diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'old/63542-0.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/63542-0.txt | 3058 |
1 files changed, 0 insertions, 3058 deletions
diff --git a/old/63542-0.txt b/old/63542-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 2fbb1a9..0000000 --- a/old/63542-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,3058 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Twentieth Century Epic, by R. B. Garnett - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: The Twentieth Century Epic - -Author: R. B. Garnett - -Release Date: October 24, 2020 [EBook #63542] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC *** - - - - -Produced by Charlene Taylor, David E. Brown, and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - - - - - - -[Illustration: _R. B. Garnett._] - - - - - _The_ TWENTIETH - CENTURY - EPIC - - By R. B. Garnett - - [Illustration] - - THE ROXBURGH PUBLISHING CO., INC. - Boston - - - - - Copyrighted 1914 - - By REUBEN BRODIE GARNETT - - All Rights Reserved - - - - -Dedication - - -To the human race this little book is dedicated, with the hope that it -may bring some cheer, and also teach you a few things that may lessen -your burdens. The subjects that I have put into rhyme are presented as -they come to me from my life of experience. - -My criticisms may appear too severe, but remember that only your truest -friends are allowed to tell you of your faults. - - REUBEN BRODIE GARNETT. - - - - - _The_ TWENTIETH - CENTURY EPIC - - - - -Preface - -By the Author. - - -This poem that I have dignified with the term epic, was written by -inspiration, and is dedicated to the human race. I have used the term -epic with no intention of assuming a dignity not due my production; -but, in the sense that the precepts and warnings contained therein, -have a lofty purpose; and are graphically set forth in the plainest -words in the English language. - -I have not indulged in similes or hyperboles; nor does my epic abound -with those picturesque figures of comparison found in Homer or Virgil, -nor those cadences and swells found in The Paradise Lost, describing -the headlong falls and gigantic flights of those god-like personages -peopling the heavens and earth in the poetic mind; nor does my -inspiration come from muse or divine breath; nor did it descend upon -me from above; on the contrary, it sprang up out of the deep feeling I -have for my kind, especially those in the strained walks of life. - -Our twentieth century shows society in the process of centralizing -itself; and, gradually forcing us into legal socialism. This is -plainly shown in the poem. The process of centralization, for years, -worked slowly in this country. As long as the influence of the founders -of our Republic was potent, liberty was dominant. - -The first step in this process was the inauguration of a general system -of free public schools. The direct result of this free education was to -overcrowd the book and head portion of our population at the expense -of the producing classes, making it harder for the clerk to make a -bare living. The idea of every parent now seems to be that his or her -offspring is especially adapted to the learned professions and to -society. - -This was also the first step towards the diversion of public funds to -private enterprise. The appropriation of public moneys to the extensive -and widening fields of private affairs has progressed rapidly in the -last decade. This, with its evils, is vividly set forth in my poem. -Unless this is checked by united, immediate action, socialism will -increase more rapidly in the future than in the past, is my prophecy. -This results from the fact that the tax-eaters are the ones who -manipulate our bond elections. - -The result is plain, and can be predicted with certainty; the end of -socialism will be the extreme opposite and, that you all know is -anarchy. When everything is so striking that nothing strikes, or in -other words, when there are more laws than we can possibly tolerate, -we’ll naturally rebel and kick them all over; all, as shown in this -epic. The last transition will likely be accomplished by bloodshed and -strife. - -The laws for the management of society in a state of complete legal -socialism will be so numerous and complicated; and the bureaus so -haughty and domineering that freemen will not try to learn them, much -less obey them. In fact, no one can now keep pace with the rapid -production of laws under our incipient socialism. The fight I make is -to break off now and go back to fundamentals, as shown in my poem. - -As against socialism or anarchy I deliberately prefer the latter; but, -as against both of them I prefer a government of limited powers, based -exclusively on natural laws that I have so forcibly defined in this -work; with a complete abandonment of the barbarous idea of punishment -for crimes by criminal courts; the man who commits a crime is to be -pitied and helped to a more sane mode of existence, and not be driven -into perpetual criminality. As to how he shall be handled can be better -settled when we clear ourselves of our false notions on the subject. - -Our legal servants, we call officers, are now deteriorating with great -rapidity, as set forth in this poem under “Names.” My remedy for that -is to cut down the salaries of all officers from President down, so low -that no one will seek office for money. Then have the laws such that -men will be selected and compelled to serve, by public sentiment, for -short terms and take out part of their pay in patriotism and good will. - -My observation, over a number of years, shows that the higher the -salary, the more inefficient the officer. High salaries also give birth -to gangs of politicians who fatten off the public funds and salaries of -their appointees, making graft semi-respectable. - -Honesty in public and private life seems to me to be very desirable; -and, it could be so easily attained, as set forth in my epic. Of -course, under our prevailing system, honesty is out of the question; -and if any of you think that I have not convicted you of dishonesty, -as defined under that topic, please send me your photograph to be used -herein. - -In writing this poem I have no malice in my heart for a single human -being on earth; and, if in any way I have touched upon any of your -pet notions or sacred ideas, and thereby wounded your feelings, I -sincerely ask your forgiveness; with me all truth is sacred. I have no -ill-will against preachers, lawyers, or doctors; I wrote you up to make -you think, and also to let you know you were not fooling me. - -In conclusion, I say to you one and all, as brothers and fellow -citizens, let’s work together to save the greatest country and the -greatest civilization on earth. - - Let truth together bind us, - And supporting it find us. - - REUBEN BRODIE GARNETT. - - June 29, 1913. - - - - -Proem - - - I never shall appeal to any muse of old - To give inspiration to my story when it’s told, - But, in words all my own, shall my theme unfold; - And, for my love of man, I’ll tell you what I can; - Tell you what I know that you may truly scan - What to do and what to know for the good of man; - Tell you where to go, the places you should shun - On every working day, when your labor’s done. - In telling where to go I will not name the place - Where you should show your face, but let each run his race - And, for himself decide the spot to cast his lot. - I’ll point out mistakes to help put on brakes - Against the evils of our day one often makes. - From the Charlatan and all designing wise - Strip his robe of guise and expose him to your eyes. - The fawning sycophant and all his crafty kind - Will be painted so they’ll not be hard to find. - I’ll speak of laws and customs old with hoary age - Taught by rulers, priests, and many an ancient sage - That now are practically extinct with non-usage; - And regulations new that men had little to do - With bribes sometimes when they put them through - Legislative halls and Congress we’d now eschew. - I’ll speak to you about your manners - When you sometimes march with banners; - And even with hosannas sitting meekly in your pew - Revolving schemes against others you intend to do. - The roving politicians all seeking fat positions - To feed their hungry maws and all their kin-in-laws - Come in for their share when we divide the flaws. - Even the society genteel in their swift automobile - Had better beware their piccadillos to conceal. - Religions of every shade by ancients and moderns made - To subdue the gentle folk with all that they have said - This subject will meet its due before I’m through, - As I started out for things about that need review. - Theatres too, with music, painting and art, - Might all feel slighted not to have their part - In the criticism we bring as they my song may sing; - And the pictures my word recalls may be carved on walls - In the coming days as was done with other poet’s lays. - Developments in science where we place reliance - To alleviate the misdirection of our state - Should all be alluded to in the story we relate. - Wars, with all their frightful havoc spread - Where victorious and routed passed over dying and dead, - And peace too that came at last - That o’er the earth its healing blessings amassed - Should have a place when in plates my work is cast; - Also ethics, that practical theme so misunderstood, - Should here be elucidated for the general good; - And a few short digressions would not be out of place - In an Epic dedicated to and written for The Human Race. - But what is said under each head you may read, - So to my task the work shall proceed. - - - - -Admonition - - - Take from your statute laws and books - All legal protection for thieves and crooks; - Your complicated bills of mechanics’ liens - That offer to rogues the ample means - The owners of houses with their demesnes - To make go down humbly into their jeans - For the jingly coin doubly to pay - The working man, and padded expenses defray. - Your unjust schemes of municipal taxation - That cause home owners such great vexation. - Your tax upon mortgages, bills and notes - Upon which the poor man’s title barely floats, - Causing him to pay levies upon his lands - As if they were clear like the rich man’s; - By increasing for him his interest and dues - Which the money sharks collect as they choose. - Your laws against usury one may take - Tend solely the poor man’s back to break. - You drive away the cheap money he might get, - And leave him at the mercy of that lawless set - Who fatten upon unfortunates suddenly thrown in debt. - Nearly all your laws for the collection of dues - Into our commercial life dishonesty infuse. - Your regulations of homestead, exemption and stay - Simply postpone our troubles to another day. - By intricate trials with their writs and pleas; - And copious objections about titles and fees, - Remainders absolute, contingent and entailed, - Upon technicalities numberless justice is impaled; - Your instructions, your errors and appeals, - Until the waiting, anxious litigant feels - That the door of the temple of justice is locked; - And his chance of right is securely blocked. - Your free legal aid and your festive welfare board, - Their matrons and clerks, a mighty hungry hoard, - Impose upon the payers of taxes a weighty load; - All for the purpose of sending over the road - Some unfortunate victim of their own slimy graft - Or some poor devil whom they kick “fore and aft.” - Your Juvenile court of which the kids make sport, - Where curtailed haired women and men hold the fort. - And such institutions the wits of man can devise - Are considered by Progressives as blessings in disguise. - Your tariffs for protection passed in Congress halls - To build all around us mighty Chinese walls, - Are sapping from the people their dear blood of life, - And making for politicians no end of deadly strife. - Your proctor with his aids to fight against divorce; - Who by his pugnacity is seeking to enforce - Unfortunate couples bound in unhappy wedded lock - To parade their troubles upon the public dock; - And to bind the chains anew they seek to dissever, - Holding them fast that he may be deemed clever, - In the estimation of all the Christian Endeavor; - And that class of persons who want now and forever - To meddle in the affairs of all whomsoever - Are not able to disclaim the care they obtain; - Who crowd upon the weak the blessings they do not seek; - All to achieve for themselves a home in the sky - When from their missions on earth they fly. - The Commissioners of Vice are pulling for a slice - Of fame as it goes by investigating those - Who employ many girls simply to keep them in hose - And such other fancy articles that they suppose - Will always make them shine when they go out to dine, - As a girl dressed up haply feels fine. - And now here comes Teddy with his big stick and hat - For damages to his soiled name in legal spat, - With a small newspaper man suing for a big chunk - Because he published that T. R. had been drunk. - To tell the names of men who are shams in our times - Would overload my epic with variegated rhymes: - The one named above is more than a man; - He stands for ideas, a party and a clan - Born of disappointment and just turned loose - Sailing under the banner of the Big Bull Moose. - This clique of theirs all swelling up to burst - Decry all our institutions to be the very worst. - They’d have our laws, judges and courts recalled, - And others to suit them forthwith installed. - They’d regulate the wages men have to pay, - Neglecting to tell the laborer he might be in the way - Unless his work he did should his employers pay; - For unless his production his pay did compensate - He and others would soon be off the slate. - They told us too in tones as loud as they could prate - How all the monied men and trusts they’d regulate, - Carefully hiding the man who was running their slate, - And supplying the funds for them to navigate. - The working man too his dinner pail they’d fill - Forgetting also to tell him to send in his bill. - They’d secure to all the women free right to vote, - So they could say to hubby: “We’ve got your goat.” - And volumes of such ideas upon us did they float - All too numerous in this article to quote. - Drop your silly custom not worn off by growth - That judicial bodies must put a witness to oath, - That all he says and all that he shall quote - Will be the truth and nothing but the truth, - About the matters he relates in his witness booth. - The reasons for this habit have long passed forsooth, - It deceives none on bench or in jury box; - It may occasionally aid some old, designing fox - To some youthful, verdant judge deceive - And, of some just debt himself relieve. - On the whole, it does more harm than good - As at present the thing is generally understood: - For in a contested suit with one who knows - Against a trembly one who partially shows - Some lingering faith in “Old Scare Crows,” - The inclination to lie and deceive in the one - Would surely be by the other simply outdone: - The one might be bound by the fears of hell - While the other swears away his lies to tell. - When the witness swears he’s perjured unawares, - For by his plight he must the whole truth reveal - By the rule he must more than half conceal. - Stop your fight for prohibition and do the fair thing; - Our people to temperance themselves will shortly bring. - Take taxes off whisky, wine, liquor and beer; - And, for the cause of temperance you needn’t have a fear. - Let all your marts and markets freely sell - Every kind of liquor they ever heard tell; - Let every one the stuff make from gulf to lake; - Make the price so cheap that with one leap, - Men will forsake the common thing to keep. - At one cent a drink the bar keeper will think - His saloon will sink and soon put him on the brink - Of finding some other way all his expenses to pay; - So out soon he goes not stopping his doors to close. - There still will be drinking and that keeps you thinking, - That by compulsion you can create a revulsion - In the taste of man heap sooner than you can. - The truth is, you’ve always tried in vain - All these cultivated tastes of man to restrain. - The more you try to force men good habits to acquire, - The more you stir up and increase his raging desire, - To show his freedom against which you conspire. - He’ll go to any extent which you’ll never prevent, - To get his booze on which his mind is bent; - He’ll keep his “blind tigers” and his wooden legs, - Hollowed out and neatly made with faucet of pegs, - His whisky he’ll conceal and feel he’s in the right; - So you’ll not stop him no matter how you fight. - The drunkard will drink no matter what you think, - At any cost no matter if you consider him lost. - Make the price so cheap that for his family’s keep, - He’ll still be ahead to buy his folks their bread. - - - - -A Digression - - - I used to tell my friends what I was going to do, - And right away they’d say, “I wouldn’t if I were you.” - I know of once or twice by taking their advice, - A good deal I lost at a distressing cost. - Take my advice; choose your own course to pursue, - And, when you get your plan, just put it through, - And then tell no other man what you’ve been up to. - Then if you succeed you will never need, - Anybody else to claim part of your deed. - Even if you fail, don’t furl up your sail - Nor put your head under the bottom rail, - But try once more just the same as before. - - - - - [Illustration: _Dorothy_] - -Dorothy - - - Listen to this story about a little girl, - Who came into the world a short time ago. - I remember the day, only a few months or so; - It was in the month of March over a year; - When all trembling with hope and fear, - We did for her watch--all sincere. - At night she came, and without any name, - Because we did not know what her sex would be; - But at her scream, the doctor said “she”; - And, then, we all at once knew what to do; - About naming her the course to pursue. - We left it to her mother, herself a little bride, - This weighty matter of naming all to decide. - We told her all the names we did hear or see, - But she rejected them all and called her Dorothy. - So Dorothy’s my theme her grandmother’s dream, - During all those years when those babes of hers, - Us did come to see, and, now she still avers, - That she watched through the passing years - Looking to see if one of hers a girl might be, - But they were boys, the whole blessed three. - Now Dorothy’s here to fill our home with cheer - By her little, prattling talk and her shambling walk, - By her little tricks she plays in her winning ways, - Pulling off your hat and fumbling your cravat, - Knocking over chairs, trying to go upstairs, - Picking all the flowers for grandpa to smell, - And more other things than tongue or pen can tell. - She’s a little sprite and good for our sight. - But here I must pause and sadly say, - That one evil day a swelling came on her neck, - We thought for sure had come from us to take - The little brat, and all our hearts to break. - But the good doctor came and now she’s the same - As she was before the blasted swelling came. - May I never see the day till my race on earth is run - When any evil at all shall befall this little one. - Many of you have plenty of such chaps, - That jump up and down upon your laps, - Who are just as pretty and just as sweet; - And you walk with them upon the street, - To the market and to the drug store, - Where you buy food stuffs for them galore, - Just the same as I do for mine o’er and o’er. - But still with me a great difference I see, - Between your brats and my Dorothy, - And the reason that you do not with me agree - Is simply because you are you and I am me. - - - - -Divorce - - - Now drop a little tear, but don’t stop here, - Come along now and let’s see if we can agree - Upon another matter while o’er the thing I scatter - Some thoughts I have, not intending myself to flatter. - Divorce is a question about which many disagree; - Some think it’s wrong; some think it’s right maybe. - Now upon it let’s begin our wordy fight and see. - For a beginning I will postulate, simply to open the debate, - That it is not an affair of the state that couples separate, - When they each other fervently hate; - Except where children, a care about whose fate, - On the conscience of the public might grate, - Are brought into court for the judge to state - In his judicial opinion of the case, - What he considers best for the human race. - Then of course if His Honor is wise, he’ll devise - Some plan to make wife and man either realize, - That if they are deaf to the cries of their offspring - The court itself will bring pressure into the thing - They’re about to do, and, before it gets through, - I think that neither me nor you will any suggestion make - Or advice give about what course the law will take. - If when all this is done and the court can’t make them one, - Then it is up to him and all my talk is done. - Some people oppose divorce on account of their views, - Acquired from that book written by ancient Jews. - Some think it a disgrace upon the entire human race, - For any sundered couples to have a place, - On the green earth where they may show their face. - This narrow view is not entertained by you or me, - Because we’ve been along far enough to see - Some of the things from whom some are set free. - Others oppose it on the score of “I told you so! - People oughtn’t marry whom they did not know.” - Some plunge deep into the matter, themselves they flatter, - That they can some great big principles scatter, - Over the very causes while they chatter. - They’d take it in time and let the big state - Issue its own red-sealed certificate, - To all spooning couples longing to mate, - And, at one single throw the entire nuisance abate. - Then these smart ones pucker their mouth, - With their heads tossed north and south, - To see if anybody should really act so shoddy, - As not an acquiescent head to at once noddy. - But the main fight does not come from home, - It thunders from the pope of Rome; - And, there are plenty of folks take his word home. - He says marriage is the sacred thing of life, - And when one takes a wife, regardless of strife, - They cannot be cut apart with a butcher’s knife. - So you may shake this subject up and down, - In country, village and town, and use every noun, - Verb, adverb and pronoun from early morn to sundown, - And the people will no better be made, for all your - Prattle and all you said. - The real causes of the thing are ingrain, - Born in the heart and born in the brain, - Maybe, by any by, before you die, but not I, - Science may teach us to create and the race propagate, - In some other way besides this vexing marriage state. - - - - -Social Evil - - - The next subject allied the last, on to which - I have been trying my train of thoughts to switch, - Is one to which a common word is applied, - That just as well fits many other things beside; - But the meaning of which comes easily when tried; - And seems to pop into your heads with no upheaval, - Is that natural crime called “the social evil.” - Now, I did not make people and neither did you, - But if a certain inspired book be true, - Some one made man for a start, - And then chopped out him a piece near his heart, - And constructed another of a little different sort. - If this be true the “some one” must be divinity - For, ever since, there has been a mysterious affinity, - Between the two kinds in every community. - On this subject we must not too widely roam, - Because it might bring some trouble home, - To some of you married men who every now and then - Feel like jumping out of your own pen. - Legislation and investigation and even humiliation, - Over all creation, in homes of every station, - Among peoples of every tribe and nation, - Have to this offense brought emancipation. - Women have been burned at the stake, - In attempting to make them forsake, - The lives they were leading, the men they were bleeding. - In all your statute books, in corners and nooks, - Laws have been framed against every thing that looks - Towards countenancing any form of prostitution: - Yet with all this and your contribution, - In your vain attempts to revise the constitution - Of woman and man ever since the world began, - You have not yet laid the foundation - For killing this wicked institution. - You have tried segregation into dark streets, - Where your own policemen lose their beats; - You have tried fines in the police courts, - Where they fetch up all the regular sports; - You have even gone yourself among the slums; - And feigned to be treating them as your chums, - Doing your levelest to put them under your thumbs, - And yet this evil does not seem to succumb; - Now what can we do but to stop trying, - And to our several good wives lying - About where we’ve been now and then. - You let this subject alone and stay at home - As much as you can for the good of man. - The more you talk and act wise, - The more you’ll advertise the thing to eyes - That see and ears that hear - When you think no eavesdropper is near. - - - - -Woman Suffrage - - - As my train of thought rumbled over the - Last topic it nearly tumbled; - And, metre, I see, was hard to gee: - But the subject next calling for my attention, - Has me so perplexed that I scarcely can mention - Even the little that I know and the facts show - About woman suffrage more than you already know. - Because I once rode with Phoebe Cousins - And have read suffrage pieces by dozens; - I’ve even heard Susan B. at the time that she - Her speeches did make our customs to break, - And yet, with all of that, little is under my hat, - To enlighten you or tell you where I’m at - Upon this subject great where women of late - Their rights to get are defying the state. - In Old Great Britt’n many of ’em are sitt’n - Starving in jails sooner than lower their sails. - But, considering it all, it looks to me, - That if you make your ballots universally free - To every living man who on top of earth walks - And to every single, solitary woman who talks - You wouldn’t help us much to get us out of the clutch - Of bad laws passed and the evil designing of such - As our liberties would take to--beat the Dutch. - - - - -Honesty - - - If in all your acquaintance, you know an honest man, - Produce him and introduce him to me if you can, - That I may get the likeness of his face - To emboss in gold for a model to the human race; - In my epic I’ll give him a prominent place. - Now, don’t get miffed at me, till my meaning you see - And my definition you fully understand of honesty. - I can find plenty of people anywhere - Who will not lie like a tiger in his lair, - Ready to pounce upon you, your neck to break, - Your horse to steal and your watch to take; - Who will not break into your house at night, - And commit burglary without any light; - Or in your pocket slip his slimy hands - To snake out your money where he stands; - Or who will not murder, rob and plunder - Or steal your child your roof from under; - Or who will not commit any of your crimes - And pay all that they owe, even to dimes - And contracts keep square within the lines; - And yet none of these come up you see, - To my idea of what true honesty must be. - Now an honest man will strictly follow facts - In every thing he thinks, believes, or acts; - When he knows the truth that will guide his way. - Where there are no winding paths for him to stray. - He will not suppress the evidence in a case, - Where some gain may come to him in his race - For gold, ambition, pride, or even grace. - Without uttering a word, the biggest lie ever heard, - May fly out with wings of the fleetest bird, - And in its wake its venom shake over our heads, - Bringing distress and grief its desolation sheds. - By simple look, wink, or nod of the head, - We give assent to whatever is said; - And in that way push falsehood straight ahead. - Nothing at all may be asked, no inquiry made, - Still we should tell about the horse we trade; - If any faults he have, ring bone, spavin joint, - Pole evil, swinny or any other weak point, - We should spit it out right away - And not wait for the other fellow to say. - If a house you have to sell where one must dwell, - Tell about the plumbing and everything as well, - That makes your house unsuited to him you’d sell. - If pastor of some orthodox church you may be; - And find things in the Bible that can’t agree - With reason and sense, don’t get upon your knee - And pray grace to help you see that two equals three. - Speak the truth, lose your job and stay free. - When you go upon the street and a stranger meet - Who seems to know you, don’t be so sweet, - And claim to know his face while you greet. - When dressed up in your only Sunday suit - That some one admires, don’t begin to hoot - That it is only your old every-day suit. - When asked a simple question you cannot answer - Don’t say that you’ve just forgot and be a romancer, - Come out with the truth, say you don’t know. - When inquiry is made as to what church you go, - If you don’t go to any, just say so; - Don’t pretend that you go to different ones - “You know.” - If you’re running a bank and get short on cash - Where to extend accommodation might cause a smash, - Don’t squint your goggled eyes and look wise, - And claim that you’re moving the crop, otherwise, - You’d be too glad to take a loan of that size. - When you are specially invited to play or sing, - And are pining to hear your own piano ring - Don’t say that you’re out of practice here of late, - When you’ve done nothing but practice for that date. - If some one cordially asks you to have a drink, - Don’t tell him that you, yourself, was on the brink - Of inviting him with you in a social glass to link. - When you have old clothes lying on the floor - That you are about to hand over to the poor, - Don’t pretend that you’ve them simply outgrown, - When in the rag-bag they’ve actually been thrown. - When some dear friend implores you for a ten - Don’t pull your coin case where money had been, - As if he didn’t know where your full bill book stayed, - In your hip pocket crammed, the bills nicely laid. - When in your swift automobile you ride, - Don’t ask any one to sit by your side, - Ride by yourself and flatter your pride, - That everybody’s observing how slick you glide. - When you get on your new spring hat and green cravat, - Don’t break your back trying to be so straight, - But let modesty all your demeanor regulate. - Don’t feel so grand, and swagger as you go - Forgetting to whom for those things you owe. - You are dishonest in the way you treat your wife; - You go to clubs and revel in high life; - You smoke, chew and drink to your full, - While she stays at home the baby buggy to pull. - You go outing and have a jolly time; - And, when you start out, you flip her a dime; - When you do hand out a ten her things to buy, - You pull it out slow and heave a deep sigh, - And before you leave you almost make her cry, - Saying so very much about hard times being nigh; - If you ever spend a dollar freely in your life - Let it be the dollar you deliver to your wife. - Sling it out and say, “Money grows on trees!” - If she wants more you’ll dash it to the breeze. - You don’t always tell your wife where you’ve been, - And I don’t advise you to, for I don’t begin - To tell mine all the places where I go - And the reasons for which I’ll never show. - You are dishonest in listing for your tax, - In giving in notes and bonds hid away in cracks; - And the value of your things you put so low - That when th’ assessor’s gone you don’t know - Where you’ll get your next meal, so poor you feel. - When you take your seat on the witness stool, - And swallow that solemn oath under the court rule, - The things that help your case, your lawyer told, - In your memory seem to stay with an iron hold; - But those circumstances that against you militate - Appear entirely faded off your memory plate. - A falsehood acted, spoken, thought or believed - Seems justifiable when the one by it deceived - Had no right to elicit the truth from you, - And with the matter in dispute had nothing to do; - But was merely intermeddling, taking in the view - Of people’s affairs to glut his curious mind - And get into trouble if the same he’d find. - Of all the animals on earth we find anywhere - Man’s the only dishonest one I do declare, - Unless the fox be called dishonest when to lead - The howling pack off his track, he runs at full speed, - And turns around and comes back over the same track - And then quickly darts off somewhere to hide, - While the hounds on the old straight track relied, - And bound ahead beyond where the fox turned back, - Thinking he’s gone on and thus lose the track. - This clever deceit is accomplished so neat, - By the sly little fox who is hard to beat. - You may take the meanest horse any day, - While munching away on his bale of hay, - And he’ll kick, bite, and run all the others away, - Until he gets his belly full, when he leaves - And lets the others eat the rest of the sheaves; - And doesn’t lock them up in a safety deposit box. - When a man’s wants are supplied, he locks - Up from all others the things he cannot use, - If he lived a thousand years his stomach to abuse. - Civilization made us dishonest, nature never did; - Deceit comes from cultivation and we’ll never rid - Ourselves from its blighting evils till we undo - Many of our laws and customs made and passed by you. - Man could be made honest in a very few years, - If he could be held respectable among his peers; - But if one of us should get honest all at once, - We’d be hauled up for being a dunce; - And, an inquisition had to ascertain whether we’re mad. - Our behavior would to others seem so queer, - That they would flee from us in bodily fear. - So we will have to let reformation work slow, - Until the full meaning of my epic you know. - - - - -Jim Saltenstall - -(A Digression.) - - - A certain man, stout and medium tall - Dwelt near us once, named Jim Saltenstall. - The most peculiar thing about this man, - Was not his name nor distended span. - A powerful limb was he of the law, - In which he exercised his massive jaw, - In justice courts if chance he saw, - To display his wit or pick a flaw, - In some contention neighbors hate, - Where he was ready and never too late, - To get a V for his windy prate. - A farm beside, where he did reside, - Claimed his skill and special pride. - He handled stock and rode his nag, - And had many things about which to brag. - In cows and swine his money he stuck - To raise for profit and keep him up. - The clothes he wore hung on him loose, - Except when he did faultlessly spruce - Before his friends and neighbors to strut - In court, to pull his client out of a rut. - He had one pair of extra sized pants, - Made by a cousin or one of his aunts, - Known all around by every girl and boy, - In his vicinity, made of brown corduroy. - This pair loose he’d usually wear - With no chance for the brush to tear. - One sultry afternoon in the middle of June, - A couple of spinsters riding along soon - Discovered on one side of the road - This pair of pants where it was “throwed.” - As they drew up close to the spot - Their nag whirled around in a trot; - The pants were moving and jumping about - These maids their wits scaring half out. - No James was by them seen at all, - But they knew the trousers of Saltenstall, - Who had hid in weeds with none on at all. - This mystery to them riding in the lane, - He never appeared and offered to explain. - Weeks passed by before they laid eye - Upon Saltenstall for whom they did spy, - This vision and its meaning to reveal. - They imagined they heard pigs squeal, - So by ifs and whats and twisting twigs, - They guessed the pants were full of pigs. - This story is true, and the riddle plain: - James found in his pasture near the lane, - That his favorite sow the stork had blessed, - With a litter of pigs, so he was distressed, - To contrive a scheme to take pigs to barn, - And have them housed and shielded from harm. - No sack had he in which to fetch the pigs, - So these pants were used with his rigs. - When on his shoulders his pigs he did load, - In plain view he saw the maids in the road. - They were coming straight ahead in full view, - So off his shoulders the whole thing he threw, - And took to the weeds to get out of view. - These ladies came along, all as we have said, - And found matters as stated under this head. - - - - -Science - - - We do not mean by the title above, - Christian Science, which so many love; - And, against which we have no thought to inveigh, - Because it is accomplishing some good in its day, - By teaching us to see that the power of the mind - Controls our bodies more than others find. - By science, we mean all knowledge gained - From whatever source it may be attained; - By inventions, laws, medicine, therapeutics, - Sociology, geology, astronomy, epizootics, - Geography, orthography, mentality, logics, - Government, devilment, war and fratricide; - And this list might be multiplied if we tried. - But of all those things we cannot make review. - For ages men did not know that the earth was round; - It was supposed to flat, and all the ground - Rested on the back of one man, whose picture is found - Still in old geographies, standing under his load, - With his feet upon the back of some large toad, - Or tortoise; and, that the sun was slipped clean - Back west to east, at night by us unseen, - In the chariot of the Sun-god with his team - Of steeds as swift as if they were run by steam. - These views by them held sacred were impressed - On others who even speculatively guessed, - That there might be error in the sacred book, - Or else those who read failed to look - Deep enough into lines between lines, - Where sometimes most information one finds. - Shaking off their fear, daring men began to peer, - Into the upper air with telescopes, far and near; - Until upon them dawned beyond escape, - By the picture on the moon and its shape, - That, book or no book, the world was a globe. - And, to fully prove it, they toiled and strove, - Till Columbus the Great, did daringly navigate - Far enough to see it and stop the debate. - That one hazardous stroke by this brave man - Struck the shackles from science and began - A new era, in which truth conquers belief, - And consecrated error dies to our relief. - The door now being thrown open wide, men pried, - And delved into nature with rapid stride. - By the light of astronomy as their guide, - It was discovered that those specks that shine - High up in the heavens at the night time - Are suns and worlds that in their orbits move - Around greater centers in distance so high - As not to be seen as when through glass we spy. - That all those moving worlds by one supreme law - Of gravitation yield their obedience in awe. - To the bottom of the sea men dived to find - The wrecks of ages there accumulated by time, - As old ocean waves roll over them its slime. - Into the strata of the rocks marking each age - As time passed written on them page by page, - The history of the earth before the historic age; - Men have dug up fossils for scholar and sage. - With silken thread, they drew lightning from the sky, - And harnessed it up our trade and commerce to ply. - By microscope and tools chemists use, - The varied elements have been made to fuse - Into numerous new substances by man used - In the varied arts to which existence imparts - The glories of the times from which we start. - The doctor, with his scalpel and his knife, - Discovers new means for preserving human life. - The inventor with his machines, human labor to supply, - To the plowman who plods on his weary way; - To the weaver who with his hands from day to day, - His cloth he did weave in the old-fashioned way. - The builder with his bricks of sand and clay - Once made with mud securely encased in hay - His stone, plaster, lumber, hardware and nails, - All made by machinery which little labor entails. - The merchant with his cargo laden in a ship, - Propelled by steam as over the deep they slip. - The baker with his ovens and pans, - Bakes and makes his bread without hands. - All these with telegraph and telephones supplied, - Carrying messages as over wires they slide, - With lightning speed, bringing to each his need, - Shortening time and obliterating space, - As each against the other runs his race, - For gains in the occupations they chase. - The grave lawyer sitting wise at his desk, - Dictating to stenographers things he may suggest, - About cases in court or making a report, - Of some opinion great in matters of weight - About all the business to which they relate - In the matters and things of those who wait - Their troubles to tell and business to state. - The iron horse on tracks of belted steel, - With throttle and valve, and whistle peal - Rolling over the land, propelled by steam, - Crossing mountain, valley and stream, - On tracks, rails and bridges of steel. - The flying machine shot up in mid air - Sailing over continents in feats they dare, - Rivaling the plumed eagle in his flight, - Or those swift birds that pass in a night, - From out their abodes beyond human sight. - The magic needle that points to the pole, - Guiding navigation on oceans untold; - And those brave adventurers seeking the pole, - Where the earth on its axis turns, - To find that for which their ambition burns: - Losing their crew in the cold, wintry snow, - Too weak from hunger, them to follow. - And onward, how far can the genius of man go? - With Edison, the wizard, putting on a show - Of actors, scenes and stage, singing as they go, - Talking and walking, dancing and playing airs - On every instrument that man’s skill prepares - All through a little machine, run by a wheel; - And electric apparatus he did conceal, - From watching eyes his invention might steal. - And, there’s Marconi, flashing across land and sea - His messages of glad tidings without wires on tree, - Or pole, and nothing to guide his machine, - So far as any one has yet seen. - If such men had appeared in the olden day, - Before Columbus had marked out the way, - They surely would have burned at the stake, - For witchcraft and all for conscience’ sake. - Yet with the strides men have made, - With sickle, sword, guns, knife and spade, - With piston, valve, gears, driver and wheel, - Driven by light, electricity, steam and heated steel, - Their thought flying upon the world to reveal - The acts and doings of nature and of man, - From ocean to ocean all over the broad land - And even over the wide extended seas we expand, - With telegraphic cables from land to land, - Bringing all the forces of nature at our command. - With it all, we have made a very little head - Ourselves to control, by designing leaders led. - Those simple rules, by which nature acts, - Might be applied to government its burden to relax, - And take from the shoulders of labor the fearful tax, - To support all the leaches now upon our backs. - - - - -Blew Inn - -(A Digression) - - - A sunny Sunday morning in May, - Aimlessly to woods did I stray. - Companions none, but longing to see - One in like plight, I chanced upon three; - The Masons two, wife and man, and one, - A lad in his teens, made up - A quartet with me to fill joy’s cup. - With lusty minnows in pail to its fill, - We took up rods and pail, reels and line, - And, in our barque sailed forth to find - Some less wary of the finny kind. - In vain did we tempt the fickle fish; - But at noon instead, with a dainty dish, - Of eggs partly spilled and ham and things - Fit for appetites toil and pleasure brings, - We dined and ate to the brim. - Two shy frogs sitting dreamily on logs - Became prey to us as if native bogs. - Fast flew the flushing day away; - A trolley call, and one and all did say; - Shine on old sol another day. - - - - -Courts and Laws - - - Next our courts and laws come in for review, - Not to gain applause, but my course to pursue. - Laws are rules as is taught in schools - To guide civil conduct into the right, - To redress wrongs and make us keep our plight. - Deeds of a certain kind are called crimes; - For the perpetration of which in historic times, - Men have sought to punish their course to stay, - Every one who does them in some kind of way. - By the power of the state men may collate, - All kinds of acts which by law they state - To be offenses for one them to perpetrate. - These acts in themselves, may be for our good - When understood, yet by the statute they would - Be crimes just the same, whether bad or good. - The original idea of punishment probably grew out - Of our natural impulse just to take a bout - With any fellow who ever did us any dirt - To see if him we could not also hurt - A little more, or just as much as to us he did; - Pull his tooth for our tooth, and his eye with the lid, - For our eye he did black simply to pay him back. - In a later day to give reasons for our laws - Which by the wise were sought, we had to pause, - So then we simply said, punish to stop crime. - Now suppose that I could show that in no time, - Did punishment ever even our crimes diminish, - Much less did it ever bring them to a finish. - Your eyes will open wide when I say to you; - The stopping of crimes punishment will never do. - Men will more chances take, your neck to break, - Your goods to steal, and your girls to snake - Off and defile, even if you are wide awake - Against the whole complicated machinery of the law, - Than they would by getting immediately into your claw; - When with weapons good, you certainly would - Make all respect your rights as you them understood. - The plan indicated above could not all at once - Be put into practice, for you’d be a dunce - To turn loose so many who had never had any - Training in the matter we set up as a crime. - The way for you to do is to drop one at a time - Of your statutory crimes punishable by fine, - Mostly passed to give jobs to a certain class - Of human vegetables who stalk about in brass. - That you may cautiously follow up the scale - In all its detail, and you’ll never fail - To accomplish good in giving people their rights - And in keeping them quiet and free from fights. - By the penitentiaries you keep and your jails - Where people sleep with vermin on rails; - Waiting for trial before jury and judge. - Weeks before they are allowed to budge, - Makes them have against you such a grudge; - That when they get loose, as they frequently do - They go at their old tricks with energy anew - To see how dastardly they can act in the crimes they do. - In your hatcheries of crime, the bunch you have to feed - Seems to be increasing with a gradual, steady speed. - The time may come when the gang in the walls, - May outnumber us when at their leader’s calls, - They might break out with a united band, - Overpower us, and devastate the land. - So that whatever you do, make your crimes few; - And those you do define, stand firmly to. - The more laws you have the more it’ll take - To handle all those who their behests break. - “Laws are a necessary evil” was truly said - By a great hero, now sleeping among the dead. - So the less of this evil upon ourselves we fix - The more good we can with our liberty mix. - Those progressives of you who make such ado - About our laws, and the courts in which you sue, - Want to fill our statutes all the way through - With every law and sumptuary regulation, - On every subject in the whole creation, - That, in their wrought up imagination, - They can conceive of to make litigation; - (Telling us that they comprehend the situation) - They’d put on the books without investigation. - You’d like to snake all this through, - Thinking that nobody is watching you; - But you had better try and hold yourself back; - We are watching you, and I am now on your track. - Now the courts are made the laws to enforce; - It is their job, and you and I of course, - Cannot dictate to them what laws to enforce. - To criticise the courts as the newspapers do - Might put us in contempt, the same as you - In some cases where you had to keep out of view; - Or run a lively race to keep yourself out of jail - By hanging on to some big lawyer’s coat-tail. - About your courts I will simply suggest - That whatever might be done I deem it best - Of the things we might do, get judges true, - Learned and wise, and who do not know you - Nor me, nor any of the folks that sue - Their cases in court before them; - The opinions they write with type or pen - Will be free from the bias of men then. - They will consider the laws, sort out the flaws - In each case, and every litigated cause; - So that the judgment they shall render - Making you your supposed rights surrender - Will be honest, no matter what we tender; - Although you practically sink by their blunder - Until in amazement you begin to wonder - Whether your lawyer really did plunder - Through all the books to get you from under - The load that is imposed when your case is closed - In the court of the judge you supposed - Had sense enough not to be bulldozed. - - - - -A Fable--Two Frogs - - - Two little frogs their legs began to turn, - Haply leaped and jumped into a churn. - The churn was filled about half full - Of milk from which we our butter pull. - One frog to his mate did say:-- - “We’re here to stay and can’t get away. - Now you may paddle and your head addle, - But I’ll bebobdaddle if I’ll saddle - On myself the task to get out of the flask, - I’m going to die, and no use to cry, - So good-bye,” and down he went dead. - The other made no reply, but paddled ahead - And paid no heed to what the first had said. - By and by a big chunk of butter came - And, upon the same froggie rode - Feeling the load off his mind throw’d. - In a short time there came a grunting swine - Walking slowly up out of his grime, - And shaking off his slime, rooted the churn over, - Letting little froggie jump in clover. - - - - -Socialism - - - Nearly all of the animals go in herds, - Fishes, mammals, bees, ants, and even birds. - The snakes are not so socially inclined; - They had rather with none combined, - Slip cautiously alone and snap from behind. - Man has always a social animal been, - To get his food and commit his sin. - He has always stood for organizations, - Municipalities, states and corporations, - Made to protect him against depredations. - Whenever new thoughts take form in his head, - He is sure to try to have others into them led, - By his talks and whatever by him is said. - Man has made laws and written them down, - Telling the good people all not frown; - That by their consent these laws are made: - “The consent of the governed,” - Is exactly what they said. - That is true as the law-makers by your vote, - Are elected your welfare to promote. - Laws are rules laid down for our control, - Pointing out paths where we may not stroll, - Marking the lines in which our rights are defined, - Commanding and forbidding the multifarious kind - Of the things we must do or leave behind. - Some laws are on natural justice based; - That might be speculatively traced - To the dealings of man in his beginning; - Starting out in the races he was winning - Over his ancestors, those animals called “low,” - He might have come upon one not so slow; - Who singly could not be brought down with a blow; - So with his likes he combined the swift one to get - For their food, and their appetites to whet. - Now when this animal combined they took, - The question was up, and not a law book, - By which to decide who should take the hide; - And into what and how many parts the rest to divide: - So they naturally counted the number of their gang, - While this juicy meat did before them hang; - And number parts equal to the number of them - Was equally cut off the beast from stern to stem: - The meat thus divided the hide could not - Be usefully carved up, so they gambled for it by lot: - In the hand of each a pebble to throw at a spot, - They took to try who closest to the mark got; - And the one it who did the nearest hit, - Took away the hide for his skill and grit. - The idea of justice thus received - Is about as good as has ever been achieved, - By reading all the books in every case - Where the law is defined for the human race. - Life might be likened to a game of chance - And the laws, the rules by which we advance - Our men upon the board or throw the lance: - When people together their business transact, - Follow the rules, and courts will solve the contract. - When our forefathers made this Republic of ours, - They established a constitution limiting the powers, - That the government itself could exercise - The best to preserve our liberty they could devise. - Even before this fundamental law they did make, - Which of necessity did part of our liberty take, - They prefaced all our laws for me and you - With certain inalienable rights kept in view: - “That all men were created equal,” they knew; - “That life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” - Were set out in plain view, our land to bless. - Now every law since that date passed by the state, - To that extent our liberties infringe, even though we scringe; - And feel the distress, without redress, - Of many iniquitous acts, even by Congress. - If men were actually well-behaved, - Much useless trouble and expense could be saved: - Laws being hobbies our liberties to restrain; - Some barely holding us, even with tight rein. - The socialist man, if I do not mistake, - Would all restraint from our law makers take, - So that the state might feed and regulate - All the peoples who come within its gate, - And all others’ properties appropriate, - To the general good as by them understood. - The titles to your lands and everything good - That on them stands, they would concentrate - Into public hands whom they would nominate. - The labor and the work, the leaders would shirk, - Would be done by some one or his clerk. - So that we all would have a good time, - In our day, should we adopt their line. - “Every man has a right to work and eat”; - And such clap trap of verbiage we meet, - On every hand as we go over our land. - They jabber, but their sense I can’t see. - How can this come in the land of the free? - They produce arguments hoary with age, - Used by many a high-class sage, - That the ownership of property--especially land, - Never had a foundation on which it could stand. - That the whole idea was a fiction once, - And not to see it now one is a dunce. - That all your vested rights on paper, - Are unsound, no matter what caper - Folks may cut their supposed rights to hold, - With all their power and hoarded gold. - If they can unite the working man on their side, - They hope into power to gloriously slide. - The men who labor with their hands have all - United into bands. - Feeling that the little work there is to do - Must pay the most to the ones who pursue - Trades of all kinds and of every hue. - That the work for men to do with hands - Is constant, regardless of supply and demands; - Never once observing that the cost - Of production many jobs them have lost. - So even if they do get more out of that they do; - The valuable time lost in the trades they pursue, - Will more than compensate for th’ advanced rate - They obtain from the fewer jobs that remain. - Why it does not occur to them while they dream - What a big world this is with all its demesne, - Is a matter beyond explanation by what I ween. - That work is not confined on this big earth, - But spreads out to give us all a wide berth. - Against trusts and monied corporations, - Men in their stations might form associations - Their rights to demand and their wrongs to reduce, - But against th’ individual there is no excuse, - Why unions upon him should heap their abuse. - If one build a house to cover up his head, - Why should union labor try to kill him dead, - By making the cost so high that none can buy, - Houses building now far and nigh. - But all these perplexing questions are upon us; - And the merits and demerits we must discuss, - If practical socialism must come, - We must face it, each and every one. - By the brotherhood of man, maybe we can - Find a way to harmonize every tribe and clan - And save this civilization for the good of man. - - - - -The Public - - - My subject here is simply a term to express - “A somewhat,” the nature of which is a guess. - Of the substance contained in the above term, - It seems almost impossible for one to learn, - No image of it in his mind can he conceive, - Reflects the intelligence he’d wish to receive. - What the public looks like or is, - Is more than you can tell or wis. - According to some it’s “ideas in th’ abstract.” - So let us take that for the real fact. - The public does not seem to be you or I - Or anybody else--I’ll tell you why; - Whoever or whatever the thing may be, - He, she, or it shoulders blame for you and me, - For wickedness done in his dear name, - And credit for intended good, the same, - In very many cases that men declaim. - If a bunch of grafters wish to float a deal, - Say in baking powder, wheat, or oat meal; - First the public pulse they scientifically feel, - To discover signs of fever germs in foods, - We’ve been eating, and such other goods - Of the same kinds we’ve bought all our lives, - And from which others are supporting wives, - And children as they’ve done all their lives. - Of course their doctor this pulse carefully felt, - And discovered that germ tracks were smelt - In most of the stuff we put in our pelt. - He discovered too that alum would - Dry up the diaphragm if used in food. - Also that certain foods contained sand, - That might get into the public craw, and - Brace them up too much to patriotically vote - For such a pure food law as they’d like to float. - So after their analysis was properly wrote, - They get their pure food law nicely framed up - To suit their scheme and for the people to gulp. - Then their bugle horns they did blare, - And it carried before we were aware. - - - - -Physicians - - - In olden times, doctors and barbers were the same, - As we find in books from which we always gain - Information on all such historic matter. - As bleeding was the thing then to batter - Out diseases the striped pole must be - An emblematic relic of the blood running free - Down and around our hip, thigh and knee. - But the two trades have been now long separated; - And while neither should be underestimated - And both receive their due from me and you, - The barbers’ trade is not really and truly due - As much criticism as is the medicine crew. - There are plenty of fine physicians and surgeons, - Who receive their praise from us in legions; - But the “money-rosis” has struck the doctors - As other trades, including divorce proctors. - I well remember in the days long past, - Pulse felt, and a look at the color the tongue cast, - When the doctor was done, and no more was asked. - He said it was simply chills and fever he did believe, - Which a good dose of calomel or blue mass would relieve, - All of which the patient did then and there receive. - You might have had a slight pain in your head, - And you were advised to lie still in bed. - Now call a doctor your wife to see, - And while you sent for only one to fee, - Two or three more and sometimes a score, - To handle the different parts of the sore, - Come in and watch around your door; - Especially if you’ve got money, and get more. - If you fall and bruise your knee or elbow - A specialist must come to whom they show - Some of the dirt from the place around, - To ascertain if any microbes are found. - If a cough or cold comes in your head, - A sample or two of the sputum that you shed, - Is sealed up and sent away to be analyzed. - They always find ’em, so don’t be surprised. - And if plenty of money you can get - To pay all this cost and never sweat, - When your bills at home are all paid, - You’ll be then sent off on dress parade. - Doctors never come now and find you well; - Your ailments have names you cannot spell. - And when you ask what you’re about to take - The awful malady you have to try to shake - To pronounce its name your jawbone’ll break. - As simple a dose as soda and rain water - At the drug store will cost you a quarter. - All diseases now come straight from bacilli - Seen through those microscopes they buy. - Let these germs once your systems fill - You just as well not make your will, - It’ll take the farm to pay your doctor bill, - All diseases have now become contagious. - And their catching qualities outrageous. - When you walk do not spit on the street, - Lest your saliva infect those you meet. - No trains are allowed to have a drinking cup - In which others drink, lest you swallow up - The other fellow’s germs sticking to the glass - Of the family of microbes in the tubercular class. - No comb or brush is found to smooth your hair, - They’re prohibited and blacklisted everywhere. - All your water must be thoroughly boiled - And its palatable flavor entirely spoiled, - To slay the ferocious germs in it coiled. - And even the milk from your fat Jersey cow - Should be pasteurized as never before till now. - We might run down the whole category - Till you were tired, and I get hoary, - But these very things are the doctor’s glory. - Of course they are trying to lengthen life’s span, - And I’m not going to censure them if I can, - Only caution them to be easy as they can. - They don’t catch me often, my father was a physician, - And before he died, he made it his mission - To post me and make me wise on this score. - I have sometimes felt peevish and sore - Because father was too honest to lay up a store - For me to spend when I life began; - My father was above all an honest man. - Once my wife took pneumonic cough - And we for a doctor sent right off. - He came and found genuine bacilli. - Scared me, and made the wife almost cry. - They analyzed, criticised and diagnosed - And sent her away, with my house closed; - And for nights I scarcely dozed. - They gave her just six months of life - Before consumption would part me and my wife. - My plucky woman partly believed what they said, - And moped around a while and stayed in bed. - I had some doubts about what the specialists said, - And relied a little on what an old friend read, - Who had much practical experience, she said. - Of course my doubts about science I hate to tell, - But in a few weeks the wife was entirely well. - If the doctor wants to, let him tell - Why into the aforesaid mistake he fell. - Now you had all better beware and treat us fair, - If you have doubts about what our troubles are - Just do your best, and let nature do the rest. - - - - -Theologians - - - For the preacher’s trade one should have a call, - As has been said concerning the apostle Paul; - Who with power armed with writs to haul - Before magistrates Christians one and all, - And lodge them in jails subject to call - To be prosecuted in the name of the state - For sayings of Christ they did relate. - “Why persecutest thou me?” the Master said; - Then Saul, afterwards Paul, fell as one dead. - When he came to be had a call to preach, - So he went forth all nations to teach. - Not many of you preachers ever had a call, - Nor down as dead did any of you ever fall. - Most of you took to preaching to have something to do, - Although the picking is getting short for some of you, - If the newspaper accounts I’m reading be true. - When the lawyer’s job in the country gets short, - He adds insurance, abstracts, and things of that sort; - But when the preacher’s picking isn’t very good - He’d have ice-cream suppers whenever he could; - Or even quiltings and sewing society aid, - Eked out with dinners and sale of lemonade. - I notice now you’re going to take course - In farming to teach the brethren of the rural force; - But I’m afraid that if you begin shoot’n off your head - To some of those old rustics to help earn your bread, - You might get a set’n back worse than Old Ned, - Or even than Saul got when he fell as dead. - Farmers have ideas of their own they’ve tried; - And wouldn’t listen to the pastor or turn aside, - For his book learning he had himself supplied - While off at college that had never been tried. - You might do better holding to the plow, - While your brother farmer was milking his cow, - Feeding his stock and chopping his wood, - And in that way would do him more good. - But the best way for all is to wait for this call. - And don’t be in a hurry to be preachers at all. - If you wait a real call to actually hear, - You’ll be working soon and will not have to fear, - Without any other call than nature gives - To every animal that on earth now lives; - To be up and doing his fellow man to bless, - Which while doing you’ll keep from distress. - - - - -Lawyers - - - To attorneys, advocates, and counsellors all, - I’m not afraid to speak to you about your call; - Not afraid to give advice, I’m one of you, - You may heed, or I don’t care what you do. - You give advice and charge for the same; - Mine I freely give, and you get the gain. - When you get free what to others you sell, - You’ve something to brag about and tell. - I like you, you bunch of jolly good fellows, - Though you sometimes lunch like Col. Sellers. - And your Sunday suit gets so slick, - That a fly cannot walk on it and stick. - You too are letting people into your trade. - Deeds and legal papers are so easily made, - By real estate agents filling out blanks - Those you write are paid for in thanks. - You sit in your office with high-propped feet, - Longing for a friend to invite you out to eat, - Or waiting for a client to bring around a fee. - Sometimes you read or skip around in glee, - To make the impression that your mind is free; - And that you have plenty of work to do; - And never for a moment take a solemn view - Of how fast business is flying away from you. - Some of you are learning on a motor cycle to ride, - So when an accident occurs you are by the side - Of the injured one to get a damage suit - Against the company whose coffers you’d loot. - Some of you join the gang and get in politics, - To get some legal job they may help you fix. - One of you stirs up strife against divorce, - And gets to be proctor on the welfare force, - And gets a small salary as a matter of course. - Some get to be orators public affairs to discuss. - And get the press over you to make a fuss; - In that way you advertise your brains good - To swing a big case and get a livelihood. - Some join with unions to fight against the trusts, - Others against the unions sling their deadly thrusts. - Thus in battle array, some right and some wrong, - We manage in some way to push ourselves along. - The race of the old-time lawyers is nearly extinct - To whose memory my fond thoughts are linked. - I know a few whose names I’ll not give to you - Owing to my plan I intend to follow through, - Not to give names unless to represent a crew. - You know some yourself not in the law for pelf; - I’m one myself if into my record you care to look, - If I hadn’t been I need not have written a book - To make a little stake to put away for a rainy day. - Lawyers are not dishonest, no matter what you say, - Except when they serve you to get their pay. - They have to be deceiving to keep up with you: - You will not take your case you wish to sue - To some attorney who could not stand for you. - You know the attorney stands in your place, - And to an honest one you dare not show your face. - I’ve known lawyers who courted the name of crook, - Merely to catch grafters on their own hook. - You know well when you are sued that you choose - An attorney who will by any ruse, you excuse - To the jury who tried your case for the deeds, - You did, and you know you did not get your meeds. - So shut up your mouth and hie yourself home; - The subject of judges and lawyers leave alone. - Lawyers have always been pillars of the state - To uphold our institutions you’d annihilate. - Their trade is not alone on paper made; - It comes from growth by development’s aid. - It’s the garnered experience of all the ages, - Written in books upon numberless pages. - It has stood when empires fell, - When to the despots they did loudly tell - Of justice upon him the law’d compel; - It has stood against strife, slaughter and blood, - When other trades and institutions never could; - It rises in the right, iniquity to fight, - To protect the weak against men of might, - Over widows and orphans its protecting arm - Is extended to save the mortgaged farm; - It shields the criminal against the crazy mob - Giving him a trial of which they’d him rob. - For peace and order and justice in the land - Let us ever as true lawyers stand. - - - - -Names - - - By the use of names we designate - Some particular thing, person or state. - The naming of animals in the first place, - Was put upon Adam as father of the race. - This job imposed upon him no great task, - Because no one’s permission he had to ask, - Whether the name suited mule or cow, - Or the name horse he might to kid allow. - Now the names of animals who came - Before him in a long-extended train, - They had to take those which for them he did book - Because they did not have a list over which to look. - All proper names men can find, - Have been so often used by men of their kind, - That when a child is about to be born, - Into the world, the name it shall adorn - Has to be taken from the long list - Of those gone before, or who still persist. - Although we have quite a long catalogue, - We still have to search and our memory jog - To ascertain the character of the ones - Who bore the name about to be given to our sons; - Because any name may have been soiled - By its owner around whom might be coiled - The evidence of some offense the name to suffuse - Before the time we it did choose. - The likes and dislikes for names we take, - Come mostly from the character of the namesake. - A lot of names might be brought to view: - Like Jennie, Sallie, Mollie, Kate and Sue; - Or Perkins, Phelps, Pickering, and Penn, - And a whole book full of names for women and men. - The others need not here be enrolled, - In this little volume, or by me polled. - The things that did once make names great - Generally were acts done for the state, - Mostly in war, e. g., Alexander the Great, - Or Caesar, or even Napoleon the Sedate. - Sometimes names receive much eclat - At home, as well as near and far, - Like Washington, or our Jefferson, - And also Cleveland and Lincoln, - By statesmanship with head and brain - For the public good when peace did reign. - There used to be a time, now almost past, - When patriotism was then in full blast, - That men would sometimes almost actually do things - With no other pay than the consolation it brings, - Simply to be esteemed just, good and true, - With no other motive than to bless me and you. - But now of late men look upon the state - Simply as a fat goose for them down, - As o’er them her wings may spread around, - To hover and her blessings bring down. - The offices men fill to uphold the law, - Or collect our revenues to fat their maw - Are held mostly by ones we did not choose, - Who with politicians by some sharp ruse - Got nominated and elected against our views; - And when elected frame up bills - For legislation that their own pocket fills, - Regardless of the trouble and all the ills, - That fall upon the public that foots the bills. - New bureaus are made about everything - To which a gang of leaches can cling; - With their matrons, clerks and superintendents, - All hangers-on and their bunch of dependents, - Disgracing all over our broad land, - On every hand, the very name of man: - I fear that our present civilization cannot stand, - To live down the iniquity by them thus began. - The euphonious name of Guggenheimer, - Sipniski, Schradski, or even Joe Reimer, - Now is fine if their amounts in bank, - Stood their drafts and never shrank - Below the balance they had on hand - With the banks throughout the land. - A good name is appraised above riches, - But to keep that good to which one hitches, - When anyone can claim any name he likes - And ruin it forever, when off he hikes - To Canada or Old Mexico to get away - From the crimes he did in his day; - Making the name disgraceful he wears, - And none of the same name spares - From sharing the shame brought on the name, - To us, innocent and free from blame, - Except for the acts he did against our name. - Ambition leads us to attempt undying fame, - That after we are dead and in our grave - Our name shall live that we did engrave - Among the world’s heroes on every page - Of history that dies not with old age. - But everything to make us famous or great - Has been by someone, somewhere in every state - Of civilization accomplished and achieved, - So no chance is left for us, though grieved. - So let us not try to make our names great; - But instead, unite to rescue our own state, - From the clutches of the vultures at its heart; - And if we succeed at that, when we depart, - Those left behind will bear us in mind, - And write our names in the highest place they find. - - - - -Universal Peace - - - In all the past the records are full of war; - Men had one desire to be in a continual jar; - Or else the peaceful victories they did win - Were not such as they wrote therein. - Each nation, tribe, and men of ancient race - For each other had nothing but hatred and menace. - Upon the boundaries and rights of each, - The other did recklessly go to reach, - With rapine and murder in their hearts, - To snatch from each other all such parts - Of their lands, and their goods to confiscate, - As could be done by the hordes they did aggregate. - Their warriors and men to subjugate, - Their women and fair maids to subject - To brutality, and any other object - As they chose upon them to impose. - There were only two kinds in those times - Of peoples on earth, those in their own confines, - And barbarians who dwelt anywhere else, - Regardless of who they were, Goths, Huns or Celts. - No tie of sympathy was known or recognized, - Between those different tribes; - Each for the other was lawful prize. - Robbery, theft, and murder were terms, - Applied to deeds committed at home; - These same acts out where they did roam, - Were designated bravery and prowess, - When upon barbarians they did egress, - With battle-axe, darts, helmet and shield, - Bent on the slaughter of their fellow man; - For conquest and glory, they led the van; - Over mountains filled with perpetual snow, - Into heated valleys where the sun did glow; - They fought for pride, religion and show; - As upon crowned heads they wore - Laurels of victory for blood and gore. - But now has dawned a better day; - From ocean to ocean where men survey - Their lands and the boundaries fix - Where rights of each the line restricts; - And treaties with one nation is made - With others to settle their commerce and trade. - They bring across oceans in merchant marine, - Luxuries of life now by us all seen, - Grown and shipped from the uttermost lands, - Divided from us by seas, deserts and sands. - Those natural laws we are learning to use, - Based upon justice according to the views - Of publicists and statesmen applied - To nations dealing with nations the world wide. - Now the crude implements of death once used - By ancients, are thrown aside and refused. - In place of triremes propelled by oars, - Steel-clad battleships ride by scores, - Manned with guns throwing missiles miles; - Around our coasts and adjacent isles; - Our barricades and our battlements, - Our field glasses and our armaments; - Our powder in guns and in mines, - With deadly explosives of all kinds, - Making killing a thing of skill - Upon the thousands our inventions kill, - All are bringing war to a standstill. - No longer do we hand to hand in war engage; - Foes rushing foes with eyes in a rage; - Instead, the scientific gunner his aim to gauge, - Miles away, his gun adjusting to suit, - Deals death to thousands, wherever he may shoot; - With no malice in his heart, by electric touch, - Some mine is exploded, killing and destroying as much - In a single blow, as was done in a day the old way; - And in all the soldiers are out of the fray. - Why should we slaughter and fellow men slay, - In this unimpassioned, calculating, scientific way? - If such things, done by the whole nation, - Were done by one, it’d be murder in our estimation. - Inventions and knowledge lead towards peace; - And the frequency of war decrease; - The more we know of our fellowman. - The less we like to cut off his span. - So let the dove of peace hover over the globe, - And in humanity’s cause we ourselves enrobe; - Till from war and all its sickening pall, - We advance, and universal peace install; - And we may, unless we get up a protocol, - Over which we may fight to see who is right, - In the interpretation thereof withal. - - - - -Music - - - About the subject of music what can I say? - That mystical combination we sing and play? - The origin of which none seem to know; - For as far back into the past as we can go, - From the time that Circe and her maids, - In their lonely isle of forests and glades, - Their magic spells, in song, upon the sailor wrought, - With all his crew, to their abode they brought, - To change them to swine from the forms of men; - Until wise Ulysses, by some godlike ken, - Undid the deed done his men confined in a pen; - Or when Orpheus with his lyre in his hand, - Held his sway through th’ enchanted land. - So ’twould be a waste of valuable time, - The history and origin of music to put into rhyme. - It seems that it has long over us held sway; - Back from the long ago to the present day. - But in all times before this day of ours, - When men have harnessed th’ unseen powers: - It did take the skill of finger tips - Or the trill of throat and puckered lips, - To wake from vibrations thereby made, - The thrilling chant and sweet serenade. - But now with pricking pins of steel, - Those same vibrations come from turn of wheel, - When in dents lightly made on a disc, - Which around and around we playfully whisk; - The pin points strike in and then out, - As the thing is whirled about; - And, by magnifying the scratching it makes - The picture of the whole sound action it takes; - And reproduces the vibrations on our ear, - Of an opera or any piece we wish to hear. - By the numerous machines by inventors made, - The sweet music once by human skill played, - Has passed into commerce of daily trade. - For a few dollars one can buy, - A music maker if he will but try. - Although the music thus made is not the real thing; - Yet instruments are designed that give it the ring. - True music that really stirs the hearts of men - That comes from the masters with the pen, - Must be by human skill played, - As ever behind its dress parade, - Stands the soul of the master, flowing with the sound, - As it comes to our ears in tones profound, - Or tintinnabulations of drum or fife, - Calling us to war and its deadly strife; - Or those mysterious strains of the violin, - In the hands of the artist held in, - By his neck, hands, shoulders and chin - So none can tell where he stops for fiddle to begin; - Both moving together in such perfect time - As we sit in rapture, listening to the chime. - Will ever the sense of music in man, - Having remained since history began, - Be obliterated in time to come; - And his taste for sounds become numb, - By the strain on him these machines make, - Hounding him by their grating sleep or wake, - By the screeching buzzes they make; - With our songs all ground up into rag, - Even the stirring ones of the glorious flag, - And those sedate hymns sang in church - Which ragtime has sought to besmirch. - But of all of this let us not complain, - Even if we lose our desire for the grand refrain; - Maybe some time the genius of the great, - Will some better sense create, - For its loss fully to compensate. - - - - -Painting and Art - - - When I think over the subject of painting and art - Nothing occurs new that to you I can impart - Which might bring reformation in the way - These subjects could be treated in our day. - The men of ancient times, with keen vision, - Bent over canvas and marble with a precision - Not equalled or surpassed, marking lines of light - And shades, bringing life and nature into full sight, - Throwing upon cloth the earth and beclouded sky. - With its valleys green and mountains high, - Divided into parts with ever-widening and winding streams, - Their shores lined with foliage green and rocks in seams; - And scraggy trees, as through them the moonbeams - Throw their mild and mellow light in shimmering sheen; - And fading lines of landscape merging into sky, - With its diversified colors upon our watching eye; - And from the dead, cold marble stand out - The forms of women and men showing their features and clout, - Bringing out every expression of muscle and face, - Revealing the thoughts and passions in lines they trace - Of all the joys of life and the agonizing look, - Even to portraying the dying groan one undertook. - To show up nature is the whole object of art; - To make the scenes natural and life impart. - Now our skill in inventions throwing light, - We absolutely copy nature and bring it out right. - Men with their skill and labor bringing out a view, - With tinsel and touch to give it the correct hue, - Cannot come up to daguerreotype or kodak - In throwing out the front or showing up the back. - Thus onward our wheels of progress are rolling, - Crushing out the heart of Genius strolling - Over lands vying, with his puny hands, - With forces of nature invention commands. - We should pause sometimes in our rapid flight, - Long enough to reflect on the dangers that might - Wreck our civilization; children would their lives destroy - Were they allowed to handle guns as a toy; - So with man in his audacious daring - Handling these forces recklessly, caring - Little for those who are smashed beneath their grinding, - As the end to the glories of art they are finding. - - - - -My Fiddle - - - When my years numbered less than ten, - I stayed with an uncle and aunt now and then, - Who lived a few miles from our own door. - Now when I think of those days of yore, - When I lingered around the cabin door, - In rapture listening to the violin, - Held under our old black man’s chin; - And its melody did my young heart win, - Recollection goes back to my violin. - This old fiddle came to me in a trade, - That I with our work-hand made; - And I learned to play for the serenade. - I rosined my bow and handled it too, - And loved this fiddle the whole day through. - I played it nights before I went to sleep; - Rolled it in flannel its tone to keep; - Put it in the box which I did make; - And took it out mornings soon as I’d wake. - My aunt, who lived at the house where I went, - With whom I stayed and many hours spent - Was of the old school in the ideas she had; - The most things I thought good she deemed bad. - A deck of cards would have made her collapse; - And for amusements now offered chaps, - They’d been abomination in her very sight; - The fiddle she thought her soul would blight. - And even the box it was carried in, - Was contaminated with the ghost of the violin. - This vile thing was played for the dance, - And that made it the horror of my aunt’s. - Of all this I was then in ignorant bliss. - So feeling good, I did not want to miss - The chance to show my aunt how I did play - On my fine instrument with much display. - So carefully boxing it up, I took it to stay - At the home of my aunt, to whom I’d show - My performance with the fiddle and bow. - When I arrived she greeted me before she did see, - What was under the seat in the buggy with me. - When I pulled it out I plainly saw - A cloud come over her as she stood in awe. - She did not at that time speak her full mind - But in memory lingering now I find - She said to herself something or other - To the effect that my father and mother, - Who were her sister, and in law her brother, - Didn’t have the same care for their child, - As she did for hers, or else how could they defile - A little boy like me with such a tool of evil - Specially devoted to sin and the service of the devil. - I took my poor fiddle and lugged it to my room, - Where I did not string it up so very soon. - But on one rainy day I took it out to play - Strains of old hymns that in my memory lay. - The thunder’s crash and the lightning’s play - Could not from my aunt keep away - The penetrating sound my violin bore, - Only a moment and she was at my door. - I saw in horror my aunt stand before, - With uplifted hands as her eyes bore, - Riveting me in silence to the floor. - The anger, pity, grief, fear and pain - In her face made upon me its lasting stain. - In words not spoken as much as shrieked, - She revealed why her face was streaked - With the lines I saw when she appeared: - “Put that horrid thing away,” she whispered; - “Put it in the back closet and lock the door.” - She insisted: “Hide it quick, I implore; - The Lord in his wrath will blow the house o’er! - Don’t you know better than to tempt God in that way, - While the lightning and thunder His power display?” - I admit that I did not know, but in my heart, - Then tender in years, was lodged a dart - It took years to remove; even now when I start - Upon my new violin some music to play - I wonder sometimes if in some mysterious way - There is not lurking in it some demon still, - Its tones and notes sound so awfully shrill. - I would not for a single moment profane - The memory of my dear aunt I still retain, - Nor at her sincere beliefs cast one single slur. - I write here what did actually occur. - A coolness between me and the fiddle I love - Sprang up from the incident related above, - That lasted all the days of my youth - When I might have learned the violin in truth; - That instrument none can ever master, - Who does not cling to it in every disaster. - - - - -Scientific Ethics - - - Having now had with you our several quarrels - We advance our lance to the subject of morals. - Ethics is a theme from which I can glean - Some substantial hopes for a better day; - When, with our prejudices all put away, - We shall all learn to act and think the things, - Which keep in view the good life to us brings. - While this subject is as plain as a b c - The same for some reason you fail to see. - Morals are the manners and customs one adopts - For himself in private life, while he hops, - Or walks and talks with his fellow men. - Good morals are good habits and bad, bad. - Habits are easily made, and when once had, - They are hard to break for anybody’s sake. - The “stream of thought” seems the road to take, - Where it once had run anywhere under the sun. - Morals are the acts of which life is composed - That we have upon ourselves imposed. - This definition was made by Immanuel Kant, - But as it is self evident, he needn’t want, - All the credit to claim if I use the same. - Laws cause you do as others compel you; - Ethics cause you to do what you like to. - There are only two things that push us along. - Think about it till you rack your brains, - And you’ll find them always pleasures and pains. - Some even take pleasure in their sorrow and grief; - And you’d not be thanked for offering a relief; - Nor for producing a balm to heal their wounds, - From which they suffered, regardless of their grounds. - Men, of their humility have been so proud; - That lugubriously, they’d stand up in any crowd; - Or with their heads bowed and on bended knees, - With the pride of their humbleness you they’d freeze. - The pleasures we desire and the pains we shun, - Were our only motives since the world begun. - Now keep this in mind as its use you’ll find, - As we treat of ethics and its motives behind. - “Self-imposed precepts” are not the moral code, - Prevalent in places where men their guns load, - To meet a fellow man in the public road, - To try out the question with bullets of lead, - On the field of honor, till one or both are dead; - Nor is it the legal code enacted by man, - Making rules against things under ban. - Morals deal with acts men actually intend, - Those motions adapted to some end. - “The wild gesticulations of a lunatic,” - Or of a crazy man who automatically throws a brick, - Bear no relation to the discussion of ethics. - The standards of morals take their hue - From the aims of life men hold in view. - The pessimist says life’s a failure entire, - So to meet the demands his views require, - A scheme of acts adapted to shortening life - To get this set soonest out of the strife, - And all the sad and tragic things, - The whole of existence to them brings, - Would be the highest standard of acts, - Which in goodness one for them enacts. - The optimist takes a very different view, - Life’s a pleasure while he its joys pursue. - For him a general life suited to make, - Life long, broad and deep for his sake, - Would be a good banner at him to shake. - So we say, bad morals are bad, and good, good. - The reason the subject by you is not understood, - Is, that while you must surely know, - You constantly misapply to ethics one word as you go. - The meaning of this word if you don’t get, - Is from stupidity, for you never yet - Went into a store anything to buy or even try, - But a practical demonstration was before your eye. - The first thing you ask about a razor or knife, - Is this, “Is it good?” and the clerk doesn’t cry, - “What do you mean!” if he wants you to buy. - He politely answers, “Both these tools cut good, - As they are warranted, one whiskers, and one wood, - And both of them do their part very good.” - If one of you farmers wished to acquire a cow, - You wouldn’t ask whether she could make a bow; - You would enquire how much milk she gave, - And how much butter, and could she save - You some expense in the way she’d behave. - If such questions had all been left out, - And the seller had known what he was about, - He’d said, “She’s good,” and everything’s understood. - If a female reader went to buy a new spring hat, - And the thing was in style, you would close your chat. - If it was in style, it’s good, every fool knows that, - The bargain’s made and the hat charged to pap. - The same thing is true of skirts and hoops, - Of dogs and cats, and chickens in coops; - You can’t look about or run around, - Without understanding this word always so profound, - And mysterious when applied to my theme; - With yawning face you almost dream, - And look confused when I try to tell what I mean. - You never ask about any of the things I’ve spoke, - Whether they say their prayers and never joke, - To speak of such, you at me your fun poke. - Now we’ll see whether you are sensible folk, - When you try to shed your customary cloak - Of prejudice and mysticism you croak, - Every time you try sense to ethics to apply. - Common sense teaches us there is no reason why, - The definition will not fit conduct every whit, - As it did other things about which I’ve writ. - Conduct is good if its ends come through, - And its natural results are good for me and you. - I take the optimist’s view, life’s a blessing, - And when to you my words I’m addressing, - Say whether I’m right in possessing, - The notion that acts are morally right and good, - That contribute to life as above understood. - In its thickness, breadth and length, all those things, - Which happiness achieve, diminishing man’s stings. - Before us examples have been set by teachers, - By Immanuel Kant better than preachers; - That each one of our actions should lofty be, - That each would be a model for a code of morality. - This form of hedonism I would gladly place - Before the eyes of the whole human race. - Asceticism is a term derived from the Greek, - Applied to monks, signifying the exercises they seek, - By which they distinguish themselves in that they do, - For favor with the deity in the lines they pursue, - Away from their fellow man as much as they can. - Virtue is a term originally meaning prowess, - And as applied to bravery they did possess; - It aroused the ancients to courage in distress. - When the Old Bard sang “the wrath - Of Peleus’ son against those in his path; - When his armies did advance with spear and lance, - Against the Trojans against whom he did advance; - Or of him sulking in his tent, nursing his spleen - Against tall Agamemnon for acts in being mean - Towards him in regard to a captive maid - Upon whom he had his affections laid.” - And all the bloody deeds done by gods and men, - Breathing anger from their nostrils when - Upon each other their darts they did hurl, - And in the dust many bleeding bodies did curl; - As these savage men struggled for their prize; - To their gods whole hecatombs did they sacrifice - Of poor dumb brutes that could not sympathize - With them in their bloody wars and heroic cries. - Out of virtue as thus defined did arise - Asceticism and all the horrid tortures it did devise. - Even now men are so wedded to their inspired books - And things written in them by ancients where one looks - To find every act for you and me so well defined - That they claim that all experience combined, - Cannot those precepts change to suit the age; - Although we point out inconsistency on every page. - They even allege that what by their book is said, - Makes things good or bad under each particular head. - That even as simple a thing as theft, - If out of their book the subject were left, - There would be nothing in our practical observation - To distinguish whether or not stealing was a proper avocation. - Whatever of man’s moral nature the origin may be, - Whether he was created with a certain propensity, - Or whether our tendencies are a matter of growth; - One thing is certain, and needs not any oath, - To prove that our several tastes may be improved, - To treat our fellow man as it him behoved; - And toward ourselves the truer to be, - Until our standards and the right did agree. - If all the acts that you and I must do, - Were written into mandates constantly held in view, - And we should follow them all the way through, - We still would be nothing but very slaves, - Marching under orders of some specially wise knaves. - Now if one in what he does, lives to the very top, - Of his own ideals, him we cannot stop, - Until for him his ideas we raise; he is up to full speed, - For the requirements of all are not if the same meed. - Most of man’s motions should be left to his whims, - Whether he rides or walks, or even swims. - Moral conduct being by each self imposed, - The acts men do will naturally be disclosed, - In the things they like in the tastes disclosed. - When the acts of men are ruled by laws enacted, - From the category of ethics they are subtracted. - No human motions should be forced or restrained, - Unless the welfare of others is to be attained. - In some general sense, everything I do, - To a limited extent, has its natural effect on you. - By two meeting in the road, one of us must turn, - To let the other pass or his rig might overturn. - By breathing the air some oxygen I must consume, - Also infecting what remains by what I exhume. - When in the market I buy my daily supplies, - That alone has a tendency to make the price rise; - So that you have to pay more for your store. - Thus in many and varied ways our motions bear - Some natural disadvantages we should all share, - In our relations each with each as we live everywhere. - Any physical fact, however simple it may look, - May change aspect by the turns it took, - Showing how the morality of any motion, - May appear and disappear, simply by the notion - We have about those unseen motives in its track - Preceding, going with, or following it back. - In presence of ladies a man takes off his hat, - To show respect for them and nothing but that. - The morality of this act is not hard to adjust. - The same gentleman to brush away the dust, - Takes off the same hat in perfect disgust. - In each case the taking off the hat was in view. - The one act was moral, while the other it’s true, - With the question of ethics had nothing to do. - He now takes off his hat at the command of the law, - In the presence of the court where he waits in awe. - Being tired of the hat, he takes it off to sell, - Now the above illustration you know so well, - That its application I’ll leave you to spell. - “Nothing’s good or bad but the thinking makes it so.” - Behold the beauty of ethics, let us make it grow. - If you want plants to thrive, cultivate the soil, - Don’t over fertilize, or you will make them spoil. - We may stimulate our desires for good morals, - And our desire for good deeds, even by quarrels. - We may over stimulate the passions of the youth, - Even when trying upon them to impress the truth. - By unduly stimulating their appetite for gains, - And their desires for pleasures without enduring the pains; - And by excess their natures may be changed. - In that way we destroy their faculty to enjoy, - The real blessings of life born of strife. - Rewards and punishments for acts and omissions, - Are causes for delinquencies and its commissions. - Both have their way their victims to sway, - From the natural paths of right every day. - Every good act brings its consequential pay - And every wrong act its own punishment, - Upon all who upon mischief are always bent. - But to add to the natural consequence of things, - Which their performance usually brings, - This over pay in the nature of rewards, - Drives one on until the pay alone he regards, - And the nature of crimes fades out of view, - While the punishment alone is considered by you. - Thus on we are naturally driven from our path, - Straying out of the right and the pleasures it hath. - Most of our motions should be left open to choice - To develop our selective faculties in acts and voice, - That make us kind and fellows to rejoice. - A certain kind of approval we feel, - That might be compared to the scent flowers yield, - Upon the doing or even contemplation of acts. - There is also a stifling sensation coming about, - The doing of things about which there is a doubt, - As to whether we ought, although never found out, - Think, do, or pursue the thing we’re about. - Conscience is the name applied - To this moving feeling with our faculties allied. - And some say it is a true moral guide. - But experience finds conscience in this plight, - It approves everything we think to be right, - And condemns all things in our sight, - That even from ignorance we deem wrong that may be right. - For conscience’ sake many have been burned at the stake, - To appease its gnawings, and thirst for blood to slake. - Gored by its pricks, Hindu mothers, their own babes, - In innocence swathed, into the seething waves, - Of the River Ganges, writhing, religiously they fling, - While to this river god their hymns they sing, - Galled by conscience the monk and anchorite, - In dark caves, out of human sight, - Tear their flesh and do themselves every spite - To humiliate themselves in heaven’s sight. - What a freak conscience has proved to be, - Is illustrated in a story by Heinrich Heine, - Of a certain judge in a certain state, - Having condemned eight hundred by his mandate, - To be burned at the stake for witchcraft, - One day conscience threw at him its own shaft. - He imagined too that he was guilty of the crime, - That so many others had been during his time. - So to quiet his conscience he paid the fine; - And having declared himself guilty, did resign, - And purge his soul in punishment condign. - Conscience may help us our morals to regulate, - But first of all, we must our conscience educate, - By educating the head by which it is led. - Know the right and do it too as best you can - And conscience will aid you to be a man. - To learn the right, and it pursue, - Read all books and observe the actions of man, - Acquire by your own experience all you can; - Value conduct as you would value your goods, - Digest the subject as you do your foods, - Always keeping in view that present good, - Is often best achieved, when understood, - By enduring pains now to prepare us for pleasures, - In the days to come in greater measures. - After all, the art which makes life a success - In blessing those we love to bless, - Is to find th’ equilibrium of pleasures and pains, - As we do our business losses and gains. - Altruism is a word by Auguste Compte made, - Meaning regard for others, which he truly said, - We should cultivate and human love assimilate. - Sometimes the best thing for others we can do, - Is not to worry them, but our own course pursue, - And to ourselves be true, and they’ll pull through. - - - - -Sunday Laws - - - Having enjoyed our quarrels, before we pause, - Let us take a look at your Sunday laws. - In olden time Sabbath breaking was a crime - Of such deep hue, that if anything you do - On that blessed day, even to earn a dime, - By shoveling snow, just about the time, - You begin to know that you must explore - For a little bread to keep wolf from your door. - Now the reason they did pense, for making that offense, - As I divine the most heinous of their time; - Was, that of all the days, it only took six, - For God the funds to raise and no plans to mix, - To build heaven and earth and all stars to fix; - And that the job was all finished so good, - By sundown Saturday night, as they understood, - That on Sunday He had nothing left to do; - So the Lord had to rest, and now must you. - If mistaken in the reasons as to me it looks, - Plenty of Sunday laws are found in your statute books; - And you can read them all yourself, - By taking them off their shelf. - But all those laws have now grown so very old, - And all the pages that them do hold, - Are all stuck together with moss and rust, - So that if you really and truly must, - Take a look at them yourself to see if they are just, - It would be better to hire some old maid or hag, - Who would supply herself with a dust brush and rag - From their pages to scrub away the mold of decay. - Every few years, say one in ten, - Some one or two of our fanatic men, - Or some great big oratorical fellow, - Who imagines that with all ease he can bellow, - And scare the boys their toys to put away, - On the holy, blessed Sabbath day. - As once happened in my own native state, - In almost a comparatively modern date. - This oratorical man became prosecutor of the law; - And he began in earnest to apply his jaw. - He gave us such a jar, that it was hard a cigar, - Or even a loaf of bread to get near or far. - Finally this one did his feathers plume, - And a race for Congress he began to assume; - Thinking that trip he could easily fly. - We then commenced to sing “as in days gone by,” - Before he was walking about our doors stalking, - Upon our heads to precipitate his wrath, - To keep us all in the old straight and narrow path. - In not such an awfully long time, we awoke to find, - That by somebody’s nudge, our man was criminal judge. - Dead sure now was he that he could scare all the boys away - From everything that looked like work or even play, - On the Sabbath day, and being in the lurch, - Haply a number would stumble into church, - When the choir began to sing and the coin to ring - In the collection box handed around by a sly fox. - Criminal informations for men in every station, - Who in his estimation, were the Sabbath breaking, - And the church forsaking, issued from his court, - Patiently did the folks go their bails, - And barely kept them out of our jails, - Till the humane change of venue came: - Then alas for his fame, nothing but blame, - For his services lent, and the people’s money spent. - By simple non-use laws may die, in the public eye. - When they go out of date, there is no need to legislate; - They are always considered as off the slate. - So let all our captives out with joy and glee, - And let us learn one thing from the Man of Galilee, - That the Sabbath was made for man. - - - - -True Religion - - - To work and love and live and do - For others as for oneself, in my view, - Would be a good religion for me and for you. - To help ourselves and others to educate, - That all false pride, selfishness and hate, - Come from ignorance and is not innate. - It is born of the admiration some bestow - On fools who parade around to make a show - Of their wealth, and also the clothes they wear, - Thinking themselves too good our company to share. - ’Tis not the books we read, nor the speed, - That we travel, nor our boasted creed; - ’Tis not the strength we have to believe, - All the tales that from others we receive; - Nor the ugly faces we make when we grieve; - Nor those long drawn out sighs we heave; - Nor even the sorrow we feel for crimes, - Committed away back in ancient times, - By Adam and Eve among their vines - Of the lovely Garden of Eden - Where before there was not a weed in. - Go to church if you please, don your bonnet and hike, - Take a front seat or sit with the choir if you like, - Invite others too, but don’t frown if they do - Let you go by yourself if they want you. - When you see a brother come to great grief, - Don’t take that chance to give yourself relief, - Of a burden you’ve carried to get a chance - To heave at him while down, your pious lance; - Put your arms around his neck, his pains to check, - And take some other time his sins to inspect. - Put your money in the missionary field, - To send to all China and all around you feel, - Like saving them from their idols to whom they kneel; - Spread yourself on land and sea to get them in the band; - All this you do and have not charity, - And your religion is not right for me. - Cut out Sunday, sin, satan and hell, - Leave the gods up where they are wont to dwell; - Change all of your songs about heaven above - To things upon our earth and human love; - Put off your mourning, lugubrious whine - And think of man as the one divine; - Learn to talk and walk and act - As if man’s freedom was a real fact. - Let your parsons take off their gowns, - And smooth out all their wrinkly frowns; - And preach about potatoes, corn and hay, - Just as if folks on earth intended to stay. - Let deacons and monks and all their crew, - Find work for themselves to toil and do; - Use all your churches, temples and spires, - According to man’s natural and ordinary desires; - Stop talking about inspired books and creeds, - But show your faith by human thoughts and deeds. - Immaculate conception and total depravity, - Are entirely too heavy for mortal’s gravity; - Baptism, holy unction, and the new birth divine, - Are elements in which gods alone may shine. - All our superstitions and fears and shame, - Originate in reverence for some holy name, - Burned into man by torch, faggot and flame. - Prophets, priests and seers of old, - So long their marvellous tales have told, - That none on earth but the reckless and old, - A doubt against them dare to hold. - Their ancient books and maps and charts, - Are indelibly branded upon our hearts. - From childhood hour at chime of bell - All congregate to hear the preacher tell - Of the garden of Eden where the serpent bold, - To our first mother did his story unfold; - And, that fascinated by that shiny snake, - She has doomed us all to the burning lake, - With no water our scorching thirst to slake. - He tells us too with all his might and main, - That for our crimes the pensive one was slain; - And that by his death on the cruel cross, - We may recoup our first mother’s loss. - That all are bound in the chains of sin, - Steeped in iniquity she did begin, - By that headlong fall our mother Eve fell, - And, unless we believe the tales they tell, - Our lot will be cast with the damned in hell. - - - - -Immortality - -(A Digression.) - - - When for us our eyes are closed in silent sleep, - And over our rigid body is spread the sheet, - While loved ones around us sob and weep. - When in black our form is shrouded; - And taken to some church all crowded, - Our last rites to receive at loving hands, - Who over our coffin wreathe their garlands - Of flowers, whose fragrance perfume - The air, while loving hearts with song attune, - The stillness to break in hymns of hope; - And the speaker in his talk to cope - With human grief and doubts and fears, - Says consoling words to dry up our tears. - When in our grave, made with pick and spade, - Our embalmed body is solemnly laid; - Does that end us all and all our parade? - Is that all of life to end in dust? - From which our body came once robust? - Or will there come some unseen power - Our lost life to restore in some distant hour, - By some loud trumpet blast us awake - From deep sleep our slumber to break? - Who pines the answer to know, - May have to wait, or the knowledge forego. - Science teaches that what of life we see, - In man as in vegetation, shrub and tree, - Are manifestations of acts the body performs. - That mystic thing called “thought” man’s life adorns, - Is but the throbbing of the active brain. - That each lobe and part of the brain, - Responds to particular senses we feel. - One convolution smells, one hears, one sees; - One urges locomotion, or brings us to our knees; - As upon them play the subtle waves from without - Receiving the response within of what we’re about. - If all this be true, how can it be - That when this machine is destroyed as we see, - That these results can obtain thus set free. - When the grey matter of the brain is back in dust, - Into its original atoms rudely thrust. - Unless it be that life itself is a thing apart, - And the brain, nerves and throbbing heart, - Are but the instruments through which it plays, - And when this body in which it now stays, - With all of its parts, is dead and gone, - Another new body shall us adorn. - They tell us such things in a book divine; - And that this new body shall shine, - Forever amid the stars and in glory shall walk, - Around a throne and to the king shall talk; - And that under the shade of the tree of life, - Find eternal peace free from toil and strife. - - - - -Death - - - Death always strikes with a terrific blow, - Because it drives us to where we do not know. - All the saddened past has been filled with a guess. - Ages have been spent in trying to relieve its distress. - Men have sought magic and the spells it casts - To answer questions and all inquiries of death asked. - Yet, after all, we simply know that it is the fate - We all must equally share with those we love or hate. - Life is but a short story for us when it is told; - Its brief animation for the young and for the old - Is only an agitation, a ripple on the waves of time. - A few joys, a few sorrows, a few thoughts sublime - As onward we speed into the Great Beyond unknown. - Could we but open the doors and see the paths strown - With all the remains of the billions before us thrown - Into the gaping jaws of death, devouring its own, - We might then unravel its mysteries deep, - We might then have visions of those who sleep; - But into that vast chasm none are allowed to peep. - Vain it is to pry into this oblivion profound, - Vain to attempt its hidden meaning to expound; - Vain to ask why the hungry jaws of this Monster Great - Does not spare our loved ones, why he should immolate - Kings in palaces and peasants in huts of want, - Babes in cradles and aged ones lean and gaunt. - If we are inevitably doomed to this common end; - Should we fear when towards it our journeys tend? - We cannot shun it by fear or by hope, - We must meet it, and with its pangs must cope. - In which ever way our winding paths may lead - Death faces us with its devastating looks of greed. - It comes to us in a thousand different ways; - It visits us at night when the sun has hid its rays; - It greets us at noonday when the sun is high; - No one can escape its ever-vigilant eye; - All the living must yield up to it and die. - Is death a curse, then all the living are cursed; - Is death a blessing, then all the living will be blessed. - It cannot be an evil, nature creates nothing wrong; - And it is only nature while we follow it along. - Mother earth brings us all into this life; - And this same mother calls us back from its strife. - Can it be that our mother would be unkind? - In a universal mother, universal love we find. - Although her children be numbered by millions; - And all her numberless offspring run into billions; - Yet no partiality she shows; all are treated the same; - Her rules are based on fate, break them and bear the blame. - How could her laws be varied to suit her flock? - Anarchy would reign and destroy her stock. - One universal law; death waits us all; - So let us be courageous while we wait its call. - - - - -TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES: - - - Italicized text is surrounded by underscores: _italics_. - - Obvious typographical errors have been corrected. - - Archaic or alternate spelling has been retained from the original. - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's The Twentieth Century Epic, by R. B. Garnett - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TWENTIETH CENTURY EPIC *** - -***** This file should be named 63542-0.txt or 63542-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/6/3/5/4/63542/ - -Produced by Charlene Taylor, David E. Brown, and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part -of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm -concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, -and may not be used if you charge for the eBooks, unless you receive -specific permission. If you do not charge anything for copies of this -eBook, complying with the rules is very easy. You may use this eBook -for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, -performances and research. They may be modified and printed and given -away--you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks -not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the -trademark license, especially commercial redistribution. - -START: FULL LICENSE - -THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE -PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK - -To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full -Project Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at -www.gutenberg.org/license. - -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works - -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or -destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your -possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a -Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound -by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the -person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph -1.E.8. - -1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this -agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below. - -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the -Foundation" or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection -of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual -works in the collection are in the public domain in the United -States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the -United States and you are located in the United States, we do not -claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, -displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as -all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope -that you will support the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting -free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm -works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the -Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with the work. You can easily -comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the -same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg-tm License when -you share it without charge with others. - -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are -in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, -check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this -agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, -distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any -other Project Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no -representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any -country outside the United States. - -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: - -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other -immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear -prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work -on which the phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the -phrase "Project Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, -performed, viewed, copied or distributed: - - This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and - most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no - restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it - under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this - eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the - United States, you'll have to check the laws of the country where you - are located before using this ebook. - -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is -derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not -contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the -copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in -the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are -redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply -either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or -obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg-tm -trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any -additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms -will be linked to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works -posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the -beginning of this work. - -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. - -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg-tm License. - -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including -any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access -to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format -other than "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official -version posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site -(www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense -to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means -of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original "Plain -Vanilla ASCII" or other form. Any alternate format must include the -full Project Gutenberg-tm License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. - -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -provided that - -* You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed - to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he has - agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project - Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid - within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are - legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty - payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project - Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in - Section 4, "Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg - Literary Archive Foundation." - -* You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm - License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all - copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue - all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg-tm - works. - -* You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of - any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of - receipt of the work. - -* You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work or group of works on different terms than -are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing -from both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and The -Project Gutenberg Trademark LLC, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm -trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. - -1.F. - -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project -Gutenberg-tm collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may -contain "Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate -or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other -intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or -other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or -cannot be read by your equipment. - -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right -of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. - -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium -with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you -with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in -lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person -or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second -opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If -the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing -without further opportunities to fix the problem. - -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO -OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT -LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. - -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of -damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement -violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the -agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or -limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or -unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the -remaining provisions. - -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in -accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the -production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, -including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of -the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this -or any Project Gutenberg-tm work, (b) alteration, modification, or -additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any -Defect you cause. - -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm - -Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of -computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It -exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations -from people in all walks of life. - -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future -generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see -Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at -www.gutenberg.org - - - -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation - -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by -U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. - -The Foundation's principal office is in Fairbanks, Alaska, with the -mailing address: PO Box 750175, Fairbanks, AK 99775, but its -volunteers and employees are scattered throughout numerous -locations. Its business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt -Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up to -date contact information can be found at the Foundation's web site and -official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact - -For additional contact information: - - Dr. Gregory B. Newby - Chief Executive and Director - gbnewby@pglaf.org - -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation - -Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide -spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. - -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND -DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular -state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate - -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. - -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. - -Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To -donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate - -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works. - -Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project -Gutenberg-tm concept of a library of electronic works that could be -freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and -distributed Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of -volunteer support. - -Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in -the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not -necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper -edition. - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search -facility: www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. - |