diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'old/60071-h/60071-h.htm')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/60071-h/60071-h.htm | 4956 |
1 files changed, 0 insertions, 4956 deletions
diff --git a/old/60071-h/60071-h.htm b/old/60071-h/60071-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index 05b60d7..0000000 --- a/old/60071-h/60071-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,4956 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=UTF-8" /> - <title>Principles of Politeness, and of Knowing the World, by Philip Dormer Stanhope (Lord Chesterfield)--A Project Gutenberg eBook</title> - <link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> - <style type="text/css"> - body { margin-left: 8%; margin-right: 10%; } - h1 { text-align: center; font-weight: normal; font-size: 1.4em; } - h2 { text-align: center; font-weight: normal; font-size: 1.2em; } - h3 { text-align: center; font-weight: normal; font-size: 1.2em; } - .pageno { right: 1%; font-size: x-small; background-color: inherit; color: silver; - text-indent: 0em; text-align: right; position: absolute; - border: thin solid silver; padding: .1em .2em; font-style: normal; - font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; } - p { text-indent: 0; margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; text-align: justify; } - sup { vertical-align: top; font-size: 0.6em; } - .fss { font-size: 75%; } - .sc { font-variant: small-caps; } - .large { font-size: large; } - .xlarge { font-size: x-large; } - .xxlarge { font-size: xx-large; } - .small { font-size: small; } - .lg-container-b { text-align: center; } - @media handheld { .lg-container-b { clear: both; } } - .linegroup { display: inline-block; text-align: left; } - @media handheld { .linegroup { display: block; margin-left: 1.5em; } } - .linegroup .group { margin: 1em auto; } - .linegroup .line { text-indent: -3em; padding-left: 3em; } - div.linegroup > :first-child { margin-top: 0; } - ul.ul_1 {padding-left: 0; margin-left: 2.78%; margin-top: .5em; - margin-bottom: .5em; list-style-type: disc; } - ul.ul_2 {padding-left: 0; margin-left: 6.94%; margin-top: .5em; - margin-bottom: .5em; list-style-type: circle; } - div.footnote {margin-left: 2.5em; } - div.footnote > :first-child { margin-top: 1em; } - div.footnote .label { display: inline-block; width: 0em; text-indent: -2.5em; - text-align: right; } - div.pbb { page-break-before: always; } - hr.pb { border: none; border-bottom: thin solid; margin-bottom: 1em; } - @media handheld { hr.pb { display: none; } } - .chapter { clear: both; page-break-before: always; } - .figcenter { clear: both; max-width: 100%; margin: 2em auto; text-align: center; } - div.figcenter p { text-align: center; text-indent: 0; } - .figcenter img { max-width: 100%; height: auto; } - .id001 { width:600px; } - .id002 { width:200px; } - @media handheld { .id001 { margin-left:12%; width:75%; } } - @media handheld { .id002 { margin-left:37%; width:25%; } } - .ic001 { width:100%; } - .ig001 { width:100%; } - .table0 { margin: auto; margin-top: 2em; margin-left: 26%; margin-right: 26%; - width: 48%; } - .nf-center { text-align: center; } - .nf-center-c0 { text-align: left; margin: 0.5em 0; } - .c000 { margin-top: 1em; } - .c001 { page-break-before: always; margin-top: 4em; } - .c002 { border: none; border-bottom: thin solid; margin-top: 1em; - margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 20%; width: 60%; margin-right: 20%; } - .c003 { margin-top: 2em; } - .c004 { page-break-before:auto; margin-top: 4em; } - .c005 { margin-top: 2em; text-indent: 1em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } - .c006 { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } - .c007 { margin-top: 4em; } - .c008 { page-break-before: always; margin-top: 2em; } - .c009 { margin-top: 1em; text-indent: 1em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } - .c010 { text-decoration: none; } - .c011 { font-size: 85%; } - .c012 { margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } - .c013 { border: none; border-bottom: thin solid; margin: 1em auto; } - .c014 { margin-left: 1.39%; margin-top: 1em; font-size: 85%; } - .c015 { vertical-align: top; text-align: left; padding-right: 1em; } - .c016 { vertical-align: top; text-align: right; } - body {width:80%; margin:auto; } - .tnbox {background-color:#E3E4FA;border:1px solid silver;padding: 0.5em; - margin:2em 10% 0 10%; } - </style> - </head> - <body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Principles of politeness, and of knowing -the world, by Philip Dormer Stanhope (Earl of Chesterfield) - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Principles of politeness, and of knowing the world - -Author: Philip Dormer Stanhope (Earl of Chesterfield) - -Release Date: August 7, 2019 [EBook #60071] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PRINCIPLES OF POLITENESS *** - - - - -Produced by Turgut Dincer, Barry Abrahamsen, and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class='figcenter id001'> -<img src='images/cover.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -<div class='ic001'> -<p><span class='small'>The cover image was created by the transcriber and is placed in the public domain.</span></p> -</div> -</div> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c000' /> -</div> -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_1'>1</span> - <h1 class='c001'><span class='xxlarge'>PRINCIPLES</span><br /><span class='sc'>Of</span> POLITENESS,<br />AND OF<br />KNOWING <span class='small'>THE</span> WORLD.</h1> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c000'> - <div>By the late <span class='sc'>Lord</span> CHESTERFIELD.</div> - <div class='c000'>Methodised and digested under distinct Heads,</div> - <div class='c000'>WITH ADDITIONS,</div> - <div class='c000'>By the Rev. Dr. JOHN TRUSLER:</div> - <div class='c000'>CONTAINING</div> - <div class='c000'>Every Instruction necessary to complete the</div> - <div><span class='sc'>Gentleman</span> and <span class='sc'>Man of Fashion</span>; to</div> - <div>teach him a Knowledge of Life, and make</div> - <div>him well received in all Companies.</div> - <div class='c000'>TO WHICH IS NOW FIRST ANNEXED</div> - <div class='c000'><span class='xlarge'>A FATHER’S LEGACY</span></div> - <div><span class='sc'>To his</span> <span class='large'>DAUGHTERS</span>:</div> - <div class='c000'>By the late Dr. GREGORY,</div> - <div><span class='small'>OF</span> <span class='sc'>Edinburgh</span>.</div> - <div class='c000'>The whole admirably calculated for the</div> - <div><span class='fss'>IMPROVEMENT</span> of <span class='sc'>Youth</span>, yet not beneath</div> - <div>the attention of any.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c002' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>PORTSMOUTH, <span class='sc'>New-Hampshire</span>:</div> - <div><span class='sc'>Printed by Melcher</span> and <span class='sc'>Osborne</span>.</div> - <div><span class='sc'>M,dcc,lxxxvi.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c003' /> -</div> -<div class='figcenter id001'> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_2'>2</span> -<img src='images/intro-deco.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c004'>INTRODUCTION</h2> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c003'> - <div><span class='sc'>To the</span> PORTSMOUTH EDITION.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c005'><i>The two parts of this work, which -have heretofore been printed separate, -are now offered to the Public in one volume, -as a system of polite and moral instruction -for both sexes: This edition is critically -corrected, with the special design of furnishing -English schools, at a small expence, -with a</i> proper <i>book for reading and parsing -their own language, that the teacher may be -provided with suitable means for mending -the manners of his pupils, while he informs -their understandings, by analyzing the grammatical -construction, and pointing out the -beauties of the most approved style</i>.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Portsmouth</span>, <i>Jan. 1786</i>.</p> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c003' /> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c007'> - <div><span class='pageno' id='Page_3'>3</span><span class='xxlarge'>ADVERTISEMENT.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c005'><i>The late Lord</i> <span class='sc'>Chesterfield</span> <i>having been universally -allowed to be one of the best bred men of -the age, and most intimately acquainted with the principles -and manners of mankind, the Editor of the following pages -humbly apprehends he could not do the rising generation a -greater service, than by collecting those valuable precepts -which are contained in his celebrated letters to his son, digesting -them under distinct heads, and thereby forming a system -of the most useful instruction.</i></p> - -<p class='c006'><i>To that end, he has diligently selected every observation -and remark that can possibly improve or inform the mind, -within the rules of morality: and where there seemed a deficiency -in any part of the system, from the occasional chasms -in Lord Chesterfield’s correspondence, he has endeavoured to -supply it. Much might have been said on the subject of -indelicacy, but as instructions on that head, to persons possessed -of a liberal education, must have been unnecessary, -they are here purposely omitted. Some may be apt to think, -that many things in this work are too frivolous to be mentioned; -but when it is remembered they are calculated for the -multitude, it is presumed they will be received as respectable -admonitions. In short, it has been the Editor’s study -to make Lord Chesterfield useful to every class of youth; to -lay that instruction before them, which they with difficulty -must have found amidst a heap of other matter; in a word, -to give the very essence of his letters, and at a tenth part -of the</i> price <i>those letters sell for</i>.</p> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c003' /> -</div> -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_7'>7</span> - <h2 class='c004'><span class='xxlarge'>PRINCIPLES</span><br />OF<br />POLITENESS, &c.</h2> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c003'> - <div>ADDRESSED TO</div> - <div>EVERY YOUNG GENTLEMAN.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c005'>As all young men, on their first outset in life, -are in want of some experienced and friendly -hand to bring them forward, and teach them -a knowledge of the world; I think I cannot do the -rising generation a greater service, than by directing -the young man’s steps, and teaching him how to -make his way among the crowd. I will suppose him -already instructed in the principles of religion, and -necessity of moral virtues; (for without these he must -be most unhappy) of course shall, in a series of chapters, -point out, under distinct heads, the qualifications -necessary to make him well received in the world; -without which, he cannot expect to bear his part in -life, agreeably to his own wishes, or the duty he owes -to society; and as modesty is the basis of a proper reception, -I shall begin with that.</p> -<h3 class='c008'>MODESTY.</h3> - -<p class='c009'>Modesty is a polite accomplishment, and -generally an attendant upon merit: It is engaging -to the highest degree, and wins the heart of -all our acquaintance. On the contrary, none are -more disgustful in company than the impudent and -presuming.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_8'>8</span><span class='sc'>The</span> man who is, on all occasions, commending -and speaking well of himself, we naturally dislike. -On the other hand, he who studies to conceal his own -defects, who does justice to the merit of others, who -talks but little of himself, and that with modesty, -makes a favourable impression on the persons he is -conversing with, captivates their minds, and gains -their esteem.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Modesty</span>, however, widely differs from an awkward -bashfulness, which is as much to be condemned -as the other is to be applauded. To appear simple is -as ill-bred as to be impudent. A young man ought -to be able to come into a room and address the company, -without the least embarrassment. To be out -of countenance when spoken to, and not to have -an answer ready, is ridiculous to the last degree.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>An</span> awkward country fellow, when he comes into -company better than himself, is exceedingly disconcerted. -He knows not what to do with his hands, or -his hat, but either puts one of them in his pocket, -and dangles the other by his side; or perhaps twirls -his hat on his fingers, or fumbles with the button. -If spoken to, he is in a much worse situation, he answers -with the utmost difficulty, and nearly stammers; -whereas a gentleman, who is acquainted with life, -enters a room with gracefulness and a modest assurance, -addresses even persons he does not know, in an -easy and natural manner, and without the least embarrassment. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_9'>9</span>This is the characteristic of good-breeding, -a very necessary knowledge in our intercourse -with men; for one of inferior parts, with the behaviour -of a gentleman, is frequently better received -than a man of sense, with the address and manners of -a clown.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Ignorance</span> and vice are the only things we need -be ashamed of; steer clear of these, and you may go -into any company you will: Not that I would have -a young man throw off all dread of appearing abroad; -as a fear of offending, or being disesteemed, will -make him observe a proper decorum. Some persons -from experiencing the inconveniencies of false modesty, -have run into the other extreme, and acquired the -character of impudent: This is as great a fault as -the other. A well-bred man keeps himself within -the two, and steers the middle way. He is easy and -firm in every company, is modest but not bashful, -steady but not impudent. He copies the manners of -the better people, and conforms to their customs with -ease and attention.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Till</span> we can present ourselves in all companies -with coolness and unconcern, we can never present -ourselves well; nor will a man ever be supposed to -have kept good company, or ever be acceptable in -such company, if he cannot appear there easy and -unembarrassed. A modest assurance, in every part of -life, is the most advantageous qualification we can -possibly acquire.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_10'>10</span><span class='sc'>Instead</span> of becoming insolent, a man of sense, -under a consciousness of merit, is more modest. He -behaves himself indeed with firmness, but without the -least presumption. The man who is ignorant of his -own merit, is no less a fool than he who is constantly -displaying it. A man of understanding avails himself -of his abilities, but never boasts of them; whereas -the timid and bashful can never push himself in life, -be his merit as great as it will; he will be always -kept behind by the forward and bustling. A man of -abilities, and acquainted with life, will stand as firm -in defence of his own rights, and pursue his plans -as steadily and unmoved, as the most impudent man -alive; but then he does it with a seeming modesty. -Thus manner is every thing; what is impudence in -one, is proper assurance only in another; for firmness -is commendable, but an overbearing conduct is disgustful.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Forwardness</span> being the very reverse of modesty, -follow rather than lead the company; that is, join in -discourse upon subjects, rather than start one of your -own: If you have parts, you will have opportunities -enough of shewing them on every topic of conversation, -and if you have none, it is better to expose -yourself upon a subject of other people’s than of your -own.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>But</span>, be particularly careful not to speak of yourself, -if you can help it. An impudent fellow lugs in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_11'>11</span>himself abruptly upon all occasions, and is ever the -hero of his own story. Others will colour their arrogance -with, ‘It may seem strange, indeed, that I -should talk in this manner of myself; it is what I by -no means like, and should never do, if I had not been -cruelly and unjustly accused; but when my character -is attacked, it is a justice I owe to myself, to defend -it.’ This veil is too thin not to be seen through on -the first inspection.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Others</span> again, with more art, will <i>modestly</i> boast -of all the principal virtues, by calling those virtues -weaknesses, and saying, they are so unfortunate as to -fall into weaknesses. ‘I cannot see persons suffer,’ -says one of this cast, ‘without relieving them; -though my circumstances are very unable to afford -it.’ ‘I cannot avoid speaking truth, though it is -often very imprudent,’ and so on.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>This</span> angling for praise is so prevailing a principle, -that it frequently stoops to the lowest objects. Men -will often boast of doing that, which, if true, would -be rather a disgrace to them than otherwise. One -man affirms that he rode twenty miles within the -hour; ’tis probably a lie; but suppose he did, what -then? He had a good horse under him, and is a -good jockey. Another swears he has often at a sitting, -drank five or six bottles to his own share. Out -of respect to him, I will believe <i>him</i> a liar, for I -would not wish to think him a beast.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_12'>12</span><span class='sc'>These</span> and many more are the follies of idle people, -which, while they think they procure them esteem, -in reality make them despised.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>To</span> avoid this contempt, therefore, never speak of -yourself at all, unless necessity obliges you; and even -then, take care to do it in such a manner, that it may -not be construed in to fishing for applause. Whatever -perfections you may have, be assured, people will find -them out; but whether they do or not, nobody will -take them upon your own word. The less you say of -yourself, the more the world will give you credit for; -and the more you say, the less they will believe you.</p> -<h3 class='c008'>LYING.</h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>Of</span> all the vices, there is no one more criminal, -more mean, and more ridiculous, than lying. -The end we design by it is very seldom accomplished, -for lies are always found out, at one time or other; -and yet there are persons who give way to this vice, -who are otherwise of good principles, and have not -been ill educated.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Lies</span> generally proceed from vanity, cowardice, -and a revengeful disposition, and sometimes from a -mistaken notion of self-defence.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>He</span> who tells a malicious lie, with a view of injuring -the person he speaks of, may gratify his wish for -a while, but will, in the end, find it recoil upon himself; -for, as soon as he is detected (and detected he -<span class='pageno' id='Page_13'>13</span>most certainly will be) he is despised for the infamous -attempt, and whatever he may say hereafter of that -person, will be considered as false, whether it be so or -not.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span> a man lies, shuffles, or equivocates, for, in fact, -they are all alike, by way of excuse for any thing he -has said or done, he aggravates the offence rather than -lessens it; for the person to whom the lie is told has a -right to know the truth, or there would have been no -occasion to have framed a falsehood. This person, of -course, will think himself ill treated for being a second -time affronted; for what can be a greater affront -than an attempt to impose upon any man’s understanding? -Besides, lying, in excuse for a fault, betrays -fear, than which nothing is more dastardly, and -unbecoming the character of a gentleman.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> is nothing more manly, or more noble, if -we have done wrong, than frankly to own it. It is -the only way of meeting forgiveness. Indeed, confessing -a fault and asking pardon, with great minds, is -considered as a sufficient atonement. ‘I have been -betrayed into an error,’ or ‘I have injured you, -Sir, and am heartily ashamed of it, and sorry for it,’ -has frequently disarmed the person injured, and where -he would have been our enemy, has made him our -friend.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> are persons also, whose <i>vanity</i> leads them -to tell a thousand lies. They persuade themselves, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_14'>14</span>that if it be no way injurious to others, it is harmless -and innocent, and they shelter their falsehoods under -the softer name of <i>untruths</i>. These persons are foolish -enough to imagine, that if they can recite any thing -wonderful, they draw the attention of the company, -and if they themselves are the objects of that wonder, -they are looked up to as persons extraordinary. This -has made many men to see things that never were -in being, hear things that never were said, atchieve -feats that never were attempted, dealing always in the -marvellous. Such may be assured, however unwilling -the persons they are conversing with may be to laugh -in their faces, that they hold them secretly in the -highest contempt; for he who will tell a lie thus idly, -will not scruple to tell a greater, where his interest is -concerned. Rather than any person should doubt of -my veracity for one minute, I would deprive myself -of telling abroad either what I had really seen or -heard, if such things did not carry with them the -face of probability.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Others</span> again will boast of the great respect they -meet with in certain companies; of the honors that -are continually heaped on them there; of the great -price they give for every thing they purchase; and -this to be thought of consequence; but, unless such -people have the best and most accurate memory, they -will, perhaps, very soon after, contradict their former -assertions, and subject themselves to contempt and -derision.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_15'>15</span><span class='sc'>Remember</span> then as long as you live, that nothing -but strict truth can carry you through life with honor -and credit. Liars are not only disagreeable but dangerous -companions, and, when known, will ever be -shunned by men of understanding. Besides, as the -greatest liars are generally the greatest fools, a man -who addicts himself to this detestable vice, will not -only be looked upon as vulgar, but will never be -considered as a man of sense.</p> -<h3 class='c008'>GOOD-BREEDING.</h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>Void</span> of good-breeding, every other qualification -will be imperfect, unadorned, and to a certain -degree unavailing.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Good-breeding</span> being the result of good sense -and good nature, is it not wonderful that people possessed -of the one, should be deficient in the other? -The modes of it, varying according to persons, places, -and circumstances, cannot indeed be acquired otherwise -than by time and observation, but the substance -is every where and always the same.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>What</span> good morals are to society in general, good -manners are to particular ones; their band and security. -Of all actions, next to that of performing a -good one, the consciousness of rendering a civility is -the most grateful.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>We</span> seldom see a person, let him be ever so ill-bred, -want in respect to those whom he acknowledges to be -<span class='pageno' id='Page_16'>16</span>his superiors; the manner of shewing this respect, -then, is all I contend for. The well-bred man expresses -it naturally and easily, while he who is unused -to good company expresses it awkwardly. Study, -then, to shew that respect which every one wishes to -shew, in an easy and grateful way; but this must be -learnt by observation.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> company with your equals, or in mixed companies, -a greater latitude may be taken in your behaviour; -yet, it should never exceed the bounds of decency; -for, though no one in this case, can claim any -distinguished marks of respect, every one is entitled to -civility and good manners. A man need not, for example, -fear to put his hands in his pockets, take snuff, -sit, stand, or occasionally walk about the room; but it -would be highly unbecoming to whistle, wear his hat, -loosen his garters, or throw himself across the chairs. -Such liberties are offensive to our equals, and insulting -to our inferiors. Easiness of carriage by no means -implies inattention and carelessness. No one is at liberty -to act, in all respects, as he pleases; but is -bound by the laws of good manners to behave with -decorum.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Let</span> a man talk to you ever so stupidly or frivolously, -not to pay some attention to what he says, is -savageness to the greatest degree. Nay, if he even -forces his conversation to you, it is worse than rudeness -not to listen to him; for your inattention in this -<span class='pageno' id='Page_17'>17</span>case, tells him, in express terms, that you think him -a blockhead and not worth the hearing. Now, if such -behaviour is rude to men, it is much more so to women, -who, be their rank what it will, have, on account -of their sex, a claim to officious attention from -the men. Their little wants and whims, their likes -and dislikes, and even their impertinences, are particularly -attended to and flattered, and their very -thoughts and wishes guessed at and instantly gratified, -by every well-bred man.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> promiscuous companies, you should vary your -address, agreeably to the different ages of the persons -you speak to. It would be rude and absurd to talk -of your amours or your pleasures to men of certain -dignity and gravity, to clergymen, or men in years; -but still you should be as easy with them as with others, -your manner only should be varied; you should, -if possible, double your respect and attention to them; -and were you to insinuate occasionally, that from their -observation and experience you wish to profit, you -would insensibly win their esteem; for flattery, if not -fulsome and gross, is agreeable to all.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>When</span> invited to dinner or supper, you must never -usurp to yourself the best places, the best dishes, &c. -but always decline them, and offer them to others, except, -indeed, you are offered any thing by a superior, -when it would be a rudeness, if you liked it, not to -accept it immediately, without the least apology.—Thus, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_18'>18</span>for example, was a superior, the master of the -table, to offer you a thing of which there was but one, -to pass it to the person next you, would be indirectly -charging him that offered it to you, with a want of -good manners and proper respect to his company; or, -if you were the only stranger present, it would be a -rudeness if you make a feint of refusing it with the -customary apology, ‘I cannot think of taking it from -you, sir;’ or, ‘I am sorry to deprive you of it;’ as -it is supposed he is conscious of his own rank, and if -he chose not to give it, would not have offered it; -your apology therefore, in this case, is putting him -upon an equality with yourself. In like manner, it -is rudeness to draw back when requested by a superior -to pass a door first, or to step into a carriage before -him. In short, it would be endless to particularise all -the instances in which a well-bred man shews his politeness -in good company, such as not yawning, singing, -whistling, warming his breech at the fire, lounging, -putting his legs upon the chairs, and the like, -familiarities every man’s good sense must condemn, -and good-breeding abhor.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>But</span>, good-breeding consists in more than merely -not being ill-bred. To return a bow, speak when you -are spoken to, and say nothing rude, are such negative -acts of good-breeding, that they are little more -than not being a brute. Would it not be a very poor -commendation of any man’s cleanliness, to say that he -was not offensive? If we wish for the good will and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_19'>19</span>esteem of our acquaintance, our good-breeding must -be active, cheerful, officious and seducing.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>For</span> example, should you invite any one to dine or -sup with you, recollect whether ever you had observed -them to prefer one thing to another, and endeavour to -procure that thing; when at table, say, ‘At such a -time, I think you seemed to give this dish a preference, -I therefore ordered it.’ ‘This is the wine I -observed you like best, I have therefore been at some -pains to procure it.’ Trifling as these things may -appear, they prove an attention to the person they are -said to; and as attention in trifles is the test of respect, -the compliment will not be lost.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I need</span> only refer you to your own breast. How -have these little attentions, when shewn you by others, -flattered that self-love which no man is free from? -They incline and attach us to that person, and prejudice -us afterwards, to all that he says or does. The -declaration of the women in a great degree stamps a -man’s reputation of being either ill or well-bred; you -must then, in a manner, overwhelm them with these -attentions; they are used to them, and naturally expect -them, and to do them justice, they are seldom -lost upon them. You must be sedulous to wait upon -them, pick up with alacrity any thing they drop, and -be very officious in procuring their carriages or their -chairs in public places; be blind to what you should -not see, and deaf to what you should not hear. Opportunities -of shewing these attentions are continually -<span class='pageno' id='Page_20'>20</span>presenting themselves; but in case they should not, -you must study to create them.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span> ever you would be esteemed by the women, your -conversation to them should be always respectful, lively, -and addressed to their vanity. Every thing you -say or do, should tend to shew a regard to their beauty -or good sense: Even men are not without their vanities -of one kind or another, and flattering that vanity -by words and looks of approbation, is one of the -principal characters of good-breeding.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Address</span> and manners, with weak persons, who -are actually three-fourths of the world, are every -thing; and even people of the best understanding are -taken in with them. Where the heart is not won, -and the eye pleased, the mind will be seldom on our -side.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> short, learning and erudition, without good-breeding, -are tiresome and pedantic; and an ill-bred -man is as unfit for good company, as he will be unwelcome -in it. Nay, he is full as unfit for business -as for company. Make, then, good-breeding the -great object of your thoughts and actions. Be particularly -observant of, and endeavour to imitate, the -behaviour and manners of such as are distinguished by -their politeness; and be persuaded, that good-breeding -is to all worldly qualifications, what charity is to -all Christian virtues; it adorns merit, and often covers -the want of it.</p> -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_21'>21</span> - <h3 class='c008'>GENTEEL CARRIAGE.</h3> -</div> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>Next</span> to good-breeding is a genteel manner -and carriage, wholly free from those ill habits -and awkward actions, which many very worthy persons -are addicted to.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>A genteel</span> manner of behaviour, how trifling so-ever -it may seem, is of the utmost consequence in private -life. Men of very inferior parts have been esteemed, -merely for their genteel carriage and good-breeding, -while sensible men have given disgust for -want of it. There is something or other that prepossesses -us at first sight, in favour of a well-bred man, -and makes us wish to like him.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>When</span> an awkward fellow first comes into a room, -he attempts to bow, and his sword, if he wears one, -goes between his legs, and nearly throws him down. -Confused and ashamed, he stumbles to the upper end -of the room, and seats himself in the very chair he -should not. He there begins playing with his hat, -which he presently drops; and recovering his hat, he -lets fall his cane; and in picking up his cane, down -goes his hat again; thus ’tis a considerable time before -he is adjusted. When his tea or coffee is handed to -him, he spreads his handkerchief upon his knees, scalds -his mouth, drops either the cup or the saucer, and -spills the tea or coffee in his lap. At dinner he is -more uncommonly awkward; there he tucks his napkin -through a button-hole, which tickles his chin, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_22'>22</span>and occasions him to make a variety of wry faces; he -seats himself upon the edge of the chair, at so great a -distance from the table, that he frequently drops his -meat between his plate and his mouth; he holds his -knife, fork and spoon differently from other people; -eats with his knife, to the manifest danger of his -mouth; picks his teeth with his fork, rakes his mouth -with his finger, and puts his spoon which has been in -his throat a dozen times, into the dish again. If he is -to carve, he cannot hit the joint, but in labouring to -cut through the bone, splashes the sauce over every -body’s cloaths. He generally daubs himself all over, -his elbows are in the next person’s plate, and he is -up to the knuckles in soup and grease. If he drinks, -it is with his mouth full, interrupting the whole company -with ‘To your good health, sir,’ and ‘My -service to you;’ perhaps coughs in his glass, and be-sprinkles -the whole table. Further, he has perhaps a -number of disagreeable tricks, he snuffs up his nose, -picks it with his fingers, blows it, and looks in his -handkerchief, crams his hands first into his bosom, -and next into his breeches. In short, he neither dresses -nor acts like any other person, but is particularly -awkward in every thing he does. All this, I own, -has nothing in it criminal; but it is such an offence -to good manners and good-breeding, that it is universally -despised; it makes a man ridiculous in every -company, and, of course, ought carefully to be avoided -by every one who would wish to please.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>From</span> this picture of the ill-bred man, you will -<span class='pageno' id='Page_23'>23</span>easily discover that of the well-bred; for you may readily -judge what you ought to do, when you are told -what you ought not to do; a little attention to the -manners of those who have seen the world, will make -a proper behaviour habitual and familiar to you.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Actions</span>, that would otherwise be pleasing, frequently -become ridiculous by the manner of doing -them. If a lady drop her fan in company, the worst-bred -man would immediately pick it up, and give it -to her; the best bred man can do no more; but then -he does it in a graceful manner, that is sure to please; -whereas the other would do it so awkwardly as to be -laughed at.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>You</span> may also know a well-bred person by his manner -of sitting. Ashamed and confused, the awkward -man sits in his chair stiff and bolt upright, whereas -the man of fashion, is easy in every position; instead -of lolling or lounging as he sits, he leans with elegance, -and by varying his attitudes, shews that he has -been used to good company. Let it be one part of -your study then, to learn to sit genteely in different -companies, to loll gracefully, where you are authorized -to take that liberty, and sit up respectfully, where -that freedom is not allowable.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> short, you cannot conceive how advantageous a -graceful carriage and a pleasing address are, upon all -occasions; they ensnare the affections, seal a prepossession -in our favour, and play about the heart till -they engage it.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_24'>24</span><span class='sc'>Now</span> to acquire a graceful air, you must attend to -your dancing; no one can either sit, stand or walk -well, unless he dances well. And, in learning to -dance, be particularly attentive to the motion of your -arms, for a stiffness in the wrist will make any man -look awkward. If a man walks well, presents himself -well in company, wears his hat well, moves his -head properly, and his arms gracefully, it is almost -all that is necessary.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> is also an awkwardness in speech, that naturally -falls under this head, and ought to and may -be guarded against; such as forgetting names, and -mistaking one name for another; to speak of Mr. -What-d’ye-call-him, or You-know-who, Mrs. Thingum, -What’s-her-name, or How-d’ye-call-her, is exceedingly -awkward and vulgar. It is the same to address -people by improper titles, as <i>sir</i> for <i>my lord</i>; to -begin a story without being able to finish it, and break -off in the middle, with, ‘I have forgot the rest.’</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Our</span> voice and manner of speaking too, should -likewise be attended to. Some will mumble over -their words, so as not to be intelligible, and others -will speak so fast as not to be understood, and, in doing -this, will spatter and spit in your face; some will -bawl as if they were speaking to the deaf; others will -speak so low as scarcely to be heard; and many will -put their face so close to yours, as to offend you with -their breath. All these habits are horrid and disgustful, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_25'>25</span>but may easily be got the better of, with care. -They are the vulgar characteristics of a low-bred man, -or are proofs that very little pains have been bestowed -in his education. In short, an attention to these little -matters is of greater importance than you are aware -of; many sensible men having lost ground for want -of these little graces, and many, possessed of these -perfections alone, having made their way through life, -who otherwise would not have been noticed.</p> -<h3 class='c008'><span class='sc'>CLEANLINESS of PERSON.</span></h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>But</span>, as no one can please in company, however -graceful in his air, unless he be clean and neat -in his person, this qualification comes next to be considered.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Negligence</span> of one’s person not only implies an -unsufferable indolence, but an indifference whether -we please or not. It betrays an insolence and affectation, -arising from a presumption, that we are sure of -pleasing, without having recourse to those means -which many are obliged to use.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>He</span> who is not thoroughly clean in his person, will -be offensive to all he converses with. A particular -regard to the cleanliness of your mouth, teeth, hands -and nails, is but common decency. A foul mouth -and unclean hands, are certain marks of vulgarity; -the first is the cause of an offensive breath, which nobody -can bear, and the last is declarative of dirty -<span class='pageno' id='Page_26'>26</span>work; one may always know a gentleman by the state -of his hands and nails. The flesh at the roots should -be kept back, so as to shew the semicircles at the bottom -of the nails; the edges of the nails should never -be cut down below the ends of the fingers, nor should -they be suffered to grow longer than the fingers. -When the nails are cut down to the quick, it is a -shrewd sign that the man is a mechanic, to whom long -nails would be troublesome, or that he gets his bread -by fiddling; and if they are longer than his fingers’ -ends, and encircled with a black rim, it foretells he -has been laboriously and meanly employed, and too -fatigued to clean himself; a good apology for want -of cleanliness in a mechanic, but the greatest disgrace -that can attend a gentleman.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>These</span> things may appear too insignificant to be -mentioned; but when it is considered that a thousand -little nameless things, which every one feels, but no -one can describe, conspire to form that <i>whole</i> of pleasing, -I hope you will not call them trifling. Besides, -a clean shirt and a clean person are as necessary to -health, as not to offend other people. It is a maxim -with me, which I have lived to see verified, that he -who is negligent at twenty years of age, will be a sloven -at forty, and intolerable at fifty.</p> -<h3 class='c008'>DRESS.</h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>Neatness</span> of person, I observed, was as -necessary as cleanliness; of course, some attention -must be paid to your dress.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_27'>27</span><span class='sc'>Such</span> is the absurdity of the times, that to pass -well with the world, we must adopt some of its customs, -be they ridiculous or not.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> the first place, to neglect one’s dress is to affront -all the female part of our acquaintance. The women -in particular pay an attention to their dress; to neglect -therefore yours will displease them, as it would -be tacitly taxing them with vanity, and declaring that -you thought them not worth that respect which every -body else does. And, as I have mentioned before, it -being the women who stamp a young man’s credit in -the fashionable world, if you do not make yourself -agreeable to them, you will assuredly lose ground -among the men.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Dress</span>, as trifling as it may appear to a man of -understanding, prepossesses on the first appearance, -which is frequently decisive. And indeed we form -some opinion of a man’s sense and character from his -dress. Any exceeding of the fashion, or any affectation -whatever in dress, argues a weakness in understanding, -and nine times in ten, it will be found so.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> are few young fellows but what display some -character or other in this shape. Some would be -thought fearless and brave; these wear a black cravat, -a short coat and waistcoat, an uncommon long sword -hanging to their knees, a large hat fiercely cocked, -and are <i>flash</i> all over. Others affect to be country -squires; these will go about in buckskin breeches, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_28'>28</span>brown frocks, and great oaken cudgels in their hands, -slouched hats, with their hair undressed and tucked -up under them to an enormous size, and imitate -grooms and country boobies so well externally, that -there is not the least doubt of their resembling them -as well internally. Others, again, paint and powder -themselves so much, and dress so finically, as leads us -to suppose they are only women in boy’s cloaths. -Now a sensible man carefully avoids all this, or any -other affectation. He dresses as fashionably and as -well as persons of the best families and best sense; if -he exceeds them, he is a coxcomb; if he dresses worse, -he is unpardonable.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Dress</span> yourself fine, then, if possible, or plain, agreeably -to the company you are in; that is, conform -to the dress of others, and avoid the appearance of -being tumbled. Imitate those reasonable people of -your own age, whose dress is neither remarked as too -neglected or too much studied. Take care to have -your clothes well made, in the fashion, and to fit you, -or you will, after all, appear awkward. When once -dressed, think no more of it; shew no fear of discomposing -your dress, but let all your motions be as easy -and unembarrassed, as if you were at home in your -dishabille.</p> -<h3 class='c008'><span class='sc'>ELEGANCE of EXPRESSION.</span></h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>Having</span> mentioned elegance of person, I -will proceed to elegance of expression.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_29'>29</span><span class='sc'>It</span> is not one or two qualifications alone complete -the gentleman; it must be a union of many; and -graceful speaking is as essential as gracefulness of person. -Every man cannot be a harmonious speaker; -a roughness or coarseness of voice may prevent it; but -if there are no natural imperfections, if a man does -not stammer or lisp, or has not lost his teeth, he may -speak gracefully; nor will all these defects, if he has -a mind to it, prevent him from speaking correctly.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Nobody</span> can attend with pleasure to a bad speaker. -One who tells his story ill, be it ever so important, -will tire even the most patient. If you have been -present at the performance of a good tragedy, you -have doubtless been sensible of the good effects of a -speech well delivered; how much it has interested and -affected you; and on the contrary, how much an ill -spoken one has disgusted you. ’Tis the same in common -conversation; he who speaks deliberately, distinctly -and correctly: He who makes use of the best -words to express himself, and varies his voice according -to the nature of the subject, will always please, -while the thick or hasty speaker, he who mumbles -out a set of ill-chosen words, utters them ingrammatically, -or with a dull monotony, will tire and disgust. -Be assured then, the air, the gesture, the looks -of a speaker, a proper accent, a just emphasis, and -tuneful cadence, are full as necessary to please and be -attended to, as the subject matter itself.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_30'>30</span><span class='sc'>People</span> may talk what they will of solid reasoning -and sound sense; without the graces and ornaments -of language, they will neither please nor persuade. -In common discourse, even trifles elegantly expressed -will be better received than the best of arguments -homespun and unadorned.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>A good</span> way to acquire a graceful utterance is to -read aloud to some friend every day, and beg of him -to set you right, in case you read too fast, do not observe -the proper stops, lay a wrong emphasis, or utter -your words indistinctly. You may even read aloud to -yourself, where such a friend is not at hand, and you -will find your own ear a good corrector. Take care -to open your teeth when you read or speak, and articulate -every word distinctly; which last cannot be -done, but by sounding the final letter. But above -all, endeavour to vary your voice, according to the -matter, and avoid a monotony. By a daily attention -to this, it will, in a little time, become easy and habitual -to you.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Pay</span> an attention also to your looks and your gestures, -when talking even on the most trifling subjects; -things appear very different according as they are expressed, -looked and delivered.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Now</span>, if it is necessary to attend so particularly to -our <i>manner</i> of speaking, it is much more so, with respect -to the <i>matter</i>. Fine turns of expression, a genteel -and correct style, are ornaments as requisite to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_31'>31</span>common sense, as polite behaviour and an elegant -address are to common good manners; they are great -assistants in the point of pleasing. A gentleman, ’tis -true, may be known in the meanest garb, but it admits -not of a doubt, that he would be better received -into good company, genteelly and fashionably dressed, -than if he appeared in dirt and tatters.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Be</span> careful then of your style upon all occasions; -whether you write or speak, study for the best words -and best expressions, even in common conversation, or -the most familiar letters. This will prevent your -speaking in a hurry, than which nothing is more vulgar; -though you may be a little embarrassed at first, -time and use will render it easy. It is no such difficult -thing to express ourselves well on subjects we -are thoroughly acquainted with, if we think before -we speak; and no one should presume to do otherwise. -When you have said a thing, if you did not reflect -before, be sure to do it afterwards; consider with yourself, -whether you could not have expressed yourself -better; and if you are in doubt of the propriety or -elegancy of any word, search for it in some dictionary,<a id='r1' /><a href='#f1' class='c010'><sup>[1]</sup></a> -or some good author, while you remember it: -Never be sparing of your trouble while you would -<span class='pageno' id='Page_32'>32</span>wish to improve, and my word for it, a very little -time will make this matter habitual.</p> - -<div class='footnote c011' id='f1'> -<p class='c012'><span class='label'><a href='#r1'>1</a>. </span>Johnson’s folio Dictionary <i>you will find very serviceable</i>; -<i>and the</i> Difference between Words reputed -synonimous; <i>a work in two volumes, written by me -some years ago, and published by Dodsley</i>.</p> -</div> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> order to speak grammatically, and to express -yourself pleasingly, I would recommend it to you to -translate often any language you are acquainted with -into English, and to correct such translation till the -words, their order, and the periods, are agreeable to -your own ear.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Vulgarism</span> in language is another distinguishing -mark of bad company and education. Expressions -may be correct in themselves, and yet be vulgar, owing -to their not being fashionable; for language and -manners are both established by the usage of people -of fashion.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>The</span> conversation of a low-bred man is filled up -with proverbs and hackneyed sayings. Instead of observing -that tastes are different, and that most men -have one peculiar to themselves, he will give you, -‘What is one man’s meat is another man’s poison;’ -or, ‘Every one to their liking, as the old woman said, -when she killed her cow.’ He has ever some favourite -word, which he lugs in upon all occasions, -right or wrong; such as <i>vastly</i> angry, <i>vastly</i> kind; -<i>devilish</i> ugly, <i>devilish</i> handsome; <i>immensely</i> great, <i>immensely</i> -little. Even his pronunciation carries the -mark of vulgarity along with it; he calls the earth, -<i>yearth</i>; finan’ces, <i>fin’ances</i>; he goes <i>to words</i>, and not -towards such a place. He affects to use hard words, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_33'>33</span>to give him the appearance of a man of learning, but -frequently mistakes their meaning, and seldom, if -ever, pronounces them properly.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>All</span> this must be avoided, if you would not be -supposed to have kept company with footmen and -housemaids. Never have recourse to proverbial or -vulgar sayings; use neither favourite nor hard words, -but seek for the most elegant; be careful in the management -of them, and depend on it your labour will -not be lost; for nothing is more engaging than a fashionable -and polite address.</p> -<h3 class='c008'><span class='sc'>ADDRESS, PHRASEOLOGY, and SMALL-TALK.</span></h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>In</span> all good company, we meet with a certain -manner, phraseology, and general conversation, -that distinguish the man of fashion. These can only -be acquired by frequenting good company, and being -particularly attentive to all that passes there.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>When</span> invited to dine or sup at the house of any -well-bred man, observe how he does the honors of his -table, and mark his manner of treating his company.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Attend</span> to the compliments of congratulation or -condolence that he pays; and take notice of his address -to his superiors, his equals and his inferiors; -nay, his very looks and tone of voice, are worth your -attention, for we cannot please without a union of -them all.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_34'>34</span><span class='sc'>There</span> is a certain distinguishing diction that -marks the man of fashion, a certain language of conversation -that every gentleman should be master of. -Saying to a man just married, ‘I wish you joy,’ or to -one who has lost his wife, ‘I am sorry for your loss,’ -and both perhaps with an unmeaning countenance, -may be civil, but it is nevertheless vulgar. A man -of fashion will express the same thing more elegantly, -and with a look of sincerity, that shall attract the esteem -of the person he speaks to. He will advance to -the one, with warmth and cheerfulness, and perhaps -squeezing him by the hand, will say, ‘Believe me, -my dear Sir, I have scarce words to express the joy -I feel, upon your happy alliance with such or such -a family,’ &c. To the other in affliction, he will advance -slower, and with a peculiar composure of voice -and countenance, begin his compliments of condolence -with, ‘I hope, Sir, you will do me the justice -to be persuaded, that I am not insensible of your -unhappiness, that I take part in your distress, and -shall ever be affected where <i>you</i> are so.’</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Your</span> first address to, and indeed all your conversation -with, your superiors, should be open, cheerful -and respectful; with your equals warm and animated; -with your inferiors, hearty, free and unreserved.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> is a fashionable kind of small-talk, which -however trifling it may be thought, has its use in -mixed companies: Of course you should endeavour -<span class='pageno' id='Page_35'>35</span>to acquire it. By small-talk, I mean a good deal to say -on unimportant matters; for example, foods, the flavour -and growth of wines, and the chit-chat of the -day. Such conversation will serve to keep off serious -subjects, that might sometimes create disputes. This -chit-chat is chiefly to be learned by frequenting the -company of the ladies.</p> -<h3 class='c008'>OBSERVATION.</h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>As</span> the art of pleasing is to be learnt only by -frequenting the best companies, we must endeavor -to pick it up in such companies by observation; -for, it is not sense and knowledge alone that will acquire -esteem; these certainly are the first and necessary -foundations for pleasing, but they will by no means -do, unless attended with manners and attentions.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> have been people who have frequented the -first companies all their life time, and yet have never -got rid of their natural stiffness and awkwardness; -but have continued as vulgar as if they were never -out of a servant’s hall: This has been owing to carelessness, -and a want of attention to the manners and -behaviour of others.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> are a great many people likewise who busy -themselves the whole day, and who in fact do nothing. -They have possibly taken up a book for two or three -hours, but from a certain inattention that grows upon -them the more it is indulged, know no more of the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_36'>36</span>contents than if they had not looked into it; nay, it -is impossible for any one to retain what he reads, unless -he reflects and reasons upon it as he goes on. -When they have thus lounged away an hour or two, -they will saunter into company, without attending to -any thing that passes there; but, if they think at all, -are thinking of some trifling matter that ought not to -occupy their attention; thence perhaps they go to the -play, where they stare at the company and the lights, -without attending to the piece, the very thing they -went to see. In this manner they wear away their -hours, that might otherwise be employed to their improvement -and advantage. This silly suspension of -thought they would pass for <i>absence of mind</i>—ridiculous!—Wherever -you are, let me recommend it to -you to pay an attention to all that passes; observe the -characters of the persons you are with, and the subjects -of their conversation; listen to every thing that is said, -see every thing that is done, and (according to the -vulgar saying) have your eyes and your ears about -you.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>A continual</span> inattention to matters that occur, -is the characteristic of a weak mind; the man who -gives way to it, is little else than a trifler, a blank in -society, which every sensible person overlooks; surely -what is worth doing, is worth doing well, and nothing -can be well done, if not properly attended to. -When I hear a man say, on being asked about any -thing that was said or done in his presence, ‘that -<span class='pageno' id='Page_37'>37</span>truly he did not mind it.’ I am ready to knock the -fool down. <i>Why</i> did not he mind it?—What else -had he to do?—A man of sense and fashion never -makes use of this paltry plea, he never complains of a -treacherous memory, but attends to and remembers -every thing that is either said or done.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Whenever</span>, then, you go into good company, -that is the company of people of fashion, observe carefully -their behaviour, their address and their manner; -imitate them as far as in your power. Your attention, -if possible, should be so ready as to observe every person -in the room at once, their motions, their looks, -and their turns of expression, and that without staring, -or seeming to be an observer. This kind of observation -may be acquired by care and practice, and will -be found of the utmost advantage to you, in the -course of life.</p> -<h3 class='c008'><span class='sc'>ABSENCE of MIND.</span></h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>Having</span> mentioned absence of mind, let me -be more particular concerning it.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>What</span> the world calls an absent man, is generally -either a very affected one, or a very weak one; but -whether weak or affected, he is, in company, a very -disagreeable man. Lost in thought, or possibly in no -thought at all, he is a stranger to every one present, -and to every thing that passes; he knows not his best -friends, is deficient in every act of good manners, unobservant -<span class='pageno' id='Page_38'>38</span>of the actions of the company, and insensible -to his own. His answers are quite the reverse of what -they ought to be; talk to him of one thing, he replies, -as of another. He forgets what he said last, -leaves his hat in one room, his cane in another, and -his sword in a third; nay, if it was not for his buckles, -he would even leave his shoes behind him. Neither -his arms nor his legs seem to be a part of his body, -and his head is never in a right position. He -joins not in the general conversation, except it be by -fits and starts, as if awaking from a dream: I attribute -this either to weakness or affectation. His shallow -mind is possibly not able to attend to more than -one thing at a time; or he would be supposed wrap’d -up in the investigation of some very important matter. -Such men as Sir Isaac Newton or Mr. Locke, might -occasionally have some excuse for absence of mind! -It might proceed from that intenseness of thought -which was necessary at all times for the scientific subjects -they were studying; but, for a young man, and a -man of the world, who has no such plea to make, absence -of mind is rudeness to the company, and deserves -the severest censure.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>However</span> insignificant a company may be; however -trifling their conversation; while you are with -them, do not shew them, by an inattention, that you -think them trifling; that can never be the way to -please, but rather fall in with their weakness than otherwise; -for to mortify, or shew the least contempt -<span class='pageno' id='Page_39'>39</span>to those we are in company with, is the greatest rudeness -we can be guilty of, and what few can forgive.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I never</span> yet found a man inattentive to the person -he feared, or the woman he loved; which convinces -me, that absence of mind is to be got the better of, if -we think proper to make the trial; and believe me, -it is always worth the attempt.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Absence</span> of mind is a tacit declaration, that those -we are in company with, are not worth attending to; -and what can be a greater affront?——Besides, can -an absent man improve by what is said or done in his -presence? No; he may frequent the best companies -for years together, and all to no purpose. In short, a -man is neither fit for business nor conversation, unless -he can attend to the object before him, be that object -what it will.</p> -<h3 class='c008'><span class='sc'>KNOWLEDGE of the WORLD.</span></h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>A knowledge</span> of the world, by our -own experience and observation, is so necessary, -that, without it, we shall act very absurdly, and frequently -give offence, when we do not mean it. All -the learning and parts in the world, will not secure us -from it. Without an acquaintance with life, a man -may say very good things, but time them so ill, and -address them so improperly, that he had much better -be silent. Full of himself, and his own business, and -inattentive to the circumstances and situations of those -<span class='pageno' id='Page_40'>40</span>he converses with, he vents it without the least discretion, -says things that he ought not to say, confuses -some, shocks others, and puts the whole company in -pain, lest what he utters next should prove worse than -the last. The best direction I can give you in this -matter, is rather to fall in with the conversation of others, -than start a subject of your own; rather strive -to put them more in conceit with themselves, than to -draw their attention to you.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>A novice</span> in life, he who knows little of mankind, -but what he collects from books, lays it down as a -maxim, that most men love flattery; in order therefore -to please, he will flatter. But how? Without -regard either to circumstances or occasion. Instead -of those delicate touches, those soft tints, that serve -to heighten the piece, he lays on his colours with a -heavy hand, and daubs, where he means to adorn; in -other words, he will flatter so unseasonably, and at -the same time so grossly, that while he wishes to please, -he puts out of countenance, and is sure to offend. -On the contrary, a man of the world, one who has -made life his study, knows the power of flattery as -well as he; but, then, he knows how to apply it; he -watches the opportunity, and does it indirectly, by -inference, comparison and hint.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Man</span> is made up of such a variety of matter, that -to search him thoroughly, requires time and attention; -for, though we are all made of the same materials, -and have all the same passions, yet, from a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_41'>41</span>difference in their proportion and combination, we -vary in our dispositions; what is agreeable to one is -disagreeable to another, and what one shall approve, -another shall condemn. Reason is given us to controul -these passions, but seldom does it. Application -therefore to the reason of any man, will frequently -prove ineffectual, unless we endeavour at the same time -to gain his heart.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Wherever</span> then you are, search into the characters -of men; find out if possible, their foible, their governing -passion, or their particular merit; take them on -their weak side, and you will generally succeed; their -prevailing vanity you may readily discover, by observing -their favourite topic of conversation; for every one -talks most, of what he would be thought most to excel -in.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>The</span> time should also be judiciously made choice of. -Every man has his particular times, when he may be -applied to with success, the <i>mollia tempora fandi</i>; but -these times are not all day long, they must be found -out, watched, and taken advantage of. You could -not hope for success in applying to a man about one -business, when he was taken up with another, or -when his mind was affected with excess of grief, anger, -or the like.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>You</span> cannot judge of other men’s minds better -than by studying your own; for though one man -has one foible, and another has another, yet men, in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_42'>42</span>general, are very much alike. Whatever pleases or -offends you, will, in similar circumstances, please or -offend others; if you find yourself hurt, when another -makes you feel his superiority, you will certainly upon -the common rule of right, <i>Do as you would be done -by</i>, take care not to let another feel <i>your</i> superiority, -if you have it; especially if you wish to gain his interest -or esteem. If disagreeable insinuations, open -contradictions, or oblique sneers, vex and anger you, -would you use them where you wished to please? -Certainly not. Observe then, with care, the operations -of your own mind, and you may, in a great -measure, read all mankind.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I will</span> allow that one bred up in a cloister or college, -may reason well on the structure of the human -mind; he may investigate the nature of man, and give -a tolerable account of his head, his heart, his passions, -and his sentiments: but at the same time he may -know nothing of him; he has not lived with him, -and of course knows but little how those sentiments or -those passions will work.—He must be ignorant of the -various prejudices, propensities and antipathies, that -always bias him, and frequently determine him. His -knowledge is acquired only from theory, which differs -widely from practice; and if he forms his judgment -from that alone, he must be often deceived; whereas -a man of the world, one who collects his knowledge -from his own experience and observation, is seldom -wrong; he is well acquainted with the operations of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_43'>43</span>the human mind; prys into the heart of man; reads -his words, before they are uttered; sees his actions, -before they are performed; knows what will please -and what will displease, and foresees the event of most -things.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Labour</span> then to acquire this intuitive knowledge; -attend carefully to the address, the arts and manners -of those acquainted with life, and endeavour to imitate -them. Observe the means they take, to gain the -favour, and conciliate the affections of those they associate -with; pursue those means, and you will soon -gain the esteem of all that know you.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>How</span> often have we seen men governed by persons -very much their inferiors in point of understanding, -and even without their knowing it? A proof that -some men have more worldly dexterity than others; -they find out the weak and unguarded part, make -their attack there, and the man surrenders.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Now</span> from a knowledge of mankind we shall learn -the advantage of two things, the command of our -temper and countenances; a trifling, disagreeable incident -shall perhaps anger one unacquainted with life, -or confound him with shame; shall make him rave -like a madman, or look like a fool; but a man of the -world will never understand what he cannot or ought -not to resent. If he should chance to make a slip -himself, he will stifle his confusion, and turn it off -with a jest, recovering it with coolness.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_44'>44</span><span class='sc'>Many</span> people have sense enough to keep their own -secrets; but from being unused to a variety of company, -have unfortunately such a tell-tale countenance, -as involuntarily declares what they would wish to conceal. -This is a great unhappiness, and should, as -soon as possible, be got the better of.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>That</span> coolness of mind, and evenness of countenance, -which prevent a discovery of our sentiments, -by our words, our actions, or our looks, are too necessary -to pass unnoticed. A man who cannot hear displeasing -things, without visible marks of anger or uneasiness; -or pleasing ones, without a sudden burst of -joy, a cheerful eye, or an expanded face, is at the -mercy of every knave; for either they will designedly -please or provoke you themselves, to catch your unguarded -looks; or they will seize the opportunity -thus to read your very heart, when another shall do it. -You may possibly tell me, that this coolness must be -natural, for if not, you can never acquire it. I will -admit the force of constitution, but people are very -apt to blame <i>that</i>, for many things they might readily -avoid. Care, with a little reflection, will soon give -you this mastery of your temper and countenance. -If you find yourself subject to sudden starts of passion, -determine with yourself not to utter a single word till -your reason has recovered itself; and resolve to keep -your countenance as unmoved as possible. As a man, -who at a card table can preserve a serenity in his looks, -under good or bad luck, has considerably the advantage -of one who appears elated with success, or cast -<span class='pageno' id='Page_45'>45</span>down with ill fortune, from our being able to read his -cards in his face, so the man of the world, having to -deal with one of these babbling countenances, will -take care to profit by the circumstance, let the consequence, -to him with whom he deals, be as injurious -as it may.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> the course of life, we shall find it necessary very -often to put on a pleasing countenance, when we are -exceedingly displeased; we must frequently seem -friendly, when we are quite otherwise. I am sensible -it is difficult to accost a man with smiles whom we -know to be our enemy; but what is to be done? On -receiving an affront, if you cannot be justified in -knocking the offender down, you must not notice the -offence; for, in the eye of the world, taking an affront -calmly is considered as cowardice.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span> fools should attempt at any time to be witty upon -you, the best way is not to know their witticisms -are leveled at you, and to conceal any uneasiness it -may give you; but, should they be so plain that you -cannot be thought ignorant of their meaning, I would -recommend, rather than quarrel with the company, -joining even in the laugh against yourself; allowing -the jest to be a good one, and take it in seeming good -humour. Never attempt to retaliate the same way, -as that would imply you were hurt. Should what is -said wound your honor, or your moral character, there -is but one proper reply, which I hope you will never -be obliged to have recourse to.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_46'>46</span><span class='sc'>Remember</span> there are but two alternatives for a -gentleman; extreme politeness, or the sword. If a -man openly and designedly affronts you, call him out; -but, if it does not amount to an open insult, be outwardly -civil; if this does not make him ashamed of -his behaviour, it will prejudice every by-stander in -your favour, and instead of being disgraced, you will -come off with honor. Politeness to those we do not -respect, is no more a breach of faith, than <i>your humble -servant</i> at the bottom of a challenge; they are universally -understood to be things of course.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Wrangling</span> and quarrelling characterize a weak -mind; leave them to those who love such conduct, be -<i>you</i> always above it. Enter into no sharp contest, and -pride yourself, in shewing, if possible, more civility to -your antagonist than to any other in the company; -this will infallibly bring over all the laughers to your -side, and the person you are contending with, will be -very likely to confess you have behaved very handsomely -throughout the whole affair.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Experience</span> will teach us, that though all men -consist principally of the same materials, as I before -took notice of, yet from a difference in their proportion, -no two men are uniformly the same; we differ -from one another, and we often differ from ourselves, -that is, we sometimes do things utterly inconsistent -with the general tenor of our characters. The wisest -man may occasionally do a weak thing; the most -<span class='pageno' id='Page_47'>47</span>honest man, a wrong thing; the proudest man, a mean -thing; and the worst of men will sometimes do a good -thing. On this account, our study of mankind should -not be general; we should take a frequent view of individuals, -and though we may upon the whole, form a -judgment of the man from his prevailing passion or -his general character, yet it will be prudent not to -determine, till we have waited to see the operations -of his subordinate appetites and humours.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>For</span> example; a man’s general character may be -that of strictly honest. I would not dispute it, because, -I would not be thought envious or malevolent; -but I would not rely upon this general character, so -as to entrust him with my fortune or my life. Should -this honest man, as is not uncommon, be my rival in -power, interest, or love, he may possibly do things -that in other circumstances he would abhor; and power, -interest, and love, let me tell you, will often put -honesty to the severest trial, and frequently overpower -it. I would then ransack this honest man to the bottom, -if I wished to trust him, and as I found him, -would place my confidence accordingly.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>One</span> of the great compositions in our nature is vanity; -to which all men, more or less, give way. Women -have an intolerable share of it. No flattery, no -adulation, is too gross for many of them; those who -flatter them most, please them best; and they are most -in love with him who pretends to be most in love with -<span class='pageno' id='Page_48'>48</span>them; and the least slight or contempt of them is seldom -forgotten. It is, in some measure, the same with -men; they will sooner pardon an injury than an insult, -and are more hurt by contempt than by ill usage. -Though all men do not boast of superior talents, -though they pretend not to the abilities of a Pope, a -Newton, or a Bolingbroke, every one pretends to have -common sense, and to discharge his office in life with -common decency; to arraign, therefore, in any shape, -his abilities or integrity, in the department he holds, -is an insult he will not readily forgive.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>As</span> I would not have you trust too implicitly to a -man, because the world gives him a good character, -so I must particularly caution you against those who -speak well of themselves. In general, suspect those -who boast of or affect to have any one virtue above all -others, for they are commonly impostors. There are -exceptions however to this rule; for we hear of prudes -that have been chaste, bullies that have been brave, -and saints that have been religious. Confide only -where your own observation shall direct you; observe -not only what is said, but how it is said, and if you -have any penetration, you may find out the truth better -by your eyes than your ears; in short, never take -a character upon common report, but enquire into it -yourself; for common report, though it is right in -general, may be wrong in particulars.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Beware</span> of those who, on a slight acquaintance, -make you a tender of their friendship, and seem to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_49'>49</span>place a confidence in you; it is ten to one but they -deceive and betray you; however, do not rudely reject -them upon such a supposition; you may be civil -to them, though you do not entrust them. Silly men -are apt to solicit your friendship, and unbosom themselves -upon the first acquaintance; such friends cannot -be worth having, their friendship being as slender as -their understanding; and if they proffer their friendship -with a design to make a property of you, they are -dangerous acquaintance indeed. Not but the little -friendships of the weak may be of some use to you, if -you do not return the compliment; and it may not be -amiss to seem to accept of those designing men, keeping -them, as it were, in play, that they may not be -openly your enemies; for their enmity is the next -dangerous thing to their friendship. We may certainly -hold their vices in abhorrence, without being marked -out as their personal enemy. The general rule is, -to have a real reserve with almost every one, and a -seeming reserve with almost no one; for it is very disgusting -to seem reserved, and very dangerous not to -be so. Few observe the true medium. Many are ridiculously -mysterious upon trifles, and many indiscreetly -communicative of all they know.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> is a kind of short-lived friendship that takes -place among young men, from a connexion in their -pleasures only; a friendship too often attended with -bad consequences. This companion of your pleasures, -young and unexperienced, will probably, in the heat -<span class='pageno' id='Page_50'>50</span>of convivial mirth, vow a perpetual friendship, and -unfold himself to you without the least reserve; but -new associations, change of fortune, or change of -place, may soon break this ill-timed connexion, and -an improper use may be made of it. Be one, if -you will, in young companies, and bear your part like -others, in all the social festivity of youth; nay, trust -them with your innocent frolicks, but keep your serious -matters to yourself; and if you must at any time -make <i>them</i> known, let it be to some tried friend of -great experience; and that nothing may tempt him -to become your rival, let that friend be in a different -walk of life from yourself.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Were</span> I to hear a man making strong protestations -and swearing to the truth of a thing, that is in itself -probable and very likely to be, I should doubt his veracity; -for when he takes such pains to make me believe -it, it cannot be with a good design.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> is a certain easiness or false modesty in most -young people, that either makes them unwilling, or -ashamed to refuse any thing that is asked of them. -There is also an unguarded openness about them, that -makes them the ready prey of the artful and designing. -They are easily led away by the feigned friendships of -a knave or a fool, and too rashly place a confidence in -them, that terminates in their loss, and frequently in -their ruin. Beware, therefore, as I said before, of -these proffered friendships; repay them with compliments, -but not with confidence. Never let your -<span class='pageno' id='Page_51'>51</span>vanity make you suppose that people become your -friends upon a slight acquaintance; for good offices -must be shewn on both sides to create a friendship: It -will not thrive, unless its love be mutual; and it requires -time to ripen it.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> is still among young people another kind -of friendship merely nominal; warm indeed for the -time, but fortunately of no long continuance. This -friendship takes its rise from their pursuing the same -course of riot and debauchery; their purses are open -to each other, they tell one another all they know, -they embark in the same quarrels, and stand by each -other on all occasions. I should rather call this a confederacy -against good morals and good manners, and -think it deserves the severest lash of the law; but they -have the impudence to call it friendship. However, -it is often as suddenly dissolved as it is hastily contracted; -some accident disperses them, and they presently -forget each other, except it is to betray, and -to laugh at their own egregious folly.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> short, the sum of the whole is, to make a wide -difference between companions and friends; for a very -agreeable companion has often proved a very dangerous -friend.</p> -<h3 class='c008'><span class='sc'>CHOICE of COMPANY.</span></h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>The</span> next thing to the choice of friends, is the -choice of your company.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_52'>52</span><span class='sc'>Endeavour</span>, as much as you can, to keep good -company, and the company of your superiors; for -you will be held in estimation according to the company -you keep. By superiors, I do not mean so much -with regard to birth, as merit, and the light in which -they are considered by the world.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> are two sorts of good company, the one -consists of persons of birth, rank, and fashion; the -other, of those who are distinguished by some particular -merit, in any liberal art or science, as men of letters, -&c. and a mixture of these is what I would have -understood by good company: For it is not what particular -sets of people shall call themselves, but what -the people in general acknowledge to be so, and are -the accredited good company of the place.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Now</span> and then, persons without either birth, rank, -or character, will creep into good company, under the -protection of some considerable personage; but, in general, -none are admitted of mean degree, or infamous -moral character.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> this fashionable good company alone, can you -learn the best manners and the best language; for, as -there is no legal standard to form them by, it is here -they are established.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>It</span> may possibly be questioned, whether a man has -it always in his power to get into good company; undoubtedly, -by deserving it, he has, provided he is in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_53'>53</span>circumstances which enable him to live and appear in -the stile of a gentleman. Knowledge, modesty, and -good-breeding, will endear him to all that see him; -for without politeness, the scholar is no better than a -pedant, the philosopher than a cynic, the soldier than -a brute, nor any man than a clown.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Though</span> the company of men of learning and genius -is highly to be valued and occasionally coveted, -I would by no means have you always found in such -company. As they do not live in the world, they -cannot have that easy manner and address, which I -would wish you to acquire. If you can bear a part -in such company, it is certainly advisable to be in it -sometimes, and you will be the more esteemed in other -company by being so; but let it not engross you, -lest you should be considered as one of the <i>literati</i>, -which however respectable in name, is not the way to -rise or shine in the fashionable world.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>But</span> the company which, of all others, you should -carefully avoid, is that, which, in every sense of the -word may be called <i>low</i>; low in birth, low in rank, -low in parts, and low in manners; that company, -who, insignificant and contemptible in themselves, -think it an honor to be seen with <i>you</i>, and who will -flatter your follies, nay your very vices, to keep you -with them.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Though</span> <i>you</i> may think such a caution unnecessary, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_54'>54</span>I do not; for many a young gentleman of sense and -rank, has been led by his vanity to keep such company, -till he has been degraded, vilified and undone.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>The</span> vanity I mean, is that of being the first of the -company. This pride, though too common, is idle -to the last degree. Nothing in the world lets a man -down so much. For the sake of dictating, being applauded -and admired by this low company, he is disgraced -and disqualified for better. Depend upon it, -in the estimation of mankind, you will sink or rise to -the level of the company you keep.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Be</span> it, then, your ambition to get into the best -company; and, when there, imitate their virtues, but -not their vices. You have, no doubt, often heard of -genteel and fashionable vices. These are whoring, -drinking and gaming. It has happened that some -men, even with these vices, have been admired and -esteemed. Understand this matter rightly, it is not -their vices for which they are admired; but for some -accomplishments they at the same time possess; for -their parts, their learning, or their good-breeding. -Be assured, were they free from their vices, they -would be much more esteemed. In these mixed characters, -the bad part is overlooked for the sake of the -good.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Should</span> you be unfortunate enough to have any -vices of your own, add not to their number, by adopting -the vices of others. Vices of adoption are of all -<span class='pageno' id='Page_55'>55</span>others the most unpardonable; for they have not inadvertency -to plead. If people had no vices but their -own, few would have so many as they have.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Imitate</span>, then, only the perfections you meet -with; copy the politeness, the address, the easy manners -of well-bred people; and remember, let them -shine ever so bright, if they have any vices, they are -so many blemishes, which it would be as ridiculous to -imitate, as it would, to make an artificial wart upon -one’s face, because some very handsome man had the -misfortune to have a natural one upon his.</p> -<h3 class='c008'>LAUGHTER.</h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>Let</span> us now descend to minute matters, which, -though not so important as those we mentioned, -are still far from inconsiderable. Of these laughter is -one.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Frequent</span> and loud laughter is a sure sign of a -weak mind, and no less characteristic of a low education. -It is the manner in which low-bred men express -their silly joy, at silly things, and they call it -being merry.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I do</span> not recommend upon all occasions a solemn -countenance. A man may smile, but if he would be -thought a gentleman and a man of sense, he would by -no means laugh. True wit never made a man of -fashion laugh; he is above it. It may create a smile, -but as loud laughter shews, that a man has not the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_56'>56</span>command of himself, every one, who would wish to -appear sensible, must abhor it.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>A man’s</span> going to sit down, on a supposition that -he has a chair behind him, and falling for want of -one, occasions a general laugh, when the best pieces -of wit would not do it; a sufficient proof how low -and unbecoming laughter is.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Besides</span>, could the immoderate laugher hear his -own noise, or see the faces he makes, he would despise -himself for his folly. Laughter being generally -supposed to be the effects of gaiety, its absurdity is -not properly attended to; but a little reflection will -easily restrain it; and when you are told, it is a mark -of low-breeding, I persuade myself you will endeavour -to avoid it.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Some</span> people have a silly trick of laughing, whenever -they speak; so that they are always on the grin, -and their faces ever distorted. This and a thousand -other tricks, such as scratching their heads, twirling -their hats, fumbling with their button, playing with -their fingers, &c. &c. are acquired from a false modesty, -at their first outset in life. Being shame-faced -in company, they try a variety of ways to keep themselves -in countenance; thus, they fall into those awkward -habits I have mentioned, which grow upon them, -and in time become habitual.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Nothing</span> is more repugnant likewise to good-breeding -<span class='pageno' id='Page_57'>57</span>than horse play of any sort, romping, throwing -things at one another’s heads, and so on. They -may pass well enough with the mob, but they lessen -and degrade the gentleman.</p> -<h3 class='c008'>SUNDRY LITTLE ACCOMPLISHMENTS.</h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>I have</span> had reason to observe before, that various -little matters, apparently trifling in themselves, -conspire to form the <i>whole</i> of pleasing, as, in a -well finished portrait, a variety of colours combine to -compleat the piece. It not being necessary to dwell -much upon them, I shall content myself, with just -mentioning them as they occur.</p> - -<p class='c006'>1. <span class='sc'>To</span> do the honors of a table gracefully, is one -of the outlines of a well-bred man; and to carve -well, is an article, little as it may seem, that is useful -twice every day, and the doing of which ill, is not -only troublesome to one’s self, but renders us disagreeable -and ridiculous to others. We are always in -pain for a man, who instead of cutting up a fowl genteely, -is hacking for half an hour across the bone, -greasing himself, and bespattering the company with -the sauce. Use, with a little attention, is all that is -requisite to acquit yourself well in this particular.</p> - -<p class='c006'>2. <span class='sc'>To</span> be well received, you must, also, pay some -attention to your behaviour at table, where it is exceedingly -rude to scratch any part of your body, to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_58'>58</span>spit, or blow your nose, if you can possibly avoid it, -to eat greedily, to lean your elbows on the table, to -pick your teeth before the dishes are removed, or to -leave the table before grace is said.</p> - -<p class='c006'>3. <span class='sc'>Drinking</span> of healths is now growing out of -fashion, and is very unpolite in good company. Custom -had once made it universal, but the improved -manners of the age now render it vulgar. What can -be more rude or ridiculous than to interrupt persons -at their meals, with an unnecessary compliment? Abstain -then from this silly custom, where you find it out -of use; and use it only at those tables where it continues -general.</p> - -<p class='c006'>4. “<span class='sc'>A polite</span>” manner of refusing to comply with the -solicitations of a company, is also very necessary to be -learnt; for, a young man, who seems to have no will -of his own, but does every thing that is asked of him, -may be a very good natured fellow, but he is a very -silly one. If you are invited to drink at any man’s -house, more than you think is wholesome, you may -say, ‘you wish you could, but that so little makes -you both drunk and sick, that you should only be -bad company by doing it; of course beg to be excused.’ -If desired to play at cards deeper than you -would, refuse it ludicrously; tell them, ‘if you were -sure to lose, you might possibly sit down; but that, -as fortune may be favourable, you dread the thought -of having too much money, ever since you found -<span class='pageno' id='Page_59'>59</span>what an incumbrance it was to poor Harlequin, and -therefore you are resolved never to put yourself in -the way of winning more than such or such a sum a -day.’ This light way of declining invitations, to -vice and folly, is more becoming a young man than -philosophical or sententious refusals, which would only -be laughed at.</p> - -<p class='c006'>5. <span class='sc'>Now</span> I am on the subject of cards, I must not -omit mentioning the necessity of playing them well -and genteely, if you would be thought to have kept -good company. I would by no means recommend -playing of cards as a part of your study, lest you -should grow too fond of it, and the consequences -prove bad. It were better not to know a diamond -from a club, than to become a gambler; but as custom -has introduced innocent card-playing at most -friendly meetings, it marks the gentleman to handle -them genteely, and play them well; and as I hope -you will play only for small sums, should you lose -your money, pray lose it with temper; or win, receive -your winnings without either elation or greediness.</p> - -<p class='c006'>6. <span class='sc'>To</span> write well and correct, and in a pleasing -stile, is another part of polite education. Every man -who has the use of his eyes and his right hand, can -write whatever hand he pleases. Nothing is so illiberal -as a school-boy’s scrawl. I would not have you -learn a stiff formal hand-writing, like that of a schoolmaster, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_60'>60</span>but a genteel, legible and liberal hand, and to -be able to write quick. As to the correctness and -elegancy of your writing, attention to grammar does -the one, and to the best authors, the other. Epistolary -correspondence should not be carried on in a studied -or affected style, but the language should flow -from the pen, as naturally and as easily as it would -from the mouth. In short, a letter should be penned -in the same style, as you would talk to your friend, if -he were present.</p> - -<p class='c006'>7. <span class='sc'>If</span> writing well shews the gentleman, much more -so does spelling well. It is essentially necessary for a -gentleman, or a man of letters; one false spelling -may fix a ridicule on him for the remainder of his -life. Words in books are generally well spelled, according -to the orthography of the age; reading -therefore, with attention, will teach every one to spell -right. It sometimes happens that words are spelled -differently by different authors; but if you spell them -upon the authority of one, in estimation of the public, -you will escape ridicule. Where there is but one way -of spelling a word, by your spelling it wrong, you -will be sure to be laughed at. For a <i>woman</i> of a tolerable -education would laugh at and despise her lover, -if he wrote to her, and the words were ill spelled. Be -particularly attentive then to your spelling.</p> - -<p class='c006'>8. <span class='sc'>There</span> is nothing that a young man, at his -first appearance in life, ought more to dread, than -<span class='pageno' id='Page_61'>61</span>having any ridicule fixed on him. In the estimation -even of the most rational men, it will lessen him, but -ruin him with all the rest. Many have been undone -by a ridiculous nick-name. The causes of -nick-names among well-bred men, are generally the -little defects in manner, air, or address. To have the -appellation of ill-bred, awkward, muttering, left-legged, -or any other, tacked always to your name, -would injure you more than you are aware of. Avoid -then these little defects (and they are easily avoided) -and you need never fear a nick-name.</p> - -<p class='c006'>9. <span class='sc'>Some</span> young men are apt to think, that they -cannot be complete gentlemen, without becoming men -of pleasure; and the rake they often mistake for the -man of pleasure. A rake is made up of the meanest -and most disgraceful vices. They all combine to degrade -his character, and ruin his health and fortune. -A man of pleasure will refine upon the enjoyments -of the age, attend them with decency, and partake of -them becomingly. Indeed, he is too often less scrupulous -than he should be, and frequently has cause to -repent it. A man of pleasure, at best, is but a dissipated -being, and what the rational part of mankind -must abhor; I mention it, however, lest in taking up -the man of pleasure, you should fall into the rake; -for of two evils, always chuse the least. A dissolute, -flagitious footman may make as good a rake as a man -of the first quality. Few men can be men of pleasure; -every man may be a rake. There is a certain dignity -<span class='pageno' id='Page_62'>62</span>that should be preserved in all our pleasures: In love, -a man may lose his heart, without losing his nose; at -table, a man may have a distinguishing palate, without -being a glutton; he may love wine, without being -a drunkard; he may game, without being a gambler; -and so on. Every virtue has its kindred vice, and -every pleasure its neighbouring disgrace. Temperance -and moderation mark the gentleman; but excess -the blackguard. Attend carefully, then, to the -line that divides them; and remember, stop rather a -yard short, than step an inch beyond it. Weigh the -present enjoyment of your pleasures against the necessary -consequences of them, and I will leave you to -your own determination.</p> - -<p class='c006'>10. <span class='sc'>A gentleman</span> has ever some regard also to the -<i>choice</i> of his amusements; if at cards, he will not be -seen at cribbage, all-fours, or put; or, in sports of -exercise, at skittles, foot-ball, leap-frog, cricket, driving -of coaches, &c. but will preserve a propriety in -every part of his conduct; knowing that any imitation -of the manners of the mob, will unavoidably stamp -him with vulgarity. There is another amusement -too, which I cannot help calling illiberal, that is, -playing upon any musical instrument. Music is commonly -reckoned one of the liberal arts, and undoubtedly -is so; but to be piping or fiddling at a concert -is degrading to a man of fashion. If you love music, -hear it; pay fiddlers to play to you, but never fiddle -yourself. It makes a gentleman appear frivolous and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_63'>63</span>contemptible, leads him frequently into bad company, -and wastes that time which might otherwise be well -employed.</p> - -<p class='c006'>11. <span class='sc'>Secrecy</span> is another characteristic of good-breeding. -Be careful never to tell in one company -what you see or hear in another; much less to divert -the present company at the expense of the last. Things -apparently indifferent may, when often repeated and -told abroad, have much more serious consequences -than imagined. In conversation, there is generally a -tacit reliance, that what is said will not be repeated; -and a man, though not enjoined to secrecy, will be -excluded company, if found to be a tatler; besides, -he will draw himself into a thousand scrapes, and every -one will be afraid to speak before him.</p> - -<p class='c006'>12. <span class='sc'>Pulling</span> out your watch in company unasked, -either at home or abroad, is a mark of ill-breeding; if -at home, it appears as if you were tired of your company, -and wished them to be gone; if abroad, as if the -hours dragged heavily, and wished to be gone yourself. -If you want to know the time, withdraw; besides, -as the taking what is called French leave was -introduced, that on one person’s leaving the company -the rest might not be disturbed, looking at your watch -does what that piece of politeness was designed to prevent; -it is a kind of dictating to all present, and telling -them it is time, or almost time to break up.</p> - -<p class='c006'>13. <span class='sc'>Among</span> other things, let me caution you against -<span class='pageno' id='Page_64'>64</span>ever being in a hurry; a man of sense may be in haste, -but he is never in a hurry; convinced that hurry is -the surest way to make him do what he undertakes ill. -To be in a hurry is a proof that the business we embark -in is too great for us; of course it is the mark of -little minds, that are puzzled and perplexed, when -they should be cool and deliberate; they want to do -every thing at once, and therefore do nothing. Be -steady, then, in all your engagements; look round -you, before you begin; and remember that you had -better do half of them well, and leave the rest undone, -than to do the whole indifferently.</p> - -<p class='c006'>14. <span class='sc'>From</span> a kind of false modesty, most young men -are apt to consider familiarity as unbecoming. Forwardness -I allow is so; but there is a decent familiarity -that is necessary in the course of life. Mere formal -visits, upon formal invitations, are not the thing; -they create no connexion, nor will they prove of service -to you; it is the careless and easy ingress and -egress, at all hours, that secures an acquaintance to our -interest; and this is acquired by a respectful familiarity -entered into, without forfeiting your consequence.</p> - -<p class='c006'>15. <span class='sc'>In</span> acquiring new acquaintance, be careful not -to neglect your old, for a slight of this kind is seldom -forgiven. If you cannot be with your former acquaintance, -so often as you used to be, while you had -no others, take care not to give them cause to think -you neglect them; call upon them frequently, though -you cannot stay long with them; tell them you are -<span class='pageno' id='Page_65'>65</span>sorry to leave them so soon, and nothing should take -you away but certain engagements which good manners -oblige you to attend to; for it will be your interest -to make all the friends you can, and as few enemies -as possible. By friends, I would not be understood -to mean confidential ones; but persons who -speak of you respectfully, and who, consistent with -their own interest, would wish to be of service to you, -and would rather do you good than harm.</p> - -<p class='c006'>16. <span class='sc'>Another</span> thing I must recommend to you, as -characteristic of a polite education, and of having kept -good company, is a graceful manner of conferring favours. -The most obliging things may be done so -awkwardly as to offend, while the most disagreeable -things may be done so agreeably as to please.</p> - -<p class='c006'>17. <span class='sc'>A few</span> more articles and then I have done; -the first is on the subject of vanity. It is the common -failing of youth, and as such ought to be carefully -guarded against. The vanity I mean, is that which, -if given way to, stamps a man a coxcomb, a character -he will find a difficulty to get rid of, perhaps as long -as he lives. Now this vanity shews itself in a variety -of shapes; one man shall pride himself in taking the -lead in all conversations, and peremptorily deciding -upon every subject; another, desirous of appearing -successful among the women, shall insinuate the encouragement -he has met with, the conquests he makes, -and perhaps boasts of favours he never received; if -he speaks truth, he is ungenerous; if false, he is a villain; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_66'>66</span>but whether true or false, he defeats his own -purposes, overthrows the reputation he wishes to erect, -and draws upon himself contempt in the room of respect. -Some men are vain enough to think they acquire -consequence by alliance, or by an acquaintance -with persons of distinguished character or abilities; -hence they are eternally talking of their grand-father, -Lord such-a-one; their kinsman, Sir William such-a-one; -or their intimate friend, Dr. such-a-one, with -whom perhaps, they are scarcely acquainted. If they -are ever found out (and that they are sure to be one -time or another) they become ridiculous and contemptible; -but even admitting what they say to be true, -what then? A man’s intrinsic merit does not rise from -an ennobled alliance, or a reputable acquaintance. -A rich man never borrows. When angling for praise, -modesty is the surest bait. If we would wish to shine -in any particular character, we must never affect that -character. An affectation of courage will make a man -pass for a bully; an affectation of wit, for a coxcomb; -and an affectation of sense, for a fool. Not that I -would recommend bashfulness or timidity: No; I -would have every one know his own value, yet not -discover that he knows it, but leave his merit to be -found out by others.</p> - -<p class='c006'>18. <span class='sc'>Another</span> thing worth your attention is, if in -company with an inferior, not to let him feel his inferiority; -if he discovers it himself, without your endeavours, -the fault is not yours, and he will not blame -<span class='pageno' id='Page_67'>67</span>you; but if you take pains to mortify him, or to make -him feel himself inferior to you in abilities, fortune, -or rank, it is an insult that will not readily be forgiven. -In point of abilities, it would be unjust, as they are -out of his power; in point of rank or fortune, it is -ill-natured and ill-bred. This rule is never more necessary -than at table, where there cannot be a greater -insult than to help an inferior to a part he dislikes, or -a part that may be worse than ordinary, and to take -the best to yourself. If you at any time invite an inferior -to your table, you put him, during the time he -is there, upon an equality with you; and it is an act -of the highest rudeness to treat him in any respect, -slightingly. I would rather double my attention to -such a person, and treat him with additional respect, -lest he should even suppose himself neglected. There -cannot be a greater savageness, or cruelty, or any thing -more degrading to a man of fashion than to put upon -or take unbecoming liberties with him, whose modesty, -humility, or respect, will not suffer him to retaliate. -True politeness consists in making every body happy -about you; and as to mortify is to render unhappy, -it can be nothing but the worst of breeding. Make it -a rule, rather to flatter a person’s vanity than otherwise; -make him, if possible, more in love with himself, -and you will be certain to gain his esteem; never tell -him any thing he may not like to hear, nor say things -that will put him out of countenance, but let it be -your study on all occasions to please; this will be -making friends instead of enemies, and be a mean of -serving yourself in the end.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_68'>68</span>19. <span class='sc'>Never</span> be witty, at the expense of any one present, -nor gratify that idle inclination which is too -strong in most young men, I mean laughing at, or -ridiculing the weaknesses or infirmities of others, by -way of diverting the company, or displaying your own -superiority. Most people have their weaknesses, their -peculiar likings and aversions. Some cannot bear the -sight of a cat; others the smell of cheese, and so on; -were you to laugh at these men for their antipathies, or -by design or inattention to bring them in their way, -you could not insult them more. You may possibly -thus gain the laugh on your side, for the present, but -it will make the person, perhaps, at whose expense you -are merry, your enemy forever after; and even those -who laugh with you, will on a little reflection, fear -you and probably despise you; whereas, to procure -what <i>one</i> likes, and to remove what the <i>other</i> hates, -would shew them that they were the objects of your -attention, and possibly make them more your friends -than much greater services would have done. If you -have wit, use it to please but not to hurt. You may -shine, but take care not to scorch. In short, never -seem to see the faults of others. Though among the -mass of men there are, doubtless, numbers of fools -and knaves, yet were we to tell every one we meet -with, that we know them to be so, we should be in -perpetual war. I would detest the knave and pity the -fool, wherever I found him, but I would let neither of -them know unnecessarily that I did so; as I would -not be industrious to make myself enemies. As one -<span class='pageno' id='Page_69'>69</span>must please others then, in order to be pleased one’s -self, consider what is agreeable to you, must be agreeable -to them, and conduct yourself accordingly.</p> - -<p class='c006'>20. <span class='sc'>Whispering</span> in company is another act of -ill-breeding: It seems to insinuate either that the persons -who we would not wish should hear, are unworthy -of our confidence, or it may lead them to -suppose we are speaking improperly of them; on both -accounts, therefore, abstain from it.</p> - -<p class='c006'>21. <span class='sc'>So</span> pulling out one letter after another and reading -them in company, or cutting and paring one’s -nails, is unpolite and rude. It seems to say, we are -weary of the conversation, and are in want of some -amusement to pass away the time.</p> - -<p class='c006'>22. <span class='sc'>Humming</span> a tune to ourselves, drumming with -our fingers on the table, making a noise with our feet, -and such like, are all breaches of good manners, and -indications of our contempt for the persons present; -therefore they should not be indulged.</p> - -<p class='c006'>23. <span class='sc'>Walking</span> fast in the streets is a mark of vulgarity, -implying hurry of business; it may appear -well in a mechanic or tradesman, but suits ill with the -character of a gentleman, or a man of fashion.</p> - -<p class='c006'>24. <span class='sc'>Staring</span> at any person you meet full in the -face, is an act also of ill-breeding; it looks as if you -saw something wonderful in his appearance, and is -therefore a tacit reprehension.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_70'>70</span>25. <span class='sc'>Eating</span> quick, or very slow at meals, is characteristic -of the vulgar; the first infers poverty, that -you have not had a good meal for some time; the last, -if abroad, that you dislike your entertainment; if at -home, that you are rude enough to set before your -friends what you cannot eat yourself. So again, eating -your soup with your nose in the plate is vulgar; -it has the appearance of being used to hard work, and -of course an unsteady hand. If it be necessary then to -avoid this, it is much more so that of smelling your -meat.</p> - -<p class='c006'>26. <span class='sc'>Smelling</span> to the meat while on the fork, before -you put it in your mouth. I have seen many an -ill-bred fellow do this, and have been so angry, that -I could have kicked him from the table. If you dislike -what you have upon your plate, leave it; but on -no account, by smelling to, or examining it, charge -your friend with putting unwholesome provisions before -you.</p> - -<p class='c006'>27. <span class='sc'>Spitting</span> on the carpet is a nasty practice, -and shocking, in a man of liberal education. Were -this to become general, it would be as necessary to -change the carpets as the table-cloths; besides, it will -lead our acquaintance to suppose, that we have not -been used to genteel furniture; for this reason alone, -if for no other, by all means avoid it.</p> - -<p class='c006'>28. <span class='sc'>Keep</span> yourself free likewise from odd tricks or -habits, such as thrusting out your tongue continually, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_71'>71</span>snapping your fingers, rubbing your hands, sighing aloud, -an affected shivering of your whole body, gaping -with a noise like a country-fellow that has been sleeping -in a hay-loft, or indeed with any noise, and many -others, which I have noticed before; these are imitations -of the manners of the mob, and are degrading to -a gentleman.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>A very</span> little attention will get the better of all these -ill-bred habits, and be assured, you will find your account -in it.</p> -<h3 class='c008'><span class='sc'>EMPLOYMENT of TIME.</span></h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>Employment</span> of time, is a subject, that -from its importance, deserves your best attention. -Most young gentlemen have a great deal of time before -them, and one hour well employed, in the early part -of life, is more valuable and will be of greater use to -you, than perhaps four and twenty, some years to -come.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Whatever</span> time you can steal from company, and -from the study of the world; (I say company, for a -knowledge of life is best learned in various companies) -employ it in serious reading. Take up some valuable -book, and continue the reading of that book, till you -have got through it; never burden your mind with -more than one thing at a time: And in reading this -book don’t run over it superficially, but read every passage -twice over, at least do not pass on to a second till -<span class='pageno' id='Page_72'>72</span>you thoroughly understand the first, nor quit the book -till you are master of the subject; for unless you do this, -you may read it through, and not remember the contents -of it for a week. The books I would particularly -recommend, among others, are, <i>Cardinal Retz’s -Maxims</i>, <i>Rochfaucault’s Moral Reflections</i>, <i>Bruyere’s Characters</i>, -<i>Fontenell’s Plurality of Worlds</i>, <i>Sir Josiah Child -on Trade</i>, <i>Bolingbroke’s Works</i>; for style, his <i>Remarks -on the History of England</i>, under the name of Sir John -Oldcastle; <i>Puffendorf’s Jus Gentium</i>, <i>and Grotius’ de -Jure Belli et Pacis</i>: The last two are well translated by -Barboyrac. For occasional half-hours or less, read -the best works of invention, wit and humour; but -never waste your minutes on trifling authors, either -ancient or modern.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Any</span> business you may have to transact, should be -done the first opportunity, and finished, if possible -without interruption; for by deferring it, we may probably -finish it too late, or execute it indifferently. -Now, business of any kind should never be done by -halves, but every part of it should be well attended to: -For he that does business ill, had better not do it at -all. And, in any point, which discretion bids you -pursue, and which has a manifest utility to recommend -it, let no difficulties deter you; rather let them -animate your industry. If one method fails, try a -second and a third. Be active, persevere and you will -certainly conquer.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_73'>73</span><span class='sc'>Never</span> indulge a lazy disposition; there are few -things but are attended with some difficulties, and if -you are frightened at those difficulties, you will not -compleat any thing. Indolent minds prefer ignorance -to trouble; they look upon most things as impossible, -because perhaps they are difficult. Even an hour’s -attention is too laborious for them, and they would -rather content themselves with the first view of things, -than take the trouble to look any farther into them. -Thus, when they come to talk upon subjects to those -who have studied them, they betray an unpardonable -ignorance, and lay themselves open to answers that -confuse them. Be careful then, that you do not get -the appellation of indolent; and, if possible, avoid the -character of frivolous. For,</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>The</span> frivolous mind is always busied upon nothing. -It mistakes trifling objects for important ones, and -spends that time upon little matters, that should only -be bestowed upon great ones. Knick-knacks, butterflies, -shells, and such like, engross the attention of -the frivolous man, and fill up all his time. He studies -the dress and not the characters of men, and his subjects -of conversation are no other than the weather, his -own domestic affairs, his servants, his method of managing -his family, the little anecdotes of the neighbourhood, -and the fiddle-faddle stories of the day; -void of information, void of improvement. These he -relates with emphasis, as interesting matters; in short, -he is a male gossip, I appeal to your own feelings now, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_74'>74</span>whether such things do not lessen a man, in the opinion -of his acquaintance, and instead of attracting esteem, -create disgust.</p> -<h3 class='c008'><span class='sc'>DIGNITY of MANNERS.</span></h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>There</span> is a certain dignity of manners, without -which the very best characters will not be -valued.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Romping</span>, loud and frequent laughing, punning, -joking, mimickry, waggery, and too great and indiscriminate -familiarity, will render any one contemptible, -in spite of all his knowledge or his merit. These -may constitute a merry fellow, but a merry fellow was -never yet respectable. Indiscriminate familiarity, will -either offend your superiors, or make you pass for their -dependant, or toad-eater, and it will put your inferiors -on a degree of equality with you, that may be troublesome.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>A joke</span>, if it carries a sting along with it, is no -longer a joke but an affront; and even if it has no -sting, unless its witticism is delicate and facetious, -instead of giving pleasure, it will disgust; or, if the -company <i>should</i> laugh, they will probably laugh at the -jester rather than the jest.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Punning</span> is a mere playing upon words, and far -from being a mark of sense: Thus, were we to say, -such a dress is <i>commodious</i>, one of these wags would -answer <i>odious</i>; or, that, whatever it has been, it is -<span class='pageno' id='Page_75'>75</span>now be <i>commodious</i>. Others will give us an answer -different from what we should expect, without either -wit, or the least beauty of thought; as, ‘<i>Where’s -my Lord?</i>’—‘<i>In his clothes, unless he is in bed.</i>’—‘<i>How -does this wine taste?</i>’—‘<i>A little moist, I think.</i>’—‘<i>How -is this to be eaten?</i>’—‘<i>With your mouth</i>;’ and so on, all -which (you will readily apprehend) are low and vulgar. -If your witticisms are not instantly approved by the -laugh of the company, for heaven’s sake, don’t attempt -to be witty for the future; for you may take it for -granted, the defect is in yourself, and not in your -hearers.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>As</span> to a mimick or a wag, he is little else than a -buffoon, who will distort his mouth and his eyes to -make people laugh. Be assured, no one person ever -demeaned himself to please the rest, unless he wished -to be thought the Merry-Andrew of the company, -and whether this character is respectable, I will leave -you to judge.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span> a man’s company is coveted on any other account -than his knowledge, his good sense, or his manners, -he is seldom respected by those who invite him, but -made use of only to entertain. ‘Let’s have such-a-one, -for he sings a good song, or he is always joking or -laughing;’ or ‘Let’s send for such-a-one, for he is -a good bottle companion;’ these are degrading distinctions, -that preclude all respect and esteem. Whoever -is had (as the phrase is) for the sake of any qualification -<span class='pageno' id='Page_76'>76</span>singly, is merely that thing he is had for, is -never considered in any other light, and, of course, -never properly respected, let his intrinsic merits be -what they will.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>You</span> may possibly suppose this dignity of manners -to border upon pride; but it differs as much from -pride, as true courage from blustering.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>To</span> flatter a person right or wrong, is abject flattery, -and to consent readily to do every thing proposed by -a company, be it silly or criminal, is full as degrading, -as to dispute warmly upon every subject, and to contradict -upon all occasions. To preserve dignity, we -should modestly assert our own sentiments, though we -politely acquiesce in those of others.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>So</span> again, to support dignity of character, we should -neither be frivolously curious about trifles, nor be laboriously -intent upon little objects that deserve not a -moment’s attention; for this implies an incapacity in -matters of greater importance.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>A great</span> deal likewise depends upon our air, address -and expressions; an awkward address and vulgar -expressions infer either a low turn of mind, or low -education.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Insolent</span> contempt, or low envy, is incompatible -also with dignity of manners. Low-bred persons, fortunately -lifted in the world in fine clothes and fine -equipages, will insolently look down on all those who -<span class='pageno' id='Page_77'>77</span>cannot afford to make as good an appearance, and -they openly envy those who perhaps make a better. -They also dread the being slighted; of course, are -suspicious and captious; are uneasy themselves, and -make every body else so about them.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>A certain</span> degree of outward seriousness in looks -and actions gives dignity, while a constant smirk upon -the face (that insipid silly smile, which fools have when -they would be civil) and whiffling motions, are strong -marks of futility.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>But</span> above all a dignity of character is to be acquired -best by a certain firmness in all our actions. A mean, -timid and passive complaisance, lets a man down more -than he is aware of; but still his firmness and resolution -should not extend to brutality, but be accompanied -with a peculiar and engaging softness, or mildness.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span> you discover any hastiness in your temper, and -find it apt to break out into rough and unguarded -expressions, watch it narrowly, and endeavour to curb -it; but let no complaisance, no weak desire of pleasing, -no wheedling, urge you to do that which discretion -forbids; but persist and persevere in all that is -right. In your connexions and friendships, you will -find this rule of use to you. Invite and preserve attachments -by your firmness; but labour to keep clear of -enemies by a mildness of behaviour. Disarm those -enemies you may unfortunately have (and few are -without them) by a gentleness of manner, but make -<span class='pageno' id='Page_78'>78</span>them feel the steadiness of your just resentment! For -there is a wide difference between bearing malice and -a determined self-defence; the one is imperious, but -the other is prudent and justifiable.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> directing your servants, or any person you have -a right to command; if you deliver your orders mildly, -and in that engaging manner which every gentleman -should study to do, you would be cheerfully, and consequently, -well obeyed; but if tyrannically, you would -be very unwillingly served, if served at all. A cool, -steady determination should shew that you will be -obeyed, but a gentleness in the manner of enforcing -that obedience should make your service a cheerful -one. Thus will you be loved without being despised, -and feared without being hated.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I hope</span> I need not mention vices. A man who -has patiently been kicked out of company, may have -as good a pretence to courage, as one rendered infamous -by his vices, may to dignity of any kind; however, -of such consequence are appearances, that an -outward decency and an affected dignity of manners -will even keep such a man the longer from sinking. -If therefore you should unfortunately have no intrinsic -merit of your own, keep up, if possible, the appearance -of it; and the world will possibly give you credit for -the rest. A versatility of manners is as necessary in -social life, as a versatility of parts in political. This -is no way blamable, if not used with an ill design. -We must, like the cameleon, often put on the hue of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_79'>79</span>persons we wish to be well with; and it surely can -never be blamable, to endeavour to gain the good will -or affection of any one, if when obtained, we do not -mean to abuse it.</p> -<h3 class='c008'><span class='sc'>RULES for CONVERSATION.</span></h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>Having</span> now given you full and sufficient -instructions for making you well received in the -best companies; nothing remains but that I lay before -you some few rules for your conduct in such company. -Many things on this subject I have mentioned -before, but some few matters remain to be mentioned -now.</p> - -<p class='c006'>1. <span class='sc'>Talk</span>, then, frequently but not long together, -lest you tire the persons you are speaking to; for few -persons talk so well upon a subject, as to keep up the -attention of their hearers for any length of time.</p> - -<p class='c006'>2. <span class='sc'>Avoid</span> telling stories in company, unless they -are very short indeed, and very applicable to the subject -you are upon; in this case relate them in as few -words as possible, without the least digression, and -with some apology; as that you hate the telling of -stories, but the shortness of it induced you. And, if -your story has any wit in it, be particularly careful not -to laugh at it yourself. Nothing is more tiresome and -disagreeable than a long tedious narrative; it betrays -a gossiping disposition, and great want of imagination; -and nothing is more ridiculous than to express an approbation -of your own story, by a laugh.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_80'>80</span>3. <span class='sc'>In</span> relating any thing, keep clear of repetitions, -or very hackneyed expressions, such as, <i>says he</i>, or <i>says -she</i>. Some people will use these so often, as to take -off the hearer’s attention from the story; as, in an organ -out of tune, one pipe shall perhaps sound the whole -time we are playing, and confuse the piece, so as not -to be understood.</p> - -<p class='c006'>4. <span class='sc'>Digressions</span>, likewise, should be guarded -against. A story is always more agreeable without -them. Of this kind are, ‘<i>the gentleman I am telling you -of, is the son of Sir Thomas,—who lives in Harley street; -you must know him—his brother had a horse that won the -sweep stakes at the last Newmarket meeting—Zounds! if -you don’t know him you know nothing.</i>’ Or, ‘<i>He was -an upright tall old gentleman, who wore his own long -hair: don’t you recollect him?</i>’ All this is unnecessary; -is very tiresome and provoking, and would be an -excuse for a man’s behaviour, if he was to leave us in -the midst of our narrative.</p> - -<p class='c006'>5. <span class='sc'>Some</span> people have a trick of holding the persons -they are speaking to by the button, or the hand, in -order to be heard out; conscious, I suppose, that their -tale is tiresome. Pray, never do this; if the person -you speak to is not as willing to hear your story, as -you are to tell it, you had much better break off in the -middle; for if you tire them once, they will be afraid -to listen to you a second time.</p> - -<p class='c006'>6. <span class='sc'>Others</span> have a way of punching the person they -<span class='pageno' id='Page_81'>81</span>are talking to, in the side, and at the end of every sentence, -asking him some such questions as the following: -‘Wasn’t I right in that?’—‘You know, I told you -so?’—‘What’s your opinion?’ and the like; or perhaps -they will be thrusting him, or jogging him with -their elbow. For mercy’s sake, never give way to -this; it will make your company dreaded.</p> - -<p class='c006'>7. <span class='sc'>Long</span> talkers are frequently apt to single out -some unfortunate man present, generally the most silent -one of the company, or probably him who sits next to -him. To this man, in a kind of half-whisper they will -run on for half an hour together. Nothing can be -more ill-bred. But if one of these unmerciful talkers -should attack you, if you wish to oblige him, I would -recommend the hearing him with patience: Seem to -do so at least, for you could not hurt him more than -to leave him in the middle of his story, or discover any -impatience in the course of it.</p> - -<p class='c006'>8. <span class='sc'>Incessant</span> talkers are very disagreeable companions. -Nothing can be more rude than to engross -the conversation to yourself, or to take the words as it -were, out of another man’s mouth. Every man in -company has an equal claim to bear his part in the conversation, -and to deprive him of it, is not only unjust, -but a tacit declaration that he cannot speak so well -upon the subject as yourself; you will therefore take -it up: And, what can be more rude? I would as soon -forgive a man that should stop my mouth when I was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_82'>82</span>gaping, as take my words from me while I was speaking -them. Now, if this be unpardonable, it cannot be -less so</p> - -<p class='c006'>9. <span class='sc'>To</span> help out or forestal the slow speaker, as if you -alone were rich in expressions, and he were poor. You -may take it for granted, every one is vain enough to -think he can talk well, though he may modestly deny -it; helping a person therefore out in his expressions, -is a correction that will stamp the corrector with impudence -and ill manners.</p> - -<p class='c006'>10. <span class='sc'>Those</span> who contradict others upon all occasions, -and make every assertion a matter of dispute, betray -by this behaviour an unacquaintance with good-breeding. -He therefore who wishes to appear amiable, with -those he converses with, will be cautious of such expressions -as these, ‘That can’t be true, Sir.’ ‘The affair -is as I say.’ ‘That must be false, Sir.’ ‘If what -you say is true, &c.’ You may as well tell a man he -lies at once, as thus indirectly impeach his veracity. -It is equally as rude to be proving every trifling assertion -with a bet or a wager. ‘I’ll bet you fifty of it, -and so on.’ Make it then a constant rule, in matters -of no great importance, complaisantly to submit your -opinion to that of others; for a victory of this kind -often costs a man the loss of a friend.</p> - -<p class='c006'>11. <span class='sc'>Giving</span> advice unasked, is another piece of -rudeness; it is, in effect, declaring ourselves wiser than -those to whom we give it; reproaching them with ignorance -<span class='pageno' id='Page_83'>83</span>and inexperience. It is a freedom that ought -not to be taken with any common acquaintance, and -yet there are those, who will be offended, if their advice -is not taken. ‘Such-a-one,’ say they, ‘is above -being advised.’ ‘He scorns to listen to my advice;’ -as if it were not a mark of greater arrogance to expect -every one to submit to their opinion, than for a man -sometimes to follow his own.</p> - -<p class='c006'>12. <span class='sc'>There</span> is nothing so unpardonably rude as a -seeming inattention to the person who is speaking to you; -though you may meet with it in others, by all means, -avoid it yourself. Some ill-bred people, while others -are speaking to them, will, instead of looking at, or -attending to them, perhaps fix their eyes on the ceiling, -or some picture in the room, look out of a window, -play with a dog, their watch chain, or their cane, or -probably pick their nails or their noses. Nothing -betrays a more trifling mind than this; nor can any -thing be a greater affront to the person speaking; it -being a tacit declaration, that what he is saying is not -worth your attention. Consider with yourself how -you would like such treatment, and, I am persuaded -you will never shew it to others.</p> - -<p class='c006'>13. <span class='sc'>Surliness</span> or moroseness is incompatible also -with politeness. Such as, should any one say ‘he was -desired to present Mr. Such-a-one’s respects to you,’ -to reply, ‘What the devil have I to do with his respects?’ -‘My Lord enquired after you lately, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_84'>84</span>asked how you did,’ to answer, ‘If he wishes to -know, let him come and feel my pulse;’ and the -like. A good deal of this often is affected; but whether -affected or natural, it is always offensive. A man -of this stamp will occasionally be laughed at, as an oddity; -but in the end will be despised.</p> - -<p class='c006'>14. <span class='sc'>I should</span> suppose it unnecessary to advise you -to adapt your conversation to the company you are in. -You would not surely start the same subject, and discourse -of it in the same manner with the old and with -the young, with an officer, a clergyman, a philosopher, -and a woman. No; your good sense will undoubtedly -teach you to be serious with the serious, gay with the -gay, and to trifle with the triflers.</p> - -<p class='c006'>15. <span class='sc'>There</span> are certain expressions which are exceedingly -rude, and yet there are people of liberal -education that sometimes use them; as ‘You don’t -understand me, Sir,’ ‘It is not so.’ ‘You mistake.’ -‘You know nothing of the matter, &c.’ Is it not better -to say? ‘I believe, I do not express myself so as to be -understood.’ ‘Let us consider it again, whether we -take it right or not.’ It is much more polite and amiable -to make some excuse for another, even in cases -where he might justly be blamed, and to represent the -mistake as common to both, rather than charge him -with insensibility or incomprehension.</p> - -<p class='c006'>16. <span class='sc'>If</span> anyone should have promised you any thing, -and not have fulfilled that promise, it would be very -<span class='pageno' id='Page_85'>85</span>unpolite to tell him, he has forfeited his word; or if -the same person should have disappointed you, upon -any occasion, would it not be better to say, ‘You were -probably so much engaged, that you forgot my affair;’ -or, ‘Perhaps it slipped your memory;’ rather -than, ‘You thought no more about it,’ or ‘you pay -very little regard to your word.’ For, expressions of -this kind leave a sting behind them. They are a kind -of provocation and affront, and very often bring on lasting -quarrels.</p> - -<p class='c006'>17. <span class='sc'>Be</span> careful not to appear dark and mysterious, -lest you should be thought suspicious; than which -there cannot be a more unamiable character. If you -appear mysterious and reserved, others will be truly -so with you; and in this case there is an end to improvement, -for you will gather no information. Be -reserved, but never seem so.</p> - -<p class='c006'>18. <span class='sc'>There</span> is a fault extremely common with some -people, which I would have <i>you</i> to avoid. When their -opinion is asked, upon any subject, they will give it -with so apparent a diffidence and timidity, that one -cannot, without the utmost pain, listen to them; especially -if they are known to be men of universal knowledge. -‘Your Lordship will pardon me,’ says one of -this stamp, ‘if I should not be able to speak to the -case in hand, so well as it might be wished.’—‘I’ll -venture to speak of this matter to the best of my poor -abilities and dulness of apprehension.’—‘I fear I shall -<span class='pageno' id='Page_86'>86</span>expose myself, but in obedience to your Lordship’s -commands’—and while they are making these apologies, -they interrupt the business and tire the company.</p> - -<p class='c006'>19. <span class='sc'>Always</span> look people in the face, when you -speak to them, otherwise you will be thought conscious -of some guilt, besides, you lose the opportunity of -reading their countenances, from which you will much -better learn the impression your discourse makes upon -them than you can possibly do from their words; for -words are at the will of every one, but the countenance -is frequently involuntary.</p> - -<p class='c006'>20. <span class='sc'>If</span> in speaking to a person, you are not heard, -and should be desired to repeat what you said, do not -raise your voice in the repetition, lest you should be -thought angry, on being obliged to repeat what you -said before; it was probably owing to the hearer’s -inattention.</p> - -<p class='c006'>21. <span class='sc'>One</span> word only, as to swearing. Those who -addict themselves to it, and interlard their discourse -with oaths, can never be considered as gentlemen; they -are generally people of low education, and are unwelcome -in what is called good company. It is a vice -that has no temptation to plead, but is, in every respect, -as vulgar as it is wicked.</p> - -<p class='c006'>22. <span class='sc'>Never</span> accustom yourself to scandal, nor listen -to it; for though it may gratify the malevolence of -some people, nine times out of ten, it is attended with -<span class='pageno' id='Page_87'>87</span>great disadvantages. The very persons you tell it to, -will, on reflection, entertain a mean opinion of you, -and it will often bring you into very disagreeable situations. -And as there would be no evil speakers, if -there were no evil hearers, it is in scandal as in robbery; -the receiver is as bad as the thief. Besides, it will -lead people to shun your company, supposing that you -will speak ill of them to the next acquaintance you -meet.</p> - -<p class='c006'>23. <span class='sc'>Mimickry</span>, the favourite amusement of little -minds, has been ever the contempt of great ones. -Never give way to it yourself, nor ever encourage it -in others; it is the most illiberal of all buffoonery; it -is an insult on the person you mimick; and insults, I -have often told you, are seldom forgiven.</p> - -<p class='c006'>24. <span class='sc'>Carefully</span> avoid talking either of your own -or other people’s domestic concerns. By doing the -one, you will be thought vain; by entering into the -other, you will be considered as officious. Talking -of yourself is an impertinence to the company; your -affairs are nothing to them; besides they cannot be -kept too secret. And as to the affairs of others, what -are they to you? In talking of matters that no way -concern you, you are liable to commit blunders, and -should you touch any one in a sore part, you may possibly -lose his esteem. Let your conversation, then, in -mixed companies, always be general.</p> - -<p class='c006'>25. <span class='sc'>Jokes</span>, bon-mots, or the little pleasantries of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_88'>88</span>one company, will not often bear to be told in another; -they are frequently local, and take their rise from -certain circumstances, a second company may not be -acquainted with; these circumstances, and of course -your story, may be misunderstood, or want explaining; -and if after you have prefaced it with,—‘I will tell you -a good thing;’—the sting should not be immediately -perceived, you will appear exceedingly ridiculous, and -wish you had not told it. Never then without caution -repeat in one place, what you hear in another.</p> - -<p class='c006'>26. <span class='sc'>In</span> most debates, take up the favourable side of -the question; however, let me caution you against being -clamorous, that is, never maintain an argument -with heat, though you know yourself right; but offer -your sentiments modestly and coolly, and if this does -not prevail, give it up, and try to change the subject -by saying something to this effect—‘I find we shall -hardly convince one another, neither is there any -necessity to attempt it; so let us talk of something -else.’</p> - -<p class='c006'>27. <span class='sc'>Not</span> that I would have you give up your opinion -always; no, assert your own sentiments, and oppose -those of others, when wrong; but let your manner -and voice be gentle and engaging, and yet no ways -affected. If you contradict, do it with, ‘I may be -wrong, I won’t be positive, but I really think—I -should rather suppose—If I may be permitted to say,’ -and close your dispute with good humour, to shew that -<span class='pageno' id='Page_89'>89</span>you are neither displeased yourself nor meant to displease -the person you dispute with.</p> - -<p class='c006'>28. <span class='sc'>Acquaint</span> yourself with the character and -situations of the company you go into, before you give -a loose to your tongue; for, should you enlarge on -some virtue, which any one present may notoriously -want; or should you condemn some vice, which any -of the company may be particularly addicted to, they -will be apt to think your reflections pointed and personal, -and you will be sure to give offence. This consideration -will naturally lead you, not to suppose things -said in general, to be leveled at you.</p> - -<p class='c006'>29. <span class='sc'>Low-bred</span> people, when they happen occasionally -to be in good company, imagine themselves to -be the subject of every separate conversation. If any -part of the company whisper, it is about them; if -they laugh, it is at them; and if any thing is said -which they do not comprehend, they immediately -suppose it is meant of them. This mistake is admirably -ridiculed in one of our celebrated comedies, ‘I -am sure,’ says Scrub, ‘they were talking of me, for they -laughed consumedly.’ Now, a well-bred person never -thinks himself disesteemed by the company, or -laughed at, unless their reflections are so gross, that -he cannot be supposed to mistake them, and his honour -obliges him to resent it in a proper manner; however, -be assured, gentlemen never laugh at, or ridicule -one another, unless they are in joke, or on a footing -<span class='pageno' id='Page_90'>90</span>of the greatest intimacy. If such a thing should happen -once in an age, from some pert coxcomb, or some -flippant woman, it is better to seem not to know it, -than to make the least reply.</p> - -<p class='c006'>30. <span class='sc'>It</span> is a piece of politeness not to interrupt a -person in a story, whether you have heard it before -or not. Nay, if a well-bred man is asked whether he -has heard it; he will answer no, and let the person -go on, though he knows it already. Some are fond -of telling a story, because they think they tell it well, -others pride themselves in being the first teller of it, -and others are pleased at being thought entrusted with -it. Now, all these persons you would disappoint by -answering yes. And, as I have told you before, as -the greatest proof of politeness is to make every body -happy about you, I would never deprive a person of -any secret satisfaction of this sort, in which I could -gratify him by a minute’s attention.</p> - -<p class='c006'>31. <span class='sc'>Be</span> not ashamed of asking questions, if such -questions lead to information; always accompany them -with some excuse, and you never will be reckoned impertinent. -But abrupt questions, without some apology, -by all means avoid, as they imply design. There -is a way of fishing for facts, which, if done judiciously, -will answer every purpose, such as, taking things -you wish to know for granted; this will perhaps lead -some officious person to set you right. So again, by -saying, you have heard so and so, and sometimes seeming -to know more than you do, you will often get at -<span class='pageno' id='Page_91'>91</span>information, which you would lose by direct questions, -as these would put people on their guard, and -frequently defeat the very end you aim at.</p> - -<p class='c006'>32. <span class='sc'>Make</span> it a rule never to reflect on any body -of people, for, reflections of this nature create many -enemies. There are good and bad of all professions; -lawyers, soldiers, parsons, or citizens. They -are all men, subject to the same passions, differing only -in their manner, according to the way they have been -bred up in. For this reason, it is unjust, as well as -indiscreet, to attack them as a <span class='fss'>CORPS</span> collectively. -Many a young man has thought himself extremely -clever in abusing the clergy. What are the clergy -more than other men? Can you suppose a black gown -can make any alteration in his nature? Fie, fie; think -seriously, and I am convinced you will never do it.</p> - -<p class='c006'>33. <span class='sc'>But</span> above all, let no example, no fashion, no -witticism, no foolish desire of rising above what knaves -call prejudices, tempt you to excuse, extenuate or ridicule -the least breach of morality; but upon every -occasion, shew the greatest abhorrence of such proceedings, -and hold virtue and religion in the highest veneration.</p> - -<p class='c006'>34. <span class='sc'>It</span> is a great piece of ill-manners to interrupt -any one while speaking, by speaking yourself, or calling -off the attention of the company to any foreign -matter. But this every child knows.</p> - -<p class='c006'>35. <span class='sc'>The</span> last thing I shall mention is that of concealing -<span class='pageno' id='Page_92'>92</span>your learning, except on particular occasions. -Reserve this for learned men, and let them rather -extort it from you, than you be too willing to display -it. Hence you will be thought modest, and to have -more knowledge than you really have. Never seem -wise or more learned than the company you are in. -He who affects to shew his learning, will be frequently -questioned; and if found superficial, will be sneered -at; if otherwise, he will be deemed a pedant. Real -merit will always shew itself, and nothing can lessen -it in the opinion of the world, but a man’s exhibiting -it himself.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>For</span> God’s sake, revolve all these things seriously -in your mind, before you go abroad into life. Recollect -the observations you have yourself occasionally -made upon men and things, compare them with my -instructions, and act wisely, and consequently, as -they shall teach you.</p> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c003' /> -</div> -<hr class='c013' /> -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_93'>93</span> - <h2 class='c004'>A<br /><span class='xxlarge'>FATHER’S LEGACY</span><br />TO<br /><span class='xxlarge'>HIS DAUGHTERS</span>.</h2> -</div> -<p class='c005'><span class='small'>MY DEAR GIRLS</span>,</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>You</span> had the misfortune to be deprived of your -mother, at a time of life when you were insensible -of your loss, and could receive little benefit, either -from her instruction, or her example. Before this -comes to your hands, you will likewise have lost your -father.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I have</span> had many melancholy reflections on the forlorn -and helpless situation you must be in, if it should -please God to remove me from you before you arrive -at that period of life, when you will be able to think -and act for yourselves. I know mankind too well. -I know their falsehood, their dissipation, their coldness -to all the duties of friendship and humanity. I know -the little attention paid to helpless infancy. You will -meet with few friends disinterested enough to do you -good offices, when you are incapable of making them -any return, by contributing to their interest or their -pleasure, or to the gratification of their vanity.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_94'>94</span><span class='sc'>I have</span> been supported under the gloom naturally -arising from these reflections, by a reliance on the -goodness of that Providence which has hitherto preferred -you, and given me the most pleasing prospect -of the goodness of your dispositions; and by the secret -hope, that your mother’s virtues will entail a -blessing on her children.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>The</span> anxiety I have for your happiness has made me -resolve to throw together my sentiments, relating to -your future conduct in life. If I live for some years, -you will receive them with much greater advantage, -suited to your different geniuses and dispositions. If -I die sooner, you must receive them in this very imperfect -manner,—the last proof of my affection.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>You</span> will all remember your father’s fondness, when -perhaps every other circumstance relating to him is -forgotten. This remembrance, I hope, will induce -you to give a serious attention to the advices I am -now going to leave with you.—I can request this -attention with the greater confidence, as my sentiments -on the most interesting points that regard life -and manners, were entirely correspondent to your -mother’s, whose judgment and taste I trusted much -more than my own.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>You</span> must expect that the advice which I shall -give you will be very imperfect, as there are many -nameless delicacies, in female manners, of which none -but a woman can judge.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_95'>95</span><span class='sc'>You</span> will have one advantage by attending to what -I am going to leave with you; you will hear, at least -for once in your lives, the genuine sentiments of a -man, who has no interest in flattering or deceiving -you.—I shall throw my reflections together without -any studied order, and shall only, to avoid confusion -range them under a few general heads.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>You</span> will see, in a little treatise of mine just published, -in what an honourable point of view I have -considered your sex; not as domestic drudges, or the -slaves of our pleasures, but as our companions and -equals; as designed to soften our hearts and polish -our manners; and as Thomson finely says,</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c014'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><i>To raise the virtues, animate the bliss,</i></div> - <div class='line'><i>And sweeten all the toils of human life.</i></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c009'>I shall not repeat what I have there said on this subject, -and shall only observe, that from the view I -have given of your natural character and place in society, -there arises a certain propriety of conduct peculiar -to your sex. It is this peculiar propriety of -female manners of which I intend to give you my -sentiments, without touching on those general rules of -conduct by which men and women are equally bound.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>While</span> I explain to you that system of conduct -which I think will tend most to your honour and happiness, -I shall, at the same time, endeavour to point -out those virtues and accomplishment which render -you most respectable and most amiable in the eyes of -my own sex.</p> -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_96'>96</span> - <h3 class='c008'>RELIGION.</h3> -</div> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>Though</span> the duties of religion, strictly speaking, -are equally binding on both sexes, yet certain -differences in their natural character and education, -render some vices in your sex particularly odious. -The natural hardiness of our hearts, and strength of -our passions, inflamed by the uncontrouled license we -are too often indulged with in our youth, are apt to -render our manners more dissolute, and make us less -susceptible of the finer feelings of the heart. Your -superior delicacy, your modesty, and the usual severity -of your education, preserve you, in a great measure, -from any temptation to those vices to which we are -most subjected. The natural softness and sensibility of -your dispositions particularly fit you for the practice of -those duties where the heart is chiefly concerned. And -this, along with the natural warmth of your imaginations, -renders you peculiarly susceptible of the feelings -of devotion.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> are many circumstances in your situation -that peculiarly require the supports of religion to enable -you to act in them with spirit and propriety. -Your whole life is often a life of suffering. You -cannot plunge into business, or dissipate yourselves -in pleasure and riot, as men too often do, when under -the pressure of misfortunes. You must bear your sorrows -in silence, unknown and unpitied. You must -often put on a face of serenity and cheerfulness, when -<span class='pageno' id='Page_97'>97</span>your hearts are torn with anguish, or sinking in despair. -Then your only resource is in the consolations -of religion. It is chiefly owing to these that you bear -domestic misfortunes better than we do.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>But</span> you are sometimes in very different circumstances, -that equally require the restraints of religion. -The natural vivacity, and perhaps the natural vanity -of your sex, are very apt to lead you into a dissipated -state of life, that deceives you, under the appearance -of innocent pleasure; but which in reality wastes -your spirits, impairs your health, weakens all the superior -faculties of your minds, and often sullies your -reputations. Religion by checking this dissipation -and rage for pleasure, enables you to draw more happiness, -even from those very sources of amusement, -which when too frequently applied to, are often productive -of satiety and disgust.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Religion</span> is rather a matter of sentiment than -reasoning. The important and interesting articles -of faith are sufficiently plain. Fix your attention on -these, and do not meddle with controversy. If you -get into that, you plunge into a chaos, from which -you will never be able to extricate yourselves. It -spoils the temper, and, I suspect, has no good effect -on the heart.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Avoid</span> all books, and all conversation, that tend -to shake your faith on those great points of religion -which should serve to regulate your conduct, and on -<span class='pageno' id='Page_98'>98</span>which your hopes of future and eternal happiness -depend.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Never</span> indulge yourselves in ridicule on religious -subjects; nor give countenance to it in others, by -seeming diverted with what they say. This, to -people of good-breeding, will be a sufficient check.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I wish</span> you to go no farther than the Scriptures -for your religious opinions. Embrace those you find -clearly revealed. Never perplex yourselves about -such as you do not understand, but treat them with -silent and becoming reverence.—I would advise you -to read only such religious books as are addressed to -the heart; such as inspire pious and devout affections, -such as are proper to direct you in your conduct, and -not such as tend to entangle you in the endless maze -of opinions and systems.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Be</span> punctual in the stated performance of your private -devotions morning and evening. If you have -any sensibility or imagination, this will establish such -an intercourse between you and the Supreme Being, as -will be of infinite consequence to you in life. It will -communicate an habitual cheerfulness to your tempers; -give a firmness and steadiness to your virtue, -and enable you to go through all the vicissitudes of -human life with propriety and dignity.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I wish</span> you to be regular in your attendance on -public worship, and in receiving the communion. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_99'>99</span>Allow nothing to interrupt your public or private devotions, -except the performance of some active duty in -life, to which they should always give place.—In your -behaviour at public worship, observe an exemplary -attention and gravity.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>That</span> extreme strictness which I recommend to -you in these duties, will be considered by many of -your acquaintance as a superstitious attachment to -forms; but in the advice I give you on this and -other subjects, I have an eye to the spirit and manners -of the age. There is a levity and dissipation in the -present manners, a coldness and listlessness in whatever -relates to religion, which cannot fail to infect you, -unless you purposely cultivate in your minds a contrary -bias, and make the devotional taste habitual.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Avoid</span> all grimace and ostentation in your religious -duties. They are the usual cloaks of hypocrisy; -at least they shew a weak and vain mind.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Do</span> not make religion a subject of common conversation -in mixed companies. When it is introduced, -rather seem to decline it. At the same time, never -suffer any person to insult you by any foolish ribaldry -on your religious opinions, but shew the same resentment -you would naturally do on being offered any -other personal insult. But the surest way to avoid -this, is by a modest reserve on the subject, and by using -no freedom with others about their religious sentiments.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_100'>100</span><span class='sc'>Cultivate</span> an enlarged charity for all mankind, -however they may differ from you in their religious -opinions. That difference may probably arise from -causes in which you had no share, and from which -you can derive no merit.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Shew</span> your regard to religion, by a distinguishing -respect to all its ministers, of whatever persuasion, who -do not by their lives dishonour their profession; but -never allow them the direction of your consciences lest -they taint you with the narrow spirit of their party.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>The</span> best effect of your religion will be a diffusive -humanity to all in distress.—Set apart a certain proportion -of your income as sacred to charitable purposes. -But in this, as well as in the practice of every -other duty, carefully avoid ostentation. Vanity is always -defeating her own purposes. Fame is one of the -natural rewards of virtue. Do not pursue her, and -she will follow you.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Do</span> not confine your charity to giving money. You -may have many opportunities of shewing a tender and -compassionate spirit where your money is not wanted.—There -is a false and unnatural refinement in sensibility, -which makes some people shun the sight of every -object in distress. Never indulge this, especially -where your friends or acquaintances are concerned. -Let the days of their misfortunes, when the world forgets -or avoids them, be the season for you to exercise -your humanity and friendship. The sight of human -<span class='pageno' id='Page_101'>101</span>misery softens the heart, and makes it better; it -checks the pride of health and prosperity, and the distress -it occasions is amply compensated by the consciousness -of doing your duty, and by the secret endearments -which nature has annexed to all our sympathetic -sorrows.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Women</span> are greatly deceived, when they think they -recommend themselves to our sex by their indifference -about religion. Even those men who are themselves -unbelievers dislike infidelity in you. Every man -who knows human nature, connects a religious taste -in your sex with softness and sensibility of heart; at -least we always consider the want of it as a proof of -that hard and masculine spirit, which of all your -faults we dislike the most. Besides, men consider your -religion as one of their principal securities for that -female virtue in which they are most interested. If a -gentleman pretends an attachment to any of you, and -endeavours to shake your religious principles, be assured -he is either a fool, or has designs on you which -he dares not openly avow.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>You</span> will probably wonder at my having educated -you in a church different from my own. The reason -was plainly this: I looked on the differences between -our churches to be of no real importance, and that a -preference of one to the other was a mere matter of -taste. Your mother was educated in the church of -England, and had an attachment to it, and I had a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_102'>102</span>prejudice in favour of every thing she liked. It never -was her desire that you should be baptized by a clergyman -of the church of England, or be educated in that -church. On the contrary, the delicacy of her regard -to the smallest circumstance that could affect me in the -eye of the world, made her anxiously insist it might be -otherwise. But I could not yield to her in that kind -of generality.—When I lost her, I became still more -determined to educate you in that church, as I feel a -secret pleasure in doing every thing that appears to me -to express my affection and veneration for her memory.—I -draw but a very faint and imperfect picture of -what your mother was, while I endeavour to point -out what you should be.<a id='r2' /><a href='#f2' class='c010'><sup>[2]</sup></a></p> - -<div class='footnote c011' id='f2'> -<p class='c012'><span class='label'><a href='#r2'>2</a>. </span>The reader will remember, that such observations -as respect equally both the sexes are all along as much -as possible avoided.</p> -</div> -<h3 class='c008'>CONDUCT <span class='small'>AND</span> BEHAVIOUR.</h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>One</span> of the chiefest beauties in a female character -is that modest reserve, that retiring delicacy, -which avoids the public eye, and is disconcerted even -at the gaze of admiration.—I do not wish you to be -insensible to applause. If you were, you must become, -if not worse, at least less amiable women. But you -may be dazzled by that admiration, which yet rejoices -your hearts.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_103'>103</span><span class='sc'>When</span> a girl ceases to blush, she has lost the most -powerful charm of beauty. That extreme sensibility -which it indicates, may be a weakness and incumbrance -in our sex, as I have too often felt; but in -yours it is peculiarly engaging. Pedants, who think -themselves philosophers, ask why a woman should blush -when she is conscious of no crime. It is a sufficient -answer, that Nature has made you to blush when you -are guilty of no fault, and has forced us to love you -because you do so.—Blushing is so far from being necessarily -an attendant on guilt, that it is the usual -companion of innocence.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>This</span> modesty, which I think so essential in your -sex, will naturally dispose you to be rather silent in -company, especially in a large one.—People of sense -and discernment will never mistake such silence for -dulness. One may take a share in conversation without -uttering a syllable. The expression in the countenance -shews it, and this never escapes an observing -eye.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I should</span> be glad that you had an easy dignity in -your behaviour at public places, but not that confident -ease, that unabashed countenance, which seems to set -the company at defiance.—If, while a gentleman is -speaking to you, one of superior rank addresses you, -do not let your eager attention and visible preference -betray the flutter of your heart. Let your pride on -this occasion preserve you from that meanness into -which your vanity would sink you. Consider that -<span class='pageno' id='Page_104'>104</span>you expose yourselves to the ridicule of the company, -and affront one gentleman only to swell the triumph of -another, who perhaps thinks he does you honour in -speaking to you.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Converse</span> with men even of the first rank with -that dignified modesty, which may prevent the approach -of the most distant familiarity, and consequently -prevent them from feeling themselves your superiors.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Wit</span> is the most dangerous talent you can possess. -It must be guarded with great discretion and good-nature, -otherwise it will create you many enemies. -It is perfectly consistent with softness and delicacy; -yet they are seldom found united. Wit is so flattering -to vanity, that those who possess it become intoxicated, -and lose all self-command.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Humour</span> is a different quality. It will make your -company much solicited; but be cautious how you -indulge it.—It is often a great enemy to delicacy, -and a still greater one to dignity of character. It -may sometimes gain you applause, but will never procure -you respect.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Be</span> even cautious in displaying your good sense. -It will be thought you assume a superiority over the -rest of the company. But if you happen to have any -learning, keep it a profound secret, especially from -the men, who generally look with a jealous and malignant -<span class='pageno' id='Page_105'>105</span>eye on a woman of great parts, and a cultivated -understanding.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>A man</span> of real genius and candour is far superior -to this meanness. But such a one will seldom fall in -your way; and if by accident he should, do not be -anxious to shew the full extent of your knowledge. If -he has any opportunities of seeing you, he will soon -discover it himself; and if you have any advantages -of person or manner, and keep your own secret, he -will probably give you credit for a great deal more -than you possess.—The great art of pleasing in conversation -consists in making the company pleased with -themselves. You will more readily hear than talk -yourselves into their good graces.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Beware</span> of detraction, especially where your own -sex are concerned. You are generally accused of -being particularly addicted to this vice; I think unjustly.—Men -are fully as guilty of it when their interests -interfere. As your interests more frequently -clash, and as your feelings are quicker than ours, your -temptations to it are more frequent. For this reason, -be particularly tender of the reputation of your own -sex, especially when they happen to rival you in our -regards. We look on this as the strongest proof of -dignity and true greatness of mind.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Shew</span> a compassionate sympathy to unfortunate women, -especially to those who are rendered so by the -villany of men. Indulge a secret pleasure, I may -<span class='pageno' id='Page_106'>106</span>say pride, in being the friends and refuge of the unhappy, -but without the vanity of shewing it.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Consider</span> every species of indelicacy in conversation, -as shameful in itself, and as highly disgusting to us. -All double entendre is of this sort.—The dissoluteness -of men’s education allows them to be diverted with -a kind of wit, which yet they have delicacy enough -to be shocked at, when it comes from your mouths, -or even when you hear it without pain and contempt. -Virgin purity is of that delicate nature, that it cannot -hear certain things without contamination. It is always -in your power to avoid these. No man, but -a brute or a fool, will insult a woman with conversation -which he sees gives her pain; nor will he dare -to do it, if she resent the injury with a becoming -spirit.—There is a dignity in conscious virtue which is -able to awe the most shameless and abandoned of men.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>You</span> will be reproached perhaps with prudery. By -prudery is usually meant an affectation of delicacy. -Now I do not wish you to affect delicacy; I wish you to -possess it. At any rate, it is better to run the risk of -being thought ridiculous than disgusting.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>The</span> men will complain of your reserve. They -will assure you, that a franker behaviour would make -you more amiable. But trust me, they are not sincere -when they tell you so.—I acknowledge, that on some -occasions it might render you more agreeable as companions, -but it would make you less amiable as women; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_107'>107</span>an important distinction which many of your sex -are not aware of.—After all, I wish you to have great -ease and openness in your conversation. I only point -out some considerations which ought to regulate your -behaviour in that respect.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Have</span> a sacred regard to truth. Lying is a mean -and despicable vice.—I have known some women of -excellent parts, who were so much addicted to it, that -they could not be trusted in the relation of any story, -especially if it contained any thing of the marvellous, -or if they themselves were the heroines of the tale. -This weakness did not proceed from a bad heart, but -was merely the effect of vanity, or an unbridled imagination.—I -do not mean to censure that lively embellishment -of a humorous story, which is only intended -to promote innocent mirth.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> is a certain gentleness of spirit and manners -extremely engaging in your sex; not that indiscriminate -attention, that unmeaning simper, which smiles -on all alike. This arises, either from an affectation -of softness, or from perfect insipidity.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> is a species of refinement in luxury, just -beginning to prevail among the gentlemen of this -country, to which our ladies are yet as great strangers -as any women upon earth; I hope, for the honour of -the sex, they may ever continue so: I mean, the -luxury of eating. It is a despicable selfish vice in -men, but in your sex it is beyond expression indelicate -and disgusting.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_108'>108</span><span class='sc'>Every</span> one who remembers a few years back, is -sensible of a very striking change in the attention and -respect formerly paid by the gentlemen to the ladies. -Their drawing-rooms are deserted; and after dinner -and supper, the gentlemen are impatient till they retire. -How they came to lose this respect, which nature -and politeness so well intitle them to, I shall not -here particularly inquire. The revolutions of manners -in any country depend on causes very various -and complicated. I shall only observe, that the behaviour -of the ladies in the last age was very reserved -and stately. It would now be reckoned ridiculously -stiff and formal. Whatever it was, it had certainly -the effect of making them more respected.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>A fine</span> woman, like other fine things in nature, -has her proper point of view, from which she may be -seen to most advantage. To fix this point requires -great judgment, and an intimate knowledge of the -human heart. By the present mode of female manners, -the ladies seem to expect that they shall regain -their ascendancy over us, by the fullest display of their -personal charms, by being always in our eye at public -places, by conversing with us with the same unreserved -freedom as we do with one another; in short, by resembling -us as nearly as they possibly can.—But a -little time and experience will shew the folly of this -expectation and conduct.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>The</span> power of a fine woman over the hearts of men, -men of the finest parts, is even beyond what she -<span class='pageno' id='Page_109'>109</span>conceives. They are sensible of the pleasing illusion, -but they cannot, nor do they wish to dissolve it. But -if she is determined to dispel the charm, it certainly -is in her power: she may soon reduce the angel to -a very ordinary girl.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> is a native dignity, an ingenuous modesty -to be expected in your sex, which is your natural protection -from the familiarities of the men, and which -you should feel previous to the reflection that it is -your interest to keep yourselves sacred from all personal -freedoms. The many nameless charms and -endearments of beauty should be reserved to bless the -arms of the happy man to whom you give your heart, -but who, if he has the least delicacy, will despise them, -if he knows that they have been prostituted to fifty -men before him.—The sentiment, that a woman may -allow all innocent freedoms, provided her virtue is -secure, is both grossly indelicate and dangerous, and -has proved fatal to many of your sex.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Let</span> me now recommend to your attention that -elegance, which is not so much a quality itself, as -the high polish of every other. It is what diffuses an -ineffable grace over every look, every motion, every -sentence you utter. It gives that charm to beauty -without which it generally fails to please. It is partly -a personal quality, in which respect it is the gift of -nature; but I speak of it principally as a quality of -the mind. In a word, it is the perfection of taste in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_110'>110</span>life and manners;—every virtue and every excellence, -in their most graceful and amiable forms.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>You</span> may perhaps think that I want to throw every -spark of nature out of your composition, and to make -you entirely artificial. Far from it. I wish you to -possess the most perfect simplicity of heart and manners. -I think you may possess dignity without pride, -affability without meanness, and simple elegance -without affectation. Milton had my idea, when he -says of Eve,</p> - -<p class='c006'><i>Grace was in all her steps, Heaven in her eye, In every -gesture dignity and love.</i></p> -<h3 class='c008'>AMUSEMENTS.</h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>Every</span> period of life has amusements which -are natural and proper to it. You may indulge -the variety of your tastes in these, while you keep -within the bounds of that propriety which is suitable -to your sex.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Some</span> amusements are conducive to health, as various -kinds of exercise: some are connected with -qualities really useful, as different kinds of women’s -work, and all the domestic concerns of a family: some -are elegant accomplishments, as dress, dancing, music, -and drawing. Such books as improve your understanding, -enlarge your knowledge, and cultivate your -taste, may be considered in a higher point of view -<span class='pageno' id='Page_111'>111</span>than mere amusements. There are a variety of others, -which are neither useful nor ornamental, such as play -of different kinds.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I would</span> particularly recommend to you those exercises -that oblige you to be much abroad in the open -air, such as walking, and riding on horse back. This -will give vigour to your constitutions, and a bloom to -your complexions. If you accustom yourselves to go -abroad always in chairs and carriages, you will soon -become so enervated, as to be unable to go out of doors -without them. They are like most articles of luxury, -useful and agreeable when judiciously used; but when -made habitual, they become both insipid and pernicious.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>An</span> attention to your health is a duty you owe to -yourselves and to your friends. Bad health seldom -fails to have an influence on the spirits and temper. -The finest geniuses, the most delicate minds, have -very frequently a correspondent delicacy of bodily -constitutions, which they are too apt to neglect. -Their luxury lies in reading and late hours, equal -enemies to health and beauty.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>But</span> though good health be one of the greatest -blessings of life, never make a boast of it, but enjoy it -in grateful silence. We so naturally associate the idea -of female softness and delicacy with a correspondent -delicacy of constitution, that when a woman speaks of -her great strength, her extraordinary appetite, her -<span class='pageno' id='Page_112'>112</span>ability to bear excessive fatigue, we recoil at the description -in a way she is little aware of.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>The</span> intention of your being taught needlework, -knitting, and such like, is not on account of the intrinsic -value of all you can do with your hands, which -is trifling, but to enable you to judge more perfectly -of that kind of work, and to direct the execution of it -in others. Another principal end is to enable you to -fill up, in a tolerably agreeable way, some of the many -solitary hours you must necessarily pass at home. It -is a great article in the happiness of life, to have your -pleasures as independent of others as possible. By -continually gadding abroad in search of amusement, -you lose the respect of all your acquaintances, whom -you oppress with those visits, which, by a more discreet -management, might have been courted.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>The</span> domestic economy of a family is entirely a -woman’s province, and furnishes a variety of subjects -for the exertion both of good sense and good taste. If -you ever come to have the charge of a family, it ought -to engage much of your time and attention; nor can -you be excused from this by any extent of fortune, -though with a narrow one the ruin that follows the -neglect of it may be more immediate.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I am</span> at the greatest loss what to advise you in regard -to books. There is no impropriety in your -reading history, or cultivating any art or science to -which genius or accident leads you. The whole volume -<span class='pageno' id='Page_113'>113</span>of Nature lies open to your eye, and furnishes -an infinite variety of entertainment. If I was sure -that nature had given you such strong principles of -taste and sentiment as would remain with you, and -influence your future conduct, with the utmost pleasure -would I endeavour to direct your reading in such -a way as might form that taste to the utmost perfection -of truth and elegance. “But when I reflect how easy -it is to warm a girl’s imagination, and how difficult -deeply and permanently to affect her heart; how readily -she enters into every refinement of sentiment, and -how easily she can sacrifice them to vanity or convenience;” -I think I may very probably do you an injury by -artificially creating a taste, which, if Nature never gave -it you, would only serve to embarrass your future -conduct.—I do not want to <i>make</i> you any thing: I want -to know what Nature has made you, and to perfect -you on her plan. I do not wish you to have sentiments -that might perplex you: I wish you to have sentiments -that may uniformly and steadily guide you, and -such as your hearts so thoroughly approve, that you -would not forego them for any consideration this world -could offer.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Dress</span> is an important article in female life. The -love of dress is natural to you, and therefore it is proper -and reasonable. Good sense will regulate your -expence in it, and good taste will direct you to dress -in such a way as to conceal any blemishes, and set off -<span class='pageno' id='Page_114'>114</span>your beauties, if you have any, to the greatest advantage. -But much delicacy and judgement are required in the -application of this rule. A fine woman shews her -charms to most advantage, when she seems most to -conceal them. The finest bosom in nature is not so -fine as what imagination forms. The most perfect -elegance of dress appears always the most easy, and -the least studied.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Do</span> not confine your attention to dress to your public -appearances. Accustom yourselves to an habitual -neatness, so that in the most careless undress, in your -unguarded hours, you may have no reason to be ashamed -of your appearance.—You will not easily believe -how much we consider your dress as expressive of your -characters. Vanity, levity, slovenliness, folly, appear -through it. An elegant simplicity is an equal -proof of taste and delicacy.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> dancing, the principal points you are to attend -to are ease and grace. I would have you to dance -with spirit; but never allow yourselves to be so far -transported with mirth, as to forget the delicacy of -your sex.—Many a girl dancing in the gaiety and -innocence of her heart, is thought to discover a spirit -she little dreams of.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I know</span> no entertainment that gives such pleasure -to any person of sentiment or humour, as the theatre. -But I am sorry to say, there are few English comedies -a lady can see, without a shock to delicacy. You will -<span class='pageno' id='Page_115'>115</span>not readily suspect the comments gentlemen make on -your behaviour on such occasions. Men are often best -acquainted with the most worthless of your sex, and -from them too readily form their judgment of the rest. -A virtuous girl often hears very indelicate things with -a countenance no wise embarrassed, because in truth -she does not understand them. Yet this is, most ungenerously, -ascribed to that command of features, and -that ready presence of mind, which you are thought -to possess in a degree far beyond us; or, by still more -malignant observers, it is ascribed to hardened effrontery.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Sometimes</span> a girl laughs with all the simplicity of -unsuspecting innocence, for no other reason but being -infected with other people’s laughing: she is then -believed to know more than she should do.—If she -does happen to understand an improper thing, she -suffers a very complicated distress: she feels her modesty -hurt in the most sensible manner, and at the same -time is ashamed of appearing conscious of the injury. -The only way to avoid these inconveniencies, is never -to go to a play that is particularly offensive to delicacy.—Tragedy -subjects you to no such distress.—Its -sorrows will soften and ennoble your hearts.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I need</span> say little about gaming, the ladies in this -country being as yet almost strangers to it. It is a -ruinous and incurable vice; and as it leads to all the -selfish and turbulent passions, is peculiarly odious in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_116'>116</span>your sex. I have no objection to your playing a little -at any kind of game, as a variety in your amusements, -provided that what you can possibly lose is such a trifle -as can neither interest nor hurt you.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> this, as well as in all important points of conduct, -shew a determined resolution and steadiness. -This is not in the least inconsistent with that softness -and gentleness so amiable in your sex. On the contrary, -it gives that spirit to a mild and sweet disposition, -without which it is apt to degenerate into insipidity. -It makes you respectable in your own eyes, -and dignifies you in ours.</p> -<h3 class='c008'>FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, MARRIAGE.</h3> - -<p class='c009'><span class='sc'>The</span> luxury and dissipation that prevail in genteel -life, as they corrupt the heart in many respects, -so they render it incapable of warm, sincere, -and steady friendship. A happy choice of friends will -be of the utmost consequence to you, as they may assist -you by their advice and good offices. But the immediate -gratification which friendship affords to a warm, -open and ingenuous heart, is of itself a sufficient motive -to court it.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> the choice of your friends, have principal -regard to goodness of heart and fidelity. If they -also possess taste and genius, that will still make them -more agreeable and useful companions. You have -particular reason to place confidence in those who -<span class='pageno' id='Page_117'>117</span>have shewn affection for you in your early days, when -you were incapable of making them any return. -This is an obligation for which you cannot be too -grateful: When you read this, you will naturally -think of your mother’s friend, to whom you owe so -much.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span> you have the good fortune to meet with any who -deserve the name of friends, unbosom yourself to -them with the most unsuspicious confidence. It is -one of the world’s maxims, never to trust any person -with a secret, the discovery of which could give you -any pain; but it is the maxim of a little mind and -a cold heart, unless where it is the effect of frequent -disappointments and bad usage. An open temper, if -restrained but by tolerable prudence, will make you, -on the whole, much happier than a reserved suspicious -one, although you may sometimes suffer by it. Coldness -and distrust are but the too certain consequences -of age and experience; but they are unpleasant feelings, -and need not be anticipated before their time.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>But</span> however open you may be in talking of your -own affairs, never disclose the secrets of one friend to -another. These are sacred deposites, which do not -belong to you, nor have you any right to make use -of them.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> is another case, in which I suspect it is -proper to be secret, not so much from motives of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_118'>118</span>prudence, as delicacy. I mean in love matters. -Though a woman has no reason to be ashamed of an -attachment to a man of merit, yet nature, whose -authority is superior to philosophy, has annexed a -sense of shame to it. It is even long before a woman -of delicacy dares avow to her own heart that she -loves; and when all the subterfuges of ingenuity to -conceal it from herself fail, she feels a violence done -both to her pride and to her modesty. This, I should -imagine, must always be the case where she is not sure -of a return to her attachment.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> such a situation, to lay the heart open to any -person whatever, does not appear to me consistent -with the perfection of female delicacy. But perhaps -I am in the wrong.—At the same time I must tell -you, that, in point of prudence, it concerns you to -attend well to the consequences of such a discovery. -These secrets, however important in your own estimation, -may appear very trifling to your friend, who -possibly will not enter into your feelings, but may -rather consider them as a subject of pleasantry. For -this reason, love-secrets are of all others the worst -kept. But the consequences to you may be very -serious, as no man of spirit and delicacy ever valued -a heart much hackneyed in the ways of love.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span>, therefore, you must have a friend to pour out -your heart to, be sure of her honour and secrecy. -Let her not be a married woman, especially if she -<span class='pageno' id='Page_119'>119</span>lives happily with her husband, There are certain -unguarded moments, in which such a woman, though -the best and worthiest of her sex, may let hints escape, -which at other times, or to any other person than her -husband, she would be incapable of; nor will a husband -in this case feel himself under the same obligation -of secrecy and honour, as if you had put your -confidence originally in himself, especially on a subject -which the world is apt to treat so lightly.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span> all other circumstances are equal, there are obvious -advantages in your making friends of one another. -The ties of blood, and your being so much -united in one common interest, form an additional -bond of union to your friendship. If your brothers -should have the good fortune to have hearts susceptible -of friendship, to possess truth, honour, sense, and -delicacy of sentiment, they are the fittest and most -unexceptionable confidants. By placing confidence -in them, you will receive every advantage which you -could hope for from the friendship of men, without -any of the inconveniencies that attend such connexions -with our sex.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Beware</span> of making confidants of your servants. -Dignity not properly understood very readily degenerates -into pride, which enters into no friendships, -because it cannot bear an equal, and is so fond of -flattery as to grasp at it even from servants and dependants. -The most intimate confidants, therefore, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_120'>120</span>of proud people are valets-de-chamber and waiting -women. Shew the utmost humanity to your servants; -make their situation as comfortable to them -as is possible: but if you make them your confidants, -you spoil them, and debase yourselves.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Never</span> allow any person, under the pretended -sanction of friendship, to be so familiar as to lose a -proper respect for you. Never allow them to tease -you on any subject that is disagreeable, or where you -have once taken your resolution. Many will tell -you, that this reserve is inconsistent with the freedom -which friendship allows. But a certain respect is as -necessary in friendship as in love. Without it, you -may be liked as a child, but you will never be beloved -as an equal.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>The</span> temper and dispositions of the heart in your -sex make you enter more readily and warmly into -friendships than men. Your natural propensity to -it is so strong, that you often run into intimacies -which you soon have sufficient cause to repent of; -and this makes your friendships so very fluctuating.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Another</span> great obstacle to the sincerity as well -as steadiness of your friendships is the great clashing -of your interests in the pursuits of love, ambition, -or vanity. For these reasons, it should appear at -first view more eligible for you to contract your -friendships with the men. Among other obvious -advantages of an easy intercourse between the two -<span class='pageno' id='Page_121'>121</span>sexes, it occasions an emulation and exertion in each -to excel and be agreeable: hence their respective excellencies -are mutually communicated and blended.—As -their interests in no degree interfere, there can be -no foundation for jealousy or suspicion of rivalship. -The friendship of a man for a woman is always blended -with a tenderness, which he never feels for one of his -own sex, even where love is in no degree concerned. -Besides we are conscious of a natural title you have to -our protection and good offices, and therefore we feel -an additional obligation of honour to serve you, and -to observe an inviolable secrecy, whenever you confide -in us.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>But</span> apply these observations with great caution. -Thousands of women of the best hearts and finest parts -have been ruined by men who approached them under -the specious name of friendship. But supposing a -man to have the most undoubted honour, yet his -friendship to a woman is so near a-kin to love, that if -she be very agreeable in her person, she will probably -very soon find a lover, where she only wished to meet -a friend. Let me here, however, warn you against -that weakness so common among vain women, the -imagination that every man who takes particular notice -of you is a lover. Nothing can expose you more to -ridicule, than the taking up a man on the suspicion of -being your lover, who perhaps never once thought of -you in that view, and giving yourselves those airs so -common among silly women on such occasions.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_122'>122</span><span class='sc'>There</span> is a kind of unmeaning gallantry much -practised by some men, which, if you have any discernment, -you will find really harmless. Men of this sort -will attend you to public places, and be useful to you -by a number of little observances, which those of a superior -class do not so well understand, or have not leisure -to regard, or perhaps are too proud to submit to. -Look on the compliments of such men as words of -course, which they repeat to every agreeable woman of -their acquaintance. There is a familiarity they are -apt to assume, which a proper dignity in your behaviour -will be easily able to check.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> is a different species of men whom you may -like as agreeable companions, men of worth, taste and -genius, whose conversation, in some respects, may be -superior to what you generally meet with among your -own sex. It will be foolish in you to deprive yourselves -of an useful and agreeable acquaintance, merely -because idle people say he is your lover. Such a man -may like your company, without having any design on -your person.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>People</span> whose sentiments, and particularly whose -tastes correspond, naturally like to associate together, -although neither of them have the most distant view -of any further connexion. But as this similarity of -minds often gives rise to a more tender attachment -than friendship, it will be prudent to keep a watchful -eye over yourselves, lest your hearts become too far -<span class='pageno' id='Page_123'>123</span>engaged before you are aware of it. At the same -time, I do not think that your sex, at least in this part -of the world, have much of that sensibility which disposes -to such attachments. What is commonly called -love among you is rather gratitude, and a partiality to -the man who prefers you to the rest of your sex; and -such a man you often marry, with little of either personal -esteem or affection. Indeed, without an unusual -share of natural sensibility, and very peculiar good -fortune, a woman in this country has very little probability -of marrying for love.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>It</span> is a maxim laid down among you, and a very -prudent one it is. That love is not to begin on your -part, but is entirely to be the consequence of our attachment -to you. Now, supposing a woman to have -sense and taste, she will not find many men to whom -she can possibly be supposed to bear any considerable -share of esteem. Among these few, it is a very great -chance if any of them distinguishes her particularly. -Love, at least with us, is exceedingly capricious, and -will not always fix where reason says it should. But -supposing one of them should become particularly attached -to her, it is still extremely improbable that he -should be the man in the world her heart most approved -of.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>As</span>, therefore, Nature has not given you that unlimited -range in your choice which we enjoy, she has -wisely and benevolently assigned to you a greater flexibility -of taste on this subject. Some agreeable qualities -<span class='pageno' id='Page_124'>124</span>recommend a gentleman to your common good -liking and friendship. In the course of his acquaintance, -he contracts an attachment to you. When you -perceive it, it excites your gratitude; this gratitude -rises into a preference, and this preference perhaps at -last advances to some degree of attachment, especially -if it meets with crosses and difficulties, for these, and -a state of suspense, are very great incitements to attachment, -and are the food of love in both sexes. If attachment -was not excited in your sex in this manner, -there is not one of a million of you that could ever -marry with any degree of love.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>A man</span> of taste and delicacy marries a woman because -he loves her more than any other. A woman of -equal taste and delicacy marries him because she -esteems him, and because he gives her that preference. -But if a man unfortunately becomes attached to a woman -whose heart is secretly pre-engaged, his attachment, -instead of obtaining a suitable return, is particularly -offensive; and if he persists to teaze her, he -makes himself equally the object of her scorn and -aversion.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>The</span> effects of love among men are diversified by -their different tempers. An artful man may counterfeit -every one of them so as easily to impose on a -young girl of an open, generous, and feeling heart, if -she is not extremely on her guard. The finest parts in -such a girl may not always prove sufficient for her security. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_125'>125</span>The dark and crooked paths of cunning are -unsearchable, and inconceivable to an honourable and -elevated mind.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>The</span> following, I apprehend, are the most genuine -effects of an honourable passion among the men, and -the most difficult to counterfeit. A man of delicacy -often betrays his passion by his too great anxiety to -conceal it, especially if he has little hopes of success. -True love, in all its stages, seeks concealment, and -never expects success. It renders a man not only respectful, -but timid to the highest degree in his behaviour -to the woman he loves. To conceal the awe he -stands in of her, he may sometimes affect pleasantry, -but it sits aukwardly on him, and he quickly relapses -into seriousness, if not into dulness. He magnifies all -her real perfections in his imagination, and is either -blind to her failings, or converts them into beauties. -Like a person conscious of guilt, he is jealous that -every eye observes him; and to avoid this, he shuns -all the little observances of common gallantry.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>His</span> heart and his character will be improved in -every respect by his attachment. His manners will -become more gentle, and his conversation more agreeable; -but diffidence and embarrassment will always -make him appear to disadvantage in the company of -his mistress. If the fascination continue long, it will -totally depress his spirit, and extinguish every active, -vigorous and manly principle of his mind. You will -<span class='pageno' id='Page_126'>126</span>find this subject beautifully and pathetically painted -in Thomson’s Spring.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>When</span> you observe in a gentleman’s behaviour -these marks which I have described above, reflect seriously -what you are to do. If his attachment is -agreeable to you, I leave you to do as nature, good -sense, and delicacy shall direct you. If you love him -let me advise you never to discover to him the full extent -of your love, no not although you marry him. -That sufficiently shews your preference, which is all -he is entitled to know. If he has delicacy, he will ask -for no stronger proof of your affection for your sake; -if he has sense, he will not ask it for his own. This -is an unpleasant truth, but it is my duty to let you -know it; violent love cannot subsist, at least cannot -be expressed, for any time together, on both sides; -otherwise the certain consequence, however concealed, -is satiety and disgust. Nature in this case has laid -the reserve on you.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span> you see evident proofs of a gentleman’s attachment, -and are determined to shut your heart against -him, as you ever hope to be used with generosity by -the person who shall engage your own heart, treat him -honourably and humanely. Do not let him linger in -a miserable suspense, but be anxious to let him know -your sentiments with regard to him.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>However</span> people’s hearts may deceive them, there -is scarcely a person that can love for any time without -<span class='pageno' id='Page_127'>127</span>at least some distant hope of success. If you really -wish to undeceive a lover, you may do it in a variety -of ways. There is a certain species of easy familiarity -in your behaviour, which may satisfy him, if he has -any discernment left, that he has nothing to hope for. -But perhaps your particular temper may not admit of -this.—You may easily shew that you want to avoid -his company; but if he is a man whose friendship you -wish to preserve, you may not chuse this method, because -then you lose him in every capacity.—You may -get a common friend to explain matters to him, or -fall on many other devices, if you are seriously anxious -to put him out of suspense.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>But</span> if you are resolved against every such method, -at least do not shun opportunities of letting him explain -himself. If you do this, you act barbarously -and unjustly. If he brings you to an explanation, -give him a polite, but resolute and decisive answer. -In whatever way you convey your sentiments to him, -if he is a man of spirit and delicacy, he will give you -no further trouble, nor apply to your friends for their -intercession. This last is a method of courtship which -every man of spirit will disdain.—He will never whine -nor sue for your pity. That would mortify him almost -as much as your scorn. In short, you may possibly -break such a heart, but you cannot bend it.—Great -pride always accompanies delicacy, however -concealed under the appearance of the utmost gentleness -<span class='pageno' id='Page_128'>128</span>and modesty, and is the passion of all others the -most difficult to conquer.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> is a case where a woman may coquette -justifiably to the utmost verge which her conscience -will allow. It is where a gentleman purposely declines -to make his addresses, till such time as he thinks -himself perfectly sure of her consent. This at bottom -is intended to force a woman to give up the undoubted -privilege of her sex, the privilege of her refusing; -it is intended to force her to explain herself, in effect, -before the gentleman deigns to do it, and by this -mean to oblige her to violate the modesty and delicacy -of her sex, and to invert the clearest order of nature. -All this sacrifice is proposed to be made merely -to gratify a most despicable vanity in a man who -would degrade the very woman whom he wishes to -make his wife.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>It</span> is of great importance to distinguish, whether a -gentleman who has the appearance of being your lover -delays to speak explicitly, from the motive I have -mentioned, or from a diffidence inseparable from true -attachment. In the one case, you can scarcely use -him too ill: in the other, you ought to use him with -great kindness: and the greatest kindness you can -shew him, if you are determined not to listen to his -addresses, is to let him know it as soon as possible.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I know</span> the many excuses with which women endeavour -to justify themselves to the world, and to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_129'>129</span>their own consciences, when they act otherwise. -Sometimes they plead ignorance, or at least uncertainty, -of the gentleman’s real sentiments. That may -sometimes be the case. Sometimes they plead the -decorums of their sex, which enjoin an equal behaviour -to all men, and forbid them to consider any man -as a lover, till he has directly told them so.—Perhaps -few women carry their ideas of female delicacy and -decorum so far as I do. But I must say, you are not -entitled to plead the obligation of these virtues, in -opposition to the superior ones of gratitude, justice, -and humanity. The man is entitled to all these, who -prefers you to the rest of your sex, and perhaps whose -greatest weakness is this very preference. The truth of -the matter is, vanity, and the love of admiration, are -so prevailing passions among you, that you may be -considered to make a very great sacrifice whenever you -give up a lover, till every art of coquetry fails to keep -him, or till he forces you to an explanation. You -can be fond of the love, when you are indifferent to, -or even when you despise the lover.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>But</span> the deepest and most artful coquetry is employed -by women of superior taste and sense, to engage -and fix the heart of a man whom the world and -whom they themselves esteem, although they are firmly -determined never to marry him. But his conversation -amuses them, and his attachment is the highest -gratification to their vanity; nay, they can sometimes -<span class='pageno' id='Page_130'>130</span>be gratified with the utter ruin of his fortune, fame, -and happiness.—God forbid I should ever think so of -all your sex. I know many of them have principles, -have generosity and dignity of soul that elevates them -above the worthless vanity I have been speaking of.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Such</span> a woman, I am persuaded, may always convert -a lover, if she cannot give him her affections, into -a warm and steady friend, provided he is a man of -sense, resolution, and candour. If she explains herself -to him with a generous openness and freedom, he -must feel the stroke as a man; but he will likewise -bear it as a man: what he suffers he will suffer in silence. -Every sentiment of esteem will remain; but -love though it requires very little food, and is easily -surfeited with too much, yet it requires some. He -will view her in the light of a married woman; and -though passion subsides, yet a man of a candid and -generous heart always retains a tenderness for a woman -he has once loved, and who has used him well, -beyond what he feels for any other of her sex.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span> he has not confided his own secret to any body, -he has an undoubted title to ask you not to divulge it. -If a woman chuses to trust any of her companions -with her own unfortunate attachments, she may, as it -is her own affair alone: but if she has any generosity -or gratitude, she will not betray a secret which does -not belong to her.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Male</span> coquetry is much more inexcusable than female, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_131'>131</span>as well as more pernicious; but it is rare in this -country. Very few men will give themselves the trouble -to gain or retain any woman’s affections, unless they -have views on her either of an honourable or dishonourable -kind. Men employed in the pursuits of business, -ambition, or pleasure, will not give themselves -the trouble to engage a woman’s affections merely from -the vanity of conquest, and of triumphing over the -heart of an innocent and defenceless girl. Besides, -people never value much what is entirely in their power. -A man of parts, sentiment, and address, if he lays -aside all regard to truth and humanity, may engage the -hearts of fifty women at the same time, and may likewise -conduct his coquetry with so much art, as to put it -out of the power of any of them to specify a single expression -that could be said to be directly expressive of -love.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>This</span> ambiguity of behaviour, this art of keeping -one in suspense, is the great secret of coquetry in both -sexes. It is the more cruel in us, because we can carry -it what length we please, and continue it as long as we -please, without your being so much as at liberty to complain -or expostulate; whereas we can break our chain, -and force you to explain, whenever we become impatient -of our situation.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I have</span> insisted the more particularly on this subject -of courtship, because it may most readily happen to you -at that early period of life when you can have little -<span class='pageno' id='Page_132'>132</span>experience or knowledge of the world, when your -passions are warm, and your judgments not arrived at -such full maturity as to be able to correct them.—I -wish you to possess such high principles of honour and -generosity as will render you incapable of deceiving, -and at the same time to possess that acute discernment -which may secure you against being deceived.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>A woman</span>, in this country, may easily prevent the -first impressions of love, and every motive of prudence -and delicacy should make her guard her heart against -them, till such time as she has received the most convincing -proof of the attachment of a man of such -merit, as will justify a reciprocal regard. Your hearts -indeed may be shut inflexibly and permanently against -all the merit a man can possess. That may be your -misfortune, but cannot be your fault. In such a situation, -you would be equally unjust to yourself and -your lover, if you gave him your hand when your -heart revolted against him. But miserable will be your -fate, if you allow an attachment to steal on you before -you are sure of a return; or, what is infinitely worse, -where there are wanting those qualities which alone -can ensure happiness in a married state.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I know</span> nothing that renders a woman more despicable, -than her thinking it essential to happiness to be -married. Besides the gross indelicacy of the sentiment, -it is a false one, as thousands of women have experienced. -But if it was true, the belief that it is so, and -the consequent impatience to be married, is the most -effectual way to prevent it.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_133'>133</span><span class='sc'>You</span> must not think from this, that I do not wish -you to marry. On the contrary, I am of opinion, that -you may attain a superior degree of happiness in a -married state, to what you can possibly find in any -other. I know the forlorn and unprotected situation -of an old maid, the chagrin and peevishness which are -apt to infect their tempers, and the great difficulty of -making a transition with dignity and chearfulness -from the period of youth, beauty, admiration, and -respect, into the calm, silent, unnoticed retreat of -declining years.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I see</span> some unmarried women of active, vigorous -minds, and great vivacity of spirits, degrading themselves; -sometimes by entering into a dissipated course -of life, unsuitable to their years, and exposing themselves -to the ridicule of girls, who might have been -their grand-children; sometimes by oppressing their -acquaintances by impertinent intrusions into their -private affairs; and sometimes by being the propagators -of scandal and defamation. All this is owing to -an exuberant activity of spirit, which if it had found -employment at home, would have rendered them respectable -and useful members of society.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I see</span> other women in the same situation, gentle, -modest, blessed with sense, taste, delicacy, and every -milder feminine virtue of the heart, but of weak -spirits, bashful and timid: I see such women sinking -into obscurity and insignificance, and gradually losing -<span class='pageno' id='Page_134'>134</span>every elegant accomplishment; for this evident reason, -that they are not united to a partner who has -sense, and worth, and taste, to know their value; one -who is able to draw forth their concealed qualities, -and shew them to advantage; who can give that support -to their feeble spirits which they stand so much -in need of; and who, by his affection and tenderness, -might make such a woman happy in exerting every -talent, and accomplishing herself in every elegant art -that could contribute to his amusement.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>In</span> short, I am of opinion, that a married state, if -entered into from proper motives of esteem and affection, -will be the happiest for yourselves, and make -you most respectable in the eyes of the world, and -the most useful members of society. But I confess I -am not enough of a patriot to wish you to marry for -the good of the public. I wish you to marry for no -other reason but to make yourselves happier. When -I am so particular in my advices about your conduct, -I own my heart beats with the fond hope of making -you worthy the attachment of men who will deserve -you, and be sensible of your merit. But heaven forbid -you should ever relinquish the ease and independence -of a single life, to become the slaves of a fool, or a -tyrant’s caprice.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>As</span> these have been always my sentiments, I shall -do you but justice, when I leave you in such independent -circumstances as may lay you under no temptation -<span class='pageno' id='Page_135'>135</span>to do from necessity what you would never do -from choice.—This will likewise save you from that -cruel mortification to a woman of spirit, the suspicion -that a gentleman thinks he does you an honour or a -favour when he asks you for his wife.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span> I live till you arrive at that age when you shall -be capable to judge for yourselves, and do not strangely -alter my sentiments, I shall act towards you in a very -different manner from what most parents do. My -opinion has always been, that when that period arrives, -the parental authority ceases.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I hope</span> I shall always treat you with that affection -and easy confidence which may dispose you to look -on me as your friend. In that capacity alone I shall -think myself entitled to give you my opinion; in -the doing of which, I should think myself highly -criminal, if I did not to the utmost of my power endeavour -to divest myself of all personal vanity, and -all prejudices in favour of my particular taste. If -you did not chuse to follow my advice, I should not -on that account cease to love you as my children.—Though -my right to your obedience was expired, yet -I should think nothing could release me from the ties -of nature and humanity.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>You</span> may perhaps imagine, that the reserved behaviour -which I recommend to you, and your appearing -seldom at public places, must cut off all opportunities -of your being acquainted with gentlemen. I am very -<span class='pageno' id='Page_136'>136</span>far from intending this. I advise you to no reserve, -but what will render you more respected and beloved -by our sex. I do not think public places suited to -make people acquainted together. They can only be -distinguished there by their looks and external behaviour. -But it is in private companies alone where you -can expect easy and agreeable conversation, which I -should never wish you to decline. If you do not allow -gentlemen to become acquainted with you, you can never -expect to marry with attachment on either side.—Love -is very seldom produced at first sight; at least -it must have, in that case, a very unjustifiable foundation. -True love is founded on esteem, in a correspondence -of tastes and sentiments, and steals on the heart -imperceptibly.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>There</span> is one advice I shall leave you, to which I -beg your particular attention: Before your affections -come to be in the least engaged to any man, examine -your tempers, your tastes, and your hearts, very severely, -and settle in your own minds, what are the requisites -to your happiness in a married state; and as it is -almost impossible that you should get every thing you -wish, come to a steady determination what you are to -consider as essential, and what may be sacrificed.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span> you have hearts disposed by nature for love and -friendship, and possess those feelings which enable you -to enter into all the refinements and delicacies of these -attachments, consider well, for heaven’s sake, and as -<span class='pageno' id='Page_137'>137</span>you value your future happiness, before you give them -any indulgence. If you have the misfortune (for a very -great misfortune it commonly is to your sex) to have -such a temper and such sentiments deeply rooted in -you, if you have spirit and resolution to resist the solicitations -of vanity, the persecution of friends (for you -will have lost the only friend that would never persecute -you) and can support the prospect of the many inconveniencies -attending the state of an old maid, which -I formerly pointed out, then you may indulge yourselves -in that kind of sentimental reading and conversation -which is most correspondent to your feelings.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>But</span> if you find, on a strict self-examination, that -marriage is absolutely essential to your happiness, keep -the secret inviolable in your own bosoms, for the reason -I formerly mentioned; but shun as you would do -the most fatal poison, all that species of reading and -conversation which warms the imagination, which engages -and softens the heart, and raises the taste above the -level of common life. If you do otherwise, consider -the terrible conflict of passions this may afterwards -raise in your breasts.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span> this refinement once takes deep root in your minds, -and you do not obey its dictates, but marry from vulgar -and mercenary views, you may never be able to -eradicate it entirely, and then it will imbitter all your -married days. Instead of meeting with sense, delicacy, -tenderness, a lover, a friend, an equal companion, in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_138'>138</span>a husband, you may be tired with insipidity and dullness; -shocked with indelicacy, or mortified by indifference. -You will find none to compassionate, or even -understand your sufferings; for your husbands may not -use you cruelly, and may give you as much money for -your clothes, personal expense, and domestic necessaries, -as is suitable to their fortunes. The world therefore -would look on you as unreasonable women, and that -did not deserve to be happy, if you were not so.—To -avoid these complicated evils, if you are determined -at all events to marry, I would advise you to make all -your reading and amusements of such a kind, as do not -affect the heart nor the imagination, except in the -way of wit or humour.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I have</span> no view by these advices to lead your tastes; -I only want to persuade you of the necessity of knowing -your own minds, which, though seemingly very -easy, is what your sex seldom attain on many important -occasions in life, but particularly on this of which I am -speaking. There is not a quality I more anxiously -wish you to possess, than that collected decisive spirit -which rests on itself, which enables you to see where -your true happiness lies, and to pursue it with the most -determined resolution. In matters of business, follow -the advice of those who know them better than yourselves, -and in whose integrity you can confide; but in -matters of taste, that depend on your own feelings, -consult no one friend whatever, but consult your own -hearts.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_139'>139</span><span class='sc'>If</span> a gentleman makes his addresses to you, or gives -you reason to believe he will do so, before you allow -your affections to be engaged, endeavour in the most -prudent and secret manner, to procure from your friends -every necessary piece of information concerning him; -such as his character for sense, his morals, his temper, -fortune and family; whether it is distinguished for -parts and worth, or for folly, knavery, and loathsome -hereditary diseases. When your friends inform you -of these, they have fulfilled their duty. If they go -further, they have not that deference for you which -a becoming dignity on your part would effectually -command.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Whatever</span> your views are in marrying, take every -possible precaution to prevent their being disappointed. -If fortune, and the pleasures it brings, are your -aim, it is not sufficient that the settlements of a jointure -and children’s provisions be ample, and properly -secured; it is necessary that you should enjoy the fortune -during your own life. The principal security you -can have for this will depend on your marrying a good-natured -generous man, who despises money, and who -will let you live where you can best enjoy that pleasure, -that pomp and parade of life for which you married -him.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>From</span> what I have said, you will easily see that I -could never pretend to advise whom you should marry; -but I can with great confidence advise whom you -should not marry.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='pageno' id='Page_140'>140</span><span class='sc'>Avoid</span> a companion that may entail any hereditary -disease on your posterity, particularly (that most dreadful -of all human calamities) madness. It is the height -of imprudence to run into such a danger, and in my -opinion, highly criminal.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Do</span> not marry a fool; he is the most intractable of -all animals; he is led by his passions and caprices, -and is incapable of hearing the voice of reason. It -may probably too hurt your vanity to have husbands -for whom you have reason to blush and tremble every -time they open their lips in company. But the worst -circumstance, that attends a fool, is his constant jealousy -of his wife being thought to govern him. This -renders it impossible to lead him, and he is continually -doing absurd and disagreeable things, for no other -reason but to shew he dares do them.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>A rake</span> is always a suspicious husband, because -he has only known the most worthless of your sex. -He likewise entails the worst diseases on his wife and -children, if he has the misfortune to have any.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span> you have a sense of religion yourselves, do not -think of husbands who have none. If they have tolerable -understandings, they will be glad that you have -religion, for their own sakes, and for the sake of their -families; but it will sink you in their esteem. If they -are weak men, they will be continually teazing and -shocking you about your principles.—If you have -children, you will suffer the most bitter distress, in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_141'>141</span>seeing all your endeavours to form their minds to virtue -and piety, all your endeavours to secure their present -and eternal happiness frustrated, and turned into -ridicule.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>As</span> I look on your choice of a husband to be of the -greatest consequence to your happiness, I hope you -will make it with the utmost circumspection. Do not -give way to a sudden sally of passion, and dignify it -with the name of love.—Genuine love is not founded -in caprice; it is founded in nature, on honourable -views, on virtue, on similarity of tastes and sympathy -of souls.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>If</span> you have these sentiments, you will never marry -any one, when you are not in that situation, in point -of fortune, which is necessary to the happiness of either -of you. What that competency may be, can only be -determined by your own tastes. It would be ungenerous -in you to take advantage of a lover’s attachment, -to plunge him into distress; and if he has any honour, -no personal gratification will ever tempt him to enter -into any connection which will render you unhappy. -If you have as much between you as to satisfy all your -reasonable demands, it is sufficient.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I shall</span> conclude with endeavouring to remove -a difficulty which must naturally occur to any woman -of reflection on the subject of marriage. What is to -become of all these refinements of delicacy, that dignity -of manners, which checked all familiarities, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_142'>142</span>suspended desire in respectful and awful admiration? -In answer to this, I shall only observe, that if motives -of interest or vanity have had any share in your resolutions -to marry, none of these chimerical notions will -give you any pain; nay they will very quickly appear -as ridiculous in your own eyes, as they probably always -did in the eyes of your husbands. They have -been sentiments which have floated in your imaginations, -but have never reached your hearts. But if -these sentiments have been truly genuine, and if you -have had the singular happy fate to attach those who -understand them, you have no reason to be afraid.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>Marriage</span> indeed, will at once dispel the enchantment -raised by external beauty; but the virtues and -graces that first warmed the heart, that reserve and -delicacy which always left the lover something further -to wish, and often made him doubtful of your sensibility -or attachment, may and ought ever to remain. The -tumult of passion will necessarily subside; but it will -be succeeded by an endearment, that affects the heart -in a more equal, more sensible, and tender manner.—But -I must check myself, and not indulge in descriptions -that may mislead you, and that too sensibly awake -the remembrance of my happier days, which, perhaps, -it were better for me to forget forever.</p> - -<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>I have</span> thus given you my opinion on some of the -most important articles of your future life, chiefly calculated -for that period when you are just entering the world. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_143'>143</span>I have endeavoured to avoid some peculiarities of opinion, -which, from their contradiction to the general -practice of the world, I might reasonably have suspected -were not so well founded. But in writing to -you, I am afraid my heart has been too full, and too -warmly interested, to allow me to keep this resolution. -This may have produced some embarrassment, and -some seeming contradictions. What I have written -has been the amusement of some solitary hours, and -has served to divert some melancholy reflections.—I -am conscious I undertook a task to which I was very -unequal; but I have discharged a part of my duty.—You -will at least be pleased with it, as the last mark -of your father’s love and attention.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c003'> - <div>THE END.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='figcenter id002'> -<img src='images/i143.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c003' /> -</div> -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_144'>144</span> - <h2 class='c004'><i>CONTENTS</i>.</h2> -</div> -<table class='table0' summary=''> -<colgroup> -<col width='86%' /> -<col width='13%' /> -</colgroup> - <tr> - <td class='c015'> </td> - <td class='c016'><i>page</i></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Modesty</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_7'>7</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Lying</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_12'>12</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Good-Breeding</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_15'>15</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Genteel Carriage</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_21'>21</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Cleanliness of person</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_25'>25</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Dress</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_26'>26</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Elegance of Expression</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_28'>28</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Address Phraseology, and small-talk</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_33'>33</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Observation</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_35'>35</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Absence of Mind</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_37'>37</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Knowledge of the World</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_39'>39</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Choice of Company</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_51'>51</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Laughter</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_55'>55</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Sundry Little Accomplishments</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_57'>57</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Employment of Time</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_71'>71</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Dignity of Manners</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_74'>74</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Rules for Conversation</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_79'>79</a></td> - </tr> - <tr><td> </td></tr> - <tr><td> </td></tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>A Father’s address to his Daughters</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_93'>93</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Religion</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_96'>96</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Conduct and Behaviour</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_102'>102</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Amusements</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_110'>110</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class='c015'><i>Friendship, Love, Marriage</i>,</td> - <td class='c016'><a href='#Page_116'>116</a></td> - </tr> -</table> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c003' /> -</div> -<p class='c006'> </p> -<div class='tnbox'> - - <ul class='ul_1 c003'> - <li>Transcriber’s Notes: - <ul class='ul_2'> - <li>Missing or obscured punctuation was silently corrected. - </li> - <li>Typographical errors were silently corrected. - </li> - <li>Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only when a predominant - form was found in this book. - </li> - </ul> - </li> - </ul> - -</div> -<p class='c006'> </p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Principles of politeness, and of -knowing the world, by Philip Dormer Stanhope (Earl of Chesterfield) - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PRINCIPLES OF POLITENESS *** - -***** This file should be named 60071-h.htm or 60071-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/6/0/0/7/60071/ - -Produced by Turgut Dincer, Barry Abrahamsen, and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part -of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm -concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, -and may not be used if you charge for the eBooks, unless you receive -specific permission. If you do not charge anything for copies of this -eBook, complying with the rules is very easy. You may use this eBook -for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, -performances and research. They may be modified and printed and given -away--you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks -not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the -trademark license, especially commercial redistribution. - -START: FULL LICENSE - -THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE -PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK - -To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full -Project Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at -www.gutenberg.org/license. - -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works - -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or -destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your -possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a -Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound -by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the -person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph -1.E.8. - -1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this -agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below. - -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the -Foundation" or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection -of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual -works in the collection are in the public domain in the United -States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the -United States and you are located in the United States, we do not -claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, -displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as -all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope -that you will support the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting -free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm -works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the -Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with the work. You can easily -comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the -same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg-tm License when -you share it without charge with others. - -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are -in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, -check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this -agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, -distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any -other Project Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no -representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any -country outside the United States. - -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: - -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other -immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear -prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work -on which the phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the -phrase "Project Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, -performed, viewed, copied or distributed: - - This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and - most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no - restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it - under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this - eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the - United States, you'll have to check the laws of the country where you - are located before using this ebook. - -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is -derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not -contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the -copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in -the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are -redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply -either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or -obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg-tm -trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any -additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms -will be linked to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works -posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the -beginning of this work. - -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. - -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg-tm License. - -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including -any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access -to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format -other than "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official -version posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site -(www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense -to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means -of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original "Plain -Vanilla ASCII" or other form. Any alternate format must include the -full Project Gutenberg-tm License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. - -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -provided that - -* You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed - to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he has - agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project - Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid - within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are - legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty - payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project - Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in - Section 4, "Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg - Literary Archive Foundation." - -* You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm - License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all - copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue - all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg-tm - works. - -* You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of - any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of - receipt of the work. - -* You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work or group of works on different terms than -are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing -from both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and The -Project Gutenberg Trademark LLC, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm -trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. - -1.F. - -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project -Gutenberg-tm collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may -contain "Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate -or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other -intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or -other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or -cannot be read by your equipment. - -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right -of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. - -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium -with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you -with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in -lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person -or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second -opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If -the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing -without further opportunities to fix the problem. - -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO -OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT -LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. - -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of -damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement -violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the -agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or -limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or -unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the -remaining provisions. - -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in -accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the -production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, -including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of -the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this -or any Project Gutenberg-tm work, (b) alteration, modification, or -additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any -Defect you cause. - -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm - -Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of -computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It -exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations -from people in all walks of life. - -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future -generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see -Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at -www.gutenberg.org - - - -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation - -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by -U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. - -The Foundation's principal office is in Fairbanks, Alaska, with the -mailing address: PO Box 750175, Fairbanks, AK 99775, but its -volunteers and employees are scattered throughout numerous -locations. Its business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt -Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up to -date contact information can be found at the Foundation's web site and -official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact - -For additional contact information: - - Dr. Gregory B. Newby - Chief Executive and Director - gbnewby@pglaf.org - -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation - -Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide -spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. - -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND -DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular -state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate - -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. - -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. - -Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To -donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate - -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works. - -Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project -Gutenberg-tm concept of a library of electronic works that could be -freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and -distributed Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of -volunteer support. - -Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in -the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not -necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper -edition. - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search -facility: www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. - - - -</pre> - - </body> - <!-- created with ppgen.py 3.57c on 2019-08-03 18:33:32 GMT --> -</html> |