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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Hobson's Choice, by Harold Brighouse
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Hobson's Choice
+
+Author: Harold Brighouse
+
+
+Release Date: August, 2004 [EBook #6347]
+This file was first posted on November 29, 2002
+Last Updated: June 22, 2013
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOBSON'S CHOICE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Delphine Lettau, Charles Franks and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+HOBSON'S CHOICE
+
+A Lancashire Comedy in Four Acts
+
+By Harold Brighouse
+
+
+
+_Hobson's Choice_ was originally produced in America. Its first English
+production took place on June 22, 1916, at the Apollo Theatre, London,
+with the following cast:
+
+
+   ALICE HOBSON   .  .  .  .  .  . . . _Miss Lydia Bilbrooke_.
+   MAGGIE HOBSON  .  .  .  .  .  . . . _Miss Edyth Goodall_.
+   VICKEY HOBSON  .  .  .  .  .  . . . _Miss Hilda Davies_.
+   ALBERT PROSSER .  .  .  .  .  . . . _Mr. Reginald Fry_.
+   HENRY HORATIO HOBSON .  .  .  . . . _Mr. Norman McKinnel_.
+   MRS. HEPWORTH  .  .  .  .  .  . . . _Miss Dora Gregory_.
+   TIMOTHY WADLOW (TUBBY).  .  . . . . _Mr. Sydney Paxton_.
+   WILLIAM MOSSOP .  .  .  .  .  . . . _Mr. Joe Nightingale_.
+   JIM HEELER  .  .  .  .  .  .  . . . _Mr. J. Cooke Beresford_.
+   ADA FIGGINS .  .  .  .  .  .  . . . _Miss Mary Byron_.
+   FRED BEENSTOCK .  .  .  .  .  . . . _Mr. Jefferson Gore_.
+   DR. MACFARLANE .  .  .  .  .  . . . _Mr. J. Fisher White_.
+
+
+The play produced by MR. NORMAN McKINNEL.
+
+_The_ SCENE _is Salford, Lancashire, and the period is 1880_.
+
+ACT I. _Interior of_ HOBSON'S _Shop in Chapel Street_.
+
+ACT II. _The same scene_.
+
+ACT III. WILL MOSSOP'S _Shop_.
+
+ACT IV. _Living-room of_ HOBSON'S _Shop_.
+
+
+
+PUBLISHER'S NOTE.
+
+Acknowledgements are made to Mr. William Armstrong, Director of the
+Liverpool Repertory Company, for allowing his prompt copy to be used in
+preparing this acting edition.
+
+[Illustration] Red Walls, Brown oaken dado. T. gas bracket over counter.
+Turkey red curtains half up window. No carpet. Small rug at door R.
+Shoes on counter and showcases. Hanging laces. Advertisements. Boot
+polishes. Brushes. Brown paper on counter. Clogs in rows under shelves
+R. C. Black cane furniture and rush-bottomed. Heavy leather armchair.
+Piece of rough leather on shelves.
+
+The trap is eminently desirable. However, should the stage used have
+no trap, the work-room may be supposed to be off-stage, with a door up
+Right.
+
+
+
+
+HOBSON'S CHOICE
+
+ACT 1
+
+_The_ SCENE _represents the interior of_ HOBSON'S _Boot Shop in Chapel
+Street, Bedford. The shop windows and entrance from street occupy the
+left side. Facing the audience is the counter, with exhibits of boots
+and slippers, behind which the wall is fitted with racks containing boot
+boxes. Cane chairs in front of counter. There is a desk down L. with a
+chair. A door R. leads up to the house. In the centre of the stage is
+a trap leading to the cellar where work is done. There are no elaborate
+fittings. Gas brackets in the windows and walls. The business is
+prosperous, but to prosper in Salford in 1880 you did not require the
+elaborate accessories of a later day. A very important customer goes
+for fitting into_ HOBSON'S _sitting-room. The rank and file use the
+cane chairs in the shop, which is dingy but business-like. The
+windows exhibit little stock, and amongst what there is clogs figure
+prominently. Through the windows comes the bright light of noon._
+
+Sitting behind the counter are_ HOBSON'S _two younger daughters,_ ALICE,
+R., _who is twenty-three, and_ VICTORIA, L., _who is twenty-one, and
+very pretty_. ALICE _is knitting and_ VICTORIA _is reading. They are in
+black, with neat black aprons. The door_ R. _opens, and_ MAGGIE _enters.
+She is_ HOBSON'S _eldest daughter, thirty_.
+
+ALICE. Oh, it's you. I hoped it was father going out.
+
+MAGGIE. It isn't. (_She crosses and takes her place at desk_ L.)
+
+ALICE. He _is_ late this morning.
+
+MAGGIE. He got up late. (_She busies herself with an account book_.)
+
+VICKEY. (_reading_). Has he had breakfast yet, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. Breakfast! With a Masons' meeting last night!
+
+VICKEY. He'll need reviving.
+
+ALICE. Then I wish he'd go and do it.
+
+VICKEY. Are you expecting anyone, Alice?
+
+ALICE. Yes, I am, and you know I am, and I'll thank you both to go when
+he comes.
+
+VICKEY. Well, I'll oblige you, Alice, if father's gone out first, only
+you know I can't leave the counter till he goes.
+
+(ALBERT PROSSER _enters from the street. He is twenty-six, nicely
+dressed, as the son of an established solicitor would be. He crosses to_
+R. _and raises his hat to _ALICE.)
+
+ALBERT. Good morning, Miss Alice.
+
+ALICE. Good morning, Mr. Prosser. (_She leans across counter_.) Father's
+not gone out yet. He's late.
+
+ALBERT. Oh! (_He turns to go, and is half-way to door, when MAGGIE
+rises_.)
+
+MAGGIE (_coming_ C.). What can we do for you, Mr. Prosser?
+
+ALBERT (_stopping_). Well, I can't say that I came in to buy anything,
+Miss Hobson.
+
+MAGGIE. This is a shop, you know. We're not here to let people go out
+without buying.
+
+ALBERT. Well, I'll just have a pair of bootlaces, please. (_Moves
+slightly to_ R.)
+
+MAGGIE. What size do you take in boots?
+
+ALBERT. Eights. I've got small feet. (_He simpers, then perceives that_
+MAGGIE _is by no means smiling_.) Does that matter to the laces?
+
+MAGGIE (_putting mat in front of arm-chair_ R. C.) It matters to the
+boots. (_She pushes him slightly_.) Sit down, Mr. Prosser.
+
+ALBERT (_sitting in arm-chair_ R. C.) Yes, but--
+
+(MAGGIE _is on her knees and takes off his boot_.)
+
+MAGGIE. It's time you had a new pair. These uppers are disgraceful for
+a professional man to wear. Number eights from the third rack, Vickey,
+please.
+
+ALICE (_moving down a little_). Mr. Prosser didn't come in to buy boots,
+Maggie.
+
+(VICKEY _comes down to_ MAGGIE _with box which she opens_.)
+
+MAGGIE. I wonder what does bring him in here so often!
+
+(ALICE _moves back to behind counter_.)
+
+ALBERT. I'm terrible hard on bootlaces, Miss Hobson.
+
+(MAGGIE _puts a new boot on him and laces it_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Do you get through a pair a day? You must be strong.
+
+ALBERT. I keep a little stock of them. It's as well to be prepared for
+accidents.
+
+MAGGIE. And now you'll have boots to go with the laces, Mr. Prosser. How
+does that feel?
+
+ALBERT. Very comfortable.
+
+MAGGIE. Try it standing up.
+
+ALBERT (_trying and walking a few steps_). Yes, that fits all right.
+
+MAGGIE. I'll put the other on.
+
+ALBERT. Oh no, I really don't want to buy them.
+
+MAGGIE (_pushing him_). Sit down, Mr. Prosser. You can't go through the
+streets in odd boots.
+
+(ALICE _comes down again_.)
+
+ALBERT. What's the price of these?
+
+MAGGIE. A pound.
+
+ALBERT. A pound! I say--
+
+MAGGIE. They're good boots, and you don't need to buy a pair of laces
+to-day, because we give them in as discount. (VICKEY _goes back to
+counter_.) Braid laces, that is. Of course, if you want leather ones,
+you being so strong in the arm and breaking so many pairs, you can have
+them, only it's tuppence more.
+
+ALBERT. These--these will do.
+
+MAGGIE. Very well, you'd better have the old pair mended and I'll send
+them home to you with the bill. (_She has laced the second boot, rises,
+and moves towards desk_ L., _throwing the boot box at_ VICKEY, _who
+gives a little scream at the interruption of her reading_. ALBERT
+_gasps_.)
+
+ALBERT. Well, if anyone had told me I was coming in here to spend a
+pound I'd have called him crazy.
+
+MAGGIE. It's not wasted. Those boots will last. Good morning, Mr.
+Prosser. (_She holds door open_.)
+
+ALBERT. Good morning. (_He looks blankly at_ ALICE _and goes out_.)
+
+ALICE. Maggie, we know you're a pushing sales-woman, but--
+
+MAGGIE (_returning to_ R. _she picks up old boots and puts them on rack
+up_ R.). It'll teach him to keep out of here a bit. He's too much time
+on his hands.
+
+ALICE. You know why he comes.
+
+MAGGIE. I know it's time he paid a rent for coming. A pair of laces a
+day's not half enough. Coming here to make sheep's eyes at you. I'm sick
+of the sight of him. (_Crosses in front of counter to_ L.)
+
+ALICE. It's all very well for an old maid like you to talk, but if
+father won't have us go courting, where else can Albert meet me except
+here when father's out?
+
+MAGGIE. If he wants to marry you why doesn't he do it?
+
+ALICE. Courting must come first.
+
+MAGGIE. It needn't. (_She picks up a slipper on desk_ L.). See that
+slipper with a fancy buckle on to make it pretty? Courting's like that,
+my lass. All glitter and no use to nobody. (_She replaces slipper and
+sits at her desk_.)
+
+(HENRY HORATIO HOBSON _enters from the house. He is fifty-five,
+successful, coarse, florid, and a parent of the period. His hat is on.
+It is one of those felt hats which are half-way to tall hats in shape.
+He has a heavy gold chain and masonic emblems on it. His clothes are
+bought to wear_.)
+
+HOBSON. Maggie, I'm just going out for a quarter of an hour. (_Moves
+over to doors_ L.)
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, father. Don't be late for dinner. There's liver.
+
+HOBSON. It's an hour off dinner-time. (_Going_.)
+
+MAGGIE. So that, if you stay more than an hour in the Moonraker's Inn,
+you'll be late for it.
+
+HOBSON. "Moonraker's?" Who said--? (_Turning_.)
+
+VICKEY. If your dinner's ruined, it'll be your own fault.
+
+HOBSON. Well, I'll be eternally--
+
+ALICE. Don't swear, father.
+
+HOBSON (_putting hat on counter_). No. I'll sit down instead. (_He moves
+to_ R. C. _and sits in arm-chair_ R. C. _facing them_.) Listen to me,
+you three. I've come to conclusions about you. And I won't have it. Do
+you hear that? Interfering with my goings out and comings in. The idea!
+I've a mind to take measures with the lot of you.
+
+MAGGIE. I expect Mr. Heeler's waiting for you in "Moonraker's," father.
+
+HOBSON. He can go on waiting. At present, I'm addressing a few remarks
+to the rebellious females of this house, and what I say will be listened
+to and heeded. I've noticed it coming on ever since your mother died.
+There's been a gradual increase of uppishness towards me.
+
+VICKEY. Father, you'd have more time to talk after we've closed
+to-night. (_She is anxious to resume her reading_.)
+
+HOBSON. I'm talking now, and you're listening. Providence has decreed
+that you should lack a mother's hand at the time when single girls grow
+bumptious and must have somebody to rule. But I'll tell you this, you'll
+none rule me.
+
+VICKEY. I'm sure I'm not bumptious, father.
+
+HOBSON. Yes, you are. You're pretty, but you're bumptious, and I hate
+bumptiousness like I hate a lawyer.
+
+ALICE. If we take trouble to feed you it's not bumptious to ask you not
+to be late for your food.
+
+VICKEY. Give and take, father.
+
+HOBSON. I give and you take, and it's going to end.
+
+MAGGIE. How much a week do you give us?
+
+HOBSON. That's neither here nor there. (_Rises and moves to doors_ L.)
+At moment I'm on uppishness, and I'm warning you your conduct towards
+your parent's got to change. (_Turns to the counter_.) But that's not
+all. That's private conduct, and now I pass to broader aspects and I
+speak of public conduct. I've looked upon my household as they go about
+the streets, and I've been disgusted. The fair name and fame of Hobson
+have been outraged by members of Hobson's family, and uppishness has
+done it.
+
+VICKEY. I don't know what you're talking about.
+
+HOBSON. Vickey, you're pretty, but you can lie like a gas-meter. Who had
+new dresses on last week?
+
+ALICE. I suppose you mean Vickey and me!
+
+HOBSON. I do.
+
+VICKEY. We shall dress as we like, father, and you can save your breath.
+
+HOBSON. I'm not stopping in from my business appointment for the purpose
+of saving my breath.
+
+VICKEY. You like to see me in nice clothes.
+
+HOBSON. I do. I like to see my daughters nice. (_Crosses_ R.) That's
+why I pay Mr. Tudsbury, the draper, 10 pounds a year a head to dress you
+proper. It pleases the eye and it's good for trade. But, I'll tell you,
+if some women could see themselves as men see them, they'd have a shock,
+and I'll have words with Tudsbury an' all, for letting you dress up like
+guys. (_Moves_ L.) I saw you and Alice out of the "Moonraker's" parlour
+on Thursday night and my friend Sam Minns--(_Turns_.)
+
+ALICE. A publican.
+
+HOBSON. Aye, a publican. As honest a man as God Almighty ever set behind
+a bar, my ladies. My friend, Sam Minns, asked me who you were. And well
+he might. You were going down Chapel Street with a hump added to nature
+behind you.
+
+VICKEY (_scandalized_). Father!
+
+HOBSON. The hump was wagging, and you put your feet on pavement as if
+you'd got chilblains--aye, stiff neck above and weak knees below. It's
+immodest!
+
+ALICE. It is not immodest, father. It's the fashion to wear bustles.
+
+HOBSON. Then to hell with the fashion.
+
+MAGGIE. Father, you are not in the "Moonraker's" now.
+
+VICKEY. You should open your eyes to what other ladies wear. (_Rises_.)
+
+HOBSON. If what I saw on you is any guide, I should do nowt of kind. I'm
+a decent-minded man. I'm Hobson. I'm British middle class and proud of
+it. I stand for common sense and sincerity. You're affected, which is
+bad sense and insincerity. You've overstepped nice dressing and you've
+tried grand dressing--(VICKEY _sits_)--which is the occupation of fools
+and such as have no brains. You forget the majesty of trade and the
+unparalleled virtues of the British Constitution which are all based
+on the sanity of the middle classes, combined with the diligence of the
+working-classes. You're losing balance, and you're putting the things
+which don't matter in front of the things which do, and if you mean
+to be a factor in the world in Lancashire or a factor in the house of
+Hobson, you'll become sane.
+
+VICKEY. Do you want us to dress like mill girls?
+
+HOBSON. No. Nor like French Madams, neither. It's un-English, I say.
+
+ALICE. We shall continue to dress fashionably, father.
+
+HOBSON. Then I've a choice for you two. Vickey, you I'm talking to, and
+Alice. You'll become sane if you're going on living here. You'll control
+this uppishness that's growing on you. And if you don't, you'll get out
+of this, and exercise your gifts on some one else than me. You don't
+know when you're well off. But you'll learn it when I'm done with you.
+I'll choose a pair of husbands for you, my girls. That's what I'll do.
+
+ALICE. Can't we choose husbands for ourselves?
+
+HOBSON. I've been telling you for the last five minutes you're not even
+fit to choose dresses for yourselves.
+
+MAGGIE. You're talking a lot to Vickey and Alice, father. Where do I
+come in?
+
+HOBSON. You? (_Turning on her, astonished_.)
+
+MAGGIE. If you're dealing husbands round, don't I get one?
+
+HOBSON. Well, that's a good one! (_Laughs_.) You with a husband! (_Down
+in front of desk_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Why not?
+
+HOBSON. Why not? I thought you'd sense enough to know. But if you want
+the brutal truth, you're past the marrying age. You're a proper old
+maid, Maggie, if ever there was one.
+
+MAGGIE. I'm thirty.
+
+HOBSON (_facing her_). Aye, thirty and shelved. Well, all the women
+can't get husbands. But you others, now. I've told you. I'll have less
+uppishness from you or else I'll shove you off my hands on to some other
+men. You can just choose which way you like. (_He picks up hat and makes
+for door_.)
+
+MAGGIE. One o'clock dinner, father.
+
+HOBSON. See here, Maggie,--(_back again down to in front of desk_)--I
+set the hours at this house. It's one o'clock dinner because I say it
+is, and not because you do.
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, father.
+
+HOBSON. So long as that's clear I'll go. (_He is by door_.) Oh no, I
+won't. Mrs. Hepworth's getting out of her carriage.
+
+(_He puts hat on counter again_. MAGGIE _rises and opens door. Enter_
+MRS. HEPWORTH, _an old lady with a curt manner and good clothes_.)
+
+Good morning, Mrs. Hepworth. What a lovely day. (_He crosses_ R. _and
+places chair_.)
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH (_sitting in arm-chair_ R. C.). Morning, Hobson. (_She
+raises her skirt_.) I've come about those boots you sent me home.
+
+HOBSON (_kneeling on_ MRS. HEPWORTH'S R., _and fondling foot_. MAGGIE
+_is_ C.). Yes, Mrs. Hepworth. They look very nice.
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. Get up, Hobson. (_He scrambles up, controlling his
+feelings_.) You look ridiculous on the floor. Who made these boots?
+
+HOBSON. We did. Our own make.
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. Will you answer a plain question? Who made these boots?
+
+HOBSON. They were made on the premises.
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH (_to_ MAGGIE). Young woman, you seemed to have some sense
+when you served me. Can you answer me?
+
+MAGGIE. I think so, but I'll make sure for you, Mrs. Hepworth. (_She
+opens trap and calls_.) Tubby!
+
+HOBSON (_down_ R.). You wish to see the identical workman, madam?
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. I said so.
+
+HOBSON. I am responsible for all work turned out here.
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. I never said you weren't.
+
+(TUBBY WADLOW _comes up trap. A white-haired little man with thin legs
+and a paunch, in dingy clothes with no collar and a coloured cotton
+shirt. He has no coat on_.)
+
+TUBBY. Yes, Miss Maggie? (_He stands half out of trap, not coming right
+up_.)
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. Man, did you make these boots? (_She rises and advances
+one pace towards him_.)
+
+TUBBY. No, ma'am.
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. Then who did? Am I to question every soul in the place
+before I find out? (_Looking round_.)
+
+TUBBY. They're Willie's making, those.
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. Then tell Willie I want him.
+
+TUBBY. Certainly, ma'am. (_He goes down trap and calls_ "Willie!")
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. Who's Willie?
+
+HOBSON. Name of Mossop, madam. But if there is anything wrong I assure
+you I'm capable of making the man suffer for it. I'll--
+
+(WILLIE MOSSOP _comes up trap. He is a lanky fellow, about thirty, not
+naturally stupid but stunted mentally by a brutalized childhood. He is a
+raw material of a charming man, but, at present, it requires a very keen
+eye to detect his potentialities. His clothes are an even poorer edition
+of_ TUBBY'S. _He comes half-way up trap_.)
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH (_standing_ R. _of trap_). Are you Mossop?
+
+WILLIE. Yes, mum.
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. You made these boots?
+
+WILLIE (_peering at them_). Yes, I made them last week.
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. Take that.
+
+(WILLIE, _bending down, rather expects "that" to be a blow. Then he
+raises his head and finds she is holding out a visiting card. He takes
+it_.)
+
+See what's on it?
+
+WILLIE (_bending over the card_). Writing?
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. Read it.
+
+WILLIE. I'm trying. (_His lips move as he tries to spell it out_.)
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. Bless the man. Can't you read?
+
+WILLIE. I do a bit. Only it's such funny print.
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. It's the usual italics of a visiting card, my man. Now
+listen to me. I heard about this shop, and what I heard brought me here
+for these boots. I'm particular about what I put on my feet.
+
+HOBSON (_moving slightly towards her_). I assure you it shall not occur
+again, Mrs. Hepworth.
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. What shan't?
+
+HOBSON (_crestfallen_). I--I don't know.
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. Then hold your tongue. Mossop, I've tried every shop in
+Manchester, and these are the best-made pair of boots I've ever had.
+Now, you'll make my boots in future. You hear that, Hobson?
+
+(MAGGIE, _down_ L. C., _is taking it all in_.)
+
+HOBSON. Yes, madam, of course he shall.
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. You'll keep that card, Mossop, and you won't dare leave
+here to go to another shop without letting me know where you are.
+
+HOBSON. Oh, he won't make a change.
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. How do you know? The man's a treasure, and I expect you
+underpay him.
+
+HOBSON. That'll do, Willie. You can go.
+
+WILLIE. Yes, sir.
+
+(_He dives down trap_. MAGGIE _closes it_.)
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. He's like a rabbit.
+
+MAGGIE. Can I take your order for another pair of boots, Mrs. Hepworth?
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. Not yet, young woman. But I shall send my daughters here.
+And, mind you, that man's to make the boots. (_She crosses_ L.)
+
+MAGGIE. (_Up at doors and opening them_.) Certainly, Mrs. Hepworth.
+
+MRS. HEPWORTH. Good morning.
+
+HOBSON. Good morning, Mrs. Hepworth. Very glad to have the honour of
+serving you, madam. (_Following her up_.)
+
+(_She goes out_.)
+
+(_Angry_.) I wish some people would mind their own business. What does
+she want to praise a workman to his face for? (_Moves down_ L. _and then
+to_ C.)
+
+MAGGIE. I suppose he deserved it.
+
+HOBSON. Deserved be blowed! Making them uppish. That's what it is. Last
+time she puts her foot in my shop, I give you my word.
+
+MAGGIE. Don't be silly, father.
+
+HOBSON. I'll show her. Thinks she owns the earth because she lives at
+Hope Hall.
+
+(_Enter from street_ JIM HEELER, _who is a grocer, and_ HOBSON'S _boon
+companion_.)
+
+JIM (_looking down street as he enters_). That's a bit of a startler.
+
+HOBSON (_swinging round_). Eh? Oh, morning, Jim.
+
+JIM. You're doing a good class trade if the carriage folk come to you,
+Hobson. (_Moves down_ L. C.)
+
+HOBSON. What?
+
+JIM. Wasn't that Mrs. Hepworth?
+
+HOBSON. Oh yes. Mrs. Hepworth's an old and valued customer of mine.
+
+JIM. It's funny you deal with Hope Hall and never mentioned it.
+
+HOBSON. Why, I've made boots for her and all her circle for... how long,
+Maggie? Oh, I dunno.
+
+JIM. You kept it dark. Well, aren't you coming round yonder? (_Moving
+up_ L.)
+
+HOBSON (_reaching for his hat_). Yes. That is, no.
+
+JIM. Are you ill?
+
+HOBSON. No. Get away, you girls. I'll look after the shop. I want to
+talk to Mr. Heeler.
+
+JIM. Well, can't you talk in the "Moonraker's"!
+
+(_The girls go out_ R. _to house_, MAGGIE _last_.)
+
+HOBSON. Yes, with Sam Minns, and Denton and Tudsbury there.
+
+JIM. It's private, then. What's the trouble, Henry?
+
+(HOBSON _waves_ JIM _into arm-chair_ R. C. _and sits in front of
+counter_.)
+
+HOBSON. They're the trouble. (_Indicates door to house_.) Do your
+daughters worry you, Jim?
+
+JIM. Nay,--(_sits_ R. C.)--they mostly do as I bid them, and the missus
+does the leathering if they don't.
+
+HOBSON. Ah, Jim, a wife's a handy thing, and you don't know it proper
+till she's taken from you. I felt grateful for the quiet when my Mary
+fell on rest, but I can see my mistake now. I used to think I was hard
+put to it to fend her off when she wanted summat out of me, but the
+dominion of one woman is Paradise to the dominion of three.
+
+JIM. It sounds a sad case, Henry.
+
+HOBSON. I'm a talkative man by nature, Jim. You know that.
+
+JIM. You're an orator, Henry. I doubt John Bright himself is better
+gifted of the gab than you.
+
+HOBSON. Nay, that's putting it a bit too strong. A good case needs no
+flattery.
+
+JIM. Well, you're the best debater in the "Moonraker's" parlour.
+
+HOBSON. And that's no more than truth. Yes, Jim, in the estimation of
+my fellow men, I give forth words of weight. In the eyes of my daughters
+I'm a windbag. (_Rises and moves down_ L.).
+
+JIM. Nay. Never!
+
+HOBSON. I am. (_Turns_.) They scorn my wisdom, Jim. They answer back.
+I'm landed in a hole--a great and undignified hole. My own daughters
+have got the upper hand of me.
+
+JIM. Women are worse than men for getting above themselves.
+
+HOBSON. A woman's foolishness begins where man's leaves off.
+
+JIM. They want a firm hand, Henry.
+
+HOBSON. I've lifted up my voice and roared at them.
+
+JIM. Beware of roaring at women, Henry. Roaring is mainly hollow sound.
+It's like trying to defeat an army with banging drums instead of cold
+steel. And it's steel in a man's character that subdues the women.
+
+HOBSON. I've tried all ways, and I'm fair moithered. I dunno what to do.
+(_Scratches his head_.)
+
+JIM. Then you quit roaring at 'em and get 'em wed. (_Rises_.)
+
+HOBSON. I've thought of that. Trouble is to find the men.
+
+JIM. Men's common enough. Are you looking for angels in breeches?
+
+HOBSON. I'd like my daughters to wed temperance young men, Jim.
+
+JIM. You keep your ambitions within reasonable limits, Henry. You've
+three daughters to find husbands for.
+
+HOBSON. Two, Jim, two.
+
+JIM. Two?
+
+HOBSON. Vickey and Alice are mostly window dressing in the shop. But
+Maggie's too useful to part with. And she's a bit on the ripe side for
+marrying, is our Maggie.
+
+JIM. I've seen 'em do it at double her age. Still, leaving her out,
+you've two.
+
+HOBSON. One'll do for a start, Jim. (_Crosses to_ R.) It's a thing I've
+noticed about wenches. Get one wedding in a family and it goes through
+the lot like measles. (_Moves round chair to up_ R.)
+
+JIM. Well, you want a man, and you want him temperance. It'll cost you a
+bit, you know. (_Sits in chair below_ L. _side of counter_.)
+
+HOBSON (_going to him_). Eh? Oh, I'll get my hand down for the wedding
+all right.
+
+JIM. A warm man like you 'ull have to do more than that. There's things
+called settlements.
+
+HOBSON. Settlements?
+
+JIM. Aye. You've to bait your hook to catch fish, Henry.
+
+HOBSON. Then I'll none go fishing. (_Sits_.)
+
+JIM. But you said--
+
+HOBSON. I've changed my mind. I'd a fancy for a bit of peace, but
+there's luxuries a man can buy too dear. Settlements indeed!
+
+JIM. I had a man in mind.
+
+HOBSON. You keep him there, Jim. I'll rub along and chance it.
+Settlements indeed!
+
+JIM. You save their keep.
+
+HOBSON. They work for that. And they're none of them big eaters.
+
+JIM. And their wages.
+
+HOBSON. Wages? Do you think I pay wages to my own daughters? (_Rises and
+goes to desk_ L.) I'm not a fool.
+
+JIM. Then it's all off? (_Rises_.)
+
+HOBSON (_turns_). From the moment that you breathed the word
+"settlements" it was dead off, Jim. Let's go to the "Moonraker's" and
+forget there's such a thing as women in the world. (_He takes up hat and
+rings bell on counter_.) Shop! Shop!
+
+(MAGGIE _enters from_ R.)
+
+I'm going out, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE (_She remains by door_). Dinner's at one, remember.
+
+HOBSON. Dinner will be when I come in for it. I'm master here. (_Moves
+to go_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, father. One o'clock.
+
+HOBSON (_disgusted_.) Come along, Jim.
+
+(JIM _and_ HOBSON _go out to street_. MAGGIE _turns to speak inside_ R.
+_door_.) MAGGIE. Dinner at half-past one, girls. We'll give him half an
+hour. (_She closes door, turns arm-chair facing C. and moves to trap,
+which she raises_.) Willie, come here.
+
+(_In a moment_ WILLIE _appears, and stops half-way up_.)
+
+WILLIE. Yes, Miss Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE (L. _of trap_.) Come up, and put the trap down, I want to talk to
+you.
+
+(_He comes, reluctantly_.)
+
+WILLIE. We're very busy in the cellar.
+
+(MAGGIE _points to trap. He closes it_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Show me your hands, Willie.
+
+WILLIE. They're dirty. (_He holds them out hesitatingly_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, they're dirty, but they're clever. They can shape the
+leather like no other man's that ever came into the shop. Who taught
+you, Willie? (_She retains his hands_.)
+
+WILLIE. Why, Miss Maggie, I learnt my trade here.
+
+MAGGIE. Hobson's never taught you to make boots the way you do.
+
+WILLIE. I've had no other teacher.
+
+MAGGIE (_dropping his hands_.) And needed none. You're a natural born
+genius at making boots. It's a pity you're a natural fool at all else.
+
+WILLIE. I'm not much good at owt but leather, and that's a fact.
+
+MAGGIE. When are you going to leave Hobson's?
+
+WILLIE. Leave Hobson's? I--I thought I gave satisfaction.
+
+MAGGIE. Don't you want to leave?
+
+WILLIE. Not me. I've been at Hobson's all my life, and I'm not for
+leaving till I'm made.
+
+MAGGIE. I said you were a fool.
+
+WILLIE. Then I'm a loyal fool.
+
+MAGGIE. Don't you want to get on, Will Mossop? You heard what Mrs.
+Hepworth said. You know the wages you get and you know the wages a
+bootmaker like you could get in one of the big shops in Manchester.
+
+WILLIE. Nay, I'd be feared to go in them fine places.
+
+MAGGIE. What keeps you here? Is it the--the people?
+
+WILLIE. I dunno what it is. I'm used to being here.
+
+MAGGIE. Do you know what keeps this business on its legs? Two things:
+one's the good boots you make that sell themselves, the other's the bad
+boots other people make and I sell. We're a pair, Will Mossop.
+
+WILLIE. You're a wonder in the shop, Miss Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. And you're a marvel in the workshop. Well?
+
+WILLIE. Well, what?
+
+MAGGIE. It seems to me to point one way.
+
+WILLIE. What way is that?
+
+MAGGIE. You're leaving me to do the work, my lad.
+
+WILLIE. I'll be getting back to my stool, Miss Maggie. (_Moves to
+trap_.)
+
+MAGGIE (_stopping him_). You'll go back when I've done with you. I've
+watched you for a long time and everything I've seen, I've liked. I
+think you'll do for me.
+
+WILLIE. What way, Miss Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. Will Mossop, you're my man. Six months I've counted on you and
+it's got to come out some time.
+
+WILLIE. But I never--
+
+MAGGIE. I know you never, or it 'ud not be left to me to do the job like
+this.
+
+WILLIE. I'll--I'll sit down. (_He sits in arm-chair, mopping his brow_.)
+I'm feeling queer-like. What dost want me for?
+
+MAGGIE. To invest in. You're a business idea in the shape of a man.
+
+WILLIE. I've got no head for business at all.
+
+MAGGIE. But I have. My brain and your hands 'ull make a working
+partnership.
+
+WILLIE (_getting up, relieved_). Partnership! Oh, that's a different
+thing. I thought you were axing me to wed you. (_Moves up stage_.)
+
+MAGGIE. I am.
+
+WILLIE (_sitting in front of counter_). Well, by gum! And you the
+master's daughter.
+
+MAGGIE. Maybe that's why, Will Mossop. (_Moving up stage_.) Maybe I've
+had enough of father, and you're as different from him as any man I
+know. (_Sits_ L. _of him_.)
+
+WILLIE. It's a bit awkward-like.
+
+MAGGIE. And you don't help me any, lad. What's awkward about it?
+
+WILLIE. You talking to me like this.
+
+MAGGIE. I'll tell you something, Will. It's a poor sort of woman who'll
+stay lazy when she sees her best chance slipping from her. A Salford
+life's too near the bone to lose things through the fear of speaking
+out.
+
+WILLIE. I'm your best chance?
+
+MAGGIE. You are that, Will.
+
+WILLIE. Well, by gum! (_Rises_.) I never thought of this.
+
+MAGGIE. Think of it now.
+
+WILLIE. I am doing. Only the blow's a bit too sudden to think very
+clear. I've a great respect for you, Miss Maggie. You're a shapely body,
+and you're a masterpiece at selling in the shop, but when it comes to
+marrying, I'm bound to tell you that I'm none in love with you.
+
+MAGGIE. Wait till you're asked. (_Rises_.) I want your hand in mine and
+your word for it that you'll go through life with me for the best we can
+get out of it.
+
+WILLIE. We'd not get much without there's love between us, lass.
+
+MAGGIE. I've got the love all right.
+
+WILLIE. Well, I've not, and that's honest.
+
+MAGGIE. We'll get along without.
+
+WILLIE. You're desperate set on this. It's a puzzle to me all ways. What
+'ud your father say?
+
+MAGGIE. He'll say a lot, and he can say it. It'll make no difference to
+me.
+
+WILLIE. Much better not upset him. It's not worth while.
+
+MAGGIE. I'm judge of that. You're going to wed me, Will.
+
+WILLIE. Oh, nay, I'm not. Really I can't do that, Maggie. I can see that
+I'm disturbing your arrangements like, but I'll be obliged if you'll put
+this notion from you.
+
+MAGGIE. When I make arrangements, my lad, they're not made for
+upsetting.
+
+WILLIE. What makes it so desperate awkward is that I'm tokened.
+
+MAGGIE. You're what?
+
+WILLIE. I'm tokened to Ada Figgins.
+
+MAGGIE. Then you'll get loose and quick. Who's Ada Figgins? Do I know
+her? (_Moves_ L. _and turns_.)
+
+WILLIE. I'm the lodger at her mother's.
+
+MAGGIE. The scheming hussy. It's not that sandy gill who brings your
+dinner? (_Moves_ C.)
+
+WILLIE. She's golden-haired is Ada. Aye, she'll be here soon.
+
+MAGGIE. And so shall I. I'll talk to Ada. I've seen her and I know the
+breed. Ada's the helpless sort. (_Turns_ L.)
+
+WILLIE. She needs protecting.
+
+MAGGIE. That's how she got you, was it? (_Turns_ C.) Yes, I can see her
+clinging round your neck until you fancied you were strong. But I'll
+tell you this, my lad, it's a desperate poor kind of a woman that'll
+look for protection to the likes of you.
+
+WILLIE. Ada does.
+
+MAGGIE. And that gives me the weight of her. She's born to meekness, Ada
+is. You wed her, and you'll be an eighteen shilling a week bootmaker all
+the days of your life. You'll be a slave, and a contented slave.
+
+WILLIE. I'm not ambitious that I know of.
+
+MAGGIE. No. But you're going to be. I'll see to that. I've got my work
+cut out, but there's the makings of a man about you.
+
+WILLIE. I wish you'd leave me alone. (_Sits_ R.)
+
+MAGGIE. So does the fly when the spider catches him. You're my man,
+Willie Mossop. (_Moves to desk_.)
+
+WILLIE. Aye, so you say. Ada would tell another story, though.
+
+(ADA FIGGINS _enters from street. She is not ridiculous, but a weak,
+poor-blooded, poor-spirited girl of twenty, in clogs and shawl, with_
+WILLIE'S _dinner in a basin carried in a blue handkerchief. She crosses
+to him and gives him the basin_.)
+
+ADA (C.). There's your dinner, Will.
+
+WILLIE. Thank you, Ada. (_Rises_.)
+
+(_She turns to go, and finds_ MAGGIE _in her way_.)
+
+MAGGIE. I want a word with you. You're treading on my foot, young woman.
+
+ADA. Me, Miss Hobson? (_She looks stupidly at_ MAGGIE'S _feet_.)
+
+MAGGIE. What's this with you and him?
+
+ADA (_gushing_). Oh, Miss 'Obson, it is good of you to take notice like
+that.
+
+WILLIE. Ada, she--
+
+MAGGIE. You hold your hush. This is for me and her to settle. Take a
+fair look at him, Ada.
+
+ADA. At Will?
+
+MAGGIE (_nodding_). Not much for two women to fall out over, is there?
+
+ADA. Maybe he's not so much to look at, but you should hear him play.
+
+MAGGIE. Play? Are you a musician, Will?
+
+WILLIE. I play the Jew's harp.
+
+MAGGIE. That's what you see in him, is it? A gawky fellow that plays the
+Jew's harp?
+
+ADA. I see the lad I love, Miss 'Obson.
+
+MAGGIE. It's a funny thing, but I can say the same.
+
+ADA. You!
+
+WILLIE. That's what I've been trying to tell you, Ada, and--and, by gum,
+she'll have me from you if you don't be careful.
+
+MAGGIE. So we're quits so far, Ada.
+
+ADA. You'll pardon me. You've spoke too late. Will and me's tokened.
+(_She takes his arm_.)
+
+MAGGIE. That's the past. It's the future that I'm looking to. What's
+your idea for that?
+
+ADA. You mind your own business, Miss 'Obson. Will Mossop's no concern
+of thine.
+
+WILLIE. That's what I try to tell her myself, only she will have it it's
+no use.
+
+MAGGIE. Not an atom. I've asked for your idea of Willie's future. If
+it's a likelier one than mine, I'll give you best and you can have the
+lad.
+
+ADA. I'm trusting him to make the future right.
+
+MAGGIE. It's as bad as I thought it was. Willie, you wed me.
+
+ADA (_weakly_). It's daylight robbery. (_Moves slightly_ L.)
+
+WILLIE. Aren't you going to put up a better fight for me than that, Ada?
+You're fair giving me to her.
+
+MAGGIE. Will Mossop, you take your orders from me in this shop. I've
+told you you'll wed me.
+
+WILLIE. Seems like there's no escape. (_Sits in arm-chair_.)
+
+ADA (_angry_). Wait while I get you to home, my lad. I'll set my mother
+on to you.
+
+MAGGIE. Oh, so it's her mother made this match!
+
+WILLIE. She had above a bit to do with it.
+
+MAGGIE. I've got no mother, Will.
+
+WILLIE. You need none, neither.
+
+MAGGIE. Well, can I sell you a pair of clogs, Miss Figgins?
+
+ADA. No. Nor anything else.
+
+MAGGIE. Then you've no business here, have you? (_Moves up to doors and
+opens them_.)
+
+ADA (_going to him_). Will, are you going to see me ordered out?
+
+WILLIE. It's her shop, Ada.
+
+ADA. You mean I'm to go like this?
+
+WILLIE. She means it.
+
+ADA. It's cruel hard. (_Moves towards doors_.)
+
+MAGGIE. When it comes to a parting, it's best to part sudden and no
+whimpering about it.
+
+ADA. I'm not whimpering, and I'm not parting, neither. But he'll whimper
+to-night when my mother sets about him. (_Slight movement back to him_.)
+
+MAGGIE. That'll do.
+
+ADA (_in almost a scream_). Will Mossop, I'm telling you, you'll come
+home to-night to a thick ear.
+
+(_She goes_.)
+
+WILLIE (_rising_). I'd really rather wed Ada, Maggie, if it's all same
+to you.
+
+MAGGIE. Why? Because of her mother?
+
+WILLIE. She's a terrible rough side to her tongue, has Mrs. Figgins.
+
+MAGGIE. Are you afraid of her?
+
+WILLIE (_hesitates, then says_). Yes.
+
+MAGGIE. You needn't be.
+
+WILLIE. Yes, but you don't know her. She'll jaw me till I'm black in the
+face when I go home to-night.
+
+MAGGIE. You won't go home to-night.
+
+WILLIE. Not go?
+
+MAGGIE. You've done with lodging there. You'll go to Tubby Wadlow's
+when you knock off work and Tubby'll go round to Mrs. Figgins for your
+things.
+
+WILLIE. And I'm not to go back there never no more?
+
+MAGGIE. No.
+
+WILLIE. It's like an 'appy dream. Eh, Maggie, you do manage things.
+
+(_He opens the trap_.)
+
+MAGGIE. And while Tubby's there you can go round and see about putting
+the banns up for us two.
+
+WILLIE. Banns! Oh, but I'm hardly used to the idea yet. (_A step down_.)
+
+MAGGIE. You'll have three weeks to get used to it in. Now you can kiss
+me, Will.
+
+WILLIE. That's forcing things a bit, and all. It's like saying I agree
+to everything, a kiss is.
+
+MAGGIE. Yes.
+
+WILLIE. And I don't agree yet. I'm--
+
+MAGGIE. Come along.
+
+(ALICE, _then_ VICKEY _enter_ R.)
+
+Do what I tell you, Will.
+
+WILLIE. Now? With them here?
+
+MAGGIE. Yes.
+
+WILLIE (_pause_). I couldn't. (_He dives for trap, runs down, and closes
+it_.)
+
+ALICE. What's the matter with Willie?
+
+MAGGIE. He's a bit upset because I've told him he's to marry me. Is
+dinner cooking nicely? (_To desk_, L.)
+
+ALICE. You're going to marry Willie Mossop! Willie Mossop!
+
+VICKEY. You've kept it quiet, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. You know about it pretty near as soon as Willie does himself.
+
+VICKEY. Well, I don't know!
+
+ALICE. I know, and if you're afraid to speak your thoughts, I'm not.
+Look here, Maggie--(_moving to_ L. C.),--what you do touches us,
+and you're mistaken if you think I'll own Willie Mossop for my
+brother-in-law.
+
+MAGGIE. Is there supposed to be some disgrace in him?
+
+ALICE. You ask father if there's disgrace. And look at me. I'd hopes of
+Albert Prosser till this happened.
+
+MAGGIE. You'll marry Albert Prosser when he's able, and that'll be when
+ho starts spending less on laundry bills and hair cream. (_Goes to_ R.)
+
+(HOBSON _enters from the street_.)
+
+HOBSON. Well, what about that dinner? (_Comes_ C.)
+
+(_The positions are_ MAGGIE R., VICKEY _up_ R. C., HOBSON _up_ C., ALICE
+L. C.) MAGGIE. It'll be ready in ten minutes.
+
+HOBSON. You said one o'clock.
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, father. One for half-past. If you'll wash your hands, it'll
+be ready as soon as you are.
+
+HOBSON. I won't wash my hands. I don't hold with such finicking ways,
+and well you know it. (_Sits in front of counter_.)
+
+VICKEY. Father, have you heard the news about our Maggie? (_Down_ R. C.)
+
+HOBSON. News? There is no news. It's the same old tale. Uppishness.
+You'd keep a starving man from the meat he earns in the sweat of his
+brow, would you? I'll put you in your places. I'll--(_Rises_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Don't lose your temper, father. You'll maybe need it soon when
+Vickey speaks. (_Moves down_ R.)
+
+HOBSON. What's Vickey been doing?
+
+VICKEY. Nothing. It's about Will Mossop, father.
+
+HOBSON. Will?
+
+ALICE. Yes. What's your opinion of Will?
+
+HOBSON. A decent lad. I've nowt against him that I know of.
+
+ALICE. Would you like him in the family?
+
+HOBSON. Whose family? (_Coming down_ C.)
+
+VICKEY. Yours.
+
+MAGGIE. I'm going to marry Willie, father. That's what all the fuss is
+about.
+
+HOBSON. Marry--you--Mossop? (_Moves to her_.)
+
+MAGGIE. You thought me past the marrying age. I'm not. That's all.
+
+HOBSON. Didn't you hear me say I'd do the choosing when it came to a
+question of husbands?
+
+MAGGIE. You said I was too old to get a husband.
+
+HOBSON. You are. You all are.
+
+VICKEY. Father!
+
+HOBSON. (_crossing to_ C.) And if you're not, it makes no matter. I'll
+have no husbands here.
+
+(VICKEY R., ALICE L. _of_ HOBSON.)
+
+ALICE. But you said--
+
+HOBSON. I've changed my mind. I've learnt some things since then.
+There's a lot too much expected of a father nowadays. There'll be no
+weddings here.
+
+ALICE. Oh, father!
+
+HOBSON (_taking them down_). Go and get my dinner served and talk less.
+Go on now. I'm not in right temper to be crossed.
+
+(_He drives_ ALICE _and_ VICKEY _before him. They go out protesting
+loudly. But MAGGIE stands in his way as he follows and she closes the
+door. She looks at him from the stair_.)
+
+MAGGIE. You and I 'ull be straight with one another, father. I'm not
+a fool and you're not a fool, and things may as well be put in their
+places as left untidy.
+
+HOBSON. I tell you my mind's made up. You can't have Willie Mossop. Why,
+lass, his father was a workhouse brat. A come-by-chance. (_Moves_ C.)
+
+MAGGIE. It's news to me we're snobs in Salford. I have Willie Mossop.
+I've to settle my life's course, and a good course, too, so think on.
+
+HOBSON. I'd be the laughing-stock of the place if I allowed it. I won't
+have it, Maggie. It's hardly decent at your time of life.
+
+MAGGIE. I'm thirty and I'm marrying Willie Mossop. And now I'll tell you
+my terms.
+
+HOBSON. You're in a nice position to state terms, my lass.
+
+MAGGIE. You will pay my man, Will Mossop, the same wages as before.
+And as for me, I've given you the better part of twenty years of work
+without wages. I'll work eight hours a day in future and you will pay me
+fifteen shillings by the week.
+
+HOBSON. Do you think I'm made of brass?
+
+MAGGIE. You'll soon be made of less than you are if you let Willie go.
+And if Willie goes, I go. That's what you've got to face.
+
+HOBSON. I might face it, Maggie. Shop hands are cheap.
+
+MAGGIE. Cheap ones are cheap. The sort you'd have to watch all day,
+and you'd feel happy helping them to tie up parcels and sell laces with
+Tudsbury and Heeler and Minns supping their ale without you. I'm value
+to you, so's my man; and you can boast it at the "Moonraker's" that your
+daughter Maggie's made the strangest, finest match a woman's made this
+fifty year. And you can put your hand in your pocket and do what I
+propose.
+
+HOBSON. I'll show you what I propose, Maggie. (_He lifts trap and
+calls_.) Will Mossop! (_He places hat on counter and unbuckles belt_.)
+I cannot leather you, my lass. You're female, and exempt, but I can
+leather him. Come up, Will Mossop.
+
+(WILL _comes up trap and closes it_.)
+
+You've taken up with my Maggie, I hear. (_He conceals strap_.)
+
+WILLIE. Nay, I've not. She's done the taking up.
+
+HOBSON. Well, Willie, either way, you've fallen on misfortune. Love's
+led you astray, and I feel bound to put you right. (_Shows strap_.)
+
+WILLIE. Maggie, what's this? (_Moves down_ R. _a little_.)
+
+MAGGIE. I'm watching you, my lad.
+
+HOBSON. Mind, Willie, you can keep your job. I don't bear malice, but
+we must beat the love from your body, and every morning you come here to
+work with love still sitting in you, you'll get a leathering. (_Getting
+ready to strike_.)
+
+WILLIE. You'll not beat love in me. You're making a great mistake, Mr.
+Hobson, and--
+
+HOBSON. You'll put aside your weakness for my Maggie if you've a liking
+for a sound skin. You'll waste a gradely lot of brass at chemist's if I
+am at you for a week with this. (_He swings the strap_.)
+
+WILLIE. I'm none wanting thy Maggie, it's her that's after me, but I'll
+tell you this, Mr. Hobson--(_seizing_ MAGGIE _roughly by the arm_),--if
+you touch me with that belt, I'll take her quick, aye, and stick to her
+like glue.
+
+HOBSON. There's nobbut one answer to that kind of talk, my lad. (_He
+strikes with belt_. MAGGIE _shrinks_.)
+
+WILLIE. And I've nobbut one answer back. Maggie, I've none kissed you
+yet. I shirked before. But, by gum, I'll kiss you now--(_he kisses her
+quickly, with temper, not with passion, as quickly leaves her, to face_
+HOBSON)-and take you and hold you. And if Mr. Hobson raises up that
+strap again, I'll do more. I'll walk straight out of shop with thee and
+us two 'ull set up for ourselves.
+
+MAGGIE. Willie! I knew you had it in you, lad. (_She puts her arm
+round his neck. He is quite unresponsive. His hands fall limply to his
+sides_.)
+
+(HOBSON _stands in amazed indecision_.)
+
+CURTAIN.
+
+
+
+ACT II
+
+_A month later. The shop as Act I. It is about mid-day_. ALICE _is in_
+MAGGIE'S _chair at the desk, some ledgers in front of her, and_ VICKEY
+_is reading behind the counter. The trap is open and_ TUBBY _stands near
+the desk by_ ALICE.
+
+ALICE. I'm sure I don't know what to tell you to do, Tubby.
+
+TUBBY. There's nothing in at all to start on, Miss Alice. We're worked
+up.
+
+ALICE. Well, father's out and I can't help you.
+
+TUBBY. He'll play old Harry if he comes in and finds us doing nowt in
+the workroom.
+
+VICKEY. Then do something. We're not stopping you. (_Rises and moves
+over to_ R.)
+
+TUBBY (_turning on her_). You're not telling me neither. And I'm
+supposed to take my orders from the shop.
+
+ALICE. I don't know what to tell you. Nobody seems to want any boots
+made.
+
+TUBBY. The high-class trade has dropped like a stone this last month. Of
+course we can go on making clogs for stock if you like.
+
+ALICE. Then you'd better.
+
+TUBBY. You know what's got by selling clogs won't pay the rent, let
+alone wages, but if clogs are your orders, Miss Alice--(_He moves
+towards trap_.)
+
+ALICE. You suggested it.
+
+TUBBY. I made the remark. (_Starts going down_.) But I'm not a rash man,
+and I'm not going to be responsible to the master with his temper so
+nowty and all since Miss Maggie went.
+
+ALICE. Oh, dear! What would Miss Maggie have told you to do?
+
+TUBBY. I couldn't tell you that, Miss, I'm sure. I don't recollect
+things being as slack as this in her time.
+
+VICKEY. You don't help us much for an intelligent foreman.
+
+TUBBY. When you've told me what to do, I'll use my intelligence and see
+it's done properly.
+
+ALICE. Then go and make clogs.
+
+TUBBY. Them's your orders?
+
+ALICE. Yes.
+
+TUBBY. Thank you, Miss Alice.
+
+(TUBBY _goes down trap and closes it_.)
+
+ALICE (_rises and moves up_ L.). I wonder if I've done right?
+
+VICKEY. That's your look-out.
+
+ALICE. I don't care. It's father's place to be here to tell them what to
+do.
+
+VICKEY. Maggie used to manage without him.
+
+ALICE. Oh, yes. Go on. Blame me that the place is all at sixes and
+sevens. (_Coming down to desk_.)
+
+VICKEY. I don't blame you. I know as well as you do that it's father's
+fault. He ought to look after his business himself instead of wasting
+more time than ever in the "Moonraker's," but you needn't be snappy with
+me about it.
+
+ALICE. I'm not snappy in myself. (_Sitting at desk_.) It's these
+figures. I can't get them right. What's 17 and 25?
+
+VICKEY (_promptly_). Fifty-two, of course.
+
+ALICE. Well, it doesn't balance right. Oh, I wish I was married and out
+of it. (_Closes book_.)
+
+VICKEY. Same here.
+
+ALICE. You! (_Rises_.)
+
+VICKEY. You needn't think you're the only one.
+
+ALICE. Well, you're sly, Vickey Hobson. You've kept it to yourself.
+
+VICKEY. It's just as well now that I did. Maggie's spoilt our chances
+for ever. Nobody's fretting to get Willie Mossop for a brother-in-law.
+
+(MAGGIE _enters, followed by_ FREDDY BEENSTOCK _and then_ WILL. MAGGIE
+_and_ WILL _are actually about to be married, but their dress does not
+specially indicate it. They are not in their older clothes, and that is
+all_. FREDDY _is smarter than either, though only in his everyday dress.
+He is not at all a blood, but the respectable son of a respectable
+tradesman, and his appearance is such as to justify his attractiveness
+in_ VICKEY'S _eyes_. WILL, _very shy, remains up_ L. C. _near the
+counter_.)
+
+ALICE. Maggie, you here!
+
+MAGGIE. I thought we'd just drop in. Vickey, what's this that Mr.
+Beenstock's telling me about you and him?
+
+VICKEY (_sullenly_). If he's told you I suppose you know.
+
+FREDDY (L. _of counter, smilingly_). She got it out of me, Vickey.
+
+VICKEY. I don't know that it's any business of yours, Maggie.
+
+(_The positions now are_ VICKEY R., MAGGIE R. C., FREDDY C., WILL _up_
+L. C., ALICE _down_ L. C.)
+
+MAGGIE. You'll never get no farther with it by yourselves from what I
+hear of father's carryings-on.
+
+VICKEY. That's your fault. Yours and his. (_Moving behind counter and
+indicating_ WILLIE, _who is trying to efface himself at the back_.)
+
+MAGGIE (_sharply_). Leave that alone. I'm here to help you if you'll
+have my help.
+
+(VICKEY _would say "No" but--_)
+
+FREDDY. It's very good of you, Miss Maggie, I must say. Your father has
+turned very awkward.
+
+MAGGIE. I reckon he'll change. Has your young man been in yet this
+morning, Alice? (_Moves to desk_.)
+
+(FREDDY _moves to_ VICKEY _and leaning across the counter carries on a
+mild flirtation with her_.)
+
+ALICE (_indignantly_). My young--
+
+MAGGIE. Albert Prosser.
+
+ALICE. No.
+
+MAGGIE. Do you expect him?
+
+ALICE. He's not been here so often since you and Willie Mossop got--
+
+MAGGIE (_sharply_). Since when?
+
+ALICE. Since you made him buy that pair of boots he didn't want.
+
+MAGGIE (_moving_ C.). I see. He didn't like paying for taking his
+pleasure in our shop. Well, if he's not expected, somebody must go for
+him. Prosser, Pilkington & Prosser, Solicitors of Bexley Square. That's
+right, isn't it?
+
+ALICE. Yes. Albert's "and Prosser."
+
+MAGGIE (_moving up stage_ R.). Aye? Quite a big man in his way. Then,
+will you go and fetch him, Mr. Beenstock? Tell him to bring the paper
+with him.
+
+VICKEY (_dropping down_ R., _indignantly_). You're ordering folk about a
+bit.
+
+MAGGIE. I'm used to it.
+
+FREDDY. It's all right, Vickey.
+
+ALICE. Is it? Suppose father comes in and finds Albert and Freddy here?
+
+MAGGIE. He won't.
+
+ALICE. He's beyond his time already.
+
+MAGGIE. I know. You must have worried father very badly since I went,
+Alice. (_Goes to_ ALICE, L.)
+
+ALICE. Why?
+
+MAGGIE. Tell them, Mr. Beenstock.
+
+FREDDY. Well, the fact is, Mr. Hobson won't come because he's at our
+place just now.
+
+VICKEY. At your corn warehouse? What's father doing there?
+
+FREDDY. He's--he's sleeping, Vickey.
+
+ALICE. Sleeping?
+
+(WILLIE _sits on a chair in front of the counter_.)
+
+FREDDY. You see, we've a cellar trap in our place that opens in the
+pavement and your father--wasn't looking very carefully where he was
+going and he fell into it.
+
+VICKEY. Fell? Is father hurt? (_Up to_ FREDDY.)
+
+FREDDY. He's snoring very loudly, but he isn't hurt. He fell soft on
+some bags.
+
+MAGGIE. Now you can go for Albert Prosser.
+
+(FREDDY _moves to doors_. L.)
+
+ALICE. Is that all we're to be told?
+
+MAGGIE. It's all there is to tell till Freddy's seen his solicitor.
+
+FREDDY (_to_ VICKEY). I'll not be long.
+
+MAGGIE. Don't. I've a job here for you when you get back.
+
+(FREDDY _goes out_ L.)
+
+ALICE. I don't know what you're aiming at, Maggie, but--
+
+MAGGIE. The difference between us is that I do. I always did. (_Goes_
+L.)
+
+VICKEY (_indicating_ WILLIE). It's a queer thing you aimed at. (_Moves
+up to behind counter_.)
+
+MAGGIE (_moving up to_ WILL). I've done uncommon well myself, and I've
+come here to put things straight for you. Father told you to get married
+and you don't shape.
+
+ALICE. He changed his mind.
+
+MAGGIE. I don't allow for folks to change their minds. He made his
+choice. He said get married, and you're going to.
+
+VICKEY. You haven't made it easier for us, you know.
+
+MAGGIE. Meaning Willie?
+
+WILLIE. It wasn't my fault, Miss Vickey, really it wasn't.
+
+MAGGIE. You call her Vickey, Will.
+
+VICKEY. No, he doesn't. (_Drops down stage_ R.)
+
+MAGGIE. He's in the family or going to be. And I'll tell you this. If
+you want your Freddy, and if you want your Albert, you'll be respectful
+to my Willie.
+
+ALICE. Willie Mossop was our boot hand.
+
+MAGGIE. He was, and you'll let bygones be bygones. He's as good as you
+are now, and better.
+
+WILLIE. Nay, come, Maggie--
+
+MAGGIE. Better, I say. They're shop assistants. You're your own master,
+aren't you?
+
+WILLIE. I've got my name wrote up on the windows, but I dunno so much
+about being master.
+
+MAGGIE (_producing card and moving down_ L. _to_ ALICE). That's his
+business card, William Mossop, Practical Boot and Shoe Maker, 39a,
+Oldfield Road, Salford. William Mossop, Master Bootmaker! That's the man
+you're privileged to call by his Christian name. Aye, and I'll do more
+for you than let you call him in his name. You can both of you kiss him
+for your brother-in-law to be.
+
+WILLIE (_rising_). Nay, Maggie, I'm no great hand at kissing.
+
+(VICKEY _and_ ALICE _are much annoyed_.)
+
+MAGGIE (_dryly_). I've noticed that. A bit of practice will do you no
+harm. Come along, Vickey.
+
+ALICE (_interposing_). But, Maggie ... a shop of your own--
+
+MAGGIE (_grimly_). I'm waiting, Vickey.
+
+WILLIE. I don't see that you ought to drive her to it, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. You hold your hush. (_Crosses_ R. _to_ VICKEY.)
+
+ALICE. But however did you manage it? Where did the capital come from?
+
+MAGGIE. It came. Will, stand still. She's making up her mind to it.
+
+WILLIE. I'd just as lief not put her to the trouble.
+
+MAGGIE. You'll take your proper place in this family, my lad, trouble or
+no trouble.
+
+VICKEY. I don't see why you should always get your way.
+
+MAGGIE. It's just a habit. Come along now, Vickey, I've a lot to do
+to-day and you're holding everything back.
+
+VICKEY. It's under protest.
+
+MAGGIE. Protest, but kiss.
+
+(VICKEY _goes to and kisses_ WILL, _who finds he rather likes it.
+She moves back_ R., _then goes up to case up_ R. _and starts dusting
+furiously_.)
+
+Your turn now, Alice.
+
+ALICE. I'll do it if you'll help me with these books, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. Books? Father's put you in my place? (_Goes_ L. C.)
+
+ALICE. Yes.
+
+MAGGIE. Then he must take the consequences. Your books aren't my affair.
+
+ALICE. I think you might help me, Maggie.
+
+(VICKEY _glances back at_ WILL.)
+
+MAGGIE. I'm surprised at you, Alice, I really am, after what you've
+just been told. Exposing your books to a rival shop. You ought to know
+better. Will's waiting. And you're to kiss him hearty now.
+
+ALICE. Very well. (_She moves_ C. _and kisses_ WILL, _then goes back_
+L.)
+
+WILLIE. There's more in kissing nice young women than I thought.
+
+MAGGIE. Don't get too fond of it, my lad. (_She goes to him_.)
+
+ALICE. Well, I hope you're satisfied, Maggie. You've got your way again,
+and now perhaps you'll tell us if there's anything you want in this
+shop.
+
+MAGGIE. Eh? Are you trying to sell me something?
+
+ALICE. I'm asking you, what's your business here?
+
+MAGGIE. I've told you once. Will and me's taking a day off to put you in
+the way of getting wed.
+
+VICKEY (_moving to back of counter_). It looks like things are slow at
+your new shop if you can walk round in your best clothes on a working
+day.
+
+WILLIE. It's not a working day with us. It's a wedding-day.
+
+ALICE. You've been married this morning!
+
+MAGGIE. Not us. (_Goes to_ R.) I'll have my sisters there when I get
+wed. It's at one o'clock at St. Philip's. (_Sits_ R.)
+
+VICKEY. But we can't leave the shop to come.
+
+MAGGIE. Why not? Is trade so brisk?
+
+VICKEY. No, but--
+
+(WILLIE _sits in front of counter_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Not so much high-class trade doing with you, eh?
+
+ALICE. I don't see how you knew.
+
+MAGGIE. I'm good at guessing. You'll not miss owt by coming with us to
+church, and we'll expect you at home to-night for a wedding-spread.
+
+VICKEY. It's asking us to approve.
+
+MAGGIE. You have approved. You've kissed the bridegroom and you'll go
+along with us. Father's safe where he is. (_Rises and crosses_ L.)
+
+ALICE. And the shop?
+
+MAGGIE. Tubby can see to the shop. And that reminds me. You _can_ sell
+me something. There are some rings in that drawer there, Vickey.
+
+VICKEY. Brass rings?
+
+MAGGIE. Yes. I want one. That's the size. (_She holds up her
+wedding-ring finger and moves to the counter_.)
+
+VICKEY. That! But you're not taking it for--
+
+(VICKEY _puts box of rings on counter_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, I am. Will and me aren't throwing money round, but we
+can pay our way. There's fourpence for the ring. Gather it up, Vickey.
+(_Putting down money and trying on rings_.)
+
+ALICE. Wedded with a brass ring!
+
+MAGGIE. This one will do. It's a nice fit. Alice, you haven't entered
+that sale in your book. No wonder you're worried with the accounts if
+that's the way you see to them. (_She comes down_ L. C. _and puts ring in
+her bag_.)
+
+ALICE. I'm a bit too much astonished at you to think about accounts. A
+ring out of stock!
+
+MAGGIE. They're always out of some one's stock.
+
+VICKEY. Well, I'd think shame to myself to be married with a ring like
+that.
+
+MAGGIE. When folks can't afford the best they have to do without.
+
+VICKEY. I'll take good care I never go without.
+
+MAGGIE. Semi-detached for you, I suppose, and a houseful of new
+furniture.
+
+ALICE. Haven't you furnished?
+
+MAGGIE. Partly what. We've made a start at the Flat Iron Market. (_Sits_
+L. _of_ WILLIE.)
+
+ALICE. I'd stay single sooner than have other people's cast-off sticks
+in my house. Where's your pride gone to, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. I'm not getting wed myself to help the furnishing trade along. I
+suppose you'd turn your nose up at second-hand stuff, too, Vickey?
+
+VICKEY. I'd start properly or not at all. (_Goes to desk_, L.)
+
+MAGGIE. Then you'll neither of you have any objections to my clearing
+out the lumber-room upstairs. (_Rises_.) We brought a hand-cart round
+with us. (_Nudges_ WILL.)
+
+(WILL _rises and takes his coat off. He has detachable cuffs which he
+places carefully on the arm-chair_.)
+
+VICKEY. You made sure of things.
+
+MAGGIE. Yes. Get upstairs, Will. I told you what to bring.
+
+ALICE. Wait a bit. (_Crosses to_ C.)
+
+MAGGIE. Go on. (_Moves_ R. _slightly_.)
+
+(WILL _goes into the house_.)
+
+ALICE. Let me tell you if you claim the furniture from your old
+bedroom--(_up to_ MAGGIE),--that it's my room now, and you'll not budge
+a stick of it.
+
+MAGGIE. I expected you'd promote yourself, Alice. But I said
+lumber-room. There's a two-three broken chairs in the attic and a sofa
+with the springs all gone. You'll not tell me they're of any use to you.
+
+ALICE. Nor to you, neither.
+
+MAGGIE. Will's handy with his fingers. He'll put in this afternoon
+mending them. They'll be secure against you come to sit on them at
+supper-time to-night.
+
+VICKEY. And that's the way you're going to live! With cast-off
+furniture. (_Moves to window_, L.)
+
+MAGGIE. Aye. In two cellars in Oldfield Road.
+
+VICKEY _and_ ALICE. A cellar!
+
+MAGGIE. _Two_ of 'em, Alice. One to live and work in and the other to
+sleep in.
+
+ALICE. Well, it 'ud not suit me.
+
+VICKEY. Nor me.
+
+MAGGIE. It suits me fine. And when me and Will are richer than the lot
+of you together, it'll be a grand satisfaction to look back and think
+about how we were when we began.
+
+(WILL _appears_ R. _with two crippled chairs and begins to cross the
+shop_.)
+
+VICKEY (_stopping him_). Just a minute, Will. (_She examines the
+chairs_.) These chairs are not so bad.
+
+MAGGIE. You can sit on one to-night and see.
+
+VICKEY. You know, mended up, those chairs would do very well for my
+kitchen when I'm wed.
+
+ALICE. Yes, or for mine.
+
+MAGGIE. I reckon my parlour comes afront of your kitchens, though.
+
+VICKEY. Parlour! I thought you said you'd only one living-room.
+
+MAGGIE. Then it might as well be called a parlour as by any other
+name. (_Crosses to doors_, L., _and opens them_.) Put the chairs on the
+hand-cart, Will.
+
+(WILL _goes out to street_.)
+
+And as for your kitchens, you've got none yet, and if you want my plan
+for you to work, you'll just remember all I'm taking off you is some
+crippled stuff that isn't yours and what I'm getting for you is marriage
+portions.
+
+ALICE. What? (_Moves to_ C.)
+
+VICKEY. Marriage portions, Maggie!
+
+(FREDDY _re-enters, accompanied by_ ALBERT.)
+
+MAGGIE (_to_ VICKEY _and_ ALICE). You'd better put your hats on now, or
+you'll be late at the church. (_Gets between_ ALICE _and_ VICKEY, C.)
+
+VICKEY. But aren't we to know first--?
+
+MAGGIE (_herding them to_ R. _exit_). You'll know all right. Be quick
+with your things now.
+
+(ALICE _and_ VICKEY _go out_ R.)
+
+MAGGIE (_turns_). Good morning, Albert. (_Goes to him_, L.) Have you got
+what Freddy asked you for?
+
+ALBERT. Yes, but I'm afraid--
+
+(WILL _re-enters from street, crosses_ R. _and goes off_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Never mind being afraid. Freddy, I told you I'd a job here for
+you. You go upstairs with Will. There's a sofa to come down. Get your
+coat off to it. Now, then, Albert.
+
+FREDDY. But--(_Moving over to_ R.)
+
+MAGGIE. I've told you what to do, and you can't do it in your coat.
+(_Moves down_ L.) If that sofa isn't here in two minutes, I'll leave the
+lot of you to tackle this yourselves and a nice hash you'll make of it.
+
+(FREDDY _takes his coat off and puts it on a chair in front of the
+counter_.)
+
+FREDDY. All right, Maggie.
+
+(FREDDY _goes out_ R., ALBERT _produces blue paper. She reads_.)
+
+MAGGIE (_sitting in arm-chair_, R. C.). Do you call this English?
+
+ALBERT (_standing_ L. _of her_). Legal English, Miss Hobson.
+
+MAGGIE. I thought it weren't the sort we talk in Lancashire. What is it
+when you've got behind the whereases and the saids and to wits?
+
+ALBERT. It's what you told Freddy to instruct me. Action against Henry
+Horatio Hobson for trespass on the premises of Jonathan Beenstock & Co.,
+Corn Merchants, of Chapel Street, Salford, with damages to certain corn
+bags caused by falling on them and further damages claimed for spying on
+the trade secrets of the aforesaid J. B. & Co.
+
+MAGGIE. Well, I'll take your word that this means that--I shouldn't
+have thought it, but I suppose lawyers are like doctors. They've each
+a secret language, of their own so that if you get a letter from one
+lawyer you've to take it to another to get it read, just like a doctor
+sends you to a chemist with a rigmarole that no one else can read, so
+they can charge you what they like for a drop of coloured water.
+
+ALBERT. I've made this out to your instructions, Miss Hobson, but I'm
+far from saying it's good law, and I'd not be keen on going into court
+with it.
+
+MAGGIE. Nobody asked you to. It won't come into court.
+
+(WILL _and_ FREDDY _enter C. with a ramshackle horsehair sofa_.)
+
+(_Rises_.) Open that door for them, Albert.
+
+(ALBERT _opens street door. They pass out_.)
+
+What's the time? You can see the clock from there.
+
+ALBERT (_outside street door_). It's a quarter to one.
+
+MAGGIE (_flying to_ R. _door, opening it, and calling_). Girls, if
+you're late for my wedding I'll never forgive you.
+
+(_She turns as_ WILL _and_ FREDDY _return_.)
+
+Put your coats on. Now, then, Freddy--(_going_ C.),--you take that paper
+and put it on _my_ father in _your_ cellar.
+
+FREDDY. Now?
+
+MAGGIE. Now? Yes, of course now. He might waken any time.
+
+FREDDY. He looked fast enough. Aren't I to come to the church?
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, if you do that quick enough to get there before we're
+through.
+
+FREDDY. All right. (_He goes out_ L., _pocketing the paper_. MAGGIE
+_follows him to the door_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Now there's that hand-cart. Are we to take it with us?
+
+ALBERT. To church! You can't do that.
+
+WILLIE. I'll take it home. (_Slight move_.)
+
+MAGGIE. And have me waiting for you at the church? That's not for me, my
+lad.
+
+ALBERT. You can't very well leave it where it is.
+
+MAGGIE. No. There's only one thing for it. You'll have to take it to our
+place, Albert.
+
+ALBERT. Me!
+
+MAGGIE. There's the key. (_Down to_ ALBERT, L., _and hands it from her
+bag_.) It's 39a, Oldfield Road.
+
+ALBERT. Yes, but to push a hand-cart through Salford in broad daylight!
+
+MAGGIE. It won't dirty your collar.
+
+ALBERT. Suppose some of my friends see me?
+
+(_They both move up_ L.)
+
+MAGGIE. Look here, my lad, if you're too proud to do a job like that,
+you're not the husband for my sister.
+
+ALBERT. It's the look of the thing. Can't you send somebody from here?
+
+MAGGIE. No. You can think it over. (_She raises trap_.) Tubby!
+
+TUBBY (_below_). Yes, Miss. (_He appears half-way up trap_.) Why, it's
+Miss Maggie!
+
+MAGGIE. Come up, Tubby. You're in charge of the shop. We'll all be out
+for awhile.
+
+TUBBY. I'll be up in half a minute, Miss Maggie. (_He goes down and
+closes trap_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Well, Albert Prosser?
+
+ALBERT (_up_ L.). I suppose I must.
+
+MAGGIE. That's right. We'll call it your wedding gift to me, and I'll
+allow you're putting yourself out a bit for me.
+
+(_Going with him to the door. He goes. She turns and comes to_ C.)
+
+Well, Will, you've not had much to say for yourself to-day. Howst
+feeling, lad?
+
+WILLIE. I'm going through with it, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. Eh?
+
+WILLIE. My mind's made up. I've got wrought up to point. I'm ready.
+
+MAGGIE. It's church we're going to, not the dentist's.
+
+WILLIE. I know. You get rid of summat at dentist's, but it's taking
+summat on to go to church with a wench, and the Lord knows what.
+
+MAGGIE. Sithee, Will, I've a respect for church. Yon's not the place for
+lies. The parson's going to ask you will you have me and you'll either
+answer truthfully or not at all. If you're not willing, just say so now,
+and--
+
+WILLIE. I'll tell him "yea".
+
+MAGGIE. And truthfully?
+
+WILLIE. Yes, Maggie. I'm resigned. You're growing on me, lass. I'll toe
+the line with you.
+
+(ALICE _and_ VICKEY _enter_ R. _in their Sunday clothes--the same at
+which_ HOBSON _grew indignant in Act I_. MAGGIE _takes_ WILLIE _across
+to_ L.)
+
+ALICE. We're ready, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. And time you were. It's not your weddings that you're dressing
+for. (_By trap_.) Come up, Tubby, and keep an eye on things.
+
+VICKEY. (_to_ WILL). Will, have you got the ring?
+
+MAGGIE. I have. Do you think I'd trust him to remember?
+
+(MAGGIE _goes off with_ WILL. VICKEY _and_ ALICE _are following,
+laughing_. TUBBY _comes up trap and throws old shoes after them_.)
+
+CURTAIN.
+
+
+[Illustration] Reddish brick walls. Plaster falling off in places. Very
+old square carpet. Fire burning. No ornaments. Tin box on mantelpiece. A
+few plates, workbasket and tin boxes on dresser. Shoes, clogs on top
+of dresser. Old coloured tablecloth on table. Roll of leather, etc.,
+at table behind screen. Three hat pegs on wall above fireplace. Lamp on
+mantelpiece.
+
+
+ACT III
+
+_The cellar in Oldfield Road is at once workroom, shop, and living-room.
+It is entered from the_ R. _corner by a door at the top of a flight of
+some seven stairs. Its three windows are high up at the back--not
+shop windows, but simply to give light. Each window has on it "William
+Mossop, Practical Bootmaker," reversed as seen from the inside and is
+illuminated dimly from outside by a neighbouring street lamp.
+
+A door_ L. _leads to the bedroom. Up stage_ L. _is a small screen or
+partition whose purpose is to conceal the sink. A shoemaker's bench,
+leather and tackle are against the wall_, R., _above the fire-place.
+Below the door_, L., _is a small dresser. Table_ R. C. _Seating
+accommodation consists solely of the sofa and the two chairs taken from_
+HOBSON'S, _now repaired. The sofa is_ L. _of the table, the two chairs_
+R. _Crowded on the sofa are, in order, from down up,_ ALBERT, ALICE,
+VICKEY, FRED.
+
+_As the curtain rises, the four are standing, tea-cups in hand, saying
+together "The Bride and Bridegroom." They drink and sit. General
+laughter and conversation. On the chair down stage is_ MAGGIE. _From the
+other chair_, C., _behind table_, WILL _rises, nervously, and rushes
+his little speech like a child who has learnt a lesson. The table has
+hot-house flowers (in a basin) and the remains of a meal at which tea
+only has been drunk, and the feast is represented by the sections of
+a large pork pie and a small wedding cake. As_ WILL _rises_, ALBERT
+_hammers on the table_.
+
+ALICE _suppresses him_. WILLIE. It's a very great pleasure to us to see
+you here to-night. It's an honour you do us, and I assure you, speaking
+for my--my wife, as well as for myself, that the--the--
+
+MAGGIE (_in an undertone_). Generous.
+
+WILLIE. Oh, aye. That's it. That the generous warmth of the sentiments
+so cordially expressed by Mr. Beenstock and so enthusiastically seconded
+by--no, I've gotten that wrong road round--expressed by Mr. Prosser and
+seconded by Mr. Beenstock--will never be forgotten by either my life
+partner or self--and--and I'd like to drink this toast to you in my own
+house. Our guests, and may they all be married soon themselves.
+
+MAGGIE (_rising and drinking with_ WILL). Our guests.
+
+(WILL _and_ MAGGIE _sit. General laughter and conversation_.)
+
+ALBERT (_solemnly rising_). In rising to respond--
+
+ALICE (_tugging his coat and putting him into his seat_). Sit down.
+We've had enough of speeches. I know men fancy themselves when they're
+talking, but you've had one turn and you needn't start again.
+
+ALBERT. But we ought to thank him, Alice.
+
+ALICE. I dare say. But you'll not speak as well as he did, so we can
+leave it with a good wind-up. I'm free to own you took me by surprise,
+Will.
+
+FREDDY. Very neat speech indeed. (_Rising_.)
+
+VICKEY. Who taught you, Will?
+
+WILLIE. I've been learning a lot lately.
+
+ALICE. I thought that speech never came natural from Will.
+
+MAGGIE. I'm educating him.
+
+FREDDY. Very apt pupil, I must say.
+
+MAGGIE. He'll do. Another twenty years and I know which of you three men
+'ull be thought most of at the Bank.
+
+FREDDY. That's looking ahead a bit.
+
+MAGGIE. I'll admit it needs imagination to see it now.
+
+ALBERT (_rising and moving slightly_ C.). Well, the start's all
+right, you know. Snug little rooms. Shop of your own. And so on. I was
+wondering where you raised the capital for this, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. I? You mustn't call it my shop. It's his.
+
+ALICE. Do you mean to tell me that Willie found the capital?
+
+MAGGIE. He's the saving sort.
+
+ALICE. He must be if you've done this out of what father used to pay
+him.
+
+MAGGIE. Well, we haven't. Not altogether. We've had help.
+
+ALBERT. Ah!
+
+VICKEY. It's a mystery to me where you got it from.
+
+MAGGIE. Same place as those flowers, Albert.
+
+ALBERT. Hot-house flowers, I see. (_He rises and examines them_.) I was
+wondering where they came from.
+
+(VICKEY _and_ FREDDY _smell flowers_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Same place as the money, Albert.
+
+ALBERT. Ah!
+
+ALICE (_rising and following him_, C.). Well, I think we ought to be
+getting home, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE (_rising, as do the rest_. VICKEY _and_ FREDDY _move up stage_).
+I shouldn't marvel. I reckon Tubby's a bit tired of looking after the
+shop by now, and if father's wakened up and come in--
+
+ALICE. That's it. I'm a bit nervous.
+
+MAGGIE. He'll have an edge on his temper. Come and put your hats on.
+
+(_She is going_ L., _with_ ALICE _and_ VICKEY, _then stops_.)
+
+Willie, we'll need this table when they're gone. You'd better be
+clearing the pots away.
+
+WILLIE (_by table_, R.) Yes, Maggie.
+
+(MAGGIE _turns to_ L.)
+
+FREDDY. But--you--
+
+ALBERT. Oh, Lord!
+
+(_They laugh_.)
+
+MAGGIE (_quite calmly_). And you and Fred can just lend him a hand with
+the washing up, Albert.
+
+FREDDY. Me wash pots!
+
+VICKEY (_really outraged_). Maggie, we're guests.
+
+MAGGIE. I know. Only Albert laughed at Willie, and washing up 'ull maybe
+make him think on that it's not allowed.
+
+(_She ushers_ ALICE _and_ VICKEY _out_, L., _and follows_. WILLIE
+_begins to put pots on tray which he gets from behind screen, up_ L.)
+
+ALBERT (_after he and_ FRED _have looked at each other, then at_ WILL,
+_then at each other again_). Are you going to wash up pots?
+
+FREDDY. Are you?
+
+ALBERT. I look at it like this myself. All being well, you and I are
+marrying into this family and we know what Maggie is. If we start giving
+in to her now, she'll be a nuisance to us all our lives.
+
+FREDDY. That's right enough, but there's this plan of hers to get us
+married. Are you prepared to work it for us?
+
+ALBERT. I'm not. Anything but--
+
+FREDDY. Then till she's done it we're to keep the sweet side of Maggie.
+
+ALBERT. But, washing pots! (_Moves down_ L.)
+
+(_There is a pause. They look at_ WILL, _who has brought the tray from
+behind the screen and is now clearing up the table_.)
+
+FREDDY. What would you do in our place, Will?
+
+WILLIE. Please yourselves. I'm getting on with what she told me.
+
+FREDDY. You're married to her. We aren't.
+
+ALBERT. What do you need the table for in such a hurry?
+
+WILLIE; Nay, I'm not in any hurry myself.
+
+FREDDY. Maggie wants it for something.
+
+WILLIE. It'll be for my lessons, I reckon. She's schooling me.
+
+FREDDY. And don't you want to learn, then?
+
+WILLIE (_moves_ C.). 'Tisn't that. I--just don't want to be rude to
+you--turning you out so early. I don't see you need to go away so soon.
+(_Crosses below table_.)
+
+ALBERT. Why not?
+
+WILLIE. I'm fond of a bit of company.
+
+ALBERT. Do you want company on your wedding night?
+
+WILLIE. I don't favour your going so soon. (_Crosses_ C. _again_.)
+
+FREDDY. He's afraid to be alone with her. That's what it is. He's shy of
+his wife.
+
+(_They laugh_.)
+
+WILLIE. That's a fact. I've not been married before, you see. I've not
+been left alone with her, either. Up to now she's been coming round to
+where I lodged at Tubby Wadlow's to give me my lessons. It's different
+now, and I freely own I'm feeling awkward-like. I'd be deeply obliged if
+you would stay on a bit to help to--to thaw the ice for me.
+
+FREDDY. You've been engaged to her, haven't you?
+
+WILLIE. Aye, but it weren't for long. And you see, Maggie's not the sort
+you get familiar with.
+
+FREDDY. You had quite long enough to thaw the ice. It's not our job to
+do your melting for you. (_Moves away_ R.)
+
+ALBERT. No. Fred, these pots need washing. We will wash them.
+
+(ALBERT _carries tray behind screen. Water runs. He is seen flourishing
+towels_. FRED _is following when_ WILLIE _calls him back and takes tray
+to table_.)
+
+WILLIE. Fred, would you like it yourself with--with a wench like Maggie?
+(_Goes_ R. C.)
+
+FREDDY. That's not the point. It wasn't me she married.
+
+WILLIE. It's that being alone with her that worries me, and I did think
+you'd stand by a fellow man to make things not so strange at first.
+
+ALBERT (_coming down, with a dishcloth_). That's not the way we look at
+it. Hurry up with those cups, Fred. (_Goes to_ FRED _up stage_ R.)
+
+(MAGGIE _enters with_ VICKEY _and_ ALICE _in outdoor clothes_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Have you broken anything yet, Albert?
+
+ALBERT (_indignantly_). Broken? No. (_Takes cup from tray and wipes
+it_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Too slow to, I expect.
+
+FREDDY. I must say you don't show much gratitude.
+
+ALBERT. Aren't you at all surprised to find us doing this?
+
+MAGGIE. Surprised? I told you to do it.
+
+FREDDY. Yes, but--(_Takes tray up stage_, L.)
+
+MAGGIE (_taking towel from him_). You can stop now. I'll finish when
+you're gone. (_Moves down_ R.)
+
+(_Knock at door upstairs_, R.)
+
+ALICE. Who's that?
+
+MAGGIE. Some one who can't read, I reckon. You hung that card on door,
+Will?
+
+WILLIE. Aye, it's there. And you wrote it, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. I knew better than to trust to you. "Business suspended for the
+day" it says, and they that can't read it can go on knocking.
+
+HOBSON (_off_ R. _upstairs, after another knock_). Are you in, Maggie?
+
+VICKEY (_terrified_). It's father!
+
+(_General consternation_.)
+
+ALBERT. Oh, Lord!
+
+MAGGIE. What's the matter? Are you afraid of him?
+
+FREDDY. Well, I think, all things considered, and seeing--
+
+MAGGIE. All right. We'll consider 'em. You can go into the bedroom, the
+lot of you.... No, not you, Willie. The rest. I'll shout when I want
+you.
+
+ALICE. When he's gone.
+
+MAGGIE. It'll be before he's gone.
+
+(MAGGIE _crosses to_ L. _with them_.)
+
+VICKEY. But we don't want--
+
+MAGGIE. Is this your house or mine?
+
+VICKEY. It's your cellar.
+
+MAGGIE. And I'm in charge of it.
+
+(_The four go into bedroom_. VICKEY _starts to argue_. ALBERT _opens
+the door_. VICKEY _and_ ALICE _go out followed by_ FREDDY _and_ ALBERT.
+VICKEY _is pushed inside_. WILL _is going to stairs_.) You sit you
+still, and don't forget you're gaffer here. I'll open door. (WILLIE
+_sits in chair above table_. MAGGIE _goes upstairs and opens the door.
+Enter_ HOBSON _to top stair_.)
+
+HOBSON (_with some slight apology_). Well, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE (_uninvitingly_). Well, father.
+
+HOBSON (_without confidence_). I'll come in.
+
+MAGGIE (_standing in his way_). Well, I don't know. I'll have to ask the
+master about that.
+
+HOBSON. Eh? The master?
+
+MAGGIE. You and him didn't part on the best of terms, you know. (_Over
+the railings_.) Will, it's my father. Is he to come in?
+
+WILLIE (_loudly and boldly_). Aye, let him come.
+
+(HOBSON _comes downstairs_. MAGGIE _closes door behind him and follows_.
+HOBSON _stares round at the cellar_.)
+
+HOBSON. You don't sound cordial about your invitation, young man.
+
+WILLIE (_rises and goes_ C.). Nay, but I am. (_Shaking hands for a long
+time_.) I'm right down glad to see you, Mr. Hobson. (MAGGIE _comes down_
+R.) It makes the wedding-day complete-like, you being her father and
+I--I hope you'll see your way to staying a good long while.
+
+HOBSON. Well--
+
+MAGGIE. That's enough, Will. You don't need to overdo it. You can sit
+down for five minutes, father. That sofa 'ull bear your weight. It's
+been tested.
+
+(HOBSON _sits on sofa_, R. C. WILLIE _goes back to the chair_, R.)
+
+WILLIE (_taking up teapot_). There's nobbut tea to drink and I reckon
+what's in the pot is stewed, so I'll--
+
+MAGGIE (_taking pot off him as he moves to fire-place with it_). You'll
+not do owt of sort. Father likes his liquids strong.
+
+WILLIE (_down_ R. _of table_). A piece of pork pie now, Mr. Hobson?
+
+HOBSON (_groaning_). Pork pie!
+
+MAGGIE (_sharply_). You'll be sociable now you're here, I hope. (_She
+pours tea at table, top end_.)
+
+HOBSON. It wasn't sociability that brought me, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. What was it, then?
+
+HOBSON. Maggie, I'm in disgrace. A sore and sad misfortune's fallen on
+me.
+
+MAGGIE (_cutting_). Happen a piece of wedding cake 'ull do you good.
+
+HOBSON (_shuddering_). It's sweet.
+
+MAGGIE. That's natural in cake.
+
+(MAGGIE _sits in chair above table_.)
+
+HOBSON. I've gotten such a head.
+
+MAGGIE. Aye. But wedding cake's a question of heart. There'd be no bride
+cakes made at all if we thought first about our heads. I'm quite aware
+it's foolishness, but I've a wish to see my father sitting at my table
+eating my wedding cake on my wedding-day.
+
+HOBSON. It's a very serious thing I came about, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. It's not more serious than knowing that you wish us well.
+
+HOBSON. Well, Maggie, you know my way. When a thing's done it's done.
+You've had your way and done what you wanted. I'm none proud of the
+choice you made and I'll not lie and say I am, but I've shaken your
+husband's hand, and that's a sign for you. The milk's spilt and I'll not
+cry.
+
+MAGGIE (_holding plate_). Then there's your cake, and you can eat it.
+
+HOBSON. I've given you my word there's no ill feeling. (_Pushes cake
+away_.)
+
+MAGGIE. So now we'll have the deed. (_Pushes it back_.)
+
+HOBSON. You're a hard woman. (_He eats_.) You've no consideration for
+the weakness of old age.
+
+MAGGIE. Finished?
+
+HOBSON. Pass me that tea.
+
+(_She passes: he drinks_.)
+
+That's easier.
+
+MAGGIE. Now tell me what it is you came about?
+
+HOBSON. I'm in sore trouble, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE (_rising and going towards door_, L.). Then I'll leave you with
+my husband to talk it over.
+
+HOBSON. Eh?
+
+MAGGIE. You'll not be wanting me. Women are only in your way.
+
+HOBSON (_rising and going_ C.). Maggie, you re not going to desert me in
+the hour of my need, are you?
+
+MAGGIE. Surely to goodness you don't want a woman to help you after all
+you've said! Will 'ull do his best, I make no doubt. (_She goes towards
+door_.) Give me a call when you've finished, Will.
+
+HOBSON (_following her_). Maggie! It's private.
+
+MAGGIE. Why, yes. I'm going and you can discuss it man to man with no
+fools of women about.
+
+HOBSON. I tell you I've come to see you, not him. It's private from him.
+
+MAGGIE. Private from Will? Nay, it isn't. Will's in the family--(_comes
+back a little_),--and you've nowt to say to me that can't be said to
+him.
+
+HOBSON. I've to tell you this with him there?
+
+MAGGIE. Will and me's one.
+
+WILLIE. Sit down, Mr. Hobson.
+
+MAGGIE. You call him father now.
+
+WILLIE (_astonished_). Do I?
+
+HOBSON. Does he?
+
+MAGGIE. He does. Sit down, Will.
+
+(WILL _sits right of table_. MAGGIE _stands at the head of the table_.
+HOBSON _sits on sofa_.)
+
+Now, if you're ready, father, we are. What's the matter?
+
+HOBSON. That--(_producing the blue paper_)--that's the matter.
+
+(MAGGIE _accepts and passes it to_ WILL _and goes behind his chair.
+He is reading upside down. She bends over chair and turns it right way
+up_.)
+
+MAGGIE. What is it, Will?
+
+HOBSON (_banging table_). Ruin, Maggie, that's what it is! Ruin and
+bankruptcy. Am I vicar's warden at St. Philip's or am I not? Am I Hobson
+of Hobson's Boot Shop on Chapel Street, Salford? Am I a respectable
+ratepayer and the father of a family or--
+
+MAGGIE (_who has been reading over_ WILL'S _shoulder_). It's an action
+for damages for trespass, I see.
+
+HOBSON. It's a stab in the back, it's an unfair, un-English, cowardly
+way of taking a mean advantage of a casual accident.
+
+MAGGIE. Did you trespass?
+
+HOBSON. Maggie, I say it solemnly, it is all your fault. I had an
+accident. I don't deny it. I'd been in the "Moonraker's" and I'd stayed
+too long. And why? Why did I stay too long? To try to forget that I'd a
+thankless child, to erase from the tablets of memory the recollection
+of your conduct. That was the cause of it. And the result, the blasting,
+withering result? I fell into that cellar. I slept in that cellar and I
+awoke to this catastrophe. Lawyers... law-costs... publicity... ruin.
+
+MAGGIE (_moving round table to_ C.). I'm still asking you. Was it an
+accident? Or did you trespass?
+
+HOBSON. It's an accident. As plain as Salford Town Hall it's an
+accident, but they that live by law have twisted ways of putting things
+that make white show as black. I'm in their grip at last. I've kept
+away from lawyers all my life, I've hated lawyers, and they've got their
+chance to make me bleed for it. I've dodged them, and they've caught me
+in the end. They'll squeeze me dry for it.
+
+WILLIE. My word, and that's summat like a squeeze and all.
+
+(HOBSON _stares at him_.)
+
+MAGGIE. I can see it's serious. I shouldn't wonder if you didn't lose
+some trade from this.
+
+HOBSON. Wonder! (_Rising and moving_ C.) It's as certain as Christmas.
+My good-class customers are not going to buy their boots from a man
+who's stood up in open court and had to acknowledge he was overcome at
+12 o'clock in the morning. They'll not remember it was private grief
+that caused it all. They'll only think the worse of me because I
+couldn't control my daughter better than to let her go and be the cause
+of sorrow to me in my age. That's what you've done. Brought this on me,
+you two, between you.
+
+WILLIE. Do you think it will get into the paper, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, for sure. You'll see your name in the _Salford Reporter_,
+father.
+
+HOBSON. _Salford Reporter_! Yes, and more. When there is ruin and
+disaster, and outrageous fortune overwhelms a man of my importance to
+the world, it isn't only the _Salford Reporter_ that takes note of it.
+This awful cross that's come to me will be recorded in the _Manchester
+Guardian_ for the whole of Lancashire to read.
+
+WILLIE. Eh, by gum, think of that! To have your name appearing in
+the _Guardian_! Why, it's very near worth while to be ruined for the
+pleasure of reading about yourself in a printed paper.
+
+HOBSON (_sits sofa_). It's there for others to read besides me, my lad.
+
+WILLIE. Aye, you're right. I didn't think of that. This 'ull give a
+lot of satisfaction to a many I could name. Other people's troubles
+is mostly what folks read the paper for, and I reckon it's twice the
+pleasure to them when it's trouble of a man they know themselves. (_He
+is perfectly simple and has no malicious intention_.)
+
+HOBSON. To hear you talk it sounds like a pleasure to you.
+
+WILLIE (_sincerely_). Nay, it's not. You've ate my wedding cake
+and you've shook my hand. We're friends, I hope, and I were nobbut
+meditating like a friend. I always think it's best to look on the worst
+side of things first, then whatever chances can't be worse than you
+looked for. There's St. Philip's now. I don't suppose you'll go on being
+vicar's warden after this to do, and it brought you a powerful lot of
+customers from the church, did that.
+
+HOBSON (_turning to her_). I'm getting a lot of comfort from your
+husband, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. It's about what you deserve. (_Goes to him_.)
+
+HOBSON. Have you got any more consolation for me, Will?
+
+WILLIE (_aggrieved_). I only spoke what came into my mind.
+
+HOBSON. Well, have you spoken it all?
+
+WILLIE. I can keep my mouth shut if you'd rather.
+
+HOBSON. Don't strain yourself, Will Mossop. When a man's mind is full of
+thoughts like yours, they're better out than in. You let them come, my
+lad. They'll leave a cleaner place behind.
+
+WILLIE. I'm not much good at talking, and I always seem to say wrong
+things when I do talk. I'm sorry if my well-meant words don't suit your
+taste, but I thought you came here for advice.
+
+HOBSON. I didn't come to you, you jumped-up cock-a-hooping--(_Rising_.)
+
+MAGGIE. That 'ull do, father. (_Pushes him down_.) My husband's _trying_
+to help you.
+
+HOBSON (_glares impatiently for a time, then meekly says_). Yes, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. Now about this accident of yours.
+
+HOBSON. Yes, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. It's the publicity that you're afraid of most.
+
+HOBSON. It's being dragged into a court of law at all, me that's voted
+right all through my life and been a sound supporter of the Queen and
+Constitution.
+
+MAGGIE. Then we must try to keep it out of court. (_Moves away to_ L.
+C.)
+
+HOBSON (_rising and moving to_ C.). If there are lawyers in Heaven,
+Maggie, which I doubt, they may keep cases out of courts there. On earth
+a lawyer's job's to squeeze a man and squeeze him where his squirming's
+seen the most--in court.
+
+MAGGIE. I've heard of cases being settled out of court, in private.
+
+HOBSON. In private? Yes, I dare say, and all the worse for that. It's
+done amongst themselves in lawyers' offices behind closed doors so no
+one can see they're squeezing twice as hard in private as they'd dare
+to do in public. There's some restraint demanded by a public place, but
+privately! It'll cost a fortune to settle this in private, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. I make no doubt it's going to cost you something, but you'd
+rather do it privately than publicly?
+
+HOBSON (_coming back to sofa and sitting again_). If only it were not a
+lawyer's office.
+
+MAGGIE. You can settle it with the lawyer out of his office. You can
+settle with him here.
+
+(_She goes_ L. _and opens door. Then comes down_ L.) Albert!
+
+(_Enter_ ALBERT, _who leaves door open. He comes_ C.)
+
+This is Mr. Prosser, of Prosser, Pilkington, and Prosser.
+
+HOBSON (_amazed_). He is!
+
+MAGGIE. Yes.
+
+HOBSON (_incredulously, rising_). You're a lawyer!
+
+ALBERT. Yes, I'm a lawyer.
+
+HOBSON (_with disgust almost too deep for words_). At your age!
+
+MAGGIE (_going up to door_). Come out, all of you. (_She moves to top
+end of table_.)
+
+(_There is reluctance inside, then_ VICKEY, ALICE _and_ FRED _enter and
+stand in a row_, L.)
+
+HOBSON. Alice! Vickey!
+
+MAGGIE. Family gathering. This is Mr. Beenstock, of Beenstock & Co.
+
+FREDDY. How do you do?
+
+HOBSON. What! Here!
+
+(_The situation is plainly beyond his mused brain's capacity_.)
+
+MAGGIE. When you've got a thing to settle, you need all the parties to
+be present.
+
+HOBSON. But there are so many of them. Where have they all come from?
+
+MAGGIE. My bedroom.
+
+HOBSON. Your--? Maggie, I wish you'd explain before my brain gives way.
+
+MAGGIE. It's quite simple. I got them here because I expected you.
+
+HOBSON. You expected me!
+
+MAGGIE. Yes. You're in trouble.
+
+HOBSON (_shaking his head, then as if finding an outlet, pouncing on_
+ALICE). What's it got to do with Alice and Vickey? What are they doing
+here ? What's happening to the shop? (_Moves_ C.)
+
+ALICE. Tubby Wadlow's looking after it.
+
+HOBSON. And is it Tubby's job to look after the shop?
+
+VICKEY. He'd got no other job. The shop's so slack since Maggie left.
+
+HOBSON (_swelling with rage_). And do you run that shop? Do you give
+orders there? Do you decide when you can put your hats on and walk out
+of it?
+
+MAGGIE. They come out because it's my wedding-day, father. It's reason
+enough, and Will and me 'ull do the same for them. We'll close the shop
+and welcome on their wedding-days.
+
+HOBSON. Their wedding-days! That's a long time off. It'll be many a
+year before there's another wedding in this family, I give you my word.
+(_Turns to_ MAGGIE.) One daughter defying me is quite enough.
+
+ALBERT. Hadn't we better get to business, sir?
+
+HOBSON (_turning on him_). Young man, don't abuse a noble word. You're
+a lawyer. By your own admission you're a lawyer. Honest men live by
+business and lawyers live by law.
+
+ALBERT. In this matter, sir, I am following the instructions of my
+client, Mr. Beenstock, and the remark you have just let fall, before
+witnesses, appears to me to bear a libellous reflection on the action of
+my client.
+
+HOBSON. What! So it's libel now. Isn't trespass and... and spying on
+trade secrets enough for you, you blood-sucking--(_To_ ALBERT.)
+
+ALBERT. One moment, Mr. Hobson. You can call me what you like--
+
+HOBSON. And I shall. You--
+
+ALBERT. But I wish to remind you, in your own interests, that abuse of
+a lawyer is remembered in the costs. Now, my client tells me he is
+prepared to settle this matter out of court. Personally, I don't advise
+him to, because we should probably get higher damages in court. But Mr.
+Beenstock has no desire to be vindictive. He remembers your position,
+your reputation for respectability, and--
+
+HOBSON. How much?
+
+ALBERT. Er--I beg your pardon?
+
+HOBSON. I'm not so fond of the sound of your voice as you are. What's
+the figure?
+
+ALBERT. The sum we propose, which will include my ordinary costs, but
+not any additional costs incurred by your use of defamatory language to
+me, is one thousand pounds.
+
+HOBSON. What!
+
+MAGGIE. It isn't.
+
+HOBSON. One thousand pounds for tumbling down a cellar! Why, I might
+have broken my leg. (_Moves away to_ R.)
+
+ALBERT. That is in the nature of an admission, Mr. Hobson. Our flour
+bags saved your legs from fracture and I am therefore inclined to add to
+the sum I have stated a reasonable estimate of the doctor's bill we
+have saved you by protecting your legs with our bags. (_Turns towards_
+FREDDY.)
+
+(HOBSON _sits_ R.)
+
+MAGGIE. Eh, Albert Prosser, I can see you're going to get on in the
+world, but you needn't be greedy here. That one thousand's too much.
+(_Comes_ C.)
+
+ALBERT. We thought--
+
+MAGGIE. Then you can think again.
+
+FREDDY. But--
+
+MAGGIE. If there are any more signs of greediness from you two,
+there'll be a counter-action for personal damages due to your criminal
+carelessness in leaving your cellar flap open.
+
+HOBSON. (_rising_). Maggie, you've saved me. I'll bring that action.
+I'll show them up.
+
+MAGGIE. You're not damaged, and one lawyer's quite enough. But he'll
+be more reasonable now. I know perfectly well what father can afford to
+pay, and it's not a thousand pounds nor anything like a thousand pounds.
+
+HOBSON. Not so much of your can't afford, Maggie. You'll make me out a
+pauper.
+
+MAGGIE (_turns to HOBSON_). You can afford 500 pounds and you're going
+to pay 500 pounds.
+
+HOBSON. Oh, but... there's a difference between affording and paying.
+
+MAGGIE. You can go to the courts and be reported in the papers if you
+like. (_Moves to above table_, R.C.)
+
+HOBSON. It's the principle I care about. I'm being beaten by a lawyer.
+
+VICKEY (_going to_ HOBSON). Father, dear, how can you be beaten when
+they wanted a thousand pounds and you're only going to give 500 pounds?
+
+HOBSON. I hadn't thought of that.
+
+VICKEY. It's they who are beaten.
+
+HOBSON. I'd take a good few beatings myself at the price, Vickey. Still,
+I want this keeping out of court.
+
+ALBERT. Then we can take it as settled?
+
+HOBSON. Do you want to see the money before you believe me? Is that your
+nasty lawyer's way?
+
+ALBERT. Not at all, Mr. Hobson. Your word is as good as your bond.
+(_Moves back_ L.)
+
+VICKEY. It's settled! It's settled! Hurrah! Hurrah! (_Moves_ L. _to_
+FREDDY.)
+
+HOBSON. Well, I don't see what you have to cheer about, Vickey. I'm not
+to be dragged to public scorn, but you know this is a tidy bit of money
+to be going out of the family. (_Sits sofa_, R. C.)
+
+MAGGIE. It's not going out of the family, father. (_Moves up_ R.)
+
+HOBSON. I don't see how you make it out.
+
+MAGGIE. Their wedding-day is not so far off as you thought, now there's
+the half of five hundred pounds apiece for them to make a start on.
+
+(ALBERT _and_ ALICE, FRED _and_ VICKEY _stand arm in arm_, L.) HOBSON.
+You mean to tell me--
+
+MAGGIE. You won't forget you've passed your word, will you father?
+
+HOBSON (_rising_). I've been diddled. (_Moves_ C.) It's a plant. It--
+
+MAGGIE. It takes two daughters off your hands at once, and clears your
+shop of all the fools of women that used to lumber up the place.
+
+ALICE. It will be much easier for you without us in your way, father.
+
+HOBSON. Aye, and you can keep out of my way and all. Do you hear that,
+all of you?
+
+VICKEY. Father...!
+
+HOBSON (_picking up his hat_). I'll run that shop with men and--and I'll
+show Salford how it should be run. Don't you imagine there'll be room
+for you when you come home crying and tired of your fine husbands. I'm
+rid of ye, and it's a lasting riddance, mind. I'll pay this money,
+that you've robbed me of, and that's the end of it. All of you. You,
+especially, Maggie. I'm not blind yet, and I can see who 'tis I've got
+to thank for this. (_He goes to foot of stairs_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Don't be vicious, father.
+
+HOBSON. Will Mossop, I'm sorry for you. (_Over banisters_.) Take you for
+all in all, you're the best of the bunch. You're a backward lad, but you
+know your trade and it's an honest one.
+
+(HOBSON _is going up the stairs_.)
+
+ALICE. So does my Albert know his trade. (_Goes_ R. C.)
+
+HOBSON (_half-way up-stairs_). I'll grant you that. He knows his trade.
+He's good at robbery. (ALICE _shows great indignation_.) And I've to
+have it on my conscience that my daughter's wed a lawyer and an employer
+of lawyers.
+
+VICKEY. It didn't worry your conscience to keep us serving in the shop
+at no wages.
+
+HOBSON. I kept you, didn't I? It's some one else's job to victual you
+in future. Aye, you may grin, you two, but girls don't live on air. Your
+penny buns 'ull cost you tuppence now--and more. Wait, till the families
+begin to come. Don't come to me for keep, that's all. (_Going_.)
+
+ALICE. Father!
+
+HOBSON (_turning_). Aye. You may father me. But that's a piece of work
+I've finished with. I've done with fathering, and they're beginning it.
+They'll know what marrying a woman means before so long. They're putting
+chains upon themselves and I have thrown the shackles off. I've suffered
+thirty years and more and I'm a free man from to-day. Lord, what a thing
+you're taking on! You poor, poor wretches. You're red-nosed robbers, but
+you're going to pay for it.
+
+(_He opens door and exits_ R.)
+
+MAGGIE (_coming_ C.). You'd better arrange to get married quick. Alice
+and Vickey will have a sweet time with him.
+
+FREDDY. Can they go home at all!
+
+MAGGIE. Why not?
+
+FREDDY. After what he said?
+
+MAGGIE. He'll not remember half of it. He's for the "Moonraker's"
+now--if there's time. What is the time?
+
+ALBERT. Time we were going, Maggie--(_going to her_, C.);--you'll be
+glad to see the back of us. (_He shows_ MAGGIE _his watch_.)
+
+WILLIE. No. No. (_Rising_.) I wouldn't dream of asking you to go.
+
+MAGGIE (_moving up to get hats_). Then I would. It's high time we turned
+you out. There are your hats.
+
+(_She gets_ ALBERT'S _and_ FRED'S _hats from rack_, R.)
+
+Good night.
+
+(ALBERT _and_ FREDDY _go upstairs_. MAGGIE _comes back_, C.)
+
+Good night, Vickey.
+
+VICKEY (_with a quick kiss_). Good night, Maggie.
+
+(VICKEY _goes upstairs. She and_ FREDDY _go out_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Good night, Alice.
+
+ALICE. Good night, Maggie. (_The same quick kiss_.) And thank you.
+
+MAGGIE. Oh, that! (_She goes with her to stairs_.) I'll see you again
+soon, only don't come round here too much, because Will and me's going
+to be busy and you'll maybe find enough to do yourselves with getting
+wed.
+
+ALICE. I dare say. (_Upstairs_.)
+
+(_The general exit is continuous, punctuated with laughter and merry
+"Good nights!"_)
+
+MAGGIE. Send us word when the day is.
+
+ALBERT. We'll be glad to see you at the wedding.
+
+MAGGIE. We'll come to that. You'll be too grand for us afterwards.
+
+ALBERT. Oh, no, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. Well, happen we'll be catching up with you before so long. We're
+only starting here. Good night.
+
+ALBERT & ALICE Good night, Maggie.
+
+(_They go out, closing door_. MAGGIE _turns to_ WILL, _putting her hands
+on his shoulders. He starts_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Now you've heard what I've said of you to-night. In twenty years
+you're going to be thought more of than either of your brothers-in-law.
+
+WILLIE. I heard you say it, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. And we're to make it good. I'm not a boaster, Will. And it's to
+be in less than twenty years, and all.
+
+WILLIE. Well, I dunno. They've a long start on us.
+
+MAGGIE. And you've got me. Your slate's in the bedroom. Bring it out.
+I'll have this table clear by the time you come back.
+
+(_She moves round to_ R. _of table and hustles off the last remains of
+the meal, putting the flowers on the mantel and takes off cloth, placing
+it over the back of the chair_, R. WILL _goes to bedroom and returns
+with a slate and slate pencil. The slate is covered with writing. He
+puts it on table_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Off with your Sunday coat now. You don't want to make a mess of
+that.
+
+(_He takes coat off and gets rag from behind screen and brings it back
+to table. He hangs his coat on a peg_, R.)
+
+What are you doing with that mopping rag?
+
+WILLIE. I was going to wash out what's on the slate.
+
+MAGGIE. Let me see it first. That's what you did last night at Tubby's
+after I came here?
+
+WILLIE. Yes, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE (_sitting at table up_ R. C., _reading_). "There is always room
+at the top." (_Washing it out_.) Your writing's improving, Will. I'll
+set you a short copy for to-night, because it's getting late and we've
+a lot to do in the morning. (_Writing_.) "Great things grow from small."
+Now, then, you can sit down here and copy that!
+
+(_He takes her place at the table_. MAGGIE _watches a moment, then goes
+to fire-place and fingers the flowers_.)
+
+I'll put these flowers of Mrs. Hepworth's behind the fire, Will. We'll
+not want litter in the place come working time to-morrow.
+
+(_She takes up basin, stops, looks at_ WILL, _who is bent over his
+slate, and takes a flower out, throwing the rest behind the fire and
+going to bedroom with the one_.)
+
+WILLIE (_looking up_). You're saving one.
+
+MAGGIE (_caught in an act of sentiment and apologetically_). I thought
+I'd press it in my Bible for a keepsake, Will. I'm not beyond liking to
+be reminded of this day.
+
+(_She looks at screen and yawns_.)
+
+Lord, I'm tired. I reckon I'll leave those pots till morning. It's a
+slackish way of starting, but I don't get married every day.
+
+WILLIE (_industrious at his slate_). No.
+
+MAGGIE. I'm for my bed. You finish that copy before you come.
+
+WILLIE. Yes, Maggie.
+
+(_Exit_ MAGGIE _to bedroom, with the flower. She closes door_. WILL
+_copies, repeats letters and words as he writes them slowly, finishes,
+then rises and rakes out fire. He looks shyly at bedroom door, sits
+and takes his boots off. He rises, boots in hand, moves towards door,
+hesitates, and turns back, puts boots down at door, then returns to
+table and takes off his collar. Then hesitates again, finally makes up
+his mind, puts out light, and lies down on sofa with occasional glances
+at the bedroom door. At first he faces the fire. He is uncomfortable.
+He turns over and faces the door. In a minute_ MAGGIE _opens the bedroom
+door. She has a candle and is in a plain calico night-dress. She comes
+to_ WILL, _shines the light on him, takes him by the ear, and returns
+with him to bedroom_).
+
+CURTAIN.
+
+[Illustration.] Red papered chamber of an old-fashioned design.
+Antimacassars on chairs. All sorts of china ornaments. Dogs, vases,
+artificial flowers, lace curtains on window, books, boot boxes, cushions
+with lace covers, fire lit. Gas brackets each side of mantelpiece. Old
+pictures, velvet-framed views.
+
+
+
+ACT IV
+
+_The scene represents_ HOBSON'S _living-room, the door to which was seen
+in Act I. From inside the room that door is now seen to be at the left,
+the opposite wall having the fire-place and another door to the house.
+
+It is eight o'clock on a morning a year later.
+
+In front of the fire-place is a horsehair arm-chair. Chairs to match are
+at the table. There are coloured prints of Queen Victoria and the Prince
+Consort on the walls on each side of the door at the back, and a plain
+one of Lord Beaconsfield over the fire-place. Antimacassars abound, and
+the decoration is quaintly ugly. It is an overcrowded, "cosy" room_.
+HOBSON _is quite contented with it, and doesn't realize that it is at
+present very dirty.
+
+There is probably a kitchen elsewhere, but_ TUBBY WADLOW _is cooking
+bacon at the fire. He is simultaneously laying breakfast for one on
+the table. At both proceedings he is a puzzled and incompetent amateur.
+Presently the left door opens, and_ JIM HEELER _appears_.
+
+JIM (_crossing_). I'll go straight up to him, Tubby.
+
+TUBBY (_checking him_). He's getting up, Mr. Heeler.
+
+JIM. Getting up! Why, you said--
+
+TUBBY. I told you what he told me to tell you. Run for Doctor
+MacFarlane, he said. And I ran for Doctor MacFarlane. Now go to Mr.
+Heeler, he said, and tell him I'm very ill, and I came and told you.
+Then he said he would get up, and I was to have his breakfast ready for
+him, and he'd see you down here. (_Goes to fire_, R.)
+
+JIM (_moving towards door up_ R.). Nonsense, Tubby. Of course, I'll go
+up to him.
+
+TUBBY. You know what he is, sir. I'll get blamed if you go, and he's
+short-tempered this morning.
+
+JIM. I don't want to get you into trouble, Tubby. (_He sits_ R. _of
+table_.)
+
+TUBBY. Thank you, Mr. Heeler. (_Puts bacon on plate and plate down on
+the hearth_.)
+
+JIM. I quite thought it was something serious.
+
+TUBBY. If you ask me, it is. (_Coming back to table_.)
+
+JIM. Which way?
+
+TUBBY (_cutting bread_). Every way you look at it. Mr. Hobson's not his
+own old self, and the shop's not its own old self, and look at me. Now
+I ask you, Mr. Heeler, man to man, is this work for a foreman shoe hand?
+Cooking and laying tables and--
+
+JIM. By all accounts there's not much else for you to do.
+
+TUBBY. There's better things than being a housemaid, if it's only making
+clogs. (_Crosses to fire to toast_.)
+
+JIM. They tell me clogs are a cut line.
+
+TUBBY. Well, what are you to do? There's nothing else wanted. (_Turns_.)
+Hobson's in a bad way, and I'm telling no secret when I say it. It's a
+fact that's known.
+
+JIM. It's a thousand pities with an old-established trade like this.
+
+TUBBY. And who's to blame?
+
+JIM. I don't think you ought to discuss that with me, Tubby.
+
+TUBBY. Don't you? I'm an old servant of the master's, and I'm sticking
+to him now when everybody's calling me a doting fool because I don't
+look after Tubby Wadlow first, and if that don't give me the right to
+say what I please, I don't know. It's temper's ruining this shop, Mr.
+Heeler. Temper and obstinacy.
+
+JIM. They say in Chapel Street it's Willie Mossop.
+
+TUBBY. Willie's a good lad, though I say it that trained him. He hit us
+hard, did Willie, but we'd have got round that in time. With care, you
+understand, and tact. Tact. That's what the gaffer lacks. Miss Maggie,
+now ... well, she's a marvel, aye, a fair knock-out. Not slavish, mind
+you. Stood up to the customers all the time, but she'd a way with her
+that sold the goods and made them come again for more. Look at us now.
+Men assistants in the shop.
+
+JIM. Cost more than women.
+
+TUBBY. Cost? They'd be dear at any price. Look here, Mr. Heeler, take
+yourself. When you go to buy a pair of boots do you like to be tried on
+by a man or a nice soft young woman?
+
+JIM. Well--
+
+TUBBY. There you are. Stands to reason. It's human nature.
+
+JIM. But there are two sides to that, Tubby. Look at the other.
+
+TUBBY. Ladies?
+
+JIM. Yes.
+
+TUBBY. Ladies that are ladies wants trying on by their own sex, and
+them that aren't buys clogs. It's the good-class trade that pays, and
+Hobson's have lost it.
+
+(_Enter_ HOBSON _up_ R., _unshaven, without collar. He comes down stage
+between them_.)
+
+JIM (_with cheerful sympathy_). Well, Henry!
+
+HOBSON (_with acute melancholy and self-pity_). Oh, Jim! Oh, Jim! Oh,
+Jim!
+
+TUBBY. Will you sit on the arm-chair by the fire or at the table?
+
+HOBSON. The table? Breakfast? Bacon? Bacon, and I'm like this.
+
+(JIM _assists him to arm-chair_.)
+
+JIM. When a man's like this he wants a woman about the house, Henry.
+
+HOBSON (_sitting_). I'll want then.
+
+TUBBY. Shall I go for Miss Maggie, sir?--Mrs. Mossop, I mean.
+
+JIM. I think your daughters should be here.
+
+HOBSON. They should. Only they're not. They're married, and I'm deserted
+by them all and I'll die deserted, then perhaps they'll be sorry for the
+way they've treated me. Tubby, have you got no work to do in the shop?
+
+TUBBY. I might find some if I looked hard.
+
+HOBSON. Then go and look. And take that bacon with you. I don't like the
+smell.
+
+TUBBY (_getting bacon_). Are you sure you wouldn't like Miss Maggie
+here? I'll go for her and--(_He holds the bacon very close to_ HOBSON'S
+_face_.)
+
+HOBSON. Oh, go for her. Go for the devil. What does it matter who you go
+for? I'm a dying man.
+
+(TUBBY _takes bacon and goes out_ L.)
+
+JIM. What's all this talk about dying, Henry?
+
+HOBSON. Oh, Jim! Oh, Jim! I've sent for the doctor. We'll know soon how
+near the end is.
+
+JIM. Well, this is very sudden. (_Sits chair,_ R.) You've never been ill
+in your life.
+
+HOBSON. It's been saved up, and all come now at once.
+
+JIM. What are your symptoms, Henry?
+
+HOBSON. I'm all one symptom, head to foot. I'm frightened of myself,
+Jim. That's worst. You would call me a clean man, Jim?
+
+JIM. Clean? Of course I would. Clean in body and mind.
+
+HOBSON. I'm dirty now. I haven't washed this morning. Couldn't face the
+water. The only use I saw for water was to drown myself. The same with
+shaving. I've thrown my razor through the window. Had to or I'd have cut
+my throat.
+
+JIM. Oh, come, come.
+
+HOBSON. It's awful. I'll never trust myself again. I'm going to grow a
+beard--if I live.
+
+JIM. You'll cheat the undertaker, Henry, but I fancy a doctor could
+improve you. What do you reckon is the cause of it now?
+
+HOBSON. "Moonraker's."
+
+JIM. You don't think--
+
+HOBSON. I don't think. I know. I've seen it happen to others, but I
+never thought that it would come to me.
+
+JIM. Nor me, neither. You're not a toper, Henry. I grant you're regular,
+but you don't exceed. It's a hard thing if a man can't take a drop of
+ale without its getting back at him like this. Why, it might be my turn
+next.
+
+(TUBBY _enters_ L., _showing in_ DOCTOR MACFARLANE, _a domineering
+Scotsman of fifty_.)
+
+TUBBY. Here's Doctor MacFarlane. (_Exit_ TUBBY.)
+
+DOCTOR. Good morning, gentlemen. Where's my patient? (_He puts hat on
+table_.)
+
+JIM (_speaking without indicating_ HOBSON). Here. (_He does not rise_.)
+
+DOCTOR. Here? Up?
+
+HOBSON. Looks like it.
+
+DOCTOR. And for a patient who's downstairs I'm made to rise from my bed
+at this hour?
+
+JIM. It's not so early as all that.
+
+DOCTOR. But I've been up all night, sir. Young woman with her first. Are
+you Mr. Hobson?
+
+JIM (_quickly_). Certainly not. I'm not ill.
+
+DOCTOR. Hum. Not much to choose between you. You've both got your fate
+written on your faces.
+
+JIM. Do you mean that I--? (_Rises_.)
+
+DOCTOR. I mean he has and you will.
+
+HOBSON. Doctor, will you attend to me?
+
+(JIM _moves round_ HOBSON'S _arm-chair to up stage and then to_ L. _of
+table_.)
+
+DOCTOR. Yes. Now, sir. (_He sits by him and holds his wrist_.)
+
+HOBSON. I've never been in a bad way before this morning. Never wanted a
+doctor in my life.
+
+DOCTOR. You've needed. But you've not sent.
+
+HOBSON. But this morning--
+
+DOCTOR. I ken--well.
+
+HOBSON. What! You know!
+
+DOCTOR. Any fool would ken.
+
+HOBSON. Eh?
+
+DOCTOR. Any fool but one fool and that's yourself.
+
+HOBSON. You're damned polite.
+
+DOCTOR. If ye want flattery, I dare say ye can get it from your friend.
+I'm giving you ma medical opinion.
+
+HOBSON. I want your opinion on my complaint, not on my character.
+
+DOCTOR. Your complaint and your character are the same.
+
+HOBSON. Then you'll kindly separate them and you'll tell me--
+
+DOCTOR (_rising and taking up hat_). I'll tell you nothing, sir. I don't
+diagnose as my patients wish, but as my intellect and sagacity direct.
+Good morning to you. (_Turns_ L.)
+
+JIM (_meeting him below table_). But you have not diagnosed.
+
+DOCTOR. Sir, if I am to interview a patient in the presence of a third
+party, the least that third party can do is to keep his mouth shut.
+
+JIM. After that, there's only one thing for it. He shifts or I do.
+
+HOBSON. You'd better go, Jim.
+
+JIM. There are other doctors, Henry.
+
+HOBSON. I'll keep this one. I've got to teach him a lesson. Scotchmen
+can't come over Salford lads this road.
+
+JIM. If that's it, I'll leave you.
+
+HOBSON. That's it. I can bully as well as a foreigner.
+
+(JIM _goes out_ L.)
+
+DOCTOR. That's better, Mr. Hobson. (_He puts hat down and comes back_
+R.)
+
+HOBSON. If I'm better, you've not had much to do with it.
+
+DOCTOR. I think my calculated rudeness--
+
+HOBSON. If you calculate your fees at the same rate as your rudeness,
+they'll be high.
+
+DOCTOR. I calculate by time, Mr. Hobson, so we'd better get to business.
+Will you unbutton your shirt?
+
+HOBSON (_doing it_). No hanky-panky now.
+
+DOCTOR (_ignoring his remark and examining_). Aye. It just confirms ma
+first opinion. Ye've had a breakdown this A.M.?
+
+HOBSON. You might say so.
+
+DOCTOR. Melancholic? Depressed?
+
+HOBSON (_buttoning shirt_). Question was whether the razor would beat
+me, or I'd beat razor. I won, that time. The razor's in the yard. But
+I'll never dare to try shaving myself again.
+
+DOCTOR. And do you seriously require me to tell you the cause, Mr.
+Hobson?
+
+HOBSON. I'm paying thee brass to tell me.
+
+DOCTOR. Chronic alcoholism, if you know that what means.
+
+HOBSON. Aye.
+
+DOCTOR. A serious case.
+
+HOBSON. I know it's serious. What do you think you're here for? It isn't
+to tell me something I know already. It's to cure me.
+
+DOCTOR. Very well. I will write you a prescription. (_Produces notebook.
+Sits at table and writes with copying pencil_.)
+
+HOBSON. Stop that!
+
+DOCTOR. I beg your pardon?
+
+HOBSON. I won't take it. None of your druggist's muck for me. I'm
+particular about what I put into my stomach.
+
+DOCTOR. Mr. Hobson, if you don't mend your manners, I'll certify you for
+a lunatic asylum. Are you aware that you've drunk yourself within six
+months of the grave? You'd a warning this morning that any sane man
+would listen to and you're going to listen to it, sir.
+
+HOBSON. By taking your prescription?
+
+DOCTOR. Precisely. You will take this mixture, Mr. Hobson, and you will
+practise total abstinence for the future.
+
+HOBSON. You ask me to give up my reasonable refreshment!
+
+DOCTOR. I forbid alcohol absolutely. (_Starts writing_.)
+
+HOBSON. Much use your forbidding is. I've had my liquor for as long as I
+remember, and I'll have it to the end. If I'm to be beaten by beer I'll
+die fighting, and I'm none practising unnatural teetotalism for the sake
+of lengthening out my unalcoholic days. Life's got to be worth living
+before I'll live it.
+
+DOCTOR (_rising and taking hat again_). If that's the way you talk, my
+services are of no use to you. (_Moves down_ L.)
+
+HOBSON. They're not. I'll pay you on the nail for this. (_Rising and
+sorting money from pocket_.)
+
+DOCTOR. I congratulate you on the impulse, Mr. Hobson.
+
+HOBSON. Nay, it's a fair deal, doctor. I've had value. You've been a
+tonic to me. When I got up I never thought to see the "Moonraker's"
+again, but I'm ready for my early morning draught this minute. (_Holds
+out money_.)
+
+DOCTOR (_putting hat down, moving to_ HOBSON _and talking earnestly_).
+Man, will ye no be warned? Ye pig-headed animal, alcohol is poison to
+ye, deadly, virulent with a system in the state yours is.
+
+HOBSON. You're getting warm about it. Will you take your fee? (_Holding
+out money_.)
+
+DOCTOR. Yes. When I've earned it. Put it in your pocket, Mr. Hobson. I
+hae na finished with ye yet.
+
+HOBSON. I thought you had. (_Sits again_.)
+
+DOCTOR (_up to_ HOBSON, R.). Do ye ken that ye're defying me? Ye'll die
+fighting, will ye? Aye, it's a gay, high-sounding sentiment, ma mannie,
+but ye'll no dae it, do ye hear? Ye'll no slip from me now. I've got
+ma grip on ye. Ye'll die sober, and ye'll live the longest time ye can
+before ye die. Have ye a wife, Mr. Hobson?
+
+(HOBSON _points upwards_.)
+
+In bed?
+
+HOBSON. Higher than that.
+
+DOCTOR. It's a pity. A man like you should keep a wife handy.
+
+HOBSON. I'm not so partial to women.
+
+DOCTOR. Women are a necessity, sir. Have ye no female relative that can
+manage ye?
+
+HOBSON. Manage?
+
+DOCTOR. Keep her thumb firm on ye?
+
+HOBSON. I've got three daughters, Doctor MacFarlane, and they tried to
+keep their thumbs on me.
+
+DOCTOR. Well? Where are they?
+
+HOBSON. Married--and queerly married.
+
+DOCTOR. You drove them to it.
+
+HOBSON. They all grew uppish. Maggie worst of all.
+
+DOCTOR. Maggie? Then I'll tell ye what ye'll do, Mr. Hobson. You will
+get Maggie back. At any price. At all costs to your pride, as your
+medical man I order you to get Maggie back. (_Movement from_ HOBSON.) I
+don't know Maggie, but I prescribe her, and--damn ye, sir, are ye going
+to defy me again?
+
+HOBSON. I tell you I won't have it.
+
+DOCTOR. You'll have to have it. You're a dunderheaded lump of obstinacy,
+but I've taken a fancy to ye and I decline to let ye kill yeself.
+
+HOBSON. I've escaped from the thraldom of women once, and--
+
+DOCTOR. And a pretty mess you've made of your liberty. Now this Maggie
+ye mention--if ye'll tell me where she's to be found, I'll just step
+round and have a crack with her maself, for I've gone beyond the sparing
+of a bit of trouble over ye.
+
+HOBSON. You'll waste your time.
+
+DOCTOR. I'll cure you, Mr. Hobson. (_Crosses to_ C. _and turns_.)
+
+HOBSON. She won't come back.
+
+DOCTOR. Oh. Now that's a possibility. If she's a sensible body I concur
+with your opinion she'll no come back, but women are a soft-hearted race
+and she'll maybe take pity on ye after all.
+
+HOBSON. I want no pity.
+
+DOCTOR. If she's the woman that I take her for ye'll get no pity. Ye'll
+get discipline.
+
+(HOBSON _rises and tries to speak_.)
+
+Don't interrupt me, sir. I'm talking.
+
+HOBSON. I've noticed it. (_Sits_.)
+
+DOCTOR. You asked me for a cure, and Maggie's the name of the cure you
+need. Maggie, sir, do you hear? Maggie!
+
+(_Enter_ MAGGIE L., _in outdoor clothes_.)
+
+MAGGIE. What about me?
+
+DOCTOR (_staggered, then_). Are you Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. I'm Maggie.
+
+DOCTOR. Ye'll do.
+
+HOBSON (_getting his breath_). What are you doing under my roof?
+
+MAGGIE. I've come because I was fetched. (_Coming_ C.)
+
+HOBSON. Who fetched you?
+
+MAGGIE. Tubby Wadlow.
+
+HOBSON (_rising_). Tubby can quit my shop this minute.
+
+DOCTOR (_putting him back_). Sit down, Mr. Hobson.
+
+MAGGIE. He said you're dangerously ill.
+
+DOCTOR. He is. I'm Doctor MacFarlane. (_Coming_ C.) Will you come and
+live here again?
+
+MAGGIE. I'm married.
+
+DOCTOR. I know that, Mrs.--
+
+MAGGIE. Mossop.
+
+DOCTOR. Your father's drinking himself to death, Mrs. Mossop.
+
+HOBSON. Look here, Doctor, what's passed between you and me isn't for
+everybody's ears.
+
+DOCTOR. I judge your daughter's not the sort to want the truth wrapped
+round with a feather-bed for fear it hits her hard.
+
+MAGGIE (_nodding appreciatively_). Go on. I'd like to hear it all.
+(_Goes to and sits in chair_ R. _of table_.)
+
+HOBSON. Just nasty-minded curiosity.
+
+DOCTOR. I don't agree with you, Mr. Hobson. If Mrs. Mossop is to
+sacrifice her own home to come to you, she's every right to know the
+reason why.
+
+HOBSON. Sacrifice! If you saw her home you'd find another word than
+that. Two cellars in Oldfield Road.
+
+MAGGIE. I'm waiting, Doctor.
+
+DOCTOR. I've a constitutional objection to seeing patients slip through
+ma fingers when it's avoidable, Mrs. Mossop, and I'll do ma best for
+your father, but ma medicine will na do him any good without your
+medicine to back me up. He needs a tight hand on him all the time.
+
+MAGGIE. I've not same chance I had before I married.
+
+DOCTOR. Ye'll have no chance at all unless ye come and live here. I
+willna talk about the duty of a daughter because I doubt he's acted
+badly by ye, but on the broad grounds of humanity, it's saving life if
+ye'll come--
+
+MAGGIE. I might.
+
+DOCTOR. Nay, but will ye?
+
+MAGGIE. You've told me what you think. The rest's my business. (_Rises
+and goes_ L.)
+
+HOBSON. That's right, Maggie. (_To_ DOCTOR.) That's what you get for
+interfering with folks' private affairs. So now you can go, with your
+tail between your legs, Doctor MacFarlane.
+
+DOCTOR. On the contrary, I am going, Mr. Hobson, with the profound
+conviction that I leave you in excellent hands. (R. _of table_.) One
+prescription is on the table, Mrs. Mossop. The other two are total
+abstinence and--you.
+
+MAGGIE (_nodding amiably_). Good morning.
+
+DOCTOR. Good morning.
+
+(_Exit_ DOCTOR L. MAGGIE _picks up prescription and follows to door_,
+L.) MAGGIE. Tubby!
+
+(_She stands by door_, TUBBY _just enters inside it_.)
+
+Go round to Oldfield Road and ask my husband to come here and get this
+made up at Hallow's on your way back.
+
+TUBBY. Yes, Miss--Mrs. Mossop.
+
+MAGGIE. Tell Mr. Mossop that I want him quick.
+
+(TUBBY _nods and goes_. MAGGIE _goes_ R.)
+
+HOBSON. Maggie, you know I can't be an abstainer. A man of my habits. At
+my time of life.
+
+MAGGIE. You can if I come here to make you.
+
+HOBSON. Are you coming?
+
+MAGGIE. I don't know yet. I haven't asked my husband.
+
+HOBSON. You ask Will Mossop! Maggie, I'd better thoughts of you. Making
+an excuse like that to me. If you want to come you'll come so what Will
+Mossop says and well you know it.
+
+MAGGIE. I don't want to come, father. I expect no holiday existence here
+with you to keep in health. But if Will tells me it's my duty I shall
+come. (_Sits_ R. _of table_.)
+
+HOBSON. You know as well as I do asking Will's a matter of form.
+
+MAGGIE. Matter of form! (_Rises and moves_ R.) My husband a matter of
+form! He's the--
+
+HOBSON. I dare say, but he is not the man that wears the breeches at
+your house.
+
+MAGGIE. My husband's my husband, father, so whatever else he is. And
+my home's my home, and all and what you said of it now to Doctor
+MacFarlane's a thing you'll pay for. It's no gift to a married woman to
+come back to the home she's shut of. (_Moves back_ R. C.)
+
+HOBSON. Look here, Maggie, you're talking straight and I'll talk
+straight and all. When I'm set I'm set. You're coming here. I didn't
+want you when that doctor said it, but, by gum, I want you now. It's
+been my daughters' hobby crossing me. Now you'll come and look after me.
+
+MAGGIE. All of us?
+
+HOBSON. No. Not all of you. You're eldest.
+
+MAGGIE. There's another man with claims on me.
+
+HOBSON. I'll give him claims. Aren't I your father?
+
+(ALICE _enters_ L. _She is rather elaborately dressed for so early in
+the day, and languidly haughty_.)
+
+MAGGIE. And I'm not your only daughter.
+
+ALICE. You been here long, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. A while.
+
+ALICE (L.C.). Ah, well, a fashionable solicitor's wife doesn't rise so
+early as the wife of a working cobbler. You'd be up when Tubby came.
+
+MAGGIE. A couple of hours earlier. (_Moves up_ R.)
+
+ALICE (_going to_ HOBSON). You're looking all right, father. You've
+quite a colour.
+
+HOBSON. I'm very ill.
+
+MAGGIE (_sitting_ R. _of table_). He's not so well, Alice. The doctor
+says one of us must come and live here to look after him.
+
+ALICE. I live in the Crescent myself.
+
+MAGGIE. I've heard it was that way on. Somebody's home will have to go.
+
+ALICE. I don't think I can be expected to come back to this after what
+I've been used to lately.
+
+HOBSON. Alice!
+
+ALICE. Well, I say it ought to be Maggie, father. She's the eldest.
+(_Moves to above table_.)
+
+HOBSON. And I say you're--
+
+(_What she is we don't learn, as_ VICKEY _enters effectively and goes
+effusively to_ HOBSON, R. ALICE _moves round to_ L.)
+
+VICKEY. Father, you're ill! (_Embracing him_.)
+
+HOBSON. Vickey! My baby! At last I find a daughter who cares for me.
+
+VICKEY. Of course I care. Don't the others? (_Releasing herself from his
+grasp_.)
+
+HOBSON. You will live with me, Vickey, won't you?
+
+VICKEY. What? (_She stands away from him_.)
+
+MAGGIE. One of us is needed to look after him.
+
+VICKEY. Oh, but it can't be me. In my circumstances, Maggie!
+
+MAGGIE. What circumstances?
+
+ALICE. Don't you know?
+
+MAGGIE. No.
+
+(VICKEY _whispers to_ MAGGIE.)
+
+HOBSON. What's the matter? What are you all whispering about?
+
+MAGGIE. Father, don't you think you ought to put a collar on before Will
+comes? (_Goes to him_, R.)
+
+HOBSON. Put a collar on for Will Mossop? There's something wrong with
+your sense of proportion, my girl.
+
+VICKEY (_moving_ C.). You're always pretending to folk about your
+husband, Maggie, but you needn't keep it up with us. We know Will here.
+
+MAGGIE. Father, either I can go home or you can go and put a collar on
+for Will. I'll have him treated with respect. (_Going up to window_.)
+
+ALICE. I expect you'd put a collar on in any case, father.
+
+HOBSON (_rising_). Of course I should. I'm going to put a collar on.
+But understand me, Maggie, it's not for the sake of Will Mossop. It's
+because my neck is cold.
+
+(_Exit_ HOBSON R.)
+
+MAGGIE (_coming down_). Now, then, which of us is it to be?
+
+VICKEY. It's no use looking at me like that, Maggie. I've told you I'm
+expecting.
+
+MAGGIE. I don't see that that rules you out. It might happen to any of
+us.
+
+ALICE. Maggie!
+
+MAGGIE. What's the matter? Children do happen to married women, and
+we're all married.
+
+ALICE. Well, I'm not going to break my home up and that's flat.
+
+VICKEY. My child comes first with me.
+
+MAGGIE. I see. You've got a house of furniture, and you've got a child
+coming, so father can drink himself to death for you.
+
+ALICE. That's not fair speaking. I'd come if there were no one else. You
+know very well it's your duty, Maggie.
+
+VICKEY. Duty? I should think it 'ud be a pleasure to live here after a
+year of two cellars.
+
+MAGGIE. I've had thirty years of the pleasure of living with father,
+thanks. (_Going to chair_ R. _of table and sitting_.)
+
+ALICE. Do you mean to say you won't come?
+
+MAGGIE. It isn't for me to say at all. It's for my husband.
+
+VICKEY. Oh, do stop talking about your husband. If Alice and I don't
+need to ask our husbands, I'm sure you never need ask yours. Will Mossop
+hasn't the spirit of a louse and we know it as well as you do. (_Crosses
+to fire-place_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Maybe Will's come on since you saw him, Vickey. It's getting a
+while ago. There he is now in the shop. I'll go and put it to him.
+
+(_Rises and exits_ MAGGIE L.)
+
+VICKEY. Stop her! (_Going to door_.)
+
+ALICE (_detaining her_). Let her do it in her own way. I'm not coming
+back here.
+
+VICKEY (R. _of_ ALICE). Nor me.
+
+ALICE. There's only Maggie for it.
+
+VICKEY. Yes. But we've got to be careful, Alice. She mustn't have things
+too much her way.
+
+ALICE. It's our way as well, isn't it?
+
+VICKEY. Not coming is our way. But when she's with him alone and we're
+not--(_Stopping_.)
+
+ALICE. Yes.
+
+VICKEY. Can't you see what I'm thinking, Alice? It is so difficult to
+say. Suppose poor father gets worse and they are here, Maggie and Will,
+and you and I--out of sight and out of mind. Can't you see what I mean?
+
+ALICE. He might leave them his money!
+
+VICKEY. That would be most unfair to us.
+
+ALICE. Father must make his will at once. Albert shall draw it up.
+(_Goes_ R.)
+
+VICKEY. That's it, Alice. And don't let's leave Maggie too long with
+Will. She's only telling him what to say, and then she'll pretend he
+thought of it himself. (_She opens door left_.) Why, Will, what are you
+doing up the ladder?
+
+WILLIE (_off_ L). I'm looking over the stock.
+
+VICKEY (_indignantly_). It's father's stock, not yours.
+
+WILLIE. That's so. But if I'm to come into a thing I like to know what
+I'm coming into.
+
+ALICE. That's never Willie Mossop.
+
+VICKEY (_still by door_). Are you coming into this?
+
+(WILL _enters_ L. MAGGIE _follows him. He is not aggressive, but he is
+prosperous and has self-confidence. Against_ ALICE _and_ VICKEY _he is
+consciously on his mettle_.)
+
+WILLIE. That's the proposal, isn't it?
+
+VICKEY (C.). I didn't know it was.
+
+WILLIE. Now, then, Maggie, go and bring your father down and be sharp.
+I'm busy at my shop, so what they are at his.
+
+(MAGGIE _takes_ WILL'S _hat off and puts it on settee, then exits up_
+R.)
+
+It's been a good business in its day, too, has Hobson's.
+
+ALICE. What on earth do you mean? It's a good business still.
+
+WILLIE. You try to sell it, and you'd learn. Stock and goodwill 'ud
+fetch about two hundred. (_Goes_ C.)
+
+VICKEY. Don't talk so foolish, Will. Two hundred for a business like
+father's!
+
+WILLIE. Two hundred as it is. Not as it was in our time, Vickey.
+
+ALICE. Do you mean to tell me father isn't rich?
+
+WILLIE. If you'd not married into the law you'd know what they think
+of your father to-day in trading circles. Vickey ought to know. Her
+husband's in trade.
+
+VICKEY (_indignantly_). My Fred in trade!
+
+WILLIE. Isn't he?
+
+VICKEY. He's in the wholesale. That's business, not trade. And the value
+of father's shop is no affair of yours, Will Mossop. (_Moves_ L.)
+
+WILLIE. Now I thought maybe it was. If Maggie and me are coming here--
+
+VICKEY. You're coming to look after father.
+
+WILLIE. Maggie can do that with one hand tied behind her back. I'll look
+after the business.
+
+ALICE. You'll do what's arranged for you.
+
+WILLIE. I'll do the arranging, Alice. If we come here, we come here on
+my terms.
+
+VICKEY. They'll be fair terms.
+
+WILLIE. I'll see they're fair to me and Maggie. (_Goes_ R.)
+
+ALICE. Will Mossop, do you know who you're talking to?
+
+WILLIE (_turning_). Aye. My wife's young sisters. Times have changed a
+bit since you used to order me about this shop, haven't they, Alice?
+
+ALICE. Yes. I'm Mrs. Albert Prosser now.
+
+WILLIE. So you are, to outsiders. And you'd be surprised the number of
+people that call me Mr. Mossop now. We do get on in the world, don't we?
+(ALICE _moves up stage_.)
+
+VICKEY. Some folks get on too fast.
+
+WILLIE. It's a matter of opinion. (_Coming_ C.) I know Maggie and me
+gave both of you a big leg up when we arranged your marriage portions,
+but I dunno that we're grudging you the sudden lift you got.
+
+(_Enter_ HOBSON _and_ MAGGIE.)
+
+WILLIE. Good morning, father. I'm sorry to hear you're not so well.
+
+HOBSON. I'm a changed man, Will. (_He comes down and sits on arm-chair_,
+R.)
+
+WILLIE. There used to be room for improvement.
+
+HOBSON. What! (_He starts up_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Sit down, father.
+
+WILLIE (_sitting_ R. _of table_). Aye. Don't let us be too long about
+this. You've kept me waiting now a good while and my time's valuable.
+I'm busy at my shop.
+
+HOBSON. Is your shop more important than my life?
+
+WILLIE. That's a bit like asking if a pound of tea weighs heavier than
+a pound of lead. I'm worrited about your life because it worrits Maggie,
+but I'm none worrited that bad I'll see my business suffer for the sake
+of you.
+
+HOBSON. This isn't what I've a right to expect from you, Will.
+
+WILLIE. You've no _right_ to expect I care whether you sink or swim.
+
+MAGGIE. Will!
+
+WILLIE. What's to do? You told me to take a high hand, didn't you?
+
+(MAGGIE _sits down_ R.)
+
+ALICE. And we're to stay here and watch Maggie and Will abusing father
+when he's ill.
+
+(_Positions now_: MAGGIE _sitting down_ R., HOBSON _sitting in
+armchair_, ALICE _standing behind and between them_, VICKEY _standing_
+L. _of table_.)
+
+WILLIE. No need for you to stay.
+
+HOBSON. That's a true word, Will Mossop.
+
+VICKEY. Father! You take his side against your flesh and blood.
+
+HOBSON. That doesn't come too well from you, my girl. Neither of you
+would leave your homes to come to care for me. You're not for me, so
+you're against me.
+
+ALICE. We're not against you, father. We want to stay and see that Will
+deals fairly by you.
+
+HOBSON. Oh, I'm not capable of looking after myself, amn't I? I've to be
+protected by you girls lest I'm overreached, and overreached by whom? By
+Willie Mossop! I may be ailing, but I've fight enough left in me for a
+dozen such as him, and if you're thinking that the manhood's gone from
+me, you can go and think it somewhere else than in my house.
+
+VICKEY. But father--dear father--
+
+HOBSON. I'm not so dear to you if you'd to think twice about coming here
+to do for me, let alone jibbing at it the way you did. A proper daughter
+would have jumped--aye, skipped like a calf by the cedars of Lebanon--at
+the thought of being helpful to her father.
+
+ALICE. Did Maggie skip?
+
+HOBSON. She's a bit ancient for skipping exercise, is Maggie; but she's
+coming round to reconcilement with the thought of living here, and that
+is more than you are doing, Alice, isn't it? Eh? Are you willing to
+come?
+
+ALICE (_sullenly_). No.
+
+HOBSON. Or you, Vickey?
+
+VICKEY. It's my child, father. I--
+
+HOBSON. Never mind what it is. Are you coming or not?
+
+VICKEY. No.
+
+HOBSON. Then you that aren't willing can leave me to talk with them that
+are.
+
+ALICE. Do you mean that we're to go?
+
+HOBSON. I understand you've homes to go to.
+
+ALICE. Oh, father!
+
+HOBSON. Open the door for them, Will.
+
+(WILL _rises, crosses, and opens door_. ALICE _and_ VICKEY _stare in
+silent anger. Then_ ALICE _sweeps to her gloves on the table_.)
+
+ALICE. Vickey!
+
+(ALICE _moves on towards door_.)
+
+VICKEY. Well, I don't know!
+
+MAGGIE (_from her chair by the fire-place_). We'll be glad to see you
+here at tea-time on a Sunday afternoon if you'll condescend to come
+sometimes.
+
+VICKEY. Beggars on horseback.
+
+(VICKEY _and_ ALICE _pass out_.)
+
+WILL (_closing door_). Nay, come, there's no ill-will. (He _returns to
+table and sits_ R. _of it_.)
+
+HOBSON. Now, my lad, I'll tell you what I'll do.
+
+WILLIE. Aye, we can come to grips better now there are no fine ladies
+about.
+
+HOBSON. They've got stiff necks with pride, and the difference between
+you two and them's a thing I ought to mark and that I'm going to mark.
+There's times for holding back and times for letting loose, and being
+generous. Now, you're coming here, to this house, both of you, and you
+can have the back bedroom for your own and the use of this room split
+along with me. Maggie 'ull keep house, and if she's time to spare she
+can lend a hand in the shop. I'm finding Will a job. You can come back
+to your old bench in the cellar, Will, and I'll pay you the old wage
+of eighteen shillings a week and you and me 'ull go equal whacks in the
+cost of the housekeeping, and if that's not handsome, I dunno what is.
+I'm finding you a house rent free and paying half the keep of your wife.
+
+WILLIE. Come home, Maggie. (_He rises, goes_ L.)
+
+MAGGIE. I think I'll have to. (_She rises_.)
+
+HOBSON. Whatever's the hurry for?
+
+WILLIE. It may be news to you--(_moving a little_ R.),--but I've a
+business round in Oldfield Road and I'm neglecting it with wasting my
+time here.
+
+HOBSON. Wasting time? Maggie, what's the matter with Will? I've made him
+a proposal.
+
+MAGGIE. He's a shop of his own to see to, father.
+
+HOBSON. (_incredulous_). A man who's offered a job at Hobson's doesn't
+want to worry with a shop of his own in a wretched cellar in Oldfield
+Road.
+
+WILLIE. Shall I tell him, Maggie, or shall we go?
+
+HOBSON. Go! I don't want to keep a man who--(_Rises_.)
+
+MAGGIE. If he goes, I go with him, father. You'd better speak out, Will.
+
+WILLIE. All right, I will. We've been a year in yon wretched cellar and
+do you know what we've done? We've paid off Mrs. Hepworth what she lent
+us for our start and made a bit o' brass on top o' that. We've got your
+high-class trade away from you. That shop's a cellar, and as you say,
+it's wretched, but they come to us in it, and they don't come to you.
+Your trade's gone down till all you sell is clogs. You've got no trade,
+and me and Maggie's got it all and now you're on your bended knees to
+her to come and live with you, and all you think to offer me is my old
+job at eighteen shillings a week. Me that's the owner of a business that
+is starving yours to death.
+
+HOBSON. But--but--you're Will Mossop, you're my old shoe hand.
+
+WILLIE. Aye. I were, but I've moved on a bit since then. Your daughter
+married me and set about my education. And--and now I'll tell you what
+I'll do and it'll be the handsome thing and all from me to you. I'll
+close my shop--
+
+HOBSON. Oh! That doesn't sound like doing so well.
+
+WILLIE. I'm doing well, but I'll do better here. I'll transfer to this
+address and what I'll do that's generous is this: I'll take you into
+partnership and give you your half-share on the condition you're
+sleeping partner and you don't try interference on with me. (_Goes_ L.)
+
+HOBSON. A partner! You--here--
+
+WILLIE. William Mossop, late Hobson, is the name this shop 'ull have.
+
+MAGGIE. Wait a bit, Will. I don't agree to that.
+
+HOBSON (_over to her_). Oh, so you have piped up at last. I began to
+think you'd both lost your senses together.
+
+MAGGIE. It had better not be "late Hobson."
+
+WILLIE (L. C.). Well, I meant it should.
+
+HOBSON. Just wait a bit. I want to know if I'm taking this in aright.
+(_Moves_ R. C.) I'm to be given a half-share in my own business on
+condition I take no part in running it. Is that what you said?
+
+WILLIE. That's it.
+
+HOBSON. Well, I've heard of impudence before, but--
+
+MAGGIE. It's all right, father.
+
+HOBSON. But did you hear what he said?
+
+MAGGIE. Yes. That's settled. Quite settled, father. (_Pushing him_.)
+It's only the name we're arguing about. (_To_ WILL.) I won't have "late
+Hobson's", Will.
+
+HOBSON. I'm not dead, yet, my lad, and I'll show you I'm not.
+
+MAGGIE. I think Hobson and Mossop is best.
+
+HOBSON. His name on my sign-board!
+
+WILLIE. The best I'll do is this: Mossop and Hobson.
+
+MAGGIE. No.
+
+WILLIE. Mossop and Hobson or it's Oldfield Road for us, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. Very well. Mossop and Hobson.
+
+(WILL _moves_ L.)
+
+HOBSON. But--
+
+(MAGGIE _moves up stage_ R.)
+
+WILLIE (_opening door and looking through_). I'll make some alterations
+in this shop, and all. I will so. (_He goes through door and returns at
+once with a battered cane chair_.)
+
+HOBSON. Alterations in my shop! (_Goes_ C.)
+
+WILLIE. In mine. Look at that chair. How can you expect the high-class
+customers to come and sit on a chair like that? Why, we'd only a cellar,
+but they did sit on cretonne for their trying on.
+
+HOBSON. Cretonne! It's pampering folk.
+
+(MAGGIE _comes down stage_ R.)
+
+WILLIE. Cretonne for a cellar, and morocco for this shop. Folk like
+to be pampered. Pampering pays. (_He takes the chair out and returns
+immediately_.) There'll be a carpet on that floor, too.
+
+HOBSON. Carpet! Morocco! Young man, do you think this shop is in Saint
+Ann's Square, Manchester?
+
+WILLIE. Not yet. But it is going to be.
+
+HOBSON. What does he mean? (_Appealing to heaven_.)
+
+WILLIE. It's no farther from Chapel Street to Saint Ann's Square than it
+is from Oldfield Road to Chapel Street. I've done one jump in a year
+and if I wait a bit I'll do the other. (HOBSON _sits_ R. _of table_.)
+Maggie, I reckon your father could do with a bit of fresh air after
+this. I dare say it's come sudden to him. Suppose you walk with him
+to Albert Prosser's office and get Albert to draw up the deed of
+partnership.
+
+HOBSON (_looking pathetically first at_ MAGGIE, _then at_ WILLIE,
+_rising obediently_). I'll go and get my hat.
+
+(_Exit_ HOBSON R.)
+
+WILLIE. He's crushed-like, Maggie. I'm afraid I bore on him too hard.
+(_Going_ R. C.)
+
+MAGGIE. You needn't be.
+
+WILLIE. I said such things to him, and they sounded as if I meant them,
+too.
+
+MAGGIE. Didn't you?
+
+WILLIE. Did I? Yes ... I suppose I did. That's just the worst ... from
+me to him. You told me to be strong and use the power that's come to me
+through you, but he's the old master, and--
+
+MAGGIE. And you're the new.
+
+WILLIE. Master of Hobson's! It's an outrageous big idea. Did I sound
+confident, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. You did all right.
+
+WILLIE (_sits_ R. _of table_). Eh, but I weren't by half so certain as I
+sounded. Words came from my mouth that made me jump at my own boldness,
+and when it came to facing you about the name, I tell you I fair
+trembled in my shoes. I was carried away like, or I'd not have dared to
+cross you, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. Don't spoil it, Will. (_Moves to him_.) You're the man I've made
+you and I'm proud.
+
+WILLIE. Thy pride is not in same street, lass, with the pride I have in
+you. And that reminds me. (_Rises, moves up and gets his hat_.) I've a
+job to see to.
+
+MAGGIE. What job?
+
+WILLIE (_coming down_ L.). Oh--about the improvements.
+
+MAGGIE. You'll not do owt without consulting me.
+
+WILLIE. I'll do this, lass. (_Goes to and takes her hand_.)
+
+MAGGIE. What are you doing? You leave my wedding ring alone. (_Wrenches
+hand free_.)
+
+WILLIE. You've worn a brass one long enough.
+
+MAGGIE. I'll wear that ring for ever, Will.
+
+WILLIE. I was for getting you a proper one, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. I'm not preventing you. I'll wear your gold for show, but that
+brass stays where you put it, Will, and if we get too rich and proud
+we'll just sit down together quiet and take a long look at it, so as
+we'll not forget the truth about ourselves ... Eh, lad! (_She touches
+him affectionately_.)
+
+WILL. Eh, lass! (_He kisses her_.)
+
+(_Enter_ HOBSON R. _with his hat on_.)
+
+MAGGIE. Ready, father. Come along to Albert's.
+
+HOBSON (_meekly_). Yes, Maggie.
+
+(MAGGIE _and_ HOBSON _cross below_ WILL _and go out_ L. WILL _comes
+down with amazement, triumph and incredulity written on his face, and
+attempts to express the inexpressible by saying_--)
+
+WILL. Well, by gum! (_He turns to follow the others_.)
+
+
+CURTAIN.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Hobson's Choice, by Harold Brighouse
+
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