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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b2c6d97 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #56287 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/56287) diff --git a/old/56287-0.txt b/old/56287-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index edb56d6..0000000 --- a/old/56287-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,3221 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Simplex Munditiis, Gentlemen, by -Mortimer Delano de Lannoy and Reginald Harvey Arnold - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Simplex Munditiis, Gentlemen - -Author: Mortimer Delano de Lannoy - Reginald Harvey Arnold - -Release Date: January 2, 2018 [EBook #56287] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS, GENTLEMEN *** - - - - -Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive) - - - - - - - - - - -SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS - - - - - SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS - - GENTLEMEN - - [Illustration] - - NEW-YORK - THE DE VINNE PRESS - MDCCCXCI - - Copyright, 1891, by the - SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS PUBLISHING CO. - - - - - TO - ALL WHO ADMIRE - PERFECT DRESS AND CORRECT SOCIAL HABITS - - This Book is Dedicated - - IN THE HOPE THAT - THE PRINCIPLES IT TEACHES MAY PROMOTE - STRICT OBSERVANCE OF THE - USAGES OF SOCIETY. - - - - -PART I - -DRESS FOR GENTLEMEN - - - - -CONTENTS - - - PAGE - - INTRODUCTION 11 - - MORNING WEAR 15 - - AFTERNOON DRESS 21 - - EVENING DRESS 27 - - THE OVERCOAT 33 - - ATTIRE FOR RIDING, DRIVING, TRAVELING, - YACHTING, AND LOUNGING 38 - - HOUSE WEAR 48 - - SLEEPING ATTIRE 50 - - LINEN 51 - - UNDERCLOTHING 55 - - THE ART OF DRESSING THE COLLAR 57 - - WALKING STICK AND UMBRELLA 63 - - MISCELLANIES 65 - - DRESS FOR WEDDINGS—FUNERALS—CHRISTENINGS—AT - HOME OR CHURCH—NEW YEAR’S - CALLS—MOURNING—CHURCH - WEAR—SUSPENDERS—UPPERS—ATTIRE - MADE TO ORDER—BLONDES AND - BRUNETTES—JEWELRY—DRESSING CASE—ARTICLES - FOR SAME—RUBBERS—ENGLISH RAIN - ATTIRE—CLOTH BANDS ON TOP-HATS—WIGS—OPERA - GLASS—DECORATIONS—FANS—TROUSERS - CREASE—POCKETS—MONOCLE—DRESS - SHIELDS—ENGLISH HUNT ATTIRE—HUNT - BALL—CLOSING REMARKS. - - - - -_INTRODUCTION_ - - -_Dress is the embodiment of taste and refinement. A man looks, and is, -distinguished, when he shows simple elegance in his dress. It is not -necessary to have wealth in order to dress well. With judgment and -economy, one can be something of a dresser. This book is but a guide for -men who desire to dress, and are perplexed by the multitude of things -there are to wear, and the ever-changing styles._ - -_When a thing becomes vulgarly popular, then, if you wish to be in dress, -as well as manners, a gentleman, cast it aside, and seek something newer -and less common._ - -_Dressing may be carried to any extent, but it is not good taste to do -so._ - -_A gentleman is conspicuous for one thing only—his good taste. Above all -dress are manners and grace. Without these, one can never be a gentleman._ - -_In the other part of this work, manners and customs may be studied._ - -_A gentleman is a man of taste, culture, and refinement._ - -_No man is a gentleman who merely does the acts of a gentleman. He must -show good breeding—in dress, manners, and conversation._ - -_His dress is the perfection of raiment. His manner is grace and ease -personified. His conversation, knowledge itself._ - -_Proud, indeed, may the man be who can write after his name—gentleman._ - -_Let “Simplex Munditiis” be your motto for dress._ - -_Each person must remember one thing: that, to be distingué in dress, he -must dress, as regards material, richly; and, as to pattern of cloth, -plainly. In other words, simple elegance shows the gentleman._ - -_Everything you wear must be immaculate._ - -_There are three dress divisions of the day:_ - -_Morning wear._ - -_Afternoon dress._ - -_Evening dress._ - -_The first may be worn any time of the day before_ 6 P. M., _though it -belongs to the morning_. - -_The second is not worn before_ 2 P. M. - -_The third is not worn before_ 6 P. M. - -_The attire for all athletic games, sports, amusements, for the clergy, -and gentlemen in the army and navy, it is not within the province of -this work to treat of. In fact, we treat of only that which is worn by -a gentleman at home or abroad, in summer or winter, when mingling in -society._ - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -MORNING WEAR - -WORN ANY TIME OF DAY - - -Indoors or outdoors, morning wear consists of the following, as the -tastes of the wearer may dictate. - -_The Head._—The black felt derby is the proper hat for morning. The light -brown in derbys is a pleasing change for spring, summer, or fall wear. -But never be without a black derby, as it is the hat worn when not in -formal dress. - -A derby is never worn with a frock body-coat, a cutaway body-coat, a -Cowes body-coat, on a dress body-coat. It belongs entirely to the -walking or sack body-coat. - -Have your hats made to order. You will be better pleased in the end. - -The derby is proper and becoming to men of all ages. I would caution any -one against wearing such derbys as are of a pearl, gray, drab, slate, and -cigar browns. These are all in bad taste. The slouch felt hat is ignored -by gentlemen. If a man desires light shades of derbys, then let him have -them the same shade as the suit he wears them with. - -_The Hand._—Gloves for morning wear should be a dark tan, and made of kid. - -Heavy weight for the winter months, and very light for summer. - -Raw seams and arrow-back stitching is the style. Generally one button -only on wrist. - -The leading furnishing shops are recommended for gloves. - -If possible, have your gloves made to order; you are then sure of a -perfect fit. - -Never wear a glove after it becomes soiled. It is just as bad as having -dirty hands. - -_The Foot._—Calf-skin, patent leather, and enamel leather, are used for -walking shoes. They should be made with moderately thick soles, taper at -the toes, and lace. - -It is best to have shoes made to order. Nothing about a man’s dress is so -quickly noticed as ill-fitting shoes. - -_The Body._—The body-coat: This is a black sack body-coat, either double -or single breasted. Both styles are correct. The materials used are -thibets, cheviots, and black serges. At present they are made with four -buttons, very wide collars, and very long in the body. - -The waistcoat: This always matches the body-coat in material and pattern. -Likewise, it may be double or single breasted. It is not necessary, in -this respect, for it to match the body-coat. - -Trousers: These may be of any material and pattern. They may match -the material of the body-coat, or not, as the taste of the wearer may -dictate. It is better taste to wear dark trousers with morning wear. See -that your trousers have the proper cut, and fit perfectly. This is at -once the most difficult to fit, and the ugliest part—if ill-fitting—of -the attire for men. Therefore, give it the most attention. In order -to have them cut correctly you must rely on the fashion-plate and its -accompanying directions. Insist on your directions being followed by the -tailor. - -There is also the cutaway suit for morning wear. This is worn mostly by -elderly and heavily built men. It consists of a cutaway body-coat four -buttons, waistcoat single-breasted, and trousers. These three pieces are -always of the same material and pattern. The same things are worn with -this as with the sack body-coat. - - * * * * * - -Heavy cloths for winter and light weights for summer wear. - -The sack body-coat becomes all men, tall or short, thin or stout, old or -young. - -Fancy serge waistcoats, also fine linen waistcoats, and sashes in summer, -may be worn with the sack body-coat. - -Never wear trousers and waistcoat of one pattern, and body-coat another; -it is exceeding bad taste. - -Suits, perfectly correct and very elegant, are made of selected -materials. - -The sack body-coat, waistcoat, and trousers are always, in this case, -from the same piece of goods. Some beautiful materials of light shades -are made for summer wear. For winter wear darker and slightly heavier -materials are used. - - * * * * * - -_A Morning Promenade Dress._—This consists of frock body-coat, waistcoat, -and trousers. These three pieces are always cut from the same material -and pattern. The body-coat and waistcoat may be single or double-breasted. - -Only light shades or patterns of cloths are used. Never have this -promenade dress in black. The correct head covering is the black silk -top-hat with this promenade dress. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -AFTERNOON DRESS - -WORN AFTER TWO P. M. - - -_The Head._—A black silk top-hat. Always of the latest pattern, either -Paris, London, or New-York make. All are equally stylish. This hat, above -all others, should be made to order; this being necessary if you desire a -fit both becoming and comfortable. - -In this city spring and summer have light weights. For fall and winter a -slightly heavier hat is made. This is the only proper hat for afternoon -dress in summer or winter. - -_The Hand._—Light or dark tan kid walking gloves are worn. The back -stitching may be black silk or same shade as the glove. One or two -buttons. - -Undressed kid gloves, either light or dark shades, are also worn -especially for afternoon receptions. - -_The Foot._—The leathers used are patent, and enamel. Laced Bluchers are -worn at this time of day. For summer wear, the same, or the same leathers -made in ties. Again, I caution you to pay particular attention to the -fit, and have them made to order. You exercise your own taste as to the -style the shoe is made in. - -_The Body._—The proper body-coat is the black cutaway. This is now -made with three buttons, and wide collar cut low, single-breasted. The -material used is diagonal. This body-coat should be of light weight, as -it is a dress body-coat. French Thibets are also used. - -_The Waistcoat._—This is made of the same material as the body-coat. It -may be double or single breasted. The waistcoat should be cut low in -front, that the large puff scarf may be well exposed. Four buttons. - -Waistcoats may be of selected materials such as fancy serges and fine -linens. In summer white or black silk sashes are worn. - -_The Trousers._—These should be carefully selected and well-fitted. The -material and pattern should go well with black, as this is always the -color of the afternoon body-coat. - -Any pattern, checks, stripes, etc., may be worn for afternoon dress. -Never wear loud patterns; they are exceedingly bad taste and rowdyish. - -Never wear trousers of the same material as the body-coat or waistcoat, -as it is not afternoon dress. - -Very light patterns may be worn in summer. In winter slightly darker -patterns are worn. - -If pockets are placed in trousers they are apt to be used; this spoils -the set of the cloth around the hips. Therefore leave them out if -possible. - -As a rule, the bottoms of trousers should be turned up—about two -inches—while walking in the street. Of course, on a clear day this is -unnecessary. - -_Frock Body-coat._—This is the formal afternoon dress body-coat. In Paris -the men wear no other. - -It is never worn before 4.30 P. M. - -It is worn at day weddings, at teas, receptions, and on the promenade. - -The material used is the same as in a cutaway body-coat. Always black -goods. - -The same things are worn with a frock body-coat as with a cutaway -body-coat. - -It is made single or double breasted. - -The wardrobe of a gentleman is never complete without one or more frock -body-coats. - -The frock body-coat is always worn buttoned. It is worn in summer, but -always with a waistcoat. - - * * * * * - -The cutaway body-coat is worn buttoned in winter, and may sometimes be -worn with rolled back collar in summer. - -There is also a double-breasted cutaway body-coat, three buttons, always -black. This is worn more for promenading than anything else. - -This can be worn in winter—on mild days—without a top-coat or greatcoat. -The waistcoat matches it and the trousers are selected. - -Sometimes, for promenading in the spring, a frock body-coat with -waistcoat and trousers of the same piece of goods is worn. In this case -the material is some smooth, light-colored pattern. - -Again, only a black silk top-hat can be worn with this frock suit. - -This suit is worn without a greatcoat or light overcoat. - -Afternoon dress is worn at day weddings, afternoon receptions, teas, -matinées, exhibitions of all kinds where ladies are present, and when -promenading with ladies. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -EVENING DRESS - -WORN AFTER SIX P. M. - - -This is the culmination of grandeur in the dress of gentlemen. Bulwer’s -novel “Henry Pelham” is responsible for the almost complete blackness of -the attire for this otherwise gayest time of day. - -_The Head._—The black silk top-hat is supreme and only here, as in -afternoon dress. Same style as that worn for afternoon dress. The crush -opera-hat is entirely out of style in this city. When indoors, the -top-hat should be carried in the left hand. The exceptions to this rule -are dances, evening receptions, and dinners. - -_The Hand._—The white kid glove goes with evening dress, and must always -be worn with it, except at or during a dinner. - -The back stitching may be self or black. - -Pearl or gray shades are sometimes worn. No other covering should be worn -on the hand after 6 P. M. - -If one travels through the streets and on the cars, the best glove to -wear—and perfectly proper—is the black kid glove, with black stitching, -worn only while _en route_. - -Never wear tan-colored or any light shades of gloves with evening dress, -indoors or out-of-doors. It is bad taste, and looks, as it is, shoddy. -You may wear white evening gloves at any time or place after 6 P. M., and -you are not complete in your dress unless you so do. - -_The Foot._—Dancing pumps are little worn in this city, in fact they are -_passé_. The climate is such, a man could never be out of his carriage, -if he wore pumps, without risk of a catarrh. - -The proper shoe is made of patent leather, button, kid uppers, and no -tips. This is the shoe for evening dress. - -Have them made to order, as that is the only way to secure a perfect fit. - -_The Body._—The evening dress body-coat is always of a black material. - -A radical change has taken place in the material used. Dress for evening -wear, especially among young men, no longer consists of the heavy, stiff -broadcloths and doeskins, but is now made of fine diagonals, of an almost -silky texture. - -This is the body-coat above all others. Much care should be given the -fitting and style. They are made now with shawl collar, and silk lined. -Never wear any kind of binding on the body-coat. Do not wear buttons and -buttonholes on the sleeve of body-coat. The styles, changing each year, -should be followed minutely. - -In evening dress one must appear a gentleman, if it is in him at all. - -_The Waistcoat._—Materials used, same as body-coat, or white silks and -black silks. Patterns selected as taste directs. Of course the waistcoat -is confined strictly to black or white. - -It may be three or four buttons; double or single breasted. It may be low -or high. Never wear linen waistcoats for evening dress. - -_The Trousers._—Black, and always the same material as the body-coat. As -much care is given to the set and fit, as to that of the body-coat. Leave -out pockets. Wide, black, silk-braided braid is worn on the outside of -trouser-legs. Width of legs, medium. - -_The Cowes or Tuxedo Body-coat._—This is for informal evening and home -wear. It is made of the same material as the dress body-coat. Shawl -collar. The same things are worn with it as with the dress body-coat. It -is worn at home, to informal dinners, the club, and the theater. - -For Sunday evenings this is worn in place of the dress body-coat, with -dress waistcoat, dress trousers, and black satin cravat. Again, only the -top-hat is worn with the Tuxedo body-coat. - -_Knee-Breeches._—These may be worn in place of dress trousers at any -grand ball, reception, or soirée. They are black silk or black satin, or -same material as dress body-coat. - -In Paris and London they are much worn. Patent leather pumps and black -silk stockings are worn. This is the only change in evening dress, when -knee-breeches are worn. - -Of course, in this attire you must always drive in a closed carriage. - -Flowered or figured colored waistcoats, double or single breasted, may -be worn; white or black preferred. The dress body-coats may also be in -colors as well as black. An elegant attire, such as this, is to be worn -for grand formal evening dress. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -THE OVERCOAT - - -_Greatcoat._—This is a heavy greatcoat, with or without a cape, as -fashion or taste may decide. Double or single breasted, long or short. It -is worn during the day only, either over morning wear or afternoon dress. - -It is most fashionable and elegant when made of some black or dark blue -material. - -The very latest in this greatcoat is made thus: very long—five inches -below knee—no fit, without seam in middle of back—broad shawl collar of -black velvet, single-breasted, dark blue box-cloth. It is shoulder-lined -with black silk. For afternoon dress wear only. - -One may follow his own taste in selecting a material for this day -greatcoat. - -This is made to wear during the coldest weather. It should be removed -immediately on going indoors. - -_Light Overcoat._—For fall and spring wear. This is box cut, made of a -light weight material. - -The overcoat for cool days and evening wear, as over evening dress in -summer, is of some selected black material. The day overcoat or afternoon -walking-coat is of some light pattern, selected according to taste of -wearer. These overcoats are now cut very short. - -These overcoats are worn over morning wear or afternoon dress, -particularly the light shades over the latter. - -_Driving Overcoat._—This is a box-coat cut long or short. Double or -single-breasted. The color should be light, as it will not show dust. - -Heavy material is used for winter and light for summer driving. - -_The Riding Top-coat._—This is a short English box-coat. The material is -soft and of medium weight. The color may be light or dark. - -_The Raglan._—“Lord Chumly,” Inverness, or sleeveless, greatcoat for -evening wear. - -This is the only greatcoat to wear over evening dress. - -It is always black, and with a large, full-length cape. - -There are no sleeves, the cape covering the arms completely. - -This is the perfect greatcoat to wear over evening dress, as removing and -placing on can be accomplished without disturbing in any way the dress. - -This greatcoat makes up for the ugliness of the day overcoats in the -graceful appearance it gives the wearer. - -It is worn at night only, in the carriage, or on the street. It is -removed on going indoors. - -Ulsters, fur greatcoats, and greatcoats with fur collars and cuffs, may -be worn for very cold weather. They are for day wear only. - -_The Mackintosh._—This is made in any pattern; the inner lining being -rubber. With or without cape. Double or single breasted. Light weights -for summer and heavy for winter wear. - -It is worn by day only. It may be worn with morning wear or afternoon -dress. In the latter a top-hat should never be worn with a mackintosh. -Only a derby is worn. - -In all cloudy, damp, or wet weather the mackintosh appears. - -It is not necessary to carry an umbrella. - -The mackintosh should be worn very long, and rather loose in fit. - - * * * * * - -You may follow the fashion-plate as regards the style your greatcoat or -overcoat is to be made in. - -You will discuss with your cutter the correct thing in seams, linings, -buttons, and pockets. These things are constantly changing, and therefore -have no fixed rule. - -Covered buttons are worn only on light walking overcoats and evening -greatcoats. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -ATTIRE FOR RIDING, DRIVING, TRAVELING, YACHTING, AND LOUNGING - - -RIDING - -_The Head._—Black derby for winter. Brown derby for summer. - -A cord is attached to the hat, which may be loosened and made fast to a -body-coat button. - -Same style of derby as that used for morning wear. The silk hat may be -worn for formal riding when without the top-coat. - -_The Hand._—Dark tan gloves or gauntlets, same as morning wear. - -_The Foot._—Riding boots or shoes are worn, according to taste of wearer. - -The leathers used are patent or enamel. - -Spurs of nickel or silver plate are worn. - -The crop is always carried. This is silver mounted, and any selected wood. - -_The Body._—A four-button, single-breasted cutaway of any selected -material and pattern—not black—is the proper body-coat. Very short -skirts. Waistcoat same, or selected material. High cut; single-breasted. - -_Trousers._—They may be long, with straps. - -They may be short—just below knee—buttoned at side and baggy above knee. -Riding boots or leggings are worn with the knee-breeches, while with the -trousers laced shoes are worn. The leggings are made to button, strap, or -hook. The most stylish leggings are of the same material as the breeches. - -Trousers or breeches should be of some light pattern; material should be -strong. They are lined on the seat and inner side of legs with chamois -skin. - -For evening rides, as in academies, the black silk top-hat, white suéde -gloves, single-breasted, black, cutaway body-coat, and strap trousers of -the same material. Spurs and crop may be worn. - -For elderly men the black body-coat and strap trousers may be worn during -the day. - - -DRIVING - -Morning wear is worn for morning drives. - -Afternoon drives, if formal, afternoon dress is worn. - -The same rule holds good when you handle the ribbons, as when the -coachman occupies the box. - -The driving overcoat is only worn in the box seat. - - -TRAVELING - -Morning wear is the proper dress for all travel, be it on ocean or land. - -Sack suits, double or single breasted, are exceedingly stylish and -comfortable. Dark colored material is doubtless the best, as it does -not show the dust and wear of travel. Heavy cloths for winter and light -weights for summer travel. - - -YACHTING - -This is worn on board ship any time of year. For visiting on shore, a -day or so, it may be worn, if your temporary home is the yacht. Heavy -material for winter, and light weights for summer. - -_Head._—The proper head apparel is the yachting cap. This may be made in -white or blue flannel, serge, or white canvas. - -The yachting cap is for morning, afternoon, or evening wear, in port or -at sea. - -_The Hand._—For all formal affairs on board ship, white suéde gloves -are worn. In winter or summer, tan kid gloves may be worn with yachting -attire. - -_Foot._—Either a blue or white canvas laced shoe or tie, with rubber -soles, for day wear. - -For summer evening wear, white suéde or canvas ties. For the same in -winter, evening dress-shoes. - -_Body._—For day wear, the double-breasted, sack body-coat. This may be -blue or white flannel, or serges in blue or white. Brass buttons are -generally used. - -_Waistcoat._—This may match the body-coat in material and color, and cut, -or not, as the wearer desires. - -_Trousers._—These always match the body-coat in material and color. - -White canvas suits may be worn, but they are coarse and clumsy. - -White trousers may also be worn with a blue body-coat. - - * * * * * - -For formal occasions, evening wear on a yacht consists of evening dress, -as on land. - -The silk negligé shirt is worn for day wear, if preferred to linen. - -The ties for day wear are four-in-hands and cravats, self-tying. - -These are in silk, either white, black, or blue, flowered, figured, or -solid colors. - -De Joinvilles, also, tied in bow knots, are worn. - - -LOUNGING - -This dress belongs strictly to the summer months; it is never worn in the -city. - -_The Head._—For day wear there is the white split straw, with white or -black silk bands. - -Also, the yachting cap, in white or black. This is made of flannel, or a -material matching the lounging suit. - -These hats are worn for tennis, walking, driving, riding, day receptions, -lawn parties, etc. However, these hats are never to be worn in the city. - -_The Hand._—White suéde gloves are worn with lounging suits, when walking -or driving. - -_The Foot._—White canvas, white suéde, tan or white buckskin, and patent -leather ties, are worn with lounging suits. - -For tennis, and games on the lawn, canvas, or suéde, or buckskin shoes, -or ties, with either felt or rubber soles, are used. - -Have these shoes fit, and look as neat as possible. - -_The Body._—First the material—this may be serge or flannel—though the -latter is out, for the reason that it is more heating than serge—these -are always full white. - -It consists of a long or short sack body-coat, waistcoat, and trousers. -The body-coat may be single or double breasted. - -The waistcoat may match the body-coat in cut and material or not. Fancy -patterns may be used. - -Trousers are always the same material and color as the body-coat. - -Have the cut loose, and almost flowing. - -The trousers may have a stripe at the side. No pockets. - -Lounging suits may also be made up in some selected pattern, as small -checks or narrow black stripes. But there is nothing so rich as the solid -white lounging suit. - -The sash or kummerbund.—The length is from four to five yards. Always tie -your sash—never wear those cheap, common made-ups. - -A sash may be worn any time of day. The material is always silk. Never -wear any but solid colors. Black silks and white silks are the most -elegant and correct. - -Sashes of maroon or dark blue are sometimes worn. The ends hang over the -left hip, and should be evenly tied. The sash is worn with a lounging -suit, morning wear, afternoon dress, and evening dress. - -The white sash is worn with a white lounging suit and evening dress only. - -The negligé shirt is made of silk, or cheviots. However, this is no -longer worn by young gentlemen of fashion. - -A word about this shirt—it is doubtless very comfortable, and can be worn -longer than linen, but it is not as cool as linen, nor does it look as -well about the neck. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -HOUSE WEAR - - -The formal dress is the same as that worn at any other house. - -In the privacy of your rooms, however, you change this attire for -something that is loose and comfortable. - -Sack body-coats of selected materials are used. The trousers are of some -black or blue material, as selected. - -There is also the smoking jacket and the poker jacket—these are in many -varieties of material and pattern. - -Again, we have the short and the long dressing-gowns. There are many -patterns to choose from. - -Before and after the bath, the bath-robe is put on. This differs from -the silk dressing-gown in being made of Turkish toweling. No part of -man’s attire is more brilliant or beautiful than this robe. The comfort -experienced in wearing is only equaled by its delicate and beautiful -colors. - -For the feet we have the slipper; this may be any leather and style your -taste desires. Slippers are also made to match the bath-robe in material -and pattern. - -You must not wear any of these things out of the privacy of your own -apartments. - -For a lunch at home you would wear morning wear; a reception or tea, -afternoon dress; evening affairs, evening dress. - -It is as necessary—in fact, it is due—when acting the part of the host to -look your best as when you are a guest. - -When you dine at home evening dress is always required. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -SLEEPING ATTIRE - - -These are pajamas—consisting of a loose fitting sack coat, and loose -fitting trousers. - -The material and pattern are selected as the wearer desires. - -Light weights for summer, and heavy for winter. Fine linen, silks, and -cheviots are used. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LINEN AND KERCHIEFS - - -This consists of the white linen shirt. It should always be made to -order, if a fit is desired. - -The shirt opens in front only. You may have two or three buttonholes in -the bosom. - -The collar and cuffs are attached. Never wear detachable collars and -cuffs. - -This shirt with the plain bosom is worn for morning wear, afternoon -dress, evening dress, or any other wear during the day. The same style of -shirt is worn winter or summer. - -Very elegant shirts are made for evening dress, consisting of embroidered -bosoms or frills of linen. With each change of wear the linen should also -be changed. - -At least three changes a day are made. - -The style of the collar. This may be very high, or medium, as your taste -directs. - -The cuffs should extend to the first thumb-joint. Cuffs are made with -round or square edges. - -The high, or standing, collar is worn with morning wear, afternoon dress, -evening dress, and all other dress. - -_The Handkerchief._—This is of pure white linen, with white borders. - -Embroidered or not, as taste dictates. - -The same style is carried with morning wear, afternoon dress, or evening -dress, or any other wear. - -The upper left outside pocket is the place to carry it, except in evening -dress, when it is carried in the left or right side upper inside -waistcoat pocket. - -The handkerchief of silk is carried with evening dress only. It is -carried in the right hand while dancing, and worn in the shirt front. - -It may be any pattern desired. White silk is always the body, the border -only being colored. - -_The neckerchief._ This is of silk, selected as to color and pattern. -This is worn around the neck with greatcoat during cold weather. - -It is not a good thing to wear, as far as health goes. - -It is not necessary to the stylish dresser. - -A gold pin may be worn in a neckerchief. - -_Waistcoat Facings._—These are seldom worn now by the dressers. - -The material used is linen or silk, always white. They are cut to match -the waistcoat, opening about the tie. - -Worn in winter only. - -They can be worn with morning wear or afternoon dress. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -UNDERCLOTHING - - -This consists of shirt, drawers, and half-hose. - -The material may be flannel, balbriggan, or silk. - -White is the proper color, because it is pure and clean. - -Such colors as pink, or blue, or black may be worn. - -Have the drawers fit tight, or the trousers will set ill. - -_Half-hose._—These should fit very tight. - -They should match the shirt and drawers in material and color. - -Half-hose should be in solid colors only. - -Morning wear and afternoon dress. White or black is the most elegant; -other shades may be worn, if desired. They should match the underwear. - -For evening dress, white or black only. White half-hose worn with white -underwear only. Black half-hose with white or black underwear only. - -_Half-hose Supporters._—These are made to hold up half-hose. They are of -white silk. Other colors may be worn. - - * * * * * - -Underclothing should be changed at least twice a day. Silk is worn always -with evening dress. Indulge in baths as frequently as possible. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -THE ART OF DRESSING THE COLLAR - - -In ties, cravats, and scarfs we have two colors—these are the principals. -They are black, and white. With these, combined or separate, the most -elegant scarfs are made. They may be figured or flowered, or solid -colors. The materials used are silks, crêpes, satins and lawn. - -The patterns—with black or white as a background—are innumerable. - -Use all the taste you can command in selecting ties. - -Remember that black is your principal body-coat color, and select your -ties accordingly. At the same time you must not have the color or pattern -of the tie at war with that of the waistcoat or trousers. - -Never wear those flaming ties, or shades that remind you of the colored -paper sold in shops. - -But a gentleman need not be cautioned in this, for he has or will acquire -taste. - -Besides black or white it is permissible to wear such shades of maroon, -green, blue, violet, as are of a rich but quiet style. These are only -worn with morning wear. - -_For Morning Wear._—Cravats, four-in-hands, and puff scarfs. All -self-tying. These may be black, white, or any of the before-mentioned -shades. In silks and black satin. Gold pins are worn in the scarfs. It -is the acme of ugliness to wear pins in a four-in-hand, besides being -vulgar. The four-in-hand may be tied in the regulation style or in the -form of a bow. - -Never wear a made-up bow, scarf, or four-in-hand. They look cheap, and -they are vulgarly common. - -Then there is the bow or cravat, tied in the regular bow-knot. - -Black is the richest and most elegant color for morning wear. - -The same styles are worn in summer as in winter. In summer much of the -bosom is allowed to show; while in winter it seldom or never shows, -excepting evening dress. Wherever and whenever morning wear is used, any -of these ties may be worn. - -For riding, driving, traveling, yachting, and lounging, the ties for -morning wear may be worn. - -Very elegant, large cravats—tied in a bow-knot, or as a four-in-hand—are -made from De Joinvilles; either in black satins or black silks, or dark -shades of silk. - -The De Joinville is folded by yourself or your furnisher. It may be sewed -or not. This De Joinville cravat is for morning wear only. Always have -your ties, cravats, and scarfs made to order. This is the only way to -keep them uncommon. - -_Afternoon Dress._—Here is the chance for the greatest amount of display. -Diamond pins, and large, white, puff scarfs tied and pinned in shape by -yourself, are worn with the cutaway body-coat or the frock body-coat. - -In winter the large puff scarf only is worn with afternoon dress. - -In summer, four-in-hands—either in bow or regular tie—as well as the puff -scarfs are worn. With a sash—a bow tied or a four-in-hand tied, its ends -placed in the opening of the bosom, is worn. A scarf may be worn with a -sash when the body-coat is not worn open. - -Waistcoats should be four buttons, and body-coats cut low in collars in -order to show the beauties of the huge puff scarf now worn. - -Silk is the material for the white scarf. - -Satin is only allowable in black and dark shades for scarfs. - -Exquisite silk or crêpe puff scarfs consisting of white background with -figures or flowers of a violet, blue, purple, maroon, etc., as your taste -directs, are worn. - -Remember, simplicity for morning wear—elegance for afternoon dress. - -For house wear the black silk or satin four-in-hand is the neatest tie -worn. - -The Ascot form of tying a scarf is seldom used now. - -_Evening Dress._—Full evening dress requires the white lawn -cravat—self-tying. - -Long and wide is the most elegant. - -Once or twice around may be worn. For wear with Tuxedo or Cowes -body-coat, or the dress body-coat at informal affairs, theater, club, or -home dinners, the black satin cravat—self-tying—is the proper thing. It -may be once or twice around as you like. Never wear this cravat with a -white waistcoat or white sash. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -WALKING STICK AND UMBRELLA - - -The walking stick is worn with morning wear, afternoon dress, but never -with evening dress. - -The styles are ever changing. Sticks are worn in summer and winter. In -selecting sticks do not take the extremes in heavy or light. Never have -any metal but silver—it is the most elegant. - -Among the best dressers and beaus of this city the walking stick is no -longer carried or worn, either with morning wear or afternoon dress. As -went the rapier so goes the walking stick. - -_The Umbrella._—This is worn only in doubtful or wet weather. - -It is worn at any time of day. Silver is the only proper metal. The -material should be silk or part silk. Never wear the case in the street. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -MISCELLANIES - - -_Weddings._—At morning weddings, the bridegroom wears formal afternoon -dress and pearl-gray gloves. The others wear morning dress. - -Afternoon weddings, all wear afternoon dress. - -Evening weddings, all wear evening dress. - -_Funerals._—If in the morning, morning wear. Afternoon, afternoon dress. -Evening, evening dress. Of course, all the attire is black in this case; -the only reason for black being the demand of superstitious custom. - -_Christenings._—According to the time of day it takes place. If morning, -morning wear. Afternoon, afternoon dress. Evening, evening dress. - -_At Home or Church._—The dress is the same when weddings, etc., take -place at home as at church. - -_Calls New Year’s._—It is not proper now to make calls on New Year’s day. -That is the only time that evening dress was ever worn before 6 P. M. It -was worn nearly all day then. - -_For Mourning._—Everything worn that shows, excepting the linen, should -be black, for all times of day. - -_Church Wear._—On Sunday, afternoon dress is worn at morning, afternoon, -or evening service. - -On the other days of the week, morning wear, or afternoon dress, or -evening dress, according to time of service, may be worn. - -_Suspenders._—These may be of silk, or any other suitable material. Silk -should always be worn with evening dress. White is the neatest color that -can be worn. - -Suspenders are worn with every dress, summer or winter, with or without a -sash. Each pair of trousers should have its individual suspenders. Great -care must be used in adjusting the suspenders; if not, the trousers will -set awkwardly. - -_Uppers, or Overgaiters._—This article is becoming somewhat obsolete -here. They are worn in the street only. They may be worn over any shoe or -tie. For traveling or walking only. - -On entering the house they should be removed. If worn, they should always -be made the same as the trousers, in material and pattern. They spoil -the set of the trousers in the legs. They are also clumsy. They are some -protection to the trousers in muddy weather. They may be worn summer or -winter. - -Uppers may be worn with morning wear, afternoon dress, or evening dress. -Black cloth uppers may be worn during the daytime as well as in the -evening. - -_Attire Made to Order._—Have everything you wear made to order, when -possible. - -_Blondes and Brunettes._—Blondes should prefer dark materials. Brunettes, -light materials. - -_Jewelry._—The jewelry for a gentleman: Gold hunting-case watches. Gold -fob-chains and silk fobs. - -A watch may be worn with any dress. Silk fob for morning wear. Gold for -afternoon and evening. - -As many rings as he cares to possess. Rings are not worn with evening -dress; only in the afternoon. In fact, it is not fashionably necessary to -wear rings. - -The buttons used in the shirt bosoms are of gold set with precious -stones. Diamonds are the most elegant. - -Plain gold buttons are worn with morning wear. - -Stonine studs or buttons, in fact all studs, are out of style. - -For the sleeve or cuff: gold buttons are used for all wear. - -Any number of gold pins for the scarfs. These may be plain gold or set -with precious stones; diamonds, of course, being preferable. - -Simple elegance is now the rule in jewelry. - -_Dressing Case._—Always have on hand a large valise or dressing case for -traveling. - -It is requisite if you go out of town for a night only, it being -necessary to carry evening dress. - -_Dressing Case Articles._—Articles for a dressing case are hair-brushes, -combs, whisk-brooms, cloth-brushes, hand-mirrors, manicure set, soaps, -washes and toilet lotions, wash-cloths, brushes and picks for the teeth -and gums, and shaving outfit. - -_Rubbers._—Rubbers or goloshes are worn, if desired; but only while -walking in the street. It is much better to have a heavy pair of -laced-shoes for mud or snow. Of course, when there is ice on the walks, -it is necessary to wear rubbers, if you do any walking. Rubbers, when -walking, may be worn over evening dress shoes. - -_Dress Shields._—These are of silk or satin. White or black. - -It is for evening dress only. Only for winter weather. It is placed over -the linen bosom while _en route_. - -_English Rain Attire._—An English attire for rainy weather consists of an -oiled topper—top-hat oiled with vaseline—and a long-skirted greatcoat, -with a cape. Material and pattern selected. This is worn only during the -day. Umbrella and rubbers are unnecessary. - -_English Hunt Attire._—A heavy top-hat of black silk plush is worn. -Gloves, crop, and spurs. - -A single-breasted, frock body-coat, green or pink, kersey. White -moleskin, loose breeches. Top riding-boots. - -_Hunt Ball._—The only change is in the body-coat. This is a pink -broadcloth evening dress body-coat. A white lawn cravat and white silk -waistcoat are worn with it. - -_Cloth Bands for Top-hats._—Wide black cloth bands are now worn on the -silk top-hat, afternoon or evening. For riding or driving. - -_Wigs._—The wearing of wigs is a custom of the past. Whether it is to be -revived or not the future alone will show. - -It is perfectly proper for a bald man to wear a wig. There is no reason -in his hiding the fact either. A young man may wear a wig if he is -prematurely bald. He certainly will make his appearance more presentable -to others by so doing. - -_Opera Glass._—A gentleman may carry one to the theater or opera—evening -or afternoon. The small opera glass is most convenient. - -_Decorations._—These are worn only on formal occasions. Then they should -appear on evening dress, or on afternoon dress with a frock body-coat. -Worn on the left breast. - -_Fans._—These may be carried at any evening reception by a gentleman, if -he desires to so do, when there is to be dancing. - -Folding fans, with a heavy black or white silk cord and tassel, are -recommended. - -As a rule, fans are carried only for summer dances. A gentleman will find -it convenient and comfortable to have his own fan. - -_Knee-buckles and Shoe-buckles._—These are of sterling silver. Buckles -may be worn when knee-breeches are worn. - -_Trousers Crease._—This may be worn in trousers or not as taste dictates. - -It certainly improves the set of the trousers, and keeps the knees -straight. - -_Pockets._—These appear only in the waistcoat and body-coat. The only -things carried—morning wear, afternoon dress, and evening dress—are the -linen kerchief—including the silk when in evening dress—money, watch, and -fob chain in silk or gold, cards, pencil, silver or gold. - -_The Monocle._—This is worn any time of day. Narrow black silk ribbon or -cord is worn on it for morning and afternoon. For evening a wide black -silk ribbon is used. - -Wearing a monocle is an English custom. - -The monocle is seldom worn in this city. When worn it is placed in the -right eye. - - - - -CLOSING REMARKS - - -A gentleman in ordering his apparel, whether for morning wear, afternoon -dress, or evening dress, will follow his own taste and desire as regards -the style of seams, the material and style of linings, the size, number, -and kind of buttons to be used, the number of pockets, the length of -body-coats, overcoats, length and width of trousers, the style of his -hat, gloves, and shoes, the length of sleeves and width of collars, use -of braids and bindings, use of collar facings,—in fact, every point -connected with the making of garments, both outer and under clothing, -hats, shoes, gloves, and ties, all these he must decide and order the -maker to follow out. - -It is only through this care and attention to details that he can show -his taste and ability to dress. Most important of all—especially in -clothing—is the selection of material. - -This completes the dress necessary for a gentleman of fashion, in society -or out. He is not asked to follow implicitly the rules as laid down here, -but rather follow his own taste and ideas in the making and wearing of -garments. - -This is only meant as a guide. It is believed to be correct in all its -details, and can be followed safely as such. - -_Finis coronat opus._ - -[Illustration] - - - - -PART II. - -ESSENTIAL CUSTOMS FOR GENTLEMEN - - - - -CONTENTS - - PAGE - - INTRODUCTION 81 - - ACTIONS INDOORS 85 - - (1) LEAVING THE ROOM—(2) WALK INDOORS—(3) - MEETING ON STAIRS—(4) HAT INDOORS—(5) - BODY-COAT INDOORS—(6) OVERCOAT INDOORS—(7) - UNTIDY APPEARANCE—(8) CARDS—(9) - CALLING—(10) IN COMPANY—(11) RECEPTIONS - AND TEAS—(12) LUNCHEONS—(13) PARTIES—(14) - DINNERS—(15) DANCING—(16) BALLS, - DANCING CLASSES, THEATER PARTIES AND - RECEPTIONS—(17) BOWLING—(18) MUSICALES AND - MATINÉE PARTIES—(19) AMATEUR THEATRICALS - AND RECITATIONS—(20) BREAKFASTS—(21) VOCAL - AND INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC - - ACTIONS OUTDOORS 112 - - (1) WALKING—(2) PROMENADING—(3) JOINING - LADY—(4) PAYING OUT MONEY—(5) TAKING SEAT - IN PUBLIC CONVEYANCE—(6) DRIVING—(7) - RIDING—(8) SAILING - - PERSONAL APPEARANCE 126 - - (1) HANDS—(2) FACE—(3) TEETH—(4) HAIR—(5) - FACIAL EXPRESSIONS—(6) POSITION - - HABITS 131 - - (1) SMOKING—(2) DRINKING—(3) CHEWING—(4) - STRETCHING AND YAWNING - - CONVERSATION 134 - - (1) GENERAL—(2) GRAMMAR—(3) LAUGHING—(4) - COMPLIMENTS AND FLATTERY—(5) SMALL TALK - - CORRESPONDENCE AND INVITATIONS 138 - - PERSONAL ACTIONS 146 - - (1) ESCORTS—(2) EXTRAVAGANCE—(3) - KISSING—(4) FAMILIARITY—(5) CHAPERONS—(6) - HANDSHAKING—(7) KISSING HAND—(8) GENTLEMAN - ENGAGED—(9) INTRODUCTIONS - - PROPOSING 159 - - PRESENTS 165 - - (1) FLOWERS—(2) JEWELRY—(3) BON-BONS—(4) - PHOTOGRAPHS - - GENERAL POLITENESS 170 - - (1) INSULTS—(2) EMBARRASSMENTS—(3) TEMPER - - VISITING 176 - - (1) ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS—(2) DUTIES OF - VISITOR - - - - -_INTRODUCTION_ - - -_Before entering upon my subject, I would first state that this work is -unlike former books on manners and etiquette, for it seeks not as in -those cases to establish rules, enjoining the reader to be controlled -thereby, nor does it define customs and force them upon his knowledge. It -merely touches upon usages of sufficiently long standing to constitute -customs of society, reviews them before his mind, and classes them -as faults if not properly practised, and gives the remedies of those -faults. Also it defines customs which are practised too exactly to appear -natural, and shows wherein they can be modified. In this work there are -no monotonous rules imperatively laid down and the subjects are not -tiresomely strained. The most important customs only are described, with -their modifying rules; and though the work may say what should be done -or omitted, yet it leaves it to the option of the reader whether or not -he will perfect his social training by a recognition and due exercise -thereof._ - -_To classify the subjects under two general heads, I would first speak of -“Appearance.”_ - -_There is no necessity for a gentleman to give opportunities for others -to criticize his appearance. There is no reason why a gentleman should -not at any and all times present a complete and neat attire. Dress, -extravagant or plain, can always have such an effect, if care and -taste are exercised. If he is in doubt as to his own ability to dress -tastefully, then he should submit himself to tuition, or, if he is too -proud to disclose his ignorance in the matter, he should take careful -notice of the appearance and good taste displayed by others, and -endeavor to gain knowledge therefrom. In order to carry out my advice, it -is only necessary that a gentleman should either possess or acquire good -taste, and refer entirely to styles established by custom, as elucidated -in Part 1. of this book._ - -_The second head of customs is “Manner.” For a gentleman should not -present a perfect appearance as to dress, and at the same time accompany -his good taste with bad or impolite manners. A gentleman should have -a thorough knowledge of polite manners as established by custom, such -as are defined in this work. I mention only the most important ones, -it being immaterial to go into the minor branches of etiquette and -manners, as they naturally follow in consequence of a due exercise of the -more important ones. It is a very simple matter to cultivate easy and -graceful manners, and just as easy to use those manners in a polite and -gentlemanly way, no matter how or under what circumstances one may be -placed in society._ - -_And now I think my reader is prepared for a perusal of what I would term -not a classification of rules, but a kind of outline history of customs -as they should be recognized._ - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -ACTIONS INDOORS - - -SECTION 1. A gentleman should never leave his room without a complete -attire, as it is essential that he present the same appearance before a -servant as a lady. The same rule should apply when he risks encountering -unknown gentlemen, or acquaintances, as it should be his desire to -receive respect at the hands of both sexes. - -2. If passing up or down stairs or through halls, a gentleman should take -care not to tread heavily; especially is this urged in hotels, when it is -found necessary to pass through hallways late at night. - -3. When about to ascend or descend a narrow stairway, if a lady is -discovered thereon, step aside and allow her to pass; your act thus -permitting her free way without the discomfort of turning, as would -follow if both met thereon. - -If with a lady, in ascending or descending a narrow stairway, always -precede her, putting a distance of at least four steps between. If on a -broad stairway, allow her to occupy a place next the balustrade, placing -yourself at her other side. - -4. Not under any consideration should a hat be worn in a house or -church; never in a theater till the play is over, when it is allowable, -as established by custom, on account of the draft following the opening -of the exits, and not in a hotel except in the office or smoking-rooms -thereof. The wearing of a hat is also permissible when lingering or -detained in the draft of any open exit to the street. - -5. The body-coat should never be removed in the presence of ladies, -no matter how ready they may be to approve of the act, unless it is -their express and unanimous desire, in which case the better policy, -in choosing between the alternative of positive rudeness and a fall of -dignity, is to take the course requested. - -6. An overcoat should never be worn in a private house unless the -temperature is such as makes the act compulsory in order to preserve the -health, and then only on receiving approval from the majority of those -ladies (only) who may be present. It is immaterial if it be worn in a -hotel, exceptions being made to the parlors, ball-room, dining-rooms -or apartments. The overcoat should be removed immediately on entering -a theater or music hall if the intention is to remove it at all, as it -is the height of rudeness to rise in the seat to remove it if the act -cause discomfort to, or obscures the view of, parties occupying rear or -adjoining seats. - -7. (_a_) Never add to your comfort by making your appearance displeasing -to others. And under this head I would state that the pockets of either -coat, vest, or trousers should never be bulged out with articles so as in -any way to spoil the effect of neatness and cut of the clothing. (_b_) -The clothes should not be allowed to wrinkle; if carefully worn, or when -not in use hung smoothly on stretchers, wrinkles can be avoided. (_c_) -The hands should never be carried awkwardly, and especially must care be -taken to keep them out of the pockets; such habits mar the appearance of -the gentleman. - -8. Cards.—(_a_) If calling upon one young lady, only one card should be -delivered at the door; if on two ladies, two cards are required. It is -unnecessary that more than two should be sent up, even if the call is -made on the whole family. This rule applies, also, in delivering cards at -receptions, teas, afternoon musicales, and the like. Always send cards -on occasions when you cannot attend in person. When calling upon ladies -visiting a card should also be sent to their hostess. - -(_b_) The card should always have the gentleman’s address on the right -hand lower corner; or, if he has no permanent place of residence, then -the name of his club, or of some person in whose care communications can -be forwarded to him. If his name has too many initials to permit of using -the Christian name, then “Mr.” should be used, and only the initials -placed before the surname; but otherwise, the use of “Mr.” is according -to taste, whether it be placed before the Christian name or omitted, -though the latter is advised. - -9. Calling should be confined entirely to the afternoon and evening; a -few exceptions can be made in the case of very dear friends, when a call -in the morning would not be out of the way. Such should be made between -the hours of eleven and one. Afternoon calls should be made from three -till five, exceptions being made on occasions where the lady is in the -habit of having five o’clock tea, when it is allowable for the gentleman -to stay till his cup or two cups are finished; on no account is he to -partake of more than two. Ordinary evening calls extend from eight to ten -and are not to be made later than eight-thirty. For no reason whatever -should a gentleman stay later than ten, unless he is calling upon his -fiancée; the evening receptions extend from eight to eleven, and the call -must be made before ten. - -When pressed to remain to a meal, unless at least five or six calls have -previously been made, he should decline the invitation, exceptions being -permitted when the young lady’s parents or guardians are on intimate -terms with his own, in which case the second call will justify him in -accepting. Intimacy between her brothers or sisters and your own will -not suffice. The card is delivered at the door, and while waiting for -the lady, enter the parlor. It is not necessary to remove the overcoat -until the butler announces whether or not she is at home and can see you; -whereupon, if she acknowledges your card, the overcoat, hat, cane and -overshoes are to be left in the hall; on no account leave them about the -parlor. It is not necessary to remove the gloves. This rule applies in -all cases where ordinary calls are in question; if merely on a mission -to occupy but a few moments, the overcoat may be kept on, and the cane -carried in the hand, but the hat must always be left upon the rack. - -Always rise and advance to meet a lady at the door; do not subject her -to the inconvenience of discovering you and coming to you herself. If -the lady seats herself upon a sofa, do not place yourself beside her -without first obtaining her consent. If you take the seat, be careful of -your position, and do not appear too easy and at home, and, above all, -do not cross the legs. Also, keep the hands as quiet as possible; don’t -handle any objects or toy with ornaments, or twist your watch-chain, for -it shows you are either nervous or fidgety, and you thereby produce -the nervous effect upon your companion. The conversation should be of a -sensible topic; or, if amusing, it should be at least interesting: the -best topics to converse upon being theaters, plays, society, picture -exhibitions, art, buildings, literature, and especially light gossip. -Travels may also be discussed, but first ascertain of the lady whether -she has traveled; if not, and she does not ask you to recite your -travels, and it is your desire to do so, then describe them as briefly as -possible. If you find a young lady begins to appear restless, say a few -words more and take your departure; there is no knowing but that she has -some other engagement. Never at any time speak of an acquaintance in a -disagreeable manner. Do not even say anything unguardedly about a third -person, for fear that the trait or action you describe may disclose to -your companion of whom you are speaking. These last two cautions may seem -of minor importance, but they are, on the contrary, very important, as -thousands of serious quarrels result from neglecting them. - -10. When in company, do not by word or action make yourself obnoxious to -those present. Your words should be well chosen and spoken at the proper -time, and in good grammar; omit slang. If of a joking frame of mind, -deliver your joke in a quiet way, and do not carry your ability too far; -for too much of a good thing is worse than none at all. A few good jokes, -delivered with telling effect, will do more for your reputation in that -line than a thousand poor ones improperly delivered. No man should laugh -at his own joke, and when doing so at others’ he should take care not -to be boisterous. Do not monopolize the conversation; it cannot be done -without interrupting others, and to do that is the height of rudeness. -When in company, and persons are talking, do not pick them up on any -statement of which you do not approve, and pointedly contradict them, nor -start any argument which would tend to their embarrassment. Never flatter -or compliment in company, as it makes the object of your attention feel -conspicuous, and those present imagine that they are of less importance -in your estimation. Do not ask a young lady to attend any entertainment -with you, or do not extend any invitation if another lady be present, -with whom you are even but slightly acquainted; your partiality for one -should never be disclosed to another. Unless you can do it gracefully, do -not execute a dance or attempt to imitate stage performers. - -Also take care not to upset or run into ornaments or stub the toe against -them, and be sure of your footing, that you do not trip on mats, etc. A -great many gentlemen imagine it to be necessary to back out of a room on -taking their departure; not so,—merely say “good-by” (or “good-morning,” -or words suited to the time of day), and, turning to the door, walk out -to the hallway. If the hostess has an inclination or desire to follow you -and continue any unfinished subject which may have been under discussion, -it is not necessary to retire in so awkward a manner. Promptly announce -your intention and enter the hall; while adjusting the overcoat and -gloves, the conversation can be continued. This method can be exercised -without the faintest appearance of rudeness.… Subjects to be carefully -studied for company use may be found under the head of “Conversation.” - -11. If you are at a special invitation afternoon tea or reception, pay -particular attention to the hostess whenever she is seen unoccupied, and -offer your company in escorting her to partake of refreshments. Always -eat lightly of the viands yourself. If a crowded reception, half an hour -only should be spent thereat. A reception call should be made within -three months thereafter; half an hour, or possibly three-quarters, is -proper for such a call. - -12. A gentleman should never enter his sister’s luncheon hall when the -repast is in progress; such intrusions prove fatal to topics of dress -generally under discussion, or other matter not intended for his ears. -A gentleman can give a stag luncheon, or a luncheon for both ladies and -gentlemen if a chaperon presides. - -Under this head informal lunches may also be discussed. These are -such as persons are apt to partake of without any special previous -arrangement, either at restaurants or private houses. As a gentleman -is at liberty to dine where he pleases, I only speak of the subject in -connection with ladies. - -A gentleman should never invite a lady to lunch at his own house, no -matter how well acquainted he may be with her, not even when engaged, -unless a chaperon be present at the meal, and not invite her at all -unless he has met her very frequently beforehand. - -A gentleman can accept an invitation to lunch with a lady under the same -conditions as those of an invitation to stay to dinner when calling (see -Sec. 9.) - -When desirous of asking a lady to lunch at a restaurant, whether you take -her direct from the house to it, or while walking, makes no difference; -a chaperon must be present at the meal unless you bear an existing or -agreed future relationship to her, or your friendship is understood -by your own and the lady’s friends to be so dear as not to allow of -suspicion or question—when a chaperon can be dispensed with. - -Without a chaperon be extremely careful in your selection of a -restaurant; seek those whose reputation is quiet and refined and of less -publicity than the rest of the well-known restaurants. Always when with a -lady enter the restaurant by the door intended for ladies’ use; never by -the public entrance. - -13. Evening parties should be attended before the hour of eleven, in full -dress. If with a lady do not keep her waiting, but rather let her find -you awaiting her at the dressing-room door. If alone or otherwise take -care to seek the hostess on entering the parlor; this is a piece of -politeness sadly overlooked nowadays, especially by individual gentlemen. -At a dance always take the inside arm of a lady while promenading. -Repeatedly ask after her thirst, and never allow her to approach the -refreshment table, but bring the glass to her on your kerchief if there -are no doilys. Always pay particular attention to the hostess, and -ask her repeatedly to dance. Never, if idle and you see her without a -partner, allow her to remain thus alone; under such circumstances, likes -and dislikes should be set aside, or you should not have attended the -dance. Always offer your arm to your partner immediately on ceasing to -dance. Make it a rule never to leave a dance without bidding the host or -hostess good-night, and thanking them for the pleasures of the evening. -This is another poor policy of a great many men, to leave quietly -without the knowledge of the host or hostess. - -Party calls should be made within a year at the farthest after the party, -and should occupy the same length of time as an ordinary call. - -14. Dinners should be attended promptly on time. Always allow the ladies -to be seated first. Do not attempt to pass anything if the servants are -present, nor even if they are not present unless expressly requested to -do so. - -Do not attempt to speak when the mouth contains food. When spoken to, -a motion of the head will be sufficient to convey the reply intended, -and at the same time to acquaint your questioner with the fact that he -has spoken inopportunely. In order to conform to the various customs it -is advisable to abstain as long as is prudent from folding the napkin -till you view the action therein of the host or hostess. But this is -only necessary at more or less informal dinners. The prevailing custom -of formal dinners is never to fold the napkin. Care must be taken not to -make noises with the mouth, when eating, and not to smack the lips. If a -total abstainer from drink, you must not turn your glasses upside-down, -nor allow them filled. Merely stop the servant when your glass is half -filled, thus preventing comment and complete waste at one and the same -time. You must not call the servants, but endeavor to beckon them to you -with the head and eyes, not with the finger. Never speak louder than -will allow of a comprehension of what you are saying. Do not toy with -articles on the table, and when the hands are not employed in eating they -must be kept in the lap. Don’t put the elbows on the table. Reading is -not to be indulged in at the table, unless it is a letter or special -communication, when you must beg pardon for your rudeness. Do not leave -the table before the rest have finished except in case of necessity, and -then by permission only, always excusing yourself. When remaining till -the finish, never rise till the host or hostess or both have signified -that the meal is at an end, by rising first. - -15. There is one custom in this work which above all others is essential -to every man who has any desire to play the _rôle_ of a thorough social -success, and that requirement is dancing. There is not one thing which -a society gentleman performs, which gives so much enjoyment not only to -himself, but to others. Nothing is more closely criticized, nothing more -prominent when in execution; nothing more benefiting as an exercise, -and nothing more satisfactory to the performer, than dancing. By that -word is meant any performance which has the name of dance, and which has -the requisites of “grace,” “ease,” and “perfect performance.” To be a -perfect dancer the above expressions in reference to your dancing should -be won from your admirers. Do not think, because you have an idea of -how to dance, that you really do so perfectly. The first requirement to -good dancing is grace. If you are graceful you cannot appear awkward to -on-lookers, for your step is firm, body quiet, and arms still. The arm is -never pumped, and the feet are barely lifted off the floor. To have ease, -a dancer should appear confident of his ability, and show that ability -by a correct and actual performance of the dance in the above-explained -graceful way. To have a perfect performance of a dance, both of -the former requirements are to be exercised, with these additional -requisites, viz.: use a long decided glide, never jump or hop, always -reverse equally as much as you turn the original way, keep to the side of -the room, direction to the right from the entrance. Do not collide with -other couples, or at least protect your partner from sudden collisions, -and on no account allow her to slip. - -The right hand should be at the lady’s back, between the lower ends of -the shoulder-blades, and should always carry a silk handkerchief. Never -in dancing hold a lady close to you, for it is the most disagreeable -position for her, and looks decidedly improper. Hold your partner at -all times at arms’ length; this gives you freedom of speech, space to -use the feet, and allows you to glide more easily. In a waltz, always -take a long, sweeping glide, with as little rise as possible. Any step -between a Boston dip and the Philadelphia glide, if used as a sort of an -imperceptible, sweeping dip, will appear to great advantage on the floor. -A Polka should either be glided or walked through; never skip, and do not -take too long a step, and do away entirely with all fancy variations of -the dance. Keep strictly to the original Polka form and you will avoid -all awkward appearances. The same rule applies to the Yorke, Galop, etc. -The Schottische is a beautiful dance, if performed gracefully as in the -waltz, only much more care should be exercised in the forward steps. Do -not use that once popular, but awkward manner of skipping in this dance, -but the more modern three running steps. Those familiar with all these -popular dances will comprehend the importance of my criticisms. The -Caprice is the combination dance of waltz and polka, and necessitates -more care and attention than any other. Nothing but the glide step -should be used in this dance. - -16. Balls, Dancing Classes, Theater Parties, Receptions.—These may all -be given by gentlemen, if they have married ladies as patronesses. -Theater parties can be followed by dinners at the popular restaurants, -the chaperon attending. If the party occupies more than one box, an equal -number of chaperons should accompany it. - -17. Bowling—Card-playing.—In bowling, a gentleman should keep the score, -notify the ladies of their turns as they come round, hand them the -balls—not too large, but heavy enough to be thrown with ease and effect. -See that they enjoy the game thoroughly, or else cease the sport. If you -notice fatigue in a lady’s manner, ask her to desist. Many sprains, -dislocations, and twists are the result of attempting to throw balls -with tired wrists. A gentleman can organize a bowling club under the -supervision of a chaperon attending each meeting. - -At cards, he pays strict attention to those playing; he endeavors to make -the games pleasant. He should never look over another’s hand of cards; -and, above all, should never cheat. He should never gamble and bet on -cards, nor allow games of that kind in his house. - -18. Musicales—Matinée Parties.—Gentlemen attend these either as escorts -or alone. They are at liberty to give them whenever they desire to do so. -They must always have a patroness or chaperon present. - -19. (1) When asked to participate in amateur theatricals, do not -unhesitatingly accept the invitation, but first consider your ability, -not only to act the part tendered you, but that which is of more -importance, viz., to be able to act gracefully, and carry it out in -all its perfection; for it is only of too frequent occurrence that -young men readily accept, confident of being able to memorize their -part, disregarding the fact that memorizing is not acting. After having -accepted an invitation to act, being of fair ability so to do, be -careful to pay strict attention to your part, and be punctual at all -the rehearsals. Gentlemen can organize amateur theatrical clubs among -themselves at discretion, but on no occasion should ladies be included -without a chaperon at hand. - -(2) Never offer to recite, and if asked to do so, decline, unless you are -sure of what you are about to recite. Do not make your recitations too -lengthy, and not too dramatic. Be sure that your gestures are fitted for -the words used; make them few, but telling. Do not hurry through a piece; -and above all, do not shout; suit the voice to the size of the room or -hall in which you are reciting. If encored, acknowledge such by another -piece, or repetition of the first; but to further applause, merely bow. - -20. Breakfasts can be given at any time within the hours of eight and -twelve A. M., to gentlemen, or ladies and gentlemen, a chaperon being -present for the latter. Invitations for these, as for any other event, -should be answered within the customary time—two weeks before the -occurrence; or, if the invitation is later than two weeks before date of -breakfast, an immediate reply is necessary. - -21. When in company never offer to sing unless you are perfectly -confident of your ability to satisfy the expectations of those present. -If asked to sing, unless of ability to do so, be not too ready to accept -the invitation, but wait till it is tendered you again, so that, in case -of failure, you be not looked so unfavorably upon as if you had accepted -readily; the same rule applies to playing upon instruments. When singing -or playing reply to only one encore; to more, merely bow or offer your -excuses. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -ACTIONS OUTDOORS - - -SECTION 1. When walking alone a quick step is to be taken; the toes must -be turned out. Never run into a person, if ordinary care can prevent it, -and especially give way to a lady, no matter how you may meet. Always -keep to the right of the sidewalk, and never pass in front of a lady -coming at right angles at a street corner, unless a distance of six -feet intervene between said lady and the crossing-point when you reach -it. In bowing when alone the hat should be carried quickly down to the -right, or left if left-handed, till the back of the hand strikes the -hip, then slowly replaced on the head. The taking-off of the hat is to be -accompanied by a slight forward inclination of the body and a smile of -recognition. - -Unless the cause of the act is known to the lady as well as yourself, -never cut her, that is, do not look at her and refuse absolutely to -return her bow, but recognize it in an indifferent manner sufficient to -convey the fact that something is wrong, and that the return bow was -forced, while still it is polite. If you know a lady whom you dislike and -have no desire to recognize, never look at her in passing, as you would -thus invite recognition, and would be exceedingly impolite in cutting -her. When you meet a person walking, and that awkward dodging in the -effort to pass occurs, always stop and turn slightly to the right till -the other has passed on. If it be a lady, the expression “Pardon” is -to be used as she passes. If you step on a man’s foot, address him with -an apology merely; if on a lady’s, the apology must be accompanied by a -slight bow. Never carry a parcel of any kind: if a hat is to be taken to -the store, carry it in a leather case; if articles of wear, carry them -in a satchel. Do not wear too large a boutonnière; a few dozen violets -or two or three pinks, or a few sprays of lily of the valley, or a few -pansies, or a very small red rosebud for afternoon, and as few leaves as -possible. For the evening a few sprays of hyacinth or lily of the valley -is the only proper buttonhole bouquet. - -2. When walking with a lady keep either a military step, or if her step -is too short for your comfort, then take a Newport drag pace, taking care -that the body does not rise much, thus preventing a see-saw appearance. -Always walk on the side nearest the curbstone, except in the case of a -very crowded street, when it may be the most convenient for the lady to -walk on your right. A distance of half a foot should be kept between -the lady and yourself at all times when the walk is not crowded; this -is necessary always in the daytime, and also in the evening unless -the acquaintance is such as permits taking arms. Never lock arms in -the daytime. Always pay attention if your companion is speaking; your -mind should not be distracted by persons or objects passing; there is -nothing more unsatisfactory and disagreeable to a young lady than for -her to realize that she is unheard and unheeded. When with a lady it is -unnecessary to stop at all to permit another lady to pass when coming at -right angles, as is necessary when alone. When raining always hold the -umbrella; when sunny never offer to, or hold a parasol, unless expressly -requested to do so; a sunshade is for a lady to hold, and looks out of -place in a gentleman’s hand, unless it is a particularly heavy one, or -the wind is too strong to permit of the lady carrying it comfortably. If -she has a satchel or large parcel when you meet her, immediately offer to -carry it. - -3. When joining a lady, if coming toward her, wait till she has passed; -then turning, join her with the usual or intended salutation, without -stopping her. Never come intentionally face to face to join her; she -will, presumably, think that you wish to stop, and it is a settled -conclusion that a lady and gentleman should never stop to talk on the -street; in a party it is permissible only if the several persons thereof -have chanced to meet, or are in the act of parting. When joining a lady -in the morning on the street only accompany her a few blocks, for the -morning is shopping-time, and escorts are seldom desired. Never fail to -raise the hat on leaving a lady on the street, or at doors or windows. -When it is muddy cross before a lady that she may profit by your action, -by crossing in your foot-prints. If very muddy offer your hand for her -support in finding good foot-rests. Never carry the cane in the hand next -the lady if it is possible to carry it in the other; if not possible, -because the other is the useful one, then it should be carried under the -arm next to her with that hand placed at the cane-head. The reason of -this rule will be understood on reflecting, that if the cane is carried -in the useful hand, it must necessarily be conveyed to the other every -time a man bows; it is a poor action, and presents an awkward appearance, -especially if the cane drops. This rule also applies to umbrellas when -rolled. Of course this is plain, as it is not supposed that a gentleman -when promenading carries any but these two articles. Never let a lady -carry your cane in the city. - -When entering a door or passageway, allow the lady to precede you, as is -done indoors. When with a lady, and she bows, your bow should be less -marked than when alone; the hat is to be raised and carried quickly -to the front as low as the chin, then as speedily replaced. When you -consider the side you occupy, the advisability of this manner of bowing -is at once seen on reflecting that a sweeping bow would more or less -interfere with the continuation of your companion’s recognition of the -third party, which is a complaint the majority of young ladies set up. -In giving a lady soda-water or other cooling drink, do not allow her -to use her own kerchief, but insist upon her using one of your own; a -gentleman should always carry two. Also, in view of the fact that many -pockets in dresses are difficult to discover immediately, the gentleman -should thus be prepared for emergencies. If walking in the afternoon -with a lady, and you are overtaken by darkness, do not continue, but -immediately board a horse-car, enter a stage, or have your carriage -follow and meet you, and thus return. This rule is on the principle that -ladies and gentlemen should not walk the streets after dark, and this -principle is universally approved of by society. The walk to and from -cars to attend theaters in the evening, is a different matter entirely, -and cannot be offered in opposition to the above rule (as many have -claimed), as it is confined to only a few particular streets, and has -nothing whatever to do with avenue promenades; besides, it is understood -that crossing to theaters is compulsory, and so excusable. In taking a -lady for a walk, you should always provide her with a fair-sized bouquet -of violets, if popular, or, if not, of roses to harmonize with her type, -whether blonde or brunette; or any class of flowers which you know would -suit her taste, provided they are not out of style, or unsuited to the -season or for street wear, or perhaps too loud for her general appearance. - -4. When with a lady, always pay her fare in a public conveyance, at a -ticket office, or gate, or any place where fare is demanded, unless she -has a ticket for the occasion. - -If in the vehicle, at the office, or gate, or any place requiring the -payment of fare, and you meet a lady friend who has not as yet paid -her fare, do not offer to do so for her, as it is very bad form, and -presents the appearance of a desire on your part to let people know you -have money, and the act more or less reflects upon the lady’s purse. If -accompanying a lady into a store, do not offer to buy her this and that; -such an act is simply out of consideration; it is an affront to her -purse, and she rejects your offer; no lady would accept it unless for -some very trifling purchase. - -5. When in any crowded public conveyance, a lady gets in, always rise -immediately and notify her of the vacancy. Do not think, because you are -tired, you are justified in keeping the seat, for you do not know but -that the lady is just as tired as yourself. Again, when you see a small -space between two ladies, do not try to wedge yourself in; it is better -to be uncomfortable yourself, than to cause discomfort to the ladies. Do -not lean over or against a lady when holding the strap overhead, and she -is seated below. Always, if next the fare-box, offer to deposit a lady’s -fare, especially in stages. Never in city conveyances, if a conductor -is at hand, offer your assistance in raising or lowering a window, -but solicit the conductor to do it for you; if none is upon or in the -conveyance, then lend your help. - -6. When asking a lady to drive, do so only on an advanced acquaintance, -and do not keep her out after dark. Take care not to allow the whip -to dangle in her face, and, in urging on the horses, do so in an easy -manner, without that sudden start which throws the lady so violently back -in her seat. Do not talk about horses; it is a very poor subject, and -savors of poor taste. In calling for a lady do not keep her waiting, but -have the vehicle at the door on time. If possible to leave the reins -loose on the horses, step out and help the lady into the vehicle, then -pass round to the other side and take your seat, carefully adjusting the -lap-robe over both. Do not keep up a continuous chuckle to the horses, -as it is a very monotonous sound, but use the whip. A full driving suit -should always be worn if a lady accompanies you. Always wear gloves in -driving. If you have spirited horses to handle, it is not necessary while -driving to take off the hat when recognizing a person; a smile and an -inclination of the head are sufficient, for taking off the hat interferes -considerably with your management of the animals, and has often resulted -in serious accidents. Do not take a lady riding in the morning. The -afternoon from three till five is the proper time. Never on any account -drive on Sunday. Never take a lady in a light wagon or buggy, or out with -fast horses, in the city, for it is not stylish; in fact, such turnouts -are common, as in use only by sporting men or horse lovers. - -7. Riding should be confined to the morning as much as possible, and a -complete outfit worn upon all occasions. Especially is this urged when -with a lady. Always keep head and neck of your own horse beyond your -companion’s, if a lady, in view of being able and prepared to assist her -in case of fright or accident to her horse. Always assist her in mounting -and alighting from her horse. - -8. Sailing is a pastime which can be indulged in at leisure by a -gentleman who knows a thing or two about such pleasure; whether he has -confidence in his ability or not, if he ventures upon that pleasure he -does so at his own risk. But when he has a lack of knowledge, and lack of -confidence in his ability to handle a boat, not under any consideration -should he venture to invite a lady to accompany him. To take ladies -sailing, when you are ignorant of the methods of handling sailing craft, -is a risk that often has frightful results; these have been often seen, -where summer men who know positively nothing about the art of sailing -have issued invitations, and ventured on their perilous, uncertain -pleasure. Always take a skipper, and no danger will arise. Take care to -look first after the comfort of the ladies, and always provide cushions, -field-glasses, and especially ice-water in view of a calm. This latter is -very often neglected, to the great distress of the ladies when the boat -is becalmed. The writer can safely make this suggestion, as he had such -an experience himself. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -PERSONAL APPEARANCE - - -SECTION 1. The hands should always be kept clean. Do not think because -you have gloves on that you are safe in neglecting your hands. You may be -suddenly called upon to perform some act which would necessitate taking -off the gloves, thus exposing soiled hands. The nails should be kept -perfectly clean and projecting about one-twelfth of an inch from the -tender flesh and not too pointed, and are to be only slightly polished. -All hang-nails should be cut off, and advanced flesh pushed back from the -root of the nails. Do not wear too many rings. A gentleman should never -have on more than two, and those to be placed one on each hand. Always -place them on the fingers next the little ones. Large diamonds should not -be worn; one carat is the usual weight. Also, do not wear broad bands -of gold, they are very common-looking on a gentleman; a seal-ring or -intaglio is quite sufficient. Never wear bracelets, it is exceedingly -effeminate. And, above all, do not wear ladies’ rings. - -2. The face, if without a growing beard or moustache, should be kept -clean. This can best be done by a light shave. Do not shave too close; to -be sure it appears more free of hair for the time being, but then, as the -hair grows out, eruptions cover the face, especially the neck; thus for a -few hours’ clean appearance you undergo several days’ discomfort. - -3. The teeth should be kept clean, white, and polished. It is necessary -that they be kept clean, as odors from them sometimes give the impression -of a disordered stomach, and makes conversation at close quarters -exceedingly disagreeable. - -4. The hair should be carefully brushed, with a neat part, the sides at -the front being slightly raised and pushed back. The hair can be parted -on either the left, right, or center of the head, but it should never be -flattened and plastered down, as the appearance is very weakening to the -character of the face. Leave such a fad to those of bad taste, who have -nothing else to do but corrupt the standing customs. - -5. Do not, no matter how much displeased, at any time wear a scowl or -severe expression; it does you no good as to others, for they do not -know the cause thereof, and they naturally conclude you to be of a -disagreeable disposition. Equally true is it that the face should be -free from that incessant smiling which overspreads the countenances of -so many. The face should possess neither one of these expressions, but -present a set, firm appearance, conveying no idea of the thoughts of the -mind. Outward causes are exceptions to the changes of facial expressions. -When talking, care should be taken not to accompany the words with -distortions of the face. The mouth should not be opened too wide, nor the -tongue stuck out. Never bite the lips or pick the teeth, as both distort -the face. Never use the eyes in a flirtatious manner, as it is very -poor taste and shows conceit. Also, do not glance at a strange lady in -a steady or impertinent manner; least of all on the street or in public -vehicles. - -6. Your position should always be as dignified as possible; if sitting, -the body should be held upright and the arms gracefully placed, and -not twisted or hung over the back of the chair. Always face the person -whom you are addressing. When standing, your position must be straight, -shoulders back, and head well up. The legs to be close together or one -slightly advanced, in a position of rest. The arms can be carried either -by locking hands behind the back, or in front, or they can be folded upon -the chest; either way can be made to appear graceful. When walking, the -body is carried as in standing, and the busy hand must carry its contents -as gracefully as possible, while the other hand is allowed to hang by the -side, moving only with the motion of the body. Both, if free, must hang -thus; never put them in the pockets. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -HABITS - - -SECTION 1. Smoking should be confined entirely to a studio, smoking-room, -drawing-room, or library, when ladies are, or intend to be, in the -vicinity later, and should never be indulged in, even in the places -mentioned above, if the ladies are present, without their unanimous -consent thereto. - -Smoking in the street is also objected to, exception being made when on -the front platforms of cars, when a gentleman should make it his duty to -see that the smoke does not prove disagreeable to ladies in the car. - -2. Drinking to excess is not the habit of a gentleman. Drink should be -taken only in moderation, especially at dinner parties when ladies are -present. Do not boast of your fondness for the beverage. If you chance -to be at all under the influence of liquor, or even if you have merely a -strong odor of it on the breath, do not attend a reception or dance, as -such an odor is not perfume to the partners with whom you may dance or -converse. - -3. Chewing tobacco or other stuff manufactured for the same purpose -should never be indulged in by a gentleman, no matter where he is. -Spitting must not be practised in the presence of ladies, and should be -done away with entirely unless alone and out of sight of others. Clearing -the throat should not be done in ladies’ company, and be careful not to -allow indications of indigestion to rise noisily in the throat. And -lastly, do not hiss through the teeth or hum to yourself in company. - -4. Do not, no matter how cramped you may be, stretch in the presence of -ladies, and not at all at the table, even if alone. Yawning should be -confined to your own presence strictly, or, if it is irrepressible, place -the fingers before the mouth. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -CONVERSATION - - -SECTION 1. Never use sarcasm in direct conversation, as it is but a -veiled form of insult. Do not use deceit, especially in conversing -with a lady; also, avoid prevarication, as such is bad policy. Do not -boast, it is an absurd habit to fall into. Too many puns or jokes become -monotonous; jokes should not be told in reference to a person present, -unless the acquiescence of the party be first received. - -2. Your grammar should be of the best, and your words selected with -great care. Large words should be used very seldom unless the topic of -conversation calls for them. - -3. Laughter should never be forced; if you are not amused, merely -smile. When laughing at a small matter do so in a light, sincere way; -when amused by some good joke or occurrence, laugh heartily but not too -loudly; merely convey the fact that the joke or event is appreciated. -This rule should apply at all times when ladies are present. - -4. Never flatter a lady, for it is the poorest substitution for a -sensible topic that was ever thought of in society. It is disliked by -ladies and gentlemen alike, and it shows insincerity in its every use. If -you desire to say something nice to a person, make use of more serious -expressions, commonly known as compliments, for, if you intend to -compliment and speak too sweetly, it is not such, but flattery, you are -making use of. Only compliment when a person deserves it, and do not do -so too often. - -5. In society one should always be prepared for impromptu conversation, -or small talk, and should always have plenty of it in stock; that is, not -the whole substance of the expected conversation, but subjects upon which -you can converse at a moment’s notice. At receptions, teas, dinners, -dances, or any other entertainment, the topics should be select, and the -oral abilities prepared to discuss them in a free and familiar way. Such -topics might well be classed under the simple heads of Art of latest -Artists, Receptions, Teas, etc., and especially Latest Novels, then also -Plays and the criticisms, or Noted People of the Day. You will find any -one of these sufficient for short conversation. Literature and grave -subjects would prove too extensive. Try not to criticize people severely, -and do not speak on any subject which, after a few remarks, appears -uninteresting or distasteful to the person conversing with you. When a -subject has been once discussed and abandoned by all, it is bad taste to -return to it during that same conversation or in the same company. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -CORRESPONDENCE AND INVITATIONS - - -SECTION 1. Correspondence is a thing which every man should be able to do -well in all its branches, whether social or business, whether formal or -otherwise, whether brief or extended in its subject-matter. A gentleman -should always be able to write sensible letters, and to the point, -without deviating from the general topic. When corresponding with other -men keep strictly, unless with a very close friend, to the subject in -question. But when writing to ladies the rule is different. To adhere so -exactly to the topic of discussion is significant of a desire to have the -matter through with. Always add further casual remarks tending to show an -interest beyond the duty of correspondence. The ladies’ writing rule is -just the reverse. - -It does very well to insert, here and there, witty remarks to break the -monotony of a lengthy epistle. Above all, it is advised to abstain from -putting in writing any words imparting affection or soliciting such -from the lady. Write your letter in one complete part; that is, let all -you have to say be penned upon any number of sheets you may desire, but -be sure it is between the head address and your signature. Never add a -postscript; this in letters, like a parenthesis in sentences, has the -appearance of poor construction. - -Do not write crosswise on the paper, and avoid blotting the same. Also -see that you never write to a lady on office paper, or any which is -ink-lined, for your social corresponding paper should always have a crest -or monogram at the top, and such would not appear well or to advantage on -that which is lined. If you desire ruled paper, let the lines be such as -are pressed into it during manufacture. Lastly, never use hotel paper, -except in the summer, and then only when traveling or visiting without a -trunk, which should always contain every necessity of a trip. - -If it is formal, a lady’s letter should be answered immediately, if there -is the least hint of a reply in it, but without such hint the gentleman -must not answer. If it is informal, he must, if requested to reply, do -so immediately, otherwise he may suit himself, but within a limit of -one month; later, politeness would be at stake. But the lady should not -be expected to answer in either case to your letter unless she feels so -disposed, or you show good reasons why she should, and expressly request -her to do so. - -Formal correspondence can be indulged in between any persons who may -be related, very dear friends, or even mere acquaintances. With the -first two classes, a gentleman can correspond formally at any and all -times, unless expressly solicited not to do so by the lady’s parents, -or guardians, or herself. But in the last case he must have a request -to offer or an answer to return, and it should be very formal, implying -by its very subject-matter that necessity caused the correspondence. -When writing a formal note to a lady acquaintance, without her consent, -merely sign your name to the matter and place therein your card, such -as is described in Sec. 8, Actions Indoors. Never write your address -beneath the signature, or, as is sometimes done, above the head address, -in this class of notes.… But informal and lengthy correspondence only -pertains to, and can be exercised at all times by, very dear friends, -_fiancés_, or very dear relatives. Acquaintances must be subjected to the -rule of formality of correspondence, till they have reached the relation -of friend, which can be acquired only after eight or ten meetings, when -there has been sufficient conversation to establish what the parties -mutually agree to constitute fast friendship. - -2. Invitations are so many and varying in their nature, that it is -generally difficult to say what kind of a reply, and how soon, should be -given. But all can be summed up in a few divisions, viz.: Reception, -Dance, and Wedding invitations. (_a_) Reception invitations are never -to be replied to, unless accompanied with an informal invitation to an -after-reception dance, bearing an R. S. V. P., when a few days can be -permitted to elapse before replying thereto. (_b_) A wedding invitation, -like the reception, needs no reply, except under the same conditions as -annexed to reception invitations. But dances are the subjects for which -dozens of different kinds of invitations are issued, when it is decidedly -difficult to ascertain the exact time, or answer as desired by the -inviter. The answer depends upon the number of inviters included in the -invitation; the time upon the number of days intervening before the date -of the event; if two weeks, the regular time allotted, then an immediate -reply is necessary (exceptions in subscription dances). If two or three -ladies or gentlemen, or both, are the inviters, then address the reply -to the one so selected as secretary for the reception of replies, and -of course sign your name on the completion of the reply; then in the -left-hand lower corner, pen, “Politeness to”; then write, one beneath -the other, the names of all the inviters, including the secretary last; -this shows that the reply is politely tendered to all. In a subscription -dance, an invitation for all and every date of dances is usually sent out -six weeks before date of first meeting, in which case three or four weeks -at the most can be allowed to pass; but no matter when the invitation is -received, if two or six weeks prior to the first meeting, always reply at -least two weeks before such first date. Dinners, teas, breakfasts, etc., -are the same as dances as to time and answer. Invitations by card to call -are not to be answered, but should be acknowledged in person, as soon -after their reception as possible. Invitations to subscription dances -need only be addressed to the secretary or inviter. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -PERSONAL ACTIONS - - -SECTION 1. When a gentleman accepts the honored position of escort he is -supposed to do so willingly, and with the intention of fulfilling its -many requirements. Do not accept and accompany a lady to her intended -destination, and continually show any displeasure in your position. Pay -strict attention to her, and leave her only when she is engaged in some -dance or occupation with another partner. Young ladies take escorts in -substitution for a brother or relative, and when so taking expect to find -them congenial and as equal to their duties as any brother or relative -would be. When asking a gentleman as escort the lady is expected to -furnish the carriage if it is her desire to ride; it is not necessary -for the gentleman to bring her flowers in return for her kindness, but -an after-gift of the same will suffice. When asking a lady to give you -the pleasure of her company for any event, you must, of course, expect -to pay all expenses; if in the evening, and she is an old acquaintance, -always expect to furnish a carriage. If only an acquaintance, and it is -necessary to use a carriage, then a chaperon should be brought with you. -But the cars are generally the mode of travel which can be used if a -chaperon is not desired. - -Never take advantage of your situation when in a carriage alone with a -lady, by addressing her in any way too familiar to be polite. - -2. Extravagance is one of the greatest faults into which young and old -persist in falling. Very few society men know what economy means. So to -point out a few ways by which extravagance may be at least modified by -gentlemen: (_a_) It is very poor taste for a person to show by his attire -extravagant inclinations. Do not dress too gaudily, or change the suits -more than is ordinarily necessary for special occasions. Let your dress -be not too costly, not too loud, but neat, of the styles described in -Part I. of this book, and do away with too great a variety of top and -over coats, neckties, patent leather shoes (for walking), and, above -all, elaborately figured waistcoats, also elaborate canes. They all -combine not only to appear extravagant, but destroy the effect of simple -elegance. (_b_) Do not spend money for a thing unless it is necessary -for your own good or that of a relation. Presents given by a single man -should be simple and of slight cost. - -If engaged the rule is less strict; but if married a man should not only -teach himself the law of economy, but also his wife and children. Such -gifts as candy, flowers, jewelry, etc., should be given only by very dear -friends, which relation permits such presents to be of slight cost, while -they are appreciated as if of great cost. Costly gifts to acquaintances -are a gross extravagance. - -3. Kissing is a pleasure which is not to be indulged in except among dear -relatives, the family, wife, or your _fiancée_. Never kiss or embrace -a person outside of these exceptions, no matter how old friends they -may be. No lady would allow you such a privilege, and if she should -so far forget her standing as to permit the act, you would be rude, -exceedingly so, and no gentleman, to take advantage of her forgetfulness. -Never, on any account, kiss or embrace the persons, as stated above, in -a public place,—it is common. No one knows your relationship, and no -one the length of time of separation; besides, the act of kissing is -very undignified and ungraceful. Of course these rules only apply to -gentlemen; they are not enforceable in respect to ladies, as the feminine -sex is supposed to be more demonstrative. Familiarity, though allowed, -breeds contempt by degrees. - -4. Familiarity is a subject upon which the majority of society men can -discourse fluently, so practised are they in the art. In fact, society is -infected with this disease. It reigns on all occasions, be they private -or public. It is found in the most aristocratic circles, as in those of -less refinement. Why should this continue? It should not. Both ladies -and gentlemen use it; but of gentlemen, alone, I now speak. Freedom of -speech and freedom of manner constitute the general heads of familiarity. -(_a_) Freedom of manner has been partly defined under the heads of -kissing and embracing. Do not on any account allow of any rude actions on -your part; always keep a polite distance from a lady, and do not, if you -take her hand, retain too long a hold thereof, or press it with your own; -in fact, never touch a lady unless she is related to you, under the heads -set forth in Section 3, Personal Actions, unless it becomes absolutely -necessary; then do it in the most polite manner possible. (_b_) Freedom -of speech is the most important head of familiarity, and includes many -classes of rudeness. Do not be impertinent in your remarks to ladies, -ask no personal questions, do away with rude speech; seek not to impart -to her that which she should not know, or tries to turn a deaf ear to. -Improper remarks are poison from the tongue, and tend to ruin your -reputation in her estimation, as a gentleman, sooner or later. It is no -excuse if she tolerates your advances or not,—a gentleman is a gentleman, -and should remain so. Not only is this rule applicable to acquaintances, -but it should be strictly observed in your own family. Your sisters -should be as acquaintances as respects your behavior, and your mother and -father should command respect in your every word or action. - -5. A gentleman, because he is married, should not suppose himself fitted -for the position of chaperon on occasions where it is necessary to leave -the city, or it is an evening affair; on the contrary, it is his duty -to refuse acceptance of such a position, unless himself and wife act as -the chaperons. If single, he should never offer his services as chaperon. -He may be such in the daytime, within the city, acting as a guide or -protector of his companion; but this is a very weak form of chaperonage -compared to that customary in society, which form generally concerns only -evening or out-of-town events, when a stricter rule is applied, under -the conditions of which a gentleman can never be a chaperon. It must be -remembered that though guide and protector are the true meanings of the -word chaperon, yet, as far as a gentleman can exercise that right, he can -be no more than an escort. - -6. A gentleman should shake hands as seldom as possible. On introduction -and at parting should be the chief occasions for the act. This rule -refers only to your own sex. With ladies it is far stricter. You should -not shake hands on introduction to ladies, nor at parting; but at the -next meeting, or subsequent ones, if they appear desirous of such a -cordial greeting, grasp their hand, for it is at the option of a lady -whether or not the hands should come in contact with each other; but -never shake at parting. When taking a lady’s hand, grasp it firmly, but -gently, just sufficient pressure to convey the feeling of cordiality, -nothing more, and raising her hand to the height of her waist, shake it -gently two or three times, then release it; never hold it while speaking, -and do not attempt that awkward, lately originated style of raising -the hands above the face, with the fingers twisted out of shape; it is -clumsy, decidedly ridiculous in appearance, and very uncomfortable for -the lady. - -7. Never kiss a lady’s hand when in public, and never privately, unless -engaged or very much attached to her, and not then unless she is willing -to undergo the torture. - -Do not, as in hand-kissing, throw kisses to a person in public, and not -at all unless under the conditions stated above. - -8. When engaged a gentleman should devote all his spare moments to his -_fiancée_. He should compel himself to forsake other ladies’ society, -allowing himself to be thrown therein only when accompanying his intended -to entertainments or dances, and then should control himself, so as to -give no cause of jealousy by his actions or apparent interest in others -of the fair sex. He should give all presents to her, take her to all the -entertainments and dances, and, in fact, let her find him always devotion -in everything. Clubs should be partially or wholly neglected for her. -Even under the circumstances, familiarity should be guardedly exercised, -especially with her family. - -9. Introductions are the most important of any of the numerous acts of -society, constituting a custom established by long and frequent usage. -It is easy to introduce, no matter how or in what manner it is done, and -ninety-nine per cent. of introductions are either improperly conducted or -a mere mention of names. To constitute a proper introduction there must -be three requisites, viz.: Sufficient language to imply an introduction, -an objective name and a subjective name each distinctly pronounced. That -is to say: the object is the person to whom the subject is presented; -second, the subject of the introduction is the one whom you present. You -must pronounce both names distinctly. First, be sure that both are aware -of your intention and secure of each other’s attention, then proceed -by saying: _(Ex.)_ “Miss Smith [object], please allow me to present -Mr. Brown [subject].” This is all, and it is as simple as can be; yet -people will mumble and stammer and stumble through an introduction as -if it were the most difficult of performances. If the object or subject -of an introduction is a sister, brother, or parent, do not say, as many -do—Miss Smith, my brother, or my sister, naming the relation only; but -say always—Miss Smith, my brother, Mr. Brown. This rule is in view of the -fact that the introducer’s name is not always familiar to the object. -Never mention the name of the subject first. When introducing extend -the right or left hand as a gesture towards the person whom you are -introducing. - -It is important to make introductions carefully and at the proper time. -Do not suffer a person with whom you are acquainted to remain in your -own party without introducing him to every member of that party. When -talking to a person, and joined by a third, immediately introduce. The -rules of introduction should be strictly observed in regard to ladies. -As much as possible avoid introducing on the street, and when doing -so do not stop the objective persons, but join them as explained in -Section 4, Actions Outdoors, whether lady or gentleman, and present the -subject while walking. Do not introduce to young ladies under age without -the chaperon’s or guardian’s consent, and ladies of age without their -approval having first been received. Do not present or attempt to present -a man of whose character or reputation you are doubtful; for thousands of -serious results have been thus occasioned. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -PROPOSING - - -A gentleman, when he is sure that his attachment to a lady has attained -perfection, and is positive of being ever afterward so attached to her as -to permit of no disturbance of that affection by force of circumstances, -may then and only then have the right of asking for her hand in marriage. -It is a much-mooted question whether a gentleman should ask the parents’ -or guardian’s consent to the proposal, if the young lady or himself -or both are under age. If we follow the continental rule, this is the -proper action in the matter. This course is certainly more honorable. -It matters not which parent is first consulted, though the father is -preferred. The parent, or parents, or guardian may be consulted in person -or by letter. After their consent has been gained, the proposal is made -to the woman chosen. If she refuses, then nothing more on the subject -need be said till subsequent proposals are attempted. A refusal need not -be reported to the parents or guardians. If she accepts, he immediately -informs them. If both parties are of age, or independent, it is not -essential to a proposal that parents or guardians should be consulted. - - -HOW TO PROPOSE - -Remember that you are a gentleman, and success will be yours if the lady -possesses any love or affection in her heart for you. It is best not to -force your suit upon a woman, for such engagements often cause either a -breaking of the engagement between the parties, or unhappiness to both. -It is far better to undergo the pain of a refusal for the time being, -and endeavor to gain her affection afterward in view of another and more -successful trial. - -Never propose in any way but in person. Letters are very poor mediums of -the affection; besides, a woman prefers personal tenders of affection. -When you propose, never do so unless alone with the lady, either in-doors -or out, but not in public, when promenading, driving, or riding, or on -any occasion where she cannot give you her undivided attention. - -A proposal is, next to a marriage, the most important event in a man’s -life, and, if looked favorably upon by the woman, is such also in her -life. Therefore take plenty of time to think over the seriousness of the -step; consider how much interest the lady has previously shown in you, -and the result to your feelings if refused. - -If a lady appears uncertain in her answer, you can depend upon it that -she is weighing in golden scales the results, the strength of her own -affection; and, above all, you may justly and correctly construe that the -greater cause of her hesitation is uncertainty of your regard for her, -whether true of the heart, or falsely stated. For no woman cares to have -a man know that she entertains affection for him unless she is confident -he will appreciate it. Thus if it be not a positive refusal, but -hesitation only, always be determined, and decide for her by describing -the happiness that only you could furnish her. These arguments, if -anything would avail, will help to strengthen and control her decision. - -Always plead your cause with eyes and speech only. When accepted it is -left to the option of the suitor as to what mode of procedure will best -express his delight and happiness. But perhaps for those of timid and -bashful nature it is advisable to suggest a standard course of action, -viz.: when the lady replies affirmatively, immediately clasp her in your -arms; this is not, for true lovers, a very embarrassing position. Let the -embrace be gentle, simply to signify and give strength and proof of your -affectionate expressions prior to the acceptance. - -Always stand when proposing, as it lends dignity to the occasion and -allows of more freedom in expressing the feelings; besides, it savors of -very little earnestness to remain in any other attitude while making so -important a confession. - -Before proposing it would be best to ascertain how the lady regards you -in any particular light. If she speaks favorably of any one of your -fascinations, then on that foundation you may attempt to build your -future happiness. Do not propose in an uncertain manner, bashfully, or -yet too boldly. Be serious, desirous, and speak to the point; confess all -your feelings, state everything correctly and truly, and in as telling -language as you can possibly command. Do not laugh or smile, or cause it -to appear an amusing matter. It would be utterly impossible to illustrate -the language of proposals, for many and varied are the methods employed -and the language used. But if a gentleman adheres to all I have stated -on the subject, it will only be fate which will prevent the fulfilment -of his anticipations. A gentleman never makes free with the lady, at the -time of the acceptance, beyond the conditions stated herein. And from the -moment she accepts him, through all her life he must be constant in his -attention to her. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -PRESENTS - - -Under the general head of presents is classed anything given to another -at one’s own expense. Give presents to your own family, relatives, -_fiancée_, or very old friends, but not to mere acquaintances. - -SECTION 1. Flowers, though short-lived, are nevertheless the most -beautiful gift one person can make to another. It shows taste and a love -of nature, and nothing finds more appreciation in the hearts of womankind -than flowers. Be careful in your selection; suit the color and quality -to the taste and dress of the lady. Have them tastily laid in a box, -loosely, if merely as a favor; but if for a dance or entertainment, the -best way is to gather the flowers loosely half-way down the stems, and -tie with ribbon harmonizing in color, placing at the end of the bouquet -a bunch of leaves to hide the stems. Always send the flowers in a box; -do not carry them to the lady yourself—if in a hurry, call a messenger. -Flowers may be sent to any lady, married or maiden, but never send them -as a wedding present. When desirous of sending flowers to a lady with -whom you are about to attend an affair, first ascertain whether she -desires to wear flowers, and the color of the gown she intends wearing. -It is hardly the fashion nowadays to carry hand-bouquets; only loose -flowers to be worn on the dress should be sent. - -2. Jewelry should be given as seldom as possible outside of your own -family, dear relatives, or _fiancée_. If given to others, it should be -very small, cost little, and not be too elaborate; having merely enough -beauty about it to convey the feeling and intention of the gift. A costly -present of this class is seldom appreciated as it should be, unless it is -given to a lady who stands, or intends to stand, in a very dear position -towards you, or to a gentleman friend of long standing and sincere -friendship. The only exception allowable for costly gifts of jewelry -outside of those rules already stated is in cases of marriage; where -the act of presentation of jewels would furnish no ground of suspicion -further than extravagance. Whether for a wedding or an ordinary gift, -jewelry should always be sent in a box from the store direct, or by -messenger; never present it in person. And when calling subsequently -refuse the acceptation of thanks. - -3. For bon-bons and elaborate boxes, also for articles not classed as -jewelry, a much more lenient rule is applied. In fact, except for mere -acquaintances, a present of this kind may be given to any one, friend or -relative, married or unmarried. These, too, are not to be delivered in -person, but sent with card from store or by messenger. In such presents, -as in others, taste and fine judgment should be exercised. To a gift of -any kind whatsoever an answer should not be expected for three days. - -4. Photographs should never be solicited from a mere acquaintance. Wait -till you know a lady well before asking for her likeness. No gentleman -should be allowed to possess, nor should he seek to possess, a lady’s -picture without first having met her at least seven times. He must -first so establish his friendship with her that when he asks for her -likeness she cannot justly use the common expression that “he must have -her photograph for fear he might forget her face,” but would understand -that his desire for it comes straight from the heart, and not with the -intention of adding to a variety collection. And it is also unnecessary -to comply with a like request from the lady till of fast acquaintance. -An exchange of photographs is generally the safest way of overcoming any -doubt which may arise in your mind as to the disposition which the lady -will make of your picture, for then the maxim can be applied—“It’s a poor -rule which can’t work both ways.” - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -GENERAL POLITENESS - - -SECTION 1. A gentleman should always be perfectly polite with his social -inferiors, no matter how he may be brought in contact with them, whether -he meets them in company with his equals or inferiors, or if alone. -For though your inferiors, they deserve respect, and a deviation from -politeness on their account would cause your politeness towards equals -to appear false, a shield to your true manner. Always be polite to your -inferiors, and it naturally follows that you will be politeness itself -with your equals. A gentleman has no superiors. - -Politeness is called for in every turn a gentleman may make, whether -among ladies or gentlemen, or inferiors, in society or in business, among -relatives, acquaintances, friends, or strangers. - -2. An insult is not to be recognized when offered by an inferior; pay no -attention to such, unless it is followed by violence, or when it places -you in an awkward position in presence of equals, and even then, if -from one decidedly inferior, or a woman, do not return it, but summon -the agents of the law to rid you of the nuisance. If an equal, it is at -your own option whether or not you resent the insult, which can be done -by the use of irony; thus, though an implied return of the insult, your -resentment is on its face politeness itself. Duels are not allowable -in America, and seldom in any country. A deadly insult is now usually -looked upon by society as a just cause of expulsion of the insulter from -its ranks, as no longer worthy of the name of gentleman; for modern -society is more just than the society in the days of knighthood, when -a gross insult would be looked upon with favor, as but a preliminary -to a test of skill at arms. All the remedy a gentleman has in this age -is either an apology from his opponent, or the future avoidance and -non-recognition of him, or, in extreme cases, a resort to the law. - -3. The most indifferent, collected, firm, and _blasé_ of society men are -susceptible to embarrassments. No matter how sure you may be of being -proof against them, there always comes a time when the firm foundation is -undermined by a sudden inpour of unforeseen circumstances, which brings -your guarded and fortified walls of conceit and coolness to earth, -and tends to humble your pride. Now, many society men hold that a man -should never become embarrassed under any circumstances. Not so; there -are instances where to remain unmoved and indifferent to embarrassment -would show an uncultured exercise of politeness. For example, how -could a gentleman, having spoken to his companion of a third party in -an insulting manner, refrain from embarrassment when that companion -subsequently turns up and presents the third person, who thereupon -reproaches him for his prior insinuation and insult? Yet in ninety-nine -cases out of every hundred the gentle and polite society men remain -unmoved and unembarrassed, making excuses and stating falsely. Yet they -leave impressions of impoliteness and rudeness upon the minds of their -victims. Suit the necessity of embarrassment to the occasion. Only if he -has shown marked impoliteness or rudeness, or both, need a gentleman show -concern subsequent to his remark or manner. - -4. Temper is the last subject for discussion here; but it is not by any -means the least in importance. In fact, if it were not for a proper -control and exercise of temper, there would hardly be necessity for -elucidating half the subjects already so defined. The temper should never -be displayed under circumstances pertaining to society proper. That is, -to your equals a tranquil nature and manner should always be shown, no -matter how trying the position. To inferiors temper should not be shown -while in sight or hearing of equals, and even when alone with servants -or agents only in case of breach of duty, and then should merely be -shown sufficiently far to make a reprimand more severe. In fact there -are so many remedies for circumstances tending to rouse the temper that -it should be done away with as a bad habit. When you do so far forget -your politeness as to allow the temper to rise, be sure that it is not -directed to a lady. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -VISITING - - -A gentleman should as seldom as possible offer a regret for an invitation -to visit, and when doing so must see that his excuse is a good one. -Only business, traveling, and sickness are sufficiently strong causes -of refusal. To offer a poor excuse is to cause a suspicion of a dislike -on your part for the inviter, his or her family or home, or perhaps -that you are too little interested in the whole affair to bother about -visiting the person. Such poor excuses, though apparently sufficient -in your judgment, not only appear weak to the inviters, but cause -them to neglect you in the future in respect to visiting. Of course, -if you are visiting or about to visit, an excuse to that effect is -sufficient, provided you explain that the invitation you have accepted -was received and acknowledged prior to the one which you are regretting. -Your excuse, when a good one, should be strong, sincere, and regretfully -expressed, and, above all, never hint that you will be at liberty for -a visit later, or at some future date. There is such a thing as being -too indifferent in a regret to an invitation, and also such a thing as -showing in a regret too deep an interest or anxiety to accept. And this -latter is bad enough without being accompanied by broad hints. If the -first invitation was sincere and the inviter really desired your company, -you may be sure a second attempt will be made and another invitation -issued. When accepting an invitation, it is best to adhere strictly to -your acceptation of the kindness and express such in sincere terms. Do -not be too effusive, but to the point, for an acceptance is not a letter -and should therefore be short and formal. If a regret, the rule may be -reversed, as, not intending to visit, you are justified in substituting -a letter, whereas acceptances are followed by the visit, and a lengthy -epistle would be unnecessary. - -After having accepted an invitation, be sure to take with you a -sufficient supply of clothes for variety, and also that you may be -prepared for emergencies or a prolongation of your visit. It is very rude -and impolite to inquire in your note of acceptance as to the length of -time of stay. You may depend upon it that no person having any knowledge -of society would invite you for, at the most, more than a week, and if -longer the inviter would acquaint you of the fact in the invitation. But -for a week or less the inviter would neglect to mention any given time -of stay. But it should be understood that at the close of the second day -the visitor is to remark upon his departure as fixed for the following -day; then if the host or hostess desire your presence for a longer -period, they will express themselves to that effect. It is safer always -to take one week’s supply of linen, in view of such an expression from -them. Of course these rules only apply to formal invitations between -friends of long standing, but who have been more or less separated, or -friends of late acknowledgment, or perhaps, in rare instances, mere -acquaintances, and have nothing whatever to do with fast friendship, -where it would be absolutely impossible to govern the parties in their -manner of recognizing and accepting or regretting invitations, and their -actions subsequent to their arrival at the place of visitation. Such -an invitation is controlled generally by the mutual acquiescence and -approval of the parties, and is too informal to be considered under the -head of formal customs. - -Therefore to adhere strictly to the essential rules for a formal visitor: - -A gentleman should make it a rule to be punctual to the time set for -his arrival, be it morning, afternoon, or evening. When expected in -the morning for breakfast, and the place of visit is out of town, if -he arrives at his destination earlier than to his knowledge the family -are accustomed to rise, then he should occupy himself in some way till -it is time to put in an appearance, that he may be received by the -host or hostess at a reasonable hour. The first duty of a visitor is -to be punctual to breakfast every morning during his stay; and more -too, he should never fail to precede the host or hostess or both (only -these), that he may be thus prepared to receive them with the usual -morning salutation. As to dinner, lunch, or supper, punctuality is not -considered, as, being in company with his entertainer, it would be hardly -possible for him to be dilatory. - -A gentleman should never wear a dressing gown or slippers outside of his -room, when visiting or otherwise. He should never enter the dining-room -till the host or hostess, or both, have preceded him. Table manners are -the same in visiting as at dinners at home and the like. - -After any meal be careful not to appear uneasy or dissatisfied with -the proceedings of your entertainer; and do not, no matter how great a -desire you may have, express opinions upon any arrangements, or suggest -any occupation for the consumption of time, without first being asked -for your advice or opinion; for very often the host or hostess is led -into doing that which but for your request, and the fact of your being a -visitor, they would never have thought of or desired to do; so be careful -always to control your desire to make suggestions. Let your conversation, -manners, and actions be ruled substantially as in calling. Never remain -astir after the host or hostess, or both, have retired, but ascend to -your own room coincidently with them and retire immediately. During a -visit a gentleman should acquiesce in everything requested of him by host -or hostess, unless his opinion is called for, when he should, in deciding -between his entertainers and others, speak freely but impartially; but if -possible always decline the honor of judge. - -Do not appear at ease or at home beyond the unembarrassed exercise of a -visitor’s duties, for such freedom may tend to cause dislike for you as -presuming on your liberties. - -A gentleman should not visit unless he be prepared, in case of -emergencies, for a request from the hostess, if the host is absent, -or from both if the host is himself incapable, to act the part of -table-host; and to do this he must be thoroughly versed in the art of -carving and serving the viands, and in other ways demeaning himself as is -essential to hosts. - -In fact, in going on a visit a gentleman should be proficient in its -many requirements. Such rules as are here laid down will be sufficient, -and will not fail in leading him safely through the minor branches of -politeness. - -FINIS. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Simplex Munditiis, Gentlemen, by -Mortimer Delano de Lannoy and Reginald Harvey Arnold - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS, GENTLEMEN *** - -***** This file should be named 56287-0.txt or 56287-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/6/2/8/56287/ - -Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive) - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Simplex Munditiis, Gentlemen - -Author: Mortimer Delano de Lannoy - Reginald Harvey Arnold - -Release Date: January 2, 2018 [EBook #56287] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS, GENTLEMEN *** - - - - -Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> - -<h1>SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS</h1> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span></p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span></p> - -<p class="center">SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS</p> - -<p class="titlepage larger">GENTLEMEN</p> - -<div class="figcenter titlepage" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer1.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<p class="titlepage">NEW-YORK<br /> -THE DE VINNE PRESS<br /> -MDCCCXCI</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span></p> - -<p class="titlepage">Copyright, 1891, by the<br /> -<span class="smcap">Simplex Munditiis Publishing Co.</span></p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span></p> - -<p class="titlepage">TO<br /> -ALL WHO ADMIRE<br /> -PERFECT DRESS AND CORRECT SOCIAL HABITS<br /> -<br /> -<span class="larger gothic">This Book is Dedicated</span><br /> -<br /> -IN THE HOPE THAT<br /> -THE PRINCIPLES IT TEACHES MAY PROMOTE<br /> -STRICT OBSERVANCE OF THE<br /> -USAGES OF SOCIETY.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span></p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> - -<h2>PART I<br /> -<span class="smaller">DRESS FOR GENTLEMEN</span></h2> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span></p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span></p> - -<h3>CONTENTS</h3> - -<table summary="Contents of Part I"> - <tr> - <td></td> - <td class="tdr smaller">PAGE</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Introduction</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#I_INTRODUCTION">11</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Morning Wear</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#MORNING_WEAR">15</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Afternoon Dress</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#AFTERNOON_DRESS">21</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Evening Dress</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#EVENING_DRESS">27</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">The Overcoat</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#THE_OVERCOAT">33</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Attire for Riding, Driving, Traveling, Yachting, and Lounging</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#ATTIRE_FOR">38</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">House Wear</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#HOUSE_WEAR">48</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Sleeping Attire</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#SLEEPING_ATTIRE">50</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Linen</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#LINEN_AND_KERCHIEFS">51</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Underclothing</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#UNDERCLOTHING">55</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">The Art of Dressing the Collar</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#THE_ART_OF_DRESSING_THE_COLLAR">57</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Walking Stick and Umbrella</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#WALKING_STICK_AND_UMBRELLA">63</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Miscellanies</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#MISCELLANIES">65</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdsub"><span class="smcap">Dress for Weddings—Funerals—Christenings—at - Home or Church—New Year’s Calls—Mourning—Church - Wear—Suspenders—Uppers—Attire - Made to Order—Blondes - and Brunettes—Jewelry—Dressing Case—Articles - for Same—Rubbers—English - Rain Attire—Cloth Bands on Top-Hats—Wigs—Opera - Glass—Decorations—Fans—Trousers - Crease—Pockets—Monocle—Dress - Shields—English Hunt Attire—Hunt - Ball—Closing Remarks.</span></td> - <td class="tdr"></td> - </tr> -</table> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span></p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span></p> - -<h3 id="I_INTRODUCTION"><i>INTRODUCTION</i></h3> - -<p><i>Dress is the embodiment of taste and -refinement. A man looks, and is, distinguished, -when he shows simple elegance -in his dress. It is not necessary to have -wealth in order to dress well. With -judgment and economy, one can be something -of a dresser. This book is but a -guide for men who desire to dress, and -are perplexed by the multitude of things -there are to wear, and the ever-changing -styles.</i></p> - -<p><i>When a thing becomes vulgarly popular, -then, if you wish to be in dress, as well as -manners, a gentleman, cast it aside, and -seek something newer and less common.</i></p> - -<p><i>Dressing may be carried to any extent, -but it is not good taste to do so.</i></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span></p> - -<p><i>A gentleman is conspicuous for one -thing only—his good taste. Above all -dress are manners and grace. Without -these, one can never be a gentleman.</i></p> - -<p><i>In the other part of this work, manners -and customs may be studied.</i></p> - -<p><i>A gentleman is a man of taste, culture, -and refinement.</i></p> - -<p><i>No man is a gentleman who merely -does the acts of a gentleman. He must -show good breeding—in dress, manners, -and conversation.</i></p> - -<p><i>His dress is the perfection of raiment. -His manner is grace and ease personified. -His conversation, knowledge itself.</i></p> - -<p><i>Proud, indeed, may the man be who can -write after his name—gentleman.</i></p> - -<p><i>Let “Simplex Munditiis” be your -motto for dress.</i></p> - -<p><i>Each person must remember one thing: -that, to be distingué in dress, he must -dress, as regards material, richly; and, as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span> -to pattern of cloth, plainly. In other words, -simple elegance shows the gentleman.</i></p> - -<p><i>Everything you wear must be immaculate.</i></p> - -<p><i>There are three dress divisions of the -day:</i></p> - -<p><i>Morning wear.</i></p> - -<p><i>Afternoon dress.</i></p> - -<p><i>Evening dress.</i></p> - -<p><i>The first may be worn any time of -the day before</i> 6 <span class="smcapuc">P. M.</span>, <i>though it belongs -to the morning</i>.</p> - -<p><i>The second is not worn before</i> 2 <span class="smcapuc">P. M.</span></p> - -<p><i>The third is not worn before</i> 6 <span class="smcapuc">P. M.</span></p> - -<p><i>The attire for all athletic games, sports, -amusements, for the clergy, and gentlemen -in the army and navy, it is not within -the province of this work to treat of. In -fact, we treat of only that which is worn -by a gentleman at home or abroad, in -summer or winter, when mingling in society.</i></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span></p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header1.jpg" width="500" height="100" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="MORNING_WEAR">MORNING WEAR<br /> -<span class="smaller">WORN ANY TIME OF DAY</span></h3> - -<p class="dropcap">Indoors or outdoors, morning wear -consists of the following, as the tastes -of the wearer may dictate.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Head.</i>—The black felt derby is the -proper hat for morning. The light brown -in derbys is a pleasing change for spring, -summer, or fall wear. But never be -without a black derby, as it is the hat -worn when not in formal dress.</p> - -<p>A derby is never worn with a frock -body-coat, a cutaway body-coat, a Cowes<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span> -body-coat, on a dress body-coat. It belongs -entirely to the walking or sack -body-coat.</p> - -<p>Have your hats made to order. You -will be better pleased in the end.</p> - -<p>The derby is proper and becoming to -men of all ages. I would caution any one -against wearing such derbys as are of a -pearl, gray, drab, slate, and cigar browns. -These are all in bad taste. The slouch -felt hat is ignored by gentlemen. If a man -desires light shades of derbys, then let -him have them the same shade as the -suit he wears them with.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Hand.</i>—Gloves for morning wear -should be a dark tan, and made of kid.</p> - -<p>Heavy weight for the winter months, -and very light for summer.</p> - -<p>Raw seams and arrow-back stitching is -the style. Generally one button only on -wrist.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span></p> - -<p>The leading furnishing shops are recommended -for gloves.</p> - -<p>If possible, have your gloves made to -order; you are then sure of a perfect fit.</p> - -<p>Never wear a glove after it becomes -soiled. It is just as bad as having dirty -hands.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Foot.</i>—Calf-skin, patent leather, -and enamel leather, are used for walking -shoes. They should be made with moderately -thick soles, taper at the toes, and -lace.</p> - -<p>It is best to have shoes made to order. -Nothing about a man’s dress is so quickly -noticed as ill-fitting shoes.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Body.</i>—The body-coat: This is a -black sack body-coat, either double or single -breasted. Both styles are correct. The -materials used are thibets, cheviots, and -black serges. At present they are made<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span> -with four buttons, very wide collars, -and very long in the body.</p> - -<p>The waistcoat: This always matches -the body-coat in material and pattern. -Likewise, it may be double or single -breasted. It is not necessary, in this -respect, for it to match the body-coat.</p> - -<p>Trousers: These may be of any material -and pattern. They may match the material -of the body-coat, or not, as the taste of the -wearer may dictate. It is better taste to -wear dark trousers with morning wear. -See that your trousers have the proper -cut, and fit perfectly. This is at once the -most difficult to fit, and the ugliest part—if -ill-fitting—of the attire for men. Therefore, -give it the most attention. In order -to have them cut correctly you must rely -on the fashion-plate and its accompanying -directions. Insist on your directions being -followed by the tailor.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span></p> - -<p>There is also the cutaway suit for morning -wear. This is worn mostly by elderly -and heavily built men. It consists -of a cutaway body-coat four buttons, -waistcoat single-breasted, and trousers. -These three pieces are always of the same -material and pattern. The same things -are worn with this as with the sack -body-coat.</p> - -<p class="sec">Heavy cloths for winter and light -weights for summer wear.</p> - -<p>The sack body-coat becomes all men, tall -or short, thin or stout, old or young.</p> - -<p>Fancy serge waistcoats, also fine linen -waistcoats, and sashes in summer, may -be worn with the sack body-coat.</p> - -<p>Never wear trousers and waistcoat of -one pattern, and body-coat another; it is -exceeding bad taste.</p> - -<p>Suits, perfectly correct and very elegant, -are made of selected materials.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span></p> - -<p>The sack body-coat, waistcoat, and -trousers are always, in this case, from -the same piece of goods. Some beautiful -materials of light shades are made for -summer wear. For winter wear darker -and slightly heavier materials are used.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>A Morning Promenade Dress.</i>—This -consists of frock body-coat, waistcoat, -and trousers. These three pieces are -always cut from the same material and -pattern. The body-coat and waistcoat -may be single or double-breasted.</p> - -<p>Only light shades or patterns of cloths -are used. Never have this promenade -dress in black. The correct head covering -is the black silk top-hat with this -promenade dress.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer2.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header2.jpg" width="500" height="80" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="AFTERNOON_DRESS">AFTERNOON DRESS<br /> -<span class="smaller">WORN AFTER TWO P. M.</span></h3> - -<p class="sec dropcap"><i>The Head.</i>—A black silk top-hat. -Always of the latest pattern, either -Paris, London, or New-York make. All -are equally stylish. This hat, above all -others, should be made to order; this -being necessary if you desire a fit both -becoming and comfortable.</p> - -<p>In this city spring and summer have -light weights. For fall and winter a -slightly heavier hat is made. This is the -only proper hat for afternoon dress in -summer or winter.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Hand.</i>—Light or dark tan kid -walking gloves are worn. The back -stitching may be black silk or same shade -as the glove. One or two buttons.</p> - -<p>Undressed kid gloves, either light or -dark shades, are also worn especially for -afternoon receptions.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Foot.</i>—The leathers used are -patent, and enamel. Laced Bluchers are -worn at this time of day. For summer -wear, the same, or the same leathers -made in ties. Again, I caution you to -pay particular attention to the fit, and -have them made to order. You exercise -your own taste as to the style the shoe is -made in.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Body.</i>—The proper body-coat is -the black cutaway. This is now made -with three buttons, and wide collar cut -low, single-breasted. The material used<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span> -is diagonal. This body-coat should -be of light weight, as it is a dress -body-coat. French Thibets are also -used.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Waistcoat.</i>—This is made of the -same material as the body-coat. It may -be double or single breasted. The -waistcoat should be cut low in front, -that the large puff scarf may be well -exposed. Four buttons.</p> - -<p>Waistcoats may be of selected materials -such as fancy serges and fine linens. In -summer white or black silk sashes are -worn.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Trousers.</i>—These should be carefully -selected and well-fitted. The material -and pattern should go well with -black, as this is always the color of the -afternoon body-coat.</p> - -<p>Any pattern, checks, stripes, etc., may<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span> -be worn for afternoon dress. Never wear -loud patterns; they are exceedingly bad -taste and rowdyish.</p> - -<p>Never wear trousers of the same material -as the body-coat or waistcoat, as it -is not afternoon dress.</p> - -<p>Very light patterns may be worn in -summer. In winter slightly darker patterns -are worn.</p> - -<p>If pockets are placed in trousers they -are apt to be used; this spoils the set of -the cloth around the hips. Therefore -leave them out if possible.</p> - -<p>As a rule, the bottoms of trousers -should be turned up—about two inches—while -walking in the street. Of course, -on a clear day this is unnecessary.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Frock Body-coat.</i>—This is the formal -afternoon dress body-coat. In Paris the -men wear no other.</p> - -<p>It is never worn before 4.30 <span class="smcapuc">P. M.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span></span></p> - -<p>It is worn at day weddings, at teas, -receptions, and on the promenade.</p> - -<p>The material used is the same as in a -cutaway body-coat. Always black goods.</p> - -<p>The same things are worn with a frock -body-coat as with a cutaway body-coat.</p> - -<p>It is made single or double breasted.</p> - -<p>The wardrobe of a gentleman is never -complete without one or more frock body-coats.</p> - -<p>The frock body-coat is always worn -buttoned. It is worn in summer, but always -with a waistcoat.</p> - -<p class="sec">The cutaway body-coat is worn buttoned -in winter, and may sometimes -be worn with rolled back collar in -summer.</p> - -<p>There is also a double-breasted cutaway -body-coat, three buttons, always black. -This is worn more for promenading than -anything else.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span></p> - -<p>This can be worn in winter—on mild -days—without a top-coat or greatcoat. -The waistcoat matches it and the trousers -are selected.</p> - -<p>Sometimes, for promenading in the -spring, a frock body-coat with waistcoat -and trousers of the same piece of goods -is worn. In this case the material is some -smooth, light-colored pattern.</p> - -<p>Again, only a black silk top-hat can -be worn with this frock suit.</p> - -<p>This suit is worn without a greatcoat -or light overcoat.</p> - -<p>Afternoon dress is worn at day weddings, -afternoon receptions, teas, matinées, -exhibitions of all kinds where ladies are -present, and when promenading with -ladies.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer3.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header3.jpg" width="500" height="80" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="EVENING_DRESS">EVENING DRESS<br /> -<span class="smaller">WORN AFTER SIX P. M.</span></h3> - -<p class="dropcap">This is the culmination of grandeur in -the dress of gentlemen. Bulwer’s -novel “Henry Pelham” is responsible for -the almost complete blackness of the attire -for this otherwise gayest time of day.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Head.</i>—The black silk top-hat is -supreme and only here, as in afternoon -dress. Same style as that worn for afternoon -dress. The crush opera-hat is entirely -out of style in this city. When -indoors, the top-hat should be carried in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> -the left hand. The exceptions to this rule -are dances, evening receptions, and dinners.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Hand.</i>—The white kid glove goes -with evening dress, and must always -be worn with it, except at or during a -dinner.</p> - -<p>The back stitching may be self or black.</p> - -<p>Pearl or gray shades are sometimes -worn. No other covering should be worn -on the hand after 6 <span class="smcapuc">P. M.</span></p> - -<p>If one travels through the streets and -on the cars, the best glove to wear—and -perfectly proper—is the black kid glove, -with black stitching, worn only while <i lang="fr">en -route</i>.</p> - -<p>Never wear tan-colored or any light -shades of gloves with evening dress, indoors -or out-of-doors. It is bad taste, -and looks, as it is, shoddy. You may -wear white evening gloves at any time -or place after 6 <span class="smcapuc">P. M.</span>, and you are<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span> -not complete in your dress unless you -so do.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Foot.</i>—Dancing pumps are little -worn in this city, in fact they are <i lang="fr">passé</i>. -The climate is such, a man could never -be out of his carriage, if he wore pumps, -without risk of a catarrh.</p> - -<p>The proper shoe is made of patent -leather, button, kid uppers, and no tips. -This is the shoe for evening dress.</p> - -<p>Have them made to order, as that is -the only way to secure a perfect fit.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Body.</i>—The evening dress body-coat -is always of a black material.</p> - -<p>A radical change has taken place in the -material used. Dress for evening wear, -especially among young men, no longer -consists of the heavy, stiff broadcloths -and doeskins, but is now made of fine -diagonals, of an almost silky texture.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span></p> - -<p>This is the body-coat above all others. -Much care should be given the fitting and -style. They are made now with shawl -collar, and silk lined. Never wear any -kind of binding on the body-coat. Do -not wear buttons and buttonholes on the -sleeve of body-coat. The styles, changing -each year, should be followed minutely.</p> - -<p>In evening dress one must appear a -gentleman, if it is in him at all.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Waistcoat.</i>—Materials used, same -as body-coat, or white silks and black -silks. Patterns selected as taste directs. Of -course the waistcoat is confined strictly to -black or white.</p> - -<p>It may be three or four buttons; double -or single breasted. It may be low or -high. Never wear linen waistcoats for -evening dress.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Trousers.</i>—Black, and always the -same material as the body-coat. As<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span> -much care is given to the set and fit, as to -that of the body-coat. Leave out pockets. -Wide, black, silk-braided braid is worn -on the outside of trouser-legs. Width of -legs, medium.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Cowes or Tuxedo Body-coat.</i>—This -is for informal evening and home wear. -It is made of the same material as the -dress body-coat. Shawl collar. The -same things are worn with it as with the -dress body-coat. It is worn at home, to informal -dinners, the club, and the theater.</p> - -<p>For Sunday evenings this is worn in -place of the dress body-coat, with dress -waistcoat, dress trousers, and black satin -cravat. Again, only the top-hat is worn -with the Tuxedo body-coat.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Knee-Breeches.</i>—These may be worn -in place of dress trousers at any grand -ball, reception, or soirée. They are black<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span> -silk or black satin, or same material as -dress body-coat.</p> - -<p>In Paris and London they are much -worn. Patent leather pumps and black -silk stockings are worn. This is the only -change in evening dress, when knee-breeches -are worn.</p> - -<p>Of course, in this attire you must -always drive in a closed carriage.</p> - -<p>Flowered or figured colored waistcoats, -double or single breasted, may be worn; -white or black preferred. The dress body-coats -may also be in colors as well as -black. An elegant attire, such as this, is -to be worn for grand formal evening -dress.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer4.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header4.jpg" width="500" height="110" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="THE_OVERCOAT">THE OVERCOAT</h3> - -<p class="sec dropcap"><i>Greatcoat.</i>—This is a heavy greatcoat, -with or without a cape, as -fashion or taste may decide. Double or -single breasted, long or short. It is worn -during the day only, either over morning -wear or afternoon dress.</p> - -<p>It is most fashionable and elegant when -made of some black or dark blue material.</p> - -<p>The very latest in this greatcoat is made -thus: very long—five inches below -knee—no fit, without seam in middle -of back—broad shawl collar of black velvet, -single-breasted, dark blue box-cloth.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span> -It is shoulder-lined with black silk. For -afternoon dress wear only.</p> - -<p>One may follow his own taste in selecting -a material for this day greatcoat.</p> - -<p>This is made to wear during the coldest -weather. It should be removed immediately -on going indoors.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Light Overcoat.</i>—For fall and spring -wear. This is box cut, made of a light -weight material.</p> - -<p>The overcoat for cool days and evening -wear, as over evening dress in summer, -is of some selected black material. The -day overcoat or afternoon walking-coat is -of some light pattern, selected according -to taste of wearer. These overcoats are -now cut very short.</p> - -<p>These overcoats are worn over morning -wear or afternoon dress, particularly -the light shades over the latter.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Driving Overcoat.</i>—This is a box-coat -cut long or short. Double or single-breasted. -The color should be light, as it -will not show dust.</p> - -<p>Heavy material is used for winter and -light for summer driving.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Riding Top-coat.</i>—This is a short -English box-coat. The material is soft and -of medium weight. The color may be -light or dark.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Raglan.</i>—“Lord Chumly,” Inverness, -or sleeveless, greatcoat for evening -wear.</p> - -<p>This is the only greatcoat to wear over -evening dress.</p> - -<p>It is always black, and with a large, full-length -cape.</p> - -<p>There are no sleeves, the cape covering -the arms completely.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span></p> - -<p>This is the perfect greatcoat to wear -over evening dress, as removing and -placing on can be accomplished without -disturbing in any way the dress.</p> - -<p>This greatcoat makes up for the ugliness -of the day overcoats in the graceful -appearance it gives the wearer.</p> - -<p>It is worn at night only, in the carriage, -or on the street. It is removed on going -indoors.</p> - -<p class="sec">Ulsters, fur greatcoats, and greatcoats -with fur collars and cuffs, may be worn -for very cold weather. They are for day -wear only.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Mackintosh.</i>—This is made in -any pattern; the inner lining being rubber. -With or without cape. Double -or single breasted. Light weights for -summer and heavy for winter wear.</p> - -<p>It is worn by day only. It may be -worn with morning wear or afternoon<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span> -dress. In the latter a top-hat should never -be worn with a mackintosh. Only a -derby is worn.</p> - -<p>In all cloudy, damp, or wet weather -the mackintosh appears.</p> - -<p>It is not necessary to carry an umbrella.</p> - -<p>The mackintosh should be worn very -long, and rather loose in fit.</p> - -<p class="sec">You may follow the fashion-plate as -regards the style your greatcoat or overcoat -is to be made in.</p> - -<p>You will discuss with your cutter the -correct thing in seams, linings, buttons, -and pockets. These things are constantly -changing, and therefore have no fixed -rule.</p> - -<p>Covered buttons are worn only on light -walking overcoats and evening greatcoats.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer4.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header5.jpg" width="500" height="110" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="ATTIRE_FOR">ATTIRE FOR RIDING, DRIVING, TRAVELING, YACHTING, AND LOUNGING</h3> - -<h4>RIDING</h4> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Head.</i>—Black derby for winter. -Brown derby for summer.</p> - -<p>A cord is attached to the hat, which -may be loosened and made fast to a body-coat -button.</p> - -<p>Same style of derby as that used for -morning wear. The silk hat may be -worn for formal riding when without the -top-coat.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Hand.</i>—Dark tan gloves or gauntlets, -same as morning wear.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Foot.</i>—Riding boots or shoes are -worn, according to taste of wearer.</p> - -<p>The leathers used are patent or enamel.</p> - -<p>Spurs of nickel or silver plate are worn.</p> - -<p>The crop is always carried. This is -silver mounted, and any selected wood.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Body.</i>—A four-button, single-breasted -cutaway of any selected material -and pattern—not black—is the proper -body-coat. Very short skirts. Waistcoat -same, or selected material. High cut; -single-breasted.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Trousers.</i>—They may be long, with -straps.</p> - -<p>They may be short—just below knee—buttoned -at side and baggy above -knee. Riding boots or leggings are worn<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span> -with the knee-breeches, while with the -trousers laced shoes are worn. The leggings -are made to button, strap, or hook. -The most stylish leggings are of the same -material as the breeches.</p> - -<p>Trousers or breeches should be of some -light pattern; material should be strong. -They are lined on the seat and inner side -of legs with chamois skin.</p> - -<p>For evening rides, as in academies, -the black silk top-hat, white suéde gloves, -single-breasted, black, cutaway body-coat, -and strap trousers of the same material. -Spurs and crop may be worn.</p> - -<p>For elderly men the black body-coat -and strap trousers may be worn during -the day.</p> - -<h4>DRIVING</h4> - -<p>Morning wear is worn for morning -drives.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span></p> - -<p>Afternoon drives, if formal, afternoon -dress is worn.</p> - -<p>The same rule holds good when you -handle the ribbons, as when the coachman -occupies the box.</p> - -<p>The driving overcoat is only worn in -the box seat.</p> - -<h4>TRAVELING</h4> - -<p>Morning wear is the proper dress for -all travel, be it on ocean or land.</p> - -<p>Sack suits, double or single breasted, -are exceedingly stylish and comfortable. -Dark colored material is doubtless the best, -as it does not show the dust and wear of -travel. Heavy cloths for winter and light -weights for summer travel.</p> - -<h4>YACHTING</h4> - -<p>This is worn on board ship any time -of year. For visiting on shore, a day or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span> -so, it may be worn, if your temporary -home is the yacht. Heavy material for -winter, and light weights for summer.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Head.</i>—The proper head apparel is the -yachting cap. This may be made in white -or blue flannel, serge, or white canvas.</p> - -<p>The yachting cap is for morning, afternoon, -or evening wear, in port or at sea.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Hand.</i>—For all formal affairs on -board ship, white suéde gloves are worn. -In winter or summer, tan kid gloves may -be worn with yachting attire.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Foot.</i>—Either a blue or white canvas -laced shoe or tie, with rubber soles, for day -wear.</p> - -<p>For summer evening wear, white suéde -or canvas ties. For the same in winter, -evening dress-shoes.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Body.</i>—For day wear, the double-breasted, -sack body-coat. This may be<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span> -blue or white flannel, or serges in blue -or white. Brass buttons are generally -used.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Waistcoat.</i>—This may match the body-coat -in material and color, and cut, or not, -as the wearer desires.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Trousers.</i>—These always match the -body-coat in material and color.</p> - -<p>White canvas suits may be worn, but -they are coarse and clumsy.</p> - -<p>White trousers may also be worn with -a blue body-coat.</p> - -<p class="sec">For formal occasions, evening wear on a -yacht consists of evening dress, as on land.</p> - -<p>The silk negligé shirt is worn for day -wear, if preferred to linen.</p> - -<p>The ties for day wear are four-in-hands -and cravats, self-tying.</p> - -<p>These are in silk, either white, black, -or blue, flowered, figured, or solid colors.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span></p> - -<p>De Joinvilles, also, tied in bow knots, -are worn.</p> - -<h4>LOUNGING</h4> - -<p>This dress belongs strictly to the summer -months; it is never worn in the city.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Head.</i>—For day wear there is the -white split straw, with white or black -silk bands.</p> - -<p>Also, the yachting cap, in white or -black. This is made of flannel, or a -material matching the lounging suit.</p> - -<p>These hats are worn for tennis, walking, -driving, riding, day receptions, lawn -parties, etc. However, these hats are -never to be worn in the city.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Hand.</i>—White suéde gloves are -worn with lounging suits, when walking -or driving.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Foot.</i>—White canvas, white suéde, -tan or white buckskin, and patent leather -ties, are worn with lounging suits.</p> - -<p>For tennis, and games on the lawn, -canvas, or suéde, or buckskin shoes, or -ties, with either felt or rubber soles, are -used.</p> - -<p>Have these shoes fit, and look as neat -as possible.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Body.</i>—First the material—this -may be serge or flannel—though the latter -is out, for the reason that it is more -heating than serge—these are always full -white.</p> - -<p>It consists of a long or short sack -body-coat, waistcoat, and trousers. The -body-coat may be single or double -breasted.</p> - -<p>The waistcoat may match the body-coat -in cut and material or not. Fancy -patterns may be used.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span></p> - -<p>Trousers are always the same material -and color as the body-coat.</p> - -<p>Have the cut loose, and almost flowing.</p> - -<p>The trousers may have a stripe at the -side. No pockets.</p> - -<p>Lounging suits may also be made up in -some selected pattern, as small checks or -narrow black stripes. But there is nothing -so rich as the solid white lounging -suit.</p> - -<p>The sash or kummerbund.—The length -is from four to five yards. Always tie -your sash—never wear those cheap, common -made-ups.</p> - -<p>A sash may be worn any time of day. -The material is always silk. Never wear -any but solid colors. Black silks and -white silks are the most elegant and correct.</p> - -<p>Sashes of maroon or dark blue are -sometimes worn. The ends hang over -the left hip, and should be evenly tied.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span> -The sash is worn with a lounging suit, -morning wear, afternoon dress, and evening -dress.</p> - -<p>The white sash is worn with a white -lounging suit and evening dress only.</p> - -<p>The negligé shirt is made of silk, or -cheviots. However, this is no longer -worn by young gentlemen of fashion.</p> - -<p>A word about this shirt—it is doubtless -very comfortable, and can be worn longer -than linen, but it is not as cool as linen, -nor does it look as well about the neck.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer5.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header6.jpg" width="500" height="80" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="HOUSE_WEAR">HOUSE WEAR</h3> - -<p class="dropcap">The formal dress is the same as that -worn at any other house.</p> - -<p>In the privacy of your rooms, however, -you change this attire for something that -is loose and comfortable.</p> - -<p>Sack body-coats of selected materials -are used. The trousers are of some black -or blue material, as selected.</p> - -<p>There is also the smoking jacket and -the poker jacket—these are in many -varieties of material and pattern.</p> - -<p>Again, we have the short and the long -dressing-gowns. There are many patterns -to choose from.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span></p> - -<p>Before and after the bath, the bath-robe -is put on. This differs from the silk -dressing-gown in being made of Turkish -toweling. No part of man’s attire is more -brilliant or beautiful than this robe. The -comfort experienced in wearing is only -equaled by its delicate and beautiful colors.</p> - -<p>For the feet we have the slipper; this -may be any leather and style your taste -desires. Slippers are also made to match -the bath-robe in material and pattern.</p> - -<p>You must not wear any of these things -out of the privacy of your own apartments.</p> - -<p>For a lunch at home you would wear -morning wear; a reception or tea, afternoon -dress; evening affairs, evening dress.</p> - -<p>It is as necessary—in fact, it is due—when -acting the part of the host to look -your best as when you are a guest.</p> - -<p>When you dine at home evening dress -is always required.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header7.jpg" width="500" height="100" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="SLEEPING_ATTIRE">SLEEPING ATTIRE</h3> - -<p class="dropcap">These are pajamas—consisting of a -loose fitting sack coat, and loose -fitting trousers.</p> - -<p>The material and pattern are selected as -the wearer desires.</p> - -<p>Light weights for summer, and heavy -for winter. Fine linen, silks, and cheviots -are used.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header8.jpg" width="500" height="100" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="LINEN_AND_KERCHIEFS">LINEN AND KERCHIEFS</h3> - -<p class="dropcap">This consists of the white linen shirt. -It should always be made to order, -if a fit is desired.</p> - -<p>The shirt opens in front only. You -may have two or three buttonholes in the -bosom.</p> - -<p>The collar and cuffs are attached. Never -wear detachable collars and cuffs.</p> - -<p>This shirt with the plain bosom is worn -for morning wear, afternoon dress, evening -dress, or any other wear during the -day. The same style of shirt is worn -winter or summer.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span></p> - -<p>Very elegant shirts are made for evening -dress, consisting of embroidered bosoms -or frills of linen. With each change -of wear the linen should also be changed.</p> - -<p>At least three changes a day are made.</p> - -<p>The style of the collar. This may be very -high, or medium, as your taste directs.</p> - -<p>The cuffs should extend to the first -thumb-joint. Cuffs are made with round -or square edges.</p> - -<p>The high, or standing, collar is worn -with morning wear, afternoon dress, evening -dress, and all other dress.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Handkerchief.</i>—This is of pure -white linen, with white borders.</p> - -<p>Embroidered or not, as taste dictates.</p> - -<p>The same style is carried with morning -wear, afternoon dress, or evening dress, -or any other wear.</p> - -<p>The upper left outside pocket is the -place to carry it, except in evening dress,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span> -when it is carried in the left or right side -upper inside waistcoat pocket.</p> - -<p>The handkerchief of silk is carried with -evening dress only. It is carried in the -right hand while dancing, and worn in -the shirt front.</p> - -<p>It may be any pattern desired. White -silk is always the body, the border only -being colored.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The neckerchief.</i> This is of silk, selected -as to color and pattern. This is worn -around the neck with greatcoat during -cold weather.</p> - -<p>It is not a good thing to wear, as far as -health goes.</p> - -<p>It is not necessary to the stylish dresser.</p> - -<p>A gold pin may be worn in a neckerchief.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Waistcoat Facings.</i>—These are seldom -worn now by the dressers.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span></p> - -<p>The material used is linen or silk, always -white. They are cut to match the -waistcoat, opening about the tie.</p> - -<p>Worn in winter only.</p> - -<p>They can be worn with morning wear -or afternoon dress.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer11.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header9.jpg" width="500" height="80" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="UNDERCLOTHING">UNDERCLOTHING</h3> - -<p class="dropcap">This consists of shirt, drawers, and -half-hose.</p> - -<p>The material may be flannel, balbriggan, -or silk.</p> - -<p>White is the proper color, because it is -pure and clean.</p> - -<p>Such colors as pink, or blue, or black -may be worn.</p> - -<p>Have the drawers fit tight, or the trousers -will set ill.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Half-hose.</i>—These should fit very tight.</p> - -<p>They should match the shirt and drawers -in material and color.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span></p> - -<p>Half-hose should be in solid colors only.</p> - -<p>Morning wear and afternoon dress. -White or black is the most elegant; other -shades may be worn, if desired. They -should match the underwear.</p> - -<p>For evening dress, white or black only. -White half-hose worn with white underwear -only. Black half-hose with white -or black underwear only.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Half-hose Supporters.</i>—These are made -to hold up half-hose. They are of white -silk. Other colors may be worn.</p> - -<p class="sec">Underclothing should be changed at -least twice a day. Silk is worn always -with evening dress. Indulge in baths as -frequently as possible.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer6.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header10.jpg" width="500" height="100" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="THE_ART_OF_DRESSING_THE_COLLAR">THE ART OF DRESSING THE COLLAR</h3> - -<p class="dropcap">In ties, cravats, and scarfs we have two -colors—these are the principals. They -are black, and white. With these, combined -or separate, the most elegant scarfs -are made. They may be figured or flowered, -or solid colors. The materials used -are silks, crêpes, satins and lawn.</p> - -<p>The patterns—with black or white as -a background—are innumerable.</p> - -<p>Use all the taste you can command in -selecting ties.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span></p> - -<p>Remember that black is your principal -body-coat color, and select your ties -accordingly. At the same time you must -not have the color or pattern of the tie at -war with that of the waistcoat or trousers.</p> - -<p>Never wear those flaming ties, or shades -that remind you of the colored paper sold -in shops.</p> - -<p>But a gentleman need not be cautioned -in this, for he has or will acquire taste.</p> - -<p>Besides black or white it is permissible -to wear such shades of maroon, green, -blue, violet, as are of a rich but quiet -style. These are only worn with morning -wear.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>For Morning Wear.</i>—Cravats, four-in-hands, -and puff scarfs. All self-tying. -These may be black, white, or any of the -before-mentioned shades. In silks and -black satin. Gold pins are worn in the -scarfs. It is the acme of ugliness to wear<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span> -pins in a four-in-hand, besides being vulgar. -The four-in-hand may be tied in the -regulation style or in the form of a bow.</p> - -<p>Never wear a made-up bow, scarf, or -four-in-hand. They look cheap, and they -are vulgarly common.</p> - -<p>Then there is the bow or cravat, tied -in the regular bow-knot.</p> - -<p>Black is the richest and most elegant -color for morning wear.</p> - -<p>The same styles are worn in summer -as in winter. In summer much of the -bosom is allowed to show; while in winter -it seldom or never shows, excepting -evening dress. Wherever and whenever -morning wear is used, any of these ties -may be worn.</p> - -<p>For riding, driving, traveling, yachting, -and lounging, the ties for morning wear -may be worn.</p> - -<p>Very elegant, large cravats—tied in a -bow-knot, or as a four-in-hand—are made<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span> -from De Joinvilles; either in black satins -or black silks, or dark shades of silk.</p> - -<p>The De Joinville is folded by yourself or -your furnisher. It may be sewed or not. -This De Joinville cravat is for morning -wear only. Always have your ties, cravats, -and scarfs made to order. This is -the only way to keep them uncommon.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Afternoon Dress.</i>—Here is the chance -for the greatest amount of display. Diamond -pins, and large, white, puff scarfs -tied and pinned in shape by yourself, -are worn with the cutaway body-coat -or the frock body-coat.</p> - -<p>In winter the large puff scarf only is -worn with afternoon dress.</p> - -<p>In summer, four-in-hands—either in -bow or regular tie—as well as the puff -scarfs are worn. With a sash—a bow -tied or a four-in-hand tied, its ends placed -in the opening of the bosom, is worn. A<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span> -scarf may be worn with a sash when the -body-coat is not worn open.</p> - -<p>Waistcoats should be four buttons, and -body-coats cut low in collars in order to -show the beauties of the huge puff scarf -now worn.</p> - -<p>Silk is the material for the white scarf.</p> - -<p>Satin is only allowable in black and dark -shades for scarfs.</p> - -<p>Exquisite silk or crêpe puff scarfs consisting -of white background with figures -or flowers of a violet, blue, purple, maroon, -etc., as your taste directs, are worn.</p> - -<p>Remember, simplicity for morning -wear—elegance for afternoon dress.</p> - -<p>For house wear the black silk or satin -four-in-hand is the neatest tie worn.</p> - -<p>The Ascot form of tying a scarf is seldom -used now.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Evening Dress.</i>—Full evening dress requires -the white lawn cravat—self-tying.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span></p> - -<p>Long and wide is the most elegant.</p> - -<p>Once or twice around may be worn. -For wear with Tuxedo or Cowes body-coat, -or the dress body-coat at informal -affairs, theater, club, or home dinners, the -black satin cravat—self-tying—is the -proper thing. It may be once or twice -around as you like. Never wear this -cravat with a white waistcoat or white -sash.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer7.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header11.jpg" width="500" height="110" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="WALKING_STICK_AND_UMBRELLA">WALKING STICK AND UMBRELLA</h3> - -<p class="dropcap">The walking stick is worn with morning -wear, afternoon dress, but never -with evening dress.</p> - -<p>The styles are ever changing. Sticks -are worn in summer and winter. In -selecting sticks do not take the extremes -in heavy or light. Never have any metal -but silver—it is the most elegant.</p> - -<p>Among the best dressers and beaus of -this city the walking stick is no longer -carried or worn, either with morning<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span> -wear or afternoon dress. As went the -rapier so goes the walking stick.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Umbrella.</i>—This is worn only in -doubtful or wet weather.</p> - -<p>It is worn at any time of day. Silver -is the only proper metal. The material -should be silk or part silk. Never wear -the case in the street.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer8.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header12.jpg" width="500" height="100" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="MISCELLANIES">MISCELLANIES</h3> - -<p class="sec dropcap"><i>Weddings.</i>—At morning weddings, -the bridegroom wears -formal afternoon dress and pearl-gray -gloves. The others wear morning dress.</p> - -<p>Afternoon weddings, all wear afternoon -dress.</p> - -<p>Evening weddings, all wear evening -dress.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Funerals.</i>—If in the morning, morning -wear. Afternoon, afternoon dress. Evening, -evening dress. Of course, all the -attire is black in this case; the only<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span> -reason for black being the demand of -superstitious custom.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Christenings.</i>—According to the time -of day it takes place. If morning, morning -wear. Afternoon, afternoon dress. -Evening, evening dress.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>At Home or Church.</i>—The dress is the -same when weddings, etc., take place at -home as at church.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Calls New Year’s.</i>—It is not proper -now to make calls on New Year’s day. -That is the only time that evening dress -was ever worn before 6 <span class="smcapuc">P. M.</span> It was -worn nearly all day then.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>For Mourning.</i>—Everything worn that -shows, excepting the linen, should be -black, for all times of day.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Church Wear.</i>—On Sunday, afternoon -dress is worn at morning, afternoon, or -evening service.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span></p> - -<p>On the other days of the week, morning -wear, or afternoon dress, or evening -dress, according to time of service, may -be worn.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Suspenders.</i>—These may be of silk, or -any other suitable material. Silk should -always be worn with evening dress. -White is the neatest color that can be -worn.</p> - -<p>Suspenders are worn with every dress, -summer or winter, with or without a -sash. Each pair of trousers should have -its individual suspenders. Great care -must be used in adjusting the suspenders; -if not, the trousers will set awkwardly.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Uppers, or Overgaiters.</i>—This article -is becoming somewhat obsolete here. -They are worn in the street only. They -may be worn over any shoe or tie. For -traveling or walking only.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span></p> - -<p>On entering the house they should be -removed. If worn, they should always -be made the same as the trousers, in -material and pattern. They spoil the set -of the trousers in the legs. They are also -clumsy. They are some protection to the -trousers in muddy weather. They may -be worn summer or winter.</p> - -<p>Uppers may be worn with morning -wear, afternoon dress, or evening dress. -Black cloth uppers may be worn during -the daytime as well as in the evening.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Attire Made to Order.</i>—Have everything -you wear made to order, when -possible.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Blondes and Brunettes.</i>—Blondes should -prefer dark materials. Brunettes, light -materials.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Jewelry.</i>—The jewelry for a gentleman: -Gold hunting-case watches. Gold fob-chains -and silk fobs.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span></p> - -<p>A watch may be worn with any dress. -Silk fob for morning wear. Gold for -afternoon and evening.</p> - -<p>As many rings as he cares to possess. -Rings are not worn with evening dress; -only in the afternoon. In fact, it is not -fashionably necessary to wear rings.</p> - -<p>The buttons used in the shirt bosoms -are of gold set with precious stones. -Diamonds are the most elegant.</p> - -<p>Plain gold buttons are worn with morning -wear.</p> - -<p>Stonine studs or buttons, in fact all -studs, are out of style.</p> - -<p>For the sleeve or cuff: gold buttons are -used for all wear.</p> - -<p>Any number of gold pins for the scarfs. -These may be plain gold or set with -precious stones; diamonds, of course, -being preferable.</p> - -<p>Simple elegance is now the rule in -jewelry.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Dressing Case.</i>—Always have on hand -a large valise or dressing case for traveling.</p> - -<p>It is requisite if you go out of town for -a night only, it being necessary to carry -evening dress.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Dressing Case Articles.</i>—Articles for a -dressing case are hair-brushes, combs, -whisk-brooms, cloth-brushes, hand-mirrors, -manicure set, soaps, washes and -toilet lotions, wash-cloths, brushes and -picks for the teeth and gums, and shaving -outfit.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Rubbers.</i>—Rubbers or goloshes are -worn, if desired; but only while walking -in the street. It is much better to -have a heavy pair of laced-shoes for mud -or snow. Of course, when there is ice -on the walks, it is necessary to wear rubbers, -if you do any walking. Rubbers, -when walking, may be worn over evening -dress shoes.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Dress Shields.</i>—These are of silk or -satin. White or black.</p> - -<p>It is for evening dress only. Only for -winter weather. It is placed over the -linen bosom while <i lang="fr">en route</i>.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>English Rain Attire.</i>—An English attire -for rainy weather consists of an oiled topper—top-hat -oiled with vaseline—and -a long-skirted greatcoat, with a cape. -Material and pattern selected. This is -worn only during the day. Umbrella and -rubbers are unnecessary.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>English Hunt Attire.</i>—A heavy top-hat -of black silk plush is worn. Gloves, -crop, and spurs.</p> - -<p>A single-breasted, frock body-coat, -green or pink, kersey. White moleskin, -loose breeches. Top riding-boots.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Hunt Ball.</i>—The only change is in the -body-coat. This is a pink broadcloth<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span> -evening dress body-coat. A white lawn -cravat and white silk waistcoat are worn -with it.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Cloth Bands for Top-hats.</i>—Wide black -cloth bands are now worn on the silk top-hat, -afternoon or evening. For riding or -driving.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Wigs.</i>—The wearing of wigs is a custom -of the past. Whether it is to be revived -or not the future alone will show.</p> - -<p>It is perfectly proper for a bald man to -wear a wig. There is no reason in his -hiding the fact either. A young man may -wear a wig if he is prematurely bald. He -certainly will make his appearance more -presentable to others by so doing.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Opera Glass.</i>—A gentleman may carry -one to the theater or opera—evening or -afternoon. The small opera glass is most -convenient.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Decorations.</i>—These are worn only -on formal occasions. Then they should -appear on evening dress, or on afternoon -dress with a frock body-coat. Worn on -the left breast.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Fans.</i>—These may be carried at any -evening reception by a gentleman, if he -desires to so do, when there is to be -dancing.</p> - -<p>Folding fans, with a heavy black or -white silk cord and tassel, are recommended.</p> - -<p>As a rule, fans are carried only for -summer dances. A gentleman will find -it convenient and comfortable to have -his own fan.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Knee-buckles and Shoe-buckles.</i>—These -are of sterling silver. Buckles may be -worn when knee-breeches are worn.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Trousers Crease.</i>—This may be worn -in trousers or not as taste dictates.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span></p> - -<p>It certainly improves the set of the trousers, -and keeps the knees straight.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>Pockets.</i>—These appear only in the -waistcoat and body-coat. The only things -carried—morning wear, afternoon dress, -and evening dress—are the linen kerchief—including -the silk when in evening -dress—money, watch, and fob chain -in silk or gold, cards, pencil, silver or gold.</p> - -<p class="sec"><i>The Monocle.</i>—This is worn any time -of day. Narrow black silk ribbon or cord -is worn on it for morning and afternoon. -For evening a wide black silk ribbon is -used.</p> - -<p>Wearing a monocle is an English custom.</p> - -<p>The monocle is seldom worn in this -city. When worn it is placed in the right -eye.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span></p> - -<h3 id="CLOSING_REMARKS">CLOSING REMARKS</h3> - -<p>A gentleman in ordering his apparel, -whether for morning wear, afternoon -dress, or evening dress, will follow his -own taste and desire as regards the -style of seams, the material and style -of linings, the size, number, and kind -of buttons to be used, the number of -pockets, the length of body-coats, overcoats, -length and width of trousers, the -style of his hat, gloves, and shoes, the -length of sleeves and width of collars, use -of braids and bindings, use of collar facings,—in -fact, every point connected with -the making of garments, both outer and -under clothing, hats, shoes, gloves, and -ties, all these he must decide and order -the maker to follow out.</p> - -<p>It is only through this care and attention -to details that he can show his taste<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span> -and ability to dress. Most important -of all—especially in clothing—is the -selection of material.</p> - -<p>This completes the dress necessary for -a gentleman of fashion, in society or out. -He is not asked to follow implicitly the -rules as laid down here, but rather follow -his own taste and ideas in the making -and wearing of garments.</p> - -<p>This is only meant as a guide. It is -believed to be correct in all its details, and -can be followed safely as such.</p> - -<p><i lang="la">Finis coronat opus.</i></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer9.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span></p> - -<h2>PART II.<br /> -<span class="smaller">ESSENTIAL CUSTOMS FOR GENTLEMEN</span></h2> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span></p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span></p> - -<h3>CONTENTS</h3> - -<table summary="Contents of Part I"> - <tr> - <td></td> - <td class="tdr smaller">PAGE</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Introduction</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#II_INTRODUCTION">81</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Actions Indoors</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#ACTIONS_INDOORS">85</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdsub"><span class="smcap">(1) Leaving the Room—(2) Walk Indoors—(3) - Meeting on Stairs—(4) Hat Indoors—(5) - Body-coat Indoors—(6) Overcoat - Indoors—(7) Untidy Appearance—(8) - Cards—(9) Calling—(10) In Company—(11) - Receptions and Teas—(12) Luncheons—(13) - Parties—(14) Dinners—(15) Dancing—(16) - Balls, Dancing Classes, Theater - Parties and Receptions—(17) Bowling—(18) - Musicales and Matinée Parties—(19) - Amateur Theatricals and Recitations—(20) - Breakfasts—(21) Vocal and Instrumental - Music</span></td> - <td class="tdr"></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Actions Outdoors</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#ACTIONS_OUTDOORS">112</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdsub"><span class="smcap">(1) Walking—(2) Promenading—(3) Joining - Lady—(4) Paying out Money—(5) Taking - Seat in Public Conveyance—(6) Driving—(7) - <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span>Riding—(8) Sailing</span></td> - <td class="tdr"></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Personal Appearance</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#PERSONAL_APPEARANCE">126</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdsub"><span class="smcap">(1) Hands—(2) Face—(3) Teeth—(4) - Hair—(5) Facial Expressions—(6) Position</span></td> - <td class="tdr"></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Habits</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#HABITS">131</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdsub"><span class="smcap">(1) Smoking—(2) Drinking—(3) Chewing—(4) - Stretching and Yawning</span></td> - <td class="tdr"></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Conversation</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#CONVERSATION">134</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdsub"><span class="smcap">(1) General—(2) Grammar—(3) Laughing—(4) - Compliments and Flattery—(5) Small - Talk</span></td> - <td class="tdr"></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Correspondence and Invitations</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#CORRESPONDENCE_AND_INVITATIONS">138</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Personal Actions</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#PERSONAL_ACTIONS">146</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdsub"><span class="smcap">(1) Escorts—(2) Extravagance—(3) Kissing—(4) - Familiarity—(5) Chaperons—(6) - Handshaking—(7) Kissing Hand—(8) Gentleman - Engaged—(9) Introductions</span></td> - <td class="tdr"></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Proposing</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#PROPOSING">159</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Presents</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#PRESENTS">165</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdsub"><span class="smcap">(1) Flowers—(2) Jewelry—(3) Bon-bons—(4) - Photographs</span></td> - <td class="tdr"></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">General Politeness</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#GENERAL_POLITENESS">170</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdsub"><span class="smcap">(1) Insults—(2) Embarrassments—(3) Temper</span></td> - <td class="tdr"></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td><span class="smcap">Visiting</span></td> - <td class="tdr"><a href="#VISITING">176</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdsub"><span class="smcap">(1) Acceptances and Regrets—(2) Duties of - Visitor</span></td> - <td class="tdr"></td> - </tr> -</table> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span></p> - -<h3 id="II_INTRODUCTION"><i>INTRODUCTION</i></h3> - -<p><i>Before entering upon my subject, I would -first state that this work is unlike former -books on manners and etiquette, for it seeks -not as in those cases to establish rules, enjoining -the reader to be controlled thereby, -nor does it define customs and force them -upon his knowledge. It merely touches -upon usages of sufficiently long standing -to constitute customs of society, reviews them -before his mind, and classes them as faults -if not properly practised, and gives the -remedies of those faults. Also it defines -customs which are practised too exactly to -appear natural, and shows wherein they can -be modified. In this work there are no -monotonous rules imperatively laid down -and the subjects are not tiresomely strained.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span> -The most important customs only are described, -with their modifying rules; and -though the work may say what should be -done or omitted, yet it leaves it to the option -of the reader whether or not he will -perfect his social training by a recognition -and due exercise thereof.</i></p> - -<p><i>To classify the subjects under two general -heads, I would first speak of “Appearance.”</i></p> - -<p><i>There is no necessity for a gentleman to -give opportunities for others to criticize -his appearance. There is no reason why a -gentleman should not at any and all times -present a complete and neat attire. Dress, -extravagant or plain, can always have such -an effect, if care and taste are exercised. -If he is in doubt as to his own ability to -dress tastefully, then he should submit himself -to tuition, or, if he is too proud to disclose -his ignorance in the matter, he should -take careful notice of the appearance and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span> -good taste displayed by others, and endeavor -to gain knowledge therefrom. In order to -carry out my advice, it is only necessary -that a gentleman should either possess or -acquire good taste, and refer entirely to -styles established by custom, as elucidated -in Part 1. of this book.</i></p> - -<p><i>The second head of customs is “Manner.” -For a gentleman should not present a -perfect appearance as to dress, and at -the same time accompany his good taste -with bad or impolite manners. A gentleman -should have a thorough knowledge -of polite manners as established by custom, -such as are defined in this work. I mention -only the most important ones, it being -immaterial to go into the minor branches -of etiquette and manners, as they naturally -follow in consequence of a due exercise -of the more important ones. It is a -very simple matter to cultivate easy and -graceful manners, and just as easy to use<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span> -those manners in a polite and gentlemanly -way, no matter how or under what circumstances -one may be placed in society.</i></p> - -<p><i>And now I think my reader is prepared -for a perusal of what I would term not a -classification of rules, but a kind of outline -history of customs as they should be -recognized.</i></p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header13.jpg" width="500" height="110" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="ACTIONS_INDOORS">ACTIONS INDOORS</h3> - -<p class="sec"><span class="smcap">Section 1.</span> A gentleman should never -leave his room without a complete attire, -as it is essential that he present the same -appearance before a servant as a lady. -The same rule should apply when he -risks encountering unknown gentlemen, -or acquaintances, as it should be his desire -to receive respect at the hands of both -sexes.</p> - -<p class="sec">2. If passing up or down stairs or -through halls, a gentleman should take -care not to tread heavily; especially is this -urged in hotels, when it is found necessary<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span> -to pass through hallways late at -night.</p> - -<p class="sec">3. When about to ascend or descend a -narrow stairway, if a lady is discovered -thereon, step aside and allow her to pass; -your act thus permitting her free way -without the discomfort of turning, as -would follow if both met thereon.</p> - -<p>If with a lady, in ascending or descending -a narrow stairway, always precede -her, putting a distance of at least four -steps between. If on a broad stairway, -allow her to occupy a place next the balustrade, -placing yourself at her other side.</p> - -<p class="sec">4. Not under any consideration should -a hat be worn in a house or church; never -in a theater till the play is over, when it is -allowable, as established by custom, on -account of the draft following the opening -of the exits, and not in a hotel except in -the office or smoking-rooms thereof. The<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span> -wearing of a hat is also permissible when -lingering or detained in the draft of any -open exit to the street.</p> - -<p class="sec">5. The body-coat should never be -removed in the presence of ladies, no matter -how ready they may be to approve of -the act, unless it is their express and -unanimous desire, in which case the better -policy, in choosing between the alternative -of positive rudeness and a fall of dignity, -is to take the course requested.</p> - -<p class="sec">6. An overcoat should never be worn -in a private house unless the temperature -is such as makes the act compulsory in -order to preserve the health, and then -only on receiving approval from the majority -of those ladies (only) who may be -present. It is immaterial if it be worn in -a hotel, exceptions being made to the -parlors, ball-room, dining-rooms or apartments. -The overcoat should be removed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span> -immediately on entering a theater or music -hall if the intention is to remove it at all, as -it is the height of rudeness to rise in the -seat to remove it if the act cause discomfort -to, or obscures the view of, parties -occupying rear or adjoining seats.</p> - -<p class="sec">7. (<i>a</i>) Never add to your comfort by -making your appearance displeasing to -others. And under this head I would -state that the pockets of either coat, vest, -or trousers should never be bulged out -with articles so as in any way to spoil the -effect of neatness and cut of the clothing. -(<i>b</i>) The clothes should not be allowed to -wrinkle; if carefully worn, or when not in -use hung smoothly on stretchers, wrinkles -can be avoided. (<i>c</i>) The hands should -never be carried awkwardly, and especially -must care be taken to keep them out -of the pockets; such habits mar the appearance -of the gentleman.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec">8. Cards.—(<i>a</i>) If calling upon one -young lady, only one card should be -delivered at the door; if on two ladies, -two cards are required. It is unnecessary -that more than two should be sent -up, even if the call is made on the -whole family. This rule applies, also, -in delivering cards at receptions, teas, afternoon -musicales, and the like. Always -send cards on occasions when you cannot -attend in person. When calling upon -ladies visiting a card should also be sent -to their hostess.</p> - -<p>(<i>b</i>) The card should always have the -gentleman’s address on the right hand -lower corner; or, if he has no permanent -place of residence, then the name of -his club, or of some person in whose -care communications can be forwarded -to him. If his name has too many initials -to permit of using the Christian -name, then “Mr.” should be used,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span> -and only the initials placed before the -surname; but otherwise, the use of -“Mr.” is according to taste, whether it -be placed before the Christian name or -omitted, though the latter is advised.</p> - -<p class="sec">9. Calling should be confined entirely -to the afternoon and evening; a few -exceptions can be made in the case of -very dear friends, when a call in the -morning would not be out of the way. -Such should be made between the hours -of eleven and one. Afternoon calls should -be made from three till five, exceptions -being made on occasions where the lady -is in the habit of having five o’clock tea, -when it is allowable for the gentleman -to stay till his cup or two cups are -finished; on no account is he to partake -of more than two. Ordinary evening -calls extend from eight to ten and are not -to be made later than eight-thirty. For no<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span> -reason whatever should a gentleman stay -later than ten, unless he is calling upon -his fiancée; the evening receptions extend -from eight to eleven, and the call must be -made before ten.</p> - -<p>When pressed to remain to a meal, -unless at least five or six calls have previously -been made, he should decline the invitation, -exceptions being permitted when -the young lady’s parents or guardians are -on intimate terms with his own, in which -case the second call will justify him in -accepting. Intimacy between her brothers -or sisters and your own will not -suffice. The card is delivered at the -door, and while waiting for the lady, -enter the parlor. It is not necessary to -remove the overcoat until the butler announces -whether or not she is at home -and can see you; whereupon, if she acknowledges -your card, the overcoat, hat, -cane and overshoes are to be left in the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span> -hall; on no account leave them about the -parlor. It is not necessary to remove -the gloves. This rule applies in all cases -where ordinary calls are in question; if -merely on a mission to occupy but a few -moments, the overcoat may be kept on, -and the cane carried in the hand, but the -hat must always be left upon the rack.</p> - -<p>Always rise and advance to meet a -lady at the door; do not subject her to -the inconvenience of discovering you and -coming to you herself. If the lady seats -herself upon a sofa, do not place yourself -beside her without first obtaining -her consent. If you take the seat, be -careful of your position, and do not appear -too easy and at home, and, above -all, do not cross the legs. Also, keep -the hands as quiet as possible; don’t -handle any objects or toy with ornaments, -or twist your watch-chain, for -it shows you are either nervous or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span> -fidgety, and you thereby produce the -nervous effect upon your companion. -The conversation should be of a sensible -topic; or, if amusing, it should be at -least interesting: the best topics to -converse upon being theaters, plays, -society, picture exhibitions, art, buildings, -literature, and especially light -gossip. Travels may also be discussed, -but first ascertain of the lady whether -she has traveled; if not, and she does -not ask you to recite your travels, and -it is your desire to do so, then describe -them as briefly as possible. If you find -a young lady begins to appear restless, -say a few words more and take your -departure; there is no knowing but that -she has some other engagement. Never -at any time speak of an acquaintance in -a disagreeable manner. Do not even say -anything unguardedly about a third person, -for fear that the trait or action you<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span> -describe may disclose to your companion -of whom you are speaking. These last -two cautions may seem of minor importance, -but they are, on the contrary, very -important, as thousands of serious quarrels -result from neglecting them.</p> - -<p class="sec">10. When in company, do not by word -or action make yourself obnoxious to -those present. Your words should be -well chosen and spoken at the proper -time, and in good grammar; omit slang. -If of a joking frame of mind, deliver your -joke in a quiet way, and do not carry -your ability too far; for too much of a -good thing is worse than none at all. -A few good jokes, delivered with telling -effect, will do more for your reputation -in that line than a thousand poor ones -improperly delivered. No man should -laugh at his own joke, and when doing -so at others’ he should take care not to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span> -be boisterous. Do not monopolize the -conversation; it cannot be done without -interrupting others, and to do that is the -height of rudeness. When in company, -and persons are talking, do not pick them -up on any statement of which you do -not approve, and pointedly contradict -them, nor start any argument which -would tend to their embarrassment. -Never flatter or compliment in company, -as it makes the object of your attention -feel conspicuous, and those present imagine -that they are of less importance in -your estimation. Do not ask a young -lady to attend any entertainment with -you, or do not extend any invitation if -another lady be present, with whom you -are even but slightly acquainted; your -partiality for one should never be disclosed -to another. Unless you can do it gracefully, -do not execute a dance or attempt -to imitate stage performers.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span></p> - -<p>Also take care not to upset or run into -ornaments or stub the toe against them, -and be sure of your footing, that you do -not trip on mats, etc. A great many -gentlemen imagine it to be necessary to -back out of a room on taking their departure; -not so,—merely say “good-by” -(or “good-morning,” or words suited to -the time of day), and, turning to the door, -walk out to the hallway. If the hostess -has an inclination or desire to follow you -and continue any unfinished subject which -may have been under discussion, it is not -necessary to retire in so awkward a manner. -Promptly announce your intention -and enter the hall; while adjusting the -overcoat and gloves, the conversation can -be continued. This method can be exercised -without the faintest appearance of -rudeness.… Subjects to be carefully -studied for company use may be found -under the head of “Conversation.”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec">11. If you are at a special invitation -afternoon tea or reception, pay particular -attention to the hostess whenever she is -seen unoccupied, and offer your company -in escorting her to partake of refreshments. -Always eat lightly of the viands -yourself. If a crowded reception, half an -hour only should be spent thereat. A -reception call should be made within three -months thereafter; half an hour, or possibly -three-quarters, is proper for such a call.</p> - -<p class="sec">12. A gentleman should never enter -his sister’s luncheon hall when the repast -is in progress; such intrusions prove -fatal to topics of dress generally under -discussion, or other matter not intended -for his ears. A gentleman can give a -stag luncheon, or a luncheon for both -ladies and gentlemen if a chaperon presides.</p> - -<p>Under this head informal lunches may<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span> -also be discussed. These are such as -persons are apt to partake of without -any special previous arrangement, either -at restaurants or private houses. As a -gentleman is at liberty to dine where he -pleases, I only speak of the subject in -connection with ladies.</p> - -<p>A gentleman should never invite a lady -to lunch at his own house, no matter -how well acquainted he may be with -her, not even when engaged, unless a -chaperon be present at the meal, and not -invite her at all unless he has met her -very frequently beforehand.</p> - -<p>A gentleman can accept an invitation to -lunch with a lady under the same conditions -as those of an invitation to stay to -dinner when calling (see Sec. 9.)</p> - -<p>When desirous of asking a lady to -lunch at a restaurant, whether you take -her direct from the house to it, or while -walking, makes no difference; a chaperon<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span> -must be present at the meal unless you -bear an existing or agreed future relationship -to her, or your friendship is understood -by your own and the lady’s friends -to be so dear as not to allow of suspicion -or question—when a chaperon can be -dispensed with.</p> - -<p>Without a chaperon be extremely careful -in your selection of a restaurant; seek -those whose reputation is quiet and refined -and of less publicity than the rest of -the well-known restaurants. Always -when with a lady enter the restaurant -by the door intended for ladies’ use; never -by the public entrance.</p> - -<p class="sec">13. Evening parties should be attended -before the hour of eleven, in full dress. If -with a lady do not keep her waiting, but -rather let her find you awaiting her at -the dressing-room door. If alone or -otherwise take care to seek the hostess<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span> -on entering the parlor; this is a piece of -politeness sadly overlooked nowadays, -especially by individual gentlemen. At -a dance always take the inside arm of a -lady while promenading. Repeatedly ask -after her thirst, and never allow her to -approach the refreshment table, but bring -the glass to her on your kerchief if there -are no doilys. Always pay particular attention -to the hostess, and ask her repeatedly -to dance. Never, if idle and you -see her without a partner, allow her to -remain thus alone; under such circumstances, -likes and dislikes should be set -aside, or you should not have attended -the dance. Always offer your arm to -your partner immediately on ceasing to -dance. Make it a rule never to leave a -dance without bidding the host or hostess -good-night, and thanking them for the -pleasures of the evening. This is another -poor policy of a great many men, to leave<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span> -quietly without the knowledge of the host -or hostess.</p> - -<p>Party calls should be made within a -year at the farthest after the party, and -should occupy the same length of time -as an ordinary call.</p> - -<p class="sec">14. Dinners should be attended promptly -on time. Always allow the ladies to be -seated first. Do not attempt to pass anything -if the servants are present, nor even -if they are not present unless expressly -requested to do so.</p> - -<p>Do not attempt to speak when the -mouth contains food. When spoken to, -a motion of the head will be sufficient to -convey the reply intended, and at the -same time to acquaint your questioner -with the fact that he has spoken inopportunely. -In order to conform to the various -customs it is advisable to abstain as -long as is prudent from folding the napkin<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span> -till you view the action therein of the -host or hostess. But this is only necessary -at more or less informal dinners. -The prevailing custom of formal dinners -is never to fold the napkin. Care must -be taken not to make noises with the -mouth, when eating, and not to smack -the lips. If a total abstainer from drink, -you must not turn your glasses upside-down, -nor allow them filled. Merely -stop the servant when your glass is -half filled, thus preventing comment and -complete waste at one and the same -time. You must not call the servants, -but endeavor to beckon them to you with -the head and eyes, not with the finger. -Never speak louder than will allow of a -comprehension of what you are saying. -Do not toy with articles on the table, and -when the hands are not employed in eating -they must be kept in the lap. Don’t -put the elbows on the table. Reading<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span> -is not to be indulged in at the table, unless -it is a letter or special communication, -when you must beg pardon for your -rudeness. Do not leave the table before -the rest have finished except in case of -necessity, and then by permission only, -always excusing yourself. When remaining -till the finish, never rise till the host or -hostess or both have signified that the meal -is at an end, by rising first.</p> - -<p class="sec">15. There is one custom in this work -which above all others is essential to -every man who has any desire to play -the <i lang="fr">rôle</i> of a thorough social success, and -that requirement is dancing. There is -not one thing which a society gentleman -performs, which gives so much enjoyment -not only to himself, but to others. -Nothing is more closely criticized, nothing -more prominent when in execution; -nothing more benefiting as an exercise,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span> -and nothing more satisfactory to the performer, -than dancing. By that word is -meant any performance which has the -name of dance, and which has the -requisites of “grace,” “ease,” and -“perfect performance.” To be a perfect -dancer the above expressions in reference -to your dancing should be won from -your admirers. Do not think, because -you have an idea of how to dance, that -you really do so perfectly. The first -requirement to good dancing is grace. -If you are graceful you cannot appear -awkward to on-lookers, for your step is -firm, body quiet, and arms still. The -arm is never pumped, and the feet are -barely lifted off the floor. To have ease, -a dancer should appear confident of his -ability, and show that ability by a correct -and actual performance of the dance in the -above-explained graceful way. To have -a perfect performance of a dance, both<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span> -of the former requirements are to be exercised, -with these additional requisites, -viz.: use a long decided glide, never jump -or hop, always reverse equally as much -as you turn the original way, keep to -the side of the room, direction to the -right from the entrance. Do not collide -with other couples, or at least protect -your partner from sudden collisions, and -on no account allow her to slip.</p> - -<p>The right hand should be at the lady’s -back, between the lower ends of the -shoulder-blades, and should always carry -a silk handkerchief. Never in dancing -hold a lady close to you, for it is the most -disagreeable position for her, and looks -decidedly improper. Hold your partner at -all times at arms’ length; this gives you -freedom of speech, space to use the feet, -and allows you to glide more easily. In -a waltz, always take a long, sweeping -glide, with as little rise as possible. Any<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span> -step between a Boston dip and the Philadelphia -glide, if used as a sort of an imperceptible, -sweeping dip, will appear to -great advantage on the floor. A Polka -should either be glided or walked through; -never skip, and do not take too long a -step, and do away entirely with all fancy -variations of the dance. Keep strictly to -the original Polka form and you will avoid -all awkward appearances. The same rule -applies to the Yorke, Galop, etc. The -Schottische is a beautiful dance, if performed -gracefully as in the waltz, only -much more care should be exercised in the -forward steps. Do not use that once popular, -but awkward manner of skipping in -this dance, but the more modern three -running steps. Those familiar with all -these popular dances will comprehend -the importance of my criticisms. The Caprice -is the combination dance of waltz -and polka, and necessitates more care and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span> -attention than any other. Nothing but -the glide step should be used in this -dance.</p> - -<p class="sec">16. Balls, Dancing Classes, Theater -Parties, Receptions.—These may all be -given by gentlemen, if they have married -ladies as patronesses. Theater parties -can be followed by dinners at the popular -restaurants, the chaperon attending. -If the party occupies more than one box, -an equal number of chaperons should -accompany it.</p> - -<p class="sec">17. Bowling—Card-playing.—In bowling, -a gentleman should keep the score, -notify the ladies of their turns as they -come round, hand them the balls—not -too large, but heavy enough to be thrown -with ease and effect. See that they enjoy -the game thoroughly, or else cease the -sport. If you notice fatigue in a lady’s<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span> -manner, ask her to desist. Many -sprains, dislocations, and twists are the -result of attempting to throw balls with -tired wrists. A gentleman can organize -a bowling club under the supervision of -a chaperon attending each meeting.</p> - -<p>At cards, he pays strict attention to -those playing; he endeavors to make the -games pleasant. He should never look -over another’s hand of cards; and, above -all, should never cheat. He should never -gamble and bet on cards, nor allow games -of that kind in his house.</p> - -<p class="sec">18. Musicales—Matinée Parties.—Gentlemen -attend these either as escorts or -alone. They are at liberty to give them -whenever they desire to do so. They -must always have a patroness or chaperon -present.</p> - -<p class="sec">19. (1) When asked to participate in -amateur theatricals, do not unhesitatingly<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span> -accept the invitation, but first consider -your ability, not only to act the part -tendered you, but that which is of more -importance, viz., to be able to act gracefully, -and carry it out in all its perfection; -for it is only of too frequent occurrence -that young men readily accept, confident -of being able to memorize their part, -disregarding the fact that memorizing is -not acting. After having accepted an invitation -to act, being of fair ability so to do, -be careful to pay strict attention to your -part, and be punctual at all the rehearsals. -Gentlemen can organize amateur -theatrical clubs among themselves at -discretion, but on no occasion should -ladies be included without a chaperon -at hand.</p> - -<p>(2) Never offer to recite, and if asked -to do so, decline, unless you are sure -of what you are about to recite. Do -not make your recitations too lengthy,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span> -and not too dramatic. Be sure that your -gestures are fitted for the words used; -make them few, but telling. Do not -hurry through a piece; and above all, do -not shout; suit the voice to the size of -the room or hall in which you are reciting. -If encored, acknowledge such by another -piece, or repetition of the first; but to -further applause, merely bow.</p> - -<p class="sec">20. Breakfasts can be given at any time -within the hours of eight and twelve <span class="smcapuc">A. M.</span>, -to gentlemen, or ladies and gentlemen, a -chaperon being present for the latter. -Invitations for these, as for any other -event, should be answered within the -customary time—two weeks before the -occurrence; or, if the invitation is later -than two weeks before date of breakfast, -an immediate reply is necessary.</p> - -<p class="sec">21. When in company never offer to -sing unless you are perfectly confident of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span> -your ability to satisfy the expectations -of those present. If asked to sing, unless -of ability to do so, be not too ready -to accept the invitation, but wait till it is -tendered you again, so that, in case of -failure, you be not looked so unfavorably -upon as if you had accepted readily; the -same rule applies to playing upon instruments. -When singing or playing reply to -only one encore; to more, merely bow or -offer your excuses.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer10.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header14.jpg" width="500" height="80" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="ACTIONS_OUTDOORS">ACTIONS OUTDOORS</h3> - -<p class="sec"><span class="smcap">Section 1.</span> When walking alone a quick -step is to be taken; the toes must be -turned out. Never run into a person, if -ordinary care can prevent it, and especially -give way to a lady, no matter how -you may meet. Always keep to the -right of the sidewalk, and never pass in -front of a lady coming at right angles -at a street corner, unless a distance of six -feet intervene between said lady and the -crossing-point when you reach it. In -bowing when alone the hat should be -carried quickly down to the right, or left<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span> -if left-handed, till the back of the hand -strikes the hip, then slowly replaced on -the head. The taking-off of the hat is -to be accompanied by a slight forward -inclination of the body and a smile of -recognition.</p> - -<p>Unless the cause of the act is known -to the lady as well as yourself, never cut -her, that is, do not look at her and refuse -absolutely to return her bow, but recognize -it in an indifferent manner sufficient -to convey the fact that something is -wrong, and that the return bow was -forced, while still it is polite. If you know -a lady whom you dislike and have no desire -to recognize, never look at her in passing, -as you would thus invite recognition, -and would be exceedingly impolite in cutting -her. When you meet a person walking, -and that awkward dodging in the -effort to pass occurs, always stop and -turn slightly to the right till the other has<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span> -passed on. If it be a lady, the expression -“Pardon” is to be used as she passes. -If you step on a man’s foot, address him -with an apology merely; if on a lady’s, the -apology must be accompanied by a slight -bow. Never carry a parcel of any kind: -if a hat is to be taken to the store, carry it -in a leather case; if articles of wear, carry -them in a satchel. Do not wear too large -a boutonnière; a few dozen violets or two -or three pinks, or a few sprays of lily -of the valley, or a few pansies, or a very -small red rosebud for afternoon, and as -few leaves as possible. For the evening -a few sprays of hyacinth or lily of the -valley is the only proper buttonhole -bouquet.</p> - -<p class="sec">2. When walking with a lady keep -either a military step, or if her step is -too short for your comfort, then take a -Newport drag pace, taking care that the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[115]</a></span> -body does not rise much, thus preventing -a see-saw appearance. Always walk on -the side nearest the curbstone, except -in the case of a very crowded street, -when it may be the most convenient for -the lady to walk on your right. A distance -of half a foot should be kept between -the lady and yourself at all times -when the walk is not crowded; this is -necessary always in the daytime, and -also in the evening unless the acquaintance -is such as permits taking arms. -Never lock arms in the daytime. Always -pay attention if your companion is speaking; -your mind should not be distracted -by persons or objects passing; there is -nothing more unsatisfactory and disagreeable -to a young lady than for her to realize -that she is unheard and unheeded. -When with a lady it is unnecessary to -stop at all to permit another lady to pass -when coming at right angles, as is necessary<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[116]</a></span> -when alone. When raining always -hold the umbrella; when sunny never -offer to, or hold a parasol, unless expressly -requested to do so; a sunshade -is for a lady to hold, and looks out of -place in a gentleman’s hand, unless it is -a particularly heavy one, or the wind -is too strong to permit of the lady carrying -it comfortably. If she has a satchel -or large parcel when you meet her, immediately -offer to carry it.</p> - -<p class="sec">3. When joining a lady, if coming toward -her, wait till she has passed; then -turning, join her with the usual or intended -salutation, without stopping her. -Never come intentionally face to face to -join her; she will, presumably, think -that you wish to stop, and it is a settled -conclusion that a lady and gentleman -should never stop to talk on the street; -in a party it is permissible only if the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[117]</a></span> -several persons thereof have chanced to -meet, or are in the act of parting. When -joining a lady in the morning on the street -only accompany her a few blocks, for the -morning is shopping-time, and escorts are -seldom desired. Never fail to raise the -hat on leaving a lady on the street, or at -doors or windows. When it is muddy -cross before a lady that she may profit by -your action, by crossing in your foot-prints. -If very muddy offer your hand for -her support in finding good foot-rests. -Never carry the cane in the hand next -the lady if it is possible to carry it in -the other; if not possible, because the -other is the useful one, then it should -be carried under the arm next to her -with that hand placed at the cane-head. -The reason of this rule will be understood -on reflecting, that if the cane is -carried in the useful hand, it must necessarily -be conveyed to the other every<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[118]</a></span> -time a man bows; it is a poor action, -and presents an awkward appearance, -especially if the cane drops. This rule -also applies to umbrellas when rolled. Of -course this is plain, as it is not supposed -that a gentleman when promenading carries -any but these two articles. Never let -a lady carry your cane in the city.</p> - -<p>When entering a door or passageway, -allow the lady to precede you, as is done -indoors. When with a lady, and she -bows, your bow should be less marked -than when alone; the hat is to be raised -and carried quickly to the front as low as -the chin, then as speedily replaced. When -you consider the side you occupy, the -advisability of this manner of bowing is at -once seen on reflecting that a sweeping -bow would more or less interfere with -the continuation of your companion’s recognition -of the third party, which is a -complaint the majority of young ladies<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[119]</a></span> -set up. In giving a lady soda-water or -other cooling drink, do not allow her to -use her own kerchief, but insist upon her -using one of your own; a gentleman -should always carry two. Also, in view -of the fact that many pockets in dresses -are difficult to discover immediately, the -gentleman should thus be prepared for -emergencies. If walking in the afternoon -with a lady, and you are overtaken by -darkness, do not continue, but immediately -board a horse-car, enter a stage, or -have your carriage follow and meet you, -and thus return. This rule is on the -principle that ladies and gentlemen should -not walk the streets after dark, and this -principle is universally approved of by -society. The walk to and from cars to -attend theaters in the evening, is a different -matter entirely, and cannot be offered -in opposition to the above rule (as many -have claimed), as it is confined to only a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[120]</a></span> -few particular streets, and has nothing -whatever to do with avenue promenades; -besides, it is understood that crossing to -theaters is compulsory, and so excusable. -In taking a lady for a walk, you should -always provide her with a fair-sized -bouquet of violets, if popular, or, if not, -of roses to harmonize with her type, -whether blonde or brunette; or any class -of flowers which you know would suit -her taste, provided they are not out of -style, or unsuited to the season or for -street wear, or perhaps too loud for her -general appearance.</p> - -<p class="sec">4. When with a lady, always pay her -fare in a public conveyance, at a ticket -office, or gate, or any place where fare is -demanded, unless she has a ticket for the -occasion.</p> - -<p>If in the vehicle, at the office, or gate, -or any place requiring the payment of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[121]</a></span> -fare, and you meet a lady friend who has -not as yet paid her fare, do not offer to -do so for her, as it is very bad form, and -presents the appearance of a desire on -your part to let people know you have -money, and the act more or less reflects -upon the lady’s purse. If accompanying -a lady into a store, do not offer to buy -her this and that; such an act is simply -out of consideration; it is an affront to -her purse, and she rejects your offer; no -lady would accept it unless for some very -trifling purchase.</p> - -<p class="sec">5. When in any crowded public conveyance, -a lady gets in, always rise immediately -and notify her of the vacancy. -Do not think, because you are tired, you -are justified in keeping the seat, for you -do not know but that the lady is just as -tired as yourself. Again, when you see -a small space between two ladies, do not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[122]</a></span> -try to wedge yourself in; it is better to -be uncomfortable yourself, than to cause -discomfort to the ladies. Do not lean -over or against a lady when holding the -strap overhead, and she is seated below. -Always, if next the fare-box, offer to deposit -a lady’s fare, especially in stages. -Never in city conveyances, if a conductor -is at hand, offer your assistance in raising -or lowering a window, but solicit the -conductor to do it for you; if none is upon -or in the conveyance, then lend your help.</p> - -<p class="sec">6. When asking a lady to drive, do so -only on an advanced acquaintance, and do -not keep her out after dark. Take care -not to allow the whip to dangle in her -face, and, in urging on the horses, do so -in an easy manner, without that sudden -start which throws the lady so violently -back in her seat. Do not talk about -horses; it is a very poor subject, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[123]</a></span> -savors of poor taste. In calling for a lady -do not keep her waiting, but have the -vehicle at the door on time. If possible -to leave the reins loose on the horses, -step out and help the lady into the vehicle, -then pass round to the other side and -take your seat, carefully adjusting the -lap-robe over both. Do not keep up a -continuous chuckle to the horses, as it is -a very monotonous sound, but use the -whip. A full driving suit should always -be worn if a lady accompanies you. -Always wear gloves in driving. If you -have spirited horses to handle, it is not -necessary while driving to take off the -hat when recognizing a person; a smile -and an inclination of the head are sufficient, -for taking off the hat interferes considerably -with your management of the animals, -and has often resulted in serious -accidents. Do not take a lady riding in -the morning. The afternoon from three<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[124]</a></span> -till five is the proper time. Never on any -account drive on Sunday. Never take a -lady in a light wagon or buggy, or out -with fast horses, in the city, for it is not -stylish; in fact, such turnouts are common, -as in use only by sporting men or -horse lovers.</p> - -<p class="sec">7. Riding should be confined to the -morning as much as possible, and a complete -outfit worn upon all occasions. -Especially is this urged when with a lady. -Always keep head and neck of your own -horse beyond your companion’s, if a lady, -in view of being able and prepared to -assist her in case of fright or accident to -her horse. Always assist her in mounting -and alighting from her horse.</p> - -<p class="sec">8. Sailing is a pastime which can be -indulged in at leisure by a gentleman -who knows a thing or two about such -pleasure; whether he has confidence in -his ability or not, if he ventures upon<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[125]</a></span> -that pleasure he does so at his own risk. -But when he has a lack of knowledge, -and lack of confidence in his ability to -handle a boat, not under any consideration -should he venture to invite a lady to -accompany him. To take ladies sailing, -when you are ignorant of the methods of -handling sailing craft, is a risk that often -has frightful results; these have been -often seen, where summer men who -know positively nothing about the art -of sailing have issued invitations, and -ventured on their perilous, uncertain -pleasure. Always take a skipper, and -no danger will arise. Take care to look -first after the comfort of the ladies, and -always provide cushions, field-glasses, and -especially ice-water in view of a calm. -This latter is very often neglected, to the -great distress of the ladies when the boat -is becalmed. The writer can safely make -this suggestion, as he had such an experience -himself.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[126]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header2.jpg" width="500" height="80" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="PERSONAL_APPEARANCE">PERSONAL APPEARANCE</h3> - -<p class="sec"><span class="smcap">Section 1.</span> The hands should always be -kept clean. Do not think because you have -gloves on that you are safe in neglecting -your hands. You may be suddenly called -upon to perform some act which would -necessitate taking off the gloves, thus exposing -soiled hands. The nails should be -kept perfectly clean and projecting about -one-twelfth of an inch from the tender -flesh and not too pointed, and are to be -only slightly polished. All hang-nails -should be cut off, and advanced flesh -pushed back from the root of the nails.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[127]</a></span> -Do not wear too many rings. A gentleman -should never have on more than two, -and those to be placed one on each hand. -Always place them on the fingers next -the little ones. Large diamonds should -not be worn; one carat is the usual -weight. Also, do not wear broad bands -of gold, they are very common-looking -on a gentleman; a seal-ring or intaglio is -quite sufficient. Never wear bracelets, it -is exceedingly effeminate. And, above all, -do not wear ladies’ rings.</p> - -<p class="sec">2. The face, if without a growing -beard or moustache, should be kept clean. -This can best be done by a light shave. Do -not shave too close; to be sure it appears -more free of hair for the time being, -but then, as the hair grows out, eruptions -cover the face, especially the neck; thus -for a few hours’ clean appearance you -undergo several days’ discomfort.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[128]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec">3. The teeth should be kept clean, -white, and polished. It is necessary that -they be kept clean, as odors from them -sometimes give the impression of a -disordered stomach, and makes conversation -at close quarters exceedingly -disagreeable.</p> - -<p class="sec">4. The hair should be carefully brushed, -with a neat part, the sides at the front -being slightly raised and pushed back. -The hair can be parted on either the left, -right, or center of the head, but it should -never be flattened and plastered down, as -the appearance is very weakening to the -character of the face. Leave such a fad to -those of bad taste, who have nothing else -to do but corrupt the standing customs.</p> - -<p class="sec">5. Do not, no matter how much displeased, -at any time wear a scowl or -severe expression; it does you no good as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[129]</a></span> -to others, for they do not know the cause -thereof, and they naturally conclude -you to be of a disagreeable disposition. -Equally true is it that the face should be -free from that incessant smiling which -overspreads the countenances of so many. -The face should possess neither one of -these expressions, but present a set, firm -appearance, conveying no idea of the -thoughts of the mind. Outward causes -are exceptions to the changes of facial -expressions. When talking, care should -be taken not to accompany the words -with distortions of the face. The mouth -should not be opened too wide, nor the -tongue stuck out. Never bite the lips or -pick the teeth, as both distort the face. -Never use the eyes in a flirtatious manner, -as it is very poor taste and shows conceit. -Also, do not glance at a strange lady in a -steady or impertinent manner; least of -all on the street or in public vehicles.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[130]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec">6. Your position should always be -as dignified as possible; if sitting, the -body should be held upright and the arms -gracefully placed, and not twisted or hung -over the back of the chair. Always -face the person whom you are addressing. -When standing, your position -must be straight, shoulders back, and -head well up. The legs to be close together -or one slightly advanced, in a position -of rest. The arms can be carried -either by locking hands behind the back, -or in front, or they can be folded upon the -chest; either way can be made to appear -graceful. When walking, the body is -carried as in standing, and the busy -hand must carry its contents as gracefully -as possible, while the other hand is -allowed to hang by the side, moving only -with the motion of the body. Both, if -free, must hang thus; never put them in -the pockets.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[131]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header15.jpg" width="500" height="110" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="HABITS">HABITS</h3> - -<p class="sec"><span class="smcap">Section 1.</span> Smoking should be confined -entirely to a studio, smoking-room, drawing-room, -or library, when ladies are, or intend -to be, in the vicinity later, and should -never be indulged in, even in the places -mentioned above, if the ladies are present, -without their unanimous consent thereto.</p> - -<p>Smoking in the street is also objected to, -exception being made when on the front -platforms of cars, when a gentleman -should make it his duty to see that the -smoke does not prove disagreeable to -ladies in the car.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[132]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec">2. Drinking to excess is not the habit -of a gentleman. Drink should be taken -only in moderation, especially at dinner -parties when ladies are present. Do not -boast of your fondness for the beverage. -If you chance to be at all under the influence -of liquor, or even if you have merely -a strong odor of it on the breath, do not -attend a reception or dance, as such an -odor is not perfume to the partners with -whom you may dance or converse.</p> - -<p class="sec">3. Chewing tobacco or other stuff -manufactured for the same purpose should -never be indulged in by a gentleman, no -matter where he is. Spitting must not -be practised in the presence of ladies, -and should be done away with entirely -unless alone and out of sight of others. -Clearing the throat should not be done -in ladies’ company, and be careful not -to allow indications of indigestion to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[133]</a></span> -rise noisily in the throat. And lastly, do -not hiss through the teeth or hum to -yourself in company.</p> - -<p class="sec">4. Do not, no matter how cramped -you may be, stretch in the presence of -ladies, and not at all at the table, even if -alone. Yawning should be confined to -your own presence strictly, or, if it is -irrepressible, place the fingers before the -mouth.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer11.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[134]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header16.jpg" width="500" height="100" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="CONVERSATION">CONVERSATION</h3> - -<p class="sec"><span class="smcap">Section 1.</span> Never use sarcasm in direct -conversation, as it is but a veiled form of -insult. Do not use deceit, especially in conversing -with a lady; also, avoid prevarication, -as such is bad policy. Do not boast, it -is an absurd habit to fall into. Too many -puns or jokes become monotonous; jokes -should not be told in reference to a person -present, unless the acquiescence of -the party be first received.</p> - -<p class="sec">2. Your grammar should be of the best, -and your words selected with great care.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[135]</a></span> -Large words should be used very seldom -unless the topic of conversation calls for -them.</p> - -<p class="sec">3. Laughter should never be forced; if -you are not amused, merely smile. When -laughing at a small matter do so in a light, -sincere way; when amused by some -good joke or occurrence, laugh heartily -but not too loudly; merely convey the -fact that the joke or event is appreciated. -This rule should apply at all times when -ladies are present.</p> - -<p class="sec">4. Never flatter a lady, for it is the -poorest substitution for a sensible topic -that was ever thought of in society. It is -disliked by ladies and gentlemen alike, -and it shows insincerity in its every use. -If you desire to say something nice to a -person, make use of more serious expressions, -commonly known as compliments,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[136]</a></span> -for, if you intend to compliment and -speak too sweetly, it is not such, but flattery, -you are making use of. Only compliment -when a person deserves it, and -do not do so too often.</p> - -<p class="sec">5. In society one should always be -prepared for impromptu conversation, or -small talk, and should always have plenty -of it in stock; that is, not the whole substance -of the expected conversation, but -subjects upon which you can converse at -a moment’s notice. At receptions, teas, -dinners, dances, or any other entertainment, -the topics should be select, and -the oral abilities prepared to discuss them -in a free and familiar way. Such topics -might well be classed under the simple -heads of Art of latest Artists, Receptions, -Teas, etc., and especially Latest Novels, -then also Plays and the criticisms, or -Noted People of the Day. You will find<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[137]</a></span> -any one of these sufficient for short conversation. -Literature and grave subjects -would prove too extensive. Try not to -criticize people severely, and do not speak -on any subject which, after a few remarks, -appears uninteresting or distasteful to the -person conversing with you. When a -subject has been once discussed and -abandoned by all, it is bad taste to return -to it during that same conversation or in -the same company.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer12.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[138]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header17.jpg" width="500" height="100" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="CORRESPONDENCE_AND_INVITATIONS">CORRESPONDENCE AND INVITATIONS</h3> - -<p class="sec"><span class="smcap">Section 1.</span> Correspondence is a thing -which every man should be able to do -well in all its branches, whether social or -business, whether formal or otherwise, -whether brief or extended in its subject-matter. -A gentleman should always be -able to write sensible letters, and to the -point, without deviating from the general -topic. When corresponding with other -men keep strictly, unless with a very close -friend, to the subject in question. But<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[139]</a></span> -when writing to ladies the rule is different. -To adhere so exactly to the topic of discussion -is significant of a desire to have -the matter through with. Always add -further casual remarks tending to show -an interest beyond the duty of correspondence. -The ladies’ writing rule is -just the reverse.</p> - -<p>It does very well to insert, here and -there, witty remarks to break the monotony -of a lengthy epistle. Above all, it is -advised to abstain from putting in writing -any words imparting affection or soliciting -such from the lady. Write your letter -in one complete part; that is, let all -you have to say be penned upon any -number of sheets you may desire, but be -sure it is between the head address and -your signature. Never add a postscript; -this in letters, like a parenthesis in sentences, -has the appearance of poor construction.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[140]</a></span></p> - -<p>Do not write crosswise on the paper, -and avoid blotting the same. Also see -that you never write to a lady on office -paper, or any which is ink-lined, for your -social corresponding paper should always -have a crest or monogram at the top, and -such would not appear well or to advantage -on that which is lined. If you desire -ruled paper, let the lines be such as -are pressed into it during manufacture. -Lastly, never use hotel paper, except in -the summer, and then only when traveling -or visiting without a trunk, which -should always contain every necessity of -a trip.</p> - -<p>If it is formal, a lady’s letter should -be answered immediately, if there is the -least hint of a reply in it, but without -such hint the gentleman must not -answer. If it is informal, he must, if -requested to reply, do so immediately, -otherwise he may suit himself, but<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[141]</a></span> -within a limit of one month; later, -politeness would be at stake. But the -lady should not be expected to answer -in either case to your letter unless she -feels so disposed, or you show good -reasons why she should, and expressly -request her to do so.</p> - -<p>Formal correspondence can be indulged -in between any persons who may be -related, very dear friends, or even mere -acquaintances. With the first two classes, -a gentleman can correspond formally at -any and all times, unless expressly solicited -not to do so by the lady’s parents, or -guardians, or herself. But in the last case -he must have a request to offer or an -answer to return, and it should be very -formal, implying by its very subject-matter -that necessity caused the correspondence. -When writing a formal note to -a lady acquaintance, without her consent, -merely sign your name to the matter<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[142]</a></span> -and place therein your card, such as is -described in Sec. 8, Actions Indoors. Never -write your address beneath the signature, -or, as is sometimes done, above the head -address, in this class of notes.… But -informal and lengthy correspondence only -pertains to, and can be exercised at all -times by, very dear friends, <i lang="fr">fiancés</i>, or -very dear relatives. Acquaintances must -be subjected to the rule of formality of -correspondence, till they have reached -the relation of friend, which can be acquired -only after eight or ten meetings, -when there has been sufficient conversation -to establish what the parties mutually -agree to constitute fast friendship.</p> - -<p class="sec">2. Invitations are so many and varying -in their nature, that it is generally difficult -to say what kind of a reply, and -how soon, should be given. But all -can be summed up in a few divisions,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[143]</a></span> -viz.: Reception, Dance, and Wedding -invitations. (<i>a</i>) Reception invitations are -never to be replied to, unless accompanied -with an informal invitation to an -after-reception dance, bearing an R. S. V. -P., when a few days can be permitted to -elapse before replying thereto. (<i>b</i>) A -wedding invitation, like the reception, -needs no reply, except under the same -conditions as annexed to reception invitations. -But dances are the subjects for -which dozens of different kinds of invitations -are issued, when it is decidedly -difficult to ascertain the exact time, or -answer as desired by the inviter. The -answer depends upon the number of inviters -included in the invitation; the time -upon the number of days intervening -before the date of the event; if two weeks, -the regular time allotted, then an immediate -reply is necessary (exceptions in subscription -dances). If two or three ladies<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[144]</a></span> -or gentlemen, or both, are the inviters, -then address the reply to the one so -selected as secretary for the reception of -replies, and of course sign your name on -the completion of the reply; then in the -left-hand lower corner, pen, “Politeness -to”; then write, one beneath the other, -the names of all the inviters, including -the secretary last; this shows that the -reply is politely tendered to all. In a -subscription dance, an invitation for all -and every date of dances is usually sent -out six weeks before date of first meeting, -in which case three or four weeks at -the most can be allowed to pass; but -no matter when the invitation is received, -if two or six weeks prior to the first meeting, -always reply at least two weeks -before such first date. Dinners, teas, -breakfasts, etc., are the same as dances as -to time and answer. Invitations by card -to call are not to be answered, but should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[145]</a></span> -be acknowledged in person, as soon after -their reception as possible. Invitations -to subscription dances need only be addressed -to the secretary or inviter.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer13.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[146]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header18.jpg" width="500" height="110" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="PERSONAL_ACTIONS">PERSONAL ACTIONS</h3> - -<p class="sec"><span class="smcap">Section 1.</span> When a gentleman accepts -the honored position of escort he is supposed -to do so willingly, and with the intention -of fulfilling its many requirements. -Do not accept and accompany a lady to her -intended destination, and continually show -any displeasure in your position. Pay strict -attention to her, and leave her only when -she is engaged in some dance or occupation -with another partner. Young ladies take -escorts in substitution for a brother or -relative, and when so taking expect to -find them congenial and as equal to their<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[147]</a></span> -duties as any brother or relative would -be. When asking a gentleman as escort -the lady is expected to furnish the carriage -if it is her desire to ride; it is not -necessary for the gentleman to bring -her flowers in return for her kindness, -but an after-gift of the same will suffice. -When asking a lady to give you the -pleasure of her company for any event, -you must, of course, expect to pay all -expenses; if in the evening, and she is an -old acquaintance, always expect to furnish -a carriage. If only an acquaintance, and it -is necessary to use a carriage, then a chaperon -should be brought with you. But -the cars are generally the mode of travel -which can be used if a chaperon is not -desired.</p> - -<p>Never take advantage of your situation -when in a carriage alone with a lady, by -addressing her in any way too familiar -to be polite.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[148]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec">2. Extravagance is one of the greatest -faults into which young and old persist -in falling. Very few society men know -what economy means. So to point out -a few ways by which extravagance may -be at least modified by gentlemen: (<i>a</i>) -It is very poor taste for a person to -show by his attire extravagant inclinations. -Do not dress too gaudily, or -change the suits more than is ordinarily -necessary for special occasions. Let your -dress be not too costly, not too loud, but -neat, of the styles described in Part I. -of this book, and do away with too -great a variety of top and over coats, -neckties, patent leather shoes (for walking), -and, above all, elaborately figured -waistcoats, also elaborate canes. They -all combine not only to appear extravagant, -but destroy the effect of simple -elegance. (<i>b</i>) Do not spend money -for a thing unless it is necessary for your<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[149]</a></span> -own good or that of a relation. Presents -given by a single man should be simple -and of slight cost.</p> - -<p>If engaged the rule is less strict; but if -married a man should not only teach himself -the law of economy, but also his wife -and children. Such gifts as candy, flowers, -jewelry, etc., should be given only by -very dear friends, which relation permits -such presents to be of slight cost, while -they are appreciated as if of great cost. -Costly gifts to acquaintances are a gross -extravagance.</p> - -<p class="sec">3. Kissing is a pleasure which is not -to be indulged in except among dear -relatives, the family, wife, or your <i lang="fr">fiancée</i>. -Never kiss or embrace a person outside of -these exceptions, no matter how old friends -they may be. No lady would allow you -such a privilege, and if she should so far -forget her standing as to permit the act,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[150]</a></span> -you would be rude, exceedingly so, and -no gentleman, to take advantage of her -forgetfulness. Never, on any account, kiss -or embrace the persons, as stated above, -in a public place,—it is common. No one -knows your relationship, and no one the -length of time of separation; besides, the -act of kissing is very undignified and -ungraceful. Of course these rules only -apply to gentlemen; they are not enforceable -in respect to ladies, as the feminine -sex is supposed to be more demonstrative. -Familiarity, though allowed, breeds -contempt by degrees.</p> - -<p class="sec">4. Familiarity is a subject upon which -the majority of society men can discourse -fluently, so practised are they in the art. -In fact, society is infected with this disease. -It reigns on all occasions, be they -private or public. It is found in the most -aristocratic circles, as in those of less<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[151]</a></span> -refinement. Why should this continue? -It should not. Both ladies and gentlemen -use it; but of gentlemen, alone, I now -speak. Freedom of speech and freedom -of manner constitute the general heads of -familiarity. (<i>a</i>) Freedom of manner has -been partly defined under the heads of -kissing and embracing. Do not on any -account allow of any rude actions on your -part; always keep a polite distance from a -lady, and do not, if you take her hand, -retain too long a hold thereof, or press -it with your own; in fact, never touch -a lady unless she is related to you, under -the heads set forth in Section 3, Personal -Actions, unless it becomes absolutely -necessary; then do it in the most polite -manner possible. (<i>b</i>) Freedom of speech -is the most important head of familiarity, -and includes many classes of rudeness. -Do not be impertinent in your -remarks to ladies, ask no personal questions,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[152]</a></span> -do away with rude speech; seek -not to impart to her that which she should -not know, or tries to turn a deaf ear to. -Improper remarks are poison from the -tongue, and tend to ruin your reputation -in her estimation, as a gentleman, sooner -or later. It is no excuse if she tolerates -your advances or not,—a gentleman is a -gentleman, and should remain so. Not -only is this rule applicable to acquaintances, -but it should be strictly observed -in your own family. Your sisters should -be as acquaintances as respects your -behavior, and your mother and father -should command respect in your every -word or action.</p> - -<p class="sec">5. A gentleman, because he is married, -should not suppose himself fitted for the -position of chaperon on occasions where -it is necessary to leave the city, or it is an -evening affair; on the contrary, it is his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[153]</a></span> -duty to refuse acceptance of such a position, -unless himself and wife act as the -chaperons. If single, he should never -offer his services as chaperon. He may -be such in the daytime, within the city, -acting as a guide or protector of his companion; -but this is a very weak form of -chaperonage compared to that customary -in society, which form generally concerns -only evening or out-of-town events, -when a stricter rule is applied, under the -conditions of which a gentleman can never -be a chaperon. It must be remembered -that though guide and protector are -the true meanings of the word chaperon, -yet, as far as a gentleman can exercise -that right, he can be no more than an -escort.</p> - -<p class="sec">6. A gentleman should shake hands as -seldom as possible. On introduction and -at parting should be the chief occasions<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[154]</a></span> -for the act. This rule refers only to your -own sex. With ladies it is far stricter. -You should not shake hands on introduction -to ladies, nor at parting; but at -the next meeting, or subsequent ones, if -they appear desirous of such a cordial -greeting, grasp their hand, for it is at the -option of a lady whether or not the hands -should come in contact with each other; -but never shake at parting. When taking -a lady’s hand, grasp it firmly, but gently, -just sufficient pressure to convey the feeling -of cordiality, nothing more, and raising -her hand to the height of her waist, -shake it gently two or three times, then -release it; never hold it while speaking, -and do not attempt that awkward, lately -originated style of raising the hands -above the face, with the fingers twisted -out of shape; it is clumsy, decidedly -ridiculous in appearance, and very uncomfortable -for the lady.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[155]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec">7. Never kiss a lady’s hand when in -public, and never privately, unless engaged -or very much attached to her, and -not then unless she is willing to undergo -the torture.</p> - -<p>Do not, as in hand-kissing, throw -kisses to a person in public, and not at all -unless under the conditions stated above.</p> - -<p class="sec">8. When engaged a gentleman should -devote all his spare moments to his -<i lang="fr">fiancée</i>. He should compel himself to forsake -other ladies’ society, allowing himself -to be thrown therein only when accompanying -his intended to entertainments -or dances, and then should control himself, -so as to give no cause of jealousy by -his actions or apparent interest in others -of the fair sex. He should give all presents -to her, take her to all the entertainments -and dances, and, in fact, let her find -him always devotion in everything. Clubs<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[156]</a></span> -should be partially or wholly neglected -for her. Even under the circumstances, -familiarity should be guardedly exercised, -especially with her family.</p> - -<p class="sec">9. Introductions are the most important -of any of the numerous acts of society, -constituting a custom established by long -and frequent usage. It is easy to introduce, -no matter how or in what manner -it is done, and ninety-nine per cent. of -introductions are either improperly conducted -or a mere mention of names. To -constitute a proper introduction there -must be three requisites, viz.: Sufficient -language to imply an introduction, an -objective name and a subjective name -each distinctly pronounced. That is to -say: the object is the person to whom the -subject is presented; second, the subject -of the introduction is the one whom you -present. You must pronounce both<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[157]</a></span> -names distinctly. First, be sure that -both are aware of your intention and -secure of each other’s attention, then -proceed by saying: <i>(Ex.)</i> “Miss Smith -[object], please allow me to present Mr. -Brown [subject].” This is all, and it is as -simple as can be; yet people will mumble -and stammer and stumble through -an introduction as if it were the most -difficult of performances. If the object or -subject of an introduction is a sister, -brother, or parent, do not say, as many -do—Miss Smith, my brother, or my sister, -naming the relation only; but say -always—Miss Smith, my brother, Mr. -Brown. This rule is in view of the -fact that the introducer’s name is not -always familiar to the object. Never -mention the name of the subject first. -When introducing extend the right or -left hand as a gesture towards the person -whom you are introducing.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[158]</a></span></p> - -<p>It is important to make introductions -carefully and at the proper time. Do -not suffer a person with whom you are -acquainted to remain in your own party -without introducing him to every member -of that party. When talking to a person, -and joined by a third, immediately introduce. -The rules of introduction should -be strictly observed in regard to ladies. -As much as possible avoid introducing on -the street, and when doing so do not stop -the objective persons, but join them as -explained in Section 4, Actions Outdoors, -whether lady or gentleman, and present -the subject while walking. Do not introduce -to young ladies under age without -the chaperon’s or guardian’s consent, and -ladies of age without their approval having -first been received. Do not present -or attempt to present a man of whose -character or reputation you are doubtful; -for thousands of serious results have been -thus occasioned.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[159]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header19.jpg" width="500" height="80" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="PROPOSING">PROPOSING</h3> - -<p>A gentleman, when he is sure that his -attachment to a lady has attained perfection, -and is positive of being ever afterward -so attached to her as to permit of -no disturbance of that affection by force -of circumstances, may then and only then -have the right of asking for her hand in -marriage. It is a much-mooted question -whether a gentleman should ask the -parents’ or guardian’s consent to the proposal, -if the young lady or himself or both -are under age. If we follow the continental -rule, this is the proper action in the -matter. This course is certainly more<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[160]</a></span> -honorable. It matters not which parent -is first consulted, though the father is -preferred. The parent, or parents, or -guardian may be consulted in person or -by letter. After their consent has been -gained, the proposal is made to the -woman chosen. If she refuses, then -nothing more on the subject need be said -till subsequent proposals are attempted. -A refusal need not be reported to the -parents or guardians. If she accepts, he -immediately informs them. If both parties -are of age, or independent, it is not -essential to a proposal that parents or -guardians should be consulted.</p> - -<h4>HOW TO PROPOSE</h4> - -<p>Remember that you are a gentleman, -and success will be yours if the lady possesses -any love or affection in her heart -for you. It is best not to force your suit<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[161]</a></span> -upon a woman, for such engagements -often cause either a breaking of the engagement -between the parties, or unhappiness -to both. It is far better to undergo -the pain of a refusal for the time being, -and endeavor to gain her affection afterward -in view of another and more successful -trial.</p> - -<p>Never propose in any way but in person. -Letters are very poor mediums of the -affection; besides, a woman prefers personal -tenders of affection. When you -propose, never do so unless alone with -the lady, either in-doors or out, but -not in public, when promenading, driving, -or riding, or on any occasion where -she cannot give you her undivided attention.</p> - -<p>A proposal is, next to a marriage, the -most important event in a man’s life, and, -if looked favorably upon by the woman, -is such also in her life. Therefore take<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[162]</a></span> -plenty of time to think over the seriousness -of the step; consider how much -interest the lady has previously shown -in you, and the result to your feelings if -refused.</p> - -<p>If a lady appears uncertain in her -answer, you can depend upon it that she is -weighing in golden scales the results, the -strength of her own affection; and, above -all, you may justly and correctly construe -that the greater cause of her hesitation -is uncertainty of your regard for her, -whether true of the heart, or falsely stated. -For no woman cares to have a man know -that she entertains affection for him unless -she is confident he will appreciate it. -Thus if it be not a positive refusal, but -hesitation only, always be determined, -and decide for her by describing the -happiness that only you could furnish -her. These arguments, if anything would -avail, will help to strengthen and control -her decision.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[163]</a></span></p> - -<p>Always plead your cause with eyes and -speech only. When accepted it is left to -the option of the suitor as to what mode -of procedure will best express his delight -and happiness. But perhaps for those of -timid and bashful nature it is advisable to -suggest a standard course of action, viz.: -when the lady replies affirmatively, immediately -clasp her in your arms; this -is not, for true lovers, a very embarrassing -position. Let the embrace be -gentle, simply to signify and give strength -and proof of your affectionate expressions -prior to the acceptance.</p> - -<p>Always stand when proposing, as it -lends dignity to the occasion and allows of -more freedom in expressing the feelings; -besides, it savors of very little earnestness -to remain in any other attitude while -making so important a confession.</p> - -<p>Before proposing it would be best to -ascertain how the lady regards you in any -particular light. If she speaks favorably<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[164]</a></span> -of any one of your fascinations, then on -that foundation you may attempt to build -your future happiness. Do not propose -in an uncertain manner, bashfully, or yet -too boldly. Be serious, desirous, and -speak to the point; confess all your -feelings, state everything correctly and -truly, and in as telling language as you -can possibly command. Do not laugh or -smile, or cause it to appear an amusing -matter. It would be utterly impossible -to illustrate the language of proposals, -for many and varied are the methods -employed and the language used. But -if a gentleman adheres to all I have stated -on the subject, it will only be fate which -will prevent the fulfilment of his anticipations. -A gentleman never makes free -with the lady, at the time of the acceptance, -beyond the conditions stated -herein. And from the moment she -accepts him, through all her life he must -be constant in his attention to her.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[165]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header20.jpg" width="500" height="110" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="PRESENTS">PRESENTS</h3> - -<p>Under the general head of presents -is classed anything given to another at -one’s own expense. Give presents to your -own family, relatives, <i lang="fr">fiancée</i>, or very old -friends, but not to mere acquaintances.</p> - -<p class="sec"><span class="smcap">Section 1.</span> Flowers, though short-lived, -are nevertheless the most beautiful gift one -person can make to another. It shows -taste and a love of nature, and nothing -finds more appreciation in the hearts of -womankind than flowers. Be careful in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[166]</a></span> -your selection; suit the color and quality -to the taste and dress of the lady. Have -them tastily laid in a box, loosely, if -merely as a favor; but if for a dance or -entertainment, the best way is to gather -the flowers loosely half-way down the -stems, and tie with ribbon harmonizing in -color, placing at the end of the bouquet a -bunch of leaves to hide the stems. Always -send the flowers in a box; do not -carry them to the lady yourself—if in a -hurry, call a messenger. Flowers may be -sent to any lady, married or maiden, -but never send them as a wedding present. -When desirous of sending flowers -to a lady with whom you are about to -attend an affair, first ascertain whether -she desires to wear flowers, and the color -of the gown she intends wearing. It is -hardly the fashion nowadays to carry -hand-bouquets; only loose flowers to be -worn on the dress should be sent.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[167]</a></span></p> - -<p class="sec">2. Jewelry should be given as seldom -as possible outside of your own family, -dear relatives, or <i lang="fr">fiancée</i>. If given to others, -it should be very small, cost little, and not -be too elaborate; having merely enough -beauty about it to convey the feeling and -intention of the gift. A costly present -of this class is seldom appreciated as it -should be, unless it is given to a lady -who stands, or intends to stand, in a very -dear position towards you, or to a gentleman -friend of long standing and sincere -friendship. The only exception allowable -for costly gifts of jewelry outside of those -rules already stated is in cases of marriage; -where the act of presentation -of jewels would furnish no ground -of suspicion further than extravagance. -Whether for a wedding or an ordinary gift, -jewelry should always be sent in a box -from the store direct, or by messenger; -never present it in person. And when<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[168]</a></span> -calling subsequently refuse the acceptation -of thanks.</p> - -<p class="sec">3. For bon-bons and elaborate boxes, -also for articles not classed as jewelry, a -much more lenient rule is applied. In fact, -except for mere acquaintances, a present -of this kind may be given to any one, -friend or relative, married or unmarried. -These, too, are not to be delivered in person, -but sent with card from store or by -messenger. In such presents, as in others, -taste and fine judgment should be exercised. -To a gift of any kind whatsoever -an answer should not be expected for -three days.</p> - -<p class="sec">4. Photographs should never be solicited -from a mere acquaintance. Wait -till you know a lady well before asking -for her likeness. No gentleman should -be allowed to possess, nor should he -seek to possess, a lady’s picture without<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[169]</a></span> -first having met her at least seven times. -He must first so establish his friendship -with her that when he asks for her likeness -she cannot justly use the common -expression that “he must have her photograph -for fear he might forget her face,” -but would understand that his desire for -it comes straight from the heart, and not -with the intention of adding to a variety -collection. And it is also unnecessary to -comply with a like request from the lady -till of fast acquaintance. An exchange of -photographs is generally the safest way -of overcoming any doubt which may -arise in your mind as to the disposition -which the lady will make of your picture, -for then the maxim can be applied—“It’s -a poor rule which can’t work both -ways.”</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer4.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[170]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header21.jpg" width="500" height="100" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="GENERAL_POLITENESS">GENERAL POLITENESS</h3> - -<p class="sec"><span class="smcap">Section 1.</span> A gentleman should always -be perfectly polite with his social inferiors, -no matter how he may be brought in contact -with them, whether he meets them -in company with his equals or inferiors, -or if alone. For though your inferiors, -they deserve respect, and a deviation -from politeness on their account would -cause your politeness towards equals to -appear false, a shield to your true manner. -Always be polite to your inferiors, and it -naturally follows that you will be politeness -itself with your equals. A gentleman -has no superiors.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[171]</a></span></p> - -<p>Politeness is called for in every turn -a gentleman may make, whether among -ladies or gentlemen, or inferiors, in society -or in business, among relatives, acquaintances, -friends, or strangers.</p> - -<p class="sec">2. An insult is not to be recognized -when offered by an inferior; pay no attention -to such, unless it is followed by -violence, or when it places you in an awkward -position in presence of equals, and -even then, if from one decidedly inferior, -or a woman, do not return it, but summon -the agents of the law to rid you of the -nuisance. If an equal, it is at your own -option whether or not you resent the -insult, which can be done by the use of -irony; thus, though an implied return of -the insult, your resentment is on its face -politeness itself. Duels are not allowable -in America, and seldom in any country. -A deadly insult is now usually<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[172]</a></span> -looked upon by society as a just cause of -expulsion of the insulter from its ranks, -as no longer worthy of the name of gentleman; -for modern society is more just -than the society in the days of knighthood, -when a gross insult would be -looked upon with favor, as but a preliminary -to a test of skill at arms. All the -remedy a gentleman has in this age is -either an apology from his opponent, or -the future avoidance and non-recognition -of him, or, in extreme cases, a resort to -the law.</p> - -<p class="sec">3. The most indifferent, collected, -firm, and <i lang="fr">blasé</i> of society men are susceptible -to embarrassments. No matter -how sure you may be of being proof -against them, there always comes a time -when the firm foundation is undermined -by a sudden inpour of unforeseen circumstances, -which brings your guarded and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[173]</a></span> -fortified walls of conceit and coolness to -earth, and tends to humble your pride. -Now, many society men hold that a -man should never become embarrassed -under any circumstances. Not so; there -are instances where to remain unmoved -and indifferent to embarrassment would -show an uncultured exercise of politeness. -For example, how could a gentleman, -having spoken to his companion of a third -party in an insulting manner, refrain from -embarrassment when that companion subsequently -turns up and presents the third -person, who thereupon reproaches him for -his prior insinuation and insult? Yet in -ninety-nine cases out of every hundred -the gentle and polite society men remain -unmoved and unembarrassed, making -excuses and stating falsely. Yet they -leave impressions of impoliteness and -rudeness upon the minds of their victims. -Suit the necessity of embarrassment to the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[174]</a></span> -occasion. Only if he has shown marked -impoliteness or rudeness, or both, need a -gentleman show concern subsequent to -his remark or manner.</p> - -<p class="sec">4. Temper is the last subject for discussion -here; but it is not by any -means the least in importance. In fact, -if it were not for a proper control -and exercise of temper, there would -hardly be necessity for elucidating half -the subjects already so defined. The -temper should never be displayed under -circumstances pertaining to society proper. -That is, to your equals a tranquil nature -and manner should always be shown, no -matter how trying the position. To inferiors -temper should not be shown while -in sight or hearing of equals, and even -when alone with servants or agents only -in case of breach of duty, and then should -merely be shown sufficiently far to make<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[175]</a></span> -a reprimand more severe. In fact there -are so many remedies for circumstances -tending to rouse the temper that it should -be done away with as a bad habit. When -you do so far forget your politeness as to -allow the temper to rise, be sure that it is -not directed to a lady.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 75px;"> -<img src="images/footer14.jpg" width="75" height="75" alt="(decorative leaf motif)" /> -</div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[176]</a></span></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/header22.jpg" width="500" height="100" alt="(decorative header image)" /> -</div> - -<h3 id="VISITING">VISITING</h3> - -<p>A gentleman should as seldom as possible -offer a regret for an invitation to -visit, and when doing so must see that -his excuse is a good one. Only business, -traveling, and sickness are sufficiently -strong causes of refusal. To offer a -poor excuse is to cause a suspicion of a -dislike on your part for the inviter, his -or her family or home, or perhaps that -you are too little interested in the whole -affair to bother about visiting the person. -Such poor excuses, though apparently -sufficient in your judgment, not only appear<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[177]</a></span> -weak to the inviters, but cause them -to neglect you in the future in respect -to visiting. Of course, if you are visiting -or about to visit, an excuse to that -effect is sufficient, provided you explain -that the invitation you have accepted -was received and acknowledged prior to -the one which you are regretting. Your -excuse, when a good one, should be -strong, sincere, and regretfully expressed, -and, above all, never hint that you will -be at liberty for a visit later, or at some -future date. There is such a thing as -being too indifferent in a regret to an -invitation, and also such a thing as showing -in a regret too deep an interest or -anxiety to accept. And this latter is bad -enough without being accompanied by -broad hints. If the first invitation was -sincere and the inviter really desired your -company, you may be sure a second -attempt will be made and another invitation<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[178]</a></span> -issued. When accepting an invitation, -it is best to adhere strictly to your -acceptation of the kindness and express -such in sincere terms. Do not be too -effusive, but to the point, for an acceptance -is not a letter and should therefore -be short and formal. If a regret, the rule -may be reversed, as, not intending to visit, -you are justified in substituting a letter, -whereas acceptances are followed by the -visit, and a lengthy epistle would be -unnecessary.</p> - -<p>After having accepted an invitation, be -sure to take with you a sufficient supply -of clothes for variety, and also that you -may be prepared for emergencies or -a prolongation of your visit. It is very -rude and impolite to inquire in your -note of acceptance as to the length of -time of stay. You may depend upon -it that no person having any knowledge -of society would invite you for, at the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[179]</a></span> -most, more than a week, and if longer the -inviter would acquaint you of the fact in -the invitation. But for a week or less the -inviter would neglect to mention any -given time of stay. But it should be -understood that at the close of the second -day the visitor is to remark upon his departure -as fixed for the following day; -then if the host or hostess desire your -presence for a longer period, they will -express themselves to that effect. It is -safer always to take one week’s supply of -linen, in view of such an expression from -them. Of course these rules only apply -to formal invitations between friends of -long standing, but who have been more -or less separated, or friends of late -acknowledgment, or perhaps, in rare -instances, mere acquaintances, and have -nothing whatever to do with fast friendship, -where it would be absolutely impossible -to govern the parties in their manner<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[180]</a></span> -of recognizing and accepting or regretting -invitations, and their actions subsequent -to their arrival at the place of visitation. -Such an invitation is controlled generally -by the mutual acquiescence and approval -of the parties, and is too informal to -be considered under the head of formal -customs.</p> - -<p>Therefore to adhere strictly to the -essential rules for a formal visitor:</p> - -<p>A gentleman should make it a rule -to be punctual to the time set for his arrival, -be it morning, afternoon, or evening. -When expected in the morning for breakfast, -and the place of visit is out of town, if -he arrives at his destination earlier than to -his knowledge the family are accustomed -to rise, then he should occupy himself in -some way till it is time to put in an appearance, -that he may be received by the -host or hostess at a reasonable hour. -The first duty of a visitor is to be punctual<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[181]</a></span> -to breakfast every morning during -his stay; and more too, he should never -fail to precede the host or hostess or -both (only these), that he may be thus -prepared to receive them with the usual -morning salutation. As to dinner, lunch, -or supper, punctuality is not considered, -as, being in company with his entertainer, -it would be hardly possible for him to be -dilatory.</p> - -<p>A gentleman should never wear a dressing -gown or slippers outside of his room, -when visiting or otherwise. He should -never enter the dining-room till the host -or hostess, or both, have preceded him. -Table manners are the same in visiting as -at dinners at home and the like.</p> - -<p>After any meal be careful not to appear -uneasy or dissatisfied with the proceedings -of your entertainer; and do not, no -matter how great a desire you may have, -express opinions upon any arrangements,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[182]</a></span> -or suggest any occupation for the consumption -of time, without first being asked for -your advice or opinion; for very often the -host or hostess is led into doing that -which but for your request, and the fact of -your being a visitor, they would never have -thought of or desired to do; so be careful -always to control your desire to make -suggestions. Let your conversation, manners, -and actions be ruled substantially as -in calling. Never remain astir after the -host or hostess, or both, have retired, but -ascend to your own room coincidently -with them and retire immediately. During -a visit a gentleman should acquiesce -in everything requested of him by host or -hostess, unless his opinion is called for, -when he should, in deciding between his -entertainers and others, speak freely but -impartially; but if possible always decline -the honor of judge.</p> - -<p>Do not appear at ease or at home beyond<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[183]</a></span> -the unembarrassed exercise of a visitor’s -duties, for such freedom may tend to -cause dislike for you as presuming on -your liberties.</p> - -<p>A gentleman should not visit unless he -be prepared, in case of emergencies, for a -request from the hostess, if the host is -absent, or from both if the host is himself -incapable, to act the part of table-host; -and to do this he must be thoroughly -versed in the art of carving and serving the -viands, and in other ways demeaning -himself as is essential to hosts.</p> - -<p>In fact, in going on a visit a gentleman -should be proficient in its many requirements. -Such rules as are here laid down -will be sufficient, and will not fail in leading -him safely through the minor branches -of politeness.</p> - -<p class="titlepage smaller">FINIS.</p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Simplex Munditiis, Gentlemen, by -Mortimer Delano de Lannoy and Reginald Harvey Arnold - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS, GENTLEMEN *** - -***** This file should be named 56287-h.htm or 56287-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/6/2/8/56287/ - -Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive) - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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