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diff --git a/old/66895-0.txt b/old/66895-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index e6b6ead..0000000 --- a/old/66895-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,5270 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of Our Show, by Daisy Shortcut - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Our Show - A Humorous Account of the International Exposition in Honor of - the Centennial Anniversary of American Independence, from Inception - to Completion, Including Description of Buildings, Biographies of - Managers, Receptions of Foreign Dignitaries, Opening Ceremonies, - Poem, Oration ... - -Author: Daisy Shortcut - Arry O'Pagus - -Release Date: December 7, 2021 [eBook #66895] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -Produced by: Charlene Taylor, Harry Lamé and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was - produced from images generously made available by The Internet - Archive/American Libraries.) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OUR SHOW *** - - - Transcriber’s Notes - - Text printed in italics in the source document has been transcribed - _between underscores_, bold face text =between equal signs=, and - blackletter text ~between tildes~. Small capitals have been changed to - ALL CAPITALS; superscript texts are represented by ^{text}. - - More Transcriber’s Notes may be found at the end of this text. - - - - -[Illustration: - - For Sale by all Booksellers and Newsdealers. - - “1776” “1876” - ONE HUNDRED YEARS A REPUBLIC - - OUR SHOW - - DAISY SHORTCUT. - ARRY O’PAGUS. - - CLAXTON, REMSEN & HAFFELFINGER, - _624, 626, 628 Market Street, Philadelphia_. - THE AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, New York.] - - - - -OPINIONS OF THE PRESS - - -From several thousand “opinions,” carefully prepared for the use of the -press, we select the following. We shall be happy to give the remainder -in similar instalments in the future editions of “Our Show.” - - [Special dispatch to the New York Herald.] - - “Have just discovered the book on my editorial table--the fun I am - still looking for; ’tis harder to find than Livingtone was. The - African jungles were tame compared to the general wildness of these - pages.--_Stanley._” - - [From the San Francisco Tribune.] - - “No library is complete without it--in the waste basket.” - - [From the London Times.] - - “We admit that the volume puzzles us. We should be inclined to doubt - some of the assertions contained within it, even to consider them - preposterous, had we not long ago given up any attempt to account for - events or circumstances occurring in America.” - - [From Galignani’s Messenger, Paris.] - - “We have not read this production in the original, but the French - translation assures us that it is a work of grave import. Beneath the - simple words there is a depth of meaning and a quiet, dignified tone - of determination, which the friends of Liberty would do well to heed. - It is a book to be pondered over. The illustrations are by Mons. - Jacques Frost, an artist of warm imagination.” - - [From the Berlin Freie Presse.] - - “It is the only book of the kind we have ever seen--thank Heaven!” - - [From the Vienna Court Journal.] - - “The Emperor has not been seen in public for several days. We learn - from reliable sources that he has been closeted in his study, - translating, altering, and localizing an American volume called ‘Our - Show,’ to make it appear the official record of our late International - Exposition.” - - [From the Pekin Argus.] - - “The Authors are evidently insane.” - - [From the St. Petersburg Daily News.] - - “This, with Sherman’s ‘Memoirs,’ Motley’s ‘Dutch Republic,’ and Mrs. - Lee Hentz’s ‘Wooed, not Won,’ presents a living argument against those - who are in the habit of sneering at American literature. If this work - fails to give America a first place in the rank of letters, it will - keep her not far from the tail.” - - [From the Constantinople Leader.] - - “It is the joint production of two geniuses. We doubt whether one - genius could have written it and survived.” - - [From the Copenhagen Sentinel.] - - “Copenhagen is shaken to its centre. Is Sweden dead? Is the land of - the immortal Yywxtlmp sleeping? Has the American Exposition become a - thing of the past whilst we are yet preparing for it? or are the - authors of this book endeavoring, under the guise of an historical - novel, to lay the foundation for poisoning the world in the future - with the doctrines of Spiritualism? Philadelphia exchanges call it a - ‘third term pamphlet.’ We have looked through its pages, and though - failing to discover what this means, we found one term for which we - thank the authors--the termination.” - - [From the Hong Kong Examiner.] - - “Americans should receive a book like this with fervor--once every - hundred years.” - - - - - =1776. FUN. HUMOR. BURLESQUE. 1876.= - - ONE HUNDRED YEARS A REPUBLIC. - - OUR SHOW; - - A HUMOROUS - ACCOUNT OF THE - INTERNATIONAL EXPOSITION - IN HONOR OF THE - CENTENNIAL ANNIVERSARY OF AMERICAN INDEPENDENCE, - - =FROM INCEPTION TO COMPLETION,= - - INCLUDING - - DESCRIPTION OF BUILDINGS--BIOGRAPHIES OF MANAGERS--RECEPTIONS OF - FOREIGN DIGNITARIES--OPENING CEREMONIES--POEM--ORATION--AMUSING SURVEY - OF ALL DEPARTMENTS, INCIDENTS, ETC. ETC. - - BY - DAISY SHORTCUT AND ARRY O’PAGUS. - - PROFUSELY ILLUSTRATED BY A. B. FROST. - - PHILADELPHIA: - CLAXTON, REMSEN & HAFFELFINGER, - 624, 626, AND 628 MARKET STREET. - THE AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, NEW YORK. - 1876. - - - - - Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1875, by - CLAXTON, REMSEN, & HAFFELFINGER, - in the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. All rights - reserved. - - PHILADELPHIA: - COLLINS, PRINTER, - 705 Jayne Street. - - - - -DEDICATION. - - -After forty days and forty nights of unceasing meditation, we have -completed this important contribution to - -AMERICAN LITERATURE. - -It was especially designed for dedication to Mrs. Victoria Guelph, the -representative of our mother country, as a pleasing, though tardy -equivalent for the real estate confiscated by the boys who ran away - -ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO. - -But, our far-sighted Secretary of State, an official of the first water, -has pointed out to us the impropriety of especially distinguishing one, -of the many countries interested in “OUR SHOW;” an action likely to give -birth to those bickerings and petty jealousies among the nations which -are so apt to lead to grave results. - -We desire, above all things, the general good. Under no circumstances -would we insist upon anything apt to disturb the peace and harmony of -the world; therefore, we select for the honor of a dedication, the -private parties we think most deserving, - -OURSELVES. - -Daisy Shortcut respectfully dedicates his portion of this work to his -friend and bottle-holder Arry O’Pagus, and Mr. O’Pagus returns the -compliment, by dedicating the outpourings of his colossal intellect to -Daisy Shortcut, and, joining hands, they sign themselves, - - The Purchaser’s - Most Obedient Servants. - - PARLOR C, CONTINENTAL HOTEL, - PHILADELPHIA, December 1st, 1875. - - - - -CONTENTS. - - - CHAPTER I. - - PAGE - - “THE SPARK.” . . . HOW IT ALL CAME ABOUT 9 - - - CHAPTER II. - - “THE FUEL.” . . . WHAT THE WOMEN DID 14 - - - CHAPTER III. - - “THE COOKS.” . . . WHO FED THE FLAMES 21 - - - CHAPTER IV. - - “THE LOOKERS ON.” . . . WHO CAME TO BE WARMED 27 - - - CHAPTER V. - - “THE CRACKLING.” . . . PREPARATIONS FOR THE BLAZE 34 - - - CHAPTER VI. - - “THE FIRE.” . . . WHO FLARED AND HOW THEY DID IT 40 - - - CHAPTER VII. - - “THE REFLECTIONS.” . . . SHADOWS, SHAPES, AND THOSE WHO MADE THEM 50 - - - CHAPTER VIII. - - “THE GLOW.” . . . WHO HELPED AND WHO ENJOYED IT 58 - - - CHAPTER IX. - - “THE FLICKERING.” . . . HOW IT DIMMED AND HOW IT BRIGHTENED 66 - - - CHAPTER X. - - “THE SMOKE.” . . . HOW IT WENT UP 75 - - - - -OUR SHOW. - - - - -CHAPTER I. - -“THE SPARK.” ... HOW IT ALL CAME ABOUT. - - -[Illustration] - -If the late Christopher Columbus, Esq., could have foreseen, as an -indirect result of his little excursion in the spring of 1492, the -infliction of the following pages upon posterity, Mr. Columbus, very -likely, would have stayed at home. Think kindly, therefore, of the dead; -let no blame attach to him. Perhaps a few remarks concerning the ancient -mariner may prove instructive to the reader. Being both happy and able -to impart useful and interesting information, we cheerfully devote a -paragraph to the defunct navigator. - -The capitalists of our country are familiar with Christopher, -principally through a cut of that nautical gentleman which an artistic -government has placed upon the reverse side of its five-dollar bills. -The elevated cross in the hands of the piratical-looking monk kneeling -beside him, has given rise to a wide-spread belief that Mr. Columbus was -a bishop or a cardinal. It is our duty to dispel this grievous -misconception. He was simply a Brazilian sea captain, who believed there -were two sides to every question, even to such a serious question as the -world. Having taught Queen Isabella of Spain, who had not then -abdicated, how to make an egg stand and drink an egg-flip, she gave him, -under the influence of the latter, command of the steamer “Mayflower,” -with permission to row out and see what he could find. He landed at -Plymouth Rock; discovered the city of Boston, first, by special request, -being presented with the freedom of THE COMMON by the grateful -inhabitants, and welcomed in a neat speech by Mrs. Harriet Byron Stowe. - -Shortly after this, George III. of England commanded that all the male -children born in the Colonies should be cast into the Atlantic ocean. He -also advanced the price of postage stamps. These injustices were more -than the people could stand; they met in Concord, and drove the British -out of Lexington. This alarmed George, who immediately passed the famous -“stamp act,” and telegraphed to Benjamin Franklin, then postmaster at -Philadelphia, authorizing him to distribute free rations of postage -stamps three times a day. But the wires clicked back the touching -refrain-- - -“Too late! Too late! Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are -these ‘too late.’ - - Yours, BEN.” - -Benjamin then convened a job lot of patriots at Philadelphia, and they -resolved that these United States were, and of right ought to be, free -and easy. Commodore John Hancock, of the Schuylkill Navy, was chairman -of the convention. On motion of Robert Morrissey (whose nephew John, -late M. C. from New York, inherits his uncle’s statesmanlike and -financial abilities), a bell to proclaim liberty was purchased for the -State-House steeple. They practised economy in those brave days, and -bought a cracked one, because they got it at half price. It is still in -Independence Hall, a monument of our veracity. - -The world knows well what followed, and ’tis well for the world that it -does. General Cornwallis finally surrendered to General Scott at the -Germantown Intersection. The “Junction” depot now marks the spot. So, -dismissing our historical reminiscences, we would respectfully request -both the gentle and the savage reader, to imagine, after the manner of -the modern drama, the lapse of one hundred years, ere we proceed with -the second act. - -This century being buried in that popular mausoleum, the vast ocean of -eternity, a universally expressed desire to celebrate the nation’s -centennial birthday in a style befitting its present power and -importance, gradually assumed the form of an International Exposition, -to be held during six months of the year 1876. Philadelphia was selected -as the site, partly on account of historical associations and the -proprietorship of the cracked bell, but principally to gratify the -inhabitants of the adjoining Dutch settlement, New York. - -[CONGRESSIONAL MODESTY.] - -Congress was naturally appealed to for countenance and assistance. -Unfortunately, however, Congress, having bestowed all its material aid -upon railroad and steamship subsidies, had nothing but its moral support -to offer. Having a large stock of this commodity, it was tendered with -the usual modesty and circumspection which marks the action of that body -in national affairs. The President was authorized to invite the world to -the Exposition--without expense to Congress. Philadelphia was granted -permission to hold the Exposition--without expense to Congress; each -State was allowed the privilege of appointing a commission--without -expense to Congress; and, to be brief, the economic representatives of -the people resolved that these United States might go in and have a good -time generally--without expense to Congress. - -Jubilant with this encouragement, the State Commissioners organized an -Executive Committee, which appointed a Board of Finance, and auxiliary -committees upon everything and anything, including mining, manufactures, -calisthenics, art, science, primogeniture, horticulture, pisciculture, -agriculture, infanticulture, and hydrostatics. City committees were -constituted. These were jobbed out to wards, and again sublet to -precincts, through which domestic juntas were established in every -household. Thus the voice of the people woke the echoes of the capitol, -and reverberated to the furthermost corners of the universe. - -[GEE UP DOBBINS!] - -The Building Committee immediately contracted with Mr. Richard J. -Dobbins (the inventor of Dobbins’ electric soap) for the construction of - - -THE MAIN EXHIBITION HALL. - -He agreed to furnish the very first quality of soapstone for the -masonry, and to use Castile only, for the girders. The following were -the chief points of the contract:-- - -1st. The building to form a parallelopipedon, in order to secure the -choicest location to each exhibitor. - -2d. To be thoroughly waterproof. Dr. McFadden of the _Aqua Fontana_ -department, and several other eminent surgeons, to fill it up to the -ceiling as a test previous to the opening. The contractors to take it -back if the test proved unsatisfactory. - -3d. The walls to be of gutta percha; to be distributed after the closing -of the exhibition to the pupils of the public schools for chewing and -erasing purposes. - -4th. A transcript to meander through the centre of the building, with a -knave to right and left. Cucumber pumps of the _Louis Quatorze_ pattern -on the east and west detours, alternating with eight green cellar doors, -to give the same effect and finish which marked the _tout ensemble_ of -the Vienna buildings. A main curricle on the right to be flanked by iron -decades, with arched approaches for bipeds, tripods, and quadrilaterals. - -5th. The general appearance of the exterior to favor the Polynesian -style, which is replete with architectural beauties. _Fac similes_ of -the Tower of Babel, Tower of London, Leaning Tower of Pisa, and Tower -Hall, to adorn the four corners. The trusses and bandages supporting the -roof, to be of purple and fine linen, with brass mountings. The roof -itself to be perpetually covered with wet towels, to guard against -sunstroke. - -6th. The centre aisle to be covered with canton flannel matting, with -the grass sloping up to the back door. Nineteen hotel candles to -illuminate the ground floor, with a citrate of magnesia light in the -attic window. - -This extraordinary structure was completed according to agreement, and -upon being weighed at the corner grocery, kicked the beam at 1234567890 -pounds, 19 shillings and sixpence. - -Mr. Dobbins was also entrusted with the erection of - - -MEMORIAL HALL. - -This is a permanent building, so adapted that it may be used hereafter -as an Art Gallery or a Station-house. The foundation is not only -cemented with Spalding’s glue, but the iron posterns run through to -China, and are tied on the other side with the back hair of coolies, -detailed for the service through the courtesy of the Pekin government. - -[MORITURI SALUTAMUS.] - -Notwithstanding Mr. Dobbins’ immense labors in completing these two -buildings, he still found time to run over to Rome and purchase the -Colosseum. He brought it home with him for the purpose of exhibiting -Prince Bismarck and the Pope in gladiatorial contests during the -exhibition months. - -[Illustration] - - * * * * * - -The contract for - - -MACHINERY HALL - -was awarded to Mr. Philip Quigley, of Wilmington, Delaware. When it grew -too big for his State, he removed it to and finished it upon the ground -it occupied. The machinery exhibited was worked by forty horse-power, -and a neat stable was attached to the rear for the care and -accommodation of the forty horses, the contribution of the city -passenger railway companies. - -All the shaftings were of sandal wood, and the belting of Russia -leather, supplied by the family of the Czar himself. An “hydraulic -annex” was also tacked on to the building. It contained a tank 60 by 180 -feet, with 10 feet depth of water for fishing and bathing purposes. A -portion was fenced off for the preservation and display of “The Falls,” -which the hotel keepers and hackmen of Niagara kindly loaned for the -occasion. The hydraulic rams and other live stock were watered here -every morning, and at stated intervals during the day hydrodynamic and -hydrostatic performances were given in the tank by the pupils of the -“Girls’ Normal School.” The former were very unique. - -The consideration for the construction of this building, as per -Commissioners’ report, was $542,300, including drainage, water-pipe, -plumbing, and silver-plated door knobs, but exclusive of interior -white-washing. This, however, was performed gratuitously by Professor -Johnson of the African Commission. - - * * * * * - -Mr. John Rice, a healthful and nutritious builder, was selected to erect -the beautiful - - -HORTICULTURAL HALL, - -which remains a permanent ornament to our park, and an attractive target -for the shots of the young idea visiting the locality. The immense -expanse of glass will doubtless provide innocent amusement to many -generations of young America. May they ever appreciate the kind -consideration which placed the building convenient to a line of soft -rocks, supplying ready-made boulders of all sizes. We believe, however, -that the building is taken in at nights; we know its visitors are taken -in during the day. Some idea of its vastness may be given by stating -that more than 7000 acres of land are situated around it. - - -AGRICULTURAL HALL, - -being of _papier maché_, inlaid with mother-in-law of pearl, was cut out -by steam, and work was not commenced upon it until September, 1875. The -pens for live stock adjoining the building were of steel (a favorite -material in public edifices), and were a part of the contract. They were -fashioned after the manner of the famous floating palace, “Adelaide -Neilson,” of the Noah family. The plans were furnished by the Shemitic -commission from rough drafts now in possession of the descendants of -Admiral Noah. - - * * * * * - -At a late date the - - -UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT - -decided to erect a few buildings, including a hospital. They thought the -latter might come handy in Washington after the exhibition, for -resigning officials. When we first learned that the United States had -obtained 100,000 feet for their buildings, we thought it another display -of persevering frugality. We imagined they desired to save a hardware -bill by using the nails accompanying the material. We discovered that -the feet merely meant the ground for the buildings to stand on. - -[A COMPLIMENT TO SAPPHO.] - -As the Grecian government had expressed itself too poor to take part in -the Exposition, Mr. Windrim, the architect, was instructed to design -these buildings in the shape of a Greek cross. Through this delicate -compliment, the land where Sappho lived and sung, was represented after -all. - -These, with the offices for managers, gas men, stage carpenters, etc. -etc., and some national, state, and special buildings, which may claim -our attention further on, complete the list of structures erected upon -the Centennial grounds for exhibition purposes. Men of all nationalities -vied for the privilege of taking part in the glorious work. The Teuton -and Celt underbid the native American; the co-patriots of Garibaldi did -still better, only to be put to shame in their turn by a Chinese colony. -Ignoring all natural partiality and national prejudice, the contractors, -in a spirit of true republicanism, gave the most work to those who -labored for the least money. - - - - -CHAPTER II. - -“THE FUEL.”... WHAT THE WOMEN DID. - - -[Illustration] - -[LOVELY WOMAN.] - -Nature always provides for emergencies. The world required steamboats -and locomotives, and, lo! a Fulton and a Stephenson appeared to supply -the demand. We craved a means of rapid intercommunication, and Mr. Morse -sat down and invented his telegraph. We experienced a soaring desire to -sail through the air, and George Francis Train stepped forward to -inflate our balloons. So, when a lady competent to organize and -superintend the workings of her sisters, became requisite to the success -of the Centennial project, nature did not desert us. Uprose, as the poet -sweetly remarks, - - “A perfect woman, nobly planned - To boss an army or a peanut stand,” - -and grasping the banner, Mrs. Emma D.E.N. Gillespie became the special -partner of the Board of Finance. - -Were we about writing a work in twenty quarto volumes, the kind we have -been in the habit of producing, we might faintly hope to do justice to -the prodigies accomplished by the noble women of America, and especially -by our own Philadelphia ladies. What we do write, however, is the result -of personal observation. Blessed with female relatives _in esse_ and _in -posse_, who have been active members of ward committees since the first -trumpet tone, we write advisedly; having been snubbed, sacrificed, and -made secondary to centennial enthusiasm for three long years, we write -with a proper appreciation of the solemn duty in hand. - -The dear creatures travelled up to the State-House steeple; they glanced -around upon the situation; they rolled up their sleeves, metaphorically, -and swooped down upon the city. They canvassed stores and factories from -turret to foundation stone; they invaded dingy counting-houses, and -sauntered like sunbeams into dusty offices, collecting subscriptions to -centennial stock, peddling centennial medals, and doing irreparable -damage to the peace of simpering clerks, blushing salesmen, and -susceptible employers. A single case will serve for illustration. Listen -to the story of - - -A POOR YOUNG MAN. - -[Illustration] - -[“NOT WISELY BUT TOO WELL.”] - -He was an innocent youth, undergoing initiation into the mysteries of -compounding and weighing out sugars, teas, and spices at a West-End -grocery. A Spruce Street damsel did the cruel deed. She visited the -establishment several times in reference to some shares of stock, and -her passing glance sank into his soul. His deep, poetic nature demanded -an outlet for the sacred fire. Ætna will burst; Vesuvius will explode. -Ætna and Vesuvius were but parlor matches compared to him. - -The evening succeeding the lady’s third visit to the grocery, a package, -neatly done up in brown paper, was left at her residence by a youth who -vanished upon the instant. The lady untied the bundle, and discovered an -A. No. 1 salted codfish. The following lines, on pink initial note -(slightly greased), were fastened to its tail by a blue ribbon:-- - - “My love is boundless as the ocean, - Deep as its waters my devotion. - - This cod, sweet maid, is salt-- - Salt is the ocean too; - By logical analogy, therefore, this fish will prove - Type of my love for you.” - -Next evening, about the same time, another package arrived, with another -poetic sentiment in the same handwriting:-- - - “I send a can of salmon soused, - ’Tis sweetness in the sour; - O, would your smile the salmon was, - In my forlorn soused hour!” - -The lady was somewhat puzzled, though gratified. Her father was somewhat -puzzled, though not gratified. Their quandary was not lessened upon -receiving a third delicate present the next evening. - - “I offer my love two pounds of chipped beef, - ’Twill be nice for her breakfast or sup; - O the love in my heart’s not at all like the beef-- - For, sweet maid, _that_ can never dry up!” - -“Can’t never dry up, eh?” said the old man the following evening, as he -pulled on his thickest boots, and took up a commanding position on the -front-door step. “Can’t never dry up, eh?--we’ll see.” - -But the mysterious messenger flanked him by ringing at the back gate. - - “Sweet maid, sweet maid, O pray accept - This jar of pickled onions; - They’ll tell thee of the tears I’ve wept, - And sighs vent by the ton-ions. - - They’re round, too, like the planet Earth; - Like earth, my love’s complete; - May this to sweetest thoughts give birth, - When of them you shall eat.” - -Another evening came; the old gentleman was again upon the step; the -family butcher was sauntering carelessly by the back gate. Alas! in -place of the youth, ’twas the grocer himself who called. The butcher did -not know him; he obeyed instructions. On the day of the unfortunate -man’s funeral these lines were read; they were found in his pocket, and -explain the cause of his inopportune visit:-- - - “Sweet maid, sweet maid, I had a clerk, - A taking youth was he; - I’ve sent _him_ up to Cherry Hill, - The _bill_--I bring to thee.” - -We will dwell no longer upon this mournful episode, but return to our -main subject. - -[ROMEO AND JULIET.] - -The ladies of the various ward committees did not confine their efforts -to canvassing. They worked afghans that nobody wanted, and slippers that -nobody could use; purchased desks that wouldn’t open, and pocket-books -that wouldn’t shut, and raffled them off at prices as fancy as the goods -themselves. They appeared in amateur theatricals and variety shows. -Every ward had its Romeo and its Juliet; every precinct its Lady Macbeth -and Wellington De Boots. Their acting was wonderful and awe-inspiring. -Audiences gazed upon them in public with dumb amaze, and wept in -private, they knew not why. People began to look upon tickets for -amateur performances as Japanese officials regard a polite invitation to -“Hari Kari.” Call-boys and scene-shifters at regular theatres set up for -luminaries. The demoralization of the drama was complete. - -But all these things were mere side dishes, to be mentioned incidentally -in connection with the combined efforts, viz.:-- - -“The Great National Tea Party,” - -“The Greater International Tea Party,” and - -“The Greatest Patent Loan Office Exhibition.” - -It is with a feeling of profound diffidence that we allude to them. - - -THE NATIONAL OR MARTHA WASHINGTON TEA PARTY. - -[TOAST AND TEA.] - -Under the supervision of their revered sovereign and her executive star -chamber cabinet, the ladies transformed the Academy of Music and -Horticultural Hall into one grand coffee house and sandwich caravansary. -To save the expense of attendants, the aids themselves dispensed tea and -coffee, smiles and gingerbread, bewitching glances and ham sandwiches to -the thousands crowding the vast saloons. They attired themselves in -old-time fashion to look like so many Mrs. Washingtons. Many a family -cheerfully sacrificed its furniture covers to array its daughters in the -style of costume made sacred by Martha. They stuck little blotches of -black court plaster upon their chins, cheeks, and the tips of their -noses, to imitate her venerated pimples, and dipped their heads into -the family flour barrel to make their hair look like to hers. - -Each ward represented one of the States of our Union, and the rivalry -between their tables, though good-natured, was intense. At one table -they sold tea made in Martha’s china tea pot; at another table they -dispensed slices from a pie having its edges scalloped by her false -teeth; while a third overtopped all competition and did an immense -business, regaling customers with sausage manufactured from the remains -of her pet poodle. The aids who dealt out this luxury seemed conscious -of the sacred trust. Tears of patriotism dimmed the lustre of their -lovely eyes. - -They sold nosegays at the price of small conservatories, but pinned them -on coat lappels without extra charge. They did more. With apparent -cheerfulness, they accompanied male friends to the hall below, where the -band played, and with them hopped and skipped, and glided and dipped, as -if they were really enjoying themselves, and not sacrificing comfort to -love of country. - -The pecuniary result of this affair was most gratifying. The Finance -Committee kindly acknowledged this fact to its special partner, -requesting her to do so some more and keep the ball rolling. Yet still -its grandeur was eclipsed, totally eclipsed, by the next great effort. - - -THE INTERNATIONAL TEA PARTY. - -[THIERS ON MOONSHINE.] - -Between the two tea drinkings, however, a _Fête Champêtre_ was held at -Belmont, near the Centennial grounds. We wrote to France, Mrs. -Gillespie’s native land, to find out what a _fête champêtre_ meant. Our -respected friend Thiers replied. “You go out,” he wrote, “to some nice -quiet spot. In the evening you hang a few lanterns on the trees, and -leaving the other folks to dance, you yourself wander off with some -‘nearer and dearer one yet than all others,’ to explore the surrounding -country, its shadowed nooks and moonlit glens.” Of course we went. But -somehow everybody else was leaving the others to dance and seeking -moonshine. Never before was there such a demand for nooks and glens -since nooks and glens were first invented. - -The _fête_ was a perfect success as far as moonshine was concerned, but -not pecuniarily. The caterer of the evening is wearing away his days in -an insane asylum. Who cares for Champagne when they can have nearer and -dearer ones? Who cares for lobster salad when they can have nooks and -glens? - -A second tea party, to retrieve the reputation of the cabinet, was -decided upon. This time, however, instead of representing only our -States, all the nations of the earth were to be typified. - - “No pent up Utica contracts our powers; - The world’s four boundless continents are ours. - - EMMA R.” - -were the suggestive lines with which “General orders 197” terminated. - -The aids appeared in the costumes which long theatrical usage has -established as nationally characteristic. For three successive evenings, -a thing of beauty and a joy for Emma enchanted and astounded throngs of -visitors, and would have been continued longer had not everybody -unfortunately run out of small change. - -[YE MIGHTY ALPS.] - -Each table was adorned by what the ladies fondly believed to be an -unmistakable designating peculiarity. One ward went into business with a -few yards of glazed paper and a Noah’s Ark, and reared up the mighty -Alps. Shem, Ham, and Japhet stared blankly into futurity from the -storied peaks; old Noah and his wife looked around in a bewildered -manner as though wondering what the genesis they were doing in that -locality, while their sheep, goats, cows, elephants, tigers, crocodiles, -and whales jumped indiscriminately from crag to crag. - -[Illustration] - -An odor of Swiss cheese, from the sandwiches, made the illusion perfect. - -The ladies of another ward had ingeniously built a polar bear with an -inner structure of rags covered by variegated cat skins. He was a little -lop-sided, but didn’t seem to mind it. He stood serenely upon a looking -glass glacier, with tail erect, and the Russian flag between his teeth. -The 8th ward (Republic of Lima) made a splendid display of Lima beans, -boiled and in soup. The aids were not afraid to say “beans” to anybody. - -But the 21st ward (Isle of Man) carried off the prize. This committee -had secured, at enormous expense, a live specimen of the native. He was -quite docile and harmless; yellow whiskers, and wore eye-glasses. This -table was the Mecca to which all the aids flocked when off duty. - -Talk about your heroines of revolutionary times! Bah! Do you suppose -that Moll Pitcher would have donned striped leggings, a gauze flounce, -and a sash around the shoulders, and wandered around like the Amazons in -the “Black Crook,” as did Mrs. Vowl of the 20th ward? Would Mrs. John -Adams, the wife and mother of presidents, pattern of patriotism as she -was--would she have put on spangled breeches and a turban of red, green, -and yellow with a turkey’s feather in front, and trotted up and down the -Foyer of the Academy with a bucket of lemon peel and water, calling it -“sherbet,” and pretending not to notice the excruciating look which -distorted the countenances of the unfortunates inveigled into investing -in a glass and then feeling compelled to empty it? To these questions -there can be but one response. You shall make it. - -The result of this festival was also satisfactory to the Finance -Committee and to all concerned. The ladies were encouraged to renewed -efforts. They racked their brains searching for a novel idea, and when -did women rack in vain? They invented a style of exhibition which -produced an effect such as the world had not witnessed since the -Israelites emptied out Egypt. The war trump sounded: “Gillespie” was the -cry. Special orders 774 were promulgated, and that stupendous conception - - -THE PATENT LOAN OFFICE EXHIBITION - -astonished and frightened the land. - -[A LOAN--AND FROM HOME.] - -Everything was to be borrowed; nothing bought and still less paid for. -The idea was attractive. A wide field was opened for feminine ingenuity. -Each aid immediately locked _her own_ umbrella carefully away, and -called upon her friends when the weather was cloudy. - -[Illustration] - -The Franciscan Monastery, on Rittenhouse Square, was the largest article -loaned to the Committee, they having declined the offer of a Frankford -brickyard; and in this building the exhibition was held. Three beautiful -gilded balls were extended from the attic window, and on them the -neighboring residents gazed in silent rapture. A great demand was -created for articles one hundred years old and upwards. Old pots, pans, -and dishes were suddenly endowed with incalculable value. We ourselves -worked industriously to produce relics. Our aforementioned relations _in -esse_ and _in posse_, acknowledged the loan of an old brick into which -we had pounded a new bullet, with a fervor which more than repaid our -disinterested patriotism. The sweet smile and kindly glance with which -they accepted a pair of old army breeches, which we had purchased for -seventy cents and riddled with augur holes, haunts us still. Nay, when -we attended the exhibition, and saw an old lady reverently kiss a yellow -handkerchief, which we had borrowed from an hostler of our acquaintance, -and labelled “Lafayette,” we retired to a side apartment and wept tears -of joy. We had afforded that old lady a gratifying reminiscence for the -remainder of her existence. - -[GEORGE’S INDIVIDUAL CONTRIBUTION.] - -The Washington family came out particularly strong. In a pavilion in the -garden, seventeen aged females were seated. They had nursed little -George in his baby days. With undisguised emotion they exhibited 21 -cradles, 66 gum rings, 423 hatchets, and half a bottle of soothing -syrup, all of which, they asserted, had been the property of the father -of his country during his infantile years. They also possessed among -them an aggregate of 34,621 buttons, which they had purloined at -different times from the dear child’s vestment. - -This was considered as George’s individual contribution. - -The remainder of the family were not behindhand. They sent a few of -their plates, spoons, forks, ladles, etc.; not many, only about enough -to start a first-class hotel. As for family Bibles, they must have had a -sufficient quantity to have allowed each member of the family a new one -every day of the week and two on Sundays. There were chairs and sofas -enough to seat the entire continental army, and about five wagon loads -of miscellaneous furniture and chattels. Heavens, what an establishment -those Washingtons must have kept! - -It would be useless to attempt an enumeration of the wonders on hand and -made to order for this occasion. Suffice it to say the ladies borrowed -everything they could borrow, and what they couldn’t borrow they--didn’t -have. - -Two rooms were set apart for broken and unbroken china, which (again in -compliment to Mrs. Gillespie’s native tongue) were called _Bric a brac_ -apartments. - -The exhibition was open to the public for six weeks with a table _à la -carte_ in the dining-room. The net profit was close on to seventy-five -dollars. - -And after all this work, after obtaining from them all these ducats, -what did the centennial magnates say to the ladies? - -“Ladies,” said they, “we have taken your money; we have urged you to -labor; we have induced you, in the person of our special partner, to -travel to sister cities to persuade the daughters of our land to make a -proper exhibition of their importance and standing in this home of equal -rights; but, ah, unfortunately, we shall not be able to allow you any -space in our buildings; the old women of China, the aged females of -Timbuctoo claim it, and if you want to display that standing and -importance we have mentioned, why--ah--here are plans for a building; -take them, get up a side show for yourselves, pay for it yourselves, and -be--happy.” - - - - -CHAPTER III. - -“THE COOKS.” ... WHO FED THE FLAMES. - -[Illustration] - - -Our record would be incomplete if we failed to insert a few brief -biographical sketches of some of the personages prominently connected -with the conduct of the Centennial celebration. We regret being obliged -to limit the list to a very few of the many deserving of the honor. The -facts which we relate in regard to them, have been industriously -gathered from many sources probably unknown even to the parties -themselves. Should we succeed in awakening one soul to pure aspiring -action--should we be the means of placing one pair of feet into those -“footprints on the sands of time” which lead to honored greatness--our -labor has not been in vain. - - -GENERAL JOSEPH NAPOLEON HAWLEY, - -the President of the Centennial Commission, was born principally in the -State of Rhode Island, but grew so rapidly that his parents soon found -it necessary to have him hauled over entirely into Connecticut. Here he -flourished and grew fat among the healthy wooden nutmeg groves. He early -displayed unmistakable evidences of genius. At the age of seven, he -invented a tin lightning rod, and a schoolboy’s improved blowpipe of the -same material. For this latter, his teachers passed him a vote of thanks -through the medium of a ruler, and graduated him from the scholastic -establishment. Shortly afterwards he originated the business of -manufacturing paper shell almonds, but sold out advantageously to a -near-sighted relative and entered the Artillery school at Brienne, from -whence he soon meandered to the military academy at Paris. He instituted -the “legion of honor,” won the battles of Marengo, Jena, Austerlitz, -Eylau, Wagram, and some few others, and then retired to the monastery at -St. Helena. Here he took the veil and several other articles, and -leaving, one cloudy night, worked his passage to London. At this -metropolis he mixed freely with the heads of the nobility, opening a hat -store and being appointed “hatter extraordinary” to the Queen. He pined, -however, for the breezes of his native land, and when Columbia called -upon her sons to lend a hand to the Centennial structure, he returned to -America and was elected President of the commission. - -His bravery and prowess are equalled only by his genial nature and the -style of his moustache and imperial. Of him the poet Horace (Greeley) -has said, - - “Though always ready to smile with a friend, - He never was known to re-treat.” - -Some of his enemies recently nominated him for Congress. Their sinister -designs failed, however, and he will happily remain for some time longer -an ornament to society and a credit to his country. - - -THE HON. ORESTUS CLEVELAND, - -[OH REST US.] - -Vice President of the commission, was born, when quite an infant, in the -State of Ohio. He gave such promise of future greatness that his native -city was named after him. - -He was the eighteenth child of his parents, and was, therefore, called -Orestus. The name was suggested by the friends who had been acting as -godparents for the family. He must not be confounded with the Orestes -who murdered his ma and was afterwards killed by the bite of an Arcadian -serpent; he is quite a different sort of an Orestes. - -Through life he has been noted for his culture and refinement. These -qualities he owes to his father’s care. The old gentleman made a point -of polishing him off regularly twice a week during his youth. - -He always displayed a remarkable fondness for school. He could often be -found there an hour after all the rest of the pupils had gone home. His -teacher was especially fond of him. “Frequently,” said she to us, with -tears in her eyes, “frequently did I lay him across my knee to more -readily display the affection with which I regarded him.” - -When he was not at school he was engaged in the noble work of repairing -and paying for the window panes his companions had smashed; in replacing -fruit upon the trees from which they had stolen it, and in going to -church and praying for their regeneration. - -His manners always continued engaging. Unimpressible police officers -have been known to form an attachment for him, the more remarkable as he -never encouraged their sociability. - -After essaying many learned professions, he finally concluded that his -_forte_ lay in the profession of being a rich man. He bought a farm near -Camden, planted Kelley’s patent inflation bill, and raised money in that -primitive fashion. After passing the meridian of life in honor and -righteousness, the devil put evil thoughts in his mind, and he embraced -the legal profession, to which he is still united. - -His front elevation is very imposing. His face is somewhat in the -Corregio style, with Roman nasal appendage and Grecian earwings, doing -much credit to the architect who designed him. He is finished with a -double action expanding chest, with corrugated windpipes, and he stands -on two seventeen inch pedestals cased in patent leather. He was on -exhibition during the entire continuance of the exposition. - -Of the early days of - - -MRS. EMMA D. E. N. GILLESPIE, - -but little is accurately known. Though historians agree upon essential -points, there are many of those conflicting side issues which always -arise from a multiplicity of traditions. We know, however, that at her -birth she was taken under the especial patronage of the Fairy -“Bookotheopera,” who endowed her with all the virtues in that fairy’s -_repertoire_, and presented her with a beautiful purple pincushion with - - ~“Welcome, Little Stranger,”~ - -blazing in the brass heads of the pins which it contained. It is still -in her possession. - -[CENTENNIAL MYTHOLOGY.] - -She has performed many noteworthy deeds in addition to those connected -with the Centennial. ’Tis true, she never fooled with asps or indulged -in pearl cock-tails like Cleopatra; nor did she act as a spy during the -war like Major Charlotte Cushman, but her quarrel with Neptune -concerning the right of giving a name to Cecropia (_Horat._ 1, _od._ -16), deserves as much attention as either of the above performances. - -The inhabitants of Taurica offer upon her altars all the strangers -wrecked upon their coasts as a mark of their appreciation of her efforts -in establishing the American line of steamers (_Apollod._ 1, _c._ 4, -etc.), and though her resentment against Paris (the son of Mr. Priam) -was undoubtedly the cause of the Trojan war, yet the myrtle and the dove -have ever been considered her most sacred emblems. Her ride upon the -white bull is as famous as Sheridan’s ride to West Chester, and her -patronage has been so extensively claimed by artists of all sorts, -especially such as painters, carpenters, white-washers, and tea -importers, that the poets have had occasion to say-- - - “_Tu nihil invita dices, faciesve Mrs. Gillespiebus._” - -To her, more than to any one other individual, is the success of the -celebration due. We have remarked her executive ability, and the manner -in which she directed the nymphs of her train, and it is our candid -opinion, that nobody could have been found or invented, to fill more -perfectly a position involving so much annoyance, so much mental and -physical labor, so many petty anxieties, and so comparatively little -general appreciation. There are some debts which cannot be paid. We put -that owing to her upon the list. - - -GOVERNOR BIGLER, - -the Financial Agent of the Executive Committee, passed his early youth -among the vine-clad hills of Bucks County. He was brought up a sturdy -farmer’s lad. Day after day, in the hot sun of noon, he stood erect in -the centre of the cornfield, the terror of the devastating crow. - -[SWEET WILLIAM.] - -He was not called “governor” at his birth; his name is William; the -former title he acquired later in life when he married a governess. -Willie was very popular in the country school which he attended during -the winter evenings. Upon several occasions his master bestowed a cane -upon him, which token of desert he received with a few powerful and -eloquent remarks and tears in his eyes. - -His nature was always affectionate. He would never visit a young lady -the second time unless he could kiss her “good-bye” the first time he -called. - -Artless to a fault, he never knew the use of wigs until after he -married, and it is said that he never acquired his second teeth until a -few years back.--He couldn’t have got them then if he hadn’t paid fifty -dollars for them. - -Despite his gentle nature, however, his physical strength is immense. -His prowess in the amphitheatre, his speech to his brother gladiators at -Capua, and the able manner in which he defended the wire bridge against -Mr. Porsena, of Andalusia, are favorite themes with every American -school-boy. - -After the revolution he had his sword cut down into a set of shoemaker’s -tools, and followed the cobbler’s peaceful pursuit, until the Centennial -committee demanded his time and services. For this he gave up -everything. He cheerfully immured himself for a time in the St. Nicholas -Hotel, New York, living on rye bread and wheat whiskey, and enduring all -sorts of hardships in his endeavors to collect subscriptions from the -Dutchmen of Manhattan. He came home, however, in time to tack the roof -on the main building. - -Should he again take to mercantile life in our midst, we cordially -recommend him to our friends for “invisible patches.” His name will ever -be high upon the list of the best beloved sons of the Keystone State. - -As - - -MR. DANIEL J. MORRELL, - -[A SECOND DANIEL COME TO JUDGMENT.] - -the Chairman of the Executive Committee, was changed while an infant in -his cradle, and the child of his nurse substituted for him in order to -obtain possession of the chateau and estates, we were not thoroughly -satisfied that he was entitled to any biography. We called upon him to -ascertain what he knew about himself, and were disappointed to find that -he was not very well up upon the subject. - -We found him a man of fine appearance. He has the eye of a hawk, the -nose of an eagle, the hair of a raven, and the cheek of a Colossus of -Rhodes--with which he expects some day to start a museum. We informed -him why we had called, and at once commenced a list of questions which -we had taken the precaution to prepare. - -“As a youth, sir, were you gentle, with a sweet disposition?” - -“A sugar refinery, gentlemen, wasn’t a circumstance to me.” - -“Were you always gay and cheerful and generous beyond measure?” - -“I was.” - -“Were you ever in love?” - -“I decline to criminate myself.” - -“Well, Schiller loved once, Goethe many times, which do you consider the -most natural?” - -“The latter, decidedly.” - -“Were you ever jealous?” - -“Once.” - -“How did you act towards the cause of this feeling?” - -“Smothered her with a pillow.” - -“Oh, then, you could be a Othello?” - -“I could be twenty Othellos; but, gentlemen, as this style of procedure -is evidently fatiguing to you, suppose I relate my story without -questioning, eh? James, a bottle of champagne and a box of those -_victorias_ for the gentlemen. - -[Illustration: “YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE.”] - -“I was born,” he continued, “on the Island of Borneo. My mother was a -decendant of the noble Italian family of McLaughlini; my father was also -of noble birth; he never walked afoot; he always drove a carriage--for -the man who owned it. Cast upon the world at a tender age, I went to -England and took up my residence on Hounslow Heath--maybe you’ve heard -of the place. Always of a playful disposition, I invented a pretty -little game called ‘Your money or your life,’ which I taught to all the -lonely travellers who passed my neighborhood, to cheer them on their -way. They generally used to leave me their pocket books, watches, and -whatever valuables they had about them, so gratified were they with my -attention. The Royal Family soon heard of me and despatched a regiment -of guards to conduct me to London. Naturally modest, I endeavored to -avoid this distinction, shunning a meeting with the deputation as long -as I possibly could. At last I found myself compelled, as it were, to -accompany the party. I was conducted to a grand stone building of -immense proportions and solidity of design, in which, apartments had -been prepared for me. From thence I was introduced at Court, and, upon -the suggestion of the Lord Chief Justice of England, the apartments in -the granite building were placed at my disposal for six months, after -which time he desired me, in the name of the government, to address a -public meeting of citizens and officials from a raised platform, in -Newgate Yard, hinting that the address would be followed by my immediate -elevation to a high position. My sensitive nature shrunk from this -display. Not wishing, however, to offend the gentlemen delegated to -attend me, I remained quiet as to my plans for avoiding it until the -opportunity I waited for offered. Then, weaving my bed clothing into a -rope, I let myself down through the chimney and hurried home to America, -without saying adieu to them. They were sorry to lose me, and offered -quite a large reward for my return if living, or my body, if dead, -designing, no doubt, in the latter case, to give me a grand funeral. But -I have ever preferred a quiet private life to the elevation they -tendered me. That is all, gentlemen.” - -“We are obliged to you, Daniel; good morning.” - -“Good morning: but recollect, gentlemen, I am entered according to the -Act of Congress, in the Eastern District of Pennsylvania, and any -infringement will be punished according to law; you understand? Good -morning.” - - -THE HON. ALFRED TIMOTHY GOSHORN, - -Director General of the Exposition, was born in the State of New Jersey. -This was, however, without collusion upon his part, and no one more -sincerely regrets the circumstance than himself. His father cruised -about the Spanish main, from Burlington to Gloucester. Some folks called -him a free-booter; he was only this, however, when young Alfred -misbehaved himself or the tide ran the wrong way. Our hero was a very -promising lad. He was ever ready to promise anything. He was of a -domestic turn of mind and could generally be found in the vicinity of -the kitchen, especially when cakes and pies were in process of -preparation. After a course of studies at Yale, Harvard, Princeton, and -Cornell, his parents transferred him to a public school to acquire the -arts of reading and writing and the rudiments of arithmetic. - -Early in life he joined the temperance movement, but resigned when he -grew too big to parade with the cadets. He adopted the profession of the -law, and rose as rapidly as a schoolmaster from a tack-lined chair. He -was appointed minister to the court of St. James. He preached there -until the Saint moved out of the court, and he then took entire charge -of the Crystal Palace Exhibition of ’44, after which he swam across the -Hellespont and returned to Philadelphia. - -An aunt in Cincinnati died and left him a large pork sausage -manufactory. After entering into a contract with the Philadelphia -dog-catchers, he moved West to take possession of, and run the mill. He -assumed a leading position in the city’s trade, was made president of -the Commercial Exchange, and in this capacity was selected as director -of the Cincinnati Industrial Exhibition. - -[THE RIGHT MAN.] - -This double experience made him of course the most available citizen to -take charge of the Centennial Celebration. The manner in which he -performed the arduous duties of the office, and their effect upon his -once robust constitution, may be conceived if the reader will but glance -at Gutekunst’s latest photograph of Timothy, which may be found, full -length, upon the back cover of this volume. He is going into the sausage -business again to recuperate. - -[WELL DONE, OH RARE OFFICIALS!] - -Taken altogether and without exception, we may feel justly proud of our -countrymen and women who labored so faithfully for the honor of our -common nationality. We trust our country may be as blessed in noble -hearts, generous souls and gifted minds, at her next Centennial -Anniversary, and that we may all be here to meet them. - - - - -CHAPTER IV. - -“THE LOOKERS ON.” ... WHO CAME TO BE WARMED. - - -[Illustration] - -Early in 1876 the actual hard work of the Commissioners began. During -the months of February, March, and April, they were kept busy day and -night, receiving, sorting, and arranging the goods forwarded for -exhibition. The Adams Express Company ran its wagons directly up to the -back door of the buildings, but as usual left all the packages on the -sidewalk. It was a goodly, a grandly beautiful sight, to behold the -Director General carrying huge packing boxes upon his shoulders while -the dew of honest toil coursed adown his noble brow, or to look upon the -great Orestes heaving bags and bundles to Willie Bigler, who stood in -the doorway and caught them on the fly. The boys of the District -Telegraph Company stood around watching the exhilarating sight, only -finding tongue in their admiring wonder to encourage the gentlemen with -kind remarks and well-meant advice. Many Foreign Commissioners were also -on hand during this time. To look upon their varied costumes was -suggestive of the grand army in a spectacular drama, with the managers -short of uniforms; to listen to their varied tongues was suggestive of -the building of Babel’s tower. - -The daily travel to the Park and the vicinity of the buildings was -immense. Thousands hurried thither regularly to see what they could pick -up. Broken china, Japan ware, German silver, French glass, half Spanish -cigars--nothing came amiss. - -[LODGINGS FOR SINGLE GENTLEMEN.] - -The Market Street Passenger Railway Company reduced fares to five cents -to catch the bulk of the traffic. Next day the Chestnut and Walnut -Street line lowered their rates to four cents, carrying bundles free and -no questions asked. The Race and Vine Street Company, appreciating the -situation, carried passengers for three cents, presenting each one with -a chromo of the Bridge across the Delaware. This was but the beginning -of the famous tramway war, which continued with variations during the -entire Exposition. Before its close the Market Street line was paying -passengers seven cents apiece to ride with them, while the newly -established “People’s Line” presented each patron with four shares of -stock and a night’s lodging in their spacious depot. - -But the city, ah, the city! It really seemed as if everybody who -proposed attending the Exposition had resolved to be present at its -opening. Every nook and corner, highway and byway, where a tired -stranger could rest his wearied head, was engaged, taken up, -appropriated; and those dilatory ones who delayed securing -accommodations (notably some of the most distinguished guests) were -obliged to pay the penalty of their procrastination. - -Imagine it to be the month of May. According to a popular fallacy this -is the month of flowers and gentle zephyrs; according to Jayne’s almanac -it is a first-rate time to take one of his excellent remedies for -invigorating the system. - -On the tenth day of this month the Exposition is to be opened. The city -has cut entirely loose from its Quaker traditions. It is clad in -banners, flags, garlands, arches, and emblems. Many private residences -are painted to represent the American flag; numerous clothes-lines offer -to the breezes various shaped streamers of red, white, blue, and -orange-colored flannel. All the lamp-posts have been silver-plated; -every telegraph pole has been varnished; every wire enamelled. For weeks -the inhabitants have not gone to bed. An ingenious invention in the -shape of an inflatable pocket-pillow enables them to take standing naps -against walls, buildings, and fire-plugs. - -The guns at the Navy Yard continually herald distinguished arrivals. The -streets are thronged with citizens, tourists, American and foreign -officers and soldiers, the advance guard of every country to be -represented. ’Tis like an animated waxwork exhibition. Receptions, -banquets, and serenades are of hourly occurrence. - -Many side streets are converted into airy lodgings. Families have rented -out their door-steps, charging double price when their door-mats are -used. A new industry has arisen, and hostlers are deserting the stables -to carry shaving water for, and attend to the visitors thus -accommodated. It is a common thing, on the way down town in the morning, -to pass an early riser making his toilette under difficulties, while a -lazier companion snores away complacently with his head against the -alley-gate. - -The seventh day of the month was one to be remembered with pride -forever. Early in the day the Chevalier De Lafayette arrived with the -gentlemen of the French Commission and secured quarters at the “Guy -House.” In consideration of his ancestor’s great services, the -proprietor rated the Chevalier’s board at six hundred francs per diem, -and as a delicate compliment to his national feelings, assigned him an -apartment in the French roof. Before he departed the Chevalier -ascertained to his complete satisfaction why this hotel was called the -Guy House. - -[Illustration] - -On the evening after their arrival, a reception was tendered the -Chevalier and his companions by our citizens. Col. Fitzgerald was -selected to deliver the address of welcome on account of his Parisian -manners, the elegance of costume which distinguishes him from his -fellows, and for his general epileptic fitness. We give a report of his -speech copied from the “City Item” of the succeeding day. We are, -therefore, prepared to vouch for its correctness. - -[LA BLESSING DE MON PERE.] - -“_Messieurs_: God bless you all; you are noble men; we are all noble -men; a noble man’s the honest work of God. God bless Paris; God bless -Philadelphia--they are both noble cities! May He bless the _Champs -Elysées_; may He bless the _Column Vendome_; may He bless the _Hotel de -Ville_, and, _entre nous_, while we are upon this subject, God bless the -_Abattoir_. (Great applause.) - -“_Parlez vous, Messieurs_ (laughter), I greet you all. I stand before -you a relic of the past--of a noble past--of a gigantic past--of -a--a--_sacre a la pain et fromage_ (increased laughter)--God bless the -past! (Cheers.) - -“_Ate fif tesix five_: General Grant is a great man; he is a good man; -he is a noble man. In his name I bid you welcome. God bless General -Grant, our noble President, our Chief Executive. (Cheers and applause of -five minutes’ duration.) - -“The press, _Messieurs_, the press! I represent that gigantic instrument -of civilization. I have a family devoted to the press. Should supplies -of printers’ ink give out, they would spill their dearest blood to keep -it running. _Je suis_, pardon me, _Messieurs_, if I pause to bless them -(cries of ‘do,’ ‘do’). God bless them all! _Ate fif tesix five._ -(Immense applause.) - -“I greet you as brothers, _eau de vie_. I have been to Paris. I have -visited the _Pont Neuf_. I have stood on that bridge at midnight, I have -gazed at the flowing tide, with the shining stars above me and my family -by my side. (Cheers.) - -“I have walked along the _Champs Elysées_:-- - -“Noble walk! - -“Glorious promenade! - -“I have looked upon the _Column Vendome_:-- - -“Magnificent monument! - -“Sublime creation! - -“I have examined the exterior of the _Hotel de Ville_:-- - -“In short, _Messieurs_, I have been to Paris; ’tis no more than just -that you should come to Philadelphia. (Laughter and applause.) - -“Philadelphia and Paris! (Cheers.) - -“Paris and Philadelphia! (Cheers.) - -“Noble cities! - -“God bless you all. _Ate fif tesix five._ (Paroxysmal applause.)” - -The Chevalier responded in very fair French. He was attired in his -national costume. He wore a Lyons velvet coat trimmed with Valenciennes -lace, a white Marseilles vest, and French _papeterie_ knee-breeches; his -hair was powdered with Paris white. Later in the evening the Commission -was serenaded by the German Singing Societies. They executed the -_Marseillaise_ with great spirit and effect. - -[DIE WACHT AM DELAWARE.] - -The same day the junk of Prince Kung, the Regent of the Orphan of the -Sun, the Child Emperor of China, arrived in the Delaware. The vessel was -brilliantly illuminated with Chinese lanterns, and a band of native -musicians discoursed sweet music from the forward poop upon their wooden -accordeons and pipes of reed. The Prince was a lantern-jawed sort of an -individual with a candle-wicked eye. He and his suite were met by a -delegation of laundrymen at Poplar Street wharf. Sam Wing, Esq., -extended them an invitation to attend an opium banquet next day at the -hall of the Bedford Street Mission. - -While this reception was in progress up town, the firing of guns and -ringing of bells announced the arrival of the Imperial German -Commission. - -Fifty thousand German citizens lined Walnut Street dock and the floating -palaces in the vicinity, and no sooner had Prince Bismarck and his -comrades touched land, than they were lifted bodily into several of -Bergner & Engel’s beer wagons, which were in waiting. The crowd, -removing the horses from the wagons and the bungs from the kegs -provided, proceeded to draw both the wagons and the beer. Previous to -starting, however, Alderman McMullin, who had been delegated for the -pleasing duty by the German Society, spoke briefly as follows:-- - -“Respected Dutchmen: The proudest occasion of my eventful career is the -present--to be permitted to welcome to this new world, this republic of -an hundred years, the flower of the great German Empire under auspices -so favorable and inspiring. Not even when marshalling the once famous -‘Moya’ to do battle with the devouring element, consuming in its fury -the massive storehouse, the busy factory, the domestic hearth--aye, and -life, dear life itself--not even when the bullet of the assassin found a -resting-place within my weakened frame, did I experience the thrill of -sublime pride, the glorious impulse of friendship and common humanity, -which now animates my being. For know there is between us a bond of -sympathy which the boundless intervening ocean cannot sever. William is -my name, and it is likewise the name of my respected friend, your -honored sovereign. Like me, he is simple in his tastes; like me, he is -renowned for his courage and determination. - -“I desire that you should carry home with you a high opinion of our -manners and institutions, and many, very many, pleasant reminiscences of -your visit. I trust we shall meet frequently and become quite sociable -during your stay. I invite you all to dine with me to-morrow.” - -Prof. Max Müller responded, with the accent of a Latin grammar. - -“Mr. Mickmullion, and gentlemen,” said he, “I thank you for this welcome -in the name of the Emperor, his Highness Prince Bismarck, my colleagues, -and myself. For years have I desired to visit this country for the -purpose of making a geological examination. During your eloquent remarks -I have taken the opportunity of analyzing a handful of the soil. To my -intense gratification I find it to average a conglomeration or -semi-crystalline gneissoid of dark brown hematite, or, perhaps, a -combination of barytes manganese with carbonate of strontia. You will -frequently notice that the debituminization of these silicious -formations will degenerate in quality--at times ferruginous layers of -volatile diorite form component parts. I have no doubt that you, Mr. -Mucksquillion, have frequently arrived at similar conclusions. - -“So, again thanking you for your kind reception, I assure you I -appreciated the finish of your remarks.” - -[OUR BOYS--FRITZ AND WALES.] - -Prince Bismarck was then taken in charge by Archbishop Wood, who had a -hammock swung for him in the Cathedral. “Unser Fritz,” the Emperor, and -the commissioners were driven to the German Hospital. They declined -communication of any kind, save an underground communication with -Bergner and Engel’s Brewery. In the evening, however, they were -serenaded by the _Société Française_. “Die Wacht am Rhein” was sung with -much feeling. - -On this eventful day the Hon. Morton McMichael presided professionally -at four banquets. - -The day following this is also one to be looked back to with -gratification. The Irish Rifle Team arrived with the dawn, and was -greeted with a beautiful sunrise, very cleverly arranged by Professor -Jackson. The team acted as escort to the Prince of Wales and suite. -Since his return from India, the Prince had been in rather reduced -circumstances. Although scrupulously clean, his coat was somewhat -threadbare, and his beaver gave evidence of frequent brushing. - -His Highness and suite were quartered at the house of the Spring Garden -Soup Society; the team secured accommodations at a first-class livery -stable. - -These distinguished guests were received by General Franz Sigel, who -remarked that he was glad to see them looking so fresh and green; that -he liked fresh and green folks to come to this country. He advised them -all to come back when they went home and get naturalized. He said that -the ladder of Fame was waiting for Irishmen, and all they had to do was -to come and climb. He wanted them to carry home a good opinion and leave -as a remembrance the contents of their wallets. His remarks were -received with hearty cheers. - -Wales suffered considerably during the trip over. He says the company of -the riflemen completely demoralized him. He might say he was half shot -when he was half seas over. - -About noon the Spanish delegation arrived in Jersey city. They landed -from the ferry boat in high good humor. The commission, composed of the -_elite_ of Spanish chivalry, included the following distinguished -names:-- - -Senor Concha Maduro. - -Don Felix Estra-Maduro (cousin of the above). - -Count Flor Del Fumar. - -His Highness Reina De Victoria, and - -Don Regalia De la Palma. - -These gentlemen proceeded quietly and unostentatiously to their rooms on -the seventh floor of the Colonnade Hotel. They were waited upon by the -leading cigar dealers of the city, who offered their spacious -establishment as headquarters. - -Towards night the Duke of Gloucester and Red Bank arrived at South -Street wharf. He had an apartment reserved for him on top of the -Christian Street Shot Tower, to which he repaired at once. - -Pere Hyacinth came on the same vessel, and was taken in charge by the -Horticultural Society. They lodged him cosily in the southeast corner of -the State-house steeple. He says he liked his lodgings very much, but -the rarefaction of the air was such that he could hear his watch ticking -all night long. - -The Emperor of Brazil arrived at a very late hour and bunked temporarily -back of the main chimney of the Girard House. - -[THE “ALMS HOUSE” REGISTER.] - -The following guests registered at the Alms House. - -Victor Emanuel of Italy, wife, three masters and three misses Emanuel. - -Mr. Khedive, of Egypt, with seven Madames Khedive. Family left at home. - -Professor Tyndale,--London. - -Joseph II. of Austria, wife and mother-in-law. - -General Von Moltke, Prussian Army. (He had unfortunately missed the -train which had brought his copatriots, and was very warm upon his -arrival.) - -Mr. McMichael presided at seven banquets this day, at one of which he -read a telegram from Queen Victoria, accepting with thanks the -apartments kindly tendered her by Engine No. 10. - -Next day, the 9th inst., the city’s pulsometer was at fever heat. - -Brigham Young and family arrived from Utah per Centennial R. R. special -train, forty-four cars. Brigham said he wanted to give the little ones -an excursion. They were located under sheds at Point Breeze Park. - -On this evening, too, a most remarkable event occurred. During the day -the City Solicitor of Philadelphia, who is also a military commander of -renown, in addressing a meeting of some of his contemporary warriors, -including Bismarck, Von Moltke, MacMahon, and others, remarked that he -would meet them upon the morrow at Memorial Hall, during the opening -ceremonies. Immediately a special meeting of city councils was convened, -and the following preamble and resolutions presented and unanimously -adopted. - -“WHEREAS, An International Exposition was held at Vienna, in the year -1873; and WHEREAS, upon the day the City Solicitor of Philadelphia -carried into effect his predeclared intention of visiting said -Exposition the roof of the buildings fell in, doing great damage and -causing great excitement; and WHEREAS, the same City Solicitor has -announced his purpose of visiting our Centennial buildings to-morrow; -and WHEREAS, it is our bounden duty to provide against the occurrence of -any like disaster to our International Exposition, and especially from -the same cause which affected the Vienna affair, be it hereby - -“RESOLVED, That the interests of the Exhibition demand the incarceration -of the individual above alluded to. - -[ON ICE.] - -“RESOLVED, That he be immediately placed in irons and confined in the -vaults of the Knickerbocker Ice Company until the close of the -Exposition. - -“RESOLVED, That every attention be paid to him in his confinement, and -that the Knickerbocker Ice Company be allowed $93.77 per diem for his -support and the ice required to keep him cool. - -“RESOLVED, That he be produced for one hour each Wednesday morning at -the Supreme Court Rooms, to deliver opinions on municipal affairs, that -the city may suffer no more than necessary from this unavoidable action. - -“RESOLVED, That he be supplied with the ‘Times’ newspaper daily, and be -allowed unlimited rations of lemons, sugar, and whatever liquid he may -desire, to mix with his ice.” - -At four o’clock in the morning, the subject of these resolutions was -awakened from his innocent slumbers and hurried into a Knickerbocker ice -wagon by detectives, with black masks over their faces. He struggled -bravely, but--_pro bono publico--principiis obsta_. - -[Illustration] - - - - -CHAPTER V. - -“THE CRACKLING.” ... PREPARATIONS FOR THE BLAZE. - - -[Illustration] - -The morning smiled bright, and the mist rose on high, and the lark -whistled “Hail Columbia” in the clear sky, on the tenth day of May, -1876, the day set apart for, and consecrated to, the opening of the -Centennial Exposition. - -Old Probabilities himself was in the city, with his weather eye open. -Early in the morning he fixed the barometer in front of McAllister’s at -“set fair,” arranged the thermometer at 65°, and engaged a refreshing -southern breeze to be around lively during the entire day. After this he -ate his breakfast, enjoying a quiet conscience and a correspondingly -good appetite. - -Shortly before daylight a very curious incident occurred--fortunately it -ended happily. - -[OH SHAH, WHAT A FUSS!] - -The Shah of Persia, his son John, and the Sultan of Turkey, arrived -together at Broad and Prime Street Depot. The city being weary of -receiving dignitaries, no official and but little private notice was -taken of their arrival. They jumped into a Union Line car. Unthinkingly, -the Sultan put a dollar bill into the “Slawson box,” and then demanded -his change from the conductor. Of course, the conductor was unable to -open the box, and refused to give it to him, telling him he deserved to -lose it for his stupidity. The Sultan became furious. - -“My change,” he cried; “I want my change, and I’m going to have it; -seven cents for me, seven cents for the Shah, and four cents for little -Shah, that’s eighteen cents; give me eighty-two cents change. You can’t -cheat me, you swindling Americans!” - -Again the conductor refused and remonstrated; the Sultan was perfectly -wild with rage; he drew his scimetar, and caught that conductor by the -throat, and there would certainly have been an immediate vacancy for a -conductor on the Union Line, had not Mr. McMichael been just then -returning from a late banquet. Mr. McMichael, being a sportsman, was -thoroughly conversant with wild turkey gobble; he smoothed matters over. -He refunded the eighty-two cents from his own pocket, took the Eastern -monarchs home with him, and afterwards secured them a bed in the coal -cellar of the House of Correction, apologizing to them because they were -obliged to share it with Mr. Carlyle, the English essayist. - -[Illustration] - -The Egyptian Sphynx, kindly loaned by the Khedive, also arrived in the -morning, and was at once placed in position on Belmont Avenue. We regret -being obliged to record the disgraceful fact, that it was entirely -carried away in small bits by relic fiends before night. The Khedive -immediately presented a bill of damages to the President, and levied on -the Exhibition buildings _in toto_, the Capitol at Washington, and Mayor -Stokley’s house on Broad Street. Happily the matter was amicably -settled. The President promised the Khedive that Congress should have a -new Sphynx made for him, a much better one than that destroyed, of -bronze, and with all modern improvements. The order was subsequently -given to Messrs. Robt. Wood & Co., of Philadelphia, and before the close -of the Exposition they shipped to Cairo a bronze Sphynx, which will -certainly add greatly to the attractions of the desert. We doubt not -that the Messrs. Wood will receive orders for bronze Pyramids, provided -they will take the old ones in part payment. - -[Illustration: THE MODERN SPHYNX.] - -[AND HIS RHYME, IT WAS CHIL-DLIKE AND BLAND.] - -The proprietor of the _Public Ledger_ was so pleased with the Sphynx -which our Philadelphia firm turned out, that he immediately ordered a -duplicate for his back garden. He also composed the following touching -lines for the poet’s corner of his journal. A copy of them, translated -into Egyptian characters, was sent to the Eastern potentate with the -Sphynx:-- - - “Egypt had a little Sphynx, - It was her pride and wonder, - She sent it to Amerikay, - Where it was knocked to thunder. - - This ’ffliction sore, poor Egypt bore, - Her grief seemed all in vain, - Till one as good was made by Wood, - And Egypt smiled again. - - Gone to take the place of the - ORIGINAL ONE.” - -The great feature of the day was - - -THE PROCESSION, - -the march from Independence Square to the Exposition grounds. We shall -endeavor, in brief style, not to do justice to, but to give some slight -account of the grandest pageant which any nation has yet witnessed in -its midst. - -[BENJAMIN’S COAT.] - -The immense body, consisting of representative military from every -nation under the sun and in the shade, was divided into two hundred and -forty divisions, each with a commanding general and aids. General -Joseph E. Johnston, of Georgia, was to have been Grand Marshal. His -uncle Andrew being dead, unfortunately, he was obliged to have his only -military coat repaired by a tailor who was not punctual, and who failed -to express it to him in time. General Butler, of Massachusetts, however, -who happened to have two coats with him, very kindly loaned one to -Johnston, who appeared in the afternoon. Attached to the back of the -loaned garment was a neat show-card, bearing this inscription-- - - ANOTHER BRIDGE - ACROSS THE - BLOODY CHASM. - THE TRIBUTE OF - MASSACHUSETTS - TO - GEORGIA. - -[Illustration] - -The General was lustily cheered wherever he went, and General Butler was -the subject of more praise during this day, than during any portion of -his life subsequent to his occupation of New Orleans. - -The position of honor, the First Division, was given to the Philadelphia -regiments by a unanimous vote of the generals of divisions. - -Col. Hill and Dale Benson led off with his command, which appeared for -the first time in its new uniform. The immense black fur muffs, which -the members borrowed from their sisters and wore upon their heads, gave -them a very ferocious appearance, though most of their noses were -completely hidden from view. Company “C” attracted particular attention. -It had adopted a new “hop” for marching, which was both graceful and -unique, though evidently fatiguing. - -The “State Fencibles” turned out in fine style. With their accustomed -liberality they presented arms to all the pretty girls they met on the -way. The “City Troop” brought up the rear of the division. These -warriors were arrayed in all their awful panoply of war--white ties and -white kid gloves, with gold _vinaigrettes_, containing salts and -extracts, dangling from their belts. Their horses were also supplied -with _vinaigrettes_, which they sniffed occasionally in lieu of their -usual odor--the smoke of battle. The Troop carried a magnificent banner, -inscribed-- - - FIRST IN PEACE--FIRST IN WAR-- - AND - FIRST IN THE HEARTS OF THEIR - ~Countrywomen~. - -And, on the reverse side-- - - PRESENTED TO THE - CITY TROOP OF PHILADELPHIA - BY THEIR - LADY FRIENDS AND ADMIRERS, - AT THEIR - FIRST ANNUAL PICNIC, - SCHUYLKILL FALLS PARK, JULY 1, 1872. - -The Pennsylvania Veterans, G. A. R., marched in the centre of the -Second Division, and a moving incident occurred as they passed by the -Mint near Broad Street. - -The first distinguished warrior to appear was Colonel Mann, the hero of -~0007 fights, mounted upon the gallant steed which had borne him safely -through them all. Along the route, his iron front proudly erect, his -bronzed and battered features flushed with the nobility of a natural -pride, he was greeted by the enthusiastic cheers of the assembled -thousands. Maidens from beyond the seas--officers (no mean heroes -themselves) from the armies of the old world, joined in the gracious -tumult. One bald-headed veteran (a Marshal of the Windsor Castle Guards, -who had left a leg at Balaklava, an arm at Waterloo, an eye in the -Crimea, and who expected to distribute the rest of himself upon various -other battle-fields before he died) turned to the Chevalier De -Lafayette, who with Senator Sam Josephs occupied the barouche with him, -and asked-- - -“Who is passing, Chevalier, that the people appear so excited?” - -“_Quely vous motre dio_, do you really not know?” exclaimed the -Chevalier, “Zat is, _graciosa poverisi_, zat is ze Kunel Mann, -_pardieu_, ze great Kunel Mann.” - -[THE PET OF THE POPULACE.] - -“What!” shouted the veteran, and pulling from his coat the diamond order -of “St. George and the Dragon fly” which blazed among an hundred others -upon his breast, he rose in his coach and flung it gracefully to the -Colonel, who caught it quite as gracefully upon the fly. At this moment -a great shout arose. The populace imagined that a shot had been fired at -the Colonel, that an attempt had been made to assassinate their pet -hero. The mob rushed for the carriage which contained the veteran, with -cries of “kill him,” etc. etc. The Colonel took in the situation at a -glance. Rising in his stirrups he spread wide his arms to show he was -uninjured. - -“Hold,” he shouted, in that same voice of loud and deep toned beauty -which oft had brought the briny tears to eyes of hardened criminals in -the dock, “Hold; he is my friend: he has given me this badge (‘Cape May -diamonds,’ he added _sotto voce_); who touches a hair of his bald head, -dies like a dog--march on,” he said. - -The cries for vengeance changed to wild cheers of joy, and the -procession moved on. - -The Foreign Divisions followed the Pennsylvanians in rotation adopted by -lot. The Caledonian club was a marked feature of the English Division -among which it was numbered, being the only representation from -Scotland. The members appeared in full Highland costume, kilt, sash, and -checker-board stockings. The chiefs danced the Highland Fling all along -the route to the inspiring strains of the regimental bagpipes. The -company of Orangemen with their Lemon aids was also a part of this -division; they were commanded by Col. Terrence McDougall. - -The brigade of French Chasseurs in the Fifth Division, commanded by -Marshal Benzine, presented a splendid appearance, and wore the strings -of doughnuts which were thrown around their shoulders with a truly -fascinating French _abandon_. - -The “French Lancers,” in the same division, danced the quadrille named -after them at each lamp-post along the line. - -A number of survivors of the late French war were carried along in Sedan -chairs. This must have been a sad sight for Frenchmen. We are not -Frenchmen. - -The German Landsturm soldiers were artistically decorated with pretzels -and oranges. Their division was preceded by the Emperor William and his -family, drawn in one of the ambulances of the German Hospital, the -horses being appropriately decorated with German and American bunting. - -The Austrian Grenadiers (division seventy), carried a miniature hydrant, -emblematic of temperance; also an open Bible on a velvet cushion. - -The Centennial managers were somewhat annoyed by the appearance in line -of a commission from the African interior, which insisted on taking part -in the procession, or eating the Director General. They marched along in -their native costume, consisting of a skewer through their back hair. - -[Illustration] - -[GOSHORN’S NOBLE RESOLVE.] - -Of course _they_ were not aware of anything out of the way in their get -up, but Mr. Goshorn said that rather than have the thing occur again, he -would sacrifice himself on the altar of propriety, and be eaten. His -brother commissioners encouraged him in this resolve. - -Immediately after the Foreign Divisions, came the “National Centennial -Guards,” formed of companies from the thirteen original States. They -were headed by Generals Grant, Sherman, Butler, and Hartranft, and were -followed by the Centennial Commissioners in barouches. - -The Commissioners were paired off with foreign civil dignitaries and -potentates. The Prince of Wales was inveigled into a carriage with two -of our city officials: he left for home next day. Queen Victoria (his -mother) enjoyed the society of the Chief of the Fire Department: she -remained until the close of the Exposition. - -One carriage was cheered vociferously. It contained Vice-President -Wilson, Mr. Jefferson Davis, Simon Cameron, and Robert Toombs. - -The American divisions, which included companies and regiments from -every State and city in the Union, succeeded the barouches. A great many -of these organizations brought their own bands with them, or as the -saying is, “blew their own horns,” but many others depended upon the -well-known musical resources of Philadelphia. They discovered that -delays were dangerous. They had to do the best they could. - -The “Duquesne Greyhounds,” of Pittsburgh, were preceded by Signor -Maccaroni’s band--two harps and a female violinist, while the -“Charleston Fusileers” were obliged to fusileer to the strains of seven -jews-harps, kindly volunteered by juvenile American talent. - -A noticeable company was the “Palmetto Guards,” of South Carolina, -dressed in dusters and straw hats, and bearing palm-leaf fans. The -“Ancient Artillery,” of Boston, thorough sons of guns, every man of -them, also attracted much attention. Their step was the Boston glide. - -The “Norfolk Blues” and the “Virginia Carbuncles” entered upon the march -with highly polished rifles and well filled canteens. Their rifles were -still highly polished when the march was over. - -The “Seventh Regiment,” of New York, composed entirely of officers, was -much applauded. Its discipline was apparent in its style of marching and -the waxed moustaches of its members. - -The brigade of American Indians was under the command of General -Sheridan. The warriors were conveniently and economically uniformed in -blankets. Each chief had his initials plainly visible upon the corner of -his blanket. By a strange coincidence, almost a fatality, the initials -of the name of every man in the brigade were the same letters--U and S. - -[Illustration] - -[THE “LITTLE DEARS.”] - -The “West Point Cadets” were also in line. They made a peaceful and -pleasing show with their little tin swords and wooden guns. They looked -very neat too, clean faces and well-brushed hair showing that they were -tenderly cared for. Their jackets were buttoned tight up to their necks. -The ladies were charmed with them, and “little dears,” “sweet, ain’t -they?” were the expressions heard on all sides. Much sympathy was -expressed for them on account of the great length of the route--entirely -too long for children to traverse. The cadets were to have remained -during two weeks of the Exposition, but they got to eating unripe -cherries from the trees in the Park, and falling into the Schuylkill -River, so the Commissioners were compelled to send them home. - -The “Naval Cadets” were marshalled under Secretary Robeson. This old -salt was arrayed as Neptune, with a trident in his hand, and a crown of -real sea-shells upon his aged, weather-beaten brow. The cadets were -taken care of during their stay by a file of marines. - -The procession started at 10 o’clock, and by two P. M. one-half of the -main body having passed the Continental Hotel, the head of the -procession reached Memorial Hall, while the tail was wagging here, there -and everywhere, about the sacred shadows of Independence Hall. - -At Memorial Hall, amid the salvos of artillery, the pealings of bells, -and music of the band; the hymns of the singers, and the cheering of the -vast, innumerable multitude, the - - CHAPLAIN OF THE UNITED STATES SENATE - -ascended the decorated pulpit. - -[SILENCE.] - -Mayor Stokley stepped forward. Tear-drops glistened in his translucent -orbs. He raised his arm; his hand, so used to threaten and command, -implored silence. In a single moment the firing ceased, the bells pealed -no more; the last echoes of the hymns were carried heavenward upon the -gentle breeze; the people ceased shouting, and a holy, solemn silence -reigned supreme. - - - - -CHAPTER VI. - -“THE FIRE.” ... WHO FLARED AND HOW THEY DID IT. - - -[Illustration] - -Amid this profound silence the Chaplain proceeded to inform the Lord for -what purpose that great concourse of people was assembled. - -He intimated that as “the earth was the Lord’s and the fulness thereof, -and as the United States of America formed a part of the earth, and its -citizens frequently gave evidence of the fulness thereof, it was -eminently proper that He should not be kept in ignorance of its doings.” - -He quoted freely from Scripture to convince his hearers that man was not -all-powerful, but that, sooner or later, he must needs leave country, -home, greenbacks, office, and corner lots behind him. - -Alluding to the nations of olden time, he aired his classical learning. -He informed his hearers that Greece and Rome were not now exactly what -they had been, and mentioned likewise that Romulus and Mr. Julius Cæsar -had both been dead for some time. - -He also remarked upon several interesting historical facts of more -modern date, which he seemed to think might possibly have slipped the -memory of the angels,--namely: that a number of European countries were -governed by potentates; that some of these had not been all that -virtuous, peace-loving men could have wished them; that an assembly of -individuals had pronounced freedom to be the prerogative of all -mankind;--then, after commending Mr. Grant and his cabinet, Mr. Stokley -and his city council, Mr. Goshorn and his associates, to the good graces -of the heavenly host, he complimented that body on having the truest -republic yet organized, and retired gracefully from the pulpit. - -The orchestra of ten thousand selected musicians then executed Haydn’s -magnificent “Oratorio of the Creation,” after which Mr. Ulysses S. -Grant, who as President of the United States was chairman of the -meeting, arose and made one of his powerful and eloquent -addresses:--“Ladies and Gentlemen,” said he, “I hope I see you well. I -am glad to see so many of you around me on this occasion. It is a very -pleasant occasion. Like the century plant, it blooms but once in a -hundred years. A good many of you, who I see around me on this occasion, -will not be around when it comes around again. I thank you, ladies and -gentlemen, for the manner in which you have received me, and I will make -room for a longer winded man than me. I hope you will listen to him with -attention. I thank you again, and hope you will all enjoy the -exhibition. Allow me to introduce to you the orator of the day, selected -by the Centennial Executive Committee.” - -The building shook with the applause of the assembled multitude, and -when the clamor had subsided, the orator began his address in a stirring -appeal to - -THE GENIUS OF LIBERTY. - -[THE EAGLE SHRIEKS.] - -“Ring out, ye bells, ye harbingers of liberty, ring out! The world is -hushed to listen to your joyful pealings,--the heavens open and swallow -up your golden sounds! From where the sun first breaks upon Columbia’s -slopes to where the rain-drops thunder in supernal night,--where eagles -scream and dash their pinions ’gainst the crags and peaks which blaze in -midday splendor,--where, rushing through the crimson sky, they swell the -notes which drown the shrieking gale, and flashing arrows of electric -light, piercing the groaning depths of chaos, echo beyond the shadow of -eternal hills the cry of nature’s soul, the thrilling anthem--LIBERTY! - -“It is our throne--the pedestal on which our building rests! a century -agone its bed was hollowed out by pithy arms, now resting in the dust. -Oh sturdy hearts! Oh honest hands! Beyond the boundaries of space and -time, where Nature’s seedlings bud, and waters gather in a mighty deep, -to thee, to thee we look through tears we dare not hide, and glimmering -in the phosphorescent radiance of a holy past, we cry aloud, and loud -the answer comes. The waves dash high, the breakers roar, the bright bow -spans the clouds above, when lo, forth springs in brilliant splendor, -our flag--the emblem of our dearest hopes,--our pride, forth springs in -glorious purity, our flag,--the stars and stripes,--the flag of Adams -and his son John Quincy.” - -At this stage of the proceedings, four hundred ladies uttered a -simultaneous scream and fainted. The gallant orator, descending from the -rostrum, helped to carry and lay them upon the greensward without, where -members of the Fire Department promptly saturated them with a portion of -the Schuylkill River. Then, taking a hasty draught of Bowers’ Centennial -Mead, the orator re-entered the hall and resumed his address. Not one -of the audience had left--during the interim they had been nicely -entertained by the Director General (always prepared for emergencies), -who gave them a comic song and dance. - -[Illustration] - -In resuming, the orator alluded to the Garden of Eden. He explained how -the “S” became added to the name of Adam, and drew a pleasant word -picture of the illustrious founder of his family in his fig-tree suit. -He spoke for two hours in an interesting manner, and concluded. - -The chorus then joined in the national anthem, “Pop goes the Weasel,” -after which the - -POET OF THE OCCASION, - -[LONGFELLOW.] - -America’s sweetest singer, who touches with his gentle hand the -heart-strings of the world, waking them to musical response as pure and -truthful as his own blessed soul, stepped forward, and read his original -poem, which will live forever, a mile-stone of the nation. - -The people listened with rapt attention to the words of the honored -bard. He seemed inspired; his voice was full, and each syllable he -uttered reached every corner of the immense building. We caught the -words and pinned them to our note-book in phonographic characters as -they were given birth, and we reproduce them here complete and -unabridged. - -[FOREVER AND FOREVER.] - -A SONG IN TWO VOICES. - -_First Voice._ - - The silent horologe of time, which varies never, - Hath swept into the bosom of that sea - Pulsating ’gainst the rock “Eternity,” - The life-blood of an hundred years, - Forever and forever! - - But crimson blood upon the Ocean’s wavelets, never - Content beneath the surface smooth to hide, - Will traces leave enrubying the tide, - Till earth in chaos disappears, - Forever and forever! - - We gaze upon a restless sea, which quiets never, - And read as on a changing, moving scroll, - The nation’s living, cryptogamic soul, - Which Death’s dark lantern lights and clears, - Forever and forever! - - They are our own, these dead we look upon, though never - Have we full guessed the good which passed away; - To know what we were losing day by day, - Would be, methinks, to live in tears, - Forever and forever! - - Then listen, brothers, for my failing voice may never, - Be heard again throughout our fatherland; - And e’en the pen drops from my feeble hand, - As my long journey swiftly nears, - Forever and forever! - - List while I read to you the graven tale, which never - May be all told by these poor lips of mine, - For coming ages still add line to line, - Till earth no longer heeds nor hears, - Forever and forever! - -_Second Voice._ - - Speak, speak, thou dismal guest, - With gloomy thoughts oppressed, - Speak quick and give a rest, - To those who hear thee: - - Much pleased we’ve read the lays, - Writ in thy youthful days, - Giving no stint of praise, - Aiming to cheer thee. - - Proud of thy fame are we; - Therefore most graciously, - For what it’s worth will thee, - “Our poet” christen: - - Long, long will live thy verse, - As will, too, much that’s worse, - And if thou wilt be terse, - Brother, we’ll listen. - -_First Voice._ - - In the old colony days in London, the chief town of England, - In the cellar which runs to and fro ’neath the Parliament building, - With a pipe in his mouth and a match in his hand, made of sulphur, - On a keg of dry powder was seated Mr. Guy Fawkes awaiting the signal. - Above was King George with a sword in his hand at a table, - Drinking green tea, which he always had made “with a stick,” - While up by the urn, stood a beautiful Puritan maiden, - With sweet, smiling eyes like the bloom of the bluebells in summer, - Who opened her mouth, and with laughing lips uttered this question,-- - “My liege, would you like just a little bit more of gunpowder?” - Guy Fawkes was discovered and hung, and his body was cast in the - Tiber, - King George wasn’t blown up just then--but not many years after, - His tea was the match which ignited the spark, and gave him some few - more gunpowder. - -_Second Voice._ - - Tell us not in furlong numbers, - What we know as well as you, - Though you’ve got things mixed up “somewurs.” - King George wasn’t Cromwell too. - - Life is short and time is fleeting, - And we fear, if you intend - To go on old tales repeating, - We shall never reach an end. - -_First Voice._ - -[ABORIGINAL POETRY] - - Kajo, kajo, mudjekewiss, - Jeebi ishkoodah jossakeed, - Shinghé, shingebis shah shuh gah; - Chibiabo bukadawin, - _Wahonowin! Wahonowin!_ - Totem totem ahkosewin, - Minehaha, haha, haha, - Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha. - -[FAIR COLUMBIA.] - -_Second Voice._ - - Thank you, sir. - -_First Voice._ - - Nation of our hopes and prayers, - Time steals by us unawares, - Gravestones seal our joys and cares. - - We must leave thee whilst thou’rt young, - Whilst the bell for freedom rung, - Echoes still from heart to tongue: - - Standing on Oppression’s tomb, - In thy youthful beauty’s bloom, - Monument of tyrants’ doom; - - Gazing with a lofty pride - O’er thy hearthstone, boundless, wide,-- - Oceans washing either side; - - Towns and cities, hills and vales; - Earth with joy thy Queenship hails, - Seas and rivers bear thy sails! - - Fair Columbia, we must go, - Far beyond thy oceans’ flow, - Far beyond thy mountains’ snow; - - Other sons will ’bout thee rise, - Love thy blue and starlit eyes, - Love the white thy life flow dyes: - - May their hearts’ love never leave thee, - May they dream no thoughts to grieve thee, - Never of a star bereave thee; - - May the olive in thy hand - Spread until its branches grand - Shelter safely all thy land; - - And as days and years are told, - May thy brilliant flag enfold - Strength which never groweth old. - - May the world beneath the sun, - In the freedom thou hast won, - See a boon denied to none. - - For a gift from God thou art, - Missioned bravely to impart - Sunshine to the sunless heart. - -This poem was telegraphed, word for word as spoken, to the “New York -Herald,” appearing in that sheet next morning. From its columns it was -copied, the week after, into the Philadelphia journals. - -After the poem, Messrs. Arbuckle and Levy, the cornetists, played “Old -Hundred.” It proved a great success, as it had never before been -attempted--in a horn. - -The Massachusetts gentleman selected for the honor, then read an essay -by Thomas Jefferson, entitled - -THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE. - -[AN APPRECIATIVE PRESIDENT.] - -This production was replete with witty sayings and wise aphorisms, -doubtless very applicable to the time in which it was written, but -somewhat obsolete and wanting in point at present. The soda-water -fountain was much patronized during this portion of the ceremonies. -General Grant sat it out, however, and mentioned afterwards that he -considered it one of the finest things he had ever listened to. He -inquired particularly concerning the author, and seemed disappointed -when informed that he was dead. He would doubtless have enjoyed making -Thomas a revenue inspector or an Indian commissioner. - -Again the combined orchestra and chorus howled forth. This time it was -“Paddle your own Canoe.” - -Mr. L.Q.C. Lamar, of Mississippi, - -ORATOR OF THE DAY NO. 2, - -stepped forward. He remarked that as it was growing late he should not -detain them long. At this, those favored ones to take part in the -banquet concluding the ceremonies, brightened up wonderfully. - -The orator then proceeded to say that this was the first centennial -celebration in which he had taken part; he therefore hoped that any -shortcoming might be overlooked in consideration of his quick going. He -remarked that he came from where the Mississippi wound her silvery -length through rich green fields, by thriving towns and mighty cities; -that he was a native of the Sunny South, those happy realms where -nightingales tuned harmonious song and alligators sported in their -lukewarm baths. He mentioned that this was a great country, that the sun -rose in the East and set in the West, and that while the snow-flakes -fell and whitened all the northern plains, the orange bloomed and gentle -breezes blessed the southern groves. - -“We are but travellers here,” said he, pathetically, “and while we -breathe the air and walk upon the earth, we have two duties which should -command the energies of our minds, the strength of our arms, and the -honor of our souls;--one, to our fathers, those who have gone -before--the other to our children, those who have already come and those -yet to come after.” Mr. Lamar did not exempt bachelors from the latter -of these duties, but in eloquent language urged upon all the great -mission of an American citizen. - -The orator continued for three hours, and ’twas only when darkness fell -and the chambermaid came in to light the gas, that he concluded; telling -his spell-bound listeners, that, although he had much more to say, he -would remember his promise to be brief, and postpone the remainder of -his address until the next centennial, hoping that in the mean time they -would ponder well upon the truths which he had uttered. - -General Sherman here nudged the President, who had fallen into a gentle -spell-bound doze, and who, awakening with a start, rose and said:-- - -“And now, by virtue of authority in me vested, I, Ulysses S. Grant, -President of the United States of America, do declare this Exhibition -open for the transaction of all such business as may be legally brought -before it.--Amen.” - -The musical fraction ended up with Beethoven’s Twelfth Mass, and “Little -Brown Jug” for _encore_, and thus was the - -INTERNATIONAL EXPOSITION - -inaugurated. - -Through the courtesy of the Centennial Managers, we were supplied with -copies of several odes, poems, essays, etc., forwarded to the committee -by various distinguished authors of this and other countries, and -rejected for reasons best known to the committee. Of these we cannot -refrain from inserting a contribution from Lord Alfred Tennyson. It is -in the shape of a two-act drama, entitled - -“GEORGE W. WASHINGTON.” - -[CLARA’S NEXT ROLE.] - -It has been pronounced by competent judges to be equal to much that -Shakspeare did not write. It has been translated into the celestial -tongue, and will be produced during the next century at the Theatre -Royal, Hong Kong. We understand that Miss Clara Morris is studying the -_role_ of G. W. Washington. - -ACT FIRST. - - SCENE--WINTER QUARTERS AT VALLEY FORGE. _The American Army sleeping on - the left side of the stage. Delaware River flowing in the rear. Seven - 42-pounders pointed towards the audience (to be discharged if they - leave before the curtain falls). A full regiment of cavalry ready to - issue R. I. E. Practicable window in flat._ - - THOMAS JONES, a farmer, and SAMBO, Washington’s servant, discovered. - -SAMBO. - - You may not enter--the General snores in sleep; - Sweet sleep, that balm in heaven distilled, - Has fallen on his eyelids. - (Sings) _Low, galoot; speak low, galoot, or you may wake him-- - Low, galoot, low!_ - -FARMER JONES. - - Yet listen, gentle knave; a farming man am I - From Jersey. Should’st open now my heart, - Lo, thou would’st find but two words graven on it-- - Trenton and whiskey! - -[THE PLOT THICKENS.] - -SAMBO. - - (Sings) _Low, galoot; speak low, galoot, or you may wake him-- - Low, galoot, low!_ - -FARMER JONES. - - The keystone of our government is shattered, - The Hessians are in Trenton! - -SAMBO. - - Methinks some traitor spoke. ’Tis not yet lost. - Send out, send out the constables, - And have them all - Arrested. Egg Harbor is not taken yet? - -FARMER JONES. - - (Joyously) Egg Harbor is not taken yet! - -SAMBO. - - Then there is hope. But, hush!--he’s here! - -(_Washington enters through window and listens._) - -FARMER JONES. - - Who? - -SAMBO. - - Our General--great George Washington! - -FARMER JONES. - - Oh!! - - [_All exit. Curtain falls._ - -ACT SECOND. - - SCENE--STATE-HOUSE AT PHILADELPHIA. _Continental Congress in session, - John Hancock in the chair; representatives ground around; large - concourse of citizens in the hall; the back window open, through which - a view of Independence Square in flat. Procession passing with flags - and banners, and band of music. A political meeting in the Square; - also a few Indians lassooing buffalo. Eagle screams as curtain rises._ - - JOHN HANCOCK. Ah! - - ROBERT MORRIS.Indeed!! - - THOMAS JEFFERSON.Possible!!! - - JOHN ADAMS.Very remarkable!!!! - - [_Exit all the representatives except_ BENJAMIN FRANKLIN. - -[GRAND DENOUEMENT.] - - FIRST CITIZEN. Shall we go too? - - SECOND CITIZEN. Go to! - - THIRD CITIZEN. For which we should be thankful. - - [_Exit all the citizens._ FRANKLIN _alone_. - -BENJAMIN FRANKLIN. - - From Jersey, New York, Delaware, and Pennsylvania, - Virginia, Massachusetts, and both the Carolinas, - These men have come who have but just gone out. - There’s Hopkinson, and Middleton, and Harrison, - And William Ellery, George Taylor, and Josiah Bartlett; - Morton, Walton, Joe Hewes, and Willie Hooper, - And many more; and I am left alone-- - No!--here come Roger Sherman, Gerry, and George Whytte. - -(_Milkman sings without._) - - _“Bully for you, Susie, - Bully for you now, - To go and milk the water pump, - ’Stead of the cow. - Chalk is very cheap, - Milk is quite a heap, - Healthier when diluted than it came from the cow.”_ - -FRANKLIN. - - I wish I was a milkman; methinks it is a better - Business than being a philosopher-- - Ah, gentle friends, what news? - -(_Enter_ ROGER SHERMAN, GERRY, and GEORGE WHYTTE.) - -SHERMAN. - - Washington has crossed the Delaware! - -(_Chorus outside_) [_many voices_]. “Washington forever!” - -GEORGE WHYTTE. - - Lo, he will be our President! - -(_Shouts again_) [_many voices_]. “Three cheers for Washington!” - -GERRY. - - Who knows? - -BENJAMIN FRANKLIN. - - Let us pray. - -(They all kneel, and the orchestra strikes up “Yankee Doodle” as the -curtain drops.) - - - - -CHAPTER VII. - -“THE REFLECTIONS.” ... SHADOWS, SHAPES, AND THOSE WHO MADE THEM. - - -[Illustration] - -“You are standing, sir, directly upon the equator.” Our country cousin -jumped aside in terror; his face grew white, his knees trembled, his -hair stood on end. It was our first visit to the Main Exhibition -Building after its opening, and he had accompanied us. - -“Great Heaven!” he gasped, “why did they leave it around here--is it -dangerous?” and he backed into an Italian brigand who was strolling -leisurely along, “it oughter be in the zoological department,” he added, -and peered around for a glimpse of the animal. - -We smiled pityingly. - -[THE NORTH POLE REACHED AT LAST.] - -“The equator, our dear cousin,” said we, “is that broad chalk line -marked across the floor of the building. It represents the centre of the -earth. Here, take the glasses;--now observe,--that main mast or -telegraph pole, painted white and decked with ribbons, which you see at -the extreme end of the avenue, is a very complete _fac-simile_ of the -North Pole. Now, turn around;--that clothes prop (kindly loaned by Mrs. -Forney) represents the South Pole. At one end, to speak poetically, we -have Greenland’s Icy Mountain, at the other, Mrs. Forney’s Coral Strand. -Let us take a cursory glance of what lies between.” - -We do not propose to give more than the merest superficial account of -the wonders and glories of the great display. Everywhere the eye rested -it was dazzled with jewels, silver, splendor, and--and--so forth. -Striped gauzes, magnificent bronzes, burnished armor, superb laces, fine -inlaid work, unique carvings, rich and rare fancy goods, musical -instruments, books, acres of useful articles, miles of ornamental -productions, food, clothing, and--and--more so forth. - -Perhaps it would be best for the intelligent reader to imagine himself, -or, more happily, herself, in our pleasant company, cousin and all. But -first a word of warning to the intelligent reader. After many sleepless -days, the managers had decided to arrange the nations in geographical -order, as far as possible--and to leave the rest to Providence. -Therefore the intelligent readers will do well to follow the example of -the intelligent authors, and forgetting any geographical knowledge they -may happen to possess, leave their rest to Providence also. They will -spare themselves many sudden shocks and annoying perplexities. Such, for -instance, as this: taking one avenue straight along and passing -consecutively through Austria, South Sea Islands, Manayunk, Siam, China, -Morocco, Beverly, Egypt, Darby, France, Switzerland, and Tipperary, -ending up with Turkey and the Sultan ready, soap and towel in hand, to -give the visitor a specimen of his luxurious patent bath. Or, coming -back on the other side, to find in one long line, Germany, Sweden, -Norway, England, Iceland, Doylestown, Ireland, British America, Media, -and in the corner Japan, where a Mandarin and a Womandarin perform “Hari -Kari” every day to illustrate the custom of the country,--the same -parties, however, only appearing once in the same performance. - -Naturally, our own country claims our first and best attention. From -Maine to Florida, from Boston to San Francisco, State after State, city -after city, makes its display. In addition to the separate and peculiar -exhibits of the States, clusters of identical interests from North, -South, East, and West, attest the resources and development of our land. -Let us pause for a moment and examine the display of the - -[POPULAR TABLEAUX.] - -AMERICAN BANKERS’ AND BROKERS’ ASSOCIATION, - -which will serve for an example of these latter. - -We find the credit system very cleverly demonstrated. A working man -enters into a banking house with his month’s earnings nicely tied up in -the corner of his handkerchief: a blandly smiling clerk, with well pared -nails and laundried linen, receives it and notes the amount in the -depositor’s account book;--the workingman departs. Then the proprietor -enters, gives a portion of the money to his clerk and puts the remainder -carefully away--in his pocket. In another apartment, the projectors of a -railway company offer a graceful financier one-half of their beautifully -printed stock certificates, on condition that he floats the other half. -A widow, with the money which she has just received as insurance upon -her husband’s life, comes upon the scene. She makes known to the banker -her anxiety to invest this money securely for the benefit of her -helpless family. He magnanimously spares her a portion of the railroad -stock, charging her but a small commission for his services. With the -balance of his stock as collateral, he borrows money from a national -bank and makes a corner in flour. Through the window of this apartment -there is a beautifully arranged vista, showing the banker building a -magnificent villa and settling it upon his wife. A third compartment -contains the closing tableaux:--a meeting of assignees declaring a -dividend of nothing, payable in twelve, twenty-four, and thirty-six -months, and the banker stepping on board of an A, 1, steamer, to pass -the remainder of his life in ease and luxury among the wonders and -beauties of the old world. In this department also, we find a collection -of the coins of our country, at which its people look in amazement. A -father is endeavoring to explain to his son, a boy of twelve, what these -gold and silver pieces were once used for. It is an interesting study in -ancient history for the lad, but he is doubting as youth is apt to be, -and does not appear thoroughly satisfied that they were ever current -money. - -We push our way rapidly through the States. Maine has her liquor law, -charmingly framed--but we find her Commissioners in Kentucky drinking -Kentucky lemonade. Vermont exhibits a green mountain boy; the look in -his eye belies his color. Massachusetts presents her genealogical tree. -Rhode Island is represented by an immense specimen of inflated bullfrog. -New York has on hand her canal ring, blazing with diamonds. Pennsylvania -has her Switchback. Delaware another kind of switchback--her whipping -post, and here we delay our progress to admire hers. Great bodies move -slowly, and the Delawareans have great bodies--but mighty little souls. -Their “stocks” are up, however, and they don’t seem to care. We suggest -that the Governor of the State and the members of the Legislature be -thrashed alternately every hour, to give a general idea of the _modus -operandi_ to foreigners. Our suggestion is not received in the spirit in -which it is offered. - -But we do not succeed in completing our trip through the Union this day. -Our country cousin brings us to a stoppage by his absurd conduct. - -[MISTAKEN HOSPITALITY.] - -One exhibitor offered him half a pound of mince meat: he devoured it. A -Connecticut woman presented him with a small cheese, her own -manufacture: it followed the footsteps of the meat. In Massachusetts he -received a package of corn starch: he put it serenely where he kept his -cheese. We looked upon him in amaze, but said nothing. A New York -merchant handed him a small cake of transparent shaving soap. “My -golly!” he remarked, “this beats a lunch route,” and he swallowed it -whole. A New Jersey farmer offered him a string of dried apples: they -went the way of his preceding receipts. A Pennsylvania matron begged him -to try a draught of her buttermilk: he complied, and we saw him swell -visibly before our eyes. Two ounces of Virginia Baking Powder was the -next tribute: he winced a little at this, but--down it went. We tried to -stop him, but too late--he just chewed a small stick of South Carolina -stove polish, and then the baking powder accomplished its fatal mission. -He mentioned that he did not feel very well. We expressed surprise and -sympathy. He said he felt worse, and then he tried to smile, but alas, -the apples lay heavy on his soul--he couldn’t. He asked if it wasn’t -time to go home--he said it was a splendid show, but he thought he’d -seen enough of it. - -“Come home,” said he, “its dinner time.” - -“Why,” we replied, “you’re not hungry, are you?” - -He didn’t answer; he turned a reproachful glance upon us. We were now in -Georgia, and a colored man held out to him a sweet potato pudding. -Savagely he turned upon that negro, his eyes rolled wildly, he labored -under intense emotions, mingled emotions of cheese, soap, and baking -powder, he uttered one long despairing yell and sank down upon the -floor. A crowd gathered about him in a second; two or three officials -pushed their way through the assemblage and grabbed hold of him. “The -first case,” they cried triumphantly; “carry him to the Hospital.” They -bore our poor cousin to the - -GRAND INTERNATIONAL HOSPITAL, - -east of the Main Building, and we followed in tears. - -A Turkish physician ran to meet us as we approached the structure. The -Turks believe in radical cures--this one wanted to smother our relative -between two feather beds. We objected. Two Chinese doctors stopped us at -the doorway. One wanted our cousin to swallow three green lizards, the -other recommended the immediate extraction of all his front teeth. An -Indian medicine man here commenced dancing around us, yelling at the top -of his voice, and banging an old tambourine with the shin-bone of an -ass. - -This was nothing! When we entered the building the international -surgeons came down upon us like--like--like “a wolf on the fold.” This -was the first case, and they were spoiling for a job. Our cousin looked -in their eager and varied faces, he gazed upon the assortment of cutlery -flashing around him--his lip quivered--he closed his eyes--and fainted. -In less than two seconds that - -UNFORTUNATE COUNTRYMAN - -would have been dissected, and the doctors engaged in mortal strife -above his severed limbs, had not a most diabolical uproar outside -suddenly distracted their attention. - -We all rushed to the grounds, and a blood-freezing scene of terror met -our eyes. - -[“LONE SHIRT” ON THE CHINESE QUESTION.] - -Mr. Lone Shirt, Mr. Full o’ the Rye, and Man with the Seven Big Bunions, -Esq., the Chiefs of the Indian encampment, had been illustrating their -native customs by a sudden - -RAID ON THE CHINESE LAUNDRY. - -They had attired themselves in the napkins, towels, and nightcaps there -contained, painted themselves with the washing blue, burnt down the -building, and were just about finishing up things by scalping the -startled celestials when we burst out upon them. The Chinese doctors -took one glance at affairs, swallowed their lizards, and jumped into the -lake north of Machinery Hall. - -The Exhibition Military, led by the Marine Cavalry, hurried towards the -fearful scene. Would they be in time? The tomahawks of the Indians were -raised, their hands grasped firmly the pigtails of their victims--when -suddenly--behold!--The savages grew rigid as though turned to stone, -motionless they stood with tomahawks still elevated, their hands still -pigtailentwisted--Oh providential chance!--They had swallowed the -starch contained in the laundry, and this stiffening was the fortuitous -result. - -The managers released the half dead Chinamen, and pointed out to Messrs. -Lone Shirt, Full o’ the Rye, and Man with the Seven Big Bunions, the -impropriety of their conduct. When the chieftains thawed limber, they -promised solemnly not to repeat anything of the kind, and smoked the -liberty bell pipe with the laundrymen. - -This incident saved our cousin’s life. When we returned to the hospital, -he had vanished, much to the sorrow and chagrin of the disappointed -M.D.’s. - -We did not feel like returning to the Main Hall immediately after this. -We thought a stroll through Memorial Hall might be soothing to our -system, and so we took it. - -Philadelphians familiar with that - -CHAMBER OF HORRORS - -in old Fairmount Park, which the Park Commissioners persist in styling -an Art Gallery, have been bred up to a proper appreciation of the -“pageant which rose like an exhalation” before our admiring eyes; upon -others, especially foreigners, the effect must have been tremendous. - -It is not our intention to criticize the pictures separately, or to draw -invidious comparisons between the work of our own and other artists. -Courtesy to our late visitors forbids it; and besides, the national -peace must be preserved at any cost. We must admit, however, that it -struck us that a number of the paintings might have been improved by a -liberal paring at the nails from which they were suspended. Some of the -Italian sketches looked to us as though they had been painted with -raspberry jam. The _chiara oscura_ effect, so to speak, was visibly -heightened by the tone of the sombre shades, and the clever intermixture -of the mediæval style with the ante-Raphaelite touches--the extreme -fulness of the light and motion, and the mellowness of tint, produced, -as it were, in the minds of _connoisseurs_ like ourselves, the -comparison which we have made. - -Artists, like fishes, go in schools. Masters, pupils, janitors, scrapers -out, and pot boilers. They were all well represented, Flemish, Dutch, -Italian, French, and American schools making the most extensive report. -We will mention a few of the biggest paintings in the handsomest frames. - -[“MURILLO AND RUBENS--PAINTING AND GLAZING.”] - -Mr. Murillo, a Spanish painter and glazier, sent--in addition to his -famous “Madonna”--“The Parable of the Seven fat and Seven lean Cows.” -This was a six-foot-square job. The seven fats were done in oil--the -leans in water-colors. - -Rubens was represented by a magnificent head of “Vasco De Gama;”--his -feet were too large to frame. The likeness was excellent. Even a -stranger, unacquainted with Mr. De Gama, could have recognized it at -once--by the name in the corner. - -A fine painting of Marat, executed by Miss Corday, was the biggest -little gem in the French collection. - -France also sent some sacred paintings, among them “St. Anthony’s -Temptation” and “St. Vitus’ Dance.” Great Britain also had two sacred -companion pieces--“Christ before the Priest” and “Christ after the -Priest.” - -In the American Department, a superb work entitled “The Salary,” -appealed most directly to our feelings. It could not have been drawn -with more ease by a Vandyke or Paganini. - -“Wm. Penn treating the Indians” occupied a prominent corner. - -“The Empty Jug” was a pathetic masterpiece, a subject which came -directly home to the hearts of many who looked upon it. - -For square inches and lavish extravagance in paint, “The Norsemen -landing at Vineland, New Jersey,” deserved a prize. - -Scores of virgins of all styles and sizes adorned the walls. Virgins -clad in every costume worth mentioning, and a great many not worth -mentioning. They were consigned by the Angelo Factory at Rome. - -The sign and fence painters of the United States school made a very fine -display. - -Rothermel had his patent “S. T. 1860 X.” beautifully done in white-wash -on the south wall of the building, and Moran, who pays more attention to -marine work, had “Sea-weed Tonic” tenderly drawn in blue and gold. -Bierstadt, the architect, sent a plan for a model brewery. - -We felt so completely soothed after seeing this much that we didn’t -enter the statuary department. We left that for another day, and jumping -on a horse-car we made our way over to - -MACHINERY HALL. - -Imagine all the machinery the world contains in motion at the same time, -and add about five million more machines to that. This will bring you as -near the truth as this volume ventures to approach. - -Fire, smoke, sweat, and labor; whirring and whizzing, banging and -clanging, pounding and puffing, tinkling and jingling. One would think -there were seventy thousand horses at work instead of the forty we have -mentioned. Everything is being manufactured here--from a tooth-brush to -a locomotive; from a latch-key to a wash-boiler. Each workman at a -machine is attended by another man placed there expressly to answer -questions and be interrogated by visitors. These latter men are carried -away and revived every hour. - -The famous individual who took a prize at the Paris Exposition, is here -with his wonderful machine. You give him a live rabbit, and in fifty -minutes he returns you a felt hat and a Welsh stew. - -[THE UNDERLAND ROUTE.] - -Keeley’s Motor was set up here a few days previous to the opening of the -Exhibition, but somehow the machine got loose and knocked things into -splinters. It dashed through the main entrance, got on the track of the -Market Street cars, rushed clean down to the foot of Market Street, -destroying everything in its way, and plunged into the Delaware River -just eight seconds after leaving Machinery Hall. Workmen were put at -dredging for it immediately, and before they gave up hope of recovering -it, a telegram was received from Pekin, saying that it had passed -through the Emperor’s palace, carrying the roof with it, and vanishing -into space. From the hour telegraphed as the time of this occurrence, -it was calculated that the machine landed in China just nineteen minutes -after it left Elm Avenue. Mr. Keeley ascribed the cause of this freak to -one drop of water too much, being in the reservoir. - -There was another sort of motor on exhibition, however, which seemed -especially attractive and novel to the boys. It consisted of nine strips -of leather attached to a wooden handle. - -The improved hotel front-tooth-picker was an object of attention in the -American department, as was also the automatic hen for laying egg -plants. - -The patent American awning post rest, a neat pair of extended arms to -support a reclining form, was much remarked; and a patent range, -“warranted to save half the coal,” was very well spoken of: you buy two -of them and you require no fuel at all. - -Herring’s Hay Making Machine, for making hay in cloudy weather, and -Rollin’s improved Iron Pump, for the use of newspaper reporters, also -deserve mention. - -[THE INVENTION OF THE AGE.] - -In naming this pump to be used by interviewers, we must not forget an -ingenious little instrument invented expressly for the protection of the -parties interviewed. It is a silver-plated contrivance, which may be -readily fastened to the bottom of any chair. The interviewer is invited -to take a seat. At his first impertinent remark, a little knob is -touched and a flat implement shaped like a No. 22 foot, begins bouncing -up and down at the rate of seventy bumps a minute, and before the -reporter knows what has happened, the top of his head is interviewing -the ceiling of the room. - -[Illustration] - -When he comes down to see what’s the matter, this implement follows him -to the door, accelerates his progress down stairs, and giving him a -parting bump on the sidewalk, shuts the front door and hops up stairs -again. The papers pooh-poohed this contrivance, but it gained a first -prize nevertheless. - -A French apparatus for winding silk out of cocoons was also truly -wonderful. While the cocoons are serenely enjoying their dinner or -dreaming of the pains and pleasures of the world, a huge bobbin is -quietly unravelling their interior department. They don’t know what has -been going on till they turn around and see the silk dress which has -been stolen from them. - -We stopped for a moment before a condensed baker, and saw crackers and -biscuit baked, buttered, and eaten by steam. This made us think of -lunch. We selected the American Restaurant from the many within the -inclosure, and entered. - -We were politely handed chairs and a bill of fare. The chairs were -low,--the bill must have been made out on the top of Sawyer’s -Observatory, there was no other way to get it so high. The list was -printed in three languages, and the customer was expected to pay in half -a dozen languages, though only allowed to eat in an a b c. We drank a -cup of tea, ate a biscuit, looked at the _Beefsteak à la mode de Paris_, -and the _Potatoes fricasse haute nouveate_, sighed, and left our watches -in pledge, while we sallied out to try to raise the amount of our bill -on our life insurance. - -After completing this negotiation at the International Insurance Bureau, -we started for the Horticultural Building, but the - -MODEL CEMETERY - -which we were obliged to pass, suited the state of our feelings so well -that we paused to examine it.--We soliloquized:-- - -[THE UNDERTAKER’S DRUMMER--A DEAD BEAT.] - -“In the midst of death we are in life,” said we originally,--“oh death, -sweet death, in the midst of all this life are we reminded of thee;--in -the excitement and the turmoil thy quietness is here. Lo, the labor of -man’s hand and the production of man’s mind we find about us,--we look, -we wonder, we admire, but what, what are these hands and minds to thee? -Nothing; nothing save the dust which in thy mill----” We were -interrupted by a gentleman who approached us and invited us to invest in -one of his patent coffins. He had any number of testimonials from -parties who had used them, stating that under no consideration would -they use any other. He said we might try one, and if we didn’t like it -we needn’t feel compelled to keep it. He seemed very anxious to discover -whether we had any sickly relatives. He took us through the undertaker’s -department; showed us shrouds, sombre trappings, gold and silver -trimmings, rosewood caskets, all the paraphernalia for a pleasant and -comfortable send off. He escorted us through the marble yard, mentioned -what kind of a tombstone he thought would best suit our condition, -quoted verses of poetry which he thought would make suitable -inscriptions, and was really so attentive and persistent that the truth -dawned upon us at last;--he was placed there to talk visitors to death -and brisken up business for the exhibitors. - -HE EARNED HIS SALARY, - -whatever it was. He explained the system of cremation, and told us if -we had any old aunts or grandmothers about the house to bring them down -and he would take pleasure in demonstrating its beauties practically. He -induced us to purchase three or four little coffins made from the wood -in Independence Hall, to be worn as watch charms;--“very sensible -mementos of the occasion,” said he. - -It was by an almost superhuman effort that we broke from him at -last,--we barely saved our lives,--that is all--we walked off a few -yards and then--oh, intelligent reader, let us draw the veil!--we -ourselves were carried to the Hospital. - - - - -CHAPTER VIII. - -“THE GLOW.” ... WHO HELPED AND WHO ENJOYED IT. - - -[Illustration] - -We remained in the hospital three days. We did not die. Unfortunately -for the purchasers of this work and our friend of the model cemetery, we -_would_ not die in Spring time. We were discharged on account of the -crowded state of the institution. Visitors were beginning to discover -that free board might be obtained, by stratagem, at the hospital, and -the result was that a large proportion of our foreign guests found this -climate very unhealthy. The doctors were cutting, dosing, and -blistering, to their hearts’ content. - -We re-entered the grounds with the intention of resuming our inspection -where we had discontinued it, but we were subjected to a severe nervous -shock the very morning of our reappearance. - -[HOKEE POKEE WINKEE FUM.] - -The bones of two waiters from one of the restaurants, had been -discovered in the bath-room of the Sandwich Island Commissioners, picked -clean. The gentlemen of the legation had entrapped these unsuspecting -servitors, plunged them into hot water, boiled them red as lobsters, and -then made a little feast of them, a reminder of their national banquets. -After feeding upon the poor unfortunates, they strewed their bones about -the apartment without the slightest regard for neatness or decency. -Grief-stricken relatives recognized the remains by two false teeth and -a glass eye which had not been consumed, and two weeping widows gathered -up the bones, while five sobbing orphans scrubbed the floor clean. Our -government immediately informed the court at Hawaii of this indiscretion -on the part of its representatives, hinting that any repetition in the -same quarter would be considered a gross breach of international -etiquette. - -This incident so affected us that we at once applied for readmission to -the hospital. It was refused us, and we were obliged to lay off for two -days at our boarding house. When we started out again we proceeded at -once to - -AGRICULTURAL HALL. - -Our early progenitors having been tillers of the soil, the agricultural -display brought to mind the days of our youth and “the old tabby cat -that we threw in the well.” The turnips reminded us of the warm pressure -of a parent’s hand; the early apples caused our thoughts to wander to -the big peppermint bottle in the kitchen cupboard; in looking upon the -luscious ox-heart cherries, we could imagine the bark of our neighbor’s -dog; the parsnips brought to mind the face of our ancient -school-mistress, the beets recalled to us her blessed ratan, and the -sight of the onions finished up things by bringing tears to our eyes. - -In addition to productions of the soil, this department contained -much of the field machinery for which America is so justly -famous--agricultural implements, from an oyster knife to a haywagon; -farm stock, from a potato bug to a prize ox; kitchen garden -preparations, from a rhubarb pie to a paregoric dumpling. - -[DOING THE TROPICS.] - -The building was divided into tropics. At one end the tropic of Cancer, -named in honor of an American disease; at the other, the tropic of -Capricorn, a cereal indigenous to our soil. The other seven tropics were -sprinkled between, at regular intervals. The live stock exhibit, -belonging to this portion of the Exposition, was most interesting. -Little piggy-wiggies with their tails neatly tied in red, white, and -blue ribbon; representatives of turkey and shanghai amicably sharing the -same Indian meal; horses eating out of silver plated fodder boxes; colts -chewing at rosewood hitching posts; animated mutton chops and undevilled -kidneys calculated to make an epicure’s mouth water; goats, cows, -calves, heifers, and most rare of all, real, genuine, spring chickens, -the very sort which the poet has so touchingly described in his sweet -lines - - “You may fricassee, roast them, or stew, as you will, - But the scent of the egg shell will cling round them still.” - -There was also connected with this department an aviary, containing -specimens of agricultural birds, from a bee to an ostrich. - -A little corner given up to old women and their herbs was so suggestive -as to be painful; we steered clear of it and endeavored to rid our -olfactories of the remembrance of catnip and senna, by hieing us to the -birds, flowers, perfumes, and fountains of Horticultural Hall. On our -way thither we passed - -THE WOMEN’S DEPARTMENT. - -[UNWARRANTED LIBERTIES.] - -We became aware of our approach to this sacred locality, by the -Sabbath-like stillness which marked the vicinity. Into the pavilions no -male foot was allowed to tread. The sides were of glass, and tickets -merely conferred the privilege of looking through the transparent -surface. We hinted in the preceding pages at some trouble concerning the -erection of this building, and the ladies in a spirit of refined -sarcasm, had made it a monument of man’s tyranny by building the wooden -and iron work of broken broom handles, twisted pokers, and ruptured fire -shovels. The cement was mixed with handfuls of short human hair of -variegated colors and various degrees of fineness. - -Women from all parts of the world were here on exhibition. All colors, -nationalities, styles, and complexions, were properly classified and -arranged within their respective departments. Each woman was ticketed -with a fancy label, on which was inscribed her name, age, nativity, -weight, prominent qualities and general record. With a few exceptions in -the Asiatic and African avenues, the women were ticketed - - “These Goods Not For Sale.” - -In the American District, there were some few notices such as - - “Applying for a Divorce, - - “Four months’ Widow,” - - “Open for Negotiations.” - -The greatest order and most systematic detail was everywhere observable. -Each age, from eighteen to eighty years, had a separate district. Those -exceeding the latter age were carefully packed away in the sub-cellar. - -Electric wires being attached to each department, General Hawley sat -comfortably in his office, and as he touched the springs, the women -smiled, frowned, wept, and laughed in concert. - -We remained gazing upon this interesting exhibit, until we felt the -temptation to break through the glass growing too strong for us, when we -continued our way and entered the building sacred to Flora and Pomona, -or in other words - -HORTICULTURAL HALL. - -Pansies and violets! Sunflowers and forget-me-nots!! Rhododendrons and -daffodils!!! Buttercups and dahlias!!!! Never, never, never, had such a -thing been seen before. Every plant and every flower was labelled with -its name and peculiarity, just like the women we had left. In some cases -this did very well, in others it did very ill. Take, for instance, a -single section--nay, but a small portion of the section, the hyacinth -department, and see what hurt our feelings. - -“AMY; dazzling carmine, large spike.” - -“DUCHESS OF RICHMOND; rose color; fine truss.” - -“MR. MACAULAY; light green, thin, large truss, watery.” - -“MARIA THERESA; striped; perfect form.” - -“MADAME DE TALLEYRAND; pure, large compact truss, extra fine bell.” - -“MRS. BEECHER STOWE; very showy spike.” - -“ANNA PAULOWNA; deep; pure white eye, large truss,” and so on. - -We know nothing whatever about either spike or truss, but we did not -like this publicity of description one bit. Now, “DIEBITSCH SABALKANSKY; -brilliant carmine, late,” nobody cares about. It makes no difference to -anybody save his wife, whether Mr. Sabalkansky is early or late in his -habits; but to have the heroines of our dreams, like Mrs. Beecher Stowe -and Anna Paulowna, ticketed so slightingly, was more than we could bear -with equanimity. - -We wandered for hours among the grand _Victoria Regias_, the -sweet-scented _Heparusa longifolios_, the superb _Gloxianas_, the tiny -_Hopdedoodle calaboosas_, and the stately _Acacias_. Fountains of -rose-water splashed their sparkling drops among the dense and brilliant -foliage; cataracts of soda-water scattered misty bicarbonate sprays upon -the ornamental verdure. There were walks of shady palms, groves of -graceful maples, African cedars, and South American vines. The hall, -like the waist of Athen’s maid, was zone encircled. We paused for an -instant beneath an India-rubber tree and gave full stretch to our -imagination. We wondered what this world would be without flowers--a -body without a soul. If the soul of man is God’s breath, the flowers are -His smile. “Love flowers,” we said, imaginatively, to the people around -us; “the promises of Heaven are written on their leaves. At births and -marriages they are symbols of death, for with the fading sunlight they -too fade; but white and pure upon the breast of the silent sleeper, ’tis -life they typify, the life which knows no night--love flowers and teach -your children to love them.” - -Thinking of flowers and children brought to mind the - -SWEDISH NURSERY AND KINDERGARTEN - -erected upon the grounds, and we resolved to visit it before nightfall. - -We arrived there just in time to witness a good old-time spanking in the -Swedish style, which is the Norway of doing it also. Both the delight -and labor afforded the two participants in the operation seemed very -unequally divided. We heard the schoolboy yell in Swedish, however, and -learned how Swedish nightingales were made. The Swedish scholar is -evidently not a model, though his school-house may be. But we must admit -that the American youth surpasses all others in mischievous precocity. -This fact was made painfully apparent just previous to the opening of -the exhibition, in the trial of a little boy four years of age, son of -one of the Park Guards, for larceny. Judge Finletter occupied the bench. -We will insert - -THE CASE. - -[YOUTHFUL DEPRAVITY.] - -The Park Commissioners furnish a certain quantity of old horse shoes, -nails, and scraps of iron, semi-weekly, for the purpose of keeping the -fountain of iron water in the Park up to the proper medicinal standard. -This material is placed in the charge of one of the guards, and the lad -had been in the habit of abstracting quantities of the metal and -disposing of it, it was alleged, to the Phœnix Iron Works. This latter -allegation is not yet proven. Should such be the fact, we must -deploringly conclude that a large quantity of the iron used in the -construction of the Girard Avenue Bridge was obtained from this source. -We shall suspend judgment, however, and continue using the bridge as -usual until the firm is heard from and the matter settled. The boy was -hanged. - -We obtained permission from the Superintendent of the Kindergarten to -relate this little incident to young Sweden. We warned him against -having Park guards for fathers, and demonstrated the pettiness of such a -business as selling old iron, when the very highest price to be realized -therefrom, under the most favorable circumstances and general state of -commerce, is half a cent a pound. The children rose in a body when we -had concluded and passed us a vote of thanks, so we left the -establishment in the consciousness of duty well performed, and resolved -to send our children of the future to Sweden to be kindergartened. - -Next morning we started out very early, with the determination of -proceeding at once to the Main Building to make a tour among the foreign -exhibitors, but our progress was arrested by the most remarkable -occurrence ever happening in a civilized country. - -The day previous, Alderman Carpenter, of the Central Station, had -invited - -PRINCE HADJEE SADI CURRYHOTTE, - -[A BURNING SHAME.] - -cousin of the Rajah of India, to drive with him through the Park. The -Alderman having been the recipient of much attention from crowned heads -during his recent visit to the old world, desired to reciprocate, hence -the invitation. Most unfortunately, however, on approaching the -Zoological Gardens, a train of cars rattled suddenly over the -Pennsylvania Railroad Bridge. The horses became frightened, Carpenter -lost control of the animals, the carriage was overturned, and -Curryhotte, falling upon his head, was killed instantly. Of course this -occurrence caused no surprise to Philadelphians. Upsets and “accidental -deaths” in the Park from the same cause are looked for and expected at -least three times a week; the trouble arose from the fact that the -Prince had his wife in this country with him. As soon as she ascertained -that she was a widow, she resolved upon a _suttee_. She called her -relatives and friends together and bade them get the funeral pile in -readiness upon the - -“GRAND PLAZA,” - -where the fireworks are usually exhibited. The gentleman in charge of -the model cemetery, already mentioned in these annals, was the only -Caucasian informed of her intention, and he cheerfully colored his face, -donned the flowing robes of a Brahmin, and accepted the appointment of -Master of Ceremonies. - -Imagine our astonishment at coming upon this scene. The fire was -crackling merrily away, the corpse was frizzling a beautiful brown, and -the assembled participants were singing Hindoo hymns. The Master of -Ceremonies was standing at the head of the flames with the widow in his -arms. He was waiting till her husband should be nearly gone before he -chucked her on, in order to keep up the fun as long as possible. - -“Stop! hold!!” we shouted, as soon as we could control enough breath to -utter the sounds; “stop! We cannot allow any such proceedings--drop that -woman.” - -[Illustration] - -The Master of Ceremonies turned upon us fiercely-- - -[“WHOSE FUNERAL IS THIS?”] - -“Whose funeral is this?” he asked ironically, and there was a wicked -gleam in his eye which plainly indicated that he wasn’t going to be -defrauded of his job without a struggle. “Go on with the music,” he -added, turning to the Hindoos, who had ceased singing at the -interruption, and he raised the widow in his arms ready for the throw. -Our bosoms swelled; we were about to annihilate him, when chance -intervened to save his life. Some rumor of the contemplated ceremony had -reached the ears of the Park Commissioners. Naturally indignant that any -such thing should take place in the Park, without their permission being -first asked and obtained, they now came rushing upon the ground with -their little fire engine, closely followed by the Insurance Patrol. In -less time than it takes to record it, the widow was wrapped up in oil -skin blankets, the natives were howling other than hymn tunes, and the -fire and Master of Ceremonies were both put out by well-directed streams -of water. The latter threatened vengeance. He was the most disappointed -man we have ever seen. - -Whether war with India will be the result of this interference in a -national and religious custom, the future alone can tell. We proceeded -upon our way, and entering the Centennial precincts, the world within -the palings, we passed a week in inspecting the - -FOREIGN DEPARTMENTS. - -The foreign display within the Main Building was grand, that outside -was grander still. Had our minds been one whit less strong, we should -have been bewildered by the conglomeration. - -Turkish kiosks, Chinese pagodas, Japanese pavilions, Arabian tents, -Persian bazaars, Egyptian temples, Mohammedan mosques, Gypsy -encampments, and American drinks, enough to confuse any one. Then -monuments, booths, fountains, and cigar stands innumerable. We will give -one day as an example of our travels. - -We enter an Egyptian structure and behold an oriental barber shaving one -of his countrymen. Egypt cannot teach us anything about shaving our -countrymen; we do not linger here. As we leave the building a Russian -britzska, a carriage invented especially for the use of spelling bees, -dashes by us drawn by the very cream of Tartar steeds. We catch on -behind until we reach a Persian bazaar. We gaze upon the long bearded -native men, and the white shrouded native women, busily engaged in their -national occupation of going to sleep, and become wrapped up in the -shawls of imagination. We are aroused by a wailing outside, cries of -grief mingled with curses and lamentations in choice Persian and gum -Arabic. The cause of this wailing was soon made evident. - -LITTLE JOHNNY SHAH, - -heir-apparent to the throne of Persia, in a laudable thirst for -knowledge, offered a piece of cake to one of the young lions in the -Zoological Gardens. He wished to find out how old he was, by his teeth. -The experiment will not affect the scientific world as much as it did -the young Persian. That lion may still be seen picking finger-nails out -of his teeth, and as all loyal subjects in Persia are expected to do as -their sovereign does, a dispatch sent to Teheran announced the pleasing -intelligence, that under the next Shah it would be the fashion to wear -but half a finger and a thumb on the left hand. We remain awhile to -share the grief of the stricken father and seventeen mothers, and then -resume our pilgrimage. - -We pause for a moment before the French restaurant, enraptured, looking -at the pretty girls and other dainties served up there. We decline the -invitation of a Chinese drummer, hanging around to inveigle parties into -the restaurant established by his country, with a long rigmarole about -“kittens fried in castor oil,” and enter the Main Hall. - -[WE SEE NO SEÑORITAS.] - -We land in the desert of Sahara, but desert Sahara and step over to -Spain. We look for bright-eyed señoritas, with black lace veils and -stringless guitars; we have been educated to expect this in Spain, by -the ladies of the “International Tea Party.” We are disappointed; we -find a few men who look as if they had walked all the way from Madrid, -selling wine, fruit, and olive oil. We pass through Portugal; more wine, -fruit, and olive oil. We hop through Japan, change a ten cent note for a -bushel of their “hard money,” and sachey on. We linger for hours in fair -France, principally in the Paris department. We saunter through Austria, -stopping to speak a word of complimentary encouragement to the Emperor, -who looks a little down-hearted, evidently thinking of Vienna; then -through Germany and Switzerland, until we reach Great Britain. - -She is gay and festive. She exhibits models of all her public buildings, -among the most interesting being the tower in which Anna Bowlegs was -decapitated. The order of this lady’s garter too is very curious, and is -exhibited, together with her marriage certificate. The only article sold -in this department is - -WINDSOR SOAP, - -put up in neat boxes, _fac similes_ of the castle in which its peculiar -properties were first discovered. Victoria and the girls are faithful -attendants at the table. They are assisted by Mr. John Bright, the -eminent proprietor of a popular kidney disease, and also by the Chief of -our Fire Department, who is suspiciously attentive to the oldest of the -ladies. We end up our day’s travels in Russia. The tardy participation -of this power was attributed in some quarters to the exertions of a Mrs. -Catacrazy, who was offended by a Washington lady, and took this means, -it is said, of “getting even.” Such is not the fact. The cause was, -briefly, as follows:-- - -PRINCE GORTSCHAKOFF - -[A STATE SECRET.] - -visited this country _incognito_ a short time ago, and of course passed -a few days in Philadelphia. One day, leisurely walking through East -Park, with his clay pipe in his mouth and his _shillalah_ in his hand, -he carelessly broke a small spray of green from a bush by the wayside -and stuck it in his hat. A careful Park guard saw him and arrested him -at once, on a charge of malicious mischief. The Prince remonstrated in -choice Russian. The guard, pretending not to understand him, answered in -Chaldaic, and dragged him before Magistrate Smith. He was fined five -dollars for destroying the shrubbery and ten dollars for speaking -disrespectfully to a Park guard. When it was discovered who the offender -was, Mr. Wm. M. Bunn, in his capacity as Guardian of the Poor, at once -paid the fine. Mr. Bunn explained to the Prince what a valuable country -this was, when a foreigner is obliged to pay five dollars for a single -green sprig. - -Gortschakoff gratefully presented Mr. Bunn with the order of the “Golden -Fleece,” and regretted that he hadn’t another to bestow upon the -magistrate. - -This and this alone was the cause, and we tell it confidentially to our -countrymen. - -The tardiness, however, did not materially affect either the exhibit of -Russia or the success of the Exposition. Indeed, the French visitors -freely asserted that the Exhibition far surpassed the Vienna fair of -’72, and the German guests boldly declared, with a unanimous voice, its -superiority to the Paris Exhibition of ’67. - - - - -CHAPTER IX. - -“THE FLICKERING.” ... HOW IT DIMMED AND HOW IT BRIGHTENED. - - -[Illustration] - -Father Time seemed to be the only Philadelphian who did not deviate from -his ordinary course of life during the Exhibition months. He continued -sowing and reaping as usual; cutting the blooming flowers from the stem -of the year, and counting the sands which carried with them into -oblivion, gradually but surely, exhibition, visitors, commissioners, and -restaurant keepers. But though his children were unable to prolong a -single passing moment, they managed to crowd into each day as much -novelty and excitement as would ordinarily suffice for a twelvemonth, -and they got the better of the old man in this way. - -To attempt a record of one tithe of the many occurrences deserving -immortalization at our hands, would be to meet with failure as complete -as that which attended the experiment of Mr. Charles Airy, of Georgia, -with his flying-machine, upon the third day of June, 1876. - -This young man had communicated with that eminent scientist, Mayor -Stokley, about a year previous to the attempt. The Mayor, who delights -in encouraging genius of all kinds, promised his countenance to a trial -trip of the machine at Philadelphia during the Centennial year. - -“I will go with you,” he promised, “I, myself, will ascend with you into -the illimitable ether; together will we make the attempt, together will -we share the glory.” - -This fact becoming known, Messrs. Daniel Dougherty and George Francis -Childs, anxious to imitate so noble an example, entered their names, -too, upon the ship’s books for the voyage. Airy was happy, and his -happiness became delirious joy when, a week previous to the date of -departure, he received another application worded as follows:-- - -[SOARING GENIUS.] - - “I long to soar above this world of trials. False outwardness weighs - upon my heart; the scent of earth smothers the zephyrean impulses of - my soul. Take me with you. Yon, yon, into that blissful atmospheric - belt where hay-fevers are unknown. - - “Confidingly yours, - “H. W. B.” - -The report of the coming trial of this air-ship spread rapidly -throughout the land. Scientific men, railroad agents, and rapid transit -speculators arrived in flocks and examined and re-examined the various -rods, wires, screws, governors, pistons, cogs, gauges, and cranks. The -newspapers, too, were lavish with preparatory puffs. Fate willed, -however, that they should not be strong enough to blow success. - -The machine was constructed in the shape of an American eagle with -outstretched wings. A neat little boudoir was fitted up for passengers -between the ribs, and a refrigerator for provisions was suspended from -the beak. - -The eventful morning arrived and saw an immense concourse of people at -the foot of Sawyer’s Observatory, from the summit of which the -experimental flight was to be made at 10 o’clock precisely. At that hour -the inventor was on hand, attired in pink tights and spangles. A note -was handed to him by Mr. Sawyer; he read it aloud to the assemblage-- - -[HE COMETH NOT.] - - “MY DEAR AIRY: I am unable to rise even from my bed, so of course - can’t go up with you to-day. The doctor has just examined my silvery - tongue, and bids me stay at home. He thinks I have been high enough - this week, and says, jocosely, having been on a lark I had better - ‘shoot the eagle.’ I lie here as I write you this note. Better luck - next time. - - “DOUGHERTY.” - -Airy was disappointed, and his countenance grew longer when a second -note quickly followed the first:-- - - “Sad and broken are my spirits. I am out of heart to-day, for my hope - of flying with you has itself just flown away. My young man has left - the office, gone to meet his brother Jim, I must take the - advertisements, hitherto received by him. Were I not tied to my - Ledger--free upon my native wilds, naught but death could keep me from - you. - - “Ever yours, - “GEORGE FRANCIS CHILDS.” - -“Never mind,” sighed Airy, “as long as Stokley sticks by me, I don’t -care.” But alas, the hour for starting came and passed, and Stokley put -in no appearance. Another hour winged its silent flight, and the people -below grew impatient. Thirty minutes more, and the Mayor was still among -the wanting. Twelve o’clock pealed simultaneously from the restaurant -clocks, always half an hour fast, and the inventor had sadly made up his -mind to start alone, when a figure waving a red handkerchief appeared -upon the brow of George’s Hill. “Ah,” shouted Airy, “Stokley at last--I -knew he’d come.” - -The figure hurried on, but soon those upon the Observatory could see -that it was not the Mayor. ’Twas a more ponderous form, bare-headed, -with a wealth of silver locks floating in the wind. - -“Wait for me,” it cried, “oh wait for me, I pray!” and ten minutes later -the great Plymouth preacher stood grasping Airy by the hand. - -“Let smiles, like summer buds, adorn the pastures of thy face--I’m -here!” - -There was a bustle in the crowd, and the people cheered and cheered -again, when it became evident that the wonderful machine was soon to -move. The passenger was handed into the boudoir, and the inventor, -getting astride of the metallic bird, tucked his coat tails beneath its -sacred wings. The excitement below was intense. - -“I will wait five minutes more for Stokley,” said Mr. Airy; “he will be -so disappointed if he finds I have started without him.” - -Suddenly the telegraphic wires attached to the bird’s tail began to -work;--a message from Stokley at last. - -“Can’t come; wife won’t let me--_bon voyage_--Bill.” - -“Let go the ropes,” shouted Airy. - -The strings were cut from the eagle’s talons, and the great machine with -a rush and a flutter, rose majestically five hundred feet in the air, -and--majestically staid there. Then the intrepid rider began hunting for -the screw designed to effect a downward motion, and the passenger in the -boudoir began to look pale and anxious. The crowd below saw a little man -frantically jerking at wires and springs, turning screws and varying -gauges, and a metallic eagle stationery in the air above them. - -[YE GALLANT TAR AND HIS MORTAR.] - -The inventor’s exertions were in vain; the machine wouldn’t go up and -wouldn’t come down. There hung the noble bird with its noble freight, -like Mahomet’s coffin, ’twixt earth and heaven. Night fell and the eagle -didn’t. The pale moon rose up slowly and calmly, she looked down, and -her man seemed to be laughing at the unfortunate aeronauts. A week -passed, and the refrigerator being empty, it was dropped from the bird’s -beak in the hope of effecting a change of position;--but all in vain. -That machine became an object of exclusive interest, and hundreds of -plans were devised for reaching it, but without avail. Mortars were -brought from the Navy Yard and provisions were shot up to the inventor, -and bouquets and slippers to his companion. A loaf of rye bread hit the -proud American eagle in the eye, and a veal cutlet knocked out the -passenger’s front teeth. On the twelfth day of their elevation, a rope -two miles long, manufactured expressly for the purpose, was tied around -the body of a young porker. Piggy was then shot up from a mortar aimed -by Mr. A. E. Borie, whose experience as Secretary of the Navy made him -best fitted for the delicate and important task. The choice was well -made; the porker landed in the passenger’s lap and was clasped to his -bosom in a convulsive embrace. Then a discussion arose in the air ship -as to which of the twain should be first lowered. A penny was tossed, -and of course the passenger won. The haggard inventor sighed and -submitted to the decree of fate. But the moment the great preacher was -out of the machine, while he yet dangled in air, it collapsed, and -before the pitying and astounded crowd could utter the cry which rose to -its lips, the wonderful aerial ship was a ton of old metal and straps, -strewed about the Centennial grounds. The passenger came down, as he -does all things, gracefully, and was caught in the outstretched arms of -a delegation of his flock. Mr. Airy was shipped back to Georgia in -sunburnt sections, just as he was found, a leg to-day, a thumb -to-morrow, and a nose next week. They were still receiving small -consignments of him at headquarters at last accounts. Coroner’s -verdict:--“Too much gas in the balloon to allow it to come down, and not -enough to carry it up higher.” - -This failure cast a gloom over the exhibition, which was not dispelled -until the 21st day of the month, when the great “cricket match” was -inaugurated. - -This was an interesting occasion, long anticipated in sporting circles. -The celebrated “Newhall Eleven” was to be pitted against the “All Comers -Eleven,” for the championship of America, a silver belt and a tin water -vessel in the shape of a pocket flask. - -The game was called at five o’clock in the morning, upon the -International cricket ground in the rear of Horticultural Hall. The -“Newhall Eleven” was sent to the bat, Hen and Bill having charge of the -wickets, with Herb Meade and Pop Beer attending to the bowls. - -[SINGLES, DOUBLES, AND TRIPLETS.] - -Henry began by drawing his leg for one, and continued this surgical -operation by drawing his arm for another one, which made two. Bill -started off and lost his stump, which was picked up by Pop Beer, who -regretted to find it out. Pete Newhall then came in. By a hit to square -leg he made four, and by a miss to round leg, six. The game now became -exciting. Three leg bails and two leg byes were scored on Herb Meade, -who after following with two wides and one narrow, was relieved by Joe -Large. He began with a maiden who brought in a single, double, and -triplets in quick succession. Hen Newhall was caught out by Beer, and -his brother Tim came to the scratch confident and fresh as a daisy. He -gave evidence of careful training, and got in a good cut with his pocket -knife. He followed this with a drive through the park, after which -several more maidens were gallantly picked up by Messrs. Outerbridge and -Wirebridge, when, the crowd being asleep, the continuation of the game -was postponed until the next day. - -Tim Newhall retired gracefully on a squirmer, and Ike came in on a -check, opening with a splendid hit under the ropes beyond the bottle -holder, scoring four. Joe Large here burnt his fingers on a hot liner, -and Ike, by a hit between long leg and short leg, scored another two. -The bowlers were then changed for Messrs. Caldwell and Calledill, and -the game proceeded. - -The Newhall Eleven continued gallivanting among maidens and wides and -byes, until they had scored 202, when the selected eleven went in. They -could do nothing, however, against the heavy Newhall bowling. Large, -Small, and Medium went out in one, two, three, order. Caldwell caught a -ball between his teeth and held it there while he made twenty-three -runs, winning the tin flask for the best individual score, but beyond -this the play was weak. - -We shall not attempt a chemical analysis of the bowling, but merely give -the following record of runs, which contains all that is historical--the -result. - -“_Newhall Eleven._” - - RUNS. - George Newhall 20 - Sam. Newhall 19 - Hen Newhall 18 - Bill Newhall 17 - Ike Newhall 18 - Tim Newhall 19 - Pete Newhall 18 - Bob Newhall 19 - Dave Newhall 17 - Ed. Newhall 17 - Oldhall himself 20 - --- - Total 202 - -“_Selected Eleven._” - - RUNS. - Joseph Large 0 - Ephraim Small 0 - Manassah Medium 0 - John Outerbridge 15 - Jim Innerbridge 14 - Fred Wirebridge 13 - Herb Meade 5 - Pop Beer 4 - Jake Caldwell 23 - Moe Calledill 11 - Abe Rooster 2 - --- - Total 87 - -In compliance with the request of the Executive Committee, this was the -only inning played. Too many foreign visitors lost their fortunes in -betting to admit of a continuance. - -The day after this match things looked gloomy again. The Philadelphia -Rifle Club, designing to take part in the International Shooting Match -in September, went out to the Park to practise, taking the shield-like -boards containing the Park Regulations for targets. In seven minutes -four little children were shot dead. ’Tis true they were very little -children, and their parents had plenty more of the same kind at home; -still the occurrence was unpleasant. Fortunately the Park Commissioners -interfered with this mode of practising before any of the sign-boards -had been injured. - -[THE DIN OF WAR.] - -An American Camp Meeting and a Mock Battle were the other principal -novelties which filled out the programme of the week. We stayed away -from the camp-meeting on principle--they kept perpetually passing the -contribution box, so of course we know nothing of it, and were not -benefited by it. The mock battle, however, was entirely in our line. We -come from old Revolutionary stock. The powder box is among our earliest -recollections, and we cut our first teeth on bullets. A really -first-class mock battle thrills us to the core. We are ready to look on -at any time. - -The militia encamped in the vicinity of Belmont, and formed during some -months of the Exposition, a most attractive feature. The boys, in neat -white tents, with carpeted floors, walnut furniture, and spring-chicken -breakfasts, endured all the luxuries of real camp-life. They were -compelled to rise at eight o’clock every morning, black their boots, -brush their hair, and prepare to meet their lady friends. At 2 P. M. the -roll was called, and every man was required to report for dinner; after -which, the army drove around the Park in carriages supplied by the -Commissioners. Foreign commanders of all grades and nationalities -pronounced them the cleanest, neatest, jauntiest lot of heroes they had -ever seen. Small wonder that the boys wanted a fight! - -The battle was to be followed by a hop. Special invitations by Dreka, on -tinted paper adorned with suitable monograms, were sent to the lady -acquaintances of the warriors taking part. The ground was well sprinkled -with saw-dust for the convenience and protection of the dying and the -dead. - -[THE COMBAT DEEPENS--ON, YE BRAVES!] - -At eight A. M., the boys having risen an hour earlier than usual, Col. -R. Dale Benson entered the ring and rode around it three times at -break-neck speed, amid the tremendous plaudits of a tremendous crowd. In -one hand he carried the stars and stripes; in the other, his unsheathed -sword. His horse’s bridle he held between his teeth. With a final “HOUP -LA,” he vanished behind the screen. General Wagner, who commanded the -opposing party, then rode in, bowed to the audience, and placed a chip -of wood on his left shoulder. Benson returned, minus the flag, and -boldly knocked the chip off. This was the signal for the fray. Drums -were beat, trumpets sounded; the crowd applauded, children shrieked, -women fainted, and amid all the din,-- - - “Forth from the canvas tent, - Marched the First Regiment,” - -while from the opposite side of the field, the Second Regiment and the -Jersey Blues approached, preceded by the West Point Drum Corps. Around -from the left wing, cautiously moving forward, came the Keystone -Battery, each swarthy gunner with a camelia in his button-hole, while -the City Troop, bouncing upon their martial steeds, came gaily from the -right. Suddenly their captain, Rogers, rushed to the centre of the -arena. He waved his sword on high. - -“Forward, the _Light_ Brigade--Charge for the guns,” he said; and, quick -as thought, the swarthy gunners were flying like chaff before the wind. - -And now broke out the dread roll of musketry, and the air was obscured -by the terrible smoke of war. The First Regiment fired four volleys in -quick succession, to make the smoke thick, and then fell flat to the -ground. Meantime, the Jersey Blues dashed forward with fixed bayonets to -recapture the battery and return it to the swarthy gunners, who were now -distributed around various parts of the Park. The nervous excitement -among the lookers-on became almost too great to bear. Don Carlos of -Spain, who was on the grand stand, pulled off his coat and was only -restrained from jumping into the ring through the exertions of General -Grant, whose own pulse was beating high. - -The smoke cleared away, and then leapt into the _mêlée_ the star of the -entertainment, General Philip Sheridan, standing erect upon his -bare-backed steed. Shout upon shout greeted his appearance, and it was -fully five minutes before the audience would allow the battle to -proceed. - -[WHOOP!] - -The City Troop stood immovable before the gleaming bayonets of their -assailants; the First and Second Regiments popped away at each other -with blank cartridges, and General Sheridan, alone in the centre of the -field, uttered the wild blood-curdling whoop which he had learned from -the savages, and which stands him in such good service in his married -life. Few women could brave a whoop like that. - -[Illustration] - -Such was the position of the field, and victory seemed doubtful upon -which banner to perch. - -“Surrender!” shouted the Captain of the Jersey Blues. - -“Never!” thundered Rogers of the Troop. - -“Whoop! whoop!” came thrillingly from the lungs of Sheridan. - -“Advance in solid square and flank them on both ends,” commanded Benson -of the doughty First. - -“Open ranks, trap them into your centre and then close about them,” -ordered Col. Neff, of the Invincible Second. - -“Whoop! whoop! whoop!” yelled Little Phil. - -“Hold one moment,” sounded a deep full voice above all the rest, the -voice of Sherman, the umpire; “who’s to win this battle? It’s past lunch -time and I should like the thing decided.” - -At the word “lunch,” a change came o’er the scene. - -“We surrender,” remarked Rogers. - -“Whoop!” shouted Sheridan for the last time, and Col. Benson, mounting -one of the guns, crowed lustily. The warriors, covered with sawdust and -glory, then mingled with the crowd; and when we left the ladies were -busily engaged brushing the former from the uniforms of their favorites, -who were modestly receiving the latter in the congratulations of all -around them. - -We didn’t wait for the hop, but learned that it was as satisfactory as -the military display. - -And so passed the time until that day of days, the Fourth of July, 1876. -One hundred thousand Americans, who had not taken part in their -country’s first birth-day celebration, resolved to atone for that -neglect upon this occasion. Statues were to be unveiled, fountains -dedicated, salutes fired, and fireworks exploded. An enthusiastic -astronomer predicted that the sun would rise an hour earlier than the -regulation time for the season upon this great day and his augury proved -correct. - -At four o’clock A. M. the Mayor of the city, who, with the members of -Councils, had slept upon the grounds, entered the Main Exhibition Hall, -read a few chapters of the Bible from the top of the southeastern tower, -and finished up with his usual proclamation forbidding the firing of -guns and pistols other than those specially ordered for the salutes. A -selected choir of mysterious pilgrims then sang a choice collection of -hymns. - -At the conclusion of this religious exercise, free lunch and forty -thousand loaves of bread were distributed from the steps of Memorial -Hall. It was an imposing sight to behold the long line of visitors, who -were living here on the European plan, with their tin-pails and baskets, -waiting for the loaves and soup. - -[A GOOD TURN.] - -At seven o’clock the Liquor Dealers’ Protective Union proceeded to the -Catholic Temperance Fountain, and dedicated the same with appropriate -ceremonies. The president of the T. A. B.’s turned on the cock, and for -the first half hour the magnificent fountain spouted sparkling streams -of golden whisky, generously supplied as a pleasant surprise by the -Protective Union. - -The statue of Christopher Columbus, the jolly salt previously mentioned -in this history, was next to be unveiled. It was serenaded by an -orchestra of eighty hand-organs, after which the Italian societies and -citizens were addressed in their native tongue by the Italian Minister -to the United States. He commenced, naturally, with a glowing eulogy -upon his immortal countryman-- - -“Sono rare e fugaci le occasioni grandi, ed è pudenza e magnanimita, -quando si offeriscono, l’accettarle,” said he, “and the noble man, whose -statue reared by loving hands now stands beneath that veil, took his -tide at its flood. Ill mondo è un bel libro, ma poco serve a chi non lo -sa leggere, but ’twas a book which was plain to him, a book which he had -read, an open page which he had studied. - -“Ill sangue nobile è un accidente della fortuna; le azioni nobili -carratterizzano il grande. No title greeted his coming to the world, but -he left at his exit a name which still lives freshly on every tongue, -while hundreds of potentates and their titles are forever buried in -oblivion. Raise, raise the veil and let his features smile upon us.” - -Amid cheers and _vivas_, the veil was raised; when lo--the committee had -made a mistake, and instead of Columbus, the statue of Religious Liberty -erected by the Jewish order of _B’nai B’rith_ was exposed to view. The -Italian minister was disgusted, and so were the Jewish lodges when they -arrived and found their statue already unveiled. They arranged matters -amicably, however, and started off with the sons of sunny Italy to -discover the great discoverer and let off their speeches at the base of -his monument. At ten o’clock there was a grand military review, of which -we will spare our readers the account, and at twelve precisely the -International Concert in the open air was inaugurated with a symphony by -twenty thousand string instruments. Most of the people thought the -musicians were just tuning up, so of course the symphony was a success. -At its conclusion an awful and unexpected sound startled the assemblage. -The earth trembled, and the towering trees bent their haughty heads to -earth. The Messrs. Krupp of Prussia, had fired off their mammoth gun. As -soon as the report reached police headquarters, a posse under command of -Chief Jones started for the grounds and arrested the Messrs. Krupp, -their engineers and firemen, for violating the Mayor’s proclamation. -They passed the remainder of the day in the cells at Fifth and Chestnut -Streets. After the excitement caused by this proceeding had subsided, -the concert was continued. - -The national hymn of each country was rendered by its native artists in -appropriate costumes, all at the same time. The Mukdeesha Warblers from -the Eastern shore of Africa, made the most noise; and the English -singers in their affecting anthem “God shave the Queen,” made the most -music. - -[FIREWORKS--HEREDITARY TALENT.] - -It was four o’clock P. M. before the last howl died on the summer air, -and then the crowds began moving towards the “Grand Plaza.” Here the -display of fireworks was to take place under the direction of Professor -Jackson, son of the Professor Jackson who directed the famous fireworks -at New Orleans some years previously. One large piece was erected in -honor of each State in the Union, and one in honor of each Nation -represented in the Exposition. We make a few extracts from the programme -(printed on white satin) which was handed to each attendant at the -“Plaza,” young and old, rich and poor. - -21. THE CITY OF PHILADELPHIA:--A large Quaker with broad-brimmed hat in -blue and gold. His feet represent, respectively, Philadelphia and West -Philadelphia, with the Schuylkill River, at white heat, flowing between. -The tip of his hat typifies the State House steeple, and Seybert’s bell -will ring inside while the piece is burning. - -40. THE EXHIBITION BUILDINGS:--Gold, silver, and currency flames, with -violet lights in relief. The commissioners in red, white, and blue, with -stars darting from their eyes, distributed judiciously through the -piece. - -54. THE LION AND THE EAGLE LYING DOWN TOGETHER:--Symbolic of the peace -’twixt England and America. N.B. The Eagle is inside of the Lion. - -72. PEARLS BEYOND PRICE:--A golden oyster opens and emits in order the -coats of arms of the thirteen original States. - -84. A GOOD PUFF:--A mammoth cigar, which, shedding its outer wrapper, -will reveal the form and features of General Grant in blue blazes. - -[GETTING HOME.] - -At 5.15 o’clock, Professor Jackson thanked the Lord that all his -preparations were completed; at 5.20 the Lord responded with the -heaviest shower of rain witnessed since the deluge. It exceeded Mr. -Jackson’s usual showers, in the same proportion as this spectacular -effort was to have exceeded his former pyrotechnic exhibitions. The -fire-works were turned to water-works, and the crowd sadly and slowly -worked its passage home. - - - - -CHAPTER X. - -“THE SMOKE.” ... HOW IT WENT UP. - - -[Illustration] - -Sere and yellow grows the leaf in these closing pages of our volume, and -in now recording the last doings in connection with the Exposition, we -would have such a splendid opportunity for enlarging upon the mutability -of mundane affairs, that we regret having neither the space nor contract -for moralizing. We feel that we could say something striking, something -original, something to be remembered on the reader’s deathbed, as a balm -and consolation--but alas, prosaic publishers forbid; they will not -allow us to inscribe words which might make death appear desirable. - -On the tenth day of September the charge for admission to the Exposition -was reduced one-half for the time of its continuance. This action -occasioned a great influx of European nobility and gentry, parties who -had been waiting for the reduction, and the extreme capacity of the -various steamship lines was taxed for their accommodation. Baron -Rothschild, Baroness Burdett Coutts, and the Marquis of Lorne were among -those who gave a new spurt of brilliancy to the affair. The poor Greeks -came too, during these months, and their eminent countryman A. T. -Stewart also made his first appearance upon the grounds. - -By this time most of the potentates had departed. We had become so used -to affecting farewells, that the tears started voluntarily to our eyes -whenever we chanced to hear a steamboat bell or a locomotive whistle. -Only one of the potentates left without paying his hotel bill, a most -gratifying fact. We refrain from mentioning his name out of -consideration for his family. - -Things in general, out upon the grounds and in the buildings, began to -look seedy, and the combined action of the Chinese and Japanese -Commissioners, in summarily shutting up their portion of the show and -going home, was productive of a general feeling of listlessness, a sort -of forewarning of the end. We are sure that everything was done that -could be done to please these pigtailed and pig-headed Celestials, but -the fact is, the old boy himself couldn’t satisfy them. We have no -desire to record anything harsh, but we deem it our plain duty to state -clearly, for the vindication of our beloved country in the eyes of -posterity, what really occasioned this sudden move. - -Every candid reader will admit that it could by no possibility prove an -easy task to supply, for the many varieties of visitors of such -different tastes and habits, a full and liberal allowance of palatable -food, such as that to which they had been accustomed. After the episode -of the Sandwich Island Commission which we have noted, the gentlemen of -this delegation were given free run of the anatomical departments of -Jefferson Medical College and the University, and the Executive -Committee congratulated itself that they, at least, were provided for. -And so they were. No more waiters were missed during the entire time of -their stay. But suddenly, there was a revolution at the “Globe Hotel” -and a mutiny at the “Transcontinental.” - -[GIVE ’EM RATS!] - -Day after day had the stewards of these hotels scoured the Callowhill -Street, the Spring Garden Street, the Girard Avenue, and _all_ the city -markets with terrier dogs and shotguns, hunting rats to be served to the -Celestials at their establishments. Traps, too, were placed under each -stall; in short every luxury the markets afforded in this line was -prepared for them, and the products of thousands of private traps were -generously donated by patriotic citizens, and yet the supply was not -equal to the demand. Our visitors found a peculiar fascinating flavor in -the American rat, and it became absolutely impossible to satisfy them. -Then, too, the candles at these hostelries disappeared in a rapid and -mysterious manner. Mysterious until one fatal Wednesday evening, when a -Mandarin of the first rank, who was entitled to wear six swords and able -to swallow the half dozen at once, and who consequently ought to have -known better, was discovered with a box of penny dips under his flowing -robes, making his way stealthily up the cellar steps at the “Globe.” The -very same evening a great commotion was raised at the “Transcontinental” -by the discovery of Gail Hamilton’s lapdog, stewed in kerosene oil, in -the private chamber of the Secretary of the Chinese delegation. As might -be expected, the visitors joined cause, braved the thing out, and -declared that they were being starved, and were forced to this action to -sustain life. Then, packing up their goods, they left indignantly in a -body. - -[THE BATTLE OF THE MOTHERS.] - -Reunions and conclaves, however, and meetings of national and -international, social, philanthropic, medical and scientific bodies, -kept things tolerably lively, and the month of October was really -brilliant. There was a horse show, a cattle show, a dog show, and a -poultry show. There was to have been a baby show too. In fact, it was -announced and arranged, but was broken up on the very day of opening by -a terrible battle among the mothers. - -This battle was consequent upon the arrival of a - -MRS. MCDUFF, - -with a red-headed and cross-eyed infant. - -“Begurra, what are ye doin’ here? go home wid ye,” was her greeting to -the fond mammas seated in the live-stock yard of the Pennsylvania R. R. -Co. with their babies in their arms. “What’s the good o’ ye a sittin’ -here, compating wid me Mickey?--arrah, luk at the child and tell me -where’s his ekul--sure there’s nary one among ye has a baby fit to go -’longside o’ him, wid his beautiful awburn hair and the shwate smile -atwixt his eyes--go home wid ye, go home!” - -And, rolling up her sleeves she improvised a war dance. - -After four buckets of gore had been spilled, the managers adjourned the -exhibition, giving every survivor, without exception, a gold medal. -Under the circumstances this was their wisest possible action. - -Of all the live-stock exhibitions the dog show was the most successful. -The International Exposition would have been sadly wanting in -completeness if the faithful companion of man had been denied a place -and recognition within its hallowed precincts. He had a place. The R. R. -Drove Yards were arranged in tiers, after the style of _La Scala_ at -Milan, only, instead of accommodating but thirty-six hundred spectators, -the drove yards accommodated, easily, as many thousands. We know of -nothing to which this show can be likened save the dog pound in August. -Wherever the lorgnette or opera glass was directed, spaniels, poodles, -bloodhounds, terriers, pointers, setters, and bone-crunchers of every -species, from the board yard mongrel who never earned an honest meal, to -the noble St. Bernard who saves a life every morning before breakfast; -from the lady’s pet with his golden collar, to the pugilist’s bull-dog -with his iron chain, met the gaze and bewildered the senses. Every dog -had his day with him, tied up in tissue paper, and it was a pleasing -sight to notice--at a distance--the wistful eye with which many of the -canines followed the forms of plump visitors, and the broad grin with -which they greeted a well-developed thigh. - -THE INTERNATIONAL REGATTA - -was the last affair of prominence, save the distribution of prizes, -directly connected with the Exposition. - -During the entire Spring and Summer our local boat clubs had been in -active training, sitting on the ornamental balconies of their houses, -smoking good cigars and telling bad jokes; but they generously vied -with one another in the attention bestowed upon visiting clubs, -sustaining well the reputation for hospitality usually accorded to jolly -watermen. - -The 12th day of the month was the great day of the Regatta, the sports -opening with a single scull race between the commodores of the leading -American navies. - -Early in the morning Commodore Ferguson, of the Schuylkill Navy, might -have been seen cruising up and down the river, in his flag-ship, the old -frigate “Constitution.” In one hand he held a long stick with a hook at -the end, which he used for fishing old boots, hats, and other -obstructions from the stream; in the other he held a pair of opera -glasses. These he raised now and then to his weatherbeaten eye, -inspecting ratline, spar, spike, mast, shroud, windlass, and jib-boom of -the fleet under his command. The fish from the river had been removed -temporarily to the aquaria in the Zoological Gardens, and the Turbine -wheels were reversed to pump water into the river from the reservoir, so -that the boats might not run aground too easily. Both sides of the -river, along the entire course, from the Steamboat landing to Rockland, -were actually lined with spectators. Ensigns, pennants, signal flags, -and streamers were flying from every available point, and old Sol smiled -down graciously from above, with his time honored face newly burnished -for the occasion, and reflecting its own happiness in the splashing -water-drops below. - -First in position was James Gordon Bennett of New York, stripped to the -waist, with only a scarf of Scotch plaid thrown negligently about his -editorial form. This poor young man makes his living by rowing and -walking matches, literally the sweat of his brow, and the sympathies of -the crowd were with him. He was in a paper boat, made of old “Heralds” -and weighing just nine pounds. On his left was Mr. Lorillard, in a skiff -made of pressed tobacco leaves. Occasionally he leaned over to the edge -of his boat and bit a piece out. Commodore Forbes of Boston, was seated -in the identical boat used by Paul Revere when he rowed from Lexington -to Boston to give that alarm Mr. Longfellow wrote about, and Commodore -Kingsland had a silver boat. His colors were blue, and he looked his -colors all over when he glanced towards Bennett. Commodore Dickinson of -Brooklyn, was accompanied by his sister, Anna E., as coxswain; this -being required of him on account of the family light weight; his colors -were green. - -[WHO FIRED THAT BRICK?] - -At precisely half past ten, Commodore Ferguson fired a brick into the -river, which was the signal agreed upon, and the half score of -contestants, after the usual salute, dipped their oars and made such a -splendid start that it was vociferously _encored_. - -Secretary Robeson took the lead, closely followed by Bennett, the latter -being hotly pressed by Forbes of Boston. Then McGinnis of St. Louis, -made a spurt, got alongside of the “Herald,” which was soaking up water -like a sponge. The race was now bow to bow for a few seconds, when -O’Brien of Chicago, got rapidly forward. Robeson would still have had a -good lead if the boats had been on the return trip. Opposite the Girard -Bridge Commodore O’Shaughnessy of Baltimore, fouled Commodore Riley of -New Orleans, and the other contestants being in the rear, the race -narrowed down to Bennett, Lorillard, Forbes, and McGinnis. Near the -Columbia Bridge, McGinnis ran his penknife through Forbes of Boston’s -tub, and though Lorillard promptly tendered a plug from his vessel to -stop the leak, this delayed all but the irrepressible Bennett, who won -the race in 23 minutes 33½ seconds. This, strangely enough, was the same -result which had been published in the “N. Y. Herald” that same morning, -five hours before the race began. - -[Illustration] - -There remains now but little more to record. “Screw up your courage to -the sticking point” (sticking things into the fire), for we shall soon -part, mayhap to meet no more in print. We are happily permitted, -however, before concluding, to add weight to the oft-repeated assertion -that HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF. Let sceptics reading what follows, change -the current of their unbelieving thoughts. - - Now the end of the days of the Exposition was drawing nigh, and it - came to pass that the chief of all the city’s people dreamed a dream. - - And lo, in this dream he beheld a man sitting lonely upon a lump of - frozen water; his features were set and stern in mould, and icicles - dangled from the tips of his fingers and his nose. - -[AND THE VOICE SAID “WOE!”] - - And it seemed to the chief that he heard in his dream a voice, and the - voice said, “Woe!” - - Yea, “woe to those who have done this thing, who have placed me here - in this frigid spot and forgotten my existence.” - - “When they die may their noses long for icicles and long in vain, may - their parched tongues cleave into the gum roofing of their mouths, and - in their misery may they think of me.” - - And the chief man rose up early in the morning and summoned before - him, Mr. Sansom, the interpreter of the court, and related to him his - dream. - - But the interpreter shrugged his shoulders, and muttering, “nix - firstay,” he retired to his studies of the mystic and the profound. - - But it happened that when the city’s organs published the dream, the - minds of men reverted to their solicitor in the vaults of the - Knickerbocker Ice Co., and the interpretation of the dream was clear. - - And the hearts of men were moved to pity and impulses of compassion, - and they desired that the incarcerated man might view the fading - glories, which in their brilliancy, had gladdened his fellow-citizens. - - And the chief called his counsellors together, and Bardsley the son of - his father rose up and spoke. “Listen, ye pilgrims, to the words of - wisdom which fall like wild honey and locusts of the wilderness from - my lips!” - - “Behold, the days of the Exposition are not yet quite done; it is - still unsafe to risk this man’s attendance thereat; but lo, I would - suggest a plan whereby we may display in safety our compassion. - - “Let him ascend to the top of Sawyer’s Observatory, and from thence - look down upon the grounds, even as Moses of old looked down from - Nebo’s Height upon the Holy Land.” - -Yes, reader, it seems almost beyond belief that the lion-hearted -solicitor should have been forgotten. That the city managed to worry -along for six months without his supervision, is one of those mysterious -chances which may only be explained when the light of history and -careful, unprejudiced investigation shall, in the far distant future, -illuminate the cobwebbed darkness of ages long then past. - -As Bardsley suggested, so was it done. A committee was appointed with -power to act, and at high noon one clear, bright day, while special -thanksgiving services were being chanted in all the churches, the -General’s congealed form was hauled out of a wagon, with golden ice -nippers, and landed safely on the flag pavement of Independence Hall. A -gentle fire of rosewood shavings and sweet cacia wood was built around -him, and he was gradually and tenderly thawed out. The coat of ice -melted away; the stern features relaxed, the water dripped from all -portions of the herculean frame, the fog, mist, and steam generated by -the process cleared away, and - -CHARLIE WAS HIMSELF AGAIN. - -[THE CÆSAR OF THE AGE.] - -While he was still receiving the congratulations of his friends, the -contractors who were required to remove the buildings approached, and -publicly offered him one hundred thousand dollars to remain in his own -dwelling until the close of the exhibition and then go out to the -grounds and cause a final crash. This, of course, would save them -immense time, labor, and expenditure. With the dignity of Cæsar on the -Lupercal, he drew his form to its full height, and casting one look of -disdain upon the contractors, who instantaneously disappeared beneath -the flagging to rise no more, he walked slowly up Chestnut Street, -followed by the plaudits of an enthusiastic mob. - -THE AWARDS OF THE JUDGES, - -though of immense importance, are of especial interest only to the -exhibitors. Others desirous of posting themselves on this point, are -referred to the musty, fusty rows of figures and statistics which will -soon flood the American rag market. Two cents a pound is not an -exorbitant price for information which is at all desirable. From the -list of nine hundred and eight foreign and domestic judges, we will -merely select the following familiar names:--Ludlow, Thayer, Biddle, -Dwight, Paxson, Hackett, Cardoza, and Finletter; Dr. Mary Walker, Prof. -Proctor, Stephen Pearl Andrews, Bret Harte, Lydia Thompson, Wm. -Gladstone, Elwood Rowan, Gen. Garibaldi, Susan B. Anthony, and the -Marquis of Lorne. - -As the style of report was similar in all cases, an example will give a -general idea of the plan adopted. The scriptural quotations were altered -to suit each instance. - - +-----------------+-------------------------------+-----------+ - | “He giveth his | No. 1724. |“There is | - | beloved sleep.” | “Persian Roach Powder.” | death in | - | | |the pot.” | - +------+-------+--+---+-------+------+-------+----+----+------+ - |No. in|Rank in|Atten-|Punctu-|Liber-| Mis- |Marks of |Grand | - |class.|class. |dance.| ality.|ality.|conduct|appreci- |Total.| - | | | | | | marks.|ation of | | - | | | | | | | Judges’ | | - | | | | | | |services.| | - +------+-------+------+-------+------+-------+---------+------+ - | 427 | 426 | 10 | 10 |$12.75| 5 |12 boxes.| 2165 | - +------+-------+------+-------+------+-------+---------+------+ - | --Three Gold Medals-- | - | | - |Parent or Guardian will sign here ...........................| - | | - |“LORNE”--Judge of Roach Powder and Mother-in-Law Departments.| - +-------------------------------------------------------------+ - -The only squabble among the judges was concerning the report on American -fried oysters. Councilman Rowan and Premier Gladstone indulged in some -marked personalities. They might have come to blows but for the prompt -intervention of Miss Lydia Thompson and her little cowhide. She cornered -the belligerents. Mr. Gladstone apologized to our distinguished -councilman over a dish of the matter in dispute, and they compromised on -two gold medals and an honorable mention. - -[AN END TO EVERYTHING.] - -And now-- - -When the hands of Nature began stripping the foliage from the trees, the -hands of man began stripping the decorations from the gay palace-like -structures which had been the theatre of the world’s interest for six -memorable months. Like the possessions of that happy but mythical -“family declining housekeeping,” the hope and mainstay of the cheerful, -chirping auctioneer, little by little, piece by piece, the furniture and -contents of the great buildings were going--going--gone! - -The white beard of Winter covers our beautiful Park; he has laid his icy -hand upon the quiet stream which dances happily in the Summer days -between its green fringed banks; the tall trees stand bare, looking into -the gray-faced sky, and the jingle of sleigh-bells dies away in the -hollows, and rings out sharply o’er the frozen roads. The busy noise of -Machinery Hall is hushed and forgotten; if you wish to hear the humming -and the buzzing of a few weeks back, you must e’en apply to a -humming-bird or a buzz-saw. The cries of the different animals from the -vicinity of Agricultural Hall no longer reach the ear, no matter how -long the ear may be, and the scent of a million flowers from -Horticultural Hall no longer steals the senses. The stealing is all -over; the visitors have all gone home. - -Our country has had her holiday, and, donning her honest homespun suit, -she goes quietly, surely, and confidently to work upon her second -century. ’Tis but her babyhood which has passed into years gone, and -yet--she has proved herself a man. - -[FAREWELL.] - -Let us not endeavor to lift the veil which marks the boundary of the -present. Blessed are the eyes which have seen these glories past, for -many anticipating eyes grew closed and dulled before the fire blazed. -Dear reader, as its smoke is carried upward and beyond, reluctantly we -say-- - -“Farewell!” - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - -JOHN STILZ & SON, - -_THE POPULAR CLOTHIERS_ - -OF PHILADELPHIA, - -_S. E. cor. Seventh and Market Sts._, - -FINEST READY-MADE CLOTHING, - -CONSISTING OF - -_Elegant Spring, Fall, and Winter Overcoats_, - - FINE DRESS SUITS, - - FINE BUSINESS SUITS, - - Alpaca and Drap d’Ete Coats, - - Linen Ulsters and Dusters, - -_In immense variety, and at the lowest cash prices_. - - -ROBERT A. HANCE’S - -Granules of Podophyllin Comp. - -FOR AFFECTIONS OF THE LIVER, - -HEADACHE, CONSTIPATION OF THE BOWELS, etc., - -_No. 46 N. Tenth St., Philadelphia_. - -(Formerly 729 Market Street.) - -Our GRANULES OF PODOPHYLLIN COMP. have become so popular a remedy, that -we are encouraged to bring them more prominently before the public. They -are invaluable for - -Affections of the Liver, - -CONSTIPATION, DYSPEPSIA, HEADACHE, &c. - -They are _purely vegetable_, and form a complete substitute for Calomel -and Blue Mass, without any of their injurious effects. They make a safe, -efficient, and convenient family remedy, and, being small in size, are -more readily swallowed than a pill. - -DIRECTIONS.--For ordinary Headache or Liver Affections, take from 4 to -6, or a sufficient number on retiring to evacuate the bowels once or -twice the following day, and in severe cases repeat the dose for two or -three consecutive nights, and, if necessary, resume the above course in -two or three days. To produce a cathartic effect take 8 or more at a -dose. - -_Price 30 cents per Vial, by Mail, 35 cents._ - -WE ARE ALSO OFFERING - -_GRANULES OF SANTONINE COMP._ - -which are particularly adapted for the expulsion of Worms in children. -Unlike many worm nostrums of the day, they are entirely harmless, and, -being small in size, they make a safe remedy that is readily -administered. - -DOSE.--2 to 4 twice daily. - -_Price 30 cents per Vial, by Mail, 35 cents._ - -We are paying _exclusive attention_ to the manufacture of the above, -with a full line of FLUID EXTRACTS. - -DRUGGISTS and PHYSICIANS are solicited to give them a trial. We -confidently assert their _superiority_ to any in the market. - -=Price List furnished upon application.= - - - HENRY M. REIS. - C. BECHERER. - -REIS & BECHERER, - -[Illustration] - -IMPORTERS OF - -BRANDIES, WINES, GINS, - -ETC. ETC. ETC., - -No. 306 North Third Street, - -PHILADELPHIA. - - -FIELD & HARDIE, - - 633 - MARKET - Street, - PHILA., - -[Illustration] - - 624 - Commerce - Street, - PENNA. - -DEALERS AND MANUFACTURERS OF - -HARDWARE - -FOR - -BUILDERS, MACHINISTS, AND RAILROADS. - - PARTICULAR ATTENTION GIVEN TO ORDERS - FROM - ARCHITECTS AND OTHERS - -[Illustration: ALL WROUGHT RATCHET - -FIELD & HARDIE.] - - FOR - HARDWARE - SUITABLE FOR ALL KINDS OF BUILDINGS. - -ALWAYS IN STOCK A FULL LINE OF - -Sash Pulleys, with Composition Pins, - -FOR HEAVY SASH, - -Of our own Manufacture. - -DOOR LOCKS, - -_Over Two Hundred Styles_. - -Including MALLORY, WHEELER & CO.’S New Four-Tumbler Mortice and Rim -Locks, with Master Keys. Put up in sets for Hotels and Private -Residences. LOCK TRIMMINGS IN PURE SOLID BRONZE, SILVER AND NICKEL -PLATED, with Butt Hinges to match. - -Every variety of TRIMMINGS for Sash, and Inside Shutters. - -[Illustration: MASTER KEY. - -Set of 6 to 100 Locks. No two sets alike, unless so ordered.] - -[Illustration: Key belonging to a set of 6 to 100 Locks. No two in the -set alike.] - -NAILS, - -Sash-Weights, and Cord. - - -ESTABLISHED 1841. - - WRIGHT’S - “NE PLUS ULTRA” - MINCED MEAT. - - Be careful of - unprincipled Grocers - representing that - -[Illustration] - - They sell Wright’s - “NE PLUS ULTRA” - Minced Meat. - -The only Medal for Minced Meat, awarded by the Franklin Institute of -1874 to - -JOSHUA WRIGHT, - -_S. W. Corner_ - -Spring Garden and Franklin Streets, - -PHILADELPHIA. - - -H. D. MEYER, - -MILLINERY GOODS, - -RIBBONS, - -SILKS, SATINS, VELVETS, - -AND - -_STRAW GOODS_, - -No. 52 North Eighth Street, - -Below Arch, west side, - -PHILADELPHIA. - -_Trimmed Hats and Bonnets a Specialty._ - - -J. DICKSON & CO., - -ENGRAVERS - -BY - -DICKSON’S PATENT PROCESS. - -OFFICE: - -_North-East Corner Fourth and Walnut Sts._, - -PHILADELPHIA, PA. - -These Engravings possess the following Advantages over Wood Cuts: - -They are made of a material that is SUPERIOR to either metal or wood. - -They are not affected by DAMPNESS or any corroding agents, and will not -WARP or SPLIT. - -They do not get BLURRED when a large number of impressions are printed -from them; and they are furnished at =One-Half the Cost=. - -Electrotypes and Stereotypes can be made from these Engravings in the -usual manner. - -These Engravings are mounted on blocks type high, ready for use on any -printing press. - -Proofs furnished when required, and Engravings guaranteed to equal proof -in all respects. - -Engravings made for all sorts of Illustrations for Catalogues, -Circulars, Books and Newspapers, etc. - -Printers, Publishers, Manufacturers and others, desiring first-class -work at reasonable prices, should give us a trial. - -By this process all styles of Engraving may be imitated; thus enabling -type printers to do work formerly done by Lithography and other methods. - -Accurate, Fine, and Effective Work, also Illustrated Catalogues, a -Specialty. - -ESTIMATES FURNISHED. - -The Engravings made by our method have not the broken and blurred -appearance so peculiar in photo-engravings, zinc etchings, and other -kindred processes; besides being furnished in a very short time, and at -half the price of wood cuts. - -ENGRAVINGS MADE FROM PHOTOGRAPHS, SKETCHES, REPRINTS, &c., &c. - - Address, J. DICKSON & CO., - - _NORTH-EAST CORNER FOURTH AND WALNUT STREETS_, - - PHILADELPHIA, PA. - - N. B.--Orders by Mail Promptly Attended to. - - -PUBLISHERS, BOOKSELLERS, IMPORTERS AND STATIONERS. - - We carry complete stocks of Standard Miscellaneous Books, School and - College Text-Books, Foreign and Domestic Stationery. - -[Illustration] - - We offer advantages for the Purchase of Goods in all Departments of - our Business, unequalled by any House in the Trade. - - CLAXTON, REMSEN & HAFFELFINGER - 624, 626 and 628 Market St., - PHILADELPHIA. - -All orders for everything required by the Trade filled Promptly and on -the Most Favorable Terms. Correspondence solicited. - - -_PITKIN & THOMAS_, - -No. 71 North Second Street, - - PITKIN, WATERBURY & CO., - _110 Chambers St., New York_. - - PHILADELPHIA, - -WHOLESALE DEALERS IN - -GOVERNMENT STORES, - - OVERCOATS, - DRESS COATS, - BLOUSES, - JACKETS, - PANTS, etc. etc. - -ARMY BOOTS AND SHOES. - - RUBBER BLANKETS, - RUBBER OVERCOATS, - RUBBER HORSE COVERS, - WOOLLEN BLANKETS. - -Also, - -MANUFACTURERS OF AND DEALERS IN - - Buggy, Track, and Team Harness, - HORSE CLOTHING, &c. - -_SEND FOR PRICE LIST._ - - -LADIES’ FURS. - -BUFFALO AND SLEIGH ROBES. - - Seal - Coats. - -FURS. - - Seal - Caps. - -_etc. etc. etc._ - -BEST QUALITIES, LARGEST STOCK, - -_LOWEST PRICES_, - -AT - -NAV. C. REISKY, - -No. 237 ARCH STREET, - -PHILADELPHIA. - -_P.S.--I can sell a first-class article 10 per cent. less than any other -fur store in the City._ - -Shipping Furs bought in season. - - -[Illustration: - - HARBACH BROS., - CONFECTIONERS, - - HARBACH’S ORIGINAL CENTENNIAL NOUGATINES - - ESTABLISHED 1842. - - HARBACH’S - ORIGINAL WALNUT - CANDY. - - HARBACH’S - ORIGINAL - CONFECTIONS. - - HARBACH’S - ORIGINAL CARAMEL - COCOANUT. - - PATENTED MARCH 28, 1871. - - _36 N EIGHTH ST._, - PHILADA., PA. - -_36 N^{TH} 8^{TH} ST. & 807 & 809 FILBERT ST. PHILADA. PA._] - -[Illustration] - -[Illustration: - - LATEST NOVELTIES - _and Improvements in_ - - SCIOPTICON - AND 60 SLIDES $75 - AND 100 SLIDES $100 - LATEST IMPROVED - - THEO. J. HARBACH - IMPORTER - AND - MANUFACTURER - OF SLIDES FOR - the STEREOPTICON - _& MAGIC LANTERN_ - _CATALOGUE FREE._ - 809 FILBERT ST. PHILA. PA. - - DANCING SKELETON - TAKES OFF HEAD - DOUBLE MOVEMENT - ONLY $5^{00}. - - MAGIC LANTERNS, - Stereopticons & Slides.] - - -J. HENRY GERCKE, - -[Illustration] - -WATCHMAKER AND JEWELER, - -1206 Pine Street, - -_PHILADELPHIA_, - -DEALER IN - -Watches, Jewelry, Wedding Rings, etc. - -MANUFACTURER OF - -Masonic Marks, Society Emblems, etc. - -ALSO SPECIAL AGENT FOR THE - -CENTENNIAL WATCH, - -AND THE - -CELEBRATED “56” CHARM. - -_Particular attention paid to Repairing._ - - - ENTERPRISING. - PROMPT. - PRACTICAL. - -HIRSCH & LARZELERE, - -COMMERCIAL PRINTERS, - -No. 30 South Fourth St., Philada. - -SPECIALTIES: - - BILL-HEADS, - LETTER-HEADS, - STATEMENTS, - LABELS, - -CIRCULARS, CARDS, etc. etc. - -_Printing in English, German, French, Spanish, and all Modern -Languages._ - -GIVE US A TRIAL. - - HENRY N. HIRSCH. - EDWARD HIRSCH. - SAMUEL M. LARZELERE. - - -ALLEN SCOTT & CO., - -IMPORTERS, - -Wholesale and Retail Dealers in - -CARPETINGS, OIL CLOTHS - -_etc. etc. etc._, - -No. 35 - -North Second Street, - -PHILADELPHIA. - -P. E. McKENNA. - - -Established 1844. - - JOS. McALLISTER. - WM. F. CARRIGAN. - -McAllister & Co., - -MANUFACTURERS OF AND DEALERS IN - -FINE WINDOW SHADES, - -PLAIN, FIGURED, OR LETTERED, FOR - -_Dwellings_, _Stores_, _Hotels_, _Churches_, _Factories_, - -ETC. ETC. ETC. - -Nos. 17 and 19 N. Second Street, - -(_Opp. Christ Church_,) - -PHILADELPHIA. - -Patentees and Wholesale Agents for - -THE NOVELTY - -WINDOW SHADE FIXTURE. - -_FINE STORE SHADES A SPECIALTY._ - - -HALE, KILBURN & CO., - -SOLE PROPRIETORS AND MANUFACTURERS OF - -[Illustration] - -The “Champion” Folding Bedstead and Crib. - -The “Everitt” Bedstead. - -The most complete thing of its kind ever invented. Folded, it is a -perfect imitation of a wardrobe; unfolded, a complete bedstead; is -folded with the bed ready to occupy, and requires but a _moment_ to fold -and unfold. - - Made in every - Style, from the - Plainest to the - most elaborate. - -[Illustration: CLOSED.] - -[Illustration: OPENING.] - -[Illustration: OPEN.] - - The best article - of furniture - offered for use - during the Centennial - Year. - -_Prices to suit all classes, running from $33 upwards._ - -HALE’S FLEXIBLE TOP SPRING BED. - -CLEAN, NEAT, NOISELESS, COMFORTABLE, DURABLE, CHEAP. - -[Illustration] - -HALE’S FLEXIBLE SEAT CHAIRS, STOOLS, etc. etc. - -_Superior in every respect to any other wood or cane seat. Give perfect -satisfaction. Send for descriptive circular and price list._ - -ALSO, GENERAL MANUFACTURERS OF - -Walnut Picture and Looking-glass Frames, Mouldings, Pedestals, Music -Stands, etc. etc. - - BRANCH STORE, - _613 Broadway_, - New York. - - SALESROOM, - _48 & 50 N. Sixth St._, - Philadelphia, Pa. - - FACTORIES, - 48 & 50 N. 6th St., - 615-621 Filbert St., Phila. - - -DENNISON & CO. - -Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Chicago, Cincinnati, St. Louis. - - _Dennison’s Patent Shipping Tags. - Cloth, Parchment, and Metal Eyelet Shipping Tags. - Merchandise Tags for Cloths, Clothing, Dry Goods, - Hardware, Fancy Goods, Jewelry, etc. - Gum Labels and Legal Seals, Pin Tickets, - Fancy Tickets, Artificial Flower Labels, - Pattern Cards for Woollens._ - - _Jeweller’s Paper Boxes, - Jeweller’s Cards, Pink and White Cotton, - Fine Twines, Sealing Wax, etc. etc. - Apothecaries’ Powder Papers and Boxes._ - -IMPORTERS OF - - _Fine English Tissue Papers Chamois Skins, - Morocco Ring and Thimble Boxes, - Sealing Wax, Wood Boxes, etc. etc._ - -_Sales Agents for McGill’s Goods._ - - 632 Chestnut St., Philada. - 19 Milk St., Boston. - 202 Broadway, New York. - 150 S. Clark St., Chicago. - 4th & Vine Sts., Cincin. - 110 Pine Street, St. Louis. - - - - -[Illustration: THE DIRECTOR-GENERAL AFTER THE EXHIBITION.] - - - - - Transcriber’s Notes - - - The language of the source document has been retained, including - (deliberate or accidental) inconsistencies and misspellings (e.g. - Livingtone in the Opinions of the Press, CHIL-DLIKE on page 35, ~0007 - on page 37), except as mentioned below. - - Depending on the hard- and software used to read this text and their - settings, not all elements may display as intended. - - - Changes made - - Page headers from the source document have been moved to the start of - the paragraph where they would appear to fit best, and are given there - [between square brackets]. - - Some obvious minor punctuation and typographical errors have been - corrected silently. - - Page 79: Forbes of Boston’s hub changed to Forbes of Boston’s tub. - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OUR SHOW *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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