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diff --git a/5783.txt b/5783.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..40bcb56 --- /dev/null +++ b/5783.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2120 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Tramp Abroad + Part 2 + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: March 1994 [EBook #5783] +Posting Date: June 3, 2009 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD *** + + + + +Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger + + + + + + +A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 2 + +By Mark Twain + +(Samuel L. Clemens) + +First published in 1880 + +Illustrations taken from an 1880 First Edition + + * * * * * * + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS: + + + 1. PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR + 2. TITIAN'S MOSES + 3. THE AUTHOR'S MEMORIES + 32. FRENCH CALM + 33. THE CHALLENGE ACCEPTED + 34. A SEARCH + 35. HE SWOONED PONDEROUSLY + 36. I ROLLED HIM OVER + 37. THE ONE I HIRED + 36. THE MARCH TO THE FIELD + 39. THE POST OF DANGER + 40. THE RECONCILIATION + 41. AN OBJECT OF ADMIRATION + 42. WAGNER + 43. RAGING + 44. ROARING + 45. SHRIEKING + 46. A CUSTOMARY THING + 47. ONE OF THE "REST" + 48. A CONTRIBUTION BOX + 49. CONSPICUOUS + 50. TAIL PIECE + 51. ONLY A SHRIEK + 52. "HE ONLY CRY" + 53. LATE COMERS CARED FOR + 54. EVIDENTLY DREAMING + 55. "TURN ON MORE RAIN" + 56. HARRIS ATTENDING THE OPERA + 57. PAINTING MY GREAT PICTURE + 58. OUR START + 59. AN UNKNOWN COSTUME + 60. THE TOWER + 61. SLOW BUT SURE + 62. THE ROBBER CHIEF + 63. AN HONEST MAN + 64. THE TOWN BY NIGHT + 65. GENERATIONS OF BAREFEET + 66. OUR BEDROOM + 67. PRACTICING + 68. PAWING AROUND + 69. A NIGHT'S WORK + 70. LEAVING HEILBRONN + 71. THE CAPTAIN + 72. WAITING FOR THE TRAIN + + + +CONTENTS: + +CHAPTER VIII The Great French Duel--Mistaken Notions--Outbreak in the +French Assembly--Calmness of M Gambetta--I Volunteer as Second--Drawing +up a Will--The Challenge and its Acceptance--Difficulty in Selection +of Weapons--Deciding on Distance--M. Gambetta's Firmness--Arranging +Details--Hiring Hearses--How it was Kept from the Press--March to the +Field--The Post of Danger--The Duel--The Result--General Rejoicings--The +only One Hurt--A Firm Resolution + +CHAPTER IX At the Theatre--German Ideal--At the Opera--The +Orchestra--Howlings and Wailings--A Curious Play--One Season of +Rest--The Wedding Chorus--Germans fond of the Opera--Funerals Needed +--A Private Party--What I Overheard--A Gentle Girl--A +Contribution--box--Unpleasantly Conspicuous + +CHAPTER X Four Hours with Wagner--A Wonderful Singer, Once--" Only a +Shriek"--An Ancient Vocalist--"He Only Cry"--Emotional Germans--A +Wise Custom--Late Comers Rebuked--Heard to the Last--No Interruptions +Allowed--A Royal Audience--An Eccentric King--Real Rain and More of +It--Immense Success--"Encore! Encore!"--Magnanimity of the King + +CHAPTER XI Lessons in Art--My Great Picture of Heidelberg Castle--Its +Effect in the Exhibition--Mistaken for a Turner--A Studio--Waiting +for Orders--A Tramp Decided On--The Start for Heilbronn--Our Walking +Dress--"Pleasant march to you"--We Take the Rail--German People on +Board--Not Understood--Speak only German and English--Wimpfen--A Funny +Tower--Dinner in the Garden--Vigorous Tramping--Ride in a Peasant's +Cart--A Famous Room + +CHAPTER XII The Rathhaus--An Old Robber Knight, Gotz Von +Berlichingen--His Famous Deeds--The Square Tower--A Curious old +Church--A Gay Turn--out--A Legend--The Wives' Treasures--A Model +Waiter--A Miracle Performed--An Old Town--The Worn Stones + +CHAPTER XIII Early to Bed--Lonesome--Nervous Excitement--The Room We +Occupied--Disturbed by a Mouse--Grow Desperate--The Old Remedy--A Shoe +Thrown--Result--Hopelessly Awake--An Attempt to Dress--A Cruise in the +Dark--Crawling on the Floor--A General Smash-up--Forty-seven Miles' +Travel + +CHAPTER XIV A Famous Turn--out--Raftsmen on the Neckar--The Log +Rafts--The Neckar--A Sudden Idea--To Heidelberg on a Raft--Chartering +a Raft--Gloomy Feelings and Conversation--Delicious Journeying--View of +the Banks--Compared with Railroading + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +The Great French Duel + +[I Second Gambetta in a Terrific Duel] + + +Much as the modern French duel is ridiculed by certain smart people, it +is in reality one of the most dangerous institutions of our day. Since +it is always fought in the open air, the combatants are nearly sure +to catch cold. M. Paul de Cassagnac, the most inveterate of the French +duelists, had suffered so often in this way that he is at last a +confirmed invalid; and the best physician in Paris has expressed +the opinion that if he goes on dueling for fifteen or twenty years +more--unless he forms the habit of fighting in a comfortable room where +damps and draughts cannot intrude--he will eventually endanger his life. +This ought to moderate the talk of those people who are so stubborn +in maintaining that the French duel is the most health-giving of +recreations because of the open-air exercise it affords. And it +ought also to moderate that foolish talk about French duelists and +socialist-hated monarchs being the only people who are immoral. + +But it is time to get at my subject. As soon as I heard of the late +fiery outbreak between M. Gambetta and M. Fourtou in the French +Assembly, I knew that trouble must follow. I knew it because a long +personal friendship with M. Gambetta revealed to me the desperate and +implacable nature of the man. Vast as are his physical proportions, +I knew that the thirst for revenge would penetrate to the remotest +frontiers of his person. + +I did not wait for him to call on me, but went at once to him. As I had +expected, I found the brave fellow steeped in a profound French calm. +I say French calm, because French calmness and English calmness have +points of difference. + + + +He was moving swiftly back and forth among the debris of his furniture, +now and then staving chance fragments of it across the room with his +foot; grinding a constant grist of curses through his set teeth; and +halting every little while to deposit another handful of his hair on the +pile which he had been building of it on the table. + +He threw his arms around my neck, bent me over his stomach to his +breast, kissed me on both cheeks, hugged me four or five times, and +then placed me in his own arm-chair. As soon as I had got well again, we +began business at once. + +I said I supposed he would wish me to act as his second, and he said, +"Of course." I said I must be allowed to act under a French name, so +that I might be shielded from obloquy in my country, in case of fatal +results. He winced here, probably at the suggestion that dueling was not +regarded with respect in America. However, he agreed to my requirement. +This accounts for the fact that in all the newspaper reports M. +Gambetta's second was apparently a Frenchman. + + + +First, we drew up my principal's will. I insisted upon this, and stuck +to my point. I said I had never heard of a man in his right mind going +out to fight a duel without first making his will. He said he had never +heard of a man in his right mind doing anything of the kind. When he had +finished the will, he wished to proceed to a choice of his "last words." +He wanted to know how the following words, as a dying exclamation, +struck me: + +"I die for my God, for my country, for freedom of speech, for progress, +and the universal brotherhood of man!" + +I objected that this would require too lingering a death; it was a good +speech for a consumptive, but not suited to the exigencies of the field +of honor. We wrangled over a good many ante-mortem outbursts, but I +finally got him to cut his obituary down to this, which he copied into +his memorandum-book, purposing to get it by heart: + +"I DIE THAT FRANCE MIGHT LIVE." + +I said that this remark seemed to lack relevancy; but he said relevancy +was a matter of no consequence in last words, what you wanted was +thrill. + +The next thing in order was the choice of weapons. My principal said he +was not feeling well, and would leave that and the other details of the +proposed meeting to me. Therefore I wrote the following note and carried +it to M. Fourtou's friend: + +Sir: M. Gambetta accepts M. Fourtou's challenge, and authorizes me to +propose Plessis-Piquet as the place of meeting; tomorrow morning at +daybreak as the time; and axes as the weapons. + +I am, sir, with great respect, + +Mark Twain. + +M. Fourtou's friend read this note, and shuddered. Then he turned to me, +and said, with a suggestion of severity in his tone: + +"Have you considered, sir, what would be the inevitable result of such a +meeting as this?" + +"Well, for instance, what WOULD it be?" + +"Bloodshed!" + +"That's about the size of it," I said. "Now, if it is a fair question, +what was your side proposing to shed?" + +I had him there. He saw he had made a blunder, so he hastened to explain +it away. He said he had spoken jestingly. Then he added that he and his +principal would enjoy axes, and indeed prefer them, but such weapons +were barred by the French code, and so I must change my proposal. + +I walked the floor, turning the thing over in my mind, and finally it +occurred to me that Gatling-guns at fifteen paces would be a likely way +to get a verdict on the field of honor. So I framed this idea into a +proposition. + +But it was not accepted. The code was in the way again. I proposed +rifles; then double-barreled shotguns; then Colt's navy revolvers. These +being all rejected, I reflected awhile, and sarcastically suggested +brickbats at three-quarters of a mile. I always hate to fool away a +humorous thing on a person who has no perception of humor; and it filled +me with bitterness when this man went soberly away to submit the last +proposition to his principal. + +He came back presently and said his principal was charmed with the idea +of brickbats at three-quarters of a mile, but must decline on account of +the danger to disinterested parties passing between them. Then I said: + +"Well, I am at the end of my string, now. Perhaps YOU would be good +enough to suggest a weapon? Perhaps you have even had one in your mind +all the time?" + +His countenance brightened, and he said with alacrity: + +"Oh, without doubt, monsieur!" + + + +So he fell to hunting in his pockets--pocket after pocket, and he had +plenty of them--muttering all the while, "Now, what could I have done +with them?" + +At last he was successful. He fished out of his vest pocket a couple +of little things which I carried to the light and ascertained to be +pistols. They were single-barreled and silver-mounted, and very dainty +and pretty. I was not able to speak for emotion. I silently hung one of +them on my watch-chain, and returned the other. My companion in crime +now unrolled a postage-stamp containing several cartridges, and gave me +one of them. I asked if he meant to signify by this that our men were +to be allowed but one shot apiece. He replied that the French code +permitted no more. I then begged him to go and suggest a distance, for +my mind was growing weak and confused under the strain which had been +put upon it. He named sixty-five yards. I nearly lost my patience. I +said: + +"Sixty-five yards, with these instruments? Squirt-guns would be deadlier +at fifty. Consider, my friend, you and I are banded together to destroy +life, not make it eternal." + +But with all my persuasions, all my arguments, I was only able to +get him to reduce the distance to thirty-five yards; and even this +concession he made with reluctance, and said with a sigh, "I wash my +hands of this slaughter; on your head be it." + +There was nothing for me but to go home to my old lion-heart and tell my +humiliating story. When I entered, M. Gambetta was laying his last lock +of hair upon the altar. He sprang toward me, exclaiming: + +"You have made the fatal arrangements--I see it in your eye!" + +"I have." + +His face paled a trifle, and he leaned upon the table for support. He +breathed thick and heavily for a moment or two, so tumultuous were his +feelings; then he hoarsely whispered: + +"The weapon, the weapon! Quick! what is the weapon?" + +"This!" and I displayed that silver-mounted thing. He cast but one +glance at it, then swooned ponderously to the floor. + + + +When he came to, he said mournfully: + +"The unnatural calm to which I have subjected myself has told upon my +nerves. But away with weakness! I will confront my fate like a man and a +Frenchman." + +He rose to his feet, and assumed an attitude which for sublimity has +never been approached by man, and has seldom been surpassed by statues. +Then he said, in his deep bass tones: + +"Behold, I am calm, I am ready; reveal to me the distance." + +"Thirty-five yards." ... + + + +I could not lift him up, of course; but I rolled him over, and poured +water down his back. He presently came to, and said: + +"Thirty-five yards--without a rest? But why ask? Since murder was that +man's intention, why should he palter with small details? But mark you +one thing: in my fall the world shall see how the chivalry of France +meets death." + +After a long silence he asked: + +"Was nothing said about that man's family standing up with him, as +an offset to my bulk? But no matter; I would not stoop to make such +a suggestion; if he is not noble enough to suggest it himself, he is +welcome to this advantage, which no honorable man would take." + +He now sank into a sort of stupor of reflection, which lasted some +minutes; after which he broke silence with: + +"The hour--what is the hour fixed for the collision?" + +"Dawn, tomorrow." + +He seemed greatly surprised, and immediately said: + +"Insanity! I never heard of such a thing. Nobody is abroad at such an +hour." + +"That is the reason I named it. Do you mean to say you want an +audience?" + +"It is no time to bandy words. I am astonished that M. Fourtou should +ever have agreed to so strange an innovation. Go at once and require a +later hour." + +I ran downstairs, threw open the front door, and almost plunged into the +arms of M. Fourtou's second. He said: + +"I have the honor to say that my principal strenuously objects to the +hour chosen, and begs you will consent to change it to half past nine." + +"Any courtesy, sir, which it is in our power to extend is at the service +of your excellent principal. We agree to the proposed change of time." + +"I beg you to accept the thanks of my client." Then he turned to a +person behind him, and said, "You hear, M. Noir, the hour is altered to +half past nine." Whereupon M. Noir bowed, expressed his thanks, and went +away. My accomplice continued: + +"If agreeable to you, your chief surgeons and ours shall proceed to the +field in the same carriage as is customary." + +"It is entirely agreeable to me, and I am obliged to you for mentioning +the surgeons, for I am afraid I should not have thought of them. How +many shall I want? I supposed two or three will be enough?" + +"Two is the customary number for each party. I refer to 'chief' +surgeons; but considering the exalted positions occupied by our clients, +it will be well and decorous that each of us appoint several consulting +surgeons, from among the highest in the profession. These will come in +their own private carriages. Have you engaged a hearse?" + + + +"Bless my stupidity, I never thought of it! I will attend to it right +away. I must seem very ignorant to you; but you must try to overlook +that, because I have never had any experience of such a swell duel as +this before. I have had a good deal to do with duels on the Pacific +coast, but I see now that they were crude affairs. A hearse--sho! we +used to leave the elected lying around loose, and let anybody cord +them up and cart them off that wanted to. Have you anything further to +suggest?" + +"Nothing, except that the head undertakers shall ride together, as is +usual. The subordinates and mutes will go on foot, as is also usual. I +will see you at eight o'clock in the morning, and we will then arrange +the order of the procession. I have the honor to bid you a good day." + +I returned to my client, who said, "Very well; at what hour is the +engagement to begin?" + +"Half past nine." + +"Very good indeed. Have you sent the fact to the newspapers?" + +"SIR! If after our long and intimate friendship you can for a moment +deem me capable of so base a treachery--" + +"Tut, tut! What words are these, my dear friend? Have I wounded you? Ah, +forgive me; I am overloading you with labor. Therefore go on with the +other details, and drop this one from your list. The bloody-minded +Fourtou will be sure to attend to it. Or I myself--yes, to make certain, +I will drop a note to my journalistic friend, M. Noir--" + +"Oh, come to think of it, you may save yourself the trouble; that other +second has informed M. Noir." + +"H'm! I might have known it. It is just like that Fourtou, who always +wants to make a display." + + + +At half past nine in the morning the procession approached the field of +Plessis-Piquet in the following order: first came our carriage--nobody +in it but M. Gambetta and myself; then a carriage containing M. Fourtou +and his second; then a carriage containing two poet-orators who did not +believe in God, and these had MS. funeral orations projecting from their +breast pockets; then a carriage containing the head surgeons and their +cases of instruments; then eight private carriages containing consulting +surgeons; then a hack containing a coroner; then the two hearses; then a +carriage containing the head undertakers; then a train of assistants +and mutes on foot; and after these came plodding through the fog a long +procession of camp followers, police, and citizens generally. It was a +noble turnout, and would have made a fine display if we had had thinner +weather. + +There was no conversation. I spoke several times to my principal, but +I judge he was not aware of it, for he always referred to his note-book +and muttered absently, "I die that France might live." + +Arrived on the field, my fellow-second and I paced off the thirty-five +yards, and then drew lots for choice of position. This latter was but +an ornamental ceremony, for all the choices were alike in such weather. +These preliminaries being ended, I went to my principal and asked him +if he was ready. He spread himself out to his full width, and said in a +stern voice, "Ready! Let the batteries be charged." + +The loading process was done in the presence of duly constituted +witnesses. We considered it best to perform this delicate service with +the assistance of a lantern, on account of the state of the weather. We +now placed our men. + +At this point the police noticed that the public had massed themselves +together on the right and left of the field; they therefore begged a +delay, while they should put these poor people in a place of safety. + +The request was granted. + +The police having ordered the two multitudes to take positions behind +the duelists, we were once more ready. The weather growing still more +opaque, it was agreed between myself and the other second that before +giving the fatal signal we should each deliver a loud whoop to enable +the combatants to ascertain each other's whereabouts. + +I now returned to my principal, and was distressed to observe that he +had lost a good deal of his spirit. I tried my best to hearten him. I +said, "Indeed, sir, things are not as bad as they seem. Considering +the character of the weapons, the limited number of shots allowed, the +generous distance, the impenetrable solidity of the fog, and the added +fact that one of the combatants is one-eyed and the other cross-eyed and +near-sighted, it seems to me that this conflict need not necessarily be +fatal. There are chances that both of you may survive. Therefore, cheer +up; do not be downhearted." + +This speech had so good an effect that my principal immediately +stretched forth his hand and said, "I am myself again; give me the +weapon." + +I laid it, all lonely and forlorn, in the center of the vast solitude +of his palm. He gazed at it and shuddered. And still mournfully +contemplating it, he murmured in a broken voice: + +"Alas, it is not death I dread, but mutilation." + +I heartened him once more, and with such success that he presently +said, "Let the tragedy begin. Stand at my back; do not desert me in this +solemn hour, my friend." + +I gave him my promise. I now assisted him to point his pistol toward the +spot where I judged his adversary to be standing, and cautioned him to +listen well and further guide himself by my fellow-second's whoop. +Then I propped myself against M. Gambetta's back, and raised a rousing +"Whoop-ee!" This was answered from out the far distances of the fog, and +I immediately shouted: + +"One--two--three--FIRE!" + +Two little sounds like SPIT! SPIT! broke upon my ear, and in the same +instant I was crushed to the earth under a mountain of flesh. Bruised +as I was, I was still able to catch a faint accent from above, to this +effect: + + + +"I die for... for ... perdition take it, what IS it I die for? ... oh, +yes--FRANCE! I die that France may live!" + +The surgeons swarmed around with their probes in their hands, and +applied their microscopes to the whole area of M. Gambetta's person, +with the happy result of finding nothing in the nature of a wound. Then +a scene ensued which was in every way gratifying and inspiriting. + +The two gladiators fell upon each other's neck, with floods of proud and +happy tears; that other second embraced me; the surgeons, the +orators, the undertakers, the police, everybody embraced, everybody +congratulated, everybody cried, and the whole atmosphere was filled with +praise and with joy unspeakable. + +It seems to me then that I would rather be a hero of a French duel than +a crowned and sceptered monarch. + + + +When the commotion had somewhat subsided, the body of surgeons held a +consultation, and after a good deal of debate decided that with proper +care and nursing there was reason to believe that I would survive my +injuries. My internal hurts were deemed the most serious, since it was +apparent that a broken rib had penetrated my left lung, and that many of +my organs had been pressed out so far to one side or the other of where +they belonged, that it was doubtful if they would ever learn to perform +their functions in such remote and unaccustomed localities. They then +set my left arm in two places, pulled my right hip into its socket +again, and re-elevated my nose. I was an object of great interest, +and even admiration; and many sincere and warm-hearted persons had +themselves introduced to me, and said they were proud to know the only +man who had been hurt in a French duel in forty years. + +I was placed in an ambulance at the very head of the procession; +and thus with gratifying 'ECLAT I was marched into Paris, the most +conspicuous figure in that great spectacle, and deposited at the +hospital. + + + +The cross of the Legion of Honor has been conferred upon me. However, +few escape that distinction. + +Such is the true version of the most memorable private conflict of the +age. + +I have no complaints to make against any one. I acted for myself, and I +can stand the consequences. + +Without boasting, I think I may say I am not afraid to stand before a +modern French duelist, but as long as I keep in my right mind I will +never consent to stand behind one again. + + + +CHAPTER IX + +[What the Beautiful Maiden Said] + + +One day we took the train and went down to Mannheim to see "King Lear" +played in German. It was a mistake. We sat in our seats three whole +hours and never understood anything but the thunder and lightning; and +even that was reversed to suit German ideas, for the thunder came first +and the lightning followed after. + +The behavior of the audience was perfect. There were no rustlings, or +whisperings, or other little disturbances; each act was listened to in +silence, and the applauding was done after the curtain was down. The +doors opened at half past four, the play began promptly at half past +five, and within two minutes afterward all who were coming were in their +seats, and quiet reigned. A German gentleman in the train had said that +a Shakespearian play was an appreciated treat in Germany and that +we should find the house filled. It was true; all the six tiers were +filled, and remained so to the end--which suggested that it is not only +balcony people who like Shakespeare in Germany, but those of the pit and +gallery, too. + +Another time, we went to Mannheim and attended a shivaree--otherwise an +opera--the one called "Lohengrin." The banging and slamming and booming +and crashing were something beyond belief. The racking and pitiless pain +of it remains stored up in my memory alongside the memory of the time +that I had my teeth fixed. + + + +There were circumstances which made it necessary for me to stay through +the four hours to the end, and I stayed; but the recollection of that +long, dragging, relentless season of suffering is indestructible. To +have to endure it in silence, and sitting still, made it all the harder. +I was in a railed compartment with eight or ten strangers, of the two +sexes, and this compelled repression; yet at times the pain was so +exquisite that I could hardly keep the tears back. + + + +At those times, as the howlings and wailings and shrieking of the +singers, and the ragings and roarings and explosions of the vast +orchestra rose higher and higher, and wilder and wilder, and fiercer and +fiercer, I could have cried if I had been alone. Those strangers would +not have been surprised to see a man do such a thing who was being +gradually skinned, but they would have marveled at it here, and made +remarks about it no doubt, whereas there was nothing in the present case +which was an advantage over being skinned. + + + +There was a wait of half an hour at the end of the first act, and I +could have gone out and rested during that time, but I could not trust +myself to do it, for I felt that I should desert to stay out. There was +another wait of half an hour toward nine o'clock, but I had gone through +so much by that time that I had no spirit left, and so had no desire but +to be let alone. + + + +I do not wish to suggest that the rest of the people there were like +me, for, indeed, they were not. Whether it was that they naturally +liked that noise, or whether it was that they had learned to like it +by getting used to it, I did not at the time know; but they did like +it--this was plain enough. While it was going on they sat and looked as +rapt and grateful as cats do when one strokes their backs; and whenever +the curtain fell they rose to their feet, in one solid mighty multitude, +and the air was snowed thick with waving handkerchiefs, and hurricanes +of applause swept the place. This was not comprehensible to me. Of +course, there were many people there who were not under compulsion to +stay; yet the tiers were as full at the close as they had been at the +beginning. This showed that the people liked it. + +It was a curious sort of a play. In the manner of costumes and scenery +it was fine and showy enough; but there was not much action. That is +to say, there was not much really done, it was only talked about; and +always violently. It was what one might call a narrative play. Everybody +had a narrative and a grievance, and none were reasonable about it, but +all in an offensive and ungovernable state. There was little of that +sort of customary thing where the tenor and the soprano stand down by +the footlights, warbling, with blended voices, and keep holding out +their arms toward each other and drawing them back and spreading both +hands over first one breast and then the other with a shake and a +pressure--no, it was every rioter for himself and no blending. Each sang +his indictive narrative in turn, accompanied by the whole orchestra of +sixty instruments, and when this had continued for some time, and one +was hoping they might come to an understanding and modify the noise, a +great chorus composed entirely of maniacs would suddenly break forth, +and then during two minutes, and sometimes three, I lived over again all +that I suffered the time the orphan asylum burned down. + + + +We only had one brief little season of heaven and heaven's sweet ecstasy +and peace during all this long and diligent and acrimonious reproduction +of the other place. This was while a gorgeous procession of people +marched around and around, in the third act, and sang the Wedding +Chorus. To my untutored ear that was music--almost divine music. While +my seared soul was steeped in the healing balm of those gracious sounds, +it seemed to me that I could almost resuffer the torments which had +gone before, in order to be so healed again. There is where the deep +ingenuity of the operatic idea is betrayed. It deals so largely in pain +that its scattered delights are prodigiously augmented by the contrasts. +A pretty air in an opera is prettier there than it could be anywhere +else, I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he +would elsewhere. + +I have since found out that there is nothing the Germans like so much as +an opera. They like it, not in a mild and moderate way, but with their +whole hearts. This is a legitimate result of habit and education. Our +nation will like the opera, too, by and by, no doubt. One in fifty of +those who attend our operas likes it already, perhaps, but I think a +good many of the other forty-nine go in order to learn to like it, and +the rest in order to be able to talk knowingly about it. The latter +usually hum the airs while they are being sung, so that their neighbors +may perceive that they have been to operas before. The funerals of these +do not occur often enough. + + + +A gentle, old-maidish person and a sweet young girl of seventeen sat +right in front of us that night at the Mannheim opera. These people +talked, between the acts, and I understood them, though I understood +nothing that was uttered on the distant stage. At first they were +guarded in their talk, but after they had heard my agent and me +conversing in English they dropped their reserve and I picked up many +of their little confidences; no, I mean many of HER little +confidences--meaning the elder party--for the young girl only listened, +and gave assenting nods, but never said a word. How pretty she was, +and how sweet she was! I wished she would speak. But evidently she was +absorbed in her own thoughts, her own young-girl dreams, and found a +dearer pleasure in silence. But she was not dreaming sleepy dreams--no, +she was awake, alive, alert, she could not sit still a moment. She was +an enchanting study. Her gown was of a soft white silky stuff that clung +to her round young figure like a fish's skin, and it was rippled over +with the gracefulest little fringy films of lace; she had deep, tender +eyes, with long, curved lashes; and she had peachy cheeks, and a +dimpled chin, and such a dear little rosebud of a mouth; and she was so +dovelike, so pure, and so gracious, so sweet and so bewitching. For long +hours I did mightily wish she would speak. And at last she did; the red +lips parted, and out leaps her thought--and with such a guileless and +pretty enthusiasm, too: "Auntie, I just KNOW I've got five hundred fleas +on me!" + +That was probably over the average. Yes, it must have been very much +over the average. The average at that time in the Grand Duchy of Baden +was forty-five to a young person (when alone), according to the official +estimate of the home secretary for that year; the average for older +people was shifty and indeterminable, for whenever a wholesome young +girl came into the presence of her elders she immediately lowered their +average and raised her own. She became a sort of contribution-box. + + + +This dear young thing in the theater had been sitting there +unconsciously taking up a collection. Many a skinny old being in our +neighborhood was the happier and the restfuler for her coming. + +In that large audience, that night, there were eight very conspicuous +people. These were ladies who had their hats or bonnets on. What a +blessed thing it would be if a lady could make herself conspicuous in +our theaters by wearing her hat. + + + +It is not usual in Europe to allow ladies and gentlemen to take bonnets, +hats, overcoats, canes, or umbrellas into the auditorium, but in +Mannheim this rule was not enforced because the audiences were largely +made up of people from a distance, and among these were always a few +timid ladies who were afraid that if they had to go into an anteroom to +get their things when the play was over, they would miss their train. +But the great mass of those who came from a distance always ran the risk +and took the chances, preferring the loss of a train to a breach of good +manners and the discomfort of being unpleasantly conspicuous during a +stretch of three or four hours. + + + +CHAPTER X + +[How Wagner Operas Bang Along] + + +Three or four hours. That is a long time to sit in one place, whether +one be conspicuous or not, yet some of Wagner's operas bang along for +six whole hours on a stretch! But the people sit there and enjoy it all, +and wish it would last longer. A German lady in Munich told me that a +person could not like Wagner's music at first, but must go through the +deliberate process of learning to like it--then he would have his sure +reward; for when he had learned to like it he would hunger for it and +never be able to get enough of it. She said that six hours of Wagner was +by no means too much. She said that this composer had made a complete +revolution in music and was burying the old masters one by one. And +she said that Wagner's operas differed from all others in one notable +respect, and that was that they were not merely spotted with music here +and there, but were ALL music, from the first strain to the last. This +surprised me. I said I had attended one of his insurrections, and found +hardly ANY music in it except the Wedding Chorus. She said "Lohengrin" +was noisier than Wagner's other operas, but that if I would keep on +going to see it I would find by and by that it was all music, and +therefore would then enjoy it. I COULD have said, "But would you advise +a person to deliberately practice having a toothache in the pit of his +stomach for a couple of years in order that he might then come to enjoy +it?" But I reserved that remark. + +This lady was full of the praises of the head-tenor who had performed in +a Wagner opera the night before, and went on to enlarge upon his old and +prodigious fame, and how many honors had been lavished upon him by the +princely houses of Germany. Here was another surprise. I had attended +that very opera, in the person of my agent, and had made close and +accurate observations. So I said: + +"Why, madam, MY experience warrants me in stating that that tenor's +voice is not a voice at all, but only a shriek--the shriek of a hyena." + + + +"That is very true," she said; "he cannot sing now; it is already many +years that he has lost his voice, but in other times he sang, yes, +divinely! So whenever he comes now, you shall see, yes, that the theater +will not hold the people. JAWOHL BEI GOTT! his voice is WUNDERSCHOEN in +that past time." + +I said she was discovering to me a kindly trait in the Germans which +was worth emulating. I said that over the water we were not quite so +generous; that with us, when a singer had lost his voice and a jumper +had lost his legs, these parties ceased to draw. I said I had been to +the opera in Hanover, once, and in Mannheim once, and in Munich +(through my authorized agent) once, and this large experience had nearly +persuaded me that the Germans PREFERRED singers who couldn't sing. This +was not such a very extravagant speech, either, for that burly Mannheim +tenor's praises had been the talk of all Heidelberg for a week before +his performance took place--yet his voice was like the distressing noise +which a nail makes when you screech it across a window-pane. I said so +to Heidelberg friends the next day, and they said, in the calmest and +simplest way, that that was very true, but that in earlier times his +voice HAD been wonderfully fine. And the tenor in Hanover was just +another example of this sort. The English-speaking German gentleman who +went with me to the opera there was brimming with enthusiasm over that +tenor. He said: + +"ACH GOTT! a great man! You shall see him. He is so celebrate in all +Germany--and he has a pension, yes, from the government. He not obliged +to sing now, only twice every year; but if he not sing twice each year +they take him his pension away." + +Very well, we went. When the renowned old tenor appeared, I got a nudge +and an excited whisper: + +"Now you see him!" + +But the "celebrate" was an astonishing disappointment to me. If he +had been behind a screen I should have supposed they were performing a +surgical operation on him. I looked at my friend--to my great surprise +he seemed intoxicated with pleasure, his eyes were dancing with eager +delight. When the curtain at last fell, he burst into the stormiest +applause, and kept it up--as did the whole house--until the afflictive +tenor had come three times before the curtain to make his bow. While the +glowing enthusiast was swabbing the perspiration from his face, I said: + +"I don't mean the least harm, but really, now, do you think he can +sing?" + +"Him? NO! GOTT IM HIMMEL, ABER, how he has been able to sing twenty-five +years ago?" [Then pensively.] "ACH, no, NOW he not sing any more, he +only cry. When he think he sing, now, he not sing at all, no, he only +make like a cat which is unwell." + + + +Where and how did we get the idea that the Germans are a stolid, +phlegmatic race? In truth, they are widely removed from that. They are +warm-hearted, emotional, impulsive, enthusiastic, their tears come at +the mildest touch, and it is not hard to move them to laughter. They are +the very children of impulse. We are cold and self-contained, compared +to the Germans. They hug and kiss and cry and shout and dance and sing; +and where we use one loving, petting expression, they pour out a score. +Their language is full of endearing diminutives; nothing that they love +escapes the application of a petting diminutive--neither the house, nor +the dog, nor the horse, nor the grandmother, nor any other creature, +animate or inanimate. + +In the theaters at Hanover, Hamburg, and Mannheim, they had a wise +custom. The moment the curtain went up, the light in the body of the +house went down. The audience sat in the cool gloom of a deep twilight, +which greatly enhanced the glowing splendors of the stage. It saved gas, +too, and people were not sweated to death. + +When I saw "King Lear" played, nobody was allowed to see a scene +shifted; if there was nothing to be done but slide a forest out of the +way and expose a temple beyond, one did not see that forest split itself +in the middle and go shrieking away, with the accompanying disenchanting +spectacle of the hands and heels of the impelling impulse--no, the +curtain was always dropped for an instant--one heard not the least +movement behind it--but when it went up, the next instant, the forest +was gone. Even when the stage was being entirely reset, one heard no +noise. During the whole time that "King Lear" was playing the curtain +was never down two minutes at any one time. The orchestra played until +the curtain was ready to go up for the first time, then they departed +for the evening. Where the stage waits never reach two minutes there is +no occasion for music. I had never seen this two-minute business between +acts but once before, and that was when the "Shaughraun" was played at +Wallack's. + +I was at a concert in Munich one night, the people were streaming in, +the clock-hand pointed to seven, the music struck up, and instantly +all movement in the body of the house ceased--nobody was standing, or +walking up the aisles, or fumbling with a seat, the stream of incomers +had suddenly dried up at its source. I listened undisturbed to a piece +of music that was fifteen minutes long--always expecting some tardy +ticket-holders to come crowding past my knees, and being continuously +and pleasantly disappointed--but when the last note was struck, here +came the stream again. You see, they had made those late comers wait in +the comfortable waiting-parlor from the time the music had begun until +it was ended. + + + +It was the first time I had ever seen this sort of criminals denied the +privilege of destroying the comfort of a house full of their betters. +Some of these were pretty fine birds, but no matter, they had to tarry +outside in the long parlor under the inspection of a double rank of +liveried footmen and waiting-maids who supported the two walls with +their backs and held the wraps and traps of their masters and mistresses +on their arms. + +We had no footmen to hold our things, and it was not permissible to take +them into the concert-room; but there were some men and women to take +charge of them for us. They gave us checks for them and charged a fixed +price, payable in advance--five cents. + +In Germany they always hear one thing at an opera which has never yet +been heard in America, perhaps--I mean the closing strain of a fine solo +or duet. We always smash into it with an earthquake of applause. The +result is that we rob ourselves of the sweetest part of the treat; we +get the whiskey, but we don't get the sugar in the bottom of the glass. + +Our way of scattering applause along through an act seems to me to be +better than the Mannheim way of saving it all up till the act is ended. +I do not see how an actor can forget himself and portray hot passion +before a cold still audience. I should think he would feel foolish. It +is a pain to me to this day, to remember how that old German Lear raged +and wept and howled around the stage, with never a response from that +hushed house, never a single outburst till the act was ended. To +me there was something unspeakably uncomfortable in the solemn dead +silences that always followed this old person's tremendous outpourings +of his feelings. I could not help putting myself in his place--I thought +I knew how sick and flat he felt during those silences, because I +remembered a case which came under my observation once, and which--but I +will tell the incident: + +One evening on board a Mississippi steamboat, a boy of ten years lay +asleep in a berth--a long, slim-legged boy, he was, encased in quite +a short shirt; it was the first time he had ever made a trip on a +steamboat, and so he was troubled, and scared, and had gone to bed +with his head filled with impending snaggings, and explosions, and +conflagrations, and sudden death. About ten o'clock some twenty ladies +were sitting around about the ladies' saloon, quietly reading, sewing, +embroidering, and so on, and among them sat a sweet, benignant old dame +with round spectacles on her nose and her busy knitting-needles in her +hands. Now all of a sudden, into the midst of this peaceful scene burst +that slim-shanked boy in the brief shirt, wild-eyed, erect-haired, and +shouting, "Fire, fire! JUMP AND RUN, THE BOAT'S AFIRE AND THERE AIN'T A +MINUTE TO LOSE!" All those ladies looked sweetly up and smiled, nobody +stirred, the old lady pulled her spectacles down, looked over them, and +said, gently: + +"But you mustn't catch cold, child. Run and put on your breastpin, and +then come and tell us all about it." + +It was a cruel chill to give to a poor little devil's gushing vehemence. +He was expecting to be a sort of hero--the creator of a wild panic--and +here everybody sat and smiled a mocking smile, and an old woman made fun +of his bugbear. I turned and crept away--for I was that boy--and never +even cared to discover whether I had dreamed the fire or actually seen +it. + + + +I am told that in a German concert or opera, they hardly ever encore +a song; that though they may be dying to hear it again, their good +breeding usually preserves them against requiring the repetition. + +Kings may encore; that is quite another matter; it delights everybody to +see that the King is pleased; and as to the actor encored, his pride and +gratification are simply boundless. Still, there are circumstances in +which even a royal encore-- + +But it is better to illustrate. The King of Bavaria is a poet, and has a +poet's eccentricities--with the advantage over all other poets of being +able to gratify them, no matter what form they may take. He is fond +of opera, but not fond of sitting in the presence of an audience; +therefore, it has sometimes occurred, in Munich, that when an opera has +been concluded and the players were getting off their paint and finery, +a command has come to them to get their paint and finery on again. +Presently the King would arrive, solitary and alone, and the players +would begin at the beginning and do the entire opera over again with +only that one individual in the vast solemn theater for audience. Once +he took an odd freak into his head. High up and out of sight, over +the prodigious stage of the court theater is a maze of interlacing +water-pipes, so pierced that in case of fire, innumerable little +thread-like streams of water can be caused to descend; and in case +of need, this discharge can be augmented to a pouring flood. American +managers might want to make a note of that. The King was sole audience. +The opera proceeded, it was a piece with a storm in it; the mimic +thunder began to mutter, the mimic wind began to wail and sough, and +the mimic rain to patter. The King's interest rose higher and higher; it +developed into enthusiasm. He cried out: + +"It is very, very good, indeed! But I will have real rain! Turn on the +water!" + +The manager pleaded for a reversal of the command; said it would ruin +the costly scenery and the splendid costumes, but the King cried: + +"No matter, no matter, I will have real rain! Turn on the water!" + +So the real rain was turned on and began to descend in gossamer lances +to the mimic flower-beds and gravel walks of the stage. The richly +dressed actresses and actors tripped about singing bravely and +pretending not to mind it. The King was delighted--his enthusiasm grew +higher. He cried out: + +"Bravo, bravo! More thunder! more lightning! turn on more rain!" + + + +The thunder boomed, the lightning glared, the storm-winds raged, the +deluge poured down. The mimic royalty on the stage, with their soaked +satins clinging to their bodies, slopped about ankle-deep in water, +warbling their sweetest and best, the fiddlers under the eaves of the +stage sawed away for dear life, with the cold overflow spouting down the +backs of their necks, and the dry and happy King sat in his lofty box +and wore his gloves to ribbons applauding. + +"More yet!" cried the King; "more yet--let loose all the thunder, turn +on all the water! I will hang the man that raises an umbrella!" + +When this most tremendous and effective storm that had ever been +produced in any theater was at last over, the King's approbation was +measureless. He cried: + +"Magnificent, magnificent! ENCORE! Do it again!" + +But the manager succeeded in persuading him to recall the encore, and +said the company would feel sufficiently rewarded and complimented +in the mere fact that the encore was desired by his Majesty, without +fatiguing him with a repetition to gratify their own vanity. + +During the remainder of the act the lucky performers were those whose +parts required changes of dress; the others were a soaked, bedraggled, +and uncomfortable lot, but in the last degree picturesque. The stage +scenery was ruined, trap-doors were so swollen that they wouldn't work +for a week afterward, the fine costumes were spoiled, and no end of +minor damages were done by that remarkable storm. + +It was a royal idea--that storm--and royally carried out. But observe +the moderation of the King; he did not insist upon his encore. If he had +been a gladsome, unreflecting American opera-audience, he probably would +have had his storm repeated and repeated until he drowned all those +people. + + + +CHAPTER XI + +[I Paint a "Turner"] + + +The summer days passed pleasantly in Heidelberg. We had a skilled +trainer, and under his instructions we were getting our legs in the +right condition for the contemplated pedestrian tours; we were well +satisfied with the progress which we had made in the German language, +[1. See Appendix D for information concerning this fearful tongue.] and +more than satisfied with what we had accomplished in art. We had had the +best instructors in drawing and painting in Germany--Haemmerling, Vogel, +Mueller, Dietz, and Schumann. Haemmerling taught us landscape-painting. +Vogel taught us figure-drawing, Mueller taught us to do still-life, +and Dietz and Schumann gave us a finishing course in two +specialties--battle-pieces and shipwrecks. Whatever I am in Art I owe to +these men. I have something of the manner of each and all of them; +but they all said that I had also a manner of my own, and that it +was conspicuous. They said there was a marked individuality about my +style--insomuch that if I ever painted the commonest type of a dog, I +should be sure to throw a something into the aspect of that dog which +would keep him from being mistaken for the creation of any other artist. +Secretly I wanted to believe all these kind sayings, but I could not; I +was afraid that my masters' partiality for me, and pride in me, biased +their judgment. So I resolved to make a test. Privately, and unknown to +any one, I painted my great picture, "Heidelberg Castle Illuminated"--my +first really important work in oils--and had it hung up in the midst +of a wilderness of oil-pictures in the Art Exhibition, with no name +attached to it. To my great gratification it was instantly recognized +as mine. All the town flocked to see it, and people even came from +neighboring localities to visit it. It made more stir than any other +work in the Exhibition. But the most gratifying thing of all was, that +chance strangers, passing through, who had not heard of my picture, were +not only drawn to it, as by a lodestone, the moment they entered the +gallery, but always took it for a "Turner." + + + +Apparently nobody had ever done that. There were ruined castles on the +overhanging cliffs and crags all the way; these were said to have their +legends, like those on the Rhine, and what was better still, they had +never been in print. There was nothing in the books about that lovely +region; it had been neglected by the tourist, it was virgin soil for the +literary pioneer. + +Meantime the knapsacks, the rough walking-suits and the stout +walking-shoes which we had ordered, were finished and brought to us. +A Mr. X and a young Mr. Z had agreed to go with us. We went around one +evening and bade good-by to our friends, and afterward had a little +farewell banquet at the hotel. We got to bed early, for we wanted to +make an early start, so as to take advantage of the cool of the morning. + +We were out of bed at break of day, feeling fresh and vigorous, and took +a hearty breakfast, then plunged down through the leafy arcades of the +Castle grounds, toward the town. What a glorious summer morning it was, +and how the flowers did pour out their fragrance, and how the birds did +sing! It was just the time for a tramp through the woods and mountains. + + + +We were all dressed alike: broad slouch hats, to keep the sun off; gray +knapsacks; blue army shirts; blue overalls; leathern gaiters buttoned +tight from knee down to ankle; high-quarter coarse shoes snugly laced. +Each man had an opera-glass, a canteen, and a guide-book case slung over +his shoulder, and carried an alpenstock in one hand and a sun-umbrella +in the other. Around our hats were wound many folds of soft white +muslin, with the ends hanging and flapping down our backs--an idea +brought from the Orient and used by tourists all over Europe. Harris +carried the little watch-like machine called a "pedometer," whose +office is to keep count of a man's steps and tell how far he has walked. +Everybody stopped to admire our costumes and give us a hearty "Pleasant +march to you!" + + + +When we got downtown I found that we could go by rail to within five +miles of Heilbronn. The train was just starting, so we jumped aboard and +went tearing away in splendid spirits. It was agreed all around that we +had done wisely, because it would be just as enjoyable to walk DOWN the +Neckar as up it, and it could not be needful to walk both ways. There +were some nice German people in our compartment. I got to talking some +pretty private matters presently, and Harris became nervous; so he +nudged me and said: + +"Speak in German--these Germans may understand English." + +I did so, it was well I did; for it turned out that there was not a +German in that party who did not understand English perfectly. It is +curious how widespread our language is in Germany. After a while some of +those folks got out and a German gentleman and his two young daughters +got in. I spoke in German of one of the latter several times, but +without result. Finally she said: + +"ICH VERSTEHE NUR DEUTCH UND ENGLISHE,"--or words to that effect. That +is, "I don't understand any language but German and English." + +And sure enough, not only she but her father and sister spoke English. +So after that we had all the talk we wanted; and we wanted a good deal, +for they were agreeable people. They were greatly interested in our +customs; especially the alpenstocks, for they had not seen any before. +They said that the Neckar road was perfectly level, so we must be going +to Switzerland or some other rugged country; and asked us if we did not +find the walking pretty fatiguing in such warm weather. But we said no. + +We reached Wimpfen--I think it was Wimpfen--in about three hours, and +got out, not the least tired; found a good hotel and ordered beer and +dinner--then took a stroll through the venerable old village. It was +very picturesque and tumble-down, and dirty and interesting. It had +queer houses five hundred years old in it, and a military tower 115 feet +high, which had stood there more than ten centuries. I made a little +sketch of it. I kept a copy, but gave the original to the Burgomaster. + + + +I think the original was better than the copy, because it had more +windows in it and the grass stood up better and had a brisker look. +There was none around the tower, though; I composed the grass myself, +from studies I made in a field by Heidelberg in Haemmerling's time. The +man on top, looking at the view, is apparently too large, but I found +he could not be made smaller, conveniently. I wanted him there, and I +wanted him visible, so I thought out a way to manage it; I composed the +picture from two points of view; the spectator is to observe the man +from bout where that flag is, and he must observe the tower itself from +the ground. This harmonizes the seeming discrepancy. [Figure 2] + +Near an old cathedral, under a shed, were three crosses of stone--moldy +and damaged things, bearing life-size stone figures. The two thieves +were dressed in the fanciful court costumes of the middle of the +sixteenth century, while the Saviour was nude, with the exception of a +cloth around the loins. + +We had dinner under the green trees in a garden belonging to the hotel +and overlooking the Neckar; then, after a smoke, we went to bed. We had +a refreshing nap, then got up about three in the afternoon and put +on our panoply. As we tramped gaily out at the gate of the town, we +overtook a peasant's cart, partly laden with odds and ends of cabbages +and similar vegetable rubbish, and drawn by a small cow and a smaller +donkey yoked together. It was a pretty slow concern, but it got us into +Heilbronn before dark--five miles, or possibly it was seven. + + + +We stopped at the very same inn which the famous old robber-knight +and rough fighter Goetz von Berlichingen, abode in after he got out of +captivity in the Square Tower of Heilbronn between three hundred and +fifty and four hundred years ago. Harris and I occupied the same room +which he had occupied and the same paper had not quite peeled off the +walls yet. The furniture was quaint old carved stuff, full four hundred +years old, and some of the smells were over a thousand. There was a hook +in the wall, which the landlord said the terrific old Goetz used to hang +his iron hand on when he took it off to go to bed. This room was very +large--it might be called immense--and it was on the first floor; which +means it was in the second story, for in Europe the houses are so +high that they do not count the first story, else they would get tired +climbing before they got to the top. The wallpaper was a fiery red, with +huge gold figures in it, well smirched by time, and it covered all the +doors. These doors fitted so snugly and continued the figures of the +paper so unbrokenly, that when they were closed one had to go feeling +and searching along the wall to find them. There was a stove in the +corner--one of those tall, square, stately white porcelain things that +looks like a monument and keeps you thinking of death when you ought to +be enjoying your travels. The windows looked out on a little alley, and +over that into a stable and some poultry and pig yards in the rear of +some tenement-houses. There were the customary two beds in the room, +one in one end, the other in the other, about an old-fashioned +brass-mounted, single-barreled pistol-shot apart. They were fully +as narrow as the usual German bed, too, and had the German bed's +ineradicable habit of spilling the blankets on the floor every time you +forgot yourself and went to sleep. + +A round table as large as King Arthur's stood in the center of the room; +while the waiters were getting ready to serve our dinner on it we +all went out to see the renowned clock on the front of the municipal +buildings. + + + +CHAPTER XII + +[What the Wives Saved] + + +The RATHHAUS, or municipal building, is of the quaintest and most +picturesque Middle-Age architecture. It has a massive portico and steps, +before it, heavily balustraded, and adorned with life-sized rusty iron +knights in complete armor. The clock-face on the front of the building +is very large and of curious pattern. Ordinarily, a gilded angel +strikes the hour on a big bell with a hammer; as the striking ceases, a +life-sized figure of Time raises its hour-glass and turns it; two golden +rams advance and butt each other; a gilded cock lifts its wings; but the +main features are two great angels, who stand on each side of the dial +with long horns at their lips; it was said that they blew melodious +blasts on these horns every hour--but they did not do it for us. We were +told, later, that they blew only at night, when the town was still. + +Within the RATHHAUS were a number of huge wild boars' heads, preserved, +and mounted on brackets along the wall; they bore inscriptions telling +who killed them and how many hundred years ago it was done. One room in +the building was devoted to the preservation of ancient archives. There +they showed us no end of aged documents; some were signed by Popes, +some by Tilly and other great generals, and one was a letter written and +subscribed by Goetz von Berlichingen in Heilbronn in 1519 just after his +release from the Square Tower. + + + +This fine old robber-knight was a devoutly and sincerely religious +man, hospitable, charitable to the poor, fearless in fight, active, +enterprising, and possessed of a large and generous nature. He had in +him a quality of being able to overlook moderate injuries, and being +able to forgive and forget mortal ones as soon as he had soundly +trounced the authors of them. He was prompt to take up any poor devil's +quarrel and risk his neck to right him. The common folk held him dear, +and his memory is still green in ballad and tradition. He used to go on +the highway and rob rich wayfarers; and other times he would swoop down +from his high castle on the hills of the Neckar and capture passing +cargoes of merchandise. In his memoirs he piously thanks the Giver of +all Good for remembering him in his needs and delivering sundry such +cargoes into his hands at times when only special providences could have +relieved him. He was a doughty warrior and found a deep joy in battle. +In an assault upon a stronghold in Bavaria when he was only twenty-three +years old, his right hand was shot away, but he was so interested in the +fight that he did not observe it for a while. He said that the iron hand +which was made for him afterward, and which he wore for more than half a +century, was nearly as clever a member as the fleshy one had been. I was +glad to get a facsimile of the letter written by this fine old German +Robin Hood, though I was not able to read it. He was a better artist +with his sword than with his pen. + +We went down by the river and saw the Square Tower. It was a very +venerable structure, very strong, and very ornamental. There was no +opening near the ground. They had to use a ladder to get into it, no +doubt. + +We visited the principal church, also--a curious old structure, with a +towerlike spire adorned with all sorts of grotesque images. The inner +walls of the church were placarded with large mural tablets of copper, +bearing engraved inscriptions celebrating the merits of old Heilbronn +worthies of two or three centuries ago, and also bearing rudely painted +effigies of themselves and their families tricked out in the queer +costumes of those days. The head of the family sat in the foreground, +and beyond him extended a sharply receding and diminishing row of +sons; facing him sat his wife, and beyond her extended a low row of +diminishing daughters. The family was usually large, but the perspective +bad. + +Then we hired the hack and the horse which Goetz von Berlichingen used +to use, and drove several miles into the country to visit the place +called WEIBERTREU--Wife's Fidelity I suppose it means. It was a feudal +castle of the Middle Ages. When we reached its neighborhood we found +it was beautifully situated, but on top of a mound, or hill, round and +tolerably steep, and about two hundred feet high. Therefore, as the sun +was blazing hot, we did not climb up there, but took the place on trust, +and observed it from a distance while the horse leaned up against a +fence and rested. The place has no interest except that which is lent it +by its legend, which is a very pretty one--to this effect: + +THE LEGEND + +In the Middle Ages, a couple of young dukes, brothers, took opposite +sides in one of the wars, the one fighting for the Emperor, the other +against him. One of them owned the castle and village on top of the +mound which I have been speaking of, and in his absence his brother +came with his knights and soldiers and began a siege. It was a long and +tedious business, for the people made a stubborn and faithful defense. +But at last their supplies ran out and starvation began its work; +more fell by hunger than by the missiles of the enemy. They by and +by surrendered, and begged for charitable terms. But the beleaguering +prince was so incensed against them for their long resistance that he +said he would spare none but the women and children--all men should be +put to the sword without exception, and all their goods destroyed. Then +the women came and fell on their knees and begged for the lives of their +husbands. + +"No," said the prince, "not a man of them shall escape alive; you +yourselves shall go with your children into houseless and friendless +banishment; but that you may not starve I grant you this one grace, +that each woman may bear with her from this place as much of her most +valuable property as she is able to carry." + +Very well, presently the gates swung open and out filed those women +carrying their HUSBANDS on their shoulders. The besiegers, furious at +the trick, rushed forward to slaughter the men, but the Duke stepped +between and said: + +"No, put up your swords--a prince's word is inviolable." + +When we got back to the hotel, King Arthur's Round Table was ready for +us in its white drapery, and the head waiter and his first assistant, in +swallow-tails and white cravats, brought in the soup and the hot plates +at once. + +Mr. X had ordered the dinner, and when the wine came on, he picked up +a bottle, glanced at the label, and then turned to the grave, the +melancholy, the sepulchral head waiter and said it was not the sort of +wine he had asked for. The head waiter picked up the bottle, cast his +undertaker-eye on it and said: + +"It is true; I beg pardon." Then he turned on his subordinate and calmly +said, "Bring another label." + + + +At the same time he slid the present label off with his hand and laid it +aside; it had been newly put on, its paste was still wet. When the new +label came, he put it on; our French wine being now turned into German +wine, according to desire, the head waiter went blandly about his other +duties, as if the working of this sort of miracle was a common and easy +thing to him. + +Mr. X said he had not known, before, that there were people honest +enough to do this miracle in public, but he was aware that thousands +upon thousands of labels were imported into America from Europe every +year, to enable dealers to furnish to their customers in a quiet and +inexpensive way all the different kinds of foreign wines they might +require. + +We took a turn around the town, after dinner, and found it fully as +interesting in the moonlight as it had been in the daytime. The streets +were narrow and roughly paved, and there was not a sidewalk or a +street-lamp anywhere. The dwellings were centuries old, and vast enough +for hotels. They widened all the way up; the stories projected further +and further forward and aside as they ascended, and the long rows +of lighted windows, filled with little bits of panes, curtained with +figured white muslin and adorned outside with boxes of flowers, made a +pretty effect. + + + +The moon was bright, and the light and shadow very strong; and nothing +could be more picturesque than those curving streets, with their rows +of huge high gables leaning far over toward each other in a friendly +gossiping way, and the crowds below drifting through the alternating +blots of gloom and mellow bars of moonlight. Nearly everybody was +abroad, chatting, singing, romping, or massed in lazy comfortable +attitudes in the doorways. + +In one place there was a public building which was fenced about with a +thick, rusty chain, which sagged from post to post in a succession of +low swings. The pavement, here, was made of heavy blocks of stone. In +the glare of the moon a party of barefooted children were swinging on +those chains and having a noisy good time. They were not the first ones +who have done that; even their great-great-grandfathers had not been the +first to do it when they were children. The strokes of the bare feet +had worn grooves inches deep in the stone flags; it had taken many +generations of swinging children to accomplish that. + + + +Everywhere in the town were the mold and decay that go with antiquity, +and evidence of it; but I do not know that anything else gave us so +vivid a sense of the old age of Heilbronn as those footworn grooves in +the paving-stones. + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +[My Long Crawl in the Dark] + + +When we got back to the hotel I wound and set the pedometer and put +it in my pocket, for I was to carry it next day and keep record of the +miles we made. The work which we had given the instrument to do during +the day which had just closed had not fatigued it perceptibly. + +We were in bed by ten, for we wanted to be up and away on our tramp +homeward with the dawn. I hung fire, but Harris went to sleep at once. +I hate a man who goes to sleep at once; there is a sort of indefinable +something about it which is not exactly an insult, and yet is an +insolence; and one which is hard to bear, too. I lay there fretting +over this injury, and trying to go to sleep; but the harder I tried, the +wider awake I grew. I got to feeling very lonely in the dark, with no +company but an undigested dinner. My mind got a start by and by, and +began to consider the beginning of every subject which has ever been +thought of; but it never went further than the beginning; it was touch +and go; it fled from topic to topic with a frantic speed. At the end of +an hour my head was in a perfect whirl and I was dead tired, fagged out. + +The fatigue was so great that it presently began to make some head +against the nervous excitement; while imagining myself wide awake, I +would really doze into momentary unconsciousness, and come suddenly out +of it with a physical jerk which nearly wrenched my joints apart--the +delusion of the instant being that I was tumbling backward over a +precipice. After I had fallen over eight or nine precipices and thus +found out that one half of my brain had been asleep eight or nine times +without the wide-awake, hard-working other half suspecting it, the +periodical unconsciousnesses began to extend their spell gradually over +more of my brain-territory, and at last I sank into a drowse which grew +deeper and deeper and was doubtless just on the very point of being a +solid, blessed dreamless stupor, when--what was that? + +My dulled faculties dragged themselves partly back to life and took a +receptive attitude. Now out of an immense, a limitless distance, came +a something which grew and grew, and approached, and presently was +recognizable as a sound--it had rather seemed to be a feeling, before. +This sound was a mile away, now--perhaps it was the murmur of a storm; +and now it was nearer--not a quarter of a mile away; was it the muffled +rasping and grinding of distant machinery? No, it came still nearer; was +it the measured tramp of a marching troop? But it came nearer still, +and still nearer--and at last it was right in the room: it was merely +a mouse gnawing the woodwork. So I had held my breath all that time for +such a trifle. + + + +Well, what was done could not be helped; I would go to sleep at once and +make up the lost time. That was a thoughtless thought. Without intending +it--hardly knowing it--I fell to listening intently to that sound, and +even unconsciously counting the strokes of the mouse's nutmeg-grater. +Presently I was deriving exquisite suffering from this employment, yet +maybe I could have endured it if the mouse had attended steadily to +his work; but he did not do that; he stopped every now and then, and I +suffered more while waiting and listening for him to begin again than +I did while he was gnawing. Along at first I was mentally offering a +reward of five--six--seven--ten--dollars for that mouse; but toward +the last I was offering rewards which were entirely beyond my means. I +close-reefed my ears--that is to say, I bent the flaps of them down +and furled them into five or six folds, and pressed them against the +hearing-orifice--but it did no good: the faculty was so sharpened +by nervous excitement that it was become a microphone and could hear +through the overlays without trouble. + +My anger grew to a frenzy. I finally did what all persons before me have +done, clear back to Adam,--resolved to throw something. I reached down +and got my walking-shoes, then sat up in bed and listened, in order to +exactly locate the noise. But I couldn't do it; it was as unlocatable as +a cricket's noise; and where one thinks that that is, is always the very +place where it isn't. So I presently hurled a shoe at random, and with +a vicious vigor. It struck the wall over Harris's head and fell down on +him; I had not imagined I could throw so far. It woke Harris, and I was +glad of it until I found he was not angry; then I was sorry. He soon +went to sleep again, which pleased me; but straightway the mouse began +again, which roused my temper once more. I did not want to wake Harris +a second time, but the gnawing continued until I was compelled to throw +the other shoe. + + + +This time I broke a mirror--there were two in the room--I got the +largest one, of course. Harris woke again, but did not complain, and +I was sorrier than ever. I resolved that I would suffer all possible +torture before I would disturb him a third time. + +The mouse eventually retired, and by and by I was sinking to sleep, when +a clock began to strike; I counted till it was done, and was about to +drowse again when another clock began; I counted; then the two great +RATHHAUS clock angels began to send forth soft, rich, melodious blasts +from their long trumpets. I had never heard anything that was so lovely, +or weird, or mysterious--but when they got to blowing the quarter-hours, +they seemed to me to be overdoing the thing. Every time I dropped +off for the moment, a new noise woke me. Each time I woke I missed my +coverlet, and had to reach down to the floor and get it again. + +At last all sleepiness forsook me. I recognized the fact that I was +hopelessly and permanently wide awake. Wide awake, and feverish and +thirsty. When I had lain tossing there as long as I could endure it, it +occurred to me that it would be a good idea to dress and go out in the +great square and take a refreshing wash in the fountain, and smoke and +reflect there until the remnant of the night was gone. + +I believed I could dress in the dark without waking Harris. I had +banished my shoes after the mouse, but my slippers would do for a summer +night. So I rose softly, and gradually got on everything--down to one +sock. I couldn't seem to get on the track of that sock, any way I could +fix it. But I had to have it; so I went down on my hands and knees, with +one slipper on and the other in my hand, and began to paw gently around +and rake the floor, but with no success. I enlarged my circle, and went +on pawing and raking. With every pressure of my knee, how the floor +creaked! and every time I chanced to rake against any article, it seemed +to give out thirty-five or thirty-six times more noise than it would +have done in the daytime. In those cases I always stopped and held +my breath till I was sure Harris had not awakened--then I crept along +again. I moved on and on, but I could not find the sock; I could not +seem to find anything but furniture. I could not remember that there was +much furniture in the room when I went to bed, but the place was alive +with it now --especially chairs--chairs everywhere--had a couple of +families moved in, in the mean time? And I never could seem to GLANCE on +one of those chairs, but always struck it full and square with my head. +My temper rose, by steady and sure degrees, and as I pawed on and on, I +fell to making vicious comments under my breath. + + + +Finally, with a venomous access of irritation, I said I would leave +without the sock; so I rose up and made straight for the door--as I +supposed--and suddenly confronted my dim spectral image in the unbroken +mirror. It startled the breath out of me, for an instant; it also showed +me that I was lost, and had no sort of idea where I was. When I realized +this, I was so angry that I had to sit down on the floor and take hold +of something to keep from lifting the roof off with an explosion of +opinion. If there had been only one mirror, it might possibly have +helped to locate me; but there were two, and two were as bad as a +thousand; besides, these were on opposite sides of the room. I could see +the dim blur of the windows, but in my turned-around condition they were +exactly where they ought not to be, and so they only confused me instead +of helping me. + +I started to get up, and knocked down an umbrella; it made a noise +like a pistol-shot when it struck that hard, slick, carpetless floor; +I grated my teeth and held my breath--Harris did not stir. I set the +umbrella slowly and carefully on end against the wall, but as soon as +I took my hand away, its heel slipped from under it, and down it came +again with another bang. I shrunk together and listened a moment in +silent fury--no harm done, everything quiet. With the most painstaking +care and nicety, I stood the umbrella up once more, took my hand away, +and down it came again. + +I have been strictly reared, but if it had not been so dark and solemn +and awful there in that lonely, vast room, I do believe I should have +said something then which could not be put into a Sunday-school book +without injuring the sale of it. If my reasoning powers had not been +already sapped dry by my harassments, I would have known better than to +try to set an umbrella on end on one of those glassy German floors in +the dark; it can't be done in the daytime without four failures to one +success. I had one comfort, though--Harris was yet still and silent--he +had not stirred. + +The umbrella could not locate me--there were four standing around the +room, and all alike. I thought I would feel along the wall and find the +door in that way. I rose up and began this operation, but raked down +a picture. It was not a large one, but it made noise enough for a +panorama. Harris gave out no sound, but I felt that if I experimented +any further with the pictures I should be sure to wake him. Better give +up trying to get out. Yes, I would find King Arthur's Round Table once +more--I had already found it several times--and use it for a base of +departure on an exploring tour for my bed; if I could find my bed I +could then find my water pitcher; I would quench my raging thirst and +turn in. So I started on my hands and knees, because I could go faster +that way, and with more confidence, too, and not knock down things. By +and by I found the table--with my head--rubbed the bruise a little, then +rose up and started, with hands abroad and fingers spread, to balance +myself. I found a chair; then a wall; then another chair; then a sofa; +then an alpenstock, then another sofa; this confounded me, for I had +thought there was only one sofa. I hunted up the table again and took a +fresh start; found some more chairs. + +It occurred to me, now, as it ought to have done before, that as the +table was round, it was therefore of no value as a base to aim from; so +I moved off once more, and at random among the wilderness of chairs and +sofas--wandering off into unfamiliar regions, and presently knocked a +candlestick and knocked off a lamp, grabbed at the lamp and knocked +off a water pitcher with a rattling crash, and thought to myself, +"I've found you at last--I judged I was close upon you." Harris shouted +"murder," and "thieves," and finished with "I'm absolutely drowned." + +The crash had roused the house. Mr. X pranced in, in his long +night-garment, with a candle, young Z after him with another candle; a +procession swept in at another door, with candles and lanterns--landlord +and two German guests in their nightgowns and a chambermaid in hers. + +I looked around; I was at Harris's bed, a Sabbath-day's journey from my +own. There was only one sofa; it was against the wall; there was only +one chair where a body could get at it--I had been revolving around it +like a planet, and colliding with it like a comet half the night. + + + +I explained how I had been employing myself, and why. Then the +landlord's party left, and the rest of us set about our preparations for +breakfast, for the dawn was ready to break. I glanced furtively at my +pedometer, and found I had made 47 miles. But I did not care, for I had +come out for a pedestrian tour anyway. + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +[Rafting Down the Neckar] + + +When the landlord learned that I and my agents were artists, our party +rose perceptibly in his esteem; we rose still higher when he learned +that we were making a pedestrian tour of Europe. + +He told us all about the Heidelberg road, and which were the best places +to avoid and which the best ones to tarry at; he charged me less than +cost for the things I broke in the night; he put up a fine luncheon +for us and added to it a quantity of great light-green plums, the +pleasantest fruit in Germany; he was so anxious to do us honor that he +would not allow us to walk out of Heilbronn, but called up Goetz von +Berlichingen's horse and cab and made us ride. + +I made a sketch of the turnout. It is not a Work, it is only what +artists call a "study"--a thing to make a finished picture from. This +sketch has several blemishes in it; for instance, the wagon is not +traveling as fast as the horse is. This is wrong. Again, the person +trying to get out of the way is too small; he is out of perspective, +as we say. The two upper lines are not the horse's back, they are the +reigns; there seems to be a wheel missing--this would be corrected in a +finished Work, of course. This thing flying out behind is not a flag, +it is a curtain. That other thing up there is the sun, but I didn't get +enough distance on it. I do not remember, now, what that thing is that +is in front of the man who is running, but I think it is a haystack or a +woman. This study was exhibited in the Paris Salon of 1879, but did not +take any medal; they do not give medals for studies. + + + +We discharged the carriage at the bridge. The river was full of +logs--long, slender, barkless pine logs--and we leaned on the rails +of the bridge, and watched the men put them together into rafts. These +rafts were of a shape and construction to suit the crookedness and +extreme narrowness of the Neckar. They were from fifty to one hundred +yards long, and they gradually tapered from a nine-log breadth at their +sterns, to a three-log breadth at their bow-ends. The main part of the +steering is done at the bow, with a pole; the three-log breadth there +furnishes room for only the steersman, for these little logs are not +larger around than an average young lady's waist. The connections of the +several sections of the raft are slack and pliant, so that the raft +may be readily bent into any sort of curve required by the shape of the +river. + +The Neckar is in many places so narrow that a person can throw a dog +across it, if he has one; when it is also sharply curved in such places, +the raftsman has to do some pretty nice snug piloting to make the turns. +The river is not always allowed to spread over its whole bed--which is +as much as thirty, and sometimes forty yards wide--but is split into +three equal bodies of water, by stone dikes which throw the main +volume, depth, and current into the central one. In low water these neat +narrow-edged dikes project four or five inches above the surface, like +the comb of a submerged roof, but in high water they are overflowed. A +hatful of rain makes high water in the Neckar, and a basketful produces +an overflow. + +There are dikes abreast the Schloss Hotel, and the current is violently +swift at that point. I used to sit for hours in my glass cage, watching +the long, narrow rafts slip along through the central channel, grazing +the right-bank dike and aiming carefully for the middle arch of the +stone bridge below; I watched them in this way, and lost all this time +hoping to see one of them hit the bridge-pier and wreck itself sometime +or other, but was always disappointed. One was smashed there one +morning, but I had just stepped into my room a moment to light a pipe, +so I lost it. + +While I was looking down upon the rafts that morning in Heilbronn, the +daredevil spirit of adventure came suddenly upon me, and I said to my +comrades: + +"I am going to Heidelberg on a raft. Will you venture with me?" + +Their faces paled a little, but they assented with as good a grace as +they could. Harris wanted to cable his mother--thought it his duty to +do that, as he was all she had in this world--so, while he attended to +this, I went down to the longest and finest raft and hailed the captain +with a hearty "Ahoy, shipmate!" which put us upon pleasant terms at +once, and we entered upon business. I said we were on a pedestrian tour +to Heidelberg, and would like to take passage with him. I said this +partly through young Z, who spoke German very well, and partly through +Mr. X, who spoke it peculiarly. I can UNDERSTAND German as well as the +maniac that invented it, but I TALK it best through an interpreter. + +The captain hitched up his trousers, then shifted his quid thoughtfully. +Presently he said just what I was expecting he would say--that he had no +license to carry passengers, and therefore was afraid the law would be +after him in case the matter got noised about or any accident happened. +So I CHARTERED the raft and the crew and took all the responsibilities +on myself. + + + +With a rattling song the starboard watch bent to their work and hove +the cable short, then got the anchor home, and our bark moved off with a +stately stride, and soon was bowling along at about two knots an hour. + +Our party were grouped amidships. At first the talk was a little gloomy, +and ran mainly upon the shortness of life, the uncertainty of it, the +perils which beset it, and the need and wisdom of being always prepared +for the worst; this shaded off into low-voiced references to the dangers +of the deep, and kindred matters; but as the gray east began to redden +and the mysterious solemnity and silence of the dawn to give place +to the joy-songs of the birds, the talk took a cheerier tone, and our +spirits began to rise steadily. + +Germany, in the summer, is the perfection of the beautiful, but nobody +has understood, and realized, and enjoyed the utmost possibilities of +this soft and peaceful beauty unless he has voyaged down the Neckar on +a raft. The motion of a raft is the needful motion; it is gentle, +and gliding, and smooth, and noiseless; it calms down all feverish +activities, it soothes to sleep all nervous hurry and impatience; under +its restful influence all the troubles and vexations and sorrows that +harass the mind vanish away, and existence becomes a dream, a charm, +a deep and tranquil ecstasy. How it contrasts with hot and perspiring +pedestrianism, and dusty and deafening railroad rush, and tedious +jolting behind tired horses over blinding white roads! + +We went slipping silently along, between the green and fragrant banks, +with a sense of pleasure and contentment that grew, and grew, all the +time. Sometimes the banks were overhung with thick masses of willows +that wholly hid the ground behind; sometimes we had noble hills on one +hand, clothed densely with foliage to their tops, and on the other hand +open levels blazing with poppies, or clothed in the rich blue of +the corn-flower; sometimes we drifted in the shadow of forests, and +sometimes along the margin of long stretches of velvety grass, fresh and +green and bright, a tireless charm to the eye. And the birds!--they were +everywhere; they swept back and forth across the river constantly, and +their jubilant music was never stilled. + +It was a deep and satisfying pleasure to see the sun create the new +morning, and gradually, patiently, lovingly, clothe it on with splendor +after splendor, and glory after glory, till the miracle was complete. +How different is this marvel observed from a raft, from what it is when +one observes it through the dingy windows of a railway-station in some +wretched village while he munches a petrified sandwich and waits for the +train. + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD *** + +***** This file should be named 5783.txt or 5783.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/5/7/8/5783/ + +Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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