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-The Project Gutenberg EBook of That Pup, by Ellis Parker Butler
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
-almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
-re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
-with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
-
-
-Title: That Pup
-
-Author: Ellis Parker Butler
-
-Release Date: November 10, 2013 [EBook #44146]
-Last Updated: March 11, 2018
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THAT PUP ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by David Widger
-
-
-
-
-
-
-THAT PUP
-
-By Ellis Parker Butler
-
-Author Of Pigs Is Pigs, Kilo, Etc.
-
-Illustrated
-
-New York The Mcclure Company, MCMVII
-
-
-
-
-I. THE EDUCATION OF FLUFF
-
-Murchison, who lives next door to me, wants to get rid of a dog, and if
-you know of anyone who wants a dog I wish you would let Murchison know.
-Murchison doesn't need it. He is tired of dogs, anyway. That is just
-like Murchison. 'Way up in an enthusiasm one day and sick of it the
-next.
-
-Brownlee--Brownlee lives on the other side of Murchison--remembers when
-Murchison got the dog. It was the queerest thing, so Murchison says,
-you ever heard of. Here came the express wagon--Adams' Express Company's
-wagon--and delivered the dog. The name was all right--“C. P. Murchison,
-Gallatin, Iowa”--and the charges were paid. The charges were $2.80, and
-paid, and the dog had been shipped from New York. Think of that! Twelve
-hundred miles in a box, with a can of condensed milk tied to the box and
-“Please feed” written on it.
-
-[Illustration: frontispiece]
-
-When Murchison came home to dinner, there was the dog. At first
-Murchison was pleased; then he was surprised; then he was worried. He
-hadn't ordered a dog. The more he thought about it the more he worried.
-
-“If I could just _think_ who sent it,” he said to Brownlee, “then I
-would know who sent it; but I can't think. It is evidently a valuable
-dog. I can see that. People don't send cheap, inferior dogs twelve
-hundred miles. But I can't _think_ who sent it.”
-
-“What worries me,” he said to Brownlee another time, “is who sent it.
-I can't _imagine_ who would send me a dog from New York. I know so many
-people, and, like as not, some influential friend of mine has meant to
-make me a nice present, and now he is probably mad because I haven't
-acknowledged it. I'd like to know what he thinks of me about now!”
-
-It almost worried him sick. Murchison never did care for dogs, but when
-a man is presented with a valuable dog, all the way from New York, with
-$2.80 charges paid, he simply _has_ to admire that dog. So Murchison got
-into the habit of admiring the dog, and so did Mrs. Murchison. From what
-they tell me, it was rather a nice dog in its infancy, for it was only a
-pup then. Infant dogs have a habit of being pups.
-
-As near as I could gather from what Murchison and Mrs. Murchison
-told me, it was a little, fluffy, yellow ball, with bright eyes and
-ever-moving tail. It was the kind of a dog that bounces around like a
-rubber ball, and eats the evening newspaper, and rolls down the porch
-steps with short, little squawks of surprise, and lies down on its back
-with its four legs in the air whenever a bigger dog comes near. In color
-it was something like a camel, but a little redder where the hair was
-long, and its hair was like beaver fur--soft and woolly inside, with a
-few long hairs that were not so soft. It was so little and fluffy that
-Mrs. Murchison called it Fluff. Pretty name for a soft, little dog is
-Fluff.
-
-“If I only _knew_ who sent that dog,” Murchison used to say to Brownlee,
-“I would like to make some return. I'd send him a barrel of my best
-melons, express paid, if it cost me five dollars!”
-
-Murchison was in the produce business, and he knew all about melons, but
-not so much about dogs. Of course he could tell a dog from a cat, and a
-few things of that sort, but Brownlee was the real dog man. Brownlee had
-two Irish pointers or setters--I forget which they were; the black dogs
-with the long, floppy ears. I don't know much about dogs myself. I hate
-dogs.
-
-Brownlee knows a great deal about dogs. He isn't one of the book-taught
-sort; he knows dogs by instinct. As soon as he sees a dog he can make
-a guess at its breed, and out our way that is a pretty good test, for
-Gallatin dogs are rather cosmopolitan. That is what makes good stock in
-men--Scotch grandmother and German grandfather on one side and English
-grandmother and Swedish grandfather on the other--and I don't see why
-the same isn't true of dogs. There are numbers of dogs in Gallatin that
-can trace their ancestry through nearly every breed of dog that ever
-lived, and Brownlee can look at any one of them and immediately guess
-at its formula--one part Spitz, three parts greyhound, two parts collie,
-and so on. I have heard him guess more kinds of dog than I ever knew
-existed.
-
-As soon as he saw Murchison's dog he guessed it was a pure bred Shepherd
-with a trace of Eskimo. Massett, who thinks he knows as much about dogs
-as Brownlee does, didn't believe it. The moment he saw the pup he said
-it was a pedigree dog, half St. Bernard and half Spitz.
-
-Brownlee and Massett used to sit on Murchison's steps after supper and
-point out the proofs to each other. They would argue for hours.
-
-“All right, Massett,” Brownlee would say, “but you can't fool _me_. I
-Look at that nose! If that isn't a Shepherd nose, I'll eat it. And see
-that tail! Did you ever see a tail like that on a Spitz? That is an
-Eskimo tail as sure as I am a foot high.”
-
-“Tail fiddlesticks!” Massett would reply. “You can't tell anything by
-a pup's tail. Look at his ears! _There_ is St. Bernard for you! And see
-his lower jaw. Isn't that Spitz? I'll leave it to Murchison. Isn't that
-lower jaw Spitz, Murchison?”
-
-Then all three would tackle the puppy and open its mouth and feel its
-jaw, and the pup would wriggle and squeak, and back away, opening and
-shutting its mouth to see if its works had been damaged.
-
-“All right!” Brownlee would say. “You wait a year or two and you'll
-see!”
-
-About three months later the pup was as big as an ordinary full-grown
-dog, and his coat looked like a compromise between a calfskin and one of
-these hairbrush door mats you use to wipe your feet on in muddy weather.
-He did not look like the same pup. He was long limbed and awkward and
-useless, and homely as a shopworn fifty-cent yellow plush manicure set.
-Murchison began to feel that he didn't really need a dog, but Brownlee
-was as enthusiastic as ever. He would go over to Murchison's fairly
-oozing dog knowledge.
-
-“I'll tell you what that dog is,” he would say. “That dog is a cross
-between a Great Dane and an English Deerhound. You've got a very
-valuable dog there, Murchison, a very valuable dog. He comes of fine
-stock on both sides, and it is a cross you don't often see. I never saw
-it, and I've seen all kinds of crossed dogs.”
-
-Then Massett would drop in and walk around the dog admiringly for a few
-minutes and absorb his beauties.
-
-“Murchison,” he would say, “do you know what that dog is? That dog is
-a pure cross between a Siberian wolfhound and a Newfoundland. You treat
-that dog right and you'll have a fortune in him. Why, a pure Siberian
-wolfhound is worth a thousand dollars, and a good--a really good
-Newfoundland, mind you--is worth two thousand, and you've got both in
-one dog. That's three thousand dollars' worth of dog!”
-
-In the next six months Fluff grew. He broadened out and lengthened and
-heightened, and every day or two Brownlee or Massett would discover a
-new strain of dog in him. They pointed out to Murchison all the marks
-by which he could tell the different kinds of dog that were combined
-in Fluff, and every time they discovered a new one they held a sort of
-jubilee, and bragged and swelled their chests. They seemed to spend all
-their time thinking up odd and strange kinds of dog that Fluff had in
-him. Brownlee discovered the traces of Cuban bloodhound, Kamtchatka
-hound, beagle, Brague de Bengale, and Thibet mastiff, but Massett first
-traced the stag-hound, Turkoman watchdog, Dachshund, and Harrier in him.
-
-[Illustration: 26]
-
-Murchison, not being a doggish man, never claimed to have noticed any of
-these family resemblances, and never said what he thought the dog really
-was until a month or two later, when he gave it as his opinion that the
-dog was a cross between a wolf, a Shetland pony, and hyena. It was about
-that time that Fluff had to be chained. He had begun to eat other dogs,
-and children and chickens. The first night Murchison chained him to his
-kennel Fluff walked half a mile, taking the kennel along, and then only
-stopped because the kennel got tangled with a lamp-post. The man who
-brought him home claimed that Fluff was nearly asphyxiated when he found
-him; said he gnawed half through the lamp-post, and that gas got in his
-lungs, but this was not true. Murchison learned afterwards that it was
-only a gasoline lamp-post, and a wooden one.
-
-“If there were only some stags around this part of the country,” said
-Massett, “the stag-hound strain in that dog would be mighty valuable.
-You could rent him out to everybody who wanted to go stag hunting; and
-you'd have a regular monopoly, because he's the only staghound in this
-part of the country. And stag hunting would be popular, too, out here,
-because there are no game laws that interfere with stag hunting in this
-State. There is no closed season. People could hunt stags all the year
-round, and you'd have that dog busy every day of the year.”
-
-“Yes!” sneered Brownlee, “only there are no stags. And he hasn't any
-staghound blood in him. Pity there are no Dachs in this State, too,
-isn't it? Then Murchison could hire his dog at night, too. They hunt
-Dachs at night, don't they, Massett? Only there is no Dachshund blood in
-him, either. If there was, and if there were a few Dachs-”
-
-Massett was mad.
-
-“Yes!” he cried. “And you, with your Cuban bloodhound strain! I suppose
-if it was the open season for Cubans, you'd go out with the dog and tree
-a few! Or put on snowshoes and follow the Kamtchat to his icy lair!”
- Brownlee doesn't get mad easily.
-
-“Murchison,” he said, “leaving out Mas-sett's dreary nonsense about
-staghounds, I can tell you that dog would make the finest duck dog in
-the State. He's got all the points for a good duck dog, and I ought to
-know for I have two of the best duck dogs that ever lived. All he needs
-is training. If you will train him right you'll have a mighty valuable
-dog.”
-
-“But I don't hunt ducks,” said Murchison, “and I don't know how to train
-even a lap-dog.”
-
-“You let me attend to his education,” said Brownlee. “I just want to
-show Massett here that I know a dog when I see one. I'll show Massett
-the finest duck dog he ever saw when I get through with Fluff.”
-
-So he went over and got his shotgun, just to give Fluff his first
-lesson. The first thing a duck dog must learn is not to be afraid of a
-gun, and Brownlee said that if a dog first learned about guns right at
-his home he was not so apt to be afraid of them. He said that if a dog
-heard a gun for the first time when he was away from home and in strange
-surroundings he was quite right to be surprised and startled, but if he
-heard it in the bosom of his family, with all his friends calmly seated
-about, he would think it was a natural thing, and accept it as such.
-
-So Brownlee put a shell in his gun and Mas-sett and Murchison sat on the
-porch steps and pretended to be uninterested and normal, and Brownlee
-stood up and aimed the gun in the air. Fluff was eating a bone, but
-Brownlee spoke to him and he looked up, and Brownlee pulled the trigger.
-It seemed about five minutes before Fluff struck the ground, he jumped
-so high when the gun was fired, and then he started north by northeast
-at about sixty miles an hour. He came back all right, three weeks later,
-but his tail was still between his legs.
-
-[Illustration: 32]
-
-Brownlee didn't feel the least discouraged. He said he saw now that
-the whole principle of what he had done was wrong; that no dog with any
-brains whatever could be anything but frightened to hear a gun shot off
-right in the bosom of his family. That was no place to fire a gun. He
-said Fluff evidently thought the whole lot of us were crazy, and ran in
-fear of his life, thinking we were insane and might shoot him next.
-He said the thing to do was to take the shotgun into its natural
-surroundings and let Fluff learn to love it there. He pictured Fluff
-enjoying the sound of the gun when he heard it at the edge of the lake.
-
-Murchison never hunted ducks, but as Fluff was his dog, he went with
-Brownlee, and of course Massett went. Massett wanted to see the failure.
-He said he wished stags were as plentiful as ducks, and he would show
-Brownlee!
-
-Fluff was a strong dog--he seemed to have a strain of ox in him, so far
-as strength went--and as long as he saw the gun he insisted that he
-would stay at home; but when Brownlee wrapped the gun in brown paper so
-it looked like a big parcel from the meat shop, the horse that they had
-hitched to the buck-board was able to drag Fluff along without straining
-itself. Fluff was fastened to the rear axle with a chain.
-
-When they reached Duck Lake, Brownlee untied Fluff and patted him,
-and then unwrapped the gun. Fluff gave one pained glance and made the
-six-mile run home in seven minutes without stopping. He was home before
-Brownlee could think of anything to say, and he went so far into his
-kennel that Murchison had to take off the boards at the back to find him
-that night.
-
-“That's nothing,” was what Brownlee said when he did speak; “young dogs
-are often that way. Gun fright. They have to be gun broken. You come out
-to-morrow, and I'll show you how a man who really knows how to handle a
-dog does the trick.”
-
-The next day, when Fluff saw the buck-board he went into his kennel, and
-they couldn't pry him out with the hoe-handle. He connected buckboards
-and guns in his mind, so Brownlee borrowed the butcher's delivery wagon,
-and they drove to Wild Lake. It was seven miles, but Fluff seemed more
-willing to go in that direction than toward Duck Lake. He did not seem
-to care to go to Duck Lake at all.
-
-“Now, then,” said Brownlee, “I'll show you the intelligent way to handle
-a dog. I'll prove to him that he has nothing to fear, that I am his
-comrade and friend. And at the same time,” he said, “I'll not have him
-running off home and spoiling our day's sport.”
-
-So he took the chain and fastened it around his waist, and then he sat
-down and talked to Fluff like an old friend, and got him in a playful
-mood. Then he had Murchison get the gun out of the wagon and lay it on
-the ground about twenty feet off. It was wrapped in brown paper.
-
-Brownlee talked to Fluff and told him what fine sport duck hunting is,
-and then, as if by chance, he got on his hands and knees and crawled
-toward the gun. Fluff hung back a little, but the chain just coaxed him
-a little, too, and they edged up to the gun, and Brownlee pretended to
-discover it unexpectedly.
-
-“Well, well!” he said. “What's this?”
-
-Fluff nosed up to it and sniffed it, and then went at it as if it was
-Massett's cat. That Brownlee had wrapped a beefsteak around the gun,
-inside the paper, and Fluff tore off the paper and ate the steak, and
-Brownlee winked at Murchison.
-
-“I declare,” he said, “if here isn't a gun! Look at this, Fluff--a gun!
-Gosh! but we are in luck!”
-
-Would you believe it, that dog sniffed at the gun, and did not fear it
-in the least? You could have hit him on the head with it and he would
-not have minded it. He never did mind being hit with small things like
-guns and ax handles.
-
-Brownlee got up and stood erect.
-
-“You see!” he said proudly. “All a man needs with a dog like this is
-intelligence. A dog is like a horse. He wants his reason appealed to.
-Now, if I fire the gun, he may be a little startled, but I have created
-a faith in me in him. He knows there is nothing dangerous in a gun _as_
-a gun. He knows I am not afraid of it, so he is not afraid. He realizes
-that we are chained together, and that proves to him that he need not
-run unless I run. Now watch.”
-
-Brownlee fired the shotgun.
-
-Instantly he started for home. He did not start lazily, like a boy
-starting to the wood pile, but went promptly and with a dash. His first
-jump was only ten feet, and we heard him grunt as he landed, but after
-that he got into his stride and made fourteen feet each jump. He was
-bent forward a good deal in the middle, where the chain was, and in many
-ways he was not as graceful as a professional cinder-path track runner,
-but, in running, the main thing is to cover the ground rapidly. Brownlee
-did that.
-
-Massett said it was a bad start. He said it was all right to start a
-hundred-yard dash that way, but for a long-distance run--a run of seven
-miles across country--the start was too impetuous; that it showed a lack
-of generalship, and that when it came to the finish the affair would be
-tame; but it wasn't.
-
-Brownlee said afterwards that there wasn't a tame moment in the entire
-seven miles. It was rather more wild than tame. He felt right from the
-start that the finish would be sensational, unless the chain cut him
-quite in two, and it didn't. He said that when the chain had cut as far
-as his spinal column it could go no farther, and it stopped and clung
-there, but it was the only thing that did stop, except his breath. It
-was several years later that I first met Brownlee, and he was still
-breathing hard, like a man who has just been running rapidly. Brownlee
-says when he shuts his eyes his legs still seem to be going.
-
-The first mile was through underbrush, and that was lucky, for the
-underbrush removed most of Brownlee's clothing, and put him in better
-running weight, but at the mile and a quarter they struck the road.
-He said at two miles he thought he might be overexercising the dog and
-maybe he had better stop, but the dog seemed anxious to get home so he
-didn't stop there. He said that at three miles he was sure the dog was
-overdoing, and that with his knowledge of dogs he was perfectly able
-to stop a running dog in its own length if he could speak to it, but
-he couldn't speak to this dog for two reasons. One was that he couldn't
-overtake the dog and the other was that all the speak was yanked out of
-him.
-
-When they reached five miles the dog seemed to think they were taking
-too much time to get home, and let out a few more laps of speed, and
-it was right there that Brownlee decided that Fluff had some greyhound
-blood in him.
-
-He said that when they reached town he felt as if he would have been
-glad to stop at his own house and lie down for awhile, but the dog
-didn't want to, and so they went on; but that he ought to be thankful
-that the dog was willing to stop at that town at all. The next town was
-twelve miles farther on, and the roads were bad. But the dog turned into
-Murchison's yard and went right into his kennel.
-
-When Murchison and Massett got home, an hour or so later, after driving
-the horse all the way at a gallop, they found old Gregg, the carpenter,
-prying the roof off the kennel. You see, Murchison had knocked the rear
-out of the kennel the day before, and so when the dog aimed for
-the front he went straight through, and as Brownlee was built more
-perpendicular than the dog, Brownlee didn't go quite through. He went
-in something like doubling up a dollar bill to put it into a thimble.
-I don't suppose anyone would want to double up a dollar bill to put it
-into a thimble, but neither did Brownlee want to be doubled up and
-put into the kennel. It was the dog's thought. So they had to take the
-kennel roof off.
-
-When they got Brownlee out they laid him on the grass, and covered him
-up with a porch rug, and let him lie there a couple of hours to pant,
-for that seemed what he wanted to do just then. It was the longest
-period Brownlee ever spent awake without talking about dog.
-
-Murchison and Massett and old Gregg and twenty-six informal guests stood
-around and gazed at Brownlee panting. Presently Brownlee was able to
-gasp out a few words.
-
-“Murchison,” he gasped, “Murchison, if you just had that dog in
-Florence--or wherever it is they race dogs--you'd have a fortune.”
-
-He panted awhile, and then gasped out:
-
-“He's a great runner; a phenomenal runner!”
-
-He had to pant more, and then he gasped with pride:
-
-“But I wasn't three feet behind him all the way!”
-
-
-
-
-II. GETTING RID OF FLUFF
-
-So after that Murchison decided to get rid of Fluff. He told me that he
-had never really-wanted a dog, anyway, but that when a dog is sent, all
-the way from New York, anonymously, with $2.80 charges paid, it is hard
-to cast the dog out into the cold world without giving it a trial. So
-Murchison tried the dog for a few more years, and at last he decided
-he would have to get rid of him. He came over and spoke to me about it,
-because I had just moved in next door.
-
-“Do you like dogs?” he asked, and that was the first word of
-conversation I ever had with Murchison. I told him frankly that I did
-not like dogs, and that my wife did not like them, and Murchison seemed
-more pleased than if I had offered him a thousand dollars.
-
-“Now, I am glad of that,” he said, “for Mrs. Murchison and I hate dogs.
-If you do not like dogs, I will get rid of Fluff. I made up my mind
-several years ago to get rid of Fluff, but when I heard you were going
-to move into this house, I decided not to get rid of him until I knew
-whether you liked dogs or not. I told Mrs. Murchison that if we got rid
-of Fluff before you came, and then found that you loved dogs and owned
-one, you might take our getting rid of Fluff as a hint that your dog was
-distasteful to us, and it might hurt your feelings. And Mrs. Murchison
-said that if you had a dog, your dog might feel lonely in a strange
-place and might like to have Fluff to play with until your dog got used
-to the neighborhood. So we did not get rid of him; but if you do not
-like dogs we will get rid of him right away.”
-
-I told Murchison that I saw he was the kind of a neighbor a man liked to
-have, and that it was kind of him to offer to get rid of Fluff, but that
-he mustn't do so just on our account.
-
-I said that if he wanted to keep the dog, he had better do so.
-
-“Now, that is kind of you,” said Murchison, “but we would really rather
-get rid of him. I decided several years ago that I would get rid of him,
-but Brownlee likes dogs, and took an interest in Fluff, and wanted to
-make a bird dog of him, so we kept Fluff for his sake. But now Brownlee
-is tired of making a bird dog of him. He says Fluff is too strong to
-make a good bird dog, and not strong enough to rent out as a horse, and
-he is willing I should get rid of him. He says he is anxious for me to
-get rid of him as soon as I can.”
-
-When I saw Fluff I agreed with Brownlee. At the first glance I saw that
-Fluff was a failure as a dog, and that to make a good camel he needed
-a shorter neck and more hump, but he had the general appearance of an
-amateur camel. He looked as if some one who had never seen a dog, but
-had heard of one, had started out to make a dog, and got to thinking of
-a camel every once in a while, and had tried to show me Fluff that day
-worked in parts of what he thought a camel was like with what he thought
-a dog was like, and then--when the job was about done--had decided it
-was a failure, and had just finished it up any way, sticking on the
-meanest and cheapest hair he could find, and getting most of it on wrong
-side to.
-
-[Illustration: 52]
-
-But the cheap hair did not matter much. Murchison and Brownlee showed me
-the place where Fluff had worn most of it off the ridge pole of his back
-crawling under the porch. He tried to show me Fluff that day, but it was
-so dark under the porch that I could not tell which was Fluff and which
-was simply underneathness of porch. But from what Brownlee told me
-that day, I knew that Fluff had suffered a permanent dislocation of the
-spirits. He told me he had taken Fluff out to make a duck dog of him,
-and that all the duck Fluff was interested in was to duck when he saw a
-gun, and that after he had heard a gun fired once or twice he had become
-sad and dejected, and had acquired a permanently ingrowing tail, and an
-expression of face like a coyote, but more mournful. He had acquired a
-habit of carrying his head down and forward, as if he was about to lay
-it on the headsman's block, and knew he deserved that and more, and the
-sooner it was over the better. He couldn't even scratch fleas correctly.
-Brownlee said that when he met a flea in the road he would not even go
-around it, but would stoop down like a camel to let the flea get aboard.
-He was that kind of a dog. He was the most discouraged dog I ever knew.
-
-The next day I was putting down the carpet in the back bedroom, when in
-came Murchison.
-
-“I came over to speak to you about Fluff,” he said. “I am afraid he
-must have annoyed you last night. I suppose you heard him howl?”
-
-“Yes, Murchison,” I said, “I did hear him. I never knew a dog could howl
-so loud and long as that. He must have been very ill.”
-
-“Oh, no!” said Murchison cheerfully. “That is the way he always howls.
-That is one of the reasons I have decided to get rid of Fluff. But it
-is a great deal worse for us than it is for you. The air inlet of our
-furnace is at the side of the house just where Fluff puts his head when
-he howls, and the register in our room is right at the head of our bed.
-So his howl goes in at the inlet and down through the furnace and up
-the furnace pipes, and is delivered right in our room, just as clear and
-strong as if he was in the room. That is one reason I have fully decided
-to get rid of Fluff. It would not be so bad if we had only one register
-in our house, but we have ten, and when Fluff howls, his voice is
-delivered by all ten registers, so it is just as if we had ten Fluffs
-in the house at one time. And ten howls like Fluff's are too much.
-Even Brownlee says so.” I told Murchison that I agreed with Brownlee
-perfectly. Fluff had a bad howl. It sounded as if Cruel Fate, with
-spikes in his shoes, had stepped on Fluff's inmost soul, and then jogged
-up and down on the tenderest spot, and Fluff was trying to reproduce his
-feelings in vocal exercises. It sounded like a cheap phonograph giving
-a symphony in the key of woe minor, with a megaphone attachment and bad
-places in the record. Judging by his voice, the machine needed a new
-needle. But the megaphone attachment was all right.
-
-Brownlee--who knows all about dogs--said that he knew what was
-the matter with Fluff. He said Fluff had a very high-grade musical
-temperament, and that he longed to be the Caruso of dogs. He said that
-he could see that all through his bright and hopeful puppyhood he had
-looked forward to being a great singer, with a Wagner repertoire and
-tremolo stops in his song organ, and that he had early set his aim at
-perfection. He said Fluff was that kind of a dog, and that when he saw
-what his voice had turned out to be he was dissatisfied, and became
-morbid. He said that any dog that had a voice like Fluff's had a right
-to be dissatisfied with it--he would be dissatisfied himself with
-that voice. He said he did not wonder that Fluff slunk around all day,
-feeling he was no good on earth, and that he could understand that when
-night came and everything was still, so that Fluff could judge of the
-purity of his tonal quality better, he would pull out his voice, and
-tune it up and look it over and try it again, hoping it had improved
-since he tried it last. Brownlee said it never had improved, and that
-was what made Fluff's howl so mournful--it was full of tears. He said
-Fluff would go to G flat and B flat and D flat, and so on until he
-struck a note he felt he was pretty good at, and then he would cling to
-that note and weep it full of tears.
-
-[Illustration: 52]
-
-He asked Murchison if he hadn't noticed that the howl was sort of damp
-and salty from the tears, but Murchison said he hadn't noticed the
-dampness. He said it probably got dried out of the howl before it
-readied him, coming through the furnace. Then Brownlee said that if
-there was only some way of regulating Fluff, so that he could be turned
-on and off, Murchison would have a fortune in him: he could turn his
-howl off when people wanted to be cheerful, and then, when a time of
-great national woe occurred, Murchison could turn Fluff on and set him
-going. He said he never heard anything in his life that came so near
-expressing in sound a great national woe as Fluff's howl did. He said
-Fluff might lack finish in tonal quality, but that in woe quality he was
-a master: he was stuffed so full of woe quality that it oozed out of his
-pores. He said he always thought what a pity it was for dogs like Fluff
-that people preferred cheerful songs like “Annie Rooney” and “Waltz me
-around again, Willie” to the nobler woe operas. He said he had tried
-to like good music himself, but it was no use: whenever he heard Fluff
-sing, he felt that Murchison ought to get rid of Fluff. Then Murchison
-said that was just what he was going to do. What he wanted to talk about
-was how to get rid of Fluff.
-
-But I am getting too far ahead of my story. Whenever I get to talking
-about the howl of Fluff, I find I wander on for hours at a time.
-
-It takes hours of talk to explain just what a mean howl Fluff had.
-
-But as I was saying, Murchison came over while I was putting down the
-carpet in my back bedroom, and told me he had fully decided to get rid
-of Fluff.
-
-“I have fully decided to get rid of him,” he said, “and the only thing
-that bothers me is how to get rid of him.”
-
-“Give him away,” I suggested.
-
-“That's a good idea!” said Murchison gratefully. “That's the very idea
-that occurred to me when I first thought of getting rid of Fluff. It is
-an idea that just matches Fluff all over. That is just the kind of dog
-Fluff is. If ever a dog was made to give away, Fluff was made for it.
-The more I think about him and look at him and study him, the surer I am
-that the only thing he is good for is to give away.”
-
-Then he shook his head and sighed.
-
-“The only trouble,” he said, “is that Fluff _is_ the give-away kind of
-dog. That is the only kind you can't give away. There is only one time
-of the year that a person can make presents of things that are good for
-nothing but to give away, and that is at Christmas. Now, I might--”
-
-“Murchison,” I said, laying my tack hammer on the floor and standing up,
-“you don't mean to keep that infernal, howling beast until Christmas, do
-you? If you do, I shall stop putting down this carpet. I shall pull out
-the tacks that are already in and move elsewhere. Why, this is only
-the first of May, and if I have to sleep--if I have to keep awake every
-night and listen to that animated foghorn drag his raw soul over the
-teeth of a rusty harrow--I shall go crazy. Can't you think of some one
-that is going to have a birthday sooner than that?”
-
-“I wish I could,” said Murchison wistfully, “but I can't. I want to get
-rid of Fluff, and so does Brownlee, and so does Massett, but I can't
-think of a way to get rid of him, and neither can they.”
-
-“Murchison,” I said, with some asperity, for I hate a man who trifles,
-“if I really thought you and Brownlee and Massett were as stupid as
-all that, I would be sorry I moved into this neighborhood, but I don't
-believe it. I believe you do not mean to get rid of Fluff. I believe you
-and Brownlee and Massett want to keep him. If you wanted to get rid of
-him, you could do it the same way you got him.”
-
-“That's an excellent idea!” exclaimed Murchison. “That is one of the
-best ideas I ever heard, and I would go and do it if I hadn't done it so
-often already. As soon as Brownlee suggested that idea I did it. I sent
-Fluff by express to a man--to John Smith--at Worcester, Mass., and when
-Fluff came back I had to pay $8.55 charges. But I didn't begrudge the
-money. The trip did Fluff a world of good--it strengthened his voice,
-and made him broader-minded. I tell you,” he said enthusiastically,
-“there's nothing like travel for broadening the mind! Look at Fluff!
-Maybe he don't show it, but that dog's mind is so broadened by travel
-that if he was turned loose in Alaska he would find his way home. When
-I found his mind was getting so tremendously broad I stopped sending him
-to places. Brownlee--Brownlee knows all about dogs--said it would not
-hurt Fluff a bit; he said a dog's mind could not get too broad, and
-that as far as he was concerned he would just like to see once how
-broad-minded a dog could become; he would like to have Fluff sent out
-by express every time he came back. He told me it was an interesting
-experiment--that so far as he knew it had never been tried before--and
-that the thing I ought to do was to keep Fluff traveling all the time.
-He said that so far as he knew it was the only way to get rid of Fluff;
-that some time while he was traveling around in the express car there
-might be a wreck, and we would be rid of Fluff; and if there wasn't a
-wreck, it would be interesting to see what effect constant travel would
-have on a coarse dog. He said I might find after a year or two that I
-had the most cultured dog in the United States. Brownlee was willing to
-have me send Fluff anywhere. He suggested a lot of good places to
-send dogs, but he didn't care enough about dog culture to help pay the
-express charges.”
-
-“I see, Murchison,” I said scornfully, “I see! You are the kind of a man
-who would let a little money stand between you and getting rid of a
-dog like Fluff! If I had a dog like Fluff, nothing in the world could
-prevent me from getting rid of him. I only wish, he was my dog.”
-
-“Take him!” said Murchison generously; “I make you a full and free
-present of him. You can have that dog absolutely and wholly. He is
-yours.”
-
-“I will take the dog,” I said haughtily, “not because I really want a
-dog, nor because I hanker for that particular dog, but because I can see
-that you and Brownlee and Massett have been trifling with him. Bring him
-over in my yard, and I will show you in very short measure how to get
-rid of Fluff.”
-
-That afternoon both Brownlee and Massett called on me. They came and sat
-on my porch steps, and Murchison came and sat with them, and all three
-sat and looked at Fluff and talked him over. Every few minutes
-they would--Brownlee and Massett would--get up and shake hands with
-Murchison, and congratulate him on having gotten rid of Fluff, and
-Murchison would blush modestly and say:
-
-“Oh, that is nothing! I always knew I would get rid of him.” And there
-was the dog not five feet from them, tied to my lawn hydrant. I watched
-and listened to them until I had had enough of it, and then I went into
-the house and got my shotgun. I loaded it with a good BB shell and went
-out.
-
-[Illustration: 62]
-
-Fluff saw me first. I never saw a dog exhibit such intelligence as Fluff
-exhibited right then. I suppose travel had broadened him, and probably
-the hydrant was old and rusted out, anyway. When a man moves into a
-house he ought to have _all_ the plumbing attended to the first thing.
-Any ordinary, unbroadened dog would have lain down and pulled, but Fluff
-didn't. First he jumped six feet straight into the air, and that pulled
-the four feet of hydrant pipe up by the roots, and then he went away.
-He took the hydrant and the pipe with him, and that might have surprised
-me, but I saw that he did not know where he was going nor how long he
-would stay there when he reached the place, and a dog can never tell
-what will come handy when he is away from home. A hydrant and a piece of
-iron pipe might be the very thing he would need. So he took them along.
-
-If I had wanted a fountain in my front yard, I could not have got one
-half as quickly as Fluff furnished that one, and I would never have
-thought of pulling out the hydrant to make me one. Fluff thought of
-that--at least Brownlee said he thought of it--but I think all Fluff
-wanted was to get away. And he got away, and the fountain didn't happen
-to be attached to the hydrant, so he left it behind. If it had been
-attached to the hydrant, he would have taken it with him. He was a
-strong dog.
-
-“There!” said Brownlee, when we had heard the pipe rattle across the
-Eighth Street bridge--“there is intelligence for you! You ought to be
-grateful to that dog all your life. _You_ didn't know it was against
-the law to discharge a gun in the city limits, but Fluff did, and he
-wouldn't wait to see you get into trouble. He has heard us talking about
-it, Murchison. I tell you travel has broadened that dog! Look what he
-has saved you,” he said to me, “by going away at just the psychological
-moment. We should have told you about not firing a gun in the city
-limits. You can't get rid of Fluff that way. It is against the law.”
-
-“Yes,” said Massett; “and if you knew Fluff as well as we do you would
-know that he is a dog you can't shoot. He is a wonderful dog. He knows
-all about guns. Brownlee tried to make a duck dog out of him, and took
-him out where the ducks were--showed him the ducks--shot a gun at the
-ducks--and what do you think that dog learned?”
-
-“To run,” I said, for I had heard about Brownlee teaching Fluff to
-retrieve. Brownlee blushed.
-
-“Yes,” said Massett, “but that wasn't all. It doesn't take intelligence
-to make a dog run when he sees a gun, but Fluff did not run like an
-ordinary dog. He saw the gun and he saw the ducks, and he saw that
-Brownlee only shot at ducks when they were on the wing. And he thought
-Brownlee meant to shoot him, so what does he do? Stand still? No; he
-tries to fly. Gets right up and tries to fly. He thought that was what
-Brownlee was trying to teach him. He couldn't fly, but he did his
-best. So whenever Fluff sees a gun, he is on the wing, so to speak. You
-noticed he was on the wing, didn't you?”
-
-I told him I had noticed it. I said that as far as I could judge, Fluff
-had a good strong wing. I said I didn't mind losing a little thing like
-a hydrant and a length or two of pipe, but I was glad I hadn't fastened
-Fluff to the house--I always liked my house to have a cellar---and it
-would be just like Fluff to stop flying at some place where there wasn't
-any cellar.
-
-“Oh,” said Massett, “he wouldn't have gone far with the house. A house
-is a great deal heavier than a hydrant. He would probably have moved the
-house off the foundation a little, but, judging by the direction Fluff
-took, the house would have wedged between those two trees, and you would
-have only lost a piece of the porch, or whatever he was tied to. But
-the lesson is that you must not try to shoot Fluff unless you are a good
-wing shot. Unless you can shoot like Davy Crockett, you would be apt to
-wound Fluff without killing him, and then there _would_ be trouble!”
-
-“Yes,” said Murchison, “the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals folks.
-There is only one way in which a dog can be killed according to law in
-this place, and that is to have the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
-folks do it. You send them a letter telling them you have a dog you want
-killed, and asking them to come and kill it. That is according to law.”
-
-“That,” I said firmly, “is what I will do.”
-
-“It won't do any good,” said Murchison sadly; “they never come. This
-addition to Gallatin is too far from their offices to be handy, and they
-never come. I have eighteen deaths for Fluff on file at their offices
-already, and not one of them has killed him. When you have had as much
-experience with dogs as I have had you will know that the Prevention
-of Cruelty to them in this town does not include killing them when
-they live in the suburbs. The only way a dog can die in the suburbs of
-Gallatin is to die of old age.”
-
-“How old is Fluff?” I asked.
-
-“Fluff is a young dog,” said Brownlee. “If he had an ordinary dog
-constitution, he would live fifteen years yet, but he hasn't. He has an
-extra strong constitution, and I should say he was good for twenty years
-more. But that isn't what we came over for. We came over to learn how
-you mean to get rid of Fluff.”
-
-“Brownlee,” I said, “I shall think up some way to get rid of Fluff.
-Getting rid of a dog is no task for a mind like mine. But until he
-returns and gives me back my hydrant, I shall do nothing further. I am
-not going to bother about getting rid of a dog that is not here to be
-got rid of.”
-
-By the time Fluff returned I had thought out a plan. Murchison had never
-paid the dog tax on Fluff, and that was the same as condemning him to
-death if he was ever caught outside of the yard, but when he was outside
-he could not be caught. He was a hasty mover, and little things such as
-closed gates never prevented him from entering the yard when in haste.
-When he did not jump over he could get right through a fence. But to
-a man of my ability these things are trifles. I knew how to get rid of
-Fluff. I knew how to have him caught in the street without a license. I
-chained him there.
-
-Brownlee and Massett and Murchison came and watched me do it. Our street
-is not much used, and the big stake I drove in the street was not much
-in the way of passing grocery delivery wagons. I fastened Fluff to
-the stake with a chain, and then I wrote to the city authorities
-and complained. I said there was a dog without a license that was
-continually in front of my house, and I wished it removed; and a week or
-so later the dog-catcher came around and had a look at Fluff: He walked
-all around him while Massett and Brownlee and Murchison and I leaned
-over our gates and looked on. He was not at all what I should have
-expected a dog-catcher to be, being thin and rather gentlemanly in
-appearance; and after he had looked Fluff over well he came over and
-spoke to me. He asked me if Fluff was my dog. I said he was.
-
-“I see!” said the dog-catcher. “And you want to get rid of him. If he
-was my dog, I would want to get rid of him, too. I have seen lots of
-dogs, but I never saw one that was like this, and I do not blame you for
-wanting to part with him. I have had my eye on him for several years,
-but this is the first opportunity I have had to approach him. Now,
-however, he seems to have broken all the dog laws. He has not secured a
-license, and he is in the public highway. It will be my duty to take him
-up and gently chloroform him as soon as I make sure of one thing.”
-
-“Tell me what it is,” I said, “and I will help you make sure of ft.”
-
-“Thank you,” he said, “but I will attend to it,” and with that he got on
-his wagon and drove off. He returned in about an hour.
-
-“I came back,” he said, “not because my legal duty compels me, but
-because I knew you would be anxious. If I owned a dog like that, I would
-be anxious, too. I can't take that dog.”
-
-“Why not?” we all asked.
-
-“Because,” he said, “I have been down to the city hall, and I have
-looked up the records, and I find that the streets of this addition to
-the city have not been accepted by the city. The titles to the property
-are so made out that until the city legally accepts the streets, each
-property owner owns to the middle of the street fronting his property.
-If you will step out and look, you will see that the dog is on your own
-property.”
-
-[Illustration: 72]
-
-“If that is all,” I said, “I will move the stake. I will put him on the
-other side of the street.”
-
-“If you would like him any better there,” said the dog-catcher, “you can
-move him, but it would make no difference to me. Then he would be on the
-private property of the man who owns the property across the street.”
-
-“But, my good man,” I said, “how _is_ a man to get rid of a dog he does
-not want?”
-
-The dog-catcher frowned.
-
-“That,” he said, “seems to be one of the things our lawmakers have not
-thought of. But whatever you do, I advise you to be careful. Do not try
-any underhand methods, for now that my attention has been called to the
-dog, I shall have to watch his future and see that he is not badly used.
-I am an officer of the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals as well as a
-dog-catcher, and I warn you to be careful what you do with that dog.”
-
-Then he got on his wagon again and drove away.
-
-The next morning I was a nervous wreck, for Fluff had howled all night,
-and Murchison came over soon after breakfast. He was accompanied by
-Brownlee and Massett.
-
-“Now, I am the last man in the world to do anything that my neighbors
-would take offense at,” he said, as soon as they were seated on my
-porch, “and Brownlee and Massett love dogs as few men ever love them;
-but something has to be done about Fluff. The time has come when we must
-sleep with our windows open, and neither Massett nor Brownlee nor I got
-a minute of sleep last night.”
-
-“Neither did I,” I said.
-
-“That is different entirely,” said Murchison. “Fluff is your dog, and if
-you want to keep a howling dog, you would be inclined to put up with the
-howl, but we have no interest in the dog at all. We do not own him, and
-we consider him a nuisance. We have decided to ask you to get rid of
-him. It is unjust to your neighbors to keep a howling dog. You will have
-to get rid of Fluff.”
-
-“Exactly!” said Massett. “For ten nights I have not slept a wink, and
-neither has Murchison, nor has Brownlee--”
-
-“Nor I,” I added.
-
-“Exactly!” said Massett. “And four men going without sleep for ten
-nights is equal to one man going without sleep forty nights, which would
-kill any man. Practically, Fluff has killed a man, and is a murderer,
-and as you are responsible for him, it is the same as if you were a
-murderer yourself; and as you were one of the four who did not sleep,
-you may also be said to have committed suicide. But we do not mean to
-give you into the hands of the law until we have remonstrated with you.
-But we feel deeply, and the more so because you could easily give us
-some nights of sleep in which to recuperate.”
-
-“If you can tell me how,” I said, “I will gladly do it. I need sleep
-more at this minute than I ever needed it in my life.”
-
-“Very well,” said Massett; “just get out your shotgun and show it to
-Fluff. When he sees the gun he will run. He will take wings like a
-duck, and while he is away we can get a few nights' rest. That will be
-something. And if we are not in good condition by that time, you can
-show him the shotgun again. Why!” he exclaimed, as he grew enthusiastic
-over his idea, “you can keep Fluff eternally on the wing!”
-
-I felt that I needed a vacation from Fluff. I unchained him and went in
-to get my shotgun. Then I showed him the shotgun, and we had two good
-nights of sleep. After that, whenever we felt that we needed a few
-nights in peace, I just showed Fluff the shotgun and he went away on one
-of his flying trips.
-
-But it was Brownlee--Brownlee knew all about dogs--who first called my
-attention to what he called the periodicity of Fluff.
-
-“Now, you would never have noticed it,” he said one day when Murchison
-and I were sitting on my porch with him, “but I did. That is because I
-have studied dogs. I know all about dogs, and I know Fluff can run. This
-is because he has greyhound blood in him. With a little wolf. That is
-why I studied Fluff, and how I came to notice that every time you show
-him the shotgun he is gone just forty-eight hours. Now, you go and get
-your shotgun and try it.”
-
-So I tried it, and Fluff went away as he always did; and Brownlee sat
-there bragging about how Fluff could run, and about how wonderful he was
-himself to have thought of the periodicity of Fluff.
-
-“Did you see how he went?” he asked enthusiastically. “That gait was a
-thirty-mile-an-hour gait. Why, that dog travels--he travels--” He took
-out a piece of paper and a pencil and figured it out. “In forty-eight
-hours he travels fourteen hundred and forty miles! He gets seven hundred
-and twenty miles from home!”
-
-“It doesn't seem possible,” said Murchison. “No,” said Brownlee frankly,
-“it doesn't.” He went over his figures again. “But that is figured
-correctly,” he said. “If--but maybe I did not gauge his speed correctly.
-And I didn't allow for stopping to turn around at the end of the out
-sprint. What we ought to have on that dog is a pedometer. If I owned a
-dog like that, the first thing I would get would be a pedometer.”
-
-I told Brownlee that if he wished I would give him Fluff, and he could
-put a pedometer, or anything else, on him; but Brownlee remembered he
-had some work to do and went home.
-
-But he was right about the periodicity of Fluff. Almost on the minute at
-the end of forty-eight hours Fluff returned, and Brownlee and Murchison,
-who were there to receive him, were as pleased as if Fluff had been
-going away instead of returning.
-
-“That dog,” said Brownlee, “is a wonderful animal. If Sir Isaac Newton
-had that dog, he would have proved something or other of universal value
-by him. That dog is plumb full of ratios and things, if we only knew how
-to get them out of him. I bet if Sir Isaac Newton had had Fluff as
-long as you have had him he would have had a formula all worked
-out--x/y(2xz-dog)=2(4ab-3x) or something of that kind, so that
-anyone with half a knowledge of algebra could figure out the square root
-of any dog any time of the day or night. I could get up a Law of Dog
-myself if I had the time, with a dog like Fluff to work on. 'If one dog
-travels fourteen hundred and forty miles at the sight of a gun, how far
-would two dogs travel?' All that sort of thing. Stop!” he ejaculated
-suddenly. “If one dog travels forty-eight hours at the sight of one gun,
-how far would he travel at the sight of two guns? Murchison,” he
-cried enthusiastically, “I've got it! I've got the fundamental law of
-periodicity in dogs! Go get your gun,” he said to me, “and I will get
-mine.”
-
-[Illustration: 82]
-
-He stopped at the gate long enough to say:
-
-“I tell you, Murchison, we are on the verge of a mighty important
-discovery--a mighty important discovery! If this thing turns out
-right, we will be at the root of all dog nature. We will have the great
-underlying law of scared dogs.”
-
-He came back with his shotgun carefully hidden behind him, and then he
-and I showed Fluff the two guns simultaneously. For one minute Fluff was
-startled. Then he vanished. All we saw of him as he went was the dust he
-left in his wake. Massett had come over when Brownlee brought over
-his gun, and Murchison and I sat and smoked while Massett and Brownlee
-fought out the periodicity of Fluff. Brownlee said that for two guns
-Fluff would traverse the same distance as for one, but twice as quickly;
-but Massett said Brownlee was foolish, and that anyone who knew anything
-about dogs would know that no dog could go faster than Fluff had gone
-at the sight of one gun. Massett said Fluff would travel at his regular
-one-gun speed, but would travel a two-gun distance. He said Fluff would
-not be back for ninety-six hours. Brownlee said he would be back in
-forty-eight hours, but both agreed that he would travel twenty-eight
-hundred and eighty miles. Then Murchison went home and got a map, and
-showed Brownlee and Massett that if Fluff traveled fourteen hundred
-miles in the direction he had started he would have to do the last two
-hundred miles as a swim, because he would strike the Atlantic Ocean
-at the twelve hundredth mile. But Brownlee just turned up his nose and
-sneered. He said Fluff was no fool, and that when he reached the coast
-he would veer to the north and travel along the beach for two hundred
-miles or so. Then Massett said that he had been thinking about
-Brownlee's theory, and he _knew_ no dog could do what Brownlee said
-Fluff would do--sixty miles an hour. He said he agreed that a dog like
-Fluff could do thirty miles an hour if he did not stop to howl, because
-his howl represented about sixty horse power, but that no dog could ever
-do sixty miles an hour. Then Brownlee got mad and said Massett was a
-born idiot, and that Fluff not only _could_ do sixty miles, but he
-could keep on increasing his speed at the rate of thirty miles per gun
-indefinitely. Then they went home mad, but they agreed to be on hand
-when Fluff returned. But they were not. Fluff came home in twenty-four
-hours, almost to the minute.
-
-When I went over and told Brownlee, he wouldn't believe it at first, but
-when I showed him Fluff, he cheered up and clapped me on the back.
-
-“I tell you,” he exclaimed, “we have made a great discovery. We have
-discovered the law of scared dogs. 'A dog is scared in inverse ratio to
-the number of guns!' Now, it wouldn't be fair to try Fluff again without
-giving him a breathing spell, but to-morrow I will come over, and we
-will try him with four guns. We will work this thing out thoroughly,” he
-said, “before we write to the Academy of Science, or whatever a person
-would write to, so that there will be no mistake. Before we give this
-secret to the world we want to have it complete. We will try Fluff with
-any number of guns, and with pistols and rifles, and if we can get one
-we will try him with a cannon. We will keep at it for years and years.
-You and I will be famous.”
-
-I told Brownlee that if he wanted to experiment for years with Fluff
-he could have him, but that all I wanted was to get rid of him; but
-Brownlee wouldn't hear of that. He said he would buy Fluff of me if he
-was rich enough, but that Fluff was so valuable he couldn't think of
-buying him. He would let me keep him. He said he would be over the next
-day to try Fluff again.
-
-So the next day he and Murchison and Massett came over and held a
-consultation on my porch to decide how many guns they would try on
-Fluff. They could not agree. Massett wanted to try four guns and have
-Fluff absent only half a day, but Brownlee wanted to have me break my
-shotgun in two and try that on Fluff. He said that according to the law
-of scared dogs, a half a gun, working it out by inverse ratio, would
-keep Fluff away for twice as long as one gun, which would be ninety-six
-hours; and while they were arguing it out Fluff came around the house
-unsuspectingly and saw us on the porch. He gave us one startled glance
-and started north by northeast at what Brownlee said was the most
-marvelous rate of speed he ever saw. Then he and Massett got down off
-the porch and looked for guns, but there were none in sight. There
-wasn't anything that looked the least like a gun. Not even a broomstick.
-Brownlee said he knew what was the matter--Fluff was having a little
-practice run to keep in good condition, and would be back in a few
-hours; but, judging by the look he gave us as he went, I thought he
-would be gone longer than that.
-
-I could see that Brownlee was worried, and as day followed day without
-any return of Fluff, Murchison and I tried to cheer him up, showing him
-how much better we all slept while Fluff was away; but it did not cheer
-up poor Brownlee. He had set his faith on that dog, and the dog had
-deceived him. We all became anxious about Brownlee's health--he moped
-around so; and just when we began to be afraid he was going into a
-decline he cheered up, and came over as bright and happy as a man could
-be.
-
-“I told you so!” he exclaimed joyfully, as soon as he was inside my
-gate. “And it makes me ashamed of myself that I didn't think of it the
-moment I saw Fluff start off. You will never see that dog again.”
-
-I told Brownlee that that was good news, anyway, even if it did upset
-his law of scared dogs; but he smiled a superior smile.
-
-“Disprove nothing!” he said. “It proves my law. Didn't I say in the
-first place that the time a dog would be gone was in inverse ratio
-to the number of guns? Well, the inverse ratio to no guns is infinite
-time--that is how long Fluff will be gone; that is how long he will run.
-Why, that dog will never stop running while there is any dog left in
-him. He can't help it--it is the law of scared dogs.”
-
-“Do you mean to say,” I asked him, “that that dog will run on and on
-forever?”
-
-“Exactly!” said Brownlee proudly. “As long as there is a particle of him
-left he will keep on running. That is the law.”
-
-Maybe Brownlee was right. I don't know. But what I would like to know is
-the name of some one who would like a dog that looks like Fluff, and is
-his size, and that howls like him and that answers to his name. A dog of
-that kind returned to Murchison's house a long time before infinity, and
-I would like to get rid of him. Brownlee says it isn't Fluff; that his
-law couldn't be wrong, and that this is merely a dog that resembles
-Fluff. Maybe Brownlee is right, but I would like to know some one that
-wants a dog with a richly melodious voice.
-
-THE END
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of That Pup, by Ellis Parker Butler
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-<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en">
-  <head>
-    <title>
-      That Pup, by Ellis Parker Butler
-    </title>
-    <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve">
-
-    body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify}
-    P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; }
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-    .mynote    {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;}
-    .toc       { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;}
-    .toc2      { margin-left: 20%;}
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-
-</style>
-  </head>
-  <body>
-
-
-<pre>
-
-The Project Gutenberg EBook of That Pup, by Ellis Parker Butler
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
-almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
-re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
-with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
-
-
-Title: That Pup
-
-Author: Ellis Parker Butler
-
-Release Date: November 10, 2013 [EBook #44146]
-Last Updated: March 11, 2018
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THAT PUP ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by David Widger
-
-
-
-
-
-</pre>
-
-    <div style="height: 8em;">
-      <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
-    </div>
-    <h1>
-      THAT PUP
-    </h1>
-    <h2>
-      By Ellis Parker Butler
-    </h2>
-    <h5>
-      Author Of Pigs Is Pigs, Kilo, Etc.
-    </h5>
-    <p>
-      <br />
-    </p>
-    <h4>
-      Illustrated
-    </h4>
-    <p>
-      <br /> <br />
-    </p>
-    <h5>
-      New York The McClure Company, MCMVII
-    </h5>
-    <div class="fig" style="width:80%;">
-      <img src="images/frontispiece.jpg" alt="frontispiece" width="100%" /><br />
-    </div>
-    <div class="fig" style="width:80%;">
-      <img src="images/titlepage.jpg" alt="titlepage" width="100%" /><br />
-    </div>
-    <p>
-      <br /><br />
-    </p>
-    <hr />
-    <p>
-      <br /><br />
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      <b>CONTENTS</b>
-    </p>
-    <p class="toc">
-      <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> I. THE EDUCATION OF FLUFF </a>
-    </p>
-    <p class="toc">
-      <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> II. GETTING RID OF FLUFF </a>
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      <br /><br />
-    </p>
-    <hr />
-    <p>
-      <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> </a>
-    </p>
-    <div style="height: 4em;">
-      <br /><br /><br /><br />
-    </div>
-    <h2>
-      I. THE EDUCATION OF FLUFF
-    </h2>
-    <p>
-      Murchison, who lives next door to me, wants to get rid of a dog, and if
-      you know of anyone who wants a dog I wish you would let Murchison know.
-      Murchison doesn't need it. He is tired of dogs, anyway. That is just like
-      Murchison. 'Way up in an enthusiasm one day and sick of it the next.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      Brownlee&mdash;Brownlee lives on the other side of Murchison&mdash;remembers
-      when Murchison got the dog. It was the queerest thing, so Murchison says,
-      you ever heard of. Here came the express wagon&mdash;Adams' Express
-      Company's wagon&mdash;and delivered the dog. The name was all right&mdash;&ldquo;C.
-      P. Murchison, Gallatin, Iowa&rdquo;&mdash;and the charges were paid. The charges
-      were $2.80, and paid, and the dog had been shipped from New York. Think of
-      that! Twelve hundred miles in a box, with a can of condensed milk tied to
-      the box and &ldquo;Please feed&rdquo; written on it.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      <br /><br />
-    </p>
-    <hr />
-    <p>
-      <a name="linkimage-0001" id="linkimage-0001"> </a>
-    </p>
-    <div class="fig" style="width:80%;">
-      <img src="images/frontispiece.jpg" alt="frontispiece" width="100%" /><br />
-    </div>
-    <p>
-      When Murchison came home to dinner, there was the dog. At first Murchison
-      was pleased; then he was surprised; then he was worried. He hadn't ordered
-      a dog. The more he thought about it the more he worried.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;If I could just <i>think</i> who sent it,&rdquo; he said to Brownlee, &ldquo;then I
-      would know who sent it; but I can't think. It is evidently a valuable dog.
-      I can see that. People don't send cheap, inferior dogs twelve hundred
-      miles. But I can't <i>think</i> who sent it.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;What worries me,&rdquo; he said to Brownlee another time, &ldquo;is who sent it. I
-      can't <i>imagine</i> who would send me a dog from New York. I know so many
-      people, and, like as not, some influential friend of mine has meant to
-      make me a nice present, and now he is probably mad because I haven't
-      acknowledged it. I'd like to know what he thinks of me about now!&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      It almost worried him sick. Murchison never did care for dogs, but when a
-      man is presented with a valuable dog, all the way from New York, with
-      $2.80 charges paid, he simply <i>has</i> to admire that dog. So Murchison
-      got into the habit of admiring the dog, and so did Mrs. Murchison. From
-      what they tell me, it was rather a nice dog in its infancy, for it was
-      only a pup then. Infant dogs have a habit of being pups.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      As near as I could gather from what Murchison and Mrs. Murchison told me,
-      it was a little, fluffy, yellow ball, with bright eyes and ever-moving
-      tail. It was the kind of a dog that bounces around like a rubber ball, and
-      eats the evening newspaper, and rolls down the porch steps with short,
-      little squawks of surprise, and lies down on its back with its four legs
-      in the air whenever a bigger dog comes near. In color it was something
-      like a camel, but a little redder where the hair was long, and its hair
-      was like beaver fur&mdash;soft and woolly inside, with a few long hairs
-      that were not so soft. It was so little and fluffy that Mrs. Murchison
-      called it Fluff. Pretty name for a soft, little dog is Fluff.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;If I only <i>knew</i> who sent that dog,&rdquo; Murchison used to say to
-      Brownlee, &ldquo;I would like to make some return. I'd send him a barrel of my
-      best melons, express paid, if it cost me five dollars!&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      Murchison was in the produce business, and he knew all about melons, but
-      not so much about dogs. Of course he could tell a dog from a cat, and a
-      few things of that sort, but Brownlee was the real dog man. Brownlee had
-      two Irish pointers or setters&mdash;I forget which they were; the black
-      dogs with the long, floppy ears. I don't know much about dogs myself. I
-      hate dogs.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      Brownlee knows a great deal about dogs. He isn't one of the book-taught
-      sort; he knows dogs by instinct. As soon as he sees a dog he can make a
-      guess at its breed, and out our way that is a pretty good test, for
-      Gallatin dogs are rather cosmopolitan. That is what makes good stock in
-      men&mdash;Scotch grandmother and German grandfather on one side and
-      English grandmother and Swedish grandfather on the other&mdash;and I don't
-      see why the same isn't true of dogs. There are numbers of dogs in Gallatin
-      that can trace their ancestry through nearly every breed of dog that ever
-      lived, and Brownlee can look at any one of them and immediately guess at
-      its formula&mdash;one part Spitz, three parts greyhound, two parts collie,
-      and so on. I have heard him guess more kinds of dog than I ever knew
-      existed.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      As soon as he saw Murchison's dog he guessed it was a pure bred Shepherd
-      with a trace of Eskimo. Massett, who thinks he knows as much about dogs as
-      Brownlee does, didn't believe it. The moment he saw the pup he said it was
-      a pedigree dog, half St. Bernard and half Spitz.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      Brownlee and Massett used to sit on Murchison's steps after supper and
-      point out the proofs to each other. They would argue for hours.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;All right, Massett,&rdquo; Brownlee would say, &ldquo;but you can't fool <i>me</i>. I
-      Look at that nose! If that isn't a Shepherd nose, I'll eat it. And see
-      that tail! Did you ever see a tail like that on a Spitz? That is an Eskimo
-      tail as sure as I am a foot high.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Tail fiddlesticks!&rdquo; Massett would reply. &ldquo;You can't tell anything by a
-      pup's tail. Look at his ears! <i>There</i> is St. Bernard for you! And see
-      his lower jaw. Isn't that Spitz? I'll leave it to Murchison. Isn't that
-      lower jaw Spitz, Murchison?&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      Then all three would tackle the puppy and open its mouth and feel its jaw,
-      and the pup would wriggle and squeak, and back away, opening and shutting
-      its mouth to see if its works had been damaged.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;All right!&rdquo; Brownlee would say. &ldquo;You wait a year or two and you'll see!&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      About three months later the pup was as big as an ordinary full-grown dog,
-      and his coat looked like a compromise between a calfskin and one of these
-      hairbrush door mats you use to wipe your feet on in muddy weather. He did
-      not look like the same pup. He was long limbed and awkward and useless,
-      and homely as a shopworn fifty-cent yellow plush manicure set. Murchison
-      began to feel that he didn't really need a dog, but Brownlee was as
-      enthusiastic as ever. He would go over to Murchison's fairly oozing dog
-      knowledge.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;I'll tell you what that dog is,&rdquo; he would say. &ldquo;That dog is a cross
-      between a Great Dane and an English Deerhound. You've got a very valuable
-      dog there, Murchison, a very valuable dog. He comes of fine stock on both
-      sides, and it is a cross you don't often see. I never saw it, and I've
-      seen all kinds of crossed dogs.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      Then Massett would drop in and walk around the dog admiringly for a few
-      minutes and absorb his beauties.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Murchison,&rdquo; he would say, &ldquo;do you know what that dog is? That dog is a
-      pure cross between a Siberian wolfhound and a Newfoundland. You treat that
-      dog right and you'll have a fortune in him. Why, a pure Siberian wolfhound
-      is worth a thousand dollars, and a good&mdash;a really good Newfoundland,
-      mind you&mdash;is worth two thousand, and you've got both in one dog.
-      That's three thousand dollars' worth of dog!&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      In the next six months Fluff grew. He broadened out and lengthened and
-      heightened, and every day or two Brownlee or Massett would discover a new
-      strain of dog in him. They pointed out to Murchison all the marks by which
-      he could tell the different kinds of dog that were combined in Fluff, and
-      every time they discovered a new one they held a sort of jubilee, and
-      bragged and swelled their chests. They seemed to spend all their time
-      thinking up odd and strange kinds of dog that Fluff had in him. Brownlee
-      discovered the traces of Cuban bloodhound, Kamtchatka hound, beagle,
-      Brague de Bengale, and Thibet mastiff, but Massett first traced the
-      stag-hound, Turkoman watchdog, Dachshund, and Harrier in him.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      <br /><br />
-    </p>
-    <hr />
-    <p>
-      <a name="linkimage-0002" id="linkimage-0002"> </a>
-    </p>
-    <div class="fig" style="width:80%;">
-      <img src="images/26.jpg" alt="26" width="100%" /><br />
-    </div>
-    <p>
-      Murchison, not being a doggish man, never claimed to have noticed any of
-      these family resemblances, and never said what he thought the dog really
-      was until a month or two later, when he gave it as his opinion that the
-      dog was a cross between a wolf, a Shetland pony, and hyena. It was about
-      that time that Fluff had to be chained. He had begun to eat other dogs,
-      and children and chickens. The first night Murchison chained him to his
-      kennel Fluff walked half a mile, taking the kennel along, and then only
-      stopped because the kennel got tangled with a lamp-post. The man who
-      brought him home claimed that Fluff was nearly asphyxiated when he found
-      him; said he gnawed half through the lamp-post, and that gas got in his
-      lungs, but this was not true. Murchison learned afterwards that it was
-      only a gasoline lamp-post, and a wooden one.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;If there were only some stags around this part of the country,&rdquo; said
-      Massett, &ldquo;the stag-hound strain in that dog would be mighty valuable. You
-      could rent him out to everybody who wanted to go stag hunting; and you'd
-      have a regular monopoly, because he's the only staghound in this part of
-      the country. And stag hunting would be popular, too, out here, because
-      there are no game laws that interfere with stag hunting in this State.
-      There is no closed season. People could hunt stags all the year round, and
-      you'd have that dog busy every day of the year.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Yes!&rdquo; sneered Brownlee, &ldquo;only there are no stags. And he hasn't any
-      staghound blood in him. Pity there are no Dachs in this State, too, isn't
-      it? Then Murchison could hire his dog at night, too. They hunt Dachs at
-      night, don't they, Massett? Only there is no Dachshund blood in him,
-      either. If there was, and if there were a few Dachs-&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      Massett was mad.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Yes!&rdquo; he cried. &ldquo;And you, with your Cuban bloodhound strain! I suppose if
-      it was the open season for Cubans, you'd go out with the dog and tree a
-      few! Or put on snowshoes and follow the Kamtchat to his icy lair!&rdquo;
-       Brownlee doesn't get mad easily.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Murchison,&rdquo; he said, &ldquo;leaving out Mas-sett's dreary nonsense about
-      staghounds, I can tell you that dog would make the finest duck dog in the
-      State. He's got all the points for a good duck dog, and I ought to know
-      for I have two of the best duck dogs that ever lived. All he needs is
-      training. If you will train him right you'll have a mighty valuable dog.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;But I don't hunt ducks,&rdquo; said Murchison, &ldquo;and I don't know how to train
-      even a lap-dog.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;You let me attend to his education,&rdquo; said Brownlee. &ldquo;I just want to show
-      Massett here that I know a dog when I see one. I'll show Massett the
-      finest duck dog he ever saw when I get through with Fluff.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      So he went over and got his shotgun, just to give Fluff his first lesson.
-      The first thing a duck dog must learn is not to be afraid of a gun, and
-      Brownlee said that if a dog first learned about guns right at his home he
-      was not so apt to be afraid of them. He said that if a dog heard a gun for
-      the first time when he was away from home and in strange surroundings he
-      was quite right to be surprised and startled, but if he heard it in the
-      bosom of his family, with all his friends calmly seated about, he would
-      think it was a natural thing, and accept it as such.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      So Brownlee put a shell in his gun and Mas-sett and Murchison sat on the
-      porch steps and pretended to be uninterested and normal, and Brownlee
-      stood up and aimed the gun in the air. Fluff was eating a bone, but
-      Brownlee spoke to him and he looked up, and Brownlee pulled the trigger.
-      It seemed about five minutes before Fluff struck the ground, he jumped so
-      high when the gun was fired, and then he started north by northeast at
-      about sixty miles an hour. He came back all right, three weeks later, but
-      his tail was still between his legs.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      <br /><br />
-    </p>
-    <hr />
-    <p>
-      <a name="linkimage-0003" id="linkimage-0003"> </a>
-    </p>
-    <div class="fig" style="width:80%;">
-      <img src="images/32.jpg" alt="32" width="100%" /><br />
-    </div>
-    <p>
-      Brownlee didn't feel the least discouraged. He said he saw now that the
-      whole principle of what he had done was wrong; that no dog with any brains
-      whatever could be anything but frightened to hear a gun shot off right in
-      the bosom of his family. That was no place to fire a gun. He said Fluff
-      evidently thought the whole lot of us were crazy, and ran in fear of his
-      life, thinking we were insane and might shoot him next. He said the thing
-      to do was to take the shotgun into its natural surroundings and let Fluff
-      learn to love it there. He pictured Fluff enjoying the sound of the gun
-      when he heard it at the edge of the lake.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      Murchison never hunted ducks, but as Fluff was his dog, he went with
-      Brownlee, and of course Massett went. Massett wanted to see the failure.
-      He said he wished stags were as plentiful as ducks, and he would show
-      Brownlee!
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      Fluff was a strong dog&mdash;he seemed to have a strain of ox in him, so
-      far as strength went&mdash;and as long as he saw the gun he insisted that
-      he would stay at home; but when Brownlee wrapped the gun in brown paper so
-      it looked like a big parcel from the meat shop, the horse that they had
-      hitched to the buck-board was able to drag Fluff along without straining
-      itself. Fluff was fastened to the rear axle with a chain.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      When they reached Duck Lake, Brownlee untied Fluff and patted him, and
-      then unwrapped the gun. Fluff gave one pained glance and made the six-mile
-      run home in seven minutes without stopping. He was home before Brownlee
-      could think of anything to say, and he went so far into his kennel that
-      Murchison had to take off the boards at the back to find him that night.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;That's nothing,&rdquo; was what Brownlee said when he did speak; &ldquo;young dogs
-      are often that way. Gun fright. They have to be gun broken. You come out
-      to-morrow, and I'll show you how a man who really knows how to handle a
-      dog does the trick.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      The next day, when Fluff saw the buck-board he went into his kennel, and
-      they couldn't pry him out with the hoe-handle. He connected buckboards and
-      guns in his mind, so Brownlee borrowed the butcher's delivery wagon, and
-      they drove to Wild Lake. It was seven miles, but Fluff seemed more willing
-      to go in that direction than toward Duck Lake. He did not seem to care to
-      go to Duck Lake at all.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Now, then,&rdquo; said Brownlee, &ldquo;I'll show you the intelligent way to handle a
-      dog. I'll prove to him that he has nothing to fear, that I am his comrade
-      and friend. And at the same time,&rdquo; he said, &ldquo;I'll not have him running off
-      home and spoiling our day's sport.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      So he took the chain and fastened it around his waist, and then he sat
-      down and talked to Fluff like an old friend, and got him in a playful
-      mood. Then he had Murchison get the gun out of the wagon and lay it on the
-      ground about twenty feet off. It was wrapped in brown paper.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      Brownlee talked to Fluff and told him what fine sport duck hunting is, and
-      then, as if by chance, he got on his hands and knees and crawled toward
-      the gun. Fluff hung back a little, but the chain just coaxed him a little,
-      too, and they edged up to the gun, and Brownlee pretended to discover it
-      unexpectedly.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Well, well!&rdquo; he said. &ldquo;What's this?&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      Fluff nosed up to it and sniffed it, and then went at it as if it was
-      Massett's cat. That Brownlee had wrapped a beefsteak around the gun,
-      inside the paper, and Fluff tore off the paper and ate the steak, and
-      Brownlee winked at Murchison.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;I declare,&rdquo; he said, &ldquo;if here isn't a gun! Look at this, Fluff&mdash;a
-      gun! Gosh! but we are in luck!&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      Would you believe it, that dog sniffed at the gun, and did not fear it in
-      the least? You could have hit him on the head with it and he would not
-      have minded it. He never did mind being hit with small things like guns
-      and ax handles.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      Brownlee got up and stood erect.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;You see!&rdquo; he said proudly. &ldquo;All a man needs with a dog like this is
-      intelligence. A dog is like a horse. He wants his reason appealed to. Now,
-      if I fire the gun, he may be a little startled, but I have created a faith
-      in me in him. He knows there is nothing dangerous in a gun <i>as</i> a
-      gun. He knows I am not afraid of it, so he is not afraid. He realizes that
-      we are chained together, and that proves to him that he need not run
-      unless I run. Now watch.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      Brownlee fired the shotgun.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      Instantly he started for home. He did not start lazily, like a boy
-      starting to the wood pile, but went promptly and with a dash. His first
-      jump was only ten feet, and we heard him grunt as he landed, but after
-      that he got into his stride and made fourteen feet each jump. He was bent
-      forward a good deal in the middle, where the chain was, and in many ways
-      he was not as graceful as a professional cinder-path track runner, but, in
-      running, the main thing is to cover the ground rapidly. Brownlee did that.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      Massett said it was a bad start. He said it was all right to start a
-      hundred-yard dash that way, but for a long-distance run&mdash;a run of
-      seven miles across country&mdash;the start was too impetuous; that it
-      showed a lack of generalship, and that when it came to the finish the
-      affair would be tame; but it wasn't.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      Brownlee said afterwards that there wasn't a tame moment in the entire
-      seven miles. It was rather more wild than tame. He felt right from the
-      start that the finish would be sensational, unless the chain cut him quite
-      in two, and it didn't. He said that when the chain had cut as far as his
-      spinal column it could go no farther, and it stopped and clung there, but
-      it was the only thing that did stop, except his breath. It was several
-      years later that I first met Brownlee, and he was still breathing hard,
-      like a man who has just been running rapidly. Brownlee says when he shuts
-      his eyes his legs still seem to be going.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      The first mile was through underbrush, and that was lucky, for the
-      underbrush removed most of Brownlee's clothing, and put him in better
-      running weight, but at the mile and a quarter they struck the road. He
-      said at two miles he thought he might be overexercising the dog and maybe
-      he had better stop, but the dog seemed anxious to get home so he didn't
-      stop there. He said that at three miles he was sure the dog was overdoing,
-      and that with his knowledge of dogs he was perfectly able to stop a
-      running dog in its own length if he could speak to it, but he couldn't
-      speak to this dog for two reasons. One was that he couldn't overtake the
-      dog and the other was that all the speak was yanked out of him.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      When they reached five miles the dog seemed to think they were taking too
-      much time to get home, and let out a few more laps of speed, and it was
-      right there that Brownlee decided that Fluff had some greyhound blood in
-      him.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      He said that when they reached town he felt as if he would have been glad
-      to stop at his own house and lie down for awhile, but the dog didn't want
-      to, and so they went on; but that he ought to be thankful that the dog was
-      willing to stop at that town at all. The next town was twelve miles
-      farther on, and the roads were bad. But the dog turned into Murchison's
-      yard and went right into his kennel.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      When Murchison and Massett got home, an hour or so later, after driving
-      the horse all the way at a gallop, they found old Gregg, the carpenter,
-      prying the roof off the kennel. You see, Murchison had knocked the rear
-      out of the kennel the day before, and so when the dog aimed for the front
-      he went straight through, and as Brownlee was built more perpendicular
-      than the dog, Brownlee didn't go quite through. He went in something like
-      doubling up a dollar bill to put it into a thimble. I don't suppose anyone
-      would want to double up a dollar bill to put it into a thimble, but
-      neither did Brownlee want to be doubled up and put into the kennel. It was
-      the dog's thought. So they had to take the kennel roof off.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      When they got Brownlee out they laid him on the grass, and covered him up
-      with a porch rug, and let him lie there a couple of hours to pant, for
-      that seemed what he wanted to do just then. It was the longest period
-      Brownlee ever spent awake without talking about dog.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      Murchison and Massett and old Gregg and twenty-six informal guests stood
-      around and gazed at Brownlee panting. Presently Brownlee was able to gasp
-      out a few words.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Murchison,&rdquo; he gasped, &ldquo;Murchison, if you just had that dog in Florence&mdash;or
-      wherever it is they race dogs&mdash;you'd have a fortune.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      He panted awhile, and then gasped out:
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;He's a great runner; a phenomenal runner!&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      He had to pant more, and then he gasped with pride:
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;But I wasn't three feet behind him all the way!&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      <br /><br />
-    </p>
-    <hr />
-    <p>
-      <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> </a>
-    </p>
-    <div style="height: 4em;">
-      <br /><br /><br /><br />
-    </div>
-    <h2>
-      II. GETTING RID OF FLUFF
-    </h2>
-    <p>
-      So after that Murchison decided to get rid of Fluff. He told me that he
-      had never really-wanted a dog, anyway, but that when a dog is sent, all
-      the way from New York, anonymously, with $2.80 charges paid, it is hard to
-      cast the dog out into the cold world without giving it a trial. So
-      Murchison tried the dog for a few more years, and at last he decided he
-      would have to get rid of him. He came over and spoke to me about it,
-      because I had just moved in next door.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Do you like dogs?&rdquo; he asked, and that was the first word of conversation
-      I ever had with Murchison. I told him frankly that I did not like dogs,
-      and that my wife did not like them, and Murchison seemed more pleased than
-      if I had offered him a thousand dollars.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Now, I am glad of that,&rdquo; he said, &ldquo;for Mrs. Murchison and I hate dogs. If
-      you do not like dogs, I will get rid of Fluff. I made up my mind several
-      years ago to get rid of Fluff, but when I heard you were going to move
-      into this house, I decided not to get rid of him until I knew whether you
-      liked dogs or not. I told Mrs. Murchison that if we got rid of Fluff
-      before you came, and then found that you loved dogs and owned one, you
-      might take our getting rid of Fluff as a hint that your dog was
-      distasteful to us, and it might hurt your feelings. And Mrs. Murchison
-      said that if you had a dog, your dog might feel lonely in a strange place
-      and might like to have Fluff to play with until your dog got used to the
-      neighborhood. So we did not get rid of him; but if you do not like dogs we
-      will get rid of him right away.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      I told Murchison that I saw he was the kind of a neighbor a man liked to
-      have, and that it was kind of him to offer to get rid of Fluff, but that
-      he mustn't do so just on our account.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      I said that if he wanted to keep the dog, he had better do so.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Now, that is kind of you,&rdquo; said Murchison, &ldquo;but we would really rather
-      get rid of him. I decided several years ago that I would get rid of him,
-      but Brownlee likes dogs, and took an interest in Fluff, and wanted to make
-      a bird dog of him, so we kept Fluff for his sake. But now Brownlee is
-      tired of making a bird dog of him. He says Fluff is too strong to make a
-      good bird dog, and not strong enough to rent out as a horse, and he is
-      willing I should get rid of him. He says he is anxious for me to get rid
-      of him as soon as I can.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      When I saw Fluff I agreed with Brownlee. At the first glance I saw that
-      Fluff was a failure as a dog, and that to make a good camel he needed a
-      shorter neck and more hump, but he had the general appearance of an
-      amateur camel. He looked as if some one who had never seen a dog, but had
-      heard of one, had started out to make a dog, and got to thinking of a
-      camel every once in a while, and had tried to show me Fluff that day
-      worked in parts of what he thought a camel was like with what he thought a
-      dog was like, and then&mdash;when the job was about done&mdash;had decided
-      it was a failure, and had just finished it up any way, sticking on the
-      meanest and cheapest hair he could find, and getting most of it on wrong
-      side to.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      But the cheap hair did not matter much. Murchison and Brownlee showed me
-      the place where Fluff had worn most of it off the ridge pole of his back
-      crawling under the porch. He tried to show me Fluff that day, but it was
-      so dark under the porch that I could not tell which was Fluff and which
-      was simply underneathness of porch. But from what Brownlee told me that
-      day, I knew that Fluff had suffered a permanent dislocation of the
-      spirits. He told me he had taken Fluff out to make a duck dog of him, and
-      that all the duck Fluff was interested in was to duck when he saw a gun,
-      and that after he had heard a gun fired once or twice he had become sad
-      and dejected, and had acquired a permanently ingrowing tail, and an
-      expression of face like a coyote, but more mournful. He had acquired a
-      habit of carrying his head down and forward, as if he was about to lay it
-      on the headsman's block, and knew he deserved that and more, and the
-      sooner it was over the better. He couldn't even scratch fleas correctly.
-      Brownlee said that when he met a flea in the road he would not even go
-      around it, but would stoop down like a camel to let the flea get aboard.
-      He was that kind of a dog. He was the most discouraged dog I ever knew.
-    </p>
-    <div class="fig" style="width:80%;">
-      <img src="images/46.jpg" alt="46" width="100%" /><br />
-    </div>
-    <p>
-      The next day I was putting down the carpet in the back bedroom, when in
-      came Murchison.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;I came over to speak to you about Fluff,&rdquo; he said. &ldquo;I am afraid he must
-      have annoyed you last night. I suppose you heard him howl?&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Yes, Murchison,&rdquo; I said, &ldquo;I did hear him. I never knew a dog could howl
-      so loud and long as that. He must have been very ill.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Oh, no!&rdquo; said Murchison cheerfully. &ldquo;That is the way he always howls.
-      That is one of the reasons I have decided to get rid of Fluff. But it is a
-      great deal worse for us than it is for you. The air inlet of our furnace
-      is at the side of the house just where Fluff puts his head when he howls,
-      and the register in our room is right at the head of our bed. So his howl
-      goes in at the inlet and down through the furnace and up the furnace
-      pipes, and is delivered right in our room, just as clear and strong as if
-      he was in the room. That is one reason I have fully decided to get rid of
-      Fluff. It would not be so bad if we had only one register in our house,
-      but we have ten, and when Fluff howls, his voice is delivered by all ten
-      registers, so it is just as if we had ten Fluffs in the house at one time.
-      And ten howls like Fluff's are too much. Even Brownlee says so.&rdquo; I told
-      Murchison that I agreed with Brownlee perfectly. Fluff had a bad howl. It
-      sounded as if Cruel Fate, with spikes in his shoes, had stepped on Fluff's
-      inmost soul, and then jogged up and down on the tenderest spot, and Fluff
-      was trying to reproduce his feelings in vocal exercises. It sounded like a
-      cheap phonograph giving a symphony in the key of woe minor, with a
-      megaphone attachment and bad places in the record. Judging by his voice,
-      the machine needed a new needle. But the megaphone attachment was all
-      right.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      Brownlee&mdash;who knows all about dogs&mdash;said that he knew what was
-      the matter with Fluff. He said Fluff had a very high-grade musical
-      temperament, and that he longed to be the Caruso of dogs. He said that he
-      could see that all through his bright and hopeful puppyhood he had looked
-      forward to being a great singer, with a Wagner repertoire and tremolo
-      stops in his song organ, and that he had early set his aim at perfection.
-      He said Fluff was that kind of a dog, and that when he saw what his voice
-      had turned out to be he was dissatisfied, and became morbid. He said that
-      any dog that had a voice like Fluff's had a right to be dissatisfied with
-      it&mdash;he would be dissatisfied himself with that voice. He said he did
-      not wonder that Fluff slunk around all day, feeling he was no good on
-      earth, and that he could understand that when night came and everything
-      was still, so that Fluff could judge of the purity of his tonal quality
-      better, he would pull out his voice, and tune it up and look it over and
-      try it again, hoping it had improved since he tried it last. Brownlee said
-      it never had improved, and that was what made Fluff's howl so mournful&mdash;it
-      was full of tears. He said Fluff would go to G flat and B flat and D flat,
-      and so on until he struck a note he felt he was pretty good at, and then
-      he would cling to that note and weep it full of tears.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      <br /><br />
-    </p>
-    <hr />
-    <p>
-      <a name="linkimage-0005" id="linkimage-0005"> </a>
-    </p>
-    <div class="fig" style="width:80%;">
-      <img src="images/52.jpg" alt="52" width="100%" /><br />
-    </div>
-    <p>
-      He asked Murchison if he hadn't noticed that the howl was sort of damp and
-      salty from the tears, but Murchison said he hadn't noticed the dampness.
-      He said it probably got dried out of the howl before it readied him,
-      coming through the furnace. Then Brownlee said that if there was only some
-      way of regulating Fluff, so that he could be turned on and off, Murchison
-      would have a fortune in him: he could turn his howl off when people wanted
-      to be cheerful, and then, when a time of great national woe occurred,
-      Murchison could turn Fluff on and set him going. He said he never heard
-      anything in his life that came so near expressing in sound a great
-      national woe as Fluff's howl did. He said Fluff might lack finish in tonal
-      quality, but that in woe quality he was a master: he was stuffed so full
-      of woe quality that it oozed out of his pores. He said he always thought
-      what a pity it was for dogs like Fluff that people preferred cheerful
-      songs like &ldquo;Annie Rooney&rdquo; and &ldquo;Waltz me around again, Willie&rdquo; to the
-      nobler woe operas. He said he had tried to like good music himself, but it
-      was no use: whenever he heard Fluff sing, he felt that Murchison ought to
-      get rid of Fluff. Then Murchison said that was just what he was going to
-      do. What he wanted to talk about was how to get rid of Fluff.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      But I am getting too far ahead of my story. Whenever I get to talking
-      about the howl of Fluff, I find I wander on for hours at a time.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      It takes hours of talk to explain just what a mean howl Fluff had.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      But as I was saying, Murchison came over while I was putting down the
-      carpet in my back bedroom, and told me he had fully decided to get rid of
-      Fluff.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;I have fully decided to get rid of him,&rdquo; he said, &ldquo;and the only thing
-      that bothers me is how to get rid of him.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Give him away,&rdquo; I suggested.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;That's a good idea!&rdquo; said Murchison gratefully. &ldquo;That's the very idea
-      that occurred to me when I first thought of getting rid of Fluff. It is an
-      idea that just matches Fluff all over. That is just the kind of dog Fluff
-      is. If ever a dog was made to give away, Fluff was made for it. The more I
-      think about him and look at him and study him, the surer I am that the
-      only thing he is good for is to give away.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      Then he shook his head and sighed.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;The only trouble,&rdquo; he said, &ldquo;is that Fluff <i>is</i> the give-away kind
-      of dog. That is the only kind you can't give away. There is only one time
-      of the year that a person can make presents of things that are good for
-      nothing but to give away, and that is at Christmas. Now, I might&mdash;&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Murchison,&rdquo; I said, laying my tack hammer on the floor and standing up,
-      &ldquo;you don't mean to keep that infernal, howling beast until Christmas, do
-      you? If you do, I shall stop putting down this carpet. I shall pull out
-      the tacks that are already in and move elsewhere. Why, this is only the
-      first of May, and if I have to sleep&mdash;if I have to keep awake every
-      night and listen to that animated foghorn drag his raw soul over the teeth
-      of a rusty harrow&mdash;I shall go crazy. Can't you think of some one that
-      is going to have a birthday sooner than that?&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;I wish I could,&rdquo; said Murchison wistfully, &ldquo;but I can't. I want to get
-      rid of Fluff, and so does Brownlee, and so does Massett, but I can't think
-      of a way to get rid of him, and neither can they.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Murchison,&rdquo; I said, with some asperity, for I hate a man who trifles, &ldquo;if
-      I really thought you and Brownlee and Massett were as stupid as all that,
-      I would be sorry I moved into this neighborhood, but I don't believe it. I
-      believe you do not mean to get rid of Fluff. I believe you and Brownlee
-      and Massett want to keep him. If you wanted to get rid of him, you could
-      do it the same way you got him.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;That's an excellent idea!&rdquo; exclaimed Murchison. &ldquo;That is one of the best
-      ideas I ever heard, and I would go and do it if I hadn't done it so often
-      already. As soon as Brownlee suggested that idea I did it. I sent Fluff by
-      express to a man&mdash;to John Smith&mdash;at Worcester, Mass., and when
-      Fluff came back I had to pay $8.55 charges. But I didn't begrudge the
-      money. The trip did Fluff a world of good&mdash;it strengthened his voice,
-      and made him broader-minded. I tell you,&rdquo; he said enthusiastically,
-      &ldquo;there's nothing like travel for broadening the mind! Look at Fluff! Maybe
-      he don't show it, but that dog's mind is so broadened by travel that if he
-      was turned loose in Alaska he would find his way home. When I found his
-      mind was getting so tremendously broad I stopped sending him to places.
-      Brownlee&mdash;Brownlee knows all about dogs&mdash;said it would not hurt
-      Fluff a bit; he said a dog's mind could not get too broad, and that as far
-      as he was concerned he would just like to see once how broad-minded a dog
-      could become; he would like to have Fluff sent out by express every time
-      he came back. He told me it was an interesting experiment&mdash;that so
-      far as he knew it had never been tried before&mdash;and that the thing I
-      ought to do was to keep Fluff traveling all the time. He said that so far
-      as he knew it was the only way to get rid of Fluff; that some time while
-      he was traveling around in the express car there might be a wreck, and we
-      would be rid of Fluff; and if there wasn't a wreck, it would be
-      interesting to see what effect constant travel would have on a coarse dog.
-      He said I might find after a year or two that I had the most cultured dog
-      in the United States. Brownlee was willing to have me send Fluff anywhere.
-      He suggested a lot of good places to send dogs, but he didn't care enough
-      about dog culture to help pay the express charges.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;I see, Murchison,&rdquo; I said scornfully, &ldquo;I see! You are the kind of a man
-      who would let a little money stand between you and getting rid of a dog
-      like Fluff! If I had a dog like Fluff, nothing in the world could prevent
-      me from getting rid of him. I only wish, he was my dog.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Take him!&rdquo; said Murchison generously; &ldquo;I make you a full and free present
-      of him. You can have that dog absolutely and wholly. He is yours.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;I will take the dog,&rdquo; I said haughtily, &ldquo;not because I really want a dog,
-      nor because I hanker for that particular dog, but because I can see that
-      you and Brownlee and Massett have been trifling with him. Bring him over
-      in my yard, and I will show you in very short measure how to get rid of
-      Fluff.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      That afternoon both Brownlee and Massett called on me. They came and sat
-      on my porch steps, and Murchison came and sat with them, and all three sat
-      and looked at Fluff and talked him over. Every few minutes they would&mdash;Brownlee
-      and Massett would&mdash;get up and shake hands with Murchison, and
-      congratulate him on having gotten rid of Fluff, and Murchison would blush
-      modestly and say:
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Oh, that is nothing! I always knew I would get rid of him.&rdquo; And there was
-      the dog not five feet from them, tied to my lawn hydrant. I watched and
-      listened to them until I had had enough of it, and then I went into the
-      house and got my shotgun. I loaded it with a good BB shell and went out.
-    </p>
-    <div class="fig" style="width:80%;">
-      <img src="images/62.jpg" alt="62" width="100%" /><br />
-    </div>
-    <p>
-      Fluff saw me first. I never saw a dog exhibit such intelligence as Fluff
-      exhibited right then. I suppose travel had broadened him, and probably the
-      hydrant was old and rusted out, anyway. When a man moves into a house he
-      ought to have <i>all</i> the plumbing attended to the first thing. Any
-      ordinary, unbroadened dog would have lain down and pulled, but Fluff
-      didn't. First he jumped six feet straight into the air, and that pulled
-      the four feet of hydrant pipe up by the roots, and then he went away. He
-      took the hydrant and the pipe with him, and that might have surprised me,
-      but I saw that he did not know where he was going nor how long he would
-      stay there when he reached the place, and a dog can never tell what will
-      come handy when he is away from home. A hydrant and a piece of iron pipe
-      might be the very thing he would need. So he took them along.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      If I had wanted a fountain in my front yard, I could not have got one half
-      as quickly as Fluff furnished that one, and I would never have thought of
-      pulling out the hydrant to make me one. Fluff thought of that&mdash;at
-      least Brownlee said he thought of it&mdash;but I think all Fluff wanted
-      was to get away. And he got away, and the fountain didn't happen to be
-      attached to the hydrant, so he left it behind. If it had been attached to
-      the hydrant, he would have taken it with him. He was a strong dog.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;There!&rdquo; said Brownlee, when we had heard the pipe rattle across the
-      Eighth Street bridge&mdash;&ldquo;there is intelligence for you! You ought to be
-      grateful to that dog all your life. <i>You</i> didn't know it was against
-      the law to discharge a gun in the city limits, but Fluff did, and he
-      wouldn't wait to see you get into trouble. He has heard us talking about
-      it, Murchison. I tell you travel has broadened that dog! Look what he has
-      saved you,&rdquo; he said to me, &ldquo;by going away at just the psychological
-      moment. We should have told you about not firing a gun in the city limits.
-      You can't get rid of Fluff that way. It is against the law.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said Massett; &ldquo;and if you knew Fluff as well as we do you would
-      know that he is a dog you can't shoot. He is a wonderful dog. He knows all
-      about guns. Brownlee tried to make a duck dog out of him, and took him out
-      where the ducks were&mdash;showed him the ducks&mdash;shot a gun at the
-      ducks&mdash;and what do you think that dog learned?&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;To run,&rdquo; I said, for I had heard about Brownlee teaching Fluff to
-      retrieve. Brownlee blushed.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said Massett, &ldquo;but that wasn't all. It doesn't take intelligence to
-      make a dog run when he sees a gun, but Fluff did not run like an ordinary
-      dog. He saw the gun and he saw the ducks, and he saw that Brownlee only
-      shot at ducks when they were on the wing. And he thought Brownlee meant to
-      shoot him, so what does he do? Stand still? No; he tries to fly. Gets
-      right up and tries to fly. He thought that was what Brownlee was trying to
-      teach him. He couldn't fly, but he did his best. So whenever Fluff sees a
-      gun, he is on the wing, so to speak. You noticed he was on the wing,
-      didn't you?&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      I told him I had noticed it. I said that as far as I could judge, Fluff
-      had a good strong wing. I said I didn't mind losing a little thing like a
-      hydrant and a length or two of pipe, but I was glad I hadn't fastened
-      Fluff to the house&mdash;I always liked my house to have a cellar&mdash;-and
-      it would be just like Fluff to stop flying at some place where there
-      wasn't any cellar.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Oh,&rdquo; said Massett, &ldquo;he wouldn't have gone far with the house. A house is
-      a great deal heavier than a hydrant. He would probably have moved the
-      house off the foundation a little, but, judging by the direction Fluff
-      took, the house would have wedged between those two trees, and you would
-      have only lost a piece of the porch, or whatever he was tied to. But the
-      lesson is that you must not try to shoot Fluff unless you are a good wing
-      shot. Unless you can shoot like Davy Crockett, you would be apt to wound
-      Fluff without killing him, and then there <i>would</i> be trouble!&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said Murchison, &ldquo;the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals folks. There
-      is only one way in which a dog can be killed according to law in this
-      place, and that is to have the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals folks do
-      it. You send them a letter telling them you have a dog you want killed,
-      and asking them to come and kill it. That is according to law.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;That,&rdquo; I said firmly, &ldquo;is what I will do.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;It won't do any good,&rdquo; said Murchison sadly; &ldquo;they never come. This
-      addition to Gallatin is too far from their offices to be handy, and they
-      never come. I have eighteen deaths for Fluff on file at their offices
-      already, and not one of them has killed him. When you have had as much
-      experience with dogs as I have had you will know that the Prevention of
-      Cruelty to them in this town does not include killing them when they live
-      in the suburbs. The only way a dog can die in the suburbs of Gallatin is
-      to die of old age.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;How old is Fluff?&rdquo; I asked.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Fluff is a young dog,&rdquo; said Brownlee. &ldquo;If he had an ordinary dog
-      constitution, he would live fifteen years yet, but he hasn't. He has an
-      extra strong constitution, and I should say he was good for twenty years
-      more. But that isn't what we came over for. We came over to learn how you
-      mean to get rid of Fluff.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Brownlee,&rdquo; I said, &ldquo;I shall think up some way to get rid of Fluff.
-      Getting rid of a dog is no task for a mind like mine. But until he returns
-      and gives me back my hydrant, I shall do nothing further. I am not going
-      to bother about getting rid of a dog that is not here to be got rid of.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      By the time Fluff returned I had thought out a plan. Murchison had never
-      paid the dog tax on Fluff, and that was the same as condemning him to
-      death if he was ever caught outside of the yard, but when he was outside
-      he could not be caught. He was a hasty mover, and little things such as
-      closed gates never prevented him from entering the yard when in haste.
-      When he did not jump over he could get right through a fence. But to a man
-      of my ability these things are trifles. I knew how to get rid of Fluff. I
-      knew how to have him caught in the street without a license. I chained him
-      there.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      Brownlee and Massett and Murchison came and watched me do it. Our street
-      is not much used, and the big stake I drove in the street was not much in
-      the way of passing grocery delivery wagons. I fastened Fluff to the stake
-      with a chain, and then I wrote to the city authorities and complained. I
-      said there was a dog without a license that was continually in front of my
-      house, and I wished it removed; and a week or so later the dog-catcher
-      came around and had a look at Fluff: He walked all around him while
-      Massett and Brownlee and Murchison and I leaned over our gates and looked
-      on. He was not at all what I should have expected a dog-catcher to be,
-      being thin and rather gentlemanly in appearance; and after he had looked
-      Fluff over well he came over and spoke to me. He asked me if Fluff was my
-      dog. I said he was.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;I see!&rdquo; said the dog-catcher. &ldquo;And you want to get rid of him. If he was
-      my dog, I would want to get rid of him, too. I have seen lots of dogs, but
-      I never saw one that was like this, and I do not blame you for wanting to
-      part with him. I have had my eye on him for several years, but this is the
-      first opportunity I have had to approach him. Now, however, he seems to
-      have broken all the dog laws. He has not secured a license, and he is in
-      the public highway. It will be my duty to take him up and gently
-      chloroform him as soon as I make sure of one thing.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Tell me what it is,&rdquo; I said, &ldquo;and I will help you make sure of ft.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Thank you,&rdquo; he said, &ldquo;but I will attend to it,&rdquo; and with that he got on
-      his wagon and drove off. He returned in about an hour.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;I came back,&rdquo; he said, &ldquo;not because my legal duty compels me, but because
-      I knew you would be anxious. If I owned a dog like that, I would be
-      anxious, too. I can't take that dog.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Why not?&rdquo; we all asked.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Because,&rdquo; he said, &ldquo;I have been down to the city hall, and I have looked
-      up the records, and I find that the streets of this addition to the city
-      have not been accepted by the city. The titles to the property are so made
-      out that until the city legally accepts the streets, each property owner
-      owns to the middle of the street fronting his property. If you will step
-      out and look, you will see that the dog is on your own property.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      <br /><br />
-    </p>
-    <hr />
-    <p>
-      <a name="linkimage-0007" id="linkimage-0007"> </a>
-    </p>
-    <div class="fig" style="width:80%;">
-      <img src="images/72.jpg" alt="72" width="100%" /><br />
-    </div>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;If that is all,&rdquo; I said, &ldquo;I will move the stake. I will put him on the
-      other side of the street.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;If you would like him any better there,&rdquo; said the dog-catcher, &ldquo;you can
-      move him, but it would make no difference to me. Then he would be on the
-      private property of the man who owns the property across the street.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;But, my good man,&rdquo; I said, &ldquo;how <i>is</i> a man to get rid of a dog he
-      does not want?&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      The dog-catcher frowned.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;That,&rdquo; he said, &ldquo;seems to be one of the things our lawmakers have not
-      thought of. But whatever you do, I advise you to be careful. Do not try
-      any underhand methods, for now that my attention has been called to the
-      dog, I shall have to watch his future and see that he is not badly used. I
-      am an officer of the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals as well as a
-      dog-catcher, and I warn you to be careful what you do with that dog.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      Then he got on his wagon again and drove away.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      The next morning I was a nervous wreck, for Fluff had howled all night,
-      and Murchison came over soon after breakfast. He was accompanied by
-      Brownlee and Massett.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Now, I am the last man in the world to do anything that my neighbors
-      would take offense at,&rdquo; he said, as soon as they were seated on my porch,
-      &ldquo;and Brownlee and Massett love dogs as few men ever love them; but
-      something has to be done about Fluff. The time has come when we must sleep
-      with our windows open, and neither Massett nor Brownlee nor I got a minute
-      of sleep last night.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Neither did I,&rdquo; I said.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;That is different entirely,&rdquo; said Murchison. &ldquo;Fluff is your dog, and if
-      you want to keep a howling dog, you would be inclined to put up with the
-      howl, but we have no interest in the dog at all. We do not own him, and we
-      consider him a nuisance. We have decided to ask you to get rid of him. It
-      is unjust to your neighbors to keep a howling dog. You will have to get
-      rid of Fluff.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Exactly!&rdquo; said Massett. &ldquo;For ten nights I have not slept a wink, and
-      neither has Murchison, nor has Brownlee&mdash;&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Nor I,&rdquo; I added.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Exactly!&rdquo; said Massett. &ldquo;And four men going without sleep for ten nights
-      is equal to one man going without sleep forty nights, which would kill any
-      man. Practically, Fluff has killed a man, and is a murderer, and as you
-      are responsible for him, it is the same as if you were a murderer
-      yourself; and as you were one of the four who did not sleep, you may also
-      be said to have committed suicide. But we do not mean to give you into the
-      hands of the law until we have remonstrated with you. But we feel deeply,
-      and the more so because you could easily give us some nights of sleep in
-      which to recuperate.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;If you can tell me how,&rdquo; I said, &ldquo;I will gladly do it. I need sleep more
-      at this minute than I ever needed it in my life.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Very well,&rdquo; said Massett; &ldquo;just get out your shotgun and show it to
-      Fluff. When he sees the gun he will run. He will take wings like a duck,
-      and while he is away we can get a few nights' rest. That will be
-      something. And if we are not in good condition by that time, you can show
-      him the shotgun again. Why!&rdquo; he exclaimed, as he grew enthusiastic over
-      his idea, &ldquo;you can keep Fluff eternally on the wing!&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      I felt that I needed a vacation from Fluff. I unchained him and went in to
-      get my shotgun. Then I showed him the shotgun, and we had two good nights
-      of sleep. After that, whenever we felt that we needed a few nights in
-      peace, I just showed Fluff the shotgun and he went away on one of his
-      flying trips.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      But it was Brownlee&mdash;Brownlee knew all about dogs&mdash;who first
-      called my attention to what he called the periodicity of Fluff.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Now, you would never have noticed it,&rdquo; he said one day when Murchison and
-      I were sitting on my porch with him, &ldquo;but I did. That is because I have
-      studied dogs. I know all about dogs, and I know Fluff can run. This is
-      because he has greyhound blood in him. With a little wolf. That is why I
-      studied Fluff, and how I came to notice that every time you show him the
-      shotgun he is gone just forty-eight hours. Now, you go and get your
-      shotgun and try it.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      So I tried it, and Fluff went away as he always did; and Brownlee sat
-      there bragging about how Fluff could run, and about how wonderful he was
-      himself to have thought of the periodicity of Fluff.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Did you see how he went?&rdquo; he asked enthusiastically. &ldquo;That gait was a
-      thirty-mile-an-hour gait. Why, that dog travels&mdash;he travels&mdash;&rdquo;
-       He took out a piece of paper and a pencil and figured it out. &ldquo;In
-      forty-eight hours he travels fourteen hundred and forty miles! He gets
-      seven hundred and twenty miles from home!&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;It doesn't seem possible,&rdquo; said Murchison. &ldquo;No,&rdquo; said Brownlee frankly,
-      &ldquo;it doesn't.&rdquo; He went over his figures again. &ldquo;But that is figured
-      correctly,&rdquo; he said. &ldquo;If&mdash;but maybe I did not gauge his speed
-      correctly. And I didn't allow for stopping to turn around at the end of
-      the out sprint. What we ought to have on that dog is a pedometer. If I
-      owned a dog like that, the first thing I would get would be a pedometer.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      I told Brownlee that if he wished I would give him Fluff, and he could put
-      a pedometer, or anything else, on him; but Brownlee remembered he had some
-      work to do and went home.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      But he was right about the periodicity of Fluff. Almost on the minute at
-      the end of forty-eight hours Fluff returned, and Brownlee and Murchison,
-      who were there to receive him, were as pleased as if Fluff had been going
-      away instead of returning.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;That dog,&rdquo; said Brownlee, &ldquo;is a wonderful animal. If Sir Isaac Newton had
-      that dog, he would have proved something or other of universal value by
-      him. That dog is plumb full of ratios and things, if we only knew how to
-      get them out of him. I bet if Sir Isaac Newton had had Fluff as long as
-      you have had him he would have had a formula all worked out&mdash;x/y(2xz-dog)=2(4ab-3x)
-      or something of that kind, so that anyone with half a knowledge of algebra
-      could figure out the square root of any dog any time of the day or night.
-      I could get up a Law of Dog myself if I had the time, with a dog like
-      Fluff to work on. 'If one dog travels fourteen hundred and forty miles at
-      the sight of a gun, how far would two dogs travel?' All that sort of
-      thing. Stop!&rdquo; he ejaculated suddenly. &ldquo;If one dog travels forty-eight
-      hours at the sight of one gun, how far would he travel at the sight of two
-      guns? Murchison,&rdquo; he cried enthusiastically, &ldquo;I've got it! I've got the
-      fundamental law of periodicity in dogs! Go get your gun,&rdquo; he said to me,
-      &ldquo;and I will get mine.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      <br /><br />
-    </p>
-    <hr />
-    <p>
-      <a name="linkimage-0008" id="linkimage-0008"> </a>
-    </p>
-    <div class="fig" style="width:80%;">
-      <img src="images/82.jpg" alt="82" width="100%" /><br />
-    </div>
-    <p>
-      He stopped at the gate long enough to say:
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;I tell you, Murchison, we are on the verge of a mighty important
-      discovery&mdash;a mighty important discovery! If this thing turns out
-      right, we will be at the root of all dog nature. We will have the great
-      underlying law of scared dogs.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      He came back with his shotgun carefully hidden behind him, and then he and
-      I showed Fluff the two guns simultaneously. For one minute Fluff was
-      startled. Then he vanished. All we saw of him as he went was the dust he
-      left in his wake. Massett had come over when Brownlee brought over his
-      gun, and Murchison and I sat and smoked while Massett and Brownlee fought
-      out the periodicity of Fluff. Brownlee said that for two guns Fluff would
-      traverse the same distance as for one, but twice as quickly; but Massett
-      said Brownlee was foolish, and that anyone who knew anything about dogs
-      would know that no dog could go faster than Fluff had gone at the sight of
-      one gun. Massett said Fluff would travel at his regular one-gun speed, but
-      would travel a two-gun distance. He said Fluff would not be back for
-      ninety-six hours. Brownlee said he would be back in forty-eight hours, but
-      both agreed that he would travel twenty-eight hundred and eighty miles.
-      Then Murchison went home and got a map, and showed Brownlee and Massett
-      that if Fluff traveled fourteen hundred miles in the direction he had
-      started he would have to do the last two hundred miles as a swim, because
-      he would strike the Atlantic Ocean at the twelve hundredth mile. But
-      Brownlee just turned up his nose and sneered. He said Fluff was no fool,
-      and that when he reached the coast he would veer to the north and travel
-      along the beach for two hundred miles or so. Then Massett said that he had
-      been thinking about Brownlee's theory, and he <i>knew</i> no dog could do
-      what Brownlee said Fluff would do&mdash;sixty miles an hour. He said he
-      agreed that a dog like Fluff could do thirty miles an hour if he did not
-      stop to howl, because his howl represented about sixty horse power, but
-      that no dog could ever do sixty miles an hour. Then Brownlee got mad and
-      said Massett was a born idiot, and that Fluff not only <i>could</i> do
-      sixty miles, but he could keep on increasing his speed at the rate of
-      thirty miles per gun indefinitely. Then they went home mad, but they
-      agreed to be on hand when Fluff returned. But they were not. Fluff came
-      home in twenty-four hours, almost to the minute.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      When I went over and told Brownlee, he wouldn't believe it at first, but
-      when I showed him Fluff, he cheered up and clapped me on the back.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;I tell you,&rdquo; he exclaimed, &ldquo;we have made a great discovery. We have
-      discovered the law of scared dogs. 'A dog is scared in inverse ratio to
-      the number of guns!' Now, it wouldn't be fair to try Fluff again without
-      giving him a breathing spell, but to-morrow I will come over, and we will
-      try him with four guns. We will work this thing out thoroughly,&rdquo; he said,
-      &ldquo;before we write to the Academy of Science, or whatever a person would
-      write to, so that there will be no mistake. Before we give this secret to
-      the world we want to have it complete. We will try Fluff with any number
-      of guns, and with pistols and rifles, and if we can get one we will try
-      him with a cannon. We will keep at it for years and years. You and I will
-      be famous.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      I told Brownlee that if he wanted to experiment for years with Fluff he
-      could have him, but that all I wanted was to get rid of him; but Brownlee
-      wouldn't hear of that. He said he would buy Fluff of me if he was rich
-      enough, but that Fluff was so valuable he couldn't think of buying him. He
-      would let me keep him. He said he would be over the next day to try Fluff
-      again.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      So the next day he and Murchison and Massett came over and held a
-      consultation on my porch to decide how many guns they would try on Fluff.
-      They could not agree. Massett wanted to try four guns and have Fluff
-      absent only half a day, but Brownlee wanted to have me break my shotgun in
-      two and try that on Fluff. He said that according to the law of scared
-      dogs, a half a gun, working it out by inverse ratio, would keep Fluff away
-      for twice as long as one gun, which would be ninety-six hours; and while
-      they were arguing it out Fluff came around the house unsuspectingly and
-      saw us on the porch. He gave us one startled glance and started north by
-      northeast at what Brownlee said was the most marvelous rate of speed he
-      ever saw. Then he and Massett got down off the porch and looked for guns,
-      but there were none in sight. There wasn't anything that looked the least
-      like a gun. Not even a broomstick. Brownlee said he knew what was the
-      matter&mdash;Fluff was having a little practice run to keep in good
-      condition, and would be back in a few hours; but, judging by the look he
-      gave us as he went, I thought he would be gone longer than that.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      I could see that Brownlee was worried, and as day followed day without any
-      return of Fluff, Murchison and I tried to cheer him up, showing him how
-      much better we all slept while Fluff was away; but it did not cheer up
-      poor Brownlee. He had set his faith on that dog, and the dog had deceived
-      him. We all became anxious about Brownlee's health&mdash;he moped around
-      so; and just when we began to be afraid he was going into a decline he
-      cheered up, and came over as bright and happy as a man could be.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;I told you so!&rdquo; he exclaimed joyfully, as soon as he was inside my gate.
-      &ldquo;And it makes me ashamed of myself that I didn't think of it the moment I
-      saw Fluff start off. You will never see that dog again.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      I told Brownlee that that was good news, anyway, even if it did upset his
-      law of scared dogs; but he smiled a superior smile.
-    </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Disprove nothing!&rdquo; he said. &ldquo;It proves my law. Didn't I say in the first
-      place that the time a dog would be gone was in inverse ratio to the number
-      of guns? Well, the inverse ratio to no guns is infinite time&mdash;that is
-      how long Fluff will be gone; that is how long he will run. Why, that dog
-      will never stop running while there is any dog left in him. He can't help
-      it&mdash;it is the law of scared dogs.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Do you mean to say,&rdquo; I asked him, &ldquo;that that dog will run on and on
-      forever?&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      &ldquo;Exactly!&rdquo; said Brownlee proudly. &ldquo;As long as there is a particle of him
-      left he will keep on running. That is the law.&rdquo;
-     </p>
-    <p>
-      Maybe Brownlee was right. I don't know. But what I would like to know is
-      the name of some one who would like a dog that looks like Fluff, and is
-      his size, and that howls like him and that answers to his name. A dog of
-      that kind returned to Murchison's house a long time before infinity, and I
-      would like to get rid of him. Brownlee says it isn't Fluff; that his law
-      couldn't be wrong, and that this is merely a dog that resembles Fluff.
-      Maybe Brownlee is right, but I would like to know some one that wants a
-      dog with a richly melodious voice.
-    </p>
-    <h3>
-      THE END
-    </h3>
-    <div style="height: 6em;">
-      <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
-    </div>
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-<pre>
-
-
-
-
-
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-The Project Gutenberg EBook of That Pup, by Ellis Parker Butler
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
-almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
-re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
-with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
-
-
-Title: That Pup
-
-Author: Ellis Parker Butler
-
-Release Date: November 10, 2013 [EBook #44146]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: ASCII
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THAT PUP ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by David Widger
-
-
-
-
-
-
-THAT PUP
-
-By Ellis Parker Butler
-
-Author Of Pigs Is Pigs, Kilo, Etc.
-
-Illustrated
-
-New York The Mcclure Company, MCMVII
-
-
-
-
-I. THE EDUCATION OF FLUFF
-
-Murchison, who lives next door to me, wants to get rid of a dog, and if
-you know of anyone who wants a dog I wish you would let Murchison know.
-Murchison doesn't need it. He is tired of dogs, anyway. That is just
-like Murchison. 'Way up in an enthusiasm one day and sick of it the
-next.
-
-Brownlee--Brownlee lives on the other side of Murchison--remembers when
-Murchison got the dog. It was the queerest thing, so Murchison says,
-you ever heard of. Here came the express wagon--Adams' Express Company's
-wagon--and delivered the dog. The name was all right--"C. P. Murchison,
-Gallatin, Iowa"--and the charges were paid. The charges were $2.80, and
-paid, and the dog had been shipped from New York. Think of that! Twelve
-hundred miles in a box, with a can of condensed milk tied to the box and
-"Please feed" written on it.
-
-[Illustration: frontispiece]
-
-When Murchison came home to dinner, there was the dog. At first
-Murchison was pleased; then he was surprised; then he was worried. He
-hadn't ordered a dog. The more he thought about it the more he worried.
-
-"If I could just _think_ who sent it," he said to Brownlee, "then I
-would know who sent it; but I can't think. It is evidently a valuable
-dog. I can see that. People don't send cheap, inferior dogs twelve
-hundred miles. But I can't _think_ who sent it."
-
-"What worries me," he said to Brownlee another time, "is who sent it.
-I can't _imagine_ who would send me a dog from New York. I know so many
-people, and, like as not, some influential friend of mine has meant to
-make me a nice present, and now he is probably mad because I haven't
-acknowledged it. I'd like to know what he thinks of me about now!"
-
-It almost worried him sick. Murchison never did care for dogs, but when
-a man is presented with a valuable dog, all the way from New York, with
-$2.80 charges paid, he simply _has_ to admire that dog. So Murchison got
-into the habit of admiring the dog, and so did Mrs. Murchison. From what
-they tell me, it was rather a nice dog in its infancy, for it was only a
-pup then. Infant dogs have a habit of being pups.
-
-As near as I could gather from what Murchison and Mrs. Murchison
-told me, it was a little, fluffy, yellow ball, with bright eyes and
-ever-moving tail. It was the kind of a dog that bounces around like a
-rubber ball, and eats the evening newspaper, and rolls down the porch
-steps with short, little squawks of surprise, and lies down on its back
-with its four legs in the air whenever a bigger dog comes near. In color
-it was something like a camel, but a little redder where the hair was
-long, and its hair was like beaver fur--soft and woolly inside, with a
-few long hairs that were not so soft. It was so little and fluffy that
-Mrs. Murchison called it Fluff. Pretty name for a soft, little dog is
-Fluff.
-
-"If I only _knew_ who sent that dog," Murchison used to say to Brownlee,
-"I would like to make some return. I'd send him a barrel of my best
-melons, express paid, if it cost me five dollars!"
-
-Murchison was in the produce business, and he knew all about melons, but
-not so much about dogs. Of course he could tell a dog from a cat, and a
-few things of that sort, but Brownlee was the real dog man. Brownlee had
-two Irish pointers or setters--I forget which they were; the black dogs
-with the long, floppy ears. I don't know much about dogs myself. I hate
-dogs.
-
-Brownlee knows a great deal about dogs. He isn't one of the book-taught
-sort; he knows dogs by instinct. As soon as he sees a dog he can make
-a guess at its breed, and out our way that is a pretty good test, for
-Gallatin dogs are rather cosmopolitan. That is what makes good stock in
-men--Scotch grandmother and German grandfather on one side and English
-grandmother and Swedish grandfather on the other--and I don't see why
-the same isn't true of dogs. There are numbers of dogs in Gallatin that
-can trace their ancestry through nearly every breed of dog that ever
-lived, and Brownlee can look at any one of them and immediately guess
-at its formula--one part Spitz, three parts greyhound, two parts collie,
-and so on. I have heard him guess more kinds of dog than I ever knew
-existed.
-
-As soon as he saw Murchison's dog he guessed it was a pure bred Shepherd
-with a trace of Eskimo. Massett, who thinks he knows as much about dogs
-as Brownlee does, didn't believe it. The moment he saw the pup he said
-it was a pedigree dog, half St. Bernard and half Spitz.
-
-Brownlee and Massett used to sit on Murchison's steps after supper and
-point out the proofs to each other. They would argue for hours.
-
-"All right, Massett," Brownlee would say, "but you can't fool _me_. I
-Look at that nose! If that isn't a Shepherd nose, I'll eat it. And see
-that tail! Did you ever see a tail like that on a Spitz? That is an
-Eskimo tail as sure as I am a foot high."
-
-"Tail fiddlesticks!" Massett would reply. "You can't tell anything by
-a pup's tail. Look at his ears! _There_ is St. Bernard for you! And see
-his lower jaw. Isn't that Spitz? I'll leave it to Murchison. Isn't that
-lower jaw Spitz, Murchison?"
-
-Then all three would tackle the puppy and open its mouth and feel its
-jaw, and the pup would wriggle and squeak, and back away, opening and
-shutting its mouth to see if its works had been damaged.
-
-"All right!" Brownlee would say. "You wait a year or two and you'll
-see!"
-
-About three months later the pup was as big as an ordinary full-grown
-dog, and his coat looked like a compromise between a calfskin and one of
-these hairbrush door mats you use to wipe your feet on in muddy weather.
-He did not look like the same pup. He was long limbed and awkward and
-useless, and homely as a shopworn fifty-cent yellow plush manicure set.
-Murchison began to feel that he didn't really need a dog, but Brownlee
-was as enthusiastic as ever. He would go over to Murchison's fairly
-oozing dog knowledge.
-
-"I'll tell you what that dog is," he would say. "That dog is a cross
-between a Great Dane and an English Deerhound. You've got a very
-valuable dog there, Murchison, a very valuable dog. He comes of fine
-stock on both sides, and it is a cross you don't often see. I never saw
-it, and I've seen all kinds of crossed dogs."
-
-Then Massett would drop in and walk around the dog admiringly for a few
-minutes and absorb his beauties.
-
-"Murchison," he would say, "do you know what that dog is? That dog is
-a pure cross between a Siberian wolfhound and a Newfoundland. You treat
-that dog right and you'll have a fortune in him. Why, a pure Siberian
-wolfhound is worth a thousand dollars, and a good--a really good
-Newfoundland, mind you--is worth two thousand, and you've got both in
-one dog. That's three thousand dollars' worth of dog!"
-
-In the next six months Fluff grew. He broadened out and lengthened and
-heightened, and every day or two Brownlee or Massett would discover a
-new strain of dog in him. They pointed out to Murchison all the marks
-by which he could tell the different kinds of dog that were combined
-in Fluff, and every time they discovered a new one they held a sort of
-jubilee, and bragged and swelled their chests. They seemed to spend all
-their time thinking up odd and strange kinds of dog that Fluff had in
-him. Brownlee discovered the traces of Cuban bloodhound, Kamtchatka
-hound, beagle, Brague de Bengale, and Thibet mastiff, but Massett first
-traced the stag-hound, Turkoman watchdog, Dachshund, and Harrier in him.
-
-[Illustration: 26]
-
-Murchison, not being a doggish man, never claimed to have noticed any of
-these family resemblances, and never said what he thought the dog really
-was until a month or two later, when he gave it as his opinion that the
-dog was a cross between a wolf, a Shetland pony, and hyena. It was about
-that time that Fluff had to be chained. He had begun to eat other dogs,
-and children and chickens. The first night Murchison chained him to his
-kennel Fluff walked half a mile, taking the kennel along, and then only
-stopped because the kennel got tangled with a lamp-post. The man who
-brought him home claimed that Fluff was nearly asphyxiated when he found
-him; said he gnawed half through the lamp-post, and that gas got in his
-lungs, but this was not true. Murchison learned afterwards that it was
-only a gasoline lamp-post, and a wooden one.
-
-"If there were only some stags around this part of the country," said
-Massett, "the stag-hound strain in that dog would be mighty valuable.
-You could rent him out to everybody who wanted to go stag hunting; and
-you'd have a regular monopoly, because he's the only staghound in this
-part of the country. And stag hunting would be popular, too, out here,
-because there are no game laws that interfere with stag hunting in this
-State. There is no closed season. People could hunt stags all the year
-round, and you'd have that dog busy every day of the year."
-
-"Yes!" sneered Brownlee, "only there are no stags. And he hasn't any
-staghound blood in him. Pity there are no Dachs in this State, too,
-isn't it? Then Murchison could hire his dog at night, too. They hunt
-Dachs at night, don't they, Massett? Only there is no Dachshund blood in
-him, either. If there was, and if there were a few Dachs-"
-
-Massett was mad.
-
-"Yes!" he cried. "And you, with your Cuban bloodhound strain! I suppose
-if it was the open season for Cubans, you'd go out with the dog and tree
-a few! Or put on snowshoes and follow the Kamtchat to his icy lair!"
-Brownlee doesn't get mad easily.
-
-"Murchison," he said, "leaving out Mas-sett's dreary nonsense about
-staghounds, I can tell you that dog would make the finest duck dog in
-the State. He's got all the points for a good duck dog, and I ought to
-know for I have two of the best duck dogs that ever lived. All he needs
-is training. If you will train him right you'll have a mighty valuable
-dog."
-
-"But I don't hunt ducks," said Murchison, "and I don't know how to train
-even a lap-dog."
-
-"You let me attend to his education," said Brownlee. "I just want to
-show Massett here that I know a dog when I see one. I'll show Massett
-the finest duck dog he ever saw when I get through with Fluff."
-
-So he went over and got his shotgun, just to give Fluff his first
-lesson. The first thing a duck dog must learn is not to be afraid of a
-gun, and Brownlee said that if a dog first learned about guns right at
-his home he was not so apt to be afraid of them. He said that if a dog
-heard a gun for the first time when he was away from home and in strange
-surroundings he was quite right to be surprised and startled, but if he
-heard it in the bosom of his family, with all his friends calmly seated
-about, he would think it was a natural thing, and accept it as such.
-
-So Brownlee put a shell in his gun and Mas-sett and Murchison sat on the
-porch steps and pretended to be uninterested and normal, and Brownlee
-stood up and aimed the gun in the air. Fluff was eating a bone, but
-Brownlee spoke to him and he looked up, and Brownlee pulled the trigger.
-It seemed about five minutes before Fluff struck the ground, he jumped
-so high when the gun was fired, and then he started north by northeast
-at about sixty miles an hour. He came back all right, three weeks later,
-but his tail was still between his legs.
-
-[Illustration: 32]
-
-Brownlee didn't feel the least discouraged. He said he saw now that
-the whole principle of what he had done was wrong; that no dog with any
-brains whatever could be anything but frightened to hear a gun shot off
-right in the bosom of his family. That was no place to fire a gun. He
-said Fluff evidently thought the whole lot of us were crazy, and ran in
-fear of his life, thinking we were insane and might shoot him next.
-He said the thing to do was to take the shotgun into its natural
-surroundings and let Fluff learn to love it there. He pictured Fluff
-enjoying the sound of the gun when he heard it at the edge of the lake.
-
-Murchison never hunted ducks, but as Fluff was his dog, he went with
-Brownlee, and of course Massett went. Massett wanted to see the failure.
-He said he wished stags were as plentiful as ducks, and he would show
-Brownlee!
-
-Fluff was a strong dog--he seemed to have a strain of ox in him, so far
-as strength went--and as long as he saw the gun he insisted that he
-would stay at home; but when Brownlee wrapped the gun in brown paper so
-it looked like a big parcel from the meat shop, the horse that they had
-hitched to the buck-board was able to drag Fluff along without straining
-itself. Fluff was fastened to the rear axle with a chain.
-
-When they reached Duck Lake, Brownlee untied Fluff and patted him,
-and then unwrapped the gun. Fluff gave one pained glance and made the
-six-mile run home in seven minutes without stopping. He was home before
-Brownlee could think of anything to say, and he went so far into his
-kennel that Murchison had to take off the boards at the back to find him
-that night.
-
-"That's nothing," was what Brownlee said when he did speak; "young dogs
-are often that way. Gun fright. They have to be gun broken. You come out
-to-morrow, and I'll show you how a man who really knows how to handle a
-dog does the trick."
-
-The next day, when Fluff saw the buck-board he went into his kennel, and
-they couldn't pry him out with the hoe-handle. He connected buckboards
-and guns in his mind, so Brownlee borrowed the butcher's delivery wagon,
-and they drove to Wild Lake. It was seven miles, but Fluff seemed more
-willing to go in that direction than toward Duck Lake. He did not seem
-to care to go to Duck Lake at all.
-
-"Now, then," said Brownlee, "I'll show you the intelligent way to handle
-a dog. I'll prove to him that he has nothing to fear, that I am his
-comrade and friend. And at the same time," he said, "I'll not have him
-running off home and spoiling our day's sport."
-
-So he took the chain and fastened it around his waist, and then he sat
-down and talked to Fluff like an old friend, and got him in a playful
-mood. Then he had Murchison get the gun out of the wagon and lay it on
-the ground about twenty feet off. It was wrapped in brown paper.
-
-Brownlee talked to Fluff and told him what fine sport duck hunting is,
-and then, as if by chance, he got on his hands and knees and crawled
-toward the gun. Fluff hung back a little, but the chain just coaxed him
-a little, too, and they edged up to the gun, and Brownlee pretended to
-discover it unexpectedly.
-
-"Well, well!" he said. "What's this?"
-
-Fluff nosed up to it and sniffed it, and then went at it as if it was
-Massett's cat. That Brownlee had wrapped a beefsteak around the gun,
-inside the paper, and Fluff tore off the paper and ate the steak, and
-Brownlee winked at Murchison.
-
-"I declare," he said, "if here isn't a gun! Look at this, Fluff--a gun!
-Gosh! but we are in luck!"
-
-Would you believe it, that dog sniffed at the gun, and did not fear it
-in the least? You could have hit him on the head with it and he would
-not have minded it. He never did mind being hit with small things like
-guns and ax handles.
-
-Brownlee got up and stood erect.
-
-"You see!" he said proudly. "All a man needs with a dog like this is
-intelligence. A dog is like a horse. He wants his reason appealed to.
-Now, if I fire the gun, he may be a little startled, but I have created
-a faith in me in him. He knows there is nothing dangerous in a gun _as_
-a gun. He knows I am not afraid of it, so he is not afraid. He realizes
-that we are chained together, and that proves to him that he need not
-run unless I run. Now watch."
-
-Brownlee fired the shotgun.
-
-Instantly he started for home. He did not start lazily, like a boy
-starting to the wood pile, but went promptly and with a dash. His first
-jump was only ten feet, and we heard him grunt as he landed, but after
-that he got into his stride and made fourteen feet each jump. He was
-bent forward a good deal in the middle, where the chain was, and in many
-ways he was not as graceful as a professional cinder-path track runner,
-but, in running, the main thing is to cover the ground rapidly. Brownlee
-did that.
-
-Massett said it was a bad start. He said it was all right to start a
-hundred-yard dash that way, but for a long-distance run--a run of seven
-miles across country--the start was too impetuous; that it showed a lack
-of generalship, and that when it came to the finish the affair would be
-tame; but it wasn't.
-
-Brownlee said afterwards that there wasn't a tame moment in the entire
-seven miles. It was rather more wild than tame. He felt right from the
-start that the finish would be sensational, unless the chain cut him
-quite in two, and it didn't. He said that when the chain had cut as far
-as his spinal column it could go no farther, and it stopped and clung
-there, but it was the only thing that did stop, except his breath. It
-was several years later that I first met Brownlee, and he was still
-breathing hard, like a man who has just been running rapidly. Brownlee
-says when he shuts his eyes his legs still seem to be going.
-
-The first mile was through underbrush, and that was lucky, for the
-underbrush removed most of Brownlee's clothing, and put him in better
-running weight, but at the mile and a quarter they struck the road.
-He said at two miles he thought he might be overexercising the dog and
-maybe he had better stop, but the dog seemed anxious to get home so he
-didn't stop there. He said that at three miles he was sure the dog was
-overdoing, and that with his knowledge of dogs he was perfectly able
-to stop a running dog in its own length if he could speak to it, but
-he couldn't speak to this dog for two reasons. One was that he couldn't
-overtake the dog and the other was that all the speak was yanked out of
-him.
-
-When they reached five miles the dog seemed to think they were taking
-too much time to get home, and let out a few more laps of speed, and
-it was right there that Brownlee decided that Fluff had some greyhound
-blood in him.
-
-He said that when they reached town he felt as if he would have been
-glad to stop at his own house and lie down for awhile, but the dog
-didn't want to, and so they went on; but that he ought to be thankful
-that the dog was willing to stop at that town at all. The next town was
-twelve miles farther on, and the roads were bad. But the dog turned into
-Murchison's yard and went right into his kennel.
-
-When Murchison and Massett got home, an hour or so later, after driving
-the horse all the way at a gallop, they found old Gregg, the carpenter,
-prying the roof off the kennel. You see, Murchison had knocked the rear
-out of the kennel the day before, and so when the dog aimed for
-the front he went straight through, and as Brownlee was built more
-perpendicular than the dog, Brownlee didn't go quite through. He went
-in something like doubling up a dollar bill to put it into a thimble.
-I don't suppose anyone would want to double up a dollar bill to put it
-into a thimble, but neither did Brownlee want to be doubled up and
-put into the kennel. It was the dog's thought. So they had to take the
-kennel roof off.
-
-When they got Brownlee out they laid him on the grass, and covered him
-up with a porch rug, and let him lie there a couple of hours to pant,
-for that seemed what he wanted to do just then. It was the longest
-period Brownlee ever spent awake without talking about dog.
-
-Murchison and Massett and old Gregg and twenty-six informal guests stood
-around and gazed at Brownlee panting. Presently Brownlee was able to
-gasp out a few words.
-
-"Murchison," he gasped, "Murchison, if you just had that dog in
-Florence--or wherever it is they race dogs--you'd have a fortune."
-
-He panted awhile, and then gasped out:
-
-"He's a great runner; a phenomenal runner!"
-
-He had to pant more, and then he gasped with pride:
-
-"But I wasn't three feet behind him all the way!"
-
-
-
-
-II. GETTING RID OF FLUFF
-
-So after that Murchison decided to get rid of Fluff. He told me that he
-had never really-wanted a dog, anyway, but that when a dog is sent, all
-the way from New York, anonymously, with $2.80 charges paid, it is hard
-to cast the dog out into the cold world without giving it a trial. So
-Murchison tried the dog for a few more years, and at last he decided
-he would have to get rid of him. He came over and spoke to me about it,
-because I had just moved in next door.
-
-"Do you like dogs?" he asked, and that was the first word of
-conversation I ever had with Murchison. I told him frankly that I did
-not like dogs, and that my wife did not like them, and Murchison seemed
-more pleased than if I had offered him a thousand dollars.
-
-"Now, I am glad of that," he said, "for Mrs. Murchison and I hate dogs.
-If you do not like dogs, I will get rid of Fluff. I made up my mind
-several years ago to get rid of Fluff, but when I heard you were going
-to move into this house, I decided not to get rid of him until I knew
-whether you liked dogs or not. I told Mrs. Murchison that if we got rid
-of Fluff before you came, and then found that you loved dogs and owned
-one, you might take our getting rid of Fluff as a hint that your dog was
-distasteful to us, and it might hurt your feelings. And Mrs. Murchison
-said that if you had a dog, your dog might feel lonely in a strange
-place and might like to have Fluff to play with until your dog got used
-to the neighborhood. So we did not get rid of him; but if you do not
-like dogs we will get rid of him right away."
-
-I told Murchison that I saw he was the kind of a neighbor a man liked to
-have, and that it was kind of him to offer to get rid of Fluff, but that
-he mustn't do so just on our account.
-
-I said that if he wanted to keep the dog, he had better do so.
-
-"Now, that is kind of you," said Murchison, "but we would really rather
-get rid of him. I decided several years ago that I would get rid of him,
-but Brownlee likes dogs, and took an interest in Fluff, and wanted to
-make a bird dog of him, so we kept Fluff for his sake. But now Brownlee
-is tired of making a bird dog of him. He says Fluff is too strong to
-make a good bird dog, and not strong enough to rent out as a horse, and
-he is willing I should get rid of him. He says he is anxious for me to
-get rid of him as soon as I can."
-
-When I saw Fluff I agreed with Brownlee. At the first glance I saw that
-Fluff was a failure as a dog, and that to make a good camel he needed
-a shorter neck and more hump, but he had the general appearance of an
-amateur camel. He looked as if some one who had never seen a dog, but
-had heard of one, had started out to make a dog, and got to thinking of
-a camel every once in a while, and had tried to show me Fluff that day
-worked in parts of what he thought a camel was like with what he thought
-a dog was like, and then--when the job was about done--had decided it
-was a failure, and had just finished it up any way, sticking on the
-meanest and cheapest hair he could find, and getting most of it on wrong
-side to.
-
-[Illustration: 52]
-
-But the cheap hair did not matter much. Murchison and Brownlee showed me
-the place where Fluff had worn most of it off the ridge pole of his back
-crawling under the porch. He tried to show me Fluff that day, but it was
-so dark under the porch that I could not tell which was Fluff and which
-was simply underneathness of porch. But from what Brownlee told me
-that day, I knew that Fluff had suffered a permanent dislocation of the
-spirits. He told me he had taken Fluff out to make a duck dog of him,
-and that all the duck Fluff was interested in was to duck when he saw a
-gun, and that after he had heard a gun fired once or twice he had become
-sad and dejected, and had acquired a permanently ingrowing tail, and an
-expression of face like a coyote, but more mournful. He had acquired a
-habit of carrying his head down and forward, as if he was about to lay
-it on the headsman's block, and knew he deserved that and more, and the
-sooner it was over the better. He couldn't even scratch fleas correctly.
-Brownlee said that when he met a flea in the road he would not even go
-around it, but would stoop down like a camel to let the flea get aboard.
-He was that kind of a dog. He was the most discouraged dog I ever knew.
-
-The next day I was putting down the carpet in the back bedroom, when in
-came Murchison.
-
-"I came over to speak to you about Fluff," he said. "I am afraid he
-must have annoyed you last night. I suppose you heard him howl?"
-
-"Yes, Murchison," I said, "I did hear him. I never knew a dog could howl
-so loud and long as that. He must have been very ill."
-
-"Oh, no!" said Murchison cheerfully. "That is the way he always howls.
-That is one of the reasons I have decided to get rid of Fluff. But it
-is a great deal worse for us than it is for you. The air inlet of our
-furnace is at the side of the house just where Fluff puts his head when
-he howls, and the register in our room is right at the head of our bed.
-So his howl goes in at the inlet and down through the furnace and up
-the furnace pipes, and is delivered right in our room, just as clear and
-strong as if he was in the room. That is one reason I have fully decided
-to get rid of Fluff. It would not be so bad if we had only one register
-in our house, but we have ten, and when Fluff howls, his voice is
-delivered by all ten registers, so it is just as if we had ten Fluffs
-in the house at one time. And ten howls like Fluff's are too much.
-Even Brownlee says so." I told Murchison that I agreed with Brownlee
-perfectly. Fluff had a bad howl. It sounded as if Cruel Fate, with
-spikes in his shoes, had stepped on Fluff's inmost soul, and then jogged
-up and down on the tenderest spot, and Fluff was trying to reproduce his
-feelings in vocal exercises. It sounded like a cheap phonograph giving
-a symphony in the key of woe minor, with a megaphone attachment and bad
-places in the record. Judging by his voice, the machine needed a new
-needle. But the megaphone attachment was all right.
-
-Brownlee--who knows all about dogs--said that he knew what was
-the matter with Fluff. He said Fluff had a very high-grade musical
-temperament, and that he longed to be the Caruso of dogs. He said that
-he could see that all through his bright and hopeful puppyhood he had
-looked forward to being a great singer, with a Wagner repertoire and
-tremolo stops in his song organ, and that he had early set his aim at
-perfection. He said Fluff was that kind of a dog, and that when he saw
-what his voice had turned out to be he was dissatisfied, and became
-morbid. He said that any dog that had a voice like Fluff's had a right
-to be dissatisfied with it--he would be dissatisfied himself with
-that voice. He said he did not wonder that Fluff slunk around all day,
-feeling he was no good on earth, and that he could understand that when
-night came and everything was still, so that Fluff could judge of the
-purity of his tonal quality better, he would pull out his voice, and
-tune it up and look it over and try it again, hoping it had improved
-since he tried it last. Brownlee said it never had improved, and that
-was what made Fluff's howl so mournful--it was full of tears. He said
-Fluff would go to G flat and B flat and D flat, and so on until he
-struck a note he felt he was pretty good at, and then he would cling to
-that note and weep it full of tears.
-
-[Illustration: 52]
-
-He asked Murchison if he hadn't noticed that the howl was sort of damp
-and salty from the tears, but Murchison said he hadn't noticed the
-dampness. He said it probably got dried out of the howl before it
-readied him, coming through the furnace. Then Brownlee said that if
-there was only some way of regulating Fluff, so that he could be turned
-on and off, Murchison would have a fortune in him: he could turn his
-howl off when people wanted to be cheerful, and then, when a time of
-great national woe occurred, Murchison could turn Fluff on and set him
-going. He said he never heard anything in his life that came so near
-expressing in sound a great national woe as Fluff's howl did. He said
-Fluff might lack finish in tonal quality, but that in woe quality he was
-a master: he was stuffed so full of woe quality that it oozed out of his
-pores. He said he always thought what a pity it was for dogs like Fluff
-that people preferred cheerful songs like "Annie Rooney" and "Waltz me
-around again, Willie" to the nobler woe operas. He said he had tried
-to like good music himself, but it was no use: whenever he heard Fluff
-sing, he felt that Murchison ought to get rid of Fluff. Then Murchison
-said that was just what he was going to do. What he wanted to talk about
-was how to get rid of Fluff.
-
-But I am getting too far ahead of my story. Whenever I get to talking
-about the howl of Fluff, I find I wander on for hours at a time.
-
-It takes hours of talk to explain just what a mean howl Fluff had.
-
-But as I was saying, Murchison came over while I was putting down the
-carpet in my back bedroom, and told me he had fully decided to get rid
-of Fluff.
-
-"I have fully decided to get rid of him," he said, "and the only thing
-that bothers me is how to get rid of him."
-
-"Give him away," I suggested.
-
-"That's a good idea!" said Murchison gratefully. "That's the very idea
-that occurred to me when I first thought of getting rid of Fluff. It is
-an idea that just matches Fluff all over. That is just the kind of dog
-Fluff is. If ever a dog was made to give away, Fluff was made for it.
-The more I think about him and look at him and study him, the surer I am
-that the only thing he is good for is to give away."
-
-Then he shook his head and sighed.
-
-"The only trouble," he said, "is that Fluff _is_ the give-away kind of
-dog. That is the only kind you can't give away. There is only one time
-of the year that a person can make presents of things that are good for
-nothing but to give away, and that is at Christmas. Now, I might--"
-
-"Murchison," I said, laying my tack hammer on the floor and standing up,
-"you don't mean to keep that infernal, howling beast until Christmas, do
-you? If you do, I shall stop putting down this carpet. I shall pull out
-the tacks that are already in and move elsewhere. Why, this is only
-the first of May, and if I have to sleep--if I have to keep awake every
-night and listen to that animated foghorn drag his raw soul over the
-teeth of a rusty harrow--I shall go crazy. Can't you think of some one
-that is going to have a birthday sooner than that?"
-
-"I wish I could," said Murchison wistfully, "but I can't. I want to get
-rid of Fluff, and so does Brownlee, and so does Massett, but I can't
-think of a way to get rid of him, and neither can they."
-
-"Murchison," I said, with some asperity, for I hate a man who trifles,
-"if I really thought you and Brownlee and Massett were as stupid as
-all that, I would be sorry I moved into this neighborhood, but I don't
-believe it. I believe you do not mean to get rid of Fluff. I believe you
-and Brownlee and Massett want to keep him. If you wanted to get rid of
-him, you could do it the same way you got him."
-
-"That's an excellent idea!" exclaimed Murchison. "That is one of the
-best ideas I ever heard, and I would go and do it if I hadn't done it so
-often already. As soon as Brownlee suggested that idea I did it. I sent
-Fluff by express to a man--to John Smith--at Worcester, Mass., and when
-Fluff came back I had to pay $8.55 charges. But I didn't begrudge the
-money. The trip did Fluff a world of good--it strengthened his voice,
-and made him broader-minded. I tell you," he said enthusiastically,
-"there's nothing like travel for broadening the mind! Look at Fluff!
-Maybe he don't show it, but that dog's mind is so broadened by travel
-that if he was turned loose in Alaska he would find his way home. When
-I found his mind was getting so tremendously broad I stopped sending him
-to places. Brownlee--Brownlee knows all about dogs--said it would not
-hurt Fluff a bit; he said a dog's mind could not get too broad, and
-that as far as he was concerned he would just like to see once how
-broad-minded a dog could become; he would like to have Fluff sent out
-by express every time he came back. He told me it was an interesting
-experiment--that so far as he knew it had never been tried before--and
-that the thing I ought to do was to keep Fluff traveling all the time.
-He said that so far as he knew it was the only way to get rid of Fluff;
-that some time while he was traveling around in the express car there
-might be a wreck, and we would be rid of Fluff; and if there wasn't a
-wreck, it would be interesting to see what effect constant travel would
-have on a coarse dog. He said I might find after a year or two that I
-had the most cultured dog in the United States. Brownlee was willing to
-have me send Fluff anywhere. He suggested a lot of good places to
-send dogs, but he didn't care enough about dog culture to help pay the
-express charges."
-
-"I see, Murchison," I said scornfully, "I see! You are the kind of a man
-who would let a little money stand between you and getting rid of a
-dog like Fluff! If I had a dog like Fluff, nothing in the world could
-prevent me from getting rid of him. I only wish, he was my dog."
-
-"Take him!" said Murchison generously; "I make you a full and free
-present of him. You can have that dog absolutely and wholly. He is
-yours."
-
-"I will take the dog," I said haughtily, "not because I really want a
-dog, nor because I hanker for that particular dog, but because I can see
-that you and Brownlee and Massett have been trifling with him. Bring him
-over in my yard, and I will show you in very short measure how to get
-rid of Fluff."
-
-That afternoon both Brownlee and Massett called on me. They came and sat
-on my porch steps, and Murchison came and sat with them, and all three
-sat and looked at Fluff and talked him over. Every few minutes
-they would--Brownlee and Massett would--get up and shake hands with
-Murchison, and congratulate him on having gotten rid of Fluff, and
-Murchison would blush modestly and say:
-
-"Oh, that is nothing! I always knew I would get rid of him." And there
-was the dog not five feet from them, tied to my lawn hydrant. I watched
-and listened to them until I had had enough of it, and then I went into
-the house and got my shotgun. I loaded it with a good BB shell and went
-out.
-
-[Illustration: 62]
-
-Fluff saw me first. I never saw a dog exhibit such intelligence as Fluff
-exhibited right then. I suppose travel had broadened him, and probably
-the hydrant was old and rusted out, anyway. When a man moves into a
-house he ought to have _all_ the plumbing attended to the first thing.
-Any ordinary, unbroadened dog would have lain down and pulled, but Fluff
-didn't. First he jumped six feet straight into the air, and that pulled
-the four feet of hydrant pipe up by the roots, and then he went away.
-He took the hydrant and the pipe with him, and that might have surprised
-me, but I saw that he did not know where he was going nor how long he
-would stay there when he reached the place, and a dog can never tell
-what will come handy when he is away from home. A hydrant and a piece of
-iron pipe might be the very thing he would need. So he took them along.
-
-If I had wanted a fountain in my front yard, I could not have got one
-half as quickly as Fluff furnished that one, and I would never have
-thought of pulling out the hydrant to make me one. Fluff thought of
-that--at least Brownlee said he thought of it--but I think all Fluff
-wanted was to get away. And he got away, and the fountain didn't happen
-to be attached to the hydrant, so he left it behind. If it had been
-attached to the hydrant, he would have taken it with him. He was a
-strong dog.
-
-"There!" said Brownlee, when we had heard the pipe rattle across the
-Eighth Street bridge--"there is intelligence for you! You ought to be
-grateful to that dog all your life. _You_ didn't know it was against
-the law to discharge a gun in the city limits, but Fluff did, and he
-wouldn't wait to see you get into trouble. He has heard us talking about
-it, Murchison. I tell you travel has broadened that dog! Look what he
-has saved you," he said to me, "by going away at just the psychological
-moment. We should have told you about not firing a gun in the city
-limits. You can't get rid of Fluff that way. It is against the law."
-
-"Yes," said Massett; "and if you knew Fluff as well as we do you would
-know that he is a dog you can't shoot. He is a wonderful dog. He knows
-all about guns. Brownlee tried to make a duck dog out of him, and took
-him out where the ducks were--showed him the ducks--shot a gun at the
-ducks--and what do you think that dog learned?"
-
-"To run," I said, for I had heard about Brownlee teaching Fluff to
-retrieve. Brownlee blushed.
-
-"Yes," said Massett, "but that wasn't all. It doesn't take intelligence
-to make a dog run when he sees a gun, but Fluff did not run like an
-ordinary dog. He saw the gun and he saw the ducks, and he saw that
-Brownlee only shot at ducks when they were on the wing. And he thought
-Brownlee meant to shoot him, so what does he do? Stand still? No; he
-tries to fly. Gets right up and tries to fly. He thought that was what
-Brownlee was trying to teach him. He couldn't fly, but he did his
-best. So whenever Fluff sees a gun, he is on the wing, so to speak. You
-noticed he was on the wing, didn't you?"
-
-I told him I had noticed it. I said that as far as I could judge, Fluff
-had a good strong wing. I said I didn't mind losing a little thing like
-a hydrant and a length or two of pipe, but I was glad I hadn't fastened
-Fluff to the house--I always liked my house to have a cellar---and it
-would be just like Fluff to stop flying at some place where there wasn't
-any cellar.
-
-"Oh," said Massett, "he wouldn't have gone far with the house. A house
-is a great deal heavier than a hydrant. He would probably have moved the
-house off the foundation a little, but, judging by the direction Fluff
-took, the house would have wedged between those two trees, and you would
-have only lost a piece of the porch, or whatever he was tied to. But
-the lesson is that you must not try to shoot Fluff unless you are a good
-wing shot. Unless you can shoot like Davy Crockett, you would be apt to
-wound Fluff without killing him, and then there _would_ be trouble!"
-
-"Yes," said Murchison, "the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals folks.
-There is only one way in which a dog can be killed according to law in
-this place, and that is to have the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
-folks do it. You send them a letter telling them you have a dog you want
-killed, and asking them to come and kill it. That is according to law."
-
-"That," I said firmly, "is what I will do."
-
-"It won't do any good," said Murchison sadly; "they never come. This
-addition to Gallatin is too far from their offices to be handy, and they
-never come. I have eighteen deaths for Fluff on file at their offices
-already, and not one of them has killed him. When you have had as much
-experience with dogs as I have had you will know that the Prevention
-of Cruelty to them in this town does not include killing them when
-they live in the suburbs. The only way a dog can die in the suburbs of
-Gallatin is to die of old age."
-
-"How old is Fluff?" I asked.
-
-"Fluff is a young dog," said Brownlee. "If he had an ordinary dog
-constitution, he would live fifteen years yet, but he hasn't. He has an
-extra strong constitution, and I should say he was good for twenty years
-more. But that isn't what we came over for. We came over to learn how
-you mean to get rid of Fluff."
-
-"Brownlee," I said, "I shall think up some way to get rid of Fluff.
-Getting rid of a dog is no task for a mind like mine. But until he
-returns and gives me back my hydrant, I shall do nothing further. I am
-not going to bother about getting rid of a dog that is not here to be
-got rid of."
-
-By the time Fluff returned I had thought out a plan. Murchison had never
-paid the dog tax on Fluff, and that was the same as condemning him to
-death if he was ever caught outside of the yard, but when he was outside
-he could not be caught. He was a hasty mover, and little things such as
-closed gates never prevented him from entering the yard when in haste.
-When he did not jump over he could get right through a fence. But to
-a man of my ability these things are trifles. I knew how to get rid of
-Fluff. I knew how to have him caught in the street without a license. I
-chained him there.
-
-Brownlee and Massett and Murchison came and watched me do it. Our street
-is not much used, and the big stake I drove in the street was not much
-in the way of passing grocery delivery wagons. I fastened Fluff to
-the stake with a chain, and then I wrote to the city authorities
-and complained. I said there was a dog without a license that was
-continually in front of my house, and I wished it removed; and a week or
-so later the dog-catcher came around and had a look at Fluff: He walked
-all around him while Massett and Brownlee and Murchison and I leaned
-over our gates and looked on. He was not at all what I should have
-expected a dog-catcher to be, being thin and rather gentlemanly in
-appearance; and after he had looked Fluff over well he came over and
-spoke to me. He asked me if Fluff was my dog. I said he was.
-
-"I see!" said the dog-catcher. "And you want to get rid of him. If he
-was my dog, I would want to get rid of him, too. I have seen lots of
-dogs, but I never saw one that was like this, and I do not blame you for
-wanting to part with him. I have had my eye on him for several years,
-but this is the first opportunity I have had to approach him. Now,
-however, he seems to have broken all the dog laws. He has not secured a
-license, and he is in the public highway. It will be my duty to take him
-up and gently chloroform him as soon as I make sure of one thing."
-
-"Tell me what it is," I said, "and I will help you make sure of ft."
-
-"Thank you," he said, "but I will attend to it," and with that he got on
-his wagon and drove off. He returned in about an hour.
-
-"I came back," he said, "not because my legal duty compels me, but
-because I knew you would be anxious. If I owned a dog like that, I would
-be anxious, too. I can't take that dog."
-
-"Why not?" we all asked.
-
-"Because," he said, "I have been down to the city hall, and I have
-looked up the records, and I find that the streets of this addition to
-the city have not been accepted by the city. The titles to the property
-are so made out that until the city legally accepts the streets, each
-property owner owns to the middle of the street fronting his property.
-If you will step out and look, you will see that the dog is on your own
-property."
-
-[Illustration: 72]
-
-"If that is all," I said, "I will move the stake. I will put him on the
-other side of the street."
-
-"If you would like him any better there," said the dog-catcher, "you can
-move him, but it would make no difference to me. Then he would be on the
-private property of the man who owns the property across the street."
-
-"But, my good man," I said, "how _is_ a man to get rid of a dog he does
-not want?"
-
-The dog-catcher frowned.
-
-"That," he said, "seems to be one of the things our lawmakers have not
-thought of. But whatever you do, I advise you to be careful. Do not try
-any underhand methods, for now that my attention has been called to the
-dog, I shall have to watch his future and see that he is not badly used.
-I am an officer of the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals as well as a
-dog-catcher, and I warn you to be careful what you do with that dog."
-
-Then he got on his wagon again and drove away.
-
-The next morning I was a nervous wreck, for Fluff had howled all night,
-and Murchison came over soon after breakfast. He was accompanied by
-Brownlee and Massett.
-
-"Now, I am the last man in the world to do anything that my neighbors
-would take offense at," he said, as soon as they were seated on my
-porch, "and Brownlee and Massett love dogs as few men ever love them;
-but something has to be done about Fluff. The time has come when we must
-sleep with our windows open, and neither Massett nor Brownlee nor I got
-a minute of sleep last night."
-
-"Neither did I," I said.
-
-"That is different entirely," said Murchison. "Fluff is your dog, and if
-you want to keep a howling dog, you would be inclined to put up with the
-howl, but we have no interest in the dog at all. We do not own him, and
-we consider him a nuisance. We have decided to ask you to get rid of
-him. It is unjust to your neighbors to keep a howling dog. You will have
-to get rid of Fluff."
-
-"Exactly!" said Massett. "For ten nights I have not slept a wink, and
-neither has Murchison, nor has Brownlee--"
-
-"Nor I," I added.
-
-"Exactly!" said Massett. "And four men going without sleep for ten
-nights is equal to one man going without sleep forty nights, which would
-kill any man. Practically, Fluff has killed a man, and is a murderer,
-and as you are responsible for him, it is the same as if you were a
-murderer yourself; and as you were one of the four who did not sleep,
-you may also be said to have committed suicide. But we do not mean to
-give you into the hands of the law until we have remonstrated with you.
-But we feel deeply, and the more so because you could easily give us
-some nights of sleep in which to recuperate."
-
-"If you can tell me how," I said, "I will gladly do it. I need sleep
-more at this minute than I ever needed it in my life."
-
-"Very well," said Massett; "just get out your shotgun and show it to
-Fluff. When he sees the gun he will run. He will take wings like a
-duck, and while he is away we can get a few nights' rest. That will be
-something. And if we are not in good condition by that time, you can
-show him the shotgun again. Why!" he exclaimed, as he grew enthusiastic
-over his idea, "you can keep Fluff eternally on the wing!"
-
-I felt that I needed a vacation from Fluff. I unchained him and went in
-to get my shotgun. Then I showed him the shotgun, and we had two good
-nights of sleep. After that, whenever we felt that we needed a few
-nights in peace, I just showed Fluff the shotgun and he went away on one
-of his flying trips.
-
-But it was Brownlee--Brownlee knew all about dogs--who first called my
-attention to what he called the periodicity of Fluff.
-
-"Now, you would never have noticed it," he said one day when Murchison
-and I were sitting on my porch with him, "but I did. That is because I
-have studied dogs. I know all about dogs, and I know Fluff can run. This
-is because he has greyhound blood in him. With a little wolf. That is
-why I studied Fluff, and how I came to notice that every time you show
-him the shotgun he is gone just forty-eight hours. Now, you go and get
-your shotgun and try it."
-
-So I tried it, and Fluff went away as he always did; and Brownlee sat
-there bragging about how Fluff could run, and about how wonderful he was
-himself to have thought of the periodicity of Fluff.
-
-"Did you see how he went?" he asked enthusiastically. "That gait was a
-thirty-mile-an-hour gait. Why, that dog travels--he travels--" He took
-out a piece of paper and a pencil and figured it out. "In forty-eight
-hours he travels fourteen hundred and forty miles! He gets seven hundred
-and twenty miles from home!"
-
-"It doesn't seem possible," said Murchison. "No," said Brownlee frankly,
-"it doesn't." He went over his figures again. "But that is figured
-correctly," he said. "If--but maybe I did not gauge his speed correctly.
-And I didn't allow for stopping to turn around at the end of the out
-sprint. What we ought to have on that dog is a pedometer. If I owned a
-dog like that, the first thing I would get would be a pedometer."
-
-I told Brownlee that if he wished I would give him Fluff, and he could
-put a pedometer, or anything else, on him; but Brownlee remembered he
-had some work to do and went home.
-
-But he was right about the periodicity of Fluff. Almost on the minute at
-the end of forty-eight hours Fluff returned, and Brownlee and Murchison,
-who were there to receive him, were as pleased as if Fluff had been
-going away instead of returning.
-
-"That dog," said Brownlee, "is a wonderful animal. If Sir Isaac Newton
-had that dog, he would have proved something or other of universal value
-by him. That dog is plumb full of ratios and things, if we only knew how
-to get them out of him. I bet if Sir Isaac Newton had had Fluff as
-long as you have had him he would have had a formula all worked
-out--x/y(2xz-dog)=2(4ab-3x) or something of that kind, so that
-anyone with half a knowledge of algebra could figure out the square root
-of any dog any time of the day or night. I could get up a Law of Dog
-myself if I had the time, with a dog like Fluff to work on. 'If one dog
-travels fourteen hundred and forty miles at the sight of a gun, how far
-would two dogs travel?' All that sort of thing. Stop!" he ejaculated
-suddenly. "If one dog travels forty-eight hours at the sight of one gun,
-how far would he travel at the sight of two guns? Murchison," he
-cried enthusiastically, "I've got it! I've got the fundamental law of
-periodicity in dogs! Go get your gun," he said to me, "and I will get
-mine."
-
-[Illustration: 82]
-
-He stopped at the gate long enough to say:
-
-"I tell you, Murchison, we are on the verge of a mighty important
-discovery--a mighty important discovery! If this thing turns out
-right, we will be at the root of all dog nature. We will have the great
-underlying law of scared dogs."
-
-He came back with his shotgun carefully hidden behind him, and then he
-and I showed Fluff the two guns simultaneously. For one minute Fluff was
-startled. Then he vanished. All we saw of him as he went was the dust he
-left in his wake. Massett had come over when Brownlee brought over
-his gun, and Murchison and I sat and smoked while Massett and Brownlee
-fought out the periodicity of Fluff. Brownlee said that for two guns
-Fluff would traverse the same distance as for one, but twice as quickly;
-but Massett said Brownlee was foolish, and that anyone who knew anything
-about dogs would know that no dog could go faster than Fluff had gone
-at the sight of one gun. Massett said Fluff would travel at his regular
-one-gun speed, but would travel a two-gun distance. He said Fluff would
-not be back for ninety-six hours. Brownlee said he would be back in
-forty-eight hours, but both agreed that he would travel twenty-eight
-hundred and eighty miles. Then Murchison went home and got a map, and
-showed Brownlee and Massett that if Fluff traveled fourteen hundred
-miles in the direction he had started he would have to do the last two
-hundred miles as a swim, because he would strike the Atlantic Ocean
-at the twelve hundredth mile. But Brownlee just turned up his nose and
-sneered. He said Fluff was no fool, and that when he reached the coast
-he would veer to the north and travel along the beach for two hundred
-miles or so. Then Massett said that he had been thinking about
-Brownlee's theory, and he _knew_ no dog could do what Brownlee said
-Fluff would do--sixty miles an hour. He said he agreed that a dog like
-Fluff could do thirty miles an hour if he did not stop to howl, because
-his howl represented about sixty horse power, but that no dog could ever
-do sixty miles an hour. Then Brownlee got mad and said Massett was a
-born idiot, and that Fluff not only _could_ do sixty miles, but he
-could keep on increasing his speed at the rate of thirty miles per gun
-indefinitely. Then they went home mad, but they agreed to be on hand
-when Fluff returned. But they were not. Fluff came home in twenty-four
-hours, almost to the minute.
-
-When I went over and told Brownlee, he wouldn't believe it at first, but
-when I showed him Fluff, he cheered up and clapped me on the back.
-
-"I tell you," he exclaimed, "we have made a great discovery. We have
-discovered the law of scared dogs. 'A dog is scared in inverse ratio to
-the number of guns!' Now, it wouldn't be fair to try Fluff again without
-giving him a breathing spell, but to-morrow I will come over, and we
-will try him with four guns. We will work this thing out thoroughly," he
-said, "before we write to the Academy of Science, or whatever a person
-would write to, so that there will be no mistake. Before we give this
-secret to the world we want to have it complete. We will try Fluff with
-any number of guns, and with pistols and rifles, and if we can get one
-we will try him with a cannon. We will keep at it for years and years.
-You and I will be famous."
-
-I told Brownlee that if he wanted to experiment for years with Fluff
-he could have him, but that all I wanted was to get rid of him; but
-Brownlee wouldn't hear of that. He said he would buy Fluff of me if he
-was rich enough, but that Fluff was so valuable he couldn't think of
-buying him. He would let me keep him. He said he would be over the next
-day to try Fluff again.
-
-So the next day he and Murchison and Massett came over and held a
-consultation on my porch to decide how many guns they would try on
-Fluff. They could not agree. Massett wanted to try four guns and have
-Fluff absent only half a day, but Brownlee wanted to have me break my
-shotgun in two and try that on Fluff. He said that according to the law
-of scared dogs, a half a gun, working it out by inverse ratio, would
-keep Fluff away for twice as long as one gun, which would be ninety-six
-hours; and while they were arguing it out Fluff came around the house
-unsuspectingly and saw us on the porch. He gave us one startled glance
-and started north by northeast at what Brownlee said was the most
-marvelous rate of speed he ever saw. Then he and Massett got down off
-the porch and looked for guns, but there were none in sight. There
-wasn't anything that looked the least like a gun. Not even a broomstick.
-Brownlee said he knew what was the matter--Fluff was having a little
-practice run to keep in good condition, and would be back in a few
-hours; but, judging by the look he gave us as he went, I thought he
-would be gone longer than that.
-
-I could see that Brownlee was worried, and as day followed day without
-any return of Fluff, Murchison and I tried to cheer him up, showing him
-how much better we all slept while Fluff was away; but it did not cheer
-up poor Brownlee. He had set his faith on that dog, and the dog had
-deceived him. We all became anxious about Brownlee's health--he moped
-around so; and just when we began to be afraid he was going into a
-decline he cheered up, and came over as bright and happy as a man could
-be.
-
-"I told you so!" he exclaimed joyfully, as soon as he was inside my
-gate. "And it makes me ashamed of myself that I didn't think of it the
-moment I saw Fluff start off. You will never see that dog again."
-
-I told Brownlee that that was good news, anyway, even if it did upset
-his law of scared dogs; but he smiled a superior smile.
-
-"Disprove nothing!" he said. "It proves my law. Didn't I say in the
-first place that the time a dog would be gone was in inverse ratio
-to the number of guns? Well, the inverse ratio to no guns is infinite
-time--that is how long Fluff will be gone; that is how long he will run.
-Why, that dog will never stop running while there is any dog left in
-him. He can't help it--it is the law of scared dogs."
-
-"Do you mean to say," I asked him, "that that dog will run on and on
-forever?"
-
-"Exactly!" said Brownlee proudly. "As long as there is a particle of him
-left he will keep on running. That is the law."
-
-Maybe Brownlee was right. I don't know. But what I would like to know is
-the name of some one who would like a dog that looks like Fluff, and is
-his size, and that howls like him and that answers to his name. A dog of
-that kind returned to Murchison's house a long time before infinity, and
-I would like to get rid of him. Brownlee says it isn't Fluff; that his
-law couldn't be wrong, and that this is merely a dog that resembles
-Fluff. Maybe Brownlee is right, but I would like to know some one that
-wants a dog with a richly melodious voice.
-
-THE END
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of That Pup, by Ellis Parker Butler
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