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@@ -1,40 +1,4 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105, -October 14th 1893, by Various - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105, October 14th 1893 - -Author: Various - -Editor: Sir Francis Burnand - -Release Date: October 23, 2013 [EBook #44020] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, VOL. 105, OCTOBER 14TH 1893 *** - - - - -Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Malcolm Farmer, -Ernest Schaal, and the Online Distributed Proofreading -Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44020 *** [Illustration: DIVERSE AIMS. @@ -297,7 +261,7 @@ BLESS YER, IT AIN'T LIKE HER A BIT IN PRIVATE!"] _Chorus_. Oh! he's rippin', rippin'! A tailor's block set skippin', - He's all bad debts and cigarettes and bets and kuemmel-nippin', + He's all bad debts and cigarettes and bets and kümmel-nippin', His head's without a grain of sense, his hand he's got no grip in, He drags his walk and tags his talk with "Rippin', rippin', rippin'"! @@ -350,7 +314,7 @@ BLESS YER, IT AIN'T LIKE HER A BIT IN PRIVATE!"] whippin'. Oh! Whippin', whippin', I'd like to set him skippin', - To end his bets and cigarettes and stop his kuemmel-nippin', + To end his bets and cigarettes and stop his kümmel-nippin', With cure in kind his flabby mind to put a little grip in, To brisk his walk and sense his talk with whippin', whippin', whippin'! @@ -940,7 +904,7 @@ which BOBO'S gifted young friend, SALLIE RENGAW, was engaged in the early morning, picking out an original funeral march with one finger, and throwing breakfast-eggs about in the fury of inspiration. -An _oeuf a la coque_ came flying across the passage at this moment, +An _oeuf à la coque_ came flying across the passage at this moment, through the open door of the dining-room, and hit BILL SPLINTER on the nose. BILL was COKALEEK'S first-cousin, and heir-presumptive; in love, _pour le bon motif_, with BOBO. @@ -1100,7 +1064,7 @@ A VERY BAD "SCUTTLE POLICY."--The Coal Strike. * * * * * -[Illustration: Allan a Daly, Robin Hood's Chief Forester.] +[Illustration: Allan à Daly, Robin Hood's Chief Forester.] A DALY DREAM. @@ -1189,365 +1153,4 @@ On page 178, "cubbing" was replaced with "clubbing". End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105, October 14th 1893, by Various -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, VOL. 105, OCTOBER 14TH 1893 *** - -***** This file should be named 44020.txt or 44020.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/4/0/2/44020/ - -Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Malcolm Farmer, -Ernest Schaal, and the Online Distributed Proofreading -Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105, October 14th 1893 - -Author: Various - -Editor: Sir Francis Burnand - -Release Date: October 23, 2013 [EBook #44020] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, VOL. 105, OCTOBER 14TH 1893 *** - - - - -Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Malcolm Farmer, -Ernest Schaal, and the Online Distributed Proofreading -Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - -[Illustration: DIVERSE AIMS. - -(_Early Morning_.) - -_The Curate_. "YES, IT'S A LOVELY MORNING, TRENCHERMAN; JUST THE SORT TO -GIVE ONE AN APPETITE FOR BREAKFAST." - -_Farmer Trencherman_. "AH! A HAPPITITE FOR YER BREAKFAST, SIR. NOW -THERE'S THE DIFFERENCE, YER SEE. I BE COME OUT FUR TO GET A BREAKFAST -FOR MY HAPPITITE!"] - - * * * * * - - "DUE SOUTH." - - _A Trip round "the Island," and back to P'm'th_. - -_Happy Thought (on board crowded steamboat)_.--"Obstinacy is the best -policy." The obstinate man won't move, and won't speak, except in -monosyllables; he won't budge one inch for anybody; he puts everybody in -a worse temper than everybody was before, and, in the end, he wins. To -the credit of the obstinate man be it said that "he knows how to keep -his place," and does keep it too. - -A kind of second-rate sporting bookmaker, with sandy whiskers and dirty -hands, who has secured a corner seat near me, smokes like a chimney, and -the chimney, his pipe, ought to have been swept and cleaned out long -ago. Also he seems quite unable to take five whiffs without prolific -expectoration. From experience I believe he will be visited by the -steward, and told not to smoke. I am awaiting this with malicious -anticipation of pleasure. I am disappointed. A junior steward, of whom I -make the inquiry in heating of the objectionable fumigator, replies that -"Smoking _is_ allowed here, but not abaft." Thanks, very much. The -sandy-whiskered man won't go "abaft," wherever that is. Perhaps he will -presently. After a time, when it becomes a bit rougher, he disappears. -No doubt he has gone "abaft." Let him stay there. - -"_The Needles_."--Why needles? There's no more point in the name than -there is to the rocks. - -Opposite Freshwater it very naturally commences to be a bit freshish; -some people in the forepart are getting very wet; there is a stampede; -it is still fresher and rougher; but I have every confidence in the -Captain, who, as I observe, is negligently standing on the bridge, -deliberately cracking specimens of that great delicacy the early -filbert, or it may be the still earlier walnut. - -_Happy Thought_.--There can be no danger when the Captain is engaged in -cracking nuts as if they were so many jokes. - -Splashing and ducking have commenced freely. The waves do the splashing, -and the people on board do the ducking. - -There are those who look ill and keep well; and others who look well at -first, but who turn all sorts of colours within a quarter of an hour, -struggle gallantly, and succumb; children lively, but gradually -collapsing, lying about doubled up helplessly; comfortable, comely -matrons who came on board neat and tidy, now horridly uncomfortable, and -quite reckless of appearance. Here, too, is the uncertain sailor, who -considers it safer to remain seated, and who, at the end of the voyage, -is surprised to find himself in perfect health. - -_Sighting Ventnor_.--The man "who knows everything" informs us that this -is Bonchurch, which information a man with a book has of course felt -himself bound to correct. The latter tells us that it is a place called -Undercliff (which nobody for one moment believes), and both informants -are put right by a mariner with a map, who points out all the places -correctly, and confides to us in a husky voice that "that ere place -among the trees is Ventnor." - -More shower-bathing; the fore-part of the vessel quite cleared by the -attacking waves. - -However, "it soon dries off," says a jolly middle-aged gentleman in a -summer suit, drenched from tip of collar to toe of boot. - -Being well out at sea (how many are never "_well_ out at sea"!), we -catch sight of Bonchurch and the landslip. Of course we gay nautical -dogs pity the poor lubbers ashore who "live at home at ease," and who -are probably suffering from intense---- (Here my remarks, made to a -jovial companion on a camp-stool, are interrupted by a blob in the eye -from a wave. On recovery I forget what I was going to say, but fancy -"the missing word" is "heat.") - -Passing Sandown. Of course the well-informed person says, "This is where -the races are," and equally of course he is immediately contradicted by -a reduced chorus of bystanders, who pity his deplorable ignorance. Total -discomfiture of well-informed person. He disappears. "Gone below," like -a Demon in a pantomime at the appearance of the Good Fairy. - -Nice place Sandown apparently, where, it being 1.30, the happy -Wight-islanders are probably sitting down in comfort to a nice hot -lunch, while we, the jovial mariners--well, no matter. I shall wait till -I can lunch ashore. - -Our arrangements are to land at Southsea, where (so we were given to -understand) we ought to be at 2 P.M. But already it is 2 P.M., and I -dive into my provision-pocket for a broken biscuit. ... An interior -voice whispers that the broken biscuit was a mistake. I tremble. False -alarm. Southsea!! Saved!! But we are forty minutes late, and our time -for refreshment is considerably curtailed. - -We crowd off through a sort of black-hole passage. Debarking and -re-embarking might be very easily managed on a much more comfortable -plan. We pay one penny for the pier-toll, and we make for the hotel at -the entrance to the pier. Any port in a storm. Cold luncheon is ready -for those who can take it, that is, one in six. - -_Back again_.--Past Cowes and Ryde. Weather lovely; sea calm. - -There are some persons of whom I would make short work were I a Captain -on board, with power to order into irons anyone whose presence was -objectionable. And these persons are, Firstly, stout greasy women, with -damp, dirty little children. Secondly, fat old men and women (more or -less dirty) eating green, juicy pears with pocket knives. Thirdly, -smokers of strong pipes. Fourthly, smokers of cigars. Fifthly -(imprisonment with torture), for smokers of bad cigars. Sixthly, people -who will persist in attempting to walk about and who, in order to -preserve their perpendicular, are perpetually making grabs at everything -and everybody. Seventhly, aimless wanderers, who seem unable to remain -in one place for five minutes at a time. - -5.45. Old England once more. We land on P'm'th Pier. - - * * * * * - -"'LUX' AGAINST HIM."--At the Church Congress last week the gentleman -known as "Father IGNATIUS," who evidently considers an Ecclesiastical -Congress at Birmingham a mere "Brummagam affair," became uncommonly -excited. It cannot be said that his violence took the form of demanding -the blood of any antagonist, as he distinctly objected to the presence -of _Gore_. But Mr. GORE, author of _Lux Mundi_, won the toss, stood his -ground, and spoke; his speech being very favourably received. "Yet," as -the President remarked (probably to himself, as it was not reported), -"we must draw the line somewhere, and it is only a pity the LYNE has -been 'drawn' here." Subsequently the LYNE shook hands with the police, -peace was restored, and the LYNE lay down with the lamb. "See how these -Christians love one another!" - - * * * - -Why is an utterly selfish man always a most presentable person in the -very best society?--_Ans_. Because never for one minute does he forget -himself. - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: MR. PUNCH'S APPEAL--TO COAL-OWNERS, MINERS, AND ALL WHOM -IT MAY CONCERN.] - - _War!_ Is it still to be war, wild war in the heart of the land? - Are we children of England, busied in tearing our mother's breast? - And is there no ruling counsel, and is there no warning hand - To bring this folly to reason, and still this fury to rest? - _War!_ And the boons of Nature are wasted in stubborn strife, - And women, children, non-combatants, suffer and starve and stand by; - And idle hands are lifted in vain for the means of life; - And _why_? - - Ye will not list to each other, then listen to me and to _these_, - Whose mute appeal I must voice, and whose pitiful cause I must - plead! - You of the hardened hearts playing autocrat much at your ease, - And you of the hardened hands who the _end_ of the way little heed; - Listen and look and consider! The blows that you blindly strike - Like shafts that are shot at a venture, fall not alone upon foes. - The arrow shot o'er the house[1] may a brother hurt, belike-- - Who knows? - - [1] _Hamlet_, Act V., Sc. 2. - - Who _cares_? Not you, it would seem. For you stand with stubborn - front, - And backs in hatred averted, and ears to all counsels closed; - While ten thousand innocent lives of _your_ quarrel are bearing the - brunt, - And a myriad hands hang idle because _you_ are fiercely opposed. - Look at them! Gathered hungry about an empty grate. - Whilst the coal they crave lies idle within the unpeopled mine, - And Wealth and Work, at odds, when invited to arbitrate-- - Decline! - - Capital sets its face, and cocks a contemptuous nose, - And Labour, lounging sullenly, snaps its jaws like a spring; - And the land must stand at gaze whilst they fight it out as foes! - How long must we wait the issue, how long must we "keep the ring"? - Are there no rights save yours, no claims save your warring wills? - Sense has a word to say, Justice a thing to do. - Are we to wait and wait while the land with suffering thrills, - For _you_? - - Sympathy? Ay, good friends! But sympathy's not like wrath, - One-eyed, one-sided, partial. Sympathy's due to all - Who fall, fate-tripped and bruised, in your quarrel's Juggernaut path. - We think of the wives and children--Charity heeds their call; - Does she not proffer her dole "without prejudice"?--Yes, but they - Are not sole sufferers now from the Coal War's venomous strife. - Thousands of unknown hearts are pleading for Peace to-day-- - And _Life_! - - Strong men "out of work," weak women as "out of heart," - Factory gates unopened, and Workhouse gates fast shut. - Traffic hampered, arrested, piled trains unable to start. - Famine in homes and hearths, trade dead-lock and market-glut! - The coal lies there in the mine, untouched of hammer and pick, - While yon pale widow-woman must haggle in vain for enough - To charge her tiny grate! Faith! the heart that turns not sick - Is tough! - - Tough, my lords of Capital! Hard as the coal-seam black - Your Cyclops-drudges dig at--when you will allow them to dig. - Say, on your conscience now, _is_ your purse so slender and slack - That you _cannot_ bend a little to those who have made you big? - The wealth the sunlight stored men hew for you in the dark, - From the black and poisonous caverns which once were forests free, - 'Tis yours--till certain questions are asked and answered! Hark - To me! - - Men will not _always_ stand, while Monopoly wages war, - Mute, unquestioning, suffering. Greed, and starvation wage, - The crowd of want-urged captives shackled to Mammon's car, - Show not the welcomest things to this curious, questioning age. - To-day the appeal's to Pity. To-morrow--well, never mind!-- - Look on the sorrowful picture that _Punch_ commends to your view! - Man many a time has found there is wisdom in being kind. - Will _you_? - - And you poor thralls of the pit, remember that you and yours - Are not sole sufferers now from this fratricidal strife. - Yes, a starving garrison--_fights_; sharp ills demand sharp cures; - But when in your stubborn wrath you swear it is "war to the knife," - Remember that knife's at the throat of others than those who'd gain - By a victory for you in this fiercest of labour fights. - And these, too, who _must_ lose, yet have--shall they not maintain?-- - _Their_ rights! - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: "AND _SHE_ OUGHT TO KNOW!" - -"THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A PORTOGRAPH OF LADY SOLSBURY. BUT, -BLESS YER, IT AIN'T LIKE HER A BIT IN PRIVATE!"] - - * * * * * - - RIPPIN'. - - (_A Song of the Modern Masher_.) - - Oh! other centuries have had their blades, their bucks, their dandies, - Who had redeeming qualities, but what no man can stand is - The up-to-date variety, that miserable nonny, - The self-conceited jackanapes who calls himself a "Johnny." - He hasn't got the brawn or brains to go in for excesses, - His faults are feeble--like himself,--he dawdles, dines, and dresses, - His words, his hair, his silly speech to sheer negation clippin', - And when he wants to praise a thing, his only word is "Rippin'." - - _Chorus_. - - Oh! he's rippin', rippin'! A tailor's block set skippin', - He's all bad debts and cigarettes and bets and kümmel-nippin', - His head's without a grain of sense, his hand he's got no grip in, - He drags his walk and tags his talk with "Rippin', rippin', - rippin'"! - - His faultless dress is the result of unremitting study, - He's quite the perfect "Johnny," never messed and never muddy, - His coat is always baggy and his hat is always shiny, - His boots are always varnished to their pointed toes so tiny. - His shirts, his ties, his walking-sticks are marvels to remember, - And with the seasons change from January to December. - He always wears a "buttonhole," and in a huge carnation - Of hideous hue 'twixt green and blue finds special delectation. - - He has a language of his own which he elects to talk in; - He cuts his final g's and speaks of shootin', huntin', walkin'; - With slipshod phrase and hybrid slang his speeches fairly bristle, - And vulgarisms "smart" he loves as donkeys love a thistle. - He'll lay "a hun_derd_ poun_d_," or say "he ain't," quite - uncompunctive; - He systematically spurns the use of the subjunctive. - He knows "how the best people talk," and quite ignores the clamour - Of any "dash'd low nonsense," such as euphony and grammar. - - He's great upon the music-halls, can tell you what befalls there; - He drops in at the Gaiety, and ornaments the stalls there; - He knows each vapid joke by heart, and wishes that he knew more; - They quite conform in quality to _his_ idea of humour. - He skims the sportin' papers, and devours the shillin' thriller; - He counts the bard of comic songs a cut above a SCHILLER-- - In fact, they scoff at poets in his very wide-awake sphere, - And in his secret soul he has a fine contempt for SHAKSPEARE. - - He dawdles dully through his day in quite the latest fashion-- - A round of folly minus wit, and vice without its passion. - At five he walks "the Burlington," in which esteemed Arcade he - Meets various of his chosen chums--the silly and the shady; - Then to the Berkeley or Savoy at eight o'clock or later, - Much over-dressed, to over-dine, and over-tip the waiter. - The theatre next, and last his club (the which he takes delight in), - To prove his pluck by "lookin' on at other Johnnies fightin'." - - His conversation's all made up of stable and of scandal, - And tales of "chaps he knows"--whose names have mostly got a "handle." - He "don't go in" for ladies much, their style of charm is _not_ his, - Which follows on the model of the "Lotties" and the "Totties." - He doesn't sing, he doesn't dance, he has no recreation - That doesn't sap his scanty brains or sear his reputation, - In short,--for him, his antics and his never-ceasin' "rippin'," - There's just one cure would answer, and that's whippin', whippin', - whippin'. - - Oh! Whippin', whippin', I'd like to set him skippin', - To end his bets and cigarettes and stop his kümmel-nippin', - With cure in kind his flabby mind to put a little grip in, - To brisk his walk and sense his talk with whippin', whippin', - whippin'! - - * * * * * - - UNDER THE ROSE. - - (_A Story in Scenes_.) - - SCENE VIII.--_A prettily-furnished Drawing-room at the_ - MERRIDEWS' _House in Hans Place_. TIME--_About 5.30 on Saturday - afternoon_. Mrs. MERRIDEW _has a small tea-table in front of - her_. ALTHEA _is sitting on a couch close by_. _Both ladies are - wearing their hats, having just returned from a drive_. Mrs. - MERRIDEW _is young and attractive, and her frock is in the - latest fashion_; ALTHEA _is more simply dressed, though her hair - and toilette have evidently been supervised by an experienced - maid_. - -_Mrs. Merridew_. I don't think I've ever known the Park so full before -Easter as it was to-day. Try one of those hot cakes, THEA, or a jam -sandwich--we don't dine till late, you know. It's been so nice having -you, I do wish you hadn't to go on Monday--_must_ you? - -_Althea_. I'm afraid I must, CISSIE; it has been the most delightful -week; only--Clapham will seem dreadfully flat after all this. _She -sighs_. - -_Mrs. M_. Notwithstanding the excitement of Mr. CURPHEW'S conversation? - -_Alth_. Mr. CURPHEW, CISSIE? - -_Mrs. M_. Now don't pretend ignorance, dear. You have quoted Mr. CURPHEW -and his opinions often enough to show that you see and think a good deal -of him. And, really, if you colour like that at the mere mention---- - -_Alth_. Am I colouring? That last cup was so strong. And I don't see Mr. -CURPHEW at all often. He is more Mamma's friend than mine--she has a -very high opinion of him. - -_Mrs. M_. I daresay he deserves it. He's a fearfully learned and -superior person, isn't he? - -_Alth_. I--I don't know. He writes for the paper. - -_Mrs. M_. That's vague, dear. What sort of paper? Political, Scientific, -Sporting, Society--or what? - -_Alth_. I never asked; but I should think--well, he's rather _serious_, -you know, CISSIE. - -_Mrs. M_. Then it's a comic paper, my dear, depend upon it! - -_Alth_. Oh, CISSIE, I'm _sure_ it isn't. And he's very hardworking. He's -not like most men of his age, he doesn't care in the least for -amusements. - -_Mrs. M_. He must be a very lively person. But tell me--you used to tell -me everything, THEA--does this immaculate paragon show any signs of----? - -_Alth_. (_in a low voice_). I'm not sure----Perhaps--but I may be -mistaken. - -_Mrs. M_. And if--don't think me horribly impertinent--but if you're -_not_ mistaken, have you made up your mind what answer to give him? - -_Alth_. (_imploringly_). Don't tease me, CISSIE. I thought once--but now -I really don't know. I wish he wasn't so strict and severe. I wish he -understood that one can't always be solemn--that one must have a little -enjoyment in one's life, when one is young! - -_Mrs. M_. And yet I seem to remember a girl who had serious searchings -of heart, not so very long ago, as to whether it wasn't sinful to go and -see SHAKSPEARE at the Lyceum! - -_Alth_. I know; it was silly of me--but I didn't know what a theatre was -like. I'd never been to see a play--not even at the Crystal Palace. But -now I've been, I'd like to go to one every week; they're lovely, and I -don't believe anything that makes you cry and laugh like that _can_ be -wicked! - -_Mrs. M_. Ah, you were no more meant to be a little Puritan than I was -myself, dear. Heavens! When I think what an abominable prig I must have -been at Miss PRUINS'. - -_Alth_. You weren't in the least a prig, CISSIE. But you _were_ -different. You used to say you intended to devote yourself entirely to -Humanity. - -_Mrs. M_. Yes; but I didn't realise then what a lot there were of them. -And when I met FRANK I thought it would be less ambitious to begin with -_him_. Now I find there's humanity enough in FRANK to occupy the -devotion of a lifetime. But are you sure, THEA, that this journalist -admirer of yours is quite the man to----He sounds dull, dear; admirable -and all that--but, oh, so deadly dull! - -[Illustration: "Yes; but I didn't realise then what a lot there were of -them."] - -_Alth_. If he was brilliant and fond of excitement _we_ shouldn't have -known him; for we're deadly dull ourselves, CISSIE. I never knew _how_ -dull till--till I came to stay with you! - -_Mrs. M_. You're not dull, you're a darling; and if you think I'm going -to let you throw yourself away on some humdrum plodder who will expect -you to find your sole amusement in hearing him prose, you're mistaken; -because I shan't. THEA, whatever you do, don't be talked into marrying a -Dryasdust; you'll only be miserable if you do! - -_Alth_. But Mr. CURPHEW isn't as bad as that, CISSIE. And--and he hasn't -asked me yet, and when he finds out how frivolous I've become, very -likely he never will; so we needn't talk about it any more, need we? - -_Mrs. M_. Now I feel snubbed; but I don't care, it's all for your good, -my dear, and I've said all I wanted to, so we'll change the subject for -something more amusing. (Colonel MERRIDEW _comes in_.) Well, FRANK, have -you actually condescended to come in for some tea? (_To_ ALTHEA.) -Generally he says tea is all very well for women; and then goes off to -his club and has at least two cups, and I daresay muffins. - -_Col. M_. Why not say ham-sandwiches at once, CECILIA, my dear? pity to -curb your imagination! (_Sitting down_.) If that tea's drinkable, I -don't know that I won't have a cup; though it's not what I came for. I -wanted to know if you'd settled to do anything this evening, because, if -not, I've got a suggestion--struck me in the Row just after you'd -passed, and I thought I'd come back and see how _you_ felt about it. -(_He takes his tea_.) For me?--thanks. - -_Mrs. M_. We feel curious about it at present. FRANK. - -_Col. M_. Well, I thought that, as this is Miss TOOVEY'S last evening -with us, it was a pity to waste it at home. Why shouldn't we have a -little dinner at the Savoy, eh?--about eight--and drop in somewhere -afterwards, if we feel inclined? - -_Mrs. M_. Do you know that's quite a delightful idea of yours, FRANK. -That is, unless THEA has had enough of gaiety, and would rather we had a -quiet evening. Would you, dear? _To_ ALTHEA. - -_Alth_. (_eagerly_). Oh, no, indeed, CISSIE, I'm not a bit tired! - -_Mrs. M_. You're quite sure? But where could we go on afterwards, FRANK; -shouldn't we be too late for any theatre? - -_Col. M_. I rather thought we might look in at the Eldorado; you said -you were very keen to hear WALTER WILDFIRE. (_He perceives that his wife -is telegraphing displeasure_.) Eh? why, you _did_ want me to take you. - -_Alth_. (_to herself_). WALTER WILDFIRE? why, it was WALTER WILDFIRE -that CHARLES advised Mr. CURPHEW to go and hear. Mr. CURPHEW said it was -the very last thing he was likely to do. But he's so prejudiced! - -_Mrs. M_. (_trying to make her husband understand_). Some time--but I -think, not to-night, FRANK. - -_Col. M_. If it's not to-night you mayn't get another chance; they say -he's going to give up singing very soon. - -_Mrs. M_. Oh, I hope not! I remember now hearing he was going to retire, -because his throat was weak, or else he was going into Parliament, or a -Retreat, or something or other. But I'm sure, FRANK, ALTHEA wouldn't -quite like to---- - -_Col. M_. Then of course there's no more to be said. I only thought she -might be amused, you know. - -_Alth_. But indeed I should, Colonel MERRIDEW, please let us go! - -_Mrs. M_. But, THEA, dear, are you sure you quite understand what the -Eldorado _is_?--it's a music-hall. Of course it's all right, and -everyone goes nowadays; but, still, I shouldn't like to take you if -there was any chance that your mother might disapprove. You might never -be allowed to come to us again. - -_Alth_. (_to herself_). They're both dying to go, I can see; it's too -hateful to feel oneself such a kill-joy! And even Mr. CURPHEW admitted -that a music-hall was no worse than a Penny Reading. (_Aloud_.) I don't -think Mamma would disapprove, CISSIE; not more than she would of my -going to theatres, and I've been to _them_, you know! - -_Col. M_. We'd have a box, of course, and only just get there in time to -hear WILDFIRE; we could go away directly afterwards, 'pon my word, -CECILIA, I don't see any objection, if Miss TOOVEY would like to go. -Never heard a word against WILDFIRE'S singing, and as for the rest, -well, you admitted last time there was no real harm in the thing! - -_Alth_. Do say yes, CISSIE. I do want to hear this WALTER WILDFIRE so! - -_Mrs. M_. I'm not at all sure that I ought to say anything of the sort, -but there--I'll take the responsibility. - -_Col. M_. Then that's settled. We'll take great care of you, Miss -TOOVEY. I'll just go down to the Rag, CECILIA, and send out to get a -box. I'll see if I can find someone to make a fourth, and I daresay we -shall manage to amuse ourselves. [_He goes out_. - -_Mrs. M_. THEA. I really don't feel quite happy about this. I think I'll -go after FRANK and tell him not to get that box after all; he won't have -left the house yet. [_She attempts to rise_. - -_Alth_. No, CISSIE, you mustn't, if it's on my account. I won't let you! - [_She holds her back_. - -_Mrs. M_. But, THEA, think. How would you like this Mr. CURPHEW to know -that----? - -_Alth_. (_releasing her suddenly_). Mr. CURPHEW! What does it matter to -me what Mr. CURPHEW----? ... There, Colonel MERRIDEW has gone, CISSIE, I -heard the door shut. It's too late--and I'm glad of it. We shall go to -the Eldorado and hear WALTER WILDFIRE after all! [END OF SCENE VIII. - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: THAT BORE THE MAJOR!] - - * * * * * - -HYDE PARK AND KENSINGTON GARDENS. ONCE AGAIN!--M. ZOLA said "he would -give forty Hyde Parks for one Bois de Boulogne." Bravo! So would all -Londoners, especially equestrians, who year after year quietly put up -with that one Rotten Row ride, and do not unite in their hundreds to -petition "the authorities" (mysterious power!) for the opening of a ride -through Kensington Gardens from south to north, and for a few "alleys" -under the broad spreading trees, where now sometimes a few sheep, and -sometimes a nursery maid and her charge, do stray. A "proposition" -logically precedes a "rider;" in this case the proposition should come -from the riders. - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: A LARGE ORDER. - -"WHAT CAN WE GET FOR YOU, MADAM?" "WINGS!"] - - * * * * * - - "MASTERLY INACTIVITY." - - ["The terms of the Treaty give complete satisfaction to the - claims of France."--_M. le Myre de Vilers on the Franco-Siamese - Draft Treaty_.] - - _John Bull, loquitur:_-- - - Settling it! Humph! And my Jingoes, no doubt, - Would like me to shout "British Interests!" and "Robbery!!!" - Well, of course, 'tis quite clear what those two are about, - But _I_ do not feel called on to kick up a bobbery. - Poor little Siam! It's rather a shame; - But--at present--I shan't take a hand in the game. - - Complete satisfaction? Well, _that's_ something gained! - "The claims" I had fancied a trifle elastic; - "The terms" looked ambiguous, made to be strained, - To politic pressure prepared to be plastic. - _Micawber_ craved time, and a chance of "turn-up;" - And craft has its uses as well as a Krupp. - - Sturdy assertion on one side that table, - While scared acquiescence is seen on the other! - Further development of the old fable. - Wolf and the Lamb next, as brother with brother, - Or new Franco-Siamese twins may appear; - Well, I pity the Lamb, but I feel little fear. - - It isn't smart Treaties alone secure Trade, - And if I keep the Trade they may keep all their Treaties. - 'Tis not by mere craft your true Trader is made. - The Frank as a diplomat neat and complete is, - As Colonist-Trader, at settlement--shipment-- - Well, there's something seems wanting about his equipment. - - Trade gravitates somehow, by natural law, - To stickers and stayers, the firmest and fittest. - A fig for mere parchment and diplomat jaw! - Dear France, thou thy insular neighbour oft twittest - As "Shopkeeper"! Well ma'am, _j'y suis_, and shall stop; - For a Shopkeeper's one who--of course--_keeps the Shop_! - - I've had some experience. Far Hindostan, - And Canada, Africa, Egypt--ah! pardon! - That's just a sore point, and I am not the man - A rival of me and my ways to be hard on. - No; at a neat "counter" a cur only blubbers; - And they who play bowls must expect to have rubbers. - - I may have a word to put in by and by; - Young ROSEBERY, doubtless, will know how to put it. - At present on matters I'll just keep an eye. - The World's gate is Trade, and nobody can shut it - So tight--by mere Treaties--skill can't turn the handle. - One might as well bolt the back door with a candle. - - 'Tis all Swag and Swagger! I very much fear - That's true of us cock-a-whoop "Civilised Races," - Who hold that our "Influence" must find its "Sphere,"-- - At the cost of the poor yellow-skins or black faces. - We are so much alike, 'twere sheer cant to upbraid, - So I mean to stand-by--and look after my Trade! - - * * * * * - - NAMES FOR OTHER NAMES. - -The London County Council having considered the propriety of changing -the name of Great George Street, Westminster, we append a list of -localities that possibly may, later on, attract their attention. In each -case we have appended a suggested new name, chosen in the customary -arbitrary and (except in the last specimen) meaningless fashion:-- - - Trafalgar Square--Water-squirt Place. - Piccadilly--Snooks' Avenue. - Mayfair--Mews' Gardens. - Eaton Square--Pimlico Enclosure. - Haymarket--Picture-dealers' Row. - Charing Cross--Araminta Place East. - Covent Garden--Cabbage Buildings. - The Strand--Western Central High Street. - Buckingham Palace--Guelph House. - Pall Mall--Pavement Promenade. - Westminster Abbey--Members' Meeting House. - St. Paul's Cathedral--Lord Mayor's Church. - Temple Bar--Law Courts' Corner. - Chancery Lane--Smith Street East. - Fleet Street--Pedlington Place. - Whitehall--Rosebery Row. - and - Spring Gardens--County Council Folly. - - * * * * * - -SERIOUS NEWS FROM ETON COLLEGE.--Strike of the _Minors_. The Dii Majores -and the Maximi have come to terms, and the Minors have resumed fagging. - - * * * - -QUERY FOR AUTHOR AND MANAGER AT COMEDY THEATRE.--When you've been -_Sowing the Wind_ is the result _A Stitch in the Side_? - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: "MASTERLY INACTIVITY." - -JOHN BULL. "TREATY OR NO TREATY--I SHALL DO THE TRADE ALL THE SAME!"] - - * * * * * - - THE RULES OF THE RUDE. - -1. The one object which all cyclists should keep steadily in view is to -become "scorchers." There are three essentials before you can earn this -proud title. First, you must totally disregard the convenience or safety -of the public. Second, you must ride at a minimum rate of 15 miles an -hour. Third, you must develop pronounced curvature of the spine as -quickly as is compatible with your other engagements. - -2. Races should always be held on the high roads, at a time of the day -when traffic is busiest. - -3. Should you be unfortunate enough to knock down a pedestrian, do not -trouble to stop and apologise, or inquire if he's hurt. It is his -business to get out of your way, and you should remind him of this -obligation in the most forcible language at your disposal. This will -tend to make the pastime exceedingly popular among non-cyclists. - -4. If you notice an old gentleman; crossing the road, wait till you get -quite close to him, then emit a wild war-whoop, blow your trumpet, and -enjoy the roaring fun of seeing what a shock you have given him. - -5. A still better plan, if a wayfarer happens to be walking in the -middle of the road, and going in your own direction, is _not_ to signal -your approach at all, but to startle him into fits by suddenly and -silently gliding by him when he believes himself to be quite alone. The -nearer you can shave his person the better the sport. - -6. Of course the last plan is much improved if the wayfarer should be a -market woman carrying milk or eggs, and if in her fright she drops her -can or basket. Unfortunately few cyclists have the good fortune to -witness this exquisite bit of rural comedy. - - [_These Rules will now probably be thoroughly revised, as the - "National Cyclists' Union" has issued a well-timed manifesto - warning all wheelmen against "furious riding."_ - - * * * * * - -"Well," observed the amiable Mrs. SHARPTON SNAPPIE, "there's only one -person whom I rate very highly--and that's my husband." [So she did--and -rated him--soundly.] - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: A NEW TARIFF. - -"THIRD-CLASS SINGLE TO RUSWARP, PLEASE, AND A DOG-TICKET. HOW MUCH?" - -"FOURPENCE-HALFPENNY--THREEPENCE FOR THE DOG, AND THREE-HALFPENCE FOR -YOURSELF." - -"AH! YOU RECKON BY _LEGS_ ON THIS LINE."] - - * * * * * - - NOT A FAIR EXCHANGE. - - (_An Exercise to be Translated from - English into any Foreign Language_.) - -This is a thoroughly British home. I find chairs, sofas, curtains, and -carpets. They all seem to be of British manufacture. - -No, they are not of British manufacture. On the contrary, they are all -made in Germany. - -But surely this window is English? No, it is not English; it is put -together in Sweden, and erected by Swiss workmen. - -But are not these pictures, these fire-irons, these card-tables, of home -growth? No, for the pictures come from France, the fire-irons from -Belgium, and the card-tables from Austria. - -The sofa, however, was surely bought in London? It may have been bought -in London, but it was certainly made in Denmark. - -But the brass nails mast have arrived from Sheffield? No, they are now -received from parts of Portugal, Spain, and Northern Russia. - -And the coal-scuttles, surely they are made in Lambeth, Manchester, and -Liverpool? They were manufactured in those places for a while, when -other branches of trade were lost to the country, but for a long time -they have been imported from Constantinople. - -It may be assumed that the coals come from Newcastle? Certainly not, -considering that they have only just been received from New York. - -Are the bread and butter, and the other ingredients of the tea-table, -English? Oh dear no; the toast comes from Australia, the tea from -Ceylon, the sugar from the South Pole, and the butter from Gibraltar. - -It really would appear that there is nothing English about the house; -nothing save the rent and taxes, which of course are of home growth? You -are correct in your supposition; however, in exchange for these -conveniences from abroad, we have made a present to the foreigner of -something once held very dear in this country. - -And what was that? - -Our trade. English trade has left England, probably permanently, for the -Continent. - - * * * * * - - "PICTURES PROM 'PUNCH.'" - - ["Let me draw the People's pictures, and whosoever will may - preach their sermons."--_Maxims of Punchius_.] - - "Pictures from _Punch_!" Good lack! How one's memories backward it - carries. - This artful collection of BRIGGSES, and TOMPKINSES, ROBERTS, and - 'ARRIES! - Forage of fifty years from Art--granaries fuller than Coptic! - What first pleased our grandfather's eye may now brighten our - grandchild's blue optic! - Art that's humane never ages, and humour that's human's perennial. - Turn to these pages and try! You'll perceive that impeccable TENNIEL - Moved men to mirth in the Fifties that folks in the Nineties continue; - Your midriff indeed must be numb if his Yeomanry Major won't win you; - And such "Illustrations to Shakspeare," so finely drawn and so - funnily, - Might tickle Miss DELIA BACON, and knock sawdust out of "crank" - DONNELLY. - Why praise those plump, "pretty girls," with their cheeks round and - rosy as peaches, - And as full of fun as of beauty, well known to the world as JOHN - LEECH'S? - All the fan of the _Fair_! Still their arch eyes attractively flash on - The British male creature, although he _may_ growl at the follies of - Fashion. - But e'en fashion cannot kill fun. If you'd enter the evergreen - Smile-Lands, - Turn over to page twenty-one and accompany BRIGGS to the Highlands! - _Br-r-r-r_! There's a happy explosion in each individual picture! - "Sport" such as BRIGGS'S escapes the most "humanitarian" stricture. - KEANE--gentle CARLO! again! His braw feeshermen--even o' Sundays!-- - Might soften a Scotch Sabbatarian. Even the grimmest of GRUNDIES - _Must_ smile at his topers and tubthumpers, while, as for true English - scenery, - Where _is_ the magical touch that could so render gay breadths of - greenery? - Drawing-room humours, and dainty _technique_, do you favour? Fame's - _laurier_, - Everyone knows--as here proved--for all that falls on subtle DU - MAURIER. - "DICKY DOYLE'S" opulent fancy, quaint SAMBOURNE'S exhaustless - invention-- - But there, 'tis a "Humorous Art Gallery" by "Great Hands" too many to - mention. - When you have feasted on TENNIEL and KEANE, then of PARTRIDGE the turn - is, - And fed full on JOHN LEECH'S "fire," you will find lots of ditto in - FURNISS. - "Pictures from _Punch_!" That means pictures from full half a - century's story; - Humours, and fashions, and fads, English Mirth--English Girls--English - Glory! - VICTORIA'S reign set to laughter; a gay panorama of Beauty! - Buy Britons, study, enjoy! 'Tis your interest, aye, and your duty! - Here are "England--Home--Beauty" in one, and at sixpence a month. - That's not much, man! - If 'tis not your duty to "see that you get it," then _Punch_ is a - Dutchman! - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: HIS OPPORTUNITY. - -_Young Hawkins (finding young Mr. Merton, the model of his office, in an -unexpected haunt)_. "HULLO, MERTON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? HAVE A -SHERRY AND BITTERS?" - -_Young Merton_. "NO, THANK YOU, HAWKINS; I'M AFRAID IT WOULD GO TO MY -HEAD." - -_Hawkins_. "SO MUCH THE BETTER, OLD MAN. NATURE ABHORS A VACUUM. YOU -KNOW."] - - * * * * * - - BOBO. - - (_The kind of Novel Society likes_.) - -"Sling me over a two-eyed steak, BILL," said BOBO. - -BILL complied instantly, for he knew the lady's style of conversation; -but Lord COKALEEK required to be told that his Marchioness -was asking for one of the bloaters in the silver dish in front of his -cousin, BILL SPLINTER. - -Now, dear reader, I 'm not going to describe Cokaleek House, in the -black country, or COKALEEK, or BOBO, or BILL. If you are in smart -society you know all about them beforehand; and if you ain't you must -puzzle them out the best way you can. The more I don't describe them -the more vivid and alive they ought to seem to you. As for BOBO, I -shall let her talk. That's enough. In the course of my two -volumes--one thick and one thin--which is a new departure, and looks -as if my publisher thought that BOBO would stretch to three volumes, -and then found she wouldn't--you will be told, 1, that BOBO had brown -eyes; 2, that she was five foot eight; and that is all you 'll ever -know about the outside of BOBO. But you'll hear her talk, and you'll -see her smoke; and if you can't evolve a fascinating personality out -of cigarettes, and swears, and skittish conversation, you are not -worthy to have known BOBO. - -I am told that some people have taken "BOBO" for a vulgar caricature -of a real personage. If they have, I can only say I feel flattered by -the notion, as it may serve to differentiate me from the vulgar herd -of novelists who draw on their imagination for their characters. - - * * * - - CHAPTER I. (_and others_). - -BOBO began her bloater. - -"Why the beast has a hard roe!" she cried. "COKALEEK, you shall have the -roe;" and she dropped it into his tea before he could object. "You're -not eating any breakfast. Put the mustard-spoon in his mouth, BILL, if -he insists upon keeping it wide open while he stares at me. Ain't I -fascinating this morning? Why the devil don't you notice the new feather -in my hat? I always wear feathers when I'm going out clubbing, because I -plume myself upon being smart. Here, somebody see if my spur's screwed -on all right." - -"I wish your head was screwed on half as well," said BILL, as BOBO -planted her handsome Pinet boot, No. 31z, on the breakfast-table. - -COKALEEK looked on and smiled, with his mouth still open. It was all he -had to do in life. He had married her because she was BOBO; and the more -she out-Bobo'd BOBO, the better she pleased him. He was a marquis, and a -millionaire, but he had only one drawing-room at his country-seat; and -the smoking-room was upstairs--obviously because there was no room for -it on the ground-floor. And there was only one piano in the house, at -which BOBO'S gifted young friend, SALLIE RENGAW, was engaged in the -early morning, picking out an original funeral march with one finger, -and throwing breakfast-eggs about in the fury of inspiration. - -An _oeuf à la coque_ came flying across the passage at this moment, -through the open door of the dining-room, and hit BILL SPLINTER on the -nose. BILL was COKALEEK'S first-cousin, and heir-presumptive; in love, -_pour le bon motif_, with BOBO. - -"You should always give SALLIE poached eggs," he remonstrated, holding -his nose; "they make a worse mess when she pitches them about, but they -only hurt the furniture." - -"Does she always chuck eggs?" asked COKALEEK, mildly. - -It was BOBO'S first autumn at Cokaleek House, and the Marquis wasn't -used to the ways of her gifted friends. She had another friend, besides -the musical lady, a Miss MIRANDA SKEGGS, whose conversation was like a -bad dream; and these two, with BILL SPLINTER, were the house-party. -COKALEEK, waking suddenly from an after-dinner nap, used to think he was -in Hanwell. - -"She chucks anything," answered BOBO; "kidneys, chops, devilled bones. -How can she help it? That's the divine afflatus." - -"It _sounds_ like ta-ra-ra-boomdeay," said COKALEEK, who thought his -wife meant the melody that SALLIE'S muscular forefinger was thumping out -on the concert-grand. - -"Come, come along, every manjack of you!" shrieked SALLIE, from the -other side of the passage. "Ain't this glorious? Ain't it majestic? -Don't it bang BEETHOVEN, and knock SULLIVAN into a cocked-hat? Hark at -this! Ta-ra-ra! _largo_, for the hautboys and first fiddles. Boom! -cornets and ophicleides. De----ay! bassoons, double-basses, and -minute-guns on the big drum. There's a funeral march for you! With my -learned orchestration it will be as good as SEBASTIAN BACH." - -"Back? Why he's never been here in my time," faltered COKALEEK. "I don't -know any feller called SEBASTIAN." - -"Rippin'!" cried BOBO; "and now we'll have the funeral. Get all the -cloaks and umbrellas off the stand, MIRANDA. BILL, bring me the -coal-scuttle--that's for the coffin, doncherknow. COKALEEK, you and BILL -are to be a pair of black horses; and me and MIRANDA 'll be the -mourners. Play away, SALLIE, with all your might. We're doing the -funeral." - -Out flew BOBO into the garden, driving BILL and COKALEEK before her, -scattering coals all over the gravel walk, and slashing at the two men -with her pocket-handkerchief. She rushed all round the house, past the -windows of the back parlour, kitchen, and scullery; and then she -suddenly remembered the cub-hunting, and tore off to the stables, -tally-ho-ing to COKALEEK and BILL to follow her. The next thing they all -saw was a shower of baking-pears tumbling off the garden-wall, as BOBO -took it on her favourite hunter. She had been essentially BOBO all that -morning. - - CHAPTER XIII. - -"BILL," said BOBO, one winter twilight, by the smoking-room fire, after -her fourteenth cigarette, "I want you to run away with me." - -"Rot," answered BILL. - -"Yes, I do. I've ordered the carriage for half-past ten this evening. We -shall catch the mail to Euston." - -"You won't catch this male," said BILL. "No, BOBO, you're very good -fun--in your own house, but I don't want you in mine. You are distinctly -BOBO, but that's all. It isn't enough to live upon. It won't pay rent -and taxes." - -"You're a cur." - -"No, I'm trying to be a gentleman. Besides, what's the matter with -COKALEEK? Hasn't he millions, and a charming house in the heart of the -collieries?" - -"He's all that's delightful, only I happen to hate him. Directly I leave -off chaffing him I begin to think of arsenic, and, brilliant as I am, I -can't coruscate all day. It's very mean of you not to want to elope." - -"I daresay; but I'm the only rational being in the book, and I want to -sustain my character." - - CHAPTER THE LAST. - -BOBO stayed, and BILL went in the carriage that had been ordered for the -elopement; and then there happened an incident so rare in the realms of -fiction that it has stamped my novel at once and for ever as the work of -an original mind. - -COKALEEK, the noble, unappreciated husband, got himself killed in the -hunting-field. He went out with BOBO one morning, and she came home, a -little earlier than usual, without him, and smoked cigarettes by the -fire, while he stayed out in the dusk and just meekly rolled over a -hedge, with his horse uppermost. He wasn't like GUY LIVINGSTONE; he -wasn't a bit like dozens of heroes of French novels, who have died the -same kind of death. He was just as absolutely COKALEEK as his wife was -BOBO. - -And did BILL marry BOBO, or BOBO BILL? - -Not she! Another woman might have done it--but not BOBO. She knew too -well what the intelligent reader expected of her; so she jilted BILL, in -a thoroughly cold-blooded and BOBO-ish manner, and got herself married -to an Austrian Prince at half-an-hour's notice, by special licence from -the A. of C. - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: FOLLOWING THE EXAMPLE OF MR. GLADSTONE AND MR. GOSCHEN, -MR. PUNCH VISITS EDINBURGH.] - - * * * * * - -LE PREUX CHEVALIER ENCORE!--After a little dinner at FRASCATI'S, which -is still "going strong," we paid a visit to the Renovated and Enlarged -Royal Music Hall, Holborn, and were soon convinced that the best things -Mr. ALBERT CHEVALIER has yet done are the coster songs, not to be -surpassed, including the "_Little Nipper_," in which is just the one -touch of Nature that makes the whole audience sympathetically -costermongerish. "_My Old Dutch_" was good, but lacking in dramatic -power, and the latest one "_The Lullaby_," sung by a coster to his -"biby" in the cradle, wouldn't be worth much if it weren't for Mr. -CHEVALIER'S reputation as a genuine comedian. It is good, but not equal -to the "_Little Nipper_." "Full to-night," I observed to Lord ARTHUR -SWANBOROUGH, who is Generalissimo of the forces "in front" of the house. -"Yes," replies his Lordship, casually, "it's like this every night. -Highly respectable everywhere. Only got to have in a preacher, we'd -supply the choristers, and you'd think it was a service--or something -like it." - - * * * - -BY OUR OWN PHILOSOPHER.--Woe to him of whom all men speak well! And woe -to that seaside or inland country place for which no one has anything -but praise. It soon becomes the fashion; its natural beauties vanish; -the artificial comes in. Nature abhors a vacuum; so does the builder. -Yet Nature creates vacuums and refills them; so does the builder. Nature -is all things to all men; but the builder has his price. Man, being a -landed proprietor and a sportsman, preserves; but he also destroys, and -the more he preserves so much the more does he destroy. Nature gives -birth and destroys. Self-preservation is Nature's first law, and game -preservation is the sporting landlord's first law. - - * * * - -PAIN IN PROSPECT.--Says AUGUSTUS DRURIOLANUS (_Advertiscus_), "_A Life -of Pleasure_ will last until it is crowded out by the Christmas -pantomime." Epigramatically, our DRURIOLANUS might have said, "_A Life -of Pleasure_ will last till the first appearance of PAYNE." - - * * * - -"TAKE MY BEN'SON!"--"_Don't! Don't!_" a moral antidotal story as a -sequel to "_Dodo_." - - * * * - -A VERY BAD "SCUTTLE POLICY."--The Coal Strike. - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: Allan à Daly, Robin Hood's Chief Forester.] - - A DALY DREAM. - -If it be true that "a thing of beauty is a joy for ever," then _The -Foresters_ at Daly's Theatre ought to have a good run, instead of being -limited to a certain number of representations. Rarely has a scene of -more fairy-like beauty been placed on the stage than _Maid Marian's_ -dream in Sherwood Forest. The peculiar light in which the fairies appear -gives a marvellous elfinesque effect to the woodland surroundings. Sir -ARTHUR SULLIVAN'S music, too, may be reckoned as among some of his -happiest efforts, and the gay Savoyard (who has only one rival, and he -is at the Savoy) is fortunate in such principals as the _First Fairy_, -Miss GASTON MURRAY, and Miss HASWELL as _Titania_. The Fairy Chorus and -the Forester Chorus are remarkably efficient. Mr. LLOYD DAUBIGNY as -_Young Scarlet_ the Outlaw, is bright both as tenor and actor. Mr. -BOURCHIER is an easy-going representative of the EARL OF HUNTINGDON, -with just enough suggestion of "divilment" in his face to account for -his so readily and naturally taking to robbery as a profession. - -As _Maid Marian_, Miss ADA REHAN is at once dignified yet playful, and -as Tennysonianly captivating in her boy's clothes (there were ready-made -tailors to hand in the days of ISAAC of York), which is of course "_a -suit of male_," as she is when, as _Rosalind_, she delights us in her -doublet and hose. Fortunate is Tailor-_Maid Marian_ to obtain a -situation in the country where so many "followers are allowed"! _Little -John_, _Will Scarlet_, _Old Much_ who does little, but that little well, -with many others, make up the aforesaid "followers," who are of course -very fond of chasing every little dear they see among the greenwood -trees. Miss CATHERINE LEWIS as _Kate_, with a song, one of Sir ARTHUR'S -extra good ones, about a Bee (is it in the key of "B," for Sir ARTHUR -dearly loves a merrie jest?), obtained a hearty encore on the first -night. Not only her singing of the bee song is good, but her -stage-buzzyness is excellent. - -Mr. HANN'S ('ARRY thinks there's a "lady scene-painter 'ere, and her -name is HANN") and Mr. RYAN'S scenery is first-rate; and if the business -of the fighting were more realistic, if the three Friars were a trifle -less pantomimic, and the three grotesquely-got-up beggars (worthy of -CALLOT'S pencil) would aim at being less actively funny, with one or two -other "ifs," including _Friar Tuck's_ general make-up which might be -vastly improved, and if the last Act were shortened, and the Abbot and -the Sheriff and the Justiciary were compressed into one, or -abolished,--any of which alterations may have been effected by now, -seeing the piece was produced just a week ago,--then the attractions of -_Maid Marian_ and the fairy scene and the music are of themselves -sufficient to draw all lovers of the poetic musical drama to Daly's for -some weeks to come, unless Mr. DALY clips the run with the scissors of -managerial fate, - - "For be it understood - It would have lived much longer if it could," - -and so banishes his own outlaws from the elegant and commodious theatre -in Leicester Square. - -[Illustration: The Villain of the Piece.] - - * * * - -NEW NOVEL.--"_The Mackerel of the Dean_," by the author of -"_The Soul of the Bishop_." - - * * * * * - - Transcriber Notes: - -Passages in italics were indicated by _underscores_. - -Small caps were replaced with ALL CAPS. - -Throughout the document, the oe ligature was replaced with "oe". - -Throughout the dialogues, there were words used to mimic accents of -the speakers. Those words were retained as-is. - -Errors in punctuations and inconsistent hyphenation were not corrected -unless otherwise noted. - -On page 178, "cubbing" was replaced with "clubbing". - - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. -105, October 14th 1893, by Various - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, VOL. 105, OCTOBER 14TH 1893 *** - -***** This file should be named 44020-8.txt or 44020-8.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/4/0/2/44020/ - -Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Malcolm Farmer, -Ernest Schaal, and the Online Distributed Proofreading -Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Thus, we do not necessarily -keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. - - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: - - http://www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/44020-8.zip b/44020-8.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 42ce9a7..0000000 --- a/44020-8.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/44020-h.zip b/44020-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 34a993a..0000000 --- a/44020-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/44020-h/44020-h.htm b/44020-h/44020-h.htm index a2b43a8..ee12bd2 100644 --- a/44020-h/44020-h.htm +++ b/44020-h/44020-h.htm @@ -5,7 +5,7 @@ <head> -<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" /> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=UTF-8" /> <title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Punch, October 14, 1893.</title> @@ -109,47 +109,7 @@ div.tnote { </head> <body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105, -October 14th 1893, by Various - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105, October 14th 1893 - -Author: Various - -Editor: Sir Francis Burnand - -Release Date: October 23, 2013 [EBook #44020] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, VOL. 105, OCTOBER 14TH 1893 *** - - - - -Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Malcolm Farmer, -Ernest Schaal, and the Online Distributed Proofreading -Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44020 ***</div> <h1>PUNCH,<br /> OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.</h1> @@ -481,7 +441,7 @@ bless yer, it ain't like her a bit in Private!</span>"</p> <div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> <p class="i2">Oh! he's rippin', rippin'! A tailor's block set skippin',</p> -<p class="i2">He's all bad debts and cigarettes and bets and kümmel-nippin',</p> +<p class="i2">He's all bad debts and cigarettes and bets and kümmel-nippin',</p> <p class="i2">His head's without a grain of sense, his hand he's got no grip in,</p> <p class="i2">He drags his walk and tags his talk with "Rippin', rippin', rippin'"!</p> </div> @@ -543,7 +503,7 @@ bless yer, it ain't like her a bit in Private!</span>"</p> <div class="stanza"> <p class="i2">Oh! Whippin', whippin', I'd like to set him skippin',</p> -<p class="i2">To end his bets and cigarettes and stop his kümmel-nippin',</p> +<p class="i2">To end his bets and cigarettes and stop his kümmel-nippin',</p> <p class="i2">With cure in kind his flabby mind to put a little grip in,</p> <p class="i2">To brisk his walk and sense his talk with whippin', whippin', whippin'!</p> </div> @@ -1289,7 +1249,7 @@ morning, picking out an original funeral march with one finger, and throwing breakfast-eggs about in the fury of inspiration.</p> -<p class="indent">An <i>œuf à la coque</i> came flying across +<p class="indent">An <i>œuf à la coque</i> came flying across the passage at this moment, through the open door of the dining-room, and hit <span class="smcap">Bill Splinter</span> on the nose. <span class="smcap">Bill</span> was <span class="smcap">Cokaleek's</span> @@ -1468,7 +1428,7 @@ as a sequel to "<i>Dodo</i>."</p> <div class="figleft" style="width:25%;"> <a href="images/180.png"><img width="100%" src="images/180.png" alt=""/></a> -<p class="center">Allan à Daly, Robin Hood's Chief Forester.</p> +<p class="center">Allan à Daly, Robin Hood's Chief Forester.</p> </div> <p class="indent">If it be true that "a thing of beauty is a joy for ever," then <i>The @@ -1587,387 +1547,7 @@ unless otherwise noted.</p> <p class="indent">On page 178, "cubbing" was replaced with "clubbing".</p> </div> - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. -105, October 14th 1893, by Various - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, VOL. 105, OCTOBER 14TH 1893 *** - -***** This file should be named 44020-h.htm or 44020-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/4/0/2/44020/ - -Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Malcolm Farmer, -Ernest Schaal, and the Online Distributed Proofreading -Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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