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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44898 ***
+
+Transcriber's Note:
+
+  Inconsistent hyphenation and spelling in the original document have
+  been preserved. Obvious typographical errors have been corrected.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+     O, I AM PRINCE OF THE INKY IMPS
+       AND KING OF THE BLOTTENTOT CREW;
+     MY ANCESTREE HAS A PEDIGREE
+       OF A ROYAL PURPLISH HUE.
+
+     ONCE MY LOT WAS A DARK BLUE SPOT
+       FLIPPED ON A MILK-WHITE SEA,
+     A CREASE AND A FOLD--AND A BUCCANEER BOLD
+       OUT JUMPED--AND THAT WAS ME!
+
+
+
+
+     BLOTTENTOTS
+     AND HOW TO MAKE THEM
+
+     BY
+     JOHN PROSPER CARMEL
+
+     [Illustration:
+
+     If you've never made a
+       Blottentot
+     This book will help you
+       quite a lot!]
+
+     PAUL ELDER AND COMPANY
+     SAN FRANCISCO AND NEW YORK
+
+
+
+
+     Copyright, 1907, by Paul Elder & Company.
+
+     Entered at Stationers' Hall, London.
+
+
+
+
+     These were made for Dymphna
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+HOW TO MAKE BLOTTENTOTS
+
+
+     To make a funny Blottentot,
+       First take a piece of paper,
+     Splash on some ink, a single spot,
+       Crease, press, but cut no caper.
+
+     Don't crease exactly at the blot--
+       You'll have a fearful muddle;
+     Press gently, too, and not a lot,
+       Unless you want a puddle.
+
+     With everything we humans do,
+       Practice makes us apter:
+     So start at once, you'll find it true
+       At the end of your first chapter.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+A FLIT-FLIT FLITTER
+
+
+     In the realms of wonderland
+       Such flies do gaily flitter,
+     But when they're just a blot of ink
+       Of course they cannot glitter.
+
+     They flitter, flutter round about,
+       These Flitter-Flitter-Flitters,
+     O'er dewy flow'ry sunny meads,
+       The lightest, brightest critters.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+A GOBBLE-ME-UP
+
+
+     Weedy, greedy Gobble-Me-Up,
+       Your mouth is a fearful size.
+     Do you live on little girls and boys,
+       Or merely cakes and pies?
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+TWO BUCKING NIGHTMARES
+
+
+     Two bucking nightmares ran out to neigh,
+     Thinking it night, but found it day,
+     So took to their heels in sore dismay,--
+     I'm 'fraid they still are running away.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+STRANGE BUT TRUE
+
+
+     Now it seems to be scarcely credible,
+       A difficult thing to think,
+     That such a strange grotesquerie
+       Was pressed from a drop of ink.
+
+     But word for word I tell you,
+       As true as word can be,
+     That in its making there was naught
+       But the blindest chancerie.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+LAW-MAKERS
+
+
+     Tom and Johnny Make-the-law,
+       Talkative and lazy,
+     Standing on a Thingumajig
+       Comical and crazy.
+     You are just a pair of Imps,
+     With but one leg that badly limps.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+MISTRESS NELL
+
+
+       Gadzooks, Nell Gwynne!
+       How did you get in?
+     Did you walk or were you brought
+         in your chair?
+       Your dress is perfection
+       To the smallest section
+     Of stomacher, quilting and hair.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+A PROFESSIONAL TIFF
+
+
+     Said Dr. Spindleshanks,
+     "I'll stand no silly pranks!"
+     "You're nothing but a prig!"
+     Said Dr. Funnywig.
+     Then, making each a face,
+     They went off at a pace.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+SAFE AT A DISTANCE
+
+
+       You big Bugaboo!
+       We didn't want you,
+     But really now that you've come,
+       If you keep far away
+       We'll permit you to stay,
+     Just as long you keep quite dumb.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+TEENY AND TINY
+
+
+     Teeny and Tiny Pugnoses
+     Have discovered two beautiful roses,
+       But the stems are so tall
+       They can't reach them at all,
+     Though they stand on the tips
+           of their toeses.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+IMPISH
+
+
+     You can see by the look of this
+           big-footed Sprite,
+       That just the one thing that
+           affords him delight
+     Is to give a high jump and land
+           on your toe,
+       On the very same spot where
+           the biggest corns grow.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+A LITTLE GRASS MIDGET
+
+
+     This is a little grass Midget,
+     As you know a most terrible fidget.
+     For a month every year
+     He makes it quite clear
+     That he is a little grass Midget.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+SIAMESE TWINS?
+
+
+     I hope they're on pegs,
+     Because if they're legs,
+     They are altogether shocking.
+     They have no feet,
+     And almost meet,
+     And haven't the sign of a stocking.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+A KANGAR-ROOSTER-ROO
+
+
+     Why, here's our dear old hopper,
+       Our Kangar-rooster-roo!
+     And seeing he's such a whopper,
+       I'll certainly not say "Shoo"!
+
+     Then there are two, you see,
+       So I'd better hold my peace,
+     Or they may sit on me
+       And leave me a crumpled crease.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+A SURPRISE
+
+
+     A Squidgeecumsquee
+       Got up in a tree,
+     And found another--
+       The fac simile.
+     "Oh dear! oh my!"
+       He said jumping high,
+     "It's surely my brother--
+       What a horrible guy!"
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+CONSIDERATE
+
+
+     "You jump over to me," said Sue.
+     "I wish you would come to me,"
+         said Loo;
+     "As sure as I jump
+     I'll kick that stump,
+     So really I'd rather let you."
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+RISKY
+
+
+     Now this is just the funniest rogue,
+       A Brownie as black as ink,
+     And what he's doing perched up there,
+       I'm sure I cannot think.
+
+     He's holding his arms like a pair of sails;
+       Perhaps he's trying to fly.
+     Let's hope he won't be playing that game
+       When you and I pass by.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+DOGGEREL
+
+
+     Here are the strangest pair of dogs,
+       What sort I cannot tell,
+     But judging by their noses sharp
+       They have the sense of smell.
+
+     Their tails are very, very long,--
+       But does it really matter?
+     By the very way they stare and start
+       They're mad as any hatter.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+A WARNING
+
+
+     Are these Quumps or Zagabogs,
+       Golliwogs or Quees?
+     Anyhow, you'd best look out,--
+       They're just about to sneeze!
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+THE LATEST DISCOVERY
+
+
+     I've just discovered a marvelous way
+       Of making these Blottentots mottled and gray;
+     If you promise you never will show any one
+       I'll tell you the secret of how it is done.
+
+     Take two bottles of ink, one thick and one thin,
+       Of different blacks, and dip your pen in;
+     From each splash a drop at the very same spot,
+       Then do as before, only pressing a lot.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+SORRY GRIGS
+
+
+     What makes these little Grigs so sad?
+       They're standing most dejected.
+     Have they been up to something bad
+       And in it got detected?
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+LANKY DOODLE
+
+
+     Lanky Doodle came to town
+       Without his little pony,
+     Stuck a feather in his hat
+       With bits of macaroni.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+THE DANCE
+
+
+     Jingle your bells and your tambourine
+     For just such a dance as you never have seen;
+     Such swishing of skirts, and glancing of feet,
+     Such bowing and parting, then running to meet;
+     So jingle your bells and your tambourine,
+     And keep them a-dancing from morning till e'en.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+LOOK OUT FOR HIM!
+
+
+     He's flying in the air,
+       So you are safe and sound;
+     But you had better skip
+       When he lights upon the ground.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+MACBETH
+
+Act I, Scene I.
+
+
+     "When shall we 'two' meet again--
+     In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"
+     "When the hurly-burly's done,
+     When the battle's lost and won."
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+PERPLEXING
+
+
+     A queer little wight,
+     Very strangely dight,
+     Looked so much like his brother,
+     That, believe me, it's true,
+     No one ever knew
+     How to tell one from t'other.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+MERELY ACCIDENTAL
+
+
+     Such angular shapes
+     In such beautiful capes
+     Are the silliest contradiction,
+     But they simply "came,"
+     So I'm not to blame;
+     With Blottentots there's no restriction.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+BIRDS OF A FEATHER
+
+
+     "Now really it is shocking!" irately said
+           Miss B,
+     "To think that you are mocking and
+           making fun of me.
+     You have your wings and rufflings
+           the very same as I,
+     So you need not turn your nose up,
+           with a twinkle in your eye."
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+A DE-DUCK-TION
+
+
+     Pluck
+     A duck
+     Of a wing.
+     Alack!
+     He'll quack,
+     And not sing.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+AN OVERSIGHT
+
+
+     Two Rabbits met and shook hands one day
+     In the gravest possible kind of a way.
+     But what was the cause of their serious mien
+     From our picture is not very easily seen.
+     They'd been jollier far if they'd stopped to sup
+     The honeyed mead from the buttercup.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+QUITE THE THING
+
+
+     Words fail
+     To detail,
+     I can only smile.
+     Your salute
+     Is cute
+     And just perfect style.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+QUAINT AND QUEER
+
+
+     Quaint and Queer,
+     A funny pair,
+     The funniest you could see,
+     Met one day
+     In a strange array,
+     The strangest that could be.
+
+     Each stood and stared
+     As if he feared
+     That he would get a poke;
+     But laughed to find
+     The other kind,
+     And thought it all a joke.
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+FINIS
+
+
+     Before, I had some Cassowaries,
+       Now I have two Dromedaries.
+     So just to leave some shapes for you,
+       I'll doff my cap and say adieu.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Blottentots and How to Make Them, by 
+John Prosper Carmel
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44898 ***