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diff --git a/old/56287-0.txt b/old/56287-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index edb56d6..0000000 --- a/old/56287-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,3221 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Simplex Munditiis, Gentlemen, by -Mortimer Delano de Lannoy and Reginald Harvey Arnold - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Simplex Munditiis, Gentlemen - -Author: Mortimer Delano de Lannoy - Reginald Harvey Arnold - -Release Date: January 2, 2018 [EBook #56287] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS, GENTLEMEN *** - - - - -Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive) - - - - - - - - - - -SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS - - - - - SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS - - GENTLEMEN - - [Illustration] - - NEW-YORK - THE DE VINNE PRESS - MDCCCXCI - - Copyright, 1891, by the - SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS PUBLISHING CO. - - - - - TO - ALL WHO ADMIRE - PERFECT DRESS AND CORRECT SOCIAL HABITS - - This Book is Dedicated - - IN THE HOPE THAT - THE PRINCIPLES IT TEACHES MAY PROMOTE - STRICT OBSERVANCE OF THE - USAGES OF SOCIETY. - - - - -PART I - -DRESS FOR GENTLEMEN - - - - -CONTENTS - - - PAGE - - INTRODUCTION 11 - - MORNING WEAR 15 - - AFTERNOON DRESS 21 - - EVENING DRESS 27 - - THE OVERCOAT 33 - - ATTIRE FOR RIDING, DRIVING, TRAVELING, - YACHTING, AND LOUNGING 38 - - HOUSE WEAR 48 - - SLEEPING ATTIRE 50 - - LINEN 51 - - UNDERCLOTHING 55 - - THE ART OF DRESSING THE COLLAR 57 - - WALKING STICK AND UMBRELLA 63 - - MISCELLANIES 65 - - DRESS FOR WEDDINGS—FUNERALS—CHRISTENINGS—AT - HOME OR CHURCH—NEW YEAR’S - CALLS—MOURNING—CHURCH - WEAR—SUSPENDERS—UPPERS—ATTIRE - MADE TO ORDER—BLONDES AND - BRUNETTES—JEWELRY—DRESSING CASE—ARTICLES - FOR SAME—RUBBERS—ENGLISH RAIN - ATTIRE—CLOTH BANDS ON TOP-HATS—WIGS—OPERA - GLASS—DECORATIONS—FANS—TROUSERS - CREASE—POCKETS—MONOCLE—DRESS - SHIELDS—ENGLISH HUNT ATTIRE—HUNT - BALL—CLOSING REMARKS. - - - - -_INTRODUCTION_ - - -_Dress is the embodiment of taste and refinement. A man looks, and is, -distinguished, when he shows simple elegance in his dress. It is not -necessary to have wealth in order to dress well. With judgment and -economy, one can be something of a dresser. This book is but a guide for -men who desire to dress, and are perplexed by the multitude of things -there are to wear, and the ever-changing styles._ - -_When a thing becomes vulgarly popular, then, if you wish to be in dress, -as well as manners, a gentleman, cast it aside, and seek something newer -and less common._ - -_Dressing may be carried to any extent, but it is not good taste to do -so._ - -_A gentleman is conspicuous for one thing only—his good taste. Above all -dress are manners and grace. Without these, one can never be a gentleman._ - -_In the other part of this work, manners and customs may be studied._ - -_A gentleman is a man of taste, culture, and refinement._ - -_No man is a gentleman who merely does the acts of a gentleman. He must -show good breeding—in dress, manners, and conversation._ - -_His dress is the perfection of raiment. His manner is grace and ease -personified. His conversation, knowledge itself._ - -_Proud, indeed, may the man be who can write after his name—gentleman._ - -_Let “Simplex Munditiis” be your motto for dress._ - -_Each person must remember one thing: that, to be distingué in dress, he -must dress, as regards material, richly; and, as to pattern of cloth, -plainly. In other words, simple elegance shows the gentleman._ - -_Everything you wear must be immaculate._ - -_There are three dress divisions of the day:_ - -_Morning wear._ - -_Afternoon dress._ - -_Evening dress._ - -_The first may be worn any time of the day before_ 6 P. M., _though it -belongs to the morning_. - -_The second is not worn before_ 2 P. M. - -_The third is not worn before_ 6 P. M. - -_The attire for all athletic games, sports, amusements, for the clergy, -and gentlemen in the army and navy, it is not within the province of -this work to treat of. In fact, we treat of only that which is worn by -a gentleman at home or abroad, in summer or winter, when mingling in -society._ - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -MORNING WEAR - -WORN ANY TIME OF DAY - - -Indoors or outdoors, morning wear consists of the following, as the -tastes of the wearer may dictate. - -_The Head._—The black felt derby is the proper hat for morning. The light -brown in derbys is a pleasing change for spring, summer, or fall wear. -But never be without a black derby, as it is the hat worn when not in -formal dress. - -A derby is never worn with a frock body-coat, a cutaway body-coat, a -Cowes body-coat, on a dress body-coat. It belongs entirely to the -walking or sack body-coat. - -Have your hats made to order. You will be better pleased in the end. - -The derby is proper and becoming to men of all ages. I would caution any -one against wearing such derbys as are of a pearl, gray, drab, slate, and -cigar browns. These are all in bad taste. The slouch felt hat is ignored -by gentlemen. If a man desires light shades of derbys, then let him have -them the same shade as the suit he wears them with. - -_The Hand._—Gloves for morning wear should be a dark tan, and made of kid. - -Heavy weight for the winter months, and very light for summer. - -Raw seams and arrow-back stitching is the style. Generally one button -only on wrist. - -The leading furnishing shops are recommended for gloves. - -If possible, have your gloves made to order; you are then sure of a -perfect fit. - -Never wear a glove after it becomes soiled. It is just as bad as having -dirty hands. - -_The Foot._—Calf-skin, patent leather, and enamel leather, are used for -walking shoes. They should be made with moderately thick soles, taper at -the toes, and lace. - -It is best to have shoes made to order. Nothing about a man’s dress is so -quickly noticed as ill-fitting shoes. - -_The Body._—The body-coat: This is a black sack body-coat, either double -or single breasted. Both styles are correct. The materials used are -thibets, cheviots, and black serges. At present they are made with four -buttons, very wide collars, and very long in the body. - -The waistcoat: This always matches the body-coat in material and pattern. -Likewise, it may be double or single breasted. It is not necessary, in -this respect, for it to match the body-coat. - -Trousers: These may be of any material and pattern. They may match -the material of the body-coat, or not, as the taste of the wearer may -dictate. It is better taste to wear dark trousers with morning wear. See -that your trousers have the proper cut, and fit perfectly. This is at -once the most difficult to fit, and the ugliest part—if ill-fitting—of -the attire for men. Therefore, give it the most attention. In order -to have them cut correctly you must rely on the fashion-plate and its -accompanying directions. Insist on your directions being followed by the -tailor. - -There is also the cutaway suit for morning wear. This is worn mostly by -elderly and heavily built men. It consists of a cutaway body-coat four -buttons, waistcoat single-breasted, and trousers. These three pieces are -always of the same material and pattern. The same things are worn with -this as with the sack body-coat. - - * * * * * - -Heavy cloths for winter and light weights for summer wear. - -The sack body-coat becomes all men, tall or short, thin or stout, old or -young. - -Fancy serge waistcoats, also fine linen waistcoats, and sashes in summer, -may be worn with the sack body-coat. - -Never wear trousers and waistcoat of one pattern, and body-coat another; -it is exceeding bad taste. - -Suits, perfectly correct and very elegant, are made of selected -materials. - -The sack body-coat, waistcoat, and trousers are always, in this case, -from the same piece of goods. Some beautiful materials of light shades -are made for summer wear. For winter wear darker and slightly heavier -materials are used. - - * * * * * - -_A Morning Promenade Dress._—This consists of frock body-coat, waistcoat, -and trousers. These three pieces are always cut from the same material -and pattern. The body-coat and waistcoat may be single or double-breasted. - -Only light shades or patterns of cloths are used. Never have this -promenade dress in black. The correct head covering is the black silk -top-hat with this promenade dress. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -AFTERNOON DRESS - -WORN AFTER TWO P. M. - - -_The Head._—A black silk top-hat. Always of the latest pattern, either -Paris, London, or New-York make. All are equally stylish. This hat, above -all others, should be made to order; this being necessary if you desire a -fit both becoming and comfortable. - -In this city spring and summer have light weights. For fall and winter a -slightly heavier hat is made. This is the only proper hat for afternoon -dress in summer or winter. - -_The Hand._—Light or dark tan kid walking gloves are worn. The back -stitching may be black silk or same shade as the glove. One or two -buttons. - -Undressed kid gloves, either light or dark shades, are also worn -especially for afternoon receptions. - -_The Foot._—The leathers used are patent, and enamel. Laced Bluchers are -worn at this time of day. For summer wear, the same, or the same leathers -made in ties. Again, I caution you to pay particular attention to the -fit, and have them made to order. You exercise your own taste as to the -style the shoe is made in. - -_The Body._—The proper body-coat is the black cutaway. This is now -made with three buttons, and wide collar cut low, single-breasted. The -material used is diagonal. This body-coat should be of light weight, as -it is a dress body-coat. French Thibets are also used. - -_The Waistcoat._—This is made of the same material as the body-coat. It -may be double or single breasted. The waistcoat should be cut low in -front, that the large puff scarf may be well exposed. Four buttons. - -Waistcoats may be of selected materials such as fancy serges and fine -linens. In summer white or black silk sashes are worn. - -_The Trousers._—These should be carefully selected and well-fitted. The -material and pattern should go well with black, as this is always the -color of the afternoon body-coat. - -Any pattern, checks, stripes, etc., may be worn for afternoon dress. -Never wear loud patterns; they are exceedingly bad taste and rowdyish. - -Never wear trousers of the same material as the body-coat or waistcoat, -as it is not afternoon dress. - -Very light patterns may be worn in summer. In winter slightly darker -patterns are worn. - -If pockets are placed in trousers they are apt to be used; this spoils -the set of the cloth around the hips. Therefore leave them out if -possible. - -As a rule, the bottoms of trousers should be turned up—about two -inches—while walking in the street. Of course, on a clear day this is -unnecessary. - -_Frock Body-coat._—This is the formal afternoon dress body-coat. In Paris -the men wear no other. - -It is never worn before 4.30 P. M. - -It is worn at day weddings, at teas, receptions, and on the promenade. - -The material used is the same as in a cutaway body-coat. Always black -goods. - -The same things are worn with a frock body-coat as with a cutaway -body-coat. - -It is made single or double breasted. - -The wardrobe of a gentleman is never complete without one or more frock -body-coats. - -The frock body-coat is always worn buttoned. It is worn in summer, but -always with a waistcoat. - - * * * * * - -The cutaway body-coat is worn buttoned in winter, and may sometimes be -worn with rolled back collar in summer. - -There is also a double-breasted cutaway body-coat, three buttons, always -black. This is worn more for promenading than anything else. - -This can be worn in winter—on mild days—without a top-coat or greatcoat. -The waistcoat matches it and the trousers are selected. - -Sometimes, for promenading in the spring, a frock body-coat with -waistcoat and trousers of the same piece of goods is worn. In this case -the material is some smooth, light-colored pattern. - -Again, only a black silk top-hat can be worn with this frock suit. - -This suit is worn without a greatcoat or light overcoat. - -Afternoon dress is worn at day weddings, afternoon receptions, teas, -matinées, exhibitions of all kinds where ladies are present, and when -promenading with ladies. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -EVENING DRESS - -WORN AFTER SIX P. M. - - -This is the culmination of grandeur in the dress of gentlemen. Bulwer’s -novel “Henry Pelham” is responsible for the almost complete blackness of -the attire for this otherwise gayest time of day. - -_The Head._—The black silk top-hat is supreme and only here, as in -afternoon dress. Same style as that worn for afternoon dress. The crush -opera-hat is entirely out of style in this city. When indoors, the -top-hat should be carried in the left hand. The exceptions to this rule -are dances, evening receptions, and dinners. - -_The Hand._—The white kid glove goes with evening dress, and must always -be worn with it, except at or during a dinner. - -The back stitching may be self or black. - -Pearl or gray shades are sometimes worn. No other covering should be worn -on the hand after 6 P. M. - -If one travels through the streets and on the cars, the best glove to -wear—and perfectly proper—is the black kid glove, with black stitching, -worn only while _en route_. - -Never wear tan-colored or any light shades of gloves with evening dress, -indoors or out-of-doors. It is bad taste, and looks, as it is, shoddy. -You may wear white evening gloves at any time or place after 6 P. M., and -you are not complete in your dress unless you so do. - -_The Foot._—Dancing pumps are little worn in this city, in fact they are -_passé_. The climate is such, a man could never be out of his carriage, -if he wore pumps, without risk of a catarrh. - -The proper shoe is made of patent leather, button, kid uppers, and no -tips. This is the shoe for evening dress. - -Have them made to order, as that is the only way to secure a perfect fit. - -_The Body._—The evening dress body-coat is always of a black material. - -A radical change has taken place in the material used. Dress for evening -wear, especially among young men, no longer consists of the heavy, stiff -broadcloths and doeskins, but is now made of fine diagonals, of an almost -silky texture. - -This is the body-coat above all others. Much care should be given the -fitting and style. They are made now with shawl collar, and silk lined. -Never wear any kind of binding on the body-coat. Do not wear buttons and -buttonholes on the sleeve of body-coat. The styles, changing each year, -should be followed minutely. - -In evening dress one must appear a gentleman, if it is in him at all. - -_The Waistcoat._—Materials used, same as body-coat, or white silks and -black silks. Patterns selected as taste directs. Of course the waistcoat -is confined strictly to black or white. - -It may be three or four buttons; double or single breasted. It may be low -or high. Never wear linen waistcoats for evening dress. - -_The Trousers._—Black, and always the same material as the body-coat. As -much care is given to the set and fit, as to that of the body-coat. Leave -out pockets. Wide, black, silk-braided braid is worn on the outside of -trouser-legs. Width of legs, medium. - -_The Cowes or Tuxedo Body-coat._—This is for informal evening and home -wear. It is made of the same material as the dress body-coat. Shawl -collar. The same things are worn with it as with the dress body-coat. It -is worn at home, to informal dinners, the club, and the theater. - -For Sunday evenings this is worn in place of the dress body-coat, with -dress waistcoat, dress trousers, and black satin cravat. Again, only the -top-hat is worn with the Tuxedo body-coat. - -_Knee-Breeches._—These may be worn in place of dress trousers at any -grand ball, reception, or soirée. They are black silk or black satin, or -same material as dress body-coat. - -In Paris and London they are much worn. Patent leather pumps and black -silk stockings are worn. This is the only change in evening dress, when -knee-breeches are worn. - -Of course, in this attire you must always drive in a closed carriage. - -Flowered or figured colored waistcoats, double or single breasted, may -be worn; white or black preferred. The dress body-coats may also be in -colors as well as black. An elegant attire, such as this, is to be worn -for grand formal evening dress. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -THE OVERCOAT - - -_Greatcoat._—This is a heavy greatcoat, with or without a cape, as -fashion or taste may decide. Double or single breasted, long or short. It -is worn during the day only, either over morning wear or afternoon dress. - -It is most fashionable and elegant when made of some black or dark blue -material. - -The very latest in this greatcoat is made thus: very long—five inches -below knee—no fit, without seam in middle of back—broad shawl collar of -black velvet, single-breasted, dark blue box-cloth. It is shoulder-lined -with black silk. For afternoon dress wear only. - -One may follow his own taste in selecting a material for this day -greatcoat. - -This is made to wear during the coldest weather. It should be removed -immediately on going indoors. - -_Light Overcoat._—For fall and spring wear. This is box cut, made of a -light weight material. - -The overcoat for cool days and evening wear, as over evening dress in -summer, is of some selected black material. The day overcoat or afternoon -walking-coat is of some light pattern, selected according to taste of -wearer. These overcoats are now cut very short. - -These overcoats are worn over morning wear or afternoon dress, -particularly the light shades over the latter. - -_Driving Overcoat._—This is a box-coat cut long or short. Double or -single-breasted. The color should be light, as it will not show dust. - -Heavy material is used for winter and light for summer driving. - -_The Riding Top-coat._—This is a short English box-coat. The material is -soft and of medium weight. The color may be light or dark. - -_The Raglan._—“Lord Chumly,” Inverness, or sleeveless, greatcoat for -evening wear. - -This is the only greatcoat to wear over evening dress. - -It is always black, and with a large, full-length cape. - -There are no sleeves, the cape covering the arms completely. - -This is the perfect greatcoat to wear over evening dress, as removing and -placing on can be accomplished without disturbing in any way the dress. - -This greatcoat makes up for the ugliness of the day overcoats in the -graceful appearance it gives the wearer. - -It is worn at night only, in the carriage, or on the street. It is -removed on going indoors. - -Ulsters, fur greatcoats, and greatcoats with fur collars and cuffs, may -be worn for very cold weather. They are for day wear only. - -_The Mackintosh._—This is made in any pattern; the inner lining being -rubber. With or without cape. Double or single breasted. Light weights -for summer and heavy for winter wear. - -It is worn by day only. It may be worn with morning wear or afternoon -dress. In the latter a top-hat should never be worn with a mackintosh. -Only a derby is worn. - -In all cloudy, damp, or wet weather the mackintosh appears. - -It is not necessary to carry an umbrella. - -The mackintosh should be worn very long, and rather loose in fit. - - * * * * * - -You may follow the fashion-plate as regards the style your greatcoat or -overcoat is to be made in. - -You will discuss with your cutter the correct thing in seams, linings, -buttons, and pockets. These things are constantly changing, and therefore -have no fixed rule. - -Covered buttons are worn only on light walking overcoats and evening -greatcoats. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -ATTIRE FOR RIDING, DRIVING, TRAVELING, YACHTING, AND LOUNGING - - -RIDING - -_The Head._—Black derby for winter. Brown derby for summer. - -A cord is attached to the hat, which may be loosened and made fast to a -body-coat button. - -Same style of derby as that used for morning wear. The silk hat may be -worn for formal riding when without the top-coat. - -_The Hand._—Dark tan gloves or gauntlets, same as morning wear. - -_The Foot._—Riding boots or shoes are worn, according to taste of wearer. - -The leathers used are patent or enamel. - -Spurs of nickel or silver plate are worn. - -The crop is always carried. This is silver mounted, and any selected wood. - -_The Body._—A four-button, single-breasted cutaway of any selected -material and pattern—not black—is the proper body-coat. Very short -skirts. Waistcoat same, or selected material. High cut; single-breasted. - -_Trousers._—They may be long, with straps. - -They may be short—just below knee—buttoned at side and baggy above knee. -Riding boots or leggings are worn with the knee-breeches, while with the -trousers laced shoes are worn. The leggings are made to button, strap, or -hook. The most stylish leggings are of the same material as the breeches. - -Trousers or breeches should be of some light pattern; material should be -strong. They are lined on the seat and inner side of legs with chamois -skin. - -For evening rides, as in academies, the black silk top-hat, white suéde -gloves, single-breasted, black, cutaway body-coat, and strap trousers of -the same material. Spurs and crop may be worn. - -For elderly men the black body-coat and strap trousers may be worn during -the day. - - -DRIVING - -Morning wear is worn for morning drives. - -Afternoon drives, if formal, afternoon dress is worn. - -The same rule holds good when you handle the ribbons, as when the -coachman occupies the box. - -The driving overcoat is only worn in the box seat. - - -TRAVELING - -Morning wear is the proper dress for all travel, be it on ocean or land. - -Sack suits, double or single breasted, are exceedingly stylish and -comfortable. Dark colored material is doubtless the best, as it does -not show the dust and wear of travel. Heavy cloths for winter and light -weights for summer travel. - - -YACHTING - -This is worn on board ship any time of year. For visiting on shore, a -day or so, it may be worn, if your temporary home is the yacht. Heavy -material for winter, and light weights for summer. - -_Head._—The proper head apparel is the yachting cap. This may be made in -white or blue flannel, serge, or white canvas. - -The yachting cap is for morning, afternoon, or evening wear, in port or -at sea. - -_The Hand._—For all formal affairs on board ship, white suéde gloves -are worn. In winter or summer, tan kid gloves may be worn with yachting -attire. - -_Foot._—Either a blue or white canvas laced shoe or tie, with rubber -soles, for day wear. - -For summer evening wear, white suéde or canvas ties. For the same in -winter, evening dress-shoes. - -_Body._—For day wear, the double-breasted, sack body-coat. This may be -blue or white flannel, or serges in blue or white. Brass buttons are -generally used. - -_Waistcoat._—This may match the body-coat in material and color, and cut, -or not, as the wearer desires. - -_Trousers._—These always match the body-coat in material and color. - -White canvas suits may be worn, but they are coarse and clumsy. - -White trousers may also be worn with a blue body-coat. - - * * * * * - -For formal occasions, evening wear on a yacht consists of evening dress, -as on land. - -The silk negligé shirt is worn for day wear, if preferred to linen. - -The ties for day wear are four-in-hands and cravats, self-tying. - -These are in silk, either white, black, or blue, flowered, figured, or -solid colors. - -De Joinvilles, also, tied in bow knots, are worn. - - -LOUNGING - -This dress belongs strictly to the summer months; it is never worn in the -city. - -_The Head._—For day wear there is the white split straw, with white or -black silk bands. - -Also, the yachting cap, in white or black. This is made of flannel, or a -material matching the lounging suit. - -These hats are worn for tennis, walking, driving, riding, day receptions, -lawn parties, etc. However, these hats are never to be worn in the city. - -_The Hand._—White suéde gloves are worn with lounging suits, when walking -or driving. - -_The Foot._—White canvas, white suéde, tan or white buckskin, and patent -leather ties, are worn with lounging suits. - -For tennis, and games on the lawn, canvas, or suéde, or buckskin shoes, -or ties, with either felt or rubber soles, are used. - -Have these shoes fit, and look as neat as possible. - -_The Body._—First the material—this may be serge or flannel—though the -latter is out, for the reason that it is more heating than serge—these -are always full white. - -It consists of a long or short sack body-coat, waistcoat, and trousers. -The body-coat may be single or double breasted. - -The waistcoat may match the body-coat in cut and material or not. Fancy -patterns may be used. - -Trousers are always the same material and color as the body-coat. - -Have the cut loose, and almost flowing. - -The trousers may have a stripe at the side. No pockets. - -Lounging suits may also be made up in some selected pattern, as small -checks or narrow black stripes. But there is nothing so rich as the solid -white lounging suit. - -The sash or kummerbund.—The length is from four to five yards. Always tie -your sash—never wear those cheap, common made-ups. - -A sash may be worn any time of day. The material is always silk. Never -wear any but solid colors. Black silks and white silks are the most -elegant and correct. - -Sashes of maroon or dark blue are sometimes worn. The ends hang over the -left hip, and should be evenly tied. The sash is worn with a lounging -suit, morning wear, afternoon dress, and evening dress. - -The white sash is worn with a white lounging suit and evening dress only. - -The negligé shirt is made of silk, or cheviots. However, this is no -longer worn by young gentlemen of fashion. - -A word about this shirt—it is doubtless very comfortable, and can be worn -longer than linen, but it is not as cool as linen, nor does it look as -well about the neck. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -HOUSE WEAR - - -The formal dress is the same as that worn at any other house. - -In the privacy of your rooms, however, you change this attire for -something that is loose and comfortable. - -Sack body-coats of selected materials are used. The trousers are of some -black or blue material, as selected. - -There is also the smoking jacket and the poker jacket—these are in many -varieties of material and pattern. - -Again, we have the short and the long dressing-gowns. There are many -patterns to choose from. - -Before and after the bath, the bath-robe is put on. This differs from -the silk dressing-gown in being made of Turkish toweling. No part of -man’s attire is more brilliant or beautiful than this robe. The comfort -experienced in wearing is only equaled by its delicate and beautiful -colors. - -For the feet we have the slipper; this may be any leather and style your -taste desires. Slippers are also made to match the bath-robe in material -and pattern. - -You must not wear any of these things out of the privacy of your own -apartments. - -For a lunch at home you would wear morning wear; a reception or tea, -afternoon dress; evening affairs, evening dress. - -It is as necessary—in fact, it is due—when acting the part of the host to -look your best as when you are a guest. - -When you dine at home evening dress is always required. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -SLEEPING ATTIRE - - -These are pajamas—consisting of a loose fitting sack coat, and loose -fitting trousers. - -The material and pattern are selected as the wearer desires. - -Light weights for summer, and heavy for winter. Fine linen, silks, and -cheviots are used. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LINEN AND KERCHIEFS - - -This consists of the white linen shirt. It should always be made to -order, if a fit is desired. - -The shirt opens in front only. You may have two or three buttonholes in -the bosom. - -The collar and cuffs are attached. Never wear detachable collars and -cuffs. - -This shirt with the plain bosom is worn for morning wear, afternoon -dress, evening dress, or any other wear during the day. The same style of -shirt is worn winter or summer. - -Very elegant shirts are made for evening dress, consisting of embroidered -bosoms or frills of linen. With each change of wear the linen should also -be changed. - -At least three changes a day are made. - -The style of the collar. This may be very high, or medium, as your taste -directs. - -The cuffs should extend to the first thumb-joint. Cuffs are made with -round or square edges. - -The high, or standing, collar is worn with morning wear, afternoon dress, -evening dress, and all other dress. - -_The Handkerchief._—This is of pure white linen, with white borders. - -Embroidered or not, as taste dictates. - -The same style is carried with morning wear, afternoon dress, or evening -dress, or any other wear. - -The upper left outside pocket is the place to carry it, except in evening -dress, when it is carried in the left or right side upper inside -waistcoat pocket. - -The handkerchief of silk is carried with evening dress only. It is -carried in the right hand while dancing, and worn in the shirt front. - -It may be any pattern desired. White silk is always the body, the border -only being colored. - -_The neckerchief._ This is of silk, selected as to color and pattern. -This is worn around the neck with greatcoat during cold weather. - -It is not a good thing to wear, as far as health goes. - -It is not necessary to the stylish dresser. - -A gold pin may be worn in a neckerchief. - -_Waistcoat Facings._—These are seldom worn now by the dressers. - -The material used is linen or silk, always white. They are cut to match -the waistcoat, opening about the tie. - -Worn in winter only. - -They can be worn with morning wear or afternoon dress. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -UNDERCLOTHING - - -This consists of shirt, drawers, and half-hose. - -The material may be flannel, balbriggan, or silk. - -White is the proper color, because it is pure and clean. - -Such colors as pink, or blue, or black may be worn. - -Have the drawers fit tight, or the trousers will set ill. - -_Half-hose._—These should fit very tight. - -They should match the shirt and drawers in material and color. - -Half-hose should be in solid colors only. - -Morning wear and afternoon dress. White or black is the most elegant; -other shades may be worn, if desired. They should match the underwear. - -For evening dress, white or black only. White half-hose worn with white -underwear only. Black half-hose with white or black underwear only. - -_Half-hose Supporters._—These are made to hold up half-hose. They are of -white silk. Other colors may be worn. - - * * * * * - -Underclothing should be changed at least twice a day. Silk is worn always -with evening dress. Indulge in baths as frequently as possible. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -THE ART OF DRESSING THE COLLAR - - -In ties, cravats, and scarfs we have two colors—these are the principals. -They are black, and white. With these, combined or separate, the most -elegant scarfs are made. They may be figured or flowered, or solid -colors. The materials used are silks, crêpes, satins and lawn. - -The patterns—with black or white as a background—are innumerable. - -Use all the taste you can command in selecting ties. - -Remember that black is your principal body-coat color, and select your -ties accordingly. At the same time you must not have the color or pattern -of the tie at war with that of the waistcoat or trousers. - -Never wear those flaming ties, or shades that remind you of the colored -paper sold in shops. - -But a gentleman need not be cautioned in this, for he has or will acquire -taste. - -Besides black or white it is permissible to wear such shades of maroon, -green, blue, violet, as are of a rich but quiet style. These are only -worn with morning wear. - -_For Morning Wear._—Cravats, four-in-hands, and puff scarfs. All -self-tying. These may be black, white, or any of the before-mentioned -shades. In silks and black satin. Gold pins are worn in the scarfs. It -is the acme of ugliness to wear pins in a four-in-hand, besides being -vulgar. The four-in-hand may be tied in the regulation style or in the -form of a bow. - -Never wear a made-up bow, scarf, or four-in-hand. They look cheap, and -they are vulgarly common. - -Then there is the bow or cravat, tied in the regular bow-knot. - -Black is the richest and most elegant color for morning wear. - -The same styles are worn in summer as in winter. In summer much of the -bosom is allowed to show; while in winter it seldom or never shows, -excepting evening dress. Wherever and whenever morning wear is used, any -of these ties may be worn. - -For riding, driving, traveling, yachting, and lounging, the ties for -morning wear may be worn. - -Very elegant, large cravats—tied in a bow-knot, or as a four-in-hand—are -made from De Joinvilles; either in black satins or black silks, or dark -shades of silk. - -The De Joinville is folded by yourself or your furnisher. It may be sewed -or not. This De Joinville cravat is for morning wear only. Always have -your ties, cravats, and scarfs made to order. This is the only way to -keep them uncommon. - -_Afternoon Dress._—Here is the chance for the greatest amount of display. -Diamond pins, and large, white, puff scarfs tied and pinned in shape by -yourself, are worn with the cutaway body-coat or the frock body-coat. - -In winter the large puff scarf only is worn with afternoon dress. - -In summer, four-in-hands—either in bow or regular tie—as well as the puff -scarfs are worn. With a sash—a bow tied or a four-in-hand tied, its ends -placed in the opening of the bosom, is worn. A scarf may be worn with a -sash when the body-coat is not worn open. - -Waistcoats should be four buttons, and body-coats cut low in collars in -order to show the beauties of the huge puff scarf now worn. - -Silk is the material for the white scarf. - -Satin is only allowable in black and dark shades for scarfs. - -Exquisite silk or crêpe puff scarfs consisting of white background with -figures or flowers of a violet, blue, purple, maroon, etc., as your taste -directs, are worn. - -Remember, simplicity for morning wear—elegance for afternoon dress. - -For house wear the black silk or satin four-in-hand is the neatest tie -worn. - -The Ascot form of tying a scarf is seldom used now. - -_Evening Dress._—Full evening dress requires the white lawn -cravat—self-tying. - -Long and wide is the most elegant. - -Once or twice around may be worn. For wear with Tuxedo or Cowes -body-coat, or the dress body-coat at informal affairs, theater, club, or -home dinners, the black satin cravat—self-tying—is the proper thing. It -may be once or twice around as you like. Never wear this cravat with a -white waistcoat or white sash. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -WALKING STICK AND UMBRELLA - - -The walking stick is worn with morning wear, afternoon dress, but never -with evening dress. - -The styles are ever changing. Sticks are worn in summer and winter. In -selecting sticks do not take the extremes in heavy or light. Never have -any metal but silver—it is the most elegant. - -Among the best dressers and beaus of this city the walking stick is no -longer carried or worn, either with morning wear or afternoon dress. As -went the rapier so goes the walking stick. - -_The Umbrella._—This is worn only in doubtful or wet weather. - -It is worn at any time of day. Silver is the only proper metal. The -material should be silk or part silk. Never wear the case in the street. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -MISCELLANIES - - -_Weddings._—At morning weddings, the bridegroom wears formal afternoon -dress and pearl-gray gloves. The others wear morning dress. - -Afternoon weddings, all wear afternoon dress. - -Evening weddings, all wear evening dress. - -_Funerals._—If in the morning, morning wear. Afternoon, afternoon dress. -Evening, evening dress. Of course, all the attire is black in this case; -the only reason for black being the demand of superstitious custom. - -_Christenings._—According to the time of day it takes place. If morning, -morning wear. Afternoon, afternoon dress. Evening, evening dress. - -_At Home or Church._—The dress is the same when weddings, etc., take -place at home as at church. - -_Calls New Year’s._—It is not proper now to make calls on New Year’s day. -That is the only time that evening dress was ever worn before 6 P. M. It -was worn nearly all day then. - -_For Mourning._—Everything worn that shows, excepting the linen, should -be black, for all times of day. - -_Church Wear._—On Sunday, afternoon dress is worn at morning, afternoon, -or evening service. - -On the other days of the week, morning wear, or afternoon dress, or -evening dress, according to time of service, may be worn. - -_Suspenders._—These may be of silk, or any other suitable material. Silk -should always be worn with evening dress. White is the neatest color that -can be worn. - -Suspenders are worn with every dress, summer or winter, with or without a -sash. Each pair of trousers should have its individual suspenders. Great -care must be used in adjusting the suspenders; if not, the trousers will -set awkwardly. - -_Uppers, or Overgaiters._—This article is becoming somewhat obsolete -here. They are worn in the street only. They may be worn over any shoe or -tie. For traveling or walking only. - -On entering the house they should be removed. If worn, they should always -be made the same as the trousers, in material and pattern. They spoil -the set of the trousers in the legs. They are also clumsy. They are some -protection to the trousers in muddy weather. They may be worn summer or -winter. - -Uppers may be worn with morning wear, afternoon dress, or evening dress. -Black cloth uppers may be worn during the daytime as well as in the -evening. - -_Attire Made to Order._—Have everything you wear made to order, when -possible. - -_Blondes and Brunettes._—Blondes should prefer dark materials. Brunettes, -light materials. - -_Jewelry._—The jewelry for a gentleman: Gold hunting-case watches. Gold -fob-chains and silk fobs. - -A watch may be worn with any dress. Silk fob for morning wear. Gold for -afternoon and evening. - -As many rings as he cares to possess. Rings are not worn with evening -dress; only in the afternoon. In fact, it is not fashionably necessary to -wear rings. - -The buttons used in the shirt bosoms are of gold set with precious -stones. Diamonds are the most elegant. - -Plain gold buttons are worn with morning wear. - -Stonine studs or buttons, in fact all studs, are out of style. - -For the sleeve or cuff: gold buttons are used for all wear. - -Any number of gold pins for the scarfs. These may be plain gold or set -with precious stones; diamonds, of course, being preferable. - -Simple elegance is now the rule in jewelry. - -_Dressing Case._—Always have on hand a large valise or dressing case for -traveling. - -It is requisite if you go out of town for a night only, it being -necessary to carry evening dress. - -_Dressing Case Articles._—Articles for a dressing case are hair-brushes, -combs, whisk-brooms, cloth-brushes, hand-mirrors, manicure set, soaps, -washes and toilet lotions, wash-cloths, brushes and picks for the teeth -and gums, and shaving outfit. - -_Rubbers._—Rubbers or goloshes are worn, if desired; but only while -walking in the street. It is much better to have a heavy pair of -laced-shoes for mud or snow. Of course, when there is ice on the walks, -it is necessary to wear rubbers, if you do any walking. Rubbers, when -walking, may be worn over evening dress shoes. - -_Dress Shields._—These are of silk or satin. White or black. - -It is for evening dress only. Only for winter weather. It is placed over -the linen bosom while _en route_. - -_English Rain Attire._—An English attire for rainy weather consists of an -oiled topper—top-hat oiled with vaseline—and a long-skirted greatcoat, -with a cape. Material and pattern selected. This is worn only during the -day. Umbrella and rubbers are unnecessary. - -_English Hunt Attire._—A heavy top-hat of black silk plush is worn. -Gloves, crop, and spurs. - -A single-breasted, frock body-coat, green or pink, kersey. White -moleskin, loose breeches. Top riding-boots. - -_Hunt Ball._—The only change is in the body-coat. This is a pink -broadcloth evening dress body-coat. A white lawn cravat and white silk -waistcoat are worn with it. - -_Cloth Bands for Top-hats._—Wide black cloth bands are now worn on the -silk top-hat, afternoon or evening. For riding or driving. - -_Wigs._—The wearing of wigs is a custom of the past. Whether it is to be -revived or not the future alone will show. - -It is perfectly proper for a bald man to wear a wig. There is no reason -in his hiding the fact either. A young man may wear a wig if he is -prematurely bald. He certainly will make his appearance more presentable -to others by so doing. - -_Opera Glass._—A gentleman may carry one to the theater or opera—evening -or afternoon. The small opera glass is most convenient. - -_Decorations._—These are worn only on formal occasions. Then they should -appear on evening dress, or on afternoon dress with a frock body-coat. -Worn on the left breast. - -_Fans._—These may be carried at any evening reception by a gentleman, if -he desires to so do, when there is to be dancing. - -Folding fans, with a heavy black or white silk cord and tassel, are -recommended. - -As a rule, fans are carried only for summer dances. A gentleman will find -it convenient and comfortable to have his own fan. - -_Knee-buckles and Shoe-buckles._—These are of sterling silver. Buckles -may be worn when knee-breeches are worn. - -_Trousers Crease._—This may be worn in trousers or not as taste dictates. - -It certainly improves the set of the trousers, and keeps the knees -straight. - -_Pockets._—These appear only in the waistcoat and body-coat. The only -things carried—morning wear, afternoon dress, and evening dress—are the -linen kerchief—including the silk when in evening dress—money, watch, and -fob chain in silk or gold, cards, pencil, silver or gold. - -_The Monocle._—This is worn any time of day. Narrow black silk ribbon or -cord is worn on it for morning and afternoon. For evening a wide black -silk ribbon is used. - -Wearing a monocle is an English custom. - -The monocle is seldom worn in this city. When worn it is placed in the -right eye. - - - - -CLOSING REMARKS - - -A gentleman in ordering his apparel, whether for morning wear, afternoon -dress, or evening dress, will follow his own taste and desire as regards -the style of seams, the material and style of linings, the size, number, -and kind of buttons to be used, the number of pockets, the length of -body-coats, overcoats, length and width of trousers, the style of his -hat, gloves, and shoes, the length of sleeves and width of collars, use -of braids and bindings, use of collar facings,—in fact, every point -connected with the making of garments, both outer and under clothing, -hats, shoes, gloves, and ties, all these he must decide and order the -maker to follow out. - -It is only through this care and attention to details that he can show -his taste and ability to dress. Most important of all—especially in -clothing—is the selection of material. - -This completes the dress necessary for a gentleman of fashion, in society -or out. He is not asked to follow implicitly the rules as laid down here, -but rather follow his own taste and ideas in the making and wearing of -garments. - -This is only meant as a guide. It is believed to be correct in all its -details, and can be followed safely as such. - -_Finis coronat opus._ - -[Illustration] - - - - -PART II. - -ESSENTIAL CUSTOMS FOR GENTLEMEN - - - - -CONTENTS - - PAGE - - INTRODUCTION 81 - - ACTIONS INDOORS 85 - - (1) LEAVING THE ROOM—(2) WALK INDOORS—(3) - MEETING ON STAIRS—(4) HAT INDOORS—(5) - BODY-COAT INDOORS—(6) OVERCOAT INDOORS—(7) - UNTIDY APPEARANCE—(8) CARDS—(9) - CALLING—(10) IN COMPANY—(11) RECEPTIONS - AND TEAS—(12) LUNCHEONS—(13) PARTIES—(14) - DINNERS—(15) DANCING—(16) BALLS, - DANCING CLASSES, THEATER PARTIES AND - RECEPTIONS—(17) BOWLING—(18) MUSICALES AND - MATINÉE PARTIES—(19) AMATEUR THEATRICALS - AND RECITATIONS—(20) BREAKFASTS—(21) VOCAL - AND INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC - - ACTIONS OUTDOORS 112 - - (1) WALKING—(2) PROMENADING—(3) JOINING - LADY—(4) PAYING OUT MONEY—(5) TAKING SEAT - IN PUBLIC CONVEYANCE—(6) DRIVING—(7) - RIDING—(8) SAILING - - PERSONAL APPEARANCE 126 - - (1) HANDS—(2) FACE—(3) TEETH—(4) HAIR—(5) - FACIAL EXPRESSIONS—(6) POSITION - - HABITS 131 - - (1) SMOKING—(2) DRINKING—(3) CHEWING—(4) - STRETCHING AND YAWNING - - CONVERSATION 134 - - (1) GENERAL—(2) GRAMMAR—(3) LAUGHING—(4) - COMPLIMENTS AND FLATTERY—(5) SMALL TALK - - CORRESPONDENCE AND INVITATIONS 138 - - PERSONAL ACTIONS 146 - - (1) ESCORTS—(2) EXTRAVAGANCE—(3) - KISSING—(4) FAMILIARITY—(5) CHAPERONS—(6) - HANDSHAKING—(7) KISSING HAND—(8) GENTLEMAN - ENGAGED—(9) INTRODUCTIONS - - PROPOSING 159 - - PRESENTS 165 - - (1) FLOWERS—(2) JEWELRY—(3) BON-BONS—(4) - PHOTOGRAPHS - - GENERAL POLITENESS 170 - - (1) INSULTS—(2) EMBARRASSMENTS—(3) TEMPER - - VISITING 176 - - (1) ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS—(2) DUTIES OF - VISITOR - - - - -_INTRODUCTION_ - - -_Before entering upon my subject, I would first state that this work is -unlike former books on manners and etiquette, for it seeks not as in -those cases to establish rules, enjoining the reader to be controlled -thereby, nor does it define customs and force them upon his knowledge. It -merely touches upon usages of sufficiently long standing to constitute -customs of society, reviews them before his mind, and classes them -as faults if not properly practised, and gives the remedies of those -faults. Also it defines customs which are practised too exactly to appear -natural, and shows wherein they can be modified. In this work there are -no monotonous rules imperatively laid down and the subjects are not -tiresomely strained. The most important customs only are described, with -their modifying rules; and though the work may say what should be done -or omitted, yet it leaves it to the option of the reader whether or not -he will perfect his social training by a recognition and due exercise -thereof._ - -_To classify the subjects under two general heads, I would first speak of -“Appearance.”_ - -_There is no necessity for a gentleman to give opportunities for others -to criticize his appearance. There is no reason why a gentleman should -not at any and all times present a complete and neat attire. Dress, -extravagant or plain, can always have such an effect, if care and -taste are exercised. If he is in doubt as to his own ability to dress -tastefully, then he should submit himself to tuition, or, if he is too -proud to disclose his ignorance in the matter, he should take careful -notice of the appearance and good taste displayed by others, and -endeavor to gain knowledge therefrom. In order to carry out my advice, it -is only necessary that a gentleman should either possess or acquire good -taste, and refer entirely to styles established by custom, as elucidated -in Part 1. of this book._ - -_The second head of customs is “Manner.” For a gentleman should not -present a perfect appearance as to dress, and at the same time accompany -his good taste with bad or impolite manners. A gentleman should have -a thorough knowledge of polite manners as established by custom, such -as are defined in this work. I mention only the most important ones, -it being immaterial to go into the minor branches of etiquette and -manners, as they naturally follow in consequence of a due exercise of the -more important ones. It is a very simple matter to cultivate easy and -graceful manners, and just as easy to use those manners in a polite and -gentlemanly way, no matter how or under what circumstances one may be -placed in society._ - -_And now I think my reader is prepared for a perusal of what I would term -not a classification of rules, but a kind of outline history of customs -as they should be recognized._ - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -ACTIONS INDOORS - - -SECTION 1. A gentleman should never leave his room without a complete -attire, as it is essential that he present the same appearance before a -servant as a lady. The same rule should apply when he risks encountering -unknown gentlemen, or acquaintances, as it should be his desire to -receive respect at the hands of both sexes. - -2. If passing up or down stairs or through halls, a gentleman should take -care not to tread heavily; especially is this urged in hotels, when it is -found necessary to pass through hallways late at night. - -3. When about to ascend or descend a narrow stairway, if a lady is -discovered thereon, step aside and allow her to pass; your act thus -permitting her free way without the discomfort of turning, as would -follow if both met thereon. - -If with a lady, in ascending or descending a narrow stairway, always -precede her, putting a distance of at least four steps between. If on a -broad stairway, allow her to occupy a place next the balustrade, placing -yourself at her other side. - -4. Not under any consideration should a hat be worn in a house or -church; never in a theater till the play is over, when it is allowable, -as established by custom, on account of the draft following the opening -of the exits, and not in a hotel except in the office or smoking-rooms -thereof. The wearing of a hat is also permissible when lingering or -detained in the draft of any open exit to the street. - -5. The body-coat should never be removed in the presence of ladies, -no matter how ready they may be to approve of the act, unless it is -their express and unanimous desire, in which case the better policy, -in choosing between the alternative of positive rudeness and a fall of -dignity, is to take the course requested. - -6. An overcoat should never be worn in a private house unless the -temperature is such as makes the act compulsory in order to preserve the -health, and then only on receiving approval from the majority of those -ladies (only) who may be present. It is immaterial if it be worn in a -hotel, exceptions being made to the parlors, ball-room, dining-rooms -or apartments. The overcoat should be removed immediately on entering -a theater or music hall if the intention is to remove it at all, as it -is the height of rudeness to rise in the seat to remove it if the act -cause discomfort to, or obscures the view of, parties occupying rear or -adjoining seats. - -7. (_a_) Never add to your comfort by making your appearance displeasing -to others. And under this head I would state that the pockets of either -coat, vest, or trousers should never be bulged out with articles so as in -any way to spoil the effect of neatness and cut of the clothing. (_b_) -The clothes should not be allowed to wrinkle; if carefully worn, or when -not in use hung smoothly on stretchers, wrinkles can be avoided. (_c_) -The hands should never be carried awkwardly, and especially must care be -taken to keep them out of the pockets; such habits mar the appearance of -the gentleman. - -8. Cards.—(_a_) If calling upon one young lady, only one card should be -delivered at the door; if on two ladies, two cards are required. It is -unnecessary that more than two should be sent up, even if the call is -made on the whole family. This rule applies, also, in delivering cards at -receptions, teas, afternoon musicales, and the like. Always send cards -on occasions when you cannot attend in person. When calling upon ladies -visiting a card should also be sent to their hostess. - -(_b_) The card should always have the gentleman’s address on the right -hand lower corner; or, if he has no permanent place of residence, then -the name of his club, or of some person in whose care communications can -be forwarded to him. If his name has too many initials to permit of using -the Christian name, then “Mr.” should be used, and only the initials -placed before the surname; but otherwise, the use of “Mr.” is according -to taste, whether it be placed before the Christian name or omitted, -though the latter is advised. - -9. Calling should be confined entirely to the afternoon and evening; a -few exceptions can be made in the case of very dear friends, when a call -in the morning would not be out of the way. Such should be made between -the hours of eleven and one. Afternoon calls should be made from three -till five, exceptions being made on occasions where the lady is in the -habit of having five o’clock tea, when it is allowable for the gentleman -to stay till his cup or two cups are finished; on no account is he to -partake of more than two. Ordinary evening calls extend from eight to ten -and are not to be made later than eight-thirty. For no reason whatever -should a gentleman stay later than ten, unless he is calling upon his -fiancée; the evening receptions extend from eight to eleven, and the call -must be made before ten. - -When pressed to remain to a meal, unless at least five or six calls have -previously been made, he should decline the invitation, exceptions being -permitted when the young lady’s parents or guardians are on intimate -terms with his own, in which case the second call will justify him in -accepting. Intimacy between her brothers or sisters and your own will -not suffice. The card is delivered at the door, and while waiting for -the lady, enter the parlor. It is not necessary to remove the overcoat -until the butler announces whether or not she is at home and can see you; -whereupon, if she acknowledges your card, the overcoat, hat, cane and -overshoes are to be left in the hall; on no account leave them about the -parlor. It is not necessary to remove the gloves. This rule applies in -all cases where ordinary calls are in question; if merely on a mission -to occupy but a few moments, the overcoat may be kept on, and the cane -carried in the hand, but the hat must always be left upon the rack. - -Always rise and advance to meet a lady at the door; do not subject her -to the inconvenience of discovering you and coming to you herself. If -the lady seats herself upon a sofa, do not place yourself beside her -without first obtaining her consent. If you take the seat, be careful of -your position, and do not appear too easy and at home, and, above all, -do not cross the legs. Also, keep the hands as quiet as possible; don’t -handle any objects or toy with ornaments, or twist your watch-chain, for -it shows you are either nervous or fidgety, and you thereby produce -the nervous effect upon your companion. The conversation should be of a -sensible topic; or, if amusing, it should be at least interesting: the -best topics to converse upon being theaters, plays, society, picture -exhibitions, art, buildings, literature, and especially light gossip. -Travels may also be discussed, but first ascertain of the lady whether -she has traveled; if not, and she does not ask you to recite your -travels, and it is your desire to do so, then describe them as briefly as -possible. If you find a young lady begins to appear restless, say a few -words more and take your departure; there is no knowing but that she has -some other engagement. Never at any time speak of an acquaintance in a -disagreeable manner. Do not even say anything unguardedly about a third -person, for fear that the trait or action you describe may disclose to -your companion of whom you are speaking. These last two cautions may seem -of minor importance, but they are, on the contrary, very important, as -thousands of serious quarrels result from neglecting them. - -10. When in company, do not by word or action make yourself obnoxious to -those present. Your words should be well chosen and spoken at the proper -time, and in good grammar; omit slang. If of a joking frame of mind, -deliver your joke in a quiet way, and do not carry your ability too far; -for too much of a good thing is worse than none at all. A few good jokes, -delivered with telling effect, will do more for your reputation in that -line than a thousand poor ones improperly delivered. No man should laugh -at his own joke, and when doing so at others’ he should take care not -to be boisterous. Do not monopolize the conversation; it cannot be done -without interrupting others, and to do that is the height of rudeness. -When in company, and persons are talking, do not pick them up on any -statement of which you do not approve, and pointedly contradict them, nor -start any argument which would tend to their embarrassment. Never flatter -or compliment in company, as it makes the object of your attention feel -conspicuous, and those present imagine that they are of less importance -in your estimation. Do not ask a young lady to attend any entertainment -with you, or do not extend any invitation if another lady be present, -with whom you are even but slightly acquainted; your partiality for one -should never be disclosed to another. Unless you can do it gracefully, do -not execute a dance or attempt to imitate stage performers. - -Also take care not to upset or run into ornaments or stub the toe against -them, and be sure of your footing, that you do not trip on mats, etc. A -great many gentlemen imagine it to be necessary to back out of a room on -taking their departure; not so,—merely say “good-by” (or “good-morning,” -or words suited to the time of day), and, turning to the door, walk out -to the hallway. If the hostess has an inclination or desire to follow you -and continue any unfinished subject which may have been under discussion, -it is not necessary to retire in so awkward a manner. Promptly announce -your intention and enter the hall; while adjusting the overcoat and -gloves, the conversation can be continued. This method can be exercised -without the faintest appearance of rudeness.… Subjects to be carefully -studied for company use may be found under the head of “Conversation.” - -11. If you are at a special invitation afternoon tea or reception, pay -particular attention to the hostess whenever she is seen unoccupied, and -offer your company in escorting her to partake of refreshments. Always -eat lightly of the viands yourself. If a crowded reception, half an hour -only should be spent thereat. A reception call should be made within -three months thereafter; half an hour, or possibly three-quarters, is -proper for such a call. - -12. A gentleman should never enter his sister’s luncheon hall when the -repast is in progress; such intrusions prove fatal to topics of dress -generally under discussion, or other matter not intended for his ears. -A gentleman can give a stag luncheon, or a luncheon for both ladies and -gentlemen if a chaperon presides. - -Under this head informal lunches may also be discussed. These are -such as persons are apt to partake of without any special previous -arrangement, either at restaurants or private houses. As a gentleman -is at liberty to dine where he pleases, I only speak of the subject in -connection with ladies. - -A gentleman should never invite a lady to lunch at his own house, no -matter how well acquainted he may be with her, not even when engaged, -unless a chaperon be present at the meal, and not invite her at all -unless he has met her very frequently beforehand. - -A gentleman can accept an invitation to lunch with a lady under the same -conditions as those of an invitation to stay to dinner when calling (see -Sec. 9.) - -When desirous of asking a lady to lunch at a restaurant, whether you take -her direct from the house to it, or while walking, makes no difference; -a chaperon must be present at the meal unless you bear an existing or -agreed future relationship to her, or your friendship is understood -by your own and the lady’s friends to be so dear as not to allow of -suspicion or question—when a chaperon can be dispensed with. - -Without a chaperon be extremely careful in your selection of a -restaurant; seek those whose reputation is quiet and refined and of less -publicity than the rest of the well-known restaurants. Always when with a -lady enter the restaurant by the door intended for ladies’ use; never by -the public entrance. - -13. Evening parties should be attended before the hour of eleven, in full -dress. If with a lady do not keep her waiting, but rather let her find -you awaiting her at the dressing-room door. If alone or otherwise take -care to seek the hostess on entering the parlor; this is a piece of -politeness sadly overlooked nowadays, especially by individual gentlemen. -At a dance always take the inside arm of a lady while promenading. -Repeatedly ask after her thirst, and never allow her to approach the -refreshment table, but bring the glass to her on your kerchief if there -are no doilys. Always pay particular attention to the hostess, and -ask her repeatedly to dance. Never, if idle and you see her without a -partner, allow her to remain thus alone; under such circumstances, likes -and dislikes should be set aside, or you should not have attended the -dance. Always offer your arm to your partner immediately on ceasing to -dance. Make it a rule never to leave a dance without bidding the host or -hostess good-night, and thanking them for the pleasures of the evening. -This is another poor policy of a great many men, to leave quietly -without the knowledge of the host or hostess. - -Party calls should be made within a year at the farthest after the party, -and should occupy the same length of time as an ordinary call. - -14. Dinners should be attended promptly on time. Always allow the ladies -to be seated first. Do not attempt to pass anything if the servants are -present, nor even if they are not present unless expressly requested to -do so. - -Do not attempt to speak when the mouth contains food. When spoken to, -a motion of the head will be sufficient to convey the reply intended, -and at the same time to acquaint your questioner with the fact that he -has spoken inopportunely. In order to conform to the various customs it -is advisable to abstain as long as is prudent from folding the napkin -till you view the action therein of the host or hostess. But this is -only necessary at more or less informal dinners. The prevailing custom -of formal dinners is never to fold the napkin. Care must be taken not to -make noises with the mouth, when eating, and not to smack the lips. If a -total abstainer from drink, you must not turn your glasses upside-down, -nor allow them filled. Merely stop the servant when your glass is half -filled, thus preventing comment and complete waste at one and the same -time. You must not call the servants, but endeavor to beckon them to you -with the head and eyes, not with the finger. Never speak louder than -will allow of a comprehension of what you are saying. Do not toy with -articles on the table, and when the hands are not employed in eating they -must be kept in the lap. Don’t put the elbows on the table. Reading is -not to be indulged in at the table, unless it is a letter or special -communication, when you must beg pardon for your rudeness. Do not leave -the table before the rest have finished except in case of necessity, and -then by permission only, always excusing yourself. When remaining till -the finish, never rise till the host or hostess or both have signified -that the meal is at an end, by rising first. - -15. There is one custom in this work which above all others is essential -to every man who has any desire to play the _rôle_ of a thorough social -success, and that requirement is dancing. There is not one thing which -a society gentleman performs, which gives so much enjoyment not only to -himself, but to others. Nothing is more closely criticized, nothing more -prominent when in execution; nothing more benefiting as an exercise, -and nothing more satisfactory to the performer, than dancing. By that -word is meant any performance which has the name of dance, and which has -the requisites of “grace,” “ease,” and “perfect performance.” To be a -perfect dancer the above expressions in reference to your dancing should -be won from your admirers. Do not think, because you have an idea of -how to dance, that you really do so perfectly. The first requirement to -good dancing is grace. If you are graceful you cannot appear awkward to -on-lookers, for your step is firm, body quiet, and arms still. The arm is -never pumped, and the feet are barely lifted off the floor. To have ease, -a dancer should appear confident of his ability, and show that ability -by a correct and actual performance of the dance in the above-explained -graceful way. To have a perfect performance of a dance, both of -the former requirements are to be exercised, with these additional -requisites, viz.: use a long decided glide, never jump or hop, always -reverse equally as much as you turn the original way, keep to the side of -the room, direction to the right from the entrance. Do not collide with -other couples, or at least protect your partner from sudden collisions, -and on no account allow her to slip. - -The right hand should be at the lady’s back, between the lower ends of -the shoulder-blades, and should always carry a silk handkerchief. Never -in dancing hold a lady close to you, for it is the most disagreeable -position for her, and looks decidedly improper. Hold your partner at -all times at arms’ length; this gives you freedom of speech, space to -use the feet, and allows you to glide more easily. In a waltz, always -take a long, sweeping glide, with as little rise as possible. Any step -between a Boston dip and the Philadelphia glide, if used as a sort of an -imperceptible, sweeping dip, will appear to great advantage on the floor. -A Polka should either be glided or walked through; never skip, and do not -take too long a step, and do away entirely with all fancy variations of -the dance. Keep strictly to the original Polka form and you will avoid -all awkward appearances. The same rule applies to the Yorke, Galop, etc. -The Schottische is a beautiful dance, if performed gracefully as in the -waltz, only much more care should be exercised in the forward steps. Do -not use that once popular, but awkward manner of skipping in this dance, -but the more modern three running steps. Those familiar with all these -popular dances will comprehend the importance of my criticisms. The -Caprice is the combination dance of waltz and polka, and necessitates -more care and attention than any other. Nothing but the glide step -should be used in this dance. - -16. Balls, Dancing Classes, Theater Parties, Receptions.—These may all -be given by gentlemen, if they have married ladies as patronesses. -Theater parties can be followed by dinners at the popular restaurants, -the chaperon attending. If the party occupies more than one box, an equal -number of chaperons should accompany it. - -17. Bowling—Card-playing.—In bowling, a gentleman should keep the score, -notify the ladies of their turns as they come round, hand them the -balls—not too large, but heavy enough to be thrown with ease and effect. -See that they enjoy the game thoroughly, or else cease the sport. If you -notice fatigue in a lady’s manner, ask her to desist. Many sprains, -dislocations, and twists are the result of attempting to throw balls -with tired wrists. A gentleman can organize a bowling club under the -supervision of a chaperon attending each meeting. - -At cards, he pays strict attention to those playing; he endeavors to make -the games pleasant. He should never look over another’s hand of cards; -and, above all, should never cheat. He should never gamble and bet on -cards, nor allow games of that kind in his house. - -18. Musicales—Matinée Parties.—Gentlemen attend these either as escorts -or alone. They are at liberty to give them whenever they desire to do so. -They must always have a patroness or chaperon present. - -19. (1) When asked to participate in amateur theatricals, do not -unhesitatingly accept the invitation, but first consider your ability, -not only to act the part tendered you, but that which is of more -importance, viz., to be able to act gracefully, and carry it out in -all its perfection; for it is only of too frequent occurrence that -young men readily accept, confident of being able to memorize their -part, disregarding the fact that memorizing is not acting. After having -accepted an invitation to act, being of fair ability so to do, be -careful to pay strict attention to your part, and be punctual at all -the rehearsals. Gentlemen can organize amateur theatrical clubs among -themselves at discretion, but on no occasion should ladies be included -without a chaperon at hand. - -(2) Never offer to recite, and if asked to do so, decline, unless you are -sure of what you are about to recite. Do not make your recitations too -lengthy, and not too dramatic. Be sure that your gestures are fitted for -the words used; make them few, but telling. Do not hurry through a piece; -and above all, do not shout; suit the voice to the size of the room or -hall in which you are reciting. If encored, acknowledge such by another -piece, or repetition of the first; but to further applause, merely bow. - -20. Breakfasts can be given at any time within the hours of eight and -twelve A. M., to gentlemen, or ladies and gentlemen, a chaperon being -present for the latter. Invitations for these, as for any other event, -should be answered within the customary time—two weeks before the -occurrence; or, if the invitation is later than two weeks before date of -breakfast, an immediate reply is necessary. - -21. When in company never offer to sing unless you are perfectly -confident of your ability to satisfy the expectations of those present. -If asked to sing, unless of ability to do so, be not too ready to accept -the invitation, but wait till it is tendered you again, so that, in case -of failure, you be not looked so unfavorably upon as if you had accepted -readily; the same rule applies to playing upon instruments. When singing -or playing reply to only one encore; to more, merely bow or offer your -excuses. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -ACTIONS OUTDOORS - - -SECTION 1. When walking alone a quick step is to be taken; the toes must -be turned out. Never run into a person, if ordinary care can prevent it, -and especially give way to a lady, no matter how you may meet. Always -keep to the right of the sidewalk, and never pass in front of a lady -coming at right angles at a street corner, unless a distance of six -feet intervene between said lady and the crossing-point when you reach -it. In bowing when alone the hat should be carried quickly down to the -right, or left if left-handed, till the back of the hand strikes the -hip, then slowly replaced on the head. The taking-off of the hat is to be -accompanied by a slight forward inclination of the body and a smile of -recognition. - -Unless the cause of the act is known to the lady as well as yourself, -never cut her, that is, do not look at her and refuse absolutely to -return her bow, but recognize it in an indifferent manner sufficient to -convey the fact that something is wrong, and that the return bow was -forced, while still it is polite. If you know a lady whom you dislike and -have no desire to recognize, never look at her in passing, as you would -thus invite recognition, and would be exceedingly impolite in cutting -her. When you meet a person walking, and that awkward dodging in the -effort to pass occurs, always stop and turn slightly to the right till -the other has passed on. If it be a lady, the expression “Pardon” is -to be used as she passes. If you step on a man’s foot, address him with -an apology merely; if on a lady’s, the apology must be accompanied by a -slight bow. Never carry a parcel of any kind: if a hat is to be taken to -the store, carry it in a leather case; if articles of wear, carry them -in a satchel. Do not wear too large a boutonnière; a few dozen violets -or two or three pinks, or a few sprays of lily of the valley, or a few -pansies, or a very small red rosebud for afternoon, and as few leaves as -possible. For the evening a few sprays of hyacinth or lily of the valley -is the only proper buttonhole bouquet. - -2. When walking with a lady keep either a military step, or if her step -is too short for your comfort, then take a Newport drag pace, taking care -that the body does not rise much, thus preventing a see-saw appearance. -Always walk on the side nearest the curbstone, except in the case of a -very crowded street, when it may be the most convenient for the lady to -walk on your right. A distance of half a foot should be kept between -the lady and yourself at all times when the walk is not crowded; this -is necessary always in the daytime, and also in the evening unless -the acquaintance is such as permits taking arms. Never lock arms in -the daytime. Always pay attention if your companion is speaking; your -mind should not be distracted by persons or objects passing; there is -nothing more unsatisfactory and disagreeable to a young lady than for -her to realize that she is unheard and unheeded. When with a lady it is -unnecessary to stop at all to permit another lady to pass when coming at -right angles, as is necessary when alone. When raining always hold the -umbrella; when sunny never offer to, or hold a parasol, unless expressly -requested to do so; a sunshade is for a lady to hold, and looks out of -place in a gentleman’s hand, unless it is a particularly heavy one, or -the wind is too strong to permit of the lady carrying it comfortably. If -she has a satchel or large parcel when you meet her, immediately offer to -carry it. - -3. When joining a lady, if coming toward her, wait till she has passed; -then turning, join her with the usual or intended salutation, without -stopping her. Never come intentionally face to face to join her; she -will, presumably, think that you wish to stop, and it is a settled -conclusion that a lady and gentleman should never stop to talk on the -street; in a party it is permissible only if the several persons thereof -have chanced to meet, or are in the act of parting. When joining a lady -in the morning on the street only accompany her a few blocks, for the -morning is shopping-time, and escorts are seldom desired. Never fail to -raise the hat on leaving a lady on the street, or at doors or windows. -When it is muddy cross before a lady that she may profit by your action, -by crossing in your foot-prints. If very muddy offer your hand for her -support in finding good foot-rests. Never carry the cane in the hand next -the lady if it is possible to carry it in the other; if not possible, -because the other is the useful one, then it should be carried under the -arm next to her with that hand placed at the cane-head. The reason of -this rule will be understood on reflecting, that if the cane is carried -in the useful hand, it must necessarily be conveyed to the other every -time a man bows; it is a poor action, and presents an awkward appearance, -especially if the cane drops. This rule also applies to umbrellas when -rolled. Of course this is plain, as it is not supposed that a gentleman -when promenading carries any but these two articles. Never let a lady -carry your cane in the city. - -When entering a door or passageway, allow the lady to precede you, as is -done indoors. When with a lady, and she bows, your bow should be less -marked than when alone; the hat is to be raised and carried quickly -to the front as low as the chin, then as speedily replaced. When you -consider the side you occupy, the advisability of this manner of bowing -is at once seen on reflecting that a sweeping bow would more or less -interfere with the continuation of your companion’s recognition of the -third party, which is a complaint the majority of young ladies set up. -In giving a lady soda-water or other cooling drink, do not allow her -to use her own kerchief, but insist upon her using one of your own; a -gentleman should always carry two. Also, in view of the fact that many -pockets in dresses are difficult to discover immediately, the gentleman -should thus be prepared for emergencies. If walking in the afternoon -with a lady, and you are overtaken by darkness, do not continue, but -immediately board a horse-car, enter a stage, or have your carriage -follow and meet you, and thus return. This rule is on the principle that -ladies and gentlemen should not walk the streets after dark, and this -principle is universally approved of by society. The walk to and from -cars to attend theaters in the evening, is a different matter entirely, -and cannot be offered in opposition to the above rule (as many have -claimed), as it is confined to only a few particular streets, and has -nothing whatever to do with avenue promenades; besides, it is understood -that crossing to theaters is compulsory, and so excusable. In taking a -lady for a walk, you should always provide her with a fair-sized bouquet -of violets, if popular, or, if not, of roses to harmonize with her type, -whether blonde or brunette; or any class of flowers which you know would -suit her taste, provided they are not out of style, or unsuited to the -season or for street wear, or perhaps too loud for her general appearance. - -4. When with a lady, always pay her fare in a public conveyance, at a -ticket office, or gate, or any place where fare is demanded, unless she -has a ticket for the occasion. - -If in the vehicle, at the office, or gate, or any place requiring the -payment of fare, and you meet a lady friend who has not as yet paid -her fare, do not offer to do so for her, as it is very bad form, and -presents the appearance of a desire on your part to let people know you -have money, and the act more or less reflects upon the lady’s purse. If -accompanying a lady into a store, do not offer to buy her this and that; -such an act is simply out of consideration; it is an affront to her -purse, and she rejects your offer; no lady would accept it unless for -some very trifling purchase. - -5. When in any crowded public conveyance, a lady gets in, always rise -immediately and notify her of the vacancy. Do not think, because you are -tired, you are justified in keeping the seat, for you do not know but -that the lady is just as tired as yourself. Again, when you see a small -space between two ladies, do not try to wedge yourself in; it is better -to be uncomfortable yourself, than to cause discomfort to the ladies. Do -not lean over or against a lady when holding the strap overhead, and she -is seated below. Always, if next the fare-box, offer to deposit a lady’s -fare, especially in stages. Never in city conveyances, if a conductor -is at hand, offer your assistance in raising or lowering a window, -but solicit the conductor to do it for you; if none is upon or in the -conveyance, then lend your help. - -6. When asking a lady to drive, do so only on an advanced acquaintance, -and do not keep her out after dark. Take care not to allow the whip -to dangle in her face, and, in urging on the horses, do so in an easy -manner, without that sudden start which throws the lady so violently back -in her seat. Do not talk about horses; it is a very poor subject, and -savors of poor taste. In calling for a lady do not keep her waiting, but -have the vehicle at the door on time. If possible to leave the reins -loose on the horses, step out and help the lady into the vehicle, then -pass round to the other side and take your seat, carefully adjusting the -lap-robe over both. Do not keep up a continuous chuckle to the horses, -as it is a very monotonous sound, but use the whip. A full driving suit -should always be worn if a lady accompanies you. Always wear gloves in -driving. If you have spirited horses to handle, it is not necessary while -driving to take off the hat when recognizing a person; a smile and an -inclination of the head are sufficient, for taking off the hat interferes -considerably with your management of the animals, and has often resulted -in serious accidents. Do not take a lady riding in the morning. The -afternoon from three till five is the proper time. Never on any account -drive on Sunday. Never take a lady in a light wagon or buggy, or out with -fast horses, in the city, for it is not stylish; in fact, such turnouts -are common, as in use only by sporting men or horse lovers. - -7. Riding should be confined to the morning as much as possible, and a -complete outfit worn upon all occasions. Especially is this urged when -with a lady. Always keep head and neck of your own horse beyond your -companion’s, if a lady, in view of being able and prepared to assist her -in case of fright or accident to her horse. Always assist her in mounting -and alighting from her horse. - -8. Sailing is a pastime which can be indulged in at leisure by a -gentleman who knows a thing or two about such pleasure; whether he has -confidence in his ability or not, if he ventures upon that pleasure he -does so at his own risk. But when he has a lack of knowledge, and lack of -confidence in his ability to handle a boat, not under any consideration -should he venture to invite a lady to accompany him. To take ladies -sailing, when you are ignorant of the methods of handling sailing craft, -is a risk that often has frightful results; these have been often seen, -where summer men who know positively nothing about the art of sailing -have issued invitations, and ventured on their perilous, uncertain -pleasure. Always take a skipper, and no danger will arise. Take care to -look first after the comfort of the ladies, and always provide cushions, -field-glasses, and especially ice-water in view of a calm. This latter is -very often neglected, to the great distress of the ladies when the boat -is becalmed. The writer can safely make this suggestion, as he had such -an experience himself. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -PERSONAL APPEARANCE - - -SECTION 1. The hands should always be kept clean. Do not think because -you have gloves on that you are safe in neglecting your hands. You may be -suddenly called upon to perform some act which would necessitate taking -off the gloves, thus exposing soiled hands. The nails should be kept -perfectly clean and projecting about one-twelfth of an inch from the -tender flesh and not too pointed, and are to be only slightly polished. -All hang-nails should be cut off, and advanced flesh pushed back from the -root of the nails. Do not wear too many rings. A gentleman should never -have on more than two, and those to be placed one on each hand. Always -place them on the fingers next the little ones. Large diamonds should not -be worn; one carat is the usual weight. Also, do not wear broad bands -of gold, they are very common-looking on a gentleman; a seal-ring or -intaglio is quite sufficient. Never wear bracelets, it is exceedingly -effeminate. And, above all, do not wear ladies’ rings. - -2. The face, if without a growing beard or moustache, should be kept -clean. This can best be done by a light shave. Do not shave too close; to -be sure it appears more free of hair for the time being, but then, as the -hair grows out, eruptions cover the face, especially the neck; thus for a -few hours’ clean appearance you undergo several days’ discomfort. - -3. The teeth should be kept clean, white, and polished. It is necessary -that they be kept clean, as odors from them sometimes give the impression -of a disordered stomach, and makes conversation at close quarters -exceedingly disagreeable. - -4. The hair should be carefully brushed, with a neat part, the sides at -the front being slightly raised and pushed back. The hair can be parted -on either the left, right, or center of the head, but it should never be -flattened and plastered down, as the appearance is very weakening to the -character of the face. Leave such a fad to those of bad taste, who have -nothing else to do but corrupt the standing customs. - -5. Do not, no matter how much displeased, at any time wear a scowl or -severe expression; it does you no good as to others, for they do not -know the cause thereof, and they naturally conclude you to be of a -disagreeable disposition. Equally true is it that the face should be -free from that incessant smiling which overspreads the countenances of -so many. The face should possess neither one of these expressions, but -present a set, firm appearance, conveying no idea of the thoughts of the -mind. Outward causes are exceptions to the changes of facial expressions. -When talking, care should be taken not to accompany the words with -distortions of the face. The mouth should not be opened too wide, nor the -tongue stuck out. Never bite the lips or pick the teeth, as both distort -the face. Never use the eyes in a flirtatious manner, as it is very -poor taste and shows conceit. Also, do not glance at a strange lady in -a steady or impertinent manner; least of all on the street or in public -vehicles. - -6. Your position should always be as dignified as possible; if sitting, -the body should be held upright and the arms gracefully placed, and -not twisted or hung over the back of the chair. Always face the person -whom you are addressing. When standing, your position must be straight, -shoulders back, and head well up. The legs to be close together or one -slightly advanced, in a position of rest. The arms can be carried either -by locking hands behind the back, or in front, or they can be folded upon -the chest; either way can be made to appear graceful. When walking, the -body is carried as in standing, and the busy hand must carry its contents -as gracefully as possible, while the other hand is allowed to hang by the -side, moving only with the motion of the body. Both, if free, must hang -thus; never put them in the pockets. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -HABITS - - -SECTION 1. Smoking should be confined entirely to a studio, smoking-room, -drawing-room, or library, when ladies are, or intend to be, in the -vicinity later, and should never be indulged in, even in the places -mentioned above, if the ladies are present, without their unanimous -consent thereto. - -Smoking in the street is also objected to, exception being made when on -the front platforms of cars, when a gentleman should make it his duty to -see that the smoke does not prove disagreeable to ladies in the car. - -2. Drinking to excess is not the habit of a gentleman. Drink should be -taken only in moderation, especially at dinner parties when ladies are -present. Do not boast of your fondness for the beverage. If you chance -to be at all under the influence of liquor, or even if you have merely a -strong odor of it on the breath, do not attend a reception or dance, as -such an odor is not perfume to the partners with whom you may dance or -converse. - -3. Chewing tobacco or other stuff manufactured for the same purpose -should never be indulged in by a gentleman, no matter where he is. -Spitting must not be practised in the presence of ladies, and should be -done away with entirely unless alone and out of sight of others. Clearing -the throat should not be done in ladies’ company, and be careful not to -allow indications of indigestion to rise noisily in the throat. And -lastly, do not hiss through the teeth or hum to yourself in company. - -4. Do not, no matter how cramped you may be, stretch in the presence of -ladies, and not at all at the table, even if alone. Yawning should be -confined to your own presence strictly, or, if it is irrepressible, place -the fingers before the mouth. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -CONVERSATION - - -SECTION 1. Never use sarcasm in direct conversation, as it is but a -veiled form of insult. Do not use deceit, especially in conversing -with a lady; also, avoid prevarication, as such is bad policy. Do not -boast, it is an absurd habit to fall into. Too many puns or jokes become -monotonous; jokes should not be told in reference to a person present, -unless the acquiescence of the party be first received. - -2. Your grammar should be of the best, and your words selected with -great care. Large words should be used very seldom unless the topic of -conversation calls for them. - -3. Laughter should never be forced; if you are not amused, merely -smile. When laughing at a small matter do so in a light, sincere way; -when amused by some good joke or occurrence, laugh heartily but not too -loudly; merely convey the fact that the joke or event is appreciated. -This rule should apply at all times when ladies are present. - -4. Never flatter a lady, for it is the poorest substitution for a -sensible topic that was ever thought of in society. It is disliked by -ladies and gentlemen alike, and it shows insincerity in its every use. If -you desire to say something nice to a person, make use of more serious -expressions, commonly known as compliments, for, if you intend to -compliment and speak too sweetly, it is not such, but flattery, you are -making use of. Only compliment when a person deserves it, and do not do -so too often. - -5. In society one should always be prepared for impromptu conversation, -or small talk, and should always have plenty of it in stock; that is, not -the whole substance of the expected conversation, but subjects upon which -you can converse at a moment’s notice. At receptions, teas, dinners, -dances, or any other entertainment, the topics should be select, and the -oral abilities prepared to discuss them in a free and familiar way. Such -topics might well be classed under the simple heads of Art of latest -Artists, Receptions, Teas, etc., and especially Latest Novels, then also -Plays and the criticisms, or Noted People of the Day. You will find any -one of these sufficient for short conversation. Literature and grave -subjects would prove too extensive. Try not to criticize people severely, -and do not speak on any subject which, after a few remarks, appears -uninteresting or distasteful to the person conversing with you. When a -subject has been once discussed and abandoned by all, it is bad taste to -return to it during that same conversation or in the same company. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -CORRESPONDENCE AND INVITATIONS - - -SECTION 1. Correspondence is a thing which every man should be able to do -well in all its branches, whether social or business, whether formal or -otherwise, whether brief or extended in its subject-matter. A gentleman -should always be able to write sensible letters, and to the point, -without deviating from the general topic. When corresponding with other -men keep strictly, unless with a very close friend, to the subject in -question. But when writing to ladies the rule is different. To adhere so -exactly to the topic of discussion is significant of a desire to have the -matter through with. Always add further casual remarks tending to show an -interest beyond the duty of correspondence. The ladies’ writing rule is -just the reverse. - -It does very well to insert, here and there, witty remarks to break the -monotony of a lengthy epistle. Above all, it is advised to abstain from -putting in writing any words imparting affection or soliciting such -from the lady. Write your letter in one complete part; that is, let all -you have to say be penned upon any number of sheets you may desire, but -be sure it is between the head address and your signature. Never add a -postscript; this in letters, like a parenthesis in sentences, has the -appearance of poor construction. - -Do not write crosswise on the paper, and avoid blotting the same. Also -see that you never write to a lady on office paper, or any which is -ink-lined, for your social corresponding paper should always have a crest -or monogram at the top, and such would not appear well or to advantage on -that which is lined. If you desire ruled paper, let the lines be such as -are pressed into it during manufacture. Lastly, never use hotel paper, -except in the summer, and then only when traveling or visiting without a -trunk, which should always contain every necessity of a trip. - -If it is formal, a lady’s letter should be answered immediately, if there -is the least hint of a reply in it, but without such hint the gentleman -must not answer. If it is informal, he must, if requested to reply, do -so immediately, otherwise he may suit himself, but within a limit of -one month; later, politeness would be at stake. But the lady should not -be expected to answer in either case to your letter unless she feels so -disposed, or you show good reasons why she should, and expressly request -her to do so. - -Formal correspondence can be indulged in between any persons who may -be related, very dear friends, or even mere acquaintances. With the -first two classes, a gentleman can correspond formally at any and all -times, unless expressly solicited not to do so by the lady’s parents, -or guardians, or herself. But in the last case he must have a request -to offer or an answer to return, and it should be very formal, implying -by its very subject-matter that necessity caused the correspondence. -When writing a formal note to a lady acquaintance, without her consent, -merely sign your name to the matter and place therein your card, such -as is described in Sec. 8, Actions Indoors. Never write your address -beneath the signature, or, as is sometimes done, above the head address, -in this class of notes.… But informal and lengthy correspondence only -pertains to, and can be exercised at all times by, very dear friends, -_fiancés_, or very dear relatives. Acquaintances must be subjected to the -rule of formality of correspondence, till they have reached the relation -of friend, which can be acquired only after eight or ten meetings, when -there has been sufficient conversation to establish what the parties -mutually agree to constitute fast friendship. - -2. Invitations are so many and varying in their nature, that it is -generally difficult to say what kind of a reply, and how soon, should be -given. But all can be summed up in a few divisions, viz.: Reception, -Dance, and Wedding invitations. (_a_) Reception invitations are never -to be replied to, unless accompanied with an informal invitation to an -after-reception dance, bearing an R. S. V. P., when a few days can be -permitted to elapse before replying thereto. (_b_) A wedding invitation, -like the reception, needs no reply, except under the same conditions as -annexed to reception invitations. But dances are the subjects for which -dozens of different kinds of invitations are issued, when it is decidedly -difficult to ascertain the exact time, or answer as desired by the -inviter. The answer depends upon the number of inviters included in the -invitation; the time upon the number of days intervening before the date -of the event; if two weeks, the regular time allotted, then an immediate -reply is necessary (exceptions in subscription dances). If two or three -ladies or gentlemen, or both, are the inviters, then address the reply -to the one so selected as secretary for the reception of replies, and -of course sign your name on the completion of the reply; then in the -left-hand lower corner, pen, “Politeness to”; then write, one beneath -the other, the names of all the inviters, including the secretary last; -this shows that the reply is politely tendered to all. In a subscription -dance, an invitation for all and every date of dances is usually sent out -six weeks before date of first meeting, in which case three or four weeks -at the most can be allowed to pass; but no matter when the invitation is -received, if two or six weeks prior to the first meeting, always reply at -least two weeks before such first date. Dinners, teas, breakfasts, etc., -are the same as dances as to time and answer. Invitations by card to call -are not to be answered, but should be acknowledged in person, as soon -after their reception as possible. Invitations to subscription dances -need only be addressed to the secretary or inviter. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -PERSONAL ACTIONS - - -SECTION 1. When a gentleman accepts the honored position of escort he is -supposed to do so willingly, and with the intention of fulfilling its -many requirements. Do not accept and accompany a lady to her intended -destination, and continually show any displeasure in your position. Pay -strict attention to her, and leave her only when she is engaged in some -dance or occupation with another partner. Young ladies take escorts in -substitution for a brother or relative, and when so taking expect to find -them congenial and as equal to their duties as any brother or relative -would be. When asking a gentleman as escort the lady is expected to -furnish the carriage if it is her desire to ride; it is not necessary -for the gentleman to bring her flowers in return for her kindness, but -an after-gift of the same will suffice. When asking a lady to give you -the pleasure of her company for any event, you must, of course, expect -to pay all expenses; if in the evening, and she is an old acquaintance, -always expect to furnish a carriage. If only an acquaintance, and it is -necessary to use a carriage, then a chaperon should be brought with you. -But the cars are generally the mode of travel which can be used if a -chaperon is not desired. - -Never take advantage of your situation when in a carriage alone with a -lady, by addressing her in any way too familiar to be polite. - -2. Extravagance is one of the greatest faults into which young and old -persist in falling. Very few society men know what economy means. So to -point out a few ways by which extravagance may be at least modified by -gentlemen: (_a_) It is very poor taste for a person to show by his attire -extravagant inclinations. Do not dress too gaudily, or change the suits -more than is ordinarily necessary for special occasions. Let your dress -be not too costly, not too loud, but neat, of the styles described in -Part I. of this book, and do away with too great a variety of top and -over coats, neckties, patent leather shoes (for walking), and, above -all, elaborately figured waistcoats, also elaborate canes. They all -combine not only to appear extravagant, but destroy the effect of simple -elegance. (_b_) Do not spend money for a thing unless it is necessary -for your own good or that of a relation. Presents given by a single man -should be simple and of slight cost. - -If engaged the rule is less strict; but if married a man should not only -teach himself the law of economy, but also his wife and children. Such -gifts as candy, flowers, jewelry, etc., should be given only by very dear -friends, which relation permits such presents to be of slight cost, while -they are appreciated as if of great cost. Costly gifts to acquaintances -are a gross extravagance. - -3. Kissing is a pleasure which is not to be indulged in except among dear -relatives, the family, wife, or your _fiancée_. Never kiss or embrace -a person outside of these exceptions, no matter how old friends they -may be. No lady would allow you such a privilege, and if she should -so far forget her standing as to permit the act, you would be rude, -exceedingly so, and no gentleman, to take advantage of her forgetfulness. -Never, on any account, kiss or embrace the persons, as stated above, in -a public place,—it is common. No one knows your relationship, and no -one the length of time of separation; besides, the act of kissing is -very undignified and ungraceful. Of course these rules only apply to -gentlemen; they are not enforceable in respect to ladies, as the feminine -sex is supposed to be more demonstrative. Familiarity, though allowed, -breeds contempt by degrees. - -4. Familiarity is a subject upon which the majority of society men can -discourse fluently, so practised are they in the art. In fact, society is -infected with this disease. It reigns on all occasions, be they private -or public. It is found in the most aristocratic circles, as in those of -less refinement. Why should this continue? It should not. Both ladies -and gentlemen use it; but of gentlemen, alone, I now speak. Freedom of -speech and freedom of manner constitute the general heads of familiarity. -(_a_) Freedom of manner has been partly defined under the heads of -kissing and embracing. Do not on any account allow of any rude actions on -your part; always keep a polite distance from a lady, and do not, if you -take her hand, retain too long a hold thereof, or press it with your own; -in fact, never touch a lady unless she is related to you, under the heads -set forth in Section 3, Personal Actions, unless it becomes absolutely -necessary; then do it in the most polite manner possible. (_b_) Freedom -of speech is the most important head of familiarity, and includes many -classes of rudeness. Do not be impertinent in your remarks to ladies, -ask no personal questions, do away with rude speech; seek not to impart -to her that which she should not know, or tries to turn a deaf ear to. -Improper remarks are poison from the tongue, and tend to ruin your -reputation in her estimation, as a gentleman, sooner or later. It is no -excuse if she tolerates your advances or not,—a gentleman is a gentleman, -and should remain so. Not only is this rule applicable to acquaintances, -but it should be strictly observed in your own family. Your sisters -should be as acquaintances as respects your behavior, and your mother and -father should command respect in your every word or action. - -5. A gentleman, because he is married, should not suppose himself fitted -for the position of chaperon on occasions where it is necessary to leave -the city, or it is an evening affair; on the contrary, it is his duty -to refuse acceptance of such a position, unless himself and wife act as -the chaperons. If single, he should never offer his services as chaperon. -He may be such in the daytime, within the city, acting as a guide or -protector of his companion; but this is a very weak form of chaperonage -compared to that customary in society, which form generally concerns only -evening or out-of-town events, when a stricter rule is applied, under -the conditions of which a gentleman can never be a chaperon. It must be -remembered that though guide and protector are the true meanings of the -word chaperon, yet, as far as a gentleman can exercise that right, he can -be no more than an escort. - -6. A gentleman should shake hands as seldom as possible. On introduction -and at parting should be the chief occasions for the act. This rule -refers only to your own sex. With ladies it is far stricter. You should -not shake hands on introduction to ladies, nor at parting; but at the -next meeting, or subsequent ones, if they appear desirous of such a -cordial greeting, grasp their hand, for it is at the option of a lady -whether or not the hands should come in contact with each other; but -never shake at parting. When taking a lady’s hand, grasp it firmly, but -gently, just sufficient pressure to convey the feeling of cordiality, -nothing more, and raising her hand to the height of her waist, shake it -gently two or three times, then release it; never hold it while speaking, -and do not attempt that awkward, lately originated style of raising -the hands above the face, with the fingers twisted out of shape; it is -clumsy, decidedly ridiculous in appearance, and very uncomfortable for -the lady. - -7. Never kiss a lady’s hand when in public, and never privately, unless -engaged or very much attached to her, and not then unless she is willing -to undergo the torture. - -Do not, as in hand-kissing, throw kisses to a person in public, and not -at all unless under the conditions stated above. - -8. When engaged a gentleman should devote all his spare moments to his -_fiancée_. He should compel himself to forsake other ladies’ society, -allowing himself to be thrown therein only when accompanying his intended -to entertainments or dances, and then should control himself, so as to -give no cause of jealousy by his actions or apparent interest in others -of the fair sex. He should give all presents to her, take her to all the -entertainments and dances, and, in fact, let her find him always devotion -in everything. Clubs should be partially or wholly neglected for her. -Even under the circumstances, familiarity should be guardedly exercised, -especially with her family. - -9. Introductions are the most important of any of the numerous acts of -society, constituting a custom established by long and frequent usage. -It is easy to introduce, no matter how or in what manner it is done, and -ninety-nine per cent. of introductions are either improperly conducted or -a mere mention of names. To constitute a proper introduction there must -be three requisites, viz.: Sufficient language to imply an introduction, -an objective name and a subjective name each distinctly pronounced. That -is to say: the object is the person to whom the subject is presented; -second, the subject of the introduction is the one whom you present. You -must pronounce both names distinctly. First, be sure that both are aware -of your intention and secure of each other’s attention, then proceed -by saying: _(Ex.)_ “Miss Smith [object], please allow me to present -Mr. Brown [subject].” This is all, and it is as simple as can be; yet -people will mumble and stammer and stumble through an introduction as -if it were the most difficult of performances. If the object or subject -of an introduction is a sister, brother, or parent, do not say, as many -do—Miss Smith, my brother, or my sister, naming the relation only; but -say always—Miss Smith, my brother, Mr. Brown. This rule is in view of the -fact that the introducer’s name is not always familiar to the object. -Never mention the name of the subject first. When introducing extend -the right or left hand as a gesture towards the person whom you are -introducing. - -It is important to make introductions carefully and at the proper time. -Do not suffer a person with whom you are acquainted to remain in your -own party without introducing him to every member of that party. When -talking to a person, and joined by a third, immediately introduce. The -rules of introduction should be strictly observed in regard to ladies. -As much as possible avoid introducing on the street, and when doing -so do not stop the objective persons, but join them as explained in -Section 4, Actions Outdoors, whether lady or gentleman, and present the -subject while walking. Do not introduce to young ladies under age without -the chaperon’s or guardian’s consent, and ladies of age without their -approval having first been received. Do not present or attempt to present -a man of whose character or reputation you are doubtful; for thousands of -serious results have been thus occasioned. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -PROPOSING - - -A gentleman, when he is sure that his attachment to a lady has attained -perfection, and is positive of being ever afterward so attached to her as -to permit of no disturbance of that affection by force of circumstances, -may then and only then have the right of asking for her hand in marriage. -It is a much-mooted question whether a gentleman should ask the parents’ -or guardian’s consent to the proposal, if the young lady or himself -or both are under age. If we follow the continental rule, this is the -proper action in the matter. This course is certainly more honorable. -It matters not which parent is first consulted, though the father is -preferred. The parent, or parents, or guardian may be consulted in person -or by letter. After their consent has been gained, the proposal is made -to the woman chosen. If she refuses, then nothing more on the subject -need be said till subsequent proposals are attempted. A refusal need not -be reported to the parents or guardians. If she accepts, he immediately -informs them. If both parties are of age, or independent, it is not -essential to a proposal that parents or guardians should be consulted. - - -HOW TO PROPOSE - -Remember that you are a gentleman, and success will be yours if the lady -possesses any love or affection in her heart for you. It is best not to -force your suit upon a woman, for such engagements often cause either a -breaking of the engagement between the parties, or unhappiness to both. -It is far better to undergo the pain of a refusal for the time being, -and endeavor to gain her affection afterward in view of another and more -successful trial. - -Never propose in any way but in person. Letters are very poor mediums of -the affection; besides, a woman prefers personal tenders of affection. -When you propose, never do so unless alone with the lady, either in-doors -or out, but not in public, when promenading, driving, or riding, or on -any occasion where she cannot give you her undivided attention. - -A proposal is, next to a marriage, the most important event in a man’s -life, and, if looked favorably upon by the woman, is such also in her -life. Therefore take plenty of time to think over the seriousness of the -step; consider how much interest the lady has previously shown in you, -and the result to your feelings if refused. - -If a lady appears uncertain in her answer, you can depend upon it that -she is weighing in golden scales the results, the strength of her own -affection; and, above all, you may justly and correctly construe that the -greater cause of her hesitation is uncertainty of your regard for her, -whether true of the heart, or falsely stated. For no woman cares to have -a man know that she entertains affection for him unless she is confident -he will appreciate it. Thus if it be not a positive refusal, but -hesitation only, always be determined, and decide for her by describing -the happiness that only you could furnish her. These arguments, if -anything would avail, will help to strengthen and control her decision. - -Always plead your cause with eyes and speech only. When accepted it is -left to the option of the suitor as to what mode of procedure will best -express his delight and happiness. But perhaps for those of timid and -bashful nature it is advisable to suggest a standard course of action, -viz.: when the lady replies affirmatively, immediately clasp her in your -arms; this is not, for true lovers, a very embarrassing position. Let the -embrace be gentle, simply to signify and give strength and proof of your -affectionate expressions prior to the acceptance. - -Always stand when proposing, as it lends dignity to the occasion and -allows of more freedom in expressing the feelings; besides, it savors of -very little earnestness to remain in any other attitude while making so -important a confession. - -Before proposing it would be best to ascertain how the lady regards you -in any particular light. If she speaks favorably of any one of your -fascinations, then on that foundation you may attempt to build your -future happiness. Do not propose in an uncertain manner, bashfully, or -yet too boldly. Be serious, desirous, and speak to the point; confess all -your feelings, state everything correctly and truly, and in as telling -language as you can possibly command. Do not laugh or smile, or cause it -to appear an amusing matter. It would be utterly impossible to illustrate -the language of proposals, for many and varied are the methods employed -and the language used. But if a gentleman adheres to all I have stated -on the subject, it will only be fate which will prevent the fulfilment -of his anticipations. A gentleman never makes free with the lady, at the -time of the acceptance, beyond the conditions stated herein. And from the -moment she accepts him, through all her life he must be constant in his -attention to her. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -PRESENTS - - -Under the general head of presents is classed anything given to another -at one’s own expense. Give presents to your own family, relatives, -_fiancée_, or very old friends, but not to mere acquaintances. - -SECTION 1. Flowers, though short-lived, are nevertheless the most -beautiful gift one person can make to another. It shows taste and a love -of nature, and nothing finds more appreciation in the hearts of womankind -than flowers. Be careful in your selection; suit the color and quality -to the taste and dress of the lady. Have them tastily laid in a box, -loosely, if merely as a favor; but if for a dance or entertainment, the -best way is to gather the flowers loosely half-way down the stems, and -tie with ribbon harmonizing in color, placing at the end of the bouquet -a bunch of leaves to hide the stems. Always send the flowers in a box; -do not carry them to the lady yourself—if in a hurry, call a messenger. -Flowers may be sent to any lady, married or maiden, but never send them -as a wedding present. When desirous of sending flowers to a lady with -whom you are about to attend an affair, first ascertain whether she -desires to wear flowers, and the color of the gown she intends wearing. -It is hardly the fashion nowadays to carry hand-bouquets; only loose -flowers to be worn on the dress should be sent. - -2. Jewelry should be given as seldom as possible outside of your own -family, dear relatives, or _fiancée_. If given to others, it should be -very small, cost little, and not be too elaborate; having merely enough -beauty about it to convey the feeling and intention of the gift. A costly -present of this class is seldom appreciated as it should be, unless it is -given to a lady who stands, or intends to stand, in a very dear position -towards you, or to a gentleman friend of long standing and sincere -friendship. The only exception allowable for costly gifts of jewelry -outside of those rules already stated is in cases of marriage; where -the act of presentation of jewels would furnish no ground of suspicion -further than extravagance. Whether for a wedding or an ordinary gift, -jewelry should always be sent in a box from the store direct, or by -messenger; never present it in person. And when calling subsequently -refuse the acceptation of thanks. - -3. For bon-bons and elaborate boxes, also for articles not classed as -jewelry, a much more lenient rule is applied. In fact, except for mere -acquaintances, a present of this kind may be given to any one, friend or -relative, married or unmarried. These, too, are not to be delivered in -person, but sent with card from store or by messenger. In such presents, -as in others, taste and fine judgment should be exercised. To a gift of -any kind whatsoever an answer should not be expected for three days. - -4. Photographs should never be solicited from a mere acquaintance. Wait -till you know a lady well before asking for her likeness. No gentleman -should be allowed to possess, nor should he seek to possess, a lady’s -picture without first having met her at least seven times. He must -first so establish his friendship with her that when he asks for her -likeness she cannot justly use the common expression that “he must have -her photograph for fear he might forget her face,” but would understand -that his desire for it comes straight from the heart, and not with the -intention of adding to a variety collection. And it is also unnecessary -to comply with a like request from the lady till of fast acquaintance. -An exchange of photographs is generally the safest way of overcoming any -doubt which may arise in your mind as to the disposition which the lady -will make of your picture, for then the maxim can be applied—“It’s a poor -rule which can’t work both ways.” - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -GENERAL POLITENESS - - -SECTION 1. A gentleman should always be perfectly polite with his social -inferiors, no matter how he may be brought in contact with them, whether -he meets them in company with his equals or inferiors, or if alone. -For though your inferiors, they deserve respect, and a deviation from -politeness on their account would cause your politeness towards equals -to appear false, a shield to your true manner. Always be polite to your -inferiors, and it naturally follows that you will be politeness itself -with your equals. A gentleman has no superiors. - -Politeness is called for in every turn a gentleman may make, whether -among ladies or gentlemen, or inferiors, in society or in business, among -relatives, acquaintances, friends, or strangers. - -2. An insult is not to be recognized when offered by an inferior; pay no -attention to such, unless it is followed by violence, or when it places -you in an awkward position in presence of equals, and even then, if -from one decidedly inferior, or a woman, do not return it, but summon -the agents of the law to rid you of the nuisance. If an equal, it is at -your own option whether or not you resent the insult, which can be done -by the use of irony; thus, though an implied return of the insult, your -resentment is on its face politeness itself. Duels are not allowable -in America, and seldom in any country. A deadly insult is now usually -looked upon by society as a just cause of expulsion of the insulter from -its ranks, as no longer worthy of the name of gentleman; for modern -society is more just than the society in the days of knighthood, when -a gross insult would be looked upon with favor, as but a preliminary -to a test of skill at arms. All the remedy a gentleman has in this age -is either an apology from his opponent, or the future avoidance and -non-recognition of him, or, in extreme cases, a resort to the law. - -3. The most indifferent, collected, firm, and _blasé_ of society men are -susceptible to embarrassments. No matter how sure you may be of being -proof against them, there always comes a time when the firm foundation is -undermined by a sudden inpour of unforeseen circumstances, which brings -your guarded and fortified walls of conceit and coolness to earth, -and tends to humble your pride. Now, many society men hold that a man -should never become embarrassed under any circumstances. Not so; there -are instances where to remain unmoved and indifferent to embarrassment -would show an uncultured exercise of politeness. For example, how -could a gentleman, having spoken to his companion of a third party in -an insulting manner, refrain from embarrassment when that companion -subsequently turns up and presents the third person, who thereupon -reproaches him for his prior insinuation and insult? Yet in ninety-nine -cases out of every hundred the gentle and polite society men remain -unmoved and unembarrassed, making excuses and stating falsely. Yet they -leave impressions of impoliteness and rudeness upon the minds of their -victims. Suit the necessity of embarrassment to the occasion. Only if he -has shown marked impoliteness or rudeness, or both, need a gentleman show -concern subsequent to his remark or manner. - -4. Temper is the last subject for discussion here; but it is not by any -means the least in importance. In fact, if it were not for a proper -control and exercise of temper, there would hardly be necessity for -elucidating half the subjects already so defined. The temper should never -be displayed under circumstances pertaining to society proper. That is, -to your equals a tranquil nature and manner should always be shown, no -matter how trying the position. To inferiors temper should not be shown -while in sight or hearing of equals, and even when alone with servants -or agents only in case of breach of duty, and then should merely be -shown sufficiently far to make a reprimand more severe. In fact there -are so many remedies for circumstances tending to rouse the temper that -it should be done away with as a bad habit. When you do so far forget -your politeness as to allow the temper to rise, be sure that it is not -directed to a lady. - -[Illustration] - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -VISITING - - -A gentleman should as seldom as possible offer a regret for an invitation -to visit, and when doing so must see that his excuse is a good one. -Only business, traveling, and sickness are sufficiently strong causes -of refusal. To offer a poor excuse is to cause a suspicion of a dislike -on your part for the inviter, his or her family or home, or perhaps -that you are too little interested in the whole affair to bother about -visiting the person. Such poor excuses, though apparently sufficient -in your judgment, not only appear weak to the inviters, but cause -them to neglect you in the future in respect to visiting. Of course, -if you are visiting or about to visit, an excuse to that effect is -sufficient, provided you explain that the invitation you have accepted -was received and acknowledged prior to the one which you are regretting. -Your excuse, when a good one, should be strong, sincere, and regretfully -expressed, and, above all, never hint that you will be at liberty for -a visit later, or at some future date. There is such a thing as being -too indifferent in a regret to an invitation, and also such a thing as -showing in a regret too deep an interest or anxiety to accept. And this -latter is bad enough without being accompanied by broad hints. If the -first invitation was sincere and the inviter really desired your company, -you may be sure a second attempt will be made and another invitation -issued. When accepting an invitation, it is best to adhere strictly to -your acceptation of the kindness and express such in sincere terms. Do -not be too effusive, but to the point, for an acceptance is not a letter -and should therefore be short and formal. If a regret, the rule may be -reversed, as, not intending to visit, you are justified in substituting -a letter, whereas acceptances are followed by the visit, and a lengthy -epistle would be unnecessary. - -After having accepted an invitation, be sure to take with you a -sufficient supply of clothes for variety, and also that you may be -prepared for emergencies or a prolongation of your visit. It is very rude -and impolite to inquire in your note of acceptance as to the length of -time of stay. You may depend upon it that no person having any knowledge -of society would invite you for, at the most, more than a week, and if -longer the inviter would acquaint you of the fact in the invitation. But -for a week or less the inviter would neglect to mention any given time -of stay. But it should be understood that at the close of the second day -the visitor is to remark upon his departure as fixed for the following -day; then if the host or hostess desire your presence for a longer -period, they will express themselves to that effect. It is safer always -to take one week’s supply of linen, in view of such an expression from -them. Of course these rules only apply to formal invitations between -friends of long standing, but who have been more or less separated, or -friends of late acknowledgment, or perhaps, in rare instances, mere -acquaintances, and have nothing whatever to do with fast friendship, -where it would be absolutely impossible to govern the parties in their -manner of recognizing and accepting or regretting invitations, and their -actions subsequent to their arrival at the place of visitation. Such -an invitation is controlled generally by the mutual acquiescence and -approval of the parties, and is too informal to be considered under the -head of formal customs. - -Therefore to adhere strictly to the essential rules for a formal visitor: - -A gentleman should make it a rule to be punctual to the time set for -his arrival, be it morning, afternoon, or evening. When expected in -the morning for breakfast, and the place of visit is out of town, if -he arrives at his destination earlier than to his knowledge the family -are accustomed to rise, then he should occupy himself in some way till -it is time to put in an appearance, that he may be received by the -host or hostess at a reasonable hour. The first duty of a visitor is -to be punctual to breakfast every morning during his stay; and more -too, he should never fail to precede the host or hostess or both (only -these), that he may be thus prepared to receive them with the usual -morning salutation. As to dinner, lunch, or supper, punctuality is not -considered, as, being in company with his entertainer, it would be hardly -possible for him to be dilatory. - -A gentleman should never wear a dressing gown or slippers outside of his -room, when visiting or otherwise. He should never enter the dining-room -till the host or hostess, or both, have preceded him. Table manners are -the same in visiting as at dinners at home and the like. - -After any meal be careful not to appear uneasy or dissatisfied with -the proceedings of your entertainer; and do not, no matter how great a -desire you may have, express opinions upon any arrangements, or suggest -any occupation for the consumption of time, without first being asked -for your advice or opinion; for very often the host or hostess is led -into doing that which but for your request, and the fact of your being a -visitor, they would never have thought of or desired to do; so be careful -always to control your desire to make suggestions. Let your conversation, -manners, and actions be ruled substantially as in calling. Never remain -astir after the host or hostess, or both, have retired, but ascend to -your own room coincidently with them and retire immediately. During a -visit a gentleman should acquiesce in everything requested of him by host -or hostess, unless his opinion is called for, when he should, in deciding -between his entertainers and others, speak freely but impartially; but if -possible always decline the honor of judge. - -Do not appear at ease or at home beyond the unembarrassed exercise of a -visitor’s duties, for such freedom may tend to cause dislike for you as -presuming on your liberties. - -A gentleman should not visit unless he be prepared, in case of -emergencies, for a request from the hostess, if the host is absent, -or from both if the host is himself incapable, to act the part of -table-host; and to do this he must be thoroughly versed in the art of -carving and serving the viands, and in other ways demeaning himself as is -essential to hosts. - -In fact, in going on a visit a gentleman should be proficient in its -many requirements. Such rules as are here laid down will be sufficient, -and will not fail in leading him safely through the minor branches of -politeness. - -FINIS. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Simplex Munditiis, Gentlemen, by -Mortimer Delano de Lannoy and Reginald Harvey Arnold - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS, GENTLEMEN *** - -***** This file should be named 56287-0.txt or 56287-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/6/2/8/56287/ - -Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive) - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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