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diff --git a/old/44146.txt b/old/44146.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 7cad0a7..0000000 --- a/old/44146.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1435 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of That Pup, by Ellis Parker Butler - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: That Pup - -Author: Ellis Parker Butler - -Release Date: November 10, 2013 [EBook #44146] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THAT PUP *** - - - - -Produced by David Widger - - - - - - -THAT PUP - -By Ellis Parker Butler - -Author Of Pigs Is Pigs, Kilo, Etc. - -Illustrated - -New York The Mcclure Company, MCMVII - - - - -I. THE EDUCATION OF FLUFF - -Murchison, who lives next door to me, wants to get rid of a dog, and if -you know of anyone who wants a dog I wish you would let Murchison know. -Murchison doesn't need it. He is tired of dogs, anyway. That is just -like Murchison. 'Way up in an enthusiasm one day and sick of it the -next. - -Brownlee--Brownlee lives on the other side of Murchison--remembers when -Murchison got the dog. It was the queerest thing, so Murchison says, -you ever heard of. Here came the express wagon--Adams' Express Company's -wagon--and delivered the dog. The name was all right--"C. P. Murchison, -Gallatin, Iowa"--and the charges were paid. The charges were $2.80, and -paid, and the dog had been shipped from New York. Think of that! Twelve -hundred miles in a box, with a can of condensed milk tied to the box and -"Please feed" written on it. - -[Illustration: frontispiece] - -When Murchison came home to dinner, there was the dog. At first -Murchison was pleased; then he was surprised; then he was worried. He -hadn't ordered a dog. The more he thought about it the more he worried. - -"If I could just _think_ who sent it," he said to Brownlee, "then I -would know who sent it; but I can't think. It is evidently a valuable -dog. I can see that. People don't send cheap, inferior dogs twelve -hundred miles. But I can't _think_ who sent it." - -"What worries me," he said to Brownlee another time, "is who sent it. -I can't _imagine_ who would send me a dog from New York. I know so many -people, and, like as not, some influential friend of mine has meant to -make me a nice present, and now he is probably mad because I haven't -acknowledged it. I'd like to know what he thinks of me about now!" - -It almost worried him sick. Murchison never did care for dogs, but when -a man is presented with a valuable dog, all the way from New York, with -$2.80 charges paid, he simply _has_ to admire that dog. So Murchison got -into the habit of admiring the dog, and so did Mrs. Murchison. From what -they tell me, it was rather a nice dog in its infancy, for it was only a -pup then. Infant dogs have a habit of being pups. - -As near as I could gather from what Murchison and Mrs. Murchison -told me, it was a little, fluffy, yellow ball, with bright eyes and -ever-moving tail. It was the kind of a dog that bounces around like a -rubber ball, and eats the evening newspaper, and rolls down the porch -steps with short, little squawks of surprise, and lies down on its back -with its four legs in the air whenever a bigger dog comes near. In color -it was something like a camel, but a little redder where the hair was -long, and its hair was like beaver fur--soft and woolly inside, with a -few long hairs that were not so soft. It was so little and fluffy that -Mrs. Murchison called it Fluff. Pretty name for a soft, little dog is -Fluff. - -"If I only _knew_ who sent that dog," Murchison used to say to Brownlee, -"I would like to make some return. I'd send him a barrel of my best -melons, express paid, if it cost me five dollars!" - -Murchison was in the produce business, and he knew all about melons, but -not so much about dogs. Of course he could tell a dog from a cat, and a -few things of that sort, but Brownlee was the real dog man. Brownlee had -two Irish pointers or setters--I forget which they were; the black dogs -with the long, floppy ears. I don't know much about dogs myself. I hate -dogs. - -Brownlee knows a great deal about dogs. He isn't one of the book-taught -sort; he knows dogs by instinct. As soon as he sees a dog he can make -a guess at its breed, and out our way that is a pretty good test, for -Gallatin dogs are rather cosmopolitan. That is what makes good stock in -men--Scotch grandmother and German grandfather on one side and English -grandmother and Swedish grandfather on the other--and I don't see why -the same isn't true of dogs. There are numbers of dogs in Gallatin that -can trace their ancestry through nearly every breed of dog that ever -lived, and Brownlee can look at any one of them and immediately guess -at its formula--one part Spitz, three parts greyhound, two parts collie, -and so on. I have heard him guess more kinds of dog than I ever knew -existed. - -As soon as he saw Murchison's dog he guessed it was a pure bred Shepherd -with a trace of Eskimo. Massett, who thinks he knows as much about dogs -as Brownlee does, didn't believe it. The moment he saw the pup he said -it was a pedigree dog, half St. Bernard and half Spitz. - -Brownlee and Massett used to sit on Murchison's steps after supper and -point out the proofs to each other. They would argue for hours. - -"All right, Massett," Brownlee would say, "but you can't fool _me_. I -Look at that nose! If that isn't a Shepherd nose, I'll eat it. And see -that tail! Did you ever see a tail like that on a Spitz? That is an -Eskimo tail as sure as I am a foot high." - -"Tail fiddlesticks!" Massett would reply. "You can't tell anything by -a pup's tail. Look at his ears! _There_ is St. Bernard for you! And see -his lower jaw. Isn't that Spitz? I'll leave it to Murchison. Isn't that -lower jaw Spitz, Murchison?" - -Then all three would tackle the puppy and open its mouth and feel its -jaw, and the pup would wriggle and squeak, and back away, opening and -shutting its mouth to see if its works had been damaged. - -"All right!" Brownlee would say. "You wait a year or two and you'll -see!" - -About three months later the pup was as big as an ordinary full-grown -dog, and his coat looked like a compromise between a calfskin and one of -these hairbrush door mats you use to wipe your feet on in muddy weather. -He did not look like the same pup. He was long limbed and awkward and -useless, and homely as a shopworn fifty-cent yellow plush manicure set. -Murchison began to feel that he didn't really need a dog, but Brownlee -was as enthusiastic as ever. He would go over to Murchison's fairly -oozing dog knowledge. - -"I'll tell you what that dog is," he would say. "That dog is a cross -between a Great Dane and an English Deerhound. You've got a very -valuable dog there, Murchison, a very valuable dog. He comes of fine -stock on both sides, and it is a cross you don't often see. I never saw -it, and I've seen all kinds of crossed dogs." - -Then Massett would drop in and walk around the dog admiringly for a few -minutes and absorb his beauties. - -"Murchison," he would say, "do you know what that dog is? That dog is -a pure cross between a Siberian wolfhound and a Newfoundland. You treat -that dog right and you'll have a fortune in him. Why, a pure Siberian -wolfhound is worth a thousand dollars, and a good--a really good -Newfoundland, mind you--is worth two thousand, and you've got both in -one dog. That's three thousand dollars' worth of dog!" - -In the next six months Fluff grew. He broadened out and lengthened and -heightened, and every day or two Brownlee or Massett would discover a -new strain of dog in him. They pointed out to Murchison all the marks -by which he could tell the different kinds of dog that were combined -in Fluff, and every time they discovered a new one they held a sort of -jubilee, and bragged and swelled their chests. They seemed to spend all -their time thinking up odd and strange kinds of dog that Fluff had in -him. Brownlee discovered the traces of Cuban bloodhound, Kamtchatka -hound, beagle, Brague de Bengale, and Thibet mastiff, but Massett first -traced the stag-hound, Turkoman watchdog, Dachshund, and Harrier in him. - -[Illustration: 26] - -Murchison, not being a doggish man, never claimed to have noticed any of -these family resemblances, and never said what he thought the dog really -was until a month or two later, when he gave it as his opinion that the -dog was a cross between a wolf, a Shetland pony, and hyena. It was about -that time that Fluff had to be chained. He had begun to eat other dogs, -and children and chickens. The first night Murchison chained him to his -kennel Fluff walked half a mile, taking the kennel along, and then only -stopped because the kennel got tangled with a lamp-post. The man who -brought him home claimed that Fluff was nearly asphyxiated when he found -him; said he gnawed half through the lamp-post, and that gas got in his -lungs, but this was not true. Murchison learned afterwards that it was -only a gasoline lamp-post, and a wooden one. - -"If there were only some stags around this part of the country," said -Massett, "the stag-hound strain in that dog would be mighty valuable. -You could rent him out to everybody who wanted to go stag hunting; and -you'd have a regular monopoly, because he's the only staghound in this -part of the country. And stag hunting would be popular, too, out here, -because there are no game laws that interfere with stag hunting in this -State. There is no closed season. People could hunt stags all the year -round, and you'd have that dog busy every day of the year." - -"Yes!" sneered Brownlee, "only there are no stags. And he hasn't any -staghound blood in him. Pity there are no Dachs in this State, too, -isn't it? Then Murchison could hire his dog at night, too. They hunt -Dachs at night, don't they, Massett? Only there is no Dachshund blood in -him, either. If there was, and if there were a few Dachs-" - -Massett was mad. - -"Yes!" he cried. "And you, with your Cuban bloodhound strain! I suppose -if it was the open season for Cubans, you'd go out with the dog and tree -a few! Or put on snowshoes and follow the Kamtchat to his icy lair!" -Brownlee doesn't get mad easily. - -"Murchison," he said, "leaving out Mas-sett's dreary nonsense about -staghounds, I can tell you that dog would make the finest duck dog in -the State. He's got all the points for a good duck dog, and I ought to -know for I have two of the best duck dogs that ever lived. All he needs -is training. If you will train him right you'll have a mighty valuable -dog." - -"But I don't hunt ducks," said Murchison, "and I don't know how to train -even a lap-dog." - -"You let me attend to his education," said Brownlee. "I just want to -show Massett here that I know a dog when I see one. I'll show Massett -the finest duck dog he ever saw when I get through with Fluff." - -So he went over and got his shotgun, just to give Fluff his first -lesson. The first thing a duck dog must learn is not to be afraid of a -gun, and Brownlee said that if a dog first learned about guns right at -his home he was not so apt to be afraid of them. He said that if a dog -heard a gun for the first time when he was away from home and in strange -surroundings he was quite right to be surprised and startled, but if he -heard it in the bosom of his family, with all his friends calmly seated -about, he would think it was a natural thing, and accept it as such. - -So Brownlee put a shell in his gun and Mas-sett and Murchison sat on the -porch steps and pretended to be uninterested and normal, and Brownlee -stood up and aimed the gun in the air. Fluff was eating a bone, but -Brownlee spoke to him and he looked up, and Brownlee pulled the trigger. -It seemed about five minutes before Fluff struck the ground, he jumped -so high when the gun was fired, and then he started north by northeast -at about sixty miles an hour. He came back all right, three weeks later, -but his tail was still between his legs. - -[Illustration: 32] - -Brownlee didn't feel the least discouraged. He said he saw now that -the whole principle of what he had done was wrong; that no dog with any -brains whatever could be anything but frightened to hear a gun shot off -right in the bosom of his family. That was no place to fire a gun. He -said Fluff evidently thought the whole lot of us were crazy, and ran in -fear of his life, thinking we were insane and might shoot him next. -He said the thing to do was to take the shotgun into its natural -surroundings and let Fluff learn to love it there. He pictured Fluff -enjoying the sound of the gun when he heard it at the edge of the lake. - -Murchison never hunted ducks, but as Fluff was his dog, he went with -Brownlee, and of course Massett went. Massett wanted to see the failure. -He said he wished stags were as plentiful as ducks, and he would show -Brownlee! - -Fluff was a strong dog--he seemed to have a strain of ox in him, so far -as strength went--and as long as he saw the gun he insisted that he -would stay at home; but when Brownlee wrapped the gun in brown paper so -it looked like a big parcel from the meat shop, the horse that they had -hitched to the buck-board was able to drag Fluff along without straining -itself. Fluff was fastened to the rear axle with a chain. - -When they reached Duck Lake, Brownlee untied Fluff and patted him, -and then unwrapped the gun. Fluff gave one pained glance and made the -six-mile run home in seven minutes without stopping. He was home before -Brownlee could think of anything to say, and he went so far into his -kennel that Murchison had to take off the boards at the back to find him -that night. - -"That's nothing," was what Brownlee said when he did speak; "young dogs -are often that way. Gun fright. They have to be gun broken. You come out -to-morrow, and I'll show you how a man who really knows how to handle a -dog does the trick." - -The next day, when Fluff saw the buck-board he went into his kennel, and -they couldn't pry him out with the hoe-handle. He connected buckboards -and guns in his mind, so Brownlee borrowed the butcher's delivery wagon, -and they drove to Wild Lake. It was seven miles, but Fluff seemed more -willing to go in that direction than toward Duck Lake. He did not seem -to care to go to Duck Lake at all. - -"Now, then," said Brownlee, "I'll show you the intelligent way to handle -a dog. I'll prove to him that he has nothing to fear, that I am his -comrade and friend. And at the same time," he said, "I'll not have him -running off home and spoiling our day's sport." - -So he took the chain and fastened it around his waist, and then he sat -down and talked to Fluff like an old friend, and got him in a playful -mood. Then he had Murchison get the gun out of the wagon and lay it on -the ground about twenty feet off. It was wrapped in brown paper. - -Brownlee talked to Fluff and told him what fine sport duck hunting is, -and then, as if by chance, he got on his hands and knees and crawled -toward the gun. Fluff hung back a little, but the chain just coaxed him -a little, too, and they edged up to the gun, and Brownlee pretended to -discover it unexpectedly. - -"Well, well!" he said. "What's this?" - -Fluff nosed up to it and sniffed it, and then went at it as if it was -Massett's cat. That Brownlee had wrapped a beefsteak around the gun, -inside the paper, and Fluff tore off the paper and ate the steak, and -Brownlee winked at Murchison. - -"I declare," he said, "if here isn't a gun! Look at this, Fluff--a gun! -Gosh! but we are in luck!" - -Would you believe it, that dog sniffed at the gun, and did not fear it -in the least? You could have hit him on the head with it and he would -not have minded it. He never did mind being hit with small things like -guns and ax handles. - -Brownlee got up and stood erect. - -"You see!" he said proudly. "All a man needs with a dog like this is -intelligence. A dog is like a horse. He wants his reason appealed to. -Now, if I fire the gun, he may be a little startled, but I have created -a faith in me in him. He knows there is nothing dangerous in a gun _as_ -a gun. He knows I am not afraid of it, so he is not afraid. He realizes -that we are chained together, and that proves to him that he need not -run unless I run. Now watch." - -Brownlee fired the shotgun. - -Instantly he started for home. He did not start lazily, like a boy -starting to the wood pile, but went promptly and with a dash. His first -jump was only ten feet, and we heard him grunt as he landed, but after -that he got into his stride and made fourteen feet each jump. He was -bent forward a good deal in the middle, where the chain was, and in many -ways he was not as graceful as a professional cinder-path track runner, -but, in running, the main thing is to cover the ground rapidly. Brownlee -did that. - -Massett said it was a bad start. He said it was all right to start a -hundred-yard dash that way, but for a long-distance run--a run of seven -miles across country--the start was too impetuous; that it showed a lack -of generalship, and that when it came to the finish the affair would be -tame; but it wasn't. - -Brownlee said afterwards that there wasn't a tame moment in the entire -seven miles. It was rather more wild than tame. He felt right from the -start that the finish would be sensational, unless the chain cut him -quite in two, and it didn't. He said that when the chain had cut as far -as his spinal column it could go no farther, and it stopped and clung -there, but it was the only thing that did stop, except his breath. It -was several years later that I first met Brownlee, and he was still -breathing hard, like a man who has just been running rapidly. Brownlee -says when he shuts his eyes his legs still seem to be going. - -The first mile was through underbrush, and that was lucky, for the -underbrush removed most of Brownlee's clothing, and put him in better -running weight, but at the mile and a quarter they struck the road. -He said at two miles he thought he might be overexercising the dog and -maybe he had better stop, but the dog seemed anxious to get home so he -didn't stop there. He said that at three miles he was sure the dog was -overdoing, and that with his knowledge of dogs he was perfectly able -to stop a running dog in its own length if he could speak to it, but -he couldn't speak to this dog for two reasons. One was that he couldn't -overtake the dog and the other was that all the speak was yanked out of -him. - -When they reached five miles the dog seemed to think they were taking -too much time to get home, and let out a few more laps of speed, and -it was right there that Brownlee decided that Fluff had some greyhound -blood in him. - -He said that when they reached town he felt as if he would have been -glad to stop at his own house and lie down for awhile, but the dog -didn't want to, and so they went on; but that he ought to be thankful -that the dog was willing to stop at that town at all. The next town was -twelve miles farther on, and the roads were bad. But the dog turned into -Murchison's yard and went right into his kennel. - -When Murchison and Massett got home, an hour or so later, after driving -the horse all the way at a gallop, they found old Gregg, the carpenter, -prying the roof off the kennel. You see, Murchison had knocked the rear -out of the kennel the day before, and so when the dog aimed for -the front he went straight through, and as Brownlee was built more -perpendicular than the dog, Brownlee didn't go quite through. He went -in something like doubling up a dollar bill to put it into a thimble. -I don't suppose anyone would want to double up a dollar bill to put it -into a thimble, but neither did Brownlee want to be doubled up and -put into the kennel. It was the dog's thought. So they had to take the -kennel roof off. - -When they got Brownlee out they laid him on the grass, and covered him -up with a porch rug, and let him lie there a couple of hours to pant, -for that seemed what he wanted to do just then. It was the longest -period Brownlee ever spent awake without talking about dog. - -Murchison and Massett and old Gregg and twenty-six informal guests stood -around and gazed at Brownlee panting. Presently Brownlee was able to -gasp out a few words. - -"Murchison," he gasped, "Murchison, if you just had that dog in -Florence--or wherever it is they race dogs--you'd have a fortune." - -He panted awhile, and then gasped out: - -"He's a great runner; a phenomenal runner!" - -He had to pant more, and then he gasped with pride: - -"But I wasn't three feet behind him all the way!" - - - - -II. GETTING RID OF FLUFF - -So after that Murchison decided to get rid of Fluff. He told me that he -had never really-wanted a dog, anyway, but that when a dog is sent, all -the way from New York, anonymously, with $2.80 charges paid, it is hard -to cast the dog out into the cold world without giving it a trial. So -Murchison tried the dog for a few more years, and at last he decided -he would have to get rid of him. He came over and spoke to me about it, -because I had just moved in next door. - -"Do you like dogs?" he asked, and that was the first word of -conversation I ever had with Murchison. I told him frankly that I did -not like dogs, and that my wife did not like them, and Murchison seemed -more pleased than if I had offered him a thousand dollars. - -"Now, I am glad of that," he said, "for Mrs. Murchison and I hate dogs. -If you do not like dogs, I will get rid of Fluff. I made up my mind -several years ago to get rid of Fluff, but when I heard you were going -to move into this house, I decided not to get rid of him until I knew -whether you liked dogs or not. I told Mrs. Murchison that if we got rid -of Fluff before you came, and then found that you loved dogs and owned -one, you might take our getting rid of Fluff as a hint that your dog was -distasteful to us, and it might hurt your feelings. And Mrs. Murchison -said that if you had a dog, your dog might feel lonely in a strange -place and might like to have Fluff to play with until your dog got used -to the neighborhood. So we did not get rid of him; but if you do not -like dogs we will get rid of him right away." - -I told Murchison that I saw he was the kind of a neighbor a man liked to -have, and that it was kind of him to offer to get rid of Fluff, but that -he mustn't do so just on our account. - -I said that if he wanted to keep the dog, he had better do so. - -"Now, that is kind of you," said Murchison, "but we would really rather -get rid of him. I decided several years ago that I would get rid of him, -but Brownlee likes dogs, and took an interest in Fluff, and wanted to -make a bird dog of him, so we kept Fluff for his sake. But now Brownlee -is tired of making a bird dog of him. He says Fluff is too strong to -make a good bird dog, and not strong enough to rent out as a horse, and -he is willing I should get rid of him. He says he is anxious for me to -get rid of him as soon as I can." - -When I saw Fluff I agreed with Brownlee. At the first glance I saw that -Fluff was a failure as a dog, and that to make a good camel he needed -a shorter neck and more hump, but he had the general appearance of an -amateur camel. He looked as if some one who had never seen a dog, but -had heard of one, had started out to make a dog, and got to thinking of -a camel every once in a while, and had tried to show me Fluff that day -worked in parts of what he thought a camel was like with what he thought -a dog was like, and then--when the job was about done--had decided it -was a failure, and had just finished it up any way, sticking on the -meanest and cheapest hair he could find, and getting most of it on wrong -side to. - -[Illustration: 52] - -But the cheap hair did not matter much. Murchison and Brownlee showed me -the place where Fluff had worn most of it off the ridge pole of his back -crawling under the porch. He tried to show me Fluff that day, but it was -so dark under the porch that I could not tell which was Fluff and which -was simply underneathness of porch. But from what Brownlee told me -that day, I knew that Fluff had suffered a permanent dislocation of the -spirits. He told me he had taken Fluff out to make a duck dog of him, -and that all the duck Fluff was interested in was to duck when he saw a -gun, and that after he had heard a gun fired once or twice he had become -sad and dejected, and had acquired a permanently ingrowing tail, and an -expression of face like a coyote, but more mournful. He had acquired a -habit of carrying his head down and forward, as if he was about to lay -it on the headsman's block, and knew he deserved that and more, and the -sooner it was over the better. He couldn't even scratch fleas correctly. -Brownlee said that when he met a flea in the road he would not even go -around it, but would stoop down like a camel to let the flea get aboard. -He was that kind of a dog. He was the most discouraged dog I ever knew. - -The next day I was putting down the carpet in the back bedroom, when in -came Murchison. - -"I came over to speak to you about Fluff," he said. "I am afraid he -must have annoyed you last night. I suppose you heard him howl?" - -"Yes, Murchison," I said, "I did hear him. I never knew a dog could howl -so loud and long as that. He must have been very ill." - -"Oh, no!" said Murchison cheerfully. "That is the way he always howls. -That is one of the reasons I have decided to get rid of Fluff. But it -is a great deal worse for us than it is for you. The air inlet of our -furnace is at the side of the house just where Fluff puts his head when -he howls, and the register in our room is right at the head of our bed. -So his howl goes in at the inlet and down through the furnace and up -the furnace pipes, and is delivered right in our room, just as clear and -strong as if he was in the room. That is one reason I have fully decided -to get rid of Fluff. It would not be so bad if we had only one register -in our house, but we have ten, and when Fluff howls, his voice is -delivered by all ten registers, so it is just as if we had ten Fluffs -in the house at one time. And ten howls like Fluff's are too much. -Even Brownlee says so." I told Murchison that I agreed with Brownlee -perfectly. Fluff had a bad howl. It sounded as if Cruel Fate, with -spikes in his shoes, had stepped on Fluff's inmost soul, and then jogged -up and down on the tenderest spot, and Fluff was trying to reproduce his -feelings in vocal exercises. It sounded like a cheap phonograph giving -a symphony in the key of woe minor, with a megaphone attachment and bad -places in the record. Judging by his voice, the machine needed a new -needle. But the megaphone attachment was all right. - -Brownlee--who knows all about dogs--said that he knew what was -the matter with Fluff. He said Fluff had a very high-grade musical -temperament, and that he longed to be the Caruso of dogs. He said that -he could see that all through his bright and hopeful puppyhood he had -looked forward to being a great singer, with a Wagner repertoire and -tremolo stops in his song organ, and that he had early set his aim at -perfection. He said Fluff was that kind of a dog, and that when he saw -what his voice had turned out to be he was dissatisfied, and became -morbid. He said that any dog that had a voice like Fluff's had a right -to be dissatisfied with it--he would be dissatisfied himself with -that voice. He said he did not wonder that Fluff slunk around all day, -feeling he was no good on earth, and that he could understand that when -night came and everything was still, so that Fluff could judge of the -purity of his tonal quality better, he would pull out his voice, and -tune it up and look it over and try it again, hoping it had improved -since he tried it last. Brownlee said it never had improved, and that -was what made Fluff's howl so mournful--it was full of tears. He said -Fluff would go to G flat and B flat and D flat, and so on until he -struck a note he felt he was pretty good at, and then he would cling to -that note and weep it full of tears. - -[Illustration: 52] - -He asked Murchison if he hadn't noticed that the howl was sort of damp -and salty from the tears, but Murchison said he hadn't noticed the -dampness. He said it probably got dried out of the howl before it -readied him, coming through the furnace. Then Brownlee said that if -there was only some way of regulating Fluff, so that he could be turned -on and off, Murchison would have a fortune in him: he could turn his -howl off when people wanted to be cheerful, and then, when a time of -great national woe occurred, Murchison could turn Fluff on and set him -going. He said he never heard anything in his life that came so near -expressing in sound a great national woe as Fluff's howl did. He said -Fluff might lack finish in tonal quality, but that in woe quality he was -a master: he was stuffed so full of woe quality that it oozed out of his -pores. He said he always thought what a pity it was for dogs like Fluff -that people preferred cheerful songs like "Annie Rooney" and "Waltz me -around again, Willie" to the nobler woe operas. He said he had tried -to like good music himself, but it was no use: whenever he heard Fluff -sing, he felt that Murchison ought to get rid of Fluff. Then Murchison -said that was just what he was going to do. What he wanted to talk about -was how to get rid of Fluff. - -But I am getting too far ahead of my story. Whenever I get to talking -about the howl of Fluff, I find I wander on for hours at a time. - -It takes hours of talk to explain just what a mean howl Fluff had. - -But as I was saying, Murchison came over while I was putting down the -carpet in my back bedroom, and told me he had fully decided to get rid -of Fluff. - -"I have fully decided to get rid of him," he said, "and the only thing -that bothers me is how to get rid of him." - -"Give him away," I suggested. - -"That's a good idea!" said Murchison gratefully. "That's the very idea -that occurred to me when I first thought of getting rid of Fluff. It is -an idea that just matches Fluff all over. That is just the kind of dog -Fluff is. If ever a dog was made to give away, Fluff was made for it. -The more I think about him and look at him and study him, the surer I am -that the only thing he is good for is to give away." - -Then he shook his head and sighed. - -"The only trouble," he said, "is that Fluff _is_ the give-away kind of -dog. That is the only kind you can't give away. There is only one time -of the year that a person can make presents of things that are good for -nothing but to give away, and that is at Christmas. Now, I might--" - -"Murchison," I said, laying my tack hammer on the floor and standing up, -"you don't mean to keep that infernal, howling beast until Christmas, do -you? If you do, I shall stop putting down this carpet. I shall pull out -the tacks that are already in and move elsewhere. Why, this is only -the first of May, and if I have to sleep--if I have to keep awake every -night and listen to that animated foghorn drag his raw soul over the -teeth of a rusty harrow--I shall go crazy. Can't you think of some one -that is going to have a birthday sooner than that?" - -"I wish I could," said Murchison wistfully, "but I can't. I want to get -rid of Fluff, and so does Brownlee, and so does Massett, but I can't -think of a way to get rid of him, and neither can they." - -"Murchison," I said, with some asperity, for I hate a man who trifles, -"if I really thought you and Brownlee and Massett were as stupid as -all that, I would be sorry I moved into this neighborhood, but I don't -believe it. I believe you do not mean to get rid of Fluff. I believe you -and Brownlee and Massett want to keep him. If you wanted to get rid of -him, you could do it the same way you got him." - -"That's an excellent idea!" exclaimed Murchison. "That is one of the -best ideas I ever heard, and I would go and do it if I hadn't done it so -often already. As soon as Brownlee suggested that idea I did it. I sent -Fluff by express to a man--to John Smith--at Worcester, Mass., and when -Fluff came back I had to pay $8.55 charges. But I didn't begrudge the -money. The trip did Fluff a world of good--it strengthened his voice, -and made him broader-minded. I tell you," he said enthusiastically, -"there's nothing like travel for broadening the mind! Look at Fluff! -Maybe he don't show it, but that dog's mind is so broadened by travel -that if he was turned loose in Alaska he would find his way home. When -I found his mind was getting so tremendously broad I stopped sending him -to places. Brownlee--Brownlee knows all about dogs--said it would not -hurt Fluff a bit; he said a dog's mind could not get too broad, and -that as far as he was concerned he would just like to see once how -broad-minded a dog could become; he would like to have Fluff sent out -by express every time he came back. He told me it was an interesting -experiment--that so far as he knew it had never been tried before--and -that the thing I ought to do was to keep Fluff traveling all the time. -He said that so far as he knew it was the only way to get rid of Fluff; -that some time while he was traveling around in the express car there -might be a wreck, and we would be rid of Fluff; and if there wasn't a -wreck, it would be interesting to see what effect constant travel would -have on a coarse dog. He said I might find after a year or two that I -had the most cultured dog in the United States. Brownlee was willing to -have me send Fluff anywhere. He suggested a lot of good places to -send dogs, but he didn't care enough about dog culture to help pay the -express charges." - -"I see, Murchison," I said scornfully, "I see! You are the kind of a man -who would let a little money stand between you and getting rid of a -dog like Fluff! If I had a dog like Fluff, nothing in the world could -prevent me from getting rid of him. I only wish, he was my dog." - -"Take him!" said Murchison generously; "I make you a full and free -present of him. You can have that dog absolutely and wholly. He is -yours." - -"I will take the dog," I said haughtily, "not because I really want a -dog, nor because I hanker for that particular dog, but because I can see -that you and Brownlee and Massett have been trifling with him. Bring him -over in my yard, and I will show you in very short measure how to get -rid of Fluff." - -That afternoon both Brownlee and Massett called on me. They came and sat -on my porch steps, and Murchison came and sat with them, and all three -sat and looked at Fluff and talked him over. Every few minutes -they would--Brownlee and Massett would--get up and shake hands with -Murchison, and congratulate him on having gotten rid of Fluff, and -Murchison would blush modestly and say: - -"Oh, that is nothing! I always knew I would get rid of him." And there -was the dog not five feet from them, tied to my lawn hydrant. I watched -and listened to them until I had had enough of it, and then I went into -the house and got my shotgun. I loaded it with a good BB shell and went -out. - -[Illustration: 62] - -Fluff saw me first. I never saw a dog exhibit such intelligence as Fluff -exhibited right then. I suppose travel had broadened him, and probably -the hydrant was old and rusted out, anyway. When a man moves into a -house he ought to have _all_ the plumbing attended to the first thing. -Any ordinary, unbroadened dog would have lain down and pulled, but Fluff -didn't. First he jumped six feet straight into the air, and that pulled -the four feet of hydrant pipe up by the roots, and then he went away. -He took the hydrant and the pipe with him, and that might have surprised -me, but I saw that he did not know where he was going nor how long he -would stay there when he reached the place, and a dog can never tell -what will come handy when he is away from home. A hydrant and a piece of -iron pipe might be the very thing he would need. So he took them along. - -If I had wanted a fountain in my front yard, I could not have got one -half as quickly as Fluff furnished that one, and I would never have -thought of pulling out the hydrant to make me one. Fluff thought of -that--at least Brownlee said he thought of it--but I think all Fluff -wanted was to get away. And he got away, and the fountain didn't happen -to be attached to the hydrant, so he left it behind. If it had been -attached to the hydrant, he would have taken it with him. He was a -strong dog. - -"There!" said Brownlee, when we had heard the pipe rattle across the -Eighth Street bridge--"there is intelligence for you! You ought to be -grateful to that dog all your life. _You_ didn't know it was against -the law to discharge a gun in the city limits, but Fluff did, and he -wouldn't wait to see you get into trouble. He has heard us talking about -it, Murchison. I tell you travel has broadened that dog! Look what he -has saved you," he said to me, "by going away at just the psychological -moment. We should have told you about not firing a gun in the city -limits. You can't get rid of Fluff that way. It is against the law." - -"Yes," said Massett; "and if you knew Fluff as well as we do you would -know that he is a dog you can't shoot. He is a wonderful dog. He knows -all about guns. Brownlee tried to make a duck dog out of him, and took -him out where the ducks were--showed him the ducks--shot a gun at the -ducks--and what do you think that dog learned?" - -"To run," I said, for I had heard about Brownlee teaching Fluff to -retrieve. Brownlee blushed. - -"Yes," said Massett, "but that wasn't all. It doesn't take intelligence -to make a dog run when he sees a gun, but Fluff did not run like an -ordinary dog. He saw the gun and he saw the ducks, and he saw that -Brownlee only shot at ducks when they were on the wing. And he thought -Brownlee meant to shoot him, so what does he do? Stand still? No; he -tries to fly. Gets right up and tries to fly. He thought that was what -Brownlee was trying to teach him. He couldn't fly, but he did his -best. So whenever Fluff sees a gun, he is on the wing, so to speak. You -noticed he was on the wing, didn't you?" - -I told him I had noticed it. I said that as far as I could judge, Fluff -had a good strong wing. I said I didn't mind losing a little thing like -a hydrant and a length or two of pipe, but I was glad I hadn't fastened -Fluff to the house--I always liked my house to have a cellar---and it -would be just like Fluff to stop flying at some place where there wasn't -any cellar. - -"Oh," said Massett, "he wouldn't have gone far with the house. A house -is a great deal heavier than a hydrant. He would probably have moved the -house off the foundation a little, but, judging by the direction Fluff -took, the house would have wedged between those two trees, and you would -have only lost a piece of the porch, or whatever he was tied to. But -the lesson is that you must not try to shoot Fluff unless you are a good -wing shot. Unless you can shoot like Davy Crockett, you would be apt to -wound Fluff without killing him, and then there _would_ be trouble!" - -"Yes," said Murchison, "the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals folks. -There is only one way in which a dog can be killed according to law in -this place, and that is to have the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals -folks do it. You send them a letter telling them you have a dog you want -killed, and asking them to come and kill it. That is according to law." - -"That," I said firmly, "is what I will do." - -"It won't do any good," said Murchison sadly; "they never come. This -addition to Gallatin is too far from their offices to be handy, and they -never come. I have eighteen deaths for Fluff on file at their offices -already, and not one of them has killed him. When you have had as much -experience with dogs as I have had you will know that the Prevention -of Cruelty to them in this town does not include killing them when -they live in the suburbs. The only way a dog can die in the suburbs of -Gallatin is to die of old age." - -"How old is Fluff?" I asked. - -"Fluff is a young dog," said Brownlee. "If he had an ordinary dog -constitution, he would live fifteen years yet, but he hasn't. He has an -extra strong constitution, and I should say he was good for twenty years -more. But that isn't what we came over for. We came over to learn how -you mean to get rid of Fluff." - -"Brownlee," I said, "I shall think up some way to get rid of Fluff. -Getting rid of a dog is no task for a mind like mine. But until he -returns and gives me back my hydrant, I shall do nothing further. I am -not going to bother about getting rid of a dog that is not here to be -got rid of." - -By the time Fluff returned I had thought out a plan. Murchison had never -paid the dog tax on Fluff, and that was the same as condemning him to -death if he was ever caught outside of the yard, but when he was outside -he could not be caught. He was a hasty mover, and little things such as -closed gates never prevented him from entering the yard when in haste. -When he did not jump over he could get right through a fence. But to -a man of my ability these things are trifles. I knew how to get rid of -Fluff. I knew how to have him caught in the street without a license. I -chained him there. - -Brownlee and Massett and Murchison came and watched me do it. Our street -is not much used, and the big stake I drove in the street was not much -in the way of passing grocery delivery wagons. I fastened Fluff to -the stake with a chain, and then I wrote to the city authorities -and complained. I said there was a dog without a license that was -continually in front of my house, and I wished it removed; and a week or -so later the dog-catcher came around and had a look at Fluff: He walked -all around him while Massett and Brownlee and Murchison and I leaned -over our gates and looked on. He was not at all what I should have -expected a dog-catcher to be, being thin and rather gentlemanly in -appearance; and after he had looked Fluff over well he came over and -spoke to me. He asked me if Fluff was my dog. I said he was. - -"I see!" said the dog-catcher. "And you want to get rid of him. If he -was my dog, I would want to get rid of him, too. I have seen lots of -dogs, but I never saw one that was like this, and I do not blame you for -wanting to part with him. I have had my eye on him for several years, -but this is the first opportunity I have had to approach him. Now, -however, he seems to have broken all the dog laws. He has not secured a -license, and he is in the public highway. It will be my duty to take him -up and gently chloroform him as soon as I make sure of one thing." - -"Tell me what it is," I said, "and I will help you make sure of ft." - -"Thank you," he said, "but I will attend to it," and with that he got on -his wagon and drove off. He returned in about an hour. - -"I came back," he said, "not because my legal duty compels me, but -because I knew you would be anxious. If I owned a dog like that, I would -be anxious, too. I can't take that dog." - -"Why not?" we all asked. - -"Because," he said, "I have been down to the city hall, and I have -looked up the records, and I find that the streets of this addition to -the city have not been accepted by the city. The titles to the property -are so made out that until the city legally accepts the streets, each -property owner owns to the middle of the street fronting his property. -If you will step out and look, you will see that the dog is on your own -property." - -[Illustration: 72] - -"If that is all," I said, "I will move the stake. I will put him on the -other side of the street." - -"If you would like him any better there," said the dog-catcher, "you can -move him, but it would make no difference to me. Then he would be on the -private property of the man who owns the property across the street." - -"But, my good man," I said, "how _is_ a man to get rid of a dog he does -not want?" - -The dog-catcher frowned. - -"That," he said, "seems to be one of the things our lawmakers have not -thought of. But whatever you do, I advise you to be careful. Do not try -any underhand methods, for now that my attention has been called to the -dog, I shall have to watch his future and see that he is not badly used. -I am an officer of the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals as well as a -dog-catcher, and I warn you to be careful what you do with that dog." - -Then he got on his wagon again and drove away. - -The next morning I was a nervous wreck, for Fluff had howled all night, -and Murchison came over soon after breakfast. He was accompanied by -Brownlee and Massett. - -"Now, I am the last man in the world to do anything that my neighbors -would take offense at," he said, as soon as they were seated on my -porch, "and Brownlee and Massett love dogs as few men ever love them; -but something has to be done about Fluff. The time has come when we must -sleep with our windows open, and neither Massett nor Brownlee nor I got -a minute of sleep last night." - -"Neither did I," I said. - -"That is different entirely," said Murchison. "Fluff is your dog, and if -you want to keep a howling dog, you would be inclined to put up with the -howl, but we have no interest in the dog at all. We do not own him, and -we consider him a nuisance. We have decided to ask you to get rid of -him. It is unjust to your neighbors to keep a howling dog. You will have -to get rid of Fluff." - -"Exactly!" said Massett. "For ten nights I have not slept a wink, and -neither has Murchison, nor has Brownlee--" - -"Nor I," I added. - -"Exactly!" said Massett. "And four men going without sleep for ten -nights is equal to one man going without sleep forty nights, which would -kill any man. Practically, Fluff has killed a man, and is a murderer, -and as you are responsible for him, it is the same as if you were a -murderer yourself; and as you were one of the four who did not sleep, -you may also be said to have committed suicide. But we do not mean to -give you into the hands of the law until we have remonstrated with you. -But we feel deeply, and the more so because you could easily give us -some nights of sleep in which to recuperate." - -"If you can tell me how," I said, "I will gladly do it. I need sleep -more at this minute than I ever needed it in my life." - -"Very well," said Massett; "just get out your shotgun and show it to -Fluff. When he sees the gun he will run. He will take wings like a -duck, and while he is away we can get a few nights' rest. That will be -something. And if we are not in good condition by that time, you can -show him the shotgun again. Why!" he exclaimed, as he grew enthusiastic -over his idea, "you can keep Fluff eternally on the wing!" - -I felt that I needed a vacation from Fluff. I unchained him and went in -to get my shotgun. Then I showed him the shotgun, and we had two good -nights of sleep. After that, whenever we felt that we needed a few -nights in peace, I just showed Fluff the shotgun and he went away on one -of his flying trips. - -But it was Brownlee--Brownlee knew all about dogs--who first called my -attention to what he called the periodicity of Fluff. - -"Now, you would never have noticed it," he said one day when Murchison -and I were sitting on my porch with him, "but I did. That is because I -have studied dogs. I know all about dogs, and I know Fluff can run. This -is because he has greyhound blood in him. With a little wolf. That is -why I studied Fluff, and how I came to notice that every time you show -him the shotgun he is gone just forty-eight hours. Now, you go and get -your shotgun and try it." - -So I tried it, and Fluff went away as he always did; and Brownlee sat -there bragging about how Fluff could run, and about how wonderful he was -himself to have thought of the periodicity of Fluff. - -"Did you see how he went?" he asked enthusiastically. "That gait was a -thirty-mile-an-hour gait. Why, that dog travels--he travels--" He took -out a piece of paper and a pencil and figured it out. "In forty-eight -hours he travels fourteen hundred and forty miles! He gets seven hundred -and twenty miles from home!" - -"It doesn't seem possible," said Murchison. "No," said Brownlee frankly, -"it doesn't." He went over his figures again. "But that is figured -correctly," he said. "If--but maybe I did not gauge his speed correctly. -And I didn't allow for stopping to turn around at the end of the out -sprint. What we ought to have on that dog is a pedometer. If I owned a -dog like that, the first thing I would get would be a pedometer." - -I told Brownlee that if he wished I would give him Fluff, and he could -put a pedometer, or anything else, on him; but Brownlee remembered he -had some work to do and went home. - -But he was right about the periodicity of Fluff. Almost on the minute at -the end of forty-eight hours Fluff returned, and Brownlee and Murchison, -who were there to receive him, were as pleased as if Fluff had been -going away instead of returning. - -"That dog," said Brownlee, "is a wonderful animal. If Sir Isaac Newton -had that dog, he would have proved something or other of universal value -by him. That dog is plumb full of ratios and things, if we only knew how -to get them out of him. I bet if Sir Isaac Newton had had Fluff as -long as you have had him he would have had a formula all worked -out--x/y(2xz-dog)=2(4ab-3x) or something of that kind, so that -anyone with half a knowledge of algebra could figure out the square root -of any dog any time of the day or night. I could get up a Law of Dog -myself if I had the time, with a dog like Fluff to work on. 'If one dog -travels fourteen hundred and forty miles at the sight of a gun, how far -would two dogs travel?' All that sort of thing. Stop!" he ejaculated -suddenly. "If one dog travels forty-eight hours at the sight of one gun, -how far would he travel at the sight of two guns? Murchison," he -cried enthusiastically, "I've got it! I've got the fundamental law of -periodicity in dogs! Go get your gun," he said to me, "and I will get -mine." - -[Illustration: 82] - -He stopped at the gate long enough to say: - -"I tell you, Murchison, we are on the verge of a mighty important -discovery--a mighty important discovery! If this thing turns out -right, we will be at the root of all dog nature. We will have the great -underlying law of scared dogs." - -He came back with his shotgun carefully hidden behind him, and then he -and I showed Fluff the two guns simultaneously. For one minute Fluff was -startled. Then he vanished. All we saw of him as he went was the dust he -left in his wake. Massett had come over when Brownlee brought over -his gun, and Murchison and I sat and smoked while Massett and Brownlee -fought out the periodicity of Fluff. Brownlee said that for two guns -Fluff would traverse the same distance as for one, but twice as quickly; -but Massett said Brownlee was foolish, and that anyone who knew anything -about dogs would know that no dog could go faster than Fluff had gone -at the sight of one gun. Massett said Fluff would travel at his regular -one-gun speed, but would travel a two-gun distance. He said Fluff would -not be back for ninety-six hours. Brownlee said he would be back in -forty-eight hours, but both agreed that he would travel twenty-eight -hundred and eighty miles. Then Murchison went home and got a map, and -showed Brownlee and Massett that if Fluff traveled fourteen hundred -miles in the direction he had started he would have to do the last two -hundred miles as a swim, because he would strike the Atlantic Ocean -at the twelve hundredth mile. But Brownlee just turned up his nose and -sneered. He said Fluff was no fool, and that when he reached the coast -he would veer to the north and travel along the beach for two hundred -miles or so. Then Massett said that he had been thinking about -Brownlee's theory, and he _knew_ no dog could do what Brownlee said -Fluff would do--sixty miles an hour. He said he agreed that a dog like -Fluff could do thirty miles an hour if he did not stop to howl, because -his howl represented about sixty horse power, but that no dog could ever -do sixty miles an hour. Then Brownlee got mad and said Massett was a -born idiot, and that Fluff not only _could_ do sixty miles, but he -could keep on increasing his speed at the rate of thirty miles per gun -indefinitely. Then they went home mad, but they agreed to be on hand -when Fluff returned. But they were not. Fluff came home in twenty-four -hours, almost to the minute. - -When I went over and told Brownlee, he wouldn't believe it at first, but -when I showed him Fluff, he cheered up and clapped me on the back. - -"I tell you," he exclaimed, "we have made a great discovery. We have -discovered the law of scared dogs. 'A dog is scared in inverse ratio to -the number of guns!' Now, it wouldn't be fair to try Fluff again without -giving him a breathing spell, but to-morrow I will come over, and we -will try him with four guns. We will work this thing out thoroughly," he -said, "before we write to the Academy of Science, or whatever a person -would write to, so that there will be no mistake. Before we give this -secret to the world we want to have it complete. We will try Fluff with -any number of guns, and with pistols and rifles, and if we can get one -we will try him with a cannon. We will keep at it for years and years. -You and I will be famous." - -I told Brownlee that if he wanted to experiment for years with Fluff -he could have him, but that all I wanted was to get rid of him; but -Brownlee wouldn't hear of that. He said he would buy Fluff of me if he -was rich enough, but that Fluff was so valuable he couldn't think of -buying him. He would let me keep him. He said he would be over the next -day to try Fluff again. - -So the next day he and Murchison and Massett came over and held a -consultation on my porch to decide how many guns they would try on -Fluff. They could not agree. Massett wanted to try four guns and have -Fluff absent only half a day, but Brownlee wanted to have me break my -shotgun in two and try that on Fluff. He said that according to the law -of scared dogs, a half a gun, working it out by inverse ratio, would -keep Fluff away for twice as long as one gun, which would be ninety-six -hours; and while they were arguing it out Fluff came around the house -unsuspectingly and saw us on the porch. He gave us one startled glance -and started north by northeast at what Brownlee said was the most -marvelous rate of speed he ever saw. Then he and Massett got down off -the porch and looked for guns, but there were none in sight. There -wasn't anything that looked the least like a gun. Not even a broomstick. -Brownlee said he knew what was the matter--Fluff was having a little -practice run to keep in good condition, and would be back in a few -hours; but, judging by the look he gave us as he went, I thought he -would be gone longer than that. - -I could see that Brownlee was worried, and as day followed day without -any return of Fluff, Murchison and I tried to cheer him up, showing him -how much better we all slept while Fluff was away; but it did not cheer -up poor Brownlee. He had set his faith on that dog, and the dog had -deceived him. We all became anxious about Brownlee's health--he moped -around so; and just when we began to be afraid he was going into a -decline he cheered up, and came over as bright and happy as a man could -be. - -"I told you so!" he exclaimed joyfully, as soon as he was inside my -gate. "And it makes me ashamed of myself that I didn't think of it the -moment I saw Fluff start off. You will never see that dog again." - -I told Brownlee that that was good news, anyway, even if it did upset -his law of scared dogs; but he smiled a superior smile. - -"Disprove nothing!" he said. "It proves my law. Didn't I say in the -first place that the time a dog would be gone was in inverse ratio -to the number of guns? Well, the inverse ratio to no guns is infinite -time--that is how long Fluff will be gone; that is how long he will run. -Why, that dog will never stop running while there is any dog left in -him. He can't help it--it is the law of scared dogs." - -"Do you mean to say," I asked him, "that that dog will run on and on -forever?" - -"Exactly!" said Brownlee proudly. "As long as there is a particle of him -left he will keep on running. That is the law." - -Maybe Brownlee was right. I don't know. But what I would like to know is -the name of some one who would like a dog that looks like Fluff, and is -his size, and that howls like him and that answers to his name. A dog of -that kind returned to Murchison's house a long time before infinity, and -I would like to get rid of him. Brownlee says it isn't Fluff; that his -law couldn't be wrong, and that this is merely a dog that resembles -Fluff. Maybe Brownlee is right, but I would like to know some one that -wants a dog with a richly melodious voice. - -THE END - - - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of That Pup, by Ellis Parker Butler - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THAT PUP *** - -***** This file should be named 44146.txt or 44146.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/4/1/4/44146/ - -Produced by David Widger - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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