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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it -under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this -eBook or online at <a -href="http://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you are not -located in the United States, you'll have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this ebook.</p> -<p>Title: The Donkey, the Elephant, and the Goat</p> -<p> At a Public Meeting</p> -<p>Author: Jack Preston</p> -<p>Release Date: March 16, 2016 [eBook #51473]</p> -<p>Language: English</p> -<p>Character set encoding: UTF-8</p> -<p>***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DONKEY, THE ELEPHANT, AND THE GOAT***</p> -<p> </p> -<h4 class="nf-center">E-text prepared by David Edwards, readbueno,<br /> - and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team<br /> - (<a href="http://www.pgdp.net">http://www.pgdp.net</a>)<br /> - from page images generously made available by<br /> - Internet Archive<br /> - (<a href="https://archive.org">https://archive.org</a>)</h4> -<p> </p> -<table border="0" style="background-color: #ccccff;margin: 0 auto;" cellpadding="10"> - <tr> - <td valign="top"> - Note: - </td> - <td> - Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive. See - <a href="https://archive.org/details/donkeyelephantgo00pres"> - https://archive.org/details/donkeyelephantgo00pres</a> - </td> - </tr> -</table> -<p> </p> -<hr class="full" /> -<p> </p> -<p> </p> -<p> </p> - -<div class='figcenter id001'> -<img src='images/cover.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c000' /> -</div> -<div> - <a id='Page_I'></a> - <h1 class='c001'>The Donkey, The Elephant<br />and The Goat<br /> <br /><i>At A Public Meeting</i></h1> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c002'> - <div>By</div> - <div class='c000'>J. P. BUSCHLEN</div> - <div class='c002'>Price Twenty-five Cents</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c003'> - <div><a id='Page_1'></a><i>ANNOUNCEMENT</i></div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c004'>This playlet, by virtue of its simple -rime, may perhaps claim a small -share of that license granted to poets, -in assuming that the Goat may at this early -stage of the game be taken as an emblem of -the Farmers' and Workers' political party, -which is unfortunately not as yet quite a fact, -nationally. The right to present this discussion -as a play, for purposes of raising money, may be -obtained only by writing to the author, in -care of Box 1625, Great Falls, Montana. -The right to present it free of charge, by -way of assisting the farm and labor movement, -is hereby granted everyone who is in -possession of a copy of the printed booklet.</p> -<div class='c005'>THE AUTHOR.</div> - -<p class='c004'>Great Falls, Montana, August, 1920.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>(Price Twenty-Five Cents.)</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c003'> - <div><a id='Page_2'></a>Copyright, 1920, By J. P. BUSCHLEN</div> - <div>For Sale at Box 1625, Great Falls, Mont.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <a id='Page_3'></a> - <h2 class='c006'></h2> -</div> -<p class='c007'><span class='xlarge'>The Donkey, the Elephant</span></p> -<p class='c008'><span class='xlarge'>and the Goat</span></p> -<p class='c009'><span class='large'><i>At A Public Meeting</i></span></p> - -<p class='c009'>By</p> - -<p class='c009'>J. P. Buschlen</p> -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>You see me here, an elephant,</div> - <div class='line in4'>A symbol of the mighty--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>The while you listen to his cant</div> - <div class='line in4'>Remember he is flighty....</div> - <div class='line'>I come to you, a donkey wise,</div> - <div class='line in4'>With pedigree unlowly--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Beware this fellow's sleepy eyes</div> - <div class='line in4'>And manner smooth and holy....</div> - <div class='line'>As Barnum used to say to me</div> - <div class='line in4'>When oft we strolled together,</div> - <div class='line'>"The people seem to like to be</div> - <div class='line in4'>Led round upon a tether."</div> - <div class='line'>And so, I see, I've got to speak</div> - <div class='line in4'>With these unwholesome creatures,</div> - <div class='line'>Since you, dear folks, have been so weak</div> - <div class='line in4'>As to invite such preachers.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>If I may but inject a word,</div> - <div class='line in4'>I think it most plebe'an</div> - <div class='line'>To class me with a goat. Absurd!</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'><a id='Page_4'></a>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>A mule is always mean.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>When P. T. bade me fond adieu,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Good people, I departed</div> - <div class='line'>To where I could be serving you</div> - <div class='line in4'>More whole-and-single hearted;</div> - <div class='line'>I packed my grip and trumpeted</div> - <div class='line in4'>The news of my arrival,</div> - <div class='line'>That you might follow where I led</div> - <div class='line in4'>And join a great revival.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>His boastful manner ill becomes</div> - <div class='line in4'>A thing of such proportions.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>I made this land a world of homes--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>And laws with strange contortions.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>I do not wish to interpose,</div> - <div class='line in4'>But, sir, you are addressing</div> - <div class='line'>A body whom we may suppose</div> - <div class='line in4'>Would call your death a blessing.</div> - <div class='line'>If you could boast a lineage</div> - <div class='line in4'>Like mine, you might be pardoned</div> - <div class='line'>For occupying all the stage</div> - <div class='line in4'>And holding views so hardened.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>I'm glad I'm but a simple goat</div> - <div class='line in4'>With humble beard and frocking;</div> - <div class='line'>My people were of little note--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><a id='Page_5'></a>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>I think, sir, I was talking.</div> - <div class='line'>And I would have it understood</div> - <div class='line in4'>That I will put my prestige</div> - <div class='line'>Against a Southern neighborhood,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Or aught of Southern vestige.</div> - <div class='line'>Besides, if Noah didn't lie,</div> - <div class='line in4'>The morning he went arking,</div> - <div class='line'>My wife and family and I</div> - <div class='line in4'>Were also there, embarking.</div> - <div class='line'>I'd grudge the honor to a goat,</div> - <div class='line in4'>But this presumptive donkey,</div> - <div class='line'>Although he gets the southern vote,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Descended from a monkey.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>In view of what I've done to you</div> - <div class='line in4'>I forego the distinction</div> - <div class='line'>Of being dragged the ages through</div> - <div class='line in4'>From ape to near-extinction.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>If I would seem, as Mule implies,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Inclined myself to flatter,</div> - <div class='line'>Is not some credit due to size</div> - <div class='line in4'>And to a good standpatter?</div> - <div class='line'>Has not the jungle that I rule</div> - <div class='line in4'>Been growing more efficient?</div> - <div class='line'>Go ask most any knave or fool</div> - <div class='line in4'>And get you proof sufficient!</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>You seem the fact to quite ignore,</div> - <div class='line in4'>You tusky, trunky sinner,</div> - <div class='line'>That I have been in power; what's more</div> - <div class='line in4'>Will be again the winner.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'><a id='Page_6'></a>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Come now, we'll get nowhere with this--</div> - <div class='line in4'>Why not attack the issue,</div> - <div class='line'>And tell the people how it is</div> - <div class='line in4'>We're made of diff'rent tissue?</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>We are indeed, and that's a fact</div> - <div class='line in4'>For which I'm truly grateful;</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>And so I am, to be exact.</div> - <div class='line in4'>(Aside to D.) This goat is very hateful.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Your challenge, Goat, do I accept.</div> - <div class='line in4'>I represent a party</div> - <div class='line'>Which never through the years has slept</div> - <div class='line in4'>And still is hale and hearty.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>How could it sleep when both its eyes</div> - <div class='line in4'>Were flirting with the bosses?</div> - <div class='line'>May not you later realize</div> - <div class='line in4'>Your gains were often losses?...</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>If I may say a word or two</div> - <div class='line in4'>About this great Republic:</div> - <div class='line'>The party I have given you</div> - <div class='line in4'>Has made it's actions public;</div> - <div class='line'>No secret has it e'er denied</div> - <div class='line in4'>The masses it protected.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>So ably has the rascal lied,</div> - <div class='line in4'>The ass is quite dejected.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><a id='Page_7'></a>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>The best of old New England blood</div> - <div class='line in4'>Within its veins is flowing;</div> - <div class='line'>Its sons have fought for every good--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>Old grafter in the "showing."</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>When donkeys in the cotton states</div> - <div class='line in4'>Were riding on the niggers</div> - <div class='line'>We cancelled all their riding dates--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>And made them all blind-piggers.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>We built a mighty commonwealth</div> - <div class='line in4'>Against great opposition,</div> - <div class='line'>Improving faith and moral health--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>And fostering sedition!</div> - <div class='line'>I think it's time for me to speak,</div> - <div class='line in4'>In patriotic phrases:</div> - <div class='line'>To sit in silence here were weak,</div> - <div class='line in4'>The while himself he praises.</div> - <div class='line'>The party that I represent</div> - <div class='line in4'>And have the voice and manner</div> - <div class='line'>To here so faithfully present,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Has carried high its banner.</div> - <div class='line'>From fine old Southern gentle stock</div> - <div class='line in4'>Its stalwarts have arisen--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>To better populate the dock,</div> - <div class='line in4'>The army and the prison.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>We would have won the Civil War--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'><a id='Page_8'></a>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>Had Palmer then existed--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>But several southerners were for</div> - <div class='line in4'>The armies that resisted.</div> - <div class='line'>For office we have never run</div> - <div class='line in4'>A man who lacked in breeding,</div> - <div class='line'>As these Republicans have done,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Their low traditions heeding.</div> - <div class='line'>And did not we, the Democrats,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Win out against the German,</div> - <div class='line'>When all the world was dogs and cats--?</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>And soldiers fought the vermin?</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Good donkey, we have had enough</div> - <div class='line in4'>Of your election wheezing;</div> - <div class='line'>Besides, that ancient family-stuff</div> - <div class='line in4'>Has got the goat, here, sneezing--</div> - <div class='line'>And when a thing's too strong for one</div> - <div class='line in4'>So strong for Townley jingo,</div> - <div class='line'>I think it time that you had done</div> - <div class='line in4'>With your disgusting lingo.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Again I beg to urge you two</div> - <div class='line in4'>That you confine your phrases</div> - <div class='line'>To what you've done and aim to do</div> - <div class='line in4'>To earn the people's praises.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>I've done as much as one could wish</div> - <div class='line in4'>Since Wilson ruled the nation--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><a id='Page_9'></a>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>He shows the judgment of a fish</div> - <div class='line in4'>In his absurd inflation.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>All eyes are fixed on me, I say,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Nor will I disappoint them;</div> - <div class='line'>With thanks will I their faith repay--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>And oily words anoint them.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>I'll bring back Lincoln from the grave,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Converting all the Palmers;</div> - <div class='line'>The world for business will I save--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>And jail the blasted farmers.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>When I again am called to reign,</div> - <div class='line in4'>As I will be this autumn,</div> - <div class='line'>I'll show you men of brawn and brain--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>Obeying them who bought 'em.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>I'll rule with e'en a firmer hand</div> - <div class='line in4'>Than you have seen me doing,</div> - <div class='line'>And make the alien understand--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>His blood requires blueing....</div> - <div class='line'>Now look here, boys, the audience</div> - <div class='line in4'>Is patiently awaiting</div> - <div class='line'>A dozen facts, a little sense--</div> - <div class='line in4'>You've done enough bull-baiting.</div> - <div class='line'>Give them the thing you're standing for--</div> - <div class='line in4'>They're standing for aplenty!--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><a id='Page_10'></a>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>I'd like to now discuss the war--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>He rambles on like Henty!</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>We showed the flag to every land,</div> - <div class='line in4'>We swept the boundless ocean,</div> - <div class='line'>And yet we never showed our hand,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Nor truckled to emotion.</div> - <div class='line'>We made the foreigner behave,</div> - <div class='line in4'>The mighty and the small; and</div> - <div class='line'>We sent the Kaiser to his grave--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>I thought he was in Holland?</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>We made the pacifists obey</div> - <div class='line in4'>Our able war-directors,</div> - <div class='line'>And handled things without delay--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>Especially war-objectors.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>We grant you this to brag about,</div> - <div class='line in4'>But when our party's saddled</div> - <div class='line'>We'll give you ample room for doubt--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>On issues ably straddled.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>I think you'll then admit that while</div> - <div class='line in4'>You did what you were able,</div> - <div class='line'>You lacked our more successful wile</div> - <div class='line in4'>In keeping business stable.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'><a id='Page_11'></a>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Your windy generalities</div> - <div class='line in4'>Have left the country gasping--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>He's started in again to wheeze!</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>His voice is very rasping!</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>You've camouflaged the issue, boys,</div> - <div class='line in4'>As people are perceiving,</div> - <div class='line'>With waving flags and vocal noise--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>(To D.) His whiskers are deceiving!</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>The cry is for a loaf of bread--</div> - <div class='line in4'>You offer but a promise;</div> - <div class='line'>The methods you employ are dead--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>(To E.) He'd take our living from us!</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>You're living in a day gone by,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Oblivious of the present,</div> - <div class='line'>While women weep and children die--</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>He's getting most unpleasant!</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>The world is full of concrete needs,</div> - <div class='line in4'>And this land's no exception,</div> - <div class='line'>Of problems that will yield to deeds</div> - <div class='line in4'>But never to deception.</div> - <div class='line'>I've sat here list'ning to the views</div> - <div class='line in4'>That you have ventilated:</div> - <div class='line'>Now maybe for the sake of news</div> - <div class='line in4'>You'll hear <b>my</b> doctrine stated?</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><a id='Page_12'></a>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>I cannot see how anything</div> - <div class='line in4'>A billygoat might proffer</div> - <div class='line'>Could any new idea bring?</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>'Tis not a legal offer.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>And while about it might I say,</div> - <div class='line in4'>I fail of comprehending</div> - <div class='line'>Just why this meeting here today</div> - <div class='line in4'>Has been so condescending</div> - <div class='line'>As to invite, with you and me,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Dear tusky friend, this creature</div> - <div class='line'>So lacking in camaraderie</div> - <div class='line in4'>And so uncouth of feature!</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Indeed I cannot but agree,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Dear Donkey, with your premise,</div> - <div class='line'>And much I doubt that you should see</div> - <div class='line in4'><b>Me</b> weeping at his demise.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Are these the gentlemen we saw</div> - <div class='line in4'>So recently atussle,</div> - <div class='line'>Inventing words, within the law,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Each other's goat to hustle?</div> - <div class='line'>How strange that at a word of mine</div> - <div class='line in4'>They swing around together?</div> - <div class='line'>You will, perhaps, recall a line</div> - <div class='line in4'>That mentions "birds o' feather."</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><a id='Page_13'></a>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>The atmosphere is getting close--</div> - <div class='line in4'>Will some one draw the curtain?</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>(Whispering) I wonder does he just suppose,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Or does he know for certain?</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>If I'm beyond your courtesy,</div> - <div class='line in4'>I still have vocal powers,</div> - <div class='line'>So lend those mighty ears to me</div> - <div class='line in4'>For half a dozen hours.</div> - <div class='line'>I know that I am but a goat</div> - <div class='line in4'>All battered by the weather,</div> - <div class='line'>But in this land I have a vote,</div> - <div class='line in4'>And I won't sell it, ne'ther!</div> - <div class='line'>I represent a class of men</div> - <div class='line in4'>And women who have struggled</div> - <div class='line'>Against the tide, while you have been</div> - <div class='line in4'>"Retained" and dined and--juggled.</div> - <div class='line'>While you and yours have raked the gold</div> - <div class='line in4'>We've raked the burning stubble;</div> - <div class='line'>While we lay frozen in the cold</div> - <div class='line in4'>You froze our chances double.</div> - <div class='line'>We went to you for years and years</div> - <div class='line in4'>In bitter anguish pleading:</div> - <div class='line'>You answered us with silent jeers</div> - <div class='line in4'>And left us bruised and bleeding.</div> - <div class='line'>As long as mortals could endure</div> - <div class='line in4'>We stood your joint oppression,</div> - <div class='line'>And then we sought and found a cure--</div> - <div class='line in4'>Which now is your obsession.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>A cure, he says, a cure--ha! ha!</div> - <div class='line in4'>He means to say affliction!</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><a id='Page_14'></a>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>A goat can only bunt and bah,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Its wisdom is a fiction!</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>You see, you will not challenge me,</div> - <div class='line in4'>You merely hurl invective;</div> - <div class='line'>You fear the home-made guns that we</div> - <div class='line in4'>Have turned on our objective.</div> - <div class='line'>Well, be it so, I still can speak,</div> - <div class='line in4'>As long as ears will listen,</div> - <div class='line'>And give you facts to fill your beak,</div> - <div class='line in4'>O birds I cannot christen!</div> - <div class='line'>Where I was born we give the farms</div> - <div class='line in4'>And homes to those who need them;</div> - <div class='line'>We have a method that disarms</div> - <div class='line in4'>The man who would misdeed them.</div> - <div class='line'>We make the law the advocate</div> - <div class='line in4'>Of common people, mainly,</div> - <div class='line'>By placing it <b>beneath</b> the state,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Where it can serve humanely.</div> - <div class='line'>We guard the tiller of the soil</div> - <div class='line in4'>Before the speculator;</div> - <div class='line'>The man who lives on others' toil</div> - <div class='line in4'>We count a second-rater.</div> - <div class='line'>The state is servant to the mass--</div> - <div class='line in4'>I don't go much on Nietzsche,</div> - <div class='line'>And so the Elephant and Ass</div> - <div class='line in4'>Are anxious to impeach me!</div> - <div class='line'>But where, O symbols of the wise</div> - <div class='line in4'>In statesmanship and honor,</div> - <div class='line'>Were nations ever known to rise</div> - <div class='line in4'>Who catered to a donor?</div> - <div class='line'>What people ever reached the heights</div> - <div class='line in4'>Of art and all we cherish,</div> - <div class='line'>By local threats and foreign fights?</div> - <div class='line in4'>Their fate is but to perish!</div> - <div class='line'>The only thing that made this land</div> - <div class='line in4'>As great as we have found it,</div> - <div class='line'>Was justice to whatever band</div> - <div class='line in4'>Saw fit to cluster round it.</div> - <div class='line'>Our fathers met them at the shore,</div> - <div class='line in4'>The stranger and wayfarer,</div> - <div class='line'>And gave them all they asked, and more--</div> - <div class='line in4'>Became their burden-bearer.</div> - <div class='line'>But now how different it is!</div> - <div class='line in4'>The timid voice that raises</div> - <div class='line'>A feeble cry for what is his</div> - <div class='line in4'>Gets hustled off to Blazes!</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><a id='Page_15'></a>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>He very much exaggerates,</div> - <div class='line in4'>And what atrocious wording!</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>He merely bellows, bahs and bleats--</div> - <div class='line in4'>A habit formed in herding.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>The workers that I represent</div> - <div class='line in4'>Are not of one vocation,</div> - <div class='line'>But every one who earns a cent</div> - <div class='line in4'>Has there an invitation.</div> - <div class='line'>The platform that we stand upon</div> - <div class='line in4'>Is not a sheet of paper,</div> - <div class='line'>A speech about the rosy dawn,</div> - <div class='line in4'>A song of purple vapor;</div> - <div class='line'>You'll find it in the farmer's home,</div> - <div class='line in4'>And on the worker's table,</div> - <div class='line'>Where mortgagers would like to come--</div> - <div class='line in4'>If only they were able.</div> - <div class='line'>You'll find it in the common school,</div> - <div class='line in4'>The mine, the shop, the kitchen,</div> - <div class='line'>And where the wheat's begun to stool,</div> - <div class='line in4'>And Hi the Ford is hitchin'.</div> - <div class='line'>You'll find it, Brother Elephant,</div> - <div class='line in4'>In frigid North Dakota,</div> - <div class='line'>Where "Frazier, Ladd and Townley can't</div> - <div class='line in4'>Affect us one iota!"</div> - <div class='line'>You'll find it, Donkey, on the flood,</div> - <div class='line in4'>If you've a will to find it,</div> - <div class='line'>And if your promises are good</div> - <div class='line in4'>You'll get right in behind it!</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><a id='Page_16'></a>DONKEY</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>(To the Elephant) The interview is at an end</div> - <div class='line in4'>So far as I'm concerned.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>ELEPHANT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>(To the Donkey) And as for me, my dearest friend,</div> - <div class='line in4'>The meeting is adjourned.</div> - <div class='line'>(Donkey and Elephant shake hands and go</div> - <div class='line in4'>offstage together.)</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>GOAT</p> -<div class='lg-container-l c011'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Good citizens, the hour is late,</div> - <div class='line in4'>And you are doubtless tired;</div> - <div class='line'>I leave you to your bitter fate,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Since Jack and Jill retired.</div> - <div class='line'>But may I urge before you go:</div> - <div class='line in4'>Preserve that sense of humor,</div> - <div class='line'>For often it will serve to show</div> - <div class='line in4'>The folly of a rumor!</div> - <div class='line'>A laugh will often kill a lie,</div> - <div class='line in4'>Where sermons fail completely;</div> - <div class='line'>So let us laugh until we die--</div> - <div class='line in4'>And even then smile sweetly.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c013'>-·~·-·~·-·~·-</p> -<p class='c014'>Transcriber's Note.</p> - -<p class='c004'>The cover image was created by the transcriber and is placed in -the public domain.</p> - 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Thus, we do not -necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper -edition.</p> - -<p>Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search -facility: www.gutenberg.org</p> - -<p>This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.</p> - -</body> -</html> - diff --git a/old/51473-h/images/cover.jpg b/old/51473-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 6ec9b47..0000000 --- a/old/51473-h/images/cover.jpg +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/51473.txt b/old/51473.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 19ddab4..0000000 --- a/old/51473.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1177 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Donkey, the Elephant, and the Goat, by -Jack Preston - - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - - -Title: The Donkey, the Elephant, and the Goat - At a Public Meeting - - -Author: Jack Preston - - - -Release Date: March 16, 2016 [eBook #51473] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) - - -***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DONKEY, THE ELEPHANT, AND THE -GOAT*** - - -E-text prepared by David Edwards, readbueno, and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from page images generously made -available by Internet Archive (https://archive.org) - - - -Note: Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive. See - https://archive.org/details/donkeyelephantgo00pres - - -Transcriber's note: - - Text enclosed by underscores is in italics (_italics_). - - Text enclosed by equal signs is in bold face (=bold=). - - - - - -THE DONKEY, THE ELEPHANT AND THE GOAT - -At A Public Meeting - -by - -J. P. BUSCHLEN - - - - - - - -Price Twenty-five Cents - - - * * * * * * - - _ANNOUNCEMENT_ - -This playlet, by virtue of its simple rime, may perhaps claim a small -share of that license granted to poets, in assuming that the Goat may at -this early stage of the game be taken as an emblem of the Farmers' and -Workers' political party, which is unfortunately not as yet quite a -fact, nationally. The right to present this discussion as a play, for -purposes of raising money, may be obtained only by writing to the -author, in care of Box 1625, Great Falls, Montana. The right to present -it free of charge, by way of assisting the farm and labor movement, is -hereby granted everyone who is in possession of a copy of the printed -booklet. - - THE AUTHOR. - -Great Falls, Montana, August, 1920. - - (Price Twenty-Five Cents.) - - * * * * * * - - -Copyright, 1920, by J. P. Buschlen -For Sale at Box 1625, Great Falls, Mont. - - - - - The Donkey, the Elephant - - and the Goat - - _At A Public Meeting_ - - By - - J. P. Buschlen - - - ELEPHANT - - You see me here, an elephant, - A symbol of the mighty-- - - - DONKEY - - The while you listen to his cant - Remember he is flighty.... - I come to you, a donkey wise, - With pedigree unlowly-- - - - ELEPHANT - - Beware this fellow's sleepy eyes - And manner smooth and holy.... - As Barnum used to say to me - When oft we strolled together, - "The people seem to like to be - Led round upon a tether." - And so, I see, I've got to speak - With these unwholesome creatures, - Since you, dear folks, have been so weak - As to invite such preachers. - - - DONKEY - - If I may but inject a word, - I think it most plebe'an - To class me with a goat. Absurd! - - - GOAT - - A mule is always mean. - - - ELEPHANT - - When P. T. bade me fond adieu, - Good people, I departed - To where I could be serving you - More whole-and-single hearted; - I packed my grip and trumpeted - The news of my arrival, - That you might follow where I led - And join a great revival. - - - DONKEY - - His boastful manner ill becomes - A thing of such proportions. - - - ELEPHANT - - I made this land a world of homes-- - - - GOAT - - And laws with strange contortions. - - - DONKEY - - I do not wish to interpose, - But, sir, you are addressing - A body whom we may suppose - Would call your death a blessing. - If you could boast a lineage - Like mine, you might be pardoned - For occupying all the stage - And holding views so hardened. - - - GOAT - - I'm glad I'm but a simple goat - With humble beard and frocking; - My people were of little note-- - - - ELEPHANT - - I think, sir, I was talking. - And I would have it understood - That I will put my prestige - Against a Southern neighborhood, - Or aught of Southern vestige. - Besides, if Noah didn't lie, - The morning he went arking, - My wife and family and I - Were also there, embarking. - I'd grudge the honor to a goat, - But this presumptive donkey, - Although he gets the southern vote, - Descended from a monkey. - - - GOAT - - In view of what I've done to you - I forego the distinction - Of being dragged the ages through - From ape to near-extinction. - - - ELEPHANT - - If I would seem, as Mule implies, - Inclined myself to flatter, - Is not some credit due to size - And to a good standpatter? - Has not the jungle that I rule - Been growing more efficient? - Go ask most any knave or fool - And get you proof sufficient! - - - DONKEY - - You seem the fact to quite ignore, - You tusky, trunky sinner, - That I have been in power; what's more - Will be again the winner. - - - GOAT - - Come now, we'll get nowhere with this-- - Why not attack the issue, - And tell the people how it is - We're made of diff'rent tissue? - - - DONKEY - - We are indeed, and that's a fact - For which I'm truly grateful; - - - ELEPHANT - - And so I am, to be exact. - (Aside to D.) This goat is very hateful. - - - DONKEY - - Your challenge, Goat, do I accept. - I represent a party - Which never through the years has slept - And still is hale and hearty. - - - GOAT - - How could it sleep when both its eyes - Were flirting with the bosses? - May not you later realize - Your gains were often losses?... - - - ELEPHANT - - If I may say a word or two - About this great Republic: - The party I have given you - Has made it's actions public; - No secret has it e'er denied - The masses it protected. - - - GOAT - - So ably has the rascal lied, - The ass is quite dejected. - - - ELEPHANT - - The best of old New England blood - Within its veins is flowing; - Its sons have fought for every good-- - - - GOAT - - Old grafter in the "showing." - - - ELEPHANT - - When donkeys in the cotton states - Were riding on the niggers - We cancelled all their riding dates-- - - - GOAT - - And made them all blind-piggers. - - - ELEPHANT - - We built a mighty commonwealth - Against great opposition, - Improving faith and moral health-- - - - DONKEY - - And fostering sedition! - I think it's time for me to speak, - In patriotic phrases: - To sit in silence here were weak, - The while himself he praises. - The party that I represent - And have the voice and manner - To here so faithfully present, - Has carried high its banner. - From fine old Southern gentle stock - Its stalwarts have arisen-- - - - GOAT - - To better populate the dock, - The army and the prison. - - - DONKEY - - We would have won the Civil War-- - - - GOAT - - Had Palmer then existed-- - - - DONKEY - - But several southerners were for - The armies that resisted. - For office we have never run - A man who lacked in breeding, - As these Republicans have done, - Their low traditions heeding. - And did not we, the Democrats, - Win out against the German, - When all the world was dogs and cats--? - - - GOAT - - And soldiers fought the vermin? - - - ELEPHANT - - Good donkey, we have had enough - Of your election wheezing; - Besides, that ancient family-stuff - Has got the goat, here, sneezing-- - And when a thing's too strong for one - So strong for Townley jingo, - I think it time that you had done - With your disgusting lingo. - - - GOAT - - Again I beg to urge you two - That you confine your phrases - To what you've done and aim to do - To earn the people's praises. - - - ELEPHANT - - I've done as much as one could wish - Since Wilson ruled the nation-- - - - DONKEY - - He shows the judgment of a fish - In his absurd inflation. - - - ELEPHANT - - All eyes are fixed on me, I say, - Nor will I disappoint them; - With thanks will I their faith repay-- - - - GOAT - - And oily words anoint them. - - - ELEPHANT - - I'll bring back Lincoln from the grave, - Converting all the Palmers; - The world for business will I save-- - - - GOAT - - And jail the blasted farmers. - - - DONKEY - - When I again am called to reign, - As I will be this autumn, - I'll show you men of brawn and brain-- - - - GOAT - - Obeying them who bought 'em. - - - DONKEY - - I'll rule with e'en a firmer hand - Than you have seen me doing, - And make the alien understand-- - - - GOAT - - His blood requires blueing.... - Now look here, boys, the audience - Is patiently awaiting - A dozen facts, a little sense-- - You've done enough bull-baiting. - Give them the thing you're standing for-- - They're standing for aplenty!-- - - - DONKEY - - I'd like to now discuss the war-- - - - ELEPHANT - - He rambles on like Henty! - - - DONKEY - - We showed the flag to every land, - We swept the boundless ocean, - And yet we never showed our hand, - Nor truckled to emotion. - We made the foreigner behave, - The mighty and the small; and - We sent the Kaiser to his grave-- - - - GOAT - - I thought he was in Holland? - - - DONKEY - - We made the pacifists obey - Our able war-directors, - And handled things without delay-- - - - GOAT - - Especially war-objectors. - - - ELEPHANT - - We grant you this to brag about, - But when our party's saddled - We'll give you ample room for doubt-- - - - GOAT - - On issues ably straddled. - - - ELEPHANT - - I think you'll then admit that while - You did what you were able, - You lacked our more successful wile - In keeping business stable. - - - GOAT - - Your windy generalities - Have left the country gasping-- - - - DONKEY - - He's started in again to wheeze! - - - ELEPHANT - - His voice is very rasping! - - - GOAT - - You've camouflaged the issue, boys, - As people are perceiving, - With waving flags and vocal noise-- - - - ELEPHANT - - (To D.) His whiskers are deceiving! - - - GOAT - - The cry is for a loaf of bread-- - You offer but a promise; - The methods you employ are dead-- - - - DONKEY - - (To E.) He'd take our living from us! - - - GOAT - - You're living in a day gone by, - Oblivious of the present, - While women weep and children die-- - - - ELEPHANT - - He's getting most unpleasant! - - - GOAT - - The world is full of concrete needs, - And this land's no exception, - Of problems that will yield to deeds - But never to deception. - I've sat here list'ning to the views - That you have ventilated: - Now maybe for the sake of news - You'll hear =my= doctrine stated? - - - DONKEY - - I cannot see how anything - A billygoat might proffer - Could any new idea bring? - - - ELEPHANT - - 'Tis not a legal offer. - - - DONKEY - - And while about it might I say, - I fail of comprehending - Just why this meeting here today - Has been so condescending - As to invite, with you and me, - Dear tusky friend, this creature - So lacking in camaraderie - And so uncouth of feature! - - - ELEPHANT - - Indeed I cannot but agree, - Dear Donkey, with your premise, - And much I doubt that you should see - =Me= weeping at his demise. - - - GOAT - - Are these the gentlemen we saw - So recently atussle, - Inventing words, within the law, - Each other's goat to hustle? - How strange that at a word of mine - They swing around together? - You will, perhaps, recall a line - That mentions "birds o' feather." - - - DONKEY - - The atmosphere is getting close-- - Will some one draw the curtain? - - - ELEPHANT - - (Whispering) I wonder does he just suppose, - Or does he know for certain? - - - GOAT - - If I'm beyond your courtesy, - I still have vocal powers, - So lend those mighty ears to me - For half a dozen hours. - I know that I am but a goat - All battered by the weather, - But in this land I have a vote, - And I won't sell it, ne'ther! - I represent a class of men - And women who have struggled - Against the tide, while you have been - "Retained" and dined and--juggled. - While you and yours have raked the gold - We've raked the burning stubble; - While we lay frozen in the cold - You froze our chances double. - We went to you for years and years - In bitter anguish pleading: - You answered us with silent jeers - And left us bruised and bleeding. - As long as mortals could endure - We stood your joint oppression, - And then we sought and found a cure-- - Which now is your obsession. - - - DONKEY - - A cure, he says, a cure--ha! ha! - He means to say affliction! - - - ELEPHANT - - A goat can only bunt and bah, - Its wisdom is a fiction! - - - GOAT - - You see, you will not challenge me, - You merely hurl invective; - You fear the home-made guns that we - Have turned on our objective. - Well, be it so, I still can speak, - As long as ears will listen, - And give you facts to fill your beak, - O birds I cannot christen! - Where I was born we give the farms - And homes to those who need them; - We have a method that disarms - The man who would misdeed them. - We make the law the advocate - Of common people, mainly, - By placing it =beneath= the state, - Where it can serve humanely. - We guard the tiller of the soil - Before the speculator; - The man who lives on others' toil - We count a second-rater. - The state is servant to the mass-- - I don't go much on Nietzsche, - And so the Elephant and Ass - Are anxious to impeach me! - But where, O symbols of the wise - In statesmanship and honor, - Were nations ever known to rise - Who catered to a donor? - What people ever reached the heights - Of art and all we cherish, - By local threats and foreign fights? - Their fate is but to perish! - The only thing that made this land - As great as we have found it, - Was justice to whatever band - Saw fit to cluster round it. - Our fathers met them at the shore, - The stranger and wayfarer, - And gave them all they asked, and more-- - Became their burden-bearer. - But now how different it is! - The timid voice that raises - A feeble cry for what is his - Gets hustled off to Blazes! - - - DONKEY - - He very much exaggerates, - And what atrocious wording! - - - ELEPHANT - - He merely bellows, bahs and bleats-- - A habit formed in herding. - - - GOAT - - The workers that I represent - Are not of one vocation, - But every one who earns a cent - Has there an invitation. - The platform that we stand upon - Is not a sheet of paper, - A speech about the rosy dawn, - A song of purple vapor; - You'll find it in the farmer's home, - And on the worker's table, - Where mortgagers would like to come-- - If only they were able. - You'll find it in the common school, - The mine, the shop, the kitchen, - And where the wheat's begun to stool, - And Hi the Ford is hitchin'. - You'll find it, Brother Elephant, - In frigid North Dakota, - Where "Frazier, Ladd and Townley can't - Affect us one iota!" - You'll find it, Donkey, on the flood, - If you've a will to find it, - And if your promises are good - You'll get right in behind it! - - - DONKEY - - (To the Elephant) The interview is at an end - So far as I'm concerned. - - - ELEPHANT - - (To the Donkey) And as for me, my dearest friend, - The meeting is adjourned. - (Donkey and Elephant shake hands and go - offstage together.) - - - GOAT - - Good citizens, the hour is late, - And you are doubtless tired; - I leave you to your bitter fate, - Since Jack and Jill retired. - But may I urge before you go: - Preserve that sense of humor, - For often it will serve to show - The folly of a rumor! - A laugh will often kill a lie, - Where sermons fail completely; - So let us laugh until we die-- - And even then smile sweetly. - - - - - * * * * * * - - - - -Transcriber's note: - -The cover image was created by the transcriber and is placed in the -public domain. - -Accentuation, punctuation and spelling as per the original text. - - - -***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DONKEY, THE ELEPHANT, AND THE -GOAT*** - - -******* This file should be named 51473.txt or 51473.zip ******* - - -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: -http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/5/1/4/7/51473 - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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