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diff --git a/old/51473.txt b/old/51473.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 19ddab4..0000000 --- a/old/51473.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1177 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Donkey, the Elephant, and the Goat, by -Jack Preston - - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - - -Title: The Donkey, the Elephant, and the Goat - At a Public Meeting - - -Author: Jack Preston - - - -Release Date: March 16, 2016 [eBook #51473] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) - - -***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DONKEY, THE ELEPHANT, AND THE -GOAT*** - - -E-text prepared by David Edwards, readbueno, and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from page images generously made -available by Internet Archive (https://archive.org) - - - -Note: Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive. See - https://archive.org/details/donkeyelephantgo00pres - - -Transcriber's note: - - Text enclosed by underscores is in italics (_italics_). - - Text enclosed by equal signs is in bold face (=bold=). - - - - - -THE DONKEY, THE ELEPHANT AND THE GOAT - -At A Public Meeting - -by - -J. P. BUSCHLEN - - - - - - - -Price Twenty-five Cents - - - * * * * * * - - _ANNOUNCEMENT_ - -This playlet, by virtue of its simple rime, may perhaps claim a small -share of that license granted to poets, in assuming that the Goat may at -this early stage of the game be taken as an emblem of the Farmers' and -Workers' political party, which is unfortunately not as yet quite a -fact, nationally. The right to present this discussion as a play, for -purposes of raising money, may be obtained only by writing to the -author, in care of Box 1625, Great Falls, Montana. The right to present -it free of charge, by way of assisting the farm and labor movement, is -hereby granted everyone who is in possession of a copy of the printed -booklet. - - THE AUTHOR. - -Great Falls, Montana, August, 1920. - - (Price Twenty-Five Cents.) - - * * * * * * - - -Copyright, 1920, by J. P. Buschlen -For Sale at Box 1625, Great Falls, Mont. - - - - - The Donkey, the Elephant - - and the Goat - - _At A Public Meeting_ - - By - - J. P. Buschlen - - - ELEPHANT - - You see me here, an elephant, - A symbol of the mighty-- - - - DONKEY - - The while you listen to his cant - Remember he is flighty.... - I come to you, a donkey wise, - With pedigree unlowly-- - - - ELEPHANT - - Beware this fellow's sleepy eyes - And manner smooth and holy.... - As Barnum used to say to me - When oft we strolled together, - "The people seem to like to be - Led round upon a tether." - And so, I see, I've got to speak - With these unwholesome creatures, - Since you, dear folks, have been so weak - As to invite such preachers. - - - DONKEY - - If I may but inject a word, - I think it most plebe'an - To class me with a goat. Absurd! - - - GOAT - - A mule is always mean. - - - ELEPHANT - - When P. T. bade me fond adieu, - Good people, I departed - To where I could be serving you - More whole-and-single hearted; - I packed my grip and trumpeted - The news of my arrival, - That you might follow where I led - And join a great revival. - - - DONKEY - - His boastful manner ill becomes - A thing of such proportions. - - - ELEPHANT - - I made this land a world of homes-- - - - GOAT - - And laws with strange contortions. - - - DONKEY - - I do not wish to interpose, - But, sir, you are addressing - A body whom we may suppose - Would call your death a blessing. - If you could boast a lineage - Like mine, you might be pardoned - For occupying all the stage - And holding views so hardened. - - - GOAT - - I'm glad I'm but a simple goat - With humble beard and frocking; - My people were of little note-- - - - ELEPHANT - - I think, sir, I was talking. - And I would have it understood - That I will put my prestige - Against a Southern neighborhood, - Or aught of Southern vestige. - Besides, if Noah didn't lie, - The morning he went arking, - My wife and family and I - Were also there, embarking. - I'd grudge the honor to a goat, - But this presumptive donkey, - Although he gets the southern vote, - Descended from a monkey. - - - GOAT - - In view of what I've done to you - I forego the distinction - Of being dragged the ages through - From ape to near-extinction. - - - ELEPHANT - - If I would seem, as Mule implies, - Inclined myself to flatter, - Is not some credit due to size - And to a good standpatter? - Has not the jungle that I rule - Been growing more efficient? - Go ask most any knave or fool - And get you proof sufficient! - - - DONKEY - - You seem the fact to quite ignore, - You tusky, trunky sinner, - That I have been in power; what's more - Will be again the winner. - - - GOAT - - Come now, we'll get nowhere with this-- - Why not attack the issue, - And tell the people how it is - We're made of diff'rent tissue? - - - DONKEY - - We are indeed, and that's a fact - For which I'm truly grateful; - - - ELEPHANT - - And so I am, to be exact. - (Aside to D.) This goat is very hateful. - - - DONKEY - - Your challenge, Goat, do I accept. - I represent a party - Which never through the years has slept - And still is hale and hearty. - - - GOAT - - How could it sleep when both its eyes - Were flirting with the bosses? - May not you later realize - Your gains were often losses?... - - - ELEPHANT - - If I may say a word or two - About this great Republic: - The party I have given you - Has made it's actions public; - No secret has it e'er denied - The masses it protected. - - - GOAT - - So ably has the rascal lied, - The ass is quite dejected. - - - ELEPHANT - - The best of old New England blood - Within its veins is flowing; - Its sons have fought for every good-- - - - GOAT - - Old grafter in the "showing." - - - ELEPHANT - - When donkeys in the cotton states - Were riding on the niggers - We cancelled all their riding dates-- - - - GOAT - - And made them all blind-piggers. - - - ELEPHANT - - We built a mighty commonwealth - Against great opposition, - Improving faith and moral health-- - - - DONKEY - - And fostering sedition! - I think it's time for me to speak, - In patriotic phrases: - To sit in silence here were weak, - The while himself he praises. - The party that I represent - And have the voice and manner - To here so faithfully present, - Has carried high its banner. - From fine old Southern gentle stock - Its stalwarts have arisen-- - - - GOAT - - To better populate the dock, - The army and the prison. - - - DONKEY - - We would have won the Civil War-- - - - GOAT - - Had Palmer then existed-- - - - DONKEY - - But several southerners were for - The armies that resisted. - For office we have never run - A man who lacked in breeding, - As these Republicans have done, - Their low traditions heeding. - And did not we, the Democrats, - Win out against the German, - When all the world was dogs and cats--? - - - GOAT - - And soldiers fought the vermin? - - - ELEPHANT - - Good donkey, we have had enough - Of your election wheezing; - Besides, that ancient family-stuff - Has got the goat, here, sneezing-- - And when a thing's too strong for one - So strong for Townley jingo, - I think it time that you had done - With your disgusting lingo. - - - GOAT - - Again I beg to urge you two - That you confine your phrases - To what you've done and aim to do - To earn the people's praises. - - - ELEPHANT - - I've done as much as one could wish - Since Wilson ruled the nation-- - - - DONKEY - - He shows the judgment of a fish - In his absurd inflation. - - - ELEPHANT - - All eyes are fixed on me, I say, - Nor will I disappoint them; - With thanks will I their faith repay-- - - - GOAT - - And oily words anoint them. - - - ELEPHANT - - I'll bring back Lincoln from the grave, - Converting all the Palmers; - The world for business will I save-- - - - GOAT - - And jail the blasted farmers. - - - DONKEY - - When I again am called to reign, - As I will be this autumn, - I'll show you men of brawn and brain-- - - - GOAT - - Obeying them who bought 'em. - - - DONKEY - - I'll rule with e'en a firmer hand - Than you have seen me doing, - And make the alien understand-- - - - GOAT - - His blood requires blueing.... - Now look here, boys, the audience - Is patiently awaiting - A dozen facts, a little sense-- - You've done enough bull-baiting. - Give them the thing you're standing for-- - They're standing for aplenty!-- - - - DONKEY - - I'd like to now discuss the war-- - - - ELEPHANT - - He rambles on like Henty! - - - DONKEY - - We showed the flag to every land, - We swept the boundless ocean, - And yet we never showed our hand, - Nor truckled to emotion. - We made the foreigner behave, - The mighty and the small; and - We sent the Kaiser to his grave-- - - - GOAT - - I thought he was in Holland? - - - DONKEY - - We made the pacifists obey - Our able war-directors, - And handled things without delay-- - - - GOAT - - Especially war-objectors. - - - ELEPHANT - - We grant you this to brag about, - But when our party's saddled - We'll give you ample room for doubt-- - - - GOAT - - On issues ably straddled. - - - ELEPHANT - - I think you'll then admit that while - You did what you were able, - You lacked our more successful wile - In keeping business stable. - - - GOAT - - Your windy generalities - Have left the country gasping-- - - - DONKEY - - He's started in again to wheeze! - - - ELEPHANT - - His voice is very rasping! - - - GOAT - - You've camouflaged the issue, boys, - As people are perceiving, - With waving flags and vocal noise-- - - - ELEPHANT - - (To D.) His whiskers are deceiving! - - - GOAT - - The cry is for a loaf of bread-- - You offer but a promise; - The methods you employ are dead-- - - - DONKEY - - (To E.) He'd take our living from us! - - - GOAT - - You're living in a day gone by, - Oblivious of the present, - While women weep and children die-- - - - ELEPHANT - - He's getting most unpleasant! - - - GOAT - - The world is full of concrete needs, - And this land's no exception, - Of problems that will yield to deeds - But never to deception. - I've sat here list'ning to the views - That you have ventilated: - Now maybe for the sake of news - You'll hear =my= doctrine stated? - - - DONKEY - - I cannot see how anything - A billygoat might proffer - Could any new idea bring? - - - ELEPHANT - - 'Tis not a legal offer. - - - DONKEY - - And while about it might I say, - I fail of comprehending - Just why this meeting here today - Has been so condescending - As to invite, with you and me, - Dear tusky friend, this creature - So lacking in camaraderie - And so uncouth of feature! - - - ELEPHANT - - Indeed I cannot but agree, - Dear Donkey, with your premise, - And much I doubt that you should see - =Me= weeping at his demise. - - - GOAT - - Are these the gentlemen we saw - So recently atussle, - Inventing words, within the law, - Each other's goat to hustle? - How strange that at a word of mine - They swing around together? - You will, perhaps, recall a line - That mentions "birds o' feather." - - - DONKEY - - The atmosphere is getting close-- - Will some one draw the curtain? - - - ELEPHANT - - (Whispering) I wonder does he just suppose, - Or does he know for certain? - - - GOAT - - If I'm beyond your courtesy, - I still have vocal powers, - So lend those mighty ears to me - For half a dozen hours. - I know that I am but a goat - All battered by the weather, - But in this land I have a vote, - And I won't sell it, ne'ther! - I represent a class of men - And women who have struggled - Against the tide, while you have been - "Retained" and dined and--juggled. - While you and yours have raked the gold - We've raked the burning stubble; - While we lay frozen in the cold - You froze our chances double. - We went to you for years and years - In bitter anguish pleading: - You answered us with silent jeers - And left us bruised and bleeding. - As long as mortals could endure - We stood your joint oppression, - And then we sought and found a cure-- - Which now is your obsession. - - - DONKEY - - A cure, he says, a cure--ha! ha! - He means to say affliction! - - - ELEPHANT - - A goat can only bunt and bah, - Its wisdom is a fiction! - - - GOAT - - You see, you will not challenge me, - You merely hurl invective; - You fear the home-made guns that we - Have turned on our objective. - Well, be it so, I still can speak, - As long as ears will listen, - And give you facts to fill your beak, - O birds I cannot christen! - Where I was born we give the farms - And homes to those who need them; - We have a method that disarms - The man who would misdeed them. - We make the law the advocate - Of common people, mainly, - By placing it =beneath= the state, - Where it can serve humanely. - We guard the tiller of the soil - Before the speculator; - The man who lives on others' toil - We count a second-rater. - The state is servant to the mass-- - I don't go much on Nietzsche, - And so the Elephant and Ass - Are anxious to impeach me! - But where, O symbols of the wise - In statesmanship and honor, - Were nations ever known to rise - Who catered to a donor? - What people ever reached the heights - Of art and all we cherish, - By local threats and foreign fights? - Their fate is but to perish! - The only thing that made this land - As great as we have found it, - Was justice to whatever band - Saw fit to cluster round it. - Our fathers met them at the shore, - The stranger and wayfarer, - And gave them all they asked, and more-- - Became their burden-bearer. - But now how different it is! - The timid voice that raises - A feeble cry for what is his - Gets hustled off to Blazes! - - - DONKEY - - He very much exaggerates, - And what atrocious wording! - - - ELEPHANT - - He merely bellows, bahs and bleats-- - A habit formed in herding. - - - GOAT - - The workers that I represent - Are not of one vocation, - But every one who earns a cent - Has there an invitation. - The platform that we stand upon - Is not a sheet of paper, - A speech about the rosy dawn, - A song of purple vapor; - You'll find it in the farmer's home, - And on the worker's table, - Where mortgagers would like to come-- - If only they were able. - You'll find it in the common school, - The mine, the shop, the kitchen, - And where the wheat's begun to stool, - And Hi the Ford is hitchin'. - You'll find it, Brother Elephant, - In frigid North Dakota, - Where "Frazier, Ladd and Townley can't - Affect us one iota!" - You'll find it, Donkey, on the flood, - If you've a will to find it, - And if your promises are good - You'll get right in behind it! - - - DONKEY - - (To the Elephant) The interview is at an end - So far as I'm concerned. - - - ELEPHANT - - (To the Donkey) And as for me, my dearest friend, - The meeting is adjourned. - (Donkey and Elephant shake hands and go - offstage together.) - - - GOAT - - Good citizens, the hour is late, - And you are doubtless tired; - I leave you to your bitter fate, - Since Jack and Jill retired. - But may I urge before you go: - Preserve that sense of humor, - For often it will serve to show - The folly of a rumor! - A laugh will often kill a lie, - Where sermons fail completely; - So let us laugh until we die-- - And even then smile sweetly. - - - - - * * * * * * - - - - -Transcriber's note: - -The cover image was created by the transcriber and is placed in the -public domain. - -Accentuation, punctuation and spelling as per the original text. - - - -***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DONKEY, THE ELEPHANT, AND THE -GOAT*** - - -******* This file should be named 51473.txt or 51473.zip ******* - - -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: -http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/5/1/4/7/51473 - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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