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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44159 ***
+
+PENELOPE:
+
+OR,
+
+LOVE'S LABOUR LOST.
+
+A NOVEL.
+
+IN THREE VOLUMES.
+
+
+II.
+
+
+  LONDON:
+  PRINTED FOR HUNT AND CLARKE,
+  YORK STREET, COVENT GARDEN.
+
+
+  1828.
+
+
+  LONDON:
+  PRINTED BY C. H. REYNELL, BROAD STREET, GOLDEN SQUARE.
+
+
+  PENELOPE:
+  OR,
+  LOVE'S LABOUR LOST.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+Lord Spoonbill was not less disappointed than the Countess of
+Smatterton, to hear that Penelope was in daily expectation of seeing
+her father. Hereditary legislators are sometimes perplexed, and in
+the present case the son of the Earl of Smatterton was in a state of
+grievous doubt and agitation.
+
+His object in the first instance had been to take Penelope under his
+protection, and he supposed that if the correspondence between her
+and Robert Darnley could be broken off, there would be very little
+difficulty in inducing her to comply with his proposals. For it was
+his intention to make a most liberal settlement and to place her in
+a very handsome establishment. Living as he had always in splendour,
+and enjoying the luxuries and ostentation of wealth, though accustomed
+to them from his birth, he thought, that to one educated in such
+humble obscurity as Penelope had been, these fascinations would be
+irresistible. During the short time that he had been under the same
+roof with her, he had seen and observed more of the character of her
+mind, and he felt that it was not personal beauty alone that she
+possessed, but that her disposition was kind and her temper beautiful;
+and therefore he loved her with a much purer regard than ever he had
+before entertained for any one of the sex. He loved her so much, in
+fact, that he absolutely regretted that her rank in life was not nearer
+to his own.
+
+It now also occurred to him, from what he had heard in the autumn,
+that it was very probable that Robert Darnley might be in England, and
+that through the intervention of Mr Primrose some explanation might
+bring the parties together again, and thus his lordship's hopes would
+be disappointed and his schemes frustrated. Then there came into his
+lordship's mind the thought of the intercepted letters, and with that
+thought the fear that a discovery might be made as to the manner in
+which, and the person by whom, they had been intercepted. But that fear
+was transient, for his lordship confidently said to himself, "It is
+absolutely impossible that Nick Muggins should betray me." What could
+his lordship be thinking about when he uttered this soliloquy? Did the
+Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill think that the principle of honor was
+stronger in the mind of Nick Muggins, the Smatterton post-boy, than it
+was in his own Right Honorable self? Wherein, did his lordship imagine,
+consisted the essential superiority of the high born above the sons of
+the peasantry? Did his lordship imagine that the only difference was in
+titles and soft white hands? It is not for us to know what lords may
+think, it is enough for us to gaze with wonderment on what they do.
+
+Present circumstances and present feelings compelled Lord Spoonbill to
+enter into serious deliberation with himself as to what step he should
+pursue. He could not for a moment admit the possibility of making an
+honorable offer of his hand to the young lady; such a proposal would
+have been the death of the Earl of Smatterton. That offer, which his
+lordship gravely called the other proposal, required a little more
+circumlocution and management; for his lordship was not quite so simple
+as not to be aware that, if making the first proposal was condescension
+on his part, accepting the latter would be condescension on the part
+of the lady. There was required for this purpose a tolerably strong
+attachment to his lordship, which might not yet exist in the lady's
+mind. And though Lord Spoonbill was not by any means a man of great
+understanding or extraordinary penetration, yet in those matters in
+which he was most conversant he was not altogether unskilful. In
+pursuits of a similar nature to the present, his lordship was by no
+means inexpert; but, in the present instance, he knew that the person
+in question was gifted with mental powers superior to those which
+had belonged to his previous victims, and his own regard for her was
+somewhat more tender and respectful.
+
+These considerations on the one hand told his lordship that success
+would be endangered by precipitancy, while the fact that Mr Primrose,
+in the course of a day or two, would make his appearance, rendered it
+necessary that some immediate steps should be taken. It is a great pity
+that hereditary legislators, who are born to govern a nation, should
+in any case be incapable of legislating for themselves. Such a case
+now occurred. Lord Spoonbill thought of calling to his aid the counsel
+of a friend. For this purpose he forthwith ordered his horse for a
+morning ride; and, after an unmercifully rapid gallop of ten miles, he
+dismounted at the door of one of the prettiest little cottages within
+twenty miles of London.
+
+This cottage was almost secluded from the sight of the world, but was
+yet within reach of life's gaieties and luxuries. Its secludedness was
+owing partly to the immensely thick plantations by which it was hidden
+from the road, and partly to the narrow and almost imperceptible lane
+which led to it. The external appearance of the plantation was rugged
+and uncultivated and neglected; and this appearance was, on the part of
+the owner and occupier of the place, cunningly intentional. He was a
+man who loved seclusion, but who loved the world; but the world which
+he loved was not the miscellaneous world of promiscuous humanity; it
+was only the world of select and superfastidious fashion, of graceful
+gaiety and refined voluptuousness. He loved society not as society, but
+as the means of more intense and effective sensual gratification. Our
+readers, we trust, will excuse and accompany us if we describe with
+very particular minuteness this very singular character. He belonged
+not to any class, or tribe, or general description of men; for if he
+had, a few words of outline would suffice to state the class to which
+he belonged, and imagination or observation might supply the rest. But
+he was a perfect unique.
+
+His personal appearance was striking, though not marked by any
+decided or obvious singularity. He was tall and well formed, finely
+proportioned and of graceful carriage. The top of his head was entirely
+and shiningly bald; his complexion was fair, and there was for the most
+part a look of good humour and easy gaiety in his countenance; but an
+attentive observer might occasionally perceive a transient cloudiness
+that looked like disappointment, and there were also visible traces
+of slight asperity and symptoms of sneer and contemptuousness. In
+his dress he was fastidiously accurate and expensively splendid. He
+regarded fashion no farther than as it gave him an opportunity of
+exhibiting himself to the greatest possible advantage.
+
+Of the qualities of his mind it is difficult to speak intelligibly.
+He was intellectual, though sensual; his reading was remarkably
+limited, and his knowledge as remarkably extensive. He had received
+the rudiments of his education at Westminster, and had finished his
+studies at Cambridge, at which place he had become acquainted with Lord
+Spoonbill. But, notwithstanding all the opportunities which had been
+afforded him, he had not made what is called progress in literature. He
+was perfect in no species of knowledge or science which is derivable
+from books. He had learned Greek, Latin, French, Italian and German,
+but he was familiar with none of them. He had slightly attended to the
+exact sciences, but he had forgotten of them everything but their
+existence. He had read ancient and modern history; his recollection
+of them was little, but clear, and when he had any occasion to speak
+of any of their facts or their philosophies, he generally spoke with
+accuracy, and thereby acquired a reputation, which he had no wish or
+ambition to acquire, of being a well read man. Few people speak Greek
+or Latin, and therefore our gentleman, not being examined, passed
+for a scholar. Everybody who pretends to any degree of refinement or
+fashion, interslops his own native language with an ungrammatical nasal
+blattering, called quoting French; and our gentleman had picked up
+enough of that affected trumpery to pass well in the society which he
+occasionally frequented. With how small a portion of real literature
+and actual knowledge a man may pass muster in society, is only known to
+those who love the reputation of scholarship better than its toils.
+
+The gentleman of whom we are speaking was too politic to trouble
+himself about politics. His politics, if the theory of such an
+indolent one may be called by that name, were Ascendancy politics.
+Those are the best subjects who never trouble their heads about
+politics: if we were king we should always encourage and patronize such
+people. The tame negroes in the West India islands do not trouble their
+heads about politics, nor do the subjects of the Emperor of Morocco, or
+the King of Persia, for if they did, their heads would soon cease to
+trouble them. The people of the United States do trouble their heads,
+but the time may come when there may be in that part of the world a
+great multitude who will not trouble their heads about politics; it
+will then be a much pleasanter thing to be king of America than it
+would now. But while we say that our gentleman was indifferent to
+politics, and therefore a good subject, we by no means wish it to be
+understood that he was a Tory, for Tories do trouble their heads about
+politics, and trouble other people's heads too.
+
+This person eschewed partisanship, because it would give him trouble
+to belong to a party. His principle was to possess and enjoy animally
+every luxury within his reach; but at the same time to avoid those
+excesses which are palpably and obviously ruinous to the constitution.
+He had made the experiment for very few years, but he began to find
+thus early that the experiment was not likely to succeed. For want of
+exertion and activity the keenness of his relish had already begun to
+abate; and by carefully extracting the bitter ingredients from life's
+cup and casting them away, he found that its sweets were sickening and
+saturating. Whatever was annoying to mind or body, he endeavoured,
+and in most cases successfully, to avoid. But there was gradually and
+surely coming upon him the bitterest of all annoyances; that kind of
+mental suffering which is only describable in the language of paradox,
+and which we will set down for the purpose of giving the purblind
+puppies of criticism something to yelp at. He was then beginning to
+feel the bitterness of sweetness, the darkness of light, the discord
+of harmony, the solitude of society, the weariness of rest, the
+deformity of beauty; but he knew not how and from whence this annoyance
+was coming upon him. He had felt that sensibility was painful, and he
+had suppressed or neutralized it; he avoided the sight or thought of
+suffering, for he felt that sympathy with pain was painful. He had not
+exercised the powers of his mind, lest that exercise should interfere
+with that system of luxurious enjoyment which he had adopted. He had
+despised and derided the moral feeling, and had studiously guarded
+himself against all reproofs which conscience might administer to him.
+But with all this care he experienced feelings far more oppressive than
+those against which he guarded.
+
+Now the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill was also a man of no mental
+exertion, but he was a man of no mental power; he also was sensual,
+but his was not a deliberate and studied sensuality, it was purely
+animal and instinctive. He was an Epicurean, but not an Epicurean
+philosopher. At Cambridge he had been acquainted with this Mr
+Erpingham, and he had admired the dextrous sophistry by which this
+gentleman had proved the worse to be the better cause. Mr Erpingham
+had also been proud of the acquaintance with nobility, though Lord
+Spoonbill was a younger man than he. And they had become the confidents
+and companions of each others profligacies.
+
+In a difficulty therefore of that kind to which we have above alluded,
+it is not to be wondered at that his lordship should enter into
+consultation, or at least into conversation, concerning the subject
+with his good friend Erpingham.
+
+We would not, however, have our readers imagine that Lord Spoonbill was
+quite such a ninny as to make it the subject of deliberate consultation
+and express enquiry, to learn what he ought to do on the present
+occasion; he merely meant to make a call upon his friend, and he was
+prompted to make that call by the circumstances in which he was then
+placed with regard to Penelope Primrose. His object was to talk the
+matter over, and he certainly could not have selected a properer person
+to take part in such conversation.
+
+The two friends had not met for some time; the interview was agreeable
+therefore to both parties; for they had a great mutual respect for each
+other: Lord Spoonbill admired Mr Erpingham's talents, and Mr Erpingham
+had a high respect for Lord Spoonbill's title and high connexions.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+Lord Spoonbill was ushered into an apartment, the air of which was warm
+and fragrant: the warmth came from Newcastle, and the fragrancy from
+Bond street. At first entering the room his lordship saw not any one to
+whom his name could have been announced. The servant who had opened the
+door for him closed it immediately behind him, and he seemed to be in
+an empty apartment. By an instinct natural to an Englishman he advanced
+towards the fire-place, and there he presently saw on a sofa, the back
+of which was towards the door, his friend Erpingham reclining at full
+length, and having before him an open volume placed on a low table,
+which had been constructed and adapted for reading on a sofa. This was
+what Erpingham called "reading made easy."
+
+His lordship expressed by his looks some surprise that his friend
+should not rise from the sofa, and said, "Erpingham! are you unwell?"
+
+"Ah! Spoonbill, is it you? Excuse my not rising to receive you; but the
+fact is, I have been trying for the last hour and a half to get into an
+easy position, and I have but just accomplished it, and if I move now
+I shall not be able to recover the position, and you know how wretched
+that sensation is. Well, how are the old materials?"
+
+This last question referred to the health of the Earl and Countess of
+Smatterton; and it was a phrase which Erpingham had learned from Lord
+Spoonbill himself.
+
+To this question Lord Spoonbill made the regular response, and
+continued, "How is it, Erpingham, that I never have the pleasure of
+seeing you unless I ride over to you?"
+
+"Can't say," was the careless reply: "but," continued the
+Epicurean, "I am not partial to mixed company. Now your house in town
+is too multitudinous for me.--But my Clarissa tells me that the Countess
+of Smatterton is going to astonish the whole world by introducing a new
+first-rate voice."
+
+For explanation, it may be enough to inform the reader that Clarissa
+held the same place in Mr Erpingham's establishment as Lord Spoonbill
+wished Penelope to hold in his. His lordship therefore was not sorry
+that the subject should be thus introduced, and he replied:
+
+"Exactly so. But we have our doubts whether the lady will, under
+present circumstances, assent to the arrangement: for when she came
+to London, it was as an orphan, but now her father has returned from
+India after a long, and, I suppose, a profitable absence. Mr Primrose,
+the father, is now on his way from Smatterton, and he has said in his
+letter to his daughter, that he is about to place her in a home of his
+own. So I fear we shall lose this star."
+
+Mr Erpingham did not lay anything very much to heart, and therefore
+he did not express any serious lamentation on this probable loss. He
+directed his remarks to other matters; and among other questions which
+he asked of Lord Spoonbill, alluding to the circumstances and events of
+his lordship's life, he enquired: "And have you got rid of your dear
+little Ellen at last? You had a great deal of trouble with her, I think
+you told me some time ago."
+
+Lord Spoonbill was quite as profligate as his elegant friend, but he
+had not so successfully and completely neutralized all his feelings.
+Though his profligacy therefore was coarser than that of Erpingham,
+and though his lordship was not over gifted with sensibility, yet he
+was not so entirely and systematically heartless. To this question
+concerning poor Ellen he shook his head, and said:
+
+"Why, yes; I was sorry for the poor thing too: she was very much in
+love with me at one time, I really believe."
+
+"Ay," replied Erpingham, "that was bad. It is quite annoying to have
+a woman in love with one. I could not endure it. I make it a rule
+never to encourage anything of the kind. You were too much addicted
+to sentimentality when you were at Cambridge. I suspect now that you
+are more than half in love with this Miss Primrose. Is she pretty and
+silly?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill frowned at the question, and did not answer it.
+
+"Oh, well," replied his friend, "I have no wish to be in your
+confidence. Pray don't tell me any more of your secrets than you wish
+me to know. And if you are going to talk as much nonsense to me about
+Miss Primrose as you did two years ago about your 'dear little Ellen,'
+I must beg to be excused. Positively, Spoonbill, I have grown quite
+nervous of late."
+
+"I think," replied his lordship, "you have grown quite provoking. I
+have no intention of boring your ears with any sentimentality, as you
+are pleased to call it."
+
+This being uttered in a petulant tone, and Erpingham not liking to
+take the trouble of replying in the same tone, contented himself with
+indolently saying:
+
+"Well, well, don't be angry. Say what you please. I will bear it very
+patiently."
+
+Lord Spoonbill having but little time to spare, and being very desirous
+of unburthening his mind to his friend, suffered this kind of careless
+half-apology to extract from him the secret of his attachment to
+Penelope. Erpingham listened as attentively as he could to the story,
+and when it was finished he yawned out, "Ah! sure! But what assistance
+can I give you?"
+
+It was not very easy to answer that question. His lordship was more
+disposed indeed to ask questions than answer them, and therefore,
+instead of replying to the question of his friend, he said: "Now what
+would you advise me to do?"
+
+"Make her an offer of a handsome establishment. I suppose she is
+violently in love with you."
+
+"I cannot be quite sure of that," replied his lordship; "but I
+believe I am not quite disagreeable to her."
+
+"There is something in that," replied Erpingham; "but not much.
+According to your account of this Miss Primrose, it should seem
+that she is of a good family, and perhaps the arrangement that you
+contemplate would not be acceded to."
+
+"That," answered his lordship, "is what I most fear; and I will
+acknowledge to you that I am so far in love, that rather than lose her
+I would actually marry her."
+
+"Marry her," exclaimed the Epicurean; "marry her! Impossible!"
+Saying this, Erpingham roused himself from his indolent lounging
+posture, and with much greater energy than he was accustomed to use, he
+said: "Spoonbill, I am not much in the habit of either giving or
+taking advice, but I will for once so far advise you as to say, that if
+you contemplate marrying Miss Primrose, you must not on any account
+whatever make her any other offer."
+
+"Why so?" replied his booby lordship, with a stare of awkward
+astonishment.
+
+"Why so!" echoed his friend; "because, if the young lady has a proper
+sense of her own dignity, she will not accept an offer of marriage from
+one who has made her an offer of another description; and if she has
+not that sense of dignity, but merely makes a profitable market of your
+passion for her, she will despise you for a fond fool, and you, when
+your fondness is over, will look upon her as a cunning, artful baggage.
+I know nothing about Miss Primrose; but I am very sure that no woman
+is fit to be a wife who could ever forgive a proposal of a different
+description."
+
+The sagacious hereditary legislator could not understand this logic,
+and he stared at his friend as if he thought that he was crazy. "Bless
+my soul, Erpingham," at length he said, "what nonsense you are talking.
+I really cannot understand you. What can be more natural and regular
+than to offer her marriage, if she will not accept me on any other
+terms. You talk about hating sentimentality; I am sure you are now
+talking as much sentimentality as any one need wish to hear."
+
+Erpingham had exerted himself so much by the two last speeches which
+he had made, as not to wish to continue the discussion, or to undergo
+any more blundering interrogations from his noble friend; he therefore
+began to resume his indolent attitude, and said, "Well, do as you like
+best, Spoonbill, only remember I did not refuse my advice when you
+asked it. Will you stop now and take your dinner with me?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill was not any more disposed than his friend to carry on
+the discourse, and therefore declined the invitation to dine, and made
+the best of his way home again. As he rode homewards he attempted to
+think, but he found no small difficulty in that mental operation. There
+are some advertising schoolmasters who profess to teach their pupils to
+think; but as we were not educated in one of these thought-mongering
+seminaries, we cannot think how thinking can be taught. It may be
+possible, for the only impossibility in these days is to decide à
+priori that anything is impossible. But we do verily believe that,
+had Lord Spoonbill been at one of these establishments, he would have
+puzzled his preceptor as much as his preceptor would have puzzled him.
+
+By the time that his lordship had arrived at home he had come to
+the conclusion of his thinking, and the result was, that he thought
+Erpingham to be quite an altered man; and he also thought that he would
+not follow the ridiculous advice which his friend had given him.
+
+Penelope made her appearance at dinner, and looked, as Lord Spoonbill
+said, most divinely. How Lord Spoonbill should know what divine
+looks are, we cannot tell: perhaps he meant that Penelope looked
+like a parson. However Penelope might look at dinner, it is very
+certain that Lord Spoonbill looked very much at Penelope. But the
+young lady's thoughts were so pleasingly and agreeably engaged, and
+her anticipations were so delightful, that everybody and everything
+appeared agreeable to her. It was very different with the Countess of
+Smatterton. Her anticipations were not very pleasant: her ladyship
+apprehended that the return of Mr Primrose to England would be
+the destruction of her prospects, as far as they related to Miss
+Primrose. Having already observed that the young lady had manifested
+some reluctance to the public exhibition of her musical talents, the
+Countess very naturally supposed that Mr Primrose would indulge an only
+child in whatever fancy she might take up.
+
+It was unfortunate also for the Countess, that she could not easily
+suppress her feelings of displeasure or dissatisfaction when any
+of her favourite fancies were disappointed. Having already so far
+committed herself among her rival prodigy-fanciers as to make a kind
+of preliminary exhibition of her newly discovered wonder, her ladyship
+felt that it would be very mortifying indeed to make her appearance
+in town without fulfilling the high promises which she had made, and
+gratifying the expectations which she had raised.
+
+It is mortifying to spend money for nothing; but it is infinitely more
+mortifying to be at the expense of a prodigious deal of condescension
+to answer at last no good or self-gratifying end. This was the loss
+and the mortification which the Countess of Smatterton now suffered,
+or at least anticipated. Instead therefore of the usual courteous
+manner which her ladyship had hitherto manifested towards the niece
+of the late rector of Smatterton, there was coldness, haughtiness,
+and silence. The Earl of Smatterton had not so quick a perception as
+the Countess, and he had not anticipated any disappointment in the
+return of Penelope's father to England. His lordship still continued to
+sport the condescensions, and he did not take any notice whatever of
+her ladyship's fit of ill-humour. When stupid men are henpecked they
+often receive more pity than they need, for they are very frequently
+insensible to many of the ill-humours of their mates.
+
+Now, as the Countess was silent, an opportunity was offered for his
+lordship to talk. Happy would it be if all married people would talk
+only one at a time.
+
+"And so, Miss Primrose," thus spake the Earl of Smatterton, "I find
+that you expect shortly to see your father. It is a long while, I
+think, since you have seen him?"
+
+"It is sixteen years, my lord," answered Penelope.
+
+"Sixteen years!" repeated his lordship: "you will hardly recollect
+him. The meeting, I dare say, will be very interesting. And may I ask,
+what time in the day you expect your father?"
+
+"I fear it will be late in the day, my lord, for my father will not
+arrive in London till twelve or one o'clock. His letter tells me that
+he will call soon after that time at your lordship's house in town,
+where he supposes I now am."
+
+"He will be disappointed at not finding you in town," said Lord
+Smatterton.
+
+There was much truth in this last remark of his lordship's. The Earl
+was somewhat remarkable for the intense and unquestionable truth
+of many of his remarks. He was by no means given to what is called
+romancing. Indeed, so exquisitely and unquestionably true was this
+observation, that Penelope thought it needed not the corroboration of
+her assent, but that it must carry conviction to every mind. And so
+it did; and especially to the mind of the Countess, who immediately
+observed: "Perhaps it may be agreeable to Miss Primrose to go to town
+early to-morrow morning for the purpose of meeting her father."
+
+Her ladyship made this proposal because she had no desire to entertain
+Mr Primrose, and she thought that if Penelope was to be taken from her
+patronage at all, the sooner it was done the better. What prodigious
+lies patrons and patronesses do tell when they profess to have no
+other object in view than the welfare and happiness of those whom they
+patronise. The Countess of Smatterton had been pleasing herself with
+the thought that she should be the talk of the season, as producing
+and exhibiting such a prodigy as Miss Primrose; and her ladyship, who
+was very partial to thanks, had been enjoying the anticipation of
+Penelope's overpowering gratitude for such distinguished and desirable
+patronage. But when all these pleasant and agreeable speculations
+seemed to burst like a bubble, then was her ladyship very angry and
+morose; and it was her wish to let Penelope know how deeply the
+disappointment was felt. There were no words however which her ladyship
+could use expressive of her feelings, and at the same time reproachful
+to Miss Primrose. It was not Penelope's fault that her father, after
+an absence of sixteen years, was now returned to England; nor would it
+have been proper and just ground of rebuke that the young lady should
+be pleased at the thought of seeing her father again, and be ready
+to yield herself to his direction in preference to undergoing the
+precarious patronage of the great.
+
+Lady Smatterton was not the less ill-humoured because she had no just
+ground on which she might utter the language of expostulation and
+reproof to Penelope, but on the contrary her anger was greater: for had
+there been an opportunity of indulging in language of reproach, that
+very circumstance would have been a relief and consolation. It was not
+therefore with a very agreeable intonation nor with the accompaniment
+of the most gracious of all possible looks that her ladyship proposed
+that Penelope should go to town to meet her father. But the poor girl
+being happy in her own thoughts, and unconscious of anything done
+or said by her that could be offensive to the Countess, was quite
+unobservant of the harshness of her ladyship's manner, and thought
+only of the substantial kindness of the proposal. To the suggestion of
+the Countess Penelope therefore replied with grateful and pleasurable
+vivacity:
+
+"Your ladyship is extremely kind; and, if it is not giving too much
+trouble, I should certainly be happy to take the earliest opportunity
+of meeting my father."
+
+"It will be giving no trouble," hastily and sharply replied her
+ladyship; "there are coaches to town almost every hour. They will tell
+you in the housekeeper's room what time the first coach goes."
+
+Some high-spirited young ladies would have been mightily indignant
+at a reference from a nobleman's table to the housekeeper's room
+and stage-coaches. But Penelope was not so high-spirited; she was so
+completely occupied with the thought of an early meeting with her
+father, that nothing else was able to obtain possession of her mind.
+
+A momentary pause followed the last observation of the Countess; and
+then, in his own peculiarly majestic manner, the Earl of Smatterton
+said, "I am of opinion that it is not quite proper and suitable for a
+young lady to travel in a stage alone and unprotected."
+
+With exquisite, and as if premeditated, promptitude Lord Spoonbill
+replied, "Certainly not; but there will be no necessity for Miss
+Primrose going alone or in the stage-coach at all. I shall drive up to
+town tomorrow morning, and if the young lady will accept of a seat in
+my gig, I shall be most happy in her company."
+
+Hereupon a general family frowning took place. The Countess frowned at
+the Earl, his lordship frowned at Lord Spoonbill, and Lord Spoonbill
+frowned at the Countess; and if Penelope had not been too polite she
+would have laughed at all three. Lord Spoonbill, however, in spite of
+frowns, determined to have his own way, and seeing that Penelope was
+desirous of going to town, insisted on accompanying her.
+
+The Countess was next puzzled how to part with Miss Primrose; whether
+as concluding that the young lady would not return to her and adopt
+the profession which had been recommended by her ladyship, or as
+admitting the probability that Mr Primrose would not object to the
+public employment of his daughter's musical talents. For with all
+her ladyship's alarm at the return of Mr Primrose to England, it had
+not yet appeared that his return would interfere with her ladyship's
+schemes. The probability however was, that when there was no pecuniary
+necessity for the exercise of these talents, they would not be
+cultivated for public display.
+
+Before the Countess parted from Penelope for the night, her ladyship
+said, "Miss Primrose, as I presume that your father may not object to
+the profession which I have chosen for you, may I ask when it will be
+convenient for you to take lessons previous to your public appearance:
+for it is now time to think of that matter? Of course you know that I
+have engaged a preceptor for you?"
+
+The Countess of Smatterton had more fears than hopes on the subject,
+and as for Penelope herself, she had taken it for granted that the
+return of her father would of course release her from dependence
+on strangers, and consequently render all professional employment
+unnecessary. She was therefore startled at the question, but with
+tolerable promptitude and presence of mind, replied:
+
+"I am grateful for your ladyship's kindness. But, till I have seen my
+father, it is impossible to say when I can begin to apply myself to the
+instruction so kindly provided. I will return as soon as----"
+
+The Countess understood this sentence, and answered with rather more
+asperity than became a kind and condescending patron: "You need not
+trouble yourself to return to me, Miss Primrose, unless you please to
+accept of the instruction that I have provided for you. If I confer
+favours I expect to choose what favours I shall confer."
+
+Penelope made no reply, for her heart was full, and she thought of Mrs
+Greendale; but, under all this, the joy at the thought of her father's
+return kept her spirits from sinking.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+It was a very fine morning when Lord Spoonbill's gig was brought to
+the door to convey Penelope to London. The young lady was joyful even
+to tears. Hers was a joy of such intoxicating and almost bewildering
+nature, that it became necessary for her to exercise some restraint
+over herself, lest she should make herself ridiculous by ungoverned
+prating. Lord Spoonbill was also pleased with the commission which
+he had given to himself, to conduct the young lady to town. But his
+pleasure was mingled with thoughtfulness, and alloyed by meditating
+and contriving. He not been inexperienced in the winning of female
+affection, but he was conscious that there was in the mind of Penelope
+something widely different from and far superior to those with whom his
+former intimacies had been.
+
+Deeply and seriously did he endeavour to revolve in his mind the advice
+which he had received from his friend Erpingham. But his lordship's
+mind was unfortunately too narrow and contracted to afford room for
+anything to turn round in it. He tried and tried, but all to no
+purpose, to understand what Erpingham could possibly mean, when he
+said that a woman is not fit for a wife who can forgive an offer of a
+different description. His lordship, on the contrary, thought that a
+woman is not fit for a wife who is of an unforgiving disposition.
+
+So far indeed as his lordship's own personal feelings were concerned
+he would have had no objection whatever to offer his hand to Miss
+Primrose; an offer which he thought of course could not possibly be
+rejected. But then again he thought of his dignity; and he remembered
+how very severely he had spoken, and how very contemptibly he had
+thought, of some titled individuals who had so far compromised their
+dignity as to marry from the lower orders. Yet there was something so
+elegant and so naturally noble in Penelope's look, manner, expression,
+tone of voice, carriage and person, that nature itself seemed to have
+ennobled her. She seemed fitted for any station in society. This was
+all very true; but Lord Spoonbill could not for all this reconcile his
+mind to the thought of raising Miss Primrose to the exalted rank of
+the Spoonbill family. He was fearful too that the degradation would
+break his mother's heart. All these thoughts, if thoughts they might be
+called, with myriads more of the same complexion and tendency, passed
+through the mind, if mind he had any, of the son and heir of the Right
+Honorable the Earl of Smatterton.
+
+We have said it was a fine morning, and if two of the English nation
+can on such a morning travel together without talking about the
+fineness of the weather, when it is really fine, they are two that we
+have never seen, heard, or read of.
+
+"We have a beautiful morning for our ride, Miss Primrose," said Lord
+Spoonbill.
+
+"Beautiful, indeed," replied Penelope; and she said it with such
+energy, with such heart-bounding glee, as if the sun had never shewn
+her its cloudless face before. And never indeed had it shone so
+brightly before to her. There is something peculiarly and positively
+beautiful in a fine bright day in the midst of winter. The shortness
+of its light adds to its intensity and condenses its interest. But
+when there is sunshine within as well as without, and when the heart
+is young, pure, hopeful and buoyant, then is there felt a revelry of
+delight, a wantonness of happiness. So felt Penelope on this bright
+and brilliant winter's morning. And when there was added to the joyous
+feeling within and to the effect of the spirit-stirring anticipation
+with which she set out on her journey, the bracing and sharpening
+of an almost frosty air, her fine countenance was suffused with as
+brilliant a hue as ever graced the human countenance. As far as life
+excels the art of the sculptor, so far did the countenance of Penelope
+on this morning's journey excel in brightness and beauty its ordinary
+expression. "We are not stocks and stones." So thought Lord Spoonbill
+when he gazed on the lovely one who sat beside him. He almost felt the
+majesty of loveliness, and was almost awed into reverence.
+
+And did not the thought then occur to his lordship, that the scheme
+which he was meditating must of necessity destroy that peace, that
+happiness, that purity, which now formed so lovely and interesting a
+picture? Did not some recollection of beauty prematurely fading, of
+the burning blushes of self-reproach, of the convulsive throbbings
+of breaking hearts, of memory burdened and writhing under the agony
+of thoughts it cannot bear and cannot forget, come into the mind of
+the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill? Did he not recollect poor Ellen,
+lovely in her simplicity, happy in her innocence, the light of her home
+and the joy of her widowed mother's heart? And did he not think of that
+same Ellen dropping the tears of agonizing penitence on that mother's
+dying pillow, and wandering now, for aught he knew to the contrary, a
+houseless, shivering, desolate outcast?
+
+No such thoughts entered his mind. Selfishness and sensuality
+predominated over, or excluded all other feelings. He used all
+the art of which he was master to render himself agreeable to his
+companion during their short journey. He also exerted all his power of
+observation to see whether any symptoms betrayed an interest in him
+on the part of Penelope. But in the brightness of her looks, and the
+joyousness of her features, no other emotions were visible and no other
+thoughts could be read. His lordship was convinced that he could not
+possibly live without her, and he resolved that at all events he would
+make known his admiration by words as well as by looks. Like all the
+rest of the world, preferring his own judgment to the advice of any
+other, he determined that the offer of marriage should be reserved till
+he should ascertain that no other was likely to succeed.
+
+The journey was soon over. They arrived at the Earl of Smatterton's
+town mansion full two hours before it was likely that Mr Primrose
+should be in town. Ten thousand thanks were given by the grateful
+Penelope for the kindness of his lordship, and unnumbered
+acknowledgments of the goodness and condescension of the Earl and
+Countess of Smatterton. Such were the joyous feelings of the young
+lady, that these thanks and acknowledgments were expressed with unusual
+earnestness and warmth of manner; and such was the modesty of Lord
+Spoonbill, that for himself and for his right honorable parents he
+disclaimed all right and title to such a profusion of thanks.
+
+"I beg, Miss Primrose," said his modest lordship, "that you will not
+so overwhelm us with your thanks. We are but too happy in having had it
+in our power to afford you any little accommodation."
+
+"Oh my lord, you are very kind, very kind. But I am almost afraid that
+I have said or done something to offend her ladyship, the Countess;
+for, when I took my leave last night, her ladyship spoke to me as in
+anger. I fear I did wrong in so readily accepting the offer to come to
+town to meet my father."
+
+To the ear of Lord Spoonbill there was something exceedingly graceful
+and musical in the tone with which this language was uttered. There
+is indeed an indescribable beauty in the accents of a grateful mind
+fearful of having offended its benefactor. His lordship was aware of
+his mother's feelings on the subject of the probable loss of Penelope,
+and his lordship was himself also fearful of losing her. But he did
+not use the language of harshness under that apprehension, he sought
+rather to retain her by kindness of expression. Assuming therefore an
+unusual tenderness and considerateness of manner, he took the young
+lady's hand, as if unconsciously, but in truth designedly, and holding
+the hand with sufficient firmness to prevent it being withdrawn, but
+not so as to excite suspicion or thought of intentional seriousness, he
+said:
+
+"I am very sorry that anything which the Countess may have said, has
+given you uneasiness; but my mother has a peculiar earnestness and
+hastiness of manner, that you have mistaken for anger. No one can ever
+be offended with Miss Primrose."
+
+There was a little pause, during which Lord Spoonbill endeavoured to
+catch a glance of the expression of Penelope's countenance, without
+appearing to make any particular observation; and, in this short
+pause, Penelope almost sighed. Lovers delight to hear sighs, and Lord
+Spoonbill was especially pleased at this symptom of emotion in Miss
+Primrose. Retaining her hand therefore, and softening his tone down to
+deeper tenderness, he continued:
+
+"The Countess no doubt will be sorry to lose you, if the return of your
+father necessarily involves that condition. But let us hope that may
+not be the case."
+
+Having thus spoken, his lordship pressed the young lady's hand more
+emphatically, and sighed. Now, by rights, Penelope should at this have
+started up, and suddenly withdrawing her hand, knitting her brows,
+advancing three steps backward and darting a look of indignation at
+his lordship, should have exclaimed, "Unhand me, my lord; what is the
+meaning of this language?" But Penelope neither did nor said anything
+of the kind. For the word 'unhand' was not in her dictionary, and she
+had been too long acquainted with Lord Spoonbill to expect that he
+should be able to explain the meaning of all he said. There was also
+another reason why the young lady did not thus express indignation
+and astonishment; namely, that having no suspicion of the views or
+intentions of his lordship, she did not observe or rightly interpret
+his language and his sigh. In addition to this, it may be also supposed
+that the expectation of her father's arrival had some influence in
+rendering her unobservant of everything else.
+
+Emboldened by the unresisting manner in which Penelope listened to his
+conversation, his lordship proceeded to speak less equivocally, and
+grasping with both his hands the still unremoved hand of Penelope, and
+assuming a look and tone of tenderness, he said:
+
+"Pardon me, Miss Primrose, if I seize this first and perhaps last
+opportunity of avowing how dearly I do love you."
+
+His lordship was about to say much more on the same interesting topic,
+but Miss Primrose interrupted him. The manner in which the interruption
+was given was rather singular, and did not seem at all favorable to his
+lordship's hopes. For, instead of looking serious and frowning and
+attitudinizing, the young lady merely withdrew her hand, and said with
+a smile:
+
+"My lord, I hope you are only jesting; but my feelings are too much
+interested with the thought of presently meeting my father, to allow me
+now even to enter into the humour of a jest."
+
+Thereupon his lordship rose from his seat, laid his hand upon his
+heart, and directed to Miss Primrose a look, which would, on the stage,
+have called down deafening plaudits from the back of the one shilling
+gallery to the front row of the pit, and with indescribable earnestness
+exclaimed, "By heavens, Miss Primrose, I am serious!"
+
+To that declaration the young lady replied seriously, "Then, my lord, I
+am very sorry to hear it."
+
+Thus speaking, Penelope went towards the window, leaving his lordship
+to think what he should say next. The enamoured hereditary legislator
+then, undaunted by the smiles or frowns of Miss Primrose, followed the
+young lady to the window, and in less impassioned but mildly persuasive
+tones continued his address, saying:
+
+"Miss Primrose, may I request of you the favor to hear me?"
+
+"Certainly, my lord," replied Penelope, "if you will hear me
+first."
+
+"Most willingly," replied his lordship.
+
+"Then, my lord," continued Penelope, "I must be permitted to say that
+I feel very much hurt and surprised at what you have already said.
+You have recalled to my mind thoughts that I would willingly have
+forgotten; this allusion will suffice to let your lordship understand
+the state of my feelings. I hope you will forbear the unpleasant
+discussion. Indeed"--here her voice was feebler, and her lip quivered,
+and the full tear was in her eyes, and her whole frame trembled, but
+she did not look the less lovely for this emotion; summoning an effort,
+she continued, "For mercy's sake, my lord, let me meet my father as
+composedly as I possibly can. In less than an hour he will be here.
+Pray do not rob our meeting of its happiness."
+
+In saying this she threw herself into the nearest chair, and covering
+her face with her handkerchief she sobbed and wept, and in spite of
+herself thought of Robert Darnley. The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill
+also sat down, and thought of Nick Muggins and the indescribable pony.
+But his lordship neither wept nor blushed. We record this fact rather
+for its truth than its beauty. It seems indeed an encouragement to such
+sparks as, in their transgressions, sometimes feel remorse; for it is
+as much as to say that, by practice, they will become so familiarized
+with meanness and cruelty as to cease to feel ashamed of them.
+
+His lordship for a few minutes was silent. But as soon as Penelope
+was a little more composed, he said; "I am very much concerned,
+Miss Primrose, for the uneasiness which I have occasioned you, and
+so far from wishing to interrupt the happiness of your meeting with
+your father I will retire, that you may compose yourself. Only let me
+request that I may have the honor of being introduced to Mr Primrose
+after your first meeting is over."
+
+This was all very rational and proper, and the kind, considerate manner
+in which it was spoken pleased Penelope very much, and she made her
+acknowledgments for the kindness with so much grace as to fascinate his
+lordship more than ever. He thought he had never seen so lovely and
+interesting a creature in his life. He apologized for having introduced
+such a subject so inopportunely, and attributed it solely to the fear
+that the arrival of her father might preclude him from speaking on the
+subject at a future time.
+
+When the poor girl was left alone, it was no easy matter for her to
+arrange her scattered thoughts and to bring herself back to that state
+of holiday extasy with which she had begun the day. Nor was much
+time afforded her for the purpose; for, not many minutes after the
+departure of Lord Spoonbill, the arrival of Mr Primrose was announced.
+There seemed to Penelope to be scarcely any interval between hearing a
+carriage stop at the door, and finding herself embraced in the arms of
+her long lost father.
+
+Over a scene like this all modest dramatists would drop the curtain,
+knowing that imagination would be rather impeded than assisted by
+farther exhibition.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+To continue that reference to the drama with which the preceding
+chapter was concluded, it may be remarked that, when the curtain has
+fallen thus abruptly on one scene, the spectators do not anticipate
+that, on its being drawn up again, the eye should be greeted with any
+continuation of that scene; but rather do they look for some great and
+decided transition. Our readers therefore will not now be surprised if
+we take them back again to Neverden and Smatterton. They are pleasant
+villages, and their inhabitants are for the most part unartificial
+people.
+
+It is a fact worthy of notice, and we have no doubt that our observant
+readers have already remarked it, that all the personages in those
+two villages of whom we have yet spoken, have had that delectable and
+pleasing feeling of their own importance, by which they have considered
+that the world has been under infinite obligations to them. To have
+that feeling strongly and genuinely, is a real happiness; and if there
+has ever been any human being whom we have envied, it has been P. P.,
+clerk of this parish, especially while he was writing his own memoirs.
+To endeavour to rob any one of this sense, is cruel, heart-rendingly
+cruel and barbarous; but fortunately for human happiness, this robbery
+cannot easily be effected.
+
+But though the good people of these villages had this feeling in a very
+high and pure degree, yet it is not altogether confined to them; and
+if the Reverend Mr Darnley, in his vigintennial visits to London, has
+been rather angry and offended at the rude behaviour of the people in
+the streets who have jostled and driven against him, without having
+the grace to move their hats to him, that self-same Mr Darnley has
+in his turn inflicted upon a distinguished inhabitant of the great
+metropolis as serious a mortification as his reverence experienced from
+metropolitan neglect.
+
+We have introduced to our readers the Rev. Charles Pringle; we have
+now to introduce that gentleman's first-cousin, Zephaniah Pringle,
+Esq. This illustrious personage was not a native, but had long been an
+inhabitant, of the great metropolis, and, according to his own view of
+the matter, a great ornament to it. He was a literary man. He had been
+destined by his parents for agricultural pursuits, but his genius was
+above them. The circumstances, the trifling circumstances, which tend
+to develope the powers of the mind and to direct the energies into
+their proper channel, are always worthy of notice. Everybody knows the
+story of Sir Isaac Newton and the apple. But everybody does not know,
+but soon will know, the circumstances which made Zephaniah Pringle a
+critic.
+
+When Zephaniah was about twelve years old he was taken to Smatterton by
+his father, who had to make a call of business on Mr Kipperson. While
+Mr Pringle and Mr Kipperson were engaged in looking at some cattle
+which the latter had to dispose of, young Pringle was gaping about
+in the library, and admiring with great veneration all its literary
+wonders; but that which most powerfully arrested his attention was
+a plaister bust of Dr Johnson. And when the agricultural gentlemen
+returned to the library, Zephaniah, pointing to the bust, said,
+"Father, was that there thick-headed man a heathen philosopher?"
+
+Mr Kipperson, who was pleased with the young gentleman's manifestation
+of a taste for literature and philosophy, kindly corrected the
+misapprehension of the youth, and said, "No, my lad, the heathen
+philosophers did not wear wigs. That is a bust of Dr Johnson, the
+celebrated critic and lexicographer."
+
+Zephaniah, with open mouth and expanded eyes, stared his thanks to Mr
+Kipperson, who immediately asked the young gentleman if he was fond of
+reading. To which he replied in the affirmative. Whereupon Mr Kipperson
+kindly lent the youth Boswell's Life of Dr Johnson.
+
+From that moment young Pringle felt an irresistible impulse to become
+a man of letters; and with a view to gratify that ambition, his father
+was kind enough to let him have another quarter's Latin, in order to
+give him an opportunity to perfect himself in classical literature.
+
+Thus qualified, the young man in due time went up to London. In the
+great metropolis he soon divested himself of the rusticity of his
+manners, and after some few failures in the first instance, for want
+of knowing the proper knack of writing, he soon acquired a tolerable
+facility, and absolutely once wrote something that was talked
+about. From that moment he never saw two people talking together in
+a bookseller's shop, without fancying that they were talking about
+Zephaniah Pringle.
+
+He took great pains to imitate Dr Johnson; but his literary companions
+detected him and laughed at him. He had but a slender frame and a
+slender voice; and when he attempted the oracular and the pompous
+style, it was like playing the Hallelujah Chorus on a fife. He could
+not adopt the doctor's Jacobitism, but he took instead of that a double
+extra super-Eldon high Toryism. And in religion, not that he ever went
+to church, he was decidedly of opinion that all dissenters and Roman
+Catholics were convinced that the church of England was the only true
+church, but that they would not conform merely out of spite. It was
+his opinion that the Duke of Wellington would never have driven the
+French out of Spain, had he not always made a point of hearing all his
+soldiers every day say the church catechism.
+
+He had a praiseworthy and prodigious horror of gymnastics; they came
+from Greece, and the ancient Greeks were republicans. In his notion of
+mechanics' institutes he was exceedingly ungrateful to Mr Kipperson,
+who patronized him and them too; and when Mr Kipperson once proposed
+to establish a mechanics' institute at Smatterton for the benefit of
+the agricultural operatives, this Zephaniah Pringle had the impudence
+to write him a long letter on the subject, accusing him of a design to
+subvert the established church, and convert England into a republic. Mr
+Kipperson gave up the scheme, not because of this letter, but because,
+when he assembled the people of the village in one of his barns to read
+them a lecture on hydrostatics, every soul of them fell fast asleep.
+
+There was another subject on which Mr Zephaniah Pringle had very strong
+opinions,--viz. West India slavery. He very properly laughed at the
+absurdity of supposing that negroes have the slightest objection
+to be flogged to death; and he knew that the only object which the
+abolitionists had in view, was to overturn the established church.
+
+Mr Zephaniah Pringle had a most exquisite conceit of his own
+superlative wisdom and penetration. This gentleman must have
+experienced therefore a sensation of great delight in taking his
+important self down to Smatterton to visit Mr Kipperson and surprise
+the natives. But how great must have been his astonishment, when
+introduced by Mr Kipperson at the rectory of Neverden, to find that Mr
+Darnley the elder had never heard of the name and fame of Zephaniah
+Pringle. He consoled himself, however, with the reflection, that many
+other names great as his own were equally unknown to this obscure
+village parson.
+
+Finding that the young ladies of Mr Darnley's family were addicted to
+reading, the critic kindly administered his gratuitous and unasked
+commentaries on divers modern and ancient authors. He astonished the
+daughters of the rector of Neverden by opinions hitherto unheard
+and unthought of. The confidence of his manner passed for wisdom and
+decided apprehension of the subjects on which he spoke; and as he took
+care to let it be thoroughly understood that all who differed from him
+were fools, and as literary young ladies do not like to be considered
+fools, they of course assented to Zephaniah Pringle's opinions on
+literary topics.
+
+In his conversation with Mr Darnley the younger he found that,
+by talking literature, he did not seem to magnify himself to his
+heart's content; for Robert Darnley did not believe that critics
+were conjurors. The genius then had recourse to talk concerning
+those persons of high style and dignity with whom he had the honor
+to be acquainted. Among other great names, he mentioned that of Lord
+Smatterton, and the scarcely less illustrious name of Lord Spoonbill.
+
+"You are acquainted then with Lord Spoonbill?" said Robert Darnley.
+
+"Oh yes, perfectly well," replied the critic.
+
+"And pray what kind of man is this Lord Spoonbill? for, though the
+family resides in the next village, I am totally unacquainted with
+them."
+
+"Lord Spoonbill himself is the best creature in the world. The Earl
+of Smatterton is a proud, haughty man, like the rest of the Whig
+aristocracy."
+
+"Then Lord Spoonbill is not so very proud?"
+
+"I cannot say that Lord Spoonbill is altogether without pride. He has
+very high notions; but his manner is not pompous like his father's. And
+he can be very agreeable, though he is by no means a man of any great
+share of intellect."
+
+"I have heard him spoken of," replied Robert Darnley, "as being a
+very profligate man."
+
+"I believe," said the critic, "he is rather gay, but not more so than
+most young men of his rank. The finest joke in the world is, that
+his father, the Earl of Smatterton, thinks that he is one of the
+gravest and steadiest young men of the age, and quotes him as such
+accordingly. But the fact is, that his lordship has lately taken under
+his protection a lady, now received at Lord Smatterton's table."
+
+Robert Darnley could not believe his own senses. The language which
+he now heard from Zephaniah Pringle seemed to allude plainly enough
+to Penelope, but it could not be possible, he thought, that a young
+lady of such high and pure spirit as Miss Primrose could ever submit
+to an arrangement so truly humiliating. Suppressing and concealing his
+agitation as well as he could, he endeavoured to ascertain from the man
+of letters what was really the fact concerning Lord Spoonbill and this,
+as yet unnamed, young lady.
+
+"Surely, Mr Pringle, you do not mean to say that Lord Spoonbill has
+a lady in keeping, whom he introduces to his father's table? This is
+really beyond all credence."
+
+"But indeed, sir, I do mean it," replied Zephaniah the critic: "and,
+if you have never heard the story, I can tell you all the particulars."
+
+"It is no business of mine," said Darnley, "but I do feel curious
+to know the particulars of so very singular a case, as a young man
+bringing a kept lady to his father's own table."
+
+"It is not altogether so," replied Mr Pringle; "but I will tell you
+exactly how the case stands; I know Spoonbill very intimately."
+
+This last expression was uttered as everybody would naturally suppose
+such an expression would be uttered by such a man. After thoroughly
+enjoying the high and refined satisfaction of having said, "I know
+Spoonbill very intimately," the loyal and religious critic proceeded:
+
+"You must remember old Greendale, the rector of Smatterton, who was my
+cousin's predecessor in the living. He died a very short time before
+you returned from India. This old man had a very pretty niece, you
+know; you must remember her, for I understand that she lived with old
+Dr Greendale from her infancy."
+
+"Oh, certainly," said Darnley, with much effort concealing the
+agitation which he felt; "I remember her very well, her name is
+Primrose; but you surely do not mean to say that Miss Primrose is
+living under the protection of Lord Spoonbill?"
+
+Hereupon Mr Pringle did somewhat hesitate and say, "Why, why--I cannot
+exactly say that--that she is absolutely living under his protection.
+She is rather living under the protection of Lady Smatterton as yet.
+You perhaps may not know that Miss Primrose has a remarkably fine
+voice, and is in fact a first-rate vocalist: now Lady Smatterton is a
+great patroness of musical talent, and has taken a fancy to bring Miss
+Primrose out this season as a public singer, and Lord Spoonbill has
+made proposals, which I believe have been accepted by the lady; and she
+is to be under his lordship's protection as soon as she leaves Lord
+Smatterton's house, and that will be very soon. That is the true state
+of the case. I wonder you have never heard of it before; for though
+you have been from India a very short time, yet in country places
+intelligence flies very rapidly."
+
+"Well, you astonish me," said Mr Darnley the younger; "I could not
+have thought that a young lady, brought up by such an exemplary and
+virtuous man as the late Dr Greendale, should ever condescend to live
+upon those terms with the first nobleman in the kingdom."
+
+"Oh, sir," replied the knowing critic, "you do not understand the
+heart, especially the female heart. There is something in title and
+splendour so fascinating to the weaker sex, that few can resist its
+influence. I have observed and studied the human mind in all its
+various attitudes, and I have lived in the world long enough to cease
+to be astonished at anything I hear or see. In such an outlandish place
+as India you see nothing and learn nothing. London is the only place
+where the human character can be thoroughly and properly studied."
+
+Much more to the same purpose did the fluent cousin of the new rector
+of Smatterton say to the son of the rector of Neverden. But Robert
+Darnley heard him and heeded him not. Deeply did the intelligence
+concerning Penelope sink into his mind, and painfully did he revolve
+the idle gossip of the loyal and religious critic, who had properly
+and thoroughly studied human nature, in his lodgings in Fetter lane,
+Holborn.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+The day which followed immediately after the above-mentioned
+conversation, was destined for a grand dinner party at the mansion
+of Sir George Aimwell, Bart. Preparations were made for a splendid
+entertainment. It was not an easy matter to get together a large
+party in that neighbourhood without admitting to the table some
+individuals of dubious dignity. There was, for instance, the equivocal
+Mr Kipperson, at once landlord and tenant, gentleman and farmer; but
+then he was so zealous a friend to the interest of agriculture. He was
+so thoroughly enlightened on the corn question, that the great men of
+Smatterton and Neverden could not but respect him. Sir George Aimwell
+also liked Mr Kipperson, because he was a bad shot, and had so ardent a
+zeal against poachers.
+
+This party was assembled, among other objects, for the purpose of
+welcoming to England the son of the rector of Neverden. But Robert
+Darnley was by no means in spirits for the enjoyment of festivity. He
+was sorry for what he had heard from Zephaniah Pringle, and he was
+angry that he was sorry, and then again sorry that he was angry.
+
+It had been unfortunate for him that there had been such silence
+observed on the subject of his correspondence and acquaintance with
+Penelope. Scarcely any one but the parties concerned knew anything
+of the matter. Mr Kipperson suspected it, and the Smatterton family
+had been informed of it by Mr Darnley, because the reverend gentleman
+thought it but respectful to let them into the secret. As for Sir
+George Aimwell, he scarcely knew or thought of anything, except
+administering justice and killing birds. The Reverend Charles Pringle,
+rector of Smatterton, was also quite unaware of the existence of any
+correspondence between Robert Darnley and Penelope Primrose. No wonder
+then that, under the present awkward circumstances, and with the false
+account which Zephaniah, the critic, had brought from London, there
+should be in the hearing of Robert Darnley much conversation by no
+means agreeable to his feelings, or soothing to his mind.
+
+When the party began to assemble they began also to talk: but at the
+first their talk was very desultory and common-place. The worthy
+baronet was congratulated by Mr Kipperson on having caught a poacher,
+and was condoled with by the same gentleman on having lost almost his
+whole brood of pheasants. It is astonishing that any one can be so
+simple as not to see that pheasants were obviously created to be shot
+by gentlemen and noblemen only, or their gamekeepers. There was also
+much talk about horses and dogs, and the poor-rates, and Mr Malthus,
+and parish settlements, and the agricultural interest.
+
+It is very erroneously stated by many persons, both in writing
+and in speaking, that the period between the first arrival of the
+company and the serving up of the dinner is most weary, stale, flat
+and unprofitable. But as there is no spot of earth so barren as not
+to produce some curiosity to reward the toil and gratify the taste
+of the botanist, so there is no attitude or condition of our being
+which may not yield some fruit of instruction and amusement to the
+moral botanist. We deserve the thanks of our readers for much that
+we communicate in the way of information and amusement, but perhaps
+for nothing so much as for directing their attention to the great and
+valuable truth, that even the usually-considered dreary half hour
+before dinner is not absolutely barren and worthless. Peradventure
+also, by directing the attention to this matter, we may prevent many a
+dinner from being spoiled, because we thus present a strong inducement
+to an early arrival. He that arrives first is pretty certain that the
+rest of the company can have no opportunity of pulling his character
+to pieces behind his back. For when the host expresses to the rest of
+his party his wonder that Mr Smith is not come, then the good people
+who are hungry and impatient begin to talk about Mr Smith, and they use
+him ungently, treating his transgressions with no candour, and honoring
+his virtues with no encomium. There is also something very curious in
+observing the different effects which dining produces on different
+persons. Some will enter the drawing-room brimfull of intelligence,
+telling everybody everything that everybody knows, and nobody cares
+about. There are people who entertain the strange notion that tongues
+were made to talk about mere matters of fact; and when they have said
+their say, they are silent for the rest of the evening. There are again
+others who, before dinner, look as wise and as stupid as owls; who seem
+at a most painful loss what to do with their hands, or their feet,
+or their eyes; who having no motive to look at one object in the room
+more than at another, let their eyes roll unmeaningly and incessantly
+about as if they were endeavouring to keep them open without looking
+at anything. But when these apparently inanimate imitations of Chinese
+Mandarins have had their dinner, their looks are brightened and
+their tongues loosened, and as before dinner they seemed as if they
+were wishing most ardently for an opportunity to simper at something
+which might be said by another, they after dinner give forth that
+which interests and delights. The period before dinner is also one
+of great importance for the exhibition of personal decoration. Then,
+and then only, has dress its right display, and its full complement
+of observers. In this brief digression it is impossible to enter into
+one half, or one twentieth of the particulars which may interest and
+delight an observant mind. "Sermons in stones and good in everything,"
+is one of the most true and most valuable expressions which the pen of
+Shakspeare ever wrote. But to proceed.
+
+There was, as we have said above, much miscellaneous talk before dinner
+at this "grand miscellaneous" entertainment, given by Sir George
+Aimwell. Mr Kipperson strutted about the room with his hands in his
+pockets, looking as wise as a conjuror and as pleased as Punch, saying
+something scientific or agricultural to every one there. The Reverend
+Charles Pringle made his appearance also time enough to show the
+company how possible it was to violate the decorum of clerical attire
+without actually transgressing the literal regulations. Lady Aimwell
+received much of that gentleman's polite attention; and the daughters
+of Mr Darnley were also not unnoticed. The new rector of Smatterton
+was very clever at conundrums, some new ones of his own making were
+graciously communicated to the young ladies. Zephaniah Pringle, the
+critic, was pleased to look very important, and to feel his dignity and
+intellectuality mightily hurt, because the talk, such as it was, had
+no interest for him. He was much at a loss to think how it was possible
+for human beings to take an interest in such unintellectual things as
+corn, cattle, game and poor-laws; and he thought the people were great
+blockheads because they talked about what concerned themselves. Robert
+Darnley received the congratulations of his friends; but he received
+them coldly, for his mind was not at ease.
+
+Now after much talk, miscellaneous and desultory, several of the party,
+while yet they were waiting for dinner, congregated together at one of
+the windows, and their talk was almost in whispers. Zephaniah Pringle
+was one of that select committee, and he was speaking very gravely and
+very knowingly, and Sir George Aimwell was looking as much as to say,
+"I am very sorry for it." Mr Darnley the elder was also one of the
+whispering group, and looked as serious and solemn as any one of them;
+and every now and then he turned his eyes suspiciously and inquiringly
+towards his son. The young gentleman more than suspected what was the
+subject of their discourse; and as the rector of Neverden was the only
+one of the party who had any suspicion of the interest which Robert
+Darnley took in the person concerning whom the discussion was made,
+they did not very carefully subdue and suppress their voices, but they
+spoke loudly enough to be heard in their whispering, and the name of
+Primrose was heard by Robert Darnley, and in spite of his high spirit
+he felt sick at heart. And though he felt little appetite for dinner,
+he was glad of the announcement, which relieved him from hearing, or
+rather fancying that he heard, talk that told of the shame of Penelope.
+
+Oh, that our pen could write strongly as our heart feels against those
+villanous, viper-souled, low-minded, merciless reptiles, who, from
+motives too grovelling and dirty to be analyzed, impertinently by their
+ill-digested calumnies, mutilate and mangle the fairest reputation,
+and sully the purest characters. Never can such vermin be sufficiently
+punished or adequately vituperated, for they are absolutely incapable
+of feeling such racking mental agonies as they inflict on others.
+What could such a heartless puppy as Zephaniah Pringle feel of mental
+and heart-rending agony, compared with that which Robert Darnley
+experienced, when he had reason to think that the high-minded,
+clear-souled Penelope, whom he had loved for her purity, her moral as
+well as personal beauty, had so far forgotten all good feelings and
+all high thoughts as to sink down into a character for which refined
+language has no name?
+
+The baronet's table was splendidly covered, and the guests were as
+well pleased in demolishing as the cook had been in constructing and
+compiling the various specimens of culinary art. Sir George Aimwell
+paid, as was proper, especial attention to Robert Darnley, and
+endeavoured to draw the young man into conversation, or, more properly
+speaking, to provoke him into narrative. To such questions as were
+asked he gave an ample and intelligent answer, but he proceeded no
+further; he did not seem desirous to obtrude himself upon the attention
+of the company.
+
+Table-talk was by no means the forte of the worthy baronet; but when
+he had a party he generally exerted himself: and as he was very well
+aware that, in his own proper person, and from his own peculiar stores,
+he was by no means a man of talk, he very considerately endeavoured to
+set in motion other tongues than his own. On the present occasion he
+thought, that as Mr Robert Darnley had been long abroad, he would most
+likely be best able to entertain the guests. But when the hospitable
+host observed how very slowly and reluctantly the young man brought
+out the stores of his information, he next directed his attention to
+Zephaniah Pringle, who was not so reserved. He spoke fluently, and
+readily, and oracularly. Sir George, though not a man of letters, was
+ready enough to indulge his guests, or to suffer them, if they would,
+to indulge themselves, with literary conversation; and it was a great
+happiness to Zephaniah Pringle to let the inhabitants of Smatterton
+and Neverden know how great a man was in their company. Yet there was
+a little abatement from the purity and intensity of that enjoyment,
+in the observing how inapt they seemed to be in comprehending which
+were the first publications of the day, and which were productions of
+inferior note. Some of the party asked strange things about reviews and
+magazines, and Zephaniah was astonished that there should be in any
+part of Great Britain such complete, total darkness, and intellectual
+neglect, as that his own peculiar periodical should be altogether
+unknown even by name. He attributed their ignorance to mere spite, or
+thought that Lord Smatterton, being a Whig, had made it a point to
+conceal from his country neighbours the existence of that periodical,
+which, by the means of pastry-cooks and tobacconists, had an immense
+circulation in the metropolis. The daughters of Mr Darnley listened
+with much reverence to the oracles of Zephaniah the critic, and they
+thought him prodigiously wise, because he thought differently from
+everybody else. They asked his opinion of every book which they
+remembered having read: and they endeavoured to persuade themselves to
+entertain the same opinions as he did.
+
+If our readers imagine that, from what we have said concerning
+the daughters of the rector of Neverden, these young ladies were
+superficial simpletons, we are desirous of removing such impression.
+They were not conceitedly confident in their own judgment; and, as they
+were not much in the way of seeing or hearing literary pretenders and
+intellectual quacks, they gave Zephaniah Pringle credit for all that he
+assumed. They did not think very highly of themselves, and therefore
+they readily yielded assent to the oracles of one who appeared so
+competent and able to give an opinion. Many others, besides the
+daughters of Mr Darnley, have been at a first, or even second interview
+with Zephaniah, very greatly deceived as to the height, the depth, and
+the breadth, of the critic's understanding.
+
+This part of our narrative, though not directly tending to the
+developement of the history, we could not consent to pass by unnoticed;
+for though it may not be very entertaining, it is instructive, and
+it affords us an opportunity of giving a valuable hint to our young
+readers. The hint to which we allude, is to caution them against too
+much modesty. Only suppose, for instance, that such an empty-headed
+coxcomb as Zephaniah Pringle had entertained a fair opinion of his own
+understanding, or that he had underrated his own intellectual powers
+and stores, who would ever have found out that he was superior to what
+he assumed? Who would have taken the trouble to urge him to assume a
+higher rank? Not one. But now that he set himself up for a great one,
+who was to detect the hollowness of his pretensions? Not above one in
+a hundred. And who would take the trouble to expose him? Not one in a
+thousand. And who would take notice of the exposure? Not one in ten
+thousand.
+
+In our next edition we will cancel this last paragraph, if we find
+that modesty has ever made its owner rich or celebrated. Modesty is
+certainly very much to be praised, and if we were candidate for any
+situation of honor or emolument, or even for a good seat in a theatre,
+we should very much approve of the modesty of such as, having power to
+rival us, would meekly and quietly stand out of our way.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+During the night which followed the grand dinner given by Sir George
+Aimwell, Robert Darnley scarcely slept a single hour. He retired to
+his apartment full of bitter and distracting thoughts, almost tempted
+to believe that there was truth in the foul libels that thoughtless
+blockheads have uttered and written concerning the gentler sex. He said
+to himself, "Frailty! thy name is woman." He was so grieved, so pierced
+to the heart's core, that he forgot for a while all that he had heard,
+read, or witnessed of woman's devout affection, unwearied kindness,
+heroic attachment, and moral sublimity. And he thought not of the
+patience with which woman bears the peevishness of our infancy, the
+selfishness of our riper years, and the capricious fretfulness of our
+declining age. He was for a while angry and contemptuous, professing
+to himself an indifference which he did not feel, and fancying
+himself superior to that weakness under which he was writhing and
+labouring in bitter agony. Then there was a change in the complexion
+of his thoughts, and as the angry passions yielded to the approaching
+drowsiness which health must periodically experience, more tender and
+more gentle thoughts subdued him. The eyelids were scarcely closed,
+when imagination threw her rainbow light on past days, and there stood
+before him, not quite in a dream, the image of Penelope--lovely,
+bright, and living. The momentary vision melted him, and the effort
+to retain it banished it. Slowly his slumbers crept again upon him,
+and the vision was more distinct, and he could hear again that sweet
+voice with which he had been enraptured, and there was in his heart a
+repetition of that swell of feeling with which he had years ago taken
+his leave of her. So passed the night.
+
+When morning came again, it found the young man unrefreshed and
+unrested. But in the family of the rector of Neverden there was
+great regularity and punctuality. Robert Darnley therefore made his
+appearance at breakfast at the usual hour. It was impossible not to
+see that his mind was painfully disturbed, and it was also equally
+impossible not to conjecture the cause of its agitation.
+
+A very unpleasant restraint sat upon the whole party. Mr Darnley the
+elder would not speak on the subject of his son's altered appearance,
+and Mrs Darnley and her daughters were reluctant to introduce any
+mention of the matter, unsanctioned by Mr Darnley. The hour of
+breakfast was usually to that family a season of social and cheerful
+talk, but on the present occasion there was silence and restraint; and
+as they abstained from addressing themselves to Robert, they also
+abstained from talking to one another. When breakfast was over Mr
+Darnley desired his son's presence in the study.
+
+Robert Darnley knew he was destined to undergo a lecture, and he braced
+himself up to bear it with filial resignation. The young man's father
+prided himself on the fluency with which he could talk in the way of
+admonition, and we believe that he derived almost as much pleasure from
+these exhibitions as his auditors did profit. Sir George Aimwell used
+to say, that instead of sending poachers to gaol, it would be a better
+plan to send them to Mr Darnley to be talked to; for the worthy baronet
+thought that they would not readily expose themselves to the risk of
+a second infliction. Those of our readers who have never been talked
+to will not be able to sympathize with Robert Darnley; those who have,
+will pity him from the bottom of their hearts.
+
+The young man promptly obeyed his father's commands and delayed not to
+attend him in the study; for he naturally supposed that the sooner the
+lecture began the sooner it would be over. The father seated himself
+and desired his son to shut the door and seat himself too. These
+preliminary steps having been taken, and Mr Darnley having stirred and
+arranged the fire so amply as to preclude the necessity of any more
+attention to it for some time, thus began:
+
+"Robert, my dear boy, I wish to have some little talk with you. I have
+not had much opportunity of speaking to you since you came home. Now,
+you know, I can have no other object in view than your welfare. I do
+not desire you to follow the advice I may give you, unless you are
+convinced of its propriety. You know of course what I am now alluding
+to--your unhappy attachment to that unfortunate young woman, Miss
+Primrose. For my part, I cannot say that I altogether approved of it
+in the first instance; but I said nothing. I knew the impetuosity of
+your character and the obstinacy of your disposition, and therefore
+I concluded that opposition might do more harm than good. I hoped
+that, in time, your own good sense would let you see that it was not
+a suitable connexion for you. I do not say indeed that I have ever
+observed anything absolutely improper in the conduct of Miss Primrose;
+but I must be permitted to say, that there was too much pride in her
+manner, considering her station and expectations. Of the young woman's
+father I knew comparatively nothing, except that he had gambled away
+his property and broken his wife's heart. Mr Primrose did call here,
+as you know; but I must confess to you I was not much pleased with his
+manners. I was under the disagreeable necessity of rebuking him for
+taking the name of the Lord in vain. As for the young woman herself,
+of course you must relinquish all thoughts of her after what you have
+heard from Mr Pringle. Now let me advise you to banish her from your
+mind at once. I am sorry to see that your thoughts are still too much
+dwelling upon her. You make your mother and your sisters and me very
+uncomfortable by these gloomy looks. Why can you not be cheerful as you
+used to be? What have you to regret? You ought rather to be grateful
+that you have been rescued from such a marriage, and that it cannot
+be said that the dissolution of the acquaintance arose from your own
+caprice. I think that the young woman did not manifest a very great
+sense of propriety when she so readily adopted the profession of a
+public singer. And what would the world say, should the report ever get
+abroad, that my son was desirous of marrying a public singer? I gave
+the young woman all the good advice I possibly could; but I fear it
+will be of no use to her. There were such very strong manifestations of
+her partiality for that profligate young man, Lord Spoonbill, that I am
+not at all surprised at what I hear from Mr Pringle. Now all that I can
+say is, that if after this you can retain any regard for Miss Primrose,
+you do not shew yourself a man of sense and prudence."
+
+Here Mr Darnley paused, not because he was out of breath, for he spoke
+very slowly and deliberately, but because he thought that he had said
+enough to induce his son to relinquish the thought of Penelope, and to
+make himself mightily happy under his disappointment. But it certainly
+is very provoking, after living three years or more in expectation of
+receiving the hand and heart of a lovely, amiable, and intelligent
+young lady, to find at last that all this bright anticipation is come
+to nought. It had been painful to Robert Darnley that several of his
+later communications had been unanswered; but he would not suffer that
+circumstance alone to weigh with him, considering it possible that the
+fault was in the irregular transmission of letters. When he came back
+to England and heard that Miss Primrose was in London with the Earl of
+Smatterton's family, it appeared obvious enough that she had considered
+the correspondence as having ceased. But still it was not clear to the
+young man's entire satisfaction that this had been a voluntary act on
+the part of Penelope. It was possible that his letters might not have
+reached their destination, and that Miss Primrose might be regarding
+him as the faithless one. Such was his spirit, that he would not rest
+under the imputation of such conduct, and he resolved to take the
+earliest opportunity of coming to an explanation. When, however, in
+addition to all that he had heard from his own family of the partiality
+manifested by Penelope for Lord Spoonbill, he heard also the tale told
+by Zephaniah Pringle, he wavered and hesitated. It was not probable, he
+thought, that such rumours could be totally unfounded, and it comported
+but too well with what Mr Darnley had already said.
+
+The distress of mind which Robert Darnley suffered, and that gloominess
+of look which his father reprobated and lectured him upon, did not
+arise so much from the mere loss of Penelope, as from the harassing
+doubts to which he was exposed by the conflicting of external and
+internal evidence. It is a painful thing to doubt, because it is
+humiliating, and seems to question our discernment. It is also very
+perplexing to the mind when it sees evidence enough to prove that which
+it feels to be impossible, or very unlikely. In this dilemma Robert
+Darnley had been placed by what he had heard of Penelope Primrose. He
+knew, or at least very firmly believed her to be of decided character,
+good principle and high spirit. He felt it impossible that she should
+love a profligate or a blockhead, and he knew Lord Spoonbill to be
+both. But it was very clear that she was with Lord Smatterton's family,
+and that she had certainly contemplated the public exercise of her
+musical talents.
+
+To his fathers discourse therefore he listened with unresisting
+patience, and only replied when it was finished; "I can only say, sir,
+that if what Mr Pringle has said concerning Miss Primrose be true, I
+have been very much deceived in the estimate which I had formed of the
+young lady's mind and character."
+
+"Certainly you were," replied his father; "you are a young man and
+have seen but little of human nature. You are hasty, very hasty, in
+forming your judgment. You will grow wiser as you grow older. Now I was
+not deceived in Miss Primrose. I could see her real character. I always
+thought her very proud and vain and conceited. But she laboured under
+great disadvantages in her education. Her uncle was a worthy man, but
+he was a mere scholar, by no means a man of the world. And as for Mrs
+Greendale, she is a very weak woman."
+
+Robert Darnley knew his father too well to contradict him directly
+in anything which he might be pleased to assert; he therefore only
+ventured in a very circuitous way to insinuate the possibility that
+Mr Zephaniah Pringle might be erroneously informed, and that there
+might be some mistake or misapprehension. But the worthy rector of
+Neverden was not able to bear the slightest approach to contradiction
+or opposition. He had lived so long in absolute authority in his own
+house and parish, that he was perfectly sincere in believing that he
+could never be wrong and ought never to be contradicted. He therefore
+contributed very considerably to shorten the discussion, by saying:
+
+"You are of age, and of course may do as you please; but, if you will
+condescend to take my advice, you will think no more of Miss Primrose.
+At all events, it is my particular request that I may hear no more of
+her."
+
+To this the young gentleman bowed respectfully. Now it does not appear
+to us that Mr Darnley adopted the best plan in the world to set his
+son's heart at rest. Nor did Robert Darnley find any great alleviation
+in what his father had been pleased to say concerning Penelope's actual
+situation and real character. It also occurred to the young gentleman's
+mind, that his father had superfluously and unnecessarily quoted the
+fact of Mr Primrose having used irreverent and thoughtless language.
+It is not indeed, generally speaking, advisable to bring every possible
+accusation against an offending one; for by so doing we make known our
+own pettishness or malignity quite as much as we display the sins of
+the accused. If Miss Primrose had been in other respects a suitable
+wife for Robert Darnley, the fact that her father had spoken hastily
+and unadvisedly, would not have rendered her unsuitable. And if the
+situation of Penelope had been such as it had been represented by Mr
+Pringle, then there was quite enough to set Robert Darnley's mind at
+rest upon the subject, without quoting Mr Primrose's transgressions.
+
+The disappointed lover had no sooner finished the task of hearing his
+father's lecture, than he was destined to undergo a gabblement from
+his mother and sisters. Mrs Darnley was a worthy good creature as
+ever lived; but she would talk, and that not always consequentially.
+She always however meant well, though she might be clumsy in the
+manifestation of her well-meaning.
+
+"Well, Robert,"--thus began Mrs Darnley,--"and so your father has
+been talking to you about poor Penelope Primrose. What a pity it is that
+such a nice young woman should turn out so. I really could hardly
+believe my senses when I first heard of it. Dear me, what a favorite
+she used to be here; your father used to think so highly of her."
+
+"I can't say that I thought so very highly of her," interrupted Miss
+Mary Darnley; "she was a great deal too haughty for my liking. Of
+course we were civil to her for Robert's sake."
+
+Miss Mary was rude in thus interrupting her mother, but it was the
+general practice with the young ladies, and Mrs Darnley was so much
+in the habit of being interrupted, that she always expected it, and
+kept talking on till some one else of the party began. Now this remark
+of Miss Mary might be founded on truth, or it might be merely the
+result of an angry imagination. For there is in the human mind such a
+reluctance to acknowledge an error in judgment, that even when we have
+been really and palpably deceived in a human character, we generally
+find out or persuade ourselves that we "prophesied so," though we never
+told any body.
+
+The eldest Miss Darnley, however, had more candour. It was her opinion
+that, though Miss Primrose had not behaved exactly as she ought to
+do, yet she had too high a sense of propriety and decorum ever to
+transgress as was represented by Mr Pringle.
+
+In this annunciation of opinions it was but right and regular that the
+youngest should speak in her turn; and notwithstanding the apparent
+deference which she had seemed on the previous day to yield to the
+oracular language of Zephaniah Pringle the critic, she said:
+
+"I wonder who told Mr Pringle? I dare say Miss Primrose did not, and I
+should not think it likely that Lord Spoonbill did."
+
+"Oh dear," replied Mary, "I dare say it is the general talk in
+London, and everbody knows it by this time."
+
+"Oh dear," retorted Martha, "I dare say you know a great deal about
+London."
+
+"I know a great deal more about it than you do, Martha; I was there
+with papa nearly two months when we had lodgings in Wigmore street."
+
+Martha was inclined to be pert, and Mary to be pettish, and the two
+sisters would very likely have enjoyed a skirmish of tongues, had they
+not been stopped by the good humour of their brother, who was very
+happy to divert their tongues and thoughts to other topics. Robert
+Darnley therefore made an effort to suppress unpleasant feelings, and
+directed the conversation to affairs of a different description; and he
+amused his mother and sisters with anecdotes and narratives descriptive
+of the country from which he had recently arrived.
+
+In assuming this composure, Robert Darnley was not a little aided
+by the suggestion thrown out by Martha. And he began to think it
+very possible that Mr Zephaniah Pringle might have been misinformed.
+He might have had wit enough to form that conjecture without the
+assistance of his youngest sister; but he was too much agitated to
+think calmly on the subject.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+The preceding chapters, relative to affairs at Neverden, were rendered
+indispensable by the necessity under which we were placed to account
+for the non-appearance of Robert Darnley in London, to clear up the
+mystery and explain the cause of the interrupted correspondence. We
+are now most happy to revert to that part of our narrative which more
+immediately and directly concerns Penelope Primrose and her father. For
+this purpose therefore our history goes back a few days.
+
+After the first passionate agitation of meeting had subsided, and
+Penelope was able to speak collectedly, and Mr Primrose was patient
+enough to listen to two successive sentences, the young lady explained
+to her father the situation in which she had been placed by the
+sudden decease of her uncle, and spoke of the kindness which she had
+experienced from the Earl and Countess of Smatterton, adding, that they
+had been so kind as to propose giving her the opportunity of meeting
+her father in London. She then informed her father that Lord Spoonbill
+was in the house, and would be happy to see him.
+
+Mr Primrose was too happy at the meeting with his daughter to think
+anything of the awkward stories which he had heard of the young
+gentleman's irregularities. He therefore expressed himself pleased with
+an opportunity of making his acknowledgments to any part of the family.
+The young lord therefore soon made his appearance. And such was the
+frank, gentlemanly aspect and bearing of Mr Primrose, that his lordship
+was quite delighted with him, and said with great sincerity much which
+he would otherwise have said with polite formality and hypocrisy.
+
+Penelope exercised a considerable degree of self-command in introducing
+Lord Spoonbill so composedly to her father. And happy was it at this
+moment for Mr Primrose, that such was his cheerfulness and hilarity
+of feeling, that he was only sensible to that which was pleasant and
+agreeable.
+
+"My Lord Spoonbill," said he with one of his politest bows, and with
+the most agreeable intonation of voice that he could command, "I thank
+you most sincerely, and I beg that you will convey my most cordial and
+respectful thanks to the Earl and Countess of Smatterton for their kind
+and generous attention to my dear child."
+
+Even with similar politeness did Lord Spoonbill profess how truly
+happy the Earl and Countess had been in affording any accommodation
+to the neice of their late esteemed friend, the respected rector of
+Smatterton. By making mention of that good man, Lord Spoonbill brought
+tears into the eyes of Mr Primrose, who mournfully shook his head and
+replied:
+
+"Ah, my lord, he was indeed a good man. I lament the loss of him most
+sincerely. So much kind feeling, blended with such strict integrity,
+and so high a degree of moral purity, I never have witnessed in any
+other. I have seen strictness of principle with severity of manners,
+and I have witnessed kindness of heart with moral carelessness; but the
+late Dr Greendale had the most finely attempered mind of any man I ever
+knew. He did, or desired to do, good to everybody, and that must have
+been a hard heart which he could not soften."
+
+It was well for Lord Spoonbill at this moment that he was not of so
+susceptible a temperament as Mr Primrose, or the remark last recorded
+would have distressed him. It was in another point of view ill for
+his lordship that he had not a little more sensibility, for if he had
+he might have been moved to contrition and reflection. His lordship
+very courteously assented to every compliment which Mr Primrose felt
+disposed to pay to the late Dr Greendale. And presently his lordship
+directed the talk to other matters; for though he had not sensibility
+to be moved, yet he had enough of that kind of feeling which rendered
+him awkward under reflections and recollections. The hereditary
+legislator was also especially desirous of knowing what was to be the
+immediate destination of Miss Primrose and her father; but found, after
+a long conversation and many indirect hints, that no arrangement of any
+determinate nature had entered the mind of Mr Primrose, who probably
+thought, that for the night ensuing, he might take up his abode at the
+town residence of Lord Smatterton.
+
+At length, Lord Spoonbill, finding that it became time for him to
+return to dinner, and knowing that it would not be very agreeable
+to the Countess to take back with him father and daughter too, and
+suspecting also very strongly and very naturally that the two were
+not likely to be separated, began to make something like an apology
+to Mr Primrose for having brought him to an empty house, and offered
+such accommodation as the house might afford, expressing his great
+regret that he himself was under the necessity of returning to Lord
+Smatterton's suburban villa.
+
+These explanations and apologies roused Mr Primrose to his
+recollection, and he presently and promptly declined availing himself
+of his lordship's kind offer, and expressed his intention of taking up
+his abode at a hotel, which he named.
+
+Lord Spoonbill was satisfied. He now knew where to find Mr Primrose
+again; and so long as he was not at a loss where to seek Penelope, his
+lordship readily took his leave, with a promise that he would very
+shortly pay his respects again to his good friends.
+
+Mr Primrose and his daughter then went to their hotel, and the
+overjoyed parent endeavoured to compose himself for the sobriety
+of narrative and interrogation. Many questions were asked, and
+multitudinous digressions and recommencements and interruptions
+rendered their discourse rather less instructive than entertaining. The
+father of Penelope walked restlessly about the room, and ever and anon
+would he stop and look with an indescribable earnestness on the face of
+his child, as if to fill his mind's eye with her image, or to endeavour
+to trace her likeness to her departed mother. And from these momentary
+absorptions he would start into recollection, and utter such thrilling
+expressions of delight, that his poor child feared that the joy would
+be too much for him.
+
+Some of the human species have suffered more from joy than from sorrow.
+Ecstacy has lifted the mind to that height and giddiness as to destroy
+its self-command, and to precipitate it into the depths and darkness
+of idiocy. Penelope entertained a fear of this kind for her father.
+For she had not been accustomed to witness or yield to any very
+strong emotions. Her uncle, with whom she had lived, had been a very
+quiet man; and, in his studious retirement, life had passed smoothly
+and placidly as the waveless current of a subterranean stream. Mrs
+Greendale had experienced and manifested occasional ebullitions, but
+they were merely culinary, domestic, common-place, and transitory.
+As for herself, poor girl, deep as her feelings might have been, and
+strongly, as in various instances, she might have been moved, these
+emotions were solitary and soon suppressed.
+
+When therefore she saw her father in this state of agitation, much of
+her own joy was abated in thoughts and fears for him. But in time the
+violence of the emotion abated, and the father and daughter sat down
+together to dinner. This was a relief to them both. When the cloth was
+removed, Mr Primrose then bethought himself of Robert Darnley. Drawing
+closer to the fire, he said to Penelope; "Well, but, my dear child,
+I have not yet said a word about an old acquaintance of yours, whom
+report says you have not used handsomely. But I don't mind what report
+says. Have you quite forgot your old neighbour Robert Darnley?"
+
+Penelope sighed and shook her head, and replied, "Oh, no, my dear
+father; I have not forgotten him."
+
+"Then why did you not answer his letters?"
+
+"I answered his letters, but he did not answer mine."
+
+"What!" exclaimed Mr Primrose; "do you say that he was the person who
+dropped the correspondence? You are wrong, my dear, you are wrong. Ay,
+ay, I see how it is--some letters have not been delivered. It is all
+a misunderstanding; but it will soon be set right. I have seen the
+young man. He is now at Neverden; and he tells me that you have not
+answered his letters. But we shall soon see him in town. He would have
+come with me, but he must needs stay to eat his Christmas dinner at the
+parsonage, just to please the old folks. That of course is right; and
+if children did but know how easily parents are pleased, and how happy
+they are when their children please them, there would not be so many
+undutiful children in the world.--And so, my dear Penelope, it is all a
+mere invention that you are attached to Lord Spoonbill?"
+
+Recollecting what had that morning taken place, and from that also
+calling to mind what before she had not noticed, and what without that
+event she would have forgotten; thinking again how assiduously and
+politely attentive Lord Spoonbill had behaved towards her, she began to
+think that his lordship's attentive behaviour had been seen and noticed
+by others when it had not been obvious to herself. And these thoughts
+confused and perplexed her. Therefore she did not immediately reply to
+her father's interrogation. Her silence was observed by her anxious
+parent, and he hastily said:
+
+"What then, is it true? But it is a great pity. Robert Darnley is a
+fine spirited young man; and I am sure he did not design to drop the
+correspondence. Well, well; you are like your father, you are very
+hasty. But never mind, it cannot be helped now. And what will you say
+to poor Darnley when he sees you again; for I fully expect him up in
+town as soon as Christmas is well over? I dare say he will be here in a
+week, or a little more. I told him that he would find us at this hotel.
+And has Lord Spoonbill really made proposals to you? And have you
+accepted his offer?"
+
+The discovery which this talk of her father opened to the mind of
+Penelope moved her with feelings not describable. There was powerful
+and oppressive agitation, but whether painful or pleasurable she
+scarcely knew. Her heart was too full to speak, and her thoughts too
+hurried for utterance. The colour was in her cheeks, and the tears were
+silently falling, and presently the quick glancing eye of her father
+caught the expression of concern and deep feeling, and his impetuosity
+misinterpreted the emotion. With rapidity of utterance, and with kind
+tenderness of tone, he exclaimed, grasping her hand:
+
+"Nay, nay, my dear Penelope, do not be so afflicted. You misunderstand
+me, indeed you do. I am not angry with you. If you are really attached
+to Lord Spoonbill, and if he has a regard for you, I would not for the
+world oppose your inclinations. If you are happy, I shall be so. I
+know comparatively very little of Robert Darnley. As to what I saw of
+his father, I certainly thought not favourably. The young man appeared
+not so proud and formal as the old gentleman. But Lord Spoonbill may
+be a very excellent man, and I am sure he would not be your choice if
+he were not so. I dare say that all these stories I have heard of his
+profligacies are not true."
+
+Hereat the young lady started; and she thought that she had some faint
+recollection of having heard some obscure hints on that subject; for
+these matters are not made the topic of explicit discourse in the
+presence of young ladies. And with this impression she hastened to
+undeceive her father as to the state of her affections, protesting very
+calmly and deliberately that there had not been any transfer of her
+attachment to Lord Spoonbill from Robert Darnley. And, as connectedly
+and circumstantially as she was able, she narrated the history of her
+life, from the decease of her worthy uncle to the moment of her meeting
+with her father.
+
+Mr Primrose made his observations on these events, and expressed
+himself delighted in having arrived in England time enough to prevent
+his daughter from publicly exhibiting her musical talents. Now, in the
+course of Penelope's narrative, mention had not been made, nor did it
+seem necessary to state the fact, of Lord Spoonbill's declaration of
+devotedness, which his lordship had made that very morning. It was
+therefore unfortunate, though of no great consequence, that when the
+poor girl had finished her story, Mr Primrose said:
+
+"And so then after all Lord Spoonbill has not said a word to you on the
+subject of attachment?"
+
+It became necessary then to acknowledge what had passed in the morning;
+and the reluctance with which the acknowledgment was made very
+naturally excited some slight suspicion in the breast of Mr Primrose,
+that there was something more serious than had been acknowledged. A
+satisfactory explanation however was made, and all was right again.
+
+This trifling incident would not have been mentioned, but for the
+illustration which it affords of the value of explicitness and candour,
+and for the proof which it presents that the purest and most upright
+mind may, from a false delicacy, involve itself in serious perplexity.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+At the hotel where Mr Primrose had taken up his residence, he remained
+with his daughter for two or three weeks. Penelope and her father were
+during this time in daily expectation of seeing or hearing from Robert
+Darnley, but there came no letter, there came no visitor. Mr Primrose
+grew impatient, and talked to his daughter about writing. That Penelope
+should write was quite out of the question, nor could the young lady
+bring herself readily to allow her father to write.
+
+They both agreed that, if the young man was still seriously attached,
+he would find some way of communicating with them now all parties
+were together in England. And so he certainly would have done, had
+it not been for the false report carried to Neverden by the loyal and
+religious Zephaniah Pringle, and corroborated by the almost unanimous
+and universal talk of the people of that village. Influenced by
+this tale, he remained at Neverden spending day after day in most
+clumsily doing nothing at all. His father talked to him, his mother
+talked to him, and his sisters talked to him, but all their talk
+amounted to nothing. Disappointed affection is a painful feeling, and
+talking cannot heal it; nor was it ever known in the course of human
+experience, that calling a man a fool has been the means of making him
+wise.
+
+Whatever were the feelings of Robert Darnley on this sad blight of his
+fair hopes, he was wise enough to keep them to himself; he was indeed
+dull and listless, but he did not annoy others any farther than thus
+negatively. On the other hand, the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill had
+no sooner accomplished the mighty feat of telling Miss Primrose how
+devoted he was to her, than he must needs again invade the luxurious
+and lounging solitude of his friend Erpingham in order again to
+talk over the subject. His lordship did not indeed on the very day
+after, but at as short an interval as possible consistent with other
+engagements, call upon his luxurious friend to enjoy the pleasure of
+talking about Miss Primrose.
+
+Now Erpingham, as we have already intimated, was by no means a
+simpleton. He had wisdom enough to see through Lord Spoonbill, though
+his lordship was not always able to comprehend the logic of his old
+college companion. There is at Cambridge, as everybody knows, a
+species of animal called a tuft-hunter, that is, a plebeian man, who,
+for pence or pride, cultivates an acquaintance with the young green
+shoots of nobility that are sent to that place to learn horse-racing,
+card-playing, and mathematics, in order to make laws to preserve game
+and keep up the dignity of hereditary legislators. Now Erpingham was
+not one of that description. But there are, among the unfledged
+lordlings who honor that town and university with their superfine
+presence, some few individuals who, in order to enjoy a stronger sense
+and feeling of their own noble rank and exalted condition, seek for
+acquaintance among the untitled. Of this class was Lord Spoonbill, and
+his acquaintance thus and there formed, was Mr Erpingham.
+
+To seek an acquaintance with any individual is generally felt,
+whether it be so considered or not, as an act of humiliation. It
+is at all events a homage paid to the acquaintance thus sought. He
+that voluntarily seeks after another, involuntarily pays that other
+a compliment. And frequently that compliment is taken by those who
+receive it for more than it is really worth. By this circumstance
+therefore that the acquaintance with Erpingham had been of Lord
+Spoonbill's own seeking, the former did not quite so highly value and
+honor the young legislator as otherwise he might have done. And when
+once we can thoroughly and heartily take it into our heads that any
+man is a fool, it is no difficult matter to convince ourselves that
+he really is so. Plenty of illustrations are always at hand, if we be
+intimate with the person in question.
+
+Now, in spite of all the reverence which Mr Erpingham felt for high
+rank, he could not help thinking that his lordship was no conjuror.
+Indeed it is no more to be wished than it is to be expected that the
+House of Lords should be all conjurors. As therefore Mr Erpingham
+thought but indifferently of the understanding of his right honorable
+friend, it is not to be wondered at that Lord Spoonbill should not
+always be treated with the most profound respect. At Cambridge, indeed,
+Erpingham thought it something of an honor to be acquainted with a
+nobleman; but by degrees, and especially after leaving the university,
+the gentleman thought otherwise, and diminished much of the homage
+which he had formerly paid to that right honorable hereditary pillar of
+the Protestant succession.
+
+When therefore Lord Spoonbill made his appearance again, and
+threatened a tedious lack-a-daisical prating about love, Mr Erpingham
+almost laughed at him.
+
+"Well, Spoonbill," said the Epicurean, "and so you are coming to
+report progress. And what says this paragon of wit and beauty? I suppose
+you have made your arrangements: and am I to be honored by an
+introduction?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill shook his head, and went on tediously to relate all
+the particulars of the journey to London and the introduction to Mr
+Primrose. To all this Mr Erpingham listened very attentively; and, when
+the narrative was concluded, he drawled out, "Well, Spoonbill, and what
+then?"
+
+To that question the hereditary legislator made no direct or
+intelligible reply. His friend therefore repeated his question,
+adding: "Were you content with making a mere sentimental speech about
+your devotion to this young lady? And did not you give the slightest
+intimation of your designs?"
+
+"How could I," replied his lordship, "under these circumstances?"
+
+"Then I will tell you, my good friend, that I have done more for you
+than you have done for yourself."
+
+Lord Spoonbill started and stared, and exclaimed: "Erpingham! what do
+you mean?"
+
+"I mean what I say. Do you know Zephaniah Pringle, a literary prig,
+with whose vanity I sometimes amuse myself?"
+
+"Certainly I do," replied his lordship; "but what can he have to do
+with this matter?"
+
+"A great deal," replied Erpingham; "he is, as I suppose you know, an
+impertinent chatter-box, and whatever is trusted to him as a profound
+secret is sure to be known to all the world; so I communicated to
+him that Miss Primrose was in the high road to be placed under the
+protection of the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, and by this time
+Smatterton and its adjoining village is already in possession of the
+important secret."
+
+On hearing this, Lord Spoonbill started, as if with a strong sense of
+moral indignation, and exclaimed: "Erpingham, are you mad? What could
+you mean by circulating such a report? Suppose I should intend to marry
+Miss Primrose!"
+
+"Why, then you are less likely to have a rival."
+
+Although Lord Spoonbill was quite as profligate and unprincipled as Mr
+Erpingham, yet as his profligacy and want of principle were not managed
+and directed precisely after the model of the same vices in the conduct
+of his friend, his lordship took credit to himself that he could enjoy
+the pleasure of reproving the vicious principles of this Epicurean. But
+though he expressed a feeling of indignation at the cool, deliberate
+viciousness of this son of luxury and sensuality, he felt no little
+satisfaction in the thought that this report must infallibly reach the
+ears of Mr Robert Darnley, and thus prevent any further attempt on his
+part to renew the acquaintance with Penelope.
+
+It may seem rather strange to some part of our readers, that a man who
+could descend to the meanness of intercepting letters, should lift up
+his voice and turn up his eyes at the sin of circulating false reports
+touching the character and situation of a young woman, and that this
+same man should deliberately meditate on schemes for placing that young
+woman in that situation which he professed to think so degrading. But
+there is a wonderful difference in the apprehension which men entertain
+of the same vices under different circumstances. There is also
+observable in the feelings of Lord Spoonbill, on the present occasion,
+the readiness and satisfaction with which a man will cheerfully avail
+himself of the benefits derivable from the vicious or unprincipled
+conduct of others.
+
+The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill seemed to think that his friend
+Erpingham had behaved very unhandsomely and disrespectfully to Penelope
+by causing such a rumour to get into circulation; but, when it
+occurred to him that some advantage might be taken of the said rumour,
+his indignation was abated, and all his reproof was softened down into
+merely saying:
+
+"Really, Erpingham, you are too bad."
+
+Everybody who is worse than ourselves is too bad; everybody, whose
+vices differ from ours, is too bad. Lord Spoonbill was selfish,
+sensual, and unprincipled; but he endeavoured to conceal his character,
+and, from attempting to deceive others, had come at last to deceive
+himself; and he really did flatter himself that there was some good
+in his character, and some good feelings in his heart. But Erpingham,
+on the other hand, did not play the hypocrite either to himself or
+to others; he was definite and decided, and he took to himself some
+little credit for the unblushing honesty of his conduct and character.
+He smiled contemptuously at the meanness and littleness of his friend
+Spoonbill's vices; but this meanness was essential to the very
+existence of his vices, he would have been frightened at himself had
+he seen his own moral features without a mask.
+
+There was this difference in the character of these two friends, that
+had Erpingham had the same object in view as Lord Spoonbill, he would
+have pursued it unblushingly, unhesitatingly, and without remorse. He
+would have intercepted letters, but he would not have shuddered when
+he had them in his possession; nor would he have hesitated to open
+them, if that would have forwarded his schemes. There would have been
+no demur or doubt, but everything would have been rendered subservient
+to his villanous purposes. But Lord Spoonbill was not so straitforward
+in his roguery, he was a more pusillanimous profligate. The difference
+between the two is, that Erpingham was an object of indignation, and
+Lord Spoonbill of contempt.
+
+Seeing therefore how matters now stood, the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill thought that he might as well pursue his first object with
+regard to Penelope, and not, at least for the present, think or say a
+word concerning marriage. And it was a great consolation to him in the
+course of his meditations to think how much more unprincipled Erpingham
+was than he.
+
+From a long, and to the Epicurean a wearying discussion, Lord Spoonbill
+returned to his home; and on his return he found that the Countess
+was quite angry, and that her patience was exhausted in waiting for
+Penelope's return. The young lady had indeed mentioned the subject
+to her father, but he did not think any further acknowledgments
+necessary than he had already personally made to the heir of the house
+of Smatterton. Nor could Mr Primrose persuade himself that any very
+high tribute of gratitude was due for that species of patronage which
+the Countess of Smatterton had proposed for his daughter. It was his
+feeling, that her ladyship had in view her own gratification quite as
+much as the welfare of Penelope.
+
+When therefore Lord Spoonbill found that the Countess was still
+expecting either the return of Miss Primrose, or some grateful
+intimation that the proffered patronage was declined, he thought it an
+excellent opportunity to propose a call on Mr Primrose; and, after some
+of the usual prate about condescension and dignity, the young lord, on
+the following morning, rode up to town.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+When a lady finds herself a second time alone with a gentleman who has
+once addressed her on an interesting topic, but whose address has not
+been altogether pleasant and agreeable, the lady's situation is by no
+means enviable. It is more distressing still when, in the recollection
+of the young lady, there are yet lingering the faint relics of brighter
+and better hopes.
+
+This was the situation of Penelope when Lord Spoonbill called upon
+her. Mr Primrose was not within: business demanded his attention in
+the City, and there he was likely to be detained some hours. The
+young lord, with well feigned seriousness, expressed his regret that
+he should be so unfortunate as not to meet with Mr Primrose, and
+he added that he would call again if Mr Primrose was likely soon to
+return. When however he heard that Penelope did not expect her father
+till dinner-time, he was more pleased with the information than he
+professed to be. Miss Primrose very respectfully enquired after the
+Earl and Countess of Smatterton; and, in replying to those enquiries,
+Lord Spoonbill took the opportunity of hinting that her ladyship felt
+somewhat anxious to know whether the return of Mr Primrose to England
+had induced Penelope to relinquish the thought of that profession which
+she had recently contemplated, and for which immediate preparation
+became otherwise necessary and important.
+
+In reply to this enquiry, Penelope informed his lordship that her
+father had expressed himself decidedly of opinion that such pursuit
+would not be agreeable to himself or necessary for his daughter. Lord
+Spoonbill cared little for the disappointment, except that it would
+be in the way of his schemes, and render the arrangement which he
+meditated rather more difficult of execution. So far as expectation was
+concerned, he was prepared for this event; but he was not prepared with
+any plan that he might immediately pursue.
+
+After the common-place talk was finished, his lordship thought that he
+ought to take his leave; but he was reluctant to go, and he did not
+know how to stay. Penelope also wished him gone, for she was afraid
+of a renewal of an unpleasant topic. The young lady also took no
+particular pains to conceal that wish, and his lordship was not quite
+so flat as not to discern that his presence was not very acceptable.
+In truth, his situation was grievously perplexing, and a wiser man
+than he would have been at a loss in such circumstances how to act. It
+was clear to him that Penelope had not quite forgotten Robert Darnley;
+it was also obvious that Lord Spoonbill was not yet essential to the
+happiness of Miss Primrose; he most earnestly desired to render
+himself agreeable to Miss Primrose, and he very well knew that nothing
+could be more agreeable than that he should take his leave; but that
+would not have been agreeable to himself; and greatly as he desired
+to do anything that might recommend him to the approbation of Miss
+Primrose, he was equally desirous of avoiding anything that might be
+disagreeable or unpleasant to himself.
+
+Lord Spoonbill is not to be regarded in this instance as differing so
+very widely from the rest of the world. Other lovers frequently have
+the same ideas on the subject of the mutual accommodation of themselves
+and their adored ones. And if, after this observation, any individual
+of the gentler sex should be deceived by professions and protestations
+of disinterestedness, the fault will be hers and not ours.
+
+In this embarrassing situation in which Lord Spoonbill was placed,
+it occurred to his most fertile imagination that it might greatly
+forward his designs upon Penelope, if, by any means, he could contrive
+to bring the young lady to think unhandsomely of Robert Darnley. It
+certainly would not do for his lordship to make any direct allusion
+to this young gentleman; for it was hardly supposed by Miss Primrose
+that there existed in the mind of his lordship any knowledge of the
+acquaintance between her and the son of the rector of Neverden;
+and such was his lordship's clumsiness in the management of his
+irregularities, that he was even fearful of the most indirect allusion
+to Robert Darnley, lest, in making that allusion, he might betray
+himself.
+
+At length it came into his lordship's most sagacious head that,
+although it might be hazardous to make any allusion to Neverden, there
+could not be much risk incurred by enquiring after Mrs Greendale,
+therefore he ventured to ask, as if for want of something else to say,
+if Miss Primrose had lately heard from Smatterton, and in making this
+enquiry he endeavoured to watch the countenance of the young lady
+most narrowly, in order to observe whether the mention of Smatterton
+produced any deep emotion as connected with Neverden. Penelope answered
+with perfect composure, and informed the hereditary legislator that Mrs
+Greendale had not written to her since her departure from Smatterton.
+
+After mentioning Mrs Greendale, his lordship proceeded to some more
+common talk, merely and obviously to delay his departure; and he
+manifested in this kind of talk that he had a great wish to recur to
+that topic which he had introduced on the morning of Mr Primrose's
+meeting with his daughter. But if it was evident to Penelope that such
+was his lordship's wish, it was quite as evident to his lordship that
+the young lady was equally uneasy under the apprehension, and dreaded
+the repetition of a discussion which at its first introduction had so
+distressed her thoughts.
+
+And now it would have been absolutely and uncontrollably necessary for
+Lord Spoonbill to take his leave, and he must have taken his leave,
+not knowing when or how he might find Penelope again, had it not been
+for one of those unexpected and extraordinary accidents which often
+change the aspect of a whole life. This accident was neither more nor
+less than the sudden return of Mr Primrose to his hotel.
+
+By the expression of Mr Primrose's countenance, which seldom indeed
+concealed or belied the emotions of his mind, it was visible that some
+calamity had befallen him, or at least that something had occurred to
+discompose him. It might not be anything very serious; Penelope hoped
+it was not; for, during the short time that she had been with her
+father she had had abundant occasion of observing that such was the
+susceptibility of his feelings, that the expressions of joy and sorrow
+were soon excited, and that by a very slight and trifling occurrence.
+
+But it was soon manifest that it was no trivial circumstance that
+oppressed the spirits of her father in the present instance. When
+he entered the apartment he scarcely noticed his daughter or Lord
+Spoonbill. He took the former by the hand, and to the latter he
+slightly bowed; and this was his only recognition of them, for he did
+not open his lips, and he scarcely directed his looks towards them. His
+lips were closely compressed, as if he feared that by opening them he
+should betray or give way to stronger expressions of grief than might
+well become him. He sat himself down upon a chair and looked listlessly
+out into the street, moving neither feature nor muscle, except that the
+vibration of his eyelids was more rapid than usual.
+
+Lord Spoonbill was now at a loss whether to offer his sympathy or to
+take his departure. He could not, with any great propriety, leave
+the room without taking some notice of Mr Primrose; but such was the
+expression of the poor man's countenance, that it seemed that merely
+to speak to him in the most common-place manner imaginable would be
+to distress his feelings, and to burst open that flood of grief which
+he seemed to endeavour to restrain. Directing therefore an enquiring
+look to Penelope, and again turning towards Mr Primrose, his lordship,
+by these looks and the movements which accompanied them, intimated
+an intention of departing, if his presence were a restraint. Seeing
+that Mr Primrose kept his position, and that no change was made in his
+features, his lordship was just whispering to Penelope that he was
+sorry to see her father under such depression, and that it might be
+agreeable that he should leave them, Mr Primrose hastily started up and
+said;
+
+"I beg your pardon, Lord Spoonbill, for my rudeness, but I have met
+with a shock this morning that has completely subdued me."
+
+At this speech, Penelope caught her father's hand with tender
+eagerness, and asked, as well as her feelings would allow, what was the
+nature of the misfortune that he had met with. Most tenderly, and with
+a tone which reached even the heart of Lord Spoonbill, Mr Primrose said;
+
+"My dear, dear child, you are a dependent again, and God knows how soon
+you may be an orphan indeed."
+
+Before Penelope could speak, and indeed before she well comprehended
+her father's meaning, the distressed man directed his speech to Lord
+Spoonbill, saying;
+
+"Could you believe it possible, my lord, that such deliberate villains
+should exist in a Christian country, as to take from a man the little
+property which he had been toiling for years to accumulate, to take
+what they knew they never could restore. Those villains suffered me,
+but ten days ago, to deposit my all in their hands, and now they have
+stopped payment; and from all that I can hear in the City, I am not
+likely to receive above one shilling in the pound, and I may wait
+months, or perhaps years, for that."
+
+It may be in the recollection of the reader, that Lord Spoonbill was
+described in an early part of this narrative as being unduly and
+indecently pleased to hear of the illness of Dr Greendale, as exulting
+in the thought that the decease of that worthy, kind-hearted man would
+afford his lordship a more convenient opportunity of pursuing his
+schemes against the peace and innocence of Penelope Primrose. It will
+not therefore appear very surprizing if that same hereditary legislator
+should regard the present calamity of Mr Primrose as an agreeable
+circumstance to himself, and as greatly favouring his designs. There
+was however, in the contemplation of this misfortune of the father
+of Penelope, a desire also on the part of his lordship to contribute
+towards its alleviation. Lord Spoonbill was a profligate, and he was a
+mean, contemptible fellow; but he was not a devil incarnate, delighting
+in mischief or wickedness purely for its own sake. He wished Mr
+Primrose no ill, he had no desire to inflict any injuries or to give
+pain to any one, but he loved himself, and he pursued his own plans for
+his own pleasure, and he was pleased with whatever gave him promise or
+hope of success, even though that very circumstance should be the death
+or injury of another.
+
+Seeing, therefore, that in the present circumstances there was
+something which afforded him promise, he was pleased, and being pleased
+he very kindly sympathised with Mr Primrose, and expressed a wish that
+matters might not be quite so bad as was expected.
+
+Mr Primrose took his lordship's sympathy very kindly, and his mind was
+soothed by it; and with rather more self-possession than might have
+been expected, he replied; "For myself, I care but little; but it is
+mortifying, after so long an absence from my native land, and after so
+much toil and perseverance for the sake of my own and only child, to
+find that all the fruit of that toil is swept away at once."
+
+Penelope, who had been overwhelmed by the suddenness of the
+intelligence, had scarcely spoken; but now assuming with great success
+a calmness and resolvedness of manner, said to her father:
+
+"If that be all the calamity, my dear father, it is easily remedied.
+The Countess of Smatterton has been kind enough to promise me her
+high patronage, and to facilitate my efforts towards providing an
+independency, and Lord Spoonbill has but this moment, just before
+you returned, been enquiring whether or not I design to continue my
+preparation for that pursuit."
+
+"No, no, my Penelope, that is an occupation which I am sure can never
+suit your taste. I will not on any account consent to that. How can
+I bear to think of my own child exerting and wasting her strength to
+amuse the public, and to see her standing before a promiscuous and
+unfeeling multitude, exposed to the rudeness and insolence of loudly
+expressed disapprobation and extempore criticism?"
+
+"Nay, my good sir," said Lord Spoonbill in his pleasantest manner;
+"there is no danger, and there need be no fear, that Miss Primrose will
+ever incur disapprobation; whatever loud expressions there may be, will
+be expressions of applause and delight."
+
+"And that," rejoined Mr Primrose, "is almost as bad. To stand up
+before a multitude and beg for their applause, even if the applause be
+gained, is to my feelings humiliating. To a female it is more painful
+still. I cannot brook the idea of being dependent on a multitude, a
+capricious mass of, perhaps, gross and indiscriminating individuals."
+
+Lord Spoonbill was so much delighted with the probability of Miss
+Primrose's return to the condescending and discriminating patronage
+of the Countess of Smatterton, that the anticipation made him more
+than usually eloquent and logical; and there was something also in the
+manner of Mr Primrose that excited the hereditary legislator to use his
+utmost powers of persuasion. He therefore thus pursued the subject:
+
+"But, sir, it is not merely in that profession which Miss Primrose
+contemplates, that the public takes the liberty of expressing its
+opinion. The highest personage in the kingdom is not exempt from
+expressions of public censure or public applause; and when a nobleman
+in the House of Peers, or a gentleman in the House of Commons, rises
+and expresses his sentiments on any question of policy, the public
+takes the liberty to express, and sometimes very loudly and rudely, an
+opinion of the merits or demerits of such speech."
+
+"Yes, my lord, you are talking very plausibly; but you must feel that
+there is a wide difference between the two cases. You cannot by such
+arguments cheat me out of my feelings. I thought it a calamity when I
+heard that my child meditated that profession, and I was delighted that
+it was in my power to save her from such a painful publicity."
+
+It was not perhaps quite consistent with the strictest veracity when
+Penelope, interrupting her father, said: "Indeed, my dear father, you
+quite misunderstand me, if you think that I should feel any unpleasant
+sensations in that publicity."
+
+Mr Primrose saw clearly enough the motive of that speech; and he began
+to wish that this discussion had not taken place in the presence of a
+third person; and Lord Spoonbill saw that this feeling oppressed the
+poor man. With a degree of propriety and delicacy therefore, which he
+could readily assume when it suited his purpose, he concluded his visit
+by saying:
+
+"Well, Mr Primrose, I will not intrude upon you any longer for the
+present; and I can only say, that I hope you will not find the affairs
+of your banker quite so bad as you expect; but if you should, then I
+will venture to say that the Earl of Smatterton will not forget a near
+relative of the late respected Dr Greendale. Our family will be in
+town in a few days, and I shall be most happy then to repeat my call.
+And should Miss Primrose still persist in wishing to adopt the musical
+profession, a patroness and every possible assistance will not be
+wanting."
+
+In this there was much kindness, and Mr Primrose was accordingly
+pleased with the young lord, and forgot for a moment that he had ever
+heard any stories to his discredit. And, when the father and daughter
+were left alone, they entered into long and serious talk concerning
+their respective prospects.
+
+Mr Primrose was not left absolutely pennyless by the stopping of his
+banker; but the greater part of his property was gone if, as report
+stated, the house should be only able to pay one shilling in the pound.
+Indeed, upon the supposition of a much larger dividend, the property,
+which would then remain to Mr Primrose, would be but a very narrow
+and scanty independence. He had not made so very large a fortune in
+India as some persons are said to have accumulated; but, as soon as he
+had acquired what he thought a respectable competence, he returned to
+England to have as much as possible the enjoyment of his daughter's
+company, and those pleasures which none but a native land is capable of
+affording.
+
+When he had stated to Penelope as accurately and fully as possible the
+various particulars relative to his property, and mentioned the sources
+from whence the rumours came concerning the incompetency of his banker,
+the young lady very composedly expressed her readiness to avail
+herself of the proffered patronage of the Countess of Smatterton.
+There appeared so much sincerity and cheerfulness in the proposal,
+that Mr Primrose felt himself considerably relieved: and not only did
+there appear sincerity in the language used by Penelope, but there
+really was what there appeared to be. For reluctant as she might have
+been to engage in such a profession merely for the gratification of a
+patroness, she felt very differently when she thought that she might
+thereby be an assistance to her father.
+
+Hurt as Mr Primrose's feelings, or pride, might have been at the
+thought of receiving assistance from his own daughter, whom he had
+hoped to place in a state of independence, and mortified as he might be
+at the prospect of the young lady making a public appearance, yet he
+had but little to say to the repeated enquiry which Penelope made in
+answer to all his objections; for invariably his remarks were followed
+by the question--"What else can be done?"
+
+It was too late for Mr Primrose to return to India; and the patronage
+or interest which once had favoured him now existed for him no longer.
+He had not been brought up to any profession whereby he might gain a
+livelihood in England, and he had been accustomed to a style of living
+which rendered daily bread a more expensive article to him than to
+those of humbler prospects.
+
+A very distressing and heart-rending scene may be drawn of human
+suffering from the lowest and most abject of the children of penury and
+destitution. But we have our doubts whether the bitterest and keenest
+sense of suffering is really in that class. The poor gentleman suffers
+mentally, and while the beggar who lives on casual charity has an
+occasional luxury in a full meal, he, whose poverty must be hidden but
+cannot be unknown, is labouring under an unremitting and incessant
+pressure; and it is this that wastes away the body to a mere shadow and
+bows down the spirit to the earth. They are cruel and unfeeling indeed,
+who mock such misery as this. We envy not the talent which can draw
+mirth from a source so painful.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+Another morning dawned, and with its opening light there came to the
+father of Penelope a feeling of his comparatively destitute situation.
+His heart swelled as he thought of it, and he had some difficulty to
+preserve composure enough to meet his child. There was however one
+drop of consolation in the cup of his affliction, for it was not by
+his own fault or folly that his present loss was occasioned. But even
+this consolation afflicted him, for it brought to his recollection his
+past folly, and reminded him of the patient endurance with which the
+mother of his Penelope had borne up, as long as possible, against her
+sufferings. He recollected how gradually and slowly she sunk, and how
+to the very last moment of life her looks were to him all tenderness
+and forgiveness. And he thought that he could also discern in his child
+those same moral features which had been the grace and glory of her
+departed mother.
+
+Commanding his feelings as well as he could, he commenced the talk
+concerning the calamity of the preceding day. His heart was touched by
+the cheerful manner in which Penelope referred to the proposal of the
+Countess of Smatterton, and he smiled through his tears to hear how
+sanguinely the poor girl talked of the certainty of high success. But
+as yet all was in uncertainty.
+
+His banker, in whose hands he had placed the greater part of his
+property, had certainly stopped payment; but it could not yet be
+ascertained when his affairs would be put into a train for settlement,
+nor was it likely that one so little acquainted with the City as Mr
+Primrose should be able to form any idea of the dividend which might
+be paid. He certainly had heard it said that no greater dividend would
+be forthcoming, than one shilling in the pound. But people in the City
+sometimes tells lies not knowing them to be lies, and sometimes even do
+they go so far as to tell lies knowing them to be so.
+
+Mr Primrose was a very hasty man, catching up whatever he heard, and
+taking it for granted that all he heard was true. He never thought of
+enquiring what was the political party to which his banker belonged,
+nor did he know to what party those persons attached themselves who
+told him the melancholy story of that banker's inability to pay more
+than one shilling in the pound. As for Mr Primrose himself, he, poor
+man, knew nothing about party; he was not aware that England contained
+two classes of men, one of which is all that is good, and the other
+all that is bad. He simply knew that the banker had stopped payment,
+and that two very respectable-looking gentlemen had declared it as
+their opinion that there would not be a dividend of more than one
+shilling in the pound. That story he believed, and on that presumption
+was proceeding. His daughter of course could know nothing about the
+matter; and as for the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, he was such a
+superfine sort of a gentleman that he hardly knew that there was such a
+place as the City; and if he had ever heard of such an animal as a City
+Alderman, he took it for some such a creature as the Bonassus.
+
+Now this melancholy intelligence, which Mr Primrose had brought with
+him from the City, put a stop of course to those employments in which
+he would otherwise have been engaged. He was preparing to look out
+for some residence, either in town or country; and for that purpose
+he had every morning read with great attention all the advertisements
+of desirable residences to be sold or let. It was not very pleasant
+to turn from these thoughts to study painfully the means of again
+acquiring a maintenance.
+
+It was more especially distressing to him to observe how anxiously his
+poor child now supplicated as a favour to be permitted to engage in an
+occupation, from which he knew that, under other circumstances, she
+would have timidly shrunk. He was afflicted to hear such solicitations;
+but he had so much pleasure in his daughter's society, and so little
+occasion to go out, that he remained in his hotel the greater part of
+the morning, or more properly speaking the day. Towards evening however
+it occurred to him, and to any one else it would have occurred much
+earlier, that it might be the means of setting his mind a little at
+rest, and of giving him some little ground of hope, if he should go
+once more into the City and enquire of his agent into the probability
+of a settlement or arrangement of his banker's affairs.
+
+While Mr Primrose was gone into the City Penelope was left mournfully
+alone. It is indeed very dull to spend a long solitary evening in a
+strange place without occupation, and with nothing to think upon but
+painful recollections and fearful anticipations.
+
+The room in which the poor girl was left was large and well furnished,
+but there were no books in it, and the pictures were but indifferent
+engravings in splendid frames. There was a newspaper, but that was soon
+exhausted. There were many persons in the house, but Penelope knew none
+of them, and none of them cared about her.
+
+It had been very different at Smatterton, and at Neverden; in those two
+villages everybody knew her, and everybody loved her more or less; and
+there she never felt herself alone, for she knew that her good uncle
+was near her, and there is some pleasure in knowing that a good friend
+is near us. There, when she heard footsteps and voices, they were
+familiar voices and the footsteps of friends; but in the large hotel,
+where she sat alone waiting for her father, she heard only the voices
+of strangers. And when for the sake of a little variety she drew
+aside the drapery of the long windows and looked down upon the lamp
+illuminated street, there was something quite melancholy in the dim
+appearance and the monotonous sounds. Carriage-wheels seemed to roll
+incessantly, and their passing lights were miserably reflected from
+myriads of little puddles coldly shining amidst the uneven pavement.
+
+There was a specimen or two to be heard of the London cries; but there
+was no music in them, and they fell upon the ear with a strangely
+unpleasant effect, intermingled with the occasional sound of a street
+organ. Penelope strained her attention to listen to the music, and it
+was pleasant to her, though the images which it raised in her mind
+were those only of sad regrets. There is more effect produced by those
+street organs than people in general are aware of. Shall we be pardoned
+the strangeness of the expression, if we say that they sometimes give
+a wholesome agitation to the stagnation of the moral atmosphere? And
+shall we be still farther pardoned if we digress, for the sake of
+illustrating by an anecdote the above singular expression? By such a
+digression we are not interrupting our narrative, which is now indeed,
+like its pensive heroine, standing still.
+
+A father had lost an affectionate and promising child, over whose
+long lingering illness he had watched anxiously but hopelessly. The
+poor child had suffered patiently, but had experienced some intervals
+of ease, and some sensations even of delight. A popular melody had
+caught his fancy, and when the wandering organist of that neighbourhood
+played his favourite air, the little sufferer's eyes would brighten,
+and his pale transparent hand would beat the time as knowingly as an
+amateur. That was a scene for a parent to recollect. And the poor
+little one died, and the father, when he had seen the grave closed
+upon the child's remains, returned to his home in a state of apathy:
+feeling seemed to have perished in him. The organist made his
+accustomed round, played the favourite air; the bereaved father was
+awakened to the agony of remembrance, and those tears flowed freely and
+spontaneously, which told that feeling had not departed.
+
+By the itinerant musicians the feelings of Penelope were awakened; but
+she could not help observing how much less emotion she experienced than
+formerly, when these well-known melodies brought to her mind thoughts
+of the absent and the distant. Her mind was otherwise engaged and her
+thoughts otherwise directed. Little did she imagine, when she had been
+anxiously expecting and joyfully anticipating her father's return to
+England, that so dark a cloud would obscure the first dawn of her
+happiness. While she was thus wearing away the slowly moving hours, the
+door of the apartment was opened and Lord Spoonbill made his appearance.
+
+It is a great evil that virtuous men should ever make themselves
+disagreeable, and it is also a great evil that vicious men should
+make themselves agreeable; but the latter is quite as common as the
+former, and perhaps more so. He that exercises no reflection, and never
+turns his thoughts within, has so much the more attention to give to
+the external of manner and address. And so much had Lord Spoonbill
+cultivated manner, that although Penelope had reason to suppose him
+to be no conjuror, and though she had also reason to think that his
+morals were not the most pure, yet he was not altogether offensive and
+disagreeable to her. She could not but feel almost grateful to him
+for having so readily abstained from urging the topic which he had
+mentioned on the day of her meeting with her father. It also appeared
+to her highly flattering and complimentary, that a person of his
+lordship's rank should deign to pay court to one of inferior station;
+for there was not in her mind the slightest or remotest suspicion that
+Lord Spoonbill had any other than the most honourable intention in
+making a profession of attachment.
+
+When his lordship made his appearance, he was received cordially and
+as cheerfully as circumstances would permit. Penelope had now fully
+made up her mind to adopt the profession recommended by the Countess
+of Smatterton, and as Lord Spoonbill had on the previous day, in
+conversation with Mr Primrose, used arguments rather recommendatory
+of that step, the young lady could not of course imagine that there
+remained in his lordship's mind any intention whatever of pursuing the
+subject of his attachment, or renewing any mention of his love and
+devotedness.
+
+This thought gave to her manner a much greater ease, and being also
+blended with the pensiveness of her present feelings, presented her to
+the eye of Lord Spoonbill as more interesting and lovely than ever.
+His lordship was a vain man; and to possess so lovely a creature as
+Penelope, would be the means of gratifying his vanity. He was cunning
+enough however to see that Miss Primrose was quite unsuspicious of his
+designs, and that she did not anticipate a revival of that discourse to
+which her earnest supplications had put a stop. He felt therefore that
+it would not be prudent hastily to recommence a conversation of that
+nature, but to endeavour to render himself more agreeable, and to try
+to ascertain how far there yet remained in her recollection any tender
+thoughts of Robert Darnley.
+
+Such were his lordship's intentions, but they were frustrated by the
+manner in which Penelope spoke, and by the decision with which she
+proposed to cast herself on the patronage of the Countess, and to adopt
+the profession so earnestly recommended by her ladyship. Lord Spoonbill
+to this proposal replied, that the Countess would be most happy to
+afford Miss Primrose all the assistance in her power; and his lordship
+was also pleased to say, that this resolution would contribute very
+essentially to increase the attractions of Lady Smatterton's parties.
+
+Penelope sighed and almost shuddered at the thought; but, as the
+effort was made for the sake of her father, she subdued or concealed
+her reluctance. It was of course understood by his lordship, that this
+resolution of the young lady arose from the loss which her father had
+experienced; it was therefore very natural that some expressions of
+sympathy and concern should be used on the occasion by the hereditary
+legislator. These expressions were gratefully received by Penelope,
+though her language of acknowledgment was only the language of looks
+and imperfectly suppressed tears.
+
+Lord Spoonbill interpreted this emotion as an omen in his favour; and
+he was tempted by his evil genius to say something farther in allusion
+to the prohibited topic. He was greatly and agreeably surprised to
+hear no express and hasty interruption; and fearful lest this silence
+should proceed only from abstraction of mind, he went on to speak more
+decidedly and less equivocally concerning his attachment to the young
+lady. Penelope gave symptoms of understanding his lordship, but shewed
+no decided or obvious marks of disapprobation. There seemed to be,
+and there certainly was, a strong conflict in her mind. She had not,
+indeed, ceased to think tenderly and affectionately of Robert Darnley;
+but she had nearly, if not altogether, ceased to hope. The conflict in
+her mind was between her affection for her father and her indifference
+to Lord Spoonbill. We will not say that her vanity was not flattered by
+the apparent offer of so splendid an alliance. It perhaps influenced
+her as little as it would influence any one; but when the mind is just
+recovering from the pains and mortifications of a first disappointment,
+it is mightily indifferent to matters of sentiment. The very loss of a
+first love is of itself so great an affliction, that it appears as if
+no condition of being could render the affliction greater.
+
+Finding that Penelope returned no answer to his protestations of
+attachment, and that she did not withdraw her hand from his grasp, his
+lordship proceeded to urge his suit in the common language adapted
+for such occasions as the present, and used by such persons as his
+lordship. Penelope, fancying that she was about to give her consent
+to become Lady Spoonbill, prefaced that consent by expressing her
+fears that the Earl and Countess of Smatterton would look down, with
+disapprobation at least, on one so humble and portionless. To obviate
+this objection his lordship, who did not, or who would not see the
+misapprehension of the young lady, observed that the Earl and Countess
+need not know anything of the arrangement.
+
+"But how is that possible?" inquired Penelope in the simplicity of her
+heart.
+
+In explaining that possibility his lordship also explained the object
+which he had in view in making a declaration of his attachment. Now
+Penelope, who had been brought up under the roof and instruction of Dr
+Greendale, and who knew no more of the world than the world knew of
+her, was not able immediately and readily to comprehend his lordship's
+meaning, and when she did comprehend it, she was shocked and astonished
+at it; her pride also, of which she possessed constitutionally an
+abundant share, took alarm at the indignity, and she would, but for the
+utter depression of her spirits, have resented the insult loudly and
+contemptuously. As it was, her only resource was in a copious flood of
+silent tears, and when her paroxysm of anguish was somewhat abated, so
+that she could find utterance for words, she said:
+
+"My Lord Spoonbill, let me request you to leave me. My father will soon
+return, and if he should learn what has passed, I cannot answer for the
+consequences."
+
+The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill began to discern symptoms of a
+horsewhipping, and having acted dishonorably, he looked foolishly. It
+was not generous to attempt to take advantage of the misfortunes of Mr
+Primrose, and the destitute condition of Penelope. But there was in
+his lordship's heart so great a regard for Penelope, that he resolved
+at all events to make her his own, and that if marriage was the only
+condition, he would offer her marriage. With this view he stammered out
+something which he intended as an apology, and endeavoured, as well
+as he could, to unsay all that he had said concerning the humiliating
+arrangement which he had at first proposed; but Penelope heard him not,
+or if hearing, heeded him not.
+
+Hereupon his lordship became more earnest in his solicitations, and
+made such clumsy attempts to explain away his first proposal, that the
+young lady began to think more contemptuously of him than she had ever
+thought before. And now his lordship saw that there was some truth
+and justice in the observations which had been thrown out by his
+friend Erpingham. Seeing the lady so resolute and obdurate, he thought
+it would be the wisest step that he could take to leave her for the
+present, in hope that hereafter her indignation might somewhat abate.
+
+When he was gone, the poor, perplexed, and almost desolate one, felt
+in some measure relieved by his absence; but, when she began to
+reflect, she found that her hopes of the patronage of Lady Smatterton
+were now gone; for it would be absolutely impossible for her to
+place herself again in a situation where she might be exposed to
+the importunities of Lord Spoonbill. And when at a late hour in the
+evening her father returned from the City, it was too much for her to
+receive him cheerfully, and she could no longer speak sanguinely and
+with confidence concerning her prospects under the patronage of Lady
+Smatterton.
+
+As for Mr Primrose, no brighter prospect seemed to shine before him;
+for he had gained no intelligence. He had found, as he might have
+expected, the office of his agent closed, and there was no one in the
+house who could give him the slightest information. He was astonished
+at the world's apathy; no one seemed to sympathise with him. Everybody
+was wrapped up in their own concerns, and the thoughts of all seemed
+to be centred in themselves. This is indeed not much to be wondered
+at. It is the way of the world, and always has been, and always will,
+until some change takes place which we cannot yet anticipate or
+conjecture. It was pleasantly observed by a sentimental jockey, who
+lost by a considerable length the first race he ever rode, "I'll never
+ride another race as long as I live. The riders are the most selfish,
+narrow-minded creatures on the face of the earth. They kept riding and
+galloping as fast as they could, and never had once the kindness or
+civility to stop for me."
+
+In some such state of mind as this was Mr Primrose when he returned
+from his fruitless excursion in the City. All the inquiries which
+he had made about his agent, as to where he was, and how long the
+office had been shut, and what time it would be open tomorrow, and
+ten thousand other matters, had been answered with a toil-saving
+brevity and a coldness, which intimated that the persons answering the
+questions had not so great an interest in them as the person asking
+them.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+
+Many days had now passed away since Mr Primrose had left Neverden and
+Smatterton, and since Robert Darnley had expressed his resolution
+to make prompt inquiry into the cause of the interruption of the
+correspondence between Penelope and himself. There had arrived no
+intelligence from the young gentleman: but Mr Primrose began now to
+think that he himself had not done right in listening and yielding to
+the delicate scruples of his daughter. The father of Penelope was of
+that complexion of mind that, under similar circumstances, he would
+have thanked any one for removing any misunderstanding, even had it
+been the lady herself.
+
+He knew that Robert Darnley had not been the wilful cause of breaking
+off the correspondence, and he knew also that his own daughter had
+not neglected to answer the letters which she had received. He knew
+that the parties were attached to each other, and he had learned from
+Penelope herself that there was no foundation for the story of her
+attachment to Lord Spoonbill. Now what should prevent him from writing
+to Neverden to inform the young gentleman of this fact? He thought that
+it would be an act of kindness to both parties. Nevertheless, it should
+be observed, that Mr Primrose was not one of those terribly kind people
+who force their kindness upon one, whether we like it or not, as the
+man who beat his wife and said, "It is all for your good, my dear."
+
+When therefore he was fully satisfied that it would be but an act of
+kindness to his daughter to remove the mystery from the mind of Robert
+Darnley, he did not take this step without first consulting her for
+whose benefit such step was to be taken. At breakfast he said to
+Penelope:
+
+"So, my dear, my excursion into the City was to no purpose last night.
+I find that I must make an earlier visit, and therefore I shall go
+again to-day. I hope and trust I may find matters not quite so bad as
+I first anticipated. And I think that you need not be in a very great
+hurry to engage in this profession. I cannot say I like patronage. But
+why should not we take some steps to let Robert Darnley know that the
+breaking off the correspondence was not your act? I think I ought to
+write to him. Indeed I almost promised that I would. Very likely he may
+be waiting till he hears from me."
+
+"My dear father," exclaimed Penelope, "you surely would not think of
+such a step as that. It would be exceedingly indelicate, and might
+expose me to contempt. Mr Darnley knows that I am in London, and if
+he were at all disposed to renew the correspondence, or to have an
+explanation of the cause of its interruption, he would either have
+written or have made his appearance in town. Knowing that I was at Lord
+Smatterton's, it was no difficult matter to write to me; for the letter
+would be sure to find me, if directed under cover to his lordship."
+
+"But, my dear child," interrupted Mr Primrose, "I think he expects to
+hear from me; for I recollect now having said something to that effect."
+
+"But after this long interval, if Mr Darnley were really anxious, and
+at all concerned about me, he would have written to press you to the
+performance of your promise."
+
+"He might have done so to be sure," said her father, slowly and
+thoughtfully, and then, as if recollecting himself, he continued in a
+livelier and quicker tone; "but perhaps, as he has not heard from me,
+he takes it for granted that you really were desirous of dropping the
+correspondence; and so after all you will appear to him as the person
+by whose act and deed the acquaintance has ceased."
+
+"And what will he, or can he think," rejoined Penelope, "if, under
+present circumstances, there should be on my part an effort made to
+renew the acquaintance? No, no; let the matter rest. Even if you did
+promise to write first, you may be sure that he would not have waited
+patiently all this while in expectation of hearing from you. He might
+naturally enough suppose that I should object to having overtures made
+as from me; and if he had a real regard for me, we should have heard
+from him by this time. My attachment to Mr Darnley was founded on the
+qualities and endowments of the mind, and if I were deceived as to
+them, that attachment will soon die away."
+
+"Upon my word, child," said Mr Primrose, "I really do not think you
+have any regard for Mr Darnley. You are certainly captivated by this
+Lord Spoonbill."
+
+This was said by Mr Primrose not angrily, but with a tone of mock
+reproach. Penelope shuddered at the allusion to Lord Spoonbill; but she
+endeavoured to conceal her emotion as much as possible, lest she should
+be under the necessity of informing her father of the proposal which
+his lordship had made her the day before.
+
+While this conversation was passing between Mr Primrose and his
+daughter, another scene was passing at the town mansion of the Earl of
+Smatterton, where his lordship and family had arrived on the preceding
+day. Parliament was about to meet after the prorogation. On such
+occasions his lordship's magnificence swelled out to most extraordinary
+dimensions. Then did he bethink himself that he was one of those who
+held in his hand the destiny of the British empire; and, when the
+postman brought letters from divers parts of the kingdom, his lordship
+felt himself to be the centre to which many minds were directing their
+most anxious thoughts. The letters were handed to his lordship on a
+silver tray. The servant who brought them swelled with importance,
+and even the silver tray shone with unusual brightness beneath its
+important burden.
+
+"It is very fatiguing," his lordship would sometimes say, "to have
+anything to do with public business. I often envy the obscurity of
+humble station. There is peace and quietness in the lowly valley."
+
+This, together with much more pompous sentimentality of the same kind,
+his lordship would utter when an unusual number of letters were brought
+to him. On the morning to which we now refer the number of letters was
+great, and they were spread on the table by his important lordship's
+own right honorable hands. The contents of some he anticipated, and of
+others he uttered his conjectures.
+
+"Oh! here are two from Smatterton," exclaimed his lordship: "one,
+I see, is from Kipperson: that Kipperson is really a man of some
+talent; he has very just views of things. This letter from Kipperson
+is of course on private business, which must be postponed to the more
+important affairs which concern the destiny of the empire. But from
+whom can this other letter come? I have no other correspondent there,
+except my cousin Letitia, and this is not her writing."
+
+Then his lordship looked very knowingly at the letter again. But all
+this speechification was perfectly needless; for if he wished to know
+from whom the letter came, he had nothing to do but to open it; and
+till he did open it he was not likely to know anything about it. After
+a full share of idle wonderment, his lordship took the envelope off
+the mysterious letter, and found that it was addressed to Mr Primrose.
+Thereat his lordship was angry, and expressed great astonishment at the
+liberty thus taken with his right honorable name. On looking again at
+the cover he discerned a few lines of apology, bearing the signature
+of Robert Darnley, and stating that the liberty had been taken because
+the writer did not know the gentleman's address, and because he also
+understood that Mr Primrose's daughter was under his lordship's roof.
+
+"And how am I to know the gentleman's address?" exclaimed his
+lordship with a most magnificent air.
+
+But the Countess, who had been informed by Lord Spoonbill that Penelope
+had the intention of returning to undergo her ladyship's patronage, did
+not feel quite so angry as her lord, but suggested that the young lord
+had seen Mr Primrose, and knew the name of the hotel where he lodged.
+
+"Certainly," said Lord Spoonbill, "I will take care of it." And he
+forthwith laid hands upon the letter. Lord Smatterton then added, "I
+beg that Mr Primrose may be immediately recommended to make known his
+address to Mr Darnley, that this liberty may not be taken again."
+
+When Lord Spoonbill had possession of this letter he forthwith began
+to think how he should dispose of it. He was not quite sure, though
+it came from Robert Darnley to Mr Primrose, that it must of necessity
+discourse concerning love and Penelope. When his lordship therefore in
+his own apartment sat muttering over the letter, and wondering what it
+could contain, there was some little more reason for his doubts and
+wonderments than for those of Lord Smatterton over the unopened cover
+addressed to himself. The letter in possession of Lord Spoonbill was
+not addressed to himself, and therefore he had no right to open it,
+however deeply he might feel interested in its contents.
+
+He took up the letter, and looked at the direction and at the seal;
+and he endeavoured to conjecture on what other subject than that of
+Penelope Mr Darnley could write to Mr Primrose. Then did his lordship
+poke his right honorable finger and thumb into the open sides of the
+letter, endeavouring to catch a glimpse of a word or two that might
+help him over the difficulties of conjecture. But the letter was so
+very ingeniously folded that not a single word could be seen. Hereupon,
+incredible as it may appear, his lordship was in a very great wrath,
+and was offended with the insolence of Robert Darnley, who had taken
+such pains to fold his letter, as if he had a suspicion that any
+individual of Lord Smatterton's family should have the meanness to look
+into it. This curious mode of folding the letter induced his lordship
+to make another and another attempt to read a line or a word. But
+nothing could be seen. Now, in the progress of these repeated efforts
+at investigation, the letter was so much disfigured that his lordship,
+with all his ingenuity, could not make it look like itself again.
+
+Another difficulty now arose: for his lordship was ashamed to send it
+in so questionable a shape; and should he send or make any apology, he
+must tell something very much like a lie, and perhaps by his clumsiness
+in apologizing create a suspicion of the real fact. Perplexed and
+undecided, he thrust the letter into his pocket and walked out.
+
+Lord Spoonbill must have been very much attached to Miss Primrose to
+take all this trouble, and to expose himself to so many annoyances
+on her account; and the worst of the matter was that he could not,
+in making his visit to the young lady, quote all these instances of
+mortification and self-denial as illustrations and proofs of his
+devotedness to her. He could not tell her that, for her sake, he had
+stooped to meannesses of which any other man would have been ashamed.
+He could not tell her that, in order to place her in the enviable
+rank of nobility, he had intercepted her letters and had corrupted
+the integrity of Nick Muggins, the Smatterton post-boy. By the way we
+cannot help remarking, that Muggins was much to blame for accepting
+a bribe to betray his trust. But the love of gold is an universal
+passion, it is not confined to any one class or condition of human
+life; it influences the high and the low, the rich and the poor, the
+learned and the unlearned;
+
+  "In peace it tunes the shepherd's reed,
+  In war it mounts the warrior's steed,
+  In halls in gay attire 'tis seen,
+  In hamlets dances on the green;
+  It rules the court, the camp, the grove,
+  And men below and gentlemen above."
+
+But to return to our enamoured hereditary legislator. He was walking,
+he scarcely knew whither, with Robert Darnley's letter in his pocket;
+and he was meditating most perplexedly on the various events of human
+life, on those at least which concerned himself, and he thought that he
+had been acting very much like a fool, and he felt very much inclined
+to make a mighty effort to act like a wise man. But wisdom is not an
+extemporaneous production of a fool's head. It required something more
+than a volition to change the whole tenor of the conduct.
+
+In his resolution to act more wisely, the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill made with himself this stipulation, namely, that at all
+events, and by any means honorable, or dishonorable, he must have Miss
+Primrose; for it was absolutely impossible that he could live without
+her. It was therefore no easy matter for his lordship so to manage
+matters as to gain Miss Primrose at all events, and yet to act as a
+man of honor. For here was in his pocket a letter, which, as a man of
+honor, he ought immediately to hand over to Mr Primrose; and yet he
+very strongly suspected, that if the said letter should come into the
+possession of the person to whom it was addressed, it would be most
+probably the means of placing an insuperable objection in the way of
+his lordship's designs. It also entered into the mind of the meditating
+young gentleman that, if the acquaintance between Miss Primrose and
+Robert Darnley should be renewed, there might be some talk about the
+letters which had not reached their destination, and there might be
+made some enquiries. And what if, after all, Nick Muggins should turn
+traitor! Who could tell what influences fear or hope might exercise
+over the uncivilized post-boy of Smatterton?
+
+Instruction being a much more important object than amusement, we
+feel ourselves bound to direct the attention of our readers to the
+instruction which may be derived from the fact here alluded to. Here
+is political instruction and personal instruction. We do not believe
+a word of the idle prating that some political greenhorns make about
+secret service money; but we do believe that many of those politicians,
+and they are not a few, who mistake cunning for wisdom, frequently
+become entangled in nets of their own weaving, and fall into pits
+of their own digging. To play the rogue with perfect success, is a
+perfection almost beyond the reach of ordinary humanity: for they, who
+have talent and power to do so, are generally too wise to possess the
+inclination, and they who are weak enough to possess the inclination,
+are in nine cases out of ten too clumsy to carry it on with perfect
+success. And the worst of it is, that they must make use of tools which
+are either too strong to be managed, or too weak to be depended on.
+
+This is also a lesson of instruction to persons in private life,
+especially to those who have nothing to do but to live on the fruits
+of their grandfather's industry, or their great grandfather's roguery;
+for it teaches them that, if they will pursue those ends which are
+dishonorable, they must also make use of dishonorable means; and they
+will very frequently be placed in very uncomfortable and mortifying
+situations.
+
+Now, however willing Lord Spoonbill might have been to suffer the
+letter in his possession to reach its proper destination, he found that
+he could not send it without exposing his former meanness to the risk
+of detection, and in all probability defeating the end which he had
+in view in intercepting the letters which were passing between Miss
+Primrose and Robert Darnley. In such perplexity, his lordship walked
+from one street to another till he found himself at a very considerable
+distance from Mr Primrose's hotel.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+
+Lord Spoonbill was not like Cato. For history records of the latter
+that he preferred being good to seeming so: Lord Spoonbill had no great
+objection to being a rogue, but did not like to be thought one. It was
+therefore not very pleasant for him to be placed in that dilemma, of
+which we made mention in the last chapter. He saw, or at least had good
+reason to think that he saw, that Mr Darnley was bent on renewing the
+acquaintance with Miss Primrose; and he also feared that Penelope had
+not sufficiently forgotten her first lover.
+
+There also occurred to his mind the thought that it was possible for
+Mr Darnley to make a journey to London for a personal explanation, if
+the letter to Mr Primrose should not be answered. This consideration
+suggested to his lordship the necessity of taking prompt and decided
+measures. He saw that no chance remained for him but in the way of
+matrimony. He certainly dreaded the encounter with his right honorable
+parents; but, if he could not live without Penelope, it was absolutely
+necessary that he should take steps to live with her.
+
+This is a very proper place wherein to make a digression concerning
+the omnipotence of love; and here we ought to be extremely pathetic,
+shewing and demonstrating with heart-rending eloquence, how
+irresistible is this universal passion: and perhaps some of our
+readers, not many we hope, may think that we ought to make a very
+sentimental defence of Lord Spoonbill, as some of our predecessors
+in the history of lovers have made of those idle cubs who have shewn
+their refinement and sensibility by seducing engaged or betrothed
+affections. But we do not believe in the omnipotence of love; and we
+do not think Lord Spoonbill at all deserving of pity. Falling in love
+with Penelope was on his part perfectly voluntary, deliberate, wilful,
+and intentional. It is all very possible and very plausible for an
+inexperienced and thoughtless youth to find himself mightily attached
+to a young woman before he is aware almost of the existence of the
+passion; but this was not the case with Lord Spoonbill. When he saw
+Miss Primrose he admired her; when he became more acquainted with her,
+he liked her; and, from pursuing, he loved her. But he knew from the
+first that she was otherwise engaged; and his designs towards her had
+been degrading.
+
+We have dwelt long, and perhaps tediously, on Lord Spoonbill's
+embarrassment; we have done so intentionally, because that
+embarrassment dwelt tediously on his mind, and it was necessary,
+for the sake of accuracy in the picture, to represent the case not
+transiently, but copiously.
+
+The result of the right honorable hereditary legislator's meditation
+was, that as it was not possible for him to live without Penelope, and
+as delay might expose him to the danger of being compelled to do that
+which he knew to be impossible, he would take the earliest opportunity
+of making regular and deliberate overtures of marriage. And he felt
+satisfied that the fascination of title and the splendour of opulence
+would be too much for a female heart to withstand. There was also
+another thought on which he grounded his hopes: he considered that
+the affection which Penelope had for her father would induce her more
+readily to accept an offer which would provide her with the means of
+assisting him.
+
+With this resolution he returned home; as he thought that it might be
+more advisable to communicate his intention to the parties concerned
+by letter than by word of mouth. Probably his lordship might imagine
+that, if thus Mr Primrose were made acquainted with the magnificent
+offer that awaited his daughter's acceptance, paternal pride would be
+gratified, and paternal authority might be added to other motives,
+inducing the young lady's compliance. Lord Spoonbill was by no means
+fastidious as to the manner in which he gained his object, provided
+that the object was gained.
+
+His lordship dined that day at home. During dinner he was silent, and
+looked almost sulky. The Earl and Countess inferred from these looks
+that their hopeful son was on the eve of saying or doing something not
+very agreeable to his parents; for he most usually prefaced an act
+of opposition to their will by putting himself into an ill-humour.
+This is a refined piece of domestic tactics. None however but spoiled
+children can use it with proper dexterity and complete success. When a
+wife wishes to persuade her husband out of his senses, or to guide him
+against his better judgment, her prelude is generally an extraordinary
+degree of sweetness, and her preface is made of witching smiles; and
+then the husband thinks that it would be cruel to convert such smiles
+into tears, and he passively yields to the power of the silent logic
+of the laughing eye. But the policy of a great overgrown booby is
+different. The spoiled blockhead knows that no art of his can give
+extra loveliness to his looks in the eyes of his fond parents. His own
+precious numskull is to them the ne plus ultra of human excellence.
+But if that sweet face is darkened by a frown, and if the dear pet is
+sulky, cross-grained, and ill-humoured, then anything and everything
+must be conceded to bring him back to his good-humour again.
+
+"Spoonbill, are you unwell?" said Lord Smatterton.
+
+"No," replied Spoonbill in a style of sulky abruptness, which Tony
+Lumpkin himself might have envied.
+
+"You seem to be quite out of spirits to-day:" said the Countess, in one
+of her most agreeable and winning tones.
+
+"One cannot be always laughing and talking," was the uncourteous and
+ungrateful reply.
+
+Then followed a long pause. The Earl and Countess scarcely dared
+to speak to each other, and Lord Spoonbill pertinaciously held his
+peace. Now such a state of things cannot last long; it is absolutely
+unbearable. Very soon after the servants had left the room, as the
+young man's silence and sulkiness yet continued, Lord Smatterton, who
+thought himself a bit of a politician, gave her ladyship a hint to
+indulge them with her absence.
+
+When they were alone, the Earl of Smatterton thus addressed his hopeful
+son: "Spoonbill, I fear that something is preying upon your mind. May I
+be permitted to know what it is that disturbs you?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill did not make any reply to this consolatory
+interrogation: for he felt very well satisfied that the communication
+of the cause of his concern would not be very likely to remove it. He
+therefore thought it best to contrive, if it could be so managed, to
+let the truth come out gradually, and to bring his father to guess,
+than to tell abruptly, the cause of his oppression.
+
+"You are silent," said the Earl of Smatterton. Lord Spoonbill knew that
+without requiring to be told of it. The Earl then continued:
+
+"Why should you conceal from me anything that concerns and interests
+you? I am only desirous of promoting your welfare; and, if in any
+matter I can serve you, command me."
+
+It is quite contrary to our notions of propriety that sons should
+command their parents; it was also contrary to Lord Smatterton's ideas
+of his own dignity that any one should dictate to him; but in the
+present instance he adopted the courtier's language. As his son did not
+seem disposed to command him, the father felt very much inclined to
+command his son, and to insist with mighty dignity on knowing the cause
+of this strange behaviour. But Lord Spoonbill was rather too old to be
+treated like a boy. His lordship would not be snubbed; but he could not
+always escape a lecturing.
+
+There is this difference between the rational and irrational part of
+the creation; that, among the irrational animals, the parents are in
+haste to give their offspring a hint of their independence; but among
+rational beings, the young ones are more in haste to throw off their
+dependence than parents to renounce their authority or withdraw their
+protection. One reason perhaps for this arrangement is, that rational
+youngsters are not quite so well able to guide and to take care of
+themselves as irrational animals are.
+
+The feeling of which we are here speaking operated very powerfully in
+the minds of Lord Smatterton and his son. The father was especially
+fond of authority, and the son as fond of independence: but the father
+held the purse, and there lay the great secret of his power. Lord
+Spoonbill knew that he could not marry Miss Primrose without the
+consent of more parties than himself and the young lady; he knew that
+the means of an establishment must be contributed by his own right
+honorable father; and therefore his consideration was, how to obtain
+that consent, and how to reconcile his father's well-known horror of
+plebeianism with his own marriage, with the daughter of a man who had
+originally sprung from the City. To have made the proposal flatly and
+plainly, would have put the Earl into a most tremendous passion. It was
+therefore necessary to have recourse to management.
+
+Finding that the Earl was slow in uttering conjectures, Lord Spoonbill
+was compelled to give broader hints; and for that purpose he rose
+from his seat and walked to the fire-place, and put his elbow on the
+chimney-piece, and his hand upon his forehead, and sighed--oh, how he
+did sigh! He would have been a fine subject for Chantrey; but neither
+Chantrey nor any one else could have immortalized that magnificent
+sigh.
+
+At this movement the Earl started, and exclaimed: "Are you in love,
+Spoonbill?"
+
+"Suppose I am, sir;" replied the son of the patrician, "and what
+then?"
+
+"What then!" echoed Lord Smatterton; "that very much depends on the
+person who has engaged your affections. If it be a suitable connexion,
+I shall throw no impediment in your way."
+
+"But, perhaps, what may appear a suitable connexion to me may not
+appear in the same light to you."
+
+"Of course you will not think of marrying a woman of no understanding."
+
+"Certainly not," replied Lord Spoonbill cheerfully and confidently;
+"I could not bear to live with a wife who was not a person of
+intellect."
+
+Some of our readers might not have expected this remark from Lord
+Smatterton, or this reply from Lord Spoonbill; but let those readers
+look out among their acquaintance for a great blockhead, and let
+them talk to him about intellect, and they will not wonder that Lord
+Spoonbill had a fancy for an intellectual wife. There is, now a-days, a
+great demand for intellect, and a demand will always create a supply of
+some sort or other.
+
+"And I think," continued the Earl of Smatterton, "that I know your
+opinions on that subject too well to suppose that you would ever
+degrade yourself so far as to marry a person of low birth."
+
+Lord Spoonbill bit his lips; and said, "I would never marry a woman of
+vulgar manners, whatever might be her birth."
+
+"You are right," said the Earl; "but why can you not tell me at once,
+without all this circumlocution, who is the lady that is destined to
+the honor of becoming Lady Spoonbill?"
+
+Here the young man hesitated and demurred, and endeavoured to say
+something that should amount to nothing. But the Earl was not content
+to be put off evasively, and pressed so hard, that at length the secret
+was extorted. Then was the Lord of Smatterton exceedingly astonished
+and grieved, and he groaned and shook his head most solemnly, and in a
+tone of great anguish of mind, said;
+
+"Oh, Spoonbill! Spoonbill! That you should ever have come to this! And
+have you made the young woman an offer of your hand?"
+
+"I have," replied the son, who thought that the readiest way of
+bringing the matter to a conclusion would be to avow it at once.
+
+But, when the Earl farther enquired whether the offer had been accepted
+or not, the young lord was under the necessity of acknowledging that
+it had not been exactly accepted, but that he had no doubt it would
+be. This was a curious piece of refinement in the art of lying. Lord
+Spoonbill was too scrupulous to commit himself by a downright palpable
+falsehood, which might be detected, but instead of that he had recourse
+to one of those lies, which are not so easy of detection, but which
+answer quite as well the purpose of deceit. It was quite as much a
+lie to say that he had no doubt that his offer would be accepted, as
+it would have been to say that it had already been accepted. But the
+one lie might have been detected, the other could not. He had doubts
+of his acceptance, and serious doubts too; but he thought that if the
+young lady and her father found that the match was countenanced by
+the Earl, and, if proposals could be fairly and fully made before Mr
+Darnley should have an opportunity of holding any intercourse with Miss
+Primrose or her father, there was a possibility of success.
+
+This information was indeed melancholy news to Lord Smatterton, who had
+enjoyed and pleased himself with the thought that he had to boast of
+true patrician blood, and who looked forward to see his only son uphold
+the dignity of his house. There is a pleasure in greatness which none
+but great ones know. It had been the pride of the Earl of Smatterton
+to look down with contempt on such noble families as had degraded
+themselves by admixture with plebeian blood. Now all his sneers and
+sarcasms, he thought, would be turned against himself, and it pained
+him to think that it might be said of him, "that is Lord Smatterton,
+whose son married a woman from the City."
+
+His lordship knew that his son was obstinate and headstrong, and he saw
+that there was no mode of preventing the catastrophe, if the young man
+had set his mind upon it. But notwithstanding he knew that opposition
+must be fruitless, he could not help speaking in his own peculiarly
+emphatic manner against the proposed match.
+
+"Spoonbill," said the Earl, "marry Miss Primrose if you please; but
+remember"--here his lordship made a most magnificent pause--"remember
+that your establishment must be from the fortune of your destined
+bride. From me you have nothing."
+
+Had circumstances been otherwise than they were, and not requiring
+such despatch, Lord Spoonbill would not have heeded this speech. He
+would have known that ultimately he should succeed with his magnificent
+father; but his object was to come to a speedy decision; he wished
+to be able at once to make a decided proposal. At this remark of his
+father Lord Spoonbill was angry and sulky, and he pettishly replied; "I
+think I have a right to marry as I please."
+
+"And I also have a right to use my property as I please; and I
+will never consent to appropriate any part of it to the purpose of
+introducing a woman of low birth into my family."
+
+It may be very well supposed by our readers, that the discussion on
+this interesting topic between Lord Smatterton and his son did not end
+here; and we shall not be blamed for omitting the remainder of the
+angry discussion between father and son on this very interesting and
+delicate topic. It may be very easily imagined that the son went on
+grumbling, and that the father went on prosing, for a considerable
+length of time, and that they did not arrive at any satisfactory
+conclusion.
+
+It may be also very easily imagined that when the melancholy
+intelligence was communicated to Lady Smatterton, her ladyship must
+have suffered very acutely when she found that her beloved and only
+child had so far forgotten the pure and high principles in which he
+had been nourished, as to think of bringing misery and disgrace into a
+noble family, by letting down the Spoonbills to an alliance with the
+Primroses.
+
+It is a pity that in these days of invention and ingenuity no
+contrivance can be hit upon for preventing such miserable and
+heart-breaking casualties, as patrician youths falling in love with
+plebeian damsels. The "order" of hereditary legislators has been in
+many instances most cruelly and mercilessly invaded by impertinent,
+instrusive plebeians. Sometimes love and sometimes necessity have
+compelled an union between the high and low; and yet, notwithstanding
+these painful and melancholy admixtures, patricianism has kept up a
+very pretty spirit of distinctness, and does yet contain some choice
+specimens of the finer sorts of humanity. How much more magnificent and
+sublime patricianism might have been but for these admixtures, it is
+impossible to say.
+
+It is enough however for our present purpose to observe that, with all
+the power which Lord Spoonbill, as an only one and a spoiled child,
+possessed over his parents, he was not able, even with the additional
+force of his sulkiness and ill-humour, to bring them to assent to
+the ill-assorted union which he contemplated. The Earl and Countess
+of Smatterton could not give their consent to such a humiliating and
+degrading connexion. They did not indeed know who or what Mr Primrose
+was, but they did know who and what he was not. They knew that he was
+not of their set; that he was not a man of family or title, and that
+whatever property he might possess, he had acquired it by his own
+diligence or wit. Now that was an abomination, an indelible disgrace,
+a reproach not easily to be wiped away. They took it for granted,
+indeed, that Mr Primrose had some property; but if they had known that
+even the little property which he had was placed in jeopardy, their
+indignation would have been greater still at the folly of their own
+and only precious pet essaying to unite himself with a young woman who
+had nothing to recommend her but the possession of almost every virtue
+that can adorn the female character, united with a strong and masculine
+understanding, and embellished with gracefulness of manners, gentleness
+of deportment, and a moral dignity, which was high enough to look down
+with indifference on the accidental distinctions of society.
+
+All that Lord Spoonbill could gain from his inexorable and right
+honorable parents, was a promise that they would think about it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+
+It is a sad thing to be the most unfortunate creature in the world; and
+the only consolation under such calamity, is the thought that it is
+by no means uncommon. Almost every body is in this condition at some
+period or other of his life. This calamity befel Lord Spoonbill at the
+juncture of which we are now writing. It happened under the following
+circumstances.
+
+We have related that Mr Primrose, after hearing of the stoppage of
+his banker, went into the City to his agent at a preposterously late
+hour of the day, and that in so doing he lost his labour. We have
+also related that, during the absence of Mr Primrose from his hotel,
+the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill called and made overtures to Miss
+Primrose. We have also related that Lord Spoonbill, finding that it was
+absolutely impossible to live without Penelope, and finding also that,
+without an establishment, it would be as impossible to live with her,
+had made known to his respected parents his intention to lead that same
+young lady to the altar, or, in plain English, to marry her. Leading a
+lady to the altar is merely a newspaper phrase, and sounds heathenish;
+we ought rather to say, leading her to the communion table. But, not to
+use superfluous words, let us proceed.
+
+We have narrated that the right honorable parents of Lord Spoonbill
+were indignant at the proposal of their son, and we have also stated
+that despatch was to the young gentleman an object of the greatest
+importance. The reason why he was in so much haste has also been stated.
+
+Now it so happened, that on the very day on which the letter of Robert
+Darnley was intercepted at the house of Lord Smatterton, and by the
+meanness of Lord Spoonbill, Mr Primrose went again into the City and
+called on his agent, and made enquiries concerning the probabilities
+or chances of his bankers paying a good dividend. In these enquiries
+he found himself most agreeably surprised, by ascertaining two very
+important points: one was, that only part, and that no very great
+part of his property had been paid into the hands of the said banker;
+and another was, that what had been already paid there would, in
+all probability, be soon forthcoming again, very little, if at all,
+diminished by the untoward circumstances that compelled a stoppage.
+
+While therefore Lord Spoonbill was sulking and pouting to his papa
+and mama about Penelope Primrose, that young lady was enjoying the
+agreeable and pleasant intelligence which her father had brought from
+the City. The brief discussion which passed between the father and
+daughter concerning the propriety of writing to Robert Darnley, we have
+already narrated. This took place on the morning of the day on which
+Mr Primrose, going into the City, found his affairs in so much better
+order than he had anticipated.
+
+On the evening of that day the subject was renewed, though but faintly
+and indirectly. But in the course of conversation Mr Primrose alluded
+to the offer which Mr Pringle, the new rector of Smatterton, had made
+of accommodating Mr Primrose with the parsonage-house, provided he
+should choose to take up his residence at Smatterton. Now Penelope
+loved Smatterton for many reasons. There had she first learned to
+know and feel what was real kindness of heart. With that village were
+blended all her early associations and recollections. She loved the
+village church, and there was to her ear music in its abrupt little
+ring of six small bells. The very air of the village was wholesome
+to her, morally as well as physically. The great booby boys and the
+freckled girls of the village were her intimates; not her companions
+indeed, but she could sympathize with them, although they could not
+always sympathize with her. She also knew the cows and the dogs and the
+horses. She knew the names of a great many of them; and very often,
+during her short sojourn in the great city, she had called to mind with
+a starting tear the recollection of the monotonous, drawling, daily
+tone, with which the farmers' men talked to these animals.
+
+When therefore her father proposed taking up his abode at Smatterton,
+and hiring for that purpose the parsonage-house, she altogether
+forgot its vicinity to Neverden and its association with the name of
+Darnley, and she was delighted with the prospect of going back again
+to those scenes with which her mind connected images of pleasure and
+recollections of peace.
+
+It was with ready and delightful acquiescence that Penelope assented to
+the proposal; and as Mr Primrose saw that his child was pleased with
+the thought of going to reside at Smatterton, he hastened to put his
+intentions into execution; and at the very time that Lord Spoonbill
+was grumbling about his right to marry whomsoever he pleased, Mr
+Primrose was making arrangements to leave London.
+
+The father of Penelope was not slow in his movements, and he was not
+in the habit of giving his purposes time to cool. He wrote by that
+evening's post to Smatterton, and at an early hour on the following
+morning he and his daughter commenced their journey. So that when Lord
+Spoonbill, who heeded not his father's long lecture on the subject
+of dignity, called again at Mr Primrose's hotel, and heard that the
+gentleman and his daughter were gone, and that they were gone to
+Smatterton, then his lordship was grieved beyond measure, and his
+perplexity was serious, and his fears rose within him: for he took it
+for granted that there must soon be an interview and an explanation,
+and then he distrusted Nick Muggins, and there rose up before his
+mind's eye the phantom of that ungainly cub and his clumsy pony: that
+image which, in the recollection of most who had seen it, would excite
+a smile at its uncouthness, was to the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill
+productive of very painful emotions and disagreeable apprehensions. So
+his lordship thought himself the most unfortunate creature in the world.
+
+Then again there was in his lordship's possession the letter from
+Robert Darnley to Mr Primrose, and his lordship hardly knew what to do
+with that. He thought that the secret of his having already detained it
+for a whole day must inevitably transpire. Whether he should send it
+or detain it would be equally ruinous to his schemes. He looked very
+thoughtfully at the letter, and at length resolved to send it with an
+explanation to Mr Primrose at Smatterton. He thought that, if there
+should be on the letter any symptoms of curious or prying fingers, it
+might be attributed to any one rather than to his lordship; and he
+thought that, at the worst, no one would explicitly charge him with
+an attempt to penetrate into its secresy. The letter was therefore
+despatched with an apology for its detention as much like a lie as
+anything that a lord could write.
+
+There was nothing now left for Lord Spoonbill to do but to sigh over
+his calamitous loss as deeply as he could, and to explain to his
+father, as ingeniously as might be, the singular event of the sudden
+departure of Mr Primrose and his daughter from London, at the very
+moment when a right honorable suitor for the young lady's hand had
+started up in the person of Lord Spoonbill. The son said it was very
+strange, and the father also thought it was very strange, and he
+recommended his son not to have any farther correspondence with persons
+who could behave thus disrespectfully. But the young gentleman was too
+much enamoured to listen to such advice, and he exercised most heartily
+all his little wits to devise means of carrying on his suit to Penelope.
+
+For the present we must leave his loving lordship in London, enjoying
+all the luxuries and splendors which gas, fog, smoke, foolery, wax
+candles, painted faces, late hours, French cookery, Italian music,
+prosy dancing, Whig politics, and patrician scandal, could afford him.
+It is far more to our taste to follow Mr Primrose and his daughter into
+the country than to remain with Lord Spoonbill in London. If any of our
+readers wish to know what Lord Spoonbill did with himself in London,
+they may form a tolerably correct idea from ascertaining how the rest
+of that tribe occupy their time. He was a very fashionable man, he knew
+all the common-places perfectly, and with his own set he was quite at
+home. There let us leave him.
+
+Mr Primrose and Penelope travelled to Smatterton in perfect safety;
+and the father congratulated himself and his daughter upon their safe
+arrival, observing that had they ventured to use the stage-coach
+instead of post-chaises, they would certainly have had their necks
+broken at the bottom of some steep hill.
+
+Their reception at Smatterton parsonage was most cordial and highly
+courteous. Nothing could exceed the happiness of the young rector
+in receiving under his roof so respected a friend as Mr Primrose.
+Preparations had been made according to the best of the young
+clergyman's ability; and, as Mr Primrose's letter mentioned the day
+and the hour of his arrival, Mr Pringle thought that he could not do
+otherwise than make a party to meet the gentleman at dinner.
+
+Since the departure of Mrs Greendale from Smatterton, the establishment
+of Mr Pringle had continued the same, but his domestics had not had
+a very bustling life; and they ventured to contradict the popular
+theory which represents man as a creature of habit. For during the
+reign of Mrs Greendale they had been accustomed to fly about the house
+with unceasing bustle and activity, but since her departure they had
+become almost as lazy as their master. The domestics were two female
+servants, one about sixty and the other about forty. They were clumsy
+and uncouth, but their clumsiness was hardly visible in the time of
+Mrs Greendale; for under her administration they had been habituated
+to move about with most marvellous celerity, and now that the old
+lady was departed they seemed glad to take breath, and they took it
+very leisurely. It was a great mercy that they were not absolutely
+broken-winded.
+
+There was also remaining in the establishment a man servant, an
+amphibious animal as it were, not because he lived partly on land and
+partly in water, but as living partly in the house and partly out
+of it. He was a mighty pluralist, and filled, or rather occupied,
+many places; and from the universality of his genius he might,
+had he been in higher station, have aspired to be prime minister,
+commander-in-chief, lord chancellor, and archbishop of Canterbury. As
+it was, his occupations were quite as multitudinous and heterogeneous.
+His great skill was in gardening, and finding that he was successful
+in cultivating cabbages, he ventured also to undertake the cavalry
+department in the late Dr Greendale's service. His duties here were not
+many or oppressive, seeing that the late doctor kept but one horse,
+and that was very quiet and gentle. This universal genius acted also
+as butler and footman. In this last capacity he did not shine. He did
+not want for head, he had enough of that, and more than enough. As for
+figure, it is difficult to say what that was, it was so exceedingly
+indefinite. It was considerate of the late Dr Greendale that he did not
+task the poor man very hardly as to his department of footman. But the
+new rector loved state, and it was his pride to keep a livery servant,
+and he would also insist upon the attendance of this man at table. And
+though the footman was not himself a great adept in waiting at table,
+he soon brought his master to wait.
+
+With this ungainly establishment, the Reverend Charles Pringle took it
+into his head to give a dinner to as many as he could collect, in order
+to pay a compliment to Mr Primrose, and to pay court to Miss Primrose.
+Unfortunately for Mr Pringle it did not answer.
+
+It would be wearying to our readers to have the particulars and
+the failures of a clumsy mockery of an elegant dinner set forth at
+full length. Let it be supposed that there was expense, inelegance,
+constraint, anxiety, mortification. As we are not writing for cooks, we
+pass over the minutenesses of a spoiled dinner; the greatest evil of
+which was, that the party was in some degree silent during the progress
+of dinner, for they had not much opportunity of talking gastronomically.
+
+The English people can talk, but they must have something to begin
+with. If they meet out of doors, they must begin talking about the
+weather, and within doors, especially at dinner time, they must begin
+talking about eatables and drinkables. From such beginnings they can
+go on to any subject; but they must of necessity have a common-place
+beginning.
+
+After the cloth was removed, and the spoiled or ill-arranged dishes
+were forgotten, the party felt themselves more at liberty. We have not
+yet named the persons who composed the party; and when we say that
+Mr Kipperson, Mr Zephaniah Pringle, and five or six of lesser note
+were present, our readers may well suppose that there was no lack of
+inclination to discourse, especially on the part of those two gentlemen
+whom we have named.
+
+Now it has been stated, that Zephaniah the critic had carried down to
+Smatterton an awkward rumour concerning Penelope Primrose. The source
+from whence the said critic had gathered the information has been also
+stated. But as soon as the intelligence of Mr Primrose's intention to
+reside with his daughter at Smatterton reached the new rector, and
+was by him communicated to his brother and to Mr Kipperson, a virtual
+contradiction was given to the ill report; and then all three of the
+gentlemen found out that they had never believed it.
+
+To render themselves as agreeable as possible to Mr Primrose, the
+three whom we have named talked great abundance of nonsense and
+magnificence. Their first concern immediately after dinner was to
+consult on the best means of saving the nation. Mr Kipperson was well
+satisfied that nothing would or could do the nation the slightest
+service, so long as the agricultural interest was neglected. There were
+two serious evils which were growing worse and worse, the increase of
+the population, and the importation of foreign grain. The ingenious
+agriculturist proved that the farmer was eaten up by the increasing
+population, and that the quantity of grain in the country was so large
+that it could not find consumers.
+
+Zephaniah Pringle agreed with Mr Kipperson in the grand principle that
+there were too many consumers for the corn, and too much corn for the
+consumers. There was the great evil, he thought, in these two troubles
+existing at once; were they in existence separately they might soon
+be got rid of. The consumers might consume an extra quantity, and
+soon settle matters in that way, or the want of corn might thin the
+consumers, and soon settle matters that way. But, while the two evils
+operated together, they were dreadful calamities.
+
+Those of our readers who are not agriculturists, or political
+economists, cannot understand this reasoning, or, more properly
+speaking, they will not; they are blinded by their own interested
+feelings; they have prejudices which agriculturists have not.
+
+But though Zephaniah Pringle agreed with Mr Kipperson, that the people
+were starving because there was too much corn, and that the corn could
+not find consumers because there were so many people to eat it, yet
+he thought that there were more serious evils in the country yet. He
+thought that those obscure seditious newspapers and vile trumpery
+publications, which nobody reads and which everybody despises, which
+are published by a set of needy miscreants, who spare no expense in
+circulating them all over the kingdom, had corrupted the minds of all
+the people in this once happy land. He thought that the nation was in
+a most prosperous condition, and that nothing was wanting to render it
+more prosperous, than an additional number of bishops, and an increase
+in the numbers of the yeomanry cavalry.
+
+Mr Primrose listened with polite and pleased attention to these
+dextrous and acute politicians, and he thought that his Majesty need
+never be at a loss for a prime minister, or for two, if he wanted
+them, while Zephaniah Pringle and Mr Kipperson should live. But, as Mr
+Primrose was neither an agriculturist, nor a political economist, he
+felt himself a little puzzled to reconcile the apparent contradiction
+which was contained in Mr Kipperson's statement of the agricultural
+grievances. Mr Kipperson was very properly angry with Mr Primrose for
+expressing a doubt on the subject; and the scientific agriculturist
+immediately and satisfactorily explained that all the superfluous
+population was pennyless, and could not pay for the corn which they
+would like to consume. Whereupon Mr Primrose understood that in the
+good old times people were born with money in their pockets.
+
+Zephaniah Pringle almost feared that Mr Primrose was a radical, at
+least he thought he was in the high road to become so, unless he should
+resist that foolish propensity of wishing to understand what he talked
+about.
+
+There might have been at the table of Mr Pringle, rector of Smatterton,
+some diversity of political opinion, as there certainly was, seeing
+that Mr Kipperson was a Whig, and Zephaniah Pringle a Tory; but the
+corn question most cordially united them. How far these gentlemen
+differed in some other points, we have seen already in the matter
+of mechanics' institutes. On this subject Mr Kipperson's hopes were
+rather too sanguine; and perhaps Zephaniah the critic was too nervously
+susceptible, on the other hand, of apprehensions of danger to the
+Protestant succession; for, to his mind, the mechanics' institutes
+had no other ultimate object in view than transubstantiation and
+republicanism.
+
+Concerning gymnastics, the gentlemen also differed. Zephaniah condemned
+them in toto, and so did the rector of Smatterton, in spite of his
+whiggism. Mr Kipperson spoke very learnedly about muscles and tension,
+and proved that bodily exercise was essential to intellectual vigour;
+but he had the candour to acknowledge that he could never persuade his
+men to take gymnastic exercises when their day's work was over; and he
+attributed their ignorance of science to their neglect of gymnastics.
+
+The whole of the conversation, to which we have above alluded, did not
+take place in the hearing of Miss Primrose, nor indeed did one tenth
+part of it; for the fatigue of the journey, together with the agitation
+of her spirits, led her to make an early retreat from the dining-room.
+And the old female servant, who had known Penelope from childhood,
+was delighted in the opportunity of again attending upon her. Fluent
+was the old gentlewoman's speech, and mightily communicative was she
+touching the various changes which had taken place in Smatterton and
+Neverden since the decease of the good Dr Greendale. The kind-hearted
+woman also expressed herself delighted at the return of Miss Primrose
+to Smatterton, inasmuch as there was one person who would be so happy
+to see her again, and that person was Mr Robert Darnley. Penelope
+begged that his name might never be mentioned again in her hearing, and
+thereupon the poor old domestic began to fear that there was some truth
+in the stories that had been talked about in the village concerning
+Miss Primrose and Lord Spoonbill. And when the old servant found that
+she could not talk to her late young mistress concerning love-matters,
+she hastily finished her discourse and left the young lady to retire
+quietly to rest.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+
+The news of Mr Primrose's arrival at Smatterton soon reached the
+rectory at Neverden. Had it not found its way there sooner, Mr
+Zephaniah Pringle would have been the first to communicate the
+intelligence on the following morning. The arrival having been
+announced, was of course expected. And there was much anxiety
+felt on the subject by all the parties concerned: of course more
+especially by Robert Darnley. For in consequence of his letter having
+been unanswered, he had fully determined, in spite of all domestic
+opposition and paternal expostulation, to make a journey to London for
+the purpose of explanation.
+
+The elder Mr Darnley was mightily displeased to hear of the purpose
+which Mr Primrose had in view in coming to Smatterton. To the
+fastidious mind of the rector of Neverden it appeared very indelicate
+for Miss Primrose, after what had taken place, to throw herself in the
+way of Mr Robert Darnley: for in no other light could the rector of
+Neverden regard the meditated settlement of Mr Primrose at Smatterton.
+
+It is a great pity that such a man as Mr Darnley, who had for the most
+part a good understanding and good feelings, should be so obstinate
+in his prejudices and so immoveable in his fancies. He had, for some
+reason or other, taken it into his head that Miss Primrose was proud
+and fantastical and unfeeling; and nothing could bring him to think
+favourably of her. He saw everything that she did or said through the
+deceptive medium of his erroneous apprehension of her character. It was
+a vain attempt to turn him from his humour. He had thoroughly believed
+at the first the calumnious report brought from London by Zephaniah
+Pringle. He had also believed that it was Penelope's own wish, purpose,
+and desire, to adopt the musical profession; and though he had felt
+satisfied that the cessation of the correspondence between his son and
+the young lady had sprung altogether from the caprice of the latter,
+yet he considered that this meditated residence in Smatterton was,
+on the part of Penelope, with a desire of meeting again with Robert
+Darnley.
+
+We have already acknowledged, nor do we wish to retract the
+acknowledgment, that the rector of Neverden was a very conscientious,
+attentive, and upright parish priest; we will give him credit for
+great zeal and activity in the discharge of his pastoral duties; but,
+notwithstanding all this, he was grievously deficient in one part
+of the Christian character, seeing that he had very little of that
+"charity which thinketh no evil." We have seen other good people,
+besides the rector of Neverden, who, fancying themselves models of all
+that is right, and patterns for the rest of the world, have exercised a
+perverse ingenuity in discovering, and an unholy pleasure in displaying
+and condemning, their neighbours' faults, real or imaginary. These
+people imagine that they cannot show a dislike of what is wrong without
+exhibiting a degree of malignity against such as transgress. Now the
+late Dr Greendale, though a man of great purity and integrity, had
+no such feeling as this. He was as candid as he was pure, and his
+gentleness was equal to his integrity. And the people of his parish
+liked him very much for his goodness and gentleness, and so his
+character had a very powerful influence upon them. But Mr Darnley was a
+different kind of man.
+
+When Zephaniah Pringle therefore made his appearance at Neverden,
+and repeated the information which had already been conveyed to the
+rectory, as touching the arrival of Mr and Miss Primrose at Smatterton,
+the Rev. Mr Darnley expressed himself astonished at the indecorum and
+want of feeling which Miss Primrose manifested.
+
+"Mr Pringle, I am quite surprized at this intelligence. Your relative
+at Smatterton has certainly a right to let the parsonage-house if he
+pleases; but I must say that I could wish, for the sake of public
+morals, that it had a more respectable tenant."
+
+Now as Penelope had appeared most truly respectable, and not a
+little fascinating in the eyes of Zephaniah the critic, and as he
+was not quite certain that the rumour which he had been the means of
+circulating was quite founded on fact, and as his doubts were stronger
+after he had seen Penelope and her father, he wished to unsay or
+to soften down what he had said. He therefore replied to the above
+exclamation:
+
+"Why really, sir, I must say that I think Miss Primrose a respectable
+young lady, and it is probable that the report which I heard in town
+may not be perfectly correct. And indeed, as the lady is about to
+reside with her father, it is certainly not true to its full extent."
+
+Mr Darnley was not much in the habit of changing his opinion on matters
+of fact any more than on matters of speculation; and having once felt
+himself persuaded that Miss Primrose had acted improperly, it was no
+easy matter for Mr Pringle to bring him to change the view which he
+had entertained of the young lady's character. Reasoning may be a
+very fine thing, and logic may be a very fine thing, and facts may be
+very stubborn things; but neither reasoning nor logic can make a man
+change his opinion, if he does not like to do so; and there are no
+facts in the world so stubborn as a conceited man's own stubborn will.
+Mr Darnley took it for granted that whatever he took for granted must
+be most incontestably true; and Mr Darnley had taken it for granted
+that Miss Primrose had not demeaned herself aright, and nothing could
+convince him to the contrary. He adhered to the general thought,
+though beaten out of all its particulars. We would not recommend any
+one who has exalted notions of the power of reasoning and the force of
+evidence, to endeavour to convince another of any fact or speculation,
+till that other has shewn symptoms of an inclination to believe such
+fact or to adopt such theory.
+
+It was all in vain that Zephaniah Pringle contended that Miss Primrose
+could not possibly be living dishonorably with Lord Spoonbill in
+London, while she was living quietly and reputably with her father at
+Smatterton. Mr Darnley had made up his mind, and nothing could shake
+his conclusions. Of some heads it is observed, that you can get nothing
+into them; of others it may with as much truth be said, that you can
+get nothing out of them. In this latter predicament was placed the head
+of the rector of Neverden.
+
+When therefore Zephaniah found that no impression was to be made on
+Mr Darnley, he gave up the discussion, not a little regretting that
+he himself had, for the sake of gratifying a little vanity in talking
+about his own intimacy with Lord Spoonbill, done an injury which he
+could not undo. He began also to fear lest he should be detected
+and exposed; and under that apprehension he found himself uneasy at
+Smatterton, and wished that his visit was finished. This served him
+perfectly right. He had made public talk of what had been told to him
+in confidence, and as a secret, and he had circulated a calumnious
+report, careless whether it were true or false, and heedless what
+injury it might inflict upon innocence, or what misery it might
+occasion to those concerned.
+
+Yet this prodigiously conceited puppy could and did in his critical
+lucubrations write himself down as being most zealously devoted to the
+service of religion, and he would make a mighty noise about those most
+execrable and abominable caitiffs, who presume to question one iota of
+the faith according to Queen Elizabeth.
+
+It is hard, very hard, that religion should have to bear the reproach
+of the whims, vagaries, bigotry, and fanaticism of many, who are
+sincere in their profession and honest in their intemperate zeal; but
+it is doubly hard that a set of coxcomical greenhorns, who scarcely
+know the difference between the Bible and the Koran, who cannot tell
+why they believe, and who do not care what they believe, who never
+enter a church, and who never doubt because they never think, it is
+doubly hard that all their impertinent arrogance should be laid to the
+charge of a religion which has never influenced one action of their
+lives, or one thought of their hearts.
+
+Finding that Mr Darnley the elder would not listen to or be influenced
+by any recantation of his calumny, the critic next sought for the young
+gentleman to whom he made known the fact of the arrival of Mr Primrose
+at Smatterton.
+
+During the visit, which the loyal and religious Zephaniah Pringle paid
+at Smatterton, there had been comparatively little intercourse between
+him and Robert Darnley. This was owing to two causes: in the first
+place, Robert Darnley was in low spirits, and had not much intercourse
+with any one; and, in the second place, he had a contempt for puppyism,
+and Zephaniah had wit enough to see that he had.
+
+In the present instance it was an object with Mr Pringle to correct any
+erroneous notion which he might have conveyed to the mind of Mr Robert
+Darnley; he therefore began the conversation.
+
+"I think I must have been in an error when I informed you, as you may
+remember, that Miss Primrose was living with Lord Spoonbill."
+
+"Very likely you were, sir," replied Mr Robert Darnley, somewhat
+abruptly; "but did you not insinuate to me that you had the information
+from Lord Spoonbill himself?"
+
+This question was perplexing to the critic. He had insinuated as
+much, but he had not absolutely said so. Therefore he could not
+promptly reply in the negative, but was forced to make use of a little
+circumlocution, saying:
+
+"Why not exactly so; I did not say that Lord Spoonbill himself told me
+in so many words: I merely--I said---that is--a very intimate friend of
+Spoonbill said, that he thought--that is, he understood that--I believe
+he said that he had reason to suspect that some arrangement was likely
+to be made--"
+
+Thereupon the explanation tapered off into an indistinct muttering
+that was sufficient, if for no other purpose, at least to show that
+Mr Zephaniah Pringle was a sneaking, shuffling, contemptible fellow.
+Robert Darnley was not in the habit of flying into a violent passion
+when he felt contempt for any meanness of character or conduct; if
+such had been his temperament, the present was an occasion, all
+circumstances being considered, strong enough to tempt him to knock a
+fool's head and the wall together. He contented himself with coolly
+saying:
+
+"It is a great pity, sir, that you should have circulated a report of
+that nature before you were quite certain that it was true."
+
+"I am very sorry indeed," replied Zephaniah, "that I was led into
+such an error."
+
+"Well, well," said Robert Darnley, "I dare say it will not be
+productive of any very serious consequence. Nobody who was at all
+acquainted with Miss Primrose could possibly believe the report."
+
+Zephaniah Pringle thought it but poor consolation to be told that he
+was not likely to be believed. He felt himself indeed so thoroughly
+humbled, that he was heartily glad to bring his conference with Robert
+Darnley to a close. The critic very soon said, "Good morning," and
+Robert Darnley returned his "Good morning" in such a tone, and with
+such an air, as to make Zephaniah experience the sensation of being
+looked down upon.
+
+It was a great refreshment and relief to the mind of the younger
+Darnley, to hear that Penelope and her father had arrived at
+Smatterton. He had never believed the calumnious tale of the loyal and
+religious critic, but he certainly did entertain some apprehension
+that assiduous attentions from a person of high rank and large estate
+might produce in time an effect even upon the mind of Penelope. As
+now Mr Primrose had come down expressly to take up his residence at
+Smatterton, and as this was not a time of year for such families as
+that of the Earl of Smatterton to take up their abode in the country,
+there was some ground to hope that, if the young nobleman had even made
+endeavours to gain the affection of Penelope, he had not succeeded.
+
+It was the blessing of Robert Darnley's mind that he had a disposition
+to look on the most favorable aspect of events, and it was not in
+his nature to yield himself up to a slight misunderstanding or
+misapprehension. Many miseries might be avoided if mankind possessed in
+general a little more of that kind of considerateness; but the evil
+is, that they too often take up with any idle tale, and are led by
+the merest and slightest apprehensions into quarrels, coldnesses, and
+loss of friendships: inasmuch, that a quarrel is courteously called a
+misunderstanding, much to the reproach indeed of the misunderstanders;
+for it is thereby intimated that the parties quarrel merely for the
+want of taking the pains to understand one another, or sometimes
+perhaps to understand themselves.
+
+Under the circumstances which belong to this narration, it would
+have been very possible for two simpletons to have made themselves
+completely wretched. And as some people are very glad to be miserable
+for the sake of the pathos and sentimentality thereof, we will tell
+these people, though perhaps they could find it out without our
+assistance, how they might make themselves truly wretched under similar
+circumstances.
+
+To gain this desirable end, the gentleman and the lady should have
+despaired of meeting each other again, and should have carefully
+avoided everything that might lead to an explanation, and they should,
+while very much in love with each other, have made all possible haste
+to give their hands to another. They ought to have married, as it
+were, out of spite, and then after marriage they ought to have met by
+accident, and to have explained; and then they ought to have compared
+notes, and to have made it out that one had the worst husband, and
+the other the worst wife, in the world; and then they would have had
+nothing more to do than to have made a very pretty tragical conclusion
+of the business, either giving employment to, what the newspapers call,
+the gentlemen of the long robe, or, more seriously still, causing the
+calling together of a coroner's jury.
+
+It was well for Robert Darnley that such was not his disposition. He
+thought it much the best to ascertain, if he possibly could, what
+were Penelope's real sentiments; and for that purpose he had already
+spoken to her father, and, as no result had come from speaking, he
+had written; and if his letter had not been soon answered, or if Mr
+Primrose had not arrived at Smatterton, he would have visited the party
+in London.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+
+The arrival of Mr Primrose and Penelope at Smatterton gave trouble and
+disturbance to many minds there, and at Neverden. We shall be fortunate
+if, without tediousness, we can explain this.
+
+Zephaniah Pringle was troubled, because he laboured under the
+apprehension that some kind friend or other might communicate to the
+father what had been said of the daughter. And Zephaniah very naturally
+thought that the young lady's father would resent the insult very much
+to the inconvenience, bodily or mental, of the said loyal and religious
+critic.
+
+The elder Mr Darnley was troubled, as we have already intimated, lest
+this arrival should again unsettle the mind of his son. Mrs Darnley
+also thought it was a pity, now Robert had so nearly recovered his
+spirits, that there should be any probability of his being again
+disturbed. Miss Mary Darnley, who, by frequent literary and scientific
+discussions with the learned and scientific Mr Kipperson, had become
+a great admirer of the gentleman, was jealous of the presence of Miss
+Primrose again in the country. The two other young ladies, who did not
+like to hear their father preach, except in the pulpit, were troubled
+with the apprehension of long lectures on the impropriety of being
+improperly in love.
+
+Mr Kipperson also had his troubles; for though it would have given him
+great pleasure to have gained the heart of Miss Primrose, he thought
+he saw several formidable rivals among gentlemen of more suitable age.
+But Mr Kipperson had too much self-love to suffer much from love of any
+other description. Robert Darnley was troubled and perplexed, though
+very much pleased. He now saw that he should have an opportunity of
+ascertaining the truth: but in either case there was an evil. For if
+Penelope still retained a regard for him, there was yet to be dreaded
+the opposition of his father; and if she did not, the change would be
+painful to him.
+
+But the greatest trouble was at Neverden Hall. There was residing under
+the roof of Sir George Aimwell a young lady, who had been consigned
+to the care of the worthy baronet. The name of this lady was Arabella
+Glossop. She had very recently been sent to Neverden by her careful
+father, in order that time, absence, and change of scene, might
+eradicate from her mind an unfortunate attachment which she had formed
+for a pennyless lieutenant.
+
+Here we cannot but suggest to our legislators an improvement, which
+might and ought to be made in our military code. It is melancholy
+to think how many instances have occurred of men of low family and
+no fortune winning the hearts of young ladies of high birth, of
+respectable connexions, and of good fortune. This might be prevented by
+a law, making it felony for a military officer without fortune to fall
+in love with a lady of good family.
+
+Miss Glossop was not indeed of high family; but she was the daughter of
+a gentleman whose family had with great diligence been pushing itself
+up into consideration and importance. The mortification of anything
+like a humiliating connexion was so much the greater. Mr Glossop, the
+young lady's father, was an eminent solicitor in a small but genteel
+town, and had married a distant relation of Sir George Aimwell. Of this
+connexion Mr Glossop was naturally proud; and he made the most of it.
+
+In the town where he lived was a theatre; and the company which
+performed there was pronounced by such London performers as
+occasionally lent their mighty selves for provincial exhibition, to
+be one of the best provincial companies they had ever performed
+with. When an actor from London made his appearance on the stage,
+Miss Glossop honored the theatre with her presence. Greatly did the
+young lady surprize the natives by her studied inattention to what was
+passing on the stage. It was to her a mighty amusement to laugh and
+talk aloud, especially during those passages of the performance which
+were most interesting to the rest of the audience. By such means did
+Miss Glossop manifest her own importance and superiority. This kind
+of public rudeness passed with the ignorant people in the country for
+elegance and fashion.
+
+The young lady was in error in this respect. But not only was she wrong
+in her calculations in this point. Many other blunders did she make.
+For being very pretty, she thought herself handsome; and being tall,
+she thought herself elegant; and being acquainted with many books, she
+thought herself learned; and having a full, clear, comprehensive voice,
+she thought herself a beautiful singer; and being able to perform at
+sight very complicated pieces of music, she apprehended that she was an
+excellent musician; and being rude and blunt in her manner of speaking,
+she thought herself a person of great intellectual superiority; and
+from being very much stared at, she took it for granted that she was
+very much admired.
+
+Now this lady did not apprehend that there was any individual in the
+compass of her provincial acquaintance worthy to aspire to the honor
+of her hand; and she was in the habit of giving herself such arrogant
+and domineering airs at the country balls, that a facetiously inclined
+young gentleman once actually contrived in the advertisement announcing
+these balls, to have the name of Arabella Glossop, Esq., printed as one
+of the stewards. The circumstance caused a great deal of talk at the
+time; but it is now totally forgotten, or at least very seldom alluded
+to. The printer of the paper was forced to tell a great many lies to
+save himself from serious inconvenience.
+
+At one of these country balls there happened to be a lieutenant who was
+quartered in that neighbourhood, and was a person of exceedingly good
+address, and also of good understanding, except that he was so very
+desirous of obtaining a fortune, that, for the sake of money, he would
+willingly have married Miss Glossop. He had heard reports of the lady's
+fortune, and these reports were of course exaggerated. He paid the
+usual attentions, and was so far successful that, had it not been for
+some untoward accident, Mr Glossop's ambition of matching his daughter
+with some gentleman of fortune and consideration in the county, would
+have been frustrated by a poor lieutenant.
+
+As soon as the unfortunate attachment was made known to the father, he
+put himself with all suitable speed into a most towering passion; he
+banged all the doors, thumped all the tables, kicked all the chairs,
+and, but for the interference of Mrs Glossop, would have broken all
+the crockery in the house, because his daughter would not listen to
+reason. The young lady was locked up; but the young lady grew sulky,
+and thought that her dear lieutenant was the most charming creature in
+the world, because her father was in a violent passion. And the more
+angry was Mr Glossop, the more deeply in love was Miss Glossop.
+
+We have said that the young lady was locked up. Now Arabella did not
+like this discipline, and she seriously threatened her inexorable
+paa, that if she was not suffered to have her own way, she would
+either starve herself to death, or go mad. This last idea was no doubt
+suggested by a pathetic passage in one of Oliver Goldsmith's poems,
+wherein he says:
+
+  "The dog to gain his private ends
+  Went mad."----
+
+Whatever apprehensions Mr Glossop might entertain concerning his
+daughter's madness, he certainly had some slight idea that he himself
+might be driven mad by the young lady's perverseness and obstinacy.
+Therefore he adopted the very wise and prudent precaution, in such
+cases made and provided, of sending the lovely and loving Arabella to
+his worthy friend and relative, Sir George Aimwell, Bart.
+
+Mr Glossop wisely thought that absence and change of scene might
+produce a beneficial change in his daughter's mind. The worthy baronet
+was pleased with the charge; for as the shooting season was nearly
+over, and as he had suffered very bitterly from the encroachments of
+the poachers, and as the transgressing ones had made their escape, he
+was glad of anything that promised him a little amusement. Arabella had
+always been a favorite with the baronet on account of her high spirit,
+and when he heard of the nature of the complaint which rendered change
+of air desirable, he very readily undertook the charge, thinking that
+a better remedy was within reach, and that Robert Darnley might very
+probably banish from the mind of his young kinswoman all thoughts of
+the poor lieutenant.
+
+Nor did the baronet judge unwisely. For, as soon as the lady had taken
+up her abode at Neverden Hall, her spirits revived, and her wit and
+humour were all alive again, and her love of admiration was as strong
+as ever, and she very soon pronounced Robert Darnley to be a charming
+young fellow. The worthy baronet was pleased with such good symptoms,
+and had written word to her father accordingly. To a match of this
+nature Mr Glossop had no very great objection. The Darnleys were of
+good family, and the young man was likely to have a good property.
+Perhaps, Mr Glossop would have preferred an union with the family of
+the Earl of Smatterton; but at all events the Darnleys were better than
+poor lieutenants.
+
+The circumstance of Arabella Glossop being placed under the care of
+Sir George Aimwell, had rendered the intercourse between the hall and
+the rectory rather more frequent than usual; and the baronet had of
+course been made acquainted with the fact of Robert Darnley's former
+engagement to Miss Primrose. When, therefore, Penelope and her father
+made their appearance at Smatterton again, and thus gave a virtual
+contradiction to the calumnious report which Mr Zephaniah Pringle had
+circulated, Sir George began to be apprehensive that his schemes with
+regard to the son of the rector of Neverden were very likely to fail.
+
+We have now explained according to the best of our ability, and in
+as few words as distinctness would permit us to use, the varied
+perplexities occasioned by the apparently simple fact of Mr Primrose
+and his daughter taking up their abode at Smatterton rectory. Oh! how
+complicated are the interests of humanity, and what mighty changes
+are made in the history of the world and the destiny of nations by
+movements apparently trifling and of no moment. Common people do not
+observe these things; it is only such wise people, gentle reader, as
+you and I and Tacitus, that can take a philosophical and comprehensive
+view of the history of man. But we must economise our wisdom, or it
+will not hold out. Therefore let us proceed with our history.
+
+The letter which Robert Darnley had written to Mr Primrose, and which
+the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill had fruitlessly fumbled and tumbled
+to ascertain the contents thereof, found its way at last into the hands
+for which it was by its writer originally destined. It was brought to
+Smatterton, as usual, by Nick Muggins.
+
+Nick was a poor lad and a somewhat simple one, though not altogether
+lacking craftiness. He was not so rich as an archdeacon, but he had not
+quite determined that he was too poor to keep a conscience; therefore
+he had not entirely given it up for a bad job. He kept a pony--he was
+almost forced to do so--but he kept his pony very scantily and worked
+it hardly, and the beast was at best but a queer kind of animal. It
+would have been a riddle to Buffon, and a treasure to Sir Joseph Banks.
+Nick's conscience was kept about as scurvily as his pony, and was much
+such another nondescript; but, like his pony, it answered his purpose
+as well as a better; it was kicked, cuffed, and buffeted about, but
+still it was a conscience.
+
+Now this conscience, such as it was, smote poor Muggins right heartily
+when he delivered into the fair hands of Penelope Primrose a letter for
+her father. The poor lad recollected that he had, at Lord Spoonbill's
+expense, drunk several more quarts of strong beer and glasses of gin
+than would otherwise have fallen to his lot, and that he had obtained
+these extra luxuries by putting into the hands of his lordship those
+letters which he ought to have delivered to Penelope Primrose.
+
+When Penelope left Smatterton, and was residing in London, Nick thought
+little or nothing concerning his treachery. But now she had returned
+to the country again, and he had seen her, and she had spoken to him
+kindly and civilly, and had condescended to make enquiries after his
+poor old mother, his heart melted within him, and he could hardly speak
+to her. It was very kind of her to come out and speak to him, there was
+not one young lady in a hundred who would have condescended so much.
+Poor Muggins could not think what had bewitched him to play the traitor
+to so beautiful, so elegant, and so sweet-tempered a young lady as Miss
+Primrose; for Nick had a notion of elegance and beauty, though, to look
+at himself and his pony, one would hardly have imagined it.
+
+That was a curious refinement in Nick's conscience, that he should
+reproach himself so much the more bitterly for his transgression,
+because the person whom he had injured was beautiful and
+sweet-tempered. Perhaps he would have thought less of the matter had
+Miss Primrose been a little, under-sized, snub-nosed, cross-grained
+old maid. But that is a very dangerous and wicked mode of reasoning,
+and wiser people than Nick Muggins are guilty of it; let such persons
+be told that under-sized, snub-nosed, cross-grained old maids have as
+much feeling as the rest of the world, and are as much entitled to the
+advantages and protection of the laws of humanity as the young, and the
+lovely, and the amiable.
+
+Be this as it may, still the ungainly post-boy felt rather awkwardly
+and looked foolishly when he thus encountered the unexpected appearance
+and condescension of Penelope Primrose. And when he returned home
+to his mother's cottage, he could not help acknowledging to her his
+transgressions, and speaking of the remorse that he felt.
+
+The old woman however thought and said, that what was done could not be
+undone, and that he had better be more cautious another time, and that
+mayhap it might not be a matter of much consequence; just a love affair
+like, or some sich stuff; and she concluded by telling him never to
+take money out of letters for fear of being hanged.
+
+"But I am so sorry, mother," said Nick, "you can't think what
+a nice, kind young lady Miss Primrose is."
+
+"Ay, ay," said Mrs Muggins, in reply, "and so is my Lord Spoonbill a
+very nice young gentleman. Never mind now, only don't do so again. And
+what's the use of your telling Miss Primrose anything about it?"
+
+"Oh why, because somehow I think it was such a pity like. She is so
+pretty."
+
+"Nonsense, boy; Lord Spoonbill is a person of much greater consequence
+than a dozen pretty Miss Primroses. I am sure he is as nice a man as
+ever lived."
+
+Nick muttered something about Lord Spoonbill's large whiskers, and the
+colloquy ceased; but Nick was fidgetty still.
+
+The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill suffered much uneasiness, and would,
+had he known what was passing in the mind of Nick Muggins, have
+suffered much more. But our business is now with the good people at
+Smatterton and Neverden, and we must therefore leave his lordship to
+bear his troubles by himself as well as he can.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+
+On the Sunday after their arrival, Mr Primrose and his daughter made
+their appearance at church, and the people of the village stared at
+them of course. The rector of Smatterton preached one of his best
+sermons, and in his best style. The eloquence was lost upon all his
+audience, except Mr Primrose and his daughter; they attended to the
+preacher, and the rest of the congregation attended to them.
+
+When the service was over, Penelope took her father to look at the
+monument which had been raised in the churchyard to the memory of Dr
+Greendale. It was a very handsome monument, and had been put up at the
+expense of the Earl of Smatterton. There was a very long and elaborate
+eulogium on the deceased, which had been drawn up, it is supposed,
+by Mr Darnley, but subsequently corrected and altered by the Earl of
+Smatterton in the first instance, and in the next by the stone-mason.
+
+Mr Primrose had been so long out of England that, for aught he knew to
+the contrary, it might be the fashion now to write nonsense on grave
+stones. There was however a kind intention, and Mr Primrose was pleased
+with it. While the father and daughter were thus mournfully enjoying
+the contemplation of this memorial of their deceased relative's
+virtues, the great boys and girls of the village who had been in the
+habit of bowing and curtseying to Penelope, and who remembered that
+their homage had been graciously received while she lived there under
+her uncle's roof, now thronged almost rudely round them, as if with a
+view of attracting the lady's notice.
+
+For a little while Penelope was too much taken up to notice them;
+but when her curiosity had been gratified, and her feelings had been
+indulged by a few gentle and stainless tears shed to the memory of her
+departed benefactor, she turned round and took particular notice of
+such as she remembered. She asked them such questions as occurred to
+her concerning their respective families and occupations, and she heard
+many an old story repeated concerning the aged and infirm. Enquiries
+were made by Penelope after grandfathers and grandmothers, and in one
+or two instances of great grandmothers. These enquiries were copiously
+or sheepishly answered, according to the several tastes and habits of
+the persons answering them.
+
+There was one little girl in the group whose face Penelope did not
+recollect. The child looked very earnestly at her, and seemed several
+times as if about to make an effort to speak, but awe held her back.
+With her, and as if urging her on to speak, was another and greater
+girl. And the greater girl moved the little one towards Miss Primrose,
+and the poor little girl coloured up to the eyes; but she had gone too
+far to retract, and she was emboldened at last by Penelope's kind looks
+to make a very pretty curtsey and say, "Please Miss--"
+
+The poor thing could get no farther, till Penelope relieved her
+embarrassment by taking hold of her hand and saying, "Well, my dear,
+what have you to say to me? I have no recollection that I have ever
+seen you before. How long have you lived at Smatterton?"
+
+Then the little one was emboldened to speak, and she told Penelope that
+she had but recently come there, and that she had taken the liberty to
+speak, because she had some few weeks ago picked up a letter directed
+to Miss Primrose.
+
+Hereupon the girl drew from her pocket a handkerchief which was
+carefully folded up, and when with great ceremony the handkerchief was
+unfolded, a letter made its appearance, which did not seem to have
+required much careful enveloping to keep it clean. It was miserably
+dirty, and the direction was barely visible. Penelope wondered indeed
+that the child had been able to make out the inscription, so far as
+to ascertain to whom it was addressed; but the hand-writing was so
+manifestly Robert Darnley's, that the young lady felt too much emotion
+and too eager a curiosity to wait to ask any farther particulars of the
+mode, place and time in which the letter was found. Only waiting to ask
+the child her name and place of abode, and to make such acknowledgment
+as is expected in such cases, Penelope hastened home full of contending
+and harassing thoughts, unable to form the slightest conjecture of a
+satisfactory nature concerning this strange occurrence.
+
+Now this letter, together with that which Robert Darnley had written
+to Mr Primrose, and which Mr Primrose gave to his daughter for her
+perusal, set the question completely at rest in the mind of Penelope,
+and assured her that the young gentleman had not by any neglect
+designed to break off the correspondence.
+
+But when one difficulty was removed, another started up in its place.
+There was something very remarkable in a letter being dropped out of
+the bag; but though it was barely possible that such mishap might have
+befallen one letter, it was by no means a supposable case that several
+letters in succession passing between the same persons should all have
+met with the same accident. In the interruption of these letters there
+was clearly design and intention; but what was the design, or who was
+the designer, Penelope could not conjecture. Her suspicions could not
+find an object to rest upon; she was not aware of having any enemies,
+and of course she could not imagine that any one but an enemy could
+have behaved so cruelly. She concluded, therefore, as far as in such
+a case any conclusion could be made, that the interruption of the
+correspondence must have been effected by some enemy of Robert Darnley.
+
+It was not very pleasant to have the idea of some concealed and
+unascertained enemy, but there was something gratifying to Penelope in
+having discovered that verily the cessation of the correspondence had
+not been voluntary on the part of her lover. Therefore, as it appeared
+from the letter which had been picked up that the young gentleman had
+not ceased to write, even after he had some ground to fear that the
+correspondence was discontinued by the young lady, and as it was also
+manifest from the letter addressed to Mr Primrose, that Robert Darnley
+was still desirous of an explanation of the young lady's silence,
+Penelope could not any longer resist her father's proposal that he
+should write to the young gentleman.
+
+The answer was accordingly sent to Robert Darnley, and the explanation
+which he sought was amply and fully given. He was also as much puzzled
+as the young lady was at the circumstance of the letter being picked
+up, and his conjectures found no resting place. His immediate impulse
+was to make direct enquiry of the post-boy, and to extort from him, if
+possible, some account of the very remarkable fact of a correspondence
+actually suppressed by the failure of three letters in succession.
+
+But there was a more interesting matter yet to attend to, and that
+was the meeting with Penelope after a long absence and an interrupted
+correspondence. Robert Darnley knew his father's temperament, and felt
+a difficulty in mentioning the subject to him, but still he could not
+think of renewing the acquaintance with a view to marriage, without
+explicitly informing his father of the intention.
+
+Mr Primrose and his daughter had now been at Smatterton a few days, and
+as the two villages were so remarkably intimate with each other, it
+was impossible for anything to take place in the one without its being
+known in the other. The arrival of the parties had been made known,
+as we have seen, at the rectory of Neverden, and apprehensions were
+entertained by the daughters of Mr Darnley that their father would be
+grievously liberal of his wise exhortations to his yet enamoured son.
+And when two or three days had passed away, and not a word of public
+notice had been taken of the fact in the family of the rector, the
+young ladies began to please themselves with the hope that no notice
+would be taken of the matter, and they trusted that some circumstance
+or other might remove Penelope again, and finally, from Smatterton;
+or, as they thought it not unlikely, their brother might soon fix his
+affections elsewhere.
+
+It was very clear to the young ladies that Miss Glossop,
+notwithstanding her recent disappointment, was something of an admirer
+of their brother; and it was obvious that Sir George Aimwell was
+desirous of cultivating an acquaintance between the parties. The
+worthy baronet was unusually eloquent in praising Miss Glossop, and
+mightily ingenious in discovering innumerable, and to other eyes
+undiscernible, good qualities in his fair kinswoman. But though Sir
+George was a magistrate and a game preserver, he was no conjurer. He
+was not aware that there could exist any diversities of taste; but he
+seemed to imagine that those qualities which were agreeable to himself
+must be agreeable to everybody else; and when he was descanting on the
+multitudinous excellences of Miss Glossop, and describing her to Robert
+Darnley as possessing every possible and impossible virtue, he did not
+see that the young man's mind was of a complexion widely different from
+his own. It was not therefore to this young lady that the daughters of
+the rector of Neverden looked forward as the person likely to liberate
+them from Miss Primrose.
+
+Their hope was altogether of an undefined nature. They merely hoped and
+trusted that something would occur to relieve them from their present
+uncomfortable condition. This undefined hope is, perhaps, after all the
+best that we can entertain. It may appear not very rational, but we
+have a notion that in serious truth it is a great deal more rational
+than that hope which seems to have a foundation in something probable:
+for it is in the very nature and condition of earthly events, that
+they almost invariably disappoint expectation and miserably mock our
+sagacity. If therefore our hopes be of something definite, they will
+be almost assuredly disappointed; but if we only hope generally and
+indefinitely that something, we know not what, may occur to remove the
+cause of our troubles, we may have a much better chance that we shall
+not be disappointed. The chances in our favor are thus indefinitely
+multiplied.
+
+The hope of the young ladies, that nothing would be said about Miss
+Primrose because nothing had been said about her for several days,
+was disappointed on the very morning that Mr Primrose sent his answer
+to Robert Darnley, explaining the cause of the suspension of the
+correspondence. The note from Mr Primrose was brought to Neverden by
+the trusty servant and universal genius who performed at Smatterton
+rectory the various duties of footman, groom, gardener, butler,
+stable-boy, and porter.
+
+Mr Darnley, whose eyes were ever vigilant, no sooner saw the messenger
+than he conjectured what was the object of his coming; that is, he so
+far conjectured as to form an idea that the note was with reference
+to Miss Primrose. When therefore the reverend gentleman heard that a
+note was actually brought from Smatterton rectory, and addressed to Mr
+Robert Darnley, the feeling of curiosity was strongly excited to know
+what was the object of the said note. But, to say nothing of curiosity,
+the elder Mr Darnley felt that it was his duty to be acquainted with
+all correspondence carried on with persons under his roof, especially
+with members of his own family.
+
+Impelled then by a double motive--the power of curiosity and a sense of
+duty--the rector of Neverden very peremptorily commanded the attendance
+of his son in the study. The command was as promptly obeyed as it had
+been authoritatively given.
+
+"You have had a note from Smatterton this morning?" said the father.
+
+"I have, sir," replied the son steadily, but respectfully.
+
+"And may I be permitted to know the contents of that communication?"
+
+"Most assuredly, sir," replied the young gentleman: "I intended to
+acquaint you with its contents as soon as I had read it."
+
+Robert Darnley then handed the paper to his father, who perused it
+with eager haste and anxious excitement. Rapidly however as the rector
+read the communication, he discerned two facts which made him angry,
+and, as he said, astonished. We have observed that the astonishment
+rests upon the testimony only of Mr Darnley's own saying; and we
+have made that observation, because we think that Mr Darnley was not
+strictly correct in his assertion: we do not believe that Mr Darnley
+was at all astonished at those facts. He was no doubt angry when
+he discovered that his son had written to Mr Primrose; and there is
+nothing incredible in the idea that he was angry at the anticipation of
+a renewal of the acquaintance between his son and Miss Primrose. But he
+was not astonished at these things, and he ought not to have said that
+he was. It is however a very common practice, for the sake of giving
+pathos and effect to moral exhortation or expostulation, to express an
+astonishment which is not felt. This is a species of lying, and Mrs
+Opie would certainly set it down as such.
+
+Mr Darnley not only said that he was astonished, but absolutely
+affected to look astonished. But that dramatic species of visual
+rebuke was by no means adapted to produce an impression on Mr Darnley
+the younger; and had the trick been played off by any one else than a
+parent, the young gentleman would certainly have laughed. It has been
+often observed, that children are much more knowing than is generally
+supposed, and the same observation may be applied to children of a
+larger growth. But parents cannot well help considering their children
+as always children.
+
+"And so," said the rector of Neverden, "you have actually had the
+folly to write to Mr Primrose, and to endeavour to renew an acquaintance
+which was clearly and positively broken off by Miss Primrose herself?"
+
+"I think, sir," responded with much gentleness the rector's son,
+"that, if you read this note attentively, you will see that Miss
+Primrose did not positively break the acquaintance, but that by some
+means, as yet unknown, the letters which should have passed between us
+were intercepted. Proof of that is given in the singular circumstance,
+that the last letter which I wrote to Smatterton from India was the
+other day picked up by a child."
+
+Mr Darnley smiled a smile of incredulity and compassionate
+condescension.
+
+"Foolish boy," said he, "and can you suffer yourself to be so easily
+deceived as to believe this story?"
+
+"Surely you will not go so far as to say that Miss Primrose would
+descend to the meanness of asserting an untruth."
+
+"I am asserting nothing concerning Miss Primrose. This note is not
+her's, it is her father's; and I do know that Mr Primrose can use
+profane language; I have heard him. And would such a man hesitate at
+untruth for the sake of an establishment for his daughter? Besides what
+can be more clear than that, now the negotiation with Lord Spoonbill is
+broken off, they are very willing to apply to you again."
+
+There is great power in imagination. Mr Darnley had taken it into
+his head that Penelope had really been simple enough to admire Lord
+Spoonbill, and vain enough to aspire to title on the strength of
+personal beauty. She was what is commonly called a fine young woman,
+and there was in her deportment, especially in the season of health and
+spirits, while her uncle lived, a certain constitutional magnificence
+of manner which might easily bear the name of pride and haughtiness.
+Now as Mr Darnley was himself a proud man, he did not like pride;
+and there is nothing at all paradoxical or inconsistent in this. It
+is perfectly natural that those who feel a pleasure in looking down
+on others and being looked up to, should not be pleased with such as
+indulge them not in their favourite occupation.
+
+There had not indeed ever been in the behaviour of Penelope towards
+Mr Darnley anything actually disrespectful; but Mr Darnley could see
+that her spirit was high and essentially unsubmissive. He had therefore
+always called her proud; and as soon as any suspicion arose of the
+withdrawing of her affections from Robert Darnley, immediately the
+father concluded that this change was owing to the young lady's pride
+aspiring to the hand of Lord Spoonbill; and when she went to London
+to the Countess, then his suspicion seemed corroborated; and when
+she returned to Smatterton, and when Mr Primrose sent the note in
+question to Neverden, then did Mr Darnley feel himself assured that the
+young lady had been disappointed in her calculations concerning Lord
+Spoonbill, and that now she repented her folly in renouncing the hand
+of Robert Darnley, and wished to recall the affection which she had
+spurned.
+
+Under such persuasion, from which not all the logic in the world could
+move him, he smiled at the credulity and the weakness of the young man,
+while the young man was equally astonished and grieved at the immovable
+obstinacy of his father. Such cases sometimes occur, and perplexing are
+they when they do occur, in which a son bearing all possible respect
+towards a father feels himself yet justified in the court of his own
+conscience in acting contrary to his father's will. Thus situated was
+the son of the rector of Neverden. He found that it would be in vain
+to use any arguments, and he was firm in his intention of taking the
+earliest opportunity of acknowledging the receipt of Mr Primrose's
+letter, and of expressing his full determination to renew the
+acquaintance with Penelope. So far was the young man from participating
+in his father's suspicions, that the very arguments which the father
+had used, and the particulars which he had stated, did but strengthen
+his own opinion of the purity and correctness of the young lady's
+conduct; and when he considered the circumstances under which she had
+been placed, he felt a degree of pity for her, and he pitied her also
+that she laboured under those untoward and unfounded suspicions which
+had been excited by the idle tongue of Zephaniah Pringle.
+
+It became in fact to Robert Darnley a matter of conscience to rectify
+all misunderstandings as early as possible. Without therefore affecting
+to enter into any elaborate discussion with his father, he merely
+replied to what had been said: "I cannot say that I view this affair
+in the same light that you do, sir; and I am satisfied that if you had
+a knowledge of all the facts, you would not have reason to blame Miss
+Primrose. I will not pretend to argue with you, or to presume to put
+my knowledge of the world in competition with yours. But I must take
+the liberty to say firmly, though respectfully, that it is my intention
+to see Mr and Miss Primrose, and if I find that Penelope is still the
+same amiable and pure-minded young woman as she was when I first made
+her an offer of my hand, I will repeat that offer; and I am convinced
+your prejudice will wear off, if not by my arguments, at least they
+will give way to the young lady's real excellence of character."
+
+Mr Darnley was not accustomed to be contradicted. Neither his wife
+nor his daughters ever disputed his will, or affected to oppose their
+logic to his determinations. Of his son's obedience and gentleness of
+disposition he had always entertained the highest opinion, and with
+reason: but he forgot that everything has its limits, and there is a
+point beyond which compliance and obedience cannot go. If Mr Darnley
+had said at the close of his son's last speech, "I am astonished,"
+he would have spoken truly. He was indeed astonished, but he was
+not frightened out of his propriety; he was rather frightened into
+propriety.
+
+For a few seconds he was absolutely speechless and almost breathless.
+But soon respiration returned, and the power of speech returned
+with it; and his momentary gasp of astonishment gave him time for
+consideration. He considered in that brief interval that he had no more
+power over his son than his son chose to give him, and he thought it a
+pity to endanger his influence by attempting to retain his authority.
+Subduing himself, he replied:
+
+"If you will be obstinate there is no help for it. But I could wish
+that you would listen to reason."
+
+Thus speaking, Mr Darnley left the apartment, angry but endeavouring to
+keep himself calm.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+
+Mr Darnley's study overlooked the avenue which led to the house. For a
+study it was not well situated, inasmuch as it was next to impossible
+for any one but a person of great powers of abstraction to keep himself
+free from interruption. The situation however was very well adapted to
+the humour of the rector of Neverden; for thus he could observe every
+one who approached the house, and exercise a continual superintendance
+over his establishment, seeing that no one could enter or leave the
+house without his knowledge.
+
+At the study window Robert Darnley took his station, looking listlessly
+towards the road that passed the end of the avenue and led towards
+the village of Smatterton. Turning a little towards the left hand he
+could see at a very short distance the magnificent towers of Smatterton
+castle and the smart gilt weathercock of Smatterton church. The young
+man was beginning to grow sentimental and melancholy; but soon his
+thoughts were diverted from sentimentality by the appearance of Nick
+Muggins and his pony fumbling their clumsy entrance at the great white
+gate that opened into the road. Better riders than Nick are sometimes
+puzzled at opening a heavy swing gate on horseback; but Nick would
+always manage it without dismounting, if he had to make twenty efforts
+for it.
+
+Nick was certainly a picturesque, though by no means a poetical object;
+and his appearance dispersed the gathering cloud of lackadaisicalness
+which was just threatening Robert Darnley with a fit of melancholy.
+Other thoughts, though bearing on the same object, now took possession
+of him; and as he was very straitforward and prompt in whatever
+occurred to him, he immediately resolved to question the boy concerning
+the lost letters.
+
+For this purpose, without waiting for the arrival of the letter-carrier
+at the house-door, Robert Darnley went partly down the avenue to meet
+him. Nick made one of his best bows, and grinned his compliments
+to the young gentleman on his arrival in England; for this was the
+first meeting of the parties since the rector's son arrived at home.
+Robert Darnley was not a man of compliments; he proceeded directly to
+business. Producing from his pocket the letter which had been picked up
+by the little girl, he held it out to the lad, saying:
+
+"Muggins, can you give any account of this letter; it was picked up in
+the road the other day; do you ever drop the letters out of the bag?"
+
+Muggins, who was as cunning a rogue as many of his betters, concealed
+his conviction and shame as well as might be, and took the letter into
+his hand with much simplicity of look, and gazed upon it for a while
+with "lack-lustre eye;" not that he had any great need to examine the
+letter in order to answer the question, but thereby he gained time to
+meditate a lie of some kind or other. After looking at it for a few
+moments he handed it back to Robert Darnley, and said:
+
+"Please, sir, I can't make out the 'rection of it."
+
+That might be true, but it was not much of an answer to the question
+which was proposed to him.
+
+"The direction of the letter," answered Darnley, "is to Miss Primrose
+at Smatterton. Now do you remember ever losing a letter that should
+have been delivered at the rectory at Smatterton?"
+
+Nick Muggins, we have related, was so melted by the condescending
+kindness of Penelope Primrose, that his heart smote him sorely for
+his unfaithfulness to his trust, and he was on the very verge of a
+confession of his iniquity; but then Penelope was not likely to
+horsewhip him, whereas there did appear to the sagacious mind of the
+treacherous letter-carrier some possibility of such operation being
+performed by the more vigorous arm of Robert Darnley; and as such a
+catastrophe must be exceedingly unpleasant to a man of any feeling,
+Nick resolved to use his utmost sagacity to avoid it. The question
+therefore, which was last proposed, he answered thus:
+
+"I've took a great many letters to Smatterton parsonage, sir, and I
+don't never remember losen none as I took there."
+
+Here again was an equivocation worthy of the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill himself. Robert Darnley thought that Nick Muggins was a fool,
+but Nick was not such a fool as he looked. He had prodigiously fine
+diplomatic talents, but 'Full many a flower, &c.' as the poet says.
+
+All the questions and cross-questionings of the son of the rector of
+Neverden could not extort from the carrier of the Smatterton and
+Neverden letter-bags any information leading to the discovery of the
+circumstances to which the interruption of the correspondence might
+be attributed. In despair of ascertaining anything, Robert Darnley
+ceased his interrogations, and the uncouth rider of the indescribable
+beast then handed to his interrogator his share of the contents of the
+letter-bag. It was only one letter, and the superscription was in an
+unknown hand.
+
+The young gentleman opened the letter with great eagerness of
+curiosity, and looking to the end of it he found that it was anonymous.
+He endeavoured to read and comprehend the whole by one glance, but it
+did not betray its meaning so obviously; he was therefore under the
+necessity of reading it regularly line by line. We are not much in the
+habit of printing letters--we think it a breach of confidence; but, as
+the present is anonymous, we venture to give it:
+
+"A sincere well-wisher to Mr Robert Darnley, though a total stranger,
+or nearly so, wishes to caution an unsuspicious and generous mind
+against a deep-laid plot, which has for its object to entrap Mr D.
+into a marriage, which will bring with it poverty and disgrace. It may
+not be altogether unknown to Mr D. that a certain gentleman, who shall
+be nameless, once ruined a handsome fortune by gaming. This gentleman
+now professes to have repaired his shattered fortunes, and to have
+forsaken entirely his vicious habit. But this is mere pretence. Nearly
+the whole of that which he acquired abroad, he has in a short time lost
+by gambling at home; and now he gives out that his loss arises from
+the stoppage of a banking-house in town. Concerning the character of
+a young lady nearly related to the gentleman above alluded to, Mr D.
+would do well to make the strictest inquiry before he ventures on the
+irretrievable step of marriage. Mr D. ought to ascertain why Smatterton
+is chosen for her residence. The ---- family is not residing at the
+castle, but it is possible that an individual of that family may find a
+pretence for an incognito visit there. A word to the wise is enough."
+
+A letter such as this was almost too much for Robert Darnley. He
+was honest, candid, and unsuspicious; but even in such minds as his
+jealousy may be excited, and the above letter very nearly answered the
+purpose.
+
+Instead of going directly to Smatterton, according to his first
+intention, he returned to the house, and read over and over again this
+mysterious and anonymous epistle. But there was nothing in it which
+could afford him the slightest information as to the source from whence
+it came, or the motive with which it could have been written.
+
+It was peculiarly mortifying, after the magnanimous, prompt, and
+decided avowal which he had made to his father, of his intention of
+renewing his acquaintance with Miss Primrose, that he should meet with
+this painful and perplexing interruption. He began to wish that he
+had not been quite so positive. He supposed that of course his father
+took it for granted that the threatened visit to Smatterton would
+be paid that very morning. And he had dreaded meeting the family at
+dinner, should the visit have been paid; but still greater would be his
+mortification to meet his father again and be forced to acknowledge
+that he had not been to Smatterton. It would be but natural to ask if
+he had been there, and quite as natural to ask why he had not.
+
+The answer to these enquiries would involve the young gentleman in a
+dilemma, to extricate himself from which would require the talents
+of a Muggins, or a Spoonbill. But Robert Darnley was not cut out for
+shuffling and equivocating. His only consideration was, how far it
+might be prudent to inform his father of the receipt of the anonymous
+letter.
+
+For the purpose of giving himself time for uninterrupted meditation, he
+sauntered out from the house, and, as it were unconsciously, turned
+his steps towards the village of Smatterton. And he thought, as he
+walked along, that it would take several days at least, if not some
+weeks, to ascertain the truth or falsehood of the insinuations. He knew
+not where to seek for information, or how to gain evidence either on
+one side or the other. If he should not very soon make a visit to Mr
+Primrose, it would seem manifest that his intention was not to renew
+the acquaintance with Penelope; and very mortifying indeed would it be
+to him, if, after making enquiries and finding that the insinuations
+of the anonymous letter were unfounded, malicious and mischievous, he
+should, by his tardiness or mean suspicions, have forfeited the good
+will of the young lady.
+
+Fortunate for him was it, that while he was thinking on the subject of
+this anonymous communication, and putting the case that it might be
+the work of some malicious and ill-designing one, there occurred also
+to his recollection the lost letter which had been picked up by a
+stranger. With the recollection of that came also again to his mind the
+image and tone and look of the crafty letter-carrier, and the shuffling
+evasive answers which the cunning dog had given to his interrogatories.
+
+Wise and penetrating reader, who can'st dive most deeply into human
+motives, and read the movements of the human heart, we beseech thee
+not to impute it to stupidity or obtuseness in our friend Robert
+Darnley, that he could not sooner see the probability of the existence
+in some quarter or other of a spirit of treachery at work against him.
+His own mind was of a very unsuspicious cast, and he was not in the
+habit of looking for deeply-laid schemes, but he gave general credit
+to appearances and ordinary assertions. He was not unaware of the
+existence of roguery, or of the circulation of unfounded reports, but
+he did not look very commonly and cunningly for tricks and falsehood
+in the everyday movements of human life. But when he once had ground
+for suspicion, he had sagacity enough to pursue the investigation, and
+prudence enough not to be deceived when once put on his guard.
+
+He thought again of the anonymous letter, and he knew that there was
+no individual residing in London sufficiently acquainted with him to
+have written this letter for his sake. He thought of the intercepted
+letters, and of the allusion to Lord Spoonbill, and he thought of none
+so likely to have intercepted those letters as Lord Spoonbill himself.
+An apprehension of something near the truth now came firmly and
+distinctly upon his mind.
+
+Under the impression of this thought, he moved somewhat more rapidly
+and decidedly towards Smatterton, almost resolving that he would
+actually call at once on Mr Primrose, and renew his acquaintance with
+Penelope. He thought that he possessed penetration enough to discover
+if there were in the young lady's deportment and carriage any symptoms
+of a diminished or impaired moral feeling.
+
+It would not be much out of his way to go through the park, and as
+there was a footpath passing very closely by the castle, he designed to
+take that route, that, if meeting any one of the domestics, he might
+be able to ascertain whether or not Lord Spoonbill was expected at
+Smatterton.
+
+Not many steps had he taken with this intention before he had the
+satisfaction of meeting the unfaithful Nick Muggins, shuffling back
+from having delivered up his charge. Nick saw the young gentleman, and
+would gladly have avoided the meeting; but there was no way of escape,
+except by going back again to Smatterton, and that was quite out of
+the question, for at the public-house of that village he had spent his
+last allowable minute. Finding that the encounter must take place,
+Nick whistled himself up to his highest pitch of moral fortitude, and
+put spurs to his beast. He might as well have struck his spurs against
+a brick wall. The rough-coated quadruped had been too long in the
+service of government to be put out of his usual pace by Nick's spurs,
+and these said spurs had been long enough in the service of Muggins to
+have lost their virtue.
+
+Nick's next resource was to give Mr Robert Darnley the cut indirect,
+and to ride on without seeing him. But that was no easy matter in a
+narrow unfrequented road. Before the rogue could resolve what to do,
+the parties were together, and Robert Darnley, advancing into the
+middle of the road, gave command to the lad to stop. Disobedience of
+course was not to be thought of; and though the consciousness of guilt
+and the suspicion of accusation made him tremble, yet the necessity of
+concealment rendered him very cautious of betraying any emotion.
+
+The appearance of Robert Darnley's countenance was at this interview
+very different from what it had been an hour or two ago. For, in the
+first instance, he had been merely making an unsuspicious enquiry, and
+his interrogations had been more for the purpose of gaining information
+than for fixing an accusation. Now, he felt as if he were examining a
+criminal, and he directed a stern enquiring look towards the uncouth
+varlet, who blinked like an owl in the sunshine and seemed to be
+looking about for something to look at; for he was ashamed to look at
+Robert Darnley, and afraid to fix his eyes elsewhere.
+
+"Muggins, have the goodness to dismount," said the young gentleman;
+"I wish to have a little talk with you."
+
+That was a movement by no means agreeable to Mr Muggins, who would
+thereby be brought into closer and more perilous contact with an ugly
+ill-looking elastic knotted cane, which was bending under the pressure
+of Mr Darnley's hand. Muggins therefore, in answer to this command,
+said with all the coolness he could muster:
+
+"Please, sir, I maan't stay long."
+
+"Nonsense," replied Darnley; "dismount, I tell you."
+
+Now Muggins thought that if he was destined to receive a caning for a
+violation of his trust, he need not add to his troubles by provoking
+Mr Darnley to administer an extra application to him for refusing to
+dismount. Down therefore came Nick, and at the word of command fastened
+his horse to a gate-post.
+
+"Now, Muggins," said Robert Darnley, "if you don't tell me the
+truth, I will cane you as long as I can stand."
+
+"Sir?" said Muggins, in a tone of well-feigned astonishment, and with
+the accent of interrogation.
+
+"Will you tell me the truth, sir?" repeated the interrogator.
+
+"What about, sir?" asked Muggins.
+
+That question does by no means redound to the credit of Muggins; for
+had he been a truly honest lad, he would have been ready to tell the
+truth on any subject.
+
+"What about!" echoed Darnley; "about those letters, to be sure, which
+you ought to have delivered at the rectory at Smatterton. Tell me what
+you did with them, this moment."
+
+A threatening aspect accompanied, and a threatening attitude followed
+this speech. Muggins gave himself up for lost. If he called out
+"murder," there was none to assist him; running away was an absolute
+impossibility; resistance would be vain; and shuffling would no
+longer answer the purpose. It is astonishing how powerfully present
+considerations overwhelm and command the mind. If Muggins could have
+mustered up sufficient energy of purpose to resist the threats of
+the son of the rector of Neverden, he might afterwards have laid his
+case before the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, by whose interest he
+might have gained promotion, or by whose liberality he might have been
+handsomely rewarded. But all other thoughts and considerations were
+lost and absorbed in the elastic cane, which seemed vibrating with
+anxious eagerness for a close acquaintance with his shoulders.
+
+Cowering and trembling, the guilty one, whose craftiness would no
+longer avail him, dropped abjectly upon his knees and blubberingly
+implored for mercy, on consideration of revealing the whole truth.
+Darnley, who thought more of the happiness of renewing his acquaintance
+with Penelope than of the pleasure of caning a graceless varlet,
+readily promised mercy upon confession. And so great was Nick's
+gratitude for the mercy promised, that he told the whole truth, and
+gave up the character of Lord Spoonbill to contempt.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+
+When the interview recorded in the last chapter had concluded, both
+parties were pleased; but the pleasure of the one was far more durable
+than that of the other. Nick Muggins enjoyed but a negative delight in
+having escaped an imminent and threatening peril. But afterwards he
+began to reflect; for he could think, seeing that he had nothing else
+to do.
+
+It is worth notice, that many apparently stupid, ignorant and obtuse
+cubs, whose employment is monotonous and mechanical, possess a certain
+degree of shrewdness, and exhibit occasionally symptoms of reflection
+and observation to which more cultivated and educated minds are
+strangers. Curious it is also to see the gaping wonderment with which
+those, whose wisdom is from books, regard those who happen to have any
+power or capacity of thought without the assistance of books. Gentle
+reader, when you are next requested to write some wise sentence in a
+lady's album, write the following: "books are more indebted to wisdom,
+than wisdom is to books."
+
+Nick, we have said, began to think; and the farther he was removed from
+Robert Darnley's cane with the less delight did he contemplate his
+escape. It came also into his mind that, although this young gentleman
+had withheld the threatened infliction, yet there were other troubles
+awaiting him, and other dangers threatening him. Drowning mariners, it
+has been said, seldom calculate upon the consequence of their vows. Nor
+did Muggins calculate upon the probable consequences of the confession
+which he had made to escape an impending castigation.
+
+He had escaped the cane of Robert Darnley, but he had thereby exposed
+himself to the danger of a similar visitation from the hand of Lord
+Spoonbill. There was also some probability, and no slight one, that he
+might in addition to other calamities suffer the loss of his place.
+People in office do not like to lose their places, for it makes them
+very ill-humoured and provokes them to all manner of absurdities. Nick
+also thought that if his place should be taken from him in consequence
+of this his unfaithfulness, Lord Spoonbill would be also exposed, and
+Lord Spoonbill being exposed would be mightily angry with Nick, and,
+being angry with him, would not make him any remuneration for his loss.
+Moreover Nick thought that Lord Spoonbill would call him a fool for
+having divulged the secret, and Nick did not like to be called a fool.
+Who does? So, in order to avoid being called a fool, Nick meditated
+playing the rogue.
+
+We by no means approve of this conduct, and we record it not as an
+example, but as a caution; and we would seriously recommend all
+persons in public offices to be as honest as they possibly can; or if
+this political morality appears too rigid and savours of puritanical
+strictness, we would advise them to be as honest as they conveniently
+can.
+
+The scheme of roguery which the letter-carrier devised, was destined
+to be effected by means of epistolary correspondence with the Right
+Honorable Lord Spoonbill; but fortunately for the rogue, as even
+rogues are sometimes fortunate, the trouble of writing was saved him
+by the personal appearance of Lord Spoonbill himself at the town of
+M----, where Nick Muggins dwelt, and from which he carried the letters
+to Smatterton and Neverden. It was a great pleasure to Muggins to be
+saved the trouble of writing, for that operation was attended with much
+labour and difficulty to him, seeing that he had many doubts as to the
+shapes of letters and the meaning of words.
+
+Muggins had not been at home many minutes before Lord Spoonbill
+presented himself to the astonished eyes of the unfaithful
+letter-carrier. His lordship was wonderfully condescending to honor so
+humble a roof by his presence; but it was not the first time that he
+had paid a visit to Mr Muggins in his own house. The object, or more
+properly speaking the nature of the object, of his visit was guessed
+at, and the spirit of Nick's knavery was kindled within him, and he was
+prepared to say or do aught that his lordship might dictate or propose,
+for the purpose of furthering the hereditary legislator's right
+honorable pursuit.
+
+Nick's residence is not indeed a matter of much importance to the
+world, nor does its locality or aspect bear powerfully on the
+development of our catastrophe, or greatly assist the progress of our
+narrative. But we describe it, because we may thereby give our readers
+a more complete and impressive idea of the great condescension of Lord
+Spoonbill in visiting so obscure an abode.
+
+The town of M---- was situated on the banks of a river. The streets
+were long and narrow, and the houses high and dingy. The ground on
+which the town was built was uneven, and the materials with which it
+was paved were execrable. This is spoken of the best parts of the town,
+of those streets which stood on the higher ground. The inferior part
+was not paved at all, and was approachable only by an almost abrupt
+descent through a lane or narrow street, in which the houses nearly met
+at the top. The ground on which a passenger must walk was of a nature
+so miscellaneous as almost to defy description, and quite to puzzle
+analysis. Black mud, as everlasting as the perennial snows which rest
+on the summits of inaccessible mountains, decayed vegetables of every
+season of the year, refuse fish, unpicked bones of every conceivable
+variety of animals, deceased cats and dogs and rats in every possible
+degree of decomposition, broken bricks and tiles, and shreds of earthen
+vessels of all variety of domestic application, sticks, stones, old
+shoes, tin kettles and superannuated old saucepans, formed the dead
+stock of the street. And the live stock was by no means calculated to
+give to the spectator a high idea of the dignity of human nature. The
+fair sex in these regions appeared by no means to any great advantage;
+nature had done little for them and art less. In their voices there
+was less melody than loudness, and in their language more energy than
+elegance. They expressed their feelings without circumlocution, and
+resented indignities with hand as well as tongue. In the air which they
+breathed there might be enough to discompose and irritate, for the
+decomposition of sprats is by no means fragrant; and when an atmosphere
+is constantly burdened with the effluvia of soap, tallow, and train
+oil, it is not calculated to soothe the irritated nerves.
+
+To pass through such a region as this could not have been mightily
+agreeable to the refined senses of Lord Spoonbill. But not only did he
+pass through it, but he sought out in one of its meanest habitations
+the carrier of the Smatterton and Neverden letter-bags. All this
+however he did patiently undergo for love of Penelope Primrose.
+
+"Muggins," said his lordship, "have you left a letter at Neverden
+within this day or two for Mr Darnley?"
+
+"Yes, my lord," replied the carrier.
+
+"And did you see Mr Darnley when you delivered the letter?"
+
+"Oh, yes, my lord, I see Mr Robert himself. And please, my lord, I am
+almost afraid that you and I will be found out."
+
+"Found out, you rascal! what do you mean?"
+
+"Why, I means, my lord, please your lordship, that one of them letters
+as I give your lordship is been picked up, and Mr Robert Darnley showed
+it to me and axed whether I knowed nothing about it. And he said he'd
+kill me if I did not tell him, and so I told him that I didn't know
+nothing where it come from. And so, my lord, I'm quite afeard to go
+again to Neverden, only I don't know what to do just to get a bit of
+bread."
+
+At this information the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill was perplexed.
+
+"Why, Muggins, if that is the case," said his lordship, "you had
+better get away."
+
+"Yes, my lord, but what will become of me if I give up my place?"
+
+"Oh, leave that to me!" said his lordship, "and I will take care you
+shall be no loser."
+
+This was the point to which the crafty one wished to bring his right
+honorable friend. Suffice it then to say that Lord Spoonbill, fancying
+that he should place discovery out of the reach of probability, made
+the rogue a very handsome present, and gave him letters whereby he
+might find employment in London, which would more than compensate for
+the loss of his place in the country.
+
+Then did Lord Spoonbill under cover of night's darkness find his way
+to Smatterton castle, pleasing himself with the thought that his
+well-formed scheme was now likely to take effect, and that Mr Robert
+Darnley, after the warning of the anonymous letter, would not be very
+hasty to renew his acquaintance with Miss Primrose. It was of course
+supposed by our readers, and intended to be so supposed, that the
+anonymous letter above alluded to was sent, if not by Lord Spoonbill
+himself, at least by his instigation, and for the purpose of forwarding
+his designs. And, that the merit of the communication may not be
+ascribed to a wrong personage, it is right to inform the world that the
+writer of the same letter was Colonel Crop. By this gallant officer
+Lord Spoonbill was now accompanied to Smatterton castle.
+
+Colonel Crop was an excellent travelling companion, for he never
+disturbed the train of his fellow-traveller's thoughts by any
+impertinent prating. The dexterous economy which the colonel exercised
+over his words and actions was quite surprising. He could make a little
+go a great way. If for instance any friend, and many such there were,
+invited the gallant colonel to dinner, it would seem that thereby an
+occupation were afforded him for an hour or two previously for the
+purpose of dressing. But the ingenious time-consumer managed to make
+a whole morning's work of it. Equally economical was he of words. For
+if his Right Honorable friend Lord Spoonbill should talk to him for a
+whole hour together, the colonel would think it quite sufficient to
+reply to the long harangue by simply saying: "'Pon honor! you
+don't say so."
+
+With this lively companion did Lord Spoonbill journey towards
+Smatterton; and as his lordship wished to be left to his own thoughts,
+his friend was not unwilling to indulge him; and thus did the
+hereditary legislator enjoy the pleasure of silently congratulating
+himself on the dexterity with which he had managed this affair; and
+more especially was he delighted at the fortunate circumstance of
+having removed Nick Muggins far away from the danger of being tempted
+or terrified into confession of his unfaithfulness.
+
+It did not enter, nor was it likely to enter into the mind of Lord
+Spoonbill, that Nick Muggins had already impeached, and that Robert
+Darnley was in possession of all the facts of the case. There was
+something else also in the transactions of that day unknown to and
+unsuspected by his lordship. That other matter to which we here allude,
+was the visit which Robert Darnley had paid to Mr and Miss Primrose.
+
+At the close of the preceding chapter we related that Mr Darnley
+and the letter-carrier parted after their interview, and we have
+accompanied Nick back to his home, and have narrated what took place
+there. We may now therefore return to Robert Darnley, and accompany him
+also in his visit to Smatterton.
+
+After he had ascertained from Muggins the truth of the matter
+concerning the suppressed letter, he no longer heeded the anonymous
+communication which he had received; and instead of passing through the
+park as he had designed, he proceeded immediately to the rectory.
+
+He was most happy in the thought that now all doubts and perplexities
+were removed from his mind, and he was much better able and far more
+willing to believe that Penelope still remained pure, honorable, and
+affectionate, than to give credence to the foul calumnies which had
+been circulated concerning her. There are individuals in the world
+of whom it is, ordinarily speaking, almost impossible to think ill.
+Such was the character of Penelope Primrose to those well acquainted
+with her. But the elder Mr Darnley being a mightily pompous and grand
+sort of man, looked at almost every one from an awful distance.
+Discrimination of character was by no means his forte. He thought that
+the whole mass of mankind was divisible into two classes, the good
+and the bad. He considered that the good must do as he did, and think
+as he thought; and that the bad were those that opposed him. It was
+his notion that it required only a simple volition for the good to
+become bad and for the bad to become good. And when he heard that Miss
+Primrose had transgressed, he forthwith believed the tale and renounced
+her.
+
+But to say nothing of the affection which the younger Darnley
+entertained for the lady, and the pleasing hopes with which for so
+long a period he had been accustomed to think of her, he could not
+think it possible for a mind like hers ever to descend to the meanness
+with which she had been charged. He did think it possible that,
+in consequence of a supposed neglect on his part, and by means of
+ingenious assiduities on the part of another, that her regards might
+be transferred from him; but even that he would not believe without
+positive evidence. Many a faithful heart had been broken, and many an
+honest man has been hanged, by circumstantial evidence.
+
+The meeting of the lovers was silent. They might have been previously
+studying speeches; but these were forgotten on both sides. And in
+their silence their looks explained to each other how much they had
+respectively suffered from the villany of him who had interrupted their
+correspondence. After a long and silent embrace, and gazing again and
+again at those features which he had so loved to think of at a mighty
+distance, Darnley at length was able to speak, and he said: "And you
+have not forgotten me!" How cold these words do look on paper. But from
+the living lips which spoke them, and from the energetic tenderness
+with which they were uttered, and from the thought of that mental
+suffering and that withering of heart which had been occasioned by
+the fear of forgetfulness, and above all from the circumstance that
+these were the first words which Penelope had heard from those lips
+for so long, so very long a period, they came to her ear and heart
+with a thrilling power, and awakened her from her silent trance to the
+expression of that feeling which had almost subdued her.
+
+"Forget!" she was attempting to echo her lover's words, but
+emotion was too strong for the utterance of words, and she finished her
+answer by falling on his neck and weeping audibly.
+
+Might it not have done Lord Spoonbill good to have witnessed this
+scene? Surely it might have taught him how little prospect there was of
+the success of his designs; and he might, had he possessed the ordinary
+feelings of humanity, have thought that the coronet must be brilliant
+indeed which could tempt Penelope to renounce her lover.
+
+But Lord Spoonbill saw it not, and suspected it not; if he had, it
+certainly would have saved him a great deal of trouble.
+
+The lovers, when they did recover themselves sufficiently to speak
+composedly and collectedly, had volumes of talk for each other, and
+Darnley was interested and moved by the narrative of Penelope's
+excursion to London, and the narrow escape which she had from a
+profession so ill adapted to the character and complexion of her mind.
+But in all the conversation Darnley did not mention to Penelope the
+anonymous letter which he had that morning received, nor did he say
+a word concerning the confession of the letter-carrier. As to the
+anonymous letter, he would not insult her even by alluding to the
+existence of evil reports; and as to the suppressed letters, he feared
+lest the impetuosity of the young lady's father might be productive of
+mischief. He thought it at all events most desirable, at least so long
+as they might remain in the neighbourhood of Smatterton castle, to let
+Penelope suppose that the loss of the letters was accidental.
+
+There may be some persons who think that under present circumstances it
+was the duty of Robert Darnley to send Lord Spoonbill a challenge, or
+to bestow upon his lordship that chastisement with which Nick Muggins
+had been threatened. That Lord Spoonbill deserved a bodily castigation,
+we will readily concede; but as to duelling, we conceive it to be a
+very silly and useless practice, and we are not sorry that we are
+not compelled to relate of the younger Darnley that his inclination
+prompted him to adopt that very equivocal mode of demonstrating himself
+to be a gentleman, or man of courage.
+
+Very pleasantly passed the two or three hours which Robert Darnley
+allowed himself to spend at Smatterton parsonage; very awkwardly passed
+the dinner hour on his return to Neverden parsonage; for the Rev. Mr
+Darnley would not speak to his son, and poor Mrs Darnley and the young
+ladies were afraid to speak when the rector was silent.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+
+At a late hour in the evening Lord Spoonbill, accompanied by his worthy
+friend Colonel Crop, arrived at Smatterton castle. The domestics were
+instructed not to make the arrival public, for his lordship was not
+desirous of being interrupted by any invasions of callers. His object
+professed to be the making some arrangements, and laying down some
+plans for alterations and improvements.
+
+Colonel Crop was an excellent counsellor. He was one of those admirable
+advisers, whose suggestions are always taken, and whose advice is
+always welcome, for he never gave any advice except that which was
+dictated to him by the person whose counsellor he was. He would have
+made an excellent prime minister for any sovereign who might not like
+to be contradicted. His reverence for lords was very great, and far
+greater of course would have been his reverence for kings. He would no
+more think of reasoning with or contradicting a lord, than a common
+soldier would think of refusing to march or halt at the word of his
+commander.
+
+Now when this worthy couple had finished a late dinner, and Colonel
+Crop had assented to and echoed all that Lord Spoonbill had been
+pleased to affirm as touching the excellence or the reverse of the
+various meats and drinks composing their dinner, the hereditary
+legislator began the work of consultation.
+
+"Well, Crop, it is a good thing that I have sent that rascally
+letter-carrier away."
+
+"Very," replied the colonel.
+
+"It would have been quite shocking if he had been terrified or bribed
+out of his secret."
+
+"Quite," replied the colonel.
+
+"Now I have been thinking," continued his lordship, "that you may
+be of great service to me in this affair."
+
+"You may command me," replied the colonel.
+
+That was true enough, and so might any one who would feed him. Young
+men of weak minds and vicious habits are very much to be pitied when
+they have such friends and companions as Colonel Crop.
+
+"You know Miss Primrose by sight, colonel?" said his lordship.
+
+"Can't say I do," replied the colonel; "I have seen her once, but I
+took very little notice."
+
+"I must introduce you then. Now you remember the trouble I had with the
+old ones about this affair, and you know that I was fool enough, as I
+told you, to go so far as actually to make Miss Primrose an offer of
+marriage."
+
+The colonel gave his assent to this proposition also; for he seemed
+to think it an act of rudeness to contradict a lord, even when he
+called himself a fool. And so perhaps it really is; for a lord ought
+to know whether he is a fool or not, and he would not say it if he did
+not believe it; and there is also a degree of wisdom in the discovery
+that one has been a fool, for thereby it is intimated that the season
+of folly is over. Whosoever therefore actually says that he was a fool
+formerly, virtually says that he is not a fool now. So no doubt did
+the colonel interpret the assertion of Lord Spoonbill, and with this
+interpretation he said, "Exactly so."
+
+"But I think now," proceeded his lordship, "I may have the young lady
+on my own terms. But the difficulty is how to manage the business
+without alarming her, and perhaps bringing down some deadly vengeance
+from that father of her's, for he is as fierce as a tiger."
+
+That which is a difficulty to an hereditary legislator and heir to
+a title and large estate, must of course be a difficulty also to a
+half-pay colonel, who loves to depend upon occasional dinners, and,
+like a hospital, to be supported by voluntary contributions. Therefore
+the colonel said:
+
+"Ay, that is the difficulty."
+
+"If by any means we could contrive to get the father out of the way,
+we might perhaps get rid of some obstacle. Crop, can you hit upon any
+scheme to separate them?"
+
+"Can't, 'pon honor," replied the colonel, who probably thought that
+it was not becoming in him to be more ingenious than his feeder. The
+colonel indeed was willing to do whatever he might be bid, to say
+whatever might be put into his mouth, to write whatever might be
+dictated to him, and to go wherever he might be sent. But he was by no
+means a self-acting machine. He would do anything for any body, but he
+required to be told explicitly what to do.
+
+After a pause of some minutes, Lord Spoonbill observed; "Perhaps some
+use might be made of the stoppage of Mr Primrose's banker. I forget
+the name; have you any recollection of it?"
+
+"Can't say I have, 'pon honor;" replied the colonel.
+
+To proceed much farther in narrating this lively dialogue which took
+place between the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill and Colonel Crop, as
+to the most likely means of forwarding the designs which his lordship
+meditated against Miss Primrose, would contribute more to the reader's
+weariness than to his amusement or edification. It will be enough
+in the present state of affairs to say, that this notable colloquy
+terminated in the determination on the part of his lordship to take no
+immediate steps in the affair till he had ascertained what effect the
+anonymous letter had produced upon Robert Darnley. For this purpose,
+Colonel Crop might render himself useful. Instructions were therefore
+given him accordingly, and he was ordered to ride over to Neverden
+Hall, where he might be most likely to gain some information.
+
+Early therefore, on the following morning, the gallant colonel found
+his way to the mansion of the worthy baronet and able magistrate, Sir
+George Aimwell. The unpaid one was mightily well pleased at the visit,
+and he shook the hand of the half-paid one till his fingers ached.
+
+"Well, Colonel, I am glad to see you. So you are tired of the gaieties
+of London already, and you are coming to relieve our dullness in the
+country. How are our noble neighbours?"
+
+"Quite well, I thank you," replied the colonel, who felt himself one
+of great importance in being able to speak so readily and assuredly
+concerning nobility.
+
+And here we will take the opportunity, and a very fit one it is, of
+observing on a very curious fact, namely, that the reverence for
+nobility and high rank is not felt so acutely and powerfully by simple
+and unmixed plebeians, as it is by those who have some remote affinity
+to nobility, or who fancy themselves to be a shadow or two of a caste
+above the mere plebeian. Colonel Crop was not of noble family, but he
+was the last of a mighty puissant race of insignificant attenuated
+gentry in a country town; and as nobility was a scarce article in the
+neighbourhood where he was born and brought up, he was mightily proud
+of his intimacy with the noble family of the Spoonbills. But to proceed.
+
+"Now, colonel, as you are here," said the worthy baronet, "I hope you
+will stay and spend the day with me."
+
+We are always popping in our remarks upon everything that is done and
+said; and here again we cannot help remarking that Sir George Aimwell
+might have had the grace to say "with us," as well as "with me;"
+but he thought so much of his own magisterial self, that he had no
+consideration of any one else.
+
+To the invitation thus given the gallant colonel scarcely knew what
+to say, for his commission, though very definite as to purpose, was
+not definite as to time. Now the colonel, though a man of family, was
+somewhat obtuse, and by some people would have been called stupid; and
+he scarcely knew whether or not he should communicate to the amiable
+magistrate at Neverden Hall, the fact of Lord Spoonbill's incognito
+presence at Smatterton castle. And as it was not possible for him to
+send back to the castle for further orders, he thought that the most
+prudent step that he could take would be to leave the matter of dining
+undecided, and go back in person to Smatterton for full directions.
+
+He gave therefore an undecided answer to the baronet's invitation,
+saying that he had some "little matters" to attend to at Smatterton,
+and that, if he possibly could return to Neverden in the evening, he
+should be most happy to take his dinner with the worthy baronet.
+
+Back therefore to Smatterton trotted the convenient colonel, in order
+to report progress and ask leave to sit at the baronet's table. Now we
+"guess" that some of our readers are sneering most contemptuously at
+this convenient colonel, and admiring the placid facility with which
+he is moved about from place to place at the nod of an hereditary
+legislator, and obeying all the commands of a tadpole senator. Yet why
+should any one think that he is unworthily or degradingly employed.
+Only let us imagine for a moment that the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill is a most gracious, or a most Christian majesty, and that
+his negociations are for precisely the same purpose as they are at
+present; or that from negociations of this nature there may have arisen
+between two mighty and puissant nations a just and necessary war--such
+things have been--then would the said Colonel Crop, in his capacity of
+negociator, be regarded with profound admiration by all his majesty's
+most faithful and loyal subjects; and morning and evening papers
+would be proud of putting forth second editions to immortalize his
+diplomatic movements. But, as it is, ours is the only record of these
+matters.
+
+When Colonel Crop therefore returned to Smatterton castle, and informed
+his right honorable employer of what had passed at Neverden, Lord
+Spoonbill thought, though he did not say, that Colonel Crop was a great
+booby.
+
+"Why, colonel," said his lordship, "by all means go back and take
+your dinner with Sir George; you may find out something about Darnley; I
+am in no hurry for your return, only let me know all that you can
+collect concerning this young lady; and above all endeavour to find
+out whether Mr Robert Darnley is spoken of as her future husband, or
+whether the acquaintance between them is broken off. That is all I wish
+to ascertain at present. I shall then know how to act. For don't you
+see that, if Darnley keeps at a distance in consequence of the present
+reports, I am more likely to have her on my own terms. There is no
+heart so easy to win as that of a disappointed lover."
+
+With his instructions back went the colonel to Neverden. And as we have
+not the opportunity of giving verbal or senatorial advice to mighty
+and puissant princes, we will here do all we can for the good of our
+country, and of all countries into the language of which this history
+may be translated, by advising and most earnestly recommending that
+blockheads, however valorous or gallant, like our friend Colonel Crop,
+be not employed in diplomatic offices. There is a very great difference
+between the vigorous arm that can break a man's head, and the ingenious
+dexterity which can bend a man's heart. And, generally speaking, those
+people can have but little regard for brains, whose business it is to
+knock them out.
+
+For want of a dexterous diplomatist, Lord Spoonbill, as we shall see
+hereafter, was exposed to great inconvenience, and suffered mighty and
+serious disappointment.
+
+Colonel Crop was not sorry that leave was granted him to dine at Sir
+George Aimwell's. For the baronet had an excellent cook, and the cook
+had an excellent place, and few are the instances in which there exists
+so good an understanding between master and servant, as in the present
+case there did between the worthy magistrate and his as worthy cook.
+
+Whether Colonel Crop did or did not possess the organ of hope strongly
+developed in his skull, we cannot tell, for the gallant colonel has not
+yet been hanged; if he had, we might have found any organs we pleased;
+but we may suppose that he had the organ of anticipativeness, for his
+thoughts dwelt so seriously and intently upon the good dinner that he
+was likely to enjoy at Sir George Aimwell's table, that he did actually
+and truly forget a great part of his errand. Oh, how selfish is mortal
+man!
+
+The colonel, however, with all his propensity to oblivion, had
+sufficient memory to recollect that his business was to ascertain
+whether Mr Darnley, son of the rector of Neverden, still continued his
+acquaintance with a young lady or not. At the table of Sir George
+Aimwell there was introduced a young lady, Miss Glossop. The name of
+Glossop bears no very marked affinity to that of Primrose, but by some
+strange fatality or fatuity, the gallant colonel confounded them. The
+young lady, by a certain dashing style of behaviour, passed off with
+the colonel as a remarkably fine young woman; and when Sir George
+Aimwell spoke banteringly to her concerning Robert Darnley, then the
+gallant negociator was sure that this was the lady in question.
+
+There was a still farther corroboration in the circumstance that this
+lady was gifted with remarkable vocal powers. The colonel was no great
+judge of music, but he could see that she played very rapidly, and he
+could hear that she sung very loud; and therefore he entertained the
+same notion of her musical talents which she herself did.
+
+The musical exhibition took place after tea. Lady Aimwell cared little
+about music or anything else, and in the presence of her husband's
+visitors she generally shewed her dignity by looking sulky. But Colonel
+Crop was so vastly polite, that her ladyship was generally more civil
+and courteous to him than to any other guests who were attracted to
+Neverden Hall by the fame of the baronet's cook.
+
+And while Miss Glossop was amusing herself with melodious
+vociferations, and singing and playing so loud that the poor magistrate
+could hardly keep his eyes shut, Colonel Crop and Lady Aimwell were
+engaged in a whispering or muttering conversation, all about nothing
+at all. They both agreed that it was remarkable weather, neither of
+them had remembered it so mild for many years. Lady Aimwell was very
+well pleased to hear Colonel Crop's common-place nothings which he had
+brought from London, and her ladyship related all that had taken place
+at Neverden since the colonel was there last.
+
+Her ladyship was not especially partial to Miss Glossop. There was some
+little jealousy in the heart of Lady Aimwell that this stranger, as it
+were, should occupy so much of the baronet's attention. Disagreeable
+people are generally the most jealous. Her ladyship noticed the music.
+
+"I wonder," muttered the fretful one to Colonel Crop, "that Sir
+George can bear to hear such a constant noise. I am sure he knows
+nothing of music. There is a great deal of talk about her fine voice and
+her rapid execution; her voice sounds to my ear very much like the voice
+of a peacock."
+
+Saying this her ladyship smiled, because it was almost witty, and the
+colonel also smiled, for he too thought it was witty.
+
+"But I beg your pardon, colonel," said her ladyship; "perhaps you may
+be partial to music?"
+
+"By no means," replied the colonel, "and I was not aware that Sir
+George was partial to it. Our friends at the castle are very musical."
+
+It was pleasant for the colonel to be able to talk about our friends
+at the castle; but Lady Aimwell, though not very ambitious of publicity
+in the gay world, was rather jealous of the Smatterton great ones, and
+thought herself treated with too much haughtiness and distance by the
+Earl and Countess.
+
+"I wish that all that noise and affectation were at the castle, instead
+of tormenting me."
+
+Thus spoke Lady Aimwell. Now, thought Colonel Crop, there was a fine
+opportunity for introducing his diplomacy; and for that purpose the
+gallant negociator said, in a very knowing accent:
+
+"But I think I have heard that this young lady is likely to give her
+hand to a Mr ---- Mr ---- bless me, I forget names."
+
+"Do you mean Mr Darnley," said her ladyship, "the son of our
+rector?"
+
+"Yes, yes," replied the colonel, "I believe that is the name;
+Darnley, Darnley, ay, ay, that is the name. This lady is going to be
+married to Mr Darnley, I have heard."
+
+"Oh no!" replied her ladyship, "I don't believe it. I can hardly
+think it probable. Indeed--but I hope it will go no further"--
+
+Here her ladyship spoke in a still lower key and more subdued tone, and
+the gallant colonel listened with profound attention, and with great
+delight did he hear her ladyship thus speak:
+
+"There has, I believe, been some talk about such an affair, and Robert
+Darnley has met her here once or twice. But the truth is, he seems to
+know her character and disposition too well. And if there were any such
+thoughts on his part, I am sure he has given up all such idea by this
+time. Indeed, I do not think that there ever was much regard on either
+side."
+
+This was grand intelligence for the colonel. He felt himself mightily
+important. He soon ceased the conversation, and took his leave of the
+family at Neverden Hall, and he reported all that he had heard and seen
+according to the best of his ability.
+
+"Well, my lord, I have seen your Arabella."
+
+"Penelope, you mean;" interrupted his lordship.
+
+"Ay, ay, Penelope; bless me, how soon I forget names. So I have seen
+her and heard her."
+
+"She plays and sings delightfully," said Lord Spoonbill.
+
+"Wonderfully," replied the colonel, who was more than usually eloquent
+in consequence of the good success of his diplomacy: "to be sure I do
+not understand music, but I never saw so rapid an execution in my life."
+
+"But," interrupted his impatient lordship, "did you hear anything
+about that Darnley?"
+
+"Yes," replied the colonel, with mighty pomp and energy of manner.
+"Lady Aimwell told me, in confidence, that Darnley knew her character
+too well to think of marrying her. These were her ladyship's own
+words."
+
+"Now, Crop, you have done me a service indeed. Now I think the day is
+our own."
+
+When the good friends parted for the night, his delighted lordship was
+so occupied with his own sweet thoughts that he was quite intoxicated
+with joy. He would, had he been able, have sung a _Te Deum_; and it
+would be very well if _Te Deum_ had never been sung on occasions quite
+as unworthy as, if not infinitely more so than the present.
+
+
+END OF THE SECOND VOLUME.
+
+  LONDON:
+  PRINTED BY C. H. REYNELL, BROAD STREET, GOLDEN SQUARE.
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES:
+
+Inconsistent spelling has been retained, unless it's clearly a
+printer's error.
+
+This is a list of the corrections made:
+
+  Smattertno     => Smatterton
+  too verturn    => to overturn
+  gird           => girl
+  enoug          => enough
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Penelope: or, Love's Labour Lost, 
+Vol. 2 (of 3), by William Pitt Scargill
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44159 ***
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+<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44159 ***</div>
+
+<div class="tnote covernote">
+  <p class="noind">The cover image was created by the transcriber and is placed in the public domain.</p>
+</div>
+
+<h1>PENELOPE:<br />
+
+<span class="x-small">OR,</span><br />
+
+LOVE&#8217;S LABOUR LOST.</h1>
+
+<p class="frontispiece p2">A NOVEL.</p>
+
+<p class="small frontispiece p2">IN THREE VOLUMES.</p>
+
+
+<p class="frontispiece p2 big">II.</p>
+
+<hr class="r5" />
+
+<p class="p6 frontispiece">
+LONDON:<br />
+<span class="small">PRINTED FOR HUNT AND CLARKE,</span><br />
+<span class="x-small">YORK STREET, COVENT GARDEN.</span><br />
+</p>
+<hr class="xsmall" />
+<p class="frontispiece">1828.</p>
+
+<p class="p6 frontispiece">
+LONDON:<br />
+<span class="small">PRINTED BY C. H. REYNELL, BROAD STREET, GOLDEN SQUARE.</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p class="p6 frontispiece big b2">PENELOPE:<br />
+<span class="small">OR,</span><br />
+LOVE&#8217;S LABOUR LOST.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<h2>Table of Contents</h2>
+
+
+<div class="center">
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="TOC">
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_I">Chapter I.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_II">Chapter II.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_III">Chapter III.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV">Chapter IV.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_V">Chapter V.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_VI">Chapter VI.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_VII">Chapter VII.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_VIII">Chapter VIII.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_IX">Chapter IX.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_X">Chapter X.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XI">Chapter XI.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XII">Chapter XII.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIII">Chapter XIII.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIV">Chapter XIV.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XV">Chapter XV.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVI">Chapter XVI.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVII">Chapter XVII.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIII">Chapter XVIII.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIX">Chapter XIX.</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Lord Spoonbill</span> was not less disappointed than
+the Countess of Smatterton, to hear that Penelope
+was in daily expectation of seeing her father.
+Hereditary legislators are sometimes perplexed,
+and in the present case the son of the Earl of
+Smatterton was in a state of grievous doubt and
+agitation.</p>
+
+<p>His object in the first instance had been to
+take Penelope under his protection, and he supposed
+that if the correspondence between her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span>
+and Robert Darnley could be broken off, there
+would be very little difficulty in inducing her to
+comply with his proposals. For it was his intention
+to make a most liberal settlement and to
+place her in a very handsome establishment.
+Living as he had always in splendour, and
+enjoying the luxuries and ostentation of wealth,
+though accustomed to them from his birth, he
+thought, that to one educated in such humble
+obscurity as Penelope had been, these fascinations
+would be irresistible. During the short
+time that he had been under the same roof with
+her, he had seen and observed more of the
+character of her mind, and he felt that it was not
+personal beauty alone that she possessed, but
+that her disposition was kind and her temper
+beautiful; and therefore he loved her with a
+much purer regard than ever he had before
+entertained for any one of the sex. He loved her
+so much, in fact, that he absolutely regretted
+that her rank in life was not nearer to his own.</p>
+
+<p>It now also occurred to him, from what he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span>
+had heard in the autumn, that it was very
+probable that Robert Darnley might be in
+England, and that through the intervention of
+Mr Primrose some explanation might bring the
+parties together again, and thus his lordship&#8217;s
+hopes would be disappointed and his schemes
+frustrated. Then there came into his lordship&#8217;s
+mind the thought of the intercepted letters, and
+with that thought the fear that a discovery might
+be made as to the manner in which, and the
+person by whom, they had been intercepted.
+But that fear was transient, for his lordship
+confidently said to himself, &#8220;It is absolutely
+impossible that Nick Muggins should betray
+me.&#8221; What could his lordship be thinking
+about when he uttered this soliloquy? Did the
+Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill think that the
+principle of honor was stronger in the mind of
+Nick Muggins, the Smatterton post-boy, than it
+was in his own Right Honorable self? Wherein,
+did his lordship imagine, consisted the essential<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span>
+superiority of the high born above the sons of
+the peasantry? Did his lordship imagine that
+the only difference was in titles and soft white
+hands? It is not for us to know what lords
+may think, it is enough for us to gaze with
+wonderment on what they do.</p>
+
+<p>Present circumstances and present feelings
+compelled Lord Spoonbill to enter into serious
+deliberation with himself as to what step he
+should pursue. He could not for a moment
+admit the possibility of making an honorable
+offer of his hand to the young lady; such a
+proposal would have been the death of the Earl
+of Smatterton. That offer, which his lordship
+gravely called the other proposal, required a
+little more circumlocution and management; for
+his lordship was not quite so simple as not to be
+aware that, if making the first proposal was condescension
+on his part, accepting the latter would
+be condescension on the part of the lady. There
+was required for this purpose a tolerably strong<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span>
+attachment to his lordship, which might not yet
+exist in the lady&#8217;s mind. And though Lord
+Spoonbill was not by any means a man of great
+understanding or extraordinary penetration, yet
+in those matters in which he was most conversant
+he was not altogether unskilful. In pursuits
+of a similar nature to the present, his
+lordship was by no means inexpert; but, in the
+present instance, he knew that the person in
+question was gifted with mental powers superior
+to those which had belonged to his previous
+victims, and his own regard for her was somewhat
+more tender and respectful.</p>
+
+<p>These considerations on the one hand told his
+lordship that success would be endangered by
+precipitancy, while the fact that Mr Primrose, in
+the course of a day or two, would make his
+appearance, rendered it necessary that some
+immediate steps should be taken. It is a great
+pity that hereditary legislators, who are born to
+govern a nation, should in any case be incapable
+of legislating for themselves. Such a case now<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span>
+occurred. Lord Spoonbill thought of calling to
+his aid the counsel of a friend. For this purpose
+he forthwith ordered his horse for a morning
+ride; and, after an unmercifully rapid gallop of
+ten miles, he dismounted at the door of one of
+the prettiest little cottages within twenty miles
+of London.</p>
+
+<p>This cottage was almost secluded from the
+sight of the world, but was yet within reach of
+life&#8217;s gaieties and luxuries. Its secludedness
+was owing partly to the immensely thick plantations
+by which it was hidden from the road, and
+partly to the narrow and almost imperceptible
+lane which led to it. The external appearance
+of the plantation was rugged and uncultivated
+and neglected; and this appearance was, on
+the part of the owner and occupier of the place,
+cunningly intentional. He was a man who loved
+seclusion, but who loved the world; but the
+world which he loved was not the miscellaneous
+world of promiscuous humanity; it was only the
+world of select and superfastidious fashion, of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span>
+graceful gaiety and refined voluptuousness. He
+loved society not as society, but as the means
+of more intense and effective sensual gratification.
+Our readers, we trust, will excuse and
+accompany us if we describe with very particular
+minuteness this very singular character. He
+belonged not to any class, or tribe, or general
+description of men; for if he had, a few words
+of outline would suffice to state the class to
+which he belonged, and imagination or observation
+might supply the rest. But he was a
+perfect unique.</p>
+
+<p>His personal appearance was striking, though
+not marked by any decided or obvious singularity.
+He was tall and well formed, finely
+proportioned and of graceful carriage. The top
+of his head was entirely and shiningly bald;
+his complexion was fair, and there was for the
+most part a look of good humour and easy gaiety
+in his countenance; but an attentive observer
+might occasionally perceive a transient cloudiness
+that looked like disappointment, and there<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span>
+were also visible traces of slight asperity and
+symptoms of sneer and contemptuousness. In
+his dress he was fastidiously accurate and expensively
+splendid. He regarded fashion no farther
+than as it gave him an opportunity of exhibiting
+himself to the greatest possible advantage.</p>
+
+<p>Of the qualities of his mind it is difficult to
+speak intelligibly. He was intellectual, though
+sensual; his reading was remarkably limited,
+and his knowledge as remarkably extensive. He
+had received the rudiments of his education at
+Westminster, and had finished his studies at
+Cambridge, at which place he had become acquainted
+with Lord Spoonbill. But, notwithstanding
+all the opportunities which had been
+afforded him, he had not made what is called
+progress in literature. He was perfect in no
+species of knowledge or science which is derivable
+from books. He had learned Greek, Latin,
+French, Italian and German, but he was familiar
+with none of them. He had slightly attended
+to the exact sciences, but he had forgotten of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span>
+them everything but their existence. He had
+read ancient and modern history; his recollection
+of them was little, but clear, and when he had
+any occasion to speak of any of their facts or their
+philosophies, he generally spoke with accuracy,
+and thereby acquired a reputation, which he had
+no wish or ambition to acquire, of being a well
+read man. Few people speak Greek or Latin,
+and therefore our gentleman, not being examined,
+passed for a scholar. Everybody who pretends
+to any degree of refinement or fashion, interslops
+his own native language with an ungrammatical
+nasal blattering, called quoting French; and our
+gentleman had picked up enough of that affected
+trumpery to pass well in the society which he
+occasionally frequented. With how small a
+portion of real literature and actual knowledge
+a man may pass muster in society, is only known
+to those who love the reputation of scholarship
+better than its toils.</p>
+
+<p>The gentleman of whom we are speaking was
+too politic to trouble himself about politics. His<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span>
+politics, if the theory of such an indolent one
+may be called by that name, were Ascendancy
+politics. Those are the best subjects who never
+trouble their heads about politics: if we were
+king we should always encourage and patronize
+such people. The tame negroes in the West
+India islands do not trouble their heads about
+politics, nor do the subjects of the Emperor of
+Morocco, or the King of Persia, for if they did,
+their heads would soon cease to trouble them.
+The people of the United States do trouble their
+heads, but the time may come when there may
+be in that part of the world a great multitude
+who will not trouble their heads about politics;
+it will then be a much pleasanter thing to be
+king of America than it would now. But while
+we say that our gentleman was indifferent to
+politics, and therefore a good subject, we by no
+means wish it to be understood that he was a
+Tory, for Tories do trouble their heads about
+politics, and trouble other people&#8217;s heads too.</p>
+
+<p>This person eschewed partisanship, because it<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span>
+would give him trouble to belong to a party.
+His principle was to possess and enjoy animally
+every luxury within his reach; but at the same
+time to avoid those excesses which are palpably
+and obviously ruinous to the constitution. He
+had made the experiment for very few years, but
+he began to find thus early that the experiment
+was not likely to succeed. For want of exertion
+and activity the keenness of his relish had
+already begun to abate; and by carefully extracting
+the bitter ingredients from life&#8217;s cup and
+casting them away, he found that its sweets
+were sickening and saturating. Whatever was
+annoying to mind or body, he endeavoured, and
+in most cases successfully, to avoid. But there
+was gradually and surely coming upon him the
+bitterest of all annoyances; that kind of mental
+suffering which is only describable in the language
+of paradox, and which we will set down
+for the purpose of giving the purblind puppies
+of criticism something to yelp at. He was then
+beginning to feel the bitterness of sweetness, the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span>
+darkness of light, the discord of harmony, the
+solitude of society, the weariness of rest, the
+deformity of beauty; but he knew not how
+and from whence this annoyance was coming
+upon him. He had felt that sensibility was
+painful, and he had suppressed or neutralized it;
+he avoided the sight or thought of suffering, for
+he felt that sympathy with pain was painful.
+He had not exercised the powers of his mind, lest
+that exercise should interfere with that system of
+luxurious enjoyment which he had adopted.
+He had despised and derided the moral feeling,
+and had studiously guarded himself against all
+reproofs which conscience might administer to
+him. But with all this care he experienced
+feelings far more oppressive than those against
+which he guarded.</p>
+
+<p>Now the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill was
+also a man of no mental exertion, but he was
+a man of no mental power; he also was sensual,
+but his was not a deliberate and studied sensuality,
+it was purely animal and instinctive.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span>
+He was an Epicurean, but not an Epicurean
+philosopher. At Cambridge he had been acquainted
+with this Mr Erpingham, and he had
+admired the dextrous sophistry by which this
+gentleman had proved the worse to be the better
+cause. Mr Erpingham had also been proud of
+the acquaintance with nobility, though Lord
+Spoonbill was a younger man than he. And
+they had become the confidents and companions
+of each others profligacies.</p>
+
+<p>In a difficulty therefore of that kind to which
+we have above alluded, it is not to be wondered
+at that his lordship should enter into consultation,
+or at least into conversation, concerning
+the subject with his good friend Erpingham.</p>
+
+<p>We would not, however, have our readers
+imagine that Lord Spoonbill was quite such a
+ninny as to make it the subject of deliberate
+consultation and express enquiry, to learn what
+he ought to do on the present occasion; he
+merely meant to make a call upon his friend,
+and he was prompted to make that call by the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span>
+circumstances in which he was then placed with
+regard to Penelope Primrose. His object was
+to talk the matter over, and he certainly could
+not have selected a properer person to take part
+in such conversation.</p>
+
+<p>The two friends had not met for some time; the
+interview was agreeable therefore to both parties;
+for they had a great mutual respect for each other:
+Lord Spoonbill admired Mr Erpingham&#8217;s talents,
+and Mr Erpingham had a high respect for Lord
+Spoonbill&#8217;s title and high connexions.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Lord Spoonbill</span> was ushered into an apartment,
+the air of which was warm and fragrant:
+the warmth came from Newcastle, and the
+fragrancy from Bond street. At first entering
+the room his lordship saw not any one to whom
+his name could have been announced. The
+servant who had opened the door for him closed
+it immediately behind him, and he seemed to
+be in an empty apartment. By an instinct
+natural to an Englishman he advanced towards
+the fire-place, and there he presently saw on a
+sofa, the back of which was towards the door,
+his friend Erpingham reclining at full length,
+and having before him an open volume placed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span>
+on a low table, which had been constructed and
+adapted for reading on a sofa. This was what
+Erpingham called &#8220;reading made easy.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>His lordship expressed by his looks some surprise
+that his friend should not rise from the
+sofa, and said, &#8220;Erpingham! are you unwell?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ah! Spoonbill, is it you? Excuse my not
+rising to receive you; but the fact is, I have
+been trying for the last hour and a half to get
+into an easy position, and I have but just accomplished
+it, and if I move now I shall not be
+able to recover the position, and you know how
+wretched that sensation is. Well, how are the
+old materials?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This last question referred to the health of
+the Earl and Countess of Smatterton; and it
+was a phrase which Erpingham had learned
+from Lord Spoonbill himself.</p>
+
+<p>To this question Lord Spoonbill made the
+regular response, and continued,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span> &#8220;How is it,
+Erpingham, that I never have the pleasure of
+seeing you unless I ride over to you?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Can&#8217;t say,&#8221; was the careless reply: &#8220;but,&#8221;
+continued the Epicurean, &#8220;I am not partial to
+mixed company. Now your house in town is too
+multitudinous for me.&mdash;But my Clarissa tells
+me that the Countess of Smatterton is going
+to astonish the whole world by introducing a
+new first-rate voice.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>For explanation, it may be enough to inform
+the reader that Clarissa held the same place in
+Mr Erpingham&#8217;s establishment as Lord Spoonbill
+wished Penelope to hold in his. His lordship
+therefore was not sorry that the subject
+should be thus introduced, and he replied:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;Exactly so. But we have our doubts whether
+the lady will, under present circumstances,
+assent to the arrangement: for when she came
+to London, it was as an orphan, but now her
+father has returned from India after a long, and,
+I suppose, a profitable absence. Mr Primrose,
+the father, is now on his way from Smatterton,
+and he has said in his letter to his daughter,
+that he is about to place her in a home of his
+own. So I fear we shall lose this star.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Mr Erpingham did not lay anything very
+much to heart, and therefore he did not express
+any serious lamentation on this probable loss.
+He directed his remarks to other matters; and
+among other questions which he asked of Lord
+Spoonbill, alluding to the circumstances and
+events of his lordship&#8217;s life, he enquired: &#8220;And
+have you got rid of your dear little Ellen at last?
+You had a great deal of trouble with her, I think
+you told me some time ago.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill was quite as profligate as his
+elegant friend, but he had not so successfully
+and completely neutralized all his feelings.
+Though his profligacy therefore was coarser
+than that of Erpingham, and though his lordship
+was not over gifted with sensibility, yet
+he was not so entirely and systematically heartless.
+To this question concerning poor Ellen
+he shook his head, and said:</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, yes; I was sorry for the poor thing
+too: she was very much in love with me at
+one time, I really believe.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay,&#8221; replied Erpingham, &#8220;that was bad.
+It is quite annoying to have a woman in love
+with one. I could not endure it. I make
+it a rule never to encourage anything of the
+kind. You were too much addicted to sentimentality
+when you were at Cambridge. I suspect
+now that you are more than half in love
+with this Miss Primrose. Is she pretty and
+silly?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill frowned at the question, and
+did not answer it.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, well,&#8221; replied his friend, &#8220;I have no
+wish to be in your confidence. Pray don&#8217;t tell
+me any more of your secrets than you wish
+me to know. And if you are going to talk as
+much nonsense to me about Miss Primrose as
+you did two years ago about your &#8216;dear little
+Ellen,&#8217; I must beg to be excused. Positively,
+Spoonbill, I have grown quite nervous of late.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I think,&#8221; replied his lordship, &#8220;you have
+grown quite provoking. I have no intention of
+boring your ears with any sentimentality, as you
+are pleased to call it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This being uttered in a petulant tone, and
+Erpingham not liking to take the trouble of
+replying in the same tone, contented himself
+with indolently saying:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, well, don&#8217;t be angry. Say what you
+please. I will bear it very patiently.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill having but little time to
+spare, and being very desirous of unburthening
+his mind to his friend, suffered this kind of
+careless half-apology to extract from him the
+secret of his attachment to Penelope. Erpingham
+listened as attentively as he could to the
+story, and when it was finished he yawned out,
+&#8220;Ah! sure! But what assistance can I give
+you?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It was not very easy to answer that question.
+His lordship was more disposed indeed to ask
+questions than answer them, and therefore, in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span>stead
+of replying to the question of his friend,
+he said: &#8220;Now what would you advise me to
+do?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Make her an offer of a handsome establishment.
+I suppose she is violently in love
+with you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I cannot be quite sure of that,&#8221; replied his
+lordship; &#8220;but I believe I am not quite disagreeable
+to her.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;There is something in that,&#8221; replied Erpingham;
+&#8220;but not much. According to your account
+of this Miss Primrose, it should seem
+that she is of a good family, and perhaps the
+arrangement that you contemplate would not be
+acceded to.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That,&#8221; answered his lordship, &#8220;is what I
+most fear; and I will acknowledge to you that
+I am so far in love, that rather than lose her
+I would actually marry her.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Marry her,&#8221; exclaimed the Epicurean;
+&#8220;marry her! Impossible!&#8221; Saying this, Erpingham
+roused himself from his indolent loung<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span>ing
+posture, and with much greater energy than
+he was accustomed to use, he said: &#8220;Spoonbill,
+I am not much in the habit of either giving or
+taking advice, but I will for once so far advise
+you as to say, that if you contemplate marrying
+Miss Primrose, you must not on any account
+whatever make her any other offer.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why so?&#8221; replied his booby lordship, with
+a stare of awkward astonishment.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why so!&#8221; echoed his friend;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span> &#8220;because, if
+the young lady has a proper sense of her own
+dignity, she will not accept an offer of marriage
+from one who has made her an offer of another
+description; and if she has not that sense of
+dignity, but merely makes a profitable market
+of your passion for her, she will despise you for
+a fond fool, and you, when your fondness is
+over, will look upon her as a cunning, artful
+baggage. I know nothing about Miss Primrose;
+but I am very sure that no woman is fit to be
+a wife who could ever forgive a proposal of a
+different description.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The sagacious hereditary legislator could not
+understand this logic, and he stared at his friend
+as if he thought that he was crazy. &#8220;Bless
+my soul, Erpingham,&#8221; at length he said, &#8220;what
+nonsense you are talking. I really cannot understand
+you. What can be more natural and
+regular than to offer her marriage, if she will
+not accept me on any other terms. You talk
+about hating sentimentality; I am sure you
+are now talking as much sentimentality as any
+one need wish to hear.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Erpingham had exerted himself so much by
+the two last speeches which he had made, as
+not to wish to continue the discussion, or to
+undergo any more blundering interrogations from
+his noble friend; he therefore began to resume
+his indolent attitude, and said, &#8220;Well, do as
+you like best, Spoonbill, only remember I did
+not refuse my advice when you asked it. Will
+you stop now and take your dinner with me?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill was not any more disposed
+than his friend to carry on the discourse, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span>
+therefore declined the invitation to dine, and
+made the best of his way home again. As he
+rode homewards he attempted to think, but he
+found no small difficulty in that mental operation.
+There are some advertising schoolmasters who
+profess to teach their pupils to think; but as
+we were not educated in one of these thought-mongering
+seminaries, we cannot think how
+thinking can be taught. It may be possible,
+for the only impossibility in these days is to
+decide à priori that anything is impossible.
+But we do verily believe that, had Lord Spoonbill
+been at one of these establishments, he
+would have puzzled his preceptor as much as
+his preceptor would have puzzled him.</p>
+
+<p>By the time that his lordship had arrived at
+home he had come to the conclusion of his
+thinking, and the result was, that he thought
+Erpingham to be quite an altered man; and
+he also thought that he would not follow the
+ridiculous advice which his friend had given
+him.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Penelope made her appearance at dinner, and
+looked, as Lord Spoonbill said, most divinely.
+How Lord Spoonbill should know what divine
+looks are, we cannot tell: perhaps he meant
+that Penelope looked like a parson. However
+Penelope might look at dinner, it is very certain
+that Lord Spoonbill looked very much at Penelope.
+But the young lady&#8217;s thoughts were so
+pleasingly and agreeably engaged, and her anticipations
+were so delightful, that everybody
+and everything appeared agreeable to her. It
+was very different with the Countess of Smatterton.
+Her anticipations were not very pleasant:
+her ladyship apprehended that the return of
+Mr Primrose to England would be the destruction
+of her prospects, as far as they related to
+Miss Primrose. Having already observed that
+the young lady had manifested some reluctance
+to the public exhibition of her musical talents,
+the Countess very naturally supposed that Mr
+Primrose would indulge an only child in whatever
+fancy she might take up.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It was unfortunate also for the Countess, that
+she could not easily suppress her feelings of
+displeasure or dissatisfaction when any of her
+favourite fancies were disappointed. Having
+already so far committed herself among her rival
+prodigy-fanciers as to make a kind of preliminary
+exhibition of her newly discovered wonder,
+her ladyship felt that it would be very mortifying
+indeed to make her appearance in town
+without fulfilling the high promises which she
+had made, and gratifying the expectations which
+she had raised.</p>
+
+<p>It is mortifying to spend money for nothing;
+but it is infinitely more mortifying to be at the
+expense of a prodigious deal of condescension
+to answer at last no good or self-gratifying
+end. This was the loss and the mortification
+which the Countess of Smatterton now suffered,
+or at least anticipated. Instead therefore of
+the usual courteous manner which her ladyship
+had hitherto manifested towards the niece
+of the late rector of Smatterton, there was cold<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span>ness,
+haughtiness, and silence. The Earl of
+Smatterton had not so quick a perception as
+the Countess, and he had not anticipated any
+disappointment in the return of Penelope&#8217;s
+father to England. His lordship still continued
+to sport the condescensions, and he did
+not take any notice whatever of her ladyship&#8217;s
+fit of ill-humour. When stupid men are henpecked
+they often receive more pity than they
+need, for they are very frequently insensible
+to many of the ill-humours of their mates.</p>
+
+<p>Now, as the Countess was silent, an opportunity
+was offered for his lordship to talk.
+Happy would it be if all married people would
+talk only one at a time.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And so, Miss Primrose,&#8221; thus spake the
+Earl of Smatterton, &#8220;I find that you expect
+shortly to see your father. It is a long while,
+I think, since you have seen him?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is sixteen years, my lord,&#8221; answered
+Penelope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Sixteen years!&#8221; repeated his lordship:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> &#8220;you
+will hardly recollect him. The meeting, I dare
+say, will be very interesting. And may I ask,
+what time in the day you expect your father?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I fear it will be late in the day, my lord,
+for my father will not arrive in London till
+twelve or one o&#8217;clock. His letter tells me that
+he will call soon after that time at your lordship&#8217;s
+house in town, where he supposes I now
+am.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He will be disappointed at not finding you
+in town,&#8221; said Lord Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>There was much truth in this last remark of
+his lordship&#8217;s. The Earl was somewhat remarkable
+for the intense and unquestionable truth of
+many of his remarks. He was by no means
+given to what is called romancing. Indeed,
+so exquisitely and unquestionably true was this
+observation, that Penelope thought it needed
+not the corroboration of her assent, but that it
+must carry conviction to every mind. And so
+it did; and especially to the mind of the Countess,
+who immediately observed:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span> &#8220;Perhaps it
+may be agreeable to Miss Primrose to go to
+town early to-morrow morning for the purpose
+of meeting her father.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Her ladyship made this proposal because she
+had no desire to entertain Mr Primrose, and
+she thought that if Penelope was to be taken
+from her patronage at all, the sooner it was
+done the better. What prodigious lies patrons
+and patronesses do tell when they profess to
+have no other object in view than the welfare
+and happiness of those whom they patronise.
+The Countess of Smatterton had been pleasing
+herself with the thought that she should be
+the talk of the season, as producing and exhibiting
+such a prodigy as Miss Primrose; and
+her ladyship, who was very partial to thanks,
+had been enjoying the anticipation of Penelope&#8217;s
+overpowering gratitude for such distinguished
+and desirable patronage. But when all these
+pleasant and agreeable speculations seemed to
+burst like a bubble, then was her ladyship very
+angry and morose; and it was her wish to let<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span>
+Penelope know how deeply the disappointment
+was felt. There were no words however which
+her ladyship could use expressive of her feelings,
+and at the same time reproachful to Miss
+Primrose. It was not Penelope&#8217;s fault that her
+father, after an absence of sixteen years, was
+now returned to England; nor would it have
+been proper and just ground of rebuke that the
+young lady should be pleased at the thought of
+seeing her father again, and be ready to yield
+herself to his direction in preference to undergoing
+the precarious patronage of the great.</p>
+
+<p>Lady Smatterton was not the less ill-humoured
+because she had no just ground on which she
+might utter the language of expostulation and
+reproof to Penelope, but on the contrary her
+anger was greater: for had there been an opportunity
+of indulging in language of reproach,
+that very circumstance would have been a relief
+and consolation. It was not therefore with a
+very agreeable intonation nor with the accompaniment
+of the most gracious of all possible<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span>
+looks that her ladyship proposed that Penelope
+should go to town to meet her father. But the
+poor girl being happy in her own thoughts, and
+unconscious of anything done or said by her
+that could be offensive to the Countess, was
+quite unobservant of the harshness of her ladyship&#8217;s
+manner, and thought only of the substantial
+kindness of the proposal. To the suggestion
+of the Countess Penelope therefore
+replied with grateful and pleasurable vivacity:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Your ladyship is extremely kind; and, if
+it is not giving too much trouble, I should certainly
+be happy to take the earliest opportunity
+of meeting my father.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It will be giving no trouble,&#8221; hastily and
+sharply replied her ladyship; &#8220;there are coaches
+to town almost every hour. They will tell you
+in the housekeeper&#8217;s room what time the first
+coach goes.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Some high-spirited young ladies would have
+been mightily indignant at a reference from a
+nobleman&#8217;s table to the housekeeper&#8217;s room<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span>
+and stage-coaches. But Penelope was not so
+high-spirited; she was so completely occupied
+with the thought of an early meeting with her
+father, that nothing else was able to obtain possession
+of her mind.</p>
+
+<p>A momentary pause followed the last observation
+of the Countess; and then, in his own
+peculiarly majestic manner, the Earl of Smatterton
+said, &#8220;I am of opinion that it is not quite
+proper and suitable for a young lady to travel
+in a stage alone and unprotected.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>With exquisite, and as if premeditated,
+promptitude Lord Spoonbill replied, &#8220;Certainly
+not; but there will be no necessity for
+Miss Primrose going alone or in the stage-coach
+at all. I shall drive up to town tomorrow
+morning, and if the young lady will accept of
+a seat in my gig, I shall be most happy in her
+company.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Hereupon a general family frowning took
+place. The Countess frowned at the Earl, his
+lordship frowned at Lord Spoonbill, and Lord<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span>
+Spoonbill frowned at the Countess; and if Penelope
+had not been too polite she would have
+laughed at all three. Lord Spoonbill, however,
+in spite of frowns, determined to have his own
+way, and seeing that Penelope was desirous of
+going to town, insisted on accompanying her.</p>
+
+<p>The Countess was next puzzled how to part
+with Miss Primrose; whether as concluding that
+the young lady would not return to her and
+adopt the profession which had been recommended
+by her ladyship, or as admitting the
+probability that Mr Primrose would not object
+to the public employment of his daughter&#8217;s
+musical talents. For with all her ladyship&#8217;s
+alarm at the return of Mr Primrose to England,
+it had not yet appeared that his return would
+interfere with her ladyship&#8217;s schemes. The probability
+however was, that when there was no
+pecuniary necessity for the exercise of these
+talents, they would not be cultivated for public
+display.</p>
+
+<p>Before the Countess parted from Penelope for<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span>
+the night, her ladyship said, &#8220;Miss Primrose,
+as I presume that your father may not object
+to the profession which I have chosen for you,
+may I ask when it will be convenient for you
+to take lessons previous to your public appearance:
+for it is now time to think of that matter?
+Of course you know that I have engaged a preceptor
+for you?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The Countess of <ins title="original: Smattertno">Smatterton</ins> had more fears
+than hopes on the subject, and as for Penelope
+herself, she had taken it for granted that the
+return of her father would of course release her
+from dependence on strangers, and consequently
+render all professional employment unnecessary.
+She was therefore startled at the question, but
+with tolerable promptitude and presence of mind,
+replied:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am grateful for your ladyship&#8217;s kindness.
+But, till I have seen my father, it is impossible
+to say when I can begin to apply myself to the
+instruction so kindly provided. I will return
+as soon as&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The Countess understood this sentence, and
+answered with rather more asperity than became
+a kind and condescending patron: &#8220;You
+need not trouble yourself to return to me, Miss
+Primrose, unless you please to accept of the
+instruction that I have provided for you. If I
+confer favours I expect to choose what favours
+I shall confer.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Penelope made no reply, for her heart was
+full, and she thought of Mrs Greendale; but,
+under all this, the joy at the thought of her
+father&#8217;s return kept her spirits from sinking.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">It was</span> a very fine morning when Lord Spoonbill&#8217;s
+gig was brought to the door to convey
+Penelope to London. The young lady was joyful
+even to tears. Hers was a joy of such intoxicating
+and almost bewildering nature, that
+it became necessary for her to exercise some
+restraint over herself, lest she should make herself
+ridiculous by ungoverned prating. Lord
+Spoonbill was also pleased with the commission
+which he had given to himself, to conduct the
+young lady to town. But his pleasure was
+mingled with thoughtfulness, and alloyed by
+meditating and contriving. He not been inexperienced
+in the winning of female affection,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span>
+but he was conscious that there was in the mind
+of Penelope something widely different from and
+far superior to those with whom his former intimacies
+had been.</p>
+
+<p>Deeply and seriously did he endeavour to
+revolve in his mind the advice which he had
+received from his friend Erpingham. But his
+lordship&#8217;s mind was unfortunately too narrow
+and contracted to afford room for anything to
+turn round in it. He tried and tried, but all
+to no purpose, to understand what Erpingham
+could possibly mean, when he said that a
+woman is not fit for a wife who can forgive
+an offer of a different description. His lordship,
+on the contrary, thought that a woman is not
+fit for a wife who is of an unforgiving disposition.</p>
+
+<p>So far indeed as his lordship&#8217;s own personal
+feelings were concerned he would have had no
+objection whatever to offer his hand to Miss
+Primrose; an offer which he thought of course
+could not possibly be rejected. But then again<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span>
+he thought of his dignity; and he remembered
+how very severely he had spoken, and how very
+contemptibly he had thought, of some titled individuals
+who had so far compromised their dignity
+as to marry from the lower orders. Yet there
+was something so elegant and so naturally noble
+in Penelope&#8217;s look, manner, expression, tone of
+voice, carriage and person, that nature itself
+seemed to have ennobled her. She seemed fitted
+for any station in society. This was all very
+true; but Lord Spoonbill could not for all this
+reconcile his mind to the thought of raising Miss
+Primrose to the exalted rank of the Spoonbill
+family. He was fearful too that the degradation
+would break his mother&#8217;s heart.  All these
+thoughts, if thoughts they might be called, with
+myriads more of the same complexion and tendency,
+passed through the mind, if mind he had
+any, of the son and heir of the Right Honorable
+the Earl of Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>We have said it was a fine morning, and if
+two of the English nation can on such a morning<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span>
+travel together without talking about the fineness
+of the weather, when it is really fine, they are
+two that we have never seen, heard, or read of.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;We have a beautiful morning for our ride,
+Miss Primrose,&#8221; said Lord Spoonbill.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Beautiful, indeed,&#8221; replied Penelope; and
+she said it with such energy, with such heart-bounding
+glee, as if the sun had never shewn her
+its cloudless face before. And never indeed had
+it shone so brightly before to her. There is
+something peculiarly and positively beautiful in
+a fine bright day in the midst of winter. The
+shortness of its light adds to its intensity and
+condenses its interest. But when there is sunshine
+within as well as without, and when the
+heart is young, pure, hopeful and buoyant, then
+is there felt a revelry of delight, a wantonness of
+happiness. So felt Penelope on this bright and
+brilliant winter&#8217;s morning. And when there was
+added to the joyous feeling within and to the
+effect of the spirit-stirring anticipation with
+which she set out on her journey, the bracing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span>
+and sharpening of an almost frosty air, her fine
+countenance was suffused with as brilliant a hue
+as ever graced the human countenance. As far
+as life excels the art of the sculptor, so far did
+the countenance of Penelope on this morning&#8217;s
+journey excel in brightness and beauty its
+ordinary expression. &#8220;We are not stocks and
+stones.&#8221; So thought Lord Spoonbill when he
+gazed on the lovely one who sat beside him. He
+almost felt the majesty of loveliness, and was
+almost awed into reverence.</p>
+
+<p>And did not the thought then occur to his
+lordship, that the scheme which he was meditating
+must of necessity destroy that peace, that
+happiness, that purity, which now formed so
+lovely and interesting a picture? Did not some
+recollection of beauty prematurely fading, of the
+burning blushes of self-reproach, of the convulsive
+throbbings of breaking hearts, of memory
+burdened and writhing under the agony of
+thoughts it cannot bear and cannot forget, come
+into the mind of the Right Honorable Lord<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span>
+Spoonbill? Did he not recollect poor Ellen,
+lovely in her simplicity, happy in her innocence,
+the light of her home and the joy of her
+widowed mother&#8217;s heart? And did he not think
+of that same Ellen dropping the tears of agonizing
+penitence on that mother&#8217;s dying pillow,
+and wandering now, for aught he knew to the
+contrary, a houseless, shivering, desolate outcast?</p>
+
+<p>No such thoughts entered his mind. Selfishness
+and sensuality predominated over, or excluded
+all other feelings. He used all the art of
+which he was master to render himself agreeable
+to his companion during their short journey. He
+also exerted all his power of observation to see
+whether any symptoms betrayed an interest in
+him on the part of Penelope. But in the brightness
+of her looks, and the joyousness of her
+features, no other emotions were visible and no
+other thoughts could be read. His lordship
+was convinced that he could not possibly live
+without her, and he resolved that at all events he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span>
+would make known his admiration by words
+as well as by looks. Like all the rest of the
+world, preferring his own judgment to the advice
+of any other, he determined that the offer of
+marriage should be reserved till he should ascertain
+that no other was likely to succeed.</p>
+
+<p>The journey was soon over. They arrived at
+the Earl of Smatterton&#8217;s town mansion full two
+hours before it was likely that Mr Primrose
+should be in town. Ten thousand thanks were
+given by the grateful Penelope for the kindness
+of his lordship, and unnumbered acknowledgments
+of the goodness and condescension of the
+Earl and Countess of Smatterton. Such were
+the joyous feelings of the young lady, that these
+thanks and acknowledgments were expressed
+with unusual earnestness and warmth of manner;
+and such was the modesty of Lord Spoonbill,
+that for himself and for his right honorable
+parents he disclaimed all right and title to such
+a profusion of thanks.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I beg, Miss Primrose,&#8221; said his modest lord<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span>ship,
+&#8220;that you will not so overwhelm us with
+your thanks. We are but too happy in having
+had it in our power to afford you any little accommodation.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh my lord, you are very kind, very kind.
+But I am almost afraid that I have said or done
+something to offend her ladyship, the Countess;
+for, when I took my leave last night, her ladyship
+spoke to me as in anger. I fear I did
+wrong in so readily accepting the offer to come
+to town to meet my father.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>To the ear of Lord Spoonbill there was something
+exceedingly graceful and musical in the
+tone with which this language was uttered. There
+is indeed an indescribable beauty in the accents
+of a grateful mind fearful of having offended
+its benefactor. His lordship was aware of his
+mother&#8217;s feelings on the subject of the probable
+loss of Penelope, and his lordship was himself
+also fearful of losing her. But he did not use
+the language of harshness under that apprehen<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span>sion,
+he sought rather to retain her by kindness
+of expression. Assuming therefore an unusual
+tenderness and considerateness of manner, he
+took the young lady&#8217;s hand, as if unconsciously,
+but in truth designedly, and holding the hand
+with sufficient firmness to prevent it being withdrawn,
+but not so as to excite suspicion or
+thought of intentional seriousness, he said:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am very sorry that anything which the
+Countess may have said, has given you uneasiness;
+but my mother has a peculiar earnestness
+and hastiness of manner, that you have mistaken
+for anger. No one can ever be offended with
+Miss Primrose.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>There was a little pause, during which Lord
+Spoonbill endeavoured to catch a glance of the
+expression of Penelope&#8217;s countenance, without
+appearing to make any particular observation;
+and, in this short pause, Penelope almost sighed.
+Lovers delight to hear sighs, and Lord Spoonbill
+was especially pleased at this symptom of emo<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span>tion
+in Miss Primrose. Retaining her hand
+therefore, and softening his tone down to deeper
+tenderness, he continued:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The Countess no doubt will be sorry to lose
+you, if the return of your father necessarily involves
+that condition. But let us hope that may
+not be the case.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Having thus spoken, his lordship pressed
+the young lady&#8217;s hand more emphatically, and
+sighed. Now, by rights, Penelope should at this
+have started up, and suddenly withdrawing her
+hand, knitting her brows, advancing three steps
+backward and darting a look of indignation at
+his lordship, should have exclaimed, &#8220;Unhand
+me, my lord; what is the meaning of this language?&#8221;
+But Penelope neither did nor said anything
+of the kind. For the word &#8216;unhand&#8217; was
+not in her dictionary, and she had been too long
+acquainted with Lord Spoonbill to expect that
+he should be able to explain the meaning of all
+he said. There was also another reason why the
+young lady did not thus express indignation<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span>
+and astonishment; namely, that having no suspicion
+of the views or intentions of his lordship,
+she did not observe or rightly interpret his language
+and his sigh. In addition to this, it may
+be also supposed that the expectation of her
+father&#8217;s arrival had some influence in rendering
+her unobservant of everything else.</p>
+
+<p>Emboldened by the unresisting manner in
+which Penelope listened to his conversation, his
+lordship proceeded to speak less equivocally,
+and grasping with both his hands the still unremoved
+hand of Penelope, and assuming a look
+and tone of tenderness, he said:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Pardon me, Miss Primrose, if I seize this
+first and perhaps last opportunity of avowing how
+dearly I do love you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>His lordship was about to say much more on
+the same interesting topic, but Miss Primrose
+interrupted him. The manner in which the interruption
+was given was rather singular, and did
+not seem at all favorable to his lordship&#8217;s hopes.
+For, instead of looking serious and frowning and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span>
+attitudinizing, the young lady merely withdrew
+her hand, and said with a smile:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My lord, I hope you are only jesting; but
+my feelings are too much interested with the
+thought of presently meeting my father, to allow
+me now even to enter into the humour of a
+jest.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Thereupon his lordship rose from his seat, laid
+his hand upon his heart, and directed to Miss
+Primrose a look, which would, on the stage,
+have called down deafening plaudits from the
+back of the one shilling gallery to the front row
+of the pit, and with indescribable earnestness
+exclaimed, &#8220;By heavens, Miss Primrose, I am
+serious!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>To that declaration the young lady replied
+seriously, &#8220;Then, my lord, I am very sorry to
+hear it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Thus speaking, Penelope went towards the
+window, leaving his lordship to think what he
+should say next. The enamoured hereditary
+legislator then, undaunted by the smiles or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span>
+frowns of Miss Primrose, followed the young
+lady to the window, and in less impassioned but
+mildly persuasive tones continued his address,
+saying:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Miss Primrose, may I request of you the
+favor to hear me?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly, my lord,&#8221; replied Penelope, &#8220;if
+you will hear me first.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Most willingly,&#8221; replied his lordship.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Then, my lord,&#8221; continued Penelope, &#8220;I
+must be permitted to say that I feel very much
+hurt and surprised at what you have already
+said. You have recalled to my mind thoughts
+that I would willingly have forgotten; this allusion
+will suffice to let your lordship understand
+the state of my feelings. I hope you will forbear
+the unpleasant discussion. Indeed&#8221;&mdash;here her
+voice was feebler, and her lip quivered, and
+the full tear was in her eyes, and her whole frame
+trembled, but she did not look the less lovely
+for this emotion; summoning an effort, she
+continued, &#8220;For mercy&#8217;s sake, my lord, let me<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span>
+meet my father as composedly as I possibly can.
+In less than an hour he will be here. Pray do
+not rob our meeting of its happiness.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>In saying this she threw herself into the
+nearest chair, and covering her face with her
+handkerchief she sobbed and wept, and in spite
+of herself thought of Robert Darnley. The Right
+Honorable Lord Spoonbill also sat down, and
+thought of Nick Muggins and the indescribable
+pony. But his lordship neither wept nor
+blushed. We record this fact rather for its truth
+than its beauty. It seems indeed an encouragement
+to such sparks as, in their transgressions,
+sometimes feel remorse; for it is as much as to
+say that, by practice, they will become so familiarized
+with meanness and cruelty as to cease to
+feel ashamed of them.</p>
+
+<p>His lordship for a few minutes was silent.
+But as soon as Penelope was a little more composed,
+he said;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span> &#8220;I am very much concerned,
+Miss Primrose, for the uneasiness which I have
+occasioned you, and so far from wishing to
+interrupt the happiness of your meeting with
+your father I will retire, that you may compose
+yourself. Only let me request that I may have
+the honor of being introduced to Mr Primrose
+after your first meeting is over.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This was all very rational and proper, and the
+kind, considerate manner in which it was spoken
+pleased Penelope very much, and she made her
+acknowledgments for the kindness with so
+much grace as to fascinate his lordship more
+than ever. He thought he had never seen so
+lovely and interesting a creature in his life. He
+apologized for having introduced such a subject
+so inopportunely, and attributed it solely to the
+fear that the arrival of her father might preclude
+him from speaking on the subject at a future
+time.</p>
+
+<p>When the poor girl was left alone, it was no
+easy matter for her to arrange her scattered
+thoughts and to bring herself back to that state
+of holiday extasy with which she had begun the
+day. Nor was much time afforded her for the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span>
+purpose; for, not many minutes after the departure
+of Lord Spoonbill, the arrival of Mr
+Primrose was announced. There seemed to
+Penelope to be scarcely any interval between
+hearing a carriage stop at the door, and finding
+herself embraced in the arms of her long lost
+father.</p>
+
+<p>Over a scene like this all modest dramatists
+would drop the curtain, knowing that imagination
+would be rather impeded than assisted by
+farther exhibition.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">To</span> continue that reference to the drama with
+which the preceding chapter was concluded, it
+may be remarked that, when the curtain has
+fallen thus abruptly on one scene, the spectators
+do not anticipate that, on its being drawn
+up again, the eye should be greeted with any
+continuation of that scene; but rather do they
+look for some great and decided transition. Our
+readers therefore will not now be surprised if
+we take them back again to Neverden and
+Smatterton. They are pleasant villages, and
+their inhabitants are for the most part unartificial
+people.</p>
+
+<p>It is a fact worthy of notice, and we have no<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span>
+doubt that our observant readers have already
+remarked it, that all the personages in those
+two villages of whom we have yet spoken, have
+had that delectable and pleasing feeling of their
+own importance, by which they have considered
+that the world has been under infinite obligations
+to them. To have that feeling strongly
+and genuinely, is a real happiness; and if there
+has ever been any human being whom we have
+envied, it has been P. P., clerk of this parish,
+especially while he was writing his own memoirs.
+To endeavour to rob any one of this sense, is
+cruel, heart-rendingly cruel and barbarous; but
+fortunately for human happiness, this robbery
+cannot easily be effected.</p>
+
+<p>But though the good people of these villages
+had this feeling in a very high and pure degree,
+yet it is not altogether confined to them; and
+if the Reverend Mr Darnley, in his vigintennial
+visits to London, has been rather angry and
+offended at the rude behaviour of the people in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span>
+the streets who have jostled and driven against
+him, without having the grace to move their hats
+to him, that self-same Mr Darnley has in his
+turn inflicted upon a distinguished inhabitant
+of the great metropolis as serious a mortification
+as his reverence experienced from metropolitan
+neglect.</p>
+
+<p>We have introduced to our readers the Rev.
+Charles Pringle; we have now to introduce that
+gentleman&#8217;s first-cousin, Zephaniah Pringle, Esq.
+This illustrious personage was not a native, but
+had long been an inhabitant, of the great metropolis,
+and, according to his own view of the
+matter, a great ornament to it. He was a literary
+man. He had been destined by his parents
+for agricultural pursuits, but his genius was
+above them. The circumstances, the trifling circumstances,
+which tend to develope the powers
+of the mind and to direct the energies into their
+proper channel, are always worthy of notice.
+Everybody knows the story of Sir Isaac Newton<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span>
+and the apple. But everybody does not know,
+but soon will know, the circumstances which
+made Zephaniah Pringle a critic.</p>
+
+<p>When Zephaniah was about twelve years old
+he was taken to Smatterton by his father, who
+had to make a call of business on Mr Kipperson.
+While Mr Pringle and Mr Kipperson were
+engaged in looking at some cattle which the
+latter had to dispose of, young Pringle was
+gaping about in the library, and admiring with
+great veneration all its literary wonders; but
+that which most powerfully arrested his attention
+was a plaister bust of Dr Johnson. And
+when the agricultural gentlemen returned to the
+library, Zephaniah, pointing to the bust, said,
+&#8220;Father, was that there thick-headed man a
+heathen philosopher?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Mr Kipperson, who was pleased with the
+young gentleman&#8217;s manifestation of a taste for
+literature and philosophy, kindly corrected the
+misapprehension of the youth, and said,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span> &#8220;No,
+my lad, the heathen philosophers did not wear
+wigs. That is a bust of Dr Johnson, the celebrated
+critic and lexicographer.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Zephaniah, with open mouth and expanded
+eyes, stared his thanks to Mr Kipperson, who
+immediately asked the young gentleman if he
+was fond of reading. To which he replied in the
+affirmative. Whereupon Mr Kipperson kindly
+lent the youth Boswell&#8217;s Life of Dr Johnson.</p>
+
+<p>From that moment young Pringle felt an
+irresistible impulse to become a man of letters;
+and with a view to gratify that ambition, his
+father was kind enough to let him have another
+quarter&#8217;s Latin, in order to give him an
+opportunity to perfect himself in classical literature.</p>
+
+<p>Thus qualified, the young man in due time
+went up to London. In the great metropolis
+he soon divested himself of the rusticity of his
+manners, and after some few failures in the
+first instance, for want of knowing the proper
+knack of writing, he soon acquired a tolerable
+facility, and absolutely once wrote something<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span>
+that was talked about. From that moment he
+never saw two people talking together in a
+bookseller&#8217;s shop, without fancying that they
+were talking about Zephaniah Pringle.</p>
+
+<p>He took great pains to imitate Dr Johnson;
+but his literary companions detected him and
+laughed at him. He had but a slender frame
+and a slender voice; and when he attempted
+the oracular and the pompous style, it was like
+playing the Hallelujah Chorus on a fife. He
+could not adopt the doctor&#8217;s Jacobitism, but
+he took instead of that a double extra super-Eldon
+high Toryism. And in religion, not that
+he ever went to church, he was decidedly of
+opinion that all dissenters and Roman Catholics
+were convinced that the church of England
+was the only true church, but that they would
+not conform merely out of spite. It was his
+opinion that the Duke of Wellington would
+never have driven the French out of Spain,
+had he not always made a point of hearing all
+his soldiers every day say the church catechism.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>He had a praiseworthy and prodigious horror
+of gymnastics; they came from Greece, and
+the ancient Greeks were republicans. In his
+notion of mechanics&#8217; institutes he was exceedingly
+ungrateful to Mr Kipperson, who patronized
+him and them too; and when Mr Kipperson
+once proposed to establish a mechanics&#8217;
+institute at Smatterton for the benefit of the
+agricultural operatives, this Zephaniah Pringle
+had the impudence to write him a long letter
+on the subject, accusing him of a design to
+subvert the established church, and convert
+England into a republic. Mr Kipperson gave
+up the scheme, not because of this letter, but
+because, when he assembled the people of the
+village in one of his barns to read them a
+lecture on hydrostatics, every soul of them fell
+fast asleep.</p>
+
+<p>There was another subject on which Mr Zephaniah
+Pringle had very strong opinions,&mdash;viz.
+West India slavery. He very properly laughed
+at the absurdity of supposing that negroes have<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span>
+the slightest objection to be flogged to death;
+and he knew that the only object which the
+abolitionists had in view, was <ins title="original: too verturn">to overturn</ins> the
+established church.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Zephaniah Pringle had a most exquisite
+conceit of his own superlative wisdom and penetration.
+This gentleman must have experienced
+therefore a sensation of great delight
+in taking his important self down to Smatterton
+to visit Mr Kipperson and surprise the natives.
+But how great must have been his astonishment,
+when introduced by Mr Kipperson at the rectory
+of Neverden, to find that Mr Darnley the elder
+had never heard of the name and fame of Zephaniah
+Pringle. He consoled himself, however,
+with the reflection, that many other names great
+as his own were equally unknown to this obscure
+village parson.</p>
+
+<p>Finding that the young ladies of Mr Darnley&#8217;s
+family were addicted to reading, the critic
+kindly administered his gratuitous and unasked
+commentaries on divers modern and ancient
+authors. He astonished the daughters of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span>
+rector of Neverden by opinions hitherto unheard
+and unthought of. The confidence of his manner
+passed for wisdom and decided apprehension
+of the subjects on which he spoke; and as he
+took care to let it be thoroughly understood
+that all who differed from him were fools, and
+as literary young ladies do not like to be considered
+fools, they of course assented to Zephaniah
+Pringle&#8217;s opinions on literary topics.</p>
+
+<p>In his conversation with Mr Darnley the
+younger he found that, by talking literature, he
+did not seem to magnify himself to his heart&#8217;s
+content; for Robert Darnley did not believe that
+critics were conjurors. The genius then had
+recourse to talk concerning those persons of
+high style and dignity with whom he had the
+honor to be acquainted. Among other great
+names, he mentioned that of Lord Smatterton,
+and the scarcely less illustrious name of Lord
+Spoonbill.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You are acquainted then with Lord Spoonbill?&#8221;
+said Robert Darnley.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh yes, perfectly well,&#8221; replied the critic.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And pray what kind of man is this Lord
+Spoonbill? for, though the family resides in the
+next village, I am totally unacquainted with
+them.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Lord Spoonbill himself is the best creature
+in the world. The Earl of Smatterton is a
+proud, haughty man, like the rest of the Whig
+aristocracy.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Then Lord Spoonbill is not so very proud?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I cannot say that Lord Spoonbill is altogether
+without pride. He has very high notions;
+but his manner is not pompous like his father&#8217;s.
+And he can be very agreeable, though he is by
+no means a man of any great share of intellect.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have heard him spoken of,&#8221; replied Robert
+Darnley, &#8220;as being a very profligate man.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I believe,&#8221; said the critic, &#8220;he is rather
+gay, but not more so than most young men of
+his rank. The finest joke in the world is, that
+his father, the Earl of Smatterton, thinks that
+he is one of the gravest and steadiest young men
+of the age, and quotes him as such accordingly.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span>
+But the fact is, that his lordship has lately taken
+under his protection a lady, now received at Lord
+Smatterton&#8217;s table.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Robert Darnley could not believe his own
+senses. The language which he now heard from
+Zephaniah Pringle seemed to allude plainly
+enough to Penelope, but it could not be possible,
+he thought, that a young lady of such
+high and pure spirit as Miss Primrose could
+ever submit to an arrangement so truly humiliating.
+Suppressing and concealing his agitation
+as well as he could, he endeavoured to
+ascertain from the man of letters what was
+really the fact concerning Lord Spoonbill and
+this, as yet unnamed, young lady.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Surely, Mr Pringle, you do not mean to say
+that Lord Spoonbill has a lady in keeping, whom
+he introduces to his father&#8217;s table? This is really
+beyond all credence.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But indeed, sir, I do mean it,&#8221; replied Zephaniah
+the critic:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span> &#8220;and, if you have never heard
+the story, I can tell you all the particulars.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is no business of mine,&#8221; said Darnley,
+&#8220;but I do feel curious to know the particulars
+of so very singular a case, as a young man
+bringing a kept lady to his father&#8217;s own table.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is not altogether so,&#8221; replied Mr Pringle;
+&#8220;but I will tell you exactly how the case stands;
+I know Spoonbill very intimately.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This last expression was uttered as everybody
+would naturally suppose such an expression
+would be uttered by such a man. After
+thoroughly enjoying the high and refined satisfaction
+of having said, &#8220;I know Spoonbill
+very intimately,&#8221; the loyal and religious critic
+proceeded:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You must remember old Greendale, the
+rector of Smatterton, who was my cousin&#8217;s predecessor
+in the living. He died a very short
+time before you returned from India. This old
+man had a very pretty niece, you know; you
+must remember her, for I understand that she
+lived with old Dr Greendale from her infancy.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, certainly,&#8221; said Darnley, with much<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span>
+effort concealing the agitation which he felt;
+&#8220;I remember her very well, her name is Primrose;
+but you surely do not mean to say that
+Miss Primrose is living under the protection
+of Lord Spoonbill?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Hereupon Mr Pringle did somewhat hesitate
+and say, &#8220;Why, why&mdash;I cannot exactly say
+that&mdash;that she is absolutely living under his
+protection. She is rather living under the protection
+of Lady Smatterton as yet. You perhaps
+may not know that Miss Primrose has a
+remarkably fine voice, and is in fact a first-rate
+vocalist: now Lady Smatterton is a great patroness
+of musical talent, and has taken a fancy
+to bring Miss Primrose out this season as a
+public singer, and Lord Spoonbill has made
+proposals, which I believe have been accepted
+by the lady; and she is to be under his lordship&#8217;s
+protection as soon as she leaves Lord
+Smatterton&#8217;s house, and that will be very soon.
+That is the true state of the case. I wonder
+you have never heard of it before; for though<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span>
+you have been from India a very short time, yet
+in country places intelligence flies very rapidly.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, you astonish me,&#8221; said Mr Darnley
+the younger; &#8220;I could not have thought that
+a young lady, brought up by such an exemplary
+and virtuous man as the late Dr Greendale,
+should ever condescend to live upon those terms
+with the first nobleman in the kingdom.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, sir,&#8221; replied the knowing critic, &#8220;you
+do not understand the heart, especially the
+female heart. There is something in title and
+splendour so fascinating to the weaker sex,
+that few can resist its influence. I have observed
+and studied the human mind in all its
+various attitudes, and I have lived in the world
+long enough to cease to be astonished at anything
+I hear or see. In such an outlandish
+place as India you see nothing and learn nothing.
+London is the only place where the
+human character can be thoroughly and properly
+studied.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Much more to the same purpose did the fluent<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span>
+cousin of the new rector of Smatterton say to
+the son of the rector of Neverden. But Robert
+Darnley heard him and heeded him not. Deeply
+did the intelligence concerning Penelope sink
+into his mind, and painfully did he revolve the
+idle gossip of the loyal and religious critic,
+who had properly and thoroughly studied human
+nature, in his lodgings in Fetter lane, Holborn.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">The</span> day which followed immediately after
+the above-mentioned conversation, was destined
+for a grand dinner party at the mansion of Sir
+George Aimwell, Bart. Preparations were made
+for a splendid entertainment. It was not an
+easy matter to get together a large party in that
+neighbourhood without admitting to the table
+some individuals of dubious dignity. There was,
+for instance, the equivocal Mr Kipperson, at
+once landlord and tenant, gentleman and farmer;
+but then he was so zealous a friend to the
+interest of agriculture. He was so thoroughly
+enlightened on the corn question, that the
+great men of Smatterton and Neverden could<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span>
+not but respect him. Sir George Aimwell also
+liked Mr Kipperson, because he was a bad
+shot, and had so ardent a zeal against poachers.</p>
+
+<p>This party was assembled, among other objects,
+for the purpose of welcoming to England the son
+of the rector of Neverden. But Robert Darnley
+was by no means in spirits for the enjoyment of
+festivity. He was sorry for what he had heard
+from Zephaniah Pringle, and he was angry that
+he was sorry, and then again sorry that he was
+angry.</p>
+
+<p>It had been unfortunate for him that there
+had been such silence observed on the subject
+of his correspondence and acquaintance with
+Penelope. Scarcely any one but the parties
+concerned knew anything of the matter. Mr
+Kipperson suspected it, and the Smatterton
+family had been informed of it by Mr Darnley,
+because the reverend gentleman thought it but
+respectful to let them into the secret. As for
+Sir George Aimwell, he scarcely knew or thought
+of anything, except administering justice and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span>
+killing birds. The Reverend Charles Pringle,
+rector of Smatterton, was also quite unaware of
+the existence of any correspondence between
+Robert Darnley and Penelope Primrose. No
+wonder then that, under the present awkward
+circumstances, and with the false account which
+Zephaniah, the critic, had brought from London,
+there should be in the hearing of Robert Darnley
+much conversation by no means agreeable
+to his feelings, or soothing to his mind.</p>
+
+<p>When the party began to assemble they began
+also to talk: but at the first their talk was very
+desultory and common-place. The worthy baronet
+was congratulated by Mr Kipperson on
+having caught a poacher, and was condoled with
+by the same gentleman on having lost almost
+his whole brood of pheasants. It is astonishing
+that any one can be so simple as not to see
+that pheasants were obviously created to be shot
+by gentlemen and noblemen only, or their gamekeepers.
+There was also much talk about horses
+and dogs, and the poor-rates, and Mr Malthus,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span>
+and parish settlements, and the agricultural interest.</p>
+
+<p>It is very erroneously stated by many persons,
+both in writing and in speaking, that the period
+between the first arrival of the company and the
+serving up of the dinner is most weary, stale,
+flat and unprofitable. But as there is no spot
+of earth so barren as not to produce some curiosity
+to reward the toil and gratify the taste
+of the botanist, so there is no attitude or condition
+of our being which may not yield some
+fruit of instruction and amusement to the moral
+botanist. We deserve the thanks of our readers
+for much that we communicate in the way of
+information and amusement, but perhaps for
+nothing so much as for directing their attention
+to the great and valuable truth, that even the
+usually-considered dreary half hour before dinner
+is not absolutely barren and worthless. Peradventure
+also, by directing the attention to this
+matter, we may prevent many a dinner from
+being spoiled, because we thus present a strong<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span>
+inducement to an early arrival. He that arrives
+first is pretty certain that the rest of the company
+can have no opportunity of pulling his
+character to pieces behind his back. For when
+the host expresses to the rest of his party his
+wonder that Mr Smith is not come, then the
+good people who are hungry and impatient begin
+to talk about Mr Smith, and they use him
+ungently, treating his transgressions with no
+candour, and honoring his virtues with no encomium.
+There is also something very curious in
+observing the different effects which dining produces
+on different persons. Some will enter
+the drawing-room brimfull of intelligence, telling
+everybody everything that everybody knows, and
+nobody cares about. There are people who entertain
+the strange notion that tongues were
+made to talk about mere matters of fact; and
+when they have said their say, they are silent
+for the rest of the evening. There are again
+others who, before dinner, look as wise and as
+stupid as owls; who seem at a most painful loss<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span>
+what to do with their hands, or their feet, or
+their eyes; who having no motive to look at
+one object in the room more than at another,
+let their eyes roll unmeaningly and incessantly
+about as if they were endeavouring to keep them
+open without looking at anything. But when
+these apparently inanimate imitations of Chinese
+Mandarins have had their dinner, their looks are
+brightened and their tongues loosened, and as
+before dinner they seemed as if they were wishing
+most ardently for an opportunity to simper
+at something which might be said by another,
+they after dinner give forth that which interests
+and delights. The period before dinner is also
+one of great importance for the exhibition of
+personal decoration. Then, and then only, has
+dress its right display, and its full complement
+of observers. In this brief digression it is impossible
+to enter into one half, or one twentieth
+of the particulars which may interest and delight
+an observant mind. &#8220;Sermons in stones and
+good in everything,&#8221; is one of the most true<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span>
+and most valuable expressions which the pen of
+Shakspeare ever wrote. But to proceed.</p>
+
+<p>There was, as we have said above, much miscellaneous
+talk before dinner at this &#8220;grand
+miscellaneous&#8221; entertainment, given by Sir
+George Aimwell. Mr Kipperson strutted about
+the room with his hands in his pockets, looking
+as wise as a conjuror and as pleased as Punch,
+saying something scientific or agricultural to
+every one there. The Reverend Charles Pringle
+made his appearance also time enough to show
+the company how possible it was to violate the
+decorum of clerical attire without actually transgressing
+the literal regulations. Lady Aimwell
+received much of that gentleman&#8217;s polite attention;
+and the daughters of Mr Darnley were
+also not unnoticed. The new rector of Smatterton
+was very clever at conundrums, some new
+ones of his own making were graciously communicated
+to the young ladies. Zephaniah Pringle,
+the critic, was pleased to look very important,
+and to feel his dignity and intellectuality mightily<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span>
+hurt, because the talk, such as it was, had no
+interest for him. He was much at a loss to
+think how it was possible for human beings to
+take an interest in such unintellectual things
+as corn, cattle, game and poor-laws; and he
+thought the people were great blockheads because
+they talked about what concerned themselves.
+Robert Darnley received the congratulations
+of his friends; but he received them coldly,
+for his mind was not at ease.</p>
+
+<p>Now after much talk, miscellaneous and desultory,
+several of the party, while yet they were
+waiting for dinner, congregated together at one
+of the windows, and their talk was almost in
+whispers. Zephaniah Pringle was one of that
+select committee, and he was speaking very
+gravely and very knowingly, and Sir George
+Aimwell was looking as much as to say, &#8220;I am
+very sorry for it.&#8221; Mr Darnley the elder was
+also one of the whispering group, and looked
+as serious and solemn as any one of them; and
+every now and then he turned his eyes suspi<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span>ciously
+and inquiringly towards his son. The
+young gentleman more than suspected what was
+the subject of their discourse; and as the rector
+of Neverden was the only one of the party who
+had any suspicion of the interest which Robert
+Darnley took in the person concerning whom the
+discussion was made, they did not very carefully
+subdue and suppress their voices, but they
+spoke loudly enough to be heard in their whispering,
+and the name of Primrose was heard by
+Robert Darnley, and in spite of his high spirit
+he felt sick at heart. And though he felt little
+appetite for dinner, he was glad of the announcement,
+which relieved him from hearing, or rather
+fancying that he heard, talk that told of the
+shame of Penelope.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, that our pen could write strongly as
+our heart feels against those villanous, viper-souled,
+low-minded, merciless reptiles, who, from
+motives too grovelling and dirty to be analyzed,
+impertinently by their ill-digested calumnies,
+mutilate and mangle the fairest reputation, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span>
+sully the purest characters. Never can such
+vermin be sufficiently punished or adequately
+vituperated, for they are absolutely incapable
+of feeling such racking mental agonies as they
+inflict on others. What could such a heartless
+puppy as Zephaniah Pringle feel of mental
+and heart-rending agony, compared with that
+which Robert Darnley experienced, when he
+had reason to think that the high-minded,
+clear-souled Penelope, whom he had loved for
+her purity, her moral as well as personal beauty,
+had so far forgotten all good feelings and all
+high thoughts as to sink down into a character
+for which refined language has no name?</p>
+
+<p>The baronet&#8217;s table was splendidly covered,
+and the guests were as well pleased in demolishing
+as the cook had been in constructing
+and compiling the various specimens of culinary
+art. Sir George Aimwell paid, as was proper,
+especial attention to Robert Darnley, and endeavoured
+to draw the young man into conversation,
+or, more properly speaking, to provoke<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span>
+him into narrative. To such questions as were
+asked he gave an ample and intelligent answer,
+but he proceeded no further; he did not seem
+desirous to obtrude himself upon the attention
+of the company.</p>
+
+<p>Table-talk was by no means the forte of the
+worthy baronet; but when he had a party he
+generally exerted himself: and as he was very
+well aware that, in his own proper person, and
+from his own peculiar stores, he was by no
+means a man of talk, he very considerately endeavoured
+to set in motion other tongues than
+his own. On the present occasion he thought,
+that as Mr Robert Darnley had been long
+abroad, he would most likely be best able to
+entertain the guests. But when the hospitable
+host observed how very slowly and reluctantly
+the young man brought out the stores of his
+information, he next directed his attention to
+Zephaniah Pringle, who was not so reserved.
+He spoke fluently, and readily, and oracularly.
+Sir George, though not a man of letters, was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span>
+ready enough to indulge his guests, or to suffer
+them, if they would, to indulge themselves, with
+literary conversation; and it was a great happiness
+to Zephaniah Pringle to let the inhabitants
+of Smatterton and Neverden know how great a
+man was in their company. Yet there was a
+little abatement from the purity and intensity
+of that enjoyment, in the observing how inapt
+they seemed to be in comprehending which
+were the first publications of the day, and
+which were productions of inferior note. Some
+of the party asked strange things about reviews
+and magazines, and Zephaniah was astonished
+that there should be in any part of Great
+Britain such complete, total darkness, and intellectual
+neglect, as that his own peculiar periodical
+should be altogether unknown even by
+name. He attributed their ignorance to mere
+spite, or thought that Lord Smatterton, being a
+Whig, had made it a point to conceal from his
+country neighbours the existence of that periodical,
+which, by the means of pastry-cooks and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span>
+tobacconists, had an immense circulation in the
+metropolis. The daughters of Mr Darnley
+listened with much reverence to the oracles of
+Zephaniah the critic, and they thought him
+prodigiously wise, because he thought differently
+from everybody else. They asked his
+opinion of every book which they remembered
+having read: and they endeavoured to persuade
+themselves to entertain the same opinions as
+he did.</p>
+
+<p>If our readers imagine that, from what we
+have said concerning the daughters of the rector
+of Neverden, these young ladies were superficial
+simpletons, we are desirous of removing
+such impression. They were not conceitedly
+confident in their own judgment; and, as they
+were not much in the way of seeing or hearing
+literary pretenders and intellectual quacks, they
+gave Zephaniah Pringle credit for all that he
+assumed. They did not think very highly of
+themselves, and therefore they readily yielded
+assent to the oracles of one who appeared so<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span>
+competent and able to give an opinion. Many
+others, besides the daughters of Mr Darnley,
+have been at a first, or even second interview
+with Zephaniah, very greatly deceived as to the
+height, the depth, and the breadth, of the critic&#8217;s
+understanding.</p>
+
+<p>This part of our narrative, though not directly
+tending to the developement of the history, we
+could not consent to pass by unnoticed; for
+though it may not be very entertaining, it is instructive,
+and it affords us an opportunity of
+giving a valuable hint to our young readers.
+The hint to which we allude, is to caution
+them against too much modesty. Only suppose,
+for instance, that such an empty-headed
+coxcomb as Zephaniah Pringle had entertained
+a fair opinion of his own understanding, or that
+he had underrated his own intellectual powers
+and stores, who would ever have found out that
+he was superior to what he assumed? Who
+would have taken the trouble to urge him to
+assume a higher rank? Not one. But now<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span>
+that he set himself up for a great one, who was
+to detect the hollowness of his pretensions?
+Not above one in a hundred. And who would
+take the trouble to expose him? Not one in a
+thousand. And who would take notice of the
+exposure? Not one in ten thousand.</p>
+
+<p>In our next edition we will cancel this last
+paragraph, if we find that modesty has ever made
+its owner rich or celebrated. Modesty is certainly
+very much to be praised, and if we were
+candidate for any situation of honor or emolument,
+or even for a good seat in a theatre, we
+should very much approve of the modesty of
+such as, having power to rival us, would meekly
+and quietly stand out of our way.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">During</span> the night which followed the grand
+dinner given by Sir George Aimwell, Robert
+Darnley scarcely slept a single hour. He retired
+to his apartment full of bitter and distracting
+thoughts, almost tempted to believe that
+there was truth in the foul libels that thoughtless
+blockheads have uttered and written concerning
+the gentler sex. He said to himself,
+&#8220;Frailty! thy name is woman.&#8221; He was so
+grieved, so pierced to the heart&#8217;s core, that he
+forgot for a while all that he had heard, read,
+or witnessed of woman&#8217;s devout affection, unwearied
+kindness, heroic attachment, and moral
+sublimity. And he thought not of the patience<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span>
+with which woman bears the peevishness of our
+infancy, the selfishness of our riper years, and
+the capricious fretfulness of our declining age.
+He was for a while angry and contemptuous,
+professing to himself an indifference which he
+did not feel, and fancying himself superior to
+that weakness under which he was writhing and
+labouring in bitter agony. Then there was a
+change in the complexion of his thoughts, and
+as the angry passions yielded to the approaching
+drowsiness which health must periodically experience,
+more tender and more gentle thoughts
+subdued him. The eyelids were scarcely closed,
+when imagination threw her rainbow light on past
+days, and there stood before him, not quite in
+a dream, the image of Penelope&mdash;lovely, bright,
+and living. The momentary vision melted him,
+and the effort to retain it banished it. Slowly
+his slumbers crept again upon him, and the
+vision was more distinct, and he could hear
+again that sweet voice with which he had been
+enraptured, and there was in his heart a repeti<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span>tion
+of that swell of feeling with which he had
+years ago taken his leave of her. So passed the
+night.</p>
+
+<p>When morning came again, it found the
+young man unrefreshed and unrested. But in
+the family of the rector of Neverden there was
+great regularity and punctuality. Robert Darnley
+therefore made his appearance at breakfast
+at the usual hour. It was impossible not to
+see that his mind was painfully disturbed, and
+it was also equally impossible not to conjecture
+the cause of its agitation.</p>
+
+<p>A very unpleasant restraint sat upon the whole
+party. Mr Darnley the elder would not speak
+on the subject of his son&#8217;s altered appearance,
+and Mrs Darnley and her daughters were reluctant
+to introduce any mention of the matter,
+unsanctioned by Mr Darnley. The hour of
+breakfast was usually to that family a season
+of social and cheerful talk, but on the present
+occasion there was silence and restraint; and as
+they abstained from addressing themselves to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span>
+Robert, they also abstained from talking to one
+another. When breakfast was over Mr Darnley
+desired his son&#8217;s presence in the study.</p>
+
+<p>Robert Darnley knew he was destined to undergo
+a lecture, and he braced himself up to
+bear it with filial resignation. The young man&#8217;s
+father prided himself on the fluency with which
+he could talk in the way of admonition, and we
+believe that he derived almost as much pleasure
+from these exhibitions as his auditors did profit.
+Sir George Aimwell used to say, that instead of
+sending poachers to gaol, it would be a better
+plan to send them to Mr Darnley to be talked
+to; for the worthy baronet thought that they
+would not readily expose themselves to the risk
+of a second infliction. Those of our readers who
+have never been talked to will not be able to
+sympathize with Robert Darnley; those who
+have, will pity him from the bottom of their
+hearts.</p>
+
+<p>The young man promptly obeyed his father&#8217;s
+commands and delayed not to attend him in the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span>
+study; for he naturally supposed that the sooner
+the lecture began the sooner it would be over.
+The father seated himself and desired his son to
+shut the door and seat himself too. These preliminary
+steps having been taken, and Mr Darnley
+having stirred and arranged the fire so amply
+as to preclude the necessity of any more attention
+to it for some time, thus began:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Robert, my dear boy, I wish to have some
+little talk with you. I have not had much
+opportunity of speaking to you since you came
+home. Now, you know, I can have no other
+object in view than your welfare. I do not
+desire you to follow the advice I may give you,
+unless you are convinced of its propriety. You
+know of course what I am now alluding to&mdash;your
+unhappy attachment to that unfortunate
+young woman, Miss Primrose. For my part, I
+cannot say that I altogether approved of it in
+the first instance; but I said nothing. I knew
+the impetuosity of your character and the obstinacy
+of your disposition, and therefore I con<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span>cluded
+that opposition might do more harm than
+good. I hoped that, in time, your own good
+sense would let you see that it was not a suitable
+connexion for you. I do not say indeed
+that I have ever observed anything absolutely
+improper in the conduct of Miss Primrose; but
+I must be permitted to say, that there was
+too much pride in her manner, considering her
+station and expectations. Of the young woman&#8217;s
+father I knew comparatively nothing, except that
+he had gambled away his property and broken
+his wife&#8217;s heart. Mr Primrose did call here,
+as you know; but I must confess to you I was
+not much pleased with his manners. I was
+under the disagreeable necessity of rebuking
+him for taking the name of the Lord in vain.
+As for the young woman herself, of course you
+must relinquish all thoughts of her after what
+you have heard from Mr Pringle. Now let me
+advise you to banish her from your mind at
+once. I am sorry to see that your thoughts
+are still too much dwelling upon her. You<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span>
+make your mother and your sisters and me very
+uncomfortable by these gloomy looks. Why
+can you not be cheerful as you used to be?
+What have you to regret? You ought rather
+to be grateful that you have been rescued from
+such a marriage, and that it cannot be said that
+the dissolution of the acquaintance arose from
+your own caprice. I think that the young
+woman did not manifest a very great sense of
+propriety when she so readily adopted the profession
+of a public singer. And what would
+the world say, should the report ever get abroad,
+that my son was desirous of marrying a public
+singer? I gave the young woman all the good
+advice I possibly could; but I fear it will be
+of no use to her. There were such very strong
+manifestations of her partiality for that profligate
+young man, Lord Spoonbill, that I am not
+at all surprised at what I hear from Mr Pringle.
+Now all that I can say is, that if after this you
+can retain any regard for Miss Primrose, you do
+not shew yourself a man of sense and prudence.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Here Mr Darnley paused, not because he was
+out of breath, for he spoke very slowly and
+deliberately, but because he thought that he
+had said enough to induce his son to relinquish
+the thought of Penelope, and to make himself
+mightily happy under his disappointment. But
+it certainly is very provoking, after living three
+years or more in expectation of receiving the
+hand and heart of a lovely, amiable, and intelligent
+young lady, to find at last that all this
+bright anticipation is come to nought. It had
+been painful to Robert Darnley that several of
+his later communications had been unanswered;
+but he would not suffer that circumstance
+alone to weigh with him, considering it possible
+that the fault was in the irregular transmission
+of letters. When he came back to England
+and heard that Miss Primrose was in London
+with the Earl of Smatterton&#8217;s family, it
+appeared obvious enough that she had considered
+the correspondence as having ceased.
+But still it was not clear to the young ma<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span>n&#8217;s
+entire satisfaction that this had been a voluntary
+act on the part of Penelope. It was
+possible that his letters might not have reached
+their destination, and that Miss Primrose might
+be regarding him as the faithless one. Such
+was his spirit, that he would not rest under the
+imputation of such conduct, and he resolved
+to take the earliest opportunity of coming to
+an explanation. When, however, in addition to
+all that he had heard from his own family of
+the partiality manifested by Penelope for Lord
+Spoonbill, he heard also the tale told by Zephaniah
+Pringle, he wavered and hesitated. It was
+not probable, he thought, that such rumours
+could be totally unfounded, and it comported
+but too well with what Mr Darnley had already
+said.</p>
+
+<p>The distress of mind which Robert Darnley
+suffered, and that gloominess of look which his
+father reprobated and lectured him upon, did
+not arise so much from the mere loss of
+Penelope, as from the harassing doubts to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span>
+which he was exposed by the conflicting of
+external and internal evidence. It is a painful
+thing to doubt, because it is humiliating, and
+seems to question our discernment. It is also
+very perplexing to the mind when it sees evidence
+enough to prove that which it feels to be
+impossible, or very unlikely. In this dilemma
+Robert Darnley had been placed by what he
+had heard of Penelope Primrose. He knew, or
+at least very firmly believed her to be of decided
+character, good principle and high spirit. He
+felt it impossible that she should love a profligate
+or a blockhead, and he knew Lord Spoonbill
+to be both. But it was very clear that she
+was with Lord Smatterton&#8217;s family, and that
+she had certainly contemplated the public exercise
+of her musical talents.</p>
+
+<p>To his fathers discourse therefore he listened
+with unresisting patience, and only replied when
+it was finished; &#8220;I can only say, sir, that if
+what Mr Pringle has said concerning Miss
+Primrose be true, I have been very much<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span>
+deceived in the estimate which I had formed
+of the young lady&#8217;s mind and character.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly you were,&#8221; replied his father;
+&#8220;you are a young man and have seen but little
+of human nature. You are hasty, very hasty,
+in forming your judgment. You will grow wiser
+as you grow older. Now I was not deceived
+in Miss Primrose. I could see her real character.
+I always thought her very proud and
+vain and conceited. But she laboured under
+great disadvantages in her education. Her uncle
+was a worthy man, but he was a mere scholar,
+by no means a man of the world. And as for
+Mrs Greendale, she is a very weak woman.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Robert Darnley knew his father too well to
+contradict him directly in anything which he
+might be pleased to assert; he therefore only
+ventured in a very circuitous way to insinuate
+the possibility that Mr Zephaniah Pringle might
+be erroneously informed, and that there might
+be some mistake or misapprehension. But the
+worthy rector of Neverden was not able to bear<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span>
+the slightest approach to contradiction or opposition.
+He had lived so long in absolute authority
+in his own house and parish, that he was
+perfectly sincere in believing that he could never
+be wrong and ought never to be contradicted.
+He therefore contributed very considerably to
+shorten the discussion, by saying:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You are of age, and of course may do as you
+please; but, if you will condescend to take my
+advice, you will think no more of Miss Primrose.
+At all events, it is my particular request that I
+may hear no more of her.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>To this the young gentleman bowed respectfully.
+Now it does not appear to us that Mr
+Darnley adopted the best plan in the world to
+set his son&#8217;s heart at rest. Nor did Robert
+Darnley find any great alleviation in what
+his father had been pleased to say concerning
+Penelope&#8217;s actual situation and real character.
+It also occurred to the young gentleman&#8217;s mind,
+that his father had superfluously and unnecessarily
+quoted the fact of Mr Primrose having<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span>
+used irreverent and thoughtless language. It is
+not indeed, generally speaking, advisable to
+bring every possible accusation against an offending
+one; for by so doing we make known
+our own pettishness or malignity quite as much
+as we display the sins of the accused. If Miss
+Primrose had been in other respects a suitable
+wife for Robert Darnley, the fact that her father
+had spoken hastily and unadvisedly, would not
+have rendered her unsuitable. And if the situation
+of Penelope had been such as it had been
+represented by Mr Pringle, then there was quite
+enough to set Robert Darnley&#8217;s mind at rest
+upon the subject, without quoting Mr Primrose&#8217;s
+transgressions.</p>
+
+<p>The disappointed lover had no sooner finished
+the task of hearing his father&#8217;s lecture, than
+he was destined to undergo a gabblement from
+his mother and sisters. Mrs Darnley was a
+worthy good creature as ever lived; but she
+would talk, and that not always consequentially.
+She always however meant well, though she<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span>
+might be clumsy in the manifestation of her
+well-meaning.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, Robert,&#8221;&mdash;thus began Mrs Darnley,&mdash;&#8220;and
+so your father has been talking to you
+about poor Penelope Primrose. What a pity it
+is that such a nice young woman should turn
+out so. I really could hardly believe my senses
+when I first heard of it. Dear me, what a
+favorite she used to be here; your father used
+to think so highly of her.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I can&#8217;t say that I thought so very highly of
+her,&#8221; interrupted Miss Mary Darnley; &#8220;she was
+a great deal too haughty for my liking. Of
+course we were civil to her for Robert&#8217;s sake.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Miss Mary was rude in thus interrupting her
+mother, but it was the general practice with the
+young ladies, and Mrs Darnley was so much
+in the habit of being interrupted, that she always
+expected it, and kept talking on till some one
+else of the party began. Now this remark of
+Miss Mary might be founded on truth, or it
+might be merely the result of an angry imagi<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span>nation.
+For there is in the human mind such
+a reluctance to acknowledge an error in judgment,
+that even when we have been really and
+palpably deceived in a human character, we
+generally find out or persuade ourselves that
+we &#8220;prophesied so,&#8221; though we never told any
+body.</p>
+
+<p>The eldest Miss Darnley, however, had more
+candour. It was her opinion that, though Miss
+Primrose had not behaved exactly as she ought
+to do, yet she had too high a sense of propriety
+and decorum ever to transgress as was represented
+by Mr Pringle.</p>
+
+<p>In this annunciation of opinions it was but
+right and regular that the youngest should speak
+in her turn; and notwithstanding the apparent
+deference which she had seemed on the previous
+day to yield to the oracular language of Zephaniah
+Pringle the critic, she said:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;I wonder who told Mr Pringle? I dare say
+Miss Primrose did not, and I should not think
+it likely that Lord Spoonbill did.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh dear,&#8221; replied Mary, &#8220;I dare say it is
+the general talk in London, and everbody knows
+it by this time.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh dear,&#8221; retorted Martha, &#8220;I dare say
+you know a great deal about London.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I know a great deal more about it than you
+do, Martha; I was there with papa nearly two
+months when we had lodgings in Wigmore
+street.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Martha was inclined to be pert, and Mary to
+be pettish, and the two sisters would very
+likely have enjoyed a skirmish of tongues, had
+they not been stopped by the good humour of
+their brother, who was very happy to divert
+their tongues and thoughts to other topics.
+Robert Darnley therefore made an effort to suppress
+unpleasant feelings, and directed the conversation
+to affairs of a different description;
+and he amused his mother and sisters with
+anecdotes and narratives descriptive of the
+country from which he had recently arrived.</p>
+
+<p>In assuming this composure, Robert Darnley<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span>
+was not a little aided by the suggestion thrown
+out by Martha. And he began to think it very
+possible that Mr Zephaniah Pringle might have
+been misinformed. He might have had wit
+enough to form that conjecture without the
+assistance of his youngest sister; but he was
+too much agitated to think calmly on the
+subject.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">The</span> preceding chapters, relative to affairs at
+Neverden, were rendered indispensable by the
+necessity under which we were placed to account
+for the non-appearance of Robert Darnley
+in London, to clear up the mystery and explain
+the cause of the interrupted correspondence.
+We are now most happy to revert to that part
+of our narrative which more immediately and
+directly concerns Penelope Primrose and her
+father. For this purpose therefore our history
+goes back a few days.</p>
+
+<p>After the first passionate agitation of meeting
+had subsided, and Penelope was able to
+speak collectedly, and Mr Primrose was patient<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span>
+enough to listen to two successive sentences,
+the young lady explained to her father the situation
+in which she had been placed by the
+sudden decease of her uncle, and spoke of the
+kindness which she had experienced from the
+Earl and Countess of Smatterton, adding, that
+they had been so kind as to propose giving her
+the opportunity of meeting her father in London.
+She then informed her father that Lord Spoonbill
+was in the house, and would be happy to
+see him.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose was too happy at the meeting
+with his daughter to think anything of the
+awkward stories which he had heard of the
+young gentleman&#8217;s irregularities. He therefore
+expressed himself pleased with an opportunity
+of making his acknowledgments to any part of
+the family. The young lord therefore soon made
+his appearance. And such was the frank, gentlemanly
+aspect and bearing of Mr Primrose,
+that his lordship was quite delighted with him,
+and said with great sincerity much which he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span>
+would otherwise have said with polite formality
+and hypocrisy.</p>
+
+<p>Penelope exercised a considerable degree of
+self-command in introducing Lord Spoonbill so
+composedly to her father. And happy was it
+at this moment for Mr Primrose, that such was
+his cheerfulness and hilarity of feeling, that he
+was only sensible to that which was pleasant
+and agreeable.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My Lord Spoonbill,&#8221; said he with one
+of his politest bows, and with the most agreeable
+intonation of voice that he could command,
+&#8220;I thank you most sincerely, and I beg
+that you will convey my most cordial and respectful
+thanks to the Earl and Countess of
+Smatterton for their kind and generous attention
+to my dear child.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Even with similar politeness did Lord Spoonbill
+profess how truly happy the Earl and Countess
+had been in affording any accommodation
+to the neice of their late esteemed friend, the
+respected rector of Smatterton. By making men<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span>tion
+of that good man, Lord Spoonbill brought
+tears into the eyes of Mr Primrose, who mournfully
+shook his head and replied:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ah, my lord, he was indeed a good man.
+I lament the loss of him most sincerely. So
+much kind feeling, blended with such strict integrity,
+and so high a degree of moral purity, I
+never have witnessed in any other. I have seen
+strictness of principle with severity of manners,
+and I have witnessed kindness of heart with
+moral carelessness; but the late Dr Greendale
+had the most finely attempered mind of any
+man I ever knew. He did, or desired to do,
+good to everybody, and that must have been
+a hard heart which he could not soften.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It was well for Lord Spoonbill at this moment
+that he was not of so susceptible a temperament
+as Mr Primrose, or the remark last recorded
+would have distressed him. It was in another
+point of view ill for his lordship that he had
+not a little more sensibility, for if he had he
+might have been moved to contrition and re<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span>flection.
+His lordship very courteously assented
+to every compliment which Mr Primrose felt
+disposed to pay to the late Dr Greendale. And
+presently his lordship directed the talk to other
+matters; for though he had not sensibility to
+be moved, yet he had enough of that kind
+of feeling which rendered him awkward under
+reflections and recollections. The hereditary
+legislator was also especially desirous of knowing
+what was to be the immediate destination
+of Miss Primrose and her father; but found,
+after a long conversation and many indirect
+hints, that no arrangement of any determinate
+nature had entered the mind of Mr Primrose,
+who probably thought, that for the night ensuing,
+he might take up his abode at the town residence
+of Lord Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>At length, Lord Spoonbill, finding that it
+became time for him to return to dinner, and
+knowing that it would not be very agreeable
+to the Countess to take back with him father
+and daughter too, and suspecting also very<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span>
+strongly and very naturally that the two were
+not likely to be separated, began to make something
+like an apology to Mr Primrose for having
+brought him to an empty house, and offered
+such accommodation as the house might afford,
+expressing his great regret that he himself was
+under the necessity of returning to Lord Smatterton&#8217;s
+suburban villa.</p>
+
+<p>These explanations and apologies roused Mr
+Primrose to his recollection, and he presently
+and promptly declined availing himself of his
+lordship&#8217;s kind offer, and expressed his intention
+of taking up his abode at a hotel, which
+he named.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill was satisfied. He now knew
+where to find Mr Primrose again; and so long
+as he was not at a loss where to seek Penelope,
+his lordship readily took his leave, with a promise
+that he would very shortly pay his respects
+again to his good friends.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose and his daughter then went to
+their hotel, and the overjoyed parent endeavoured<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span>
+to compose himself for the sobriety of narrative
+and interrogation. Many questions were asked,
+and multitudinous digressions and recommencements
+and interruptions rendered their discourse
+rather less instructive than entertaining.
+The father of Penelope walked restlessly about
+the room, and ever and anon would he stop and
+look with an indescribable earnestness on the
+face of his child, as if to fill his mind&#8217;s eye
+with her image, or to endeavour to trace her
+likeness to her departed mother. And from
+these momentary absorptions he would start into
+recollection, and utter such thrilling expressions
+of delight, that his poor child feared that the
+joy would be too much for him.</p>
+
+<p>Some of the human species have suffered more
+from joy than from sorrow. Ecstacy has lifted
+the mind to that height and giddiness as to
+destroy its self-command, and to precipitate it
+into the depths and darkness of idiocy. Penelope
+entertained a fear of this kind for her
+father. For she had not been accustomed to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span>
+witness or yield to any very strong emotions.
+Her uncle, with whom she had lived, had been
+a very quiet man; and, in his studious retirement,
+life had passed smoothly and placidly as
+the waveless current of a subterranean stream.
+Mrs Greendale had experienced and manifested
+occasional ebullitions, but they were merely culinary,
+domestic, common-place, and transitory. As
+for herself, poor girl, deep as her feelings might
+have been, and strongly, as in various instances,
+she might have been moved, these emotions were
+solitary and soon suppressed.</p>
+
+<p>When therefore she saw her father in this state
+of agitation, much of her own joy was abated in
+thoughts and fears for him. But in time the
+violence of the emotion abated, and the father
+and daughter sat down together to dinner. This
+was a relief to them both. When the cloth was
+removed, Mr Primrose then bethought himself
+of Robert Darnley. Drawing closer to the fire,
+he said to Penelope; &#8220;Well, but, my dear child,
+I have not yet said a word about an old ac<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span>quaintance
+of yours, whom report says you have
+not used handsomely. But I don&#8217;t mind what
+report says. Have you quite forgot your old
+neighbour Robert Darnley?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Penelope sighed and shook her head, and
+replied, &#8220;Oh, no, my dear father; I have not
+forgotten him.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Then why did you not answer his letters?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I answered his letters, but he did not answer
+mine.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What!&#8221; exclaimed Mr Primrose;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span> &#8220;do you
+say that he was the person who dropped the
+correspondence? You are wrong, my dear, you
+are wrong. Ay, ay, I see how it is&mdash;some letters
+have not been delivered. It is all a misunderstanding;
+but it will soon be set right. I have
+seen the young man. He is now at Neverden;
+and he tells me that you have not answered his
+letters. But we shall soon see him in town.
+He would have come with me, but he must
+needs stay to eat his Christmas dinner at the
+parsonage, just to please the old folks. That
+of course is right; and if children did but
+know how easily parents are pleased, and how
+happy they are when their children please them,
+there would not be so many undutiful children
+in the world.&mdash;And so, my dear Penelope, it is
+all a mere invention that you are attached to
+Lord Spoonbill?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Recollecting what had that morning taken
+place, and from that also calling to mind what
+before she had not noticed, and what without
+that event she would have forgotten; thinking
+again how assiduously and politely attentive
+Lord Spoonbill had behaved towards her, she
+began to think that his lordship&#8217;s attentive behaviour
+had been seen and noticed by others
+when it had not been obvious to herself. And
+these thoughts confused and perplexed her.
+Therefore she did not immediately reply to her
+father&#8217;s interrogation. Her silence was observed
+by her anxious parent, and he hastily said:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;What then, is it true? But it is a great
+pity. Robert Darnley is a fine spirited young
+man; and I am sure he did not design to drop
+the correspondence. Well, well; you are like
+your father, you are very hasty. But never
+mind, it cannot be helped now. And what will
+you say to poor Darnley when he sees you
+again; for I fully expect him up in town as soon
+as Christmas is well over? I dare say he will
+be here in a week, or a little more. I told him
+that he would find us at this hotel. And has
+Lord Spoonbill really made proposals to you?
+And have you accepted his offer?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The discovery which this talk of her father
+opened to the mind of Penelope moved her with
+feelings not describable. There was powerful
+and oppressive agitation, but whether painful or
+pleasurable she scarcely knew. Her heart was
+too full to speak, and her thoughts too hurried
+for utterance. The colour was in her cheeks,
+and the tears were silently falling, and presently
+the quick glancing eye of her father caught the
+expression of concern and deep feeling, and his
+impetuosity misinterpreted the emotion. With<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span>
+rapidity of utterance, and with kind tenderness
+of tone, he exclaimed, grasping her hand:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nay, nay, my dear Penelope, do not be so
+afflicted. You misunderstand me, indeed you
+do. I am not angry with you. If you are
+really attached to Lord Spoonbill, and if he has
+a regard for you, I would not for the world
+oppose your inclinations. If you are happy, I
+shall be so. I know comparatively very little
+of Robert Darnley. As to what I saw of his
+father, I certainly thought not favourably. The
+young man appeared not so proud and formal
+as the old gentleman. But Lord Spoonbill may
+be a very excellent man, and I am sure he would
+not be your choice if he were not so. I dare
+say that all these stories I have heard of his
+profligacies are not true.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Hereat the young lady started; and she thought
+that she had some faint recollection of having
+heard some obscure hints on that subject; for
+these matters are not made the topic of explicit
+discourse in the presence of young ladies. And<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span>
+with this impression she hastened to undeceive
+her father as to the state of her affections, protesting
+very calmly and deliberately that there
+had not been any transfer of her attachment to
+Lord Spoonbill from Robert Darnley. And, as
+connectedly and circumstantially as she was able,
+she narrated the history of her life, from the
+decease of her worthy uncle to the moment of
+her meeting with her father.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose made his observations on these
+events, and expressed himself delighted in having
+arrived in England time enough to prevent
+his daughter from publicly exhibiting her musical
+talents. Now, in the course of Penelope&#8217;s
+narrative, mention had not been made, nor did
+it seem necessary to state the fact, of Lord
+Spoonbill&#8217;s declaration of devotedness, which his
+lordship had made that very morning. It was
+therefore unfortunate, though of no great consequence,
+that when the poor <ins title="original: gird">girl</ins> had finished
+her story, Mr Primrose said:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;And so then after all Lord Spoonbill has
+not said a word to you on the subject of attachment?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It became necessary then to acknowledge what
+had passed in the morning; and the reluctance
+with which the acknowledgment was made very
+naturally excited some slight suspicion in the
+breast of Mr Primrose, that there was something
+more serious than had been acknowledged. A
+satisfactory explanation however was made, and
+all was right again.</p>
+
+<p>This trifling incident would not have been
+mentioned, but for the illustration which it
+affords of the value of explicitness and candour,
+and for the proof which it presents that the
+purest and most upright mind may, from a false
+delicacy, involve itself in serious perplexity.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">At</span> the hotel where Mr Primrose had taken up
+his residence, he remained with his daughter for
+two or three weeks. Penelope and her father
+were during this time in daily expectation of
+seeing or hearing from Robert Darnley, but
+there came no letter, there came no visitor.
+Mr Primrose grew impatient, and talked to his
+daughter about writing. That Penelope should
+write was quite out of the question, nor could
+the young lady bring herself readily to allow
+her father to write.</p>
+
+<p>They both agreed that, if the young man was
+still seriously attached, he would find some way
+of communicating with them now all parties
+were together in England. And so he certainly<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span>
+would have done, had it not been for the false
+report carried to Neverden by the loyal and
+religious Zephaniah Pringle, and corroborated
+by the almost unanimous and universal talk of
+the people of that village. Influenced by this
+tale, he remained at Neverden spending day after
+day in most clumsily doing nothing at all. His
+father talked to him, his mother talked to him,
+and his sisters talked to him, but all their talk
+amounted to nothing. Disappointed affection is
+a painful feeling, and talking cannot heal it;
+nor was it ever known in the course of human
+experience, that calling a man a fool has been
+the means of making him wise.</p>
+
+<p>Whatever were the feelings of Robert Darnley
+on this sad blight of his fair hopes, he was wise
+enough to keep them to himself; he was indeed
+dull and listless, but he did not annoy others
+any farther than thus negatively. On the other
+hand, the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill had
+no sooner accomplished the mighty feat of telling
+Miss Primrose how devoted he was to her, than<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[115]</a></span>
+he must needs again invade the luxurious and
+lounging solitude of his friend Erpingham in
+order again to talk over the subject. His lordship
+did not indeed on the very day after, but
+at as short an interval as possible consistent
+with other engagements, call upon his luxurious
+friend to enjoy the pleasure of talking about
+Miss Primrose.</p>
+
+<p>Now Erpingham, as we have already intimated,
+was by no means a simpleton. He had
+wisdom enough to see through Lord Spoonbill,
+though his lordship was not always able to comprehend
+the logic of his old college companion.
+There is at Cambridge, as everybody knows, a
+species of animal called a tuft-hunter, that is, a
+plebeian man, who, for pence or pride, cultivates
+an acquaintance with the young green shoots
+of nobility that are sent to that place to learn
+horse-racing, card-playing, and mathematics, in
+order to make laws to preserve game and keep
+up the dignity of hereditary legislators. Now
+Erpingham was not one of that description.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[116]</a></span>
+But there are, among the unfledged lordlings
+who honor that town and university with their
+superfine presence, some few individuals who,
+in order to enjoy a stronger sense and feeling of
+their own noble rank and exalted condition, seek
+for acquaintance among the untitled. Of this
+class was Lord Spoonbill, and his acquaintance
+thus and there formed, was Mr Erpingham.</p>
+
+<p>To seek an acquaintance with any individual
+is generally felt, whether it be so considered
+or not, as an act of humiliation. It is at all
+events a homage paid to the acquaintance thus
+sought. He that voluntarily seeks after another,
+involuntarily pays that other a compliment. And
+frequently that compliment is taken by those
+who receive it for more than it is really worth.
+By this circumstance therefore that the acquaintance
+with Erpingham had been of Lord Spoonbill&#8217;s
+own seeking, the former did not quite so
+highly value and honor the young legislator as
+otherwise he might have done. And when once
+we can thoroughly and heartily take it into our<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[117]</a></span>
+heads that any man is a fool, it is no difficult
+matter to convince ourselves that he really is so.
+Plenty of illustrations are always at hand, if we
+be intimate with the person in question.</p>
+
+<p>Now, in spite of all the reverence which Mr
+Erpingham felt for high rank, he could not help
+thinking that his lordship was no conjuror.
+Indeed it is no more to be wished than it is to be
+expected that the House of Lords should be all
+conjurors. As therefore Mr Erpingham thought
+but indifferently of the understanding of his
+right honorable friend, it is not to be wondered
+at that Lord Spoonbill should not always be
+treated with the most profound respect. At
+Cambridge, indeed, Erpingham thought it something
+of an honor to be acquainted with a nobleman;
+but by degrees, and especially after
+leaving the university, the gentleman thought
+otherwise, and diminished much of the homage
+which he had formerly paid to that right honorable
+hereditary pillar of the Protestant succession.</p>
+
+<p>When therefore Lord Spoonbill made his ap<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[118]</a></span>pearance
+again, and threatened a tedious lack-a-daisical
+prating about love, Mr Erpingham
+almost laughed at him.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, Spoonbill,&#8221; said the Epicurean, &#8220;and
+so you are coming to report progress. And what
+says this paragon of wit and beauty? I suppose
+you have made your arrangements: and am I to
+be honored by an introduction?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill shook his head, and went on
+tediously to relate all the particulars of the
+journey to London and the introduction to Mr
+Primrose. To all this Mr Erpingham listened
+very attentively; and, when the narrative was
+concluded, he drawled out, &#8220;Well, Spoonbill,
+and what then?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>To that question the hereditary legislator made
+no direct or intelligible reply. His friend therefore
+repeated his question, adding:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[119]</a></span> &#8220;Were you
+content with making a mere sentimental speech
+about your devotion to this young lady? And
+did not you give the slightest intimation of your
+designs?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;How could I,&#8221; replied his lordship, &#8220;under
+these circumstances?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Then I will tell you, my good friend, that I
+have done more for you than you have done for
+yourself.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill started and stared, and exclaimed:
+&#8220;Erpingham! what do you mean?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I mean what I say. Do you know Zephaniah
+Pringle, a literary prig, with whose vanity
+I sometimes amuse myself?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly I do,&#8221; replied his lordship; &#8220;but
+what can he have to do with this matter?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A great deal,&#8221; replied Erpingham; &#8220;he is,
+as I suppose you know, an impertinent chatter-box,
+and whatever is trusted to him as a profound
+secret is sure to be known to all the world; so
+I communicated to him that Miss Primrose was
+in the high road to be placed under the protection
+of the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, and
+by this time Smatterton and its adjoining village
+is already in possession of the important secret.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>On hearing this, Lord Spoonbill started, as if<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[120]</a></span>
+with a strong sense of moral indignation, and exclaimed:
+&#8220;Erpingham, are you mad? What
+could you mean by circulating such a report?
+Suppose I should intend to marry Miss Primrose!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, then you are less likely to have a
+rival.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Although Lord Spoonbill was quite as profligate
+and unprincipled as Mr Erpingham, yet
+as his profligacy and want of principle were
+not managed and directed precisely after the
+model of the same vices in the conduct of his
+friend, his lordship took credit to himself that
+he could enjoy the pleasure of reproving the
+vicious principles of this Epicurean. But though
+he expressed a feeling of indignation at the cool,
+deliberate viciousness of this son of luxury and
+sensuality, he felt no little satisfaction in the
+thought that this report must infallibly reach
+the ears of Mr Robert Darnley, and thus prevent
+any further attempt on his part to renew the
+acquaintance with Penelope.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[121]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It may seem rather strange to some part of
+our readers, that a man who could descend to the
+meanness of intercepting letters, should lift up
+his voice and turn up his eyes at the sin of circulating
+false reports touching the character and
+situation of a young woman, and that this same
+man should deliberately meditate on schemes for
+placing that young woman in that situation
+which he professed to think so degrading. But
+there is a wonderful difference in the apprehension
+which men entertain of the same vices under
+different circumstances. There is also observable
+in the feelings of Lord Spoonbill, on the
+present occasion, the readiness and satisfaction
+with which a man will cheerfully avail himself
+of the benefits derivable from the vicious or unprincipled
+conduct of others.</p>
+
+<p>The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill seemed
+to think that his friend Erpingham had behaved
+very unhandsomely and disrespectfully to Penelope
+by causing such a rumour to get into cir<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[122]</a></span>culation;
+but, when it occurred to him that some
+advantage might be taken of the said rumour,
+his indignation was abated, and all his reproof
+was softened down into merely saying:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Really, Erpingham, you are too bad.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Everybody who is worse than ourselves is too
+bad; everybody, whose vices differ from ours,
+is too bad. Lord Spoonbill was selfish, sensual,
+and unprincipled; but he endeavoured to conceal
+his character, and, from attempting to deceive
+others, had come at last to deceive himself;
+and he really did flatter himself that there was
+some good in his character, and some good feelings
+in his heart. But Erpingham, on the other
+hand, did not play the hypocrite either to himself
+or to others; he was definite and decided,
+and he took to himself some little credit for the
+unblushing honesty of his conduct and character.
+He smiled contemptuously at the meanness and
+littleness of his friend Spoonbill&#8217;s vices; but
+this meanness was essential to the very exist<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[123]</a></span>ence
+of his vices, he would have been frightened
+at himself had he seen his own moral features
+without a mask.</p>
+
+<p>There was this difference in the character of
+these two friends, that had Erpingham had the
+same object in view as Lord Spoonbill, he would
+have pursued it unblushingly, unhesitatingly, and
+without remorse. He would have intercepted
+letters, but he would not have shuddered when
+he had them in his possession; nor would he
+have hesitated to open them, if that would have
+forwarded his schemes. There would have been
+no demur or doubt, but everything would have
+been rendered subservient to his villanous purposes.
+But Lord Spoonbill was not so straitforward
+in his roguery, he was a more pusillanimous
+profligate. The difference between the
+two is, that Erpingham was an object of indignation,
+and Lord Spoonbill of contempt.</p>
+
+<p>Seeing therefore how matters now stood, the
+Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill thought that he
+might as well pursue his first object with regard<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[124]</a></span>
+to Penelope, and not, at least for the present,
+think or say a word concerning marriage. And
+it was a great consolation to him in the course
+of his meditations to think how much more unprincipled
+Erpingham was than he.</p>
+
+<p>From a long, and to the Epicurean a wearying
+discussion, Lord Spoonbill returned to his home;
+and on his return he found that the Countess
+was quite angry, and that her patience was exhausted
+in waiting for Penelope&#8217;s return. The
+young lady had indeed mentioned the subject to
+her father, but he did not think any further
+acknowledgments necessary than he had already
+personally made to the heir of the house of
+Smatterton. Nor could Mr Primrose persuade
+himself that any very high tribute of gratitude
+was due for that species of patronage which the
+Countess of Smatterton had proposed for his
+daughter. It was his feeling, that her ladyship
+had in view her own gratification quite as much
+as the welfare of Penelope.</p>
+
+<p>When therefore Lord Spoonbill found that the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[125]</a></span>
+Countess was still expecting either the return of
+Miss Primrose, or some grateful intimation that
+the proffered patronage was declined, he thought
+it an excellent opportunity to propose a call on
+Mr Primrose; and, after some of the usual prate
+about condescension and dignity, the young lord,
+on the following morning, rode up to town.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[126]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">When</span> a lady finds herself a second time alone
+with a gentleman who has once addressed her
+on an interesting topic, but whose address has
+not been altogether pleasant and agreeable, the
+lady&#8217;s situation is by no means enviable. It is
+more distressing still when, in the recollection of
+the young lady, there are yet lingering the faint
+relics of brighter and better hopes.</p>
+
+<p>This was the situation of Penelope when Lord
+Spoonbill called upon her. Mr Primrose was
+not within: business demanded his attention in
+the City, and there he was likely to be detained
+some hours. The young lord, with well feigned
+seriousness, expressed his regret that he should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[127]</a></span>
+be so unfortunate as not to meet with Mr Primrose,
+and he added that he would call again if
+Mr Primrose was likely soon to return. When
+however he heard that Penelope did not expect
+her father till dinner-time, he was more pleased
+with the information than he professed to be.
+Miss Primrose very respectfully enquired after
+the Earl and Countess of Smatterton; and, in
+replying to those enquiries, Lord Spoonbill took
+the opportunity of hinting that her ladyship
+felt somewhat anxious to know whether the
+return of Mr Primrose to England had induced
+Penelope to relinquish the thought of that profession
+which she had recently contemplated,
+and for which immediate preparation became
+otherwise necessary and important.</p>
+
+<p>In reply to this enquiry, Penelope informed his
+lordship that her father had expressed himself
+decidedly of opinion that such pursuit would
+not be agreeable to himself or necessary for his
+daughter. Lord Spoonbill cared little for the
+disappointment, except that it would be in the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[128]</a></span>
+way of his schemes, and render the arrangement
+which he meditated rather more difficult of execution.
+So far as expectation was concerned,
+he was prepared for this event; but he was not
+prepared with any plan that he might immediately
+pursue.</p>
+
+<p>After the common-place talk was finished,
+his lordship thought that he ought to take his
+leave; but he was reluctant to go, and he did
+not know how to stay. Penelope also wished
+him gone, for she was afraid of a renewal of an
+unpleasant topic. The young lady also took no
+particular pains to conceal that wish, and his lordship
+was not quite so flat as not to discern that
+his presence was not very acceptable. In truth,
+his situation was grievously perplexing, and a
+wiser man than he would have been at a loss in
+such circumstances how to act. It was clear
+to him that Penelope had not quite forgotten
+Robert Darnley; it was also obvious that Lord
+Spoonbill was not yet essential to the happiness
+of Miss Primrose; he most earnestly desired<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[129]</a></span>
+to render himself agreeable to Miss Primrose,
+and he very well knew that nothing could be
+more agreeable than that he should take his
+leave; but that would not have been agreeable
+to himself; and greatly as he desired to do anything
+that might recommend him to the approbation
+of Miss Primrose, he was equally desirous
+of avoiding anything that might be disagreeable
+or unpleasant to himself.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill is not to be regarded in this
+instance as differing so very widely from the
+rest of the world. Other lovers frequently have
+the same ideas on the subject of the mutual
+accommodation of themselves and their adored
+ones. And if, after this observation, any individual
+of the gentler sex should be deceived
+by professions and protestations of disinterestedness,
+the fault will be hers and not ours.</p>
+
+<p>In this embarrassing situation in which Lord
+Spoonbill was placed, it occurred to his most
+fertile imagination that it might greatly forward
+his designs upon Penelope, if, by any means,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[130]</a></span>
+he could contrive to bring the young lady to
+think unhandsomely of Robert Darnley. It
+certainly would not do for his lordship to make
+any direct allusion to this young gentleman;
+for it was hardly supposed by Miss Primrose
+that there existed in the mind of his lordship
+any knowledge of the acquaintance between
+her and the son of the rector of Neverden;
+and such was his lordship&#8217;s clumsiness in the
+management of his irregularities, that he was
+even fearful of the most indirect allusion to
+Robert Darnley, lest, in making that allusion,
+he might betray himself.</p>
+
+<p>At length it came into his lordship&#8217;s most
+sagacious head that, although it might be
+hazardous to make any allusion to Neverden,
+there could not be much risk incurred by enquiring
+after Mrs Greendale, therefore he ventured
+to ask, as if for want of something else
+to say, if Miss Primrose had lately heard from
+Smatterton, and in making this enquiry he endeavoured
+to watch the countenance of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[131]</a></span>
+young lady most narrowly, in order to observe
+whether the mention of Smatterton produced
+any deep emotion as connected with Neverden.
+Penelope answered with perfect composure, and
+informed the hereditary legislator that Mrs Greendale
+had not written to her since her departure
+from Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>After mentioning Mrs Greendale, his lordship
+proceeded to some more common talk, merely
+and obviously to delay his departure; and he
+manifested in this kind of talk that he had a
+great wish to recur to that topic which he had
+introduced on the morning of Mr Primrose&#8217;s
+meeting with his daughter. But if it was evident
+to Penelope that such was his lordship&#8217;s
+wish, it was quite as evident to his lordship that
+the young lady was equally uneasy under the
+apprehension, and dreaded the repetition of a
+discussion which at its first introduction had so
+distressed her thoughts.</p>
+
+<p>And now it would have been absolutely and
+uncontrollably necessary for Lord Spoonbill to
+take his leave, and he must have taken his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[132]</a></span>
+leave, not knowing when or how he might find
+Penelope again, had it not been for one of those
+unexpected and extraordinary accidents which
+often change the aspect of a whole life. This
+accident was neither more nor less than the
+sudden return of Mr Primrose to his hotel.</p>
+
+<p>By the expression of Mr Primrose&#8217;s countenance,
+which seldom indeed concealed or belied
+the emotions of his mind, it was visible that
+some calamity had befallen him, or at least that
+something had occurred to discompose him. It
+might not be anything very serious; Penelope
+hoped it was not; for, during the short time
+that she had been with her father she had had
+abundant occasion of observing that such was the
+susceptibility of his feelings, that the expressions
+of joy and sorrow were soon excited, and that
+by a very slight and trifling occurrence.</p>
+
+<p>But it was soon manifest that it was no trivial
+circumstance that oppressed the spirits of her
+father in the present instance. When he entered
+the apartment he scarcely noticed his
+daughter or Lord Spoonbill. He took the former<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[133]</a></span>
+by the hand, and to the latter he slightly bowed;
+and this was his only recognition of them, for
+he did not open his lips, and he scarcely directed
+his looks towards them. His lips were closely
+compressed, as if he feared that by opening
+them he should betray or give way to stronger
+expressions of grief than might well become
+him. He sat himself down upon a chair and
+looked listlessly out into the street, moving
+neither feature nor muscle, except that the vibration
+of his eyelids was more rapid than usual.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill was now at a loss whether to
+offer his sympathy or to take his departure. He
+could not, with any great propriety, leave the
+room without taking some notice of Mr Primrose;
+but such was the expression of the poor
+man&#8217;s countenance, that it seemed that merely
+to speak to him in the most common-place
+manner imaginable would be to distress his
+feelings, and to burst open that flood of grief
+which he seemed to endeavour to restrain. Directing
+therefore an enquiring look to Penelope,
+and again turning towards Mr Primrose, his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[134]</a></span>
+lordship, by these looks and the movements which
+accompanied them, intimated an intention of
+departing, if his presence were a restraint.
+Seeing that Mr Primrose kept his position, and
+that no change was made in his features, his
+lordship was just whispering to Penelope that
+he was sorry to see her father under such depression,
+and that it might be agreeable that he
+should leave them, Mr Primrose hastily started
+up and said;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I beg your pardon, Lord Spoonbill, for my
+rudeness, but I have met with a shock this
+morning that has completely subdued me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>At this speech, Penelope caught her father&#8217;s
+hand with tender eagerness, and asked, as well
+as her feelings would allow, what was the nature
+of the misfortune that he had met with. Most
+tenderly, and with a tone which reached even
+the heart of Lord Spoonbill, Mr Primrose said;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My dear, dear child, you are a dependent
+again, and God knows how soon you may be an
+orphan indeed.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Before Penelope could speak, and indeed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[135]</a></span>
+before she well comprehended her father&#8217;s
+meaning, the distressed man directed his speech
+to Lord Spoonbill, saying;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Could you believe it possible, my lord, that
+such deliberate villains should exist in a Christian
+country, as to take from a man the little
+property which he had been toiling for years to
+accumulate, to take what they knew they never
+could restore. Those villains suffered me, but
+ten days ago, to deposit my all in their hands,
+and now they have stopped payment; and from
+all that I can hear in the City, I am not likely
+to receive above one shilling in the pound, and
+I may wait months, or perhaps years, for that.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It may be in the recollection of the reader, that
+Lord Spoonbill was described in an early part
+of this narrative as being unduly and indecently
+pleased to hear of the illness of Dr Greendale,
+as exulting in the thought that the decease of
+that worthy, kind-hearted man would afford his
+lordship a more convenient opportunity of pursuing
+his schemes against the peace and inno<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[136]</a></span>cence
+of Penelope Primrose. It will not therefore
+appear very surprizing if that same hereditary
+legislator should regard the present calamity
+of Mr Primrose as an agreeable circumstance to
+himself, and as greatly favouring his designs.
+There was however, in the contemplation of this
+misfortune of the father of Penelope, a desire
+also on the part of his lordship to contribute
+towards its alleviation. Lord Spoonbill was a
+profligate, and he was a mean, contemptible
+fellow; but he was not a devil incarnate, delighting
+in mischief or wickedness purely for its
+own sake. He wished Mr Primrose no ill, he
+had no desire to inflict any injuries or to give
+pain to any one, but he loved himself, and he
+pursued his own plans for his own pleasure, and
+he was pleased with whatever gave him promise
+or hope of success, even though that very circumstance
+should be the death or injury of another.</p>
+
+<p>Seeing, therefore, that in the present circumstances
+there was something which afforded him
+promise, he was pleased, and being pleased he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[137]</a></span>
+very kindly sympathised with Mr Primrose, and
+expressed a wish that matters might not be quite
+so bad as was expected.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose took his lordship&#8217;s sympathy
+very kindly, and his mind was soothed by it; and
+with rather more self-possession than might have
+been expected, he replied; &#8220;For myself, I care
+but little; but it is mortifying, after so long an
+absence from my native land, and after so much
+toil and perseverance for the sake of my own
+and only child, to find that all the fruit of that
+toil is swept away at once.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Penelope, who had been overwhelmed by the
+suddenness of the intelligence, had scarcely
+spoken; but now assuming with great success
+a calmness and resolvedness of manner, said to
+her father:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[138]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;If that be all the calamity, my dear father,
+it is easily remedied. The Countess of Smatterton
+has been kind enough to promise me
+her high patronage, and to facilitate my efforts
+towards providing an independency, and Lord
+Spoonbill has but this moment, just before you
+returned, been enquiring whether or not I design
+to continue my preparation for that pursuit.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No, no, my Penelope, that is an occupation
+which I am sure can never suit your taste. I
+will not on any account consent to that. How
+can I bear to think of my own child exerting
+and wasting her strength to amuse the public,
+and to see her standing before a promiscuous
+and unfeeling multitude, exposed to the rudeness
+and insolence of loudly expressed disapprobation
+and extempore criticism?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nay, my good sir,&#8221; said Lord Spoonbill in
+his pleasantest manner; &#8220;there is no danger, and
+there need be no fear, that Miss Primrose will
+ever incur disapprobation; whatever loud expressions
+there may be, will be expressions of
+applause and delight.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And that,&#8221; rejoined Mr Primrose,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[139]</a></span> &#8220;is almost
+as bad. To stand up before a multitude and
+beg for their applause, even if the applause be
+gained, is to my feelings humiliating. To a female
+it is more painful still. I cannot brook the idea
+of being dependent on a multitude, a capricious
+mass of, perhaps, gross and indiscriminating individuals.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill was so much delighted with
+the probability of Miss Primrose&#8217;s return to the
+condescending and discriminating patronage of
+the Countess of Smatterton, that the anticipation
+made him more than usually eloquent and
+logical; and there was something also in the
+manner of Mr Primrose that excited the hereditary
+legislator to use his utmost powers of
+persuasion. He therefore thus pursued the subject:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[140]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;But, sir, it is not merely in that profession
+which Miss Primrose contemplates, that the
+public takes the liberty of expressing its opinion.
+The highest personage in the kingdom is
+not exempt from expressions of public censure
+or public applause; and when a nobleman in
+the House of Peers, or a gentleman in the House
+of Commons, rises and expresses his sentiments
+on any question of policy, the public takes the
+liberty to express, and sometimes very loudly
+and rudely, an opinion of the merits or demerits
+of such speech.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, my lord, you are talking very plausibly;
+but you must feel that there is a wide
+difference between the two cases. You cannot by
+such arguments cheat me out of my feelings.
+I thought it a calamity when I heard that my
+child meditated that profession, and I was delighted
+that it was in my power to save her from
+such a painful publicity.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It was not perhaps quite consistent with the
+strictest veracity when Penelope, interrupting her
+father, said: &#8220;Indeed, my dear father, you quite
+misunderstand me, if you think that I should feel
+any unpleasant sensations in that publicity.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose saw clearly enough the motive of
+that speech; and he began to wish that this
+discussion had not taken place in the presence of
+a third person; and Lord Spoonbill saw that this
+feeling oppressed the poor man. With a degree<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[141]</a></span>
+of propriety and delicacy therefore, which he
+could readily assume when it suited his purpose,
+he concluded his visit by saying:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, Mr Primrose, I will not intrude upon
+you any longer for the present; and I can only
+say, that I hope you will not find the affairs of
+your banker quite so bad as you expect; but if
+you should, then I will venture to say that the
+Earl of Smatterton will not forget a near relative
+of the late respected Dr Greendale. Our family
+will be in town in a few days, and I shall be most
+happy then to repeat my call. And should Miss
+Primrose still persist in wishing to adopt the
+musical profession, a patroness and every possible
+assistance will not be wanting.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>In this there was much kindness, and Mr
+Primrose was accordingly pleased with the
+young lord, and forgot for a moment that he
+had ever heard any stories to his discredit.
+And, when the father and daughter were left
+alone, they entered into long and serious talk
+concerning their respective prospects.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[142]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose was not left absolutely pennyless
+by the stopping of his banker; but the
+greater part of his property was gone if, as report
+stated, the house should be only able to
+pay one shilling in the pound. Indeed, upon
+the supposition of a much larger dividend, the
+property, which would then remain to Mr Primrose,
+would be but a very narrow and scanty
+independence. He had not made so very large
+a fortune in India as some persons are said to
+have accumulated; but, as soon as he had acquired
+what he thought a respectable competence,
+he returned to England to have as much
+as possible the enjoyment of his daughter&#8217;s
+company, and those pleasures which none but
+a native land is capable of affording.</p>
+
+<p>When he had stated to Penelope as accurately
+and fully as possible the various particulars relative
+to his property, and mentioned the sources
+from whence the rumours came concerning the
+incompetency of his banker, the young lady
+very composedly expressed her readiness to avail<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[143]</a></span>
+herself of the proffered patronage of the Countess
+of Smatterton. There appeared so much
+sincerity and cheerfulness in the proposal, that
+Mr Primrose felt himself considerably relieved:
+and not only did there appear sincerity in the
+language used by Penelope, but there really was
+what there appeared to be. For reluctant as
+she might have been to engage in such a profession
+merely for the gratification of a patroness,
+she felt very differently when she thought
+that she might thereby be an assistance to her
+father.</p>
+
+<p>Hurt as Mr Primrose&#8217;s feelings, or pride, might
+have been at the thought of receiving assistance
+from his own daughter, whom he had hoped
+to place in a state of independence, and mortified
+as he might be at the prospect of the
+young lady making a public appearance, yet he
+had but little to say to the repeated enquiry
+which Penelope made in answer to all his
+objections; for invariably his remarks were fol<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[144]</a></span>lowed
+by the question&mdash;&#8220;What else can be
+done?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It was too late for Mr Primrose to return to
+India; and the patronage or interest which once
+had favoured him now existed for him no longer.
+He had not been brought up to any profession
+whereby he might gain a livelihood in England,
+and he had been accustomed to a style of living
+which rendered daily bread a more expensive
+article to him than to those of humbler prospects.</p>
+
+<p>A very distressing and heart-rending scene
+may be drawn of human suffering from the lowest
+and most abject of the children of penury
+and destitution. But we have our doubts whether
+the bitterest and keenest sense of suffering
+is really in that class. The poor gentleman
+suffers mentally, and while the beggar who lives
+on casual charity has an occasional luxury in
+a full meal, he, whose poverty must be hidden
+but cannot be unknown, is labouring under an<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[145]</a></span>
+unremitting and incessant pressure; and it is
+this that wastes away the body to a mere shadow
+and bows down the spirit to the earth. They
+are cruel and unfeeling indeed, who mock such
+misery as this. We envy not the talent which
+can draw mirth from a source so painful.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[146]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Another</span> morning dawned, and with its opening
+light there came to the father of Penelope
+a feeling of his comparatively destitute situation.
+His heart swelled as he thought of it, and he
+had some difficulty to preserve composure enough
+to meet his child. There was however one drop
+of consolation in the cup of his affliction, for it
+was not by his own fault or folly that his present
+loss was occasioned. But even this consolation
+afflicted him, for it brought to his recollection
+his past folly, and reminded him of the patient
+endurance with which the mother of his
+Penelope had borne up, as long as possible,
+against her sufferings. He recollected how gra<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[147]</a></span>dually
+and slowly she sunk, and how to the very
+last moment of life her looks were to him all
+tenderness and forgiveness. And he thought
+that he could also discern in his child those
+same moral features which had been the grace
+and glory of her departed mother.</p>
+
+<p>Commanding his feelings as well as he could,
+he commenced the talk concerning the calamity
+of the preceding day. His heart was touched
+by the cheerful manner in which Penelope referred
+to the proposal of the Countess of Smatterton,
+and he smiled through his tears to hear
+how sanguinely the poor girl talked of the certainty
+of high success. But as yet all was in
+uncertainty.</p>
+
+<p>His banker, in whose hands he had placed the
+greater part of his property, had certainly stopped
+payment; but it could not yet be ascertained
+when his affairs would be put into a train for
+settlement, nor was it likely that one so little
+acquainted with the City as Mr Primrose should
+be able to form any idea of the dividend which<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[148]</a></span>
+might be paid. He certainly had heard it said
+that no greater dividend would be forthcoming,
+than one shilling in the pound. But people in
+the City sometimes tells lies not knowing them
+to be lies, and sometimes even do they go so far
+as to tell lies knowing them to be so.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose was a very hasty man, catching
+up whatever he heard, and taking it for granted
+that all he heard was true. He never thought
+of enquiring what was the political party to
+which his banker belonged, nor did he know to
+what party those persons attached themselves
+who told him the melancholy story of that banker&#8217;s
+inability to pay more than one shilling in
+the pound. As for Mr Primrose himself, he,
+poor man, knew nothing about party; he was
+not aware that England contained two classes
+of men, one of which is all that is good, and
+the other all that is bad. He simply knew that
+the banker had stopped payment, and that two
+very respectable-looking gentlemen had declared
+it as their opinion that there would not be a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[149]</a></span>
+dividend of more than one shilling in the pound.
+That story he believed, and on that presumption
+was proceeding. His daughter of course could
+know nothing about the matter; and as for the
+Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, he was such a
+superfine sort of a gentleman that he hardly
+knew that there was such a place as the City;
+and if he had ever heard of such an animal as a
+City Alderman, he took it for some such a creature
+as the Bonassus.</p>
+
+<p>Now this melancholy intelligence, which Mr
+Primrose had brought with him from the City,
+put a stop of course to those employments in
+which he would otherwise have been engaged.
+He was preparing to look out for some residence,
+either in town or country; and for that purpose
+he had every morning read with great attention
+all the advertisements of desirable residences to
+be sold or let. It was not very pleasant to turn
+from these thoughts to study painfully the means
+of again acquiring a maintenance.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[150]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It was more especially distressing to him to
+observe how anxiously his poor child now supplicated
+as a favour to be permitted to engage
+in an occupation, from which he knew that,
+under other circumstances, she would have
+timidly shrunk. He was afflicted to hear such
+solicitations; but he had so much pleasure in
+his daughter&#8217;s society, and so little occasion to
+go out, that he remained in his hotel the greater
+part of the morning, or more properly speaking
+the day. Towards evening however it occurred
+to him, and to any one else it would have occurred
+much earlier, that it might be the means
+of setting his mind a little at rest, and of giving
+him some little ground of hope, if he should go
+once more into the City and enquire of his agent
+into the probability of a settlement or arrangement
+of his banker&#8217;s affairs.</p>
+
+<p>While Mr Primrose was gone into the City
+Penelope was left mournfully alone. It is indeed
+very dull to spend a long solitary evening in a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[151]</a></span>
+strange place without occupation, and with nothing
+to think upon but painful recollections
+and fearful anticipations.</p>
+
+<p>The room in which the poor girl was left was
+large and well furnished, but there were no books
+in it, and the pictures were but indifferent engravings
+in splendid frames. There was a newspaper,
+but that was soon exhausted. There were
+many persons in the house, but Penelope knew
+none of them, and none of them cared about
+her.</p>
+
+<p>It had been very different at Smatterton, and
+at Neverden; in those two villages everybody
+knew her, and everybody loved her more or less;
+and there she never felt herself alone, for she
+knew that her good uncle was near her, and
+there is some pleasure in knowing that a good
+friend is near us. There, when she heard footsteps
+and voices, they were familiar voices and
+the footsteps of friends; but in the large hotel,
+where she sat alone waiting for her father, she
+heard only the voices of strangers. And when<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[152]</a></span>
+for the sake of a little variety she drew aside the
+drapery of the long windows and looked down
+upon the lamp illuminated street, there was
+something quite melancholy in the dim appearance
+and the monotonous sounds. Carriage-wheels
+seemed to roll incessantly, and their
+passing lights were miserably reflected from myriads
+of little puddles coldly shining amidst the
+uneven pavement.</p>
+
+<p>There was a specimen or two to be heard
+of the London cries; but there was no music
+in them, and they fell upon the ear with a
+strangely unpleasant effect, intermingled with the
+occasional sound of a street organ. Penelope
+strained her attention to listen to the music, and
+it was pleasant to her, though the images which
+it raised in her mind were those only of sad
+regrets. There is more effect produced by those
+street organs than people in general are aware
+of. Shall we be pardoned the strangeness of the
+expression, if we say that they sometimes give a
+wholesome agitation to the stagnation of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[153]</a></span>
+moral atmosphere? And shall we be still farther
+pardoned if we digress, for the sake of illustrating
+by an anecdote the above singular expression?
+By such a digression we are not interrupting
+our narrative, which is now indeed, like
+its pensive heroine, standing still.</p>
+
+<p>A father had lost an affectionate and promising
+child, over whose long lingering illness he had
+watched anxiously but hopelessly. The poor
+child had suffered patiently, but had experienced
+some intervals of ease, and some sensations
+even of delight. A popular melody had
+caught his fancy, and when the wandering organist
+of that neighbourhood played his favourite
+air, the little sufferer&#8217;s eyes would brighten, and
+his pale transparent hand would beat the time
+as knowingly as an amateur. That was a scene
+for a parent to recollect. And the poor little one
+died, and the father, when he had seen the grave
+closed upon the child&#8217;s remains, returned to his
+home in a state of apathy: feeling seemed to
+have perished in him. The organist made his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[154]</a></span>
+accustomed round, played the favourite air; the
+bereaved father was awakened to the agony of
+remembrance, and those tears flowed freely and
+spontaneously, which told that feeling had not
+departed.</p>
+
+<p>By the itinerant musicians the feelings of
+Penelope were awakened; but she could not
+help observing how much less emotion she experienced
+than formerly, when these well-known
+melodies brought to her mind thoughts of the
+absent and the distant. Her mind was otherwise
+engaged and her thoughts otherwise directed.
+Little did she imagine, when she had been anxiously
+expecting and joyfully anticipating her
+father&#8217;s return to England, that so dark a cloud
+would obscure the first dawn of her happiness.
+While she was thus wearing away the slowly
+moving hours, the door of the apartment was
+opened and Lord Spoonbill made his appearance.</p>
+
+<p>It is a great evil that virtuous men should
+ever make themselves disagreeable, and it is also<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[155]</a></span>
+a great evil that vicious men should make themselves
+agreeable; but the latter is quite as common
+as the former, and perhaps more so. He
+that exercises no reflection, and never turns his
+thoughts within, has so much the more attention
+to give to the external of manner and
+address. And so much had Lord Spoonbill cultivated
+manner, that although Penelope had
+reason to suppose him to be no conjuror, and
+though she had also reason to think that his
+morals were not the most pure, yet he was not
+altogether offensive and disagreeable to her.
+She could not but feel almost grateful to him
+for having so readily abstained from urging the
+topic which he had mentioned on the day of her
+meeting with her father. It also appeared to
+her highly flattering and complimentary, that a
+person of his lordship&#8217;s rank should deign to pay
+court to one of inferior station; for there was
+not in her mind the slightest or remotest suspicion
+that Lord Spoonbill had any other than the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[156]</a></span>
+most honourable intention in making a profession
+of attachment.</p>
+
+<p>When his lordship made his appearance, he
+was received cordially and as cheerfully as
+circumstances would permit. Penelope had now
+fully made up her mind to adopt the profession
+recommended by the Countess of Smatterton,
+and as Lord Spoonbill had on the previous day,
+in conversation with Mr Primrose, used arguments
+rather recommendatory of that step, the
+young lady could not of course imagine that
+there remained in his lordship&#8217;s mind any intention
+whatever of pursuing the subject of his
+attachment, or renewing any mention of his love
+and devotedness.</p>
+
+<p>This thought gave to her manner a much
+greater ease, and being also blended with the
+pensiveness of her present feelings, presented her
+to the eye of Lord Spoonbill as more interesting
+and lovely than ever. His lordship was a vain
+man; and to possess so lovely a creature as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[157]</a></span>
+Penelope, would be the means of gratifying his
+vanity. He was cunning enough however to
+see that Miss Primrose was quite unsuspicious
+of his designs, and that she did not anticipate a
+revival of that discourse to which her earnest
+supplications had put a stop. He felt therefore
+that it would not be prudent hastily to recommence
+a conversation of that nature, but to
+endeavour to render himself more agreeable, and
+to try to ascertain how far there yet remained in
+her recollection any tender thoughts of Robert
+Darnley.</p>
+
+<p>Such were his lordship&#8217;s intentions, but they
+were frustrated by the manner in which Penelope
+spoke, and by the decision with which she proposed
+to cast herself on the patronage of the
+Countess, and to adopt the profession so earnestly
+recommended by her ladyship. Lord
+Spoonbill to this proposal replied, that the
+Countess would be most happy to afford Miss
+Primrose all the assistance in her power; and his
+lordship was also pleased to say, that this reso<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[158]</a></span>lution
+would contribute very essentially to increase
+the attractions of Lady Smatterton&#8217;s
+parties.</p>
+
+<p>Penelope sighed and almost shuddered at the
+thought; but, as the effort was made for the
+sake of her father, she subdued or concealed her
+reluctance. It was of course understood by his
+lordship, that this resolution of the young lady
+arose from the loss which her father had experienced;
+it was therefore very natural that some
+expressions of sympathy and concern should be
+used on the occasion by the hereditary legislator.
+These expressions were gratefully received
+by Penelope, though her language of acknowledgment
+was only the language of looks and
+imperfectly suppressed tears.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill interpreted this emotion as an
+omen in his favour; and he was tempted by his
+evil genius to say something farther in allusion
+to the prohibited topic. He was greatly and
+agreeably surprised to hear no express and hasty
+interruption; and fearful lest this silence should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[159]</a></span>
+proceed only from abstraction of mind, he went
+on to speak more decidedly and less equivocally
+concerning his attachment to the young lady.
+Penelope gave symptoms of understanding his
+lordship, but shewed no decided or obvious
+marks of disapprobation. There seemed to be,
+and there certainly was, a strong conflict in her
+mind. She had not, indeed, ceased to think
+tenderly and affectionately of Robert Darnley;
+but she had nearly, if not altogether, ceased to
+hope. The conflict in her mind was between
+her affection for her father and her indifference
+to Lord Spoonbill. We will not say that her
+vanity was not flattered by the apparent offer
+of so splendid an alliance. It perhaps influenced
+her as little as it would influence any
+one; but when the mind is just recovering from
+the pains and mortifications of a first disappointment,
+it is mightily indifferent to matters of
+sentiment. The very loss of a first love is of
+itself so great an affliction, that it appears as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[160]</a></span>
+if no condition of being could render the affliction
+greater.</p>
+
+<p>Finding that Penelope returned no answer to
+his protestations of attachment, and that she
+did not withdraw her hand from his grasp, his
+lordship proceeded to urge his suit in the common
+language adapted for such occasions as the
+present, and used by such persons as his lordship.
+Penelope, fancying that she was about
+to give her consent to become Lady Spoonbill,
+prefaced that consent by expressing her fears
+that the Earl and Countess of Smatterton would
+look down, with disapprobation at least, on one
+so humble and portionless. To obviate this
+objection his lordship, who did not, or who
+would not see the misapprehension of the young
+lady, observed that the Earl and Countess need
+not know anything of the arrangement.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But how is that possible?&#8221; inquired Penelope
+in the simplicity of her heart.</p>
+
+<p>In explaining that possibility his lordship also<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[161]</a></span>
+explained the object which he had in view in
+making a declaration of his attachment. Now
+Penelope, who had been brought up under the
+roof and instruction of Dr Greendale, and who
+knew no more of the world than the world knew
+of her, was not able immediately and readily to
+comprehend his lordship&#8217;s meaning, and when
+she did comprehend it, she was shocked and
+astonished at it; her pride also, of which she
+possessed constitutionally an abundant share,
+took alarm at the indignity, and she would, but
+for the utter depression of her spirits, have
+resented the insult loudly and contemptuously.
+As it was, her only resource was in a copious
+flood of silent tears, and when her paroxysm of
+anguish was somewhat abated, so that she could
+find utterance for words, she said:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My Lord Spoonbill, let me request you to
+leave me. My father will soon return, and if
+he should learn what has passed, I cannot
+answer for the consequences.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill began<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[162]</a></span>
+to discern symptoms of a horsewhipping, and
+having acted dishonorably, he looked foolishly.
+It was not generous to attempt to take advantage
+of the misfortunes of Mr Primrose, and the
+destitute condition of Penelope. But there was
+in his lordship&#8217;s heart so great a regard for
+Penelope, that he resolved at all events to make
+her his own, and that if marriage was the only
+condition, he would offer her marriage. With
+this view he stammered out something which he
+intended as an apology, and endeavoured, as
+well as he could, to unsay all that he had said
+concerning the humiliating arrangement which
+he had at first proposed; but Penelope heard
+him not, or if hearing, heeded him not.</p>
+
+<p>Hereupon his lordship became more earnest
+in his solicitations, and made such clumsy attempts
+to explain away his first proposal, that
+the young lady began to think more contemptuously
+of him than she had ever thought before.
+And now his lordship saw that there was some
+truth and justice in the observations which had<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[163]</a></span>
+been thrown out by his friend Erpingham. Seeing
+the lady so resolute and obdurate, he thought
+it would be the wisest step that he could take
+to leave her for the present, in hope that hereafter
+her indignation might somewhat abate.</p>
+
+<p>When he was gone, the poor, perplexed, and
+almost desolate one, felt in some measure relieved
+by his absence; but, when she began to reflect,
+she found that her hopes of the patronage of
+Lady Smatterton were now gone; for it would
+be absolutely impossible for her to place herself
+again in a situation where she might be exposed
+to the importunities of Lord Spoonbill. And
+when at a late hour in the evening her father returned
+from the City, it was too much for her to
+receive him cheerfully, and she could no longer
+speak sanguinely and with confidence concerning
+her prospects under the patronage of Lady
+Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>As for Mr Primrose, no brighter prospect
+seemed to shine before him; for he had gained
+no intelligence. He had found, as he might<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[164]</a></span>
+have expected, the office of his agent closed,
+and there was no one in the house who could
+give him the slightest information. He was astonished
+at the world&#8217;s apathy; no one seemed to
+sympathise with him. Everybody was wrapped
+up in their own concerns, and the thoughts of all
+seemed to be centred in themselves. This is
+indeed not much to be wondered at. It is the
+way of the world, and always has been, and
+always will, until some change takes place which
+we cannot yet anticipate or conjecture. It was
+pleasantly observed by a sentimental jockey, who
+lost by a considerable length the first race he
+ever rode, &#8220;I&#8217;ll never ride another race as long
+as I live. The riders are the most selfish, narrow-minded
+creatures on the face of the earth.
+They kept riding and galloping as fast as they
+could, and never had once the kindness or civility
+to stop for me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>In some such state of mind as this was Mr
+Primrose when he returned from his fruitless
+excursion in the City. All the inquiries which<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[165]</a></span>
+he had made about his agent, as to where he
+was, and how long the office had been shut,
+and what time it would be open tomorrow, and
+ten thousand other matters, had been answered
+with a toil-saving brevity and a coldness, which
+intimated that the persons answering the questions
+had not so great an interest in them as the
+person asking them.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[166]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Many</span> days had now passed away since Mr
+Primrose had left Neverden and Smatterton, and
+since Robert Darnley had expressed his resolution
+to make prompt inquiry into the cause of
+the interruption of the correspondence between
+Penelope and himself. There had arrived no
+intelligence from the young gentleman: but Mr
+Primrose began now to think that he himself
+had not done right in listening and yielding to
+the delicate scruples of his daughter. The
+father of Penelope was of that complexion of
+mind that, under similar circumstances, he would
+have thanked any one for removing any misunderstanding,
+even had it been the lady herself.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[167]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>He knew that Robert Darnley had not been
+the wilful cause of breaking off the correspondence,
+and he knew also that his own daughter
+had not neglected to answer the letters which
+she had received. He knew that the parties
+were attached to each other, and he had learned
+from Penelope herself that there was no foundation
+for the story of her attachment to Lord
+Spoonbill. Now what should prevent him from
+writing to Neverden to inform the young gentleman
+of this fact? He thought that it would be
+an act of kindness to both parties. Nevertheless,
+it should be observed, that Mr Primrose
+was not one of those terribly kind people who
+force their kindness upon one, whether we like
+it or not, as the man who beat his wife and
+said, &#8220;It is all for your good, my dear.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>When therefore he was fully satisfied that it
+would be but an act of kindness to his daughter
+to remove the mystery from the mind of Robert
+Darnley, he did not take this step without first<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[168]</a></span>
+consulting her for whose benefit such step was
+to be taken. At breakfast he said to Penelope:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;So, my dear, my excursion into the City
+was to no purpose last night. I find that I
+must make an earlier visit, and therefore I shall
+go again to-day. I hope and trust I may find
+matters not quite so bad as I first anticipated.
+And I think that you need not be in a very
+great hurry to engage in this profession. I
+cannot say I like patronage. But why should
+not we take some steps to let Robert Darnley
+know that the breaking off the correspondence
+was not your act? I think I ought to write to
+him. Indeed I almost promised that I would.
+Very likely he may be waiting till he hears from
+me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My dear father,&#8221; exclaimed Penelope, &#8220;you
+surely would not think of such a step as that.
+It would be exceedingly indelicate, and might
+expose me to contempt. Mr Darnley knows
+that I am in London, and if he were at all dis<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[169]</a></span>posed
+to renew the correspondence, or to have
+an explanation of the cause of its interruption,
+he would either have written or have made his
+appearance in town. Knowing that I was at
+Lord Smatterton&#8217;s, it was no difficult matter
+to write to me; for the letter would be sure
+to find me, if directed under cover to his lordship.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But, my dear child,&#8221; interrupted Mr Primrose,
+&#8220;I think he expects to hear from me; for
+I recollect now having said something to that
+effect.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But after this long interval, if Mr Darnley
+were really anxious, and at all concerned about
+me, he would have written to press you to the
+performance of your promise.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He might have done so to be sure,&#8221; said her
+father, slowly and thoughtfully, and then, as if
+recollecting himself, he continued in a livelier
+and quicker tone;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[170]</a></span> &#8220;but perhaps, as he has not
+heard from me, he takes it for granted that you
+really were desirous of dropping the correspondence;
+and so after all you will appear to him
+as the person by whose act and deed the acquaintance
+has ceased.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And what will he, or can he think,&#8221; rejoined
+Penelope, &#8220;if, under present circumstances, there
+should be on my part an effort made to renew
+the acquaintance? No, no; let the matter rest.
+Even if you did promise to write first, you may
+be sure that he would not have waited patiently
+all this while in expectation of hearing from you.
+He might naturally enough suppose that I should
+object to having overtures made as from me;
+and if he had a real regard for me, we should
+have heard from him by this time. My attachment
+to Mr Darnley was founded on the qualities
+and endowments of the mind, and if I were
+deceived as to them, that attachment will soon
+die away.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Upon my word, child,&#8221; said Mr Primrose,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[171]</a></span>
+&#8220;I really do not think you have any regard for
+Mr Darnley. You are certainly captivated by
+this Lord Spoonbill.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This was said by Mr Primrose not angrily,
+but with a tone of mock reproach. Penelope
+shuddered at the allusion to Lord Spoonbill; but
+she endeavoured to conceal her emotion as much
+as possible, lest she should be under the necessity
+of informing her father of the proposal which
+his lordship had made her the day before.</p>
+
+<p>While this conversation was passing between
+Mr Primrose and his daughter, another scene
+was passing at the town mansion of the Earl
+of Smatterton, where his lordship and family
+had arrived on the preceding day. Parliament
+was about to meet after the prorogation. On
+such occasions his lordship&#8217;s magnificence swelled
+out to most extraordinary dimensions. Then did
+he bethink himself that he was one of those who
+held in his hand the destiny of the British empire;
+and, when the postman brought letters from
+divers parts of the kingdom, his lordship felt
+himself to be the centre to which many minds
+were directing their most anxious thoughts. The
+letters were handed to his lordship on a silver<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[172]</a></span>
+tray. The servant who brought them swelled
+with importance, and even the silver tray shone
+with unusual brightness beneath its important
+burden.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is very fatiguing,&#8221; his lordship would
+sometimes say, &#8220;to have anything to do with
+public business. I often envy the obscurity of
+humble station. There is peace and quietness
+in the lowly valley.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This, together with much more pompous sentimentality
+of the same kind, his lordship would
+utter when an unusual number of letters were
+brought to him. On the morning to which we
+now refer the number of letters was great, and
+they were spread on the table by his important
+lordship&#8217;s own right honorable hands. The contents
+of some he anticipated, and of others he
+uttered his conjectures.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh! here are two from Smatterton,&#8221; exclaimed
+his lordship:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[173]</a></span> &#8220;one, I see, is from Kipperson:
+that Kipperson is really a man of some
+talent; he has very just views of things. This
+letter from Kipperson is of course on private
+business, which must be postponed to the more
+important affairs which concern the destiny of
+the empire. But from whom can this other
+letter come? I have no other correspondent
+there, except my cousin Letitia, and this is not
+her writing.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Then his lordship looked very knowingly at
+the letter again. But all this speechification
+was perfectly needless; for if he wished to know
+from whom the letter came, he had nothing to
+do but to open it; and till he did open it he was
+not likely to know anything about it. After a
+full share of idle wonderment, his lordship took
+the envelope off the mysterious letter, and found
+that it was addressed to Mr Primrose. Thereat
+his lordship was angry, and expressed great
+astonishment at the liberty thus taken with his
+right honorable name. On looking again at the
+cover he discerned a few lines of apology, bearing
+the signature of Robert Darnley, and stating that
+the liberty had been taken because the writer<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[174]</a></span>
+did not know the gentleman&#8217;s address, and
+because he also understood that Mr Primrose&#8217;s
+daughter was under his lordship&#8217;s roof.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And how am I to know the gentleman&#8217;s
+address?&#8221; exclaimed his lordship with a most
+magnificent air.</p>
+
+<p>But the Countess, who had been informed by
+Lord Spoonbill that Penelope had the intention
+of returning to undergo her ladyship&#8217;s patronage,
+did not feel quite so angry as her lord, but
+suggested that the young lord had seen Mr
+Primrose, and knew the name of the hotel where
+he lodged.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly,&#8221; said Lord Spoonbill, &#8220;I will
+take care of it.&#8221; And he forthwith laid hands
+upon the letter. Lord Smatterton then added,
+&#8220;I beg that Mr Primrose may be immediately
+recommended to make known his address to
+Mr Darnley, that this liberty may not be taken
+again.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>When Lord Spoonbill had possession of this
+letter he forthwith began to think how he should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[175]</a></span>
+dispose of it. He was not quite sure, though it
+came from Robert Darnley to Mr Primrose, that
+it must of necessity discourse concerning love
+and Penelope. When his lordship therefore in
+his own apartment sat muttering over the letter,
+and wondering what it could contain, there was
+some little more reason for his doubts and wonderments
+than for those of Lord Smatterton over
+the unopened cover addressed to himself. The
+letter in possession of Lord Spoonbill was not
+addressed to himself, and therefore he had no
+right to open it, however deeply he might feel
+interested in its contents.</p>
+
+<p>He took up the letter, and looked at the direction
+and at the seal; and he endeavoured to
+conjecture on what other subject than that of
+Penelope Mr Darnley could write to Mr Primrose.
+Then did his lordship poke his right
+honorable finger and thumb into the open sides
+of the letter, endeavouring to catch a glimpse
+of a word or two that might help him over the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[176]</a></span>
+difficulties of conjecture. But the letter was
+so very ingeniously folded that not a single word
+could be seen. Hereupon, incredible as it may
+appear, his lordship was in a very great wrath,
+and was offended with the insolence of Robert
+Darnley, who had taken such pains to fold his
+letter, as if he had a suspicion that any individual
+of Lord Smatterton&#8217;s family should have
+the meanness to look into it. This curious mode
+of folding the letter induced his lordship to make
+another and another attempt to read a line or a
+word. But nothing could be seen. Now, in the
+progress of these repeated efforts at investigation,
+the letter was so much disfigured that his lordship,
+with all his ingenuity, could not make it
+look like itself again.</p>
+
+<p>Another difficulty now arose: for his lordship
+was ashamed to send it in so questionable a
+shape; and should he send or make any apology,
+he must tell something very much like a lie, and
+perhaps by his clumsiness in apologizing create<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[177]</a></span>
+a suspicion of the real fact. Perplexed and undecided,
+he thrust the letter into his pocket and
+walked out.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill must have been very much
+attached to Miss Primrose to take all this
+trouble, and to expose himself to so many annoyances
+on her account; and the worst of the
+matter was that he could not, in making his visit
+to the young lady, quote all these instances of
+mortification and self-denial as illustrations and
+proofs of his devotedness to her. He could not
+tell her that, for her sake, he had stooped to
+meannesses of which any other man would have
+been ashamed. He could not tell her that, in
+order to place her in the enviable rank of nobility,
+he had intercepted her letters and had corrupted
+the integrity of Nick Muggins, the Smatterton
+post-boy. By the way we cannot help
+remarking, that Muggins was much to blame
+for accepting a bribe to betray his trust. But
+the love of gold is an universal passion, it is not
+confined to any one class or condition of human<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[178]</a></span>
+life; it influences the high and the low, the rich
+and the poor, the learned and the unlearned;</p>
+
+<div class="poem">
+  <div class="stanza">
+    <div class="verse">&#8220;In peace it tunes the shepherd&#8217;s reed,</div>
+    <div class="verse">In war it mounts the warrior&#8217;s steed,</div>
+    <div class="verse">In halls in gay attire &#8217;tis seen,</div>
+    <div class="verse">In hamlets dances on the green;</div>
+    <div class="verse">It rules the court, the camp, the grove,</div>
+    <div class="verse">And men below and gentlemen above.&#8221;</div>
+  </div>
+</div>
+
+
+<p>But to return to our enamoured hereditary
+legislator. He was walking, he scarcely knew
+whither, with Robert Darnley&#8217;s letter in his
+pocket; and he was meditating most perplexedly
+on the various events of human life, on
+those at least which concerned himself, and he
+thought that he had been acting very much like
+a fool, and he felt very much inclined to make
+a mighty effort to act like a wise man. But
+wisdom is not an extemporaneous production
+of a fool&#8217;s head. It required something more
+than a volition to change the whole tenor of the
+conduct.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[179]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>In his resolution to act more wisely, the Right
+Honorable Lord Spoonbill made with himself
+this stipulation, namely, that at all events, and
+by any means honorable, or dishonorable, he must
+have Miss Primrose; for it was absolutely impossible
+that he could live without her. It was
+therefore no easy matter for his lordship so to
+manage matters as to gain Miss Primrose at all
+events, and yet to act as a man of honor. For
+here was in his pocket a letter, which, as a man
+of honor, he ought immediately to hand over to
+Mr Primrose; and yet he very strongly suspected,
+that if the said letter should come into
+the possession of the person to whom it was addressed,
+it would be most probably the means
+of placing an insuperable objection in the way of
+his lordship&#8217;s designs. It also entered into the
+mind of the meditating young gentleman that,
+if the acquaintance between Miss Primrose and
+Robert Darnley should be renewed, there might
+be some talk about the letters which had not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[180]</a></span>
+reached their destination, and there might be
+made some enquiries. And what if, after all,
+Nick Muggins should turn traitor! Who could
+tell what influences fear or hope might exercise
+over the uncivilized post-boy of Smatterton?</p>
+
+<p>Instruction being a much more important object
+than amusement, we feel ourselves bound to
+direct the attention of our readers to the instruction
+which may be derived from the fact here
+alluded to. Here is political instruction and
+personal instruction. We do not believe a word
+of the idle prating that some political greenhorns
+make about secret service money; but we do
+believe that many of those politicians, and they
+are not a few, who mistake cunning for wisdom,
+frequently become entangled in nets of their own
+weaving, and fall into pits of their own digging.
+To play the rogue with perfect success, is a
+perfection almost beyond the reach of ordinary
+humanity: for they, who have talent and power
+to do so, are generally too wise to possess the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[181]</a></span>
+inclination, and they who are weak enough to
+possess the inclination, are in nine cases out of
+ten too clumsy to carry it on with perfect success.
+And the worst of it is, that they must
+make use of tools which are either too strong
+to be managed, or too weak to be depended on.</p>
+
+<p>This is also a lesson of instruction to persons
+in private life, especially to those who have nothing
+to do but to live on the fruits of their
+grandfather&#8217;s industry, or their great grandfather&#8217;s
+roguery; for it teaches them that, if they will
+pursue those ends which are dishonorable, they
+must also make use of dishonorable means; and
+they will very frequently be placed in very uncomfortable
+and mortifying situations.</p>
+
+<p>Now, however willing Lord Spoonbill might
+have been to suffer the letter in his possession
+to reach its proper destination, he found that he
+could not send it without exposing his former
+meanness to the risk of detection, and in all probability
+defeating the end which he had in view<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[182]</a></span>
+in intercepting the letters which were passing
+between Miss Primrose and Robert Darnley.
+In such perplexity, his lordship walked from one
+street to another till he found himself at a very
+considerable distance from Mr Primrose&#8217;s hotel.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[183]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Lord Spoonbill</span> was not like Cato. For history
+records of the latter that he preferred being
+good to seeming so: Lord Spoonbill had no
+great objection to being a rogue, but did not
+like to be thought one. It was therefore not
+very pleasant for him to be placed in that dilemma,
+of which we made mention in the last
+chapter. He saw, or at least had good reason to
+think that he saw, that Mr Darnley was bent on
+renewing the acquaintance with Miss Primrose;
+and he also feared that Penelope had not sufficiently
+forgotten her first lover.</p>
+
+<p>There also occurred to his mind the thought
+that it was possible for Mr Darnley to make a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[184]</a></span>
+journey to London for a personal explanation,
+if the letter to Mr Primrose should not be answered.
+This consideration suggested to his
+lordship the necessity of taking prompt and
+decided measures. He saw that no chance remained
+for him but in the way of matrimony.
+He certainly dreaded the encounter with his right
+honorable parents; but, if he could not live without
+Penelope, it was absolutely necessary that he
+should take steps to live with her.</p>
+
+<p>This is a very proper place wherein to make a
+digression concerning the omnipotence of love;
+and here we ought to be extremely pathetic,
+shewing and demonstrating with heart-rending
+eloquence, how irresistible is this universal passion:
+and perhaps some of our readers, not many
+we hope, may think that we ought to make a
+very sentimental defence of Lord Spoonbill, as
+some of our predecessors in the history of lovers
+have made of those idle cubs who have shewn
+their refinement and sensibility by seducing engaged
+or betrothed affections. But we do not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[185]</a></span>
+believe in the omnipotence of love; and we do
+not think Lord Spoonbill at all deserving of pity.
+Falling in love with Penelope was on his part
+perfectly voluntary, deliberate, wilful, and intentional.
+It is all very possible and very plausible
+for an inexperienced and thoughtless youth
+to find himself mightily attached to a young
+woman before he is aware almost of the existence
+of the passion; but this was not the case with
+Lord Spoonbill. When he saw Miss Primrose he
+admired her; when he became more acquainted
+with her, he liked her; and, from pursuing, he
+loved her. But he knew from the first that she
+was otherwise engaged; and his designs towards
+her had been degrading.</p>
+
+<p>We have dwelt long, and perhaps tediously,
+on Lord Spoonbill&#8217;s embarrassment; we have
+done so intentionally, because that embarrassment
+dwelt tediously on his mind, and it was
+necessary, for the sake of accuracy in the picture,
+to represent the case not transiently, but
+copiously.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[186]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The result of the right honorable hereditary
+legislator&#8217;s meditation was, that as it was not
+possible for him to live without Penelope, and
+as delay might expose him to the danger of being
+compelled to do that which he knew to be impossible,
+he would take the earliest opportunity
+of making regular and deliberate overtures of
+marriage. And he felt satisfied that the fascination
+of title and the splendour of opulence
+would be too much for a female heart to withstand.
+There was also another thought on
+which he grounded his hopes: he considered
+that the affection which Penelope had for her
+father would induce her more readily to accept
+an offer which would provide her with the means
+of assisting him.</p>
+
+<p>With this resolution he returned home; as he
+thought that it might be more advisable to communicate
+his intention to the parties concerned
+by letter than by word of mouth. Probably
+his lordship might imagine that, if thus Mr
+Primrose were made acquainted with the mag<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[187]</a></span>nificent
+offer that awaited his daughter&#8217;s acceptance,
+paternal pride would be gratified, and
+paternal authority might be added to other motives,
+inducing the young lady&#8217;s compliance.
+Lord Spoonbill was by no means fastidious as
+to the manner in which he gained his object,
+provided that the object was gained.</p>
+
+<p>His lordship dined that day at home. During
+dinner he was silent, and looked almost
+sulky. The Earl and Countess inferred from
+these looks that their hopeful son was on the
+eve of saying or doing something not very agreeable
+to his parents; for he most usually prefaced
+an act of opposition to their will by putting himself
+into an ill-humour. This is a refined piece
+of domestic tactics. None however but spoiled
+children can use it with proper dexterity and
+complete success. When a wife wishes to persuade
+her husband out of his senses, or to guide
+him against his better judgment, her prelude is
+generally an extraordinary degree of sweetness,
+and her preface is made of witching smiles; and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[188]</a></span>
+then the husband thinks that it would be cruel
+to convert such smiles into tears, and he passively
+yields to the power of the silent logic of
+the laughing eye. But the policy of a great
+overgrown booby is different. The spoiled blockhead
+knows that no art of his can give extra
+loveliness to his looks in the eyes of his fond
+parents. His own precious numskull is to them
+the ne plus ultra of human excellence. But if
+that sweet face is darkened by a frown, and if
+the dear pet is sulky, cross-grained, and ill-humoured,
+then anything and everything must be
+conceded to bring him back to his good-humour
+again.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Spoonbill, are you unwell?&#8221; said Lord Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No,&#8221; replied Spoonbill in a style of sulky
+abruptness, which Tony Lumpkin himself might
+have envied.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You seem to be quite out of spirits to-day:&#8221;
+said the Countess, in one of her most agreeable
+and winning tones.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[189]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;One cannot be always laughing and talking,&#8221;
+was the uncourteous and ungrateful reply.</p>
+
+<p>Then followed a long pause. The Earl and
+Countess scarcely dared to speak to each other,
+and Lord Spoonbill pertinaciously held his peace.
+Now such a state of things cannot last long;
+it is absolutely unbearable. Very soon after
+the servants had left the room, as the young
+man&#8217;s silence and sulkiness yet continued, Lord
+Smatterton, who thought himself a bit of a politician,
+gave her ladyship a hint to indulge them
+with her absence.</p>
+
+<p>When they were alone, the Earl of Smatterton
+thus addressed his hopeful son: &#8220;Spoonbill, I
+fear that something is preying upon your mind.
+May I be permitted to know what it is that disturbs
+you?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill did not make any reply to this
+consolatory interrogation: for he felt very well
+satisfied that the communication of the cause
+of his concern would not be very likely to remove
+it. He therefore thought it best to con<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[190]</a></span>trive,
+if it could be so managed, to let the truth
+come out gradually, and to bring his father to
+guess, than to tell abruptly, the cause of his
+oppression.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You are silent,&#8221; said the Earl of Smatterton.
+Lord Spoonbill knew that without requiring
+to be told of it. The Earl then continued:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why should you conceal from me anything
+that concerns and interests you? I am only desirous
+of promoting your welfare; and, if in any
+matter I can serve you, command me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It is quite contrary to our notions of propriety
+that sons should command their parents; it was
+also contrary to Lord Smatterton&#8217;s ideas of his
+own dignity that any one should dictate to him;
+but in the present instance he adopted the courtier&#8217;s
+language. As his son did not seem disposed
+to command him, the father felt very much
+inclined to command his son, and to insist with
+mighty dignity on knowing the cause of this
+strange behaviour. But Lord Spoonbill was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[191]</a></span>
+rather too old to be treated like a boy. His
+lordship would not be snubbed; but he could
+not always escape a lecturing.</p>
+
+<p>There is this difference between the rational
+and irrational part of the creation; that, among
+the irrational animals, the parents are in haste to
+give their offspring a hint of their independence;
+but among rational beings, the young ones are
+more in haste to throw off their dependence than
+parents to renounce their authority or withdraw
+their protection. One reason perhaps for this
+arrangement is, that rational youngsters are not
+quite so well able to guide and to take care of
+themselves as irrational animals are.</p>
+
+<p>The feeling of which we are here speaking
+operated very powerfully in the minds of Lord
+Smatterton and his son. The father was especially
+fond of authority, and the son as fond of
+independence: but the father held the purse,
+and there lay the great secret of his power.
+Lord Spoonbill knew that he could not marry<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[192]</a></span>
+Miss Primrose without the consent of more parties
+than himself and the young lady; he knew
+that the means of an establishment must be contributed
+by his own right honorable father; and
+therefore his consideration was, how to obtain
+that consent, and how to reconcile his father&#8217;s
+well-known horror of plebeianism with his own
+marriage, with the daughter of a man who had
+originally sprung from the City. To have made
+the proposal flatly and plainly, would have put
+the Earl into a most tremendous passion. It
+was therefore necessary to have recourse to management.</p>
+
+<p>Finding that the Earl was slow in uttering
+conjectures, Lord Spoonbill was compelled to
+give broader hints; and for that purpose he rose
+from his seat and walked to the fire-place, and
+put his elbow on the chimney-piece, and his
+hand upon his forehead, and sighed&mdash;oh, how
+he did sigh! He would have been a fine subject
+for Chantrey; but neither Chantrey nor any one<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[193]</a></span>
+else could have immortalized that magnificent
+sigh.</p>
+
+<p>At this movement the Earl started, and exclaimed:
+&#8220;Are you in love, Spoonbill?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Suppose I am, sir;&#8221; replied the son of the
+patrician, &#8220;and what then?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What then!&#8221; echoed Lord Smatterton; &#8220;that
+very much depends on the person who has
+engaged your affections. If it be a suitable
+connexion, I shall throw no impediment in your
+way.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But, perhaps, what may appear a suitable
+connexion to me may not appear in the same
+light to you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Of course you will not think of marrying a
+woman of no understanding.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly not,&#8221; replied Lord Spoonbill cheerfully
+and confidently; &#8220;I could not bear to live
+with a wife who was not a person of intellect.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Some of our readers might not have expected
+this remark from Lord Smatterton, or this reply
+from Lord Spoonbill; but let those readers look<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[194]</a></span>
+out among their acquaintance for a great blockhead,
+and let them talk to him about intellect,
+and they will not wonder that Lord Spoonbill
+had a fancy for an intellectual wife. There is,
+now a-days, a great demand for intellect, and a
+demand will always create a supply of some sort
+or other.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And I think,&#8221; continued the Earl of Smatterton,
+&#8220;that I know your opinions on that
+subject too well to suppose that you would ever
+degrade yourself so far as to marry a person of
+low birth.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill bit his lips; and said, &#8220;I
+would never marry a woman of vulgar manners,
+whatever might be her birth.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You are right,&#8221; said the Earl; &#8220;but why
+can you not tell me at once, without all this
+circumlocution, who is the lady that is destined
+to the honor of becoming Lady Spoonbill?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Here the young man hesitated and demurred,
+and endeavoured to say something that should
+amount to nothing. But the Earl was not con<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[195]</a></span>tent
+to be put off evasively, and pressed so hard,
+that at length the secret was extorted. Then
+was the Lord of Smatterton exceedingly astonished
+and grieved, and he groaned and shook
+his head most solemnly, and in a tone of great
+anguish of mind, said;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, Spoonbill! Spoonbill! That you should
+ever have come to this! And have you made the
+young woman an offer of your hand?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have,&#8221; replied the son, who thought that
+the readiest way of bringing the matter to a
+conclusion would be to avow it at once.</p>
+
+<p>But, when the Earl farther enquired whether
+the offer had been accepted or not, the young
+lord was under the necessity of acknowledging
+that it had not been exactly accepted, but that
+he had no doubt it would be. This was a curious
+piece of refinement in the art of lying. Lord
+Spoonbill was too scrupulous to commit himself
+by a downright palpable falsehood, which might
+be detected, but instead of that he had recourse
+to one of those lies, which are not so easy of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[196]</a></span>
+detection, but which answer quite as well the
+purpose of deceit. It was quite as much a lie to
+say that he had no doubt that his offer would be
+accepted, as it would have been to say that it
+had already been accepted. But the one lie
+might have been detected, the other could not.
+He had doubts of his acceptance, and serious
+doubts too; but he thought that if the young
+lady and her father found that the match was
+countenanced by the Earl, and, if proposals
+could be fairly and fully made before Mr Darnley
+should have an opportunity of holding any intercourse
+with Miss Primrose or her father, there
+was a possibility of success.</p>
+
+<p>This information was indeed melancholy news
+to Lord Smatterton, who had enjoyed and pleased
+himself with the thought that he had to boast
+of true patrician blood, and who looked forward
+to see his only son uphold the dignity of his
+house. There is a pleasure in greatness which
+none but great ones know. It had been the
+pride of the Earl of Smatterton to look down<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[197]</a></span>
+with contempt on such noble families as had
+degraded themselves by admixture with plebeian
+blood. Now all his sneers and sarcasms, he
+thought, would be turned against himself, and it
+pained him to think that it might be said of him,
+&#8220;that is Lord Smatterton, whose son married a
+woman from the City.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>His lordship knew that his son was obstinate
+and headstrong, and he saw that there was no
+mode of preventing the catastrophe, if the young
+man had set his mind upon it. But notwithstanding
+he knew that opposition must be fruitless,
+he could not help speaking in his own
+peculiarly emphatic manner against the proposed
+match.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Spoonbill,&#8221; said the Earl, &#8220;marry Miss
+Primrose if you please; but remember&#8221;&mdash;here
+his lordship made a most magnificent pause&mdash;&#8220;remember
+that your establishment must be
+from the fortune of your destined bride. From
+me you have nothing.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Had circumstances been otherwise than they<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[198]</a></span>
+were, and not requiring such despatch, Lord
+Spoonbill would not have heeded this speech.
+He would have known that ultimately he should
+succeed with his magnificent father; but his
+object was to come to a speedy decision; he
+wished to be able at once to make a decided
+proposal. At this remark of his father Lord
+Spoonbill was angry and sulky, and he pettishly
+replied; &#8220;I think I have a right to marry as I
+please.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And I also have a right to use my property
+as I please; and I will never consent to appropriate
+any part of it to the purpose of introducing
+a woman of low birth into my family.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It may be very well supposed by our readers,
+that the discussion on this interesting topic between
+Lord Smatterton and his son did not end
+here; and we shall not be blamed for omitting
+the remainder of the angry discussion between
+father and son on this very interesting and
+delicate topic. It may be very easily imagined
+that the son went on grumbling, and that the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[199]</a></span>
+father went on prosing, for a considerable length
+of time, and that they did not arrive at any
+satisfactory conclusion.</p>
+
+<p>It may be also very easily imagined that when
+the melancholy intelligence was communicated
+to Lady Smatterton, her ladyship must have
+suffered very acutely when she found that her
+beloved and only child had so far forgotten the
+pure and high principles in which he had been
+nourished, as to think of bringing misery and
+disgrace into a noble family, by letting down the
+Spoonbills to an alliance with the Primroses.</p>
+
+<p>It is a pity that in these days of invention
+and ingenuity no contrivance can be hit upon
+for preventing such miserable and heart-breaking
+casualties, as patrician youths falling in love
+with plebeian damsels. The &#8220;order&#8221; of hereditary
+legislators has been in many instances most
+cruelly and mercilessly invaded by impertinent,
+instrusive plebeians. Sometimes love and sometimes
+necessity have compelled an union between
+the high and low; and yet, notwith<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[200]</a></span>standing
+these painful and melancholy admixtures,
+patricianism has kept up a very pretty
+spirit of distinctness, and does yet contain some
+choice specimens of the finer sorts of humanity.
+How much more magnificent and sublime patricianism
+might have been but for these admixtures,
+it is impossible to say.</p>
+
+<p>It is enough however for our present purpose
+to observe that, with all the power which Lord
+Spoonbill, as an only one and a spoiled child,
+possessed over his parents, he was not able, even
+with the additional force of his sulkiness and
+ill-humour, to bring them to assent to the ill-assorted
+union which he contemplated. The
+Earl and Countess of Smatterton could not give
+their consent to such a humiliating and degrading
+connexion. They did not indeed know who
+or what Mr Primrose was, but they did know
+who and what he was not. They knew that he
+was not of their set; that he was not a man of
+family or title, and that whatever property he
+might possess, he had acquired it by his own<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[201]</a></span>
+diligence or wit. Now that was an abomination,
+an indelible disgrace, a reproach not easily to
+be wiped away. They took it for granted,
+indeed, that Mr Primrose had some property;
+but if they had known that even the little property
+which he had was placed in jeopardy,
+their indignation would have been greater still
+at the folly of their own and only precious pet
+essaying to unite himself with a young woman
+who had nothing to recommend her but the
+possession of almost every virtue that can adorn
+the female character, united with a strong and
+masculine understanding, and embellished with
+gracefulness of manners, gentleness of deportment,
+and a moral dignity, which was high
+enough to look down with indifference on the
+accidental distinctions of society.</p>
+
+<p>All that Lord Spoonbill could gain from his
+inexorable and right honorable parents, was a
+promise that they would think about it.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[202]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">It</span> is a sad thing to be the most unfortunate
+creature in the world; and the only consolation
+under such calamity, is the thought that it is
+by no means uncommon. Almost every body is
+in this condition at some period or other of his
+life. This calamity befel Lord Spoonbill at the
+juncture of which we are now writing. It happened
+under the following circumstances.</p>
+
+<p>We have related that Mr Primrose, after hearing
+of the stoppage of his banker, went into the
+City to his agent at a preposterously late hour
+of the day, and that in so doing he lost his
+labour. We have also related that, during the
+absence of Mr Primrose from his hotel, the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[203]</a></span>
+Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill called and made
+overtures to Miss Primrose. We have also related
+that Lord Spoonbill, finding that it was
+absolutely impossible to live without Penelope,
+and finding also that, without an establishment, it
+would be as impossible to live with her, had made
+known to his respected parents his intention to
+lead that same young lady to the altar, or, in
+plain English, to marry her. Leading a lady
+to the altar is merely a newspaper phrase, and
+sounds heathenish; we ought rather to say,
+leading her to the communion table. But, not
+to use superfluous words, let us proceed.</p>
+
+<p>We have narrated that the right honorable
+parents of Lord Spoonbill were indignant at the
+proposal of their son, and we have also stated
+that despatch was to the young gentleman an
+object of the greatest importance. The reason
+why he was in so much haste has also been
+stated.</p>
+
+<p>Now it so happened, that on the very day on
+which the letter of Robert Darnley was inter<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[204]</a></span>cepted
+at the house of Lord Smatterton, and by
+the meanness of Lord Spoonbill, Mr Primrose
+went again into the City and called on his agent,
+and made enquiries concerning the probabilities
+or chances of his bankers paying a good dividend.
+In these enquiries he found himself most
+agreeably surprised, by ascertaining two very
+important points: one was, that only part, and
+that no very great part of his property had been
+paid into the hands of the said banker; and another
+was, that what had been already paid there
+would, in all probability, be soon forthcoming
+again, very little, if at all, diminished by the untoward
+circumstances that compelled a stoppage.</p>
+
+<p>While therefore Lord Spoonbill was sulking
+and pouting to his papa and mama about Penelope
+Primrose, that young lady was enjoying the
+agreeable and pleasant intelligence which her
+father had brought from the City. The brief
+discussion which passed between the father and
+daughter concerning the propriety of writing to
+Robert Darnley, we have already narrated. This<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[205]</a></span>
+took place on the morning of the day on which
+Mr Primrose, going into the City, found his affairs
+in so much better order than he had anticipated.</p>
+
+<p>On the evening of that day the subject was
+renewed, though but faintly and indirectly. But
+in the course of conversation Mr Primrose
+alluded to the offer which Mr Pringle, the new
+rector of Smatterton, had made of accommodating
+Mr Primrose with the parsonage-house, provided
+he should choose to take up his residence at Smatterton.
+Now Penelope loved Smatterton for
+many reasons. There had she first learned to
+know and feel what was real kindness of heart.
+With that village were blended all her early
+associations and recollections. She loved the
+village church, and there was to her ear music
+in its abrupt little ring of six small bells. The
+very air of the village was wholesome to her,
+morally as well as physically. The great booby
+boys and the freckled girls of the village were
+her intimates; not her companions indeed, but
+she could sympathize with them, although they<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[206]</a></span>
+could not always sympathize with her. She also
+knew the cows and the dogs and the horses.
+She knew the names of a great many of them;
+and very often, during her short sojourn in the
+great city, she had called to mind with a starting
+tear the recollection of the monotonous, drawling,
+daily tone, with which the farmers&#8217; men
+talked to these animals.</p>
+
+<p>When therefore her father proposed taking up
+his abode at Smatterton, and hiring for that purpose
+the parsonage-house, she altogether forgot
+its vicinity to Neverden and its association with
+the name of Darnley, and she was delighted with
+the prospect of going back again to those scenes
+with which her mind connected images of pleasure
+and recollections of peace.</p>
+
+<p>It was with ready and delightful acquiescence
+that Penelope assented to the proposal; and as
+Mr Primrose saw that his child was pleased with
+the thought of going to reside at Smatterton,
+he hastened to put his intentions into execution;
+and at the very time that Lord Spoonbill was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[207]</a></span>
+grumbling about his right to marry whomsoever
+he pleased, Mr Primrose was making arrangements
+to leave London.</p>
+
+<p>The father of Penelope was not slow in his
+movements, and he was not in the habit of giving
+his purposes time to cool. He wrote by that
+evening&#8217;s post to Smatterton, and at an early
+hour on the following morning he and his
+daughter commenced their journey.  So that
+when Lord Spoonbill, who heeded not his father&#8217;s
+long lecture on the subject of dignity,
+called again at Mr Primrose&#8217;s hotel, and heard
+that the gentleman and his daughter were gone,
+and that they were gone to Smatterton, then his
+lordship was grieved beyond measure, and his
+perplexity was serious, and his fears rose within
+him: for he took it for granted that there must
+soon be an interview and an explanation, and
+then he distrusted Nick Muggins, and there rose
+up before his mind&#8217;s eye the phantom of that
+ungainly cub and his clumsy pony: that image
+which, in the recollection of most who had seen<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[208]</a></span>
+it, would excite a smile at its uncouthness, was
+to the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill productive
+of very painful emotions and disagreeable
+apprehensions. So his lordship thought himself
+the most unfortunate creature in the world.</p>
+
+<p>Then again there was in his lordship&#8217;s possession
+the letter from Robert Darnley to Mr Primrose,
+and his lordship hardly knew what to do
+with that. He thought that the secret of his
+having already detained it for a whole day must
+inevitably transpire. Whether he should send
+it or detain it would be equally ruinous to his
+schemes. He looked very thoughtfully at the
+letter, and at length resolved to send it with an
+explanation to Mr Primrose at Smatterton. He
+thought that, if there should be on the letter
+any symptoms of curious or prying fingers, it
+might be attributed to any one rather than to
+his lordship; and he thought that, at the worst,
+no one would explicitly charge him with an
+attempt to penetrate into its secresy. The letter
+was therefore despatched with an apology for its<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[209]</a></span>
+detention as much like a lie as anything that a
+lord could write.</p>
+
+<p>There was nothing now left for Lord Spoonbill
+to do but to sigh over his calamitous loss
+as deeply as he could, and to explain to his
+father, as ingeniously as might be, the singular
+event of the sudden departure of Mr Primrose
+and his daughter from London, at the very moment
+when a right honorable suitor for the young
+lady&#8217;s hand had started up in the person of Lord
+Spoonbill. The son said it was very strange, and
+the father also thought it was very strange, and
+he recommended his son not to have any farther
+correspondence with persons who could behave
+thus disrespectfully. But the young gentleman
+was too much enamoured to listen to such advice,
+and he exercised most heartily all his little
+wits to devise means of carrying on his suit to
+Penelope.</p>
+
+<p>For the present we must leave his loving lordship
+in London, enjoying all the luxuries and
+splendors which gas, fog, smoke, foolery, wax<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[210]</a></span>
+candles, painted faces, late hours, French cookery,
+Italian music, prosy dancing, Whig politics,
+and patrician scandal, could afford him. It is
+far more to our taste to follow Mr Primrose and
+his daughter into the country than to remain
+with Lord Spoonbill in London. If any of our
+readers wish to know what Lord Spoonbill did
+with himself in London, they may form a tolerably
+correct idea from ascertaining how the rest
+of that tribe occupy their time. He was a very
+fashionable man, he knew all the common-places
+perfectly, and with his own set he was quite at
+home. There let us leave him.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose and Penelope travelled to Smatterton
+in perfect safety; and the father congratulated
+himself and his daughter upon their safe
+arrival, observing that had they ventured to use
+the stage-coach instead of post-chaises, they
+would certainly have had their necks broken
+at the bottom of some steep hill.</p>
+
+<p>Their reception at Smatterton parsonage was
+most cordial and highly courteous. Nothing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[211]</a></span>
+could exceed the happiness of the young rector
+in receiving under his roof so respected a friend
+as Mr Primrose. Preparations had been made
+according to the best of the young clergyman&#8217;s
+ability; and, as Mr Primrose&#8217;s letter mentioned
+the day and the hour of his arrival, Mr Pringle
+thought that he could not do otherwise than
+make a party to meet the gentleman at dinner.</p>
+
+<p>Since the departure of Mrs Greendale from
+Smatterton, the establishment of Mr Pringle had
+continued the same, but his domestics had not
+had a very bustling life; and they ventured to
+contradict the popular theory which represents
+man as a creature of habit. For during the
+reign of Mrs Greendale they had been accustomed
+to fly about the house with unceasing
+bustle and activity, but since her departure they
+had become almost as lazy as their master. The
+domestics were two female servants, one about
+sixty and the other about forty. They were
+clumsy and uncouth, but their clumsiness was
+hardly visible in the time of Mrs Greendale; for<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[212]</a></span>
+under her administration they had been habituated
+to move about with most marvellous celerity,
+and now that the old lady was departed
+they seemed glad to take breath, and they took
+it very leisurely. It was a great mercy that they
+were not absolutely broken-winded.</p>
+
+<p>There was also remaining in the establishment
+a man servant, an amphibious animal as it were,
+not because he lived partly on land and partly
+in water, but as living partly in the house and
+partly out of it. He was a mighty pluralist, and
+filled, or rather occupied, many places; and from
+the universality of his genius he might, had he
+been in higher station, have aspired to be prime
+minister, commander-in-chief, lord chancellor,
+and archbishop of Canterbury. As it was, his
+occupations were quite as multitudinous and
+heterogeneous. His great skill was in gardening,
+and finding that he was successful in cultivating
+cabbages, he ventured also to undertake the
+cavalry department in the late Dr Greendale&#8217;s
+service. His duties here were not many or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[213]</a></span>
+oppressive, seeing that the late doctor kept but
+one horse, and that was very quiet and gentle.
+This universal genius acted also as butler and
+footman. In this last capacity he did not shine.
+He did not want for head, he had enough of
+that, and more than enough. As for figure, it is
+difficult to say what that was, it was so exceedingly
+indefinite. It was considerate of the late
+Dr Greendale that he did not task the poor man
+very hardly as to his department of footman.
+But the new rector loved state, and it was his
+pride to keep a livery servant, and he would also
+insist upon the attendance of this man at table.
+And though the footman was not himself a great
+adept in waiting at table, he soon brought his
+master to wait.</p>
+
+<p>With this ungainly establishment, the Reverend
+Charles Pringle took it into his head to give a
+dinner to as many as he could collect, in order
+to pay a compliment to Mr Primrose, and to pay
+court to Miss Primrose. Unfortunately for Mr
+Pringle it did not answer.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[214]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It would be wearying to our readers to have
+the particulars and the failures of a clumsy
+mockery of an elegant dinner set forth at full
+length. Let it be supposed that there was expense,
+inelegance, constraint, anxiety, mortification.
+As we are not writing for cooks, we pass
+over the minutenesses of a spoiled dinner; the
+greatest evil of which was, that the party was in
+some degree silent during the progress of dinner,
+for they had not much opportunity of talking
+gastronomically.</p>
+
+<p>The English people can talk, but they must
+have something to begin with. If they meet out
+of doors, they must begin talking about the
+weather, and within doors, especially at dinner
+time, they must begin talking about eatables
+and drinkables. From such beginnings they can
+go on to any subject; but they must of necessity
+have a common-place beginning.</p>
+
+<p>After the cloth was removed, and the spoiled
+or ill-arranged dishes were forgotten, the party
+felt themselves more at liberty. We have not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[215]</a></span>
+yet named the persons who composed the party;
+and when we say that Mr Kipperson, Mr Zephaniah
+Pringle, and five or six of lesser note were
+present, our readers may well suppose that there
+was no lack of inclination to discourse, especially
+on the part of those two gentlemen whom we
+have named.</p>
+
+<p>Now it has been stated, that Zephaniah the
+critic had carried down to Smatterton an awkward
+rumour concerning Penelope Primrose.
+The source from whence the said critic had gathered
+the information has been also stated. But
+as soon as the intelligence of Mr Primrose&#8217;s
+intention to reside with his daughter at Smatterton
+reached the new rector, and was by him
+communicated to his brother and to Mr Kipperson,
+a virtual contradiction was given to the ill report;
+and then all three of the gentlemen found out
+that they had never believed it.</p>
+
+<p>To render themselves as agreeable as possible
+to Mr Primrose, the three whom we have named
+talked great abundance of nonsense and magni<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[216]</a></span>ficence.
+Their first concern immediately after
+dinner was to consult on the best means of saving
+the nation. Mr Kipperson was well satisfied
+that nothing would or could do the nation the
+slightest service, so long as the agricultural
+interest was neglected. There were two serious
+evils which were growing worse and worse, the
+increase of the population, and the importation
+of foreign grain. The ingenious agriculturist
+proved that the farmer was eaten up by the
+increasing population, and that the quantity of
+grain in the country was so large that it could
+not find consumers.</p>
+
+<p>Zephaniah Pringle agreed with Mr Kipperson
+in the grand principle that there were too many
+consumers for the corn, and too much corn for
+the consumers. There was the great evil, he
+thought, in these two troubles existing at once;
+were they in existence separately they might
+soon be got rid of. The consumers might consume
+an extra quantity, and soon settle matters
+in that way, or the want of corn might thin the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[217]</a></span>
+consumers, and soon settle matters that way.
+But, while the two evils operated together, they
+were dreadful calamities.</p>
+
+<p>Those of our readers who are not agriculturists,
+or political economists, cannot understand
+this reasoning, or, more properly speaking, they
+will not; they are blinded by their own interested
+feelings; they have prejudices which agriculturists
+have not.</p>
+
+<p>But though Zephaniah Pringle agreed with
+Mr Kipperson, that the people were starving because
+there was too much corn, and that the
+corn could not find consumers because there
+were so many people to eat it, yet he thought
+that there were more serious evils in the country
+yet. He thought that those obscure seditious
+newspapers and vile trumpery publications, which
+nobody reads and which everybody despises,
+which are published by a set of needy miscreants,
+who spare no expense in circulating
+them all over the kingdom, had corrupted the
+minds of all the people in this once happy land.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[218]</a></span>
+He thought that the nation was in a most prosperous
+condition, and that nothing was wanting
+to render it more prosperous, than an additional
+number of bishops, and an increase in the numbers
+of the yeomanry cavalry.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose listened with polite and pleased
+attention to these dextrous and acute politicians,
+and he thought that his Majesty need
+never be at a loss for a prime minister, or for
+two, if he wanted them, while Zephaniah Pringle
+and Mr Kipperson should live. But, as Mr
+Primrose was neither an agriculturist, nor a political
+economist, he felt himself a little puzzled
+to reconcile the apparent contradiction which
+was contained in Mr Kipperson&#8217;s statement of
+the agricultural grievances. Mr Kipperson was
+very properly angry with Mr Primrose for expressing
+a doubt on the subject; and the
+scientific agriculturist immediately and satisfactorily
+explained that all the superfluous population
+was pennyless, and could not pay for the
+corn which they would like to consume. Where<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[219]</a></span>upon
+Mr Primrose understood that in the good
+old times people were born with money in their
+pockets.</p>
+
+<p>Zephaniah Pringle almost feared that Mr
+Primrose was a radical, at least he thought he
+was in the high road to become so, unless he
+should resist that foolish propensity of wishing
+to understand what he talked about.</p>
+
+<p>There might have been at the table of Mr
+Pringle, rector of Smatterton, some diversity of
+political opinion, as there certainly was, seeing
+that Mr Kipperson was a Whig, and Zephaniah
+Pringle a Tory; but the corn question most cordially
+united them. How far these gentlemen
+differed in some other points, we have seen
+already in the matter of mechanics&#8217; institutes.
+On this subject Mr Kipperson&#8217;s hopes were
+rather too sanguine; and perhaps Zephaniah the
+critic was too nervously susceptible, on the
+other hand, of apprehensions of danger to the
+Protestant succession; for, to his mind, the mechanics&#8217;
+institutes had no other ultimate object<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[220]</a></span>
+in view than transubstantiation and republicanism.</p>
+
+<p>Concerning gymnastics, the gentlemen also
+differed. Zephaniah condemned them in toto,
+and so did the rector of Smatterton, in spite of
+his whiggism. Mr Kipperson spoke very learnedly
+about muscles and tension, and proved
+that bodily exercise was essential to intellectual
+vigour; but he had the candour to acknowledge
+that he could never persuade his men to take
+gymnastic exercises when their day&#8217;s work was
+over; and he attributed their ignorance of science
+to their neglect of gymnastics.</p>
+
+<p>The whole of the conversation, to which we
+have above alluded, did not take place in the
+hearing of Miss Primrose, nor indeed did one
+tenth part of it; for the fatigue of the journey,
+together with the agitation of her spirits, led her
+to make an early retreat from the dining-room.
+And the old female servant, who had known
+Penelope from childhood, was delighted in the
+opportunity of again attending upon her. Fluent<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[221]</a></span>
+was the old gentlewoman&#8217;s speech, and mightily
+communicative was she touching the various
+changes which had taken place in Smatterton
+and Neverden since the decease of the good
+Dr Greendale. The kind-hearted woman also
+expressed herself delighted at the return of Miss
+Primrose to Smatterton, inasmuch as there was
+one person who would be so happy to see her
+again, and that person was Mr Robert Darnley.
+Penelope begged that his name might never be
+mentioned again in her hearing, and thereupon
+the poor old domestic began to fear that there
+was some truth in the stories that had been
+talked about in the village concerning Miss
+Primrose and Lord Spoonbill. And when the
+old servant found that she could not talk to her
+late young mistress concerning love-matters, she
+hastily finished her discourse and left the young
+lady to retire quietly to rest.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[222]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">The</span> news of Mr Primrose&#8217;s arrival at Smatterton
+soon reached the rectory at Neverden. Had
+it not found its way there sooner, Mr Zephaniah
+Pringle would have been the first to communicate
+the intelligence on the following morning.
+The arrival having been announced, was of course
+expected. And there was much anxiety felt on
+the subject by all the parties concerned: of
+course more especially by Robert Darnley. For
+in consequence of his letter having been unanswered,
+he had fully determined, in spite of
+all domestic opposition and paternal expostulation,
+to make a journey to London for the purpose
+of explanation.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[223]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The elder Mr Darnley was mightily displeased
+to hear of the purpose which Mr Primrose had
+in view in coming to Smatterton. To the fastidious
+mind of the rector of Neverden it appeared
+very indelicate for Miss Primrose, after
+what had taken place, to throw herself in the
+way of Mr Robert Darnley: for in no other light
+could the rector of Neverden regard the meditated
+settlement of Mr Primrose at Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>It is a great pity that such a man as Mr
+Darnley, who had for the most part a good understanding
+and good feelings, should be so
+obstinate in his prejudices and so immoveable
+in his fancies. He had, for some reason or
+other, taken it into his head that Miss Primrose
+was proud and fantastical and unfeeling; and
+nothing could bring him to think favourably of
+her. He saw everything that she did or said
+through the deceptive medium of his erroneous
+apprehension of her character. It was a vain
+attempt to turn him from his humour. He
+had thoroughly believed at the first the calum<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[224]</a></span>nious
+report brought from London by Zephaniah
+Pringle. He had also believed that it was
+Penelope&#8217;s own wish, purpose, and desire, to
+adopt the musical profession; and though he
+had felt satisfied that the cessation of the correspondence
+between his son and the young lady
+had sprung altogether from the caprice of the
+latter, yet he considered that this meditated
+residence in Smatterton was, on the part of
+Penelope, with a desire of meeting again with
+Robert Darnley.</p>
+
+<p>We have already acknowledged, nor do we
+wish to retract the acknowledgment, that the
+rector of Neverden was a very conscientious,
+attentive, and upright parish priest; we will
+give him credit for great zeal and activity in
+the discharge of his pastoral duties; but, notwithstanding
+all this, he was grievously deficient
+in one part of the Christian character, seeing
+that he had very little of that &#8220;charity which
+thinketh no evil.&#8221; We have seen other good
+people, besides the rector of Neverden, who,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[225]</a></span>
+fancying themselves models of all that is right,
+and patterns for the rest of the world, have exercised
+a perverse ingenuity in discovering, and
+an unholy pleasure in displaying and condemning,
+their neighbours&#8217; faults, real or imaginary.
+These people imagine that they cannot show a
+dislike of what is wrong without exhibiting a
+degree of malignity against such as transgress.
+Now the late Dr Greendale, though a man of
+great purity and integrity, had no such feeling
+as this. He was as candid as he was pure, and
+his gentleness was equal to his integrity. And
+the people of his parish liked him very much for
+his goodness and gentleness, and so his character
+had a very powerful influence upon them.
+But Mr Darnley was a different kind of man.</p>
+
+<p>When Zephaniah Pringle therefore made his
+appearance at Neverden, and repeated the information
+which had already been conveyed to the
+rectory, as touching the arrival of Mr and Miss
+Primrose at Smatterton, the Rev. Mr Darnley<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[226]</a></span>
+expressed himself astonished at the indecorum
+and want of feeling which Miss Primrose
+manifested.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Mr Pringle, I am quite surprized at this
+intelligence. Your relative at Smatterton has
+certainly a right to let the parsonage-house if
+he pleases; but I must say that I could wish,
+for the sake of public morals, that it had a more
+respectable tenant.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Now as Penelope had appeared most truly
+respectable, and not a little fascinating in the
+eyes of Zephaniah the critic, and as he was not
+quite certain that the rumour which he had been
+the means of circulating was quite founded on
+fact, and as his doubts were stronger after he
+had seen Penelope and her father, he wished to
+unsay or to soften down what he had said. He
+therefore replied to the above exclamation:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[227]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;Why really, sir, I must say that I think Miss
+Primrose a respectable young lady, and it is
+probable that the report which I heard in town
+may not be perfectly correct. And indeed, as
+the lady is about to reside with her father, it is
+certainly not true to its full extent.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Mr Darnley was not much in the habit of
+changing his opinion on matters of fact any
+more than on matters of speculation; and having
+once felt himself persuaded that Miss Primrose
+had acted improperly, it was no easy matter
+for Mr Pringle to bring him to change the view
+which he had entertained of the young lady&#8217;s
+character. Reasoning may be a very fine thing,
+and logic may be a very fine thing, and facts may
+be very stubborn things; but neither reasoning
+nor logic can make a man change his opinion, if
+he does not like to do so; and there are no facts
+in the world so stubborn as a conceited man&#8217;s
+own stubborn will. Mr Darnley took it for
+granted that whatever he took for granted must
+be most incontestably true; and Mr Darnley had
+taken it for granted that Miss Primrose had
+not demeaned herself aright, and nothing could
+convince him to the contrary. He adhered to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[228]</a></span>
+the general thought, though beaten out of all
+its particulars. We would not recommend
+any one who has exalted notions of the power
+of reasoning and the force of evidence, to endeavour
+to convince another of any fact or speculation,
+till that other has shewn symptoms
+of an inclination to believe such fact or to
+adopt such theory.</p>
+
+<p>It was all in vain that Zephaniah Pringle contended
+that Miss Primrose could not possibly
+be living dishonorably with Lord Spoonbill in
+London, while she was living quietly and reputably
+with her father at Smatterton. Mr
+Darnley had made up his mind, and nothing
+could shake his conclusions. Of some heads it
+is observed, that you can get nothing into them;
+of others it may with as much truth be said,
+that you can get nothing out of them. In this
+latter predicament was placed the head of the
+rector of Neverden.</p>
+
+<p>When therefore Zephaniah found that no impression
+was to be made on Mr Darnley, he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[229]</a></span>
+gave up the discussion, not a little regretting
+that he himself had, for the sake of gratifying a
+little vanity in talking about his own intimacy
+with Lord Spoonbill, done an injury which he
+could not undo. He began also to fear lest he
+should be detected and exposed; and under that
+apprehension he found himself uneasy at Smatterton,
+and wished that his visit was finished.
+This served him perfectly right. He had made
+public talk of what had been told to him in
+confidence, and as a secret, and he had circulated
+a calumnious report, careless whether it were
+true or false, and heedless what injury it might
+inflict upon innocence, or what misery it might
+occasion to those concerned.</p>
+
+<p>Yet this prodigiously conceited puppy could
+and did in his critical lucubrations write himself
+down as being most zealously devoted to the
+service of religion, and he would make a mighty
+noise about those most execrable and abominable
+caitiffs, who presume to question one iota of the
+faith according to Queen Elizabeth.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[230]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It is hard, very hard, that religion should have
+to bear the reproach of the whims, vagaries,
+bigotry, and fanaticism of many, who are sincere
+in their profession and honest in their intemperate
+zeal; but it is doubly hard that a set of
+coxcomical greenhorns, who scarcely know the
+difference between the Bible and the Koran, who
+cannot tell why they believe, and who do not
+care what they believe, who never enter a church,
+and who never doubt because they never think,
+it is doubly hard that all their impertinent arrogance
+should be laid to the charge of a religion
+which has never influenced one action of their
+lives, or one thought of their hearts.</p>
+
+<p>Finding that Mr Darnley the elder would not
+listen to or be influenced by any recantation of
+his calumny, the critic next sought for the young
+gentleman to whom he made known the fact of
+the arrival of Mr Primrose at Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>During the visit, which the loyal and religious
+Zephaniah Pringle paid at Smatterton, there had
+been comparatively little intercourse between him<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[231]</a></span>
+and Robert Darnley. This was owing to two
+causes: in the first place, Robert Darnley was
+in low spirits, and had not much intercourse with
+any one; and, in the second place, he had a
+contempt for puppyism, and Zephaniah had wit
+<ins title="original: enoug">enough</ins> to see that he had.</p>
+
+<p>In the present instance it was an object with
+Mr Pringle to correct any erroneous notion which
+he might have conveyed to the mind of Mr
+Robert Darnley; he therefore began the conversation.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I think I must have been in an error when
+I informed you, as you may remember, that Miss
+Primrose was living with Lord Spoonbill.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Very likely you were, sir,&#8221; replied Mr Robert
+Darnley, somewhat abruptly; &#8220;but did you not
+insinuate to me that you had the information
+from Lord Spoonbill himself?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This question was perplexing to the critic.
+He had insinuated as much, but he had not
+absolutely said so. Therefore he could not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[232]</a></span>
+promptly reply in the negative, but was forced
+to make use of a little circumlocution, saying:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why not exactly so; I did not say that Lord
+Spoonbill himself told me in so many words:
+I merely&mdash;I said&mdash;-that is&mdash;a very intimate friend
+of Spoonbill said, that he thought&mdash;that is, he
+understood that&mdash;I believe he said that he had
+reason to suspect that some arrangement was
+likely to be made&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Thereupon the explanation tapered off into an
+indistinct muttering that was sufficient, if for
+no other purpose, at least to show that Mr
+Zephaniah Pringle was a sneaking, shuffling,
+contemptible fellow. Robert Darnley was not
+in the habit of flying into a violent passion when
+he felt contempt for any meanness of character
+or conduct; if such had been his temperament,
+the present was an occasion, all circumstances
+being considered, strong enough to tempt him to
+knock a fool&#8217;s head and the wall together. He
+contented himself with coolly saying:</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[233]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is a great pity, sir, that you should have
+circulated a report of that nature before you
+were quite certain that it was true.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am very sorry indeed,&#8221; replied Zephaniah,
+&#8220;that I was led into such an error.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, well,&#8221; said Robert Darnley, &#8220;I dare
+say it will not be productive of any very serious
+consequence. Nobody who was at all acquainted
+with Miss Primrose could possibly believe the
+report.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Zephaniah Pringle thought it but poor consolation
+to be told that he was not likely to
+be believed. He felt himself indeed so thoroughly
+humbled, that he was heartily glad to
+bring his conference with Robert Darnley to
+a close. The critic very soon said, &#8220;Good morning,&#8221;
+and Robert Darnley returned his &#8220;Good
+morning&#8221; in such a tone, and with such an air,
+as to make Zephaniah experience the sensation
+of being looked down upon.</p>
+
+<p>It was a great refreshment and relief to the
+mind of the younger Darnley, to hear that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[234]</a></span>
+Penelope and her father had arrived at Smatterton.
+He had never believed the calumnious
+tale of the loyal and religious critic, but he
+certainly did entertain some apprehension that
+assiduous attentions from a person of high rank
+and large estate might produce in time an effect
+even upon the mind of Penelope. As now Mr
+Primrose had come down expressly to take up
+his residence at Smatterton, and as this was not
+a time of year for such families as that of the
+Earl of Smatterton to take up their abode in
+the country, there was some ground to hope that,
+if the young nobleman had even made endeavours
+to gain the affection of Penelope, he had
+not succeeded.</p>
+
+<p>It was the blessing of Robert Darnley&#8217;s mind
+that he had a disposition to look on the most
+favorable aspect of events, and it was not in his
+nature to yield himself up to a slight misunderstanding
+or misapprehension. Many miseries
+might be avoided if mankind possessed in general
+a little more of that kind of considerate<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[235]</a></span>ness;
+but the evil is, that they too often take
+up with any idle tale, and are led by the merest
+and slightest apprehensions into quarrels, coldnesses,
+and loss of friendships: inasmuch, that
+a quarrel is courteously called a misunderstanding,
+much to the reproach indeed of the misunderstanders;
+for it is thereby intimated that
+the parties quarrel merely for the want of taking
+the pains to understand one another, or sometimes
+perhaps to understand themselves.</p>
+
+<p>Under the circumstances which belong to this
+narration, it would have been very possible for
+two simpletons to have made themselves completely
+wretched. And as some people are very
+glad to be miserable for the sake of the pathos
+and sentimentality thereof, we will tell these
+people, though perhaps they could find it out
+without our assistance, how they might make
+themselves truly wretched under similar circumstances.</p>
+
+<p>To gain this desirable end, the gentleman and
+the lady should have despaired of meeting each<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[236]</a></span>
+other again, and should have carefully avoided
+everything that might lead to an explanation,
+and they should, while very much in love with
+each other, have made all possible haste to give
+their hands to another. They ought to have
+married, as it were, out of spite, and then after
+marriage they ought to have met by accident,
+and to have explained; and then they ought to
+have compared notes, and to have made it out
+that one had the worst husband, and the other
+the worst wife, in the world; and then they
+would have had nothing more to do than to
+have made a very pretty tragical conclusion of
+the business, either giving employment to, what
+the newspapers call, the gentlemen of the long
+robe, or, more seriously still, causing the calling
+together of a coroner&#8217;s jury.</p>
+
+<p>It was well for Robert Darnley that such was
+not his disposition. He thought it much the
+best to ascertain, if he possibly could, what were
+Penelope&#8217;s real sentiments; and for that purpose
+he had already spoken to her father, and, as no<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[237]</a></span>
+result had come from speaking, he had written;
+and if his letter had not been soon answered, or
+if Mr Primrose had not arrived at Smatterton,
+he would have visited the party in London.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[238]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">The</span> arrival of Mr Primrose and Penelope at
+Smatterton gave trouble and disturbance to many
+minds there, and at Neverden. We shall be
+fortunate if, without tediousness, we can explain this.</p>
+
+<p>Zephaniah Pringle was troubled, because he
+laboured under the apprehension that some kind
+friend or other might communicate to the father
+what had been said of the daughter. And Zephaniah
+very naturally thought that the young
+lady&#8217;s father would resent the insult very much
+to the inconvenience, bodily or mental, of the
+said loyal and religious critic.</p>
+
+<p>The elder Mr Darnley was troubled, as we<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[239]</a></span>
+have already intimated, lest this arrival should
+again unsettle the mind of his son. Mrs Darnley
+also thought it was a pity, now Robert
+had so nearly recovered his spirits, that there
+should be any probability of his being again
+disturbed. Miss Mary Darnley, who, by frequent
+literary and scientific discussions with the
+learned and scientific Mr Kipperson, had become
+a great admirer of the gentleman, was jealous
+of the presence of Miss Primrose again in the
+country. The two other young ladies, who did
+not like to hear their father preach, except in
+the pulpit, were troubled with the apprehension
+of long lectures on the impropriety of being
+improperly in love.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Kipperson also had his troubles; for though
+it would have given him great pleasure to have
+gained the heart of Miss Primrose, he thought
+he saw several formidable rivals among gentlemen
+of more suitable age. But Mr Kipperson
+had too much self-love to suffer much from love
+of any other description. Robert Darnley was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[240]</a></span>
+troubled and perplexed, though very much
+pleased. He now saw that he should have
+an opportunity of ascertaining the truth: but
+in either case there was an evil. For if Penelope
+still retained a regard for him, there was yet
+to be dreaded the opposition of his father; and
+if she did not, the change would be painful to
+him.</p>
+
+<p>But the greatest trouble was at Neverden Hall.
+There was residing under the roof of Sir George
+Aimwell a young lady, who had been consigned
+to the care of the worthy baronet. The name
+of this lady was Arabella Glossop. She had
+very recently been sent to Neverden by her
+careful father, in order that time, absence, and
+change of scene, might eradicate from her mind
+an unfortunate attachment which she had formed
+for a pennyless lieutenant.</p>
+
+<p>Here we cannot but suggest to our legislators
+an improvement, which might and ought to be
+made in our military code. It is melancholy to
+think how many instances have occurred of men<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[241]</a></span>
+of low family and no fortune winning the hearts
+of young ladies of high birth, of respectable
+connexions, and of good fortune. This might
+be prevented by a law, making it felony for a
+military officer without fortune to fall in love
+with a lady of good family.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Glossop was not indeed of high family;
+but she was the daughter of a gentleman whose
+family had with great diligence been pushing
+itself up into consideration and importance.
+The mortification of anything like a humiliating
+connexion was so much the greater. Mr Glossop,
+the young lady&#8217;s father, was an eminent
+solicitor in a small but genteel town, and had
+married a distant relation of Sir George Aimwell.
+Of this connexion Mr Glossop was naturally
+proud; and he made the most of it.</p>
+
+<p>In the town where he lived was a theatre;
+and the company which performed there was
+pronounced by such London performers as occasionally
+lent their mighty selves for provincial
+exhibition, to be one of the best provincial com<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[242]</a></span>panies
+they had ever performed with. When an
+actor from London made his appearance on the
+stage, Miss Glossop honored the theatre with her
+presence. Greatly did the young lady surprize
+the natives by her studied inattention to what
+was passing on the stage. It was to her a mighty
+amusement to laugh and talk aloud, especially
+during those passages of the performance which
+were most interesting to the rest of the audience.
+By such means did Miss Glossop manifest
+her own importance and superiority. This
+kind of public rudeness passed with the ignorant
+people in the country for elegance and
+fashion.</p>
+
+<p>The young lady was in error in this respect.
+But not only was she wrong in her calculations in
+this point. Many other blunders did she make.
+For being very pretty, she thought herself handsome;
+and being tall, she thought herself elegant;
+and being acquainted with many books, she
+thought herself learned; and having a full, clear,
+comprehensive voice, she thought herself a beau<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[243]</a></span>tiful
+singer; and being able to perform at sight
+very complicated pieces of music, she apprehended
+that she was an excellent musician; and
+being rude and blunt in her manner of speaking,
+she thought herself a person of great intellectual
+superiority; and from being very much stared at,
+she took it for granted that she was very much
+admired.</p>
+
+<p>Now this lady did not apprehend that there
+was any individual in the compass of her provincial
+acquaintance worthy to aspire to the
+honor of her hand; and she was in the habit of
+giving herself such arrogant and domineering
+airs at the country balls, that a facetiously inclined
+young gentleman once actually contrived
+in the advertisement announcing these balls, to
+have the name of Arabella Glossop, Esq., printed
+as one of the stewards. The circumstance caused
+a great deal of talk at the time; but it is now
+totally forgotten, or at least very seldom alluded
+to. The printer of the paper was forced to tell<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[244]</a></span>
+a great many lies to save himself from serious
+inconvenience.</p>
+
+<p>At one of these country balls there happened
+to be a lieutenant who was quartered in that
+neighbourhood, and was a person of exceedingly
+good address, and also of good understanding,
+except that he was so very desirous of obtaining
+a fortune, that, for the sake of money, he would
+willingly have married Miss Glossop. He had
+heard reports of the lady&#8217;s fortune, and these
+reports were of course exaggerated. He paid
+the usual attentions, and was so far successful
+that, had it not been for some untoward accident,
+Mr Glossop&#8217;s ambition of matching his daughter
+with some gentleman of fortune and consideration
+in the county, would have been frustrated
+by a poor lieutenant.</p>
+
+<p>As soon as the unfortunate attachment was
+made known to the father, he put himself with
+all suitable speed into a most towering passion;
+he banged all the doors, thumped all the tables,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[245]</a></span>
+kicked all the chairs, and, but for the interference
+of Mrs Glossop, would have broken all the
+crockery in the house, because his daughter
+would not listen to reason. The young lady
+was locked up; but the young lady grew sulky,
+and thought that her dear lieutenant was the
+most charming creature in the world, because
+her father was in a violent passion. And the
+more angry was Mr Glossop, the more deeply in
+love was Miss Glossop.</p>
+
+<p>We have said that the young lady was locked
+up. Now Arabella did not like this discipline,
+and she seriously threatened her inexorable paa,
+that if she was not suffered to have her own
+way, she would either starve herself to death, or
+go mad. This last idea was no doubt suggested
+by a pathetic passage in one of Oliver Goldsmith&#8217;s
+poems, wherein he says:</p>
+
+<p>
+&#8220;The dog to gain his private ends<br />
+Went mad.&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;<br />
+</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[246]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Whatever apprehensions Mr Glossop might
+entertain concerning his daughter&#8217;s madness, he
+certainly had some slight idea that he himself
+might be driven mad by the young lady&#8217;s perverseness
+and obstinacy. Therefore he adopted
+the very wise and prudent precaution, in such
+cases made and provided, of sending the lovely
+and loving Arabella to his worthy friend and
+relative, Sir George Aimwell, Bart.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Glossop wisely thought that absence and
+change of scene might produce a beneficial
+change in his daughter&#8217;s mind. The worthy
+baronet was pleased with the charge; for as the
+shooting season was nearly over, and as he had
+suffered very bitterly from the encroachments of
+the poachers, and as the transgressing ones had
+made their escape, he was glad of anything that
+promised him a little amusement. Arabella had
+always been a favorite with the baronet on
+account of her high spirit, and when he heard
+of the nature of the complaint which rendered<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[247]</a></span>
+change of air desirable, he very readily undertook
+the charge, thinking that a better remedy was
+within reach, and that Robert Darnley might
+very probably banish from the mind of his young
+kinswoman all thoughts of the poor lieutenant.</p>
+
+<p>Nor did the baronet judge unwisely. For, as
+soon as the lady had taken up her abode at
+Neverden Hall, her spirits revived, and her wit
+and humour were all alive again, and her love
+of admiration was as strong as ever, and she
+very soon pronounced Robert Darnley to be a
+charming young fellow. The worthy baronet
+was pleased with such good symptoms, and had
+written word to her father accordingly. To a
+match of this nature Mr Glossop had no very
+great objection. The Darnleys were of good
+family, and the young man was likely to have a
+good property. Perhaps, Mr Glossop would
+have preferred an union with the family of the
+Earl of Smatterton; but at all events the Darnleys
+were better than poor lieutenants.</p>
+
+<p>The circumstance of Arabella Glossop being<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[248]</a></span>
+placed under the care of Sir George Aimwell,
+had rendered the intercourse between the hall
+and the rectory rather more frequent than usual;
+and the baronet had of course been made acquainted
+with the fact of Robert Darnley&#8217;s former
+engagement to Miss Primrose. When,
+therefore, Penelope and her father made their
+appearance at Smatterton again, and thus gave
+a virtual contradiction to the calumnious report
+which Mr Zephaniah Pringle had circulated, Sir
+George began to be apprehensive that his
+schemes with regard to the son of the rector of
+Neverden were very likely to fail.</p>
+
+<p>We have now explained according to the best
+of our ability, and in as few words as distinctness
+would permit us to use, the varied perplexities
+occasioned by the apparently simple fact of
+Mr Primrose and his daughter taking up their
+abode at Smatterton rectory. Oh! how complicated
+are the interests of humanity, and what
+mighty changes are made in the history of the
+world and the destiny of nations by movements<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[249]</a></span>
+apparently trifling and of no moment. Common
+people do not observe these things; it is only
+such wise people, gentle reader, as you and I
+and Tacitus, that can take a philosophical and
+comprehensive view of the history of man. But
+we must economise our wisdom, or it will not
+hold out. Therefore let us proceed with our
+history.</p>
+
+<p>The letter which Robert Darnley had written
+to Mr Primrose, and which the Right Honorable
+Lord Spoonbill had fruitlessly fumbled and
+tumbled to ascertain the contents thereof, found
+its way at last into the hands for which it was
+by its writer originally destined. It was brought
+to Smatterton, as usual, by Nick Muggins.</p>
+
+<p>Nick was a poor lad and a somewhat simple
+one, though not altogether lacking craftiness.
+He was not so rich as an archdeacon, but he had
+not quite determined that he was too poor to
+keep a conscience; therefore he had not entirely
+given it up for a bad job. He kept a pony&mdash;he
+was almost forced to do so&mdash;but he kept his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[250]</a></span>
+pony very scantily and worked it hardly, and
+the beast was at best but a queer kind of animal.
+It would have been a riddle to Buffon, and a
+treasure to Sir Joseph Banks. Nick&#8217;s conscience
+was kept about as scurvily as his pony,
+and was much such another nondescript; but,
+like his pony, it answered his purpose as well as a
+better; it was kicked, cuffed, and buffeted about,
+but still it was a conscience.</p>
+
+<p>Now this conscience, such as it was, smote
+poor Muggins right heartily when he delivered
+into the fair hands of Penelope Primrose a letter
+for her father. The poor lad recollected that he
+had, at Lord Spoonbill&#8217;s expense, drunk several
+more quarts of strong beer and glasses of gin
+than would otherwise have fallen to his lot, and
+that he had obtained these extra luxuries by
+putting into the hands of his lordship those
+letters which he ought to have delivered to
+Penelope Primrose.</p>
+
+<p>When Penelope left Smatterton, and was residing
+in London, Nick thought little or nothing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[251]</a></span>
+concerning his treachery. But now she had
+returned to the country again, and he had seen
+her, and she had spoken to him kindly and
+civilly, and had condescended to make enquiries
+after his poor old mother, his heart melted
+within him, and he could hardly speak to her.
+It was very kind of her to come out and speak
+to him, there was not one young lady in a hundred
+who would have condescended so much.
+Poor Muggins could not think what had bewitched
+him to play the traitor to so beautiful,
+so elegant, and so sweet-tempered a young lady
+as Miss Primrose; for Nick had a notion of
+elegance and beauty, though, to look at himself
+and his pony, one would hardly have imagined it.</p>
+
+<p>That was a curious refinement in Nick&#8217;s
+conscience, that he should reproach himself so
+much the more bitterly for his transgression,
+because the person whom he had injured was
+beautiful and sweet-tempered. Perhaps he
+would have thought less of the matter had Miss
+Primrose been a little, under-sized, snub-nosed,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[252]</a></span>
+cross-grained old maid. But that is a very
+dangerous and wicked mode of reasoning, and
+wiser people than Nick Muggins are guilty of
+it; let such persons be told that under-sized,
+snub-nosed, cross-grained old maids have as
+much feeling as the rest of the world, and are
+as much entitled to the advantages and protection
+of the laws of humanity as the young, and
+the lovely, and the amiable.</p>
+
+<p>Be this as it may, still the ungainly post-boy
+felt rather awkwardly and looked foolishly
+when he thus encountered the unexpected appearance
+and condescension of Penelope Primrose.
+And when he returned home to his
+mother&#8217;s cottage, he could not help acknowledging
+to her his transgressions, and speaking of
+the remorse that he felt.</p>
+
+<p>The old woman however thought and said,
+that what was done could not be undone, and
+that he had better be more cautious another
+time, and that mayhap it might not be a matter
+of much consequence; just a love affair like, or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[253]</a></span>
+some sich stuff; and she concluded by telling
+him never to take money out of letters for fear
+of being hanged.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But I am so sorry, mother,&#8221; said Nick,
+&#8220;you can&#8217;t think what a nice, kind young lady
+Miss Primrose is.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay, ay,&#8221; said Mrs Muggins, in reply, &#8220;and
+so is my Lord Spoonbill a very nice young
+gentleman. Never mind now, only don&#8217;t do so
+again. And what&#8217;s the use of your telling Miss
+Primrose anything about it?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh why, because somehow I think it was
+such a pity like. She is so pretty.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nonsense, boy; Lord Spoonbill is a person
+of much greater consequence than a dozen pretty
+Miss Primroses. I am sure he is as nice a man
+as ever lived.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Nick muttered something about Lord Spoonbill&#8217;s
+large whiskers, and the colloquy ceased;
+but Nick was fidgetty still.</p>
+
+<p>The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill suffered
+much uneasiness, and would, had he known<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[254]</a></span>
+what was passing in the mind of Nick Muggins,
+have suffered much more. But our business is
+now with the good people at Smatterton and
+Neverden, and we must therefore leave his lordship
+to bear his troubles by himself as well as
+he can.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[255]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">On</span> the Sunday after their arrival, Mr Primrose
+and his daughter made their appearance at
+church, and the people of the village stared at
+them of course. The rector of Smatterton
+preached one of his best sermons, and in his
+best style. The eloquence was lost upon all his
+audience, except Mr Primrose and his daughter;
+they attended to the preacher, and the rest of
+the congregation attended to them.</p>
+
+<p>When the service was over, Penelope took her
+father to look at the monument which had been
+raised in the churchyard to the memory of Dr
+Greendale. It was a very handsome monument,
+and had been put up at the expense of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[256]</a></span>
+Earl of Smatterton. There was a very long and
+elaborate eulogium on the deceased, which had
+been drawn up, it is supposed, by Mr Darnley,
+but subsequently corrected and altered by the
+Earl of Smatterton in the first instance, and in
+the next by the stone-mason.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose had been so long out of England
+that, for aught he knew to the contrary, it might
+be the fashion now to write nonsense on grave
+stones. There was however a kind intention,
+and Mr Primrose was pleased with it. While
+the father and daughter were thus mournfully
+enjoying the contemplation of this memorial of
+their deceased relative&#8217;s virtues, the great boys
+and girls of the village who had been in the
+habit of bowing and curtseying to Penelope, and
+who remembered that their homage had been
+graciously received while she lived there under
+her uncle&#8217;s roof, now thronged almost rudely
+round them, as if with a view of attracting the
+lady&#8217;s notice.</p>
+
+<p>For a little while Penelope was too much taken<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[257]</a></span>
+up to notice them; but when her curiosity had
+been gratified, and her feelings had been indulged
+by a few gentle and stainless tears shed to
+the memory of her departed benefactor, she turned
+round and took particular notice of such as she
+remembered. She asked them such questions as
+occurred to her concerning their respective families
+and occupations, and she heard many an old
+story repeated concerning the aged and infirm.
+Enquiries were made by Penelope after grandfathers
+and grandmothers, and in one or two
+instances of great grandmothers. These enquiries
+were copiously or sheepishly answered,
+according to the several tastes and habits of the
+persons answering them.</p>
+
+<p>There was one little girl in the group whose
+face Penelope did not recollect. The child looked
+very earnestly at her, and seemed several times
+as if about to make an effort to speak, but awe
+held her back. With her, and as if urging her
+on to speak, was another and greater girl. And
+the greater girl moved the little one towards<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[258]</a></span>
+Miss Primrose, and the poor little girl coloured
+up to the eyes; but she had gone too far to
+retract, and she was emboldened at last by
+Penelope&#8217;s kind looks to make a very pretty
+curtsey and say, &#8220;Please Miss&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The poor thing could get no farther, till
+Penelope relieved her embarrassment by taking
+hold of her hand and saying, &#8220;Well, my dear,
+what have you to say to me? I have no recollection
+that I have ever seen you before. How
+long have you lived at Smatterton?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Then the little one was emboldened to speak,
+and she told Penelope that she had but recently
+come there, and that she had taken the liberty
+to speak, because she had some few weeks ago
+picked up a letter directed to Miss Primrose.</p>
+
+<p>Hereupon the girl drew from her pocket a
+handkerchief which was carefully folded up, and
+when with great ceremony the handkerchief was
+unfolded, a letter made its appearance, which
+did not seem to have required much careful enveloping
+to keep it clean. It was miserably dirty,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[259]</a></span>
+and the direction was barely visible. Penelope
+wondered indeed that the child had been able to
+make out the inscription, so far as to ascertain
+to whom it was addressed; but the hand-writing
+was so manifestly Robert Darnley&#8217;s, that the
+young lady felt too much emotion and too eager
+a curiosity to wait to ask any farther particulars
+of the mode, place and time in which the letter
+was found. Only waiting to ask the child her
+name and place of abode, and to make such
+acknowledgment as is expected in such cases,
+Penelope hastened home full of contending and
+harassing thoughts, unable to form the slightest
+conjecture of a satisfactory nature concerning
+this strange occurrence.</p>
+
+<p>Now this letter, together with that which
+Robert Darnley had written to Mr Primrose,
+and which Mr Primrose gave to his daughter for
+her perusal, set the question completely at rest
+in the mind of Penelope, and assured her that
+the young gentleman had not by any neglect
+designed to break off the correspondence.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[260]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>But when one difficulty was removed, another
+started up in its place. There was something
+very remarkable in a letter being dropped out of
+the bag; but though it was barely possible that
+such mishap might have befallen one letter, it
+was by no means a supposable case that several
+letters in succession passing between the same
+persons should all have met with the same accident.
+In the interruption of these letters there
+was clearly design and intention; but what was
+the design, or who was the designer, Penelope
+could not conjecture. Her suspicions could not
+find an object to rest upon; she was not aware of
+having any enemies, and of course she could not
+imagine that any one but an enemy could have
+behaved so cruelly. She concluded, therefore,
+as far as in such a case any conclusion could
+be made, that the interruption of the correspondence
+must have been effected by some enemy of
+Robert Darnley.</p>
+
+<p>It was not very pleasant to have the idea of
+some concealed and unascertained enemy, but<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[261]</a></span>
+there was something gratifying to Penelope in
+having discovered that verily the cessation of the
+correspondence had not been voluntary on the
+part of her lover. Therefore, as it appeared from
+the letter which had been picked up that the
+young gentleman had not ceased to write, even
+after he had some ground to fear that the correspondence
+was discontinued by the young
+lady, and as it was also manifest from the letter
+addressed to Mr Primrose, that Robert Darnley
+was still desirous of an explanation of the young
+lady&#8217;s silence, Penelope could not any longer
+resist her father&#8217;s proposal that he should write
+to the young gentleman.</p>
+
+<p>The answer was accordingly sent to Robert
+Darnley, and the explanation which he sought
+was amply and fully given. He was also as
+much puzzled as the young lady was at the
+circumstance of the letter being picked up, and
+his conjectures found no resting place. His
+immediate impulse was to make direct enquiry
+of the post-boy, and to extort from him, if pos<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[262]</a></span>sible,
+some account of the very remarkable fact
+of a correspondence actually suppressed by the
+failure of three letters in succession.</p>
+
+<p>But there was a more interesting matter yet
+to attend to, and that was the meeting with
+Penelope after a long absence and an interrupted
+correspondence. Robert Darnley knew
+his father&#8217;s temperament, and felt a difficulty in
+mentioning the subject to him, but still he could
+not think of renewing the acquaintance with a
+view to marriage, without explicitly informing
+his father of the intention.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose and his daughter had now been
+at Smatterton a few days, and as the two villages
+were so remarkably intimate with each
+other, it was impossible for anything to take
+place in the one without its being known in the
+other. The arrival of the parties had been made
+known, as we have seen, at the rectory of Neverden,
+and apprehensions were entertained by
+the daughters of Mr Darnley that their father
+would be grievously liberal of his wise exhorta<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[263]</a></span>tions
+to his yet enamoured son. And when two
+or three days had passed away, and not a word
+of public notice had been taken of the fact in the
+family of the rector, the young ladies began to
+please themselves with the hope that no notice
+would be taken of the matter, and they trusted
+that some circumstance or other might remove
+Penelope again, and finally, from Smatterton;
+or, as they thought it not unlikely, their brother
+might soon fix his affections elsewhere.</p>
+
+<p>It was very clear to the young ladies that
+Miss Glossop, notwithstanding her recent disappointment,
+was something of an admirer of
+their brother; and it was obvious that Sir
+George Aimwell was desirous of cultivating an
+acquaintance between the parties. The worthy
+baronet was unusually eloquent in praising Miss
+Glossop, and mightily ingenious in discovering
+innumerable, and to other eyes undiscernible,
+good qualities in his fair kinswoman. But though
+Sir George was a magistrate and a game preserver,
+he was no conjurer. He was not aware<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[264]</a></span>
+that there could exist any diversities of taste;
+but he seemed to imagine that those qualities
+which were agreeable to himself must be agreeable
+to everybody else; and when he was
+descanting on the multitudinous excellences of
+Miss Glossop, and describing her to Robert
+Darnley as possessing every possible and impossible
+virtue, he did not see that the young man&#8217;s
+mind was of a complexion widely different from
+his own. It was not therefore to this young
+lady that the daughters of the rector of Neverden
+looked forward as the person likely to
+liberate them from Miss Primrose.</p>
+
+<p>Their hope was altogether of an undefined
+nature. They merely hoped and trusted that
+something would occur to relieve them from
+their present uncomfortable condition. This undefined
+hope is, perhaps, after all the best that
+we can entertain. It may appear not very rational,
+but we have a notion that in serious truth it is
+a great deal more rational than that hope which
+seems to have a foundation in something pro<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[265]</a></span>bable:
+for it is in the very nature and condition
+of earthly events, that they almost invariably
+disappoint expectation and miserably mock our
+sagacity. If therefore our hopes be of something
+definite, they will be almost assuredly
+disappointed; but if we only hope generally and
+indefinitely that something, we know not what,
+may occur to remove the cause of our troubles,
+we may have a much better chance that we shall
+not be disappointed. The chances in our favor
+are thus indefinitely multiplied.</p>
+
+<p>The hope of the young ladies, that nothing
+would be said about Miss Primrose because
+nothing had been said about her for several days,
+was disappointed on the very morning that Mr
+Primrose sent his answer to Robert Darnley,
+explaining the cause of the suspension of the
+correspondence. The note from Mr Primrose
+was brought to Neverden by the trusty servant
+and universal genius who performed at Smatterton
+rectory the various duties of foot<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[266]</a></span>man,
+groom, gardener, butler, stable-boy, and
+porter.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Darnley, whose eyes were ever vigilant,
+no sooner saw the messenger than he conjectured
+what was the object of his coming; that is, he
+so far conjectured as to form an idea that the
+note was with reference to Miss Primrose.
+When therefore the reverend gentleman heard
+that a note was actually brought from Smatterton
+rectory, and addressed to Mr Robert
+Darnley, the feeling of curiosity was strongly
+excited to know what was the object of the said
+note. But, to say nothing of curiosity, the elder
+Mr Darnley felt that it was his duty to be
+acquainted with all correspondence carried on
+with persons under his roof, especially with
+members of his own family.</p>
+
+<p>Impelled then by a double motive&mdash;the power
+of curiosity and a sense of duty&mdash;the rector
+of Neverden very peremptorily commanded the
+attendance of his son in the study. The com<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[267]</a></span>mand
+was as promptly obeyed as it had been
+authoritatively given.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You have had a note from Smatterton this
+morning?&#8221; said the father.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have, sir,&#8221; replied the son steadily, but
+respectfully.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And may I be permitted to know the contents
+of that communication?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Most assuredly, sir,&#8221; replied the young gentleman:
+&#8220;I intended to acquaint you with its
+contents as soon as I had read it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Robert Darnley then handed the paper to his
+father, who perused it with eager haste and
+anxious excitement. Rapidly however as the
+rector read the communication, he discerned two
+facts which made him angry, and, as he said,
+astonished. We have observed that the astonishment
+rests upon the testimony only of Mr
+Darnley&#8217;s own saying; and we have made that
+observation, because we think that Mr Darnley
+was not strictly correct in his assertion: we do
+not believe that Mr Darnley was at all astonished<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[268]</a></span>
+at those facts. He was no doubt angry when he
+discovered that his son had written to Mr Primrose;
+and there is nothing incredible in the idea
+that he was angry at the anticipation of a renewal
+of the acquaintance between his son and Miss
+Primrose. But he was not astonished at these
+things, and he ought not to have said that he
+was. It is however a very common practice, for
+the sake of giving pathos and effect to moral
+exhortation or expostulation, to express an astonishment
+which is not felt. This is a species of
+lying, and Mrs Opie would certainly set it down
+as such.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Darnley not only said that he was astonished,
+but absolutely affected to look astonished.
+But that dramatic species of visual rebuke was
+by no means adapted to produce an impression
+on Mr Darnley the younger; and had the trick
+been played off by any one else than a parent,
+the young gentleman would certainly have
+laughed. It has been often observed, that children
+are much more knowing than is generally<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[269]</a></span>
+supposed, and the same observation may be
+applied to children of a larger growth. But
+parents cannot well help considering their children
+as always children.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And so,&#8221; said the rector of Neverden, &#8220;you
+have actually had the folly to write to Mr Primrose,
+and to endeavour to renew an acquaintance
+which was clearly and positively broken off by
+Miss Primrose herself?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I think, sir,&#8221; responded with much gentleness
+the rector&#8217;s son, &#8220;that, if you read this note
+attentively, you will see that Miss Primrose did
+not positively break the acquaintance, but that
+by some means, as yet unknown, the letters
+which should have passed between us were intercepted.
+Proof of that is given in the singular
+circumstance, that the last letter which I wrote
+to Smatterton from India was the other day
+picked up by a child.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Mr Darnley smiled a smile of incredulity and
+compassionate condescension.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Foolish boy,&#8221; said he,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[270]</a></span> &#8220;and can you suffer
+yourself to be so easily deceived as to believe this
+story?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Surely you will not go so far as to say that
+Miss Primrose would descend to the meanness
+of asserting an untruth.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am asserting nothing concerning Miss
+Primrose. This note is not her&#8217;s, it is her
+father&#8217;s; and I do know that Mr Primrose can
+use profane language; I have heard him. And
+would such a man hesitate at untruth for the
+sake of an establishment for his daughter? Besides
+what can be more clear than that, now the
+negotiation with Lord Spoonbill is broken off,
+they are very willing to apply to you again.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>There is great power in imagination. Mr
+Darnley had taken it into his head that Penelope
+had really been simple enough to admire Lord
+Spoonbill, and vain enough to aspire to title on
+the strength of personal beauty. She was what
+is commonly called a fine young woman, and
+there was in her deportment, especially in the
+season of health and spirits, while her uncle lived,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[271]</a></span>
+a certain constitutional magnificence of manner
+which might easily bear the name of pride and
+haughtiness. Now as Mr Darnley was himself
+a proud man, he did not like pride; and there
+is nothing at all paradoxical or inconsistent in
+this. It is perfectly natural that those who feel
+a pleasure in looking down on others and being
+looked up to, should not be pleased with such as
+indulge them not in their favourite occupation.</p>
+
+<p>There had not indeed ever been in the behaviour
+of Penelope towards Mr Darnley anything
+actually disrespectful; but Mr Darnley could see
+that her spirit was high and essentially unsubmissive.
+He had therefore always called her proud;
+and as soon as any suspicion arose of the withdrawing
+of her affections from Robert Darnley,
+immediately the father concluded that this change
+was owing to the young lady&#8217;s pride aspiring to
+the hand of Lord Spoonbill; and when she went
+to London to the Countess, then his suspicion
+seemed corroborated; and when she returned to
+Smatterton, and when Mr Primrose sent the note<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[272]</a></span>
+in question to Neverden, then did Mr Darnley
+feel himself assured that the young lady had
+been disappointed in her calculations concerning
+Lord Spoonbill, and that now she repented her
+folly in renouncing the hand of Robert Darnley,
+and wished to recall the affection which she had
+spurned.</p>
+
+<p>Under such persuasion, from which not all the
+logic in the world could move him, he smiled at
+the credulity and the weakness of the young
+man, while the young man was equally astonished
+and grieved at the immovable obstinacy of his
+father. Such cases sometimes occur, and perplexing
+are they when they do occur, in which a
+son bearing all possible respect towards a father
+feels himself yet justified in the court of his own
+conscience in acting contrary to his father&#8217;s will.
+Thus situated was the son of the rector of Neverden.
+He found that it would be in vain to use
+any arguments, and he was firm in his intention
+of taking the earliest opportunity of acknowledging
+the receipt of Mr Primrose&#8217;s letter, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[273]</a></span>
+of expressing his full determination to renew the
+acquaintance with Penelope. So far was the
+young man from participating in his father&#8217;s suspicions,
+that the very arguments which the father
+had used, and the particulars which he had
+stated, did but strengthen his own opinion of the
+purity and correctness of the young lady&#8217;s conduct;
+and when he considered the circumstances
+under which she had been placed, he felt a degree
+of pity for her, and he pitied her also that she
+laboured under those untoward and unfounded
+suspicions which had been excited by the idle
+tongue of Zephaniah Pringle.</p>
+
+<p>It became in fact to Robert Darnley a matter
+of conscience to rectify all misunderstandings as
+early as possible. Without therefore affecting
+to enter into any elaborate discussion with his
+father, he merely replied to what had been said:
+&#8220;I cannot say that I view this affair in the same
+light that you do, sir; and I am satisfied that if
+you had a knowledge of all the facts, you would
+not have reason to blame Miss Primrose. I will<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[274]</a></span>
+not pretend to argue with you, or to presume to
+put my knowledge of the world in competition
+with yours. But I must take the liberty to say
+firmly, though respectfully, that it is my intention
+to see Mr and Miss Primrose, and if I find
+that Penelope is still the same amiable and pure-minded
+young woman as she was when I first
+made her an offer of my hand, I will repeat that
+offer; and I am convinced your prejudice will
+wear off, if not by my arguments, at least they
+will give way to the young lady&#8217;s real excellence
+of character.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Mr Darnley was not accustomed to be contradicted.
+Neither his wife nor his daughters ever
+disputed his will, or affected to oppose their logic
+to his determinations. Of his son&#8217;s obedience
+and gentleness of disposition he had always
+entertained the highest opinion, and with reason:
+but he forgot that everything has its limits, and
+there is a point beyond which compliance and
+obedience cannot go. If Mr Darnley had said at
+the close of his son&#8217;s last speech,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[275]</a></span> &#8220;I am astonished,&#8221;
+he would have spoken truly. He was
+indeed astonished, but he was not frightened out
+of his propriety; he was rather frightened into
+propriety.</p>
+
+<p>For a few seconds he was absolutely speechless
+and almost breathless. But soon respiration
+returned, and the power of speech returned with
+it; and his momentary gasp of astonishment
+gave him time for consideration. He considered
+in that brief interval that he had no more power
+over his son than his son chose to give him, and
+he thought it a pity to endanger his influence by
+attempting to retain his authority. Subduing
+himself, he replied:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;If you will be obstinate there is no help for
+it. But I could wish that you would listen to
+reason.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Thus speaking, Mr Darnley left the apartment,
+angry but endeavouring to keep himself calm.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[276]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Mr Darnley&#8217;s</span> study overlooked the avenue
+which led to the house. For a study it was not
+well situated, inasmuch as it was next to impossible
+for any one but a person of great powers of
+abstraction to keep himself free from interruption.
+The situation however was very well
+adapted to the humour of the rector of Neverden;
+for thus he could observe every one who approached
+the house, and exercise a continual
+superintendance over his establishment, seeing
+that no one could enter or leave the house without
+his knowledge.</p>
+
+<p>At the study window Robert Darnley took his
+station, looking listlessly towards the road that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[277]</a></span>
+passed the end of the avenue and led towards
+the village of Smatterton. Turning a little towards
+the left hand he could see at a very short
+distance the magnificent towers of Smatterton
+castle and the smart gilt weathercock of Smatterton
+church. The young man was beginning to
+grow sentimental and melancholy; but soon his
+thoughts were diverted from sentimentality by
+the appearance of Nick Muggins and his pony
+fumbling their clumsy entrance at the great white
+gate that opened into the road. Better riders
+than Nick are sometimes puzzled at opening a
+heavy swing gate on horseback; but Nick would
+always manage it without dismounting, if he had
+to make twenty efforts for it.</p>
+
+<p>Nick was certainly a picturesque, though by no
+means a poetical object; and his appearance dispersed
+the gathering cloud of lackadaisicalness
+which was just threatening Robert Darnley with
+a fit of melancholy. Other thoughts, though
+bearing on the same object, now took possession
+of him; and as he was very straitforward and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[278]</a></span>
+prompt in whatever occurred to him, he immediately
+resolved to question the boy concerning the
+lost letters.</p>
+
+<p>For this purpose, without waiting for the arrival
+of the letter-carrier at the house-door, Robert
+Darnley went partly down the avenue to meet
+him. Nick made one of his best bows, and
+grinned his compliments to the young gentleman
+on his arrival in England; for this was the first
+meeting of the parties since the rector&#8217;s son
+arrived at home. Robert Darnley was not a man
+of compliments; he proceeded directly to business.
+Producing from his pocket the letter
+which had been picked up by the little girl, he
+held it out to the lad, saying:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Muggins, can you give any account of this
+letter; it was picked up in the road the other
+day; do you ever drop the letters out of the
+bag?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Muggins, who was as cunning a rogue as many
+of his betters, concealed his conviction and shame
+as well as might be, and took the letter into his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[279]</a></span>
+hand with much simplicity of look, and gazed
+upon it for a while with &#8220;lack-lustre eye;&#8221; not
+that he had any great need to examine the letter
+in order to answer the question, but thereby
+he gained time to meditate a lie of some kind or
+other. After looking at it for a few moments he
+handed it back to Robert Darnley, and said:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Please, sir, I can&#8217;t make out the &#8217;rection
+of it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>That might be true, but it was not much of an
+answer to the question which was proposed to
+him.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The direction of the letter,&#8221; answered Darnley,
+&#8220;is to Miss Primrose at Smatterton. Now
+do you remember ever losing a letter that should
+have been delivered at the rectory at Smatterton?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Nick Muggins, we have related, was so melted
+by the condescending kindness of Penelope
+Primrose, that his heart smote him sorely for his
+unfaithfulness to his trust, and he was on the
+very verge of a confession of his iniquity; but<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[280]</a></span>
+then Penelope was not likely to horsewhip him,
+whereas there did appear to the sagacious mind
+of the treacherous letter-carrier some possibility
+of such operation being performed by the more
+vigorous arm of Robert Darnley; and as such a
+catastrophe must be exceedingly unpleasant to a
+man of any feeling, Nick resolved to use his
+utmost sagacity to avoid it. The question therefore,
+which was last proposed, he answered thus:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ve took a great many letters to Smatterton
+parsonage, sir, and I don&#8217;t never remember losen
+none as I took there.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Here again was an equivocation worthy of
+the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill himself.
+Robert Darnley thought that Nick Muggins was
+a fool, but Nick was not such a fool as he
+looked. He had prodigiously fine diplomatic
+talents, but &#8216;Full many a flower, &amp;c.&#8217; as the
+poet says.</p>
+
+<p>All the questions and cross-questionings of
+the son of the rector of Neverden could not
+extort from the carrier of the Smatterton and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[281]</a></span>
+Neverden letter-bags any information leading to
+the discovery of the circumstances to which the
+interruption of the correspondence might be
+attributed. In despair of ascertaining anything,
+Robert Darnley ceased his interrogations, and
+the uncouth rider of the indescribable beast
+then handed to his interrogator his share of the
+contents of the letter-bag. It was only one
+letter, and the superscription was in an unknown
+hand.</p>
+
+<p>The young gentleman opened the letter with
+great eagerness of curiosity, and looking to the
+end of it he found that it was anonymous. He
+endeavoured to read and comprehend the whole
+by one glance, but it did not betray its meaning
+so obviously; he was therefore under the
+necessity of reading it regularly line by line.
+We are not much in the habit of printing letters&mdash;we
+think it a breach of confidence; but,
+as the present is anonymous, we venture to
+give it:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[282]</a><br /><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[283]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;A sincere well-wisher to Mr Robert Darnley,
+though a total stranger, or nearly so, wishes
+to caution an unsuspicious and generous mind
+against a deep-laid plot, which has for its object
+to entrap Mr D. into a marriage, which
+will bring with it poverty and disgrace. It may
+not be altogether unknown to Mr D. that a
+certain gentleman, who shall be nameless, once
+ruined a handsome fortune by gaming. This
+gentleman now professes to have repaired his
+shattered fortunes, and to have forsaken entirely
+his vicious habit. But this is mere pretence.
+Nearly the whole of that which he acquired
+abroad, he has in a short time lost by gambling
+at home; and now he gives out that his
+loss arises from the stoppage of a banking-house
+in town. Concerning the character of a
+young lady nearly related to the gentleman
+above alluded to, Mr D. would do well to make
+the strictest inquiry before he ventures on the
+irretrievable step of marriage. Mr D. ought to
+ascertain why Smatterton is chosen for her
+residence. The &mdash;&mdash; family is not residing at
+the castle, but it is possible that an individual of
+that family may find a pretence for an incognito
+visit there. A word to the wise is enough.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>A letter such as this was almost too much
+for Robert Darnley. He was honest, candid,
+and unsuspicious; but even in such minds as
+his jealousy may be excited, and the above
+letter very nearly answered the purpose.</p>
+
+<p>Instead of going directly to Smatterton, according
+to his first intention, he returned to the
+house, and read over and over again this mysterious
+and anonymous epistle. But there was
+nothing in it which could afford him the slightest
+information as to the source from whence it
+came, or the motive with which it could have
+been written.</p>
+
+<p>It was peculiarly mortifying, after the magnanimous,
+prompt, and decided avowal which
+he had made to his father, of his intention of
+renewing his acquaintance with Miss Primrose,
+that he should meet with this painful and perplexing
+interruption. He began to wish that he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[284]</a></span>
+had not been quite so positive. He supposed
+that of course his father took it for granted
+that the threatened visit to Smatterton would
+be paid that very morning. And he had dreaded
+meeting the family at dinner, should the visit
+have been paid; but still greater would be his
+mortification to meet his father again and be
+forced to acknowledge that he had not been to
+Smatterton. It would be but natural to ask if
+he had been there, and quite as natural to ask
+why he had not.</p>
+
+<p>The answer to these enquiries would involve
+the young gentleman in a dilemma, to extricate
+himself from which would require the talents of
+a Muggins, or a Spoonbill. But Robert Darnley
+was not cut out for shuffling and equivocating.
+His only consideration was, how far it might be
+prudent to inform his father of the receipt of
+the anonymous letter.</p>
+
+<p>For the purpose of giving himself time for uninterrupted
+meditation, he sauntered out from
+the house, and, as it were unconsciously, turned<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[285]</a></span>
+his steps towards the village of Smatterton.
+And he thought, as he walked along, that it
+would take several days at least, if not some
+weeks, to ascertain the truth or falsehood of the
+insinuations. He knew not where to seek for
+information, or how to gain evidence either on
+one side or the other. If he should not very
+soon make a visit to Mr Primrose, it would seem
+manifest that his intention was not to renew the
+acquaintance with Penelope; and very mortifying
+indeed would it be to him, if, after making
+enquiries and finding that the insinuations of the
+anonymous letter were unfounded, malicious and
+mischievous, he should, by his tardiness or mean
+suspicions, have forfeited the good will of the
+young lady.</p>
+
+<p>Fortunate for him was it, that while he was
+thinking on the subject of this anonymous communication,
+and putting the case that it might
+be the work of some malicious and ill-designing
+one, there occurred also to his recollection the
+lost letter which had been picked up by a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[286]</a></span>
+stranger. With the recollection of that came
+also again to his mind the image and tone and
+look of the crafty letter-carrier, and the shuffling
+evasive answers which the cunning dog had
+given to his interrogatories.</p>
+
+<p>Wise and penetrating reader, who can&#8217;st dive
+most deeply into human motives, and read the
+movements of the human heart, we beseech thee
+not to impute it to stupidity or obtuseness in
+our friend Robert Darnley, that he could not
+sooner see the probability of the existence in
+some quarter or other of a spirit of treachery at
+work against him. His own mind was of a very
+unsuspicious cast, and he was not in the habit
+of looking for deeply-laid schemes, but he gave
+general credit to appearances and ordinary assertions.
+He was not unaware of the existence of
+roguery, or of the circulation of unfounded
+reports, but he did not look very commonly and
+cunningly for tricks and falsehood in the everyday
+movements of human life. But when he
+once had ground for suspicion, he had sagacity<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[287]</a></span>
+enough to pursue the investigation, and prudence
+enough not to be deceived when once put
+on his guard.</p>
+
+<p>He thought again of the anonymous letter, and
+he knew that there was no individual residing
+in London sufficiently acquainted with him to
+have written this letter for his sake. He thought
+of the intercepted letters, and of the allusion
+to Lord Spoonbill, and he thought of none so
+likely to have intercepted those letters as
+Lord Spoonbill himself. An apprehension of
+something near the truth now came firmly and
+distinctly upon his mind.</p>
+
+<p>Under the impression of this thought, he moved
+somewhat more rapidly and decidedly towards
+Smatterton, almost resolving that he would actually
+call at once on Mr Primrose, and renew
+his acquaintance with Penelope. He thought
+that he possessed penetration enough to discover
+if there were in the young lady&#8217;s deportment
+and carriage any symptoms of a diminished or
+impaired moral feeling.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[288]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It would not be much out of his way to go
+through the park, and as there was a footpath
+passing very closely by the castle, he designed
+to take that route, that, if meeting any one of
+the domestics, he might be able to ascertain
+whether or not Lord Spoonbill was expected at
+Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>Not many steps had he taken with this intention
+before he had the satisfaction of meeting
+the unfaithful Nick Muggins, shuffling back
+from having delivered up his charge. Nick saw
+the young gentleman, and would gladly have
+avoided the meeting; but there was no way of
+escape, except by going back again to Smatterton,
+and that was quite out of the question, for
+at the public-house of that village he had spent
+his last allowable minute. Finding that the
+encounter must take place, Nick whistled himself
+up to his highest pitch of moral fortitude,
+and put spurs to his beast. He might as well
+have struck his spurs against a brick wall. The
+rough-coated quadruped had been too long in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[289]</a></span>
+the service of government to be put out of his
+usual pace by Nick&#8217;s spurs, and these said
+spurs had been long enough in the service of
+Muggins to have lost their virtue.</p>
+
+<p>Nick&#8217;s next resource was to give Mr Robert
+Darnley the cut indirect, and to ride on without
+seeing him. But that was no easy matter
+in a narrow unfrequented road. Before the
+rogue could resolve what to do, the parties were
+together, and Robert Darnley, advancing into
+the middle of the road, gave command to the
+lad to stop. Disobedience of course was not to
+be thought of; and though the consciousness of
+guilt and the suspicion of accusation made
+him tremble, yet the necessity of concealment
+rendered him very cautious of betraying any
+emotion.</p>
+
+<p>The appearance of Robert Darnley&#8217;s countenance
+was at this interview very different from
+what it had been an hour or two ago. For, in
+the first instance, he had been merely making<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[290]</a></span>
+an unsuspicious enquiry, and his interrogations
+had been more for the purpose of gaining information
+than for fixing an accusation. Now, he
+felt as if he were examining a criminal, and he
+directed a stern enquiring look towards the uncouth
+varlet, who blinked like an owl in the
+sunshine and seemed to be looking about for
+something to look at; for he was ashamed to
+look at Robert Darnley, and afraid to fix his
+eyes elsewhere.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Muggins, have the goodness to dismount,&#8221;
+said the young gentleman; &#8220;I wish to have a
+little talk with you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>That was a movement by no means agreeable
+to Mr Muggins, who would thereby be brought
+into closer and more perilous contact with an
+ugly ill-looking elastic knotted cane, which was
+bending under the pressure of Mr Darnley&#8217;s
+hand. Muggins therefore, in answer to this
+command, said with all the coolness he could
+muster:</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[291]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Please, sir, I maan&#8217;t stay long.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nonsense,&#8221; replied Darnley; &#8220;dismount, I
+tell you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Now Muggins thought that if he was destined
+to receive a caning for a violation of his trust,
+he need not add to his troubles by provoking
+Mr Darnley to administer an extra application
+to him for refusing to dismount. Down therefore
+came Nick, and at the word of command
+fastened his horse to a gate-post.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Now, Muggins,&#8221; said Robert Darnley, &#8220;if
+you don&#8217;t tell me the truth, I will cane you as
+long as I can stand.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Sir?&#8221; said Muggins, in a tone of well-feigned
+astonishment, and with the accent of
+interrogation.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Will you tell me the truth, sir?&#8221; repeated the
+interrogator.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What about, sir?&#8221; asked Muggins.</p>
+
+<p>That question does by no means redound to
+the credit of Muggins; for had he been a truly<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[292]</a></span>
+honest lad, he would have been ready to tell the
+truth on any subject.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What about!&#8221; echoed Darnley; &#8220;about
+those letters, to be sure, which you ought to have
+delivered at the rectory at Smatterton. Tell me
+what you did with them, this moment.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>A threatening aspect accompanied, and a
+threatening attitude followed this speech. Muggins
+gave himself up for lost. If he called
+out &#8220;murder,&#8221; there was none to assist him;
+running away was an absolute impossibility;
+resistance would be vain; and shuffling would
+no longer answer the purpose. It is astonishing
+how powerfully present considerations overwhelm
+and command the mind. If Muggins could have
+mustered up sufficient energy of purpose to
+resist the threats of the son of the rector of Neverden,
+he might afterwards have laid his case
+before the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, by
+whose interest he might have gained promotion,
+or by whose liberality he might have been hand<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[293]</a></span>somely
+rewarded. But all other thoughts and
+considerations were lost and absorbed in the
+elastic cane, which seemed vibrating with anxious
+eagerness for a close acquaintance with his
+shoulders.</p>
+
+<p>Cowering and trembling, the guilty one, whose
+craftiness would no longer avail him, dropped
+abjectly upon his knees and blubberingly implored
+for mercy, on consideration of revealing
+the whole truth. Darnley, who thought more of
+the happiness of renewing his acquaintance with
+Penelope than of the pleasure of caning a graceless
+varlet, readily promised mercy upon confession.
+And so great was Nick&#8217;s gratitude for
+the mercy promised, that he told the whole
+truth, and gave up the character of Lord Spoonbill
+to contempt.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[294]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">When</span> the interview recorded in the last chapter
+had concluded, both parties were pleased;
+but the pleasure of the one was far more durable
+than that of the other. Nick Muggins enjoyed
+but a negative delight in having escaped an
+imminent and threatening peril. But afterwards
+he began to reflect; for he could think, seeing
+that he had nothing else to do.</p>
+
+<p>It is worth notice, that many apparently
+stupid, ignorant and obtuse cubs, whose employment
+is monotonous and mechanical, possess
+a certain degree of shrewdness, and exhibit
+occasionally symptoms of reflection and observation
+to which more cultivated and educated<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[295]</a></span>
+minds are strangers. Curious it is also to see
+the gaping wonderment with which those, whose
+wisdom is from books, regard those who happen
+to have any power or capacity of thought without
+the assistance of books. Gentle reader,
+when you are next requested to write some wise
+sentence in a lady&#8217;s album, write the following:
+&#8220;books are more indebted to wisdom, than wisdom
+is to books.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Nick, we have said, began to think; and the
+farther he was removed from Robert Darnley&#8217;s
+cane with the less delight did he contemplate
+his escape. It came also into his mind that,
+although this young gentleman had withheld
+the threatened infliction, yet there were other
+troubles awaiting him, and other dangers threatening
+him. Drowning mariners, it has been said,
+seldom calculate upon the consequence of their
+vows. Nor did Muggins calculate upon the
+probable consequences of the confession which
+he had made to escape an impending castigation.</p>
+
+<p>He had escaped the cane of Robert Darnley,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[296]</a></span>
+but he had thereby exposed himself to the danger
+of a similar visitation from the hand of Lord
+Spoonbill. There was also some probability, and
+no slight one, that he might in addition to other
+calamities suffer the loss of his place. People
+in office do not like to lose their places, for it
+makes them very ill-humoured and provokes
+them to all manner of absurdities. Nick also
+thought that if his place should be taken from
+him in consequence of this his unfaithfulness,
+Lord Spoonbill would be also exposed, and Lord
+Spoonbill being exposed would be mightily
+angry with Nick, and, being angry with him,
+would not make him any remuneration for his
+loss. Moreover Nick thought that Lord Spoonbill
+would call him a fool for having divulged
+the secret, and Nick did not like to be called a
+fool. Who does? So, in order to avoid being
+called a fool, Nick meditated playing the rogue.</p>
+
+<p>We by no means approve of this conduct, and
+we record it not as an example, but as a caution;
+and we would seriously recommend all persons in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[297]</a></span>
+public offices to be as honest as they possibly
+can; or if this political morality appears too
+rigid and savours of puritanical strictness, we
+would advise them to be as honest as they conveniently
+can.</p>
+
+<p>The scheme of roguery which the letter-carrier
+devised, was destined to be effected by means of
+epistolary correspondence with the Right Honorable
+Lord Spoonbill; but fortunately for the
+rogue, as even rogues are sometimes fortunate,
+the trouble of writing was saved him by the personal
+appearance of Lord Spoonbill himself at
+the town of M&mdash;&mdash;, where Nick Muggins dwelt,
+and from which he carried the letters to Smatterton
+and Neverden. It was a great pleasure to
+Muggins to be saved the trouble of writing, for
+that operation was attended with much labour
+and difficulty to him, seeing that he had many
+doubts as to the shapes of letters and the meaning
+of words.</p>
+
+<p>Muggins had not been at home many minutes
+before Lord Spoonbill presented himself to the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[298]</a></span>
+astonished eyes of the unfaithful letter-carrier.
+His lordship was wonderfully condescending to
+honor so humble a roof by his presence; but it
+was not the first time that he had paid a visit to
+Mr Muggins in his own house. The object, or
+more properly speaking the nature of the object,
+of his visit was guessed at, and the spirit of
+Nick&#8217;s knavery was kindled within him, and he
+was prepared to say or do aught that his lordship
+might dictate or propose, for the purpose of
+furthering the hereditary legislator&#8217;s right honorable
+pursuit.</p>
+
+<p>Nick&#8217;s residence is not indeed a matter of
+much importance to the world, nor does its locality
+or aspect bear powerfully on the development
+of our catastrophe, or greatly assist the progress
+of our narrative. But we describe it, because we
+may thereby give our readers a more complete
+and impressive idea of the great condescension of
+Lord Spoonbill in visiting so obscure an abode.</p>
+
+<p>The town of M&mdash;&mdash; was situated on the banks
+of a river. The streets were long and narrow,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[299]</a></span>
+and the houses high and dingy. The ground on
+which the town was built was uneven, and the
+materials with which it was paved were execrable.
+This is spoken of the best parts of the
+town, of those streets which stood on the higher
+ground. The inferior part was not paved at all,
+and was approachable only by an almost abrupt
+descent through a lane or narrow street, in which
+the houses nearly met at the top. The ground
+on which a passenger must walk was of a nature
+so miscellaneous as almost to defy description,
+and quite to puzzle analysis. Black mud, as
+everlasting as the perennial snows which rest on
+the summits of inaccessible mountains, decayed
+vegetables of every season of the year, refuse
+fish, unpicked bones of every conceivable variety
+of animals, deceased cats and dogs and rats in
+every possible degree of decomposition, broken
+bricks and tiles, and shreds of earthen vessels of
+all variety of domestic application, sticks, stones,
+old shoes, tin kettles and superannuated old saucepans,
+formed the dead stock of the street. And<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[300]</a></span>
+the live stock was by no means calculated to
+give to the spectator a high idea of the dignity of
+human nature. The fair sex in these regions
+appeared by no means to any great advantage;
+nature had done little for them and art less. In
+their voices there was less melody than loudness,
+and in their language more energy than elegance.
+They expressed their feelings without circumlocution,
+and resented indignities with hand as
+well as tongue. In the air which they breathed
+there might be enough to discompose and irritate,
+for the decomposition of sprats is by no
+means fragrant; and when an atmosphere is
+constantly burdened with the effluvia of soap,
+tallow, and train oil, it is not calculated to soothe
+the irritated nerves.</p>
+
+<p>To pass through such a region as this could
+not have been mightily agreeable to the refined
+senses of Lord Spoonbill. But not only did he
+pass through it, but he sought out in one of its
+meanest habitations the carrier of the Smatterton
+and Neverden letter-bags. All this however he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[301]</a></span>
+did patiently undergo for love of Penelope Primrose.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Muggins,&#8221; said his lordship, &#8220;have you left
+a letter at Neverden within this day or two for
+Mr Darnley?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, my lord,&#8221; replied the carrier.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And did you see Mr Darnley when you delivered the letter?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, yes, my lord, I see Mr Robert himself.
+And please, my lord, I am almost afraid that you
+and I will be found out.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Found out, you rascal! what do you mean?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, I means, my lord, please your lordship,
+that one of them letters as I give your lordship
+is been picked up, and Mr Robert Darnley
+showed it to me and axed whether I knowed
+nothing about it. And he said he&#8217;d kill me if I
+did not tell him, and so I told him that I didn&#8217;t
+know nothing where it come from. And so, my
+lord, I&#8217;m quite afeard to go again to Neverden,
+only I don&#8217;t know what to do just to get a bit of
+bread.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[302]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>At this information the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill was perplexed.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, Muggins, if that is the case,&#8221; said his
+lordship, &#8220;you had better get away.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, my lord, but what will become of me if
+I give up my place?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, leave that to me!&#8221; said his lordship,
+&#8220;and I will take care you shall be no loser.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This was the point to which the crafty one
+wished to bring his right honorable friend. Suffice
+it then to say that Lord Spoonbill, fancying
+that he should place discovery out of the reach
+of probability, made the rogue a very handsome
+present, and gave him letters whereby he might
+find employment in London, which would more
+than compensate for the loss of his place in the
+country.</p>
+
+<p>Then did Lord Spoonbill under cover of night&#8217;s
+darkness find his way to Smatterton castle,
+pleasing himself with the thought that his well-formed
+scheme was now likely to take effect, and
+that Mr Robert Darnley, after the warning of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[303]</a></span>
+anonymous letter, would not be very hasty to
+renew his acquaintance with Miss Primrose. It
+was of course supposed by our readers, and
+intended to be so supposed, that the anonymous
+letter above alluded to was sent, if not by Lord
+Spoonbill himself, at least by his instigation, and
+for the purpose of forwarding his designs. And,
+that the merit of the communication may not be
+ascribed to a wrong personage, it is right to
+inform the world that the writer of the same
+letter was Colonel Crop. By this gallant officer
+Lord Spoonbill was now accompanied to Smatterton
+castle.</p>
+
+<p>Colonel Crop was an excellent travelling companion,
+for he never disturbed the train of his
+fellow-traveller&#8217;s thoughts by any impertinent
+prating. The dexterous economy which the
+colonel exercised over his words and actions was
+quite surprising. He could make a little go a
+great way. If for instance any friend, and many
+such there were, invited the gallant colonel to
+dinner, it would seem that thereby an occupation<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[304]</a></span>
+were afforded him for an hour or two previously
+for the purpose of dressing. But the ingenious time-consumer
+managed to make a whole morning&#8217;s
+work of it. Equally economical was he of words.
+For if his Right Honorable friend Lord Spoonbill
+should talk to him for a whole hour together,
+the colonel would think it quite sufficient to
+reply to the long harangue by simply saying:
+&#8220;&#8217;Pon honor! you don&#8217;t say so.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>With this lively companion did Lord Spoonbill
+journey towards Smatterton; and as his lordship
+wished to be left to his own thoughts, his friend
+was not unwilling to indulge him; and thus did
+the hereditary legislator enjoy the pleasure of
+silently congratulating himself on the dexterity
+with which he had managed this affair; and
+more especially was he delighted at the fortunate
+circumstance of having removed Nick Muggins
+far away from the danger of being tempted or
+terrified into confession of his unfaithfulness.</p>
+
+<p>It did not enter, nor was it likely to enter into
+the mind of Lord Spoonbill, that Nick Muggins<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[305]</a></span>
+had already impeached, and that Robert Darnley
+was in possession of all the facts of the case.
+There was something else also in the transactions
+of that day unknown to and unsuspected
+by his lordship. That other matter to which we
+here allude, was the visit which Robert Darnley
+had paid to Mr and Miss Primrose.</p>
+
+<p>At the close of the preceding chapter we
+related that Mr Darnley and the letter-carrier
+parted after their interview, and we have accompanied
+Nick back to his home, and have narrated
+what took place there. We may now therefore
+return to Robert Darnley, and accompany him
+also in his visit to Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>After he had ascertained from Muggins the
+truth of the matter concerning the suppressed
+letter, he no longer heeded the anonymous communication
+which he had received; and instead
+of passing through the park as he had designed,
+he proceeded immediately to the rectory.</p>
+
+<p>He was most happy in the thought that now
+all doubts and perplexities were removed from<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[306]</a></span>
+his mind, and he was much better able and far
+more willing to believe that Penelope still remained
+pure, honorable, and affectionate, than to
+give credence to the foul calumnies which had
+been circulated concerning her. There are individuals
+in the world of whom it is, ordinarily
+speaking, almost impossible to think ill. Such
+was the character of Penelope Primrose to those
+well acquainted with her. But the elder Mr
+Darnley being a mightily pompous and grand
+sort of man, looked at almost every one from an
+awful distance. Discrimination of character was
+by no means his forte. He thought that the
+whole mass of mankind was divisible into two
+classes, the good and the bad. He considered
+that the good must do as he did, and think as he
+thought; and that the bad were those that opposed
+him. It was his notion that it required only
+a simple volition for the good to become bad and
+for the bad to become good. And when he heard
+that Miss Primrose had transgressed, he forthwith
+believed the tale and renounced her.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[307]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>But to say nothing of the affection which the
+younger Darnley entertained for the lady, and
+the pleasing hopes with which for so long a
+period he had been accustomed to think of her,
+he could not think it possible for a mind like
+hers ever to descend to the meanness with which
+she had been charged. He did think it possible
+that, in consequence of a supposed neglect on his
+part, and by means of ingenious assiduities on
+the part of another, that her regards might be
+transferred from him; but even that he would
+not believe without positive evidence. Many a
+faithful heart had been broken, and many an
+honest man has been hanged, by circumstantial
+evidence.</p>
+
+<p>The meeting of the lovers was silent. They
+might have been previously studying speeches;
+but these were forgotten on both sides. And in
+their silence their looks explained to each other
+how much they had respectively suffered from
+the villany of him who had interrupted their
+correspondence. After a long and silent em<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[308]</a></span>brace,
+and gazing again and again at those
+features which he had so loved to think of at a
+mighty distance, Darnley at length was able to
+speak, and he said: &#8220;And you have not forgotten
+me!&#8221; How cold these words do look on
+paper. But from the living lips which spoke
+them, and from the energetic tenderness with
+which they were uttered, and from the thought
+of that mental suffering and that withering of
+heart which had been occasioned by the fear of
+forgetfulness, and above all from the circumstance
+that these were the first words which
+Penelope had heard from those lips for so long,
+so very long a period, they came to her ear and
+heart with a thrilling power, and awakened her
+from her silent trance to the expression of that
+feeling which had almost subdued her.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Forget!&#8221; she was attempting to echo her
+lover&#8217;s words, but emotion was too strong for the
+utterance of words, and she finished her answer
+by falling on his neck and weeping audibly.</p>
+
+<p>Might it not have done Lord Spoonbill good<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_309" id="Page_309">[309]</a></span>
+to have witnessed this scene? Surely it might
+have taught him how little prospect there was of
+the success of his designs; and he might, had he
+possessed the ordinary feelings of humanity, have
+thought that the coronet must be brilliant indeed
+which could tempt Penelope to renounce her
+lover.</p>
+
+<p>But Lord Spoonbill saw it not, and suspected
+it not; if he had, it certainly would have saved
+him a great deal of trouble.</p>
+
+<p>The lovers, when they did recover themselves
+sufficiently to speak composedly and collectedly,
+had volumes of talk for each other, and Darnley
+was interested and moved by the narrative of
+Penelope&#8217;s excursion to London, and the narrow
+escape which she had from a profession so ill
+adapted to the character and complexion of her
+mind. But in all the conversation Darnley did
+not mention to Penelope the anonymous letter
+which he had that morning received, nor did he
+say a word concerning the confession of the
+letter-carrier. As to the anonymous letter, he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_310" id="Page_310">[310]</a></span>
+would not insult her even by alluding to the
+existence of evil reports; and as to the suppressed
+letters, he feared lest the impetuosity of
+the young lady&#8217;s father might be productive of
+mischief. He thought it at all events most desirable,
+at least so long as they might remain in
+the neighbourhood of Smatterton castle, to let
+Penelope suppose that the loss of the letters was
+accidental.</p>
+
+<p>There may be some persons who think that
+under present circumstances it was the duty of
+Robert Darnley to send Lord Spoonbill a challenge,
+or to bestow upon his lordship that chastisement
+with which Nick Muggins had been
+threatened. That Lord Spoonbill deserved a
+bodily castigation, we will readily concede; but
+as to duelling, we conceive it to be a very silly
+and useless practice, and we are not sorry that
+we are not compelled to relate of the younger
+Darnley that his inclination prompted him to
+adopt that very equivocal mode of demonstrating
+himself to be a gentleman, or man of courage.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_311" id="Page_311">[311]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Very pleasantly passed the two or three hours
+which Robert Darnley allowed himself to spend
+at Smatterton parsonage; very awkwardly passed
+the dinner hour on his return to Neverden parsonage;
+for the Rev. Mr Darnley would not
+speak to his son, and poor Mrs Darnley and
+the young ladies were afraid to speak when the
+rector was silent.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_312" id="Page_312">[312]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">At</span> a late hour in the evening Lord Spoonbill,
+accompanied by his worthy friend Colonel Crop,
+arrived at Smatterton castle. The domestics
+were instructed not to make the arrival public,
+for his lordship was not desirous of being interrupted
+by any invasions of callers. His object
+professed to be the making some arrangements,
+and laying down some plans for alterations and
+improvements.</p>
+
+<p>Colonel Crop was an excellent counsellor. He
+was one of those admirable advisers, whose suggestions
+are always taken, and whose advice is
+always welcome, for he never gave any advice
+except that which was dictated to him by the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_313" id="Page_313">[313]</a></span>
+person whose counsellor he was. He would have
+made an excellent prime minister for any sovereign
+who might not like to be contradicted.
+His reverence for lords was very great, and far
+greater of course would have been his reverence
+for kings. He would no more think of reasoning
+with or contradicting a lord, than a common
+soldier would think of refusing to march or halt
+at the word of his commander.</p>
+
+<p>Now when this worthy couple had finished a
+late dinner, and Colonel Crop had assented to
+and echoed all that Lord Spoonbill had been
+pleased to affirm as touching the excellence or
+the reverse of the various meats and drinks composing
+their dinner, the hereditary legislator
+began the work of consultation.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, Crop, it is a good thing that I have
+sent that rascally letter-carrier away.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Very,&#8221; replied the colonel.</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_314" id="Page_314">[314]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;It would have been quite shocking if he had
+been terrified or bribed out of his secret.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Quite,&#8221; replied the colonel.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Now I have been thinking,&#8221; continued his
+lordship, &#8220;that you may be of great service to
+me in this affair.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You may command me,&#8221; replied the colonel.</p>
+
+<p>That was true enough, and so might any one
+who would feed him. Young men of weak minds
+and vicious habits are very much to be pitied
+when they have such friends and companions as
+Colonel Crop.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You know Miss Primrose by sight, colonel?&#8221;
+said his lordship.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Can&#8217;t say I do,&#8221; replied the colonel; &#8220;I have
+seen her once, but I took very little notice.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I must introduce you then. Now you remember
+the trouble I had with the old ones
+about this affair, and you know that I was fool
+enough, as I told you, to go so far as actually to
+make Miss Primrose an offer of marriage.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The colonel gave his assent to this proposition
+also; for he seemed to think it an act of rude<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_315" id="Page_315">[315]</a></span>ness
+to contradict a lord, even when he called
+himself a fool. And so perhaps it really is; for
+a lord ought to know whether he is a fool or not,
+and he would not say it if he did not believe it;
+and there is also a degree of wisdom in the discovery
+that one has been a fool, for thereby it is
+intimated that the season of folly is over. Whosoever
+therefore actually says that he was a fool
+formerly, virtually says that he is not a fool now.
+So no doubt did the colonel interpret the assertion
+of Lord Spoonbill, and with this interpretation
+he said, &#8220;Exactly so.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But I think now,&#8221; proceeded his lordship,
+&#8220;I may have the young lady on my own terms.
+But the difficulty is how to manage the business
+without alarming her, and perhaps bringing down
+some deadly vengeance from that father of her&#8217;s,
+for he is as fierce as a tiger.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>That which is a difficulty to an hereditary
+legislator and heir to a title and large estate,
+must of course be a difficulty also to a half-pay<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_316" id="Page_316">[316]</a></span>
+colonel, who loves to depend upon occasional
+dinners, and, like a hospital, to be supported by
+voluntary contributions. Therefore the colonel
+said:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay, that is the difficulty.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;If by any means we could contrive to get
+the father out of the way, we might perhaps
+get rid of some obstacle. Crop, can you hit
+upon any scheme to separate them?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Can&#8217;t, &#8217;pon honor,&#8221; replied the colonel, who
+probably thought that it was not becoming in
+him to be more ingenious than his feeder. The
+colonel indeed was willing to do whatever he
+might be bid, to say whatever might be put into
+his mouth, to write whatever might be dictated
+to him, and to go wherever he might be sent.
+But he was by no means a self-acting machine.
+He would do anything for any body, but he
+required to be told explicitly what to do.</p>
+
+<p>After a pause of some minutes, Lord Spoonbill
+observed; &#8220;Perhaps some use might be made<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_317" id="Page_317">[317]</a></span>
+of the stoppage of Mr Primrose&#8217;s banker. I
+forget the name; have you any recollection
+of it?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Can&#8217;t say I have, &#8217;pon honor;&#8221; replied the
+colonel.</p>
+
+<p>To proceed much farther in narrating this
+lively dialogue which took place between the
+Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill and Colonel
+Crop, as to the most likely means of forwarding
+the designs which his lordship meditated against
+Miss Primrose, would contribute more to the
+reader&#8217;s weariness than to his amusement or
+edification. It will be enough in the present
+state of affairs to say, that this notable colloquy
+terminated in the determination on the part of
+his lordship to take no immediate steps in the
+affair till he had ascertained what effect the
+anonymous letter had produced upon Robert
+Darnley. For this purpose, Colonel Crop might
+render himself useful. Instructions were therefore
+given him accordingly, and he was ordered<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_318" id="Page_318">[318]</a></span>
+to ride over to Neverden Hall, where he might
+be most likely to gain some information.</p>
+
+<p>Early therefore, on the following morning, the
+gallant colonel found his way to the mansion
+of the worthy baronet and able magistrate, Sir
+George Aimwell. The unpaid one was mightily
+well pleased at the visit, and he shook the hand
+of the half-paid one till his fingers ached.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, Colonel, I am glad to see you. So
+you are tired of the gaieties of London already,
+and you are coming to relieve our dullness in
+the country. How are our noble neighbours?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Quite well, I thank you,&#8221; replied the
+colonel, who felt himself one of great importance
+in being able to speak so readily and assuredly
+concerning nobility.</p>
+
+<p>And here we will take the opportunity, and a
+very fit one it is, of observing on a very curious
+fact, namely, that the reverence for nobility and
+high rank is not felt so acutely and powerfully
+by simple and unmixed plebeians, as it is by<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_319" id="Page_319">[319]</a></span>
+those who have some remote affinity to nobility,
+or who fancy themselves to be a shadow or two
+of a caste above the mere plebeian. Colonel
+Crop was not of noble family, but he was the
+last of a mighty puissant race of insignificant
+attenuated gentry in a country town; and as
+nobility was a scarce article in the neighbourhood
+where he was born and brought up, he
+was mightily proud of his intimacy with the
+noble family of the Spoonbills. But to proceed.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Now, colonel, as you are here,&#8221; said the
+worthy baronet, &#8220;I hope you will stay and
+spend the day with me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>We are always popping in our remarks upon
+everything that is done and said; and here again
+we cannot help remarking that Sir George Aimwell
+might have had the grace to say &#8220;with us,&#8221;
+as well as &#8220;with me;&#8221; but he thought so much
+of his own magisterial self, that he had no consideration
+of any one else.</p>
+
+<p>To the invitation thus given the gallant
+colonel scarcely knew what to say, for his com<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_320" id="Page_320">[320]</a></span>mission,
+though very definite as to purpose, was
+not definite as to time. Now the colonel, though
+a man of family, was somewhat obtuse, and by
+some people would have been called stupid;
+and he scarcely knew whether or not he should
+communicate to the amiable magistrate at
+Neverden Hall, the fact of Lord Spoonbill&#8217;s
+incognito presence at Smatterton castle. And as
+it was not possible for him to send back to the
+castle for further orders, he thought that the
+most prudent step that he could take would be
+to leave the matter of dining undecided, and go
+back in person to Smatterton for full directions.</p>
+
+<p>He gave therefore an undecided answer to
+the baronet&#8217;s invitation, saying that he had some
+&#8220;little matters&#8221; to attend to at Smatterton, and
+that, if he possibly could return to Neverden in
+the evening, he should be most happy to take his
+dinner with the worthy baronet.</p>
+
+<p>Back therefore to Smatterton trotted the convenient
+colonel, in order to report progress and
+ask leave to sit at the baronet&#8217;s table. Now we<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_321" id="Page_321">[321]</a></span>
+&#8220;guess&#8221; that some of our readers are sneering
+most contemptuously at this convenient colonel,
+and admiring the placid facility with which
+he is moved about from place to place at
+the nod of an hereditary legislator, and obeying
+all the commands of a tadpole senator. Yet
+why should any one think that he is unworthily
+or degradingly employed. Only let us
+imagine for a moment that the Right Honorable
+Lord Spoonbill is a most gracious, or a
+most Christian majesty, and that his negociations
+are for precisely the same purpose as they
+are at present; or that from negociations of this
+nature there may have arisen between two
+mighty and puissant nations a just and necessary
+war&mdash;such things have been&mdash;then would the
+said Colonel Crop, in his capacity of negociator,
+be regarded with profound admiration by all his
+majesty&#8217;s most faithful and loyal subjects; and
+morning and evening papers would be proud of
+putting forth second editions to immortalize his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_322" id="Page_322">[322]</a></span>
+diplomatic movements. But, as it is, ours is the
+only record of these matters.</p>
+
+<p>When Colonel Crop therefore returned to
+Smatterton castle, and informed his right honorable
+employer of what had passed at Neverden,
+Lord Spoonbill thought, though he did not say,
+that Colonel Crop was a great booby.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, colonel,&#8221; said his lordship, &#8220;by all
+means go back and take your dinner with Sir
+George; you may find out something about
+Darnley; I am in no hurry for your return, only
+let me know all that you can collect concerning
+this young lady; and above all endeavour to
+find out whether Mr Robert Darnley is spoken
+of as her future husband, or whether the acquaintance
+between them is broken off. That
+is all I wish to ascertain at present. I shall
+then know how to act. For don&#8217;t you see that,
+if Darnley keeps at a distance in consequence
+of the present reports, I am more likely to have
+her on my own terms. There is no heart so easy
+to win as that of a disappointed lover.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_323" id="Page_323">[323]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>With his instructions back went the colonel
+to Neverden. And as we have not the opportunity
+of giving verbal or senatorial advice to
+mighty and puissant princes, we will here do all
+we can for the good of our country, and of all
+countries into the language of which this history
+may be translated, by advising and most earnestly
+recommending that blockheads, however
+valorous or gallant, like our friend Colonel Crop,
+be not employed in diplomatic offices. There is
+a very great difference between the vigorous arm
+that can break a man&#8217;s head, and the ingenious
+dexterity which can bend a man&#8217;s heart. And,
+generally speaking, those people can have but
+little regard for brains, whose business it is to
+knock them out.</p>
+
+<p>For want of a dexterous diplomatist, Lord
+Spoonbill, as we shall see hereafter, was exposed
+to great inconvenience, and suffered mighty and
+serious disappointment.</p>
+
+<p>Colonel Crop was not sorry that leave was
+granted him to dine at Sir George Aimwell&#8217;s.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_324" id="Page_324">[324]</a></span>
+For the baronet had an excellent cook, and the
+cook had an excellent place, and few are the
+instances in which there exists so good an understanding
+between master and servant, as in
+the present case there did between the worthy
+magistrate and his as worthy cook.</p>
+
+<p>Whether Colonel Crop did or did not possess
+the organ of hope strongly developed in his
+skull, we cannot tell, for the gallant colonel has
+not yet been hanged; if he had, we might have
+found any organs we pleased; but we may suppose
+that he had the organ of anticipativeness,
+for his thoughts dwelt so seriously and intently
+upon the good dinner that he was likely to
+enjoy at Sir George Aimwell&#8217;s table, that he did
+actually and truly forget a great part of his
+errand. Oh, how selfish is mortal man!</p>
+
+<p>The colonel, however, with all his propensity
+to oblivion, had sufficient memory to recollect
+that his business was to ascertain whether Mr
+Darnley, son of the rector of Neverden, still continued
+his acquaintance with a young lady or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_325" id="Page_325">[325]</a></span>
+not. At the table of Sir George Aimwell there
+was introduced a young lady, Miss Glossop.
+The name of Glossop bears no very marked
+affinity to that of Primrose, but by some strange
+fatality or fatuity, the gallant colonel confounded
+them. The young lady, by a certain dashing
+style of behaviour, passed off with the colonel
+as a remarkably fine young woman; and when
+Sir George Aimwell spoke banteringly to her
+concerning Robert Darnley, then the gallant
+negociator was sure that this was the lady in
+question.</p>
+
+<p>There was a still farther corroboration in the
+circumstance that this lady was gifted with
+remarkable vocal powers. The colonel was no
+great judge of music, but he could see that she
+played very rapidly, and he could hear that she
+sung very loud; and therefore he entertained the
+same notion of her musical talents which she
+herself did.</p>
+
+<p>The musical exhibition took place after tea.
+Lady Aimwell cared little about music or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_326" id="Page_326">[326]</a></span>
+anything else, and in the presence of her husband&#8217;s
+visitors she generally shewed her dignity
+by looking sulky. But Colonel Crop was
+so vastly polite, that her ladyship was generally
+more civil and courteous to him than to any
+other guests who were attracted to Neverden
+Hall by the fame of the baronet&#8217;s cook.</p>
+
+<p>And while Miss Glossop was amusing herself
+with melodious vociferations, and singing and
+playing so loud that the poor magistrate could
+hardly keep his eyes shut, Colonel Crop and
+Lady Aimwell were engaged in a whispering or
+muttering conversation, all about nothing at all.
+They both agreed that it was remarkable weather,
+neither of them had remembered it so mild
+for many years. Lady Aimwell was very well
+pleased to hear Colonel Crop&#8217;s common-place
+nothings which he had brought from London,
+and her ladyship related all that had taken place
+at Neverden since the colonel was there last.</p>
+
+<p>Her ladyship was not especially partial to
+Miss Glossop. There was some little jealousy<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_327" id="Page_327">[327]</a></span>
+in the heart of Lady Aimwell that this stranger,
+as it were, should occupy so much of the baronet&#8217;s
+attention. Disagreeable people are generally
+the most jealous. Her ladyship noticed the
+music.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I wonder,&#8221; muttered the fretful one to
+Colonel Crop, &#8220;that Sir George can bear to hear
+such a constant noise. I am sure he knows
+nothing of music. There is a great deal of talk
+about her fine voice and her rapid execution;
+her voice sounds to my ear very much like the
+voice of a peacock.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Saying this her ladyship smiled, because it
+was almost witty, and the colonel also smiled,
+for he too thought it was witty.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But I beg your pardon, colonel,&#8221; said her
+ladyship; &#8220;perhaps you may be partial to
+music?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;By no means,&#8221; replied the colonel, &#8220;and I
+was not aware that Sir George was partial to it.
+Our friends at the castle are very musical.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It was pleasant for the colonel to be able to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_328" id="Page_328">[328]</a></span>
+talk about our friends at the castle; but Lady
+Aimwell, though not very ambitious of publicity
+in the gay world, was rather jealous of the
+Smatterton great ones, and thought herself
+treated with too much haughtiness and distance
+by the Earl and Countess.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I wish that all that noise and affectation
+were at the castle, instead of tormenting me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Thus spoke Lady Aimwell. Now, thought
+Colonel Crop, there was a fine opportunity for
+introducing his diplomacy; and for that purpose
+the gallant negociator said, in a very knowing
+accent:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But I think I have heard that this young
+lady is likely to give her hand to a Mr &mdash;&mdash;
+Mr &mdash;&mdash; bless me, I forget names.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Do you mean Mr Darnley,&#8221; said her ladyship,
+&#8220;the son of our rector?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, yes,&#8221; replied the colonel,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_329" id="Page_329">[329]</a></span> &#8220;I believe
+that is the name; Darnley, Darnley, ay, ay,
+that is the name. This lady is going to be married
+to Mr Darnley, I have heard.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh no!&#8221; replied her ladyship, &#8220;I don&#8217;t
+believe it. I can hardly think it probable. Indeed&mdash;but
+I hope it will go no further&#8221;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Here her ladyship spoke in a still lower key
+and more subdued tone, and the gallant colonel
+listened with profound attention, and with great
+delight did he hear her ladyship thus speak:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;There has, I believe, been some talk about
+such an affair, and Robert Darnley has met her
+here once or twice. But the truth is, he seems
+to know her character and disposition too well.
+And if there were any such thoughts on his part,
+I am sure he has given up all such idea by this
+time. Indeed, I do not think that there ever was
+much regard on either side.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This was grand intelligence for the colonel.
+He felt himself mightily important. He soon
+ceased the conversation, and took his leave of
+the family at Neverden Hall, and he reported
+all that he had heard and seen according to the
+best of his ability.</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_330" id="Page_330">[330]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;Well, my lord, I have seen your Arabella.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Penelope, you mean;&#8221; interrupted his lordship.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay, ay, Penelope; bless me, how soon I
+forget names. So I have seen her and heard
+her.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;She plays and sings delightfully,&#8221; said Lord
+Spoonbill.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Wonderfully,&#8221; replied the colonel, who was
+more than usually eloquent in consequence of
+the good success of his diplomacy: &#8220;to be sure
+I do not understand music, but I never saw so
+rapid an execution in my life.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But,&#8221; interrupted his impatient lordship,
+&#8220;did you hear anything about that Darnley?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes,&#8221; replied the colonel, with mighty pomp
+and energy of manner. &#8220;Lady Aimwell told me,
+in confidence, that Darnley knew her character
+too well to think of marrying her. These were
+her ladyship&#8217;s own words.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Now, Crop, you have done me a service
+indeed. Now I think the day is our own.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>When the good friends parted for the night,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_331" id="Page_331">[331]</a></span>
+his delighted lordship was so occupied with his
+own sweet thoughts that he was quite intoxicated
+with joy. He would, had he been able, have
+sung a <i>Te Deum</i>; and it would be very well if
+<i>Te Deum</i> had never been sung on occasions quite
+as unworthy as, if not infinitely more so than
+the present.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p class="frontispiece p6">END OF THE SECOND VOLUME.</p>
+
+<p class="frontispiece p6 b4">
+LONDON:<br />
+<span class="small">PRINTED BY C. H. REYNELL, BROAD STREET, GOLDEN SQUARE.</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<div class="tnote"><p class="center">TRANSCRIBER&rsquo;S NOTES.</p>
+
+<p class="center">Original spelling has been retained, unless it&rsquo;s clearly a printer&rsquo;s error.</p>
+
+<p class="center">The following corrections have been made in the text:</p>
+
+<div class="left">
+<table summary="Corrections">
+
+<tr><th><b>Page</b></th><th><b>Original text</b></th><th><b>Corrected text</b></th></tr>
+<tr><td class="w20"><a href="#Page_34">34</a></td><td class="w40">Smattertno</td><td class="w40">Smatterton</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="w20"><a href="#Page_59">59</a></td><td class="w40">too verturn</td><td class="w40">to overturn</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="w20"><a href="#Page_111">111</a></td><td class="w40">gird</td><td class="w40">girl</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="w20"><a href="#Page_231">231</a></td><td class="w40">enoug</td><td class="w40">enough</td></tr>
+</table></div></div>
+
+<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44159 ***</div>
+</body>
+</html>
+
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+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
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+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #44159 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/44159)
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Penelope: or, Love's Labour Lost,  Vol. 2
+(of 3), by William Pitt Scargill
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Penelope: or, Love's Labour Lost,  Vol. 2 (of 3)
+
+Author: William Pitt Scargill
+
+Release Date: November 11, 2013 [EBook #44159]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PENELOPE: OR, LOVE'S LABOUR ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Heather Clark, Joke Van Dorst and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
+file was produced from images generously made available
+by The Internet Archive)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+PENELOPE:
+
+OR,
+
+LOVE'S LABOUR LOST.
+
+A NOVEL.
+
+IN THREE VOLUMES.
+
+
+II.
+
+
+  LONDON:
+  PRINTED FOR HUNT AND CLARKE,
+  YORK STREET, COVENT GARDEN.
+
+
+  1828.
+
+
+  LONDON:
+  PRINTED BY C. H. REYNELL, BROAD STREET, GOLDEN SQUARE.
+
+
+  PENELOPE:
+  OR,
+  LOVE'S LABOUR LOST.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+Lord Spoonbill was not less disappointed than the Countess of
+Smatterton, to hear that Penelope was in daily expectation of seeing
+her father. Hereditary legislators are sometimes perplexed, and in
+the present case the son of the Earl of Smatterton was in a state of
+grievous doubt and agitation.
+
+His object in the first instance had been to take Penelope under his
+protection, and he supposed that if the correspondence between her
+and Robert Darnley could be broken off, there would be very little
+difficulty in inducing her to comply with his proposals. For it was
+his intention to make a most liberal settlement and to place her in
+a very handsome establishment. Living as he had always in splendour,
+and enjoying the luxuries and ostentation of wealth, though accustomed
+to them from his birth, he thought, that to one educated in such
+humble obscurity as Penelope had been, these fascinations would be
+irresistible. During the short time that he had been under the same
+roof with her, he had seen and observed more of the character of her
+mind, and he felt that it was not personal beauty alone that she
+possessed, but that her disposition was kind and her temper beautiful;
+and therefore he loved her with a much purer regard than ever he had
+before entertained for any one of the sex. He loved her so much, in
+fact, that he absolutely regretted that her rank in life was not nearer
+to his own.
+
+It now also occurred to him, from what he had heard in the autumn,
+that it was very probable that Robert Darnley might be in England, and
+that through the intervention of Mr Primrose some explanation might
+bring the parties together again, and thus his lordship's hopes would
+be disappointed and his schemes frustrated. Then there came into his
+lordship's mind the thought of the intercepted letters, and with that
+thought the fear that a discovery might be made as to the manner in
+which, and the person by whom, they had been intercepted. But that fear
+was transient, for his lordship confidently said to himself, "It is
+absolutely impossible that Nick Muggins should betray me." What could
+his lordship be thinking about when he uttered this soliloquy? Did the
+Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill think that the principle of honor was
+stronger in the mind of Nick Muggins, the Smatterton post-boy, than it
+was in his own Right Honorable self? Wherein, did his lordship imagine,
+consisted the essential superiority of the high born above the sons of
+the peasantry? Did his lordship imagine that the only difference was in
+titles and soft white hands? It is not for us to know what lords may
+think, it is enough for us to gaze with wonderment on what they do.
+
+Present circumstances and present feelings compelled Lord Spoonbill to
+enter into serious deliberation with himself as to what step he should
+pursue. He could not for a moment admit the possibility of making an
+honorable offer of his hand to the young lady; such a proposal would
+have been the death of the Earl of Smatterton. That offer, which his
+lordship gravely called the other proposal, required a little more
+circumlocution and management; for his lordship was not quite so simple
+as not to be aware that, if making the first proposal was condescension
+on his part, accepting the latter would be condescension on the part
+of the lady. There was required for this purpose a tolerably strong
+attachment to his lordship, which might not yet exist in the lady's
+mind. And though Lord Spoonbill was not by any means a man of great
+understanding or extraordinary penetration, yet in those matters in
+which he was most conversant he was not altogether unskilful. In
+pursuits of a similar nature to the present, his lordship was by no
+means inexpert; but, in the present instance, he knew that the person
+in question was gifted with mental powers superior to those which
+had belonged to his previous victims, and his own regard for her was
+somewhat more tender and respectful.
+
+These considerations on the one hand told his lordship that success
+would be endangered by precipitancy, while the fact that Mr Primrose,
+in the course of a day or two, would make his appearance, rendered it
+necessary that some immediate steps should be taken. It is a great pity
+that hereditary legislators, who are born to govern a nation, should
+in any case be incapable of legislating for themselves. Such a case
+now occurred. Lord Spoonbill thought of calling to his aid the counsel
+of a friend. For this purpose he forthwith ordered his horse for a
+morning ride; and, after an unmercifully rapid gallop of ten miles, he
+dismounted at the door of one of the prettiest little cottages within
+twenty miles of London.
+
+This cottage was almost secluded from the sight of the world, but was
+yet within reach of life's gaieties and luxuries. Its secludedness was
+owing partly to the immensely thick plantations by which it was hidden
+from the road, and partly to the narrow and almost imperceptible lane
+which led to it. The external appearance of the plantation was rugged
+and uncultivated and neglected; and this appearance was, on the part of
+the owner and occupier of the place, cunningly intentional. He was a
+man who loved seclusion, but who loved the world; but the world which
+he loved was not the miscellaneous world of promiscuous humanity; it
+was only the world of select and superfastidious fashion, of graceful
+gaiety and refined voluptuousness. He loved society not as society, but
+as the means of more intense and effective sensual gratification. Our
+readers, we trust, will excuse and accompany us if we describe with
+very particular minuteness this very singular character. He belonged
+not to any class, or tribe, or general description of men; for if he
+had, a few words of outline would suffice to state the class to which
+he belonged, and imagination or observation might supply the rest. But
+he was a perfect unique.
+
+His personal appearance was striking, though not marked by any
+decided or obvious singularity. He was tall and well formed, finely
+proportioned and of graceful carriage. The top of his head was entirely
+and shiningly bald; his complexion was fair, and there was for the most
+part a look of good humour and easy gaiety in his countenance; but an
+attentive observer might occasionally perceive a transient cloudiness
+that looked like disappointment, and there were also visible traces
+of slight asperity and symptoms of sneer and contemptuousness. In
+his dress he was fastidiously accurate and expensively splendid. He
+regarded fashion no farther than as it gave him an opportunity of
+exhibiting himself to the greatest possible advantage.
+
+Of the qualities of his mind it is difficult to speak intelligibly.
+He was intellectual, though sensual; his reading was remarkably
+limited, and his knowledge as remarkably extensive. He had received
+the rudiments of his education at Westminster, and had finished his
+studies at Cambridge, at which place he had become acquainted with Lord
+Spoonbill. But, notwithstanding all the opportunities which had been
+afforded him, he had not made what is called progress in literature. He
+was perfect in no species of knowledge or science which is derivable
+from books. He had learned Greek, Latin, French, Italian and German,
+but he was familiar with none of them. He had slightly attended to the
+exact sciences, but he had forgotten of them everything but their
+existence. He had read ancient and modern history; his recollection
+of them was little, but clear, and when he had any occasion to speak
+of any of their facts or their philosophies, he generally spoke with
+accuracy, and thereby acquired a reputation, which he had no wish or
+ambition to acquire, of being a well read man. Few people speak Greek
+or Latin, and therefore our gentleman, not being examined, passed
+for a scholar. Everybody who pretends to any degree of refinement or
+fashion, interslops his own native language with an ungrammatical nasal
+blattering, called quoting French; and our gentleman had picked up
+enough of that affected trumpery to pass well in the society which he
+occasionally frequented. With how small a portion of real literature
+and actual knowledge a man may pass muster in society, is only known to
+those who love the reputation of scholarship better than its toils.
+
+The gentleman of whom we are speaking was too politic to trouble
+himself about politics. His politics, if the theory of such an
+indolent one may be called by that name, were Ascendancy politics.
+Those are the best subjects who never trouble their heads about
+politics: if we were king we should always encourage and patronize such
+people. The tame negroes in the West India islands do not trouble their
+heads about politics, nor do the subjects of the Emperor of Morocco, or
+the King of Persia, for if they did, their heads would soon cease to
+trouble them. The people of the United States do trouble their heads,
+but the time may come when there may be in that part of the world a
+great multitude who will not trouble their heads about politics; it
+will then be a much pleasanter thing to be king of America than it
+would now. But while we say that our gentleman was indifferent to
+politics, and therefore a good subject, we by no means wish it to be
+understood that he was a Tory, for Tories do trouble their heads about
+politics, and trouble other people's heads too.
+
+This person eschewed partisanship, because it would give him trouble
+to belong to a party. His principle was to possess and enjoy animally
+every luxury within his reach; but at the same time to avoid those
+excesses which are palpably and obviously ruinous to the constitution.
+He had made the experiment for very few years, but he began to find
+thus early that the experiment was not likely to succeed. For want of
+exertion and activity the keenness of his relish had already begun to
+abate; and by carefully extracting the bitter ingredients from life's
+cup and casting them away, he found that its sweets were sickening and
+saturating. Whatever was annoying to mind or body, he endeavoured,
+and in most cases successfully, to avoid. But there was gradually and
+surely coming upon him the bitterest of all annoyances; that kind of
+mental suffering which is only describable in the language of paradox,
+and which we will set down for the purpose of giving the purblind
+puppies of criticism something to yelp at. He was then beginning to
+feel the bitterness of sweetness, the darkness of light, the discord
+of harmony, the solitude of society, the weariness of rest, the
+deformity of beauty; but he knew not how and from whence this annoyance
+was coming upon him. He had felt that sensibility was painful, and he
+had suppressed or neutralized it; he avoided the sight or thought of
+suffering, for he felt that sympathy with pain was painful. He had not
+exercised the powers of his mind, lest that exercise should interfere
+with that system of luxurious enjoyment which he had adopted. He had
+despised and derided the moral feeling, and had studiously guarded
+himself against all reproofs which conscience might administer to him.
+But with all this care he experienced feelings far more oppressive than
+those against which he guarded.
+
+Now the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill was also a man of no mental
+exertion, but he was a man of no mental power; he also was sensual,
+but his was not a deliberate and studied sensuality, it was purely
+animal and instinctive. He was an Epicurean, but not an Epicurean
+philosopher. At Cambridge he had been acquainted with this Mr
+Erpingham, and he had admired the dextrous sophistry by which this
+gentleman had proved the worse to be the better cause. Mr Erpingham
+had also been proud of the acquaintance with nobility, though Lord
+Spoonbill was a younger man than he. And they had become the confidents
+and companions of each others profligacies.
+
+In a difficulty therefore of that kind to which we have above alluded,
+it is not to be wondered at that his lordship should enter into
+consultation, or at least into conversation, concerning the subject
+with his good friend Erpingham.
+
+We would not, however, have our readers imagine that Lord Spoonbill was
+quite such a ninny as to make it the subject of deliberate consultation
+and express enquiry, to learn what he ought to do on the present
+occasion; he merely meant to make a call upon his friend, and he was
+prompted to make that call by the circumstances in which he was then
+placed with regard to Penelope Primrose. His object was to talk the
+matter over, and he certainly could not have selected a properer person
+to take part in such conversation.
+
+The two friends had not met for some time; the interview was agreeable
+therefore to both parties; for they had a great mutual respect for each
+other: Lord Spoonbill admired Mr Erpingham's talents, and Mr Erpingham
+had a high respect for Lord Spoonbill's title and high connexions.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+Lord Spoonbill was ushered into an apartment, the air of which was warm
+and fragrant: the warmth came from Newcastle, and the fragrancy from
+Bond street. At first entering the room his lordship saw not any one to
+whom his name could have been announced. The servant who had opened the
+door for him closed it immediately behind him, and he seemed to be in
+an empty apartment. By an instinct natural to an Englishman he advanced
+towards the fire-place, and there he presently saw on a sofa, the back
+of which was towards the door, his friend Erpingham reclining at full
+length, and having before him an open volume placed on a low table,
+which had been constructed and adapted for reading on a sofa. This was
+what Erpingham called "reading made easy."
+
+His lordship expressed by his looks some surprise that his friend
+should not rise from the sofa, and said, "Erpingham! are you unwell?"
+
+"Ah! Spoonbill, is it you? Excuse my not rising to receive you; but the
+fact is, I have been trying for the last hour and a half to get into an
+easy position, and I have but just accomplished it, and if I move now
+I shall not be able to recover the position, and you know how wretched
+that sensation is. Well, how are the old materials?"
+
+This last question referred to the health of the Earl and Countess of
+Smatterton; and it was a phrase which Erpingham had learned from Lord
+Spoonbill himself.
+
+To this question Lord Spoonbill made the regular response, and
+continued, "How is it, Erpingham, that I never have the pleasure of
+seeing you unless I ride over to you?"
+
+"Can't say," was the careless reply: "but," continued the
+Epicurean, "I am not partial to mixed company. Now your house in town
+is too multitudinous for me.--But my Clarissa tells me that the Countess
+of Smatterton is going to astonish the whole world by introducing a new
+first-rate voice."
+
+For explanation, it may be enough to inform the reader that Clarissa
+held the same place in Mr Erpingham's establishment as Lord Spoonbill
+wished Penelope to hold in his. His lordship therefore was not sorry
+that the subject should be thus introduced, and he replied:
+
+"Exactly so. But we have our doubts whether the lady will, under
+present circumstances, assent to the arrangement: for when she came
+to London, it was as an orphan, but now her father has returned from
+India after a long, and, I suppose, a profitable absence. Mr Primrose,
+the father, is now on his way from Smatterton, and he has said in his
+letter to his daughter, that he is about to place her in a home of his
+own. So I fear we shall lose this star."
+
+Mr Erpingham did not lay anything very much to heart, and therefore
+he did not express any serious lamentation on this probable loss. He
+directed his remarks to other matters; and among other questions which
+he asked of Lord Spoonbill, alluding to the circumstances and events of
+his lordship's life, he enquired: "And have you got rid of your dear
+little Ellen at last? You had a great deal of trouble with her, I think
+you told me some time ago."
+
+Lord Spoonbill was quite as profligate as his elegant friend, but he
+had not so successfully and completely neutralized all his feelings.
+Though his profligacy therefore was coarser than that of Erpingham,
+and though his lordship was not over gifted with sensibility, yet he
+was not so entirely and systematically heartless. To this question
+concerning poor Ellen he shook his head, and said:
+
+"Why, yes; I was sorry for the poor thing too: she was very much in
+love with me at one time, I really believe."
+
+"Ay," replied Erpingham, "that was bad. It is quite annoying to have
+a woman in love with one. I could not endure it. I make it a rule
+never to encourage anything of the kind. You were too much addicted
+to sentimentality when you were at Cambridge. I suspect now that you
+are more than half in love with this Miss Primrose. Is she pretty and
+silly?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill frowned at the question, and did not answer it.
+
+"Oh, well," replied his friend, "I have no wish to be in your
+confidence. Pray don't tell me any more of your secrets than you wish
+me to know. And if you are going to talk as much nonsense to me about
+Miss Primrose as you did two years ago about your 'dear little Ellen,'
+I must beg to be excused. Positively, Spoonbill, I have grown quite
+nervous of late."
+
+"I think," replied his lordship, "you have grown quite provoking. I
+have no intention of boring your ears with any sentimentality, as you
+are pleased to call it."
+
+This being uttered in a petulant tone, and Erpingham not liking to
+take the trouble of replying in the same tone, contented himself with
+indolently saying:
+
+"Well, well, don't be angry. Say what you please. I will bear it very
+patiently."
+
+Lord Spoonbill having but little time to spare, and being very desirous
+of unburthening his mind to his friend, suffered this kind of careless
+half-apology to extract from him the secret of his attachment to
+Penelope. Erpingham listened as attentively as he could to the story,
+and when it was finished he yawned out, "Ah! sure! But what assistance
+can I give you?"
+
+It was not very easy to answer that question. His lordship was more
+disposed indeed to ask questions than answer them, and therefore,
+instead of replying to the question of his friend, he said: "Now what
+would you advise me to do?"
+
+"Make her an offer of a handsome establishment. I suppose she is
+violently in love with you."
+
+"I cannot be quite sure of that," replied his lordship; "but I
+believe I am not quite disagreeable to her."
+
+"There is something in that," replied Erpingham; "but not much.
+According to your account of this Miss Primrose, it should seem
+that she is of a good family, and perhaps the arrangement that you
+contemplate would not be acceded to."
+
+"That," answered his lordship, "is what I most fear; and I will
+acknowledge to you that I am so far in love, that rather than lose her
+I would actually marry her."
+
+"Marry her," exclaimed the Epicurean; "marry her! Impossible!"
+Saying this, Erpingham roused himself from his indolent lounging
+posture, and with much greater energy than he was accustomed to use, he
+said: "Spoonbill, I am not much in the habit of either giving or
+taking advice, but I will for once so far advise you as to say, that if
+you contemplate marrying Miss Primrose, you must not on any account
+whatever make her any other offer."
+
+"Why so?" replied his booby lordship, with a stare of awkward
+astonishment.
+
+"Why so!" echoed his friend; "because, if the young lady has a proper
+sense of her own dignity, she will not accept an offer of marriage from
+one who has made her an offer of another description; and if she has
+not that sense of dignity, but merely makes a profitable market of your
+passion for her, she will despise you for a fond fool, and you, when
+your fondness is over, will look upon her as a cunning, artful baggage.
+I know nothing about Miss Primrose; but I am very sure that no woman
+is fit to be a wife who could ever forgive a proposal of a different
+description."
+
+The sagacious hereditary legislator could not understand this logic,
+and he stared at his friend as if he thought that he was crazy. "Bless
+my soul, Erpingham," at length he said, "what nonsense you are talking.
+I really cannot understand you. What can be more natural and regular
+than to offer her marriage, if she will not accept me on any other
+terms. You talk about hating sentimentality; I am sure you are now
+talking as much sentimentality as any one need wish to hear."
+
+Erpingham had exerted himself so much by the two last speeches which
+he had made, as not to wish to continue the discussion, or to undergo
+any more blundering interrogations from his noble friend; he therefore
+began to resume his indolent attitude, and said, "Well, do as you like
+best, Spoonbill, only remember I did not refuse my advice when you
+asked it. Will you stop now and take your dinner with me?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill was not any more disposed than his friend to carry on
+the discourse, and therefore declined the invitation to dine, and made
+the best of his way home again. As he rode homewards he attempted to
+think, but he found no small difficulty in that mental operation. There
+are some advertising schoolmasters who profess to teach their pupils to
+think; but as we were not educated in one of these thought-mongering
+seminaries, we cannot think how thinking can be taught. It may be
+possible, for the only impossibility in these days is to decide à
+priori that anything is impossible. But we do verily believe that,
+had Lord Spoonbill been at one of these establishments, he would have
+puzzled his preceptor as much as his preceptor would have puzzled him.
+
+By the time that his lordship had arrived at home he had come to
+the conclusion of his thinking, and the result was, that he thought
+Erpingham to be quite an altered man; and he also thought that he would
+not follow the ridiculous advice which his friend had given him.
+
+Penelope made her appearance at dinner, and looked, as Lord Spoonbill
+said, most divinely. How Lord Spoonbill should know what divine
+looks are, we cannot tell: perhaps he meant that Penelope looked
+like a parson. However Penelope might look at dinner, it is very
+certain that Lord Spoonbill looked very much at Penelope. But the
+young lady's thoughts were so pleasingly and agreeably engaged, and
+her anticipations were so delightful, that everybody and everything
+appeared agreeable to her. It was very different with the Countess of
+Smatterton. Her anticipations were not very pleasant: her ladyship
+apprehended that the return of Mr Primrose to England would be
+the destruction of her prospects, as far as they related to Miss
+Primrose. Having already observed that the young lady had manifested
+some reluctance to the public exhibition of her musical talents, the
+Countess very naturally supposed that Mr Primrose would indulge an only
+child in whatever fancy she might take up.
+
+It was unfortunate also for the Countess, that she could not easily
+suppress her feelings of displeasure or dissatisfaction when any
+of her favourite fancies were disappointed. Having already so far
+committed herself among her rival prodigy-fanciers as to make a kind
+of preliminary exhibition of her newly discovered wonder, her ladyship
+felt that it would be very mortifying indeed to make her appearance
+in town without fulfilling the high promises which she had made, and
+gratifying the expectations which she had raised.
+
+It is mortifying to spend money for nothing; but it is infinitely more
+mortifying to be at the expense of a prodigious deal of condescension
+to answer at last no good or self-gratifying end. This was the loss
+and the mortification which the Countess of Smatterton now suffered,
+or at least anticipated. Instead therefore of the usual courteous
+manner which her ladyship had hitherto manifested towards the niece
+of the late rector of Smatterton, there was coldness, haughtiness,
+and silence. The Earl of Smatterton had not so quick a perception as
+the Countess, and he had not anticipated any disappointment in the
+return of Penelope's father to England. His lordship still continued to
+sport the condescensions, and he did not take any notice whatever of
+her ladyship's fit of ill-humour. When stupid men are henpecked they
+often receive more pity than they need, for they are very frequently
+insensible to many of the ill-humours of their mates.
+
+Now, as the Countess was silent, an opportunity was offered for his
+lordship to talk. Happy would it be if all married people would talk
+only one at a time.
+
+"And so, Miss Primrose," thus spake the Earl of Smatterton, "I find
+that you expect shortly to see your father. It is a long while, I
+think, since you have seen him?"
+
+"It is sixteen years, my lord," answered Penelope.
+
+"Sixteen years!" repeated his lordship: "you will hardly recollect
+him. The meeting, I dare say, will be very interesting. And may I ask,
+what time in the day you expect your father?"
+
+"I fear it will be late in the day, my lord, for my father will not
+arrive in London till twelve or one o'clock. His letter tells me that
+he will call soon after that time at your lordship's house in town,
+where he supposes I now am."
+
+"He will be disappointed at not finding you in town," said Lord
+Smatterton.
+
+There was much truth in this last remark of his lordship's. The Earl
+was somewhat remarkable for the intense and unquestionable truth
+of many of his remarks. He was by no means given to what is called
+romancing. Indeed, so exquisitely and unquestionably true was this
+observation, that Penelope thought it needed not the corroboration of
+her assent, but that it must carry conviction to every mind. And so
+it did; and especially to the mind of the Countess, who immediately
+observed: "Perhaps it may be agreeable to Miss Primrose to go to town
+early to-morrow morning for the purpose of meeting her father."
+
+Her ladyship made this proposal because she had no desire to entertain
+Mr Primrose, and she thought that if Penelope was to be taken from her
+patronage at all, the sooner it was done the better. What prodigious
+lies patrons and patronesses do tell when they profess to have no
+other object in view than the welfare and happiness of those whom they
+patronise. The Countess of Smatterton had been pleasing herself with
+the thought that she should be the talk of the season, as producing
+and exhibiting such a prodigy as Miss Primrose; and her ladyship, who
+was very partial to thanks, had been enjoying the anticipation of
+Penelope's overpowering gratitude for such distinguished and desirable
+patronage. But when all these pleasant and agreeable speculations
+seemed to burst like a bubble, then was her ladyship very angry and
+morose; and it was her wish to let Penelope know how deeply the
+disappointment was felt. There were no words however which her ladyship
+could use expressive of her feelings, and at the same time reproachful
+to Miss Primrose. It was not Penelope's fault that her father, after
+an absence of sixteen years, was now returned to England; nor would it
+have been proper and just ground of rebuke that the young lady should
+be pleased at the thought of seeing her father again, and be ready
+to yield herself to his direction in preference to undergoing the
+precarious patronage of the great.
+
+Lady Smatterton was not the less ill-humoured because she had no just
+ground on which she might utter the language of expostulation and
+reproof to Penelope, but on the contrary her anger was greater: for had
+there been an opportunity of indulging in language of reproach, that
+very circumstance would have been a relief and consolation. It was not
+therefore with a very agreeable intonation nor with the accompaniment
+of the most gracious of all possible looks that her ladyship proposed
+that Penelope should go to town to meet her father. But the poor girl
+being happy in her own thoughts, and unconscious of anything done
+or said by her that could be offensive to the Countess, was quite
+unobservant of the harshness of her ladyship's manner, and thought
+only of the substantial kindness of the proposal. To the suggestion of
+the Countess Penelope therefore replied with grateful and pleasurable
+vivacity:
+
+"Your ladyship is extremely kind; and, if it is not giving too much
+trouble, I should certainly be happy to take the earliest opportunity
+of meeting my father."
+
+"It will be giving no trouble," hastily and sharply replied her
+ladyship; "there are coaches to town almost every hour. They will tell
+you in the housekeeper's room what time the first coach goes."
+
+Some high-spirited young ladies would have been mightily indignant
+at a reference from a nobleman's table to the housekeeper's room
+and stage-coaches. But Penelope was not so high-spirited; she was so
+completely occupied with the thought of an early meeting with her
+father, that nothing else was able to obtain possession of her mind.
+
+A momentary pause followed the last observation of the Countess; and
+then, in his own peculiarly majestic manner, the Earl of Smatterton
+said, "I am of opinion that it is not quite proper and suitable for a
+young lady to travel in a stage alone and unprotected."
+
+With exquisite, and as if premeditated, promptitude Lord Spoonbill
+replied, "Certainly not; but there will be no necessity for Miss
+Primrose going alone or in the stage-coach at all. I shall drive up to
+town tomorrow morning, and if the young lady will accept of a seat in
+my gig, I shall be most happy in her company."
+
+Hereupon a general family frowning took place. The Countess frowned at
+the Earl, his lordship frowned at Lord Spoonbill, and Lord Spoonbill
+frowned at the Countess; and if Penelope had not been too polite she
+would have laughed at all three. Lord Spoonbill, however, in spite of
+frowns, determined to have his own way, and seeing that Penelope was
+desirous of going to town, insisted on accompanying her.
+
+The Countess was next puzzled how to part with Miss Primrose; whether
+as concluding that the young lady would not return to her and adopt
+the profession which had been recommended by her ladyship, or as
+admitting the probability that Mr Primrose would not object to the
+public employment of his daughter's musical talents. For with all
+her ladyship's alarm at the return of Mr Primrose to England, it had
+not yet appeared that his return would interfere with her ladyship's
+schemes. The probability however was, that when there was no pecuniary
+necessity for the exercise of these talents, they would not be
+cultivated for public display.
+
+Before the Countess parted from Penelope for the night, her ladyship
+said, "Miss Primrose, as I presume that your father may not object to
+the profession which I have chosen for you, may I ask when it will be
+convenient for you to take lessons previous to your public appearance:
+for it is now time to think of that matter? Of course you know that I
+have engaged a preceptor for you?"
+
+The Countess of Smatterton had more fears than hopes on the subject,
+and as for Penelope herself, she had taken it for granted that the
+return of her father would of course release her from dependence
+on strangers, and consequently render all professional employment
+unnecessary. She was therefore startled at the question, but with
+tolerable promptitude and presence of mind, replied:
+
+"I am grateful for your ladyship's kindness. But, till I have seen my
+father, it is impossible to say when I can begin to apply myself to the
+instruction so kindly provided. I will return as soon as----"
+
+The Countess understood this sentence, and answered with rather more
+asperity than became a kind and condescending patron: "You need not
+trouble yourself to return to me, Miss Primrose, unless you please to
+accept of the instruction that I have provided for you. If I confer
+favours I expect to choose what favours I shall confer."
+
+Penelope made no reply, for her heart was full, and she thought of Mrs
+Greendale; but, under all this, the joy at the thought of her father's
+return kept her spirits from sinking.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+It was a very fine morning when Lord Spoonbill's gig was brought to
+the door to convey Penelope to London. The young lady was joyful even
+to tears. Hers was a joy of such intoxicating and almost bewildering
+nature, that it became necessary for her to exercise some restraint
+over herself, lest she should make herself ridiculous by ungoverned
+prating. Lord Spoonbill was also pleased with the commission which
+he had given to himself, to conduct the young lady to town. But his
+pleasure was mingled with thoughtfulness, and alloyed by meditating
+and contriving. He not been inexperienced in the winning of female
+affection, but he was conscious that there was in the mind of Penelope
+something widely different from and far superior to those with whom his
+former intimacies had been.
+
+Deeply and seriously did he endeavour to revolve in his mind the advice
+which he had received from his friend Erpingham. But his lordship's
+mind was unfortunately too narrow and contracted to afford room for
+anything to turn round in it. He tried and tried, but all to no
+purpose, to understand what Erpingham could possibly mean, when he
+said that a woman is not fit for a wife who can forgive an offer of a
+different description. His lordship, on the contrary, thought that a
+woman is not fit for a wife who is of an unforgiving disposition.
+
+So far indeed as his lordship's own personal feelings were concerned
+he would have had no objection whatever to offer his hand to Miss
+Primrose; an offer which he thought of course could not possibly be
+rejected. But then again he thought of his dignity; and he remembered
+how very severely he had spoken, and how very contemptibly he had
+thought, of some titled individuals who had so far compromised their
+dignity as to marry from the lower orders. Yet there was something so
+elegant and so naturally noble in Penelope's look, manner, expression,
+tone of voice, carriage and person, that nature itself seemed to have
+ennobled her. She seemed fitted for any station in society. This was
+all very true; but Lord Spoonbill could not for all this reconcile his
+mind to the thought of raising Miss Primrose to the exalted rank of
+the Spoonbill family. He was fearful too that the degradation would
+break his mother's heart. All these thoughts, if thoughts they might be
+called, with myriads more of the same complexion and tendency, passed
+through the mind, if mind he had any, of the son and heir of the Right
+Honorable the Earl of Smatterton.
+
+We have said it was a fine morning, and if two of the English nation
+can on such a morning travel together without talking about the
+fineness of the weather, when it is really fine, they are two that we
+have never seen, heard, or read of.
+
+"We have a beautiful morning for our ride, Miss Primrose," said Lord
+Spoonbill.
+
+"Beautiful, indeed," replied Penelope; and she said it with such
+energy, with such heart-bounding glee, as if the sun had never shewn
+her its cloudless face before. And never indeed had it shone so
+brightly before to her. There is something peculiarly and positively
+beautiful in a fine bright day in the midst of winter. The shortness
+of its light adds to its intensity and condenses its interest. But
+when there is sunshine within as well as without, and when the heart
+is young, pure, hopeful and buoyant, then is there felt a revelry of
+delight, a wantonness of happiness. So felt Penelope on this bright
+and brilliant winter's morning. And when there was added to the joyous
+feeling within and to the effect of the spirit-stirring anticipation
+with which she set out on her journey, the bracing and sharpening
+of an almost frosty air, her fine countenance was suffused with as
+brilliant a hue as ever graced the human countenance. As far as life
+excels the art of the sculptor, so far did the countenance of Penelope
+on this morning's journey excel in brightness and beauty its ordinary
+expression. "We are not stocks and stones." So thought Lord Spoonbill
+when he gazed on the lovely one who sat beside him. He almost felt the
+majesty of loveliness, and was almost awed into reverence.
+
+And did not the thought then occur to his lordship, that the scheme
+which he was meditating must of necessity destroy that peace, that
+happiness, that purity, which now formed so lovely and interesting a
+picture? Did not some recollection of beauty prematurely fading, of
+the burning blushes of self-reproach, of the convulsive throbbings
+of breaking hearts, of memory burdened and writhing under the agony
+of thoughts it cannot bear and cannot forget, come into the mind of
+the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill? Did he not recollect poor Ellen,
+lovely in her simplicity, happy in her innocence, the light of her home
+and the joy of her widowed mother's heart? And did he not think of that
+same Ellen dropping the tears of agonizing penitence on that mother's
+dying pillow, and wandering now, for aught he knew to the contrary, a
+houseless, shivering, desolate outcast?
+
+No such thoughts entered his mind. Selfishness and sensuality
+predominated over, or excluded all other feelings. He used all
+the art of which he was master to render himself agreeable to his
+companion during their short journey. He also exerted all his power of
+observation to see whether any symptoms betrayed an interest in him
+on the part of Penelope. But in the brightness of her looks, and the
+joyousness of her features, no other emotions were visible and no other
+thoughts could be read. His lordship was convinced that he could not
+possibly live without her, and he resolved that at all events he would
+make known his admiration by words as well as by looks. Like all the
+rest of the world, preferring his own judgment to the advice of any
+other, he determined that the offer of marriage should be reserved till
+he should ascertain that no other was likely to succeed.
+
+The journey was soon over. They arrived at the Earl of Smatterton's
+town mansion full two hours before it was likely that Mr Primrose
+should be in town. Ten thousand thanks were given by the grateful
+Penelope for the kindness of his lordship, and unnumbered
+acknowledgments of the goodness and condescension of the Earl and
+Countess of Smatterton. Such were the joyous feelings of the young
+lady, that these thanks and acknowledgments were expressed with unusual
+earnestness and warmth of manner; and such was the modesty of Lord
+Spoonbill, that for himself and for his right honorable parents he
+disclaimed all right and title to such a profusion of thanks.
+
+"I beg, Miss Primrose," said his modest lordship, "that you will not
+so overwhelm us with your thanks. We are but too happy in having had it
+in our power to afford you any little accommodation."
+
+"Oh my lord, you are very kind, very kind. But I am almost afraid that
+I have said or done something to offend her ladyship, the Countess;
+for, when I took my leave last night, her ladyship spoke to me as in
+anger. I fear I did wrong in so readily accepting the offer to come to
+town to meet my father."
+
+To the ear of Lord Spoonbill there was something exceedingly graceful
+and musical in the tone with which this language was uttered. There
+is indeed an indescribable beauty in the accents of a grateful mind
+fearful of having offended its benefactor. His lordship was aware of
+his mother's feelings on the subject of the probable loss of Penelope,
+and his lordship was himself also fearful of losing her. But he did
+not use the language of harshness under that apprehension, he sought
+rather to retain her by kindness of expression. Assuming therefore an
+unusual tenderness and considerateness of manner, he took the young
+lady's hand, as if unconsciously, but in truth designedly, and holding
+the hand with sufficient firmness to prevent it being withdrawn, but
+not so as to excite suspicion or thought of intentional seriousness, he
+said:
+
+"I am very sorry that anything which the Countess may have said, has
+given you uneasiness; but my mother has a peculiar earnestness and
+hastiness of manner, that you have mistaken for anger. No one can ever
+be offended with Miss Primrose."
+
+There was a little pause, during which Lord Spoonbill endeavoured to
+catch a glance of the expression of Penelope's countenance, without
+appearing to make any particular observation; and, in this short
+pause, Penelope almost sighed. Lovers delight to hear sighs, and Lord
+Spoonbill was especially pleased at this symptom of emotion in Miss
+Primrose. Retaining her hand therefore, and softening his tone down to
+deeper tenderness, he continued:
+
+"The Countess no doubt will be sorry to lose you, if the return of your
+father necessarily involves that condition. But let us hope that may
+not be the case."
+
+Having thus spoken, his lordship pressed the young lady's hand more
+emphatically, and sighed. Now, by rights, Penelope should at this have
+started up, and suddenly withdrawing her hand, knitting her brows,
+advancing three steps backward and darting a look of indignation at
+his lordship, should have exclaimed, "Unhand me, my lord; what is the
+meaning of this language?" But Penelope neither did nor said anything
+of the kind. For the word 'unhand' was not in her dictionary, and she
+had been too long acquainted with Lord Spoonbill to expect that he
+should be able to explain the meaning of all he said. There was also
+another reason why the young lady did not thus express indignation
+and astonishment; namely, that having no suspicion of the views or
+intentions of his lordship, she did not observe or rightly interpret
+his language and his sigh. In addition to this, it may be also supposed
+that the expectation of her father's arrival had some influence in
+rendering her unobservant of everything else.
+
+Emboldened by the unresisting manner in which Penelope listened to his
+conversation, his lordship proceeded to speak less equivocally, and
+grasping with both his hands the still unremoved hand of Penelope, and
+assuming a look and tone of tenderness, he said:
+
+"Pardon me, Miss Primrose, if I seize this first and perhaps last
+opportunity of avowing how dearly I do love you."
+
+His lordship was about to say much more on the same interesting topic,
+but Miss Primrose interrupted him. The manner in which the interruption
+was given was rather singular, and did not seem at all favorable to his
+lordship's hopes. For, instead of looking serious and frowning and
+attitudinizing, the young lady merely withdrew her hand, and said with
+a smile:
+
+"My lord, I hope you are only jesting; but my feelings are too much
+interested with the thought of presently meeting my father, to allow me
+now even to enter into the humour of a jest."
+
+Thereupon his lordship rose from his seat, laid his hand upon his
+heart, and directed to Miss Primrose a look, which would, on the stage,
+have called down deafening plaudits from the back of the one shilling
+gallery to the front row of the pit, and with indescribable earnestness
+exclaimed, "By heavens, Miss Primrose, I am serious!"
+
+To that declaration the young lady replied seriously, "Then, my lord, I
+am very sorry to hear it."
+
+Thus speaking, Penelope went towards the window, leaving his lordship
+to think what he should say next. The enamoured hereditary legislator
+then, undaunted by the smiles or frowns of Miss Primrose, followed the
+young lady to the window, and in less impassioned but mildly persuasive
+tones continued his address, saying:
+
+"Miss Primrose, may I request of you the favor to hear me?"
+
+"Certainly, my lord," replied Penelope, "if you will hear me
+first."
+
+"Most willingly," replied his lordship.
+
+"Then, my lord," continued Penelope, "I must be permitted to say that
+I feel very much hurt and surprised at what you have already said.
+You have recalled to my mind thoughts that I would willingly have
+forgotten; this allusion will suffice to let your lordship understand
+the state of my feelings. I hope you will forbear the unpleasant
+discussion. Indeed"--here her voice was feebler, and her lip quivered,
+and the full tear was in her eyes, and her whole frame trembled, but
+she did not look the less lovely for this emotion; summoning an effort,
+she continued, "For mercy's sake, my lord, let me meet my father as
+composedly as I possibly can. In less than an hour he will be here.
+Pray do not rob our meeting of its happiness."
+
+In saying this she threw herself into the nearest chair, and covering
+her face with her handkerchief she sobbed and wept, and in spite of
+herself thought of Robert Darnley. The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill
+also sat down, and thought of Nick Muggins and the indescribable pony.
+But his lordship neither wept nor blushed. We record this fact rather
+for its truth than its beauty. It seems indeed an encouragement to such
+sparks as, in their transgressions, sometimes feel remorse; for it is
+as much as to say that, by practice, they will become so familiarized
+with meanness and cruelty as to cease to feel ashamed of them.
+
+His lordship for a few minutes was silent. But as soon as Penelope
+was a little more composed, he said; "I am very much concerned,
+Miss Primrose, for the uneasiness which I have occasioned you, and
+so far from wishing to interrupt the happiness of your meeting with
+your father I will retire, that you may compose yourself. Only let me
+request that I may have the honor of being introduced to Mr Primrose
+after your first meeting is over."
+
+This was all very rational and proper, and the kind, considerate manner
+in which it was spoken pleased Penelope very much, and she made her
+acknowledgments for the kindness with so much grace as to fascinate his
+lordship more than ever. He thought he had never seen so lovely and
+interesting a creature in his life. He apologized for having introduced
+such a subject so inopportunely, and attributed it solely to the fear
+that the arrival of her father might preclude him from speaking on the
+subject at a future time.
+
+When the poor girl was left alone, it was no easy matter for her to
+arrange her scattered thoughts and to bring herself back to that state
+of holiday extasy with which she had begun the day. Nor was much
+time afforded her for the purpose; for, not many minutes after the
+departure of Lord Spoonbill, the arrival of Mr Primrose was announced.
+There seemed to Penelope to be scarcely any interval between hearing a
+carriage stop at the door, and finding herself embraced in the arms of
+her long lost father.
+
+Over a scene like this all modest dramatists would drop the curtain,
+knowing that imagination would be rather impeded than assisted by
+farther exhibition.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+To continue that reference to the drama with which the preceding
+chapter was concluded, it may be remarked that, when the curtain has
+fallen thus abruptly on one scene, the spectators do not anticipate
+that, on its being drawn up again, the eye should be greeted with any
+continuation of that scene; but rather do they look for some great and
+decided transition. Our readers therefore will not now be surprised if
+we take them back again to Neverden and Smatterton. They are pleasant
+villages, and their inhabitants are for the most part unartificial
+people.
+
+It is a fact worthy of notice, and we have no doubt that our observant
+readers have already remarked it, that all the personages in those
+two villages of whom we have yet spoken, have had that delectable and
+pleasing feeling of their own importance, by which they have considered
+that the world has been under infinite obligations to them. To have
+that feeling strongly and genuinely, is a real happiness; and if there
+has ever been any human being whom we have envied, it has been P. P.,
+clerk of this parish, especially while he was writing his own memoirs.
+To endeavour to rob any one of this sense, is cruel, heart-rendingly
+cruel and barbarous; but fortunately for human happiness, this robbery
+cannot easily be effected.
+
+But though the good people of these villages had this feeling in a very
+high and pure degree, yet it is not altogether confined to them; and
+if the Reverend Mr Darnley, in his vigintennial visits to London, has
+been rather angry and offended at the rude behaviour of the people in
+the streets who have jostled and driven against him, without having
+the grace to move their hats to him, that self-same Mr Darnley has
+in his turn inflicted upon a distinguished inhabitant of the great
+metropolis as serious a mortification as his reverence experienced from
+metropolitan neglect.
+
+We have introduced to our readers the Rev. Charles Pringle; we have
+now to introduce that gentleman's first-cousin, Zephaniah Pringle,
+Esq. This illustrious personage was not a native, but had long been an
+inhabitant, of the great metropolis, and, according to his own view of
+the matter, a great ornament to it. He was a literary man. He had been
+destined by his parents for agricultural pursuits, but his genius was
+above them. The circumstances, the trifling circumstances, which tend
+to develope the powers of the mind and to direct the energies into
+their proper channel, are always worthy of notice. Everybody knows the
+story of Sir Isaac Newton and the apple. But everybody does not know,
+but soon will know, the circumstances which made Zephaniah Pringle a
+critic.
+
+When Zephaniah was about twelve years old he was taken to Smatterton by
+his father, who had to make a call of business on Mr Kipperson. While
+Mr Pringle and Mr Kipperson were engaged in looking at some cattle
+which the latter had to dispose of, young Pringle was gaping about
+in the library, and admiring with great veneration all its literary
+wonders; but that which most powerfully arrested his attention was
+a plaister bust of Dr Johnson. And when the agricultural gentlemen
+returned to the library, Zephaniah, pointing to the bust, said,
+"Father, was that there thick-headed man a heathen philosopher?"
+
+Mr Kipperson, who was pleased with the young gentleman's manifestation
+of a taste for literature and philosophy, kindly corrected the
+misapprehension of the youth, and said, "No, my lad, the heathen
+philosophers did not wear wigs. That is a bust of Dr Johnson, the
+celebrated critic and lexicographer."
+
+Zephaniah, with open mouth and expanded eyes, stared his thanks to Mr
+Kipperson, who immediately asked the young gentleman if he was fond of
+reading. To which he replied in the affirmative. Whereupon Mr Kipperson
+kindly lent the youth Boswell's Life of Dr Johnson.
+
+From that moment young Pringle felt an irresistible impulse to become
+a man of letters; and with a view to gratify that ambition, his father
+was kind enough to let him have another quarter's Latin, in order to
+give him an opportunity to perfect himself in classical literature.
+
+Thus qualified, the young man in due time went up to London. In the
+great metropolis he soon divested himself of the rusticity of his
+manners, and after some few failures in the first instance, for want
+of knowing the proper knack of writing, he soon acquired a tolerable
+facility, and absolutely once wrote something that was talked
+about. From that moment he never saw two people talking together in
+a bookseller's shop, without fancying that they were talking about
+Zephaniah Pringle.
+
+He took great pains to imitate Dr Johnson; but his literary companions
+detected him and laughed at him. He had but a slender frame and a
+slender voice; and when he attempted the oracular and the pompous
+style, it was like playing the Hallelujah Chorus on a fife. He could
+not adopt the doctor's Jacobitism, but he took instead of that a double
+extra super-Eldon high Toryism. And in religion, not that he ever went
+to church, he was decidedly of opinion that all dissenters and Roman
+Catholics were convinced that the church of England was the only true
+church, but that they would not conform merely out of spite. It was
+his opinion that the Duke of Wellington would never have driven the
+French out of Spain, had he not always made a point of hearing all his
+soldiers every day say the church catechism.
+
+He had a praiseworthy and prodigious horror of gymnastics; they came
+from Greece, and the ancient Greeks were republicans. In his notion of
+mechanics' institutes he was exceedingly ungrateful to Mr Kipperson,
+who patronized him and them too; and when Mr Kipperson once proposed
+to establish a mechanics' institute at Smatterton for the benefit of
+the agricultural operatives, this Zephaniah Pringle had the impudence
+to write him a long letter on the subject, accusing him of a design to
+subvert the established church, and convert England into a republic. Mr
+Kipperson gave up the scheme, not because of this letter, but because,
+when he assembled the people of the village in one of his barns to read
+them a lecture on hydrostatics, every soul of them fell fast asleep.
+
+There was another subject on which Mr Zephaniah Pringle had very strong
+opinions,--viz. West India slavery. He very properly laughed at the
+absurdity of supposing that negroes have the slightest objection
+to be flogged to death; and he knew that the only object which the
+abolitionists had in view, was to overturn the established church.
+
+Mr Zephaniah Pringle had a most exquisite conceit of his own
+superlative wisdom and penetration. This gentleman must have
+experienced therefore a sensation of great delight in taking his
+important self down to Smatterton to visit Mr Kipperson and surprise
+the natives. But how great must have been his astonishment, when
+introduced by Mr Kipperson at the rectory of Neverden, to find that Mr
+Darnley the elder had never heard of the name and fame of Zephaniah
+Pringle. He consoled himself, however, with the reflection, that many
+other names great as his own were equally unknown to this obscure
+village parson.
+
+Finding that the young ladies of Mr Darnley's family were addicted to
+reading, the critic kindly administered his gratuitous and unasked
+commentaries on divers modern and ancient authors. He astonished the
+daughters of the rector of Neverden by opinions hitherto unheard
+and unthought of. The confidence of his manner passed for wisdom and
+decided apprehension of the subjects on which he spoke; and as he took
+care to let it be thoroughly understood that all who differed from him
+were fools, and as literary young ladies do not like to be considered
+fools, they of course assented to Zephaniah Pringle's opinions on
+literary topics.
+
+In his conversation with Mr Darnley the younger he found that,
+by talking literature, he did not seem to magnify himself to his
+heart's content; for Robert Darnley did not believe that critics
+were conjurors. The genius then had recourse to talk concerning
+those persons of high style and dignity with whom he had the honor
+to be acquainted. Among other great names, he mentioned that of Lord
+Smatterton, and the scarcely less illustrious name of Lord Spoonbill.
+
+"You are acquainted then with Lord Spoonbill?" said Robert Darnley.
+
+"Oh yes, perfectly well," replied the critic.
+
+"And pray what kind of man is this Lord Spoonbill? for, though the
+family resides in the next village, I am totally unacquainted with
+them."
+
+"Lord Spoonbill himself is the best creature in the world. The Earl
+of Smatterton is a proud, haughty man, like the rest of the Whig
+aristocracy."
+
+"Then Lord Spoonbill is not so very proud?"
+
+"I cannot say that Lord Spoonbill is altogether without pride. He has
+very high notions; but his manner is not pompous like his father's. And
+he can be very agreeable, though he is by no means a man of any great
+share of intellect."
+
+"I have heard him spoken of," replied Robert Darnley, "as being a
+very profligate man."
+
+"I believe," said the critic, "he is rather gay, but not more so than
+most young men of his rank. The finest joke in the world is, that
+his father, the Earl of Smatterton, thinks that he is one of the
+gravest and steadiest young men of the age, and quotes him as such
+accordingly. But the fact is, that his lordship has lately taken under
+his protection a lady, now received at Lord Smatterton's table."
+
+Robert Darnley could not believe his own senses. The language which
+he now heard from Zephaniah Pringle seemed to allude plainly enough
+to Penelope, but it could not be possible, he thought, that a young
+lady of such high and pure spirit as Miss Primrose could ever submit
+to an arrangement so truly humiliating. Suppressing and concealing his
+agitation as well as he could, he endeavoured to ascertain from the man
+of letters what was really the fact concerning Lord Spoonbill and this,
+as yet unnamed, young lady.
+
+"Surely, Mr Pringle, you do not mean to say that Lord Spoonbill has
+a lady in keeping, whom he introduces to his father's table? This is
+really beyond all credence."
+
+"But indeed, sir, I do mean it," replied Zephaniah the critic: "and,
+if you have never heard the story, I can tell you all the particulars."
+
+"It is no business of mine," said Darnley, "but I do feel curious
+to know the particulars of so very singular a case, as a young man
+bringing a kept lady to his father's own table."
+
+"It is not altogether so," replied Mr Pringle; "but I will tell you
+exactly how the case stands; I know Spoonbill very intimately."
+
+This last expression was uttered as everybody would naturally suppose
+such an expression would be uttered by such a man. After thoroughly
+enjoying the high and refined satisfaction of having said, "I know
+Spoonbill very intimately," the loyal and religious critic proceeded:
+
+"You must remember old Greendale, the rector of Smatterton, who was my
+cousin's predecessor in the living. He died a very short time before
+you returned from India. This old man had a very pretty niece, you
+know; you must remember her, for I understand that she lived with old
+Dr Greendale from her infancy."
+
+"Oh, certainly," said Darnley, with much effort concealing the
+agitation which he felt; "I remember her very well, her name is
+Primrose; but you surely do not mean to say that Miss Primrose is
+living under the protection of Lord Spoonbill?"
+
+Hereupon Mr Pringle did somewhat hesitate and say, "Why, why--I cannot
+exactly say that--that she is absolutely living under his protection.
+She is rather living under the protection of Lady Smatterton as yet.
+You perhaps may not know that Miss Primrose has a remarkably fine
+voice, and is in fact a first-rate vocalist: now Lady Smatterton is a
+great patroness of musical talent, and has taken a fancy to bring Miss
+Primrose out this season as a public singer, and Lord Spoonbill has
+made proposals, which I believe have been accepted by the lady; and she
+is to be under his lordship's protection as soon as she leaves Lord
+Smatterton's house, and that will be very soon. That is the true state
+of the case. I wonder you have never heard of it before; for though
+you have been from India a very short time, yet in country places
+intelligence flies very rapidly."
+
+"Well, you astonish me," said Mr Darnley the younger; "I could not
+have thought that a young lady, brought up by such an exemplary and
+virtuous man as the late Dr Greendale, should ever condescend to live
+upon those terms with the first nobleman in the kingdom."
+
+"Oh, sir," replied the knowing critic, "you do not understand the
+heart, especially the female heart. There is something in title and
+splendour so fascinating to the weaker sex, that few can resist its
+influence. I have observed and studied the human mind in all its
+various attitudes, and I have lived in the world long enough to cease
+to be astonished at anything I hear or see. In such an outlandish place
+as India you see nothing and learn nothing. London is the only place
+where the human character can be thoroughly and properly studied."
+
+Much more to the same purpose did the fluent cousin of the new rector
+of Smatterton say to the son of the rector of Neverden. But Robert
+Darnley heard him and heeded him not. Deeply did the intelligence
+concerning Penelope sink into his mind, and painfully did he revolve
+the idle gossip of the loyal and religious critic, who had properly
+and thoroughly studied human nature, in his lodgings in Fetter lane,
+Holborn.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+The day which followed immediately after the above-mentioned
+conversation, was destined for a grand dinner party at the mansion
+of Sir George Aimwell, Bart. Preparations were made for a splendid
+entertainment. It was not an easy matter to get together a large
+party in that neighbourhood without admitting to the table some
+individuals of dubious dignity. There was, for instance, the equivocal
+Mr Kipperson, at once landlord and tenant, gentleman and farmer; but
+then he was so zealous a friend to the interest of agriculture. He was
+so thoroughly enlightened on the corn question, that the great men of
+Smatterton and Neverden could not but respect him. Sir George Aimwell
+also liked Mr Kipperson, because he was a bad shot, and had so ardent a
+zeal against poachers.
+
+This party was assembled, among other objects, for the purpose of
+welcoming to England the son of the rector of Neverden. But Robert
+Darnley was by no means in spirits for the enjoyment of festivity. He
+was sorry for what he had heard from Zephaniah Pringle, and he was
+angry that he was sorry, and then again sorry that he was angry.
+
+It had been unfortunate for him that there had been such silence
+observed on the subject of his correspondence and acquaintance with
+Penelope. Scarcely any one but the parties concerned knew anything
+of the matter. Mr Kipperson suspected it, and the Smatterton family
+had been informed of it by Mr Darnley, because the reverend gentleman
+thought it but respectful to let them into the secret. As for Sir
+George Aimwell, he scarcely knew or thought of anything, except
+administering justice and killing birds. The Reverend Charles Pringle,
+rector of Smatterton, was also quite unaware of the existence of any
+correspondence between Robert Darnley and Penelope Primrose. No wonder
+then that, under the present awkward circumstances, and with the false
+account which Zephaniah, the critic, had brought from London, there
+should be in the hearing of Robert Darnley much conversation by no
+means agreeable to his feelings, or soothing to his mind.
+
+When the party began to assemble they began also to talk: but at the
+first their talk was very desultory and common-place. The worthy
+baronet was congratulated by Mr Kipperson on having caught a poacher,
+and was condoled with by the same gentleman on having lost almost his
+whole brood of pheasants. It is astonishing that any one can be so
+simple as not to see that pheasants were obviously created to be shot
+by gentlemen and noblemen only, or their gamekeepers. There was also
+much talk about horses and dogs, and the poor-rates, and Mr Malthus,
+and parish settlements, and the agricultural interest.
+
+It is very erroneously stated by many persons, both in writing
+and in speaking, that the period between the first arrival of the
+company and the serving up of the dinner is most weary, stale, flat
+and unprofitable. But as there is no spot of earth so barren as not
+to produce some curiosity to reward the toil and gratify the taste
+of the botanist, so there is no attitude or condition of our being
+which may not yield some fruit of instruction and amusement to the
+moral botanist. We deserve the thanks of our readers for much that
+we communicate in the way of information and amusement, but perhaps
+for nothing so much as for directing their attention to the great and
+valuable truth, that even the usually-considered dreary half hour
+before dinner is not absolutely barren and worthless. Peradventure
+also, by directing the attention to this matter, we may prevent many a
+dinner from being spoiled, because we thus present a strong inducement
+to an early arrival. He that arrives first is pretty certain that the
+rest of the company can have no opportunity of pulling his character
+to pieces behind his back. For when the host expresses to the rest of
+his party his wonder that Mr Smith is not come, then the good people
+who are hungry and impatient begin to talk about Mr Smith, and they use
+him ungently, treating his transgressions with no candour, and honoring
+his virtues with no encomium. There is also something very curious in
+observing the different effects which dining produces on different
+persons. Some will enter the drawing-room brimfull of intelligence,
+telling everybody everything that everybody knows, and nobody cares
+about. There are people who entertain the strange notion that tongues
+were made to talk about mere matters of fact; and when they have said
+their say, they are silent for the rest of the evening. There are again
+others who, before dinner, look as wise and as stupid as owls; who seem
+at a most painful loss what to do with their hands, or their feet,
+or their eyes; who having no motive to look at one object in the room
+more than at another, let their eyes roll unmeaningly and incessantly
+about as if they were endeavouring to keep them open without looking
+at anything. But when these apparently inanimate imitations of Chinese
+Mandarins have had their dinner, their looks are brightened and
+their tongues loosened, and as before dinner they seemed as if they
+were wishing most ardently for an opportunity to simper at something
+which might be said by another, they after dinner give forth that
+which interests and delights. The period before dinner is also one
+of great importance for the exhibition of personal decoration. Then,
+and then only, has dress its right display, and its full complement
+of observers. In this brief digression it is impossible to enter into
+one half, or one twentieth of the particulars which may interest and
+delight an observant mind. "Sermons in stones and good in everything,"
+is one of the most true and most valuable expressions which the pen of
+Shakspeare ever wrote. But to proceed.
+
+There was, as we have said above, much miscellaneous talk before dinner
+at this "grand miscellaneous" entertainment, given by Sir George
+Aimwell. Mr Kipperson strutted about the room with his hands in his
+pockets, looking as wise as a conjuror and as pleased as Punch, saying
+something scientific or agricultural to every one there. The Reverend
+Charles Pringle made his appearance also time enough to show the
+company how possible it was to violate the decorum of clerical attire
+without actually transgressing the literal regulations. Lady Aimwell
+received much of that gentleman's polite attention; and the daughters
+of Mr Darnley were also not unnoticed. The new rector of Smatterton
+was very clever at conundrums, some new ones of his own making were
+graciously communicated to the young ladies. Zephaniah Pringle, the
+critic, was pleased to look very important, and to feel his dignity and
+intellectuality mightily hurt, because the talk, such as it was, had
+no interest for him. He was much at a loss to think how it was possible
+for human beings to take an interest in such unintellectual things as
+corn, cattle, game and poor-laws; and he thought the people were great
+blockheads because they talked about what concerned themselves. Robert
+Darnley received the congratulations of his friends; but he received
+them coldly, for his mind was not at ease.
+
+Now after much talk, miscellaneous and desultory, several of the party,
+while yet they were waiting for dinner, congregated together at one of
+the windows, and their talk was almost in whispers. Zephaniah Pringle
+was one of that select committee, and he was speaking very gravely and
+very knowingly, and Sir George Aimwell was looking as much as to say,
+"I am very sorry for it." Mr Darnley the elder was also one of the
+whispering group, and looked as serious and solemn as any one of them;
+and every now and then he turned his eyes suspiciously and inquiringly
+towards his son. The young gentleman more than suspected what was the
+subject of their discourse; and as the rector of Neverden was the only
+one of the party who had any suspicion of the interest which Robert
+Darnley took in the person concerning whom the discussion was made,
+they did not very carefully subdue and suppress their voices, but they
+spoke loudly enough to be heard in their whispering, and the name of
+Primrose was heard by Robert Darnley, and in spite of his high spirit
+he felt sick at heart. And though he felt little appetite for dinner,
+he was glad of the announcement, which relieved him from hearing, or
+rather fancying that he heard, talk that told of the shame of Penelope.
+
+Oh, that our pen could write strongly as our heart feels against those
+villanous, viper-souled, low-minded, merciless reptiles, who, from
+motives too grovelling and dirty to be analyzed, impertinently by their
+ill-digested calumnies, mutilate and mangle the fairest reputation,
+and sully the purest characters. Never can such vermin be sufficiently
+punished or adequately vituperated, for they are absolutely incapable
+of feeling such racking mental agonies as they inflict on others.
+What could such a heartless puppy as Zephaniah Pringle feel of mental
+and heart-rending agony, compared with that which Robert Darnley
+experienced, when he had reason to think that the high-minded,
+clear-souled Penelope, whom he had loved for her purity, her moral as
+well as personal beauty, had so far forgotten all good feelings and
+all high thoughts as to sink down into a character for which refined
+language has no name?
+
+The baronet's table was splendidly covered, and the guests were as
+well pleased in demolishing as the cook had been in constructing and
+compiling the various specimens of culinary art. Sir George Aimwell
+paid, as was proper, especial attention to Robert Darnley, and
+endeavoured to draw the young man into conversation, or, more properly
+speaking, to provoke him into narrative. To such questions as were
+asked he gave an ample and intelligent answer, but he proceeded no
+further; he did not seem desirous to obtrude himself upon the attention
+of the company.
+
+Table-talk was by no means the forte of the worthy baronet; but when
+he had a party he generally exerted himself: and as he was very well
+aware that, in his own proper person, and from his own peculiar stores,
+he was by no means a man of talk, he very considerately endeavoured to
+set in motion other tongues than his own. On the present occasion he
+thought, that as Mr Robert Darnley had been long abroad, he would most
+likely be best able to entertain the guests. But when the hospitable
+host observed how very slowly and reluctantly the young man brought
+out the stores of his information, he next directed his attention to
+Zephaniah Pringle, who was not so reserved. He spoke fluently, and
+readily, and oracularly. Sir George, though not a man of letters, was
+ready enough to indulge his guests, or to suffer them, if they would,
+to indulge themselves, with literary conversation; and it was a great
+happiness to Zephaniah Pringle to let the inhabitants of Smatterton
+and Neverden know how great a man was in their company. Yet there was
+a little abatement from the purity and intensity of that enjoyment,
+in the observing how inapt they seemed to be in comprehending which
+were the first publications of the day, and which were productions of
+inferior note. Some of the party asked strange things about reviews and
+magazines, and Zephaniah was astonished that there should be in any
+part of Great Britain such complete, total darkness, and intellectual
+neglect, as that his own peculiar periodical should be altogether
+unknown even by name. He attributed their ignorance to mere spite, or
+thought that Lord Smatterton, being a Whig, had made it a point to
+conceal from his country neighbours the existence of that periodical,
+which, by the means of pastry-cooks and tobacconists, had an immense
+circulation in the metropolis. The daughters of Mr Darnley listened
+with much reverence to the oracles of Zephaniah the critic, and they
+thought him prodigiously wise, because he thought differently from
+everybody else. They asked his opinion of every book which they
+remembered having read: and they endeavoured to persuade themselves to
+entertain the same opinions as he did.
+
+If our readers imagine that, from what we have said concerning
+the daughters of the rector of Neverden, these young ladies were
+superficial simpletons, we are desirous of removing such impression.
+They were not conceitedly confident in their own judgment; and, as they
+were not much in the way of seeing or hearing literary pretenders and
+intellectual quacks, they gave Zephaniah Pringle credit for all that he
+assumed. They did not think very highly of themselves, and therefore
+they readily yielded assent to the oracles of one who appeared so
+competent and able to give an opinion. Many others, besides the
+daughters of Mr Darnley, have been at a first, or even second interview
+with Zephaniah, very greatly deceived as to the height, the depth, and
+the breadth, of the critic's understanding.
+
+This part of our narrative, though not directly tending to the
+developement of the history, we could not consent to pass by unnoticed;
+for though it may not be very entertaining, it is instructive, and
+it affords us an opportunity of giving a valuable hint to our young
+readers. The hint to which we allude, is to caution them against too
+much modesty. Only suppose, for instance, that such an empty-headed
+coxcomb as Zephaniah Pringle had entertained a fair opinion of his own
+understanding, or that he had underrated his own intellectual powers
+and stores, who would ever have found out that he was superior to what
+he assumed? Who would have taken the trouble to urge him to assume a
+higher rank? Not one. But now that he set himself up for a great one,
+who was to detect the hollowness of his pretensions? Not above one in
+a hundred. And who would take the trouble to expose him? Not one in a
+thousand. And who would take notice of the exposure? Not one in ten
+thousand.
+
+In our next edition we will cancel this last paragraph, if we find
+that modesty has ever made its owner rich or celebrated. Modesty is
+certainly very much to be praised, and if we were candidate for any
+situation of honor or emolument, or even for a good seat in a theatre,
+we should very much approve of the modesty of such as, having power to
+rival us, would meekly and quietly stand out of our way.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+During the night which followed the grand dinner given by Sir George
+Aimwell, Robert Darnley scarcely slept a single hour. He retired to
+his apartment full of bitter and distracting thoughts, almost tempted
+to believe that there was truth in the foul libels that thoughtless
+blockheads have uttered and written concerning the gentler sex. He said
+to himself, "Frailty! thy name is woman." He was so grieved, so pierced
+to the heart's core, that he forgot for a while all that he had heard,
+read, or witnessed of woman's devout affection, unwearied kindness,
+heroic attachment, and moral sublimity. And he thought not of the
+patience with which woman bears the peevishness of our infancy, the
+selfishness of our riper years, and the capricious fretfulness of our
+declining age. He was for a while angry and contemptuous, professing
+to himself an indifference which he did not feel, and fancying
+himself superior to that weakness under which he was writhing and
+labouring in bitter agony. Then there was a change in the complexion
+of his thoughts, and as the angry passions yielded to the approaching
+drowsiness which health must periodically experience, more tender and
+more gentle thoughts subdued him. The eyelids were scarcely closed,
+when imagination threw her rainbow light on past days, and there stood
+before him, not quite in a dream, the image of Penelope--lovely,
+bright, and living. The momentary vision melted him, and the effort
+to retain it banished it. Slowly his slumbers crept again upon him,
+and the vision was more distinct, and he could hear again that sweet
+voice with which he had been enraptured, and there was in his heart a
+repetition of that swell of feeling with which he had years ago taken
+his leave of her. So passed the night.
+
+When morning came again, it found the young man unrefreshed and
+unrested. But in the family of the rector of Neverden there was
+great regularity and punctuality. Robert Darnley therefore made his
+appearance at breakfast at the usual hour. It was impossible not to
+see that his mind was painfully disturbed, and it was also equally
+impossible not to conjecture the cause of its agitation.
+
+A very unpleasant restraint sat upon the whole party. Mr Darnley the
+elder would not speak on the subject of his son's altered appearance,
+and Mrs Darnley and her daughters were reluctant to introduce any
+mention of the matter, unsanctioned by Mr Darnley. The hour of
+breakfast was usually to that family a season of social and cheerful
+talk, but on the present occasion there was silence and restraint; and
+as they abstained from addressing themselves to Robert, they also
+abstained from talking to one another. When breakfast was over Mr
+Darnley desired his son's presence in the study.
+
+Robert Darnley knew he was destined to undergo a lecture, and he braced
+himself up to bear it with filial resignation. The young man's father
+prided himself on the fluency with which he could talk in the way of
+admonition, and we believe that he derived almost as much pleasure from
+these exhibitions as his auditors did profit. Sir George Aimwell used
+to say, that instead of sending poachers to gaol, it would be a better
+plan to send them to Mr Darnley to be talked to; for the worthy baronet
+thought that they would not readily expose themselves to the risk of
+a second infliction. Those of our readers who have never been talked
+to will not be able to sympathize with Robert Darnley; those who have,
+will pity him from the bottom of their hearts.
+
+The young man promptly obeyed his father's commands and delayed not to
+attend him in the study; for he naturally supposed that the sooner the
+lecture began the sooner it would be over. The father seated himself
+and desired his son to shut the door and seat himself too. These
+preliminary steps having been taken, and Mr Darnley having stirred and
+arranged the fire so amply as to preclude the necessity of any more
+attention to it for some time, thus began:
+
+"Robert, my dear boy, I wish to have some little talk with you. I have
+not had much opportunity of speaking to you since you came home. Now,
+you know, I can have no other object in view than your welfare. I do
+not desire you to follow the advice I may give you, unless you are
+convinced of its propriety. You know of course what I am now alluding
+to--your unhappy attachment to that unfortunate young woman, Miss
+Primrose. For my part, I cannot say that I altogether approved of it
+in the first instance; but I said nothing. I knew the impetuosity of
+your character and the obstinacy of your disposition, and therefore
+I concluded that opposition might do more harm than good. I hoped
+that, in time, your own good sense would let you see that it was not
+a suitable connexion for you. I do not say indeed that I have ever
+observed anything absolutely improper in the conduct of Miss Primrose;
+but I must be permitted to say, that there was too much pride in her
+manner, considering her station and expectations. Of the young woman's
+father I knew comparatively nothing, except that he had gambled away
+his property and broken his wife's heart. Mr Primrose did call here,
+as you know; but I must confess to you I was not much pleased with his
+manners. I was under the disagreeable necessity of rebuking him for
+taking the name of the Lord in vain. As for the young woman herself,
+of course you must relinquish all thoughts of her after what you have
+heard from Mr Pringle. Now let me advise you to banish her from your
+mind at once. I am sorry to see that your thoughts are still too much
+dwelling upon her. You make your mother and your sisters and me very
+uncomfortable by these gloomy looks. Why can you not be cheerful as you
+used to be? What have you to regret? You ought rather to be grateful
+that you have been rescued from such a marriage, and that it cannot
+be said that the dissolution of the acquaintance arose from your own
+caprice. I think that the young woman did not manifest a very great
+sense of propriety when she so readily adopted the profession of a
+public singer. And what would the world say, should the report ever get
+abroad, that my son was desirous of marrying a public singer? I gave
+the young woman all the good advice I possibly could; but I fear it
+will be of no use to her. There were such very strong manifestations of
+her partiality for that profligate young man, Lord Spoonbill, that I am
+not at all surprised at what I hear from Mr Pringle. Now all that I can
+say is, that if after this you can retain any regard for Miss Primrose,
+you do not shew yourself a man of sense and prudence."
+
+Here Mr Darnley paused, not because he was out of breath, for he spoke
+very slowly and deliberately, but because he thought that he had said
+enough to induce his son to relinquish the thought of Penelope, and to
+make himself mightily happy under his disappointment. But it certainly
+is very provoking, after living three years or more in expectation of
+receiving the hand and heart of a lovely, amiable, and intelligent
+young lady, to find at last that all this bright anticipation is come
+to nought. It had been painful to Robert Darnley that several of his
+later communications had been unanswered; but he would not suffer that
+circumstance alone to weigh with him, considering it possible that the
+fault was in the irregular transmission of letters. When he came back
+to England and heard that Miss Primrose was in London with the Earl of
+Smatterton's family, it appeared obvious enough that she had considered
+the correspondence as having ceased. But still it was not clear to the
+young man's entire satisfaction that this had been a voluntary act on
+the part of Penelope. It was possible that his letters might not have
+reached their destination, and that Miss Primrose might be regarding
+him as the faithless one. Such was his spirit, that he would not rest
+under the imputation of such conduct, and he resolved to take the
+earliest opportunity of coming to an explanation. When, however, in
+addition to all that he had heard from his own family of the partiality
+manifested by Penelope for Lord Spoonbill, he heard also the tale told
+by Zephaniah Pringle, he wavered and hesitated. It was not probable, he
+thought, that such rumours could be totally unfounded, and it comported
+but too well with what Mr Darnley had already said.
+
+The distress of mind which Robert Darnley suffered, and that gloominess
+of look which his father reprobated and lectured him upon, did not
+arise so much from the mere loss of Penelope, as from the harassing
+doubts to which he was exposed by the conflicting of external and
+internal evidence. It is a painful thing to doubt, because it is
+humiliating, and seems to question our discernment. It is also very
+perplexing to the mind when it sees evidence enough to prove that which
+it feels to be impossible, or very unlikely. In this dilemma Robert
+Darnley had been placed by what he had heard of Penelope Primrose. He
+knew, or at least very firmly believed her to be of decided character,
+good principle and high spirit. He felt it impossible that she should
+love a profligate or a blockhead, and he knew Lord Spoonbill to be
+both. But it was very clear that she was with Lord Smatterton's family,
+and that she had certainly contemplated the public exercise of her
+musical talents.
+
+To his fathers discourse therefore he listened with unresisting
+patience, and only replied when it was finished; "I can only say, sir,
+that if what Mr Pringle has said concerning Miss Primrose be true, I
+have been very much deceived in the estimate which I had formed of the
+young lady's mind and character."
+
+"Certainly you were," replied his father; "you are a young man and
+have seen but little of human nature. You are hasty, very hasty, in
+forming your judgment. You will grow wiser as you grow older. Now I was
+not deceived in Miss Primrose. I could see her real character. I always
+thought her very proud and vain and conceited. But she laboured under
+great disadvantages in her education. Her uncle was a worthy man, but
+he was a mere scholar, by no means a man of the world. And as for Mrs
+Greendale, she is a very weak woman."
+
+Robert Darnley knew his father too well to contradict him directly
+in anything which he might be pleased to assert; he therefore only
+ventured in a very circuitous way to insinuate the possibility that
+Mr Zephaniah Pringle might be erroneously informed, and that there
+might be some mistake or misapprehension. But the worthy rector of
+Neverden was not able to bear the slightest approach to contradiction
+or opposition. He had lived so long in absolute authority in his own
+house and parish, that he was perfectly sincere in believing that he
+could never be wrong and ought never to be contradicted. He therefore
+contributed very considerably to shorten the discussion, by saying:
+
+"You are of age, and of course may do as you please; but, if you will
+condescend to take my advice, you will think no more of Miss Primrose.
+At all events, it is my particular request that I may hear no more of
+her."
+
+To this the young gentleman bowed respectfully. Now it does not appear
+to us that Mr Darnley adopted the best plan in the world to set his
+son's heart at rest. Nor did Robert Darnley find any great alleviation
+in what his father had been pleased to say concerning Penelope's actual
+situation and real character. It also occurred to the young gentleman's
+mind, that his father had superfluously and unnecessarily quoted the
+fact of Mr Primrose having used irreverent and thoughtless language.
+It is not indeed, generally speaking, advisable to bring every possible
+accusation against an offending one; for by so doing we make known our
+own pettishness or malignity quite as much as we display the sins of
+the accused. If Miss Primrose had been in other respects a suitable
+wife for Robert Darnley, the fact that her father had spoken hastily
+and unadvisedly, would not have rendered her unsuitable. And if the
+situation of Penelope had been such as it had been represented by Mr
+Pringle, then there was quite enough to set Robert Darnley's mind at
+rest upon the subject, without quoting Mr Primrose's transgressions.
+
+The disappointed lover had no sooner finished the task of hearing his
+father's lecture, than he was destined to undergo a gabblement from
+his mother and sisters. Mrs Darnley was a worthy good creature as
+ever lived; but she would talk, and that not always consequentially.
+She always however meant well, though she might be clumsy in the
+manifestation of her well-meaning.
+
+"Well, Robert,"--thus began Mrs Darnley,--"and so your father has
+been talking to you about poor Penelope Primrose. What a pity it is that
+such a nice young woman should turn out so. I really could hardly
+believe my senses when I first heard of it. Dear me, what a favorite
+she used to be here; your father used to think so highly of her."
+
+"I can't say that I thought so very highly of her," interrupted Miss
+Mary Darnley; "she was a great deal too haughty for my liking. Of
+course we were civil to her for Robert's sake."
+
+Miss Mary was rude in thus interrupting her mother, but it was the
+general practice with the young ladies, and Mrs Darnley was so much
+in the habit of being interrupted, that she always expected it, and
+kept talking on till some one else of the party began. Now this remark
+of Miss Mary might be founded on truth, or it might be merely the
+result of an angry imagination. For there is in the human mind such a
+reluctance to acknowledge an error in judgment, that even when we have
+been really and palpably deceived in a human character, we generally
+find out or persuade ourselves that we "prophesied so," though we never
+told any body.
+
+The eldest Miss Darnley, however, had more candour. It was her opinion
+that, though Miss Primrose had not behaved exactly as she ought to
+do, yet she had too high a sense of propriety and decorum ever to
+transgress as was represented by Mr Pringle.
+
+In this annunciation of opinions it was but right and regular that the
+youngest should speak in her turn; and notwithstanding the apparent
+deference which she had seemed on the previous day to yield to the
+oracular language of Zephaniah Pringle the critic, she said:
+
+"I wonder who told Mr Pringle? I dare say Miss Primrose did not, and I
+should not think it likely that Lord Spoonbill did."
+
+"Oh dear," replied Mary, "I dare say it is the general talk in
+London, and everbody knows it by this time."
+
+"Oh dear," retorted Martha, "I dare say you know a great deal about
+London."
+
+"I know a great deal more about it than you do, Martha; I was there
+with papa nearly two months when we had lodgings in Wigmore street."
+
+Martha was inclined to be pert, and Mary to be pettish, and the two
+sisters would very likely have enjoyed a skirmish of tongues, had they
+not been stopped by the good humour of their brother, who was very
+happy to divert their tongues and thoughts to other topics. Robert
+Darnley therefore made an effort to suppress unpleasant feelings, and
+directed the conversation to affairs of a different description; and he
+amused his mother and sisters with anecdotes and narratives descriptive
+of the country from which he had recently arrived.
+
+In assuming this composure, Robert Darnley was not a little aided
+by the suggestion thrown out by Martha. And he began to think it
+very possible that Mr Zephaniah Pringle might have been misinformed.
+He might have had wit enough to form that conjecture without the
+assistance of his youngest sister; but he was too much agitated to
+think calmly on the subject.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+The preceding chapters, relative to affairs at Neverden, were rendered
+indispensable by the necessity under which we were placed to account
+for the non-appearance of Robert Darnley in London, to clear up the
+mystery and explain the cause of the interrupted correspondence. We
+are now most happy to revert to that part of our narrative which more
+immediately and directly concerns Penelope Primrose and her father. For
+this purpose therefore our history goes back a few days.
+
+After the first passionate agitation of meeting had subsided, and
+Penelope was able to speak collectedly, and Mr Primrose was patient
+enough to listen to two successive sentences, the young lady explained
+to her father the situation in which she had been placed by the
+sudden decease of her uncle, and spoke of the kindness which she had
+experienced from the Earl and Countess of Smatterton, adding, that they
+had been so kind as to propose giving her the opportunity of meeting
+her father in London. She then informed her father that Lord Spoonbill
+was in the house, and would be happy to see him.
+
+Mr Primrose was too happy at the meeting with his daughter to think
+anything of the awkward stories which he had heard of the young
+gentleman's irregularities. He therefore expressed himself pleased with
+an opportunity of making his acknowledgments to any part of the family.
+The young lord therefore soon made his appearance. And such was the
+frank, gentlemanly aspect and bearing of Mr Primrose, that his lordship
+was quite delighted with him, and said with great sincerity much which
+he would otherwise have said with polite formality and hypocrisy.
+
+Penelope exercised a considerable degree of self-command in introducing
+Lord Spoonbill so composedly to her father. And happy was it at this
+moment for Mr Primrose, that such was his cheerfulness and hilarity
+of feeling, that he was only sensible to that which was pleasant and
+agreeable.
+
+"My Lord Spoonbill," said he with one of his politest bows, and with
+the most agreeable intonation of voice that he could command, "I thank
+you most sincerely, and I beg that you will convey my most cordial and
+respectful thanks to the Earl and Countess of Smatterton for their kind
+and generous attention to my dear child."
+
+Even with similar politeness did Lord Spoonbill profess how truly
+happy the Earl and Countess had been in affording any accommodation
+to the neice of their late esteemed friend, the respected rector of
+Smatterton. By making mention of that good man, Lord Spoonbill brought
+tears into the eyes of Mr Primrose, who mournfully shook his head and
+replied:
+
+"Ah, my lord, he was indeed a good man. I lament the loss of him most
+sincerely. So much kind feeling, blended with such strict integrity,
+and so high a degree of moral purity, I never have witnessed in any
+other. I have seen strictness of principle with severity of manners,
+and I have witnessed kindness of heart with moral carelessness; but the
+late Dr Greendale had the most finely attempered mind of any man I ever
+knew. He did, or desired to do, good to everybody, and that must have
+been a hard heart which he could not soften."
+
+It was well for Lord Spoonbill at this moment that he was not of so
+susceptible a temperament as Mr Primrose, or the remark last recorded
+would have distressed him. It was in another point of view ill for
+his lordship that he had not a little more sensibility, for if he had
+he might have been moved to contrition and reflection. His lordship
+very courteously assented to every compliment which Mr Primrose felt
+disposed to pay to the late Dr Greendale. And presently his lordship
+directed the talk to other matters; for though he had not sensibility
+to be moved, yet he had enough of that kind of feeling which rendered
+him awkward under reflections and recollections. The hereditary
+legislator was also especially desirous of knowing what was to be the
+immediate destination of Miss Primrose and her father; but found, after
+a long conversation and many indirect hints, that no arrangement of any
+determinate nature had entered the mind of Mr Primrose, who probably
+thought, that for the night ensuing, he might take up his abode at the
+town residence of Lord Smatterton.
+
+At length, Lord Spoonbill, finding that it became time for him to
+return to dinner, and knowing that it would not be very agreeable
+to the Countess to take back with him father and daughter too, and
+suspecting also very strongly and very naturally that the two were
+not likely to be separated, began to make something like an apology
+to Mr Primrose for having brought him to an empty house, and offered
+such accommodation as the house might afford, expressing his great
+regret that he himself was under the necessity of returning to Lord
+Smatterton's suburban villa.
+
+These explanations and apologies roused Mr Primrose to his
+recollection, and he presently and promptly declined availing himself
+of his lordship's kind offer, and expressed his intention of taking up
+his abode at a hotel, which he named.
+
+Lord Spoonbill was satisfied. He now knew where to find Mr Primrose
+again; and so long as he was not at a loss where to seek Penelope, his
+lordship readily took his leave, with a promise that he would very
+shortly pay his respects again to his good friends.
+
+Mr Primrose and his daughter then went to their hotel, and the
+overjoyed parent endeavoured to compose himself for the sobriety
+of narrative and interrogation. Many questions were asked, and
+multitudinous digressions and recommencements and interruptions
+rendered their discourse rather less instructive than entertaining. The
+father of Penelope walked restlessly about the room, and ever and anon
+would he stop and look with an indescribable earnestness on the face of
+his child, as if to fill his mind's eye with her image, or to endeavour
+to trace her likeness to her departed mother. And from these momentary
+absorptions he would start into recollection, and utter such thrilling
+expressions of delight, that his poor child feared that the joy would
+be too much for him.
+
+Some of the human species have suffered more from joy than from sorrow.
+Ecstacy has lifted the mind to that height and giddiness as to destroy
+its self-command, and to precipitate it into the depths and darkness
+of idiocy. Penelope entertained a fear of this kind for her father.
+For she had not been accustomed to witness or yield to any very
+strong emotions. Her uncle, with whom she had lived, had been a very
+quiet man; and, in his studious retirement, life had passed smoothly
+and placidly as the waveless current of a subterranean stream. Mrs
+Greendale had experienced and manifested occasional ebullitions, but
+they were merely culinary, domestic, common-place, and transitory.
+As for herself, poor girl, deep as her feelings might have been, and
+strongly, as in various instances, she might have been moved, these
+emotions were solitary and soon suppressed.
+
+When therefore she saw her father in this state of agitation, much of
+her own joy was abated in thoughts and fears for him. But in time the
+violence of the emotion abated, and the father and daughter sat down
+together to dinner. This was a relief to them both. When the cloth was
+removed, Mr Primrose then bethought himself of Robert Darnley. Drawing
+closer to the fire, he said to Penelope; "Well, but, my dear child,
+I have not yet said a word about an old acquaintance of yours, whom
+report says you have not used handsomely. But I don't mind what report
+says. Have you quite forgot your old neighbour Robert Darnley?"
+
+Penelope sighed and shook her head, and replied, "Oh, no, my dear
+father; I have not forgotten him."
+
+"Then why did you not answer his letters?"
+
+"I answered his letters, but he did not answer mine."
+
+"What!" exclaimed Mr Primrose; "do you say that he was the person who
+dropped the correspondence? You are wrong, my dear, you are wrong. Ay,
+ay, I see how it is--some letters have not been delivered. It is all
+a misunderstanding; but it will soon be set right. I have seen the
+young man. He is now at Neverden; and he tells me that you have not
+answered his letters. But we shall soon see him in town. He would have
+come with me, but he must needs stay to eat his Christmas dinner at the
+parsonage, just to please the old folks. That of course is right; and
+if children did but know how easily parents are pleased, and how happy
+they are when their children please them, there would not be so many
+undutiful children in the world.--And so, my dear Penelope, it is all a
+mere invention that you are attached to Lord Spoonbill?"
+
+Recollecting what had that morning taken place, and from that also
+calling to mind what before she had not noticed, and what without that
+event she would have forgotten; thinking again how assiduously and
+politely attentive Lord Spoonbill had behaved towards her, she began to
+think that his lordship's attentive behaviour had been seen and noticed
+by others when it had not been obvious to herself. And these thoughts
+confused and perplexed her. Therefore she did not immediately reply to
+her father's interrogation. Her silence was observed by her anxious
+parent, and he hastily said:
+
+"What then, is it true? But it is a great pity. Robert Darnley is a
+fine spirited young man; and I am sure he did not design to drop the
+correspondence. Well, well; you are like your father, you are very
+hasty. But never mind, it cannot be helped now. And what will you say
+to poor Darnley when he sees you again; for I fully expect him up in
+town as soon as Christmas is well over? I dare say he will be here in a
+week, or a little more. I told him that he would find us at this hotel.
+And has Lord Spoonbill really made proposals to you? And have you
+accepted his offer?"
+
+The discovery which this talk of her father opened to the mind of
+Penelope moved her with feelings not describable. There was powerful
+and oppressive agitation, but whether painful or pleasurable she
+scarcely knew. Her heart was too full to speak, and her thoughts too
+hurried for utterance. The colour was in her cheeks, and the tears were
+silently falling, and presently the quick glancing eye of her father
+caught the expression of concern and deep feeling, and his impetuosity
+misinterpreted the emotion. With rapidity of utterance, and with kind
+tenderness of tone, he exclaimed, grasping her hand:
+
+"Nay, nay, my dear Penelope, do not be so afflicted. You misunderstand
+me, indeed you do. I am not angry with you. If you are really attached
+to Lord Spoonbill, and if he has a regard for you, I would not for the
+world oppose your inclinations. If you are happy, I shall be so. I
+know comparatively very little of Robert Darnley. As to what I saw of
+his father, I certainly thought not favourably. The young man appeared
+not so proud and formal as the old gentleman. But Lord Spoonbill may
+be a very excellent man, and I am sure he would not be your choice if
+he were not so. I dare say that all these stories I have heard of his
+profligacies are not true."
+
+Hereat the young lady started; and she thought that she had some faint
+recollection of having heard some obscure hints on that subject; for
+these matters are not made the topic of explicit discourse in the
+presence of young ladies. And with this impression she hastened to
+undeceive her father as to the state of her affections, protesting very
+calmly and deliberately that there had not been any transfer of her
+attachment to Lord Spoonbill from Robert Darnley. And, as connectedly
+and circumstantially as she was able, she narrated the history of her
+life, from the decease of her worthy uncle to the moment of her meeting
+with her father.
+
+Mr Primrose made his observations on these events, and expressed
+himself delighted in having arrived in England time enough to prevent
+his daughter from publicly exhibiting her musical talents. Now, in the
+course of Penelope's narrative, mention had not been made, nor did it
+seem necessary to state the fact, of Lord Spoonbill's declaration of
+devotedness, which his lordship had made that very morning. It was
+therefore unfortunate, though of no great consequence, that when the
+poor girl had finished her story, Mr Primrose said:
+
+"And so then after all Lord Spoonbill has not said a word to you on the
+subject of attachment?"
+
+It became necessary then to acknowledge what had passed in the morning;
+and the reluctance with which the acknowledgment was made very
+naturally excited some slight suspicion in the breast of Mr Primrose,
+that there was something more serious than had been acknowledged. A
+satisfactory explanation however was made, and all was right again.
+
+This trifling incident would not have been mentioned, but for the
+illustration which it affords of the value of explicitness and candour,
+and for the proof which it presents that the purest and most upright
+mind may, from a false delicacy, involve itself in serious perplexity.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+At the hotel where Mr Primrose had taken up his residence, he remained
+with his daughter for two or three weeks. Penelope and her father were
+during this time in daily expectation of seeing or hearing from Robert
+Darnley, but there came no letter, there came no visitor. Mr Primrose
+grew impatient, and talked to his daughter about writing. That Penelope
+should write was quite out of the question, nor could the young lady
+bring herself readily to allow her father to write.
+
+They both agreed that, if the young man was still seriously attached,
+he would find some way of communicating with them now all parties
+were together in England. And so he certainly would have done, had
+it not been for the false report carried to Neverden by the loyal and
+religious Zephaniah Pringle, and corroborated by the almost unanimous
+and universal talk of the people of that village. Influenced by
+this tale, he remained at Neverden spending day after day in most
+clumsily doing nothing at all. His father talked to him, his mother
+talked to him, and his sisters talked to him, but all their talk
+amounted to nothing. Disappointed affection is a painful feeling, and
+talking cannot heal it; nor was it ever known in the course of human
+experience, that calling a man a fool has been the means of making him
+wise.
+
+Whatever were the feelings of Robert Darnley on this sad blight of his
+fair hopes, he was wise enough to keep them to himself; he was indeed
+dull and listless, but he did not annoy others any farther than thus
+negatively. On the other hand, the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill had
+no sooner accomplished the mighty feat of telling Miss Primrose how
+devoted he was to her, than he must needs again invade the luxurious
+and lounging solitude of his friend Erpingham in order again to
+talk over the subject. His lordship did not indeed on the very day
+after, but at as short an interval as possible consistent with other
+engagements, call upon his luxurious friend to enjoy the pleasure of
+talking about Miss Primrose.
+
+Now Erpingham, as we have already intimated, was by no means a
+simpleton. He had wisdom enough to see through Lord Spoonbill, though
+his lordship was not always able to comprehend the logic of his old
+college companion. There is at Cambridge, as everybody knows, a
+species of animal called a tuft-hunter, that is, a plebeian man, who,
+for pence or pride, cultivates an acquaintance with the young green
+shoots of nobility that are sent to that place to learn horse-racing,
+card-playing, and mathematics, in order to make laws to preserve game
+and keep up the dignity of hereditary legislators. Now Erpingham was
+not one of that description. But there are, among the unfledged
+lordlings who honor that town and university with their superfine
+presence, some few individuals who, in order to enjoy a stronger sense
+and feeling of their own noble rank and exalted condition, seek for
+acquaintance among the untitled. Of this class was Lord Spoonbill, and
+his acquaintance thus and there formed, was Mr Erpingham.
+
+To seek an acquaintance with any individual is generally felt,
+whether it be so considered or not, as an act of humiliation. It
+is at all events a homage paid to the acquaintance thus sought. He
+that voluntarily seeks after another, involuntarily pays that other
+a compliment. And frequently that compliment is taken by those who
+receive it for more than it is really worth. By this circumstance
+therefore that the acquaintance with Erpingham had been of Lord
+Spoonbill's own seeking, the former did not quite so highly value and
+honor the young legislator as otherwise he might have done. And when
+once we can thoroughly and heartily take it into our heads that any
+man is a fool, it is no difficult matter to convince ourselves that
+he really is so. Plenty of illustrations are always at hand, if we be
+intimate with the person in question.
+
+Now, in spite of all the reverence which Mr Erpingham felt for high
+rank, he could not help thinking that his lordship was no conjuror.
+Indeed it is no more to be wished than it is to be expected that the
+House of Lords should be all conjurors. As therefore Mr Erpingham
+thought but indifferently of the understanding of his right honorable
+friend, it is not to be wondered at that Lord Spoonbill should not
+always be treated with the most profound respect. At Cambridge, indeed,
+Erpingham thought it something of an honor to be acquainted with a
+nobleman; but by degrees, and especially after leaving the university,
+the gentleman thought otherwise, and diminished much of the homage
+which he had formerly paid to that right honorable hereditary pillar of
+the Protestant succession.
+
+When therefore Lord Spoonbill made his appearance again, and
+threatened a tedious lack-a-daisical prating about love, Mr Erpingham
+almost laughed at him.
+
+"Well, Spoonbill," said the Epicurean, "and so you are coming to
+report progress. And what says this paragon of wit and beauty? I suppose
+you have made your arrangements: and am I to be honored by an
+introduction?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill shook his head, and went on tediously to relate all
+the particulars of the journey to London and the introduction to Mr
+Primrose. To all this Mr Erpingham listened very attentively; and, when
+the narrative was concluded, he drawled out, "Well, Spoonbill, and what
+then?"
+
+To that question the hereditary legislator made no direct or
+intelligible reply. His friend therefore repeated his question,
+adding: "Were you content with making a mere sentimental speech about
+your devotion to this young lady? And did not you give the slightest
+intimation of your designs?"
+
+"How could I," replied his lordship, "under these circumstances?"
+
+"Then I will tell you, my good friend, that I have done more for you
+than you have done for yourself."
+
+Lord Spoonbill started and stared, and exclaimed: "Erpingham! what do
+you mean?"
+
+"I mean what I say. Do you know Zephaniah Pringle, a literary prig,
+with whose vanity I sometimes amuse myself?"
+
+"Certainly I do," replied his lordship; "but what can he have to do
+with this matter?"
+
+"A great deal," replied Erpingham; "he is, as I suppose you know, an
+impertinent chatter-box, and whatever is trusted to him as a profound
+secret is sure to be known to all the world; so I communicated to
+him that Miss Primrose was in the high road to be placed under the
+protection of the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, and by this time
+Smatterton and its adjoining village is already in possession of the
+important secret."
+
+On hearing this, Lord Spoonbill started, as if with a strong sense of
+moral indignation, and exclaimed: "Erpingham, are you mad? What could
+you mean by circulating such a report? Suppose I should intend to marry
+Miss Primrose!"
+
+"Why, then you are less likely to have a rival."
+
+Although Lord Spoonbill was quite as profligate and unprincipled as Mr
+Erpingham, yet as his profligacy and want of principle were not managed
+and directed precisely after the model of the same vices in the conduct
+of his friend, his lordship took credit to himself that he could enjoy
+the pleasure of reproving the vicious principles of this Epicurean. But
+though he expressed a feeling of indignation at the cool, deliberate
+viciousness of this son of luxury and sensuality, he felt no little
+satisfaction in the thought that this report must infallibly reach the
+ears of Mr Robert Darnley, and thus prevent any further attempt on his
+part to renew the acquaintance with Penelope.
+
+It may seem rather strange to some part of our readers, that a man who
+could descend to the meanness of intercepting letters, should lift up
+his voice and turn up his eyes at the sin of circulating false reports
+touching the character and situation of a young woman, and that this
+same man should deliberately meditate on schemes for placing that young
+woman in that situation which he professed to think so degrading. But
+there is a wonderful difference in the apprehension which men entertain
+of the same vices under different circumstances. There is also
+observable in the feelings of Lord Spoonbill, on the present occasion,
+the readiness and satisfaction with which a man will cheerfully avail
+himself of the benefits derivable from the vicious or unprincipled
+conduct of others.
+
+The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill seemed to think that his friend
+Erpingham had behaved very unhandsomely and disrespectfully to Penelope
+by causing such a rumour to get into circulation; but, when it
+occurred to him that some advantage might be taken of the said rumour,
+his indignation was abated, and all his reproof was softened down into
+merely saying:
+
+"Really, Erpingham, you are too bad."
+
+Everybody who is worse than ourselves is too bad; everybody, whose
+vices differ from ours, is too bad. Lord Spoonbill was selfish,
+sensual, and unprincipled; but he endeavoured to conceal his character,
+and, from attempting to deceive others, had come at last to deceive
+himself; and he really did flatter himself that there was some good
+in his character, and some good feelings in his heart. But Erpingham,
+on the other hand, did not play the hypocrite either to himself or
+to others; he was definite and decided, and he took to himself some
+little credit for the unblushing honesty of his conduct and character.
+He smiled contemptuously at the meanness and littleness of his friend
+Spoonbill's vices; but this meanness was essential to the very
+existence of his vices, he would have been frightened at himself had
+he seen his own moral features without a mask.
+
+There was this difference in the character of these two friends, that
+had Erpingham had the same object in view as Lord Spoonbill, he would
+have pursued it unblushingly, unhesitatingly, and without remorse. He
+would have intercepted letters, but he would not have shuddered when
+he had them in his possession; nor would he have hesitated to open
+them, if that would have forwarded his schemes. There would have been
+no demur or doubt, but everything would have been rendered subservient
+to his villanous purposes. But Lord Spoonbill was not so straitforward
+in his roguery, he was a more pusillanimous profligate. The difference
+between the two is, that Erpingham was an object of indignation, and
+Lord Spoonbill of contempt.
+
+Seeing therefore how matters now stood, the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill thought that he might as well pursue his first object with
+regard to Penelope, and not, at least for the present, think or say a
+word concerning marriage. And it was a great consolation to him in the
+course of his meditations to think how much more unprincipled Erpingham
+was than he.
+
+From a long, and to the Epicurean a wearying discussion, Lord Spoonbill
+returned to his home; and on his return he found that the Countess
+was quite angry, and that her patience was exhausted in waiting for
+Penelope's return. The young lady had indeed mentioned the subject
+to her father, but he did not think any further acknowledgments
+necessary than he had already personally made to the heir of the house
+of Smatterton. Nor could Mr Primrose persuade himself that any very
+high tribute of gratitude was due for that species of patronage which
+the Countess of Smatterton had proposed for his daughter. It was his
+feeling, that her ladyship had in view her own gratification quite as
+much as the welfare of Penelope.
+
+When therefore Lord Spoonbill found that the Countess was still
+expecting either the return of Miss Primrose, or some grateful
+intimation that the proffered patronage was declined, he thought it an
+excellent opportunity to propose a call on Mr Primrose; and, after some
+of the usual prate about condescension and dignity, the young lord, on
+the following morning, rode up to town.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+When a lady finds herself a second time alone with a gentleman who has
+once addressed her on an interesting topic, but whose address has not
+been altogether pleasant and agreeable, the lady's situation is by no
+means enviable. It is more distressing still when, in the recollection
+of the young lady, there are yet lingering the faint relics of brighter
+and better hopes.
+
+This was the situation of Penelope when Lord Spoonbill called upon
+her. Mr Primrose was not within: business demanded his attention in
+the City, and there he was likely to be detained some hours. The
+young lord, with well feigned seriousness, expressed his regret that
+he should be so unfortunate as not to meet with Mr Primrose, and
+he added that he would call again if Mr Primrose was likely soon to
+return. When however he heard that Penelope did not expect her father
+till dinner-time, he was more pleased with the information than he
+professed to be. Miss Primrose very respectfully enquired after the
+Earl and Countess of Smatterton; and, in replying to those enquiries,
+Lord Spoonbill took the opportunity of hinting that her ladyship felt
+somewhat anxious to know whether the return of Mr Primrose to England
+had induced Penelope to relinquish the thought of that profession which
+she had recently contemplated, and for which immediate preparation
+became otherwise necessary and important.
+
+In reply to this enquiry, Penelope informed his lordship that her
+father had expressed himself decidedly of opinion that such pursuit
+would not be agreeable to himself or necessary for his daughter. Lord
+Spoonbill cared little for the disappointment, except that it would
+be in the way of his schemes, and render the arrangement which he
+meditated rather more difficult of execution. So far as expectation was
+concerned, he was prepared for this event; but he was not prepared with
+any plan that he might immediately pursue.
+
+After the common-place talk was finished, his lordship thought that he
+ought to take his leave; but he was reluctant to go, and he did not
+know how to stay. Penelope also wished him gone, for she was afraid
+of a renewal of an unpleasant topic. The young lady also took no
+particular pains to conceal that wish, and his lordship was not quite
+so flat as not to discern that his presence was not very acceptable.
+In truth, his situation was grievously perplexing, and a wiser man
+than he would have been at a loss in such circumstances how to act. It
+was clear to him that Penelope had not quite forgotten Robert Darnley;
+it was also obvious that Lord Spoonbill was not yet essential to the
+happiness of Miss Primrose; he most earnestly desired to render
+himself agreeable to Miss Primrose, and he very well knew that nothing
+could be more agreeable than that he should take his leave; but that
+would not have been agreeable to himself; and greatly as he desired
+to do anything that might recommend him to the approbation of Miss
+Primrose, he was equally desirous of avoiding anything that might be
+disagreeable or unpleasant to himself.
+
+Lord Spoonbill is not to be regarded in this instance as differing so
+very widely from the rest of the world. Other lovers frequently have
+the same ideas on the subject of the mutual accommodation of themselves
+and their adored ones. And if, after this observation, any individual
+of the gentler sex should be deceived by professions and protestations
+of disinterestedness, the fault will be hers and not ours.
+
+In this embarrassing situation in which Lord Spoonbill was placed,
+it occurred to his most fertile imagination that it might greatly
+forward his designs upon Penelope, if, by any means, he could contrive
+to bring the young lady to think unhandsomely of Robert Darnley. It
+certainly would not do for his lordship to make any direct allusion
+to this young gentleman; for it was hardly supposed by Miss Primrose
+that there existed in the mind of his lordship any knowledge of the
+acquaintance between her and the son of the rector of Neverden;
+and such was his lordship's clumsiness in the management of his
+irregularities, that he was even fearful of the most indirect allusion
+to Robert Darnley, lest, in making that allusion, he might betray
+himself.
+
+At length it came into his lordship's most sagacious head that,
+although it might be hazardous to make any allusion to Neverden, there
+could not be much risk incurred by enquiring after Mrs Greendale,
+therefore he ventured to ask, as if for want of something else to say,
+if Miss Primrose had lately heard from Smatterton, and in making this
+enquiry he endeavoured to watch the countenance of the young lady
+most narrowly, in order to observe whether the mention of Smatterton
+produced any deep emotion as connected with Neverden. Penelope answered
+with perfect composure, and informed the hereditary legislator that Mrs
+Greendale had not written to her since her departure from Smatterton.
+
+After mentioning Mrs Greendale, his lordship proceeded to some more
+common talk, merely and obviously to delay his departure; and he
+manifested in this kind of talk that he had a great wish to recur to
+that topic which he had introduced on the morning of Mr Primrose's
+meeting with his daughter. But if it was evident to Penelope that such
+was his lordship's wish, it was quite as evident to his lordship that
+the young lady was equally uneasy under the apprehension, and dreaded
+the repetition of a discussion which at its first introduction had so
+distressed her thoughts.
+
+And now it would have been absolutely and uncontrollably necessary for
+Lord Spoonbill to take his leave, and he must have taken his leave,
+not knowing when or how he might find Penelope again, had it not been
+for one of those unexpected and extraordinary accidents which often
+change the aspect of a whole life. This accident was neither more nor
+less than the sudden return of Mr Primrose to his hotel.
+
+By the expression of Mr Primrose's countenance, which seldom indeed
+concealed or belied the emotions of his mind, it was visible that some
+calamity had befallen him, or at least that something had occurred to
+discompose him. It might not be anything very serious; Penelope hoped
+it was not; for, during the short time that she had been with her
+father she had had abundant occasion of observing that such was the
+susceptibility of his feelings, that the expressions of joy and sorrow
+were soon excited, and that by a very slight and trifling occurrence.
+
+But it was soon manifest that it was no trivial circumstance that
+oppressed the spirits of her father in the present instance. When
+he entered the apartment he scarcely noticed his daughter or Lord
+Spoonbill. He took the former by the hand, and to the latter he
+slightly bowed; and this was his only recognition of them, for he did
+not open his lips, and he scarcely directed his looks towards them. His
+lips were closely compressed, as if he feared that by opening them he
+should betray or give way to stronger expressions of grief than might
+well become him. He sat himself down upon a chair and looked listlessly
+out into the street, moving neither feature nor muscle, except that the
+vibration of his eyelids was more rapid than usual.
+
+Lord Spoonbill was now at a loss whether to offer his sympathy or to
+take his departure. He could not, with any great propriety, leave
+the room without taking some notice of Mr Primrose; but such was the
+expression of the poor man's countenance, that it seemed that merely
+to speak to him in the most common-place manner imaginable would be
+to distress his feelings, and to burst open that flood of grief which
+he seemed to endeavour to restrain. Directing therefore an enquiring
+look to Penelope, and again turning towards Mr Primrose, his lordship,
+by these looks and the movements which accompanied them, intimated
+an intention of departing, if his presence were a restraint. Seeing
+that Mr Primrose kept his position, and that no change was made in his
+features, his lordship was just whispering to Penelope that he was
+sorry to see her father under such depression, and that it might be
+agreeable that he should leave them, Mr Primrose hastily started up and
+said;
+
+"I beg your pardon, Lord Spoonbill, for my rudeness, but I have met
+with a shock this morning that has completely subdued me."
+
+At this speech, Penelope caught her father's hand with tender
+eagerness, and asked, as well as her feelings would allow, what was the
+nature of the misfortune that he had met with. Most tenderly, and with
+a tone which reached even the heart of Lord Spoonbill, Mr Primrose said;
+
+"My dear, dear child, you are a dependent again, and God knows how soon
+you may be an orphan indeed."
+
+Before Penelope could speak, and indeed before she well comprehended
+her father's meaning, the distressed man directed his speech to Lord
+Spoonbill, saying;
+
+"Could you believe it possible, my lord, that such deliberate villains
+should exist in a Christian country, as to take from a man the little
+property which he had been toiling for years to accumulate, to take
+what they knew they never could restore. Those villains suffered me,
+but ten days ago, to deposit my all in their hands, and now they have
+stopped payment; and from all that I can hear in the City, I am not
+likely to receive above one shilling in the pound, and I may wait
+months, or perhaps years, for that."
+
+It may be in the recollection of the reader, that Lord Spoonbill was
+described in an early part of this narrative as being unduly and
+indecently pleased to hear of the illness of Dr Greendale, as exulting
+in the thought that the decease of that worthy, kind-hearted man would
+afford his lordship a more convenient opportunity of pursuing his
+schemes against the peace and innocence of Penelope Primrose. It will
+not therefore appear very surprizing if that same hereditary legislator
+should regard the present calamity of Mr Primrose as an agreeable
+circumstance to himself, and as greatly favouring his designs. There
+was however, in the contemplation of this misfortune of the father
+of Penelope, a desire also on the part of his lordship to contribute
+towards its alleviation. Lord Spoonbill was a profligate, and he was a
+mean, contemptible fellow; but he was not a devil incarnate, delighting
+in mischief or wickedness purely for its own sake. He wished Mr
+Primrose no ill, he had no desire to inflict any injuries or to give
+pain to any one, but he loved himself, and he pursued his own plans for
+his own pleasure, and he was pleased with whatever gave him promise or
+hope of success, even though that very circumstance should be the death
+or injury of another.
+
+Seeing, therefore, that in the present circumstances there was
+something which afforded him promise, he was pleased, and being pleased
+he very kindly sympathised with Mr Primrose, and expressed a wish that
+matters might not be quite so bad as was expected.
+
+Mr Primrose took his lordship's sympathy very kindly, and his mind was
+soothed by it; and with rather more self-possession than might have
+been expected, he replied; "For myself, I care but little; but it is
+mortifying, after so long an absence from my native land, and after so
+much toil and perseverance for the sake of my own and only child, to
+find that all the fruit of that toil is swept away at once."
+
+Penelope, who had been overwhelmed by the suddenness of the
+intelligence, had scarcely spoken; but now assuming with great success
+a calmness and resolvedness of manner, said to her father:
+
+"If that be all the calamity, my dear father, it is easily remedied.
+The Countess of Smatterton has been kind enough to promise me her
+high patronage, and to facilitate my efforts towards providing an
+independency, and Lord Spoonbill has but this moment, just before
+you returned, been enquiring whether or not I design to continue my
+preparation for that pursuit."
+
+"No, no, my Penelope, that is an occupation which I am sure can never
+suit your taste. I will not on any account consent to that. How can
+I bear to think of my own child exerting and wasting her strength to
+amuse the public, and to see her standing before a promiscuous and
+unfeeling multitude, exposed to the rudeness and insolence of loudly
+expressed disapprobation and extempore criticism?"
+
+"Nay, my good sir," said Lord Spoonbill in his pleasantest manner;
+"there is no danger, and there need be no fear, that Miss Primrose will
+ever incur disapprobation; whatever loud expressions there may be, will
+be expressions of applause and delight."
+
+"And that," rejoined Mr Primrose, "is almost as bad. To stand up
+before a multitude and beg for their applause, even if the applause be
+gained, is to my feelings humiliating. To a female it is more painful
+still. I cannot brook the idea of being dependent on a multitude, a
+capricious mass of, perhaps, gross and indiscriminating individuals."
+
+Lord Spoonbill was so much delighted with the probability of Miss
+Primrose's return to the condescending and discriminating patronage
+of the Countess of Smatterton, that the anticipation made him more
+than usually eloquent and logical; and there was something also in the
+manner of Mr Primrose that excited the hereditary legislator to use his
+utmost powers of persuasion. He therefore thus pursued the subject:
+
+"But, sir, it is not merely in that profession which Miss Primrose
+contemplates, that the public takes the liberty of expressing its
+opinion. The highest personage in the kingdom is not exempt from
+expressions of public censure or public applause; and when a nobleman
+in the House of Peers, or a gentleman in the House of Commons, rises
+and expresses his sentiments on any question of policy, the public
+takes the liberty to express, and sometimes very loudly and rudely, an
+opinion of the merits or demerits of such speech."
+
+"Yes, my lord, you are talking very plausibly; but you must feel that
+there is a wide difference between the two cases. You cannot by such
+arguments cheat me out of my feelings. I thought it a calamity when I
+heard that my child meditated that profession, and I was delighted that
+it was in my power to save her from such a painful publicity."
+
+It was not perhaps quite consistent with the strictest veracity when
+Penelope, interrupting her father, said: "Indeed, my dear father, you
+quite misunderstand me, if you think that I should feel any unpleasant
+sensations in that publicity."
+
+Mr Primrose saw clearly enough the motive of that speech; and he began
+to wish that this discussion had not taken place in the presence of a
+third person; and Lord Spoonbill saw that this feeling oppressed the
+poor man. With a degree of propriety and delicacy therefore, which he
+could readily assume when it suited his purpose, he concluded his visit
+by saying:
+
+"Well, Mr Primrose, I will not intrude upon you any longer for the
+present; and I can only say, that I hope you will not find the affairs
+of your banker quite so bad as you expect; but if you should, then I
+will venture to say that the Earl of Smatterton will not forget a near
+relative of the late respected Dr Greendale. Our family will be in
+town in a few days, and I shall be most happy then to repeat my call.
+And should Miss Primrose still persist in wishing to adopt the musical
+profession, a patroness and every possible assistance will not be
+wanting."
+
+In this there was much kindness, and Mr Primrose was accordingly
+pleased with the young lord, and forgot for a moment that he had ever
+heard any stories to his discredit. And, when the father and daughter
+were left alone, they entered into long and serious talk concerning
+their respective prospects.
+
+Mr Primrose was not left absolutely pennyless by the stopping of his
+banker; but the greater part of his property was gone if, as report
+stated, the house should be only able to pay one shilling in the pound.
+Indeed, upon the supposition of a much larger dividend, the property,
+which would then remain to Mr Primrose, would be but a very narrow
+and scanty independence. He had not made so very large a fortune in
+India as some persons are said to have accumulated; but, as soon as he
+had acquired what he thought a respectable competence, he returned to
+England to have as much as possible the enjoyment of his daughter's
+company, and those pleasures which none but a native land is capable of
+affording.
+
+When he had stated to Penelope as accurately and fully as possible the
+various particulars relative to his property, and mentioned the sources
+from whence the rumours came concerning the incompetency of his banker,
+the young lady very composedly expressed her readiness to avail
+herself of the proffered patronage of the Countess of Smatterton.
+There appeared so much sincerity and cheerfulness in the proposal,
+that Mr Primrose felt himself considerably relieved: and not only did
+there appear sincerity in the language used by Penelope, but there
+really was what there appeared to be. For reluctant as she might have
+been to engage in such a profession merely for the gratification of a
+patroness, she felt very differently when she thought that she might
+thereby be an assistance to her father.
+
+Hurt as Mr Primrose's feelings, or pride, might have been at the
+thought of receiving assistance from his own daughter, whom he had
+hoped to place in a state of independence, and mortified as he might be
+at the prospect of the young lady making a public appearance, yet he
+had but little to say to the repeated enquiry which Penelope made in
+answer to all his objections; for invariably his remarks were followed
+by the question--"What else can be done?"
+
+It was too late for Mr Primrose to return to India; and the patronage
+or interest which once had favoured him now existed for him no longer.
+He had not been brought up to any profession whereby he might gain a
+livelihood in England, and he had been accustomed to a style of living
+which rendered daily bread a more expensive article to him than to
+those of humbler prospects.
+
+A very distressing and heart-rending scene may be drawn of human
+suffering from the lowest and most abject of the children of penury and
+destitution. But we have our doubts whether the bitterest and keenest
+sense of suffering is really in that class. The poor gentleman suffers
+mentally, and while the beggar who lives on casual charity has an
+occasional luxury in a full meal, he, whose poverty must be hidden but
+cannot be unknown, is labouring under an unremitting and incessant
+pressure; and it is this that wastes away the body to a mere shadow and
+bows down the spirit to the earth. They are cruel and unfeeling indeed,
+who mock such misery as this. We envy not the talent which can draw
+mirth from a source so painful.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+Another morning dawned, and with its opening light there came to the
+father of Penelope a feeling of his comparatively destitute situation.
+His heart swelled as he thought of it, and he had some difficulty to
+preserve composure enough to meet his child. There was however one
+drop of consolation in the cup of his affliction, for it was not by
+his own fault or folly that his present loss was occasioned. But even
+this consolation afflicted him, for it brought to his recollection his
+past folly, and reminded him of the patient endurance with which the
+mother of his Penelope had borne up, as long as possible, against her
+sufferings. He recollected how gradually and slowly she sunk, and how
+to the very last moment of life her looks were to him all tenderness
+and forgiveness. And he thought that he could also discern in his child
+those same moral features which had been the grace and glory of her
+departed mother.
+
+Commanding his feelings as well as he could, he commenced the talk
+concerning the calamity of the preceding day. His heart was touched by
+the cheerful manner in which Penelope referred to the proposal of the
+Countess of Smatterton, and he smiled through his tears to hear how
+sanguinely the poor girl talked of the certainty of high success. But
+as yet all was in uncertainty.
+
+His banker, in whose hands he had placed the greater part of his
+property, had certainly stopped payment; but it could not yet be
+ascertained when his affairs would be put into a train for settlement,
+nor was it likely that one so little acquainted with the City as Mr
+Primrose should be able to form any idea of the dividend which might
+be paid. He certainly had heard it said that no greater dividend would
+be forthcoming, than one shilling in the pound. But people in the City
+sometimes tells lies not knowing them to be lies, and sometimes even do
+they go so far as to tell lies knowing them to be so.
+
+Mr Primrose was a very hasty man, catching up whatever he heard, and
+taking it for granted that all he heard was true. He never thought of
+enquiring what was the political party to which his banker belonged,
+nor did he know to what party those persons attached themselves who
+told him the melancholy story of that banker's inability to pay more
+than one shilling in the pound. As for Mr Primrose himself, he, poor
+man, knew nothing about party; he was not aware that England contained
+two classes of men, one of which is all that is good, and the other
+all that is bad. He simply knew that the banker had stopped payment,
+and that two very respectable-looking gentlemen had declared it as
+their opinion that there would not be a dividend of more than one
+shilling in the pound. That story he believed, and on that presumption
+was proceeding. His daughter of course could know nothing about the
+matter; and as for the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, he was such a
+superfine sort of a gentleman that he hardly knew that there was such a
+place as the City; and if he had ever heard of such an animal as a City
+Alderman, he took it for some such a creature as the Bonassus.
+
+Now this melancholy intelligence, which Mr Primrose had brought with
+him from the City, put a stop of course to those employments in which
+he would otherwise have been engaged. He was preparing to look out
+for some residence, either in town or country; and for that purpose
+he had every morning read with great attention all the advertisements
+of desirable residences to be sold or let. It was not very pleasant
+to turn from these thoughts to study painfully the means of again
+acquiring a maintenance.
+
+It was more especially distressing to him to observe how anxiously his
+poor child now supplicated as a favour to be permitted to engage in an
+occupation, from which he knew that, under other circumstances, she
+would have timidly shrunk. He was afflicted to hear such solicitations;
+but he had so much pleasure in his daughter's society, and so little
+occasion to go out, that he remained in his hotel the greater part of
+the morning, or more properly speaking the day. Towards evening however
+it occurred to him, and to any one else it would have occurred much
+earlier, that it might be the means of setting his mind a little at
+rest, and of giving him some little ground of hope, if he should go
+once more into the City and enquire of his agent into the probability
+of a settlement or arrangement of his banker's affairs.
+
+While Mr Primrose was gone into the City Penelope was left mournfully
+alone. It is indeed very dull to spend a long solitary evening in a
+strange place without occupation, and with nothing to think upon but
+painful recollections and fearful anticipations.
+
+The room in which the poor girl was left was large and well furnished,
+but there were no books in it, and the pictures were but indifferent
+engravings in splendid frames. There was a newspaper, but that was soon
+exhausted. There were many persons in the house, but Penelope knew none
+of them, and none of them cared about her.
+
+It had been very different at Smatterton, and at Neverden; in those two
+villages everybody knew her, and everybody loved her more or less; and
+there she never felt herself alone, for she knew that her good uncle
+was near her, and there is some pleasure in knowing that a good friend
+is near us. There, when she heard footsteps and voices, they were
+familiar voices and the footsteps of friends; but in the large hotel,
+where she sat alone waiting for her father, she heard only the voices
+of strangers. And when for the sake of a little variety she drew
+aside the drapery of the long windows and looked down upon the lamp
+illuminated street, there was something quite melancholy in the dim
+appearance and the monotonous sounds. Carriage-wheels seemed to roll
+incessantly, and their passing lights were miserably reflected from
+myriads of little puddles coldly shining amidst the uneven pavement.
+
+There was a specimen or two to be heard of the London cries; but there
+was no music in them, and they fell upon the ear with a strangely
+unpleasant effect, intermingled with the occasional sound of a street
+organ. Penelope strained her attention to listen to the music, and it
+was pleasant to her, though the images which it raised in her mind
+were those only of sad regrets. There is more effect produced by those
+street organs than people in general are aware of. Shall we be pardoned
+the strangeness of the expression, if we say that they sometimes give
+a wholesome agitation to the stagnation of the moral atmosphere? And
+shall we be still farther pardoned if we digress, for the sake of
+illustrating by an anecdote the above singular expression? By such a
+digression we are not interrupting our narrative, which is now indeed,
+like its pensive heroine, standing still.
+
+A father had lost an affectionate and promising child, over whose
+long lingering illness he had watched anxiously but hopelessly. The
+poor child had suffered patiently, but had experienced some intervals
+of ease, and some sensations even of delight. A popular melody had
+caught his fancy, and when the wandering organist of that neighbourhood
+played his favourite air, the little sufferer's eyes would brighten,
+and his pale transparent hand would beat the time as knowingly as an
+amateur. That was a scene for a parent to recollect. And the poor
+little one died, and the father, when he had seen the grave closed
+upon the child's remains, returned to his home in a state of apathy:
+feeling seemed to have perished in him. The organist made his
+accustomed round, played the favourite air; the bereaved father was
+awakened to the agony of remembrance, and those tears flowed freely and
+spontaneously, which told that feeling had not departed.
+
+By the itinerant musicians the feelings of Penelope were awakened; but
+she could not help observing how much less emotion she experienced than
+formerly, when these well-known melodies brought to her mind thoughts
+of the absent and the distant. Her mind was otherwise engaged and her
+thoughts otherwise directed. Little did she imagine, when she had been
+anxiously expecting and joyfully anticipating her father's return to
+England, that so dark a cloud would obscure the first dawn of her
+happiness. While she was thus wearing away the slowly moving hours, the
+door of the apartment was opened and Lord Spoonbill made his appearance.
+
+It is a great evil that virtuous men should ever make themselves
+disagreeable, and it is also a great evil that vicious men should
+make themselves agreeable; but the latter is quite as common as the
+former, and perhaps more so. He that exercises no reflection, and never
+turns his thoughts within, has so much the more attention to give to
+the external of manner and address. And so much had Lord Spoonbill
+cultivated manner, that although Penelope had reason to suppose him
+to be no conjuror, and though she had also reason to think that his
+morals were not the most pure, yet he was not altogether offensive and
+disagreeable to her. She could not but feel almost grateful to him
+for having so readily abstained from urging the topic which he had
+mentioned on the day of her meeting with her father. It also appeared
+to her highly flattering and complimentary, that a person of his
+lordship's rank should deign to pay court to one of inferior station;
+for there was not in her mind the slightest or remotest suspicion that
+Lord Spoonbill had any other than the most honourable intention in
+making a profession of attachment.
+
+When his lordship made his appearance, he was received cordially and
+as cheerfully as circumstances would permit. Penelope had now fully
+made up her mind to adopt the profession recommended by the Countess
+of Smatterton, and as Lord Spoonbill had on the previous day, in
+conversation with Mr Primrose, used arguments rather recommendatory
+of that step, the young lady could not of course imagine that there
+remained in his lordship's mind any intention whatever of pursuing the
+subject of his attachment, or renewing any mention of his love and
+devotedness.
+
+This thought gave to her manner a much greater ease, and being also
+blended with the pensiveness of her present feelings, presented her to
+the eye of Lord Spoonbill as more interesting and lovely than ever.
+His lordship was a vain man; and to possess so lovely a creature as
+Penelope, would be the means of gratifying his vanity. He was cunning
+enough however to see that Miss Primrose was quite unsuspicious of his
+designs, and that she did not anticipate a revival of that discourse to
+which her earnest supplications had put a stop. He felt therefore that
+it would not be prudent hastily to recommence a conversation of that
+nature, but to endeavour to render himself more agreeable, and to try
+to ascertain how far there yet remained in her recollection any tender
+thoughts of Robert Darnley.
+
+Such were his lordship's intentions, but they were frustrated by the
+manner in which Penelope spoke, and by the decision with which she
+proposed to cast herself on the patronage of the Countess, and to adopt
+the profession so earnestly recommended by her ladyship. Lord Spoonbill
+to this proposal replied, that the Countess would be most happy to
+afford Miss Primrose all the assistance in her power; and his lordship
+was also pleased to say, that this resolution would contribute very
+essentially to increase the attractions of Lady Smatterton's parties.
+
+Penelope sighed and almost shuddered at the thought; but, as the
+effort was made for the sake of her father, she subdued or concealed
+her reluctance. It was of course understood by his lordship, that this
+resolution of the young lady arose from the loss which her father had
+experienced; it was therefore very natural that some expressions of
+sympathy and concern should be used on the occasion by the hereditary
+legislator. These expressions were gratefully received by Penelope,
+though her language of acknowledgment was only the language of looks
+and imperfectly suppressed tears.
+
+Lord Spoonbill interpreted this emotion as an omen in his favour; and
+he was tempted by his evil genius to say something farther in allusion
+to the prohibited topic. He was greatly and agreeably surprised to
+hear no express and hasty interruption; and fearful lest this silence
+should proceed only from abstraction of mind, he went on to speak more
+decidedly and less equivocally concerning his attachment to the young
+lady. Penelope gave symptoms of understanding his lordship, but shewed
+no decided or obvious marks of disapprobation. There seemed to be,
+and there certainly was, a strong conflict in her mind. She had not,
+indeed, ceased to think tenderly and affectionately of Robert Darnley;
+but she had nearly, if not altogether, ceased to hope. The conflict in
+her mind was between her affection for her father and her indifference
+to Lord Spoonbill. We will not say that her vanity was not flattered by
+the apparent offer of so splendid an alliance. It perhaps influenced
+her as little as it would influence any one; but when the mind is just
+recovering from the pains and mortifications of a first disappointment,
+it is mightily indifferent to matters of sentiment. The very loss of a
+first love is of itself so great an affliction, that it appears as if
+no condition of being could render the affliction greater.
+
+Finding that Penelope returned no answer to his protestations of
+attachment, and that she did not withdraw her hand from his grasp, his
+lordship proceeded to urge his suit in the common language adapted
+for such occasions as the present, and used by such persons as his
+lordship. Penelope, fancying that she was about to give her consent
+to become Lady Spoonbill, prefaced that consent by expressing her
+fears that the Earl and Countess of Smatterton would look down, with
+disapprobation at least, on one so humble and portionless. To obviate
+this objection his lordship, who did not, or who would not see the
+misapprehension of the young lady, observed that the Earl and Countess
+need not know anything of the arrangement.
+
+"But how is that possible?" inquired Penelope in the simplicity of her
+heart.
+
+In explaining that possibility his lordship also explained the object
+which he had in view in making a declaration of his attachment. Now
+Penelope, who had been brought up under the roof and instruction of Dr
+Greendale, and who knew no more of the world than the world knew of
+her, was not able immediately and readily to comprehend his lordship's
+meaning, and when she did comprehend it, she was shocked and astonished
+at it; her pride also, of which she possessed constitutionally an
+abundant share, took alarm at the indignity, and she would, but for the
+utter depression of her spirits, have resented the insult loudly and
+contemptuously. As it was, her only resource was in a copious flood of
+silent tears, and when her paroxysm of anguish was somewhat abated, so
+that she could find utterance for words, she said:
+
+"My Lord Spoonbill, let me request you to leave me. My father will soon
+return, and if he should learn what has passed, I cannot answer for the
+consequences."
+
+The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill began to discern symptoms of a
+horsewhipping, and having acted dishonorably, he looked foolishly. It
+was not generous to attempt to take advantage of the misfortunes of Mr
+Primrose, and the destitute condition of Penelope. But there was in
+his lordship's heart so great a regard for Penelope, that he resolved
+at all events to make her his own, and that if marriage was the only
+condition, he would offer her marriage. With this view he stammered out
+something which he intended as an apology, and endeavoured, as well
+as he could, to unsay all that he had said concerning the humiliating
+arrangement which he had at first proposed; but Penelope heard him not,
+or if hearing, heeded him not.
+
+Hereupon his lordship became more earnest in his solicitations, and
+made such clumsy attempts to explain away his first proposal, that the
+young lady began to think more contemptuously of him than she had ever
+thought before. And now his lordship saw that there was some truth
+and justice in the observations which had been thrown out by his
+friend Erpingham. Seeing the lady so resolute and obdurate, he thought
+it would be the wisest step that he could take to leave her for the
+present, in hope that hereafter her indignation might somewhat abate.
+
+When he was gone, the poor, perplexed, and almost desolate one, felt
+in some measure relieved by his absence; but, when she began to
+reflect, she found that her hopes of the patronage of Lady Smatterton
+were now gone; for it would be absolutely impossible for her to
+place herself again in a situation where she might be exposed to
+the importunities of Lord Spoonbill. And when at a late hour in the
+evening her father returned from the City, it was too much for her to
+receive him cheerfully, and she could no longer speak sanguinely and
+with confidence concerning her prospects under the patronage of Lady
+Smatterton.
+
+As for Mr Primrose, no brighter prospect seemed to shine before him;
+for he had gained no intelligence. He had found, as he might have
+expected, the office of his agent closed, and there was no one in the
+house who could give him the slightest information. He was astonished
+at the world's apathy; no one seemed to sympathise with him. Everybody
+was wrapped up in their own concerns, and the thoughts of all seemed
+to be centred in themselves. This is indeed not much to be wondered
+at. It is the way of the world, and always has been, and always will,
+until some change takes place which we cannot yet anticipate or
+conjecture. It was pleasantly observed by a sentimental jockey, who
+lost by a considerable length the first race he ever rode, "I'll never
+ride another race as long as I live. The riders are the most selfish,
+narrow-minded creatures on the face of the earth. They kept riding and
+galloping as fast as they could, and never had once the kindness or
+civility to stop for me."
+
+In some such state of mind as this was Mr Primrose when he returned
+from his fruitless excursion in the City. All the inquiries which
+he had made about his agent, as to where he was, and how long the
+office had been shut, and what time it would be open tomorrow, and
+ten thousand other matters, had been answered with a toil-saving
+brevity and a coldness, which intimated that the persons answering the
+questions had not so great an interest in them as the person asking
+them.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+
+Many days had now passed away since Mr Primrose had left Neverden and
+Smatterton, and since Robert Darnley had expressed his resolution
+to make prompt inquiry into the cause of the interruption of the
+correspondence between Penelope and himself. There had arrived no
+intelligence from the young gentleman: but Mr Primrose began now to
+think that he himself had not done right in listening and yielding to
+the delicate scruples of his daughter. The father of Penelope was of
+that complexion of mind that, under similar circumstances, he would
+have thanked any one for removing any misunderstanding, even had it
+been the lady herself.
+
+He knew that Robert Darnley had not been the wilful cause of breaking
+off the correspondence, and he knew also that his own daughter had
+not neglected to answer the letters which she had received. He knew
+that the parties were attached to each other, and he had learned from
+Penelope herself that there was no foundation for the story of her
+attachment to Lord Spoonbill. Now what should prevent him from writing
+to Neverden to inform the young gentleman of this fact? He thought that
+it would be an act of kindness to both parties. Nevertheless, it should
+be observed, that Mr Primrose was not one of those terribly kind people
+who force their kindness upon one, whether we like it or not, as the
+man who beat his wife and said, "It is all for your good, my dear."
+
+When therefore he was fully satisfied that it would be but an act of
+kindness to his daughter to remove the mystery from the mind of Robert
+Darnley, he did not take this step without first consulting her for
+whose benefit such step was to be taken. At breakfast he said to
+Penelope:
+
+"So, my dear, my excursion into the City was to no purpose last night.
+I find that I must make an earlier visit, and therefore I shall go
+again to-day. I hope and trust I may find matters not quite so bad as
+I first anticipated. And I think that you need not be in a very great
+hurry to engage in this profession. I cannot say I like patronage. But
+why should not we take some steps to let Robert Darnley know that the
+breaking off the correspondence was not your act? I think I ought to
+write to him. Indeed I almost promised that I would. Very likely he may
+be waiting till he hears from me."
+
+"My dear father," exclaimed Penelope, "you surely would not think of
+such a step as that. It would be exceedingly indelicate, and might
+expose me to contempt. Mr Darnley knows that I am in London, and if
+he were at all disposed to renew the correspondence, or to have an
+explanation of the cause of its interruption, he would either have
+written or have made his appearance in town. Knowing that I was at Lord
+Smatterton's, it was no difficult matter to write to me; for the letter
+would be sure to find me, if directed under cover to his lordship."
+
+"But, my dear child," interrupted Mr Primrose, "I think he expects to
+hear from me; for I recollect now having said something to that effect."
+
+"But after this long interval, if Mr Darnley were really anxious, and
+at all concerned about me, he would have written to press you to the
+performance of your promise."
+
+"He might have done so to be sure," said her father, slowly and
+thoughtfully, and then, as if recollecting himself, he continued in a
+livelier and quicker tone; "but perhaps, as he has not heard from me,
+he takes it for granted that you really were desirous of dropping the
+correspondence; and so after all you will appear to him as the person
+by whose act and deed the acquaintance has ceased."
+
+"And what will he, or can he think," rejoined Penelope, "if, under
+present circumstances, there should be on my part an effort made to
+renew the acquaintance? No, no; let the matter rest. Even if you did
+promise to write first, you may be sure that he would not have waited
+patiently all this while in expectation of hearing from you. He might
+naturally enough suppose that I should object to having overtures made
+as from me; and if he had a real regard for me, we should have heard
+from him by this time. My attachment to Mr Darnley was founded on the
+qualities and endowments of the mind, and if I were deceived as to
+them, that attachment will soon die away."
+
+"Upon my word, child," said Mr Primrose, "I really do not think you
+have any regard for Mr Darnley. You are certainly captivated by this
+Lord Spoonbill."
+
+This was said by Mr Primrose not angrily, but with a tone of mock
+reproach. Penelope shuddered at the allusion to Lord Spoonbill; but she
+endeavoured to conceal her emotion as much as possible, lest she should
+be under the necessity of informing her father of the proposal which
+his lordship had made her the day before.
+
+While this conversation was passing between Mr Primrose and his
+daughter, another scene was passing at the town mansion of the Earl of
+Smatterton, where his lordship and family had arrived on the preceding
+day. Parliament was about to meet after the prorogation. On such
+occasions his lordship's magnificence swelled out to most extraordinary
+dimensions. Then did he bethink himself that he was one of those who
+held in his hand the destiny of the British empire; and, when the
+postman brought letters from divers parts of the kingdom, his lordship
+felt himself to be the centre to which many minds were directing their
+most anxious thoughts. The letters were handed to his lordship on a
+silver tray. The servant who brought them swelled with importance,
+and even the silver tray shone with unusual brightness beneath its
+important burden.
+
+"It is very fatiguing," his lordship would sometimes say, "to have
+anything to do with public business. I often envy the obscurity of
+humble station. There is peace and quietness in the lowly valley."
+
+This, together with much more pompous sentimentality of the same kind,
+his lordship would utter when an unusual number of letters were brought
+to him. On the morning to which we now refer the number of letters was
+great, and they were spread on the table by his important lordship's
+own right honorable hands. The contents of some he anticipated, and of
+others he uttered his conjectures.
+
+"Oh! here are two from Smatterton," exclaimed his lordship: "one,
+I see, is from Kipperson: that Kipperson is really a man of some
+talent; he has very just views of things. This letter from Kipperson
+is of course on private business, which must be postponed to the more
+important affairs which concern the destiny of the empire. But from
+whom can this other letter come? I have no other correspondent there,
+except my cousin Letitia, and this is not her writing."
+
+Then his lordship looked very knowingly at the letter again. But all
+this speechification was perfectly needless; for if he wished to know
+from whom the letter came, he had nothing to do but to open it; and
+till he did open it he was not likely to know anything about it. After
+a full share of idle wonderment, his lordship took the envelope off
+the mysterious letter, and found that it was addressed to Mr Primrose.
+Thereat his lordship was angry, and expressed great astonishment at the
+liberty thus taken with his right honorable name. On looking again at
+the cover he discerned a few lines of apology, bearing the signature
+of Robert Darnley, and stating that the liberty had been taken because
+the writer did not know the gentleman's address, and because he also
+understood that Mr Primrose's daughter was under his lordship's roof.
+
+"And how am I to know the gentleman's address?" exclaimed his
+lordship with a most magnificent air.
+
+But the Countess, who had been informed by Lord Spoonbill that Penelope
+had the intention of returning to undergo her ladyship's patronage, did
+not feel quite so angry as her lord, but suggested that the young lord
+had seen Mr Primrose, and knew the name of the hotel where he lodged.
+
+"Certainly," said Lord Spoonbill, "I will take care of it." And he
+forthwith laid hands upon the letter. Lord Smatterton then added, "I
+beg that Mr Primrose may be immediately recommended to make known his
+address to Mr Darnley, that this liberty may not be taken again."
+
+When Lord Spoonbill had possession of this letter he forthwith began
+to think how he should dispose of it. He was not quite sure, though
+it came from Robert Darnley to Mr Primrose, that it must of necessity
+discourse concerning love and Penelope. When his lordship therefore in
+his own apartment sat muttering over the letter, and wondering what it
+could contain, there was some little more reason for his doubts and
+wonderments than for those of Lord Smatterton over the unopened cover
+addressed to himself. The letter in possession of Lord Spoonbill was
+not addressed to himself, and therefore he had no right to open it,
+however deeply he might feel interested in its contents.
+
+He took up the letter, and looked at the direction and at the seal;
+and he endeavoured to conjecture on what other subject than that of
+Penelope Mr Darnley could write to Mr Primrose. Then did his lordship
+poke his right honorable finger and thumb into the open sides of the
+letter, endeavouring to catch a glimpse of a word or two that might
+help him over the difficulties of conjecture. But the letter was so
+very ingeniously folded that not a single word could be seen. Hereupon,
+incredible as it may appear, his lordship was in a very great wrath,
+and was offended with the insolence of Robert Darnley, who had taken
+such pains to fold his letter, as if he had a suspicion that any
+individual of Lord Smatterton's family should have the meanness to look
+into it. This curious mode of folding the letter induced his lordship
+to make another and another attempt to read a line or a word. But
+nothing could be seen. Now, in the progress of these repeated efforts
+at investigation, the letter was so much disfigured that his lordship,
+with all his ingenuity, could not make it look like itself again.
+
+Another difficulty now arose: for his lordship was ashamed to send it
+in so questionable a shape; and should he send or make any apology, he
+must tell something very much like a lie, and perhaps by his clumsiness
+in apologizing create a suspicion of the real fact. Perplexed and
+undecided, he thrust the letter into his pocket and walked out.
+
+Lord Spoonbill must have been very much attached to Miss Primrose to
+take all this trouble, and to expose himself to so many annoyances
+on her account; and the worst of the matter was that he could not,
+in making his visit to the young lady, quote all these instances of
+mortification and self-denial as illustrations and proofs of his
+devotedness to her. He could not tell her that, for her sake, he had
+stooped to meannesses of which any other man would have been ashamed.
+He could not tell her that, in order to place her in the enviable
+rank of nobility, he had intercepted her letters and had corrupted
+the integrity of Nick Muggins, the Smatterton post-boy. By the way we
+cannot help remarking, that Muggins was much to blame for accepting
+a bribe to betray his trust. But the love of gold is an universal
+passion, it is not confined to any one class or condition of human
+life; it influences the high and the low, the rich and the poor, the
+learned and the unlearned;
+
+  "In peace it tunes the shepherd's reed,
+  In war it mounts the warrior's steed,
+  In halls in gay attire 'tis seen,
+  In hamlets dances on the green;
+  It rules the court, the camp, the grove,
+  And men below and gentlemen above."
+
+But to return to our enamoured hereditary legislator. He was walking,
+he scarcely knew whither, with Robert Darnley's letter in his pocket;
+and he was meditating most perplexedly on the various events of human
+life, on those at least which concerned himself, and he thought that he
+had been acting very much like a fool, and he felt very much inclined
+to make a mighty effort to act like a wise man. But wisdom is not an
+extemporaneous production of a fool's head. It required something more
+than a volition to change the whole tenor of the conduct.
+
+In his resolution to act more wisely, the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill made with himself this stipulation, namely, that at all
+events, and by any means honorable, or dishonorable, he must have Miss
+Primrose; for it was absolutely impossible that he could live without
+her. It was therefore no easy matter for his lordship so to manage
+matters as to gain Miss Primrose at all events, and yet to act as a
+man of honor. For here was in his pocket a letter, which, as a man of
+honor, he ought immediately to hand over to Mr Primrose; and yet he
+very strongly suspected, that if the said letter should come into the
+possession of the person to whom it was addressed, it would be most
+probably the means of placing an insuperable objection in the way of
+his lordship's designs. It also entered into the mind of the meditating
+young gentleman that, if the acquaintance between Miss Primrose and
+Robert Darnley should be renewed, there might be some talk about the
+letters which had not reached their destination, and there might be
+made some enquiries. And what if, after all, Nick Muggins should turn
+traitor! Who could tell what influences fear or hope might exercise
+over the uncivilized post-boy of Smatterton?
+
+Instruction being a much more important object than amusement, we
+feel ourselves bound to direct the attention of our readers to the
+instruction which may be derived from the fact here alluded to. Here
+is political instruction and personal instruction. We do not believe
+a word of the idle prating that some political greenhorns make about
+secret service money; but we do believe that many of those politicians,
+and they are not a few, who mistake cunning for wisdom, frequently
+become entangled in nets of their own weaving, and fall into pits
+of their own digging. To play the rogue with perfect success, is a
+perfection almost beyond the reach of ordinary humanity: for they, who
+have talent and power to do so, are generally too wise to possess the
+inclination, and they who are weak enough to possess the inclination,
+are in nine cases out of ten too clumsy to carry it on with perfect
+success. And the worst of it is, that they must make use of tools which
+are either too strong to be managed, or too weak to be depended on.
+
+This is also a lesson of instruction to persons in private life,
+especially to those who have nothing to do but to live on the fruits
+of their grandfather's industry, or their great grandfather's roguery;
+for it teaches them that, if they will pursue those ends which are
+dishonorable, they must also make use of dishonorable means; and they
+will very frequently be placed in very uncomfortable and mortifying
+situations.
+
+Now, however willing Lord Spoonbill might have been to suffer the
+letter in his possession to reach its proper destination, he found that
+he could not send it without exposing his former meanness to the risk
+of detection, and in all probability defeating the end which he had
+in view in intercepting the letters which were passing between Miss
+Primrose and Robert Darnley. In such perplexity, his lordship walked
+from one street to another till he found himself at a very considerable
+distance from Mr Primrose's hotel.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+
+Lord Spoonbill was not like Cato. For history records of the latter
+that he preferred being good to seeming so: Lord Spoonbill had no great
+objection to being a rogue, but did not like to be thought one. It was
+therefore not very pleasant for him to be placed in that dilemma, of
+which we made mention in the last chapter. He saw, or at least had good
+reason to think that he saw, that Mr Darnley was bent on renewing the
+acquaintance with Miss Primrose; and he also feared that Penelope had
+not sufficiently forgotten her first lover.
+
+There also occurred to his mind the thought that it was possible for
+Mr Darnley to make a journey to London for a personal explanation, if
+the letter to Mr Primrose should not be answered. This consideration
+suggested to his lordship the necessity of taking prompt and decided
+measures. He saw that no chance remained for him but in the way of
+matrimony. He certainly dreaded the encounter with his right honorable
+parents; but, if he could not live without Penelope, it was absolutely
+necessary that he should take steps to live with her.
+
+This is a very proper place wherein to make a digression concerning
+the omnipotence of love; and here we ought to be extremely pathetic,
+shewing and demonstrating with heart-rending eloquence, how
+irresistible is this universal passion: and perhaps some of our
+readers, not many we hope, may think that we ought to make a very
+sentimental defence of Lord Spoonbill, as some of our predecessors
+in the history of lovers have made of those idle cubs who have shewn
+their refinement and sensibility by seducing engaged or betrothed
+affections. But we do not believe in the omnipotence of love; and we
+do not think Lord Spoonbill at all deserving of pity. Falling in love
+with Penelope was on his part perfectly voluntary, deliberate, wilful,
+and intentional. It is all very possible and very plausible for an
+inexperienced and thoughtless youth to find himself mightily attached
+to a young woman before he is aware almost of the existence of the
+passion; but this was not the case with Lord Spoonbill. When he saw
+Miss Primrose he admired her; when he became more acquainted with her,
+he liked her; and, from pursuing, he loved her. But he knew from the
+first that she was otherwise engaged; and his designs towards her had
+been degrading.
+
+We have dwelt long, and perhaps tediously, on Lord Spoonbill's
+embarrassment; we have done so intentionally, because that
+embarrassment dwelt tediously on his mind, and it was necessary,
+for the sake of accuracy in the picture, to represent the case not
+transiently, but copiously.
+
+The result of the right honorable hereditary legislator's meditation
+was, that as it was not possible for him to live without Penelope, and
+as delay might expose him to the danger of being compelled to do that
+which he knew to be impossible, he would take the earliest opportunity
+of making regular and deliberate overtures of marriage. And he felt
+satisfied that the fascination of title and the splendour of opulence
+would be too much for a female heart to withstand. There was also
+another thought on which he grounded his hopes: he considered that
+the affection which Penelope had for her father would induce her more
+readily to accept an offer which would provide her with the means of
+assisting him.
+
+With this resolution he returned home; as he thought that it might be
+more advisable to communicate his intention to the parties concerned
+by letter than by word of mouth. Probably his lordship might imagine
+that, if thus Mr Primrose were made acquainted with the magnificent
+offer that awaited his daughter's acceptance, paternal pride would be
+gratified, and paternal authority might be added to other motives,
+inducing the young lady's compliance. Lord Spoonbill was by no means
+fastidious as to the manner in which he gained his object, provided
+that the object was gained.
+
+His lordship dined that day at home. During dinner he was silent, and
+looked almost sulky. The Earl and Countess inferred from these looks
+that their hopeful son was on the eve of saying or doing something not
+very agreeable to his parents; for he most usually prefaced an act
+of opposition to their will by putting himself into an ill-humour.
+This is a refined piece of domestic tactics. None however but spoiled
+children can use it with proper dexterity and complete success. When a
+wife wishes to persuade her husband out of his senses, or to guide him
+against his better judgment, her prelude is generally an extraordinary
+degree of sweetness, and her preface is made of witching smiles; and
+then the husband thinks that it would be cruel to convert such smiles
+into tears, and he passively yields to the power of the silent logic
+of the laughing eye. But the policy of a great overgrown booby is
+different. The spoiled blockhead knows that no art of his can give
+extra loveliness to his looks in the eyes of his fond parents. His own
+precious numskull is to them the ne plus ultra of human excellence.
+But if that sweet face is darkened by a frown, and if the dear pet is
+sulky, cross-grained, and ill-humoured, then anything and everything
+must be conceded to bring him back to his good-humour again.
+
+"Spoonbill, are you unwell?" said Lord Smatterton.
+
+"No," replied Spoonbill in a style of sulky abruptness, which Tony
+Lumpkin himself might have envied.
+
+"You seem to be quite out of spirits to-day:" said the Countess, in one
+of her most agreeable and winning tones.
+
+"One cannot be always laughing and talking," was the uncourteous and
+ungrateful reply.
+
+Then followed a long pause. The Earl and Countess scarcely dared
+to speak to each other, and Lord Spoonbill pertinaciously held his
+peace. Now such a state of things cannot last long; it is absolutely
+unbearable. Very soon after the servants had left the room, as the
+young man's silence and sulkiness yet continued, Lord Smatterton, who
+thought himself a bit of a politician, gave her ladyship a hint to
+indulge them with her absence.
+
+When they were alone, the Earl of Smatterton thus addressed his hopeful
+son: "Spoonbill, I fear that something is preying upon your mind. May I
+be permitted to know what it is that disturbs you?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill did not make any reply to this consolatory
+interrogation: for he felt very well satisfied that the communication
+of the cause of his concern would not be very likely to remove it. He
+therefore thought it best to contrive, if it could be so managed, to
+let the truth come out gradually, and to bring his father to guess,
+than to tell abruptly, the cause of his oppression.
+
+"You are silent," said the Earl of Smatterton. Lord Spoonbill knew that
+without requiring to be told of it. The Earl then continued:
+
+"Why should you conceal from me anything that concerns and interests
+you? I am only desirous of promoting your welfare; and, if in any
+matter I can serve you, command me."
+
+It is quite contrary to our notions of propriety that sons should
+command their parents; it was also contrary to Lord Smatterton's ideas
+of his own dignity that any one should dictate to him; but in the
+present instance he adopted the courtier's language. As his son did not
+seem disposed to command him, the father felt very much inclined to
+command his son, and to insist with mighty dignity on knowing the cause
+of this strange behaviour. But Lord Spoonbill was rather too old to be
+treated like a boy. His lordship would not be snubbed; but he could not
+always escape a lecturing.
+
+There is this difference between the rational and irrational part of
+the creation; that, among the irrational animals, the parents are in
+haste to give their offspring a hint of their independence; but among
+rational beings, the young ones are more in haste to throw off their
+dependence than parents to renounce their authority or withdraw their
+protection. One reason perhaps for this arrangement is, that rational
+youngsters are not quite so well able to guide and to take care of
+themselves as irrational animals are.
+
+The feeling of which we are here speaking operated very powerfully in
+the minds of Lord Smatterton and his son. The father was especially
+fond of authority, and the son as fond of independence: but the father
+held the purse, and there lay the great secret of his power. Lord
+Spoonbill knew that he could not marry Miss Primrose without the
+consent of more parties than himself and the young lady; he knew that
+the means of an establishment must be contributed by his own right
+honorable father; and therefore his consideration was, how to obtain
+that consent, and how to reconcile his father's well-known horror of
+plebeianism with his own marriage, with the daughter of a man who had
+originally sprung from the City. To have made the proposal flatly and
+plainly, would have put the Earl into a most tremendous passion. It was
+therefore necessary to have recourse to management.
+
+Finding that the Earl was slow in uttering conjectures, Lord Spoonbill
+was compelled to give broader hints; and for that purpose he rose
+from his seat and walked to the fire-place, and put his elbow on the
+chimney-piece, and his hand upon his forehead, and sighed--oh, how he
+did sigh! He would have been a fine subject for Chantrey; but neither
+Chantrey nor any one else could have immortalized that magnificent
+sigh.
+
+At this movement the Earl started, and exclaimed: "Are you in love,
+Spoonbill?"
+
+"Suppose I am, sir;" replied the son of the patrician, "and what
+then?"
+
+"What then!" echoed Lord Smatterton; "that very much depends on the
+person who has engaged your affections. If it be a suitable connexion,
+I shall throw no impediment in your way."
+
+"But, perhaps, what may appear a suitable connexion to me may not
+appear in the same light to you."
+
+"Of course you will not think of marrying a woman of no understanding."
+
+"Certainly not," replied Lord Spoonbill cheerfully and confidently;
+"I could not bear to live with a wife who was not a person of
+intellect."
+
+Some of our readers might not have expected this remark from Lord
+Smatterton, or this reply from Lord Spoonbill; but let those readers
+look out among their acquaintance for a great blockhead, and let
+them talk to him about intellect, and they will not wonder that Lord
+Spoonbill had a fancy for an intellectual wife. There is, now a-days, a
+great demand for intellect, and a demand will always create a supply of
+some sort or other.
+
+"And I think," continued the Earl of Smatterton, "that I know your
+opinions on that subject too well to suppose that you would ever
+degrade yourself so far as to marry a person of low birth."
+
+Lord Spoonbill bit his lips; and said, "I would never marry a woman of
+vulgar manners, whatever might be her birth."
+
+"You are right," said the Earl; "but why can you not tell me at once,
+without all this circumlocution, who is the lady that is destined to
+the honor of becoming Lady Spoonbill?"
+
+Here the young man hesitated and demurred, and endeavoured to say
+something that should amount to nothing. But the Earl was not content
+to be put off evasively, and pressed so hard, that at length the secret
+was extorted. Then was the Lord of Smatterton exceedingly astonished
+and grieved, and he groaned and shook his head most solemnly, and in a
+tone of great anguish of mind, said;
+
+"Oh, Spoonbill! Spoonbill! That you should ever have come to this! And
+have you made the young woman an offer of your hand?"
+
+"I have," replied the son, who thought that the readiest way of
+bringing the matter to a conclusion would be to avow it at once.
+
+But, when the Earl farther enquired whether the offer had been accepted
+or not, the young lord was under the necessity of acknowledging that
+it had not been exactly accepted, but that he had no doubt it would
+be. This was a curious piece of refinement in the art of lying. Lord
+Spoonbill was too scrupulous to commit himself by a downright palpable
+falsehood, which might be detected, but instead of that he had recourse
+to one of those lies, which are not so easy of detection, but which
+answer quite as well the purpose of deceit. It was quite as much a
+lie to say that he had no doubt that his offer would be accepted, as
+it would have been to say that it had already been accepted. But the
+one lie might have been detected, the other could not. He had doubts
+of his acceptance, and serious doubts too; but he thought that if the
+young lady and her father found that the match was countenanced by
+the Earl, and, if proposals could be fairly and fully made before Mr
+Darnley should have an opportunity of holding any intercourse with Miss
+Primrose or her father, there was a possibility of success.
+
+This information was indeed melancholy news to Lord Smatterton, who had
+enjoyed and pleased himself with the thought that he had to boast of
+true patrician blood, and who looked forward to see his only son uphold
+the dignity of his house. There is a pleasure in greatness which none
+but great ones know. It had been the pride of the Earl of Smatterton
+to look down with contempt on such noble families as had degraded
+themselves by admixture with plebeian blood. Now all his sneers and
+sarcasms, he thought, would be turned against himself, and it pained
+him to think that it might be said of him, "that is Lord Smatterton,
+whose son married a woman from the City."
+
+His lordship knew that his son was obstinate and headstrong, and he saw
+that there was no mode of preventing the catastrophe, if the young man
+had set his mind upon it. But notwithstanding he knew that opposition
+must be fruitless, he could not help speaking in his own peculiarly
+emphatic manner against the proposed match.
+
+"Spoonbill," said the Earl, "marry Miss Primrose if you please; but
+remember"--here his lordship made a most magnificent pause--"remember
+that your establishment must be from the fortune of your destined
+bride. From me you have nothing."
+
+Had circumstances been otherwise than they were, and not requiring
+such despatch, Lord Spoonbill would not have heeded this speech. He
+would have known that ultimately he should succeed with his magnificent
+father; but his object was to come to a speedy decision; he wished
+to be able at once to make a decided proposal. At this remark of his
+father Lord Spoonbill was angry and sulky, and he pettishly replied; "I
+think I have a right to marry as I please."
+
+"And I also have a right to use my property as I please; and I
+will never consent to appropriate any part of it to the purpose of
+introducing a woman of low birth into my family."
+
+It may be very well supposed by our readers, that the discussion on
+this interesting topic between Lord Smatterton and his son did not end
+here; and we shall not be blamed for omitting the remainder of the
+angry discussion between father and son on this very interesting and
+delicate topic. It may be very easily imagined that the son went on
+grumbling, and that the father went on prosing, for a considerable
+length of time, and that they did not arrive at any satisfactory
+conclusion.
+
+It may be also very easily imagined that when the melancholy
+intelligence was communicated to Lady Smatterton, her ladyship must
+have suffered very acutely when she found that her beloved and only
+child had so far forgotten the pure and high principles in which he
+had been nourished, as to think of bringing misery and disgrace into a
+noble family, by letting down the Spoonbills to an alliance with the
+Primroses.
+
+It is a pity that in these days of invention and ingenuity no
+contrivance can be hit upon for preventing such miserable and
+heart-breaking casualties, as patrician youths falling in love with
+plebeian damsels. The "order" of hereditary legislators has been in
+many instances most cruelly and mercilessly invaded by impertinent,
+instrusive plebeians. Sometimes love and sometimes necessity have
+compelled an union between the high and low; and yet, notwithstanding
+these painful and melancholy admixtures, patricianism has kept up a
+very pretty spirit of distinctness, and does yet contain some choice
+specimens of the finer sorts of humanity. How much more magnificent and
+sublime patricianism might have been but for these admixtures, it is
+impossible to say.
+
+It is enough however for our present purpose to observe that, with all
+the power which Lord Spoonbill, as an only one and a spoiled child,
+possessed over his parents, he was not able, even with the additional
+force of his sulkiness and ill-humour, to bring them to assent to
+the ill-assorted union which he contemplated. The Earl and Countess
+of Smatterton could not give their consent to such a humiliating and
+degrading connexion. They did not indeed know who or what Mr Primrose
+was, but they did know who and what he was not. They knew that he was
+not of their set; that he was not a man of family or title, and that
+whatever property he might possess, he had acquired it by his own
+diligence or wit. Now that was an abomination, an indelible disgrace,
+a reproach not easily to be wiped away. They took it for granted,
+indeed, that Mr Primrose had some property; but if they had known that
+even the little property which he had was placed in jeopardy, their
+indignation would have been greater still at the folly of their own
+and only precious pet essaying to unite himself with a young woman who
+had nothing to recommend her but the possession of almost every virtue
+that can adorn the female character, united with a strong and masculine
+understanding, and embellished with gracefulness of manners, gentleness
+of deportment, and a moral dignity, which was high enough to look down
+with indifference on the accidental distinctions of society.
+
+All that Lord Spoonbill could gain from his inexorable and right
+honorable parents, was a promise that they would think about it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+
+It is a sad thing to be the most unfortunate creature in the world; and
+the only consolation under such calamity, is the thought that it is
+by no means uncommon. Almost every body is in this condition at some
+period or other of his life. This calamity befel Lord Spoonbill at the
+juncture of which we are now writing. It happened under the following
+circumstances.
+
+We have related that Mr Primrose, after hearing of the stoppage of
+his banker, went into the City to his agent at a preposterously late
+hour of the day, and that in so doing he lost his labour. We have
+also related that, during the absence of Mr Primrose from his hotel,
+the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill called and made overtures to Miss
+Primrose. We have also related that Lord Spoonbill, finding that it was
+absolutely impossible to live without Penelope, and finding also that,
+without an establishment, it would be as impossible to live with her,
+had made known to his respected parents his intention to lead that same
+young lady to the altar, or, in plain English, to marry her. Leading a
+lady to the altar is merely a newspaper phrase, and sounds heathenish;
+we ought rather to say, leading her to the communion table. But, not to
+use superfluous words, let us proceed.
+
+We have narrated that the right honorable parents of Lord Spoonbill
+were indignant at the proposal of their son, and we have also stated
+that despatch was to the young gentleman an object of the greatest
+importance. The reason why he was in so much haste has also been stated.
+
+Now it so happened, that on the very day on which the letter of Robert
+Darnley was intercepted at the house of Lord Smatterton, and by the
+meanness of Lord Spoonbill, Mr Primrose went again into the City and
+called on his agent, and made enquiries concerning the probabilities
+or chances of his bankers paying a good dividend. In these enquiries
+he found himself most agreeably surprised, by ascertaining two very
+important points: one was, that only part, and that no very great
+part of his property had been paid into the hands of the said banker;
+and another was, that what had been already paid there would, in
+all probability, be soon forthcoming again, very little, if at all,
+diminished by the untoward circumstances that compelled a stoppage.
+
+While therefore Lord Spoonbill was sulking and pouting to his papa
+and mama about Penelope Primrose, that young lady was enjoying the
+agreeable and pleasant intelligence which her father had brought from
+the City. The brief discussion which passed between the father and
+daughter concerning the propriety of writing to Robert Darnley, we have
+already narrated. This took place on the morning of the day on which
+Mr Primrose, going into the City, found his affairs in so much better
+order than he had anticipated.
+
+On the evening of that day the subject was renewed, though but faintly
+and indirectly. But in the course of conversation Mr Primrose alluded
+to the offer which Mr Pringle, the new rector of Smatterton, had made
+of accommodating Mr Primrose with the parsonage-house, provided he
+should choose to take up his residence at Smatterton. Now Penelope
+loved Smatterton for many reasons. There had she first learned to
+know and feel what was real kindness of heart. With that village were
+blended all her early associations and recollections. She loved the
+village church, and there was to her ear music in its abrupt little
+ring of six small bells. The very air of the village was wholesome
+to her, morally as well as physically. The great booby boys and the
+freckled girls of the village were her intimates; not her companions
+indeed, but she could sympathize with them, although they could not
+always sympathize with her. She also knew the cows and the dogs and the
+horses. She knew the names of a great many of them; and very often,
+during her short sojourn in the great city, she had called to mind with
+a starting tear the recollection of the monotonous, drawling, daily
+tone, with which the farmers' men talked to these animals.
+
+When therefore her father proposed taking up his abode at Smatterton,
+and hiring for that purpose the parsonage-house, she altogether
+forgot its vicinity to Neverden and its association with the name of
+Darnley, and she was delighted with the prospect of going back again
+to those scenes with which her mind connected images of pleasure and
+recollections of peace.
+
+It was with ready and delightful acquiescence that Penelope assented to
+the proposal; and as Mr Primrose saw that his child was pleased with
+the thought of going to reside at Smatterton, he hastened to put his
+intentions into execution; and at the very time that Lord Spoonbill
+was grumbling about his right to marry whomsoever he pleased, Mr
+Primrose was making arrangements to leave London.
+
+The father of Penelope was not slow in his movements, and he was not
+in the habit of giving his purposes time to cool. He wrote by that
+evening's post to Smatterton, and at an early hour on the following
+morning he and his daughter commenced their journey. So that when Lord
+Spoonbill, who heeded not his father's long lecture on the subject
+of dignity, called again at Mr Primrose's hotel, and heard that the
+gentleman and his daughter were gone, and that they were gone to
+Smatterton, then his lordship was grieved beyond measure, and his
+perplexity was serious, and his fears rose within him: for he took it
+for granted that there must soon be an interview and an explanation,
+and then he distrusted Nick Muggins, and there rose up before his
+mind's eye the phantom of that ungainly cub and his clumsy pony: that
+image which, in the recollection of most who had seen it, would excite
+a smile at its uncouthness, was to the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill
+productive of very painful emotions and disagreeable apprehensions. So
+his lordship thought himself the most unfortunate creature in the world.
+
+Then again there was in his lordship's possession the letter from
+Robert Darnley to Mr Primrose, and his lordship hardly knew what to do
+with that. He thought that the secret of his having already detained it
+for a whole day must inevitably transpire. Whether he should send it
+or detain it would be equally ruinous to his schemes. He looked very
+thoughtfully at the letter, and at length resolved to send it with an
+explanation to Mr Primrose at Smatterton. He thought that, if there
+should be on the letter any symptoms of curious or prying fingers, it
+might be attributed to any one rather than to his lordship; and he
+thought that, at the worst, no one would explicitly charge him with
+an attempt to penetrate into its secresy. The letter was therefore
+despatched with an apology for its detention as much like a lie as
+anything that a lord could write.
+
+There was nothing now left for Lord Spoonbill to do but to sigh over
+his calamitous loss as deeply as he could, and to explain to his
+father, as ingeniously as might be, the singular event of the sudden
+departure of Mr Primrose and his daughter from London, at the very
+moment when a right honorable suitor for the young lady's hand had
+started up in the person of Lord Spoonbill. The son said it was very
+strange, and the father also thought it was very strange, and he
+recommended his son not to have any farther correspondence with persons
+who could behave thus disrespectfully. But the young gentleman was too
+much enamoured to listen to such advice, and he exercised most heartily
+all his little wits to devise means of carrying on his suit to Penelope.
+
+For the present we must leave his loving lordship in London, enjoying
+all the luxuries and splendors which gas, fog, smoke, foolery, wax
+candles, painted faces, late hours, French cookery, Italian music,
+prosy dancing, Whig politics, and patrician scandal, could afford him.
+It is far more to our taste to follow Mr Primrose and his daughter into
+the country than to remain with Lord Spoonbill in London. If any of our
+readers wish to know what Lord Spoonbill did with himself in London,
+they may form a tolerably correct idea from ascertaining how the rest
+of that tribe occupy their time. He was a very fashionable man, he knew
+all the common-places perfectly, and with his own set he was quite at
+home. There let us leave him.
+
+Mr Primrose and Penelope travelled to Smatterton in perfect safety;
+and the father congratulated himself and his daughter upon their safe
+arrival, observing that had they ventured to use the stage-coach
+instead of post-chaises, they would certainly have had their necks
+broken at the bottom of some steep hill.
+
+Their reception at Smatterton parsonage was most cordial and highly
+courteous. Nothing could exceed the happiness of the young rector
+in receiving under his roof so respected a friend as Mr Primrose.
+Preparations had been made according to the best of the young
+clergyman's ability; and, as Mr Primrose's letter mentioned the day
+and the hour of his arrival, Mr Pringle thought that he could not do
+otherwise than make a party to meet the gentleman at dinner.
+
+Since the departure of Mrs Greendale from Smatterton, the establishment
+of Mr Pringle had continued the same, but his domestics had not had
+a very bustling life; and they ventured to contradict the popular
+theory which represents man as a creature of habit. For during the
+reign of Mrs Greendale they had been accustomed to fly about the house
+with unceasing bustle and activity, but since her departure they had
+become almost as lazy as their master. The domestics were two female
+servants, one about sixty and the other about forty. They were clumsy
+and uncouth, but their clumsiness was hardly visible in the time of
+Mrs Greendale; for under her administration they had been habituated
+to move about with most marvellous celerity, and now that the old
+lady was departed they seemed glad to take breath, and they took it
+very leisurely. It was a great mercy that they were not absolutely
+broken-winded.
+
+There was also remaining in the establishment a man servant, an
+amphibious animal as it were, not because he lived partly on land and
+partly in water, but as living partly in the house and partly out
+of it. He was a mighty pluralist, and filled, or rather occupied,
+many places; and from the universality of his genius he might,
+had he been in higher station, have aspired to be prime minister,
+commander-in-chief, lord chancellor, and archbishop of Canterbury. As
+it was, his occupations were quite as multitudinous and heterogeneous.
+His great skill was in gardening, and finding that he was successful
+in cultivating cabbages, he ventured also to undertake the cavalry
+department in the late Dr Greendale's service. His duties here were not
+many or oppressive, seeing that the late doctor kept but one horse,
+and that was very quiet and gentle. This universal genius acted also
+as butler and footman. In this last capacity he did not shine. He did
+not want for head, he had enough of that, and more than enough. As for
+figure, it is difficult to say what that was, it was so exceedingly
+indefinite. It was considerate of the late Dr Greendale that he did not
+task the poor man very hardly as to his department of footman. But the
+new rector loved state, and it was his pride to keep a livery servant,
+and he would also insist upon the attendance of this man at table. And
+though the footman was not himself a great adept in waiting at table,
+he soon brought his master to wait.
+
+With this ungainly establishment, the Reverend Charles Pringle took it
+into his head to give a dinner to as many as he could collect, in order
+to pay a compliment to Mr Primrose, and to pay court to Miss Primrose.
+Unfortunately for Mr Pringle it did not answer.
+
+It would be wearying to our readers to have the particulars and
+the failures of a clumsy mockery of an elegant dinner set forth at
+full length. Let it be supposed that there was expense, inelegance,
+constraint, anxiety, mortification. As we are not writing for cooks, we
+pass over the minutenesses of a spoiled dinner; the greatest evil of
+which was, that the party was in some degree silent during the progress
+of dinner, for they had not much opportunity of talking gastronomically.
+
+The English people can talk, but they must have something to begin
+with. If they meet out of doors, they must begin talking about the
+weather, and within doors, especially at dinner time, they must begin
+talking about eatables and drinkables. From such beginnings they can
+go on to any subject; but they must of necessity have a common-place
+beginning.
+
+After the cloth was removed, and the spoiled or ill-arranged dishes
+were forgotten, the party felt themselves more at liberty. We have not
+yet named the persons who composed the party; and when we say that
+Mr Kipperson, Mr Zephaniah Pringle, and five or six of lesser note
+were present, our readers may well suppose that there was no lack of
+inclination to discourse, especially on the part of those two gentlemen
+whom we have named.
+
+Now it has been stated, that Zephaniah the critic had carried down to
+Smatterton an awkward rumour concerning Penelope Primrose. The source
+from whence the said critic had gathered the information has been also
+stated. But as soon as the intelligence of Mr Primrose's intention to
+reside with his daughter at Smatterton reached the new rector, and
+was by him communicated to his brother and to Mr Kipperson, a virtual
+contradiction was given to the ill report; and then all three of the
+gentlemen found out that they had never believed it.
+
+To render themselves as agreeable as possible to Mr Primrose, the
+three whom we have named talked great abundance of nonsense and
+magnificence. Their first concern immediately after dinner was to
+consult on the best means of saving the nation. Mr Kipperson was well
+satisfied that nothing would or could do the nation the slightest
+service, so long as the agricultural interest was neglected. There were
+two serious evils which were growing worse and worse, the increase of
+the population, and the importation of foreign grain. The ingenious
+agriculturist proved that the farmer was eaten up by the increasing
+population, and that the quantity of grain in the country was so large
+that it could not find consumers.
+
+Zephaniah Pringle agreed with Mr Kipperson in the grand principle that
+there were too many consumers for the corn, and too much corn for the
+consumers. There was the great evil, he thought, in these two troubles
+existing at once; were they in existence separately they might soon
+be got rid of. The consumers might consume an extra quantity, and
+soon settle matters in that way, or the want of corn might thin the
+consumers, and soon settle matters that way. But, while the two evils
+operated together, they were dreadful calamities.
+
+Those of our readers who are not agriculturists, or political
+economists, cannot understand this reasoning, or, more properly
+speaking, they will not; they are blinded by their own interested
+feelings; they have prejudices which agriculturists have not.
+
+But though Zephaniah Pringle agreed with Mr Kipperson, that the people
+were starving because there was too much corn, and that the corn could
+not find consumers because there were so many people to eat it, yet
+he thought that there were more serious evils in the country yet. He
+thought that those obscure seditious newspapers and vile trumpery
+publications, which nobody reads and which everybody despises, which
+are published by a set of needy miscreants, who spare no expense in
+circulating them all over the kingdom, had corrupted the minds of all
+the people in this once happy land. He thought that the nation was in
+a most prosperous condition, and that nothing was wanting to render it
+more prosperous, than an additional number of bishops, and an increase
+in the numbers of the yeomanry cavalry.
+
+Mr Primrose listened with polite and pleased attention to these
+dextrous and acute politicians, and he thought that his Majesty need
+never be at a loss for a prime minister, or for two, if he wanted
+them, while Zephaniah Pringle and Mr Kipperson should live. But, as Mr
+Primrose was neither an agriculturist, nor a political economist, he
+felt himself a little puzzled to reconcile the apparent contradiction
+which was contained in Mr Kipperson's statement of the agricultural
+grievances. Mr Kipperson was very properly angry with Mr Primrose for
+expressing a doubt on the subject; and the scientific agriculturist
+immediately and satisfactorily explained that all the superfluous
+population was pennyless, and could not pay for the corn which they
+would like to consume. Whereupon Mr Primrose understood that in the
+good old times people were born with money in their pockets.
+
+Zephaniah Pringle almost feared that Mr Primrose was a radical, at
+least he thought he was in the high road to become so, unless he should
+resist that foolish propensity of wishing to understand what he talked
+about.
+
+There might have been at the table of Mr Pringle, rector of Smatterton,
+some diversity of political opinion, as there certainly was, seeing
+that Mr Kipperson was a Whig, and Zephaniah Pringle a Tory; but the
+corn question most cordially united them. How far these gentlemen
+differed in some other points, we have seen already in the matter
+of mechanics' institutes. On this subject Mr Kipperson's hopes were
+rather too sanguine; and perhaps Zephaniah the critic was too nervously
+susceptible, on the other hand, of apprehensions of danger to the
+Protestant succession; for, to his mind, the mechanics' institutes
+had no other ultimate object in view than transubstantiation and
+republicanism.
+
+Concerning gymnastics, the gentlemen also differed. Zephaniah condemned
+them in toto, and so did the rector of Smatterton, in spite of his
+whiggism. Mr Kipperson spoke very learnedly about muscles and tension,
+and proved that bodily exercise was essential to intellectual vigour;
+but he had the candour to acknowledge that he could never persuade his
+men to take gymnastic exercises when their day's work was over; and he
+attributed their ignorance of science to their neglect of gymnastics.
+
+The whole of the conversation, to which we have above alluded, did not
+take place in the hearing of Miss Primrose, nor indeed did one tenth
+part of it; for the fatigue of the journey, together with the agitation
+of her spirits, led her to make an early retreat from the dining-room.
+And the old female servant, who had known Penelope from childhood,
+was delighted in the opportunity of again attending upon her. Fluent
+was the old gentlewoman's speech, and mightily communicative was she
+touching the various changes which had taken place in Smatterton and
+Neverden since the decease of the good Dr Greendale. The kind-hearted
+woman also expressed herself delighted at the return of Miss Primrose
+to Smatterton, inasmuch as there was one person who would be so happy
+to see her again, and that person was Mr Robert Darnley. Penelope
+begged that his name might never be mentioned again in her hearing, and
+thereupon the poor old domestic began to fear that there was some truth
+in the stories that had been talked about in the village concerning
+Miss Primrose and Lord Spoonbill. And when the old servant found that
+she could not talk to her late young mistress concerning love-matters,
+she hastily finished her discourse and left the young lady to retire
+quietly to rest.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+
+The news of Mr Primrose's arrival at Smatterton soon reached the
+rectory at Neverden. Had it not found its way there sooner, Mr
+Zephaniah Pringle would have been the first to communicate the
+intelligence on the following morning. The arrival having been
+announced, was of course expected. And there was much anxiety
+felt on the subject by all the parties concerned: of course more
+especially by Robert Darnley. For in consequence of his letter having
+been unanswered, he had fully determined, in spite of all domestic
+opposition and paternal expostulation, to make a journey to London for
+the purpose of explanation.
+
+The elder Mr Darnley was mightily displeased to hear of the purpose
+which Mr Primrose had in view in coming to Smatterton. To the
+fastidious mind of the rector of Neverden it appeared very indelicate
+for Miss Primrose, after what had taken place, to throw herself in the
+way of Mr Robert Darnley: for in no other light could the rector of
+Neverden regard the meditated settlement of Mr Primrose at Smatterton.
+
+It is a great pity that such a man as Mr Darnley, who had for the most
+part a good understanding and good feelings, should be so obstinate
+in his prejudices and so immoveable in his fancies. He had, for some
+reason or other, taken it into his head that Miss Primrose was proud
+and fantastical and unfeeling; and nothing could bring him to think
+favourably of her. He saw everything that she did or said through the
+deceptive medium of his erroneous apprehension of her character. It was
+a vain attempt to turn him from his humour. He had thoroughly believed
+at the first the calumnious report brought from London by Zephaniah
+Pringle. He had also believed that it was Penelope's own wish, purpose,
+and desire, to adopt the musical profession; and though he had felt
+satisfied that the cessation of the correspondence between his son and
+the young lady had sprung altogether from the caprice of the latter,
+yet he considered that this meditated residence in Smatterton was,
+on the part of Penelope, with a desire of meeting again with Robert
+Darnley.
+
+We have already acknowledged, nor do we wish to retract the
+acknowledgment, that the rector of Neverden was a very conscientious,
+attentive, and upright parish priest; we will give him credit for
+great zeal and activity in the discharge of his pastoral duties; but,
+notwithstanding all this, he was grievously deficient in one part
+of the Christian character, seeing that he had very little of that
+"charity which thinketh no evil." We have seen other good people,
+besides the rector of Neverden, who, fancying themselves models of all
+that is right, and patterns for the rest of the world, have exercised a
+perverse ingenuity in discovering, and an unholy pleasure in displaying
+and condemning, their neighbours' faults, real or imaginary. These
+people imagine that they cannot show a dislike of what is wrong without
+exhibiting a degree of malignity against such as transgress. Now the
+late Dr Greendale, though a man of great purity and integrity, had
+no such feeling as this. He was as candid as he was pure, and his
+gentleness was equal to his integrity. And the people of his parish
+liked him very much for his goodness and gentleness, and so his
+character had a very powerful influence upon them. But Mr Darnley was a
+different kind of man.
+
+When Zephaniah Pringle therefore made his appearance at Neverden,
+and repeated the information which had already been conveyed to the
+rectory, as touching the arrival of Mr and Miss Primrose at Smatterton,
+the Rev. Mr Darnley expressed himself astonished at the indecorum and
+want of feeling which Miss Primrose manifested.
+
+"Mr Pringle, I am quite surprized at this intelligence. Your relative
+at Smatterton has certainly a right to let the parsonage-house if he
+pleases; but I must say that I could wish, for the sake of public
+morals, that it had a more respectable tenant."
+
+Now as Penelope had appeared most truly respectable, and not a
+little fascinating in the eyes of Zephaniah the critic, and as he
+was not quite certain that the rumour which he had been the means of
+circulating was quite founded on fact, and as his doubts were stronger
+after he had seen Penelope and her father, he wished to unsay or
+to soften down what he had said. He therefore replied to the above
+exclamation:
+
+"Why really, sir, I must say that I think Miss Primrose a respectable
+young lady, and it is probable that the report which I heard in town
+may not be perfectly correct. And indeed, as the lady is about to
+reside with her father, it is certainly not true to its full extent."
+
+Mr Darnley was not much in the habit of changing his opinion on matters
+of fact any more than on matters of speculation; and having once felt
+himself persuaded that Miss Primrose had acted improperly, it was no
+easy matter for Mr Pringle to bring him to change the view which he
+had entertained of the young lady's character. Reasoning may be a
+very fine thing, and logic may be a very fine thing, and facts may be
+very stubborn things; but neither reasoning nor logic can make a man
+change his opinion, if he does not like to do so; and there are no
+facts in the world so stubborn as a conceited man's own stubborn will.
+Mr Darnley took it for granted that whatever he took for granted must
+be most incontestably true; and Mr Darnley had taken it for granted
+that Miss Primrose had not demeaned herself aright, and nothing could
+convince him to the contrary. He adhered to the general thought,
+though beaten out of all its particulars. We would not recommend any
+one who has exalted notions of the power of reasoning and the force of
+evidence, to endeavour to convince another of any fact or speculation,
+till that other has shewn symptoms of an inclination to believe such
+fact or to adopt such theory.
+
+It was all in vain that Zephaniah Pringle contended that Miss Primrose
+could not possibly be living dishonorably with Lord Spoonbill in
+London, while she was living quietly and reputably with her father at
+Smatterton. Mr Darnley had made up his mind, and nothing could shake
+his conclusions. Of some heads it is observed, that you can get nothing
+into them; of others it may with as much truth be said, that you can
+get nothing out of them. In this latter predicament was placed the head
+of the rector of Neverden.
+
+When therefore Zephaniah found that no impression was to be made on
+Mr Darnley, he gave up the discussion, not a little regretting that
+he himself had, for the sake of gratifying a little vanity in talking
+about his own intimacy with Lord Spoonbill, done an injury which he
+could not undo. He began also to fear lest he should be detected
+and exposed; and under that apprehension he found himself uneasy at
+Smatterton, and wished that his visit was finished. This served him
+perfectly right. He had made public talk of what had been told to him
+in confidence, and as a secret, and he had circulated a calumnious
+report, careless whether it were true or false, and heedless what
+injury it might inflict upon innocence, or what misery it might
+occasion to those concerned.
+
+Yet this prodigiously conceited puppy could and did in his critical
+lucubrations write himself down as being most zealously devoted to the
+service of religion, and he would make a mighty noise about those most
+execrable and abominable caitiffs, who presume to question one iota of
+the faith according to Queen Elizabeth.
+
+It is hard, very hard, that religion should have to bear the reproach
+of the whims, vagaries, bigotry, and fanaticism of many, who are
+sincere in their profession and honest in their intemperate zeal; but
+it is doubly hard that a set of coxcomical greenhorns, who scarcely
+know the difference between the Bible and the Koran, who cannot tell
+why they believe, and who do not care what they believe, who never
+enter a church, and who never doubt because they never think, it is
+doubly hard that all their impertinent arrogance should be laid to the
+charge of a religion which has never influenced one action of their
+lives, or one thought of their hearts.
+
+Finding that Mr Darnley the elder would not listen to or be influenced
+by any recantation of his calumny, the critic next sought for the young
+gentleman to whom he made known the fact of the arrival of Mr Primrose
+at Smatterton.
+
+During the visit, which the loyal and religious Zephaniah Pringle paid
+at Smatterton, there had been comparatively little intercourse between
+him and Robert Darnley. This was owing to two causes: in the first
+place, Robert Darnley was in low spirits, and had not much intercourse
+with any one; and, in the second place, he had a contempt for puppyism,
+and Zephaniah had wit enough to see that he had.
+
+In the present instance it was an object with Mr Pringle to correct any
+erroneous notion which he might have conveyed to the mind of Mr Robert
+Darnley; he therefore began the conversation.
+
+"I think I must have been in an error when I informed you, as you may
+remember, that Miss Primrose was living with Lord Spoonbill."
+
+"Very likely you were, sir," replied Mr Robert Darnley, somewhat
+abruptly; "but did you not insinuate to me that you had the information
+from Lord Spoonbill himself?"
+
+This question was perplexing to the critic. He had insinuated as
+much, but he had not absolutely said so. Therefore he could not
+promptly reply in the negative, but was forced to make use of a little
+circumlocution, saying:
+
+"Why not exactly so; I did not say that Lord Spoonbill himself told me
+in so many words: I merely--I said---that is--a very intimate friend of
+Spoonbill said, that he thought--that is, he understood that--I believe
+he said that he had reason to suspect that some arrangement was likely
+to be made--"
+
+Thereupon the explanation tapered off into an indistinct muttering
+that was sufficient, if for no other purpose, at least to show that
+Mr Zephaniah Pringle was a sneaking, shuffling, contemptible fellow.
+Robert Darnley was not in the habit of flying into a violent passion
+when he felt contempt for any meanness of character or conduct; if
+such had been his temperament, the present was an occasion, all
+circumstances being considered, strong enough to tempt him to knock a
+fool's head and the wall together. He contented himself with coolly
+saying:
+
+"It is a great pity, sir, that you should have circulated a report of
+that nature before you were quite certain that it was true."
+
+"I am very sorry indeed," replied Zephaniah, "that I was led into
+such an error."
+
+"Well, well," said Robert Darnley, "I dare say it will not be
+productive of any very serious consequence. Nobody who was at all
+acquainted with Miss Primrose could possibly believe the report."
+
+Zephaniah Pringle thought it but poor consolation to be told that he
+was not likely to be believed. He felt himself indeed so thoroughly
+humbled, that he was heartily glad to bring his conference with Robert
+Darnley to a close. The critic very soon said, "Good morning," and
+Robert Darnley returned his "Good morning" in such a tone, and with
+such an air, as to make Zephaniah experience the sensation of being
+looked down upon.
+
+It was a great refreshment and relief to the mind of the younger
+Darnley, to hear that Penelope and her father had arrived at
+Smatterton. He had never believed the calumnious tale of the loyal and
+religious critic, but he certainly did entertain some apprehension
+that assiduous attentions from a person of high rank and large estate
+might produce in time an effect even upon the mind of Penelope. As
+now Mr Primrose had come down expressly to take up his residence at
+Smatterton, and as this was not a time of year for such families as
+that of the Earl of Smatterton to take up their abode in the country,
+there was some ground to hope that, if the young nobleman had even made
+endeavours to gain the affection of Penelope, he had not succeeded.
+
+It was the blessing of Robert Darnley's mind that he had a disposition
+to look on the most favorable aspect of events, and it was not in
+his nature to yield himself up to a slight misunderstanding or
+misapprehension. Many miseries might be avoided if mankind possessed in
+general a little more of that kind of considerateness; but the evil
+is, that they too often take up with any idle tale, and are led by
+the merest and slightest apprehensions into quarrels, coldnesses, and
+loss of friendships: inasmuch, that a quarrel is courteously called a
+misunderstanding, much to the reproach indeed of the misunderstanders;
+for it is thereby intimated that the parties quarrel merely for the
+want of taking the pains to understand one another, or sometimes
+perhaps to understand themselves.
+
+Under the circumstances which belong to this narration, it would
+have been very possible for two simpletons to have made themselves
+completely wretched. And as some people are very glad to be miserable
+for the sake of the pathos and sentimentality thereof, we will tell
+these people, though perhaps they could find it out without our
+assistance, how they might make themselves truly wretched under similar
+circumstances.
+
+To gain this desirable end, the gentleman and the lady should have
+despaired of meeting each other again, and should have carefully
+avoided everything that might lead to an explanation, and they should,
+while very much in love with each other, have made all possible haste
+to give their hands to another. They ought to have married, as it
+were, out of spite, and then after marriage they ought to have met by
+accident, and to have explained; and then they ought to have compared
+notes, and to have made it out that one had the worst husband, and
+the other the worst wife, in the world; and then they would have had
+nothing more to do than to have made a very pretty tragical conclusion
+of the business, either giving employment to, what the newspapers call,
+the gentlemen of the long robe, or, more seriously still, causing the
+calling together of a coroner's jury.
+
+It was well for Robert Darnley that such was not his disposition. He
+thought it much the best to ascertain, if he possibly could, what
+were Penelope's real sentiments; and for that purpose he had already
+spoken to her father, and, as no result had come from speaking, he
+had written; and if his letter had not been soon answered, or if Mr
+Primrose had not arrived at Smatterton, he would have visited the party
+in London.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+
+The arrival of Mr Primrose and Penelope at Smatterton gave trouble and
+disturbance to many minds there, and at Neverden. We shall be fortunate
+if, without tediousness, we can explain this.
+
+Zephaniah Pringle was troubled, because he laboured under the
+apprehension that some kind friend or other might communicate to the
+father what had been said of the daughter. And Zephaniah very naturally
+thought that the young lady's father would resent the insult very much
+to the inconvenience, bodily or mental, of the said loyal and religious
+critic.
+
+The elder Mr Darnley was troubled, as we have already intimated, lest
+this arrival should again unsettle the mind of his son. Mrs Darnley
+also thought it was a pity, now Robert had so nearly recovered his
+spirits, that there should be any probability of his being again
+disturbed. Miss Mary Darnley, who, by frequent literary and scientific
+discussions with the learned and scientific Mr Kipperson, had become
+a great admirer of the gentleman, was jealous of the presence of Miss
+Primrose again in the country. The two other young ladies, who did not
+like to hear their father preach, except in the pulpit, were troubled
+with the apprehension of long lectures on the impropriety of being
+improperly in love.
+
+Mr Kipperson also had his troubles; for though it would have given him
+great pleasure to have gained the heart of Miss Primrose, he thought
+he saw several formidable rivals among gentlemen of more suitable age.
+But Mr Kipperson had too much self-love to suffer much from love of any
+other description. Robert Darnley was troubled and perplexed, though
+very much pleased. He now saw that he should have an opportunity of
+ascertaining the truth: but in either case there was an evil. For if
+Penelope still retained a regard for him, there was yet to be dreaded
+the opposition of his father; and if she did not, the change would be
+painful to him.
+
+But the greatest trouble was at Neverden Hall. There was residing under
+the roof of Sir George Aimwell a young lady, who had been consigned
+to the care of the worthy baronet. The name of this lady was Arabella
+Glossop. She had very recently been sent to Neverden by her careful
+father, in order that time, absence, and change of scene, might
+eradicate from her mind an unfortunate attachment which she had formed
+for a pennyless lieutenant.
+
+Here we cannot but suggest to our legislators an improvement, which
+might and ought to be made in our military code. It is melancholy
+to think how many instances have occurred of men of low family and
+no fortune winning the hearts of young ladies of high birth, of
+respectable connexions, and of good fortune. This might be prevented by
+a law, making it felony for a military officer without fortune to fall
+in love with a lady of good family.
+
+Miss Glossop was not indeed of high family; but she was the daughter of
+a gentleman whose family had with great diligence been pushing itself
+up into consideration and importance. The mortification of anything
+like a humiliating connexion was so much the greater. Mr Glossop, the
+young lady's father, was an eminent solicitor in a small but genteel
+town, and had married a distant relation of Sir George Aimwell. Of this
+connexion Mr Glossop was naturally proud; and he made the most of it.
+
+In the town where he lived was a theatre; and the company which
+performed there was pronounced by such London performers as
+occasionally lent their mighty selves for provincial exhibition, to
+be one of the best provincial companies they had ever performed
+with. When an actor from London made his appearance on the stage,
+Miss Glossop honored the theatre with her presence. Greatly did the
+young lady surprize the natives by her studied inattention to what was
+passing on the stage. It was to her a mighty amusement to laugh and
+talk aloud, especially during those passages of the performance which
+were most interesting to the rest of the audience. By such means did
+Miss Glossop manifest her own importance and superiority. This kind
+of public rudeness passed with the ignorant people in the country for
+elegance and fashion.
+
+The young lady was in error in this respect. But not only was she wrong
+in her calculations in this point. Many other blunders did she make.
+For being very pretty, she thought herself handsome; and being tall,
+she thought herself elegant; and being acquainted with many books, she
+thought herself learned; and having a full, clear, comprehensive voice,
+she thought herself a beautiful singer; and being able to perform at
+sight very complicated pieces of music, she apprehended that she was an
+excellent musician; and being rude and blunt in her manner of speaking,
+she thought herself a person of great intellectual superiority; and
+from being very much stared at, she took it for granted that she was
+very much admired.
+
+Now this lady did not apprehend that there was any individual in the
+compass of her provincial acquaintance worthy to aspire to the honor
+of her hand; and she was in the habit of giving herself such arrogant
+and domineering airs at the country balls, that a facetiously inclined
+young gentleman once actually contrived in the advertisement announcing
+these balls, to have the name of Arabella Glossop, Esq., printed as one
+of the stewards. The circumstance caused a great deal of talk at the
+time; but it is now totally forgotten, or at least very seldom alluded
+to. The printer of the paper was forced to tell a great many lies to
+save himself from serious inconvenience.
+
+At one of these country balls there happened to be a lieutenant who was
+quartered in that neighbourhood, and was a person of exceedingly good
+address, and also of good understanding, except that he was so very
+desirous of obtaining a fortune, that, for the sake of money, he would
+willingly have married Miss Glossop. He had heard reports of the lady's
+fortune, and these reports were of course exaggerated. He paid the
+usual attentions, and was so far successful that, had it not been for
+some untoward accident, Mr Glossop's ambition of matching his daughter
+with some gentleman of fortune and consideration in the county, would
+have been frustrated by a poor lieutenant.
+
+As soon as the unfortunate attachment was made known to the father, he
+put himself with all suitable speed into a most towering passion; he
+banged all the doors, thumped all the tables, kicked all the chairs,
+and, but for the interference of Mrs Glossop, would have broken all
+the crockery in the house, because his daughter would not listen to
+reason. The young lady was locked up; but the young lady grew sulky,
+and thought that her dear lieutenant was the most charming creature in
+the world, because her father was in a violent passion. And the more
+angry was Mr Glossop, the more deeply in love was Miss Glossop.
+
+We have said that the young lady was locked up. Now Arabella did not
+like this discipline, and she seriously threatened her inexorable
+paa, that if she was not suffered to have her own way, she would
+either starve herself to death, or go mad. This last idea was no doubt
+suggested by a pathetic passage in one of Oliver Goldsmith's poems,
+wherein he says:
+
+  "The dog to gain his private ends
+  Went mad."----
+
+Whatever apprehensions Mr Glossop might entertain concerning his
+daughter's madness, he certainly had some slight idea that he himself
+might be driven mad by the young lady's perverseness and obstinacy.
+Therefore he adopted the very wise and prudent precaution, in such
+cases made and provided, of sending the lovely and loving Arabella to
+his worthy friend and relative, Sir George Aimwell, Bart.
+
+Mr Glossop wisely thought that absence and change of scene might
+produce a beneficial change in his daughter's mind. The worthy baronet
+was pleased with the charge; for as the shooting season was nearly
+over, and as he had suffered very bitterly from the encroachments of
+the poachers, and as the transgressing ones had made their escape, he
+was glad of anything that promised him a little amusement. Arabella had
+always been a favorite with the baronet on account of her high spirit,
+and when he heard of the nature of the complaint which rendered change
+of air desirable, he very readily undertook the charge, thinking that
+a better remedy was within reach, and that Robert Darnley might very
+probably banish from the mind of his young kinswoman all thoughts of
+the poor lieutenant.
+
+Nor did the baronet judge unwisely. For, as soon as the lady had taken
+up her abode at Neverden Hall, her spirits revived, and her wit and
+humour were all alive again, and her love of admiration was as strong
+as ever, and she very soon pronounced Robert Darnley to be a charming
+young fellow. The worthy baronet was pleased with such good symptoms,
+and had written word to her father accordingly. To a match of this
+nature Mr Glossop had no very great objection. The Darnleys were of
+good family, and the young man was likely to have a good property.
+Perhaps, Mr Glossop would have preferred an union with the family of
+the Earl of Smatterton; but at all events the Darnleys were better than
+poor lieutenants.
+
+The circumstance of Arabella Glossop being placed under the care of
+Sir George Aimwell, had rendered the intercourse between the hall and
+the rectory rather more frequent than usual; and the baronet had of
+course been made acquainted with the fact of Robert Darnley's former
+engagement to Miss Primrose. When, therefore, Penelope and her father
+made their appearance at Smatterton again, and thus gave a virtual
+contradiction to the calumnious report which Mr Zephaniah Pringle had
+circulated, Sir George began to be apprehensive that his schemes with
+regard to the son of the rector of Neverden were very likely to fail.
+
+We have now explained according to the best of our ability, and in
+as few words as distinctness would permit us to use, the varied
+perplexities occasioned by the apparently simple fact of Mr Primrose
+and his daughter taking up their abode at Smatterton rectory. Oh! how
+complicated are the interests of humanity, and what mighty changes
+are made in the history of the world and the destiny of nations by
+movements apparently trifling and of no moment. Common people do not
+observe these things; it is only such wise people, gentle reader, as
+you and I and Tacitus, that can take a philosophical and comprehensive
+view of the history of man. But we must economise our wisdom, or it
+will not hold out. Therefore let us proceed with our history.
+
+The letter which Robert Darnley had written to Mr Primrose, and which
+the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill had fruitlessly fumbled and tumbled
+to ascertain the contents thereof, found its way at last into the hands
+for which it was by its writer originally destined. It was brought to
+Smatterton, as usual, by Nick Muggins.
+
+Nick was a poor lad and a somewhat simple one, though not altogether
+lacking craftiness. He was not so rich as an archdeacon, but he had not
+quite determined that he was too poor to keep a conscience; therefore
+he had not entirely given it up for a bad job. He kept a pony--he was
+almost forced to do so--but he kept his pony very scantily and worked
+it hardly, and the beast was at best but a queer kind of animal. It
+would have been a riddle to Buffon, and a treasure to Sir Joseph Banks.
+Nick's conscience was kept about as scurvily as his pony, and was much
+such another nondescript; but, like his pony, it answered his purpose
+as well as a better; it was kicked, cuffed, and buffeted about, but
+still it was a conscience.
+
+Now this conscience, such as it was, smote poor Muggins right heartily
+when he delivered into the fair hands of Penelope Primrose a letter for
+her father. The poor lad recollected that he had, at Lord Spoonbill's
+expense, drunk several more quarts of strong beer and glasses of gin
+than would otherwise have fallen to his lot, and that he had obtained
+these extra luxuries by putting into the hands of his lordship those
+letters which he ought to have delivered to Penelope Primrose.
+
+When Penelope left Smatterton, and was residing in London, Nick thought
+little or nothing concerning his treachery. But now she had returned
+to the country again, and he had seen her, and she had spoken to him
+kindly and civilly, and had condescended to make enquiries after his
+poor old mother, his heart melted within him, and he could hardly speak
+to her. It was very kind of her to come out and speak to him, there was
+not one young lady in a hundred who would have condescended so much.
+Poor Muggins could not think what had bewitched him to play the traitor
+to so beautiful, so elegant, and so sweet-tempered a young lady as Miss
+Primrose; for Nick had a notion of elegance and beauty, though, to look
+at himself and his pony, one would hardly have imagined it.
+
+That was a curious refinement in Nick's conscience, that he should
+reproach himself so much the more bitterly for his transgression,
+because the person whom he had injured was beautiful and
+sweet-tempered. Perhaps he would have thought less of the matter had
+Miss Primrose been a little, under-sized, snub-nosed, cross-grained
+old maid. But that is a very dangerous and wicked mode of reasoning,
+and wiser people than Nick Muggins are guilty of it; let such persons
+be told that under-sized, snub-nosed, cross-grained old maids have as
+much feeling as the rest of the world, and are as much entitled to the
+advantages and protection of the laws of humanity as the young, and the
+lovely, and the amiable.
+
+Be this as it may, still the ungainly post-boy felt rather awkwardly
+and looked foolishly when he thus encountered the unexpected appearance
+and condescension of Penelope Primrose. And when he returned home
+to his mother's cottage, he could not help acknowledging to her his
+transgressions, and speaking of the remorse that he felt.
+
+The old woman however thought and said, that what was done could not be
+undone, and that he had better be more cautious another time, and that
+mayhap it might not be a matter of much consequence; just a love affair
+like, or some sich stuff; and she concluded by telling him never to
+take money out of letters for fear of being hanged.
+
+"But I am so sorry, mother," said Nick, "you can't think what
+a nice, kind young lady Miss Primrose is."
+
+"Ay, ay," said Mrs Muggins, in reply, "and so is my Lord Spoonbill a
+very nice young gentleman. Never mind now, only don't do so again. And
+what's the use of your telling Miss Primrose anything about it?"
+
+"Oh why, because somehow I think it was such a pity like. She is so
+pretty."
+
+"Nonsense, boy; Lord Spoonbill is a person of much greater consequence
+than a dozen pretty Miss Primroses. I am sure he is as nice a man as
+ever lived."
+
+Nick muttered something about Lord Spoonbill's large whiskers, and the
+colloquy ceased; but Nick was fidgetty still.
+
+The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill suffered much uneasiness, and would,
+had he known what was passing in the mind of Nick Muggins, have
+suffered much more. But our business is now with the good people at
+Smatterton and Neverden, and we must therefore leave his lordship to
+bear his troubles by himself as well as he can.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+
+On the Sunday after their arrival, Mr Primrose and his daughter made
+their appearance at church, and the people of the village stared at
+them of course. The rector of Smatterton preached one of his best
+sermons, and in his best style. The eloquence was lost upon all his
+audience, except Mr Primrose and his daughter; they attended to the
+preacher, and the rest of the congregation attended to them.
+
+When the service was over, Penelope took her father to look at the
+monument which had been raised in the churchyard to the memory of Dr
+Greendale. It was a very handsome monument, and had been put up at the
+expense of the Earl of Smatterton. There was a very long and elaborate
+eulogium on the deceased, which had been drawn up, it is supposed,
+by Mr Darnley, but subsequently corrected and altered by the Earl of
+Smatterton in the first instance, and in the next by the stone-mason.
+
+Mr Primrose had been so long out of England that, for aught he knew to
+the contrary, it might be the fashion now to write nonsense on grave
+stones. There was however a kind intention, and Mr Primrose was pleased
+with it. While the father and daughter were thus mournfully enjoying
+the contemplation of this memorial of their deceased relative's
+virtues, the great boys and girls of the village who had been in the
+habit of bowing and curtseying to Penelope, and who remembered that
+their homage had been graciously received while she lived there under
+her uncle's roof, now thronged almost rudely round them, as if with a
+view of attracting the lady's notice.
+
+For a little while Penelope was too much taken up to notice them;
+but when her curiosity had been gratified, and her feelings had been
+indulged by a few gentle and stainless tears shed to the memory of her
+departed benefactor, she turned round and took particular notice of
+such as she remembered. She asked them such questions as occurred to
+her concerning their respective families and occupations, and she heard
+many an old story repeated concerning the aged and infirm. Enquiries
+were made by Penelope after grandfathers and grandmothers, and in one
+or two instances of great grandmothers. These enquiries were copiously
+or sheepishly answered, according to the several tastes and habits of
+the persons answering them.
+
+There was one little girl in the group whose face Penelope did not
+recollect. The child looked very earnestly at her, and seemed several
+times as if about to make an effort to speak, but awe held her back.
+With her, and as if urging her on to speak, was another and greater
+girl. And the greater girl moved the little one towards Miss Primrose,
+and the poor little girl coloured up to the eyes; but she had gone too
+far to retract, and she was emboldened at last by Penelope's kind looks
+to make a very pretty curtsey and say, "Please Miss--"
+
+The poor thing could get no farther, till Penelope relieved her
+embarrassment by taking hold of her hand and saying, "Well, my dear,
+what have you to say to me? I have no recollection that I have ever
+seen you before. How long have you lived at Smatterton?"
+
+Then the little one was emboldened to speak, and she told Penelope that
+she had but recently come there, and that she had taken the liberty to
+speak, because she had some few weeks ago picked up a letter directed
+to Miss Primrose.
+
+Hereupon the girl drew from her pocket a handkerchief which was
+carefully folded up, and when with great ceremony the handkerchief was
+unfolded, a letter made its appearance, which did not seem to have
+required much careful enveloping to keep it clean. It was miserably
+dirty, and the direction was barely visible. Penelope wondered indeed
+that the child had been able to make out the inscription, so far as
+to ascertain to whom it was addressed; but the hand-writing was so
+manifestly Robert Darnley's, that the young lady felt too much emotion
+and too eager a curiosity to wait to ask any farther particulars of the
+mode, place and time in which the letter was found. Only waiting to ask
+the child her name and place of abode, and to make such acknowledgment
+as is expected in such cases, Penelope hastened home full of contending
+and harassing thoughts, unable to form the slightest conjecture of a
+satisfactory nature concerning this strange occurrence.
+
+Now this letter, together with that which Robert Darnley had written
+to Mr Primrose, and which Mr Primrose gave to his daughter for her
+perusal, set the question completely at rest in the mind of Penelope,
+and assured her that the young gentleman had not by any neglect
+designed to break off the correspondence.
+
+But when one difficulty was removed, another started up in its place.
+There was something very remarkable in a letter being dropped out of
+the bag; but though it was barely possible that such mishap might have
+befallen one letter, it was by no means a supposable case that several
+letters in succession passing between the same persons should all have
+met with the same accident. In the interruption of these letters there
+was clearly design and intention; but what was the design, or who was
+the designer, Penelope could not conjecture. Her suspicions could not
+find an object to rest upon; she was not aware of having any enemies,
+and of course she could not imagine that any one but an enemy could
+have behaved so cruelly. She concluded, therefore, as far as in such
+a case any conclusion could be made, that the interruption of the
+correspondence must have been effected by some enemy of Robert Darnley.
+
+It was not very pleasant to have the idea of some concealed and
+unascertained enemy, but there was something gratifying to Penelope in
+having discovered that verily the cessation of the correspondence had
+not been voluntary on the part of her lover. Therefore, as it appeared
+from the letter which had been picked up that the young gentleman had
+not ceased to write, even after he had some ground to fear that the
+correspondence was discontinued by the young lady, and as it was also
+manifest from the letter addressed to Mr Primrose, that Robert Darnley
+was still desirous of an explanation of the young lady's silence,
+Penelope could not any longer resist her father's proposal that he
+should write to the young gentleman.
+
+The answer was accordingly sent to Robert Darnley, and the explanation
+which he sought was amply and fully given. He was also as much puzzled
+as the young lady was at the circumstance of the letter being picked
+up, and his conjectures found no resting place. His immediate impulse
+was to make direct enquiry of the post-boy, and to extort from him, if
+possible, some account of the very remarkable fact of a correspondence
+actually suppressed by the failure of three letters in succession.
+
+But there was a more interesting matter yet to attend to, and that
+was the meeting with Penelope after a long absence and an interrupted
+correspondence. Robert Darnley knew his father's temperament, and felt
+a difficulty in mentioning the subject to him, but still he could not
+think of renewing the acquaintance with a view to marriage, without
+explicitly informing his father of the intention.
+
+Mr Primrose and his daughter had now been at Smatterton a few days, and
+as the two villages were so remarkably intimate with each other, it
+was impossible for anything to take place in the one without its being
+known in the other. The arrival of the parties had been made known,
+as we have seen, at the rectory of Neverden, and apprehensions were
+entertained by the daughters of Mr Darnley that their father would be
+grievously liberal of his wise exhortations to his yet enamoured son.
+And when two or three days had passed away, and not a word of public
+notice had been taken of the fact in the family of the rector, the
+young ladies began to please themselves with the hope that no notice
+would be taken of the matter, and they trusted that some circumstance
+or other might remove Penelope again, and finally, from Smatterton;
+or, as they thought it not unlikely, their brother might soon fix his
+affections elsewhere.
+
+It was very clear to the young ladies that Miss Glossop,
+notwithstanding her recent disappointment, was something of an admirer
+of their brother; and it was obvious that Sir George Aimwell was
+desirous of cultivating an acquaintance between the parties. The
+worthy baronet was unusually eloquent in praising Miss Glossop, and
+mightily ingenious in discovering innumerable, and to other eyes
+undiscernible, good qualities in his fair kinswoman. But though Sir
+George was a magistrate and a game preserver, he was no conjurer. He
+was not aware that there could exist any diversities of taste; but he
+seemed to imagine that those qualities which were agreeable to himself
+must be agreeable to everybody else; and when he was descanting on the
+multitudinous excellences of Miss Glossop, and describing her to Robert
+Darnley as possessing every possible and impossible virtue, he did not
+see that the young man's mind was of a complexion widely different from
+his own. It was not therefore to this young lady that the daughters of
+the rector of Neverden looked forward as the person likely to liberate
+them from Miss Primrose.
+
+Their hope was altogether of an undefined nature. They merely hoped and
+trusted that something would occur to relieve them from their present
+uncomfortable condition. This undefined hope is, perhaps, after all the
+best that we can entertain. It may appear not very rational, but we
+have a notion that in serious truth it is a great deal more rational
+than that hope which seems to have a foundation in something probable:
+for it is in the very nature and condition of earthly events, that
+they almost invariably disappoint expectation and miserably mock our
+sagacity. If therefore our hopes be of something definite, they will
+be almost assuredly disappointed; but if we only hope generally and
+indefinitely that something, we know not what, may occur to remove the
+cause of our troubles, we may have a much better chance that we shall
+not be disappointed. The chances in our favor are thus indefinitely
+multiplied.
+
+The hope of the young ladies, that nothing would be said about Miss
+Primrose because nothing had been said about her for several days,
+was disappointed on the very morning that Mr Primrose sent his answer
+to Robert Darnley, explaining the cause of the suspension of the
+correspondence. The note from Mr Primrose was brought to Neverden by
+the trusty servant and universal genius who performed at Smatterton
+rectory the various duties of footman, groom, gardener, butler,
+stable-boy, and porter.
+
+Mr Darnley, whose eyes were ever vigilant, no sooner saw the messenger
+than he conjectured what was the object of his coming; that is, he so
+far conjectured as to form an idea that the note was with reference
+to Miss Primrose. When therefore the reverend gentleman heard that a
+note was actually brought from Smatterton rectory, and addressed to Mr
+Robert Darnley, the feeling of curiosity was strongly excited to know
+what was the object of the said note. But, to say nothing of curiosity,
+the elder Mr Darnley felt that it was his duty to be acquainted with
+all correspondence carried on with persons under his roof, especially
+with members of his own family.
+
+Impelled then by a double motive--the power of curiosity and a sense of
+duty--the rector of Neverden very peremptorily commanded the attendance
+of his son in the study. The command was as promptly obeyed as it had
+been authoritatively given.
+
+"You have had a note from Smatterton this morning?" said the father.
+
+"I have, sir," replied the son steadily, but respectfully.
+
+"And may I be permitted to know the contents of that communication?"
+
+"Most assuredly, sir," replied the young gentleman: "I intended to
+acquaint you with its contents as soon as I had read it."
+
+Robert Darnley then handed the paper to his father, who perused it
+with eager haste and anxious excitement. Rapidly however as the rector
+read the communication, he discerned two facts which made him angry,
+and, as he said, astonished. We have observed that the astonishment
+rests upon the testimony only of Mr Darnley's own saying; and we
+have made that observation, because we think that Mr Darnley was not
+strictly correct in his assertion: we do not believe that Mr Darnley
+was at all astonished at those facts. He was no doubt angry when
+he discovered that his son had written to Mr Primrose; and there is
+nothing incredible in the idea that he was angry at the anticipation of
+a renewal of the acquaintance between his son and Miss Primrose. But he
+was not astonished at these things, and he ought not to have said that
+he was. It is however a very common practice, for the sake of giving
+pathos and effect to moral exhortation or expostulation, to express an
+astonishment which is not felt. This is a species of lying, and Mrs
+Opie would certainly set it down as such.
+
+Mr Darnley not only said that he was astonished, but absolutely
+affected to look astonished. But that dramatic species of visual
+rebuke was by no means adapted to produce an impression on Mr Darnley
+the younger; and had the trick been played off by any one else than a
+parent, the young gentleman would certainly have laughed. It has been
+often observed, that children are much more knowing than is generally
+supposed, and the same observation may be applied to children of a
+larger growth. But parents cannot well help considering their children
+as always children.
+
+"And so," said the rector of Neverden, "you have actually had the
+folly to write to Mr Primrose, and to endeavour to renew an acquaintance
+which was clearly and positively broken off by Miss Primrose herself?"
+
+"I think, sir," responded with much gentleness the rector's son,
+"that, if you read this note attentively, you will see that Miss
+Primrose did not positively break the acquaintance, but that by some
+means, as yet unknown, the letters which should have passed between us
+were intercepted. Proof of that is given in the singular circumstance,
+that the last letter which I wrote to Smatterton from India was the
+other day picked up by a child."
+
+Mr Darnley smiled a smile of incredulity and compassionate
+condescension.
+
+"Foolish boy," said he, "and can you suffer yourself to be so easily
+deceived as to believe this story?"
+
+"Surely you will not go so far as to say that Miss Primrose would
+descend to the meanness of asserting an untruth."
+
+"I am asserting nothing concerning Miss Primrose. This note is not
+her's, it is her father's; and I do know that Mr Primrose can use
+profane language; I have heard him. And would such a man hesitate at
+untruth for the sake of an establishment for his daughter? Besides what
+can be more clear than that, now the negotiation with Lord Spoonbill is
+broken off, they are very willing to apply to you again."
+
+There is great power in imagination. Mr Darnley had taken it into
+his head that Penelope had really been simple enough to admire Lord
+Spoonbill, and vain enough to aspire to title on the strength of
+personal beauty. She was what is commonly called a fine young woman,
+and there was in her deportment, especially in the season of health and
+spirits, while her uncle lived, a certain constitutional magnificence
+of manner which might easily bear the name of pride and haughtiness.
+Now as Mr Darnley was himself a proud man, he did not like pride;
+and there is nothing at all paradoxical or inconsistent in this. It
+is perfectly natural that those who feel a pleasure in looking down
+on others and being looked up to, should not be pleased with such as
+indulge them not in their favourite occupation.
+
+There had not indeed ever been in the behaviour of Penelope towards
+Mr Darnley anything actually disrespectful; but Mr Darnley could see
+that her spirit was high and essentially unsubmissive. He had therefore
+always called her proud; and as soon as any suspicion arose of the
+withdrawing of her affections from Robert Darnley, immediately the
+father concluded that this change was owing to the young lady's pride
+aspiring to the hand of Lord Spoonbill; and when she went to London
+to the Countess, then his suspicion seemed corroborated; and when
+she returned to Smatterton, and when Mr Primrose sent the note in
+question to Neverden, then did Mr Darnley feel himself assured that the
+young lady had been disappointed in her calculations concerning Lord
+Spoonbill, and that now she repented her folly in renouncing the hand
+of Robert Darnley, and wished to recall the affection which she had
+spurned.
+
+Under such persuasion, from which not all the logic in the world could
+move him, he smiled at the credulity and the weakness of the young man,
+while the young man was equally astonished and grieved at the immovable
+obstinacy of his father. Such cases sometimes occur, and perplexing are
+they when they do occur, in which a son bearing all possible respect
+towards a father feels himself yet justified in the court of his own
+conscience in acting contrary to his father's will. Thus situated was
+the son of the rector of Neverden. He found that it would be in vain
+to use any arguments, and he was firm in his intention of taking the
+earliest opportunity of acknowledging the receipt of Mr Primrose's
+letter, and of expressing his full determination to renew the
+acquaintance with Penelope. So far was the young man from participating
+in his father's suspicions, that the very arguments which the father
+had used, and the particulars which he had stated, did but strengthen
+his own opinion of the purity and correctness of the young lady's
+conduct; and when he considered the circumstances under which she had
+been placed, he felt a degree of pity for her, and he pitied her also
+that she laboured under those untoward and unfounded suspicions which
+had been excited by the idle tongue of Zephaniah Pringle.
+
+It became in fact to Robert Darnley a matter of conscience to rectify
+all misunderstandings as early as possible. Without therefore affecting
+to enter into any elaborate discussion with his father, he merely
+replied to what had been said: "I cannot say that I view this affair
+in the same light that you do, sir; and I am satisfied that if you had
+a knowledge of all the facts, you would not have reason to blame Miss
+Primrose. I will not pretend to argue with you, or to presume to put
+my knowledge of the world in competition with yours. But I must take
+the liberty to say firmly, though respectfully, that it is my intention
+to see Mr and Miss Primrose, and if I find that Penelope is still the
+same amiable and pure-minded young woman as she was when I first made
+her an offer of my hand, I will repeat that offer; and I am convinced
+your prejudice will wear off, if not by my arguments, at least they
+will give way to the young lady's real excellence of character."
+
+Mr Darnley was not accustomed to be contradicted. Neither his wife
+nor his daughters ever disputed his will, or affected to oppose their
+logic to his determinations. Of his son's obedience and gentleness of
+disposition he had always entertained the highest opinion, and with
+reason: but he forgot that everything has its limits, and there is a
+point beyond which compliance and obedience cannot go. If Mr Darnley
+had said at the close of his son's last speech, "I am astonished,"
+he would have spoken truly. He was indeed astonished, but he was
+not frightened out of his propriety; he was rather frightened into
+propriety.
+
+For a few seconds he was absolutely speechless and almost breathless.
+But soon respiration returned, and the power of speech returned
+with it; and his momentary gasp of astonishment gave him time for
+consideration. He considered in that brief interval that he had no more
+power over his son than his son chose to give him, and he thought it a
+pity to endanger his influence by attempting to retain his authority.
+Subduing himself, he replied:
+
+"If you will be obstinate there is no help for it. But I could wish
+that you would listen to reason."
+
+Thus speaking, Mr Darnley left the apartment, angry but endeavouring to
+keep himself calm.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+
+Mr Darnley's study overlooked the avenue which led to the house. For a
+study it was not well situated, inasmuch as it was next to impossible
+for any one but a person of great powers of abstraction to keep himself
+free from interruption. The situation however was very well adapted to
+the humour of the rector of Neverden; for thus he could observe every
+one who approached the house, and exercise a continual superintendance
+over his establishment, seeing that no one could enter or leave the
+house without his knowledge.
+
+At the study window Robert Darnley took his station, looking listlessly
+towards the road that passed the end of the avenue and led towards
+the village of Smatterton. Turning a little towards the left hand he
+could see at a very short distance the magnificent towers of Smatterton
+castle and the smart gilt weathercock of Smatterton church. The young
+man was beginning to grow sentimental and melancholy; but soon his
+thoughts were diverted from sentimentality by the appearance of Nick
+Muggins and his pony fumbling their clumsy entrance at the great white
+gate that opened into the road. Better riders than Nick are sometimes
+puzzled at opening a heavy swing gate on horseback; but Nick would
+always manage it without dismounting, if he had to make twenty efforts
+for it.
+
+Nick was certainly a picturesque, though by no means a poetical object;
+and his appearance dispersed the gathering cloud of lackadaisicalness
+which was just threatening Robert Darnley with a fit of melancholy.
+Other thoughts, though bearing on the same object, now took possession
+of him; and as he was very straitforward and prompt in whatever
+occurred to him, he immediately resolved to question the boy concerning
+the lost letters.
+
+For this purpose, without waiting for the arrival of the letter-carrier
+at the house-door, Robert Darnley went partly down the avenue to meet
+him. Nick made one of his best bows, and grinned his compliments
+to the young gentleman on his arrival in England; for this was the
+first meeting of the parties since the rector's son arrived at home.
+Robert Darnley was not a man of compliments; he proceeded directly to
+business. Producing from his pocket the letter which had been picked up
+by the little girl, he held it out to the lad, saying:
+
+"Muggins, can you give any account of this letter; it was picked up in
+the road the other day; do you ever drop the letters out of the bag?"
+
+Muggins, who was as cunning a rogue as many of his betters, concealed
+his conviction and shame as well as might be, and took the letter into
+his hand with much simplicity of look, and gazed upon it for a while
+with "lack-lustre eye;" not that he had any great need to examine the
+letter in order to answer the question, but thereby he gained time to
+meditate a lie of some kind or other. After looking at it for a few
+moments he handed it back to Robert Darnley, and said:
+
+"Please, sir, I can't make out the 'rection of it."
+
+That might be true, but it was not much of an answer to the question
+which was proposed to him.
+
+"The direction of the letter," answered Darnley, "is to Miss Primrose
+at Smatterton. Now do you remember ever losing a letter that should
+have been delivered at the rectory at Smatterton?"
+
+Nick Muggins, we have related, was so melted by the condescending
+kindness of Penelope Primrose, that his heart smote him sorely for
+his unfaithfulness to his trust, and he was on the very verge of a
+confession of his iniquity; but then Penelope was not likely to
+horsewhip him, whereas there did appear to the sagacious mind of the
+treacherous letter-carrier some possibility of such operation being
+performed by the more vigorous arm of Robert Darnley; and as such a
+catastrophe must be exceedingly unpleasant to a man of any feeling,
+Nick resolved to use his utmost sagacity to avoid it. The question
+therefore, which was last proposed, he answered thus:
+
+"I've took a great many letters to Smatterton parsonage, sir, and I
+don't never remember losen none as I took there."
+
+Here again was an equivocation worthy of the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill himself. Robert Darnley thought that Nick Muggins was a fool,
+but Nick was not such a fool as he looked. He had prodigiously fine
+diplomatic talents, but 'Full many a flower, &c.' as the poet says.
+
+All the questions and cross-questionings of the son of the rector of
+Neverden could not extort from the carrier of the Smatterton and
+Neverden letter-bags any information leading to the discovery of the
+circumstances to which the interruption of the correspondence might
+be attributed. In despair of ascertaining anything, Robert Darnley
+ceased his interrogations, and the uncouth rider of the indescribable
+beast then handed to his interrogator his share of the contents of the
+letter-bag. It was only one letter, and the superscription was in an
+unknown hand.
+
+The young gentleman opened the letter with great eagerness of
+curiosity, and looking to the end of it he found that it was anonymous.
+He endeavoured to read and comprehend the whole by one glance, but it
+did not betray its meaning so obviously; he was therefore under the
+necessity of reading it regularly line by line. We are not much in the
+habit of printing letters--we think it a breach of confidence; but, as
+the present is anonymous, we venture to give it:
+
+"A sincere well-wisher to Mr Robert Darnley, though a total stranger,
+or nearly so, wishes to caution an unsuspicious and generous mind
+against a deep-laid plot, which has for its object to entrap Mr D.
+into a marriage, which will bring with it poverty and disgrace. It may
+not be altogether unknown to Mr D. that a certain gentleman, who shall
+be nameless, once ruined a handsome fortune by gaming. This gentleman
+now professes to have repaired his shattered fortunes, and to have
+forsaken entirely his vicious habit. But this is mere pretence. Nearly
+the whole of that which he acquired abroad, he has in a short time lost
+by gambling at home; and now he gives out that his loss arises from
+the stoppage of a banking-house in town. Concerning the character of
+a young lady nearly related to the gentleman above alluded to, Mr D.
+would do well to make the strictest inquiry before he ventures on the
+irretrievable step of marriage. Mr D. ought to ascertain why Smatterton
+is chosen for her residence. The ---- family is not residing at the
+castle, but it is possible that an individual of that family may find a
+pretence for an incognito visit there. A word to the wise is enough."
+
+A letter such as this was almost too much for Robert Darnley. He
+was honest, candid, and unsuspicious; but even in such minds as his
+jealousy may be excited, and the above letter very nearly answered the
+purpose.
+
+Instead of going directly to Smatterton, according to his first
+intention, he returned to the house, and read over and over again this
+mysterious and anonymous epistle. But there was nothing in it which
+could afford him the slightest information as to the source from whence
+it came, or the motive with which it could have been written.
+
+It was peculiarly mortifying, after the magnanimous, prompt, and
+decided avowal which he had made to his father, of his intention of
+renewing his acquaintance with Miss Primrose, that he should meet with
+this painful and perplexing interruption. He began to wish that he
+had not been quite so positive. He supposed that of course his father
+took it for granted that the threatened visit to Smatterton would
+be paid that very morning. And he had dreaded meeting the family at
+dinner, should the visit have been paid; but still greater would be his
+mortification to meet his father again and be forced to acknowledge
+that he had not been to Smatterton. It would be but natural to ask if
+he had been there, and quite as natural to ask why he had not.
+
+The answer to these enquiries would involve the young gentleman in a
+dilemma, to extricate himself from which would require the talents
+of a Muggins, or a Spoonbill. But Robert Darnley was not cut out for
+shuffling and equivocating. His only consideration was, how far it
+might be prudent to inform his father of the receipt of the anonymous
+letter.
+
+For the purpose of giving himself time for uninterrupted meditation, he
+sauntered out from the house, and, as it were unconsciously, turned
+his steps towards the village of Smatterton. And he thought, as he
+walked along, that it would take several days at least, if not some
+weeks, to ascertain the truth or falsehood of the insinuations. He knew
+not where to seek for information, or how to gain evidence either on
+one side or the other. If he should not very soon make a visit to Mr
+Primrose, it would seem manifest that his intention was not to renew
+the acquaintance with Penelope; and very mortifying indeed would it be
+to him, if, after making enquiries and finding that the insinuations
+of the anonymous letter were unfounded, malicious and mischievous, he
+should, by his tardiness or mean suspicions, have forfeited the good
+will of the young lady.
+
+Fortunate for him was it, that while he was thinking on the subject of
+this anonymous communication, and putting the case that it might be
+the work of some malicious and ill-designing one, there occurred also
+to his recollection the lost letter which had been picked up by a
+stranger. With the recollection of that came also again to his mind the
+image and tone and look of the crafty letter-carrier, and the shuffling
+evasive answers which the cunning dog had given to his interrogatories.
+
+Wise and penetrating reader, who can'st dive most deeply into human
+motives, and read the movements of the human heart, we beseech thee
+not to impute it to stupidity or obtuseness in our friend Robert
+Darnley, that he could not sooner see the probability of the existence
+in some quarter or other of a spirit of treachery at work against him.
+His own mind was of a very unsuspicious cast, and he was not in the
+habit of looking for deeply-laid schemes, but he gave general credit
+to appearances and ordinary assertions. He was not unaware of the
+existence of roguery, or of the circulation of unfounded reports, but
+he did not look very commonly and cunningly for tricks and falsehood
+in the everyday movements of human life. But when he once had ground
+for suspicion, he had sagacity enough to pursue the investigation, and
+prudence enough not to be deceived when once put on his guard.
+
+He thought again of the anonymous letter, and he knew that there was
+no individual residing in London sufficiently acquainted with him to
+have written this letter for his sake. He thought of the intercepted
+letters, and of the allusion to Lord Spoonbill, and he thought of none
+so likely to have intercepted those letters as Lord Spoonbill himself.
+An apprehension of something near the truth now came firmly and
+distinctly upon his mind.
+
+Under the impression of this thought, he moved somewhat more rapidly
+and decidedly towards Smatterton, almost resolving that he would
+actually call at once on Mr Primrose, and renew his acquaintance with
+Penelope. He thought that he possessed penetration enough to discover
+if there were in the young lady's deportment and carriage any symptoms
+of a diminished or impaired moral feeling.
+
+It would not be much out of his way to go through the park, and as
+there was a footpath passing very closely by the castle, he designed to
+take that route, that, if meeting any one of the domestics, he might
+be able to ascertain whether or not Lord Spoonbill was expected at
+Smatterton.
+
+Not many steps had he taken with this intention before he had the
+satisfaction of meeting the unfaithful Nick Muggins, shuffling back
+from having delivered up his charge. Nick saw the young gentleman, and
+would gladly have avoided the meeting; but there was no way of escape,
+except by going back again to Smatterton, and that was quite out of
+the question, for at the public-house of that village he had spent his
+last allowable minute. Finding that the encounter must take place,
+Nick whistled himself up to his highest pitch of moral fortitude, and
+put spurs to his beast. He might as well have struck his spurs against
+a brick wall. The rough-coated quadruped had been too long in the
+service of government to be put out of his usual pace by Nick's spurs,
+and these said spurs had been long enough in the service of Muggins to
+have lost their virtue.
+
+Nick's next resource was to give Mr Robert Darnley the cut indirect,
+and to ride on without seeing him. But that was no easy matter in a
+narrow unfrequented road. Before the rogue could resolve what to do,
+the parties were together, and Robert Darnley, advancing into the
+middle of the road, gave command to the lad to stop. Disobedience of
+course was not to be thought of; and though the consciousness of guilt
+and the suspicion of accusation made him tremble, yet the necessity of
+concealment rendered him very cautious of betraying any emotion.
+
+The appearance of Robert Darnley's countenance was at this interview
+very different from what it had been an hour or two ago. For, in the
+first instance, he had been merely making an unsuspicious enquiry, and
+his interrogations had been more for the purpose of gaining information
+than for fixing an accusation. Now, he felt as if he were examining a
+criminal, and he directed a stern enquiring look towards the uncouth
+varlet, who blinked like an owl in the sunshine and seemed to be
+looking about for something to look at; for he was ashamed to look at
+Robert Darnley, and afraid to fix his eyes elsewhere.
+
+"Muggins, have the goodness to dismount," said the young gentleman;
+"I wish to have a little talk with you."
+
+That was a movement by no means agreeable to Mr Muggins, who would
+thereby be brought into closer and more perilous contact with an ugly
+ill-looking elastic knotted cane, which was bending under the pressure
+of Mr Darnley's hand. Muggins therefore, in answer to this command,
+said with all the coolness he could muster:
+
+"Please, sir, I maan't stay long."
+
+"Nonsense," replied Darnley; "dismount, I tell you."
+
+Now Muggins thought that if he was destined to receive a caning for a
+violation of his trust, he need not add to his troubles by provoking
+Mr Darnley to administer an extra application to him for refusing to
+dismount. Down therefore came Nick, and at the word of command fastened
+his horse to a gate-post.
+
+"Now, Muggins," said Robert Darnley, "if you don't tell me the
+truth, I will cane you as long as I can stand."
+
+"Sir?" said Muggins, in a tone of well-feigned astonishment, and with
+the accent of interrogation.
+
+"Will you tell me the truth, sir?" repeated the interrogator.
+
+"What about, sir?" asked Muggins.
+
+That question does by no means redound to the credit of Muggins; for
+had he been a truly honest lad, he would have been ready to tell the
+truth on any subject.
+
+"What about!" echoed Darnley; "about those letters, to be sure, which
+you ought to have delivered at the rectory at Smatterton. Tell me what
+you did with them, this moment."
+
+A threatening aspect accompanied, and a threatening attitude followed
+this speech. Muggins gave himself up for lost. If he called out
+"murder," there was none to assist him; running away was an absolute
+impossibility; resistance would be vain; and shuffling would no
+longer answer the purpose. It is astonishing how powerfully present
+considerations overwhelm and command the mind. If Muggins could have
+mustered up sufficient energy of purpose to resist the threats of
+the son of the rector of Neverden, he might afterwards have laid his
+case before the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, by whose interest he
+might have gained promotion, or by whose liberality he might have been
+handsomely rewarded. But all other thoughts and considerations were
+lost and absorbed in the elastic cane, which seemed vibrating with
+anxious eagerness for a close acquaintance with his shoulders.
+
+Cowering and trembling, the guilty one, whose craftiness would no
+longer avail him, dropped abjectly upon his knees and blubberingly
+implored for mercy, on consideration of revealing the whole truth.
+Darnley, who thought more of the happiness of renewing his acquaintance
+with Penelope than of the pleasure of caning a graceless varlet,
+readily promised mercy upon confession. And so great was Nick's
+gratitude for the mercy promised, that he told the whole truth, and
+gave up the character of Lord Spoonbill to contempt.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+
+When the interview recorded in the last chapter had concluded, both
+parties were pleased; but the pleasure of the one was far more durable
+than that of the other. Nick Muggins enjoyed but a negative delight in
+having escaped an imminent and threatening peril. But afterwards he
+began to reflect; for he could think, seeing that he had nothing else
+to do.
+
+It is worth notice, that many apparently stupid, ignorant and obtuse
+cubs, whose employment is monotonous and mechanical, possess a certain
+degree of shrewdness, and exhibit occasionally symptoms of reflection
+and observation to which more cultivated and educated minds are
+strangers. Curious it is also to see the gaping wonderment with which
+those, whose wisdom is from books, regard those who happen to have any
+power or capacity of thought without the assistance of books. Gentle
+reader, when you are next requested to write some wise sentence in a
+lady's album, write the following: "books are more indebted to wisdom,
+than wisdom is to books."
+
+Nick, we have said, began to think; and the farther he was removed from
+Robert Darnley's cane with the less delight did he contemplate his
+escape. It came also into his mind that, although this young gentleman
+had withheld the threatened infliction, yet there were other troubles
+awaiting him, and other dangers threatening him. Drowning mariners, it
+has been said, seldom calculate upon the consequence of their vows. Nor
+did Muggins calculate upon the probable consequences of the confession
+which he had made to escape an impending castigation.
+
+He had escaped the cane of Robert Darnley, but he had thereby exposed
+himself to the danger of a similar visitation from the hand of Lord
+Spoonbill. There was also some probability, and no slight one, that he
+might in addition to other calamities suffer the loss of his place.
+People in office do not like to lose their places, for it makes them
+very ill-humoured and provokes them to all manner of absurdities. Nick
+also thought that if his place should be taken from him in consequence
+of this his unfaithfulness, Lord Spoonbill would be also exposed, and
+Lord Spoonbill being exposed would be mightily angry with Nick, and,
+being angry with him, would not make him any remuneration for his loss.
+Moreover Nick thought that Lord Spoonbill would call him a fool for
+having divulged the secret, and Nick did not like to be called a fool.
+Who does? So, in order to avoid being called a fool, Nick meditated
+playing the rogue.
+
+We by no means approve of this conduct, and we record it not as an
+example, but as a caution; and we would seriously recommend all
+persons in public offices to be as honest as they possibly can; or if
+this political morality appears too rigid and savours of puritanical
+strictness, we would advise them to be as honest as they conveniently
+can.
+
+The scheme of roguery which the letter-carrier devised, was destined
+to be effected by means of epistolary correspondence with the Right
+Honorable Lord Spoonbill; but fortunately for the rogue, as even
+rogues are sometimes fortunate, the trouble of writing was saved him
+by the personal appearance of Lord Spoonbill himself at the town of
+M----, where Nick Muggins dwelt, and from which he carried the letters
+to Smatterton and Neverden. It was a great pleasure to Muggins to be
+saved the trouble of writing, for that operation was attended with much
+labour and difficulty to him, seeing that he had many doubts as to the
+shapes of letters and the meaning of words.
+
+Muggins had not been at home many minutes before Lord Spoonbill
+presented himself to the astonished eyes of the unfaithful
+letter-carrier. His lordship was wonderfully condescending to honor so
+humble a roof by his presence; but it was not the first time that he
+had paid a visit to Mr Muggins in his own house. The object, or more
+properly speaking the nature of the object, of his visit was guessed
+at, and the spirit of Nick's knavery was kindled within him, and he was
+prepared to say or do aught that his lordship might dictate or propose,
+for the purpose of furthering the hereditary legislator's right
+honorable pursuit.
+
+Nick's residence is not indeed a matter of much importance to the
+world, nor does its locality or aspect bear powerfully on the
+development of our catastrophe, or greatly assist the progress of our
+narrative. But we describe it, because we may thereby give our readers
+a more complete and impressive idea of the great condescension of Lord
+Spoonbill in visiting so obscure an abode.
+
+The town of M---- was situated on the banks of a river. The streets
+were long and narrow, and the houses high and dingy. The ground on
+which the town was built was uneven, and the materials with which it
+was paved were execrable. This is spoken of the best parts of the town,
+of those streets which stood on the higher ground. The inferior part
+was not paved at all, and was approachable only by an almost abrupt
+descent through a lane or narrow street, in which the houses nearly met
+at the top. The ground on which a passenger must walk was of a nature
+so miscellaneous as almost to defy description, and quite to puzzle
+analysis. Black mud, as everlasting as the perennial snows which rest
+on the summits of inaccessible mountains, decayed vegetables of every
+season of the year, refuse fish, unpicked bones of every conceivable
+variety of animals, deceased cats and dogs and rats in every possible
+degree of decomposition, broken bricks and tiles, and shreds of earthen
+vessels of all variety of domestic application, sticks, stones, old
+shoes, tin kettles and superannuated old saucepans, formed the dead
+stock of the street. And the live stock was by no means calculated to
+give to the spectator a high idea of the dignity of human nature. The
+fair sex in these regions appeared by no means to any great advantage;
+nature had done little for them and art less. In their voices there
+was less melody than loudness, and in their language more energy than
+elegance. They expressed their feelings without circumlocution, and
+resented indignities with hand as well as tongue. In the air which they
+breathed there might be enough to discompose and irritate, for the
+decomposition of sprats is by no means fragrant; and when an atmosphere
+is constantly burdened with the effluvia of soap, tallow, and train
+oil, it is not calculated to soothe the irritated nerves.
+
+To pass through such a region as this could not have been mightily
+agreeable to the refined senses of Lord Spoonbill. But not only did he
+pass through it, but he sought out in one of its meanest habitations
+the carrier of the Smatterton and Neverden letter-bags. All this
+however he did patiently undergo for love of Penelope Primrose.
+
+"Muggins," said his lordship, "have you left a letter at Neverden
+within this day or two for Mr Darnley?"
+
+"Yes, my lord," replied the carrier.
+
+"And did you see Mr Darnley when you delivered the letter?"
+
+"Oh, yes, my lord, I see Mr Robert himself. And please, my lord, I am
+almost afraid that you and I will be found out."
+
+"Found out, you rascal! what do you mean?"
+
+"Why, I means, my lord, please your lordship, that one of them letters
+as I give your lordship is been picked up, and Mr Robert Darnley showed
+it to me and axed whether I knowed nothing about it. And he said he'd
+kill me if I did not tell him, and so I told him that I didn't know
+nothing where it come from. And so, my lord, I'm quite afeard to go
+again to Neverden, only I don't know what to do just to get a bit of
+bread."
+
+At this information the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill was perplexed.
+
+"Why, Muggins, if that is the case," said his lordship, "you had
+better get away."
+
+"Yes, my lord, but what will become of me if I give up my place?"
+
+"Oh, leave that to me!" said his lordship, "and I will take care you
+shall be no loser."
+
+This was the point to which the crafty one wished to bring his right
+honorable friend. Suffice it then to say that Lord Spoonbill, fancying
+that he should place discovery out of the reach of probability, made
+the rogue a very handsome present, and gave him letters whereby he
+might find employment in London, which would more than compensate for
+the loss of his place in the country.
+
+Then did Lord Spoonbill under cover of night's darkness find his way
+to Smatterton castle, pleasing himself with the thought that his
+well-formed scheme was now likely to take effect, and that Mr Robert
+Darnley, after the warning of the anonymous letter, would not be very
+hasty to renew his acquaintance with Miss Primrose. It was of course
+supposed by our readers, and intended to be so supposed, that the
+anonymous letter above alluded to was sent, if not by Lord Spoonbill
+himself, at least by his instigation, and for the purpose of forwarding
+his designs. And, that the merit of the communication may not be
+ascribed to a wrong personage, it is right to inform the world that the
+writer of the same letter was Colonel Crop. By this gallant officer
+Lord Spoonbill was now accompanied to Smatterton castle.
+
+Colonel Crop was an excellent travelling companion, for he never
+disturbed the train of his fellow-traveller's thoughts by any
+impertinent prating. The dexterous economy which the colonel exercised
+over his words and actions was quite surprising. He could make a little
+go a great way. If for instance any friend, and many such there were,
+invited the gallant colonel to dinner, it would seem that thereby an
+occupation were afforded him for an hour or two previously for the
+purpose of dressing. But the ingenious time-consumer managed to make
+a whole morning's work of it. Equally economical was he of words. For
+if his Right Honorable friend Lord Spoonbill should talk to him for a
+whole hour together, the colonel would think it quite sufficient to
+reply to the long harangue by simply saying: "'Pon honor! you
+don't say so."
+
+With this lively companion did Lord Spoonbill journey towards
+Smatterton; and as his lordship wished to be left to his own thoughts,
+his friend was not unwilling to indulge him; and thus did the
+hereditary legislator enjoy the pleasure of silently congratulating
+himself on the dexterity with which he had managed this affair; and
+more especially was he delighted at the fortunate circumstance of
+having removed Nick Muggins far away from the danger of being tempted
+or terrified into confession of his unfaithfulness.
+
+It did not enter, nor was it likely to enter into the mind of Lord
+Spoonbill, that Nick Muggins had already impeached, and that Robert
+Darnley was in possession of all the facts of the case. There was
+something else also in the transactions of that day unknown to and
+unsuspected by his lordship. That other matter to which we here allude,
+was the visit which Robert Darnley had paid to Mr and Miss Primrose.
+
+At the close of the preceding chapter we related that Mr Darnley
+and the letter-carrier parted after their interview, and we have
+accompanied Nick back to his home, and have narrated what took place
+there. We may now therefore return to Robert Darnley, and accompany him
+also in his visit to Smatterton.
+
+After he had ascertained from Muggins the truth of the matter
+concerning the suppressed letter, he no longer heeded the anonymous
+communication which he had received; and instead of passing through the
+park as he had designed, he proceeded immediately to the rectory.
+
+He was most happy in the thought that now all doubts and perplexities
+were removed from his mind, and he was much better able and far more
+willing to believe that Penelope still remained pure, honorable, and
+affectionate, than to give credence to the foul calumnies which had
+been circulated concerning her. There are individuals in the world
+of whom it is, ordinarily speaking, almost impossible to think ill.
+Such was the character of Penelope Primrose to those well acquainted
+with her. But the elder Mr Darnley being a mightily pompous and grand
+sort of man, looked at almost every one from an awful distance.
+Discrimination of character was by no means his forte. He thought that
+the whole mass of mankind was divisible into two classes, the good
+and the bad. He considered that the good must do as he did, and think
+as he thought; and that the bad were those that opposed him. It was
+his notion that it required only a simple volition for the good to
+become bad and for the bad to become good. And when he heard that Miss
+Primrose had transgressed, he forthwith believed the tale and renounced
+her.
+
+But to say nothing of the affection which the younger Darnley
+entertained for the lady, and the pleasing hopes with which for so
+long a period he had been accustomed to think of her, he could not
+think it possible for a mind like hers ever to descend to the meanness
+with which she had been charged. He did think it possible that,
+in consequence of a supposed neglect on his part, and by means of
+ingenious assiduities on the part of another, that her regards might
+be transferred from him; but even that he would not believe without
+positive evidence. Many a faithful heart had been broken, and many an
+honest man has been hanged, by circumstantial evidence.
+
+The meeting of the lovers was silent. They might have been previously
+studying speeches; but these were forgotten on both sides. And in
+their silence their looks explained to each other how much they had
+respectively suffered from the villany of him who had interrupted their
+correspondence. After a long and silent embrace, and gazing again and
+again at those features which he had so loved to think of at a mighty
+distance, Darnley at length was able to speak, and he said: "And you
+have not forgotten me!" How cold these words do look on paper. But from
+the living lips which spoke them, and from the energetic tenderness
+with which they were uttered, and from the thought of that mental
+suffering and that withering of heart which had been occasioned by
+the fear of forgetfulness, and above all from the circumstance that
+these were the first words which Penelope had heard from those lips
+for so long, so very long a period, they came to her ear and heart
+with a thrilling power, and awakened her from her silent trance to the
+expression of that feeling which had almost subdued her.
+
+"Forget!" she was attempting to echo her lover's words, but
+emotion was too strong for the utterance of words, and she finished her
+answer by falling on his neck and weeping audibly.
+
+Might it not have done Lord Spoonbill good to have witnessed this
+scene? Surely it might have taught him how little prospect there was of
+the success of his designs; and he might, had he possessed the ordinary
+feelings of humanity, have thought that the coronet must be brilliant
+indeed which could tempt Penelope to renounce her lover.
+
+But Lord Spoonbill saw it not, and suspected it not; if he had, it
+certainly would have saved him a great deal of trouble.
+
+The lovers, when they did recover themselves sufficiently to speak
+composedly and collectedly, had volumes of talk for each other, and
+Darnley was interested and moved by the narrative of Penelope's
+excursion to London, and the narrow escape which she had from a
+profession so ill adapted to the character and complexion of her mind.
+But in all the conversation Darnley did not mention to Penelope the
+anonymous letter which he had that morning received, nor did he say
+a word concerning the confession of the letter-carrier. As to the
+anonymous letter, he would not insult her even by alluding to the
+existence of evil reports; and as to the suppressed letters, he feared
+lest the impetuosity of the young lady's father might be productive of
+mischief. He thought it at all events most desirable, at least so long
+as they might remain in the neighbourhood of Smatterton castle, to let
+Penelope suppose that the loss of the letters was accidental.
+
+There may be some persons who think that under present circumstances it
+was the duty of Robert Darnley to send Lord Spoonbill a challenge, or
+to bestow upon his lordship that chastisement with which Nick Muggins
+had been threatened. That Lord Spoonbill deserved a bodily castigation,
+we will readily concede; but as to duelling, we conceive it to be a
+very silly and useless practice, and we are not sorry that we are
+not compelled to relate of the younger Darnley that his inclination
+prompted him to adopt that very equivocal mode of demonstrating himself
+to be a gentleman, or man of courage.
+
+Very pleasantly passed the two or three hours which Robert Darnley
+allowed himself to spend at Smatterton parsonage; very awkwardly passed
+the dinner hour on his return to Neverden parsonage; for the Rev. Mr
+Darnley would not speak to his son, and poor Mrs Darnley and the young
+ladies were afraid to speak when the rector was silent.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+
+At a late hour in the evening Lord Spoonbill, accompanied by his worthy
+friend Colonel Crop, arrived at Smatterton castle. The domestics were
+instructed not to make the arrival public, for his lordship was not
+desirous of being interrupted by any invasions of callers. His object
+professed to be the making some arrangements, and laying down some
+plans for alterations and improvements.
+
+Colonel Crop was an excellent counsellor. He was one of those admirable
+advisers, whose suggestions are always taken, and whose advice is
+always welcome, for he never gave any advice except that which was
+dictated to him by the person whose counsellor he was. He would have
+made an excellent prime minister for any sovereign who might not like
+to be contradicted. His reverence for lords was very great, and far
+greater of course would have been his reverence for kings. He would no
+more think of reasoning with or contradicting a lord, than a common
+soldier would think of refusing to march or halt at the word of his
+commander.
+
+Now when this worthy couple had finished a late dinner, and Colonel
+Crop had assented to and echoed all that Lord Spoonbill had been
+pleased to affirm as touching the excellence or the reverse of the
+various meats and drinks composing their dinner, the hereditary
+legislator began the work of consultation.
+
+"Well, Crop, it is a good thing that I have sent that rascally
+letter-carrier away."
+
+"Very," replied the colonel.
+
+"It would have been quite shocking if he had been terrified or bribed
+out of his secret."
+
+"Quite," replied the colonel.
+
+"Now I have been thinking," continued his lordship, "that you may
+be of great service to me in this affair."
+
+"You may command me," replied the colonel.
+
+That was true enough, and so might any one who would feed him. Young
+men of weak minds and vicious habits are very much to be pitied when
+they have such friends and companions as Colonel Crop.
+
+"You know Miss Primrose by sight, colonel?" said his lordship.
+
+"Can't say I do," replied the colonel; "I have seen her once, but I
+took very little notice."
+
+"I must introduce you then. Now you remember the trouble I had with the
+old ones about this affair, and you know that I was fool enough, as I
+told you, to go so far as actually to make Miss Primrose an offer of
+marriage."
+
+The colonel gave his assent to this proposition also; for he seemed
+to think it an act of rudeness to contradict a lord, even when he
+called himself a fool. And so perhaps it really is; for a lord ought
+to know whether he is a fool or not, and he would not say it if he did
+not believe it; and there is also a degree of wisdom in the discovery
+that one has been a fool, for thereby it is intimated that the season
+of folly is over. Whosoever therefore actually says that he was a fool
+formerly, virtually says that he is not a fool now. So no doubt did
+the colonel interpret the assertion of Lord Spoonbill, and with this
+interpretation he said, "Exactly so."
+
+"But I think now," proceeded his lordship, "I may have the young lady
+on my own terms. But the difficulty is how to manage the business
+without alarming her, and perhaps bringing down some deadly vengeance
+from that father of her's, for he is as fierce as a tiger."
+
+That which is a difficulty to an hereditary legislator and heir to
+a title and large estate, must of course be a difficulty also to a
+half-pay colonel, who loves to depend upon occasional dinners, and,
+like a hospital, to be supported by voluntary contributions. Therefore
+the colonel said:
+
+"Ay, that is the difficulty."
+
+"If by any means we could contrive to get the father out of the way,
+we might perhaps get rid of some obstacle. Crop, can you hit upon any
+scheme to separate them?"
+
+"Can't, 'pon honor," replied the colonel, who probably thought that
+it was not becoming in him to be more ingenious than his feeder. The
+colonel indeed was willing to do whatever he might be bid, to say
+whatever might be put into his mouth, to write whatever might be
+dictated to him, and to go wherever he might be sent. But he was by no
+means a self-acting machine. He would do anything for any body, but he
+required to be told explicitly what to do.
+
+After a pause of some minutes, Lord Spoonbill observed; "Perhaps some
+use might be made of the stoppage of Mr Primrose's banker. I forget
+the name; have you any recollection of it?"
+
+"Can't say I have, 'pon honor;" replied the colonel.
+
+To proceed much farther in narrating this lively dialogue which took
+place between the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill and Colonel Crop, as
+to the most likely means of forwarding the designs which his lordship
+meditated against Miss Primrose, would contribute more to the reader's
+weariness than to his amusement or edification. It will be enough
+in the present state of affairs to say, that this notable colloquy
+terminated in the determination on the part of his lordship to take no
+immediate steps in the affair till he had ascertained what effect the
+anonymous letter had produced upon Robert Darnley. For this purpose,
+Colonel Crop might render himself useful. Instructions were therefore
+given him accordingly, and he was ordered to ride over to Neverden
+Hall, where he might be most likely to gain some information.
+
+Early therefore, on the following morning, the gallant colonel found
+his way to the mansion of the worthy baronet and able magistrate, Sir
+George Aimwell. The unpaid one was mightily well pleased at the visit,
+and he shook the hand of the half-paid one till his fingers ached.
+
+"Well, Colonel, I am glad to see you. So you are tired of the gaieties
+of London already, and you are coming to relieve our dullness in the
+country. How are our noble neighbours?"
+
+"Quite well, I thank you," replied the colonel, who felt himself one
+of great importance in being able to speak so readily and assuredly
+concerning nobility.
+
+And here we will take the opportunity, and a very fit one it is, of
+observing on a very curious fact, namely, that the reverence for
+nobility and high rank is not felt so acutely and powerfully by simple
+and unmixed plebeians, as it is by those who have some remote affinity
+to nobility, or who fancy themselves to be a shadow or two of a caste
+above the mere plebeian. Colonel Crop was not of noble family, but he
+was the last of a mighty puissant race of insignificant attenuated
+gentry in a country town; and as nobility was a scarce article in the
+neighbourhood where he was born and brought up, he was mightily proud
+of his intimacy with the noble family of the Spoonbills. But to proceed.
+
+"Now, colonel, as you are here," said the worthy baronet, "I hope you
+will stay and spend the day with me."
+
+We are always popping in our remarks upon everything that is done and
+said; and here again we cannot help remarking that Sir George Aimwell
+might have had the grace to say "with us," as well as "with me;"
+but he thought so much of his own magisterial self, that he had no
+consideration of any one else.
+
+To the invitation thus given the gallant colonel scarcely knew what
+to say, for his commission, though very definite as to purpose, was
+not definite as to time. Now the colonel, though a man of family, was
+somewhat obtuse, and by some people would have been called stupid; and
+he scarcely knew whether or not he should communicate to the amiable
+magistrate at Neverden Hall, the fact of Lord Spoonbill's incognito
+presence at Smatterton castle. And as it was not possible for him to
+send back to the castle for further orders, he thought that the most
+prudent step that he could take would be to leave the matter of dining
+undecided, and go back in person to Smatterton for full directions.
+
+He gave therefore an undecided answer to the baronet's invitation,
+saying that he had some "little matters" to attend to at Smatterton,
+and that, if he possibly could return to Neverden in the evening, he
+should be most happy to take his dinner with the worthy baronet.
+
+Back therefore to Smatterton trotted the convenient colonel, in order
+to report progress and ask leave to sit at the baronet's table. Now we
+"guess" that some of our readers are sneering most contemptuously at
+this convenient colonel, and admiring the placid facility with which
+he is moved about from place to place at the nod of an hereditary
+legislator, and obeying all the commands of a tadpole senator. Yet why
+should any one think that he is unworthily or degradingly employed.
+Only let us imagine for a moment that the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill is a most gracious, or a most Christian majesty, and that
+his negociations are for precisely the same purpose as they are at
+present; or that from negociations of this nature there may have arisen
+between two mighty and puissant nations a just and necessary war--such
+things have been--then would the said Colonel Crop, in his capacity of
+negociator, be regarded with profound admiration by all his majesty's
+most faithful and loyal subjects; and morning and evening papers
+would be proud of putting forth second editions to immortalize his
+diplomatic movements. But, as it is, ours is the only record of these
+matters.
+
+When Colonel Crop therefore returned to Smatterton castle, and informed
+his right honorable employer of what had passed at Neverden, Lord
+Spoonbill thought, though he did not say, that Colonel Crop was a great
+booby.
+
+"Why, colonel," said his lordship, "by all means go back and take
+your dinner with Sir George; you may find out something about Darnley; I
+am in no hurry for your return, only let me know all that you can
+collect concerning this young lady; and above all endeavour to find
+out whether Mr Robert Darnley is spoken of as her future husband, or
+whether the acquaintance between them is broken off. That is all I wish
+to ascertain at present. I shall then know how to act. For don't you
+see that, if Darnley keeps at a distance in consequence of the present
+reports, I am more likely to have her on my own terms. There is no
+heart so easy to win as that of a disappointed lover."
+
+With his instructions back went the colonel to Neverden. And as we have
+not the opportunity of giving verbal or senatorial advice to mighty
+and puissant princes, we will here do all we can for the good of our
+country, and of all countries into the language of which this history
+may be translated, by advising and most earnestly recommending that
+blockheads, however valorous or gallant, like our friend Colonel Crop,
+be not employed in diplomatic offices. There is a very great difference
+between the vigorous arm that can break a man's head, and the ingenious
+dexterity which can bend a man's heart. And, generally speaking, those
+people can have but little regard for brains, whose business it is to
+knock them out.
+
+For want of a dexterous diplomatist, Lord Spoonbill, as we shall see
+hereafter, was exposed to great inconvenience, and suffered mighty and
+serious disappointment.
+
+Colonel Crop was not sorry that leave was granted him to dine at Sir
+George Aimwell's. For the baronet had an excellent cook, and the cook
+had an excellent place, and few are the instances in which there exists
+so good an understanding between master and servant, as in the present
+case there did between the worthy magistrate and his as worthy cook.
+
+Whether Colonel Crop did or did not possess the organ of hope strongly
+developed in his skull, we cannot tell, for the gallant colonel has not
+yet been hanged; if he had, we might have found any organs we pleased;
+but we may suppose that he had the organ of anticipativeness, for his
+thoughts dwelt so seriously and intently upon the good dinner that he
+was likely to enjoy at Sir George Aimwell's table, that he did actually
+and truly forget a great part of his errand. Oh, how selfish is mortal
+man!
+
+The colonel, however, with all his propensity to oblivion, had
+sufficient memory to recollect that his business was to ascertain
+whether Mr Darnley, son of the rector of Neverden, still continued his
+acquaintance with a young lady or not. At the table of Sir George
+Aimwell there was introduced a young lady, Miss Glossop. The name of
+Glossop bears no very marked affinity to that of Primrose, but by some
+strange fatality or fatuity, the gallant colonel confounded them. The
+young lady, by a certain dashing style of behaviour, passed off with
+the colonel as a remarkably fine young woman; and when Sir George
+Aimwell spoke banteringly to her concerning Robert Darnley, then the
+gallant negociator was sure that this was the lady in question.
+
+There was a still farther corroboration in the circumstance that this
+lady was gifted with remarkable vocal powers. The colonel was no great
+judge of music, but he could see that she played very rapidly, and he
+could hear that she sung very loud; and therefore he entertained the
+same notion of her musical talents which she herself did.
+
+The musical exhibition took place after tea. Lady Aimwell cared little
+about music or anything else, and in the presence of her husband's
+visitors she generally shewed her dignity by looking sulky. But Colonel
+Crop was so vastly polite, that her ladyship was generally more civil
+and courteous to him than to any other guests who were attracted to
+Neverden Hall by the fame of the baronet's cook.
+
+And while Miss Glossop was amusing herself with melodious
+vociferations, and singing and playing so loud that the poor magistrate
+could hardly keep his eyes shut, Colonel Crop and Lady Aimwell were
+engaged in a whispering or muttering conversation, all about nothing
+at all. They both agreed that it was remarkable weather, neither of
+them had remembered it so mild for many years. Lady Aimwell was very
+well pleased to hear Colonel Crop's common-place nothings which he had
+brought from London, and her ladyship related all that had taken place
+at Neverden since the colonel was there last.
+
+Her ladyship was not especially partial to Miss Glossop. There was some
+little jealousy in the heart of Lady Aimwell that this stranger, as it
+were, should occupy so much of the baronet's attention. Disagreeable
+people are generally the most jealous. Her ladyship noticed the music.
+
+"I wonder," muttered the fretful one to Colonel Crop, "that Sir
+George can bear to hear such a constant noise. I am sure he knows
+nothing of music. There is a great deal of talk about her fine voice and
+her rapid execution; her voice sounds to my ear very much like the voice
+of a peacock."
+
+Saying this her ladyship smiled, because it was almost witty, and the
+colonel also smiled, for he too thought it was witty.
+
+"But I beg your pardon, colonel," said her ladyship; "perhaps you may
+be partial to music?"
+
+"By no means," replied the colonel, "and I was not aware that Sir
+George was partial to it. Our friends at the castle are very musical."
+
+It was pleasant for the colonel to be able to talk about our friends
+at the castle; but Lady Aimwell, though not very ambitious of publicity
+in the gay world, was rather jealous of the Smatterton great ones, and
+thought herself treated with too much haughtiness and distance by the
+Earl and Countess.
+
+"I wish that all that noise and affectation were at the castle, instead
+of tormenting me."
+
+Thus spoke Lady Aimwell. Now, thought Colonel Crop, there was a fine
+opportunity for introducing his diplomacy; and for that purpose the
+gallant negociator said, in a very knowing accent:
+
+"But I think I have heard that this young lady is likely to give her
+hand to a Mr ---- Mr ---- bless me, I forget names."
+
+"Do you mean Mr Darnley," said her ladyship, "the son of our
+rector?"
+
+"Yes, yes," replied the colonel, "I believe that is the name;
+Darnley, Darnley, ay, ay, that is the name. This lady is going to be
+married to Mr Darnley, I have heard."
+
+"Oh no!" replied her ladyship, "I don't believe it. I can hardly
+think it probable. Indeed--but I hope it will go no further"--
+
+Here her ladyship spoke in a still lower key and more subdued tone, and
+the gallant colonel listened with profound attention, and with great
+delight did he hear her ladyship thus speak:
+
+"There has, I believe, been some talk about such an affair, and Robert
+Darnley has met her here once or twice. But the truth is, he seems to
+know her character and disposition too well. And if there were any such
+thoughts on his part, I am sure he has given up all such idea by this
+time. Indeed, I do not think that there ever was much regard on either
+side."
+
+This was grand intelligence for the colonel. He felt himself mightily
+important. He soon ceased the conversation, and took his leave of the
+family at Neverden Hall, and he reported all that he had heard and seen
+according to the best of his ability.
+
+"Well, my lord, I have seen your Arabella."
+
+"Penelope, you mean;" interrupted his lordship.
+
+"Ay, ay, Penelope; bless me, how soon I forget names. So I have seen
+her and heard her."
+
+"She plays and sings delightfully," said Lord Spoonbill.
+
+"Wonderfully," replied the colonel, who was more than usually eloquent
+in consequence of the good success of his diplomacy: "to be sure I do
+not understand music, but I never saw so rapid an execution in my life."
+
+"But," interrupted his impatient lordship, "did you hear anything
+about that Darnley?"
+
+"Yes," replied the colonel, with mighty pomp and energy of manner.
+"Lady Aimwell told me, in confidence, that Darnley knew her character
+too well to think of marrying her. These were her ladyship's own
+words."
+
+"Now, Crop, you have done me a service indeed. Now I think the day is
+our own."
+
+When the good friends parted for the night, his delighted lordship was
+so occupied with his own sweet thoughts that he was quite intoxicated
+with joy. He would, had he been able, have sung a _Te Deum_; and it
+would be very well if _Te Deum_ had never been sung on occasions quite
+as unworthy as, if not infinitely more so than the present.
+
+
+END OF THE SECOND VOLUME.
+
+  LONDON:
+  PRINTED BY C. H. REYNELL, BROAD STREET, GOLDEN SQUARE.
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES:
+
+Inconsistent spelling has been retained, unless it's clearly a
+printer's error.
+
+This is a list of the corrections made:
+
+  Smattertno     => Smatterton
+  too verturn    => to overturn
+  gird           => girl
+  enoug          => enough
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Penelope: or, Love's Labour Lost, 
+Vol. 2 (of 3), by William Pitt Scargill
+
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+
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+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Penelope: or, Love's Labour Lost,  Vol. 2
+(of 3), by William Pitt Scargill
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Penelope: or, Love's Labour Lost,  Vol. 2 (of 3)
+
+Author: William Pitt Scargill
+
+Release Date: November 11, 2013 [EBook #44159]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PENELOPE: OR, LOVE'S LABOUR ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Heather Clark, Joke Van Dorst and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
+file was produced from images generously made available
+by The Internet Archive)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<div class="tnote covernote">
+  <p class="noind">The cover image was created by the transcriber and is placed in the public domain.</p>
+</div>
+
+<h1>PENELOPE:<br />
+
+<span class="x-small">OR,</span><br />
+
+LOVE&#8217;S LABOUR LOST.</h1>
+
+<p class="frontispiece p2">A NOVEL.</p>
+
+<p class="small frontispiece p2">IN THREE VOLUMES.</p>
+
+
+<p class="frontispiece p2 big">II.</p>
+
+<hr class="r5" />
+
+<p class="p6 frontispiece">
+LONDON:<br />
+<span class="small">PRINTED FOR HUNT AND CLARKE,</span><br />
+<span class="x-small">YORK STREET, COVENT GARDEN.</span><br />
+</p>
+<hr class="xsmall" />
+<p class="frontispiece">1828.</p>
+
+<p class="p6 frontispiece">
+LONDON:<br />
+<span class="small">PRINTED BY C. H. REYNELL, BROAD STREET, GOLDEN SQUARE.</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p class="p6 frontispiece big b2">PENELOPE:<br />
+<span class="small">OR,</span><br />
+LOVE&#8217;S LABOUR LOST.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<h2>Table of Contents</h2>
+
+
+<div class="center">
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="TOC">
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_I">Chapter I.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_II">Chapter II.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_III">Chapter III.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV">Chapter IV.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_V">Chapter V.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_VI">Chapter VI.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_VII">Chapter VII.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_VIII">Chapter VIII.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_IX">Chapter IX.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_X">Chapter X.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XI">Chapter XI.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XII">Chapter XII.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIII">Chapter XIII.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIV">Chapter XIV.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XV">Chapter XV.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVI">Chapter XVI.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVII">Chapter XVII.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIII">Chapter XVIII.</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIX">Chapter XIX.</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Lord Spoonbill</span> was not less disappointed than
+the Countess of Smatterton, to hear that Penelope
+was in daily expectation of seeing her father.
+Hereditary legislators are sometimes perplexed,
+and in the present case the son of the Earl of
+Smatterton was in a state of grievous doubt and
+agitation.</p>
+
+<p>His object in the first instance had been to
+take Penelope under his protection, and he supposed
+that if the correspondence between her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span>
+and Robert Darnley could be broken off, there
+would be very little difficulty in inducing her to
+comply with his proposals. For it was his intention
+to make a most liberal settlement and to
+place her in a very handsome establishment.
+Living as he had always in splendour, and
+enjoying the luxuries and ostentation of wealth,
+though accustomed to them from his birth, he
+thought, that to one educated in such humble
+obscurity as Penelope had been, these fascinations
+would be irresistible. During the short
+time that he had been under the same roof with
+her, he had seen and observed more of the
+character of her mind, and he felt that it was not
+personal beauty alone that she possessed, but
+that her disposition was kind and her temper
+beautiful; and therefore he loved her with a
+much purer regard than ever he had before
+entertained for any one of the sex. He loved her
+so much, in fact, that he absolutely regretted
+that her rank in life was not nearer to his own.</p>
+
+<p>It now also occurred to him, from what he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span>
+had heard in the autumn, that it was very
+probable that Robert Darnley might be in
+England, and that through the intervention of
+Mr Primrose some explanation might bring the
+parties together again, and thus his lordship&#8217;s
+hopes would be disappointed and his schemes
+frustrated. Then there came into his lordship&#8217;s
+mind the thought of the intercepted letters, and
+with that thought the fear that a discovery might
+be made as to the manner in which, and the
+person by whom, they had been intercepted.
+But that fear was transient, for his lordship
+confidently said to himself, &#8220;It is absolutely
+impossible that Nick Muggins should betray
+me.&#8221; What could his lordship be thinking
+about when he uttered this soliloquy? Did the
+Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill think that the
+principle of honor was stronger in the mind of
+Nick Muggins, the Smatterton post-boy, than it
+was in his own Right Honorable self? Wherein,
+did his lordship imagine, consisted the essential<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span>
+superiority of the high born above the sons of
+the peasantry? Did his lordship imagine that
+the only difference was in titles and soft white
+hands? It is not for us to know what lords
+may think, it is enough for us to gaze with
+wonderment on what they do.</p>
+
+<p>Present circumstances and present feelings
+compelled Lord Spoonbill to enter into serious
+deliberation with himself as to what step he
+should pursue. He could not for a moment
+admit the possibility of making an honorable
+offer of his hand to the young lady; such a
+proposal would have been the death of the Earl
+of Smatterton. That offer, which his lordship
+gravely called the other proposal, required a
+little more circumlocution and management; for
+his lordship was not quite so simple as not to be
+aware that, if making the first proposal was condescension
+on his part, accepting the latter would
+be condescension on the part of the lady. There
+was required for this purpose a tolerably strong<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span>
+attachment to his lordship, which might not yet
+exist in the lady&#8217;s mind. And though Lord
+Spoonbill was not by any means a man of great
+understanding or extraordinary penetration, yet
+in those matters in which he was most conversant
+he was not altogether unskilful. In pursuits
+of a similar nature to the present, his
+lordship was by no means inexpert; but, in the
+present instance, he knew that the person in
+question was gifted with mental powers superior
+to those which had belonged to his previous
+victims, and his own regard for her was somewhat
+more tender and respectful.</p>
+
+<p>These considerations on the one hand told his
+lordship that success would be endangered by
+precipitancy, while the fact that Mr Primrose, in
+the course of a day or two, would make his
+appearance, rendered it necessary that some
+immediate steps should be taken. It is a great
+pity that hereditary legislators, who are born to
+govern a nation, should in any case be incapable
+of legislating for themselves. Such a case now<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span>
+occurred. Lord Spoonbill thought of calling to
+his aid the counsel of a friend. For this purpose
+he forthwith ordered his horse for a morning
+ride; and, after an unmercifully rapid gallop of
+ten miles, he dismounted at the door of one of
+the prettiest little cottages within twenty miles
+of London.</p>
+
+<p>This cottage was almost secluded from the
+sight of the world, but was yet within reach of
+life&#8217;s gaieties and luxuries. Its secludedness
+was owing partly to the immensely thick plantations
+by which it was hidden from the road, and
+partly to the narrow and almost imperceptible
+lane which led to it. The external appearance
+of the plantation was rugged and uncultivated
+and neglected; and this appearance was, on
+the part of the owner and occupier of the place,
+cunningly intentional. He was a man who loved
+seclusion, but who loved the world; but the
+world which he loved was not the miscellaneous
+world of promiscuous humanity; it was only the
+world of select and superfastidious fashion, of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span>
+graceful gaiety and refined voluptuousness. He
+loved society not as society, but as the means
+of more intense and effective sensual gratification.
+Our readers, we trust, will excuse and
+accompany us if we describe with very particular
+minuteness this very singular character. He
+belonged not to any class, or tribe, or general
+description of men; for if he had, a few words
+of outline would suffice to state the class to
+which he belonged, and imagination or observation
+might supply the rest. But he was a
+perfect unique.</p>
+
+<p>His personal appearance was striking, though
+not marked by any decided or obvious singularity.
+He was tall and well formed, finely
+proportioned and of graceful carriage. The top
+of his head was entirely and shiningly bald;
+his complexion was fair, and there was for the
+most part a look of good humour and easy gaiety
+in his countenance; but an attentive observer
+might occasionally perceive a transient cloudiness
+that looked like disappointment, and there<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span>
+were also visible traces of slight asperity and
+symptoms of sneer and contemptuousness. In
+his dress he was fastidiously accurate and expensively
+splendid. He regarded fashion no farther
+than as it gave him an opportunity of exhibiting
+himself to the greatest possible advantage.</p>
+
+<p>Of the qualities of his mind it is difficult to
+speak intelligibly. He was intellectual, though
+sensual; his reading was remarkably limited,
+and his knowledge as remarkably extensive. He
+had received the rudiments of his education at
+Westminster, and had finished his studies at
+Cambridge, at which place he had become acquainted
+with Lord Spoonbill. But, notwithstanding
+all the opportunities which had been
+afforded him, he had not made what is called
+progress in literature. He was perfect in no
+species of knowledge or science which is derivable
+from books. He had learned Greek, Latin,
+French, Italian and German, but he was familiar
+with none of them. He had slightly attended
+to the exact sciences, but he had forgotten of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span>
+them everything but their existence. He had
+read ancient and modern history; his recollection
+of them was little, but clear, and when he had
+any occasion to speak of any of their facts or their
+philosophies, he generally spoke with accuracy,
+and thereby acquired a reputation, which he had
+no wish or ambition to acquire, of being a well
+read man. Few people speak Greek or Latin,
+and therefore our gentleman, not being examined,
+passed for a scholar. Everybody who pretends
+to any degree of refinement or fashion, interslops
+his own native language with an ungrammatical
+nasal blattering, called quoting French; and our
+gentleman had picked up enough of that affected
+trumpery to pass well in the society which he
+occasionally frequented. With how small a
+portion of real literature and actual knowledge
+a man may pass muster in society, is only known
+to those who love the reputation of scholarship
+better than its toils.</p>
+
+<p>The gentleman of whom we are speaking was
+too politic to trouble himself about politics. His<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span>
+politics, if the theory of such an indolent one
+may be called by that name, were Ascendancy
+politics. Those are the best subjects who never
+trouble their heads about politics: if we were
+king we should always encourage and patronize
+such people. The tame negroes in the West
+India islands do not trouble their heads about
+politics, nor do the subjects of the Emperor of
+Morocco, or the King of Persia, for if they did,
+their heads would soon cease to trouble them.
+The people of the United States do trouble their
+heads, but the time may come when there may
+be in that part of the world a great multitude
+who will not trouble their heads about politics;
+it will then be a much pleasanter thing to be
+king of America than it would now. But while
+we say that our gentleman was indifferent to
+politics, and therefore a good subject, we by no
+means wish it to be understood that he was a
+Tory, for Tories do trouble their heads about
+politics, and trouble other people&#8217;s heads too.</p>
+
+<p>This person eschewed partisanship, because it<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span>
+would give him trouble to belong to a party.
+His principle was to possess and enjoy animally
+every luxury within his reach; but at the same
+time to avoid those excesses which are palpably
+and obviously ruinous to the constitution. He
+had made the experiment for very few years, but
+he began to find thus early that the experiment
+was not likely to succeed. For want of exertion
+and activity the keenness of his relish had
+already begun to abate; and by carefully extracting
+the bitter ingredients from life&#8217;s cup and
+casting them away, he found that its sweets
+were sickening and saturating. Whatever was
+annoying to mind or body, he endeavoured, and
+in most cases successfully, to avoid. But there
+was gradually and surely coming upon him the
+bitterest of all annoyances; that kind of mental
+suffering which is only describable in the language
+of paradox, and which we will set down
+for the purpose of giving the purblind puppies
+of criticism something to yelp at. He was then
+beginning to feel the bitterness of sweetness, the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span>
+darkness of light, the discord of harmony, the
+solitude of society, the weariness of rest, the
+deformity of beauty; but he knew not how
+and from whence this annoyance was coming
+upon him. He had felt that sensibility was
+painful, and he had suppressed or neutralized it;
+he avoided the sight or thought of suffering, for
+he felt that sympathy with pain was painful.
+He had not exercised the powers of his mind, lest
+that exercise should interfere with that system of
+luxurious enjoyment which he had adopted.
+He had despised and derided the moral feeling,
+and had studiously guarded himself against all
+reproofs which conscience might administer to
+him. But with all this care he experienced
+feelings far more oppressive than those against
+which he guarded.</p>
+
+<p>Now the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill was
+also a man of no mental exertion, but he was
+a man of no mental power; he also was sensual,
+but his was not a deliberate and studied sensuality,
+it was purely animal and instinctive.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span>
+He was an Epicurean, but not an Epicurean
+philosopher. At Cambridge he had been acquainted
+with this Mr Erpingham, and he had
+admired the dextrous sophistry by which this
+gentleman had proved the worse to be the better
+cause. Mr Erpingham had also been proud of
+the acquaintance with nobility, though Lord
+Spoonbill was a younger man than he. And
+they had become the confidents and companions
+of each others profligacies.</p>
+
+<p>In a difficulty therefore of that kind to which
+we have above alluded, it is not to be wondered
+at that his lordship should enter into consultation,
+or at least into conversation, concerning
+the subject with his good friend Erpingham.</p>
+
+<p>We would not, however, have our readers
+imagine that Lord Spoonbill was quite such a
+ninny as to make it the subject of deliberate
+consultation and express enquiry, to learn what
+he ought to do on the present occasion; he
+merely meant to make a call upon his friend,
+and he was prompted to make that call by the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span>
+circumstances in which he was then placed with
+regard to Penelope Primrose. His object was
+to talk the matter over, and he certainly could
+not have selected a properer person to take part
+in such conversation.</p>
+
+<p>The two friends had not met for some time; the
+interview was agreeable therefore to both parties;
+for they had a great mutual respect for each other:
+Lord Spoonbill admired Mr Erpingham&#8217;s talents,
+and Mr Erpingham had a high respect for Lord
+Spoonbill&#8217;s title and high connexions.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Lord Spoonbill</span> was ushered into an apartment,
+the air of which was warm and fragrant:
+the warmth came from Newcastle, and the
+fragrancy from Bond street. At first entering
+the room his lordship saw not any one to whom
+his name could have been announced. The
+servant who had opened the door for him closed
+it immediately behind him, and he seemed to
+be in an empty apartment. By an instinct
+natural to an Englishman he advanced towards
+the fire-place, and there he presently saw on a
+sofa, the back of which was towards the door,
+his friend Erpingham reclining at full length,
+and having before him an open volume placed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span>
+on a low table, which had been constructed and
+adapted for reading on a sofa. This was what
+Erpingham called &#8220;reading made easy.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>His lordship expressed by his looks some surprise
+that his friend should not rise from the
+sofa, and said, &#8220;Erpingham! are you unwell?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ah! Spoonbill, is it you? Excuse my not
+rising to receive you; but the fact is, I have
+been trying for the last hour and a half to get
+into an easy position, and I have but just accomplished
+it, and if I move now I shall not be
+able to recover the position, and you know how
+wretched that sensation is. Well, how are the
+old materials?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This last question referred to the health of
+the Earl and Countess of Smatterton; and it
+was a phrase which Erpingham had learned
+from Lord Spoonbill himself.</p>
+
+<p>To this question Lord Spoonbill made the
+regular response, and continued,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span> &#8220;How is it,
+Erpingham, that I never have the pleasure of
+seeing you unless I ride over to you?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Can&#8217;t say,&#8221; was the careless reply: &#8220;but,&#8221;
+continued the Epicurean, &#8220;I am not partial to
+mixed company. Now your house in town is too
+multitudinous for me.&mdash;But my Clarissa tells
+me that the Countess of Smatterton is going
+to astonish the whole world by introducing a
+new first-rate voice.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>For explanation, it may be enough to inform
+the reader that Clarissa held the same place in
+Mr Erpingham&#8217;s establishment as Lord Spoonbill
+wished Penelope to hold in his. His lordship
+therefore was not sorry that the subject
+should be thus introduced, and he replied:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;Exactly so. But we have our doubts whether
+the lady will, under present circumstances,
+assent to the arrangement: for when she came
+to London, it was as an orphan, but now her
+father has returned from India after a long, and,
+I suppose, a profitable absence. Mr Primrose,
+the father, is now on his way from Smatterton,
+and he has said in his letter to his daughter,
+that he is about to place her in a home of his
+own. So I fear we shall lose this star.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Mr Erpingham did not lay anything very
+much to heart, and therefore he did not express
+any serious lamentation on this probable loss.
+He directed his remarks to other matters; and
+among other questions which he asked of Lord
+Spoonbill, alluding to the circumstances and
+events of his lordship&#8217;s life, he enquired: &#8220;And
+have you got rid of your dear little Ellen at last?
+You had a great deal of trouble with her, I think
+you told me some time ago.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill was quite as profligate as his
+elegant friend, but he had not so successfully
+and completely neutralized all his feelings.
+Though his profligacy therefore was coarser
+than that of Erpingham, and though his lordship
+was not over gifted with sensibility, yet
+he was not so entirely and systematically heartless.
+To this question concerning poor Ellen
+he shook his head, and said:</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, yes; I was sorry for the poor thing
+too: she was very much in love with me at
+one time, I really believe.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay,&#8221; replied Erpingham, &#8220;that was bad.
+It is quite annoying to have a woman in love
+with one. I could not endure it. I make
+it a rule never to encourage anything of the
+kind. You were too much addicted to sentimentality
+when you were at Cambridge. I suspect
+now that you are more than half in love
+with this Miss Primrose. Is she pretty and
+silly?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill frowned at the question, and
+did not answer it.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, well,&#8221; replied his friend, &#8220;I have no
+wish to be in your confidence. Pray don&#8217;t tell
+me any more of your secrets than you wish
+me to know. And if you are going to talk as
+much nonsense to me about Miss Primrose as
+you did two years ago about your &#8216;dear little
+Ellen,&#8217; I must beg to be excused. Positively,
+Spoonbill, I have grown quite nervous of late.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I think,&#8221; replied his lordship, &#8220;you have
+grown quite provoking. I have no intention of
+boring your ears with any sentimentality, as you
+are pleased to call it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This being uttered in a petulant tone, and
+Erpingham not liking to take the trouble of
+replying in the same tone, contented himself
+with indolently saying:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, well, don&#8217;t be angry. Say what you
+please. I will bear it very patiently.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill having but little time to
+spare, and being very desirous of unburthening
+his mind to his friend, suffered this kind of
+careless half-apology to extract from him the
+secret of his attachment to Penelope. Erpingham
+listened as attentively as he could to the
+story, and when it was finished he yawned out,
+&#8220;Ah! sure! But what assistance can I give
+you?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It was not very easy to answer that question.
+His lordship was more disposed indeed to ask
+questions than answer them, and therefore, in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span>stead
+of replying to the question of his friend,
+he said: &#8220;Now what would you advise me to
+do?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Make her an offer of a handsome establishment.
+I suppose she is violently in love
+with you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I cannot be quite sure of that,&#8221; replied his
+lordship; &#8220;but I believe I am not quite disagreeable
+to her.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;There is something in that,&#8221; replied Erpingham;
+&#8220;but not much. According to your account
+of this Miss Primrose, it should seem
+that she is of a good family, and perhaps the
+arrangement that you contemplate would not be
+acceded to.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That,&#8221; answered his lordship, &#8220;is what I
+most fear; and I will acknowledge to you that
+I am so far in love, that rather than lose her
+I would actually marry her.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Marry her,&#8221; exclaimed the Epicurean;
+&#8220;marry her! Impossible!&#8221; Saying this, Erpingham
+roused himself from his indolent loung<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span>ing
+posture, and with much greater energy than
+he was accustomed to use, he said: &#8220;Spoonbill,
+I am not much in the habit of either giving or
+taking advice, but I will for once so far advise
+you as to say, that if you contemplate marrying
+Miss Primrose, you must not on any account
+whatever make her any other offer.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why so?&#8221; replied his booby lordship, with
+a stare of awkward astonishment.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why so!&#8221; echoed his friend;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span> &#8220;because, if
+the young lady has a proper sense of her own
+dignity, she will not accept an offer of marriage
+from one who has made her an offer of another
+description; and if she has not that sense of
+dignity, but merely makes a profitable market
+of your passion for her, she will despise you for
+a fond fool, and you, when your fondness is
+over, will look upon her as a cunning, artful
+baggage. I know nothing about Miss Primrose;
+but I am very sure that no woman is fit to be
+a wife who could ever forgive a proposal of a
+different description.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The sagacious hereditary legislator could not
+understand this logic, and he stared at his friend
+as if he thought that he was crazy. &#8220;Bless
+my soul, Erpingham,&#8221; at length he said, &#8220;what
+nonsense you are talking. I really cannot understand
+you. What can be more natural and
+regular than to offer her marriage, if she will
+not accept me on any other terms. You talk
+about hating sentimentality; I am sure you
+are now talking as much sentimentality as any
+one need wish to hear.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Erpingham had exerted himself so much by
+the two last speeches which he had made, as
+not to wish to continue the discussion, or to
+undergo any more blundering interrogations from
+his noble friend; he therefore began to resume
+his indolent attitude, and said, &#8220;Well, do as
+you like best, Spoonbill, only remember I did
+not refuse my advice when you asked it. Will
+you stop now and take your dinner with me?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill was not any more disposed
+than his friend to carry on the discourse, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span>
+therefore declined the invitation to dine, and
+made the best of his way home again. As he
+rode homewards he attempted to think, but he
+found no small difficulty in that mental operation.
+There are some advertising schoolmasters who
+profess to teach their pupils to think; but as
+we were not educated in one of these thought-mongering
+seminaries, we cannot think how
+thinking can be taught. It may be possible,
+for the only impossibility in these days is to
+decide à priori that anything is impossible.
+But we do verily believe that, had Lord Spoonbill
+been at one of these establishments, he
+would have puzzled his preceptor as much as
+his preceptor would have puzzled him.</p>
+
+<p>By the time that his lordship had arrived at
+home he had come to the conclusion of his
+thinking, and the result was, that he thought
+Erpingham to be quite an altered man; and
+he also thought that he would not follow the
+ridiculous advice which his friend had given
+him.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Penelope made her appearance at dinner, and
+looked, as Lord Spoonbill said, most divinely.
+How Lord Spoonbill should know what divine
+looks are, we cannot tell: perhaps he meant
+that Penelope looked like a parson. However
+Penelope might look at dinner, it is very certain
+that Lord Spoonbill looked very much at Penelope.
+But the young lady&#8217;s thoughts were so
+pleasingly and agreeably engaged, and her anticipations
+were so delightful, that everybody
+and everything appeared agreeable to her. It
+was very different with the Countess of Smatterton.
+Her anticipations were not very pleasant:
+her ladyship apprehended that the return of
+Mr Primrose to England would be the destruction
+of her prospects, as far as they related to
+Miss Primrose. Having already observed that
+the young lady had manifested some reluctance
+to the public exhibition of her musical talents,
+the Countess very naturally supposed that Mr
+Primrose would indulge an only child in whatever
+fancy she might take up.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It was unfortunate also for the Countess, that
+she could not easily suppress her feelings of
+displeasure or dissatisfaction when any of her
+favourite fancies were disappointed. Having
+already so far committed herself among her rival
+prodigy-fanciers as to make a kind of preliminary
+exhibition of her newly discovered wonder,
+her ladyship felt that it would be very mortifying
+indeed to make her appearance in town
+without fulfilling the high promises which she
+had made, and gratifying the expectations which
+she had raised.</p>
+
+<p>It is mortifying to spend money for nothing;
+but it is infinitely more mortifying to be at the
+expense of a prodigious deal of condescension
+to answer at last no good or self-gratifying
+end. This was the loss and the mortification
+which the Countess of Smatterton now suffered,
+or at least anticipated. Instead therefore of
+the usual courteous manner which her ladyship
+had hitherto manifested towards the niece
+of the late rector of Smatterton, there was cold<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span>ness,
+haughtiness, and silence. The Earl of
+Smatterton had not so quick a perception as
+the Countess, and he had not anticipated any
+disappointment in the return of Penelope&#8217;s
+father to England. His lordship still continued
+to sport the condescensions, and he did
+not take any notice whatever of her ladyship&#8217;s
+fit of ill-humour. When stupid men are henpecked
+they often receive more pity than they
+need, for they are very frequently insensible
+to many of the ill-humours of their mates.</p>
+
+<p>Now, as the Countess was silent, an opportunity
+was offered for his lordship to talk.
+Happy would it be if all married people would
+talk only one at a time.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And so, Miss Primrose,&#8221; thus spake the
+Earl of Smatterton, &#8220;I find that you expect
+shortly to see your father. It is a long while,
+I think, since you have seen him?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is sixteen years, my lord,&#8221; answered
+Penelope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Sixteen years!&#8221; repeated his lordship:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> &#8220;you
+will hardly recollect him. The meeting, I dare
+say, will be very interesting. And may I ask,
+what time in the day you expect your father?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I fear it will be late in the day, my lord,
+for my father will not arrive in London till
+twelve or one o&#8217;clock. His letter tells me that
+he will call soon after that time at your lordship&#8217;s
+house in town, where he supposes I now
+am.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He will be disappointed at not finding you
+in town,&#8221; said Lord Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>There was much truth in this last remark of
+his lordship&#8217;s. The Earl was somewhat remarkable
+for the intense and unquestionable truth of
+many of his remarks. He was by no means
+given to what is called romancing. Indeed,
+so exquisitely and unquestionably true was this
+observation, that Penelope thought it needed
+not the corroboration of her assent, but that it
+must carry conviction to every mind. And so
+it did; and especially to the mind of the Countess,
+who immediately observed:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span> &#8220;Perhaps it
+may be agreeable to Miss Primrose to go to
+town early to-morrow morning for the purpose
+of meeting her father.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Her ladyship made this proposal because she
+had no desire to entertain Mr Primrose, and
+she thought that if Penelope was to be taken
+from her patronage at all, the sooner it was
+done the better. What prodigious lies patrons
+and patronesses do tell when they profess to
+have no other object in view than the welfare
+and happiness of those whom they patronise.
+The Countess of Smatterton had been pleasing
+herself with the thought that she should be
+the talk of the season, as producing and exhibiting
+such a prodigy as Miss Primrose; and
+her ladyship, who was very partial to thanks,
+had been enjoying the anticipation of Penelope&#8217;s
+overpowering gratitude for such distinguished
+and desirable patronage. But when all these
+pleasant and agreeable speculations seemed to
+burst like a bubble, then was her ladyship very
+angry and morose; and it was her wish to let<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span>
+Penelope know how deeply the disappointment
+was felt. There were no words however which
+her ladyship could use expressive of her feelings,
+and at the same time reproachful to Miss
+Primrose. It was not Penelope&#8217;s fault that her
+father, after an absence of sixteen years, was
+now returned to England; nor would it have
+been proper and just ground of rebuke that the
+young lady should be pleased at the thought of
+seeing her father again, and be ready to yield
+herself to his direction in preference to undergoing
+the precarious patronage of the great.</p>
+
+<p>Lady Smatterton was not the less ill-humoured
+because she had no just ground on which she
+might utter the language of expostulation and
+reproof to Penelope, but on the contrary her
+anger was greater: for had there been an opportunity
+of indulging in language of reproach,
+that very circumstance would have been a relief
+and consolation. It was not therefore with a
+very agreeable intonation nor with the accompaniment
+of the most gracious of all possible<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span>
+looks that her ladyship proposed that Penelope
+should go to town to meet her father. But the
+poor girl being happy in her own thoughts, and
+unconscious of anything done or said by her
+that could be offensive to the Countess, was
+quite unobservant of the harshness of her ladyship&#8217;s
+manner, and thought only of the substantial
+kindness of the proposal. To the suggestion
+of the Countess Penelope therefore
+replied with grateful and pleasurable vivacity:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Your ladyship is extremely kind; and, if
+it is not giving too much trouble, I should certainly
+be happy to take the earliest opportunity
+of meeting my father.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It will be giving no trouble,&#8221; hastily and
+sharply replied her ladyship; &#8220;there are coaches
+to town almost every hour. They will tell you
+in the housekeeper&#8217;s room what time the first
+coach goes.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Some high-spirited young ladies would have
+been mightily indignant at a reference from a
+nobleman&#8217;s table to the housekeeper&#8217;s room<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span>
+and stage-coaches. But Penelope was not so
+high-spirited; she was so completely occupied
+with the thought of an early meeting with her
+father, that nothing else was able to obtain possession
+of her mind.</p>
+
+<p>A momentary pause followed the last observation
+of the Countess; and then, in his own
+peculiarly majestic manner, the Earl of Smatterton
+said, &#8220;I am of opinion that it is not quite
+proper and suitable for a young lady to travel
+in a stage alone and unprotected.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>With exquisite, and as if premeditated,
+promptitude Lord Spoonbill replied, &#8220;Certainly
+not; but there will be no necessity for
+Miss Primrose going alone or in the stage-coach
+at all. I shall drive up to town tomorrow
+morning, and if the young lady will accept of
+a seat in my gig, I shall be most happy in her
+company.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Hereupon a general family frowning took
+place. The Countess frowned at the Earl, his
+lordship frowned at Lord Spoonbill, and Lord<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span>
+Spoonbill frowned at the Countess; and if Penelope
+had not been too polite she would have
+laughed at all three. Lord Spoonbill, however,
+in spite of frowns, determined to have his own
+way, and seeing that Penelope was desirous of
+going to town, insisted on accompanying her.</p>
+
+<p>The Countess was next puzzled how to part
+with Miss Primrose; whether as concluding that
+the young lady would not return to her and
+adopt the profession which had been recommended
+by her ladyship, or as admitting the
+probability that Mr Primrose would not object
+to the public employment of his daughter&#8217;s
+musical talents. For with all her ladyship&#8217;s
+alarm at the return of Mr Primrose to England,
+it had not yet appeared that his return would
+interfere with her ladyship&#8217;s schemes. The probability
+however was, that when there was no
+pecuniary necessity for the exercise of these
+talents, they would not be cultivated for public
+display.</p>
+
+<p>Before the Countess parted from Penelope for<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span>
+the night, her ladyship said, &#8220;Miss Primrose,
+as I presume that your father may not object
+to the profession which I have chosen for you,
+may I ask when it will be convenient for you
+to take lessons previous to your public appearance:
+for it is now time to think of that matter?
+Of course you know that I have engaged a preceptor
+for you?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The Countess of <ins title="original: Smattertno">Smatterton</ins> had more fears
+than hopes on the subject, and as for Penelope
+herself, she had taken it for granted that the
+return of her father would of course release her
+from dependence on strangers, and consequently
+render all professional employment unnecessary.
+She was therefore startled at the question, but
+with tolerable promptitude and presence of mind,
+replied:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am grateful for your ladyship&#8217;s kindness.
+But, till I have seen my father, it is impossible
+to say when I can begin to apply myself to the
+instruction so kindly provided. I will return
+as soon as&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The Countess understood this sentence, and
+answered with rather more asperity than became
+a kind and condescending patron: &#8220;You
+need not trouble yourself to return to me, Miss
+Primrose, unless you please to accept of the
+instruction that I have provided for you. If I
+confer favours I expect to choose what favours
+I shall confer.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Penelope made no reply, for her heart was
+full, and she thought of Mrs Greendale; but,
+under all this, the joy at the thought of her
+father&#8217;s return kept her spirits from sinking.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">It was</span> a very fine morning when Lord Spoonbill&#8217;s
+gig was brought to the door to convey
+Penelope to London. The young lady was joyful
+even to tears. Hers was a joy of such intoxicating
+and almost bewildering nature, that
+it became necessary for her to exercise some
+restraint over herself, lest she should make herself
+ridiculous by ungoverned prating. Lord
+Spoonbill was also pleased with the commission
+which he had given to himself, to conduct the
+young lady to town. But his pleasure was
+mingled with thoughtfulness, and alloyed by
+meditating and contriving. He not been inexperienced
+in the winning of female affection,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span>
+but he was conscious that there was in the mind
+of Penelope something widely different from and
+far superior to those with whom his former intimacies
+had been.</p>
+
+<p>Deeply and seriously did he endeavour to
+revolve in his mind the advice which he had
+received from his friend Erpingham. But his
+lordship&#8217;s mind was unfortunately too narrow
+and contracted to afford room for anything to
+turn round in it. He tried and tried, but all
+to no purpose, to understand what Erpingham
+could possibly mean, when he said that a
+woman is not fit for a wife who can forgive
+an offer of a different description. His lordship,
+on the contrary, thought that a woman is not
+fit for a wife who is of an unforgiving disposition.</p>
+
+<p>So far indeed as his lordship&#8217;s own personal
+feelings were concerned he would have had no
+objection whatever to offer his hand to Miss
+Primrose; an offer which he thought of course
+could not possibly be rejected. But then again<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span>
+he thought of his dignity; and he remembered
+how very severely he had spoken, and how very
+contemptibly he had thought, of some titled individuals
+who had so far compromised their dignity
+as to marry from the lower orders. Yet there
+was something so elegant and so naturally noble
+in Penelope&#8217;s look, manner, expression, tone of
+voice, carriage and person, that nature itself
+seemed to have ennobled her. She seemed fitted
+for any station in society. This was all very
+true; but Lord Spoonbill could not for all this
+reconcile his mind to the thought of raising Miss
+Primrose to the exalted rank of the Spoonbill
+family. He was fearful too that the degradation
+would break his mother&#8217;s heart.  All these
+thoughts, if thoughts they might be called, with
+myriads more of the same complexion and tendency,
+passed through the mind, if mind he had
+any, of the son and heir of the Right Honorable
+the Earl of Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>We have said it was a fine morning, and if
+two of the English nation can on such a morning<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span>
+travel together without talking about the fineness
+of the weather, when it is really fine, they are
+two that we have never seen, heard, or read of.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;We have a beautiful morning for our ride,
+Miss Primrose,&#8221; said Lord Spoonbill.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Beautiful, indeed,&#8221; replied Penelope; and
+she said it with such energy, with such heart-bounding
+glee, as if the sun had never shewn her
+its cloudless face before. And never indeed had
+it shone so brightly before to her. There is
+something peculiarly and positively beautiful in
+a fine bright day in the midst of winter. The
+shortness of its light adds to its intensity and
+condenses its interest. But when there is sunshine
+within as well as without, and when the
+heart is young, pure, hopeful and buoyant, then
+is there felt a revelry of delight, a wantonness of
+happiness. So felt Penelope on this bright and
+brilliant winter&#8217;s morning. And when there was
+added to the joyous feeling within and to the
+effect of the spirit-stirring anticipation with
+which she set out on her journey, the bracing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span>
+and sharpening of an almost frosty air, her fine
+countenance was suffused with as brilliant a hue
+as ever graced the human countenance. As far
+as life excels the art of the sculptor, so far did
+the countenance of Penelope on this morning&#8217;s
+journey excel in brightness and beauty its
+ordinary expression. &#8220;We are not stocks and
+stones.&#8221; So thought Lord Spoonbill when he
+gazed on the lovely one who sat beside him. He
+almost felt the majesty of loveliness, and was
+almost awed into reverence.</p>
+
+<p>And did not the thought then occur to his
+lordship, that the scheme which he was meditating
+must of necessity destroy that peace, that
+happiness, that purity, which now formed so
+lovely and interesting a picture? Did not some
+recollection of beauty prematurely fading, of the
+burning blushes of self-reproach, of the convulsive
+throbbings of breaking hearts, of memory
+burdened and writhing under the agony of
+thoughts it cannot bear and cannot forget, come
+into the mind of the Right Honorable Lord<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span>
+Spoonbill? Did he not recollect poor Ellen,
+lovely in her simplicity, happy in her innocence,
+the light of her home and the joy of her
+widowed mother&#8217;s heart? And did he not think
+of that same Ellen dropping the tears of agonizing
+penitence on that mother&#8217;s dying pillow,
+and wandering now, for aught he knew to the
+contrary, a houseless, shivering, desolate outcast?</p>
+
+<p>No such thoughts entered his mind. Selfishness
+and sensuality predominated over, or excluded
+all other feelings. He used all the art of
+which he was master to render himself agreeable
+to his companion during their short journey. He
+also exerted all his power of observation to see
+whether any symptoms betrayed an interest in
+him on the part of Penelope. But in the brightness
+of her looks, and the joyousness of her
+features, no other emotions were visible and no
+other thoughts could be read. His lordship
+was convinced that he could not possibly live
+without her, and he resolved that at all events he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span>
+would make known his admiration by words
+as well as by looks. Like all the rest of the
+world, preferring his own judgment to the advice
+of any other, he determined that the offer of
+marriage should be reserved till he should ascertain
+that no other was likely to succeed.</p>
+
+<p>The journey was soon over. They arrived at
+the Earl of Smatterton&#8217;s town mansion full two
+hours before it was likely that Mr Primrose
+should be in town. Ten thousand thanks were
+given by the grateful Penelope for the kindness
+of his lordship, and unnumbered acknowledgments
+of the goodness and condescension of the
+Earl and Countess of Smatterton. Such were
+the joyous feelings of the young lady, that these
+thanks and acknowledgments were expressed
+with unusual earnestness and warmth of manner;
+and such was the modesty of Lord Spoonbill,
+that for himself and for his right honorable
+parents he disclaimed all right and title to such
+a profusion of thanks.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I beg, Miss Primrose,&#8221; said his modest lord<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span>ship,
+&#8220;that you will not so overwhelm us with
+your thanks. We are but too happy in having
+had it in our power to afford you any little accommodation.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh my lord, you are very kind, very kind.
+But I am almost afraid that I have said or done
+something to offend her ladyship, the Countess;
+for, when I took my leave last night, her ladyship
+spoke to me as in anger. I fear I did
+wrong in so readily accepting the offer to come
+to town to meet my father.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>To the ear of Lord Spoonbill there was something
+exceedingly graceful and musical in the
+tone with which this language was uttered. There
+is indeed an indescribable beauty in the accents
+of a grateful mind fearful of having offended
+its benefactor. His lordship was aware of his
+mother&#8217;s feelings on the subject of the probable
+loss of Penelope, and his lordship was himself
+also fearful of losing her. But he did not use
+the language of harshness under that apprehen<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span>sion,
+he sought rather to retain her by kindness
+of expression. Assuming therefore an unusual
+tenderness and considerateness of manner, he
+took the young lady&#8217;s hand, as if unconsciously,
+but in truth designedly, and holding the hand
+with sufficient firmness to prevent it being withdrawn,
+but not so as to excite suspicion or
+thought of intentional seriousness, he said:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am very sorry that anything which the
+Countess may have said, has given you uneasiness;
+but my mother has a peculiar earnestness
+and hastiness of manner, that you have mistaken
+for anger. No one can ever be offended with
+Miss Primrose.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>There was a little pause, during which Lord
+Spoonbill endeavoured to catch a glance of the
+expression of Penelope&#8217;s countenance, without
+appearing to make any particular observation;
+and, in this short pause, Penelope almost sighed.
+Lovers delight to hear sighs, and Lord Spoonbill
+was especially pleased at this symptom of emo<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span>tion
+in Miss Primrose. Retaining her hand
+therefore, and softening his tone down to deeper
+tenderness, he continued:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The Countess no doubt will be sorry to lose
+you, if the return of your father necessarily involves
+that condition. But let us hope that may
+not be the case.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Having thus spoken, his lordship pressed
+the young lady&#8217;s hand more emphatically, and
+sighed. Now, by rights, Penelope should at this
+have started up, and suddenly withdrawing her
+hand, knitting her brows, advancing three steps
+backward and darting a look of indignation at
+his lordship, should have exclaimed, &#8220;Unhand
+me, my lord; what is the meaning of this language?&#8221;
+But Penelope neither did nor said anything
+of the kind. For the word &#8216;unhand&#8217; was
+not in her dictionary, and she had been too long
+acquainted with Lord Spoonbill to expect that
+he should be able to explain the meaning of all
+he said. There was also another reason why the
+young lady did not thus express indignation<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span>
+and astonishment; namely, that having no suspicion
+of the views or intentions of his lordship,
+she did not observe or rightly interpret his language
+and his sigh. In addition to this, it may
+be also supposed that the expectation of her
+father&#8217;s arrival had some influence in rendering
+her unobservant of everything else.</p>
+
+<p>Emboldened by the unresisting manner in
+which Penelope listened to his conversation, his
+lordship proceeded to speak less equivocally,
+and grasping with both his hands the still unremoved
+hand of Penelope, and assuming a look
+and tone of tenderness, he said:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Pardon me, Miss Primrose, if I seize this
+first and perhaps last opportunity of avowing how
+dearly I do love you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>His lordship was about to say much more on
+the same interesting topic, but Miss Primrose
+interrupted him. The manner in which the interruption
+was given was rather singular, and did
+not seem at all favorable to his lordship&#8217;s hopes.
+For, instead of looking serious and frowning and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span>
+attitudinizing, the young lady merely withdrew
+her hand, and said with a smile:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My lord, I hope you are only jesting; but
+my feelings are too much interested with the
+thought of presently meeting my father, to allow
+me now even to enter into the humour of a
+jest.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Thereupon his lordship rose from his seat, laid
+his hand upon his heart, and directed to Miss
+Primrose a look, which would, on the stage,
+have called down deafening plaudits from the
+back of the one shilling gallery to the front row
+of the pit, and with indescribable earnestness
+exclaimed, &#8220;By heavens, Miss Primrose, I am
+serious!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>To that declaration the young lady replied
+seriously, &#8220;Then, my lord, I am very sorry to
+hear it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Thus speaking, Penelope went towards the
+window, leaving his lordship to think what he
+should say next. The enamoured hereditary
+legislator then, undaunted by the smiles or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span>
+frowns of Miss Primrose, followed the young
+lady to the window, and in less impassioned but
+mildly persuasive tones continued his address,
+saying:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Miss Primrose, may I request of you the
+favor to hear me?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly, my lord,&#8221; replied Penelope, &#8220;if
+you will hear me first.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Most willingly,&#8221; replied his lordship.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Then, my lord,&#8221; continued Penelope, &#8220;I
+must be permitted to say that I feel very much
+hurt and surprised at what you have already
+said. You have recalled to my mind thoughts
+that I would willingly have forgotten; this allusion
+will suffice to let your lordship understand
+the state of my feelings. I hope you will forbear
+the unpleasant discussion. Indeed&#8221;&mdash;here her
+voice was feebler, and her lip quivered, and
+the full tear was in her eyes, and her whole frame
+trembled, but she did not look the less lovely
+for this emotion; summoning an effort, she
+continued, &#8220;For mercy&#8217;s sake, my lord, let me<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span>
+meet my father as composedly as I possibly can.
+In less than an hour he will be here. Pray do
+not rob our meeting of its happiness.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>In saying this she threw herself into the
+nearest chair, and covering her face with her
+handkerchief she sobbed and wept, and in spite
+of herself thought of Robert Darnley. The Right
+Honorable Lord Spoonbill also sat down, and
+thought of Nick Muggins and the indescribable
+pony. But his lordship neither wept nor
+blushed. We record this fact rather for its truth
+than its beauty. It seems indeed an encouragement
+to such sparks as, in their transgressions,
+sometimes feel remorse; for it is as much as to
+say that, by practice, they will become so familiarized
+with meanness and cruelty as to cease to
+feel ashamed of them.</p>
+
+<p>His lordship for a few minutes was silent.
+But as soon as Penelope was a little more composed,
+he said;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span> &#8220;I am very much concerned,
+Miss Primrose, for the uneasiness which I have
+occasioned you, and so far from wishing to
+interrupt the happiness of your meeting with
+your father I will retire, that you may compose
+yourself. Only let me request that I may have
+the honor of being introduced to Mr Primrose
+after your first meeting is over.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This was all very rational and proper, and the
+kind, considerate manner in which it was spoken
+pleased Penelope very much, and she made her
+acknowledgments for the kindness with so
+much grace as to fascinate his lordship more
+than ever. He thought he had never seen so
+lovely and interesting a creature in his life. He
+apologized for having introduced such a subject
+so inopportunely, and attributed it solely to the
+fear that the arrival of her father might preclude
+him from speaking on the subject at a future
+time.</p>
+
+<p>When the poor girl was left alone, it was no
+easy matter for her to arrange her scattered
+thoughts and to bring herself back to that state
+of holiday extasy with which she had begun the
+day. Nor was much time afforded her for the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span>
+purpose; for, not many minutes after the departure
+of Lord Spoonbill, the arrival of Mr
+Primrose was announced. There seemed to
+Penelope to be scarcely any interval between
+hearing a carriage stop at the door, and finding
+herself embraced in the arms of her long lost
+father.</p>
+
+<p>Over a scene like this all modest dramatists
+would drop the curtain, knowing that imagination
+would be rather impeded than assisted by
+farther exhibition.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">To</span> continue that reference to the drama with
+which the preceding chapter was concluded, it
+may be remarked that, when the curtain has
+fallen thus abruptly on one scene, the spectators
+do not anticipate that, on its being drawn
+up again, the eye should be greeted with any
+continuation of that scene; but rather do they
+look for some great and decided transition. Our
+readers therefore will not now be surprised if
+we take them back again to Neverden and
+Smatterton. They are pleasant villages, and
+their inhabitants are for the most part unartificial
+people.</p>
+
+<p>It is a fact worthy of notice, and we have no<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span>
+doubt that our observant readers have already
+remarked it, that all the personages in those
+two villages of whom we have yet spoken, have
+had that delectable and pleasing feeling of their
+own importance, by which they have considered
+that the world has been under infinite obligations
+to them. To have that feeling strongly
+and genuinely, is a real happiness; and if there
+has ever been any human being whom we have
+envied, it has been P. P., clerk of this parish,
+especially while he was writing his own memoirs.
+To endeavour to rob any one of this sense, is
+cruel, heart-rendingly cruel and barbarous; but
+fortunately for human happiness, this robbery
+cannot easily be effected.</p>
+
+<p>But though the good people of these villages
+had this feeling in a very high and pure degree,
+yet it is not altogether confined to them; and
+if the Reverend Mr Darnley, in his vigintennial
+visits to London, has been rather angry and
+offended at the rude behaviour of the people in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span>
+the streets who have jostled and driven against
+him, without having the grace to move their hats
+to him, that self-same Mr Darnley has in his
+turn inflicted upon a distinguished inhabitant
+of the great metropolis as serious a mortification
+as his reverence experienced from metropolitan
+neglect.</p>
+
+<p>We have introduced to our readers the Rev.
+Charles Pringle; we have now to introduce that
+gentleman&#8217;s first-cousin, Zephaniah Pringle, Esq.
+This illustrious personage was not a native, but
+had long been an inhabitant, of the great metropolis,
+and, according to his own view of the
+matter, a great ornament to it. He was a literary
+man. He had been destined by his parents
+for agricultural pursuits, but his genius was
+above them. The circumstances, the trifling circumstances,
+which tend to develope the powers
+of the mind and to direct the energies into their
+proper channel, are always worthy of notice.
+Everybody knows the story of Sir Isaac Newton<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span>
+and the apple. But everybody does not know,
+but soon will know, the circumstances which
+made Zephaniah Pringle a critic.</p>
+
+<p>When Zephaniah was about twelve years old
+he was taken to Smatterton by his father, who
+had to make a call of business on Mr Kipperson.
+While Mr Pringle and Mr Kipperson were
+engaged in looking at some cattle which the
+latter had to dispose of, young Pringle was
+gaping about in the library, and admiring with
+great veneration all its literary wonders; but
+that which most powerfully arrested his attention
+was a plaister bust of Dr Johnson. And
+when the agricultural gentlemen returned to the
+library, Zephaniah, pointing to the bust, said,
+&#8220;Father, was that there thick-headed man a
+heathen philosopher?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Mr Kipperson, who was pleased with the
+young gentleman&#8217;s manifestation of a taste for
+literature and philosophy, kindly corrected the
+misapprehension of the youth, and said,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span> &#8220;No,
+my lad, the heathen philosophers did not wear
+wigs. That is a bust of Dr Johnson, the celebrated
+critic and lexicographer.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Zephaniah, with open mouth and expanded
+eyes, stared his thanks to Mr Kipperson, who
+immediately asked the young gentleman if he
+was fond of reading. To which he replied in the
+affirmative. Whereupon Mr Kipperson kindly
+lent the youth Boswell&#8217;s Life of Dr Johnson.</p>
+
+<p>From that moment young Pringle felt an
+irresistible impulse to become a man of letters;
+and with a view to gratify that ambition, his
+father was kind enough to let him have another
+quarter&#8217;s Latin, in order to give him an
+opportunity to perfect himself in classical literature.</p>
+
+<p>Thus qualified, the young man in due time
+went up to London. In the great metropolis
+he soon divested himself of the rusticity of his
+manners, and after some few failures in the
+first instance, for want of knowing the proper
+knack of writing, he soon acquired a tolerable
+facility, and absolutely once wrote something<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span>
+that was talked about. From that moment he
+never saw two people talking together in a
+bookseller&#8217;s shop, without fancying that they
+were talking about Zephaniah Pringle.</p>
+
+<p>He took great pains to imitate Dr Johnson;
+but his literary companions detected him and
+laughed at him. He had but a slender frame
+and a slender voice; and when he attempted
+the oracular and the pompous style, it was like
+playing the Hallelujah Chorus on a fife. He
+could not adopt the doctor&#8217;s Jacobitism, but
+he took instead of that a double extra super-Eldon
+high Toryism. And in religion, not that
+he ever went to church, he was decidedly of
+opinion that all dissenters and Roman Catholics
+were convinced that the church of England
+was the only true church, but that they would
+not conform merely out of spite. It was his
+opinion that the Duke of Wellington would
+never have driven the French out of Spain,
+had he not always made a point of hearing all
+his soldiers every day say the church catechism.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>He had a praiseworthy and prodigious horror
+of gymnastics; they came from Greece, and
+the ancient Greeks were republicans. In his
+notion of mechanics&#8217; institutes he was exceedingly
+ungrateful to Mr Kipperson, who patronized
+him and them too; and when Mr Kipperson
+once proposed to establish a mechanics&#8217;
+institute at Smatterton for the benefit of the
+agricultural operatives, this Zephaniah Pringle
+had the impudence to write him a long letter
+on the subject, accusing him of a design to
+subvert the established church, and convert
+England into a republic. Mr Kipperson gave
+up the scheme, not because of this letter, but
+because, when he assembled the people of the
+village in one of his barns to read them a
+lecture on hydrostatics, every soul of them fell
+fast asleep.</p>
+
+<p>There was another subject on which Mr Zephaniah
+Pringle had very strong opinions,&mdash;viz.
+West India slavery. He very properly laughed
+at the absurdity of supposing that negroes have<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span>
+the slightest objection to be flogged to death;
+and he knew that the only object which the
+abolitionists had in view, was <ins title="original: too verturn">to overturn</ins> the
+established church.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Zephaniah Pringle had a most exquisite
+conceit of his own superlative wisdom and penetration.
+This gentleman must have experienced
+therefore a sensation of great delight
+in taking his important self down to Smatterton
+to visit Mr Kipperson and surprise the natives.
+But how great must have been his astonishment,
+when introduced by Mr Kipperson at the rectory
+of Neverden, to find that Mr Darnley the elder
+had never heard of the name and fame of Zephaniah
+Pringle. He consoled himself, however,
+with the reflection, that many other names great
+as his own were equally unknown to this obscure
+village parson.</p>
+
+<p>Finding that the young ladies of Mr Darnley&#8217;s
+family were addicted to reading, the critic
+kindly administered his gratuitous and unasked
+commentaries on divers modern and ancient
+authors. He astonished the daughters of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span>
+rector of Neverden by opinions hitherto unheard
+and unthought of. The confidence of his manner
+passed for wisdom and decided apprehension
+of the subjects on which he spoke; and as he
+took care to let it be thoroughly understood
+that all who differed from him were fools, and
+as literary young ladies do not like to be considered
+fools, they of course assented to Zephaniah
+Pringle&#8217;s opinions on literary topics.</p>
+
+<p>In his conversation with Mr Darnley the
+younger he found that, by talking literature, he
+did not seem to magnify himself to his heart&#8217;s
+content; for Robert Darnley did not believe that
+critics were conjurors. The genius then had
+recourse to talk concerning those persons of
+high style and dignity with whom he had the
+honor to be acquainted. Among other great
+names, he mentioned that of Lord Smatterton,
+and the scarcely less illustrious name of Lord
+Spoonbill.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You are acquainted then with Lord Spoonbill?&#8221;
+said Robert Darnley.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh yes, perfectly well,&#8221; replied the critic.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And pray what kind of man is this Lord
+Spoonbill? for, though the family resides in the
+next village, I am totally unacquainted with
+them.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Lord Spoonbill himself is the best creature
+in the world. The Earl of Smatterton is a
+proud, haughty man, like the rest of the Whig
+aristocracy.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Then Lord Spoonbill is not so very proud?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I cannot say that Lord Spoonbill is altogether
+without pride. He has very high notions;
+but his manner is not pompous like his father&#8217;s.
+And he can be very agreeable, though he is by
+no means a man of any great share of intellect.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have heard him spoken of,&#8221; replied Robert
+Darnley, &#8220;as being a very profligate man.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I believe,&#8221; said the critic, &#8220;he is rather
+gay, but not more so than most young men of
+his rank. The finest joke in the world is, that
+his father, the Earl of Smatterton, thinks that
+he is one of the gravest and steadiest young men
+of the age, and quotes him as such accordingly.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span>
+But the fact is, that his lordship has lately taken
+under his protection a lady, now received at Lord
+Smatterton&#8217;s table.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Robert Darnley could not believe his own
+senses. The language which he now heard from
+Zephaniah Pringle seemed to allude plainly
+enough to Penelope, but it could not be possible,
+he thought, that a young lady of such
+high and pure spirit as Miss Primrose could
+ever submit to an arrangement so truly humiliating.
+Suppressing and concealing his agitation
+as well as he could, he endeavoured to
+ascertain from the man of letters what was
+really the fact concerning Lord Spoonbill and
+this, as yet unnamed, young lady.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Surely, Mr Pringle, you do not mean to say
+that Lord Spoonbill has a lady in keeping, whom
+he introduces to his father&#8217;s table? This is really
+beyond all credence.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But indeed, sir, I do mean it,&#8221; replied Zephaniah
+the critic:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span> &#8220;and, if you have never heard
+the story, I can tell you all the particulars.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is no business of mine,&#8221; said Darnley,
+&#8220;but I do feel curious to know the particulars
+of so very singular a case, as a young man
+bringing a kept lady to his father&#8217;s own table.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is not altogether so,&#8221; replied Mr Pringle;
+&#8220;but I will tell you exactly how the case stands;
+I know Spoonbill very intimately.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This last expression was uttered as everybody
+would naturally suppose such an expression
+would be uttered by such a man. After
+thoroughly enjoying the high and refined satisfaction
+of having said, &#8220;I know Spoonbill
+very intimately,&#8221; the loyal and religious critic
+proceeded:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You must remember old Greendale, the
+rector of Smatterton, who was my cousin&#8217;s predecessor
+in the living. He died a very short
+time before you returned from India. This old
+man had a very pretty niece, you know; you
+must remember her, for I understand that she
+lived with old Dr Greendale from her infancy.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, certainly,&#8221; said Darnley, with much<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span>
+effort concealing the agitation which he felt;
+&#8220;I remember her very well, her name is Primrose;
+but you surely do not mean to say that
+Miss Primrose is living under the protection
+of Lord Spoonbill?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Hereupon Mr Pringle did somewhat hesitate
+and say, &#8220;Why, why&mdash;I cannot exactly say
+that&mdash;that she is absolutely living under his
+protection. She is rather living under the protection
+of Lady Smatterton as yet. You perhaps
+may not know that Miss Primrose has a
+remarkably fine voice, and is in fact a first-rate
+vocalist: now Lady Smatterton is a great patroness
+of musical talent, and has taken a fancy
+to bring Miss Primrose out this season as a
+public singer, and Lord Spoonbill has made
+proposals, which I believe have been accepted
+by the lady; and she is to be under his lordship&#8217;s
+protection as soon as she leaves Lord
+Smatterton&#8217;s house, and that will be very soon.
+That is the true state of the case. I wonder
+you have never heard of it before; for though<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span>
+you have been from India a very short time, yet
+in country places intelligence flies very rapidly.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, you astonish me,&#8221; said Mr Darnley
+the younger; &#8220;I could not have thought that
+a young lady, brought up by such an exemplary
+and virtuous man as the late Dr Greendale,
+should ever condescend to live upon those terms
+with the first nobleman in the kingdom.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, sir,&#8221; replied the knowing critic, &#8220;you
+do not understand the heart, especially the
+female heart. There is something in title and
+splendour so fascinating to the weaker sex,
+that few can resist its influence. I have observed
+and studied the human mind in all its
+various attitudes, and I have lived in the world
+long enough to cease to be astonished at anything
+I hear or see. In such an outlandish
+place as India you see nothing and learn nothing.
+London is the only place where the
+human character can be thoroughly and properly
+studied.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Much more to the same purpose did the fluent<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span>
+cousin of the new rector of Smatterton say to
+the son of the rector of Neverden. But Robert
+Darnley heard him and heeded him not. Deeply
+did the intelligence concerning Penelope sink
+into his mind, and painfully did he revolve the
+idle gossip of the loyal and religious critic,
+who had properly and thoroughly studied human
+nature, in his lodgings in Fetter lane, Holborn.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">The</span> day which followed immediately after
+the above-mentioned conversation, was destined
+for a grand dinner party at the mansion of Sir
+George Aimwell, Bart. Preparations were made
+for a splendid entertainment. It was not an
+easy matter to get together a large party in that
+neighbourhood without admitting to the table
+some individuals of dubious dignity. There was,
+for instance, the equivocal Mr Kipperson, at
+once landlord and tenant, gentleman and farmer;
+but then he was so zealous a friend to the
+interest of agriculture. He was so thoroughly
+enlightened on the corn question, that the
+great men of Smatterton and Neverden could<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span>
+not but respect him. Sir George Aimwell also
+liked Mr Kipperson, because he was a bad
+shot, and had so ardent a zeal against poachers.</p>
+
+<p>This party was assembled, among other objects,
+for the purpose of welcoming to England the son
+of the rector of Neverden. But Robert Darnley
+was by no means in spirits for the enjoyment of
+festivity. He was sorry for what he had heard
+from Zephaniah Pringle, and he was angry that
+he was sorry, and then again sorry that he was
+angry.</p>
+
+<p>It had been unfortunate for him that there
+had been such silence observed on the subject
+of his correspondence and acquaintance with
+Penelope. Scarcely any one but the parties
+concerned knew anything of the matter. Mr
+Kipperson suspected it, and the Smatterton
+family had been informed of it by Mr Darnley,
+because the reverend gentleman thought it but
+respectful to let them into the secret. As for
+Sir George Aimwell, he scarcely knew or thought
+of anything, except administering justice and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span>
+killing birds. The Reverend Charles Pringle,
+rector of Smatterton, was also quite unaware of
+the existence of any correspondence between
+Robert Darnley and Penelope Primrose. No
+wonder then that, under the present awkward
+circumstances, and with the false account which
+Zephaniah, the critic, had brought from London,
+there should be in the hearing of Robert Darnley
+much conversation by no means agreeable
+to his feelings, or soothing to his mind.</p>
+
+<p>When the party began to assemble they began
+also to talk: but at the first their talk was very
+desultory and common-place. The worthy baronet
+was congratulated by Mr Kipperson on
+having caught a poacher, and was condoled with
+by the same gentleman on having lost almost
+his whole brood of pheasants. It is astonishing
+that any one can be so simple as not to see
+that pheasants were obviously created to be shot
+by gentlemen and noblemen only, or their gamekeepers.
+There was also much talk about horses
+and dogs, and the poor-rates, and Mr Malthus,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span>
+and parish settlements, and the agricultural interest.</p>
+
+<p>It is very erroneously stated by many persons,
+both in writing and in speaking, that the period
+between the first arrival of the company and the
+serving up of the dinner is most weary, stale,
+flat and unprofitable. But as there is no spot
+of earth so barren as not to produce some curiosity
+to reward the toil and gratify the taste
+of the botanist, so there is no attitude or condition
+of our being which may not yield some
+fruit of instruction and amusement to the moral
+botanist. We deserve the thanks of our readers
+for much that we communicate in the way of
+information and amusement, but perhaps for
+nothing so much as for directing their attention
+to the great and valuable truth, that even the
+usually-considered dreary half hour before dinner
+is not absolutely barren and worthless. Peradventure
+also, by directing the attention to this
+matter, we may prevent many a dinner from
+being spoiled, because we thus present a strong<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span>
+inducement to an early arrival. He that arrives
+first is pretty certain that the rest of the company
+can have no opportunity of pulling his
+character to pieces behind his back. For when
+the host expresses to the rest of his party his
+wonder that Mr Smith is not come, then the
+good people who are hungry and impatient begin
+to talk about Mr Smith, and they use him
+ungently, treating his transgressions with no
+candour, and honoring his virtues with no encomium.
+There is also something very curious in
+observing the different effects which dining produces
+on different persons. Some will enter
+the drawing-room brimfull of intelligence, telling
+everybody everything that everybody knows, and
+nobody cares about. There are people who entertain
+the strange notion that tongues were
+made to talk about mere matters of fact; and
+when they have said their say, they are silent
+for the rest of the evening. There are again
+others who, before dinner, look as wise and as
+stupid as owls; who seem at a most painful loss<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span>
+what to do with their hands, or their feet, or
+their eyes; who having no motive to look at
+one object in the room more than at another,
+let their eyes roll unmeaningly and incessantly
+about as if they were endeavouring to keep them
+open without looking at anything. But when
+these apparently inanimate imitations of Chinese
+Mandarins have had their dinner, their looks are
+brightened and their tongues loosened, and as
+before dinner they seemed as if they were wishing
+most ardently for an opportunity to simper
+at something which might be said by another,
+they after dinner give forth that which interests
+and delights. The period before dinner is also
+one of great importance for the exhibition of
+personal decoration. Then, and then only, has
+dress its right display, and its full complement
+of observers. In this brief digression it is impossible
+to enter into one half, or one twentieth
+of the particulars which may interest and delight
+an observant mind. &#8220;Sermons in stones and
+good in everything,&#8221; is one of the most true<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span>
+and most valuable expressions which the pen of
+Shakspeare ever wrote. But to proceed.</p>
+
+<p>There was, as we have said above, much miscellaneous
+talk before dinner at this &#8220;grand
+miscellaneous&#8221; entertainment, given by Sir
+George Aimwell. Mr Kipperson strutted about
+the room with his hands in his pockets, looking
+as wise as a conjuror and as pleased as Punch,
+saying something scientific or agricultural to
+every one there. The Reverend Charles Pringle
+made his appearance also time enough to show
+the company how possible it was to violate the
+decorum of clerical attire without actually transgressing
+the literal regulations. Lady Aimwell
+received much of that gentleman&#8217;s polite attention;
+and the daughters of Mr Darnley were
+also not unnoticed. The new rector of Smatterton
+was very clever at conundrums, some new
+ones of his own making were graciously communicated
+to the young ladies. Zephaniah Pringle,
+the critic, was pleased to look very important,
+and to feel his dignity and intellectuality mightily<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span>
+hurt, because the talk, such as it was, had no
+interest for him. He was much at a loss to
+think how it was possible for human beings to
+take an interest in such unintellectual things
+as corn, cattle, game and poor-laws; and he
+thought the people were great blockheads because
+they talked about what concerned themselves.
+Robert Darnley received the congratulations
+of his friends; but he received them coldly,
+for his mind was not at ease.</p>
+
+<p>Now after much talk, miscellaneous and desultory,
+several of the party, while yet they were
+waiting for dinner, congregated together at one
+of the windows, and their talk was almost in
+whispers. Zephaniah Pringle was one of that
+select committee, and he was speaking very
+gravely and very knowingly, and Sir George
+Aimwell was looking as much as to say, &#8220;I am
+very sorry for it.&#8221; Mr Darnley the elder was
+also one of the whispering group, and looked
+as serious and solemn as any one of them; and
+every now and then he turned his eyes suspi<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span>ciously
+and inquiringly towards his son. The
+young gentleman more than suspected what was
+the subject of their discourse; and as the rector
+of Neverden was the only one of the party who
+had any suspicion of the interest which Robert
+Darnley took in the person concerning whom the
+discussion was made, they did not very carefully
+subdue and suppress their voices, but they
+spoke loudly enough to be heard in their whispering,
+and the name of Primrose was heard by
+Robert Darnley, and in spite of his high spirit
+he felt sick at heart. And though he felt little
+appetite for dinner, he was glad of the announcement,
+which relieved him from hearing, or rather
+fancying that he heard, talk that told of the
+shame of Penelope.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, that our pen could write strongly as
+our heart feels against those villanous, viper-souled,
+low-minded, merciless reptiles, who, from
+motives too grovelling and dirty to be analyzed,
+impertinently by their ill-digested calumnies,
+mutilate and mangle the fairest reputation, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span>
+sully the purest characters. Never can such
+vermin be sufficiently punished or adequately
+vituperated, for they are absolutely incapable
+of feeling such racking mental agonies as they
+inflict on others. What could such a heartless
+puppy as Zephaniah Pringle feel of mental
+and heart-rending agony, compared with that
+which Robert Darnley experienced, when he
+had reason to think that the high-minded,
+clear-souled Penelope, whom he had loved for
+her purity, her moral as well as personal beauty,
+had so far forgotten all good feelings and all
+high thoughts as to sink down into a character
+for which refined language has no name?</p>
+
+<p>The baronet&#8217;s table was splendidly covered,
+and the guests were as well pleased in demolishing
+as the cook had been in constructing
+and compiling the various specimens of culinary
+art. Sir George Aimwell paid, as was proper,
+especial attention to Robert Darnley, and endeavoured
+to draw the young man into conversation,
+or, more properly speaking, to provoke<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span>
+him into narrative. To such questions as were
+asked he gave an ample and intelligent answer,
+but he proceeded no further; he did not seem
+desirous to obtrude himself upon the attention
+of the company.</p>
+
+<p>Table-talk was by no means the forte of the
+worthy baronet; but when he had a party he
+generally exerted himself: and as he was very
+well aware that, in his own proper person, and
+from his own peculiar stores, he was by no
+means a man of talk, he very considerately endeavoured
+to set in motion other tongues than
+his own. On the present occasion he thought,
+that as Mr Robert Darnley had been long
+abroad, he would most likely be best able to
+entertain the guests. But when the hospitable
+host observed how very slowly and reluctantly
+the young man brought out the stores of his
+information, he next directed his attention to
+Zephaniah Pringle, who was not so reserved.
+He spoke fluently, and readily, and oracularly.
+Sir George, though not a man of letters, was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span>
+ready enough to indulge his guests, or to suffer
+them, if they would, to indulge themselves, with
+literary conversation; and it was a great happiness
+to Zephaniah Pringle to let the inhabitants
+of Smatterton and Neverden know how great a
+man was in their company. Yet there was a
+little abatement from the purity and intensity
+of that enjoyment, in the observing how inapt
+they seemed to be in comprehending which
+were the first publications of the day, and
+which were productions of inferior note. Some
+of the party asked strange things about reviews
+and magazines, and Zephaniah was astonished
+that there should be in any part of Great
+Britain such complete, total darkness, and intellectual
+neglect, as that his own peculiar periodical
+should be altogether unknown even by
+name. He attributed their ignorance to mere
+spite, or thought that Lord Smatterton, being a
+Whig, had made it a point to conceal from his
+country neighbours the existence of that periodical,
+which, by the means of pastry-cooks and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span>
+tobacconists, had an immense circulation in the
+metropolis. The daughters of Mr Darnley
+listened with much reverence to the oracles of
+Zephaniah the critic, and they thought him
+prodigiously wise, because he thought differently
+from everybody else. They asked his
+opinion of every book which they remembered
+having read: and they endeavoured to persuade
+themselves to entertain the same opinions as
+he did.</p>
+
+<p>If our readers imagine that, from what we
+have said concerning the daughters of the rector
+of Neverden, these young ladies were superficial
+simpletons, we are desirous of removing
+such impression. They were not conceitedly
+confident in their own judgment; and, as they
+were not much in the way of seeing or hearing
+literary pretenders and intellectual quacks, they
+gave Zephaniah Pringle credit for all that he
+assumed. They did not think very highly of
+themselves, and therefore they readily yielded
+assent to the oracles of one who appeared so<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span>
+competent and able to give an opinion. Many
+others, besides the daughters of Mr Darnley,
+have been at a first, or even second interview
+with Zephaniah, very greatly deceived as to the
+height, the depth, and the breadth, of the critic&#8217;s
+understanding.</p>
+
+<p>This part of our narrative, though not directly
+tending to the developement of the history, we
+could not consent to pass by unnoticed; for
+though it may not be very entertaining, it is instructive,
+and it affords us an opportunity of
+giving a valuable hint to our young readers.
+The hint to which we allude, is to caution
+them against too much modesty. Only suppose,
+for instance, that such an empty-headed
+coxcomb as Zephaniah Pringle had entertained
+a fair opinion of his own understanding, or that
+he had underrated his own intellectual powers
+and stores, who would ever have found out that
+he was superior to what he assumed? Who
+would have taken the trouble to urge him to
+assume a higher rank? Not one. But now<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span>
+that he set himself up for a great one, who was
+to detect the hollowness of his pretensions?
+Not above one in a hundred. And who would
+take the trouble to expose him? Not one in a
+thousand. And who would take notice of the
+exposure? Not one in ten thousand.</p>
+
+<p>In our next edition we will cancel this last
+paragraph, if we find that modesty has ever made
+its owner rich or celebrated. Modesty is certainly
+very much to be praised, and if we were
+candidate for any situation of honor or emolument,
+or even for a good seat in a theatre, we
+should very much approve of the modesty of
+such as, having power to rival us, would meekly
+and quietly stand out of our way.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">During</span> the night which followed the grand
+dinner given by Sir George Aimwell, Robert
+Darnley scarcely slept a single hour. He retired
+to his apartment full of bitter and distracting
+thoughts, almost tempted to believe that
+there was truth in the foul libels that thoughtless
+blockheads have uttered and written concerning
+the gentler sex. He said to himself,
+&#8220;Frailty! thy name is woman.&#8221; He was so
+grieved, so pierced to the heart&#8217;s core, that he
+forgot for a while all that he had heard, read,
+or witnessed of woman&#8217;s devout affection, unwearied
+kindness, heroic attachment, and moral
+sublimity. And he thought not of the patience<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span>
+with which woman bears the peevishness of our
+infancy, the selfishness of our riper years, and
+the capricious fretfulness of our declining age.
+He was for a while angry and contemptuous,
+professing to himself an indifference which he
+did not feel, and fancying himself superior to
+that weakness under which he was writhing and
+labouring in bitter agony. Then there was a
+change in the complexion of his thoughts, and
+as the angry passions yielded to the approaching
+drowsiness which health must periodically experience,
+more tender and more gentle thoughts
+subdued him. The eyelids were scarcely closed,
+when imagination threw her rainbow light on past
+days, and there stood before him, not quite in
+a dream, the image of Penelope&mdash;lovely, bright,
+and living. The momentary vision melted him,
+and the effort to retain it banished it. Slowly
+his slumbers crept again upon him, and the
+vision was more distinct, and he could hear
+again that sweet voice with which he had been
+enraptured, and there was in his heart a repeti<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span>tion
+of that swell of feeling with which he had
+years ago taken his leave of her. So passed the
+night.</p>
+
+<p>When morning came again, it found the
+young man unrefreshed and unrested. But in
+the family of the rector of Neverden there was
+great regularity and punctuality. Robert Darnley
+therefore made his appearance at breakfast
+at the usual hour. It was impossible not to
+see that his mind was painfully disturbed, and
+it was also equally impossible not to conjecture
+the cause of its agitation.</p>
+
+<p>A very unpleasant restraint sat upon the whole
+party. Mr Darnley the elder would not speak
+on the subject of his son&#8217;s altered appearance,
+and Mrs Darnley and her daughters were reluctant
+to introduce any mention of the matter,
+unsanctioned by Mr Darnley. The hour of
+breakfast was usually to that family a season
+of social and cheerful talk, but on the present
+occasion there was silence and restraint; and as
+they abstained from addressing themselves to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span>
+Robert, they also abstained from talking to one
+another. When breakfast was over Mr Darnley
+desired his son&#8217;s presence in the study.</p>
+
+<p>Robert Darnley knew he was destined to undergo
+a lecture, and he braced himself up to
+bear it with filial resignation. The young man&#8217;s
+father prided himself on the fluency with which
+he could talk in the way of admonition, and we
+believe that he derived almost as much pleasure
+from these exhibitions as his auditors did profit.
+Sir George Aimwell used to say, that instead of
+sending poachers to gaol, it would be a better
+plan to send them to Mr Darnley to be talked
+to; for the worthy baronet thought that they
+would not readily expose themselves to the risk
+of a second infliction. Those of our readers who
+have never been talked to will not be able to
+sympathize with Robert Darnley; those who
+have, will pity him from the bottom of their
+hearts.</p>
+
+<p>The young man promptly obeyed his father&#8217;s
+commands and delayed not to attend him in the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span>
+study; for he naturally supposed that the sooner
+the lecture began the sooner it would be over.
+The father seated himself and desired his son to
+shut the door and seat himself too. These preliminary
+steps having been taken, and Mr Darnley
+having stirred and arranged the fire so amply
+as to preclude the necessity of any more attention
+to it for some time, thus began:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Robert, my dear boy, I wish to have some
+little talk with you. I have not had much
+opportunity of speaking to you since you came
+home. Now, you know, I can have no other
+object in view than your welfare. I do not
+desire you to follow the advice I may give you,
+unless you are convinced of its propriety. You
+know of course what I am now alluding to&mdash;your
+unhappy attachment to that unfortunate
+young woman, Miss Primrose. For my part, I
+cannot say that I altogether approved of it in
+the first instance; but I said nothing. I knew
+the impetuosity of your character and the obstinacy
+of your disposition, and therefore I con<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span>cluded
+that opposition might do more harm than
+good. I hoped that, in time, your own good
+sense would let you see that it was not a suitable
+connexion for you. I do not say indeed
+that I have ever observed anything absolutely
+improper in the conduct of Miss Primrose; but
+I must be permitted to say, that there was
+too much pride in her manner, considering her
+station and expectations. Of the young woman&#8217;s
+father I knew comparatively nothing, except that
+he had gambled away his property and broken
+his wife&#8217;s heart. Mr Primrose did call here,
+as you know; but I must confess to you I was
+not much pleased with his manners. I was
+under the disagreeable necessity of rebuking
+him for taking the name of the Lord in vain.
+As for the young woman herself, of course you
+must relinquish all thoughts of her after what
+you have heard from Mr Pringle. Now let me
+advise you to banish her from your mind at
+once. I am sorry to see that your thoughts
+are still too much dwelling upon her. You<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span>
+make your mother and your sisters and me very
+uncomfortable by these gloomy looks. Why
+can you not be cheerful as you used to be?
+What have you to regret? You ought rather
+to be grateful that you have been rescued from
+such a marriage, and that it cannot be said that
+the dissolution of the acquaintance arose from
+your own caprice. I think that the young
+woman did not manifest a very great sense of
+propriety when she so readily adopted the profession
+of a public singer. And what would
+the world say, should the report ever get abroad,
+that my son was desirous of marrying a public
+singer? I gave the young woman all the good
+advice I possibly could; but I fear it will be
+of no use to her. There were such very strong
+manifestations of her partiality for that profligate
+young man, Lord Spoonbill, that I am not
+at all surprised at what I hear from Mr Pringle.
+Now all that I can say is, that if after this you
+can retain any regard for Miss Primrose, you do
+not shew yourself a man of sense and prudence.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Here Mr Darnley paused, not because he was
+out of breath, for he spoke very slowly and
+deliberately, but because he thought that he
+had said enough to induce his son to relinquish
+the thought of Penelope, and to make himself
+mightily happy under his disappointment. But
+it certainly is very provoking, after living three
+years or more in expectation of receiving the
+hand and heart of a lovely, amiable, and intelligent
+young lady, to find at last that all this
+bright anticipation is come to nought. It had
+been painful to Robert Darnley that several of
+his later communications had been unanswered;
+but he would not suffer that circumstance
+alone to weigh with him, considering it possible
+that the fault was in the irregular transmission
+of letters. When he came back to England
+and heard that Miss Primrose was in London
+with the Earl of Smatterton&#8217;s family, it
+appeared obvious enough that she had considered
+the correspondence as having ceased.
+But still it was not clear to the young ma<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span>n&#8217;s
+entire satisfaction that this had been a voluntary
+act on the part of Penelope. It was
+possible that his letters might not have reached
+their destination, and that Miss Primrose might
+be regarding him as the faithless one. Such
+was his spirit, that he would not rest under the
+imputation of such conduct, and he resolved
+to take the earliest opportunity of coming to
+an explanation. When, however, in addition to
+all that he had heard from his own family of
+the partiality manifested by Penelope for Lord
+Spoonbill, he heard also the tale told by Zephaniah
+Pringle, he wavered and hesitated. It was
+not probable, he thought, that such rumours
+could be totally unfounded, and it comported
+but too well with what Mr Darnley had already
+said.</p>
+
+<p>The distress of mind which Robert Darnley
+suffered, and that gloominess of look which his
+father reprobated and lectured him upon, did
+not arise so much from the mere loss of
+Penelope, as from the harassing doubts to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span>
+which he was exposed by the conflicting of
+external and internal evidence. It is a painful
+thing to doubt, because it is humiliating, and
+seems to question our discernment. It is also
+very perplexing to the mind when it sees evidence
+enough to prove that which it feels to be
+impossible, or very unlikely. In this dilemma
+Robert Darnley had been placed by what he
+had heard of Penelope Primrose. He knew, or
+at least very firmly believed her to be of decided
+character, good principle and high spirit. He
+felt it impossible that she should love a profligate
+or a blockhead, and he knew Lord Spoonbill
+to be both. But it was very clear that she
+was with Lord Smatterton&#8217;s family, and that
+she had certainly contemplated the public exercise
+of her musical talents.</p>
+
+<p>To his fathers discourse therefore he listened
+with unresisting patience, and only replied when
+it was finished; &#8220;I can only say, sir, that if
+what Mr Pringle has said concerning Miss
+Primrose be true, I have been very much<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span>
+deceived in the estimate which I had formed
+of the young lady&#8217;s mind and character.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly you were,&#8221; replied his father;
+&#8220;you are a young man and have seen but little
+of human nature. You are hasty, very hasty,
+in forming your judgment. You will grow wiser
+as you grow older. Now I was not deceived
+in Miss Primrose. I could see her real character.
+I always thought her very proud and
+vain and conceited. But she laboured under
+great disadvantages in her education. Her uncle
+was a worthy man, but he was a mere scholar,
+by no means a man of the world. And as for
+Mrs Greendale, she is a very weak woman.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Robert Darnley knew his father too well to
+contradict him directly in anything which he
+might be pleased to assert; he therefore only
+ventured in a very circuitous way to insinuate
+the possibility that Mr Zephaniah Pringle might
+be erroneously informed, and that there might
+be some mistake or misapprehension. But the
+worthy rector of Neverden was not able to bear<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span>
+the slightest approach to contradiction or opposition.
+He had lived so long in absolute authority
+in his own house and parish, that he was
+perfectly sincere in believing that he could never
+be wrong and ought never to be contradicted.
+He therefore contributed very considerably to
+shorten the discussion, by saying:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You are of age, and of course may do as you
+please; but, if you will condescend to take my
+advice, you will think no more of Miss Primrose.
+At all events, it is my particular request that I
+may hear no more of her.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>To this the young gentleman bowed respectfully.
+Now it does not appear to us that Mr
+Darnley adopted the best plan in the world to
+set his son&#8217;s heart at rest. Nor did Robert
+Darnley find any great alleviation in what
+his father had been pleased to say concerning
+Penelope&#8217;s actual situation and real character.
+It also occurred to the young gentleman&#8217;s mind,
+that his father had superfluously and unnecessarily
+quoted the fact of Mr Primrose having<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span>
+used irreverent and thoughtless language. It is
+not indeed, generally speaking, advisable to
+bring every possible accusation against an offending
+one; for by so doing we make known
+our own pettishness or malignity quite as much
+as we display the sins of the accused. If Miss
+Primrose had been in other respects a suitable
+wife for Robert Darnley, the fact that her father
+had spoken hastily and unadvisedly, would not
+have rendered her unsuitable. And if the situation
+of Penelope had been such as it had been
+represented by Mr Pringle, then there was quite
+enough to set Robert Darnley&#8217;s mind at rest
+upon the subject, without quoting Mr Primrose&#8217;s
+transgressions.</p>
+
+<p>The disappointed lover had no sooner finished
+the task of hearing his father&#8217;s lecture, than
+he was destined to undergo a gabblement from
+his mother and sisters. Mrs Darnley was a
+worthy good creature as ever lived; but she
+would talk, and that not always consequentially.
+She always however meant well, though she<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span>
+might be clumsy in the manifestation of her
+well-meaning.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, Robert,&#8221;&mdash;thus began Mrs Darnley,&mdash;&#8220;and
+so your father has been talking to you
+about poor Penelope Primrose. What a pity it
+is that such a nice young woman should turn
+out so. I really could hardly believe my senses
+when I first heard of it. Dear me, what a
+favorite she used to be here; your father used
+to think so highly of her.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I can&#8217;t say that I thought so very highly of
+her,&#8221; interrupted Miss Mary Darnley; &#8220;she was
+a great deal too haughty for my liking. Of
+course we were civil to her for Robert&#8217;s sake.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Miss Mary was rude in thus interrupting her
+mother, but it was the general practice with the
+young ladies, and Mrs Darnley was so much
+in the habit of being interrupted, that she always
+expected it, and kept talking on till some one
+else of the party began. Now this remark of
+Miss Mary might be founded on truth, or it
+might be merely the result of an angry imagi<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span>nation.
+For there is in the human mind such
+a reluctance to acknowledge an error in judgment,
+that even when we have been really and
+palpably deceived in a human character, we
+generally find out or persuade ourselves that
+we &#8220;prophesied so,&#8221; though we never told any
+body.</p>
+
+<p>The eldest Miss Darnley, however, had more
+candour. It was her opinion that, though Miss
+Primrose had not behaved exactly as she ought
+to do, yet she had too high a sense of propriety
+and decorum ever to transgress as was represented
+by Mr Pringle.</p>
+
+<p>In this annunciation of opinions it was but
+right and regular that the youngest should speak
+in her turn; and notwithstanding the apparent
+deference which she had seemed on the previous
+day to yield to the oracular language of Zephaniah
+Pringle the critic, she said:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;I wonder who told Mr Pringle? I dare say
+Miss Primrose did not, and I should not think
+it likely that Lord Spoonbill did.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh dear,&#8221; replied Mary, &#8220;I dare say it is
+the general talk in London, and everbody knows
+it by this time.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh dear,&#8221; retorted Martha, &#8220;I dare say
+you know a great deal about London.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I know a great deal more about it than you
+do, Martha; I was there with papa nearly two
+months when we had lodgings in Wigmore
+street.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Martha was inclined to be pert, and Mary to
+be pettish, and the two sisters would very
+likely have enjoyed a skirmish of tongues, had
+they not been stopped by the good humour of
+their brother, who was very happy to divert
+their tongues and thoughts to other topics.
+Robert Darnley therefore made an effort to suppress
+unpleasant feelings, and directed the conversation
+to affairs of a different description;
+and he amused his mother and sisters with
+anecdotes and narratives descriptive of the
+country from which he had recently arrived.</p>
+
+<p>In assuming this composure, Robert Darnley<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span>
+was not a little aided by the suggestion thrown
+out by Martha. And he began to think it very
+possible that Mr Zephaniah Pringle might have
+been misinformed. He might have had wit
+enough to form that conjecture without the
+assistance of his youngest sister; but he was
+too much agitated to think calmly on the
+subject.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">The</span> preceding chapters, relative to affairs at
+Neverden, were rendered indispensable by the
+necessity under which we were placed to account
+for the non-appearance of Robert Darnley
+in London, to clear up the mystery and explain
+the cause of the interrupted correspondence.
+We are now most happy to revert to that part
+of our narrative which more immediately and
+directly concerns Penelope Primrose and her
+father. For this purpose therefore our history
+goes back a few days.</p>
+
+<p>After the first passionate agitation of meeting
+had subsided, and Penelope was able to
+speak collectedly, and Mr Primrose was patient<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span>
+enough to listen to two successive sentences,
+the young lady explained to her father the situation
+in which she had been placed by the
+sudden decease of her uncle, and spoke of the
+kindness which she had experienced from the
+Earl and Countess of Smatterton, adding, that
+they had been so kind as to propose giving her
+the opportunity of meeting her father in London.
+She then informed her father that Lord Spoonbill
+was in the house, and would be happy to
+see him.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose was too happy at the meeting
+with his daughter to think anything of the
+awkward stories which he had heard of the
+young gentleman&#8217;s irregularities. He therefore
+expressed himself pleased with an opportunity
+of making his acknowledgments to any part of
+the family. The young lord therefore soon made
+his appearance. And such was the frank, gentlemanly
+aspect and bearing of Mr Primrose,
+that his lordship was quite delighted with him,
+and said with great sincerity much which he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span>
+would otherwise have said with polite formality
+and hypocrisy.</p>
+
+<p>Penelope exercised a considerable degree of
+self-command in introducing Lord Spoonbill so
+composedly to her father. And happy was it
+at this moment for Mr Primrose, that such was
+his cheerfulness and hilarity of feeling, that he
+was only sensible to that which was pleasant
+and agreeable.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My Lord Spoonbill,&#8221; said he with one
+of his politest bows, and with the most agreeable
+intonation of voice that he could command,
+&#8220;I thank you most sincerely, and I beg
+that you will convey my most cordial and respectful
+thanks to the Earl and Countess of
+Smatterton for their kind and generous attention
+to my dear child.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Even with similar politeness did Lord Spoonbill
+profess how truly happy the Earl and Countess
+had been in affording any accommodation
+to the neice of their late esteemed friend, the
+respected rector of Smatterton. By making men<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span>tion
+of that good man, Lord Spoonbill brought
+tears into the eyes of Mr Primrose, who mournfully
+shook his head and replied:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ah, my lord, he was indeed a good man.
+I lament the loss of him most sincerely. So
+much kind feeling, blended with such strict integrity,
+and so high a degree of moral purity, I
+never have witnessed in any other. I have seen
+strictness of principle with severity of manners,
+and I have witnessed kindness of heart with
+moral carelessness; but the late Dr Greendale
+had the most finely attempered mind of any
+man I ever knew. He did, or desired to do,
+good to everybody, and that must have been
+a hard heart which he could not soften.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It was well for Lord Spoonbill at this moment
+that he was not of so susceptible a temperament
+as Mr Primrose, or the remark last recorded
+would have distressed him. It was in another
+point of view ill for his lordship that he had
+not a little more sensibility, for if he had he
+might have been moved to contrition and re<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span>flection.
+His lordship very courteously assented
+to every compliment which Mr Primrose felt
+disposed to pay to the late Dr Greendale. And
+presently his lordship directed the talk to other
+matters; for though he had not sensibility to
+be moved, yet he had enough of that kind
+of feeling which rendered him awkward under
+reflections and recollections. The hereditary
+legislator was also especially desirous of knowing
+what was to be the immediate destination
+of Miss Primrose and her father; but found,
+after a long conversation and many indirect
+hints, that no arrangement of any determinate
+nature had entered the mind of Mr Primrose,
+who probably thought, that for the night ensuing,
+he might take up his abode at the town residence
+of Lord Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>At length, Lord Spoonbill, finding that it
+became time for him to return to dinner, and
+knowing that it would not be very agreeable
+to the Countess to take back with him father
+and daughter too, and suspecting also very<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span>
+strongly and very naturally that the two were
+not likely to be separated, began to make something
+like an apology to Mr Primrose for having
+brought him to an empty house, and offered
+such accommodation as the house might afford,
+expressing his great regret that he himself was
+under the necessity of returning to Lord Smatterton&#8217;s
+suburban villa.</p>
+
+<p>These explanations and apologies roused Mr
+Primrose to his recollection, and he presently
+and promptly declined availing himself of his
+lordship&#8217;s kind offer, and expressed his intention
+of taking up his abode at a hotel, which
+he named.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill was satisfied. He now knew
+where to find Mr Primrose again; and so long
+as he was not at a loss where to seek Penelope,
+his lordship readily took his leave, with a promise
+that he would very shortly pay his respects
+again to his good friends.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose and his daughter then went to
+their hotel, and the overjoyed parent endeavoured<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span>
+to compose himself for the sobriety of narrative
+and interrogation. Many questions were asked,
+and multitudinous digressions and recommencements
+and interruptions rendered their discourse
+rather less instructive than entertaining.
+The father of Penelope walked restlessly about
+the room, and ever and anon would he stop and
+look with an indescribable earnestness on the
+face of his child, as if to fill his mind&#8217;s eye
+with her image, or to endeavour to trace her
+likeness to her departed mother. And from
+these momentary absorptions he would start into
+recollection, and utter such thrilling expressions
+of delight, that his poor child feared that the
+joy would be too much for him.</p>
+
+<p>Some of the human species have suffered more
+from joy than from sorrow. Ecstacy has lifted
+the mind to that height and giddiness as to
+destroy its self-command, and to precipitate it
+into the depths and darkness of idiocy. Penelope
+entertained a fear of this kind for her
+father. For she had not been accustomed to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span>
+witness or yield to any very strong emotions.
+Her uncle, with whom she had lived, had been
+a very quiet man; and, in his studious retirement,
+life had passed smoothly and placidly as
+the waveless current of a subterranean stream.
+Mrs Greendale had experienced and manifested
+occasional ebullitions, but they were merely culinary,
+domestic, common-place, and transitory. As
+for herself, poor girl, deep as her feelings might
+have been, and strongly, as in various instances,
+she might have been moved, these emotions were
+solitary and soon suppressed.</p>
+
+<p>When therefore she saw her father in this state
+of agitation, much of her own joy was abated in
+thoughts and fears for him. But in time the
+violence of the emotion abated, and the father
+and daughter sat down together to dinner. This
+was a relief to them both. When the cloth was
+removed, Mr Primrose then bethought himself
+of Robert Darnley. Drawing closer to the fire,
+he said to Penelope; &#8220;Well, but, my dear child,
+I have not yet said a word about an old ac<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span>quaintance
+of yours, whom report says you have
+not used handsomely. But I don&#8217;t mind what
+report says. Have you quite forgot your old
+neighbour Robert Darnley?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Penelope sighed and shook her head, and
+replied, &#8220;Oh, no, my dear father; I have not
+forgotten him.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Then why did you not answer his letters?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I answered his letters, but he did not answer
+mine.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What!&#8221; exclaimed Mr Primrose;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span> &#8220;do you
+say that he was the person who dropped the
+correspondence? You are wrong, my dear, you
+are wrong. Ay, ay, I see how it is&mdash;some letters
+have not been delivered. It is all a misunderstanding;
+but it will soon be set right. I have
+seen the young man. He is now at Neverden;
+and he tells me that you have not answered his
+letters. But we shall soon see him in town.
+He would have come with me, but he must
+needs stay to eat his Christmas dinner at the
+parsonage, just to please the old folks. That
+of course is right; and if children did but
+know how easily parents are pleased, and how
+happy they are when their children please them,
+there would not be so many undutiful children
+in the world.&mdash;And so, my dear Penelope, it is
+all a mere invention that you are attached to
+Lord Spoonbill?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Recollecting what had that morning taken
+place, and from that also calling to mind what
+before she had not noticed, and what without
+that event she would have forgotten; thinking
+again how assiduously and politely attentive
+Lord Spoonbill had behaved towards her, she
+began to think that his lordship&#8217;s attentive behaviour
+had been seen and noticed by others
+when it had not been obvious to herself. And
+these thoughts confused and perplexed her.
+Therefore she did not immediately reply to her
+father&#8217;s interrogation. Her silence was observed
+by her anxious parent, and he hastily said:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;What then, is it true? But it is a great
+pity. Robert Darnley is a fine spirited young
+man; and I am sure he did not design to drop
+the correspondence. Well, well; you are like
+your father, you are very hasty. But never
+mind, it cannot be helped now. And what will
+you say to poor Darnley when he sees you
+again; for I fully expect him up in town as soon
+as Christmas is well over? I dare say he will
+be here in a week, or a little more. I told him
+that he would find us at this hotel. And has
+Lord Spoonbill really made proposals to you?
+And have you accepted his offer?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The discovery which this talk of her father
+opened to the mind of Penelope moved her with
+feelings not describable. There was powerful
+and oppressive agitation, but whether painful or
+pleasurable she scarcely knew. Her heart was
+too full to speak, and her thoughts too hurried
+for utterance. The colour was in her cheeks,
+and the tears were silently falling, and presently
+the quick glancing eye of her father caught the
+expression of concern and deep feeling, and his
+impetuosity misinterpreted the emotion. With<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span>
+rapidity of utterance, and with kind tenderness
+of tone, he exclaimed, grasping her hand:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nay, nay, my dear Penelope, do not be so
+afflicted. You misunderstand me, indeed you
+do. I am not angry with you. If you are
+really attached to Lord Spoonbill, and if he has
+a regard for you, I would not for the world
+oppose your inclinations. If you are happy, I
+shall be so. I know comparatively very little
+of Robert Darnley. As to what I saw of his
+father, I certainly thought not favourably. The
+young man appeared not so proud and formal
+as the old gentleman. But Lord Spoonbill may
+be a very excellent man, and I am sure he would
+not be your choice if he were not so. I dare
+say that all these stories I have heard of his
+profligacies are not true.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Hereat the young lady started; and she thought
+that she had some faint recollection of having
+heard some obscure hints on that subject; for
+these matters are not made the topic of explicit
+discourse in the presence of young ladies. And<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span>
+with this impression she hastened to undeceive
+her father as to the state of her affections, protesting
+very calmly and deliberately that there
+had not been any transfer of her attachment to
+Lord Spoonbill from Robert Darnley. And, as
+connectedly and circumstantially as she was able,
+she narrated the history of her life, from the
+decease of her worthy uncle to the moment of
+her meeting with her father.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose made his observations on these
+events, and expressed himself delighted in having
+arrived in England time enough to prevent
+his daughter from publicly exhibiting her musical
+talents. Now, in the course of Penelope&#8217;s
+narrative, mention had not been made, nor did
+it seem necessary to state the fact, of Lord
+Spoonbill&#8217;s declaration of devotedness, which his
+lordship had made that very morning. It was
+therefore unfortunate, though of no great consequence,
+that when the poor <ins title="original: gird">girl</ins> had finished
+her story, Mr Primrose said:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;And so then after all Lord Spoonbill has
+not said a word to you on the subject of attachment?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It became necessary then to acknowledge what
+had passed in the morning; and the reluctance
+with which the acknowledgment was made very
+naturally excited some slight suspicion in the
+breast of Mr Primrose, that there was something
+more serious than had been acknowledged. A
+satisfactory explanation however was made, and
+all was right again.</p>
+
+<p>This trifling incident would not have been
+mentioned, but for the illustration which it
+affords of the value of explicitness and candour,
+and for the proof which it presents that the
+purest and most upright mind may, from a false
+delicacy, involve itself in serious perplexity.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">At</span> the hotel where Mr Primrose had taken up
+his residence, he remained with his daughter for
+two or three weeks. Penelope and her father
+were during this time in daily expectation of
+seeing or hearing from Robert Darnley, but
+there came no letter, there came no visitor.
+Mr Primrose grew impatient, and talked to his
+daughter about writing. That Penelope should
+write was quite out of the question, nor could
+the young lady bring herself readily to allow
+her father to write.</p>
+
+<p>They both agreed that, if the young man was
+still seriously attached, he would find some way
+of communicating with them now all parties
+were together in England. And so he certainly<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span>
+would have done, had it not been for the false
+report carried to Neverden by the loyal and
+religious Zephaniah Pringle, and corroborated
+by the almost unanimous and universal talk of
+the people of that village. Influenced by this
+tale, he remained at Neverden spending day after
+day in most clumsily doing nothing at all. His
+father talked to him, his mother talked to him,
+and his sisters talked to him, but all their talk
+amounted to nothing. Disappointed affection is
+a painful feeling, and talking cannot heal it;
+nor was it ever known in the course of human
+experience, that calling a man a fool has been
+the means of making him wise.</p>
+
+<p>Whatever were the feelings of Robert Darnley
+on this sad blight of his fair hopes, he was wise
+enough to keep them to himself; he was indeed
+dull and listless, but he did not annoy others
+any farther than thus negatively. On the other
+hand, the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill had
+no sooner accomplished the mighty feat of telling
+Miss Primrose how devoted he was to her, than<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[115]</a></span>
+he must needs again invade the luxurious and
+lounging solitude of his friend Erpingham in
+order again to talk over the subject. His lordship
+did not indeed on the very day after, but
+at as short an interval as possible consistent
+with other engagements, call upon his luxurious
+friend to enjoy the pleasure of talking about
+Miss Primrose.</p>
+
+<p>Now Erpingham, as we have already intimated,
+was by no means a simpleton. He had
+wisdom enough to see through Lord Spoonbill,
+though his lordship was not always able to comprehend
+the logic of his old college companion.
+There is at Cambridge, as everybody knows, a
+species of animal called a tuft-hunter, that is, a
+plebeian man, who, for pence or pride, cultivates
+an acquaintance with the young green shoots
+of nobility that are sent to that place to learn
+horse-racing, card-playing, and mathematics, in
+order to make laws to preserve game and keep
+up the dignity of hereditary legislators. Now
+Erpingham was not one of that description.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[116]</a></span>
+But there are, among the unfledged lordlings
+who honor that town and university with their
+superfine presence, some few individuals who,
+in order to enjoy a stronger sense and feeling of
+their own noble rank and exalted condition, seek
+for acquaintance among the untitled. Of this
+class was Lord Spoonbill, and his acquaintance
+thus and there formed, was Mr Erpingham.</p>
+
+<p>To seek an acquaintance with any individual
+is generally felt, whether it be so considered
+or not, as an act of humiliation. It is at all
+events a homage paid to the acquaintance thus
+sought. He that voluntarily seeks after another,
+involuntarily pays that other a compliment. And
+frequently that compliment is taken by those
+who receive it for more than it is really worth.
+By this circumstance therefore that the acquaintance
+with Erpingham had been of Lord Spoonbill&#8217;s
+own seeking, the former did not quite so
+highly value and honor the young legislator as
+otherwise he might have done. And when once
+we can thoroughly and heartily take it into our<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[117]</a></span>
+heads that any man is a fool, it is no difficult
+matter to convince ourselves that he really is so.
+Plenty of illustrations are always at hand, if we
+be intimate with the person in question.</p>
+
+<p>Now, in spite of all the reverence which Mr
+Erpingham felt for high rank, he could not help
+thinking that his lordship was no conjuror.
+Indeed it is no more to be wished than it is to be
+expected that the House of Lords should be all
+conjurors. As therefore Mr Erpingham thought
+but indifferently of the understanding of his
+right honorable friend, it is not to be wondered
+at that Lord Spoonbill should not always be
+treated with the most profound respect. At
+Cambridge, indeed, Erpingham thought it something
+of an honor to be acquainted with a nobleman;
+but by degrees, and especially after
+leaving the university, the gentleman thought
+otherwise, and diminished much of the homage
+which he had formerly paid to that right honorable
+hereditary pillar of the Protestant succession.</p>
+
+<p>When therefore Lord Spoonbill made his ap<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[118]</a></span>pearance
+again, and threatened a tedious lack-a-daisical
+prating about love, Mr Erpingham
+almost laughed at him.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, Spoonbill,&#8221; said the Epicurean, &#8220;and
+so you are coming to report progress. And what
+says this paragon of wit and beauty? I suppose
+you have made your arrangements: and am I to
+be honored by an introduction?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill shook his head, and went on
+tediously to relate all the particulars of the
+journey to London and the introduction to Mr
+Primrose. To all this Mr Erpingham listened
+very attentively; and, when the narrative was
+concluded, he drawled out, &#8220;Well, Spoonbill,
+and what then?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>To that question the hereditary legislator made
+no direct or intelligible reply. His friend therefore
+repeated his question, adding:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[119]</a></span> &#8220;Were you
+content with making a mere sentimental speech
+about your devotion to this young lady? And
+did not you give the slightest intimation of your
+designs?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;How could I,&#8221; replied his lordship, &#8220;under
+these circumstances?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Then I will tell you, my good friend, that I
+have done more for you than you have done for
+yourself.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill started and stared, and exclaimed:
+&#8220;Erpingham! what do you mean?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I mean what I say. Do you know Zephaniah
+Pringle, a literary prig, with whose vanity
+I sometimes amuse myself?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly I do,&#8221; replied his lordship; &#8220;but
+what can he have to do with this matter?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A great deal,&#8221; replied Erpingham; &#8220;he is,
+as I suppose you know, an impertinent chatter-box,
+and whatever is trusted to him as a profound
+secret is sure to be known to all the world; so
+I communicated to him that Miss Primrose was
+in the high road to be placed under the protection
+of the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, and
+by this time Smatterton and its adjoining village
+is already in possession of the important secret.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>On hearing this, Lord Spoonbill started, as if<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[120]</a></span>
+with a strong sense of moral indignation, and exclaimed:
+&#8220;Erpingham, are you mad? What
+could you mean by circulating such a report?
+Suppose I should intend to marry Miss Primrose!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, then you are less likely to have a
+rival.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Although Lord Spoonbill was quite as profligate
+and unprincipled as Mr Erpingham, yet
+as his profligacy and want of principle were
+not managed and directed precisely after the
+model of the same vices in the conduct of his
+friend, his lordship took credit to himself that
+he could enjoy the pleasure of reproving the
+vicious principles of this Epicurean. But though
+he expressed a feeling of indignation at the cool,
+deliberate viciousness of this son of luxury and
+sensuality, he felt no little satisfaction in the
+thought that this report must infallibly reach
+the ears of Mr Robert Darnley, and thus prevent
+any further attempt on his part to renew the
+acquaintance with Penelope.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[121]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It may seem rather strange to some part of
+our readers, that a man who could descend to the
+meanness of intercepting letters, should lift up
+his voice and turn up his eyes at the sin of circulating
+false reports touching the character and
+situation of a young woman, and that this same
+man should deliberately meditate on schemes for
+placing that young woman in that situation
+which he professed to think so degrading. But
+there is a wonderful difference in the apprehension
+which men entertain of the same vices under
+different circumstances. There is also observable
+in the feelings of Lord Spoonbill, on the
+present occasion, the readiness and satisfaction
+with which a man will cheerfully avail himself
+of the benefits derivable from the vicious or unprincipled
+conduct of others.</p>
+
+<p>The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill seemed
+to think that his friend Erpingham had behaved
+very unhandsomely and disrespectfully to Penelope
+by causing such a rumour to get into cir<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[122]</a></span>culation;
+but, when it occurred to him that some
+advantage might be taken of the said rumour,
+his indignation was abated, and all his reproof
+was softened down into merely saying:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Really, Erpingham, you are too bad.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Everybody who is worse than ourselves is too
+bad; everybody, whose vices differ from ours,
+is too bad. Lord Spoonbill was selfish, sensual,
+and unprincipled; but he endeavoured to conceal
+his character, and, from attempting to deceive
+others, had come at last to deceive himself;
+and he really did flatter himself that there was
+some good in his character, and some good feelings
+in his heart. But Erpingham, on the other
+hand, did not play the hypocrite either to himself
+or to others; he was definite and decided,
+and he took to himself some little credit for the
+unblushing honesty of his conduct and character.
+He smiled contemptuously at the meanness and
+littleness of his friend Spoonbill&#8217;s vices; but
+this meanness was essential to the very exist<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[123]</a></span>ence
+of his vices, he would have been frightened
+at himself had he seen his own moral features
+without a mask.</p>
+
+<p>There was this difference in the character of
+these two friends, that had Erpingham had the
+same object in view as Lord Spoonbill, he would
+have pursued it unblushingly, unhesitatingly, and
+without remorse. He would have intercepted
+letters, but he would not have shuddered when
+he had them in his possession; nor would he
+have hesitated to open them, if that would have
+forwarded his schemes. There would have been
+no demur or doubt, but everything would have
+been rendered subservient to his villanous purposes.
+But Lord Spoonbill was not so straitforward
+in his roguery, he was a more pusillanimous
+profligate. The difference between the
+two is, that Erpingham was an object of indignation,
+and Lord Spoonbill of contempt.</p>
+
+<p>Seeing therefore how matters now stood, the
+Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill thought that he
+might as well pursue his first object with regard<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[124]</a></span>
+to Penelope, and not, at least for the present,
+think or say a word concerning marriage. And
+it was a great consolation to him in the course
+of his meditations to think how much more unprincipled
+Erpingham was than he.</p>
+
+<p>From a long, and to the Epicurean a wearying
+discussion, Lord Spoonbill returned to his home;
+and on his return he found that the Countess
+was quite angry, and that her patience was exhausted
+in waiting for Penelope&#8217;s return. The
+young lady had indeed mentioned the subject to
+her father, but he did not think any further
+acknowledgments necessary than he had already
+personally made to the heir of the house of
+Smatterton. Nor could Mr Primrose persuade
+himself that any very high tribute of gratitude
+was due for that species of patronage which the
+Countess of Smatterton had proposed for his
+daughter. It was his feeling, that her ladyship
+had in view her own gratification quite as much
+as the welfare of Penelope.</p>
+
+<p>When therefore Lord Spoonbill found that the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[125]</a></span>
+Countess was still expecting either the return of
+Miss Primrose, or some grateful intimation that
+the proffered patronage was declined, he thought
+it an excellent opportunity to propose a call on
+Mr Primrose; and, after some of the usual prate
+about condescension and dignity, the young lord,
+on the following morning, rode up to town.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[126]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">When</span> a lady finds herself a second time alone
+with a gentleman who has once addressed her
+on an interesting topic, but whose address has
+not been altogether pleasant and agreeable, the
+lady&#8217;s situation is by no means enviable. It is
+more distressing still when, in the recollection of
+the young lady, there are yet lingering the faint
+relics of brighter and better hopes.</p>
+
+<p>This was the situation of Penelope when Lord
+Spoonbill called upon her. Mr Primrose was
+not within: business demanded his attention in
+the City, and there he was likely to be detained
+some hours. The young lord, with well feigned
+seriousness, expressed his regret that he should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[127]</a></span>
+be so unfortunate as not to meet with Mr Primrose,
+and he added that he would call again if
+Mr Primrose was likely soon to return. When
+however he heard that Penelope did not expect
+her father till dinner-time, he was more pleased
+with the information than he professed to be.
+Miss Primrose very respectfully enquired after
+the Earl and Countess of Smatterton; and, in
+replying to those enquiries, Lord Spoonbill took
+the opportunity of hinting that her ladyship
+felt somewhat anxious to know whether the
+return of Mr Primrose to England had induced
+Penelope to relinquish the thought of that profession
+which she had recently contemplated,
+and for which immediate preparation became
+otherwise necessary and important.</p>
+
+<p>In reply to this enquiry, Penelope informed his
+lordship that her father had expressed himself
+decidedly of opinion that such pursuit would
+not be agreeable to himself or necessary for his
+daughter. Lord Spoonbill cared little for the
+disappointment, except that it would be in the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[128]</a></span>
+way of his schemes, and render the arrangement
+which he meditated rather more difficult of execution.
+So far as expectation was concerned,
+he was prepared for this event; but he was not
+prepared with any plan that he might immediately
+pursue.</p>
+
+<p>After the common-place talk was finished,
+his lordship thought that he ought to take his
+leave; but he was reluctant to go, and he did
+not know how to stay. Penelope also wished
+him gone, for she was afraid of a renewal of an
+unpleasant topic. The young lady also took no
+particular pains to conceal that wish, and his lordship
+was not quite so flat as not to discern that
+his presence was not very acceptable. In truth,
+his situation was grievously perplexing, and a
+wiser man than he would have been at a loss in
+such circumstances how to act. It was clear
+to him that Penelope had not quite forgotten
+Robert Darnley; it was also obvious that Lord
+Spoonbill was not yet essential to the happiness
+of Miss Primrose; he most earnestly desired<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[129]</a></span>
+to render himself agreeable to Miss Primrose,
+and he very well knew that nothing could be
+more agreeable than that he should take his
+leave; but that would not have been agreeable
+to himself; and greatly as he desired to do anything
+that might recommend him to the approbation
+of Miss Primrose, he was equally desirous
+of avoiding anything that might be disagreeable
+or unpleasant to himself.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill is not to be regarded in this
+instance as differing so very widely from the
+rest of the world. Other lovers frequently have
+the same ideas on the subject of the mutual
+accommodation of themselves and their adored
+ones. And if, after this observation, any individual
+of the gentler sex should be deceived
+by professions and protestations of disinterestedness,
+the fault will be hers and not ours.</p>
+
+<p>In this embarrassing situation in which Lord
+Spoonbill was placed, it occurred to his most
+fertile imagination that it might greatly forward
+his designs upon Penelope, if, by any means,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[130]</a></span>
+he could contrive to bring the young lady to
+think unhandsomely of Robert Darnley. It
+certainly would not do for his lordship to make
+any direct allusion to this young gentleman;
+for it was hardly supposed by Miss Primrose
+that there existed in the mind of his lordship
+any knowledge of the acquaintance between
+her and the son of the rector of Neverden;
+and such was his lordship&#8217;s clumsiness in the
+management of his irregularities, that he was
+even fearful of the most indirect allusion to
+Robert Darnley, lest, in making that allusion,
+he might betray himself.</p>
+
+<p>At length it came into his lordship&#8217;s most
+sagacious head that, although it might be
+hazardous to make any allusion to Neverden,
+there could not be much risk incurred by enquiring
+after Mrs Greendale, therefore he ventured
+to ask, as if for want of something else
+to say, if Miss Primrose had lately heard from
+Smatterton, and in making this enquiry he endeavoured
+to watch the countenance of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[131]</a></span>
+young lady most narrowly, in order to observe
+whether the mention of Smatterton produced
+any deep emotion as connected with Neverden.
+Penelope answered with perfect composure, and
+informed the hereditary legislator that Mrs Greendale
+had not written to her since her departure
+from Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>After mentioning Mrs Greendale, his lordship
+proceeded to some more common talk, merely
+and obviously to delay his departure; and he
+manifested in this kind of talk that he had a
+great wish to recur to that topic which he had
+introduced on the morning of Mr Primrose&#8217;s
+meeting with his daughter. But if it was evident
+to Penelope that such was his lordship&#8217;s
+wish, it was quite as evident to his lordship that
+the young lady was equally uneasy under the
+apprehension, and dreaded the repetition of a
+discussion which at its first introduction had so
+distressed her thoughts.</p>
+
+<p>And now it would have been absolutely and
+uncontrollably necessary for Lord Spoonbill to
+take his leave, and he must have taken his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[132]</a></span>
+leave, not knowing when or how he might find
+Penelope again, had it not been for one of those
+unexpected and extraordinary accidents which
+often change the aspect of a whole life. This
+accident was neither more nor less than the
+sudden return of Mr Primrose to his hotel.</p>
+
+<p>By the expression of Mr Primrose&#8217;s countenance,
+which seldom indeed concealed or belied
+the emotions of his mind, it was visible that
+some calamity had befallen him, or at least that
+something had occurred to discompose him. It
+might not be anything very serious; Penelope
+hoped it was not; for, during the short time
+that she had been with her father she had had
+abundant occasion of observing that such was the
+susceptibility of his feelings, that the expressions
+of joy and sorrow were soon excited, and that
+by a very slight and trifling occurrence.</p>
+
+<p>But it was soon manifest that it was no trivial
+circumstance that oppressed the spirits of her
+father in the present instance. When he entered
+the apartment he scarcely noticed his
+daughter or Lord Spoonbill. He took the former<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[133]</a></span>
+by the hand, and to the latter he slightly bowed;
+and this was his only recognition of them, for
+he did not open his lips, and he scarcely directed
+his looks towards them. His lips were closely
+compressed, as if he feared that by opening
+them he should betray or give way to stronger
+expressions of grief than might well become
+him. He sat himself down upon a chair and
+looked listlessly out into the street, moving
+neither feature nor muscle, except that the vibration
+of his eyelids was more rapid than usual.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill was now at a loss whether to
+offer his sympathy or to take his departure. He
+could not, with any great propriety, leave the
+room without taking some notice of Mr Primrose;
+but such was the expression of the poor
+man&#8217;s countenance, that it seemed that merely
+to speak to him in the most common-place
+manner imaginable would be to distress his
+feelings, and to burst open that flood of grief
+which he seemed to endeavour to restrain. Directing
+therefore an enquiring look to Penelope,
+and again turning towards Mr Primrose, his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[134]</a></span>
+lordship, by these looks and the movements which
+accompanied them, intimated an intention of
+departing, if his presence were a restraint.
+Seeing that Mr Primrose kept his position, and
+that no change was made in his features, his
+lordship was just whispering to Penelope that
+he was sorry to see her father under such depression,
+and that it might be agreeable that he
+should leave them, Mr Primrose hastily started
+up and said;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I beg your pardon, Lord Spoonbill, for my
+rudeness, but I have met with a shock this
+morning that has completely subdued me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>At this speech, Penelope caught her father&#8217;s
+hand with tender eagerness, and asked, as well
+as her feelings would allow, what was the nature
+of the misfortune that he had met with. Most
+tenderly, and with a tone which reached even
+the heart of Lord Spoonbill, Mr Primrose said;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My dear, dear child, you are a dependent
+again, and God knows how soon you may be an
+orphan indeed.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Before Penelope could speak, and indeed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[135]</a></span>
+before she well comprehended her father&#8217;s
+meaning, the distressed man directed his speech
+to Lord Spoonbill, saying;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Could you believe it possible, my lord, that
+such deliberate villains should exist in a Christian
+country, as to take from a man the little
+property which he had been toiling for years to
+accumulate, to take what they knew they never
+could restore. Those villains suffered me, but
+ten days ago, to deposit my all in their hands,
+and now they have stopped payment; and from
+all that I can hear in the City, I am not likely
+to receive above one shilling in the pound, and
+I may wait months, or perhaps years, for that.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It may be in the recollection of the reader, that
+Lord Spoonbill was described in an early part
+of this narrative as being unduly and indecently
+pleased to hear of the illness of Dr Greendale,
+as exulting in the thought that the decease of
+that worthy, kind-hearted man would afford his
+lordship a more convenient opportunity of pursuing
+his schemes against the peace and inno<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[136]</a></span>cence
+of Penelope Primrose. It will not therefore
+appear very surprizing if that same hereditary
+legislator should regard the present calamity
+of Mr Primrose as an agreeable circumstance to
+himself, and as greatly favouring his designs.
+There was however, in the contemplation of this
+misfortune of the father of Penelope, a desire
+also on the part of his lordship to contribute
+towards its alleviation. Lord Spoonbill was a
+profligate, and he was a mean, contemptible
+fellow; but he was not a devil incarnate, delighting
+in mischief or wickedness purely for its
+own sake. He wished Mr Primrose no ill, he
+had no desire to inflict any injuries or to give
+pain to any one, but he loved himself, and he
+pursued his own plans for his own pleasure, and
+he was pleased with whatever gave him promise
+or hope of success, even though that very circumstance
+should be the death or injury of another.</p>
+
+<p>Seeing, therefore, that in the present circumstances
+there was something which afforded him
+promise, he was pleased, and being pleased he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[137]</a></span>
+very kindly sympathised with Mr Primrose, and
+expressed a wish that matters might not be quite
+so bad as was expected.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose took his lordship&#8217;s sympathy
+very kindly, and his mind was soothed by it; and
+with rather more self-possession than might have
+been expected, he replied; &#8220;For myself, I care
+but little; but it is mortifying, after so long an
+absence from my native land, and after so much
+toil and perseverance for the sake of my own
+and only child, to find that all the fruit of that
+toil is swept away at once.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Penelope, who had been overwhelmed by the
+suddenness of the intelligence, had scarcely
+spoken; but now assuming with great success
+a calmness and resolvedness of manner, said to
+her father:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[138]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;If that be all the calamity, my dear father,
+it is easily remedied. The Countess of Smatterton
+has been kind enough to promise me
+her high patronage, and to facilitate my efforts
+towards providing an independency, and Lord
+Spoonbill has but this moment, just before you
+returned, been enquiring whether or not I design
+to continue my preparation for that pursuit.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No, no, my Penelope, that is an occupation
+which I am sure can never suit your taste. I
+will not on any account consent to that. How
+can I bear to think of my own child exerting
+and wasting her strength to amuse the public,
+and to see her standing before a promiscuous
+and unfeeling multitude, exposed to the rudeness
+and insolence of loudly expressed disapprobation
+and extempore criticism?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nay, my good sir,&#8221; said Lord Spoonbill in
+his pleasantest manner; &#8220;there is no danger, and
+there need be no fear, that Miss Primrose will
+ever incur disapprobation; whatever loud expressions
+there may be, will be expressions of
+applause and delight.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And that,&#8221; rejoined Mr Primrose,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[139]</a></span> &#8220;is almost
+as bad. To stand up before a multitude and
+beg for their applause, even if the applause be
+gained, is to my feelings humiliating. To a female
+it is more painful still. I cannot brook the idea
+of being dependent on a multitude, a capricious
+mass of, perhaps, gross and indiscriminating individuals.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill was so much delighted with
+the probability of Miss Primrose&#8217;s return to the
+condescending and discriminating patronage of
+the Countess of Smatterton, that the anticipation
+made him more than usually eloquent and
+logical; and there was something also in the
+manner of Mr Primrose that excited the hereditary
+legislator to use his utmost powers of
+persuasion. He therefore thus pursued the subject:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[140]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;But, sir, it is not merely in that profession
+which Miss Primrose contemplates, that the
+public takes the liberty of expressing its opinion.
+The highest personage in the kingdom is
+not exempt from expressions of public censure
+or public applause; and when a nobleman in
+the House of Peers, or a gentleman in the House
+of Commons, rises and expresses his sentiments
+on any question of policy, the public takes the
+liberty to express, and sometimes very loudly
+and rudely, an opinion of the merits or demerits
+of such speech.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, my lord, you are talking very plausibly;
+but you must feel that there is a wide
+difference between the two cases. You cannot by
+such arguments cheat me out of my feelings.
+I thought it a calamity when I heard that my
+child meditated that profession, and I was delighted
+that it was in my power to save her from
+such a painful publicity.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It was not perhaps quite consistent with the
+strictest veracity when Penelope, interrupting her
+father, said: &#8220;Indeed, my dear father, you quite
+misunderstand me, if you think that I should feel
+any unpleasant sensations in that publicity.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose saw clearly enough the motive of
+that speech; and he began to wish that this
+discussion had not taken place in the presence of
+a third person; and Lord Spoonbill saw that this
+feeling oppressed the poor man. With a degree<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[141]</a></span>
+of propriety and delicacy therefore, which he
+could readily assume when it suited his purpose,
+he concluded his visit by saying:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, Mr Primrose, I will not intrude upon
+you any longer for the present; and I can only
+say, that I hope you will not find the affairs of
+your banker quite so bad as you expect; but if
+you should, then I will venture to say that the
+Earl of Smatterton will not forget a near relative
+of the late respected Dr Greendale. Our family
+will be in town in a few days, and I shall be most
+happy then to repeat my call. And should Miss
+Primrose still persist in wishing to adopt the
+musical profession, a patroness and every possible
+assistance will not be wanting.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>In this there was much kindness, and Mr
+Primrose was accordingly pleased with the
+young lord, and forgot for a moment that he
+had ever heard any stories to his discredit.
+And, when the father and daughter were left
+alone, they entered into long and serious talk
+concerning their respective prospects.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[142]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose was not left absolutely pennyless
+by the stopping of his banker; but the
+greater part of his property was gone if, as report
+stated, the house should be only able to
+pay one shilling in the pound. Indeed, upon
+the supposition of a much larger dividend, the
+property, which would then remain to Mr Primrose,
+would be but a very narrow and scanty
+independence. He had not made so very large
+a fortune in India as some persons are said to
+have accumulated; but, as soon as he had acquired
+what he thought a respectable competence,
+he returned to England to have as much
+as possible the enjoyment of his daughter&#8217;s
+company, and those pleasures which none but
+a native land is capable of affording.</p>
+
+<p>When he had stated to Penelope as accurately
+and fully as possible the various particulars relative
+to his property, and mentioned the sources
+from whence the rumours came concerning the
+incompetency of his banker, the young lady
+very composedly expressed her readiness to avail<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[143]</a></span>
+herself of the proffered patronage of the Countess
+of Smatterton. There appeared so much
+sincerity and cheerfulness in the proposal, that
+Mr Primrose felt himself considerably relieved:
+and not only did there appear sincerity in the
+language used by Penelope, but there really was
+what there appeared to be. For reluctant as
+she might have been to engage in such a profession
+merely for the gratification of a patroness,
+she felt very differently when she thought
+that she might thereby be an assistance to her
+father.</p>
+
+<p>Hurt as Mr Primrose&#8217;s feelings, or pride, might
+have been at the thought of receiving assistance
+from his own daughter, whom he had hoped
+to place in a state of independence, and mortified
+as he might be at the prospect of the
+young lady making a public appearance, yet he
+had but little to say to the repeated enquiry
+which Penelope made in answer to all his
+objections; for invariably his remarks were fol<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[144]</a></span>lowed
+by the question&mdash;&#8220;What else can be
+done?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It was too late for Mr Primrose to return to
+India; and the patronage or interest which once
+had favoured him now existed for him no longer.
+He had not been brought up to any profession
+whereby he might gain a livelihood in England,
+and he had been accustomed to a style of living
+which rendered daily bread a more expensive
+article to him than to those of humbler prospects.</p>
+
+<p>A very distressing and heart-rending scene
+may be drawn of human suffering from the lowest
+and most abject of the children of penury
+and destitution. But we have our doubts whether
+the bitterest and keenest sense of suffering
+is really in that class. The poor gentleman
+suffers mentally, and while the beggar who lives
+on casual charity has an occasional luxury in
+a full meal, he, whose poverty must be hidden
+but cannot be unknown, is labouring under an<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[145]</a></span>
+unremitting and incessant pressure; and it is
+this that wastes away the body to a mere shadow
+and bows down the spirit to the earth. They
+are cruel and unfeeling indeed, who mock such
+misery as this. We envy not the talent which
+can draw mirth from a source so painful.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[146]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Another</span> morning dawned, and with its opening
+light there came to the father of Penelope
+a feeling of his comparatively destitute situation.
+His heart swelled as he thought of it, and he
+had some difficulty to preserve composure enough
+to meet his child. There was however one drop
+of consolation in the cup of his affliction, for it
+was not by his own fault or folly that his present
+loss was occasioned. But even this consolation
+afflicted him, for it brought to his recollection
+his past folly, and reminded him of the patient
+endurance with which the mother of his
+Penelope had borne up, as long as possible,
+against her sufferings. He recollected how gra<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[147]</a></span>dually
+and slowly she sunk, and how to the very
+last moment of life her looks were to him all
+tenderness and forgiveness. And he thought
+that he could also discern in his child those
+same moral features which had been the grace
+and glory of her departed mother.</p>
+
+<p>Commanding his feelings as well as he could,
+he commenced the talk concerning the calamity
+of the preceding day. His heart was touched
+by the cheerful manner in which Penelope referred
+to the proposal of the Countess of Smatterton,
+and he smiled through his tears to hear
+how sanguinely the poor girl talked of the certainty
+of high success. But as yet all was in
+uncertainty.</p>
+
+<p>His banker, in whose hands he had placed the
+greater part of his property, had certainly stopped
+payment; but it could not yet be ascertained
+when his affairs would be put into a train for
+settlement, nor was it likely that one so little
+acquainted with the City as Mr Primrose should
+be able to form any idea of the dividend which<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[148]</a></span>
+might be paid. He certainly had heard it said
+that no greater dividend would be forthcoming,
+than one shilling in the pound. But people in
+the City sometimes tells lies not knowing them
+to be lies, and sometimes even do they go so far
+as to tell lies knowing them to be so.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose was a very hasty man, catching
+up whatever he heard, and taking it for granted
+that all he heard was true. He never thought
+of enquiring what was the political party to
+which his banker belonged, nor did he know to
+what party those persons attached themselves
+who told him the melancholy story of that banker&#8217;s
+inability to pay more than one shilling in
+the pound. As for Mr Primrose himself, he,
+poor man, knew nothing about party; he was
+not aware that England contained two classes
+of men, one of which is all that is good, and
+the other all that is bad. He simply knew that
+the banker had stopped payment, and that two
+very respectable-looking gentlemen had declared
+it as their opinion that there would not be a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[149]</a></span>
+dividend of more than one shilling in the pound.
+That story he believed, and on that presumption
+was proceeding. His daughter of course could
+know nothing about the matter; and as for the
+Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, he was such a
+superfine sort of a gentleman that he hardly
+knew that there was such a place as the City;
+and if he had ever heard of such an animal as a
+City Alderman, he took it for some such a creature
+as the Bonassus.</p>
+
+<p>Now this melancholy intelligence, which Mr
+Primrose had brought with him from the City,
+put a stop of course to those employments in
+which he would otherwise have been engaged.
+He was preparing to look out for some residence,
+either in town or country; and for that purpose
+he had every morning read with great attention
+all the advertisements of desirable residences to
+be sold or let. It was not very pleasant to turn
+from these thoughts to study painfully the means
+of again acquiring a maintenance.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[150]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It was more especially distressing to him to
+observe how anxiously his poor child now supplicated
+as a favour to be permitted to engage
+in an occupation, from which he knew that,
+under other circumstances, she would have
+timidly shrunk. He was afflicted to hear such
+solicitations; but he had so much pleasure in
+his daughter&#8217;s society, and so little occasion to
+go out, that he remained in his hotel the greater
+part of the morning, or more properly speaking
+the day. Towards evening however it occurred
+to him, and to any one else it would have occurred
+much earlier, that it might be the means
+of setting his mind a little at rest, and of giving
+him some little ground of hope, if he should go
+once more into the City and enquire of his agent
+into the probability of a settlement or arrangement
+of his banker&#8217;s affairs.</p>
+
+<p>While Mr Primrose was gone into the City
+Penelope was left mournfully alone. It is indeed
+very dull to spend a long solitary evening in a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[151]</a></span>
+strange place without occupation, and with nothing
+to think upon but painful recollections
+and fearful anticipations.</p>
+
+<p>The room in which the poor girl was left was
+large and well furnished, but there were no books
+in it, and the pictures were but indifferent engravings
+in splendid frames. There was a newspaper,
+but that was soon exhausted. There were
+many persons in the house, but Penelope knew
+none of them, and none of them cared about
+her.</p>
+
+<p>It had been very different at Smatterton, and
+at Neverden; in those two villages everybody
+knew her, and everybody loved her more or less;
+and there she never felt herself alone, for she
+knew that her good uncle was near her, and
+there is some pleasure in knowing that a good
+friend is near us. There, when she heard footsteps
+and voices, they were familiar voices and
+the footsteps of friends; but in the large hotel,
+where she sat alone waiting for her father, she
+heard only the voices of strangers. And when<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[152]</a></span>
+for the sake of a little variety she drew aside the
+drapery of the long windows and looked down
+upon the lamp illuminated street, there was
+something quite melancholy in the dim appearance
+and the monotonous sounds. Carriage-wheels
+seemed to roll incessantly, and their
+passing lights were miserably reflected from myriads
+of little puddles coldly shining amidst the
+uneven pavement.</p>
+
+<p>There was a specimen or two to be heard
+of the London cries; but there was no music
+in them, and they fell upon the ear with a
+strangely unpleasant effect, intermingled with the
+occasional sound of a street organ. Penelope
+strained her attention to listen to the music, and
+it was pleasant to her, though the images which
+it raised in her mind were those only of sad
+regrets. There is more effect produced by those
+street organs than people in general are aware
+of. Shall we be pardoned the strangeness of the
+expression, if we say that they sometimes give a
+wholesome agitation to the stagnation of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[153]</a></span>
+moral atmosphere? And shall we be still farther
+pardoned if we digress, for the sake of illustrating
+by an anecdote the above singular expression?
+By such a digression we are not interrupting
+our narrative, which is now indeed, like
+its pensive heroine, standing still.</p>
+
+<p>A father had lost an affectionate and promising
+child, over whose long lingering illness he had
+watched anxiously but hopelessly. The poor
+child had suffered patiently, but had experienced
+some intervals of ease, and some sensations
+even of delight. A popular melody had
+caught his fancy, and when the wandering organist
+of that neighbourhood played his favourite
+air, the little sufferer&#8217;s eyes would brighten, and
+his pale transparent hand would beat the time
+as knowingly as an amateur. That was a scene
+for a parent to recollect. And the poor little one
+died, and the father, when he had seen the grave
+closed upon the child&#8217;s remains, returned to his
+home in a state of apathy: feeling seemed to
+have perished in him. The organist made his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[154]</a></span>
+accustomed round, played the favourite air; the
+bereaved father was awakened to the agony of
+remembrance, and those tears flowed freely and
+spontaneously, which told that feeling had not
+departed.</p>
+
+<p>By the itinerant musicians the feelings of
+Penelope were awakened; but she could not
+help observing how much less emotion she experienced
+than formerly, when these well-known
+melodies brought to her mind thoughts of the
+absent and the distant. Her mind was otherwise
+engaged and her thoughts otherwise directed.
+Little did she imagine, when she had been anxiously
+expecting and joyfully anticipating her
+father&#8217;s return to England, that so dark a cloud
+would obscure the first dawn of her happiness.
+While she was thus wearing away the slowly
+moving hours, the door of the apartment was
+opened and Lord Spoonbill made his appearance.</p>
+
+<p>It is a great evil that virtuous men should
+ever make themselves disagreeable, and it is also<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[155]</a></span>
+a great evil that vicious men should make themselves
+agreeable; but the latter is quite as common
+as the former, and perhaps more so. He
+that exercises no reflection, and never turns his
+thoughts within, has so much the more attention
+to give to the external of manner and
+address. And so much had Lord Spoonbill cultivated
+manner, that although Penelope had
+reason to suppose him to be no conjuror, and
+though she had also reason to think that his
+morals were not the most pure, yet he was not
+altogether offensive and disagreeable to her.
+She could not but feel almost grateful to him
+for having so readily abstained from urging the
+topic which he had mentioned on the day of her
+meeting with her father. It also appeared to
+her highly flattering and complimentary, that a
+person of his lordship&#8217;s rank should deign to pay
+court to one of inferior station; for there was
+not in her mind the slightest or remotest suspicion
+that Lord Spoonbill had any other than the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[156]</a></span>
+most honourable intention in making a profession
+of attachment.</p>
+
+<p>When his lordship made his appearance, he
+was received cordially and as cheerfully as
+circumstances would permit. Penelope had now
+fully made up her mind to adopt the profession
+recommended by the Countess of Smatterton,
+and as Lord Spoonbill had on the previous day,
+in conversation with Mr Primrose, used arguments
+rather recommendatory of that step, the
+young lady could not of course imagine that
+there remained in his lordship&#8217;s mind any intention
+whatever of pursuing the subject of his
+attachment, or renewing any mention of his love
+and devotedness.</p>
+
+<p>This thought gave to her manner a much
+greater ease, and being also blended with the
+pensiveness of her present feelings, presented her
+to the eye of Lord Spoonbill as more interesting
+and lovely than ever. His lordship was a vain
+man; and to possess so lovely a creature as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[157]</a></span>
+Penelope, would be the means of gratifying his
+vanity. He was cunning enough however to
+see that Miss Primrose was quite unsuspicious
+of his designs, and that she did not anticipate a
+revival of that discourse to which her earnest
+supplications had put a stop. He felt therefore
+that it would not be prudent hastily to recommence
+a conversation of that nature, but to
+endeavour to render himself more agreeable, and
+to try to ascertain how far there yet remained in
+her recollection any tender thoughts of Robert
+Darnley.</p>
+
+<p>Such were his lordship&#8217;s intentions, but they
+were frustrated by the manner in which Penelope
+spoke, and by the decision with which she proposed
+to cast herself on the patronage of the
+Countess, and to adopt the profession so earnestly
+recommended by her ladyship. Lord
+Spoonbill to this proposal replied, that the
+Countess would be most happy to afford Miss
+Primrose all the assistance in her power; and his
+lordship was also pleased to say, that this reso<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[158]</a></span>lution
+would contribute very essentially to increase
+the attractions of Lady Smatterton&#8217;s
+parties.</p>
+
+<p>Penelope sighed and almost shuddered at the
+thought; but, as the effort was made for the
+sake of her father, she subdued or concealed her
+reluctance. It was of course understood by his
+lordship, that this resolution of the young lady
+arose from the loss which her father had experienced;
+it was therefore very natural that some
+expressions of sympathy and concern should be
+used on the occasion by the hereditary legislator.
+These expressions were gratefully received
+by Penelope, though her language of acknowledgment
+was only the language of looks and
+imperfectly suppressed tears.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill interpreted this emotion as an
+omen in his favour; and he was tempted by his
+evil genius to say something farther in allusion
+to the prohibited topic. He was greatly and
+agreeably surprised to hear no express and hasty
+interruption; and fearful lest this silence should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[159]</a></span>
+proceed only from abstraction of mind, he went
+on to speak more decidedly and less equivocally
+concerning his attachment to the young lady.
+Penelope gave symptoms of understanding his
+lordship, but shewed no decided or obvious
+marks of disapprobation. There seemed to be,
+and there certainly was, a strong conflict in her
+mind. She had not, indeed, ceased to think
+tenderly and affectionately of Robert Darnley;
+but she had nearly, if not altogether, ceased to
+hope. The conflict in her mind was between
+her affection for her father and her indifference
+to Lord Spoonbill. We will not say that her
+vanity was not flattered by the apparent offer
+of so splendid an alliance. It perhaps influenced
+her as little as it would influence any
+one; but when the mind is just recovering from
+the pains and mortifications of a first disappointment,
+it is mightily indifferent to matters of
+sentiment. The very loss of a first love is of
+itself so great an affliction, that it appears as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[160]</a></span>
+if no condition of being could render the affliction
+greater.</p>
+
+<p>Finding that Penelope returned no answer to
+his protestations of attachment, and that she
+did not withdraw her hand from his grasp, his
+lordship proceeded to urge his suit in the common
+language adapted for such occasions as the
+present, and used by such persons as his lordship.
+Penelope, fancying that she was about
+to give her consent to become Lady Spoonbill,
+prefaced that consent by expressing her fears
+that the Earl and Countess of Smatterton would
+look down, with disapprobation at least, on one
+so humble and portionless. To obviate this
+objection his lordship, who did not, or who
+would not see the misapprehension of the young
+lady, observed that the Earl and Countess need
+not know anything of the arrangement.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But how is that possible?&#8221; inquired Penelope
+in the simplicity of her heart.</p>
+
+<p>In explaining that possibility his lordship also<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[161]</a></span>
+explained the object which he had in view in
+making a declaration of his attachment. Now
+Penelope, who had been brought up under the
+roof and instruction of Dr Greendale, and who
+knew no more of the world than the world knew
+of her, was not able immediately and readily to
+comprehend his lordship&#8217;s meaning, and when
+she did comprehend it, she was shocked and
+astonished at it; her pride also, of which she
+possessed constitutionally an abundant share,
+took alarm at the indignity, and she would, but
+for the utter depression of her spirits, have
+resented the insult loudly and contemptuously.
+As it was, her only resource was in a copious
+flood of silent tears, and when her paroxysm of
+anguish was somewhat abated, so that she could
+find utterance for words, she said:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My Lord Spoonbill, let me request you to
+leave me. My father will soon return, and if
+he should learn what has passed, I cannot
+answer for the consequences.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill began<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[162]</a></span>
+to discern symptoms of a horsewhipping, and
+having acted dishonorably, he looked foolishly.
+It was not generous to attempt to take advantage
+of the misfortunes of Mr Primrose, and the
+destitute condition of Penelope. But there was
+in his lordship&#8217;s heart so great a regard for
+Penelope, that he resolved at all events to make
+her his own, and that if marriage was the only
+condition, he would offer her marriage. With
+this view he stammered out something which he
+intended as an apology, and endeavoured, as
+well as he could, to unsay all that he had said
+concerning the humiliating arrangement which
+he had at first proposed; but Penelope heard
+him not, or if hearing, heeded him not.</p>
+
+<p>Hereupon his lordship became more earnest
+in his solicitations, and made such clumsy attempts
+to explain away his first proposal, that
+the young lady began to think more contemptuously
+of him than she had ever thought before.
+And now his lordship saw that there was some
+truth and justice in the observations which had<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[163]</a></span>
+been thrown out by his friend Erpingham. Seeing
+the lady so resolute and obdurate, he thought
+it would be the wisest step that he could take
+to leave her for the present, in hope that hereafter
+her indignation might somewhat abate.</p>
+
+<p>When he was gone, the poor, perplexed, and
+almost desolate one, felt in some measure relieved
+by his absence; but, when she began to reflect,
+she found that her hopes of the patronage of
+Lady Smatterton were now gone; for it would
+be absolutely impossible for her to place herself
+again in a situation where she might be exposed
+to the importunities of Lord Spoonbill. And
+when at a late hour in the evening her father returned
+from the City, it was too much for her to
+receive him cheerfully, and she could no longer
+speak sanguinely and with confidence concerning
+her prospects under the patronage of Lady
+Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>As for Mr Primrose, no brighter prospect
+seemed to shine before him; for he had gained
+no intelligence. He had found, as he might<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[164]</a></span>
+have expected, the office of his agent closed,
+and there was no one in the house who could
+give him the slightest information. He was astonished
+at the world&#8217;s apathy; no one seemed to
+sympathise with him. Everybody was wrapped
+up in their own concerns, and the thoughts of all
+seemed to be centred in themselves. This is
+indeed not much to be wondered at. It is the
+way of the world, and always has been, and
+always will, until some change takes place which
+we cannot yet anticipate or conjecture. It was
+pleasantly observed by a sentimental jockey, who
+lost by a considerable length the first race he
+ever rode, &#8220;I&#8217;ll never ride another race as long
+as I live. The riders are the most selfish, narrow-minded
+creatures on the face of the earth.
+They kept riding and galloping as fast as they
+could, and never had once the kindness or civility
+to stop for me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>In some such state of mind as this was Mr
+Primrose when he returned from his fruitless
+excursion in the City. All the inquiries which<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[165]</a></span>
+he had made about his agent, as to where he
+was, and how long the office had been shut,
+and what time it would be open tomorrow, and
+ten thousand other matters, had been answered
+with a toil-saving brevity and a coldness, which
+intimated that the persons answering the questions
+had not so great an interest in them as the
+person asking them.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[166]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Many</span> days had now passed away since Mr
+Primrose had left Neverden and Smatterton, and
+since Robert Darnley had expressed his resolution
+to make prompt inquiry into the cause of
+the interruption of the correspondence between
+Penelope and himself. There had arrived no
+intelligence from the young gentleman: but Mr
+Primrose began now to think that he himself
+had not done right in listening and yielding to
+the delicate scruples of his daughter. The
+father of Penelope was of that complexion of
+mind that, under similar circumstances, he would
+have thanked any one for removing any misunderstanding,
+even had it been the lady herself.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[167]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>He knew that Robert Darnley had not been
+the wilful cause of breaking off the correspondence,
+and he knew also that his own daughter
+had not neglected to answer the letters which
+she had received. He knew that the parties
+were attached to each other, and he had learned
+from Penelope herself that there was no foundation
+for the story of her attachment to Lord
+Spoonbill. Now what should prevent him from
+writing to Neverden to inform the young gentleman
+of this fact? He thought that it would be
+an act of kindness to both parties. Nevertheless,
+it should be observed, that Mr Primrose
+was not one of those terribly kind people who
+force their kindness upon one, whether we like
+it or not, as the man who beat his wife and
+said, &#8220;It is all for your good, my dear.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>When therefore he was fully satisfied that it
+would be but an act of kindness to his daughter
+to remove the mystery from the mind of Robert
+Darnley, he did not take this step without first<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[168]</a></span>
+consulting her for whose benefit such step was
+to be taken. At breakfast he said to Penelope:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;So, my dear, my excursion into the City
+was to no purpose last night. I find that I
+must make an earlier visit, and therefore I shall
+go again to-day. I hope and trust I may find
+matters not quite so bad as I first anticipated.
+And I think that you need not be in a very
+great hurry to engage in this profession. I
+cannot say I like patronage. But why should
+not we take some steps to let Robert Darnley
+know that the breaking off the correspondence
+was not your act? I think I ought to write to
+him. Indeed I almost promised that I would.
+Very likely he may be waiting till he hears from
+me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My dear father,&#8221; exclaimed Penelope, &#8220;you
+surely would not think of such a step as that.
+It would be exceedingly indelicate, and might
+expose me to contempt. Mr Darnley knows
+that I am in London, and if he were at all dis<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[169]</a></span>posed
+to renew the correspondence, or to have
+an explanation of the cause of its interruption,
+he would either have written or have made his
+appearance in town. Knowing that I was at
+Lord Smatterton&#8217;s, it was no difficult matter
+to write to me; for the letter would be sure
+to find me, if directed under cover to his lordship.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But, my dear child,&#8221; interrupted Mr Primrose,
+&#8220;I think he expects to hear from me; for
+I recollect now having said something to that
+effect.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But after this long interval, if Mr Darnley
+were really anxious, and at all concerned about
+me, he would have written to press you to the
+performance of your promise.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He might have done so to be sure,&#8221; said her
+father, slowly and thoughtfully, and then, as if
+recollecting himself, he continued in a livelier
+and quicker tone;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[170]</a></span> &#8220;but perhaps, as he has not
+heard from me, he takes it for granted that you
+really were desirous of dropping the correspondence;
+and so after all you will appear to him
+as the person by whose act and deed the acquaintance
+has ceased.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And what will he, or can he think,&#8221; rejoined
+Penelope, &#8220;if, under present circumstances, there
+should be on my part an effort made to renew
+the acquaintance? No, no; let the matter rest.
+Even if you did promise to write first, you may
+be sure that he would not have waited patiently
+all this while in expectation of hearing from you.
+He might naturally enough suppose that I should
+object to having overtures made as from me;
+and if he had a real regard for me, we should
+have heard from him by this time. My attachment
+to Mr Darnley was founded on the qualities
+and endowments of the mind, and if I were
+deceived as to them, that attachment will soon
+die away.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Upon my word, child,&#8221; said Mr Primrose,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[171]</a></span>
+&#8220;I really do not think you have any regard for
+Mr Darnley. You are certainly captivated by
+this Lord Spoonbill.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This was said by Mr Primrose not angrily,
+but with a tone of mock reproach. Penelope
+shuddered at the allusion to Lord Spoonbill; but
+she endeavoured to conceal her emotion as much
+as possible, lest she should be under the necessity
+of informing her father of the proposal which
+his lordship had made her the day before.</p>
+
+<p>While this conversation was passing between
+Mr Primrose and his daughter, another scene
+was passing at the town mansion of the Earl
+of Smatterton, where his lordship and family
+had arrived on the preceding day. Parliament
+was about to meet after the prorogation. On
+such occasions his lordship&#8217;s magnificence swelled
+out to most extraordinary dimensions. Then did
+he bethink himself that he was one of those who
+held in his hand the destiny of the British empire;
+and, when the postman brought letters from
+divers parts of the kingdom, his lordship felt
+himself to be the centre to which many minds
+were directing their most anxious thoughts. The
+letters were handed to his lordship on a silver<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[172]</a></span>
+tray. The servant who brought them swelled
+with importance, and even the silver tray shone
+with unusual brightness beneath its important
+burden.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is very fatiguing,&#8221; his lordship would
+sometimes say, &#8220;to have anything to do with
+public business. I often envy the obscurity of
+humble station. There is peace and quietness
+in the lowly valley.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This, together with much more pompous sentimentality
+of the same kind, his lordship would
+utter when an unusual number of letters were
+brought to him. On the morning to which we
+now refer the number of letters was great, and
+they were spread on the table by his important
+lordship&#8217;s own right honorable hands. The contents
+of some he anticipated, and of others he
+uttered his conjectures.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh! here are two from Smatterton,&#8221; exclaimed
+his lordship:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[173]</a></span> &#8220;one, I see, is from Kipperson:
+that Kipperson is really a man of some
+talent; he has very just views of things. This
+letter from Kipperson is of course on private
+business, which must be postponed to the more
+important affairs which concern the destiny of
+the empire. But from whom can this other
+letter come? I have no other correspondent
+there, except my cousin Letitia, and this is not
+her writing.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Then his lordship looked very knowingly at
+the letter again. But all this speechification
+was perfectly needless; for if he wished to know
+from whom the letter came, he had nothing to
+do but to open it; and till he did open it he was
+not likely to know anything about it. After a
+full share of idle wonderment, his lordship took
+the envelope off the mysterious letter, and found
+that it was addressed to Mr Primrose. Thereat
+his lordship was angry, and expressed great
+astonishment at the liberty thus taken with his
+right honorable name. On looking again at the
+cover he discerned a few lines of apology, bearing
+the signature of Robert Darnley, and stating that
+the liberty had been taken because the writer<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[174]</a></span>
+did not know the gentleman&#8217;s address, and
+because he also understood that Mr Primrose&#8217;s
+daughter was under his lordship&#8217;s roof.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And how am I to know the gentleman&#8217;s
+address?&#8221; exclaimed his lordship with a most
+magnificent air.</p>
+
+<p>But the Countess, who had been informed by
+Lord Spoonbill that Penelope had the intention
+of returning to undergo her ladyship&#8217;s patronage,
+did not feel quite so angry as her lord, but
+suggested that the young lord had seen Mr
+Primrose, and knew the name of the hotel where
+he lodged.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly,&#8221; said Lord Spoonbill, &#8220;I will
+take care of it.&#8221; And he forthwith laid hands
+upon the letter. Lord Smatterton then added,
+&#8220;I beg that Mr Primrose may be immediately
+recommended to make known his address to
+Mr Darnley, that this liberty may not be taken
+again.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>When Lord Spoonbill had possession of this
+letter he forthwith began to think how he should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[175]</a></span>
+dispose of it. He was not quite sure, though it
+came from Robert Darnley to Mr Primrose, that
+it must of necessity discourse concerning love
+and Penelope. When his lordship therefore in
+his own apartment sat muttering over the letter,
+and wondering what it could contain, there was
+some little more reason for his doubts and wonderments
+than for those of Lord Smatterton over
+the unopened cover addressed to himself. The
+letter in possession of Lord Spoonbill was not
+addressed to himself, and therefore he had no
+right to open it, however deeply he might feel
+interested in its contents.</p>
+
+<p>He took up the letter, and looked at the direction
+and at the seal; and he endeavoured to
+conjecture on what other subject than that of
+Penelope Mr Darnley could write to Mr Primrose.
+Then did his lordship poke his right
+honorable finger and thumb into the open sides
+of the letter, endeavouring to catch a glimpse
+of a word or two that might help him over the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[176]</a></span>
+difficulties of conjecture. But the letter was
+so very ingeniously folded that not a single word
+could be seen. Hereupon, incredible as it may
+appear, his lordship was in a very great wrath,
+and was offended with the insolence of Robert
+Darnley, who had taken such pains to fold his
+letter, as if he had a suspicion that any individual
+of Lord Smatterton&#8217;s family should have
+the meanness to look into it. This curious mode
+of folding the letter induced his lordship to make
+another and another attempt to read a line or a
+word. But nothing could be seen. Now, in the
+progress of these repeated efforts at investigation,
+the letter was so much disfigured that his lordship,
+with all his ingenuity, could not make it
+look like itself again.</p>
+
+<p>Another difficulty now arose: for his lordship
+was ashamed to send it in so questionable a
+shape; and should he send or make any apology,
+he must tell something very much like a lie, and
+perhaps by his clumsiness in apologizing create<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[177]</a></span>
+a suspicion of the real fact. Perplexed and undecided,
+he thrust the letter into his pocket and
+walked out.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill must have been very much
+attached to Miss Primrose to take all this
+trouble, and to expose himself to so many annoyances
+on her account; and the worst of the
+matter was that he could not, in making his visit
+to the young lady, quote all these instances of
+mortification and self-denial as illustrations and
+proofs of his devotedness to her. He could not
+tell her that, for her sake, he had stooped to
+meannesses of which any other man would have
+been ashamed. He could not tell her that, in
+order to place her in the enviable rank of nobility,
+he had intercepted her letters and had corrupted
+the integrity of Nick Muggins, the Smatterton
+post-boy. By the way we cannot help
+remarking, that Muggins was much to blame
+for accepting a bribe to betray his trust. But
+the love of gold is an universal passion, it is not
+confined to any one class or condition of human<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[178]</a></span>
+life; it influences the high and the low, the rich
+and the poor, the learned and the unlearned;</p>
+
+<div class="poem">
+  <div class="stanza">
+    <div class="verse">&#8220;In peace it tunes the shepherd&#8217;s reed,</div>
+    <div class="verse">In war it mounts the warrior&#8217;s steed,</div>
+    <div class="verse">In halls in gay attire &#8217;tis seen,</div>
+    <div class="verse">In hamlets dances on the green;</div>
+    <div class="verse">It rules the court, the camp, the grove,</div>
+    <div class="verse">And men below and gentlemen above.&#8221;</div>
+  </div>
+</div>
+
+
+<p>But to return to our enamoured hereditary
+legislator. He was walking, he scarcely knew
+whither, with Robert Darnley&#8217;s letter in his
+pocket; and he was meditating most perplexedly
+on the various events of human life, on
+those at least which concerned himself, and he
+thought that he had been acting very much like
+a fool, and he felt very much inclined to make
+a mighty effort to act like a wise man. But
+wisdom is not an extemporaneous production
+of a fool&#8217;s head. It required something more
+than a volition to change the whole tenor of the
+conduct.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[179]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>In his resolution to act more wisely, the Right
+Honorable Lord Spoonbill made with himself
+this stipulation, namely, that at all events, and
+by any means honorable, or dishonorable, he must
+have Miss Primrose; for it was absolutely impossible
+that he could live without her. It was
+therefore no easy matter for his lordship so to
+manage matters as to gain Miss Primrose at all
+events, and yet to act as a man of honor. For
+here was in his pocket a letter, which, as a man
+of honor, he ought immediately to hand over to
+Mr Primrose; and yet he very strongly suspected,
+that if the said letter should come into
+the possession of the person to whom it was addressed,
+it would be most probably the means
+of placing an insuperable objection in the way of
+his lordship&#8217;s designs. It also entered into the
+mind of the meditating young gentleman that,
+if the acquaintance between Miss Primrose and
+Robert Darnley should be renewed, there might
+be some talk about the letters which had not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[180]</a></span>
+reached their destination, and there might be
+made some enquiries. And what if, after all,
+Nick Muggins should turn traitor! Who could
+tell what influences fear or hope might exercise
+over the uncivilized post-boy of Smatterton?</p>
+
+<p>Instruction being a much more important object
+than amusement, we feel ourselves bound to
+direct the attention of our readers to the instruction
+which may be derived from the fact here
+alluded to. Here is political instruction and
+personal instruction. We do not believe a word
+of the idle prating that some political greenhorns
+make about secret service money; but we do
+believe that many of those politicians, and they
+are not a few, who mistake cunning for wisdom,
+frequently become entangled in nets of their own
+weaving, and fall into pits of their own digging.
+To play the rogue with perfect success, is a
+perfection almost beyond the reach of ordinary
+humanity: for they, who have talent and power
+to do so, are generally too wise to possess the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[181]</a></span>
+inclination, and they who are weak enough to
+possess the inclination, are in nine cases out of
+ten too clumsy to carry it on with perfect success.
+And the worst of it is, that they must
+make use of tools which are either too strong
+to be managed, or too weak to be depended on.</p>
+
+<p>This is also a lesson of instruction to persons
+in private life, especially to those who have nothing
+to do but to live on the fruits of their
+grandfather&#8217;s industry, or their great grandfather&#8217;s
+roguery; for it teaches them that, if they will
+pursue those ends which are dishonorable, they
+must also make use of dishonorable means; and
+they will very frequently be placed in very uncomfortable
+and mortifying situations.</p>
+
+<p>Now, however willing Lord Spoonbill might
+have been to suffer the letter in his possession
+to reach its proper destination, he found that he
+could not send it without exposing his former
+meanness to the risk of detection, and in all probability
+defeating the end which he had in view<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[182]</a></span>
+in intercepting the letters which were passing
+between Miss Primrose and Robert Darnley.
+In such perplexity, his lordship walked from one
+street to another till he found himself at a very
+considerable distance from Mr Primrose&#8217;s hotel.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[183]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Lord Spoonbill</span> was not like Cato. For history
+records of the latter that he preferred being
+good to seeming so: Lord Spoonbill had no
+great objection to being a rogue, but did not
+like to be thought one. It was therefore not
+very pleasant for him to be placed in that dilemma,
+of which we made mention in the last
+chapter. He saw, or at least had good reason to
+think that he saw, that Mr Darnley was bent on
+renewing the acquaintance with Miss Primrose;
+and he also feared that Penelope had not sufficiently
+forgotten her first lover.</p>
+
+<p>There also occurred to his mind the thought
+that it was possible for Mr Darnley to make a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[184]</a></span>
+journey to London for a personal explanation,
+if the letter to Mr Primrose should not be answered.
+This consideration suggested to his
+lordship the necessity of taking prompt and
+decided measures. He saw that no chance remained
+for him but in the way of matrimony.
+He certainly dreaded the encounter with his right
+honorable parents; but, if he could not live without
+Penelope, it was absolutely necessary that he
+should take steps to live with her.</p>
+
+<p>This is a very proper place wherein to make a
+digression concerning the omnipotence of love;
+and here we ought to be extremely pathetic,
+shewing and demonstrating with heart-rending
+eloquence, how irresistible is this universal passion:
+and perhaps some of our readers, not many
+we hope, may think that we ought to make a
+very sentimental defence of Lord Spoonbill, as
+some of our predecessors in the history of lovers
+have made of those idle cubs who have shewn
+their refinement and sensibility by seducing engaged
+or betrothed affections. But we do not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[185]</a></span>
+believe in the omnipotence of love; and we do
+not think Lord Spoonbill at all deserving of pity.
+Falling in love with Penelope was on his part
+perfectly voluntary, deliberate, wilful, and intentional.
+It is all very possible and very plausible
+for an inexperienced and thoughtless youth
+to find himself mightily attached to a young
+woman before he is aware almost of the existence
+of the passion; but this was not the case with
+Lord Spoonbill. When he saw Miss Primrose he
+admired her; when he became more acquainted
+with her, he liked her; and, from pursuing, he
+loved her. But he knew from the first that she
+was otherwise engaged; and his designs towards
+her had been degrading.</p>
+
+<p>We have dwelt long, and perhaps tediously,
+on Lord Spoonbill&#8217;s embarrassment; we have
+done so intentionally, because that embarrassment
+dwelt tediously on his mind, and it was
+necessary, for the sake of accuracy in the picture,
+to represent the case not transiently, but
+copiously.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[186]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The result of the right honorable hereditary
+legislator&#8217;s meditation was, that as it was not
+possible for him to live without Penelope, and
+as delay might expose him to the danger of being
+compelled to do that which he knew to be impossible,
+he would take the earliest opportunity
+of making regular and deliberate overtures of
+marriage. And he felt satisfied that the fascination
+of title and the splendour of opulence
+would be too much for a female heart to withstand.
+There was also another thought on
+which he grounded his hopes: he considered
+that the affection which Penelope had for her
+father would induce her more readily to accept
+an offer which would provide her with the means
+of assisting him.</p>
+
+<p>With this resolution he returned home; as he
+thought that it might be more advisable to communicate
+his intention to the parties concerned
+by letter than by word of mouth. Probably
+his lordship might imagine that, if thus Mr
+Primrose were made acquainted with the mag<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[187]</a></span>nificent
+offer that awaited his daughter&#8217;s acceptance,
+paternal pride would be gratified, and
+paternal authority might be added to other motives,
+inducing the young lady&#8217;s compliance.
+Lord Spoonbill was by no means fastidious as
+to the manner in which he gained his object,
+provided that the object was gained.</p>
+
+<p>His lordship dined that day at home. During
+dinner he was silent, and looked almost
+sulky. The Earl and Countess inferred from
+these looks that their hopeful son was on the
+eve of saying or doing something not very agreeable
+to his parents; for he most usually prefaced
+an act of opposition to their will by putting himself
+into an ill-humour. This is a refined piece
+of domestic tactics. None however but spoiled
+children can use it with proper dexterity and
+complete success. When a wife wishes to persuade
+her husband out of his senses, or to guide
+him against his better judgment, her prelude is
+generally an extraordinary degree of sweetness,
+and her preface is made of witching smiles; and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[188]</a></span>
+then the husband thinks that it would be cruel
+to convert such smiles into tears, and he passively
+yields to the power of the silent logic of
+the laughing eye. But the policy of a great
+overgrown booby is different. The spoiled blockhead
+knows that no art of his can give extra
+loveliness to his looks in the eyes of his fond
+parents. His own precious numskull is to them
+the ne plus ultra of human excellence. But if
+that sweet face is darkened by a frown, and if
+the dear pet is sulky, cross-grained, and ill-humoured,
+then anything and everything must be
+conceded to bring him back to his good-humour
+again.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Spoonbill, are you unwell?&#8221; said Lord Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No,&#8221; replied Spoonbill in a style of sulky
+abruptness, which Tony Lumpkin himself might
+have envied.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You seem to be quite out of spirits to-day:&#8221;
+said the Countess, in one of her most agreeable
+and winning tones.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[189]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;One cannot be always laughing and talking,&#8221;
+was the uncourteous and ungrateful reply.</p>
+
+<p>Then followed a long pause. The Earl and
+Countess scarcely dared to speak to each other,
+and Lord Spoonbill pertinaciously held his peace.
+Now such a state of things cannot last long;
+it is absolutely unbearable. Very soon after
+the servants had left the room, as the young
+man&#8217;s silence and sulkiness yet continued, Lord
+Smatterton, who thought himself a bit of a politician,
+gave her ladyship a hint to indulge them
+with her absence.</p>
+
+<p>When they were alone, the Earl of Smatterton
+thus addressed his hopeful son: &#8220;Spoonbill, I
+fear that something is preying upon your mind.
+May I be permitted to know what it is that disturbs
+you?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill did not make any reply to this
+consolatory interrogation: for he felt very well
+satisfied that the communication of the cause
+of his concern would not be very likely to remove
+it. He therefore thought it best to con<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[190]</a></span>trive,
+if it could be so managed, to let the truth
+come out gradually, and to bring his father to
+guess, than to tell abruptly, the cause of his
+oppression.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You are silent,&#8221; said the Earl of Smatterton.
+Lord Spoonbill knew that without requiring
+to be told of it. The Earl then continued:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why should you conceal from me anything
+that concerns and interests you? I am only desirous
+of promoting your welfare; and, if in any
+matter I can serve you, command me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It is quite contrary to our notions of propriety
+that sons should command their parents; it was
+also contrary to Lord Smatterton&#8217;s ideas of his
+own dignity that any one should dictate to him;
+but in the present instance he adopted the courtier&#8217;s
+language. As his son did not seem disposed
+to command him, the father felt very much
+inclined to command his son, and to insist with
+mighty dignity on knowing the cause of this
+strange behaviour. But Lord Spoonbill was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[191]</a></span>
+rather too old to be treated like a boy. His
+lordship would not be snubbed; but he could
+not always escape a lecturing.</p>
+
+<p>There is this difference between the rational
+and irrational part of the creation; that, among
+the irrational animals, the parents are in haste to
+give their offspring a hint of their independence;
+but among rational beings, the young ones are
+more in haste to throw off their dependence than
+parents to renounce their authority or withdraw
+their protection. One reason perhaps for this
+arrangement is, that rational youngsters are not
+quite so well able to guide and to take care of
+themselves as irrational animals are.</p>
+
+<p>The feeling of which we are here speaking
+operated very powerfully in the minds of Lord
+Smatterton and his son. The father was especially
+fond of authority, and the son as fond of
+independence: but the father held the purse,
+and there lay the great secret of his power.
+Lord Spoonbill knew that he could not marry<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[192]</a></span>
+Miss Primrose without the consent of more parties
+than himself and the young lady; he knew
+that the means of an establishment must be contributed
+by his own right honorable father; and
+therefore his consideration was, how to obtain
+that consent, and how to reconcile his father&#8217;s
+well-known horror of plebeianism with his own
+marriage, with the daughter of a man who had
+originally sprung from the City. To have made
+the proposal flatly and plainly, would have put
+the Earl into a most tremendous passion. It
+was therefore necessary to have recourse to management.</p>
+
+<p>Finding that the Earl was slow in uttering
+conjectures, Lord Spoonbill was compelled to
+give broader hints; and for that purpose he rose
+from his seat and walked to the fire-place, and
+put his elbow on the chimney-piece, and his
+hand upon his forehead, and sighed&mdash;oh, how
+he did sigh! He would have been a fine subject
+for Chantrey; but neither Chantrey nor any one<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[193]</a></span>
+else could have immortalized that magnificent
+sigh.</p>
+
+<p>At this movement the Earl started, and exclaimed:
+&#8220;Are you in love, Spoonbill?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Suppose I am, sir;&#8221; replied the son of the
+patrician, &#8220;and what then?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What then!&#8221; echoed Lord Smatterton; &#8220;that
+very much depends on the person who has
+engaged your affections. If it be a suitable
+connexion, I shall throw no impediment in your
+way.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But, perhaps, what may appear a suitable
+connexion to me may not appear in the same
+light to you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Of course you will not think of marrying a
+woman of no understanding.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly not,&#8221; replied Lord Spoonbill cheerfully
+and confidently; &#8220;I could not bear to live
+with a wife who was not a person of intellect.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Some of our readers might not have expected
+this remark from Lord Smatterton, or this reply
+from Lord Spoonbill; but let those readers look<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[194]</a></span>
+out among their acquaintance for a great blockhead,
+and let them talk to him about intellect,
+and they will not wonder that Lord Spoonbill
+had a fancy for an intellectual wife. There is,
+now a-days, a great demand for intellect, and a
+demand will always create a supply of some sort
+or other.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And I think,&#8221; continued the Earl of Smatterton,
+&#8220;that I know your opinions on that
+subject too well to suppose that you would ever
+degrade yourself so far as to marry a person of
+low birth.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Lord Spoonbill bit his lips; and said, &#8220;I
+would never marry a woman of vulgar manners,
+whatever might be her birth.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You are right,&#8221; said the Earl; &#8220;but why
+can you not tell me at once, without all this
+circumlocution, who is the lady that is destined
+to the honor of becoming Lady Spoonbill?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Here the young man hesitated and demurred,
+and endeavoured to say something that should
+amount to nothing. But the Earl was not con<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[195]</a></span>tent
+to be put off evasively, and pressed so hard,
+that at length the secret was extorted. Then
+was the Lord of Smatterton exceedingly astonished
+and grieved, and he groaned and shook
+his head most solemnly, and in a tone of great
+anguish of mind, said;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, Spoonbill! Spoonbill! That you should
+ever have come to this! And have you made the
+young woman an offer of your hand?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have,&#8221; replied the son, who thought that
+the readiest way of bringing the matter to a
+conclusion would be to avow it at once.</p>
+
+<p>But, when the Earl farther enquired whether
+the offer had been accepted or not, the young
+lord was under the necessity of acknowledging
+that it had not been exactly accepted, but that
+he had no doubt it would be. This was a curious
+piece of refinement in the art of lying. Lord
+Spoonbill was too scrupulous to commit himself
+by a downright palpable falsehood, which might
+be detected, but instead of that he had recourse
+to one of those lies, which are not so easy of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[196]</a></span>
+detection, but which answer quite as well the
+purpose of deceit. It was quite as much a lie to
+say that he had no doubt that his offer would be
+accepted, as it would have been to say that it
+had already been accepted. But the one lie
+might have been detected, the other could not.
+He had doubts of his acceptance, and serious
+doubts too; but he thought that if the young
+lady and her father found that the match was
+countenanced by the Earl, and, if proposals
+could be fairly and fully made before Mr Darnley
+should have an opportunity of holding any intercourse
+with Miss Primrose or her father, there
+was a possibility of success.</p>
+
+<p>This information was indeed melancholy news
+to Lord Smatterton, who had enjoyed and pleased
+himself with the thought that he had to boast
+of true patrician blood, and who looked forward
+to see his only son uphold the dignity of his
+house. There is a pleasure in greatness which
+none but great ones know. It had been the
+pride of the Earl of Smatterton to look down<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[197]</a></span>
+with contempt on such noble families as had
+degraded themselves by admixture with plebeian
+blood. Now all his sneers and sarcasms, he
+thought, would be turned against himself, and it
+pained him to think that it might be said of him,
+&#8220;that is Lord Smatterton, whose son married a
+woman from the City.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>His lordship knew that his son was obstinate
+and headstrong, and he saw that there was no
+mode of preventing the catastrophe, if the young
+man had set his mind upon it. But notwithstanding
+he knew that opposition must be fruitless,
+he could not help speaking in his own
+peculiarly emphatic manner against the proposed
+match.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Spoonbill,&#8221; said the Earl, &#8220;marry Miss
+Primrose if you please; but remember&#8221;&mdash;here
+his lordship made a most magnificent pause&mdash;&#8220;remember
+that your establishment must be
+from the fortune of your destined bride. From
+me you have nothing.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Had circumstances been otherwise than they<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[198]</a></span>
+were, and not requiring such despatch, Lord
+Spoonbill would not have heeded this speech.
+He would have known that ultimately he should
+succeed with his magnificent father; but his
+object was to come to a speedy decision; he
+wished to be able at once to make a decided
+proposal. At this remark of his father Lord
+Spoonbill was angry and sulky, and he pettishly
+replied; &#8220;I think I have a right to marry as I
+please.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And I also have a right to use my property
+as I please; and I will never consent to appropriate
+any part of it to the purpose of introducing
+a woman of low birth into my family.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It may be very well supposed by our readers,
+that the discussion on this interesting topic between
+Lord Smatterton and his son did not end
+here; and we shall not be blamed for omitting
+the remainder of the angry discussion between
+father and son on this very interesting and
+delicate topic. It may be very easily imagined
+that the son went on grumbling, and that the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[199]</a></span>
+father went on prosing, for a considerable length
+of time, and that they did not arrive at any
+satisfactory conclusion.</p>
+
+<p>It may be also very easily imagined that when
+the melancholy intelligence was communicated
+to Lady Smatterton, her ladyship must have
+suffered very acutely when she found that her
+beloved and only child had so far forgotten the
+pure and high principles in which he had been
+nourished, as to think of bringing misery and
+disgrace into a noble family, by letting down the
+Spoonbills to an alliance with the Primroses.</p>
+
+<p>It is a pity that in these days of invention
+and ingenuity no contrivance can be hit upon
+for preventing such miserable and heart-breaking
+casualties, as patrician youths falling in love
+with plebeian damsels. The &#8220;order&#8221; of hereditary
+legislators has been in many instances most
+cruelly and mercilessly invaded by impertinent,
+instrusive plebeians. Sometimes love and sometimes
+necessity have compelled an union between
+the high and low; and yet, notwith<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[200]</a></span>standing
+these painful and melancholy admixtures,
+patricianism has kept up a very pretty
+spirit of distinctness, and does yet contain some
+choice specimens of the finer sorts of humanity.
+How much more magnificent and sublime patricianism
+might have been but for these admixtures,
+it is impossible to say.</p>
+
+<p>It is enough however for our present purpose
+to observe that, with all the power which Lord
+Spoonbill, as an only one and a spoiled child,
+possessed over his parents, he was not able, even
+with the additional force of his sulkiness and
+ill-humour, to bring them to assent to the ill-assorted
+union which he contemplated. The
+Earl and Countess of Smatterton could not give
+their consent to such a humiliating and degrading
+connexion. They did not indeed know who
+or what Mr Primrose was, but they did know
+who and what he was not. They knew that he
+was not of their set; that he was not a man of
+family or title, and that whatever property he
+might possess, he had acquired it by his own<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[201]</a></span>
+diligence or wit. Now that was an abomination,
+an indelible disgrace, a reproach not easily to
+be wiped away. They took it for granted,
+indeed, that Mr Primrose had some property;
+but if they had known that even the little property
+which he had was placed in jeopardy,
+their indignation would have been greater still
+at the folly of their own and only precious pet
+essaying to unite himself with a young woman
+who had nothing to recommend her but the
+possession of almost every virtue that can adorn
+the female character, united with a strong and
+masculine understanding, and embellished with
+gracefulness of manners, gentleness of deportment,
+and a moral dignity, which was high
+enough to look down with indifference on the
+accidental distinctions of society.</p>
+
+<p>All that Lord Spoonbill could gain from his
+inexorable and right honorable parents, was a
+promise that they would think about it.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[202]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">It</span> is a sad thing to be the most unfortunate
+creature in the world; and the only consolation
+under such calamity, is the thought that it is
+by no means uncommon. Almost every body is
+in this condition at some period or other of his
+life. This calamity befel Lord Spoonbill at the
+juncture of which we are now writing. It happened
+under the following circumstances.</p>
+
+<p>We have related that Mr Primrose, after hearing
+of the stoppage of his banker, went into the
+City to his agent at a preposterously late hour
+of the day, and that in so doing he lost his
+labour. We have also related that, during the
+absence of Mr Primrose from his hotel, the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[203]</a></span>
+Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill called and made
+overtures to Miss Primrose. We have also related
+that Lord Spoonbill, finding that it was
+absolutely impossible to live without Penelope,
+and finding also that, without an establishment, it
+would be as impossible to live with her, had made
+known to his respected parents his intention to
+lead that same young lady to the altar, or, in
+plain English, to marry her. Leading a lady
+to the altar is merely a newspaper phrase, and
+sounds heathenish; we ought rather to say,
+leading her to the communion table. But, not
+to use superfluous words, let us proceed.</p>
+
+<p>We have narrated that the right honorable
+parents of Lord Spoonbill were indignant at the
+proposal of their son, and we have also stated
+that despatch was to the young gentleman an
+object of the greatest importance. The reason
+why he was in so much haste has also been
+stated.</p>
+
+<p>Now it so happened, that on the very day on
+which the letter of Robert Darnley was inter<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[204]</a></span>cepted
+at the house of Lord Smatterton, and by
+the meanness of Lord Spoonbill, Mr Primrose
+went again into the City and called on his agent,
+and made enquiries concerning the probabilities
+or chances of his bankers paying a good dividend.
+In these enquiries he found himself most
+agreeably surprised, by ascertaining two very
+important points: one was, that only part, and
+that no very great part of his property had been
+paid into the hands of the said banker; and another
+was, that what had been already paid there
+would, in all probability, be soon forthcoming
+again, very little, if at all, diminished by the untoward
+circumstances that compelled a stoppage.</p>
+
+<p>While therefore Lord Spoonbill was sulking
+and pouting to his papa and mama about Penelope
+Primrose, that young lady was enjoying the
+agreeable and pleasant intelligence which her
+father had brought from the City. The brief
+discussion which passed between the father and
+daughter concerning the propriety of writing to
+Robert Darnley, we have already narrated. This<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[205]</a></span>
+took place on the morning of the day on which
+Mr Primrose, going into the City, found his affairs
+in so much better order than he had anticipated.</p>
+
+<p>On the evening of that day the subject was
+renewed, though but faintly and indirectly. But
+in the course of conversation Mr Primrose
+alluded to the offer which Mr Pringle, the new
+rector of Smatterton, had made of accommodating
+Mr Primrose with the parsonage-house, provided
+he should choose to take up his residence at Smatterton.
+Now Penelope loved Smatterton for
+many reasons. There had she first learned to
+know and feel what was real kindness of heart.
+With that village were blended all her early
+associations and recollections. She loved the
+village church, and there was to her ear music
+in its abrupt little ring of six small bells. The
+very air of the village was wholesome to her,
+morally as well as physically. The great booby
+boys and the freckled girls of the village were
+her intimates; not her companions indeed, but
+she could sympathize with them, although they<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[206]</a></span>
+could not always sympathize with her. She also
+knew the cows and the dogs and the horses.
+She knew the names of a great many of them;
+and very often, during her short sojourn in the
+great city, she had called to mind with a starting
+tear the recollection of the monotonous, drawling,
+daily tone, with which the farmers&#8217; men
+talked to these animals.</p>
+
+<p>When therefore her father proposed taking up
+his abode at Smatterton, and hiring for that purpose
+the parsonage-house, she altogether forgot
+its vicinity to Neverden and its association with
+the name of Darnley, and she was delighted with
+the prospect of going back again to those scenes
+with which her mind connected images of pleasure
+and recollections of peace.</p>
+
+<p>It was with ready and delightful acquiescence
+that Penelope assented to the proposal; and as
+Mr Primrose saw that his child was pleased with
+the thought of going to reside at Smatterton,
+he hastened to put his intentions into execution;
+and at the very time that Lord Spoonbill was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[207]</a></span>
+grumbling about his right to marry whomsoever
+he pleased, Mr Primrose was making arrangements
+to leave London.</p>
+
+<p>The father of Penelope was not slow in his
+movements, and he was not in the habit of giving
+his purposes time to cool. He wrote by that
+evening&#8217;s post to Smatterton, and at an early
+hour on the following morning he and his
+daughter commenced their journey.  So that
+when Lord Spoonbill, who heeded not his father&#8217;s
+long lecture on the subject of dignity,
+called again at Mr Primrose&#8217;s hotel, and heard
+that the gentleman and his daughter were gone,
+and that they were gone to Smatterton, then his
+lordship was grieved beyond measure, and his
+perplexity was serious, and his fears rose within
+him: for he took it for granted that there must
+soon be an interview and an explanation, and
+then he distrusted Nick Muggins, and there rose
+up before his mind&#8217;s eye the phantom of that
+ungainly cub and his clumsy pony: that image
+which, in the recollection of most who had seen<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[208]</a></span>
+it, would excite a smile at its uncouthness, was
+to the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill productive
+of very painful emotions and disagreeable
+apprehensions. So his lordship thought himself
+the most unfortunate creature in the world.</p>
+
+<p>Then again there was in his lordship&#8217;s possession
+the letter from Robert Darnley to Mr Primrose,
+and his lordship hardly knew what to do
+with that. He thought that the secret of his
+having already detained it for a whole day must
+inevitably transpire. Whether he should send
+it or detain it would be equally ruinous to his
+schemes. He looked very thoughtfully at the
+letter, and at length resolved to send it with an
+explanation to Mr Primrose at Smatterton. He
+thought that, if there should be on the letter
+any symptoms of curious or prying fingers, it
+might be attributed to any one rather than to
+his lordship; and he thought that, at the worst,
+no one would explicitly charge him with an
+attempt to penetrate into its secresy. The letter
+was therefore despatched with an apology for its<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[209]</a></span>
+detention as much like a lie as anything that a
+lord could write.</p>
+
+<p>There was nothing now left for Lord Spoonbill
+to do but to sigh over his calamitous loss
+as deeply as he could, and to explain to his
+father, as ingeniously as might be, the singular
+event of the sudden departure of Mr Primrose
+and his daughter from London, at the very moment
+when a right honorable suitor for the young
+lady&#8217;s hand had started up in the person of Lord
+Spoonbill. The son said it was very strange, and
+the father also thought it was very strange, and
+he recommended his son not to have any farther
+correspondence with persons who could behave
+thus disrespectfully. But the young gentleman
+was too much enamoured to listen to such advice,
+and he exercised most heartily all his little
+wits to devise means of carrying on his suit to
+Penelope.</p>
+
+<p>For the present we must leave his loving lordship
+in London, enjoying all the luxuries and
+splendors which gas, fog, smoke, foolery, wax<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[210]</a></span>
+candles, painted faces, late hours, French cookery,
+Italian music, prosy dancing, Whig politics,
+and patrician scandal, could afford him. It is
+far more to our taste to follow Mr Primrose and
+his daughter into the country than to remain
+with Lord Spoonbill in London. If any of our
+readers wish to know what Lord Spoonbill did
+with himself in London, they may form a tolerably
+correct idea from ascertaining how the rest
+of that tribe occupy their time. He was a very
+fashionable man, he knew all the common-places
+perfectly, and with his own set he was quite at
+home. There let us leave him.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose and Penelope travelled to Smatterton
+in perfect safety; and the father congratulated
+himself and his daughter upon their safe
+arrival, observing that had they ventured to use
+the stage-coach instead of post-chaises, they
+would certainly have had their necks broken
+at the bottom of some steep hill.</p>
+
+<p>Their reception at Smatterton parsonage was
+most cordial and highly courteous. Nothing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[211]</a></span>
+could exceed the happiness of the young rector
+in receiving under his roof so respected a friend
+as Mr Primrose. Preparations had been made
+according to the best of the young clergyman&#8217;s
+ability; and, as Mr Primrose&#8217;s letter mentioned
+the day and the hour of his arrival, Mr Pringle
+thought that he could not do otherwise than
+make a party to meet the gentleman at dinner.</p>
+
+<p>Since the departure of Mrs Greendale from
+Smatterton, the establishment of Mr Pringle had
+continued the same, but his domestics had not
+had a very bustling life; and they ventured to
+contradict the popular theory which represents
+man as a creature of habit. For during the
+reign of Mrs Greendale they had been accustomed
+to fly about the house with unceasing
+bustle and activity, but since her departure they
+had become almost as lazy as their master. The
+domestics were two female servants, one about
+sixty and the other about forty. They were
+clumsy and uncouth, but their clumsiness was
+hardly visible in the time of Mrs Greendale; for<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[212]</a></span>
+under her administration they had been habituated
+to move about with most marvellous celerity,
+and now that the old lady was departed
+they seemed glad to take breath, and they took
+it very leisurely. It was a great mercy that they
+were not absolutely broken-winded.</p>
+
+<p>There was also remaining in the establishment
+a man servant, an amphibious animal as it were,
+not because he lived partly on land and partly
+in water, but as living partly in the house and
+partly out of it. He was a mighty pluralist, and
+filled, or rather occupied, many places; and from
+the universality of his genius he might, had he
+been in higher station, have aspired to be prime
+minister, commander-in-chief, lord chancellor,
+and archbishop of Canterbury. As it was, his
+occupations were quite as multitudinous and
+heterogeneous. His great skill was in gardening,
+and finding that he was successful in cultivating
+cabbages, he ventured also to undertake the
+cavalry department in the late Dr Greendale&#8217;s
+service. His duties here were not many or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[213]</a></span>
+oppressive, seeing that the late doctor kept but
+one horse, and that was very quiet and gentle.
+This universal genius acted also as butler and
+footman. In this last capacity he did not shine.
+He did not want for head, he had enough of
+that, and more than enough. As for figure, it is
+difficult to say what that was, it was so exceedingly
+indefinite. It was considerate of the late
+Dr Greendale that he did not task the poor man
+very hardly as to his department of footman.
+But the new rector loved state, and it was his
+pride to keep a livery servant, and he would also
+insist upon the attendance of this man at table.
+And though the footman was not himself a great
+adept in waiting at table, he soon brought his
+master to wait.</p>
+
+<p>With this ungainly establishment, the Reverend
+Charles Pringle took it into his head to give a
+dinner to as many as he could collect, in order
+to pay a compliment to Mr Primrose, and to pay
+court to Miss Primrose. Unfortunately for Mr
+Pringle it did not answer.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[214]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It would be wearying to our readers to have
+the particulars and the failures of a clumsy
+mockery of an elegant dinner set forth at full
+length. Let it be supposed that there was expense,
+inelegance, constraint, anxiety, mortification.
+As we are not writing for cooks, we pass
+over the minutenesses of a spoiled dinner; the
+greatest evil of which was, that the party was in
+some degree silent during the progress of dinner,
+for they had not much opportunity of talking
+gastronomically.</p>
+
+<p>The English people can talk, but they must
+have something to begin with. If they meet out
+of doors, they must begin talking about the
+weather, and within doors, especially at dinner
+time, they must begin talking about eatables
+and drinkables. From such beginnings they can
+go on to any subject; but they must of necessity
+have a common-place beginning.</p>
+
+<p>After the cloth was removed, and the spoiled
+or ill-arranged dishes were forgotten, the party
+felt themselves more at liberty. We have not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[215]</a></span>
+yet named the persons who composed the party;
+and when we say that Mr Kipperson, Mr Zephaniah
+Pringle, and five or six of lesser note were
+present, our readers may well suppose that there
+was no lack of inclination to discourse, especially
+on the part of those two gentlemen whom we
+have named.</p>
+
+<p>Now it has been stated, that Zephaniah the
+critic had carried down to Smatterton an awkward
+rumour concerning Penelope Primrose.
+The source from whence the said critic had gathered
+the information has been also stated. But
+as soon as the intelligence of Mr Primrose&#8217;s
+intention to reside with his daughter at Smatterton
+reached the new rector, and was by him
+communicated to his brother and to Mr Kipperson,
+a virtual contradiction was given to the ill report;
+and then all three of the gentlemen found out
+that they had never believed it.</p>
+
+<p>To render themselves as agreeable as possible
+to Mr Primrose, the three whom we have named
+talked great abundance of nonsense and magni<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[216]</a></span>ficence.
+Their first concern immediately after
+dinner was to consult on the best means of saving
+the nation. Mr Kipperson was well satisfied
+that nothing would or could do the nation the
+slightest service, so long as the agricultural
+interest was neglected. There were two serious
+evils which were growing worse and worse, the
+increase of the population, and the importation
+of foreign grain. The ingenious agriculturist
+proved that the farmer was eaten up by the
+increasing population, and that the quantity of
+grain in the country was so large that it could
+not find consumers.</p>
+
+<p>Zephaniah Pringle agreed with Mr Kipperson
+in the grand principle that there were too many
+consumers for the corn, and too much corn for
+the consumers. There was the great evil, he
+thought, in these two troubles existing at once;
+were they in existence separately they might
+soon be got rid of. The consumers might consume
+an extra quantity, and soon settle matters
+in that way, or the want of corn might thin the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[217]</a></span>
+consumers, and soon settle matters that way.
+But, while the two evils operated together, they
+were dreadful calamities.</p>
+
+<p>Those of our readers who are not agriculturists,
+or political economists, cannot understand
+this reasoning, or, more properly speaking, they
+will not; they are blinded by their own interested
+feelings; they have prejudices which agriculturists
+have not.</p>
+
+<p>But though Zephaniah Pringle agreed with
+Mr Kipperson, that the people were starving because
+there was too much corn, and that the
+corn could not find consumers because there
+were so many people to eat it, yet he thought
+that there were more serious evils in the country
+yet. He thought that those obscure seditious
+newspapers and vile trumpery publications, which
+nobody reads and which everybody despises,
+which are published by a set of needy miscreants,
+who spare no expense in circulating
+them all over the kingdom, had corrupted the
+minds of all the people in this once happy land.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[218]</a></span>
+He thought that the nation was in a most prosperous
+condition, and that nothing was wanting
+to render it more prosperous, than an additional
+number of bishops, and an increase in the numbers
+of the yeomanry cavalry.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose listened with polite and pleased
+attention to these dextrous and acute politicians,
+and he thought that his Majesty need
+never be at a loss for a prime minister, or for
+two, if he wanted them, while Zephaniah Pringle
+and Mr Kipperson should live. But, as Mr
+Primrose was neither an agriculturist, nor a political
+economist, he felt himself a little puzzled
+to reconcile the apparent contradiction which
+was contained in Mr Kipperson&#8217;s statement of
+the agricultural grievances. Mr Kipperson was
+very properly angry with Mr Primrose for expressing
+a doubt on the subject; and the
+scientific agriculturist immediately and satisfactorily
+explained that all the superfluous population
+was pennyless, and could not pay for the
+corn which they would like to consume. Where<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[219]</a></span>upon
+Mr Primrose understood that in the good
+old times people were born with money in their
+pockets.</p>
+
+<p>Zephaniah Pringle almost feared that Mr
+Primrose was a radical, at least he thought he
+was in the high road to become so, unless he
+should resist that foolish propensity of wishing
+to understand what he talked about.</p>
+
+<p>There might have been at the table of Mr
+Pringle, rector of Smatterton, some diversity of
+political opinion, as there certainly was, seeing
+that Mr Kipperson was a Whig, and Zephaniah
+Pringle a Tory; but the corn question most cordially
+united them. How far these gentlemen
+differed in some other points, we have seen
+already in the matter of mechanics&#8217; institutes.
+On this subject Mr Kipperson&#8217;s hopes were
+rather too sanguine; and perhaps Zephaniah the
+critic was too nervously susceptible, on the
+other hand, of apprehensions of danger to the
+Protestant succession; for, to his mind, the mechanics&#8217;
+institutes had no other ultimate object<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[220]</a></span>
+in view than transubstantiation and republicanism.</p>
+
+<p>Concerning gymnastics, the gentlemen also
+differed. Zephaniah condemned them in toto,
+and so did the rector of Smatterton, in spite of
+his whiggism. Mr Kipperson spoke very learnedly
+about muscles and tension, and proved
+that bodily exercise was essential to intellectual
+vigour; but he had the candour to acknowledge
+that he could never persuade his men to take
+gymnastic exercises when their day&#8217;s work was
+over; and he attributed their ignorance of science
+to their neglect of gymnastics.</p>
+
+<p>The whole of the conversation, to which we
+have above alluded, did not take place in the
+hearing of Miss Primrose, nor indeed did one
+tenth part of it; for the fatigue of the journey,
+together with the agitation of her spirits, led her
+to make an early retreat from the dining-room.
+And the old female servant, who had known
+Penelope from childhood, was delighted in the
+opportunity of again attending upon her. Fluent<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[221]</a></span>
+was the old gentlewoman&#8217;s speech, and mightily
+communicative was she touching the various
+changes which had taken place in Smatterton
+and Neverden since the decease of the good
+Dr Greendale. The kind-hearted woman also
+expressed herself delighted at the return of Miss
+Primrose to Smatterton, inasmuch as there was
+one person who would be so happy to see her
+again, and that person was Mr Robert Darnley.
+Penelope begged that his name might never be
+mentioned again in her hearing, and thereupon
+the poor old domestic began to fear that there
+was some truth in the stories that had been
+talked about in the village concerning Miss
+Primrose and Lord Spoonbill. And when the
+old servant found that she could not talk to her
+late young mistress concerning love-matters, she
+hastily finished her discourse and left the young
+lady to retire quietly to rest.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[222]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">The</span> news of Mr Primrose&#8217;s arrival at Smatterton
+soon reached the rectory at Neverden. Had
+it not found its way there sooner, Mr Zephaniah
+Pringle would have been the first to communicate
+the intelligence on the following morning.
+The arrival having been announced, was of course
+expected. And there was much anxiety felt on
+the subject by all the parties concerned: of
+course more especially by Robert Darnley. For
+in consequence of his letter having been unanswered,
+he had fully determined, in spite of
+all domestic opposition and paternal expostulation,
+to make a journey to London for the purpose
+of explanation.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[223]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The elder Mr Darnley was mightily displeased
+to hear of the purpose which Mr Primrose had
+in view in coming to Smatterton. To the fastidious
+mind of the rector of Neverden it appeared
+very indelicate for Miss Primrose, after
+what had taken place, to throw herself in the
+way of Mr Robert Darnley: for in no other light
+could the rector of Neverden regard the meditated
+settlement of Mr Primrose at Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>It is a great pity that such a man as Mr
+Darnley, who had for the most part a good understanding
+and good feelings, should be so
+obstinate in his prejudices and so immoveable
+in his fancies. He had, for some reason or
+other, taken it into his head that Miss Primrose
+was proud and fantastical and unfeeling; and
+nothing could bring him to think favourably of
+her. He saw everything that she did or said
+through the deceptive medium of his erroneous
+apprehension of her character. It was a vain
+attempt to turn him from his humour. He
+had thoroughly believed at the first the calum<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[224]</a></span>nious
+report brought from London by Zephaniah
+Pringle. He had also believed that it was
+Penelope&#8217;s own wish, purpose, and desire, to
+adopt the musical profession; and though he
+had felt satisfied that the cessation of the correspondence
+between his son and the young lady
+had sprung altogether from the caprice of the
+latter, yet he considered that this meditated
+residence in Smatterton was, on the part of
+Penelope, with a desire of meeting again with
+Robert Darnley.</p>
+
+<p>We have already acknowledged, nor do we
+wish to retract the acknowledgment, that the
+rector of Neverden was a very conscientious,
+attentive, and upright parish priest; we will
+give him credit for great zeal and activity in
+the discharge of his pastoral duties; but, notwithstanding
+all this, he was grievously deficient
+in one part of the Christian character, seeing
+that he had very little of that &#8220;charity which
+thinketh no evil.&#8221; We have seen other good
+people, besides the rector of Neverden, who,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[225]</a></span>
+fancying themselves models of all that is right,
+and patterns for the rest of the world, have exercised
+a perverse ingenuity in discovering, and
+an unholy pleasure in displaying and condemning,
+their neighbours&#8217; faults, real or imaginary.
+These people imagine that they cannot show a
+dislike of what is wrong without exhibiting a
+degree of malignity against such as transgress.
+Now the late Dr Greendale, though a man of
+great purity and integrity, had no such feeling
+as this. He was as candid as he was pure, and
+his gentleness was equal to his integrity. And
+the people of his parish liked him very much for
+his goodness and gentleness, and so his character
+had a very powerful influence upon them.
+But Mr Darnley was a different kind of man.</p>
+
+<p>When Zephaniah Pringle therefore made his
+appearance at Neverden, and repeated the information
+which had already been conveyed to the
+rectory, as touching the arrival of Mr and Miss
+Primrose at Smatterton, the Rev. Mr Darnley<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[226]</a></span>
+expressed himself astonished at the indecorum
+and want of feeling which Miss Primrose
+manifested.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Mr Pringle, I am quite surprized at this
+intelligence. Your relative at Smatterton has
+certainly a right to let the parsonage-house if
+he pleases; but I must say that I could wish,
+for the sake of public morals, that it had a more
+respectable tenant.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Now as Penelope had appeared most truly
+respectable, and not a little fascinating in the
+eyes of Zephaniah the critic, and as he was not
+quite certain that the rumour which he had been
+the means of circulating was quite founded on
+fact, and as his doubts were stronger after he
+had seen Penelope and her father, he wished to
+unsay or to soften down what he had said. He
+therefore replied to the above exclamation:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[227]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;Why really, sir, I must say that I think Miss
+Primrose a respectable young lady, and it is
+probable that the report which I heard in town
+may not be perfectly correct. And indeed, as
+the lady is about to reside with her father, it is
+certainly not true to its full extent.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Mr Darnley was not much in the habit of
+changing his opinion on matters of fact any
+more than on matters of speculation; and having
+once felt himself persuaded that Miss Primrose
+had acted improperly, it was no easy matter
+for Mr Pringle to bring him to change the view
+which he had entertained of the young lady&#8217;s
+character. Reasoning may be a very fine thing,
+and logic may be a very fine thing, and facts may
+be very stubborn things; but neither reasoning
+nor logic can make a man change his opinion, if
+he does not like to do so; and there are no facts
+in the world so stubborn as a conceited man&#8217;s
+own stubborn will. Mr Darnley took it for
+granted that whatever he took for granted must
+be most incontestably true; and Mr Darnley had
+taken it for granted that Miss Primrose had
+not demeaned herself aright, and nothing could
+convince him to the contrary. He adhered to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[228]</a></span>
+the general thought, though beaten out of all
+its particulars. We would not recommend
+any one who has exalted notions of the power
+of reasoning and the force of evidence, to endeavour
+to convince another of any fact or speculation,
+till that other has shewn symptoms
+of an inclination to believe such fact or to
+adopt such theory.</p>
+
+<p>It was all in vain that Zephaniah Pringle contended
+that Miss Primrose could not possibly
+be living dishonorably with Lord Spoonbill in
+London, while she was living quietly and reputably
+with her father at Smatterton. Mr
+Darnley had made up his mind, and nothing
+could shake his conclusions. Of some heads it
+is observed, that you can get nothing into them;
+of others it may with as much truth be said,
+that you can get nothing out of them. In this
+latter predicament was placed the head of the
+rector of Neverden.</p>
+
+<p>When therefore Zephaniah found that no impression
+was to be made on Mr Darnley, he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[229]</a></span>
+gave up the discussion, not a little regretting
+that he himself had, for the sake of gratifying a
+little vanity in talking about his own intimacy
+with Lord Spoonbill, done an injury which he
+could not undo. He began also to fear lest he
+should be detected and exposed; and under that
+apprehension he found himself uneasy at Smatterton,
+and wished that his visit was finished.
+This served him perfectly right. He had made
+public talk of what had been told to him in
+confidence, and as a secret, and he had circulated
+a calumnious report, careless whether it were
+true or false, and heedless what injury it might
+inflict upon innocence, or what misery it might
+occasion to those concerned.</p>
+
+<p>Yet this prodigiously conceited puppy could
+and did in his critical lucubrations write himself
+down as being most zealously devoted to the
+service of religion, and he would make a mighty
+noise about those most execrable and abominable
+caitiffs, who presume to question one iota of the
+faith according to Queen Elizabeth.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[230]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It is hard, very hard, that religion should have
+to bear the reproach of the whims, vagaries,
+bigotry, and fanaticism of many, who are sincere
+in their profession and honest in their intemperate
+zeal; but it is doubly hard that a set of
+coxcomical greenhorns, who scarcely know the
+difference between the Bible and the Koran, who
+cannot tell why they believe, and who do not
+care what they believe, who never enter a church,
+and who never doubt because they never think,
+it is doubly hard that all their impertinent arrogance
+should be laid to the charge of a religion
+which has never influenced one action of their
+lives, or one thought of their hearts.</p>
+
+<p>Finding that Mr Darnley the elder would not
+listen to or be influenced by any recantation of
+his calumny, the critic next sought for the young
+gentleman to whom he made known the fact of
+the arrival of Mr Primrose at Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>During the visit, which the loyal and religious
+Zephaniah Pringle paid at Smatterton, there had
+been comparatively little intercourse between him<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[231]</a></span>
+and Robert Darnley. This was owing to two
+causes: in the first place, Robert Darnley was
+in low spirits, and had not much intercourse with
+any one; and, in the second place, he had a
+contempt for puppyism, and Zephaniah had wit
+<ins title="original: enoug">enough</ins> to see that he had.</p>
+
+<p>In the present instance it was an object with
+Mr Pringle to correct any erroneous notion which
+he might have conveyed to the mind of Mr
+Robert Darnley; he therefore began the conversation.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I think I must have been in an error when
+I informed you, as you may remember, that Miss
+Primrose was living with Lord Spoonbill.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Very likely you were, sir,&#8221; replied Mr Robert
+Darnley, somewhat abruptly; &#8220;but did you not
+insinuate to me that you had the information
+from Lord Spoonbill himself?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This question was perplexing to the critic.
+He had insinuated as much, but he had not
+absolutely said so. Therefore he could not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[232]</a></span>
+promptly reply in the negative, but was forced
+to make use of a little circumlocution, saying:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why not exactly so; I did not say that Lord
+Spoonbill himself told me in so many words:
+I merely&mdash;I said&mdash;-that is&mdash;a very intimate friend
+of Spoonbill said, that he thought&mdash;that is, he
+understood that&mdash;I believe he said that he had
+reason to suspect that some arrangement was
+likely to be made&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Thereupon the explanation tapered off into an
+indistinct muttering that was sufficient, if for
+no other purpose, at least to show that Mr
+Zephaniah Pringle was a sneaking, shuffling,
+contemptible fellow. Robert Darnley was not
+in the habit of flying into a violent passion when
+he felt contempt for any meanness of character
+or conduct; if such had been his temperament,
+the present was an occasion, all circumstances
+being considered, strong enough to tempt him to
+knock a fool&#8217;s head and the wall together. He
+contented himself with coolly saying:</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[233]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is a great pity, sir, that you should have
+circulated a report of that nature before you
+were quite certain that it was true.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am very sorry indeed,&#8221; replied Zephaniah,
+&#8220;that I was led into such an error.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, well,&#8221; said Robert Darnley, &#8220;I dare
+say it will not be productive of any very serious
+consequence. Nobody who was at all acquainted
+with Miss Primrose could possibly believe the
+report.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Zephaniah Pringle thought it but poor consolation
+to be told that he was not likely to
+be believed. He felt himself indeed so thoroughly
+humbled, that he was heartily glad to
+bring his conference with Robert Darnley to
+a close. The critic very soon said, &#8220;Good morning,&#8221;
+and Robert Darnley returned his &#8220;Good
+morning&#8221; in such a tone, and with such an air,
+as to make Zephaniah experience the sensation
+of being looked down upon.</p>
+
+<p>It was a great refreshment and relief to the
+mind of the younger Darnley, to hear that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[234]</a></span>
+Penelope and her father had arrived at Smatterton.
+He had never believed the calumnious
+tale of the loyal and religious critic, but he
+certainly did entertain some apprehension that
+assiduous attentions from a person of high rank
+and large estate might produce in time an effect
+even upon the mind of Penelope. As now Mr
+Primrose had come down expressly to take up
+his residence at Smatterton, and as this was not
+a time of year for such families as that of the
+Earl of Smatterton to take up their abode in
+the country, there was some ground to hope that,
+if the young nobleman had even made endeavours
+to gain the affection of Penelope, he had
+not succeeded.</p>
+
+<p>It was the blessing of Robert Darnley&#8217;s mind
+that he had a disposition to look on the most
+favorable aspect of events, and it was not in his
+nature to yield himself up to a slight misunderstanding
+or misapprehension. Many miseries
+might be avoided if mankind possessed in general
+a little more of that kind of considerate<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[235]</a></span>ness;
+but the evil is, that they too often take
+up with any idle tale, and are led by the merest
+and slightest apprehensions into quarrels, coldnesses,
+and loss of friendships: inasmuch, that
+a quarrel is courteously called a misunderstanding,
+much to the reproach indeed of the misunderstanders;
+for it is thereby intimated that
+the parties quarrel merely for the want of taking
+the pains to understand one another, or sometimes
+perhaps to understand themselves.</p>
+
+<p>Under the circumstances which belong to this
+narration, it would have been very possible for
+two simpletons to have made themselves completely
+wretched. And as some people are very
+glad to be miserable for the sake of the pathos
+and sentimentality thereof, we will tell these
+people, though perhaps they could find it out
+without our assistance, how they might make
+themselves truly wretched under similar circumstances.</p>
+
+<p>To gain this desirable end, the gentleman and
+the lady should have despaired of meeting each<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[236]</a></span>
+other again, and should have carefully avoided
+everything that might lead to an explanation,
+and they should, while very much in love with
+each other, have made all possible haste to give
+their hands to another. They ought to have
+married, as it were, out of spite, and then after
+marriage they ought to have met by accident,
+and to have explained; and then they ought to
+have compared notes, and to have made it out
+that one had the worst husband, and the other
+the worst wife, in the world; and then they
+would have had nothing more to do than to
+have made a very pretty tragical conclusion of
+the business, either giving employment to, what
+the newspapers call, the gentlemen of the long
+robe, or, more seriously still, causing the calling
+together of a coroner&#8217;s jury.</p>
+
+<p>It was well for Robert Darnley that such was
+not his disposition. He thought it much the
+best to ascertain, if he possibly could, what were
+Penelope&#8217;s real sentiments; and for that purpose
+he had already spoken to her father, and, as no<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[237]</a></span>
+result had come from speaking, he had written;
+and if his letter had not been soon answered, or
+if Mr Primrose had not arrived at Smatterton,
+he would have visited the party in London.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[238]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">The</span> arrival of Mr Primrose and Penelope at
+Smatterton gave trouble and disturbance to many
+minds there, and at Neverden. We shall be
+fortunate if, without tediousness, we can explain this.</p>
+
+<p>Zephaniah Pringle was troubled, because he
+laboured under the apprehension that some kind
+friend or other might communicate to the father
+what had been said of the daughter. And Zephaniah
+very naturally thought that the young
+lady&#8217;s father would resent the insult very much
+to the inconvenience, bodily or mental, of the
+said loyal and religious critic.</p>
+
+<p>The elder Mr Darnley was troubled, as we<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[239]</a></span>
+have already intimated, lest this arrival should
+again unsettle the mind of his son. Mrs Darnley
+also thought it was a pity, now Robert
+had so nearly recovered his spirits, that there
+should be any probability of his being again
+disturbed. Miss Mary Darnley, who, by frequent
+literary and scientific discussions with the
+learned and scientific Mr Kipperson, had become
+a great admirer of the gentleman, was jealous
+of the presence of Miss Primrose again in the
+country. The two other young ladies, who did
+not like to hear their father preach, except in
+the pulpit, were troubled with the apprehension
+of long lectures on the impropriety of being
+improperly in love.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Kipperson also had his troubles; for though
+it would have given him great pleasure to have
+gained the heart of Miss Primrose, he thought
+he saw several formidable rivals among gentlemen
+of more suitable age. But Mr Kipperson
+had too much self-love to suffer much from love
+of any other description. Robert Darnley was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[240]</a></span>
+troubled and perplexed, though very much
+pleased. He now saw that he should have
+an opportunity of ascertaining the truth: but
+in either case there was an evil. For if Penelope
+still retained a regard for him, there was yet
+to be dreaded the opposition of his father; and
+if she did not, the change would be painful to
+him.</p>
+
+<p>But the greatest trouble was at Neverden Hall.
+There was residing under the roof of Sir George
+Aimwell a young lady, who had been consigned
+to the care of the worthy baronet. The name
+of this lady was Arabella Glossop. She had
+very recently been sent to Neverden by her
+careful father, in order that time, absence, and
+change of scene, might eradicate from her mind
+an unfortunate attachment which she had formed
+for a pennyless lieutenant.</p>
+
+<p>Here we cannot but suggest to our legislators
+an improvement, which might and ought to be
+made in our military code. It is melancholy to
+think how many instances have occurred of men<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[241]</a></span>
+of low family and no fortune winning the hearts
+of young ladies of high birth, of respectable
+connexions, and of good fortune. This might
+be prevented by a law, making it felony for a
+military officer without fortune to fall in love
+with a lady of good family.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Glossop was not indeed of high family;
+but she was the daughter of a gentleman whose
+family had with great diligence been pushing
+itself up into consideration and importance.
+The mortification of anything like a humiliating
+connexion was so much the greater. Mr Glossop,
+the young lady&#8217;s father, was an eminent
+solicitor in a small but genteel town, and had
+married a distant relation of Sir George Aimwell.
+Of this connexion Mr Glossop was naturally
+proud; and he made the most of it.</p>
+
+<p>In the town where he lived was a theatre;
+and the company which performed there was
+pronounced by such London performers as occasionally
+lent their mighty selves for provincial
+exhibition, to be one of the best provincial com<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[242]</a></span>panies
+they had ever performed with. When an
+actor from London made his appearance on the
+stage, Miss Glossop honored the theatre with her
+presence. Greatly did the young lady surprize
+the natives by her studied inattention to what
+was passing on the stage. It was to her a mighty
+amusement to laugh and talk aloud, especially
+during those passages of the performance which
+were most interesting to the rest of the audience.
+By such means did Miss Glossop manifest
+her own importance and superiority. This
+kind of public rudeness passed with the ignorant
+people in the country for elegance and
+fashion.</p>
+
+<p>The young lady was in error in this respect.
+But not only was she wrong in her calculations in
+this point. Many other blunders did she make.
+For being very pretty, she thought herself handsome;
+and being tall, she thought herself elegant;
+and being acquainted with many books, she
+thought herself learned; and having a full, clear,
+comprehensive voice, she thought herself a beau<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[243]</a></span>tiful
+singer; and being able to perform at sight
+very complicated pieces of music, she apprehended
+that she was an excellent musician; and
+being rude and blunt in her manner of speaking,
+she thought herself a person of great intellectual
+superiority; and from being very much stared at,
+she took it for granted that she was very much
+admired.</p>
+
+<p>Now this lady did not apprehend that there
+was any individual in the compass of her provincial
+acquaintance worthy to aspire to the
+honor of her hand; and she was in the habit of
+giving herself such arrogant and domineering
+airs at the country balls, that a facetiously inclined
+young gentleman once actually contrived
+in the advertisement announcing these balls, to
+have the name of Arabella Glossop, Esq., printed
+as one of the stewards. The circumstance caused
+a great deal of talk at the time; but it is now
+totally forgotten, or at least very seldom alluded
+to. The printer of the paper was forced to tell<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[244]</a></span>
+a great many lies to save himself from serious
+inconvenience.</p>
+
+<p>At one of these country balls there happened
+to be a lieutenant who was quartered in that
+neighbourhood, and was a person of exceedingly
+good address, and also of good understanding,
+except that he was so very desirous of obtaining
+a fortune, that, for the sake of money, he would
+willingly have married Miss Glossop. He had
+heard reports of the lady&#8217;s fortune, and these
+reports were of course exaggerated. He paid
+the usual attentions, and was so far successful
+that, had it not been for some untoward accident,
+Mr Glossop&#8217;s ambition of matching his daughter
+with some gentleman of fortune and consideration
+in the county, would have been frustrated
+by a poor lieutenant.</p>
+
+<p>As soon as the unfortunate attachment was
+made known to the father, he put himself with
+all suitable speed into a most towering passion;
+he banged all the doors, thumped all the tables,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[245]</a></span>
+kicked all the chairs, and, but for the interference
+of Mrs Glossop, would have broken all the
+crockery in the house, because his daughter
+would not listen to reason. The young lady
+was locked up; but the young lady grew sulky,
+and thought that her dear lieutenant was the
+most charming creature in the world, because
+her father was in a violent passion. And the
+more angry was Mr Glossop, the more deeply in
+love was Miss Glossop.</p>
+
+<p>We have said that the young lady was locked
+up. Now Arabella did not like this discipline,
+and she seriously threatened her inexorable paa,
+that if she was not suffered to have her own
+way, she would either starve herself to death, or
+go mad. This last idea was no doubt suggested
+by a pathetic passage in one of Oliver Goldsmith&#8217;s
+poems, wherein he says:</p>
+
+<p>
+&#8220;The dog to gain his private ends<br />
+Went mad.&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;<br />
+</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[246]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Whatever apprehensions Mr Glossop might
+entertain concerning his daughter&#8217;s madness, he
+certainly had some slight idea that he himself
+might be driven mad by the young lady&#8217;s perverseness
+and obstinacy. Therefore he adopted
+the very wise and prudent precaution, in such
+cases made and provided, of sending the lovely
+and loving Arabella to his worthy friend and
+relative, Sir George Aimwell, Bart.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Glossop wisely thought that absence and
+change of scene might produce a beneficial
+change in his daughter&#8217;s mind. The worthy
+baronet was pleased with the charge; for as the
+shooting season was nearly over, and as he had
+suffered very bitterly from the encroachments of
+the poachers, and as the transgressing ones had
+made their escape, he was glad of anything that
+promised him a little amusement. Arabella had
+always been a favorite with the baronet on
+account of her high spirit, and when he heard
+of the nature of the complaint which rendered<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[247]</a></span>
+change of air desirable, he very readily undertook
+the charge, thinking that a better remedy was
+within reach, and that Robert Darnley might
+very probably banish from the mind of his young
+kinswoman all thoughts of the poor lieutenant.</p>
+
+<p>Nor did the baronet judge unwisely. For, as
+soon as the lady had taken up her abode at
+Neverden Hall, her spirits revived, and her wit
+and humour were all alive again, and her love
+of admiration was as strong as ever, and she
+very soon pronounced Robert Darnley to be a
+charming young fellow. The worthy baronet
+was pleased with such good symptoms, and had
+written word to her father accordingly. To a
+match of this nature Mr Glossop had no very
+great objection. The Darnleys were of good
+family, and the young man was likely to have a
+good property. Perhaps, Mr Glossop would
+have preferred an union with the family of the
+Earl of Smatterton; but at all events the Darnleys
+were better than poor lieutenants.</p>
+
+<p>The circumstance of Arabella Glossop being<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[248]</a></span>
+placed under the care of Sir George Aimwell,
+had rendered the intercourse between the hall
+and the rectory rather more frequent than usual;
+and the baronet had of course been made acquainted
+with the fact of Robert Darnley&#8217;s former
+engagement to Miss Primrose. When,
+therefore, Penelope and her father made their
+appearance at Smatterton again, and thus gave
+a virtual contradiction to the calumnious report
+which Mr Zephaniah Pringle had circulated, Sir
+George began to be apprehensive that his
+schemes with regard to the son of the rector of
+Neverden were very likely to fail.</p>
+
+<p>We have now explained according to the best
+of our ability, and in as few words as distinctness
+would permit us to use, the varied perplexities
+occasioned by the apparently simple fact of
+Mr Primrose and his daughter taking up their
+abode at Smatterton rectory. Oh! how complicated
+are the interests of humanity, and what
+mighty changes are made in the history of the
+world and the destiny of nations by movements<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[249]</a></span>
+apparently trifling and of no moment. Common
+people do not observe these things; it is only
+such wise people, gentle reader, as you and I
+and Tacitus, that can take a philosophical and
+comprehensive view of the history of man. But
+we must economise our wisdom, or it will not
+hold out. Therefore let us proceed with our
+history.</p>
+
+<p>The letter which Robert Darnley had written
+to Mr Primrose, and which the Right Honorable
+Lord Spoonbill had fruitlessly fumbled and
+tumbled to ascertain the contents thereof, found
+its way at last into the hands for which it was
+by its writer originally destined. It was brought
+to Smatterton, as usual, by Nick Muggins.</p>
+
+<p>Nick was a poor lad and a somewhat simple
+one, though not altogether lacking craftiness.
+He was not so rich as an archdeacon, but he had
+not quite determined that he was too poor to
+keep a conscience; therefore he had not entirely
+given it up for a bad job. He kept a pony&mdash;he
+was almost forced to do so&mdash;but he kept his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[250]</a></span>
+pony very scantily and worked it hardly, and
+the beast was at best but a queer kind of animal.
+It would have been a riddle to Buffon, and a
+treasure to Sir Joseph Banks. Nick&#8217;s conscience
+was kept about as scurvily as his pony,
+and was much such another nondescript; but,
+like his pony, it answered his purpose as well as a
+better; it was kicked, cuffed, and buffeted about,
+but still it was a conscience.</p>
+
+<p>Now this conscience, such as it was, smote
+poor Muggins right heartily when he delivered
+into the fair hands of Penelope Primrose a letter
+for her father. The poor lad recollected that he
+had, at Lord Spoonbill&#8217;s expense, drunk several
+more quarts of strong beer and glasses of gin
+than would otherwise have fallen to his lot, and
+that he had obtained these extra luxuries by
+putting into the hands of his lordship those
+letters which he ought to have delivered to
+Penelope Primrose.</p>
+
+<p>When Penelope left Smatterton, and was residing
+in London, Nick thought little or nothing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[251]</a></span>
+concerning his treachery. But now she had
+returned to the country again, and he had seen
+her, and she had spoken to him kindly and
+civilly, and had condescended to make enquiries
+after his poor old mother, his heart melted
+within him, and he could hardly speak to her.
+It was very kind of her to come out and speak
+to him, there was not one young lady in a hundred
+who would have condescended so much.
+Poor Muggins could not think what had bewitched
+him to play the traitor to so beautiful,
+so elegant, and so sweet-tempered a young lady
+as Miss Primrose; for Nick had a notion of
+elegance and beauty, though, to look at himself
+and his pony, one would hardly have imagined it.</p>
+
+<p>That was a curious refinement in Nick&#8217;s
+conscience, that he should reproach himself so
+much the more bitterly for his transgression,
+because the person whom he had injured was
+beautiful and sweet-tempered. Perhaps he
+would have thought less of the matter had Miss
+Primrose been a little, under-sized, snub-nosed,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[252]</a></span>
+cross-grained old maid. But that is a very
+dangerous and wicked mode of reasoning, and
+wiser people than Nick Muggins are guilty of
+it; let such persons be told that under-sized,
+snub-nosed, cross-grained old maids have as
+much feeling as the rest of the world, and are
+as much entitled to the advantages and protection
+of the laws of humanity as the young, and
+the lovely, and the amiable.</p>
+
+<p>Be this as it may, still the ungainly post-boy
+felt rather awkwardly and looked foolishly
+when he thus encountered the unexpected appearance
+and condescension of Penelope Primrose.
+And when he returned home to his
+mother&#8217;s cottage, he could not help acknowledging
+to her his transgressions, and speaking of
+the remorse that he felt.</p>
+
+<p>The old woman however thought and said,
+that what was done could not be undone, and
+that he had better be more cautious another
+time, and that mayhap it might not be a matter
+of much consequence; just a love affair like, or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[253]</a></span>
+some sich stuff; and she concluded by telling
+him never to take money out of letters for fear
+of being hanged.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But I am so sorry, mother,&#8221; said Nick,
+&#8220;you can&#8217;t think what a nice, kind young lady
+Miss Primrose is.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay, ay,&#8221; said Mrs Muggins, in reply, &#8220;and
+so is my Lord Spoonbill a very nice young
+gentleman. Never mind now, only don&#8217;t do so
+again. And what&#8217;s the use of your telling Miss
+Primrose anything about it?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh why, because somehow I think it was
+such a pity like. She is so pretty.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nonsense, boy; Lord Spoonbill is a person
+of much greater consequence than a dozen pretty
+Miss Primroses. I am sure he is as nice a man
+as ever lived.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Nick muttered something about Lord Spoonbill&#8217;s
+large whiskers, and the colloquy ceased;
+but Nick was fidgetty still.</p>
+
+<p>The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill suffered
+much uneasiness, and would, had he known<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[254]</a></span>
+what was passing in the mind of Nick Muggins,
+have suffered much more. But our business is
+now with the good people at Smatterton and
+Neverden, and we must therefore leave his lordship
+to bear his troubles by himself as well as
+he can.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[255]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">On</span> the Sunday after their arrival, Mr Primrose
+and his daughter made their appearance at
+church, and the people of the village stared at
+them of course. The rector of Smatterton
+preached one of his best sermons, and in his
+best style. The eloquence was lost upon all his
+audience, except Mr Primrose and his daughter;
+they attended to the preacher, and the rest of
+the congregation attended to them.</p>
+
+<p>When the service was over, Penelope took her
+father to look at the monument which had been
+raised in the churchyard to the memory of Dr
+Greendale. It was a very handsome monument,
+and had been put up at the expense of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[256]</a></span>
+Earl of Smatterton. There was a very long and
+elaborate eulogium on the deceased, which had
+been drawn up, it is supposed, by Mr Darnley,
+but subsequently corrected and altered by the
+Earl of Smatterton in the first instance, and in
+the next by the stone-mason.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose had been so long out of England
+that, for aught he knew to the contrary, it might
+be the fashion now to write nonsense on grave
+stones. There was however a kind intention,
+and Mr Primrose was pleased with it. While
+the father and daughter were thus mournfully
+enjoying the contemplation of this memorial of
+their deceased relative&#8217;s virtues, the great boys
+and girls of the village who had been in the
+habit of bowing and curtseying to Penelope, and
+who remembered that their homage had been
+graciously received while she lived there under
+her uncle&#8217;s roof, now thronged almost rudely
+round them, as if with a view of attracting the
+lady&#8217;s notice.</p>
+
+<p>For a little while Penelope was too much taken<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[257]</a></span>
+up to notice them; but when her curiosity had
+been gratified, and her feelings had been indulged
+by a few gentle and stainless tears shed to
+the memory of her departed benefactor, she turned
+round and took particular notice of such as she
+remembered. She asked them such questions as
+occurred to her concerning their respective families
+and occupations, and she heard many an old
+story repeated concerning the aged and infirm.
+Enquiries were made by Penelope after grandfathers
+and grandmothers, and in one or two
+instances of great grandmothers. These enquiries
+were copiously or sheepishly answered,
+according to the several tastes and habits of the
+persons answering them.</p>
+
+<p>There was one little girl in the group whose
+face Penelope did not recollect. The child looked
+very earnestly at her, and seemed several times
+as if about to make an effort to speak, but awe
+held her back. With her, and as if urging her
+on to speak, was another and greater girl. And
+the greater girl moved the little one towards<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[258]</a></span>
+Miss Primrose, and the poor little girl coloured
+up to the eyes; but she had gone too far to
+retract, and she was emboldened at last by
+Penelope&#8217;s kind looks to make a very pretty
+curtsey and say, &#8220;Please Miss&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The poor thing could get no farther, till
+Penelope relieved her embarrassment by taking
+hold of her hand and saying, &#8220;Well, my dear,
+what have you to say to me? I have no recollection
+that I have ever seen you before. How
+long have you lived at Smatterton?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Then the little one was emboldened to speak,
+and she told Penelope that she had but recently
+come there, and that she had taken the liberty
+to speak, because she had some few weeks ago
+picked up a letter directed to Miss Primrose.</p>
+
+<p>Hereupon the girl drew from her pocket a
+handkerchief which was carefully folded up, and
+when with great ceremony the handkerchief was
+unfolded, a letter made its appearance, which
+did not seem to have required much careful enveloping
+to keep it clean. It was miserably dirty,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[259]</a></span>
+and the direction was barely visible. Penelope
+wondered indeed that the child had been able to
+make out the inscription, so far as to ascertain
+to whom it was addressed; but the hand-writing
+was so manifestly Robert Darnley&#8217;s, that the
+young lady felt too much emotion and too eager
+a curiosity to wait to ask any farther particulars
+of the mode, place and time in which the letter
+was found. Only waiting to ask the child her
+name and place of abode, and to make such
+acknowledgment as is expected in such cases,
+Penelope hastened home full of contending and
+harassing thoughts, unable to form the slightest
+conjecture of a satisfactory nature concerning
+this strange occurrence.</p>
+
+<p>Now this letter, together with that which
+Robert Darnley had written to Mr Primrose,
+and which Mr Primrose gave to his daughter for
+her perusal, set the question completely at rest
+in the mind of Penelope, and assured her that
+the young gentleman had not by any neglect
+designed to break off the correspondence.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[260]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>But when one difficulty was removed, another
+started up in its place. There was something
+very remarkable in a letter being dropped out of
+the bag; but though it was barely possible that
+such mishap might have befallen one letter, it
+was by no means a supposable case that several
+letters in succession passing between the same
+persons should all have met with the same accident.
+In the interruption of these letters there
+was clearly design and intention; but what was
+the design, or who was the designer, Penelope
+could not conjecture. Her suspicions could not
+find an object to rest upon; she was not aware of
+having any enemies, and of course she could not
+imagine that any one but an enemy could have
+behaved so cruelly. She concluded, therefore,
+as far as in such a case any conclusion could
+be made, that the interruption of the correspondence
+must have been effected by some enemy of
+Robert Darnley.</p>
+
+<p>It was not very pleasant to have the idea of
+some concealed and unascertained enemy, but<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[261]</a></span>
+there was something gratifying to Penelope in
+having discovered that verily the cessation of the
+correspondence had not been voluntary on the
+part of her lover. Therefore, as it appeared from
+the letter which had been picked up that the
+young gentleman had not ceased to write, even
+after he had some ground to fear that the correspondence
+was discontinued by the young
+lady, and as it was also manifest from the letter
+addressed to Mr Primrose, that Robert Darnley
+was still desirous of an explanation of the young
+lady&#8217;s silence, Penelope could not any longer
+resist her father&#8217;s proposal that he should write
+to the young gentleman.</p>
+
+<p>The answer was accordingly sent to Robert
+Darnley, and the explanation which he sought
+was amply and fully given. He was also as
+much puzzled as the young lady was at the
+circumstance of the letter being picked up, and
+his conjectures found no resting place. His
+immediate impulse was to make direct enquiry
+of the post-boy, and to extort from him, if pos<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[262]</a></span>sible,
+some account of the very remarkable fact
+of a correspondence actually suppressed by the
+failure of three letters in succession.</p>
+
+<p>But there was a more interesting matter yet
+to attend to, and that was the meeting with
+Penelope after a long absence and an interrupted
+correspondence. Robert Darnley knew
+his father&#8217;s temperament, and felt a difficulty in
+mentioning the subject to him, but still he could
+not think of renewing the acquaintance with a
+view to marriage, without explicitly informing
+his father of the intention.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Primrose and his daughter had now been
+at Smatterton a few days, and as the two villages
+were so remarkably intimate with each
+other, it was impossible for anything to take
+place in the one without its being known in the
+other. The arrival of the parties had been made
+known, as we have seen, at the rectory of Neverden,
+and apprehensions were entertained by
+the daughters of Mr Darnley that their father
+would be grievously liberal of his wise exhorta<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[263]</a></span>tions
+to his yet enamoured son. And when two
+or three days had passed away, and not a word
+of public notice had been taken of the fact in the
+family of the rector, the young ladies began to
+please themselves with the hope that no notice
+would be taken of the matter, and they trusted
+that some circumstance or other might remove
+Penelope again, and finally, from Smatterton;
+or, as they thought it not unlikely, their brother
+might soon fix his affections elsewhere.</p>
+
+<p>It was very clear to the young ladies that
+Miss Glossop, notwithstanding her recent disappointment,
+was something of an admirer of
+their brother; and it was obvious that Sir
+George Aimwell was desirous of cultivating an
+acquaintance between the parties. The worthy
+baronet was unusually eloquent in praising Miss
+Glossop, and mightily ingenious in discovering
+innumerable, and to other eyes undiscernible,
+good qualities in his fair kinswoman. But though
+Sir George was a magistrate and a game preserver,
+he was no conjurer. He was not aware<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[264]</a></span>
+that there could exist any diversities of taste;
+but he seemed to imagine that those qualities
+which were agreeable to himself must be agreeable
+to everybody else; and when he was
+descanting on the multitudinous excellences of
+Miss Glossop, and describing her to Robert
+Darnley as possessing every possible and impossible
+virtue, he did not see that the young man&#8217;s
+mind was of a complexion widely different from
+his own. It was not therefore to this young
+lady that the daughters of the rector of Neverden
+looked forward as the person likely to
+liberate them from Miss Primrose.</p>
+
+<p>Their hope was altogether of an undefined
+nature. They merely hoped and trusted that
+something would occur to relieve them from
+their present uncomfortable condition. This undefined
+hope is, perhaps, after all the best that
+we can entertain. It may appear not very rational,
+but we have a notion that in serious truth it is
+a great deal more rational than that hope which
+seems to have a foundation in something pro<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[265]</a></span>bable:
+for it is in the very nature and condition
+of earthly events, that they almost invariably
+disappoint expectation and miserably mock our
+sagacity. If therefore our hopes be of something
+definite, they will be almost assuredly
+disappointed; but if we only hope generally and
+indefinitely that something, we know not what,
+may occur to remove the cause of our troubles,
+we may have a much better chance that we shall
+not be disappointed. The chances in our favor
+are thus indefinitely multiplied.</p>
+
+<p>The hope of the young ladies, that nothing
+would be said about Miss Primrose because
+nothing had been said about her for several days,
+was disappointed on the very morning that Mr
+Primrose sent his answer to Robert Darnley,
+explaining the cause of the suspension of the
+correspondence. The note from Mr Primrose
+was brought to Neverden by the trusty servant
+and universal genius who performed at Smatterton
+rectory the various duties of foot<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[266]</a></span>man,
+groom, gardener, butler, stable-boy, and
+porter.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Darnley, whose eyes were ever vigilant,
+no sooner saw the messenger than he conjectured
+what was the object of his coming; that is, he
+so far conjectured as to form an idea that the
+note was with reference to Miss Primrose.
+When therefore the reverend gentleman heard
+that a note was actually brought from Smatterton
+rectory, and addressed to Mr Robert
+Darnley, the feeling of curiosity was strongly
+excited to know what was the object of the said
+note. But, to say nothing of curiosity, the elder
+Mr Darnley felt that it was his duty to be
+acquainted with all correspondence carried on
+with persons under his roof, especially with
+members of his own family.</p>
+
+<p>Impelled then by a double motive&mdash;the power
+of curiosity and a sense of duty&mdash;the rector
+of Neverden very peremptorily commanded the
+attendance of his son in the study. The com<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[267]</a></span>mand
+was as promptly obeyed as it had been
+authoritatively given.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You have had a note from Smatterton this
+morning?&#8221; said the father.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have, sir,&#8221; replied the son steadily, but
+respectfully.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And may I be permitted to know the contents
+of that communication?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Most assuredly, sir,&#8221; replied the young gentleman:
+&#8220;I intended to acquaint you with its
+contents as soon as I had read it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Robert Darnley then handed the paper to his
+father, who perused it with eager haste and
+anxious excitement. Rapidly however as the
+rector read the communication, he discerned two
+facts which made him angry, and, as he said,
+astonished. We have observed that the astonishment
+rests upon the testimony only of Mr
+Darnley&#8217;s own saying; and we have made that
+observation, because we think that Mr Darnley
+was not strictly correct in his assertion: we do
+not believe that Mr Darnley was at all astonished<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[268]</a></span>
+at those facts. He was no doubt angry when he
+discovered that his son had written to Mr Primrose;
+and there is nothing incredible in the idea
+that he was angry at the anticipation of a renewal
+of the acquaintance between his son and Miss
+Primrose. But he was not astonished at these
+things, and he ought not to have said that he
+was. It is however a very common practice, for
+the sake of giving pathos and effect to moral
+exhortation or expostulation, to express an astonishment
+which is not felt. This is a species of
+lying, and Mrs Opie would certainly set it down
+as such.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Darnley not only said that he was astonished,
+but absolutely affected to look astonished.
+But that dramatic species of visual rebuke was
+by no means adapted to produce an impression
+on Mr Darnley the younger; and had the trick
+been played off by any one else than a parent,
+the young gentleman would certainly have
+laughed. It has been often observed, that children
+are much more knowing than is generally<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[269]</a></span>
+supposed, and the same observation may be
+applied to children of a larger growth. But
+parents cannot well help considering their children
+as always children.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And so,&#8221; said the rector of Neverden, &#8220;you
+have actually had the folly to write to Mr Primrose,
+and to endeavour to renew an acquaintance
+which was clearly and positively broken off by
+Miss Primrose herself?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I think, sir,&#8221; responded with much gentleness
+the rector&#8217;s son, &#8220;that, if you read this note
+attentively, you will see that Miss Primrose did
+not positively break the acquaintance, but that
+by some means, as yet unknown, the letters
+which should have passed between us were intercepted.
+Proof of that is given in the singular
+circumstance, that the last letter which I wrote
+to Smatterton from India was the other day
+picked up by a child.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Mr Darnley smiled a smile of incredulity and
+compassionate condescension.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Foolish boy,&#8221; said he,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[270]</a></span> &#8220;and can you suffer
+yourself to be so easily deceived as to believe this
+story?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Surely you will not go so far as to say that
+Miss Primrose would descend to the meanness
+of asserting an untruth.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am asserting nothing concerning Miss
+Primrose. This note is not her&#8217;s, it is her
+father&#8217;s; and I do know that Mr Primrose can
+use profane language; I have heard him. And
+would such a man hesitate at untruth for the
+sake of an establishment for his daughter? Besides
+what can be more clear than that, now the
+negotiation with Lord Spoonbill is broken off,
+they are very willing to apply to you again.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>There is great power in imagination. Mr
+Darnley had taken it into his head that Penelope
+had really been simple enough to admire Lord
+Spoonbill, and vain enough to aspire to title on
+the strength of personal beauty. She was what
+is commonly called a fine young woman, and
+there was in her deportment, especially in the
+season of health and spirits, while her uncle lived,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[271]</a></span>
+a certain constitutional magnificence of manner
+which might easily bear the name of pride and
+haughtiness. Now as Mr Darnley was himself
+a proud man, he did not like pride; and there
+is nothing at all paradoxical or inconsistent in
+this. It is perfectly natural that those who feel
+a pleasure in looking down on others and being
+looked up to, should not be pleased with such as
+indulge them not in their favourite occupation.</p>
+
+<p>There had not indeed ever been in the behaviour
+of Penelope towards Mr Darnley anything
+actually disrespectful; but Mr Darnley could see
+that her spirit was high and essentially unsubmissive.
+He had therefore always called her proud;
+and as soon as any suspicion arose of the withdrawing
+of her affections from Robert Darnley,
+immediately the father concluded that this change
+was owing to the young lady&#8217;s pride aspiring to
+the hand of Lord Spoonbill; and when she went
+to London to the Countess, then his suspicion
+seemed corroborated; and when she returned to
+Smatterton, and when Mr Primrose sent the note<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[272]</a></span>
+in question to Neverden, then did Mr Darnley
+feel himself assured that the young lady had
+been disappointed in her calculations concerning
+Lord Spoonbill, and that now she repented her
+folly in renouncing the hand of Robert Darnley,
+and wished to recall the affection which she had
+spurned.</p>
+
+<p>Under such persuasion, from which not all the
+logic in the world could move him, he smiled at
+the credulity and the weakness of the young
+man, while the young man was equally astonished
+and grieved at the immovable obstinacy of his
+father. Such cases sometimes occur, and perplexing
+are they when they do occur, in which a
+son bearing all possible respect towards a father
+feels himself yet justified in the court of his own
+conscience in acting contrary to his father&#8217;s will.
+Thus situated was the son of the rector of Neverden.
+He found that it would be in vain to use
+any arguments, and he was firm in his intention
+of taking the earliest opportunity of acknowledging
+the receipt of Mr Primrose&#8217;s letter, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[273]</a></span>
+of expressing his full determination to renew the
+acquaintance with Penelope. So far was the
+young man from participating in his father&#8217;s suspicions,
+that the very arguments which the father
+had used, and the particulars which he had
+stated, did but strengthen his own opinion of the
+purity and correctness of the young lady&#8217;s conduct;
+and when he considered the circumstances
+under which she had been placed, he felt a degree
+of pity for her, and he pitied her also that she
+laboured under those untoward and unfounded
+suspicions which had been excited by the idle
+tongue of Zephaniah Pringle.</p>
+
+<p>It became in fact to Robert Darnley a matter
+of conscience to rectify all misunderstandings as
+early as possible. Without therefore affecting
+to enter into any elaborate discussion with his
+father, he merely replied to what had been said:
+&#8220;I cannot say that I view this affair in the same
+light that you do, sir; and I am satisfied that if
+you had a knowledge of all the facts, you would
+not have reason to blame Miss Primrose. I will<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[274]</a></span>
+not pretend to argue with you, or to presume to
+put my knowledge of the world in competition
+with yours. But I must take the liberty to say
+firmly, though respectfully, that it is my intention
+to see Mr and Miss Primrose, and if I find
+that Penelope is still the same amiable and pure-minded
+young woman as she was when I first
+made her an offer of my hand, I will repeat that
+offer; and I am convinced your prejudice will
+wear off, if not by my arguments, at least they
+will give way to the young lady&#8217;s real excellence
+of character.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Mr Darnley was not accustomed to be contradicted.
+Neither his wife nor his daughters ever
+disputed his will, or affected to oppose their logic
+to his determinations. Of his son&#8217;s obedience
+and gentleness of disposition he had always
+entertained the highest opinion, and with reason:
+but he forgot that everything has its limits, and
+there is a point beyond which compliance and
+obedience cannot go. If Mr Darnley had said at
+the close of his son&#8217;s last speech,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[275]</a></span> &#8220;I am astonished,&#8221;
+he would have spoken truly. He was
+indeed astonished, but he was not frightened out
+of his propriety; he was rather frightened into
+propriety.</p>
+
+<p>For a few seconds he was absolutely speechless
+and almost breathless. But soon respiration
+returned, and the power of speech returned with
+it; and his momentary gasp of astonishment
+gave him time for consideration. He considered
+in that brief interval that he had no more power
+over his son than his son chose to give him, and
+he thought it a pity to endanger his influence by
+attempting to retain his authority. Subduing
+himself, he replied:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;If you will be obstinate there is no help for
+it. But I could wish that you would listen to
+reason.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Thus speaking, Mr Darnley left the apartment,
+angry but endeavouring to keep himself calm.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[276]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">Mr Darnley&#8217;s</span> study overlooked the avenue
+which led to the house. For a study it was not
+well situated, inasmuch as it was next to impossible
+for any one but a person of great powers of
+abstraction to keep himself free from interruption.
+The situation however was very well
+adapted to the humour of the rector of Neverden;
+for thus he could observe every one who approached
+the house, and exercise a continual
+superintendance over his establishment, seeing
+that no one could enter or leave the house without
+his knowledge.</p>
+
+<p>At the study window Robert Darnley took his
+station, looking listlessly towards the road that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[277]</a></span>
+passed the end of the avenue and led towards
+the village of Smatterton. Turning a little towards
+the left hand he could see at a very short
+distance the magnificent towers of Smatterton
+castle and the smart gilt weathercock of Smatterton
+church. The young man was beginning to
+grow sentimental and melancholy; but soon his
+thoughts were diverted from sentimentality by
+the appearance of Nick Muggins and his pony
+fumbling their clumsy entrance at the great white
+gate that opened into the road. Better riders
+than Nick are sometimes puzzled at opening a
+heavy swing gate on horseback; but Nick would
+always manage it without dismounting, if he had
+to make twenty efforts for it.</p>
+
+<p>Nick was certainly a picturesque, though by no
+means a poetical object; and his appearance dispersed
+the gathering cloud of lackadaisicalness
+which was just threatening Robert Darnley with
+a fit of melancholy. Other thoughts, though
+bearing on the same object, now took possession
+of him; and as he was very straitforward and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[278]</a></span>
+prompt in whatever occurred to him, he immediately
+resolved to question the boy concerning the
+lost letters.</p>
+
+<p>For this purpose, without waiting for the arrival
+of the letter-carrier at the house-door, Robert
+Darnley went partly down the avenue to meet
+him. Nick made one of his best bows, and
+grinned his compliments to the young gentleman
+on his arrival in England; for this was the first
+meeting of the parties since the rector&#8217;s son
+arrived at home. Robert Darnley was not a man
+of compliments; he proceeded directly to business.
+Producing from his pocket the letter
+which had been picked up by the little girl, he
+held it out to the lad, saying:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Muggins, can you give any account of this
+letter; it was picked up in the road the other
+day; do you ever drop the letters out of the
+bag?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Muggins, who was as cunning a rogue as many
+of his betters, concealed his conviction and shame
+as well as might be, and took the letter into his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[279]</a></span>
+hand with much simplicity of look, and gazed
+upon it for a while with &#8220;lack-lustre eye;&#8221; not
+that he had any great need to examine the letter
+in order to answer the question, but thereby
+he gained time to meditate a lie of some kind or
+other. After looking at it for a few moments he
+handed it back to Robert Darnley, and said:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Please, sir, I can&#8217;t make out the &#8217;rection
+of it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>That might be true, but it was not much of an
+answer to the question which was proposed to
+him.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The direction of the letter,&#8221; answered Darnley,
+&#8220;is to Miss Primrose at Smatterton. Now
+do you remember ever losing a letter that should
+have been delivered at the rectory at Smatterton?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Nick Muggins, we have related, was so melted
+by the condescending kindness of Penelope
+Primrose, that his heart smote him sorely for his
+unfaithfulness to his trust, and he was on the
+very verge of a confession of his iniquity; but<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[280]</a></span>
+then Penelope was not likely to horsewhip him,
+whereas there did appear to the sagacious mind
+of the treacherous letter-carrier some possibility
+of such operation being performed by the more
+vigorous arm of Robert Darnley; and as such a
+catastrophe must be exceedingly unpleasant to a
+man of any feeling, Nick resolved to use his
+utmost sagacity to avoid it. The question therefore,
+which was last proposed, he answered thus:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ve took a great many letters to Smatterton
+parsonage, sir, and I don&#8217;t never remember losen
+none as I took there.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Here again was an equivocation worthy of
+the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill himself.
+Robert Darnley thought that Nick Muggins was
+a fool, but Nick was not such a fool as he
+looked. He had prodigiously fine diplomatic
+talents, but &#8216;Full many a flower, &amp;c.&#8217; as the
+poet says.</p>
+
+<p>All the questions and cross-questionings of
+the son of the rector of Neverden could not
+extort from the carrier of the Smatterton and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[281]</a></span>
+Neverden letter-bags any information leading to
+the discovery of the circumstances to which the
+interruption of the correspondence might be
+attributed. In despair of ascertaining anything,
+Robert Darnley ceased his interrogations, and
+the uncouth rider of the indescribable beast
+then handed to his interrogator his share of the
+contents of the letter-bag. It was only one
+letter, and the superscription was in an unknown
+hand.</p>
+
+<p>The young gentleman opened the letter with
+great eagerness of curiosity, and looking to the
+end of it he found that it was anonymous. He
+endeavoured to read and comprehend the whole
+by one glance, but it did not betray its meaning
+so obviously; he was therefore under the
+necessity of reading it regularly line by line.
+We are not much in the habit of printing letters&mdash;we
+think it a breach of confidence; but,
+as the present is anonymous, we venture to
+give it:</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[282]</a><br /><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[283]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;A sincere well-wisher to Mr Robert Darnley,
+though a total stranger, or nearly so, wishes
+to caution an unsuspicious and generous mind
+against a deep-laid plot, which has for its object
+to entrap Mr D. into a marriage, which
+will bring with it poverty and disgrace. It may
+not be altogether unknown to Mr D. that a
+certain gentleman, who shall be nameless, once
+ruined a handsome fortune by gaming. This
+gentleman now professes to have repaired his
+shattered fortunes, and to have forsaken entirely
+his vicious habit. But this is mere pretence.
+Nearly the whole of that which he acquired
+abroad, he has in a short time lost by gambling
+at home; and now he gives out that his
+loss arises from the stoppage of a banking-house
+in town. Concerning the character of a
+young lady nearly related to the gentleman
+above alluded to, Mr D. would do well to make
+the strictest inquiry before he ventures on the
+irretrievable step of marriage. Mr D. ought to
+ascertain why Smatterton is chosen for her
+residence. The &mdash;&mdash; family is not residing at
+the castle, but it is possible that an individual of
+that family may find a pretence for an incognito
+visit there. A word to the wise is enough.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>A letter such as this was almost too much
+for Robert Darnley. He was honest, candid,
+and unsuspicious; but even in such minds as
+his jealousy may be excited, and the above
+letter very nearly answered the purpose.</p>
+
+<p>Instead of going directly to Smatterton, according
+to his first intention, he returned to the
+house, and read over and over again this mysterious
+and anonymous epistle. But there was
+nothing in it which could afford him the slightest
+information as to the source from whence it
+came, or the motive with which it could have
+been written.</p>
+
+<p>It was peculiarly mortifying, after the magnanimous,
+prompt, and decided avowal which
+he had made to his father, of his intention of
+renewing his acquaintance with Miss Primrose,
+that he should meet with this painful and perplexing
+interruption. He began to wish that he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[284]</a></span>
+had not been quite so positive. He supposed
+that of course his father took it for granted
+that the threatened visit to Smatterton would
+be paid that very morning. And he had dreaded
+meeting the family at dinner, should the visit
+have been paid; but still greater would be his
+mortification to meet his father again and be
+forced to acknowledge that he had not been to
+Smatterton. It would be but natural to ask if
+he had been there, and quite as natural to ask
+why he had not.</p>
+
+<p>The answer to these enquiries would involve
+the young gentleman in a dilemma, to extricate
+himself from which would require the talents of
+a Muggins, or a Spoonbill. But Robert Darnley
+was not cut out for shuffling and equivocating.
+His only consideration was, how far it might be
+prudent to inform his father of the receipt of
+the anonymous letter.</p>
+
+<p>For the purpose of giving himself time for uninterrupted
+meditation, he sauntered out from
+the house, and, as it were unconsciously, turned<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[285]</a></span>
+his steps towards the village of Smatterton.
+And he thought, as he walked along, that it
+would take several days at least, if not some
+weeks, to ascertain the truth or falsehood of the
+insinuations. He knew not where to seek for
+information, or how to gain evidence either on
+one side or the other. If he should not very
+soon make a visit to Mr Primrose, it would seem
+manifest that his intention was not to renew the
+acquaintance with Penelope; and very mortifying
+indeed would it be to him, if, after making
+enquiries and finding that the insinuations of the
+anonymous letter were unfounded, malicious and
+mischievous, he should, by his tardiness or mean
+suspicions, have forfeited the good will of the
+young lady.</p>
+
+<p>Fortunate for him was it, that while he was
+thinking on the subject of this anonymous communication,
+and putting the case that it might
+be the work of some malicious and ill-designing
+one, there occurred also to his recollection the
+lost letter which had been picked up by a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[286]</a></span>
+stranger. With the recollection of that came
+also again to his mind the image and tone and
+look of the crafty letter-carrier, and the shuffling
+evasive answers which the cunning dog had
+given to his interrogatories.</p>
+
+<p>Wise and penetrating reader, who can&#8217;st dive
+most deeply into human motives, and read the
+movements of the human heart, we beseech thee
+not to impute it to stupidity or obtuseness in
+our friend Robert Darnley, that he could not
+sooner see the probability of the existence in
+some quarter or other of a spirit of treachery at
+work against him. His own mind was of a very
+unsuspicious cast, and he was not in the habit
+of looking for deeply-laid schemes, but he gave
+general credit to appearances and ordinary assertions.
+He was not unaware of the existence of
+roguery, or of the circulation of unfounded
+reports, but he did not look very commonly and
+cunningly for tricks and falsehood in the everyday
+movements of human life. But when he
+once had ground for suspicion, he had sagacity<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[287]</a></span>
+enough to pursue the investigation, and prudence
+enough not to be deceived when once put
+on his guard.</p>
+
+<p>He thought again of the anonymous letter, and
+he knew that there was no individual residing
+in London sufficiently acquainted with him to
+have written this letter for his sake. He thought
+of the intercepted letters, and of the allusion
+to Lord Spoonbill, and he thought of none so
+likely to have intercepted those letters as
+Lord Spoonbill himself. An apprehension of
+something near the truth now came firmly and
+distinctly upon his mind.</p>
+
+<p>Under the impression of this thought, he moved
+somewhat more rapidly and decidedly towards
+Smatterton, almost resolving that he would actually
+call at once on Mr Primrose, and renew
+his acquaintance with Penelope. He thought
+that he possessed penetration enough to discover
+if there were in the young lady&#8217;s deportment
+and carriage any symptoms of a diminished or
+impaired moral feeling.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[288]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It would not be much out of his way to go
+through the park, and as there was a footpath
+passing very closely by the castle, he designed
+to take that route, that, if meeting any one of
+the domestics, he might be able to ascertain
+whether or not Lord Spoonbill was expected at
+Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>Not many steps had he taken with this intention
+before he had the satisfaction of meeting
+the unfaithful Nick Muggins, shuffling back
+from having delivered up his charge. Nick saw
+the young gentleman, and would gladly have
+avoided the meeting; but there was no way of
+escape, except by going back again to Smatterton,
+and that was quite out of the question, for
+at the public-house of that village he had spent
+his last allowable minute. Finding that the
+encounter must take place, Nick whistled himself
+up to his highest pitch of moral fortitude,
+and put spurs to his beast. He might as well
+have struck his spurs against a brick wall. The
+rough-coated quadruped had been too long in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[289]</a></span>
+the service of government to be put out of his
+usual pace by Nick&#8217;s spurs, and these said
+spurs had been long enough in the service of
+Muggins to have lost their virtue.</p>
+
+<p>Nick&#8217;s next resource was to give Mr Robert
+Darnley the cut indirect, and to ride on without
+seeing him. But that was no easy matter
+in a narrow unfrequented road. Before the
+rogue could resolve what to do, the parties were
+together, and Robert Darnley, advancing into
+the middle of the road, gave command to the
+lad to stop. Disobedience of course was not to
+be thought of; and though the consciousness of
+guilt and the suspicion of accusation made
+him tremble, yet the necessity of concealment
+rendered him very cautious of betraying any
+emotion.</p>
+
+<p>The appearance of Robert Darnley&#8217;s countenance
+was at this interview very different from
+what it had been an hour or two ago. For, in
+the first instance, he had been merely making<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[290]</a></span>
+an unsuspicious enquiry, and his interrogations
+had been more for the purpose of gaining information
+than for fixing an accusation. Now, he
+felt as if he were examining a criminal, and he
+directed a stern enquiring look towards the uncouth
+varlet, who blinked like an owl in the
+sunshine and seemed to be looking about for
+something to look at; for he was ashamed to
+look at Robert Darnley, and afraid to fix his
+eyes elsewhere.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Muggins, have the goodness to dismount,&#8221;
+said the young gentleman; &#8220;I wish to have a
+little talk with you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>That was a movement by no means agreeable
+to Mr Muggins, who would thereby be brought
+into closer and more perilous contact with an
+ugly ill-looking elastic knotted cane, which was
+bending under the pressure of Mr Darnley&#8217;s
+hand. Muggins therefore, in answer to this
+command, said with all the coolness he could
+muster:</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[291]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Please, sir, I maan&#8217;t stay long.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nonsense,&#8221; replied Darnley; &#8220;dismount, I
+tell you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Now Muggins thought that if he was destined
+to receive a caning for a violation of his trust,
+he need not add to his troubles by provoking
+Mr Darnley to administer an extra application
+to him for refusing to dismount. Down therefore
+came Nick, and at the word of command
+fastened his horse to a gate-post.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Now, Muggins,&#8221; said Robert Darnley, &#8220;if
+you don&#8217;t tell me the truth, I will cane you as
+long as I can stand.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Sir?&#8221; said Muggins, in a tone of well-feigned
+astonishment, and with the accent of
+interrogation.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Will you tell me the truth, sir?&#8221; repeated the
+interrogator.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What about, sir?&#8221; asked Muggins.</p>
+
+<p>That question does by no means redound to
+the credit of Muggins; for had he been a truly<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[292]</a></span>
+honest lad, he would have been ready to tell the
+truth on any subject.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What about!&#8221; echoed Darnley; &#8220;about
+those letters, to be sure, which you ought to have
+delivered at the rectory at Smatterton. Tell me
+what you did with them, this moment.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>A threatening aspect accompanied, and a
+threatening attitude followed this speech. Muggins
+gave himself up for lost. If he called
+out &#8220;murder,&#8221; there was none to assist him;
+running away was an absolute impossibility;
+resistance would be vain; and shuffling would
+no longer answer the purpose. It is astonishing
+how powerfully present considerations overwhelm
+and command the mind. If Muggins could have
+mustered up sufficient energy of purpose to
+resist the threats of the son of the rector of Neverden,
+he might afterwards have laid his case
+before the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, by
+whose interest he might have gained promotion,
+or by whose liberality he might have been hand<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[293]</a></span>somely
+rewarded. But all other thoughts and
+considerations were lost and absorbed in the
+elastic cane, which seemed vibrating with anxious
+eagerness for a close acquaintance with his
+shoulders.</p>
+
+<p>Cowering and trembling, the guilty one, whose
+craftiness would no longer avail him, dropped
+abjectly upon his knees and blubberingly implored
+for mercy, on consideration of revealing
+the whole truth. Darnley, who thought more of
+the happiness of renewing his acquaintance with
+Penelope than of the pleasure of caning a graceless
+varlet, readily promised mercy upon confession.
+And so great was Nick&#8217;s gratitude for
+the mercy promised, that he told the whole
+truth, and gave up the character of Lord Spoonbill
+to contempt.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[294]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">When</span> the interview recorded in the last chapter
+had concluded, both parties were pleased;
+but the pleasure of the one was far more durable
+than that of the other. Nick Muggins enjoyed
+but a negative delight in having escaped an
+imminent and threatening peril. But afterwards
+he began to reflect; for he could think, seeing
+that he had nothing else to do.</p>
+
+<p>It is worth notice, that many apparently
+stupid, ignorant and obtuse cubs, whose employment
+is monotonous and mechanical, possess
+a certain degree of shrewdness, and exhibit
+occasionally symptoms of reflection and observation
+to which more cultivated and educated<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[295]</a></span>
+minds are strangers. Curious it is also to see
+the gaping wonderment with which those, whose
+wisdom is from books, regard those who happen
+to have any power or capacity of thought without
+the assistance of books. Gentle reader,
+when you are next requested to write some wise
+sentence in a lady&#8217;s album, write the following:
+&#8220;books are more indebted to wisdom, than wisdom
+is to books.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Nick, we have said, began to think; and the
+farther he was removed from Robert Darnley&#8217;s
+cane with the less delight did he contemplate
+his escape. It came also into his mind that,
+although this young gentleman had withheld
+the threatened infliction, yet there were other
+troubles awaiting him, and other dangers threatening
+him. Drowning mariners, it has been said,
+seldom calculate upon the consequence of their
+vows. Nor did Muggins calculate upon the
+probable consequences of the confession which
+he had made to escape an impending castigation.</p>
+
+<p>He had escaped the cane of Robert Darnley,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[296]</a></span>
+but he had thereby exposed himself to the danger
+of a similar visitation from the hand of Lord
+Spoonbill. There was also some probability, and
+no slight one, that he might in addition to other
+calamities suffer the loss of his place. People
+in office do not like to lose their places, for it
+makes them very ill-humoured and provokes
+them to all manner of absurdities. Nick also
+thought that if his place should be taken from
+him in consequence of this his unfaithfulness,
+Lord Spoonbill would be also exposed, and Lord
+Spoonbill being exposed would be mightily
+angry with Nick, and, being angry with him,
+would not make him any remuneration for his
+loss. Moreover Nick thought that Lord Spoonbill
+would call him a fool for having divulged
+the secret, and Nick did not like to be called a
+fool. Who does? So, in order to avoid being
+called a fool, Nick meditated playing the rogue.</p>
+
+<p>We by no means approve of this conduct, and
+we record it not as an example, but as a caution;
+and we would seriously recommend all persons in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[297]</a></span>
+public offices to be as honest as they possibly
+can; or if this political morality appears too
+rigid and savours of puritanical strictness, we
+would advise them to be as honest as they conveniently
+can.</p>
+
+<p>The scheme of roguery which the letter-carrier
+devised, was destined to be effected by means of
+epistolary correspondence with the Right Honorable
+Lord Spoonbill; but fortunately for the
+rogue, as even rogues are sometimes fortunate,
+the trouble of writing was saved him by the personal
+appearance of Lord Spoonbill himself at
+the town of M&mdash;&mdash;, where Nick Muggins dwelt,
+and from which he carried the letters to Smatterton
+and Neverden. It was a great pleasure to
+Muggins to be saved the trouble of writing, for
+that operation was attended with much labour
+and difficulty to him, seeing that he had many
+doubts as to the shapes of letters and the meaning
+of words.</p>
+
+<p>Muggins had not been at home many minutes
+before Lord Spoonbill presented himself to the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[298]</a></span>
+astonished eyes of the unfaithful letter-carrier.
+His lordship was wonderfully condescending to
+honor so humble a roof by his presence; but it
+was not the first time that he had paid a visit to
+Mr Muggins in his own house. The object, or
+more properly speaking the nature of the object,
+of his visit was guessed at, and the spirit of
+Nick&#8217;s knavery was kindled within him, and he
+was prepared to say or do aught that his lordship
+might dictate or propose, for the purpose of
+furthering the hereditary legislator&#8217;s right honorable
+pursuit.</p>
+
+<p>Nick&#8217;s residence is not indeed a matter of
+much importance to the world, nor does its locality
+or aspect bear powerfully on the development
+of our catastrophe, or greatly assist the progress
+of our narrative. But we describe it, because we
+may thereby give our readers a more complete
+and impressive idea of the great condescension of
+Lord Spoonbill in visiting so obscure an abode.</p>
+
+<p>The town of M&mdash;&mdash; was situated on the banks
+of a river. The streets were long and narrow,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[299]</a></span>
+and the houses high and dingy. The ground on
+which the town was built was uneven, and the
+materials with which it was paved were execrable.
+This is spoken of the best parts of the
+town, of those streets which stood on the higher
+ground. The inferior part was not paved at all,
+and was approachable only by an almost abrupt
+descent through a lane or narrow street, in which
+the houses nearly met at the top. The ground
+on which a passenger must walk was of a nature
+so miscellaneous as almost to defy description,
+and quite to puzzle analysis. Black mud, as
+everlasting as the perennial snows which rest on
+the summits of inaccessible mountains, decayed
+vegetables of every season of the year, refuse
+fish, unpicked bones of every conceivable variety
+of animals, deceased cats and dogs and rats in
+every possible degree of decomposition, broken
+bricks and tiles, and shreds of earthen vessels of
+all variety of domestic application, sticks, stones,
+old shoes, tin kettles and superannuated old saucepans,
+formed the dead stock of the street. And<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[300]</a></span>
+the live stock was by no means calculated to
+give to the spectator a high idea of the dignity of
+human nature. The fair sex in these regions
+appeared by no means to any great advantage;
+nature had done little for them and art less. In
+their voices there was less melody than loudness,
+and in their language more energy than elegance.
+They expressed their feelings without circumlocution,
+and resented indignities with hand as
+well as tongue. In the air which they breathed
+there might be enough to discompose and irritate,
+for the decomposition of sprats is by no
+means fragrant; and when an atmosphere is
+constantly burdened with the effluvia of soap,
+tallow, and train oil, it is not calculated to soothe
+the irritated nerves.</p>
+
+<p>To pass through such a region as this could
+not have been mightily agreeable to the refined
+senses of Lord Spoonbill. But not only did he
+pass through it, but he sought out in one of its
+meanest habitations the carrier of the Smatterton
+and Neverden letter-bags. All this however he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[301]</a></span>
+did patiently undergo for love of Penelope Primrose.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Muggins,&#8221; said his lordship, &#8220;have you left
+a letter at Neverden within this day or two for
+Mr Darnley?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, my lord,&#8221; replied the carrier.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And did you see Mr Darnley when you delivered the letter?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, yes, my lord, I see Mr Robert himself.
+And please, my lord, I am almost afraid that you
+and I will be found out.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Found out, you rascal! what do you mean?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, I means, my lord, please your lordship,
+that one of them letters as I give your lordship
+is been picked up, and Mr Robert Darnley
+showed it to me and axed whether I knowed
+nothing about it. And he said he&#8217;d kill me if I
+did not tell him, and so I told him that I didn&#8217;t
+know nothing where it come from. And so, my
+lord, I&#8217;m quite afeard to go again to Neverden,
+only I don&#8217;t know what to do just to get a bit of
+bread.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[302]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>At this information the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill was perplexed.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, Muggins, if that is the case,&#8221; said his
+lordship, &#8220;you had better get away.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, my lord, but what will become of me if
+I give up my place?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, leave that to me!&#8221; said his lordship,
+&#8220;and I will take care you shall be no loser.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This was the point to which the crafty one
+wished to bring his right honorable friend. Suffice
+it then to say that Lord Spoonbill, fancying
+that he should place discovery out of the reach
+of probability, made the rogue a very handsome
+present, and gave him letters whereby he might
+find employment in London, which would more
+than compensate for the loss of his place in the
+country.</p>
+
+<p>Then did Lord Spoonbill under cover of night&#8217;s
+darkness find his way to Smatterton castle,
+pleasing himself with the thought that his well-formed
+scheme was now likely to take effect, and
+that Mr Robert Darnley, after the warning of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[303]</a></span>
+anonymous letter, would not be very hasty to
+renew his acquaintance with Miss Primrose. It
+was of course supposed by our readers, and
+intended to be so supposed, that the anonymous
+letter above alluded to was sent, if not by Lord
+Spoonbill himself, at least by his instigation, and
+for the purpose of forwarding his designs. And,
+that the merit of the communication may not be
+ascribed to a wrong personage, it is right to
+inform the world that the writer of the same
+letter was Colonel Crop. By this gallant officer
+Lord Spoonbill was now accompanied to Smatterton
+castle.</p>
+
+<p>Colonel Crop was an excellent travelling companion,
+for he never disturbed the train of his
+fellow-traveller&#8217;s thoughts by any impertinent
+prating. The dexterous economy which the
+colonel exercised over his words and actions was
+quite surprising. He could make a little go a
+great way. If for instance any friend, and many
+such there were, invited the gallant colonel to
+dinner, it would seem that thereby an occupation<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[304]</a></span>
+were afforded him for an hour or two previously
+for the purpose of dressing. But the ingenious time-consumer
+managed to make a whole morning&#8217;s
+work of it. Equally economical was he of words.
+For if his Right Honorable friend Lord Spoonbill
+should talk to him for a whole hour together,
+the colonel would think it quite sufficient to
+reply to the long harangue by simply saying:
+&#8220;&#8217;Pon honor! you don&#8217;t say so.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>With this lively companion did Lord Spoonbill
+journey towards Smatterton; and as his lordship
+wished to be left to his own thoughts, his friend
+was not unwilling to indulge him; and thus did
+the hereditary legislator enjoy the pleasure of
+silently congratulating himself on the dexterity
+with which he had managed this affair; and
+more especially was he delighted at the fortunate
+circumstance of having removed Nick Muggins
+far away from the danger of being tempted or
+terrified into confession of his unfaithfulness.</p>
+
+<p>It did not enter, nor was it likely to enter into
+the mind of Lord Spoonbill, that Nick Muggins<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[305]</a></span>
+had already impeached, and that Robert Darnley
+was in possession of all the facts of the case.
+There was something else also in the transactions
+of that day unknown to and unsuspected
+by his lordship. That other matter to which we
+here allude, was the visit which Robert Darnley
+had paid to Mr and Miss Primrose.</p>
+
+<p>At the close of the preceding chapter we
+related that Mr Darnley and the letter-carrier
+parted after their interview, and we have accompanied
+Nick back to his home, and have narrated
+what took place there. We may now therefore
+return to Robert Darnley, and accompany him
+also in his visit to Smatterton.</p>
+
+<p>After he had ascertained from Muggins the
+truth of the matter concerning the suppressed
+letter, he no longer heeded the anonymous communication
+which he had received; and instead
+of passing through the park as he had designed,
+he proceeded immediately to the rectory.</p>
+
+<p>He was most happy in the thought that now
+all doubts and perplexities were removed from<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[306]</a></span>
+his mind, and he was much better able and far
+more willing to believe that Penelope still remained
+pure, honorable, and affectionate, than to
+give credence to the foul calumnies which had
+been circulated concerning her. There are individuals
+in the world of whom it is, ordinarily
+speaking, almost impossible to think ill. Such
+was the character of Penelope Primrose to those
+well acquainted with her. But the elder Mr
+Darnley being a mightily pompous and grand
+sort of man, looked at almost every one from an
+awful distance. Discrimination of character was
+by no means his forte. He thought that the
+whole mass of mankind was divisible into two
+classes, the good and the bad. He considered
+that the good must do as he did, and think as he
+thought; and that the bad were those that opposed
+him. It was his notion that it required only
+a simple volition for the good to become bad and
+for the bad to become good. And when he heard
+that Miss Primrose had transgressed, he forthwith
+believed the tale and renounced her.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[307]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>But to say nothing of the affection which the
+younger Darnley entertained for the lady, and
+the pleasing hopes with which for so long a
+period he had been accustomed to think of her,
+he could not think it possible for a mind like
+hers ever to descend to the meanness with which
+she had been charged. He did think it possible
+that, in consequence of a supposed neglect on his
+part, and by means of ingenious assiduities on
+the part of another, that her regards might be
+transferred from him; but even that he would
+not believe without positive evidence. Many a
+faithful heart had been broken, and many an
+honest man has been hanged, by circumstantial
+evidence.</p>
+
+<p>The meeting of the lovers was silent. They
+might have been previously studying speeches;
+but these were forgotten on both sides. And in
+their silence their looks explained to each other
+how much they had respectively suffered from
+the villany of him who had interrupted their
+correspondence. After a long and silent em<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[308]</a></span>brace,
+and gazing again and again at those
+features which he had so loved to think of at a
+mighty distance, Darnley at length was able to
+speak, and he said: &#8220;And you have not forgotten
+me!&#8221; How cold these words do look on
+paper. But from the living lips which spoke
+them, and from the energetic tenderness with
+which they were uttered, and from the thought
+of that mental suffering and that withering of
+heart which had been occasioned by the fear of
+forgetfulness, and above all from the circumstance
+that these were the first words which
+Penelope had heard from those lips for so long,
+so very long a period, they came to her ear and
+heart with a thrilling power, and awakened her
+from her silent trance to the expression of that
+feeling which had almost subdued her.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Forget!&#8221; she was attempting to echo her
+lover&#8217;s words, but emotion was too strong for the
+utterance of words, and she finished her answer
+by falling on his neck and weeping audibly.</p>
+
+<p>Might it not have done Lord Spoonbill good<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_309" id="Page_309">[309]</a></span>
+to have witnessed this scene? Surely it might
+have taught him how little prospect there was of
+the success of his designs; and he might, had he
+possessed the ordinary feelings of humanity, have
+thought that the coronet must be brilliant indeed
+which could tempt Penelope to renounce her
+lover.</p>
+
+<p>But Lord Spoonbill saw it not, and suspected
+it not; if he had, it certainly would have saved
+him a great deal of trouble.</p>
+
+<p>The lovers, when they did recover themselves
+sufficiently to speak composedly and collectedly,
+had volumes of talk for each other, and Darnley
+was interested and moved by the narrative of
+Penelope&#8217;s excursion to London, and the narrow
+escape which she had from a profession so ill
+adapted to the character and complexion of her
+mind. But in all the conversation Darnley did
+not mention to Penelope the anonymous letter
+which he had that morning received, nor did he
+say a word concerning the confession of the
+letter-carrier. As to the anonymous letter, he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_310" id="Page_310">[310]</a></span>
+would not insult her even by alluding to the
+existence of evil reports; and as to the suppressed
+letters, he feared lest the impetuosity of
+the young lady&#8217;s father might be productive of
+mischief. He thought it at all events most desirable,
+at least so long as they might remain in
+the neighbourhood of Smatterton castle, to let
+Penelope suppose that the loss of the letters was
+accidental.</p>
+
+<p>There may be some persons who think that
+under present circumstances it was the duty of
+Robert Darnley to send Lord Spoonbill a challenge,
+or to bestow upon his lordship that chastisement
+with which Nick Muggins had been
+threatened. That Lord Spoonbill deserved a
+bodily castigation, we will readily concede; but
+as to duelling, we conceive it to be a very silly
+and useless practice, and we are not sorry that
+we are not compelled to relate of the younger
+Darnley that his inclination prompted him to
+adopt that very equivocal mode of demonstrating
+himself to be a gentleman, or man of courage.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_311" id="Page_311">[311]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Very pleasantly passed the two or three hours
+which Robert Darnley allowed himself to spend
+at Smatterton parsonage; very awkwardly passed
+the dinner hour on his return to Neverden parsonage;
+for the Rev. Mr Darnley would not
+speak to his son, and poor Mrs Darnley and
+the young ladies were afraid to speak when the
+rector was silent.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_312" id="Page_312">[312]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX.</h2>
+
+
+<p class="first"><span class="smcap">At</span> a late hour in the evening Lord Spoonbill,
+accompanied by his worthy friend Colonel Crop,
+arrived at Smatterton castle. The domestics
+were instructed not to make the arrival public,
+for his lordship was not desirous of being interrupted
+by any invasions of callers. His object
+professed to be the making some arrangements,
+and laying down some plans for alterations and
+improvements.</p>
+
+<p>Colonel Crop was an excellent counsellor. He
+was one of those admirable advisers, whose suggestions
+are always taken, and whose advice is
+always welcome, for he never gave any advice
+except that which was dictated to him by the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_313" id="Page_313">[313]</a></span>
+person whose counsellor he was. He would have
+made an excellent prime minister for any sovereign
+who might not like to be contradicted.
+His reverence for lords was very great, and far
+greater of course would have been his reverence
+for kings. He would no more think of reasoning
+with or contradicting a lord, than a common
+soldier would think of refusing to march or halt
+at the word of his commander.</p>
+
+<p>Now when this worthy couple had finished a
+late dinner, and Colonel Crop had assented to
+and echoed all that Lord Spoonbill had been
+pleased to affirm as touching the excellence or
+the reverse of the various meats and drinks composing
+their dinner, the hereditary legislator
+began the work of consultation.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, Crop, it is a good thing that I have
+sent that rascally letter-carrier away.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Very,&#8221; replied the colonel.</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_314" id="Page_314">[314]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;It would have been quite shocking if he had
+been terrified or bribed out of his secret.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Quite,&#8221; replied the colonel.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Now I have been thinking,&#8221; continued his
+lordship, &#8220;that you may be of great service to
+me in this affair.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You may command me,&#8221; replied the colonel.</p>
+
+<p>That was true enough, and so might any one
+who would feed him. Young men of weak minds
+and vicious habits are very much to be pitied
+when they have such friends and companions as
+Colonel Crop.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You know Miss Primrose by sight, colonel?&#8221;
+said his lordship.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Can&#8217;t say I do,&#8221; replied the colonel; &#8220;I have
+seen her once, but I took very little notice.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I must introduce you then. Now you remember
+the trouble I had with the old ones
+about this affair, and you know that I was fool
+enough, as I told you, to go so far as actually to
+make Miss Primrose an offer of marriage.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The colonel gave his assent to this proposition
+also; for he seemed to think it an act of rude<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_315" id="Page_315">[315]</a></span>ness
+to contradict a lord, even when he called
+himself a fool. And so perhaps it really is; for
+a lord ought to know whether he is a fool or not,
+and he would not say it if he did not believe it;
+and there is also a degree of wisdom in the discovery
+that one has been a fool, for thereby it is
+intimated that the season of folly is over. Whosoever
+therefore actually says that he was a fool
+formerly, virtually says that he is not a fool now.
+So no doubt did the colonel interpret the assertion
+of Lord Spoonbill, and with this interpretation
+he said, &#8220;Exactly so.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But I think now,&#8221; proceeded his lordship,
+&#8220;I may have the young lady on my own terms.
+But the difficulty is how to manage the business
+without alarming her, and perhaps bringing down
+some deadly vengeance from that father of her&#8217;s,
+for he is as fierce as a tiger.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>That which is a difficulty to an hereditary
+legislator and heir to a title and large estate,
+must of course be a difficulty also to a half-pay<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_316" id="Page_316">[316]</a></span>
+colonel, who loves to depend upon occasional
+dinners, and, like a hospital, to be supported by
+voluntary contributions. Therefore the colonel
+said:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay, that is the difficulty.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;If by any means we could contrive to get
+the father out of the way, we might perhaps
+get rid of some obstacle. Crop, can you hit
+upon any scheme to separate them?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Can&#8217;t, &#8217;pon honor,&#8221; replied the colonel, who
+probably thought that it was not becoming in
+him to be more ingenious than his feeder. The
+colonel indeed was willing to do whatever he
+might be bid, to say whatever might be put into
+his mouth, to write whatever might be dictated
+to him, and to go wherever he might be sent.
+But he was by no means a self-acting machine.
+He would do anything for any body, but he
+required to be told explicitly what to do.</p>
+
+<p>After a pause of some minutes, Lord Spoonbill
+observed; &#8220;Perhaps some use might be made<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_317" id="Page_317">[317]</a></span>
+of the stoppage of Mr Primrose&#8217;s banker. I
+forget the name; have you any recollection
+of it?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Can&#8217;t say I have, &#8217;pon honor;&#8221; replied the
+colonel.</p>
+
+<p>To proceed much farther in narrating this
+lively dialogue which took place between the
+Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill and Colonel
+Crop, as to the most likely means of forwarding
+the designs which his lordship meditated against
+Miss Primrose, would contribute more to the
+reader&#8217;s weariness than to his amusement or
+edification. It will be enough in the present
+state of affairs to say, that this notable colloquy
+terminated in the determination on the part of
+his lordship to take no immediate steps in the
+affair till he had ascertained what effect the
+anonymous letter had produced upon Robert
+Darnley. For this purpose, Colonel Crop might
+render himself useful. Instructions were therefore
+given him accordingly, and he was ordered<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_318" id="Page_318">[318]</a></span>
+to ride over to Neverden Hall, where he might
+be most likely to gain some information.</p>
+
+<p>Early therefore, on the following morning, the
+gallant colonel found his way to the mansion
+of the worthy baronet and able magistrate, Sir
+George Aimwell. The unpaid one was mightily
+well pleased at the visit, and he shook the hand
+of the half-paid one till his fingers ached.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, Colonel, I am glad to see you. So
+you are tired of the gaieties of London already,
+and you are coming to relieve our dullness in
+the country. How are our noble neighbours?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Quite well, I thank you,&#8221; replied the
+colonel, who felt himself one of great importance
+in being able to speak so readily and assuredly
+concerning nobility.</p>
+
+<p>And here we will take the opportunity, and a
+very fit one it is, of observing on a very curious
+fact, namely, that the reverence for nobility and
+high rank is not felt so acutely and powerfully
+by simple and unmixed plebeians, as it is by<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_319" id="Page_319">[319]</a></span>
+those who have some remote affinity to nobility,
+or who fancy themselves to be a shadow or two
+of a caste above the mere plebeian. Colonel
+Crop was not of noble family, but he was the
+last of a mighty puissant race of insignificant
+attenuated gentry in a country town; and as
+nobility was a scarce article in the neighbourhood
+where he was born and brought up, he
+was mightily proud of his intimacy with the
+noble family of the Spoonbills. But to proceed.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Now, colonel, as you are here,&#8221; said the
+worthy baronet, &#8220;I hope you will stay and
+spend the day with me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>We are always popping in our remarks upon
+everything that is done and said; and here again
+we cannot help remarking that Sir George Aimwell
+might have had the grace to say &#8220;with us,&#8221;
+as well as &#8220;with me;&#8221; but he thought so much
+of his own magisterial self, that he had no consideration
+of any one else.</p>
+
+<p>To the invitation thus given the gallant
+colonel scarcely knew what to say, for his com<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_320" id="Page_320">[320]</a></span>mission,
+though very definite as to purpose, was
+not definite as to time. Now the colonel, though
+a man of family, was somewhat obtuse, and by
+some people would have been called stupid;
+and he scarcely knew whether or not he should
+communicate to the amiable magistrate at
+Neverden Hall, the fact of Lord Spoonbill&#8217;s
+incognito presence at Smatterton castle. And as
+it was not possible for him to send back to the
+castle for further orders, he thought that the
+most prudent step that he could take would be
+to leave the matter of dining undecided, and go
+back in person to Smatterton for full directions.</p>
+
+<p>He gave therefore an undecided answer to
+the baronet&#8217;s invitation, saying that he had some
+&#8220;little matters&#8221; to attend to at Smatterton, and
+that, if he possibly could return to Neverden in
+the evening, he should be most happy to take his
+dinner with the worthy baronet.</p>
+
+<p>Back therefore to Smatterton trotted the convenient
+colonel, in order to report progress and
+ask leave to sit at the baronet&#8217;s table. Now we<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_321" id="Page_321">[321]</a></span>
+&#8220;guess&#8221; that some of our readers are sneering
+most contemptuously at this convenient colonel,
+and admiring the placid facility with which
+he is moved about from place to place at
+the nod of an hereditary legislator, and obeying
+all the commands of a tadpole senator. Yet
+why should any one think that he is unworthily
+or degradingly employed. Only let us
+imagine for a moment that the Right Honorable
+Lord Spoonbill is a most gracious, or a
+most Christian majesty, and that his negociations
+are for precisely the same purpose as they
+are at present; or that from negociations of this
+nature there may have arisen between two
+mighty and puissant nations a just and necessary
+war&mdash;such things have been&mdash;then would the
+said Colonel Crop, in his capacity of negociator,
+be regarded with profound admiration by all his
+majesty&#8217;s most faithful and loyal subjects; and
+morning and evening papers would be proud of
+putting forth second editions to immortalize his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_322" id="Page_322">[322]</a></span>
+diplomatic movements. But, as it is, ours is the
+only record of these matters.</p>
+
+<p>When Colonel Crop therefore returned to
+Smatterton castle, and informed his right honorable
+employer of what had passed at Neverden,
+Lord Spoonbill thought, though he did not say,
+that Colonel Crop was a great booby.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, colonel,&#8221; said his lordship, &#8220;by all
+means go back and take your dinner with Sir
+George; you may find out something about
+Darnley; I am in no hurry for your return, only
+let me know all that you can collect concerning
+this young lady; and above all endeavour to
+find out whether Mr Robert Darnley is spoken
+of as her future husband, or whether the acquaintance
+between them is broken off. That
+is all I wish to ascertain at present. I shall
+then know how to act. For don&#8217;t you see that,
+if Darnley keeps at a distance in consequence
+of the present reports, I am more likely to have
+her on my own terms. There is no heart so easy
+to win as that of a disappointed lover.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_323" id="Page_323">[323]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>With his instructions back went the colonel
+to Neverden. And as we have not the opportunity
+of giving verbal or senatorial advice to
+mighty and puissant princes, we will here do all
+we can for the good of our country, and of all
+countries into the language of which this history
+may be translated, by advising and most earnestly
+recommending that blockheads, however
+valorous or gallant, like our friend Colonel Crop,
+be not employed in diplomatic offices. There is
+a very great difference between the vigorous arm
+that can break a man&#8217;s head, and the ingenious
+dexterity which can bend a man&#8217;s heart. And,
+generally speaking, those people can have but
+little regard for brains, whose business it is to
+knock them out.</p>
+
+<p>For want of a dexterous diplomatist, Lord
+Spoonbill, as we shall see hereafter, was exposed
+to great inconvenience, and suffered mighty and
+serious disappointment.</p>
+
+<p>Colonel Crop was not sorry that leave was
+granted him to dine at Sir George Aimwell&#8217;s.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_324" id="Page_324">[324]</a></span>
+For the baronet had an excellent cook, and the
+cook had an excellent place, and few are the
+instances in which there exists so good an understanding
+between master and servant, as in
+the present case there did between the worthy
+magistrate and his as worthy cook.</p>
+
+<p>Whether Colonel Crop did or did not possess
+the organ of hope strongly developed in his
+skull, we cannot tell, for the gallant colonel has
+not yet been hanged; if he had, we might have
+found any organs we pleased; but we may suppose
+that he had the organ of anticipativeness,
+for his thoughts dwelt so seriously and intently
+upon the good dinner that he was likely to
+enjoy at Sir George Aimwell&#8217;s table, that he did
+actually and truly forget a great part of his
+errand. Oh, how selfish is mortal man!</p>
+
+<p>The colonel, however, with all his propensity
+to oblivion, had sufficient memory to recollect
+that his business was to ascertain whether Mr
+Darnley, son of the rector of Neverden, still continued
+his acquaintance with a young lady or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_325" id="Page_325">[325]</a></span>
+not. At the table of Sir George Aimwell there
+was introduced a young lady, Miss Glossop.
+The name of Glossop bears no very marked
+affinity to that of Primrose, but by some strange
+fatality or fatuity, the gallant colonel confounded
+them. The young lady, by a certain dashing
+style of behaviour, passed off with the colonel
+as a remarkably fine young woman; and when
+Sir George Aimwell spoke banteringly to her
+concerning Robert Darnley, then the gallant
+negociator was sure that this was the lady in
+question.</p>
+
+<p>There was a still farther corroboration in the
+circumstance that this lady was gifted with
+remarkable vocal powers. The colonel was no
+great judge of music, but he could see that she
+played very rapidly, and he could hear that she
+sung very loud; and therefore he entertained the
+same notion of her musical talents which she
+herself did.</p>
+
+<p>The musical exhibition took place after tea.
+Lady Aimwell cared little about music or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_326" id="Page_326">[326]</a></span>
+anything else, and in the presence of her husband&#8217;s
+visitors she generally shewed her dignity
+by looking sulky. But Colonel Crop was
+so vastly polite, that her ladyship was generally
+more civil and courteous to him than to any
+other guests who were attracted to Neverden
+Hall by the fame of the baronet&#8217;s cook.</p>
+
+<p>And while Miss Glossop was amusing herself
+with melodious vociferations, and singing and
+playing so loud that the poor magistrate could
+hardly keep his eyes shut, Colonel Crop and
+Lady Aimwell were engaged in a whispering or
+muttering conversation, all about nothing at all.
+They both agreed that it was remarkable weather,
+neither of them had remembered it so mild
+for many years. Lady Aimwell was very well
+pleased to hear Colonel Crop&#8217;s common-place
+nothings which he had brought from London,
+and her ladyship related all that had taken place
+at Neverden since the colonel was there last.</p>
+
+<p>Her ladyship was not especially partial to
+Miss Glossop. There was some little jealousy<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_327" id="Page_327">[327]</a></span>
+in the heart of Lady Aimwell that this stranger,
+as it were, should occupy so much of the baronet&#8217;s
+attention. Disagreeable people are generally
+the most jealous. Her ladyship noticed the
+music.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I wonder,&#8221; muttered the fretful one to
+Colonel Crop, &#8220;that Sir George can bear to hear
+such a constant noise. I am sure he knows
+nothing of music. There is a great deal of talk
+about her fine voice and her rapid execution;
+her voice sounds to my ear very much like the
+voice of a peacock.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Saying this her ladyship smiled, because it
+was almost witty, and the colonel also smiled,
+for he too thought it was witty.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But I beg your pardon, colonel,&#8221; said her
+ladyship; &#8220;perhaps you may be partial to
+music?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;By no means,&#8221; replied the colonel, &#8220;and I
+was not aware that Sir George was partial to it.
+Our friends at the castle are very musical.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It was pleasant for the colonel to be able to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_328" id="Page_328">[328]</a></span>
+talk about our friends at the castle; but Lady
+Aimwell, though not very ambitious of publicity
+in the gay world, was rather jealous of the
+Smatterton great ones, and thought herself
+treated with too much haughtiness and distance
+by the Earl and Countess.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I wish that all that noise and affectation
+were at the castle, instead of tormenting me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Thus spoke Lady Aimwell. Now, thought
+Colonel Crop, there was a fine opportunity for
+introducing his diplomacy; and for that purpose
+the gallant negociator said, in a very knowing
+accent:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But I think I have heard that this young
+lady is likely to give her hand to a Mr &mdash;&mdash;
+Mr &mdash;&mdash; bless me, I forget names.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Do you mean Mr Darnley,&#8221; said her ladyship,
+&#8220;the son of our rector?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, yes,&#8221; replied the colonel,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_329" id="Page_329">[329]</a></span> &#8220;I believe
+that is the name; Darnley, Darnley, ay, ay,
+that is the name. This lady is going to be married
+to Mr Darnley, I have heard.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh no!&#8221; replied her ladyship, &#8220;I don&#8217;t
+believe it. I can hardly think it probable. Indeed&mdash;but
+I hope it will go no further&#8221;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Here her ladyship spoke in a still lower key
+and more subdued tone, and the gallant colonel
+listened with profound attention, and with great
+delight did he hear her ladyship thus speak:</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;There has, I believe, been some talk about
+such an affair, and Robert Darnley has met her
+here once or twice. But the truth is, he seems
+to know her character and disposition too well.
+And if there were any such thoughts on his part,
+I am sure he has given up all such idea by this
+time. Indeed, I do not think that there ever was
+much regard on either side.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This was grand intelligence for the colonel.
+He felt himself mightily important. He soon
+ceased the conversation, and took his leave of
+the family at Neverden Hall, and he reported
+all that he had heard and seen according to the
+best of his ability.</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_330" id="Page_330">[330]</a></span></p>
+<p>&#8220;Well, my lord, I have seen your Arabella.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Penelope, you mean;&#8221; interrupted his lordship.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay, ay, Penelope; bless me, how soon I
+forget names. So I have seen her and heard
+her.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;She plays and sings delightfully,&#8221; said Lord
+Spoonbill.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Wonderfully,&#8221; replied the colonel, who was
+more than usually eloquent in consequence of
+the good success of his diplomacy: &#8220;to be sure
+I do not understand music, but I never saw so
+rapid an execution in my life.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But,&#8221; interrupted his impatient lordship,
+&#8220;did you hear anything about that Darnley?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes,&#8221; replied the colonel, with mighty pomp
+and energy of manner. &#8220;Lady Aimwell told me,
+in confidence, that Darnley knew her character
+too well to think of marrying her. These were
+her ladyship&#8217;s own words.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Now, Crop, you have done me a service
+indeed. Now I think the day is our own.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>When the good friends parted for the night,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_331" id="Page_331">[331]</a></span>
+his delighted lordship was so occupied with his
+own sweet thoughts that he was quite intoxicated
+with joy. He would, had he been able, have
+sung a <i>Te Deum</i>; and it would be very well if
+<i>Te Deum</i> had never been sung on occasions quite
+as unworthy as, if not infinitely more so than
+the present.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p class="frontispiece p6">END OF THE SECOND VOLUME.</p>
+
+<p class="frontispiece p6 b4">
+LONDON:<br />
+<span class="small">PRINTED BY C. H. REYNELL, BROAD STREET, GOLDEN SQUARE.</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<div class="tnote"><p class="center">TRANSCRIBER&rsquo;S NOTES.</p>
+
+<p class="center">Original spelling has been retained, unless it&rsquo;s clearly a printer&rsquo;s error.</p>
+
+<p class="center">The following corrections have been made in the text:</p>
+
+<div class="left">
+<table summary="Corrections">
+
+<tr><th><b>Page</b></th><th><b>Original text</b></th><th><b>Corrected text</b></th></tr>
+<tr><td class="w20"><a href="#Page_34">34</a></td><td class="w40">Smattertno</td><td class="w40">Smatterton</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="w20"><a href="#Page_59">59</a></td><td class="w40">too verturn</td><td class="w40">to overturn</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="w20"><a href="#Page_111">111</a></td><td class="w40">gird</td><td class="w40">girl</td></tr>
+<tr><td class="w20"><a href="#Page_231">231</a></td><td class="w40">enoug</td><td class="w40">enough</td></tr>
+</table></div></div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Penelope: or, Love's Labour Lost, 
+Vol. 2 (of 3), by William Pitt Scargill
+
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Penelope: or, Love's Labour Lost,  Vol. 2
+(of 3), by William Pitt Scargill
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Penelope: or, Love's Labour Lost,  Vol. 2 (of 3)
+
+Author: William Pitt Scargill
+
+Release Date: November 11, 2013 [EBook #44159]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PENELOPE: OR, LOVE'S LABOUR ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Heather Clark, Joke Van Dorst and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
+file was produced from images generously made available
+by The Internet Archive)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+PENELOPE:
+
+OR,
+
+LOVE'S LABOUR LOST.
+
+A NOVEL.
+
+IN THREE VOLUMES.
+
+
+II.
+
+
+  LONDON:
+  PRINTED FOR HUNT AND CLARKE,
+  YORK STREET, COVENT GARDEN.
+
+
+  1828.
+
+
+  LONDON:
+  PRINTED BY C. H. REYNELL, BROAD STREET, GOLDEN SQUARE.
+
+
+  PENELOPE:
+  OR,
+  LOVE'S LABOUR LOST.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+Lord Spoonbill was not less disappointed than the Countess of
+Smatterton, to hear that Penelope was in daily expectation of seeing
+her father. Hereditary legislators are sometimes perplexed, and in
+the present case the son of the Earl of Smatterton was in a state of
+grievous doubt and agitation.
+
+His object in the first instance had been to take Penelope under his
+protection, and he supposed that if the correspondence between her
+and Robert Darnley could be broken off, there would be very little
+difficulty in inducing her to comply with his proposals. For it was
+his intention to make a most liberal settlement and to place her in
+a very handsome establishment. Living as he had always in splendour,
+and enjoying the luxuries and ostentation of wealth, though accustomed
+to them from his birth, he thought, that to one educated in such
+humble obscurity as Penelope had been, these fascinations would be
+irresistible. During the short time that he had been under the same
+roof with her, he had seen and observed more of the character of her
+mind, and he felt that it was not personal beauty alone that she
+possessed, but that her disposition was kind and her temper beautiful;
+and therefore he loved her with a much purer regard than ever he had
+before entertained for any one of the sex. He loved her so much, in
+fact, that he absolutely regretted that her rank in life was not nearer
+to his own.
+
+It now also occurred to him, from what he had heard in the autumn,
+that it was very probable that Robert Darnley might be in England, and
+that through the intervention of Mr Primrose some explanation might
+bring the parties together again, and thus his lordship's hopes would
+be disappointed and his schemes frustrated. Then there came into his
+lordship's mind the thought of the intercepted letters, and with that
+thought the fear that a discovery might be made as to the manner in
+which, and the person by whom, they had been intercepted. But that fear
+was transient, for his lordship confidently said to himself, "It is
+absolutely impossible that Nick Muggins should betray me." What could
+his lordship be thinking about when he uttered this soliloquy? Did the
+Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill think that the principle of honor was
+stronger in the mind of Nick Muggins, the Smatterton post-boy, than it
+was in his own Right Honorable self? Wherein, did his lordship imagine,
+consisted the essential superiority of the high born above the sons of
+the peasantry? Did his lordship imagine that the only difference was in
+titles and soft white hands? It is not for us to know what lords may
+think, it is enough for us to gaze with wonderment on what they do.
+
+Present circumstances and present feelings compelled Lord Spoonbill to
+enter into serious deliberation with himself as to what step he should
+pursue. He could not for a moment admit the possibility of making an
+honorable offer of his hand to the young lady; such a proposal would
+have been the death of the Earl of Smatterton. That offer, which his
+lordship gravely called the other proposal, required a little more
+circumlocution and management; for his lordship was not quite so simple
+as not to be aware that, if making the first proposal was condescension
+on his part, accepting the latter would be condescension on the part
+of the lady. There was required for this purpose a tolerably strong
+attachment to his lordship, which might not yet exist in the lady's
+mind. And though Lord Spoonbill was not by any means a man of great
+understanding or extraordinary penetration, yet in those matters in
+which he was most conversant he was not altogether unskilful. In
+pursuits of a similar nature to the present, his lordship was by no
+means inexpert; but, in the present instance, he knew that the person
+in question was gifted with mental powers superior to those which
+had belonged to his previous victims, and his own regard for her was
+somewhat more tender and respectful.
+
+These considerations on the one hand told his lordship that success
+would be endangered by precipitancy, while the fact that Mr Primrose,
+in the course of a day or two, would make his appearance, rendered it
+necessary that some immediate steps should be taken. It is a great pity
+that hereditary legislators, who are born to govern a nation, should
+in any case be incapable of legislating for themselves. Such a case
+now occurred. Lord Spoonbill thought of calling to his aid the counsel
+of a friend. For this purpose he forthwith ordered his horse for a
+morning ride; and, after an unmercifully rapid gallop of ten miles, he
+dismounted at the door of one of the prettiest little cottages within
+twenty miles of London.
+
+This cottage was almost secluded from the sight of the world, but was
+yet within reach of life's gaieties and luxuries. Its secludedness was
+owing partly to the immensely thick plantations by which it was hidden
+from the road, and partly to the narrow and almost imperceptible lane
+which led to it. The external appearance of the plantation was rugged
+and uncultivated and neglected; and this appearance was, on the part of
+the owner and occupier of the place, cunningly intentional. He was a
+man who loved seclusion, but who loved the world; but the world which
+he loved was not the miscellaneous world of promiscuous humanity; it
+was only the world of select and superfastidious fashion, of graceful
+gaiety and refined voluptuousness. He loved society not as society, but
+as the means of more intense and effective sensual gratification. Our
+readers, we trust, will excuse and accompany us if we describe with
+very particular minuteness this very singular character. He belonged
+not to any class, or tribe, or general description of men; for if he
+had, a few words of outline would suffice to state the class to which
+he belonged, and imagination or observation might supply the rest. But
+he was a perfect unique.
+
+His personal appearance was striking, though not marked by any
+decided or obvious singularity. He was tall and well formed, finely
+proportioned and of graceful carriage. The top of his head was entirely
+and shiningly bald; his complexion was fair, and there was for the most
+part a look of good humour and easy gaiety in his countenance; but an
+attentive observer might occasionally perceive a transient cloudiness
+that looked like disappointment, and there were also visible traces
+of slight asperity and symptoms of sneer and contemptuousness. In
+his dress he was fastidiously accurate and expensively splendid. He
+regarded fashion no farther than as it gave him an opportunity of
+exhibiting himself to the greatest possible advantage.
+
+Of the qualities of his mind it is difficult to speak intelligibly.
+He was intellectual, though sensual; his reading was remarkably
+limited, and his knowledge as remarkably extensive. He had received
+the rudiments of his education at Westminster, and had finished his
+studies at Cambridge, at which place he had become acquainted with Lord
+Spoonbill. But, notwithstanding all the opportunities which had been
+afforded him, he had not made what is called progress in literature. He
+was perfect in no species of knowledge or science which is derivable
+from books. He had learned Greek, Latin, French, Italian and German,
+but he was familiar with none of them. He had slightly attended to the
+exact sciences, but he had forgotten of them everything but their
+existence. He had read ancient and modern history; his recollection
+of them was little, but clear, and when he had any occasion to speak
+of any of their facts or their philosophies, he generally spoke with
+accuracy, and thereby acquired a reputation, which he had no wish or
+ambition to acquire, of being a well read man. Few people speak Greek
+or Latin, and therefore our gentleman, not being examined, passed
+for a scholar. Everybody who pretends to any degree of refinement or
+fashion, interslops his own native language with an ungrammatical nasal
+blattering, called quoting French; and our gentleman had picked up
+enough of that affected trumpery to pass well in the society which he
+occasionally frequented. With how small a portion of real literature
+and actual knowledge a man may pass muster in society, is only known to
+those who love the reputation of scholarship better than its toils.
+
+The gentleman of whom we are speaking was too politic to trouble
+himself about politics. His politics, if the theory of such an
+indolent one may be called by that name, were Ascendancy politics.
+Those are the best subjects who never trouble their heads about
+politics: if we were king we should always encourage and patronize such
+people. The tame negroes in the West India islands do not trouble their
+heads about politics, nor do the subjects of the Emperor of Morocco, or
+the King of Persia, for if they did, their heads would soon cease to
+trouble them. The people of the United States do trouble their heads,
+but the time may come when there may be in that part of the world a
+great multitude who will not trouble their heads about politics; it
+will then be a much pleasanter thing to be king of America than it
+would now. But while we say that our gentleman was indifferent to
+politics, and therefore a good subject, we by no means wish it to be
+understood that he was a Tory, for Tories do trouble their heads about
+politics, and trouble other people's heads too.
+
+This person eschewed partisanship, because it would give him trouble
+to belong to a party. His principle was to possess and enjoy animally
+every luxury within his reach; but at the same time to avoid those
+excesses which are palpably and obviously ruinous to the constitution.
+He had made the experiment for very few years, but he began to find
+thus early that the experiment was not likely to succeed. For want of
+exertion and activity the keenness of his relish had already begun to
+abate; and by carefully extracting the bitter ingredients from life's
+cup and casting them away, he found that its sweets were sickening and
+saturating. Whatever was annoying to mind or body, he endeavoured,
+and in most cases successfully, to avoid. But there was gradually and
+surely coming upon him the bitterest of all annoyances; that kind of
+mental suffering which is only describable in the language of paradox,
+and which we will set down for the purpose of giving the purblind
+puppies of criticism something to yelp at. He was then beginning to
+feel the bitterness of sweetness, the darkness of light, the discord
+of harmony, the solitude of society, the weariness of rest, the
+deformity of beauty; but he knew not how and from whence this annoyance
+was coming upon him. He had felt that sensibility was painful, and he
+had suppressed or neutralized it; he avoided the sight or thought of
+suffering, for he felt that sympathy with pain was painful. He had not
+exercised the powers of his mind, lest that exercise should interfere
+with that system of luxurious enjoyment which he had adopted. He had
+despised and derided the moral feeling, and had studiously guarded
+himself against all reproofs which conscience might administer to him.
+But with all this care he experienced feelings far more oppressive than
+those against which he guarded.
+
+Now the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill was also a man of no mental
+exertion, but he was a man of no mental power; he also was sensual,
+but his was not a deliberate and studied sensuality, it was purely
+animal and instinctive. He was an Epicurean, but not an Epicurean
+philosopher. At Cambridge he had been acquainted with this Mr
+Erpingham, and he had admired the dextrous sophistry by which this
+gentleman had proved the worse to be the better cause. Mr Erpingham
+had also been proud of the acquaintance with nobility, though Lord
+Spoonbill was a younger man than he. And they had become the confidents
+and companions of each others profligacies.
+
+In a difficulty therefore of that kind to which we have above alluded,
+it is not to be wondered at that his lordship should enter into
+consultation, or at least into conversation, concerning the subject
+with his good friend Erpingham.
+
+We would not, however, have our readers imagine that Lord Spoonbill was
+quite such a ninny as to make it the subject of deliberate consultation
+and express enquiry, to learn what he ought to do on the present
+occasion; he merely meant to make a call upon his friend, and he was
+prompted to make that call by the circumstances in which he was then
+placed with regard to Penelope Primrose. His object was to talk the
+matter over, and he certainly could not have selected a properer person
+to take part in such conversation.
+
+The two friends had not met for some time; the interview was agreeable
+therefore to both parties; for they had a great mutual respect for each
+other: Lord Spoonbill admired Mr Erpingham's talents, and Mr Erpingham
+had a high respect for Lord Spoonbill's title and high connexions.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+Lord Spoonbill was ushered into an apartment, the air of which was warm
+and fragrant: the warmth came from Newcastle, and the fragrancy from
+Bond street. At first entering the room his lordship saw not any one to
+whom his name could have been announced. The servant who had opened the
+door for him closed it immediately behind him, and he seemed to be in
+an empty apartment. By an instinct natural to an Englishman he advanced
+towards the fire-place, and there he presently saw on a sofa, the back
+of which was towards the door, his friend Erpingham reclining at full
+length, and having before him an open volume placed on a low table,
+which had been constructed and adapted for reading on a sofa. This was
+what Erpingham called "reading made easy."
+
+His lordship expressed by his looks some surprise that his friend
+should not rise from the sofa, and said, "Erpingham! are you unwell?"
+
+"Ah! Spoonbill, is it you? Excuse my not rising to receive you; but the
+fact is, I have been trying for the last hour and a half to get into an
+easy position, and I have but just accomplished it, and if I move now
+I shall not be able to recover the position, and you know how wretched
+that sensation is. Well, how are the old materials?"
+
+This last question referred to the health of the Earl and Countess of
+Smatterton; and it was a phrase which Erpingham had learned from Lord
+Spoonbill himself.
+
+To this question Lord Spoonbill made the regular response, and
+continued, "How is it, Erpingham, that I never have the pleasure of
+seeing you unless I ride over to you?"
+
+"Can't say," was the careless reply: "but," continued the
+Epicurean, "I am not partial to mixed company. Now your house in town
+is too multitudinous for me.--But my Clarissa tells me that the Countess
+of Smatterton is going to astonish the whole world by introducing a new
+first-rate voice."
+
+For explanation, it may be enough to inform the reader that Clarissa
+held the same place in Mr Erpingham's establishment as Lord Spoonbill
+wished Penelope to hold in his. His lordship therefore was not sorry
+that the subject should be thus introduced, and he replied:
+
+"Exactly so. But we have our doubts whether the lady will, under
+present circumstances, assent to the arrangement: for when she came
+to London, it was as an orphan, but now her father has returned from
+India after a long, and, I suppose, a profitable absence. Mr Primrose,
+the father, is now on his way from Smatterton, and he has said in his
+letter to his daughter, that he is about to place her in a home of his
+own. So I fear we shall lose this star."
+
+Mr Erpingham did not lay anything very much to heart, and therefore
+he did not express any serious lamentation on this probable loss. He
+directed his remarks to other matters; and among other questions which
+he asked of Lord Spoonbill, alluding to the circumstances and events of
+his lordship's life, he enquired: "And have you got rid of your dear
+little Ellen at last? You had a great deal of trouble with her, I think
+you told me some time ago."
+
+Lord Spoonbill was quite as profligate as his elegant friend, but he
+had not so successfully and completely neutralized all his feelings.
+Though his profligacy therefore was coarser than that of Erpingham,
+and though his lordship was not over gifted with sensibility, yet he
+was not so entirely and systematically heartless. To this question
+concerning poor Ellen he shook his head, and said:
+
+"Why, yes; I was sorry for the poor thing too: she was very much in
+love with me at one time, I really believe."
+
+"Ay," replied Erpingham, "that was bad. It is quite annoying to have
+a woman in love with one. I could not endure it. I make it a rule
+never to encourage anything of the kind. You were too much addicted
+to sentimentality when you were at Cambridge. I suspect now that you
+are more than half in love with this Miss Primrose. Is she pretty and
+silly?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill frowned at the question, and did not answer it.
+
+"Oh, well," replied his friend, "I have no wish to be in your
+confidence. Pray don't tell me any more of your secrets than you wish
+me to know. And if you are going to talk as much nonsense to me about
+Miss Primrose as you did two years ago about your 'dear little Ellen,'
+I must beg to be excused. Positively, Spoonbill, I have grown quite
+nervous of late."
+
+"I think," replied his lordship, "you have grown quite provoking. I
+have no intention of boring your ears with any sentimentality, as you
+are pleased to call it."
+
+This being uttered in a petulant tone, and Erpingham not liking to
+take the trouble of replying in the same tone, contented himself with
+indolently saying:
+
+"Well, well, don't be angry. Say what you please. I will bear it very
+patiently."
+
+Lord Spoonbill having but little time to spare, and being very desirous
+of unburthening his mind to his friend, suffered this kind of careless
+half-apology to extract from him the secret of his attachment to
+Penelope. Erpingham listened as attentively as he could to the story,
+and when it was finished he yawned out, "Ah! sure! But what assistance
+can I give you?"
+
+It was not very easy to answer that question. His lordship was more
+disposed indeed to ask questions than answer them, and therefore,
+instead of replying to the question of his friend, he said: "Now what
+would you advise me to do?"
+
+"Make her an offer of a handsome establishment. I suppose she is
+violently in love with you."
+
+"I cannot be quite sure of that," replied his lordship; "but I
+believe I am not quite disagreeable to her."
+
+"There is something in that," replied Erpingham; "but not much.
+According to your account of this Miss Primrose, it should seem
+that she is of a good family, and perhaps the arrangement that you
+contemplate would not be acceded to."
+
+"That," answered his lordship, "is what I most fear; and I will
+acknowledge to you that I am so far in love, that rather than lose her
+I would actually marry her."
+
+"Marry her," exclaimed the Epicurean; "marry her! Impossible!"
+Saying this, Erpingham roused himself from his indolent lounging
+posture, and with much greater energy than he was accustomed to use, he
+said: "Spoonbill, I am not much in the habit of either giving or
+taking advice, but I will for once so far advise you as to say, that if
+you contemplate marrying Miss Primrose, you must not on any account
+whatever make her any other offer."
+
+"Why so?" replied his booby lordship, with a stare of awkward
+astonishment.
+
+"Why so!" echoed his friend; "because, if the young lady has a proper
+sense of her own dignity, she will not accept an offer of marriage from
+one who has made her an offer of another description; and if she has
+not that sense of dignity, but merely makes a profitable market of your
+passion for her, she will despise you for a fond fool, and you, when
+your fondness is over, will look upon her as a cunning, artful baggage.
+I know nothing about Miss Primrose; but I am very sure that no woman
+is fit to be a wife who could ever forgive a proposal of a different
+description."
+
+The sagacious hereditary legislator could not understand this logic,
+and he stared at his friend as if he thought that he was crazy. "Bless
+my soul, Erpingham," at length he said, "what nonsense you are talking.
+I really cannot understand you. What can be more natural and regular
+than to offer her marriage, if she will not accept me on any other
+terms. You talk about hating sentimentality; I am sure you are now
+talking as much sentimentality as any one need wish to hear."
+
+Erpingham had exerted himself so much by the two last speeches which
+he had made, as not to wish to continue the discussion, or to undergo
+any more blundering interrogations from his noble friend; he therefore
+began to resume his indolent attitude, and said, "Well, do as you like
+best, Spoonbill, only remember I did not refuse my advice when you
+asked it. Will you stop now and take your dinner with me?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill was not any more disposed than his friend to carry on
+the discourse, and therefore declined the invitation to dine, and made
+the best of his way home again. As he rode homewards he attempted to
+think, but he found no small difficulty in that mental operation. There
+are some advertising schoolmasters who profess to teach their pupils to
+think; but as we were not educated in one of these thought-mongering
+seminaries, we cannot think how thinking can be taught. It may be
+possible, for the only impossibility in these days is to decide a
+priori that anything is impossible. But we do verily believe that,
+had Lord Spoonbill been at one of these establishments, he would have
+puzzled his preceptor as much as his preceptor would have puzzled him.
+
+By the time that his lordship had arrived at home he had come to
+the conclusion of his thinking, and the result was, that he thought
+Erpingham to be quite an altered man; and he also thought that he would
+not follow the ridiculous advice which his friend had given him.
+
+Penelope made her appearance at dinner, and looked, as Lord Spoonbill
+said, most divinely. How Lord Spoonbill should know what divine
+looks are, we cannot tell: perhaps he meant that Penelope looked
+like a parson. However Penelope might look at dinner, it is very
+certain that Lord Spoonbill looked very much at Penelope. But the
+young lady's thoughts were so pleasingly and agreeably engaged, and
+her anticipations were so delightful, that everybody and everything
+appeared agreeable to her. It was very different with the Countess of
+Smatterton. Her anticipations were not very pleasant: her ladyship
+apprehended that the return of Mr Primrose to England would be
+the destruction of her prospects, as far as they related to Miss
+Primrose. Having already observed that the young lady had manifested
+some reluctance to the public exhibition of her musical talents, the
+Countess very naturally supposed that Mr Primrose would indulge an only
+child in whatever fancy she might take up.
+
+It was unfortunate also for the Countess, that she could not easily
+suppress her feelings of displeasure or dissatisfaction when any
+of her favourite fancies were disappointed. Having already so far
+committed herself among her rival prodigy-fanciers as to make a kind
+of preliminary exhibition of her newly discovered wonder, her ladyship
+felt that it would be very mortifying indeed to make her appearance
+in town without fulfilling the high promises which she had made, and
+gratifying the expectations which she had raised.
+
+It is mortifying to spend money for nothing; but it is infinitely more
+mortifying to be at the expense of a prodigious deal of condescension
+to answer at last no good or self-gratifying end. This was the loss
+and the mortification which the Countess of Smatterton now suffered,
+or at least anticipated. Instead therefore of the usual courteous
+manner which her ladyship had hitherto manifested towards the niece
+of the late rector of Smatterton, there was coldness, haughtiness,
+and silence. The Earl of Smatterton had not so quick a perception as
+the Countess, and he had not anticipated any disappointment in the
+return of Penelope's father to England. His lordship still continued to
+sport the condescensions, and he did not take any notice whatever of
+her ladyship's fit of ill-humour. When stupid men are henpecked they
+often receive more pity than they need, for they are very frequently
+insensible to many of the ill-humours of their mates.
+
+Now, as the Countess was silent, an opportunity was offered for his
+lordship to talk. Happy would it be if all married people would talk
+only one at a time.
+
+"And so, Miss Primrose," thus spake the Earl of Smatterton, "I find
+that you expect shortly to see your father. It is a long while, I
+think, since you have seen him?"
+
+"It is sixteen years, my lord," answered Penelope.
+
+"Sixteen years!" repeated his lordship: "you will hardly recollect
+him. The meeting, I dare say, will be very interesting. And may I ask,
+what time in the day you expect your father?"
+
+"I fear it will be late in the day, my lord, for my father will not
+arrive in London till twelve or one o'clock. His letter tells me that
+he will call soon after that time at your lordship's house in town,
+where he supposes I now am."
+
+"He will be disappointed at not finding you in town," said Lord
+Smatterton.
+
+There was much truth in this last remark of his lordship's. The Earl
+was somewhat remarkable for the intense and unquestionable truth
+of many of his remarks. He was by no means given to what is called
+romancing. Indeed, so exquisitely and unquestionably true was this
+observation, that Penelope thought it needed not the corroboration of
+her assent, but that it must carry conviction to every mind. And so
+it did; and especially to the mind of the Countess, who immediately
+observed: "Perhaps it may be agreeable to Miss Primrose to go to town
+early to-morrow morning for the purpose of meeting her father."
+
+Her ladyship made this proposal because she had no desire to entertain
+Mr Primrose, and she thought that if Penelope was to be taken from her
+patronage at all, the sooner it was done the better. What prodigious
+lies patrons and patronesses do tell when they profess to have no
+other object in view than the welfare and happiness of those whom they
+patronise. The Countess of Smatterton had been pleasing herself with
+the thought that she should be the talk of the season, as producing
+and exhibiting such a prodigy as Miss Primrose; and her ladyship, who
+was very partial to thanks, had been enjoying the anticipation of
+Penelope's overpowering gratitude for such distinguished and desirable
+patronage. But when all these pleasant and agreeable speculations
+seemed to burst like a bubble, then was her ladyship very angry and
+morose; and it was her wish to let Penelope know how deeply the
+disappointment was felt. There were no words however which her ladyship
+could use expressive of her feelings, and at the same time reproachful
+to Miss Primrose. It was not Penelope's fault that her father, after
+an absence of sixteen years, was now returned to England; nor would it
+have been proper and just ground of rebuke that the young lady should
+be pleased at the thought of seeing her father again, and be ready
+to yield herself to his direction in preference to undergoing the
+precarious patronage of the great.
+
+Lady Smatterton was not the less ill-humoured because she had no just
+ground on which she might utter the language of expostulation and
+reproof to Penelope, but on the contrary her anger was greater: for had
+there been an opportunity of indulging in language of reproach, that
+very circumstance would have been a relief and consolation. It was not
+therefore with a very agreeable intonation nor with the accompaniment
+of the most gracious of all possible looks that her ladyship proposed
+that Penelope should go to town to meet her father. But the poor girl
+being happy in her own thoughts, and unconscious of anything done
+or said by her that could be offensive to the Countess, was quite
+unobservant of the harshness of her ladyship's manner, and thought
+only of the substantial kindness of the proposal. To the suggestion of
+the Countess Penelope therefore replied with grateful and pleasurable
+vivacity:
+
+"Your ladyship is extremely kind; and, if it is not giving too much
+trouble, I should certainly be happy to take the earliest opportunity
+of meeting my father."
+
+"It will be giving no trouble," hastily and sharply replied her
+ladyship; "there are coaches to town almost every hour. They will tell
+you in the housekeeper's room what time the first coach goes."
+
+Some high-spirited young ladies would have been mightily indignant
+at a reference from a nobleman's table to the housekeeper's room
+and stage-coaches. But Penelope was not so high-spirited; she was so
+completely occupied with the thought of an early meeting with her
+father, that nothing else was able to obtain possession of her mind.
+
+A momentary pause followed the last observation of the Countess; and
+then, in his own peculiarly majestic manner, the Earl of Smatterton
+said, "I am of opinion that it is not quite proper and suitable for a
+young lady to travel in a stage alone and unprotected."
+
+With exquisite, and as if premeditated, promptitude Lord Spoonbill
+replied, "Certainly not; but there will be no necessity for Miss
+Primrose going alone or in the stage-coach at all. I shall drive up to
+town tomorrow morning, and if the young lady will accept of a seat in
+my gig, I shall be most happy in her company."
+
+Hereupon a general family frowning took place. The Countess frowned at
+the Earl, his lordship frowned at Lord Spoonbill, and Lord Spoonbill
+frowned at the Countess; and if Penelope had not been too polite she
+would have laughed at all three. Lord Spoonbill, however, in spite of
+frowns, determined to have his own way, and seeing that Penelope was
+desirous of going to town, insisted on accompanying her.
+
+The Countess was next puzzled how to part with Miss Primrose; whether
+as concluding that the young lady would not return to her and adopt
+the profession which had been recommended by her ladyship, or as
+admitting the probability that Mr Primrose would not object to the
+public employment of his daughter's musical talents. For with all
+her ladyship's alarm at the return of Mr Primrose to England, it had
+not yet appeared that his return would interfere with her ladyship's
+schemes. The probability however was, that when there was no pecuniary
+necessity for the exercise of these talents, they would not be
+cultivated for public display.
+
+Before the Countess parted from Penelope for the night, her ladyship
+said, "Miss Primrose, as I presume that your father may not object to
+the profession which I have chosen for you, may I ask when it will be
+convenient for you to take lessons previous to your public appearance:
+for it is now time to think of that matter? Of course you know that I
+have engaged a preceptor for you?"
+
+The Countess of Smatterton had more fears than hopes on the subject,
+and as for Penelope herself, she had taken it for granted that the
+return of her father would of course release her from dependence
+on strangers, and consequently render all professional employment
+unnecessary. She was therefore startled at the question, but with
+tolerable promptitude and presence of mind, replied:
+
+"I am grateful for your ladyship's kindness. But, till I have seen my
+father, it is impossible to say when I can begin to apply myself to the
+instruction so kindly provided. I will return as soon as----"
+
+The Countess understood this sentence, and answered with rather more
+asperity than became a kind and condescending patron: "You need not
+trouble yourself to return to me, Miss Primrose, unless you please to
+accept of the instruction that I have provided for you. If I confer
+favours I expect to choose what favours I shall confer."
+
+Penelope made no reply, for her heart was full, and she thought of Mrs
+Greendale; but, under all this, the joy at the thought of her father's
+return kept her spirits from sinking.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+It was a very fine morning when Lord Spoonbill's gig was brought to
+the door to convey Penelope to London. The young lady was joyful even
+to tears. Hers was a joy of such intoxicating and almost bewildering
+nature, that it became necessary for her to exercise some restraint
+over herself, lest she should make herself ridiculous by ungoverned
+prating. Lord Spoonbill was also pleased with the commission which
+he had given to himself, to conduct the young lady to town. But his
+pleasure was mingled with thoughtfulness, and alloyed by meditating
+and contriving. He not been inexperienced in the winning of female
+affection, but he was conscious that there was in the mind of Penelope
+something widely different from and far superior to those with whom his
+former intimacies had been.
+
+Deeply and seriously did he endeavour to revolve in his mind the advice
+which he had received from his friend Erpingham. But his lordship's
+mind was unfortunately too narrow and contracted to afford room for
+anything to turn round in it. He tried and tried, but all to no
+purpose, to understand what Erpingham could possibly mean, when he
+said that a woman is not fit for a wife who can forgive an offer of a
+different description. His lordship, on the contrary, thought that a
+woman is not fit for a wife who is of an unforgiving disposition.
+
+So far indeed as his lordship's own personal feelings were concerned
+he would have had no objection whatever to offer his hand to Miss
+Primrose; an offer which he thought of course could not possibly be
+rejected. But then again he thought of his dignity; and he remembered
+how very severely he had spoken, and how very contemptibly he had
+thought, of some titled individuals who had so far compromised their
+dignity as to marry from the lower orders. Yet there was something so
+elegant and so naturally noble in Penelope's look, manner, expression,
+tone of voice, carriage and person, that nature itself seemed to have
+ennobled her. She seemed fitted for any station in society. This was
+all very true; but Lord Spoonbill could not for all this reconcile his
+mind to the thought of raising Miss Primrose to the exalted rank of
+the Spoonbill family. He was fearful too that the degradation would
+break his mother's heart. All these thoughts, if thoughts they might be
+called, with myriads more of the same complexion and tendency, passed
+through the mind, if mind he had any, of the son and heir of the Right
+Honorable the Earl of Smatterton.
+
+We have said it was a fine morning, and if two of the English nation
+can on such a morning travel together without talking about the
+fineness of the weather, when it is really fine, they are two that we
+have never seen, heard, or read of.
+
+"We have a beautiful morning for our ride, Miss Primrose," said Lord
+Spoonbill.
+
+"Beautiful, indeed," replied Penelope; and she said it with such
+energy, with such heart-bounding glee, as if the sun had never shewn
+her its cloudless face before. And never indeed had it shone so
+brightly before to her. There is something peculiarly and positively
+beautiful in a fine bright day in the midst of winter. The shortness
+of its light adds to its intensity and condenses its interest. But
+when there is sunshine within as well as without, and when the heart
+is young, pure, hopeful and buoyant, then is there felt a revelry of
+delight, a wantonness of happiness. So felt Penelope on this bright
+and brilliant winter's morning. And when there was added to the joyous
+feeling within and to the effect of the spirit-stirring anticipation
+with which she set out on her journey, the bracing and sharpening
+of an almost frosty air, her fine countenance was suffused with as
+brilliant a hue as ever graced the human countenance. As far as life
+excels the art of the sculptor, so far did the countenance of Penelope
+on this morning's journey excel in brightness and beauty its ordinary
+expression. "We are not stocks and stones." So thought Lord Spoonbill
+when he gazed on the lovely one who sat beside him. He almost felt the
+majesty of loveliness, and was almost awed into reverence.
+
+And did not the thought then occur to his lordship, that the scheme
+which he was meditating must of necessity destroy that peace, that
+happiness, that purity, which now formed so lovely and interesting a
+picture? Did not some recollection of beauty prematurely fading, of
+the burning blushes of self-reproach, of the convulsive throbbings
+of breaking hearts, of memory burdened and writhing under the agony
+of thoughts it cannot bear and cannot forget, come into the mind of
+the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill? Did he not recollect poor Ellen,
+lovely in her simplicity, happy in her innocence, the light of her home
+and the joy of her widowed mother's heart? And did he not think of that
+same Ellen dropping the tears of agonizing penitence on that mother's
+dying pillow, and wandering now, for aught he knew to the contrary, a
+houseless, shivering, desolate outcast?
+
+No such thoughts entered his mind. Selfishness and sensuality
+predominated over, or excluded all other feelings. He used all
+the art of which he was master to render himself agreeable to his
+companion during their short journey. He also exerted all his power of
+observation to see whether any symptoms betrayed an interest in him
+on the part of Penelope. But in the brightness of her looks, and the
+joyousness of her features, no other emotions were visible and no other
+thoughts could be read. His lordship was convinced that he could not
+possibly live without her, and he resolved that at all events he would
+make known his admiration by words as well as by looks. Like all the
+rest of the world, preferring his own judgment to the advice of any
+other, he determined that the offer of marriage should be reserved till
+he should ascertain that no other was likely to succeed.
+
+The journey was soon over. They arrived at the Earl of Smatterton's
+town mansion full two hours before it was likely that Mr Primrose
+should be in town. Ten thousand thanks were given by the grateful
+Penelope for the kindness of his lordship, and unnumbered
+acknowledgments of the goodness and condescension of the Earl and
+Countess of Smatterton. Such were the joyous feelings of the young
+lady, that these thanks and acknowledgments were expressed with unusual
+earnestness and warmth of manner; and such was the modesty of Lord
+Spoonbill, that for himself and for his right honorable parents he
+disclaimed all right and title to such a profusion of thanks.
+
+"I beg, Miss Primrose," said his modest lordship, "that you will not
+so overwhelm us with your thanks. We are but too happy in having had it
+in our power to afford you any little accommodation."
+
+"Oh my lord, you are very kind, very kind. But I am almost afraid that
+I have said or done something to offend her ladyship, the Countess;
+for, when I took my leave last night, her ladyship spoke to me as in
+anger. I fear I did wrong in so readily accepting the offer to come to
+town to meet my father."
+
+To the ear of Lord Spoonbill there was something exceedingly graceful
+and musical in the tone with which this language was uttered. There
+is indeed an indescribable beauty in the accents of a grateful mind
+fearful of having offended its benefactor. His lordship was aware of
+his mother's feelings on the subject of the probable loss of Penelope,
+and his lordship was himself also fearful of losing her. But he did
+not use the language of harshness under that apprehension, he sought
+rather to retain her by kindness of expression. Assuming therefore an
+unusual tenderness and considerateness of manner, he took the young
+lady's hand, as if unconsciously, but in truth designedly, and holding
+the hand with sufficient firmness to prevent it being withdrawn, but
+not so as to excite suspicion or thought of intentional seriousness, he
+said:
+
+"I am very sorry that anything which the Countess may have said, has
+given you uneasiness; but my mother has a peculiar earnestness and
+hastiness of manner, that you have mistaken for anger. No one can ever
+be offended with Miss Primrose."
+
+There was a little pause, during which Lord Spoonbill endeavoured to
+catch a glance of the expression of Penelope's countenance, without
+appearing to make any particular observation; and, in this short
+pause, Penelope almost sighed. Lovers delight to hear sighs, and Lord
+Spoonbill was especially pleased at this symptom of emotion in Miss
+Primrose. Retaining her hand therefore, and softening his tone down to
+deeper tenderness, he continued:
+
+"The Countess no doubt will be sorry to lose you, if the return of your
+father necessarily involves that condition. But let us hope that may
+not be the case."
+
+Having thus spoken, his lordship pressed the young lady's hand more
+emphatically, and sighed. Now, by rights, Penelope should at this have
+started up, and suddenly withdrawing her hand, knitting her brows,
+advancing three steps backward and darting a look of indignation at
+his lordship, should have exclaimed, "Unhand me, my lord; what is the
+meaning of this language?" But Penelope neither did nor said anything
+of the kind. For the word 'unhand' was not in her dictionary, and she
+had been too long acquainted with Lord Spoonbill to expect that he
+should be able to explain the meaning of all he said. There was also
+another reason why the young lady did not thus express indignation
+and astonishment; namely, that having no suspicion of the views or
+intentions of his lordship, she did not observe or rightly interpret
+his language and his sigh. In addition to this, it may be also supposed
+that the expectation of her father's arrival had some influence in
+rendering her unobservant of everything else.
+
+Emboldened by the unresisting manner in which Penelope listened to his
+conversation, his lordship proceeded to speak less equivocally, and
+grasping with both his hands the still unremoved hand of Penelope, and
+assuming a look and tone of tenderness, he said:
+
+"Pardon me, Miss Primrose, if I seize this first and perhaps last
+opportunity of avowing how dearly I do love you."
+
+His lordship was about to say much more on the same interesting topic,
+but Miss Primrose interrupted him. The manner in which the interruption
+was given was rather singular, and did not seem at all favorable to his
+lordship's hopes. For, instead of looking serious and frowning and
+attitudinizing, the young lady merely withdrew her hand, and said with
+a smile:
+
+"My lord, I hope you are only jesting; but my feelings are too much
+interested with the thought of presently meeting my father, to allow me
+now even to enter into the humour of a jest."
+
+Thereupon his lordship rose from his seat, laid his hand upon his
+heart, and directed to Miss Primrose a look, which would, on the stage,
+have called down deafening plaudits from the back of the one shilling
+gallery to the front row of the pit, and with indescribable earnestness
+exclaimed, "By heavens, Miss Primrose, I am serious!"
+
+To that declaration the young lady replied seriously, "Then, my lord, I
+am very sorry to hear it."
+
+Thus speaking, Penelope went towards the window, leaving his lordship
+to think what he should say next. The enamoured hereditary legislator
+then, undaunted by the smiles or frowns of Miss Primrose, followed the
+young lady to the window, and in less impassioned but mildly persuasive
+tones continued his address, saying:
+
+"Miss Primrose, may I request of you the favor to hear me?"
+
+"Certainly, my lord," replied Penelope, "if you will hear me
+first."
+
+"Most willingly," replied his lordship.
+
+"Then, my lord," continued Penelope, "I must be permitted to say that
+I feel very much hurt and surprised at what you have already said.
+You have recalled to my mind thoughts that I would willingly have
+forgotten; this allusion will suffice to let your lordship understand
+the state of my feelings. I hope you will forbear the unpleasant
+discussion. Indeed"--here her voice was feebler, and her lip quivered,
+and the full tear was in her eyes, and her whole frame trembled, but
+she did not look the less lovely for this emotion; summoning an effort,
+she continued, "For mercy's sake, my lord, let me meet my father as
+composedly as I possibly can. In less than an hour he will be here.
+Pray do not rob our meeting of its happiness."
+
+In saying this she threw herself into the nearest chair, and covering
+her face with her handkerchief she sobbed and wept, and in spite of
+herself thought of Robert Darnley. The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill
+also sat down, and thought of Nick Muggins and the indescribable pony.
+But his lordship neither wept nor blushed. We record this fact rather
+for its truth than its beauty. It seems indeed an encouragement to such
+sparks as, in their transgressions, sometimes feel remorse; for it is
+as much as to say that, by practice, they will become so familiarized
+with meanness and cruelty as to cease to feel ashamed of them.
+
+His lordship for a few minutes was silent. But as soon as Penelope
+was a little more composed, he said; "I am very much concerned,
+Miss Primrose, for the uneasiness which I have occasioned you, and
+so far from wishing to interrupt the happiness of your meeting with
+your father I will retire, that you may compose yourself. Only let me
+request that I may have the honor of being introduced to Mr Primrose
+after your first meeting is over."
+
+This was all very rational and proper, and the kind, considerate manner
+in which it was spoken pleased Penelope very much, and she made her
+acknowledgments for the kindness with so much grace as to fascinate his
+lordship more than ever. He thought he had never seen so lovely and
+interesting a creature in his life. He apologized for having introduced
+such a subject so inopportunely, and attributed it solely to the fear
+that the arrival of her father might preclude him from speaking on the
+subject at a future time.
+
+When the poor girl was left alone, it was no easy matter for her to
+arrange her scattered thoughts and to bring herself back to that state
+of holiday extasy with which she had begun the day. Nor was much
+time afforded her for the purpose; for, not many minutes after the
+departure of Lord Spoonbill, the arrival of Mr Primrose was announced.
+There seemed to Penelope to be scarcely any interval between hearing a
+carriage stop at the door, and finding herself embraced in the arms of
+her long lost father.
+
+Over a scene like this all modest dramatists would drop the curtain,
+knowing that imagination would be rather impeded than assisted by
+farther exhibition.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+To continue that reference to the drama with which the preceding
+chapter was concluded, it may be remarked that, when the curtain has
+fallen thus abruptly on one scene, the spectators do not anticipate
+that, on its being drawn up again, the eye should be greeted with any
+continuation of that scene; but rather do they look for some great and
+decided transition. Our readers therefore will not now be surprised if
+we take them back again to Neverden and Smatterton. They are pleasant
+villages, and their inhabitants are for the most part unartificial
+people.
+
+It is a fact worthy of notice, and we have no doubt that our observant
+readers have already remarked it, that all the personages in those
+two villages of whom we have yet spoken, have had that delectable and
+pleasing feeling of their own importance, by which they have considered
+that the world has been under infinite obligations to them. To have
+that feeling strongly and genuinely, is a real happiness; and if there
+has ever been any human being whom we have envied, it has been P. P.,
+clerk of this parish, especially while he was writing his own memoirs.
+To endeavour to rob any one of this sense, is cruel, heart-rendingly
+cruel and barbarous; but fortunately for human happiness, this robbery
+cannot easily be effected.
+
+But though the good people of these villages had this feeling in a very
+high and pure degree, yet it is not altogether confined to them; and
+if the Reverend Mr Darnley, in his vigintennial visits to London, has
+been rather angry and offended at the rude behaviour of the people in
+the streets who have jostled and driven against him, without having
+the grace to move their hats to him, that self-same Mr Darnley has
+in his turn inflicted upon a distinguished inhabitant of the great
+metropolis as serious a mortification as his reverence experienced from
+metropolitan neglect.
+
+We have introduced to our readers the Rev. Charles Pringle; we have
+now to introduce that gentleman's first-cousin, Zephaniah Pringle,
+Esq. This illustrious personage was not a native, but had long been an
+inhabitant, of the great metropolis, and, according to his own view of
+the matter, a great ornament to it. He was a literary man. He had been
+destined by his parents for agricultural pursuits, but his genius was
+above them. The circumstances, the trifling circumstances, which tend
+to develope the powers of the mind and to direct the energies into
+their proper channel, are always worthy of notice. Everybody knows the
+story of Sir Isaac Newton and the apple. But everybody does not know,
+but soon will know, the circumstances which made Zephaniah Pringle a
+critic.
+
+When Zephaniah was about twelve years old he was taken to Smatterton by
+his father, who had to make a call of business on Mr Kipperson. While
+Mr Pringle and Mr Kipperson were engaged in looking at some cattle
+which the latter had to dispose of, young Pringle was gaping about
+in the library, and admiring with great veneration all its literary
+wonders; but that which most powerfully arrested his attention was
+a plaister bust of Dr Johnson. And when the agricultural gentlemen
+returned to the library, Zephaniah, pointing to the bust, said,
+"Father, was that there thick-headed man a heathen philosopher?"
+
+Mr Kipperson, who was pleased with the young gentleman's manifestation
+of a taste for literature and philosophy, kindly corrected the
+misapprehension of the youth, and said, "No, my lad, the heathen
+philosophers did not wear wigs. That is a bust of Dr Johnson, the
+celebrated critic and lexicographer."
+
+Zephaniah, with open mouth and expanded eyes, stared his thanks to Mr
+Kipperson, who immediately asked the young gentleman if he was fond of
+reading. To which he replied in the affirmative. Whereupon Mr Kipperson
+kindly lent the youth Boswell's Life of Dr Johnson.
+
+From that moment young Pringle felt an irresistible impulse to become
+a man of letters; and with a view to gratify that ambition, his father
+was kind enough to let him have another quarter's Latin, in order to
+give him an opportunity to perfect himself in classical literature.
+
+Thus qualified, the young man in due time went up to London. In the
+great metropolis he soon divested himself of the rusticity of his
+manners, and after some few failures in the first instance, for want
+of knowing the proper knack of writing, he soon acquired a tolerable
+facility, and absolutely once wrote something that was talked
+about. From that moment he never saw two people talking together in
+a bookseller's shop, without fancying that they were talking about
+Zephaniah Pringle.
+
+He took great pains to imitate Dr Johnson; but his literary companions
+detected him and laughed at him. He had but a slender frame and a
+slender voice; and when he attempted the oracular and the pompous
+style, it was like playing the Hallelujah Chorus on a fife. He could
+not adopt the doctor's Jacobitism, but he took instead of that a double
+extra super-Eldon high Toryism. And in religion, not that he ever went
+to church, he was decidedly of opinion that all dissenters and Roman
+Catholics were convinced that the church of England was the only true
+church, but that they would not conform merely out of spite. It was
+his opinion that the Duke of Wellington would never have driven the
+French out of Spain, had he not always made a point of hearing all his
+soldiers every day say the church catechism.
+
+He had a praiseworthy and prodigious horror of gymnastics; they came
+from Greece, and the ancient Greeks were republicans. In his notion of
+mechanics' institutes he was exceedingly ungrateful to Mr Kipperson,
+who patronized him and them too; and when Mr Kipperson once proposed
+to establish a mechanics' institute at Smatterton for the benefit of
+the agricultural operatives, this Zephaniah Pringle had the impudence
+to write him a long letter on the subject, accusing him of a design to
+subvert the established church, and convert England into a republic. Mr
+Kipperson gave up the scheme, not because of this letter, but because,
+when he assembled the people of the village in one of his barns to read
+them a lecture on hydrostatics, every soul of them fell fast asleep.
+
+There was another subject on which Mr Zephaniah Pringle had very strong
+opinions,--viz. West India slavery. He very properly laughed at the
+absurdity of supposing that negroes have the slightest objection
+to be flogged to death; and he knew that the only object which the
+abolitionists had in view, was to overturn the established church.
+
+Mr Zephaniah Pringle had a most exquisite conceit of his own
+superlative wisdom and penetration. This gentleman must have
+experienced therefore a sensation of great delight in taking his
+important self down to Smatterton to visit Mr Kipperson and surprise
+the natives. But how great must have been his astonishment, when
+introduced by Mr Kipperson at the rectory of Neverden, to find that Mr
+Darnley the elder had never heard of the name and fame of Zephaniah
+Pringle. He consoled himself, however, with the reflection, that many
+other names great as his own were equally unknown to this obscure
+village parson.
+
+Finding that the young ladies of Mr Darnley's family were addicted to
+reading, the critic kindly administered his gratuitous and unasked
+commentaries on divers modern and ancient authors. He astonished the
+daughters of the rector of Neverden by opinions hitherto unheard
+and unthought of. The confidence of his manner passed for wisdom and
+decided apprehension of the subjects on which he spoke; and as he took
+care to let it be thoroughly understood that all who differed from him
+were fools, and as literary young ladies do not like to be considered
+fools, they of course assented to Zephaniah Pringle's opinions on
+literary topics.
+
+In his conversation with Mr Darnley the younger he found that,
+by talking literature, he did not seem to magnify himself to his
+heart's content; for Robert Darnley did not believe that critics
+were conjurors. The genius then had recourse to talk concerning
+those persons of high style and dignity with whom he had the honor
+to be acquainted. Among other great names, he mentioned that of Lord
+Smatterton, and the scarcely less illustrious name of Lord Spoonbill.
+
+"You are acquainted then with Lord Spoonbill?" said Robert Darnley.
+
+"Oh yes, perfectly well," replied the critic.
+
+"And pray what kind of man is this Lord Spoonbill? for, though the
+family resides in the next village, I am totally unacquainted with
+them."
+
+"Lord Spoonbill himself is the best creature in the world. The Earl
+of Smatterton is a proud, haughty man, like the rest of the Whig
+aristocracy."
+
+"Then Lord Spoonbill is not so very proud?"
+
+"I cannot say that Lord Spoonbill is altogether without pride. He has
+very high notions; but his manner is not pompous like his father's. And
+he can be very agreeable, though he is by no means a man of any great
+share of intellect."
+
+"I have heard him spoken of," replied Robert Darnley, "as being a
+very profligate man."
+
+"I believe," said the critic, "he is rather gay, but not more so than
+most young men of his rank. The finest joke in the world is, that
+his father, the Earl of Smatterton, thinks that he is one of the
+gravest and steadiest young men of the age, and quotes him as such
+accordingly. But the fact is, that his lordship has lately taken under
+his protection a lady, now received at Lord Smatterton's table."
+
+Robert Darnley could not believe his own senses. The language which
+he now heard from Zephaniah Pringle seemed to allude plainly enough
+to Penelope, but it could not be possible, he thought, that a young
+lady of such high and pure spirit as Miss Primrose could ever submit
+to an arrangement so truly humiliating. Suppressing and concealing his
+agitation as well as he could, he endeavoured to ascertain from the man
+of letters what was really the fact concerning Lord Spoonbill and this,
+as yet unnamed, young lady.
+
+"Surely, Mr Pringle, you do not mean to say that Lord Spoonbill has
+a lady in keeping, whom he introduces to his father's table? This is
+really beyond all credence."
+
+"But indeed, sir, I do mean it," replied Zephaniah the critic: "and,
+if you have never heard the story, I can tell you all the particulars."
+
+"It is no business of mine," said Darnley, "but I do feel curious
+to know the particulars of so very singular a case, as a young man
+bringing a kept lady to his father's own table."
+
+"It is not altogether so," replied Mr Pringle; "but I will tell you
+exactly how the case stands; I know Spoonbill very intimately."
+
+This last expression was uttered as everybody would naturally suppose
+such an expression would be uttered by such a man. After thoroughly
+enjoying the high and refined satisfaction of having said, "I know
+Spoonbill very intimately," the loyal and religious critic proceeded:
+
+"You must remember old Greendale, the rector of Smatterton, who was my
+cousin's predecessor in the living. He died a very short time before
+you returned from India. This old man had a very pretty niece, you
+know; you must remember her, for I understand that she lived with old
+Dr Greendale from her infancy."
+
+"Oh, certainly," said Darnley, with much effort concealing the
+agitation which he felt; "I remember her very well, her name is
+Primrose; but you surely do not mean to say that Miss Primrose is
+living under the protection of Lord Spoonbill?"
+
+Hereupon Mr Pringle did somewhat hesitate and say, "Why, why--I cannot
+exactly say that--that she is absolutely living under his protection.
+She is rather living under the protection of Lady Smatterton as yet.
+You perhaps may not know that Miss Primrose has a remarkably fine
+voice, and is in fact a first-rate vocalist: now Lady Smatterton is a
+great patroness of musical talent, and has taken a fancy to bring Miss
+Primrose out this season as a public singer, and Lord Spoonbill has
+made proposals, which I believe have been accepted by the lady; and she
+is to be under his lordship's protection as soon as she leaves Lord
+Smatterton's house, and that will be very soon. That is the true state
+of the case. I wonder you have never heard of it before; for though
+you have been from India a very short time, yet in country places
+intelligence flies very rapidly."
+
+"Well, you astonish me," said Mr Darnley the younger; "I could not
+have thought that a young lady, brought up by such an exemplary and
+virtuous man as the late Dr Greendale, should ever condescend to live
+upon those terms with the first nobleman in the kingdom."
+
+"Oh, sir," replied the knowing critic, "you do not understand the
+heart, especially the female heart. There is something in title and
+splendour so fascinating to the weaker sex, that few can resist its
+influence. I have observed and studied the human mind in all its
+various attitudes, and I have lived in the world long enough to cease
+to be astonished at anything I hear or see. In such an outlandish place
+as India you see nothing and learn nothing. London is the only place
+where the human character can be thoroughly and properly studied."
+
+Much more to the same purpose did the fluent cousin of the new rector
+of Smatterton say to the son of the rector of Neverden. But Robert
+Darnley heard him and heeded him not. Deeply did the intelligence
+concerning Penelope sink into his mind, and painfully did he revolve
+the idle gossip of the loyal and religious critic, who had properly
+and thoroughly studied human nature, in his lodgings in Fetter lane,
+Holborn.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+The day which followed immediately after the above-mentioned
+conversation, was destined for a grand dinner party at the mansion
+of Sir George Aimwell, Bart. Preparations were made for a splendid
+entertainment. It was not an easy matter to get together a large
+party in that neighbourhood without admitting to the table some
+individuals of dubious dignity. There was, for instance, the equivocal
+Mr Kipperson, at once landlord and tenant, gentleman and farmer; but
+then he was so zealous a friend to the interest of agriculture. He was
+so thoroughly enlightened on the corn question, that the great men of
+Smatterton and Neverden could not but respect him. Sir George Aimwell
+also liked Mr Kipperson, because he was a bad shot, and had so ardent a
+zeal against poachers.
+
+This party was assembled, among other objects, for the purpose of
+welcoming to England the son of the rector of Neverden. But Robert
+Darnley was by no means in spirits for the enjoyment of festivity. He
+was sorry for what he had heard from Zephaniah Pringle, and he was
+angry that he was sorry, and then again sorry that he was angry.
+
+It had been unfortunate for him that there had been such silence
+observed on the subject of his correspondence and acquaintance with
+Penelope. Scarcely any one but the parties concerned knew anything
+of the matter. Mr Kipperson suspected it, and the Smatterton family
+had been informed of it by Mr Darnley, because the reverend gentleman
+thought it but respectful to let them into the secret. As for Sir
+George Aimwell, he scarcely knew or thought of anything, except
+administering justice and killing birds. The Reverend Charles Pringle,
+rector of Smatterton, was also quite unaware of the existence of any
+correspondence between Robert Darnley and Penelope Primrose. No wonder
+then that, under the present awkward circumstances, and with the false
+account which Zephaniah, the critic, had brought from London, there
+should be in the hearing of Robert Darnley much conversation by no
+means agreeable to his feelings, or soothing to his mind.
+
+When the party began to assemble they began also to talk: but at the
+first their talk was very desultory and common-place. The worthy
+baronet was congratulated by Mr Kipperson on having caught a poacher,
+and was condoled with by the same gentleman on having lost almost his
+whole brood of pheasants. It is astonishing that any one can be so
+simple as not to see that pheasants were obviously created to be shot
+by gentlemen and noblemen only, or their gamekeepers. There was also
+much talk about horses and dogs, and the poor-rates, and Mr Malthus,
+and parish settlements, and the agricultural interest.
+
+It is very erroneously stated by many persons, both in writing
+and in speaking, that the period between the first arrival of the
+company and the serving up of the dinner is most weary, stale, flat
+and unprofitable. But as there is no spot of earth so barren as not
+to produce some curiosity to reward the toil and gratify the taste
+of the botanist, so there is no attitude or condition of our being
+which may not yield some fruit of instruction and amusement to the
+moral botanist. We deserve the thanks of our readers for much that
+we communicate in the way of information and amusement, but perhaps
+for nothing so much as for directing their attention to the great and
+valuable truth, that even the usually-considered dreary half hour
+before dinner is not absolutely barren and worthless. Peradventure
+also, by directing the attention to this matter, we may prevent many a
+dinner from being spoiled, because we thus present a strong inducement
+to an early arrival. He that arrives first is pretty certain that the
+rest of the company can have no opportunity of pulling his character
+to pieces behind his back. For when the host expresses to the rest of
+his party his wonder that Mr Smith is not come, then the good people
+who are hungry and impatient begin to talk about Mr Smith, and they use
+him ungently, treating his transgressions with no candour, and honoring
+his virtues with no encomium. There is also something very curious in
+observing the different effects which dining produces on different
+persons. Some will enter the drawing-room brimfull of intelligence,
+telling everybody everything that everybody knows, and nobody cares
+about. There are people who entertain the strange notion that tongues
+were made to talk about mere matters of fact; and when they have said
+their say, they are silent for the rest of the evening. There are again
+others who, before dinner, look as wise and as stupid as owls; who seem
+at a most painful loss what to do with their hands, or their feet,
+or their eyes; who having no motive to look at one object in the room
+more than at another, let their eyes roll unmeaningly and incessantly
+about as if they were endeavouring to keep them open without looking
+at anything. But when these apparently inanimate imitations of Chinese
+Mandarins have had their dinner, their looks are brightened and
+their tongues loosened, and as before dinner they seemed as if they
+were wishing most ardently for an opportunity to simper at something
+which might be said by another, they after dinner give forth that
+which interests and delights. The period before dinner is also one
+of great importance for the exhibition of personal decoration. Then,
+and then only, has dress its right display, and its full complement
+of observers. In this brief digression it is impossible to enter into
+one half, or one twentieth of the particulars which may interest and
+delight an observant mind. "Sermons in stones and good in everything,"
+is one of the most true and most valuable expressions which the pen of
+Shakspeare ever wrote. But to proceed.
+
+There was, as we have said above, much miscellaneous talk before dinner
+at this "grand miscellaneous" entertainment, given by Sir George
+Aimwell. Mr Kipperson strutted about the room with his hands in his
+pockets, looking as wise as a conjuror and as pleased as Punch, saying
+something scientific or agricultural to every one there. The Reverend
+Charles Pringle made his appearance also time enough to show the
+company how possible it was to violate the decorum of clerical attire
+without actually transgressing the literal regulations. Lady Aimwell
+received much of that gentleman's polite attention; and the daughters
+of Mr Darnley were also not unnoticed. The new rector of Smatterton
+was very clever at conundrums, some new ones of his own making were
+graciously communicated to the young ladies. Zephaniah Pringle, the
+critic, was pleased to look very important, and to feel his dignity and
+intellectuality mightily hurt, because the talk, such as it was, had
+no interest for him. He was much at a loss to think how it was possible
+for human beings to take an interest in such unintellectual things as
+corn, cattle, game and poor-laws; and he thought the people were great
+blockheads because they talked about what concerned themselves. Robert
+Darnley received the congratulations of his friends; but he received
+them coldly, for his mind was not at ease.
+
+Now after much talk, miscellaneous and desultory, several of the party,
+while yet they were waiting for dinner, congregated together at one of
+the windows, and their talk was almost in whispers. Zephaniah Pringle
+was one of that select committee, and he was speaking very gravely and
+very knowingly, and Sir George Aimwell was looking as much as to say,
+"I am very sorry for it." Mr Darnley the elder was also one of the
+whispering group, and looked as serious and solemn as any one of them;
+and every now and then he turned his eyes suspiciously and inquiringly
+towards his son. The young gentleman more than suspected what was the
+subject of their discourse; and as the rector of Neverden was the only
+one of the party who had any suspicion of the interest which Robert
+Darnley took in the person concerning whom the discussion was made,
+they did not very carefully subdue and suppress their voices, but they
+spoke loudly enough to be heard in their whispering, and the name of
+Primrose was heard by Robert Darnley, and in spite of his high spirit
+he felt sick at heart. And though he felt little appetite for dinner,
+he was glad of the announcement, which relieved him from hearing, or
+rather fancying that he heard, talk that told of the shame of Penelope.
+
+Oh, that our pen could write strongly as our heart feels against those
+villanous, viper-souled, low-minded, merciless reptiles, who, from
+motives too grovelling and dirty to be analyzed, impertinently by their
+ill-digested calumnies, mutilate and mangle the fairest reputation,
+and sully the purest characters. Never can such vermin be sufficiently
+punished or adequately vituperated, for they are absolutely incapable
+of feeling such racking mental agonies as they inflict on others.
+What could such a heartless puppy as Zephaniah Pringle feel of mental
+and heart-rending agony, compared with that which Robert Darnley
+experienced, when he had reason to think that the high-minded,
+clear-souled Penelope, whom he had loved for her purity, her moral as
+well as personal beauty, had so far forgotten all good feelings and
+all high thoughts as to sink down into a character for which refined
+language has no name?
+
+The baronet's table was splendidly covered, and the guests were as
+well pleased in demolishing as the cook had been in constructing and
+compiling the various specimens of culinary art. Sir George Aimwell
+paid, as was proper, especial attention to Robert Darnley, and
+endeavoured to draw the young man into conversation, or, more properly
+speaking, to provoke him into narrative. To such questions as were
+asked he gave an ample and intelligent answer, but he proceeded no
+further; he did not seem desirous to obtrude himself upon the attention
+of the company.
+
+Table-talk was by no means the forte of the worthy baronet; but when
+he had a party he generally exerted himself: and as he was very well
+aware that, in his own proper person, and from his own peculiar stores,
+he was by no means a man of talk, he very considerately endeavoured to
+set in motion other tongues than his own. On the present occasion he
+thought, that as Mr Robert Darnley had been long abroad, he would most
+likely be best able to entertain the guests. But when the hospitable
+host observed how very slowly and reluctantly the young man brought
+out the stores of his information, he next directed his attention to
+Zephaniah Pringle, who was not so reserved. He spoke fluently, and
+readily, and oracularly. Sir George, though not a man of letters, was
+ready enough to indulge his guests, or to suffer them, if they would,
+to indulge themselves, with literary conversation; and it was a great
+happiness to Zephaniah Pringle to let the inhabitants of Smatterton
+and Neverden know how great a man was in their company. Yet there was
+a little abatement from the purity and intensity of that enjoyment,
+in the observing how inapt they seemed to be in comprehending which
+were the first publications of the day, and which were productions of
+inferior note. Some of the party asked strange things about reviews and
+magazines, and Zephaniah was astonished that there should be in any
+part of Great Britain such complete, total darkness, and intellectual
+neglect, as that his own peculiar periodical should be altogether
+unknown even by name. He attributed their ignorance to mere spite, or
+thought that Lord Smatterton, being a Whig, had made it a point to
+conceal from his country neighbours the existence of that periodical,
+which, by the means of pastry-cooks and tobacconists, had an immense
+circulation in the metropolis. The daughters of Mr Darnley listened
+with much reverence to the oracles of Zephaniah the critic, and they
+thought him prodigiously wise, because he thought differently from
+everybody else. They asked his opinion of every book which they
+remembered having read: and they endeavoured to persuade themselves to
+entertain the same opinions as he did.
+
+If our readers imagine that, from what we have said concerning
+the daughters of the rector of Neverden, these young ladies were
+superficial simpletons, we are desirous of removing such impression.
+They were not conceitedly confident in their own judgment; and, as they
+were not much in the way of seeing or hearing literary pretenders and
+intellectual quacks, they gave Zephaniah Pringle credit for all that he
+assumed. They did not think very highly of themselves, and therefore
+they readily yielded assent to the oracles of one who appeared so
+competent and able to give an opinion. Many others, besides the
+daughters of Mr Darnley, have been at a first, or even second interview
+with Zephaniah, very greatly deceived as to the height, the depth, and
+the breadth, of the critic's understanding.
+
+This part of our narrative, though not directly tending to the
+developement of the history, we could not consent to pass by unnoticed;
+for though it may not be very entertaining, it is instructive, and
+it affords us an opportunity of giving a valuable hint to our young
+readers. The hint to which we allude, is to caution them against too
+much modesty. Only suppose, for instance, that such an empty-headed
+coxcomb as Zephaniah Pringle had entertained a fair opinion of his own
+understanding, or that he had underrated his own intellectual powers
+and stores, who would ever have found out that he was superior to what
+he assumed? Who would have taken the trouble to urge him to assume a
+higher rank? Not one. But now that he set himself up for a great one,
+who was to detect the hollowness of his pretensions? Not above one in
+a hundred. And who would take the trouble to expose him? Not one in a
+thousand. And who would take notice of the exposure? Not one in ten
+thousand.
+
+In our next edition we will cancel this last paragraph, if we find
+that modesty has ever made its owner rich or celebrated. Modesty is
+certainly very much to be praised, and if we were candidate for any
+situation of honor or emolument, or even for a good seat in a theatre,
+we should very much approve of the modesty of such as, having power to
+rival us, would meekly and quietly stand out of our way.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+During the night which followed the grand dinner given by Sir George
+Aimwell, Robert Darnley scarcely slept a single hour. He retired to
+his apartment full of bitter and distracting thoughts, almost tempted
+to believe that there was truth in the foul libels that thoughtless
+blockheads have uttered and written concerning the gentler sex. He said
+to himself, "Frailty! thy name is woman." He was so grieved, so pierced
+to the heart's core, that he forgot for a while all that he had heard,
+read, or witnessed of woman's devout affection, unwearied kindness,
+heroic attachment, and moral sublimity. And he thought not of the
+patience with which woman bears the peevishness of our infancy, the
+selfishness of our riper years, and the capricious fretfulness of our
+declining age. He was for a while angry and contemptuous, professing
+to himself an indifference which he did not feel, and fancying
+himself superior to that weakness under which he was writhing and
+labouring in bitter agony. Then there was a change in the complexion
+of his thoughts, and as the angry passions yielded to the approaching
+drowsiness which health must periodically experience, more tender and
+more gentle thoughts subdued him. The eyelids were scarcely closed,
+when imagination threw her rainbow light on past days, and there stood
+before him, not quite in a dream, the image of Penelope--lovely,
+bright, and living. The momentary vision melted him, and the effort
+to retain it banished it. Slowly his slumbers crept again upon him,
+and the vision was more distinct, and he could hear again that sweet
+voice with which he had been enraptured, and there was in his heart a
+repetition of that swell of feeling with which he had years ago taken
+his leave of her. So passed the night.
+
+When morning came again, it found the young man unrefreshed and
+unrested. But in the family of the rector of Neverden there was
+great regularity and punctuality. Robert Darnley therefore made his
+appearance at breakfast at the usual hour. It was impossible not to
+see that his mind was painfully disturbed, and it was also equally
+impossible not to conjecture the cause of its agitation.
+
+A very unpleasant restraint sat upon the whole party. Mr Darnley the
+elder would not speak on the subject of his son's altered appearance,
+and Mrs Darnley and her daughters were reluctant to introduce any
+mention of the matter, unsanctioned by Mr Darnley. The hour of
+breakfast was usually to that family a season of social and cheerful
+talk, but on the present occasion there was silence and restraint; and
+as they abstained from addressing themselves to Robert, they also
+abstained from talking to one another. When breakfast was over Mr
+Darnley desired his son's presence in the study.
+
+Robert Darnley knew he was destined to undergo a lecture, and he braced
+himself up to bear it with filial resignation. The young man's father
+prided himself on the fluency with which he could talk in the way of
+admonition, and we believe that he derived almost as much pleasure from
+these exhibitions as his auditors did profit. Sir George Aimwell used
+to say, that instead of sending poachers to gaol, it would be a better
+plan to send them to Mr Darnley to be talked to; for the worthy baronet
+thought that they would not readily expose themselves to the risk of
+a second infliction. Those of our readers who have never been talked
+to will not be able to sympathize with Robert Darnley; those who have,
+will pity him from the bottom of their hearts.
+
+The young man promptly obeyed his father's commands and delayed not to
+attend him in the study; for he naturally supposed that the sooner the
+lecture began the sooner it would be over. The father seated himself
+and desired his son to shut the door and seat himself too. These
+preliminary steps having been taken, and Mr Darnley having stirred and
+arranged the fire so amply as to preclude the necessity of any more
+attention to it for some time, thus began:
+
+"Robert, my dear boy, I wish to have some little talk with you. I have
+not had much opportunity of speaking to you since you came home. Now,
+you know, I can have no other object in view than your welfare. I do
+not desire you to follow the advice I may give you, unless you are
+convinced of its propriety. You know of course what I am now alluding
+to--your unhappy attachment to that unfortunate young woman, Miss
+Primrose. For my part, I cannot say that I altogether approved of it
+in the first instance; but I said nothing. I knew the impetuosity of
+your character and the obstinacy of your disposition, and therefore
+I concluded that opposition might do more harm than good. I hoped
+that, in time, your own good sense would let you see that it was not
+a suitable connexion for you. I do not say indeed that I have ever
+observed anything absolutely improper in the conduct of Miss Primrose;
+but I must be permitted to say, that there was too much pride in her
+manner, considering her station and expectations. Of the young woman's
+father I knew comparatively nothing, except that he had gambled away
+his property and broken his wife's heart. Mr Primrose did call here,
+as you know; but I must confess to you I was not much pleased with his
+manners. I was under the disagreeable necessity of rebuking him for
+taking the name of the Lord in vain. As for the young woman herself,
+of course you must relinquish all thoughts of her after what you have
+heard from Mr Pringle. Now let me advise you to banish her from your
+mind at once. I am sorry to see that your thoughts are still too much
+dwelling upon her. You make your mother and your sisters and me very
+uncomfortable by these gloomy looks. Why can you not be cheerful as you
+used to be? What have you to regret? You ought rather to be grateful
+that you have been rescued from such a marriage, and that it cannot
+be said that the dissolution of the acquaintance arose from your own
+caprice. I think that the young woman did not manifest a very great
+sense of propriety when she so readily adopted the profession of a
+public singer. And what would the world say, should the report ever get
+abroad, that my son was desirous of marrying a public singer? I gave
+the young woman all the good advice I possibly could; but I fear it
+will be of no use to her. There were such very strong manifestations of
+her partiality for that profligate young man, Lord Spoonbill, that I am
+not at all surprised at what I hear from Mr Pringle. Now all that I can
+say is, that if after this you can retain any regard for Miss Primrose,
+you do not shew yourself a man of sense and prudence."
+
+Here Mr Darnley paused, not because he was out of breath, for he spoke
+very slowly and deliberately, but because he thought that he had said
+enough to induce his son to relinquish the thought of Penelope, and to
+make himself mightily happy under his disappointment. But it certainly
+is very provoking, after living three years or more in expectation of
+receiving the hand and heart of a lovely, amiable, and intelligent
+young lady, to find at last that all this bright anticipation is come
+to nought. It had been painful to Robert Darnley that several of his
+later communications had been unanswered; but he would not suffer that
+circumstance alone to weigh with him, considering it possible that the
+fault was in the irregular transmission of letters. When he came back
+to England and heard that Miss Primrose was in London with the Earl of
+Smatterton's family, it appeared obvious enough that she had considered
+the correspondence as having ceased. But still it was not clear to the
+young man's entire satisfaction that this had been a voluntary act on
+the part of Penelope. It was possible that his letters might not have
+reached their destination, and that Miss Primrose might be regarding
+him as the faithless one. Such was his spirit, that he would not rest
+under the imputation of such conduct, and he resolved to take the
+earliest opportunity of coming to an explanation. When, however, in
+addition to all that he had heard from his own family of the partiality
+manifested by Penelope for Lord Spoonbill, he heard also the tale told
+by Zephaniah Pringle, he wavered and hesitated. It was not probable, he
+thought, that such rumours could be totally unfounded, and it comported
+but too well with what Mr Darnley had already said.
+
+The distress of mind which Robert Darnley suffered, and that gloominess
+of look which his father reprobated and lectured him upon, did not
+arise so much from the mere loss of Penelope, as from the harassing
+doubts to which he was exposed by the conflicting of external and
+internal evidence. It is a painful thing to doubt, because it is
+humiliating, and seems to question our discernment. It is also very
+perplexing to the mind when it sees evidence enough to prove that which
+it feels to be impossible, or very unlikely. In this dilemma Robert
+Darnley had been placed by what he had heard of Penelope Primrose. He
+knew, or at least very firmly believed her to be of decided character,
+good principle and high spirit. He felt it impossible that she should
+love a profligate or a blockhead, and he knew Lord Spoonbill to be
+both. But it was very clear that she was with Lord Smatterton's family,
+and that she had certainly contemplated the public exercise of her
+musical talents.
+
+To his fathers discourse therefore he listened with unresisting
+patience, and only replied when it was finished; "I can only say, sir,
+that if what Mr Pringle has said concerning Miss Primrose be true, I
+have been very much deceived in the estimate which I had formed of the
+young lady's mind and character."
+
+"Certainly you were," replied his father; "you are a young man and
+have seen but little of human nature. You are hasty, very hasty, in
+forming your judgment. You will grow wiser as you grow older. Now I was
+not deceived in Miss Primrose. I could see her real character. I always
+thought her very proud and vain and conceited. But she laboured under
+great disadvantages in her education. Her uncle was a worthy man, but
+he was a mere scholar, by no means a man of the world. And as for Mrs
+Greendale, she is a very weak woman."
+
+Robert Darnley knew his father too well to contradict him directly
+in anything which he might be pleased to assert; he therefore only
+ventured in a very circuitous way to insinuate the possibility that
+Mr Zephaniah Pringle might be erroneously informed, and that there
+might be some mistake or misapprehension. But the worthy rector of
+Neverden was not able to bear the slightest approach to contradiction
+or opposition. He had lived so long in absolute authority in his own
+house and parish, that he was perfectly sincere in believing that he
+could never be wrong and ought never to be contradicted. He therefore
+contributed very considerably to shorten the discussion, by saying:
+
+"You are of age, and of course may do as you please; but, if you will
+condescend to take my advice, you will think no more of Miss Primrose.
+At all events, it is my particular request that I may hear no more of
+her."
+
+To this the young gentleman bowed respectfully. Now it does not appear
+to us that Mr Darnley adopted the best plan in the world to set his
+son's heart at rest. Nor did Robert Darnley find any great alleviation
+in what his father had been pleased to say concerning Penelope's actual
+situation and real character. It also occurred to the young gentleman's
+mind, that his father had superfluously and unnecessarily quoted the
+fact of Mr Primrose having used irreverent and thoughtless language.
+It is not indeed, generally speaking, advisable to bring every possible
+accusation against an offending one; for by so doing we make known our
+own pettishness or malignity quite as much as we display the sins of
+the accused. If Miss Primrose had been in other respects a suitable
+wife for Robert Darnley, the fact that her father had spoken hastily
+and unadvisedly, would not have rendered her unsuitable. And if the
+situation of Penelope had been such as it had been represented by Mr
+Pringle, then there was quite enough to set Robert Darnley's mind at
+rest upon the subject, without quoting Mr Primrose's transgressions.
+
+The disappointed lover had no sooner finished the task of hearing his
+father's lecture, than he was destined to undergo a gabblement from
+his mother and sisters. Mrs Darnley was a worthy good creature as
+ever lived; but she would talk, and that not always consequentially.
+She always however meant well, though she might be clumsy in the
+manifestation of her well-meaning.
+
+"Well, Robert,"--thus began Mrs Darnley,--"and so your father has
+been talking to you about poor Penelope Primrose. What a pity it is that
+such a nice young woman should turn out so. I really could hardly
+believe my senses when I first heard of it. Dear me, what a favorite
+she used to be here; your father used to think so highly of her."
+
+"I can't say that I thought so very highly of her," interrupted Miss
+Mary Darnley; "she was a great deal too haughty for my liking. Of
+course we were civil to her for Robert's sake."
+
+Miss Mary was rude in thus interrupting her mother, but it was the
+general practice with the young ladies, and Mrs Darnley was so much
+in the habit of being interrupted, that she always expected it, and
+kept talking on till some one else of the party began. Now this remark
+of Miss Mary might be founded on truth, or it might be merely the
+result of an angry imagination. For there is in the human mind such a
+reluctance to acknowledge an error in judgment, that even when we have
+been really and palpably deceived in a human character, we generally
+find out or persuade ourselves that we "prophesied so," though we never
+told any body.
+
+The eldest Miss Darnley, however, had more candour. It was her opinion
+that, though Miss Primrose had not behaved exactly as she ought to
+do, yet she had too high a sense of propriety and decorum ever to
+transgress as was represented by Mr Pringle.
+
+In this annunciation of opinions it was but right and regular that the
+youngest should speak in her turn; and notwithstanding the apparent
+deference which she had seemed on the previous day to yield to the
+oracular language of Zephaniah Pringle the critic, she said:
+
+"I wonder who told Mr Pringle? I dare say Miss Primrose did not, and I
+should not think it likely that Lord Spoonbill did."
+
+"Oh dear," replied Mary, "I dare say it is the general talk in
+London, and everbody knows it by this time."
+
+"Oh dear," retorted Martha, "I dare say you know a great deal about
+London."
+
+"I know a great deal more about it than you do, Martha; I was there
+with papa nearly two months when we had lodgings in Wigmore street."
+
+Martha was inclined to be pert, and Mary to be pettish, and the two
+sisters would very likely have enjoyed a skirmish of tongues, had they
+not been stopped by the good humour of their brother, who was very
+happy to divert their tongues and thoughts to other topics. Robert
+Darnley therefore made an effort to suppress unpleasant feelings, and
+directed the conversation to affairs of a different description; and he
+amused his mother and sisters with anecdotes and narratives descriptive
+of the country from which he had recently arrived.
+
+In assuming this composure, Robert Darnley was not a little aided
+by the suggestion thrown out by Martha. And he began to think it
+very possible that Mr Zephaniah Pringle might have been misinformed.
+He might have had wit enough to form that conjecture without the
+assistance of his youngest sister; but he was too much agitated to
+think calmly on the subject.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+The preceding chapters, relative to affairs at Neverden, were rendered
+indispensable by the necessity under which we were placed to account
+for the non-appearance of Robert Darnley in London, to clear up the
+mystery and explain the cause of the interrupted correspondence. We
+are now most happy to revert to that part of our narrative which more
+immediately and directly concerns Penelope Primrose and her father. For
+this purpose therefore our history goes back a few days.
+
+After the first passionate agitation of meeting had subsided, and
+Penelope was able to speak collectedly, and Mr Primrose was patient
+enough to listen to two successive sentences, the young lady explained
+to her father the situation in which she had been placed by the
+sudden decease of her uncle, and spoke of the kindness which she had
+experienced from the Earl and Countess of Smatterton, adding, that they
+had been so kind as to propose giving her the opportunity of meeting
+her father in London. She then informed her father that Lord Spoonbill
+was in the house, and would be happy to see him.
+
+Mr Primrose was too happy at the meeting with his daughter to think
+anything of the awkward stories which he had heard of the young
+gentleman's irregularities. He therefore expressed himself pleased with
+an opportunity of making his acknowledgments to any part of the family.
+The young lord therefore soon made his appearance. And such was the
+frank, gentlemanly aspect and bearing of Mr Primrose, that his lordship
+was quite delighted with him, and said with great sincerity much which
+he would otherwise have said with polite formality and hypocrisy.
+
+Penelope exercised a considerable degree of self-command in introducing
+Lord Spoonbill so composedly to her father. And happy was it at this
+moment for Mr Primrose, that such was his cheerfulness and hilarity
+of feeling, that he was only sensible to that which was pleasant and
+agreeable.
+
+"My Lord Spoonbill," said he with one of his politest bows, and with
+the most agreeable intonation of voice that he could command, "I thank
+you most sincerely, and I beg that you will convey my most cordial and
+respectful thanks to the Earl and Countess of Smatterton for their kind
+and generous attention to my dear child."
+
+Even with similar politeness did Lord Spoonbill profess how truly
+happy the Earl and Countess had been in affording any accommodation
+to the neice of their late esteemed friend, the respected rector of
+Smatterton. By making mention of that good man, Lord Spoonbill brought
+tears into the eyes of Mr Primrose, who mournfully shook his head and
+replied:
+
+"Ah, my lord, he was indeed a good man. I lament the loss of him most
+sincerely. So much kind feeling, blended with such strict integrity,
+and so high a degree of moral purity, I never have witnessed in any
+other. I have seen strictness of principle with severity of manners,
+and I have witnessed kindness of heart with moral carelessness; but the
+late Dr Greendale had the most finely attempered mind of any man I ever
+knew. He did, or desired to do, good to everybody, and that must have
+been a hard heart which he could not soften."
+
+It was well for Lord Spoonbill at this moment that he was not of so
+susceptible a temperament as Mr Primrose, or the remark last recorded
+would have distressed him. It was in another point of view ill for
+his lordship that he had not a little more sensibility, for if he had
+he might have been moved to contrition and reflection. His lordship
+very courteously assented to every compliment which Mr Primrose felt
+disposed to pay to the late Dr Greendale. And presently his lordship
+directed the talk to other matters; for though he had not sensibility
+to be moved, yet he had enough of that kind of feeling which rendered
+him awkward under reflections and recollections. The hereditary
+legislator was also especially desirous of knowing what was to be the
+immediate destination of Miss Primrose and her father; but found, after
+a long conversation and many indirect hints, that no arrangement of any
+determinate nature had entered the mind of Mr Primrose, who probably
+thought, that for the night ensuing, he might take up his abode at the
+town residence of Lord Smatterton.
+
+At length, Lord Spoonbill, finding that it became time for him to
+return to dinner, and knowing that it would not be very agreeable
+to the Countess to take back with him father and daughter too, and
+suspecting also very strongly and very naturally that the two were
+not likely to be separated, began to make something like an apology
+to Mr Primrose for having brought him to an empty house, and offered
+such accommodation as the house might afford, expressing his great
+regret that he himself was under the necessity of returning to Lord
+Smatterton's suburban villa.
+
+These explanations and apologies roused Mr Primrose to his
+recollection, and he presently and promptly declined availing himself
+of his lordship's kind offer, and expressed his intention of taking up
+his abode at a hotel, which he named.
+
+Lord Spoonbill was satisfied. He now knew where to find Mr Primrose
+again; and so long as he was not at a loss where to seek Penelope, his
+lordship readily took his leave, with a promise that he would very
+shortly pay his respects again to his good friends.
+
+Mr Primrose and his daughter then went to their hotel, and the
+overjoyed parent endeavoured to compose himself for the sobriety
+of narrative and interrogation. Many questions were asked, and
+multitudinous digressions and recommencements and interruptions
+rendered their discourse rather less instructive than entertaining. The
+father of Penelope walked restlessly about the room, and ever and anon
+would he stop and look with an indescribable earnestness on the face of
+his child, as if to fill his mind's eye with her image, or to endeavour
+to trace her likeness to her departed mother. And from these momentary
+absorptions he would start into recollection, and utter such thrilling
+expressions of delight, that his poor child feared that the joy would
+be too much for him.
+
+Some of the human species have suffered more from joy than from sorrow.
+Ecstacy has lifted the mind to that height and giddiness as to destroy
+its self-command, and to precipitate it into the depths and darkness
+of idiocy. Penelope entertained a fear of this kind for her father.
+For she had not been accustomed to witness or yield to any very
+strong emotions. Her uncle, with whom she had lived, had been a very
+quiet man; and, in his studious retirement, life had passed smoothly
+and placidly as the waveless current of a subterranean stream. Mrs
+Greendale had experienced and manifested occasional ebullitions, but
+they were merely culinary, domestic, common-place, and transitory.
+As for herself, poor girl, deep as her feelings might have been, and
+strongly, as in various instances, she might have been moved, these
+emotions were solitary and soon suppressed.
+
+When therefore she saw her father in this state of agitation, much of
+her own joy was abated in thoughts and fears for him. But in time the
+violence of the emotion abated, and the father and daughter sat down
+together to dinner. This was a relief to them both. When the cloth was
+removed, Mr Primrose then bethought himself of Robert Darnley. Drawing
+closer to the fire, he said to Penelope; "Well, but, my dear child,
+I have not yet said a word about an old acquaintance of yours, whom
+report says you have not used handsomely. But I don't mind what report
+says. Have you quite forgot your old neighbour Robert Darnley?"
+
+Penelope sighed and shook her head, and replied, "Oh, no, my dear
+father; I have not forgotten him."
+
+"Then why did you not answer his letters?"
+
+"I answered his letters, but he did not answer mine."
+
+"What!" exclaimed Mr Primrose; "do you say that he was the person who
+dropped the correspondence? You are wrong, my dear, you are wrong. Ay,
+ay, I see how it is--some letters have not been delivered. It is all
+a misunderstanding; but it will soon be set right. I have seen the
+young man. He is now at Neverden; and he tells me that you have not
+answered his letters. But we shall soon see him in town. He would have
+come with me, but he must needs stay to eat his Christmas dinner at the
+parsonage, just to please the old folks. That of course is right; and
+if children did but know how easily parents are pleased, and how happy
+they are when their children please them, there would not be so many
+undutiful children in the world.--And so, my dear Penelope, it is all a
+mere invention that you are attached to Lord Spoonbill?"
+
+Recollecting what had that morning taken place, and from that also
+calling to mind what before she had not noticed, and what without that
+event she would have forgotten; thinking again how assiduously and
+politely attentive Lord Spoonbill had behaved towards her, she began to
+think that his lordship's attentive behaviour had been seen and noticed
+by others when it had not been obvious to herself. And these thoughts
+confused and perplexed her. Therefore she did not immediately reply to
+her father's interrogation. Her silence was observed by her anxious
+parent, and he hastily said:
+
+"What then, is it true? But it is a great pity. Robert Darnley is a
+fine spirited young man; and I am sure he did not design to drop the
+correspondence. Well, well; you are like your father, you are very
+hasty. But never mind, it cannot be helped now. And what will you say
+to poor Darnley when he sees you again; for I fully expect him up in
+town as soon as Christmas is well over? I dare say he will be here in a
+week, or a little more. I told him that he would find us at this hotel.
+And has Lord Spoonbill really made proposals to you? And have you
+accepted his offer?"
+
+The discovery which this talk of her father opened to the mind of
+Penelope moved her with feelings not describable. There was powerful
+and oppressive agitation, but whether painful or pleasurable she
+scarcely knew. Her heart was too full to speak, and her thoughts too
+hurried for utterance. The colour was in her cheeks, and the tears were
+silently falling, and presently the quick glancing eye of her father
+caught the expression of concern and deep feeling, and his impetuosity
+misinterpreted the emotion. With rapidity of utterance, and with kind
+tenderness of tone, he exclaimed, grasping her hand:
+
+"Nay, nay, my dear Penelope, do not be so afflicted. You misunderstand
+me, indeed you do. I am not angry with you. If you are really attached
+to Lord Spoonbill, and if he has a regard for you, I would not for the
+world oppose your inclinations. If you are happy, I shall be so. I
+know comparatively very little of Robert Darnley. As to what I saw of
+his father, I certainly thought not favourably. The young man appeared
+not so proud and formal as the old gentleman. But Lord Spoonbill may
+be a very excellent man, and I am sure he would not be your choice if
+he were not so. I dare say that all these stories I have heard of his
+profligacies are not true."
+
+Hereat the young lady started; and she thought that she had some faint
+recollection of having heard some obscure hints on that subject; for
+these matters are not made the topic of explicit discourse in the
+presence of young ladies. And with this impression she hastened to
+undeceive her father as to the state of her affections, protesting very
+calmly and deliberately that there had not been any transfer of her
+attachment to Lord Spoonbill from Robert Darnley. And, as connectedly
+and circumstantially as she was able, she narrated the history of her
+life, from the decease of her worthy uncle to the moment of her meeting
+with her father.
+
+Mr Primrose made his observations on these events, and expressed
+himself delighted in having arrived in England time enough to prevent
+his daughter from publicly exhibiting her musical talents. Now, in the
+course of Penelope's narrative, mention had not been made, nor did it
+seem necessary to state the fact, of Lord Spoonbill's declaration of
+devotedness, which his lordship had made that very morning. It was
+therefore unfortunate, though of no great consequence, that when the
+poor girl had finished her story, Mr Primrose said:
+
+"And so then after all Lord Spoonbill has not said a word to you on the
+subject of attachment?"
+
+It became necessary then to acknowledge what had passed in the morning;
+and the reluctance with which the acknowledgment was made very
+naturally excited some slight suspicion in the breast of Mr Primrose,
+that there was something more serious than had been acknowledged. A
+satisfactory explanation however was made, and all was right again.
+
+This trifling incident would not have been mentioned, but for the
+illustration which it affords of the value of explicitness and candour,
+and for the proof which it presents that the purest and most upright
+mind may, from a false delicacy, involve itself in serious perplexity.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+At the hotel where Mr Primrose had taken up his residence, he remained
+with his daughter for two or three weeks. Penelope and her father were
+during this time in daily expectation of seeing or hearing from Robert
+Darnley, but there came no letter, there came no visitor. Mr Primrose
+grew impatient, and talked to his daughter about writing. That Penelope
+should write was quite out of the question, nor could the young lady
+bring herself readily to allow her father to write.
+
+They both agreed that, if the young man was still seriously attached,
+he would find some way of communicating with them now all parties
+were together in England. And so he certainly would have done, had
+it not been for the false report carried to Neverden by the loyal and
+religious Zephaniah Pringle, and corroborated by the almost unanimous
+and universal talk of the people of that village. Influenced by
+this tale, he remained at Neverden spending day after day in most
+clumsily doing nothing at all. His father talked to him, his mother
+talked to him, and his sisters talked to him, but all their talk
+amounted to nothing. Disappointed affection is a painful feeling, and
+talking cannot heal it; nor was it ever known in the course of human
+experience, that calling a man a fool has been the means of making him
+wise.
+
+Whatever were the feelings of Robert Darnley on this sad blight of his
+fair hopes, he was wise enough to keep them to himself; he was indeed
+dull and listless, but he did not annoy others any farther than thus
+negatively. On the other hand, the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill had
+no sooner accomplished the mighty feat of telling Miss Primrose how
+devoted he was to her, than he must needs again invade the luxurious
+and lounging solitude of his friend Erpingham in order again to
+talk over the subject. His lordship did not indeed on the very day
+after, but at as short an interval as possible consistent with other
+engagements, call upon his luxurious friend to enjoy the pleasure of
+talking about Miss Primrose.
+
+Now Erpingham, as we have already intimated, was by no means a
+simpleton. He had wisdom enough to see through Lord Spoonbill, though
+his lordship was not always able to comprehend the logic of his old
+college companion. There is at Cambridge, as everybody knows, a
+species of animal called a tuft-hunter, that is, a plebeian man, who,
+for pence or pride, cultivates an acquaintance with the young green
+shoots of nobility that are sent to that place to learn horse-racing,
+card-playing, and mathematics, in order to make laws to preserve game
+and keep up the dignity of hereditary legislators. Now Erpingham was
+not one of that description. But there are, among the unfledged
+lordlings who honor that town and university with their superfine
+presence, some few individuals who, in order to enjoy a stronger sense
+and feeling of their own noble rank and exalted condition, seek for
+acquaintance among the untitled. Of this class was Lord Spoonbill, and
+his acquaintance thus and there formed, was Mr Erpingham.
+
+To seek an acquaintance with any individual is generally felt,
+whether it be so considered or not, as an act of humiliation. It
+is at all events a homage paid to the acquaintance thus sought. He
+that voluntarily seeks after another, involuntarily pays that other
+a compliment. And frequently that compliment is taken by those who
+receive it for more than it is really worth. By this circumstance
+therefore that the acquaintance with Erpingham had been of Lord
+Spoonbill's own seeking, the former did not quite so highly value and
+honor the young legislator as otherwise he might have done. And when
+once we can thoroughly and heartily take it into our heads that any
+man is a fool, it is no difficult matter to convince ourselves that
+he really is so. Plenty of illustrations are always at hand, if we be
+intimate with the person in question.
+
+Now, in spite of all the reverence which Mr Erpingham felt for high
+rank, he could not help thinking that his lordship was no conjuror.
+Indeed it is no more to be wished than it is to be expected that the
+House of Lords should be all conjurors. As therefore Mr Erpingham
+thought but indifferently of the understanding of his right honorable
+friend, it is not to be wondered at that Lord Spoonbill should not
+always be treated with the most profound respect. At Cambridge, indeed,
+Erpingham thought it something of an honor to be acquainted with a
+nobleman; but by degrees, and especially after leaving the university,
+the gentleman thought otherwise, and diminished much of the homage
+which he had formerly paid to that right honorable hereditary pillar of
+the Protestant succession.
+
+When therefore Lord Spoonbill made his appearance again, and
+threatened a tedious lack-a-daisical prating about love, Mr Erpingham
+almost laughed at him.
+
+"Well, Spoonbill," said the Epicurean, "and so you are coming to
+report progress. And what says this paragon of wit and beauty? I suppose
+you have made your arrangements: and am I to be honored by an
+introduction?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill shook his head, and went on tediously to relate all
+the particulars of the journey to London and the introduction to Mr
+Primrose. To all this Mr Erpingham listened very attentively; and, when
+the narrative was concluded, he drawled out, "Well, Spoonbill, and what
+then?"
+
+To that question the hereditary legislator made no direct or
+intelligible reply. His friend therefore repeated his question,
+adding: "Were you content with making a mere sentimental speech about
+your devotion to this young lady? And did not you give the slightest
+intimation of your designs?"
+
+"How could I," replied his lordship, "under these circumstances?"
+
+"Then I will tell you, my good friend, that I have done more for you
+than you have done for yourself."
+
+Lord Spoonbill started and stared, and exclaimed: "Erpingham! what do
+you mean?"
+
+"I mean what I say. Do you know Zephaniah Pringle, a literary prig,
+with whose vanity I sometimes amuse myself?"
+
+"Certainly I do," replied his lordship; "but what can he have to do
+with this matter?"
+
+"A great deal," replied Erpingham; "he is, as I suppose you know, an
+impertinent chatter-box, and whatever is trusted to him as a profound
+secret is sure to be known to all the world; so I communicated to
+him that Miss Primrose was in the high road to be placed under the
+protection of the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, and by this time
+Smatterton and its adjoining village is already in possession of the
+important secret."
+
+On hearing this, Lord Spoonbill started, as if with a strong sense of
+moral indignation, and exclaimed: "Erpingham, are you mad? What could
+you mean by circulating such a report? Suppose I should intend to marry
+Miss Primrose!"
+
+"Why, then you are less likely to have a rival."
+
+Although Lord Spoonbill was quite as profligate and unprincipled as Mr
+Erpingham, yet as his profligacy and want of principle were not managed
+and directed precisely after the model of the same vices in the conduct
+of his friend, his lordship took credit to himself that he could enjoy
+the pleasure of reproving the vicious principles of this Epicurean. But
+though he expressed a feeling of indignation at the cool, deliberate
+viciousness of this son of luxury and sensuality, he felt no little
+satisfaction in the thought that this report must infallibly reach the
+ears of Mr Robert Darnley, and thus prevent any further attempt on his
+part to renew the acquaintance with Penelope.
+
+It may seem rather strange to some part of our readers, that a man who
+could descend to the meanness of intercepting letters, should lift up
+his voice and turn up his eyes at the sin of circulating false reports
+touching the character and situation of a young woman, and that this
+same man should deliberately meditate on schemes for placing that young
+woman in that situation which he professed to think so degrading. But
+there is a wonderful difference in the apprehension which men entertain
+of the same vices under different circumstances. There is also
+observable in the feelings of Lord Spoonbill, on the present occasion,
+the readiness and satisfaction with which a man will cheerfully avail
+himself of the benefits derivable from the vicious or unprincipled
+conduct of others.
+
+The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill seemed to think that his friend
+Erpingham had behaved very unhandsomely and disrespectfully to Penelope
+by causing such a rumour to get into circulation; but, when it
+occurred to him that some advantage might be taken of the said rumour,
+his indignation was abated, and all his reproof was softened down into
+merely saying:
+
+"Really, Erpingham, you are too bad."
+
+Everybody who is worse than ourselves is too bad; everybody, whose
+vices differ from ours, is too bad. Lord Spoonbill was selfish,
+sensual, and unprincipled; but he endeavoured to conceal his character,
+and, from attempting to deceive others, had come at last to deceive
+himself; and he really did flatter himself that there was some good
+in his character, and some good feelings in his heart. But Erpingham,
+on the other hand, did not play the hypocrite either to himself or
+to others; he was definite and decided, and he took to himself some
+little credit for the unblushing honesty of his conduct and character.
+He smiled contemptuously at the meanness and littleness of his friend
+Spoonbill's vices; but this meanness was essential to the very
+existence of his vices, he would have been frightened at himself had
+he seen his own moral features without a mask.
+
+There was this difference in the character of these two friends, that
+had Erpingham had the same object in view as Lord Spoonbill, he would
+have pursued it unblushingly, unhesitatingly, and without remorse. He
+would have intercepted letters, but he would not have shuddered when
+he had them in his possession; nor would he have hesitated to open
+them, if that would have forwarded his schemes. There would have been
+no demur or doubt, but everything would have been rendered subservient
+to his villanous purposes. But Lord Spoonbill was not so straitforward
+in his roguery, he was a more pusillanimous profligate. The difference
+between the two is, that Erpingham was an object of indignation, and
+Lord Spoonbill of contempt.
+
+Seeing therefore how matters now stood, the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill thought that he might as well pursue his first object with
+regard to Penelope, and not, at least for the present, think or say a
+word concerning marriage. And it was a great consolation to him in the
+course of his meditations to think how much more unprincipled Erpingham
+was than he.
+
+From a long, and to the Epicurean a wearying discussion, Lord Spoonbill
+returned to his home; and on his return he found that the Countess
+was quite angry, and that her patience was exhausted in waiting for
+Penelope's return. The young lady had indeed mentioned the subject
+to her father, but he did not think any further acknowledgments
+necessary than he had already personally made to the heir of the house
+of Smatterton. Nor could Mr Primrose persuade himself that any very
+high tribute of gratitude was due for that species of patronage which
+the Countess of Smatterton had proposed for his daughter. It was his
+feeling, that her ladyship had in view her own gratification quite as
+much as the welfare of Penelope.
+
+When therefore Lord Spoonbill found that the Countess was still
+expecting either the return of Miss Primrose, or some grateful
+intimation that the proffered patronage was declined, he thought it an
+excellent opportunity to propose a call on Mr Primrose; and, after some
+of the usual prate about condescension and dignity, the young lord, on
+the following morning, rode up to town.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+When a lady finds herself a second time alone with a gentleman who has
+once addressed her on an interesting topic, but whose address has not
+been altogether pleasant and agreeable, the lady's situation is by no
+means enviable. It is more distressing still when, in the recollection
+of the young lady, there are yet lingering the faint relics of brighter
+and better hopes.
+
+This was the situation of Penelope when Lord Spoonbill called upon
+her. Mr Primrose was not within: business demanded his attention in
+the City, and there he was likely to be detained some hours. The
+young lord, with well feigned seriousness, expressed his regret that
+he should be so unfortunate as not to meet with Mr Primrose, and
+he added that he would call again if Mr Primrose was likely soon to
+return. When however he heard that Penelope did not expect her father
+till dinner-time, he was more pleased with the information than he
+professed to be. Miss Primrose very respectfully enquired after the
+Earl and Countess of Smatterton; and, in replying to those enquiries,
+Lord Spoonbill took the opportunity of hinting that her ladyship felt
+somewhat anxious to know whether the return of Mr Primrose to England
+had induced Penelope to relinquish the thought of that profession which
+she had recently contemplated, and for which immediate preparation
+became otherwise necessary and important.
+
+In reply to this enquiry, Penelope informed his lordship that her
+father had expressed himself decidedly of opinion that such pursuit
+would not be agreeable to himself or necessary for his daughter. Lord
+Spoonbill cared little for the disappointment, except that it would
+be in the way of his schemes, and render the arrangement which he
+meditated rather more difficult of execution. So far as expectation was
+concerned, he was prepared for this event; but he was not prepared with
+any plan that he might immediately pursue.
+
+After the common-place talk was finished, his lordship thought that he
+ought to take his leave; but he was reluctant to go, and he did not
+know how to stay. Penelope also wished him gone, for she was afraid
+of a renewal of an unpleasant topic. The young lady also took no
+particular pains to conceal that wish, and his lordship was not quite
+so flat as not to discern that his presence was not very acceptable.
+In truth, his situation was grievously perplexing, and a wiser man
+than he would have been at a loss in such circumstances how to act. It
+was clear to him that Penelope had not quite forgotten Robert Darnley;
+it was also obvious that Lord Spoonbill was not yet essential to the
+happiness of Miss Primrose; he most earnestly desired to render
+himself agreeable to Miss Primrose, and he very well knew that nothing
+could be more agreeable than that he should take his leave; but that
+would not have been agreeable to himself; and greatly as he desired
+to do anything that might recommend him to the approbation of Miss
+Primrose, he was equally desirous of avoiding anything that might be
+disagreeable or unpleasant to himself.
+
+Lord Spoonbill is not to be regarded in this instance as differing so
+very widely from the rest of the world. Other lovers frequently have
+the same ideas on the subject of the mutual accommodation of themselves
+and their adored ones. And if, after this observation, any individual
+of the gentler sex should be deceived by professions and protestations
+of disinterestedness, the fault will be hers and not ours.
+
+In this embarrassing situation in which Lord Spoonbill was placed,
+it occurred to his most fertile imagination that it might greatly
+forward his designs upon Penelope, if, by any means, he could contrive
+to bring the young lady to think unhandsomely of Robert Darnley. It
+certainly would not do for his lordship to make any direct allusion
+to this young gentleman; for it was hardly supposed by Miss Primrose
+that there existed in the mind of his lordship any knowledge of the
+acquaintance between her and the son of the rector of Neverden;
+and such was his lordship's clumsiness in the management of his
+irregularities, that he was even fearful of the most indirect allusion
+to Robert Darnley, lest, in making that allusion, he might betray
+himself.
+
+At length it came into his lordship's most sagacious head that,
+although it might be hazardous to make any allusion to Neverden, there
+could not be much risk incurred by enquiring after Mrs Greendale,
+therefore he ventured to ask, as if for want of something else to say,
+if Miss Primrose had lately heard from Smatterton, and in making this
+enquiry he endeavoured to watch the countenance of the young lady
+most narrowly, in order to observe whether the mention of Smatterton
+produced any deep emotion as connected with Neverden. Penelope answered
+with perfect composure, and informed the hereditary legislator that Mrs
+Greendale had not written to her since her departure from Smatterton.
+
+After mentioning Mrs Greendale, his lordship proceeded to some more
+common talk, merely and obviously to delay his departure; and he
+manifested in this kind of talk that he had a great wish to recur to
+that topic which he had introduced on the morning of Mr Primrose's
+meeting with his daughter. But if it was evident to Penelope that such
+was his lordship's wish, it was quite as evident to his lordship that
+the young lady was equally uneasy under the apprehension, and dreaded
+the repetition of a discussion which at its first introduction had so
+distressed her thoughts.
+
+And now it would have been absolutely and uncontrollably necessary for
+Lord Spoonbill to take his leave, and he must have taken his leave,
+not knowing when or how he might find Penelope again, had it not been
+for one of those unexpected and extraordinary accidents which often
+change the aspect of a whole life. This accident was neither more nor
+less than the sudden return of Mr Primrose to his hotel.
+
+By the expression of Mr Primrose's countenance, which seldom indeed
+concealed or belied the emotions of his mind, it was visible that some
+calamity had befallen him, or at least that something had occurred to
+discompose him. It might not be anything very serious; Penelope hoped
+it was not; for, during the short time that she had been with her
+father she had had abundant occasion of observing that such was the
+susceptibility of his feelings, that the expressions of joy and sorrow
+were soon excited, and that by a very slight and trifling occurrence.
+
+But it was soon manifest that it was no trivial circumstance that
+oppressed the spirits of her father in the present instance. When
+he entered the apartment he scarcely noticed his daughter or Lord
+Spoonbill. He took the former by the hand, and to the latter he
+slightly bowed; and this was his only recognition of them, for he did
+not open his lips, and he scarcely directed his looks towards them. His
+lips were closely compressed, as if he feared that by opening them he
+should betray or give way to stronger expressions of grief than might
+well become him. He sat himself down upon a chair and looked listlessly
+out into the street, moving neither feature nor muscle, except that the
+vibration of his eyelids was more rapid than usual.
+
+Lord Spoonbill was now at a loss whether to offer his sympathy or to
+take his departure. He could not, with any great propriety, leave
+the room without taking some notice of Mr Primrose; but such was the
+expression of the poor man's countenance, that it seemed that merely
+to speak to him in the most common-place manner imaginable would be
+to distress his feelings, and to burst open that flood of grief which
+he seemed to endeavour to restrain. Directing therefore an enquiring
+look to Penelope, and again turning towards Mr Primrose, his lordship,
+by these looks and the movements which accompanied them, intimated
+an intention of departing, if his presence were a restraint. Seeing
+that Mr Primrose kept his position, and that no change was made in his
+features, his lordship was just whispering to Penelope that he was
+sorry to see her father under such depression, and that it might be
+agreeable that he should leave them, Mr Primrose hastily started up and
+said;
+
+"I beg your pardon, Lord Spoonbill, for my rudeness, but I have met
+with a shock this morning that has completely subdued me."
+
+At this speech, Penelope caught her father's hand with tender
+eagerness, and asked, as well as her feelings would allow, what was the
+nature of the misfortune that he had met with. Most tenderly, and with
+a tone which reached even the heart of Lord Spoonbill, Mr Primrose said;
+
+"My dear, dear child, you are a dependent again, and God knows how soon
+you may be an orphan indeed."
+
+Before Penelope could speak, and indeed before she well comprehended
+her father's meaning, the distressed man directed his speech to Lord
+Spoonbill, saying;
+
+"Could you believe it possible, my lord, that such deliberate villains
+should exist in a Christian country, as to take from a man the little
+property which he had been toiling for years to accumulate, to take
+what they knew they never could restore. Those villains suffered me,
+but ten days ago, to deposit my all in their hands, and now they have
+stopped payment; and from all that I can hear in the City, I am not
+likely to receive above one shilling in the pound, and I may wait
+months, or perhaps years, for that."
+
+It may be in the recollection of the reader, that Lord Spoonbill was
+described in an early part of this narrative as being unduly and
+indecently pleased to hear of the illness of Dr Greendale, as exulting
+in the thought that the decease of that worthy, kind-hearted man would
+afford his lordship a more convenient opportunity of pursuing his
+schemes against the peace and innocence of Penelope Primrose. It will
+not therefore appear very surprizing if that same hereditary legislator
+should regard the present calamity of Mr Primrose as an agreeable
+circumstance to himself, and as greatly favouring his designs. There
+was however, in the contemplation of this misfortune of the father
+of Penelope, a desire also on the part of his lordship to contribute
+towards its alleviation. Lord Spoonbill was a profligate, and he was a
+mean, contemptible fellow; but he was not a devil incarnate, delighting
+in mischief or wickedness purely for its own sake. He wished Mr
+Primrose no ill, he had no desire to inflict any injuries or to give
+pain to any one, but he loved himself, and he pursued his own plans for
+his own pleasure, and he was pleased with whatever gave him promise or
+hope of success, even though that very circumstance should be the death
+or injury of another.
+
+Seeing, therefore, that in the present circumstances there was
+something which afforded him promise, he was pleased, and being pleased
+he very kindly sympathised with Mr Primrose, and expressed a wish that
+matters might not be quite so bad as was expected.
+
+Mr Primrose took his lordship's sympathy very kindly, and his mind was
+soothed by it; and with rather more self-possession than might have
+been expected, he replied; "For myself, I care but little; but it is
+mortifying, after so long an absence from my native land, and after so
+much toil and perseverance for the sake of my own and only child, to
+find that all the fruit of that toil is swept away at once."
+
+Penelope, who had been overwhelmed by the suddenness of the
+intelligence, had scarcely spoken; but now assuming with great success
+a calmness and resolvedness of manner, said to her father:
+
+"If that be all the calamity, my dear father, it is easily remedied.
+The Countess of Smatterton has been kind enough to promise me her
+high patronage, and to facilitate my efforts towards providing an
+independency, and Lord Spoonbill has but this moment, just before
+you returned, been enquiring whether or not I design to continue my
+preparation for that pursuit."
+
+"No, no, my Penelope, that is an occupation which I am sure can never
+suit your taste. I will not on any account consent to that. How can
+I bear to think of my own child exerting and wasting her strength to
+amuse the public, and to see her standing before a promiscuous and
+unfeeling multitude, exposed to the rudeness and insolence of loudly
+expressed disapprobation and extempore criticism?"
+
+"Nay, my good sir," said Lord Spoonbill in his pleasantest manner;
+"there is no danger, and there need be no fear, that Miss Primrose will
+ever incur disapprobation; whatever loud expressions there may be, will
+be expressions of applause and delight."
+
+"And that," rejoined Mr Primrose, "is almost as bad. To stand up
+before a multitude and beg for their applause, even if the applause be
+gained, is to my feelings humiliating. To a female it is more painful
+still. I cannot brook the idea of being dependent on a multitude, a
+capricious mass of, perhaps, gross and indiscriminating individuals."
+
+Lord Spoonbill was so much delighted with the probability of Miss
+Primrose's return to the condescending and discriminating patronage
+of the Countess of Smatterton, that the anticipation made him more
+than usually eloquent and logical; and there was something also in the
+manner of Mr Primrose that excited the hereditary legislator to use his
+utmost powers of persuasion. He therefore thus pursued the subject:
+
+"But, sir, it is not merely in that profession which Miss Primrose
+contemplates, that the public takes the liberty of expressing its
+opinion. The highest personage in the kingdom is not exempt from
+expressions of public censure or public applause; and when a nobleman
+in the House of Peers, or a gentleman in the House of Commons, rises
+and expresses his sentiments on any question of policy, the public
+takes the liberty to express, and sometimes very loudly and rudely, an
+opinion of the merits or demerits of such speech."
+
+"Yes, my lord, you are talking very plausibly; but you must feel that
+there is a wide difference between the two cases. You cannot by such
+arguments cheat me out of my feelings. I thought it a calamity when I
+heard that my child meditated that profession, and I was delighted that
+it was in my power to save her from such a painful publicity."
+
+It was not perhaps quite consistent with the strictest veracity when
+Penelope, interrupting her father, said: "Indeed, my dear father, you
+quite misunderstand me, if you think that I should feel any unpleasant
+sensations in that publicity."
+
+Mr Primrose saw clearly enough the motive of that speech; and he began
+to wish that this discussion had not taken place in the presence of a
+third person; and Lord Spoonbill saw that this feeling oppressed the
+poor man. With a degree of propriety and delicacy therefore, which he
+could readily assume when it suited his purpose, he concluded his visit
+by saying:
+
+"Well, Mr Primrose, I will not intrude upon you any longer for the
+present; and I can only say, that I hope you will not find the affairs
+of your banker quite so bad as you expect; but if you should, then I
+will venture to say that the Earl of Smatterton will not forget a near
+relative of the late respected Dr Greendale. Our family will be in
+town in a few days, and I shall be most happy then to repeat my call.
+And should Miss Primrose still persist in wishing to adopt the musical
+profession, a patroness and every possible assistance will not be
+wanting."
+
+In this there was much kindness, and Mr Primrose was accordingly
+pleased with the young lord, and forgot for a moment that he had ever
+heard any stories to his discredit. And, when the father and daughter
+were left alone, they entered into long and serious talk concerning
+their respective prospects.
+
+Mr Primrose was not left absolutely pennyless by the stopping of his
+banker; but the greater part of his property was gone if, as report
+stated, the house should be only able to pay one shilling in the pound.
+Indeed, upon the supposition of a much larger dividend, the property,
+which would then remain to Mr Primrose, would be but a very narrow
+and scanty independence. He had not made so very large a fortune in
+India as some persons are said to have accumulated; but, as soon as he
+had acquired what he thought a respectable competence, he returned to
+England to have as much as possible the enjoyment of his daughter's
+company, and those pleasures which none but a native land is capable of
+affording.
+
+When he had stated to Penelope as accurately and fully as possible the
+various particulars relative to his property, and mentioned the sources
+from whence the rumours came concerning the incompetency of his banker,
+the young lady very composedly expressed her readiness to avail
+herself of the proffered patronage of the Countess of Smatterton.
+There appeared so much sincerity and cheerfulness in the proposal,
+that Mr Primrose felt himself considerably relieved: and not only did
+there appear sincerity in the language used by Penelope, but there
+really was what there appeared to be. For reluctant as she might have
+been to engage in such a profession merely for the gratification of a
+patroness, she felt very differently when she thought that she might
+thereby be an assistance to her father.
+
+Hurt as Mr Primrose's feelings, or pride, might have been at the
+thought of receiving assistance from his own daughter, whom he had
+hoped to place in a state of independence, and mortified as he might be
+at the prospect of the young lady making a public appearance, yet he
+had but little to say to the repeated enquiry which Penelope made in
+answer to all his objections; for invariably his remarks were followed
+by the question--"What else can be done?"
+
+It was too late for Mr Primrose to return to India; and the patronage
+or interest which once had favoured him now existed for him no longer.
+He had not been brought up to any profession whereby he might gain a
+livelihood in England, and he had been accustomed to a style of living
+which rendered daily bread a more expensive article to him than to
+those of humbler prospects.
+
+A very distressing and heart-rending scene may be drawn of human
+suffering from the lowest and most abject of the children of penury and
+destitution. But we have our doubts whether the bitterest and keenest
+sense of suffering is really in that class. The poor gentleman suffers
+mentally, and while the beggar who lives on casual charity has an
+occasional luxury in a full meal, he, whose poverty must be hidden but
+cannot be unknown, is labouring under an unremitting and incessant
+pressure; and it is this that wastes away the body to a mere shadow and
+bows down the spirit to the earth. They are cruel and unfeeling indeed,
+who mock such misery as this. We envy not the talent which can draw
+mirth from a source so painful.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+Another morning dawned, and with its opening light there came to the
+father of Penelope a feeling of his comparatively destitute situation.
+His heart swelled as he thought of it, and he had some difficulty to
+preserve composure enough to meet his child. There was however one
+drop of consolation in the cup of his affliction, for it was not by
+his own fault or folly that his present loss was occasioned. But even
+this consolation afflicted him, for it brought to his recollection his
+past folly, and reminded him of the patient endurance with which the
+mother of his Penelope had borne up, as long as possible, against her
+sufferings. He recollected how gradually and slowly she sunk, and how
+to the very last moment of life her looks were to him all tenderness
+and forgiveness. And he thought that he could also discern in his child
+those same moral features which had been the grace and glory of her
+departed mother.
+
+Commanding his feelings as well as he could, he commenced the talk
+concerning the calamity of the preceding day. His heart was touched by
+the cheerful manner in which Penelope referred to the proposal of the
+Countess of Smatterton, and he smiled through his tears to hear how
+sanguinely the poor girl talked of the certainty of high success. But
+as yet all was in uncertainty.
+
+His banker, in whose hands he had placed the greater part of his
+property, had certainly stopped payment; but it could not yet be
+ascertained when his affairs would be put into a train for settlement,
+nor was it likely that one so little acquainted with the City as Mr
+Primrose should be able to form any idea of the dividend which might
+be paid. He certainly had heard it said that no greater dividend would
+be forthcoming, than one shilling in the pound. But people in the City
+sometimes tells lies not knowing them to be lies, and sometimes even do
+they go so far as to tell lies knowing them to be so.
+
+Mr Primrose was a very hasty man, catching up whatever he heard, and
+taking it for granted that all he heard was true. He never thought of
+enquiring what was the political party to which his banker belonged,
+nor did he know to what party those persons attached themselves who
+told him the melancholy story of that banker's inability to pay more
+than one shilling in the pound. As for Mr Primrose himself, he, poor
+man, knew nothing about party; he was not aware that England contained
+two classes of men, one of which is all that is good, and the other
+all that is bad. He simply knew that the banker had stopped payment,
+and that two very respectable-looking gentlemen had declared it as
+their opinion that there would not be a dividend of more than one
+shilling in the pound. That story he believed, and on that presumption
+was proceeding. His daughter of course could know nothing about the
+matter; and as for the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, he was such a
+superfine sort of a gentleman that he hardly knew that there was such a
+place as the City; and if he had ever heard of such an animal as a City
+Alderman, he took it for some such a creature as the Bonassus.
+
+Now this melancholy intelligence, which Mr Primrose had brought with
+him from the City, put a stop of course to those employments in which
+he would otherwise have been engaged. He was preparing to look out
+for some residence, either in town or country; and for that purpose
+he had every morning read with great attention all the advertisements
+of desirable residences to be sold or let. It was not very pleasant
+to turn from these thoughts to study painfully the means of again
+acquiring a maintenance.
+
+It was more especially distressing to him to observe how anxiously his
+poor child now supplicated as a favour to be permitted to engage in an
+occupation, from which he knew that, under other circumstances, she
+would have timidly shrunk. He was afflicted to hear such solicitations;
+but he had so much pleasure in his daughter's society, and so little
+occasion to go out, that he remained in his hotel the greater part of
+the morning, or more properly speaking the day. Towards evening however
+it occurred to him, and to any one else it would have occurred much
+earlier, that it might be the means of setting his mind a little at
+rest, and of giving him some little ground of hope, if he should go
+once more into the City and enquire of his agent into the probability
+of a settlement or arrangement of his banker's affairs.
+
+While Mr Primrose was gone into the City Penelope was left mournfully
+alone. It is indeed very dull to spend a long solitary evening in a
+strange place without occupation, and with nothing to think upon but
+painful recollections and fearful anticipations.
+
+The room in which the poor girl was left was large and well furnished,
+but there were no books in it, and the pictures were but indifferent
+engravings in splendid frames. There was a newspaper, but that was soon
+exhausted. There were many persons in the house, but Penelope knew none
+of them, and none of them cared about her.
+
+It had been very different at Smatterton, and at Neverden; in those two
+villages everybody knew her, and everybody loved her more or less; and
+there she never felt herself alone, for she knew that her good uncle
+was near her, and there is some pleasure in knowing that a good friend
+is near us. There, when she heard footsteps and voices, they were
+familiar voices and the footsteps of friends; but in the large hotel,
+where she sat alone waiting for her father, she heard only the voices
+of strangers. And when for the sake of a little variety she drew
+aside the drapery of the long windows and looked down upon the lamp
+illuminated street, there was something quite melancholy in the dim
+appearance and the monotonous sounds. Carriage-wheels seemed to roll
+incessantly, and their passing lights were miserably reflected from
+myriads of little puddles coldly shining amidst the uneven pavement.
+
+There was a specimen or two to be heard of the London cries; but there
+was no music in them, and they fell upon the ear with a strangely
+unpleasant effect, intermingled with the occasional sound of a street
+organ. Penelope strained her attention to listen to the music, and it
+was pleasant to her, though the images which it raised in her mind
+were those only of sad regrets. There is more effect produced by those
+street organs than people in general are aware of. Shall we be pardoned
+the strangeness of the expression, if we say that they sometimes give
+a wholesome agitation to the stagnation of the moral atmosphere? And
+shall we be still farther pardoned if we digress, for the sake of
+illustrating by an anecdote the above singular expression? By such a
+digression we are not interrupting our narrative, which is now indeed,
+like its pensive heroine, standing still.
+
+A father had lost an affectionate and promising child, over whose
+long lingering illness he had watched anxiously but hopelessly. The
+poor child had suffered patiently, but had experienced some intervals
+of ease, and some sensations even of delight. A popular melody had
+caught his fancy, and when the wandering organist of that neighbourhood
+played his favourite air, the little sufferer's eyes would brighten,
+and his pale transparent hand would beat the time as knowingly as an
+amateur. That was a scene for a parent to recollect. And the poor
+little one died, and the father, when he had seen the grave closed
+upon the child's remains, returned to his home in a state of apathy:
+feeling seemed to have perished in him. The organist made his
+accustomed round, played the favourite air; the bereaved father was
+awakened to the agony of remembrance, and those tears flowed freely and
+spontaneously, which told that feeling had not departed.
+
+By the itinerant musicians the feelings of Penelope were awakened; but
+she could not help observing how much less emotion she experienced than
+formerly, when these well-known melodies brought to her mind thoughts
+of the absent and the distant. Her mind was otherwise engaged and her
+thoughts otherwise directed. Little did she imagine, when she had been
+anxiously expecting and joyfully anticipating her father's return to
+England, that so dark a cloud would obscure the first dawn of her
+happiness. While she was thus wearing away the slowly moving hours, the
+door of the apartment was opened and Lord Spoonbill made his appearance.
+
+It is a great evil that virtuous men should ever make themselves
+disagreeable, and it is also a great evil that vicious men should
+make themselves agreeable; but the latter is quite as common as the
+former, and perhaps more so. He that exercises no reflection, and never
+turns his thoughts within, has so much the more attention to give to
+the external of manner and address. And so much had Lord Spoonbill
+cultivated manner, that although Penelope had reason to suppose him
+to be no conjuror, and though she had also reason to think that his
+morals were not the most pure, yet he was not altogether offensive and
+disagreeable to her. She could not but feel almost grateful to him
+for having so readily abstained from urging the topic which he had
+mentioned on the day of her meeting with her father. It also appeared
+to her highly flattering and complimentary, that a person of his
+lordship's rank should deign to pay court to one of inferior station;
+for there was not in her mind the slightest or remotest suspicion that
+Lord Spoonbill had any other than the most honourable intention in
+making a profession of attachment.
+
+When his lordship made his appearance, he was received cordially and
+as cheerfully as circumstances would permit. Penelope had now fully
+made up her mind to adopt the profession recommended by the Countess
+of Smatterton, and as Lord Spoonbill had on the previous day, in
+conversation with Mr Primrose, used arguments rather recommendatory
+of that step, the young lady could not of course imagine that there
+remained in his lordship's mind any intention whatever of pursuing the
+subject of his attachment, or renewing any mention of his love and
+devotedness.
+
+This thought gave to her manner a much greater ease, and being also
+blended with the pensiveness of her present feelings, presented her to
+the eye of Lord Spoonbill as more interesting and lovely than ever.
+His lordship was a vain man; and to possess so lovely a creature as
+Penelope, would be the means of gratifying his vanity. He was cunning
+enough however to see that Miss Primrose was quite unsuspicious of his
+designs, and that she did not anticipate a revival of that discourse to
+which her earnest supplications had put a stop. He felt therefore that
+it would not be prudent hastily to recommence a conversation of that
+nature, but to endeavour to render himself more agreeable, and to try
+to ascertain how far there yet remained in her recollection any tender
+thoughts of Robert Darnley.
+
+Such were his lordship's intentions, but they were frustrated by the
+manner in which Penelope spoke, and by the decision with which she
+proposed to cast herself on the patronage of the Countess, and to adopt
+the profession so earnestly recommended by her ladyship. Lord Spoonbill
+to this proposal replied, that the Countess would be most happy to
+afford Miss Primrose all the assistance in her power; and his lordship
+was also pleased to say, that this resolution would contribute very
+essentially to increase the attractions of Lady Smatterton's parties.
+
+Penelope sighed and almost shuddered at the thought; but, as the
+effort was made for the sake of her father, she subdued or concealed
+her reluctance. It was of course understood by his lordship, that this
+resolution of the young lady arose from the loss which her father had
+experienced; it was therefore very natural that some expressions of
+sympathy and concern should be used on the occasion by the hereditary
+legislator. These expressions were gratefully received by Penelope,
+though her language of acknowledgment was only the language of looks
+and imperfectly suppressed tears.
+
+Lord Spoonbill interpreted this emotion as an omen in his favour; and
+he was tempted by his evil genius to say something farther in allusion
+to the prohibited topic. He was greatly and agreeably surprised to
+hear no express and hasty interruption; and fearful lest this silence
+should proceed only from abstraction of mind, he went on to speak more
+decidedly and less equivocally concerning his attachment to the young
+lady. Penelope gave symptoms of understanding his lordship, but shewed
+no decided or obvious marks of disapprobation. There seemed to be,
+and there certainly was, a strong conflict in her mind. She had not,
+indeed, ceased to think tenderly and affectionately of Robert Darnley;
+but she had nearly, if not altogether, ceased to hope. The conflict in
+her mind was between her affection for her father and her indifference
+to Lord Spoonbill. We will not say that her vanity was not flattered by
+the apparent offer of so splendid an alliance. It perhaps influenced
+her as little as it would influence any one; but when the mind is just
+recovering from the pains and mortifications of a first disappointment,
+it is mightily indifferent to matters of sentiment. The very loss of a
+first love is of itself so great an affliction, that it appears as if
+no condition of being could render the affliction greater.
+
+Finding that Penelope returned no answer to his protestations of
+attachment, and that she did not withdraw her hand from his grasp, his
+lordship proceeded to urge his suit in the common language adapted
+for such occasions as the present, and used by such persons as his
+lordship. Penelope, fancying that she was about to give her consent
+to become Lady Spoonbill, prefaced that consent by expressing her
+fears that the Earl and Countess of Smatterton would look down, with
+disapprobation at least, on one so humble and portionless. To obviate
+this objection his lordship, who did not, or who would not see the
+misapprehension of the young lady, observed that the Earl and Countess
+need not know anything of the arrangement.
+
+"But how is that possible?" inquired Penelope in the simplicity of her
+heart.
+
+In explaining that possibility his lordship also explained the object
+which he had in view in making a declaration of his attachment. Now
+Penelope, who had been brought up under the roof and instruction of Dr
+Greendale, and who knew no more of the world than the world knew of
+her, was not able immediately and readily to comprehend his lordship's
+meaning, and when she did comprehend it, she was shocked and astonished
+at it; her pride also, of which she possessed constitutionally an
+abundant share, took alarm at the indignity, and she would, but for the
+utter depression of her spirits, have resented the insult loudly and
+contemptuously. As it was, her only resource was in a copious flood of
+silent tears, and when her paroxysm of anguish was somewhat abated, so
+that she could find utterance for words, she said:
+
+"My Lord Spoonbill, let me request you to leave me. My father will soon
+return, and if he should learn what has passed, I cannot answer for the
+consequences."
+
+The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill began to discern symptoms of a
+horsewhipping, and having acted dishonorably, he looked foolishly. It
+was not generous to attempt to take advantage of the misfortunes of Mr
+Primrose, and the destitute condition of Penelope. But there was in
+his lordship's heart so great a regard for Penelope, that he resolved
+at all events to make her his own, and that if marriage was the only
+condition, he would offer her marriage. With this view he stammered out
+something which he intended as an apology, and endeavoured, as well
+as he could, to unsay all that he had said concerning the humiliating
+arrangement which he had at first proposed; but Penelope heard him not,
+or if hearing, heeded him not.
+
+Hereupon his lordship became more earnest in his solicitations, and
+made such clumsy attempts to explain away his first proposal, that the
+young lady began to think more contemptuously of him than she had ever
+thought before. And now his lordship saw that there was some truth
+and justice in the observations which had been thrown out by his
+friend Erpingham. Seeing the lady so resolute and obdurate, he thought
+it would be the wisest step that he could take to leave her for the
+present, in hope that hereafter her indignation might somewhat abate.
+
+When he was gone, the poor, perplexed, and almost desolate one, felt
+in some measure relieved by his absence; but, when she began to
+reflect, she found that her hopes of the patronage of Lady Smatterton
+were now gone; for it would be absolutely impossible for her to
+place herself again in a situation where she might be exposed to
+the importunities of Lord Spoonbill. And when at a late hour in the
+evening her father returned from the City, it was too much for her to
+receive him cheerfully, and she could no longer speak sanguinely and
+with confidence concerning her prospects under the patronage of Lady
+Smatterton.
+
+As for Mr Primrose, no brighter prospect seemed to shine before him;
+for he had gained no intelligence. He had found, as he might have
+expected, the office of his agent closed, and there was no one in the
+house who could give him the slightest information. He was astonished
+at the world's apathy; no one seemed to sympathise with him. Everybody
+was wrapped up in their own concerns, and the thoughts of all seemed
+to be centred in themselves. This is indeed not much to be wondered
+at. It is the way of the world, and always has been, and always will,
+until some change takes place which we cannot yet anticipate or
+conjecture. It was pleasantly observed by a sentimental jockey, who
+lost by a considerable length the first race he ever rode, "I'll never
+ride another race as long as I live. The riders are the most selfish,
+narrow-minded creatures on the face of the earth. They kept riding and
+galloping as fast as they could, and never had once the kindness or
+civility to stop for me."
+
+In some such state of mind as this was Mr Primrose when he returned
+from his fruitless excursion in the City. All the inquiries which
+he had made about his agent, as to where he was, and how long the
+office had been shut, and what time it would be open tomorrow, and
+ten thousand other matters, had been answered with a toil-saving
+brevity and a coldness, which intimated that the persons answering the
+questions had not so great an interest in them as the person asking
+them.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+
+Many days had now passed away since Mr Primrose had left Neverden and
+Smatterton, and since Robert Darnley had expressed his resolution
+to make prompt inquiry into the cause of the interruption of the
+correspondence between Penelope and himself. There had arrived no
+intelligence from the young gentleman: but Mr Primrose began now to
+think that he himself had not done right in listening and yielding to
+the delicate scruples of his daughter. The father of Penelope was of
+that complexion of mind that, under similar circumstances, he would
+have thanked any one for removing any misunderstanding, even had it
+been the lady herself.
+
+He knew that Robert Darnley had not been the wilful cause of breaking
+off the correspondence, and he knew also that his own daughter had
+not neglected to answer the letters which she had received. He knew
+that the parties were attached to each other, and he had learned from
+Penelope herself that there was no foundation for the story of her
+attachment to Lord Spoonbill. Now what should prevent him from writing
+to Neverden to inform the young gentleman of this fact? He thought that
+it would be an act of kindness to both parties. Nevertheless, it should
+be observed, that Mr Primrose was not one of those terribly kind people
+who force their kindness upon one, whether we like it or not, as the
+man who beat his wife and said, "It is all for your good, my dear."
+
+When therefore he was fully satisfied that it would be but an act of
+kindness to his daughter to remove the mystery from the mind of Robert
+Darnley, he did not take this step without first consulting her for
+whose benefit such step was to be taken. At breakfast he said to
+Penelope:
+
+"So, my dear, my excursion into the City was to no purpose last night.
+I find that I must make an earlier visit, and therefore I shall go
+again to-day. I hope and trust I may find matters not quite so bad as
+I first anticipated. And I think that you need not be in a very great
+hurry to engage in this profession. I cannot say I like patronage. But
+why should not we take some steps to let Robert Darnley know that the
+breaking off the correspondence was not your act? I think I ought to
+write to him. Indeed I almost promised that I would. Very likely he may
+be waiting till he hears from me."
+
+"My dear father," exclaimed Penelope, "you surely would not think of
+such a step as that. It would be exceedingly indelicate, and might
+expose me to contempt. Mr Darnley knows that I am in London, and if
+he were at all disposed to renew the correspondence, or to have an
+explanation of the cause of its interruption, he would either have
+written or have made his appearance in town. Knowing that I was at Lord
+Smatterton's, it was no difficult matter to write to me; for the letter
+would be sure to find me, if directed under cover to his lordship."
+
+"But, my dear child," interrupted Mr Primrose, "I think he expects to
+hear from me; for I recollect now having said something to that effect."
+
+"But after this long interval, if Mr Darnley were really anxious, and
+at all concerned about me, he would have written to press you to the
+performance of your promise."
+
+"He might have done so to be sure," said her father, slowly and
+thoughtfully, and then, as if recollecting himself, he continued in a
+livelier and quicker tone; "but perhaps, as he has not heard from me,
+he takes it for granted that you really were desirous of dropping the
+correspondence; and so after all you will appear to him as the person
+by whose act and deed the acquaintance has ceased."
+
+"And what will he, or can he think," rejoined Penelope, "if, under
+present circumstances, there should be on my part an effort made to
+renew the acquaintance? No, no; let the matter rest. Even if you did
+promise to write first, you may be sure that he would not have waited
+patiently all this while in expectation of hearing from you. He might
+naturally enough suppose that I should object to having overtures made
+as from me; and if he had a real regard for me, we should have heard
+from him by this time. My attachment to Mr Darnley was founded on the
+qualities and endowments of the mind, and if I were deceived as to
+them, that attachment will soon die away."
+
+"Upon my word, child," said Mr Primrose, "I really do not think you
+have any regard for Mr Darnley. You are certainly captivated by this
+Lord Spoonbill."
+
+This was said by Mr Primrose not angrily, but with a tone of mock
+reproach. Penelope shuddered at the allusion to Lord Spoonbill; but she
+endeavoured to conceal her emotion as much as possible, lest she should
+be under the necessity of informing her father of the proposal which
+his lordship had made her the day before.
+
+While this conversation was passing between Mr Primrose and his
+daughter, another scene was passing at the town mansion of the Earl of
+Smatterton, where his lordship and family had arrived on the preceding
+day. Parliament was about to meet after the prorogation. On such
+occasions his lordship's magnificence swelled out to most extraordinary
+dimensions. Then did he bethink himself that he was one of those who
+held in his hand the destiny of the British empire; and, when the
+postman brought letters from divers parts of the kingdom, his lordship
+felt himself to be the centre to which many minds were directing their
+most anxious thoughts. The letters were handed to his lordship on a
+silver tray. The servant who brought them swelled with importance,
+and even the silver tray shone with unusual brightness beneath its
+important burden.
+
+"It is very fatiguing," his lordship would sometimes say, "to have
+anything to do with public business. I often envy the obscurity of
+humble station. There is peace and quietness in the lowly valley."
+
+This, together with much more pompous sentimentality of the same kind,
+his lordship would utter when an unusual number of letters were brought
+to him. On the morning to which we now refer the number of letters was
+great, and they were spread on the table by his important lordship's
+own right honorable hands. The contents of some he anticipated, and of
+others he uttered his conjectures.
+
+"Oh! here are two from Smatterton," exclaimed his lordship: "one,
+I see, is from Kipperson: that Kipperson is really a man of some
+talent; he has very just views of things. This letter from Kipperson
+is of course on private business, which must be postponed to the more
+important affairs which concern the destiny of the empire. But from
+whom can this other letter come? I have no other correspondent there,
+except my cousin Letitia, and this is not her writing."
+
+Then his lordship looked very knowingly at the letter again. But all
+this speechification was perfectly needless; for if he wished to know
+from whom the letter came, he had nothing to do but to open it; and
+till he did open it he was not likely to know anything about it. After
+a full share of idle wonderment, his lordship took the envelope off
+the mysterious letter, and found that it was addressed to Mr Primrose.
+Thereat his lordship was angry, and expressed great astonishment at the
+liberty thus taken with his right honorable name. On looking again at
+the cover he discerned a few lines of apology, bearing the signature
+of Robert Darnley, and stating that the liberty had been taken because
+the writer did not know the gentleman's address, and because he also
+understood that Mr Primrose's daughter was under his lordship's roof.
+
+"And how am I to know the gentleman's address?" exclaimed his
+lordship with a most magnificent air.
+
+But the Countess, who had been informed by Lord Spoonbill that Penelope
+had the intention of returning to undergo her ladyship's patronage, did
+not feel quite so angry as her lord, but suggested that the young lord
+had seen Mr Primrose, and knew the name of the hotel where he lodged.
+
+"Certainly," said Lord Spoonbill, "I will take care of it." And he
+forthwith laid hands upon the letter. Lord Smatterton then added, "I
+beg that Mr Primrose may be immediately recommended to make known his
+address to Mr Darnley, that this liberty may not be taken again."
+
+When Lord Spoonbill had possession of this letter he forthwith began
+to think how he should dispose of it. He was not quite sure, though
+it came from Robert Darnley to Mr Primrose, that it must of necessity
+discourse concerning love and Penelope. When his lordship therefore in
+his own apartment sat muttering over the letter, and wondering what it
+could contain, there was some little more reason for his doubts and
+wonderments than for those of Lord Smatterton over the unopened cover
+addressed to himself. The letter in possession of Lord Spoonbill was
+not addressed to himself, and therefore he had no right to open it,
+however deeply he might feel interested in its contents.
+
+He took up the letter, and looked at the direction and at the seal;
+and he endeavoured to conjecture on what other subject than that of
+Penelope Mr Darnley could write to Mr Primrose. Then did his lordship
+poke his right honorable finger and thumb into the open sides of the
+letter, endeavouring to catch a glimpse of a word or two that might
+help him over the difficulties of conjecture. But the letter was so
+very ingeniously folded that not a single word could be seen. Hereupon,
+incredible as it may appear, his lordship was in a very great wrath,
+and was offended with the insolence of Robert Darnley, who had taken
+such pains to fold his letter, as if he had a suspicion that any
+individual of Lord Smatterton's family should have the meanness to look
+into it. This curious mode of folding the letter induced his lordship
+to make another and another attempt to read a line or a word. But
+nothing could be seen. Now, in the progress of these repeated efforts
+at investigation, the letter was so much disfigured that his lordship,
+with all his ingenuity, could not make it look like itself again.
+
+Another difficulty now arose: for his lordship was ashamed to send it
+in so questionable a shape; and should he send or make any apology, he
+must tell something very much like a lie, and perhaps by his clumsiness
+in apologizing create a suspicion of the real fact. Perplexed and
+undecided, he thrust the letter into his pocket and walked out.
+
+Lord Spoonbill must have been very much attached to Miss Primrose to
+take all this trouble, and to expose himself to so many annoyances
+on her account; and the worst of the matter was that he could not,
+in making his visit to the young lady, quote all these instances of
+mortification and self-denial as illustrations and proofs of his
+devotedness to her. He could not tell her that, for her sake, he had
+stooped to meannesses of which any other man would have been ashamed.
+He could not tell her that, in order to place her in the enviable
+rank of nobility, he had intercepted her letters and had corrupted
+the integrity of Nick Muggins, the Smatterton post-boy. By the way we
+cannot help remarking, that Muggins was much to blame for accepting
+a bribe to betray his trust. But the love of gold is an universal
+passion, it is not confined to any one class or condition of human
+life; it influences the high and the low, the rich and the poor, the
+learned and the unlearned;
+
+  "In peace it tunes the shepherd's reed,
+  In war it mounts the warrior's steed,
+  In halls in gay attire 'tis seen,
+  In hamlets dances on the green;
+  It rules the court, the camp, the grove,
+  And men below and gentlemen above."
+
+But to return to our enamoured hereditary legislator. He was walking,
+he scarcely knew whither, with Robert Darnley's letter in his pocket;
+and he was meditating most perplexedly on the various events of human
+life, on those at least which concerned himself, and he thought that he
+had been acting very much like a fool, and he felt very much inclined
+to make a mighty effort to act like a wise man. But wisdom is not an
+extemporaneous production of a fool's head. It required something more
+than a volition to change the whole tenor of the conduct.
+
+In his resolution to act more wisely, the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill made with himself this stipulation, namely, that at all
+events, and by any means honorable, or dishonorable, he must have Miss
+Primrose; for it was absolutely impossible that he could live without
+her. It was therefore no easy matter for his lordship so to manage
+matters as to gain Miss Primrose at all events, and yet to act as a
+man of honor. For here was in his pocket a letter, which, as a man of
+honor, he ought immediately to hand over to Mr Primrose; and yet he
+very strongly suspected, that if the said letter should come into the
+possession of the person to whom it was addressed, it would be most
+probably the means of placing an insuperable objection in the way of
+his lordship's designs. It also entered into the mind of the meditating
+young gentleman that, if the acquaintance between Miss Primrose and
+Robert Darnley should be renewed, there might be some talk about the
+letters which had not reached their destination, and there might be
+made some enquiries. And what if, after all, Nick Muggins should turn
+traitor! Who could tell what influences fear or hope might exercise
+over the uncivilized post-boy of Smatterton?
+
+Instruction being a much more important object than amusement, we
+feel ourselves bound to direct the attention of our readers to the
+instruction which may be derived from the fact here alluded to. Here
+is political instruction and personal instruction. We do not believe
+a word of the idle prating that some political greenhorns make about
+secret service money; but we do believe that many of those politicians,
+and they are not a few, who mistake cunning for wisdom, frequently
+become entangled in nets of their own weaving, and fall into pits
+of their own digging. To play the rogue with perfect success, is a
+perfection almost beyond the reach of ordinary humanity: for they, who
+have talent and power to do so, are generally too wise to possess the
+inclination, and they who are weak enough to possess the inclination,
+are in nine cases out of ten too clumsy to carry it on with perfect
+success. And the worst of it is, that they must make use of tools which
+are either too strong to be managed, or too weak to be depended on.
+
+This is also a lesson of instruction to persons in private life,
+especially to those who have nothing to do but to live on the fruits
+of their grandfather's industry, or their great grandfather's roguery;
+for it teaches them that, if they will pursue those ends which are
+dishonorable, they must also make use of dishonorable means; and they
+will very frequently be placed in very uncomfortable and mortifying
+situations.
+
+Now, however willing Lord Spoonbill might have been to suffer the
+letter in his possession to reach its proper destination, he found that
+he could not send it without exposing his former meanness to the risk
+of detection, and in all probability defeating the end which he had
+in view in intercepting the letters which were passing between Miss
+Primrose and Robert Darnley. In such perplexity, his lordship walked
+from one street to another till he found himself at a very considerable
+distance from Mr Primrose's hotel.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+
+Lord Spoonbill was not like Cato. For history records of the latter
+that he preferred being good to seeming so: Lord Spoonbill had no great
+objection to being a rogue, but did not like to be thought one. It was
+therefore not very pleasant for him to be placed in that dilemma, of
+which we made mention in the last chapter. He saw, or at least had good
+reason to think that he saw, that Mr Darnley was bent on renewing the
+acquaintance with Miss Primrose; and he also feared that Penelope had
+not sufficiently forgotten her first lover.
+
+There also occurred to his mind the thought that it was possible for
+Mr Darnley to make a journey to London for a personal explanation, if
+the letter to Mr Primrose should not be answered. This consideration
+suggested to his lordship the necessity of taking prompt and decided
+measures. He saw that no chance remained for him but in the way of
+matrimony. He certainly dreaded the encounter with his right honorable
+parents; but, if he could not live without Penelope, it was absolutely
+necessary that he should take steps to live with her.
+
+This is a very proper place wherein to make a digression concerning
+the omnipotence of love; and here we ought to be extremely pathetic,
+shewing and demonstrating with heart-rending eloquence, how
+irresistible is this universal passion: and perhaps some of our
+readers, not many we hope, may think that we ought to make a very
+sentimental defence of Lord Spoonbill, as some of our predecessors
+in the history of lovers have made of those idle cubs who have shewn
+their refinement and sensibility by seducing engaged or betrothed
+affections. But we do not believe in the omnipotence of love; and we
+do not think Lord Spoonbill at all deserving of pity. Falling in love
+with Penelope was on his part perfectly voluntary, deliberate, wilful,
+and intentional. It is all very possible and very plausible for an
+inexperienced and thoughtless youth to find himself mightily attached
+to a young woman before he is aware almost of the existence of the
+passion; but this was not the case with Lord Spoonbill. When he saw
+Miss Primrose he admired her; when he became more acquainted with her,
+he liked her; and, from pursuing, he loved her. But he knew from the
+first that she was otherwise engaged; and his designs towards her had
+been degrading.
+
+We have dwelt long, and perhaps tediously, on Lord Spoonbill's
+embarrassment; we have done so intentionally, because that
+embarrassment dwelt tediously on his mind, and it was necessary,
+for the sake of accuracy in the picture, to represent the case not
+transiently, but copiously.
+
+The result of the right honorable hereditary legislator's meditation
+was, that as it was not possible for him to live without Penelope, and
+as delay might expose him to the danger of being compelled to do that
+which he knew to be impossible, he would take the earliest opportunity
+of making regular and deliberate overtures of marriage. And he felt
+satisfied that the fascination of title and the splendour of opulence
+would be too much for a female heart to withstand. There was also
+another thought on which he grounded his hopes: he considered that
+the affection which Penelope had for her father would induce her more
+readily to accept an offer which would provide her with the means of
+assisting him.
+
+With this resolution he returned home; as he thought that it might be
+more advisable to communicate his intention to the parties concerned
+by letter than by word of mouth. Probably his lordship might imagine
+that, if thus Mr Primrose were made acquainted with the magnificent
+offer that awaited his daughter's acceptance, paternal pride would be
+gratified, and paternal authority might be added to other motives,
+inducing the young lady's compliance. Lord Spoonbill was by no means
+fastidious as to the manner in which he gained his object, provided
+that the object was gained.
+
+His lordship dined that day at home. During dinner he was silent, and
+looked almost sulky. The Earl and Countess inferred from these looks
+that their hopeful son was on the eve of saying or doing something not
+very agreeable to his parents; for he most usually prefaced an act
+of opposition to their will by putting himself into an ill-humour.
+This is a refined piece of domestic tactics. None however but spoiled
+children can use it with proper dexterity and complete success. When a
+wife wishes to persuade her husband out of his senses, or to guide him
+against his better judgment, her prelude is generally an extraordinary
+degree of sweetness, and her preface is made of witching smiles; and
+then the husband thinks that it would be cruel to convert such smiles
+into tears, and he passively yields to the power of the silent logic
+of the laughing eye. But the policy of a great overgrown booby is
+different. The spoiled blockhead knows that no art of his can give
+extra loveliness to his looks in the eyes of his fond parents. His own
+precious numskull is to them the ne plus ultra of human excellence.
+But if that sweet face is darkened by a frown, and if the dear pet is
+sulky, cross-grained, and ill-humoured, then anything and everything
+must be conceded to bring him back to his good-humour again.
+
+"Spoonbill, are you unwell?" said Lord Smatterton.
+
+"No," replied Spoonbill in a style of sulky abruptness, which Tony
+Lumpkin himself might have envied.
+
+"You seem to be quite out of spirits to-day:" said the Countess, in one
+of her most agreeable and winning tones.
+
+"One cannot be always laughing and talking," was the uncourteous and
+ungrateful reply.
+
+Then followed a long pause. The Earl and Countess scarcely dared
+to speak to each other, and Lord Spoonbill pertinaciously held his
+peace. Now such a state of things cannot last long; it is absolutely
+unbearable. Very soon after the servants had left the room, as the
+young man's silence and sulkiness yet continued, Lord Smatterton, who
+thought himself a bit of a politician, gave her ladyship a hint to
+indulge them with her absence.
+
+When they were alone, the Earl of Smatterton thus addressed his hopeful
+son: "Spoonbill, I fear that something is preying upon your mind. May I
+be permitted to know what it is that disturbs you?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill did not make any reply to this consolatory
+interrogation: for he felt very well satisfied that the communication
+of the cause of his concern would not be very likely to remove it. He
+therefore thought it best to contrive, if it could be so managed, to
+let the truth come out gradually, and to bring his father to guess,
+than to tell abruptly, the cause of his oppression.
+
+"You are silent," said the Earl of Smatterton. Lord Spoonbill knew that
+without requiring to be told of it. The Earl then continued:
+
+"Why should you conceal from me anything that concerns and interests
+you? I am only desirous of promoting your welfare; and, if in any
+matter I can serve you, command me."
+
+It is quite contrary to our notions of propriety that sons should
+command their parents; it was also contrary to Lord Smatterton's ideas
+of his own dignity that any one should dictate to him; but in the
+present instance he adopted the courtier's language. As his son did not
+seem disposed to command him, the father felt very much inclined to
+command his son, and to insist with mighty dignity on knowing the cause
+of this strange behaviour. But Lord Spoonbill was rather too old to be
+treated like a boy. His lordship would not be snubbed; but he could not
+always escape a lecturing.
+
+There is this difference between the rational and irrational part of
+the creation; that, among the irrational animals, the parents are in
+haste to give their offspring a hint of their independence; but among
+rational beings, the young ones are more in haste to throw off their
+dependence than parents to renounce their authority or withdraw their
+protection. One reason perhaps for this arrangement is, that rational
+youngsters are not quite so well able to guide and to take care of
+themselves as irrational animals are.
+
+The feeling of which we are here speaking operated very powerfully in
+the minds of Lord Smatterton and his son. The father was especially
+fond of authority, and the son as fond of independence: but the father
+held the purse, and there lay the great secret of his power. Lord
+Spoonbill knew that he could not marry Miss Primrose without the
+consent of more parties than himself and the young lady; he knew that
+the means of an establishment must be contributed by his own right
+honorable father; and therefore his consideration was, how to obtain
+that consent, and how to reconcile his father's well-known horror of
+plebeianism with his own marriage, with the daughter of a man who had
+originally sprung from the City. To have made the proposal flatly and
+plainly, would have put the Earl into a most tremendous passion. It was
+therefore necessary to have recourse to management.
+
+Finding that the Earl was slow in uttering conjectures, Lord Spoonbill
+was compelled to give broader hints; and for that purpose he rose
+from his seat and walked to the fire-place, and put his elbow on the
+chimney-piece, and his hand upon his forehead, and sighed--oh, how he
+did sigh! He would have been a fine subject for Chantrey; but neither
+Chantrey nor any one else could have immortalized that magnificent
+sigh.
+
+At this movement the Earl started, and exclaimed: "Are you in love,
+Spoonbill?"
+
+"Suppose I am, sir;" replied the son of the patrician, "and what
+then?"
+
+"What then!" echoed Lord Smatterton; "that very much depends on the
+person who has engaged your affections. If it be a suitable connexion,
+I shall throw no impediment in your way."
+
+"But, perhaps, what may appear a suitable connexion to me may not
+appear in the same light to you."
+
+"Of course you will not think of marrying a woman of no understanding."
+
+"Certainly not," replied Lord Spoonbill cheerfully and confidently;
+"I could not bear to live with a wife who was not a person of
+intellect."
+
+Some of our readers might not have expected this remark from Lord
+Smatterton, or this reply from Lord Spoonbill; but let those readers
+look out among their acquaintance for a great blockhead, and let
+them talk to him about intellect, and they will not wonder that Lord
+Spoonbill had a fancy for an intellectual wife. There is, now a-days, a
+great demand for intellect, and a demand will always create a supply of
+some sort or other.
+
+"And I think," continued the Earl of Smatterton, "that I know your
+opinions on that subject too well to suppose that you would ever
+degrade yourself so far as to marry a person of low birth."
+
+Lord Spoonbill bit his lips; and said, "I would never marry a woman of
+vulgar manners, whatever might be her birth."
+
+"You are right," said the Earl; "but why can you not tell me at once,
+without all this circumlocution, who is the lady that is destined to
+the honor of becoming Lady Spoonbill?"
+
+Here the young man hesitated and demurred, and endeavoured to say
+something that should amount to nothing. But the Earl was not content
+to be put off evasively, and pressed so hard, that at length the secret
+was extorted. Then was the Lord of Smatterton exceedingly astonished
+and grieved, and he groaned and shook his head most solemnly, and in a
+tone of great anguish of mind, said;
+
+"Oh, Spoonbill! Spoonbill! That you should ever have come to this! And
+have you made the young woman an offer of your hand?"
+
+"I have," replied the son, who thought that the readiest way of
+bringing the matter to a conclusion would be to avow it at once.
+
+But, when the Earl farther enquired whether the offer had been accepted
+or not, the young lord was under the necessity of acknowledging that
+it had not been exactly accepted, but that he had no doubt it would
+be. This was a curious piece of refinement in the art of lying. Lord
+Spoonbill was too scrupulous to commit himself by a downright palpable
+falsehood, which might be detected, but instead of that he had recourse
+to one of those lies, which are not so easy of detection, but which
+answer quite as well the purpose of deceit. It was quite as much a
+lie to say that he had no doubt that his offer would be accepted, as
+it would have been to say that it had already been accepted. But the
+one lie might have been detected, the other could not. He had doubts
+of his acceptance, and serious doubts too; but he thought that if the
+young lady and her father found that the match was countenanced by
+the Earl, and, if proposals could be fairly and fully made before Mr
+Darnley should have an opportunity of holding any intercourse with Miss
+Primrose or her father, there was a possibility of success.
+
+This information was indeed melancholy news to Lord Smatterton, who had
+enjoyed and pleased himself with the thought that he had to boast of
+true patrician blood, and who looked forward to see his only son uphold
+the dignity of his house. There is a pleasure in greatness which none
+but great ones know. It had been the pride of the Earl of Smatterton
+to look down with contempt on such noble families as had degraded
+themselves by admixture with plebeian blood. Now all his sneers and
+sarcasms, he thought, would be turned against himself, and it pained
+him to think that it might be said of him, "that is Lord Smatterton,
+whose son married a woman from the City."
+
+His lordship knew that his son was obstinate and headstrong, and he saw
+that there was no mode of preventing the catastrophe, if the young man
+had set his mind upon it. But notwithstanding he knew that opposition
+must be fruitless, he could not help speaking in his own peculiarly
+emphatic manner against the proposed match.
+
+"Spoonbill," said the Earl, "marry Miss Primrose if you please; but
+remember"--here his lordship made a most magnificent pause--"remember
+that your establishment must be from the fortune of your destined
+bride. From me you have nothing."
+
+Had circumstances been otherwise than they were, and not requiring
+such despatch, Lord Spoonbill would not have heeded this speech. He
+would have known that ultimately he should succeed with his magnificent
+father; but his object was to come to a speedy decision; he wished
+to be able at once to make a decided proposal. At this remark of his
+father Lord Spoonbill was angry and sulky, and he pettishly replied; "I
+think I have a right to marry as I please."
+
+"And I also have a right to use my property as I please; and I
+will never consent to appropriate any part of it to the purpose of
+introducing a woman of low birth into my family."
+
+It may be very well supposed by our readers, that the discussion on
+this interesting topic between Lord Smatterton and his son did not end
+here; and we shall not be blamed for omitting the remainder of the
+angry discussion between father and son on this very interesting and
+delicate topic. It may be very easily imagined that the son went on
+grumbling, and that the father went on prosing, for a considerable
+length of time, and that they did not arrive at any satisfactory
+conclusion.
+
+It may be also very easily imagined that when the melancholy
+intelligence was communicated to Lady Smatterton, her ladyship must
+have suffered very acutely when she found that her beloved and only
+child had so far forgotten the pure and high principles in which he
+had been nourished, as to think of bringing misery and disgrace into a
+noble family, by letting down the Spoonbills to an alliance with the
+Primroses.
+
+It is a pity that in these days of invention and ingenuity no
+contrivance can be hit upon for preventing such miserable and
+heart-breaking casualties, as patrician youths falling in love with
+plebeian damsels. The "order" of hereditary legislators has been in
+many instances most cruelly and mercilessly invaded by impertinent,
+instrusive plebeians. Sometimes love and sometimes necessity have
+compelled an union between the high and low; and yet, notwithstanding
+these painful and melancholy admixtures, patricianism has kept up a
+very pretty spirit of distinctness, and does yet contain some choice
+specimens of the finer sorts of humanity. How much more magnificent and
+sublime patricianism might have been but for these admixtures, it is
+impossible to say.
+
+It is enough however for our present purpose to observe that, with all
+the power which Lord Spoonbill, as an only one and a spoiled child,
+possessed over his parents, he was not able, even with the additional
+force of his sulkiness and ill-humour, to bring them to assent to
+the ill-assorted union which he contemplated. The Earl and Countess
+of Smatterton could not give their consent to such a humiliating and
+degrading connexion. They did not indeed know who or what Mr Primrose
+was, but they did know who and what he was not. They knew that he was
+not of their set; that he was not a man of family or title, and that
+whatever property he might possess, he had acquired it by his own
+diligence or wit. Now that was an abomination, an indelible disgrace,
+a reproach not easily to be wiped away. They took it for granted,
+indeed, that Mr Primrose had some property; but if they had known that
+even the little property which he had was placed in jeopardy, their
+indignation would have been greater still at the folly of their own
+and only precious pet essaying to unite himself with a young woman who
+had nothing to recommend her but the possession of almost every virtue
+that can adorn the female character, united with a strong and masculine
+understanding, and embellished with gracefulness of manners, gentleness
+of deportment, and a moral dignity, which was high enough to look down
+with indifference on the accidental distinctions of society.
+
+All that Lord Spoonbill could gain from his inexorable and right
+honorable parents, was a promise that they would think about it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+
+It is a sad thing to be the most unfortunate creature in the world; and
+the only consolation under such calamity, is the thought that it is
+by no means uncommon. Almost every body is in this condition at some
+period or other of his life. This calamity befel Lord Spoonbill at the
+juncture of which we are now writing. It happened under the following
+circumstances.
+
+We have related that Mr Primrose, after hearing of the stoppage of
+his banker, went into the City to his agent at a preposterously late
+hour of the day, and that in so doing he lost his labour. We have
+also related that, during the absence of Mr Primrose from his hotel,
+the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill called and made overtures to Miss
+Primrose. We have also related that Lord Spoonbill, finding that it was
+absolutely impossible to live without Penelope, and finding also that,
+without an establishment, it would be as impossible to live with her,
+had made known to his respected parents his intention to lead that same
+young lady to the altar, or, in plain English, to marry her. Leading a
+lady to the altar is merely a newspaper phrase, and sounds heathenish;
+we ought rather to say, leading her to the communion table. But, not to
+use superfluous words, let us proceed.
+
+We have narrated that the right honorable parents of Lord Spoonbill
+were indignant at the proposal of their son, and we have also stated
+that despatch was to the young gentleman an object of the greatest
+importance. The reason why he was in so much haste has also been stated.
+
+Now it so happened, that on the very day on which the letter of Robert
+Darnley was intercepted at the house of Lord Smatterton, and by the
+meanness of Lord Spoonbill, Mr Primrose went again into the City and
+called on his agent, and made enquiries concerning the probabilities
+or chances of his bankers paying a good dividend. In these enquiries
+he found himself most agreeably surprised, by ascertaining two very
+important points: one was, that only part, and that no very great
+part of his property had been paid into the hands of the said banker;
+and another was, that what had been already paid there would, in
+all probability, be soon forthcoming again, very little, if at all,
+diminished by the untoward circumstances that compelled a stoppage.
+
+While therefore Lord Spoonbill was sulking and pouting to his papa
+and mama about Penelope Primrose, that young lady was enjoying the
+agreeable and pleasant intelligence which her father had brought from
+the City. The brief discussion which passed between the father and
+daughter concerning the propriety of writing to Robert Darnley, we have
+already narrated. This took place on the morning of the day on which
+Mr Primrose, going into the City, found his affairs in so much better
+order than he had anticipated.
+
+On the evening of that day the subject was renewed, though but faintly
+and indirectly. But in the course of conversation Mr Primrose alluded
+to the offer which Mr Pringle, the new rector of Smatterton, had made
+of accommodating Mr Primrose with the parsonage-house, provided he
+should choose to take up his residence at Smatterton. Now Penelope
+loved Smatterton for many reasons. There had she first learned to
+know and feel what was real kindness of heart. With that village were
+blended all her early associations and recollections. She loved the
+village church, and there was to her ear music in its abrupt little
+ring of six small bells. The very air of the village was wholesome
+to her, morally as well as physically. The great booby boys and the
+freckled girls of the village were her intimates; not her companions
+indeed, but she could sympathize with them, although they could not
+always sympathize with her. She also knew the cows and the dogs and the
+horses. She knew the names of a great many of them; and very often,
+during her short sojourn in the great city, she had called to mind with
+a starting tear the recollection of the monotonous, drawling, daily
+tone, with which the farmers' men talked to these animals.
+
+When therefore her father proposed taking up his abode at Smatterton,
+and hiring for that purpose the parsonage-house, she altogether
+forgot its vicinity to Neverden and its association with the name of
+Darnley, and she was delighted with the prospect of going back again
+to those scenes with which her mind connected images of pleasure and
+recollections of peace.
+
+It was with ready and delightful acquiescence that Penelope assented to
+the proposal; and as Mr Primrose saw that his child was pleased with
+the thought of going to reside at Smatterton, he hastened to put his
+intentions into execution; and at the very time that Lord Spoonbill
+was grumbling about his right to marry whomsoever he pleased, Mr
+Primrose was making arrangements to leave London.
+
+The father of Penelope was not slow in his movements, and he was not
+in the habit of giving his purposes time to cool. He wrote by that
+evening's post to Smatterton, and at an early hour on the following
+morning he and his daughter commenced their journey. So that when Lord
+Spoonbill, who heeded not his father's long lecture on the subject
+of dignity, called again at Mr Primrose's hotel, and heard that the
+gentleman and his daughter were gone, and that they were gone to
+Smatterton, then his lordship was grieved beyond measure, and his
+perplexity was serious, and his fears rose within him: for he took it
+for granted that there must soon be an interview and an explanation,
+and then he distrusted Nick Muggins, and there rose up before his
+mind's eye the phantom of that ungainly cub and his clumsy pony: that
+image which, in the recollection of most who had seen it, would excite
+a smile at its uncouthness, was to the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill
+productive of very painful emotions and disagreeable apprehensions. So
+his lordship thought himself the most unfortunate creature in the world.
+
+Then again there was in his lordship's possession the letter from
+Robert Darnley to Mr Primrose, and his lordship hardly knew what to do
+with that. He thought that the secret of his having already detained it
+for a whole day must inevitably transpire. Whether he should send it
+or detain it would be equally ruinous to his schemes. He looked very
+thoughtfully at the letter, and at length resolved to send it with an
+explanation to Mr Primrose at Smatterton. He thought that, if there
+should be on the letter any symptoms of curious or prying fingers, it
+might be attributed to any one rather than to his lordship; and he
+thought that, at the worst, no one would explicitly charge him with
+an attempt to penetrate into its secresy. The letter was therefore
+despatched with an apology for its detention as much like a lie as
+anything that a lord could write.
+
+There was nothing now left for Lord Spoonbill to do but to sigh over
+his calamitous loss as deeply as he could, and to explain to his
+father, as ingeniously as might be, the singular event of the sudden
+departure of Mr Primrose and his daughter from London, at the very
+moment when a right honorable suitor for the young lady's hand had
+started up in the person of Lord Spoonbill. The son said it was very
+strange, and the father also thought it was very strange, and he
+recommended his son not to have any farther correspondence with persons
+who could behave thus disrespectfully. But the young gentleman was too
+much enamoured to listen to such advice, and he exercised most heartily
+all his little wits to devise means of carrying on his suit to Penelope.
+
+For the present we must leave his loving lordship in London, enjoying
+all the luxuries and splendors which gas, fog, smoke, foolery, wax
+candles, painted faces, late hours, French cookery, Italian music,
+prosy dancing, Whig politics, and patrician scandal, could afford him.
+It is far more to our taste to follow Mr Primrose and his daughter into
+the country than to remain with Lord Spoonbill in London. If any of our
+readers wish to know what Lord Spoonbill did with himself in London,
+they may form a tolerably correct idea from ascertaining how the rest
+of that tribe occupy their time. He was a very fashionable man, he knew
+all the common-places perfectly, and with his own set he was quite at
+home. There let us leave him.
+
+Mr Primrose and Penelope travelled to Smatterton in perfect safety;
+and the father congratulated himself and his daughter upon their safe
+arrival, observing that had they ventured to use the stage-coach
+instead of post-chaises, they would certainly have had their necks
+broken at the bottom of some steep hill.
+
+Their reception at Smatterton parsonage was most cordial and highly
+courteous. Nothing could exceed the happiness of the young rector
+in receiving under his roof so respected a friend as Mr Primrose.
+Preparations had been made according to the best of the young
+clergyman's ability; and, as Mr Primrose's letter mentioned the day
+and the hour of his arrival, Mr Pringle thought that he could not do
+otherwise than make a party to meet the gentleman at dinner.
+
+Since the departure of Mrs Greendale from Smatterton, the establishment
+of Mr Pringle had continued the same, but his domestics had not had
+a very bustling life; and they ventured to contradict the popular
+theory which represents man as a creature of habit. For during the
+reign of Mrs Greendale they had been accustomed to fly about the house
+with unceasing bustle and activity, but since her departure they had
+become almost as lazy as their master. The domestics were two female
+servants, one about sixty and the other about forty. They were clumsy
+and uncouth, but their clumsiness was hardly visible in the time of
+Mrs Greendale; for under her administration they had been habituated
+to move about with most marvellous celerity, and now that the old
+lady was departed they seemed glad to take breath, and they took it
+very leisurely. It was a great mercy that they were not absolutely
+broken-winded.
+
+There was also remaining in the establishment a man servant, an
+amphibious animal as it were, not because he lived partly on land and
+partly in water, but as living partly in the house and partly out
+of it. He was a mighty pluralist, and filled, or rather occupied,
+many places; and from the universality of his genius he might,
+had he been in higher station, have aspired to be prime minister,
+commander-in-chief, lord chancellor, and archbishop of Canterbury. As
+it was, his occupations were quite as multitudinous and heterogeneous.
+His great skill was in gardening, and finding that he was successful
+in cultivating cabbages, he ventured also to undertake the cavalry
+department in the late Dr Greendale's service. His duties here were not
+many or oppressive, seeing that the late doctor kept but one horse,
+and that was very quiet and gentle. This universal genius acted also
+as butler and footman. In this last capacity he did not shine. He did
+not want for head, he had enough of that, and more than enough. As for
+figure, it is difficult to say what that was, it was so exceedingly
+indefinite. It was considerate of the late Dr Greendale that he did not
+task the poor man very hardly as to his department of footman. But the
+new rector loved state, and it was his pride to keep a livery servant,
+and he would also insist upon the attendance of this man at table. And
+though the footman was not himself a great adept in waiting at table,
+he soon brought his master to wait.
+
+With this ungainly establishment, the Reverend Charles Pringle took it
+into his head to give a dinner to as many as he could collect, in order
+to pay a compliment to Mr Primrose, and to pay court to Miss Primrose.
+Unfortunately for Mr Pringle it did not answer.
+
+It would be wearying to our readers to have the particulars and
+the failures of a clumsy mockery of an elegant dinner set forth at
+full length. Let it be supposed that there was expense, inelegance,
+constraint, anxiety, mortification. As we are not writing for cooks, we
+pass over the minutenesses of a spoiled dinner; the greatest evil of
+which was, that the party was in some degree silent during the progress
+of dinner, for they had not much opportunity of talking gastronomically.
+
+The English people can talk, but they must have something to begin
+with. If they meet out of doors, they must begin talking about the
+weather, and within doors, especially at dinner time, they must begin
+talking about eatables and drinkables. From such beginnings they can
+go on to any subject; but they must of necessity have a common-place
+beginning.
+
+After the cloth was removed, and the spoiled or ill-arranged dishes
+were forgotten, the party felt themselves more at liberty. We have not
+yet named the persons who composed the party; and when we say that
+Mr Kipperson, Mr Zephaniah Pringle, and five or six of lesser note
+were present, our readers may well suppose that there was no lack of
+inclination to discourse, especially on the part of those two gentlemen
+whom we have named.
+
+Now it has been stated, that Zephaniah the critic had carried down to
+Smatterton an awkward rumour concerning Penelope Primrose. The source
+from whence the said critic had gathered the information has been also
+stated. But as soon as the intelligence of Mr Primrose's intention to
+reside with his daughter at Smatterton reached the new rector, and
+was by him communicated to his brother and to Mr Kipperson, a virtual
+contradiction was given to the ill report; and then all three of the
+gentlemen found out that they had never believed it.
+
+To render themselves as agreeable as possible to Mr Primrose, the
+three whom we have named talked great abundance of nonsense and
+magnificence. Their first concern immediately after dinner was to
+consult on the best means of saving the nation. Mr Kipperson was well
+satisfied that nothing would or could do the nation the slightest
+service, so long as the agricultural interest was neglected. There were
+two serious evils which were growing worse and worse, the increase of
+the population, and the importation of foreign grain. The ingenious
+agriculturist proved that the farmer was eaten up by the increasing
+population, and that the quantity of grain in the country was so large
+that it could not find consumers.
+
+Zephaniah Pringle agreed with Mr Kipperson in the grand principle that
+there were too many consumers for the corn, and too much corn for the
+consumers. There was the great evil, he thought, in these two troubles
+existing at once; were they in existence separately they might soon
+be got rid of. The consumers might consume an extra quantity, and
+soon settle matters in that way, or the want of corn might thin the
+consumers, and soon settle matters that way. But, while the two evils
+operated together, they were dreadful calamities.
+
+Those of our readers who are not agriculturists, or political
+economists, cannot understand this reasoning, or, more properly
+speaking, they will not; they are blinded by their own interested
+feelings; they have prejudices which agriculturists have not.
+
+But though Zephaniah Pringle agreed with Mr Kipperson, that the people
+were starving because there was too much corn, and that the corn could
+not find consumers because there were so many people to eat it, yet
+he thought that there were more serious evils in the country yet. He
+thought that those obscure seditious newspapers and vile trumpery
+publications, which nobody reads and which everybody despises, which
+are published by a set of needy miscreants, who spare no expense in
+circulating them all over the kingdom, had corrupted the minds of all
+the people in this once happy land. He thought that the nation was in
+a most prosperous condition, and that nothing was wanting to render it
+more prosperous, than an additional number of bishops, and an increase
+in the numbers of the yeomanry cavalry.
+
+Mr Primrose listened with polite and pleased attention to these
+dextrous and acute politicians, and he thought that his Majesty need
+never be at a loss for a prime minister, or for two, if he wanted
+them, while Zephaniah Pringle and Mr Kipperson should live. But, as Mr
+Primrose was neither an agriculturist, nor a political economist, he
+felt himself a little puzzled to reconcile the apparent contradiction
+which was contained in Mr Kipperson's statement of the agricultural
+grievances. Mr Kipperson was very properly angry with Mr Primrose for
+expressing a doubt on the subject; and the scientific agriculturist
+immediately and satisfactorily explained that all the superfluous
+population was pennyless, and could not pay for the corn which they
+would like to consume. Whereupon Mr Primrose understood that in the
+good old times people were born with money in their pockets.
+
+Zephaniah Pringle almost feared that Mr Primrose was a radical, at
+least he thought he was in the high road to become so, unless he should
+resist that foolish propensity of wishing to understand what he talked
+about.
+
+There might have been at the table of Mr Pringle, rector of Smatterton,
+some diversity of political opinion, as there certainly was, seeing
+that Mr Kipperson was a Whig, and Zephaniah Pringle a Tory; but the
+corn question most cordially united them. How far these gentlemen
+differed in some other points, we have seen already in the matter
+of mechanics' institutes. On this subject Mr Kipperson's hopes were
+rather too sanguine; and perhaps Zephaniah the critic was too nervously
+susceptible, on the other hand, of apprehensions of danger to the
+Protestant succession; for, to his mind, the mechanics' institutes
+had no other ultimate object in view than transubstantiation and
+republicanism.
+
+Concerning gymnastics, the gentlemen also differed. Zephaniah condemned
+them in toto, and so did the rector of Smatterton, in spite of his
+whiggism. Mr Kipperson spoke very learnedly about muscles and tension,
+and proved that bodily exercise was essential to intellectual vigour;
+but he had the candour to acknowledge that he could never persuade his
+men to take gymnastic exercises when their day's work was over; and he
+attributed their ignorance of science to their neglect of gymnastics.
+
+The whole of the conversation, to which we have above alluded, did not
+take place in the hearing of Miss Primrose, nor indeed did one tenth
+part of it; for the fatigue of the journey, together with the agitation
+of her spirits, led her to make an early retreat from the dining-room.
+And the old female servant, who had known Penelope from childhood,
+was delighted in the opportunity of again attending upon her. Fluent
+was the old gentlewoman's speech, and mightily communicative was she
+touching the various changes which had taken place in Smatterton and
+Neverden since the decease of the good Dr Greendale. The kind-hearted
+woman also expressed herself delighted at the return of Miss Primrose
+to Smatterton, inasmuch as there was one person who would be so happy
+to see her again, and that person was Mr Robert Darnley. Penelope
+begged that his name might never be mentioned again in her hearing, and
+thereupon the poor old domestic began to fear that there was some truth
+in the stories that had been talked about in the village concerning
+Miss Primrose and Lord Spoonbill. And when the old servant found that
+she could not talk to her late young mistress concerning love-matters,
+she hastily finished her discourse and left the young lady to retire
+quietly to rest.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+
+The news of Mr Primrose's arrival at Smatterton soon reached the
+rectory at Neverden. Had it not found its way there sooner, Mr
+Zephaniah Pringle would have been the first to communicate the
+intelligence on the following morning. The arrival having been
+announced, was of course expected. And there was much anxiety
+felt on the subject by all the parties concerned: of course more
+especially by Robert Darnley. For in consequence of his letter having
+been unanswered, he had fully determined, in spite of all domestic
+opposition and paternal expostulation, to make a journey to London for
+the purpose of explanation.
+
+The elder Mr Darnley was mightily displeased to hear of the purpose
+which Mr Primrose had in view in coming to Smatterton. To the
+fastidious mind of the rector of Neverden it appeared very indelicate
+for Miss Primrose, after what had taken place, to throw herself in the
+way of Mr Robert Darnley: for in no other light could the rector of
+Neverden regard the meditated settlement of Mr Primrose at Smatterton.
+
+It is a great pity that such a man as Mr Darnley, who had for the most
+part a good understanding and good feelings, should be so obstinate
+in his prejudices and so immoveable in his fancies. He had, for some
+reason or other, taken it into his head that Miss Primrose was proud
+and fantastical and unfeeling; and nothing could bring him to think
+favourably of her. He saw everything that she did or said through the
+deceptive medium of his erroneous apprehension of her character. It was
+a vain attempt to turn him from his humour. He had thoroughly believed
+at the first the calumnious report brought from London by Zephaniah
+Pringle. He had also believed that it was Penelope's own wish, purpose,
+and desire, to adopt the musical profession; and though he had felt
+satisfied that the cessation of the correspondence between his son and
+the young lady had sprung altogether from the caprice of the latter,
+yet he considered that this meditated residence in Smatterton was,
+on the part of Penelope, with a desire of meeting again with Robert
+Darnley.
+
+We have already acknowledged, nor do we wish to retract the
+acknowledgment, that the rector of Neverden was a very conscientious,
+attentive, and upright parish priest; we will give him credit for
+great zeal and activity in the discharge of his pastoral duties; but,
+notwithstanding all this, he was grievously deficient in one part
+of the Christian character, seeing that he had very little of that
+"charity which thinketh no evil." We have seen other good people,
+besides the rector of Neverden, who, fancying themselves models of all
+that is right, and patterns for the rest of the world, have exercised a
+perverse ingenuity in discovering, and an unholy pleasure in displaying
+and condemning, their neighbours' faults, real or imaginary. These
+people imagine that they cannot show a dislike of what is wrong without
+exhibiting a degree of malignity against such as transgress. Now the
+late Dr Greendale, though a man of great purity and integrity, had
+no such feeling as this. He was as candid as he was pure, and his
+gentleness was equal to his integrity. And the people of his parish
+liked him very much for his goodness and gentleness, and so his
+character had a very powerful influence upon them. But Mr Darnley was a
+different kind of man.
+
+When Zephaniah Pringle therefore made his appearance at Neverden,
+and repeated the information which had already been conveyed to the
+rectory, as touching the arrival of Mr and Miss Primrose at Smatterton,
+the Rev. Mr Darnley expressed himself astonished at the indecorum and
+want of feeling which Miss Primrose manifested.
+
+"Mr Pringle, I am quite surprized at this intelligence. Your relative
+at Smatterton has certainly a right to let the parsonage-house if he
+pleases; but I must say that I could wish, for the sake of public
+morals, that it had a more respectable tenant."
+
+Now as Penelope had appeared most truly respectable, and not a
+little fascinating in the eyes of Zephaniah the critic, and as he
+was not quite certain that the rumour which he had been the means of
+circulating was quite founded on fact, and as his doubts were stronger
+after he had seen Penelope and her father, he wished to unsay or
+to soften down what he had said. He therefore replied to the above
+exclamation:
+
+"Why really, sir, I must say that I think Miss Primrose a respectable
+young lady, and it is probable that the report which I heard in town
+may not be perfectly correct. And indeed, as the lady is about to
+reside with her father, it is certainly not true to its full extent."
+
+Mr Darnley was not much in the habit of changing his opinion on matters
+of fact any more than on matters of speculation; and having once felt
+himself persuaded that Miss Primrose had acted improperly, it was no
+easy matter for Mr Pringle to bring him to change the view which he
+had entertained of the young lady's character. Reasoning may be a
+very fine thing, and logic may be a very fine thing, and facts may be
+very stubborn things; but neither reasoning nor logic can make a man
+change his opinion, if he does not like to do so; and there are no
+facts in the world so stubborn as a conceited man's own stubborn will.
+Mr Darnley took it for granted that whatever he took for granted must
+be most incontestably true; and Mr Darnley had taken it for granted
+that Miss Primrose had not demeaned herself aright, and nothing could
+convince him to the contrary. He adhered to the general thought,
+though beaten out of all its particulars. We would not recommend any
+one who has exalted notions of the power of reasoning and the force of
+evidence, to endeavour to convince another of any fact or speculation,
+till that other has shewn symptoms of an inclination to believe such
+fact or to adopt such theory.
+
+It was all in vain that Zephaniah Pringle contended that Miss Primrose
+could not possibly be living dishonorably with Lord Spoonbill in
+London, while she was living quietly and reputably with her father at
+Smatterton. Mr Darnley had made up his mind, and nothing could shake
+his conclusions. Of some heads it is observed, that you can get nothing
+into them; of others it may with as much truth be said, that you can
+get nothing out of them. In this latter predicament was placed the head
+of the rector of Neverden.
+
+When therefore Zephaniah found that no impression was to be made on
+Mr Darnley, he gave up the discussion, not a little regretting that
+he himself had, for the sake of gratifying a little vanity in talking
+about his own intimacy with Lord Spoonbill, done an injury which he
+could not undo. He began also to fear lest he should be detected
+and exposed; and under that apprehension he found himself uneasy at
+Smatterton, and wished that his visit was finished. This served him
+perfectly right. He had made public talk of what had been told to him
+in confidence, and as a secret, and he had circulated a calumnious
+report, careless whether it were true or false, and heedless what
+injury it might inflict upon innocence, or what misery it might
+occasion to those concerned.
+
+Yet this prodigiously conceited puppy could and did in his critical
+lucubrations write himself down as being most zealously devoted to the
+service of religion, and he would make a mighty noise about those most
+execrable and abominable caitiffs, who presume to question one iota of
+the faith according to Queen Elizabeth.
+
+It is hard, very hard, that religion should have to bear the reproach
+of the whims, vagaries, bigotry, and fanaticism of many, who are
+sincere in their profession and honest in their intemperate zeal; but
+it is doubly hard that a set of coxcomical greenhorns, who scarcely
+know the difference between the Bible and the Koran, who cannot tell
+why they believe, and who do not care what they believe, who never
+enter a church, and who never doubt because they never think, it is
+doubly hard that all their impertinent arrogance should be laid to the
+charge of a religion which has never influenced one action of their
+lives, or one thought of their hearts.
+
+Finding that Mr Darnley the elder would not listen to or be influenced
+by any recantation of his calumny, the critic next sought for the young
+gentleman to whom he made known the fact of the arrival of Mr Primrose
+at Smatterton.
+
+During the visit, which the loyal and religious Zephaniah Pringle paid
+at Smatterton, there had been comparatively little intercourse between
+him and Robert Darnley. This was owing to two causes: in the first
+place, Robert Darnley was in low spirits, and had not much intercourse
+with any one; and, in the second place, he had a contempt for puppyism,
+and Zephaniah had wit enough to see that he had.
+
+In the present instance it was an object with Mr Pringle to correct any
+erroneous notion which he might have conveyed to the mind of Mr Robert
+Darnley; he therefore began the conversation.
+
+"I think I must have been in an error when I informed you, as you may
+remember, that Miss Primrose was living with Lord Spoonbill."
+
+"Very likely you were, sir," replied Mr Robert Darnley, somewhat
+abruptly; "but did you not insinuate to me that you had the information
+from Lord Spoonbill himself?"
+
+This question was perplexing to the critic. He had insinuated as
+much, but he had not absolutely said so. Therefore he could not
+promptly reply in the negative, but was forced to make use of a little
+circumlocution, saying:
+
+"Why not exactly so; I did not say that Lord Spoonbill himself told me
+in so many words: I merely--I said---that is--a very intimate friend of
+Spoonbill said, that he thought--that is, he understood that--I believe
+he said that he had reason to suspect that some arrangement was likely
+to be made--"
+
+Thereupon the explanation tapered off into an indistinct muttering
+that was sufficient, if for no other purpose, at least to show that
+Mr Zephaniah Pringle was a sneaking, shuffling, contemptible fellow.
+Robert Darnley was not in the habit of flying into a violent passion
+when he felt contempt for any meanness of character or conduct; if
+such had been his temperament, the present was an occasion, all
+circumstances being considered, strong enough to tempt him to knock a
+fool's head and the wall together. He contented himself with coolly
+saying:
+
+"It is a great pity, sir, that you should have circulated a report of
+that nature before you were quite certain that it was true."
+
+"I am very sorry indeed," replied Zephaniah, "that I was led into
+such an error."
+
+"Well, well," said Robert Darnley, "I dare say it will not be
+productive of any very serious consequence. Nobody who was at all
+acquainted with Miss Primrose could possibly believe the report."
+
+Zephaniah Pringle thought it but poor consolation to be told that he
+was not likely to be believed. He felt himself indeed so thoroughly
+humbled, that he was heartily glad to bring his conference with Robert
+Darnley to a close. The critic very soon said, "Good morning," and
+Robert Darnley returned his "Good morning" in such a tone, and with
+such an air, as to make Zephaniah experience the sensation of being
+looked down upon.
+
+It was a great refreshment and relief to the mind of the younger
+Darnley, to hear that Penelope and her father had arrived at
+Smatterton. He had never believed the calumnious tale of the loyal and
+religious critic, but he certainly did entertain some apprehension
+that assiduous attentions from a person of high rank and large estate
+might produce in time an effect even upon the mind of Penelope. As
+now Mr Primrose had come down expressly to take up his residence at
+Smatterton, and as this was not a time of year for such families as
+that of the Earl of Smatterton to take up their abode in the country,
+there was some ground to hope that, if the young nobleman had even made
+endeavours to gain the affection of Penelope, he had not succeeded.
+
+It was the blessing of Robert Darnley's mind that he had a disposition
+to look on the most favorable aspect of events, and it was not in
+his nature to yield himself up to a slight misunderstanding or
+misapprehension. Many miseries might be avoided if mankind possessed in
+general a little more of that kind of considerateness; but the evil
+is, that they too often take up with any idle tale, and are led by
+the merest and slightest apprehensions into quarrels, coldnesses, and
+loss of friendships: inasmuch, that a quarrel is courteously called a
+misunderstanding, much to the reproach indeed of the misunderstanders;
+for it is thereby intimated that the parties quarrel merely for the
+want of taking the pains to understand one another, or sometimes
+perhaps to understand themselves.
+
+Under the circumstances which belong to this narration, it would
+have been very possible for two simpletons to have made themselves
+completely wretched. And as some people are very glad to be miserable
+for the sake of the pathos and sentimentality thereof, we will tell
+these people, though perhaps they could find it out without our
+assistance, how they might make themselves truly wretched under similar
+circumstances.
+
+To gain this desirable end, the gentleman and the lady should have
+despaired of meeting each other again, and should have carefully
+avoided everything that might lead to an explanation, and they should,
+while very much in love with each other, have made all possible haste
+to give their hands to another. They ought to have married, as it
+were, out of spite, and then after marriage they ought to have met by
+accident, and to have explained; and then they ought to have compared
+notes, and to have made it out that one had the worst husband, and
+the other the worst wife, in the world; and then they would have had
+nothing more to do than to have made a very pretty tragical conclusion
+of the business, either giving employment to, what the newspapers call,
+the gentlemen of the long robe, or, more seriously still, causing the
+calling together of a coroner's jury.
+
+It was well for Robert Darnley that such was not his disposition. He
+thought it much the best to ascertain, if he possibly could, what
+were Penelope's real sentiments; and for that purpose he had already
+spoken to her father, and, as no result had come from speaking, he
+had written; and if his letter had not been soon answered, or if Mr
+Primrose had not arrived at Smatterton, he would have visited the party
+in London.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+
+The arrival of Mr Primrose and Penelope at Smatterton gave trouble and
+disturbance to many minds there, and at Neverden. We shall be fortunate
+if, without tediousness, we can explain this.
+
+Zephaniah Pringle was troubled, because he laboured under the
+apprehension that some kind friend or other might communicate to the
+father what had been said of the daughter. And Zephaniah very naturally
+thought that the young lady's father would resent the insult very much
+to the inconvenience, bodily or mental, of the said loyal and religious
+critic.
+
+The elder Mr Darnley was troubled, as we have already intimated, lest
+this arrival should again unsettle the mind of his son. Mrs Darnley
+also thought it was a pity, now Robert had so nearly recovered his
+spirits, that there should be any probability of his being again
+disturbed. Miss Mary Darnley, who, by frequent literary and scientific
+discussions with the learned and scientific Mr Kipperson, had become
+a great admirer of the gentleman, was jealous of the presence of Miss
+Primrose again in the country. The two other young ladies, who did not
+like to hear their father preach, except in the pulpit, were troubled
+with the apprehension of long lectures on the impropriety of being
+improperly in love.
+
+Mr Kipperson also had his troubles; for though it would have given him
+great pleasure to have gained the heart of Miss Primrose, he thought
+he saw several formidable rivals among gentlemen of more suitable age.
+But Mr Kipperson had too much self-love to suffer much from love of any
+other description. Robert Darnley was troubled and perplexed, though
+very much pleased. He now saw that he should have an opportunity of
+ascertaining the truth: but in either case there was an evil. For if
+Penelope still retained a regard for him, there was yet to be dreaded
+the opposition of his father; and if she did not, the change would be
+painful to him.
+
+But the greatest trouble was at Neverden Hall. There was residing under
+the roof of Sir George Aimwell a young lady, who had been consigned
+to the care of the worthy baronet. The name of this lady was Arabella
+Glossop. She had very recently been sent to Neverden by her careful
+father, in order that time, absence, and change of scene, might
+eradicate from her mind an unfortunate attachment which she had formed
+for a pennyless lieutenant.
+
+Here we cannot but suggest to our legislators an improvement, which
+might and ought to be made in our military code. It is melancholy
+to think how many instances have occurred of men of low family and
+no fortune winning the hearts of young ladies of high birth, of
+respectable connexions, and of good fortune. This might be prevented by
+a law, making it felony for a military officer without fortune to fall
+in love with a lady of good family.
+
+Miss Glossop was not indeed of high family; but she was the daughter of
+a gentleman whose family had with great diligence been pushing itself
+up into consideration and importance. The mortification of anything
+like a humiliating connexion was so much the greater. Mr Glossop, the
+young lady's father, was an eminent solicitor in a small but genteel
+town, and had married a distant relation of Sir George Aimwell. Of this
+connexion Mr Glossop was naturally proud; and he made the most of it.
+
+In the town where he lived was a theatre; and the company which
+performed there was pronounced by such London performers as
+occasionally lent their mighty selves for provincial exhibition, to
+be one of the best provincial companies they had ever performed
+with. When an actor from London made his appearance on the stage,
+Miss Glossop honored the theatre with her presence. Greatly did the
+young lady surprize the natives by her studied inattention to what was
+passing on the stage. It was to her a mighty amusement to laugh and
+talk aloud, especially during those passages of the performance which
+were most interesting to the rest of the audience. By such means did
+Miss Glossop manifest her own importance and superiority. This kind
+of public rudeness passed with the ignorant people in the country for
+elegance and fashion.
+
+The young lady was in error in this respect. But not only was she wrong
+in her calculations in this point. Many other blunders did she make.
+For being very pretty, she thought herself handsome; and being tall,
+she thought herself elegant; and being acquainted with many books, she
+thought herself learned; and having a full, clear, comprehensive voice,
+she thought herself a beautiful singer; and being able to perform at
+sight very complicated pieces of music, she apprehended that she was an
+excellent musician; and being rude and blunt in her manner of speaking,
+she thought herself a person of great intellectual superiority; and
+from being very much stared at, she took it for granted that she was
+very much admired.
+
+Now this lady did not apprehend that there was any individual in the
+compass of her provincial acquaintance worthy to aspire to the honor
+of her hand; and she was in the habit of giving herself such arrogant
+and domineering airs at the country balls, that a facetiously inclined
+young gentleman once actually contrived in the advertisement announcing
+these balls, to have the name of Arabella Glossop, Esq., printed as one
+of the stewards. The circumstance caused a great deal of talk at the
+time; but it is now totally forgotten, or at least very seldom alluded
+to. The printer of the paper was forced to tell a great many lies to
+save himself from serious inconvenience.
+
+At one of these country balls there happened to be a lieutenant who was
+quartered in that neighbourhood, and was a person of exceedingly good
+address, and also of good understanding, except that he was so very
+desirous of obtaining a fortune, that, for the sake of money, he would
+willingly have married Miss Glossop. He had heard reports of the lady's
+fortune, and these reports were of course exaggerated. He paid the
+usual attentions, and was so far successful that, had it not been for
+some untoward accident, Mr Glossop's ambition of matching his daughter
+with some gentleman of fortune and consideration in the county, would
+have been frustrated by a poor lieutenant.
+
+As soon as the unfortunate attachment was made known to the father, he
+put himself with all suitable speed into a most towering passion; he
+banged all the doors, thumped all the tables, kicked all the chairs,
+and, but for the interference of Mrs Glossop, would have broken all
+the crockery in the house, because his daughter would not listen to
+reason. The young lady was locked up; but the young lady grew sulky,
+and thought that her dear lieutenant was the most charming creature in
+the world, because her father was in a violent passion. And the more
+angry was Mr Glossop, the more deeply in love was Miss Glossop.
+
+We have said that the young lady was locked up. Now Arabella did not
+like this discipline, and she seriously threatened her inexorable
+paa, that if she was not suffered to have her own way, she would
+either starve herself to death, or go mad. This last idea was no doubt
+suggested by a pathetic passage in one of Oliver Goldsmith's poems,
+wherein he says:
+
+  "The dog to gain his private ends
+  Went mad."----
+
+Whatever apprehensions Mr Glossop might entertain concerning his
+daughter's madness, he certainly had some slight idea that he himself
+might be driven mad by the young lady's perverseness and obstinacy.
+Therefore he adopted the very wise and prudent precaution, in such
+cases made and provided, of sending the lovely and loving Arabella to
+his worthy friend and relative, Sir George Aimwell, Bart.
+
+Mr Glossop wisely thought that absence and change of scene might
+produce a beneficial change in his daughter's mind. The worthy baronet
+was pleased with the charge; for as the shooting season was nearly
+over, and as he had suffered very bitterly from the encroachments of
+the poachers, and as the transgressing ones had made their escape, he
+was glad of anything that promised him a little amusement. Arabella had
+always been a favorite with the baronet on account of her high spirit,
+and when he heard of the nature of the complaint which rendered change
+of air desirable, he very readily undertook the charge, thinking that
+a better remedy was within reach, and that Robert Darnley might very
+probably banish from the mind of his young kinswoman all thoughts of
+the poor lieutenant.
+
+Nor did the baronet judge unwisely. For, as soon as the lady had taken
+up her abode at Neverden Hall, her spirits revived, and her wit and
+humour were all alive again, and her love of admiration was as strong
+as ever, and she very soon pronounced Robert Darnley to be a charming
+young fellow. The worthy baronet was pleased with such good symptoms,
+and had written word to her father accordingly. To a match of this
+nature Mr Glossop had no very great objection. The Darnleys were of
+good family, and the young man was likely to have a good property.
+Perhaps, Mr Glossop would have preferred an union with the family of
+the Earl of Smatterton; but at all events the Darnleys were better than
+poor lieutenants.
+
+The circumstance of Arabella Glossop being placed under the care of
+Sir George Aimwell, had rendered the intercourse between the hall and
+the rectory rather more frequent than usual; and the baronet had of
+course been made acquainted with the fact of Robert Darnley's former
+engagement to Miss Primrose. When, therefore, Penelope and her father
+made their appearance at Smatterton again, and thus gave a virtual
+contradiction to the calumnious report which Mr Zephaniah Pringle had
+circulated, Sir George began to be apprehensive that his schemes with
+regard to the son of the rector of Neverden were very likely to fail.
+
+We have now explained according to the best of our ability, and in
+as few words as distinctness would permit us to use, the varied
+perplexities occasioned by the apparently simple fact of Mr Primrose
+and his daughter taking up their abode at Smatterton rectory. Oh! how
+complicated are the interests of humanity, and what mighty changes
+are made in the history of the world and the destiny of nations by
+movements apparently trifling and of no moment. Common people do not
+observe these things; it is only such wise people, gentle reader, as
+you and I and Tacitus, that can take a philosophical and comprehensive
+view of the history of man. But we must economise our wisdom, or it
+will not hold out. Therefore let us proceed with our history.
+
+The letter which Robert Darnley had written to Mr Primrose, and which
+the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill had fruitlessly fumbled and tumbled
+to ascertain the contents thereof, found its way at last into the hands
+for which it was by its writer originally destined. It was brought to
+Smatterton, as usual, by Nick Muggins.
+
+Nick was a poor lad and a somewhat simple one, though not altogether
+lacking craftiness. He was not so rich as an archdeacon, but he had not
+quite determined that he was too poor to keep a conscience; therefore
+he had not entirely given it up for a bad job. He kept a pony--he was
+almost forced to do so--but he kept his pony very scantily and worked
+it hardly, and the beast was at best but a queer kind of animal. It
+would have been a riddle to Buffon, and a treasure to Sir Joseph Banks.
+Nick's conscience was kept about as scurvily as his pony, and was much
+such another nondescript; but, like his pony, it answered his purpose
+as well as a better; it was kicked, cuffed, and buffeted about, but
+still it was a conscience.
+
+Now this conscience, such as it was, smote poor Muggins right heartily
+when he delivered into the fair hands of Penelope Primrose a letter for
+her father. The poor lad recollected that he had, at Lord Spoonbill's
+expense, drunk several more quarts of strong beer and glasses of gin
+than would otherwise have fallen to his lot, and that he had obtained
+these extra luxuries by putting into the hands of his lordship those
+letters which he ought to have delivered to Penelope Primrose.
+
+When Penelope left Smatterton, and was residing in London, Nick thought
+little or nothing concerning his treachery. But now she had returned
+to the country again, and he had seen her, and she had spoken to him
+kindly and civilly, and had condescended to make enquiries after his
+poor old mother, his heart melted within him, and he could hardly speak
+to her. It was very kind of her to come out and speak to him, there was
+not one young lady in a hundred who would have condescended so much.
+Poor Muggins could not think what had bewitched him to play the traitor
+to so beautiful, so elegant, and so sweet-tempered a young lady as Miss
+Primrose; for Nick had a notion of elegance and beauty, though, to look
+at himself and his pony, one would hardly have imagined it.
+
+That was a curious refinement in Nick's conscience, that he should
+reproach himself so much the more bitterly for his transgression,
+because the person whom he had injured was beautiful and
+sweet-tempered. Perhaps he would have thought less of the matter had
+Miss Primrose been a little, under-sized, snub-nosed, cross-grained
+old maid. But that is a very dangerous and wicked mode of reasoning,
+and wiser people than Nick Muggins are guilty of it; let such persons
+be told that under-sized, snub-nosed, cross-grained old maids have as
+much feeling as the rest of the world, and are as much entitled to the
+advantages and protection of the laws of humanity as the young, and the
+lovely, and the amiable.
+
+Be this as it may, still the ungainly post-boy felt rather awkwardly
+and looked foolishly when he thus encountered the unexpected appearance
+and condescension of Penelope Primrose. And when he returned home
+to his mother's cottage, he could not help acknowledging to her his
+transgressions, and speaking of the remorse that he felt.
+
+The old woman however thought and said, that what was done could not be
+undone, and that he had better be more cautious another time, and that
+mayhap it might not be a matter of much consequence; just a love affair
+like, or some sich stuff; and she concluded by telling him never to
+take money out of letters for fear of being hanged.
+
+"But I am so sorry, mother," said Nick, "you can't think what
+a nice, kind young lady Miss Primrose is."
+
+"Ay, ay," said Mrs Muggins, in reply, "and so is my Lord Spoonbill a
+very nice young gentleman. Never mind now, only don't do so again. And
+what's the use of your telling Miss Primrose anything about it?"
+
+"Oh why, because somehow I think it was such a pity like. She is so
+pretty."
+
+"Nonsense, boy; Lord Spoonbill is a person of much greater consequence
+than a dozen pretty Miss Primroses. I am sure he is as nice a man as
+ever lived."
+
+Nick muttered something about Lord Spoonbill's large whiskers, and the
+colloquy ceased; but Nick was fidgetty still.
+
+The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill suffered much uneasiness, and would,
+had he known what was passing in the mind of Nick Muggins, have
+suffered much more. But our business is now with the good people at
+Smatterton and Neverden, and we must therefore leave his lordship to
+bear his troubles by himself as well as he can.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+
+On the Sunday after their arrival, Mr Primrose and his daughter made
+their appearance at church, and the people of the village stared at
+them of course. The rector of Smatterton preached one of his best
+sermons, and in his best style. The eloquence was lost upon all his
+audience, except Mr Primrose and his daughter; they attended to the
+preacher, and the rest of the congregation attended to them.
+
+When the service was over, Penelope took her father to look at the
+monument which had been raised in the churchyard to the memory of Dr
+Greendale. It was a very handsome monument, and had been put up at the
+expense of the Earl of Smatterton. There was a very long and elaborate
+eulogium on the deceased, which had been drawn up, it is supposed,
+by Mr Darnley, but subsequently corrected and altered by the Earl of
+Smatterton in the first instance, and in the next by the stone-mason.
+
+Mr Primrose had been so long out of England that, for aught he knew to
+the contrary, it might be the fashion now to write nonsense on grave
+stones. There was however a kind intention, and Mr Primrose was pleased
+with it. While the father and daughter were thus mournfully enjoying
+the contemplation of this memorial of their deceased relative's
+virtues, the great boys and girls of the village who had been in the
+habit of bowing and curtseying to Penelope, and who remembered that
+their homage had been graciously received while she lived there under
+her uncle's roof, now thronged almost rudely round them, as if with a
+view of attracting the lady's notice.
+
+For a little while Penelope was too much taken up to notice them;
+but when her curiosity had been gratified, and her feelings had been
+indulged by a few gentle and stainless tears shed to the memory of her
+departed benefactor, she turned round and took particular notice of
+such as she remembered. She asked them such questions as occurred to
+her concerning their respective families and occupations, and she heard
+many an old story repeated concerning the aged and infirm. Enquiries
+were made by Penelope after grandfathers and grandmothers, and in one
+or two instances of great grandmothers. These enquiries were copiously
+or sheepishly answered, according to the several tastes and habits of
+the persons answering them.
+
+There was one little girl in the group whose face Penelope did not
+recollect. The child looked very earnestly at her, and seemed several
+times as if about to make an effort to speak, but awe held her back.
+With her, and as if urging her on to speak, was another and greater
+girl. And the greater girl moved the little one towards Miss Primrose,
+and the poor little girl coloured up to the eyes; but she had gone too
+far to retract, and she was emboldened at last by Penelope's kind looks
+to make a very pretty curtsey and say, "Please Miss--"
+
+The poor thing could get no farther, till Penelope relieved her
+embarrassment by taking hold of her hand and saying, "Well, my dear,
+what have you to say to me? I have no recollection that I have ever
+seen you before. How long have you lived at Smatterton?"
+
+Then the little one was emboldened to speak, and she told Penelope that
+she had but recently come there, and that she had taken the liberty to
+speak, because she had some few weeks ago picked up a letter directed
+to Miss Primrose.
+
+Hereupon the girl drew from her pocket a handkerchief which was
+carefully folded up, and when with great ceremony the handkerchief was
+unfolded, a letter made its appearance, which did not seem to have
+required much careful enveloping to keep it clean. It was miserably
+dirty, and the direction was barely visible. Penelope wondered indeed
+that the child had been able to make out the inscription, so far as
+to ascertain to whom it was addressed; but the hand-writing was so
+manifestly Robert Darnley's, that the young lady felt too much emotion
+and too eager a curiosity to wait to ask any farther particulars of the
+mode, place and time in which the letter was found. Only waiting to ask
+the child her name and place of abode, and to make such acknowledgment
+as is expected in such cases, Penelope hastened home full of contending
+and harassing thoughts, unable to form the slightest conjecture of a
+satisfactory nature concerning this strange occurrence.
+
+Now this letter, together with that which Robert Darnley had written
+to Mr Primrose, and which Mr Primrose gave to his daughter for her
+perusal, set the question completely at rest in the mind of Penelope,
+and assured her that the young gentleman had not by any neglect
+designed to break off the correspondence.
+
+But when one difficulty was removed, another started up in its place.
+There was something very remarkable in a letter being dropped out of
+the bag; but though it was barely possible that such mishap might have
+befallen one letter, it was by no means a supposable case that several
+letters in succession passing between the same persons should all have
+met with the same accident. In the interruption of these letters there
+was clearly design and intention; but what was the design, or who was
+the designer, Penelope could not conjecture. Her suspicions could not
+find an object to rest upon; she was not aware of having any enemies,
+and of course she could not imagine that any one but an enemy could
+have behaved so cruelly. She concluded, therefore, as far as in such
+a case any conclusion could be made, that the interruption of the
+correspondence must have been effected by some enemy of Robert Darnley.
+
+It was not very pleasant to have the idea of some concealed and
+unascertained enemy, but there was something gratifying to Penelope in
+having discovered that verily the cessation of the correspondence had
+not been voluntary on the part of her lover. Therefore, as it appeared
+from the letter which had been picked up that the young gentleman had
+not ceased to write, even after he had some ground to fear that the
+correspondence was discontinued by the young lady, and as it was also
+manifest from the letter addressed to Mr Primrose, that Robert Darnley
+was still desirous of an explanation of the young lady's silence,
+Penelope could not any longer resist her father's proposal that he
+should write to the young gentleman.
+
+The answer was accordingly sent to Robert Darnley, and the explanation
+which he sought was amply and fully given. He was also as much puzzled
+as the young lady was at the circumstance of the letter being picked
+up, and his conjectures found no resting place. His immediate impulse
+was to make direct enquiry of the post-boy, and to extort from him, if
+possible, some account of the very remarkable fact of a correspondence
+actually suppressed by the failure of three letters in succession.
+
+But there was a more interesting matter yet to attend to, and that
+was the meeting with Penelope after a long absence and an interrupted
+correspondence. Robert Darnley knew his father's temperament, and felt
+a difficulty in mentioning the subject to him, but still he could not
+think of renewing the acquaintance with a view to marriage, without
+explicitly informing his father of the intention.
+
+Mr Primrose and his daughter had now been at Smatterton a few days, and
+as the two villages were so remarkably intimate with each other, it
+was impossible for anything to take place in the one without its being
+known in the other. The arrival of the parties had been made known,
+as we have seen, at the rectory of Neverden, and apprehensions were
+entertained by the daughters of Mr Darnley that their father would be
+grievously liberal of his wise exhortations to his yet enamoured son.
+And when two or three days had passed away, and not a word of public
+notice had been taken of the fact in the family of the rector, the
+young ladies began to please themselves with the hope that no notice
+would be taken of the matter, and they trusted that some circumstance
+or other might remove Penelope again, and finally, from Smatterton;
+or, as they thought it not unlikely, their brother might soon fix his
+affections elsewhere.
+
+It was very clear to the young ladies that Miss Glossop,
+notwithstanding her recent disappointment, was something of an admirer
+of their brother; and it was obvious that Sir George Aimwell was
+desirous of cultivating an acquaintance between the parties. The
+worthy baronet was unusually eloquent in praising Miss Glossop, and
+mightily ingenious in discovering innumerable, and to other eyes
+undiscernible, good qualities in his fair kinswoman. But though Sir
+George was a magistrate and a game preserver, he was no conjurer. He
+was not aware that there could exist any diversities of taste; but he
+seemed to imagine that those qualities which were agreeable to himself
+must be agreeable to everybody else; and when he was descanting on the
+multitudinous excellences of Miss Glossop, and describing her to Robert
+Darnley as possessing every possible and impossible virtue, he did not
+see that the young man's mind was of a complexion widely different from
+his own. It was not therefore to this young lady that the daughters of
+the rector of Neverden looked forward as the person likely to liberate
+them from Miss Primrose.
+
+Their hope was altogether of an undefined nature. They merely hoped and
+trusted that something would occur to relieve them from their present
+uncomfortable condition. This undefined hope is, perhaps, after all the
+best that we can entertain. It may appear not very rational, but we
+have a notion that in serious truth it is a great deal more rational
+than that hope which seems to have a foundation in something probable:
+for it is in the very nature and condition of earthly events, that
+they almost invariably disappoint expectation and miserably mock our
+sagacity. If therefore our hopes be of something definite, they will
+be almost assuredly disappointed; but if we only hope generally and
+indefinitely that something, we know not what, may occur to remove the
+cause of our troubles, we may have a much better chance that we shall
+not be disappointed. The chances in our favor are thus indefinitely
+multiplied.
+
+The hope of the young ladies, that nothing would be said about Miss
+Primrose because nothing had been said about her for several days,
+was disappointed on the very morning that Mr Primrose sent his answer
+to Robert Darnley, explaining the cause of the suspension of the
+correspondence. The note from Mr Primrose was brought to Neverden by
+the trusty servant and universal genius who performed at Smatterton
+rectory the various duties of footman, groom, gardener, butler,
+stable-boy, and porter.
+
+Mr Darnley, whose eyes were ever vigilant, no sooner saw the messenger
+than he conjectured what was the object of his coming; that is, he so
+far conjectured as to form an idea that the note was with reference
+to Miss Primrose. When therefore the reverend gentleman heard that a
+note was actually brought from Smatterton rectory, and addressed to Mr
+Robert Darnley, the feeling of curiosity was strongly excited to know
+what was the object of the said note. But, to say nothing of curiosity,
+the elder Mr Darnley felt that it was his duty to be acquainted with
+all correspondence carried on with persons under his roof, especially
+with members of his own family.
+
+Impelled then by a double motive--the power of curiosity and a sense of
+duty--the rector of Neverden very peremptorily commanded the attendance
+of his son in the study. The command was as promptly obeyed as it had
+been authoritatively given.
+
+"You have had a note from Smatterton this morning?" said the father.
+
+"I have, sir," replied the son steadily, but respectfully.
+
+"And may I be permitted to know the contents of that communication?"
+
+"Most assuredly, sir," replied the young gentleman: "I intended to
+acquaint you with its contents as soon as I had read it."
+
+Robert Darnley then handed the paper to his father, who perused it
+with eager haste and anxious excitement. Rapidly however as the rector
+read the communication, he discerned two facts which made him angry,
+and, as he said, astonished. We have observed that the astonishment
+rests upon the testimony only of Mr Darnley's own saying; and we
+have made that observation, because we think that Mr Darnley was not
+strictly correct in his assertion: we do not believe that Mr Darnley
+was at all astonished at those facts. He was no doubt angry when
+he discovered that his son had written to Mr Primrose; and there is
+nothing incredible in the idea that he was angry at the anticipation of
+a renewal of the acquaintance between his son and Miss Primrose. But he
+was not astonished at these things, and he ought not to have said that
+he was. It is however a very common practice, for the sake of giving
+pathos and effect to moral exhortation or expostulation, to express an
+astonishment which is not felt. This is a species of lying, and Mrs
+Opie would certainly set it down as such.
+
+Mr Darnley not only said that he was astonished, but absolutely
+affected to look astonished. But that dramatic species of visual
+rebuke was by no means adapted to produce an impression on Mr Darnley
+the younger; and had the trick been played off by any one else than a
+parent, the young gentleman would certainly have laughed. It has been
+often observed, that children are much more knowing than is generally
+supposed, and the same observation may be applied to children of a
+larger growth. But parents cannot well help considering their children
+as always children.
+
+"And so," said the rector of Neverden, "you have actually had the
+folly to write to Mr Primrose, and to endeavour to renew an acquaintance
+which was clearly and positively broken off by Miss Primrose herself?"
+
+"I think, sir," responded with much gentleness the rector's son,
+"that, if you read this note attentively, you will see that Miss
+Primrose did not positively break the acquaintance, but that by some
+means, as yet unknown, the letters which should have passed between us
+were intercepted. Proof of that is given in the singular circumstance,
+that the last letter which I wrote to Smatterton from India was the
+other day picked up by a child."
+
+Mr Darnley smiled a smile of incredulity and compassionate
+condescension.
+
+"Foolish boy," said he, "and can you suffer yourself to be so easily
+deceived as to believe this story?"
+
+"Surely you will not go so far as to say that Miss Primrose would
+descend to the meanness of asserting an untruth."
+
+"I am asserting nothing concerning Miss Primrose. This note is not
+her's, it is her father's; and I do know that Mr Primrose can use
+profane language; I have heard him. And would such a man hesitate at
+untruth for the sake of an establishment for his daughter? Besides what
+can be more clear than that, now the negotiation with Lord Spoonbill is
+broken off, they are very willing to apply to you again."
+
+There is great power in imagination. Mr Darnley had taken it into
+his head that Penelope had really been simple enough to admire Lord
+Spoonbill, and vain enough to aspire to title on the strength of
+personal beauty. She was what is commonly called a fine young woman,
+and there was in her deportment, especially in the season of health and
+spirits, while her uncle lived, a certain constitutional magnificence
+of manner which might easily bear the name of pride and haughtiness.
+Now as Mr Darnley was himself a proud man, he did not like pride;
+and there is nothing at all paradoxical or inconsistent in this. It
+is perfectly natural that those who feel a pleasure in looking down
+on others and being looked up to, should not be pleased with such as
+indulge them not in their favourite occupation.
+
+There had not indeed ever been in the behaviour of Penelope towards
+Mr Darnley anything actually disrespectful; but Mr Darnley could see
+that her spirit was high and essentially unsubmissive. He had therefore
+always called her proud; and as soon as any suspicion arose of the
+withdrawing of her affections from Robert Darnley, immediately the
+father concluded that this change was owing to the young lady's pride
+aspiring to the hand of Lord Spoonbill; and when she went to London
+to the Countess, then his suspicion seemed corroborated; and when
+she returned to Smatterton, and when Mr Primrose sent the note in
+question to Neverden, then did Mr Darnley feel himself assured that the
+young lady had been disappointed in her calculations concerning Lord
+Spoonbill, and that now she repented her folly in renouncing the hand
+of Robert Darnley, and wished to recall the affection which she had
+spurned.
+
+Under such persuasion, from which not all the logic in the world could
+move him, he smiled at the credulity and the weakness of the young man,
+while the young man was equally astonished and grieved at the immovable
+obstinacy of his father. Such cases sometimes occur, and perplexing are
+they when they do occur, in which a son bearing all possible respect
+towards a father feels himself yet justified in the court of his own
+conscience in acting contrary to his father's will. Thus situated was
+the son of the rector of Neverden. He found that it would be in vain
+to use any arguments, and he was firm in his intention of taking the
+earliest opportunity of acknowledging the receipt of Mr Primrose's
+letter, and of expressing his full determination to renew the
+acquaintance with Penelope. So far was the young man from participating
+in his father's suspicions, that the very arguments which the father
+had used, and the particulars which he had stated, did but strengthen
+his own opinion of the purity and correctness of the young lady's
+conduct; and when he considered the circumstances under which she had
+been placed, he felt a degree of pity for her, and he pitied her also
+that she laboured under those untoward and unfounded suspicions which
+had been excited by the idle tongue of Zephaniah Pringle.
+
+It became in fact to Robert Darnley a matter of conscience to rectify
+all misunderstandings as early as possible. Without therefore affecting
+to enter into any elaborate discussion with his father, he merely
+replied to what had been said: "I cannot say that I view this affair
+in the same light that you do, sir; and I am satisfied that if you had
+a knowledge of all the facts, you would not have reason to blame Miss
+Primrose. I will not pretend to argue with you, or to presume to put
+my knowledge of the world in competition with yours. But I must take
+the liberty to say firmly, though respectfully, that it is my intention
+to see Mr and Miss Primrose, and if I find that Penelope is still the
+same amiable and pure-minded young woman as she was when I first made
+her an offer of my hand, I will repeat that offer; and I am convinced
+your prejudice will wear off, if not by my arguments, at least they
+will give way to the young lady's real excellence of character."
+
+Mr Darnley was not accustomed to be contradicted. Neither his wife
+nor his daughters ever disputed his will, or affected to oppose their
+logic to his determinations. Of his son's obedience and gentleness of
+disposition he had always entertained the highest opinion, and with
+reason: but he forgot that everything has its limits, and there is a
+point beyond which compliance and obedience cannot go. If Mr Darnley
+had said at the close of his son's last speech, "I am astonished,"
+he would have spoken truly. He was indeed astonished, but he was
+not frightened out of his propriety; he was rather frightened into
+propriety.
+
+For a few seconds he was absolutely speechless and almost breathless.
+But soon respiration returned, and the power of speech returned
+with it; and his momentary gasp of astonishment gave him time for
+consideration. He considered in that brief interval that he had no more
+power over his son than his son chose to give him, and he thought it a
+pity to endanger his influence by attempting to retain his authority.
+Subduing himself, he replied:
+
+"If you will be obstinate there is no help for it. But I could wish
+that you would listen to reason."
+
+Thus speaking, Mr Darnley left the apartment, angry but endeavouring to
+keep himself calm.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+
+Mr Darnley's study overlooked the avenue which led to the house. For a
+study it was not well situated, inasmuch as it was next to impossible
+for any one but a person of great powers of abstraction to keep himself
+free from interruption. The situation however was very well adapted to
+the humour of the rector of Neverden; for thus he could observe every
+one who approached the house, and exercise a continual superintendance
+over his establishment, seeing that no one could enter or leave the
+house without his knowledge.
+
+At the study window Robert Darnley took his station, looking listlessly
+towards the road that passed the end of the avenue and led towards
+the village of Smatterton. Turning a little towards the left hand he
+could see at a very short distance the magnificent towers of Smatterton
+castle and the smart gilt weathercock of Smatterton church. The young
+man was beginning to grow sentimental and melancholy; but soon his
+thoughts were diverted from sentimentality by the appearance of Nick
+Muggins and his pony fumbling their clumsy entrance at the great white
+gate that opened into the road. Better riders than Nick are sometimes
+puzzled at opening a heavy swing gate on horseback; but Nick would
+always manage it without dismounting, if he had to make twenty efforts
+for it.
+
+Nick was certainly a picturesque, though by no means a poetical object;
+and his appearance dispersed the gathering cloud of lackadaisicalness
+which was just threatening Robert Darnley with a fit of melancholy.
+Other thoughts, though bearing on the same object, now took possession
+of him; and as he was very straitforward and prompt in whatever
+occurred to him, he immediately resolved to question the boy concerning
+the lost letters.
+
+For this purpose, without waiting for the arrival of the letter-carrier
+at the house-door, Robert Darnley went partly down the avenue to meet
+him. Nick made one of his best bows, and grinned his compliments
+to the young gentleman on his arrival in England; for this was the
+first meeting of the parties since the rector's son arrived at home.
+Robert Darnley was not a man of compliments; he proceeded directly to
+business. Producing from his pocket the letter which had been picked up
+by the little girl, he held it out to the lad, saying:
+
+"Muggins, can you give any account of this letter; it was picked up in
+the road the other day; do you ever drop the letters out of the bag?"
+
+Muggins, who was as cunning a rogue as many of his betters, concealed
+his conviction and shame as well as might be, and took the letter into
+his hand with much simplicity of look, and gazed upon it for a while
+with "lack-lustre eye;" not that he had any great need to examine the
+letter in order to answer the question, but thereby he gained time to
+meditate a lie of some kind or other. After looking at it for a few
+moments he handed it back to Robert Darnley, and said:
+
+"Please, sir, I can't make out the 'rection of it."
+
+That might be true, but it was not much of an answer to the question
+which was proposed to him.
+
+"The direction of the letter," answered Darnley, "is to Miss Primrose
+at Smatterton. Now do you remember ever losing a letter that should
+have been delivered at the rectory at Smatterton?"
+
+Nick Muggins, we have related, was so melted by the condescending
+kindness of Penelope Primrose, that his heart smote him sorely for
+his unfaithfulness to his trust, and he was on the very verge of a
+confession of his iniquity; but then Penelope was not likely to
+horsewhip him, whereas there did appear to the sagacious mind of the
+treacherous letter-carrier some possibility of such operation being
+performed by the more vigorous arm of Robert Darnley; and as such a
+catastrophe must be exceedingly unpleasant to a man of any feeling,
+Nick resolved to use his utmost sagacity to avoid it. The question
+therefore, which was last proposed, he answered thus:
+
+"I've took a great many letters to Smatterton parsonage, sir, and I
+don't never remember losen none as I took there."
+
+Here again was an equivocation worthy of the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill himself. Robert Darnley thought that Nick Muggins was a fool,
+but Nick was not such a fool as he looked. He had prodigiously fine
+diplomatic talents, but 'Full many a flower, &c.' as the poet says.
+
+All the questions and cross-questionings of the son of the rector of
+Neverden could not extort from the carrier of the Smatterton and
+Neverden letter-bags any information leading to the discovery of the
+circumstances to which the interruption of the correspondence might
+be attributed. In despair of ascertaining anything, Robert Darnley
+ceased his interrogations, and the uncouth rider of the indescribable
+beast then handed to his interrogator his share of the contents of the
+letter-bag. It was only one letter, and the superscription was in an
+unknown hand.
+
+The young gentleman opened the letter with great eagerness of
+curiosity, and looking to the end of it he found that it was anonymous.
+He endeavoured to read and comprehend the whole by one glance, but it
+did not betray its meaning so obviously; he was therefore under the
+necessity of reading it regularly line by line. We are not much in the
+habit of printing letters--we think it a breach of confidence; but, as
+the present is anonymous, we venture to give it:
+
+"A sincere well-wisher to Mr Robert Darnley, though a total stranger,
+or nearly so, wishes to caution an unsuspicious and generous mind
+against a deep-laid plot, which has for its object to entrap Mr D.
+into a marriage, which will bring with it poverty and disgrace. It may
+not be altogether unknown to Mr D. that a certain gentleman, who shall
+be nameless, once ruined a handsome fortune by gaming. This gentleman
+now professes to have repaired his shattered fortunes, and to have
+forsaken entirely his vicious habit. But this is mere pretence. Nearly
+the whole of that which he acquired abroad, he has in a short time lost
+by gambling at home; and now he gives out that his loss arises from
+the stoppage of a banking-house in town. Concerning the character of
+a young lady nearly related to the gentleman above alluded to, Mr D.
+would do well to make the strictest inquiry before he ventures on the
+irretrievable step of marriage. Mr D. ought to ascertain why Smatterton
+is chosen for her residence. The ---- family is not residing at the
+castle, but it is possible that an individual of that family may find a
+pretence for an incognito visit there. A word to the wise is enough."
+
+A letter such as this was almost too much for Robert Darnley. He
+was honest, candid, and unsuspicious; but even in such minds as his
+jealousy may be excited, and the above letter very nearly answered the
+purpose.
+
+Instead of going directly to Smatterton, according to his first
+intention, he returned to the house, and read over and over again this
+mysterious and anonymous epistle. But there was nothing in it which
+could afford him the slightest information as to the source from whence
+it came, or the motive with which it could have been written.
+
+It was peculiarly mortifying, after the magnanimous, prompt, and
+decided avowal which he had made to his father, of his intention of
+renewing his acquaintance with Miss Primrose, that he should meet with
+this painful and perplexing interruption. He began to wish that he
+had not been quite so positive. He supposed that of course his father
+took it for granted that the threatened visit to Smatterton would
+be paid that very morning. And he had dreaded meeting the family at
+dinner, should the visit have been paid; but still greater would be his
+mortification to meet his father again and be forced to acknowledge
+that he had not been to Smatterton. It would be but natural to ask if
+he had been there, and quite as natural to ask why he had not.
+
+The answer to these enquiries would involve the young gentleman in a
+dilemma, to extricate himself from which would require the talents
+of a Muggins, or a Spoonbill. But Robert Darnley was not cut out for
+shuffling and equivocating. His only consideration was, how far it
+might be prudent to inform his father of the receipt of the anonymous
+letter.
+
+For the purpose of giving himself time for uninterrupted meditation, he
+sauntered out from the house, and, as it were unconsciously, turned
+his steps towards the village of Smatterton. And he thought, as he
+walked along, that it would take several days at least, if not some
+weeks, to ascertain the truth or falsehood of the insinuations. He knew
+not where to seek for information, or how to gain evidence either on
+one side or the other. If he should not very soon make a visit to Mr
+Primrose, it would seem manifest that his intention was not to renew
+the acquaintance with Penelope; and very mortifying indeed would it be
+to him, if, after making enquiries and finding that the insinuations
+of the anonymous letter were unfounded, malicious and mischievous, he
+should, by his tardiness or mean suspicions, have forfeited the good
+will of the young lady.
+
+Fortunate for him was it, that while he was thinking on the subject of
+this anonymous communication, and putting the case that it might be
+the work of some malicious and ill-designing one, there occurred also
+to his recollection the lost letter which had been picked up by a
+stranger. With the recollection of that came also again to his mind the
+image and tone and look of the crafty letter-carrier, and the shuffling
+evasive answers which the cunning dog had given to his interrogatories.
+
+Wise and penetrating reader, who can'st dive most deeply into human
+motives, and read the movements of the human heart, we beseech thee
+not to impute it to stupidity or obtuseness in our friend Robert
+Darnley, that he could not sooner see the probability of the existence
+in some quarter or other of a spirit of treachery at work against him.
+His own mind was of a very unsuspicious cast, and he was not in the
+habit of looking for deeply-laid schemes, but he gave general credit
+to appearances and ordinary assertions. He was not unaware of the
+existence of roguery, or of the circulation of unfounded reports, but
+he did not look very commonly and cunningly for tricks and falsehood
+in the everyday movements of human life. But when he once had ground
+for suspicion, he had sagacity enough to pursue the investigation, and
+prudence enough not to be deceived when once put on his guard.
+
+He thought again of the anonymous letter, and he knew that there was
+no individual residing in London sufficiently acquainted with him to
+have written this letter for his sake. He thought of the intercepted
+letters, and of the allusion to Lord Spoonbill, and he thought of none
+so likely to have intercepted those letters as Lord Spoonbill himself.
+An apprehension of something near the truth now came firmly and
+distinctly upon his mind.
+
+Under the impression of this thought, he moved somewhat more rapidly
+and decidedly towards Smatterton, almost resolving that he would
+actually call at once on Mr Primrose, and renew his acquaintance with
+Penelope. He thought that he possessed penetration enough to discover
+if there were in the young lady's deportment and carriage any symptoms
+of a diminished or impaired moral feeling.
+
+It would not be much out of his way to go through the park, and as
+there was a footpath passing very closely by the castle, he designed to
+take that route, that, if meeting any one of the domestics, he might
+be able to ascertain whether or not Lord Spoonbill was expected at
+Smatterton.
+
+Not many steps had he taken with this intention before he had the
+satisfaction of meeting the unfaithful Nick Muggins, shuffling back
+from having delivered up his charge. Nick saw the young gentleman, and
+would gladly have avoided the meeting; but there was no way of escape,
+except by going back again to Smatterton, and that was quite out of
+the question, for at the public-house of that village he had spent his
+last allowable minute. Finding that the encounter must take place,
+Nick whistled himself up to his highest pitch of moral fortitude, and
+put spurs to his beast. He might as well have struck his spurs against
+a brick wall. The rough-coated quadruped had been too long in the
+service of government to be put out of his usual pace by Nick's spurs,
+and these said spurs had been long enough in the service of Muggins to
+have lost their virtue.
+
+Nick's next resource was to give Mr Robert Darnley the cut indirect,
+and to ride on without seeing him. But that was no easy matter in a
+narrow unfrequented road. Before the rogue could resolve what to do,
+the parties were together, and Robert Darnley, advancing into the
+middle of the road, gave command to the lad to stop. Disobedience of
+course was not to be thought of; and though the consciousness of guilt
+and the suspicion of accusation made him tremble, yet the necessity of
+concealment rendered him very cautious of betraying any emotion.
+
+The appearance of Robert Darnley's countenance was at this interview
+very different from what it had been an hour or two ago. For, in the
+first instance, he had been merely making an unsuspicious enquiry, and
+his interrogations had been more for the purpose of gaining information
+than for fixing an accusation. Now, he felt as if he were examining a
+criminal, and he directed a stern enquiring look towards the uncouth
+varlet, who blinked like an owl in the sunshine and seemed to be
+looking about for something to look at; for he was ashamed to look at
+Robert Darnley, and afraid to fix his eyes elsewhere.
+
+"Muggins, have the goodness to dismount," said the young gentleman;
+"I wish to have a little talk with you."
+
+That was a movement by no means agreeable to Mr Muggins, who would
+thereby be brought into closer and more perilous contact with an ugly
+ill-looking elastic knotted cane, which was bending under the pressure
+of Mr Darnley's hand. Muggins therefore, in answer to this command,
+said with all the coolness he could muster:
+
+"Please, sir, I maan't stay long."
+
+"Nonsense," replied Darnley; "dismount, I tell you."
+
+Now Muggins thought that if he was destined to receive a caning for a
+violation of his trust, he need not add to his troubles by provoking
+Mr Darnley to administer an extra application to him for refusing to
+dismount. Down therefore came Nick, and at the word of command fastened
+his horse to a gate-post.
+
+"Now, Muggins," said Robert Darnley, "if you don't tell me the
+truth, I will cane you as long as I can stand."
+
+"Sir?" said Muggins, in a tone of well-feigned astonishment, and with
+the accent of interrogation.
+
+"Will you tell me the truth, sir?" repeated the interrogator.
+
+"What about, sir?" asked Muggins.
+
+That question does by no means redound to the credit of Muggins; for
+had he been a truly honest lad, he would have been ready to tell the
+truth on any subject.
+
+"What about!" echoed Darnley; "about those letters, to be sure, which
+you ought to have delivered at the rectory at Smatterton. Tell me what
+you did with them, this moment."
+
+A threatening aspect accompanied, and a threatening attitude followed
+this speech. Muggins gave himself up for lost. If he called out
+"murder," there was none to assist him; running away was an absolute
+impossibility; resistance would be vain; and shuffling would no
+longer answer the purpose. It is astonishing how powerfully present
+considerations overwhelm and command the mind. If Muggins could have
+mustered up sufficient energy of purpose to resist the threats of
+the son of the rector of Neverden, he might afterwards have laid his
+case before the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, by whose interest he
+might have gained promotion, or by whose liberality he might have been
+handsomely rewarded. But all other thoughts and considerations were
+lost and absorbed in the elastic cane, which seemed vibrating with
+anxious eagerness for a close acquaintance with his shoulders.
+
+Cowering and trembling, the guilty one, whose craftiness would no
+longer avail him, dropped abjectly upon his knees and blubberingly
+implored for mercy, on consideration of revealing the whole truth.
+Darnley, who thought more of the happiness of renewing his acquaintance
+with Penelope than of the pleasure of caning a graceless varlet,
+readily promised mercy upon confession. And so great was Nick's
+gratitude for the mercy promised, that he told the whole truth, and
+gave up the character of Lord Spoonbill to contempt.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+
+When the interview recorded in the last chapter had concluded, both
+parties were pleased; but the pleasure of the one was far more durable
+than that of the other. Nick Muggins enjoyed but a negative delight in
+having escaped an imminent and threatening peril. But afterwards he
+began to reflect; for he could think, seeing that he had nothing else
+to do.
+
+It is worth notice, that many apparently stupid, ignorant and obtuse
+cubs, whose employment is monotonous and mechanical, possess a certain
+degree of shrewdness, and exhibit occasionally symptoms of reflection
+and observation to which more cultivated and educated minds are
+strangers. Curious it is also to see the gaping wonderment with which
+those, whose wisdom is from books, regard those who happen to have any
+power or capacity of thought without the assistance of books. Gentle
+reader, when you are next requested to write some wise sentence in a
+lady's album, write the following: "books are more indebted to wisdom,
+than wisdom is to books."
+
+Nick, we have said, began to think; and the farther he was removed from
+Robert Darnley's cane with the less delight did he contemplate his
+escape. It came also into his mind that, although this young gentleman
+had withheld the threatened infliction, yet there were other troubles
+awaiting him, and other dangers threatening him. Drowning mariners, it
+has been said, seldom calculate upon the consequence of their vows. Nor
+did Muggins calculate upon the probable consequences of the confession
+which he had made to escape an impending castigation.
+
+He had escaped the cane of Robert Darnley, but he had thereby exposed
+himself to the danger of a similar visitation from the hand of Lord
+Spoonbill. There was also some probability, and no slight one, that he
+might in addition to other calamities suffer the loss of his place.
+People in office do not like to lose their places, for it makes them
+very ill-humoured and provokes them to all manner of absurdities. Nick
+also thought that if his place should be taken from him in consequence
+of this his unfaithfulness, Lord Spoonbill would be also exposed, and
+Lord Spoonbill being exposed would be mightily angry with Nick, and,
+being angry with him, would not make him any remuneration for his loss.
+Moreover Nick thought that Lord Spoonbill would call him a fool for
+having divulged the secret, and Nick did not like to be called a fool.
+Who does? So, in order to avoid being called a fool, Nick meditated
+playing the rogue.
+
+We by no means approve of this conduct, and we record it not as an
+example, but as a caution; and we would seriously recommend all
+persons in public offices to be as honest as they possibly can; or if
+this political morality appears too rigid and savours of puritanical
+strictness, we would advise them to be as honest as they conveniently
+can.
+
+The scheme of roguery which the letter-carrier devised, was destined
+to be effected by means of epistolary correspondence with the Right
+Honorable Lord Spoonbill; but fortunately for the rogue, as even
+rogues are sometimes fortunate, the trouble of writing was saved him
+by the personal appearance of Lord Spoonbill himself at the town of
+M----, where Nick Muggins dwelt, and from which he carried the letters
+to Smatterton and Neverden. It was a great pleasure to Muggins to be
+saved the trouble of writing, for that operation was attended with much
+labour and difficulty to him, seeing that he had many doubts as to the
+shapes of letters and the meaning of words.
+
+Muggins had not been at home many minutes before Lord Spoonbill
+presented himself to the astonished eyes of the unfaithful
+letter-carrier. His lordship was wonderfully condescending to honor so
+humble a roof by his presence; but it was not the first time that he
+had paid a visit to Mr Muggins in his own house. The object, or more
+properly speaking the nature of the object, of his visit was guessed
+at, and the spirit of Nick's knavery was kindled within him, and he was
+prepared to say or do aught that his lordship might dictate or propose,
+for the purpose of furthering the hereditary legislator's right
+honorable pursuit.
+
+Nick's residence is not indeed a matter of much importance to the
+world, nor does its locality or aspect bear powerfully on the
+development of our catastrophe, or greatly assist the progress of our
+narrative. But we describe it, because we may thereby give our readers
+a more complete and impressive idea of the great condescension of Lord
+Spoonbill in visiting so obscure an abode.
+
+The town of M---- was situated on the banks of a river. The streets
+were long and narrow, and the houses high and dingy. The ground on
+which the town was built was uneven, and the materials with which it
+was paved were execrable. This is spoken of the best parts of the town,
+of those streets which stood on the higher ground. The inferior part
+was not paved at all, and was approachable only by an almost abrupt
+descent through a lane or narrow street, in which the houses nearly met
+at the top. The ground on which a passenger must walk was of a nature
+so miscellaneous as almost to defy description, and quite to puzzle
+analysis. Black mud, as everlasting as the perennial snows which rest
+on the summits of inaccessible mountains, decayed vegetables of every
+season of the year, refuse fish, unpicked bones of every conceivable
+variety of animals, deceased cats and dogs and rats in every possible
+degree of decomposition, broken bricks and tiles, and shreds of earthen
+vessels of all variety of domestic application, sticks, stones, old
+shoes, tin kettles and superannuated old saucepans, formed the dead
+stock of the street. And the live stock was by no means calculated to
+give to the spectator a high idea of the dignity of human nature. The
+fair sex in these regions appeared by no means to any great advantage;
+nature had done little for them and art less. In their voices there
+was less melody than loudness, and in their language more energy than
+elegance. They expressed their feelings without circumlocution, and
+resented indignities with hand as well as tongue. In the air which they
+breathed there might be enough to discompose and irritate, for the
+decomposition of sprats is by no means fragrant; and when an atmosphere
+is constantly burdened with the effluvia of soap, tallow, and train
+oil, it is not calculated to soothe the irritated nerves.
+
+To pass through such a region as this could not have been mightily
+agreeable to the refined senses of Lord Spoonbill. But not only did he
+pass through it, but he sought out in one of its meanest habitations
+the carrier of the Smatterton and Neverden letter-bags. All this
+however he did patiently undergo for love of Penelope Primrose.
+
+"Muggins," said his lordship, "have you left a letter at Neverden
+within this day or two for Mr Darnley?"
+
+"Yes, my lord," replied the carrier.
+
+"And did you see Mr Darnley when you delivered the letter?"
+
+"Oh, yes, my lord, I see Mr Robert himself. And please, my lord, I am
+almost afraid that you and I will be found out."
+
+"Found out, you rascal! what do you mean?"
+
+"Why, I means, my lord, please your lordship, that one of them letters
+as I give your lordship is been picked up, and Mr Robert Darnley showed
+it to me and axed whether I knowed nothing about it. And he said he'd
+kill me if I did not tell him, and so I told him that I didn't know
+nothing where it come from. And so, my lord, I'm quite afeard to go
+again to Neverden, only I don't know what to do just to get a bit of
+bread."
+
+At this information the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill was perplexed.
+
+"Why, Muggins, if that is the case," said his lordship, "you had
+better get away."
+
+"Yes, my lord, but what will become of me if I give up my place?"
+
+"Oh, leave that to me!" said his lordship, "and I will take care you
+shall be no loser."
+
+This was the point to which the crafty one wished to bring his right
+honorable friend. Suffice it then to say that Lord Spoonbill, fancying
+that he should place discovery out of the reach of probability, made
+the rogue a very handsome present, and gave him letters whereby he
+might find employment in London, which would more than compensate for
+the loss of his place in the country.
+
+Then did Lord Spoonbill under cover of night's darkness find his way
+to Smatterton castle, pleasing himself with the thought that his
+well-formed scheme was now likely to take effect, and that Mr Robert
+Darnley, after the warning of the anonymous letter, would not be very
+hasty to renew his acquaintance with Miss Primrose. It was of course
+supposed by our readers, and intended to be so supposed, that the
+anonymous letter above alluded to was sent, if not by Lord Spoonbill
+himself, at least by his instigation, and for the purpose of forwarding
+his designs. And, that the merit of the communication may not be
+ascribed to a wrong personage, it is right to inform the world that the
+writer of the same letter was Colonel Crop. By this gallant officer
+Lord Spoonbill was now accompanied to Smatterton castle.
+
+Colonel Crop was an excellent travelling companion, for he never
+disturbed the train of his fellow-traveller's thoughts by any
+impertinent prating. The dexterous economy which the colonel exercised
+over his words and actions was quite surprising. He could make a little
+go a great way. If for instance any friend, and many such there were,
+invited the gallant colonel to dinner, it would seem that thereby an
+occupation were afforded him for an hour or two previously for the
+purpose of dressing. But the ingenious time-consumer managed to make
+a whole morning's work of it. Equally economical was he of words. For
+if his Right Honorable friend Lord Spoonbill should talk to him for a
+whole hour together, the colonel would think it quite sufficient to
+reply to the long harangue by simply saying: "'Pon honor! you
+don't say so."
+
+With this lively companion did Lord Spoonbill journey towards
+Smatterton; and as his lordship wished to be left to his own thoughts,
+his friend was not unwilling to indulge him; and thus did the
+hereditary legislator enjoy the pleasure of silently congratulating
+himself on the dexterity with which he had managed this affair; and
+more especially was he delighted at the fortunate circumstance of
+having removed Nick Muggins far away from the danger of being tempted
+or terrified into confession of his unfaithfulness.
+
+It did not enter, nor was it likely to enter into the mind of Lord
+Spoonbill, that Nick Muggins had already impeached, and that Robert
+Darnley was in possession of all the facts of the case. There was
+something else also in the transactions of that day unknown to and
+unsuspected by his lordship. That other matter to which we here allude,
+was the visit which Robert Darnley had paid to Mr and Miss Primrose.
+
+At the close of the preceding chapter we related that Mr Darnley
+and the letter-carrier parted after their interview, and we have
+accompanied Nick back to his home, and have narrated what took place
+there. We may now therefore return to Robert Darnley, and accompany him
+also in his visit to Smatterton.
+
+After he had ascertained from Muggins the truth of the matter
+concerning the suppressed letter, he no longer heeded the anonymous
+communication which he had received; and instead of passing through the
+park as he had designed, he proceeded immediately to the rectory.
+
+He was most happy in the thought that now all doubts and perplexities
+were removed from his mind, and he was much better able and far more
+willing to believe that Penelope still remained pure, honorable, and
+affectionate, than to give credence to the foul calumnies which had
+been circulated concerning her. There are individuals in the world
+of whom it is, ordinarily speaking, almost impossible to think ill.
+Such was the character of Penelope Primrose to those well acquainted
+with her. But the elder Mr Darnley being a mightily pompous and grand
+sort of man, looked at almost every one from an awful distance.
+Discrimination of character was by no means his forte. He thought that
+the whole mass of mankind was divisible into two classes, the good
+and the bad. He considered that the good must do as he did, and think
+as he thought; and that the bad were those that opposed him. It was
+his notion that it required only a simple volition for the good to
+become bad and for the bad to become good. And when he heard that Miss
+Primrose had transgressed, he forthwith believed the tale and renounced
+her.
+
+But to say nothing of the affection which the younger Darnley
+entertained for the lady, and the pleasing hopes with which for so
+long a period he had been accustomed to think of her, he could not
+think it possible for a mind like hers ever to descend to the meanness
+with which she had been charged. He did think it possible that,
+in consequence of a supposed neglect on his part, and by means of
+ingenious assiduities on the part of another, that her regards might
+be transferred from him; but even that he would not believe without
+positive evidence. Many a faithful heart had been broken, and many an
+honest man has been hanged, by circumstantial evidence.
+
+The meeting of the lovers was silent. They might have been previously
+studying speeches; but these were forgotten on both sides. And in
+their silence their looks explained to each other how much they had
+respectively suffered from the villany of him who had interrupted their
+correspondence. After a long and silent embrace, and gazing again and
+again at those features which he had so loved to think of at a mighty
+distance, Darnley at length was able to speak, and he said: "And you
+have not forgotten me!" How cold these words do look on paper. But from
+the living lips which spoke them, and from the energetic tenderness
+with which they were uttered, and from the thought of that mental
+suffering and that withering of heart which had been occasioned by
+the fear of forgetfulness, and above all from the circumstance that
+these were the first words which Penelope had heard from those lips
+for so long, so very long a period, they came to her ear and heart
+with a thrilling power, and awakened her from her silent trance to the
+expression of that feeling which had almost subdued her.
+
+"Forget!" she was attempting to echo her lover's words, but
+emotion was too strong for the utterance of words, and she finished her
+answer by falling on his neck and weeping audibly.
+
+Might it not have done Lord Spoonbill good to have witnessed this
+scene? Surely it might have taught him how little prospect there was of
+the success of his designs; and he might, had he possessed the ordinary
+feelings of humanity, have thought that the coronet must be brilliant
+indeed which could tempt Penelope to renounce her lover.
+
+But Lord Spoonbill saw it not, and suspected it not; if he had, it
+certainly would have saved him a great deal of trouble.
+
+The lovers, when they did recover themselves sufficiently to speak
+composedly and collectedly, had volumes of talk for each other, and
+Darnley was interested and moved by the narrative of Penelope's
+excursion to London, and the narrow escape which she had from a
+profession so ill adapted to the character and complexion of her mind.
+But in all the conversation Darnley did not mention to Penelope the
+anonymous letter which he had that morning received, nor did he say
+a word concerning the confession of the letter-carrier. As to the
+anonymous letter, he would not insult her even by alluding to the
+existence of evil reports; and as to the suppressed letters, he feared
+lest the impetuosity of the young lady's father might be productive of
+mischief. He thought it at all events most desirable, at least so long
+as they might remain in the neighbourhood of Smatterton castle, to let
+Penelope suppose that the loss of the letters was accidental.
+
+There may be some persons who think that under present circumstances it
+was the duty of Robert Darnley to send Lord Spoonbill a challenge, or
+to bestow upon his lordship that chastisement with which Nick Muggins
+had been threatened. That Lord Spoonbill deserved a bodily castigation,
+we will readily concede; but as to duelling, we conceive it to be a
+very silly and useless practice, and we are not sorry that we are
+not compelled to relate of the younger Darnley that his inclination
+prompted him to adopt that very equivocal mode of demonstrating himself
+to be a gentleman, or man of courage.
+
+Very pleasantly passed the two or three hours which Robert Darnley
+allowed himself to spend at Smatterton parsonage; very awkwardly passed
+the dinner hour on his return to Neverden parsonage; for the Rev. Mr
+Darnley would not speak to his son, and poor Mrs Darnley and the young
+ladies were afraid to speak when the rector was silent.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+
+At a late hour in the evening Lord Spoonbill, accompanied by his worthy
+friend Colonel Crop, arrived at Smatterton castle. The domestics were
+instructed not to make the arrival public, for his lordship was not
+desirous of being interrupted by any invasions of callers. His object
+professed to be the making some arrangements, and laying down some
+plans for alterations and improvements.
+
+Colonel Crop was an excellent counsellor. He was one of those admirable
+advisers, whose suggestions are always taken, and whose advice is
+always welcome, for he never gave any advice except that which was
+dictated to him by the person whose counsellor he was. He would have
+made an excellent prime minister for any sovereign who might not like
+to be contradicted. His reverence for lords was very great, and far
+greater of course would have been his reverence for kings. He would no
+more think of reasoning with or contradicting a lord, than a common
+soldier would think of refusing to march or halt at the word of his
+commander.
+
+Now when this worthy couple had finished a late dinner, and Colonel
+Crop had assented to and echoed all that Lord Spoonbill had been
+pleased to affirm as touching the excellence or the reverse of the
+various meats and drinks composing their dinner, the hereditary
+legislator began the work of consultation.
+
+"Well, Crop, it is a good thing that I have sent that rascally
+letter-carrier away."
+
+"Very," replied the colonel.
+
+"It would have been quite shocking if he had been terrified or bribed
+out of his secret."
+
+"Quite," replied the colonel.
+
+"Now I have been thinking," continued his lordship, "that you may
+be of great service to me in this affair."
+
+"You may command me," replied the colonel.
+
+That was true enough, and so might any one who would feed him. Young
+men of weak minds and vicious habits are very much to be pitied when
+they have such friends and companions as Colonel Crop.
+
+"You know Miss Primrose by sight, colonel?" said his lordship.
+
+"Can't say I do," replied the colonel; "I have seen her once, but I
+took very little notice."
+
+"I must introduce you then. Now you remember the trouble I had with the
+old ones about this affair, and you know that I was fool enough, as I
+told you, to go so far as actually to make Miss Primrose an offer of
+marriage."
+
+The colonel gave his assent to this proposition also; for he seemed
+to think it an act of rudeness to contradict a lord, even when he
+called himself a fool. And so perhaps it really is; for a lord ought
+to know whether he is a fool or not, and he would not say it if he did
+not believe it; and there is also a degree of wisdom in the discovery
+that one has been a fool, for thereby it is intimated that the season
+of folly is over. Whosoever therefore actually says that he was a fool
+formerly, virtually says that he is not a fool now. So no doubt did
+the colonel interpret the assertion of Lord Spoonbill, and with this
+interpretation he said, "Exactly so."
+
+"But I think now," proceeded his lordship, "I may have the young lady
+on my own terms. But the difficulty is how to manage the business
+without alarming her, and perhaps bringing down some deadly vengeance
+from that father of her's, for he is as fierce as a tiger."
+
+That which is a difficulty to an hereditary legislator and heir to
+a title and large estate, must of course be a difficulty also to a
+half-pay colonel, who loves to depend upon occasional dinners, and,
+like a hospital, to be supported by voluntary contributions. Therefore
+the colonel said:
+
+"Ay, that is the difficulty."
+
+"If by any means we could contrive to get the father out of the way,
+we might perhaps get rid of some obstacle. Crop, can you hit upon any
+scheme to separate them?"
+
+"Can't, 'pon honor," replied the colonel, who probably thought that
+it was not becoming in him to be more ingenious than his feeder. The
+colonel indeed was willing to do whatever he might be bid, to say
+whatever might be put into his mouth, to write whatever might be
+dictated to him, and to go wherever he might be sent. But he was by no
+means a self-acting machine. He would do anything for any body, but he
+required to be told explicitly what to do.
+
+After a pause of some minutes, Lord Spoonbill observed; "Perhaps some
+use might be made of the stoppage of Mr Primrose's banker. I forget
+the name; have you any recollection of it?"
+
+"Can't say I have, 'pon honor;" replied the colonel.
+
+To proceed much farther in narrating this lively dialogue which took
+place between the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill and Colonel Crop, as
+to the most likely means of forwarding the designs which his lordship
+meditated against Miss Primrose, would contribute more to the reader's
+weariness than to his amusement or edification. It will be enough
+in the present state of affairs to say, that this notable colloquy
+terminated in the determination on the part of his lordship to take no
+immediate steps in the affair till he had ascertained what effect the
+anonymous letter had produced upon Robert Darnley. For this purpose,
+Colonel Crop might render himself useful. Instructions were therefore
+given him accordingly, and he was ordered to ride over to Neverden
+Hall, where he might be most likely to gain some information.
+
+Early therefore, on the following morning, the gallant colonel found
+his way to the mansion of the worthy baronet and able magistrate, Sir
+George Aimwell. The unpaid one was mightily well pleased at the visit,
+and he shook the hand of the half-paid one till his fingers ached.
+
+"Well, Colonel, I am glad to see you. So you are tired of the gaieties
+of London already, and you are coming to relieve our dullness in the
+country. How are our noble neighbours?"
+
+"Quite well, I thank you," replied the colonel, who felt himself one
+of great importance in being able to speak so readily and assuredly
+concerning nobility.
+
+And here we will take the opportunity, and a very fit one it is, of
+observing on a very curious fact, namely, that the reverence for
+nobility and high rank is not felt so acutely and powerfully by simple
+and unmixed plebeians, as it is by those who have some remote affinity
+to nobility, or who fancy themselves to be a shadow or two of a caste
+above the mere plebeian. Colonel Crop was not of noble family, but he
+was the last of a mighty puissant race of insignificant attenuated
+gentry in a country town; and as nobility was a scarce article in the
+neighbourhood where he was born and brought up, he was mightily proud
+of his intimacy with the noble family of the Spoonbills. But to proceed.
+
+"Now, colonel, as you are here," said the worthy baronet, "I hope you
+will stay and spend the day with me."
+
+We are always popping in our remarks upon everything that is done and
+said; and here again we cannot help remarking that Sir George Aimwell
+might have had the grace to say "with us," as well as "with me;"
+but he thought so much of his own magisterial self, that he had no
+consideration of any one else.
+
+To the invitation thus given the gallant colonel scarcely knew what
+to say, for his commission, though very definite as to purpose, was
+not definite as to time. Now the colonel, though a man of family, was
+somewhat obtuse, and by some people would have been called stupid; and
+he scarcely knew whether or not he should communicate to the amiable
+magistrate at Neverden Hall, the fact of Lord Spoonbill's incognito
+presence at Smatterton castle. And as it was not possible for him to
+send back to the castle for further orders, he thought that the most
+prudent step that he could take would be to leave the matter of dining
+undecided, and go back in person to Smatterton for full directions.
+
+He gave therefore an undecided answer to the baronet's invitation,
+saying that he had some "little matters" to attend to at Smatterton,
+and that, if he possibly could return to Neverden in the evening, he
+should be most happy to take his dinner with the worthy baronet.
+
+Back therefore to Smatterton trotted the convenient colonel, in order
+to report progress and ask leave to sit at the baronet's table. Now we
+"guess" that some of our readers are sneering most contemptuously at
+this convenient colonel, and admiring the placid facility with which
+he is moved about from place to place at the nod of an hereditary
+legislator, and obeying all the commands of a tadpole senator. Yet why
+should any one think that he is unworthily or degradingly employed.
+Only let us imagine for a moment that the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill is a most gracious, or a most Christian majesty, and that
+his negociations are for precisely the same purpose as they are at
+present; or that from negociations of this nature there may have arisen
+between two mighty and puissant nations a just and necessary war--such
+things have been--then would the said Colonel Crop, in his capacity of
+negociator, be regarded with profound admiration by all his majesty's
+most faithful and loyal subjects; and morning and evening papers
+would be proud of putting forth second editions to immortalize his
+diplomatic movements. But, as it is, ours is the only record of these
+matters.
+
+When Colonel Crop therefore returned to Smatterton castle, and informed
+his right honorable employer of what had passed at Neverden, Lord
+Spoonbill thought, though he did not say, that Colonel Crop was a great
+booby.
+
+"Why, colonel," said his lordship, "by all means go back and take
+your dinner with Sir George; you may find out something about Darnley; I
+am in no hurry for your return, only let me know all that you can
+collect concerning this young lady; and above all endeavour to find
+out whether Mr Robert Darnley is spoken of as her future husband, or
+whether the acquaintance between them is broken off. That is all I wish
+to ascertain at present. I shall then know how to act. For don't you
+see that, if Darnley keeps at a distance in consequence of the present
+reports, I am more likely to have her on my own terms. There is no
+heart so easy to win as that of a disappointed lover."
+
+With his instructions back went the colonel to Neverden. And as we have
+not the opportunity of giving verbal or senatorial advice to mighty
+and puissant princes, we will here do all we can for the good of our
+country, and of all countries into the language of which this history
+may be translated, by advising and most earnestly recommending that
+blockheads, however valorous or gallant, like our friend Colonel Crop,
+be not employed in diplomatic offices. There is a very great difference
+between the vigorous arm that can break a man's head, and the ingenious
+dexterity which can bend a man's heart. And, generally speaking, those
+people can have but little regard for brains, whose business it is to
+knock them out.
+
+For want of a dexterous diplomatist, Lord Spoonbill, as we shall see
+hereafter, was exposed to great inconvenience, and suffered mighty and
+serious disappointment.
+
+Colonel Crop was not sorry that leave was granted him to dine at Sir
+George Aimwell's. For the baronet had an excellent cook, and the cook
+had an excellent place, and few are the instances in which there exists
+so good an understanding between master and servant, as in the present
+case there did between the worthy magistrate and his as worthy cook.
+
+Whether Colonel Crop did or did not possess the organ of hope strongly
+developed in his skull, we cannot tell, for the gallant colonel has not
+yet been hanged; if he had, we might have found any organs we pleased;
+but we may suppose that he had the organ of anticipativeness, for his
+thoughts dwelt so seriously and intently upon the good dinner that he
+was likely to enjoy at Sir George Aimwell's table, that he did actually
+and truly forget a great part of his errand. Oh, how selfish is mortal
+man!
+
+The colonel, however, with all his propensity to oblivion, had
+sufficient memory to recollect that his business was to ascertain
+whether Mr Darnley, son of the rector of Neverden, still continued his
+acquaintance with a young lady or not. At the table of Sir George
+Aimwell there was introduced a young lady, Miss Glossop. The name of
+Glossop bears no very marked affinity to that of Primrose, but by some
+strange fatality or fatuity, the gallant colonel confounded them. The
+young lady, by a certain dashing style of behaviour, passed off with
+the colonel as a remarkably fine young woman; and when Sir George
+Aimwell spoke banteringly to her concerning Robert Darnley, then the
+gallant negociator was sure that this was the lady in question.
+
+There was a still farther corroboration in the circumstance that this
+lady was gifted with remarkable vocal powers. The colonel was no great
+judge of music, but he could see that she played very rapidly, and he
+could hear that she sung very loud; and therefore he entertained the
+same notion of her musical talents which she herself did.
+
+The musical exhibition took place after tea. Lady Aimwell cared little
+about music or anything else, and in the presence of her husband's
+visitors she generally shewed her dignity by looking sulky. But Colonel
+Crop was so vastly polite, that her ladyship was generally more civil
+and courteous to him than to any other guests who were attracted to
+Neverden Hall by the fame of the baronet's cook.
+
+And while Miss Glossop was amusing herself with melodious
+vociferations, and singing and playing so loud that the poor magistrate
+could hardly keep his eyes shut, Colonel Crop and Lady Aimwell were
+engaged in a whispering or muttering conversation, all about nothing
+at all. They both agreed that it was remarkable weather, neither of
+them had remembered it so mild for many years. Lady Aimwell was very
+well pleased to hear Colonel Crop's common-place nothings which he had
+brought from London, and her ladyship related all that had taken place
+at Neverden since the colonel was there last.
+
+Her ladyship was not especially partial to Miss Glossop. There was some
+little jealousy in the heart of Lady Aimwell that this stranger, as it
+were, should occupy so much of the baronet's attention. Disagreeable
+people are generally the most jealous. Her ladyship noticed the music.
+
+"I wonder," muttered the fretful one to Colonel Crop, "that Sir
+George can bear to hear such a constant noise. I am sure he knows
+nothing of music. There is a great deal of talk about her fine voice and
+her rapid execution; her voice sounds to my ear very much like the voice
+of a peacock."
+
+Saying this her ladyship smiled, because it was almost witty, and the
+colonel also smiled, for he too thought it was witty.
+
+"But I beg your pardon, colonel," said her ladyship; "perhaps you may
+be partial to music?"
+
+"By no means," replied the colonel, "and I was not aware that Sir
+George was partial to it. Our friends at the castle are very musical."
+
+It was pleasant for the colonel to be able to talk about our friends
+at the castle; but Lady Aimwell, though not very ambitious of publicity
+in the gay world, was rather jealous of the Smatterton great ones, and
+thought herself treated with too much haughtiness and distance by the
+Earl and Countess.
+
+"I wish that all that noise and affectation were at the castle, instead
+of tormenting me."
+
+Thus spoke Lady Aimwell. Now, thought Colonel Crop, there was a fine
+opportunity for introducing his diplomacy; and for that purpose the
+gallant negociator said, in a very knowing accent:
+
+"But I think I have heard that this young lady is likely to give her
+hand to a Mr ---- Mr ---- bless me, I forget names."
+
+"Do you mean Mr Darnley," said her ladyship, "the son of our
+rector?"
+
+"Yes, yes," replied the colonel, "I believe that is the name;
+Darnley, Darnley, ay, ay, that is the name. This lady is going to be
+married to Mr Darnley, I have heard."
+
+"Oh no!" replied her ladyship, "I don't believe it. I can hardly
+think it probable. Indeed--but I hope it will go no further"--
+
+Here her ladyship spoke in a still lower key and more subdued tone, and
+the gallant colonel listened with profound attention, and with great
+delight did he hear her ladyship thus speak:
+
+"There has, I believe, been some talk about such an affair, and Robert
+Darnley has met her here once or twice. But the truth is, he seems to
+know her character and disposition too well. And if there were any such
+thoughts on his part, I am sure he has given up all such idea by this
+time. Indeed, I do not think that there ever was much regard on either
+side."
+
+This was grand intelligence for the colonel. He felt himself mightily
+important. He soon ceased the conversation, and took his leave of the
+family at Neverden Hall, and he reported all that he had heard and seen
+according to the best of his ability.
+
+"Well, my lord, I have seen your Arabella."
+
+"Penelope, you mean;" interrupted his lordship.
+
+"Ay, ay, Penelope; bless me, how soon I forget names. So I have seen
+her and heard her."
+
+"She plays and sings delightfully," said Lord Spoonbill.
+
+"Wonderfully," replied the colonel, who was more than usually eloquent
+in consequence of the good success of his diplomacy: "to be sure I do
+not understand music, but I never saw so rapid an execution in my life."
+
+"But," interrupted his impatient lordship, "did you hear anything
+about that Darnley?"
+
+"Yes," replied the colonel, with mighty pomp and energy of manner.
+"Lady Aimwell told me, in confidence, that Darnley knew her character
+too well to think of marrying her. These were her ladyship's own
+words."
+
+"Now, Crop, you have done me a service indeed. Now I think the day is
+our own."
+
+When the good friends parted for the night, his delighted lordship was
+so occupied with his own sweet thoughts that he was quite intoxicated
+with joy. He would, had he been able, have sung a _Te Deum_; and it
+would be very well if _Te Deum_ had never been sung on occasions quite
+as unworthy as, if not infinitely more so than the present.
+
+
+END OF THE SECOND VOLUME.
+
+  LONDON:
+  PRINTED BY C. H. REYNELL, BROAD STREET, GOLDEN SQUARE.
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES:
+
+Inconsistent spelling has been retained, unless it's clearly a
+printer's error.
+
+This is a list of the corrections made:
+
+  Smattertno     => Smatterton
+  too verturn    => to overturn
+  gird           => girl
+  enoug          => enough
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Penelope: or, Love's Labour Lost,
+Vol. 2 (of 3), by William Pitt Scargill
+
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