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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44159 ***
+
+PENELOPE:
+
+OR,
+
+LOVE'S LABOUR LOST.
+
+A NOVEL.
+
+IN THREE VOLUMES.
+
+
+II.
+
+
+  LONDON:
+  PRINTED FOR HUNT AND CLARKE,
+  YORK STREET, COVENT GARDEN.
+
+
+  1828.
+
+
+  LONDON:
+  PRINTED BY C. H. REYNELL, BROAD STREET, GOLDEN SQUARE.
+
+
+  PENELOPE:
+  OR,
+  LOVE'S LABOUR LOST.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+Lord Spoonbill was not less disappointed than the Countess of
+Smatterton, to hear that Penelope was in daily expectation of seeing
+her father. Hereditary legislators are sometimes perplexed, and in
+the present case the son of the Earl of Smatterton was in a state of
+grievous doubt and agitation.
+
+His object in the first instance had been to take Penelope under his
+protection, and he supposed that if the correspondence between her
+and Robert Darnley could be broken off, there would be very little
+difficulty in inducing her to comply with his proposals. For it was
+his intention to make a most liberal settlement and to place her in
+a very handsome establishment. Living as he had always in splendour,
+and enjoying the luxuries and ostentation of wealth, though accustomed
+to them from his birth, he thought, that to one educated in such
+humble obscurity as Penelope had been, these fascinations would be
+irresistible. During the short time that he had been under the same
+roof with her, he had seen and observed more of the character of her
+mind, and he felt that it was not personal beauty alone that she
+possessed, but that her disposition was kind and her temper beautiful;
+and therefore he loved her with a much purer regard than ever he had
+before entertained for any one of the sex. He loved her so much, in
+fact, that he absolutely regretted that her rank in life was not nearer
+to his own.
+
+It now also occurred to him, from what he had heard in the autumn,
+that it was very probable that Robert Darnley might be in England, and
+that through the intervention of Mr Primrose some explanation might
+bring the parties together again, and thus his lordship's hopes would
+be disappointed and his schemes frustrated. Then there came into his
+lordship's mind the thought of the intercepted letters, and with that
+thought the fear that a discovery might be made as to the manner in
+which, and the person by whom, they had been intercepted. But that fear
+was transient, for his lordship confidently said to himself, "It is
+absolutely impossible that Nick Muggins should betray me." What could
+his lordship be thinking about when he uttered this soliloquy? Did the
+Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill think that the principle of honor was
+stronger in the mind of Nick Muggins, the Smatterton post-boy, than it
+was in his own Right Honorable self? Wherein, did his lordship imagine,
+consisted the essential superiority of the high born above the sons of
+the peasantry? Did his lordship imagine that the only difference was in
+titles and soft white hands? It is not for us to know what lords may
+think, it is enough for us to gaze with wonderment on what they do.
+
+Present circumstances and present feelings compelled Lord Spoonbill to
+enter into serious deliberation with himself as to what step he should
+pursue. He could not for a moment admit the possibility of making an
+honorable offer of his hand to the young lady; such a proposal would
+have been the death of the Earl of Smatterton. That offer, which his
+lordship gravely called the other proposal, required a little more
+circumlocution and management; for his lordship was not quite so simple
+as not to be aware that, if making the first proposal was condescension
+on his part, accepting the latter would be condescension on the part
+of the lady. There was required for this purpose a tolerably strong
+attachment to his lordship, which might not yet exist in the lady's
+mind. And though Lord Spoonbill was not by any means a man of great
+understanding or extraordinary penetration, yet in those matters in
+which he was most conversant he was not altogether unskilful. In
+pursuits of a similar nature to the present, his lordship was by no
+means inexpert; but, in the present instance, he knew that the person
+in question was gifted with mental powers superior to those which
+had belonged to his previous victims, and his own regard for her was
+somewhat more tender and respectful.
+
+These considerations on the one hand told his lordship that success
+would be endangered by precipitancy, while the fact that Mr Primrose,
+in the course of a day or two, would make his appearance, rendered it
+necessary that some immediate steps should be taken. It is a great pity
+that hereditary legislators, who are born to govern a nation, should
+in any case be incapable of legislating for themselves. Such a case
+now occurred. Lord Spoonbill thought of calling to his aid the counsel
+of a friend. For this purpose he forthwith ordered his horse for a
+morning ride; and, after an unmercifully rapid gallop of ten miles, he
+dismounted at the door of one of the prettiest little cottages within
+twenty miles of London.
+
+This cottage was almost secluded from the sight of the world, but was
+yet within reach of life's gaieties and luxuries. Its secludedness was
+owing partly to the immensely thick plantations by which it was hidden
+from the road, and partly to the narrow and almost imperceptible lane
+which led to it. The external appearance of the plantation was rugged
+and uncultivated and neglected; and this appearance was, on the part of
+the owner and occupier of the place, cunningly intentional. He was a
+man who loved seclusion, but who loved the world; but the world which
+he loved was not the miscellaneous world of promiscuous humanity; it
+was only the world of select and superfastidious fashion, of graceful
+gaiety and refined voluptuousness. He loved society not as society, but
+as the means of more intense and effective sensual gratification. Our
+readers, we trust, will excuse and accompany us if we describe with
+very particular minuteness this very singular character. He belonged
+not to any class, or tribe, or general description of men; for if he
+had, a few words of outline would suffice to state the class to which
+he belonged, and imagination or observation might supply the rest. But
+he was a perfect unique.
+
+His personal appearance was striking, though not marked by any
+decided or obvious singularity. He was tall and well formed, finely
+proportioned and of graceful carriage. The top of his head was entirely
+and shiningly bald; his complexion was fair, and there was for the most
+part a look of good humour and easy gaiety in his countenance; but an
+attentive observer might occasionally perceive a transient cloudiness
+that looked like disappointment, and there were also visible traces
+of slight asperity and symptoms of sneer and contemptuousness. In
+his dress he was fastidiously accurate and expensively splendid. He
+regarded fashion no farther than as it gave him an opportunity of
+exhibiting himself to the greatest possible advantage.
+
+Of the qualities of his mind it is difficult to speak intelligibly.
+He was intellectual, though sensual; his reading was remarkably
+limited, and his knowledge as remarkably extensive. He had received
+the rudiments of his education at Westminster, and had finished his
+studies at Cambridge, at which place he had become acquainted with Lord
+Spoonbill. But, notwithstanding all the opportunities which had been
+afforded him, he had not made what is called progress in literature. He
+was perfect in no species of knowledge or science which is derivable
+from books. He had learned Greek, Latin, French, Italian and German,
+but he was familiar with none of them. He had slightly attended to the
+exact sciences, but he had forgotten of them everything but their
+existence. He had read ancient and modern history; his recollection
+of them was little, but clear, and when he had any occasion to speak
+of any of their facts or their philosophies, he generally spoke with
+accuracy, and thereby acquired a reputation, which he had no wish or
+ambition to acquire, of being a well read man. Few people speak Greek
+or Latin, and therefore our gentleman, not being examined, passed
+for a scholar. Everybody who pretends to any degree of refinement or
+fashion, interslops his own native language with an ungrammatical nasal
+blattering, called quoting French; and our gentleman had picked up
+enough of that affected trumpery to pass well in the society which he
+occasionally frequented. With how small a portion of real literature
+and actual knowledge a man may pass muster in society, is only known to
+those who love the reputation of scholarship better than its toils.
+
+The gentleman of whom we are speaking was too politic to trouble
+himself about politics. His politics, if the theory of such an
+indolent one may be called by that name, were Ascendancy politics.
+Those are the best subjects who never trouble their heads about
+politics: if we were king we should always encourage and patronize such
+people. The tame negroes in the West India islands do not trouble their
+heads about politics, nor do the subjects of the Emperor of Morocco, or
+the King of Persia, for if they did, their heads would soon cease to
+trouble them. The people of the United States do trouble their heads,
+but the time may come when there may be in that part of the world a
+great multitude who will not trouble their heads about politics; it
+will then be a much pleasanter thing to be king of America than it
+would now. But while we say that our gentleman was indifferent to
+politics, and therefore a good subject, we by no means wish it to be
+understood that he was a Tory, for Tories do trouble their heads about
+politics, and trouble other people's heads too.
+
+This person eschewed partisanship, because it would give him trouble
+to belong to a party. His principle was to possess and enjoy animally
+every luxury within his reach; but at the same time to avoid those
+excesses which are palpably and obviously ruinous to the constitution.
+He had made the experiment for very few years, but he began to find
+thus early that the experiment was not likely to succeed. For want of
+exertion and activity the keenness of his relish had already begun to
+abate; and by carefully extracting the bitter ingredients from life's
+cup and casting them away, he found that its sweets were sickening and
+saturating. Whatever was annoying to mind or body, he endeavoured,
+and in most cases successfully, to avoid. But there was gradually and
+surely coming upon him the bitterest of all annoyances; that kind of
+mental suffering which is only describable in the language of paradox,
+and which we will set down for the purpose of giving the purblind
+puppies of criticism something to yelp at. He was then beginning to
+feel the bitterness of sweetness, the darkness of light, the discord
+of harmony, the solitude of society, the weariness of rest, the
+deformity of beauty; but he knew not how and from whence this annoyance
+was coming upon him. He had felt that sensibility was painful, and he
+had suppressed or neutralized it; he avoided the sight or thought of
+suffering, for he felt that sympathy with pain was painful. He had not
+exercised the powers of his mind, lest that exercise should interfere
+with that system of luxurious enjoyment which he had adopted. He had
+despised and derided the moral feeling, and had studiously guarded
+himself against all reproofs which conscience might administer to him.
+But with all this care he experienced feelings far more oppressive than
+those against which he guarded.
+
+Now the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill was also a man of no mental
+exertion, but he was a man of no mental power; he also was sensual,
+but his was not a deliberate and studied sensuality, it was purely
+animal and instinctive. He was an Epicurean, but not an Epicurean
+philosopher. At Cambridge he had been acquainted with this Mr
+Erpingham, and he had admired the dextrous sophistry by which this
+gentleman had proved the worse to be the better cause. Mr Erpingham
+had also been proud of the acquaintance with nobility, though Lord
+Spoonbill was a younger man than he. And they had become the confidents
+and companions of each others profligacies.
+
+In a difficulty therefore of that kind to which we have above alluded,
+it is not to be wondered at that his lordship should enter into
+consultation, or at least into conversation, concerning the subject
+with his good friend Erpingham.
+
+We would not, however, have our readers imagine that Lord Spoonbill was
+quite such a ninny as to make it the subject of deliberate consultation
+and express enquiry, to learn what he ought to do on the present
+occasion; he merely meant to make a call upon his friend, and he was
+prompted to make that call by the circumstances in which he was then
+placed with regard to Penelope Primrose. His object was to talk the
+matter over, and he certainly could not have selected a properer person
+to take part in such conversation.
+
+The two friends had not met for some time; the interview was agreeable
+therefore to both parties; for they had a great mutual respect for each
+other: Lord Spoonbill admired Mr Erpingham's talents, and Mr Erpingham
+had a high respect for Lord Spoonbill's title and high connexions.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+Lord Spoonbill was ushered into an apartment, the air of which was warm
+and fragrant: the warmth came from Newcastle, and the fragrancy from
+Bond street. At first entering the room his lordship saw not any one to
+whom his name could have been announced. The servant who had opened the
+door for him closed it immediately behind him, and he seemed to be in
+an empty apartment. By an instinct natural to an Englishman he advanced
+towards the fire-place, and there he presently saw on a sofa, the back
+of which was towards the door, his friend Erpingham reclining at full
+length, and having before him an open volume placed on a low table,
+which had been constructed and adapted for reading on a sofa. This was
+what Erpingham called "reading made easy."
+
+His lordship expressed by his looks some surprise that his friend
+should not rise from the sofa, and said, "Erpingham! are you unwell?"
+
+"Ah! Spoonbill, is it you? Excuse my not rising to receive you; but the
+fact is, I have been trying for the last hour and a half to get into an
+easy position, and I have but just accomplished it, and if I move now
+I shall not be able to recover the position, and you know how wretched
+that sensation is. Well, how are the old materials?"
+
+This last question referred to the health of the Earl and Countess of
+Smatterton; and it was a phrase which Erpingham had learned from Lord
+Spoonbill himself.
+
+To this question Lord Spoonbill made the regular response, and
+continued, "How is it, Erpingham, that I never have the pleasure of
+seeing you unless I ride over to you?"
+
+"Can't say," was the careless reply: "but," continued the
+Epicurean, "I am not partial to mixed company. Now your house in town
+is too multitudinous for me.--But my Clarissa tells me that the Countess
+of Smatterton is going to astonish the whole world by introducing a new
+first-rate voice."
+
+For explanation, it may be enough to inform the reader that Clarissa
+held the same place in Mr Erpingham's establishment as Lord Spoonbill
+wished Penelope to hold in his. His lordship therefore was not sorry
+that the subject should be thus introduced, and he replied:
+
+"Exactly so. But we have our doubts whether the lady will, under
+present circumstances, assent to the arrangement: for when she came
+to London, it was as an orphan, but now her father has returned from
+India after a long, and, I suppose, a profitable absence. Mr Primrose,
+the father, is now on his way from Smatterton, and he has said in his
+letter to his daughter, that he is about to place her in a home of his
+own. So I fear we shall lose this star."
+
+Mr Erpingham did not lay anything very much to heart, and therefore
+he did not express any serious lamentation on this probable loss. He
+directed his remarks to other matters; and among other questions which
+he asked of Lord Spoonbill, alluding to the circumstances and events of
+his lordship's life, he enquired: "And have you got rid of your dear
+little Ellen at last? You had a great deal of trouble with her, I think
+you told me some time ago."
+
+Lord Spoonbill was quite as profligate as his elegant friend, but he
+had not so successfully and completely neutralized all his feelings.
+Though his profligacy therefore was coarser than that of Erpingham,
+and though his lordship was not over gifted with sensibility, yet he
+was not so entirely and systematically heartless. To this question
+concerning poor Ellen he shook his head, and said:
+
+"Why, yes; I was sorry for the poor thing too: she was very much in
+love with me at one time, I really believe."
+
+"Ay," replied Erpingham, "that was bad. It is quite annoying to have
+a woman in love with one. I could not endure it. I make it a rule
+never to encourage anything of the kind. You were too much addicted
+to sentimentality when you were at Cambridge. I suspect now that you
+are more than half in love with this Miss Primrose. Is she pretty and
+silly?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill frowned at the question, and did not answer it.
+
+"Oh, well," replied his friend, "I have no wish to be in your
+confidence. Pray don't tell me any more of your secrets than you wish
+me to know. And if you are going to talk as much nonsense to me about
+Miss Primrose as you did two years ago about your 'dear little Ellen,'
+I must beg to be excused. Positively, Spoonbill, I have grown quite
+nervous of late."
+
+"I think," replied his lordship, "you have grown quite provoking. I
+have no intention of boring your ears with any sentimentality, as you
+are pleased to call it."
+
+This being uttered in a petulant tone, and Erpingham not liking to
+take the trouble of replying in the same tone, contented himself with
+indolently saying:
+
+"Well, well, don't be angry. Say what you please. I will bear it very
+patiently."
+
+Lord Spoonbill having but little time to spare, and being very desirous
+of unburthening his mind to his friend, suffered this kind of careless
+half-apology to extract from him the secret of his attachment to
+Penelope. Erpingham listened as attentively as he could to the story,
+and when it was finished he yawned out, "Ah! sure! But what assistance
+can I give you?"
+
+It was not very easy to answer that question. His lordship was more
+disposed indeed to ask questions than answer them, and therefore,
+instead of replying to the question of his friend, he said: "Now what
+would you advise me to do?"
+
+"Make her an offer of a handsome establishment. I suppose she is
+violently in love with you."
+
+"I cannot be quite sure of that," replied his lordship; "but I
+believe I am not quite disagreeable to her."
+
+"There is something in that," replied Erpingham; "but not much.
+According to your account of this Miss Primrose, it should seem
+that she is of a good family, and perhaps the arrangement that you
+contemplate would not be acceded to."
+
+"That," answered his lordship, "is what I most fear; and I will
+acknowledge to you that I am so far in love, that rather than lose her
+I would actually marry her."
+
+"Marry her," exclaimed the Epicurean; "marry her! Impossible!"
+Saying this, Erpingham roused himself from his indolent lounging
+posture, and with much greater energy than he was accustomed to use, he
+said: "Spoonbill, I am not much in the habit of either giving or
+taking advice, but I will for once so far advise you as to say, that if
+you contemplate marrying Miss Primrose, you must not on any account
+whatever make her any other offer."
+
+"Why so?" replied his booby lordship, with a stare of awkward
+astonishment.
+
+"Why so!" echoed his friend; "because, if the young lady has a proper
+sense of her own dignity, she will not accept an offer of marriage from
+one who has made her an offer of another description; and if she has
+not that sense of dignity, but merely makes a profitable market of your
+passion for her, she will despise you for a fond fool, and you, when
+your fondness is over, will look upon her as a cunning, artful baggage.
+I know nothing about Miss Primrose; but I am very sure that no woman
+is fit to be a wife who could ever forgive a proposal of a different
+description."
+
+The sagacious hereditary legislator could not understand this logic,
+and he stared at his friend as if he thought that he was crazy. "Bless
+my soul, Erpingham," at length he said, "what nonsense you are talking.
+I really cannot understand you. What can be more natural and regular
+than to offer her marriage, if she will not accept me on any other
+terms. You talk about hating sentimentality; I am sure you are now
+talking as much sentimentality as any one need wish to hear."
+
+Erpingham had exerted himself so much by the two last speeches which
+he had made, as not to wish to continue the discussion, or to undergo
+any more blundering interrogations from his noble friend; he therefore
+began to resume his indolent attitude, and said, "Well, do as you like
+best, Spoonbill, only remember I did not refuse my advice when you
+asked it. Will you stop now and take your dinner with me?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill was not any more disposed than his friend to carry on
+the discourse, and therefore declined the invitation to dine, and made
+the best of his way home again. As he rode homewards he attempted to
+think, but he found no small difficulty in that mental operation. There
+are some advertising schoolmasters who profess to teach their pupils to
+think; but as we were not educated in one of these thought-mongering
+seminaries, we cannot think how thinking can be taught. It may be
+possible, for the only impossibility in these days is to decide à
+priori that anything is impossible. But we do verily believe that,
+had Lord Spoonbill been at one of these establishments, he would have
+puzzled his preceptor as much as his preceptor would have puzzled him.
+
+By the time that his lordship had arrived at home he had come to
+the conclusion of his thinking, and the result was, that he thought
+Erpingham to be quite an altered man; and he also thought that he would
+not follow the ridiculous advice which his friend had given him.
+
+Penelope made her appearance at dinner, and looked, as Lord Spoonbill
+said, most divinely. How Lord Spoonbill should know what divine
+looks are, we cannot tell: perhaps he meant that Penelope looked
+like a parson. However Penelope might look at dinner, it is very
+certain that Lord Spoonbill looked very much at Penelope. But the
+young lady's thoughts were so pleasingly and agreeably engaged, and
+her anticipations were so delightful, that everybody and everything
+appeared agreeable to her. It was very different with the Countess of
+Smatterton. Her anticipations were not very pleasant: her ladyship
+apprehended that the return of Mr Primrose to England would be
+the destruction of her prospects, as far as they related to Miss
+Primrose. Having already observed that the young lady had manifested
+some reluctance to the public exhibition of her musical talents, the
+Countess very naturally supposed that Mr Primrose would indulge an only
+child in whatever fancy she might take up.
+
+It was unfortunate also for the Countess, that she could not easily
+suppress her feelings of displeasure or dissatisfaction when any
+of her favourite fancies were disappointed. Having already so far
+committed herself among her rival prodigy-fanciers as to make a kind
+of preliminary exhibition of her newly discovered wonder, her ladyship
+felt that it would be very mortifying indeed to make her appearance
+in town without fulfilling the high promises which she had made, and
+gratifying the expectations which she had raised.
+
+It is mortifying to spend money for nothing; but it is infinitely more
+mortifying to be at the expense of a prodigious deal of condescension
+to answer at last no good or self-gratifying end. This was the loss
+and the mortification which the Countess of Smatterton now suffered,
+or at least anticipated. Instead therefore of the usual courteous
+manner which her ladyship had hitherto manifested towards the niece
+of the late rector of Smatterton, there was coldness, haughtiness,
+and silence. The Earl of Smatterton had not so quick a perception as
+the Countess, and he had not anticipated any disappointment in the
+return of Penelope's father to England. His lordship still continued to
+sport the condescensions, and he did not take any notice whatever of
+her ladyship's fit of ill-humour. When stupid men are henpecked they
+often receive more pity than they need, for they are very frequently
+insensible to many of the ill-humours of their mates.
+
+Now, as the Countess was silent, an opportunity was offered for his
+lordship to talk. Happy would it be if all married people would talk
+only one at a time.
+
+"And so, Miss Primrose," thus spake the Earl of Smatterton, "I find
+that you expect shortly to see your father. It is a long while, I
+think, since you have seen him?"
+
+"It is sixteen years, my lord," answered Penelope.
+
+"Sixteen years!" repeated his lordship: "you will hardly recollect
+him. The meeting, I dare say, will be very interesting. And may I ask,
+what time in the day you expect your father?"
+
+"I fear it will be late in the day, my lord, for my father will not
+arrive in London till twelve or one o'clock. His letter tells me that
+he will call soon after that time at your lordship's house in town,
+where he supposes I now am."
+
+"He will be disappointed at not finding you in town," said Lord
+Smatterton.
+
+There was much truth in this last remark of his lordship's. The Earl
+was somewhat remarkable for the intense and unquestionable truth
+of many of his remarks. He was by no means given to what is called
+romancing. Indeed, so exquisitely and unquestionably true was this
+observation, that Penelope thought it needed not the corroboration of
+her assent, but that it must carry conviction to every mind. And so
+it did; and especially to the mind of the Countess, who immediately
+observed: "Perhaps it may be agreeable to Miss Primrose to go to town
+early to-morrow morning for the purpose of meeting her father."
+
+Her ladyship made this proposal because she had no desire to entertain
+Mr Primrose, and she thought that if Penelope was to be taken from her
+patronage at all, the sooner it was done the better. What prodigious
+lies patrons and patronesses do tell when they profess to have no
+other object in view than the welfare and happiness of those whom they
+patronise. The Countess of Smatterton had been pleasing herself with
+the thought that she should be the talk of the season, as producing
+and exhibiting such a prodigy as Miss Primrose; and her ladyship, who
+was very partial to thanks, had been enjoying the anticipation of
+Penelope's overpowering gratitude for such distinguished and desirable
+patronage. But when all these pleasant and agreeable speculations
+seemed to burst like a bubble, then was her ladyship very angry and
+morose; and it was her wish to let Penelope know how deeply the
+disappointment was felt. There were no words however which her ladyship
+could use expressive of her feelings, and at the same time reproachful
+to Miss Primrose. It was not Penelope's fault that her father, after
+an absence of sixteen years, was now returned to England; nor would it
+have been proper and just ground of rebuke that the young lady should
+be pleased at the thought of seeing her father again, and be ready
+to yield herself to his direction in preference to undergoing the
+precarious patronage of the great.
+
+Lady Smatterton was not the less ill-humoured because she had no just
+ground on which she might utter the language of expostulation and
+reproof to Penelope, but on the contrary her anger was greater: for had
+there been an opportunity of indulging in language of reproach, that
+very circumstance would have been a relief and consolation. It was not
+therefore with a very agreeable intonation nor with the accompaniment
+of the most gracious of all possible looks that her ladyship proposed
+that Penelope should go to town to meet her father. But the poor girl
+being happy in her own thoughts, and unconscious of anything done
+or said by her that could be offensive to the Countess, was quite
+unobservant of the harshness of her ladyship's manner, and thought
+only of the substantial kindness of the proposal. To the suggestion of
+the Countess Penelope therefore replied with grateful and pleasurable
+vivacity:
+
+"Your ladyship is extremely kind; and, if it is not giving too much
+trouble, I should certainly be happy to take the earliest opportunity
+of meeting my father."
+
+"It will be giving no trouble," hastily and sharply replied her
+ladyship; "there are coaches to town almost every hour. They will tell
+you in the housekeeper's room what time the first coach goes."
+
+Some high-spirited young ladies would have been mightily indignant
+at a reference from a nobleman's table to the housekeeper's room
+and stage-coaches. But Penelope was not so high-spirited; she was so
+completely occupied with the thought of an early meeting with her
+father, that nothing else was able to obtain possession of her mind.
+
+A momentary pause followed the last observation of the Countess; and
+then, in his own peculiarly majestic manner, the Earl of Smatterton
+said, "I am of opinion that it is not quite proper and suitable for a
+young lady to travel in a stage alone and unprotected."
+
+With exquisite, and as if premeditated, promptitude Lord Spoonbill
+replied, "Certainly not; but there will be no necessity for Miss
+Primrose going alone or in the stage-coach at all. I shall drive up to
+town tomorrow morning, and if the young lady will accept of a seat in
+my gig, I shall be most happy in her company."
+
+Hereupon a general family frowning took place. The Countess frowned at
+the Earl, his lordship frowned at Lord Spoonbill, and Lord Spoonbill
+frowned at the Countess; and if Penelope had not been too polite she
+would have laughed at all three. Lord Spoonbill, however, in spite of
+frowns, determined to have his own way, and seeing that Penelope was
+desirous of going to town, insisted on accompanying her.
+
+The Countess was next puzzled how to part with Miss Primrose; whether
+as concluding that the young lady would not return to her and adopt
+the profession which had been recommended by her ladyship, or as
+admitting the probability that Mr Primrose would not object to the
+public employment of his daughter's musical talents. For with all
+her ladyship's alarm at the return of Mr Primrose to England, it had
+not yet appeared that his return would interfere with her ladyship's
+schemes. The probability however was, that when there was no pecuniary
+necessity for the exercise of these talents, they would not be
+cultivated for public display.
+
+Before the Countess parted from Penelope for the night, her ladyship
+said, "Miss Primrose, as I presume that your father may not object to
+the profession which I have chosen for you, may I ask when it will be
+convenient for you to take lessons previous to your public appearance:
+for it is now time to think of that matter? Of course you know that I
+have engaged a preceptor for you?"
+
+The Countess of Smatterton had more fears than hopes on the subject,
+and as for Penelope herself, she had taken it for granted that the
+return of her father would of course release her from dependence
+on strangers, and consequently render all professional employment
+unnecessary. She was therefore startled at the question, but with
+tolerable promptitude and presence of mind, replied:
+
+"I am grateful for your ladyship's kindness. But, till I have seen my
+father, it is impossible to say when I can begin to apply myself to the
+instruction so kindly provided. I will return as soon as----"
+
+The Countess understood this sentence, and answered with rather more
+asperity than became a kind and condescending patron: "You need not
+trouble yourself to return to me, Miss Primrose, unless you please to
+accept of the instruction that I have provided for you. If I confer
+favours I expect to choose what favours I shall confer."
+
+Penelope made no reply, for her heart was full, and she thought of Mrs
+Greendale; but, under all this, the joy at the thought of her father's
+return kept her spirits from sinking.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+It was a very fine morning when Lord Spoonbill's gig was brought to
+the door to convey Penelope to London. The young lady was joyful even
+to tears. Hers was a joy of such intoxicating and almost bewildering
+nature, that it became necessary for her to exercise some restraint
+over herself, lest she should make herself ridiculous by ungoverned
+prating. Lord Spoonbill was also pleased with the commission which
+he had given to himself, to conduct the young lady to town. But his
+pleasure was mingled with thoughtfulness, and alloyed by meditating
+and contriving. He not been inexperienced in the winning of female
+affection, but he was conscious that there was in the mind of Penelope
+something widely different from and far superior to those with whom his
+former intimacies had been.
+
+Deeply and seriously did he endeavour to revolve in his mind the advice
+which he had received from his friend Erpingham. But his lordship's
+mind was unfortunately too narrow and contracted to afford room for
+anything to turn round in it. He tried and tried, but all to no
+purpose, to understand what Erpingham could possibly mean, when he
+said that a woman is not fit for a wife who can forgive an offer of a
+different description. His lordship, on the contrary, thought that a
+woman is not fit for a wife who is of an unforgiving disposition.
+
+So far indeed as his lordship's own personal feelings were concerned
+he would have had no objection whatever to offer his hand to Miss
+Primrose; an offer which he thought of course could not possibly be
+rejected. But then again he thought of his dignity; and he remembered
+how very severely he had spoken, and how very contemptibly he had
+thought, of some titled individuals who had so far compromised their
+dignity as to marry from the lower orders. Yet there was something so
+elegant and so naturally noble in Penelope's look, manner, expression,
+tone of voice, carriage and person, that nature itself seemed to have
+ennobled her. She seemed fitted for any station in society. This was
+all very true; but Lord Spoonbill could not for all this reconcile his
+mind to the thought of raising Miss Primrose to the exalted rank of
+the Spoonbill family. He was fearful too that the degradation would
+break his mother's heart. All these thoughts, if thoughts they might be
+called, with myriads more of the same complexion and tendency, passed
+through the mind, if mind he had any, of the son and heir of the Right
+Honorable the Earl of Smatterton.
+
+We have said it was a fine morning, and if two of the English nation
+can on such a morning travel together without talking about the
+fineness of the weather, when it is really fine, they are two that we
+have never seen, heard, or read of.
+
+"We have a beautiful morning for our ride, Miss Primrose," said Lord
+Spoonbill.
+
+"Beautiful, indeed," replied Penelope; and she said it with such
+energy, with such heart-bounding glee, as if the sun had never shewn
+her its cloudless face before. And never indeed had it shone so
+brightly before to her. There is something peculiarly and positively
+beautiful in a fine bright day in the midst of winter. The shortness
+of its light adds to its intensity and condenses its interest. But
+when there is sunshine within as well as without, and when the heart
+is young, pure, hopeful and buoyant, then is there felt a revelry of
+delight, a wantonness of happiness. So felt Penelope on this bright
+and brilliant winter's morning. And when there was added to the joyous
+feeling within and to the effect of the spirit-stirring anticipation
+with which she set out on her journey, the bracing and sharpening
+of an almost frosty air, her fine countenance was suffused with as
+brilliant a hue as ever graced the human countenance. As far as life
+excels the art of the sculptor, so far did the countenance of Penelope
+on this morning's journey excel in brightness and beauty its ordinary
+expression. "We are not stocks and stones." So thought Lord Spoonbill
+when he gazed on the lovely one who sat beside him. He almost felt the
+majesty of loveliness, and was almost awed into reverence.
+
+And did not the thought then occur to his lordship, that the scheme
+which he was meditating must of necessity destroy that peace, that
+happiness, that purity, which now formed so lovely and interesting a
+picture? Did not some recollection of beauty prematurely fading, of
+the burning blushes of self-reproach, of the convulsive throbbings
+of breaking hearts, of memory burdened and writhing under the agony
+of thoughts it cannot bear and cannot forget, come into the mind of
+the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill? Did he not recollect poor Ellen,
+lovely in her simplicity, happy in her innocence, the light of her home
+and the joy of her widowed mother's heart? And did he not think of that
+same Ellen dropping the tears of agonizing penitence on that mother's
+dying pillow, and wandering now, for aught he knew to the contrary, a
+houseless, shivering, desolate outcast?
+
+No such thoughts entered his mind. Selfishness and sensuality
+predominated over, or excluded all other feelings. He used all
+the art of which he was master to render himself agreeable to his
+companion during their short journey. He also exerted all his power of
+observation to see whether any symptoms betrayed an interest in him
+on the part of Penelope. But in the brightness of her looks, and the
+joyousness of her features, no other emotions were visible and no other
+thoughts could be read. His lordship was convinced that he could not
+possibly live without her, and he resolved that at all events he would
+make known his admiration by words as well as by looks. Like all the
+rest of the world, preferring his own judgment to the advice of any
+other, he determined that the offer of marriage should be reserved till
+he should ascertain that no other was likely to succeed.
+
+The journey was soon over. They arrived at the Earl of Smatterton's
+town mansion full two hours before it was likely that Mr Primrose
+should be in town. Ten thousand thanks were given by the grateful
+Penelope for the kindness of his lordship, and unnumbered
+acknowledgments of the goodness and condescension of the Earl and
+Countess of Smatterton. Such were the joyous feelings of the young
+lady, that these thanks and acknowledgments were expressed with unusual
+earnestness and warmth of manner; and such was the modesty of Lord
+Spoonbill, that for himself and for his right honorable parents he
+disclaimed all right and title to such a profusion of thanks.
+
+"I beg, Miss Primrose," said his modest lordship, "that you will not
+so overwhelm us with your thanks. We are but too happy in having had it
+in our power to afford you any little accommodation."
+
+"Oh my lord, you are very kind, very kind. But I am almost afraid that
+I have said or done something to offend her ladyship, the Countess;
+for, when I took my leave last night, her ladyship spoke to me as in
+anger. I fear I did wrong in so readily accepting the offer to come to
+town to meet my father."
+
+To the ear of Lord Spoonbill there was something exceedingly graceful
+and musical in the tone with which this language was uttered. There
+is indeed an indescribable beauty in the accents of a grateful mind
+fearful of having offended its benefactor. His lordship was aware of
+his mother's feelings on the subject of the probable loss of Penelope,
+and his lordship was himself also fearful of losing her. But he did
+not use the language of harshness under that apprehension, he sought
+rather to retain her by kindness of expression. Assuming therefore an
+unusual tenderness and considerateness of manner, he took the young
+lady's hand, as if unconsciously, but in truth designedly, and holding
+the hand with sufficient firmness to prevent it being withdrawn, but
+not so as to excite suspicion or thought of intentional seriousness, he
+said:
+
+"I am very sorry that anything which the Countess may have said, has
+given you uneasiness; but my mother has a peculiar earnestness and
+hastiness of manner, that you have mistaken for anger. No one can ever
+be offended with Miss Primrose."
+
+There was a little pause, during which Lord Spoonbill endeavoured to
+catch a glance of the expression of Penelope's countenance, without
+appearing to make any particular observation; and, in this short
+pause, Penelope almost sighed. Lovers delight to hear sighs, and Lord
+Spoonbill was especially pleased at this symptom of emotion in Miss
+Primrose. Retaining her hand therefore, and softening his tone down to
+deeper tenderness, he continued:
+
+"The Countess no doubt will be sorry to lose you, if the return of your
+father necessarily involves that condition. But let us hope that may
+not be the case."
+
+Having thus spoken, his lordship pressed the young lady's hand more
+emphatically, and sighed. Now, by rights, Penelope should at this have
+started up, and suddenly withdrawing her hand, knitting her brows,
+advancing three steps backward and darting a look of indignation at
+his lordship, should have exclaimed, "Unhand me, my lord; what is the
+meaning of this language?" But Penelope neither did nor said anything
+of the kind. For the word 'unhand' was not in her dictionary, and she
+had been too long acquainted with Lord Spoonbill to expect that he
+should be able to explain the meaning of all he said. There was also
+another reason why the young lady did not thus express indignation
+and astonishment; namely, that having no suspicion of the views or
+intentions of his lordship, she did not observe or rightly interpret
+his language and his sigh. In addition to this, it may be also supposed
+that the expectation of her father's arrival had some influence in
+rendering her unobservant of everything else.
+
+Emboldened by the unresisting manner in which Penelope listened to his
+conversation, his lordship proceeded to speak less equivocally, and
+grasping with both his hands the still unremoved hand of Penelope, and
+assuming a look and tone of tenderness, he said:
+
+"Pardon me, Miss Primrose, if I seize this first and perhaps last
+opportunity of avowing how dearly I do love you."
+
+His lordship was about to say much more on the same interesting topic,
+but Miss Primrose interrupted him. The manner in which the interruption
+was given was rather singular, and did not seem at all favorable to his
+lordship's hopes. For, instead of looking serious and frowning and
+attitudinizing, the young lady merely withdrew her hand, and said with
+a smile:
+
+"My lord, I hope you are only jesting; but my feelings are too much
+interested with the thought of presently meeting my father, to allow me
+now even to enter into the humour of a jest."
+
+Thereupon his lordship rose from his seat, laid his hand upon his
+heart, and directed to Miss Primrose a look, which would, on the stage,
+have called down deafening plaudits from the back of the one shilling
+gallery to the front row of the pit, and with indescribable earnestness
+exclaimed, "By heavens, Miss Primrose, I am serious!"
+
+To that declaration the young lady replied seriously, "Then, my lord, I
+am very sorry to hear it."
+
+Thus speaking, Penelope went towards the window, leaving his lordship
+to think what he should say next. The enamoured hereditary legislator
+then, undaunted by the smiles or frowns of Miss Primrose, followed the
+young lady to the window, and in less impassioned but mildly persuasive
+tones continued his address, saying:
+
+"Miss Primrose, may I request of you the favor to hear me?"
+
+"Certainly, my lord," replied Penelope, "if you will hear me
+first."
+
+"Most willingly," replied his lordship.
+
+"Then, my lord," continued Penelope, "I must be permitted to say that
+I feel very much hurt and surprised at what you have already said.
+You have recalled to my mind thoughts that I would willingly have
+forgotten; this allusion will suffice to let your lordship understand
+the state of my feelings. I hope you will forbear the unpleasant
+discussion. Indeed"--here her voice was feebler, and her lip quivered,
+and the full tear was in her eyes, and her whole frame trembled, but
+she did not look the less lovely for this emotion; summoning an effort,
+she continued, "For mercy's sake, my lord, let me meet my father as
+composedly as I possibly can. In less than an hour he will be here.
+Pray do not rob our meeting of its happiness."
+
+In saying this she threw herself into the nearest chair, and covering
+her face with her handkerchief she sobbed and wept, and in spite of
+herself thought of Robert Darnley. The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill
+also sat down, and thought of Nick Muggins and the indescribable pony.
+But his lordship neither wept nor blushed. We record this fact rather
+for its truth than its beauty. It seems indeed an encouragement to such
+sparks as, in their transgressions, sometimes feel remorse; for it is
+as much as to say that, by practice, they will become so familiarized
+with meanness and cruelty as to cease to feel ashamed of them.
+
+His lordship for a few minutes was silent. But as soon as Penelope
+was a little more composed, he said; "I am very much concerned,
+Miss Primrose, for the uneasiness which I have occasioned you, and
+so far from wishing to interrupt the happiness of your meeting with
+your father I will retire, that you may compose yourself. Only let me
+request that I may have the honor of being introduced to Mr Primrose
+after your first meeting is over."
+
+This was all very rational and proper, and the kind, considerate manner
+in which it was spoken pleased Penelope very much, and she made her
+acknowledgments for the kindness with so much grace as to fascinate his
+lordship more than ever. He thought he had never seen so lovely and
+interesting a creature in his life. He apologized for having introduced
+such a subject so inopportunely, and attributed it solely to the fear
+that the arrival of her father might preclude him from speaking on the
+subject at a future time.
+
+When the poor girl was left alone, it was no easy matter for her to
+arrange her scattered thoughts and to bring herself back to that state
+of holiday extasy with which she had begun the day. Nor was much
+time afforded her for the purpose; for, not many minutes after the
+departure of Lord Spoonbill, the arrival of Mr Primrose was announced.
+There seemed to Penelope to be scarcely any interval between hearing a
+carriage stop at the door, and finding herself embraced in the arms of
+her long lost father.
+
+Over a scene like this all modest dramatists would drop the curtain,
+knowing that imagination would be rather impeded than assisted by
+farther exhibition.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+To continue that reference to the drama with which the preceding
+chapter was concluded, it may be remarked that, when the curtain has
+fallen thus abruptly on one scene, the spectators do not anticipate
+that, on its being drawn up again, the eye should be greeted with any
+continuation of that scene; but rather do they look for some great and
+decided transition. Our readers therefore will not now be surprised if
+we take them back again to Neverden and Smatterton. They are pleasant
+villages, and their inhabitants are for the most part unartificial
+people.
+
+It is a fact worthy of notice, and we have no doubt that our observant
+readers have already remarked it, that all the personages in those
+two villages of whom we have yet spoken, have had that delectable and
+pleasing feeling of their own importance, by which they have considered
+that the world has been under infinite obligations to them. To have
+that feeling strongly and genuinely, is a real happiness; and if there
+has ever been any human being whom we have envied, it has been P. P.,
+clerk of this parish, especially while he was writing his own memoirs.
+To endeavour to rob any one of this sense, is cruel, heart-rendingly
+cruel and barbarous; but fortunately for human happiness, this robbery
+cannot easily be effected.
+
+But though the good people of these villages had this feeling in a very
+high and pure degree, yet it is not altogether confined to them; and
+if the Reverend Mr Darnley, in his vigintennial visits to London, has
+been rather angry and offended at the rude behaviour of the people in
+the streets who have jostled and driven against him, without having
+the grace to move their hats to him, that self-same Mr Darnley has
+in his turn inflicted upon a distinguished inhabitant of the great
+metropolis as serious a mortification as his reverence experienced from
+metropolitan neglect.
+
+We have introduced to our readers the Rev. Charles Pringle; we have
+now to introduce that gentleman's first-cousin, Zephaniah Pringle,
+Esq. This illustrious personage was not a native, but had long been an
+inhabitant, of the great metropolis, and, according to his own view of
+the matter, a great ornament to it. He was a literary man. He had been
+destined by his parents for agricultural pursuits, but his genius was
+above them. The circumstances, the trifling circumstances, which tend
+to develope the powers of the mind and to direct the energies into
+their proper channel, are always worthy of notice. Everybody knows the
+story of Sir Isaac Newton and the apple. But everybody does not know,
+but soon will know, the circumstances which made Zephaniah Pringle a
+critic.
+
+When Zephaniah was about twelve years old he was taken to Smatterton by
+his father, who had to make a call of business on Mr Kipperson. While
+Mr Pringle and Mr Kipperson were engaged in looking at some cattle
+which the latter had to dispose of, young Pringle was gaping about
+in the library, and admiring with great veneration all its literary
+wonders; but that which most powerfully arrested his attention was
+a plaister bust of Dr Johnson. And when the agricultural gentlemen
+returned to the library, Zephaniah, pointing to the bust, said,
+"Father, was that there thick-headed man a heathen philosopher?"
+
+Mr Kipperson, who was pleased with the young gentleman's manifestation
+of a taste for literature and philosophy, kindly corrected the
+misapprehension of the youth, and said, "No, my lad, the heathen
+philosophers did not wear wigs. That is a bust of Dr Johnson, the
+celebrated critic and lexicographer."
+
+Zephaniah, with open mouth and expanded eyes, stared his thanks to Mr
+Kipperson, who immediately asked the young gentleman if he was fond of
+reading. To which he replied in the affirmative. Whereupon Mr Kipperson
+kindly lent the youth Boswell's Life of Dr Johnson.
+
+From that moment young Pringle felt an irresistible impulse to become
+a man of letters; and with a view to gratify that ambition, his father
+was kind enough to let him have another quarter's Latin, in order to
+give him an opportunity to perfect himself in classical literature.
+
+Thus qualified, the young man in due time went up to London. In the
+great metropolis he soon divested himself of the rusticity of his
+manners, and after some few failures in the first instance, for want
+of knowing the proper knack of writing, he soon acquired a tolerable
+facility, and absolutely once wrote something that was talked
+about. From that moment he never saw two people talking together in
+a bookseller's shop, without fancying that they were talking about
+Zephaniah Pringle.
+
+He took great pains to imitate Dr Johnson; but his literary companions
+detected him and laughed at him. He had but a slender frame and a
+slender voice; and when he attempted the oracular and the pompous
+style, it was like playing the Hallelujah Chorus on a fife. He could
+not adopt the doctor's Jacobitism, but he took instead of that a double
+extra super-Eldon high Toryism. And in religion, not that he ever went
+to church, he was decidedly of opinion that all dissenters and Roman
+Catholics were convinced that the church of England was the only true
+church, but that they would not conform merely out of spite. It was
+his opinion that the Duke of Wellington would never have driven the
+French out of Spain, had he not always made a point of hearing all his
+soldiers every day say the church catechism.
+
+He had a praiseworthy and prodigious horror of gymnastics; they came
+from Greece, and the ancient Greeks were republicans. In his notion of
+mechanics' institutes he was exceedingly ungrateful to Mr Kipperson,
+who patronized him and them too; and when Mr Kipperson once proposed
+to establish a mechanics' institute at Smatterton for the benefit of
+the agricultural operatives, this Zephaniah Pringle had the impudence
+to write him a long letter on the subject, accusing him of a design to
+subvert the established church, and convert England into a republic. Mr
+Kipperson gave up the scheme, not because of this letter, but because,
+when he assembled the people of the village in one of his barns to read
+them a lecture on hydrostatics, every soul of them fell fast asleep.
+
+There was another subject on which Mr Zephaniah Pringle had very strong
+opinions,--viz. West India slavery. He very properly laughed at the
+absurdity of supposing that negroes have the slightest objection
+to be flogged to death; and he knew that the only object which the
+abolitionists had in view, was to overturn the established church.
+
+Mr Zephaniah Pringle had a most exquisite conceit of his own
+superlative wisdom and penetration. This gentleman must have
+experienced therefore a sensation of great delight in taking his
+important self down to Smatterton to visit Mr Kipperson and surprise
+the natives. But how great must have been his astonishment, when
+introduced by Mr Kipperson at the rectory of Neverden, to find that Mr
+Darnley the elder had never heard of the name and fame of Zephaniah
+Pringle. He consoled himself, however, with the reflection, that many
+other names great as his own were equally unknown to this obscure
+village parson.
+
+Finding that the young ladies of Mr Darnley's family were addicted to
+reading, the critic kindly administered his gratuitous and unasked
+commentaries on divers modern and ancient authors. He astonished the
+daughters of the rector of Neverden by opinions hitherto unheard
+and unthought of. The confidence of his manner passed for wisdom and
+decided apprehension of the subjects on which he spoke; and as he took
+care to let it be thoroughly understood that all who differed from him
+were fools, and as literary young ladies do not like to be considered
+fools, they of course assented to Zephaniah Pringle's opinions on
+literary topics.
+
+In his conversation with Mr Darnley the younger he found that,
+by talking literature, he did not seem to magnify himself to his
+heart's content; for Robert Darnley did not believe that critics
+were conjurors. The genius then had recourse to talk concerning
+those persons of high style and dignity with whom he had the honor
+to be acquainted. Among other great names, he mentioned that of Lord
+Smatterton, and the scarcely less illustrious name of Lord Spoonbill.
+
+"You are acquainted then with Lord Spoonbill?" said Robert Darnley.
+
+"Oh yes, perfectly well," replied the critic.
+
+"And pray what kind of man is this Lord Spoonbill? for, though the
+family resides in the next village, I am totally unacquainted with
+them."
+
+"Lord Spoonbill himself is the best creature in the world. The Earl
+of Smatterton is a proud, haughty man, like the rest of the Whig
+aristocracy."
+
+"Then Lord Spoonbill is not so very proud?"
+
+"I cannot say that Lord Spoonbill is altogether without pride. He has
+very high notions; but his manner is not pompous like his father's. And
+he can be very agreeable, though he is by no means a man of any great
+share of intellect."
+
+"I have heard him spoken of," replied Robert Darnley, "as being a
+very profligate man."
+
+"I believe," said the critic, "he is rather gay, but not more so than
+most young men of his rank. The finest joke in the world is, that
+his father, the Earl of Smatterton, thinks that he is one of the
+gravest and steadiest young men of the age, and quotes him as such
+accordingly. But the fact is, that his lordship has lately taken under
+his protection a lady, now received at Lord Smatterton's table."
+
+Robert Darnley could not believe his own senses. The language which
+he now heard from Zephaniah Pringle seemed to allude plainly enough
+to Penelope, but it could not be possible, he thought, that a young
+lady of such high and pure spirit as Miss Primrose could ever submit
+to an arrangement so truly humiliating. Suppressing and concealing his
+agitation as well as he could, he endeavoured to ascertain from the man
+of letters what was really the fact concerning Lord Spoonbill and this,
+as yet unnamed, young lady.
+
+"Surely, Mr Pringle, you do not mean to say that Lord Spoonbill has
+a lady in keeping, whom he introduces to his father's table? This is
+really beyond all credence."
+
+"But indeed, sir, I do mean it," replied Zephaniah the critic: "and,
+if you have never heard the story, I can tell you all the particulars."
+
+"It is no business of mine," said Darnley, "but I do feel curious
+to know the particulars of so very singular a case, as a young man
+bringing a kept lady to his father's own table."
+
+"It is not altogether so," replied Mr Pringle; "but I will tell you
+exactly how the case stands; I know Spoonbill very intimately."
+
+This last expression was uttered as everybody would naturally suppose
+such an expression would be uttered by such a man. After thoroughly
+enjoying the high and refined satisfaction of having said, "I know
+Spoonbill very intimately," the loyal and religious critic proceeded:
+
+"You must remember old Greendale, the rector of Smatterton, who was my
+cousin's predecessor in the living. He died a very short time before
+you returned from India. This old man had a very pretty niece, you
+know; you must remember her, for I understand that she lived with old
+Dr Greendale from her infancy."
+
+"Oh, certainly," said Darnley, with much effort concealing the
+agitation which he felt; "I remember her very well, her name is
+Primrose; but you surely do not mean to say that Miss Primrose is
+living under the protection of Lord Spoonbill?"
+
+Hereupon Mr Pringle did somewhat hesitate and say, "Why, why--I cannot
+exactly say that--that she is absolutely living under his protection.
+She is rather living under the protection of Lady Smatterton as yet.
+You perhaps may not know that Miss Primrose has a remarkably fine
+voice, and is in fact a first-rate vocalist: now Lady Smatterton is a
+great patroness of musical talent, and has taken a fancy to bring Miss
+Primrose out this season as a public singer, and Lord Spoonbill has
+made proposals, which I believe have been accepted by the lady; and she
+is to be under his lordship's protection as soon as she leaves Lord
+Smatterton's house, and that will be very soon. That is the true state
+of the case. I wonder you have never heard of it before; for though
+you have been from India a very short time, yet in country places
+intelligence flies very rapidly."
+
+"Well, you astonish me," said Mr Darnley the younger; "I could not
+have thought that a young lady, brought up by such an exemplary and
+virtuous man as the late Dr Greendale, should ever condescend to live
+upon those terms with the first nobleman in the kingdom."
+
+"Oh, sir," replied the knowing critic, "you do not understand the
+heart, especially the female heart. There is something in title and
+splendour so fascinating to the weaker sex, that few can resist its
+influence. I have observed and studied the human mind in all its
+various attitudes, and I have lived in the world long enough to cease
+to be astonished at anything I hear or see. In such an outlandish place
+as India you see nothing and learn nothing. London is the only place
+where the human character can be thoroughly and properly studied."
+
+Much more to the same purpose did the fluent cousin of the new rector
+of Smatterton say to the son of the rector of Neverden. But Robert
+Darnley heard him and heeded him not. Deeply did the intelligence
+concerning Penelope sink into his mind, and painfully did he revolve
+the idle gossip of the loyal and religious critic, who had properly
+and thoroughly studied human nature, in his lodgings in Fetter lane,
+Holborn.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+The day which followed immediately after the above-mentioned
+conversation, was destined for a grand dinner party at the mansion
+of Sir George Aimwell, Bart. Preparations were made for a splendid
+entertainment. It was not an easy matter to get together a large
+party in that neighbourhood without admitting to the table some
+individuals of dubious dignity. There was, for instance, the equivocal
+Mr Kipperson, at once landlord and tenant, gentleman and farmer; but
+then he was so zealous a friend to the interest of agriculture. He was
+so thoroughly enlightened on the corn question, that the great men of
+Smatterton and Neverden could not but respect him. Sir George Aimwell
+also liked Mr Kipperson, because he was a bad shot, and had so ardent a
+zeal against poachers.
+
+This party was assembled, among other objects, for the purpose of
+welcoming to England the son of the rector of Neverden. But Robert
+Darnley was by no means in spirits for the enjoyment of festivity. He
+was sorry for what he had heard from Zephaniah Pringle, and he was
+angry that he was sorry, and then again sorry that he was angry.
+
+It had been unfortunate for him that there had been such silence
+observed on the subject of his correspondence and acquaintance with
+Penelope. Scarcely any one but the parties concerned knew anything
+of the matter. Mr Kipperson suspected it, and the Smatterton family
+had been informed of it by Mr Darnley, because the reverend gentleman
+thought it but respectful to let them into the secret. As for Sir
+George Aimwell, he scarcely knew or thought of anything, except
+administering justice and killing birds. The Reverend Charles Pringle,
+rector of Smatterton, was also quite unaware of the existence of any
+correspondence between Robert Darnley and Penelope Primrose. No wonder
+then that, under the present awkward circumstances, and with the false
+account which Zephaniah, the critic, had brought from London, there
+should be in the hearing of Robert Darnley much conversation by no
+means agreeable to his feelings, or soothing to his mind.
+
+When the party began to assemble they began also to talk: but at the
+first their talk was very desultory and common-place. The worthy
+baronet was congratulated by Mr Kipperson on having caught a poacher,
+and was condoled with by the same gentleman on having lost almost his
+whole brood of pheasants. It is astonishing that any one can be so
+simple as not to see that pheasants were obviously created to be shot
+by gentlemen and noblemen only, or their gamekeepers. There was also
+much talk about horses and dogs, and the poor-rates, and Mr Malthus,
+and parish settlements, and the agricultural interest.
+
+It is very erroneously stated by many persons, both in writing
+and in speaking, that the period between the first arrival of the
+company and the serving up of the dinner is most weary, stale, flat
+and unprofitable. But as there is no spot of earth so barren as not
+to produce some curiosity to reward the toil and gratify the taste
+of the botanist, so there is no attitude or condition of our being
+which may not yield some fruit of instruction and amusement to the
+moral botanist. We deserve the thanks of our readers for much that
+we communicate in the way of information and amusement, but perhaps
+for nothing so much as for directing their attention to the great and
+valuable truth, that even the usually-considered dreary half hour
+before dinner is not absolutely barren and worthless. Peradventure
+also, by directing the attention to this matter, we may prevent many a
+dinner from being spoiled, because we thus present a strong inducement
+to an early arrival. He that arrives first is pretty certain that the
+rest of the company can have no opportunity of pulling his character
+to pieces behind his back. For when the host expresses to the rest of
+his party his wonder that Mr Smith is not come, then the good people
+who are hungry and impatient begin to talk about Mr Smith, and they use
+him ungently, treating his transgressions with no candour, and honoring
+his virtues with no encomium. There is also something very curious in
+observing the different effects which dining produces on different
+persons. Some will enter the drawing-room brimfull of intelligence,
+telling everybody everything that everybody knows, and nobody cares
+about. There are people who entertain the strange notion that tongues
+were made to talk about mere matters of fact; and when they have said
+their say, they are silent for the rest of the evening. There are again
+others who, before dinner, look as wise and as stupid as owls; who seem
+at a most painful loss what to do with their hands, or their feet,
+or their eyes; who having no motive to look at one object in the room
+more than at another, let their eyes roll unmeaningly and incessantly
+about as if they were endeavouring to keep them open without looking
+at anything. But when these apparently inanimate imitations of Chinese
+Mandarins have had their dinner, their looks are brightened and
+their tongues loosened, and as before dinner they seemed as if they
+were wishing most ardently for an opportunity to simper at something
+which might be said by another, they after dinner give forth that
+which interests and delights. The period before dinner is also one
+of great importance for the exhibition of personal decoration. Then,
+and then only, has dress its right display, and its full complement
+of observers. In this brief digression it is impossible to enter into
+one half, or one twentieth of the particulars which may interest and
+delight an observant mind. "Sermons in stones and good in everything,"
+is one of the most true and most valuable expressions which the pen of
+Shakspeare ever wrote. But to proceed.
+
+There was, as we have said above, much miscellaneous talk before dinner
+at this "grand miscellaneous" entertainment, given by Sir George
+Aimwell. Mr Kipperson strutted about the room with his hands in his
+pockets, looking as wise as a conjuror and as pleased as Punch, saying
+something scientific or agricultural to every one there. The Reverend
+Charles Pringle made his appearance also time enough to show the
+company how possible it was to violate the decorum of clerical attire
+without actually transgressing the literal regulations. Lady Aimwell
+received much of that gentleman's polite attention; and the daughters
+of Mr Darnley were also not unnoticed. The new rector of Smatterton
+was very clever at conundrums, some new ones of his own making were
+graciously communicated to the young ladies. Zephaniah Pringle, the
+critic, was pleased to look very important, and to feel his dignity and
+intellectuality mightily hurt, because the talk, such as it was, had
+no interest for him. He was much at a loss to think how it was possible
+for human beings to take an interest in such unintellectual things as
+corn, cattle, game and poor-laws; and he thought the people were great
+blockheads because they talked about what concerned themselves. Robert
+Darnley received the congratulations of his friends; but he received
+them coldly, for his mind was not at ease.
+
+Now after much talk, miscellaneous and desultory, several of the party,
+while yet they were waiting for dinner, congregated together at one of
+the windows, and their talk was almost in whispers. Zephaniah Pringle
+was one of that select committee, and he was speaking very gravely and
+very knowingly, and Sir George Aimwell was looking as much as to say,
+"I am very sorry for it." Mr Darnley the elder was also one of the
+whispering group, and looked as serious and solemn as any one of them;
+and every now and then he turned his eyes suspiciously and inquiringly
+towards his son. The young gentleman more than suspected what was the
+subject of their discourse; and as the rector of Neverden was the only
+one of the party who had any suspicion of the interest which Robert
+Darnley took in the person concerning whom the discussion was made,
+they did not very carefully subdue and suppress their voices, but they
+spoke loudly enough to be heard in their whispering, and the name of
+Primrose was heard by Robert Darnley, and in spite of his high spirit
+he felt sick at heart. And though he felt little appetite for dinner,
+he was glad of the announcement, which relieved him from hearing, or
+rather fancying that he heard, talk that told of the shame of Penelope.
+
+Oh, that our pen could write strongly as our heart feels against those
+villanous, viper-souled, low-minded, merciless reptiles, who, from
+motives too grovelling and dirty to be analyzed, impertinently by their
+ill-digested calumnies, mutilate and mangle the fairest reputation,
+and sully the purest characters. Never can such vermin be sufficiently
+punished or adequately vituperated, for they are absolutely incapable
+of feeling such racking mental agonies as they inflict on others.
+What could such a heartless puppy as Zephaniah Pringle feel of mental
+and heart-rending agony, compared with that which Robert Darnley
+experienced, when he had reason to think that the high-minded,
+clear-souled Penelope, whom he had loved for her purity, her moral as
+well as personal beauty, had so far forgotten all good feelings and
+all high thoughts as to sink down into a character for which refined
+language has no name?
+
+The baronet's table was splendidly covered, and the guests were as
+well pleased in demolishing as the cook had been in constructing and
+compiling the various specimens of culinary art. Sir George Aimwell
+paid, as was proper, especial attention to Robert Darnley, and
+endeavoured to draw the young man into conversation, or, more properly
+speaking, to provoke him into narrative. To such questions as were
+asked he gave an ample and intelligent answer, but he proceeded no
+further; he did not seem desirous to obtrude himself upon the attention
+of the company.
+
+Table-talk was by no means the forte of the worthy baronet; but when
+he had a party he generally exerted himself: and as he was very well
+aware that, in his own proper person, and from his own peculiar stores,
+he was by no means a man of talk, he very considerately endeavoured to
+set in motion other tongues than his own. On the present occasion he
+thought, that as Mr Robert Darnley had been long abroad, he would most
+likely be best able to entertain the guests. But when the hospitable
+host observed how very slowly and reluctantly the young man brought
+out the stores of his information, he next directed his attention to
+Zephaniah Pringle, who was not so reserved. He spoke fluently, and
+readily, and oracularly. Sir George, though not a man of letters, was
+ready enough to indulge his guests, or to suffer them, if they would,
+to indulge themselves, with literary conversation; and it was a great
+happiness to Zephaniah Pringle to let the inhabitants of Smatterton
+and Neverden know how great a man was in their company. Yet there was
+a little abatement from the purity and intensity of that enjoyment,
+in the observing how inapt they seemed to be in comprehending which
+were the first publications of the day, and which were productions of
+inferior note. Some of the party asked strange things about reviews and
+magazines, and Zephaniah was astonished that there should be in any
+part of Great Britain such complete, total darkness, and intellectual
+neglect, as that his own peculiar periodical should be altogether
+unknown even by name. He attributed their ignorance to mere spite, or
+thought that Lord Smatterton, being a Whig, had made it a point to
+conceal from his country neighbours the existence of that periodical,
+which, by the means of pastry-cooks and tobacconists, had an immense
+circulation in the metropolis. The daughters of Mr Darnley listened
+with much reverence to the oracles of Zephaniah the critic, and they
+thought him prodigiously wise, because he thought differently from
+everybody else. They asked his opinion of every book which they
+remembered having read: and they endeavoured to persuade themselves to
+entertain the same opinions as he did.
+
+If our readers imagine that, from what we have said concerning
+the daughters of the rector of Neverden, these young ladies were
+superficial simpletons, we are desirous of removing such impression.
+They were not conceitedly confident in their own judgment; and, as they
+were not much in the way of seeing or hearing literary pretenders and
+intellectual quacks, they gave Zephaniah Pringle credit for all that he
+assumed. They did not think very highly of themselves, and therefore
+they readily yielded assent to the oracles of one who appeared so
+competent and able to give an opinion. Many others, besides the
+daughters of Mr Darnley, have been at a first, or even second interview
+with Zephaniah, very greatly deceived as to the height, the depth, and
+the breadth, of the critic's understanding.
+
+This part of our narrative, though not directly tending to the
+developement of the history, we could not consent to pass by unnoticed;
+for though it may not be very entertaining, it is instructive, and
+it affords us an opportunity of giving a valuable hint to our young
+readers. The hint to which we allude, is to caution them against too
+much modesty. Only suppose, for instance, that such an empty-headed
+coxcomb as Zephaniah Pringle had entertained a fair opinion of his own
+understanding, or that he had underrated his own intellectual powers
+and stores, who would ever have found out that he was superior to what
+he assumed? Who would have taken the trouble to urge him to assume a
+higher rank? Not one. But now that he set himself up for a great one,
+who was to detect the hollowness of his pretensions? Not above one in
+a hundred. And who would take the trouble to expose him? Not one in a
+thousand. And who would take notice of the exposure? Not one in ten
+thousand.
+
+In our next edition we will cancel this last paragraph, if we find
+that modesty has ever made its owner rich or celebrated. Modesty is
+certainly very much to be praised, and if we were candidate for any
+situation of honor or emolument, or even for a good seat in a theatre,
+we should very much approve of the modesty of such as, having power to
+rival us, would meekly and quietly stand out of our way.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+During the night which followed the grand dinner given by Sir George
+Aimwell, Robert Darnley scarcely slept a single hour. He retired to
+his apartment full of bitter and distracting thoughts, almost tempted
+to believe that there was truth in the foul libels that thoughtless
+blockheads have uttered and written concerning the gentler sex. He said
+to himself, "Frailty! thy name is woman." He was so grieved, so pierced
+to the heart's core, that he forgot for a while all that he had heard,
+read, or witnessed of woman's devout affection, unwearied kindness,
+heroic attachment, and moral sublimity. And he thought not of the
+patience with which woman bears the peevishness of our infancy, the
+selfishness of our riper years, and the capricious fretfulness of our
+declining age. He was for a while angry and contemptuous, professing
+to himself an indifference which he did not feel, and fancying
+himself superior to that weakness under which he was writhing and
+labouring in bitter agony. Then there was a change in the complexion
+of his thoughts, and as the angry passions yielded to the approaching
+drowsiness which health must periodically experience, more tender and
+more gentle thoughts subdued him. The eyelids were scarcely closed,
+when imagination threw her rainbow light on past days, and there stood
+before him, not quite in a dream, the image of Penelope--lovely,
+bright, and living. The momentary vision melted him, and the effort
+to retain it banished it. Slowly his slumbers crept again upon him,
+and the vision was more distinct, and he could hear again that sweet
+voice with which he had been enraptured, and there was in his heart a
+repetition of that swell of feeling with which he had years ago taken
+his leave of her. So passed the night.
+
+When morning came again, it found the young man unrefreshed and
+unrested. But in the family of the rector of Neverden there was
+great regularity and punctuality. Robert Darnley therefore made his
+appearance at breakfast at the usual hour. It was impossible not to
+see that his mind was painfully disturbed, and it was also equally
+impossible not to conjecture the cause of its agitation.
+
+A very unpleasant restraint sat upon the whole party. Mr Darnley the
+elder would not speak on the subject of his son's altered appearance,
+and Mrs Darnley and her daughters were reluctant to introduce any
+mention of the matter, unsanctioned by Mr Darnley. The hour of
+breakfast was usually to that family a season of social and cheerful
+talk, but on the present occasion there was silence and restraint; and
+as they abstained from addressing themselves to Robert, they also
+abstained from talking to one another. When breakfast was over Mr
+Darnley desired his son's presence in the study.
+
+Robert Darnley knew he was destined to undergo a lecture, and he braced
+himself up to bear it with filial resignation. The young man's father
+prided himself on the fluency with which he could talk in the way of
+admonition, and we believe that he derived almost as much pleasure from
+these exhibitions as his auditors did profit. Sir George Aimwell used
+to say, that instead of sending poachers to gaol, it would be a better
+plan to send them to Mr Darnley to be talked to; for the worthy baronet
+thought that they would not readily expose themselves to the risk of
+a second infliction. Those of our readers who have never been talked
+to will not be able to sympathize with Robert Darnley; those who have,
+will pity him from the bottom of their hearts.
+
+The young man promptly obeyed his father's commands and delayed not to
+attend him in the study; for he naturally supposed that the sooner the
+lecture began the sooner it would be over. The father seated himself
+and desired his son to shut the door and seat himself too. These
+preliminary steps having been taken, and Mr Darnley having stirred and
+arranged the fire so amply as to preclude the necessity of any more
+attention to it for some time, thus began:
+
+"Robert, my dear boy, I wish to have some little talk with you. I have
+not had much opportunity of speaking to you since you came home. Now,
+you know, I can have no other object in view than your welfare. I do
+not desire you to follow the advice I may give you, unless you are
+convinced of its propriety. You know of course what I am now alluding
+to--your unhappy attachment to that unfortunate young woman, Miss
+Primrose. For my part, I cannot say that I altogether approved of it
+in the first instance; but I said nothing. I knew the impetuosity of
+your character and the obstinacy of your disposition, and therefore
+I concluded that opposition might do more harm than good. I hoped
+that, in time, your own good sense would let you see that it was not
+a suitable connexion for you. I do not say indeed that I have ever
+observed anything absolutely improper in the conduct of Miss Primrose;
+but I must be permitted to say, that there was too much pride in her
+manner, considering her station and expectations. Of the young woman's
+father I knew comparatively nothing, except that he had gambled away
+his property and broken his wife's heart. Mr Primrose did call here,
+as you know; but I must confess to you I was not much pleased with his
+manners. I was under the disagreeable necessity of rebuking him for
+taking the name of the Lord in vain. As for the young woman herself,
+of course you must relinquish all thoughts of her after what you have
+heard from Mr Pringle. Now let me advise you to banish her from your
+mind at once. I am sorry to see that your thoughts are still too much
+dwelling upon her. You make your mother and your sisters and me very
+uncomfortable by these gloomy looks. Why can you not be cheerful as you
+used to be? What have you to regret? You ought rather to be grateful
+that you have been rescued from such a marriage, and that it cannot
+be said that the dissolution of the acquaintance arose from your own
+caprice. I think that the young woman did not manifest a very great
+sense of propriety when she so readily adopted the profession of a
+public singer. And what would the world say, should the report ever get
+abroad, that my son was desirous of marrying a public singer? I gave
+the young woman all the good advice I possibly could; but I fear it
+will be of no use to her. There were such very strong manifestations of
+her partiality for that profligate young man, Lord Spoonbill, that I am
+not at all surprised at what I hear from Mr Pringle. Now all that I can
+say is, that if after this you can retain any regard for Miss Primrose,
+you do not shew yourself a man of sense and prudence."
+
+Here Mr Darnley paused, not because he was out of breath, for he spoke
+very slowly and deliberately, but because he thought that he had said
+enough to induce his son to relinquish the thought of Penelope, and to
+make himself mightily happy under his disappointment. But it certainly
+is very provoking, after living three years or more in expectation of
+receiving the hand and heart of a lovely, amiable, and intelligent
+young lady, to find at last that all this bright anticipation is come
+to nought. It had been painful to Robert Darnley that several of his
+later communications had been unanswered; but he would not suffer that
+circumstance alone to weigh with him, considering it possible that the
+fault was in the irregular transmission of letters. When he came back
+to England and heard that Miss Primrose was in London with the Earl of
+Smatterton's family, it appeared obvious enough that she had considered
+the correspondence as having ceased. But still it was not clear to the
+young man's entire satisfaction that this had been a voluntary act on
+the part of Penelope. It was possible that his letters might not have
+reached their destination, and that Miss Primrose might be regarding
+him as the faithless one. Such was his spirit, that he would not rest
+under the imputation of such conduct, and he resolved to take the
+earliest opportunity of coming to an explanation. When, however, in
+addition to all that he had heard from his own family of the partiality
+manifested by Penelope for Lord Spoonbill, he heard also the tale told
+by Zephaniah Pringle, he wavered and hesitated. It was not probable, he
+thought, that such rumours could be totally unfounded, and it comported
+but too well with what Mr Darnley had already said.
+
+The distress of mind which Robert Darnley suffered, and that gloominess
+of look which his father reprobated and lectured him upon, did not
+arise so much from the mere loss of Penelope, as from the harassing
+doubts to which he was exposed by the conflicting of external and
+internal evidence. It is a painful thing to doubt, because it is
+humiliating, and seems to question our discernment. It is also very
+perplexing to the mind when it sees evidence enough to prove that which
+it feels to be impossible, or very unlikely. In this dilemma Robert
+Darnley had been placed by what he had heard of Penelope Primrose. He
+knew, or at least very firmly believed her to be of decided character,
+good principle and high spirit. He felt it impossible that she should
+love a profligate or a blockhead, and he knew Lord Spoonbill to be
+both. But it was very clear that she was with Lord Smatterton's family,
+and that she had certainly contemplated the public exercise of her
+musical talents.
+
+To his fathers discourse therefore he listened with unresisting
+patience, and only replied when it was finished; "I can only say, sir,
+that if what Mr Pringle has said concerning Miss Primrose be true, I
+have been very much deceived in the estimate which I had formed of the
+young lady's mind and character."
+
+"Certainly you were," replied his father; "you are a young man and
+have seen but little of human nature. You are hasty, very hasty, in
+forming your judgment. You will grow wiser as you grow older. Now I was
+not deceived in Miss Primrose. I could see her real character. I always
+thought her very proud and vain and conceited. But she laboured under
+great disadvantages in her education. Her uncle was a worthy man, but
+he was a mere scholar, by no means a man of the world. And as for Mrs
+Greendale, she is a very weak woman."
+
+Robert Darnley knew his father too well to contradict him directly
+in anything which he might be pleased to assert; he therefore only
+ventured in a very circuitous way to insinuate the possibility that
+Mr Zephaniah Pringle might be erroneously informed, and that there
+might be some mistake or misapprehension. But the worthy rector of
+Neverden was not able to bear the slightest approach to contradiction
+or opposition. He had lived so long in absolute authority in his own
+house and parish, that he was perfectly sincere in believing that he
+could never be wrong and ought never to be contradicted. He therefore
+contributed very considerably to shorten the discussion, by saying:
+
+"You are of age, and of course may do as you please; but, if you will
+condescend to take my advice, you will think no more of Miss Primrose.
+At all events, it is my particular request that I may hear no more of
+her."
+
+To this the young gentleman bowed respectfully. Now it does not appear
+to us that Mr Darnley adopted the best plan in the world to set his
+son's heart at rest. Nor did Robert Darnley find any great alleviation
+in what his father had been pleased to say concerning Penelope's actual
+situation and real character. It also occurred to the young gentleman's
+mind, that his father had superfluously and unnecessarily quoted the
+fact of Mr Primrose having used irreverent and thoughtless language.
+It is not indeed, generally speaking, advisable to bring every possible
+accusation against an offending one; for by so doing we make known our
+own pettishness or malignity quite as much as we display the sins of
+the accused. If Miss Primrose had been in other respects a suitable
+wife for Robert Darnley, the fact that her father had spoken hastily
+and unadvisedly, would not have rendered her unsuitable. And if the
+situation of Penelope had been such as it had been represented by Mr
+Pringle, then there was quite enough to set Robert Darnley's mind at
+rest upon the subject, without quoting Mr Primrose's transgressions.
+
+The disappointed lover had no sooner finished the task of hearing his
+father's lecture, than he was destined to undergo a gabblement from
+his mother and sisters. Mrs Darnley was a worthy good creature as
+ever lived; but she would talk, and that not always consequentially.
+She always however meant well, though she might be clumsy in the
+manifestation of her well-meaning.
+
+"Well, Robert,"--thus began Mrs Darnley,--"and so your father has
+been talking to you about poor Penelope Primrose. What a pity it is that
+such a nice young woman should turn out so. I really could hardly
+believe my senses when I first heard of it. Dear me, what a favorite
+she used to be here; your father used to think so highly of her."
+
+"I can't say that I thought so very highly of her," interrupted Miss
+Mary Darnley; "she was a great deal too haughty for my liking. Of
+course we were civil to her for Robert's sake."
+
+Miss Mary was rude in thus interrupting her mother, but it was the
+general practice with the young ladies, and Mrs Darnley was so much
+in the habit of being interrupted, that she always expected it, and
+kept talking on till some one else of the party began. Now this remark
+of Miss Mary might be founded on truth, or it might be merely the
+result of an angry imagination. For there is in the human mind such a
+reluctance to acknowledge an error in judgment, that even when we have
+been really and palpably deceived in a human character, we generally
+find out or persuade ourselves that we "prophesied so," though we never
+told any body.
+
+The eldest Miss Darnley, however, had more candour. It was her opinion
+that, though Miss Primrose had not behaved exactly as she ought to
+do, yet she had too high a sense of propriety and decorum ever to
+transgress as was represented by Mr Pringle.
+
+In this annunciation of opinions it was but right and regular that the
+youngest should speak in her turn; and notwithstanding the apparent
+deference which she had seemed on the previous day to yield to the
+oracular language of Zephaniah Pringle the critic, she said:
+
+"I wonder who told Mr Pringle? I dare say Miss Primrose did not, and I
+should not think it likely that Lord Spoonbill did."
+
+"Oh dear," replied Mary, "I dare say it is the general talk in
+London, and everbody knows it by this time."
+
+"Oh dear," retorted Martha, "I dare say you know a great deal about
+London."
+
+"I know a great deal more about it than you do, Martha; I was there
+with papa nearly two months when we had lodgings in Wigmore street."
+
+Martha was inclined to be pert, and Mary to be pettish, and the two
+sisters would very likely have enjoyed a skirmish of tongues, had they
+not been stopped by the good humour of their brother, who was very
+happy to divert their tongues and thoughts to other topics. Robert
+Darnley therefore made an effort to suppress unpleasant feelings, and
+directed the conversation to affairs of a different description; and he
+amused his mother and sisters with anecdotes and narratives descriptive
+of the country from which he had recently arrived.
+
+In assuming this composure, Robert Darnley was not a little aided
+by the suggestion thrown out by Martha. And he began to think it
+very possible that Mr Zephaniah Pringle might have been misinformed.
+He might have had wit enough to form that conjecture without the
+assistance of his youngest sister; but he was too much agitated to
+think calmly on the subject.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+The preceding chapters, relative to affairs at Neverden, were rendered
+indispensable by the necessity under which we were placed to account
+for the non-appearance of Robert Darnley in London, to clear up the
+mystery and explain the cause of the interrupted correspondence. We
+are now most happy to revert to that part of our narrative which more
+immediately and directly concerns Penelope Primrose and her father. For
+this purpose therefore our history goes back a few days.
+
+After the first passionate agitation of meeting had subsided, and
+Penelope was able to speak collectedly, and Mr Primrose was patient
+enough to listen to two successive sentences, the young lady explained
+to her father the situation in which she had been placed by the
+sudden decease of her uncle, and spoke of the kindness which she had
+experienced from the Earl and Countess of Smatterton, adding, that they
+had been so kind as to propose giving her the opportunity of meeting
+her father in London. She then informed her father that Lord Spoonbill
+was in the house, and would be happy to see him.
+
+Mr Primrose was too happy at the meeting with his daughter to think
+anything of the awkward stories which he had heard of the young
+gentleman's irregularities. He therefore expressed himself pleased with
+an opportunity of making his acknowledgments to any part of the family.
+The young lord therefore soon made his appearance. And such was the
+frank, gentlemanly aspect and bearing of Mr Primrose, that his lordship
+was quite delighted with him, and said with great sincerity much which
+he would otherwise have said with polite formality and hypocrisy.
+
+Penelope exercised a considerable degree of self-command in introducing
+Lord Spoonbill so composedly to her father. And happy was it at this
+moment for Mr Primrose, that such was his cheerfulness and hilarity
+of feeling, that he was only sensible to that which was pleasant and
+agreeable.
+
+"My Lord Spoonbill," said he with one of his politest bows, and with
+the most agreeable intonation of voice that he could command, "I thank
+you most sincerely, and I beg that you will convey my most cordial and
+respectful thanks to the Earl and Countess of Smatterton for their kind
+and generous attention to my dear child."
+
+Even with similar politeness did Lord Spoonbill profess how truly
+happy the Earl and Countess had been in affording any accommodation
+to the neice of their late esteemed friend, the respected rector of
+Smatterton. By making mention of that good man, Lord Spoonbill brought
+tears into the eyes of Mr Primrose, who mournfully shook his head and
+replied:
+
+"Ah, my lord, he was indeed a good man. I lament the loss of him most
+sincerely. So much kind feeling, blended with such strict integrity,
+and so high a degree of moral purity, I never have witnessed in any
+other. I have seen strictness of principle with severity of manners,
+and I have witnessed kindness of heart with moral carelessness; but the
+late Dr Greendale had the most finely attempered mind of any man I ever
+knew. He did, or desired to do, good to everybody, and that must have
+been a hard heart which he could not soften."
+
+It was well for Lord Spoonbill at this moment that he was not of so
+susceptible a temperament as Mr Primrose, or the remark last recorded
+would have distressed him. It was in another point of view ill for
+his lordship that he had not a little more sensibility, for if he had
+he might have been moved to contrition and reflection. His lordship
+very courteously assented to every compliment which Mr Primrose felt
+disposed to pay to the late Dr Greendale. And presently his lordship
+directed the talk to other matters; for though he had not sensibility
+to be moved, yet he had enough of that kind of feeling which rendered
+him awkward under reflections and recollections. The hereditary
+legislator was also especially desirous of knowing what was to be the
+immediate destination of Miss Primrose and her father; but found, after
+a long conversation and many indirect hints, that no arrangement of any
+determinate nature had entered the mind of Mr Primrose, who probably
+thought, that for the night ensuing, he might take up his abode at the
+town residence of Lord Smatterton.
+
+At length, Lord Spoonbill, finding that it became time for him to
+return to dinner, and knowing that it would not be very agreeable
+to the Countess to take back with him father and daughter too, and
+suspecting also very strongly and very naturally that the two were
+not likely to be separated, began to make something like an apology
+to Mr Primrose for having brought him to an empty house, and offered
+such accommodation as the house might afford, expressing his great
+regret that he himself was under the necessity of returning to Lord
+Smatterton's suburban villa.
+
+These explanations and apologies roused Mr Primrose to his
+recollection, and he presently and promptly declined availing himself
+of his lordship's kind offer, and expressed his intention of taking up
+his abode at a hotel, which he named.
+
+Lord Spoonbill was satisfied. He now knew where to find Mr Primrose
+again; and so long as he was not at a loss where to seek Penelope, his
+lordship readily took his leave, with a promise that he would very
+shortly pay his respects again to his good friends.
+
+Mr Primrose and his daughter then went to their hotel, and the
+overjoyed parent endeavoured to compose himself for the sobriety
+of narrative and interrogation. Many questions were asked, and
+multitudinous digressions and recommencements and interruptions
+rendered their discourse rather less instructive than entertaining. The
+father of Penelope walked restlessly about the room, and ever and anon
+would he stop and look with an indescribable earnestness on the face of
+his child, as if to fill his mind's eye with her image, or to endeavour
+to trace her likeness to her departed mother. And from these momentary
+absorptions he would start into recollection, and utter such thrilling
+expressions of delight, that his poor child feared that the joy would
+be too much for him.
+
+Some of the human species have suffered more from joy than from sorrow.
+Ecstacy has lifted the mind to that height and giddiness as to destroy
+its self-command, and to precipitate it into the depths and darkness
+of idiocy. Penelope entertained a fear of this kind for her father.
+For she had not been accustomed to witness or yield to any very
+strong emotions. Her uncle, with whom she had lived, had been a very
+quiet man; and, in his studious retirement, life had passed smoothly
+and placidly as the waveless current of a subterranean stream. Mrs
+Greendale had experienced and manifested occasional ebullitions, but
+they were merely culinary, domestic, common-place, and transitory.
+As for herself, poor girl, deep as her feelings might have been, and
+strongly, as in various instances, she might have been moved, these
+emotions were solitary and soon suppressed.
+
+When therefore she saw her father in this state of agitation, much of
+her own joy was abated in thoughts and fears for him. But in time the
+violence of the emotion abated, and the father and daughter sat down
+together to dinner. This was a relief to them both. When the cloth was
+removed, Mr Primrose then bethought himself of Robert Darnley. Drawing
+closer to the fire, he said to Penelope; "Well, but, my dear child,
+I have not yet said a word about an old acquaintance of yours, whom
+report says you have not used handsomely. But I don't mind what report
+says. Have you quite forgot your old neighbour Robert Darnley?"
+
+Penelope sighed and shook her head, and replied, "Oh, no, my dear
+father; I have not forgotten him."
+
+"Then why did you not answer his letters?"
+
+"I answered his letters, but he did not answer mine."
+
+"What!" exclaimed Mr Primrose; "do you say that he was the person who
+dropped the correspondence? You are wrong, my dear, you are wrong. Ay,
+ay, I see how it is--some letters have not been delivered. It is all
+a misunderstanding; but it will soon be set right. I have seen the
+young man. He is now at Neverden; and he tells me that you have not
+answered his letters. But we shall soon see him in town. He would have
+come with me, but he must needs stay to eat his Christmas dinner at the
+parsonage, just to please the old folks. That of course is right; and
+if children did but know how easily parents are pleased, and how happy
+they are when their children please them, there would not be so many
+undutiful children in the world.--And so, my dear Penelope, it is all a
+mere invention that you are attached to Lord Spoonbill?"
+
+Recollecting what had that morning taken place, and from that also
+calling to mind what before she had not noticed, and what without that
+event she would have forgotten; thinking again how assiduously and
+politely attentive Lord Spoonbill had behaved towards her, she began to
+think that his lordship's attentive behaviour had been seen and noticed
+by others when it had not been obvious to herself. And these thoughts
+confused and perplexed her. Therefore she did not immediately reply to
+her father's interrogation. Her silence was observed by her anxious
+parent, and he hastily said:
+
+"What then, is it true? But it is a great pity. Robert Darnley is a
+fine spirited young man; and I am sure he did not design to drop the
+correspondence. Well, well; you are like your father, you are very
+hasty. But never mind, it cannot be helped now. And what will you say
+to poor Darnley when he sees you again; for I fully expect him up in
+town as soon as Christmas is well over? I dare say he will be here in a
+week, or a little more. I told him that he would find us at this hotel.
+And has Lord Spoonbill really made proposals to you? And have you
+accepted his offer?"
+
+The discovery which this talk of her father opened to the mind of
+Penelope moved her with feelings not describable. There was powerful
+and oppressive agitation, but whether painful or pleasurable she
+scarcely knew. Her heart was too full to speak, and her thoughts too
+hurried for utterance. The colour was in her cheeks, and the tears were
+silently falling, and presently the quick glancing eye of her father
+caught the expression of concern and deep feeling, and his impetuosity
+misinterpreted the emotion. With rapidity of utterance, and with kind
+tenderness of tone, he exclaimed, grasping her hand:
+
+"Nay, nay, my dear Penelope, do not be so afflicted. You misunderstand
+me, indeed you do. I am not angry with you. If you are really attached
+to Lord Spoonbill, and if he has a regard for you, I would not for the
+world oppose your inclinations. If you are happy, I shall be so. I
+know comparatively very little of Robert Darnley. As to what I saw of
+his father, I certainly thought not favourably. The young man appeared
+not so proud and formal as the old gentleman. But Lord Spoonbill may
+be a very excellent man, and I am sure he would not be your choice if
+he were not so. I dare say that all these stories I have heard of his
+profligacies are not true."
+
+Hereat the young lady started; and she thought that she had some faint
+recollection of having heard some obscure hints on that subject; for
+these matters are not made the topic of explicit discourse in the
+presence of young ladies. And with this impression she hastened to
+undeceive her father as to the state of her affections, protesting very
+calmly and deliberately that there had not been any transfer of her
+attachment to Lord Spoonbill from Robert Darnley. And, as connectedly
+and circumstantially as she was able, she narrated the history of her
+life, from the decease of her worthy uncle to the moment of her meeting
+with her father.
+
+Mr Primrose made his observations on these events, and expressed
+himself delighted in having arrived in England time enough to prevent
+his daughter from publicly exhibiting her musical talents. Now, in the
+course of Penelope's narrative, mention had not been made, nor did it
+seem necessary to state the fact, of Lord Spoonbill's declaration of
+devotedness, which his lordship had made that very morning. It was
+therefore unfortunate, though of no great consequence, that when the
+poor girl had finished her story, Mr Primrose said:
+
+"And so then after all Lord Spoonbill has not said a word to you on the
+subject of attachment?"
+
+It became necessary then to acknowledge what had passed in the morning;
+and the reluctance with which the acknowledgment was made very
+naturally excited some slight suspicion in the breast of Mr Primrose,
+that there was something more serious than had been acknowledged. A
+satisfactory explanation however was made, and all was right again.
+
+This trifling incident would not have been mentioned, but for the
+illustration which it affords of the value of explicitness and candour,
+and for the proof which it presents that the purest and most upright
+mind may, from a false delicacy, involve itself in serious perplexity.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+At the hotel where Mr Primrose had taken up his residence, he remained
+with his daughter for two or three weeks. Penelope and her father were
+during this time in daily expectation of seeing or hearing from Robert
+Darnley, but there came no letter, there came no visitor. Mr Primrose
+grew impatient, and talked to his daughter about writing. That Penelope
+should write was quite out of the question, nor could the young lady
+bring herself readily to allow her father to write.
+
+They both agreed that, if the young man was still seriously attached,
+he would find some way of communicating with them now all parties
+were together in England. And so he certainly would have done, had
+it not been for the false report carried to Neverden by the loyal and
+religious Zephaniah Pringle, and corroborated by the almost unanimous
+and universal talk of the people of that village. Influenced by
+this tale, he remained at Neverden spending day after day in most
+clumsily doing nothing at all. His father talked to him, his mother
+talked to him, and his sisters talked to him, but all their talk
+amounted to nothing. Disappointed affection is a painful feeling, and
+talking cannot heal it; nor was it ever known in the course of human
+experience, that calling a man a fool has been the means of making him
+wise.
+
+Whatever were the feelings of Robert Darnley on this sad blight of his
+fair hopes, he was wise enough to keep them to himself; he was indeed
+dull and listless, but he did not annoy others any farther than thus
+negatively. On the other hand, the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill had
+no sooner accomplished the mighty feat of telling Miss Primrose how
+devoted he was to her, than he must needs again invade the luxurious
+and lounging solitude of his friend Erpingham in order again to
+talk over the subject. His lordship did not indeed on the very day
+after, but at as short an interval as possible consistent with other
+engagements, call upon his luxurious friend to enjoy the pleasure of
+talking about Miss Primrose.
+
+Now Erpingham, as we have already intimated, was by no means a
+simpleton. He had wisdom enough to see through Lord Spoonbill, though
+his lordship was not always able to comprehend the logic of his old
+college companion. There is at Cambridge, as everybody knows, a
+species of animal called a tuft-hunter, that is, a plebeian man, who,
+for pence or pride, cultivates an acquaintance with the young green
+shoots of nobility that are sent to that place to learn horse-racing,
+card-playing, and mathematics, in order to make laws to preserve game
+and keep up the dignity of hereditary legislators. Now Erpingham was
+not one of that description. But there are, among the unfledged
+lordlings who honor that town and university with their superfine
+presence, some few individuals who, in order to enjoy a stronger sense
+and feeling of their own noble rank and exalted condition, seek for
+acquaintance among the untitled. Of this class was Lord Spoonbill, and
+his acquaintance thus and there formed, was Mr Erpingham.
+
+To seek an acquaintance with any individual is generally felt,
+whether it be so considered or not, as an act of humiliation. It
+is at all events a homage paid to the acquaintance thus sought. He
+that voluntarily seeks after another, involuntarily pays that other
+a compliment. And frequently that compliment is taken by those who
+receive it for more than it is really worth. By this circumstance
+therefore that the acquaintance with Erpingham had been of Lord
+Spoonbill's own seeking, the former did not quite so highly value and
+honor the young legislator as otherwise he might have done. And when
+once we can thoroughly and heartily take it into our heads that any
+man is a fool, it is no difficult matter to convince ourselves that
+he really is so. Plenty of illustrations are always at hand, if we be
+intimate with the person in question.
+
+Now, in spite of all the reverence which Mr Erpingham felt for high
+rank, he could not help thinking that his lordship was no conjuror.
+Indeed it is no more to be wished than it is to be expected that the
+House of Lords should be all conjurors. As therefore Mr Erpingham
+thought but indifferently of the understanding of his right honorable
+friend, it is not to be wondered at that Lord Spoonbill should not
+always be treated with the most profound respect. At Cambridge, indeed,
+Erpingham thought it something of an honor to be acquainted with a
+nobleman; but by degrees, and especially after leaving the university,
+the gentleman thought otherwise, and diminished much of the homage
+which he had formerly paid to that right honorable hereditary pillar of
+the Protestant succession.
+
+When therefore Lord Spoonbill made his appearance again, and
+threatened a tedious lack-a-daisical prating about love, Mr Erpingham
+almost laughed at him.
+
+"Well, Spoonbill," said the Epicurean, "and so you are coming to
+report progress. And what says this paragon of wit and beauty? I suppose
+you have made your arrangements: and am I to be honored by an
+introduction?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill shook his head, and went on tediously to relate all
+the particulars of the journey to London and the introduction to Mr
+Primrose. To all this Mr Erpingham listened very attentively; and, when
+the narrative was concluded, he drawled out, "Well, Spoonbill, and what
+then?"
+
+To that question the hereditary legislator made no direct or
+intelligible reply. His friend therefore repeated his question,
+adding: "Were you content with making a mere sentimental speech about
+your devotion to this young lady? And did not you give the slightest
+intimation of your designs?"
+
+"How could I," replied his lordship, "under these circumstances?"
+
+"Then I will tell you, my good friend, that I have done more for you
+than you have done for yourself."
+
+Lord Spoonbill started and stared, and exclaimed: "Erpingham! what do
+you mean?"
+
+"I mean what I say. Do you know Zephaniah Pringle, a literary prig,
+with whose vanity I sometimes amuse myself?"
+
+"Certainly I do," replied his lordship; "but what can he have to do
+with this matter?"
+
+"A great deal," replied Erpingham; "he is, as I suppose you know, an
+impertinent chatter-box, and whatever is trusted to him as a profound
+secret is sure to be known to all the world; so I communicated to
+him that Miss Primrose was in the high road to be placed under the
+protection of the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, and by this time
+Smatterton and its adjoining village is already in possession of the
+important secret."
+
+On hearing this, Lord Spoonbill started, as if with a strong sense of
+moral indignation, and exclaimed: "Erpingham, are you mad? What could
+you mean by circulating such a report? Suppose I should intend to marry
+Miss Primrose!"
+
+"Why, then you are less likely to have a rival."
+
+Although Lord Spoonbill was quite as profligate and unprincipled as Mr
+Erpingham, yet as his profligacy and want of principle were not managed
+and directed precisely after the model of the same vices in the conduct
+of his friend, his lordship took credit to himself that he could enjoy
+the pleasure of reproving the vicious principles of this Epicurean. But
+though he expressed a feeling of indignation at the cool, deliberate
+viciousness of this son of luxury and sensuality, he felt no little
+satisfaction in the thought that this report must infallibly reach the
+ears of Mr Robert Darnley, and thus prevent any further attempt on his
+part to renew the acquaintance with Penelope.
+
+It may seem rather strange to some part of our readers, that a man who
+could descend to the meanness of intercepting letters, should lift up
+his voice and turn up his eyes at the sin of circulating false reports
+touching the character and situation of a young woman, and that this
+same man should deliberately meditate on schemes for placing that young
+woman in that situation which he professed to think so degrading. But
+there is a wonderful difference in the apprehension which men entertain
+of the same vices under different circumstances. There is also
+observable in the feelings of Lord Spoonbill, on the present occasion,
+the readiness and satisfaction with which a man will cheerfully avail
+himself of the benefits derivable from the vicious or unprincipled
+conduct of others.
+
+The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill seemed to think that his friend
+Erpingham had behaved very unhandsomely and disrespectfully to Penelope
+by causing such a rumour to get into circulation; but, when it
+occurred to him that some advantage might be taken of the said rumour,
+his indignation was abated, and all his reproof was softened down into
+merely saying:
+
+"Really, Erpingham, you are too bad."
+
+Everybody who is worse than ourselves is too bad; everybody, whose
+vices differ from ours, is too bad. Lord Spoonbill was selfish,
+sensual, and unprincipled; but he endeavoured to conceal his character,
+and, from attempting to deceive others, had come at last to deceive
+himself; and he really did flatter himself that there was some good
+in his character, and some good feelings in his heart. But Erpingham,
+on the other hand, did not play the hypocrite either to himself or
+to others; he was definite and decided, and he took to himself some
+little credit for the unblushing honesty of his conduct and character.
+He smiled contemptuously at the meanness and littleness of his friend
+Spoonbill's vices; but this meanness was essential to the very
+existence of his vices, he would have been frightened at himself had
+he seen his own moral features without a mask.
+
+There was this difference in the character of these two friends, that
+had Erpingham had the same object in view as Lord Spoonbill, he would
+have pursued it unblushingly, unhesitatingly, and without remorse. He
+would have intercepted letters, but he would not have shuddered when
+he had them in his possession; nor would he have hesitated to open
+them, if that would have forwarded his schemes. There would have been
+no demur or doubt, but everything would have been rendered subservient
+to his villanous purposes. But Lord Spoonbill was not so straitforward
+in his roguery, he was a more pusillanimous profligate. The difference
+between the two is, that Erpingham was an object of indignation, and
+Lord Spoonbill of contempt.
+
+Seeing therefore how matters now stood, the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill thought that he might as well pursue his first object with
+regard to Penelope, and not, at least for the present, think or say a
+word concerning marriage. And it was a great consolation to him in the
+course of his meditations to think how much more unprincipled Erpingham
+was than he.
+
+From a long, and to the Epicurean a wearying discussion, Lord Spoonbill
+returned to his home; and on his return he found that the Countess
+was quite angry, and that her patience was exhausted in waiting for
+Penelope's return. The young lady had indeed mentioned the subject
+to her father, but he did not think any further acknowledgments
+necessary than he had already personally made to the heir of the house
+of Smatterton. Nor could Mr Primrose persuade himself that any very
+high tribute of gratitude was due for that species of patronage which
+the Countess of Smatterton had proposed for his daughter. It was his
+feeling, that her ladyship had in view her own gratification quite as
+much as the welfare of Penelope.
+
+When therefore Lord Spoonbill found that the Countess was still
+expecting either the return of Miss Primrose, or some grateful
+intimation that the proffered patronage was declined, he thought it an
+excellent opportunity to propose a call on Mr Primrose; and, after some
+of the usual prate about condescension and dignity, the young lord, on
+the following morning, rode up to town.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+When a lady finds herself a second time alone with a gentleman who has
+once addressed her on an interesting topic, but whose address has not
+been altogether pleasant and agreeable, the lady's situation is by no
+means enviable. It is more distressing still when, in the recollection
+of the young lady, there are yet lingering the faint relics of brighter
+and better hopes.
+
+This was the situation of Penelope when Lord Spoonbill called upon
+her. Mr Primrose was not within: business demanded his attention in
+the City, and there he was likely to be detained some hours. The
+young lord, with well feigned seriousness, expressed his regret that
+he should be so unfortunate as not to meet with Mr Primrose, and
+he added that he would call again if Mr Primrose was likely soon to
+return. When however he heard that Penelope did not expect her father
+till dinner-time, he was more pleased with the information than he
+professed to be. Miss Primrose very respectfully enquired after the
+Earl and Countess of Smatterton; and, in replying to those enquiries,
+Lord Spoonbill took the opportunity of hinting that her ladyship felt
+somewhat anxious to know whether the return of Mr Primrose to England
+had induced Penelope to relinquish the thought of that profession which
+she had recently contemplated, and for which immediate preparation
+became otherwise necessary and important.
+
+In reply to this enquiry, Penelope informed his lordship that her
+father had expressed himself decidedly of opinion that such pursuit
+would not be agreeable to himself or necessary for his daughter. Lord
+Spoonbill cared little for the disappointment, except that it would
+be in the way of his schemes, and render the arrangement which he
+meditated rather more difficult of execution. So far as expectation was
+concerned, he was prepared for this event; but he was not prepared with
+any plan that he might immediately pursue.
+
+After the common-place talk was finished, his lordship thought that he
+ought to take his leave; but he was reluctant to go, and he did not
+know how to stay. Penelope also wished him gone, for she was afraid
+of a renewal of an unpleasant topic. The young lady also took no
+particular pains to conceal that wish, and his lordship was not quite
+so flat as not to discern that his presence was not very acceptable.
+In truth, his situation was grievously perplexing, and a wiser man
+than he would have been at a loss in such circumstances how to act. It
+was clear to him that Penelope had not quite forgotten Robert Darnley;
+it was also obvious that Lord Spoonbill was not yet essential to the
+happiness of Miss Primrose; he most earnestly desired to render
+himself agreeable to Miss Primrose, and he very well knew that nothing
+could be more agreeable than that he should take his leave; but that
+would not have been agreeable to himself; and greatly as he desired
+to do anything that might recommend him to the approbation of Miss
+Primrose, he was equally desirous of avoiding anything that might be
+disagreeable or unpleasant to himself.
+
+Lord Spoonbill is not to be regarded in this instance as differing so
+very widely from the rest of the world. Other lovers frequently have
+the same ideas on the subject of the mutual accommodation of themselves
+and their adored ones. And if, after this observation, any individual
+of the gentler sex should be deceived by professions and protestations
+of disinterestedness, the fault will be hers and not ours.
+
+In this embarrassing situation in which Lord Spoonbill was placed,
+it occurred to his most fertile imagination that it might greatly
+forward his designs upon Penelope, if, by any means, he could contrive
+to bring the young lady to think unhandsomely of Robert Darnley. It
+certainly would not do for his lordship to make any direct allusion
+to this young gentleman; for it was hardly supposed by Miss Primrose
+that there existed in the mind of his lordship any knowledge of the
+acquaintance between her and the son of the rector of Neverden;
+and such was his lordship's clumsiness in the management of his
+irregularities, that he was even fearful of the most indirect allusion
+to Robert Darnley, lest, in making that allusion, he might betray
+himself.
+
+At length it came into his lordship's most sagacious head that,
+although it might be hazardous to make any allusion to Neverden, there
+could not be much risk incurred by enquiring after Mrs Greendale,
+therefore he ventured to ask, as if for want of something else to say,
+if Miss Primrose had lately heard from Smatterton, and in making this
+enquiry he endeavoured to watch the countenance of the young lady
+most narrowly, in order to observe whether the mention of Smatterton
+produced any deep emotion as connected with Neverden. Penelope answered
+with perfect composure, and informed the hereditary legislator that Mrs
+Greendale had not written to her since her departure from Smatterton.
+
+After mentioning Mrs Greendale, his lordship proceeded to some more
+common talk, merely and obviously to delay his departure; and he
+manifested in this kind of talk that he had a great wish to recur to
+that topic which he had introduced on the morning of Mr Primrose's
+meeting with his daughter. But if it was evident to Penelope that such
+was his lordship's wish, it was quite as evident to his lordship that
+the young lady was equally uneasy under the apprehension, and dreaded
+the repetition of a discussion which at its first introduction had so
+distressed her thoughts.
+
+And now it would have been absolutely and uncontrollably necessary for
+Lord Spoonbill to take his leave, and he must have taken his leave,
+not knowing when or how he might find Penelope again, had it not been
+for one of those unexpected and extraordinary accidents which often
+change the aspect of a whole life. This accident was neither more nor
+less than the sudden return of Mr Primrose to his hotel.
+
+By the expression of Mr Primrose's countenance, which seldom indeed
+concealed or belied the emotions of his mind, it was visible that some
+calamity had befallen him, or at least that something had occurred to
+discompose him. It might not be anything very serious; Penelope hoped
+it was not; for, during the short time that she had been with her
+father she had had abundant occasion of observing that such was the
+susceptibility of his feelings, that the expressions of joy and sorrow
+were soon excited, and that by a very slight and trifling occurrence.
+
+But it was soon manifest that it was no trivial circumstance that
+oppressed the spirits of her father in the present instance. When
+he entered the apartment he scarcely noticed his daughter or Lord
+Spoonbill. He took the former by the hand, and to the latter he
+slightly bowed; and this was his only recognition of them, for he did
+not open his lips, and he scarcely directed his looks towards them. His
+lips were closely compressed, as if he feared that by opening them he
+should betray or give way to stronger expressions of grief than might
+well become him. He sat himself down upon a chair and looked listlessly
+out into the street, moving neither feature nor muscle, except that the
+vibration of his eyelids was more rapid than usual.
+
+Lord Spoonbill was now at a loss whether to offer his sympathy or to
+take his departure. He could not, with any great propriety, leave
+the room without taking some notice of Mr Primrose; but such was the
+expression of the poor man's countenance, that it seemed that merely
+to speak to him in the most common-place manner imaginable would be
+to distress his feelings, and to burst open that flood of grief which
+he seemed to endeavour to restrain. Directing therefore an enquiring
+look to Penelope, and again turning towards Mr Primrose, his lordship,
+by these looks and the movements which accompanied them, intimated
+an intention of departing, if his presence were a restraint. Seeing
+that Mr Primrose kept his position, and that no change was made in his
+features, his lordship was just whispering to Penelope that he was
+sorry to see her father under such depression, and that it might be
+agreeable that he should leave them, Mr Primrose hastily started up and
+said;
+
+"I beg your pardon, Lord Spoonbill, for my rudeness, but I have met
+with a shock this morning that has completely subdued me."
+
+At this speech, Penelope caught her father's hand with tender
+eagerness, and asked, as well as her feelings would allow, what was the
+nature of the misfortune that he had met with. Most tenderly, and with
+a tone which reached even the heart of Lord Spoonbill, Mr Primrose said;
+
+"My dear, dear child, you are a dependent again, and God knows how soon
+you may be an orphan indeed."
+
+Before Penelope could speak, and indeed before she well comprehended
+her father's meaning, the distressed man directed his speech to Lord
+Spoonbill, saying;
+
+"Could you believe it possible, my lord, that such deliberate villains
+should exist in a Christian country, as to take from a man the little
+property which he had been toiling for years to accumulate, to take
+what they knew they never could restore. Those villains suffered me,
+but ten days ago, to deposit my all in their hands, and now they have
+stopped payment; and from all that I can hear in the City, I am not
+likely to receive above one shilling in the pound, and I may wait
+months, or perhaps years, for that."
+
+It may be in the recollection of the reader, that Lord Spoonbill was
+described in an early part of this narrative as being unduly and
+indecently pleased to hear of the illness of Dr Greendale, as exulting
+in the thought that the decease of that worthy, kind-hearted man would
+afford his lordship a more convenient opportunity of pursuing his
+schemes against the peace and innocence of Penelope Primrose. It will
+not therefore appear very surprizing if that same hereditary legislator
+should regard the present calamity of Mr Primrose as an agreeable
+circumstance to himself, and as greatly favouring his designs. There
+was however, in the contemplation of this misfortune of the father
+of Penelope, a desire also on the part of his lordship to contribute
+towards its alleviation. Lord Spoonbill was a profligate, and he was a
+mean, contemptible fellow; but he was not a devil incarnate, delighting
+in mischief or wickedness purely for its own sake. He wished Mr
+Primrose no ill, he had no desire to inflict any injuries or to give
+pain to any one, but he loved himself, and he pursued his own plans for
+his own pleasure, and he was pleased with whatever gave him promise or
+hope of success, even though that very circumstance should be the death
+or injury of another.
+
+Seeing, therefore, that in the present circumstances there was
+something which afforded him promise, he was pleased, and being pleased
+he very kindly sympathised with Mr Primrose, and expressed a wish that
+matters might not be quite so bad as was expected.
+
+Mr Primrose took his lordship's sympathy very kindly, and his mind was
+soothed by it; and with rather more self-possession than might have
+been expected, he replied; "For myself, I care but little; but it is
+mortifying, after so long an absence from my native land, and after so
+much toil and perseverance for the sake of my own and only child, to
+find that all the fruit of that toil is swept away at once."
+
+Penelope, who had been overwhelmed by the suddenness of the
+intelligence, had scarcely spoken; but now assuming with great success
+a calmness and resolvedness of manner, said to her father:
+
+"If that be all the calamity, my dear father, it is easily remedied.
+The Countess of Smatterton has been kind enough to promise me her
+high patronage, and to facilitate my efforts towards providing an
+independency, and Lord Spoonbill has but this moment, just before
+you returned, been enquiring whether or not I design to continue my
+preparation for that pursuit."
+
+"No, no, my Penelope, that is an occupation which I am sure can never
+suit your taste. I will not on any account consent to that. How can
+I bear to think of my own child exerting and wasting her strength to
+amuse the public, and to see her standing before a promiscuous and
+unfeeling multitude, exposed to the rudeness and insolence of loudly
+expressed disapprobation and extempore criticism?"
+
+"Nay, my good sir," said Lord Spoonbill in his pleasantest manner;
+"there is no danger, and there need be no fear, that Miss Primrose will
+ever incur disapprobation; whatever loud expressions there may be, will
+be expressions of applause and delight."
+
+"And that," rejoined Mr Primrose, "is almost as bad. To stand up
+before a multitude and beg for their applause, even if the applause be
+gained, is to my feelings humiliating. To a female it is more painful
+still. I cannot brook the idea of being dependent on a multitude, a
+capricious mass of, perhaps, gross and indiscriminating individuals."
+
+Lord Spoonbill was so much delighted with the probability of Miss
+Primrose's return to the condescending and discriminating patronage
+of the Countess of Smatterton, that the anticipation made him more
+than usually eloquent and logical; and there was something also in the
+manner of Mr Primrose that excited the hereditary legislator to use his
+utmost powers of persuasion. He therefore thus pursued the subject:
+
+"But, sir, it is not merely in that profession which Miss Primrose
+contemplates, that the public takes the liberty of expressing its
+opinion. The highest personage in the kingdom is not exempt from
+expressions of public censure or public applause; and when a nobleman
+in the House of Peers, or a gentleman in the House of Commons, rises
+and expresses his sentiments on any question of policy, the public
+takes the liberty to express, and sometimes very loudly and rudely, an
+opinion of the merits or demerits of such speech."
+
+"Yes, my lord, you are talking very plausibly; but you must feel that
+there is a wide difference between the two cases. You cannot by such
+arguments cheat me out of my feelings. I thought it a calamity when I
+heard that my child meditated that profession, and I was delighted that
+it was in my power to save her from such a painful publicity."
+
+It was not perhaps quite consistent with the strictest veracity when
+Penelope, interrupting her father, said: "Indeed, my dear father, you
+quite misunderstand me, if you think that I should feel any unpleasant
+sensations in that publicity."
+
+Mr Primrose saw clearly enough the motive of that speech; and he began
+to wish that this discussion had not taken place in the presence of a
+third person; and Lord Spoonbill saw that this feeling oppressed the
+poor man. With a degree of propriety and delicacy therefore, which he
+could readily assume when it suited his purpose, he concluded his visit
+by saying:
+
+"Well, Mr Primrose, I will not intrude upon you any longer for the
+present; and I can only say, that I hope you will not find the affairs
+of your banker quite so bad as you expect; but if you should, then I
+will venture to say that the Earl of Smatterton will not forget a near
+relative of the late respected Dr Greendale. Our family will be in
+town in a few days, and I shall be most happy then to repeat my call.
+And should Miss Primrose still persist in wishing to adopt the musical
+profession, a patroness and every possible assistance will not be
+wanting."
+
+In this there was much kindness, and Mr Primrose was accordingly
+pleased with the young lord, and forgot for a moment that he had ever
+heard any stories to his discredit. And, when the father and daughter
+were left alone, they entered into long and serious talk concerning
+their respective prospects.
+
+Mr Primrose was not left absolutely pennyless by the stopping of his
+banker; but the greater part of his property was gone if, as report
+stated, the house should be only able to pay one shilling in the pound.
+Indeed, upon the supposition of a much larger dividend, the property,
+which would then remain to Mr Primrose, would be but a very narrow
+and scanty independence. He had not made so very large a fortune in
+India as some persons are said to have accumulated; but, as soon as he
+had acquired what he thought a respectable competence, he returned to
+England to have as much as possible the enjoyment of his daughter's
+company, and those pleasures which none but a native land is capable of
+affording.
+
+When he had stated to Penelope as accurately and fully as possible the
+various particulars relative to his property, and mentioned the sources
+from whence the rumours came concerning the incompetency of his banker,
+the young lady very composedly expressed her readiness to avail
+herself of the proffered patronage of the Countess of Smatterton.
+There appeared so much sincerity and cheerfulness in the proposal,
+that Mr Primrose felt himself considerably relieved: and not only did
+there appear sincerity in the language used by Penelope, but there
+really was what there appeared to be. For reluctant as she might have
+been to engage in such a profession merely for the gratification of a
+patroness, she felt very differently when she thought that she might
+thereby be an assistance to her father.
+
+Hurt as Mr Primrose's feelings, or pride, might have been at the
+thought of receiving assistance from his own daughter, whom he had
+hoped to place in a state of independence, and mortified as he might be
+at the prospect of the young lady making a public appearance, yet he
+had but little to say to the repeated enquiry which Penelope made in
+answer to all his objections; for invariably his remarks were followed
+by the question--"What else can be done?"
+
+It was too late for Mr Primrose to return to India; and the patronage
+or interest which once had favoured him now existed for him no longer.
+He had not been brought up to any profession whereby he might gain a
+livelihood in England, and he had been accustomed to a style of living
+which rendered daily bread a more expensive article to him than to
+those of humbler prospects.
+
+A very distressing and heart-rending scene may be drawn of human
+suffering from the lowest and most abject of the children of penury and
+destitution. But we have our doubts whether the bitterest and keenest
+sense of suffering is really in that class. The poor gentleman suffers
+mentally, and while the beggar who lives on casual charity has an
+occasional luxury in a full meal, he, whose poverty must be hidden but
+cannot be unknown, is labouring under an unremitting and incessant
+pressure; and it is this that wastes away the body to a mere shadow and
+bows down the spirit to the earth. They are cruel and unfeeling indeed,
+who mock such misery as this. We envy not the talent which can draw
+mirth from a source so painful.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+Another morning dawned, and with its opening light there came to the
+father of Penelope a feeling of his comparatively destitute situation.
+His heart swelled as he thought of it, and he had some difficulty to
+preserve composure enough to meet his child. There was however one
+drop of consolation in the cup of his affliction, for it was not by
+his own fault or folly that his present loss was occasioned. But even
+this consolation afflicted him, for it brought to his recollection his
+past folly, and reminded him of the patient endurance with which the
+mother of his Penelope had borne up, as long as possible, against her
+sufferings. He recollected how gradually and slowly she sunk, and how
+to the very last moment of life her looks were to him all tenderness
+and forgiveness. And he thought that he could also discern in his child
+those same moral features which had been the grace and glory of her
+departed mother.
+
+Commanding his feelings as well as he could, he commenced the talk
+concerning the calamity of the preceding day. His heart was touched by
+the cheerful manner in which Penelope referred to the proposal of the
+Countess of Smatterton, and he smiled through his tears to hear how
+sanguinely the poor girl talked of the certainty of high success. But
+as yet all was in uncertainty.
+
+His banker, in whose hands he had placed the greater part of his
+property, had certainly stopped payment; but it could not yet be
+ascertained when his affairs would be put into a train for settlement,
+nor was it likely that one so little acquainted with the City as Mr
+Primrose should be able to form any idea of the dividend which might
+be paid. He certainly had heard it said that no greater dividend would
+be forthcoming, than one shilling in the pound. But people in the City
+sometimes tells lies not knowing them to be lies, and sometimes even do
+they go so far as to tell lies knowing them to be so.
+
+Mr Primrose was a very hasty man, catching up whatever he heard, and
+taking it for granted that all he heard was true. He never thought of
+enquiring what was the political party to which his banker belonged,
+nor did he know to what party those persons attached themselves who
+told him the melancholy story of that banker's inability to pay more
+than one shilling in the pound. As for Mr Primrose himself, he, poor
+man, knew nothing about party; he was not aware that England contained
+two classes of men, one of which is all that is good, and the other
+all that is bad. He simply knew that the banker had stopped payment,
+and that two very respectable-looking gentlemen had declared it as
+their opinion that there would not be a dividend of more than one
+shilling in the pound. That story he believed, and on that presumption
+was proceeding. His daughter of course could know nothing about the
+matter; and as for the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, he was such a
+superfine sort of a gentleman that he hardly knew that there was such a
+place as the City; and if he had ever heard of such an animal as a City
+Alderman, he took it for some such a creature as the Bonassus.
+
+Now this melancholy intelligence, which Mr Primrose had brought with
+him from the City, put a stop of course to those employments in which
+he would otherwise have been engaged. He was preparing to look out
+for some residence, either in town or country; and for that purpose
+he had every morning read with great attention all the advertisements
+of desirable residences to be sold or let. It was not very pleasant
+to turn from these thoughts to study painfully the means of again
+acquiring a maintenance.
+
+It was more especially distressing to him to observe how anxiously his
+poor child now supplicated as a favour to be permitted to engage in an
+occupation, from which he knew that, under other circumstances, she
+would have timidly shrunk. He was afflicted to hear such solicitations;
+but he had so much pleasure in his daughter's society, and so little
+occasion to go out, that he remained in his hotel the greater part of
+the morning, or more properly speaking the day. Towards evening however
+it occurred to him, and to any one else it would have occurred much
+earlier, that it might be the means of setting his mind a little at
+rest, and of giving him some little ground of hope, if he should go
+once more into the City and enquire of his agent into the probability
+of a settlement or arrangement of his banker's affairs.
+
+While Mr Primrose was gone into the City Penelope was left mournfully
+alone. It is indeed very dull to spend a long solitary evening in a
+strange place without occupation, and with nothing to think upon but
+painful recollections and fearful anticipations.
+
+The room in which the poor girl was left was large and well furnished,
+but there were no books in it, and the pictures were but indifferent
+engravings in splendid frames. There was a newspaper, but that was soon
+exhausted. There were many persons in the house, but Penelope knew none
+of them, and none of them cared about her.
+
+It had been very different at Smatterton, and at Neverden; in those two
+villages everybody knew her, and everybody loved her more or less; and
+there she never felt herself alone, for she knew that her good uncle
+was near her, and there is some pleasure in knowing that a good friend
+is near us. There, when she heard footsteps and voices, they were
+familiar voices and the footsteps of friends; but in the large hotel,
+where she sat alone waiting for her father, she heard only the voices
+of strangers. And when for the sake of a little variety she drew
+aside the drapery of the long windows and looked down upon the lamp
+illuminated street, there was something quite melancholy in the dim
+appearance and the monotonous sounds. Carriage-wheels seemed to roll
+incessantly, and their passing lights were miserably reflected from
+myriads of little puddles coldly shining amidst the uneven pavement.
+
+There was a specimen or two to be heard of the London cries; but there
+was no music in them, and they fell upon the ear with a strangely
+unpleasant effect, intermingled with the occasional sound of a street
+organ. Penelope strained her attention to listen to the music, and it
+was pleasant to her, though the images which it raised in her mind
+were those only of sad regrets. There is more effect produced by those
+street organs than people in general are aware of. Shall we be pardoned
+the strangeness of the expression, if we say that they sometimes give
+a wholesome agitation to the stagnation of the moral atmosphere? And
+shall we be still farther pardoned if we digress, for the sake of
+illustrating by an anecdote the above singular expression? By such a
+digression we are not interrupting our narrative, which is now indeed,
+like its pensive heroine, standing still.
+
+A father had lost an affectionate and promising child, over whose
+long lingering illness he had watched anxiously but hopelessly. The
+poor child had suffered patiently, but had experienced some intervals
+of ease, and some sensations even of delight. A popular melody had
+caught his fancy, and when the wandering organist of that neighbourhood
+played his favourite air, the little sufferer's eyes would brighten,
+and his pale transparent hand would beat the time as knowingly as an
+amateur. That was a scene for a parent to recollect. And the poor
+little one died, and the father, when he had seen the grave closed
+upon the child's remains, returned to his home in a state of apathy:
+feeling seemed to have perished in him. The organist made his
+accustomed round, played the favourite air; the bereaved father was
+awakened to the agony of remembrance, and those tears flowed freely and
+spontaneously, which told that feeling had not departed.
+
+By the itinerant musicians the feelings of Penelope were awakened; but
+she could not help observing how much less emotion she experienced than
+formerly, when these well-known melodies brought to her mind thoughts
+of the absent and the distant. Her mind was otherwise engaged and her
+thoughts otherwise directed. Little did she imagine, when she had been
+anxiously expecting and joyfully anticipating her father's return to
+England, that so dark a cloud would obscure the first dawn of her
+happiness. While she was thus wearing away the slowly moving hours, the
+door of the apartment was opened and Lord Spoonbill made his appearance.
+
+It is a great evil that virtuous men should ever make themselves
+disagreeable, and it is also a great evil that vicious men should
+make themselves agreeable; but the latter is quite as common as the
+former, and perhaps more so. He that exercises no reflection, and never
+turns his thoughts within, has so much the more attention to give to
+the external of manner and address. And so much had Lord Spoonbill
+cultivated manner, that although Penelope had reason to suppose him
+to be no conjuror, and though she had also reason to think that his
+morals were not the most pure, yet he was not altogether offensive and
+disagreeable to her. She could not but feel almost grateful to him
+for having so readily abstained from urging the topic which he had
+mentioned on the day of her meeting with her father. It also appeared
+to her highly flattering and complimentary, that a person of his
+lordship's rank should deign to pay court to one of inferior station;
+for there was not in her mind the slightest or remotest suspicion that
+Lord Spoonbill had any other than the most honourable intention in
+making a profession of attachment.
+
+When his lordship made his appearance, he was received cordially and
+as cheerfully as circumstances would permit. Penelope had now fully
+made up her mind to adopt the profession recommended by the Countess
+of Smatterton, and as Lord Spoonbill had on the previous day, in
+conversation with Mr Primrose, used arguments rather recommendatory
+of that step, the young lady could not of course imagine that there
+remained in his lordship's mind any intention whatever of pursuing the
+subject of his attachment, or renewing any mention of his love and
+devotedness.
+
+This thought gave to her manner a much greater ease, and being also
+blended with the pensiveness of her present feelings, presented her to
+the eye of Lord Spoonbill as more interesting and lovely than ever.
+His lordship was a vain man; and to possess so lovely a creature as
+Penelope, would be the means of gratifying his vanity. He was cunning
+enough however to see that Miss Primrose was quite unsuspicious of his
+designs, and that she did not anticipate a revival of that discourse to
+which her earnest supplications had put a stop. He felt therefore that
+it would not be prudent hastily to recommence a conversation of that
+nature, but to endeavour to render himself more agreeable, and to try
+to ascertain how far there yet remained in her recollection any tender
+thoughts of Robert Darnley.
+
+Such were his lordship's intentions, but they were frustrated by the
+manner in which Penelope spoke, and by the decision with which she
+proposed to cast herself on the patronage of the Countess, and to adopt
+the profession so earnestly recommended by her ladyship. Lord Spoonbill
+to this proposal replied, that the Countess would be most happy to
+afford Miss Primrose all the assistance in her power; and his lordship
+was also pleased to say, that this resolution would contribute very
+essentially to increase the attractions of Lady Smatterton's parties.
+
+Penelope sighed and almost shuddered at the thought; but, as the
+effort was made for the sake of her father, she subdued or concealed
+her reluctance. It was of course understood by his lordship, that this
+resolution of the young lady arose from the loss which her father had
+experienced; it was therefore very natural that some expressions of
+sympathy and concern should be used on the occasion by the hereditary
+legislator. These expressions were gratefully received by Penelope,
+though her language of acknowledgment was only the language of looks
+and imperfectly suppressed tears.
+
+Lord Spoonbill interpreted this emotion as an omen in his favour; and
+he was tempted by his evil genius to say something farther in allusion
+to the prohibited topic. He was greatly and agreeably surprised to
+hear no express and hasty interruption; and fearful lest this silence
+should proceed only from abstraction of mind, he went on to speak more
+decidedly and less equivocally concerning his attachment to the young
+lady. Penelope gave symptoms of understanding his lordship, but shewed
+no decided or obvious marks of disapprobation. There seemed to be,
+and there certainly was, a strong conflict in her mind. She had not,
+indeed, ceased to think tenderly and affectionately of Robert Darnley;
+but she had nearly, if not altogether, ceased to hope. The conflict in
+her mind was between her affection for her father and her indifference
+to Lord Spoonbill. We will not say that her vanity was not flattered by
+the apparent offer of so splendid an alliance. It perhaps influenced
+her as little as it would influence any one; but when the mind is just
+recovering from the pains and mortifications of a first disappointment,
+it is mightily indifferent to matters of sentiment. The very loss of a
+first love is of itself so great an affliction, that it appears as if
+no condition of being could render the affliction greater.
+
+Finding that Penelope returned no answer to his protestations of
+attachment, and that she did not withdraw her hand from his grasp, his
+lordship proceeded to urge his suit in the common language adapted
+for such occasions as the present, and used by such persons as his
+lordship. Penelope, fancying that she was about to give her consent
+to become Lady Spoonbill, prefaced that consent by expressing her
+fears that the Earl and Countess of Smatterton would look down, with
+disapprobation at least, on one so humble and portionless. To obviate
+this objection his lordship, who did not, or who would not see the
+misapprehension of the young lady, observed that the Earl and Countess
+need not know anything of the arrangement.
+
+"But how is that possible?" inquired Penelope in the simplicity of her
+heart.
+
+In explaining that possibility his lordship also explained the object
+which he had in view in making a declaration of his attachment. Now
+Penelope, who had been brought up under the roof and instruction of Dr
+Greendale, and who knew no more of the world than the world knew of
+her, was not able immediately and readily to comprehend his lordship's
+meaning, and when she did comprehend it, she was shocked and astonished
+at it; her pride also, of which she possessed constitutionally an
+abundant share, took alarm at the indignity, and she would, but for the
+utter depression of her spirits, have resented the insult loudly and
+contemptuously. As it was, her only resource was in a copious flood of
+silent tears, and when her paroxysm of anguish was somewhat abated, so
+that she could find utterance for words, she said:
+
+"My Lord Spoonbill, let me request you to leave me. My father will soon
+return, and if he should learn what has passed, I cannot answer for the
+consequences."
+
+The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill began to discern symptoms of a
+horsewhipping, and having acted dishonorably, he looked foolishly. It
+was not generous to attempt to take advantage of the misfortunes of Mr
+Primrose, and the destitute condition of Penelope. But there was in
+his lordship's heart so great a regard for Penelope, that he resolved
+at all events to make her his own, and that if marriage was the only
+condition, he would offer her marriage. With this view he stammered out
+something which he intended as an apology, and endeavoured, as well
+as he could, to unsay all that he had said concerning the humiliating
+arrangement which he had at first proposed; but Penelope heard him not,
+or if hearing, heeded him not.
+
+Hereupon his lordship became more earnest in his solicitations, and
+made such clumsy attempts to explain away his first proposal, that the
+young lady began to think more contemptuously of him than she had ever
+thought before. And now his lordship saw that there was some truth
+and justice in the observations which had been thrown out by his
+friend Erpingham. Seeing the lady so resolute and obdurate, he thought
+it would be the wisest step that he could take to leave her for the
+present, in hope that hereafter her indignation might somewhat abate.
+
+When he was gone, the poor, perplexed, and almost desolate one, felt
+in some measure relieved by his absence; but, when she began to
+reflect, she found that her hopes of the patronage of Lady Smatterton
+were now gone; for it would be absolutely impossible for her to
+place herself again in a situation where she might be exposed to
+the importunities of Lord Spoonbill. And when at a late hour in the
+evening her father returned from the City, it was too much for her to
+receive him cheerfully, and she could no longer speak sanguinely and
+with confidence concerning her prospects under the patronage of Lady
+Smatterton.
+
+As for Mr Primrose, no brighter prospect seemed to shine before him;
+for he had gained no intelligence. He had found, as he might have
+expected, the office of his agent closed, and there was no one in the
+house who could give him the slightest information. He was astonished
+at the world's apathy; no one seemed to sympathise with him. Everybody
+was wrapped up in their own concerns, and the thoughts of all seemed
+to be centred in themselves. This is indeed not much to be wondered
+at. It is the way of the world, and always has been, and always will,
+until some change takes place which we cannot yet anticipate or
+conjecture. It was pleasantly observed by a sentimental jockey, who
+lost by a considerable length the first race he ever rode, "I'll never
+ride another race as long as I live. The riders are the most selfish,
+narrow-minded creatures on the face of the earth. They kept riding and
+galloping as fast as they could, and never had once the kindness or
+civility to stop for me."
+
+In some such state of mind as this was Mr Primrose when he returned
+from his fruitless excursion in the City. All the inquiries which
+he had made about his agent, as to where he was, and how long the
+office had been shut, and what time it would be open tomorrow, and
+ten thousand other matters, had been answered with a toil-saving
+brevity and a coldness, which intimated that the persons answering the
+questions had not so great an interest in them as the person asking
+them.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+
+Many days had now passed away since Mr Primrose had left Neverden and
+Smatterton, and since Robert Darnley had expressed his resolution
+to make prompt inquiry into the cause of the interruption of the
+correspondence between Penelope and himself. There had arrived no
+intelligence from the young gentleman: but Mr Primrose began now to
+think that he himself had not done right in listening and yielding to
+the delicate scruples of his daughter. The father of Penelope was of
+that complexion of mind that, under similar circumstances, he would
+have thanked any one for removing any misunderstanding, even had it
+been the lady herself.
+
+He knew that Robert Darnley had not been the wilful cause of breaking
+off the correspondence, and he knew also that his own daughter had
+not neglected to answer the letters which she had received. He knew
+that the parties were attached to each other, and he had learned from
+Penelope herself that there was no foundation for the story of her
+attachment to Lord Spoonbill. Now what should prevent him from writing
+to Neverden to inform the young gentleman of this fact? He thought that
+it would be an act of kindness to both parties. Nevertheless, it should
+be observed, that Mr Primrose was not one of those terribly kind people
+who force their kindness upon one, whether we like it or not, as the
+man who beat his wife and said, "It is all for your good, my dear."
+
+When therefore he was fully satisfied that it would be but an act of
+kindness to his daughter to remove the mystery from the mind of Robert
+Darnley, he did not take this step without first consulting her for
+whose benefit such step was to be taken. At breakfast he said to
+Penelope:
+
+"So, my dear, my excursion into the City was to no purpose last night.
+I find that I must make an earlier visit, and therefore I shall go
+again to-day. I hope and trust I may find matters not quite so bad as
+I first anticipated. And I think that you need not be in a very great
+hurry to engage in this profession. I cannot say I like patronage. But
+why should not we take some steps to let Robert Darnley know that the
+breaking off the correspondence was not your act? I think I ought to
+write to him. Indeed I almost promised that I would. Very likely he may
+be waiting till he hears from me."
+
+"My dear father," exclaimed Penelope, "you surely would not think of
+such a step as that. It would be exceedingly indelicate, and might
+expose me to contempt. Mr Darnley knows that I am in London, and if
+he were at all disposed to renew the correspondence, or to have an
+explanation of the cause of its interruption, he would either have
+written or have made his appearance in town. Knowing that I was at Lord
+Smatterton's, it was no difficult matter to write to me; for the letter
+would be sure to find me, if directed under cover to his lordship."
+
+"But, my dear child," interrupted Mr Primrose, "I think he expects to
+hear from me; for I recollect now having said something to that effect."
+
+"But after this long interval, if Mr Darnley were really anxious, and
+at all concerned about me, he would have written to press you to the
+performance of your promise."
+
+"He might have done so to be sure," said her father, slowly and
+thoughtfully, and then, as if recollecting himself, he continued in a
+livelier and quicker tone; "but perhaps, as he has not heard from me,
+he takes it for granted that you really were desirous of dropping the
+correspondence; and so after all you will appear to him as the person
+by whose act and deed the acquaintance has ceased."
+
+"And what will he, or can he think," rejoined Penelope, "if, under
+present circumstances, there should be on my part an effort made to
+renew the acquaintance? No, no; let the matter rest. Even if you did
+promise to write first, you may be sure that he would not have waited
+patiently all this while in expectation of hearing from you. He might
+naturally enough suppose that I should object to having overtures made
+as from me; and if he had a real regard for me, we should have heard
+from him by this time. My attachment to Mr Darnley was founded on the
+qualities and endowments of the mind, and if I were deceived as to
+them, that attachment will soon die away."
+
+"Upon my word, child," said Mr Primrose, "I really do not think you
+have any regard for Mr Darnley. You are certainly captivated by this
+Lord Spoonbill."
+
+This was said by Mr Primrose not angrily, but with a tone of mock
+reproach. Penelope shuddered at the allusion to Lord Spoonbill; but she
+endeavoured to conceal her emotion as much as possible, lest she should
+be under the necessity of informing her father of the proposal which
+his lordship had made her the day before.
+
+While this conversation was passing between Mr Primrose and his
+daughter, another scene was passing at the town mansion of the Earl of
+Smatterton, where his lordship and family had arrived on the preceding
+day. Parliament was about to meet after the prorogation. On such
+occasions his lordship's magnificence swelled out to most extraordinary
+dimensions. Then did he bethink himself that he was one of those who
+held in his hand the destiny of the British empire; and, when the
+postman brought letters from divers parts of the kingdom, his lordship
+felt himself to be the centre to which many minds were directing their
+most anxious thoughts. The letters were handed to his lordship on a
+silver tray. The servant who brought them swelled with importance,
+and even the silver tray shone with unusual brightness beneath its
+important burden.
+
+"It is very fatiguing," his lordship would sometimes say, "to have
+anything to do with public business. I often envy the obscurity of
+humble station. There is peace and quietness in the lowly valley."
+
+This, together with much more pompous sentimentality of the same kind,
+his lordship would utter when an unusual number of letters were brought
+to him. On the morning to which we now refer the number of letters was
+great, and they were spread on the table by his important lordship's
+own right honorable hands. The contents of some he anticipated, and of
+others he uttered his conjectures.
+
+"Oh! here are two from Smatterton," exclaimed his lordship: "one,
+I see, is from Kipperson: that Kipperson is really a man of some
+talent; he has very just views of things. This letter from Kipperson
+is of course on private business, which must be postponed to the more
+important affairs which concern the destiny of the empire. But from
+whom can this other letter come? I have no other correspondent there,
+except my cousin Letitia, and this is not her writing."
+
+Then his lordship looked very knowingly at the letter again. But all
+this speechification was perfectly needless; for if he wished to know
+from whom the letter came, he had nothing to do but to open it; and
+till he did open it he was not likely to know anything about it. After
+a full share of idle wonderment, his lordship took the envelope off
+the mysterious letter, and found that it was addressed to Mr Primrose.
+Thereat his lordship was angry, and expressed great astonishment at the
+liberty thus taken with his right honorable name. On looking again at
+the cover he discerned a few lines of apology, bearing the signature
+of Robert Darnley, and stating that the liberty had been taken because
+the writer did not know the gentleman's address, and because he also
+understood that Mr Primrose's daughter was under his lordship's roof.
+
+"And how am I to know the gentleman's address?" exclaimed his
+lordship with a most magnificent air.
+
+But the Countess, who had been informed by Lord Spoonbill that Penelope
+had the intention of returning to undergo her ladyship's patronage, did
+not feel quite so angry as her lord, but suggested that the young lord
+had seen Mr Primrose, and knew the name of the hotel where he lodged.
+
+"Certainly," said Lord Spoonbill, "I will take care of it." And he
+forthwith laid hands upon the letter. Lord Smatterton then added, "I
+beg that Mr Primrose may be immediately recommended to make known his
+address to Mr Darnley, that this liberty may not be taken again."
+
+When Lord Spoonbill had possession of this letter he forthwith began
+to think how he should dispose of it. He was not quite sure, though
+it came from Robert Darnley to Mr Primrose, that it must of necessity
+discourse concerning love and Penelope. When his lordship therefore in
+his own apartment sat muttering over the letter, and wondering what it
+could contain, there was some little more reason for his doubts and
+wonderments than for those of Lord Smatterton over the unopened cover
+addressed to himself. The letter in possession of Lord Spoonbill was
+not addressed to himself, and therefore he had no right to open it,
+however deeply he might feel interested in its contents.
+
+He took up the letter, and looked at the direction and at the seal;
+and he endeavoured to conjecture on what other subject than that of
+Penelope Mr Darnley could write to Mr Primrose. Then did his lordship
+poke his right honorable finger and thumb into the open sides of the
+letter, endeavouring to catch a glimpse of a word or two that might
+help him over the difficulties of conjecture. But the letter was so
+very ingeniously folded that not a single word could be seen. Hereupon,
+incredible as it may appear, his lordship was in a very great wrath,
+and was offended with the insolence of Robert Darnley, who had taken
+such pains to fold his letter, as if he had a suspicion that any
+individual of Lord Smatterton's family should have the meanness to look
+into it. This curious mode of folding the letter induced his lordship
+to make another and another attempt to read a line or a word. But
+nothing could be seen. Now, in the progress of these repeated efforts
+at investigation, the letter was so much disfigured that his lordship,
+with all his ingenuity, could not make it look like itself again.
+
+Another difficulty now arose: for his lordship was ashamed to send it
+in so questionable a shape; and should he send or make any apology, he
+must tell something very much like a lie, and perhaps by his clumsiness
+in apologizing create a suspicion of the real fact. Perplexed and
+undecided, he thrust the letter into his pocket and walked out.
+
+Lord Spoonbill must have been very much attached to Miss Primrose to
+take all this trouble, and to expose himself to so many annoyances
+on her account; and the worst of the matter was that he could not,
+in making his visit to the young lady, quote all these instances of
+mortification and self-denial as illustrations and proofs of his
+devotedness to her. He could not tell her that, for her sake, he had
+stooped to meannesses of which any other man would have been ashamed.
+He could not tell her that, in order to place her in the enviable
+rank of nobility, he had intercepted her letters and had corrupted
+the integrity of Nick Muggins, the Smatterton post-boy. By the way we
+cannot help remarking, that Muggins was much to blame for accepting
+a bribe to betray his trust. But the love of gold is an universal
+passion, it is not confined to any one class or condition of human
+life; it influences the high and the low, the rich and the poor, the
+learned and the unlearned;
+
+  "In peace it tunes the shepherd's reed,
+  In war it mounts the warrior's steed,
+  In halls in gay attire 'tis seen,
+  In hamlets dances on the green;
+  It rules the court, the camp, the grove,
+  And men below and gentlemen above."
+
+But to return to our enamoured hereditary legislator. He was walking,
+he scarcely knew whither, with Robert Darnley's letter in his pocket;
+and he was meditating most perplexedly on the various events of human
+life, on those at least which concerned himself, and he thought that he
+had been acting very much like a fool, and he felt very much inclined
+to make a mighty effort to act like a wise man. But wisdom is not an
+extemporaneous production of a fool's head. It required something more
+than a volition to change the whole tenor of the conduct.
+
+In his resolution to act more wisely, the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill made with himself this stipulation, namely, that at all
+events, and by any means honorable, or dishonorable, he must have Miss
+Primrose; for it was absolutely impossible that he could live without
+her. It was therefore no easy matter for his lordship so to manage
+matters as to gain Miss Primrose at all events, and yet to act as a
+man of honor. For here was in his pocket a letter, which, as a man of
+honor, he ought immediately to hand over to Mr Primrose; and yet he
+very strongly suspected, that if the said letter should come into the
+possession of the person to whom it was addressed, it would be most
+probably the means of placing an insuperable objection in the way of
+his lordship's designs. It also entered into the mind of the meditating
+young gentleman that, if the acquaintance between Miss Primrose and
+Robert Darnley should be renewed, there might be some talk about the
+letters which had not reached their destination, and there might be
+made some enquiries. And what if, after all, Nick Muggins should turn
+traitor! Who could tell what influences fear or hope might exercise
+over the uncivilized post-boy of Smatterton?
+
+Instruction being a much more important object than amusement, we
+feel ourselves bound to direct the attention of our readers to the
+instruction which may be derived from the fact here alluded to. Here
+is political instruction and personal instruction. We do not believe
+a word of the idle prating that some political greenhorns make about
+secret service money; but we do believe that many of those politicians,
+and they are not a few, who mistake cunning for wisdom, frequently
+become entangled in nets of their own weaving, and fall into pits
+of their own digging. To play the rogue with perfect success, is a
+perfection almost beyond the reach of ordinary humanity: for they, who
+have talent and power to do so, are generally too wise to possess the
+inclination, and they who are weak enough to possess the inclination,
+are in nine cases out of ten too clumsy to carry it on with perfect
+success. And the worst of it is, that they must make use of tools which
+are either too strong to be managed, or too weak to be depended on.
+
+This is also a lesson of instruction to persons in private life,
+especially to those who have nothing to do but to live on the fruits
+of their grandfather's industry, or their great grandfather's roguery;
+for it teaches them that, if they will pursue those ends which are
+dishonorable, they must also make use of dishonorable means; and they
+will very frequently be placed in very uncomfortable and mortifying
+situations.
+
+Now, however willing Lord Spoonbill might have been to suffer the
+letter in his possession to reach its proper destination, he found that
+he could not send it without exposing his former meanness to the risk
+of detection, and in all probability defeating the end which he had
+in view in intercepting the letters which were passing between Miss
+Primrose and Robert Darnley. In such perplexity, his lordship walked
+from one street to another till he found himself at a very considerable
+distance from Mr Primrose's hotel.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+
+Lord Spoonbill was not like Cato. For history records of the latter
+that he preferred being good to seeming so: Lord Spoonbill had no great
+objection to being a rogue, but did not like to be thought one. It was
+therefore not very pleasant for him to be placed in that dilemma, of
+which we made mention in the last chapter. He saw, or at least had good
+reason to think that he saw, that Mr Darnley was bent on renewing the
+acquaintance with Miss Primrose; and he also feared that Penelope had
+not sufficiently forgotten her first lover.
+
+There also occurred to his mind the thought that it was possible for
+Mr Darnley to make a journey to London for a personal explanation, if
+the letter to Mr Primrose should not be answered. This consideration
+suggested to his lordship the necessity of taking prompt and decided
+measures. He saw that no chance remained for him but in the way of
+matrimony. He certainly dreaded the encounter with his right honorable
+parents; but, if he could not live without Penelope, it was absolutely
+necessary that he should take steps to live with her.
+
+This is a very proper place wherein to make a digression concerning
+the omnipotence of love; and here we ought to be extremely pathetic,
+shewing and demonstrating with heart-rending eloquence, how
+irresistible is this universal passion: and perhaps some of our
+readers, not many we hope, may think that we ought to make a very
+sentimental defence of Lord Spoonbill, as some of our predecessors
+in the history of lovers have made of those idle cubs who have shewn
+their refinement and sensibility by seducing engaged or betrothed
+affections. But we do not believe in the omnipotence of love; and we
+do not think Lord Spoonbill at all deserving of pity. Falling in love
+with Penelope was on his part perfectly voluntary, deliberate, wilful,
+and intentional. It is all very possible and very plausible for an
+inexperienced and thoughtless youth to find himself mightily attached
+to a young woman before he is aware almost of the existence of the
+passion; but this was not the case with Lord Spoonbill. When he saw
+Miss Primrose he admired her; when he became more acquainted with her,
+he liked her; and, from pursuing, he loved her. But he knew from the
+first that she was otherwise engaged; and his designs towards her had
+been degrading.
+
+We have dwelt long, and perhaps tediously, on Lord Spoonbill's
+embarrassment; we have done so intentionally, because that
+embarrassment dwelt tediously on his mind, and it was necessary,
+for the sake of accuracy in the picture, to represent the case not
+transiently, but copiously.
+
+The result of the right honorable hereditary legislator's meditation
+was, that as it was not possible for him to live without Penelope, and
+as delay might expose him to the danger of being compelled to do that
+which he knew to be impossible, he would take the earliest opportunity
+of making regular and deliberate overtures of marriage. And he felt
+satisfied that the fascination of title and the splendour of opulence
+would be too much for a female heart to withstand. There was also
+another thought on which he grounded his hopes: he considered that
+the affection which Penelope had for her father would induce her more
+readily to accept an offer which would provide her with the means of
+assisting him.
+
+With this resolution he returned home; as he thought that it might be
+more advisable to communicate his intention to the parties concerned
+by letter than by word of mouth. Probably his lordship might imagine
+that, if thus Mr Primrose were made acquainted with the magnificent
+offer that awaited his daughter's acceptance, paternal pride would be
+gratified, and paternal authority might be added to other motives,
+inducing the young lady's compliance. Lord Spoonbill was by no means
+fastidious as to the manner in which he gained his object, provided
+that the object was gained.
+
+His lordship dined that day at home. During dinner he was silent, and
+looked almost sulky. The Earl and Countess inferred from these looks
+that their hopeful son was on the eve of saying or doing something not
+very agreeable to his parents; for he most usually prefaced an act
+of opposition to their will by putting himself into an ill-humour.
+This is a refined piece of domestic tactics. None however but spoiled
+children can use it with proper dexterity and complete success. When a
+wife wishes to persuade her husband out of his senses, or to guide him
+against his better judgment, her prelude is generally an extraordinary
+degree of sweetness, and her preface is made of witching smiles; and
+then the husband thinks that it would be cruel to convert such smiles
+into tears, and he passively yields to the power of the silent logic
+of the laughing eye. But the policy of a great overgrown booby is
+different. The spoiled blockhead knows that no art of his can give
+extra loveliness to his looks in the eyes of his fond parents. His own
+precious numskull is to them the ne plus ultra of human excellence.
+But if that sweet face is darkened by a frown, and if the dear pet is
+sulky, cross-grained, and ill-humoured, then anything and everything
+must be conceded to bring him back to his good-humour again.
+
+"Spoonbill, are you unwell?" said Lord Smatterton.
+
+"No," replied Spoonbill in a style of sulky abruptness, which Tony
+Lumpkin himself might have envied.
+
+"You seem to be quite out of spirits to-day:" said the Countess, in one
+of her most agreeable and winning tones.
+
+"One cannot be always laughing and talking," was the uncourteous and
+ungrateful reply.
+
+Then followed a long pause. The Earl and Countess scarcely dared
+to speak to each other, and Lord Spoonbill pertinaciously held his
+peace. Now such a state of things cannot last long; it is absolutely
+unbearable. Very soon after the servants had left the room, as the
+young man's silence and sulkiness yet continued, Lord Smatterton, who
+thought himself a bit of a politician, gave her ladyship a hint to
+indulge them with her absence.
+
+When they were alone, the Earl of Smatterton thus addressed his hopeful
+son: "Spoonbill, I fear that something is preying upon your mind. May I
+be permitted to know what it is that disturbs you?"
+
+Lord Spoonbill did not make any reply to this consolatory
+interrogation: for he felt very well satisfied that the communication
+of the cause of his concern would not be very likely to remove it. He
+therefore thought it best to contrive, if it could be so managed, to
+let the truth come out gradually, and to bring his father to guess,
+than to tell abruptly, the cause of his oppression.
+
+"You are silent," said the Earl of Smatterton. Lord Spoonbill knew that
+without requiring to be told of it. The Earl then continued:
+
+"Why should you conceal from me anything that concerns and interests
+you? I am only desirous of promoting your welfare; and, if in any
+matter I can serve you, command me."
+
+It is quite contrary to our notions of propriety that sons should
+command their parents; it was also contrary to Lord Smatterton's ideas
+of his own dignity that any one should dictate to him; but in the
+present instance he adopted the courtier's language. As his son did not
+seem disposed to command him, the father felt very much inclined to
+command his son, and to insist with mighty dignity on knowing the cause
+of this strange behaviour. But Lord Spoonbill was rather too old to be
+treated like a boy. His lordship would not be snubbed; but he could not
+always escape a lecturing.
+
+There is this difference between the rational and irrational part of
+the creation; that, among the irrational animals, the parents are in
+haste to give their offspring a hint of their independence; but among
+rational beings, the young ones are more in haste to throw off their
+dependence than parents to renounce their authority or withdraw their
+protection. One reason perhaps for this arrangement is, that rational
+youngsters are not quite so well able to guide and to take care of
+themselves as irrational animals are.
+
+The feeling of which we are here speaking operated very powerfully in
+the minds of Lord Smatterton and his son. The father was especially
+fond of authority, and the son as fond of independence: but the father
+held the purse, and there lay the great secret of his power. Lord
+Spoonbill knew that he could not marry Miss Primrose without the
+consent of more parties than himself and the young lady; he knew that
+the means of an establishment must be contributed by his own right
+honorable father; and therefore his consideration was, how to obtain
+that consent, and how to reconcile his father's well-known horror of
+plebeianism with his own marriage, with the daughter of a man who had
+originally sprung from the City. To have made the proposal flatly and
+plainly, would have put the Earl into a most tremendous passion. It was
+therefore necessary to have recourse to management.
+
+Finding that the Earl was slow in uttering conjectures, Lord Spoonbill
+was compelled to give broader hints; and for that purpose he rose
+from his seat and walked to the fire-place, and put his elbow on the
+chimney-piece, and his hand upon his forehead, and sighed--oh, how he
+did sigh! He would have been a fine subject for Chantrey; but neither
+Chantrey nor any one else could have immortalized that magnificent
+sigh.
+
+At this movement the Earl started, and exclaimed: "Are you in love,
+Spoonbill?"
+
+"Suppose I am, sir;" replied the son of the patrician, "and what
+then?"
+
+"What then!" echoed Lord Smatterton; "that very much depends on the
+person who has engaged your affections. If it be a suitable connexion,
+I shall throw no impediment in your way."
+
+"But, perhaps, what may appear a suitable connexion to me may not
+appear in the same light to you."
+
+"Of course you will not think of marrying a woman of no understanding."
+
+"Certainly not," replied Lord Spoonbill cheerfully and confidently;
+"I could not bear to live with a wife who was not a person of
+intellect."
+
+Some of our readers might not have expected this remark from Lord
+Smatterton, or this reply from Lord Spoonbill; but let those readers
+look out among their acquaintance for a great blockhead, and let
+them talk to him about intellect, and they will not wonder that Lord
+Spoonbill had a fancy for an intellectual wife. There is, now a-days, a
+great demand for intellect, and a demand will always create a supply of
+some sort or other.
+
+"And I think," continued the Earl of Smatterton, "that I know your
+opinions on that subject too well to suppose that you would ever
+degrade yourself so far as to marry a person of low birth."
+
+Lord Spoonbill bit his lips; and said, "I would never marry a woman of
+vulgar manners, whatever might be her birth."
+
+"You are right," said the Earl; "but why can you not tell me at once,
+without all this circumlocution, who is the lady that is destined to
+the honor of becoming Lady Spoonbill?"
+
+Here the young man hesitated and demurred, and endeavoured to say
+something that should amount to nothing. But the Earl was not content
+to be put off evasively, and pressed so hard, that at length the secret
+was extorted. Then was the Lord of Smatterton exceedingly astonished
+and grieved, and he groaned and shook his head most solemnly, and in a
+tone of great anguish of mind, said;
+
+"Oh, Spoonbill! Spoonbill! That you should ever have come to this! And
+have you made the young woman an offer of your hand?"
+
+"I have," replied the son, who thought that the readiest way of
+bringing the matter to a conclusion would be to avow it at once.
+
+But, when the Earl farther enquired whether the offer had been accepted
+or not, the young lord was under the necessity of acknowledging that
+it had not been exactly accepted, but that he had no doubt it would
+be. This was a curious piece of refinement in the art of lying. Lord
+Spoonbill was too scrupulous to commit himself by a downright palpable
+falsehood, which might be detected, but instead of that he had recourse
+to one of those lies, which are not so easy of detection, but which
+answer quite as well the purpose of deceit. It was quite as much a
+lie to say that he had no doubt that his offer would be accepted, as
+it would have been to say that it had already been accepted. But the
+one lie might have been detected, the other could not. He had doubts
+of his acceptance, and serious doubts too; but he thought that if the
+young lady and her father found that the match was countenanced by
+the Earl, and, if proposals could be fairly and fully made before Mr
+Darnley should have an opportunity of holding any intercourse with Miss
+Primrose or her father, there was a possibility of success.
+
+This information was indeed melancholy news to Lord Smatterton, who had
+enjoyed and pleased himself with the thought that he had to boast of
+true patrician blood, and who looked forward to see his only son uphold
+the dignity of his house. There is a pleasure in greatness which none
+but great ones know. It had been the pride of the Earl of Smatterton
+to look down with contempt on such noble families as had degraded
+themselves by admixture with plebeian blood. Now all his sneers and
+sarcasms, he thought, would be turned against himself, and it pained
+him to think that it might be said of him, "that is Lord Smatterton,
+whose son married a woman from the City."
+
+His lordship knew that his son was obstinate and headstrong, and he saw
+that there was no mode of preventing the catastrophe, if the young man
+had set his mind upon it. But notwithstanding he knew that opposition
+must be fruitless, he could not help speaking in his own peculiarly
+emphatic manner against the proposed match.
+
+"Spoonbill," said the Earl, "marry Miss Primrose if you please; but
+remember"--here his lordship made a most magnificent pause--"remember
+that your establishment must be from the fortune of your destined
+bride. From me you have nothing."
+
+Had circumstances been otherwise than they were, and not requiring
+such despatch, Lord Spoonbill would not have heeded this speech. He
+would have known that ultimately he should succeed with his magnificent
+father; but his object was to come to a speedy decision; he wished
+to be able at once to make a decided proposal. At this remark of his
+father Lord Spoonbill was angry and sulky, and he pettishly replied; "I
+think I have a right to marry as I please."
+
+"And I also have a right to use my property as I please; and I
+will never consent to appropriate any part of it to the purpose of
+introducing a woman of low birth into my family."
+
+It may be very well supposed by our readers, that the discussion on
+this interesting topic between Lord Smatterton and his son did not end
+here; and we shall not be blamed for omitting the remainder of the
+angry discussion between father and son on this very interesting and
+delicate topic. It may be very easily imagined that the son went on
+grumbling, and that the father went on prosing, for a considerable
+length of time, and that they did not arrive at any satisfactory
+conclusion.
+
+It may be also very easily imagined that when the melancholy
+intelligence was communicated to Lady Smatterton, her ladyship must
+have suffered very acutely when she found that her beloved and only
+child had so far forgotten the pure and high principles in which he
+had been nourished, as to think of bringing misery and disgrace into a
+noble family, by letting down the Spoonbills to an alliance with the
+Primroses.
+
+It is a pity that in these days of invention and ingenuity no
+contrivance can be hit upon for preventing such miserable and
+heart-breaking casualties, as patrician youths falling in love with
+plebeian damsels. The "order" of hereditary legislators has been in
+many instances most cruelly and mercilessly invaded by impertinent,
+instrusive plebeians. Sometimes love and sometimes necessity have
+compelled an union between the high and low; and yet, notwithstanding
+these painful and melancholy admixtures, patricianism has kept up a
+very pretty spirit of distinctness, and does yet contain some choice
+specimens of the finer sorts of humanity. How much more magnificent and
+sublime patricianism might have been but for these admixtures, it is
+impossible to say.
+
+It is enough however for our present purpose to observe that, with all
+the power which Lord Spoonbill, as an only one and a spoiled child,
+possessed over his parents, he was not able, even with the additional
+force of his sulkiness and ill-humour, to bring them to assent to
+the ill-assorted union which he contemplated. The Earl and Countess
+of Smatterton could not give their consent to such a humiliating and
+degrading connexion. They did not indeed know who or what Mr Primrose
+was, but they did know who and what he was not. They knew that he was
+not of their set; that he was not a man of family or title, and that
+whatever property he might possess, he had acquired it by his own
+diligence or wit. Now that was an abomination, an indelible disgrace,
+a reproach not easily to be wiped away. They took it for granted,
+indeed, that Mr Primrose had some property; but if they had known that
+even the little property which he had was placed in jeopardy, their
+indignation would have been greater still at the folly of their own
+and only precious pet essaying to unite himself with a young woman who
+had nothing to recommend her but the possession of almost every virtue
+that can adorn the female character, united with a strong and masculine
+understanding, and embellished with gracefulness of manners, gentleness
+of deportment, and a moral dignity, which was high enough to look down
+with indifference on the accidental distinctions of society.
+
+All that Lord Spoonbill could gain from his inexorable and right
+honorable parents, was a promise that they would think about it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+
+It is a sad thing to be the most unfortunate creature in the world; and
+the only consolation under such calamity, is the thought that it is
+by no means uncommon. Almost every body is in this condition at some
+period or other of his life. This calamity befel Lord Spoonbill at the
+juncture of which we are now writing. It happened under the following
+circumstances.
+
+We have related that Mr Primrose, after hearing of the stoppage of
+his banker, went into the City to his agent at a preposterously late
+hour of the day, and that in so doing he lost his labour. We have
+also related that, during the absence of Mr Primrose from his hotel,
+the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill called and made overtures to Miss
+Primrose. We have also related that Lord Spoonbill, finding that it was
+absolutely impossible to live without Penelope, and finding also that,
+without an establishment, it would be as impossible to live with her,
+had made known to his respected parents his intention to lead that same
+young lady to the altar, or, in plain English, to marry her. Leading a
+lady to the altar is merely a newspaper phrase, and sounds heathenish;
+we ought rather to say, leading her to the communion table. But, not to
+use superfluous words, let us proceed.
+
+We have narrated that the right honorable parents of Lord Spoonbill
+were indignant at the proposal of their son, and we have also stated
+that despatch was to the young gentleman an object of the greatest
+importance. The reason why he was in so much haste has also been stated.
+
+Now it so happened, that on the very day on which the letter of Robert
+Darnley was intercepted at the house of Lord Smatterton, and by the
+meanness of Lord Spoonbill, Mr Primrose went again into the City and
+called on his agent, and made enquiries concerning the probabilities
+or chances of his bankers paying a good dividend. In these enquiries
+he found himself most agreeably surprised, by ascertaining two very
+important points: one was, that only part, and that no very great
+part of his property had been paid into the hands of the said banker;
+and another was, that what had been already paid there would, in
+all probability, be soon forthcoming again, very little, if at all,
+diminished by the untoward circumstances that compelled a stoppage.
+
+While therefore Lord Spoonbill was sulking and pouting to his papa
+and mama about Penelope Primrose, that young lady was enjoying the
+agreeable and pleasant intelligence which her father had brought from
+the City. The brief discussion which passed between the father and
+daughter concerning the propriety of writing to Robert Darnley, we have
+already narrated. This took place on the morning of the day on which
+Mr Primrose, going into the City, found his affairs in so much better
+order than he had anticipated.
+
+On the evening of that day the subject was renewed, though but faintly
+and indirectly. But in the course of conversation Mr Primrose alluded
+to the offer which Mr Pringle, the new rector of Smatterton, had made
+of accommodating Mr Primrose with the parsonage-house, provided he
+should choose to take up his residence at Smatterton. Now Penelope
+loved Smatterton for many reasons. There had she first learned to
+know and feel what was real kindness of heart. With that village were
+blended all her early associations and recollections. She loved the
+village church, and there was to her ear music in its abrupt little
+ring of six small bells. The very air of the village was wholesome
+to her, morally as well as physically. The great booby boys and the
+freckled girls of the village were her intimates; not her companions
+indeed, but she could sympathize with them, although they could not
+always sympathize with her. She also knew the cows and the dogs and the
+horses. She knew the names of a great many of them; and very often,
+during her short sojourn in the great city, she had called to mind with
+a starting tear the recollection of the monotonous, drawling, daily
+tone, with which the farmers' men talked to these animals.
+
+When therefore her father proposed taking up his abode at Smatterton,
+and hiring for that purpose the parsonage-house, she altogether
+forgot its vicinity to Neverden and its association with the name of
+Darnley, and she was delighted with the prospect of going back again
+to those scenes with which her mind connected images of pleasure and
+recollections of peace.
+
+It was with ready and delightful acquiescence that Penelope assented to
+the proposal; and as Mr Primrose saw that his child was pleased with
+the thought of going to reside at Smatterton, he hastened to put his
+intentions into execution; and at the very time that Lord Spoonbill
+was grumbling about his right to marry whomsoever he pleased, Mr
+Primrose was making arrangements to leave London.
+
+The father of Penelope was not slow in his movements, and he was not
+in the habit of giving his purposes time to cool. He wrote by that
+evening's post to Smatterton, and at an early hour on the following
+morning he and his daughter commenced their journey. So that when Lord
+Spoonbill, who heeded not his father's long lecture on the subject
+of dignity, called again at Mr Primrose's hotel, and heard that the
+gentleman and his daughter were gone, and that they were gone to
+Smatterton, then his lordship was grieved beyond measure, and his
+perplexity was serious, and his fears rose within him: for he took it
+for granted that there must soon be an interview and an explanation,
+and then he distrusted Nick Muggins, and there rose up before his
+mind's eye the phantom of that ungainly cub and his clumsy pony: that
+image which, in the recollection of most who had seen it, would excite
+a smile at its uncouthness, was to the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill
+productive of very painful emotions and disagreeable apprehensions. So
+his lordship thought himself the most unfortunate creature in the world.
+
+Then again there was in his lordship's possession the letter from
+Robert Darnley to Mr Primrose, and his lordship hardly knew what to do
+with that. He thought that the secret of his having already detained it
+for a whole day must inevitably transpire. Whether he should send it
+or detain it would be equally ruinous to his schemes. He looked very
+thoughtfully at the letter, and at length resolved to send it with an
+explanation to Mr Primrose at Smatterton. He thought that, if there
+should be on the letter any symptoms of curious or prying fingers, it
+might be attributed to any one rather than to his lordship; and he
+thought that, at the worst, no one would explicitly charge him with
+an attempt to penetrate into its secresy. The letter was therefore
+despatched with an apology for its detention as much like a lie as
+anything that a lord could write.
+
+There was nothing now left for Lord Spoonbill to do but to sigh over
+his calamitous loss as deeply as he could, and to explain to his
+father, as ingeniously as might be, the singular event of the sudden
+departure of Mr Primrose and his daughter from London, at the very
+moment when a right honorable suitor for the young lady's hand had
+started up in the person of Lord Spoonbill. The son said it was very
+strange, and the father also thought it was very strange, and he
+recommended his son not to have any farther correspondence with persons
+who could behave thus disrespectfully. But the young gentleman was too
+much enamoured to listen to such advice, and he exercised most heartily
+all his little wits to devise means of carrying on his suit to Penelope.
+
+For the present we must leave his loving lordship in London, enjoying
+all the luxuries and splendors which gas, fog, smoke, foolery, wax
+candles, painted faces, late hours, French cookery, Italian music,
+prosy dancing, Whig politics, and patrician scandal, could afford him.
+It is far more to our taste to follow Mr Primrose and his daughter into
+the country than to remain with Lord Spoonbill in London. If any of our
+readers wish to know what Lord Spoonbill did with himself in London,
+they may form a tolerably correct idea from ascertaining how the rest
+of that tribe occupy their time. He was a very fashionable man, he knew
+all the common-places perfectly, and with his own set he was quite at
+home. There let us leave him.
+
+Mr Primrose and Penelope travelled to Smatterton in perfect safety;
+and the father congratulated himself and his daughter upon their safe
+arrival, observing that had they ventured to use the stage-coach
+instead of post-chaises, they would certainly have had their necks
+broken at the bottom of some steep hill.
+
+Their reception at Smatterton parsonage was most cordial and highly
+courteous. Nothing could exceed the happiness of the young rector
+in receiving under his roof so respected a friend as Mr Primrose.
+Preparations had been made according to the best of the young
+clergyman's ability; and, as Mr Primrose's letter mentioned the day
+and the hour of his arrival, Mr Pringle thought that he could not do
+otherwise than make a party to meet the gentleman at dinner.
+
+Since the departure of Mrs Greendale from Smatterton, the establishment
+of Mr Pringle had continued the same, but his domestics had not had
+a very bustling life; and they ventured to contradict the popular
+theory which represents man as a creature of habit. For during the
+reign of Mrs Greendale they had been accustomed to fly about the house
+with unceasing bustle and activity, but since her departure they had
+become almost as lazy as their master. The domestics were two female
+servants, one about sixty and the other about forty. They were clumsy
+and uncouth, but their clumsiness was hardly visible in the time of
+Mrs Greendale; for under her administration they had been habituated
+to move about with most marvellous celerity, and now that the old
+lady was departed they seemed glad to take breath, and they took it
+very leisurely. It was a great mercy that they were not absolutely
+broken-winded.
+
+There was also remaining in the establishment a man servant, an
+amphibious animal as it were, not because he lived partly on land and
+partly in water, but as living partly in the house and partly out
+of it. He was a mighty pluralist, and filled, or rather occupied,
+many places; and from the universality of his genius he might,
+had he been in higher station, have aspired to be prime minister,
+commander-in-chief, lord chancellor, and archbishop of Canterbury. As
+it was, his occupations were quite as multitudinous and heterogeneous.
+His great skill was in gardening, and finding that he was successful
+in cultivating cabbages, he ventured also to undertake the cavalry
+department in the late Dr Greendale's service. His duties here were not
+many or oppressive, seeing that the late doctor kept but one horse,
+and that was very quiet and gentle. This universal genius acted also
+as butler and footman. In this last capacity he did not shine. He did
+not want for head, he had enough of that, and more than enough. As for
+figure, it is difficult to say what that was, it was so exceedingly
+indefinite. It was considerate of the late Dr Greendale that he did not
+task the poor man very hardly as to his department of footman. But the
+new rector loved state, and it was his pride to keep a livery servant,
+and he would also insist upon the attendance of this man at table. And
+though the footman was not himself a great adept in waiting at table,
+he soon brought his master to wait.
+
+With this ungainly establishment, the Reverend Charles Pringle took it
+into his head to give a dinner to as many as he could collect, in order
+to pay a compliment to Mr Primrose, and to pay court to Miss Primrose.
+Unfortunately for Mr Pringle it did not answer.
+
+It would be wearying to our readers to have the particulars and
+the failures of a clumsy mockery of an elegant dinner set forth at
+full length. Let it be supposed that there was expense, inelegance,
+constraint, anxiety, mortification. As we are not writing for cooks, we
+pass over the minutenesses of a spoiled dinner; the greatest evil of
+which was, that the party was in some degree silent during the progress
+of dinner, for they had not much opportunity of talking gastronomically.
+
+The English people can talk, but they must have something to begin
+with. If they meet out of doors, they must begin talking about the
+weather, and within doors, especially at dinner time, they must begin
+talking about eatables and drinkables. From such beginnings they can
+go on to any subject; but they must of necessity have a common-place
+beginning.
+
+After the cloth was removed, and the spoiled or ill-arranged dishes
+were forgotten, the party felt themselves more at liberty. We have not
+yet named the persons who composed the party; and when we say that
+Mr Kipperson, Mr Zephaniah Pringle, and five or six of lesser note
+were present, our readers may well suppose that there was no lack of
+inclination to discourse, especially on the part of those two gentlemen
+whom we have named.
+
+Now it has been stated, that Zephaniah the critic had carried down to
+Smatterton an awkward rumour concerning Penelope Primrose. The source
+from whence the said critic had gathered the information has been also
+stated. But as soon as the intelligence of Mr Primrose's intention to
+reside with his daughter at Smatterton reached the new rector, and
+was by him communicated to his brother and to Mr Kipperson, a virtual
+contradiction was given to the ill report; and then all three of the
+gentlemen found out that they had never believed it.
+
+To render themselves as agreeable as possible to Mr Primrose, the
+three whom we have named talked great abundance of nonsense and
+magnificence. Their first concern immediately after dinner was to
+consult on the best means of saving the nation. Mr Kipperson was well
+satisfied that nothing would or could do the nation the slightest
+service, so long as the agricultural interest was neglected. There were
+two serious evils which were growing worse and worse, the increase of
+the population, and the importation of foreign grain. The ingenious
+agriculturist proved that the farmer was eaten up by the increasing
+population, and that the quantity of grain in the country was so large
+that it could not find consumers.
+
+Zephaniah Pringle agreed with Mr Kipperson in the grand principle that
+there were too many consumers for the corn, and too much corn for the
+consumers. There was the great evil, he thought, in these two troubles
+existing at once; were they in existence separately they might soon
+be got rid of. The consumers might consume an extra quantity, and
+soon settle matters in that way, or the want of corn might thin the
+consumers, and soon settle matters that way. But, while the two evils
+operated together, they were dreadful calamities.
+
+Those of our readers who are not agriculturists, or political
+economists, cannot understand this reasoning, or, more properly
+speaking, they will not; they are blinded by their own interested
+feelings; they have prejudices which agriculturists have not.
+
+But though Zephaniah Pringle agreed with Mr Kipperson, that the people
+were starving because there was too much corn, and that the corn could
+not find consumers because there were so many people to eat it, yet
+he thought that there were more serious evils in the country yet. He
+thought that those obscure seditious newspapers and vile trumpery
+publications, which nobody reads and which everybody despises, which
+are published by a set of needy miscreants, who spare no expense in
+circulating them all over the kingdom, had corrupted the minds of all
+the people in this once happy land. He thought that the nation was in
+a most prosperous condition, and that nothing was wanting to render it
+more prosperous, than an additional number of bishops, and an increase
+in the numbers of the yeomanry cavalry.
+
+Mr Primrose listened with polite and pleased attention to these
+dextrous and acute politicians, and he thought that his Majesty need
+never be at a loss for a prime minister, or for two, if he wanted
+them, while Zephaniah Pringle and Mr Kipperson should live. But, as Mr
+Primrose was neither an agriculturist, nor a political economist, he
+felt himself a little puzzled to reconcile the apparent contradiction
+which was contained in Mr Kipperson's statement of the agricultural
+grievances. Mr Kipperson was very properly angry with Mr Primrose for
+expressing a doubt on the subject; and the scientific agriculturist
+immediately and satisfactorily explained that all the superfluous
+population was pennyless, and could not pay for the corn which they
+would like to consume. Whereupon Mr Primrose understood that in the
+good old times people were born with money in their pockets.
+
+Zephaniah Pringle almost feared that Mr Primrose was a radical, at
+least he thought he was in the high road to become so, unless he should
+resist that foolish propensity of wishing to understand what he talked
+about.
+
+There might have been at the table of Mr Pringle, rector of Smatterton,
+some diversity of political opinion, as there certainly was, seeing
+that Mr Kipperson was a Whig, and Zephaniah Pringle a Tory; but the
+corn question most cordially united them. How far these gentlemen
+differed in some other points, we have seen already in the matter
+of mechanics' institutes. On this subject Mr Kipperson's hopes were
+rather too sanguine; and perhaps Zephaniah the critic was too nervously
+susceptible, on the other hand, of apprehensions of danger to the
+Protestant succession; for, to his mind, the mechanics' institutes
+had no other ultimate object in view than transubstantiation and
+republicanism.
+
+Concerning gymnastics, the gentlemen also differed. Zephaniah condemned
+them in toto, and so did the rector of Smatterton, in spite of his
+whiggism. Mr Kipperson spoke very learnedly about muscles and tension,
+and proved that bodily exercise was essential to intellectual vigour;
+but he had the candour to acknowledge that he could never persuade his
+men to take gymnastic exercises when their day's work was over; and he
+attributed their ignorance of science to their neglect of gymnastics.
+
+The whole of the conversation, to which we have above alluded, did not
+take place in the hearing of Miss Primrose, nor indeed did one tenth
+part of it; for the fatigue of the journey, together with the agitation
+of her spirits, led her to make an early retreat from the dining-room.
+And the old female servant, who had known Penelope from childhood,
+was delighted in the opportunity of again attending upon her. Fluent
+was the old gentlewoman's speech, and mightily communicative was she
+touching the various changes which had taken place in Smatterton and
+Neverden since the decease of the good Dr Greendale. The kind-hearted
+woman also expressed herself delighted at the return of Miss Primrose
+to Smatterton, inasmuch as there was one person who would be so happy
+to see her again, and that person was Mr Robert Darnley. Penelope
+begged that his name might never be mentioned again in her hearing, and
+thereupon the poor old domestic began to fear that there was some truth
+in the stories that had been talked about in the village concerning
+Miss Primrose and Lord Spoonbill. And when the old servant found that
+she could not talk to her late young mistress concerning love-matters,
+she hastily finished her discourse and left the young lady to retire
+quietly to rest.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+
+The news of Mr Primrose's arrival at Smatterton soon reached the
+rectory at Neverden. Had it not found its way there sooner, Mr
+Zephaniah Pringle would have been the first to communicate the
+intelligence on the following morning. The arrival having been
+announced, was of course expected. And there was much anxiety
+felt on the subject by all the parties concerned: of course more
+especially by Robert Darnley. For in consequence of his letter having
+been unanswered, he had fully determined, in spite of all domestic
+opposition and paternal expostulation, to make a journey to London for
+the purpose of explanation.
+
+The elder Mr Darnley was mightily displeased to hear of the purpose
+which Mr Primrose had in view in coming to Smatterton. To the
+fastidious mind of the rector of Neverden it appeared very indelicate
+for Miss Primrose, after what had taken place, to throw herself in the
+way of Mr Robert Darnley: for in no other light could the rector of
+Neverden regard the meditated settlement of Mr Primrose at Smatterton.
+
+It is a great pity that such a man as Mr Darnley, who had for the most
+part a good understanding and good feelings, should be so obstinate
+in his prejudices and so immoveable in his fancies. He had, for some
+reason or other, taken it into his head that Miss Primrose was proud
+and fantastical and unfeeling; and nothing could bring him to think
+favourably of her. He saw everything that she did or said through the
+deceptive medium of his erroneous apprehension of her character. It was
+a vain attempt to turn him from his humour. He had thoroughly believed
+at the first the calumnious report brought from London by Zephaniah
+Pringle. He had also believed that it was Penelope's own wish, purpose,
+and desire, to adopt the musical profession; and though he had felt
+satisfied that the cessation of the correspondence between his son and
+the young lady had sprung altogether from the caprice of the latter,
+yet he considered that this meditated residence in Smatterton was,
+on the part of Penelope, with a desire of meeting again with Robert
+Darnley.
+
+We have already acknowledged, nor do we wish to retract the
+acknowledgment, that the rector of Neverden was a very conscientious,
+attentive, and upright parish priest; we will give him credit for
+great zeal and activity in the discharge of his pastoral duties; but,
+notwithstanding all this, he was grievously deficient in one part
+of the Christian character, seeing that he had very little of that
+"charity which thinketh no evil." We have seen other good people,
+besides the rector of Neverden, who, fancying themselves models of all
+that is right, and patterns for the rest of the world, have exercised a
+perverse ingenuity in discovering, and an unholy pleasure in displaying
+and condemning, their neighbours' faults, real or imaginary. These
+people imagine that they cannot show a dislike of what is wrong without
+exhibiting a degree of malignity against such as transgress. Now the
+late Dr Greendale, though a man of great purity and integrity, had
+no such feeling as this. He was as candid as he was pure, and his
+gentleness was equal to his integrity. And the people of his parish
+liked him very much for his goodness and gentleness, and so his
+character had a very powerful influence upon them. But Mr Darnley was a
+different kind of man.
+
+When Zephaniah Pringle therefore made his appearance at Neverden,
+and repeated the information which had already been conveyed to the
+rectory, as touching the arrival of Mr and Miss Primrose at Smatterton,
+the Rev. Mr Darnley expressed himself astonished at the indecorum and
+want of feeling which Miss Primrose manifested.
+
+"Mr Pringle, I am quite surprized at this intelligence. Your relative
+at Smatterton has certainly a right to let the parsonage-house if he
+pleases; but I must say that I could wish, for the sake of public
+morals, that it had a more respectable tenant."
+
+Now as Penelope had appeared most truly respectable, and not a
+little fascinating in the eyes of Zephaniah the critic, and as he
+was not quite certain that the rumour which he had been the means of
+circulating was quite founded on fact, and as his doubts were stronger
+after he had seen Penelope and her father, he wished to unsay or
+to soften down what he had said. He therefore replied to the above
+exclamation:
+
+"Why really, sir, I must say that I think Miss Primrose a respectable
+young lady, and it is probable that the report which I heard in town
+may not be perfectly correct. And indeed, as the lady is about to
+reside with her father, it is certainly not true to its full extent."
+
+Mr Darnley was not much in the habit of changing his opinion on matters
+of fact any more than on matters of speculation; and having once felt
+himself persuaded that Miss Primrose had acted improperly, it was no
+easy matter for Mr Pringle to bring him to change the view which he
+had entertained of the young lady's character. Reasoning may be a
+very fine thing, and logic may be a very fine thing, and facts may be
+very stubborn things; but neither reasoning nor logic can make a man
+change his opinion, if he does not like to do so; and there are no
+facts in the world so stubborn as a conceited man's own stubborn will.
+Mr Darnley took it for granted that whatever he took for granted must
+be most incontestably true; and Mr Darnley had taken it for granted
+that Miss Primrose had not demeaned herself aright, and nothing could
+convince him to the contrary. He adhered to the general thought,
+though beaten out of all its particulars. We would not recommend any
+one who has exalted notions of the power of reasoning and the force of
+evidence, to endeavour to convince another of any fact or speculation,
+till that other has shewn symptoms of an inclination to believe such
+fact or to adopt such theory.
+
+It was all in vain that Zephaniah Pringle contended that Miss Primrose
+could not possibly be living dishonorably with Lord Spoonbill in
+London, while she was living quietly and reputably with her father at
+Smatterton. Mr Darnley had made up his mind, and nothing could shake
+his conclusions. Of some heads it is observed, that you can get nothing
+into them; of others it may with as much truth be said, that you can
+get nothing out of them. In this latter predicament was placed the head
+of the rector of Neverden.
+
+When therefore Zephaniah found that no impression was to be made on
+Mr Darnley, he gave up the discussion, not a little regretting that
+he himself had, for the sake of gratifying a little vanity in talking
+about his own intimacy with Lord Spoonbill, done an injury which he
+could not undo. He began also to fear lest he should be detected
+and exposed; and under that apprehension he found himself uneasy at
+Smatterton, and wished that his visit was finished. This served him
+perfectly right. He had made public talk of what had been told to him
+in confidence, and as a secret, and he had circulated a calumnious
+report, careless whether it were true or false, and heedless what
+injury it might inflict upon innocence, or what misery it might
+occasion to those concerned.
+
+Yet this prodigiously conceited puppy could and did in his critical
+lucubrations write himself down as being most zealously devoted to the
+service of religion, and he would make a mighty noise about those most
+execrable and abominable caitiffs, who presume to question one iota of
+the faith according to Queen Elizabeth.
+
+It is hard, very hard, that religion should have to bear the reproach
+of the whims, vagaries, bigotry, and fanaticism of many, who are
+sincere in their profession and honest in their intemperate zeal; but
+it is doubly hard that a set of coxcomical greenhorns, who scarcely
+know the difference between the Bible and the Koran, who cannot tell
+why they believe, and who do not care what they believe, who never
+enter a church, and who never doubt because they never think, it is
+doubly hard that all their impertinent arrogance should be laid to the
+charge of a religion which has never influenced one action of their
+lives, or one thought of their hearts.
+
+Finding that Mr Darnley the elder would not listen to or be influenced
+by any recantation of his calumny, the critic next sought for the young
+gentleman to whom he made known the fact of the arrival of Mr Primrose
+at Smatterton.
+
+During the visit, which the loyal and religious Zephaniah Pringle paid
+at Smatterton, there had been comparatively little intercourse between
+him and Robert Darnley. This was owing to two causes: in the first
+place, Robert Darnley was in low spirits, and had not much intercourse
+with any one; and, in the second place, he had a contempt for puppyism,
+and Zephaniah had wit enough to see that he had.
+
+In the present instance it was an object with Mr Pringle to correct any
+erroneous notion which he might have conveyed to the mind of Mr Robert
+Darnley; he therefore began the conversation.
+
+"I think I must have been in an error when I informed you, as you may
+remember, that Miss Primrose was living with Lord Spoonbill."
+
+"Very likely you were, sir," replied Mr Robert Darnley, somewhat
+abruptly; "but did you not insinuate to me that you had the information
+from Lord Spoonbill himself?"
+
+This question was perplexing to the critic. He had insinuated as
+much, but he had not absolutely said so. Therefore he could not
+promptly reply in the negative, but was forced to make use of a little
+circumlocution, saying:
+
+"Why not exactly so; I did not say that Lord Spoonbill himself told me
+in so many words: I merely--I said---that is--a very intimate friend of
+Spoonbill said, that he thought--that is, he understood that--I believe
+he said that he had reason to suspect that some arrangement was likely
+to be made--"
+
+Thereupon the explanation tapered off into an indistinct muttering
+that was sufficient, if for no other purpose, at least to show that
+Mr Zephaniah Pringle was a sneaking, shuffling, contemptible fellow.
+Robert Darnley was not in the habit of flying into a violent passion
+when he felt contempt for any meanness of character or conduct; if
+such had been his temperament, the present was an occasion, all
+circumstances being considered, strong enough to tempt him to knock a
+fool's head and the wall together. He contented himself with coolly
+saying:
+
+"It is a great pity, sir, that you should have circulated a report of
+that nature before you were quite certain that it was true."
+
+"I am very sorry indeed," replied Zephaniah, "that I was led into
+such an error."
+
+"Well, well," said Robert Darnley, "I dare say it will not be
+productive of any very serious consequence. Nobody who was at all
+acquainted with Miss Primrose could possibly believe the report."
+
+Zephaniah Pringle thought it but poor consolation to be told that he
+was not likely to be believed. He felt himself indeed so thoroughly
+humbled, that he was heartily glad to bring his conference with Robert
+Darnley to a close. The critic very soon said, "Good morning," and
+Robert Darnley returned his "Good morning" in such a tone, and with
+such an air, as to make Zephaniah experience the sensation of being
+looked down upon.
+
+It was a great refreshment and relief to the mind of the younger
+Darnley, to hear that Penelope and her father had arrived at
+Smatterton. He had never believed the calumnious tale of the loyal and
+religious critic, but he certainly did entertain some apprehension
+that assiduous attentions from a person of high rank and large estate
+might produce in time an effect even upon the mind of Penelope. As
+now Mr Primrose had come down expressly to take up his residence at
+Smatterton, and as this was not a time of year for such families as
+that of the Earl of Smatterton to take up their abode in the country,
+there was some ground to hope that, if the young nobleman had even made
+endeavours to gain the affection of Penelope, he had not succeeded.
+
+It was the blessing of Robert Darnley's mind that he had a disposition
+to look on the most favorable aspect of events, and it was not in
+his nature to yield himself up to a slight misunderstanding or
+misapprehension. Many miseries might be avoided if mankind possessed in
+general a little more of that kind of considerateness; but the evil
+is, that they too often take up with any idle tale, and are led by
+the merest and slightest apprehensions into quarrels, coldnesses, and
+loss of friendships: inasmuch, that a quarrel is courteously called a
+misunderstanding, much to the reproach indeed of the misunderstanders;
+for it is thereby intimated that the parties quarrel merely for the
+want of taking the pains to understand one another, or sometimes
+perhaps to understand themselves.
+
+Under the circumstances which belong to this narration, it would
+have been very possible for two simpletons to have made themselves
+completely wretched. And as some people are very glad to be miserable
+for the sake of the pathos and sentimentality thereof, we will tell
+these people, though perhaps they could find it out without our
+assistance, how they might make themselves truly wretched under similar
+circumstances.
+
+To gain this desirable end, the gentleman and the lady should have
+despaired of meeting each other again, and should have carefully
+avoided everything that might lead to an explanation, and they should,
+while very much in love with each other, have made all possible haste
+to give their hands to another. They ought to have married, as it
+were, out of spite, and then after marriage they ought to have met by
+accident, and to have explained; and then they ought to have compared
+notes, and to have made it out that one had the worst husband, and
+the other the worst wife, in the world; and then they would have had
+nothing more to do than to have made a very pretty tragical conclusion
+of the business, either giving employment to, what the newspapers call,
+the gentlemen of the long robe, or, more seriously still, causing the
+calling together of a coroner's jury.
+
+It was well for Robert Darnley that such was not his disposition. He
+thought it much the best to ascertain, if he possibly could, what
+were Penelope's real sentiments; and for that purpose he had already
+spoken to her father, and, as no result had come from speaking, he
+had written; and if his letter had not been soon answered, or if Mr
+Primrose had not arrived at Smatterton, he would have visited the party
+in London.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+
+The arrival of Mr Primrose and Penelope at Smatterton gave trouble and
+disturbance to many minds there, and at Neverden. We shall be fortunate
+if, without tediousness, we can explain this.
+
+Zephaniah Pringle was troubled, because he laboured under the
+apprehension that some kind friend or other might communicate to the
+father what had been said of the daughter. And Zephaniah very naturally
+thought that the young lady's father would resent the insult very much
+to the inconvenience, bodily or mental, of the said loyal and religious
+critic.
+
+The elder Mr Darnley was troubled, as we have already intimated, lest
+this arrival should again unsettle the mind of his son. Mrs Darnley
+also thought it was a pity, now Robert had so nearly recovered his
+spirits, that there should be any probability of his being again
+disturbed. Miss Mary Darnley, who, by frequent literary and scientific
+discussions with the learned and scientific Mr Kipperson, had become
+a great admirer of the gentleman, was jealous of the presence of Miss
+Primrose again in the country. The two other young ladies, who did not
+like to hear their father preach, except in the pulpit, were troubled
+with the apprehension of long lectures on the impropriety of being
+improperly in love.
+
+Mr Kipperson also had his troubles; for though it would have given him
+great pleasure to have gained the heart of Miss Primrose, he thought
+he saw several formidable rivals among gentlemen of more suitable age.
+But Mr Kipperson had too much self-love to suffer much from love of any
+other description. Robert Darnley was troubled and perplexed, though
+very much pleased. He now saw that he should have an opportunity of
+ascertaining the truth: but in either case there was an evil. For if
+Penelope still retained a regard for him, there was yet to be dreaded
+the opposition of his father; and if she did not, the change would be
+painful to him.
+
+But the greatest trouble was at Neverden Hall. There was residing under
+the roof of Sir George Aimwell a young lady, who had been consigned
+to the care of the worthy baronet. The name of this lady was Arabella
+Glossop. She had very recently been sent to Neverden by her careful
+father, in order that time, absence, and change of scene, might
+eradicate from her mind an unfortunate attachment which she had formed
+for a pennyless lieutenant.
+
+Here we cannot but suggest to our legislators an improvement, which
+might and ought to be made in our military code. It is melancholy
+to think how many instances have occurred of men of low family and
+no fortune winning the hearts of young ladies of high birth, of
+respectable connexions, and of good fortune. This might be prevented by
+a law, making it felony for a military officer without fortune to fall
+in love with a lady of good family.
+
+Miss Glossop was not indeed of high family; but she was the daughter of
+a gentleman whose family had with great diligence been pushing itself
+up into consideration and importance. The mortification of anything
+like a humiliating connexion was so much the greater. Mr Glossop, the
+young lady's father, was an eminent solicitor in a small but genteel
+town, and had married a distant relation of Sir George Aimwell. Of this
+connexion Mr Glossop was naturally proud; and he made the most of it.
+
+In the town where he lived was a theatre; and the company which
+performed there was pronounced by such London performers as
+occasionally lent their mighty selves for provincial exhibition, to
+be one of the best provincial companies they had ever performed
+with. When an actor from London made his appearance on the stage,
+Miss Glossop honored the theatre with her presence. Greatly did the
+young lady surprize the natives by her studied inattention to what was
+passing on the stage. It was to her a mighty amusement to laugh and
+talk aloud, especially during those passages of the performance which
+were most interesting to the rest of the audience. By such means did
+Miss Glossop manifest her own importance and superiority. This kind
+of public rudeness passed with the ignorant people in the country for
+elegance and fashion.
+
+The young lady was in error in this respect. But not only was she wrong
+in her calculations in this point. Many other blunders did she make.
+For being very pretty, she thought herself handsome; and being tall,
+she thought herself elegant; and being acquainted with many books, she
+thought herself learned; and having a full, clear, comprehensive voice,
+she thought herself a beautiful singer; and being able to perform at
+sight very complicated pieces of music, she apprehended that she was an
+excellent musician; and being rude and blunt in her manner of speaking,
+she thought herself a person of great intellectual superiority; and
+from being very much stared at, she took it for granted that she was
+very much admired.
+
+Now this lady did not apprehend that there was any individual in the
+compass of her provincial acquaintance worthy to aspire to the honor
+of her hand; and she was in the habit of giving herself such arrogant
+and domineering airs at the country balls, that a facetiously inclined
+young gentleman once actually contrived in the advertisement announcing
+these balls, to have the name of Arabella Glossop, Esq., printed as one
+of the stewards. The circumstance caused a great deal of talk at the
+time; but it is now totally forgotten, or at least very seldom alluded
+to. The printer of the paper was forced to tell a great many lies to
+save himself from serious inconvenience.
+
+At one of these country balls there happened to be a lieutenant who was
+quartered in that neighbourhood, and was a person of exceedingly good
+address, and also of good understanding, except that he was so very
+desirous of obtaining a fortune, that, for the sake of money, he would
+willingly have married Miss Glossop. He had heard reports of the lady's
+fortune, and these reports were of course exaggerated. He paid the
+usual attentions, and was so far successful that, had it not been for
+some untoward accident, Mr Glossop's ambition of matching his daughter
+with some gentleman of fortune and consideration in the county, would
+have been frustrated by a poor lieutenant.
+
+As soon as the unfortunate attachment was made known to the father, he
+put himself with all suitable speed into a most towering passion; he
+banged all the doors, thumped all the tables, kicked all the chairs,
+and, but for the interference of Mrs Glossop, would have broken all
+the crockery in the house, because his daughter would not listen to
+reason. The young lady was locked up; but the young lady grew sulky,
+and thought that her dear lieutenant was the most charming creature in
+the world, because her father was in a violent passion. And the more
+angry was Mr Glossop, the more deeply in love was Miss Glossop.
+
+We have said that the young lady was locked up. Now Arabella did not
+like this discipline, and she seriously threatened her inexorable
+paa, that if she was not suffered to have her own way, she would
+either starve herself to death, or go mad. This last idea was no doubt
+suggested by a pathetic passage in one of Oliver Goldsmith's poems,
+wherein he says:
+
+  "The dog to gain his private ends
+  Went mad."----
+
+Whatever apprehensions Mr Glossop might entertain concerning his
+daughter's madness, he certainly had some slight idea that he himself
+might be driven mad by the young lady's perverseness and obstinacy.
+Therefore he adopted the very wise and prudent precaution, in such
+cases made and provided, of sending the lovely and loving Arabella to
+his worthy friend and relative, Sir George Aimwell, Bart.
+
+Mr Glossop wisely thought that absence and change of scene might
+produce a beneficial change in his daughter's mind. The worthy baronet
+was pleased with the charge; for as the shooting season was nearly
+over, and as he had suffered very bitterly from the encroachments of
+the poachers, and as the transgressing ones had made their escape, he
+was glad of anything that promised him a little amusement. Arabella had
+always been a favorite with the baronet on account of her high spirit,
+and when he heard of the nature of the complaint which rendered change
+of air desirable, he very readily undertook the charge, thinking that
+a better remedy was within reach, and that Robert Darnley might very
+probably banish from the mind of his young kinswoman all thoughts of
+the poor lieutenant.
+
+Nor did the baronet judge unwisely. For, as soon as the lady had taken
+up her abode at Neverden Hall, her spirits revived, and her wit and
+humour were all alive again, and her love of admiration was as strong
+as ever, and she very soon pronounced Robert Darnley to be a charming
+young fellow. The worthy baronet was pleased with such good symptoms,
+and had written word to her father accordingly. To a match of this
+nature Mr Glossop had no very great objection. The Darnleys were of
+good family, and the young man was likely to have a good property.
+Perhaps, Mr Glossop would have preferred an union with the family of
+the Earl of Smatterton; but at all events the Darnleys were better than
+poor lieutenants.
+
+The circumstance of Arabella Glossop being placed under the care of
+Sir George Aimwell, had rendered the intercourse between the hall and
+the rectory rather more frequent than usual; and the baronet had of
+course been made acquainted with the fact of Robert Darnley's former
+engagement to Miss Primrose. When, therefore, Penelope and her father
+made their appearance at Smatterton again, and thus gave a virtual
+contradiction to the calumnious report which Mr Zephaniah Pringle had
+circulated, Sir George began to be apprehensive that his schemes with
+regard to the son of the rector of Neverden were very likely to fail.
+
+We have now explained according to the best of our ability, and in
+as few words as distinctness would permit us to use, the varied
+perplexities occasioned by the apparently simple fact of Mr Primrose
+and his daughter taking up their abode at Smatterton rectory. Oh! how
+complicated are the interests of humanity, and what mighty changes
+are made in the history of the world and the destiny of nations by
+movements apparently trifling and of no moment. Common people do not
+observe these things; it is only such wise people, gentle reader, as
+you and I and Tacitus, that can take a philosophical and comprehensive
+view of the history of man. But we must economise our wisdom, or it
+will not hold out. Therefore let us proceed with our history.
+
+The letter which Robert Darnley had written to Mr Primrose, and which
+the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill had fruitlessly fumbled and tumbled
+to ascertain the contents thereof, found its way at last into the hands
+for which it was by its writer originally destined. It was brought to
+Smatterton, as usual, by Nick Muggins.
+
+Nick was a poor lad and a somewhat simple one, though not altogether
+lacking craftiness. He was not so rich as an archdeacon, but he had not
+quite determined that he was too poor to keep a conscience; therefore
+he had not entirely given it up for a bad job. He kept a pony--he was
+almost forced to do so--but he kept his pony very scantily and worked
+it hardly, and the beast was at best but a queer kind of animal. It
+would have been a riddle to Buffon, and a treasure to Sir Joseph Banks.
+Nick's conscience was kept about as scurvily as his pony, and was much
+such another nondescript; but, like his pony, it answered his purpose
+as well as a better; it was kicked, cuffed, and buffeted about, but
+still it was a conscience.
+
+Now this conscience, such as it was, smote poor Muggins right heartily
+when he delivered into the fair hands of Penelope Primrose a letter for
+her father. The poor lad recollected that he had, at Lord Spoonbill's
+expense, drunk several more quarts of strong beer and glasses of gin
+than would otherwise have fallen to his lot, and that he had obtained
+these extra luxuries by putting into the hands of his lordship those
+letters which he ought to have delivered to Penelope Primrose.
+
+When Penelope left Smatterton, and was residing in London, Nick thought
+little or nothing concerning his treachery. But now she had returned
+to the country again, and he had seen her, and she had spoken to him
+kindly and civilly, and had condescended to make enquiries after his
+poor old mother, his heart melted within him, and he could hardly speak
+to her. It was very kind of her to come out and speak to him, there was
+not one young lady in a hundred who would have condescended so much.
+Poor Muggins could not think what had bewitched him to play the traitor
+to so beautiful, so elegant, and so sweet-tempered a young lady as Miss
+Primrose; for Nick had a notion of elegance and beauty, though, to look
+at himself and his pony, one would hardly have imagined it.
+
+That was a curious refinement in Nick's conscience, that he should
+reproach himself so much the more bitterly for his transgression,
+because the person whom he had injured was beautiful and
+sweet-tempered. Perhaps he would have thought less of the matter had
+Miss Primrose been a little, under-sized, snub-nosed, cross-grained
+old maid. But that is a very dangerous and wicked mode of reasoning,
+and wiser people than Nick Muggins are guilty of it; let such persons
+be told that under-sized, snub-nosed, cross-grained old maids have as
+much feeling as the rest of the world, and are as much entitled to the
+advantages and protection of the laws of humanity as the young, and the
+lovely, and the amiable.
+
+Be this as it may, still the ungainly post-boy felt rather awkwardly
+and looked foolishly when he thus encountered the unexpected appearance
+and condescension of Penelope Primrose. And when he returned home
+to his mother's cottage, he could not help acknowledging to her his
+transgressions, and speaking of the remorse that he felt.
+
+The old woman however thought and said, that what was done could not be
+undone, and that he had better be more cautious another time, and that
+mayhap it might not be a matter of much consequence; just a love affair
+like, or some sich stuff; and she concluded by telling him never to
+take money out of letters for fear of being hanged.
+
+"But I am so sorry, mother," said Nick, "you can't think what
+a nice, kind young lady Miss Primrose is."
+
+"Ay, ay," said Mrs Muggins, in reply, "and so is my Lord Spoonbill a
+very nice young gentleman. Never mind now, only don't do so again. And
+what's the use of your telling Miss Primrose anything about it?"
+
+"Oh why, because somehow I think it was such a pity like. She is so
+pretty."
+
+"Nonsense, boy; Lord Spoonbill is a person of much greater consequence
+than a dozen pretty Miss Primroses. I am sure he is as nice a man as
+ever lived."
+
+Nick muttered something about Lord Spoonbill's large whiskers, and the
+colloquy ceased; but Nick was fidgetty still.
+
+The Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill suffered much uneasiness, and would,
+had he known what was passing in the mind of Nick Muggins, have
+suffered much more. But our business is now with the good people at
+Smatterton and Neverden, and we must therefore leave his lordship to
+bear his troubles by himself as well as he can.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+
+On the Sunday after their arrival, Mr Primrose and his daughter made
+their appearance at church, and the people of the village stared at
+them of course. The rector of Smatterton preached one of his best
+sermons, and in his best style. The eloquence was lost upon all his
+audience, except Mr Primrose and his daughter; they attended to the
+preacher, and the rest of the congregation attended to them.
+
+When the service was over, Penelope took her father to look at the
+monument which had been raised in the churchyard to the memory of Dr
+Greendale. It was a very handsome monument, and had been put up at the
+expense of the Earl of Smatterton. There was a very long and elaborate
+eulogium on the deceased, which had been drawn up, it is supposed,
+by Mr Darnley, but subsequently corrected and altered by the Earl of
+Smatterton in the first instance, and in the next by the stone-mason.
+
+Mr Primrose had been so long out of England that, for aught he knew to
+the contrary, it might be the fashion now to write nonsense on grave
+stones. There was however a kind intention, and Mr Primrose was pleased
+with it. While the father and daughter were thus mournfully enjoying
+the contemplation of this memorial of their deceased relative's
+virtues, the great boys and girls of the village who had been in the
+habit of bowing and curtseying to Penelope, and who remembered that
+their homage had been graciously received while she lived there under
+her uncle's roof, now thronged almost rudely round them, as if with a
+view of attracting the lady's notice.
+
+For a little while Penelope was too much taken up to notice them;
+but when her curiosity had been gratified, and her feelings had been
+indulged by a few gentle and stainless tears shed to the memory of her
+departed benefactor, she turned round and took particular notice of
+such as she remembered. She asked them such questions as occurred to
+her concerning their respective families and occupations, and she heard
+many an old story repeated concerning the aged and infirm. Enquiries
+were made by Penelope after grandfathers and grandmothers, and in one
+or two instances of great grandmothers. These enquiries were copiously
+or sheepishly answered, according to the several tastes and habits of
+the persons answering them.
+
+There was one little girl in the group whose face Penelope did not
+recollect. The child looked very earnestly at her, and seemed several
+times as if about to make an effort to speak, but awe held her back.
+With her, and as if urging her on to speak, was another and greater
+girl. And the greater girl moved the little one towards Miss Primrose,
+and the poor little girl coloured up to the eyes; but she had gone too
+far to retract, and she was emboldened at last by Penelope's kind looks
+to make a very pretty curtsey and say, "Please Miss--"
+
+The poor thing could get no farther, till Penelope relieved her
+embarrassment by taking hold of her hand and saying, "Well, my dear,
+what have you to say to me? I have no recollection that I have ever
+seen you before. How long have you lived at Smatterton?"
+
+Then the little one was emboldened to speak, and she told Penelope that
+she had but recently come there, and that she had taken the liberty to
+speak, because she had some few weeks ago picked up a letter directed
+to Miss Primrose.
+
+Hereupon the girl drew from her pocket a handkerchief which was
+carefully folded up, and when with great ceremony the handkerchief was
+unfolded, a letter made its appearance, which did not seem to have
+required much careful enveloping to keep it clean. It was miserably
+dirty, and the direction was barely visible. Penelope wondered indeed
+that the child had been able to make out the inscription, so far as
+to ascertain to whom it was addressed; but the hand-writing was so
+manifestly Robert Darnley's, that the young lady felt too much emotion
+and too eager a curiosity to wait to ask any farther particulars of the
+mode, place and time in which the letter was found. Only waiting to ask
+the child her name and place of abode, and to make such acknowledgment
+as is expected in such cases, Penelope hastened home full of contending
+and harassing thoughts, unable to form the slightest conjecture of a
+satisfactory nature concerning this strange occurrence.
+
+Now this letter, together with that which Robert Darnley had written
+to Mr Primrose, and which Mr Primrose gave to his daughter for her
+perusal, set the question completely at rest in the mind of Penelope,
+and assured her that the young gentleman had not by any neglect
+designed to break off the correspondence.
+
+But when one difficulty was removed, another started up in its place.
+There was something very remarkable in a letter being dropped out of
+the bag; but though it was barely possible that such mishap might have
+befallen one letter, it was by no means a supposable case that several
+letters in succession passing between the same persons should all have
+met with the same accident. In the interruption of these letters there
+was clearly design and intention; but what was the design, or who was
+the designer, Penelope could not conjecture. Her suspicions could not
+find an object to rest upon; she was not aware of having any enemies,
+and of course she could not imagine that any one but an enemy could
+have behaved so cruelly. She concluded, therefore, as far as in such
+a case any conclusion could be made, that the interruption of the
+correspondence must have been effected by some enemy of Robert Darnley.
+
+It was not very pleasant to have the idea of some concealed and
+unascertained enemy, but there was something gratifying to Penelope in
+having discovered that verily the cessation of the correspondence had
+not been voluntary on the part of her lover. Therefore, as it appeared
+from the letter which had been picked up that the young gentleman had
+not ceased to write, even after he had some ground to fear that the
+correspondence was discontinued by the young lady, and as it was also
+manifest from the letter addressed to Mr Primrose, that Robert Darnley
+was still desirous of an explanation of the young lady's silence,
+Penelope could not any longer resist her father's proposal that he
+should write to the young gentleman.
+
+The answer was accordingly sent to Robert Darnley, and the explanation
+which he sought was amply and fully given. He was also as much puzzled
+as the young lady was at the circumstance of the letter being picked
+up, and his conjectures found no resting place. His immediate impulse
+was to make direct enquiry of the post-boy, and to extort from him, if
+possible, some account of the very remarkable fact of a correspondence
+actually suppressed by the failure of three letters in succession.
+
+But there was a more interesting matter yet to attend to, and that
+was the meeting with Penelope after a long absence and an interrupted
+correspondence. Robert Darnley knew his father's temperament, and felt
+a difficulty in mentioning the subject to him, but still he could not
+think of renewing the acquaintance with a view to marriage, without
+explicitly informing his father of the intention.
+
+Mr Primrose and his daughter had now been at Smatterton a few days, and
+as the two villages were so remarkably intimate with each other, it
+was impossible for anything to take place in the one without its being
+known in the other. The arrival of the parties had been made known,
+as we have seen, at the rectory of Neverden, and apprehensions were
+entertained by the daughters of Mr Darnley that their father would be
+grievously liberal of his wise exhortations to his yet enamoured son.
+And when two or three days had passed away, and not a word of public
+notice had been taken of the fact in the family of the rector, the
+young ladies began to please themselves with the hope that no notice
+would be taken of the matter, and they trusted that some circumstance
+or other might remove Penelope again, and finally, from Smatterton;
+or, as they thought it not unlikely, their brother might soon fix his
+affections elsewhere.
+
+It was very clear to the young ladies that Miss Glossop,
+notwithstanding her recent disappointment, was something of an admirer
+of their brother; and it was obvious that Sir George Aimwell was
+desirous of cultivating an acquaintance between the parties. The
+worthy baronet was unusually eloquent in praising Miss Glossop, and
+mightily ingenious in discovering innumerable, and to other eyes
+undiscernible, good qualities in his fair kinswoman. But though Sir
+George was a magistrate and a game preserver, he was no conjurer. He
+was not aware that there could exist any diversities of taste; but he
+seemed to imagine that those qualities which were agreeable to himself
+must be agreeable to everybody else; and when he was descanting on the
+multitudinous excellences of Miss Glossop, and describing her to Robert
+Darnley as possessing every possible and impossible virtue, he did not
+see that the young man's mind was of a complexion widely different from
+his own. It was not therefore to this young lady that the daughters of
+the rector of Neverden looked forward as the person likely to liberate
+them from Miss Primrose.
+
+Their hope was altogether of an undefined nature. They merely hoped and
+trusted that something would occur to relieve them from their present
+uncomfortable condition. This undefined hope is, perhaps, after all the
+best that we can entertain. It may appear not very rational, but we
+have a notion that in serious truth it is a great deal more rational
+than that hope which seems to have a foundation in something probable:
+for it is in the very nature and condition of earthly events, that
+they almost invariably disappoint expectation and miserably mock our
+sagacity. If therefore our hopes be of something definite, they will
+be almost assuredly disappointed; but if we only hope generally and
+indefinitely that something, we know not what, may occur to remove the
+cause of our troubles, we may have a much better chance that we shall
+not be disappointed. The chances in our favor are thus indefinitely
+multiplied.
+
+The hope of the young ladies, that nothing would be said about Miss
+Primrose because nothing had been said about her for several days,
+was disappointed on the very morning that Mr Primrose sent his answer
+to Robert Darnley, explaining the cause of the suspension of the
+correspondence. The note from Mr Primrose was brought to Neverden by
+the trusty servant and universal genius who performed at Smatterton
+rectory the various duties of footman, groom, gardener, butler,
+stable-boy, and porter.
+
+Mr Darnley, whose eyes were ever vigilant, no sooner saw the messenger
+than he conjectured what was the object of his coming; that is, he so
+far conjectured as to form an idea that the note was with reference
+to Miss Primrose. When therefore the reverend gentleman heard that a
+note was actually brought from Smatterton rectory, and addressed to Mr
+Robert Darnley, the feeling of curiosity was strongly excited to know
+what was the object of the said note. But, to say nothing of curiosity,
+the elder Mr Darnley felt that it was his duty to be acquainted with
+all correspondence carried on with persons under his roof, especially
+with members of his own family.
+
+Impelled then by a double motive--the power of curiosity and a sense of
+duty--the rector of Neverden very peremptorily commanded the attendance
+of his son in the study. The command was as promptly obeyed as it had
+been authoritatively given.
+
+"You have had a note from Smatterton this morning?" said the father.
+
+"I have, sir," replied the son steadily, but respectfully.
+
+"And may I be permitted to know the contents of that communication?"
+
+"Most assuredly, sir," replied the young gentleman: "I intended to
+acquaint you with its contents as soon as I had read it."
+
+Robert Darnley then handed the paper to his father, who perused it
+with eager haste and anxious excitement. Rapidly however as the rector
+read the communication, he discerned two facts which made him angry,
+and, as he said, astonished. We have observed that the astonishment
+rests upon the testimony only of Mr Darnley's own saying; and we
+have made that observation, because we think that Mr Darnley was not
+strictly correct in his assertion: we do not believe that Mr Darnley
+was at all astonished at those facts. He was no doubt angry when
+he discovered that his son had written to Mr Primrose; and there is
+nothing incredible in the idea that he was angry at the anticipation of
+a renewal of the acquaintance between his son and Miss Primrose. But he
+was not astonished at these things, and he ought not to have said that
+he was. It is however a very common practice, for the sake of giving
+pathos and effect to moral exhortation or expostulation, to express an
+astonishment which is not felt. This is a species of lying, and Mrs
+Opie would certainly set it down as such.
+
+Mr Darnley not only said that he was astonished, but absolutely
+affected to look astonished. But that dramatic species of visual
+rebuke was by no means adapted to produce an impression on Mr Darnley
+the younger; and had the trick been played off by any one else than a
+parent, the young gentleman would certainly have laughed. It has been
+often observed, that children are much more knowing than is generally
+supposed, and the same observation may be applied to children of a
+larger growth. But parents cannot well help considering their children
+as always children.
+
+"And so," said the rector of Neverden, "you have actually had the
+folly to write to Mr Primrose, and to endeavour to renew an acquaintance
+which was clearly and positively broken off by Miss Primrose herself?"
+
+"I think, sir," responded with much gentleness the rector's son,
+"that, if you read this note attentively, you will see that Miss
+Primrose did not positively break the acquaintance, but that by some
+means, as yet unknown, the letters which should have passed between us
+were intercepted. Proof of that is given in the singular circumstance,
+that the last letter which I wrote to Smatterton from India was the
+other day picked up by a child."
+
+Mr Darnley smiled a smile of incredulity and compassionate
+condescension.
+
+"Foolish boy," said he, "and can you suffer yourself to be so easily
+deceived as to believe this story?"
+
+"Surely you will not go so far as to say that Miss Primrose would
+descend to the meanness of asserting an untruth."
+
+"I am asserting nothing concerning Miss Primrose. This note is not
+her's, it is her father's; and I do know that Mr Primrose can use
+profane language; I have heard him. And would such a man hesitate at
+untruth for the sake of an establishment for his daughter? Besides what
+can be more clear than that, now the negotiation with Lord Spoonbill is
+broken off, they are very willing to apply to you again."
+
+There is great power in imagination. Mr Darnley had taken it into
+his head that Penelope had really been simple enough to admire Lord
+Spoonbill, and vain enough to aspire to title on the strength of
+personal beauty. She was what is commonly called a fine young woman,
+and there was in her deportment, especially in the season of health and
+spirits, while her uncle lived, a certain constitutional magnificence
+of manner which might easily bear the name of pride and haughtiness.
+Now as Mr Darnley was himself a proud man, he did not like pride;
+and there is nothing at all paradoxical or inconsistent in this. It
+is perfectly natural that those who feel a pleasure in looking down
+on others and being looked up to, should not be pleased with such as
+indulge them not in their favourite occupation.
+
+There had not indeed ever been in the behaviour of Penelope towards
+Mr Darnley anything actually disrespectful; but Mr Darnley could see
+that her spirit was high and essentially unsubmissive. He had therefore
+always called her proud; and as soon as any suspicion arose of the
+withdrawing of her affections from Robert Darnley, immediately the
+father concluded that this change was owing to the young lady's pride
+aspiring to the hand of Lord Spoonbill; and when she went to London
+to the Countess, then his suspicion seemed corroborated; and when
+she returned to Smatterton, and when Mr Primrose sent the note in
+question to Neverden, then did Mr Darnley feel himself assured that the
+young lady had been disappointed in her calculations concerning Lord
+Spoonbill, and that now she repented her folly in renouncing the hand
+of Robert Darnley, and wished to recall the affection which she had
+spurned.
+
+Under such persuasion, from which not all the logic in the world could
+move him, he smiled at the credulity and the weakness of the young man,
+while the young man was equally astonished and grieved at the immovable
+obstinacy of his father. Such cases sometimes occur, and perplexing are
+they when they do occur, in which a son bearing all possible respect
+towards a father feels himself yet justified in the court of his own
+conscience in acting contrary to his father's will. Thus situated was
+the son of the rector of Neverden. He found that it would be in vain
+to use any arguments, and he was firm in his intention of taking the
+earliest opportunity of acknowledging the receipt of Mr Primrose's
+letter, and of expressing his full determination to renew the
+acquaintance with Penelope. So far was the young man from participating
+in his father's suspicions, that the very arguments which the father
+had used, and the particulars which he had stated, did but strengthen
+his own opinion of the purity and correctness of the young lady's
+conduct; and when he considered the circumstances under which she had
+been placed, he felt a degree of pity for her, and he pitied her also
+that she laboured under those untoward and unfounded suspicions which
+had been excited by the idle tongue of Zephaniah Pringle.
+
+It became in fact to Robert Darnley a matter of conscience to rectify
+all misunderstandings as early as possible. Without therefore affecting
+to enter into any elaborate discussion with his father, he merely
+replied to what had been said: "I cannot say that I view this affair
+in the same light that you do, sir; and I am satisfied that if you had
+a knowledge of all the facts, you would not have reason to blame Miss
+Primrose. I will not pretend to argue with you, or to presume to put
+my knowledge of the world in competition with yours. But I must take
+the liberty to say firmly, though respectfully, that it is my intention
+to see Mr and Miss Primrose, and if I find that Penelope is still the
+same amiable and pure-minded young woman as she was when I first made
+her an offer of my hand, I will repeat that offer; and I am convinced
+your prejudice will wear off, if not by my arguments, at least they
+will give way to the young lady's real excellence of character."
+
+Mr Darnley was not accustomed to be contradicted. Neither his wife
+nor his daughters ever disputed his will, or affected to oppose their
+logic to his determinations. Of his son's obedience and gentleness of
+disposition he had always entertained the highest opinion, and with
+reason: but he forgot that everything has its limits, and there is a
+point beyond which compliance and obedience cannot go. If Mr Darnley
+had said at the close of his son's last speech, "I am astonished,"
+he would have spoken truly. He was indeed astonished, but he was
+not frightened out of his propriety; he was rather frightened into
+propriety.
+
+For a few seconds he was absolutely speechless and almost breathless.
+But soon respiration returned, and the power of speech returned
+with it; and his momentary gasp of astonishment gave him time for
+consideration. He considered in that brief interval that he had no more
+power over his son than his son chose to give him, and he thought it a
+pity to endanger his influence by attempting to retain his authority.
+Subduing himself, he replied:
+
+"If you will be obstinate there is no help for it. But I could wish
+that you would listen to reason."
+
+Thus speaking, Mr Darnley left the apartment, angry but endeavouring to
+keep himself calm.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+
+Mr Darnley's study overlooked the avenue which led to the house. For a
+study it was not well situated, inasmuch as it was next to impossible
+for any one but a person of great powers of abstraction to keep himself
+free from interruption. The situation however was very well adapted to
+the humour of the rector of Neverden; for thus he could observe every
+one who approached the house, and exercise a continual superintendance
+over his establishment, seeing that no one could enter or leave the
+house without his knowledge.
+
+At the study window Robert Darnley took his station, looking listlessly
+towards the road that passed the end of the avenue and led towards
+the village of Smatterton. Turning a little towards the left hand he
+could see at a very short distance the magnificent towers of Smatterton
+castle and the smart gilt weathercock of Smatterton church. The young
+man was beginning to grow sentimental and melancholy; but soon his
+thoughts were diverted from sentimentality by the appearance of Nick
+Muggins and his pony fumbling their clumsy entrance at the great white
+gate that opened into the road. Better riders than Nick are sometimes
+puzzled at opening a heavy swing gate on horseback; but Nick would
+always manage it without dismounting, if he had to make twenty efforts
+for it.
+
+Nick was certainly a picturesque, though by no means a poetical object;
+and his appearance dispersed the gathering cloud of lackadaisicalness
+which was just threatening Robert Darnley with a fit of melancholy.
+Other thoughts, though bearing on the same object, now took possession
+of him; and as he was very straitforward and prompt in whatever
+occurred to him, he immediately resolved to question the boy concerning
+the lost letters.
+
+For this purpose, without waiting for the arrival of the letter-carrier
+at the house-door, Robert Darnley went partly down the avenue to meet
+him. Nick made one of his best bows, and grinned his compliments
+to the young gentleman on his arrival in England; for this was the
+first meeting of the parties since the rector's son arrived at home.
+Robert Darnley was not a man of compliments; he proceeded directly to
+business. Producing from his pocket the letter which had been picked up
+by the little girl, he held it out to the lad, saying:
+
+"Muggins, can you give any account of this letter; it was picked up in
+the road the other day; do you ever drop the letters out of the bag?"
+
+Muggins, who was as cunning a rogue as many of his betters, concealed
+his conviction and shame as well as might be, and took the letter into
+his hand with much simplicity of look, and gazed upon it for a while
+with "lack-lustre eye;" not that he had any great need to examine the
+letter in order to answer the question, but thereby he gained time to
+meditate a lie of some kind or other. After looking at it for a few
+moments he handed it back to Robert Darnley, and said:
+
+"Please, sir, I can't make out the 'rection of it."
+
+That might be true, but it was not much of an answer to the question
+which was proposed to him.
+
+"The direction of the letter," answered Darnley, "is to Miss Primrose
+at Smatterton. Now do you remember ever losing a letter that should
+have been delivered at the rectory at Smatterton?"
+
+Nick Muggins, we have related, was so melted by the condescending
+kindness of Penelope Primrose, that his heart smote him sorely for
+his unfaithfulness to his trust, and he was on the very verge of a
+confession of his iniquity; but then Penelope was not likely to
+horsewhip him, whereas there did appear to the sagacious mind of the
+treacherous letter-carrier some possibility of such operation being
+performed by the more vigorous arm of Robert Darnley; and as such a
+catastrophe must be exceedingly unpleasant to a man of any feeling,
+Nick resolved to use his utmost sagacity to avoid it. The question
+therefore, which was last proposed, he answered thus:
+
+"I've took a great many letters to Smatterton parsonage, sir, and I
+don't never remember losen none as I took there."
+
+Here again was an equivocation worthy of the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill himself. Robert Darnley thought that Nick Muggins was a fool,
+but Nick was not such a fool as he looked. He had prodigiously fine
+diplomatic talents, but 'Full many a flower, &c.' as the poet says.
+
+All the questions and cross-questionings of the son of the rector of
+Neverden could not extort from the carrier of the Smatterton and
+Neverden letter-bags any information leading to the discovery of the
+circumstances to which the interruption of the correspondence might
+be attributed. In despair of ascertaining anything, Robert Darnley
+ceased his interrogations, and the uncouth rider of the indescribable
+beast then handed to his interrogator his share of the contents of the
+letter-bag. It was only one letter, and the superscription was in an
+unknown hand.
+
+The young gentleman opened the letter with great eagerness of
+curiosity, and looking to the end of it he found that it was anonymous.
+He endeavoured to read and comprehend the whole by one glance, but it
+did not betray its meaning so obviously; he was therefore under the
+necessity of reading it regularly line by line. We are not much in the
+habit of printing letters--we think it a breach of confidence; but, as
+the present is anonymous, we venture to give it:
+
+"A sincere well-wisher to Mr Robert Darnley, though a total stranger,
+or nearly so, wishes to caution an unsuspicious and generous mind
+against a deep-laid plot, which has for its object to entrap Mr D.
+into a marriage, which will bring with it poverty and disgrace. It may
+not be altogether unknown to Mr D. that a certain gentleman, who shall
+be nameless, once ruined a handsome fortune by gaming. This gentleman
+now professes to have repaired his shattered fortunes, and to have
+forsaken entirely his vicious habit. But this is mere pretence. Nearly
+the whole of that which he acquired abroad, he has in a short time lost
+by gambling at home; and now he gives out that his loss arises from
+the stoppage of a banking-house in town. Concerning the character of
+a young lady nearly related to the gentleman above alluded to, Mr D.
+would do well to make the strictest inquiry before he ventures on the
+irretrievable step of marriage. Mr D. ought to ascertain why Smatterton
+is chosen for her residence. The ---- family is not residing at the
+castle, but it is possible that an individual of that family may find a
+pretence for an incognito visit there. A word to the wise is enough."
+
+A letter such as this was almost too much for Robert Darnley. He
+was honest, candid, and unsuspicious; but even in such minds as his
+jealousy may be excited, and the above letter very nearly answered the
+purpose.
+
+Instead of going directly to Smatterton, according to his first
+intention, he returned to the house, and read over and over again this
+mysterious and anonymous epistle. But there was nothing in it which
+could afford him the slightest information as to the source from whence
+it came, or the motive with which it could have been written.
+
+It was peculiarly mortifying, after the magnanimous, prompt, and
+decided avowal which he had made to his father, of his intention of
+renewing his acquaintance with Miss Primrose, that he should meet with
+this painful and perplexing interruption. He began to wish that he
+had not been quite so positive. He supposed that of course his father
+took it for granted that the threatened visit to Smatterton would
+be paid that very morning. And he had dreaded meeting the family at
+dinner, should the visit have been paid; but still greater would be his
+mortification to meet his father again and be forced to acknowledge
+that he had not been to Smatterton. It would be but natural to ask if
+he had been there, and quite as natural to ask why he had not.
+
+The answer to these enquiries would involve the young gentleman in a
+dilemma, to extricate himself from which would require the talents
+of a Muggins, or a Spoonbill. But Robert Darnley was not cut out for
+shuffling and equivocating. His only consideration was, how far it
+might be prudent to inform his father of the receipt of the anonymous
+letter.
+
+For the purpose of giving himself time for uninterrupted meditation, he
+sauntered out from the house, and, as it were unconsciously, turned
+his steps towards the village of Smatterton. And he thought, as he
+walked along, that it would take several days at least, if not some
+weeks, to ascertain the truth or falsehood of the insinuations. He knew
+not where to seek for information, or how to gain evidence either on
+one side or the other. If he should not very soon make a visit to Mr
+Primrose, it would seem manifest that his intention was not to renew
+the acquaintance with Penelope; and very mortifying indeed would it be
+to him, if, after making enquiries and finding that the insinuations
+of the anonymous letter were unfounded, malicious and mischievous, he
+should, by his tardiness or mean suspicions, have forfeited the good
+will of the young lady.
+
+Fortunate for him was it, that while he was thinking on the subject of
+this anonymous communication, and putting the case that it might be
+the work of some malicious and ill-designing one, there occurred also
+to his recollection the lost letter which had been picked up by a
+stranger. With the recollection of that came also again to his mind the
+image and tone and look of the crafty letter-carrier, and the shuffling
+evasive answers which the cunning dog had given to his interrogatories.
+
+Wise and penetrating reader, who can'st dive most deeply into human
+motives, and read the movements of the human heart, we beseech thee
+not to impute it to stupidity or obtuseness in our friend Robert
+Darnley, that he could not sooner see the probability of the existence
+in some quarter or other of a spirit of treachery at work against him.
+His own mind was of a very unsuspicious cast, and he was not in the
+habit of looking for deeply-laid schemes, but he gave general credit
+to appearances and ordinary assertions. He was not unaware of the
+existence of roguery, or of the circulation of unfounded reports, but
+he did not look very commonly and cunningly for tricks and falsehood
+in the everyday movements of human life. But when he once had ground
+for suspicion, he had sagacity enough to pursue the investigation, and
+prudence enough not to be deceived when once put on his guard.
+
+He thought again of the anonymous letter, and he knew that there was
+no individual residing in London sufficiently acquainted with him to
+have written this letter for his sake. He thought of the intercepted
+letters, and of the allusion to Lord Spoonbill, and he thought of none
+so likely to have intercepted those letters as Lord Spoonbill himself.
+An apprehension of something near the truth now came firmly and
+distinctly upon his mind.
+
+Under the impression of this thought, he moved somewhat more rapidly
+and decidedly towards Smatterton, almost resolving that he would
+actually call at once on Mr Primrose, and renew his acquaintance with
+Penelope. He thought that he possessed penetration enough to discover
+if there were in the young lady's deportment and carriage any symptoms
+of a diminished or impaired moral feeling.
+
+It would not be much out of his way to go through the park, and as
+there was a footpath passing very closely by the castle, he designed to
+take that route, that, if meeting any one of the domestics, he might
+be able to ascertain whether or not Lord Spoonbill was expected at
+Smatterton.
+
+Not many steps had he taken with this intention before he had the
+satisfaction of meeting the unfaithful Nick Muggins, shuffling back
+from having delivered up his charge. Nick saw the young gentleman, and
+would gladly have avoided the meeting; but there was no way of escape,
+except by going back again to Smatterton, and that was quite out of
+the question, for at the public-house of that village he had spent his
+last allowable minute. Finding that the encounter must take place,
+Nick whistled himself up to his highest pitch of moral fortitude, and
+put spurs to his beast. He might as well have struck his spurs against
+a brick wall. The rough-coated quadruped had been too long in the
+service of government to be put out of his usual pace by Nick's spurs,
+and these said spurs had been long enough in the service of Muggins to
+have lost their virtue.
+
+Nick's next resource was to give Mr Robert Darnley the cut indirect,
+and to ride on without seeing him. But that was no easy matter in a
+narrow unfrequented road. Before the rogue could resolve what to do,
+the parties were together, and Robert Darnley, advancing into the
+middle of the road, gave command to the lad to stop. Disobedience of
+course was not to be thought of; and though the consciousness of guilt
+and the suspicion of accusation made him tremble, yet the necessity of
+concealment rendered him very cautious of betraying any emotion.
+
+The appearance of Robert Darnley's countenance was at this interview
+very different from what it had been an hour or two ago. For, in the
+first instance, he had been merely making an unsuspicious enquiry, and
+his interrogations had been more for the purpose of gaining information
+than for fixing an accusation. Now, he felt as if he were examining a
+criminal, and he directed a stern enquiring look towards the uncouth
+varlet, who blinked like an owl in the sunshine and seemed to be
+looking about for something to look at; for he was ashamed to look at
+Robert Darnley, and afraid to fix his eyes elsewhere.
+
+"Muggins, have the goodness to dismount," said the young gentleman;
+"I wish to have a little talk with you."
+
+That was a movement by no means agreeable to Mr Muggins, who would
+thereby be brought into closer and more perilous contact with an ugly
+ill-looking elastic knotted cane, which was bending under the pressure
+of Mr Darnley's hand. Muggins therefore, in answer to this command,
+said with all the coolness he could muster:
+
+"Please, sir, I maan't stay long."
+
+"Nonsense," replied Darnley; "dismount, I tell you."
+
+Now Muggins thought that if he was destined to receive a caning for a
+violation of his trust, he need not add to his troubles by provoking
+Mr Darnley to administer an extra application to him for refusing to
+dismount. Down therefore came Nick, and at the word of command fastened
+his horse to a gate-post.
+
+"Now, Muggins," said Robert Darnley, "if you don't tell me the
+truth, I will cane you as long as I can stand."
+
+"Sir?" said Muggins, in a tone of well-feigned astonishment, and with
+the accent of interrogation.
+
+"Will you tell me the truth, sir?" repeated the interrogator.
+
+"What about, sir?" asked Muggins.
+
+That question does by no means redound to the credit of Muggins; for
+had he been a truly honest lad, he would have been ready to tell the
+truth on any subject.
+
+"What about!" echoed Darnley; "about those letters, to be sure, which
+you ought to have delivered at the rectory at Smatterton. Tell me what
+you did with them, this moment."
+
+A threatening aspect accompanied, and a threatening attitude followed
+this speech. Muggins gave himself up for lost. If he called out
+"murder," there was none to assist him; running away was an absolute
+impossibility; resistance would be vain; and shuffling would no
+longer answer the purpose. It is astonishing how powerfully present
+considerations overwhelm and command the mind. If Muggins could have
+mustered up sufficient energy of purpose to resist the threats of
+the son of the rector of Neverden, he might afterwards have laid his
+case before the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill, by whose interest he
+might have gained promotion, or by whose liberality he might have been
+handsomely rewarded. But all other thoughts and considerations were
+lost and absorbed in the elastic cane, which seemed vibrating with
+anxious eagerness for a close acquaintance with his shoulders.
+
+Cowering and trembling, the guilty one, whose craftiness would no
+longer avail him, dropped abjectly upon his knees and blubberingly
+implored for mercy, on consideration of revealing the whole truth.
+Darnley, who thought more of the happiness of renewing his acquaintance
+with Penelope than of the pleasure of caning a graceless varlet,
+readily promised mercy upon confession. And so great was Nick's
+gratitude for the mercy promised, that he told the whole truth, and
+gave up the character of Lord Spoonbill to contempt.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+
+When the interview recorded in the last chapter had concluded, both
+parties were pleased; but the pleasure of the one was far more durable
+than that of the other. Nick Muggins enjoyed but a negative delight in
+having escaped an imminent and threatening peril. But afterwards he
+began to reflect; for he could think, seeing that he had nothing else
+to do.
+
+It is worth notice, that many apparently stupid, ignorant and obtuse
+cubs, whose employment is monotonous and mechanical, possess a certain
+degree of shrewdness, and exhibit occasionally symptoms of reflection
+and observation to which more cultivated and educated minds are
+strangers. Curious it is also to see the gaping wonderment with which
+those, whose wisdom is from books, regard those who happen to have any
+power or capacity of thought without the assistance of books. Gentle
+reader, when you are next requested to write some wise sentence in a
+lady's album, write the following: "books are more indebted to wisdom,
+than wisdom is to books."
+
+Nick, we have said, began to think; and the farther he was removed from
+Robert Darnley's cane with the less delight did he contemplate his
+escape. It came also into his mind that, although this young gentleman
+had withheld the threatened infliction, yet there were other troubles
+awaiting him, and other dangers threatening him. Drowning mariners, it
+has been said, seldom calculate upon the consequence of their vows. Nor
+did Muggins calculate upon the probable consequences of the confession
+which he had made to escape an impending castigation.
+
+He had escaped the cane of Robert Darnley, but he had thereby exposed
+himself to the danger of a similar visitation from the hand of Lord
+Spoonbill. There was also some probability, and no slight one, that he
+might in addition to other calamities suffer the loss of his place.
+People in office do not like to lose their places, for it makes them
+very ill-humoured and provokes them to all manner of absurdities. Nick
+also thought that if his place should be taken from him in consequence
+of this his unfaithfulness, Lord Spoonbill would be also exposed, and
+Lord Spoonbill being exposed would be mightily angry with Nick, and,
+being angry with him, would not make him any remuneration for his loss.
+Moreover Nick thought that Lord Spoonbill would call him a fool for
+having divulged the secret, and Nick did not like to be called a fool.
+Who does? So, in order to avoid being called a fool, Nick meditated
+playing the rogue.
+
+We by no means approve of this conduct, and we record it not as an
+example, but as a caution; and we would seriously recommend all
+persons in public offices to be as honest as they possibly can; or if
+this political morality appears too rigid and savours of puritanical
+strictness, we would advise them to be as honest as they conveniently
+can.
+
+The scheme of roguery which the letter-carrier devised, was destined
+to be effected by means of epistolary correspondence with the Right
+Honorable Lord Spoonbill; but fortunately for the rogue, as even
+rogues are sometimes fortunate, the trouble of writing was saved him
+by the personal appearance of Lord Spoonbill himself at the town of
+M----, where Nick Muggins dwelt, and from which he carried the letters
+to Smatterton and Neverden. It was a great pleasure to Muggins to be
+saved the trouble of writing, for that operation was attended with much
+labour and difficulty to him, seeing that he had many doubts as to the
+shapes of letters and the meaning of words.
+
+Muggins had not been at home many minutes before Lord Spoonbill
+presented himself to the astonished eyes of the unfaithful
+letter-carrier. His lordship was wonderfully condescending to honor so
+humble a roof by his presence; but it was not the first time that he
+had paid a visit to Mr Muggins in his own house. The object, or more
+properly speaking the nature of the object, of his visit was guessed
+at, and the spirit of Nick's knavery was kindled within him, and he was
+prepared to say or do aught that his lordship might dictate or propose,
+for the purpose of furthering the hereditary legislator's right
+honorable pursuit.
+
+Nick's residence is not indeed a matter of much importance to the
+world, nor does its locality or aspect bear powerfully on the
+development of our catastrophe, or greatly assist the progress of our
+narrative. But we describe it, because we may thereby give our readers
+a more complete and impressive idea of the great condescension of Lord
+Spoonbill in visiting so obscure an abode.
+
+The town of M---- was situated on the banks of a river. The streets
+were long and narrow, and the houses high and dingy. The ground on
+which the town was built was uneven, and the materials with which it
+was paved were execrable. This is spoken of the best parts of the town,
+of those streets which stood on the higher ground. The inferior part
+was not paved at all, and was approachable only by an almost abrupt
+descent through a lane or narrow street, in which the houses nearly met
+at the top. The ground on which a passenger must walk was of a nature
+so miscellaneous as almost to defy description, and quite to puzzle
+analysis. Black mud, as everlasting as the perennial snows which rest
+on the summits of inaccessible mountains, decayed vegetables of every
+season of the year, refuse fish, unpicked bones of every conceivable
+variety of animals, deceased cats and dogs and rats in every possible
+degree of decomposition, broken bricks and tiles, and shreds of earthen
+vessels of all variety of domestic application, sticks, stones, old
+shoes, tin kettles and superannuated old saucepans, formed the dead
+stock of the street. And the live stock was by no means calculated to
+give to the spectator a high idea of the dignity of human nature. The
+fair sex in these regions appeared by no means to any great advantage;
+nature had done little for them and art less. In their voices there
+was less melody than loudness, and in their language more energy than
+elegance. They expressed their feelings without circumlocution, and
+resented indignities with hand as well as tongue. In the air which they
+breathed there might be enough to discompose and irritate, for the
+decomposition of sprats is by no means fragrant; and when an atmosphere
+is constantly burdened with the effluvia of soap, tallow, and train
+oil, it is not calculated to soothe the irritated nerves.
+
+To pass through such a region as this could not have been mightily
+agreeable to the refined senses of Lord Spoonbill. But not only did he
+pass through it, but he sought out in one of its meanest habitations
+the carrier of the Smatterton and Neverden letter-bags. All this
+however he did patiently undergo for love of Penelope Primrose.
+
+"Muggins," said his lordship, "have you left a letter at Neverden
+within this day or two for Mr Darnley?"
+
+"Yes, my lord," replied the carrier.
+
+"And did you see Mr Darnley when you delivered the letter?"
+
+"Oh, yes, my lord, I see Mr Robert himself. And please, my lord, I am
+almost afraid that you and I will be found out."
+
+"Found out, you rascal! what do you mean?"
+
+"Why, I means, my lord, please your lordship, that one of them letters
+as I give your lordship is been picked up, and Mr Robert Darnley showed
+it to me and axed whether I knowed nothing about it. And he said he'd
+kill me if I did not tell him, and so I told him that I didn't know
+nothing where it come from. And so, my lord, I'm quite afeard to go
+again to Neverden, only I don't know what to do just to get a bit of
+bread."
+
+At this information the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill was perplexed.
+
+"Why, Muggins, if that is the case," said his lordship, "you had
+better get away."
+
+"Yes, my lord, but what will become of me if I give up my place?"
+
+"Oh, leave that to me!" said his lordship, "and I will take care you
+shall be no loser."
+
+This was the point to which the crafty one wished to bring his right
+honorable friend. Suffice it then to say that Lord Spoonbill, fancying
+that he should place discovery out of the reach of probability, made
+the rogue a very handsome present, and gave him letters whereby he
+might find employment in London, which would more than compensate for
+the loss of his place in the country.
+
+Then did Lord Spoonbill under cover of night's darkness find his way
+to Smatterton castle, pleasing himself with the thought that his
+well-formed scheme was now likely to take effect, and that Mr Robert
+Darnley, after the warning of the anonymous letter, would not be very
+hasty to renew his acquaintance with Miss Primrose. It was of course
+supposed by our readers, and intended to be so supposed, that the
+anonymous letter above alluded to was sent, if not by Lord Spoonbill
+himself, at least by his instigation, and for the purpose of forwarding
+his designs. And, that the merit of the communication may not be
+ascribed to a wrong personage, it is right to inform the world that the
+writer of the same letter was Colonel Crop. By this gallant officer
+Lord Spoonbill was now accompanied to Smatterton castle.
+
+Colonel Crop was an excellent travelling companion, for he never
+disturbed the train of his fellow-traveller's thoughts by any
+impertinent prating. The dexterous economy which the colonel exercised
+over his words and actions was quite surprising. He could make a little
+go a great way. If for instance any friend, and many such there were,
+invited the gallant colonel to dinner, it would seem that thereby an
+occupation were afforded him for an hour or two previously for the
+purpose of dressing. But the ingenious time-consumer managed to make
+a whole morning's work of it. Equally economical was he of words. For
+if his Right Honorable friend Lord Spoonbill should talk to him for a
+whole hour together, the colonel would think it quite sufficient to
+reply to the long harangue by simply saying: "'Pon honor! you
+don't say so."
+
+With this lively companion did Lord Spoonbill journey towards
+Smatterton; and as his lordship wished to be left to his own thoughts,
+his friend was not unwilling to indulge him; and thus did the
+hereditary legislator enjoy the pleasure of silently congratulating
+himself on the dexterity with which he had managed this affair; and
+more especially was he delighted at the fortunate circumstance of
+having removed Nick Muggins far away from the danger of being tempted
+or terrified into confession of his unfaithfulness.
+
+It did not enter, nor was it likely to enter into the mind of Lord
+Spoonbill, that Nick Muggins had already impeached, and that Robert
+Darnley was in possession of all the facts of the case. There was
+something else also in the transactions of that day unknown to and
+unsuspected by his lordship. That other matter to which we here allude,
+was the visit which Robert Darnley had paid to Mr and Miss Primrose.
+
+At the close of the preceding chapter we related that Mr Darnley
+and the letter-carrier parted after their interview, and we have
+accompanied Nick back to his home, and have narrated what took place
+there. We may now therefore return to Robert Darnley, and accompany him
+also in his visit to Smatterton.
+
+After he had ascertained from Muggins the truth of the matter
+concerning the suppressed letter, he no longer heeded the anonymous
+communication which he had received; and instead of passing through the
+park as he had designed, he proceeded immediately to the rectory.
+
+He was most happy in the thought that now all doubts and perplexities
+were removed from his mind, and he was much better able and far more
+willing to believe that Penelope still remained pure, honorable, and
+affectionate, than to give credence to the foul calumnies which had
+been circulated concerning her. There are individuals in the world
+of whom it is, ordinarily speaking, almost impossible to think ill.
+Such was the character of Penelope Primrose to those well acquainted
+with her. But the elder Mr Darnley being a mightily pompous and grand
+sort of man, looked at almost every one from an awful distance.
+Discrimination of character was by no means his forte. He thought that
+the whole mass of mankind was divisible into two classes, the good
+and the bad. He considered that the good must do as he did, and think
+as he thought; and that the bad were those that opposed him. It was
+his notion that it required only a simple volition for the good to
+become bad and for the bad to become good. And when he heard that Miss
+Primrose had transgressed, he forthwith believed the tale and renounced
+her.
+
+But to say nothing of the affection which the younger Darnley
+entertained for the lady, and the pleasing hopes with which for so
+long a period he had been accustomed to think of her, he could not
+think it possible for a mind like hers ever to descend to the meanness
+with which she had been charged. He did think it possible that,
+in consequence of a supposed neglect on his part, and by means of
+ingenious assiduities on the part of another, that her regards might
+be transferred from him; but even that he would not believe without
+positive evidence. Many a faithful heart had been broken, and many an
+honest man has been hanged, by circumstantial evidence.
+
+The meeting of the lovers was silent. They might have been previously
+studying speeches; but these were forgotten on both sides. And in
+their silence their looks explained to each other how much they had
+respectively suffered from the villany of him who had interrupted their
+correspondence. After a long and silent embrace, and gazing again and
+again at those features which he had so loved to think of at a mighty
+distance, Darnley at length was able to speak, and he said: "And you
+have not forgotten me!" How cold these words do look on paper. But from
+the living lips which spoke them, and from the energetic tenderness
+with which they were uttered, and from the thought of that mental
+suffering and that withering of heart which had been occasioned by
+the fear of forgetfulness, and above all from the circumstance that
+these were the first words which Penelope had heard from those lips
+for so long, so very long a period, they came to her ear and heart
+with a thrilling power, and awakened her from her silent trance to the
+expression of that feeling which had almost subdued her.
+
+"Forget!" she was attempting to echo her lover's words, but
+emotion was too strong for the utterance of words, and she finished her
+answer by falling on his neck and weeping audibly.
+
+Might it not have done Lord Spoonbill good to have witnessed this
+scene? Surely it might have taught him how little prospect there was of
+the success of his designs; and he might, had he possessed the ordinary
+feelings of humanity, have thought that the coronet must be brilliant
+indeed which could tempt Penelope to renounce her lover.
+
+But Lord Spoonbill saw it not, and suspected it not; if he had, it
+certainly would have saved him a great deal of trouble.
+
+The lovers, when they did recover themselves sufficiently to speak
+composedly and collectedly, had volumes of talk for each other, and
+Darnley was interested and moved by the narrative of Penelope's
+excursion to London, and the narrow escape which she had from a
+profession so ill adapted to the character and complexion of her mind.
+But in all the conversation Darnley did not mention to Penelope the
+anonymous letter which he had that morning received, nor did he say
+a word concerning the confession of the letter-carrier. As to the
+anonymous letter, he would not insult her even by alluding to the
+existence of evil reports; and as to the suppressed letters, he feared
+lest the impetuosity of the young lady's father might be productive of
+mischief. He thought it at all events most desirable, at least so long
+as they might remain in the neighbourhood of Smatterton castle, to let
+Penelope suppose that the loss of the letters was accidental.
+
+There may be some persons who think that under present circumstances it
+was the duty of Robert Darnley to send Lord Spoonbill a challenge, or
+to bestow upon his lordship that chastisement with which Nick Muggins
+had been threatened. That Lord Spoonbill deserved a bodily castigation,
+we will readily concede; but as to duelling, we conceive it to be a
+very silly and useless practice, and we are not sorry that we are
+not compelled to relate of the younger Darnley that his inclination
+prompted him to adopt that very equivocal mode of demonstrating himself
+to be a gentleman, or man of courage.
+
+Very pleasantly passed the two or three hours which Robert Darnley
+allowed himself to spend at Smatterton parsonage; very awkwardly passed
+the dinner hour on his return to Neverden parsonage; for the Rev. Mr
+Darnley would not speak to his son, and poor Mrs Darnley and the young
+ladies were afraid to speak when the rector was silent.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+
+At a late hour in the evening Lord Spoonbill, accompanied by his worthy
+friend Colonel Crop, arrived at Smatterton castle. The domestics were
+instructed not to make the arrival public, for his lordship was not
+desirous of being interrupted by any invasions of callers. His object
+professed to be the making some arrangements, and laying down some
+plans for alterations and improvements.
+
+Colonel Crop was an excellent counsellor. He was one of those admirable
+advisers, whose suggestions are always taken, and whose advice is
+always welcome, for he never gave any advice except that which was
+dictated to him by the person whose counsellor he was. He would have
+made an excellent prime minister for any sovereign who might not like
+to be contradicted. His reverence for lords was very great, and far
+greater of course would have been his reverence for kings. He would no
+more think of reasoning with or contradicting a lord, than a common
+soldier would think of refusing to march or halt at the word of his
+commander.
+
+Now when this worthy couple had finished a late dinner, and Colonel
+Crop had assented to and echoed all that Lord Spoonbill had been
+pleased to affirm as touching the excellence or the reverse of the
+various meats and drinks composing their dinner, the hereditary
+legislator began the work of consultation.
+
+"Well, Crop, it is a good thing that I have sent that rascally
+letter-carrier away."
+
+"Very," replied the colonel.
+
+"It would have been quite shocking if he had been terrified or bribed
+out of his secret."
+
+"Quite," replied the colonel.
+
+"Now I have been thinking," continued his lordship, "that you may
+be of great service to me in this affair."
+
+"You may command me," replied the colonel.
+
+That was true enough, and so might any one who would feed him. Young
+men of weak minds and vicious habits are very much to be pitied when
+they have such friends and companions as Colonel Crop.
+
+"You know Miss Primrose by sight, colonel?" said his lordship.
+
+"Can't say I do," replied the colonel; "I have seen her once, but I
+took very little notice."
+
+"I must introduce you then. Now you remember the trouble I had with the
+old ones about this affair, and you know that I was fool enough, as I
+told you, to go so far as actually to make Miss Primrose an offer of
+marriage."
+
+The colonel gave his assent to this proposition also; for he seemed
+to think it an act of rudeness to contradict a lord, even when he
+called himself a fool. And so perhaps it really is; for a lord ought
+to know whether he is a fool or not, and he would not say it if he did
+not believe it; and there is also a degree of wisdom in the discovery
+that one has been a fool, for thereby it is intimated that the season
+of folly is over. Whosoever therefore actually says that he was a fool
+formerly, virtually says that he is not a fool now. So no doubt did
+the colonel interpret the assertion of Lord Spoonbill, and with this
+interpretation he said, "Exactly so."
+
+"But I think now," proceeded his lordship, "I may have the young lady
+on my own terms. But the difficulty is how to manage the business
+without alarming her, and perhaps bringing down some deadly vengeance
+from that father of her's, for he is as fierce as a tiger."
+
+That which is a difficulty to an hereditary legislator and heir to
+a title and large estate, must of course be a difficulty also to a
+half-pay colonel, who loves to depend upon occasional dinners, and,
+like a hospital, to be supported by voluntary contributions. Therefore
+the colonel said:
+
+"Ay, that is the difficulty."
+
+"If by any means we could contrive to get the father out of the way,
+we might perhaps get rid of some obstacle. Crop, can you hit upon any
+scheme to separate them?"
+
+"Can't, 'pon honor," replied the colonel, who probably thought that
+it was not becoming in him to be more ingenious than his feeder. The
+colonel indeed was willing to do whatever he might be bid, to say
+whatever might be put into his mouth, to write whatever might be
+dictated to him, and to go wherever he might be sent. But he was by no
+means a self-acting machine. He would do anything for any body, but he
+required to be told explicitly what to do.
+
+After a pause of some minutes, Lord Spoonbill observed; "Perhaps some
+use might be made of the stoppage of Mr Primrose's banker. I forget
+the name; have you any recollection of it?"
+
+"Can't say I have, 'pon honor;" replied the colonel.
+
+To proceed much farther in narrating this lively dialogue which took
+place between the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill and Colonel Crop, as
+to the most likely means of forwarding the designs which his lordship
+meditated against Miss Primrose, would contribute more to the reader's
+weariness than to his amusement or edification. It will be enough
+in the present state of affairs to say, that this notable colloquy
+terminated in the determination on the part of his lordship to take no
+immediate steps in the affair till he had ascertained what effect the
+anonymous letter had produced upon Robert Darnley. For this purpose,
+Colonel Crop might render himself useful. Instructions were therefore
+given him accordingly, and he was ordered to ride over to Neverden
+Hall, where he might be most likely to gain some information.
+
+Early therefore, on the following morning, the gallant colonel found
+his way to the mansion of the worthy baronet and able magistrate, Sir
+George Aimwell. The unpaid one was mightily well pleased at the visit,
+and he shook the hand of the half-paid one till his fingers ached.
+
+"Well, Colonel, I am glad to see you. So you are tired of the gaieties
+of London already, and you are coming to relieve our dullness in the
+country. How are our noble neighbours?"
+
+"Quite well, I thank you," replied the colonel, who felt himself one
+of great importance in being able to speak so readily and assuredly
+concerning nobility.
+
+And here we will take the opportunity, and a very fit one it is, of
+observing on a very curious fact, namely, that the reverence for
+nobility and high rank is not felt so acutely and powerfully by simple
+and unmixed plebeians, as it is by those who have some remote affinity
+to nobility, or who fancy themselves to be a shadow or two of a caste
+above the mere plebeian. Colonel Crop was not of noble family, but he
+was the last of a mighty puissant race of insignificant attenuated
+gentry in a country town; and as nobility was a scarce article in the
+neighbourhood where he was born and brought up, he was mightily proud
+of his intimacy with the noble family of the Spoonbills. But to proceed.
+
+"Now, colonel, as you are here," said the worthy baronet, "I hope you
+will stay and spend the day with me."
+
+We are always popping in our remarks upon everything that is done and
+said; and here again we cannot help remarking that Sir George Aimwell
+might have had the grace to say "with us," as well as "with me;"
+but he thought so much of his own magisterial self, that he had no
+consideration of any one else.
+
+To the invitation thus given the gallant colonel scarcely knew what
+to say, for his commission, though very definite as to purpose, was
+not definite as to time. Now the colonel, though a man of family, was
+somewhat obtuse, and by some people would have been called stupid; and
+he scarcely knew whether or not he should communicate to the amiable
+magistrate at Neverden Hall, the fact of Lord Spoonbill's incognito
+presence at Smatterton castle. And as it was not possible for him to
+send back to the castle for further orders, he thought that the most
+prudent step that he could take would be to leave the matter of dining
+undecided, and go back in person to Smatterton for full directions.
+
+He gave therefore an undecided answer to the baronet's invitation,
+saying that he had some "little matters" to attend to at Smatterton,
+and that, if he possibly could return to Neverden in the evening, he
+should be most happy to take his dinner with the worthy baronet.
+
+Back therefore to Smatterton trotted the convenient colonel, in order
+to report progress and ask leave to sit at the baronet's table. Now we
+"guess" that some of our readers are sneering most contemptuously at
+this convenient colonel, and admiring the placid facility with which
+he is moved about from place to place at the nod of an hereditary
+legislator, and obeying all the commands of a tadpole senator. Yet why
+should any one think that he is unworthily or degradingly employed.
+Only let us imagine for a moment that the Right Honorable Lord
+Spoonbill is a most gracious, or a most Christian majesty, and that
+his negociations are for precisely the same purpose as they are at
+present; or that from negociations of this nature there may have arisen
+between two mighty and puissant nations a just and necessary war--such
+things have been--then would the said Colonel Crop, in his capacity of
+negociator, be regarded with profound admiration by all his majesty's
+most faithful and loyal subjects; and morning and evening papers
+would be proud of putting forth second editions to immortalize his
+diplomatic movements. But, as it is, ours is the only record of these
+matters.
+
+When Colonel Crop therefore returned to Smatterton castle, and informed
+his right honorable employer of what had passed at Neverden, Lord
+Spoonbill thought, though he did not say, that Colonel Crop was a great
+booby.
+
+"Why, colonel," said his lordship, "by all means go back and take
+your dinner with Sir George; you may find out something about Darnley; I
+am in no hurry for your return, only let me know all that you can
+collect concerning this young lady; and above all endeavour to find
+out whether Mr Robert Darnley is spoken of as her future husband, or
+whether the acquaintance between them is broken off. That is all I wish
+to ascertain at present. I shall then know how to act. For don't you
+see that, if Darnley keeps at a distance in consequence of the present
+reports, I am more likely to have her on my own terms. There is no
+heart so easy to win as that of a disappointed lover."
+
+With his instructions back went the colonel to Neverden. And as we have
+not the opportunity of giving verbal or senatorial advice to mighty
+and puissant princes, we will here do all we can for the good of our
+country, and of all countries into the language of which this history
+may be translated, by advising and most earnestly recommending that
+blockheads, however valorous or gallant, like our friend Colonel Crop,
+be not employed in diplomatic offices. There is a very great difference
+between the vigorous arm that can break a man's head, and the ingenious
+dexterity which can bend a man's heart. And, generally speaking, those
+people can have but little regard for brains, whose business it is to
+knock them out.
+
+For want of a dexterous diplomatist, Lord Spoonbill, as we shall see
+hereafter, was exposed to great inconvenience, and suffered mighty and
+serious disappointment.
+
+Colonel Crop was not sorry that leave was granted him to dine at Sir
+George Aimwell's. For the baronet had an excellent cook, and the cook
+had an excellent place, and few are the instances in which there exists
+so good an understanding between master and servant, as in the present
+case there did between the worthy magistrate and his as worthy cook.
+
+Whether Colonel Crop did or did not possess the organ of hope strongly
+developed in his skull, we cannot tell, for the gallant colonel has not
+yet been hanged; if he had, we might have found any organs we pleased;
+but we may suppose that he had the organ of anticipativeness, for his
+thoughts dwelt so seriously and intently upon the good dinner that he
+was likely to enjoy at Sir George Aimwell's table, that he did actually
+and truly forget a great part of his errand. Oh, how selfish is mortal
+man!
+
+The colonel, however, with all his propensity to oblivion, had
+sufficient memory to recollect that his business was to ascertain
+whether Mr Darnley, son of the rector of Neverden, still continued his
+acquaintance with a young lady or not. At the table of Sir George
+Aimwell there was introduced a young lady, Miss Glossop. The name of
+Glossop bears no very marked affinity to that of Primrose, but by some
+strange fatality or fatuity, the gallant colonel confounded them. The
+young lady, by a certain dashing style of behaviour, passed off with
+the colonel as a remarkably fine young woman; and when Sir George
+Aimwell spoke banteringly to her concerning Robert Darnley, then the
+gallant negociator was sure that this was the lady in question.
+
+There was a still farther corroboration in the circumstance that this
+lady was gifted with remarkable vocal powers. The colonel was no great
+judge of music, but he could see that she played very rapidly, and he
+could hear that she sung very loud; and therefore he entertained the
+same notion of her musical talents which she herself did.
+
+The musical exhibition took place after tea. Lady Aimwell cared little
+about music or anything else, and in the presence of her husband's
+visitors she generally shewed her dignity by looking sulky. But Colonel
+Crop was so vastly polite, that her ladyship was generally more civil
+and courteous to him than to any other guests who were attracted to
+Neverden Hall by the fame of the baronet's cook.
+
+And while Miss Glossop was amusing herself with melodious
+vociferations, and singing and playing so loud that the poor magistrate
+could hardly keep his eyes shut, Colonel Crop and Lady Aimwell were
+engaged in a whispering or muttering conversation, all about nothing
+at all. They both agreed that it was remarkable weather, neither of
+them had remembered it so mild for many years. Lady Aimwell was very
+well pleased to hear Colonel Crop's common-place nothings which he had
+brought from London, and her ladyship related all that had taken place
+at Neverden since the colonel was there last.
+
+Her ladyship was not especially partial to Miss Glossop. There was some
+little jealousy in the heart of Lady Aimwell that this stranger, as it
+were, should occupy so much of the baronet's attention. Disagreeable
+people are generally the most jealous. Her ladyship noticed the music.
+
+"I wonder," muttered the fretful one to Colonel Crop, "that Sir
+George can bear to hear such a constant noise. I am sure he knows
+nothing of music. There is a great deal of talk about her fine voice and
+her rapid execution; her voice sounds to my ear very much like the voice
+of a peacock."
+
+Saying this her ladyship smiled, because it was almost witty, and the
+colonel also smiled, for he too thought it was witty.
+
+"But I beg your pardon, colonel," said her ladyship; "perhaps you may
+be partial to music?"
+
+"By no means," replied the colonel, "and I was not aware that Sir
+George was partial to it. Our friends at the castle are very musical."
+
+It was pleasant for the colonel to be able to talk about our friends
+at the castle; but Lady Aimwell, though not very ambitious of publicity
+in the gay world, was rather jealous of the Smatterton great ones, and
+thought herself treated with too much haughtiness and distance by the
+Earl and Countess.
+
+"I wish that all that noise and affectation were at the castle, instead
+of tormenting me."
+
+Thus spoke Lady Aimwell. Now, thought Colonel Crop, there was a fine
+opportunity for introducing his diplomacy; and for that purpose the
+gallant negociator said, in a very knowing accent:
+
+"But I think I have heard that this young lady is likely to give her
+hand to a Mr ---- Mr ---- bless me, I forget names."
+
+"Do you mean Mr Darnley," said her ladyship, "the son of our
+rector?"
+
+"Yes, yes," replied the colonel, "I believe that is the name;
+Darnley, Darnley, ay, ay, that is the name. This lady is going to be
+married to Mr Darnley, I have heard."
+
+"Oh no!" replied her ladyship, "I don't believe it. I can hardly
+think it probable. Indeed--but I hope it will go no further"--
+
+Here her ladyship spoke in a still lower key and more subdued tone, and
+the gallant colonel listened with profound attention, and with great
+delight did he hear her ladyship thus speak:
+
+"There has, I believe, been some talk about such an affair, and Robert
+Darnley has met her here once or twice. But the truth is, he seems to
+know her character and disposition too well. And if there were any such
+thoughts on his part, I am sure he has given up all such idea by this
+time. Indeed, I do not think that there ever was much regard on either
+side."
+
+This was grand intelligence for the colonel. He felt himself mightily
+important. He soon ceased the conversation, and took his leave of the
+family at Neverden Hall, and he reported all that he had heard and seen
+according to the best of his ability.
+
+"Well, my lord, I have seen your Arabella."
+
+"Penelope, you mean;" interrupted his lordship.
+
+"Ay, ay, Penelope; bless me, how soon I forget names. So I have seen
+her and heard her."
+
+"She plays and sings delightfully," said Lord Spoonbill.
+
+"Wonderfully," replied the colonel, who was more than usually eloquent
+in consequence of the good success of his diplomacy: "to be sure I do
+not understand music, but I never saw so rapid an execution in my life."
+
+"But," interrupted his impatient lordship, "did you hear anything
+about that Darnley?"
+
+"Yes," replied the colonel, with mighty pomp and energy of manner.
+"Lady Aimwell told me, in confidence, that Darnley knew her character
+too well to think of marrying her. These were her ladyship's own
+words."
+
+"Now, Crop, you have done me a service indeed. Now I think the day is
+our own."
+
+When the good friends parted for the night, his delighted lordship was
+so occupied with his own sweet thoughts that he was quite intoxicated
+with joy. He would, had he been able, have sung a _Te Deum_; and it
+would be very well if _Te Deum_ had never been sung on occasions quite
+as unworthy as, if not infinitely more so than the present.
+
+
+END OF THE SECOND VOLUME.
+
+  LONDON:
+  PRINTED BY C. H. REYNELL, BROAD STREET, GOLDEN SQUARE.
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES:
+
+Inconsistent spelling has been retained, unless it's clearly a
+printer's error.
+
+This is a list of the corrections made:
+
+  Smattertno     => Smatterton
+  too verturn    => to overturn
+  gird           => girl
+  enoug          => enough
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Penelope: or, Love's Labour Lost, 
+Vol. 2 (of 3), by William Pitt Scargill
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44159 ***