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diff --git a/old/51546.txt b/old/51546.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 7cca40d..0000000 --- a/old/51546.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,564 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Handyman, by Frank Banta - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Handyman - -Author: Frank Banta - -Release Date: March 24, 2016 [EBook #51546] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HANDYMAN *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - HANDYman - - By FRANK BANTA - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Galaxy Magazine August 1962. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - - - - They didn't have to worry about a thing - for the rest of their natural lives.... - - -James Ypsilanti swung at the door with the steak cuber. Or was it -the cube steaker? No matter. The door was a good, hardwood door and -resisted his onslaught well. But time was on his side. - -He had the energy and the time, he knew, and sooner or later the door -would be kindling. - -It was the door to his room. It was evident to him that he did not need -the door to his room and that he _did_ need heat. In fact he had better -get some heat pretty soon--although he was keeping warm enough for the -present by beating on the door. So he would beat this door to kindling, -and then he would build a nice, cozy fire in the hall that would keep -him warm for a long time ... if he was stingy with his fuel. - -The carpenter came by. The carpenter was always coming by, except when -you wanted him, Jim realized. The carpenter was a mighty, mighty busy -fellow. - -The carpenter stopped short when he saw Jim demolishing the door. In -fact he came to a grinding halt. - -"Jim, why didn't you tell me!" - -"Carpenter, how was I to know where you were? Who can ever find you?" - -"I know Jim. Jim, you work so hard!" - -"Yes!" he said, pounding. - -"Take this hatchet, Jim. A hatchet is what you demolish doors with! -Good-by." The carpenter departed. - -James Ypsilanti swung on the door with his newly acquired hatchet. Soon -he was ready for his fire. He struck a match, and in no time had the -pile of varnished kindling blazing smokily in the hall. He held his -hands over the blaze. - -"Ah, good, good. Good." He closed his eyes. "What could be better than -this?" Then he opened them again regretfully. "It's dinner time. I'd -better fix it while I have my fire going." He hurried to the kitchen -and chose a can of eggs-bacon-and-pancakes from the massive stores. - - * * * * * - -Opening the large can, he heated it over his hall fire. Then he dumped -the contents on his tin plate and ate. - -"Murder," he thought somberly. "That's what I'm in for. Practically -murder with consent. She said she couldn't live without me. Margie -begged me to kill her, you might as well say. Good old Margie; a good -kid, but I killed her. And now.... Well, that's life!" He speared a -pancake. - -"Damn, but it's _cold_!" He threw an armload of wood on the fire and it -blazed up. "Sure wish these carpenters had feelings. My lord, they got -no feelings at all!" - -The carpenter arrived with a new hardwood door. Whistling cheerily, he -began to install it where the other one had just been hatcheted away. - -"Carpenter, that door won't be staying there long. I'm almost out of -fuel." - -"I hope you don't expect me to be surprised, Jim, if this door doesn't -last very long. The previous twenty-two doors at this location, -Jim, did not last very long either." Still whistling to himself, he -installed the last of the hinge screws. - -"Why don't you just _give_ me the doors, instead of causing yourself -all this work?" demanded James Ypsilanti. - -"'Inmates will not be issued materials,' Jim. I've quoted that section -of the rules to you many times, Jim." - -"But couldn't you just _lean_ the door up against the door jamb and -leave it?" argued the inmate. "You go to a ridiculous amount of -trouble." - -"It is not ridiculous, Jim. I am a carpenter, Jim. Good-by." - -After lunch, James Ypsilanti crawled into his escape tunnel. - -He liked to go in there every day and daydream. The tunnel ended -abortively at the wall of the prison, for the prison wall extended down -into solid bed rock for a meter, and it was fabricated of one-meter -thick compressed steel. It was the nearest thing to an exit that the -prison had. - -Officials had always come and gone through the massive, englobing wall -by matter transmitters. "Smarties couldn't find me though, when I was -in my escape tunnel," he chortled, as he stretched out in the cave -under the concrete. "They can walk through walls, but they couldn't -find _me_." Then his tone became baleful. "The smarties'll never find -me." - - * * * * * - -As James Ypsilanti chopped on the door next day, the carpenter stood -cheerily watching. - -"Carpenter, why don't you fix the damn heating plant? Then I wouldn't -have to be chopping up your doors all the time to keep warm." - -"I am a carpenter, Jim, not a heat-plant fixer, as you well know from -our previous negotiations on the subject." - -"What will you do, carpenter, when I have used up all your doors?" the -convict jibed. - -"Why, Jim, we will have to send out for some more," the carpenter -answered condescendingly. - -"Still, I wish you would let _me_ work on that heat plant," urged -Ypsilanti. "I might fix it." - -"'Inmates will not be permitted to disassemble or otherwise interfere -with the machinery of the institution,'" quoted the carpenter. "Need I -say more, Jim?" - -"Okay," said James Ypsilanti, resuming his destructive work on the new -door. "Scram, stupid." The carpenter departed. - -"That dope," Jim said between blows, "is even foggier in the head than -my lousy lawyer was, and that's going some." - -"Jim," said the carpenter, returning and sounding very pleased with -himself, "look here at what I have found, Jim." - -James Ypsilanti turned to look at what the carpenter held in his hand. -It was a carpenter's square sheathed in plastic. - -"Found enough of them to last me a lifetime, Jim," said the carpenter -complacently. "I'll never have to buy any." - -"No, you won't," agreed James Ypsilanti bitterly. "Can't you get it -into your head that you and I are the only ones left on Earth? After -the war the rest left. They couldn't _find_ us when they evacuated this -atomic-explosion wrecked planet, because we were in this escape-proof -jug. So they went away and _left_ us!" - -"I know, Jim." - -Ypsilanti studied the mobile features of the carpenter, searching -intently for a sign. - -But the carpenter robot strolled away, whistling. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Handyman, by Frank Banta - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HANDYMAN *** - -***** This file should be named 51546.txt or 51546.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/5/4/51546/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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