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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 18:36:24 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 18:36:24 -0700 |
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diff --git a/44159-h/44159-h.htm b/44159-h/44159-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2be6c3b --- /dev/null +++ b/44159-h/44159-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,7982 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=UTF-8" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Penelope: or, Love's Labour Lost. Vol. 2 of 3, by William Pitt Scargill. + </title> +<link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> + <style type="text/css"> + +body { + margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + +} + +@media handheld +{ body +{ margin-left:0; +margin-right:0;} } + + + h1,h2 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; +} + +p { + margin-top: .51em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .49em; + text-indent: 1.5em; +} + +p.first { + margin-top: .51em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .49em; + text-indent:0em; +} + +p.poem { + margin-left: 15%; + text-indent: 0em; + font-size: small; +} + +p.noind {text-indent: 0em; + margin-top: .51em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .49em;} + +.p2 {margin-top: 2em;} +.p6 {margin-top: 6em;} +.b4 {margin-bottom: 4em;} +.b2 {margin-bottom: 2em;} + + +hr.chap {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%;} + +hr.r5 {width: 5%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 47.5%; margin-right: 47.5%;} +hr.xsmall {width: 2%; margin-left: 49%; margin-right: 49%;} + +table { + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; +} + +td.left {text-align: left;} + +.w20 {width: 20%;} +.w40 {width: 40%;} + +.pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: 12px; + text-align: right; + text-indent: 2em; + color: gray; +} /* page numbers */ + + +.left {text-align: left;} + +.center {text-align: center;} + +.smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + +.x-small {font-size:50%;} + +.small { font-size:75%; } + +.big { font-size:140%; } + +.frontispiece {text-align: center; text-indent: 0em;} + +.gesperrt +{ + letter-spacing: 0.2em; + margin-right: -0.2em; +} + +em.gesperrt +{ + font-style: normal; +} + + +/* Poetry */ +.poem { + margin-left:10%; + margin-right:10%; + text-align: left; +} + +.poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + +.poem .verse {text-indent: -3em; + padding-left: 3em; } + + +/* Transcriber's notes */ + +ins {text-decoration:none; border-bottom: thin dotted gray;} + +.tnote {background-color: #E6E6FA; + color: black; + font-size:smaller; + padding:0.5em; + margin-bottom:5em; + text-align: justify; + text-indent: 0em; + font-family:sans-serif, serif; } + +.covernote {visibility: hidden; display: none;} + +@media handheld { + .covernote {visibility: visible; display: block;} +} + +@media handheld, print + +{ins {text-decoration:none; border-bottom: none;} } + + </style> + </head> +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44159 ***</div> + +<div class="tnote covernote"> + <p class="noind">The cover image was created by the transcriber and is placed in the public domain.</p> +</div> + +<h1>PENELOPE:<br /> + +<span class="x-small">OR,</span><br /> + +LOVE’S LABOUR LOST.</h1> + +<p class="frontispiece p2">A NOVEL.</p> + +<p class="small frontispiece p2">IN THREE VOLUMES.</p> + + +<p class="frontispiece p2 big">II.</p> + +<hr class="r5" /> + +<p class="p6 frontispiece"> +LONDON:<br /> +<span class="small">PRINTED FOR HUNT AND CLARKE,</span><br /> +<span class="x-small">YORK STREET, COVENT GARDEN.</span><br /> +</p> +<hr class="xsmall" /> +<p class="frontispiece">1828.</p> + +<p class="p6 frontispiece"> +LONDON:<br /> +<span class="small">PRINTED BY C. H. REYNELL, BROAD STREET, GOLDEN SQUARE.</span><br /> +</p> + +<p class="p6 frontispiece big b2">PENELOPE:<br /> +<span class="small">OR,</span><br /> +LOVE’S LABOUR LOST.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<h2>Table of Contents</h2> + + +<div class="center"> +<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="TOC"> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_I">Chapter I.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_II">Chapter II.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_III">Chapter III.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV">Chapter IV.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_V">Chapter V.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_VI">Chapter VI.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_VII">Chapter VII.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_VIII">Chapter VIII.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_IX">Chapter IX.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_X">Chapter X.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XI">Chapter XI.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XII">Chapter XII.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIII">Chapter XIII.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIV">Chapter XIV.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XV">Chapter XV.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVI">Chapter XVI.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVII">Chapter XVII.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIII">Chapter XVIII.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIX">Chapter XIX.</a></td></tr> +</table></div> + + + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Lord Spoonbill</span> was not less disappointed than +the Countess of Smatterton, to hear that Penelope +was in daily expectation of seeing her father. +Hereditary legislators are sometimes perplexed, +and in the present case the son of the Earl of +Smatterton was in a state of grievous doubt and +agitation.</p> + +<p>His object in the first instance had been to +take Penelope under his protection, and he supposed +that if the correspondence between her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span> +and Robert Darnley could be broken off, there +would be very little difficulty in inducing her to +comply with his proposals. For it was his intention +to make a most liberal settlement and to +place her in a very handsome establishment. +Living as he had always in splendour, and +enjoying the luxuries and ostentation of wealth, +though accustomed to them from his birth, he +thought, that to one educated in such humble +obscurity as Penelope had been, these fascinations +would be irresistible. During the short +time that he had been under the same roof with +her, he had seen and observed more of the +character of her mind, and he felt that it was not +personal beauty alone that she possessed, but +that her disposition was kind and her temper +beautiful; and therefore he loved her with a +much purer regard than ever he had before +entertained for any one of the sex. He loved her +so much, in fact, that he absolutely regretted +that her rank in life was not nearer to his own.</p> + +<p>It now also occurred to him, from what he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span> +had heard in the autumn, that it was very +probable that Robert Darnley might be in +England, and that through the intervention of +Mr Primrose some explanation might bring the +parties together again, and thus his lordship’s +hopes would be disappointed and his schemes +frustrated. Then there came into his lordship’s +mind the thought of the intercepted letters, and +with that thought the fear that a discovery might +be made as to the manner in which, and the +person by whom, they had been intercepted. +But that fear was transient, for his lordship +confidently said to himself, “It is absolutely +impossible that Nick Muggins should betray +me.” What could his lordship be thinking +about when he uttered this soliloquy? Did the +Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill think that the +principle of honor was stronger in the mind of +Nick Muggins, the Smatterton post-boy, than it +was in his own Right Honorable self? Wherein, +did his lordship imagine, consisted the essential<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span> +superiority of the high born above the sons of +the peasantry? Did his lordship imagine that +the only difference was in titles and soft white +hands? It is not for us to know what lords +may think, it is enough for us to gaze with +wonderment on what they do.</p> + +<p>Present circumstances and present feelings +compelled Lord Spoonbill to enter into serious +deliberation with himself as to what step he +should pursue. He could not for a moment +admit the possibility of making an honorable +offer of his hand to the young lady; such a +proposal would have been the death of the Earl +of Smatterton. That offer, which his lordship +gravely called the other proposal, required a +little more circumlocution and management; for +his lordship was not quite so simple as not to be +aware that, if making the first proposal was condescension +on his part, accepting the latter would +be condescension on the part of the lady. There +was required for this purpose a tolerably strong<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span> +attachment to his lordship, which might not yet +exist in the lady’s mind. And though Lord +Spoonbill was not by any means a man of great +understanding or extraordinary penetration, yet +in those matters in which he was most conversant +he was not altogether unskilful. In pursuits +of a similar nature to the present, his +lordship was by no means inexpert; but, in the +present instance, he knew that the person in +question was gifted with mental powers superior +to those which had belonged to his previous +victims, and his own regard for her was somewhat +more tender and respectful.</p> + +<p>These considerations on the one hand told his +lordship that success would be endangered by +precipitancy, while the fact that Mr Primrose, in +the course of a day or two, would make his +appearance, rendered it necessary that some +immediate steps should be taken. It is a great +pity that hereditary legislators, who are born to +govern a nation, should in any case be incapable +of legislating for themselves. Such a case now<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span> +occurred. Lord Spoonbill thought of calling to +his aid the counsel of a friend. For this purpose +he forthwith ordered his horse for a morning +ride; and, after an unmercifully rapid gallop of +ten miles, he dismounted at the door of one of +the prettiest little cottages within twenty miles +of London.</p> + +<p>This cottage was almost secluded from the +sight of the world, but was yet within reach of +life’s gaieties and luxuries. Its secludedness +was owing partly to the immensely thick plantations +by which it was hidden from the road, and +partly to the narrow and almost imperceptible +lane which led to it. The external appearance +of the plantation was rugged and uncultivated +and neglected; and this appearance was, on +the part of the owner and occupier of the place, +cunningly intentional. He was a man who loved +seclusion, but who loved the world; but the +world which he loved was not the miscellaneous +world of promiscuous humanity; it was only the +world of select and superfastidious fashion, of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span> +graceful gaiety and refined voluptuousness. He +loved society not as society, but as the means +of more intense and effective sensual gratification. +Our readers, we trust, will excuse and +accompany us if we describe with very particular +minuteness this very singular character. He +belonged not to any class, or tribe, or general +description of men; for if he had, a few words +of outline would suffice to state the class to +which he belonged, and imagination or observation +might supply the rest. But he was a +perfect unique.</p> + +<p>His personal appearance was striking, though +not marked by any decided or obvious singularity. +He was tall and well formed, finely +proportioned and of graceful carriage. The top +of his head was entirely and shiningly bald; +his complexion was fair, and there was for the +most part a look of good humour and easy gaiety +in his countenance; but an attentive observer +might occasionally perceive a transient cloudiness +that looked like disappointment, and there<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span> +were also visible traces of slight asperity and +symptoms of sneer and contemptuousness. In +his dress he was fastidiously accurate and expensively +splendid. He regarded fashion no farther +than as it gave him an opportunity of exhibiting +himself to the greatest possible advantage.</p> + +<p>Of the qualities of his mind it is difficult to +speak intelligibly. He was intellectual, though +sensual; his reading was remarkably limited, +and his knowledge as remarkably extensive. He +had received the rudiments of his education at +Westminster, and had finished his studies at +Cambridge, at which place he had become acquainted +with Lord Spoonbill. But, notwithstanding +all the opportunities which had been +afforded him, he had not made what is called +progress in literature. He was perfect in no +species of knowledge or science which is derivable +from books. He had learned Greek, Latin, +French, Italian and German, but he was familiar +with none of them. He had slightly attended +to the exact sciences, but he had forgotten of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> +them everything but their existence. He had +read ancient and modern history; his recollection +of them was little, but clear, and when he had +any occasion to speak of any of their facts or their +philosophies, he generally spoke with accuracy, +and thereby acquired a reputation, which he had +no wish or ambition to acquire, of being a well +read man. Few people speak Greek or Latin, +and therefore our gentleman, not being examined, +passed for a scholar. Everybody who pretends +to any degree of refinement or fashion, interslops +his own native language with an ungrammatical +nasal blattering, called quoting French; and our +gentleman had picked up enough of that affected +trumpery to pass well in the society which he +occasionally frequented. With how small a +portion of real literature and actual knowledge +a man may pass muster in society, is only known +to those who love the reputation of scholarship +better than its toils.</p> + +<p>The gentleman of whom we are speaking was +too politic to trouble himself about politics. His<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span> +politics, if the theory of such an indolent one +may be called by that name, were Ascendancy +politics. Those are the best subjects who never +trouble their heads about politics: if we were +king we should always encourage and patronize +such people. The tame negroes in the West +India islands do not trouble their heads about +politics, nor do the subjects of the Emperor of +Morocco, or the King of Persia, for if they did, +their heads would soon cease to trouble them. +The people of the United States do trouble their +heads, but the time may come when there may +be in that part of the world a great multitude +who will not trouble their heads about politics; +it will then be a much pleasanter thing to be +king of America than it would now. But while +we say that our gentleman was indifferent to +politics, and therefore a good subject, we by no +means wish it to be understood that he was a +Tory, for Tories do trouble their heads about +politics, and trouble other people’s heads too.</p> + +<p>This person eschewed partisanship, because it<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span> +would give him trouble to belong to a party. +His principle was to possess and enjoy animally +every luxury within his reach; but at the same +time to avoid those excesses which are palpably +and obviously ruinous to the constitution. He +had made the experiment for very few years, but +he began to find thus early that the experiment +was not likely to succeed. For want of exertion +and activity the keenness of his relish had +already begun to abate; and by carefully extracting +the bitter ingredients from life’s cup and +casting them away, he found that its sweets +were sickening and saturating. Whatever was +annoying to mind or body, he endeavoured, and +in most cases successfully, to avoid. But there +was gradually and surely coming upon him the +bitterest of all annoyances; that kind of mental +suffering which is only describable in the language +of paradox, and which we will set down +for the purpose of giving the purblind puppies +of criticism something to yelp at. He was then +beginning to feel the bitterness of sweetness, the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span> +darkness of light, the discord of harmony, the +solitude of society, the weariness of rest, the +deformity of beauty; but he knew not how +and from whence this annoyance was coming +upon him. He had felt that sensibility was +painful, and he had suppressed or neutralized it; +he avoided the sight or thought of suffering, for +he felt that sympathy with pain was painful. +He had not exercised the powers of his mind, lest +that exercise should interfere with that system of +luxurious enjoyment which he had adopted. +He had despised and derided the moral feeling, +and had studiously guarded himself against all +reproofs which conscience might administer to +him. But with all this care he experienced +feelings far more oppressive than those against +which he guarded.</p> + +<p>Now the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill was +also a man of no mental exertion, but he was +a man of no mental power; he also was sensual, +but his was not a deliberate and studied sensuality, +it was purely animal and instinctive.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span> +He was an Epicurean, but not an Epicurean +philosopher. At Cambridge he had been acquainted +with this Mr Erpingham, and he had +admired the dextrous sophistry by which this +gentleman had proved the worse to be the better +cause. Mr Erpingham had also been proud of +the acquaintance with nobility, though Lord +Spoonbill was a younger man than he. And +they had become the confidents and companions +of each others profligacies.</p> + +<p>In a difficulty therefore of that kind to which +we have above alluded, it is not to be wondered +at that his lordship should enter into consultation, +or at least into conversation, concerning +the subject with his good friend Erpingham.</p> + +<p>We would not, however, have our readers +imagine that Lord Spoonbill was quite such a +ninny as to make it the subject of deliberate +consultation and express enquiry, to learn what +he ought to do on the present occasion; he +merely meant to make a call upon his friend, +and he was prompted to make that call by the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span> +circumstances in which he was then placed with +regard to Penelope Primrose. His object was +to talk the matter over, and he certainly could +not have selected a properer person to take part +in such conversation.</p> + +<p>The two friends had not met for some time; the +interview was agreeable therefore to both parties; +for they had a great mutual respect for each other: +Lord Spoonbill admired Mr Erpingham’s talents, +and Mr Erpingham had a high respect for Lord +Spoonbill’s title and high connexions.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Lord Spoonbill</span> was ushered into an apartment, +the air of which was warm and fragrant: +the warmth came from Newcastle, and the +fragrancy from Bond street. At first entering +the room his lordship saw not any one to whom +his name could have been announced. The +servant who had opened the door for him closed +it immediately behind him, and he seemed to +be in an empty apartment. By an instinct +natural to an Englishman he advanced towards +the fire-place, and there he presently saw on a +sofa, the back of which was towards the door, +his friend Erpingham reclining at full length, +and having before him an open volume placed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span> +on a low table, which had been constructed and +adapted for reading on a sofa. This was what +Erpingham called “reading made easy.”</p> + +<p>His lordship expressed by his looks some surprise +that his friend should not rise from the +sofa, and said, “Erpingham! are you unwell?”</p> + +<p>“Ah! Spoonbill, is it you? Excuse my not +rising to receive you; but the fact is, I have +been trying for the last hour and a half to get +into an easy position, and I have but just accomplished +it, and if I move now I shall not be +able to recover the position, and you know how +wretched that sensation is. Well, how are the +old materials?”</p> + +<p>This last question referred to the health of +the Earl and Countess of Smatterton; and it +was a phrase which Erpingham had learned +from Lord Spoonbill himself.</p> + +<p>To this question Lord Spoonbill made the +regular response, and continued,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span> “How is it, +Erpingham, that I never have the pleasure of +seeing you unless I ride over to you?”</p> + +<p>“Can’t say,” was the careless reply: “but,” +continued the Epicurean, “I am not partial to +mixed company. Now your house in town is too +multitudinous for me.—But my Clarissa tells +me that the Countess of Smatterton is going +to astonish the whole world by introducing a +new first-rate voice.”</p> + +<p>For explanation, it may be enough to inform +the reader that Clarissa held the same place in +Mr Erpingham’s establishment as Lord Spoonbill +wished Penelope to hold in his. His lordship +therefore was not sorry that the subject +should be thus introduced, and he replied:</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span></p> +<p>“Exactly so. But we have our doubts whether +the lady will, under present circumstances, +assent to the arrangement: for when she came +to London, it was as an orphan, but now her +father has returned from India after a long, and, +I suppose, a profitable absence. Mr Primrose, +the father, is now on his way from Smatterton, +and he has said in his letter to his daughter, +that he is about to place her in a home of his +own. So I fear we shall lose this star.”</p> + +<p>Mr Erpingham did not lay anything very +much to heart, and therefore he did not express +any serious lamentation on this probable loss. +He directed his remarks to other matters; and +among other questions which he asked of Lord +Spoonbill, alluding to the circumstances and +events of his lordship’s life, he enquired: “And +have you got rid of your dear little Ellen at last? +You had a great deal of trouble with her, I think +you told me some time ago.”</p> + +<p>Lord Spoonbill was quite as profligate as his +elegant friend, but he had not so successfully +and completely neutralized all his feelings. +Though his profligacy therefore was coarser +than that of Erpingham, and though his lordship +was not over gifted with sensibility, yet +he was not so entirely and systematically heartless. +To this question concerning poor Ellen +he shook his head, and said:</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span></p> + +<p>“Why, yes; I was sorry for the poor thing +too: she was very much in love with me at +one time, I really believe.”</p> + +<p>“Ay,” replied Erpingham, “that was bad. +It is quite annoying to have a woman in love +with one. I could not endure it. I make +it a rule never to encourage anything of the +kind. You were too much addicted to sentimentality +when you were at Cambridge. I suspect +now that you are more than half in love +with this Miss Primrose. Is she pretty and +silly?”</p> + +<p>Lord Spoonbill frowned at the question, and +did not answer it.</p> + +<p>“Oh, well,” replied his friend, “I have no +wish to be in your confidence. Pray don’t tell +me any more of your secrets than you wish +me to know. And if you are going to talk as +much nonsense to me about Miss Primrose as +you did two years ago about your ‘dear little +Ellen,’ I must beg to be excused. Positively, +Spoonbill, I have grown quite nervous of late.”</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span></p> + +<p>“I think,” replied his lordship, “you have +grown quite provoking. I have no intention of +boring your ears with any sentimentality, as you +are pleased to call it.”</p> + +<p>This being uttered in a petulant tone, and +Erpingham not liking to take the trouble of +replying in the same tone, contented himself +with indolently saying:</p> + +<p>“Well, well, don’t be angry. Say what you +please. I will bear it very patiently.”</p> + +<p>Lord Spoonbill having but little time to +spare, and being very desirous of unburthening +his mind to his friend, suffered this kind of +careless half-apology to extract from him the +secret of his attachment to Penelope. Erpingham +listened as attentively as he could to the +story, and when it was finished he yawned out, +“Ah! sure! But what assistance can I give +you?”</p> + +<p>It was not very easy to answer that question. +His lordship was more disposed indeed to ask +questions than answer them, and therefore, in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span>stead +of replying to the question of his friend, +he said: “Now what would you advise me to +do?”</p> + +<p>“Make her an offer of a handsome establishment. +I suppose she is violently in love +with you.”</p> + +<p>“I cannot be quite sure of that,” replied his +lordship; “but I believe I am not quite disagreeable +to her.”</p> + +<p>“There is something in that,” replied Erpingham; +“but not much. According to your account +of this Miss Primrose, it should seem +that she is of a good family, and perhaps the +arrangement that you contemplate would not be +acceded to.”</p> + +<p>“That,” answered his lordship, “is what I +most fear; and I will acknowledge to you that +I am so far in love, that rather than lose her +I would actually marry her.”</p> + +<p>“Marry her,” exclaimed the Epicurean; +“marry her! Impossible!” Saying this, Erpingham +roused himself from his indolent loung<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span>ing +posture, and with much greater energy than +he was accustomed to use, he said: “Spoonbill, +I am not much in the habit of either giving or +taking advice, but I will for once so far advise +you as to say, that if you contemplate marrying +Miss Primrose, you must not on any account +whatever make her any other offer.”</p> + +<p>“Why so?” replied his booby lordship, with +a stare of awkward astonishment.</p> + +<p>“Why so!” echoed his friend;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span> “because, if +the young lady has a proper sense of her own +dignity, she will not accept an offer of marriage +from one who has made her an offer of another +description; and if she has not that sense of +dignity, but merely makes a profitable market +of your passion for her, she will despise you for +a fond fool, and you, when your fondness is +over, will look upon her as a cunning, artful +baggage. I know nothing about Miss Primrose; +but I am very sure that no woman is fit to be +a wife who could ever forgive a proposal of a +different description.”</p> + +<p>The sagacious hereditary legislator could not +understand this logic, and he stared at his friend +as if he thought that he was crazy. “Bless +my soul, Erpingham,” at length he said, “what +nonsense you are talking. I really cannot understand +you. What can be more natural and +regular than to offer her marriage, if she will +not accept me on any other terms. You talk +about hating sentimentality; I am sure you +are now talking as much sentimentality as any +one need wish to hear.”</p> + +<p>Erpingham had exerted himself so much by +the two last speeches which he had made, as +not to wish to continue the discussion, or to +undergo any more blundering interrogations from +his noble friend; he therefore began to resume +his indolent attitude, and said, “Well, do as +you like best, Spoonbill, only remember I did +not refuse my advice when you asked it. Will +you stop now and take your dinner with me?”</p> + +<p>Lord Spoonbill was not any more disposed +than his friend to carry on the discourse, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span> +therefore declined the invitation to dine, and +made the best of his way home again. As he +rode homewards he attempted to think, but he +found no small difficulty in that mental operation. +There are some advertising schoolmasters who +profess to teach their pupils to think; but as +we were not educated in one of these thought-mongering +seminaries, we cannot think how +thinking can be taught. It may be possible, +for the only impossibility in these days is to +decide à priori that anything is impossible. +But we do verily believe that, had Lord Spoonbill +been at one of these establishments, he +would have puzzled his preceptor as much as +his preceptor would have puzzled him.</p> + +<p>By the time that his lordship had arrived at +home he had come to the conclusion of his +thinking, and the result was, that he thought +Erpingham to be quite an altered man; and +he also thought that he would not follow the +ridiculous advice which his friend had given +him.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span></p> + +<p>Penelope made her appearance at dinner, and +looked, as Lord Spoonbill said, most divinely. +How Lord Spoonbill should know what divine +looks are, we cannot tell: perhaps he meant +that Penelope looked like a parson. However +Penelope might look at dinner, it is very certain +that Lord Spoonbill looked very much at Penelope. +But the young lady’s thoughts were so +pleasingly and agreeably engaged, and her anticipations +were so delightful, that everybody +and everything appeared agreeable to her. It +was very different with the Countess of Smatterton. +Her anticipations were not very pleasant: +her ladyship apprehended that the return of +Mr Primrose to England would be the destruction +of her prospects, as far as they related to +Miss Primrose. Having already observed that +the young lady had manifested some reluctance +to the public exhibition of her musical talents, +the Countess very naturally supposed that Mr +Primrose would indulge an only child in whatever +fancy she might take up.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span></p> + +<p>It was unfortunate also for the Countess, that +she could not easily suppress her feelings of +displeasure or dissatisfaction when any of her +favourite fancies were disappointed. Having +already so far committed herself among her rival +prodigy-fanciers as to make a kind of preliminary +exhibition of her newly discovered wonder, +her ladyship felt that it would be very mortifying +indeed to make her appearance in town +without fulfilling the high promises which she +had made, and gratifying the expectations which +she had raised.</p> + +<p>It is mortifying to spend money for nothing; +but it is infinitely more mortifying to be at the +expense of a prodigious deal of condescension +to answer at last no good or self-gratifying +end. This was the loss and the mortification +which the Countess of Smatterton now suffered, +or at least anticipated. Instead therefore of +the usual courteous manner which her ladyship +had hitherto manifested towards the niece +of the late rector of Smatterton, there was cold<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span>ness, +haughtiness, and silence. The Earl of +Smatterton had not so quick a perception as +the Countess, and he had not anticipated any +disappointment in the return of Penelope’s +father to England. His lordship still continued +to sport the condescensions, and he did +not take any notice whatever of her ladyship’s +fit of ill-humour. When stupid men are henpecked +they often receive more pity than they +need, for they are very frequently insensible +to many of the ill-humours of their mates.</p> + +<p>Now, as the Countess was silent, an opportunity +was offered for his lordship to talk. +Happy would it be if all married people would +talk only one at a time.</p> + +<p>“And so, Miss Primrose,” thus spake the +Earl of Smatterton, “I find that you expect +shortly to see your father. It is a long while, +I think, since you have seen him?”</p> + +<p>“It is sixteen years, my lord,” answered +Penelope.</p> + +<p>“Sixteen years!” repeated his lordship:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> “you +will hardly recollect him. The meeting, I dare +say, will be very interesting. And may I ask, +what time in the day you expect your father?”</p> + +<p>“I fear it will be late in the day, my lord, +for my father will not arrive in London till +twelve or one o’clock. His letter tells me that +he will call soon after that time at your lordship’s +house in town, where he supposes I now +am.”</p> + +<p>“He will be disappointed at not finding you +in town,” said Lord Smatterton.</p> + +<p>There was much truth in this last remark of +his lordship’s. The Earl was somewhat remarkable +for the intense and unquestionable truth of +many of his remarks. He was by no means +given to what is called romancing. Indeed, +so exquisitely and unquestionably true was this +observation, that Penelope thought it needed +not the corroboration of her assent, but that it +must carry conviction to every mind. And so +it did; and especially to the mind of the Countess, +who immediately observed:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span> “Perhaps it +may be agreeable to Miss Primrose to go to +town early to-morrow morning for the purpose +of meeting her father.”</p> + +<p>Her ladyship made this proposal because she +had no desire to entertain Mr Primrose, and +she thought that if Penelope was to be taken +from her patronage at all, the sooner it was +done the better. What prodigious lies patrons +and patronesses do tell when they profess to +have no other object in view than the welfare +and happiness of those whom they patronise. +The Countess of Smatterton had been pleasing +herself with the thought that she should be +the talk of the season, as producing and exhibiting +such a prodigy as Miss Primrose; and +her ladyship, who was very partial to thanks, +had been enjoying the anticipation of Penelope’s +overpowering gratitude for such distinguished +and desirable patronage. But when all these +pleasant and agreeable speculations seemed to +burst like a bubble, then was her ladyship very +angry and morose; and it was her wish to let<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span> +Penelope know how deeply the disappointment +was felt. There were no words however which +her ladyship could use expressive of her feelings, +and at the same time reproachful to Miss +Primrose. It was not Penelope’s fault that her +father, after an absence of sixteen years, was +now returned to England; nor would it have +been proper and just ground of rebuke that the +young lady should be pleased at the thought of +seeing her father again, and be ready to yield +herself to his direction in preference to undergoing +the precarious patronage of the great.</p> + +<p>Lady Smatterton was not the less ill-humoured +because she had no just ground on which she +might utter the language of expostulation and +reproof to Penelope, but on the contrary her +anger was greater: for had there been an opportunity +of indulging in language of reproach, +that very circumstance would have been a relief +and consolation. It was not therefore with a +very agreeable intonation nor with the accompaniment +of the most gracious of all possible<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span> +looks that her ladyship proposed that Penelope +should go to town to meet her father. But the +poor girl being happy in her own thoughts, and +unconscious of anything done or said by her +that could be offensive to the Countess, was +quite unobservant of the harshness of her ladyship’s +manner, and thought only of the substantial +kindness of the proposal. To the suggestion +of the Countess Penelope therefore +replied with grateful and pleasurable vivacity:</p> + +<p>“Your ladyship is extremely kind; and, if +it is not giving too much trouble, I should certainly +be happy to take the earliest opportunity +of meeting my father.”</p> + +<p>“It will be giving no trouble,” hastily and +sharply replied her ladyship; “there are coaches +to town almost every hour. They will tell you +in the housekeeper’s room what time the first +coach goes.”</p> + +<p>Some high-spirited young ladies would have +been mightily indignant at a reference from a +nobleman’s table to the housekeeper’s room<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span> +and stage-coaches. But Penelope was not so +high-spirited; she was so completely occupied +with the thought of an early meeting with her +father, that nothing else was able to obtain possession +of her mind.</p> + +<p>A momentary pause followed the last observation +of the Countess; and then, in his own +peculiarly majestic manner, the Earl of Smatterton +said, “I am of opinion that it is not quite +proper and suitable for a young lady to travel +in a stage alone and unprotected.”</p> + +<p>With exquisite, and as if premeditated, +promptitude Lord Spoonbill replied, “Certainly +not; but there will be no necessity for +Miss Primrose going alone or in the stage-coach +at all. I shall drive up to town tomorrow +morning, and if the young lady will accept of +a seat in my gig, I shall be most happy in her +company.”</p> + +<p>Hereupon a general family frowning took +place. The Countess frowned at the Earl, his +lordship frowned at Lord Spoonbill, and Lord<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span> +Spoonbill frowned at the Countess; and if Penelope +had not been too polite she would have +laughed at all three. Lord Spoonbill, however, +in spite of frowns, determined to have his own +way, and seeing that Penelope was desirous of +going to town, insisted on accompanying her.</p> + +<p>The Countess was next puzzled how to part +with Miss Primrose; whether as concluding that +the young lady would not return to her and +adopt the profession which had been recommended +by her ladyship, or as admitting the +probability that Mr Primrose would not object +to the public employment of his daughter’s +musical talents. For with all her ladyship’s +alarm at the return of Mr Primrose to England, +it had not yet appeared that his return would +interfere with her ladyship’s schemes. The probability +however was, that when there was no +pecuniary necessity for the exercise of these +talents, they would not be cultivated for public +display.</p> + +<p>Before the Countess parted from Penelope for<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span> +the night, her ladyship said, “Miss Primrose, +as I presume that your father may not object +to the profession which I have chosen for you, +may I ask when it will be convenient for you +to take lessons previous to your public appearance: +for it is now time to think of that matter? +Of course you know that I have engaged a preceptor +for you?”</p> + +<p>The Countess of <ins title="original: Smattertno">Smatterton</ins> had more fears +than hopes on the subject, and as for Penelope +herself, she had taken it for granted that the +return of her father would of course release her +from dependence on strangers, and consequently +render all professional employment unnecessary. +She was therefore startled at the question, but +with tolerable promptitude and presence of mind, +replied:</p> + +<p>“I am grateful for your ladyship’s kindness. +But, till I have seen my father, it is impossible +to say when I can begin to apply myself to the +instruction so kindly provided. I will return +as soon as——”</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span></p> + +<p>The Countess understood this sentence, and +answered with rather more asperity than became +a kind and condescending patron: “You +need not trouble yourself to return to me, Miss +Primrose, unless you please to accept of the +instruction that I have provided for you. If I +confer favours I expect to choose what favours +I shall confer.”</p> + +<p>Penelope made no reply, for her heart was +full, and she thought of Mrs Greendale; but, +under all this, the joy at the thought of her +father’s return kept her spirits from sinking.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">It was</span> a very fine morning when Lord Spoonbill’s +gig was brought to the door to convey +Penelope to London. The young lady was joyful +even to tears. Hers was a joy of such intoxicating +and almost bewildering nature, that +it became necessary for her to exercise some +restraint over herself, lest she should make herself +ridiculous by ungoverned prating. Lord +Spoonbill was also pleased with the commission +which he had given to himself, to conduct the +young lady to town. But his pleasure was +mingled with thoughtfulness, and alloyed by +meditating and contriving. He not been inexperienced +in the winning of female affection,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span> +but he was conscious that there was in the mind +of Penelope something widely different from and +far superior to those with whom his former intimacies +had been.</p> + +<p>Deeply and seriously did he endeavour to +revolve in his mind the advice which he had +received from his friend Erpingham. But his +lordship’s mind was unfortunately too narrow +and contracted to afford room for anything to +turn round in it. He tried and tried, but all +to no purpose, to understand what Erpingham +could possibly mean, when he said that a +woman is not fit for a wife who can forgive +an offer of a different description. His lordship, +on the contrary, thought that a woman is not +fit for a wife who is of an unforgiving disposition.</p> + +<p>So far indeed as his lordship’s own personal +feelings were concerned he would have had no +objection whatever to offer his hand to Miss +Primrose; an offer which he thought of course +could not possibly be rejected. But then again<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span> +he thought of his dignity; and he remembered +how very severely he had spoken, and how very +contemptibly he had thought, of some titled individuals +who had so far compromised their dignity +as to marry from the lower orders. Yet there +was something so elegant and so naturally noble +in Penelope’s look, manner, expression, tone of +voice, carriage and person, that nature itself +seemed to have ennobled her. She seemed fitted +for any station in society. This was all very +true; but Lord Spoonbill could not for all this +reconcile his mind to the thought of raising Miss +Primrose to the exalted rank of the Spoonbill +family. He was fearful too that the degradation +would break his mother’s heart. All these +thoughts, if thoughts they might be called, with +myriads more of the same complexion and tendency, +passed through the mind, if mind he had +any, of the son and heir of the Right Honorable +the Earl of Smatterton.</p> + +<p>We have said it was a fine morning, and if +two of the English nation can on such a morning<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span> +travel together without talking about the fineness +of the weather, when it is really fine, they are +two that we have never seen, heard, or read of.</p> + +<p>“We have a beautiful morning for our ride, +Miss Primrose,” said Lord Spoonbill.</p> + +<p>“Beautiful, indeed,” replied Penelope; and +she said it with such energy, with such heart-bounding +glee, as if the sun had never shewn her +its cloudless face before. And never indeed had +it shone so brightly before to her. There is +something peculiarly and positively beautiful in +a fine bright day in the midst of winter. The +shortness of its light adds to its intensity and +condenses its interest. But when there is sunshine +within as well as without, and when the +heart is young, pure, hopeful and buoyant, then +is there felt a revelry of delight, a wantonness of +happiness. So felt Penelope on this bright and +brilliant winter’s morning. And when there was +added to the joyous feeling within and to the +effect of the spirit-stirring anticipation with +which she set out on her journey, the bracing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span> +and sharpening of an almost frosty air, her fine +countenance was suffused with as brilliant a hue +as ever graced the human countenance. As far +as life excels the art of the sculptor, so far did +the countenance of Penelope on this morning’s +journey excel in brightness and beauty its +ordinary expression. “We are not stocks and +stones.” So thought Lord Spoonbill when he +gazed on the lovely one who sat beside him. He +almost felt the majesty of loveliness, and was +almost awed into reverence.</p> + +<p>And did not the thought then occur to his +lordship, that the scheme which he was meditating +must of necessity destroy that peace, that +happiness, that purity, which now formed so +lovely and interesting a picture? Did not some +recollection of beauty prematurely fading, of the +burning blushes of self-reproach, of the convulsive +throbbings of breaking hearts, of memory +burdened and writhing under the agony of +thoughts it cannot bear and cannot forget, come +into the mind of the Right Honorable Lord<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span> +Spoonbill? Did he not recollect poor Ellen, +lovely in her simplicity, happy in her innocence, +the light of her home and the joy of her +widowed mother’s heart? And did he not think +of that same Ellen dropping the tears of agonizing +penitence on that mother’s dying pillow, +and wandering now, for aught he knew to the +contrary, a houseless, shivering, desolate outcast?</p> + +<p>No such thoughts entered his mind. Selfishness +and sensuality predominated over, or excluded +all other feelings. He used all the art of +which he was master to render himself agreeable +to his companion during their short journey. He +also exerted all his power of observation to see +whether any symptoms betrayed an interest in +him on the part of Penelope. But in the brightness +of her looks, and the joyousness of her +features, no other emotions were visible and no +other thoughts could be read. His lordship +was convinced that he could not possibly live +without her, and he resolved that at all events he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span> +would make known his admiration by words +as well as by looks. Like all the rest of the +world, preferring his own judgment to the advice +of any other, he determined that the offer of +marriage should be reserved till he should ascertain +that no other was likely to succeed.</p> + +<p>The journey was soon over. They arrived at +the Earl of Smatterton’s town mansion full two +hours before it was likely that Mr Primrose +should be in town. Ten thousand thanks were +given by the grateful Penelope for the kindness +of his lordship, and unnumbered acknowledgments +of the goodness and condescension of the +Earl and Countess of Smatterton. Such were +the joyous feelings of the young lady, that these +thanks and acknowledgments were expressed +with unusual earnestness and warmth of manner; +and such was the modesty of Lord Spoonbill, +that for himself and for his right honorable +parents he disclaimed all right and title to such +a profusion of thanks.</p> + +<p>“I beg, Miss Primrose,” said his modest lord<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span>ship, +“that you will not so overwhelm us with +your thanks. We are but too happy in having +had it in our power to afford you any little accommodation.”</p> + +<p>“Oh my lord, you are very kind, very kind. +But I am almost afraid that I have said or done +something to offend her ladyship, the Countess; +for, when I took my leave last night, her ladyship +spoke to me as in anger. I fear I did +wrong in so readily accepting the offer to come +to town to meet my father.”</p> + +<p>To the ear of Lord Spoonbill there was something +exceedingly graceful and musical in the +tone with which this language was uttered. There +is indeed an indescribable beauty in the accents +of a grateful mind fearful of having offended +its benefactor. His lordship was aware of his +mother’s feelings on the subject of the probable +loss of Penelope, and his lordship was himself +also fearful of losing her. But he did not use +the language of harshness under that apprehen<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span>sion, +he sought rather to retain her by kindness +of expression. Assuming therefore an unusual +tenderness and considerateness of manner, he +took the young lady’s hand, as if unconsciously, +but in truth designedly, and holding the hand +with sufficient firmness to prevent it being withdrawn, +but not so as to excite suspicion or +thought of intentional seriousness, he said:</p> + +<p>“I am very sorry that anything which the +Countess may have said, has given you uneasiness; +but my mother has a peculiar earnestness +and hastiness of manner, that you have mistaken +for anger. No one can ever be offended with +Miss Primrose.”</p> + +<p>There was a little pause, during which Lord +Spoonbill endeavoured to catch a glance of the +expression of Penelope’s countenance, without +appearing to make any particular observation; +and, in this short pause, Penelope almost sighed. +Lovers delight to hear sighs, and Lord Spoonbill +was especially pleased at this symptom of emo<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span>tion +in Miss Primrose. Retaining her hand +therefore, and softening his tone down to deeper +tenderness, he continued:</p> + +<p>“The Countess no doubt will be sorry to lose +you, if the return of your father necessarily involves +that condition. But let us hope that may +not be the case.”</p> + +<p>Having thus spoken, his lordship pressed +the young lady’s hand more emphatically, and +sighed. Now, by rights, Penelope should at this +have started up, and suddenly withdrawing her +hand, knitting her brows, advancing three steps +backward and darting a look of indignation at +his lordship, should have exclaimed, “Unhand +me, my lord; what is the meaning of this language?” +But Penelope neither did nor said anything +of the kind. For the word ‘unhand’ was +not in her dictionary, and she had been too long +acquainted with Lord Spoonbill to expect that +he should be able to explain the meaning of all +he said. There was also another reason why the +young lady did not thus express indignation<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span> +and astonishment; namely, that having no suspicion +of the views or intentions of his lordship, +she did not observe or rightly interpret his language +and his sigh. In addition to this, it may +be also supposed that the expectation of her +father’s arrival had some influence in rendering +her unobservant of everything else.</p> + +<p>Emboldened by the unresisting manner in +which Penelope listened to his conversation, his +lordship proceeded to speak less equivocally, +and grasping with both his hands the still unremoved +hand of Penelope, and assuming a look +and tone of tenderness, he said:</p> + +<p>“Pardon me, Miss Primrose, if I seize this +first and perhaps last opportunity of avowing how +dearly I do love you.”</p> + +<p>His lordship was about to say much more on +the same interesting topic, but Miss Primrose +interrupted him. The manner in which the interruption +was given was rather singular, and did +not seem at all favorable to his lordship’s hopes. +For, instead of looking serious and frowning and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span> +attitudinizing, the young lady merely withdrew +her hand, and said with a smile:</p> + +<p>“My lord, I hope you are only jesting; but +my feelings are too much interested with the +thought of presently meeting my father, to allow +me now even to enter into the humour of a +jest.”</p> + +<p>Thereupon his lordship rose from his seat, laid +his hand upon his heart, and directed to Miss +Primrose a look, which would, on the stage, +have called down deafening plaudits from the +back of the one shilling gallery to the front row +of the pit, and with indescribable earnestness +exclaimed, “By heavens, Miss Primrose, I am +serious!”</p> + +<p>To that declaration the young lady replied +seriously, “Then, my lord, I am very sorry to +hear it.”</p> + +<p>Thus speaking, Penelope went towards the +window, leaving his lordship to think what he +should say next. The enamoured hereditary +legislator then, undaunted by the smiles or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span> +frowns of Miss Primrose, followed the young +lady to the window, and in less impassioned but +mildly persuasive tones continued his address, +saying:</p> + +<p>“Miss Primrose, may I request of you the +favor to hear me?”</p> + +<p>“Certainly, my lord,” replied Penelope, “if +you will hear me first.”</p> + +<p>“Most willingly,” replied his lordship.</p> + +<p>“Then, my lord,” continued Penelope, “I +must be permitted to say that I feel very much +hurt and surprised at what you have already +said. You have recalled to my mind thoughts +that I would willingly have forgotten; this allusion +will suffice to let your lordship understand +the state of my feelings. I hope you will forbear +the unpleasant discussion. Indeed”—here her +voice was feebler, and her lip quivered, and +the full tear was in her eyes, and her whole frame +trembled, but she did not look the less lovely +for this emotion; summoning an effort, she +continued, “For mercy’s sake, my lord, let me<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span> +meet my father as composedly as I possibly can. +In less than an hour he will be here. Pray do +not rob our meeting of its happiness.”</p> + +<p>In saying this she threw herself into the +nearest chair, and covering her face with her +handkerchief she sobbed and wept, and in spite +of herself thought of Robert Darnley. The Right +Honorable Lord Spoonbill also sat down, and +thought of Nick Muggins and the indescribable +pony. But his lordship neither wept nor +blushed. We record this fact rather for its truth +than its beauty. It seems indeed an encouragement +to such sparks as, in their transgressions, +sometimes feel remorse; for it is as much as to +say that, by practice, they will become so familiarized +with meanness and cruelty as to cease to +feel ashamed of them.</p> + +<p>His lordship for a few minutes was silent. +But as soon as Penelope was a little more composed, +he said;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span> “I am very much concerned, +Miss Primrose, for the uneasiness which I have +occasioned you, and so far from wishing to +interrupt the happiness of your meeting with +your father I will retire, that you may compose +yourself. Only let me request that I may have +the honor of being introduced to Mr Primrose +after your first meeting is over.”</p> + +<p>This was all very rational and proper, and the +kind, considerate manner in which it was spoken +pleased Penelope very much, and she made her +acknowledgments for the kindness with so +much grace as to fascinate his lordship more +than ever. He thought he had never seen so +lovely and interesting a creature in his life. He +apologized for having introduced such a subject +so inopportunely, and attributed it solely to the +fear that the arrival of her father might preclude +him from speaking on the subject at a future +time.</p> + +<p>When the poor girl was left alone, it was no +easy matter for her to arrange her scattered +thoughts and to bring herself back to that state +of holiday extasy with which she had begun the +day. Nor was much time afforded her for the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span> +purpose; for, not many minutes after the departure +of Lord Spoonbill, the arrival of Mr +Primrose was announced. There seemed to +Penelope to be scarcely any interval between +hearing a carriage stop at the door, and finding +herself embraced in the arms of her long lost +father.</p> + +<p>Over a scene like this all modest dramatists +would drop the curtain, knowing that imagination +would be rather impeded than assisted by +farther exhibition.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">To</span> continue that reference to the drama with +which the preceding chapter was concluded, it +may be remarked that, when the curtain has +fallen thus abruptly on one scene, the spectators +do not anticipate that, on its being drawn +up again, the eye should be greeted with any +continuation of that scene; but rather do they +look for some great and decided transition. Our +readers therefore will not now be surprised if +we take them back again to Neverden and +Smatterton. They are pleasant villages, and +their inhabitants are for the most part unartificial +people.</p> + +<p>It is a fact worthy of notice, and we have no<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span> +doubt that our observant readers have already +remarked it, that all the personages in those +two villages of whom we have yet spoken, have +had that delectable and pleasing feeling of their +own importance, by which they have considered +that the world has been under infinite obligations +to them. To have that feeling strongly +and genuinely, is a real happiness; and if there +has ever been any human being whom we have +envied, it has been P. P., clerk of this parish, +especially while he was writing his own memoirs. +To endeavour to rob any one of this sense, is +cruel, heart-rendingly cruel and barbarous; but +fortunately for human happiness, this robbery +cannot easily be effected.</p> + +<p>But though the good people of these villages +had this feeling in a very high and pure degree, +yet it is not altogether confined to them; and +if the Reverend Mr Darnley, in his vigintennial +visits to London, has been rather angry and +offended at the rude behaviour of the people in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span> +the streets who have jostled and driven against +him, without having the grace to move their hats +to him, that self-same Mr Darnley has in his +turn inflicted upon a distinguished inhabitant +of the great metropolis as serious a mortification +as his reverence experienced from metropolitan +neglect.</p> + +<p>We have introduced to our readers the Rev. +Charles Pringle; we have now to introduce that +gentleman’s first-cousin, Zephaniah Pringle, Esq. +This illustrious personage was not a native, but +had long been an inhabitant, of the great metropolis, +and, according to his own view of the +matter, a great ornament to it. He was a literary +man. He had been destined by his parents +for agricultural pursuits, but his genius was +above them. The circumstances, the trifling circumstances, +which tend to develope the powers +of the mind and to direct the energies into their +proper channel, are always worthy of notice. +Everybody knows the story of Sir Isaac Newton<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span> +and the apple. But everybody does not know, +but soon will know, the circumstances which +made Zephaniah Pringle a critic.</p> + +<p>When Zephaniah was about twelve years old +he was taken to Smatterton by his father, who +had to make a call of business on Mr Kipperson. +While Mr Pringle and Mr Kipperson were +engaged in looking at some cattle which the +latter had to dispose of, young Pringle was +gaping about in the library, and admiring with +great veneration all its literary wonders; but +that which most powerfully arrested his attention +was a plaister bust of Dr Johnson. And +when the agricultural gentlemen returned to the +library, Zephaniah, pointing to the bust, said, +“Father, was that there thick-headed man a +heathen philosopher?”</p> + +<p>Mr Kipperson, who was pleased with the +young gentleman’s manifestation of a taste for +literature and philosophy, kindly corrected the +misapprehension of the youth, and said,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span> “No, +my lad, the heathen philosophers did not wear +wigs. That is a bust of Dr Johnson, the celebrated +critic and lexicographer.”</p> + +<p>Zephaniah, with open mouth and expanded +eyes, stared his thanks to Mr Kipperson, who +immediately asked the young gentleman if he +was fond of reading. To which he replied in the +affirmative. Whereupon Mr Kipperson kindly +lent the youth Boswell’s Life of Dr Johnson.</p> + +<p>From that moment young Pringle felt an +irresistible impulse to become a man of letters; +and with a view to gratify that ambition, his +father was kind enough to let him have another +quarter’s Latin, in order to give him an +opportunity to perfect himself in classical literature.</p> + +<p>Thus qualified, the young man in due time +went up to London. In the great metropolis +he soon divested himself of the rusticity of his +manners, and after some few failures in the +first instance, for want of knowing the proper +knack of writing, he soon acquired a tolerable +facility, and absolutely once wrote something<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span> +that was talked about. From that moment he +never saw two people talking together in a +bookseller’s shop, without fancying that they +were talking about Zephaniah Pringle.</p> + +<p>He took great pains to imitate Dr Johnson; +but his literary companions detected him and +laughed at him. He had but a slender frame +and a slender voice; and when he attempted +the oracular and the pompous style, it was like +playing the Hallelujah Chorus on a fife. He +could not adopt the doctor’s Jacobitism, but +he took instead of that a double extra super-Eldon +high Toryism. And in religion, not that +he ever went to church, he was decidedly of +opinion that all dissenters and Roman Catholics +were convinced that the church of England +was the only true church, but that they would +not conform merely out of spite. It was his +opinion that the Duke of Wellington would +never have driven the French out of Spain, +had he not always made a point of hearing all +his soldiers every day say the church catechism.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span></p> + +<p>He had a praiseworthy and prodigious horror +of gymnastics; they came from Greece, and +the ancient Greeks were republicans. In his +notion of mechanics’ institutes he was exceedingly +ungrateful to Mr Kipperson, who patronized +him and them too; and when Mr Kipperson +once proposed to establish a mechanics’ +institute at Smatterton for the benefit of the +agricultural operatives, this Zephaniah Pringle +had the impudence to write him a long letter +on the subject, accusing him of a design to +subvert the established church, and convert +England into a republic. Mr Kipperson gave +up the scheme, not because of this letter, but +because, when he assembled the people of the +village in one of his barns to read them a +lecture on hydrostatics, every soul of them fell +fast asleep.</p> + +<p>There was another subject on which Mr Zephaniah +Pringle had very strong opinions,—viz. +West India slavery. He very properly laughed +at the absurdity of supposing that negroes have<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span> +the slightest objection to be flogged to death; +and he knew that the only object which the +abolitionists had in view, was <ins title="original: too verturn">to overturn</ins> the +established church.</p> + +<p>Mr Zephaniah Pringle had a most exquisite +conceit of his own superlative wisdom and penetration. +This gentleman must have experienced +therefore a sensation of great delight +in taking his important self down to Smatterton +to visit Mr Kipperson and surprise the natives. +But how great must have been his astonishment, +when introduced by Mr Kipperson at the rectory +of Neverden, to find that Mr Darnley the elder +had never heard of the name and fame of Zephaniah +Pringle. He consoled himself, however, +with the reflection, that many other names great +as his own were equally unknown to this obscure +village parson.</p> + +<p>Finding that the young ladies of Mr Darnley’s +family were addicted to reading, the critic +kindly administered his gratuitous and unasked +commentaries on divers modern and ancient +authors. He astonished the daughters of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span> +rector of Neverden by opinions hitherto unheard +and unthought of. The confidence of his manner +passed for wisdom and decided apprehension +of the subjects on which he spoke; and as he +took care to let it be thoroughly understood +that all who differed from him were fools, and +as literary young ladies do not like to be considered +fools, they of course assented to Zephaniah +Pringle’s opinions on literary topics.</p> + +<p>In his conversation with Mr Darnley the +younger he found that, by talking literature, he +did not seem to magnify himself to his heart’s +content; for Robert Darnley did not believe that +critics were conjurors. The genius then had +recourse to talk concerning those persons of +high style and dignity with whom he had the +honor to be acquainted. Among other great +names, he mentioned that of Lord Smatterton, +and the scarcely less illustrious name of Lord +Spoonbill.</p> + +<p>“You are acquainted then with Lord Spoonbill?” +said Robert Darnley.</p> + +<p>“Oh yes, perfectly well,” replied the critic.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span></p> + +<p>“And pray what kind of man is this Lord +Spoonbill? for, though the family resides in the +next village, I am totally unacquainted with +them.”</p> + +<p>“Lord Spoonbill himself is the best creature +in the world. The Earl of Smatterton is a +proud, haughty man, like the rest of the Whig +aristocracy.”</p> + +<p>“Then Lord Spoonbill is not so very proud?”</p> + +<p>“I cannot say that Lord Spoonbill is altogether +without pride. He has very high notions; +but his manner is not pompous like his father’s. +And he can be very agreeable, though he is by +no means a man of any great share of intellect.”</p> + +<p>“I have heard him spoken of,” replied Robert +Darnley, “as being a very profligate man.”</p> + +<p>“I believe,” said the critic, “he is rather +gay, but not more so than most young men of +his rank. The finest joke in the world is, that +his father, the Earl of Smatterton, thinks that +he is one of the gravest and steadiest young men +of the age, and quotes him as such accordingly.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span> +But the fact is, that his lordship has lately taken +under his protection a lady, now received at Lord +Smatterton’s table.”</p> + +<p>Robert Darnley could not believe his own +senses. The language which he now heard from +Zephaniah Pringle seemed to allude plainly +enough to Penelope, but it could not be possible, +he thought, that a young lady of such +high and pure spirit as Miss Primrose could +ever submit to an arrangement so truly humiliating. +Suppressing and concealing his agitation +as well as he could, he endeavoured to +ascertain from the man of letters what was +really the fact concerning Lord Spoonbill and +this, as yet unnamed, young lady.</p> + +<p>“Surely, Mr Pringle, you do not mean to say +that Lord Spoonbill has a lady in keeping, whom +he introduces to his father’s table? This is really +beyond all credence.”</p> + +<p>“But indeed, sir, I do mean it,” replied Zephaniah +the critic:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span> “and, if you have never heard +the story, I can tell you all the particulars.”</p> + +<p>“It is no business of mine,” said Darnley, +“but I do feel curious to know the particulars +of so very singular a case, as a young man +bringing a kept lady to his father’s own table.”</p> + +<p>“It is not altogether so,” replied Mr Pringle; +“but I will tell you exactly how the case stands; +I know Spoonbill very intimately.”</p> + +<p>This last expression was uttered as everybody +would naturally suppose such an expression +would be uttered by such a man. After +thoroughly enjoying the high and refined satisfaction +of having said, “I know Spoonbill +very intimately,” the loyal and religious critic +proceeded:</p> + +<p>“You must remember old Greendale, the +rector of Smatterton, who was my cousin’s predecessor +in the living. He died a very short +time before you returned from India. This old +man had a very pretty niece, you know; you +must remember her, for I understand that she +lived with old Dr Greendale from her infancy.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, certainly,” said Darnley, with much<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span> +effort concealing the agitation which he felt; +“I remember her very well, her name is Primrose; +but you surely do not mean to say that +Miss Primrose is living under the protection +of Lord Spoonbill?”</p> + +<p>Hereupon Mr Pringle did somewhat hesitate +and say, “Why, why—I cannot exactly say +that—that she is absolutely living under his +protection. She is rather living under the protection +of Lady Smatterton as yet. You perhaps +may not know that Miss Primrose has a +remarkably fine voice, and is in fact a first-rate +vocalist: now Lady Smatterton is a great patroness +of musical talent, and has taken a fancy +to bring Miss Primrose out this season as a +public singer, and Lord Spoonbill has made +proposals, which I believe have been accepted +by the lady; and she is to be under his lordship’s +protection as soon as she leaves Lord +Smatterton’s house, and that will be very soon. +That is the true state of the case. I wonder +you have never heard of it before; for though<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span> +you have been from India a very short time, yet +in country places intelligence flies very rapidly.”</p> + +<p>“Well, you astonish me,” said Mr Darnley +the younger; “I could not have thought that +a young lady, brought up by such an exemplary +and virtuous man as the late Dr Greendale, +should ever condescend to live upon those terms +with the first nobleman in the kingdom.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, sir,” replied the knowing critic, “you +do not understand the heart, especially the +female heart. There is something in title and +splendour so fascinating to the weaker sex, +that few can resist its influence. I have observed +and studied the human mind in all its +various attitudes, and I have lived in the world +long enough to cease to be astonished at anything +I hear or see. In such an outlandish +place as India you see nothing and learn nothing. +London is the only place where the +human character can be thoroughly and properly +studied.”</p> + +<p>Much more to the same purpose did the fluent<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span> +cousin of the new rector of Smatterton say to +the son of the rector of Neverden. But Robert +Darnley heard him and heeded him not. Deeply +did the intelligence concerning Penelope sink +into his mind, and painfully did he revolve the +idle gossip of the loyal and religious critic, +who had properly and thoroughly studied human +nature, in his lodgings in Fetter lane, Holborn.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">The</span> day which followed immediately after +the above-mentioned conversation, was destined +for a grand dinner party at the mansion of Sir +George Aimwell, Bart. Preparations were made +for a splendid entertainment. It was not an +easy matter to get together a large party in that +neighbourhood without admitting to the table +some individuals of dubious dignity. There was, +for instance, the equivocal Mr Kipperson, at +once landlord and tenant, gentleman and farmer; +but then he was so zealous a friend to the +interest of agriculture. He was so thoroughly +enlightened on the corn question, that the +great men of Smatterton and Neverden could<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span> +not but respect him. Sir George Aimwell also +liked Mr Kipperson, because he was a bad +shot, and had so ardent a zeal against poachers.</p> + +<p>This party was assembled, among other objects, +for the purpose of welcoming to England the son +of the rector of Neverden. But Robert Darnley +was by no means in spirits for the enjoyment of +festivity. He was sorry for what he had heard +from Zephaniah Pringle, and he was angry that +he was sorry, and then again sorry that he was +angry.</p> + +<p>It had been unfortunate for him that there +had been such silence observed on the subject +of his correspondence and acquaintance with +Penelope. Scarcely any one but the parties +concerned knew anything of the matter. Mr +Kipperson suspected it, and the Smatterton +family had been informed of it by Mr Darnley, +because the reverend gentleman thought it but +respectful to let them into the secret. As for +Sir George Aimwell, he scarcely knew or thought +of anything, except administering justice and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span> +killing birds. The Reverend Charles Pringle, +rector of Smatterton, was also quite unaware of +the existence of any correspondence between +Robert Darnley and Penelope Primrose. No +wonder then that, under the present awkward +circumstances, and with the false account which +Zephaniah, the critic, had brought from London, +there should be in the hearing of Robert Darnley +much conversation by no means agreeable +to his feelings, or soothing to his mind.</p> + +<p>When the party began to assemble they began +also to talk: but at the first their talk was very +desultory and common-place. The worthy baronet +was congratulated by Mr Kipperson on +having caught a poacher, and was condoled with +by the same gentleman on having lost almost +his whole brood of pheasants. It is astonishing +that any one can be so simple as not to see +that pheasants were obviously created to be shot +by gentlemen and noblemen only, or their gamekeepers. +There was also much talk about horses +and dogs, and the poor-rates, and Mr Malthus,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span> +and parish settlements, and the agricultural interest.</p> + +<p>It is very erroneously stated by many persons, +both in writing and in speaking, that the period +between the first arrival of the company and the +serving up of the dinner is most weary, stale, +flat and unprofitable. But as there is no spot +of earth so barren as not to produce some curiosity +to reward the toil and gratify the taste +of the botanist, so there is no attitude or condition +of our being which may not yield some +fruit of instruction and amusement to the moral +botanist. We deserve the thanks of our readers +for much that we communicate in the way of +information and amusement, but perhaps for +nothing so much as for directing their attention +to the great and valuable truth, that even the +usually-considered dreary half hour before dinner +is not absolutely barren and worthless. Peradventure +also, by directing the attention to this +matter, we may prevent many a dinner from +being spoiled, because we thus present a strong<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span> +inducement to an early arrival. He that arrives +first is pretty certain that the rest of the company +can have no opportunity of pulling his +character to pieces behind his back. For when +the host expresses to the rest of his party his +wonder that Mr Smith is not come, then the +good people who are hungry and impatient begin +to talk about Mr Smith, and they use him +ungently, treating his transgressions with no +candour, and honoring his virtues with no encomium. +There is also something very curious in +observing the different effects which dining produces +on different persons. Some will enter +the drawing-room brimfull of intelligence, telling +everybody everything that everybody knows, and +nobody cares about. There are people who entertain +the strange notion that tongues were +made to talk about mere matters of fact; and +when they have said their say, they are silent +for the rest of the evening. There are again +others who, before dinner, look as wise and as +stupid as owls; who seem at a most painful loss<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span> +what to do with their hands, or their feet, or +their eyes; who having no motive to look at +one object in the room more than at another, +let their eyes roll unmeaningly and incessantly +about as if they were endeavouring to keep them +open without looking at anything. But when +these apparently inanimate imitations of Chinese +Mandarins have had their dinner, their looks are +brightened and their tongues loosened, and as +before dinner they seemed as if they were wishing +most ardently for an opportunity to simper +at something which might be said by another, +they after dinner give forth that which interests +and delights. The period before dinner is also +one of great importance for the exhibition of +personal decoration. Then, and then only, has +dress its right display, and its full complement +of observers. In this brief digression it is impossible +to enter into one half, or one twentieth +of the particulars which may interest and delight +an observant mind. “Sermons in stones and +good in everything,” is one of the most true<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span> +and most valuable expressions which the pen of +Shakspeare ever wrote. But to proceed.</p> + +<p>There was, as we have said above, much miscellaneous +talk before dinner at this “grand +miscellaneous” entertainment, given by Sir +George Aimwell. Mr Kipperson strutted about +the room with his hands in his pockets, looking +as wise as a conjuror and as pleased as Punch, +saying something scientific or agricultural to +every one there. The Reverend Charles Pringle +made his appearance also time enough to show +the company how possible it was to violate the +decorum of clerical attire without actually transgressing +the literal regulations. Lady Aimwell +received much of that gentleman’s polite attention; +and the daughters of Mr Darnley were +also not unnoticed. The new rector of Smatterton +was very clever at conundrums, some new +ones of his own making were graciously communicated +to the young ladies. Zephaniah Pringle, +the critic, was pleased to look very important, +and to feel his dignity and intellectuality mightily<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span> +hurt, because the talk, such as it was, had no +interest for him. He was much at a loss to +think how it was possible for human beings to +take an interest in such unintellectual things +as corn, cattle, game and poor-laws; and he +thought the people were great blockheads because +they talked about what concerned themselves. +Robert Darnley received the congratulations +of his friends; but he received them coldly, +for his mind was not at ease.</p> + +<p>Now after much talk, miscellaneous and desultory, +several of the party, while yet they were +waiting for dinner, congregated together at one +of the windows, and their talk was almost in +whispers. Zephaniah Pringle was one of that +select committee, and he was speaking very +gravely and very knowingly, and Sir George +Aimwell was looking as much as to say, “I am +very sorry for it.” Mr Darnley the elder was +also one of the whispering group, and looked +as serious and solemn as any one of them; and +every now and then he turned his eyes suspi<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span>ciously +and inquiringly towards his son. The +young gentleman more than suspected what was +the subject of their discourse; and as the rector +of Neverden was the only one of the party who +had any suspicion of the interest which Robert +Darnley took in the person concerning whom the +discussion was made, they did not very carefully +subdue and suppress their voices, but they +spoke loudly enough to be heard in their whispering, +and the name of Primrose was heard by +Robert Darnley, and in spite of his high spirit +he felt sick at heart. And though he felt little +appetite for dinner, he was glad of the announcement, +which relieved him from hearing, or rather +fancying that he heard, talk that told of the +shame of Penelope.</p> + +<p>Oh, that our pen could write strongly as +our heart feels against those villanous, viper-souled, +low-minded, merciless reptiles, who, from +motives too grovelling and dirty to be analyzed, +impertinently by their ill-digested calumnies, +mutilate and mangle the fairest reputation, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span> +sully the purest characters. Never can such +vermin be sufficiently punished or adequately +vituperated, for they are absolutely incapable +of feeling such racking mental agonies as they +inflict on others. What could such a heartless +puppy as Zephaniah Pringle feel of mental +and heart-rending agony, compared with that +which Robert Darnley experienced, when he +had reason to think that the high-minded, +clear-souled Penelope, whom he had loved for +her purity, her moral as well as personal beauty, +had so far forgotten all good feelings and all +high thoughts as to sink down into a character +for which refined language has no name?</p> + +<p>The baronet’s table was splendidly covered, +and the guests were as well pleased in demolishing +as the cook had been in constructing +and compiling the various specimens of culinary +art. Sir George Aimwell paid, as was proper, +especial attention to Robert Darnley, and endeavoured +to draw the young man into conversation, +or, more properly speaking, to provoke<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span> +him into narrative. To such questions as were +asked he gave an ample and intelligent answer, +but he proceeded no further; he did not seem +desirous to obtrude himself upon the attention +of the company.</p> + +<p>Table-talk was by no means the forte of the +worthy baronet; but when he had a party he +generally exerted himself: and as he was very +well aware that, in his own proper person, and +from his own peculiar stores, he was by no +means a man of talk, he very considerately endeavoured +to set in motion other tongues than +his own. On the present occasion he thought, +that as Mr Robert Darnley had been long +abroad, he would most likely be best able to +entertain the guests. But when the hospitable +host observed how very slowly and reluctantly +the young man brought out the stores of his +information, he next directed his attention to +Zephaniah Pringle, who was not so reserved. +He spoke fluently, and readily, and oracularly. +Sir George, though not a man of letters, was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span> +ready enough to indulge his guests, or to suffer +them, if they would, to indulge themselves, with +literary conversation; and it was a great happiness +to Zephaniah Pringle to let the inhabitants +of Smatterton and Neverden know how great a +man was in their company. Yet there was a +little abatement from the purity and intensity +of that enjoyment, in the observing how inapt +they seemed to be in comprehending which +were the first publications of the day, and +which were productions of inferior note. Some +of the party asked strange things about reviews +and magazines, and Zephaniah was astonished +that there should be in any part of Great +Britain such complete, total darkness, and intellectual +neglect, as that his own peculiar periodical +should be altogether unknown even by +name. He attributed their ignorance to mere +spite, or thought that Lord Smatterton, being a +Whig, had made it a point to conceal from his +country neighbours the existence of that periodical, +which, by the means of pastry-cooks and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span> +tobacconists, had an immense circulation in the +metropolis. The daughters of Mr Darnley +listened with much reverence to the oracles of +Zephaniah the critic, and they thought him +prodigiously wise, because he thought differently +from everybody else. They asked his +opinion of every book which they remembered +having read: and they endeavoured to persuade +themselves to entertain the same opinions as +he did.</p> + +<p>If our readers imagine that, from what we +have said concerning the daughters of the rector +of Neverden, these young ladies were superficial +simpletons, we are desirous of removing +such impression. They were not conceitedly +confident in their own judgment; and, as they +were not much in the way of seeing or hearing +literary pretenders and intellectual quacks, they +gave Zephaniah Pringle credit for all that he +assumed. They did not think very highly of +themselves, and therefore they readily yielded +assent to the oracles of one who appeared so<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span> +competent and able to give an opinion. Many +others, besides the daughters of Mr Darnley, +have been at a first, or even second interview +with Zephaniah, very greatly deceived as to the +height, the depth, and the breadth, of the critic’s +understanding.</p> + +<p>This part of our narrative, though not directly +tending to the developement of the history, we +could not consent to pass by unnoticed; for +though it may not be very entertaining, it is instructive, +and it affords us an opportunity of +giving a valuable hint to our young readers. +The hint to which we allude, is to caution +them against too much modesty. Only suppose, +for instance, that such an empty-headed +coxcomb as Zephaniah Pringle had entertained +a fair opinion of his own understanding, or that +he had underrated his own intellectual powers +and stores, who would ever have found out that +he was superior to what he assumed? Who +would have taken the trouble to urge him to +assume a higher rank? Not one. But now<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span> +that he set himself up for a great one, who was +to detect the hollowness of his pretensions? +Not above one in a hundred. And who would +take the trouble to expose him? Not one in a +thousand. And who would take notice of the +exposure? Not one in ten thousand.</p> + +<p>In our next edition we will cancel this last +paragraph, if we find that modesty has ever made +its owner rich or celebrated. Modesty is certainly +very much to be praised, and if we were +candidate for any situation of honor or emolument, +or even for a good seat in a theatre, we +should very much approve of the modesty of +such as, having power to rival us, would meekly +and quietly stand out of our way.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">During</span> the night which followed the grand +dinner given by Sir George Aimwell, Robert +Darnley scarcely slept a single hour. He retired +to his apartment full of bitter and distracting +thoughts, almost tempted to believe that +there was truth in the foul libels that thoughtless +blockheads have uttered and written concerning +the gentler sex. He said to himself, +“Frailty! thy name is woman.” He was so +grieved, so pierced to the heart’s core, that he +forgot for a while all that he had heard, read, +or witnessed of woman’s devout affection, unwearied +kindness, heroic attachment, and moral +sublimity. And he thought not of the patience<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span> +with which woman bears the peevishness of our +infancy, the selfishness of our riper years, and +the capricious fretfulness of our declining age. +He was for a while angry and contemptuous, +professing to himself an indifference which he +did not feel, and fancying himself superior to +that weakness under which he was writhing and +labouring in bitter agony. Then there was a +change in the complexion of his thoughts, and +as the angry passions yielded to the approaching +drowsiness which health must periodically experience, +more tender and more gentle thoughts +subdued him. The eyelids were scarcely closed, +when imagination threw her rainbow light on past +days, and there stood before him, not quite in +a dream, the image of Penelope—lovely, bright, +and living. The momentary vision melted him, +and the effort to retain it banished it. Slowly +his slumbers crept again upon him, and the +vision was more distinct, and he could hear +again that sweet voice with which he had been +enraptured, and there was in his heart a repeti<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span>tion +of that swell of feeling with which he had +years ago taken his leave of her. So passed the +night.</p> + +<p>When morning came again, it found the +young man unrefreshed and unrested. But in +the family of the rector of Neverden there was +great regularity and punctuality. Robert Darnley +therefore made his appearance at breakfast +at the usual hour. It was impossible not to +see that his mind was painfully disturbed, and +it was also equally impossible not to conjecture +the cause of its agitation.</p> + +<p>A very unpleasant restraint sat upon the whole +party. Mr Darnley the elder would not speak +on the subject of his son’s altered appearance, +and Mrs Darnley and her daughters were reluctant +to introduce any mention of the matter, +unsanctioned by Mr Darnley. The hour of +breakfast was usually to that family a season +of social and cheerful talk, but on the present +occasion there was silence and restraint; and as +they abstained from addressing themselves to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span> +Robert, they also abstained from talking to one +another. When breakfast was over Mr Darnley +desired his son’s presence in the study.</p> + +<p>Robert Darnley knew he was destined to undergo +a lecture, and he braced himself up to +bear it with filial resignation. The young man’s +father prided himself on the fluency with which +he could talk in the way of admonition, and we +believe that he derived almost as much pleasure +from these exhibitions as his auditors did profit. +Sir George Aimwell used to say, that instead of +sending poachers to gaol, it would be a better +plan to send them to Mr Darnley to be talked +to; for the worthy baronet thought that they +would not readily expose themselves to the risk +of a second infliction. Those of our readers who +have never been talked to will not be able to +sympathize with Robert Darnley; those who +have, will pity him from the bottom of their +hearts.</p> + +<p>The young man promptly obeyed his father’s +commands and delayed not to attend him in the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span> +study; for he naturally supposed that the sooner +the lecture began the sooner it would be over. +The father seated himself and desired his son to +shut the door and seat himself too. These preliminary +steps having been taken, and Mr Darnley +having stirred and arranged the fire so amply +as to preclude the necessity of any more attention +to it for some time, thus began:</p> + +<p>“Robert, my dear boy, I wish to have some +little talk with you. I have not had much +opportunity of speaking to you since you came +home. Now, you know, I can have no other +object in view than your welfare. I do not +desire you to follow the advice I may give you, +unless you are convinced of its propriety. You +know of course what I am now alluding to—your +unhappy attachment to that unfortunate +young woman, Miss Primrose. For my part, I +cannot say that I altogether approved of it in +the first instance; but I said nothing. I knew +the impetuosity of your character and the obstinacy +of your disposition, and therefore I con<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span>cluded +that opposition might do more harm than +good. I hoped that, in time, your own good +sense would let you see that it was not a suitable +connexion for you. I do not say indeed +that I have ever observed anything absolutely +improper in the conduct of Miss Primrose; but +I must be permitted to say, that there was +too much pride in her manner, considering her +station and expectations. Of the young woman’s +father I knew comparatively nothing, except that +he had gambled away his property and broken +his wife’s heart. Mr Primrose did call here, +as you know; but I must confess to you I was +not much pleased with his manners. I was +under the disagreeable necessity of rebuking +him for taking the name of the Lord in vain. +As for the young woman herself, of course you +must relinquish all thoughts of her after what +you have heard from Mr Pringle. Now let me +advise you to banish her from your mind at +once. I am sorry to see that your thoughts +are still too much dwelling upon her. You<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span> +make your mother and your sisters and me very +uncomfortable by these gloomy looks. Why +can you not be cheerful as you used to be? +What have you to regret? You ought rather +to be grateful that you have been rescued from +such a marriage, and that it cannot be said that +the dissolution of the acquaintance arose from +your own caprice. I think that the young +woman did not manifest a very great sense of +propriety when she so readily adopted the profession +of a public singer. And what would +the world say, should the report ever get abroad, +that my son was desirous of marrying a public +singer? I gave the young woman all the good +advice I possibly could; but I fear it will be +of no use to her. There were such very strong +manifestations of her partiality for that profligate +young man, Lord Spoonbill, that I am not +at all surprised at what I hear from Mr Pringle. +Now all that I can say is, that if after this you +can retain any regard for Miss Primrose, you do +not shew yourself a man of sense and prudence.”</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span></p> + +<p>Here Mr Darnley paused, not because he was +out of breath, for he spoke very slowly and +deliberately, but because he thought that he +had said enough to induce his son to relinquish +the thought of Penelope, and to make himself +mightily happy under his disappointment. But +it certainly is very provoking, after living three +years or more in expectation of receiving the +hand and heart of a lovely, amiable, and intelligent +young lady, to find at last that all this +bright anticipation is come to nought. It had +been painful to Robert Darnley that several of +his later communications had been unanswered; +but he would not suffer that circumstance +alone to weigh with him, considering it possible +that the fault was in the irregular transmission +of letters. When he came back to England +and heard that Miss Primrose was in London +with the Earl of Smatterton’s family, it +appeared obvious enough that she had considered +the correspondence as having ceased. +But still it was not clear to the young ma<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span>n’s +entire satisfaction that this had been a voluntary +act on the part of Penelope. It was +possible that his letters might not have reached +their destination, and that Miss Primrose might +be regarding him as the faithless one. Such +was his spirit, that he would not rest under the +imputation of such conduct, and he resolved +to take the earliest opportunity of coming to +an explanation. When, however, in addition to +all that he had heard from his own family of +the partiality manifested by Penelope for Lord +Spoonbill, he heard also the tale told by Zephaniah +Pringle, he wavered and hesitated. It was +not probable, he thought, that such rumours +could be totally unfounded, and it comported +but too well with what Mr Darnley had already +said.</p> + +<p>The distress of mind which Robert Darnley +suffered, and that gloominess of look which his +father reprobated and lectured him upon, did +not arise so much from the mere loss of +Penelope, as from the harassing doubts to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span> +which he was exposed by the conflicting of +external and internal evidence. It is a painful +thing to doubt, because it is humiliating, and +seems to question our discernment. It is also +very perplexing to the mind when it sees evidence +enough to prove that which it feels to be +impossible, or very unlikely. In this dilemma +Robert Darnley had been placed by what he +had heard of Penelope Primrose. He knew, or +at least very firmly believed her to be of decided +character, good principle and high spirit. He +felt it impossible that she should love a profligate +or a blockhead, and he knew Lord Spoonbill +to be both. But it was very clear that she +was with Lord Smatterton’s family, and that +she had certainly contemplated the public exercise +of her musical talents.</p> + +<p>To his fathers discourse therefore he listened +with unresisting patience, and only replied when +it was finished; “I can only say, sir, that if +what Mr Pringle has said concerning Miss +Primrose be true, I have been very much<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span> +deceived in the estimate which I had formed +of the young lady’s mind and character.”</p> + +<p>“Certainly you were,” replied his father; +“you are a young man and have seen but little +of human nature. You are hasty, very hasty, +in forming your judgment. You will grow wiser +as you grow older. Now I was not deceived +in Miss Primrose. I could see her real character. +I always thought her very proud and +vain and conceited. But she laboured under +great disadvantages in her education. Her uncle +was a worthy man, but he was a mere scholar, +by no means a man of the world. And as for +Mrs Greendale, she is a very weak woman.”</p> + +<p>Robert Darnley knew his father too well to +contradict him directly in anything which he +might be pleased to assert; he therefore only +ventured in a very circuitous way to insinuate +the possibility that Mr Zephaniah Pringle might +be erroneously informed, and that there might +be some mistake or misapprehension. But the +worthy rector of Neverden was not able to bear<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span> +the slightest approach to contradiction or opposition. +He had lived so long in absolute authority +in his own house and parish, that he was +perfectly sincere in believing that he could never +be wrong and ought never to be contradicted. +He therefore contributed very considerably to +shorten the discussion, by saying:</p> + +<p>“You are of age, and of course may do as you +please; but, if you will condescend to take my +advice, you will think no more of Miss Primrose. +At all events, it is my particular request that I +may hear no more of her.”</p> + +<p>To this the young gentleman bowed respectfully. +Now it does not appear to us that Mr +Darnley adopted the best plan in the world to +set his son’s heart at rest. Nor did Robert +Darnley find any great alleviation in what +his father had been pleased to say concerning +Penelope’s actual situation and real character. +It also occurred to the young gentleman’s mind, +that his father had superfluously and unnecessarily +quoted the fact of Mr Primrose having<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span> +used irreverent and thoughtless language. It is +not indeed, generally speaking, advisable to +bring every possible accusation against an offending +one; for by so doing we make known +our own pettishness or malignity quite as much +as we display the sins of the accused. If Miss +Primrose had been in other respects a suitable +wife for Robert Darnley, the fact that her father +had spoken hastily and unadvisedly, would not +have rendered her unsuitable. And if the situation +of Penelope had been such as it had been +represented by Mr Pringle, then there was quite +enough to set Robert Darnley’s mind at rest +upon the subject, without quoting Mr Primrose’s +transgressions.</p> + +<p>The disappointed lover had no sooner finished +the task of hearing his father’s lecture, than +he was destined to undergo a gabblement from +his mother and sisters. Mrs Darnley was a +worthy good creature as ever lived; but she +would talk, and that not always consequentially. +She always however meant well, though she<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span> +might be clumsy in the manifestation of her +well-meaning.</p> + +<p>“Well, Robert,”—thus began Mrs Darnley,—“and +so your father has been talking to you +about poor Penelope Primrose. What a pity it +is that such a nice young woman should turn +out so. I really could hardly believe my senses +when I first heard of it. Dear me, what a +favorite she used to be here; your father used +to think so highly of her.”</p> + +<p>“I can’t say that I thought so very highly of +her,” interrupted Miss Mary Darnley; “she was +a great deal too haughty for my liking. Of +course we were civil to her for Robert’s sake.”</p> + +<p>Miss Mary was rude in thus interrupting her +mother, but it was the general practice with the +young ladies, and Mrs Darnley was so much +in the habit of being interrupted, that she always +expected it, and kept talking on till some one +else of the party began. Now this remark of +Miss Mary might be founded on truth, or it +might be merely the result of an angry imagi<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span>nation. +For there is in the human mind such +a reluctance to acknowledge an error in judgment, +that even when we have been really and +palpably deceived in a human character, we +generally find out or persuade ourselves that +we “prophesied so,” though we never told any +body.</p> + +<p>The eldest Miss Darnley, however, had more +candour. It was her opinion that, though Miss +Primrose had not behaved exactly as she ought +to do, yet she had too high a sense of propriety +and decorum ever to transgress as was represented +by Mr Pringle.</p> + +<p>In this annunciation of opinions it was but +right and regular that the youngest should speak +in her turn; and notwithstanding the apparent +deference which she had seemed on the previous +day to yield to the oracular language of Zephaniah +Pringle the critic, she said:</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span></p> +<p>“I wonder who told Mr Pringle? I dare say +Miss Primrose did not, and I should not think +it likely that Lord Spoonbill did.”</p> + +<p>“Oh dear,” replied Mary, “I dare say it is +the general talk in London, and everbody knows +it by this time.”</p> + +<p>“Oh dear,” retorted Martha, “I dare say +you know a great deal about London.”</p> + +<p>“I know a great deal more about it than you +do, Martha; I was there with papa nearly two +months when we had lodgings in Wigmore +street.”</p> + +<p>Martha was inclined to be pert, and Mary to +be pettish, and the two sisters would very +likely have enjoyed a skirmish of tongues, had +they not been stopped by the good humour of +their brother, who was very happy to divert +their tongues and thoughts to other topics. +Robert Darnley therefore made an effort to suppress +unpleasant feelings, and directed the conversation +to affairs of a different description; +and he amused his mother and sisters with +anecdotes and narratives descriptive of the +country from which he had recently arrived.</p> + +<p>In assuming this composure, Robert Darnley<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span> +was not a little aided by the suggestion thrown +out by Martha. And he began to think it very +possible that Mr Zephaniah Pringle might have +been misinformed. He might have had wit +enough to form that conjecture without the +assistance of his youngest sister; but he was +too much agitated to think calmly on the +subject.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">The</span> preceding chapters, relative to affairs at +Neverden, were rendered indispensable by the +necessity under which we were placed to account +for the non-appearance of Robert Darnley +in London, to clear up the mystery and explain +the cause of the interrupted correspondence. +We are now most happy to revert to that part +of our narrative which more immediately and +directly concerns Penelope Primrose and her +father. For this purpose therefore our history +goes back a few days.</p> + +<p>After the first passionate agitation of meeting +had subsided, and Penelope was able to +speak collectedly, and Mr Primrose was patient<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span> +enough to listen to two successive sentences, +the young lady explained to her father the situation +in which she had been placed by the +sudden decease of her uncle, and spoke of the +kindness which she had experienced from the +Earl and Countess of Smatterton, adding, that +they had been so kind as to propose giving her +the opportunity of meeting her father in London. +She then informed her father that Lord Spoonbill +was in the house, and would be happy to +see him.</p> + +<p>Mr Primrose was too happy at the meeting +with his daughter to think anything of the +awkward stories which he had heard of the +young gentleman’s irregularities. He therefore +expressed himself pleased with an opportunity +of making his acknowledgments to any part of +the family. The young lord therefore soon made +his appearance. And such was the frank, gentlemanly +aspect and bearing of Mr Primrose, +that his lordship was quite delighted with him, +and said with great sincerity much which he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span> +would otherwise have said with polite formality +and hypocrisy.</p> + +<p>Penelope exercised a considerable degree of +self-command in introducing Lord Spoonbill so +composedly to her father. And happy was it +at this moment for Mr Primrose, that such was +his cheerfulness and hilarity of feeling, that he +was only sensible to that which was pleasant +and agreeable.</p> + +<p>“My Lord Spoonbill,” said he with one +of his politest bows, and with the most agreeable +intonation of voice that he could command, +“I thank you most sincerely, and I beg +that you will convey my most cordial and respectful +thanks to the Earl and Countess of +Smatterton for their kind and generous attention +to my dear child.”</p> + +<p>Even with similar politeness did Lord Spoonbill +profess how truly happy the Earl and Countess +had been in affording any accommodation +to the neice of their late esteemed friend, the +respected rector of Smatterton. By making men<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span>tion +of that good man, Lord Spoonbill brought +tears into the eyes of Mr Primrose, who mournfully +shook his head and replied:</p> + +<p>“Ah, my lord, he was indeed a good man. +I lament the loss of him most sincerely. So +much kind feeling, blended with such strict integrity, +and so high a degree of moral purity, I +never have witnessed in any other. I have seen +strictness of principle with severity of manners, +and I have witnessed kindness of heart with +moral carelessness; but the late Dr Greendale +had the most finely attempered mind of any +man I ever knew. He did, or desired to do, +good to everybody, and that must have been +a hard heart which he could not soften.”</p> + +<p>It was well for Lord Spoonbill at this moment +that he was not of so susceptible a temperament +as Mr Primrose, or the remark last recorded +would have distressed him. It was in another +point of view ill for his lordship that he had +not a little more sensibility, for if he had he +might have been moved to contrition and re<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span>flection. +His lordship very courteously assented +to every compliment which Mr Primrose felt +disposed to pay to the late Dr Greendale. And +presently his lordship directed the talk to other +matters; for though he had not sensibility to +be moved, yet he had enough of that kind +of feeling which rendered him awkward under +reflections and recollections. The hereditary +legislator was also especially desirous of knowing +what was to be the immediate destination +of Miss Primrose and her father; but found, +after a long conversation and many indirect +hints, that no arrangement of any determinate +nature had entered the mind of Mr Primrose, +who probably thought, that for the night ensuing, +he might take up his abode at the town residence +of Lord Smatterton.</p> + +<p>At length, Lord Spoonbill, finding that it +became time for him to return to dinner, and +knowing that it would not be very agreeable +to the Countess to take back with him father +and daughter too, and suspecting also very<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span> +strongly and very naturally that the two were +not likely to be separated, began to make something +like an apology to Mr Primrose for having +brought him to an empty house, and offered +such accommodation as the house might afford, +expressing his great regret that he himself was +under the necessity of returning to Lord Smatterton’s +suburban villa.</p> + +<p>These explanations and apologies roused Mr +Primrose to his recollection, and he presently +and promptly declined availing himself of his +lordship’s kind offer, and expressed his intention +of taking up his abode at a hotel, which +he named.</p> + +<p>Lord Spoonbill was satisfied. He now knew +where to find Mr Primrose again; and so long +as he was not at a loss where to seek Penelope, +his lordship readily took his leave, with a promise +that he would very shortly pay his respects +again to his good friends.</p> + +<p>Mr Primrose and his daughter then went to +their hotel, and the overjoyed parent endeavoured<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span> +to compose himself for the sobriety of narrative +and interrogation. Many questions were asked, +and multitudinous digressions and recommencements +and interruptions rendered their discourse +rather less instructive than entertaining. +The father of Penelope walked restlessly about +the room, and ever and anon would he stop and +look with an indescribable earnestness on the +face of his child, as if to fill his mind’s eye +with her image, or to endeavour to trace her +likeness to her departed mother. And from +these momentary absorptions he would start into +recollection, and utter such thrilling expressions +of delight, that his poor child feared that the +joy would be too much for him.</p> + +<p>Some of the human species have suffered more +from joy than from sorrow. Ecstacy has lifted +the mind to that height and giddiness as to +destroy its self-command, and to precipitate it +into the depths and darkness of idiocy. Penelope +entertained a fear of this kind for her +father. For she had not been accustomed to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span> +witness or yield to any very strong emotions. +Her uncle, with whom she had lived, had been +a very quiet man; and, in his studious retirement, +life had passed smoothly and placidly as +the waveless current of a subterranean stream. +Mrs Greendale had experienced and manifested +occasional ebullitions, but they were merely culinary, +domestic, common-place, and transitory. As +for herself, poor girl, deep as her feelings might +have been, and strongly, as in various instances, +she might have been moved, these emotions were +solitary and soon suppressed.</p> + +<p>When therefore she saw her father in this state +of agitation, much of her own joy was abated in +thoughts and fears for him. But in time the +violence of the emotion abated, and the father +and daughter sat down together to dinner. This +was a relief to them both. When the cloth was +removed, Mr Primrose then bethought himself +of Robert Darnley. Drawing closer to the fire, +he said to Penelope; “Well, but, my dear child, +I have not yet said a word about an old ac<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span>quaintance +of yours, whom report says you have +not used handsomely. But I don’t mind what +report says. Have you quite forgot your old +neighbour Robert Darnley?”</p> + +<p>Penelope sighed and shook her head, and +replied, “Oh, no, my dear father; I have not +forgotten him.”</p> + +<p>“Then why did you not answer his letters?”</p> + +<p>“I answered his letters, but he did not answer +mine.”</p> + +<p>“What!” exclaimed Mr Primrose;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span> “do you +say that he was the person who dropped the +correspondence? You are wrong, my dear, you +are wrong. Ay, ay, I see how it is—some letters +have not been delivered. It is all a misunderstanding; +but it will soon be set right. I have +seen the young man. He is now at Neverden; +and he tells me that you have not answered his +letters. But we shall soon see him in town. +He would have come with me, but he must +needs stay to eat his Christmas dinner at the +parsonage, just to please the old folks. That +of course is right; and if children did but +know how easily parents are pleased, and how +happy they are when their children please them, +there would not be so many undutiful children +in the world.—And so, my dear Penelope, it is +all a mere invention that you are attached to +Lord Spoonbill?”</p> + +<p>Recollecting what had that morning taken +place, and from that also calling to mind what +before she had not noticed, and what without +that event she would have forgotten; thinking +again how assiduously and politely attentive +Lord Spoonbill had behaved towards her, she +began to think that his lordship’s attentive behaviour +had been seen and noticed by others +when it had not been obvious to herself. And +these thoughts confused and perplexed her. +Therefore she did not immediately reply to her +father’s interrogation. Her silence was observed +by her anxious parent, and he hastily said:</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span></p> +<p>“What then, is it true? But it is a great +pity. Robert Darnley is a fine spirited young +man; and I am sure he did not design to drop +the correspondence. Well, well; you are like +your father, you are very hasty. But never +mind, it cannot be helped now. And what will +you say to poor Darnley when he sees you +again; for I fully expect him up in town as soon +as Christmas is well over? I dare say he will +be here in a week, or a little more. I told him +that he would find us at this hotel. And has +Lord Spoonbill really made proposals to you? +And have you accepted his offer?”</p> + +<p>The discovery which this talk of her father +opened to the mind of Penelope moved her with +feelings not describable. There was powerful +and oppressive agitation, but whether painful or +pleasurable she scarcely knew. Her heart was +too full to speak, and her thoughts too hurried +for utterance. The colour was in her cheeks, +and the tears were silently falling, and presently +the quick glancing eye of her father caught the +expression of concern and deep feeling, and his +impetuosity misinterpreted the emotion. With<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span> +rapidity of utterance, and with kind tenderness +of tone, he exclaimed, grasping her hand:</p> + +<p>“Nay, nay, my dear Penelope, do not be so +afflicted. You misunderstand me, indeed you +do. I am not angry with you. If you are +really attached to Lord Spoonbill, and if he has +a regard for you, I would not for the world +oppose your inclinations. If you are happy, I +shall be so. I know comparatively very little +of Robert Darnley. As to what I saw of his +father, I certainly thought not favourably. The +young man appeared not so proud and formal +as the old gentleman. But Lord Spoonbill may +be a very excellent man, and I am sure he would +not be your choice if he were not so. I dare +say that all these stories I have heard of his +profligacies are not true.”</p> + +<p>Hereat the young lady started; and she thought +that she had some faint recollection of having +heard some obscure hints on that subject; for +these matters are not made the topic of explicit +discourse in the presence of young ladies. And<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span> +with this impression she hastened to undeceive +her father as to the state of her affections, protesting +very calmly and deliberately that there +had not been any transfer of her attachment to +Lord Spoonbill from Robert Darnley. And, as +connectedly and circumstantially as she was able, +she narrated the history of her life, from the +decease of her worthy uncle to the moment of +her meeting with her father.</p> + +<p>Mr Primrose made his observations on these +events, and expressed himself delighted in having +arrived in England time enough to prevent +his daughter from publicly exhibiting her musical +talents. Now, in the course of Penelope’s +narrative, mention had not been made, nor did +it seem necessary to state the fact, of Lord +Spoonbill’s declaration of devotedness, which his +lordship had made that very morning. It was +therefore unfortunate, though of no great consequence, +that when the poor <ins title="original: gird">girl</ins> had finished +her story, Mr Primrose said:</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span></p> +<p>“And so then after all Lord Spoonbill has +not said a word to you on the subject of attachment?”</p> + +<p>It became necessary then to acknowledge what +had passed in the morning; and the reluctance +with which the acknowledgment was made very +naturally excited some slight suspicion in the +breast of Mr Primrose, that there was something +more serious than had been acknowledged. A +satisfactory explanation however was made, and +all was right again.</p> + +<p>This trifling incident would not have been +mentioned, but for the illustration which it +affords of the value of explicitness and candour, +and for the proof which it presents that the +purest and most upright mind may, from a false +delicacy, involve itself in serious perplexity.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">At</span> the hotel where Mr Primrose had taken up +his residence, he remained with his daughter for +two or three weeks. Penelope and her father +were during this time in daily expectation of +seeing or hearing from Robert Darnley, but +there came no letter, there came no visitor. +Mr Primrose grew impatient, and talked to his +daughter about writing. That Penelope should +write was quite out of the question, nor could +the young lady bring herself readily to allow +her father to write.</p> + +<p>They both agreed that, if the young man was +still seriously attached, he would find some way +of communicating with them now all parties +were together in England. And so he certainly<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span> +would have done, had it not been for the false +report carried to Neverden by the loyal and +religious Zephaniah Pringle, and corroborated +by the almost unanimous and universal talk of +the people of that village. Influenced by this +tale, he remained at Neverden spending day after +day in most clumsily doing nothing at all. His +father talked to him, his mother talked to him, +and his sisters talked to him, but all their talk +amounted to nothing. Disappointed affection is +a painful feeling, and talking cannot heal it; +nor was it ever known in the course of human +experience, that calling a man a fool has been +the means of making him wise.</p> + +<p>Whatever were the feelings of Robert Darnley +on this sad blight of his fair hopes, he was wise +enough to keep them to himself; he was indeed +dull and listless, but he did not annoy others +any farther than thus negatively. On the other +hand, the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill had +no sooner accomplished the mighty feat of telling +Miss Primrose how devoted he was to her, than<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[115]</a></span> +he must needs again invade the luxurious and +lounging solitude of his friend Erpingham in +order again to talk over the subject. His lordship +did not indeed on the very day after, but +at as short an interval as possible consistent +with other engagements, call upon his luxurious +friend to enjoy the pleasure of talking about +Miss Primrose.</p> + +<p>Now Erpingham, as we have already intimated, +was by no means a simpleton. He had +wisdom enough to see through Lord Spoonbill, +though his lordship was not always able to comprehend +the logic of his old college companion. +There is at Cambridge, as everybody knows, a +species of animal called a tuft-hunter, that is, a +plebeian man, who, for pence or pride, cultivates +an acquaintance with the young green shoots +of nobility that are sent to that place to learn +horse-racing, card-playing, and mathematics, in +order to make laws to preserve game and keep +up the dignity of hereditary legislators. Now +Erpingham was not one of that description.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[116]</a></span> +But there are, among the unfledged lordlings +who honor that town and university with their +superfine presence, some few individuals who, +in order to enjoy a stronger sense and feeling of +their own noble rank and exalted condition, seek +for acquaintance among the untitled. Of this +class was Lord Spoonbill, and his acquaintance +thus and there formed, was Mr Erpingham.</p> + +<p>To seek an acquaintance with any individual +is generally felt, whether it be so considered +or not, as an act of humiliation. It is at all +events a homage paid to the acquaintance thus +sought. He that voluntarily seeks after another, +involuntarily pays that other a compliment. And +frequently that compliment is taken by those +who receive it for more than it is really worth. +By this circumstance therefore that the acquaintance +with Erpingham had been of Lord Spoonbill’s +own seeking, the former did not quite so +highly value and honor the young legislator as +otherwise he might have done. And when once +we can thoroughly and heartily take it into our<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[117]</a></span> +heads that any man is a fool, it is no difficult +matter to convince ourselves that he really is so. +Plenty of illustrations are always at hand, if we +be intimate with the person in question.</p> + +<p>Now, in spite of all the reverence which Mr +Erpingham felt for high rank, he could not help +thinking that his lordship was no conjuror. +Indeed it is no more to be wished than it is to be +expected that the House of Lords should be all +conjurors. As therefore Mr Erpingham thought +but indifferently of the understanding of his +right honorable friend, it is not to be wondered +at that Lord Spoonbill should not always be +treated with the most profound respect. At +Cambridge, indeed, Erpingham thought it something +of an honor to be acquainted with a nobleman; +but by degrees, and especially after +leaving the university, the gentleman thought +otherwise, and diminished much of the homage +which he had formerly paid to that right honorable +hereditary pillar of the Protestant succession.</p> + +<p>When therefore Lord Spoonbill made his ap<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[118]</a></span>pearance +again, and threatened a tedious lack-a-daisical +prating about love, Mr Erpingham +almost laughed at him.</p> + +<p>“Well, Spoonbill,” said the Epicurean, “and +so you are coming to report progress. And what +says this paragon of wit and beauty? I suppose +you have made your arrangements: and am I to +be honored by an introduction?”</p> + +<p>Lord Spoonbill shook his head, and went on +tediously to relate all the particulars of the +journey to London and the introduction to Mr +Primrose. To all this Mr Erpingham listened +very attentively; and, when the narrative was +concluded, he drawled out, “Well, Spoonbill, +and what then?”</p> + +<p>To that question the hereditary legislator made +no direct or intelligible reply. His friend therefore +repeated his question, adding:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[119]</a></span> “Were you +content with making a mere sentimental speech +about your devotion to this young lady? And +did not you give the slightest intimation of your +designs?”</p> + +<p>“How could I,” replied his lordship, “under +these circumstances?”</p> + +<p>“Then I will tell you, my good friend, that I +have done more for you than you have done for +yourself.”</p> + +<p>Lord Spoonbill started and stared, and exclaimed: +“Erpingham! what do you mean?”</p> + +<p>“I mean what I say. Do you know Zephaniah +Pringle, a literary prig, with whose vanity +I sometimes amuse myself?”</p> + +<p>“Certainly I do,” replied his lordship; “but +what can he have to do with this matter?”</p> + +<p>“A great deal,” replied Erpingham; “he is, +as I suppose you know, an impertinent chatter-box, +and whatever is trusted to him as a profound +secret is sure to be known to all the world; so +I communicated to him that Miss Primrose was +in the high road to be placed under the protection +of the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, and +by this time Smatterton and its adjoining village +is already in possession of the important secret.”</p> + +<p>On hearing this, Lord Spoonbill started, as if<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[120]</a></span> +with a strong sense of moral indignation, and exclaimed: +“Erpingham, are you mad? What +could you mean by circulating such a report? +Suppose I should intend to marry Miss Primrose!”</p> + +<p>“Why, then you are less likely to have a +rival.”</p> + +<p>Although Lord Spoonbill was quite as profligate +and unprincipled as Mr Erpingham, yet +as his profligacy and want of principle were +not managed and directed precisely after the +model of the same vices in the conduct of his +friend, his lordship took credit to himself that +he could enjoy the pleasure of reproving the +vicious principles of this Epicurean. But though +he expressed a feeling of indignation at the cool, +deliberate viciousness of this son of luxury and +sensuality, he felt no little satisfaction in the +thought that this report must infallibly reach +the ears of Mr Robert Darnley, and thus prevent +any further attempt on his part to renew the +acquaintance with Penelope.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[121]</a></span></p> + +<p>It may seem rather strange to some part of +our readers, that a man who could descend to the +meanness of intercepting letters, should lift up +his voice and turn up his eyes at the sin of circulating +false reports touching the character and +situation of a young woman, and that this same +man should deliberately meditate on schemes for +placing that young woman in that situation +which he professed to think so degrading. But +there is a wonderful difference in the apprehension +which men entertain of the same vices under +different circumstances. There is also observable +in the feelings of Lord Spoonbill, on the +present occasion, the readiness and satisfaction +with which a man will cheerfully avail himself +of the benefits derivable from the vicious or unprincipled +conduct of others.</p> + +<p>The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill seemed +to think that his friend Erpingham had behaved +very unhandsomely and disrespectfully to Penelope +by causing such a rumour to get into cir<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[122]</a></span>culation; +but, when it occurred to him that some +advantage might be taken of the said rumour, +his indignation was abated, and all his reproof +was softened down into merely saying:</p> + +<p>“Really, Erpingham, you are too bad.”</p> + +<p>Everybody who is worse than ourselves is too +bad; everybody, whose vices differ from ours, +is too bad. Lord Spoonbill was selfish, sensual, +and unprincipled; but he endeavoured to conceal +his character, and, from attempting to deceive +others, had come at last to deceive himself; +and he really did flatter himself that there was +some good in his character, and some good feelings +in his heart. But Erpingham, on the other +hand, did not play the hypocrite either to himself +or to others; he was definite and decided, +and he took to himself some little credit for the +unblushing honesty of his conduct and character. +He smiled contemptuously at the meanness and +littleness of his friend Spoonbill’s vices; but +this meanness was essential to the very exist<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[123]</a></span>ence +of his vices, he would have been frightened +at himself had he seen his own moral features +without a mask.</p> + +<p>There was this difference in the character of +these two friends, that had Erpingham had the +same object in view as Lord Spoonbill, he would +have pursued it unblushingly, unhesitatingly, and +without remorse. He would have intercepted +letters, but he would not have shuddered when +he had them in his possession; nor would he +have hesitated to open them, if that would have +forwarded his schemes. There would have been +no demur or doubt, but everything would have +been rendered subservient to his villanous purposes. +But Lord Spoonbill was not so straitforward +in his roguery, he was a more pusillanimous +profligate. The difference between the +two is, that Erpingham was an object of indignation, +and Lord Spoonbill of contempt.</p> + +<p>Seeing therefore how matters now stood, the +Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill thought that he +might as well pursue his first object with regard<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[124]</a></span> +to Penelope, and not, at least for the present, +think or say a word concerning marriage. And +it was a great consolation to him in the course +of his meditations to think how much more unprincipled +Erpingham was than he.</p> + +<p>From a long, and to the Epicurean a wearying +discussion, Lord Spoonbill returned to his home; +and on his return he found that the Countess +was quite angry, and that her patience was exhausted +in waiting for Penelope’s return. The +young lady had indeed mentioned the subject to +her father, but he did not think any further +acknowledgments necessary than he had already +personally made to the heir of the house of +Smatterton. Nor could Mr Primrose persuade +himself that any very high tribute of gratitude +was due for that species of patronage which the +Countess of Smatterton had proposed for his +daughter. It was his feeling, that her ladyship +had in view her own gratification quite as much +as the welfare of Penelope.</p> + +<p>When therefore Lord Spoonbill found that the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[125]</a></span> +Countess was still expecting either the return of +Miss Primrose, or some grateful intimation that +the proffered patronage was declined, he thought +it an excellent opportunity to propose a call on +Mr Primrose; and, after some of the usual prate +about condescension and dignity, the young lord, +on the following morning, rode up to town.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[126]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">When</span> a lady finds herself a second time alone +with a gentleman who has once addressed her +on an interesting topic, but whose address has +not been altogether pleasant and agreeable, the +lady’s situation is by no means enviable. It is +more distressing still when, in the recollection of +the young lady, there are yet lingering the faint +relics of brighter and better hopes.</p> + +<p>This was the situation of Penelope when Lord +Spoonbill called upon her. Mr Primrose was +not within: business demanded his attention in +the City, and there he was likely to be detained +some hours. The young lord, with well feigned +seriousness, expressed his regret that he should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[127]</a></span> +be so unfortunate as not to meet with Mr Primrose, +and he added that he would call again if +Mr Primrose was likely soon to return. When +however he heard that Penelope did not expect +her father till dinner-time, he was more pleased +with the information than he professed to be. +Miss Primrose very respectfully enquired after +the Earl and Countess of Smatterton; and, in +replying to those enquiries, Lord Spoonbill took +the opportunity of hinting that her ladyship +felt somewhat anxious to know whether the +return of Mr Primrose to England had induced +Penelope to relinquish the thought of that profession +which she had recently contemplated, +and for which immediate preparation became +otherwise necessary and important.</p> + +<p>In reply to this enquiry, Penelope informed his +lordship that her father had expressed himself +decidedly of opinion that such pursuit would +not be agreeable to himself or necessary for his +daughter. Lord Spoonbill cared little for the +disappointment, except that it would be in the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[128]</a></span> +way of his schemes, and render the arrangement +which he meditated rather more difficult of execution. +So far as expectation was concerned, +he was prepared for this event; but he was not +prepared with any plan that he might immediately +pursue.</p> + +<p>After the common-place talk was finished, +his lordship thought that he ought to take his +leave; but he was reluctant to go, and he did +not know how to stay. Penelope also wished +him gone, for she was afraid of a renewal of an +unpleasant topic. The young lady also took no +particular pains to conceal that wish, and his lordship +was not quite so flat as not to discern that +his presence was not very acceptable. In truth, +his situation was grievously perplexing, and a +wiser man than he would have been at a loss in +such circumstances how to act. It was clear +to him that Penelope had not quite forgotten +Robert Darnley; it was also obvious that Lord +Spoonbill was not yet essential to the happiness +of Miss Primrose; he most earnestly desired<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[129]</a></span> +to render himself agreeable to Miss Primrose, +and he very well knew that nothing could be +more agreeable than that he should take his +leave; but that would not have been agreeable +to himself; and greatly as he desired to do anything +that might recommend him to the approbation +of Miss Primrose, he was equally desirous +of avoiding anything that might be disagreeable +or unpleasant to himself.</p> + +<p>Lord Spoonbill is not to be regarded in this +instance as differing so very widely from the +rest of the world. Other lovers frequently have +the same ideas on the subject of the mutual +accommodation of themselves and their adored +ones. And if, after this observation, any individual +of the gentler sex should be deceived +by professions and protestations of disinterestedness, +the fault will be hers and not ours.</p> + +<p>In this embarrassing situation in which Lord +Spoonbill was placed, it occurred to his most +fertile imagination that it might greatly forward +his designs upon Penelope, if, by any means,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[130]</a></span> +he could contrive to bring the young lady to +think unhandsomely of Robert Darnley. It +certainly would not do for his lordship to make +any direct allusion to this young gentleman; +for it was hardly supposed by Miss Primrose +that there existed in the mind of his lordship +any knowledge of the acquaintance between +her and the son of the rector of Neverden; +and such was his lordship’s clumsiness in the +management of his irregularities, that he was +even fearful of the most indirect allusion to +Robert Darnley, lest, in making that allusion, +he might betray himself.</p> + +<p>At length it came into his lordship’s most +sagacious head that, although it might be +hazardous to make any allusion to Neverden, +there could not be much risk incurred by enquiring +after Mrs Greendale, therefore he ventured +to ask, as if for want of something else +to say, if Miss Primrose had lately heard from +Smatterton, and in making this enquiry he endeavoured +to watch the countenance of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[131]</a></span> +young lady most narrowly, in order to observe +whether the mention of Smatterton produced +any deep emotion as connected with Neverden. +Penelope answered with perfect composure, and +informed the hereditary legislator that Mrs Greendale +had not written to her since her departure +from Smatterton.</p> + +<p>After mentioning Mrs Greendale, his lordship +proceeded to some more common talk, merely +and obviously to delay his departure; and he +manifested in this kind of talk that he had a +great wish to recur to that topic which he had +introduced on the morning of Mr Primrose’s +meeting with his daughter. But if it was evident +to Penelope that such was his lordship’s +wish, it was quite as evident to his lordship that +the young lady was equally uneasy under the +apprehension, and dreaded the repetition of a +discussion which at its first introduction had so +distressed her thoughts.</p> + +<p>And now it would have been absolutely and +uncontrollably necessary for Lord Spoonbill to +take his leave, and he must have taken his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[132]</a></span> +leave, not knowing when or how he might find +Penelope again, had it not been for one of those +unexpected and extraordinary accidents which +often change the aspect of a whole life. This +accident was neither more nor less than the +sudden return of Mr Primrose to his hotel.</p> + +<p>By the expression of Mr Primrose’s countenance, +which seldom indeed concealed or belied +the emotions of his mind, it was visible that +some calamity had befallen him, or at least that +something had occurred to discompose him. It +might not be anything very serious; Penelope +hoped it was not; for, during the short time +that she had been with her father she had had +abundant occasion of observing that such was the +susceptibility of his feelings, that the expressions +of joy and sorrow were soon excited, and that +by a very slight and trifling occurrence.</p> + +<p>But it was soon manifest that it was no trivial +circumstance that oppressed the spirits of her +father in the present instance. When he entered +the apartment he scarcely noticed his +daughter or Lord Spoonbill. He took the former<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[133]</a></span> +by the hand, and to the latter he slightly bowed; +and this was his only recognition of them, for +he did not open his lips, and he scarcely directed +his looks towards them. His lips were closely +compressed, as if he feared that by opening +them he should betray or give way to stronger +expressions of grief than might well become +him. He sat himself down upon a chair and +looked listlessly out into the street, moving +neither feature nor muscle, except that the vibration +of his eyelids was more rapid than usual.</p> + +<p>Lord Spoonbill was now at a loss whether to +offer his sympathy or to take his departure. He +could not, with any great propriety, leave the +room without taking some notice of Mr Primrose; +but such was the expression of the poor +man’s countenance, that it seemed that merely +to speak to him in the most common-place +manner imaginable would be to distress his +feelings, and to burst open that flood of grief +which he seemed to endeavour to restrain. Directing +therefore an enquiring look to Penelope, +and again turning towards Mr Primrose, his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[134]</a></span> +lordship, by these looks and the movements which +accompanied them, intimated an intention of +departing, if his presence were a restraint. +Seeing that Mr Primrose kept his position, and +that no change was made in his features, his +lordship was just whispering to Penelope that +he was sorry to see her father under such depression, +and that it might be agreeable that he +should leave them, Mr Primrose hastily started +up and said;</p> + +<p>“I beg your pardon, Lord Spoonbill, for my +rudeness, but I have met with a shock this +morning that has completely subdued me.”</p> + +<p>At this speech, Penelope caught her father’s +hand with tender eagerness, and asked, as well +as her feelings would allow, what was the nature +of the misfortune that he had met with. Most +tenderly, and with a tone which reached even +the heart of Lord Spoonbill, Mr Primrose said;</p> + +<p>“My dear, dear child, you are a dependent +again, and God knows how soon you may be an +orphan indeed.”</p> + +<p>Before Penelope could speak, and indeed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[135]</a></span> +before she well comprehended her father’s +meaning, the distressed man directed his speech +to Lord Spoonbill, saying;</p> + +<p>“Could you believe it possible, my lord, that +such deliberate villains should exist in a Christian +country, as to take from a man the little +property which he had been toiling for years to +accumulate, to take what they knew they never +could restore. Those villains suffered me, but +ten days ago, to deposit my all in their hands, +and now they have stopped payment; and from +all that I can hear in the City, I am not likely +to receive above one shilling in the pound, and +I may wait months, or perhaps years, for that.”</p> + +<p>It may be in the recollection of the reader, that +Lord Spoonbill was described in an early part +of this narrative as being unduly and indecently +pleased to hear of the illness of Dr Greendale, +as exulting in the thought that the decease of +that worthy, kind-hearted man would afford his +lordship a more convenient opportunity of pursuing +his schemes against the peace and inno<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[136]</a></span>cence +of Penelope Primrose. It will not therefore +appear very surprizing if that same hereditary +legislator should regard the present calamity +of Mr Primrose as an agreeable circumstance to +himself, and as greatly favouring his designs. +There was however, in the contemplation of this +misfortune of the father of Penelope, a desire +also on the part of his lordship to contribute +towards its alleviation. Lord Spoonbill was a +profligate, and he was a mean, contemptible +fellow; but he was not a devil incarnate, delighting +in mischief or wickedness purely for its +own sake. He wished Mr Primrose no ill, he +had no desire to inflict any injuries or to give +pain to any one, but he loved himself, and he +pursued his own plans for his own pleasure, and +he was pleased with whatever gave him promise +or hope of success, even though that very circumstance +should be the death or injury of another.</p> + +<p>Seeing, therefore, that in the present circumstances +there was something which afforded him +promise, he was pleased, and being pleased he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[137]</a></span> +very kindly sympathised with Mr Primrose, and +expressed a wish that matters might not be quite +so bad as was expected.</p> + +<p>Mr Primrose took his lordship’s sympathy +very kindly, and his mind was soothed by it; and +with rather more self-possession than might have +been expected, he replied; “For myself, I care +but little; but it is mortifying, after so long an +absence from my native land, and after so much +toil and perseverance for the sake of my own +and only child, to find that all the fruit of that +toil is swept away at once.”</p> + +<p>Penelope, who had been overwhelmed by the +suddenness of the intelligence, had scarcely +spoken; but now assuming with great success +a calmness and resolvedness of manner, said to +her father:</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[138]</a></span></p> +<p>“If that be all the calamity, my dear father, +it is easily remedied. The Countess of Smatterton +has been kind enough to promise me +her high patronage, and to facilitate my efforts +towards providing an independency, and Lord +Spoonbill has but this moment, just before you +returned, been enquiring whether or not I design +to continue my preparation for that pursuit.”</p> + +<p>“No, no, my Penelope, that is an occupation +which I am sure can never suit your taste. I +will not on any account consent to that. How +can I bear to think of my own child exerting +and wasting her strength to amuse the public, +and to see her standing before a promiscuous +and unfeeling multitude, exposed to the rudeness +and insolence of loudly expressed disapprobation +and extempore criticism?”</p> + +<p>“Nay, my good sir,” said Lord Spoonbill in +his pleasantest manner; “there is no danger, and +there need be no fear, that Miss Primrose will +ever incur disapprobation; whatever loud expressions +there may be, will be expressions of +applause and delight.”</p> + +<p>“And that,” rejoined Mr Primrose,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[139]</a></span> “is almost +as bad. To stand up before a multitude and +beg for their applause, even if the applause be +gained, is to my feelings humiliating. To a female +it is more painful still. I cannot brook the idea +of being dependent on a multitude, a capricious +mass of, perhaps, gross and indiscriminating individuals.”</p> + +<p>Lord Spoonbill was so much delighted with +the probability of Miss Primrose’s return to the +condescending and discriminating patronage of +the Countess of Smatterton, that the anticipation +made him more than usually eloquent and +logical; and there was something also in the +manner of Mr Primrose that excited the hereditary +legislator to use his utmost powers of +persuasion. He therefore thus pursued the subject:</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[140]</a></span></p> +<p>“But, sir, it is not merely in that profession +which Miss Primrose contemplates, that the +public takes the liberty of expressing its opinion. +The highest personage in the kingdom is +not exempt from expressions of public censure +or public applause; and when a nobleman in +the House of Peers, or a gentleman in the House +of Commons, rises and expresses his sentiments +on any question of policy, the public takes the +liberty to express, and sometimes very loudly +and rudely, an opinion of the merits or demerits +of such speech.”</p> + +<p>“Yes, my lord, you are talking very plausibly; +but you must feel that there is a wide +difference between the two cases. You cannot by +such arguments cheat me out of my feelings. +I thought it a calamity when I heard that my +child meditated that profession, and I was delighted +that it was in my power to save her from +such a painful publicity.”</p> + +<p>It was not perhaps quite consistent with the +strictest veracity when Penelope, interrupting her +father, said: “Indeed, my dear father, you quite +misunderstand me, if you think that I should feel +any unpleasant sensations in that publicity.”</p> + +<p>Mr Primrose saw clearly enough the motive of +that speech; and he began to wish that this +discussion had not taken place in the presence of +a third person; and Lord Spoonbill saw that this +feeling oppressed the poor man. With a degree<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[141]</a></span> +of propriety and delicacy therefore, which he +could readily assume when it suited his purpose, +he concluded his visit by saying:</p> + +<p>“Well, Mr Primrose, I will not intrude upon +you any longer for the present; and I can only +say, that I hope you will not find the affairs of +your banker quite so bad as you expect; but if +you should, then I will venture to say that the +Earl of Smatterton will not forget a near relative +of the late respected Dr Greendale. Our family +will be in town in a few days, and I shall be most +happy then to repeat my call. And should Miss +Primrose still persist in wishing to adopt the +musical profession, a patroness and every possible +assistance will not be wanting.”</p> + +<p>In this there was much kindness, and Mr +Primrose was accordingly pleased with the +young lord, and forgot for a moment that he +had ever heard any stories to his discredit. +And, when the father and daughter were left +alone, they entered into long and serious talk +concerning their respective prospects.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[142]</a></span></p> + +<p>Mr Primrose was not left absolutely pennyless +by the stopping of his banker; but the +greater part of his property was gone if, as report +stated, the house should be only able to +pay one shilling in the pound. Indeed, upon +the supposition of a much larger dividend, the +property, which would then remain to Mr Primrose, +would be but a very narrow and scanty +independence. He had not made so very large +a fortune in India as some persons are said to +have accumulated; but, as soon as he had acquired +what he thought a respectable competence, +he returned to England to have as much +as possible the enjoyment of his daughter’s +company, and those pleasures which none but +a native land is capable of affording.</p> + +<p>When he had stated to Penelope as accurately +and fully as possible the various particulars relative +to his property, and mentioned the sources +from whence the rumours came concerning the +incompetency of his banker, the young lady +very composedly expressed her readiness to avail<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[143]</a></span> +herself of the proffered patronage of the Countess +of Smatterton. There appeared so much +sincerity and cheerfulness in the proposal, that +Mr Primrose felt himself considerably relieved: +and not only did there appear sincerity in the +language used by Penelope, but there really was +what there appeared to be. For reluctant as +she might have been to engage in such a profession +merely for the gratification of a patroness, +she felt very differently when she thought +that she might thereby be an assistance to her +father.</p> + +<p>Hurt as Mr Primrose’s feelings, or pride, might +have been at the thought of receiving assistance +from his own daughter, whom he had hoped +to place in a state of independence, and mortified +as he might be at the prospect of the +young lady making a public appearance, yet he +had but little to say to the repeated enquiry +which Penelope made in answer to all his +objections; for invariably his remarks were fol<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[144]</a></span>lowed +by the question—“What else can be +done?”</p> + +<p>It was too late for Mr Primrose to return to +India; and the patronage or interest which once +had favoured him now existed for him no longer. +He had not been brought up to any profession +whereby he might gain a livelihood in England, +and he had been accustomed to a style of living +which rendered daily bread a more expensive +article to him than to those of humbler prospects.</p> + +<p>A very distressing and heart-rending scene +may be drawn of human suffering from the lowest +and most abject of the children of penury +and destitution. But we have our doubts whether +the bitterest and keenest sense of suffering +is really in that class. The poor gentleman +suffers mentally, and while the beggar who lives +on casual charity has an occasional luxury in +a full meal, he, whose poverty must be hidden +but cannot be unknown, is labouring under an<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[145]</a></span> +unremitting and incessant pressure; and it is +this that wastes away the body to a mere shadow +and bows down the spirit to the earth. They +are cruel and unfeeling indeed, who mock such +misery as this. We envy not the talent which +can draw mirth from a source so painful.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[146]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Another</span> morning dawned, and with its opening +light there came to the father of Penelope +a feeling of his comparatively destitute situation. +His heart swelled as he thought of it, and he +had some difficulty to preserve composure enough +to meet his child. There was however one drop +of consolation in the cup of his affliction, for it +was not by his own fault or folly that his present +loss was occasioned. But even this consolation +afflicted him, for it brought to his recollection +his past folly, and reminded him of the patient +endurance with which the mother of his +Penelope had borne up, as long as possible, +against her sufferings. He recollected how gra<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[147]</a></span>dually +and slowly she sunk, and how to the very +last moment of life her looks were to him all +tenderness and forgiveness. And he thought +that he could also discern in his child those +same moral features which had been the grace +and glory of her departed mother.</p> + +<p>Commanding his feelings as well as he could, +he commenced the talk concerning the calamity +of the preceding day. His heart was touched +by the cheerful manner in which Penelope referred +to the proposal of the Countess of Smatterton, +and he smiled through his tears to hear +how sanguinely the poor girl talked of the certainty +of high success. But as yet all was in +uncertainty.</p> + +<p>His banker, in whose hands he had placed the +greater part of his property, had certainly stopped +payment; but it could not yet be ascertained +when his affairs would be put into a train for +settlement, nor was it likely that one so little +acquainted with the City as Mr Primrose should +be able to form any idea of the dividend which<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[148]</a></span> +might be paid. He certainly had heard it said +that no greater dividend would be forthcoming, +than one shilling in the pound. But people in +the City sometimes tells lies not knowing them +to be lies, and sometimes even do they go so far +as to tell lies knowing them to be so.</p> + +<p>Mr Primrose was a very hasty man, catching +up whatever he heard, and taking it for granted +that all he heard was true. He never thought +of enquiring what was the political party to +which his banker belonged, nor did he know to +what party those persons attached themselves +who told him the melancholy story of that banker’s +inability to pay more than one shilling in +the pound. As for Mr Primrose himself, he, +poor man, knew nothing about party; he was +not aware that England contained two classes +of men, one of which is all that is good, and +the other all that is bad. He simply knew that +the banker had stopped payment, and that two +very respectable-looking gentlemen had declared +it as their opinion that there would not be a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[149]</a></span> +dividend of more than one shilling in the pound. +That story he believed, and on that presumption +was proceeding. His daughter of course could +know nothing about the matter; and as for the +Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, he was such a +superfine sort of a gentleman that he hardly +knew that there was such a place as the City; +and if he had ever heard of such an animal as a +City Alderman, he took it for some such a creature +as the Bonassus.</p> + +<p>Now this melancholy intelligence, which Mr +Primrose had brought with him from the City, +put a stop of course to those employments in +which he would otherwise have been engaged. +He was preparing to look out for some residence, +either in town or country; and for that purpose +he had every morning read with great attention +all the advertisements of desirable residences to +be sold or let. It was not very pleasant to turn +from these thoughts to study painfully the means +of again acquiring a maintenance.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[150]</a></span></p> + +<p>It was more especially distressing to him to +observe how anxiously his poor child now supplicated +as a favour to be permitted to engage +in an occupation, from which he knew that, +under other circumstances, she would have +timidly shrunk. He was afflicted to hear such +solicitations; but he had so much pleasure in +his daughter’s society, and so little occasion to +go out, that he remained in his hotel the greater +part of the morning, or more properly speaking +the day. Towards evening however it occurred +to him, and to any one else it would have occurred +much earlier, that it might be the means +of setting his mind a little at rest, and of giving +him some little ground of hope, if he should go +once more into the City and enquire of his agent +into the probability of a settlement or arrangement +of his banker’s affairs.</p> + +<p>While Mr Primrose was gone into the City +Penelope was left mournfully alone. It is indeed +very dull to spend a long solitary evening in a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[151]</a></span> +strange place without occupation, and with nothing +to think upon but painful recollections +and fearful anticipations.</p> + +<p>The room in which the poor girl was left was +large and well furnished, but there were no books +in it, and the pictures were but indifferent engravings +in splendid frames. There was a newspaper, +but that was soon exhausted. There were +many persons in the house, but Penelope knew +none of them, and none of them cared about +her.</p> + +<p>It had been very different at Smatterton, and +at Neverden; in those two villages everybody +knew her, and everybody loved her more or less; +and there she never felt herself alone, for she +knew that her good uncle was near her, and +there is some pleasure in knowing that a good +friend is near us. There, when she heard footsteps +and voices, they were familiar voices and +the footsteps of friends; but in the large hotel, +where she sat alone waiting for her father, she +heard only the voices of strangers. And when<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[152]</a></span> +for the sake of a little variety she drew aside the +drapery of the long windows and looked down +upon the lamp illuminated street, there was +something quite melancholy in the dim appearance +and the monotonous sounds. Carriage-wheels +seemed to roll incessantly, and their +passing lights were miserably reflected from myriads +of little puddles coldly shining amidst the +uneven pavement.</p> + +<p>There was a specimen or two to be heard +of the London cries; but there was no music +in them, and they fell upon the ear with a +strangely unpleasant effect, intermingled with the +occasional sound of a street organ. Penelope +strained her attention to listen to the music, and +it was pleasant to her, though the images which +it raised in her mind were those only of sad +regrets. There is more effect produced by those +street organs than people in general are aware +of. Shall we be pardoned the strangeness of the +expression, if we say that they sometimes give a +wholesome agitation to the stagnation of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[153]</a></span> +moral atmosphere? And shall we be still farther +pardoned if we digress, for the sake of illustrating +by an anecdote the above singular expression? +By such a digression we are not interrupting +our narrative, which is now indeed, like +its pensive heroine, standing still.</p> + +<p>A father had lost an affectionate and promising +child, over whose long lingering illness he had +watched anxiously but hopelessly. The poor +child had suffered patiently, but had experienced +some intervals of ease, and some sensations +even of delight. A popular melody had +caught his fancy, and when the wandering organist +of that neighbourhood played his favourite +air, the little sufferer’s eyes would brighten, and +his pale transparent hand would beat the time +as knowingly as an amateur. That was a scene +for a parent to recollect. And the poor little one +died, and the father, when he had seen the grave +closed upon the child’s remains, returned to his +home in a state of apathy: feeling seemed to +have perished in him. The organist made his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[154]</a></span> +accustomed round, played the favourite air; the +bereaved father was awakened to the agony of +remembrance, and those tears flowed freely and +spontaneously, which told that feeling had not +departed.</p> + +<p>By the itinerant musicians the feelings of +Penelope were awakened; but she could not +help observing how much less emotion she experienced +than formerly, when these well-known +melodies brought to her mind thoughts of the +absent and the distant. Her mind was otherwise +engaged and her thoughts otherwise directed. +Little did she imagine, when she had been anxiously +expecting and joyfully anticipating her +father’s return to England, that so dark a cloud +would obscure the first dawn of her happiness. +While she was thus wearing away the slowly +moving hours, the door of the apartment was +opened and Lord Spoonbill made his appearance.</p> + +<p>It is a great evil that virtuous men should +ever make themselves disagreeable, and it is also<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[155]</a></span> +a great evil that vicious men should make themselves +agreeable; but the latter is quite as common +as the former, and perhaps more so. He +that exercises no reflection, and never turns his +thoughts within, has so much the more attention +to give to the external of manner and +address. And so much had Lord Spoonbill cultivated +manner, that although Penelope had +reason to suppose him to be no conjuror, and +though she had also reason to think that his +morals were not the most pure, yet he was not +altogether offensive and disagreeable to her. +She could not but feel almost grateful to him +for having so readily abstained from urging the +topic which he had mentioned on the day of her +meeting with her father. It also appeared to +her highly flattering and complimentary, that a +person of his lordship’s rank should deign to pay +court to one of inferior station; for there was +not in her mind the slightest or remotest suspicion +that Lord Spoonbill had any other than the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[156]</a></span> +most honourable intention in making a profession +of attachment.</p> + +<p>When his lordship made his appearance, he +was received cordially and as cheerfully as +circumstances would permit. Penelope had now +fully made up her mind to adopt the profession +recommended by the Countess of Smatterton, +and as Lord Spoonbill had on the previous day, +in conversation with Mr Primrose, used arguments +rather recommendatory of that step, the +young lady could not of course imagine that +there remained in his lordship’s mind any intention +whatever of pursuing the subject of his +attachment, or renewing any mention of his love +and devotedness.</p> + +<p>This thought gave to her manner a much +greater ease, and being also blended with the +pensiveness of her present feelings, presented her +to the eye of Lord Spoonbill as more interesting +and lovely than ever. His lordship was a vain +man; and to possess so lovely a creature as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[157]</a></span> +Penelope, would be the means of gratifying his +vanity. He was cunning enough however to +see that Miss Primrose was quite unsuspicious +of his designs, and that she did not anticipate a +revival of that discourse to which her earnest +supplications had put a stop. He felt therefore +that it would not be prudent hastily to recommence +a conversation of that nature, but to +endeavour to render himself more agreeable, and +to try to ascertain how far there yet remained in +her recollection any tender thoughts of Robert +Darnley.</p> + +<p>Such were his lordship’s intentions, but they +were frustrated by the manner in which Penelope +spoke, and by the decision with which she proposed +to cast herself on the patronage of the +Countess, and to adopt the profession so earnestly +recommended by her ladyship. Lord +Spoonbill to this proposal replied, that the +Countess would be most happy to afford Miss +Primrose all the assistance in her power; and his +lordship was also pleased to say, that this reso<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[158]</a></span>lution +would contribute very essentially to increase +the attractions of Lady Smatterton’s +parties.</p> + +<p>Penelope sighed and almost shuddered at the +thought; but, as the effort was made for the +sake of her father, she subdued or concealed her +reluctance. It was of course understood by his +lordship, that this resolution of the young lady +arose from the loss which her father had experienced; +it was therefore very natural that some +expressions of sympathy and concern should be +used on the occasion by the hereditary legislator. +These expressions were gratefully received +by Penelope, though her language of acknowledgment +was only the language of looks and +imperfectly suppressed tears.</p> + +<p>Lord Spoonbill interpreted this emotion as an +omen in his favour; and he was tempted by his +evil genius to say something farther in allusion +to the prohibited topic. He was greatly and +agreeably surprised to hear no express and hasty +interruption; and fearful lest this silence should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[159]</a></span> +proceed only from abstraction of mind, he went +on to speak more decidedly and less equivocally +concerning his attachment to the young lady. +Penelope gave symptoms of understanding his +lordship, but shewed no decided or obvious +marks of disapprobation. There seemed to be, +and there certainly was, a strong conflict in her +mind. She had not, indeed, ceased to think +tenderly and affectionately of Robert Darnley; +but she had nearly, if not altogether, ceased to +hope. The conflict in her mind was between +her affection for her father and her indifference +to Lord Spoonbill. We will not say that her +vanity was not flattered by the apparent offer +of so splendid an alliance. It perhaps influenced +her as little as it would influence any +one; but when the mind is just recovering from +the pains and mortifications of a first disappointment, +it is mightily indifferent to matters of +sentiment. The very loss of a first love is of +itself so great an affliction, that it appears as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[160]</a></span> +if no condition of being could render the affliction +greater.</p> + +<p>Finding that Penelope returned no answer to +his protestations of attachment, and that she +did not withdraw her hand from his grasp, his +lordship proceeded to urge his suit in the common +language adapted for such occasions as the +present, and used by such persons as his lordship. +Penelope, fancying that she was about +to give her consent to become Lady Spoonbill, +prefaced that consent by expressing her fears +that the Earl and Countess of Smatterton would +look down, with disapprobation at least, on one +so humble and portionless. To obviate this +objection his lordship, who did not, or who +would not see the misapprehension of the young +lady, observed that the Earl and Countess need +not know anything of the arrangement.</p> + +<p>“But how is that possible?” inquired Penelope +in the simplicity of her heart.</p> + +<p>In explaining that possibility his lordship also<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[161]</a></span> +explained the object which he had in view in +making a declaration of his attachment. Now +Penelope, who had been brought up under the +roof and instruction of Dr Greendale, and who +knew no more of the world than the world knew +of her, was not able immediately and readily to +comprehend his lordship’s meaning, and when +she did comprehend it, she was shocked and +astonished at it; her pride also, of which she +possessed constitutionally an abundant share, +took alarm at the indignity, and she would, but +for the utter depression of her spirits, have +resented the insult loudly and contemptuously. +As it was, her only resource was in a copious +flood of silent tears, and when her paroxysm of +anguish was somewhat abated, so that she could +find utterance for words, she said:</p> + +<p>“My Lord Spoonbill, let me request you to +leave me. My father will soon return, and if +he should learn what has passed, I cannot +answer for the consequences.”</p> + +<p>The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill began<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[162]</a></span> +to discern symptoms of a horsewhipping, and +having acted dishonorably, he looked foolishly. +It was not generous to attempt to take advantage +of the misfortunes of Mr Primrose, and the +destitute condition of Penelope. But there was +in his lordship’s heart so great a regard for +Penelope, that he resolved at all events to make +her his own, and that if marriage was the only +condition, he would offer her marriage. With +this view he stammered out something which he +intended as an apology, and endeavoured, as +well as he could, to unsay all that he had said +concerning the humiliating arrangement which +he had at first proposed; but Penelope heard +him not, or if hearing, heeded him not.</p> + +<p>Hereupon his lordship became more earnest +in his solicitations, and made such clumsy attempts +to explain away his first proposal, that +the young lady began to think more contemptuously +of him than she had ever thought before. +And now his lordship saw that there was some +truth and justice in the observations which had<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[163]</a></span> +been thrown out by his friend Erpingham. Seeing +the lady so resolute and obdurate, he thought +it would be the wisest step that he could take +to leave her for the present, in hope that hereafter +her indignation might somewhat abate.</p> + +<p>When he was gone, the poor, perplexed, and +almost desolate one, felt in some measure relieved +by his absence; but, when she began to reflect, +she found that her hopes of the patronage of +Lady Smatterton were now gone; for it would +be absolutely impossible for her to place herself +again in a situation where she might be exposed +to the importunities of Lord Spoonbill. And +when at a late hour in the evening her father returned +from the City, it was too much for her to +receive him cheerfully, and she could no longer +speak sanguinely and with confidence concerning +her prospects under the patronage of Lady +Smatterton.</p> + +<p>As for Mr Primrose, no brighter prospect +seemed to shine before him; for he had gained +no intelligence. He had found, as he might<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[164]</a></span> +have expected, the office of his agent closed, +and there was no one in the house who could +give him the slightest information. He was astonished +at the world’s apathy; no one seemed to +sympathise with him. Everybody was wrapped +up in their own concerns, and the thoughts of all +seemed to be centred in themselves. This is +indeed not much to be wondered at. It is the +way of the world, and always has been, and +always will, until some change takes place which +we cannot yet anticipate or conjecture. It was +pleasantly observed by a sentimental jockey, who +lost by a considerable length the first race he +ever rode, “I’ll never ride another race as long +as I live. The riders are the most selfish, narrow-minded +creatures on the face of the earth. +They kept riding and galloping as fast as they +could, and never had once the kindness or civility +to stop for me.”</p> + +<p>In some such state of mind as this was Mr +Primrose when he returned from his fruitless +excursion in the City. All the inquiries which<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[165]</a></span> +he had made about his agent, as to where he +was, and how long the office had been shut, +and what time it would be open tomorrow, and +ten thousand other matters, had been answered +with a toil-saving brevity and a coldness, which +intimated that the persons answering the questions +had not so great an interest in them as the +person asking them.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[166]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Many</span> days had now passed away since Mr +Primrose had left Neverden and Smatterton, and +since Robert Darnley had expressed his resolution +to make prompt inquiry into the cause of +the interruption of the correspondence between +Penelope and himself. There had arrived no +intelligence from the young gentleman: but Mr +Primrose began now to think that he himself +had not done right in listening and yielding to +the delicate scruples of his daughter. The +father of Penelope was of that complexion of +mind that, under similar circumstances, he would +have thanked any one for removing any misunderstanding, +even had it been the lady herself.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[167]</a></span></p> + +<p>He knew that Robert Darnley had not been +the wilful cause of breaking off the correspondence, +and he knew also that his own daughter +had not neglected to answer the letters which +she had received. He knew that the parties +were attached to each other, and he had learned +from Penelope herself that there was no foundation +for the story of her attachment to Lord +Spoonbill. Now what should prevent him from +writing to Neverden to inform the young gentleman +of this fact? He thought that it would be +an act of kindness to both parties. Nevertheless, +it should be observed, that Mr Primrose +was not one of those terribly kind people who +force their kindness upon one, whether we like +it or not, as the man who beat his wife and +said, “It is all for your good, my dear.”</p> + +<p>When therefore he was fully satisfied that it +would be but an act of kindness to his daughter +to remove the mystery from the mind of Robert +Darnley, he did not take this step without first<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[168]</a></span> +consulting her for whose benefit such step was +to be taken. At breakfast he said to Penelope:</p> + +<p>“So, my dear, my excursion into the City +was to no purpose last night. I find that I +must make an earlier visit, and therefore I shall +go again to-day. I hope and trust I may find +matters not quite so bad as I first anticipated. +And I think that you need not be in a very +great hurry to engage in this profession. I +cannot say I like patronage. But why should +not we take some steps to let Robert Darnley +know that the breaking off the correspondence +was not your act? I think I ought to write to +him. Indeed I almost promised that I would. +Very likely he may be waiting till he hears from +me.”</p> + +<p>“My dear father,” exclaimed Penelope, “you +surely would not think of such a step as that. +It would be exceedingly indelicate, and might +expose me to contempt. Mr Darnley knows +that I am in London, and if he were at all dis<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[169]</a></span>posed +to renew the correspondence, or to have +an explanation of the cause of its interruption, +he would either have written or have made his +appearance in town. Knowing that I was at +Lord Smatterton’s, it was no difficult matter +to write to me; for the letter would be sure +to find me, if directed under cover to his lordship.”</p> + +<p>“But, my dear child,” interrupted Mr Primrose, +“I think he expects to hear from me; for +I recollect now having said something to that +effect.”</p> + +<p>“But after this long interval, if Mr Darnley +were really anxious, and at all concerned about +me, he would have written to press you to the +performance of your promise.”</p> + +<p>“He might have done so to be sure,” said her +father, slowly and thoughtfully, and then, as if +recollecting himself, he continued in a livelier +and quicker tone;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[170]</a></span> “but perhaps, as he has not +heard from me, he takes it for granted that you +really were desirous of dropping the correspondence; +and so after all you will appear to him +as the person by whose act and deed the acquaintance +has ceased.”</p> + +<p>“And what will he, or can he think,” rejoined +Penelope, “if, under present circumstances, there +should be on my part an effort made to renew +the acquaintance? No, no; let the matter rest. +Even if you did promise to write first, you may +be sure that he would not have waited patiently +all this while in expectation of hearing from you. +He might naturally enough suppose that I should +object to having overtures made as from me; +and if he had a real regard for me, we should +have heard from him by this time. My attachment +to Mr Darnley was founded on the qualities +and endowments of the mind, and if I were +deceived as to them, that attachment will soon +die away.”</p> + +<p>“Upon my word, child,” said Mr Primrose,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[171]</a></span> +“I really do not think you have any regard for +Mr Darnley. You are certainly captivated by +this Lord Spoonbill.”</p> + +<p>This was said by Mr Primrose not angrily, +but with a tone of mock reproach. Penelope +shuddered at the allusion to Lord Spoonbill; but +she endeavoured to conceal her emotion as much +as possible, lest she should be under the necessity +of informing her father of the proposal which +his lordship had made her the day before.</p> + +<p>While this conversation was passing between +Mr Primrose and his daughter, another scene +was passing at the town mansion of the Earl +of Smatterton, where his lordship and family +had arrived on the preceding day. Parliament +was about to meet after the prorogation. On +such occasions his lordship’s magnificence swelled +out to most extraordinary dimensions. Then did +he bethink himself that he was one of those who +held in his hand the destiny of the British empire; +and, when the postman brought letters from +divers parts of the kingdom, his lordship felt +himself to be the centre to which many minds +were directing their most anxious thoughts. The +letters were handed to his lordship on a silver<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[172]</a></span> +tray. The servant who brought them swelled +with importance, and even the silver tray shone +with unusual brightness beneath its important +burden.</p> + +<p>“It is very fatiguing,” his lordship would +sometimes say, “to have anything to do with +public business. I often envy the obscurity of +humble station. There is peace and quietness +in the lowly valley.”</p> + +<p>This, together with much more pompous sentimentality +of the same kind, his lordship would +utter when an unusual number of letters were +brought to him. On the morning to which we +now refer the number of letters was great, and +they were spread on the table by his important +lordship’s own right honorable hands. The contents +of some he anticipated, and of others he +uttered his conjectures.</p> + +<p>“Oh! here are two from Smatterton,” exclaimed +his lordship:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[173]</a></span> “one, I see, is from Kipperson: +that Kipperson is really a man of some +talent; he has very just views of things. This +letter from Kipperson is of course on private +business, which must be postponed to the more +important affairs which concern the destiny of +the empire. But from whom can this other +letter come? I have no other correspondent +there, except my cousin Letitia, and this is not +her writing.”</p> + +<p>Then his lordship looked very knowingly at +the letter again. But all this speechification +was perfectly needless; for if he wished to know +from whom the letter came, he had nothing to +do but to open it; and till he did open it he was +not likely to know anything about it. After a +full share of idle wonderment, his lordship took +the envelope off the mysterious letter, and found +that it was addressed to Mr Primrose. Thereat +his lordship was angry, and expressed great +astonishment at the liberty thus taken with his +right honorable name. On looking again at the +cover he discerned a few lines of apology, bearing +the signature of Robert Darnley, and stating that +the liberty had been taken because the writer<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[174]</a></span> +did not know the gentleman’s address, and +because he also understood that Mr Primrose’s +daughter was under his lordship’s roof.</p> + +<p>“And how am I to know the gentleman’s +address?” exclaimed his lordship with a most +magnificent air.</p> + +<p>But the Countess, who had been informed by +Lord Spoonbill that Penelope had the intention +of returning to undergo her ladyship’s patronage, +did not feel quite so angry as her lord, but +suggested that the young lord had seen Mr +Primrose, and knew the name of the hotel where +he lodged.</p> + +<p>“Certainly,” said Lord Spoonbill, “I will +take care of it.” And he forthwith laid hands +upon the letter. Lord Smatterton then added, +“I beg that Mr Primrose may be immediately +recommended to make known his address to +Mr Darnley, that this liberty may not be taken +again.”</p> + +<p>When Lord Spoonbill had possession of this +letter he forthwith began to think how he should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[175]</a></span> +dispose of it. He was not quite sure, though it +came from Robert Darnley to Mr Primrose, that +it must of necessity discourse concerning love +and Penelope. When his lordship therefore in +his own apartment sat muttering over the letter, +and wondering what it could contain, there was +some little more reason for his doubts and wonderments +than for those of Lord Smatterton over +the unopened cover addressed to himself. The +letter in possession of Lord Spoonbill was not +addressed to himself, and therefore he had no +right to open it, however deeply he might feel +interested in its contents.</p> + +<p>He took up the letter, and looked at the direction +and at the seal; and he endeavoured to +conjecture on what other subject than that of +Penelope Mr Darnley could write to Mr Primrose. +Then did his lordship poke his right +honorable finger and thumb into the open sides +of the letter, endeavouring to catch a glimpse +of a word or two that might help him over the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[176]</a></span> +difficulties of conjecture. But the letter was +so very ingeniously folded that not a single word +could be seen. Hereupon, incredible as it may +appear, his lordship was in a very great wrath, +and was offended with the insolence of Robert +Darnley, who had taken such pains to fold his +letter, as if he had a suspicion that any individual +of Lord Smatterton’s family should have +the meanness to look into it. This curious mode +of folding the letter induced his lordship to make +another and another attempt to read a line or a +word. But nothing could be seen. Now, in the +progress of these repeated efforts at investigation, +the letter was so much disfigured that his lordship, +with all his ingenuity, could not make it +look like itself again.</p> + +<p>Another difficulty now arose: for his lordship +was ashamed to send it in so questionable a +shape; and should he send or make any apology, +he must tell something very much like a lie, and +perhaps by his clumsiness in apologizing create<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[177]</a></span> +a suspicion of the real fact. Perplexed and undecided, +he thrust the letter into his pocket and +walked out.</p> + +<p>Lord Spoonbill must have been very much +attached to Miss Primrose to take all this +trouble, and to expose himself to so many annoyances +on her account; and the worst of the +matter was that he could not, in making his visit +to the young lady, quote all these instances of +mortification and self-denial as illustrations and +proofs of his devotedness to her. He could not +tell her that, for her sake, he had stooped to +meannesses of which any other man would have +been ashamed. He could not tell her that, in +order to place her in the enviable rank of nobility, +he had intercepted her letters and had corrupted +the integrity of Nick Muggins, the Smatterton +post-boy. By the way we cannot help +remarking, that Muggins was much to blame +for accepting a bribe to betray his trust. But +the love of gold is an universal passion, it is not +confined to any one class or condition of human<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[178]</a></span> +life; it influences the high and the low, the rich +and the poor, the learned and the unlearned;</p> + +<div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <div class="verse">“In peace it tunes the shepherd’s reed,</div> + <div class="verse">In war it mounts the warrior’s steed,</div> + <div class="verse">In halls in gay attire ’tis seen,</div> + <div class="verse">In hamlets dances on the green;</div> + <div class="verse">It rules the court, the camp, the grove,</div> + <div class="verse">And men below and gentlemen above.”</div> + </div> +</div> + + +<p>But to return to our enamoured hereditary +legislator. He was walking, he scarcely knew +whither, with Robert Darnley’s letter in his +pocket; and he was meditating most perplexedly +on the various events of human life, on +those at least which concerned himself, and he +thought that he had been acting very much like +a fool, and he felt very much inclined to make +a mighty effort to act like a wise man. But +wisdom is not an extemporaneous production +of a fool’s head. It required something more +than a volition to change the whole tenor of the +conduct.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[179]</a></span></p> + +<p>In his resolution to act more wisely, the Right +Honorable Lord Spoonbill made with himself +this stipulation, namely, that at all events, and +by any means honorable, or dishonorable, he must +have Miss Primrose; for it was absolutely impossible +that he could live without her. It was +therefore no easy matter for his lordship so to +manage matters as to gain Miss Primrose at all +events, and yet to act as a man of honor. For +here was in his pocket a letter, which, as a man +of honor, he ought immediately to hand over to +Mr Primrose; and yet he very strongly suspected, +that if the said letter should come into +the possession of the person to whom it was addressed, +it would be most probably the means +of placing an insuperable objection in the way of +his lordship’s designs. It also entered into the +mind of the meditating young gentleman that, +if the acquaintance between Miss Primrose and +Robert Darnley should be renewed, there might +be some talk about the letters which had not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[180]</a></span> +reached their destination, and there might be +made some enquiries. And what if, after all, +Nick Muggins should turn traitor! Who could +tell what influences fear or hope might exercise +over the uncivilized post-boy of Smatterton?</p> + +<p>Instruction being a much more important object +than amusement, we feel ourselves bound to +direct the attention of our readers to the instruction +which may be derived from the fact here +alluded to. Here is political instruction and +personal instruction. We do not believe a word +of the idle prating that some political greenhorns +make about secret service money; but we do +believe that many of those politicians, and they +are not a few, who mistake cunning for wisdom, +frequently become entangled in nets of their own +weaving, and fall into pits of their own digging. +To play the rogue with perfect success, is a +perfection almost beyond the reach of ordinary +humanity: for they, who have talent and power +to do so, are generally too wise to possess the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[181]</a></span> +inclination, and they who are weak enough to +possess the inclination, are in nine cases out of +ten too clumsy to carry it on with perfect success. +And the worst of it is, that they must +make use of tools which are either too strong +to be managed, or too weak to be depended on.</p> + +<p>This is also a lesson of instruction to persons +in private life, especially to those who have nothing +to do but to live on the fruits of their +grandfather’s industry, or their great grandfather’s +roguery; for it teaches them that, if they will +pursue those ends which are dishonorable, they +must also make use of dishonorable means; and +they will very frequently be placed in very uncomfortable +and mortifying situations.</p> + +<p>Now, however willing Lord Spoonbill might +have been to suffer the letter in his possession +to reach its proper destination, he found that he +could not send it without exposing his former +meanness to the risk of detection, and in all probability +defeating the end which he had in view<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[182]</a></span> +in intercepting the letters which were passing +between Miss Primrose and Robert Darnley. +In such perplexity, his lordship walked from one +street to another till he found himself at a very +considerable distance from Mr Primrose’s hotel.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[183]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Lord Spoonbill</span> was not like Cato. For history +records of the latter that he preferred being +good to seeming so: Lord Spoonbill had no +great objection to being a rogue, but did not +like to be thought one. It was therefore not +very pleasant for him to be placed in that dilemma, +of which we made mention in the last +chapter. He saw, or at least had good reason to +think that he saw, that Mr Darnley was bent on +renewing the acquaintance with Miss Primrose; +and he also feared that Penelope had not sufficiently +forgotten her first lover.</p> + +<p>There also occurred to his mind the thought +that it was possible for Mr Darnley to make a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[184]</a></span> +journey to London for a personal explanation, +if the letter to Mr Primrose should not be answered. +This consideration suggested to his +lordship the necessity of taking prompt and +decided measures. He saw that no chance remained +for him but in the way of matrimony. +He certainly dreaded the encounter with his right +honorable parents; but, if he could not live without +Penelope, it was absolutely necessary that he +should take steps to live with her.</p> + +<p>This is a very proper place wherein to make a +digression concerning the omnipotence of love; +and here we ought to be extremely pathetic, +shewing and demonstrating with heart-rending +eloquence, how irresistible is this universal passion: +and perhaps some of our readers, not many +we hope, may think that we ought to make a +very sentimental defence of Lord Spoonbill, as +some of our predecessors in the history of lovers +have made of those idle cubs who have shewn +their refinement and sensibility by seducing engaged +or betrothed affections. But we do not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[185]</a></span> +believe in the omnipotence of love; and we do +not think Lord Spoonbill at all deserving of pity. +Falling in love with Penelope was on his part +perfectly voluntary, deliberate, wilful, and intentional. +It is all very possible and very plausible +for an inexperienced and thoughtless youth +to find himself mightily attached to a young +woman before he is aware almost of the existence +of the passion; but this was not the case with +Lord Spoonbill. When he saw Miss Primrose he +admired her; when he became more acquainted +with her, he liked her; and, from pursuing, he +loved her. But he knew from the first that she +was otherwise engaged; and his designs towards +her had been degrading.</p> + +<p>We have dwelt long, and perhaps tediously, +on Lord Spoonbill’s embarrassment; we have +done so intentionally, because that embarrassment +dwelt tediously on his mind, and it was +necessary, for the sake of accuracy in the picture, +to represent the case not transiently, but +copiously.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[186]</a></span></p> + +<p>The result of the right honorable hereditary +legislator’s meditation was, that as it was not +possible for him to live without Penelope, and +as delay might expose him to the danger of being +compelled to do that which he knew to be impossible, +he would take the earliest opportunity +of making regular and deliberate overtures of +marriage. And he felt satisfied that the fascination +of title and the splendour of opulence +would be too much for a female heart to withstand. +There was also another thought on +which he grounded his hopes: he considered +that the affection which Penelope had for her +father would induce her more readily to accept +an offer which would provide her with the means +of assisting him.</p> + +<p>With this resolution he returned home; as he +thought that it might be more advisable to communicate +his intention to the parties concerned +by letter than by word of mouth. Probably +his lordship might imagine that, if thus Mr +Primrose were made acquainted with the mag<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[187]</a></span>nificent +offer that awaited his daughter’s acceptance, +paternal pride would be gratified, and +paternal authority might be added to other motives, +inducing the young lady’s compliance. +Lord Spoonbill was by no means fastidious as +to the manner in which he gained his object, +provided that the object was gained.</p> + +<p>His lordship dined that day at home. During +dinner he was silent, and looked almost +sulky. The Earl and Countess inferred from +these looks that their hopeful son was on the +eve of saying or doing something not very agreeable +to his parents; for he most usually prefaced +an act of opposition to their will by putting himself +into an ill-humour. This is a refined piece +of domestic tactics. None however but spoiled +children can use it with proper dexterity and +complete success. When a wife wishes to persuade +her husband out of his senses, or to guide +him against his better judgment, her prelude is +generally an extraordinary degree of sweetness, +and her preface is made of witching smiles; and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[188]</a></span> +then the husband thinks that it would be cruel +to convert such smiles into tears, and he passively +yields to the power of the silent logic of +the laughing eye. But the policy of a great +overgrown booby is different. The spoiled blockhead +knows that no art of his can give extra +loveliness to his looks in the eyes of his fond +parents. His own precious numskull is to them +the ne plus ultra of human excellence. But if +that sweet face is darkened by a frown, and if +the dear pet is sulky, cross-grained, and ill-humoured, +then anything and everything must be +conceded to bring him back to his good-humour +again.</p> + +<p>“Spoonbill, are you unwell?” said Lord Smatterton.</p> + +<p>“No,” replied Spoonbill in a style of sulky +abruptness, which Tony Lumpkin himself might +have envied.</p> + +<p>“You seem to be quite out of spirits to-day:” +said the Countess, in one of her most agreeable +and winning tones.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[189]</a></span></p> + +<p>“One cannot be always laughing and talking,” +was the uncourteous and ungrateful reply.</p> + +<p>Then followed a long pause. The Earl and +Countess scarcely dared to speak to each other, +and Lord Spoonbill pertinaciously held his peace. +Now such a state of things cannot last long; +it is absolutely unbearable. Very soon after +the servants had left the room, as the young +man’s silence and sulkiness yet continued, Lord +Smatterton, who thought himself a bit of a politician, +gave her ladyship a hint to indulge them +with her absence.</p> + +<p>When they were alone, the Earl of Smatterton +thus addressed his hopeful son: “Spoonbill, I +fear that something is preying upon your mind. +May I be permitted to know what it is that disturbs +you?”</p> + +<p>Lord Spoonbill did not make any reply to this +consolatory interrogation: for he felt very well +satisfied that the communication of the cause +of his concern would not be very likely to remove +it. He therefore thought it best to con<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[190]</a></span>trive, +if it could be so managed, to let the truth +come out gradually, and to bring his father to +guess, than to tell abruptly, the cause of his +oppression.</p> + +<p>“You are silent,” said the Earl of Smatterton. +Lord Spoonbill knew that without requiring +to be told of it. The Earl then continued:</p> + +<p>“Why should you conceal from me anything +that concerns and interests you? I am only desirous +of promoting your welfare; and, if in any +matter I can serve you, command me.”</p> + +<p>It is quite contrary to our notions of propriety +that sons should command their parents; it was +also contrary to Lord Smatterton’s ideas of his +own dignity that any one should dictate to him; +but in the present instance he adopted the courtier’s +language. As his son did not seem disposed +to command him, the father felt very much +inclined to command his son, and to insist with +mighty dignity on knowing the cause of this +strange behaviour. But Lord Spoonbill was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[191]</a></span> +rather too old to be treated like a boy. His +lordship would not be snubbed; but he could +not always escape a lecturing.</p> + +<p>There is this difference between the rational +and irrational part of the creation; that, among +the irrational animals, the parents are in haste to +give their offspring a hint of their independence; +but among rational beings, the young ones are +more in haste to throw off their dependence than +parents to renounce their authority or withdraw +their protection. One reason perhaps for this +arrangement is, that rational youngsters are not +quite so well able to guide and to take care of +themselves as irrational animals are.</p> + +<p>The feeling of which we are here speaking +operated very powerfully in the minds of Lord +Smatterton and his son. The father was especially +fond of authority, and the son as fond of +independence: but the father held the purse, +and there lay the great secret of his power. +Lord Spoonbill knew that he could not marry<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[192]</a></span> +Miss Primrose without the consent of more parties +than himself and the young lady; he knew +that the means of an establishment must be contributed +by his own right honorable father; and +therefore his consideration was, how to obtain +that consent, and how to reconcile his father’s +well-known horror of plebeianism with his own +marriage, with the daughter of a man who had +originally sprung from the City. To have made +the proposal flatly and plainly, would have put +the Earl into a most tremendous passion. It +was therefore necessary to have recourse to management.</p> + +<p>Finding that the Earl was slow in uttering +conjectures, Lord Spoonbill was compelled to +give broader hints; and for that purpose he rose +from his seat and walked to the fire-place, and +put his elbow on the chimney-piece, and his +hand upon his forehead, and sighed—oh, how +he did sigh! He would have been a fine subject +for Chantrey; but neither Chantrey nor any one<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[193]</a></span> +else could have immortalized that magnificent +sigh.</p> + +<p>At this movement the Earl started, and exclaimed: +“Are you in love, Spoonbill?”</p> + +<p>“Suppose I am, sir;” replied the son of the +patrician, “and what then?”</p> + +<p>“What then!” echoed Lord Smatterton; “that +very much depends on the person who has +engaged your affections. If it be a suitable +connexion, I shall throw no impediment in your +way.”</p> + +<p>“But, perhaps, what may appear a suitable +connexion to me may not appear in the same +light to you.”</p> + +<p>“Of course you will not think of marrying a +woman of no understanding.”</p> + +<p>“Certainly not,” replied Lord Spoonbill cheerfully +and confidently; “I could not bear to live +with a wife who was not a person of intellect.”</p> + +<p>Some of our readers might not have expected +this remark from Lord Smatterton, or this reply +from Lord Spoonbill; but let those readers look<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[194]</a></span> +out among their acquaintance for a great blockhead, +and let them talk to him about intellect, +and they will not wonder that Lord Spoonbill +had a fancy for an intellectual wife. There is, +now a-days, a great demand for intellect, and a +demand will always create a supply of some sort +or other.</p> + +<p>“And I think,” continued the Earl of Smatterton, +“that I know your opinions on that +subject too well to suppose that you would ever +degrade yourself so far as to marry a person of +low birth.”</p> + +<p>Lord Spoonbill bit his lips; and said, “I +would never marry a woman of vulgar manners, +whatever might be her birth.”</p> + +<p>“You are right,” said the Earl; “but why +can you not tell me at once, without all this +circumlocution, who is the lady that is destined +to the honor of becoming Lady Spoonbill?”</p> + +<p>Here the young man hesitated and demurred, +and endeavoured to say something that should +amount to nothing. But the Earl was not con<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[195]</a></span>tent +to be put off evasively, and pressed so hard, +that at length the secret was extorted. Then +was the Lord of Smatterton exceedingly astonished +and grieved, and he groaned and shook +his head most solemnly, and in a tone of great +anguish of mind, said;</p> + +<p>“Oh, Spoonbill! Spoonbill! That you should +ever have come to this! And have you made the +young woman an offer of your hand?”</p> + +<p>“I have,” replied the son, who thought that +the readiest way of bringing the matter to a +conclusion would be to avow it at once.</p> + +<p>But, when the Earl farther enquired whether +the offer had been accepted or not, the young +lord was under the necessity of acknowledging +that it had not been exactly accepted, but that +he had no doubt it would be. This was a curious +piece of refinement in the art of lying. Lord +Spoonbill was too scrupulous to commit himself +by a downright palpable falsehood, which might +be detected, but instead of that he had recourse +to one of those lies, which are not so easy of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[196]</a></span> +detection, but which answer quite as well the +purpose of deceit. It was quite as much a lie to +say that he had no doubt that his offer would be +accepted, as it would have been to say that it +had already been accepted. But the one lie +might have been detected, the other could not. +He had doubts of his acceptance, and serious +doubts too; but he thought that if the young +lady and her father found that the match was +countenanced by the Earl, and, if proposals +could be fairly and fully made before Mr Darnley +should have an opportunity of holding any intercourse +with Miss Primrose or her father, there +was a possibility of success.</p> + +<p>This information was indeed melancholy news +to Lord Smatterton, who had enjoyed and pleased +himself with the thought that he had to boast +of true patrician blood, and who looked forward +to see his only son uphold the dignity of his +house. There is a pleasure in greatness which +none but great ones know. It had been the +pride of the Earl of Smatterton to look down<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[197]</a></span> +with contempt on such noble families as had +degraded themselves by admixture with plebeian +blood. Now all his sneers and sarcasms, he +thought, would be turned against himself, and it +pained him to think that it might be said of him, +“that is Lord Smatterton, whose son married a +woman from the City.”</p> + +<p>His lordship knew that his son was obstinate +and headstrong, and he saw that there was no +mode of preventing the catastrophe, if the young +man had set his mind upon it. But notwithstanding +he knew that opposition must be fruitless, +he could not help speaking in his own +peculiarly emphatic manner against the proposed +match.</p> + +<p>“Spoonbill,” said the Earl, “marry Miss +Primrose if you please; but remember”—here +his lordship made a most magnificent pause—“remember +that your establishment must be +from the fortune of your destined bride. From +me you have nothing.”</p> + +<p>Had circumstances been otherwise than they<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[198]</a></span> +were, and not requiring such despatch, Lord +Spoonbill would not have heeded this speech. +He would have known that ultimately he should +succeed with his magnificent father; but his +object was to come to a speedy decision; he +wished to be able at once to make a decided +proposal. At this remark of his father Lord +Spoonbill was angry and sulky, and he pettishly +replied; “I think I have a right to marry as I +please.”</p> + +<p>“And I also have a right to use my property +as I please; and I will never consent to appropriate +any part of it to the purpose of introducing +a woman of low birth into my family.”</p> + +<p>It may be very well supposed by our readers, +that the discussion on this interesting topic between +Lord Smatterton and his son did not end +here; and we shall not be blamed for omitting +the remainder of the angry discussion between +father and son on this very interesting and +delicate topic. It may be very easily imagined +that the son went on grumbling, and that the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[199]</a></span> +father went on prosing, for a considerable length +of time, and that they did not arrive at any +satisfactory conclusion.</p> + +<p>It may be also very easily imagined that when +the melancholy intelligence was communicated +to Lady Smatterton, her ladyship must have +suffered very acutely when she found that her +beloved and only child had so far forgotten the +pure and high principles in which he had been +nourished, as to think of bringing misery and +disgrace into a noble family, by letting down the +Spoonbills to an alliance with the Primroses.</p> + +<p>It is a pity that in these days of invention +and ingenuity no contrivance can be hit upon +for preventing such miserable and heart-breaking +casualties, as patrician youths falling in love +with plebeian damsels. The “order” of hereditary +legislators has been in many instances most +cruelly and mercilessly invaded by impertinent, +instrusive plebeians. Sometimes love and sometimes +necessity have compelled an union between +the high and low; and yet, notwith<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[200]</a></span>standing +these painful and melancholy admixtures, +patricianism has kept up a very pretty +spirit of distinctness, and does yet contain some +choice specimens of the finer sorts of humanity. +How much more magnificent and sublime patricianism +might have been but for these admixtures, +it is impossible to say.</p> + +<p>It is enough however for our present purpose +to observe that, with all the power which Lord +Spoonbill, as an only one and a spoiled child, +possessed over his parents, he was not able, even +with the additional force of his sulkiness and +ill-humour, to bring them to assent to the ill-assorted +union which he contemplated. The +Earl and Countess of Smatterton could not give +their consent to such a humiliating and degrading +connexion. They did not indeed know who +or what Mr Primrose was, but they did know +who and what he was not. They knew that he +was not of their set; that he was not a man of +family or title, and that whatever property he +might possess, he had acquired it by his own<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[201]</a></span> +diligence or wit. Now that was an abomination, +an indelible disgrace, a reproach not easily to +be wiped away. They took it for granted, +indeed, that Mr Primrose had some property; +but if they had known that even the little property +which he had was placed in jeopardy, +their indignation would have been greater still +at the folly of their own and only precious pet +essaying to unite himself with a young woman +who had nothing to recommend her but the +possession of almost every virtue that can adorn +the female character, united with a strong and +masculine understanding, and embellished with +gracefulness of manners, gentleness of deportment, +and a moral dignity, which was high +enough to look down with indifference on the +accidental distinctions of society.</p> + +<p>All that Lord Spoonbill could gain from his +inexorable and right honorable parents, was a +promise that they would think about it.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[202]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">It</span> is a sad thing to be the most unfortunate +creature in the world; and the only consolation +under such calamity, is the thought that it is +by no means uncommon. Almost every body is +in this condition at some period or other of his +life. This calamity befel Lord Spoonbill at the +juncture of which we are now writing. It happened +under the following circumstances.</p> + +<p>We have related that Mr Primrose, after hearing +of the stoppage of his banker, went into the +City to his agent at a preposterously late hour +of the day, and that in so doing he lost his +labour. We have also related that, during the +absence of Mr Primrose from his hotel, the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[203]</a></span> +Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill called and made +overtures to Miss Primrose. We have also related +that Lord Spoonbill, finding that it was +absolutely impossible to live without Penelope, +and finding also that, without an establishment, it +would be as impossible to live with her, had made +known to his respected parents his intention to +lead that same young lady to the altar, or, in +plain English, to marry her. Leading a lady +to the altar is merely a newspaper phrase, and +sounds heathenish; we ought rather to say, +leading her to the communion table. But, not +to use superfluous words, let us proceed.</p> + +<p>We have narrated that the right honorable +parents of Lord Spoonbill were indignant at the +proposal of their son, and we have also stated +that despatch was to the young gentleman an +object of the greatest importance. The reason +why he was in so much haste has also been +stated.</p> + +<p>Now it so happened, that on the very day on +which the letter of Robert Darnley was inter<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[204]</a></span>cepted +at the house of Lord Smatterton, and by +the meanness of Lord Spoonbill, Mr Primrose +went again into the City and called on his agent, +and made enquiries concerning the probabilities +or chances of his bankers paying a good dividend. +In these enquiries he found himself most +agreeably surprised, by ascertaining two very +important points: one was, that only part, and +that no very great part of his property had been +paid into the hands of the said banker; and another +was, that what had been already paid there +would, in all probability, be soon forthcoming +again, very little, if at all, diminished by the untoward +circumstances that compelled a stoppage.</p> + +<p>While therefore Lord Spoonbill was sulking +and pouting to his papa and mama about Penelope +Primrose, that young lady was enjoying the +agreeable and pleasant intelligence which her +father had brought from the City. The brief +discussion which passed between the father and +daughter concerning the propriety of writing to +Robert Darnley, we have already narrated. This<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[205]</a></span> +took place on the morning of the day on which +Mr Primrose, going into the City, found his affairs +in so much better order than he had anticipated.</p> + +<p>On the evening of that day the subject was +renewed, though but faintly and indirectly. But +in the course of conversation Mr Primrose +alluded to the offer which Mr Pringle, the new +rector of Smatterton, had made of accommodating +Mr Primrose with the parsonage-house, provided +he should choose to take up his residence at Smatterton. +Now Penelope loved Smatterton for +many reasons. There had she first learned to +know and feel what was real kindness of heart. +With that village were blended all her early +associations and recollections. She loved the +village church, and there was to her ear music +in its abrupt little ring of six small bells. The +very air of the village was wholesome to her, +morally as well as physically. The great booby +boys and the freckled girls of the village were +her intimates; not her companions indeed, but +she could sympathize with them, although they<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[206]</a></span> +could not always sympathize with her. She also +knew the cows and the dogs and the horses. +She knew the names of a great many of them; +and very often, during her short sojourn in the +great city, she had called to mind with a starting +tear the recollection of the monotonous, drawling, +daily tone, with which the farmers’ men +talked to these animals.</p> + +<p>When therefore her father proposed taking up +his abode at Smatterton, and hiring for that purpose +the parsonage-house, she altogether forgot +its vicinity to Neverden and its association with +the name of Darnley, and she was delighted with +the prospect of going back again to those scenes +with which her mind connected images of pleasure +and recollections of peace.</p> + +<p>It was with ready and delightful acquiescence +that Penelope assented to the proposal; and as +Mr Primrose saw that his child was pleased with +the thought of going to reside at Smatterton, +he hastened to put his intentions into execution; +and at the very time that Lord Spoonbill was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[207]</a></span> +grumbling about his right to marry whomsoever +he pleased, Mr Primrose was making arrangements +to leave London.</p> + +<p>The father of Penelope was not slow in his +movements, and he was not in the habit of giving +his purposes time to cool. He wrote by that +evening’s post to Smatterton, and at an early +hour on the following morning he and his +daughter commenced their journey. So that +when Lord Spoonbill, who heeded not his father’s +long lecture on the subject of dignity, +called again at Mr Primrose’s hotel, and heard +that the gentleman and his daughter were gone, +and that they were gone to Smatterton, then his +lordship was grieved beyond measure, and his +perplexity was serious, and his fears rose within +him: for he took it for granted that there must +soon be an interview and an explanation, and +then he distrusted Nick Muggins, and there rose +up before his mind’s eye the phantom of that +ungainly cub and his clumsy pony: that image +which, in the recollection of most who had seen<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[208]</a></span> +it, would excite a smile at its uncouthness, was +to the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill productive +of very painful emotions and disagreeable +apprehensions. So his lordship thought himself +the most unfortunate creature in the world.</p> + +<p>Then again there was in his lordship’s possession +the letter from Robert Darnley to Mr Primrose, +and his lordship hardly knew what to do +with that. He thought that the secret of his +having already detained it for a whole day must +inevitably transpire. Whether he should send +it or detain it would be equally ruinous to his +schemes. He looked very thoughtfully at the +letter, and at length resolved to send it with an +explanation to Mr Primrose at Smatterton. He +thought that, if there should be on the letter +any symptoms of curious or prying fingers, it +might be attributed to any one rather than to +his lordship; and he thought that, at the worst, +no one would explicitly charge him with an +attempt to penetrate into its secresy. The letter +was therefore despatched with an apology for its<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[209]</a></span> +detention as much like a lie as anything that a +lord could write.</p> + +<p>There was nothing now left for Lord Spoonbill +to do but to sigh over his calamitous loss +as deeply as he could, and to explain to his +father, as ingeniously as might be, the singular +event of the sudden departure of Mr Primrose +and his daughter from London, at the very moment +when a right honorable suitor for the young +lady’s hand had started up in the person of Lord +Spoonbill. The son said it was very strange, and +the father also thought it was very strange, and +he recommended his son not to have any farther +correspondence with persons who could behave +thus disrespectfully. But the young gentleman +was too much enamoured to listen to such advice, +and he exercised most heartily all his little +wits to devise means of carrying on his suit to +Penelope.</p> + +<p>For the present we must leave his loving lordship +in London, enjoying all the luxuries and +splendors which gas, fog, smoke, foolery, wax<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[210]</a></span> +candles, painted faces, late hours, French cookery, +Italian music, prosy dancing, Whig politics, +and patrician scandal, could afford him. It is +far more to our taste to follow Mr Primrose and +his daughter into the country than to remain +with Lord Spoonbill in London. If any of our +readers wish to know what Lord Spoonbill did +with himself in London, they may form a tolerably +correct idea from ascertaining how the rest +of that tribe occupy their time. He was a very +fashionable man, he knew all the common-places +perfectly, and with his own set he was quite at +home. There let us leave him.</p> + +<p>Mr Primrose and Penelope travelled to Smatterton +in perfect safety; and the father congratulated +himself and his daughter upon their safe +arrival, observing that had they ventured to use +the stage-coach instead of post-chaises, they +would certainly have had their necks broken +at the bottom of some steep hill.</p> + +<p>Their reception at Smatterton parsonage was +most cordial and highly courteous. Nothing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[211]</a></span> +could exceed the happiness of the young rector +in receiving under his roof so respected a friend +as Mr Primrose. Preparations had been made +according to the best of the young clergyman’s +ability; and, as Mr Primrose’s letter mentioned +the day and the hour of his arrival, Mr Pringle +thought that he could not do otherwise than +make a party to meet the gentleman at dinner.</p> + +<p>Since the departure of Mrs Greendale from +Smatterton, the establishment of Mr Pringle had +continued the same, but his domestics had not +had a very bustling life; and they ventured to +contradict the popular theory which represents +man as a creature of habit. For during the +reign of Mrs Greendale they had been accustomed +to fly about the house with unceasing +bustle and activity, but since her departure they +had become almost as lazy as their master. The +domestics were two female servants, one about +sixty and the other about forty. They were +clumsy and uncouth, but their clumsiness was +hardly visible in the time of Mrs Greendale; for<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[212]</a></span> +under her administration they had been habituated +to move about with most marvellous celerity, +and now that the old lady was departed +they seemed glad to take breath, and they took +it very leisurely. It was a great mercy that they +were not absolutely broken-winded.</p> + +<p>There was also remaining in the establishment +a man servant, an amphibious animal as it were, +not because he lived partly on land and partly +in water, but as living partly in the house and +partly out of it. He was a mighty pluralist, and +filled, or rather occupied, many places; and from +the universality of his genius he might, had he +been in higher station, have aspired to be prime +minister, commander-in-chief, lord chancellor, +and archbishop of Canterbury. As it was, his +occupations were quite as multitudinous and +heterogeneous. His great skill was in gardening, +and finding that he was successful in cultivating +cabbages, he ventured also to undertake the +cavalry department in the late Dr Greendale’s +service. His duties here were not many or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[213]</a></span> +oppressive, seeing that the late doctor kept but +one horse, and that was very quiet and gentle. +This universal genius acted also as butler and +footman. In this last capacity he did not shine. +He did not want for head, he had enough of +that, and more than enough. As for figure, it is +difficult to say what that was, it was so exceedingly +indefinite. It was considerate of the late +Dr Greendale that he did not task the poor man +very hardly as to his department of footman. +But the new rector loved state, and it was his +pride to keep a livery servant, and he would also +insist upon the attendance of this man at table. +And though the footman was not himself a great +adept in waiting at table, he soon brought his +master to wait.</p> + +<p>With this ungainly establishment, the Reverend +Charles Pringle took it into his head to give a +dinner to as many as he could collect, in order +to pay a compliment to Mr Primrose, and to pay +court to Miss Primrose. Unfortunately for Mr +Pringle it did not answer.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[214]</a></span></p> + +<p>It would be wearying to our readers to have +the particulars and the failures of a clumsy +mockery of an elegant dinner set forth at full +length. Let it be supposed that there was expense, +inelegance, constraint, anxiety, mortification. +As we are not writing for cooks, we pass +over the minutenesses of a spoiled dinner; the +greatest evil of which was, that the party was in +some degree silent during the progress of dinner, +for they had not much opportunity of talking +gastronomically.</p> + +<p>The English people can talk, but they must +have something to begin with. If they meet out +of doors, they must begin talking about the +weather, and within doors, especially at dinner +time, they must begin talking about eatables +and drinkables. From such beginnings they can +go on to any subject; but they must of necessity +have a common-place beginning.</p> + +<p>After the cloth was removed, and the spoiled +or ill-arranged dishes were forgotten, the party +felt themselves more at liberty. We have not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[215]</a></span> +yet named the persons who composed the party; +and when we say that Mr Kipperson, Mr Zephaniah +Pringle, and five or six of lesser note were +present, our readers may well suppose that there +was no lack of inclination to discourse, especially +on the part of those two gentlemen whom we +have named.</p> + +<p>Now it has been stated, that Zephaniah the +critic had carried down to Smatterton an awkward +rumour concerning Penelope Primrose. +The source from whence the said critic had gathered +the information has been also stated. But +as soon as the intelligence of Mr Primrose’s +intention to reside with his daughter at Smatterton +reached the new rector, and was by him +communicated to his brother and to Mr Kipperson, +a virtual contradiction was given to the ill report; +and then all three of the gentlemen found out +that they had never believed it.</p> + +<p>To render themselves as agreeable as possible +to Mr Primrose, the three whom we have named +talked great abundance of nonsense and magni<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[216]</a></span>ficence. +Their first concern immediately after +dinner was to consult on the best means of saving +the nation. Mr Kipperson was well satisfied +that nothing would or could do the nation the +slightest service, so long as the agricultural +interest was neglected. There were two serious +evils which were growing worse and worse, the +increase of the population, and the importation +of foreign grain. The ingenious agriculturist +proved that the farmer was eaten up by the +increasing population, and that the quantity of +grain in the country was so large that it could +not find consumers.</p> + +<p>Zephaniah Pringle agreed with Mr Kipperson +in the grand principle that there were too many +consumers for the corn, and too much corn for +the consumers. There was the great evil, he +thought, in these two troubles existing at once; +were they in existence separately they might +soon be got rid of. The consumers might consume +an extra quantity, and soon settle matters +in that way, or the want of corn might thin the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[217]</a></span> +consumers, and soon settle matters that way. +But, while the two evils operated together, they +were dreadful calamities.</p> + +<p>Those of our readers who are not agriculturists, +or political economists, cannot understand +this reasoning, or, more properly speaking, they +will not; they are blinded by their own interested +feelings; they have prejudices which agriculturists +have not.</p> + +<p>But though Zephaniah Pringle agreed with +Mr Kipperson, that the people were starving because +there was too much corn, and that the +corn could not find consumers because there +were so many people to eat it, yet he thought +that there were more serious evils in the country +yet. He thought that those obscure seditious +newspapers and vile trumpery publications, which +nobody reads and which everybody despises, +which are published by a set of needy miscreants, +who spare no expense in circulating +them all over the kingdom, had corrupted the +minds of all the people in this once happy land.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[218]</a></span> +He thought that the nation was in a most prosperous +condition, and that nothing was wanting +to render it more prosperous, than an additional +number of bishops, and an increase in the numbers +of the yeomanry cavalry.</p> + +<p>Mr Primrose listened with polite and pleased +attention to these dextrous and acute politicians, +and he thought that his Majesty need +never be at a loss for a prime minister, or for +two, if he wanted them, while Zephaniah Pringle +and Mr Kipperson should live. But, as Mr +Primrose was neither an agriculturist, nor a political +economist, he felt himself a little puzzled +to reconcile the apparent contradiction which +was contained in Mr Kipperson’s statement of +the agricultural grievances. Mr Kipperson was +very properly angry with Mr Primrose for expressing +a doubt on the subject; and the +scientific agriculturist immediately and satisfactorily +explained that all the superfluous population +was pennyless, and could not pay for the +corn which they would like to consume. Where<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[219]</a></span>upon +Mr Primrose understood that in the good +old times people were born with money in their +pockets.</p> + +<p>Zephaniah Pringle almost feared that Mr +Primrose was a radical, at least he thought he +was in the high road to become so, unless he +should resist that foolish propensity of wishing +to understand what he talked about.</p> + +<p>There might have been at the table of Mr +Pringle, rector of Smatterton, some diversity of +political opinion, as there certainly was, seeing +that Mr Kipperson was a Whig, and Zephaniah +Pringle a Tory; but the corn question most cordially +united them. How far these gentlemen +differed in some other points, we have seen +already in the matter of mechanics’ institutes. +On this subject Mr Kipperson’s hopes were +rather too sanguine; and perhaps Zephaniah the +critic was too nervously susceptible, on the +other hand, of apprehensions of danger to the +Protestant succession; for, to his mind, the mechanics’ +institutes had no other ultimate object<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[220]</a></span> +in view than transubstantiation and republicanism.</p> + +<p>Concerning gymnastics, the gentlemen also +differed. Zephaniah condemned them in toto, +and so did the rector of Smatterton, in spite of +his whiggism. Mr Kipperson spoke very learnedly +about muscles and tension, and proved +that bodily exercise was essential to intellectual +vigour; but he had the candour to acknowledge +that he could never persuade his men to take +gymnastic exercises when their day’s work was +over; and he attributed their ignorance of science +to their neglect of gymnastics.</p> + +<p>The whole of the conversation, to which we +have above alluded, did not take place in the +hearing of Miss Primrose, nor indeed did one +tenth part of it; for the fatigue of the journey, +together with the agitation of her spirits, led her +to make an early retreat from the dining-room. +And the old female servant, who had known +Penelope from childhood, was delighted in the +opportunity of again attending upon her. Fluent<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[221]</a></span> +was the old gentlewoman’s speech, and mightily +communicative was she touching the various +changes which had taken place in Smatterton +and Neverden since the decease of the good +Dr Greendale. The kind-hearted woman also +expressed herself delighted at the return of Miss +Primrose to Smatterton, inasmuch as there was +one person who would be so happy to see her +again, and that person was Mr Robert Darnley. +Penelope begged that his name might never be +mentioned again in her hearing, and thereupon +the poor old domestic began to fear that there +was some truth in the stories that had been +talked about in the village concerning Miss +Primrose and Lord Spoonbill. And when the +old servant found that she could not talk to her +late young mistress concerning love-matters, she +hastily finished her discourse and left the young +lady to retire quietly to rest.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[222]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">The</span> news of Mr Primrose’s arrival at Smatterton +soon reached the rectory at Neverden. Had +it not found its way there sooner, Mr Zephaniah +Pringle would have been the first to communicate +the intelligence on the following morning. +The arrival having been announced, was of course +expected. And there was much anxiety felt on +the subject by all the parties concerned: of +course more especially by Robert Darnley. For +in consequence of his letter having been unanswered, +he had fully determined, in spite of +all domestic opposition and paternal expostulation, +to make a journey to London for the purpose +of explanation.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[223]</a></span></p> + +<p>The elder Mr Darnley was mightily displeased +to hear of the purpose which Mr Primrose had +in view in coming to Smatterton. To the fastidious +mind of the rector of Neverden it appeared +very indelicate for Miss Primrose, after +what had taken place, to throw herself in the +way of Mr Robert Darnley: for in no other light +could the rector of Neverden regard the meditated +settlement of Mr Primrose at Smatterton.</p> + +<p>It is a great pity that such a man as Mr +Darnley, who had for the most part a good understanding +and good feelings, should be so +obstinate in his prejudices and so immoveable +in his fancies. He had, for some reason or +other, taken it into his head that Miss Primrose +was proud and fantastical and unfeeling; and +nothing could bring him to think favourably of +her. He saw everything that she did or said +through the deceptive medium of his erroneous +apprehension of her character. It was a vain +attempt to turn him from his humour. He +had thoroughly believed at the first the calum<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[224]</a></span>nious +report brought from London by Zephaniah +Pringle. He had also believed that it was +Penelope’s own wish, purpose, and desire, to +adopt the musical profession; and though he +had felt satisfied that the cessation of the correspondence +between his son and the young lady +had sprung altogether from the caprice of the +latter, yet he considered that this meditated +residence in Smatterton was, on the part of +Penelope, with a desire of meeting again with +Robert Darnley.</p> + +<p>We have already acknowledged, nor do we +wish to retract the acknowledgment, that the +rector of Neverden was a very conscientious, +attentive, and upright parish priest; we will +give him credit for great zeal and activity in +the discharge of his pastoral duties; but, notwithstanding +all this, he was grievously deficient +in one part of the Christian character, seeing +that he had very little of that “charity which +thinketh no evil.” We have seen other good +people, besides the rector of Neverden, who,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[225]</a></span> +fancying themselves models of all that is right, +and patterns for the rest of the world, have exercised +a perverse ingenuity in discovering, and +an unholy pleasure in displaying and condemning, +their neighbours’ faults, real or imaginary. +These people imagine that they cannot show a +dislike of what is wrong without exhibiting a +degree of malignity against such as transgress. +Now the late Dr Greendale, though a man of +great purity and integrity, had no such feeling +as this. He was as candid as he was pure, and +his gentleness was equal to his integrity. And +the people of his parish liked him very much for +his goodness and gentleness, and so his character +had a very powerful influence upon them. +But Mr Darnley was a different kind of man.</p> + +<p>When Zephaniah Pringle therefore made his +appearance at Neverden, and repeated the information +which had already been conveyed to the +rectory, as touching the arrival of Mr and Miss +Primrose at Smatterton, the Rev. Mr Darnley<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[226]</a></span> +expressed himself astonished at the indecorum +and want of feeling which Miss Primrose +manifested.</p> + +<p>“Mr Pringle, I am quite surprized at this +intelligence. Your relative at Smatterton has +certainly a right to let the parsonage-house if +he pleases; but I must say that I could wish, +for the sake of public morals, that it had a more +respectable tenant.”</p> + +<p>Now as Penelope had appeared most truly +respectable, and not a little fascinating in the +eyes of Zephaniah the critic, and as he was not +quite certain that the rumour which he had been +the means of circulating was quite founded on +fact, and as his doubts were stronger after he +had seen Penelope and her father, he wished to +unsay or to soften down what he had said. He +therefore replied to the above exclamation:</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[227]</a></span></p> +<p>“Why really, sir, I must say that I think Miss +Primrose a respectable young lady, and it is +probable that the report which I heard in town +may not be perfectly correct. And indeed, as +the lady is about to reside with her father, it is +certainly not true to its full extent.”</p> + +<p>Mr Darnley was not much in the habit of +changing his opinion on matters of fact any +more than on matters of speculation; and having +once felt himself persuaded that Miss Primrose +had acted improperly, it was no easy matter +for Mr Pringle to bring him to change the view +which he had entertained of the young lady’s +character. Reasoning may be a very fine thing, +and logic may be a very fine thing, and facts may +be very stubborn things; but neither reasoning +nor logic can make a man change his opinion, if +he does not like to do so; and there are no facts +in the world so stubborn as a conceited man’s +own stubborn will. Mr Darnley took it for +granted that whatever he took for granted must +be most incontestably true; and Mr Darnley had +taken it for granted that Miss Primrose had +not demeaned herself aright, and nothing could +convince him to the contrary. He adhered to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[228]</a></span> +the general thought, though beaten out of all +its particulars. We would not recommend +any one who has exalted notions of the power +of reasoning and the force of evidence, to endeavour +to convince another of any fact or speculation, +till that other has shewn symptoms +of an inclination to believe such fact or to +adopt such theory.</p> + +<p>It was all in vain that Zephaniah Pringle contended +that Miss Primrose could not possibly +be living dishonorably with Lord Spoonbill in +London, while she was living quietly and reputably +with her father at Smatterton. Mr +Darnley had made up his mind, and nothing +could shake his conclusions. Of some heads it +is observed, that you can get nothing into them; +of others it may with as much truth be said, +that you can get nothing out of them. In this +latter predicament was placed the head of the +rector of Neverden.</p> + +<p>When therefore Zephaniah found that no impression +was to be made on Mr Darnley, he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[229]</a></span> +gave up the discussion, not a little regretting +that he himself had, for the sake of gratifying a +little vanity in talking about his own intimacy +with Lord Spoonbill, done an injury which he +could not undo. He began also to fear lest he +should be detected and exposed; and under that +apprehension he found himself uneasy at Smatterton, +and wished that his visit was finished. +This served him perfectly right. He had made +public talk of what had been told to him in +confidence, and as a secret, and he had circulated +a calumnious report, careless whether it were +true or false, and heedless what injury it might +inflict upon innocence, or what misery it might +occasion to those concerned.</p> + +<p>Yet this prodigiously conceited puppy could +and did in his critical lucubrations write himself +down as being most zealously devoted to the +service of religion, and he would make a mighty +noise about those most execrable and abominable +caitiffs, who presume to question one iota of the +faith according to Queen Elizabeth.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[230]</a></span></p> + +<p>It is hard, very hard, that religion should have +to bear the reproach of the whims, vagaries, +bigotry, and fanaticism of many, who are sincere +in their profession and honest in their intemperate +zeal; but it is doubly hard that a set of +coxcomical greenhorns, who scarcely know the +difference between the Bible and the Koran, who +cannot tell why they believe, and who do not +care what they believe, who never enter a church, +and who never doubt because they never think, +it is doubly hard that all their impertinent arrogance +should be laid to the charge of a religion +which has never influenced one action of their +lives, or one thought of their hearts.</p> + +<p>Finding that Mr Darnley the elder would not +listen to or be influenced by any recantation of +his calumny, the critic next sought for the young +gentleman to whom he made known the fact of +the arrival of Mr Primrose at Smatterton.</p> + +<p>During the visit, which the loyal and religious +Zephaniah Pringle paid at Smatterton, there had +been comparatively little intercourse between him<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[231]</a></span> +and Robert Darnley. This was owing to two +causes: in the first place, Robert Darnley was +in low spirits, and had not much intercourse with +any one; and, in the second place, he had a +contempt for puppyism, and Zephaniah had wit +<ins title="original: enoug">enough</ins> to see that he had.</p> + +<p>In the present instance it was an object with +Mr Pringle to correct any erroneous notion which +he might have conveyed to the mind of Mr +Robert Darnley; he therefore began the conversation.</p> + +<p>“I think I must have been in an error when +I informed you, as you may remember, that Miss +Primrose was living with Lord Spoonbill.”</p> + +<p>“Very likely you were, sir,” replied Mr Robert +Darnley, somewhat abruptly; “but did you not +insinuate to me that you had the information +from Lord Spoonbill himself?”</p> + +<p>This question was perplexing to the critic. +He had insinuated as much, but he had not +absolutely said so. Therefore he could not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[232]</a></span> +promptly reply in the negative, but was forced +to make use of a little circumlocution, saying:</p> + +<p>“Why not exactly so; I did not say that Lord +Spoonbill himself told me in so many words: +I merely—I said—-that is—a very intimate friend +of Spoonbill said, that he thought—that is, he +understood that—I believe he said that he had +reason to suspect that some arrangement was +likely to be made—”</p> + +<p>Thereupon the explanation tapered off into an +indistinct muttering that was sufficient, if for +no other purpose, at least to show that Mr +Zephaniah Pringle was a sneaking, shuffling, +contemptible fellow. Robert Darnley was not +in the habit of flying into a violent passion when +he felt contempt for any meanness of character +or conduct; if such had been his temperament, +the present was an occasion, all circumstances +being considered, strong enough to tempt him to +knock a fool’s head and the wall together. He +contented himself with coolly saying:</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[233]</a></span></p> + +<p>“It is a great pity, sir, that you should have +circulated a report of that nature before you +were quite certain that it was true.”</p> + +<p>“I am very sorry indeed,” replied Zephaniah, +“that I was led into such an error.”</p> + +<p>“Well, well,” said Robert Darnley, “I dare +say it will not be productive of any very serious +consequence. Nobody who was at all acquainted +with Miss Primrose could possibly believe the +report.”</p> + +<p>Zephaniah Pringle thought it but poor consolation +to be told that he was not likely to +be believed. He felt himself indeed so thoroughly +humbled, that he was heartily glad to +bring his conference with Robert Darnley to +a close. The critic very soon said, “Good morning,” +and Robert Darnley returned his “Good +morning” in such a tone, and with such an air, +as to make Zephaniah experience the sensation +of being looked down upon.</p> + +<p>It was a great refreshment and relief to the +mind of the younger Darnley, to hear that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[234]</a></span> +Penelope and her father had arrived at Smatterton. +He had never believed the calumnious +tale of the loyal and religious critic, but he +certainly did entertain some apprehension that +assiduous attentions from a person of high rank +and large estate might produce in time an effect +even upon the mind of Penelope. As now Mr +Primrose had come down expressly to take up +his residence at Smatterton, and as this was not +a time of year for such families as that of the +Earl of Smatterton to take up their abode in +the country, there was some ground to hope that, +if the young nobleman had even made endeavours +to gain the affection of Penelope, he had +not succeeded.</p> + +<p>It was the blessing of Robert Darnley’s mind +that he had a disposition to look on the most +favorable aspect of events, and it was not in his +nature to yield himself up to a slight misunderstanding +or misapprehension. Many miseries +might be avoided if mankind possessed in general +a little more of that kind of considerate<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[235]</a></span>ness; +but the evil is, that they too often take +up with any idle tale, and are led by the merest +and slightest apprehensions into quarrels, coldnesses, +and loss of friendships: inasmuch, that +a quarrel is courteously called a misunderstanding, +much to the reproach indeed of the misunderstanders; +for it is thereby intimated that +the parties quarrel merely for the want of taking +the pains to understand one another, or sometimes +perhaps to understand themselves.</p> + +<p>Under the circumstances which belong to this +narration, it would have been very possible for +two simpletons to have made themselves completely +wretched. And as some people are very +glad to be miserable for the sake of the pathos +and sentimentality thereof, we will tell these +people, though perhaps they could find it out +without our assistance, how they might make +themselves truly wretched under similar circumstances.</p> + +<p>To gain this desirable end, the gentleman and +the lady should have despaired of meeting each<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[236]</a></span> +other again, and should have carefully avoided +everything that might lead to an explanation, +and they should, while very much in love with +each other, have made all possible haste to give +their hands to another. They ought to have +married, as it were, out of spite, and then after +marriage they ought to have met by accident, +and to have explained; and then they ought to +have compared notes, and to have made it out +that one had the worst husband, and the other +the worst wife, in the world; and then they +would have had nothing more to do than to +have made a very pretty tragical conclusion of +the business, either giving employment to, what +the newspapers call, the gentlemen of the long +robe, or, more seriously still, causing the calling +together of a coroner’s jury.</p> + +<p>It was well for Robert Darnley that such was +not his disposition. He thought it much the +best to ascertain, if he possibly could, what were +Penelope’s real sentiments; and for that purpose +he had already spoken to her father, and, as no<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[237]</a></span> +result had come from speaking, he had written; +and if his letter had not been soon answered, or +if Mr Primrose had not arrived at Smatterton, +he would have visited the party in London.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[238]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">The</span> arrival of Mr Primrose and Penelope at +Smatterton gave trouble and disturbance to many +minds there, and at Neverden. We shall be +fortunate if, without tediousness, we can explain this.</p> + +<p>Zephaniah Pringle was troubled, because he +laboured under the apprehension that some kind +friend or other might communicate to the father +what had been said of the daughter. And Zephaniah +very naturally thought that the young +lady’s father would resent the insult very much +to the inconvenience, bodily or mental, of the +said loyal and religious critic.</p> + +<p>The elder Mr Darnley was troubled, as we<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[239]</a></span> +have already intimated, lest this arrival should +again unsettle the mind of his son. Mrs Darnley +also thought it was a pity, now Robert +had so nearly recovered his spirits, that there +should be any probability of his being again +disturbed. Miss Mary Darnley, who, by frequent +literary and scientific discussions with the +learned and scientific Mr Kipperson, had become +a great admirer of the gentleman, was jealous +of the presence of Miss Primrose again in the +country. The two other young ladies, who did +not like to hear their father preach, except in +the pulpit, were troubled with the apprehension +of long lectures on the impropriety of being +improperly in love.</p> + +<p>Mr Kipperson also had his troubles; for though +it would have given him great pleasure to have +gained the heart of Miss Primrose, he thought +he saw several formidable rivals among gentlemen +of more suitable age. But Mr Kipperson +had too much self-love to suffer much from love +of any other description. Robert Darnley was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[240]</a></span> +troubled and perplexed, though very much +pleased. He now saw that he should have +an opportunity of ascertaining the truth: but +in either case there was an evil. For if Penelope +still retained a regard for him, there was yet +to be dreaded the opposition of his father; and +if she did not, the change would be painful to +him.</p> + +<p>But the greatest trouble was at Neverden Hall. +There was residing under the roof of Sir George +Aimwell a young lady, who had been consigned +to the care of the worthy baronet. The name +of this lady was Arabella Glossop. She had +very recently been sent to Neverden by her +careful father, in order that time, absence, and +change of scene, might eradicate from her mind +an unfortunate attachment which she had formed +for a pennyless lieutenant.</p> + +<p>Here we cannot but suggest to our legislators +an improvement, which might and ought to be +made in our military code. It is melancholy to +think how many instances have occurred of men<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[241]</a></span> +of low family and no fortune winning the hearts +of young ladies of high birth, of respectable +connexions, and of good fortune. This might +be prevented by a law, making it felony for a +military officer without fortune to fall in love +with a lady of good family.</p> + +<p>Miss Glossop was not indeed of high family; +but she was the daughter of a gentleman whose +family had with great diligence been pushing +itself up into consideration and importance. +The mortification of anything like a humiliating +connexion was so much the greater. Mr Glossop, +the young lady’s father, was an eminent +solicitor in a small but genteel town, and had +married a distant relation of Sir George Aimwell. +Of this connexion Mr Glossop was naturally +proud; and he made the most of it.</p> + +<p>In the town where he lived was a theatre; +and the company which performed there was +pronounced by such London performers as occasionally +lent their mighty selves for provincial +exhibition, to be one of the best provincial com<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[242]</a></span>panies +they had ever performed with. When an +actor from London made his appearance on the +stage, Miss Glossop honored the theatre with her +presence. Greatly did the young lady surprize +the natives by her studied inattention to what +was passing on the stage. It was to her a mighty +amusement to laugh and talk aloud, especially +during those passages of the performance which +were most interesting to the rest of the audience. +By such means did Miss Glossop manifest +her own importance and superiority. This +kind of public rudeness passed with the ignorant +people in the country for elegance and +fashion.</p> + +<p>The young lady was in error in this respect. +But not only was she wrong in her calculations in +this point. Many other blunders did she make. +For being very pretty, she thought herself handsome; +and being tall, she thought herself elegant; +and being acquainted with many books, she +thought herself learned; and having a full, clear, +comprehensive voice, she thought herself a beau<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[243]</a></span>tiful +singer; and being able to perform at sight +very complicated pieces of music, she apprehended +that she was an excellent musician; and +being rude and blunt in her manner of speaking, +she thought herself a person of great intellectual +superiority; and from being very much stared at, +she took it for granted that she was very much +admired.</p> + +<p>Now this lady did not apprehend that there +was any individual in the compass of her provincial +acquaintance worthy to aspire to the +honor of her hand; and she was in the habit of +giving herself such arrogant and domineering +airs at the country balls, that a facetiously inclined +young gentleman once actually contrived +in the advertisement announcing these balls, to +have the name of Arabella Glossop, Esq., printed +as one of the stewards. The circumstance caused +a great deal of talk at the time; but it is now +totally forgotten, or at least very seldom alluded +to. The printer of the paper was forced to tell<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[244]</a></span> +a great many lies to save himself from serious +inconvenience.</p> + +<p>At one of these country balls there happened +to be a lieutenant who was quartered in that +neighbourhood, and was a person of exceedingly +good address, and also of good understanding, +except that he was so very desirous of obtaining +a fortune, that, for the sake of money, he would +willingly have married Miss Glossop. He had +heard reports of the lady’s fortune, and these +reports were of course exaggerated. He paid +the usual attentions, and was so far successful +that, had it not been for some untoward accident, +Mr Glossop’s ambition of matching his daughter +with some gentleman of fortune and consideration +in the county, would have been frustrated +by a poor lieutenant.</p> + +<p>As soon as the unfortunate attachment was +made known to the father, he put himself with +all suitable speed into a most towering passion; +he banged all the doors, thumped all the tables,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[245]</a></span> +kicked all the chairs, and, but for the interference +of Mrs Glossop, would have broken all the +crockery in the house, because his daughter +would not listen to reason. The young lady +was locked up; but the young lady grew sulky, +and thought that her dear lieutenant was the +most charming creature in the world, because +her father was in a violent passion. And the +more angry was Mr Glossop, the more deeply in +love was Miss Glossop.</p> + +<p>We have said that the young lady was locked +up. Now Arabella did not like this discipline, +and she seriously threatened her inexorable paa, +that if she was not suffered to have her own +way, she would either starve herself to death, or +go mad. This last idea was no doubt suggested +by a pathetic passage in one of Oliver Goldsmith’s +poems, wherein he says:</p> + +<p> +“The dog to gain his private ends<br /> +Went mad.”——<br /> +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[246]</a></span></p> + +<p>Whatever apprehensions Mr Glossop might +entertain concerning his daughter’s madness, he +certainly had some slight idea that he himself +might be driven mad by the young lady’s perverseness +and obstinacy. Therefore he adopted +the very wise and prudent precaution, in such +cases made and provided, of sending the lovely +and loving Arabella to his worthy friend and +relative, Sir George Aimwell, Bart.</p> + +<p>Mr Glossop wisely thought that absence and +change of scene might produce a beneficial +change in his daughter’s mind. The worthy +baronet was pleased with the charge; for as the +shooting season was nearly over, and as he had +suffered very bitterly from the encroachments of +the poachers, and as the transgressing ones had +made their escape, he was glad of anything that +promised him a little amusement. Arabella had +always been a favorite with the baronet on +account of her high spirit, and when he heard +of the nature of the complaint which rendered<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[247]</a></span> +change of air desirable, he very readily undertook +the charge, thinking that a better remedy was +within reach, and that Robert Darnley might +very probably banish from the mind of his young +kinswoman all thoughts of the poor lieutenant.</p> + +<p>Nor did the baronet judge unwisely. For, as +soon as the lady had taken up her abode at +Neverden Hall, her spirits revived, and her wit +and humour were all alive again, and her love +of admiration was as strong as ever, and she +very soon pronounced Robert Darnley to be a +charming young fellow. The worthy baronet +was pleased with such good symptoms, and had +written word to her father accordingly. To a +match of this nature Mr Glossop had no very +great objection. The Darnleys were of good +family, and the young man was likely to have a +good property. Perhaps, Mr Glossop would +have preferred an union with the family of the +Earl of Smatterton; but at all events the Darnleys +were better than poor lieutenants.</p> + +<p>The circumstance of Arabella Glossop being<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[248]</a></span> +placed under the care of Sir George Aimwell, +had rendered the intercourse between the hall +and the rectory rather more frequent than usual; +and the baronet had of course been made acquainted +with the fact of Robert Darnley’s former +engagement to Miss Primrose. When, +therefore, Penelope and her father made their +appearance at Smatterton again, and thus gave +a virtual contradiction to the calumnious report +which Mr Zephaniah Pringle had circulated, Sir +George began to be apprehensive that his +schemes with regard to the son of the rector of +Neverden were very likely to fail.</p> + +<p>We have now explained according to the best +of our ability, and in as few words as distinctness +would permit us to use, the varied perplexities +occasioned by the apparently simple fact of +Mr Primrose and his daughter taking up their +abode at Smatterton rectory. Oh! how complicated +are the interests of humanity, and what +mighty changes are made in the history of the +world and the destiny of nations by movements<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[249]</a></span> +apparently trifling and of no moment. Common +people do not observe these things; it is only +such wise people, gentle reader, as you and I +and Tacitus, that can take a philosophical and +comprehensive view of the history of man. But +we must economise our wisdom, or it will not +hold out. Therefore let us proceed with our +history.</p> + +<p>The letter which Robert Darnley had written +to Mr Primrose, and which the Right Honorable +Lord Spoonbill had fruitlessly fumbled and +tumbled to ascertain the contents thereof, found +its way at last into the hands for which it was +by its writer originally destined. It was brought +to Smatterton, as usual, by Nick Muggins.</p> + +<p>Nick was a poor lad and a somewhat simple +one, though not altogether lacking craftiness. +He was not so rich as an archdeacon, but he had +not quite determined that he was too poor to +keep a conscience; therefore he had not entirely +given it up for a bad job. He kept a pony—he +was almost forced to do so—but he kept his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[250]</a></span> +pony very scantily and worked it hardly, and +the beast was at best but a queer kind of animal. +It would have been a riddle to Buffon, and a +treasure to Sir Joseph Banks. Nick’s conscience +was kept about as scurvily as his pony, +and was much such another nondescript; but, +like his pony, it answered his purpose as well as a +better; it was kicked, cuffed, and buffeted about, +but still it was a conscience.</p> + +<p>Now this conscience, such as it was, smote +poor Muggins right heartily when he delivered +into the fair hands of Penelope Primrose a letter +for her father. The poor lad recollected that he +had, at Lord Spoonbill’s expense, drunk several +more quarts of strong beer and glasses of gin +than would otherwise have fallen to his lot, and +that he had obtained these extra luxuries by +putting into the hands of his lordship those +letters which he ought to have delivered to +Penelope Primrose.</p> + +<p>When Penelope left Smatterton, and was residing +in London, Nick thought little or nothing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[251]</a></span> +concerning his treachery. But now she had +returned to the country again, and he had seen +her, and she had spoken to him kindly and +civilly, and had condescended to make enquiries +after his poor old mother, his heart melted +within him, and he could hardly speak to her. +It was very kind of her to come out and speak +to him, there was not one young lady in a hundred +who would have condescended so much. +Poor Muggins could not think what had bewitched +him to play the traitor to so beautiful, +so elegant, and so sweet-tempered a young lady +as Miss Primrose; for Nick had a notion of +elegance and beauty, though, to look at himself +and his pony, one would hardly have imagined it.</p> + +<p>That was a curious refinement in Nick’s +conscience, that he should reproach himself so +much the more bitterly for his transgression, +because the person whom he had injured was +beautiful and sweet-tempered. Perhaps he +would have thought less of the matter had Miss +Primrose been a little, under-sized, snub-nosed,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[252]</a></span> +cross-grained old maid. But that is a very +dangerous and wicked mode of reasoning, and +wiser people than Nick Muggins are guilty of +it; let such persons be told that under-sized, +snub-nosed, cross-grained old maids have as +much feeling as the rest of the world, and are +as much entitled to the advantages and protection +of the laws of humanity as the young, and +the lovely, and the amiable.</p> + +<p>Be this as it may, still the ungainly post-boy +felt rather awkwardly and looked foolishly +when he thus encountered the unexpected appearance +and condescension of Penelope Primrose. +And when he returned home to his +mother’s cottage, he could not help acknowledging +to her his transgressions, and speaking of +the remorse that he felt.</p> + +<p>The old woman however thought and said, +that what was done could not be undone, and +that he had better be more cautious another +time, and that mayhap it might not be a matter +of much consequence; just a love affair like, or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[253]</a></span> +some sich stuff; and she concluded by telling +him never to take money out of letters for fear +of being hanged.</p> + +<p>“But I am so sorry, mother,” said Nick, +“you can’t think what a nice, kind young lady +Miss Primrose is.”</p> + +<p>“Ay, ay,” said Mrs Muggins, in reply, “and +so is my Lord Spoonbill a very nice young +gentleman. Never mind now, only don’t do so +again. And what’s the use of your telling Miss +Primrose anything about it?”</p> + +<p>“Oh why, because somehow I think it was +such a pity like. She is so pretty.”</p> + +<p>“Nonsense, boy; Lord Spoonbill is a person +of much greater consequence than a dozen pretty +Miss Primroses. I am sure he is as nice a man +as ever lived.”</p> + +<p>Nick muttered something about Lord Spoonbill’s +large whiskers, and the colloquy ceased; +but Nick was fidgetty still.</p> + +<p>The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill suffered +much uneasiness, and would, had he known<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[254]</a></span> +what was passing in the mind of Nick Muggins, +have suffered much more. But our business is +now with the good people at Smatterton and +Neverden, and we must therefore leave his lordship +to bear his troubles by himself as well as +he can.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[255]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">On</span> the Sunday after their arrival, Mr Primrose +and his daughter made their appearance at +church, and the people of the village stared at +them of course. The rector of Smatterton +preached one of his best sermons, and in his +best style. The eloquence was lost upon all his +audience, except Mr Primrose and his daughter; +they attended to the preacher, and the rest of +the congregation attended to them.</p> + +<p>When the service was over, Penelope took her +father to look at the monument which had been +raised in the churchyard to the memory of Dr +Greendale. It was a very handsome monument, +and had been put up at the expense of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[256]</a></span> +Earl of Smatterton. There was a very long and +elaborate eulogium on the deceased, which had +been drawn up, it is supposed, by Mr Darnley, +but subsequently corrected and altered by the +Earl of Smatterton in the first instance, and in +the next by the stone-mason.</p> + +<p>Mr Primrose had been so long out of England +that, for aught he knew to the contrary, it might +be the fashion now to write nonsense on grave +stones. There was however a kind intention, +and Mr Primrose was pleased with it. While +the father and daughter were thus mournfully +enjoying the contemplation of this memorial of +their deceased relative’s virtues, the great boys +and girls of the village who had been in the +habit of bowing and curtseying to Penelope, and +who remembered that their homage had been +graciously received while she lived there under +her uncle’s roof, now thronged almost rudely +round them, as if with a view of attracting the +lady’s notice.</p> + +<p>For a little while Penelope was too much taken<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[257]</a></span> +up to notice them; but when her curiosity had +been gratified, and her feelings had been indulged +by a few gentle and stainless tears shed to +the memory of her departed benefactor, she turned +round and took particular notice of such as she +remembered. She asked them such questions as +occurred to her concerning their respective families +and occupations, and she heard many an old +story repeated concerning the aged and infirm. +Enquiries were made by Penelope after grandfathers +and grandmothers, and in one or two +instances of great grandmothers. These enquiries +were copiously or sheepishly answered, +according to the several tastes and habits of the +persons answering them.</p> + +<p>There was one little girl in the group whose +face Penelope did not recollect. The child looked +very earnestly at her, and seemed several times +as if about to make an effort to speak, but awe +held her back. With her, and as if urging her +on to speak, was another and greater girl. And +the greater girl moved the little one towards<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[258]</a></span> +Miss Primrose, and the poor little girl coloured +up to the eyes; but she had gone too far to +retract, and she was emboldened at last by +Penelope’s kind looks to make a very pretty +curtsey and say, “Please Miss—”</p> + +<p>The poor thing could get no farther, till +Penelope relieved her embarrassment by taking +hold of her hand and saying, “Well, my dear, +what have you to say to me? I have no recollection +that I have ever seen you before. How +long have you lived at Smatterton?”</p> + +<p>Then the little one was emboldened to speak, +and she told Penelope that she had but recently +come there, and that she had taken the liberty +to speak, because she had some few weeks ago +picked up a letter directed to Miss Primrose.</p> + +<p>Hereupon the girl drew from her pocket a +handkerchief which was carefully folded up, and +when with great ceremony the handkerchief was +unfolded, a letter made its appearance, which +did not seem to have required much careful enveloping +to keep it clean. It was miserably dirty,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[259]</a></span> +and the direction was barely visible. Penelope +wondered indeed that the child had been able to +make out the inscription, so far as to ascertain +to whom it was addressed; but the hand-writing +was so manifestly Robert Darnley’s, that the +young lady felt too much emotion and too eager +a curiosity to wait to ask any farther particulars +of the mode, place and time in which the letter +was found. Only waiting to ask the child her +name and place of abode, and to make such +acknowledgment as is expected in such cases, +Penelope hastened home full of contending and +harassing thoughts, unable to form the slightest +conjecture of a satisfactory nature concerning +this strange occurrence.</p> + +<p>Now this letter, together with that which +Robert Darnley had written to Mr Primrose, +and which Mr Primrose gave to his daughter for +her perusal, set the question completely at rest +in the mind of Penelope, and assured her that +the young gentleman had not by any neglect +designed to break off the correspondence.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[260]</a></span></p> + +<p>But when one difficulty was removed, another +started up in its place. There was something +very remarkable in a letter being dropped out of +the bag; but though it was barely possible that +such mishap might have befallen one letter, it +was by no means a supposable case that several +letters in succession passing between the same +persons should all have met with the same accident. +In the interruption of these letters there +was clearly design and intention; but what was +the design, or who was the designer, Penelope +could not conjecture. Her suspicions could not +find an object to rest upon; she was not aware of +having any enemies, and of course she could not +imagine that any one but an enemy could have +behaved so cruelly. She concluded, therefore, +as far as in such a case any conclusion could +be made, that the interruption of the correspondence +must have been effected by some enemy of +Robert Darnley.</p> + +<p>It was not very pleasant to have the idea of +some concealed and unascertained enemy, but<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[261]</a></span> +there was something gratifying to Penelope in +having discovered that verily the cessation of the +correspondence had not been voluntary on the +part of her lover. Therefore, as it appeared from +the letter which had been picked up that the +young gentleman had not ceased to write, even +after he had some ground to fear that the correspondence +was discontinued by the young +lady, and as it was also manifest from the letter +addressed to Mr Primrose, that Robert Darnley +was still desirous of an explanation of the young +lady’s silence, Penelope could not any longer +resist her father’s proposal that he should write +to the young gentleman.</p> + +<p>The answer was accordingly sent to Robert +Darnley, and the explanation which he sought +was amply and fully given. He was also as +much puzzled as the young lady was at the +circumstance of the letter being picked up, and +his conjectures found no resting place. His +immediate impulse was to make direct enquiry +of the post-boy, and to extort from him, if pos<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[262]</a></span>sible, +some account of the very remarkable fact +of a correspondence actually suppressed by the +failure of three letters in succession.</p> + +<p>But there was a more interesting matter yet +to attend to, and that was the meeting with +Penelope after a long absence and an interrupted +correspondence. Robert Darnley knew +his father’s temperament, and felt a difficulty in +mentioning the subject to him, but still he could +not think of renewing the acquaintance with a +view to marriage, without explicitly informing +his father of the intention.</p> + +<p>Mr Primrose and his daughter had now been +at Smatterton a few days, and as the two villages +were so remarkably intimate with each +other, it was impossible for anything to take +place in the one without its being known in the +other. The arrival of the parties had been made +known, as we have seen, at the rectory of Neverden, +and apprehensions were entertained by +the daughters of Mr Darnley that their father +would be grievously liberal of his wise exhorta<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[263]</a></span>tions +to his yet enamoured son. And when two +or three days had passed away, and not a word +of public notice had been taken of the fact in the +family of the rector, the young ladies began to +please themselves with the hope that no notice +would be taken of the matter, and they trusted +that some circumstance or other might remove +Penelope again, and finally, from Smatterton; +or, as they thought it not unlikely, their brother +might soon fix his affections elsewhere.</p> + +<p>It was very clear to the young ladies that +Miss Glossop, notwithstanding her recent disappointment, +was something of an admirer of +their brother; and it was obvious that Sir +George Aimwell was desirous of cultivating an +acquaintance between the parties. The worthy +baronet was unusually eloquent in praising Miss +Glossop, and mightily ingenious in discovering +innumerable, and to other eyes undiscernible, +good qualities in his fair kinswoman. But though +Sir George was a magistrate and a game preserver, +he was no conjurer. He was not aware<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[264]</a></span> +that there could exist any diversities of taste; +but he seemed to imagine that those qualities +which were agreeable to himself must be agreeable +to everybody else; and when he was +descanting on the multitudinous excellences of +Miss Glossop, and describing her to Robert +Darnley as possessing every possible and impossible +virtue, he did not see that the young man’s +mind was of a complexion widely different from +his own. It was not therefore to this young +lady that the daughters of the rector of Neverden +looked forward as the person likely to +liberate them from Miss Primrose.</p> + +<p>Their hope was altogether of an undefined +nature. They merely hoped and trusted that +something would occur to relieve them from +their present uncomfortable condition. This undefined +hope is, perhaps, after all the best that +we can entertain. It may appear not very rational, +but we have a notion that in serious truth it is +a great deal more rational than that hope which +seems to have a foundation in something pro<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[265]</a></span>bable: +for it is in the very nature and condition +of earthly events, that they almost invariably +disappoint expectation and miserably mock our +sagacity. If therefore our hopes be of something +definite, they will be almost assuredly +disappointed; but if we only hope generally and +indefinitely that something, we know not what, +may occur to remove the cause of our troubles, +we may have a much better chance that we shall +not be disappointed. The chances in our favor +are thus indefinitely multiplied.</p> + +<p>The hope of the young ladies, that nothing +would be said about Miss Primrose because +nothing had been said about her for several days, +was disappointed on the very morning that Mr +Primrose sent his answer to Robert Darnley, +explaining the cause of the suspension of the +correspondence. The note from Mr Primrose +was brought to Neverden by the trusty servant +and universal genius who performed at Smatterton +rectory the various duties of foot<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[266]</a></span>man, +groom, gardener, butler, stable-boy, and +porter.</p> + +<p>Mr Darnley, whose eyes were ever vigilant, +no sooner saw the messenger than he conjectured +what was the object of his coming; that is, he +so far conjectured as to form an idea that the +note was with reference to Miss Primrose. +When therefore the reverend gentleman heard +that a note was actually brought from Smatterton +rectory, and addressed to Mr Robert +Darnley, the feeling of curiosity was strongly +excited to know what was the object of the said +note. But, to say nothing of curiosity, the elder +Mr Darnley felt that it was his duty to be +acquainted with all correspondence carried on +with persons under his roof, especially with +members of his own family.</p> + +<p>Impelled then by a double motive—the power +of curiosity and a sense of duty—the rector +of Neverden very peremptorily commanded the +attendance of his son in the study. The com<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[267]</a></span>mand +was as promptly obeyed as it had been +authoritatively given.</p> + +<p>“You have had a note from Smatterton this +morning?” said the father.</p> + +<p>“I have, sir,” replied the son steadily, but +respectfully.</p> + +<p>“And may I be permitted to know the contents +of that communication?”</p> + +<p>“Most assuredly, sir,” replied the young gentleman: +“I intended to acquaint you with its +contents as soon as I had read it.”</p> + +<p>Robert Darnley then handed the paper to his +father, who perused it with eager haste and +anxious excitement. Rapidly however as the +rector read the communication, he discerned two +facts which made him angry, and, as he said, +astonished. We have observed that the astonishment +rests upon the testimony only of Mr +Darnley’s own saying; and we have made that +observation, because we think that Mr Darnley +was not strictly correct in his assertion: we do +not believe that Mr Darnley was at all astonished<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[268]</a></span> +at those facts. He was no doubt angry when he +discovered that his son had written to Mr Primrose; +and there is nothing incredible in the idea +that he was angry at the anticipation of a renewal +of the acquaintance between his son and Miss +Primrose. But he was not astonished at these +things, and he ought not to have said that he +was. It is however a very common practice, for +the sake of giving pathos and effect to moral +exhortation or expostulation, to express an astonishment +which is not felt. This is a species of +lying, and Mrs Opie would certainly set it down +as such.</p> + +<p>Mr Darnley not only said that he was astonished, +but absolutely affected to look astonished. +But that dramatic species of visual rebuke was +by no means adapted to produce an impression +on Mr Darnley the younger; and had the trick +been played off by any one else than a parent, +the young gentleman would certainly have +laughed. It has been often observed, that children +are much more knowing than is generally<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[269]</a></span> +supposed, and the same observation may be +applied to children of a larger growth. But +parents cannot well help considering their children +as always children.</p> + +<p>“And so,” said the rector of Neverden, “you +have actually had the folly to write to Mr Primrose, +and to endeavour to renew an acquaintance +which was clearly and positively broken off by +Miss Primrose herself?”</p> + +<p>“I think, sir,” responded with much gentleness +the rector’s son, “that, if you read this note +attentively, you will see that Miss Primrose did +not positively break the acquaintance, but that +by some means, as yet unknown, the letters +which should have passed between us were intercepted. +Proof of that is given in the singular +circumstance, that the last letter which I wrote +to Smatterton from India was the other day +picked up by a child.”</p> + +<p>Mr Darnley smiled a smile of incredulity and +compassionate condescension.</p> + +<p>“Foolish boy,” said he,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[270]</a></span> “and can you suffer +yourself to be so easily deceived as to believe this +story?”</p> + +<p>“Surely you will not go so far as to say that +Miss Primrose would descend to the meanness +of asserting an untruth.”</p> + +<p>“I am asserting nothing concerning Miss +Primrose. This note is not her’s, it is her +father’s; and I do know that Mr Primrose can +use profane language; I have heard him. And +would such a man hesitate at untruth for the +sake of an establishment for his daughter? Besides +what can be more clear than that, now the +negotiation with Lord Spoonbill is broken off, +they are very willing to apply to you again.”</p> + +<p>There is great power in imagination. Mr +Darnley had taken it into his head that Penelope +had really been simple enough to admire Lord +Spoonbill, and vain enough to aspire to title on +the strength of personal beauty. She was what +is commonly called a fine young woman, and +there was in her deportment, especially in the +season of health and spirits, while her uncle lived,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[271]</a></span> +a certain constitutional magnificence of manner +which might easily bear the name of pride and +haughtiness. Now as Mr Darnley was himself +a proud man, he did not like pride; and there +is nothing at all paradoxical or inconsistent in +this. It is perfectly natural that those who feel +a pleasure in looking down on others and being +looked up to, should not be pleased with such as +indulge them not in their favourite occupation.</p> + +<p>There had not indeed ever been in the behaviour +of Penelope towards Mr Darnley anything +actually disrespectful; but Mr Darnley could see +that her spirit was high and essentially unsubmissive. +He had therefore always called her proud; +and as soon as any suspicion arose of the withdrawing +of her affections from Robert Darnley, +immediately the father concluded that this change +was owing to the young lady’s pride aspiring to +the hand of Lord Spoonbill; and when she went +to London to the Countess, then his suspicion +seemed corroborated; and when she returned to +Smatterton, and when Mr Primrose sent the note<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[272]</a></span> +in question to Neverden, then did Mr Darnley +feel himself assured that the young lady had +been disappointed in her calculations concerning +Lord Spoonbill, and that now she repented her +folly in renouncing the hand of Robert Darnley, +and wished to recall the affection which she had +spurned.</p> + +<p>Under such persuasion, from which not all the +logic in the world could move him, he smiled at +the credulity and the weakness of the young +man, while the young man was equally astonished +and grieved at the immovable obstinacy of his +father. Such cases sometimes occur, and perplexing +are they when they do occur, in which a +son bearing all possible respect towards a father +feels himself yet justified in the court of his own +conscience in acting contrary to his father’s will. +Thus situated was the son of the rector of Neverden. +He found that it would be in vain to use +any arguments, and he was firm in his intention +of taking the earliest opportunity of acknowledging +the receipt of Mr Primrose’s letter, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[273]</a></span> +of expressing his full determination to renew the +acquaintance with Penelope. So far was the +young man from participating in his father’s suspicions, +that the very arguments which the father +had used, and the particulars which he had +stated, did but strengthen his own opinion of the +purity and correctness of the young lady’s conduct; +and when he considered the circumstances +under which she had been placed, he felt a degree +of pity for her, and he pitied her also that she +laboured under those untoward and unfounded +suspicions which had been excited by the idle +tongue of Zephaniah Pringle.</p> + +<p>It became in fact to Robert Darnley a matter +of conscience to rectify all misunderstandings as +early as possible. Without therefore affecting +to enter into any elaborate discussion with his +father, he merely replied to what had been said: +“I cannot say that I view this affair in the same +light that you do, sir; and I am satisfied that if +you had a knowledge of all the facts, you would +not have reason to blame Miss Primrose. I will<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[274]</a></span> +not pretend to argue with you, or to presume to +put my knowledge of the world in competition +with yours. But I must take the liberty to say +firmly, though respectfully, that it is my intention +to see Mr and Miss Primrose, and if I find +that Penelope is still the same amiable and pure-minded +young woman as she was when I first +made her an offer of my hand, I will repeat that +offer; and I am convinced your prejudice will +wear off, if not by my arguments, at least they +will give way to the young lady’s real excellence +of character.”</p> + +<p>Mr Darnley was not accustomed to be contradicted. +Neither his wife nor his daughters ever +disputed his will, or affected to oppose their logic +to his determinations. Of his son’s obedience +and gentleness of disposition he had always +entertained the highest opinion, and with reason: +but he forgot that everything has its limits, and +there is a point beyond which compliance and +obedience cannot go. If Mr Darnley had said at +the close of his son’s last speech,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[275]</a></span> “I am astonished,” +he would have spoken truly. He was +indeed astonished, but he was not frightened out +of his propriety; he was rather frightened into +propriety.</p> + +<p>For a few seconds he was absolutely speechless +and almost breathless. But soon respiration +returned, and the power of speech returned with +it; and his momentary gasp of astonishment +gave him time for consideration. He considered +in that brief interval that he had no more power +over his son than his son chose to give him, and +he thought it a pity to endanger his influence by +attempting to retain his authority. Subduing +himself, he replied:</p> + +<p>“If you will be obstinate there is no help for +it. But I could wish that you would listen to +reason.”</p> + +<p>Thus speaking, Mr Darnley left the apartment, +angry but endeavouring to keep himself calm.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[276]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Mr Darnley’s</span> study overlooked the avenue +which led to the house. For a study it was not +well situated, inasmuch as it was next to impossible +for any one but a person of great powers of +abstraction to keep himself free from interruption. +The situation however was very well +adapted to the humour of the rector of Neverden; +for thus he could observe every one who approached +the house, and exercise a continual +superintendance over his establishment, seeing +that no one could enter or leave the house without +his knowledge.</p> + +<p>At the study window Robert Darnley took his +station, looking listlessly towards the road that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[277]</a></span> +passed the end of the avenue and led towards +the village of Smatterton. Turning a little towards +the left hand he could see at a very short +distance the magnificent towers of Smatterton +castle and the smart gilt weathercock of Smatterton +church. The young man was beginning to +grow sentimental and melancholy; but soon his +thoughts were diverted from sentimentality by +the appearance of Nick Muggins and his pony +fumbling their clumsy entrance at the great white +gate that opened into the road. Better riders +than Nick are sometimes puzzled at opening a +heavy swing gate on horseback; but Nick would +always manage it without dismounting, if he had +to make twenty efforts for it.</p> + +<p>Nick was certainly a picturesque, though by no +means a poetical object; and his appearance dispersed +the gathering cloud of lackadaisicalness +which was just threatening Robert Darnley with +a fit of melancholy. Other thoughts, though +bearing on the same object, now took possession +of him; and as he was very straitforward and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[278]</a></span> +prompt in whatever occurred to him, he immediately +resolved to question the boy concerning the +lost letters.</p> + +<p>For this purpose, without waiting for the arrival +of the letter-carrier at the house-door, Robert +Darnley went partly down the avenue to meet +him. Nick made one of his best bows, and +grinned his compliments to the young gentleman +on his arrival in England; for this was the first +meeting of the parties since the rector’s son +arrived at home. Robert Darnley was not a man +of compliments; he proceeded directly to business. +Producing from his pocket the letter +which had been picked up by the little girl, he +held it out to the lad, saying:</p> + +<p>“Muggins, can you give any account of this +letter; it was picked up in the road the other +day; do you ever drop the letters out of the +bag?”</p> + +<p>Muggins, who was as cunning a rogue as many +of his betters, concealed his conviction and shame +as well as might be, and took the letter into his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[279]</a></span> +hand with much simplicity of look, and gazed +upon it for a while with “lack-lustre eye;” not +that he had any great need to examine the letter +in order to answer the question, but thereby +he gained time to meditate a lie of some kind or +other. After looking at it for a few moments he +handed it back to Robert Darnley, and said:</p> + +<p>“Please, sir, I can’t make out the ’rection +of it.”</p> + +<p>That might be true, but it was not much of an +answer to the question which was proposed to +him.</p> + +<p>“The direction of the letter,” answered Darnley, +“is to Miss Primrose at Smatterton. Now +do you remember ever losing a letter that should +have been delivered at the rectory at Smatterton?”</p> + +<p>Nick Muggins, we have related, was so melted +by the condescending kindness of Penelope +Primrose, that his heart smote him sorely for his +unfaithfulness to his trust, and he was on the +very verge of a confession of his iniquity; but<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[280]</a></span> +then Penelope was not likely to horsewhip him, +whereas there did appear to the sagacious mind +of the treacherous letter-carrier some possibility +of such operation being performed by the more +vigorous arm of Robert Darnley; and as such a +catastrophe must be exceedingly unpleasant to a +man of any feeling, Nick resolved to use his +utmost sagacity to avoid it. The question therefore, +which was last proposed, he answered thus:</p> + +<p>“I’ve took a great many letters to Smatterton +parsonage, sir, and I don’t never remember losen +none as I took there.”</p> + +<p>Here again was an equivocation worthy of +the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill himself. +Robert Darnley thought that Nick Muggins was +a fool, but Nick was not such a fool as he +looked. He had prodigiously fine diplomatic +talents, but ‘Full many a flower, &c.’ as the +poet says.</p> + +<p>All the questions and cross-questionings of +the son of the rector of Neverden could not +extort from the carrier of the Smatterton and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[281]</a></span> +Neverden letter-bags any information leading to +the discovery of the circumstances to which the +interruption of the correspondence might be +attributed. In despair of ascertaining anything, +Robert Darnley ceased his interrogations, and +the uncouth rider of the indescribable beast +then handed to his interrogator his share of the +contents of the letter-bag. It was only one +letter, and the superscription was in an unknown +hand.</p> + +<p>The young gentleman opened the letter with +great eagerness of curiosity, and looking to the +end of it he found that it was anonymous. He +endeavoured to read and comprehend the whole +by one glance, but it did not betray its meaning +so obviously; he was therefore under the +necessity of reading it regularly line by line. +We are not much in the habit of printing letters—we +think it a breach of confidence; but, +as the present is anonymous, we venture to +give it:</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[282]</a><br /><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[283]</a></span></p> +<p>“A sincere well-wisher to Mr Robert Darnley, +though a total stranger, or nearly so, wishes +to caution an unsuspicious and generous mind +against a deep-laid plot, which has for its object +to entrap Mr D. into a marriage, which +will bring with it poverty and disgrace. It may +not be altogether unknown to Mr D. that a +certain gentleman, who shall be nameless, once +ruined a handsome fortune by gaming. This +gentleman now professes to have repaired his +shattered fortunes, and to have forsaken entirely +his vicious habit. But this is mere pretence. +Nearly the whole of that which he acquired +abroad, he has in a short time lost by gambling +at home; and now he gives out that his +loss arises from the stoppage of a banking-house +in town. Concerning the character of a +young lady nearly related to the gentleman +above alluded to, Mr D. would do well to make +the strictest inquiry before he ventures on the +irretrievable step of marriage. Mr D. ought to +ascertain why Smatterton is chosen for her +residence. The —— family is not residing at +the castle, but it is possible that an individual of +that family may find a pretence for an incognito +visit there. A word to the wise is enough.”</p> + +<p>A letter such as this was almost too much +for Robert Darnley. He was honest, candid, +and unsuspicious; but even in such minds as +his jealousy may be excited, and the above +letter very nearly answered the purpose.</p> + +<p>Instead of going directly to Smatterton, according +to his first intention, he returned to the +house, and read over and over again this mysterious +and anonymous epistle. But there was +nothing in it which could afford him the slightest +information as to the source from whence it +came, or the motive with which it could have +been written.</p> + +<p>It was peculiarly mortifying, after the magnanimous, +prompt, and decided avowal which +he had made to his father, of his intention of +renewing his acquaintance with Miss Primrose, +that he should meet with this painful and perplexing +interruption. He began to wish that he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[284]</a></span> +had not been quite so positive. He supposed +that of course his father took it for granted +that the threatened visit to Smatterton would +be paid that very morning. And he had dreaded +meeting the family at dinner, should the visit +have been paid; but still greater would be his +mortification to meet his father again and be +forced to acknowledge that he had not been to +Smatterton. It would be but natural to ask if +he had been there, and quite as natural to ask +why he had not.</p> + +<p>The answer to these enquiries would involve +the young gentleman in a dilemma, to extricate +himself from which would require the talents of +a Muggins, or a Spoonbill. But Robert Darnley +was not cut out for shuffling and equivocating. +His only consideration was, how far it might be +prudent to inform his father of the receipt of +the anonymous letter.</p> + +<p>For the purpose of giving himself time for uninterrupted +meditation, he sauntered out from +the house, and, as it were unconsciously, turned<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[285]</a></span> +his steps towards the village of Smatterton. +And he thought, as he walked along, that it +would take several days at least, if not some +weeks, to ascertain the truth or falsehood of the +insinuations. He knew not where to seek for +information, or how to gain evidence either on +one side or the other. If he should not very +soon make a visit to Mr Primrose, it would seem +manifest that his intention was not to renew the +acquaintance with Penelope; and very mortifying +indeed would it be to him, if, after making +enquiries and finding that the insinuations of the +anonymous letter were unfounded, malicious and +mischievous, he should, by his tardiness or mean +suspicions, have forfeited the good will of the +young lady.</p> + +<p>Fortunate for him was it, that while he was +thinking on the subject of this anonymous communication, +and putting the case that it might +be the work of some malicious and ill-designing +one, there occurred also to his recollection the +lost letter which had been picked up by a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[286]</a></span> +stranger. With the recollection of that came +also again to his mind the image and tone and +look of the crafty letter-carrier, and the shuffling +evasive answers which the cunning dog had +given to his interrogatories.</p> + +<p>Wise and penetrating reader, who can’st dive +most deeply into human motives, and read the +movements of the human heart, we beseech thee +not to impute it to stupidity or obtuseness in +our friend Robert Darnley, that he could not +sooner see the probability of the existence in +some quarter or other of a spirit of treachery at +work against him. His own mind was of a very +unsuspicious cast, and he was not in the habit +of looking for deeply-laid schemes, but he gave +general credit to appearances and ordinary assertions. +He was not unaware of the existence of +roguery, or of the circulation of unfounded +reports, but he did not look very commonly and +cunningly for tricks and falsehood in the everyday +movements of human life. But when he +once had ground for suspicion, he had sagacity<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[287]</a></span> +enough to pursue the investigation, and prudence +enough not to be deceived when once put +on his guard.</p> + +<p>He thought again of the anonymous letter, and +he knew that there was no individual residing +in London sufficiently acquainted with him to +have written this letter for his sake. He thought +of the intercepted letters, and of the allusion +to Lord Spoonbill, and he thought of none so +likely to have intercepted those letters as +Lord Spoonbill himself. An apprehension of +something near the truth now came firmly and +distinctly upon his mind.</p> + +<p>Under the impression of this thought, he moved +somewhat more rapidly and decidedly towards +Smatterton, almost resolving that he would actually +call at once on Mr Primrose, and renew +his acquaintance with Penelope. He thought +that he possessed penetration enough to discover +if there were in the young lady’s deportment +and carriage any symptoms of a diminished or +impaired moral feeling.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[288]</a></span></p> + +<p>It would not be much out of his way to go +through the park, and as there was a footpath +passing very closely by the castle, he designed +to take that route, that, if meeting any one of +the domestics, he might be able to ascertain +whether or not Lord Spoonbill was expected at +Smatterton.</p> + +<p>Not many steps had he taken with this intention +before he had the satisfaction of meeting +the unfaithful Nick Muggins, shuffling back +from having delivered up his charge. Nick saw +the young gentleman, and would gladly have +avoided the meeting; but there was no way of +escape, except by going back again to Smatterton, +and that was quite out of the question, for +at the public-house of that village he had spent +his last allowable minute. Finding that the +encounter must take place, Nick whistled himself +up to his highest pitch of moral fortitude, +and put spurs to his beast. He might as well +have struck his spurs against a brick wall. The +rough-coated quadruped had been too long in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[289]</a></span> +the service of government to be put out of his +usual pace by Nick’s spurs, and these said +spurs had been long enough in the service of +Muggins to have lost their virtue.</p> + +<p>Nick’s next resource was to give Mr Robert +Darnley the cut indirect, and to ride on without +seeing him. But that was no easy matter +in a narrow unfrequented road. Before the +rogue could resolve what to do, the parties were +together, and Robert Darnley, advancing into +the middle of the road, gave command to the +lad to stop. Disobedience of course was not to +be thought of; and though the consciousness of +guilt and the suspicion of accusation made +him tremble, yet the necessity of concealment +rendered him very cautious of betraying any +emotion.</p> + +<p>The appearance of Robert Darnley’s countenance +was at this interview very different from +what it had been an hour or two ago. For, in +the first instance, he had been merely making<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[290]</a></span> +an unsuspicious enquiry, and his interrogations +had been more for the purpose of gaining information +than for fixing an accusation. Now, he +felt as if he were examining a criminal, and he +directed a stern enquiring look towards the uncouth +varlet, who blinked like an owl in the +sunshine and seemed to be looking about for +something to look at; for he was ashamed to +look at Robert Darnley, and afraid to fix his +eyes elsewhere.</p> + +<p>“Muggins, have the goodness to dismount,” +said the young gentleman; “I wish to have a +little talk with you.”</p> + +<p>That was a movement by no means agreeable +to Mr Muggins, who would thereby be brought +into closer and more perilous contact with an +ugly ill-looking elastic knotted cane, which was +bending under the pressure of Mr Darnley’s +hand. Muggins therefore, in answer to this +command, said with all the coolness he could +muster:</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[291]</a></span></p> + +<p>“Please, sir, I maan’t stay long.”</p> + +<p>“Nonsense,” replied Darnley; “dismount, I +tell you.”</p> + +<p>Now Muggins thought that if he was destined +to receive a caning for a violation of his trust, +he need not add to his troubles by provoking +Mr Darnley to administer an extra application +to him for refusing to dismount. Down therefore +came Nick, and at the word of command +fastened his horse to a gate-post.</p> + +<p>“Now, Muggins,” said Robert Darnley, “if +you don’t tell me the truth, I will cane you as +long as I can stand.”</p> + +<p>“Sir?” said Muggins, in a tone of well-feigned +astonishment, and with the accent of +interrogation.</p> + +<p>“Will you tell me the truth, sir?” repeated the +interrogator.</p> + +<p>“What about, sir?” asked Muggins.</p> + +<p>That question does by no means redound to +the credit of Muggins; for had he been a truly<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[292]</a></span> +honest lad, he would have been ready to tell the +truth on any subject.</p> + +<p>“What about!” echoed Darnley; “about +those letters, to be sure, which you ought to have +delivered at the rectory at Smatterton. Tell me +what you did with them, this moment.”</p> + +<p>A threatening aspect accompanied, and a +threatening attitude followed this speech. Muggins +gave himself up for lost. If he called +out “murder,” there was none to assist him; +running away was an absolute impossibility; +resistance would be vain; and shuffling would +no longer answer the purpose. It is astonishing +how powerfully present considerations overwhelm +and command the mind. If Muggins could have +mustered up sufficient energy of purpose to +resist the threats of the son of the rector of Neverden, +he might afterwards have laid his case +before the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, by +whose interest he might have gained promotion, +or by whose liberality he might have been hand<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[293]</a></span>somely +rewarded. But all other thoughts and +considerations were lost and absorbed in the +elastic cane, which seemed vibrating with anxious +eagerness for a close acquaintance with his +shoulders.</p> + +<p>Cowering and trembling, the guilty one, whose +craftiness would no longer avail him, dropped +abjectly upon his knees and blubberingly implored +for mercy, on consideration of revealing +the whole truth. Darnley, who thought more of +the happiness of renewing his acquaintance with +Penelope than of the pleasure of caning a graceless +varlet, readily promised mercy upon confession. +And so great was Nick’s gratitude for +the mercy promised, that he told the whole +truth, and gave up the character of Lord Spoonbill +to contempt.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[294]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">When</span> the interview recorded in the last chapter +had concluded, both parties were pleased; +but the pleasure of the one was far more durable +than that of the other. Nick Muggins enjoyed +but a negative delight in having escaped an +imminent and threatening peril. But afterwards +he began to reflect; for he could think, seeing +that he had nothing else to do.</p> + +<p>It is worth notice, that many apparently +stupid, ignorant and obtuse cubs, whose employment +is monotonous and mechanical, possess +a certain degree of shrewdness, and exhibit +occasionally symptoms of reflection and observation +to which more cultivated and educated<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[295]</a></span> +minds are strangers. Curious it is also to see +the gaping wonderment with which those, whose +wisdom is from books, regard those who happen +to have any power or capacity of thought without +the assistance of books. Gentle reader, +when you are next requested to write some wise +sentence in a lady’s album, write the following: +“books are more indebted to wisdom, than wisdom +is to books.”</p> + +<p>Nick, we have said, began to think; and the +farther he was removed from Robert Darnley’s +cane with the less delight did he contemplate +his escape. It came also into his mind that, +although this young gentleman had withheld +the threatened infliction, yet there were other +troubles awaiting him, and other dangers threatening +him. Drowning mariners, it has been said, +seldom calculate upon the consequence of their +vows. Nor did Muggins calculate upon the +probable consequences of the confession which +he had made to escape an impending castigation.</p> + +<p>He had escaped the cane of Robert Darnley,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[296]</a></span> +but he had thereby exposed himself to the danger +of a similar visitation from the hand of Lord +Spoonbill. There was also some probability, and +no slight one, that he might in addition to other +calamities suffer the loss of his place. People +in office do not like to lose their places, for it +makes them very ill-humoured and provokes +them to all manner of absurdities. Nick also +thought that if his place should be taken from +him in consequence of this his unfaithfulness, +Lord Spoonbill would be also exposed, and Lord +Spoonbill being exposed would be mightily +angry with Nick, and, being angry with him, +would not make him any remuneration for his +loss. Moreover Nick thought that Lord Spoonbill +would call him a fool for having divulged +the secret, and Nick did not like to be called a +fool. Who does? So, in order to avoid being +called a fool, Nick meditated playing the rogue.</p> + +<p>We by no means approve of this conduct, and +we record it not as an example, but as a caution; +and we would seriously recommend all persons in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[297]</a></span> +public offices to be as honest as they possibly +can; or if this political morality appears too +rigid and savours of puritanical strictness, we +would advise them to be as honest as they conveniently +can.</p> + +<p>The scheme of roguery which the letter-carrier +devised, was destined to be effected by means of +epistolary correspondence with the Right Honorable +Lord Spoonbill; but fortunately for the +rogue, as even rogues are sometimes fortunate, +the trouble of writing was saved him by the personal +appearance of Lord Spoonbill himself at +the town of M——, where Nick Muggins dwelt, +and from which he carried the letters to Smatterton +and Neverden. It was a great pleasure to +Muggins to be saved the trouble of writing, for +that operation was attended with much labour +and difficulty to him, seeing that he had many +doubts as to the shapes of letters and the meaning +of words.</p> + +<p>Muggins had not been at home many minutes +before Lord Spoonbill presented himself to the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[298]</a></span> +astonished eyes of the unfaithful letter-carrier. +His lordship was wonderfully condescending to +honor so humble a roof by his presence; but it +was not the first time that he had paid a visit to +Mr Muggins in his own house. The object, or +more properly speaking the nature of the object, +of his visit was guessed at, and the spirit of +Nick’s knavery was kindled within him, and he +was prepared to say or do aught that his lordship +might dictate or propose, for the purpose of +furthering the hereditary legislator’s right honorable +pursuit.</p> + +<p>Nick’s residence is not indeed a matter of +much importance to the world, nor does its locality +or aspect bear powerfully on the development +of our catastrophe, or greatly assist the progress +of our narrative. But we describe it, because we +may thereby give our readers a more complete +and impressive idea of the great condescension of +Lord Spoonbill in visiting so obscure an abode.</p> + +<p>The town of M—— was situated on the banks +of a river. The streets were long and narrow,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[299]</a></span> +and the houses high and dingy. The ground on +which the town was built was uneven, and the +materials with which it was paved were execrable. +This is spoken of the best parts of the +town, of those streets which stood on the higher +ground. The inferior part was not paved at all, +and was approachable only by an almost abrupt +descent through a lane or narrow street, in which +the houses nearly met at the top. The ground +on which a passenger must walk was of a nature +so miscellaneous as almost to defy description, +and quite to puzzle analysis. Black mud, as +everlasting as the perennial snows which rest on +the summits of inaccessible mountains, decayed +vegetables of every season of the year, refuse +fish, unpicked bones of every conceivable variety +of animals, deceased cats and dogs and rats in +every possible degree of decomposition, broken +bricks and tiles, and shreds of earthen vessels of +all variety of domestic application, sticks, stones, +old shoes, tin kettles and superannuated old saucepans, +formed the dead stock of the street. And<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[300]</a></span> +the live stock was by no means calculated to +give to the spectator a high idea of the dignity of +human nature. The fair sex in these regions +appeared by no means to any great advantage; +nature had done little for them and art less. In +their voices there was less melody than loudness, +and in their language more energy than elegance. +They expressed their feelings without circumlocution, +and resented indignities with hand as +well as tongue. In the air which they breathed +there might be enough to discompose and irritate, +for the decomposition of sprats is by no +means fragrant; and when an atmosphere is +constantly burdened with the effluvia of soap, +tallow, and train oil, it is not calculated to soothe +the irritated nerves.</p> + +<p>To pass through such a region as this could +not have been mightily agreeable to the refined +senses of Lord Spoonbill. But not only did he +pass through it, but he sought out in one of its +meanest habitations the carrier of the Smatterton +and Neverden letter-bags. All this however he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[301]</a></span> +did patiently undergo for love of Penelope Primrose.</p> + +<p>“Muggins,” said his lordship, “have you left +a letter at Neverden within this day or two for +Mr Darnley?”</p> + +<p>“Yes, my lord,” replied the carrier.</p> + +<p>“And did you see Mr Darnley when you delivered the letter?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, yes, my lord, I see Mr Robert himself. +And please, my lord, I am almost afraid that you +and I will be found out.”</p> + +<p>“Found out, you rascal! what do you mean?”</p> + +<p>“Why, I means, my lord, please your lordship, +that one of them letters as I give your lordship +is been picked up, and Mr Robert Darnley +showed it to me and axed whether I knowed +nothing about it. And he said he’d kill me if I +did not tell him, and so I told him that I didn’t +know nothing where it come from. And so, my +lord, I’m quite afeard to go again to Neverden, +only I don’t know what to do just to get a bit of +bread.”</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[302]</a></span></p> + +<p>At this information the Right Honorable Lord +Spoonbill was perplexed.</p> + +<p>“Why, Muggins, if that is the case,” said his +lordship, “you had better get away.”</p> + +<p>“Yes, my lord, but what will become of me if +I give up my place?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, leave that to me!” said his lordship, +“and I will take care you shall be no loser.”</p> + +<p>This was the point to which the crafty one +wished to bring his right honorable friend. Suffice +it then to say that Lord Spoonbill, fancying +that he should place discovery out of the reach +of probability, made the rogue a very handsome +present, and gave him letters whereby he might +find employment in London, which would more +than compensate for the loss of his place in the +country.</p> + +<p>Then did Lord Spoonbill under cover of night’s +darkness find his way to Smatterton castle, +pleasing himself with the thought that his well-formed +scheme was now likely to take effect, and +that Mr Robert Darnley, after the warning of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[303]</a></span> +anonymous letter, would not be very hasty to +renew his acquaintance with Miss Primrose. It +was of course supposed by our readers, and +intended to be so supposed, that the anonymous +letter above alluded to was sent, if not by Lord +Spoonbill himself, at least by his instigation, and +for the purpose of forwarding his designs. And, +that the merit of the communication may not be +ascribed to a wrong personage, it is right to +inform the world that the writer of the same +letter was Colonel Crop. By this gallant officer +Lord Spoonbill was now accompanied to Smatterton +castle.</p> + +<p>Colonel Crop was an excellent travelling companion, +for he never disturbed the train of his +fellow-traveller’s thoughts by any impertinent +prating. The dexterous economy which the +colonel exercised over his words and actions was +quite surprising. He could make a little go a +great way. If for instance any friend, and many +such there were, invited the gallant colonel to +dinner, it would seem that thereby an occupation<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[304]</a></span> +were afforded him for an hour or two previously +for the purpose of dressing. But the ingenious time-consumer +managed to make a whole morning’s +work of it. Equally economical was he of words. +For if his Right Honorable friend Lord Spoonbill +should talk to him for a whole hour together, +the colonel would think it quite sufficient to +reply to the long harangue by simply saying: +“’Pon honor! you don’t say so.”</p> + +<p>With this lively companion did Lord Spoonbill +journey towards Smatterton; and as his lordship +wished to be left to his own thoughts, his friend +was not unwilling to indulge him; and thus did +the hereditary legislator enjoy the pleasure of +silently congratulating himself on the dexterity +with which he had managed this affair; and +more especially was he delighted at the fortunate +circumstance of having removed Nick Muggins +far away from the danger of being tempted or +terrified into confession of his unfaithfulness.</p> + +<p>It did not enter, nor was it likely to enter into +the mind of Lord Spoonbill, that Nick Muggins<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[305]</a></span> +had already impeached, and that Robert Darnley +was in possession of all the facts of the case. +There was something else also in the transactions +of that day unknown to and unsuspected +by his lordship. That other matter to which we +here allude, was the visit which Robert Darnley +had paid to Mr and Miss Primrose.</p> + +<p>At the close of the preceding chapter we +related that Mr Darnley and the letter-carrier +parted after their interview, and we have accompanied +Nick back to his home, and have narrated +what took place there. We may now therefore +return to Robert Darnley, and accompany him +also in his visit to Smatterton.</p> + +<p>After he had ascertained from Muggins the +truth of the matter concerning the suppressed +letter, he no longer heeded the anonymous communication +which he had received; and instead +of passing through the park as he had designed, +he proceeded immediately to the rectory.</p> + +<p>He was most happy in the thought that now +all doubts and perplexities were removed from<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[306]</a></span> +his mind, and he was much better able and far +more willing to believe that Penelope still remained +pure, honorable, and affectionate, than to +give credence to the foul calumnies which had +been circulated concerning her. There are individuals +in the world of whom it is, ordinarily +speaking, almost impossible to think ill. Such +was the character of Penelope Primrose to those +well acquainted with her. But the elder Mr +Darnley being a mightily pompous and grand +sort of man, looked at almost every one from an +awful distance. Discrimination of character was +by no means his forte. He thought that the +whole mass of mankind was divisible into two +classes, the good and the bad. He considered +that the good must do as he did, and think as he +thought; and that the bad were those that opposed +him. It was his notion that it required only +a simple volition for the good to become bad and +for the bad to become good. And when he heard +that Miss Primrose had transgressed, he forthwith +believed the tale and renounced her.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[307]</a></span></p> + +<p>But to say nothing of the affection which the +younger Darnley entertained for the lady, and +the pleasing hopes with which for so long a +period he had been accustomed to think of her, +he could not think it possible for a mind like +hers ever to descend to the meanness with which +she had been charged. He did think it possible +that, in consequence of a supposed neglect on his +part, and by means of ingenious assiduities on +the part of another, that her regards might be +transferred from him; but even that he would +not believe without positive evidence. Many a +faithful heart had been broken, and many an +honest man has been hanged, by circumstantial +evidence.</p> + +<p>The meeting of the lovers was silent. They +might have been previously studying speeches; +but these were forgotten on both sides. And in +their silence their looks explained to each other +how much they had respectively suffered from +the villany of him who had interrupted their +correspondence. After a long and silent em<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[308]</a></span>brace, +and gazing again and again at those +features which he had so loved to think of at a +mighty distance, Darnley at length was able to +speak, and he said: “And you have not forgotten +me!” How cold these words do look on +paper. But from the living lips which spoke +them, and from the energetic tenderness with +which they were uttered, and from the thought +of that mental suffering and that withering of +heart which had been occasioned by the fear of +forgetfulness, and above all from the circumstance +that these were the first words which +Penelope had heard from those lips for so long, +so very long a period, they came to her ear and +heart with a thrilling power, and awakened her +from her silent trance to the expression of that +feeling which had almost subdued her.</p> + +<p>“Forget!” she was attempting to echo her +lover’s words, but emotion was too strong for the +utterance of words, and she finished her answer +by falling on his neck and weeping audibly.</p> + +<p>Might it not have done Lord Spoonbill good<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_309" id="Page_309">[309]</a></span> +to have witnessed this scene? Surely it might +have taught him how little prospect there was of +the success of his designs; and he might, had he +possessed the ordinary feelings of humanity, have +thought that the coronet must be brilliant indeed +which could tempt Penelope to renounce her +lover.</p> + +<p>But Lord Spoonbill saw it not, and suspected +it not; if he had, it certainly would have saved +him a great deal of trouble.</p> + +<p>The lovers, when they did recover themselves +sufficiently to speak composedly and collectedly, +had volumes of talk for each other, and Darnley +was interested and moved by the narrative of +Penelope’s excursion to London, and the narrow +escape which she had from a profession so ill +adapted to the character and complexion of her +mind. But in all the conversation Darnley did +not mention to Penelope the anonymous letter +which he had that morning received, nor did he +say a word concerning the confession of the +letter-carrier. As to the anonymous letter, he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_310" id="Page_310">[310]</a></span> +would not insult her even by alluding to the +existence of evil reports; and as to the suppressed +letters, he feared lest the impetuosity of +the young lady’s father might be productive of +mischief. He thought it at all events most desirable, +at least so long as they might remain in +the neighbourhood of Smatterton castle, to let +Penelope suppose that the loss of the letters was +accidental.</p> + +<p>There may be some persons who think that +under present circumstances it was the duty of +Robert Darnley to send Lord Spoonbill a challenge, +or to bestow upon his lordship that chastisement +with which Nick Muggins had been +threatened. That Lord Spoonbill deserved a +bodily castigation, we will readily concede; but +as to duelling, we conceive it to be a very silly +and useless practice, and we are not sorry that +we are not compelled to relate of the younger +Darnley that his inclination prompted him to +adopt that very equivocal mode of demonstrating +himself to be a gentleman, or man of courage.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_311" id="Page_311">[311]</a></span></p> + +<p>Very pleasantly passed the two or three hours +which Robert Darnley allowed himself to spend +at Smatterton parsonage; very awkwardly passed +the dinner hour on his return to Neverden parsonage; +for the Rev. Mr Darnley would not +speak to his son, and poor Mrs Darnley and +the young ladies were afraid to speak when the +rector was silent.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_312" id="Page_312">[312]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX.</h2> + + +<p class="first"><span class="smcap">At</span> a late hour in the evening Lord Spoonbill, +accompanied by his worthy friend Colonel Crop, +arrived at Smatterton castle. The domestics +were instructed not to make the arrival public, +for his lordship was not desirous of being interrupted +by any invasions of callers. His object +professed to be the making some arrangements, +and laying down some plans for alterations and +improvements.</p> + +<p>Colonel Crop was an excellent counsellor. He +was one of those admirable advisers, whose suggestions +are always taken, and whose advice is +always welcome, for he never gave any advice +except that which was dictated to him by the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_313" id="Page_313">[313]</a></span> +person whose counsellor he was. He would have +made an excellent prime minister for any sovereign +who might not like to be contradicted. +His reverence for lords was very great, and far +greater of course would have been his reverence +for kings. He would no more think of reasoning +with or contradicting a lord, than a common +soldier would think of refusing to march or halt +at the word of his commander.</p> + +<p>Now when this worthy couple had finished a +late dinner, and Colonel Crop had assented to +and echoed all that Lord Spoonbill had been +pleased to affirm as touching the excellence or +the reverse of the various meats and drinks composing +their dinner, the hereditary legislator +began the work of consultation.</p> + +<p>“Well, Crop, it is a good thing that I have +sent that rascally letter-carrier away.”</p> + +<p>“Very,” replied the colonel.</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_314" id="Page_314">[314]</a></span></p> +<p>“It would have been quite shocking if he had +been terrified or bribed out of his secret.”</p> + +<p>“Quite,” replied the colonel.</p> + +<p>“Now I have been thinking,” continued his +lordship, “that you may be of great service to +me in this affair.”</p> + +<p>“You may command me,” replied the colonel.</p> + +<p>That was true enough, and so might any one +who would feed him. Young men of weak minds +and vicious habits are very much to be pitied +when they have such friends and companions as +Colonel Crop.</p> + +<p>“You know Miss Primrose by sight, colonel?” +said his lordship.</p> + +<p>“Can’t say I do,” replied the colonel; “I have +seen her once, but I took very little notice.”</p> + +<p>“I must introduce you then. Now you remember +the trouble I had with the old ones +about this affair, and you know that I was fool +enough, as I told you, to go so far as actually to +make Miss Primrose an offer of marriage.”</p> + +<p>The colonel gave his assent to this proposition +also; for he seemed to think it an act of rude<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_315" id="Page_315">[315]</a></span>ness +to contradict a lord, even when he called +himself a fool. And so perhaps it really is; for +a lord ought to know whether he is a fool or not, +and he would not say it if he did not believe it; +and there is also a degree of wisdom in the discovery +that one has been a fool, for thereby it is +intimated that the season of folly is over. Whosoever +therefore actually says that he was a fool +formerly, virtually says that he is not a fool now. +So no doubt did the colonel interpret the assertion +of Lord Spoonbill, and with this interpretation +he said, “Exactly so.”</p> + +<p>“But I think now,” proceeded his lordship, +“I may have the young lady on my own terms. +But the difficulty is how to manage the business +without alarming her, and perhaps bringing down +some deadly vengeance from that father of her’s, +for he is as fierce as a tiger.”</p> + +<p>That which is a difficulty to an hereditary +legislator and heir to a title and large estate, +must of course be a difficulty also to a half-pay<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_316" id="Page_316">[316]</a></span> +colonel, who loves to depend upon occasional +dinners, and, like a hospital, to be supported by +voluntary contributions. Therefore the colonel +said:</p> + +<p>“Ay, that is the difficulty.”</p> + +<p>“If by any means we could contrive to get +the father out of the way, we might perhaps +get rid of some obstacle. Crop, can you hit +upon any scheme to separate them?”</p> + +<p>“Can’t, ’pon honor,” replied the colonel, who +probably thought that it was not becoming in +him to be more ingenious than his feeder. The +colonel indeed was willing to do whatever he +might be bid, to say whatever might be put into +his mouth, to write whatever might be dictated +to him, and to go wherever he might be sent. +But he was by no means a self-acting machine. +He would do anything for any body, but he +required to be told explicitly what to do.</p> + +<p>After a pause of some minutes, Lord Spoonbill +observed; “Perhaps some use might be made<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_317" id="Page_317">[317]</a></span> +of the stoppage of Mr Primrose’s banker. I +forget the name; have you any recollection +of it?”</p> + +<p>“Can’t say I have, ’pon honor;” replied the +colonel.</p> + +<p>To proceed much farther in narrating this +lively dialogue which took place between the +Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill and Colonel +Crop, as to the most likely means of forwarding +the designs which his lordship meditated against +Miss Primrose, would contribute more to the +reader’s weariness than to his amusement or +edification. It will be enough in the present +state of affairs to say, that this notable colloquy +terminated in the determination on the part of +his lordship to take no immediate steps in the +affair till he had ascertained what effect the +anonymous letter had produced upon Robert +Darnley. For this purpose, Colonel Crop might +render himself useful. Instructions were therefore +given him accordingly, and he was ordered<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_318" id="Page_318">[318]</a></span> +to ride over to Neverden Hall, where he might +be most likely to gain some information.</p> + +<p>Early therefore, on the following morning, the +gallant colonel found his way to the mansion +of the worthy baronet and able magistrate, Sir +George Aimwell. The unpaid one was mightily +well pleased at the visit, and he shook the hand +of the half-paid one till his fingers ached.</p> + +<p>“Well, Colonel, I am glad to see you. So +you are tired of the gaieties of London already, +and you are coming to relieve our dullness in +the country. How are our noble neighbours?”</p> + +<p>“Quite well, I thank you,” replied the +colonel, who felt himself one of great importance +in being able to speak so readily and assuredly +concerning nobility.</p> + +<p>And here we will take the opportunity, and a +very fit one it is, of observing on a very curious +fact, namely, that the reverence for nobility and +high rank is not felt so acutely and powerfully +by simple and unmixed plebeians, as it is by<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_319" id="Page_319">[319]</a></span> +those who have some remote affinity to nobility, +or who fancy themselves to be a shadow or two +of a caste above the mere plebeian. Colonel +Crop was not of noble family, but he was the +last of a mighty puissant race of insignificant +attenuated gentry in a country town; and as +nobility was a scarce article in the neighbourhood +where he was born and brought up, he +was mightily proud of his intimacy with the +noble family of the Spoonbills. But to proceed.</p> + +<p>“Now, colonel, as you are here,” said the +worthy baronet, “I hope you will stay and +spend the day with me.”</p> + +<p>We are always popping in our remarks upon +everything that is done and said; and here again +we cannot help remarking that Sir George Aimwell +might have had the grace to say “with us,” +as well as “with me;” but he thought so much +of his own magisterial self, that he had no consideration +of any one else.</p> + +<p>To the invitation thus given the gallant +colonel scarcely knew what to say, for his com<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_320" id="Page_320">[320]</a></span>mission, +though very definite as to purpose, was +not definite as to time. Now the colonel, though +a man of family, was somewhat obtuse, and by +some people would have been called stupid; +and he scarcely knew whether or not he should +communicate to the amiable magistrate at +Neverden Hall, the fact of Lord Spoonbill’s +incognito presence at Smatterton castle. And as +it was not possible for him to send back to the +castle for further orders, he thought that the +most prudent step that he could take would be +to leave the matter of dining undecided, and go +back in person to Smatterton for full directions.</p> + +<p>He gave therefore an undecided answer to +the baronet’s invitation, saying that he had some +“little matters” to attend to at Smatterton, and +that, if he possibly could return to Neverden in +the evening, he should be most happy to take his +dinner with the worthy baronet.</p> + +<p>Back therefore to Smatterton trotted the convenient +colonel, in order to report progress and +ask leave to sit at the baronet’s table. Now we<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_321" id="Page_321">[321]</a></span> +“guess” that some of our readers are sneering +most contemptuously at this convenient colonel, +and admiring the placid facility with which +he is moved about from place to place at +the nod of an hereditary legislator, and obeying +all the commands of a tadpole senator. Yet +why should any one think that he is unworthily +or degradingly employed. Only let us +imagine for a moment that the Right Honorable +Lord Spoonbill is a most gracious, or a +most Christian majesty, and that his negociations +are for precisely the same purpose as they +are at present; or that from negociations of this +nature there may have arisen between two +mighty and puissant nations a just and necessary +war—such things have been—then would the +said Colonel Crop, in his capacity of negociator, +be regarded with profound admiration by all his +majesty’s most faithful and loyal subjects; and +morning and evening papers would be proud of +putting forth second editions to immortalize his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_322" id="Page_322">[322]</a></span> +diplomatic movements. But, as it is, ours is the +only record of these matters.</p> + +<p>When Colonel Crop therefore returned to +Smatterton castle, and informed his right honorable +employer of what had passed at Neverden, +Lord Spoonbill thought, though he did not say, +that Colonel Crop was a great booby.</p> + +<p>“Why, colonel,” said his lordship, “by all +means go back and take your dinner with Sir +George; you may find out something about +Darnley; I am in no hurry for your return, only +let me know all that you can collect concerning +this young lady; and above all endeavour to +find out whether Mr Robert Darnley is spoken +of as her future husband, or whether the acquaintance +between them is broken off. That +is all I wish to ascertain at present. I shall +then know how to act. For don’t you see that, +if Darnley keeps at a distance in consequence +of the present reports, I am more likely to have +her on my own terms. There is no heart so easy +to win as that of a disappointed lover.”</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_323" id="Page_323">[323]</a></span></p> + +<p>With his instructions back went the colonel +to Neverden. And as we have not the opportunity +of giving verbal or senatorial advice to +mighty and puissant princes, we will here do all +we can for the good of our country, and of all +countries into the language of which this history +may be translated, by advising and most earnestly +recommending that blockheads, however +valorous or gallant, like our friend Colonel Crop, +be not employed in diplomatic offices. There is +a very great difference between the vigorous arm +that can break a man’s head, and the ingenious +dexterity which can bend a man’s heart. And, +generally speaking, those people can have but +little regard for brains, whose business it is to +knock them out.</p> + +<p>For want of a dexterous diplomatist, Lord +Spoonbill, as we shall see hereafter, was exposed +to great inconvenience, and suffered mighty and +serious disappointment.</p> + +<p>Colonel Crop was not sorry that leave was +granted him to dine at Sir George Aimwell’s.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_324" id="Page_324">[324]</a></span> +For the baronet had an excellent cook, and the +cook had an excellent place, and few are the +instances in which there exists so good an understanding +between master and servant, as in +the present case there did between the worthy +magistrate and his as worthy cook.</p> + +<p>Whether Colonel Crop did or did not possess +the organ of hope strongly developed in his +skull, we cannot tell, for the gallant colonel has +not yet been hanged; if he had, we might have +found any organs we pleased; but we may suppose +that he had the organ of anticipativeness, +for his thoughts dwelt so seriously and intently +upon the good dinner that he was likely to +enjoy at Sir George Aimwell’s table, that he did +actually and truly forget a great part of his +errand. Oh, how selfish is mortal man!</p> + +<p>The colonel, however, with all his propensity +to oblivion, had sufficient memory to recollect +that his business was to ascertain whether Mr +Darnley, son of the rector of Neverden, still continued +his acquaintance with a young lady or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_325" id="Page_325">[325]</a></span> +not. At the table of Sir George Aimwell there +was introduced a young lady, Miss Glossop. +The name of Glossop bears no very marked +affinity to that of Primrose, but by some strange +fatality or fatuity, the gallant colonel confounded +them. The young lady, by a certain dashing +style of behaviour, passed off with the colonel +as a remarkably fine young woman; and when +Sir George Aimwell spoke banteringly to her +concerning Robert Darnley, then the gallant +negociator was sure that this was the lady in +question.</p> + +<p>There was a still farther corroboration in the +circumstance that this lady was gifted with +remarkable vocal powers. The colonel was no +great judge of music, but he could see that she +played very rapidly, and he could hear that she +sung very loud; and therefore he entertained the +same notion of her musical talents which she +herself did.</p> + +<p>The musical exhibition took place after tea. +Lady Aimwell cared little about music or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_326" id="Page_326">[326]</a></span> +anything else, and in the presence of her husband’s +visitors she generally shewed her dignity +by looking sulky. But Colonel Crop was +so vastly polite, that her ladyship was generally +more civil and courteous to him than to any +other guests who were attracted to Neverden +Hall by the fame of the baronet’s cook.</p> + +<p>And while Miss Glossop was amusing herself +with melodious vociferations, and singing and +playing so loud that the poor magistrate could +hardly keep his eyes shut, Colonel Crop and +Lady Aimwell were engaged in a whispering or +muttering conversation, all about nothing at all. +They both agreed that it was remarkable weather, +neither of them had remembered it so mild +for many years. Lady Aimwell was very well +pleased to hear Colonel Crop’s common-place +nothings which he had brought from London, +and her ladyship related all that had taken place +at Neverden since the colonel was there last.</p> + +<p>Her ladyship was not especially partial to +Miss Glossop. There was some little jealousy<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_327" id="Page_327">[327]</a></span> +in the heart of Lady Aimwell that this stranger, +as it were, should occupy so much of the baronet’s +attention. Disagreeable people are generally +the most jealous. Her ladyship noticed the +music.</p> + +<p>“I wonder,” muttered the fretful one to +Colonel Crop, “that Sir George can bear to hear +such a constant noise. I am sure he knows +nothing of music. There is a great deal of talk +about her fine voice and her rapid execution; +her voice sounds to my ear very much like the +voice of a peacock.”</p> + +<p>Saying this her ladyship smiled, because it +was almost witty, and the colonel also smiled, +for he too thought it was witty.</p> + +<p>“But I beg your pardon, colonel,” said her +ladyship; “perhaps you may be partial to +music?”</p> + +<p>“By no means,” replied the colonel, “and I +was not aware that Sir George was partial to it. +Our friends at the castle are very musical.”</p> + +<p>It was pleasant for the colonel to be able to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_328" id="Page_328">[328]</a></span> +talk about our friends at the castle; but Lady +Aimwell, though not very ambitious of publicity +in the gay world, was rather jealous of the +Smatterton great ones, and thought herself +treated with too much haughtiness and distance +by the Earl and Countess.</p> + +<p>“I wish that all that noise and affectation +were at the castle, instead of tormenting me.”</p> + +<p>Thus spoke Lady Aimwell. Now, thought +Colonel Crop, there was a fine opportunity for +introducing his diplomacy; and for that purpose +the gallant negociator said, in a very knowing +accent:</p> + +<p>“But I think I have heard that this young +lady is likely to give her hand to a Mr —— +Mr —— bless me, I forget names.”</p> + +<p>“Do you mean Mr Darnley,” said her ladyship, +“the son of our rector?”</p> + +<p>“Yes, yes,” replied the colonel,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_329" id="Page_329">[329]</a></span> “I believe +that is the name; Darnley, Darnley, ay, ay, +that is the name. This lady is going to be married +to Mr Darnley, I have heard.”</p> + +<p>“Oh no!” replied her ladyship, “I don’t +believe it. I can hardly think it probable. Indeed—but +I hope it will go no further”—</p> + +<p>Here her ladyship spoke in a still lower key +and more subdued tone, and the gallant colonel +listened with profound attention, and with great +delight did he hear her ladyship thus speak:</p> + +<p>“There has, I believe, been some talk about +such an affair, and Robert Darnley has met her +here once or twice. But the truth is, he seems +to know her character and disposition too well. +And if there were any such thoughts on his part, +I am sure he has given up all such idea by this +time. Indeed, I do not think that there ever was +much regard on either side.”</p> + +<p>This was grand intelligence for the colonel. +He felt himself mightily important. He soon +ceased the conversation, and took his leave of +the family at Neverden Hall, and he reported +all that he had heard and seen according to the +best of his ability.</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_330" id="Page_330">[330]</a></span></p> +<p>“Well, my lord, I have seen your Arabella.”</p> + +<p>“Penelope, you mean;” interrupted his lordship.</p> + +<p>“Ay, ay, Penelope; bless me, how soon I +forget names. So I have seen her and heard +her.”</p> + +<p>“She plays and sings delightfully,” said Lord +Spoonbill.</p> + +<p>“Wonderfully,” replied the colonel, who was +more than usually eloquent in consequence of +the good success of his diplomacy: “to be sure +I do not understand music, but I never saw so +rapid an execution in my life.”</p> + +<p>“But,” interrupted his impatient lordship, +“did you hear anything about that Darnley?”</p> + +<p>“Yes,” replied the colonel, with mighty pomp +and energy of manner. “Lady Aimwell told me, +in confidence, that Darnley knew her character +too well to think of marrying her. These were +her ladyship’s own words.”</p> + +<p>“Now, Crop, you have done me a service +indeed. Now I think the day is our own.”</p> + +<p>When the good friends parted for the night,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_331" id="Page_331">[331]</a></span> +his delighted lordship was so occupied with his +own sweet thoughts that he was quite intoxicated +with joy. He would, had he been able, have +sung a <i>Te Deum</i>; and it would be very well if +<i>Te Deum</i> had never been sung on occasions quite +as unworthy as, if not infinitely more so than +the present.</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<p class="frontispiece p6">END OF THE SECOND VOLUME.</p> + +<p class="frontispiece p6 b4"> +LONDON:<br /> +<span class="small">PRINTED BY C. H. REYNELL, BROAD STREET, GOLDEN SQUARE.</span><br /> +</p> + +<hr class="chap" /> + +<div class="tnote"><p class="center">TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES.</p> + +<p class="center">Original spelling has been retained, unless it’s clearly a printer’s error.</p> + +<p class="center">The following corrections have been made in the text:</p> + +<div class="left"> +<table summary="Corrections"> + +<tr><th><b>Page</b></th><th><b>Original text</b></th><th><b>Corrected text</b></th></tr> +<tr><td class="w20"><a href="#Page_34">34</a></td><td class="w40">Smattertno</td><td class="w40">Smatterton</td></tr> +<tr><td class="w20"><a href="#Page_59">59</a></td><td class="w40">too verturn</td><td class="w40">to overturn</td></tr> +<tr><td class="w20"><a href="#Page_111">111</a></td><td class="w40">gird</td><td class="w40">girl</td></tr> +<tr><td class="w20"><a href="#Page_231">231</a></td><td class="w40">enoug</td><td class="w40">enough</td></tr> +</table></div></div> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44159 ***</div> +</body> +</html> + diff --git a/44159-h/images/cover.jpg b/44159-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a4e8c29 --- /dev/null +++ b/44159-h/images/cover.jpg |
