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diff --git a/6347.txt b/6347.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2c055b8 --- /dev/null +++ b/6347.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4616 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Hobson's Choice, by Harold Brighouse + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Hobson's Choice + +Author: Harold Brighouse + + +Release Date: August, 2004 [EBook #6347] +This file was first posted on November 29, 2002 +Last Updated: June 22, 2013 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOBSON'S CHOICE *** + + + + +Produced by Delphine Lettau, Charles Franks and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team + + + + + + + + +HOBSON'S CHOICE + +A Lancashire Comedy in Four Acts + +By Harold Brighouse + + + +_Hobson's Choice_ was originally produced in America. Its first English +production took place on June 22, 1916, at the Apollo Theatre, London, +with the following cast: + + + ALICE HOBSON . . . . . . . . _Miss Lydia Bilbrooke_. + MAGGIE HOBSON . . . . . . . . _Miss Edyth Goodall_. + VICKEY HOBSON . . . . . . . . _Miss Hilda Davies_. + ALBERT PROSSER . . . . . . . . _Mr. Reginald Fry_. + HENRY HORATIO HOBSON . . . . . . _Mr. Norman McKinnel_. + MRS. HEPWORTH . . . . . . . . _Miss Dora Gregory_. + TIMOTHY WADLOW (TUBBY). . . . . . _Mr. Sydney Paxton_. + WILLIAM MOSSOP . . . . . . . . _Mr. Joe Nightingale_. + JIM HEELER . . . . . . . . . _Mr. J. Cooke Beresford_. + ADA FIGGINS . . . . . . . . . _Miss Mary Byron_. + FRED BEENSTOCK . . . . . . . . _Mr. Jefferson Gore_. + DR. MACFARLANE . . . . . . . . _Mr. J. Fisher White_. + + +The play produced by MR. NORMAN McKINNEL. + +_The_ SCENE _is Salford, Lancashire, and the period is 1880_. + +ACT I. _Interior of_ HOBSON'S _Shop in Chapel Street_. + +ACT II. _The same scene_. + +ACT III. WILL MOSSOP'S _Shop_. + +ACT IV. _Living-room of_ HOBSON'S _Shop_. + + + +PUBLISHER'S NOTE. + +Acknowledgements are made to Mr. William Armstrong, Director of the +Liverpool Repertory Company, for allowing his prompt copy to be used in +preparing this acting edition. + +[Illustration] Red Walls, Brown oaken dado. T. gas bracket over counter. +Turkey red curtains half up window. No carpet. Small rug at door R. +Shoes on counter and showcases. Hanging laces. Advertisements. Boot +polishes. Brushes. Brown paper on counter. Clogs in rows under shelves +R. C. Black cane furniture and rush-bottomed. Heavy leather armchair. +Piece of rough leather on shelves. + +The trap is eminently desirable. However, should the stage used have +no trap, the work-room may be supposed to be off-stage, with a door up +Right. + + + + +HOBSON'S CHOICE + +ACT 1 + +_The_ SCENE _represents the interior of_ HOBSON'S _Boot Shop in Chapel +Street, Bedford. The shop windows and entrance from street occupy the +left side. Facing the audience is the counter, with exhibits of boots +and slippers, behind which the wall is fitted with racks containing boot +boxes. Cane chairs in front of counter. There is a desk down L. with a +chair. A door R. leads up to the house. In the centre of the stage is +a trap leading to the cellar where work is done. There are no elaborate +fittings. Gas brackets in the windows and walls. The business is +prosperous, but to prosper in Salford in 1880 you did not require the +elaborate accessories of a later day. A very important customer goes +for fitting into_ HOBSON'S _sitting-room. The rank and file use the +cane chairs in the shop, which is dingy but business-like. The +windows exhibit little stock, and amongst what there is clogs figure +prominently. Through the windows comes the bright light of noon._ + +Sitting behind the counter are_ HOBSON'S _two younger daughters,_ ALICE, +R., _who is twenty-three, and_ VICTORIA, L., _who is twenty-one, and +very pretty_. ALICE _is knitting and_ VICTORIA _is reading. They are in +black, with neat black aprons. The door_ R. _opens, and_ MAGGIE _enters. +She is_ HOBSON'S _eldest daughter, thirty_. + +ALICE. Oh, it's you. I hoped it was father going out. + +MAGGIE. It isn't. (_She crosses and takes her place at desk_ L.) + +ALICE. He _is_ late this morning. + +MAGGIE. He got up late. (_She busies herself with an account book_.) + +VICKEY. (_reading_). Has he had breakfast yet, Maggie? + +MAGGIE. Breakfast! With a Masons' meeting last night! + +VICKEY. He'll need reviving. + +ALICE. Then I wish he'd go and do it. + +VICKEY. Are you expecting anyone, Alice? + +ALICE. Yes, I am, and you know I am, and I'll thank you both to go when +he comes. + +VICKEY. Well, I'll oblige you, Alice, if father's gone out first, only +you know I can't leave the counter till he goes. + +(ALBERT PROSSER _enters from the street. He is twenty-six, nicely +dressed, as the son of an established solicitor would be. He crosses to_ +R. _and raises his hat to _ALICE.) + +ALBERT. Good morning, Miss Alice. + +ALICE. Good morning, Mr. Prosser. (_She leans across counter_.) Father's +not gone out yet. He's late. + +ALBERT. Oh! (_He turns to go, and is half-way to door, when MAGGIE +rises_.) + +MAGGIE (_coming_ C.). What can we do for you, Mr. Prosser? + +ALBERT (_stopping_). Well, I can't say that I came in to buy anything, +Miss Hobson. + +MAGGIE. This is a shop, you know. We're not here to let people go out +without buying. + +ALBERT. Well, I'll just have a pair of bootlaces, please. (_Moves +slightly to_ R.) + +MAGGIE. What size do you take in boots? + +ALBERT. Eights. I've got small feet. (_He simpers, then perceives that_ +MAGGIE _is by no means smiling_.) Does that matter to the laces? + +MAGGIE (_putting mat in front of arm-chair_ R. C.) It matters to the +boots. (_She pushes him slightly_.) Sit down, Mr. Prosser. + +ALBERT (_sitting in arm-chair_ R. C.) Yes, but-- + +(MAGGIE _is on her knees and takes off his boot_.) + +MAGGIE. It's time you had a new pair. These uppers are disgraceful for +a professional man to wear. Number eights from the third rack, Vickey, +please. + +ALICE (_moving down a little_). Mr. Prosser didn't come in to buy boots, +Maggie. + +(VICKEY _comes down to_ MAGGIE _with box which she opens_.) + +MAGGIE. I wonder what does bring him in here so often! + +(ALICE _moves back to behind counter_.) + +ALBERT. I'm terrible hard on bootlaces, Miss Hobson. + +(MAGGIE _puts a new boot on him and laces it_.) + +MAGGIE. Do you get through a pair a day? You must be strong. + +ALBERT. I keep a little stock of them. It's as well to be prepared for +accidents. + +MAGGIE. And now you'll have boots to go with the laces, Mr. Prosser. How +does that feel? + +ALBERT. Very comfortable. + +MAGGIE. Try it standing up. + +ALBERT (_trying and walking a few steps_). Yes, that fits all right. + +MAGGIE. I'll put the other on. + +ALBERT. Oh no, I really don't want to buy them. + +MAGGIE (_pushing him_). Sit down, Mr. Prosser. You can't go through the +streets in odd boots. + +(ALICE _comes down again_.) + +ALBERT. What's the price of these? + +MAGGIE. A pound. + +ALBERT. A pound! I say-- + +MAGGIE. They're good boots, and you don't need to buy a pair of laces +to-day, because we give them in as discount. (VICKEY _goes back to +counter_.) Braid laces, that is. Of course, if you want leather ones, +you being so strong in the arm and breaking so many pairs, you can have +them, only it's tuppence more. + +ALBERT. These--these will do. + +MAGGIE. Very well, you'd better have the old pair mended and I'll send +them home to you with the bill. (_She has laced the second boot, rises, +and moves towards desk_ L., _throwing the boot box at_ VICKEY, _who +gives a little scream at the interruption of her reading_. ALBERT +_gasps_.) + +ALBERT. Well, if anyone had told me I was coming in here to spend a +pound I'd have called him crazy. + +MAGGIE. It's not wasted. Those boots will last. Good morning, Mr. +Prosser. (_She holds door open_.) + +ALBERT. Good morning. (_He looks blankly at_ ALICE _and goes out_.) + +ALICE. Maggie, we know you're a pushing sales-woman, but-- + +MAGGIE (_returning to_ R. _she picks up old boots and puts them on rack +up_ R.). It'll teach him to keep out of here a bit. He's too much time +on his hands. + +ALICE. You know why he comes. + +MAGGIE. I know it's time he paid a rent for coming. A pair of laces a +day's not half enough. Coming here to make sheep's eyes at you. I'm sick +of the sight of him. (_Crosses in front of counter to_ L.) + +ALICE. It's all very well for an old maid like you to talk, but if +father won't have us go courting, where else can Albert meet me except +here when father's out? + +MAGGIE. If he wants to marry you why doesn't he do it? + +ALICE. Courting must come first. + +MAGGIE. It needn't. (_She picks up a slipper on desk_ L.). See that +slipper with a fancy buckle on to make it pretty? Courting's like that, +my lass. All glitter and no use to nobody. (_She replaces slipper and +sits at her desk_.) + +(HENRY HORATIO HOBSON _enters from the house. He is fifty-five, +successful, coarse, florid, and a parent of the period. His hat is on. +It is one of those felt hats which are half-way to tall hats in shape. +He has a heavy gold chain and masonic emblems on it. His clothes are +bought to wear_.) + +HOBSON. Maggie, I'm just going out for a quarter of an hour. (_Moves +over to doors_ L.) + +MAGGIE. Yes, father. Don't be late for dinner. There's liver. + +HOBSON. It's an hour off dinner-time. (_Going_.) + +MAGGIE. So that, if you stay more than an hour in the Moonraker's Inn, +you'll be late for it. + +HOBSON. "Moonraker's?" Who said--? (_Turning_.) + +VICKEY. If your dinner's ruined, it'll be your own fault. + +HOBSON. Well, I'll be eternally-- + +ALICE. Don't swear, father. + +HOBSON (_putting hat on counter_). No. I'll sit down instead. (_He moves +to_ R. C. _and sits in arm-chair_ R. C. _facing them_.) Listen to me, +you three. I've come to conclusions about you. And I won't have it. Do +you hear that? Interfering with my goings out and comings in. The idea! +I've a mind to take measures with the lot of you. + +MAGGIE. I expect Mr. Heeler's waiting for you in "Moonraker's," father. + +HOBSON. He can go on waiting. At present, I'm addressing a few remarks +to the rebellious females of this house, and what I say will be listened +to and heeded. I've noticed it coming on ever since your mother died. +There's been a gradual increase of uppishness towards me. + +VICKEY. Father, you'd have more time to talk after we've closed +to-night. (_She is anxious to resume her reading_.) + +HOBSON. I'm talking now, and you're listening. Providence has decreed +that you should lack a mother's hand at the time when single girls grow +bumptious and must have somebody to rule. But I'll tell you this, you'll +none rule me. + +VICKEY. I'm sure I'm not bumptious, father. + +HOBSON. Yes, you are. You're pretty, but you're bumptious, and I hate +bumptiousness like I hate a lawyer. + +ALICE. If we take trouble to feed you it's not bumptious to ask you not +to be late for your food. + +VICKEY. Give and take, father. + +HOBSON. I give and you take, and it's going to end. + +MAGGIE. How much a week do you give us? + +HOBSON. That's neither here nor there. (_Rises and moves to doors_ L.) +At moment I'm on uppishness, and I'm warning you your conduct towards +your parent's got to change. (_Turns to the counter_.) But that's not +all. That's private conduct, and now I pass to broader aspects and I +speak of public conduct. I've looked upon my household as they go about +the streets, and I've been disgusted. The fair name and fame of Hobson +have been outraged by members of Hobson's family, and uppishness has +done it. + +VICKEY. I don't know what you're talking about. + +HOBSON. Vickey, you're pretty, but you can lie like a gas-meter. Who had +new dresses on last week? + +ALICE. I suppose you mean Vickey and me! + +HOBSON. I do. + +VICKEY. We shall dress as we like, father, and you can save your breath. + +HOBSON. I'm not stopping in from my business appointment for the purpose +of saving my breath. + +VICKEY. You like to see me in nice clothes. + +HOBSON. I do. I like to see my daughters nice. (_Crosses_ R.) That's +why I pay Mr. Tudsbury, the draper, 10 pounds a year a head to dress you +proper. It pleases the eye and it's good for trade. But, I'll tell you, +if some women could see themselves as men see them, they'd have a shock, +and I'll have words with Tudsbury an' all, for letting you dress up like +guys. (_Moves_ L.) I saw you and Alice out of the "Moonraker's" parlour +on Thursday night and my friend Sam Minns--(_Turns_.) + +ALICE. A publican. + +HOBSON. Aye, a publican. As honest a man as God Almighty ever set behind +a bar, my ladies. My friend, Sam Minns, asked me who you were. And well +he might. You were going down Chapel Street with a hump added to nature +behind you. + +VICKEY (_scandalized_). Father! + +HOBSON. The hump was wagging, and you put your feet on pavement as if +you'd got chilblains--aye, stiff neck above and weak knees below. It's +immodest! + +ALICE. It is not immodest, father. It's the fashion to wear bustles. + +HOBSON. Then to hell with the fashion. + +MAGGIE. Father, you are not in the "Moonraker's" now. + +VICKEY. You should open your eyes to what other ladies wear. (_Rises_.) + +HOBSON. If what I saw on you is any guide, I should do nowt of kind. I'm +a decent-minded man. I'm Hobson. I'm British middle class and proud of +it. I stand for common sense and sincerity. You're affected, which is +bad sense and insincerity. You've overstepped nice dressing and you've +tried grand dressing--(VICKEY _sits_)--which is the occupation of fools +and such as have no brains. You forget the majesty of trade and the +unparalleled virtues of the British Constitution which are all based +on the sanity of the middle classes, combined with the diligence of the +working-classes. You're losing balance, and you're putting the things +which don't matter in front of the things which do, and if you mean +to be a factor in the world in Lancashire or a factor in the house of +Hobson, you'll become sane. + +VICKEY. Do you want us to dress like mill girls? + +HOBSON. No. Nor like French Madams, neither. It's un-English, I say. + +ALICE. We shall continue to dress fashionably, father. + +HOBSON. Then I've a choice for you two. Vickey, you I'm talking to, and +Alice. You'll become sane if you're going on living here. You'll control +this uppishness that's growing on you. And if you don't, you'll get out +of this, and exercise your gifts on some one else than me. You don't +know when you're well off. But you'll learn it when I'm done with you. +I'll choose a pair of husbands for you, my girls. That's what I'll do. + +ALICE. Can't we choose husbands for ourselves? + +HOBSON. I've been telling you for the last five minutes you're not even +fit to choose dresses for yourselves. + +MAGGIE. You're talking a lot to Vickey and Alice, father. Where do I +come in? + +HOBSON. You? (_Turning on her, astonished_.) + +MAGGIE. If you're dealing husbands round, don't I get one? + +HOBSON. Well, that's a good one! (_Laughs_.) You with a husband! (_Down +in front of desk_.) + +MAGGIE. Why not? + +HOBSON. Why not? I thought you'd sense enough to know. But if you want +the brutal truth, you're past the marrying age. You're a proper old +maid, Maggie, if ever there was one. + +MAGGIE. I'm thirty. + +HOBSON (_facing her_). Aye, thirty and shelved. Well, all the women +can't get husbands. But you others, now. I've told you. I'll have less +uppishness from you or else I'll shove you off my hands on to some other +men. You can just choose which way you like. (_He picks up hat and makes +for door_.) + +MAGGIE. One o'clock dinner, father. + +HOBSON. See here, Maggie,--(_back again down to in front of desk_)--I +set the hours at this house. It's one o'clock dinner because I say it +is, and not because you do. + +MAGGIE. Yes, father. + +HOBSON. So long as that's clear I'll go. (_He is by door_.) Oh no, I +won't. Mrs. Hepworth's getting out of her carriage. + +(_He puts hat on counter again_. MAGGIE _rises and opens door. Enter_ +MRS. HEPWORTH, _an old lady with a curt manner and good clothes_.) + +Good morning, Mrs. Hepworth. What a lovely day. (_He crosses_ R. _and +places chair_.) + +MRS. HEPWORTH (_sitting in arm-chair_ R. C.). Morning, Hobson. (_She +raises her skirt_.) I've come about those boots you sent me home. + +HOBSON (_kneeling on_ MRS. HEPWORTH'S R., _and fondling foot_. MAGGIE +_is_ C.). Yes, Mrs. Hepworth. They look very nice. + +MRS. HEPWORTH. Get up, Hobson. (_He scrambles up, controlling his +feelings_.) You look ridiculous on the floor. Who made these boots? + +HOBSON. We did. Our own make. + +MRS. HEPWORTH. Will you answer a plain question? Who made these boots? + +HOBSON. They were made on the premises. + +MRS. HEPWORTH (_to_ MAGGIE). Young woman, you seemed to have some sense +when you served me. Can you answer me? + +MAGGIE. I think so, but I'll make sure for you, Mrs. Hepworth. (_She +opens trap and calls_.) Tubby! + +HOBSON (_down_ R.). You wish to see the identical workman, madam? + +MRS. HEPWORTH. I said so. + +HOBSON. I am responsible for all work turned out here. + +MRS. HEPWORTH. I never said you weren't. + +(TUBBY WADLOW _comes up trap. A white-haired little man with thin legs +and a paunch, in dingy clothes with no collar and a coloured cotton +shirt. He has no coat on_.) + +TUBBY. Yes, Miss Maggie? (_He stands half out of trap, not coming right +up_.) + +MRS. HEPWORTH. Man, did you make these boots? (_She rises and advances +one pace towards him_.) + +TUBBY. No, ma'am. + +MRS. HEPWORTH. Then who did? Am I to question every soul in the place +before I find out? (_Looking round_.) + +TUBBY. They're Willie's making, those. + +MRS. HEPWORTH. Then tell Willie I want him. + +TUBBY. Certainly, ma'am. (_He goes down trap and calls_ "Willie!") + +MRS. HEPWORTH. Who's Willie? + +HOBSON. Name of Mossop, madam. But if there is anything wrong I assure +you I'm capable of making the man suffer for it. I'll-- + +(WILLIE MOSSOP _comes up trap. He is a lanky fellow, about thirty, not +naturally stupid but stunted mentally by a brutalized childhood. He is a +raw material of a charming man, but, at present, it requires a very keen +eye to detect his potentialities. His clothes are an even poorer edition +of_ TUBBY'S. _He comes half-way up trap_.) + +MRS. HEPWORTH (_standing_ R. _of trap_). Are you Mossop? + +WILLIE. Yes, mum. + +MRS. HEPWORTH. You made these boots? + +WILLIE (_peering at them_). Yes, I made them last week. + +MRS. HEPWORTH. Take that. + +(WILLIE, _bending down, rather expects "that" to be a blow. Then he +raises his head and finds she is holding out a visiting card. He takes +it_.) + +See what's on it? + +WILLIE (_bending over the card_). Writing? + +MRS. HEPWORTH. Read it. + +WILLIE. I'm trying. (_His lips move as he tries to spell it out_.) + +MRS. HEPWORTH. Bless the man. Can't you read? + +WILLIE. I do a bit. Only it's such funny print. + +MRS. HEPWORTH. It's the usual italics of a visiting card, my man. Now +listen to me. I heard about this shop, and what I heard brought me here +for these boots. I'm particular about what I put on my feet. + +HOBSON (_moving slightly towards her_). I assure you it shall not occur +again, Mrs. Hepworth. + +MRS. HEPWORTH. What shan't? + +HOBSON (_crestfallen_). I--I don't know. + +MRS. HEPWORTH. Then hold your tongue. Mossop, I've tried every shop in +Manchester, and these are the best-made pair of boots I've ever had. +Now, you'll make my boots in future. You hear that, Hobson? + +(MAGGIE, _down_ L. C., _is taking it all in_.) + +HOBSON. Yes, madam, of course he shall. + +MRS. HEPWORTH. You'll keep that card, Mossop, and you won't dare leave +here to go to another shop without letting me know where you are. + +HOBSON. Oh, he won't make a change. + +MRS. HEPWORTH. How do you know? The man's a treasure, and I expect you +underpay him. + +HOBSON. That'll do, Willie. You can go. + +WILLIE. Yes, sir. + +(_He dives down trap_. MAGGIE _closes it_.) + +MRS. HEPWORTH. He's like a rabbit. + +MAGGIE. Can I take your order for another pair of boots, Mrs. Hepworth? + +MRS. HEPWORTH. Not yet, young woman. But I shall send my daughters here. +And, mind you, that man's to make the boots. (_She crosses_ L.) + +MAGGIE. (_Up at doors and opening them_.) Certainly, Mrs. Hepworth. + +MRS. HEPWORTH. Good morning. + +HOBSON. Good morning, Mrs. Hepworth. Very glad to have the honour of +serving you, madam. (_Following her up_.) + +(_She goes out_.) + +(_Angry_.) I wish some people would mind their own business. What does +she want to praise a workman to his face for? (_Moves down_ L. _and then +to_ C.) + +MAGGIE. I suppose he deserved it. + +HOBSON. Deserved be blowed! Making them uppish. That's what it is. Last +time she puts her foot in my shop, I give you my word. + +MAGGIE. Don't be silly, father. + +HOBSON. I'll show her. Thinks she owns the earth because she lives at +Hope Hall. + +(_Enter from street_ JIM HEELER, _who is a grocer, and_ HOBSON'S _boon +companion_.) + +JIM (_looking down street as he enters_). That's a bit of a startler. + +HOBSON (_swinging round_). Eh? Oh, morning, Jim. + +JIM. You're doing a good class trade if the carriage folk come to you, +Hobson. (_Moves down_ L. C.) + +HOBSON. What? + +JIM. Wasn't that Mrs. Hepworth? + +HOBSON. Oh yes. Mrs. Hepworth's an old and valued customer of mine. + +JIM. It's funny you deal with Hope Hall and never mentioned it. + +HOBSON. Why, I've made boots for her and all her circle for... how long, +Maggie? Oh, I dunno. + +JIM. You kept it dark. Well, aren't you coming round yonder? (_Moving +up_ L.) + +HOBSON (_reaching for his hat_). Yes. That is, no. + +JIM. Are you ill? + +HOBSON. No. Get away, you girls. I'll look after the shop. I want to +talk to Mr. Heeler. + +JIM. Well, can't you talk in the "Moonraker's"! + +(_The girls go out_ R. _to house_, MAGGIE _last_.) + +HOBSON. Yes, with Sam Minns, and Denton and Tudsbury there. + +JIM. It's private, then. What's the trouble, Henry? + +(HOBSON _waves_ JIM _into arm-chair_ R. C. _and sits in front of +counter_.) + +HOBSON. They're the trouble. (_Indicates door to house_.) Do your +daughters worry you, Jim? + +JIM. Nay,--(_sits_ R. C.)--they mostly do as I bid them, and the missus +does the leathering if they don't. + +HOBSON. Ah, Jim, a wife's a handy thing, and you don't know it proper +till she's taken from you. I felt grateful for the quiet when my Mary +fell on rest, but I can see my mistake now. I used to think I was hard +put to it to fend her off when she wanted summat out of me, but the +dominion of one woman is Paradise to the dominion of three. + +JIM. It sounds a sad case, Henry. + +HOBSON. I'm a talkative man by nature, Jim. You know that. + +JIM. You're an orator, Henry. I doubt John Bright himself is better +gifted of the gab than you. + +HOBSON. Nay, that's putting it a bit too strong. A good case needs no +flattery. + +JIM. Well, you're the best debater in the "Moonraker's" parlour. + +HOBSON. And that's no more than truth. Yes, Jim, in the estimation of +my fellow men, I give forth words of weight. In the eyes of my daughters +I'm a windbag. (_Rises and moves down_ L.). + +JIM. Nay. Never! + +HOBSON. I am. (_Turns_.) They scorn my wisdom, Jim. They answer back. +I'm landed in a hole--a great and undignified hole. My own daughters +have got the upper hand of me. + +JIM. Women are worse than men for getting above themselves. + +HOBSON. A woman's foolishness begins where man's leaves off. + +JIM. They want a firm hand, Henry. + +HOBSON. I've lifted up my voice and roared at them. + +JIM. Beware of roaring at women, Henry. Roaring is mainly hollow sound. +It's like trying to defeat an army with banging drums instead of cold +steel. And it's steel in a man's character that subdues the women. + +HOBSON. I've tried all ways, and I'm fair moithered. I dunno what to do. +(_Scratches his head_.) + +JIM. Then you quit roaring at 'em and get 'em wed. (_Rises_.) + +HOBSON. I've thought of that. Trouble is to find the men. + +JIM. Men's common enough. Are you looking for angels in breeches? + +HOBSON. I'd like my daughters to wed temperance young men, Jim. + +JIM. You keep your ambitions within reasonable limits, Henry. You've +three daughters to find husbands for. + +HOBSON. Two, Jim, two. + +JIM. Two? + +HOBSON. Vickey and Alice are mostly window dressing in the shop. But +Maggie's too useful to part with. And she's a bit on the ripe side for +marrying, is our Maggie. + +JIM. I've seen 'em do it at double her age. Still, leaving her out, +you've two. + +HOBSON. One'll do for a start, Jim. (_Crosses to_ R.) It's a thing I've +noticed about wenches. Get one wedding in a family and it goes through +the lot like measles. (_Moves round chair to up_ R.) + +JIM. Well, you want a man, and you want him temperance. It'll cost you a +bit, you know. (_Sits in chair below_ L. _side of counter_.) + +HOBSON (_going to him_). Eh? Oh, I'll get my hand down for the wedding +all right. + +JIM. A warm man like you 'ull have to do more than that. There's things +called settlements. + +HOBSON. Settlements? + +JIM. Aye. You've to bait your hook to catch fish, Henry. + +HOBSON. Then I'll none go fishing. (_Sits_.) + +JIM. But you said-- + +HOBSON. I've changed my mind. I'd a fancy for a bit of peace, but +there's luxuries a man can buy too dear. Settlements indeed! + +JIM. I had a man in mind. + +HOBSON. You keep him there, Jim. I'll rub along and chance it. +Settlements indeed! + +JIM. You save their keep. + +HOBSON. They work for that. And they're none of them big eaters. + +JIM. And their wages. + +HOBSON. Wages? Do you think I pay wages to my own daughters? (_Rises and +goes to desk_ L.) I'm not a fool. + +JIM. Then it's all off? (_Rises_.) + +HOBSON (_turns_). From the moment that you breathed the word +"settlements" it was dead off, Jim. Let's go to the "Moonraker's" and +forget there's such a thing as women in the world. (_He takes up hat and +rings bell on counter_.) Shop! Shop! + +(MAGGIE _enters from_ R.) + +I'm going out, Maggie. + +MAGGIE (_She remains by door_). Dinner's at one, remember. + +HOBSON. Dinner will be when I come in for it. I'm master here. (_Moves +to go_.) + +MAGGIE. Yes, father. One o'clock. + +HOBSON (_disgusted_.) Come along, Jim. + +(JIM _and_ HOBSON _go out to street_. MAGGIE _turns to speak inside_ R. +_door_.) MAGGIE. Dinner at half-past one, girls. We'll give him half an +hour. (_She closes door, turns arm-chair facing C. and moves to trap, +which she raises_.) Willie, come here. + +(_In a moment_ WILLIE _appears, and stops half-way up_.) + +WILLIE. Yes, Miss Maggie? + +MAGGIE (L. _of trap_.) Come up, and put the trap down, I want to talk to +you. + +(_He comes, reluctantly_.) + +WILLIE. We're very busy in the cellar. + +(MAGGIE _points to trap. He closes it_.) + +MAGGIE. Show me your hands, Willie. + +WILLIE. They're dirty. (_He holds them out hesitatingly_.) + +MAGGIE. Yes, they're dirty, but they're clever. They can shape the +leather like no other man's that ever came into the shop. Who taught +you, Willie? (_She retains his hands_.) + +WILLIE. Why, Miss Maggie, I learnt my trade here. + +MAGGIE. Hobson's never taught you to make boots the way you do. + +WILLIE. I've had no other teacher. + +MAGGIE (_dropping his hands_.) And needed none. You're a natural born +genius at making boots. It's a pity you're a natural fool at all else. + +WILLIE. I'm not much good at owt but leather, and that's a fact. + +MAGGIE. When are you going to leave Hobson's? + +WILLIE. Leave Hobson's? I--I thought I gave satisfaction. + +MAGGIE. Don't you want to leave? + +WILLIE. Not me. I've been at Hobson's all my life, and I'm not for +leaving till I'm made. + +MAGGIE. I said you were a fool. + +WILLIE. Then I'm a loyal fool. + +MAGGIE. Don't you want to get on, Will Mossop? You heard what Mrs. +Hepworth said. You know the wages you get and you know the wages a +bootmaker like you could get in one of the big shops in Manchester. + +WILLIE. Nay, I'd be feared to go in them fine places. + +MAGGIE. What keeps you here? Is it the--the people? + +WILLIE. I dunno what it is. I'm used to being here. + +MAGGIE. Do you know what keeps this business on its legs? Two things: +one's the good boots you make that sell themselves, the other's the bad +boots other people make and I sell. We're a pair, Will Mossop. + +WILLIE. You're a wonder in the shop, Miss Maggie. + +MAGGIE. And you're a marvel in the workshop. Well? + +WILLIE. Well, what? + +MAGGIE. It seems to me to point one way. + +WILLIE. What way is that? + +MAGGIE. You're leaving me to do the work, my lad. + +WILLIE. I'll be getting back to my stool, Miss Maggie. (_Moves to +trap_.) + +MAGGIE (_stopping him_). You'll go back when I've done with you. I've +watched you for a long time and everything I've seen, I've liked. I +think you'll do for me. + +WILLIE. What way, Miss Maggie? + +MAGGIE. Will Mossop, you're my man. Six months I've counted on you and +it's got to come out some time. + +WILLIE. But I never-- + +MAGGIE. I know you never, or it 'ud not be left to me to do the job like +this. + +WILLIE. I'll--I'll sit down. (_He sits in arm-chair, mopping his brow_.) +I'm feeling queer-like. What dost want me for? + +MAGGIE. To invest in. You're a business idea in the shape of a man. + +WILLIE. I've got no head for business at all. + +MAGGIE. But I have. My brain and your hands 'ull make a working +partnership. + +WILLIE (_getting up, relieved_). Partnership! Oh, that's a different +thing. I thought you were axing me to wed you. (_Moves up stage_.) + +MAGGIE. I am. + +WILLIE (_sitting in front of counter_). Well, by gum! And you the +master's daughter. + +MAGGIE. Maybe that's why, Will Mossop. (_Moving up stage_.) Maybe I've +had enough of father, and you're as different from him as any man I +know. (_Sits_ L. _of him_.) + +WILLIE. It's a bit awkward-like. + +MAGGIE. And you don't help me any, lad. What's awkward about it? + +WILLIE. You talking to me like this. + +MAGGIE. I'll tell you something, Will. It's a poor sort of woman who'll +stay lazy when she sees her best chance slipping from her. A Salford +life's too near the bone to lose things through the fear of speaking +out. + +WILLIE. I'm your best chance? + +MAGGIE. You are that, Will. + +WILLIE. Well, by gum! (_Rises_.) I never thought of this. + +MAGGIE. Think of it now. + +WILLIE. I am doing. Only the blow's a bit too sudden to think very +clear. I've a great respect for you, Miss Maggie. You're a shapely body, +and you're a masterpiece at selling in the shop, but when it comes to +marrying, I'm bound to tell you that I'm none in love with you. + +MAGGIE. Wait till you're asked. (_Rises_.) I want your hand in mine and +your word for it that you'll go through life with me for the best we can +get out of it. + +WILLIE. We'd not get much without there's love between us, lass. + +MAGGIE. I've got the love all right. + +WILLIE. Well, I've not, and that's honest. + +MAGGIE. We'll get along without. + +WILLIE. You're desperate set on this. It's a puzzle to me all ways. What +'ud your father say? + +MAGGIE. He'll say a lot, and he can say it. It'll make no difference to +me. + +WILLIE. Much better not upset him. It's not worth while. + +MAGGIE. I'm judge of that. You're going to wed me, Will. + +WILLIE. Oh, nay, I'm not. Really I can't do that, Maggie. I can see that +I'm disturbing your arrangements like, but I'll be obliged if you'll put +this notion from you. + +MAGGIE. When I make arrangements, my lad, they're not made for +upsetting. + +WILLIE. What makes it so desperate awkward is that I'm tokened. + +MAGGIE. You're what? + +WILLIE. I'm tokened to Ada Figgins. + +MAGGIE. Then you'll get loose and quick. Who's Ada Figgins? Do I know +her? (_Moves_ L. _and turns_.) + +WILLIE. I'm the lodger at her mother's. + +MAGGIE. The scheming hussy. It's not that sandy gill who brings your +dinner? (_Moves_ C.) + +WILLIE. She's golden-haired is Ada. Aye, she'll be here soon. + +MAGGIE. And so shall I. I'll talk to Ada. I've seen her and I know the +breed. Ada's the helpless sort. (_Turns_ L.) + +WILLIE. She needs protecting. + +MAGGIE. That's how she got you, was it? (_Turns_ C.) Yes, I can see her +clinging round your neck until you fancied you were strong. But I'll +tell you this, my lad, it's a desperate poor kind of a woman that'll +look for protection to the likes of you. + +WILLIE. Ada does. + +MAGGIE. And that gives me the weight of her. She's born to meekness, Ada +is. You wed her, and you'll be an eighteen shilling a week bootmaker all +the days of your life. You'll be a slave, and a contented slave. + +WILLIE. I'm not ambitious that I know of. + +MAGGIE. No. But you're going to be. I'll see to that. I've got my work +cut out, but there's the makings of a man about you. + +WILLIE. I wish you'd leave me alone. (_Sits_ R.) + +MAGGIE. So does the fly when the spider catches him. You're my man, +Willie Mossop. (_Moves to desk_.) + +WILLIE. Aye, so you say. Ada would tell another story, though. + +(ADA FIGGINS _enters from street. She is not ridiculous, but a weak, +poor-blooded, poor-spirited girl of twenty, in clogs and shawl, with_ +WILLIE'S _dinner in a basin carried in a blue handkerchief. She crosses +to him and gives him the basin_.) + +ADA (C.). There's your dinner, Will. + +WILLIE. Thank you, Ada. (_Rises_.) + +(_She turns to go, and finds_ MAGGIE _in her way_.) + +MAGGIE. I want a word with you. You're treading on my foot, young woman. + +ADA. Me, Miss Hobson? (_She looks stupidly at_ MAGGIE'S _feet_.) + +MAGGIE. What's this with you and him? + +ADA (_gushing_). Oh, Miss 'Obson, it is good of you to take notice like +that. + +WILLIE. Ada, she-- + +MAGGIE. You hold your hush. This is for me and her to settle. Take a +fair look at him, Ada. + +ADA. At Will? + +MAGGIE (_nodding_). Not much for two women to fall out over, is there? + +ADA. Maybe he's not so much to look at, but you should hear him play. + +MAGGIE. Play? Are you a musician, Will? + +WILLIE. I play the Jew's harp. + +MAGGIE. That's what you see in him, is it? A gawky fellow that plays the +Jew's harp? + +ADA. I see the lad I love, Miss 'Obson. + +MAGGIE. It's a funny thing, but I can say the same. + +ADA. You! + +WILLIE. That's what I've been trying to tell you, Ada, and--and, by gum, +she'll have me from you if you don't be careful. + +MAGGIE. So we're quits so far, Ada. + +ADA. You'll pardon me. You've spoke too late. Will and me's tokened. +(_She takes his arm_.) + +MAGGIE. That's the past. It's the future that I'm looking to. What's +your idea for that? + +ADA. You mind your own business, Miss 'Obson. Will Mossop's no concern +of thine. + +WILLIE. That's what I try to tell her myself, only she will have it it's +no use. + +MAGGIE. Not an atom. I've asked for your idea of Willie's future. If +it's a likelier one than mine, I'll give you best and you can have the +lad. + +ADA. I'm trusting him to make the future right. + +MAGGIE. It's as bad as I thought it was. Willie, you wed me. + +ADA (_weakly_). It's daylight robbery. (_Moves slightly_ L.) + +WILLIE. Aren't you going to put up a better fight for me than that, Ada? +You're fair giving me to her. + +MAGGIE. Will Mossop, you take your orders from me in this shop. I've +told you you'll wed me. + +WILLIE. Seems like there's no escape. (_Sits in arm-chair_.) + +ADA (_angry_). Wait while I get you to home, my lad. I'll set my mother +on to you. + +MAGGIE. Oh, so it's her mother made this match! + +WILLIE. She had above a bit to do with it. + +MAGGIE. I've got no mother, Will. + +WILLIE. You need none, neither. + +MAGGIE. Well, can I sell you a pair of clogs, Miss Figgins? + +ADA. No. Nor anything else. + +MAGGIE. Then you've no business here, have you? (_Moves up to doors and +opens them_.) + +ADA (_going to him_). Will, are you going to see me ordered out? + +WILLIE. It's her shop, Ada. + +ADA. You mean I'm to go like this? + +WILLIE. She means it. + +ADA. It's cruel hard. (_Moves towards doors_.) + +MAGGIE. When it comes to a parting, it's best to part sudden and no +whimpering about it. + +ADA. I'm not whimpering, and I'm not parting, neither. But he'll whimper +to-night when my mother sets about him. (_Slight movement back to him_.) + +MAGGIE. That'll do. + +ADA (_in almost a scream_). Will Mossop, I'm telling you, you'll come +home to-night to a thick ear. + +(_She goes_.) + +WILLIE (_rising_). I'd really rather wed Ada, Maggie, if it's all same +to you. + +MAGGIE. Why? Because of her mother? + +WILLIE. She's a terrible rough side to her tongue, has Mrs. Figgins. + +MAGGIE. Are you afraid of her? + +WILLIE (_hesitates, then says_). Yes. + +MAGGIE. You needn't be. + +WILLIE. Yes, but you don't know her. She'll jaw me till I'm black in the +face when I go home to-night. + +MAGGIE. You won't go home to-night. + +WILLIE. Not go? + +MAGGIE. You've done with lodging there. You'll go to Tubby Wadlow's +when you knock off work and Tubby'll go round to Mrs. Figgins for your +things. + +WILLIE. And I'm not to go back there never no more? + +MAGGIE. No. + +WILLIE. It's like an 'appy dream. Eh, Maggie, you do manage things. + +(_He opens the trap_.) + +MAGGIE. And while Tubby's there you can go round and see about putting +the banns up for us two. + +WILLIE. Banns! Oh, but I'm hardly used to the idea yet. (_A step down_.) + +MAGGIE. You'll have three weeks to get used to it in. Now you can kiss +me, Will. + +WILLIE. That's forcing things a bit, and all. It's like saying I agree +to everything, a kiss is. + +MAGGIE. Yes. + +WILLIE. And I don't agree yet. I'm-- + +MAGGIE. Come along. + +(ALICE, _then_ VICKEY _enter_ R.) + +Do what I tell you, Will. + +WILLIE. Now? With them here? + +MAGGIE. Yes. + +WILLIE (_pause_). I couldn't. (_He dives for trap, runs down, and closes +it_.) + +ALICE. What's the matter with Willie? + +MAGGIE. He's a bit upset because I've told him he's to marry me. Is +dinner cooking nicely? (_To desk_, L.) + +ALICE. You're going to marry Willie Mossop! Willie Mossop! + +VICKEY. You've kept it quiet, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. You know about it pretty near as soon as Willie does himself. + +VICKEY. Well, I don't know! + +ALICE. I know, and if you're afraid to speak your thoughts, I'm not. +Look here, Maggie--(_moving to_ L. C.),--what you do touches us, +and you're mistaken if you think I'll own Willie Mossop for my +brother-in-law. + +MAGGIE. Is there supposed to be some disgrace in him? + +ALICE. You ask father if there's disgrace. And look at me. I'd hopes of +Albert Prosser till this happened. + +MAGGIE. You'll marry Albert Prosser when he's able, and that'll be when +ho starts spending less on laundry bills and hair cream. (_Goes to_ R.) + +(HOBSON _enters from the street_.) + +HOBSON. Well, what about that dinner? (_Comes_ C.) + +(_The positions are_ MAGGIE R., VICKEY _up_ R. C., HOBSON _up_ C., ALICE +L. C.) MAGGIE. It'll be ready in ten minutes. + +HOBSON. You said one o'clock. + +MAGGIE. Yes, father. One for half-past. If you'll wash your hands, it'll +be ready as soon as you are. + +HOBSON. I won't wash my hands. I don't hold with such finicking ways, +and well you know it. (_Sits in front of counter_.) + +VICKEY. Father, have you heard the news about our Maggie? (_Down_ R. C.) + +HOBSON. News? There is no news. It's the same old tale. Uppishness. +You'd keep a starving man from the meat he earns in the sweat of his +brow, would you? I'll put you in your places. I'll--(_Rises_.) + +MAGGIE. Don't lose your temper, father. You'll maybe need it soon when +Vickey speaks. (_Moves down_ R.) + +HOBSON. What's Vickey been doing? + +VICKEY. Nothing. It's about Will Mossop, father. + +HOBSON. Will? + +ALICE. Yes. What's your opinion of Will? + +HOBSON. A decent lad. I've nowt against him that I know of. + +ALICE. Would you like him in the family? + +HOBSON. Whose family? (_Coming down_ C.) + +VICKEY. Yours. + +MAGGIE. I'm going to marry Willie, father. That's what all the fuss is +about. + +HOBSON. Marry--you--Mossop? (_Moves to her_.) + +MAGGIE. You thought me past the marrying age. I'm not. That's all. + +HOBSON. Didn't you hear me say I'd do the choosing when it came to a +question of husbands? + +MAGGIE. You said I was too old to get a husband. + +HOBSON. You are. You all are. + +VICKEY. Father! + +HOBSON. (_crossing to_ C.) And if you're not, it makes no matter. I'll +have no husbands here. + +(VICKEY R., ALICE L. _of_ HOBSON.) + +ALICE. But you said-- + +HOBSON. I've changed my mind. I've learnt some things since then. +There's a lot too much expected of a father nowadays. There'll be no +weddings here. + +ALICE. Oh, father! + +HOBSON (_taking them down_). Go and get my dinner served and talk less. +Go on now. I'm not in right temper to be crossed. + +(_He drives_ ALICE _and_ VICKEY _before him. They go out protesting +loudly. But MAGGIE stands in his way as he follows and she closes the +door. She looks at him from the stair_.) + +MAGGIE. You and I 'ull be straight with one another, father. I'm not +a fool and you're not a fool, and things may as well be put in their +places as left untidy. + +HOBSON. I tell you my mind's made up. You can't have Willie Mossop. Why, +lass, his father was a workhouse brat. A come-by-chance. (_Moves_ C.) + +MAGGIE. It's news to me we're snobs in Salford. I have Willie Mossop. +I've to settle my life's course, and a good course, too, so think on. + +HOBSON. I'd be the laughing-stock of the place if I allowed it. I won't +have it, Maggie. It's hardly decent at your time of life. + +MAGGIE. I'm thirty and I'm marrying Willie Mossop. And now I'll tell you +my terms. + +HOBSON. You're in a nice position to state terms, my lass. + +MAGGIE. You will pay my man, Will Mossop, the same wages as before. +And as for me, I've given you the better part of twenty years of work +without wages. I'll work eight hours a day in future and you will pay me +fifteen shillings by the week. + +HOBSON. Do you think I'm made of brass? + +MAGGIE. You'll soon be made of less than you are if you let Willie go. +And if Willie goes, I go. That's what you've got to face. + +HOBSON. I might face it, Maggie. Shop hands are cheap. + +MAGGIE. Cheap ones are cheap. The sort you'd have to watch all day, +and you'd feel happy helping them to tie up parcels and sell laces with +Tudsbury and Heeler and Minns supping their ale without you. I'm value +to you, so's my man; and you can boast it at the "Moonraker's" that your +daughter Maggie's made the strangest, finest match a woman's made this +fifty year. And you can put your hand in your pocket and do what I +propose. + +HOBSON. I'll show you what I propose, Maggie. (_He lifts trap and +calls_.) Will Mossop! (_He places hat on counter and unbuckles belt_.) +I cannot leather you, my lass. You're female, and exempt, but I can +leather him. Come up, Will Mossop. + +(WILL _comes up trap and closes it_.) + +You've taken up with my Maggie, I hear. (_He conceals strap_.) + +WILLIE. Nay, I've not. She's done the taking up. + +HOBSON. Well, Willie, either way, you've fallen on misfortune. Love's +led you astray, and I feel bound to put you right. (_Shows strap_.) + +WILLIE. Maggie, what's this? (_Moves down_ R. _a little_.) + +MAGGIE. I'm watching you, my lad. + +HOBSON. Mind, Willie, you can keep your job. I don't bear malice, but +we must beat the love from your body, and every morning you come here to +work with love still sitting in you, you'll get a leathering. (_Getting +ready to strike_.) + +WILLIE. You'll not beat love in me. You're making a great mistake, Mr. +Hobson, and-- + +HOBSON. You'll put aside your weakness for my Maggie if you've a liking +for a sound skin. You'll waste a gradely lot of brass at chemist's if I +am at you for a week with this. (_He swings the strap_.) + +WILLIE. I'm none wanting thy Maggie, it's her that's after me, but I'll +tell you this, Mr. Hobson--(_seizing_ MAGGIE _roughly by the arm_),--if +you touch me with that belt, I'll take her quick, aye, and stick to her +like glue. + +HOBSON. There's nobbut one answer to that kind of talk, my lad. (_He +strikes with belt_. MAGGIE _shrinks_.) + +WILLIE. And I've nobbut one answer back. Maggie, I've none kissed you +yet. I shirked before. But, by gum, I'll kiss you now--(_he kisses her +quickly, with temper, not with passion, as quickly leaves her, to face_ +HOBSON)-and take you and hold you. And if Mr. Hobson raises up that +strap again, I'll do more. I'll walk straight out of shop with thee and +us two 'ull set up for ourselves. + +MAGGIE. Willie! I knew you had it in you, lad. (_She puts her arm +round his neck. He is quite unresponsive. His hands fall limply to his +sides_.) + +(HOBSON _stands in amazed indecision_.) + +CURTAIN. + + + +ACT II + +_A month later. The shop as Act I. It is about mid-day_. ALICE _is in_ +MAGGIE'S _chair at the desk, some ledgers in front of her, and_ VICKEY +_is reading behind the counter. The trap is open and_ TUBBY _stands near +the desk by_ ALICE. + +ALICE. I'm sure I don't know what to tell you to do, Tubby. + +TUBBY. There's nothing in at all to start on, Miss Alice. We're worked +up. + +ALICE. Well, father's out and I can't help you. + +TUBBY. He'll play old Harry if he comes in and finds us doing nowt in +the workroom. + +VICKEY. Then do something. We're not stopping you. (_Rises and moves +over to_ R.) + +TUBBY (_turning on her_). You're not telling me neither. And I'm +supposed to take my orders from the shop. + +ALICE. I don't know what to tell you. Nobody seems to want any boots +made. + +TUBBY. The high-class trade has dropped like a stone this last month. Of +course we can go on making clogs for stock if you like. + +ALICE. Then you'd better. + +TUBBY. You know what's got by selling clogs won't pay the rent, let +alone wages, but if clogs are your orders, Miss Alice--(_He moves +towards trap_.) + +ALICE. You suggested it. + +TUBBY. I made the remark. (_Starts going down_.) But I'm not a rash man, +and I'm not going to be responsible to the master with his temper so +nowty and all since Miss Maggie went. + +ALICE. Oh, dear! What would Miss Maggie have told you to do? + +TUBBY. I couldn't tell you that, Miss, I'm sure. I don't recollect +things being as slack as this in her time. + +VICKEY. You don't help us much for an intelligent foreman. + +TUBBY. When you've told me what to do, I'll use my intelligence and see +it's done properly. + +ALICE. Then go and make clogs. + +TUBBY. Them's your orders? + +ALICE. Yes. + +TUBBY. Thank you, Miss Alice. + +(TUBBY _goes down trap and closes it_.) + +ALICE (_rises and moves up_ L.). I wonder if I've done right? + +VICKEY. That's your look-out. + +ALICE. I don't care. It's father's place to be here to tell them what to +do. + +VICKEY. Maggie used to manage without him. + +ALICE. Oh, yes. Go on. Blame me that the place is all at sixes and +sevens. (_Coming down to desk_.) + +VICKEY. I don't blame you. I know as well as you do that it's father's +fault. He ought to look after his business himself instead of wasting +more time than ever in the "Moonraker's," but you needn't be snappy with +me about it. + +ALICE. I'm not snappy in myself. (_Sitting at desk_.) It's these +figures. I can't get them right. What's 17 and 25? + +VICKEY (_promptly_). Fifty-two, of course. + +ALICE. Well, it doesn't balance right. Oh, I wish I was married and out +of it. (_Closes book_.) + +VICKEY. Same here. + +ALICE. You! (_Rises_.) + +VICKEY. You needn't think you're the only one. + +ALICE. Well, you're sly, Vickey Hobson. You've kept it to yourself. + +VICKEY. It's just as well now that I did. Maggie's spoilt our chances +for ever. Nobody's fretting to get Willie Mossop for a brother-in-law. + +(MAGGIE _enters, followed by_ FREDDY BEENSTOCK _and then_ WILL. MAGGIE +_and_ WILL _are actually about to be married, but their dress does not +specially indicate it. They are not in their older clothes, and that is +all_. FREDDY _is smarter than either, though only in his everyday dress. +He is not at all a blood, but the respectable son of a respectable +tradesman, and his appearance is such as to justify his attractiveness +in_ VICKEY'S _eyes_. WILL, _very shy, remains up_ L. C. _near the +counter_.) + +ALICE. Maggie, you here! + +MAGGIE. I thought we'd just drop in. Vickey, what's this that Mr. +Beenstock's telling me about you and him? + +VICKEY (_sullenly_). If he's told you I suppose you know. + +FREDDY (L. _of counter, smilingly_). She got it out of me, Vickey. + +VICKEY. I don't know that it's any business of yours, Maggie. + +(_The positions now are_ VICKEY R., MAGGIE R. C., FREDDY C., WILL _up_ +L. C., ALICE _down_ L. C.) + +MAGGIE. You'll never get no farther with it by yourselves from what I +hear of father's carryings-on. + +VICKEY. That's your fault. Yours and his. (_Moving behind counter and +indicating_ WILLIE, _who is trying to efface himself at the back_.) + +MAGGIE (_sharply_). Leave that alone. I'm here to help you if you'll +have my help. + +(VICKEY _would say "No" but--_) + +FREDDY. It's very good of you, Miss Maggie, I must say. Your father has +turned very awkward. + +MAGGIE. I reckon he'll change. Has your young man been in yet this +morning, Alice? (_Moves to desk_.) + +(FREDDY _moves to_ VICKEY _and leaning across the counter carries on a +mild flirtation with her_.) + +ALICE (_indignantly_). My young-- + +MAGGIE. Albert Prosser. + +ALICE. No. + +MAGGIE. Do you expect him? + +ALICE. He's not been here so often since you and Willie Mossop got-- + +MAGGIE (_sharply_). Since when? + +ALICE. Since you made him buy that pair of boots he didn't want. + +MAGGIE (_moving_ C.). I see. He didn't like paying for taking his +pleasure in our shop. Well, if he's not expected, somebody must go for +him. Prosser, Pilkington & Prosser, Solicitors of Bexley Square. That's +right, isn't it? + +ALICE. Yes. Albert's "and Prosser." + +MAGGIE (_moving up stage_ R.). Aye? Quite a big man in his way. Then, +will you go and fetch him, Mr. Beenstock? Tell him to bring the paper +with him. + +VICKEY (_dropping down_ R., _indignantly_). You're ordering folk about a +bit. + +MAGGIE. I'm used to it. + +FREDDY. It's all right, Vickey. + +ALICE. Is it? Suppose father comes in and finds Albert and Freddy here? + +MAGGIE. He won't. + +ALICE. He's beyond his time already. + +MAGGIE. I know. You must have worried father very badly since I went, +Alice. (_Goes to_ ALICE, L.) + +ALICE. Why? + +MAGGIE. Tell them, Mr. Beenstock. + +FREDDY. Well, the fact is, Mr. Hobson won't come because he's at our +place just now. + +VICKEY. At your corn warehouse? What's father doing there? + +FREDDY. He's--he's sleeping, Vickey. + +ALICE. Sleeping? + +(WILLIE _sits on a chair in front of the counter_.) + +FREDDY. You see, we've a cellar trap in our place that opens in the +pavement and your father--wasn't looking very carefully where he was +going and he fell into it. + +VICKEY. Fell? Is father hurt? (_Up to_ FREDDY.) + +FREDDY. He's snoring very loudly, but he isn't hurt. He fell soft on +some bags. + +MAGGIE. Now you can go for Albert Prosser. + +(FREDDY _moves to doors_. L.) + +ALICE. Is that all we're to be told? + +MAGGIE. It's all there is to tell till Freddy's seen his solicitor. + +FREDDY (_to_ VICKEY). I'll not be long. + +MAGGIE. Don't. I've a job here for you when you get back. + +(FREDDY _goes out_ L.) + +ALICE. I don't know what you're aiming at, Maggie, but-- + +MAGGIE. The difference between us is that I do. I always did. (_Goes_ +L.) + +VICKEY (_indicating_ WILLIE). It's a queer thing you aimed at. (_Moves +up to behind counter_.) + +MAGGIE (_moving up to_ WILL). I've done uncommon well myself, and I've +come here to put things straight for you. Father told you to get married +and you don't shape. + +ALICE. He changed his mind. + +MAGGIE. I don't allow for folks to change their minds. He made his +choice. He said get married, and you're going to. + +VICKEY. You haven't made it easier for us, you know. + +MAGGIE. Meaning Willie? + +WILLIE. It wasn't my fault, Miss Vickey, really it wasn't. + +MAGGIE. You call her Vickey, Will. + +VICKEY. No, he doesn't. (_Drops down stage_ R.) + +MAGGIE. He's in the family or going to be. And I'll tell you this. If +you want your Freddy, and if you want your Albert, you'll be respectful +to my Willie. + +ALICE. Willie Mossop was our boot hand. + +MAGGIE. He was, and you'll let bygones be bygones. He's as good as you +are now, and better. + +WILLIE. Nay, come, Maggie-- + +MAGGIE. Better, I say. They're shop assistants. You're your own master, +aren't you? + +WILLIE. I've got my name wrote up on the windows, but I dunno so much +about being master. + +MAGGIE (_producing card and moving down_ L. _to_ ALICE). That's his +business card, William Mossop, Practical Boot and Shoe Maker, 39a, +Oldfield Road, Salford. William Mossop, Master Bootmaker! That's the man +you're privileged to call by his Christian name. Aye, and I'll do more +for you than let you call him in his name. You can both of you kiss him +for your brother-in-law to be. + +WILLIE (_rising_). Nay, Maggie, I'm no great hand at kissing. + +(VICKEY _and_ ALICE _are much annoyed_.) + +MAGGIE (_dryly_). I've noticed that. A bit of practice will do you no +harm. Come along, Vickey. + +ALICE (_interposing_). But, Maggie ... a shop of your own-- + +MAGGIE (_grimly_). I'm waiting, Vickey. + +WILLIE. I don't see that you ought to drive her to it, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. You hold your hush. (_Crosses_ R. _to_ VICKEY.) + +ALICE. But however did you manage it? Where did the capital come from? + +MAGGIE. It came. Will, stand still. She's making up her mind to it. + +WILLIE. I'd just as lief not put her to the trouble. + +MAGGIE. You'll take your proper place in this family, my lad, trouble or +no trouble. + +VICKEY. I don't see why you should always get your way. + +MAGGIE. It's just a habit. Come along now, Vickey, I've a lot to do +to-day and you're holding everything back. + +VICKEY. It's under protest. + +MAGGIE. Protest, but kiss. + +(VICKEY _goes to and kisses_ WILL, _who finds he rather likes it. +She moves back_ R., _then goes up to case up_ R. _and starts dusting +furiously_.) + +Your turn now, Alice. + +ALICE. I'll do it if you'll help me with these books, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. Books? Father's put you in my place? (_Goes_ L. C.) + +ALICE. Yes. + +MAGGIE. Then he must take the consequences. Your books aren't my affair. + +ALICE. I think you might help me, Maggie. + +(VICKEY _glances back at_ WILL.) + +MAGGIE. I'm surprised at you, Alice, I really am, after what you've +just been told. Exposing your books to a rival shop. You ought to know +better. Will's waiting. And you're to kiss him hearty now. + +ALICE. Very well. (_She moves_ C. _and kisses_ WILL, _then goes back_ +L.) + +WILLIE. There's more in kissing nice young women than I thought. + +MAGGIE. Don't get too fond of it, my lad. (_She goes to him_.) + +ALICE. Well, I hope you're satisfied, Maggie. You've got your way again, +and now perhaps you'll tell us if there's anything you want in this +shop. + +MAGGIE. Eh? Are you trying to sell me something? + +ALICE. I'm asking you, what's your business here? + +MAGGIE. I've told you once. Will and me's taking a day off to put you in +the way of getting wed. + +VICKEY (_moving to back of counter_). It looks like things are slow at +your new shop if you can walk round in your best clothes on a working +day. + +WILLIE. It's not a working day with us. It's a wedding-day. + +ALICE. You've been married this morning! + +MAGGIE. Not us. (_Goes to_ R.) I'll have my sisters there when I get +wed. It's at one o'clock at St. Philip's. (_Sits_ R.) + +VICKEY. But we can't leave the shop to come. + +MAGGIE. Why not? Is trade so brisk? + +VICKEY. No, but-- + +(WILLIE _sits in front of counter_.) + +MAGGIE. Not so much high-class trade doing with you, eh? + +ALICE. I don't see how you knew. + +MAGGIE. I'm good at guessing. You'll not miss owt by coming with us to +church, and we'll expect you at home to-night for a wedding-spread. + +VICKEY. It's asking us to approve. + +MAGGIE. You have approved. You've kissed the bridegroom and you'll go +along with us. Father's safe where he is. (_Rises and crosses_ L.) + +ALICE. And the shop? + +MAGGIE. Tubby can see to the shop. And that reminds me. You _can_ sell +me something. There are some rings in that drawer there, Vickey. + +VICKEY. Brass rings? + +MAGGIE. Yes. I want one. That's the size. (_She holds up her +wedding-ring finger and moves to the counter_.) + +VICKEY. That! But you're not taking it for-- + +(VICKEY _puts box of rings on counter_.) + +MAGGIE. Yes, I am. Will and me aren't throwing money round, but we +can pay our way. There's fourpence for the ring. Gather it up, Vickey. +(_Putting down money and trying on rings_.) + +ALICE. Wedded with a brass ring! + +MAGGIE. This one will do. It's a nice fit. Alice, you haven't entered +that sale in your book. No wonder you're worried with the accounts if +that's the way you see to them. (_She comes down_ L. C. _and puts ring in +her bag_.) + +ALICE. I'm a bit too much astonished at you to think about accounts. A +ring out of stock! + +MAGGIE. They're always out of some one's stock. + +VICKEY. Well, I'd think shame to myself to be married with a ring like +that. + +MAGGIE. When folks can't afford the best they have to do without. + +VICKEY. I'll take good care I never go without. + +MAGGIE. Semi-detached for you, I suppose, and a houseful of new +furniture. + +ALICE. Haven't you furnished? + +MAGGIE. Partly what. We've made a start at the Flat Iron Market. (_Sits_ +L. _of_ WILLIE.) + +ALICE. I'd stay single sooner than have other people's cast-off sticks +in my house. Where's your pride gone to, Maggie? + +MAGGIE. I'm not getting wed myself to help the furnishing trade along. I +suppose you'd turn your nose up at second-hand stuff, too, Vickey? + +VICKEY. I'd start properly or not at all. (_Goes to desk_, L.) + +MAGGIE. Then you'll neither of you have any objections to my clearing +out the lumber-room upstairs. (_Rises_.) We brought a hand-cart round +with us. (_Nudges_ WILL.) + +(WILL _rises and takes his coat off. He has detachable cuffs which he +places carefully on the arm-chair_.) + +VICKEY. You made sure of things. + +MAGGIE. Yes. Get upstairs, Will. I told you what to bring. + +ALICE. Wait a bit. (_Crosses to_ C.) + +MAGGIE. Go on. (_Moves_ R. _slightly_.) + +(WILL _goes into the house_.) + +ALICE. Let me tell you if you claim the furniture from your old +bedroom--(_up to_ MAGGIE),--that it's my room now, and you'll not budge +a stick of it. + +MAGGIE. I expected you'd promote yourself, Alice. But I said +lumber-room. There's a two-three broken chairs in the attic and a sofa +with the springs all gone. You'll not tell me they're of any use to you. + +ALICE. Nor to you, neither. + +MAGGIE. Will's handy with his fingers. He'll put in this afternoon +mending them. They'll be secure against you come to sit on them at +supper-time to-night. + +VICKEY. And that's the way you're going to live! With cast-off +furniture. (_Moves to window_, L.) + +MAGGIE. Aye. In two cellars in Oldfield Road. + +VICKEY _and_ ALICE. A cellar! + +MAGGIE. _Two_ of 'em, Alice. One to live and work in and the other to +sleep in. + +ALICE. Well, it 'ud not suit me. + +VICKEY. Nor me. + +MAGGIE. It suits me fine. And when me and Will are richer than the lot +of you together, it'll be a grand satisfaction to look back and think +about how we were when we began. + +(WILL _appears_ R. _with two crippled chairs and begins to cross the +shop_.) + +VICKEY (_stopping him_). Just a minute, Will. (_She examines the +chairs_.) These chairs are not so bad. + +MAGGIE. You can sit on one to-night and see. + +VICKEY. You know, mended up, those chairs would do very well for my +kitchen when I'm wed. + +ALICE. Yes, or for mine. + +MAGGIE. I reckon my parlour comes afront of your kitchens, though. + +VICKEY. Parlour! I thought you said you'd only one living-room. + +MAGGIE. Then it might as well be called a parlour as by any other +name. (_Crosses to doors_, L., _and opens them_.) Put the chairs on the +hand-cart, Will. + +(WILL _goes out to street_.) + +And as for your kitchens, you've got none yet, and if you want my plan +for you to work, you'll just remember all I'm taking off you is some +crippled stuff that isn't yours and what I'm getting for you is marriage +portions. + +ALICE. What? (_Moves to_ C.) + +VICKEY. Marriage portions, Maggie! + +(FREDDY _re-enters, accompanied by_ ALBERT.) + +MAGGIE (_to_ VICKEY _and_ ALICE). You'd better put your hats on now, or +you'll be late at the church. (_Gets between_ ALICE _and_ VICKEY, C.) + +VICKEY. But aren't we to know first--? + +MAGGIE (_herding them to_ R. _exit_). You'll know all right. Be quick +with your things now. + +(ALICE _and_ VICKEY _go out_ R.) + +MAGGIE (_turns_). Good morning, Albert. (_Goes to him_, L.) Have you got +what Freddy asked you for? + +ALBERT. Yes, but I'm afraid-- + +(WILL _re-enters from street, crosses_ R. _and goes off_.) + +MAGGIE. Never mind being afraid. Freddy, I told you I'd a job here for +you. You go upstairs with Will. There's a sofa to come down. Get your +coat off to it. Now, then, Albert. + +FREDDY. But--(_Moving over to_ R.) + +MAGGIE. I've told you what to do, and you can't do it in your coat. +(_Moves down_ L.) If that sofa isn't here in two minutes, I'll leave the +lot of you to tackle this yourselves and a nice hash you'll make of it. + +(FREDDY _takes his coat off and puts it on a chair in front of the +counter_.) + +FREDDY. All right, Maggie. + +(FREDDY _goes out_ R., ALBERT _produces blue paper. She reads_.) + +MAGGIE (_sitting in arm-chair_, R. C.). Do you call this English? + +ALBERT (_standing_ L. _of her_). Legal English, Miss Hobson. + +MAGGIE. I thought it weren't the sort we talk in Lancashire. What is it +when you've got behind the whereases and the saids and to wits? + +ALBERT. It's what you told Freddy to instruct me. Action against Henry +Horatio Hobson for trespass on the premises of Jonathan Beenstock & Co., +Corn Merchants, of Chapel Street, Salford, with damages to certain corn +bags caused by falling on them and further damages claimed for spying on +the trade secrets of the aforesaid J. B. & Co. + +MAGGIE. Well, I'll take your word that this means that--I shouldn't +have thought it, but I suppose lawyers are like doctors. They've each +a secret language, of their own so that if you get a letter from one +lawyer you've to take it to another to get it read, just like a doctor +sends you to a chemist with a rigmarole that no one else can read, so +they can charge you what they like for a drop of coloured water. + +ALBERT. I've made this out to your instructions, Miss Hobson, but I'm +far from saying it's good law, and I'd not be keen on going into court +with it. + +MAGGIE. Nobody asked you to. It won't come into court. + +(WILL _and_ FREDDY _enter C. with a ramshackle horsehair sofa_.) + +(_Rises_.) Open that door for them, Albert. + +(ALBERT _opens street door. They pass out_.) + +What's the time? You can see the clock from there. + +ALBERT (_outside street door_). It's a quarter to one. + +MAGGIE (_flying to_ R. _door, opening it, and calling_). Girls, if +you're late for my wedding I'll never forgive you. + +(_She turns as_ WILL _and_ FREDDY _return_.) + +Put your coats on. Now, then, Freddy--(_going_ C.),--you take that paper +and put it on _my_ father in _your_ cellar. + +FREDDY. Now? + +MAGGIE. Now? Yes, of course now. He might waken any time. + +FREDDY. He looked fast enough. Aren't I to come to the church? + +MAGGIE. Yes, if you do that quick enough to get there before we're +through. + +FREDDY. All right. (_He goes out_ L., _pocketing the paper_. MAGGIE +_follows him to the door_.) + +MAGGIE. Now there's that hand-cart. Are we to take it with us? + +ALBERT. To church! You can't do that. + +WILLIE. I'll take it home. (_Slight move_.) + +MAGGIE. And have me waiting for you at the church? That's not for me, my +lad. + +ALBERT. You can't very well leave it where it is. + +MAGGIE. No. There's only one thing for it. You'll have to take it to our +place, Albert. + +ALBERT. Me! + +MAGGIE. There's the key. (_Down to_ ALBERT, L., _and hands it from her +bag_.) It's 39a, Oldfield Road. + +ALBERT. Yes, but to push a hand-cart through Salford in broad daylight! + +MAGGIE. It won't dirty your collar. + +ALBERT. Suppose some of my friends see me? + +(_They both move up_ L.) + +MAGGIE. Look here, my lad, if you're too proud to do a job like that, +you're not the husband for my sister. + +ALBERT. It's the look of the thing. Can't you send somebody from here? + +MAGGIE. No. You can think it over. (_She raises trap_.) Tubby! + +TUBBY (_below_). Yes, Miss. (_He appears half-way up trap_.) Why, it's +Miss Maggie! + +MAGGIE. Come up, Tubby. You're in charge of the shop. We'll all be out +for awhile. + +TUBBY. I'll be up in half a minute, Miss Maggie. (_He goes down and +closes trap_.) + +MAGGIE. Well, Albert Prosser? + +ALBERT (_up_ L.). I suppose I must. + +MAGGIE. That's right. We'll call it your wedding gift to me, and I'll +allow you're putting yourself out a bit for me. + +(_Going with him to the door. He goes. She turns and comes to_ C.) + +Well, Will, you've not had much to say for yourself to-day. Howst +feeling, lad? + +WILLIE. I'm going through with it, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. Eh? + +WILLIE. My mind's made up. I've got wrought up to point. I'm ready. + +MAGGIE. It's church we're going to, not the dentist's. + +WILLIE. I know. You get rid of summat at dentist's, but it's taking +summat on to go to church with a wench, and the Lord knows what. + +MAGGIE. Sithee, Will, I've a respect for church. Yon's not the place for +lies. The parson's going to ask you will you have me and you'll either +answer truthfully or not at all. If you're not willing, just say so now, +and-- + +WILLIE. I'll tell him "yea". + +MAGGIE. And truthfully? + +WILLIE. Yes, Maggie. I'm resigned. You're growing on me, lass. I'll toe +the line with you. + +(ALICE _and_ VICKEY _enter_ R. _in their Sunday clothes--the same at +which_ HOBSON _grew indignant in Act I_. MAGGIE _takes_ WILLIE _across +to_ L.) + +ALICE. We're ready, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. And time you were. It's not your weddings that you're dressing +for. (_By trap_.) Come up, Tubby, and keep an eye on things. + +VICKEY. (_to_ WILL). Will, have you got the ring? + +MAGGIE. I have. Do you think I'd trust him to remember? + +(MAGGIE _goes off with_ WILL. VICKEY _and_ ALICE _are following, +laughing_. TUBBY _comes up trap and throws old shoes after them_.) + +CURTAIN. + + +[Illustration] Reddish brick walls. Plaster falling off in places. Very +old square carpet. Fire burning. No ornaments. Tin box on mantelpiece. A +few plates, workbasket and tin boxes on dresser. Shoes, clogs on top +of dresser. Old coloured tablecloth on table. Roll of leather, etc., +at table behind screen. Three hat pegs on wall above fireplace. Lamp on +mantelpiece. + + +ACT III + +_The cellar in Oldfield Road is at once workroom, shop, and living-room. +It is entered from the_ R. _corner by a door at the top of a flight of +some seven stairs. Its three windows are high up at the back--not +shop windows, but simply to give light. Each window has on it "William +Mossop, Practical Bootmaker," reversed as seen from the inside and is +illuminated dimly from outside by a neighbouring street lamp. + +A door_ L. _leads to the bedroom. Up stage_ L. _is a small screen or +partition whose purpose is to conceal the sink. A shoemaker's bench, +leather and tackle are against the wall_, R., _above the fire-place. +Below the door_, L., _is a small dresser. Table_ R. C. _Seating +accommodation consists solely of the sofa and the two chairs taken from_ +HOBSON'S, _now repaired. The sofa is_ L. _of the table, the two chairs_ +R. _Crowded on the sofa are, in order, from down up,_ ALBERT, ALICE, +VICKEY, FRED. + +_As the curtain rises, the four are standing, tea-cups in hand, saying +together "The Bride and Bridegroom." They drink and sit. General +laughter and conversation. On the chair down stage is_ MAGGIE. _From the +other chair_, C., _behind table_, WILL _rises, nervously, and rushes +his little speech like a child who has learnt a lesson. The table has +hot-house flowers (in a basin) and the remains of a meal at which tea +only has been drunk, and the feast is represented by the sections of +a large pork pie and a small wedding cake. As_ WILL _rises_, ALBERT +_hammers on the table_. + +ALICE _suppresses him_. WILLIE. It's a very great pleasure to us to see +you here to-night. It's an honour you do us, and I assure you, speaking +for my--my wife, as well as for myself, that the--the-- + +MAGGIE (_in an undertone_). Generous. + +WILLIE. Oh, aye. That's it. That the generous warmth of the sentiments +so cordially expressed by Mr. Beenstock and so enthusiastically seconded +by--no, I've gotten that wrong road round--expressed by Mr. Prosser and +seconded by Mr. Beenstock--will never be forgotten by either my life +partner or self--and--and I'd like to drink this toast to you in my own +house. Our guests, and may they all be married soon themselves. + +MAGGIE (_rising and drinking with_ WILL). Our guests. + +(WILL _and_ MAGGIE _sit. General laughter and conversation_.) + +ALBERT (_solemnly rising_). In rising to respond-- + +ALICE (_tugging his coat and putting him into his seat_). Sit down. +We've had enough of speeches. I know men fancy themselves when they're +talking, but you've had one turn and you needn't start again. + +ALBERT. But we ought to thank him, Alice. + +ALICE. I dare say. But you'll not speak as well as he did, so we can +leave it with a good wind-up. I'm free to own you took me by surprise, +Will. + +FREDDY. Very neat speech indeed. (_Rising_.) + +VICKEY. Who taught you, Will? + +WILLIE. I've been learning a lot lately. + +ALICE. I thought that speech never came natural from Will. + +MAGGIE. I'm educating him. + +FREDDY. Very apt pupil, I must say. + +MAGGIE. He'll do. Another twenty years and I know which of you three men +'ull be thought most of at the Bank. + +FREDDY. That's looking ahead a bit. + +MAGGIE. I'll admit it needs imagination to see it now. + +ALBERT (_rising and moving slightly_ C.). Well, the start's all +right, you know. Snug little rooms. Shop of your own. And so on. I was +wondering where you raised the capital for this, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. I? You mustn't call it my shop. It's his. + +ALICE. Do you mean to tell me that Willie found the capital? + +MAGGIE. He's the saving sort. + +ALICE. He must be if you've done this out of what father used to pay +him. + +MAGGIE. Well, we haven't. Not altogether. We've had help. + +ALBERT. Ah! + +VICKEY. It's a mystery to me where you got it from. + +MAGGIE. Same place as those flowers, Albert. + +ALBERT. Hot-house flowers, I see. (_He rises and examines them_.) I was +wondering where they came from. + +(VICKEY _and_ FREDDY _smell flowers_.) + +MAGGIE. Same place as the money, Albert. + +ALBERT. Ah! + +ALICE (_rising and following him_, C.). Well, I think we ought to be +getting home, Maggie. + +MAGGIE (_rising, as do the rest_. VICKEY _and_ FREDDY _move up stage_). +I shouldn't marvel. I reckon Tubby's a bit tired of looking after the +shop by now, and if father's wakened up and come in-- + +ALICE. That's it. I'm a bit nervous. + +MAGGIE. He'll have an edge on his temper. Come and put your hats on. + +(_She is going_ L., _with_ ALICE _and_ VICKEY, _then stops_.) + +Willie, we'll need this table when they're gone. You'd better be +clearing the pots away. + +WILLIE (_by table_, R.) Yes, Maggie. + +(MAGGIE _turns to_ L.) + +FREDDY. But--you-- + +ALBERT. Oh, Lord! + +(_They laugh_.) + +MAGGIE (_quite calmly_). And you and Fred can just lend him a hand with +the washing up, Albert. + +FREDDY. Me wash pots! + +VICKEY (_really outraged_). Maggie, we're guests. + +MAGGIE. I know. Only Albert laughed at Willie, and washing up 'ull maybe +make him think on that it's not allowed. + +(_She ushers_ ALICE _and_ VICKEY _out_, L., _and follows_. WILLIE +_begins to put pots on tray which he gets from behind screen, up_ L.) + +ALBERT (_after he and_ FRED _have looked at each other, then at_ WILL, +_then at each other again_). Are you going to wash up pots? + +FREDDY. Are you? + +ALBERT. I look at it like this myself. All being well, you and I are +marrying into this family and we know what Maggie is. If we start giving +in to her now, she'll be a nuisance to us all our lives. + +FREDDY. That's right enough, but there's this plan of hers to get us +married. Are you prepared to work it for us? + +ALBERT. I'm not. Anything but-- + +FREDDY. Then till she's done it we're to keep the sweet side of Maggie. + +ALBERT. But, washing pots! (_Moves down_ L.) + +(_There is a pause. They look at_ WILL, _who has brought the tray from +behind the screen and is now clearing up the table_.) + +FREDDY. What would you do in our place, Will? + +WILLIE. Please yourselves. I'm getting on with what she told me. + +FREDDY. You're married to her. We aren't. + +ALBERT. What do you need the table for in such a hurry? + +WILLIE; Nay, I'm not in any hurry myself. + +FREDDY. Maggie wants it for something. + +WILLIE. It'll be for my lessons, I reckon. She's schooling me. + +FREDDY. And don't you want to learn, then? + +WILLIE (_moves_ C.). 'Tisn't that. I--just don't want to be rude to +you--turning you out so early. I don't see you need to go away so soon. +(_Crosses below table_.) + +ALBERT. Why not? + +WILLIE. I'm fond of a bit of company. + +ALBERT. Do you want company on your wedding night? + +WILLIE. I don't favour your going so soon. (_Crosses_ C. _again_.) + +FREDDY. He's afraid to be alone with her. That's what it is. He's shy of +his wife. + +(_They laugh_.) + +WILLIE. That's a fact. I've not been married before, you see. I've not +been left alone with her, either. Up to now she's been coming round to +where I lodged at Tubby Wadlow's to give me my lessons. It's different +now, and I freely own I'm feeling awkward-like. I'd be deeply obliged if +you would stay on a bit to help to--to thaw the ice for me. + +FREDDY. You've been engaged to her, haven't you? + +WILLIE. Aye, but it weren't for long. And you see, Maggie's not the sort +you get familiar with. + +FREDDY. You had quite long enough to thaw the ice. It's not our job to +do your melting for you. (_Moves away_ R.) + +ALBERT. No. Fred, these pots need washing. We will wash them. + +(ALBERT _carries tray behind screen. Water runs. He is seen flourishing +towels_. FRED _is following when_ WILLIE _calls him back and takes tray +to table_.) + +WILLIE. Fred, would you like it yourself with--with a wench like Maggie? +(_Goes_ R. C.) + +FREDDY. That's not the point. It wasn't me she married. + +WILLIE. It's that being alone with her that worries me, and I did think +you'd stand by a fellow man to make things not so strange at first. + +ALBERT (_coming down, with a dishcloth_). That's not the way we look at +it. Hurry up with those cups, Fred. (_Goes to_ FRED _up stage_ R.) + +(MAGGIE _enters with_ VICKEY _and_ ALICE _in outdoor clothes_.) + +MAGGIE. Have you broken anything yet, Albert? + +ALBERT (_indignantly_). Broken? No. (_Takes cup from tray and wipes +it_.) + +MAGGIE. Too slow to, I expect. + +FREDDY. I must say you don't show much gratitude. + +ALBERT. Aren't you at all surprised to find us doing this? + +MAGGIE. Surprised? I told you to do it. + +FREDDY. Yes, but--(_Takes tray up stage_, L.) + +MAGGIE (_taking towel from him_). You can stop now. I'll finish when +you're gone. (_Moves down_ R.) + +(_Knock at door upstairs_, R.) + +ALICE. Who's that? + +MAGGIE. Some one who can't read, I reckon. You hung that card on door, +Will? + +WILLIE. Aye, it's there. And you wrote it, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. I knew better than to trust to you. "Business suspended for the +day" it says, and they that can't read it can go on knocking. + +HOBSON (_off_ R. _upstairs, after another knock_). Are you in, Maggie? + +VICKEY (_terrified_). It's father! + +(_General consternation_.) + +ALBERT. Oh, Lord! + +MAGGIE. What's the matter? Are you afraid of him? + +FREDDY. Well, I think, all things considered, and seeing-- + +MAGGIE. All right. We'll consider 'em. You can go into the bedroom, the +lot of you.... No, not you, Willie. The rest. I'll shout when I want +you. + +ALICE. When he's gone. + +MAGGIE. It'll be before he's gone. + +(MAGGIE _crosses to_ L. _with them_.) + +VICKEY. But we don't want-- + +MAGGIE. Is this your house or mine? + +VICKEY. It's your cellar. + +MAGGIE. And I'm in charge of it. + +(_The four go into bedroom_. VICKEY _starts to argue_. ALBERT _opens +the door_. VICKEY _and_ ALICE _go out followed by_ FREDDY _and_ ALBERT. +VICKEY _is pushed inside_. WILL _is going to stairs_.) You sit you +still, and don't forget you're gaffer here. I'll open door. (WILLIE +_sits in chair above table_. MAGGIE _goes upstairs and opens the door. +Enter_ HOBSON _to top stair_.) + +HOBSON (_with some slight apology_). Well, Maggie. + +MAGGIE (_uninvitingly_). Well, father. + +HOBSON (_without confidence_). I'll come in. + +MAGGIE (_standing in his way_). Well, I don't know. I'll have to ask the +master about that. + +HOBSON. Eh? The master? + +MAGGIE. You and him didn't part on the best of terms, you know. (_Over +the railings_.) Will, it's my father. Is he to come in? + +WILLIE (_loudly and boldly_). Aye, let him come. + +(HOBSON _comes downstairs_. MAGGIE _closes door behind him and follows_. +HOBSON _stares round at the cellar_.) + +HOBSON. You don't sound cordial about your invitation, young man. + +WILLIE (_rises and goes_ C.). Nay, but I am. (_Shaking hands for a long +time_.) I'm right down glad to see you, Mr. Hobson. (MAGGIE _comes down_ +R.) It makes the wedding-day complete-like, you being her father and +I--I hope you'll see your way to staying a good long while. + +HOBSON. Well-- + +MAGGIE. That's enough, Will. You don't need to overdo it. You can sit +down for five minutes, father. That sofa 'ull bear your weight. It's +been tested. + +(HOBSON _sits on sofa_, R. C. WILLIE _goes back to the chair_, R.) + +WILLIE (_taking up teapot_). There's nobbut tea to drink and I reckon +what's in the pot is stewed, so I'll-- + +MAGGIE (_taking pot off him as he moves to fire-place with it_). You'll +not do owt of sort. Father likes his liquids strong. + +WILLIE (_down_ R. _of table_). A piece of pork pie now, Mr. Hobson? + +HOBSON (_groaning_). Pork pie! + +MAGGIE (_sharply_). You'll be sociable now you're here, I hope. (_She +pours tea at table, top end_.) + +HOBSON. It wasn't sociability that brought me, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. What was it, then? + +HOBSON. Maggie, I'm in disgrace. A sore and sad misfortune's fallen on +me. + +MAGGIE (_cutting_). Happen a piece of wedding cake 'ull do you good. + +HOBSON (_shuddering_). It's sweet. + +MAGGIE. That's natural in cake. + +(MAGGIE _sits in chair above table_.) + +HOBSON. I've gotten such a head. + +MAGGIE. Aye. But wedding cake's a question of heart. There'd be no bride +cakes made at all if we thought first about our heads. I'm quite aware +it's foolishness, but I've a wish to see my father sitting at my table +eating my wedding cake on my wedding-day. + +HOBSON. It's a very serious thing I came about, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. It's not more serious than knowing that you wish us well. + +HOBSON. Well, Maggie, you know my way. When a thing's done it's done. +You've had your way and done what you wanted. I'm none proud of the +choice you made and I'll not lie and say I am, but I've shaken your +husband's hand, and that's a sign for you. The milk's spilt and I'll not +cry. + +MAGGIE (_holding plate_). Then there's your cake, and you can eat it. + +HOBSON. I've given you my word there's no ill feeling. (_Pushes cake +away_.) + +MAGGIE. So now we'll have the deed. (_Pushes it back_.) + +HOBSON. You're a hard woman. (_He eats_.) You've no consideration for +the weakness of old age. + +MAGGIE. Finished? + +HOBSON. Pass me that tea. + +(_She passes: he drinks_.) + +That's easier. + +MAGGIE. Now tell me what it is you came about? + +HOBSON. I'm in sore trouble, Maggie. + +MAGGIE (_rising and going towards door_, L.). Then I'll leave you with +my husband to talk it over. + +HOBSON. Eh? + +MAGGIE. You'll not be wanting me. Women are only in your way. + +HOBSON (_rising and going_ C.). Maggie, you re not going to desert me in +the hour of my need, are you? + +MAGGIE. Surely to goodness you don't want a woman to help you after all +you've said! Will 'ull do his best, I make no doubt. (_She goes towards +door_.) Give me a call when you've finished, Will. + +HOBSON (_following her_). Maggie! It's private. + +MAGGIE. Why, yes. I'm going and you can discuss it man to man with no +fools of women about. + +HOBSON. I tell you I've come to see you, not him. It's private from him. + +MAGGIE. Private from Will? Nay, it isn't. Will's in the family--(_comes +back a little_),--and you've nowt to say to me that can't be said to +him. + +HOBSON. I've to tell you this with him there? + +MAGGIE. Will and me's one. + +WILLIE. Sit down, Mr. Hobson. + +MAGGIE. You call him father now. + +WILLIE (_astonished_). Do I? + +HOBSON. Does he? + +MAGGIE. He does. Sit down, Will. + +(WILL _sits right of table_. MAGGIE _stands at the head of the table_. +HOBSON _sits on sofa_.) + +Now, if you're ready, father, we are. What's the matter? + +HOBSON. That--(_producing the blue paper_)--that's the matter. + +(MAGGIE _accepts and passes it to_ WILL _and goes behind his chair. +He is reading upside down. She bends over chair and turns it right way +up_.) + +MAGGIE. What is it, Will? + +HOBSON (_banging table_). Ruin, Maggie, that's what it is! Ruin and +bankruptcy. Am I vicar's warden at St. Philip's or am I not? Am I Hobson +of Hobson's Boot Shop on Chapel Street, Salford? Am I a respectable +ratepayer and the father of a family or-- + +MAGGIE (_who has been reading over_ WILL'S _shoulder_). It's an action +for damages for trespass, I see. + +HOBSON. It's a stab in the back, it's an unfair, un-English, cowardly +way of taking a mean advantage of a casual accident. + +MAGGIE. Did you trespass? + +HOBSON. Maggie, I say it solemnly, it is all your fault. I had an +accident. I don't deny it. I'd been in the "Moonraker's" and I'd stayed +too long. And why? Why did I stay too long? To try to forget that I'd a +thankless child, to erase from the tablets of memory the recollection +of your conduct. That was the cause of it. And the result, the blasting, +withering result? I fell into that cellar. I slept in that cellar and I +awoke to this catastrophe. Lawyers... law-costs... publicity... ruin. + +MAGGIE (_moving round table to_ C.). I'm still asking you. Was it an +accident? Or did you trespass? + +HOBSON. It's an accident. As plain as Salford Town Hall it's an +accident, but they that live by law have twisted ways of putting things +that make white show as black. I'm in their grip at last. I've kept +away from lawyers all my life, I've hated lawyers, and they've got their +chance to make me bleed for it. I've dodged them, and they've caught me +in the end. They'll squeeze me dry for it. + +WILLIE. My word, and that's summat like a squeeze and all. + +(HOBSON _stares at him_.) + +MAGGIE. I can see it's serious. I shouldn't wonder if you didn't lose +some trade from this. + +HOBSON. Wonder! (_Rising and moving_ C.) It's as certain as Christmas. +My good-class customers are not going to buy their boots from a man +who's stood up in open court and had to acknowledge he was overcome at +12 o'clock in the morning. They'll not remember it was private grief +that caused it all. They'll only think the worse of me because I +couldn't control my daughter better than to let her go and be the cause +of sorrow to me in my age. That's what you've done. Brought this on me, +you two, between you. + +WILLIE. Do you think it will get into the paper, Maggie? + +MAGGIE. Yes, for sure. You'll see your name in the _Salford Reporter_, +father. + +HOBSON. _Salford Reporter_! Yes, and more. When there is ruin and +disaster, and outrageous fortune overwhelms a man of my importance to +the world, it isn't only the _Salford Reporter_ that takes note of it. +This awful cross that's come to me will be recorded in the _Manchester +Guardian_ for the whole of Lancashire to read. + +WILLIE. Eh, by gum, think of that! To have your name appearing in +the _Guardian_! Why, it's very near worth while to be ruined for the +pleasure of reading about yourself in a printed paper. + +HOBSON (_sits sofa_). It's there for others to read besides me, my lad. + +WILLIE. Aye, you're right. I didn't think of that. This 'ull give a +lot of satisfaction to a many I could name. Other people's troubles +is mostly what folks read the paper for, and I reckon it's twice the +pleasure to them when it's trouble of a man they know themselves. (_He +is perfectly simple and has no malicious intention_.) + +HOBSON. To hear you talk it sounds like a pleasure to you. + +WILLIE (_sincerely_). Nay, it's not. You've ate my wedding cake +and you've shook my hand. We're friends, I hope, and I were nobbut +meditating like a friend. I always think it's best to look on the worst +side of things first, then whatever chances can't be worse than you +looked for. There's St. Philip's now. I don't suppose you'll go on being +vicar's warden after this to do, and it brought you a powerful lot of +customers from the church, did that. + +HOBSON (_turning to her_). I'm getting a lot of comfort from your +husband, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. It's about what you deserve. (_Goes to him_.) + +HOBSON. Have you got any more consolation for me, Will? + +WILLIE (_aggrieved_). I only spoke what came into my mind. + +HOBSON. Well, have you spoken it all? + +WILLIE. I can keep my mouth shut if you'd rather. + +HOBSON. Don't strain yourself, Will Mossop. When a man's mind is full of +thoughts like yours, they're better out than in. You let them come, my +lad. They'll leave a cleaner place behind. + +WILLIE. I'm not much good at talking, and I always seem to say wrong +things when I do talk. I'm sorry if my well-meant words don't suit your +taste, but I thought you came here for advice. + +HOBSON. I didn't come to you, you jumped-up cock-a-hooping--(_Rising_.) + +MAGGIE. That 'ull do, father. (_Pushes him down_.) My husband's _trying_ +to help you. + +HOBSON (_glares impatiently for a time, then meekly says_). Yes, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. Now about this accident of yours. + +HOBSON. Yes, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. It's the publicity that you're afraid of most. + +HOBSON. It's being dragged into a court of law at all, me that's voted +right all through my life and been a sound supporter of the Queen and +Constitution. + +MAGGIE. Then we must try to keep it out of court. (_Moves away to_ L. +C.) + +HOBSON (_rising and moving to_ C.). If there are lawyers in Heaven, +Maggie, which I doubt, they may keep cases out of courts there. On earth +a lawyer's job's to squeeze a man and squeeze him where his squirming's +seen the most--in court. + +MAGGIE. I've heard of cases being settled out of court, in private. + +HOBSON. In private? Yes, I dare say, and all the worse for that. It's +done amongst themselves in lawyers' offices behind closed doors so no +one can see they're squeezing twice as hard in private as they'd dare +to do in public. There's some restraint demanded by a public place, but +privately! It'll cost a fortune to settle this in private, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. I make no doubt it's going to cost you something, but you'd +rather do it privately than publicly? + +HOBSON (_coming back to sofa and sitting again_). If only it were not a +lawyer's office. + +MAGGIE. You can settle it with the lawyer out of his office. You can +settle with him here. + +(_She goes_ L. _and opens door. Then comes down_ L.) Albert! + +(_Enter_ ALBERT, _who leaves door open. He comes_ C.) + +This is Mr. Prosser, of Prosser, Pilkington, and Prosser. + +HOBSON (_amazed_). He is! + +MAGGIE. Yes. + +HOBSON (_incredulously, rising_). You're a lawyer! + +ALBERT. Yes, I'm a lawyer. + +HOBSON (_with disgust almost too deep for words_). At your age! + +MAGGIE (_going up to door_). Come out, all of you. (_She moves to top +end of table_.) + +(_There is reluctance inside, then_ VICKEY, ALICE _and_ FRED _enter and +stand in a row_, L.) + +HOBSON. Alice! Vickey! + +MAGGIE. Family gathering. This is Mr. Beenstock, of Beenstock & Co. + +FREDDY. How do you do? + +HOBSON. What! Here! + +(_The situation is plainly beyond his mused brain's capacity_.) + +MAGGIE. When you've got a thing to settle, you need all the parties to +be present. + +HOBSON. But there are so many of them. Where have they all come from? + +MAGGIE. My bedroom. + +HOBSON. Your--? Maggie, I wish you'd explain before my brain gives way. + +MAGGIE. It's quite simple. I got them here because I expected you. + +HOBSON. You expected me! + +MAGGIE. Yes. You're in trouble. + +HOBSON (_shaking his head, then as if finding an outlet, pouncing on_ +ALICE). What's it got to do with Alice and Vickey? What are they doing +here ? What's happening to the shop? (_Moves_ C.) + +ALICE. Tubby Wadlow's looking after it. + +HOBSON. And is it Tubby's job to look after the shop? + +VICKEY. He'd got no other job. The shop's so slack since Maggie left. + +HOBSON (_swelling with rage_). And do you run that shop? Do you give +orders there? Do you decide when you can put your hats on and walk out +of it? + +MAGGIE. They come out because it's my wedding-day, father. It's reason +enough, and Will and me 'ull do the same for them. We'll close the shop +and welcome on their wedding-days. + +HOBSON. Their wedding-days! That's a long time off. It'll be many a +year before there's another wedding in this family, I give you my word. +(_Turns to_ MAGGIE.) One daughter defying me is quite enough. + +ALBERT. Hadn't we better get to business, sir? + +HOBSON (_turning on him_). Young man, don't abuse a noble word. You're +a lawyer. By your own admission you're a lawyer. Honest men live by +business and lawyers live by law. + +ALBERT. In this matter, sir, I am following the instructions of my +client, Mr. Beenstock, and the remark you have just let fall, before +witnesses, appears to me to bear a libellous reflection on the action of +my client. + +HOBSON. What! So it's libel now. Isn't trespass and... and spying on +trade secrets enough for you, you blood-sucking--(_To_ ALBERT.) + +ALBERT. One moment, Mr. Hobson. You can call me what you like-- + +HOBSON. And I shall. You-- + +ALBERT. But I wish to remind you, in your own interests, that abuse of +a lawyer is remembered in the costs. Now, my client tells me he is +prepared to settle this matter out of court. Personally, I don't advise +him to, because we should probably get higher damages in court. But Mr. +Beenstock has no desire to be vindictive. He remembers your position, +your reputation for respectability, and-- + +HOBSON. How much? + +ALBERT. Er--I beg your pardon? + +HOBSON. I'm not so fond of the sound of your voice as you are. What's +the figure? + +ALBERT. The sum we propose, which will include my ordinary costs, but +not any additional costs incurred by your use of defamatory language to +me, is one thousand pounds. + +HOBSON. What! + +MAGGIE. It isn't. + +HOBSON. One thousand pounds for tumbling down a cellar! Why, I might +have broken my leg. (_Moves away to_ R.) + +ALBERT. That is in the nature of an admission, Mr. Hobson. Our flour +bags saved your legs from fracture and I am therefore inclined to add to +the sum I have stated a reasonable estimate of the doctor's bill we +have saved you by protecting your legs with our bags. (_Turns towards_ +FREDDY.) + +(HOBSON _sits_ R.) + +MAGGIE. Eh, Albert Prosser, I can see you're going to get on in the +world, but you needn't be greedy here. That one thousand's too much. +(_Comes_ C.) + +ALBERT. We thought-- + +MAGGIE. Then you can think again. + +FREDDY. But-- + +MAGGIE. If there are any more signs of greediness from you two, +there'll be a counter-action for personal damages due to your criminal +carelessness in leaving your cellar flap open. + +HOBSON. (_rising_). Maggie, you've saved me. I'll bring that action. +I'll show them up. + +MAGGIE. You're not damaged, and one lawyer's quite enough. But he'll +be more reasonable now. I know perfectly well what father can afford to +pay, and it's not a thousand pounds nor anything like a thousand pounds. + +HOBSON. Not so much of your can't afford, Maggie. You'll make me out a +pauper. + +MAGGIE (_turns to HOBSON_). You can afford 500 pounds and you're going +to pay 500 pounds. + +HOBSON. Oh, but... there's a difference between affording and paying. + +MAGGIE. You can go to the courts and be reported in the papers if you +like. (_Moves to above table_, R.C.) + +HOBSON. It's the principle I care about. I'm being beaten by a lawyer. + +VICKEY (_going to_ HOBSON). Father, dear, how can you be beaten when +they wanted a thousand pounds and you're only going to give 500 pounds? + +HOBSON. I hadn't thought of that. + +VICKEY. It's they who are beaten. + +HOBSON. I'd take a good few beatings myself at the price, Vickey. Still, +I want this keeping out of court. + +ALBERT. Then we can take it as settled? + +HOBSON. Do you want to see the money before you believe me? Is that your +nasty lawyer's way? + +ALBERT. Not at all, Mr. Hobson. Your word is as good as your bond. +(_Moves back_ L.) + +VICKEY. It's settled! It's settled! Hurrah! Hurrah! (_Moves_ L. _to_ +FREDDY.) + +HOBSON. Well, I don't see what you have to cheer about, Vickey. I'm not +to be dragged to public scorn, but you know this is a tidy bit of money +to be going out of the family. (_Sits sofa_, R. C.) + +MAGGIE. It's not going out of the family, father. (_Moves up_ R.) + +HOBSON. I don't see how you make it out. + +MAGGIE. Their wedding-day is not so far off as you thought, now there's +the half of five hundred pounds apiece for them to make a start on. + +(ALBERT _and_ ALICE, FRED _and_ VICKEY _stand arm in arm_, L.) HOBSON. +You mean to tell me-- + +MAGGIE. You won't forget you've passed your word, will you father? + +HOBSON (_rising_). I've been diddled. (_Moves_ C.) It's a plant. It-- + +MAGGIE. It takes two daughters off your hands at once, and clears your +shop of all the fools of women that used to lumber up the place. + +ALICE. It will be much easier for you without us in your way, father. + +HOBSON. Aye, and you can keep out of my way and all. Do you hear that, +all of you? + +VICKEY. Father...! + +HOBSON (_picking up his hat_). I'll run that shop with men and--and I'll +show Salford how it should be run. Don't you imagine there'll be room +for you when you come home crying and tired of your fine husbands. I'm +rid of ye, and it's a lasting riddance, mind. I'll pay this money, +that you've robbed me of, and that's the end of it. All of you. You, +especially, Maggie. I'm not blind yet, and I can see who 'tis I've got +to thank for this. (_He goes to foot of stairs_.) + +MAGGIE. Don't be vicious, father. + +HOBSON. Will Mossop, I'm sorry for you. (_Over banisters_.) Take you for +all in all, you're the best of the bunch. You're a backward lad, but you +know your trade and it's an honest one. + +(HOBSON _is going up the stairs_.) + +ALICE. So does my Albert know his trade. (_Goes_ R. C.) + +HOBSON (_half-way up-stairs_). I'll grant you that. He knows his trade. +He's good at robbery. (ALICE _shows great indignation_.) And I've to +have it on my conscience that my daughter's wed a lawyer and an employer +of lawyers. + +VICKEY. It didn't worry your conscience to keep us serving in the shop +at no wages. + +HOBSON. I kept you, didn't I? It's some one else's job to victual you +in future. Aye, you may grin, you two, but girls don't live on air. Your +penny buns 'ull cost you tuppence now--and more. Wait, till the families +begin to come. Don't come to me for keep, that's all. (_Going_.) + +ALICE. Father! + +HOBSON (_turning_). Aye. You may father me. But that's a piece of work +I've finished with. I've done with fathering, and they're beginning it. +They'll know what marrying a woman means before so long. They're putting +chains upon themselves and I have thrown the shackles off. I've suffered +thirty years and more and I'm a free man from to-day. Lord, what a thing +you're taking on! You poor, poor wretches. You're red-nosed robbers, but +you're going to pay for it. + +(_He opens door and exits_ R.) + +MAGGIE (_coming_ C.). You'd better arrange to get married quick. Alice +and Vickey will have a sweet time with him. + +FREDDY. Can they go home at all! + +MAGGIE. Why not? + +FREDDY. After what he said? + +MAGGIE. He'll not remember half of it. He's for the "Moonraker's" +now--if there's time. What is the time? + +ALBERT. Time we were going, Maggie--(_going to her_, C.);--you'll be +glad to see the back of us. (_He shows_ MAGGIE _his watch_.) + +WILLIE. No. No. (_Rising_.) I wouldn't dream of asking you to go. + +MAGGIE (_moving up to get hats_). Then I would. It's high time we turned +you out. There are your hats. + +(_She gets_ ALBERT'S _and_ FRED'S _hats from rack_, R.) + +Good night. + +(ALBERT _and_ FREDDY _go upstairs_. MAGGIE _comes back_, C.) + +Good night, Vickey. + +VICKEY (_with a quick kiss_). Good night, Maggie. + +(VICKEY _goes upstairs. She and_ FREDDY _go out_.) + +MAGGIE. Good night, Alice. + +ALICE. Good night, Maggie. (_The same quick kiss_.) And thank you. + +MAGGIE. Oh, that! (_She goes with her to stairs_.) I'll see you again +soon, only don't come round here too much, because Will and me's going +to be busy and you'll maybe find enough to do yourselves with getting +wed. + +ALICE. I dare say. (_Upstairs_.) + +(_The general exit is continuous, punctuated with laughter and merry +"Good nights!"_) + +MAGGIE. Send us word when the day is. + +ALBERT. We'll be glad to see you at the wedding. + +MAGGIE. We'll come to that. You'll be too grand for us afterwards. + +ALBERT. Oh, no, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. Well, happen we'll be catching up with you before so long. We're +only starting here. Good night. + +ALBERT & ALICE Good night, Maggie. + +(_They go out, closing door_. MAGGIE _turns to_ WILL, _putting her hands +on his shoulders. He starts_.) + +MAGGIE. Now you've heard what I've said of you to-night. In twenty years +you're going to be thought more of than either of your brothers-in-law. + +WILLIE. I heard you say it, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. And we're to make it good. I'm not a boaster, Will. And it's to +be in less than twenty years, and all. + +WILLIE. Well, I dunno. They've a long start on us. + +MAGGIE. And you've got me. Your slate's in the bedroom. Bring it out. +I'll have this table clear by the time you come back. + +(_She moves round to_ R. _of table and hustles off the last remains of +the meal, putting the flowers on the mantel and takes off cloth, placing +it over the back of the chair_, R. WILL _goes to bedroom and returns +with a slate and slate pencil. The slate is covered with writing. He +puts it on table_.) + +MAGGIE. Off with your Sunday coat now. You don't want to make a mess of +that. + +(_He takes coat off and gets rag from behind screen and brings it back +to table. He hangs his coat on a peg_, R.) + +What are you doing with that mopping rag? + +WILLIE. I was going to wash out what's on the slate. + +MAGGIE. Let me see it first. That's what you did last night at Tubby's +after I came here? + +WILLIE. Yes, Maggie. + +MAGGIE (_sitting at table up_ R. C., _reading_). "There is always room +at the top." (_Washing it out_.) Your writing's improving, Will. I'll +set you a short copy for to-night, because it's getting late and we've +a lot to do in the morning. (_Writing_.) "Great things grow from small." +Now, then, you can sit down here and copy that! + +(_He takes her place at the table_. MAGGIE _watches a moment, then goes +to fire-place and fingers the flowers_.) + +I'll put these flowers of Mrs. Hepworth's behind the fire, Will. We'll +not want litter in the place come working time to-morrow. + +(_She takes up basin, stops, looks at_ WILL, _who is bent over his +slate, and takes a flower out, throwing the rest behind the fire and +going to bedroom with the one_.) + +WILLIE (_looking up_). You're saving one. + +MAGGIE (_caught in an act of sentiment and apologetically_). I thought +I'd press it in my Bible for a keepsake, Will. I'm not beyond liking to +be reminded of this day. + +(_She looks at screen and yawns_.) + +Lord, I'm tired. I reckon I'll leave those pots till morning. It's a +slackish way of starting, but I don't get married every day. + +WILLIE (_industrious at his slate_). No. + +MAGGIE. I'm for my bed. You finish that copy before you come. + +WILLIE. Yes, Maggie. + +(_Exit_ MAGGIE _to bedroom, with the flower. She closes door_. WILL +_copies, repeats letters and words as he writes them slowly, finishes, +then rises and rakes out fire. He looks shyly at bedroom door, sits +and takes his boots off. He rises, boots in hand, moves towards door, +hesitates, and turns back, puts boots down at door, then returns to +table and takes off his collar. Then hesitates again, finally makes up +his mind, puts out light, and lies down on sofa with occasional glances +at the bedroom door. At first he faces the fire. He is uncomfortable. +He turns over and faces the door. In a minute_ MAGGIE _opens the bedroom +door. She has a candle and is in a plain calico night-dress. She comes +to_ WILL, _shines the light on him, takes him by the ear, and returns +with him to bedroom_). + +CURTAIN. + +[Illustration.] Red papered chamber of an old-fashioned design. +Antimacassars on chairs. All sorts of china ornaments. Dogs, vases, +artificial flowers, lace curtains on window, books, boot boxes, cushions +with lace covers, fire lit. Gas brackets each side of mantelpiece. Old +pictures, velvet-framed views. + + + +ACT IV + +_The scene represents_ HOBSON'S _living-room, the door to which was seen +in Act I. From inside the room that door is now seen to be at the left, +the opposite wall having the fire-place and another door to the house. + +It is eight o'clock on a morning a year later. + +In front of the fire-place is a horsehair arm-chair. Chairs to match are +at the table. There are coloured prints of Queen Victoria and the Prince +Consort on the walls on each side of the door at the back, and a plain +one of Lord Beaconsfield over the fire-place. Antimacassars abound, and +the decoration is quaintly ugly. It is an overcrowded, "cosy" room_. +HOBSON _is quite contented with it, and doesn't realize that it is at +present very dirty. + +There is probably a kitchen elsewhere, but_ TUBBY WADLOW _is cooking +bacon at the fire. He is simultaneously laying breakfast for one on +the table. At both proceedings he is a puzzled and incompetent amateur. +Presently the left door opens, and_ JIM HEELER _appears_. + +JIM (_crossing_). I'll go straight up to him, Tubby. + +TUBBY (_checking him_). He's getting up, Mr. Heeler. + +JIM. Getting up! Why, you said-- + +TUBBY. I told you what he told me to tell you. Run for Doctor +MacFarlane, he said. And I ran for Doctor MacFarlane. Now go to Mr. +Heeler, he said, and tell him I'm very ill, and I came and told you. +Then he said he would get up, and I was to have his breakfast ready for +him, and he'd see you down here. (_Goes to fire_, R.) + +JIM (_moving towards door up_ R.). Nonsense, Tubby. Of course, I'll go +up to him. + +TUBBY. You know what he is, sir. I'll get blamed if you go, and he's +short-tempered this morning. + +JIM. I don't want to get you into trouble, Tubby. (_He sits_ R. _of +table_.) + +TUBBY. Thank you, Mr. Heeler. (_Puts bacon on plate and plate down on +the hearth_.) + +JIM. I quite thought it was something serious. + +TUBBY. If you ask me, it is. (_Coming back to table_.) + +JIM. Which way? + +TUBBY (_cutting bread_). Every way you look at it. Mr. Hobson's not his +own old self, and the shop's not its own old self, and look at me. Now +I ask you, Mr. Heeler, man to man, is this work for a foreman shoe hand? +Cooking and laying tables and-- + +JIM. By all accounts there's not much else for you to do. + +TUBBY. There's better things than being a housemaid, if it's only making +clogs. (_Crosses to fire to toast_.) + +JIM. They tell me clogs are a cut line. + +TUBBY. Well, what are you to do? There's nothing else wanted. (_Turns_.) +Hobson's in a bad way, and I'm telling no secret when I say it. It's a +fact that's known. + +JIM. It's a thousand pities with an old-established trade like this. + +TUBBY. And who's to blame? + +JIM. I don't think you ought to discuss that with me, Tubby. + +TUBBY. Don't you? I'm an old servant of the master's, and I'm sticking +to him now when everybody's calling me a doting fool because I don't +look after Tubby Wadlow first, and if that don't give me the right to +say what I please, I don't know. It's temper's ruining this shop, Mr. +Heeler. Temper and obstinacy. + +JIM. They say in Chapel Street it's Willie Mossop. + +TUBBY. Willie's a good lad, though I say it that trained him. He hit us +hard, did Willie, but we'd have got round that in time. With care, you +understand, and tact. Tact. That's what the gaffer lacks. Miss Maggie, +now ... well, she's a marvel, aye, a fair knock-out. Not slavish, mind +you. Stood up to the customers all the time, but she'd a way with her +that sold the goods and made them come again for more. Look at us now. +Men assistants in the shop. + +JIM. Cost more than women. + +TUBBY. Cost? They'd be dear at any price. Look here, Mr. Heeler, take +yourself. When you go to buy a pair of boots do you like to be tried on +by a man or a nice soft young woman? + +JIM. Well-- + +TUBBY. There you are. Stands to reason. It's human nature. + +JIM. But there are two sides to that, Tubby. Look at the other. + +TUBBY. Ladies? + +JIM. Yes. + +TUBBY. Ladies that are ladies wants trying on by their own sex, and +them that aren't buys clogs. It's the good-class trade that pays, and +Hobson's have lost it. + +(_Enter_ HOBSON _up_ R., _unshaven, without collar. He comes down stage +between them_.) + +JIM (_with cheerful sympathy_). Well, Henry! + +HOBSON (_with acute melancholy and self-pity_). Oh, Jim! Oh, Jim! Oh, +Jim! + +TUBBY. Will you sit on the arm-chair by the fire or at the table? + +HOBSON. The table? Breakfast? Bacon? Bacon, and I'm like this. + +(JIM _assists him to arm-chair_.) + +JIM. When a man's like this he wants a woman about the house, Henry. + +HOBSON (_sitting_). I'll want then. + +TUBBY. Shall I go for Miss Maggie, sir?--Mrs. Mossop, I mean. + +JIM. I think your daughters should be here. + +HOBSON. They should. Only they're not. They're married, and I'm deserted +by them all and I'll die deserted, then perhaps they'll be sorry for the +way they've treated me. Tubby, have you got no work to do in the shop? + +TUBBY. I might find some if I looked hard. + +HOBSON. Then go and look. And take that bacon with you. I don't like the +smell. + +TUBBY (_getting bacon_). Are you sure you wouldn't like Miss Maggie +here? I'll go for her and--(_He holds the bacon very close to_ HOBSON'S +_face_.) + +HOBSON. Oh, go for her. Go for the devil. What does it matter who you go +for? I'm a dying man. + +(TUBBY _takes bacon and goes out_ L.) + +JIM. What's all this talk about dying, Henry? + +HOBSON. Oh, Jim! Oh, Jim! I've sent for the doctor. We'll know soon how +near the end is. + +JIM. Well, this is very sudden. (_Sits chair,_ R.) You've never been ill +in your life. + +HOBSON. It's been saved up, and all come now at once. + +JIM. What are your symptoms, Henry? + +HOBSON. I'm all one symptom, head to foot. I'm frightened of myself, +Jim. That's worst. You would call me a clean man, Jim? + +JIM. Clean? Of course I would. Clean in body and mind. + +HOBSON. I'm dirty now. I haven't washed this morning. Couldn't face the +water. The only use I saw for water was to drown myself. The same with +shaving. I've thrown my razor through the window. Had to or I'd have cut +my throat. + +JIM. Oh, come, come. + +HOBSON. It's awful. I'll never trust myself again. I'm going to grow a +beard--if I live. + +JIM. You'll cheat the undertaker, Henry, but I fancy a doctor could +improve you. What do you reckon is the cause of it now? + +HOBSON. "Moonraker's." + +JIM. You don't think-- + +HOBSON. I don't think. I know. I've seen it happen to others, but I +never thought that it would come to me. + +JIM. Nor me, neither. You're not a toper, Henry. I grant you're regular, +but you don't exceed. It's a hard thing if a man can't take a drop of +ale without its getting back at him like this. Why, it might be my turn +next. + +(TUBBY _enters_ L., _showing in_ DOCTOR MACFARLANE, _a domineering +Scotsman of fifty_.) + +TUBBY. Here's Doctor MacFarlane. (_Exit_ TUBBY.) + +DOCTOR. Good morning, gentlemen. Where's my patient? (_He puts hat on +table_.) + +JIM (_speaking without indicating_ HOBSON). Here. (_He does not rise_.) + +DOCTOR. Here? Up? + +HOBSON. Looks like it. + +DOCTOR. And for a patient who's downstairs I'm made to rise from my bed +at this hour? + +JIM. It's not so early as all that. + +DOCTOR. But I've been up all night, sir. Young woman with her first. Are +you Mr. Hobson? + +JIM (_quickly_). Certainly not. I'm not ill. + +DOCTOR. Hum. Not much to choose between you. You've both got your fate +written on your faces. + +JIM. Do you mean that I--? (_Rises_.) + +DOCTOR. I mean he has and you will. + +HOBSON. Doctor, will you attend to me? + +(JIM _moves round_ HOBSON'S _arm-chair to up stage and then to_ L. _of +table_.) + +DOCTOR. Yes. Now, sir. (_He sits by him and holds his wrist_.) + +HOBSON. I've never been in a bad way before this morning. Never wanted a +doctor in my life. + +DOCTOR. You've needed. But you've not sent. + +HOBSON. But this morning-- + +DOCTOR. I ken--well. + +HOBSON. What! You know! + +DOCTOR. Any fool would ken. + +HOBSON. Eh? + +DOCTOR. Any fool but one fool and that's yourself. + +HOBSON. You're damned polite. + +DOCTOR. If ye want flattery, I dare say ye can get it from your friend. +I'm giving you ma medical opinion. + +HOBSON. I want your opinion on my complaint, not on my character. + +DOCTOR. Your complaint and your character are the same. + +HOBSON. Then you'll kindly separate them and you'll tell me-- + +DOCTOR (_rising and taking up hat_). I'll tell you nothing, sir. I don't +diagnose as my patients wish, but as my intellect and sagacity direct. +Good morning to you. (_Turns_ L.) + +JIM (_meeting him below table_). But you have not diagnosed. + +DOCTOR. Sir, if I am to interview a patient in the presence of a third +party, the least that third party can do is to keep his mouth shut. + +JIM. After that, there's only one thing for it. He shifts or I do. + +HOBSON. You'd better go, Jim. + +JIM. There are other doctors, Henry. + +HOBSON. I'll keep this one. I've got to teach him a lesson. Scotchmen +can't come over Salford lads this road. + +JIM. If that's it, I'll leave you. + +HOBSON. That's it. I can bully as well as a foreigner. + +(JIM _goes out_ L.) + +DOCTOR. That's better, Mr. Hobson. (_He puts hat down and comes back_ +R.) + +HOBSON. If I'm better, you've not had much to do with it. + +DOCTOR. I think my calculated rudeness-- + +HOBSON. If you calculate your fees at the same rate as your rudeness, +they'll be high. + +DOCTOR. I calculate by time, Mr. Hobson, so we'd better get to business. +Will you unbutton your shirt? + +HOBSON (_doing it_). No hanky-panky now. + +DOCTOR (_ignoring his remark and examining_). Aye. It just confirms ma +first opinion. Ye've had a breakdown this A.M.? + +HOBSON. You might say so. + +DOCTOR. Melancholic? Depressed? + +HOBSON (_buttoning shirt_). Question was whether the razor would beat +me, or I'd beat razor. I won, that time. The razor's in the yard. But +I'll never dare to try shaving myself again. + +DOCTOR. And do you seriously require me to tell you the cause, Mr. +Hobson? + +HOBSON. I'm paying thee brass to tell me. + +DOCTOR. Chronic alcoholism, if you know that what means. + +HOBSON. Aye. + +DOCTOR. A serious case. + +HOBSON. I know it's serious. What do you think you're here for? It isn't +to tell me something I know already. It's to cure me. + +DOCTOR. Very well. I will write you a prescription. (_Produces notebook. +Sits at table and writes with copying pencil_.) + +HOBSON. Stop that! + +DOCTOR. I beg your pardon? + +HOBSON. I won't take it. None of your druggist's muck for me. I'm +particular about what I put into my stomach. + +DOCTOR. Mr. Hobson, if you don't mend your manners, I'll certify you for +a lunatic asylum. Are you aware that you've drunk yourself within six +months of the grave? You'd a warning this morning that any sane man +would listen to and you're going to listen to it, sir. + +HOBSON. By taking your prescription? + +DOCTOR. Precisely. You will take this mixture, Mr. Hobson, and you will +practise total abstinence for the future. + +HOBSON. You ask me to give up my reasonable refreshment! + +DOCTOR. I forbid alcohol absolutely. (_Starts writing_.) + +HOBSON. Much use your forbidding is. I've had my liquor for as long as I +remember, and I'll have it to the end. If I'm to be beaten by beer I'll +die fighting, and I'm none practising unnatural teetotalism for the sake +of lengthening out my unalcoholic days. Life's got to be worth living +before I'll live it. + +DOCTOR (_rising and taking hat again_). If that's the way you talk, my +services are of no use to you. (_Moves down_ L.) + +HOBSON. They're not. I'll pay you on the nail for this. (_Rising and +sorting money from pocket_.) + +DOCTOR. I congratulate you on the impulse, Mr. Hobson. + +HOBSON. Nay, it's a fair deal, doctor. I've had value. You've been a +tonic to me. When I got up I never thought to see the "Moonraker's" +again, but I'm ready for my early morning draught this minute. (_Holds +out money_.) + +DOCTOR (_putting hat down, moving to_ HOBSON _and talking earnestly_). +Man, will ye no be warned? Ye pig-headed animal, alcohol is poison to +ye, deadly, virulent with a system in the state yours is. + +HOBSON. You're getting warm about it. Will you take your fee? (_Holding +out money_.) + +DOCTOR. Yes. When I've earned it. Put it in your pocket, Mr. Hobson. I +hae na finished with ye yet. + +HOBSON. I thought you had. (_Sits again_.) + +DOCTOR (_up to_ HOBSON, R.). Do ye ken that ye're defying me? Ye'll die +fighting, will ye? Aye, it's a gay, high-sounding sentiment, ma mannie, +but ye'll no dae it, do ye hear? Ye'll no slip from me now. I've got +ma grip on ye. Ye'll die sober, and ye'll live the longest time ye can +before ye die. Have ye a wife, Mr. Hobson? + +(HOBSON _points upwards_.) + +In bed? + +HOBSON. Higher than that. + +DOCTOR. It's a pity. A man like you should keep a wife handy. + +HOBSON. I'm not so partial to women. + +DOCTOR. Women are a necessity, sir. Have ye no female relative that can +manage ye? + +HOBSON. Manage? + +DOCTOR. Keep her thumb firm on ye? + +HOBSON. I've got three daughters, Doctor MacFarlane, and they tried to +keep their thumbs on me. + +DOCTOR. Well? Where are they? + +HOBSON. Married--and queerly married. + +DOCTOR. You drove them to it. + +HOBSON. They all grew uppish. Maggie worst of all. + +DOCTOR. Maggie? Then I'll tell ye what ye'll do, Mr. Hobson. You will +get Maggie back. At any price. At all costs to your pride, as your +medical man I order you to get Maggie back. (_Movement from_ HOBSON.) I +don't know Maggie, but I prescribe her, and--damn ye, sir, are ye going +to defy me again? + +HOBSON. I tell you I won't have it. + +DOCTOR. You'll have to have it. You're a dunderheaded lump of obstinacy, +but I've taken a fancy to ye and I decline to let ye kill yeself. + +HOBSON. I've escaped from the thraldom of women once, and-- + +DOCTOR. And a pretty mess you've made of your liberty. Now this Maggie +ye mention--if ye'll tell me where she's to be found, I'll just step +round and have a crack with her maself, for I've gone beyond the sparing +of a bit of trouble over ye. + +HOBSON. You'll waste your time. + +DOCTOR. I'll cure you, Mr. Hobson. (_Crosses to_ C. _and turns_.) + +HOBSON. She won't come back. + +DOCTOR. Oh. Now that's a possibility. If she's a sensible body I concur +with your opinion she'll no come back, but women are a soft-hearted race +and she'll maybe take pity on ye after all. + +HOBSON. I want no pity. + +DOCTOR. If she's the woman that I take her for ye'll get no pity. Ye'll +get discipline. + +(HOBSON _rises and tries to speak_.) + +Don't interrupt me, sir. I'm talking. + +HOBSON. I've noticed it. (_Sits_.) + +DOCTOR. You asked me for a cure, and Maggie's the name of the cure you +need. Maggie, sir, do you hear? Maggie! + +(_Enter_ MAGGIE L., _in outdoor clothes_.) + +MAGGIE. What about me? + +DOCTOR (_staggered, then_). Are you Maggie? + +MAGGIE. I'm Maggie. + +DOCTOR. Ye'll do. + +HOBSON (_getting his breath_). What are you doing under my roof? + +MAGGIE. I've come because I was fetched. (_Coming_ C.) + +HOBSON. Who fetched you? + +MAGGIE. Tubby Wadlow. + +HOBSON (_rising_). Tubby can quit my shop this minute. + +DOCTOR (_putting him back_). Sit down, Mr. Hobson. + +MAGGIE. He said you're dangerously ill. + +DOCTOR. He is. I'm Doctor MacFarlane. (_Coming_ C.) Will you come and +live here again? + +MAGGIE. I'm married. + +DOCTOR. I know that, Mrs.-- + +MAGGIE. Mossop. + +DOCTOR. Your father's drinking himself to death, Mrs. Mossop. + +HOBSON. Look here, Doctor, what's passed between you and me isn't for +everybody's ears. + +DOCTOR. I judge your daughter's not the sort to want the truth wrapped +round with a feather-bed for fear it hits her hard. + +MAGGIE (_nodding appreciatively_). Go on. I'd like to hear it all. +(_Goes to and sits in chair_ R. _of table_.) + +HOBSON. Just nasty-minded curiosity. + +DOCTOR. I don't agree with you, Mr. Hobson. If Mrs. Mossop is to +sacrifice her own home to come to you, she's every right to know the +reason why. + +HOBSON. Sacrifice! If you saw her home you'd find another word than +that. Two cellars in Oldfield Road. + +MAGGIE. I'm waiting, Doctor. + +DOCTOR. I've a constitutional objection to seeing patients slip through +ma fingers when it's avoidable, Mrs. Mossop, and I'll do ma best for +your father, but ma medicine will na do him any good without your +medicine to back me up. He needs a tight hand on him all the time. + +MAGGIE. I've not same chance I had before I married. + +DOCTOR. Ye'll have no chance at all unless ye come and live here. I +willna talk about the duty of a daughter because I doubt he's acted +badly by ye, but on the broad grounds of humanity, it's saving life if +ye'll come-- + +MAGGIE. I might. + +DOCTOR. Nay, but will ye? + +MAGGIE. You've told me what you think. The rest's my business. (_Rises +and goes_ L.) + +HOBSON. That's right, Maggie. (_To_ DOCTOR.) That's what you get for +interfering with folks' private affairs. So now you can go, with your +tail between your legs, Doctor MacFarlane. + +DOCTOR. On the contrary, I am going, Mr. Hobson, with the profound +conviction that I leave you in excellent hands. (R. _of table_.) One +prescription is on the table, Mrs. Mossop. The other two are total +abstinence and--you. + +MAGGIE (_nodding amiably_). Good morning. + +DOCTOR. Good morning. + +(_Exit_ DOCTOR L. MAGGIE _picks up prescription and follows to door_, +L.) MAGGIE. Tubby! + +(_She stands by door_, TUBBY _just enters inside it_.) + +Go round to Oldfield Road and ask my husband to come here and get this +made up at Hallow's on your way back. + +TUBBY. Yes, Miss--Mrs. Mossop. + +MAGGIE. Tell Mr. Mossop that I want him quick. + +(TUBBY _nods and goes_. MAGGIE _goes_ R.) + +HOBSON. Maggie, you know I can't be an abstainer. A man of my habits. At +my time of life. + +MAGGIE. You can if I come here to make you. + +HOBSON. Are you coming? + +MAGGIE. I don't know yet. I haven't asked my husband. + +HOBSON. You ask Will Mossop! Maggie, I'd better thoughts of you. Making +an excuse like that to me. If you want to come you'll come so what Will +Mossop says and well you know it. + +MAGGIE. I don't want to come, father. I expect no holiday existence here +with you to keep in health. But if Will tells me it's my duty I shall +come. (_Sits_ R. _of table_.) + +HOBSON. You know as well as I do asking Will's a matter of form. + +MAGGIE. Matter of form! (_Rises and moves_ R.) My husband a matter of +form! He's the-- + +HOBSON. I dare say, but he is not the man that wears the breeches at +your house. + +MAGGIE. My husband's my husband, father, so whatever else he is. And +my home's my home, and all and what you said of it now to Doctor +MacFarlane's a thing you'll pay for. It's no gift to a married woman to +come back to the home she's shut of. (_Moves back_ R. C.) + +HOBSON. Look here, Maggie, you're talking straight and I'll talk +straight and all. When I'm set I'm set. You're coming here. I didn't +want you when that doctor said it, but, by gum, I want you now. It's +been my daughters' hobby crossing me. Now you'll come and look after me. + +MAGGIE. All of us? + +HOBSON. No. Not all of you. You're eldest. + +MAGGIE. There's another man with claims on me. + +HOBSON. I'll give him claims. Aren't I your father? + +(ALICE _enters_ L. _She is rather elaborately dressed for so early in +the day, and languidly haughty_.) + +MAGGIE. And I'm not your only daughter. + +ALICE. You been here long, Maggie? + +MAGGIE. A while. + +ALICE (L.C.). Ah, well, a fashionable solicitor's wife doesn't rise so +early as the wife of a working cobbler. You'd be up when Tubby came. + +MAGGIE. A couple of hours earlier. (_Moves up_ R.) + +ALICE (_going to_ HOBSON). You're looking all right, father. You've +quite a colour. + +HOBSON. I'm very ill. + +MAGGIE (_sitting_ R. _of table_). He's not so well, Alice. The doctor +says one of us must come and live here to look after him. + +ALICE. I live in the Crescent myself. + +MAGGIE. I've heard it was that way on. Somebody's home will have to go. + +ALICE. I don't think I can be expected to come back to this after what +I've been used to lately. + +HOBSON. Alice! + +ALICE. Well, I say it ought to be Maggie, father. She's the eldest. +(_Moves to above table_.) + +HOBSON. And I say you're-- + +(_What she is we don't learn, as_ VICKEY _enters effectively and goes +effusively to_ HOBSON, R. ALICE _moves round to_ L.) + +VICKEY. Father, you're ill! (_Embracing him_.) + +HOBSON. Vickey! My baby! At last I find a daughter who cares for me. + +VICKEY. Of course I care. Don't the others? (_Releasing herself from his +grasp_.) + +HOBSON. You will live with me, Vickey, won't you? + +VICKEY. What? (_She stands away from him_.) + +MAGGIE. One of us is needed to look after him. + +VICKEY. Oh, but it can't be me. In my circumstances, Maggie! + +MAGGIE. What circumstances? + +ALICE. Don't you know? + +MAGGIE. No. + +(VICKEY _whispers to_ MAGGIE.) + +HOBSON. What's the matter? What are you all whispering about? + +MAGGIE. Father, don't you think you ought to put a collar on before Will +comes? (_Goes to him_, R.) + +HOBSON. Put a collar on for Will Mossop? There's something wrong with +your sense of proportion, my girl. + +VICKEY (_moving_ C.). You're always pretending to folk about your +husband, Maggie, but you needn't keep it up with us. We know Will here. + +MAGGIE. Father, either I can go home or you can go and put a collar on +for Will. I'll have him treated with respect. (_Going up to window_.) + +ALICE. I expect you'd put a collar on in any case, father. + +HOBSON (_rising_). Of course I should. I'm going to put a collar on. +But understand me, Maggie, it's not for the sake of Will Mossop. It's +because my neck is cold. + +(_Exit_ HOBSON R.) + +MAGGIE (_coming down_). Now, then, which of us is it to be? + +VICKEY. It's no use looking at me like that, Maggie. I've told you I'm +expecting. + +MAGGIE. I don't see that that rules you out. It might happen to any of +us. + +ALICE. Maggie! + +MAGGIE. What's the matter? Children do happen to married women, and +we're all married. + +ALICE. Well, I'm not going to break my home up and that's flat. + +VICKEY. My child comes first with me. + +MAGGIE. I see. You've got a house of furniture, and you've got a child +coming, so father can drink himself to death for you. + +ALICE. That's not fair speaking. I'd come if there were no one else. You +know very well it's your duty, Maggie. + +VICKEY. Duty? I should think it 'ud be a pleasure to live here after a +year of two cellars. + +MAGGIE. I've had thirty years of the pleasure of living with father, +thanks. (_Going to chair_ R. _of table and sitting_.) + +ALICE. Do you mean to say you won't come? + +MAGGIE. It isn't for me to say at all. It's for my husband. + +VICKEY. Oh, do stop talking about your husband. If Alice and I don't +need to ask our husbands, I'm sure you never need ask yours. Will Mossop +hasn't the spirit of a louse and we know it as well as you do. (_Crosses +to fire-place_.) + +MAGGIE. Maybe Will's come on since you saw him, Vickey. It's getting a +while ago. There he is now in the shop. I'll go and put it to him. + +(_Rises and exits_ MAGGIE L.) + +VICKEY. Stop her! (_Going to door_.) + +ALICE (_detaining her_). Let her do it in her own way. I'm not coming +back here. + +VICKEY (R. _of_ ALICE). Nor me. + +ALICE. There's only Maggie for it. + +VICKEY. Yes. But we've got to be careful, Alice. She mustn't have things +too much her way. + +ALICE. It's our way as well, isn't it? + +VICKEY. Not coming is our way. But when she's with him alone and we're +not--(_Stopping_.) + +ALICE. Yes. + +VICKEY. Can't you see what I'm thinking, Alice? It is so difficult to +say. Suppose poor father gets worse and they are here, Maggie and Will, +and you and I--out of sight and out of mind. Can't you see what I mean? + +ALICE. He might leave them his money! + +VICKEY. That would be most unfair to us. + +ALICE. Father must make his will at once. Albert shall draw it up. +(_Goes_ R.) + +VICKEY. That's it, Alice. And don't let's leave Maggie too long with +Will. She's only telling him what to say, and then she'll pretend he +thought of it himself. (_She opens door left_.) Why, Will, what are you +doing up the ladder? + +WILLIE (_off_ L). I'm looking over the stock. + +VICKEY (_indignantly_). It's father's stock, not yours. + +WILLIE. That's so. But if I'm to come into a thing I like to know what +I'm coming into. + +ALICE. That's never Willie Mossop. + +VICKEY (_still by door_). Are you coming into this? + +(WILL _enters_ L. MAGGIE _follows him. He is not aggressive, but he is +prosperous and has self-confidence. Against_ ALICE _and_ VICKEY _he is +consciously on his mettle_.) + +WILLIE. That's the proposal, isn't it? + +VICKEY (C.). I didn't know it was. + +WILLIE. Now, then, Maggie, go and bring your father down and be sharp. +I'm busy at my shop, so what they are at his. + +(MAGGIE _takes_ WILL'S _hat off and puts it on settee, then exits up_ +R.) + +It's been a good business in its day, too, has Hobson's. + +ALICE. What on earth do you mean? It's a good business still. + +WILLIE. You try to sell it, and you'd learn. Stock and goodwill 'ud +fetch about two hundred. (_Goes_ C.) + +VICKEY. Don't talk so foolish, Will. Two hundred for a business like +father's! + +WILLIE. Two hundred as it is. Not as it was in our time, Vickey. + +ALICE. Do you mean to tell me father isn't rich? + +WILLIE. If you'd not married into the law you'd know what they think +of your father to-day in trading circles. Vickey ought to know. Her +husband's in trade. + +VICKEY (_indignantly_). My Fred in trade! + +WILLIE. Isn't he? + +VICKEY. He's in the wholesale. That's business, not trade. And the value +of father's shop is no affair of yours, Will Mossop. (_Moves_ L.) + +WILLIE. Now I thought maybe it was. If Maggie and me are coming here-- + +VICKEY. You're coming to look after father. + +WILLIE. Maggie can do that with one hand tied behind her back. I'll look +after the business. + +ALICE. You'll do what's arranged for you. + +WILLIE. I'll do the arranging, Alice. If we come here, we come here on +my terms. + +VICKEY. They'll be fair terms. + +WILLIE. I'll see they're fair to me and Maggie. (_Goes_ R.) + +ALICE. Will Mossop, do you know who you're talking to? + +WILLIE (_turning_). Aye. My wife's young sisters. Times have changed a +bit since you used to order me about this shop, haven't they, Alice? + +ALICE. Yes. I'm Mrs. Albert Prosser now. + +WILLIE. So you are, to outsiders. And you'd be surprised the number of +people that call me Mr. Mossop now. We do get on in the world, don't we? +(ALICE _moves up stage_.) + +VICKEY. Some folks get on too fast. + +WILLIE. It's a matter of opinion. (_Coming_ C.) I know Maggie and me +gave both of you a big leg up when we arranged your marriage portions, +but I dunno that we're grudging you the sudden lift you got. + +(_Enter_ HOBSON _and_ MAGGIE.) + +WILLIE. Good morning, father. I'm sorry to hear you're not so well. + +HOBSON. I'm a changed man, Will. (_He comes down and sits on arm-chair_, +R.) + +WILLIE. There used to be room for improvement. + +HOBSON. What! (_He starts up_.) + +MAGGIE. Sit down, father. + +WILLIE (_sitting_ R. _of table_). Aye. Don't let us be too long about +this. You've kept me waiting now a good while and my time's valuable. +I'm busy at my shop. + +HOBSON. Is your shop more important than my life? + +WILLIE. That's a bit like asking if a pound of tea weighs heavier than +a pound of lead. I'm worrited about your life because it worrits Maggie, +but I'm none worrited that bad I'll see my business suffer for the sake +of you. + +HOBSON. This isn't what I've a right to expect from you, Will. + +WILLIE. You've no _right_ to expect I care whether you sink or swim. + +MAGGIE. Will! + +WILLIE. What's to do? You told me to take a high hand, didn't you? + +(MAGGIE _sits down_ R.) + +ALICE. And we're to stay here and watch Maggie and Will abusing father +when he's ill. + +(_Positions now_: MAGGIE _sitting down_ R., HOBSON _sitting in +armchair_, ALICE _standing behind and between them_, VICKEY _standing_ +L. _of table_.) + +WILLIE. No need for you to stay. + +HOBSON. That's a true word, Will Mossop. + +VICKEY. Father! You take his side against your flesh and blood. + +HOBSON. That doesn't come too well from you, my girl. Neither of you +would leave your homes to come to care for me. You're not for me, so +you're against me. + +ALICE. We're not against you, father. We want to stay and see that Will +deals fairly by you. + +HOBSON. Oh, I'm not capable of looking after myself, amn't I? I've to be +protected by you girls lest I'm overreached, and overreached by whom? By +Willie Mossop! I may be ailing, but I've fight enough left in me for a +dozen such as him, and if you're thinking that the manhood's gone from +me, you can go and think it somewhere else than in my house. + +VICKEY. But father--dear father-- + +HOBSON. I'm not so dear to you if you'd to think twice about coming here +to do for me, let alone jibbing at it the way you did. A proper daughter +would have jumped--aye, skipped like a calf by the cedars of Lebanon--at +the thought of being helpful to her father. + +ALICE. Did Maggie skip? + +HOBSON. She's a bit ancient for skipping exercise, is Maggie; but she's +coming round to reconcilement with the thought of living here, and that +is more than you are doing, Alice, isn't it? Eh? Are you willing to +come? + +ALICE (_sullenly_). No. + +HOBSON. Or you, Vickey? + +VICKEY. It's my child, father. I-- + +HOBSON. Never mind what it is. Are you coming or not? + +VICKEY. No. + +HOBSON. Then you that aren't willing can leave me to talk with them that +are. + +ALICE. Do you mean that we're to go? + +HOBSON. I understand you've homes to go to. + +ALICE. Oh, father! + +HOBSON. Open the door for them, Will. + +(WILL _rises, crosses, and opens door_. ALICE _and_ VICKEY _stare in +silent anger. Then_ ALICE _sweeps to her gloves on the table_.) + +ALICE. Vickey! + +(ALICE _moves on towards door_.) + +VICKEY. Well, I don't know! + +MAGGIE (_from her chair by the fire-place_). We'll be glad to see you +here at tea-time on a Sunday afternoon if you'll condescend to come +sometimes. + +VICKEY. Beggars on horseback. + +(VICKEY _and_ ALICE _pass out_.) + +WILL (_closing door_). Nay, come, there's no ill-will. (He _returns to +table and sits_ R. _of it_.) + +HOBSON. Now, my lad, I'll tell you what I'll do. + +WILLIE. Aye, we can come to grips better now there are no fine ladies +about. + +HOBSON. They've got stiff necks with pride, and the difference between +you two and them's a thing I ought to mark and that I'm going to mark. +There's times for holding back and times for letting loose, and being +generous. Now, you're coming here, to this house, both of you, and you +can have the back bedroom for your own and the use of this room split +along with me. Maggie 'ull keep house, and if she's time to spare she +can lend a hand in the shop. I'm finding Will a job. You can come back +to your old bench in the cellar, Will, and I'll pay you the old wage +of eighteen shillings a week and you and me 'ull go equal whacks in the +cost of the housekeeping, and if that's not handsome, I dunno what is. +I'm finding you a house rent free and paying half the keep of your wife. + +WILLIE. Come home, Maggie. (_He rises, goes_ L.) + +MAGGIE. I think I'll have to. (_She rises_.) + +HOBSON. Whatever's the hurry for? + +WILLIE. It may be news to you--(_moving a little_ R.),--but I've a +business round in Oldfield Road and I'm neglecting it with wasting my +time here. + +HOBSON. Wasting time? Maggie, what's the matter with Will? I've made him +a proposal. + +MAGGIE. He's a shop of his own to see to, father. + +HOBSON. (_incredulous_). A man who's offered a job at Hobson's doesn't +want to worry with a shop of his own in a wretched cellar in Oldfield +Road. + +WILLIE. Shall I tell him, Maggie, or shall we go? + +HOBSON. Go! I don't want to keep a man who--(_Rises_.) + +MAGGIE. If he goes, I go with him, father. You'd better speak out, Will. + +WILLIE. All right, I will. We've been a year in yon wretched cellar and +do you know what we've done? We've paid off Mrs. Hepworth what she lent +us for our start and made a bit o' brass on top o' that. We've got your +high-class trade away from you. That shop's a cellar, and as you say, +it's wretched, but they come to us in it, and they don't come to you. +Your trade's gone down till all you sell is clogs. You've got no trade, +and me and Maggie's got it all and now you're on your bended knees to +her to come and live with you, and all you think to offer me is my old +job at eighteen shillings a week. Me that's the owner of a business that +is starving yours to death. + +HOBSON. But--but--you're Will Mossop, you're my old shoe hand. + +WILLIE. Aye. I were, but I've moved on a bit since then. Your daughter +married me and set about my education. And--and now I'll tell you what +I'll do and it'll be the handsome thing and all from me to you. I'll +close my shop-- + +HOBSON. Oh! That doesn't sound like doing so well. + +WILLIE. I'm doing well, but I'll do better here. I'll transfer to this +address and what I'll do that's generous is this: I'll take you into +partnership and give you your half-share on the condition you're +sleeping partner and you don't try interference on with me. (_Goes_ L.) + +HOBSON. A partner! You--here-- + +WILLIE. William Mossop, late Hobson, is the name this shop 'ull have. + +MAGGIE. Wait a bit, Will. I don't agree to that. + +HOBSON (_over to her_). Oh, so you have piped up at last. I began to +think you'd both lost your senses together. + +MAGGIE. It had better not be "late Hobson." + +WILLIE (L. C.). Well, I meant it should. + +HOBSON. Just wait a bit. I want to know if I'm taking this in aright. +(_Moves_ R. C.) I'm to be given a half-share in my own business on +condition I take no part in running it. Is that what you said? + +WILLIE. That's it. + +HOBSON. Well, I've heard of impudence before, but-- + +MAGGIE. It's all right, father. + +HOBSON. But did you hear what he said? + +MAGGIE. Yes. That's settled. Quite settled, father. (_Pushing him_.) +It's only the name we're arguing about. (_To_ WILL.) I won't have "late +Hobson's", Will. + +HOBSON. I'm not dead, yet, my lad, and I'll show you I'm not. + +MAGGIE. I think Hobson and Mossop is best. + +HOBSON. His name on my sign-board! + +WILLIE. The best I'll do is this: Mossop and Hobson. + +MAGGIE. No. + +WILLIE. Mossop and Hobson or it's Oldfield Road for us, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. Very well. Mossop and Hobson. + +(WILL _moves_ L.) + +HOBSON. But-- + +(MAGGIE _moves up stage_ R.) + +WILLIE (_opening door and looking through_). I'll make some alterations +in this shop, and all. I will so. (_He goes through door and returns at +once with a battered cane chair_.) + +HOBSON. Alterations in my shop! (_Goes_ C.) + +WILLIE. In mine. Look at that chair. How can you expect the high-class +customers to come and sit on a chair like that? Why, we'd only a cellar, +but they did sit on cretonne for their trying on. + +HOBSON. Cretonne! It's pampering folk. + +(MAGGIE _comes down stage_ R.) + +WILLIE. Cretonne for a cellar, and morocco for this shop. Folk like +to be pampered. Pampering pays. (_He takes the chair out and returns +immediately_.) There'll be a carpet on that floor, too. + +HOBSON. Carpet! Morocco! Young man, do you think this shop is in Saint +Ann's Square, Manchester? + +WILLIE. Not yet. But it is going to be. + +HOBSON. What does he mean? (_Appealing to heaven_.) + +WILLIE. It's no farther from Chapel Street to Saint Ann's Square than it +is from Oldfield Road to Chapel Street. I've done one jump in a year +and if I wait a bit I'll do the other. (HOBSON _sits_ R. _of table_.) +Maggie, I reckon your father could do with a bit of fresh air after +this. I dare say it's come sudden to him. Suppose you walk with him +to Albert Prosser's office and get Albert to draw up the deed of +partnership. + +HOBSON (_looking pathetically first at_ MAGGIE, _then at_ WILLIE, +_rising obediently_). I'll go and get my hat. + +(_Exit_ HOBSON R.) + +WILLIE. He's crushed-like, Maggie. I'm afraid I bore on him too hard. +(_Going_ R. C.) + +MAGGIE. You needn't be. + +WILLIE. I said such things to him, and they sounded as if I meant them, +too. + +MAGGIE. Didn't you? + +WILLIE. Did I? Yes ... I suppose I did. That's just the worst ... from +me to him. You told me to be strong and use the power that's come to me +through you, but he's the old master, and-- + +MAGGIE. And you're the new. + +WILLIE. Master of Hobson's! It's an outrageous big idea. Did I sound +confident, Maggie? + +MAGGIE. You did all right. + +WILLIE (_sits_ R. _of table_). Eh, but I weren't by half so certain as I +sounded. Words came from my mouth that made me jump at my own boldness, +and when it came to facing you about the name, I tell you I fair +trembled in my shoes. I was carried away like, or I'd not have dared to +cross you, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. Don't spoil it, Will. (_Moves to him_.) You're the man I've made +you and I'm proud. + +WILLIE. Thy pride is not in same street, lass, with the pride I have in +you. And that reminds me. (_Rises, moves up and gets his hat_.) I've a +job to see to. + +MAGGIE. What job? + +WILLIE (_coming down_ L.). Oh--about the improvements. + +MAGGIE. You'll not do owt without consulting me. + +WILLIE. I'll do this, lass. (_Goes to and takes her hand_.) + +MAGGIE. What are you doing? You leave my wedding ring alone. (_Wrenches +hand free_.) + +WILLIE. You've worn a brass one long enough. + +MAGGIE. I'll wear that ring for ever, Will. + +WILLIE. I was for getting you a proper one, Maggie. + +MAGGIE. I'm not preventing you. I'll wear your gold for show, but that +brass stays where you put it, Will, and if we get too rich and proud +we'll just sit down together quiet and take a long look at it, so as +we'll not forget the truth about ourselves ... Eh, lad! (_She touches +him affectionately_.) + +WILL. Eh, lass! (_He kisses her_.) + +(_Enter_ HOBSON R. _with his hat on_.) + +MAGGIE. Ready, father. Come along to Albert's. + +HOBSON (_meekly_). Yes, Maggie. + +(MAGGIE _and_ HOBSON _cross below_ WILL _and go out_ L. WILL _comes +down with amazement, triumph and incredulity written on his face, and +attempts to express the inexpressible by saying_--) + +WILL. Well, by gum! (_He turns to follow the others_.) + + +CURTAIN. + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Hobson's Choice, by Harold Brighouse + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOBSON'S CHOICE *** + +***** This file should be named 6347.txt or 6347.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/6/3/4/6347/ + +Produced by Delphine Lettau, Charles Franks and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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