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diff --git a/44898.txt b/44898.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 5c86e58..0000000 --- a/44898.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1003 +0,0 @@ -Project Gutenberg's Blottentots and How to Make Them, by John Prosper Carmel - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Blottentots and How to Make Them - -Author: John Prosper Carmel - -Release Date: February 14, 2014 [EBook #44898] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BLOTTENTOTS AND HOW TO MAKE THEM *** - - - - -Produced by Melissa McDaniel and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive) - - - - - - - -Transcriber's Note: - - Inconsistent hyphenation and spelling in the original document have - been preserved. Obvious typographical errors have been corrected. - - - - - [Illustration] - - O, I AM PRINCE OF THE INKY IMPS - AND KING OF THE BLOTTENTOT CREW; - MY ANCESTREE HAS A PEDIGREE - OF A ROYAL PURPLISH HUE. - - ONCE MY LOT WAS A DARK BLUE SPOT - FLIPPED ON A MILK-WHITE SEA, - A CREASE AND A FOLD--AND A BUCCANEER BOLD - OUT JUMPED--AND THAT WAS ME! - - - - - BLOTTENTOTS - AND HOW TO MAKE THEM - - BY - JOHN PROSPER CARMEL - - [Illustration: - - If you've never made a - Blottentot - This book will help you - quite a lot!] - - PAUL ELDER AND COMPANY - SAN FRANCISCO AND NEW YORK - - - - - Copyright, 1907, by Paul Elder & Company. - - Entered at Stationers' Hall, London. - - - - - These were made for Dymphna - - - - - [Illustration] - - -HOW TO MAKE BLOTTENTOTS - - - To make a funny Blottentot, - First take a piece of paper, - Splash on some ink, a single spot, - Crease, press, but cut no caper. - - Don't crease exactly at the blot-- - You'll have a fearful muddle; - Press gently, too, and not a lot, - Unless you want a puddle. - - With everything we humans do, - Practice makes us apter: - So start at once, you'll find it true - At the end of your first chapter. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -A FLIT-FLIT FLITTER - - - In the realms of wonderland - Such flies do gaily flitter, - But when they're just a blot of ink - Of course they cannot glitter. - - They flitter, flutter round about, - These Flitter-Flitter-Flitters, - O'er dewy flow'ry sunny meads, - The lightest, brightest critters. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -A GOBBLE-ME-UP - - - Weedy, greedy Gobble-Me-Up, - Your mouth is a fearful size. - Do you live on little girls and boys, - Or merely cakes and pies? - - - - - [Illustration] - - -TWO BUCKING NIGHTMARES - - - Two bucking nightmares ran out to neigh, - Thinking it night, but found it day, - So took to their heels in sore dismay,-- - I'm 'fraid they still are running away. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -STRANGE BUT TRUE - - - Now it seems to be scarcely credible, - A difficult thing to think, - That such a strange grotesquerie - Was pressed from a drop of ink. - - But word for word I tell you, - As true as word can be, - That in its making there was naught - But the blindest chancerie. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -LAW-MAKERS - - - Tom and Johnny Make-the-law, - Talkative and lazy, - Standing on a Thingumajig - Comical and crazy. - You are just a pair of Imps, - With but one leg that badly limps. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -MISTRESS NELL - - - Gadzooks, Nell Gwynne! - How did you get in? - Did you walk or were you brought - in your chair? - Your dress is perfection - To the smallest section - Of stomacher, quilting and hair. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -A PROFESSIONAL TIFF - - - Said Dr. Spindleshanks, - "I'll stand no silly pranks!" - "You're nothing but a prig!" - Said Dr. Funnywig. - Then, making each a face, - They went off at a pace. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -SAFE AT A DISTANCE - - - You big Bugaboo! - We didn't want you, - But really now that you've come, - If you keep far away - We'll permit you to stay, - Just as long you keep quite dumb. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -TEENY AND TINY - - - Teeny and Tiny Pugnoses - Have discovered two beautiful roses, - But the stems are so tall - They can't reach them at all, - Though they stand on the tips - of their toeses. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -IMPISH - - - You can see by the look of this - big-footed Sprite, - That just the one thing that - affords him delight - Is to give a high jump and land - on your toe, - On the very same spot where - the biggest corns grow. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -A LITTLE GRASS MIDGET - - - This is a little grass Midget, - As you know a most terrible fidget. - For a month every year - He makes it quite clear - That he is a little grass Midget. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -SIAMESE TWINS? - - - I hope they're on pegs, - Because if they're legs, - They are altogether shocking. - They have no feet, - And almost meet, - And haven't the sign of a stocking. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -A KANGAR-ROOSTER-ROO - - - Why, here's our dear old hopper, - Our Kangar-rooster-roo! - And seeing he's such a whopper, - I'll certainly not say "Shoo"! - - Then there are two, you see, - So I'd better hold my peace, - Or they may sit on me - And leave me a crumpled crease. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -A SURPRISE - - - A Squidgeecumsquee - Got up in a tree, - And found another-- - The fac simile. - "Oh dear! oh my!" - He said jumping high, - "It's surely my brother-- - What a horrible guy!" - - - - - [Illustration] - - -CONSIDERATE - - - "You jump over to me," said Sue. - "I wish you would come to me," - said Loo; - "As sure as I jump - I'll kick that stump, - So really I'd rather let you." - - - - - [Illustration] - - -RISKY - - - Now this is just the funniest rogue, - A Brownie as black as ink, - And what he's doing perched up there, - I'm sure I cannot think. - - He's holding his arms like a pair of sails; - Perhaps he's trying to fly. - Let's hope he won't be playing that game - When you and I pass by. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -DOGGEREL - - - Here are the strangest pair of dogs, - What sort I cannot tell, - But judging by their noses sharp - They have the sense of smell. - - Their tails are very, very long,-- - But does it really matter? - By the very way they stare and start - They're mad as any hatter. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -A WARNING - - - Are these Quumps or Zagabogs, - Golliwogs or Quees? - Anyhow, you'd best look out,-- - They're just about to sneeze! - - - - - [Illustration] - - -THE LATEST DISCOVERY - - - I've just discovered a marvelous way - Of making these Blottentots mottled and gray; - If you promise you never will show any one - I'll tell you the secret of how it is done. - - Take two bottles of ink, one thick and one thin, - Of different blacks, and dip your pen in; - From each splash a drop at the very same spot, - Then do as before, only pressing a lot. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -SORRY GRIGS - - - What makes these little Grigs so sad? - They're standing most dejected. - Have they been up to something bad - And in it got detected? - - - - - [Illustration] - - -LANKY DOODLE - - - Lanky Doodle came to town - Without his little pony, - Stuck a feather in his hat - With bits of macaroni. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -THE DANCE - - - Jingle your bells and your tambourine - For just such a dance as you never have seen; - Such swishing of skirts, and glancing of feet, - Such bowing and parting, then running to meet; - So jingle your bells and your tambourine, - And keep them a-dancing from morning till e'en. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -LOOK OUT FOR HIM! - - - He's flying in the air, - So you are safe and sound; - But you had better skip - When he lights upon the ground. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -MACBETH - -Act I, Scene I. - - - "When shall we 'two' meet again-- - In thunder, lightning, or in rain?" - "When the hurly-burly's done, - When the battle's lost and won." - - - - - [Illustration] - - -PERPLEXING - - - A queer little wight, - Very strangely dight, - Looked so much like his brother, - That, believe me, it's true, - No one ever knew - How to tell one from t'other. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -MERELY ACCIDENTAL - - - Such angular shapes - In such beautiful capes - Are the silliest contradiction, - But they simply "came," - So I'm not to blame; - With Blottentots there's no restriction. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -BIRDS OF A FEATHER - - - "Now really it is shocking!" irately said - Miss B, - "To think that you are mocking and - making fun of me. - You have your wings and rufflings - the very same as I, - So you need not turn your nose up, - with a twinkle in your eye." - - - - - [Illustration] - - -A DE-DUCK-TION - - - Pluck - A duck - Of a wing. - Alack! - He'll quack, - And not sing. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -AN OVERSIGHT - - - Two Rabbits met and shook hands one day - In the gravest possible kind of a way. - But what was the cause of their serious mien - From our picture is not very easily seen. - They'd been jollier far if they'd stopped to sup - The honeyed mead from the buttercup. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -QUITE THE THING - - - Words fail - To detail, - I can only smile. - Your salute - Is cute - And just perfect style. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -QUAINT AND QUEER - - - Quaint and Queer, - A funny pair, - The funniest you could see, - Met one day - In a strange array, - The strangest that could be. - - Each stood and stared - As if he feared - That he would get a poke; - But laughed to find - The other kind, - And thought it all a joke. - - - - - [Illustration] - - -FINIS - - - Before, I had some Cassowaries, - Now I have two Dromedaries. - So just to leave some shapes for you, - I'll doff my cap and say adieu. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Blottentots and How to Make Them, by -John Prosper Carmel - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BLOTTENTOTS AND HOW TO MAKE THEM *** - -***** This file should be named 44898.txt or 44898.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/4/8/9/44898/ - -Produced by Melissa McDaniel and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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