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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 43437 ***
+
+Transcriber's Note
+
+This version on the text cannot represent all the typographical features
+of the original. Text which was printed in italic is indicated by '_'
+delimiters as _italic_. Bold text is rendered using '=' as =bold=. The
+'oe' ligature appears, in the word 'oeconomy' or 'oeconomist', both as
+separate letters and in its ligature form. Here, all instances are
+rendered using the separate 'oe'.
+
+The edition from which this text is derived contained a number of
+printer's errors, based on a comparison with a contemporary edition.
+These have been corrected.
+
+The more detailed note at the end of this text provides an account of
+any changes made.
+
+
+
+
+                               MEMOIRS OF
+                              MISS SIDNEY
+                                BIDULPH
+
+                             Extracted from
+                        her own Journal, and now
+                            first published
+
+                            FRANCES SHERIDAN
+
+
+    The Editor of the following sheets takes this opportunity of
+    paying the tribute due to exemplary Goodness and distinguished
+    Genius, when found united in One Person, by inscribing these
+    Memoirs to
+
+
+                               THE AUTHOR
+                                   OF
+                                CLARISSA
+                                  AND
+                         Sir CHARLES GRANDISON
+
+
+
+
+                                CONTENTS
+
+
+                          =Volume I=   (1)
+
+                   The Editor's Introduction  (3)
+                Memoirs of Miss Sidney Bidulph  (9)
+                         The Journal  (11)
+
+                         =Volume II=  (141)
+
+                        =Volume III=  (287)
+
+             Cecilia's Narrative &c. being a Supplement to
+                    Mrs. Arnold's Journal  (423)
+
+
+
+
+                                VOLUME I
+
+
+
+
+                       THE EDITOR'S INTRODUCTION
+
+
+I was invited to pass a month last summer in Buckinghamshire by a
+friend, who paid annually a visit to his mother: a lady pretty far
+advanced in years, but extremely chearful, sensible, and well-bred.
+
+She lived altogether in the country, in a good old fashioned house,
+which was part of her jointure; and it was to this hospitable mansion he
+carried me.
+
+The lady received me very politely, as her son's friend; and I have
+great reason to be obliged to him for the introduction.
+
+My friend and I generally dedicated our evenings to the entertainment of
+this obliging Lady. She loved reading, and was a woman of an excellent
+taste; but as her years rendered that employment not so easy to her as
+it had been, her son and myself usually spared her the task, and read to
+her such authors as she chose for her entertainment; nor was she so
+confined to particular studies, as not to allow us to vary our subjects
+as inclination led us.
+
+It happened one evening, which was on the eve of the day appointed for
+our departure, that we had made choice of the tragedy of Douglas for our
+entertainment, when a neighbouring lady (a sensible woman) who had drank
+tea with us, desired to make one of our auditors.
+
+After the tea-table was removed, we entered on our task; my friend and I
+reading alternately, to relieve each other, that we might not injure the
+performance by a wearied or flat delivery.
+
+Neither of the ladies had ever seen or read this play before; and both
+gave that true testimony of nature to its merit, tears.
+
+When we had finished the reading of it, they each in her turn bestowed
+high praises on it; but the visitor lady said, that notwithstanding the
+pleasure it had afforded her upon the whole, she had one great
+objection to it. We were all impatient to know what it was. I think said
+she, that the moral which it inculcates is a discouraging lesson,
+especially to youth; for the blooming hero of this story, though adorned
+with the highest virtues of humanity, truth, modesty, gratitude, filial
+piety, nobleness of mind, and valour in the most eminent degree, is not
+only buried in obscurity, by a severe destiny, till he arrives at
+manhood, but when he emerges into light, is suddenly cut off by an
+untimely death, and that at a juncture too, when we might (morally
+speaking) say his virtues _ought_ to have been rewarded.
+
+We each spoke our thoughts on the subject, as opinion led us, when the
+old lady drew our attention, which she always does, whenever she
+delivers her sentiments.
+
+I should think as you do, madam, said she, if there were not too many
+melancholy precedents to give a sanction to the fable of that tragedy. I
+do not say but that the poet, who is at liberty to dispose as he pleases
+of the works of his own creation, may as well reward and punish
+according to the measures of justice in this life; it might perhaps make
+a better impression, and indeed afford a more prevalent example, to the
+generality of young people. I say therefore, I do not take upon me to
+defend an opposite conduct upon principles of poetic justice, but surely
+the poet who prefers that course, may be justified in it from every
+day's experience. If we always saw virtuous people successful in their
+pursuits, and their days crowned with prosperity, there would be more
+force in your objection; but the direct contrary is a truth, which every
+body who has lived but a moderate number of years, must have been
+convinced of from their own observation. Amongst heathens indeed, who
+looked no farther than _this_ life for good and evil, and whose only
+incitement to virtue was the praise of men, or what _they_ called glory,
+such morals might be dangerous; but surely amongst us Christians they
+_cannot_, at least _ought_ not to have any ill effect.
+
+On the contrary, I think it should serve to confirm that great lesson
+which we are all taught indeed, but which we seldom think of reducing to
+practice, _viz._ to use the good things of this life with that
+indifference, which things that are neither permanent in their own
+nature, nor of any estimation in the fight of God, deserve.
+
+On the other hand, to consider the evils which befall us, as equally
+temporary, and no more dispensed by the great ruler of all things for
+punishments, than the others are for rewards; and by thus estimating
+both, to look forward for an equal distribution of justice, to that
+place only, where (let our station be what it will) our lot is to be
+unchangeable. It is in this light that I was instructed in my early days
+to consider the various portions that fall to the share of mankind;
+which very often, as far as we can see, appear extremely partial; and no
+doubt would really be so, were there not an invisible world where the
+distributions are just and equal. From this reflection I have drawn
+comfort in many trying incidents of my life; but in none more than the
+unhappy fate of a lady, who was my particular friend; and who, tho' a
+woman of most exemplary virtue, was, thro' the course of her whole life,
+persecuted by a variety of strange misfortunes. This lady, to use your
+expression, madam (addressing her friend), to all human appearance,
+_ought_ at last to have been rewarded even here--but her portion was
+affliction. What then are we to conclude? but, that God does not
+estimate things as we do. It is ignorant, as well as sinful, to arraign
+his providence. We daily see its dispensations with our own eyes, in the
+various accidents of life. Why should we not then allow the poet to copy
+from life, and exhibit to our view events, the probability of which are
+founded on general experience?
+
+We are indeed so much used to what they call poetical justice, that we
+are disappointed in the catastrophe of a fable, if every body concerned
+in it be not disposed of according to the sentence of that judge which
+we have set up in our own breasts.
+
+The contrary we know happens in real life; let us not then condemn what
+is drawn from real life.--We may wish to see nature copied from her more
+pleasing works; but a martyr expiring in tortures, is as just, though
+not as agreeable, a representation of her, as a hero rewarded with the
+brightest honours.
+
+We agreed with the venerable lady in her observations; and her son
+taking occasion from her mentioning that unfortunate person, who was her
+friend, told her, he would take it as a particular favour, if she would
+oblige me with the sight of that lady's story.
+
+She answered, that as we had fixed up the next day for our departure,
+there would not be time for me to peruse it, but that she would entrust
+me with it to take it to town, that I might read it at my leisure. It is
+drawn up, said she, for the most part, by the lady herself, and the
+occasion of its being so was this. She and I had been intimate from our
+childhood; we were play-fellows when young, and constant companions as
+we grew up. We always called each other sister, and loved as well as if
+we had really borne that relationship to each other. It was our
+continual practice from children to keep little journals of what daily
+happened to us; these, in all our short absences, were matter of great
+entertainment to us; we constantly communicated them when we met, or if
+we chanced to be separated by any distance, we made a mutual exchange by
+the post of our little diurnal registers, having made each a solemn
+promise, not to conceal an incident, or even a thought, of the least
+moment, from the other; and this promise I believe was religiously kept
+up during a correspondence of many years.
+
+I had a brother about three years older than myself; a very promising
+young man. He was an only son, and the darling of his parents: when he
+had finished his studies, my father thought of sending him abroad, but
+his fondness for him made him resolve to accompany him himself.
+
+A better tutor or a better guide he could not have found for him; my
+father was then in the prime of life, he had no other children but him
+and me. My mother, as fond of me as he was of his son, and perfectly
+affectionate to my father, expressed her wish to let both her and me be
+of his party. She said, she thought a young lady, under proper conduct,
+might improve as much by seeing foreign courts, and the various customs
+of different nations, as a young gentleman.
+
+I was then about sixteen: my father readily consented, as he perfectly
+loved my mother; and we all four set out on our tour together. It was my
+lot, after I had been some time abroad, to marry an English gentleman,
+then resident at Vienna; this occasioned my continuing there some years,
+and it was during that space of time that I had the occurrences of my
+friend's life from her own hand. As she had kept up to the method we had
+agreed on of communicating every thing that happened, even to trivial
+matters, it generally encreased the bulk of the packets I used to
+receive from her to a prodigious size: these she sent off occasionally,
+at nearer or more distant periods of time, according as I gave her the
+opportunity, by letting her know our motions.
+
+I have from those selected the most material parts of her history, and
+connected them so as to make one continued narrative.
+
+There were long intervals of time between many of the most important
+incidents of her life; but as the passages which intervened were either
+foreign to the main scope of her story, or too trivial to be recorded,
+in copying her papers they were omitted.
+
+I have myself prefixed to her story a very brief account of the lady's
+family.
+
+Thus much, Sir, added the good lady, I thought necessary to premise to
+you, for your better understanding her history, which I have never yet
+shewn to any body but my son.
+
+When I took my leave, she put the manuscript into my hands, with a
+charge to be careful of it.
+
+We returned to town, and in less than three weeks I had the
+mortification to hear that this respectable old Lady, by whom I had been
+entertained with so much friendship and politeness, was dead. Her son
+(my friend) was on this occasion obliged to go down into
+Buckinghamshire; it was some months before I saw him again, as he had a
+good deal of family business to settle.
+
+When he came back to London, I offered to return him the manuscript,
+which he had quite forgot. He told me, as he had all the original
+papers, _that_ copy was at my service.
+
+I then expressed my wish that it were made public. To this he at first
+objected, as he said there were several persons living, related to the
+parties concerned in some of the principal events of the story, who
+might take umbrage at it. I told him, that this might easily be
+obviated, by changing the names both of persons and places, which I
+would undertake to do throughout the whole; and I was afterwards so
+urgent with him to comply with my request, that he at last yielded. With
+his consent therefore I give it to the world, just as I received it,
+without any alteration, excepting the proposed one of a change of
+names.
+
+
+
+
+                     MEMOIRS OF MISS SIDNEY BIDULPH
+
+
+Mrs Catharine Sidney Bidulph, was the daughter of Sir Robert Bidulph of
+Wiltshire. Her father died when she was very young; and of ten children
+none survived him but this lady, and his eldest son, afterwards Sir
+George Bidulph. The family estate was not very considerable; and Miss
+Bidulph's portion was but four thousand pounds; a fortune however at
+that time but quite contemptible: it was in the beginning of queen Ann's
+reign.
+
+Lady Bidulph was a woman of plain sense, but exemplary piety; the
+strictness of her notions (highly commendable in themselves) now and
+then gave a tincture of severity to her actions, though she was ever
+esteemed a truly good woman.
+
+She had educated her daughter, who was one of the greatest beauties of
+her time, in the strictest principles of virtue; from which she never
+deviated, through the course of an innocent, though unhappy life.
+
+Sir George Bidulph was nine or ten years older than his sister. He was a
+man of a good understanding, moral as to his general conduct, but void
+of any of those refined sentiments, which constitute what is called
+_delicacy_. Pride is sometimes accounted laudable; that which Sir George
+possessed (for he had pride) was not of this kind.
+
+He was of a weakly constitution, and had been ordered by the physicians
+to Spa for the recovery of a lingering disorder, which he had laboured
+under for some time. It was just on his return to England that the busy
+scene of his sister's life opened. An intimate friend of hers, of her
+own sex, to whom she revealed all the secrets of her heart, happened at
+this juncture to go abroad, and it was for her perusal only the
+following journal was intended. That friend has carefully preserved it,
+as she thinks it may serve for an example to prove, that neither
+prudence, foresight, nor even the best disposition that the human heart
+is capable of, are of themselves sufficient to defend us against the
+inevitable ills that sometimes are allotted, even to the best. 'The race
+is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong.'
+
+
+
+
+                              THE JOURNAL
+
+
+                            _April 2, 1703_
+
+My dear and ever-beloved Cecilia is now on her way to Harwich. How
+insipid will this task of recording all the little incidents of the day
+now appear to me, when you, my sister, friend of my heart, are no longer
+near me? how many tedious months will it be before I again embrace you?
+how many days of impatience must I suffer before I can even hear from
+you, or communicate to you the actions, the words, the thoughts of your
+Sidney?--But let me not grow plaintive, the stile my friend hates--I
+should be ungrateful (if I indulged it) to the best of mothers, who, to
+gratify and amuse me on this first occasion of sorrow which I ever
+experienced, has been induced to quit her beloved retirement, and come
+on purpose to London, to rouze up my spirits, and, as she expresses
+herself, to keep me from the sin of murmuring.
+
+Avaunt then complainings! Let me rest assured that my Cecilia is happy
+in her pursuits, and let me resolve on making myself so in mind.
+
+
+                               _April 3_
+
+We have had a letter from my brother George; he is landed, and we expect
+him hourly in town. As our house is large enough, I hope he will consent
+to take up his quarters with us while we stay in London. My mother
+intends to request it of him: she says it will be for the _reputation_
+of a gay young man to live in a _sober_ family. I know not how Sir
+George may relish the proposal, as our hours are not likely to
+correspond with those which I suppose he has been used to since he has
+been absent from us. But perhaps he may not refuse the compliment; Sir
+George is not averse to oeconomy.--How kind, how indulgent, is this
+worthy Parent of mine! she will not suffer me to stay at home with her,
+nay scarce allows me time for my journal. 'Sidney I won't have you stay
+within; I won't have you write; I won't have you think--I will make a
+rake of you; you shall go to the play to-night, and I am almost tempted
+to go with you myself, though I have not been at one since your father's
+death.'--These were her kind expressions to me just now.--I am indeed
+indebted to her tenderness, when she relaxes so much of her usual
+strictness, as even to _think_ of such a thing.
+
+
+                               _April 5_
+
+My brother returned to us this day, thank God! in perfect health. Never
+was there such an alteration seen in a man; he is grown fat, and looks
+quite robust. He dropped in upon us just as we sat down to dinner: what
+a clutter has his arrival made! my mother was _so_ rejoyced, and _so_
+thankful, and _so_ full of praises, and asked _so_ many questions, that
+George could hardly find words enough to answer the over-flowings of her
+kind inquisitiveness, which lasted all dinner-time.
+
+When the cloth was removed, my mother proposed his taking up his abode
+with us: you see, said she, your sister and I have got here into a large
+house; there is full room enough in it for you and your servants; and as
+I think in such a town as this it will be a reputable place for you to
+live in, I shall be glad of your company; provided you do not encroach
+upon my rules by unreasonable hours, or receiving visits from such as I
+may not approve of for the acquaintance of your sister. I was afraid Sir
+George would disrelish the terms, as perhaps some of his acquaintance
+(though far from faulty ones) might fall within my mother's predicament:
+but I was mistaken, he accepted of the invitation, after making some
+slight apologies about the inconvenience of having so many servants:
+this however was soon got over.
+
+To say the truth, I am very glad that my brother has consented to be our
+guest, as I hope by his means our circle of acquaintance will be a good
+deal enlarged. There is no pleasure in society, without a proper mixture
+of well-bred sensible people of both sexes, and I have hitherto been
+chiefly confined to those of my own.
+
+I asked Sir George jocosely, what he had brought me home? He answered,
+perhaps a good husband.--My mother catched up the word--What do you
+mean, Son? I mean, madam, that there is come over with me a gentleman,
+with whom I became acquainted in Germany, who, of all the men I ever
+knew, I should wish to have for a brother. If Sidney should fortunately
+be born under the influence of _uncommonly_ good stars, it may happen to
+be brought about. I can tell you (applying himself to me) he is
+prepossessed in your favour already; I have shewn him some of your
+letters, and he thinks you a good sensible girl. I told him you were
+very well in your person, and that you have had an excellent education.
+I hope so, said my mother, looking pleased; and what have you to tell us
+of this wonderful man that so much surpasses every body? Why, madam for
+_your_ part of his character, he is the best _behaved_ young man I ever
+saw. I never knew any body equal to him for sobriety, nor so intirely
+free from all the other vices of youth: as I lived in the same house
+with him for some months, I had frequent opportunities of making my
+observations. I have known him to _avoid_ many irregularities, but never
+saw him guilty of _one_.
+
+An admirable character indeed said my mother. So thought I too; but I
+wanted to know a little more of him. Now Sidney for your share in the
+description; I must tell you he is most exquisitely handsome, and
+extremely sensible.
+
+Good sense to be sure is requisite, said my mother, but as for beauty it
+is but a fading flower at best, and in a man not at all necessary--A man
+is not the worse for it, however, cried my brother--No--my mother
+answered, provided it does not make him vain, and too fond of the
+admiration of giddy girls--That I will be sworn is not the case of my
+friend, answered Sir George, I believe no body with such a person as his
+(if there _can_ be such another) would be so little vain of it; nay, I
+have heard him declare, that even in a woman he would give the
+preference to sense and virtue.
+
+Good young man! cried my mother, I should like to be acquainted with
+him. (So should I, whispered I to my own heart).
+
+Well brother, said I, you have drawn a good picture; but to make it
+complete, you must throw in generosity, valour, sweetness of temper, and
+a great deal of money--Fie my dear (said my good _literal_ parent) a
+_great deal_ is not necessary; a very moderate fortune with _such_ a man
+is sufficient.
+
+The good qualities you require in the finishing of my piece, answered my
+brother, he possesses in an eminent degree--will that satisfy you? As
+for his fortune--_there_ perhaps a difficulty may step in--What estate
+madam (to my mother) do you think my sister's fortune may intitle her
+to?
+
+Dear brother, I cried, pray do not speak in that _bargaining_ way.
+
+My mother answered him very gravely, Your father you know left her but
+four thousand pounds; it is in my power to add a _little_ to it, if she
+marries to please me. Great matters we have no right to expect; but a
+_very_ good girl, as my daughter is, I think, deserves something more
+than a bare equivalent. The equality, said my brother, (with a demure
+look) I fear is out of all proportion here, for the gentleman I speak of
+has but--six thousand pounds a year.
+
+He burst out a laughing; it was not good-natured, and I was vexed at his
+joke. My poor mother dropped her countenance; I looked silly, as if I
+had been disappointed, but I said nothing.
+
+Then he is above our reach, Sidney, answered my mother.
+
+I made no reply--Have a good heart Sid, cried my brother; if my
+nonpareil likes you, when he sees you, (I felt myself hurt, and grow
+red) and without a compliment sister (seeing me look mortified) I think
+he will, fortune will be no objection. I have already told him the
+utmost extent of your expectations; he would hardly let me mention the
+subject; he has a mind for _my_ sister, and if he finds her personal
+accomplishments answer a brother's (perhaps partial) description, it
+will be your own fault if you have not the prettiest fellow in England
+for your husband.
+
+My mother reassumed her pleased countenance. Where is he? let us see
+him? I forced a smile, though I did not feel myself quite satisfied--We
+parted on the road, my brother answered; he is gone to Bath, for a few
+weeks; he has sent his servants and his baggage to town before him, and
+has commissioned me to take a house for him in St. James's Square, or
+some of the adjacent streets; so that we shall have him in our
+neighbourhood.
+
+My mother enquired on what account he went to Bath. Sir George said, he
+complained of a weakness in one of his wrists, which was the consequence
+of a fever that had seized him on his journey, in their return to
+England. It seems he had finished his travels, on which he had been
+absent near five years, when my brother and he met in Germany. The
+liking he took to Sir George protracted his stay, and he resolved not to
+quit him while his health obliged him to continue abroad; they took a
+trip to Paris together, and returned home by Holland.
+
+The name of this piece of perfection is Faulkland, Orlando Faulkland.
+What a pretty name Orlando is! My mother says it is romantic, and
+wonders how _sober_ people can give their children such names.
+
+Now am I dying with curiosity to see this man. A few weeks at Bath--what
+business he had to go to Bath till he had first settled his household at
+London? His wrist might have grown well without the pump. I am afraid he
+is gone to Bath only to shew himself, and that he will be snapped up
+before he comes to town. I wish Sir George had kept the account of him
+to himself, till he returned to London again.
+
+
+                               _April 7_
+
+We have settled Sir George's oeconomy within doors: my mother has been
+very busy all day in fixing trunks, portmanteaus, and boxes, in their
+proper places; and in appropriating the rooms for his men, which she has
+taken care shall be as remote from those of our servants as the house
+will admit. She says, she knows our own domestics to be orderly and
+regular, but she cannot answer for what other people's may be.
+
+I begin to recover my spirits: my brother's arrival has given new life
+to the family; my mother thinks, that in _his_ company, with a lady or
+two, there will be no impropriety in suffering me to go, at least, half
+a dozen times into public during the season, even without the sanction
+of her presence--How kind, how considerate is this dear mother! I find
+this was one (amongst others) of her principal reasons for wishing Sir
+George to be with us, as it will save her from the necessity of going to
+public diversions, which otherwise she would have done, rather than have
+me debarred the pleasure of partaking of them, through the want of a
+proper protector. Every day lays me under fresh obligations to her.
+
+
+                               _April 20_
+
+My brother has had another letter from Mr Faulkland. He has been but a
+fortnight at Bath, and already has found benefit from the use of the
+pump; I wish his wrist was quite well; I never was so impatient to see
+any body--But, Sidney, have a care--this heart has never yet been
+touch'd: this man is represented as a dangerous object. What an an
+ill-fated Girl should I be, if I should fall in love with him, and he
+should happen not to like me? Should _happen_, what a vain expression
+was that? I would not for the world any one should see it but my
+Cecilia.--Well, if he should not like me, what then? why, I will not
+like him. I have a heart, not very susceptible of what we young women
+call love; and in all likelihood I shall be as indifferent to him, as he
+may be to me--Indeed I think I ought to resolve on not liking him; for
+notwithstanding those fine out-lines of a character, which my brother
+gave of him in the presence of my mother, I have since drawn out of Sir
+George, who is always talking of him, some farther particulars, which do
+not please me so well; for I think he is made up of contrarieties.
+
+Nature, says Sir George, never formed a temper so gentle, so humane, so
+benevolent as his; yet, when provoked, no tempest is more furious. You
+would imagine him so humble, that he thinks every one superior to
+himself; yet through this disguise have I discovered, at certain times,
+a pride which makes him look down on all mankind. With a disposition
+formed to relish, and a heart attached to the domestic pleasures of
+life, he is of so enterprising a temper, that dangers and difficulties
+rather encourage than dishearten him in the pursuit of a favourite
+point. His ideas of love, honour, generosity, and gratitude, are so
+refined, that no hero in romance ever went beyond him; of this I was
+convinced from many little incidents which occurred in the course of my
+acquaintance with him. The modesty and affability of his deportment
+makes every body fancy, when he is in company with them, that he is
+delighted with their conversation; nay, he often affects to be improved
+and informed; yet there is a sly turn to ridicule in him, which, though
+without the least tincture of ill-nature, makes him see and represent
+things in a light, the very opposite of that in which you fansied he saw
+them. With the nicest discernment, where he permits his judgment alone
+to determine, let passion interfere, and a child can impose on him.
+Though as I have already told you he is very handsome, he affects to
+despise beauty in his own sex; yet is it easy to perceive, by the nice
+care he takes in his dress (though the farthest in the world from a
+fop), that he does not altogether disregard it in his own person.
+
+Are not these faults? yes, surely they are; yet Sir George protests he
+has none; or at least says, if these be such, they are so overbalanced
+by his good qualities, that unless it be _you_ sister (flattering
+creature! though that is seldom his failing) I don't know the woman that
+deserves him. I did not thank him for the compliment he paid me, at the
+expense of the rest of our poor sex.
+
+
+                                _May 5_
+
+A month is past since my brother arrived, and Mr Faulkland does not yet
+talk of coming to town--If Sir George had drawn half such a flattering
+picture of me to him, as he has done of him to me, his curiosity would
+have brought him here sooner.--My mother has mentioned him several
+times, and asked when he is to be in town? My brother has taken a very
+handsome house for him in the Square. We are all in expectation of this
+blazing star's making its appearance in London. If he stays much longer,
+my patience will be so tired, that I shall not give a pinch of snuff to
+see him.
+
+
+                                _May 19_
+
+Six weeks, and no news of Mr Faulkland's coming! I'll positively give
+him but another week; I begin to think myself affronted by his stay.
+
+
+                                _May 23_
+
+Now, now, my Cecilia, I can gratify your curiosity at full: he is come
+at last; Mr Faulkland, I mean; Orlando is come! we had a message from
+him this morning, to enquire after all our healths; he was just arrived
+at his house in the Square: Sir George flew to him directly, and said he
+would bring him without ceremony to take a family dinner. My mother bid
+him do so; and she held a quarter of an hour's conference with her cook.
+She is always elegant and exact at her table; but we were more than
+ordinarily so to-day. My brother brought Mr Faulkland a little before
+dinner-time, and presented him to my mother and me, with that kind of
+freedom that almost look'd as if he were already one of the family.
+
+We had both been prepossessed highly in favour of his figure, a
+circumstance that seldom is of advantage to persons on their first
+appearance: but here it had not that effect: Sir George did not overrate
+the personal accomplishments of his friend. Now you'll expect I should
+describe him to you, perhaps, and paint this romantic hero in the
+glowing colours of romantic exageration. But I'll disappoint you--and
+tell you, that he is neither like an Adonis nor an Apollo--that he has
+no hyacinthine curls flowing down his back; no eyes like suns, whose
+brightness and majesty strike the beholders dumb; nor, in short, no rays
+of divinity about him; yet he is the handsomest mortal man that I ever
+saw.--I will not say that his voice is harmony itself, and that all the
+loves and graces (for why should not there be male as well as female
+graces?) attend on his motions; that Minerva presides over his lips, and
+every feature has its attendant Cupid--But I will acknowlege that his
+voice in speaking is inexpressibly pleasing (you know how I admire an
+agreeable voice); that his air and motions are easy, genteel, and
+graceful; his conversation sensible and polite, and without the least
+tincture of affection, that thing, which of all others, would to _me_
+destroy the charms of an angel.--In short, without hyperbole, that he
+is, what every one must allow, a perfectly handsome and accomplished
+young man.
+
+I never saw my mother appear so pleased with any one. The polite freedom
+of his address, the attention and deference he seemed to pay to her
+sentiments (and the dear good woman talked more to him, I think, than
+ever I heard her do to any one on so short an acquaintance), delighted
+her beyond expression. I bore no great part in the conversation, but was
+not, however, quite overlooked by Mr Faulkland. He referred to me in
+discourse now and then, and seemed pleased with me; at least I fancy'd
+so. My brother endeavoured to draw me out, as he said afterwards. The
+intention was kind, but poor Sir George is not delicate enough in those
+matters; I should have done better if he had let me alone. I thought of
+the conversations we had so often had about Mr Faulkland, and could not
+help considering myself like a piece of goods that was to be shewn to
+the best advantage to the purchaser. This reflection threw a sort of
+constraint over my behaviour, that (fool as I was) I had not courage
+enough to shake off, and I did not acquit myself at all to my own mind.
+I had, notwithstanding, the good fortune to please my mother infinitely.
+She told me, after our visitor was gone, that my behaviour had been
+_strictly_ proper; and blamed Sir George for his wanting to engage me
+too often in conversation. You may assure yourself, son, she said, that
+a man of Mr Faulkland's understanding will not like a young lady the
+worse for her silence. She spoke enough to shew that it was not for want
+of knowing what to say that she held her tongue. The man who does not
+reckon a modest reserve amongst the chief recommendations of a woman,
+should be no husband for Sidney. I am sure, when I married Sir Robert,
+he had never heard me speak twenty sentences. Sir George agreed with her
+as to the propriety of her observation, in regard to a modest reserve;
+but said, people now a-days did not carry their ideas of it quite so far
+as they did when his father's courtship began with her; and added, that
+a young lady might _speak_ with as much modesty as she could hold her
+tongue.
+
+I did not interfere in the debate, only said, I was very glad to have
+my mother's approbation of my conduct. This put an end to the argument,
+and my mother launched out into high encomiums on Mr Faulkland. She
+said, upon her _truth_, he was the finest young man she ever saw, in
+every respect. So modest, so well bred, so very entertaining, and so
+unassuming, with all his fine accomplishments: She was quite astonished,
+and owned she almost despaired of finding a young gentleman, of the
+present mode of education, so _very_ unexceptionable in his behaviour.
+If his morals answered to his outward deportment--there she stopped; or
+rather Sir George interrupted her. I hope you'll believe madam, that my
+knowlege of mankind is not so circumscribed, but that I can distinguish
+between a real and an assumed character; and I will venture to assert,
+that, in the whole circle of my acquaintance, I do not know _one_ so
+unobjectionable, even in your strict sense of the word _morals_, as Mr
+Faulkland.
+
+Well, said my mother, I have the pleasure to observe to you (and I think
+I am seldom mistaken in my judgment), that Mr Faulkland is at least as
+well pleased with Sidney as we are with him--What say you daughter? Ay,
+what _say_ you sister? cry'd Sir George--I think madam, that Mr
+Faulkland is an accomplished gentleman, and--'and that you could be
+content to look no farther, if matters are brought to bear; eh, Sidney?'
+(I need not tell you whose speech this was)--Brother, that is going a
+little too far, for the first time of my seeing him. A great _deal_ too
+far, my mother said; let us first know Mr Faulkland's mind from himself,
+before we say a word more of the matter.
+
+Sir George told us, that Mr Faulkland, at going away, had requested he
+would sup with him at his own house, as he said he had a few visits of
+form to pay, and should be at home early in the evening.
+
+
+                                _May 24_
+
+My mother and I were in bed before my brother came in last night, though
+he keeps very good hours in general. When we met this morning at
+breakfast, I saw by Sir George's face that he was brimful of
+something--Faulkland don't like you, Sidney, said he, abruptly--How can
+you or I help that, brother? cry'd I, colouring; tho', to tell you the
+truth, I did not believe him; for I knew, if it _had_ been so, he would
+not have come out with it so bluntly. But my mother, who always takes
+every word she hears literally, took him up very short; 'If he does not,
+Sir, it is not polite in you to tell your sister so; I hope Sidney may
+be _liked_ by as good a man as Mr Faulkland,' and up she tossed her dear
+honest head. Sir George burst out a laughing. My mother looked angry;
+she was afraid her sagacity would be call'd in question, after what she
+had pronounced the evening before. I looked silly, but pretended to
+smile. Sir George was clown enough to laugh on; at last (to my mother)
+'But my dear madam, can you believe me serious in what I said? have you
+so good an opinion of my veracity, or so ill a one of my breeding, as to
+suppose I would shock my sister by such a rude declaration, if I meant
+any thing by it but a joke?' Indeed, Sidney, (looking half smiling to
+me) I would not be as much in love with our sovereign lady the queen, as
+poor Faulkland is with you, for my whole estate.
+
+This put me a great deal more out of countenance than what he had said
+at first. Nay, brother, now you are too extravagant the other way--My
+mother looked surprized, but recovered her good humour presently--Dear
+George, there is no knowing when you are in earnest and when not: but,
+as Sidney says, now you are rather too extravagant. You might say so to
+Faulkland, answered my brother, if you were to hear him; I could get
+nothing from him the whole night but your praises. I thought, said my
+pleased mother, he had not _disliked_ the girl--Now you see, son, her
+_silence_ did her no harm; and she smiled tenderly at me. Come, said Sir
+George, things are mighty well on all sides. Faulkland has begged of me,
+that I would use my interest with you, mother (whom he thinks one of the
+best of women), that he may be permitted in form to make his addresses
+to Miss Bidulph. _My_ interest he knows he has, and I hope, madam, it
+will have your approbation--He desired me to explain minutely to you
+every circumstance of his fortune: what his estate is I have told you;
+and his family is of known distinction. He begged I would not _mention_
+Sidney's fortune; and said, that if, upon a farther acquaintance, he
+should have the happiness to be acceptable to my sister, he should
+insist upon leaving the appointment of her settlement to lady Bidulph
+and myself. I told him I would lay this proposal before you, and could
+for his present comfort inform him, that, as I believed my sister had no
+prepossessions in favour of any one else, I was sure, if he met with
+your concurrence, her's would follow of course.
+
+A very discreet answer, said my mother; just such a one as I would have
+dictated to you, if I had been at your elbow. I believe we may venture
+to suppose, that Mrs Sidney _has_ no prepossessions; and as this is as
+handsome an offer as can possibly be made, I have no objections (if you
+have none, my dear) to admit Mr Faulkland upon the terms he proposes.
+
+What answer ought I to have made, Cecilia? Why, to be sure, just the one
+I _did_ make--I have _no_ prepossessions, madam, looking down and
+blushing, till it actually pained me, for I was really startled. My
+Cecilia knows I am not a prude.
+
+My dear! cry'd my mother, and took me by the hand--
+
+Poor Sidney, said Sir George, how you are to be pitied! Mr Faulkland
+purposes waiting on you in the afternoon, if he is not _forbid_; and he
+looked so teazingly sly, that my mother bid him leave off his _pranks_.
+
+The day is ever--Mr Faulkland spent the evening with us; no other
+company but our own family. My mother likes him better even than
+before--Thy _mother_--disingenuous girl! why dost thou not speak thy
+_own_ sentiments! (There is an apostrophe for thy use, my Cecilia). Well
+then, _my_ sentiments you shall have; you have an undoubted right to
+know them on all subjects, but particularly on this interesting one.
+
+I _do_ think Mr Faulkland the most amiable of men; and if my heart were
+(happily for me it is not) _very_ susceptible of tender impressions, I
+really believe I should in time be absolutely in love with him. This
+confession will not satisfy you: may be it is not enough--yet, in truth,
+Cecilia, it is all that at present I can afford you.
+
+The thoughts of the aukward figure I should make in the evening visit,
+sat heavy on my spirits all day.--Can you conceive any thing more
+distressing than the situation of a poor girl, receiving the visit of a
+man, who, for the first time, comes professedly as her admirer? I had
+conceived a frightful idea of such an interview, having formed my
+notions of it only from romances, where set speeches of an ell long are
+made by the lover, and answers of a proportionable size are returned in
+form by the lady. But Mr Faulkland soon delivered me from my anxiety.
+His easy, but incomparably polite and sensible freedom of address,
+quickly made me lose my ridiculous fears.--He made no other use of this
+visit, than to recommend himself more strongly to our esteem, by such
+means as proved how well he deserved it. If he was particular to me,
+either in his looks or manner, it was under the regulation of such a
+nice decorum, that I (who supposed I must have sunk with downright
+confusion) was hardly disconcerted during the whole visit.
+
+
+                               _June 10_
+
+I do really think my good mother grows so fond of Mr Faulkland, that if
+he goes on at this rate, he will get the start even of Sir George in her
+affections--'Mr _Faulkland_ said so and so; Mr _Faulkland_ is of
+opinion; and I am sure you will allow Mr _Faulkland_ to be a good judge
+of such and such things.'
+
+To say the truth, the man improves upon you every hour you know him. And
+yet I have discovered in him some of those little (and they are _but_
+little) alloys to his many good qualities, which Sir George at first
+told me of. The interest I may one day have in him makes me a closer
+observer than I should otherwise be. There _is_ that sly turn to
+ridicule which my brother mentioned; yet, to do him justice, he never
+employs it, but where it is deserved; and then too with so much vivacity
+and good humour, that one cannot be angry with him.
+
+We had a good deal of company at dinner with us to day; amongst the
+rest, young Sayers, who is just returned from his travels, as _he_ calls
+it. You remember he went away a good humoured, inoffensive, quiet fool;
+he has brought no one ingredient of that character back with him but the
+last; for such a stiff, conceited, overbearing, talkative, impertinent
+coxcomb, does not now exist. His mother, who, poor woman, you know
+originally made a simpleton of the boy, contributes now all in her power
+to finish the sop; and she carries him about with her everywhere for a
+show. We were assembled in the drawing room before dinner: in _burst_
+(for it was not a common entry) Master Sayers, and his mamma, the cub
+handing in the old lady--_So_ stiff, and _so_ aukward, and _so_
+ungraceful, and so _very_ unlike Mr Faulkland, that I pitied the poor
+thing, who thought that every body would admire him as much as his
+mother did. After he had been presented to the ladies (for it was the
+first time we had seen him since he came home), he took a turn or two
+about the room, to exhibit his person: then applying himself to a
+picture which hung over the door (a fine landscape of Claude Lorrain,
+which Mr Faulkland himself had brought over and given to Sir George), he
+asked my brother, in a tone scarce articulate, whether we had any
+_painters_ in England? My mother, who by chance heard him, and by
+greater chance understood him, answered, before Sir George had time,
+_Painters_, Sir! yes, sure, and some very good ones too; why, you cannot
+have forgot _that_; it is not much above a year since you went
+abroad, (for you must know he had been recalled upon the death of
+an uncle, who had left him his estate). I observed Mr Faulkland
+constrained a very fly laugh, on account both of the _manner_ of my
+mother's taking his question, and her innocently-undesigned reprimand.
+Sayers pretended not to hear her, but looking through his fingers, as if
+to throw the picture into perspective, that is a pretty good piece, said
+he, for a copy. Oh! cry'd his mother, there is no pleasing _you_--people
+who have been _abroad_ are such connoisseurs in painting--No body making
+any immediate answer, Mr Faulkland stepped up to Mr Sayers, with such a
+roguish humility in his countenance, that you would have sworn he was a
+very ignoramus, said, 'Are you of opinion, Sir, that that picture is
+nothing but a copy?' Nothing more, take my word for it, Sir: When _I_
+was at Rome, there was a Dutchman there who made it his business to take
+copies _of_ copies, which he dispersed, and had people to sell for him
+in different parts, as pretty good prices; and they did mighty well; for
+very few people _know_ a picture; and I'll answer for it there are not
+many masters of eminence, but what have a hundred originals palmed upon
+them, more than ever they painted in their lives.
+
+Mr Faulkland then proceeded to ask him abundance of questions, which any
+one, who did not know him well, would have thought he proposed for no
+other end but a desire of information; and the poor coxcomb Sayers
+plumed himself upon displaying so much travelled knowlege, to a
+wondering ignorant Englishman, who had never been out of his own
+country. The company were divided into little chattering parties, as is
+usual when people are whiling away an half hour before dinner. Mrs.
+Sayers, my mother, and I, were sitting together on a couch, near enough
+to hear the conversation that passed between the two gentlemen; at least
+as much as was not sunk in the affected, half-pronounced sentences of Mr
+Sayers. His mother, to whom he was the principal object of attention in
+the company, seemed mightily pleased at the opportunity her son had,
+from the inquisitiveness of Mr Faulkland (whom she did not know) of
+shewing his taste in the polite arts, and often looked about to observe
+if any body else attended to them. My mother, dear literal woman! (as I
+often call her to you) took every thing seriously, and whispered to me,
+how pretty that is, Sidney! how condescending in Mr Faulkland! you see
+he does not make a parade of his _own_ knowledge in these matters, but
+is pleased to reap the benefit of other people's. I, who saw the latent
+roguery, could hardly contain myself. Indeed I was amazed at Mr
+Faulkland's grave inquisitive face, and was very glad my mother did not
+find him out.
+
+Sayers, elated with having shone so conspicuously (for he observed that
+both my mother and I attended to his discourse) proceeded to shew away
+with an immensity of vanity and frothy chat, beginning every new piece
+of history with, 'When _I_ was at Rome, or, when _I_ was at Paris'--At
+last, unluckily for him, speaking of an incident (which made a good deal
+of noise, and happened at the first-mentioned place) in which two
+English gentlemen had been concerned, he said it was about eleven months
+ago, just before he left Rome. My mother, who had heard Mr Faulkland
+relate the same story, but with some very different circumstances,
+immediately said, Mr Faulkland, have I not heard you speak of that? you
+were at Rome yourself when the affair happened; and if I be not
+mistaken, it was through your interest with the cardinal of ---- that
+the business was made up.
+
+If a spectre had appeared to poor Sayers, he could not have looked more
+aghast. He dropped his visage half-way down his breast, and for the
+_first_ time speaking very _plain_, and very loud too, with a share of
+astonishment, Have _you_ been at _Rome_, Sir? I was there for a little
+time, Sir, answered Mr Faulkland, with real modesty; for he pitied the
+mortified buzzard; and I know the story was _represented_ as you have
+told it; the circumstances differed in a few particulars, but the facts
+were nearly as you have related them.
+
+How obligingly did he reconcile the out-of-countenance Sayers to himself
+and to the company? Were you long abroad, pray Sir, said the coxcomb?
+About five years, Sir, answered Mr Faulkland; but I perceive, by the
+conversation I have had the honour of holding with you to-day, that many
+accurate and curious observations escaped me, which you made in a much
+shorter space of time; for the communication of which I think myself
+extremely obliged to you. Whether the poor soul thought him serious (as
+my mother did) I cannot tell; he made him a bow, however, for the
+compliment; but was so lowered, that he did not say a word more of Rome
+or Paris for the rest of the day: and in this we had a double advantage;
+for as he had nothing else to talk of, his mouth was effectually
+stopped, except when Mr Faulkland, out of compassion, asked him (as he
+often did) such questions as he thought he could answer, without
+exposing his ignorance: for he was contented to have enjoyed it in their
+tête à tête, and was far from wishing the company to be witnesses of it.
+
+I think such a bagatelle may give you some idea of this man's turn. I
+told it to Sir George; he laughed heartily, and said it was _so_ like
+him! My brother loves even his faults, though he will not allow me to
+call them by that name.
+
+
+                                _July 4_
+
+You are unkind, Cecilia, and do not do justice to my sincerity, when you
+say, _you are sure I am in love with Mr Faulkland_. If I were, can you
+conceive it possible that I would deny it to you? Ah! my sister, must I
+suspect _you_ of wanting candour by your making a charge of disingenuity
+against your friend? Indeed, Cecilia, if I _am_ in love with him, I do
+not _yet_ know it myself. I will repeat it to you, I think him the most
+amiable of men, and should certainly give him the preference, if I were
+left to a free choice, over all the rest of his sex; at least all that I
+have ever yet seen; though possibly there _may_ be handsomer, wiser,
+better men, but they have not fallen within my observation. I am not
+however so prepossessed in his favour, as to suppose him a phoenix; and
+if any unforeseen event were to prevent my being his, I am sure I should
+bear it, and behave very handsomely.
+
+And yet perhaps this may be only bragging like a coward, because I think
+a very short time will put it out of the power of fortune to divide us.
+Yet certain as the event of our marriage appears to me at present, I
+still endeavour to keep a sort of guard over my wishes, and will not,
+give my heart leave to center _all_ its happiness in him; and therefore
+I cannot rank myself amongst the first-rate lovers, who have neither
+eyes, nor ears, nor sensations, but for one object. _This_, Mr Faulkland
+says, is his case, in regard to me. But I think we women should not love
+at such a rate, till _duty_ makes the passion a virtue; and till _that_
+becomes my case, I am so much a philosopher in love that I am determined
+not to let it absorbe any of the other cordial affections, which I owe
+to my relations and my friends.
+
+I think we ought always to form some laws to ourselves for the
+regulation of our conduct: without this, what an impertinent dream must
+the life be of almost every young person of our sex? You, my dear,
+though with an uncommon understanding of your own, have always been
+intirely conducted by your wise parents; and in this I make it my boast
+to have followed your example. I have been accustomed from my infancy to
+pay an implicit obedience to the best of mothers; the conforming to this
+never yet cost me an uneasy minute, and I am sure never will.
+
+
+                                _July 5_
+
+A little incident happened to-day, which pleased my mother wonderfully.
+She had been at morning prayers (as you know is her daily custom); when
+returning home in her chair, one of the men happened to flip his foot,
+and fell down just before Mr Faulkland's house. He was so much hurt,
+that he could go no farther; and the footman immediately opening the
+chair, told her she had better step into Mr Faulkland's, till he called
+another, or got a man to assist in carrying her home. One of Mr
+Faulkland's servants happened to be standing at the door; so that,
+without any previous notice, she was immediately conducted into a
+parlour, where Mr Faulkland was sitting at breakfast. She found with him
+two pretty little children at his knee, to one of whom he had given some
+cake; and the elder of the two, a boy of about five years old, he was
+gravely lecturing, though with great gentleness, for having told a lye.
+My mother asked him, with some surprise, whose children those were? He
+smiled, and told her they were his coachman's; and then ordered the
+footman to carry them down, bidding the little boy be sure to remember
+what he had said to him.
+
+My mother enquired, if he permitted them to be in the house? He said, he
+did; and had been induced to do it from the distress he had seen their
+poor father in, a few days before. He is an honest careful fellow,
+continued Mr Faulkland, and has lived in my family from a boy. He was
+married to a good sort of a body, who took great care of these children,
+and helped to maintain them decently by her work. The poor woman died in
+childbed last week; and the person who attended her in her illness (for
+she had no servant) took that opportunity of robbing the lodgings; and
+after plundering the poor creature of every thing that was worth
+carrying away, locked up those two children, which you saw with me, and
+the new-born infant, with the corpse of their mother.
+
+The poor little wretches continued in that dismal situation all night,
+having cried themselves to sleep, without being heard, though there were
+some other people in the house. The morning following I happened to make
+an early visit in the neighbourhood of this distressed little family,
+and my coachman, who was a very affectionate husband and father, took
+that opportunity of calling on his wife whom he had not been able to see
+for three days. The cries of his children (now awake and almost starved)
+obliged him hastily to break open the room door, where the poor fellow
+was shocked with the dismal spectacle of his wife lying breathless in
+her bed, the infant almost expiring at her side, and the other two poor
+little famished creatures calling to their dead mother for bread.
+
+The sight almost deprived the man of his senses. He snatched up his two
+eldest children in his arms, and ran raving to the house where I was;
+tearing his hair like a madman. He told me his mournful story; with
+which I was so affected, that I ordered one of my footmen to carry the
+two children home to my house directly, and desired their father to look
+out for some body to take care of the young one, which he soon did.
+
+The honest poor fellow was delighted, when he came home, to find his two
+children well and merry; for they were sensible of no want but their
+food. But his grief returned on him with great violence at the thoughts
+of his being obliged to put them into the hands of people, who, he said,
+he was sure would not be so kind to them as their own poor mother had
+been; and my man told me he did nothing but kiss them, and cry over them
+the whole day. To make his mind easy at once, I let him know they should
+remain here under his own eye, till they were old enough to be put to
+school; and accordingly directed my housekeeper to see that they were
+taken care of; which has made their father very happy.
+
+The little rogues have found their way up to me, and I love some times
+to hear them prattle; but this morning the eldest having told me a lye
+of his brother, I was checking him for it when you came in.
+
+My mother was so pleased with Mr Faulkland's conduct in his little
+history, that she repeated it to me word for word as soon as she came
+home, and concluded with observing, how _good a creature_ Mr Faulkland
+must be, who in so tender a manner interested himself in his poor
+servant's misfortune. Most young gentlemen, said she, would have thought
+they had done enough in giving the servant money to have provided for
+his children how he could: it is in such trifles as these that we often
+discover the excellence of the heart.
+
+You will suppose, my dear, that I am not displeased at any circumstance
+that can raise Mr Faulkland's character in my pious mother's esteem. I
+heard the story with great pleasure; but not making any comments on it,
+Sir George (who was present at the relation), said, Well, Sidney, you
+are either very affected, or the greatest stoic in the world; why, any
+other girl would be in raptures at such a proof of the honest tenderness
+of that heart which she knows she possesses intirely, and on which the
+whole of her future happiness depends. I am very sensible of Mr
+Faulkland's worth, brother, I replied, and I can feel without being
+transported. I will be hanged, said Sir George, if I think you love
+Faulkland, at least not half as well as he deserves; and I dare swear
+you have not been honest enough to tell him yet whether you do or not.
+It is time enough for that, I replied; if Mr Faulkland and I should be
+married, I hope I shall give him no cause to complain of my want of
+affection.
+
+_If_ you marry, said my brother! I know of no possible _ifs_, unless
+they are of your own making. I know of none neither, answered my mother;
+yet I think Sidney is in the right to be doubtful about all human
+events. Many things, added she gravely (for she has a great veneration
+for old sayings), fall out between the cup and the lip.
+
+I think, mother, said Sir George, bluntly, _you_ were disappointed in
+your _first_ love; I have heard you speak of it, but I forget the
+circumstances. As I had never heard my mother make any mention of this
+particular, I begged she would oblige me with relating it.
+
+When I was about one-and-twenty, daughter, said she, a match was
+concluded by my father between me and a very fine gentleman. I loved
+him, and (as I suppose all young women do in the like circumstances)
+believed myself equally beloved by him. The courtship had been of a
+year's standing; for you must know I was not very easily won. Every
+thing was settled, and the day appointed for our marriage arrived; when,
+instead of the bridegroom, whom we every minute expected, there came a
+letter from him directed to me. The contents were, that having formerly
+been engaged to a young lady by the most solemn vows, he had,
+unfortunately for them both, forgot them all on seeing me, and had broke
+through every obligation divine and human to obtain me. He intreated
+mine, and my family's pardon, in the most pathetic manner, for having
+engaged our esteem so far as to consent to an union, of which he found
+himself unworthy, and which it was impossible for him to accomplish;
+for, said he, the wrongs I have done the woman, whose youth I seduced,
+rise to my imagination with so much horror, that, for the empire of the
+world, I would not complete my guilt, by devoting that hand to another,
+to which she only has a right. He enlarged greatly on the sufferings of
+his heart, in the struggle between his love for me, and his duty to the
+person who had his first vows; and whom, he declared, his infidelity had
+almost brought to the grave. He claimed my pity, both on his own and her
+account; and repeatedly intreated my forgiveness of his fault.
+
+The whole letter, which was very long, was so expressive of a mind
+overwhelmed with despair, that I was exceedingly shocked at the reading
+of it. What could I say? The plea he offered for his seemingly strange
+conduct, was too just to admit of any objections. I own the
+disappointment afflicted me, but I bore it with a becoming resolution.
+My family were at first exceedingly exasperated against my doubly
+unfaithful lover; but, upon enquiring into the facts, they found the
+truth to be as he had represented it. The conclusion was, that, upon the
+very day on which he was to have been married to me, and on which he had
+writ me that gloomy letter, he was seized with a melancholy, with
+increasing on him daily, soon after ended in absolute madness, and he
+was obliged to be confined for the remainder for his life. The young
+lady lived but a short time after the melancholy fate of her lover, and
+died, as it was said, of a broken heart.
+
+It was a great comfort to me to reflect that my fate disposed otherwise
+of me than to this unhappy gentleman; for I am very sure, had these
+fatal events happened in consequence of my marriage with him, that I
+should never have survived it.
+
+This extraordinary anecdote of my mother's life, which I had never had a
+hint of before (for she could not speak of it without great emotion),
+very much affected me. Sir George said, the story was more tragical than
+he had apprehended, and told my mother, _that_ was an accident which
+fell out between the cup and the lip, with a vengeance.
+
+My mother continued thoughtful for a good while; and I was sorry that
+the memory of this melancholy story had been revived; but Sir George
+talked and laughed us both in spirits again.
+
+
+                                _July 6_
+
+This Mr Faulkland is a princely man; he has sent me _such_ a set of
+jewels! My mother says they are too fine for a private gentlewoman; but
+George tells her they are not a bit too fine for Mr Faulkland's _wife_,
+and only suitable to his fortune. You know I have but few of my own,
+those only which were my mother's when she was a maiden. The greatest
+part of her's, and by much the finest, were presented to her by my
+father; but those she reserves for Sir George, against the time of his
+marriage, as a present for his lady; for they are family jewels.
+
+
+                                _July 8_
+
+My probation is over, my Cecilia.--The formidable question has been put
+to me, and I have answered it--Ay marry, say you, but how? In the
+_negative_, to be sure, my dear--No, no, my Cecilia; a valuable (psha!
+what an affected cold word that is), a lovely and most worthy man, with
+six thousand pounds a year, is a prize that a country girl must not
+expect to draw every day. Mr Faulkland, in _lover-like_ phrase, demanded
+from me the time of his destined happiness: I referred him to my mother.
+She, good and delicate as she is, referred him back to Sir George.
+George blurted out some sudden day that startled us both, when Mr
+Faulkland reported it to us. I stammered out something; my mother
+hesitated; Sir George came in, and blundered at us all; so I think we
+compounded for the time, and amongst us fixed upon this day month--And
+full soon enough, says my Cecilia: you have known the man but about six
+weeks, and surely a month is as little time as you can take, in
+preparing fineries. True, my girl, true; but it is all George's doings.
+Indeed, my Cecilia, without affectation, I had much rather have had a
+longer day; though I think I _know_ the man as well in those six weeks,
+as if I had been acquainted with him so many years; for he has spent
+most of his hours with us every day during that time; and my mother says
+he is one of those in _whom there is no guile_.
+
+Sir George is downright insolent; he declares I am not sensible of my
+own happiness, and that I deserve to be married to some little petty
+Wiltshire 'squire. He so piques himself upon making this match, there is
+no bearing him. He has taken all matters of settlement upon himself, and
+insists on my mother's not interposing. She acquiesces, but charges my
+brother not to let Mr Faulkland's generosity carry him too far, and bids
+him remember what is due to his friend, as well as to his sister.
+
+
+                               _July 10_
+
+I really begin to be hurried. My mother, you know, is exactly
+punctilious in every thing. Such a quantity of things _are_ bought, and
+such a quantity to _be_ bought, that there is no end of journies into
+the city. Then milaners and mantua-makers!--One would think I was going
+to pass the remainder of my life in a remote country, where there were
+no kind of manufactures or artificers to be come at, and that I was to
+provide cloathing for half a century.
+
+
+                               _July 12_
+
+I have much upon my hands, and Sir George is so impatient, and
+troublesome, that I believe I must employ an amanuensis, to give you a
+minute detail of all our foppery; for I shall not have patience to do it
+myself.
+
+
+                               _July 17_
+
+Sir George has often told me, that he knows of no fault Mr Faulkland
+has, but a violence of temper when provoked. I saw an instance of it
+to-day, which I was sorry for, and the more so, as I was in some measure
+accessary to it. Mr Faulkland, my brother, a lady of our acquaintance,
+and myself, took a ride in Hide-Park this morning. We were to dine at
+Kensington (where my mother was to meet us), at the house of the lady (a
+relation of Mr Faulkland's), who was with us.
+
+We rode into the stable-yard of her house, in order to alight. My horse,
+which happened to be a young one that Sir George had newly bought, saw
+some object that made him shy of advancing, and he turned suddenly
+about. A footman of Mr Faulkland's, who chanced to stand just behind me,
+very imprudently, though I am sure with design of harm, gave him a
+stroke with his whip, which made the animal plunge and throw me, as I
+had not time to recover my seat from the first short turn he made. I
+luckily received not the least hurt, and was on my feet in an instant.
+But Mr Faulkland, who had leaped off his horse even before I fell, was
+so enraged at the fellow, that he gave him two or three sound lashes
+with his whip across the shoulders, which fell on him as quick as
+lightning. I am inclined to think the servant was not sober; for he had
+the insolence to lay hold of his master's whip, and muttered an oath or
+two. Mr Faulkland's attention being quickly turned to me, he took no
+farther notice of the man. We went into the house; and after I had
+assured them all I was not in the least hurt, I begged of Mr Faulkland
+to forgive the footman, who had undesignedly caused the accident. He
+made a thousand apologies, for having let his anger so far transport
+him, as to chastise his servant in a manner he was not used to do; but
+the peril he put you into, madam, addressing himself to me, made me
+forget myself. I repeated, I hope, Sir, you have forgiven him. I wish,
+my dear Miss Bidulph, said he, that the fellow were guilty of no other
+fault but this, that I might shew you my readiness to obey you; but he
+is such an intolerable sot, that there is no keeping him with safety. I
+have forgiven him several idle things; but as I had determined to part
+with him before this happened, I hope you will be so good as not to
+insist on my retaining him. I could not intercede for the foolish fellow
+after this: so said no more.
+
+This little incident convinces me that Mr Faulkland is of too warm a
+temper; yet I am not alarmed at the discovery; you know I am the very
+reverse; and I hope in time, by gentle methods, in some measure to
+subdue it in Mr Faulkland. His own good sense and good nature must
+incline him to wish it corrected. My brother says, he has often lamented
+this vice of his nature to him, and said he had taken infinite pains to
+get the better of it; and had so far succeeded, that he seldom was
+surprized by it, but on very sudden and extraordinary occasions; such
+as, I suppose, he looked upon this to be, which I have related.
+
+We passed the day delightfully at Kensington, and did not return to town
+till late. I think I have got cold, as we walked a long time in the
+gardens.
+
+
+                               _July 13_
+
+I have got an ugly sore throat; my mother insists on my being let blood;
+I am afraid of alarming her by complaining, though I had very little
+rest all night. Mr Faulkland came early this morning to enquire after my
+health: my mother told him I was not well. How tenderly dejected were
+his looks, when I came into the room. Sir George made him stay to
+breakfast; he scarce tasted any thing; he was quite cast down. My
+brother rallied him (I thought it unreasonable) on the chance he had the
+day before of losing his wife. Mr Faulkland answered, I wish I had
+followed the first motion of my thoughts, and discharged that wicked
+fellow a month ago. Sir George said, as it happened, there had been no
+harm done; but he thought Mr Faulkland would do well to dismiss such an
+insolent rogue from his service. He has saved me that trouble, said Mr
+Faulkland, he has dismissed himself; but took care to first to rob me.
+To rob you! we all repeated in the same breath. Yes, said Mr Faulkland:
+I told him, after I got home, that he was to deliver up such things as
+he had in his charge to my own man, as I meant to discharge him in the
+morning. He made me no reply, for he was a sullen fellow; but when the
+family were asleep, he contrived to pick the lock of a bureau in my
+dressing room, where I sometimes keep money. I believe what induced him
+to it was, his having seen me yesterday morning, when I was going to
+ride (a precaution which I generally use), put my pocket book into this
+place, and I suppose he concluded there were bank notes in it, for he
+took _that_ (I presume without staying to examine it) and all the money
+he could find besides, and very cleverly made his escape out of a back
+window, which was found open this morning.
+
+My mother lectured Mr Faulkland a little, for suffering a servant,
+whose fidelity he was not sure of, to see where he deposited his money;
+which, she said, might prove a temptation to one, who was _not_ so ill
+inclined as this man. Mr Faulkland acknowleged it was careless in him;
+but said, in his justification, he had been accustomed to very honest
+people about him, which rendered him less suspicious.
+
+He appeared so anxious and unhappy about my indisposition, that I
+affected to make as light of it as possible; though indeed I find myself
+very much out of order. With what a kind sorrow did he observe my looks;
+sighs now and then stole from him, as his eyes were fixed on my face. I
+am obliged to him, yet I think I should be as much concerned for _him_,
+if he were ill.
+
+Here is a whole cargo of silks and laces just sent in to me--Heigh-ho! I
+can't look at them--I am not well--and I have such a gantlope to run of
+visiting and racketting, that the thought makes me sicker.
+
+
+                               _July 27_
+
+After a fortnight's, a dreadful fortnight's intermission, I reassume my
+pen. I have often told you, Cecilia, I was not born to be happy. Oh! I
+prophesied when I said so, though I knew not why I said it.
+
+I will try to recollect all the circumstances of this miserable
+interval, and relate them as well as I can. The last line in my journal
+(which I have not yet ventured to send you, as your stay at Paris is so
+uncertain) informs you that I was ill. I was let blood; but my disorder
+increased, and I was in a high fever before next morning. I remember
+what my reflections were, and am sure my apprehensions of death were not
+on my _own_ account afflicting, but grievously so at the thoughts of
+what those should feel whom I was to leave behind.
+
+My mother and Mr Faulkland, I believe, chiefly engaged my mind; but I
+did not long continue capable of reflection. The violence of my disorder
+deprived me of my senses on the fourth day, and they tell me I raved of
+Mr Faulkland. I remember nothing, but that, in my intervals of reason, I
+always saw my poor mother in tears by my bedside. I was in the utmost
+danger, but it pleased God to restore me to the ardent prayers of my
+dear parent. In about ten days I began to shew some symptoms of
+amendment, and enquired how Mr Faulkland did. My mother answered, he is
+well, my dear, and gone out of town, but I believe will return in a day
+or two. Gone out of town, said I, and leave me dying! Indeed that was
+not kind of Mr Faulkland, and I shall tell him so. My mother was sitting
+on the bedside, and had hold of my hand; my brother was standing with
+his back to the fire place. I observed they looked at one another, but
+neither made me any answer. Pray, Sir George, I cried, would you serve
+the woman so whom you were so near making your wife? My brother was
+going to reply, but my mother frowned at him; he looked displeased, and
+went out of the room. Dear madam, said I, there is something the matter
+with Mr Faulkland; don't keep me in suspence. I _know_ there is
+something, which you and my brother would conceal from me. Is Mr
+Faulkland sick? Not that I know of, I assure you, answered my mother; he
+was well yesterday, for we had a message from him to enquire after your
+health, as we have had every day, for he is but at Richmond; and you
+know if he were in town, he could receive no other satisfaction than
+hearing from you, as you are too ill to admit of any visits. My mother
+rang the bell immediately, and asked me to take something; I saw she
+wanted to turn the conversation. My maid Ellen came into the room, and I
+asked no more questions.
+
+My mother staid with me till it was time for her to go to rest; but
+avoided mentioning Mr Faulkland's name, or giving me any opportunity of
+doing it; for she tenderly conjured me to keep myself quite composed,
+and not to talk. The doctor assured her this night that he thought me
+out of danger; and she retired with looks of cordial delight.
+
+She was no sooner gone, than I called Ellen to my bedside, and charged
+her to tell me all she knew concerning Mr Faulkland. The poor girl
+looked concerned, and seemed to study for an answer. Lord bless me,
+madam! what should I know of him more than my lady has told you? When
+did you see him, said I? Not for several days, she answered. Where is
+he? At Richmond, I heard Sir George say; but I suppose he will come to
+town as soon as he hears you are well enough to receive him. I catched
+hold of her hand; 'Ellen, I know there is something, relative to Mr
+Faulkland, which you all want to hide from me; don't attempt to deceive
+me; you may be sure, whatever it be, I must soon be informed of it; in
+the mean while, my doubts make me very unhappy.'
+
+The good-natured girl's trouble and confusion increased as I spoke: My
+dear madam, she replied, when you are better my lady will tell you all:
+'No, no, Ellen, I must know it now; tell it me this minute, or you must
+never expect to see me better under such uncertainty. What is the _all_,
+the frightful _all_, that I am to be told? How you have shocked me with
+that little word!' I know nothing, madam, answered Ellen, but what I
+gathered from Sir George's loud angry talk with my lady; and I should be
+undone if her ladyship were to know I mentioned it to you. I assured
+her my mother should not know it. Why then, madam (speaking lower), I am
+afraid that Mr Faulkland has misbehaved, or has been belied to my
+lady--She stopped at this--How? how? cried I eagerly; What has she heard
+of him? Something of another courtship, she replied; but I hope it is
+all false--You trifle with me--speak out, and say all you know. The poor
+creature started at my impatience: 'I know no more, madam, than that I
+heard my lady say to Sir George, I had rather Sidney were in her grave,
+than married to him. Sir George said, But why will not you not let Mr
+Faulkland justify himself, madam? Justify himself! my lady answered;
+What can he say? Is it not plain that he is false to another woman? They
+talked lower; but at last Sir George raised his voice, and said, he
+would give half his estate to have the villain punished--All this,
+madam, I over-heard by mere accident. Sir George was going abroad; his
+linen was lying ready for him in his dressing-room; and his man desired
+me to put a stitch in one of his master's point ruffles which was a
+little ripped in the gathering. I had come up the back stairs into the
+dressing-room, just as my lady (who was with Sir George in the
+bed-chamber) said the words I first repeated; and while I stood doing
+the ruffle, I heard the rest. There was a great deal more said, but I
+could not distinguish any thing besides, except a word here and there,
+which Sir George seemed to speak in a very angry tone. This was the
+second day of your illness. Mr Faulkland had been here in the morning to
+enquire how you did; my lady saw him, and I thought they parted very
+friendly. I met Mr Faulkland coming down stairs; he looked full of
+grief; my lady stood at the dining-room door, and wished him a good
+morning. About an hour after came a letter directed to you; it was
+brought by a porter, who said it required no answer. As you were too ill
+to read it, I gave it to my lady; and it was soon after this, that I
+heard the conversation between Sir George and her ladyship. Mr Faulkland
+came again in the evening. Sir George was not at home; but my lady had
+him above an hour in the drawing-room; and the footman, who let him out,
+said, he looked as if he were in sad trouble. He has never been here
+since, but sends constantly every day to know how you do. My lady
+ordered me, if any letters came for you, to deliver them to her. And has
+there any come to me? No madam; word was always sent to Mr Faulkland of
+your being so ill, that to be sure he thought it would be in vain for
+him to write to you.'
+
+This was all I could gather from the maid. What a night did I pass? I
+scarce closed my eyes. Ellen lay in a field-bed by me; she had watched
+several nights, and I obliged her now to undress and go into bed. She
+slept soundly; how I envied her tranquility! If I forgot myself for a
+few minutes, my slumbers were distracted, and I started at the
+recollection of what I had already heard, and the dread of what I had
+_still_ to hear. Mr Faulkland absenting himself from the house so long;
+my mother wishing me in the grave, rather than be his wife; my brother
+denouncing vengeance on the _villain_! These were the terrible ideas
+that haunted me till morning. What can he have done, I cried aloud
+several times? I summoned to my aid all the fortitude I was mistress of,
+and resolved not to sink under the calamity, be it of what nature it
+would.
+
+My mother, ever kind and tender, came early the next morning into my
+room. She enquired after my health, and looked as if she _pitied_ me. I
+was ready to cry at her compassionate glances; they mortified me, but I
+was determined not to let her perceive it. I told her I was much better;
+and, what is surprizing, I was really so, notwithstanding the uneasy
+state of my mind. She talked of indifferent things, and said, she hoped
+I should soon be able to go into the country for a few days, to recover
+a little strength. I answered, I hope so too, madam. We were both silent
+for a while; my mother had her indulgent eyes fixed upon me; mine were
+cast down: at last I resolved to speak out. Madam, said I, looking
+steadfastly at her, what is the cause of your coldness towards Mr
+Faulkland? 'Tis in vain for you to hide it longer; you say he is _well_,
+and gone out of town. If he has shewn any slight towards me, tell me so
+at once; and do not entertain so mean an opinion of your daughter, as to
+suppose she cannot bear the news. Your tenderness, I see, would conceal
+_something_ from me; but believe me, madam, I am prepared for the worst.
+
+My dear, replied my mother, it gives me great pleasure to hear you say
+so. I pray God preserve my child, and grant her a better lot than she
+could hope for in a union with Mr Faulkland. What has he done, madam? My
+dearest Sidney, she answered, this is the first trial you have ever had
+of your patience; but I have no doubt that your goodness and discretion
+will teach you to act as becomes your character.
+
+I did not intend to have spoken to you on the subject, till you were
+better able to bear the knowlege of what I am going to acquaint you
+with; but your prudence, I think, makes you equal to every thing; and I
+hope your health will not be endangered by the discovery of Mr
+Faulkland's baseness. (What a dreadful preface!)
+
+The day after you were taken ill, a letter, directed to you, was brought
+hither by a porter, which your maid (very discretely) delivered to me.
+As you were not in a condition to read it yourself, I thought proper to
+open it. The cover contained a few lines addressed to you; and in it was
+inclosed a letter directed to Mr Faulkland. Good God, added she, taking
+the papers out of her pocket, how little reliance ought we to have on a
+fair outside!
+
+Here are the letters; read what is in the cover first. I did so; it was
+ill writ, and worse spelt. These were the contents:
+
+    Madam,
+
+    I hear you are soon to be married to Mr Faulkland; but as I think
+    it a great pity that so virtuous a young lady should be thrown
+    away, this is to inform you, that he does not deserve you.
+
+    The inclosed letter, wrote to him by a fine and beautiful young
+    lady that he decoyed, shews you how false he is. When you tax him
+    with it, he will know from whence you got your information; but
+    let him deny it if he can.
+
+      I am, madam,
+          You unknown friend,
+              and humble servant.
+
+The letter to Mr Faulkland, in a very pretty female hand, and the date
+but a week old (from the time it was sent to me) was as follows:
+
+    "Oh! Mr Faulkland, I am the most unfortunate woman in the world!
+    Fatal have you been to me, and I am undone for ever--I was in
+    hopes that our mutual fault might have been concealed; for, while
+    we staid at Bath, I kept my aunt intirely ignorant of what passed
+    between us, though she often pressed me to confess the truth; but
+    it can now no longer be concealed. I am but too sensibly reminded
+    of the unhappy consequences of my own weakness, and your
+    ungoverned (would I could call it) love. I never meant to trouble
+    you with complaints; but my present condition calls loudly for
+    your compassion. Are you then really going to be married? There
+    wants but this to complete my destruction! Oh! Sir, before it is
+    too late, take pity on me! I dare not continue in the house with
+    my uncle much longer. My aunt says, that, when my affliction
+    becomes so conspicuous as not to be any longer hid, she will form
+    a pretence, on account of my health, for me to be absent for some
+    months, under colour of going to Bath, or to London, for better
+    advice than I can have here. But what will this avail me? I have
+    no relations, no friends, nor acquaintance, that I can trust with
+    the secret of my miserable situation. To whom then can I fly, but
+    to you, the cause of all my sorrow? I beseech you, for Heaven's
+    sake, write to me, and tell me, if indeed you are going to give
+    your self away for ever! If you are, your intended bride, perhaps,
+    may have no other advantage of me, but what you in an evil hour
+    deprived me of. Write to me, dear, though cruel as you are; and
+    think of some place of refuge for your unhappy
+                                                               A.B."
+
+When I had read these letters, my mother asked me, What I thought of Mr
+Faulkland? Indeed, I was so astonished, that I scarce knew what answer
+to make; but replied, Madam, are you satisfied that this letter is not
+forged, with a design to injure Mr Faulkland? Ah! my dear said she, I am
+sorry you strive to catch at so slender a twig; you may be sure I am but
+too well convinced that the letter is genuine, or you should never have
+had a moment's uneasiness by the knowlege of it. Mr Faulkland himself
+does not deny it, and it is with his permission that I kept it. I
+promised to return it, but desired leave to retain it for a few days. He
+could not refuse me this, though he might easily imagine I designed to
+shew it to you. That, indeed, _was_ my intention, when I desired to keep
+it a little while in my hands, and I did so, that I might have your
+judgment on the letter itself, as well as fully to justify my own
+proceedings in what I have done. Ah! dear madam, cry'd I, scarce knowing
+what I said, I rely on your maternal goodness; I am sure you have done
+what is proper. Yet has Mr Faulkland nothing to say for himself?--But I
+will ask no more questions--I know too much already--My love, said my
+mother, you have a right to know every thing relative to this affair.
+
+I shewed the letters to your brother, as soon as I received them. Sir
+George at first seemed quite confounded, but afterwards, to my very
+great surprize, he smiled, and said, he knew of that foolish business
+before. I asked him, if he knew of it before, how he could answer it to
+his honour, his conscience, or the love he ought to bear his sister, not
+to divulge it immediately? Why, said he, I assure you it is a _trivial_
+affair, that ought not to make you uneasy.
+
+What, George! I answered I, a trivial matter for a man to ruin a fine
+young lady, forsake her, and dare to involve an innocent creature in his
+crimes! Do you call this a _trivial_ affair? If you knew the
+_circumstances_, said he, you would not view it in so disadvantageous a
+light. Faulkland certainly gained the affections of a young lady, though
+without seeking to do so; he never courted her, never attempted to
+please her, much less to win her heart, and least of all to ruin her
+virtue. I know that is an action he is not capable of committing. How
+comes it to pass then that he _did_ so, said I, interrupting him? Why,
+the girl was silly, and she was thrown in his way by a vile designing
+woman that had the care of her, 'And was he (again stopping him) to take
+advantage of her folly, and join with that _vile designing_ woman, to
+destroy a poor young creature's honour?' The _best_ men, said he
+confidently, may fall into an error; and if you expect to find a man
+entirely free from them, you look for what is not possible in human
+nature.
+
+I may expect to find a man without flagrant crimes to answer for, I
+hope; and I believe I spoke it with warmth. Do you call _this_ one,
+madam, said he, with still more assurance? I hope Sidney will not be
+such a chit as to think in this manner, when she comes to hear the
+affair explained. I really grew down-right angry, and could not forbear
+saying, I would rather see you married to your grave than to such a man.
+Your brother then begged I would hear Mr Faulkland _justified_, and be a
+little cool till that was done. I told him there was a terrible fact
+alleged, of which I could not conceive it possible for him to acquit
+himself.
+
+George said, he had a letter to shew me on the subject, which he had
+received from Mr Faulkland while he was at Bath, and which he was sure
+would convince me, that the whole affair was so trifling, it ought by no
+means to be objected to Mr Faulkland, nor, in his opinion, even
+mentioned to him.
+
+I told him I was sorry to find that he and I thought so differently; for
+that I was determined to speak to Mr Faulkland immediately about it,
+and, if he could not satisfy me intirely on the score of the injured
+lady, that he must never think of Sidney more.
+
+Your brother said, that the letter which was sent to you had come from
+the revengeful dog who had robbed his master, and that he would give
+half his estate to have the villain punished as he deserved. Mr
+Faulkland, it seems, had told him this himself. The fellow found it in
+the pocket-book which he had taken out of the escrutore, and his
+disappointment, perhaps, at not getting a better booty, (for he found
+but twenty moidores besides), joined to his malice against his master,
+incited him to make the use he did of this letter. Now, continued my
+mother, though the fellow is undoubtedly a vile creature, yet, my dear,
+I think _we_ are obliged to him for this discovery, providentially as it
+has come, to save you from what, in my opinion, would be the worst of
+misfortunes.
+
+The loss of this letter had alarmed Mr Faulkland so much, that he put an
+advertisement into the papers next day, worded in so particular a
+manner, as shewed how very fearful he was of that letter's coming to
+light; for, no doubt, he suspected the man might make a dangerous use of
+it. The advertisement said, that if the servant, who had absconded from
+his master's house in St James's Square the night before, would restore
+the papers which he took with him, they should be received without any
+questions being asked, and a reward of twenty guineas paid to any person
+who should bring them back. This advertisement, which, to be sure, the
+fellow either did not see at all, or had not time enough to avail
+himself of it, shews you to what sad resources people are driven, who,
+having done unwarrantable actions, are often in the power of the lowest
+wretches. I own this circumstance gave me a very ill impression of Mr
+Faulkland. Your brother says, he remembers this man was one of the
+servants he took with him to Bath, and, without doubt, he knew of his
+amour. The advertisement has since been changed, by Sir George's advice.
+I find the man is named, his person described, and a reward of fifty
+pounds offered for the apprehending him; but I take it for granted he
+has got out of reach.
+
+Though his little digression was very pertinent, I was impatient to know
+what had passed between my mother and Mr Faulkland on the fatal subject,
+and could not forbear asking her.
+
+I shall tell you, said she, in order. Your brother and I had some
+farther altercations; and indeed, my dear, it amazes me to find, that a
+young man, educated as Sir George was, in the early part of life, in the
+strictest principles of virtue, and the son of parents, who, thank God,
+always gave him the best example, should have so far deviated from the
+sober paths he was brought up in, as to treat the most glaring vices
+with a levity that shocked me. But, I suppose, the company he kept
+abroad, among whom this hypocrite Faulkland was his chief, has quite
+perverted him. He gave me the letter to read, which he had received
+from his friend whilst he was at Bath; and which, he said, was to
+convince me that it was such a _trifling_ affair, that we ought not to
+take the least notice of it. And all his reason for this was, truly,
+because that loose man treats the subject as lightly as he does. I am
+afraid Sir George is no better than himself, or he would not have
+ventured to make him the confidant of his wild amours; and that at a
+time too when he was encouraged to address you. He tells him of a very
+pretty young lady (innocent he says too) that he got acquainted with,
+who came to Bath under the care of an aunt and uncle; he talks some idle
+stuff of avoiding her, when he found she liked him, and that the aunt
+(wicked woman!) contrived to leave them together one evening, when, I
+understand, the poor young creature fell into the snare that was
+prepared for her. For, would you believe it, my dear, the monstrous
+libertine, notwithstanding his pretences, owned that he had paid a price
+for the girl to her aunt. The betrayed creature herself knew not of
+this.
+
+I own I had not patience to read the letter through. To say the truth, I
+but run my eye in a cursory manner over it; I was afraid of meeting, at
+every line, something offensive to decency. And _this_ was the account,
+which, in your brother's opinion, was entirely to exculpate Mr
+Faulkland. I think I never was so angry. I threw the letter to George
+with indignation, telling him, I was ashamed to find, that he, after
+knowing an incident of this kind, had so little regard to the honour of
+his sister, as to promote a marriage between her and such a rake. He
+answered, if I kept you unmarried till I found such a man as _I_ should
+_not_ call a rake, you were likely to live and die a maid. That
+for his part, he was very sorry, as well for Mr Faulkland's sake as
+yours, he had ever proposed an union, which he found was likely to be
+overthrown by unseasonable scruples. And the gentleman, in a violent
+passion, flung out of the room, without deigning even to take up the
+letter which had fallen on the floor.
+
+I presume he went directly to his friend Faulkland, and told him all
+that had passed; for the plausible man came to me in the evening, and
+with looks, full of pretended sorrow, but _real_ guilt, begged I would
+hear him on the subject of a letter which he said he found had
+unfortunately prejudiced me against him. To be sure he was prepared, and
+had, with George's help, contrived an artful story to impose on me. He
+took me unawares; but I was resolved not to give him the advantage of
+arguments, but proceed to ask him a few plain questions. I therefore cut
+him short at once, by saying, Mr Faulkland, I am extremely concerned
+and shocked at what has happened; I will say but a few words to you, and
+desire to hear nothing more than answers to my questions: he bowed, and
+remained silent.
+
+I then asked him, taking the young lady's letter out of my pocket,
+whether that was from the same person, of whom he had written an account
+to my son whilst he was at Bath? He answered, It is, madam; and I hoped
+from that letter, which I find Sir George has shewn you, you would be
+induced to believe that I never formed a thought of injuring that young
+lady, till some unfortunate circumstances combined, and suddenly
+surprized me into the commission of a fault that has made us both
+unhappy. Sir, said I, I don't pretend to know people's hearts, I can
+only judge of them from their actions. You acknowlege that she was a
+fine young woman, and you believe innocent: What excuse can you offer
+for being her destroyer? Dear madam, don't use so severe an
+expression--Sir, I can use no other: How can you extenuate the fault, by
+which you merit so severe an appellation? To a lady of your rigid
+delicacy, madam, said he, perhaps what youth could offer, in extenuation
+of the fault, might appear but a weak plea: yet 'tis most certain, that
+I was surprized into the fatal error: I am under no promises, no ties,
+no engagements whatsoever to the lady. No ties, Sir! (interrupting him)
+Is your own honour no tie upon you, supposing you free from any other
+obligation? You see the consequence of this fatal error, as you call it:
+here is a young person, of fashion, perhaps (I don't enquire who she is,
+but she seems to have had no mean education), who is likely to bring a
+child into the world, to the disgrace of herself and her family. On you,
+Sir, she charges her dishonour, and mentions your marrying another, as
+the blow which is to complete her ruin. Mr Faulkland, is not all this
+truth? Be so good as to give me a direct answer. Madam, I cannot deny
+it; you have the proof of it in your hands: from all that appears to
+you, I am indeed very blameable; nay, I do not pretend to vindicate my
+folly; but, Madam, do not aggravate my fault in your own thoughts, by
+considering the affair in a more unfavourable light than what even her
+letter puts it! I conjure you, madam, to suffer Sir George to be my
+advocate on this occasion; he is acquainted with every particular of the
+transaction, and can give you a detail that I will not presume to do. Be
+pleased, Sir, replied I, to tell me what you mean to do in regard to
+this lady? I mean to do all that I _can_ do, answered he; I shall
+provide a place of retreat for her, where she will meet with the utmost
+care, tenderness, and respect; and where she may continue with privacy
+till she is in a condition to return home again to her friends. You may
+be sure, madam, as to the rest, I shall acquit myself consistently with
+honour. That is as much as to say, Sir, said I, that you will take care
+of the maintenance of your poor babe. He looked as if he had a mind to
+smile, forward man! but constrained it. Doubtless, madam, I shall do all
+that is now in my power to do, in every circumstance relating to her.
+
+I felt myself exceedingly displeased with him; I was so disappointed in
+my opinion of him, that it increased my resentment. Sir, I proceeded, I
+must inform you, that there is as much _now_ in your power as ever there
+was. You are still unmarried; the way is open to you, to repair the
+mischief you have done: I will never bring down the curses of an injured
+maid upon my daughter's head, nor purchase her worldly prosperity at the
+expence of the shame and sorrow of another woman, for ought I know, as
+well born, as tenderly bred, and, till she knew you, perhaps as innocent
+as herself. For heaven's sake, madam! he cry'd, don't, don't, I beseech
+you, pronounce my fate so hastily--You must pardon me, Sir, said I, if I
+beg to hear no more on this subject. Sir George has already said every
+thing you could expect of your friend to say in your justification, and
+more than became him to utter. All I can find by either you or him, is,
+that you think the loss of honour to a young woman is a trifle, which a
+man is not obliged to repair, because truly he did not _promise_ to do
+so. This young creature, I understand, is a gentlewoman, very charming
+in her person, by your own account; one who loves you tenderly, and will
+shortly make you a father. Is not all this so? I grant it madam, said
+the criminal. Then, Sir, what reason can you urge in your conscience for
+not doing her justice? None--but your own inconstant inclinations, which
+happen now to be better pleased with another woman, whom, perhaps, you
+might forsake in a few months.
+
+I cannot pretend to repeat to you all he said upon this last article:
+worse of course, you may be sure. He intreated, over and over again,
+that I would permit Sir George to plead for him. I told him, that after
+the facts he had granted, it was impossible that either he or Sir George
+could make the affair better; that I was very sorry to find myself
+disappointed in a person of whom I had conceived so high an opinion; and
+added, that as your illness made it very improper to let you know any
+thing of the matter for the present, I should take it as a favour if he
+would permit me to retain the lady's letter to him for a few days, or
+till you were in a condition to have the matter broke to you. In the
+mean while, I requested that he would dispense with my receiving any
+more visits from him.
+
+He said some frantic things (for the man seems of a violent temper); but
+finding me peremptory, took his leave with respect.
+
+I understand from Sir George, that he flew directly down to Richmond, to
+a little house he has there, where he has remained ever since; but sends
+every day to enquire after your health. Sir George, I am sure, sees him
+often; for he frequently goes out early in the morning, and stays abroad
+till night. The increase of your illness, from the time I received the
+last visit from Mr Faulkland, to such a degree as to alarm us for your
+life, I suppose, prevented your brother from reassuming the subject;
+though I can perceive he is full of anger and vexation on the occasion.
+You are now, my dear, God be praised, in a hopeful way of recovery, and
+I expect that George (who has, by espousing this man's interests so
+warmly, very much offended me), that George, I say, will renew his
+sollicitations in his favour. What do you say, my child? I should be
+glad to know your thoughts, with regard to the part I have acted, as
+well as with respect to Mr Faulkland's conduct.
+
+Shall I own my weakness to you, my dear Cecilia? I was ready to melt
+into tears; my spirits, exhausted by sickness, were not proof against
+this unexpected blow; a heavy sigh burst from my heart, that gave me a
+little relief. You know my mother is rigid in her notions of virtue; and
+I was determined to shew her that I would endeavour to imitate her. I
+therefore suppressed the swelling passion in my breast, and, with as
+much composure as I could assume, told her, I thought she acted as
+became her; and that, with regard to Mr Faulkland, my opinion of his
+conduct was such, that I never desired to see him more. This answer,
+dictated perhaps by female pride (for I will not answer for the feelings
+of my heart at that instant), was so agreeable to my mother, that she
+threw her arms about my neck, and kissed me several times; blessing, and
+calling me by the most endearing names at every interval. Her tenderness
+overcame me; or, to deal with sincerity, I believe I was willing to make
+it an excuse for weeping. Oh! my dear mother, cry'd I, I have need of
+your indulgence; but indeed your goodness quite overpowers me. My dear
+love, said she, you deserve it all, and more than it is in your mother's
+power to shew you. What a blessed escape have you had, my sweet child,
+of that wild man! Little did I think, my Sidney, when I told you the
+story of my first disappointment, that a case so parallel would soon be
+your own. With respect to you and me indeed, the incidents are nearly
+alike; but there is a wide difference between the two men. My lover had
+the grace to repent, and would have returned to his first engagements,
+if a dreadful malady had not overtaken him; but this graceless Faulkland
+persists in his infidelity, and would make you as culpable as himself. I
+own to you, daughter, that the recollection of that melancholy event
+which happened to me, has given me a sort of horror at the very thoughts
+of a union between you and Mr Faulkland. You remember the sad
+consequences which I related to you of an infidelity of this kind; the
+poor forsaken woman died of grief, and the dishonest lover ran mad.
+Think of this, my child, and let it encourage you to banish such an
+unworthy man from your heart. I was afraid your regard for him might
+make this a difficult task; but I rejoice to find your virtue is
+stronger than your passion. _I_ loved as well as you, but I overcame it
+when I found it a duty to do so; and I see your mother's example is not
+lost upon you.
+
+The honest pride that my mother endeavoured to inspire me with, had a
+good effect, and kept up my spirits for a time. She told me, she was
+sure that Sir George would quarrel with us both, when we came to talk
+upon the subject of the marriage; but she was entirely easy as to that,
+now she knew that _my_ sentiments corresponded with her own.
+
+You know my mother has ever been despotic in her government of me; and
+had I even been inclined to dissent from her judgment in a matter of
+this importance, it would have been to no purpose; but this was really
+far from my thoughts.
+
+I was as much disgusted with Mr Faulkland as she was, and as heartily
+pitied the unhappy young creature whom he had undone.
+
+You may recollect, my dear, that my mother, tho' strictly nice in every
+particular, has a sort of partiality to her own sex, and where there is
+the least room for it, throws the whole of the blame upon the _man's_
+side; who, from her own early prepossessions, she is always inclined to
+think are deceivers of women. I am not surprized at this bias in her;
+her early disappointment, with the attending circumstances, gave her
+this impression. She is warm, and sometimes _sudden_, in her
+attachments; and yet it is not always difficult to turn her from them.
+The integrity of her own heart makes her liable to be imposed on by a
+plausible outside; and yet the dear good woman takes a sort of pride in
+her sagacity. She had admired and esteemed Mr Faulkland prodigiously;
+her vexation was the greater, in finding her expectations disappointed;
+and could I have been so unjust to the pretensions of another, or so
+indelicate in regard to myself, as to have overlooked Mr Faulkland's
+fault, I knew my mother would be inflexible. I therefore resolved in
+earnest to banish him from my thoughts. I found my mother was mightily
+pleased with her own management of the conversation she had held with Mr
+Faulkland. I think I talked pretty _roundly_ to him, said she; but there
+was no other way; he is an artful man, and I was resolved not to let him
+wind me about. He would make a merit of having _formed no designs_ upon
+the young lady; why, possibly, he did not, till he found the poor soul
+was so smitten with him, that he thought she would be an easy prey. Sir
+George impudently insinuated, that a man _must_ not reject a lady upon
+these occasions. I was ashamed to hint to Mr Faulkland at the
+circumstance of his having actually paid a price for the girl; it was
+too gross; and I think, had I mentioned it, must have struck him dumb:
+though very likely he might have had some subterfuge, even for that
+aggravating part of the story.
+
+How I am shock'd, my Cecilia, to think of this! I was glad my mother had
+spared his confusion on this particular; for though probably, as she
+observed, he had come prepared with some evasion to this charge, yet
+what a mean figure must a man make, who is reduced to disingenuous
+shifts, to excuse or palliate an action, despicable as well as wicked!
+
+My brother came in, during our discourse, to ask me how I did. My mother
+answered his question before I had time to speak. She is pretty well,
+thank God! and not likely to break her heart, though she _knows_ your
+friend Mr Faulkland's story (and she spoke it scornfully). My brother
+said, Sidney, Are _you_ as averse to Mr Faulkland as my mother is? I
+replied, Brother, I wonder you can ask me that question, after what you
+have been just now told. I always said, answered he, that you did not
+know the value of the man, and now I am convinced of it. I wish he had
+never seen you! I wish so too, said I. Sir George walked about the room,
+and seemed vexed to death. For Heaven's sake, madam, (turning to my
+mother) now my sister is tolerably recovered, suffer her to see Mr
+Faulkland; let her hear what he has to say in his own vindication: I
+think you may trust to her honour, and her discretion; and if the affair
+appears to her in so heinous a light as it does to you, I will be
+contented to give Mr Faulkland up; but don't shut your own ears, and
+your daughter's too, against conviction.
+
+Sir, you are disrespectful, said my mother angrily. Dear brother, I
+cry'd, I beg you will spare me on this subject; my mother _has_ given me
+leave to judge for myself; she has repeated all that you have said, and
+all that Mr Faulkland has been able to urge on the occasion; and I am
+sorry to tell you, that I think myself bound never to have any farther
+correspondence with him; therefore you must excuse me for not seeing
+him. And so the match is broke off, cry'd Sir George. _It is_, said my
+mother peremptorily. It is, echoed I faintly. Why then, replied Sir
+George (and he swore), you will never get such another whilst you live.
+A pretty figure you'll make in the world, when you give it for a reason
+that you refused _such_ a man, after every thing was concluded upon,
+because truly you found that he had had an intrigue! Why, Sidney, you'll
+be so laugh'd at! He addressed himself to me, though I knew he meant the
+reproof for my mother. Sir, answered she, neither your sister nor I
+shall trouble ourselves much about the opinion of people who _can_ laugh
+at such things. You may put the matter into as ridiculous a light as you
+please: but this was no common intrigue; _you know_ it was not, however
+you may affect to speak of it. I don't suppose _any_ of you are
+_Saints_, but I trust in Heaven, some are better than others. Oh! madam,
+madam, said my brother, if you knew the world as well _I_ do, you would
+think that Mr Faulkland is one of the best. God forbid! my mother
+answered coolly. Well, well, madam, cry'd Sir George, I see it is to no
+purpose to argue; there are many families of more consequence than ours,
+and ten times the fortune, that will be very proud of Faulkland's
+alliance; and will hardly make it an objection to him, that he was led
+into a foolish scrape by the wickedness of one woman, and the folly of
+another. If you make my sister wait for a husband, till you find a man
+who never offended in that way, I think, mother, you had better take a
+little boy from his nurse, breed him up under your own eye, and by the
+time Sidney is a good motherly gentlewoman, you may give her the baby to
+make a play-thing of. For my own part, I am heartily sorry I ever
+interfered.--People of such nice scruples had better chuse for
+themselves; but I cannot help thinking, that both Faulkland and I are
+very ill used. I told you (said my mother to me) how he would behave.
+Sir George, I desire you will not distress your sister thus (She saw me
+sadly cast down: I was ill and weak): if you have no respect for _me_,
+have a little tenderness for her.--I beg your pardon, child, said he, I
+did not mean to distress you, I pity _you_, indeed Sidney. I could have
+cry'd at his using that expression, it humbles one so. Madam (to my
+mother), you shall be troubled no farther by my friend or myself; all I
+shall say is this, that whenever my sister gets a husband of your
+ladyship's chusing, I wish he may have half the worth of the poor
+rejected Faulkland.
+
+My brother left the room with these words. My mother was downright in a
+passion, but soon cooled on his withdrawing.
+
+My spirits were quite fatigued; and my mother left me, that I might take
+a little rest.
+
+What a strange alteration have a few days produced! our domestic peace
+broke in upon by the unlucky difference between my mother and my
+brother. My near prospect of--of--oh! let me be ingenuous, and say
+Happiness, vanished--Poor Mr Faulkland! _Poor_ do I call him? for shame,
+Sidney--but let the word go; I will not blot it. Mr Faulkland forbid the
+house, myself harassed by a cruel disorder, and hardly able to crawl out
+of bed. All this fallen on me within these last fourteen black days.
+Then I dread the going abroad, or seeing company, I shall look so silly;
+for the intended wedding began to be talked of;--and the curiosity of
+people to know the cause of it's being broke off--What wild guesses will
+be made by some, and what lies invented by others! Then the ill-natured
+mirth of one half of the girls of my acquaintance, and the _as_
+provoking condolements of the other hand--I am fretted at the thoughts
+of it--but it cannot be helped; I must bear it all--I wish I were well
+enough to get into the country, to be out of the reach of such
+impertinence.
+
+I long to know who this ill-fated girl is, that has been the cause of
+all this. _A gentlewoman, and very pretty; one that loves Mr Faulkland,
+and will shortly make him a parent._ Thus my mother described her to Mr
+Faulkland, and he assented to it. Oh! fie, fie, Mr Faulkland, how could
+you be so cruel to _her_? How could you use _me_ so ill? and Sir George
+knew of all this, and makes light of it! it is a strange story! My
+mother is severe in her virtue, but she is in the right--My brother
+would sacrifice every consideration to aggrandize his family--To make a
+purchase of the unhappy creature, and that without her knowlege too, it
+is horrid! Away, away from my thoughts, thou vile intruder--Return to
+your Bath mistress, she has a better right to you than I have; she
+implores your pity; she has no refuge but you; and she may be every way
+preferable to me--I wish I knew her name, but what is it to me; _mine_
+will never be Faulkland, _hers_ ought. Perhaps Mr Faulkland may be
+induced to marry her, when he sees her in her present interesting
+situation. He says he will provide a retreat for her; to be sure he will
+have the compassion to visit her: and then who knows what may happen?
+If I know my own heart, I think I do most sincerely wish he may make her
+his wife; but then I would not chuse to have it known suddenly; that
+might look as if he forsook me for her. _That_, I own, would a little
+hurt my pride. I wish not the truth to be known, for Mr Faulkland's
+sake; but then I should not like to have a slur thrown on me.
+
+I will add no more to this, but send the packet off at all events; I
+think it will find you at Paris.
+
+
+                               _August 1_
+
+My health promises to return: my mother praises me, and calls me a
+Heroine. I begin to fancy myself one: our pride sometimes stands in the
+place of virtue.
+
+Sir George went to Richmond yesterday. We have scarce seen him since the
+tift he had with us the other day. What strange creatures these men are,
+even the best of them! and how light they make of faults in one another,
+that shock us but to think of!
+
+My mother takes his behaviour very ill: he staid all night with his
+friend, and returned to town this morning: he only looked into my room,
+to ask me how I did: my mother was sitting with me. I believe that
+hindered him from coming in; for he looked as if he wanted to speak to
+me. He bowed to my mother, but said not a word; he went abroad again as
+soon as he was dressed, and did not come in till late. I fear his
+conduct will oblige us to separate; for my mother will not brook any
+liberties to be taken with her: she hinted as much, and said she
+believed Sir George was tired of living regularly.
+
+She anticipated the request I intended to make to her, of letting me go
+out of town; for she said, as soon as I was able, I should remove into
+the country for a while. Sidney Castle is too long a journey for me at
+present to think of undertaking, and she talks of going into Essex, on a
+visit to Lady Grimston, which we have long promised her. I shall like
+this better than going down to Wiltshire, where the want of my Cecilia
+would make my old abode a melancholy place, especially at this juncture.
+
+
+                               _August 4_
+
+Sir George continues sullen and cold to us: he never has had an
+opportunity of saying any thing particular to me since the day he said
+so much. My mother scarce ever leaves me; he seems nettled at this. I
+believe he would endeavour to work on _me_, as he knows the attempt
+would be vain in regard to _her_. As I am now well enough to receive the
+visits of our intimate acquaintance, I am never without company. I am
+really in pretty good spirits, and bear my disappointment (as I told you
+I would) very handsomely. I never hear Mr Faulkland's name mentioned, no
+more than if such a man did not exist. We are to set out for lady
+Grimston's house on Tuesday; it is but twenty miles from London; and I
+am already strong enough to bear a longer journey.
+
+My mother told Sir George, that if he liked it, the house we are now in
+was at his service during her time of it, of which there are some months
+to come; for she said, she meant to go directly home from Essex. Sir
+George thanked her, but did not say whether he would accept of her offer
+or not.
+
+
+                               _August 5_
+
+I have been obliged to turn away my poor Ellen. She was so imprudent as
+to receive a letter for me from Mr Faulkland's man, contrary to my
+mother's express commands. She brought it to me, and I gave it to my
+mother unopened; who put it directly into the fire without reading it,
+and told me it would oblige her, if I would part with the servant who
+had presumed to take it after her prohibition. I instantly obeyed, and
+have just discharged her. I should have a sad loss of her, only I am in
+hopes of having her place well supplied by an old acquaintance and
+play-fellow of ours, poor Patty Main; her father is dead, and she is
+obliged to go to service, for he has left a widow with six children. The
+eldest son, you remember, served his time to his father, and is just now
+setting out in business; but a young surgeon in a country town must take
+some time to establish himself; though he is a very worthy youth, and I
+hear clever in his profession.
+
+Patty came to town last week with a lady from our neighbourhood, who
+applied to my mother to recommend the girl to wait on some person of
+fashion. My mother has been looking out for a suitable place for her;
+but she told me today, she thought I could not do better than take her
+to myself; I shall be very glad to have her, for she is an amiable young
+woman.
+
+
+                               _August 6_
+
+We go out of town at seven o'clock to-morrow morning, as we are to dine
+at Grimston-hall, and purpose going at our leisure. I will steal a few
+minutes from sleep, though it is now very late, to give you a short
+scene which passed in my chamber about an hour ago.
+
+Sir George (who, according to his late custom, had been abroad all day)
+came into my room, where my mother and I were sitting together. He asked
+us, Did we hold our purpose of going out of town next day? Yes,
+certainly, my mother said. And you intend going from lady Grimston's to
+Sidney Castle? We do. Then, madam (to my mother), as it is the last
+trouble you are likely to have from Mr Faulkland, I hope you will not
+refuse to read this letter, which he has sent you; and he took one out
+of his pocket, and presented it to her. She did not make an offer to
+receive it, but answered, Sir George, it is to no purpose for Mr
+Faulkland to sollicit me; you know I don't easily alter my resolutions
+when once they are fixed: he has given himself an unnecessary trouble;
+pray excuse me: it was not handsome of him to write to my daughter,
+after he knew my sentiments. You need not be afraid of fresh
+sollicitations, madam, said my brother; I knew enough of your _firmness_
+(and he spoke the word firmness reluctantly, as if he would rather have
+used another, perhaps less respectful term); I knew enough to assure
+Faulkland there was not the least hope left for him; and though I do not
+know the subject of that letter, I can venture to assure you, it is not
+intended to move you in favour of his pretensions: this he declared to
+me, before I would take the letter from him; but what puts it past
+doubt, is, that he set out this very evening from London, in order to
+embark for Germany. I could not help breathing a sigh when Sir George
+said this; but no body heard me. He still held the letter in his hand,
+and again offered it to my mother; you need not be afraid of it, madam;
+I presume it may be no more than to take a civil leave of you. I wish
+him well, said my mother, taking the letter; if that be all, what he
+says may keep cold; and she put it into her pocket without opening.
+
+This being the eve of our journey, some little domestic matters, which
+my mother had to settle, called her out of the room. Sir George took
+that opportunity to ask me, whether my mother had shewed me the letter
+which he had received from Mr Faulkland while he was at Bath, relative
+to that cursed affair, as he called it. I told him, my mother had
+repeated great part of the contents of it to me; and that the principal
+observation she had made, was not favourable to _him_, on account of his
+being made the confidant of such an affair.
+
+I am very sorry for your sake, Sidney, said he, that our mother is of so
+inflexible a temper; you have lost by it, what you will have reason to
+regret as long as you live. Such amazing obstinacy! such unaccountable
+perverseness! I do not want to shake your filial obedience; but I, for
+my own part, think that nothing but infatuation can account for your
+mother's conduct--Does she want a man without passions? Or have _you_
+filled your head with such chimærical notions as to--I interrupted him
+(for my brother is not always nice in his choice of words);--Dear Sir
+George, say no more; I am very well contented as I am. I will not
+increase your uneasiness, said he, by telling you what Faulkland has
+suffered on this occasion. If ever love was carried to adoration, it was
+in the breast of that generous, charming fellow--but you have lost
+him--and I have lost him; thanks to my wise scrupulous mother for that.
+I begged of him to drop the subject. My mother came in to us again. Sir
+George bid us good night, and wished us a good journey. The parting was
+cool enough. I am glad, however, there is not a total rupture. I believe
+he will continue in our house in town for a time, at least.
+
+Patty Main, who gladly accepted of the offer of my service, came home to
+me this evening. She is grown very tall and genteel. I hardly know how
+to treat her as a servant; but the good girl is so humble, that she does
+all in her power to make me forget that I ever knew her in a better
+situation; but in this she fails of her purpose, for it only serves to
+remind me the more strongly of it: she is so ready, and so handy, that
+she does twenty little offices that do not belong to her place, and
+which are not expected of her. My mother is exceedingly pleased with
+her, and says it is such a happiness to have about me a young person
+virtuously brought up, that she almost considers her as one of the
+family.
+
+
+                       _Grimston-hall, August 8_
+
+We arrived here yesterday, and met a most friendly reception from the
+lady of this mansion. But before I say any more of her, I will hasten to
+a more interesting subject. I have got Mr Faulkland's letter to my
+mother; she has just put it into my hands; and while she walks in the
+garden with lady Grimston, I will make haste to transcribe it. Thus it
+is:
+
+    Madam,
+
+    I submit to the sentence you have passed on me. I am miserable,
+    but do not presume to expostulate. I purpose leaving England
+    directly; but would wish if possible (a little to mitigate the
+    severity of my lot), to convince you, that the unhappy rejected
+    man, who aspired to the honour of being your son-in-law, is not
+    quite such a criminal as he now appears to you.
+
+    To Sir George's friendship I know I am much indebted for
+    endeavouring to vindicate me. It was not in his power, it was not
+    in my own; for you saw all which I, in unreserved freedom, wrote
+    to him on the subject of my acquaintance with Miss B.
+
+    I have but one resource left; perhaps, madam, you will think it a
+    strange one. To the lady herself I must appeal. She will do me
+    justice, and I am sure will be ready to acknowlege that I am no
+    betrayer of innocence, no breaker of promises; that I was
+    surprized into the commission of a fault, for which I have paid so
+    dear a price.
+
+    Her testimony, madam, may perhaps have some weight with you;
+    though I propose nothing more by it, than that you may think of me
+    with less detestation. You have banished me from your presence: I
+    am a voluntary exile from my country, and from my friends: submit
+    to the chastisement, and would do anything to expiate my offence
+    against you and Miss Bidulph. There is but _one_ command which you
+    can possibly lay on me, to which I would not pay a perfect and
+    ready obedience; but that act, perhaps, is the _only_ one which
+    would make me appear worthy of your esteem.
+
+    The lady whom it has been my ill fate to render unhappy, and by
+    whom I am made unutterably so, will, ere long, come to a house at
+    Putney, which I have taken on purpose for her. I have placed in it
+    my housekeeper, a grave worthy woman, under whose care she will be
+    safe, and attended with that secresy and tenderness which her
+    condition requires.
+
+    I have written to her a faithful account of every thing relative
+    to my hoped-for alliance with your family, and the occasion of the
+    treaty's being broken off. As she must, by this means, know that
+    your ladyship is acquainted with her story, I have told her, that,
+    perhaps you might, from the interest you took in her misfortune,
+    be induced to see her in her retirement. Let me, therefore,
+    conjure you, madam, by that pious zeal which governs all your
+    actions, and by the love you bear that daughter so deservedly dear
+    to you, to take compassion on this young lady. She has no friends,
+    nor any acquaintance in this part of the kingdom; her situation
+    will require the comfort of society, and perhaps, the advice of
+    wisdom. It will be an act worthy of your humanity to shew some
+    countenance to her.
+
+    I think she will be in very good hands with the honest woman who
+    waits her coming; but if any thing should happen otherwise than
+    well, it would make me doubly wretched.
+
+    To one who has no resources of contentment in her own bosom,
+    solitude cannot be a friend; this I fear may be the lady's case;
+    and this makes me with the more earnestness urge my request to
+    you. Forgive me, madam, for the liberty I take with you; a
+    liberty, which, though I confess it needs an apology, yet is it at
+    the same time a proof of the confidence I have in you, which I
+    hope will not affront either your candour or your virtue.
+
+    If you will condescend to grant this request, I shall obtain the
+    two wishes at present most material to my peace; the one to secure
+    to the lady a compassionate friend, already inclined to espouse
+    her cause; the other, to put it in your power to be satisfied from
+    the lady's own mouth, of the truth of what I have asserted. I
+    trust to her generosity to deal openly on this occasion.
+
+    I wish you and Miss Bidulph every blessing that Heaven can bestow,
+    and am, with great respect,
+
+            Madam,
+        Your ladyship's
+            Most obedient humble Servant,
+                ORLANDO FAULKLAND.
+
+    P.S. The lady will go by the name of Mrs Jefferis: you will pardon
+    me for not having mentioned her _real name_. I never yet told it
+    even to Sir George; but I presume she will make no secret of it to
+    you, if you honour her with a visit.
+
+Poor Orlando! unhappy Miss B! I could name a third person, that is not
+_happy_ neither. What a pity it is, that so many good qualities, should
+be blotted by imperfections! how tender is his compassion for this poor
+girl! how ingenuous his conduct! but still he flies from her. I fear she
+can never hope to recover him. There is but _one_ thing, he says, which
+_he would not do; the only act, perhaps, by which he could make himself
+appear worthy of my mother's esteem_. The meaning of this but too
+plainly shews him determined against marrying Miss B. I don't know any
+thing else which would reconcile my mother to him.
+
+I make no doubt of her complying with Mr Faulkland's request in seeing
+the lady; she is very compassionate, particularly to her own sex.
+
+What a _strange resource_ indeed is this of Mr Faulkland's, to appeal to
+the lady herself! What am I to judge from it, but that the unfortunate
+victim, ignorant of the treachery that was practised against her by her
+wicked aunt, and that her destroyer paid a _price_ for her dishonour,
+exculpates him from the worst part of the guilt, and perhaps, poor easy
+creature, blames her own weakness only for the error which a concealed
+train of cunning and perfidy might have led her into?
+
+But even supposing Miss B. were generous and candid enough (and great
+indeed must be her candour and generosity) to justify this guilty man,
+What would it avail? Did not my mother tell me she conceived a _sort of
+horror at the bare idea of an union between Mr Faulkland and me_? This
+arises from the strong impression made on her by the unlucky event which
+blasted her own early love. Strong and early prejudices are almost
+insurmountable.
+
+My mother's piety, genuine and rational as it is, is notwithstanding a
+little tinctured with superstition; it was the error of her education,
+and her good sense has not been able to surmount it; so that I now the
+universe would not induce her to change her resolution in regard to Mr
+Faulkland. She thinks he _ought_ to marry miss B. and she will _ever_
+think so. I wish he would; for I am sure he never can be mine. The bell
+rings for breakfast; I must run down. My mother came up to dress just
+now, and stepped into my room. I returned her the letter, and she asked
+me, What I thought of Mr Faulkland's request? madam, you are a better
+judge of the propriety of it than I am. I shall have no objection to
+seeing the unhappy lady, said she, since it seems he has apprised her of
+my knowlege of her affairs. I am glad he has the grace to shew even so
+much compassion for her: perhaps it may be the beginning of repentance,
+and time may work a thorough reformation in him, if God spares him his
+life and his _senses_. You see which way my good mother's thoughts
+tended. I did not, she added, intend to return to London again; but this
+occasion, I think, calls upon me; and I believe I shall go for a while,
+in order to see and comfort this poor young creature. She cannot yet be
+near lying in; and I suppose she will not come to the house Mr Faulkland
+speaks of, till she can no longer remain undiscovered at home; so that a
+month or two hence will be full soon enough for me to think of going to
+town.
+
+I saw my mother rested her compliance with Mr Faulkland's request,
+merely on one point; that of compassion to the girl. As for the other
+motive, said she, the hearing him justified from the _Lady's own mouth_,
+I am not such a novice in those matters, but that I know when a deluding
+man has once got an ascendency over a young creature, he can coax her
+into any thing. Too much truth I doubt there is in this observation of
+my mother's.
+
+But it is time to say something of lady Grimston. My Cecilia has never
+seen her, though I believe she has often heard my mother speak of her.
+They are nearly of an age, and much of the same cast of thinking; though
+with this difference, that lady Grimston is extravagantly rigid in her
+notions, and precise in her manner. She has been a widow for many years,
+and lives upon a large jointure at Grimston-hall, with as much
+regularity and solemnity, as you would see in a monastery. Her servants
+are all antediluvians; I believe her coach horses are fifty years of
+age, and the very house-dog is as grey as a badger. She herself, who in
+her youth never _could_ have been handsome, renders herself still a more
+unpleasing figure, by the oddity of her dress; you would take her for a
+lady of Charles the first's court at least. She is always dressed out: I
+believe she sleeps in her cloaths, for she comes down ruffled, and
+towered, and flounced, and fardingal'd, even to breakfast. My mother has
+a _very_ high opinion of her, and says, she _knows more of the world_
+than any one of her acquaintance. It may be so; but it must be of the
+old world; for lady Grimston has not been ten miles from her seat these
+thirty years. 'Tis nine years since my mother and she met before, and
+there was a world of compliments passed between them; though I am sure
+they were sincerely glad to see each other, for they seem to be very
+fond. They were companions in youth, that season wherein the most
+durable friendships are contracted. I believe her really a very good
+woman; she is pious and charitable, and does abundance of good things in
+her neighbourhood; though I cannot say I think her amiable. There is an
+austerity about her that keeps me in awe, notwithstanding that she is
+extremely obliging to me, and told my mother, I _promised to make a fine
+woman_. Think of such a compliment to one of almost nineteen. My mother
+and she call one another by their christian names; and you would smile
+to hear the two old ladies (begging their pardons,) _Lettying_ and
+_Dollying_ one another. This accounts to me for lady Grimston's thinking
+_me_ still a child; for I suppose she considers herself not much past
+girl-hood, though, to do her justice, she has not a scrap of it in her
+behaviour.
+
+
+                              _August 10_
+
+All our motions here are as regular as the clock. The family rise at
+six; we are summoned to breakfast at eight; at ten a venerable
+congregation are assembled to prayers, which an ancient clergyman, who
+is curate of the parish, and her ladyship's chaplain, gives us daily.
+Then the old horses are put to the old coach; and my lady, with her
+guests, if they chuse it, take an airing; always going and returning by
+the same road, and driving precisely to the same land-mark, and no
+farther. At half an hour after twelve, in a hall large enough to
+entertain a corporation, we sit down to dinner; my lady has a grace of a
+quarter of an hour long, and we are waited on by four truly venerable
+footmen, for she likes state. The afternoon we may dispose of as we
+please; at least it is a liberty I am indulged in, and I generally spend
+my time in the garden, or my own chamber, till I have notice given me of
+supper's being on the table, where we are treated with the same
+ceremonials as at dinner. At ten exactly, the instant the clock strikes
+the first stroke, my lady rises with great solemnity, and wishes us a
+good night.
+
+
+                              _August 14_
+
+You cannot expect, in such a house as this is, my dear, that I can be
+furnished with materials to give you much variety. Indeed these four
+last days have been so exactly the same in every particular, excepting
+that the dishes at dinner and supper were changed, that I had resolved
+to hang up my pen till I quitted Grimston-hall, or at least resign it to
+Patty, and let her plod on and tell you how the wind blew such a day;
+what sort of a mantua lady Grimston had on such a day (though by the way
+it is always the same, always ash-coloured tissue); what the great dog
+barked at, at such an hour, and what the old parrot said at such a time;
+the house and the garden I have exhausted my descriptive faculties on
+already, though, they are neither of them worth describing; and I was
+beginning to despair of matter to furnish out a quarter of an hour's
+entertainment, when the scene began to brighten a little this auspicious
+day, by the arrival of a coach full of visitors. These were no other
+than a venerable dean, who is the minister of our parish, his lady and
+daughter, and a Mr Arnold, a gentleman who is a distant relation of lady
+Grimston's. He has a house in this neighbourhood, and is just come to
+an estate by the death of his elder brother.
+
+This visit has given me hopes that I may now and then have a chance for
+seeing a human face, besides the antiques of the family, and those which
+are depicted on the arras. Though not to disparage the people, they were
+all agreeable enough in their different ways. The old dean is good
+humoured and polite; I mean the true politeness, that of the heart,
+which dictates the most obliging things in so frank a manner, that they
+have not the least appearance of flattery. Being very near sighted, he
+put on a pair of spectacles to look at me, and turning to Mr Arnold,
+with a vivacity that would have become five-and-twenty, he repeated
+
+                    'With an air and a face,
+                    'And a shape and a grace, &c.'
+
+The young man smiled his assent, and my mother looked so delighted, that
+the good-natured dean's compliment pleased _me_ for _her_ sake. Lady
+Grimston, who is passionately fond of musick, has a very pretty organ in
+one of her chambers; Mr Arnold was requested to give us a lesson on it,
+which he very readily obliged us with. He plays ravishingly; the
+creature made me envious, he touched it so admirably. I had taken a sort
+of dislike to him when he first came in, I cannot tell you why or
+wherefore; but this accomplishment has reconciled me so to him, that I
+am half in love with him. I hope we shall see him often; he is really
+excellent on this instrument, and you know how fond I am of musick.
+
+
+                              _August 15_
+
+This packet is already so large that I am sure it will frighten you. I
+will therefore send it off before I increase it; especially as I am now
+so much in the hum-drum way, that I ought, out of policy, to make a
+break in my narrative, in order to encourage you to read it. Positively,
+if things do not mend, and that considerably too,--Patty shall keep
+the journal, for I find myself already disposed to sleep over it.
+
+
+                              _August 20_
+
+I have looked over what Patty has writ for the five last days; upon my
+word she is a very good journalist, as well as amanuensis; and she has
+given you, to the full, as good an account of matters and things as I
+could.
+
+My time passes rather more tolerably than I expected. The dean's family
+seem to have broke the solitary _spell_ that hung over the house, and we
+have company you see every day. Mr Arnold never fails. I always make him
+play; he is very obliging, and, if he were not good natured, I should
+tire him.
+
+
+                              _August 22_
+
+I have had a letter from Sir George; he mentions not Mr Faulkland; I too
+am endeavouring to forget him. When my mother goes to London, I will try
+to prevail on her to let me go down to Sidney-castle. I have no
+inclination to go to town, and less to stay here. We are to have a
+concert to-morrow, at Mr Arnold's house. My lively good old dean touches
+the bass viol, his daughter sings prettily; I am to bear my part too; so
+that we begin to grow a little sociable.
+
+
+                              _August 30_
+
+Are you not tired of my Grimston journal, my Cecilia? Day after day rolls
+on, and the same dull repetition! Lady Grimston, the Dean, and Mr
+Arnold, perpetually! there is no bearing this, you cry. Well, but here
+is a new personage arrived to diversity the scene a little. Lady
+Grimston's daughter, a sweet woman; but her mother does not seem fond of
+her. It amazes me, for she is perfectly amiable, both in temper and
+person; she is a widow of about eight and twenty. Lady Grimston appears
+to treat her with a distance very unmaternal; and the poor young woman
+seems so humbled, that I pity her. She is come but on a visit, and we
+shall lose her in a week, for which I am very sorry, as I have taken a
+fancy to her.
+
+
+                             _September 1_
+
+Poor Mrs Vere! that is the name of Lady Grimston's daughter. I can now
+give you the cause of her mother's coldness to her; I had it from
+herself; she told me her little history this evening in the garden, with
+a frankness that charmed me.
+
+How happy you are, dear Miss Bidulph, said she! you seem to be blessed
+with one of the tenderest of parents. I am indeed, I answered; she is
+one of the best of mothers, and the best of women. She sighed, and a
+tear started into her eye; I too was happy once, said she, when my
+indulgent father lived. I hope, madam, Lady Grimston is to you, what my
+good mother is to me. She shook her head: No, Miss Bidulph, it must be
+but too obvious to you that she is not. I should not have introduced the
+subject, if the cold severity of her looks were not so apparent that
+you must have taken notice of them. My mother is, undoubtedly, a very
+good woman; and you may naturally suppose, that my conduct has been such
+as to deserve her frowns; I will therefore tell you my melancholy,
+though short story. It is now about twelve years since Mr Vere paid his
+addresses to me. He was the eldest son of a gentleman of family and
+fortune, who then lived in this country. I was about sixteen, and the
+darling of my father; who was perhaps the more indulgent to me, as he
+knew my mother's severity. Mr Vere was but two years older than myself,
+and a childish courtship had gone on for some time between us, before it
+was suspected by any body; and to say the truth, before I was well aware
+of the consequences myself. It happened, that an elderly gentleman of a
+great estate, just at that time saw and liked me, and directly made
+proposals to my mother, as she was very well known to hold the reins of
+government in her family.
+
+This offer, I suppose, was advantageous; for she immediately consulted
+my father upon it, or rather gave him to understand that she meant to
+dispose of her daughter in marriage.
+
+My father, who had no objection to the match, told her he was very well
+satisfied, provided I liked the gentleman; but said, he hoped she would
+not think of putting any force on my inclinations. My eldest sister had
+been married some time before by my mother's sole authority, and quite
+contrary to her own liking; the marriage had not turned out happily, and
+my father was resolved not to have me sacrificed in the same way.
+
+My mother told him, she was sorry he had such romantic notions, as to
+think a girl of my age capable of having any ideas of preference for one
+man more than another; that she took it for granted I had never presumed
+to entertain a thought of any man as yet, and supposed her precepts had
+not been so far thrown away upon me, as that I could let it enter into
+my head that any thing but parental authority was to guide me in my
+choice.
+
+My father, from the gentleness of his nature, had been so accustomed to
+acquiesce, that he made no other reply than to bid my mother use her
+discretion. He came directly to me notwithstanding, and told me what had
+passed. It was then, for the first time, that I discovered I loved Mr
+Vere. I burst into tears, and clinging round my father's neck, begged of
+him to save me from my mother's rigour. My gesture and words were too
+passionate for him not to perceive that there was something more at my
+heart than mere dislike of the old man. He charged me to deal
+sincerely. I loved him too well, and was myself too frank to do
+otherwise. In short, I confessed my inclination for Mr Vere, and his
+affection for me.
+
+Though my kind father chid me gently for admitting a lover without his
+or my mother's approbation, yet at the same time he told me, he would
+endeavour to dissuade her from prosecuting the other match; though he
+could wish, he said, I would try to bring myself to accept of it;
+adding, he was afraid my mother would be much incensed by a denial.
+
+My mother was fond of grandeur; and would not like to have me marry any
+one, who could not at once make me mistress of a fine house, and a fine
+equipage; which I knew I must not expect to be the case with Mr Vere.
+His father had several children, and was very frugal in his temper:
+besides, as he was but of the middle age, and of a very healthy
+constitution, his son's prospect of possessing the estate was, to all
+human appearance, at a very great distance.
+
+These discouragements, however, did not hinder me from indulging my
+wishes. My father's tenderness was the foundation on which I built my
+hopes. I told Mr Vere the designs of one parent, and the kind
+condescension of the other. Emboldened by this information, he ventured
+to disclose his love to my father, begging his interest with my mother
+in his favour. He had a great kindness for the youth, and was so fond of
+me, that he would readily have consented to my happiness, if the fear of
+disobliging my mother had not checked him. He represented to her in the
+mildest manner, the utter dislike I had expressed of the proposed match,
+and conjured her not to insist on it. My mother, unused to be
+controuled, was filled with resentment both against him and me; she
+said, he encouraged me in my disobedience; and that, if he did not unite
+his authority to hers, in order to compel me to marry the gentleman she
+approved of, it would make a total breach between them.
+
+My good father, who loved my mother exceedingly, was alarmed at this
+menace. Unwilling to come to extremities either with her or me, he was
+at a loss how to act. His paternal love at length prevailed, and he
+determined, at all events, to save me from the violence which he knew
+would be put upon my heart.
+
+My mother had never condescended to talk to me on the subject: she
+thought my immediate obedience ought to have followed the bare knowlege
+of her will. She forbad me her sight, and charged me never to appear
+before her, till I came with a determination to obey her.
+
+However severe this prohibition was, I yielded to it with the less
+reluctance, as my father's tender love made me amends for my mother's
+harshness. Perhaps, had she vouchsafed to reason a little with me,
+tempering her arguments with a motherly kindness, she would have found
+me as flexible as she could wish; but the course she took had a very
+contrary effect. I thought myself persecuted, and that it was for the
+honour of my love to persevere. On the other hand, my father's secret
+indulgence encouraged me in the sentiments I entertained, and I now
+determined, not only to refuse my old lover, but to have my young one.
+
+My mother had given me a stated time in which I was to come to a
+resolution, and if I did not, at the expiration of it, acquiesce, I was
+to be pronounced a reprobate, and to be no more considered as her child.
+In this emergency I had recourse to my father. I told him there was
+nothing which I was not ready to suffer, rather than marry the man I
+hated: my greatest affliction was the uneasiness I saw him endure on my
+account; for my mother reproached him daily with my obstinacy.
+
+My father said, he thought the alternative offered by my mother, was to
+be avoided but in one way, and that was, by marrying Mr Vere; For, added
+he, when she finds you resolute in your refusal of her choice, not even
+my paternal authority will be able to screen you from her severity, and
+your life will be made miserable, without your father's being able to
+relieve you. On the other hand, when you are out of her house, she
+cannot distress you, nor prevent me from doing you the justice which I
+owe my child. Nay, possibly in time, I may be able to work out a
+reconciliation between you; but she must not know that I was consenting
+to this marriage, lest an irreconcileable quarrel should ensue. I fell
+at my father's feet, and embraced his knees, for this tender and
+unexpected proof of his affection.
+
+Mr Vere's father was no stranger to his son's attachment, and we were
+very sure he would readily come into the proposal which my father
+intended to make.
+
+The two parents had a meeting secretly, where all the terms of portion
+and settlement were speedily and privately adjusted. Mr Vere the father,
+who had been long intimate in our family, knew very well the necessity
+there was for keeping the secret. After this, my lover and I were to be
+married privately, without the knowlege, seemingly, of any one in either
+family, excepting one of the Miss Veres, who was to be present; and
+when the time of my probation was expired, my father was to let my
+mother into the knowlege of this affair, as a thing he had just
+discovered; and to pacify her anger as well he could.
+
+Every thing was conducted in the manner proposed. I was married with the
+utmost privacy, and continued in my father's house till the day arrived,
+when I was to give my definitive answer.
+
+Unfortunately for me, my mother chose to receive it from my own mouth,
+and called me into her presence. I appeared before her trembling and
+terrified: I had not seen her for a fortnight, and I was in dread, lest
+the discovery I had to make, should banish me her sight perhaps for
+ever, unless my father might influence her in time to forgive me. She
+asked me, with a stern brow, What I had resolved on? I had not courage
+to make her an answer, but burst into tears. She repeated her question;
+and I could only reply, Madam, it is not in my _power_ to obey you. She
+did not comprehend the meaning of my words, but imputing them to
+obstinacy, commanded me to leave the room, and not to see her face till
+I came to a proper sense of my duty; at the same time ordering me into
+my chamber, where I was to be locked up.
+
+I flew to my father, and conjured him to let my mother know the truth at
+once, that I might be no longer subject to such harsh treatment; for I
+knew the being sent home to my husband would be the consequence of her
+being told that I had one.
+
+My poor father was almost afraid to undertake the task, though he had
+been the chief promoter of my marriage, and his authority ought to have
+given sanction to it. He ventured however to let her know, that I had
+confessed to him what my fears of her immediate resentment would not
+suffer me to discover whilst I was in her presence; and what my aversion
+to the man she proposed to me, and the rigours I had been threatened
+with, if I refused him, had driven me to. The rage my mother flew into,
+was little short of phrenzy, and my father made haste to send me out of
+the house.
+
+Mr Vere's whole family received me with great tenderness; but I was
+sorry at leaving my father, whose visits to me were made but seldom, and
+even those by stealth.
+
+My situation, though I was united to the man I loved, and caressed by
+all his family, was far from being happy. My mother's inflexible temper
+was not to be wrought upon, notwithstanding my father did his utmost to
+prevail on her to see and to forgive me; and she carried her resentment
+so far, that she told my father, unless he cut me off entirely in his
+will, she was determined to separate herself totally from him. This was
+an extremity he by no means expected she would have gone to.
+
+In a fit of sickness, which had seized him a few years before, he had
+left me ten thousand pounds; five of this he had secretly transferred to
+Mr Vere on the day of my marriage, and had promised him to bequeath me
+five more at his death.
+
+In consequence of this disposition, he purposed making a new will, so
+that he the less scrupled giving my mother up the old one, with a
+promise of making another agreeable to her request.
+
+My mother's jointure was already settled on her; my eldest sister had
+received her portion; so that there was little bequeathed by this
+testament, but my fortune, and a few other small legacies.
+
+My mother tore the will with indignation, and not satisfied with my
+father's promise, insisted on his putting it into execution immediately.
+In short, his easy temper yielded to her importunities, and he had a
+will drawn up by her instructions, in which I was cut off with one
+shilling, and my intended fortune bequeathed to my eldest sister. My
+mother was made residuary legatee to every thing that should remain,
+after paying all the bequests. This would have amounted to a
+considerable sum, if the half of my portion, which was already paid
+without her knowlege, had not made such a diminution in the personal
+estate, that after paying my sister the whole of what was specified in
+the will, there was scarce any thing likely to remain.
+
+Had my mother known this secret, she would not perhaps have been so
+ready to have made my father devise all my intended fortune to my
+sister. My father, who was aware of this, durst not however inform her
+at that juncture, how much she hurt herself, by forcing him to such
+measures. She insisted upon his leaving the whole of what he designed
+for me to my eldest sister; as well as to convince him, she said, that
+she had no self-interested views, as to be an example to other
+rebellious children.
+
+My father had no remedy on these occasions, but a patient acquiescence:
+the will was made, and my mother herself would keep it.
+
+My father took an opportunity the same day to inform me what he had
+done, but assured me, he would immediately make another will, agreeable
+to his first intentions, and leave it in the hands of a faithful friend.
+
+This was his design; but alas he lived not to execute it. He was seized
+that night with a paralytic disorder, which at once deprived him of the
+use of his limbs and his speech. They who were about him believed he
+retained his senses, but he was not capable of making himself understood
+even by signs. Alarmed with this dismal account of my beloved father's
+situation, I flew to the house without considering my mother's
+displeasure; but I was not permitted to see him. I filled the house with
+my cries, but to no purpose; I had not the satisfaction of receiving
+even a farewell look from him, which was all he was capable of bestowing
+on me.
+
+He languished for several days in this melancholy condition, and then,
+in spite of the aid of physic, expired.
+
+The loss of this dear father so entirely took up my thoughts, that I
+never reflected on the loss of the remaining part of my fortune; but it
+was not so with my father-in-law. There had been a settlement made on me
+in consequence of the fortune promised; though not equal to what it
+demanded, yet superior to the half which was paid. He relied on my
+father's word for the remainder, and had no doubt of its being secured
+to him, knowing his circumstances, as well as his strict integrity, and
+that my sister had actually received the same fortune which I was
+promised.
+
+Mr Vere had four daughters, and it was on this fortune he chiefly
+depended to provide for them.
+
+The news of my being cut off with a shilling exceedingly surprized and
+exasperated him. Unluckily I had not mentioned to him, nor even to my
+husband, the will which my father had been obliged to make. The
+assurances he gave me, of immediately making another in my favour,
+prevented me; as I thought it would only be a very severe proof of my
+mother's enmity to the family, which I could have wished to conceal from
+them; especially as I did not imagine it would have affected me
+afterwards. Mr Vere the elder was from home when my father died, and his
+business detained him for more than a month after his funeral was over.
+My husband, on this occasion, shewed the tender and disinterested love
+he bore me; he affected to make as light as possible of this unexpected
+disappointment, but at the same time expressed his uneasiness, lest his
+father should carry matters to an extremity with my mother, from whom we
+knew we were to expect nothing by mild methods.
+
+It was now thought adviseable, that I should write to my mother, to
+condole with her on my father's death; again to intreat her forgiveness
+of my fault, and, as some mitigation of it, to acknowlege that it was
+not only with my father's privity, but even with his consent and
+approbation, that I had married.
+
+I wrote this letter in a strain of the utmost humility, without
+mentioning a word of my fortune; _that_ I thought it would be time
+enough for me to do, if I could prevail on my mother to see me, and
+would at all events come better from my husband or his father, than from
+me. But I gained nothing by this, only some unkind reflections on my
+father's memory, and a message, that since he thought proper to marry
+his daughter in a manner so highly disagreeable to her mother, he should
+have taken care of providing for her; as he could not expect a parent,
+so disobliged as she had been, would take any notice of me.
+
+My mother had been left sole executrix to my father's forced will; and
+she took care to put my sister, and the other legatees, into possession
+of what was bequeathed to them in a very short time after his decease.
+She found there was an unexpected deficiency in his personal fortune,
+insomuch that there was barely enough to pay his debts; and that her
+being left the residue, after the specified legacies were paid, amounted
+to nothing. On the contrary, had my father's just intentions taken
+place, in leaving me five thousand pounds, she would have come in for
+the other five; but the whole ten thousand now went to my sister.
+
+She was not long however at a loss to know how this came to pass. Mr
+Vere determined to assert his own, and his son's right; and being
+exceedingly provoked at my mother's behaviour, wrote to her immediately
+on his return home; and having informed her of the settlement made on
+me, on account of the fortune already paid, and what was farther agreed
+on to be paid by my father, told her, he expected that this promise
+should be punctually fulfilled. He said, he knew she had it in her power
+to do this; and since it was by her contrivance I had been robbed of my
+just right, if honour, and the duty of a parent, would not induce her to
+make me proper amends, she must excuse him, if he made use of such means
+as the laws allowed him, in order to compel her.
+
+Such a letter, to a woman of my mother's temper, met with such a
+reception as might be expected. She tore it before his messenger's face;
+and desired him to tell his master, that as what he had already obtained
+was by fraud, so he was at liberty to make use of force to recover the
+remainder; but with her consent, he never should have a single
+shilling.
+
+This exasperating reply, made my father-in-law directly commence a suit
+against her, in which the other legatees were made parties. The distress
+I felt on this occasion is scarce to be imagined; the breach was now so
+widened between my mother and my husband's family, that there remained
+not the least hope of its ever being closed. Mr Vere unwillingly joined
+with his father in pursuit of these measures. He would for my sake much
+rather have yielded up his expectations, than supported them at the
+expence of my quiet; but his father's will, and justice to the rest of
+his family, compelled him to proceed, and deprived me of any pretence
+for interposing.
+
+The law-suit was carrying on with great acrimony on both sides, when an
+event happened, that made me then, and has indeed ever since, look with
+indifference on every thing in this life; it was the death of my
+husband. He was snatched from me by a violent fever, before he reached
+his twentieth year.
+
+I will not pretend to describe my sufferings to you on this sad
+occasion; they were aggravated by my being near the time of lying-in.
+
+Whatever affliction Mr Vere felt for the death of his only son, it did
+not make him forgetful of what he owed his daughters; and he was
+resolved to carry on the law-suit with the utmost vigour.
+
+You may suppose the house wherein I had lost a beloved husband appeared
+a dismal place to me, especially in my present situation. I thought too,
+my father's looks began to grow colder to me than they used to be; and I
+begged I might have his permission to remove for a while. He did not
+oppose it, and I went, at the pressing intreaties of your favourite, the
+good old dean, to his house; where he and his lady behaved to me with
+more than parental tenderness. My health was in so declining a way, that
+this worthy man (as I have since learned) made several applications to
+my mother to see me, but without success. At length the hour of my
+delivery arrived, and I was brought to-bed of a dead female child. The
+estate, in case of Mr Vere's dying without issue, devolved on his
+sisters; and I was in hopes that this circumstance, so favourable to the
+young ladies, would have induced their father to have been less rigorous
+in persisting in his claim. But in this I was deceived; he loved money,
+and was besides full of resentment against my mother. I thought however
+of an expedient, which I flattered myself might work upon him; and by
+good fortune it succeeded.
+
+Mr Vere, though I had left his house, visited me constantly, and kept up
+a shew of tenderness, which I am sure he had not in his heart. I told
+him one day, whilst I was still confined to my bed, that as I had now
+lost both my husband and my child, a very moderate income would be
+sufficient for me; and that as I valued my mother's peace of mind,
+beyond any selfish consideration, I was very willing to give up half my
+jointure, provided he would drop his suit. Mr Vere seemed surprized at
+the proposal: he said, he wondered I could be so blind to my own
+interest, and that all he was doing was purely for my sake. I thanked
+him for his pretended friendship, but assured him, he could serve me no
+way so effectually, as by coming into the measure I proposed. Mr Vere
+said, I talked like a child; but he would consider of it. The following
+day he called on me again, and told me, that to make me easy, he was
+willing to come into my proposal; that he would have the proper
+instruments drawn, by which I would relinquish half my jointure; and he
+in consequence to give up all claim on my father's estate.
+
+I was much better pleased, at this losing agreement, than if I had
+acquired a large accession of fortune.
+
+Mr Vere soon got the proper deeds ready, and they were executed in form.
+
+I now relapsed into an illness, from which I was supposed to have been
+quite recovered, and my life was thought in great danger. I have since
+been told, that Mr Vere repented his agreement at that juncture, and
+told some of his friends, that if he had not been so hasty, he should
+have had a chance for my jointure and my fortune too.
+
+I begged of the dean to go to my mother, and use his last efforts on
+her, to prevail with her to see me and forgive me before I died; at the
+same time, I sent her the release I had procured from Mr Vere, which I
+knew was the most acceptable present I could make her. The dean urged
+the danger I was in, without its seeming to make much impression on her.
+I am willing to believe, that she thought the dean exaggerated in his
+account of my illness. He owned to me himself, that he was shocked to
+find her so obdurate. At length, he took the paper out of his pocket,
+and presenting it to her, I am sorry, madam, said he, I cannot prevail
+with you to act like a parent or a christian; your daughter I fear will
+not survive her present malady; but she will have the comfort to
+consider, that she has left nothing unattempted to obtain that
+forgiveness, which you so cruelly deny her. I hope, lady Grimston, your
+last hours may be as peaceful, as hers I trust will be from this
+reflection. There, madam--she has by that instrument left you
+disengaged from a troublesome and vexatious law-suit, that would, if
+pursued, infallibly turn out to your disadvantage; it was all she
+_could_ do, and what few children, used like her, _would_ have done.
+
+My mother, a great deal alarmed at the dean's manner of speaking, now
+examined the contents of the paper. She seemed affected, and called him
+back, as he was just leaving the room. She told him, she was not lost to
+the feelings of nature; and that if he thought her presence would
+contribute to ease my mind of the remorse it must needs labour under,
+she was not against seeing me.
+
+The good man, glad to find her in this yielding disposition, told her
+she could not too soon execute her intention; and pressed her to come to
+his house directly. She suffered him to put her into his coach, and he
+carried her home with him. The interview, on my side, was attended with
+tears of joy, tenderness, and contrition. My mother did not depart from
+her usual austerity; she gave me but her hand to kiss, and pronounced
+her forgiveness and her blessing in so languid a manner, as greatly
+damped the fervor of my joy.
+
+She staid with me not more than a quarter of an hour, and having talked
+of indifferent things, without once so much as mentioning what I had
+done, she took a cold and formal leave.
+
+This interview, as little cordial as my mother's behaviour was to me,
+had so good an effect on me, that I began perceptibly to mend from that
+hour. She sent indeed constantly to enquire how I did; but avoided
+coming, lest, as she said, she should meet with Mr Vere, whom she could
+never forgive. As soon as I was in a condition to go abroad, I went to
+pay my duty to her. She received me with civility, but no tenderness;
+nor has she ever from that time made me the least recompence for what I
+have lost; her permitting me to see her, she thinks sufficient amends.
+
+I did not chuse to return to Mr Vere's house, as I had only a polite,
+not a kind invitation. One of his daughters, she who had been present at
+my marriage, and who always had shewn most affection towards me, was
+about this time married to a gentleman, whose estate lay in another
+country. When the bride went home, she pressed me to go with her so
+warmly, that I could not refuse her; and during the time I staid with
+her, I received so many marks of tenderness from her, that I resolved to
+settle in her neighbourhood; and have now a little house near her, where
+I have resided constantly ever since. I come once or twice a year to pay
+a visit to my mother, but my reception, as you may see, is always cold,
+and I seldom stay more than a few days.
+
+Old Mr Vere is dead; and his daughters, who were coheiresses to his
+estate, are all married, so that the family is intirely dispersed; but
+notwithstanding this, and the number of years that have passed over
+since my marriage, my mother cannot yet endure the name of the family:
+and always, as you may have observed, calls me by my maiden name.
+
+I was much affected at the story of the amiable Mrs Vere. The sweet
+melancholy, which predominates in her countenance, shews that the
+spirits, when broken in the bud of youth, are hardly to be recovered.
+What a tyrant this lady Grimston is! I did not admire her before, but I
+now absolutely dislike her. What a wife and a mother has she been to a
+husband and a daughter, who might have constituted the happiness of a
+woman of a different temper! And yet she passes for a wonderful good
+woman, and a pattern of all those virtues of a religion, which meekness
+and forgiveness characterise. She is mistaken, if she thinks that
+austerity is necessary to christianity. The most that my charity allows
+me to believe of such people is, that they impose on _themselves_, at a
+time when the most discerning perhaps think that they are endeavouring
+to impose on others.
+
+What an angel is my good mother, when compared to this her friend, whom
+her humility makes her look upon as her superior in virtue! I am very
+angry with Sir George, who in his resentment, said to me once, that she
+was like lady Grimston. I then knew but little of that lady's character,
+or I should have reproved him for it.
+
+I conjured Mrs Vere to make her visit longer than she had at first
+intended. She told me, she would most gladly do it; but that it was a
+liberty she did not dare to take, unless her mother asked her to prolong
+it; which, she said, she possibly might do, in complaisance to me.
+
+
+                             _September 4_
+
+My mother I find has made lady Grimston her confidant in relation to my
+affairs; the dear woman never keeps her mind to herself on any subject.
+Lady Grimston highly applauds her conduct in that business; and bestowed
+a few civil words on me for my filial duty, intermixed with an
+ungrateful comparison of her own daughter's behaviour. And she condoled
+with herself, by saying, that _good parents_ had not always _good
+children_. She told my mother, that she wished to see the child (meaning
+me) happily disposed of; for that, notwithstanding the prudence of my
+behaviour, the world would be apt to cast reflections on me, on account
+of the abruptness with which the match was broken off, without the true
+reasons being known: and my illness, she said, might be imputed to the
+disappointment; which might incline people to suspect the rejection had
+been on Mr Faulkland's side. What a provoking hint was this my dear! it
+has really alarmed my mother, who depends much on the judgment of her
+friend, and has at the same time so nice a regard to the honour of her
+family. I wish that formal old woman would mind her own business.
+
+
+                             _September 6_
+
+My mother and lady Grimston have had abundance of private confabulation
+these two days, from which Mrs Vere and I are excluded. I wish there may
+not be some mischief a brewing. One thing, however, has given me
+pleasure; lady Grimston has invited her daughter to stay at
+Grimston-hall as long as my mother and I continue here.
+
+Mrs Vere tells me, she suspects the subject of their conferences; but
+she is perverse, and will not tell me what she thinks, for fear, as she
+says, she should have guessed wrong, and her surmises would only teaze
+me.
+
+
+                             _September 10_
+
+A packet sent me from London--A letter from Sir George--one from my
+Cecilia--and so soon too! Welcome, welcome, thou faithful messenger,
+from the faithfullest of hearts!
+
+Thou dear anticipating little prophetess! What put it into thy head to
+call Mr Arnold a new conquest, upon my but barely mentioning him to you?
+I was just going to tell you all; and behold your own whimsical
+imagination has suggested the most material part to you already. You
+desire me to be sincere: was that necessary, my sister, from _you_ to
+_me_? You say, you are _sure Mr Arnold is, or will be my lover_, and
+insist on my being more particular in my description of him. What a
+strange girl you are! again I ask you, What put this into your head?
+What busy little spirit of intelligence flew to you with the news before
+I knew it myself? For as to the fact, it is but too certain.
+
+This has been the subject of my mother's and lady Grimston's private
+conferences; and Mrs Vere (sly thing as she is) guessed it. It seems Mr
+Arnold disclosed his passion to lady Grimston, in order to ask her
+advice about it. She loves mightily to be consulted; and ill-starred as
+I am, did me the honour to recommend me strongly to him; and she has
+prepossessed my mother too in favour of this new man. I wish the
+meddling old dame had been dumb. Now shall I go through another fiery
+tryal! Heaven help me, if lady Grimston were to be my judge! But my
+mother is all goodness.
+
+Well, but you want a description of this man. I will give it to you,
+though I have scarce patience to write about him. Indeed, Cecilia, I am
+vexed; I foresee a great deal of trouble from that quarter.--But come, I
+will try what I can say.
+
+The man is about thirty, genteel, and handsome enough; at least he is
+reckoned so, and I believe I should think him so, if I were not angry
+with him. He is very like your brother Henry; and you know he is an
+allowed handsome man. He seems to have plain good sense, and is good
+humoured I believe: I do not know of what colour his eyes are, for I
+never looked much at him. Lady Grimston says he is a _scholar_ (a thing
+she pretends to value highly), and a mighty sober, pious, worthy
+gentleman. He is of a very good family; and has an estate of about
+fifteen hundred pounds a year, upon which there is a jointure of three
+hundred pounds a year, paid to his brother's widow. Part of the estate
+is in Kent, and part in this county of Essex, where he has a
+mansion-house, a well-enough looking old-fashioned place, something in
+the Grimston-hall stile, at about a mile distance from this; where he
+passes most of his time.
+
+I have told you already, he plays divinely on several instruments; this
+is the only circumstance about him that pleases me.
+
+He has not yet made his addresses to me in form; yet we all know that he
+intends it, from his uncommon assiduity towards me; but he has a sort of
+reserve about him, and loves to do every thing in his own way.
+
+Bless me!--here he is--his chariot has just driven into the court; and
+Mrs Vere peeps in upon me, and with a most vexatious archness, bids me
+come down to the parlour; but I will not, unless my mother desires me. I
+will go into the garden, to be for a while out of the way.
+
+
+                             _September 11_
+
+Yesterday evening was productive of nothing but looks and compliments,
+and bows, and so forth; except two or three delightful pieces of musick,
+which he executed incomparably. But, this morning, my Cecilia, Oh! this
+morning! the man spoke out, told me in down-right plain English, that he
+loved me! How insipid is such a declaration, when it comes from one,
+who is indifferent to us! I do not know how it was, but instead of being
+abashed, I could have smiled in his face when he declared himself; but
+you may be sure I did not, that would not have been pretty.
+
+I was sitting in the little drawing-room, reading, when he came in. To
+be sure he was sent to me by the ancient ladies, otherwise he would not
+have intruded; for the man is not ill-bred. The book happened to be
+Horace; upon his entering the room, I laid it by; he asked me politely
+enough, what were my studies. When I named the author, he took the book
+up, and opening the leaves, started, and looked me full in the face; I
+coloured. My charming Miss Bidulph, said he, do you prefer this to the
+agreeable entertainment of finishing this beautiful rose here, that
+seems to blush at your neglect of it? He spoke this, pointing to a
+little piece of embroidery that lay in a frame before me. I was nettled
+at the question, it was too assuming. Sir, I hope I was as innocently,
+and as usefully employed; and I assure you I give a greater portion of
+my time to my needle, than to my book.
+
+You are so lovely, madam, that nothing you can do needs an apology. An
+apology, I'll assure you! did not this look, my dear, as if the man
+thought I ought to beg his pardon for understanding Latin? For this
+accidental, and I think (to a woman) trivial accomplishment, I am
+indebted, you know, to Sir George; who took so much pains with me, the
+two or three summers he was indisposed at Sidney Castle.
+
+He then proceeded to tell me how much he admired, how much he loved me!
+and that having been encouraged by lady Grimston's assuring him that I
+was disengaged (observe that), he presumed to tell me so. Oh! thought I,
+perhaps thou are thyself a Grimstonian, and do not think it necessary
+that the heart should be consulted. I answered him mighty civilly, and
+mighty little to the purpose. Sir, I thank you for your favourable
+sentiments--Lady Grimston does me a great deal of honour--I think myself
+happy in her good opinion--But he was not to be so put off, he pressed
+me to give him hopes, as he called it. Alas! I have no hopes to give
+him. He said, he would not presume to mention his love to my mother,
+though Lady Grimston pressed him to it (it was like her), till he had
+first declared himself to me. This was not indelicate; my heart thanked
+him for it, though I only returned him a bow. We were seasonably (to me
+at least) interrupted here, by the arrival of my friend the dean. He had
+come to see lady Grimston, just as Mr Arnold had entered into
+conversation with me; the old gentleman had a mind to walk in the
+garden; the little drawing-room, where we were, opened into it, by a
+glass door; so that lady Grimston and my mother were obliged to bring
+him that way. Though I was glad that the conversation was broke off, yet
+I could have wished that I had first had an opportunity of throwing a
+little cold water on Mr Arnold's _hopes_, lest he should have put too
+favourable an interpretation on the reception I gave him, and mention
+the thing to my mother, before I had time to speak to her.
+
+I was in some confusion at their entering the room. Mr Arnold had at
+that time laid hold of one of my hands, and I had but just time to
+withdraw it, when the door flew open to give entrance to the two ladies
+and the good man: the latter lifting up both his hands, as if conscious
+of having done something wrong, with a good-humoured freedom, asked
+pardon; but with a look that seemed to indicate, he thought the apology
+necessary both to Mr Arnold and me. This disconcerted me more; my mother
+smiled, and lady Grimston drew up her long neck, and winked at the dean.
+I took up my hat, that lay in a window, without well-knowing what I did,
+and said, I would wait on them into the garden. Mr Arnold followed my
+example; but looked at me, I do not know how--impertinently--as if he
+thought I did not dislike him. I took one turn with them, and then
+slipped away, under pretence of going in to dress. I ran directly into
+Mrs Vere's room, and told her what had passed between Mr Arnold and me.
+She laughed, and said, she could have told me long ago it would have
+come to that. I knew Mr Arnold admired you, said she, the first time I
+saw you in his company; he is no contemptible conquest I can tell you.
+He assured my mother, that you were the only woman he ever saw in his
+life that had made an impression on him; and I am inclined to believe
+him, for he is not a man of an amorous complexion; nor did I ever hear
+of his making his addresses to any one, though he might have his choice
+of the best fortunes, and the best families in the country; for the
+ladies, I must inform you, admire him exceedingly; and when you are
+known to be his choice, you will be the envy of all the young women in
+the country. I sighed, (I don't know why) and said, I desired not to
+create envy on that account. Mrs Vere said, why really Miss Bidulph, if
+your heart is at liberty, I know of no man more worthy of it than Mr
+Arnold; but perhaps (looking with a kind earnestness on me) that may not
+be your case. I told her, my heart was not engaged (as it really is not;
+for indeed, Cecilia, I do not think of Mr Faulkland); but that I did
+not find in myself any great inclination towards Mr Arnold. Oh! my dear,
+said she, if you find no disinclination, it is enough. I married for
+love, yet I was far from being happy. The vexation that I occasioned in
+my own and my husband's family, was a counter-ballance to the
+satisfaction of possessing the man I loved. Mr Arnold, besides being
+very amiable in his person, has good sense, and good temper; and if you
+marry him with nothing more than indifference, gratitude will soon
+produce love in such a breast as yours. Were there anything like
+aversion in your heart, then indeed it would be criminal in you to
+accept of him.
+
+Mrs Vere delivered her sentiments with such a calm sweetness, such a
+disinterested sincerity, that what she said made an impression on me. We
+are apt, contrary as it may seem to reason, to be more wrought upon by
+the opinion and advice of young people like ourselves, than by that of
+persons, whose experience certainly gives them a better right to form
+judgments: but we have a sort of a natural repugnance to the being
+dictated to, even by those who have an authority to do it; and as age
+gives a superiority, every thing that comes from it carries a sort of
+air of prescribing, which we are wonderfully inclined to reject.
+
+Had lady Grimston said this to me, it would have put me upon my guard,
+as suspecting a design on my liberty of choice. Even my good mother
+might have been listened to on this subject not without uneasiness;
+though my duty to her would not suffer me to give her a moment's pain,
+unless I was sure that my eternal as well as temporal happiness was at
+stake. I told Mrs Vere that I had no aversion to Mr Arnold; on the
+contrary that if I had a sister, I should wish her married to him. Now,
+my Cecilia, the mischief of it is, there _can_ be no reasonable
+objection made to him: he is a very tolerable man; but I knew a man once
+that I liked better--but fye fye upon him! I am sure I ought not to like
+him, and therefore I will not. I am positive, if I were let alone, I
+should be as happy as ever.
+
+I told you I got a letter from my brother; he says in it, he has had one
+from Mr Faulkland, who is now in your part of the world. He tells Sir
+George, that 'if my lady Bidulph will be so good as to see Miss B. and
+converse with her, he is not without hopes that she may so far exculpate
+him, as to induce my lady to repeal his sentence of banishment.' Sir
+George adds his own wishes for this, but says (to give you _his_ words)
+he fears the wench will not be honest enough to do Faulkland
+justice--Justice! what can my brother mean by this? How ungenerous
+these men are, even the best of them, in love matters! He knows the poor
+girl doats on her destroyer, and might perhaps take shame to _herself_,
+rather than throw as much blame on him as he deserves. I think this is
+all the justice that can be expected from her; and how poor an
+extenuation would this make of his guilt! It would only add to the merit
+of _her_ sufferings, without lessening his fault.
+
+To what purpose then would it be? I know my mother's sentiments already
+on that head. I would not shew Sir George's letter to her, he had said
+so many ridiculous things about lady Grimston in it, which I know would
+have offended her highly; otherwise, on account of Mr Faulkland's
+paragraph, I should have been glad she had seen it.
+
+
+                             _September 12_
+
+Ah! my sister! my friend! What shall I do? Oh! that officious lady
+Grimston--What ill star drove me to her house? Nothing would serve her
+but she must know what Mr Arnold said to me in the drawing-room
+conference; and how I had behaved. She made her enquiry before my mother
+and the dean, after I had left them in the garden. What could the man
+do? He had no reason to conceal what passed, and frankly owned he had
+made me an offer of his heart. Well, and how did Miss receive it, asked
+lady Grimston? With that modesty and polite sweetness that she does
+every thing, answered Mr Arnold. He could say no less, you know.
+
+He thence took occasion to apply particularly to my mother, apologizing
+at the same time for his not having done it before. What the
+self-sufficient creature added, I know not; for my mother, from whom I
+had this account, did not repeat all he said; but it seems it was enough
+to make her imagine I had not heard him reluctantly, and accordingly she
+gave him her permission to win me and wear me.
+
+I could cry for very vexation, to be made such a puppet of. This
+eclaircissement I dreaded before I had time to explain myself to my
+mother. That best of women, still anticipating what I had to say,
+congratulated me on my extraordinary prudence, in not letting a childish
+misplaced attachment keep such a hold on my heart, as to make me blind
+to the merits of a more deserving object.
+
+Dear madam, said I, sure Mr Arnold did not say that I had encouraged his
+addresses. Encouraged, my dear! why sure the hearing, from a young lady
+of your education, is encouragement enough to a man of sense.--I heard
+him with complaisance, madam, because I thought _that_ due to him; that
+it was my wish to remain single, at least for some time. My mother
+looked surprized. 'Sidney, this is not what I expected from you; I
+flattered myself you thought no longer of Mr Faulkland.'
+
+She contracted her brow a little. Madam, I do not; indeed I think no
+more of him; but may I not be permitted to continue as I am?
+
+Had you never had any engagement with Mr Faulkland, answered my mother,
+I should be far from urging you on this occasion; but, circumstanced as
+you now, are, I think your honour is concerned.
+
+Lady Grimston has put your affair in such a light to me, as I never
+considered it in before. How mortifying must the reflection be, my dear,
+to think that it may be said Mr Faulkland perhaps flew off, from some
+disadvantageous circumstance he discovered in regard to you. The world
+wants not envious malicious tongues enough to give it this turn. Your
+unlucky illness, and your brother's ill-timed assiduity in going so
+often to him when he was at Richmond, looks as if we had been
+endeavouring to recall him. Every body knows the marriage was almost
+concluded; and Lady Grimston, though she thinks our reasons for breaking
+it off were extremely cogent, yet as she knows the world well, thinks it
+has not virtue enough to believe those to be the true reasons, and that
+it will be much more apt to put an invidious construction on the affair,
+that may be very detrimental to you in your future prospects. These
+considerations alone ought to determine you; but there is one still of
+greater moment, which I hope, from the goodness of your heart, will have
+still greater weight with you. That unfortunate young lady, who _ought_
+to be the wife of Mr Faulkland, if you were once put beyond the reach
+even of his most distant hope, would stand the better chance for having
+justice done to her; at least it would leave him void of that pretence
+which he at first pleaded, and which probably he will continue to do,
+while you remain single. Think seriously of the matter, my love. I shall
+only add, that Mr Arnold is every way an unexceptionable match, and that
+your acceptance of him will be extremely agreeable to me; as, on the
+contrary, your refusal will give an uneasiness to your indulgent mother,
+which she never yet experienced from you.
+
+She left me with these cruel words, cruel in their kindness--Oh! she
+knows I am flexible by nature, and to _her_ will, yielding as air. What
+can I do? My heart is not in a disposition to love--Yet again and again
+I repeat it, Mr Faulkland has no interest there. What he once had he has
+lost; but I cannot compel it to like, and unlike, and like anew at
+pleasure. Fain would I bring myself chearfully to conform to my mother's
+will, for I have no will of my own. I never knew what it was to have
+one, and never shall, I believe; for I am sure I will not contend with a
+husband.
+
+I have told Mrs Vere what my mother said to me; she is intirely of her
+mind; every body is combined against me; I am treated like a baby, that
+knows not what is fit for it to chuse or to reject.
+
+
+                             _September 15_
+
+I have been searching my heart, my dear Cecilia, to try if there
+remained a lurking particle of my former flame unextinguished; a flame I
+call it, as we are allowed the metaphor, but it never rose to _that_; it
+was but a single ray, a gentle glow that just warmed my breast without
+scorching: what it might have arisen to I will not say; but I have the
+satisfaction to find, that the short-lived fire is quite extinct, and
+the mansion is even chilled with cold.
+
+This was a very necessary scrutiny, before I would even entertain a
+thought of Mr Arnold; and believe me, had I found it otherwise than I
+say, I would rather have hazarded my mother's displeasure by owning the
+truth to her, than injure any man, by giving him my hand with an
+estranged heart.
+
+I will acknowlege to you, my sister, that it was not without a struggle
+I reduced my mind to this frame. My heart (foolish thing) industrious to
+perplex itself, would fain have suggested some palliating circumstances
+in Mr Faulkland's favour; but I forbid it to interpose. Trifler, said I,
+let your guardian, your proper guide, judge and determine for you in
+this important cause, whereupon so much of your future peace depends. It
+sighed, but had the virtue to submit; and I arraigned Faulkland before a
+little tribunal in my breast, where I would suffer reason only to
+preside. The little felon, love, knocked at the door once or twice, but
+justice kept him out; and after a long (and I think a fair) trial, he
+was at length cast; and in order to strengthen my resolves, and justify
+my mother's, as well as my own conduct, these are the arguments which I
+have deduced from the evidences against him.
+
+If Mr Faulkland feared the frailty of his virtue, why did he not fly
+when he was first alarmed with the knowlege of the lady's passion for
+him? If not for his own sake, yet at least for her's. If he could not
+return her love, was he not cruel in suffering her to feed a hopeless
+flame? But since his evil fate urged him on, and the unhappy girl lost
+her honour, was he not bound to repair it? He had never seen me at that
+time, was under no personal engagements to me, and might easily have
+acquitted himself to my brother, from so justifiable a motive.
+
+What if I had married him, ignorant of this secret, and it had
+afterwards come to my ears, how miserable would it have made me, to
+think that I had stood between an unfortunate young creature and her
+happiness? For had Mr Faulkland never heard of me, had he not been
+prejudiced in my favour, this young woman's beauty and innocence (which
+he acknowleges) might have then engaged his honest vows; the wicked aunt
+would not have been tempted to betray her trust, nor he (shocking
+thought! whenever it recurs) to buy that favour he might have obtained
+on virtuous terms. His prior engagements to my brother was the final
+plea that undid them both! Had he not been furnished with this excuse,
+her hopes might have supported her virtue; or, if ignorant of this, she
+fell, what pretence could he offer, after the injury _was_ done, for not
+fulfilling an obligation of so much importance? I could not have
+suffered by not obtaining a man I never saw; Miss B. is undone by losing
+him: Yet his word to Sir George, the breach of which could have been
+attended with no ill consequence, was to be preferred to an act of
+justice. This is that false honour upon which the men pique themselves
+so much. An innocent child stigmatized; an amiable woman abandoned to
+shame and grief! I thank Heaven I made not myself accessary to this.
+_Had_ I married Mr Faulkland, _knowing_ his fault, I could not say so,
+nor have blamed any thing but my own imprudence, if _I_ in my turn found
+myself deserted. Who knows but he might (after having bound me in
+chains), return to his neglected mistress; and _that_ love, which, when
+it would have been meritorious in him, he disrelished, he might have
+pursued with eagerness when interdicted. This might have been the case.
+I believe you may remember an instance of it among our own acquaintance.
+Mr Saunders, who refused a young lady for his bride, from an absolute
+dislike of her person, took uncommon pains to debauch her when she
+became the wife of his friend. Had Mr Faulkland so behaved, what a
+wretch it would have made me! You know I have not a grain of jealousy in
+my composition, yet I am sure a neglect of this kind would make me very
+miserable.
+
+You have not forgot, I believe, that about two years ago there was a
+match proposed to my mother by the bishop of B. between me and his
+nephew. The young man was heir to a good fortune, was reckoned handsome
+and accomplished, and I think he really was so: I was intirely free from
+prepossessions in favour of any one, and had no objection to him, but
+that I knew he had a most lamentably-vulnerable heart, for he had been
+in love with two or three women of my acquaintance. My mother mentioned
+him to me upon the good old prelate's recommendation, and I gave her
+this as my reason for disliking the offer, which she approved of so
+intirely, that the thing went no farther. Indeed I think that woman is a
+fool, who risques her contentment with one of a light disposition.
+Marriage will not change men's natures; and it is not every one who has
+virtue or prudence enough to be reclaimed. Upon the whole, I am
+satisfied with my lot; and am sure I could hear with pleasure, that Mr
+Faulkland was married to that Miss B. I wish I knew the other letters
+that compose her name.
+
+
+                             _September 16_
+
+My mother asked me to-day, Had I considered of what she had been saying
+to me? I told her I had, and only begged a little more time. She kissed
+me, with tears in her eyes. To be sure, my dear, as much as you can
+reasonably desire. I know my Sidney is above trifling. Mrs Vere was
+present when my mother left the room. Oh! Miss Bidulph, said she, who
+would refuse to gratify such a parent as that? Had _my_ mother
+condescended to treat me so, I am sure she could have wrought on me to
+do any thing she liked, even though it had been repugnant to my
+inclination. Dear madam, I replied, how sweetly you inforce my
+duty--Yes, I will obey that kindest best of mothers. I believe I spoke
+this, tho' without intending it, in a tone that implied something like
+making a merit of this concession; for Mrs Vere immediately answered,
+There's a good child! that, to oblige its mamma, will accept of a very
+handsome young gentleman, with a good estate, and one that many a girl
+in England would give her eyes for. I felt the rebuke; but turning it
+off with a smile, said, but you forget, my dear, that I am not dying for
+him.
+
+
+                             _September 20_
+
+How will you plume yourself on your sagacity, Cecilia, when you read
+this account of my love, which you so wisely foretold? I can tell you I
+am trying to like Mr Arnold as fast as I can; I make him sing and play
+for this purpose from morning till night, for he is here every day and
+all day. Lady Grimston holds her head a quarter of a yard higher than
+she did before; and looks, as who should say, it was _I_ that brought
+this about. The dean is as frolick as May-day upon it; for he is very
+fond of Mr Arnold; but tells him he will not forgive him for robbing him
+of his second wife; for such, he says, he intended me. I think his
+daughter (a pretty girl of about seventeen) looks a little grave of
+late. I hope she does not like Mr Arnold herself. I wish my mother would
+take it into her head that she was in love with him, and that Mr Arnold
+had promised to marry her; then should I a second time crown me with a
+willow garland. But there is no fear of this, or rather no hope.
+
+Lady Grimston has given my mother _such_ a character of Mr Arnold, that
+if you will take her word for it, there is not a man like him in the
+world; and my mother firmly believes every syllable she says. She told
+me to day she would write to Sir George, to give him an account of the
+matter, and desire his advice. This is a compliment she would not omit
+paying, for any consideration, tho' I know my brother's judgment has now
+lost all credit with her; and that, let his opinion be what it will, she
+is firmly resolved on her new plan. Knowing as you do my mother's
+firmness, when once she is possessed with a thing, you will not wonder
+that I did not make attempts to alter her mind, which I knew would be
+fruitless. She likes Mr Arnold prodigiously; she piques herself on her
+skill in physiognomy, and says, if she is deceived in this gentleman,
+she will never again rely on that science. Lady Grimston is so fond of
+him, that I wonder she did not marry him herself.
+
+
+                             _September 23_
+
+We have received two letters from Sir George; one in answer to my
+mother's letter, the other to me. I will give them both to you: the
+following is a copy of that to my mother.
+
+    Madam,
+
+    I thank you for the honour you do me in asking my advice, in
+    regard to the proposal of marriage you have received for my
+    sister; but I am entirely disqualified from giving you any, as I
+    am an absolute stranger both to the person and character of the
+    gentleman you mention; and know no more of him, than that I have
+    heard there _is_ such a person, who has some estate in the county
+    where you now you are.
+
+    As you are absolute mistress of your daughter's will, as well as
+    of her person, I shall not presume to interfere in this nice
+    point. If the marriage is not _already_ agreed upon (which may be
+    the case, notwithstanding the compliment you do me the favour to
+    pay me), I think it would be generous in you to see Miss B. and
+    hear what she has to say, before you proceed farther; but in this,
+    as in every thing else, your own discretion must guide you.
+
+      I am,
+                               Madam,
+                            Your affectionate son,
+                                   and most obedient servant,
+                                                GEORGE BIDULPH.
+
+    _London,
+    Sept. 22._
+
+My mother was exceedingly displeased with this letter. She said Sir
+George had a haughtiness in him that was very offensive to her. I have
+acquitted myself in applying to him, and shall give myself no farther
+trouble about him or his opinion. As for Miss B. I think she can hardly
+be under a necessity of coming to town as yet, and that affair may keep
+cold, for I have but little curiosity to hear what the poor Soul may be
+prompted to say, as I am sure I shall be time enough to afford her any
+assistance she may stand in need of. This was the whole of her
+observation. My brother's letter to me is as follows:
+
+    Dear Sidney,
+
+    I received with concern (though I own not with surprize) an
+    account from my mother, of a new treaty of marriage that is on
+    foot between you and a Mr Arnold, of whom I know nothing. Instead
+    of congratulating you upon this occasion, I cannot help condoling
+    with you; for I have a better opinion of your heart than to
+    suppose it can have so soon renounced poor Faulkland. I do not
+    reproach you for your acquiescence in giving him up: I _know_ you
+    could not do otherwise; but why in the name of precipitancy are
+    you to be hurried into wedlock already? You went into the country
+    to recover your health, I thought; prithee, how comes this new
+    husband into your way? I know, child, it is not of your seeking,
+    and do from my heart pity you.
+
+    I would by no means have you guilty of a breach of duty to our
+    mother; but for Heaven's sake, why don't you try your influence
+    over her, to have this sudden scheme of matrimony suspended, till
+    she sees and talks to this girl that Faulkland refers her to? If
+    the wench owns that he was not to blame so much as she herself
+    was, and relinquishes all pretensions to him, don't you think she
+    (my mother I mean) would in that case remain bound in honour to
+    yield you to his prior claim?
+
+    Indeed, Sidney, I must blame you for this part of your conduct; it
+    looks like a strange insensibility in you.
+
+    I know you will urge your perfect submission to your mother's
+    will; and I know too, that _will_ is as absolute as that of an
+    Eastern monarch. I therefore repeat it, I do not mean to reproach
+    you with your compliance, but I am vexed to the heart, and must
+    give it vent.
+
+    I see plainly that old piece of formality, lady Grimston's
+    infernal shrivelled paw in all this. For my mother of herself, I
+    am sure, would not have thought of disposing of you, without your
+    liking, so soon after an affair that had created you so much
+    uneasiness, unless it had been suggested to her by somebody.
+    Prithee tell me what sort of man this Arnold really is, for I do
+    not depend on the partial representations I have had of him.
+
+    I wish Miss B. were come to town, but she is not yet arrived. I
+    enquired for her of Faulkland's housekeeper, by the name of
+    Jefferis. The woman is at the house at Putney waiting to receive
+    her, but does not know how soon she will come. Would she had been
+    buried before Faulkland saw her!
+
+    I shall expect a letter from you soon. How comes it that you never
+    mentioned Mr Arnold to me in any that you have writ? But I excuse
+    you, and am
+
+                                    Your affectionate brother,
+                                                          G.B.
+    _London, Sept. 22._
+
+You see this is Sir George himself, my dear, a mixture of petulancy and
+indelicacy. There is one thing in him, however, commendable; his steady
+adherence to his friend's interests. You find how impossible for me it
+is to shew such a letter to my mother: by his strange unguarded manner
+of writing, which he does not consider, he defeats his own purposes; for
+if any use could be made of that part of his letter relative to Miss B.
+I could not shew my mother part, without letting her see the whole: but
+that is not to be done; and I can only thank my good fortune that I
+received this, and the last letter from him, without her knowlege.
+
+I will now give you my answer to this letter, which I wrote, by the
+return of the post.
+
+    Dear Brother,
+
+    I thank you for your condolements, but can assure you my heart is
+    not in such a situation as to require any. I own I had all the
+    esteem for Mr Faulkland, which I thought his merit deserved. Duty
+    to my good mother, and an undeniable blemish in his character,
+    first wrought a change in my sentiments towards him: my own peace
+    of mind now requires me to improve that change into indifference.
+
+    You do me justice in supposing that I should never think of
+    seeking a husband; and you have formed as right a judgment in
+    regard to lady Grimston's being the promoter of this union. As for
+    Mr Arnold, though perhaps (had I never known your friend) he might
+    not have been the man of my choice, yet have I no dislike to him.
+    I believe him to be a very worthy gentleman; and that my mother
+    has not been partial in her representations. I am sure, at least,
+    she has said nothing of him but what she has seen, or been told,
+    and has good reason to believe.
+
+    I wish, dear brother, you had writ with more caution, that I might
+    have laid before my mother what you said in relation to Miss B. It
+    may have its weight with me, though I cannot answer for its having
+    any with her. Do you forget her having told me, that she conceived
+    a sort of horror at the thoughts of my marrying Mr Faulkland? She
+    cannot but be sensible, that Miss B. is not without her share of
+    blame in that affair, which has so perplexed us all. But you know
+    too that does not exculpate Mr Faulkland. The young lady's
+    relinquishing her hopes (for a claim I think she does not make),
+    would only the more excite my mother's compassion, and interest
+    her in her favour. To sum up the whole in one word, my mother is
+    resolved, and you yourself acknowlege that her will is absolute.
+    She has used the most irresistible argument to obtain my consent,
+    _viz._ that it would make _her_ happy. Spare then, my dear
+    brother, unkind reflections on any part of my behaviour; for I am
+    determined to pursue, through life, that rule of conduct, which I
+    have hitherto invariably adhered to; I mean that of preferring to
+    my own the happiness of those who are most dear to me.
+
+                                       I am, &c.
+
+
+                             _September 25_
+
+Mr Arnold has so many advocates here, that his interest cannot fail of
+being promoted. Mrs Vere admires him; the Dean commends him; my mother
+praises him; lady Grimston extols him to the skies. No one is silent,
+but the young girl that I mentioned to you before; she only colours and
+hangs down her head when he is spoken of. I really begin to fear that
+the poor thing loves him; but he never made any addresses to her, and I
+hope does not suspect it.
+
+Things are now gone so far, that my mother and lady Grimston talked to
+day of settlements. Mr Arnold receives but twelve hundred pounds a year
+from his estate; his brother's widow, as I have already told you, having
+a jointure upon it of three hundred pounds a year. She lives intirely in
+London, and is, I am told, a very imprudent woman, and not at all
+esteemed by the family. The elder Mr Arnold and she were married several
+years, but never had a child; the last two years of his life his wife
+and he lived separate, her conduct having given room for some
+suspicions, very injurious to her husband's honour.
+
+The Arnold estate was originally a very considerable one, but has been
+dissipated by the extravagance of the successive possessors. What
+remains, however, is quite clear, and is likely to be kept so by the
+good management of the present owner. His late brother was exceedingly
+remiss in his affairs, and spent most of his time in London; and if it
+had not been for Mr Arnold, the mansion-house would have fallen to the
+ground; but his brother lent it to him, and he kept it in repair for his
+own use, as he is fond of the place: though he has a pretty house in
+Kent, belonging to another estate of about three hundred pounds a year,
+which came to him by his mother, for he is the son of a second marriage.
+And this, till his brother's death, was the whole of his income; but he
+is so good an oeconomist, that he always made a genteeler figure on his
+three hundred pounds a year, than his brother did on twelve.
+
+My mother, who you know is integrity itself, thinks that I ought not to
+have more settled on me than the widow of Mr Arnold's brother had, whose
+fortune was superior to mine. Mr Arnold makes a much handsomer proposal;
+lady Grimston is for laying hold of it. The Dean was for striking a
+medium. I do not care how they settle it; but I fancy my mother will
+have her own way in this.
+
+She purposes going to town next week, that the wedding--(bless me!
+whose wedding is it that I am talking of so coolly?) well--that it may
+be celebrated in her own house. This to be sure will send Sir George
+directly out of it. I cannot help it; I am born to give, and to receive
+vexation.
+
+Mr Arnold speaks of taking a house in London, where my mother is to have
+an apartment whenever she chuses to be in town. This is a pleasing
+circumstance to me; and she likewise proposes our being sometimes with
+her at Sidney-castle. That is a prospect which loses much of its charms,
+by the reflection that my dear Cecilia is not there.
+
+
+                              _October 1_
+
+All preliminaries are settled. There has been a fuss with parchments
+this week past. My mother has carried her point, in regard to the
+jointure; and has made choice of that little estate in Kent to be
+settled on me, as it is a complete three hundred pounds a year, detached
+intirely from the rest, and has a pretty house on it. This was all she
+would accept of, though, to do Mr Arnold justice, he would have been
+much more liberal; but, my mother says, a single woman, bred in
+retirement as I have been, who cannot live on that, does not deserve to
+live at all; adding, that as the estate was already subject to one
+jointure, and the widow so young a woman; if it should be also my
+misfortune to become one early, a great part of the fortune would be
+swallowed by dowagers, and the heir not have enough to support his rank.
+
+
+                              _October 2_
+
+This morning my mother, lady Grimston, the Dean, and Mr Arnold (who is
+the idol of them all) took a rumbling together in the old coach, by way
+of taking the air, in a dusty road; and what do you think was the result
+of their deliberations in this jaunt? Why truly lady Grimston, proud of
+her handy-work, would needs see it accomplished; and nothing will serve
+her, but I must be married at her house. My mother opposed it at first,
+but the Dean seconded the proposal, that he might have (as he expressed
+himself) the satisfaction of contributing _himself_ to make Mr Arnold
+happy; and Mr Arnold (audaciously expecting, I suppose, that this would
+hasten the ceremony) joined his intreaties so effectually, that my
+mother was obliged to yield.
+
+What a tormenting old woman is this lady Grimston! I hoped, at least,
+for the respite of a month, by getting to London. I thought first to
+have delayed the time of our going to town, and then to have faddled
+away a good while longer under pretence of preparations; though there is
+but little room for that now, as all my fineries, destined I thought to
+another purpose, are lying quietly in my trunks at home. But then one
+might have contrived many little occasions of delay. There was a house
+to be fixed upon, and I had twenty things to do, and, as my mother says,
+many things fall out between the cup and the lip. But all my
+expectations are blown away, and I have but one poor fortnight given me
+to recollect my scattered thoughts, when they are all to be centered in
+Mr Arnold. I am not merry, my Cecilia, but I am determined not to appear
+sad; neither am I so; I hope I have no reason.
+
+My mother purposes writing again to Sir George, to desire his presence
+at my marriage. I hope he will behave respectfully to every one here, if
+he should come.
+
+
+                              _October 5_
+
+Mr Arnold has writ to town, to bespeak a new chariot; he will do nothing
+in regard to the house, till I am on the spot to please myself. I intend
+sending Patty to town, to bring me down my bridal trappings.
+
+Mr Arnold has given some necessary orders for the new decking of his
+person, as well as some of the apartments in the old mansion-house,
+which seem a little to want refurnishing; most of the goods having been
+inhabitants there since the time of his great grandfather.
+
+
+_October 9_
+
+My mother's last letter to Sir George has produced the following answer,
+which he sent by Patty, when she returned down here with my cloaths.
+
+    Madam,
+
+    I am sorry I cannot accept of the invitation you favour me with,
+    to be present at my sister's nuptials. Some affairs in Wiltshire
+    require my immediate attendance; and I had settled matters before
+    I received your summons, so as to set out as on this day. I wish
+    you all imaginable satisfaction in your new son-in-law; and my
+    sister abundance of happiness in her spouse.
+
+                    I am, Madam, &c.
+
+
+                          _London, October 8_
+
+I am glad Sir George does not come down; I am sure if he did, his
+behaviour would be such, as would render him no very acceptable guest at
+Grimston-hall.
+
+A week, but a short week, to come, before my fate is irrevocably fixed;
+or revocable only by the hand of death! This reflection, solemn as it
+is, does not alarm me; because, after again calling my heart to the
+strictest account, I think I _can_ pronounce it intirely free. Mr Arnold
+will soon have an indisputable right to it; and it is my firm purpose to
+use my utmost endeavours to give him intire possession of it. He every
+day gains upon my esteem. If his talents are not so glittering as I have
+seen some others possessed of, he is nevertheless master of an
+exceedingly good understanding, which a sort of diffidence in his manner
+does not suffer him to shew at once to the best advantage. His temper is
+extremely sweet, and he seems to have an openness of heart (when he
+throws off a little shyness which he has contracted) that is exceedingly
+engaging. His love for me appears as fervent as I believe it sincere;
+and I should be ungrateful not to do my utmost to return it.
+
+
+                              _October 14_
+
+How precipitate has been my fortune? Twice within these three months
+have I been almost at the eve of my intended nuptials. Those which
+_were_ to have been, I thought as certain as those which are _now_ to be
+solemnized within two days. Who knows what may still happen to frustrate
+our present designs?--No--there is not another Miss B. to interpose. Mr
+Arnold seems to be one of those who are born to pass quietly through
+life. He has already attained to the age of thirty, without one event
+ever happening to him, but such as happen to every man every day. May no
+future storm ever interrupt his or my tranquility! for they will soon be
+one and the same thing.
+
+
+                              _October 16_
+
+The die is thrown, my Cecilia, and thy Sidney is the wife of Mr Arnold!
+This day we were married; the good Dean joined our hands, and his
+daughter was one of my bride-maids. The poor girl was taken ill during
+the ceremony, and was obliged to leave the church, which has confirmed
+me in my suspicions--Oh! how I pity her! I believe indeed she only
+feigned illness for an excuse to retire. Mrs Vere went out with her,
+but she would not suffer her to attend her home. She promised to dine
+with us, if she should be better; and so she did, and seemed chearful
+and pretty well; but I thought she looked as if she had been crying. She
+made my heart ache--but I am in hopes it is but a slight wound; she is
+exceedingly lively, and, I dare say, will soon get the better of it.
+
+Lady Grimston was downright tiresome with her compliments; and preached
+an hour long about the duty of children to their parents; and how good a
+wife that woman was likely to make, who had always been exemplary in her
+filial obedience. Ah! lady Grimston, thought I, by what I have heard of
+you, you did not seem to number obedience amongst wife-like virtues in
+your own case, though you can preach it up to others. But I knew this
+sermon was chiefly intended for poor Mrs Vere's use. My mother was all
+kindness and complacency. She seemed so delighted, that I rejoiced in
+having had it in my power to give her so much happiness. Lady Grimston
+did the honours of her house on this occasion with great magnificence,
+and I believe I need not tell you, with most exquisite decorum. Indeed
+this wedding was conducted with such a decent festivity, so rationally
+on all sides, and such a comfortable privacy, that I was not half so
+much shocked as I expected to have been.
+
+We have no company here besides the family of the house, my dear good
+old Dean, his lady and daughter, one young lady more, and a relation of
+Mr Arnold's; a gentleman who came from London on purpose to be present
+on this (as it is called) joyful occasion.
+
+We shall leave this house to-morrow, Mr Arnold and I, I mean. I am to be
+put into possession of the old mansion of Arnold-abbey. My mother is to
+continue with lady Grimston a week or a fortnight longer, and then she
+goes to London on no other call, as she says, but to see and administer
+comfort to poor Miss B. who she supposes will be by that time come to
+her retreat.
+
+I believe I shall remain in the country while the weather continues
+pleasant, but am not yet determined.
+
+
+                              _October 17_
+
+We took leave of lady Grimston this morning, or rather of her house; for
+her ladyship, my dear mother, and all the good folks that were our
+guests at Grimston-hall, are to dine with us to-day at Arnold-abbey. I
+desired I might be permitted to go home without any parade, and in as
+private a manner as possible; for you know how I hate a bustle. Mr
+Arnold very obligingly indulged me in this request, and conducted my
+sweet Mrs Vere and me home in his coach, at eight of the clock this
+morning. I found every thing in exact order at Arnold-abbey. The house
+is very spacious and convenient, though very old-fashioned. Some of the
+rooms, however, are newly fitted up, perfectly neat and handsome. The
+servants are orderly and well-behaved, and every thing seems to be
+exactly well regulated. You may be sure I have taken my own Patty home
+with me; I intend to constitute her housekeeper, and give her an
+additional salary for her additional trouble. Mr Arnold had nobody in
+that capacity before, as his household had not been settled since the
+acquisition of his fortune, and he reserved the chusing of so material a
+domestic to me; but as I do not love to multiply servants, and know that
+Patty is very capable of the place, I shall take no other.
+
+
+                              _October 21_
+
+Visitors still in abundance: all the gentry in the neighbourhood for
+some miles about have been to pay us their compliments; at least, I hope
+by this time they have _all_ been here, for we have not had a minute to
+ourselves these three days. It will take me up ten to return them, as
+many of the families live at a good distance from hence.
+
+Mr Arnold, whose mourning has been laid aside since our wedding day,
+seems to have a very good taste in dress; he is perfectly well shaped,
+and appears to great advantage in colours; in short, he is more amiable
+than I thought he was. It is with great pleasure that I observe my young
+acquaintance, on whose heart I feared Mr Arnold had made an impression,
+has recovered her usual vivacity. With people extremely full of spirits,
+love is not apt to sink very deep, or last long, when it does not meet
+with a return.
+
+
+                              _October 30_
+
+My mother sets out for London to-morrow, and Mr Arnold has proposed to
+me, that he and I should accompany her. He says, he wants to look out
+for a house, and should like to fix in one before the weather advances;
+and that we may take up our abode at my mother's till our house is ready
+for us. My mother is charmed at this proposal: she dreads the thought of
+parting with me; and as she intends going (after a convenient stay in
+London) down to Sidney-castle, if I remain here, our separation must be
+immediate. I know this is Mr Arnold's kind reason for desiring me to go;
+he thinks I shall be less affected at parting with my mother, when in
+the midst of the various scenes which London affords, than I should be
+if I were to continue here. He does not give this for a reason, but I
+know it is his true one; for he is not fond of London himself,
+especially at a season of the year, when the country is so much more
+agreeable. I thanked him for this mark of his tenderness, and am
+determined to go.
+
+
+                              _October 31_
+
+Once more returned to London in very good spirits, after a stay of
+little more than two months in Essex, in which time so material and
+unexpected a change has been made in my condition.
+
+Lady Grimston took a most affectionate leave of my mother and asked her,
+with more tenderness than I thought her capable of, How many ages would
+it be before they should meet again? As for Mr Arnold and me, she
+considers us her neighbours. The Dean pleases himself with that
+expectation too; and the dear Mrs Vere, who shed tears at bidding me
+adieu, promises herself the happiness (as she kindly expressed herself)
+of spending many delightful days with me next summer. She set out on her
+return to her own house, at the same time that we left ours to go to
+town.
+
+My brother is still in Wiltshire; but I find he did not leave town at
+the time he mentioned in his letter to my mother, nor for some days
+after. This Patty learnt from the servants; but I hope it will not come
+to my mother's ears, for she would take it extremely ill of him.
+
+Mr Arnold, for the first time, mentioned, that he was very much
+disappointed in not having had the honour of seeing Sir George at his
+house in the country; but he hoped, when he came to town, his brother
+and he should make up for this, by being the more together. I wish Sir
+George may behave as he ought to this deserving brother. Mr Arnold
+little imagines how much he was an enemy to this match, and much less
+his reason for it. I should be very sorry Mr Arnold were to know how
+near I was being married to another man; it might give a delicate mind
+pain, lest there should remain any traces of this former attachment in
+the breast of the woman he loves; but I hope there is no danger of his
+hearing of it, certainly no one would be so indiscreet as to mention it
+to him. Mr Arnold has lived chiefly in the country, and may never have
+heard of Mr Faulkland, as he was so short a time returned from his
+travels, on which he had been absent more than five years; and as he is
+now out of the kingdom, probably he will not be spoken of. I have begged
+of my mother, who is naturally communicative, never to name Mr
+Faulkland to Mr Arnold, and have given my reasons for desiring this. She
+says, she thinks it would be better to tell him the whole affair at
+once; but I cannot agree with her in that opinion; and have at last
+prevailed on her to promise me she will not speak of it.
+
+
+                              _November 2_
+
+My mother drove out in my new chariot to-day (a very gay fine one it
+is), and went to Putney, to enquire after Miss B. by the name of Mrs
+Jefferis. She soon found the house, a very neat box, with a pretty
+garden behind it. The door was opened by a servant maid; and my mother
+being told the lady was at home, sent in her name; and was immediately
+conducted up stairs into a very elegant little dressing-room, where the
+lady was sitting at her toilet; and Mr Faulkland's housekeeper (whom my
+mother had seen before) assisting to dress her head. On my mother's
+entering the room, Miss B. rose off her chair, and soon discovered by
+her shape (for she was without her stays), that it was high time for her
+to seek a place of concealment. The housekeeper immediately withdrew;
+and the young lady seemed in the utmost confusion; my mother says, she
+herself was at a loss how to begin the conversation, but Miss B.
+relieved her, and spoke first. She thanked her for the honour she did
+her by so charitable a visit, which, she said, Mr Faulkland had long ago
+made her hope for; and which she must consider as the greatest
+consolation in her present unhappy circumstances.
+
+My mother placed herself by her. Madam, said she, Mr Faulkland made it a
+point with me before he left England, that I should see you, and afford
+you all the assistance in my power, or that you should stand in need of.
+You seem to be commodiously situated here, and I understand have a very
+careful good woman to attend you.
+
+I have so, madam, she answered; but the most material circumstance is
+wanting to my relief: Mr Faulkland!--He is not here. Tears started into
+her eyes as she spoke. You were apprised of his absence, said my mother,
+before you came to town. I was, madam, and with the cause of it; she
+hung down her head and was silent.
+
+My mother reassumed the conversation. She told her, she thought it a
+most providential discovery, that had given her the knowlege of Mr
+Faulkland's ill behaviour, time enough to prevent his marriage with her
+daughter; assuring her, she would not, for the universe, have had me the
+wife of a man under such ties, as she must consider Mr Faulkland to be.
+Miss B. brightned up a little upon my mother's saying this. Did Mr
+Faulkland ever tell you, madam, how the unhappy affair happened? My
+mother told her, she knew not particulars; that she had been referred to
+her for a full explanation; that Mr Faulkland had always endeavoured to
+excuse himself; and went so far as to say, He was sure the lady herself
+would acquit him in a great measure. Ah! madam! Miss B. cried, and shook
+her head. 'Tis as I suspected, said my mother, Mr Faulkland is an
+ungenerous man. A young lady of your modest appearance, I am sure he
+must have taken more pains to seduce, than he will acknowlege. Miss B
+blushed exceedingly--Oh! madam, you have a charitable, generous heart, I
+was _indeed_ seduced. I knew it, replied my mother. Did he promise to
+marry you? She coloured deeper than before. I will not accuse him of
+that, madam. My mother proceeded; You have a relation, madam; I
+understand she was accessary to your misfortune. Yes, the barbarous
+woman, answered the lady, she was the contriver of my destruction; and
+if I could have avoided it, I would never have seen her face again.
+Tears of grief and indignation again burst from her eyes. Have comfort,
+madam, said my mother, all may end well yet. I can have no hopes,
+answered Miss B. Mr Faulkland flies me, you see, nor can I ever expect
+to recover his heart, since so charming a young lady, as I hear Miss
+Bidulph is, has possession of it; and though your goodness disappointed
+him in his late views, he may not yet despair. I found by this,
+continued my mother, that Miss B knew nothing of your being married, and
+made haste to tell her. I never saw joy so visible in a countenance. She
+clasped her hands together; Dear madam! what do you tell me? How you
+revive my drooping heart! then I am not _quite_ hopeless, there is a
+_possibility_ in my favour.
+
+She then asked my mother if Mr Faulkland had acquainted her with her
+real name, or that of her relation. My mother, who had once or twice
+called her by the name of Jefferis, assured her he had not. That was
+generous in him, said she; he _can_ be generous in _some_ points. But I
+have no reason to conceal it from so prudent and worthy a lady as you
+are; my real name is Burchell; that of my cruel relation I will forbear
+to mention, out of respect to my good uncle, whose wife she is. Mr
+Faulkland, she added, left a Bill of five hundred pounds with his
+housekeeper, to provide every thing for me that I should want; with
+assurances that he would take the tenderest care of--the poor young
+creature hesitated, and could proceed no farther; but my mother said she
+understood her meaning. They had a good deal more discourse: my mother
+promised to see her often during her confinement, and took her leave.
+
+She tells me, she is extremely pretty, and has such an air of innocence
+and simplicity, as very much engages one in her favour.
+
+I have set down this whole conversation, with every other particular,
+exactly as my mother related it.
+
+She, who has a most circumstantial memory, repeated it word for word;
+and I, from a custom of throwing upon paper every thing that occurs to
+me, have habituated myself to retain the minutest things.
+
+I know not, my dear, whether you will be of my opinion; but I cannot
+help thinking, that there was something like art in Miss Burchell's
+behaviour, far from that candour which Mr Faulkland seemed to expect
+from her. My mother mentioned the _pains_ that she supposed had been
+taken to _seduce_ her; her deep blush at this hint, makes me suspect
+that her answer was not dictated by sincerity. She saw my mother was not
+acquainted with the particulars, and that she was willing to pass a
+favourable judgment on her fault; it looks to me as if she laid hold of
+this prejudice--and yet she _owned_ that Mr Faulkland had never promised
+to marry her--I know not what to think; but there appears to me, upon
+the whole, something evasive and disingenuous in her conduct. My mother,
+who is all openness and integrity, saw it not in this light. But be it
+as it may, it is no longer of any consequence to me, which was most to
+blame, the gentleman or the lady: Miss Burchell is certainly the injured
+Person; perhaps I too may have wronged her in my surmises; if I have, I
+beg her pardon; the observations I have made on her behaviour are only
+_en passant_, and I do from my heart wish Mr Faulkland would make her
+his wife. You may perceive, from what I have told you, how little this
+interview was likely to produce in Mr Faulkland's favour, had it even
+been brought about sooner. My mother is now more than ever confirmed in
+her opinion, that the poor young creature has been deceived; and she
+prays, that Mr Faulkland may not be overtaken with a judgment, which she
+thinks nothing but his marrying the girl can avert.
+
+
+                             _November 10_
+
+We have at length fixed upon a house to our liking, a handsome
+convenient one in St James's-street. We are preparing to get it
+furnished as fast as we can, that we may go into it; for if my brother
+should come to town, I know _our_ being with my mother will be an
+objection to his lodging in her house: this I should be sorry for, as
+she told him he might make use of it while it remained in her hands.
+
+
+                             _November 15_
+
+Thank my stars! I have got over the fatigue of receiving and paying a
+second round of bridal visits, and I am really so tired of it, that,
+uninviting as the season is, I could wish myself in quiet at
+Arnold-abbey; but I cannot think of leaving London while my mother
+continues in it, and she is now resolved to do so till Miss Burchell, or
+rather, on this occasion, Mrs Jefferis, is brought to-bed. You can't
+imagine how sollicitous she is about her; every time she sees her she
+seems more and more pleased with her. I am very glad it has happened so,
+for the poor young woman's sake; my mother is as warm in her attachments
+as in her resentments. She visits her almost every second day; for the
+poor thing it seems is ill at present, and can't leave her chamber. She
+tells me she is extremely melancholy, and seems much to dread the
+approaching hour. I greatly honour my mother for her humanity towards
+her: in her terrifying situation she must want the tenderness of a
+well-bred as well as a sensible friend; for it must be a melancholy
+thing, in such circumstances, to have no one about her but servants, and
+those strangers too.
+
+She told my mother, that her altered looks, and frequent sicknesses,
+gave her aunt (who was privy to the cause of it) a pretence for asking
+her uncle's permission for Miss to go to Bath, which she told him would
+do her more good than any thing. He consented, and supposed she was
+actually gone thither under the care of a lady, whom her aunt named, who
+was really going there in order to settle for life, and to whose house
+she went for a day or two to give a colour to this story. Her aunt
+contrived that she should not take any servant with her; giving it for a
+reason, that as she might be as well attended by the lady's servants
+with whom she lodged, and be considered by her as one of the family, a
+maid would only be an unnecessary incumbrance. She added, that her uncle
+was so afflicted with the gout, that he never stirred abroad, and saw
+very little company, so that it was not likely he should ever be
+undeceived.
+
+
+                             _November 20_
+
+We have just received a very odd piece of news, that I own has a little
+alarmed me. It is, that the widow of Mr Arnold's brother is found to
+be with child. There was no mention of this at the time her husband
+died, nor indeed any cause to suspect it; but the strongest
+presumptions in the world to the contrary, as her husband and she
+lived a-part. It has not been even whispered, till since our arrival in
+town. The lady pretends that she was not conscious of it herself till
+within this fortnight; yet her husband has been dead four months.
+This I am told is very possible, though not very common. She has
+herself wrote a letter to Mr Arnold, to inform him of it; at the same
+time declaring, that she and her late husband had been reconciled a
+little before his death; and that, had he recovered, she was to have
+lived with him again. All this is very strange. The elder Mr Arnold
+killed himself with excessive drinking. His death approached him by
+slow degrees; but as he could never be persuaded to think it near, he
+took not the least care either of his spiritual or temporal concerns.
+His brother was in the country when he was seized with his last
+illness, which he had precipitated by some extravagant excess. He
+was almost at the last extremity before he could be prevailed on to let
+a physician attend him, or suffer his brother to be sent for. In regard
+to the latter, he told those about him, that as he was his heir, of
+course he had made no will. He mentioned not his wife. The jointure
+which had been settled on her, he allowed her for a separate
+maintenance. They had for a long time pursued separate pleasures,
+and none of his friends knew that they had ever met, or so much as
+seen one another from the time they parted. My Mr Arnold arrived
+in town just time enough to close his brother's eyes; he was
+speechless when he came, and expired in less than an hour after he
+entered his chamber.
+
+As his wife had been very obnoxious to the family, there was little
+notice taken of her by them, more than what common forms require. She
+seemed as indifferent about the death of her husband, as she had been
+towards him in his life-time; and did not then hint a word of this
+reconciliation between them, or of her having had an interview with him.
+I am told, she is a very weak, as well as a very loose woman; and Mr
+Arnold thinks she has got into the hands of some designing person.
+However that matter may be, it is a serious affair; and he designs to
+take the opinion of an eminent lawyer upon it. My poor dear mother is
+frightned sadly. If this child should make its appearance in the world
+time enough to prove the possibility of its being the offspring of the
+late Mr Arnold, she says, it must be considered by the law as his heir,
+notwithstanding the husband and wife lived apart. Mr Arnold laughs, or
+affects to laugh at this; we shall, however, wait with patience till
+the lady is brought to bed.
+
+
+                             _November 25_
+
+Our house is intirely fitted up, and we shall remove into it this
+evening; my mother chuses to continue in her own, though Mr Arnold
+presses her to accept of an apartment in ours; but we shall be near
+neighbours, and she does not like to change.
+
+We have received the opinion of our lawyers, who tell us, that in case
+the child should be born within such a period of time, as to give colour
+to its claim, yet the lady must prove her assertion, in regard to the
+pretended meeting between her and her husband; which it is imagined is
+not in her power to do; and her indifferent character, together with
+several favourable circumstances which Mr Arnold has on his side, makes
+them quite sanguin in their expectations of overturning her claim. We
+are, however, likely to be engaged in a disagreeable law-suit; but as Mr
+Arnold seems perfectly easy about the issue of it, I will make myself so
+too.
+
+
+                             _December 10_
+
+I am more and more reconciled to my lot, my dear Cecilia, every day that
+I live. Mr Arnold's assiduity and tenderness towards me deserve the
+gratefullest return my heart can make him; and I am convinced it is not
+necessary to be passionately in love with the man we marry, to make us
+happy. Constancy, good sense, and a sweet temper, must form a basis for
+a durable felicity. The two latter I am sure Mr Arnold possesses; Oh!
+may I never experience his want of the former! I hope my own conduct
+will for ever ensure to me his love. That only can secure the
+tranquility of my future days.
+
+
+                             _December 11_
+
+My brother arrived in town last night; and came this morning in company
+with my mother (and I am sure at her request) to make us a formal visit.
+My kind Mr Arnold received him with tenderness; Sir George was coldly
+polite. He owned, however, to my mother, upon her asking him his opinion
+of his brother-in-law, that he seemed to be a _good clever sort of a
+fellow_. I wish I could cultivate a friendship between them; it will not
+be Mr Arnold's fault if there is not; but Sir George, you know, is not
+of a very pliant disposition.
+
+He asked my mother, when they were alone, Whether she had yet seen Miss
+B or Mrs Jefferis (for he knew her by no other name) and what she had
+to say for herself? My mother told him, he had better not touch upon
+that string. I will be hanged, replied Sir George, if the artful young
+baggage has not imposed upon you. My mother, who is always angry at
+having her sagacity called in question, told Sir George he was rude, and
+she should give him no satisfaction on that head. My brother answered,
+as it was _now_ of no consequence, what the wench affirmed or denied, he
+had no farther curiosity about her. My mother called him a bear, and so
+the enquiry ended.
+
+
+                             _December 20_
+
+I congratulate you, my sister, my friend, my ever beloved Cecilia.
+Happy! happy may you be in your nuptials! but in the midst of my joy for
+your being so nobly and worthily bestowed, self-love forces a sigh from
+me. I have lost the pleasing hope of seeing you, at the time fixed for
+your return. The station your husband holds at the court of Vienna,
+will, I fear, long detain my beloved in a foreign land. But you are not
+amongst strangers; a husband, a brother, and tender parent, must make
+every part of the globe equally your home. I will therefore seek for my
+contentment in your's, and rest satisfied with believing that you will
+always continue to love me.
+
+
+                          _January 10, 1703-4_
+
+I begin to find my thoughts so dissipated, that I am angry with myself;
+Mr Arnold's excessive indulgence will spoil me; he is always contriving
+new scenes of pleasure, and hurries me from one to the other. I do not
+wish to be perpetually fluttering about. The calm domestic life you know
+was always my choice; but I will not oppose my kind Mr Arnold in his
+fond desire of pleasing me: besides, I find that by his constantly
+gallanting me to public places, he begins himself to acquire a sort of
+relish for them, which he did not use to have; at least his prudence
+made him so to conform to the necessity of his circumstances, while his
+fortune was small, that he never indulged himself in any of the
+fashionable expensive amusements; nor does he now in any, but such as I
+partake of with him. I find he is by nature open and liberal to excess.
+I must take care, without his being conscious of it, to be a gentle
+check upon his bounteous spirit; I mean only so far as it regards
+myself: indeed this is the most material point, for in every other
+instance his generosity is regulated by prudence. I am every hour more
+obliged to him, and should hate myself if I did not find that he had an
+intire possession of my love.
+
+Sir George hardly ever comes near us but by formal invitation, and then
+his behaviour to Mr Arnold is so very civil, and so very distant, that
+it mortifies me exceedingly. Mr Arnold cannot but perceive it; but
+either his tenderness for me makes him take no notice of it, or else,
+not being well enough acquainted with my brother to know his
+disposition, he may impute his coldness to his natural temper.
+
+My mother says, he never names Mr Faulkland or Miss Burchell to her. I
+wish Sir George could entirely forget that unhappy affair.
+
+
+                              _February 1_
+
+There is a story propagated by the widow Arnold, about the meeting
+between her and her husband; the circumstances of which are as follows:
+
+She says, she had dined one day in the city, and was returning home to
+her lodgings in York-buildings in a hackney coach; that the driver, by
+his carelessness in coming along the Strand, had one of his fore wheels
+taken off by a Waggon, which accident obliged her to alight: the
+footboy, who was behind the coach, had by the jolt been thrown off, and
+received a hurt, which made it necessary to have him carried into a shop
+for assistance. That the lady herself, being no otherwise injured than
+by a little fright, found that she was so near home, that she did not
+think it worth while to wait for another carriage, but pursued her way
+on foot. It was a fine dry evening, about nine o'clock; and though there
+was no light but what the lamps afforded, yet as the streets were full
+of people, she had no apprehensions of danger.
+
+In this situation she was accosted by two gentlemen, who, seeing a lady
+well dressed and alone, insisted on seeing her safe to her lodgings.
+However disagreeable such an encounter was, she said she did not give
+herself much concern about it, as she was so near home, and expected to
+shake off her new acquaintance at the door of the house where she
+lodged; and accordingly, when she got there, she told them she was at
+home, and wished them a good night; but the impertinents were not so
+easily to be put off. The door having been opened by the maid of the
+house, they both rushed in; her landlady, a single woman, happened to be
+abroad and there was no man in the house.
+
+Mrs Arnold thought she had no way left, but to run up to her
+dining-room, and lock herself in; but in this she was prevented, as the
+gentlemen, whom the servant of the house vainly endeavoured to oppose,
+got up stairs almost as soon as she did. Her own maid, on hearing the
+rap at the door, had lighted candles in the dining-room; the two sparks
+entered with her; but how was she surprized to find that one of them was
+her husband. Her fright, she said, had prevented her from discovering
+this sooner, as she had not looked in either of their faces, though
+there was a light in the hall; and Mr Arnold's being half drunk, she
+supposed, was the reason of his not perceiving sooner who she was.
+
+The astonishment that they both were in, and the exclamation that each
+made in their turn, soon informed the companion of Mr Arnold who the
+lady was. He congratulated them both on this fortunate mistake, and
+saying, since chance had been so propitious to Mr Arnold as to throw him
+into the arms of so charming a woman, he hoped his discovering her to be
+his wife would not render her the less agreeable to him; but that this
+unexpected meeting might be a means of re-uniting them in their former
+amity.
+
+Mr Arnold, she says, in the presence of this gentleman, advanced with
+open arms to embrace her, which she not declining, his friend having
+again felicitated them on their reconciliation, took his leave, and Mr
+Arnold remained with his lady.
+
+That at parting, which was not till late, (as she would not, on account
+of her reputation, permit him to pass the night at her lodgings) he
+promised to bring her home to his house in a day or two; but
+unfortunately for her he was taken ill in the interim, which she did not
+know of, till she had an account that Mr Arnold had lost his senses. The
+reason she assigned for not enquiring after him sooner was, that her
+pride would not suffer her to make any advances to a man, who had been
+so injurious as to part with her; and she thought it his duty to recall
+her, without her taking any step towards it.
+
+This story seems plausible; yet none of our friends believe a word of
+it, and imagine somebody has contrived it for her. The gentleman, who
+was the companion of Mr Arnold that night, she says, can at a proper
+time be produced as a witness, as also her own maid, who can testify the
+truth of this story. In the mean time this maid is kept out of the way,
+and nobody can guess at the gentleman, for his name is kept a profound
+secret.
+
+I am delighted at the sweetness of Mr Arnold's temper: vexatious as this
+affair is likely to be, even at the best, he does not suffer it to
+interrupt our pleasures or his own good humour. On the contrary, he is
+the more studious of promoting every thing, which he thinks will
+entertain me.
+
+
+                             _February 28_
+
+At length the poor Miss Burchell is happily rid of her burden; a pretty
+little boy, my mother says it is: it was, immediately after its birth,
+at which my mother was present, privately baptized by the name of
+Orlando, and sent away with its nurse, a careful body, who had been
+before provided for it. It passes for the son of a captain Jefferis,
+abroad with the army. Miss Burchell would never suffer the nurse to see
+her; for as she intends to reassume her own name, as soon as she shall
+be in a condition to leave her present retirement, she would not chuse
+to be known by the woman, in case of her going to see her child. Every
+thing was managed with so much privacy, and Miss Burchell has lived so
+perfectly recluse, nobody visiting her but my mother, that in all
+probability this affair will always remain an intire secret.
+
+My mother says, that as soon as Miss Burchell (to whom she considers
+herself as a kind of patroness) is tolerably recovered, she will go down
+to Sidney-castle; for she thinks herself in a strange land any where but
+there. And would you believe it my dear, she has taken such a fancy to
+Miss Burchell, that she talks of inviting her down with her, if she can
+obtain her uncle's leave. The girl must certainly have some very amiable
+qualities, so to captivate my mother, or she has an immensity of art. I
+dare say the young lady will gladly accept of her invitation; it will
+undoubtedly be a most eligible situation for her. I do not know what Sir
+George may say to her carrying her humanity so far, as he hates the name
+of this poor girl; but no matter, it may be a means of preserving her
+character, which probably she might not long keep, if she returned to
+live with so vile a woman as I conclude her aunt to be; nor can she have
+any colour for quitting her, whilst her uncle lives; for I find she is
+an orphan, and has no relation but him. She must however go home for a
+while, in order to get leave from him for this visit to Sidney-castle.
+
+
+                            _March 26, 1704_
+
+I am told the widow Arnold computes the time of her lying-in about the
+latter end of the next month; if it should so happen, she saves her
+distance, as her husband died in July, a little before we went to
+Grimston-hall. Mr Arnold treats the affair very lightly, and is only
+concerned at seeing my mother so much affected by it. For my part, I
+form my behaviour upon Mr Arnold's conduct, and as long as he appears
+easy, I shall certainly be so too.
+
+My brother throws out some unkind reflections: he says, he wonders the
+old Sybil at Grimston-hall did not foresee this; and congratulates me on
+my good fortune, in having my jointure settled on that part of the
+estate which is not disputed. I really think he shews a sort of
+ill-natured triumph even in his condolements; for he generally concludes
+them with thanking his stars that _he_ had no hand in the match. I trust
+in God we shall none of us have any cause to repent it. I am sure I
+never shall; for if Mr Arnold were reduced to the lowest ebb of fortune,
+I should find my consolation in his kindness and affection.
+
+
+                               _March 27_
+
+My mother is preparing to leave town. Miss Burchell is quite recovered,
+and purposes going down to the country, to obtain her uncle's consent
+for the intended visit. She says, she can easily tell him she made an
+acquaintance with lady Bidulph in her late excursion to Bath, from whom
+she received an invitation, and she is sure he will not refuse to let
+her accept it.
+
+Sir George laughs exceedingly at this plan. He says his mother ought not
+to be surprized at Faulkland's falling into the girl's snares, since she
+herself has done the same; but he supposes my mother thinks she is doing
+a very meritorious action, in affording an asylum to this injured
+innocence. I give you my brother's words, for I assure you, as to
+myself, I approve of my mother's kindness to her, and think it may be a
+means of preserving the girl from future mischief.
+
+
+                               _April 2_
+
+Miss Burchell is gone to the country, and this morning, for the first
+time, severed me from the best of mothers. I cannot recover my spirits;
+I have wept all day. Mr Arnold, ever good and obliging, would needs
+accompany her some miles on her journey; you may be sure I was not left
+behind. Sir George was so polite as to say, He would escort her down to
+Sidney-castle. I was surprized at it; for he does not often do obliging
+things. My mother gladly accepted of his company, and said, she would
+make him her prisoner, when she had him there; for she should be quite
+melancholy without me for a time. Now though I should be very unwilling
+not to allow the merit of a good-natured action to Sir George, yet do I
+attribute this in some measure to its answering a purpose of convenience
+to himself. You know, before his illness sent him to the Spa, he always
+spent his summers with us at the Castle, though he has another very
+convenient house on his estate. When he was in London, he never had any
+thing but lodgings, for which I have often been angry with him. My
+mother, since his return, made him a compliment of her house; but as the
+time she took it for is now expired, and it is let to another family, he
+could no longer continue in it. Mr Arnold, in the most affectionate
+manner, pressed him to accept of an apartment with us, which he
+declined. Now as he could not, without shewing us an apparent slight,
+continue in town in other lodgings, I believe he, for this reason,
+preferred going down with my mother. Be it as it may, I am very glad
+that she will have his company; for I make no doubt of his staying with
+her some time, unless Miss Burchell should frighten him away.
+
+
+                               _April 5_
+
+I have been so cast down since my mother's departure, that Mr Arnold's
+obliging tender assiduity to please and entertain me seems redoubled;
+but indeed I am wearied with a continual round of noisy pleasures, and
+long to get back to Arnold-abbey. I hope to be there in about three
+weeks, or a month at farthest. My mother has dispensed with our going
+down to her this summer. She thinks it might be attended with
+inconveniences to me, and talks of coming to town again in a few months;
+but I shall insist on her not giving herself the fatigue of so long a
+journey, unless she comes to stay all the next winter with us.
+
+
+                               _April 20_
+
+My mother writes me word that Miss Burchell has obtained leave of her
+uncle, and is come to Sidney-castle: she says, she never saw a better
+behaved young creature. Sir George has taken so much offence at her
+coming, that he talks of going to his own house. My mother adds, 'He
+behaves however, with manners, but I shall not press him to stay.'
+
+
+                                _May 6_
+
+An important birth, my Cecilia! the widow Arnold has produced a young
+miss. I assure you the little damsel has been ushered into life with all
+the ceremony due to a young heiress; and her mother introduces her as
+one, whom an unjust uncle debars of her right. Now you must know, that
+upon an exact calculation, this little girl has made her appearance just
+twelve days later than she ought to have done, to prove her legitimacy,
+dating the possibility of her being Mr Arnold's, from the very day
+whereon he took that illness of which he died, and which confined him
+for five days to his bed. In all that time, his servants never left him
+for a minute; this has occasioned various speculations; our lawyers say
+that it is enough to destroy her pretensions; but some physicians, who
+have been consulted on the occasion, are of a contrary opinion; and
+declare they have known instances of children being born, even so long
+after the stated time alloted by nature for their coming into life.
+
+It is a very unlucky affair, and has involved us in a law-suit. Who the
+person is that secretly abets the widow, we cannot find out; but it is
+certain she has somebody; every one believes this is an infamous and
+unjust claim; and the woman's folly almost frees her from the suspicion
+of its being of her own contriving.
+
+
+                                _May 10_
+
+You cannot imagine, my Cecilia, how happy I think myself, after such a
+hurrying winter as I have had, to find myself once more restored to my
+favourite pleasures, the calm delights of solitude. Arnold-abbey seems a
+paradise to me now.
+
+Lady Grimston shewed me a specimen of her humour this morning, in
+talking of the widow Arnold. She said she was an _harlot_, that having
+already disgraced the family, now wanted to beggar them; but that if Mr
+Arnold did not make an example of her, she would never own him for a
+kinsman.
+
+My chearful old Dean says, he is now completely happy, having lived to
+see his daughter married (while we were in town) very much to his and
+her satisfaction. I am heartily glad of it, neither am I sorry (for her
+sake) that she has left the country.
+
+
+                                _May 11_
+
+Mrs Vere is come to spend a few weeks with me according to her promise.
+She is a truly amiable creature; her disposition so gentle, her temper
+so mild, such a sweet humility in her whole deportment, that it
+astonishes me her mother can still persist in her unkindness to her. But
+the eldest daughter was always her darling, who I understand is pretty
+much of her mother's own cast; and makes a very termagant wife to a very
+turbulent husband. So that notwithstanding their title (for he is a
+Baronet) and immense riches, they are a very miserable pair.
+
+They were lately to pay lady Grimston a visit; but there happened such a
+frecas, that probably it may be the last she will ever receive from
+them. The husband, it seems, though very rough and surly in his nature,
+is, notwithstanding, a well-meaning man, and not void of humanity; which
+had induced him to give a small portion to a young girl, a distant
+relation of his own, who had been left an orphan. She was beloved by the
+son of a substantial farmer, a tenant of the baronet's, and had an equal
+affection for him; but the young man, depending entirely on his father
+for his future prospects, durst not take a wife without something to
+begin the world with; for his father had just put him into the
+management of one of his farms. The young lady and her mother (who was a
+widow, and is but lately dead) had boarded for some years at this honest
+farmer's house, and in that time a mutual love had been contracted
+between the young people. The old man himself liked the girl so well for
+a daughter-in-law, that his only objection was her want of fortune; but
+this was such an obstacle as was not to be surmounted by a man, who,
+being accustomed to earn money by indefatigable industry, put the utmost
+value upon it. His regard to his son's happiness, however, made him
+resolve to try an experiment in his favour, and accordingly he plucked
+up courage, and went to his landlord. He told him, in his own blunt way,
+that he came to speak to him in behalf of a poor young gentlewoman that
+was his (Sir William's) relation. I have a son that loves her, said he,
+and she loves him, but I cannot afford to let the boy marry a wife that
+has nothing; and you know she has no portion. I would not desire much
+with her, for she is a good girl, and very housewifely; but if you will
+be so kind to give her something to set them a going a little, I shall
+be content; if not, you will be the cause of my son's losing a wife, for
+he swears he will never marry any other woman, and she, poor thing, may
+pine away for love. I do not desire this match out of the ambition of
+having my boy related to you, but because I think the girl is an honest
+girl, and may make him happy.
+
+The rough honesty of the farmer pleased his landlord so well, that he
+gave the young woman five hundred pounds, to set them a going, as the
+old yeoman termed it. Though this sum was but a trifle to a man of his
+fortune, and the giving it was a praise-worthy action, yet did it
+exceedingly displease his lady, especially as he had not thought proper
+to consult her on the occasion. She was not contented with venting her
+indignation on her husband at home, but she renewed the quarrel, by
+complaining to lady Grimston, that her opinion and advice were not only
+despised, but that Sir William was lavishing away the fortune _she_ had
+brought him upon a _tribe_ of poor relations of his own. Lady Grimston
+immediately took fire; she could not bear the thoughts of having her
+daughter's authority of less weight in his family, than her own had
+been, and she attacked her son-in-law with acrimony on the subject. His
+answer to her was short. Look ye, lady Grimston, you made a very
+obstreperous wife to a very peacable husband; your daughter, I find, is
+mightily disposed to follow your example; but as I am not quite so tame
+as my father-in-law was, I will suffer her to see as little of it as may
+be. With this he turned from her, and ordering his coach and six to be
+got ready immediately, with very little ceremony he forced his wife into
+it, and carried her home directly, leaving lady Grimston foaming with
+rage. The altercation had been carried on with so little caution, that
+the servants heard it, and the story is the jest of the neighbourhood.
+
+I confess I am not sorry for this breach; it may be the better for poor
+Mrs Vere; for though her mother's jointure reverts to a male relation,
+on whom the estate was settled, yet as lady Grimston has a large
+personal fortune, it is in her power to make her daughter full amends
+for the injury she did her.
+
+
+                                _May 20_
+
+Mr Arnold is improving his gardens, and taking in a great deal more
+ground to enlarge them. I do not express the least dissatisfaction at
+this, tho' I own I could wish he would not engage in new expences on an
+estate which is now in litigation; but our lawyers are so sanguin, that
+they encourage him to proceed.
+
+
+    [_The following is writ in the hand of the lady, who gave the
+    editor these papers: 'Here follows an interval of four months; in
+    which time, though the Journal was regularly continued, nothing
+    material to her story occured, but the birth of a daughter, after
+    which she proceeds.'_]
+
+
+                             _September 25_
+
+How delightful are the new sensations, my dear Cecilia, that I feel
+hourly springing in my heart! Surely the tenderness of a mother can
+never be sufficiently repaid; and I now more than ever rejoice in
+having, by an obedience, which perhaps I once thought had some little
+merit in it, contributed so much to the repose of a parent, to whom I
+have such numberless obligations. I never see my little girl, but I
+think such were the tender sentiments, the sweet anxieties, that my
+honoured and beloved mother felt when her Sidney was such a brat as
+this. Then I say, surely I have a right to all the duty, all the filial
+love that this creature can shew me, in return for my fondness. As for
+Mr Arnold, he idolizes it; you never saw so good a nurse as he makes.
+Lady Grimston declares, we are both in a fair way of ruining the child,
+and advises us to send it out of the house, that we may not grow too
+fond of it; but we shall hardly take her counsel.
+
+
+                             _September 28_
+
+I informed you before that Miss Burchell had been summoned home by her
+uncle, who was then very ill. She has lately written an account to my
+mother of his death; and that as she has now her fortune in her own
+hands, she intends immediately to quit her aunt, and look out for some
+genteel and reputable family in London (where it seems she chuses to
+reside) to lodge with.
+
+My mother, in her letter to me, expresses great satisfaction at her
+resolution to leave her aunt, but is not without her fears, that so
+pretty a young woman, left to her own guidance, may be liable to danger;
+though she thinks both her natural disposition, and her good sense,
+sufficient to guard her against actual evil.
+
+Our lawyer writes us a word, that he has had an offer of a composition,
+proposed by the widow Arnold's people: he says, though the sum they
+mention is a very round one, yet it plainly indicates the weakness of
+their hopes; and concludes with telling Mr Arnold, that if six-pence
+would buy them off, he should not, with his consent, give it to them; as
+it would tacitly admit the legality of their claim, and might be
+productive of troublesome consequences hereafter; and therefore he would
+by all means have the issue fairly tried. Mr Arnold laughs heartily at
+the proposal, but says he is very much obliged to the lady for
+condescending to give up more than half, when her daughter has a right
+to the whole; without whose consent he supposes it is not in the
+mother's power to make terms.
+
+I wish we were rid of this troublesome affair, as it must hurry us to
+town sooner than we intended, and the country is still delightful.
+
+
+                          _London, October 1_
+
+Again we have quitted our sweet retirement for the noise and bustle of
+London; but this law-business, it seems, must be closely pursued, though
+our antagonist's motions seem a little dilatory. We cannot find out the
+secret spring that sets the machine a-going; the wheels however do not
+seem to move with such alacrity as they did; though the widow still
+talks big, and says, we shall repent of having rejected her offer.
+
+
+                              _October 3_
+
+My brother is arrived in town, but took care to settle himself in
+handsome commodious lodgings before he paid us a visit, for fear, I
+suppose, that we should again press him to accept of apartments in our
+house. I see he is determined to keep up nothing more than an
+intercourse barely civil. Mr Arnold cannot but be disgusted with his
+behaviour, but he is too delicate to take notice of it to me.
+
+
+                              _October 17_
+
+I am disappointed in my hopes of seeing my dear mother in town this
+winter. Her apartment was ready for her, and I delighted myself with the
+thoughts of seeing her in possession of it, at least for a few months;
+but she writes me word that her old rheumatick complaint is returned on
+her with such violence, that she cannot think of undertaking the
+journey. Sadly am I grieved at this news, and shall long to have the
+winter over, that Mr Arnold and I may fly to Sidney-castle; he has
+promised me this satisfaction early in the summer.
+
+My mother informs me that Miss Burchell constantly corresponds with her:
+she tells her that her aunt is come to town to sollicit for her pension,
+but that she never sees her; and as she means to drop all correspondence
+with her, she does not intend even to let her know where she lodges. I
+commend Miss Burchell highly for this, as the acquaintance of such a
+woman may be hurtful to her reputation.
+
+
+    [_Here ensues another interval of nine months, in which nothing
+    particular is related, but that Mrs Arnold became mother to a
+    second child. This last circumstance, with a few others preceding
+    and succeeding that event, are related in the Journal by her maid
+    Patty; after which Mrs Arnold herself proceeds._]
+
+
+                             _July 1, 1705_
+
+Again, my dear Cecilia, I am able to reassume my pen. I have read what
+Patty has writ, and find she is admirable at the anecdotes of a
+nursery. Am I not rich, think you? Two daughters, and both perfect
+beauties, and great wits you may be sure!
+
+The new-born damsel was baptized this day by the dear-beloved name of
+Cecilia. I am angry with Mr Arnold, he takes so little notice of this
+young stranger; his affections are all engaged by Dolly: indeed, I am
+almost jealous of her; for he spends most of the time he is at home in
+the nursery.
+
+Our antagonist is grown alert again, and has renewed her efforts, which
+we thought began to flag a little, with fresh vigour. Whence she derives
+those revived hopes is a mystery; but she now says, she would not accept
+of a composition if it were offered. My poor Mr Arnold begins to fret a
+little, it now and then makes him thoughtful; not that he says he has
+the least doubt about his success, but he has been much harrassed with
+the necessary attendance that the cause requires, and downright tired
+with dangling after lawyers; besides, they say the cause cannot come to
+an hearing in the ensuing term, though they before made us hope, that it
+would be at an end long before this time.
+
+
+                                _July 3_
+
+I am mortified exceedingly, my dear Cecilia: I find I am not likely to
+see my mother this summer. I thought I could not have lived so long from
+her sight. Indeed it was purely in the hope of making her this visit,
+that I prevented her coming to town in the spring, which she purposed
+doing, though far from being well enough to undertake the journey. I own
+I have been impatient under my confinement, as that, and my previous
+circumstances, detained us so long in town, and I this day asked Mr
+Arnold when we should set out for Sidney-castle. He answered me, that he
+feared it would not be in his power this season to pay the intended
+visit to my mother: he says, he has not been near his estate in Kent
+these five years, except for a day or two at a time, and that he thinks
+it necessary to see what condition it is in. I believe I have told you
+that there is a pretty house on it. The place is called South-park, and
+is that which my mother chose for my settlement. Mr Arnold, who always
+preferred Arnold-abbey to it, hardly ever visited this place; and as he
+never resided there, and only lay at an inn when he went down, the house
+is unfurnished, excepting a room or two, which a man who receives his
+rent has just made habitable for his own convenience.
+
+But that I have laid it down as a rule never to oppose so good, so
+indulgent a husband as Mr Arnold is, in any instance, wherein I do not
+think a superior duty requires me to do so, I should certainly show some
+disapprobation of what he now purposes doing. It will be attended with
+so much trouble, so much expence too: he has ordered the house at
+South-park to be completely furnished, and says, he hopes I shall like
+it so well as to be induced to pass the remainder of the summer there.
+Most sure it is, every place will be delightful to me where I can enjoy
+his company, and have my dear little babes with me; but methinks two
+country houses are an unnecessary charge, and more than suits our
+fortune. I pray God this tender husband may not have a strong and
+prudent reason for this conduct, which out of kindness he conceals;
+perhaps he thinks this little spot at South-park may some time hence be
+the whole of our dependence, and he has a mind to be before-hand with
+ill fortune, in rendering that retreat agreeable to me, and rather an
+object of choice than of necessity. If this be his motive, How much am I
+obliged to him? He has not hinted any thing like it; nor would I dash
+the pleasure he seems to promise himself there, by insinuating the least
+suspicion of what his reasons are for going to it. If we lose
+Arnold-abbey, and the whole estate belonging to it, I shall only regret
+it for his sake.
+
+
+                                _July 8_
+
+We are to set out to-morrow, my Cecilia, for our place in Kent. I have
+made the best apology that I could to my mother, and Mr Arnold too has
+writ to her; but I know she will be extremely disappointed at not seeing
+us.
+
+
+                               _July 12_
+
+We are lately arrived at South-park, Mr Arnold in high spirits; and my
+two young travellers bore the fatigue extremely well.
+
+I am not surprized Mr Arnold liked the old family seat better than this.
+I cannot say I am much charmed with it, but I will not let him see that.
+I affect to admire, and seem pleased with every thing that affords me
+the least opportunity of commendation. The house is a very neat one; it
+has not been many years built, and is in perfectly good repair. It is
+genteely, though plainly furnished, and we have a tolerable garden; but
+as the whole domain is let, we are obliged to take a few fields from one
+of our tenants, to supply our immediate want. We are in a very genteel
+and populous neighbourhood, and within a mile of a good market town.
+
+
+                               _July 20_
+
+I have regretted nothing so much in my absence from Arnold-abbey, as the
+being cut off from the hope of seeing my amiable Mrs Vere. We can have
+but _one friend_ to share our heart, to whom we have no reserve, and
+whose loss is irreparable; but I perceive the absence of a pleasing
+acquaintance, whose society is no farther necessary to us, than as it
+contributes to enliven solitude, and gets a preference to others merely
+by comparison, is a loss easily supplied; this I find by experience.
+There are Mrs Veres every where; but, alas! there is but _one_ Cecilia!
+
+I was visited today by two ladies that I am charmed with, though it is
+the first time I have seen either of them. The one is lady V of whom you
+have formerly heard. Her Lord and she came together; their seat is
+within a mile of us, and Mr Arnold had a slight acquaintance with lord V
+before. My lady is about forty, and has that kind of countenance that at
+once invites your confidence; I never saw integrity, benevolence, and
+good sense, more strongly pictured in a face; her address is so plain,
+so perfectly free from affectation, or any of the little supercilious
+forms of ceremony, that a person, ignorant of what true politeness
+consists in, would imagine she wanted breeding; yet she received her
+education in a court; but she seems to let good sense and good nature
+preside over all her words and actions rather than form. She told me she
+had deferred her visit to me, longer perhaps than the laws of decorum
+would admit of, as we were such near neighbours; but, said she, I was
+determined not to be overlooked in the crowd of visitors that have been
+thronging to you every day, since you came down. The character I have
+heard of you, makes me wish for an intimacy with you, and you are not to
+look upon this as a visit of ceremony, but as an advance towards that
+friendship I wish to cultivate.
+
+She spoke this with so frank an air, that, flattering as the compliment
+appeared, I could not help believing her sincere; and thought myself,
+that my appearance did not diminish that good opinion which she said she
+had conceived of me from report.
+
+Lord V---- is many years older than his lady; a robust man, as plain in
+his way as my lady is in her's; though _his_ way and _her's_ are very
+different; for he is frank even to bluntness, but the best humoured man
+living.
+
+The other lady whom I mentioned is a widow; her name is Gerrarde, and
+she lives upon a little estate she has in this neighbourhood. I think I
+never beheld so fine a creature; she is about six and twenty; her
+stature, which is much above the common size, is rendered perfectly
+graceful and majestic by one of the finest shapes in the world; if her
+face is not altogether so regularly beautiful as her person, it is,
+however, handsome enough to render any woman charming who had nothing
+else to boast of. Whether her understanding be of a piece with the rest,
+I have not yet been able to discover. Her visit to me was but short, for
+she had not sat with me an hour when lady V---- came in, and she then
+took her leave; but by what I could observe in that little time, she
+seems to have as much vivacity and agreeable humour, as I ever met with
+in any one. She pressed me to dine with her at her cottage, as she calls
+it, to-morrow, and I like her too well to refuse the invitation.
+
+These two charming women, I think, I shall single out for my chief
+intimates, from the crowd which have been to compliment me, on my coming
+into this country.
+
+Mr Arnold is mightily pleased with them both; but he gives the
+preference to lady V----, whom, tho' he had a slight acquaintance with
+her lord, he never saw before. But he is almost as great a stranger in
+this place as I am: he is highly delighted at my having met with people
+who are likely to render it agreeable to me.
+
+
+                               _July 21_
+
+We dined to-day according to appointment with Mrs Gerrarde. A
+cottage she called her house, nor does it appear much better at the
+outside, but within it is a fairy palace. Never was any thing so neat, so
+elegant, so perfectly well fansied, as the fitting up of all her rooms.
+Her bedchambers are furnished with fine chints, and her drawing-room
+with the prettiest Indian sattin I ever saw. Her little villa is
+called Ashby, and her husband, she told me, purchased it for her
+some time before his death, and left it to her; but she has since had a
+considerable addition to her fortune, by the death of a relation.
+
+Our entertainment was splendid almost to profusion, though there was no
+company but Mr Arnold and I. I told her, if she always gave such
+dinners, it would frighten me away from her: indeed it was the only
+circumstance in her whole conduct that did not please me, for I was
+charmed with the rest of her behaviour. They must surely be of a very
+churlish disposition, who are not pleased, where a manifest desire to
+oblige is conspicuous in every word and action. If Mrs. Gerrarde is not
+as highly polished as some women are, who, perhaps, have had a more
+enlarged education, she makes full amends for it by a perfect good
+humour, a sprightliness always entertaining, and a quickness of thought,
+that gives her conversation an air of something very _like_ wit, and
+which I dare say passes for the thing itself with most people.
+
+
+                               _July 24_
+
+I have returned lady V----'s visit, and am more delighted with her than
+before, Mr Arnold went with me; but my lord not being at home, he went
+to ramble about the grounds, so that I had a long _tête à tête_ with
+lady V----. She is an admirable woman, so fine an understanding, such
+delicacy of sentiment, and such an unaffected complaisance in her
+manner, that I do not wonder my lord perfectly adores her. There is a
+tenderness, a maternal kindness in her behaviour towards me, that fills
+me at once with love and reverence for her; and, next to my Cecilia, I
+think I never met with any woman whom I could so highly esteem as lady
+V----. She is an admirable mistress of her needle, and every room in her
+house exhibits some production of a very fine genius, united with very
+great industry: for there are beds, chairs, and carpets, besides some
+very pretty rural prospects in panels, executed with inimitable skill,
+and very excellent taste. She tells me, if I will give her leave to
+bring her work with her, she will live whole days with me.
+
+I am rejoiced now that Mr Arnold thought of coming to South-Park. How
+valuable is the acquaintance of such a woman as lady V----! and I might
+never have known her, but for a circumstance to which I was at first so
+averse. And then my agreeable lively Mrs Gerrarde! My acquaintance at
+Arnold-abbey begin to fade upon my memory: to say the truth, I think of
+none of them with pleasure, but Mrs Vere, and my good humoured old Dean.
+
+
+                               _August 4_
+
+Mrs Gerrarde is a little saucy monopolist; she grumbles if I do not see
+her every day, and is downright jealous of my intimacy with lady V----.
+They are acquainted, but I don't find there is a very close intercourse
+between them: Mrs Gerrarde says, her ladyship is too good a houswife for
+her; and as she is not very fond of needle-work herself, she cannot
+endure people that are always poring over a frame. I find indeed, that
+this sprightly rogue is fonder of cards than of work; she draws Mr
+Arnold and me in very often for a pool at piquet: at her house I am
+obliged to submit; but at my own, I often take up a book, when she and
+Mr Arnold are engaged at their game, and make them decide the contest
+between them. Nay, I threaten that I will, some night or other, steal
+to-bed and leave them; for she is unconscionable at late hours; and as
+she lives very near us, and keeps a chariot, she does not scruple to go
+home at any hour of the night. What a pity it is so amiable a woman
+should be thus fondly attached to so unprofitable an amusement! for I
+begin to see play is her foible; though, to do her justice, she never
+engages but for very trifling sums, and that only in our own little
+domestic way. But this passion may grow upon her, and she may be led
+unawares into the losing more than her fortune can bear.
+
+
+                              _August 12_
+
+I never was so disconcerted as I have been this day: you will be
+surprized when I tell you, it was by my good lady V----. She came to
+pass the day with me, Mr Arnold being engaged abroad.
+
+We were both sitting at work in the parlour: lady V---- had continued
+silent for a good while; at last looking at me with a most benign smile,
+for I had at the same instant cast my eyes at her; I was just then
+thinking, my dear Mrs Arnold, said she, that I once (though perhaps you
+did not know it) flattered myself with the hopes of being related to
+you. Her words threw me into confusion, though I did not know their
+meaning. It would have been both an honour and a happiness to me, madam,
+I replied, though I don't know by what means I was ever likely to
+possess it. She continued smiling, but seemed in suspence whether she
+should proceed. You will pardon my curiosity my dear, said she, but give
+me leave to ask, whether Mr Arnold was not once near losing the
+happiness he now enjoys? I felt my face glow as she spoke. There was
+once a treaty of marriage on foot, madam, I answered, between me and
+another gentleman. I am sorry I mentioned it, said my lady, observing my
+confusion; but as I was no stranger to the affair while it was
+transacting, and Mr Faulkland is a kinsman of mine, I hope you will
+forgive my inquisitiveness; for I own I have a curiosity, which I
+believe no body but yourself can gratify; and if I did not think you the
+most candid, as well as the best tempered creature living, I durst not
+push my enquiry. My lord, you are to know, was in London, at the time Mr
+Faulkland was first introduced to you; and as they are extremely fond
+of each other, Mr Faulkland did not scruple to disclose his passion to
+him, nor the success it then appeared likely to be crowned with, giving
+him at the same time such a character of you, as I have since found you
+deserve.
+
+When my lord returned to V---- hall, which he was obliged to do very
+soon after Mr Faulkland had made this discovery to him, he informed me
+of the alliance my cousin Faulkland was going to make; and we were
+pleasing ourselves with the thoughts of congratulating him on his
+happiness, when we received a letter from him that put an end to all our
+expectations; this letter contained but four distracted lines: he told
+my lord, in broken sentences, that he had lost all hopes of Miss
+Bidulph; that an act of indiscretion had been construed into a capital
+crime; and that being banished from the presence of the woman he adored,
+he was immediately about to bid adieu to England, perhaps for ever.
+
+This was the substance of what he wrote to us: we have heard from him
+since a few times, but he never cleared up the matter to us, nor even so
+much as mentioned it. I have not been in London since; my lord has; but
+he never could get any light into the mystery: he heard from some of our
+friends, who knew of the intended match, that it was broke off nobody
+knew why. There were, however, several idle surmises thrown out; some
+laid the blame on Mr Faulkland, and some on you; but the truth I believe
+still remains a secret. Now, my dear, if my curiosity is improper, or if
+there was any particular motive to this disappointment of my kinsman's
+hopes, which you don't chuse to reveal, forgive my enquiry, and think no
+more of it; but take up that book, and read to me while I work.
+
+Though my lady gave me this kind opportunity of evading her question, I
+did not lay hold of it: I did not indeed chuse to reveal the whole of
+this affair, because I did not think myself at liberty to divulge Miss
+Burchell's secret, however I might discover my own. I told my lady in
+general terms, that though Mr Faulkland might pretend to a lady every
+way my superior, yet there was an objection to him of no small weight
+with us; that my mother had been informed of a very recent piece of
+gallantry he had had with a person of some condition, and that it had
+disgusted her so much, she could not think of uniting me with a man
+whose passions were not a little more staid; and that this was the sole
+reason of her dislike to a gentleman, who was in every other respect
+unexceptionable. I am glad it was no worse, said lady V----, smiling; I
+am sure Mr Faulkland is not capable of a _base_ action; youthful
+follies he may have had, though I believe as few even of those to answer
+for as most men of his years. I make not the least doubt, however, that
+lady Bidulph was guided by prudence in what she did. She certainly could
+not be too cautious in the disposal of _such_ a child as you; and
+whatever Mr Faulkland's disappointment may be, _you_ I hope are happy.
+Lady V---- looked at me as she pronounced these words, with an
+inquisitive, though tender regard. I was glad of an opportunity of
+enlarging on the merits of Mr Arnold, and told her, I was as happy as my
+heart could wish, or the worthiest of men could make me. I am glad of
+it, said she, with a quickness in her voice, but don't imagine, my dear
+Mrs Arnold, (and she took me by the hand) that I introduced this
+conversation merely to gratify a curiosity, which I fear you must
+condemn in your private thoughts, though you have been so good as to
+satisfy it: I had another reason, a much stronger one. What is it dear
+madam? almost starting with apprehensions of I did not know what. Don't
+be alarmed, said she smiling, it is only this; a great aunt of Mr
+Faulkland's is lately dead, who has left him a considerable personal
+estate, and he is coming over to take possession of it; otherwise I
+don't know when we should have seen him in England. My lord had a letter
+very lately from him; he was then at Turin, where he had met with our
+eldest son, who is now on his travels: he told us he had letters and
+some tokens of love to deliver us from him; and that he should
+immediately on his arrival in England come to V---- hall, where he would
+pass a month with us. Now as we expect him daily, I had a mind to
+apprize you of his intended visit, that you might not be surprized, by
+perhaps unexpectedly meeting him at my house. I thanked her ladyship for
+her obliging caution, though I thought it had something in it that
+mortified me. I told her, that though I should not seek to renew my
+acquaintance with Mr Faulkland, yet had I no reason to avoid him. Lady
+V----, who is extremely quick of apprehension, replied, Without doubt,
+madam, you have not; but you might be surprized at seeing him
+notwithstanding.
+
+She presently turned the discourse; but made me happy the whole day, by
+that inexhaustible fund of good sense and improving knowlege, of which
+she is mistress.
+
+Mr Arnold came not home 'till very late; he complains that he is got
+into a knot of acquaintance that like the bottle too well; but I am sure
+his natural sobriety is such, that it will not be in the power of
+example to lead him into intemperance; though I am vexed he has fallen
+into such acquaintance, because I know drinking is disagreeable to him:
+yet a country gentleman must sometimes give a little into it, to avoid
+the character of being singular.
+
+
+                              _August 22_
+
+Surprized I was not, because I came prepared; but I own I was abashed,
+at seeing Mr Faulkland to-day. Mr Arnold and I were invited to dine at
+Lord V----'s, and his lordship, and his guest, came in from the fields
+where they had been walking, just as we were ready to sit down to table.
+
+There happened to be a good deal more company; Mr Faulkland was not
+introduced; so that there was no room for any thing constrained or
+improper of either side. I presently recovered the little embarrassment,
+that his first entrance into the room occasioned. I am sure nobody took
+notice of it; for dinner being immediately served, there was a sort of
+bustle in hurrying out of the drawing-room. The crowd we had at table
+destroyed all conversation; and nothing particular was said during
+dinner. Lady V---- soon withdrew, and all her female friends followed
+her. I observed she frequently glanced her penetrating eyes at Mr
+Faulkland while we were at table, but I did not chuse to make any
+observations on him. We had not been long seated at our Coffee, when
+four of the gentlemen slipped from their company and came to us: these
+were Mr Arnold, Mr Faulkland, and two others. My lord is pretty free at
+his bottle, and none of these gentlemen I suppose were fond of that
+entertainment. Lady V---- and I were sitting on a couch: I called to Mr
+Arnold, and placed him between us: Mr Faulkland approached me, and then,
+for the first time, with a respectful distance, enquired after my mother
+and Sir George, telling me he had missed of the latter, when he was in
+London, being told he was at Sidney-castle. After a few more indifferent
+questions, he took a dish of coffee, and retired with it to a window. Mr
+Arnold asked me in a whisper, if I was acquainted with Mr Faulkland; I
+could only answer, that I was formerly very well acquainted with him.
+Nothing more passed between Mr Faulkland and me the whole evening: he
+returned soon to the company in the next room, and I saw no more of him.
+
+I can with the utmost sincerity assure my Cecilia, that I now behold Mr
+Faulkland with as much indifference as I do any other man of my
+acquaintance. Time, joined to my own efforts, must, without any other
+help, have intirely subdued an inclination, which was always restrained
+by prudential motives, and rendered subservient to my duty; but I have,
+besides this, now acquired a shield that must render me invulnerable; I
+mean the perfect and tender affection I bear my husband: this has
+completely secured me against the most distant apprehensions of being
+alarmed from any other quarter; yet notwithstanding all this, I can't
+say that I am quite satisfied at this renewal of my acquaintance with Mr
+Faulkland. I hope, and indeed it is reasonable to suppose, that I have
+now as little interest in _his_ heart as he has in mine: it is but
+natural to believe that a gay young man like him, should not be so weak
+as to nourish a hopeless passion for more than two years, especially as
+he has never once seen the object of it in all that time; and must,
+without doubt, have had his attention engaged to others in all
+likelihood much preferable to her; so that I think I have reason to be
+as easy on his account as on my own. But still I am disquieted in my
+mind; I have a delicacy that takes alarm at the veriest trifles, and has
+been a source of pain to me my whole lifetime: it makes me unhappy to
+think that I am now under an almost unavoidable necessity of sometimes
+seeing and conversing with a man, who once had such convincing proofs,
+that he was not indifferent to me.
+
+Mr Arnold's ignorance of our former connections makes it still worse. At
+the time I was so averse to his knowing any thing of this affair, I
+flattered myself I should never see Mr Faulkland more, or at least never
+be obliged to have any intercourse with him; but I now lament that I did
+not take my mother's advice, and disclose the whole affair at first. Oh!
+my Cecilia, when the smallest deviations from candor (which we suppose
+discretion), are thus punished with remorse, what must they feel whose
+whole life is one continued act of dissimulation? If Mr Arnold had been
+acquainted with my former engagements, my heart would be more at ease,
+and I should then converse with this man with all the disengaged freedom
+of a common friend. I wish Mr Arnold's curiosity would excite him to ask
+me some questions relative to my acquaintance with Mr Faulkland, that I
+might have an opportunity of telling him the secret. But the enquiry he
+made at lady V----'s was in a careless manner; he was satisfied with my
+reply, and spoke not of him since.
+
+You will laugh perhaps when I tell you that I have not courage to
+mention it first; Mr Faulkland is reckoned a very fine gentleman, and I
+think it would have such an air of vanity to tell my husband that I
+refused him: then it would bring on such a train of explanations, and
+poor Miss Burchell's history must come out; for a husband on such a
+subject might be disgusted with concealments of any kind; and I doubt
+whether even some circumstances in my particular share of this story
+might not displease him. In short, I am bewildered, and know not what to
+wish for; but must e'en let things take their course, and rest satisfied
+in the integrity of my own heart.
+
+
+                              _August 26_
+
+Oh! my dear! I am mortified to the last degree, lest Mr Arnold should,
+from some indiscreet tongue, have received a hint of my former
+engagement; he may think me disingenuous for never having mentioned it,
+especially since Mr Faulkland has been in the neighbourhood: I think his
+nature is too open to entertain any suspicions essentially injurious to
+me; yet may this affair, circumstanced as it is, make an unfavourable
+impression on him. I wish I had been before-hand with any officious
+whisperer: he has got so many new acquaintance, and is so much abroad,
+that the story may have reached his ears. God forbid it should affect
+his mind with causeless uneasiness! I would Mr Faulkland were a thousand
+miles from V---- hall. I think Mr Arnold is altered since his arrival
+there--Colder he appears to be--I hope I but _fancy_ it--yet there _is_
+a change--his looks are less kind--his voice has lost that tenderness,
+that it used to have in speaking to me--yet this may only be his
+temper--a man cannot _always_ be a lover--Oh! I sicken at the very
+thought of Mr Arnold's entertaining a doubt of my true affection for
+him. I would not live in this suspence for millions. I would rather he
+should treat me roughly--if I discovered that to be his humour, though
+it would frighten me, yet should I patiently conform to it.
+
+
+                              _August 30_
+
+That which was ever the terror of my thoughts is come upon me--Mr
+Arnold--Ah! my dear Cecilia! Mr Arnold is no longer the same! Coldness
+and indifference have at length succeeded to love, to complacency, and
+the fondest attention--What a change! but the _cause_, my dear, that
+remains a secret locked up in his own breast. It cannot be that a
+whisper, an idle rumour should affect him thus. What if he _has_ heard
+that Mr Faulkland loved me once? That we were to have been married?
+Cannot he ask me the question? I long to set his heart at ease--yet
+cannot mention the affair first, after so long a silence; it would look
+like a consciousness. A consciousness of what? I have nothing to accuse
+myself of.
+
+
+                             _September 1_
+
+I am no longer in doubt.--The cause, the fatal cause of Mr Arnold's
+change is discovered. This miserable day has disclosed the secret to me;
+a black, a complicated scene of mischief.
+
+Mr Arnold rode out this morning. He told me he was to dine with a
+gentleman at some miles distance, and should not return till late in the
+evening.
+
+He was but just gone, when a lady of my acquaintance called in upon me,
+to request I would go with her to a play, that was to be performed at
+night. You must know we have had a company of players in the
+neighbourhood for some time past, and it was to one of those poor
+people's benefits that she desired my company. I promised to attend her,
+though you know I don't much admire those sort of entertainments in the
+country, and seldom go to them.
+
+The lady and her husband called upon me at the appointed hour, and I
+went with them in their coach. The place which the players had fitted up
+for their purpose, had formerly been a pretty large schoolroom, and
+could, with the addition of a gallery (which they had made) with ease
+contain above three hundred people. The play had been bespoke by some of
+the principal ladies in the neighbourhood, who had used all their
+interest for the performer, so that the house was as full as it could
+hold. The audience consisting chiefly of fashionable people, it was with
+difficulty that we reached the places which were kept for us in the pit,
+as they happened to be on the bench next the stage, and the door was at
+the other end of the house. The first object that I observed on my
+coming in was Mr Faulkland; he bowed to me at a distance, but made no
+attempts to approach me. The play was come to the latter end of the
+fourth act, and the curtain was let down to make some preparation on the
+stage, when we were alarmed with the cry of fire.
+
+It happened that the carpenters, who had been employed in fitting up
+this extempore theatre, had left a heap of shavings in a little place
+behind the stage, which had been converted into a dressing-room; a
+little boy belonging to the company had found a candle in it, and having
+piled up the shavings, set them on fire, and left them burning: the
+flame communicated itself to some dry boards which lay in the room, and
+in a few minutes the whole was in a blaze. Some persons, who heard the
+crackling of the wood, opened the door, when the flame burst out with
+such violence, that the scenes were presently on fire, and the curtain,
+which as I told you was dropt, soon caught it.
+
+The consternation and terror of the poor people, whose _all_ was
+destroying, is not to be described: the women shrieking, threw
+themselves off the stage into the pit, as the smoke and flames terrified
+them from attempting to get out any other way, though there was a door
+behind the stage.
+
+The audience were in little less confusion than they; for as the house
+was composed chiefly of wood, every one expected it would soon be
+consumed to ashes.
+
+The horror and distraction of my mind almost deprived me of the power of
+motion. My life was in imminent danger; for I was scorched with the fire
+before I could get at any distance from the stage, though the people
+were rushing out as fast as they could.
+
+The lady who was with me was exceedingly frightned; but being under her
+husband's care, had a little more courage than I had. He caught her
+round the waist, and lifted her over the benches, which were very high,
+giving me what assistance he could with his other hand. But the terror
+and hurry I was in occasioned my foot to slip, and I fell between two of
+the benches, and sprained my ancle.
+
+Some people pushing to get out, rushed between me and my company; the
+excessive pain I felt, joined to my fright, made me faint away; in this
+condition Mr Faulkland found me, and carried me out in his arms; for my
+companion was too anxious for her own safety, to suffer her husband to
+stay to give me any assistance, so that he had only time to beg of the
+men about him not to let me perish.
+
+I soon recovered, upon being carried into the open air, and found myself
+seated on some planks, at a little distance from the booth, Mr Faulkland
+supporting me, and two or three other people about me, whom he had
+called to my assistance.
+
+Indebted to him as I was for saving my life, my spirits were at that
+time too much agitated to thank him as I ought.
+
+He told me, he had stepped behind the scenes to speak to somebody, and
+was there when the stage took fire; that he then ran to give what
+assistance he could to the ladies that were in the house (observe he
+distinguished not _me_ in particular), and had just come in when he saw
+me meet with the accident, which had occasioned my fainting away; and
+when the gentleman, who was with me, was calling for help, but at the
+same time getting out as fast as he could.
+
+I now began to recollect myself; I was uneasy at Mr Faulkland's
+presence; I wished him away. I beseeched him to return once more to the
+booth, to see if every one had got out safe, for I told him I had seen
+several of my female acquaintance there, for whom I was alarmed. With
+the assistance of the people about me, I said I could make a shift to
+get to the nearest house, which was not above a hundred yards off, from
+whence I should send home for my chariot, which I had ordered to come to
+me after the play. He begged I would give him leave to see me safe to
+that house, but I would not permit him; and he left me in the care of
+two women and a man, who had come to be spectators of the fire.
+
+With the help of these people, I contrived to hobble (for my ancle
+pained me exceedingly) to the place I mentioned, which happened to be a
+public house. All the rooms below were full, and the woman of the house
+very obligingly helped me up stairs into her own chamber. I called for a
+glass of water, which was immediately brought me, and I desired the
+woman to send some one to my house, which was at about a mile's
+distance, to order my chariot to come to me immediately.
+
+While the woman went to execute my instructions, I had thrown myself
+into a chair that stood close to the wainscot. I heard a bell ring, and
+presently a waiter entered, and asked if I wanted any thing; I told him,
+no. He ran hastily out of the room, and entering the next to that where
+I was sitting, I heard a voice, which I knew to be Mr Arnold's, ask,
+Were the servants found? The man replying that they were not. Then, said
+Mr Arnold, tell your mistress she will oblige me if she will let me have
+her chaise to carry this lady home. The waiter presently withdrew, and
+without reflecting on the particularity of Mr Arnold's being there with
+a lady, about whom I formed no conjectures, I was about to rise off my
+chair to go in to him; but being almost disabled from walking, I was
+obliged to creep along, holding by the wainscot; when a tender
+exclamation of Mr Arnold's stopped me. My dearest creature, said he to
+his companion, you have not yet recovered your fright. A female voice
+answered him with some fond expressions, which I could not hear
+distinctly enough to discover whose it was; but I was soon put out of
+doubt, when the lady added, in a louder tone, Do you know that your wife
+was at the play to-night? Mr Arnold answered, No; I hope she did not see
+me. Mrs Gerrarde, for I perceived it was she who spoke, replied, I hope
+not, because perhaps she might expect you home after the play. Though Mr
+Arnold, in his first emotion of surprize at hearing that I was at the
+play, was only anxious lest I should have observed him, yet he was not
+so lost to humanity as to be indifferent whether I escaped the flames or
+not: I am surprized I did not see her, said he; I wish she may have got
+out of the house safe. You are very sollicitous about her, replied Mrs
+Gerrarde, peevishly; there was one there perhaps as anxious for her
+preservation as you are--The conversation I found here was likely to
+become extremely critical for me; but I was prevented from hearing any
+more, by the woman of the house, who just then entered the room to ask
+me how I did, and to know if I wanted any thing.
+
+I had heard enough to convince me that my presence would be very
+unacceptable both to Mr Arnold and his companion, and I resolved not to
+interrupt them; nor, if possible, ever let Mr Arnold know that I had
+made a discovery so fatal to my own peace, and so disadvantageous to him
+and his friend.
+
+The messenger who had been dispatched for my chariot met it by the way,
+and was now returned with it; I was told that it was at the door; and it
+was with difficulty I got down stairs, leaning on the woman of the
+house.
+
+I found Mr Faulkland at the door; he saw that I wished to disengage
+myself from him after he had carried me out of the booth; and though
+probably he did not take the trouble to excuse the sham commission I
+gave him, which was indeed with no other view than to get him away, yet
+I believe he had too much respect to intrude on me; and came then with
+no other design than to enquire if my chariot had come for me, and how I
+was after the terrible condition he had left me in, sitting at night in
+the open air, with nobody but two or three ordinary people about me, and
+those strangers. This was a piece of civility which humanity, had
+politeness been out of the question, would have obliged him to. He told
+me the fire was extinguished, and happily nobody had received any hurt;
+and that he had only called at that house to know if I were safe, and
+recovered from the fright and pain he had left me in. I thanked him, and
+was just stepping, assisted by Mr Faulkland, into the chariot, when Mr
+Arnold appeared at the door: he was alone, and I concluded, that having
+heard the chariot rattle up the court-yard, he supposed it was the
+carriage he had ordered for Mrs Gerrarde, and came down to see if it was
+ready to receive her.
+
+The light which the servant, who attended me out, held in his hand,
+immediately discovered Mr Arnold and me to each other. I could easily
+distinguish surprize mixed with displeasure in his countenance. He
+asked me abruptly, How I came to that place? Which I told him, in few
+words. The cold civility of a grave bow passed between him and Mr
+Faulkland, who leaving me in my husband's hands, wished me a good night,
+and got into my lord V----'s coach, which waited for him.
+
+Though I knew, from the discourse I had overheard, that Mr Arnold did
+not mean to go home with me, yet as I was now seated in the chariot, I
+could not avoid asking him. He told me, he was engaged to sup with
+company at that house, and that probably he should not be at home till
+late. I knew this beforehand, and, without troubling him with any
+farther questions, drove home.
+
+I have thrown together the strange occurrences of this evening, as well
+as the tumult of my spirits would give me leave: I shall now lay down my
+pen, to consider of them a little more calmly. My heart sinks in me--Oh!
+that I had remained in ignorance!--
+
+Is it possible, my Cecilia, that Mr Arnold, so good a man, one who
+married me for love, and who for these two years has been the tenderest,
+the kindest husband, and to whom I never gave the most distant shadow of
+offence, should at last be led into--I cannot name it--dare not think of
+it--yet a thousand circumstances recur to my memory, which now convince
+me I am unhappy! If I had not been blind, I might have seen it sooner. I
+recollect some passages, which satisfy me that Mr Arnold's acquaintance
+with Mrs Gerrarde did not commence at South-park. I remember lady V----
+once asked me, had she and I been acquainted in London? I said, No. My
+lord laughed, and in his blunt way said, I will swear your husband was,
+for I have seen him hand her out from the play more than once. I never
+asked Mr Arnold about this; it made no impression on me at the time it
+was spoke, and went quick-out of my thoughts.
+
+'Tis one o'clock: I hear Mr Arnold ring at the outer gate; I tremble all
+over, and feel as if I feared to see him. Yet why should I fear? _I_
+have not injured _him_.
+
+
+                             _September 2_
+
+Mr Arnold staid long enough in his dressing-room after he came in last
+night, to give me time to go to-bed before he came up stairs. Not a word
+passed between us: I slept not the whole night: whether he did or not I
+cannot tell. He asked me this morning, when he rose, how I did: I told
+him in great pain. My ancle was prodigiously swelled, and turned quite
+black, for I had neglected it last night. He said, you had better let a
+surgeon see it, and went carelessly out of the room. How new is
+unkindness to me, my friend! you know I have not been used to it. Mr
+Arnold adds cruelty too--but let it be so; far be reproaches or
+complaints from my lips; to you only, my second self, shall I utter
+them; to you I am bound by solemn promise, and reciprocal confidence, to
+disclose the inmost secrets of my soul, and with you they are as safe as
+in my own breast.--
+
+I am once more composed, and determined on my behaviour. I have not a
+doubt remaining of Mr Arnold's infidelity; but let me not aggravate my
+own griefs, nor to a vicious world justify my husband's conduct, by
+bringing any reproach on my own. The silent sufferings of the injured,
+must, to a mind not ungenerous, be a sharper rebuke than it is in the
+power of language to inflict.
+
+But this is not all: I must endeavour, if possible, to skreen Mr Arnold
+from censure. I hope his own imprudence may not render these endeavours
+ineffectual. I am resolved not to drop my acquaintance with Mrs
+Gerrarde. While we continue upon a footing of seeming intimacy, the
+frequent visits, which I am sure Mr Arnold makes at her house, will be
+less taken notice of.
+
+How Sir George would triumph at the knowlege of Mr Arnold's deviating
+from virtue! How my poor mother would be amazed and afflicted! But I
+will, as far as lies in my power, disappoint the malice of my stars; my
+mother shall have no cause to grieve, nor my brother to rejoice; the
+secret shall die with me in my own bosom, and I will wait patiently,
+till the hand of time applies a remedy to my grief.--Mrs Gerrarde sent a
+message to enquire how I did. Conscious woman! she would not come
+herself, though she knew not I had discovered her.
+
+My dear good lady V---- hurried to see me the instant she had
+breakfasted: Mr Faulkland had told her of my disaster, and her
+tenderness soothed and comforted me much. She sat by my bed-side two
+hours, and her discourse alleviated the pain both of my mind and body;
+but now she has left me, I must again recur to the subject that wrings
+my heart. Mr Arnold is enslaved to one of the most artful of her sex. I
+look upon his attachment to be the more dangerous, as I believe it is
+the first of the kind he ever had; and no woman was ever more formed to
+please and to deceive, than she who now holds him in her chains. Into
+what hands am I fallen! Mrs Gerrarde must have heard my story, and by
+the hint I heard her drop, what cruel misrepresentations may she have
+made to Mr Arnold! Mr Faulkland, she can have no enmity to; but me she
+certainly hates, for she has injured me.
+
+'Tis noon: I have not seen Mr Arnold since morning; he has been abroad
+ever since he rose; Good God! is this the life I am condemned to lead?
+
+A new scene of affliction is opened to me: surely my fate is drawing
+towards a crisis. Mr Arnold has just left me. What conversation have we
+had!
+
+After entering my room, he walked about for some minutes without
+speaking; at last stopping short, and fixing his eyes upon me, How long
+have you, said he, been acquainted with Mr Faulkland? I told him my
+acquaintance began with him some months before I was married. He was
+once your lover I am informed. He was, and a treaty of marriage was
+concluded on between us. You would have been happier perhaps, madam, if
+it had taken place. I do not think so Mr Arnold, you have no reason to
+suppose I do. I had a very great objection to Mr Faulkland, and obeyed
+my mother willingly, when she forbid me to see him. I ask not what that
+objection was, said he; but I suppose, madam, you will without
+reluctance obey _me_, if I make the same request to you. Most
+chearfully; you cannot make a request with which I should more readily
+comply. But let me beseech you, Mr Arnold, to tell me, what part of my
+behaviour has given you cause to think such a prohibition necessary? I
+do not say, answered Mr Arnold, that I have any suspicion of your
+virtue; but your acquiescence in this particular is necessary to _my_
+peace and your _own_ honour. A lady's being _married_ does not cut off
+the hopes of a gay man. You give me your promise that you will not see
+him any more. I _do_, said I; I will give up lady V----, whose
+acquaintance I so much esteem: I will go no more to her house while Mr
+Faulkland continues there; and I know of no other family, where I visit,
+that he is acquainted with.
+
+My pride would not suffer me to enquire where he had got his
+information: I already knew it too well; and fearing he would rather
+descend to an untruth than tell me his author, I declined any farther
+questions. He seemed satisfied with my promise, but quickly left me, as
+if the whole end of his visit to me was accomplished in having obtained
+it.
+
+
+                             _September 8_
+
+What painful minutes am I obliged to sustain! Mrs Gerrarde has been to
+see me, gay and assured as ever. She affected to condole with me on the
+accident that happened to my foot, with such an overstrained concern,
+such a tender solicitude, that her insincerity disgusted me, if
+possible, more than the other part of her behaviour. She told me, she
+herself had been at the play, but very luckily had got out without
+receiving any injury. I said, I was surprized I had not seen her there.
+O, replied she, I was in a little snug corner, where nobody could see
+me; for having refused to go with some ladies that asked me, I did not
+chuse to be visible in the house, and so squeezed myself up into what
+they called their gallery, for I took nobody with me but my maid.
+Audacious woman!--Is it not strange, my dear, that Mr Arnold could be so
+weak as to humour her in the absurd frolick of going with her to such a
+place? for so it must have been; or perhaps she appointed him only to
+call for her at the play; and he might have arrived but just in time to
+assist her in getting out. No matter which it was.
+
+
+                             _September 9_
+
+I was born to sacrifice my own peace to that of other people; my life is
+become miserable, but I have no remedy for it but patience.
+
+Mr Arnold spends whole days abroad; at night we are separated on account
+of my indisposition; so that we hardly ever converse together. What a
+dreadful prospect have I before me! O! Cecilia, may you never experience
+the bitterness of having your husband's heart alienated from you!
+
+Lady V----, that best of creatures, is with me constantly; she presses
+me to come to her house, as my ancle is now pretty well, yet I am
+obliged to excuse myself. I am distressed to the last degree at the
+conduct I shall be forced to observe towards her, yet dare not explain
+the motive. Causeless jealousy is always the subject of ridicule, and at
+all events Mr Arnold must not be exposed to this.
+
+
+                             _September 12_
+
+I am weary of inventing excuses for absenting myself from V---- hall. My
+lady has done solliciting me, yet continues her friendly and
+affectionate visits; I fear she guesses my situation, though she has not
+as yet hinted at it; but her forbearing to press me any more on the
+subject of going to her, and at the same time not requiring a reason for
+this breach of civility as well as friendship, convinced me, that she
+suspects the cause of my restraint. I am now perfectly recovered, yet
+do I still confine myself to my house, to avoid as much as possible
+giving umbrage to lady V----: but this restraint cannot last much
+longer; Mrs Gerrarde teazes me to come to her, and I have promised to
+make her my first visit.
+
+
+                             _September 27_
+
+Said I not that my fate was near its crisis? Where will this impending
+ruin end? Take, my Cecilia, the occurrences of this frightful day.
+
+Mr Arnold rode out this morning, and told me he should not return till
+night. He asked me, with that indifference which now accompanies all his
+words, How I meant to dispose of myself for the day? I told him, I had
+no design of going abroad, and should spend my time in reading, or at my
+needle. This was my real intention; but Mr Arnold had but just left the
+house, when I received a message from Mrs Gerrarde to know how I did,
+and to tell me she was not well, and much out of spirits, or she would
+come and pass the day with me; but that she insisted on my dining with
+her. As I had told Mr Arnold I did not mean to go out, I really had
+neither intention nor inclination to do so. But shall I confess my
+weakness to you? I suspected that he purposed spending the day (as he
+often did) with Mrs Gerrarde, and the more so from the question he had
+asked me on his going abroad; he thought I might probably pay her a
+visit; and this intrusion was a circumstance he had a mind to be guarded
+against, by knowing before-hand my designs. I had not been to see Mrs
+Gerrarde since my recovery, and it was natural to suppose I would return
+her visits. Possessed as I was with this opinion, her message gave me a
+secret satisfaction, as it served to convince me Mr Arnold was not to be
+with her, for she generally detained me late when I went to her house.
+From what trivial circumstances will the afflicted draw consolation, or
+an additional weight of grief? So it was, I felt a sort of pleasure, in
+thinking, that for all that day at least Mr Arnold would absent himself
+from my rival--My rival! mean word, she is not worthy to be called so;
+from his mistress let it be. In short, I resolved to go, especially as
+she had sent me word she was not well, and I knew my husband would be
+pleased with my complaisance.
+
+I went accordingly to her house, a little before her hour of dining,
+which is much later than any body else's in this part of the world. I
+found her dressed out, and seemingly in perfect health. She looked
+surprized when she saw me; and I then supposed that she hoped to have
+received a denial from me, and was disappointed at my coming; though I
+wondered that the answer she received to her message had not prepared
+her. This thought rushed into my mind in an instant, and I was sure she
+expected Mr Arnold. I told her, if I had thought I should have found her
+so well, that her message should not have brought me to her; for that I
+had determined not to stir out that day, till her invitation prevailed
+on me to change my mind. Sure, my dear, said she, there must have been
+some mistake in delivering the message to you, it was for to-morrow I
+desired the pleasure of your company to dine with me; for today I am
+absolutely engaged. However, I am very glad you are come, for I shall
+not go out till seven o'clock. I was vexed and mortified: either your
+servant or mine made a mistake, said I, for I was told you desired to
+see me to-day; besides you sent me word you were not well. She seemed a
+little abashed at this: I _was_ very ill in the morning, she said; and
+though I was engaged to spend the evening abroad, did intend to have
+sent an excuse; but finding myself better, I changed my purpose.
+
+Dinner was immediately served, and I sat down, but with a reluctance
+that prevented me from eating. I would have taken my leave soon after
+dinner, but Mrs Gerrarde insisted on my staying, and told me, if I
+refused her, she should think I had taken something amiss of her. She
+called for cards; I suffered myself to be persuaded, and we fell to
+piquet.
+
+I played with disgust, and without attention, every minute wishing to
+break away. Coffee was at length brought in; I begged to be excused from
+staying, telling Mrs Gerrarde, I was sure I prevented her from going
+abroad, but she would take no denial. I was constrained to take a dish
+of coffee, and was hastening to get it down when the parlour door flew
+open, and lo! Mr Faulkland entered the room. If an object the most
+horrible to human nature had appeared before me, it could not, at that
+instant, have shocked me half so much. I let the cup and saucer drop
+from my hand: to say I turned pale, trembled and was ready to faint,
+would be too feeble a description of the effect this spectre had on me.
+I was senseless, I almost died away. Mrs Gerrarde pretended to be
+greatly alarmed; she ran for drops, and having given me a few in a glass
+of water, I made a shift to rise off my chair, and telling her, I should
+be glad of a little air, tottered to the street door. I determined to go
+home directly, but the universal tremor I was now in, disabled me from
+walking, and I sat down in the porch to recover myself a little. Mr
+Faulkland's having been a witness to the agony his presence had thrown
+me into, did not a little aggravate the horror and confusion of my
+thoughts. Whatever _his_ were, he had not spoke to me, nor was it
+possible for me to have remarked his behaviour: I staid not more than
+two minutes in the parlour after he entered. In this situation you will
+think my distress would hardly admit of any addition; but the final blow
+was yet to come. Mrs Gerrarde had staid a minute in the parlour to speak
+to Mr Faulkland after I went out, but presently followed me, and was
+soothing me with the kindest expressions, when I heard the trampling of
+horses, and presently beheld Mr Arnold alighting at the door. I now gave
+myself up for lost. My mind suddenly suggested to me that Mrs Gerrarde
+had contrived a plot upon my innocence; but how she had been able to
+bring it about, my thoughts were not then disengaged enough to conceive.
+My mind was all a chaos; I was not able to answer Mr Arnold when he
+spoke to me. He soon perceived my disorder, and enquired the cause. Mrs
+Gerrarde took upon her to answer, that I was just preparing to go home,
+when I was taken suddenly ill. I was going abroad, said she, and as I
+ordered the chariot much about this hour, I fancy it is ready, and may
+as well carry Mrs Arnold home; you had best step into the parlour, my
+dear, (to me) till it is brought to the door.
+
+I am now able to walk, madam, said I; there is no occasion to give you
+that trouble. Mr Arnold said, I should not walk by any means; and Mrs
+Gerrarde immediately calling to a servant to order the chariot to the
+door, said, as she was going out, she would leave me at home herself. Mr
+Arnold answered, it would be the best way, and that he should follow
+soon. The chariot was presently at the door, and I was preparing to get
+into it, when Mrs Gerrarde cry'd, Bless me, I had forgot, it will not be
+so civil to leave the gentleman behind, without saying any thing to him.
+Mr Arnold hastily asked, What Gentleman? Mrs Gerrarde replied, Mr
+Faulkland, _who took it into his head_ to make me a visit this evening.
+She went quickly into the parlour, and strait returned with Mr
+Faulkland; who bowing carelessly to Mr Arnold, and civilly to me, walked
+away.
+
+Mrs Gerrarde stepped into the chariot to me, and ordered it to drive to
+my house, leaving Mr Arnold standing motionless at her door.
+
+A total silence prevailed on my side during our short journey home,
+except to answer in monosyllables Mrs Gerrarde's repeated enquiries
+after my health. She set me down at my own door, and took her leave
+without alighting. When I found myself alone, I began to consider the
+consequences of this evening's fatal interview; an interview, which,
+though unthought of by me, I judged was contrived to ensnare me. I laid
+all the circumstances together, and endeavoured to unravel the clue.
+'Tis plain to me Mr Arnold was expected by Mrs Gerrarde this evening.
+She sent for me on purpose to betray me; the message, which she
+pretended was delivered wrong, was only an artifice, in order to impose
+on Mr Arnold, that he might imagine she did not expect me. Indeed, he
+could not possibly think she should send for me on the very evening he
+was to be with her; and she had so well guarded her contrivance, that it
+was not easily to be detected. She had sent her message by word of
+mouth, though she generally wrote them down on paper, but this way would
+not have been liable to misconstruction: she had told me she was engaged
+in the evening, yet detained me longer than I meant to stay. From the
+first of these circumstances, it must appear to Mr Arnold, that as I had
+come unwished for, she wanted to get rid of me; the latter obviously
+served her own purpose; for it is as clear as daylight that she laid her
+plan so as that Mr Arnold should find Mr Faulkland and me together. All
+this I have deduced from a long train of reasoning on the circumstances.
+But the inexplicable part of the mystery is how she contrived to get Mr
+Faulkland, with whom I did not think she was acquainted, to visit her at
+so fatally critical a juncture. Sure some evil spirit must have assisted
+her in this wicked scheme: she knew, no doubt, of the promise Mr Arnold
+had exacted of me, never to see him. The apparent breach of this
+promise, she may have art enough to persuade Mr Arnold was concerted on
+my side. But I hope I shall be able to clear myself of this cruel
+imputation to my husband. Truth must force its way into his mind, if he
+is not resolved on my destruction. Perhaps Mr Faulkland may be secretly
+Mrs Gerrarde's admirer, and Mr Arnold is the dupe to her perfidy, as I
+am the sacrifice to her malice and licentiousness.--'Tis all a strange
+riddle, but I cannot remain long in this dismal state of suspence; Mr
+Arnold, perhaps, may discover her treachery, while she is endeavouring
+to destroy me in his good opinion.
+
+I am waiting here like a poor criminal, in expectation of appearing
+before my judge. I wish Mr Arnold were come in, yet I dread to see him.
+
+I might have spared myself the anxiety. Mr Arnold is just returned, but
+he has locked himself into another chamber. I will not molest him
+tonight; to-morrow, perhaps, he may be in better temper, and I may be
+able to justify myself to him, and dispel this frightful gloom that
+hangs over us.
+
+
+                             _September 13_
+
+Hopes and fears are at an end, and the measure of my afflictions is
+filled up.
+
+I went to bed last night, but slept not; the hours were passed in
+agonies not to be described. I think all griefs are magnified by silence
+and darkness. I well knew, prepossessed as Mr Arnold was by my artful
+enemy, I should find it difficult to excuse myself, or persuade him,
+that chance, or Mrs Gerrarde's more wicked contrivance, had been the
+sole cause of what had given him such offence. I was resolved, however,
+to vindicate my innocence, and was, in my own thoughts, preparing my
+defence the greatest part of the night. Towards morning, weariness and
+grief overpowered me, and I fell asleep, but I enjoyed not this repose
+long. Some noise that was made in the house suddenly awakened me; I saw
+it was broad day, and looking at my watch, found it was past seven
+o'clock. I rang my bell, and Patty entering my room, I enquired if her
+master was yet stirring. The poor girl looked aghast, He is gone away on
+horseback, madam, said she, almost two hours ago; and he ordered his man
+to put up some linnen and a few other things in a small portmanteau. I
+believe he means not to return to-night; for he bid me to deliver this
+letter to you. I opened the letter with trembling hands, from whence I
+received my doom in the following words:
+
+'You have broken your faith with me, in seeing the man whom I forbad you
+to see, and whom you so solemnly promised to avoid. As you have betrayed
+my confidence in this particular, I can no longer rely on your prudence
+or your fidelity. Whatever your designs may be, it will be less to my
+dishonour if you prosecute them from under your husband's roof. I
+therefore give you till this day se'nnight to consider of a place for
+your future abode; for one house must no more contain two people, whose
+hearts are divided. Our children remain with me, and the settlement
+which was made on you in marriage, shall be appropriated to your
+separate use.
+
+'I have left home to avoid expostulations, nor shall I return to it till
+I hear you have removed yourself. Spare the attempt of a justification,
+which can only aggravate the resentment of your already too-much injured
+husband.'
+
+I have for a while suppressed the tumult in my soul, to give you this
+shocking letter.
+
+O my Cecilia! What a wretched lot is thy unhappy friend's! To be
+neglected, forsaken, despised, by a husband that I love! Yet I could
+bear that: but to be suspected, accused too! to be at once the miserable
+object of jealousy and scorn! Surely they know nothing of the human
+heart, who say that jealousy cannot subsist without affection; I have a
+fatal proof to the contrary. Mr Arnold loves me not, yet doubts my
+honour. Cruel, mean, detestable suspicion! Oh that vile woman! 'tis she
+has done this; like a persecuting dæmon she urges on the ruin which she
+set on foot.
+
+What can I do? Whither can I fly? I cannot remain here any longer; my
+presence banishes Mr Arnold from his home. If I go to my mother under
+such circumstances, it will break her heart; yet she must know it. I
+must not wait to be turned out of my own doors. That thought is not to
+be borne. I will go this instant, no matter whither.
+
+
+                             _September 15_
+
+God preserve me in my senses! I have passed two days and two nights I
+know not how; in silence and without food, Patty tells me. But I think I
+am a little recovered. I will write to my mother, and beg of her to open
+her arms to receive her miserable child. I am collected enough, and know
+what to say.
+
+I had just dispatched my letter, incoherent as it is, and blotted with
+my tears, when Patty brought me one that had come by the post. I knew my
+dear mother's hand on the superscription, and kissed it before I opened
+it. See, my sister, how the tenderest of parents write to her unhappy
+child, whom she fondly believes to be the darling of her husband, and
+blessed with domestic felicity.
+
+    My beloved Sidney,
+
+    I find age and infirmities are advancing a-pace upon me. My last
+    illness shook me severely, and has left a memorandum of what I may
+    expect in the next visit it makes me. Your family cares are now so
+    much enlarged, that I cannot expect, nor do I desire that you
+    should undertake a journey to Sidney-castle to pay me a short
+    visit; yet, my dear, as you are the comfort of my age, I cannot,
+    in the present precarious state of my health, bear to be at such a
+    distance from you; while God permits me strength I will lay hold
+    of his bounty, and endeavour to get to London. You have told me
+    that you are not conveniently circumstanced at South-park as to
+    room; I will not therefore incommode you, but shall content myself
+    with waiting your arrival in town, at your house in St.
+    James's-street; but do not hasten your departure from the country
+    on this account. I am in no immediate danger, my dear, only
+    willing to lay hold of an interval of health, to get nearer to
+    you. If God prolongs my life, what joy will it be to me to spend
+    next winter with my darling, and her dear good Arnold, and to
+    feast my eyes with my lovely grandchildren!
+
+    If I am called from you, I shall have the comfort of my child's
+    affectionate hands to close my eyes; and shall leave the world
+    without regret, as I have lived to see my Sidney happy in the arms
+    of a good man, who will supply the loss of parents, and unite in
+    himself those tender ties which nature must soon dissolve.
+
+    My prayers for yours, and my dear son's prosperity, I never fail
+    to offer up to Heaven. Your brother George is with me, and desires
+    to be remembered to you; he purposes staying here the greatest
+    part of the winter.
+
+    As I hope to reach London by the latter end of the week, direct
+    your next to me at your own house in town.
+
+      I am,
+          My dear love,
+              Your most sincerely,
+                    affectionate mother,
+                                              DOROTHY BIDULPH.
+
+My heart is bursting--O Cecilia! What will become of my fond, my dear,
+venerable parent, when she finds this daughter, this comfort of her age,
+this beloved of her soul, a poor abandoned outcast; lost to her
+husband's love, turned out of his doors, despised, disgraced! My
+children too--I must leave them behind--My God, for what calamities hast
+thou ordained thy creature! Tears, tears, you may well flow!
+
+So! I am relieved, and will endeavour to fortify my soul against the two
+events, that appear to me horrid as an approaching execution to a guilty
+wretch, the parting with my children, and the meeting with my mother. As
+the letter I wrote will miss of her at Sidney-castle, I shall write to
+London, to prepare her to receive the wretch whom her imagination has
+figured to her so happy.
+
+Lady V----! I hear her coming up stairs--I cannot conceal my affliction,
+nor my disgrace.
+
+Lady V---- has left me: left me in astonishment and new horror. Mrs
+Gerrarde! Who do you think Mrs Gerrarde is? She is the aunt of Miss
+Burchell, that aunt who betrayed her to destruction. Sure this woman was
+sent into the world for a scourge!
+
+I cannot collect myself to tell you with any method, the conversation
+that passed between lady V---- and me. She found me with the marks of
+tears on my face; they streamed again at the sight of her; I could not
+conceal the cause, and I put Mr Arnold's letter into her hands, for I
+was not able to tell her the purport of it.
+
+This is Mrs Gerrarde's doing, said she, the detestable creature! How
+could she work on your infatuated husband, to drive him such horrid
+lengths? I know not, said I, but I hope my lady V---- believes me
+innocent. Innocent, she exclaimed! My dear creature, your sufferings
+almost make me mad. Do you know that Mrs Gerrarde has an intrigue with
+your husband? I fear so, madam, I replied, but I hoped it was not
+publick. Poor child, said lady V----, his attachment to her has been no
+secret, ever since he came down to this country, though probably you
+were the last to suspect it. I have often dreaded the consequences of
+it, but never imagined it would have come to this; I always had a bad
+opinion of the woman, and only kept up a face of civility to her in her
+husband's time, on account of her niece, a charming girl that then lived
+with her; but since Miss Burchell has left her, I have almost dropt my
+acquaintance with her; though my lord, who had an old friendship for
+captain Gerrarde, persuades me to be civil to her.
+
+The name of Miss Burchell had struck me speechless. The clue was now
+unravelled. With what an unremitting zeal has this base woman gone on in
+her career of iniquity? Lady V----, who was intirely taken up with the
+thoughts of my unhappiness, took no notice of my silence or confusion.
+What do you mean to do, my dear Mrs Arnold, said she? Do you think it is
+not possible, by the interposition of friends, to disabuse your
+unfortunate husband? For unfortunate he is, in a higher degree than
+yourself, as you have conscious innocence to support you. Oh madam, said
+I, it is in vain to think of it! Mrs Gerrarde has struck the blow
+effectually. Were Mr Arnold left to the workings of his own heart, he
+might, perhaps, relent; but that woman, like my evil genius and his,
+will take care to keep his suspicions alive. She possesses his whole
+heart, and my removal is become necessary, to the quiet of them both. I
+have taken this resolution, I will immediately quit this house, and
+leave it to a righteous God to vindicate me in his own time. You should
+go no where but to my house, said lady V----, with tears in her eyes,
+but that I think it an improper situation for you, while Mr Faulkland is
+my guest. He will be distracted when he hears of this. I conjured lady
+V---- not to tell him: my being parted from my husband cannot long be a
+secret, said I, but the cause may. Lady V---- told me that Mr Faulkland
+was that very morning set out for Sidney-castle, to see my brother;
+having received a letter from him the day before, in which he told him
+that my mother was going in a day or two to London, and begged he would
+come and spend a week with him. She added, that Mr Faulkland purposed
+doing so, and then to return to V---- hall, as my lord had obtained a
+promise from him to stay some time longer with them; at least till the
+old lady's affairs were settled, who had left her fortune to Mr
+Faulkland, and to whom my lord V---- was executor.
+
+I told lady V---- I depended on her friendship, to keep this affair a
+secret from Mr Faulkland, lest the heat of his temper should make him
+take such notice of it, as might render my separation from Mr Arnold
+doubly injurious to my character. Lady V---- saw the necessity of this
+caution, and promised to observe it. She expressed great surprize at Mr
+Faulkland's visiting Mrs Gerrarde, whom she said, she did not imagine he
+had been acquainted with. He is no stranger, said she, to your husband's
+amour with her, as it has often been a topic of discourse between my
+lord and me; and I can hardly think he would be so indelicate as to
+carry on a love-affair with such an abandoned creature; especially as I
+have often heard him express the utmost detestation of her, on account
+of her robbing you of your husband's affection; which I had observed for
+a good while. But there is no knowing mankind, added she: if that should
+be the case, you may depend upon it that vile Gerrarde has laid her plan
+deeper than we are aware of, and would out-swear us all, that Faulkland
+came to her house for no other purpose, than to have an opportunity of
+seeing you; who to be sure, she said, had given him a private hint to
+meet you there. Now the worst of it is, it is impossible to have this
+matter cleared up to your husband, without Mr Faulkland's concurrence,
+and that you will not consent to. By no means, I replied, I would not
+for the world have Mr Faulkland interfere in my justification. If the
+affair should really be as you have suggested, a little time may,
+perhaps, discover this wicked woman to Mr Arnold, and it will not then
+be so difficult to clear my innocence. At present, her influence over
+him is too powerful for me to combat with; and I know he wishes for
+nothing more than to free himself from the restraint that my presence
+lays him under.
+
+Lady V---- acquiesced in my opinion, and said, she hoped a little time
+would chace away the dark cloud that now hung over me. She staid with me
+the whole day; it was a day of tears: the dear woman was quite subdued
+at parting with me. I see you no more, dear lady V----, said I; I shall
+go to London in two days--Preserve your fortitude, dearest Mrs Arnold,
+she replied; the time will come when your husband will repent of the
+bitter distress he has occasioned to you; my lord and I will use our
+utmost endeavours to convince him of his error.--We shall meet in
+London, my dear, I shall go thither early in the winter on purpose--Have
+courage--Your innocence _must_ be cleared. I answered her not, my heart
+was too full. We embraced, and lady V---- parted from me in silence.
+
+I have written to my mother, and directed my letter to St
+James's-Street. I would have her prepared for the shock before she sees
+me; a shock, which I fear she will not be able to sustain.
+
+
+                             _September 16_
+
+Mrs Gerrarde has never called or sent to me since I was at her house.
+She has effected her purpose, and is contented without a triumph.
+
+I am prepared for my departure. To-morrow I turn my back upon my
+husband's house, and upon my children. I have been weeping over them
+this hour as they lie asleep in their nurse's arms. But I will look at
+them no more.--Poor Patty is almost dead with grief; she would fain go
+with me, but I have persuaded her to stay: I can rely on her fidelity
+and her tenderness towards my children; she says, she _will_ be as
+precious of them as the apple of her eyes, and will give me an account
+of their welfare from time to time. Sure Mr Arnold will not turn _her_
+out too; she is an excellent manager, and he cannot do without a
+housekeeper.
+
+I have been debating with myself whether I should write to Mr Arnold or
+not, and have at length determined to depart in silence. It is an easy
+matter for the guilty to make as bold asseverations as the innocent, and
+nothing which I could now assert would make an impression on him. Had I
+only his suspicions to combat, there might be hopes: but his _heart_ is
+alienated from me; and while it continues attached to another, I despair
+of his listening to the voice of reason or of justice. If ever his eyes
+are opened, his error will prove sufficient punishment to him--Perhaps
+my mother or my brother may put me in a way--My conduct, in time, I
+hope, may justify me--Mean while I will not condescend to the weak
+justification of words.
+
+
+                             _September 18_
+
+I have bid adieu to South-park, and arrived this morning in London in a
+hired carriage, for I would not take one of Mr Arnold's. I found my
+mother at the house in St James's-street, where I now am: she got here
+late last night, and my letter had thrown her into agonies, from which
+she had not yet recovered. What have you wrote to me, said she, as she
+held me in her arms? your dreadful letter has almost killed me--Sure,
+sure, my dear child, it cannot be true that you have left your husband!
+What is the cause? What have _you_ done? or, What has _he_ done? I
+begged my mother to compose herself a little, and then related to her
+every circumstance, in the same manner you have had them as they
+occurred. Her lamentations pierced my heart; she wrung her hands in
+bitterness of anguish; Why did not the grave hide me, said she, before I
+saw shame and sorrow heaped upon my child. I came to die in peace with
+you--You might have lengthened my days for a while--But you cut them
+off--My eyes will close in affliction--A wounded spirit who can bear!
+Had you died in your cradle, we had both been happy. My child would now
+have been a cherub, an angel you would have been in my eyes, and I am
+punished for it; but that was _my_ crime, not your's. But you are a
+martyr to the crimes of others.
+
+My mother wept not all this time; I wished she had; her passionate looks
+and tones affected me more than tears could. My eyes began to run over,
+her's soon accompanied me, and it a little relieved the vehemence of her
+grief.
+
+She then began to reproach herself for having listened to lady
+Grimston's suggestions in favour of Mr Arnold, and for her own
+solliciting this fatal marriage. But I stopped her, on a subject which I
+knew would so much torment her thoughts. I conjured her not to reflect
+on it in that manner; I told her I knew she had acted for the best, and
+that nothing but an extraordinary fatality, which could neither be
+foreseen nor avoided, had made me unhappy. I said I was sure Mr Arnold
+had been seduced by the wiles of a wicked woman, for that he was by
+nature a good man, and that he had more of my pity than of my
+resentment.
+
+I found it necessary to reconcile my mother to herself on this head; she
+seemed willing to lay hold on the hint, and turned all her indignation
+against Mrs Gerrarde. A _practised_ sinner, she called her, for whom
+nothing could be said in extenuation of her crime.
+
+We now turned our thoughts towards fixing on some other abode. You may
+be sure Mr Arnold's house is no place for us; and my mother declared she
+would not stay another night in it: accordingly we have dispatched her
+maid to take us lodgings immediately.
+
+
+                             _September 21_
+
+We have quickly shifted the scene, my dear Cecilia, and are settled, at
+least for the present, in very handsome lodgings in St Alban's-street.
+We came to them last night, and my mother seems a little less disturbed
+than she was. I pray God spare her life, but I fear I shall not long
+enjoy that blessing. She is sadly altered since I last saw her; a
+dropsical complaint is stealing on her fast, her legs are swelled, and
+she has intirely lost her appetite; yet if her mind were a little more
+at ease, I should hope, that by the assistance she can have here, she
+might be enabled to hold out against this disorder for a good while. I
+endeavour to suppress my own grief, that I may not increase her's.
+
+
+
+
+                               VOLUME II
+
+
+                             _September 21_
+
+I was surprized to-day by a visitor to my mother. Miss Burchell came to
+pay her respects to her: I have told you they corresponded. My mother,
+it seems, had given her notice of the time she intended being in town:
+the young lady had been to wait on her in St James's Street, and was
+from thence directed by the servant, who kept the house, to our new
+lodgings.
+
+She is really a very lovely young woman; and there is something so
+insinuating in her manner, that there is no seeing her without being
+prejudiced in her favour. She changed colour when my mother presented me
+to her by my name; but, at the same time, surveyed me with a scrutinous
+eye. My mother asked her, had she seen Mr Faulkland since his return to
+England. She answered, No, with a sigh; but that she believed he had
+been to Putney. To see his son, said my mother? without reflecting, that
+Miss Burchell had avoided mentioning that circumstance, and stopped upon
+naming the place where the child was at nurse. Yes, she replied, in a
+timorous accent, and stealing a look at me. The woman told me, that a
+young gentleman had been there about six weeks ago, who said he came
+from the child's father abroad, and made her a handsome present. As I
+did not then know Mr Faulkland was returned to England, I should not
+have suspected it was he himself who had called, if his housekeeper
+(that gentlewoman in whose care he left me) had not come to me from him.
+She is settled now in a lodging-house; and Mr Faulkland, on his coming
+to London, went to her, to enquire where the child was. She told me he
+inquired civilly after me, and gave her a letter for me, which the
+good-natured woman joyfully brought me; but it contained nothing but a
+bill of a hundred pounds, with two or three lines, polite indeed, but
+not kind, to inform me it was for the child's use; and I have heard
+nothing of him since.
+
+My mother told her, that as Mr Faulkland was returned again, probably to
+continue in England, she did not despair of his being brought to do her
+justice; especially as she must suppose the sight of the child had made
+an impression on him. She then, without ceremony, entered into a detail
+of my unhappy story: she was full of it; and being, as you know, of a
+very communicative temper, made no scruple to inform Miss Burchell of
+every particular. She seemed very much affected with the story, and grew
+red and pale by turns; especially at finding her aunt so deeply
+concerned in it. She exclaimed against her barbarity, reproached Mr
+Arnold for his injurious suspicions, and condoled obligingly with me on
+the wrongs I had received; and yet, my Cecilia, would you believe it, I
+thought I could discover, through all this, that Miss Burchell was not
+entirely free from doubt in regard to my innocence. This observation I
+gathered only from certain looks that she cast at me, as my mother
+related the passages. There are little minute touches on the countenance
+sometimes, which are so transient they can hardly be overtaken by the
+eye, and which, from the passions being strongly guarded that give rise
+to these emotions, are so slight, that a common observer cannot discover
+them at all. I am sure my mother did not; but my sensibility was
+particularly rouzed at her relating a story that I did not then wish to
+have divulged; and I was too much interested in the narrative, not to
+attend precisely to its effects on the hearer. I am neither angry with,
+nor surprized at, Miss Burchell, for her scepticism on this occasion.
+She loves Mr Faulkland, and had not herself the power to resist him: she
+knows he once loved me, and may fancy he does so still; nay, thinks
+perhaps I am not indifferent towards him: she is a stranger to _my_
+heart; but is convinced, that her aunt is base enough, first to ensnare
+to vice, and then to betray. Upon the whole, there is nothing unnatural
+in her suspicions; but I think they could not proceed from a virtuous
+mind.
+
+Upon Miss Burchell's taking leave, my mother gave her a general
+invitation to come to her as often as she had leisure; telling her, she
+must not take it amiss if she did not return her visits, as her health
+would not permit her to go much abroad.
+
+Miss Burchell, it seems, has a house (not lodgings) in a retired street
+in Westminster, where she has been ever since she quitted her aunt, to
+whom she never discovered where she lived. Her fortune enables her to
+appear very genteelly in the private manner she chuses to live. She goes
+but seldom into publick, and has but a narrow circle of acquaintance.
+Those are all of her own sex, and of the best character; and she has had
+the good fortune to preserve her reputation unsuspected; so that, I
+hope, she may yet retrieve her error by an advantageous match, should Mr
+Faulkland still continue averse to her.
+
+
+                             _September 28_
+
+I have had a letter from Patty: she tells me, her master is returned
+home; and adds, 'To be sure, that vile wicked wretch let him know you
+were gone.' She says, he called for the two dear babes, and kissed them
+both. Patty carried the youngest to him in her arms, the other in her
+hand, and she says, he looked troubled. How came you not to follow your
+lady, Mrs Martha, said he? She replied, My Lady was willing, Sir, that I
+should stay to look after the children--And to be a spy upon my actions,
+I suppose: Is that not to be part of your employment too? Ah! Patty,
+Patty; Mrs Arnold had better have looked to her own conduct. Patty made
+no answer, but retired in tears. Every one in the house, she writes, is
+broken-hearted; but that Mr Arnold is never at home, spending his whole
+time with Mrs Gerrarde, whom the girl, in the overflowings of her zeal
+for me, heartily execrates. She informed him, that I was gone to London,
+and purposed living with my mother, who was now there.
+
+
+                              _October 7_
+
+I have just received a letter from Lady V----. She tells me she sent
+twice to Mr Arnold to dine with them, in order, if possible, to lead him
+into a conversation, by which they hoped, in some measure, to have
+cleared my innocence, as my lord could take upon him to justify Mr
+Faulkland; but he declined coming, not knowing, perhaps, that Mr
+Faulkland was absent from V---- hall. She said, her lord had gone to
+South-Park; but either Mr Arnold was not at home, or denied himself. My
+Lady adds, 'It is a delicate affair to interpose in; yet would I have
+ventured to have wrote to your husband, if I had been sure that you had
+no objection to my telling him, that you had made me privy to the cause
+of your parting: 'tis plain, by his avoiding us, it is a subject he does
+not care to come to an explanation upon. Let me have your sentiments,
+and I will act accordingly.'
+
+I shall answer Lady V----'s letter directly, and beg of her to leave
+the matter as it is. Mrs Gerrarde's testimony will have more weight than
+all my good lord or lady could urge in my favour: besides, they are not
+furnished with sufficient weapons to combat against such an enemy: they
+know nothing of Miss Burchell's story; my regard to _her_ character
+prevented me from giving my lady this specimen of her aunt's baseness. I
+suppose the same reason may have closed Mr Faulkland's lips on that
+subject: so that they have nothing to allege against Mrs Gerrarde, which
+would help to invalidate her testimony with regard to Mr Faulkland and
+me. Mr Arnold, indeed, knows that she has forfeited her pretensions to
+modesty; but the delusion of self-love blinds a man in those cases; and
+he can believe, that _truth_, _sincerity_, and _justice_, inhabit the
+bosom of her, whose passion for _him_ alone has caused a deviation from
+chastity.
+
+I cannot think of exposing the poor Miss Burchell by giving up her
+secret. Though it might contribute to clear me, by turning Mr Arnold's
+suspicions on Mrs Gerrarde, yet would she have great reason to resent
+it; more especially as she is now, by a blameless life, endeavouring to
+blot out the memory of her fault. Though my Lady V---- is very prudent,
+her zeal for me, and my lord's good-natured earnestness in my cause,
+might render them unguarded on the occasion; and should they attempt to
+make use of this secret, in order to eliminate Mrs Gerrarde, it might,
+at the same time, bring malicious censures both on Miss Burchell and Mr
+Faulkland.
+
+I think, upon the whole, my mother is the properest person to mediate on
+this occasion. When Mr Arnold comes to town, she can, with due
+tenderness to the young lady, disclose the whole affair to him. The
+knowlege of this black part of Mrs Gerrarde's character, joined to her
+arguments, may perhaps have some weight; though, to tell you the secret
+bodings of my heart, I expect not much from this. I have lost my
+husband's love; Mrs Gerrarde possesses it all; and who knows whether he
+even wishes to lose his pretence for abandoning an unhappy wife. I wish,
+however, Mr Faulkland were returned to V---- hall: should Mr Arnold know
+of his absence at this juncture, he might imagine possibly he was gone
+in quest of me.
+
+
+                              _October 12_
+
+How the scene is changed, my sister! What a melancholy reverse is here,
+to my late prospect of domestic happiness! I pass my nights in tears,
+and bitter reflections on my dismal situation. My days are spent in a
+painful constraint, to conceal the anguish of my own heart, that I may
+not aggravate that of my poor mother. My endeavours to be chearful, I
+perceive, have a good effect on her; she is much more composed, and
+seems resigned to our fate, patiently waiting for a change. I think too
+she is rather better in her health; she has had the advice of a
+physician of eminent skill; the medicines prescribed, he gives us hopes,
+will keep her disorder at least from gaining ground; and that she may
+hold out for some years.
+
+I have prevailed on her not to give Sir George an account of my unhappy
+story, till I hear that Mr Faulkland has left him; because I know my
+brother would conceal nothing from him; and, if possible, I would have
+Mr Arnold's suspicions of _Him_ concealed. I have many reasons for this;
+my own delicacy would receive a wound by it; for who knows what judgment
+Mr Faulkland might form on this knowlege? But my most material objection
+is, should he attempt to vindicate his own honour, what might be the
+consequence! I shudder to think of it. I know Mr Faulkland is rash, when
+provoked. Rather let my sufferings and my disgrace lie wrapped in
+oblivion, than bring any disaster on the father of my children.
+
+
+                              _October 16_
+
+Another letter from Lady V----. She tells me, that Mr Faulkland is
+returned from his visit to my brother. He was soon informed of my
+parting with Mr Arnold; 'tis the talk of the neighbourhood; every body
+lays it on Mrs Gerrarde. Mr Faulkland was very inquisitive to learn
+particulars from my lady, which, he said, he was sure I had told her;
+but she took care not to give him the least hint which could lead him to
+suppose that _He_ had any share in my fate. She says, he raves like a
+madman; and that she finds it absolutely necessary to keep him in
+ignorance of the truth. She was obliged to tell him, that my having
+discovered Mr Arnold's amour with Mrs Gerrarde, she believed, was the
+sole cause of our separation. He asked her, Was she _sure_ there was no
+other? adding, That he thought my temper had been too gentle, to fly, on
+a sudden, to such extremes. My lady took occasion to ask him, Whether he
+did not visit Mrs Gerrarde? He replied, He did sometimes, having
+formerly known her at Bath. She concludes with telling me, That Mr
+Arnold is become quite invisible to every friend he has, Mrs Gerrarde
+engrossing him wholly.
+
+I hope Mr Faulkland may not suspect how much _He_ is concerned in my
+misfortune: my absenting myself, for some time before I left home, from
+V---- hall, and my departure from my husband, immediately after my
+interview with Mr Faulkland at Mrs Gerrarde's, may raise some distrust
+in his mind; but, while it continues merely surmise, he can have no
+pretence for requiring an explanation from Mr Arnold; so that, if my
+husband keeps his own council, which he seems inclined to do, and my
+lord and lady V---- preserve the secret, I shall rest satisfied.
+
+
+                              _October 20_
+
+My mother has written to Sir George, and given him a full account of my
+situation, with a request, which I prevailed on her to make, that he
+would not take any notice of the affair till he saw us. My brother,
+perhaps, may think of a way, with tenderness and safety, to remove Mr
+Arnold's doubts, without farther exposing my reputation, or laying my
+husband open to mischief. A prudent, cool, and at the same time zealous
+friend, might devise some means to effect this; but I fear my brother's
+disregard to Mr Arnold, his diminished love for me, and his resentment
+to my mother, will prevent him from engaging with that alacrity or
+precaution that the nicety of circumstances may require. I will,
+therefore, wait with patience, till God, in his own time, shall raise me
+from the state of humiliation into which I am fallen.
+
+
+                              _October 22_
+
+With what a tortoise pace does time advance to the wretched! how dismal
+are those hours which are spent in reflecting on lost happiness. O
+Faulkland! how light was thy transgression, if we consider the
+consequences, compared to that which has driven me from my home, and
+from my children! steeled my husband's heart against me, heaped infamy
+on _my_ head, and loaded my mother's age with sorrow and remorse! All
+this is the fatal consequence of Mr Arnold's breach of his marriage-vow:
+all this, and much more, I fear, that is to come.
+
+We keep ourselves entirely concealed from the knowlege of all our
+acquaintance: not a mortal visits us, but, now and then, Miss Burchell;
+and I have never stirred out of doors but to church.
+
+
+                              _October 28_
+
+Sir George has answered my mother's letter, just as I feared he would:
+he speaks of Mr Arnold with more contempt and aversion, than he does of
+me with pity or brotherly kindness. He says, 'It is well for him, that
+Mr Faulkland knows not of his injurious suspicions of him, or he would
+vindicate himself in a manner he little thinks of.' He tells us, He does
+not know (at this distance) how to advise; but that, as I am of so
+_patient_ and _forbearing_ a spirit, he thinks my wrongs may sleep till
+he comes to town, which cannot yet be these three or four weeks, having
+leases to renew with his tenants, and abundance of other business to do
+in the country.--So much for George's tenderness.
+
+
+                              _October 29_
+
+My comforts are circumscribed within a very narrow compass; for I cannot
+reckon one, but what I receive from poor Patty's letters, who never
+fails to send me weekly an account of my dear little children. They are
+well, thank God, and not yet abandoned by their father; but even the
+knowlege of this is imbittered by repeated hints of Mr Arnold's lost
+condition. Lost, I may call it; for his whole soul is absorbed in the
+mad pursuit of his own ruin. The poor girl, in the bitterness of her
+indignation, tells me, he has made Mrs Gerrarde a present of a favourite
+little pad of mine: she says, she had a mind to tear her off, when she
+saw her mounted upon it.
+
+I wish not to be told of any of Mr Arnold's motions, and should forbid
+Patty to write to me any thing upon the subject, but that I fear my
+letter might fall into Mr Arnold's hands: his curiosity might lead him
+to open it (for the conscious mind will descend to meannesses); and, if
+he should see my prohibition, he would be satisfied that his servant was
+too free in her censures. I am sure he is quite unconcerned at _my_
+knowing his conduct; but I would not, nevertheless, for my children's
+sake, bring this tender, faithful, poor creature into disgrace with him,
+by convincing him of the liberty she takes, though he may very naturally
+suspect it.
+
+
+                              _October 30_
+
+A lady of our acquaintance, who happened to see me at church, came to
+pay me a visit to-day. It seems, she is intimate with the widow Arnold,
+who told her, very lately, that she was impatient for the commencement
+of term, as she then expected the cause depending between her and us
+would be brought to a final issue, and determined intirely in her
+child's favour. This account alarmed my poor mother so much, that she
+could not be easy till she sent for our lawyer, who was so obliging as
+to come upon the first summons. She acquainted him with the cause of
+her apprehensions; and asked him, whether there was any likelihood of
+the widow's succeeding. He laughed at my mother's fears, and at our
+antagonist's flourishes, as he called them; and said, he would not give
+a bent six-pence to ensure Mr Arnold's estate to him, which the ensuing
+term, he says, will put out of the reach of doubt. This assurance has
+quieted our anxiety on that head. The loss of our suit would indeed be a
+dreadful blow, as we should have nothing then remaining but my small
+jointure, for the support of Mr Arnold, myself, and our two children;
+not to mention Mrs Gerrarde, who, I have reason to believe, has been no
+inconsiderable sharer in Mr Arnold's fortune.
+
+
+                              _November 4_
+
+Six melancholy weeks are gone since I have been here, I may say, both a
+prisoner, and a fugitive. I count the days as they pass, as if I
+expected some revolution in my fate; yet, whence is it to come? No
+prospect as yet opens to me. Mr Arnold's law-affairs will soon call him
+to town: something may then happen--But does not Mrs Gerrarde come too?
+He cannot live without her; and I shall reap no benefit from this, but
+the chance of seeing my children sometimes perhaps; though he may not
+bring them with him, or, if he does, he may be cruel enough to refuse me
+the sight of them. Sir George is cold and dilatory: were he on the spot,
+something might be done; he might expostulate: my mother too could join
+arguments to intreaties: Mr Arnold perhaps might be recovered from his
+delusion; it is but a perhaps.
+
+
+                             _November 15_
+
+My brother is arrived in town sooner than we expected, and came this
+evening to pay us a visit. My altered and dejected looks, I believe,
+shocked him; but George wants tenderness, or at least a capacity of
+shewing it. After a recapitulation of my story, he asked me, 'Could I be
+so mean-spirited a creature as ever to think of living with Arnold
+again, even though he should be inclined to desire it?' I told him, he
+considered the matter in a wrong light; and that he ought to reflect on
+my reputation, and the future welfare of my two poor little girls, who
+would be material sufferers, from the want of my care and attention, as
+they grew up; not to mention the disadvantages they would enter life
+with, by my continuing under an aspersion which might in time become
+very public, as I made no doubt but that Mrs Gerrarde would take pains
+to propagate it wherever she went. My mother added, Mr Arnold too might
+be saved from perdition, if he could be so far convinced of his wife's
+innocence, as to be reconciled to her, and live with her again. And
+pray, said Sir George, how is this to be done, if that damned woman has
+put it into his head, that Faulkland and you are fond of one another? Do
+you imagine that he will believe what _you_ say? what your brother, or
+your mother, or even Faulkland himself, could say to the contrary? I own
+to you very fairly, that I so much despise the man, that, unless you
+will give me leave to talk to him my own way, I will have nothing to say
+to him at all. Would you have me _sue_ to him for a reconciliation, and
+try to persuade him out of the belief of an imaginary injury, which
+probably he was glad to make a handle of to get rid of you? No, Sidney;
+you may be as tame as you please yourself, but it does not become your
+brother to be so. When I go to him, I must insist upon not having rules
+prescribed to me: your delicacy, in regard to Faulkland's asserting your
+innocence, I have nothing to say against; but there can be no objection
+to your brother's vindicating the honour of his family. I saw Sir
+George's resentment was rouzed to the highest pitch; his eyes sparkled
+with indignation, and his whole frame seemed agitated.
+
+Dear brother, said I, I conjure you, (and I fell upon my knees and
+clasped both my arms around his) do not add to my affliction, by
+involving yourself and my husband in a fatal quarrel. What difference
+would it make to me, if Mr Arnold should fall, whether it is by your
+hand or Mr Faulkland's? The loss would be the same; the misfortune, the
+publication of my disgrace, the same. Your husband, said he, breaking
+from me, though a little softened, would have as good a chance as I, if
+it came to the hazard; or perhaps he might condescend to take you again
+(if you will have it so), without coming to these extremities, if I am
+suffered to argue properly with him.--I will not consent to your seeing
+him at all, said I, eagerly. The cause is now my own, he answered,
+coolly; but I will do nothing to aggravate your distress. I did not like
+the manner in which he spoke. My mother, who till now had been silent,
+caught the alarm. Let me intreat you, son, said she, to drop the
+thoughts of any violent methods with Mr Arnold. If you value your
+sister's peace, or have any regard to the obedience you owe me, I insist
+on it, that you neither see him nor write to him, without our knowlege
+and consent; and if you do not promise me this, I renounce all ties of
+kindred or affection to you: your mother has as just a sense of the
+honour of her family as you can have; but it is not on so hot a head,
+and so weak an arm, that she depends to see it justified to the world.
+Sir George, who was nettled at my mother's spirited rebuke, made her a
+low bow. No doubt of it, madam, said he, there will be a miracle wrought
+in my sister's favour. I would have you let her try the experiment of
+the ordeal: I dare say she would come off victorious, and then Mr Arnold
+would do you the favour to take her home again. I wish, said my mother,
+gravely, that there was a possibility of bringing my dear child's
+innocence to such a proof; I would not hesitate a minute to put it to
+the trial: but since there is no such a thing _now-a-days_, I will wait
+till God, in his own righteousness, shall judge her cause, and clear her
+to the world. Therefore, son, I insist upon your promise before you
+leave me.
+
+I give you my word, madam, answered Sir George, I will not attempt to
+hold any conference with Mr Arnold without your knowlege. Will that
+satisfy you? It does, answered my mother; for I think I can rely upon
+your word. Sir George left us not very well satisfied with each other;
+his pride and resentment piqued to the highest. I cannot censure him for
+it here: he has cause; but the case is a nice and difficult one. The
+gratification of a private spleen ought not to enter into the measures
+he should pursue. Glad I am that my mother's properly-exerted resolution
+has tamed him a little. Though George sometimes fails in the respect
+which he owes her, yet I never knew him wilfully to disobey her
+commands, or oppose her inclinations. 'Tis well there is any hold on a
+disposition so ungentle and self-willed as his.
+
+
+                             _November 18_
+
+My brother has taken a very handsome house in Pall-mall, and told my
+mother, between jest and earnest, he is going to give her a
+daughter-in-law, to make up for the loss of her son-in-law. He is, in
+reality, making his addresses to Lady Sarah P the daughter of a
+new-created peer. She has a great fortune, he tells me; but I know
+nothing more of her. I wish him better success in his nuptials (if they
+take place) than I have had.
+
+
+                             _November 20_
+
+Mr Arnold is arrived in town: he came late last night, and his man
+called this morning to enquire how I did. The poor fellow stole out
+before his master was up; and was afraid of staying a minute, lest he
+should be wanted at home. I called him up to the dining-room: I saw an
+honest shame and sorrow in his countenance. How does your master do,
+Frank, said I? Has he brought the children to town? No, madam, said he;
+but they are pure and hearty. I believe my master thought it a pity to
+bring them out of the fresh air, as long as Mrs Patty is there to look
+after them. They are better where they are. I asked him, was Mr Arnold
+come to town to make any stay? I believe for good and all, said he. This
+ugly law-suit, to be sure, will detain him; but he is come _alone_, said
+he, with an intelligent nod: I don't suppose though he will continue
+long so. Well, Frank, said I, I am glad to hear your master and the
+children are well. Ah, madam! shaking his head as he opened the door to
+go out, it was a woeful day for us when you left South Park. God give
+every one their reward!
+
+
+                             _November 22_
+
+I have not seen my brother these two days: he does not know, I believe,
+that Mr Arnold is come to town; though, if he did, I am sure he will not
+break his word; so that I am easy on that particular. My mother says she
+will go to Mr Arnold herself, to _reason_ with him a little. I shall not
+oppose it, though I have no hopes of her being able to effect any thing
+in my favour: she is now laid up with a cold, and is not able to come
+out of her room; but she pleases herself with the thought of this visit,
+as soon as she is able to make it. She has planned what she intends to
+say to him; and is resolved to let him into the whole history of Miss
+Burchell, that he may know, she says, the full extent of Mrs Gerrarde's
+wickedness; as what is there of which that woman is not capable, who
+could set to sale the honour of an innocent, unsuspecting creature, left
+to her guardianship?
+
+
+                             _November 23_
+
+Amazing, my dear Cecilia! I thought I should wonder no more at any
+thing, yet is my wonder now raised to astonishment--I have just received
+a letter from Lady V----. I have read it over and over again, and can
+yet scarce believe my senses. Here it is in her own words.
+
+    'I suppose you know, my dear Mrs Arnold, that your husband is in
+    town; and that he left Mrs Gerrarde behind him for no other
+    reason, I imagine, but that he did not chuse to be quite so
+    scandalous as to let her travel with him; for we heard that she
+    purposed following him in a few days. Patty, I conclude, may have
+    informed you of thus much; but the extraordinary part of the
+    intelligence, I believe, is reserved for me to acquaint you with.
+    Know then that Mrs Gerrarde is eloped, no-body knows whither.
+    _Good_, you say; good, should _I_ say too; but for the conclusion
+    of my story. It is with Mr _Faulkland_ she is eloped: 'tis
+    positively true; she went off with him in triumph last night in
+    her own chariot, and neither of them have been heard of since. I
+    own I am so much confounded at this, I scarce know what I write.
+
+    'I am very glad, for your sake, that bad creature has quitted your
+    husband; but that she should have drawn my cousin Faulkland in, is
+    a matter of serious concern to me. It is evident the plan was
+    previously concerted between them; for I am informed to-day, that
+    Mrs Gerrarde's maid decamped at the same time, and took with her
+    every thing valuable belonging to her mistress, several of her
+    drawers being found open and empty. Mr Faulkland's servants have
+    also disappeared; so that we cannot conjecture which way they are
+    gone.
+
+    'Mr Faulkland, who was about leaving us, asked my permission to
+    give a ball to the neighbouring ladies in our new room, which is
+    just finished. As I concluded he would ask nobody but our own
+    acquaintances, I readily consented; and my lord, you know, is fond
+    of those frolics. I own I was surprized to see Mrs Gerrarde
+    amongst the company, as undaunted as the _modestest_ face there. I
+    would not however confront Mr Faulkland so much, as to shew any
+    disrespect to one, who was, at that time, _his_ guest; but I was
+    out of all patience to find that _she_, along with several others,
+    was asked to supper; my too-good-natured lord joining in the
+    invitation. Mr Faulkland made a pretence to wait on her home, and
+    the audacious creature took that opportunity to march off with
+    him.
+
+    'Now, as Faulkland really purposed leaving V---- hall the next day,
+    I think it would have been but decent in him to have forbore this
+    piece of barefaced libertinism, till he was fairly from under
+    _our_ roof. He might have made his assignation in any other place;
+    but, I suppose, the lady had a mind to shew the world she is above
+    restraint, and chose to make her infamy a sort of triumph.
+
+    'I am quite angry with my lord, for only laughing at this, and
+    calling it a piece of spirited gallantry in them both. He says, he
+    is delighted to think how your good man will shake his ears, when
+    he hears his mistress has left him in the lurch, and gone off with
+    another lover. I should smile too; but that it makes me sad to
+    think, that Mr Faulkland, of whom I had so good an opinion, should
+    so impose upon my judgment, and forfeit his own character, for so
+    vile a creature.
+
+    'Pardon me, my dear madam; I am so full of my own reflections, on
+    the interest _I_ take in this affair, that I have been forgetful
+    of how much more moment it may be to _you_. Heaven grant that your
+    husband may think of making himself amends, in returning to a
+    faithful and amiable wife, for the loss of a deceitful, jilting
+    mistress. Surely this event must open his eyes, or he deserves to
+    lose them. I hope to embrace you in London in a very little time;
+    till then, believe me,
+
+                          'My dear Mrs Arnold,
+                 'Your most assured friend and servant,
+    _V---- hall, Nov. 12_                                 'A.V.'
+
+Well, my Cecilia, what say you to this? Are you not as much surprized as
+I am? Mr Faulkland to emerge at last the favoured gallant of Mrs
+Gerrarde! Prodigious! I confess, my dear, I am so selfish as not to
+participate with Lady V---- in her uneasiness on this occasion. That Mrs
+Gerrarde flies from my husband, I am glad; and that Mr _Faulkland_ is
+the very man she chose to fly with, I am still gladder: he, of all men
+living, I would have wished (though least expected) to be the person.
+This explains every thing that is passed. Surely, as Lady V---- says,
+this _must_ open Mr Arnold's eyes. I can now discover a double reason
+for my poor deluded man's having his imagination poisoned with jealousy.
+Mrs Gerrarde did not aim singly at separating my husband and me: this,
+perhaps, was but a secondary consideration; or who knows whether it was
+at all intended? But she most certainly designed to secure herself
+against all suspicions, by making me the object of them; and effectually
+to blind Mr Arnold, persuaded him, that Mr Faulkland's visits, made to
+her, were only in the hope of seeing me.
+
+Let her views have been what they would, this event was beyond my hopes.
+Some glimmerings of comfort begin to break in upon me. Methinks my heart
+feels much lighter than it did. How Sir George will stare at this
+account! My mother will lift up her eyes; but she has no opinion of Mr
+Faulkland's morals, and therefore will be the less surprized. I pity
+Miss Burchell; this is an irremediable bar to her hopes; faint and
+unsupported as they were before, they must now entirely vanish.
+
+
+                             _November 24_
+
+I gave you a copy of Lady V----'s letter, while the subject was warm at
+my heart, and before I shewed it to any one; but my mother and my
+brother have now both seen it. My mother (just as I expected), without
+any great emotions of surprize, only exclaimed against their wickedness;
+but said, she could not help rejoicing in it, as _I_, she hoped, would
+derive happiness from their accumulated crimes. Sir George read the
+letter twice over before he uttered a word; and then said, It was
+_strange_; upon his soul, most unaccountable; and that either Faulkland
+was run mad, or that woman had bewitched him. When he was with me, said
+he, at Sidney Castle, he did not so much as mention her. I asked him,
+whether he was acquainted with Mr Arnold (for I had written him word of
+your marriage, when he was abroad)? He told me, he had seen both you and
+him, two or three times, at Lord V----'s; but that as he did not wish to
+renew his acquaintance with you, he had never visited your husband. I
+presume he was not then a stranger to his connection with Mrs Gerrarde;
+at least to the conjectures of the neighbourhood upon it: but as it was
+then but a matter of opinion, and he knew not of the difference between
+you and your husband, 'tis probable he did not chuse to disgust me more
+against my brother-in-law, by hinting at this circumstance. He expressed
+great acknowlegements to my mother, when I told him of the notice she
+had taken of Miss Burchell; though, he said, he found (from my account
+of your marriage) that she had deferred her conference with that young
+lady, till it was too late for her testimony to be of any service to
+him. As I knew nothing of what had passed between my mother and Miss
+Burchell, I could give him no satisfaction on that subject; and the
+recollection of past transactions being equally disagreeable to us both,
+I avoided ever mentioning them after our first conversation; nor do I
+remember that Mrs Gerrarde's name occurred once.
+
+My mother now began to exult over Sir George, and took advantage of the
+surprize and consternation that Lady V----'s letter had thrown him into.
+This is your boasted friend, said she; the man whose _honour_ and
+_generosity_ were not to be questioned, and whose _utmost_ crime was a
+youthful folly that he was surprized into with a silly girl. I am
+pleased, however, that _this_ has proved I was not so grossly mistaken
+in believing him a loose man. Mrs Gerrarde is the fittest mate for him,
+and I am glad they are gone together.
+
+Sir George was too much mortified at the flagrant misconduct of his
+friend to attempt excusing him: he contented himself with repeating, It
+was the strangest thing he ever knew in his life.
+
+My mother then told him Mr Arnold was come to town; and that, as things
+had taken such a turn, she hoped herself to be able to bring him to the
+use of his judgment; and therefore thought it would not be at all
+necessary for my brother to interfere. Sir George said, With all his
+heart; if her ladyship should be able to patch up a reconciliation that
+would save his sister's credit, and she could be so _extremely_ pliant
+as to think of living with such a husband again, he should not give
+himself any farther trouble about the matter; but, in _his_ opinion, the
+affair wore a much odder aspect than it did before. I find Mr
+Faulkland's behaviour sticks with him, and has a little cooled his zeal
+towards him.
+
+
+                             _November 25_
+
+I have had a letter from Patty, who confirms my Lady V----'s account of
+the lovers flight; and she tells me one of Mrs Gerrarde's servants is
+gone off express to town; I suppose, to bring Mr Arnold the news: for
+they are all in confusion at her house, and know not what is become of
+their mistress; but they are certain she is gone with Mr Faulkland.
+Patty adds, The servants believe this scheme had long been concerted, Mr
+Faulkland having been a private visitor to their mistress for a good
+while.
+
+I must confess I am astonished at it: it has sunk the man extremely in
+my opinion.
+
+
+                             _November 26_
+
+Miss Burchell has just been here. Poor creature, she is quite stunned
+with the news: she could scarce believe it at first, till my mother
+desired I would shew her Lady V----'s letter, and Patty's, which
+corroborated all she said. She then gave way to tears and lamentations;
+saying, That cruel woman was born to be the destruction of every-body
+she had any connection with. _I_ have found it so; _you_, madam (to me),
+have done so too; Mr Arnold, I believe, has been a great sufferer; Mr
+Faulkland is _now_ her victim. Inconsiderate and barbarous as he is, I
+grieve for him.
+
+
+                             _November 30_
+
+I have heard nothing of Mr Arnold. Indeed it is hardly possible that I
+should: we are shut up here from all commerce with the world. My
+mother's illness has confined her to her bed-chamber; we admit no
+visitors, and I never leave her. I long to know how he takes the
+ingratitude of his mistress; but I see nobody who converses with him. My
+brother and Miss Burchell are the only people we see. The latter is
+pretty often with us; as for Sir George, he only looks in upon us now
+and then, and we all seem in an aukward situation. I wish my mother were
+well enough to call on Mr Arnold: I am very anxious to know what his
+sentiments are; at least in regard to Mrs Gerrarde.
+
+
+                              _December 6_
+
+I have been almost asleep, my dear Cecilia, for this week past; but I
+have been rouzed this morning in a most extraordinary manner. Sir George
+called on us; he ran up stairs in a violent hurry; and had a
+countenance, when he entered the room, that spoke wonders before he
+opened his mouth. He hardly gave himself time to ask me how I did
+(though he had not seen me for three days), before he took a bundle of
+papers out of his pocket, which he gave me. 'Tis from Faulkland, said
+he, and may be worth your knowlege. Upon opening the cover, I found it
+contained, at least, four sheets of paper, written on every side. Bless
+me, brother, said I, do you expect I should take the trouble to read all
+this? He answered, You may read it at your leisure: you will find it
+will pay you for the mighty trouble of a perusal. Sir George left me
+presently; and having read this extraordinary letter to myself, for I
+happened to be in my own room when my brother came to me, I sate me down
+to give you a copy of it. My mother, who coughed almost the whole night,
+is now endeavouring to get a little sleep; so that I will scribble on as
+fast as I can, while I have no interruption.
+
+                                              _Boulogne, Nov. 30, 1704._
+
+My dear Bidulph,
+
+I am in haste to vindicate myself to you, but in much more haste to do
+so to Mrs Arnold; who, if she bestows a thought at all on me, must, I am
+sure, hold me in the utmost contempt; and great reason would she have,
+if things were always as they appear. Methinks I see her beautiful scorn
+at hearing I had carried off Mrs Gerrarde. What a paltry fellow _you_
+must think me too. And yet I _have_ carried her off, and she is now in
+my possession, not displeased with her situation; and I might, if I
+would, be as happy as Mrs Gerrarde can make me: but I assure you, Sir
+George, I have no designs but what are for the good both of her soul and
+body; and I have hitherto treated her like a vestal. What a paradox is
+here, say you? But have patience till I tell you the story of my
+knight-errantry.
+
+You are to know then, that as Arnold's amour with Mrs Gerrarde was no
+secret at V---- hall, from the moment I heard it, I meditated a design
+of breaking the detestable union; not out of regard either to him or
+her, but in hopes of restoring, to the most amiable of women, a besotted
+husband's heart, which nothing but downright magic, infernal witchcraft,
+could have robbed her of. The woman is handsome, 'tis true; but she is a
+silly toad, and as fantastic as an ape. I had formed this design, I say,
+from the first notice I had of the intrigue; and, in consequence of
+this, resolved to renew my acquaintance with Mrs Gerrarde: for I had
+_known_ her before; known her to my cost. She it was, this identical
+devil, whom I have now in my power, that was the cause of Miss
+Burchell's misfortune; and therefore the remote cause of my losing Miss
+Bidulph. Had it not been for her, I should never have had the fall of
+that unhappy girl to answer for. _I_ should not, I say (mark that); for
+the mercenary witch was determined to sell her to somebody, when my ill
+stars threw me in her way. I do not rank this affair in the number of
+capital crimes; and yet I never think of it without a pang. If half of
+my fortune would retrieve the girl's peace of mind, I would give it
+freely: but it is past now, and cannot be helped. She had the good
+fortune never to be suspected; and, if she keeps her own council,
+probably never will. If I die a bachelor (as I believe I shall), I will
+leave her my whole fortune. What can a man do more?
+
+How I ramble from my subject! I meant only to tell you what my design
+was in carrying off Mrs Gerrarde. In order to effect it, as I said
+before, it was necessary for me to renew my acquaintance with her; and
+accordingly I put on a bold face, and made her a visit. She was not
+surprized at this, our former intimacy giving me a sufficient pretence
+for it. She received me with a pleased familiarity, which convinced me
+my company was far from being disagreeable to her; and I am sure, had my
+views been other than they were, I should have met with as kind a
+reception as my heart could have wished; for she certainly thought of
+retaining me in her service unknown to Arnold. I was soon aware of this;
+for, though she often desired to see me, she always contrived it at
+such times, as she was sure of not being surprized by him. This was, in
+some measure, meeting my purpose halfway; but though I wanted to
+disengage her from Arnold, I did not mean to sacrifice myself to her;
+and our views, in the material point, were very different: mine were
+only to part her from her gallant; her's were to share her favours
+between us: for she did not intend to let go her hold on him; and I
+believe my backwardness, in pushing my good fortune, began to disgust
+her; but the time for carrying my plan into execution was not yet
+arrived; it could not be till Arnold's departure from South-Park. I
+meant to carry Mrs Gerrarde away with the appearance of her own consent;
+and I knew this was impossible, whilst her lover remained so near her. I
+had formed but a rough sketch of my plan when I received your letter,
+which summoned me to Sidney-Castle; and I resolved not to apprize you of
+it, till my enterprize was crowned with success; more especially as you
+were then quite ignorant of your sister's wrongs.
+
+On my return from visiting you, the first news I heard at V---- hall
+was, that Mr Arnold and his lady were parted. I curst my own
+dilatoriness, that I had not executed my plan before things were brought
+to such extremities; for I well knew it was that artful fiend who had
+occasioned it, though I then little thought how fatally _I_ had
+contributed towards the misfortune of the ever-amiable and
+most-respectable of women.
+
+Lady V---- told me, that your sister, having discovered her husband's
+infidelity, had left him on that account; but my lord soon let me into
+the whole secret. Oh! Sir George, that angel, who deserved the first
+monarch in the universe, to be cast off by an undiscerning dolt! and
+_I_, though innocently, the accursed cause. I cannot think with patience
+of what the divine creature has suffered on my account; but was it not
+all, from the beginning, owing to Mrs Gerrarde, that avenging fury, sent
+on earth as a scourge for the sins of me and of my ancestors?--I
+rave--but no wonder--I am mad upon this subject.--But to return: I then
+recollected, that the day before I set out for Sidney Castle, I received
+a message from Mrs Gerrarde in the morning, desiring my company to drink
+coffee with her that evening. I obeyed the summons, little expecting to
+meet Mrs Arnold at her house, whom I had never seen there before. The
+effect my presence had on her extremely surprized me: she presently
+quitted the room. Mrs Gerrarde took that opportunity of telling me, that
+she had dropped in on her very unexpectedly; but, as she supposed she
+would go directly away, we should have an hour to chat by ourselves. She
+then followed your sister out, and I remained alone in the parlour.
+Whilst I was reflecting on this odd encounter, which I did not then
+imagine had been brought about by design, Mrs Gerrarde came in to me,
+saying, your sister was so ill she was under a necessity of accompanying
+her home, and had ordered her chariot for that purpose: she made an
+apology for being obliged to leave me, and said she should be glad to
+see me the next day. I took my leave, and in going out saw Mr Arnold at
+the door, which I judged was the true reason of Mrs Gerrarde's
+dismissing me.
+
+I set out for Wiltshire the next morning; and though there was something
+odd in the whole of this incident, I believed it was owing to chance
+alone, and thought no more of it; till, upon my Lord V----'s telling me
+the true cause of your sister's disgrace, I found that this serpent had
+laid the whole plan on purpose to destroy her. You see (for to be sure
+you know all the particulars) how she seduced the innocent Mrs Arnold
+into this fatal visit, having first engaged me to come at the very point
+of time when she knew the husband would surprize us; for _his_ coming,
+you may be satisfied, was not unexpected.
+
+I own to you, Sir George, in the first motions of my rage, I could have
+stabbed Arnold, Mrs Gerrarde, and myself; but my Lord V---- calmed my
+transports, by telling me, that it was your sister's earnest request
+that this detestable secret should be kept from my knowlege; and that
+Lady V----, who had intrusted him with it, would never forgive him, if
+she knew he had divulged it. This reflection brought me back to my
+senses, and I burned with impatience to execute my first plan, which Mrs
+Gerrarde's repeated crimes now called upon me to accelerate. I
+communicated my design to Lord V----, who was delighted with it; for he
+perfectly adores your sister. This, said he, though not such a vengeance
+as that wicked woman deserves, must in the end be productive of what you
+wish, and Mrs Arnold may be restored to her peace, without injury to her
+character, or mischief to any-body.
+
+Having settled my measures with Lord V----, I went to pay a visit to Mrs
+Gerrarde. The cockatrice affected to speak with surprize and concern of
+your sister's separation from her husband. I asked her, had she, who was
+so intimate with both, heard any reason assigned for it? She shook her
+head, and by a pretended sorrow in her looks, and a mysterious silence,
+invited me to press for an explanation of her meaning. She told me at
+length, with a seeming reluctance, that 'poor Mrs Arnold, though to be
+sure she was a sensible woman, was not without the little frailties and
+passions of her sex; and that, _astonishing_ and _groundless_ as her
+suspicions were, she had taken it into her head to be jealous of Mr
+Arnold; and with whom do you think, of all people, she suspects him?' I
+cannot imagine, said I. Why truly with _me_, replied the undaunted
+Jezebel, and looked as if she expected _I_ should be as much amazed as
+she pretended to be. I affected to laugh at it; and changing the
+discourse, put an end to my visit.
+
+The measures I had to observe required some management. It would not
+answer the full extent of my purpose to rob Mr Arnold of his dear, if it
+did not appear at the same time that she had left him with her own
+consent. To bring about this, it was necessary that the flight on her
+part should seem premeditated; which would not carry any face, unless
+she took with her such of her moveables as were most valuable. This I
+knew could not be done without the assistance of her maid, whom I
+therefore not only resolved to trust, but also to make her a partner in
+her mistress's elopement.
+
+Having settled thus much of the plan in my own mind, I began my
+operations, by making the maid presents every time I visited the
+mistress; and I took care to give those visits as much the air of an
+amour as I possibly could. I dare swear the girl thought Mrs Gerrarde
+and I were upon the best terms imaginable. I affected to come at such
+hours as I was sure Mrs Gerrarde was alone; I always made my visits
+short, as if through fear of being surprized with her; and went so far
+as to leave my chariot (when I came in it) at a distance from the house,
+and walked to it alone, with the caution of one fearful of being
+observed. It was a matter of indifference to me whether Mrs Gerrarde
+knew of this or not; my business was only to excite suspicions of an
+intrigue amongst her servants, in order to answer a future purpose: but
+if she were to know with what extreme precaution I visited her, my
+prudence could not but be very agreeable to her: she had her measures to
+observe as well as myself. As it was of consequence to her to conceal
+our acquaintance from Arnold's knowlege, she must necessarily be pleased
+at the pains I took (without her laying herself open in making the
+request) to conceal it from him; and she saw I was as careful as she
+could wish never to interfere with him.
+
+In short, we carried on a private intercourse, that, if it could not be
+called gallantry, was something very like it; for I amused,
+complimented, and flattered her so agreeably, that I believe she began
+to think herself sure of me, and wondered I did not make a better use of
+the favourable disposition she was in towards me; but I trifled with
+such dexterity, that even she, with all the cunning she is mistress of,
+could not possibly fathom my design.
+
+Having thus laid the foundation of my plot, I made no doubt of being
+able to execute it, with my Lord V----'s assistance: he was in raptures
+at the thought of our enterprize, and swore he would never have forgiven
+me, if I had not allowed him a share in it. He said, I would give my
+right-hand to make Mrs Arnold happy; adding, besides it will save her
+husband from destruction; for, to my knowlege, that woman has already
+almost ruined his fortune.
+
+I asked him, might we venture to let my lady into the secret? He said,
+by no means; my lady was too squeamish to be trusted with such a notable
+exploit; but, when the affair was over, he would take upon him to excuse
+me to her, after he had diverted himself a little with her surprize.
+
+I fretted to death at Arnold's staying so long in the country, as it
+delayed my enterprize. There was one circumstance indeed that a little
+compensated for this vexation; and that was, that my long stay at V----
+hall, which could be no secret to him, though he dropped visiting there
+on purpose to avoid me, might in some measure help to efface his
+injurious suspicions with regard to his lady and me; besides, it gave
+the better colour to my other designs.
+
+At last the long-sought-for opportunity arrived. Arnold was obliged to
+go to London on his law-affairs. I took care to inform myself of the day
+from Mrs Gerrarde's maid; and learnt at the same time that her mistress
+purposed going to town in a week after; for she still endeavoured to
+save appearances, and dared to the last to pretend to reputation. I
+proposed giving a ball, to take my leave of the ladies, on the night
+subsequent to the day fixed for Arnold's departure from South-Park. My
+lord, almost as anxious for the event as myself, immediately dispatched
+invitations all over the neighbourhood: there was not a person of any
+fashion left unasked. Mr Arnold and Mrs Gerrarde, you may be sure, were
+not forgot. From the former, as we expected, we received a civil
+apology; from the latter, a message that she would be sure to come.
+
+This was at the distance of eight days from the appointed time. In the
+interim, I continued to visit Mrs Gerrarde as usual, and took care to
+bespeak her for a partner. Arnold went to town as opportunely as we
+could wish. I called on Mrs Gerrarde the same morning; and having my
+lord's permission for it, engaged her to come early enough to drink tea,
+as there were a good many more ladies invited for the same purpose; and,
+at going away, I dropped a few mysterious hints to her maid.
+
+In the evening there was a very large company met at V---- hall; and
+having concerted my whole plan, when the ladies were engaged at the
+tea-table, I slipped out, mounted my horse, and rode to Mrs Gerrarde's
+house. I desired to see her maid; and, taking her aside, told her not to
+be surprized; but that her lady was to go off with me that night: that
+the thing had, for certain reasons, not been determined on till that
+very evening: that I had just snatched a minute to desire her to get all
+her ladies trinkets together, and whatever money and bills she might
+have in her escruitore. In order to this, I gave her a parcel of small
+keys, which I had carried in my pocket for the purpose; and bid her hold
+herself in readiness against seven o'clock, when a person should call on
+her, who would conduct her to a place where she should find her lady and
+me.
+
+I needed no arguments to persuade the girl; the thing appeared plausible
+enough: she was fully convinced of the intimacy between her mistress and
+me; and knowing her too well to have a doubt of her baseness, she
+concluded I acted by Mrs Gerrarde's directions, and promised punctually
+to obey them. She said, she could easily carry away in the dark as many
+things as she could conveniently carry; and, to avoid observation from
+the rest of the servants, she would wait at a cottage hard by, which she
+named to me, till her conductor arrived.
+
+Whether any of the keys I gave her would fit the locks or not, I was not
+much concerned; if they did not, I concluded she would think her
+mistress had made a mistake; and that she would force them open, rather
+than fail. Having settled this material point, I got back to my Lord
+V----'s, without having been missed by the company.
+
+Our ball was very well conducted; I danced with Mrs Gerrarde, and we
+passed a very agreeable evening. We supped at twelve, and she had
+ordered her chariot to come a little after that hour; but I had given my
+fellows their cue. As the dancing was not renewed, the company broke up
+between one and two. Mrs Gerrarde was one of the first that offered to
+go; but as her servants were not to be found, she was detained till
+every-body else had taken their leave. At length her coachman and
+footman were found in the cellar, with one of my mean, all so drunk that
+they were not able to stand. Her servants were really so, and mine
+counterfeited so well, there was no discovering the cheat. In this
+emergency, nothing was more natural than the offering my servants to
+attend her home, and of course to wait on her myself to see her safe.
+She readily accepted the first offer, but declined the other. This was
+easily got over; I handed her into her chariot, and stepped in after
+her. Our route was settled: we drove from my Lord V----'s door; and
+turning short from the road that led to Mrs Gerrarde's house, we struck
+down a lane which was to carry us by cross-roads to our first destined
+stage, which was at the distance of seven miles. This was no other than
+a poor gardener's house, to which place two of my emissaries had been
+dispatched that day to wait our coming, with a travelling chariot, and
+four stout horses. I had taken care, according to promise, to send a
+trusty groom for the maid, with a boy to carry her luggage. They were
+both well mounted, and had orders to carry her to an inn on the road to
+Rochester, and within about a mile of the town. This inn was kept by a
+fellow, who had formerly been my servant; I had placed him there, and he
+was intirely at my devotion. He had already received his instructions,
+and his house was to be our second stage. I concluded the maid had
+arrived there long before us, having had six or seven hours the start of
+us, and the place was not more than twenty miles from her own house.
+
+Mrs Gerrarde was not immediately aware of our going out of the road; she
+was in high spirits, and I kept her in chat. As soon as she perceived
+it, she cried out, with some surprize, Lord, Mr Faulkland! where is the
+fellow carrying us? He has missed his way. She called to him; but the
+coachman, who had orders not to stop unless I spoke to him, only drove
+the faster. Pray do call to him, said she; the wretch has certainly got
+drunk with the rest of the servants. I told her there was no possibility
+of turning in the narrow road in which we then were: that when we got
+out of it, I would speak to the coachman; and begged of her, in the mean
+while, not to be frightened. The lane was a very long one, but our rapid
+wheels soon carried us to the end of it, where I had appointed Pivet and
+one of my footmen to meet us on horseback. I had another servant behind
+the chariot, whom I purposed to send back with it in the morning.
+
+At the sight of two horsemen, who were apparently waiting for us, she
+screamed out, Oh! the villain; he has brought us here to be robbed. She
+had a good many jewels on her; and, to say the truth, had some reason
+for her fears. The chariot had now got on a good open road, and the
+horses rather flew than galloped. The two horsemen joined us, and kept
+up with us at full speed. I saw she was heartily frightened, and thought
+it time to undeceive her. I was not ill-natured enough to keep her
+longer under the apprehensions of highwaymen, and thought she would be
+less shocked at finding there was a design upon her person, than on her
+diamond ear-rings. Now, said I, taking one of her hands with rather more
+freedom than respect, since we are out of all danger of discovery, or
+any possibility of pursuit, I will tell you a secret; and I spoke with
+an easy assured tone. She drew her hand away. What do you mean, Sir?
+Nothing, madam, but to have the pleasure of your company in a little
+trip I am going to take: believe me, you are not in the least danger;
+you are under my protection; those are my servants that you see riding
+with us; and you may judge of the value I set upon you, by the pains I
+have taken to get you into my possession. Lord, Mr Faulkland! why sure
+you can't be serious! Never more so in my life, madam; I have long had a
+design upon you; but your connection with Mr Arnold--_My_ connection
+with Mr Arnold, Sir! interrupting me; I don't understand you!--Come,
+come, Mrs Gerrarde; you and I are old acquaintance, you know; 'tis no
+time for dissembling. He has been a happy man long enough: 'tis time for
+a woman of your spirit to be tired of him; especially as I think I may
+say, without vanity, you do not change for the worse in falling into my
+hands. The lady had now recovered her courage; she was no longer in
+fears of being robbed, and her spirits returned. You audacious creature!
+how dare you treat me thus? Have you the assurance to insinuate that
+there was any thing criminal in my attachment to Mr Arnold and his
+family? My dear madam, I accuse you of no attachment to any of his
+family; he himself was the only-favoured person--Sure there never was
+such an impertinent wretch!--But I know the author of this scandal: it
+was Mrs ---- (and she dared to prophane your sister's honoured name);
+but I despise her; and Mr Arnold shall soon know how I have been
+affronted; and she fell a crying.--My dear Mrs Gerrarde, I beg your
+pardon; I did not mean to offend you: if Mr Arnold admired you, he did
+no more than what every man does who sees you. I beseech you to compose
+yourself; by all that is good, I mean you no harm: be calm, I conjure
+you, and don't spoil the prettiest face in England with crying. A
+daring, provoking creature, she sobbed; what could put such an attempt
+as this in your head? and to what place are you carrying me? Only to
+France, my dear creature? have you have been there? To France! to
+France! she exclaimed; and do you dare to think you shall carry me
+there? Oh! you'll like it of all things, said I, when you get
+there--What do you think her reply was: Why, neither more nor less than
+a good box on the ear. I catched hold of her hand, and kissed it: you
+charming vixen, how I admire you for your spirit! She endeavoured to
+wrest her hand from me; but I held them both fast, for fear of another
+blow. Base, insolent, ravisher, villain! As she rose in her epithets, I
+replied with, lovely, charming, adorable, tender, gentle creature--She
+cried again; but they were spiteful tears, and did not create in me the
+least touch of that pity, which, on any other occasion, they might have
+moved me to.
+
+I was glad our altercations had a short truce, by the chariot's stopping
+at the gardener's cottage, where I had ordered my equipage to wait. All
+the family were in bed but the man's wife, who came curt'sying to the
+door. I led, or rather lifted, Mrs Gerrarde out of the chariot; for she
+would not give me her hand; and begging she would repose herself for a
+few minutes, whilst I gave orders to my servants, put her into the good
+woman's hands. She went sullenly in, without making me any answer: and
+seeing nobody but the old woman, she was convinced that complaints, or
+an attempt to escape, would be equally fruitless, and so prudently
+acquiesced. I soon dispatched my orders: I made the footman, who came
+behind the chariot, mount the box, and directed him to drive to an inn
+in the next village to Mrs Gerrarde's house, and from thence to send it
+home by some one who did not know to whom he belonged. I then ordered my
+own equipage to the door; and entering the cottage, told the lady I was
+ready to attend her. The old woman presently vanished; so that seeing
+nobody to apply to, she suffered me very quietly to put her into my
+chariot, and I placed myself by her. It was made on purpose for
+travelling, and I took care to have nothing but wooden windows; to which
+I had the precaution to add a couple of spring-locks, which shut on
+drawing up, and were not without difficulty to be opened. One of the
+windows was already up, and I flurted up the other as soon as I got into
+the coach. It was a fine moon-light morning, the postilion cracked his
+whip, and, though the roads were deep and dirty, the four horses darted
+away like lightning.
+
+I believe, madam, said I, you are by this time convinced that my scheme
+is too well laid to be baffled by any efforts you can make. I mean to
+treat you with due respect, and beg you will use me with a little more
+gentleness than you have done; that is all the favour I shall ask in
+return, till you yourself are disposed to shew me more.
+
+You are the most amazing creature, said she, that ever breathed! What is
+the meaning that, in the whole course of our acquaintance, your
+behaviour never gave me room to believe that you were serious in your
+designs on me, and now at once you souse upon your prey like a hawk?
+I'll answer you in two words, said I. When we first met, you had a
+husband; since the renewal of our acquaintance (you'll pardon me), it
+was no secret that you had a favoured lover in Mr Arnold: I am not of a
+temper to solicit a lady by stealth, and I would not give a pinch of
+snuff for the woman who is not intirely at my disposal. Your attachments
+to Arnold forbad this, and I was determined to have you all to myself.
+My attachments to Mr Arnold! cried she, impudently, again. Ay, said I,
+coolly, it began to be talked of so openly, that your reputation was
+mangled at every tea-table in the country; and had you staid much longer
+there, you would have found yourself deserted by every female of
+character that knew you. Mr Arnold's parting with his wife, was by
+every-body charged to your account; and as she is reckoned a very _good
+sort_ of a woman (was not that a pretty phrase?), every one took her
+part, and were not sparing in their invectives against you. Add to all
+this, that Arnold has certainly run out his fortune, and is so involved
+that it will not be possible for him long to make those returns of
+generosity which your merit deserves.--You and I have been acquainted
+long; I am no stranger to your circumstances; I know, at Captain
+Gerrarde's death, your pension as his widow, and the very small jointure
+at Ashby, was the whole of your income. Arnold's love, it is apparent,
+has hitherto been bountiful; how long it could be in his power to
+continue it so, may be a question worth your considering.
+
+I found I had mortified her pride, by mentioning the narrowness of her
+circumstances, and the demolition of her character. If all you say
+_were_ true, Sir, which is far from being the case (with a toss of her
+head), you will find it no very easy matter to make me amends for what I
+shall perhaps lose for ever by this violence of yours, notwithstanding
+the _smallness_ of my income, which you seem so well informed of. I have
+a considerable sum of money, and some valuable jewels, lying by me, of
+which my servants may very probably rob me. I assured her, upon my
+honour, I would make good to her every thing she should lose through my
+means, and would take care her situation should never be upon the same
+precarious footing which it had been. I did not chuse to mention the
+circumstance of my having secured her maid and her money too; I reserved
+that for an agreeable surprize. I had measures to observe; I did not
+want to be on good terms with her too soon for obvious reasons, as
+nothing was farther from my heart than a thought of gallantry.
+
+For this purpose, I assumed a more distant behaviour, and affected to
+shew her something like respect. I did not drop the least hint of my
+knowing that Mr Arnold had made his lady uneasy on my account, much less
+that I suspected her for the wicked contriver of that mischief. I
+deferred the discussing of this point till a more favourable opportunity
+should offer, when it would be in my power to make a better use of it.
+
+My design was by degrees to make her satisfied enough with her
+situation, not to wish to return to Arnold. When I had once brought her
+to this, I judged it would not be difficult to carry her still farther,
+to the point I aimed at; and that was, to write a letter to him of my
+dictating. You will think this was a strange expectation, and yet it was
+what I resolved to accomplish. I knew the turn of the mind I had to deal
+with: bring a woman of this sort into good-humour, and it is easy to
+wheedle her into compliance. She has no solid understanding; but
+possesses, in the place of it, a sort of flashy wit, that imposes on
+common hearers, and makes her pass for what is called clever. With a
+great deal of vanity, and an affectation of tenderness, which covers the
+most termagant spirit that ever animated a female breast, her ruling and
+governing passion is avarice; and yet, strange to tell! generosity is of
+all things what she professes to admire, and is most studious of having
+thought her characteristic. Her pretensions to this virtue I have
+opposed to her vice of avarice, as the terms appropriated to each seem
+most contrary in their natures; yet I do not mean by generosity, that
+bounteous disposition which is commonly understood by the word: no, no;
+she aimed at the reputation of this virtue in our most exalted idea of
+it, and would fain be thought a woman of a _great soul_. This phrase was
+often in her mouth; and though her whole conduct gave the lye to her
+professions, she would tell you fifty stories, without a word of truth
+in any of them, to prove how nobly she had acted on such and such
+occasions. On the knowlege of this part of her temper, I chiefly built
+my hopes of success.
+
+I kept up a sort of forced conversation during the rest of our journey.
+She was sullen, but not rude. As I was far from desiring to come to an
+eclaircissement with her, I did not wish to have her in better temper.
+
+We reached the inn, which was about a mile on our side of Rochester, at
+eight o'clock in the morning. This was a favourable hour, as by that
+time every traveller must have left the stages they lay at. The house
+stood alone, and luckily enough had no company in it. My old servant,
+Lamb, had received my instructions by letter, and was prepared
+accordingly for our reception. This was the place to which I had ordered
+the maid to be carried; she had arrived there some time before us, and
+was safely lodged.
+
+The chariot drove into the court-yard close to the door of the inn; the
+step was let down in an instant, and Mrs Lamb appeared to receive us. We
+both darted into the house. Dressed as we were for a ball, we made an
+odd appearance as travellers at that hour of the morning. I believe this
+consideration made Mrs Gerrarde very readily hurry upstairs with the
+woman of the house.
+
+I enquired for Mrs Gerrarde's maid, having given orders to Lamb that she
+should not been seen till I first spoke to her. I was carried into the
+room where she was: she seemed very glad that we were arrived. I desired
+her to lay out her lady's toilet, which I concluded she had brought with
+her; for that Mrs Gerrarde would presently put herself in a proper habit
+for travelling. The maid told me she had brought her mistress's
+riding-dress with her, and as many other things of her wearing apparel
+as she could conveniently carry. I saw a vast heap of things lying
+unpacked on a bed which was in the room, and asked her how she had
+managed so cleverly as to get such a number of things together without
+observation. She told me she had lost no time, from the minute I left
+her, till the arrival of her guide; but had employed the interval in
+carrying out some of the best of her lady's cloaths piece by piece, and
+conveying them to the cottage, which she could easily do without the
+servants seeing her; for as it was dark, she passed in and out without
+observation. Here she huddled them into a large portmanteau. After this
+she went to examine her lady's escruitore; but was a long time puzzled
+in endeavouring to open it, as none of the keys I had given her
+answered. She endeavoured to force it open with as little noise as
+possible, but in vain. She then had recourse to a second trial of the
+keys, when one of them, which probably had been passed by before,
+luckily opened the lock; and she secured all the money and jewels she
+could find. These, said she, kept me in continual dread all the way as I
+travelled; for I have eight hundred pounds in bank notes; and though my
+lady has such a quantity of jewels on her, I am sure I have as many more
+about me, which I have hid in different parts of my cloaths.
+
+I commended the girl's diligence, as indeed it deserved; and having
+before ordered tea and coffee into Mrs Gerrarde's room, I now went in to
+breakfast with her. I found the woman of the house still with her, at
+which I was not at all uneasy; for as she had been tutored by her
+husband, I knew she was not to be wrought upon, if Mrs Gerrarde had
+attempted it.
+
+As I did not at that time desire a _tête à tête_ with her, I contrived
+to keep Mrs Lamb in the room, by desiring her to drink tea with us.
+
+When we had done breakfast, I told Mrs Gerrarde, that as I feared she
+was a good deal fatigued, if it was agreeable to her, we would remain
+where we were for that day; and that I would by all means have her think
+of taking some rest. She said she was extremely tired, and should like
+to get a little sleep. I think, madam, you had better go to bed, said
+Mrs Lamb; I have a very quiet chamber ready, where no noise in the house
+can disturb you. Shew me to it, answered Mrs Gerrarde, with a tone of
+weariness and ill-humour. The woman obeyed; I followed: she carried her
+to the door of the room where the maid was, and throwing it open, Mrs
+Gerrarde, who supposed she was attending her, went in: I stepped in
+after her; Mrs Lamb withdrew.
+
+Mrs Gerrarde's astonishment at the sight of her maid, is past
+description. Rachael! in a tone of admiration. Rachael, who did not
+think there was any thing unexpected or extraordinary in their meeting,
+quite at a loss to guess at what her mistress wondered, answered her in
+her turn with some surprize. Madam! and waited, expecting she would give
+her some orders; which finding the lady did not, the maid asked her,
+very composedly, Would she please to undress? I hope, Madam, said I,
+stepping forward, that Mrs Rachael has taken care to bring you every
+thing you may have occasion for; I shall leave you in her hands, and
+wish you a good repose. Strange, astonishing creature! said Mrs
+Gerrarde, looking at me with less anger than surprize. I bowed, and left
+the room.
+
+I ordered Mrs Lamb to have an eye to my prisoners; and heartily tired as
+I was, between dancing and travelling, I undressed and threw myself into
+bed. I slept till six o'clock in the evening; then rose, and put myself
+into a habit fitter for my journey than that in which I came; and which
+I had sent in a post-trunk before me, by the messenger whom I had
+employed to apprize Lamb of my coming.
+
+Mrs Gerrarde was not yet stirring. I called for Rachael, and asked her
+how she had come off with her lady, upon telling her the manner of her
+falling into my snare. Rachael told me her lady wondered mightily at my
+art, and said I was the _strangest gentleman_ that ever was born. My
+friend Rachael softened the expression I fancy; I am sure Mrs Gerrarde
+did not call me a strange _gentleman_. She said her mistress smiled two
+or three times at her relation, particularly at my giving her the keys.
+I found, upon the whole, that my conduct in securing to her her money
+and her jewels, together with the attendance of her maid, had a good
+deal appeased her resentment.
+
+Mrs Gerrarde did not rise till near eight o'clock. I had ordered as
+elegant a dinner as the house could afford; and the lady having put
+herself into a genteel dishabille, with great alacrity sat down to
+table, and did not appear to have fretted away her appetite. I would
+suffer no one to attend but Rachael. I told Mrs Gerrarde that I purposed
+setting out for Dover that night, and that as it could not be supposed
+her maid should be able to ride so far, and that a second carriage with
+four horses (as less might not be able to keep pace with us) would be
+liable to observation, I would, if she pleased, resign my place in the
+chariot to Mrs Rachael, and attend her myself on horseback. She answered
+me coldly. Since she _must_ go, it was indifferent to her who was to be
+her companion. Though the motive I offered for this manner of travelling
+was not without its weight, yet my true reason was to avoid being boxed
+up so long again with Mrs Gerrarde. My time was not yet come for
+explanations, and I was afraid of being upon good terms with her too
+soon.
+
+The remainder of the evening was spent by her and her maid in carefully
+packing up their baggage, which had been brought in a confused huddle to
+the inn. Mrs Gerrarde had a convenient trunk bought at Rochester for the
+purpose, and assisted herself in laying them up safely.
+
+She equipped herself in a smart riding-dress, and at eleven o'clock,
+without any great reluctance, permitted me to put her and her maid into
+the chariot. The inn had no company in it, at least that we saw; and our
+host was too discreet to let any of his servants be in the way. I
+mounted my horse, and triumphantly galloped off with my prize.
+
+We reached Dover early next morning, and immediately got on board the
+packet. The lady by this time appeared so perfectly serene, that I
+believe in my soul I should not have got rid of her, if I had desired
+her to have gone back again; but she had assumed a new air, and
+affected a fine tender melancholy in her countenance. I guessed at her
+thoughts, and found afterwards my conjecture right. Will you believe me,
+Sir George, when I tell you the baggage had formed serious _honourable
+designs_ upon my person? Fact, upon my word. I saw it presently (you
+know my knack of reading people's minds in their faces), and was not
+sorry for the discovery; for though I determined not on any account to
+encourage such a wild expectation, yet I intended to make a _discreet_
+use of it; besides, I knew it would afford me a handle for keeping a
+_respectful_ distance.
+
+We landed next evening. She had been very sick at sea, and continued so
+much out of order, that she was put to bed as soon as we got to the inn.
+She ordered her maid not to stir from her; the very thing I wished; so
+that I had nothing to do but to be very troublesome in my enquiries
+after her health, and very sorry for her indisposition.
+
+The next morning however set all to rights; and after congratulating her
+on her recovery, and the revival of her beauty, I told her I meant to
+carry her to Boulogne, whither I had sent Pivet the night before to take
+lodgings for us, in a private house which he knew. I found that neither
+Mrs Gerrarde nor her maid spoke French; a circumstance I was very glad
+of, though the former bitterly lamented her having _forgot_ it. She made
+not the least objection to the travelling from Calais to Boulogne, as
+she had done before: her late indisposition gave me a pretence for
+insisting on Rachael's attending her in the chariot.
+
+The lodgings Pivet had taken were very handsome; our apartments were on
+the same floor, separated only by a lobby. Mrs Rachael had a little bed
+fitted up for her by my directions in her lady's dressing-room. Thus far
+I had sailed before the wind; but now came the difficult part of my
+task. It was impossible for Mrs Gerrarde to conceive that any thing, but
+down-right love for her person, could have induced me to do what I had
+done. I had actually run away with her, put myself to some hazard, and,
+what in her estimation was no small matter, some expence too. No other
+motive had appeared in all my conduct towards her; and tho' I had not
+absolutely made love to her, yet what other construction could my
+actions bear? for my words, to say the truth, were equivocal. She must
+necessarily have concluded that I had no other view but a piece of
+gallantry with her. Her designs on me were of a much more serious
+nature; and her vanity made her imagine, that, notwithstanding my
+thorough knowledge of her character, her cunning, joined to my passion,
+might lead me into her snare.
+
+Now, I had two nice points to consider of, and two difficulties to
+surmount. The first was, not, by any part of my conduct, to carry the
+deception so far as to give her the least room to hope I could be mad
+enough to marry her. This, bad as _she_ is, and extravagant as _I_ am, I
+could not think of doing, even to gain my favourite point. The other
+was, to keep up such an appearance of gallantry towards her as she must
+naturally expect, and at the same time avoid all approaches which
+usually forerun the catastrophe of an amour; than which nothing was more
+repugnant to my wishes.
+
+To steer between these two extremes was the difficult task, particularly
+the latter; for, between ourselves, I began to be much more afraid of
+her than she was of me. I knew it would be impossible for me to keep up
+the farce long; the sooner it was over the better; and therefore I
+determined to enter on my part directly.
+
+I had been ruminating on my project all the way as I rode. When we
+arrived at Boulogne, I found myself a little out of order, having caught
+cold; and as I was really somewhat feverish, a thought started into my
+head, that this illness might aid me in my design. When we came to our
+lodgings, I made my excuses to Mrs Gerrarde for not being able to attend
+her: I told her I found myself ill, and must be obliged to go to bed.
+She said she was _very sorry_, and perhaps she spoke truth.
+
+I left her in possession of her new apartment with her maid Rachael.
+Their being strangers to the language of the country cut off all
+communication with the people of the house, who could not speak English.
+I introduced Pivet to them, whom they had never seen before (for he had
+taken particular care to keep out of their view during the whole
+journey), as a gentleman who was to be their interpreter; and having
+thus settled my household, I retired to my bed-chamber.
+
+Not well, nor sick enough to go to bed, I threw myself however down on
+it; and after revolving in my mind all the occurrences of the three or
+four past days, I started up again, sat down to my desk, and have given
+you, my Bidulph, a faithful narrative of my proceedings down to the
+present period of time, being November 20, eight o'clock in the evening.
+
+You may soon expect to have the second part of this my delectable
+history; 'Shewing how Orlando, not being able to prevail, with all his
+eloquence, on the as fair and beautiful, as fierce and inexorable,
+Princess Gerrardina, to put the finishing hand to his adventures and
+most wonderful exploits, did, his wrath being moved thereby, like an
+ungentle knight, bury his sword in her snow-white, but savage and
+unrelenting breast; whereat, being stung with remorse, he afterwards
+kills himself.'
+
+Would not this be a pretty conclusion of my adventures? No, no, Sir
+George, expect better things from thy friend. I hope my knight-errantry
+will not end so tragically. But hasten to make my peace with that
+gracious creature your sister: yet why do I name her and myself in the
+same sentence? She cares not for me, thinks not of me, or, if she does,
+it is with contempt. I said this before, and I _must_ repeat it again;
+but tell her, what I have done was with a view to promote her happiness.
+Oh! may _she_ be happy, whatever becomes of me. I know the means I have
+used will make her angry; but try to make her forgive the means for the
+motive's sake. Tell her as much of this wild story as you think proper;
+but do not let her see it in my wild rambling language; that is only fit
+for your own eye.
+
+Your mother, I know, is out of all patience with me. I am black enough
+in her opinion already. This last action, as far as she has yet known of
+it, will dye me ten shades deeper; but pray put in a word for me there
+too. I know she will say, that 'we are not to return evil for evil; and
+that it is not lawful to do evil, though to bring forth good.' But put
+her in mind that there are such things as _pious frauds_ (though,
+by-the-bye, I do not take this of mine to be one of them); 'that wicked
+people are to have their arts opposed by _arts_; and that good people
+have not only been permitted, but commanded to execute vengeance on
+sinners.' And you may hint at the children of Israel's being ordered to
+spoil the Ægyptians, though far be it from me to spoil Mrs Gerrarde of
+any thing she has. This however, and as many wise sayings as you can
+collect for the purpose, you may string together; and be sure you tell
+her I have hopes of reclaiming Mrs Gerrarde from her _evil_ courses, and
+do not despair of prevailing on her to go into a nunnery; for Mrs
+Gerrarde, you must know, was bred a Roman Catholic, though she conformed
+on marrying Captain Gerrarde.
+
+Now put all this into decent language, fit for that very good woman's
+ears; for _good_ I must call her, notwithstanding she was inexorable to
+me.
+
+I am fatigued with writing so long a letter--I feel my disorder increase
+upon me; I will be let blood, and hope soon to give you a good account
+of my undertaking. Mean while, if I am not quite reprobated, write me a
+line, directed under cover to Monsieur Larou, at the Post-house,
+Boulogne. Farewel, my dear Bidulph; sick or well, I am ever your's,
+
+                                                                 O.F.
+
+
+                              _December 7_
+
+Was there ever such a piece of knight-errantry? What a mad-cap is this!
+Pray, my dear, are you not astonished at him? I am sure I am. I had not
+an opportunity to finish the copying of this very long letter, which I
+began yesterday morning, till very late this night. My poor mother has
+been so restless, and so much out of order, these two days, I desired
+her leave to read to her Mr Faulkland's history (for I can call it by no
+other name) as I sat by her bed-side. She told me, I might let her know
+the substance of what he said, as it would fatigue her too much to
+attend to so long an epistle.
+
+You would have smiled, my Cecilia, at my good parent's amazement, when I
+told her Mr Faulkland's proceedings, and his reasons for them. She would
+scarce give credit to it at first, and I was obliged to repeat several
+circumstances to her over again. And so, said she, this was all on
+_your_ account, and he had _really_ no ill design on Mrs Gerrarde. I am
+glad of this for Miss Burchell's sake, and shall be impatient to tell
+her of it. I begged of my mother to wait a while for the result of Mr
+Faulkland's adventure, before she mentioned any thing of the matter to
+Miss Burchell. We do not yet know, said I, how this matter may turn out;
+Mr Faulkland, to be sure, will make haste to communicate to my brother
+the issue of this odd affair, and it will then be time enough to inform
+the young lady.
+
+My mother unwillingly consented to postpone a discovery which she knew
+would be so agreeable to Miss Burchell. I applaud her humanity; but
+think that, good and prudent as she is, she is too unreserved in her
+confidences. This strange business is, I think, at present in too
+critical a suspence to trust the knowledge of it to anybody. If Mr
+Faulkland fails in his design, his avowal of it will be far from serving
+me. Sir George was with us for a few minutes to-day, only to exult in Mr
+Faulkland's recovered credit. Has he not well explained himself, said
+he? Oh! I knew there must have been some mystery at the bottom of that
+conduct which surprized us all so much. _There's_ a man for you! Shew me
+another who would carry his noble disinterested love to such lengths!
+
+My mother did not like that he should run on in that strain, and
+therefore stopped him. The end crowns all, Sir George: let us see how
+your friend will conduct himself _through_ this ticklish affair. Let him
+get through it how he will, answered my brother a little bluntly, I
+think Sidney has obligations to him she ought never to forget.
+
+
+                             _December 16_
+
+More intelligence, my dear; stranger and stranger still! I am sorry I
+sent off my last packet, as I am sure you must be impatient for the
+conclusion of Mr Faulkland's adventure; and then what sorry stuff has
+the interval been filled up with! but I will now make you amends. My
+mother is better too, thank God! and every thing promises well.
+
+Sir George has had a second packet from Boulogne. Take the continuation
+of Mrs Gerrarde's history as follows:
+
+  How rude is the hand of sickness, my Bidulph! it had like to have
+  spoiled one of the best projects that ever was undertaken, and
+  consigned to oblivion an action worthy of immortality. I have been
+  very ill since I last wrote to you; the disorder, which I then
+  complained of, turned out to be an ugly fever; and I was for three
+  days in extreme danger. Mrs Gerrarde was, during that time, closely
+  attended by Pivet, whose services I dispensed with on that account.
+  He told me she appeared uneasy at my situation, and enquired
+  constantly, and _kindly_ too, after my health. When I grew well
+  enough to sit up, I begged the favour of seeing her in my chamber.
+  She came very readily, and seemed downright anxious for my recovery.
+  I told her I hoped she had been treated with proper care and respect
+  during my sickness. She said Mr Pivet was a very obliging,
+  good-natured man, and had endeavoured to make her confinement as
+  easy to her as possible.
+
+  The plan she had formed of turning to the most lasting advantage the
+  inclination she supposed I had for her, inclined her to assume a
+  very different behaviour from what was natural to her. The weakness
+  of my condition, while it afforded me a pretence for a more cold and
+  languid behaviour than I could with any colour have put on at
+  another time, gave her an opportunity of playing off her arts, and
+  facilitated my design beyond my hopes.
+
+  She was seated at my bed-side: our first conversation consisted of
+  nothing but complaints on my side, and condolements on her's. I
+  sighed several times, and she sighed in return. Mrs Gerrarde, said
+  I, you are afflicted; but my illness has no share in your concern.
+  Something else oppresses you; you regret the being separated from Mr
+  Arnold, and I am always the object of your hatred. Neither one nor
+  t'other, answered she, in a kind voice. 'Tis impossible to hate you;
+  you know it is not in nature for a _woman_ to hate such a man as Mr
+  Faulkland. As for Mr Arnold, though I _own_ my former weakness in
+  regard to him, yet I hope I have something to plead in my excuse. I
+  was married very early to an old man, and had never experienced the
+  happiness of reciprocal love: he died, and left me destitute. Mr
+  Arnold's generous, though I must confess unwarrantable passion,
+  rescued me from distress. I did not know he was married when I first
+  unwarily accepted of his addresses, and it was too late to retreat
+  before I found it out; otherwise the universe should not have
+  tempted me to have listened to him.
+
+  In the midst of the affluence I obtained from him, it often grieved
+  me to think of the injury I did his wife. There is nothing, Mr
+  Faulkland, so grating to a generous mind, and I think I may venture
+  to assert that _mine_ is one, as to live in a state of dependence,
+  and, at the same time, owe that very dependence to a vice that you
+  disdain.
+
+  I was delighted to find that she had got into this strain; it was
+  the thing I wished, but durst hardly hope for without abundance of
+  trouble on my part, and a dissimulation that was irksome to me. I
+  knew she had studied this speech, and got it by rote to answer her
+  own purpose; but in this, as is generally the case of designing
+  people, she overshot herself, and became the dupe to her own
+  artifice. I laid hold of the cue she gave: Oh! madam, you charm me!
+  go on, go on; now indeed you shew a generous mind: happy would it be
+  for all your sex, after having deviated from the paths of virtue, if
+  they could return to them with so good a grace, so just a sense of
+  their errors! To _you_, Sir, said she with a solemn air, I am
+  indebted for my present resolutions: I hope from this time forward
+  that my life will be irreproachable. _I_ hope so too, madam. I
+  guessed she understood these words as favouring her design: it was
+  not meet to undeceive her (a little mental reservation, you know,
+  Bidulph): she went on, little thinking she was forwarding _my_ plan,
+  when she only meant to promote her _own_. I hope Mr Arnold will be
+  as sensible of his fault as I am of _mine_, and that he will never
+  fall into the like indiscretion again. I believe there can be no
+  true happiness but between a _married_ pair, who sincerely love each
+  other.
+
+  Good! Good! thought I; sure my better genius prompts the woman to
+  speak thus. Ah! Mrs Gerrarde, how exactly do your thoughts
+  correspond with mine! How just are all your sentiments! What a true
+  relish have you for virtue! Yes, I hope with you that Mr Arnold will
+  be able to tread in your steps: it is a pity he has not your noble
+  example before him. Mrs Arnold is a good woman, and he might still
+  live with her in tolerable contentment, if he can get the better of
+  his irregular passion for you. What a noble triumph of virtuous
+  resolution would this be, if you yourself were the instrument to
+  bring this about. For Mrs Arnold's and her brother's sake, as well
+  as your own, I wish this were feasible.
+
+  I would do any thing in my power, said she (thinking she obliged me
+  by the declaration); but I know not by what means such an event can
+  be brought to pass.
+
+  I was afraid to urge the matter farther: I was within an hair's
+  breadth of gaining my point, but did not think it prudent to press
+  too forward. We'll think of it another time, said I, and groaned
+  heavily, as if my spirits were fatigued with talking. She took the
+  hint. I am afraid I have tired you; you have talked too much. I
+  answered her faintly, You are very good! She curtesied to me, and
+  retired with a majestic step. I saw her no more that day: she had
+  got upon stilts, and it was not yet time to take her down. To-morrow
+  may produce a wonder: I will wait for it. I am really weak, but
+  begin to recover my spirits.
+
+                                               _Boulogne, December 6._
+
+  Nothing is so conducive to the body's health, as the mind's being at
+  ease. I have proved the truth of this observation: my soul had been
+  racked with suspence and uncertainty during my illness; the uneasy
+  state of my mind increased my disorder; the disorder itself had
+  chiefly given rise to my apprehensions, as pain and sickness are
+  naturally accompanied with a gloominess of thought. Thus the cause
+  and its effects were united in mutual league against me, and
+  reciprocally assisted each other to plague and torment me.
+
+  My fears were intirely on Mrs Arnold's account. What, thought I,
+  would be the consequence of my project, in case of my death? Mrs
+  Gerrarde will return back to England; and, upon telling her story,
+  will be received again by Arnold; their union perhaps established as
+  firmly as before, and poor Mrs Arnold's hopes ruined for ever. Then
+  I thought what a wretch I must appear in her eyes, doubtful, may be,
+  of my sincerity as to the motives I urged to you for my conduct. On
+  the other hand, if these motives should by any means happen to be
+  suspected by Mrs Gerrarde, it might be the means of producing the
+  direct contrary effect from what I intended; and instead of
+  banishing Arnold's cruel suspicions of his lady, only serve to
+  strengthen them; for I knew Mrs Gerrarde would leave nothing unsaid
+  or undone for this horrid purpose; and it is not every one, Sir
+  George, whose hearts are enlarged enough to suppose a man may now
+  and then take a little pains from disinterested principles. This
+  last suggestion of my thoughts made me almost mad, and actually
+  brought on a delirium; and what may seem a paradox, though it is
+  literally true, the total deprivation of my senses for two days was
+  the means of my recovering them afterwards; for I am sure, had I
+  retained enough of them to have ruminated longer on this fatal
+  supposition, and my disorder had still threatened me with death,
+  I should have run mad. The care of a skilful physician recalled
+  me from the precincts of the grave; the strength of a constitution,
+  naturally good, joined to all the resolution I could muster, did the
+  rest.
+
+  The first use I made of my recovered reason, was to consult with
+  myself in what manner, or by what means, I should prevail on Mrs
+  Gerrarde to lend a helping hand to my design. Her leaving Arnold to
+  go off with me, and to all human appearance with her own consent,
+  was a material point gained; but the most important of all, and
+  without which every thing else would be fruitless, was to get her to
+  acknowlege, under her own hand, the injury she had done Mrs Arnold
+  by her vile insinuations to her husband. This was the grand object
+  of all my wishes. This, you will say, was difficult: I confess it
+  did then appear so to me. I had not at first weighed all the
+  consequences of my enterprize with that deliberation that I ought.
+  The principal object I had in view, was the separating Mrs Gerrarde
+  and Mr Arnold, and raising his indignation against her, on account
+  of the apparent infidelity on her side. To say the truth, I had not
+  considered what I was to do with her when I had her. Two things I
+  had resolved on; the one was, not to let her return to England; the
+  other, to provide for her in whatever way she would put it in my
+  power (the devoting myself to her excepted), in such a manner as
+  should leave her no room to reproach me with having injured her
+  temporal welfare.
+
+  During my illness, I had resolved all these things in my mind; the
+  last, viz. the providing for Mrs Gerrarde, was not a matter in which
+  I expected to meet many difficulties; the other appeared very
+  formidable. Several methods presented themselves, but none of them
+  pleased me, and I rejected them one after the other; and, to tell
+  you my mind honestly, I was almost resolved on using compulsion, and
+  frightening the poor woman into compliance; for I preferred even
+  this to artificial dealings. I had already used more than I could
+  have possibly brought myself to on any other occasion in the world;
+  and I think I should have threatened her with a nunnery, the
+  bastile, or even an inquisition, sooner than have failed, if she
+  herself had not beyond expectation, beyond hope, almost beyond the
+  evidence of my senses, led me as it were to request the thing of
+  her, which of all others I most despaired of her consenting to, or
+  even hearing proposed with patience. And yet, notwithstanding the
+  seeming strangeness of this, it was nothing but what was very
+  natural, and most consonant to her own designs. Blinded, and, as I
+  may say, infatuated by vanity, she imagined, that as I had taken
+  such uncommon pains to obtain her, I must love her with an uncommon
+  degree of passion; and that her steadily refusing any dishonourable
+  proposals, might induce me, rather than lose her, to make her my
+  wife.
+
+  In order to prepare me the better for this, no means were more
+  natural, than for her to assume the air of a penitent, to seem sorry
+  and ashamed of her past sins, and resolve on a virtuous course for
+  the future. At the worst, that is, if she found _I_ was not disposed
+  to be as virtuous as herself, she knew she might play an after-game;
+  and could easily relax by degrees from the severity of her chastity,
+  accordingly as I made it worth her while.
+
+  This was the master-key to her behaviour, and once I had got it,
+  which I soon did, it was easy to unlock her breast.
+
+  She came into my room the next morning without an invitation, and
+  only the previous ceremony of sending Rachael to enquire how I did,
+  and to tell me, if I were well enough to _rise_ (observe her
+  nicety), she would sit half an hour with me. I had enjoyed such
+  tranquility of heart since my last conference with her, and had
+  rested so well the preceding night, that I found myself quite
+  another thing from what I was the day before; and, excepting a
+  little weakness, I was as well as ever I was in my life. I was up
+  and dressed, and you may be sure sent a suitable answer to her kind
+  message, which soon brought the lady, sailing with an imperial port,
+  into my chamber. After some civilities past on both sides, she, by
+  way of bringing her own interests on the tapis, re-assumed the topic
+  of our yesterday's conversation.
+
+  You can't imagine, Mr Faulkland, said she, how easy I am in my
+  mind, since I have reconciled myself to the loss of Mr Arnold. I own
+  I had a regard for him; but I think it had more of gratitude than
+  love in it; for though he is an agreeable man, to say the truth, he
+  never was quite to my taste: he always had something too formal
+  about him.
+
+  I took the liberty to ask her, how she first came acquainted with Mr
+  Arnold; and, as you may not know it, I will give you the story. She
+  answered, with a profound sigh, It was by mere accident I first saw
+  him. After the death of Captain Gerrarde, which happened in a little
+  more than a year after we left Bath, for the gout, poor man, got
+  into his stomach not long after we returned home (and the crocodile
+  pretended to drop a tear), I went to London, in order to sollicit
+  for my pension. As I had formerly been a Roman Catholic, and had not
+  publickly renounced that persuasion, some difficulties arose in the
+  business; and a friend of my deceased husband, who had undertaken
+  the affair for me, happening to be an intimate of Mr Arnold's, and
+  knowing he had an influence with the secretary at war, endeavoured
+  to interest him in my favour, by representing my situation in the
+  most affecting light he could to him. He kindly undertook to
+  interfere for me, and was as good as his word; but could not
+  surmount the difficulty of the objection which was made to my claim.
+  He happened one morning, unluckily for me, to call in at my friend's
+  lodgings, to tell him of his ill success: I, impatient to know how
+  my affair went on, had dropped in to inquire about it a few minutes
+  before him, and was sitting in the dining-room when Mr Arnold
+  entered. I was in my weeds, and my melancholy looks I believe made
+  Mr Arnold conjecture I was the person for whom he had so kindly
+  concerned himself. He told my friend he was sorry to inform him,
+  that though he had used all means in his power, with regard to the
+  affair in which he had employed him, he found it was impossible to
+  effect the business; and I am the more concerned, said he, turning
+  towards me, as I am afraid this lady is to be the sufferer. My
+  relation said I was the person for whom he had been so good as to
+  intercede. I returned Mr Arnold thanks, not without tears, at the
+  uncomfortable prospect I had before me; for I had then nothing to
+  depend on, but my small jointure in Kent. I was about to take my
+  leave; but observing it rained, desired my friend to give his
+  servant leave to call me a chair. Mr Arnold very politely desired I
+  would permit him to set me down, as his chariot waited at the door.
+  I would have excused myself; but my relation said, 'Tis in his way,
+  child; and since you have no hopes of a pension, you ought to be
+  sparing of chair-hire. Mr Arnold very obligingly offered me his
+  hand, and led me to his chariot. He set me down at my lodgings, and
+  at parting desired permission to wait on me. The fatal consequence
+  of our acquaintance it was impossible for me to foresee; for I never
+  had the least hint given me, either from my own relation or Mr
+  Arnold himself, that he was a married man, till he had so far
+  secured my gratitude, by repeated acts of generosity, that it was
+  impossible for me to refuse him the return he demanded.
+
+  Too-grateful heart, said I (pretending to believe her cant), what a
+  pity thou wert not destined to reward a purer love! But I thought,
+  madam, you really had enjoyed a pension?
+
+  It was not necessary, she answered, that I should let the world
+  suppose otherwise. I was not at all known when I first came to town.
+  Mr Arnold's excessive profuseness (quiet against my inclination)
+  threw me into a more expensive way of living than before. I found
+  myself obliged to account for it, to the few acquaintance I had, by
+  all the probable means I could devise. For this purpose, I pretended
+  that I had not only obtained a pension, but had also a fortune left
+  me by the death of a relation. This was believed, as nobody troubled
+  their heads to enquire whether it was true or not.
+
+  Mr Arnold was passionately fond of the country, and always passed
+  his summers there; but as he could not think of parting with me, he
+  was sadly at a loss how to have me near him, without bringing on us
+  both the observation of an inquisitive neighbourhood (such as all
+  country places abound in), if I went down, quite a stranger as I
+  was, into Essex; particularly as he told me there were two families
+  near Arnold-abbey, who made it their business to pry into other
+  people's affairs. These were, a Lady Grimston, a censorious old
+  woman, and the parson of the parish, who was a mighty strict man, of
+  whom Mr Arnold seemed to stand in some awe. He therefore determined
+  against my going to that part of the world: but having casually
+  heard me speak of my little cottage in Kent, where poor Captain
+  Gerrarde and I had lived for two or three years, he asked me
+  whereabouts it was, and was delighted to find it joined his own
+  estate at South Park, and was within a mile of his house. He begged
+  of me to go down to my own house, which he insisted on furnishing
+  elegantly for me, and obliged me also to keep a chariot. I (tho'
+  unwillingly) found myself under a necessity of complying. About a
+  fortnight after I was settled at Ashby, Mr Arnold and his family
+  came down: then it was that, for the first time, I saw his lady. I
+  went to pay my compliments to her, as every genteel family in the
+  neighbourhood did; and I own I never saw her without feeling myself
+  shocked to death at the thoughts of the injury I did her; for I
+  really believe Mrs Arnold is a very well-meaning woman.
+
+  Oh! thou scorpion, muttered I to myself, and yet thou hast pursued
+  her to affliction and ruin!
+
+  That Mrs Arnold is a well-meaning woman, said I coldly, I have no
+  doubt; yet you see Mr Arnold's opinion of her virtue was not strong
+  enough to be proof against suspicions; for it is most certain, that,
+  if he had not given credit to your representations of his wife's
+  conduct, he would not have gone such lengths as to have parted with
+  her; for Arnold had always some regard to appearances.
+
+  _My_ representations, Sir! with a look of astonishment; pray do not
+  lay more to my charge than I deserve: what the particular reasons
+  were, which induced Mr Arnold to part with his wife, I will not say;
+  but whatever his suspicions were, they never took their rise from
+  me.
+
+  I found she intended to brazen this denial out; but as it was
+  absolutely necessary to my design to bring her to a confession of
+  this particular act of perfidy, I resolved to lead her into it in
+  such a way as should be least mortifying to her pride.
+
+  Come, come, my dear Mrs Gerrarde, said I, I know you are above
+  concealing any past failings that you are resolved to mend. I know
+  very well that it was _your_ insinuations, and your's only, that
+  kindled the fire of jealousy in Arnold's breast. Such arts are not
+  uncommon in lovers. You loved him then, and wished to have him
+  intirely to yourself; and a wife, though a forsaken one, is still
+  intitled to so much attention from her husband, as a fond mistress
+  may think robs her of too much. I know this was the case, and it is
+  natural: but were you not an unmerciful little tyrant to involve
+  _me_ in the mischief, and put it into the man's noddle, that _I_ had
+  designs upon his wife?
+
+  The easy manner in which I affected to speak of this affair, seemed
+  to reconcile her a little to the charge; but the last part of it,
+  which regarded myself, struck her all of a heap. She had no notion
+  that I knew it. She was going to speak, to deny the accusation I
+  suppose, and therefore I prevented her; and taking her by the hand,
+  Come now, said I, deal with me ingenuously; and if you persuade me
+  that you are really in earnest, and mean to repair those little
+  lapses which you have inconsiderately been led into, tell me truly,
+  did you really believe that I ever had any thoughts of an amour with
+  Mrs Arnold?
+
+  I chose to give my inquiry this turn, that she might, with less
+  shame to herself, by laying hold on the hint, acknowlege her guilt.
+  She hesitated for an answer, and I guessed she was considering
+  whether to persist in denying the whole charge against her, or avail
+  herself of the handle I had given her, and make a sort of merit of
+  her sincerity, by pretending to believe what she was thoroughly
+  convinced there was not the least foundation even to suspect, but
+  what her own wicked suggestions had encouraged in the unfortunate
+  Arnold. Her silence, thus rightly interpreted by me, made me go on:
+  You see I know all your secrets; and you are not the woman I take
+  you for, if you conceal your real sentiments in this particular:
+  more of my quiet depends on it than you are aware of, and I withdrew
+  my hand from her's with a serious and almost resenting air.
+
+  She appeared disturbed, and in a good deal of confusion; but
+  recovering herself, Why really, Mr Faulkland, I can't say but I
+  _had_ some suspicion of what you mention. I was no stranger to your
+  fondness for Mrs Arnold before she was married, and there was
+  nothing very surprising in a disappointed lover's renewing his
+  hopes, when he thought the neglect which a lady met with from her
+  husband, might incline her to be less obdurate to a man she was once
+  known to favour so much.
+
+  This was enough: I did not think it by any means necessary to press
+  her to a farther explanation; what she said was a sufficient
+  acknowlegement of her fault, though the cunning sorceress had turned
+  the hint (which I had thrown out on purpose) to her own advantage;
+  and had the affrontery to avow an opinion which had never before
+  entered into her imagination.
+
+  I found it necessary now to carry on the farce, by assuring her, I
+  had never entertained a thought to Mrs Arnold's dishonour; and that
+  though I made no great scruple of robbing a man of his mistress, yet
+  I thought it a crime of the blackest dye to deprive him of the
+  affection or fidelity of his wife.
+
+  The serious manner in which I spoke this a little disconcerted Mrs
+  Gerrarde. Well, said she, I can only say, that I am very sorry I
+  entertained so false a suspicion; and more so, as it has produced
+  such unhappy consequences: but I hope Mr Faulkland will not believe
+  that I meant _him_ any injury?
+
+  That I am sure you did not, said I; and yet this very affair has
+  given me more uneasiness than you can imagine; for as Mrs Arnold's
+  brother is my most particular friend, he must think me the greatest
+  of villains, if I could entertain a thought of dishonouring his
+  family: the fear of losing his friendship, I own, gives me more pain
+  than I can express, and there is nothing I would not do to
+  exculpate myself to him.
+
+  I am very unfortunate, cried Mrs Gerrarde (pretending to wipe her
+  eyes), to have been the occasion of so much uneasiness in any-body's
+  family. I wish I had died before I was so unhappy as to meet with Mr
+  Arnold: if it had not been for him, I might now have been an
+  innocent and a contented woman; and she _really_ squeezed out a
+  tear, though not of contrition.
+
+  Dear madam (again taking her hand), do not afflict yourself for what
+  is past recalling; contentment, nay happiness, I hope, is yet within
+  your reach; it will be your own fault if you do not lay hold of it:
+  as for the unhappy family that _I_, as well as _you_, have
+  contributed to distress, I wish from my heart there could be a
+  reunion amongst them. Mr Arnold's having lost you might perhaps
+  incline him to turn his thoughts towards his wife, if he were not
+  prejudiced against her by the suspicions he has entertained of her
+  virtue. This I am afraid will be an insuperable bar to their ever
+  living together, unless your influence, which first gave birth to
+  his jealousy, is still forcible enough to remove it.
+
+  I wish it were in my power, said Mrs Gerrarde; there is nothing I
+  would not do to effect it: but what influence can I have on Mr
+  Arnold, after what has happened?
+
+  Suppose you were to write to him, said I: you and he probably may
+  never meet again; and it would be an effort worthy indeed of a noble
+  mind, to repair the wrongs we have done to others, by a candid
+  acknowlegement of our own faults. Putting Mrs Arnold out of the
+  question, 'tis a reparation you owe _my_ character; for however
+  light the world may make of a piece of gallantry with a married
+  woman, it is a matter of serious moment to me to acquit myself of
+  the supposed crime to Sir George Bidulph.
+
+  If you think, said she, that my writing to Mr Arnold could produce
+  such good effects, I am ready to do it; though I confess I hardly
+  know how to address him; for he must, to be sure, look upon me as
+  the very reverse of what I _really_ am, and thinks me without
+  dispute an ungrateful woman.
+
+  We can but try, said I: if it does not produce the desired effect,
+  it will not be your fault; and you will have the satisfaction to
+  reflect, that you have done your duty. I stepped to my escruitore
+  while I was speaking; and resolving not to give her time to cool,
+  took out pen, ink, and paper, and laid them on a little
+  writing-table before her. If this unlucky breach, said I, were once
+  made up, my mind would then be easy.
+
+  She took the pen in her hand, but seemed irresolute, and at a loss
+  how to begin. Come, madam, said I, and confute, by your own example,
+  the received erroneous opinion, that if a woman once strays from the
+  paths of virtue, she never returns to them.
+
+  A false and ill-grounded opinion indeed, said she, lifting up her
+  prophane eyes as in penitence. What am I to say?
+
+  [You are to observe, that my notes, as she went along while I
+  dictated, are put between hooks.]
+
+  [Begin] 'Dear Sir' [for I would neither be too familiar nor too
+  cold], 'The terms on which you and I have lived, intitles you to an
+  explanation of my reasons for leaving you so abruptly; and I hope
+  the generosity of my motive will incline you to overlook the seeming
+  unkindness of the action.' [This you may assure yourself it will,
+  when he comes to consider coolly]. 'The unhappiness that I
+  occasioned in your family, by causing the separation of you and your
+  wife, has, for a long time, been a thorn in my heart; and the more
+  so, as besides the robbing her of your affections, I own, and take
+  shame to myself in the confession' [how noble must he think this
+  confession!], 'that those aspersions, which I threw on her, had not
+  the least foundation in truth.' [This is truly great]. 'I always
+  believed her perfectly innocent; but, if I could have had the least
+  possible doubt of it before, I must now be confirmed in that opinion
+  by Mr Faulkland, who can have no reason for excusing or concealing
+  facts of this nature from me at present.' [Here she added of
+  herself, repeating it first aloud to me], 'and I think the
+  preference he has given me to her, now in her state of separation,
+  is a convincing proof of this.' [An admirable argument] (her vanity
+  would not let her slip this observation). [Proceed, madam]. 'The
+  true reasons of my insinuations against her, were no other than that
+  I could not bear to share your affections with any-body' [and a very
+  sufficient reason too, which a man that loves can easily forgive].
+  'I knew, that so long as she gave you no cause of complaint, you
+  were too just to withdraw your whole heart from her, and nothing
+  _but_ the whole would content me.' [Still you see you shew a great
+  mind]. True, said she, going on; but my reason for leaving him
+  without apprizing him of it, what are we to say for that? [Oh!
+  nothing more _easy_ to execute: he will admire you the more for the
+  reason _I_ shall give. Come]. 'My departing without first making you
+  acquainted with my design, and going off with another person, may,
+  at first sight, seem very strange; but, to tell you the real state
+  of my heart, I found I could not trust to its firmness on the
+  subject of parting with you. I loved you so, that it was with pain
+  and grief I made the resolution; and I knew too well, that had you
+  used any arguments, which to be sure you would have done, to
+  dissuade me, I, like an easy fool, would have given up all my good
+  designs.' [I am only afraid this will make him love you more than
+  ever]. (She smiled as she continued to write). 'As for the other
+  article'--(This I was more puzzled to excuse than the first; but,
+  putting on a bold face, I said, Madam, I hope you will not condemn
+  me here, while you excuse yourself: the saying you were _run away_
+  with, will knock all the rest on the head, and he may chuse whether
+  he will believe that you really intended to break off with him or
+  not; therefore that particular had better not be touched upon. Well,
+  said she, get me out of this scrape as cleverly as you have brought
+  me into it. Fear not, said I; go on). 'As for the other article,
+  though I shall never love Mr Faulkland as I have done you, yet in
+  him I have found a protector; and through his means, I hope to pass
+  the remainder of my life, in a manner more suitable to a woman of a
+  generous way of thinking, than that wherein she considered herself
+  as encroaching on the rights of another. I hope, by this sacrifice
+  which I have made of my love to a more heroic principle, that I
+  shall expiate my former offence; and that you will follow my example
+  so far as to make what reparation you can to the woman we have both
+  injured.' [How this must raise, how exalt you in his opinion! I
+  think it must, cried she, bridling up her head, as if they were
+  really her own sentiments].
+
+  I believe, said I, this is all that is necessary to be said: you may
+  add, in a postscript, that, as he furnished the house for you at
+  Ashby, every thing in it is at his service; together with your
+  chariot and horses, which were also his gifts.
+
+  She demurred to this; and in the midst of her heroics, said, I wish
+  I could get somebody to sell them for me privately, and remit the
+  money to me; for, since I _am_ here, I should like to see a little
+  more of France before I return.
+
+  I told her that would look mean, and below a _great mind_. Well,
+  said she, let them go. I owe all my servants a year's wages, and
+  another person about fifty pounds for a little temple he had just
+  built in my garden, but not quite finished when I came away. I think
+  I had better desire those debts to be discharged: I have always been
+  very punctual in my dealings, and would not for the world _wrong_
+  anybody.
+
+  You are in the right, said I: it will look honourable in you to
+  desire those debts to be paid.
+
+  She now proceeded to conclude her letter in the same stile she had
+  begun it, and added a postscript to the purport I mentioned. I
+  hastened to make her seal it up, and direct it to Mr Arnold, at his
+  house in London, who, I suppose, has had the pleasure of receiving
+  it before now; for I dispatched it off directly. I flatter myself
+  with the hope that it will have the desired effect on him.
+
+  You will think perhaps, that, as I have managed it, I have really
+  given her a sort of merit with him in the acknowlegement of her
+  fault, and the pretended reason she gives for leaving him. No such
+  thing, Sir George. Arnold is a man of too much sense, and knows the
+  world too well, to be so deceived. I have been told by my Lord
+  V----, knows him perfectly, that nobody judges better when he is not
+  blinded by his passions. All her professions must go for nothing
+  when _facts_ are against her. 'Tis plain she went off with another
+  man, and to all appearances premeditately, as her maid and her
+  riches bore her company. 'Tis also plain, by her own confession,
+  that this man stands well with her. As for her recanting her
+  injurious aspersions on poor Mrs Arnold, 'tis the only circumstance
+  in her letter likely to gain belief, as she could have no temptation
+  to that but real compunction, with which people of that kind are
+  sometimes visited; and for the rest of her letter, to any one of
+  common understanding, that lays circumstances together, it will
+  appear, as I intended it should, the contrivance of an artful jilt,
+  who, having almost ruined the wretch she has had in her power, would
+  afterwards make a _merit_ of deserting him; for they must be
+  hardened reprobates indeed, that would not, if they could, at least
+  _try_ to palliate their evil deeds. This is the light I expect
+  Arnold will consider her in. I know he is hurt deeply in his fortune
+  by this vile harpy. I hope the remnant may be sufficient to support
+  your excellent sister, if not in affluence, at least with comfort,
+  should she regain her influence over him, and submit to live with
+  him again. This, I am sure, will be the consequence, if he is not
+  blind to his own happiness.
+
+  I shall be impatient to know how the letter operates on him; but
+  this you are not likely to be let into; and perhaps his pride may
+  make him endeavour to conceal it from every-body. My Lord V----, I
+  am sure, will pick up some intelligence, and send it to me.
+
+  I think Mrs Gerrarde's confession, in regard to Mrs Arnold (to which
+  she could have no interested motive), with the corroborating
+  circumstance of _my_ going off with her at a time when Mrs Arnold
+  was from under her husband's protection, injured by him in the
+  tenderest point, and aspersed by a barbarous and invidious world;
+  all this, I say, must surely clear from all suspicion that admirable
+  creature: for who, that knows Mrs Arnold, would think that any man
+  (except her husband) would prefer any woman upon earth to her? If
+  this does not remove all doubt of her conduct in Arnold, as well as
+  in the rest of the world, my pains have been to little purpose; and
+  I know no other human means that can be used to disabuse the mad
+  credulity of that man. I pity him from my heart in his present
+  situation; for it will be some time before he will be sensible of
+  the good I have done him; and, I dare swear, the man is at this time
+  so ungrateful, that, if he could, he would cut my throat. I do not
+  want to have him know the extent of his obligation to me: I shall be
+  satisfied to sit down in the contemplation of my meritorious
+  actions, without enjoying the fame of them. This greatness of mind I
+  learnt of Mrs Gerrarde. But to return:
+
+  The having gained my material point put me into such spirits, that I
+  could have kissed Mrs Gerrarde; a liberty which, I assure you,
+  however I never presumed to take. She, for her part, seemed as well
+  pleased with what she had done as I was. I praised her for the part
+  she had acted, though I very much feared she would repent of it when
+  we came to explanations, which I resolved should be on that very
+  day. I told her, I hoped she would oblige me with her company at
+  dinner. She consented with a bow. I had ordered one to be got ready
+  earlier than usual, and directed that it should be in her apartment.
+  We were told it was on table. I never saw Mrs Gerrarde so agreeable
+  as she was during dinner; she was in high spirits and good-humour: I
+  almost thought it a pity to let her down that day; but I considered
+  the longer her expectations were kept up, the greater would be her
+  disappointment; and, out of pure charity, I determined to put her
+  out of doubt.
+
+  I had been told Mrs Gerrarde was no enemy to a chearful glass; but
+  the designs she had formed upon me put her on her guard, and I
+  observed she drank nothing but wine and water, made very small.
+  This, I was afraid, would not be sufficient to keep up her courage
+  under what I intended to say to her. I pretended to be disposed to
+  drink, and insisted on her helping me out with a flask of burgundy.
+  With affected coyness she suffered me to fill her glass; the second
+  offer I made, her resistance was less; the third she made no
+  objection to at all; and the fourth she filled for herself. The
+  wine was excellent; not that poor sort which is commonly drunk in
+  France. In short, we finished our bottle. I thought her now a match
+  for what I had to say. I had made the glass pass briskly, and had
+  filled up the intervals with singing catches, and rattling on any
+  subject that came into my head.
+
+  Mrs Gerrarde, who no doubt expected I should make an advance of some
+  kind or other, seemed to grow a little out of humour at my levity. I
+  found the burgundy had been quite thrown away upon her, and had had
+  very little effect: she was silent for a few minutes, and seemed to
+  be considering of something: at last she opened, and I will give you
+  the conversation that passed between us, by way of dialogue.
+
+  _Mrs G_ Mr Faulkland, it is time that you and I should understand
+  one another's meaning a little better than we do at present: you
+  know very well that you have put an end to all my expectations in
+  England: indeed, if I were at liberty, I could not have the face to
+  return there again in any character but that of your wife. (I was
+  glad she began first, and that, though I guessed at her views, she
+  had used so little caution in discovering them, as it at once roused
+  in me an indignation which I could not suppress, and without which I
+  could not have brought myself to mortify her as she deserved).
+
+  _Mr F_ My _wife_, madam! (stopping her at that tremendous word) be
+  pleased to tell me if I heard you right?
+
+  _Mrs G_ Yes, Sir, it was as your wife I said: if you think you and I
+  are to live together on any other terms, you will find yourself
+  exceedingly mistaken. (I smiled, and suffered her to go on). I
+  thought, Sir (stifling the anger that I saw rising), that the words
+  which you yourself dictated in the letter which I just now wrote,
+  where you say, _I had in you found a protector, and one by whose
+  means I should be able to pass the rest of my life in a manner more
+  suitable to a woman of a generous way of thinking, than that wherein
+  she considered herself as incroaching on the rights of
+  another_--Were not these your own words, Sir?
+
+  _Mr F_ They were, Madam. (To say the truth, there was something
+  equivocal in the paragraph, though, when I desired her to write it,
+  this construction never entered into my head).
+
+  _Mrs G_ Then, Sir, how am I to understand them?
+
+  _Mr F_ I protest, Madam, you have forced a construction that I never
+  once so much as dreamed of.
+
+  _Mrs G_ Why, Mr Faulkland (with a very brisk tone), do you fancy
+  that by changing Mr Arnold for _you_ on any other conditions, that I
+  am such a mighty gainer by the bargain?
+
+  _Mr F_ Why really, Madam, if that _were_ to be the case, I don't
+  think you would be a very great loser: you have got as much from
+  poor Arnold as you could expect: I am able to do better for you;
+  and, as I am nobody's property, it would certainly, in _that_
+  respect, be rather a more eligible course.
+
+  _Mrs G_ Sir, you use me very ill! I did not expect such treatment.
+
+  _Mr F_ How, pray Madam? Did I ever say I would marry you?
+
+  _Mrs G_ No, Sir; but your behaviour has given me room to suppose
+  that such a thing was in your thoughts.
+
+  _Mr F_ Are you not then the more obliged to me for treating you with
+  such respect as made you fancy so?
+
+  _Mrs G_ Respect! respect (muttering between her teeth), Mr
+  Faulkland! (and she stood up) there is not a man in England but
+  yourself, after what I have declared, that would refuse making me
+  his wife.
+
+  _Mr F_ What have you declared, Mrs Gerrarde?
+
+  _Mrs G_ Why, have I not ingenuously owned my failings, shewed myself
+  sorry for them, quitted them, and made all the reparation in my
+  power?
+
+  (I was amazed to see how audaciously she had adopted as her own, the
+  sentiments which I had suggested to her: it was so like her, that I
+  could have laughed in her face).
+
+  _Mr F_ Your behaviour, on this occasion, has really been worthy of
+  the imitation of all your own sex, and the praise of ours: for a
+  woman _voluntarily_ to quit an irregular life, and that too from
+  mere motives of _conscience_--(I was stopped by a knavish sneer,
+  which I could not subdue. She saw it, and fired immediately; but
+  strutted about the room to cool herself: at last, for I sat very
+  silent, looking at her, and playing with one of the glasses)--
+
+  _Mrs G_ Mr Faulkland, if you are disposed to have done trifling, and
+  will vouchsafe me a serious answer, pray tell me, Are you absolutely
+  determined not to marry me?
+
+  _Mr F_ Absolutely.
+
+  _Mrs G_ You are not serious, sure!
+
+  _Mr F_ My dear creature, why sure _thou_ canst not be serious in
+  asking me the question!
+
+  _Mrs G_ Sir, I _am_ serious, and expect a serious answer.
+
+  _Mr F_ Why then,--seriously, I have no more thoughts of marrying
+  thee, than I have of marrying the first sultana in the grand
+  seignior's seraglio.
+
+  _Mrs G_ Very well, Sir; very well; I am answered; (and she walked
+  quicker about the room than before).
+
+  We were both silent. She, I suppose, expected that I should propose
+  other terms, and a settlement; and waited, to try if I would speak.
+  I had a mind to teaze her a little, and hummed a tune.
+
+  _Mrs G_ (Advancing to me, and making a low curt'sey, with a most
+  scornful and sarcastical air) May I presume to enquire what your
+  mightiness's pleasure is in regard to me? Do you intend to keep me
+  for your nurse against your next illness, or to send me to the grand
+  seignior's seraglio to wait upon the first sultana?
+
+  _Mr F_ Neither (carelessly, and looking another way). I have not yet
+  determined which way I shall dispose of you.
+
+  _Mrs G_ _Dispose_ of me! _dispose_ of me! why sure the man has lost
+  his senses!
+
+  _Mr F_ Look you, Mrs Gerrarde; we will no longer play at
+  cross-purposes: sit down, and be calm for a few minutes, till you
+  hear what I have to say.
+
+  (She did so, with a kind of impatience in her looks, that informed
+  me I might have made a very free proposal, without any great danger
+  of her resentment).
+
+  _Mr F_ How long have you and I been acquainted?
+
+  _Mrs G_ Lord! what is that question to the purpose?
+
+  _Mr F_ 'Tis only in order to my desiring you would look back, and,
+  upon recollection, ask yourself, if you ever had any reason to look
+  upon me as your lover.
+
+  _Mrs G_ I made that observation to you when we were travelling
+  together: what is the use of it now?
+
+  _Mr F_ Did I, in the course of our journey, declare myself to be
+  such, or drop the least hint of devoting myself to you on any
+  condition?
+
+  _Mrs G_ We did not talk on the subject at all.
+
+  _Mr F_ Did I ever presume, on the advantage of having you in my
+  power, to venture on the smallest liberty with you; or ever deviate
+  from that respect in my behaviour, that I was used, at all other
+  times, to treat you with?
+
+  _Mrs G_ I do not say you did; and it was that very behaviour that
+  inclined me to imagine you had other thoughts than those I find you
+  have.
+
+  _Mr F_ You drew a wrong conclusion, though it is to be confessed
+  not a very unnatural one. Such a behaviour might have been so
+  construed by a lady otherwise circumstanced than you were; but I
+  think a woman of your sagacity might have concluded, that, with Mrs
+  Gerrarde, a man would first have tried his fortune upon gentler
+  terms than those of matrimony.
+
+  _Mrs G_ Well, well (peevishly); I do not understand your riddles: to
+  the point.
+
+  _Mr F_ Why, the point, in short, is this; that, without any
+  particular designs on your person, my whole view, in carrying you
+  out of England, was to break off your intercourse with Mr Arnold.
+
+  (She seemed thunder-struck; but recovering herself, And is _this_
+  what I am to hear calmly? And she flounced off the chair to the
+  other end of the room.
+
+  I followed her; and, taking her hand, begged she would sit down
+  again, and hear me out. I drew her to a chair, and gently set her
+  down in it).
+
+  _Mr F_ Now, for your own sake, hear me with patience; violence or
+  perverseness will be of no use to you.
+
+  _Mrs G_ Very well, Sir; I am your prisoner; your _slave_ at present:
+  say what you please; 'tis _your_ turn _now_.
+
+  _Mr F_ Well then, Madam, as I said before, I really never had any
+  designs upon you merely on your own account. I allow you to be a
+  very fine woman, and capable of inspiring love in any man that sees
+  you; but I must tell you plainly, that _love_ has had no share in my
+  conduct. (I saw stifled rage in her face; but I proceeded). I have
+  already told you the real motive of my carrying you off: it was, as
+  I said, to dissolve the union between you and Mr Arnold, and my
+  reasons for wishing to do so are these: Mr Arnold is married to one
+  of the best women living, for whom I have the highest respect and
+  esteem, and whom I once adored: That lady has, by your influence
+  over her husband, not only been thrown out from his heart, but even
+  thrust out from his house. But the calamity stops not there; she is
+  cruelly aspersed by the world through your suggestions, and I am the
+  person pointed at for the injurer of Mr Arnold's honour, and the
+  destroyer of his wife's innocence. You have brought shame and grief
+  into a worthy family. Lady Bidulph (an excellent woman) has not been
+  able to overcome the shock of the barbarous treatment her daughter
+  has met with. Her brother, the beloved friend of my heart, suffers
+  equal distress; for, though he is conscious of his sister's
+  innocence, he feels the wounds that her reputation has received;
+  nor can he possibly redress the mischief, as his sister's injuries
+  spring from a cause which her delicacy will not permit to be
+  scrutinized. Her two poor children are left without a mother; she
+  herself almost without a friend, and sinking every day under the
+  weight of such complicated misery. As for Mr Arnold himself, I
+  profess no personal regard for him: I scarce know him; but, for his
+  family's sake, I would, on any _other_ occasion, risque my life to
+  save him from ruin; for ruin you have almost brought on him. I am no
+  stranger to the sums he has lavished on you; his purchasing an
+  employment for _one_ of your brothers, and redeeming another from a
+  prison. You have lost nothing by my proceedings but what I shall
+  make up ten-fold to you, if you behave so as to deserve my kindness.
+  I have now laid before you the true reasons for my conduct. I hope,
+  that by breaking the inchantment that tied Mr Arnold's heart, and
+  blinded his understanding, he may be induced to do justice to his
+  injured lady and her family. If this comes to pass, as I have strong
+  reason to hope, I have no doubt of the lady's character being
+  retrieved. _Groundless_ calumnies generally die of themselves,
+  unless industriously kept alive by malice. Mrs Arnold's blameless
+  conduct, the friendship her brother has all along continued to
+  favour me with, joined to this last apparent proof of my attachment
+  to you, will, I am certain, in the eyes of the world, acquit her of
+  all suspicion of guilt. Your letter to Mr Arnold will, as far as
+  relates to your own opinion of her, give unquestionable evidence of
+  her innocence.
+
+  Now, Mrs Gerrarde, lay your hand on your heart, and answer me if I
+  have not given you reasons, which, though they may not be
+  satisfactory to you, are in themselves of weight sufficient to
+  justify my conduct.
+
+  I had watched her countenance narrowly during my discourse, which
+  she had listened to without once looking at me. I saw I had shocked
+  and even confounded her; but I saw no remorse, no contrition in her
+  looks. All artifice was now at an end, and she unmasked the fiend
+  directly. She started off her chair with the looks and gesture of a
+  fury; and fixing her eyes (which had really something diabolical in
+  them at that instant) steadily on me, You wretch! she cried, with a
+  voice answerable to her looks, you are such a false, dissembling,
+  mean-spirited reptile, that if you had a kingdom to offer me, and
+  would lay yourself at my feet to beg my acceptance of you, I would
+  trample on you like dirt! and she stamped on the floor with the air
+  of an amazon. Do you think you shall carry on this fine-contrived
+  enterprize? No, if I perish for it, I will have vengeance: Mr Arnold
+  shall know how I have been deceived and betrayed, and I will at
+  least have the satisfaction of getting your life, if I lose every
+  thing besides.
+
+  A burst of malignant tears now gushed from her eyes; but she robbed
+  them of their efficacy, by mixing with them the bitterest
+  imprecations against me. She curst even the innocent Mrs Arnold,
+  you, and the whole family; and her own folly, in being blinded by
+  the arts of such a worthless milk-sop as myself.
+
+  I let her give vent to her passion, calmly walking about the room
+  all the time; only now and then casting an eye on her, for fear she
+  should have rushed on me with a penknife; for I have not the least
+  doubt, if she had had such an instrument about her, she would have
+  made an attempt that might have given a very tragical turn to my
+  adventures.
+
+  When she had done sobbing, I addressed her in a very stern voice;
+  for I found I had no baby to deal with, and therefore resolved to
+  frighten her into submission.
+
+  I told you before, Madam, that violence would be of no use to you:
+  your menaces I laugh at; you are in my power intirely, and
+  absolutely at my disposal: to think of getting out of my hands would
+  be vain; for it is as impracticable as flying. No mortal knows where
+  you are but the people of this house, who are strangers to your name
+  and circumstances; and if they knew both, they are so totally at my
+  devotion, that it would not avail you. I shall cut off all
+  possibility of a correspondence to England. What then must be your
+  resource? I am prepared against all events; and I would carry you
+  about locked up in an iron cage, like the Turkish tyrant, till I had
+  subdued that termagant spirit, sooner than you should have your
+  liberty to do more mischief. If you have any regard to your own
+  interest, you will endeavour to make me your friend: I have the
+  power and the will to serve you; I have done you no injury; I said I
+  would be your protector; and so I will, if you will suffer me to be
+  so. I said I would be the means of your passing your days in a state
+  more eligible to a woman of either spirit, discretion, or a grain of
+  honour, than you have hitherto done. This I am ready to make good,
+  if you will not be wanting on your part to your own happiness. You
+  have acknowleged that you are conscious of your own errors, are
+  sorry for them, and are willing to quit them (This was turning her
+  own weapons against herself); if you are in earnest in this
+  declaration, I will give you the means of quitting them. The money
+  you have now in your possession, even with the addition of your
+  little jointure, is not sufficient to promise you such a support as
+  would make you easy, if you were to return to England to-morrow; and
+  your story known (as it would be), what could you expect? Do you
+  think Arnold could be so besotted as to receive you again? What must
+  be your resource? Why, to continue, while your beauty lasts, in a
+  wretched, abandoned course. Ten thousand to one you might never
+  light on another whose love would be prodigal enough to enrich you.
+  The only choice left you, is to stay where you are not known, and
+  where, if you behave well, you may gain the respect and esteem which
+  you could never hope for in a place where your history is known. If
+  you will content yourself with an easy fortune, joined to a life of
+  virtue and tranquillity, I will provide you with a husband that many
+  a woman in your circumstances would bless her stars for: I will
+  double the portion you have already, and get it settled on you; and
+  will, on certain conditions, add a handsome yearly income. If you do
+  not like this proposal, I have no other alternative to offer but a
+  nunnery. I know you were bred a Roman Catholic: I am sure therefore
+  I shall do no violence to your religious scruples, if you have any.
+  I can get you admitted with ease: the religious here will think it a
+  meritorious act in me, especially on the terms I shall propose; for
+  I will make it worth their while to receive and treat you as a lady
+  of the first family in France: but remember there is a final period
+  to all intercourse with this world. If you think you can bring
+  yourself to submit to such a life, I would really recommend it to
+  you; for I am sollicitous for your happiness both here and
+  hereafter: if not, you have the other choice to make; and so, Madam,
+  a husband or a convent; take which you like best: I give you three
+  days to consider of it.
+
+  I kept up a severe countenance, and a resolute tone. I rang the bell
+  as soon as I had done speaking. Rachael came in before Mrs Gerrarde
+  could answer me. Take care of your mistress, said I, and left the
+  room, without even the ceremony of a bow, or deigning to look at
+  her. I locked the chamber door, which I took care to clap after me;
+  and, putting the key in my pocket, left the lady and her maid to
+  consult at their leisure.
+
+  You know, Bidulph, I am not naturally morose; and that I am not very
+  apt to be wanting in that complaisance which all women expect, and
+  which I really think due to _almost_ all women: but this one had, in
+  the preceding scene, so intirely thrown off her sex, that I could
+  hardly consider her as a female. I had known many of her ill
+  qualities before; but those she now discovered, if they did not
+  shew her more wicked, certainly rendered her more disgustful to me
+  than the others. In short, I found that all decorum was to be laid
+  aside: I had gone too far not to put the finishing hand to my work;
+  and I had no other measures to observe, but to finish, by dint of
+  force, what I had begun by stratagem. When I mentioned the nunnery
+  to you in a former letter, it was in mere gaiety of heart: I had no
+  serious thoughts of that kind, nor did I now propose it as a
+  practicable scheme. I knew the woman too well to suppose she would
+  acquiesce; though, to confess the truth to you honestly, I think, if
+  she refuses my other plan of accommodation, I must compel her to
+  accept of this: nor ought it to be considered in any other light
+  than that of confining a wild beast, who, having already done a
+  great deal of mischief, would still do more, if left at liberty: but
+  I think I shall not be driven to this. I believe she will accept of
+  a husband with a good settlement, sooner than resign her liberty.
+
+  And now who do you think the husband is whom I have under
+  contemplation for her? Why, no less a man than my valet de chambre
+  Monsieur Pivet. He is young and handsome, of good parts, and a man
+  of birth. He tells me he has an uncle that is a marquis, and three
+  or four cousins that are in the high court of parliament. Without a
+  joke, the fellow is of a pretty good family: he was bred a mercer,
+  and in a frolic had run away from his business, when I picked him up
+  at Paris, at the time you and I were there together. He then told
+  me, that he only hired with me for an opportunity of seeing a little
+  of the world, and that he would one time or other sit down and
+  settle to his trade. I have sounded him on the point, and find him
+  very ready to accept of the lady with all her faults.
+
+  I told you I introduced him to Mrs Gerrarde, to serve as her
+  interpreter in the house, at the time I was ill. I did not then tell
+  her who he was; and both she and her maid take him for no other than
+  an acquaintance of mine, who happens to lodge in the same house with
+  us. The vain rogue has encouraged this opinion, and I suppose passes
+  for a very pretty fellow with them; for you know Pivet is a Beau,
+  and is really not ungenteel. But do not fancy that I intend to
+  impose him on the lady for any other than what he really is. All
+  disguise is now laid aside, and I shall proceed with the utmost
+  plainness and sincerity, as soon as I know the lady's mind in regard
+  to her choice.
+
+  Here, my dear Sir George, I must take breath a little: it has been a
+  busy day. I undertook a difficult voyage without the certainty of a
+  landing-place; a few storms I expected to encounter; I hope I have
+  weathered the worst, and have come at length to some prospect of an
+  harbour. I expect my next greeting to you will be from a fairer
+  shore.--Upon second thoughts, I will not send this off, till I can
+  put both you and myself out of the reach of suspence....
+
+  Congratulate me, Sir George, honour me, as the first of politicians,
+  the greatest of negotiators! Let no hero of romance compare himself
+  to me, for first making difficulties, and then extricating myself
+  out of them; let no giant pretend to equal me in the management of
+  captive beauties in inchanted castles; let no necromancer presume to
+  vie with me in skill for metamorphosing tigresses into doves, and
+  changing imperious princesses into plain country nymphs. _All_ this
+  I have brought to pass, without the assistance of enchanted sword or
+  dwarf, in the compass of a few days; but take the circumstances in
+  the order they occurred.
+
+  I left the lady, as I told you, to utter her complaints to her
+  confidante. Rachael, a simple girl, who had just sense enough to
+  regard her own interest, was not likely to give her mistress much
+  consolation; for she was at least as much _my_ friend as her's. How
+  _they_ passed the night I know not; for my own part, I slept in
+  perfect tranquillity. I desired Pivet in the morning to go and
+  inquire, as from himself, how the lady rested. Mrs Gerrarde, who was
+  still in bed, no sooner heard his voice in the outer room, as he was
+  speaking to her maid, than she called out to Monsieur Pivet, and
+  desired he would be so good as to step into her chamber. Pivet, not
+  much abashed at being admitted to a lady's _ruèlle_, obeyed her
+  summons, and placed himself in an armed chair by her. He said he
+  hoped it was not owing to illness that he saw her in bed. Yes, Sir,
+  said she, I am exceedingly ill: I have not slept the whole night,
+  and am now in a high fever. Has Mr Faulkland told you any thing in
+  relation to me? I had prepared Pivet, and he had his answers ready.
+  Madam, said he, I am not a stranger to your situation, and am
+  exceedingly sorry for it: I wish the little influence _I_ have over
+  Mr Faulkland could be employed for your service; but he is a
+  positive man, very enterprising, and not to be controlled by
+  any-body. Do you know my story, Sir, cried Mrs Gerrarde? He bowed,
+  and looked down. Mrs Gerrarde understanding this as an affirmative,
+  and raising herself up a little, cried out, A base, ungenerous man!
+  Does he intend to expose me wherever he goes? By no means, Madam,
+  answered Pivet: there is nothing in your story that would do you the
+  least injury in any-body's opinion here: the ladies in France do
+  not think it any disgrace to have lovers.
+
+  You are very obliging, Sir, she replied; and perhaps I have as much
+  to say in my vindication as any woman: but sure never was mortal
+  used in the barbarous manner I am. Do you know the proposal he had
+  the insolence to make me last night? Either to take a husband of
+  _his_ chusing (_any_ low fellow, I suppose, he thinks good enough
+  for me), or immediately to go into a nunnery. Oh! Sir, and she
+  catched hold of his hand, as you are a gentleman, if you have
+  compassion, any humanity towards an unfortunate woman, try to
+  deliver me out of his hands. I have a pretty good sum of money in my
+  possession; contrive the means of my escape; my gratitude to you
+  shall be unbounded! and she wrung his hand.
+
+  Ah! Madam, said Pivet, looking tenderly at her, I would it were in
+  my power; I should think myself but too happy if it were possible
+  for me to accomplish what you request; but I fear it will be
+  impracticable: I declare to you, if I were at my own disposal, I
+  would fly with you to the remotest part of the world; but I am a
+  young man, who have my fortune to make: I am under particular ties
+  here, and have besides such obligations to Mr Faulkland, as makes it
+  impossible for me, consistently with _honour_, to interfere in this
+  business.
+
+  Sir, said she eagerly, can't you write a letter for me, or furnish
+  me with the means of informing my friends in England of my
+  situation?
+
+  Madam, said he, before Mr Faulkland permitted me the honour of
+  seeing you, he engaged my solemn promise that I would not
+  intermeddle in your affairs.
+
+  Lord, what will become of me! What would you, Sir, advise me to do?
+  For as for that wretch (meaning me), I am determined, if I can help
+  it, not to suffer him to come near me.
+
+  'Tis a very nice point, Madam: I really do not well know how to
+  advise: but, to be sure, a nunnery is a choice not to be recommended
+  to a lady of your youth and beauty, unless your inclinations lead
+  you that way; then indeed--
+
+  She interrupted him. Don't name it to me, Sir; don't name it: I am
+  determined to keep out of _that_ snare, if it be for nothing but an
+  opportunity to be revenged on that tyrant: I would marry a beggar
+  sooner than give up that hope.
+
+  As for that, Madam, said Pivet, I suppose Mr Faulkland would not be
+  so ungenerous as to compel you to marry one beneath you: there are
+  many young men of good families who would think themselves honoured
+  by your acceptance of them: your personal accomplishments alone are
+  a sufficient recommendation; but Mr Faulkland mentioned to me the
+  additional advantage of fortune. I dare answer for him he will not
+  think of bestowing you unworthily.
+
+  I had charged Pivet not to go too far: he thought it time to break
+  off the conversation; and, rising up, he told Mrs Gerrarde he was
+  going into my apartment, and desired to know if she would honour him
+  with any commands.
+
+  Sir, said she, I shall only beg you will tell Mr Faulkland, that I
+  never _can_ think of his proposal; that I am very ill, and beg to be
+  left in quiet for a few days; but shall be very glad to see _you_
+  whenever you are at leisure.
+
+  He bowed, and left her; then came directly to me, and repeated the
+  conversation he had with her word for word. I am glad, said I, to
+  find you are so much in her good graces: it will accelerate my plot;
+  but we must not make you too cheap: if we manage discreetly, she may
+  possibly think herself very well to get off with you.
+
+  At present I stand pretty well with her, Sir, said Pivet: she does
+  not suspect that I am your servant: I fear if she did, as the lady
+  seems to have a high spirit, she would forbid me her presence.
+
+  I found Pivet had no mind to have this part of his situation
+  explained: his vanity had been highly tickled at passing upon her
+  for a gentleman, and _my_ friend.--He had, in obedience to my
+  orders, spent much of his time with her during the few days that I
+  had been too ill to see her. I had, at my first introduction of him
+  to her, cautioned him against letting her know in what capacity he
+  was with me: I did not then give him my reasons for this, and he
+  supposed they were no other, than that, finding it necessary to have
+  him pretty much with her in her confinement, I did not chuse to
+  alarm her pride by the knowlege of his station. I did not hint at my
+  design till the day before I had prevailed on her to write the
+  letter to Mr Arnold. Pivet did not at all disrelish the proposal: he
+  had not been blind to Mrs Gerrarde's charms: he only seemed
+  surprized at my being willing to part with her so soon; for he had
+  not the least conception of my reasons for carrying her off, and
+  very naturally concluded I was deeply engaged in an amour. It was
+  not difficult to guess his thoughts on this occasion.
+
+  Pivet, said I, I must premise one thing to you: I assure you there
+  is not, nor ever was, any intrigue between Mrs Gerrarde and me. I do
+  not, however, pretend to vouch for her chastity. It was no secret at
+  V---- hall that she had occasioned an unhappy breach in Mr Arnold's
+  family; and that, and that _only_ (as I have a most particular value
+  and affection for that family), was my motive to the carrying this
+  lady away. As I hope the disunion (now the cause of it is removed)
+  will no longer subsist, I find it necessary to provide for Mrs
+  Gerrarde some way or other. A good husband I would wish to bestow on
+  her. I do not yet know whether I shall be able to bring her into any
+  measures; but if she should be prevailed on to accept of you, and I
+  should make it worth your while to accept of her, can you overlook
+  the levity she has been guilty of, and resolve to use her kindly?
+
+  He promised he would make the best husband in the universe. I bid
+  him not be too sure of success, as I did not yet know Mrs Gerrarde's
+  mind, and feared I should find it hard to bring her into terms;
+  adding, that though I intended to threaten her, I should be very
+  unwilling to make use of compulsion; but if she should happen to
+  like him, without suspecting my design, I might accomplish my
+  purpose with less reluctance on her side, and much more satisfaction
+  to myself.
+
+  The conversation he had just had with her elated him highly: she had
+  made him her confidant; she had implored his assistance; she had
+  promised an _unbounded_ gratitude; she had prohibited _my_ visits,
+  and invited _his_. All this facilitated my work, and I at one time
+  thought of letting her e'en work out her fate, and run blindfold
+  into my trap; for it is plain, if Pivet had given in to it, she
+  would have marched off with him, and even married him, to get out of
+  my clutches; and then, you know, she could have blamed nobody but
+  herself for the consequences. But I resolved not to impose on the
+  gypsey any farther; but let her know what she was to expect before
+  the bargain was concluded, and at least give her her option of
+  having the power of continuing a jilt, or being canonized for a
+  saint.
+
+  I found things were now likely to take such a turn as I wished; but
+  it still required management. Pivet, said I, you must let her see
+  you no more to-day; it will make her prize your company the more:
+  keep out of the way, that you may not be seen by Rachael; and give
+  such orders in the house, as that there may be proper attendance for
+  the lady. One of my footmen spoke a little French, and he had been
+  directed to receive and communicate Mrs Rachael's orders in the
+  family.
+
+  Tho' Pivet assured me that he thought Mrs Gerrarde was not so ill as
+  she said she was, I yet thought it incumbent on me to have the
+  advice of a physician. The people with whom I lodged said I could
+  not have a better than the doctor who had attended me, as he was
+  reckoned very skilful. I told them, in the present case, I believed
+  honesty was more requisite than skill. They said he was very honest
+  too; so I desired he might be sent for.
+
+  Mrs Gerrarde, being determined to carry on the farce of sickness,
+  pretended she was not able to rise; and the doctor was introduced to
+  her bedside. As he could neither understand his patient, nor make
+  himself understood by her, I had ordered the footman, whom I
+  mentioned to you before, as knowing a little French, to wait at the
+  chamber door; for I was resolved so far to keep up my resentment and
+  my importance, as not to vouch-safe assisting at the conference;
+  which, by this means, became the most ridiculous scene you can
+  imagine. The doctor, having felt Mrs Gerrarde's pulse, proposed his
+  questions by the footman, who just peeped his nose in at the door.
+  He explained them (very ill I suppose) to Rachael in English, who
+  re-repeated them to her lady within her curtains; for she would not
+  suffer them to be drawn back. Mrs Gerrarde's answers travelled the
+  same round-about way back to the doctor, who got them mangled in
+  very bad French from his interpreter.
+
+  Mrs Gerrarde, provoked, I believe, at the doctor's visit, and very
+  much tired of his questions, asked peevishly where Monsieur Pivet
+  was? This inquiry I expected; and the fellow who told me of it, had
+  been ordered to inform her that Monsieur Pivet was not at home.
+
+  The doctor, after leaving his patient, came to me, and confirmed the
+  character I had received of him, both for skill in his profession,
+  and integrity in his practice; for he told me very honestly, that he
+  thought the lady was in perfect health. I thought the doctor
+  deserved a double fee, and accordingly gave it to him; requesting
+  him, however, to continue his visits: for I told him, that, though
+  the lady might really be very well, she was, however, a little
+  vapourish.
+
+  I left her to her reflections the whole day. Rachael inquired three
+  or four times of the footman if Mr Pivet was come in, but was always
+  answered in the negative. I was pleased at her sollicitude about
+  him.
+
+  I desired him to wait on her the next day, at the time the doctor
+  paid his visit; and instructed Pivet to ask the doctor, in her
+  presence, what he thought of her case, and to report his answer
+  fairly to her; for I was resolved not to let her imagine that she
+  imposed on me.
+
+  The doctor, by Pivet's means, discoursed with her more readily than
+  he had done the day before. Pivet asked his opinion of her disorder,
+  and the physician declared it as freely as he had done to me;
+  adding, he should not have repeated his visit, if I had not insisted
+  on it.
+
+  Pivet could not help smiling. Mrs Gerrarde observed it; for, I
+  suppose, she watched his countenance, and asked him what the doctor
+  had said. He says, Madam, what gives me a vast deal of pleasure;
+  which is, that your disorder is intirely imaginary. He is an
+  ignorant fellow, said Mrs Gerrarde; and you may tell him I desire to
+  see him no more. The poor doctor, who knew not what she said, made
+  her half a dozen scrapes, and withdrew.
+
+  She then threw back her curtain; and re-assuming the subject she had
+  been upon the day before with Pivet, asked him if he had had any
+  conversation with me about her? and what resolution I had come to?
+
+  Pivet (who had begged I would leave this conference intirely to his
+  management) seemed to hesitate a little, and appeared melancholy. We
+  have had some talk about you, Madam, said he; and Mr Faulkland tells
+  me, if you reject the nunnery scheme (which I think _he_ seems to be
+  fondest of), that he has a person in his thoughts, who, he believes,
+  will be a suitable match for you, if you are willing to accept of
+  him; if not--here he stop'd. What if I should not, Sir? Pray speak.
+  I hope, Madam, he will not carry matters to an extremity. Extremity,
+  Sir! Do you think he can be brutal enough to force me into a
+  nunnery? Are there no laws in France? I _hope_ he will not, Madam;
+  but I can't pretend to answer for him: he is a strange man: he seems
+  out of temper too: the doctor told him nothing ailed you; he
+  believes him, and spoke harshly on the occasion. And what, said she,
+  is the match that he calls _suitable_? One of his footmen perhaps,
+  or his barber?
+
+  Pivet affected to look concerned. He tells me, Madam, he has cast
+  his eyes on a young man, well born, and genteelly educated; not
+  contemptible in his personal accomplishments, and one who he is sure
+  will make you a fond and obliging husband.
+
+  Pivet sighed deeply, and cast his eyes languishingly on her. You
+  seem concerned, Sir, said she. Do you know the person? It is my
+  doubts on that occasion, Madam, that is the cause of my uneasiness.
+  Pray explain yourself, Mr Pivet. Madam, I dare not, he replied, with
+  great solemnity. I will only assure you, that whoever the person be,
+  whom Mr Faulkland has not yet named to me, I think him the happiest
+  man in the world. What can be his meaning, asked Mrs Gerrarde, for
+  telling you _so_ much, and yet concealing the person's name? He
+  says, he has not proposed it yet to the gentleman, Madam; and as,
+  he tells me, he can't in honour conceal any part of your story, he
+  is fearful--I beg your pardon, Madam; you will excuse me if I do not
+  repeat his scruples on this occasion. I understand you, Sir. He
+  supposes his friend will reject me. Some such insinuation he threw
+  out, Madam, said Pivet. I told him, that he need only permit the
+  gentleman to _see_ you; and if he then made any objection, he must
+  be the blindest and most insensible man alive. He spoke this with a
+  warmth that seemed highly pleasing to the lady. She bowed, and
+  answered, _All_ men, Sir, are not as generous as you. But what did
+  Mr Faulkland say to this? He only smiled, and said he wished his
+  friend might think as I did; that he would tell me his name another
+  time; and that, in the mean time, it would oblige him if my visits
+  to you were less frequent. Inhuman monster, said she; would he debar
+  me of the only satisfaction I have? Let me but live to get out of
+  his hands! if I can escape him by any means, I will find ways to
+  reckon with him for this. Be so good, Mr Pivet to tell him, that I
+  am content to take the person he offers, let him be who he will: I
+  shall expect nothing from him but insults; therefore shall not be
+  surprized if I see myself sacrificed to some despicable wretch: but
+  any, _any_ thing is better than to be in the power of such a tyrant!
+  Madam, answered Pivet, you need not fear the being compelled to
+  accept of an unworthy object: Mr Faulkland declares, that if you
+  should absolutely dislike the gentleman, when you see him, he will
+  be far from constraining you to take him for your husband. The other
+  choice is still open to you, and, by what I can judge, Mr Faulkland
+  seems to wish you would give that the preference. I would die first,
+  cried Mrs Gerrarde--The fool, does he think I can be so entrapped?
+  No, no; the authority of a husband, even of Faulkland's chusing,
+  cannot be such a bar to my revenge as the walls of a nunnery would
+  be.--Sir, I think myself obliged to you, and flatter myself you
+  would have served me if you could. I may yet have it in my power to
+  make you a return for your kind intentions towards me. I presume,
+  when Mr Faulkland has disposed of his property, you will then be
+  absolved of your promise to him in regard to me, and will still have
+  charity enough to befriend an unfortunate woman. She wept, and Pivet
+  owned he was ready to do so too; but constraining himself, protested
+  she should command his life; and withdrew full of seeming
+  uneasiness.
+
+  He told me what had passed between him and the lady, and I could not
+  help approving his management of the scene, though the rogue had
+  stretched beyond the truth; but stratagems, you know, are allowable
+  in love, and a lover he was now become in good earnest.
+
+  He had taken care to alarm Mrs Gerrarde's apprehensions at every
+  passage of access. He had informed her, that I had a husband for her
+  in my thoughts; and at the same time, that he avoided the most
+  distant hint of its being himself, he engaged her favour by seeming
+  to wish it _were_. Then he took care to insinuate, at least, a
+  possibility of her being refused by the person designed for her, and
+  this he very naturally supposed would raise his own consequence with
+  her, in case any suspicion should fall on him, of his being the
+  intended husband. He pretended I had taken umbrage at his visiting
+  her, still more to inflame her resentment against me, and increase
+  her impatience to deliver herself out of my hands; at the same time
+  he artfully hinted that he was not the man destined to be happy.
+  This, as he saw already he was not unacceptable to her, he thought
+  would make him doubly welcome, when she should find herself no worse
+  off. Then the nunnery was mentioned, in terrorem, with broad hints
+  of my resolution. In short, Pivet played his part so cunningly, that
+  it had all the effect he could have wished; and Mrs Gerrarde,
+  finding her spirit matched, was obliged to surrender at discretion.
+
+  I own I did not expect to have succeeded so soon; and without Pivet,
+  who had now a feeling in the affair, I certainly should not. I
+  resolved directly to make the best use of the advantage I had
+  gained. I told Pivet that he should be married the next day. He was
+  so transported at the thought, that he begged I would give him leave
+  to go to Mrs Gerrarde, to declare his love and his good fortune
+  together; for Sir, said he, you know she promises to accept of
+  whomsoever you propose, and I hope she will not dispise your choice
+  so much as she thinks she shall. Softly, softly, good Monsieur
+  Pivet, your violent hurry will spoil all. I do not mean that you
+  shall see her till to-morrow. Not till to-morrow! Ah Sir! do, I
+  beseech you, Sir, allow me; she will think it very cruel. (Poor
+  Pivet, thought I, thou wilt have enough of her). Simpleton (to him),
+  this day's suspence will forward your business more than all you
+  could say to her in seven hours: is it not enough you are sure of
+  her? We have other things now to mind. What plan of life do you
+  purpose to pursue? You know I have promised to do handsomely for
+  you.
+
+  Sir, said he, I always intended to follow the business I was bred
+  to; and if this piece of extraordinary good fortune had _not_
+  happened to me, I did purpose, tho' you have been the best of
+  masters to me, to have asked your permission to return to my
+  friends, in order to settle in my trade, as I have some capital of
+  my own. But to be sure, Sir, I shall be directed in this, as in
+  every thing else, by your will and pleasure. I approve of your
+  design intirely, said I; but there are certain conditions that must
+  be previously settled between you and me. In the first place, tell
+  me honestly, what is the capital you say you are worth.
+
+  He answered, his father had left him about eight thousand livres,
+  which were in the hands of a banker in Paris, whom he named to me,
+  and referred me to him for confirmation of the truth of what he told
+  me.
+
+  Well, said I, this will go a good way towards setting you up in your
+  own business. Where do you think of settling?
+
+  He answered, Paris was the best place for his trade.
+
+  On that I put an absolute negative; I said Paris was too much
+  frequented by my countrymen, to be a proper place for Mrs Gerrarde
+  to make her appearance in, as she was likely to meet there with more
+  of her acquaintance than might be convenient: I told him I had no
+  objection to any other large provincial town.
+
+  He said he was born at Dijon, and should like to go thither, as he
+  had many friends there.
+
+  Be it so, said I: What I purpose doing for you is this. Mrs Gerrarde
+  has eight hundred pounds of her own; I will add as much more to it,
+  for which I will give you my bond, till I can have the money
+  remitted from England; and this you shall settle on her, that she
+  may be sure of a support in case of your death, and the interest you
+  shall allow her for her own separate use, but without her knowing
+  that you are tied down to it, that you may have it in your power to
+  oblige her.
+
+  He made no reply, but acquiesced with a low bow.
+
+  I laughed at the simplicity of his countenance. Pivet, said I,
+  though I have taken care of Mrs Gerrarde's interest, I do not intend
+  to neglect yours, provided you make no demur to the terms. You
+  already know my reasons for proceeding as I have done in this
+  affair. I have great cause to apprehend Mrs Gerrarde's vindictive
+  spirit, if she should find means, which I know she will endeavour
+  at, to lay open the real state of this transaction to some people in
+  England. This might frustrate all that I have been at so much pains
+  to accomplish; be it your care then to prevent it. I cannot wish you
+  to use harsh measures with your wife; but if you have address enough
+  to prevent a correspondence with any one in England, (an elopement,
+  for both your sakes, I am not willing to suppose; though I think,
+  for some time at least, you must keep a strict eye over her) if, as
+  I said, you can prevent a correspondence, I think it will answer my
+  purpose; and that I may make it your interest to do this, I will
+  bind myself, by as strong an obligation as the law can make, to pay
+  you two hundred pounds a year English, so long as you keep your wife
+  within the bounds prescribed; provided, if, after three years, I
+  find those terms no longer necessary, they shall, if I then chuse
+  it, become void. I shall also add something to enable you to fit up
+  a house and a shop, that you need not be under a necessity of
+  breaking in upon your capital.
+
+  Pivet's gratitude overflowed at his lips for this (as he called it)
+  noble provision. He said, he made no doubt of gaining so far upon
+  Mrs Gerrarde's affections, as to be able effectually to fulfil his
+  covenant, without using violent methods; but, said he, at all
+  events, I warrant you shall hear no more of her.
+
+  Preliminaries thus adjusted, I sent for a notary of reputation, to
+  whom I gave instructions to draw up two separate articles for the
+  purposes mentioned; the latter was to be a secret between Pivet and
+  me, as it was by no means proper for Mrs Gerrarde to be let into it.
+  The other, which regarded her own particular settlement, was
+  intended for her perusal and approbation. I charged the notary to
+  use dispatch, and he promised to have both the papers ready by next
+  morning, as also the bond which I was to give Pivet for the payment
+  of eight hundred pounds.
+
+  The lawyer brought the papers according to his promise, and they
+  were signed, sealed, and delivered in due form. That which was to be
+  the private agreement between Pivet and me, was worded in
+  consequence of an article which I drew up myself, and made Pivet
+  sign; wherein I set forth particulars at large.
+
+  Pivet was very impatient to see his beloved, but a little uneasy
+  lest she should be disgusted with him, when she should come to know
+  the situation he had been in. I bid him not be discouraged, telling
+  him I should set off that circumstance of his having been my
+  gentleman (for so I chose to call him) in the most favourable light.
+  I presented him with a very elegant suit of cloaths, which I had
+  never worn, and which fitted him very well, as you know he is nearly
+  my size. You cannot imagine how handsome the fellow looked when he
+  was dressed, for he had linnen and every thing else suitable to his
+  cloaths.
+
+  I then desired him to wait on his goddess; but he, who had been so
+  eager a little before, was now quite abashed at the thoughts of
+  making his pretensions known to the lady, and intreated me to
+  present him to her. I saw he was quite disconcerted at the serious
+  scene he was going to engage in.
+
+  I pitied him, and told him I would go with him to Mrs Gerrarde; but
+  that it was proper first to prepare her a little.
+
+  He said he thought so too.
+
+  I immediately sent for Rachael, and speaking to her at the door,
+  without letting her see Pivet, I bid her tell her mistress that I
+  purposed making her a visit in half an hour, and should introduce
+  the gentleman, whom I expected she would, according to her promise,
+  receive at my hands for her husband; reserving to herself still the
+  liberty of chusing the other alternative, in case she disliked him.
+
+  Pivet shewed the sollicitude of a lover, after this message was sent
+  to his mistress; Poor dear lady, said he, how I pity her? What must
+  she suffer in this interval? But your presence, Monsieur Pivet, said
+  I, will dispel all her fears, and make her the happiest of women.
+
+  The poor fellow was out of countenance, and I dare say as anxious as
+  Mrs Gerrarde.
+
+  As I received no answer from her to my message, I construed her
+  silence as leave to attend her; and accordingly, at the appointed
+  time, I entered her apartment, leading Pivet by the hand.
+
+  She was sitting at a table, leaning her head on one of her hands;
+  she cast a look of scorn at me, and immediately withdrew her eyes,
+  not so much as deigning to glance them at Pivet, little imagining
+  that it was _he_ who accompanied me, though she knew it was her
+  intended bridegroom.
+
+  Pivet was not able to speak; he trembled, and, like a true
+  inamorato, ran to her, clapt one knee to the ground, and ventured,
+  though with great diffidence, to take one of her hands.
+
+  This action obliged the haughty fair one to vouchsafe him a glance
+  at her eye.
+
+  Her surprize, spite of her assumed airs of grandeur, was not to be
+  concealed; it was apparent, she coloured, and though she intended to
+  have been solemn and lofty, she even _stared_; and I could discover
+  a little gleam of pleasure dance over her countenance.
+
+  What! Monsieur Pivet? And then she looked at me, as if for an
+  explanation.
+
+  Yes, madam, said I, Monsieur Pivet _is_ the man. (I was going to say
+  the _happy_ man, but I did not mean to compliment her; my business
+  was to make her think I was doing her a favour). It has been your
+  good fortune to make a conquest of him; and in the hope of your
+  making him a good wife, as I am sure he will make you a good
+  husband, I have consented to the match; and I spoke this in the tone
+  of one, who thinking he has conferred a great obligation on an
+  undeserving object, expects to be thanked for it.
+
+  The woman, with all her art and assurance to boot, was quite
+  confounded. I did not give her time to recover herself, but taking
+  the settlement out of my pocket, and reading it to her, Look there,
+  madam, and see if I have injured you in the disposal of your person
+  and your fortune.
+
+  Mrs Gerrarde, always alert when her interest was in the question,
+  took the paper, and notwithstanding her confusion, read it entirely
+  over. Pivet's handsome appearance, joined to her former
+  prepossessions, had made so good an impression on her, that she
+  began to think the matter worth attending to. When she had read the
+  paper, she put it into Pivet's hands. Sir, said she, it should
+  appear by this that you have acted generously; but as I have already
+  been imposed upon by that gentleman (looking at me) all this may,
+  for ought I know, be a deceit; but as it is not in my power to make
+  terms for myself, it is to no purpose for me to make objections, or
+  to enquire any farther. I am ready to accept your offer, only I
+  should be glad to know who the man is, that I am to make my husband.
+
+  She spoke this with such an air of disdain, that the poor lover,
+  shrunk up and diminished in his own eyes, left me to make an answer.
+  Mrs Gerrarde, said I, I declare to you solemnly that there is no
+  deception in any thing which you see, nor any foul play meant to
+  you. This young man, whom I now present to you for your husband, is
+  well born, and has many genteel relations in this country; he has it
+  in his power, to my certain knowlege, to make good the settlement he
+  proposes for you, which I will take care to see properly secured.
+  That part of it which is your own property, you have now in your
+  possession, the other half I know is his. He was brought up to a
+  creditable business, which he intends to follow. I know him to be
+  good natured, and of an obliging temper. He lived with me some time,
+  and accompanied me in my travels. I suppose his having been my
+  gentleman, which station he did not accept through necessity, will
+  not be a material objection (and I smiled and affected to look very
+  proud), and I only mention it to convince you that I have no design
+  of deceiving you, or concealing any part of his character.
+
+  Pivet coloured (for I stole a side glance at him) and looked
+  sheepish. He began an aukward compliment with a bow, and 'I hope,
+  madam'--but I relieved him; and speaking to Mrs Gerrarde, You know
+  all now, madam, that can be known; therefore, if you are disposed to
+  keep your word, let us put an end to this business to-day. To-day,
+  Sir! Yes, to-day, madam. What occasion is there for farther delay?
+
+  Pivet now plucked up his courage, and begged, since she had
+  consented, that she would not defer his happiness. I told her,
+  between mirth and chiding, that I was in haste to get rid of my
+  charge, and was therefore determined to make her over to Mr Pivet
+  that evening; and telling her I would give orders about the
+  ceremony, left the lovers to make out for themselves a scheme of
+  conjugal felicity. Pivet pleaded his own cause so effectually, that,
+  in the evening, I had the satisfaction of bestowing, with my own
+  hand, that inestimable treasure of virtue and meekness, Mrs
+  Gerrarde, on my faithful Squire, Monsieur Pivet; to the no small joy
+  of the latter, and I believe, if the truth were known, to the no
+  great mortification of the former. Mrs Rachael and myself were the
+  only witnesses of this illustrious union.
+
+  When the ceremony was over, I approached, according to custom, to
+  congratulate and salute the bride; but she turned her saucy cheek to
+  me, and affected the whole night vast dignity of behaviour; yet it
+  was so foreign to her nature, that it appeared ridiculous; however
+  it was better than ranting.
+
+  I invited them both to sup with me, and treated Pivet with a
+  familiar civility that seemed to please him highly, as it did him
+  credit in the presence of his lady.
+
+  After supper, Pivet entreated me to complete the friendly and
+  generous offices I had already done him, by undertaking the
+  settlement of all money matters for him. As he knew I intended to go
+  to Paris, he begged I would receive for him the sum he had in the
+  hands of the banker, which, he said, if I would remit to him, it
+  would enable him to enter upon his business immediately. At the same
+  time he (with no ill grace) presented me my bond again, assuring me
+  he relied entirely upon my honour for the execution of my promise to
+  him, farther requesting that I would put that, together with Mrs
+  Gerrarde's money, if she approved of it, into such hands as I should
+  judge most proper for her advantage.
+
+  I was pleased at the openness of his proceedings, and promised to do
+  every thing for their mutual satisfaction; but insisted on his
+  keeping the bond, or lodging it in some proper hand, till I could
+  redeem it, by paying the money, which I should take care should be
+  speedily done. I told him, I thought the sooner he set out for his
+  own province the better. He said, he should be ready the next day,
+  if Mrs Gerrarde (for he did not yet presume to call her by his name)
+  did not object to it. He appealed to her with his looks.
+
+  She had scarce condescended to open her lips before; but now
+  answered, You may be sure, Sir, I shall not think it too soon to get
+  out of a prison.
+
+  He asked her if she chose to take her maid Rachael along with her?
+
+  Certainly, she said; I should not be fond of having a servant about
+  me, by whom I should not be understood.
+
+  Rachael was now called in, and the thing proposed to her. She seemed
+  rather inclined to return to England; but I told her, she could not,
+  in gratitude, desert her lady in a strange country; and that if she
+  had a mind to make me her friend, which she should find me upon any
+  future occasion, she would attend her home, and continue with her
+  till her mistress was willing to part with her.
+
+  The girl upon this consented to stay, and received Mrs Gerrarde's
+  orders to prepare for their departure the next day.
+
+  In the morning I made Pivet a present for his travelling charges,
+  and Rachael another; telling her, according to the account I had of
+  her behaviour, that I would be kind to her. She made me all the
+  promises that I could desire; assuring me, that it was purely to
+  oblige me that she staid with Mrs Gerrarde.
+
+  Pivet told me, that he would send the sum which his wife had, in
+  bills to me, to be appropriated in the manner agreed on: for he
+  said, that having that morning mentioned to her my generosity, in
+  relation to the bond, she had owned, that, notwithstanding her
+  resentment to me, she had no distrust of my honour in _those_
+  particulars.
+
+  I took this opportunity of telling Pivet, that when he could get his
+  wife in the humour, he might prevail on her to give an instrument,
+  impowering my steward to receive the little income of her jointure
+  at Ashby, which I would take care should be remitted to him; for,
+  trifling as it was, it might be serviceable.
+
+  When they were ready to set forward on' their journey, I begged
+  leave to speak a few words to madam Pivet by herself. She seemed not
+  inclined to the conference, but her husband very obligingly pressing
+  her not to part with me in enmity, and at the same time quitting the
+  room, she was obliged to hear me.
+
+  I then very frankly asked her pardon for the lengths I had gone;
+  telling her, that I hoped time, and her own good sense, would
+  convince her that she was more obliged to me, than her passion would
+  then give her leave to see. Remember, madam, I have kept my word
+  with you. You are now married to a very deserving young man; you
+  have a competent support during your life. Happiness is in your
+  power if you do not wilfully cast it away from you. Shew now that
+  greatness of mind of which you have so often boasted, by forgiving
+  the man, who has, as you think, injured you; and resolving at once
+  on a behaviour that shall, in your turn, intitle you, not only to
+  the forgiveness, but even to the esteem, of those whom you have
+  injured.
+
+  I would have preached on, and given her more good advice, but she
+  cut me short, with this decisive answer. Sir, I neither desire your
+  counsel nor your good opinion; Mr Pivet _may_ deserve some regard
+  from me, but _you_ I will never forgive, and she flung from me.
+
+  I called in Pivet, and telling him I was infinitely pleased at the
+  good disposition I found his lady in, I wished him all happiness and
+  a safe journey, and they set out directly for Dijon.
+
+  And now, my dear Bidulph, stop, to praise, to admire, to wonder at
+  my virtue! I, who have had one of the finest women in England in my
+  possession, for so many days (and by the way was not her aversion)
+  to yield up her (by me) unpolluted charms to the arms of another!
+  Add to this, that it has cost me more to make one woman honest, than
+  it need have done to have made half a dozen--otherwise. I had like
+  to have writ a strange ugly word, that was just at the nib of my
+  pen.
+
+  If you relate my story with the laudable partiality of a friend,
+  judiciously abolishing the context (for which you may have many
+  precedents), and neatly splicing together the useful fragments,
+  shall I not appear to posterity as great as Scipio himself? Ah! Sir
+  George, if we knew the secret springs of many of those actions which
+  dazzle us, in the histories of the renowned heroes of old, it is not
+  impossible but the wonderous page might dwindle into as
+  insignificant a tale as mine is.
+
+  Well, I thank my good genius that has led me safely through such a
+  labyrinth as I had got into. In getting rid of that woman (and not
+  disgracefully neither), I feel as if I had shaken off a great load.
+  But what a graceless baggage it is, not to thank me for my kindness.
+  I, who have been more than a father to her, in saving her first from
+  perdition, and then settling her well in the world--but there is no
+  obliging some tempers.
+
+  I shall leave this place to-morrow, for I must hasten to Paris, to
+  put every thing on a good footing for the new-married pair; and then
+  I will go and ramble I do not care whither, for another year. I
+  shall lodge at Paris, where I did before, and desire you will write
+  to me directly an account of all that passes within the circle of
+  your family. Let your sister and my lady Bidulph know in what manner
+  I have disposed of Mrs Gerrarde, but be sure you do it discreetly,
+  and take care not to mention that paultry circumstance of her
+  settlement, or any other private agreement with Pivet. I know Mrs
+  Arnold's delicacy would be hurt by the knowlege of this; therefore
+  beware of dropping the least hint of it, at your peril. Tell Lady
+  Bidulph I will pray devoutly for her daughter's happiness; if what I
+  have done will promote it, it will not a little contribute to my
+  own; tho' I begin to feel it is not to be expected in this life, at
+  least by such a hopeless wanderer as I am.
+
+  I could sit now, and indite melancholy verses, or write an elegy, or
+  make my will, or do any other splenetic thing: in short, I have a
+  good mind to turn monk and go into a monastery. I am sure I should
+  have lady Bidulph's vote for that.
+
+  Adieu, my dear Bidulph, you will not hear from me again, perhaps,
+  till I am in another region.
+
+       _Nov. 30._
+
+
+                             _December 17_
+
+What a strange man this is, my Cecilia! The more I reflect on his
+conduct, the more I am amazed! What a mixture is there in his nature!
+Wild to a romantic degree in his conceptions, yet how steady, how
+resolute, how consistent, in putting those flights of fancy into act!
+Generous he certainly is; how few men would put themselves to the
+trouble and expence that he has done, from such a disinterested, such a
+compassionate motive! Nay, on the contrary, I believe most men would be
+cruel enough to take a sort of pleasure in the vexation of a man, who
+had succeeded to the love of a mistress, once so much valued; and would
+enjoy a mean triumph in being, though without reason, the object of
+_his_ jealousy, who had cut them off from all hope.
+
+Mr Faulkland is above this. I think myself highly indebted to him,
+whether the scheme he has in so extraordinary a manner undertaken for my
+service succeeds or not. Yet do I wish from my heart, that the
+separation between Mr Arnold and Mrs Gerrarde had been brought about by
+any other means. What if Mr Arnold should ever come at the truth
+(though I think that hardly possible), might it not leave him more
+estranged from me than he is even now? or if he should, in consequence
+of this odd adventure, return to his poor banished wife, repent of his
+injurious suspicions of her, and restore her to his confidence and love,
+can he, can he ever restore to her that peace she has so long been a
+stranger to? Will no latent sparks of former unkindness ever rekindle
+and light up the fire of discord? How unwillingly do we repair the
+unprovoked injuries which we find we have done to others! Poor Mr
+Arnold; if I am so happy as to have my innocence cleared to him, how
+miserable will his own reflections make him! but if he _is_ convinced
+(which has been my daily and hourly prayers), he _shall_ not be unhappy,
+if I can make him otherwise. Oh! my dear, it is the wish, the ardent
+longing of my soul, to recover the esteem, though I lose the love, of Mr
+Arnold! for I call that Being to witness, who knows the secrets of all
+hearts, that since I have been his wife, I have never, even in thought,
+swerved from that perfect and inviolable fidelity which I vowed to him.
+What then must have been my sufferings, deprived of his love, cast out
+from his house, and branded with the dreadful name of an Adultress? For
+where is the difference between the intention and the act? To me there
+is no distinction, and the husband must be gross that makes one.
+
+My mother has suffered me to tell her the substance of Mr Faulkland's
+letters, though she would not read them. I own I was better satisfied
+that she should receive her information thus, because his light manner
+of expressing himself in many places would have given her great offence.
+Sir George did not consider this when he submitted the letters to my
+mother's as well as my perusal. Many grave animadversions did she make
+during my recital, and many times lift up her eyes in wonder at Mrs
+Gerrarde's behaviour. She often said Mr Faulkland was frantic to
+undertake such a thing, and wished he had not taken such a _terrible_
+woman in hand. When I came to that part of the account where Mrs
+Gerrarde had been prevailed on to write to Mr Arnold, I begged she would
+give me leave to read the copy of the letter to her, as I assured her
+there was nothing in it but would give her pleasure.
+
+She consented; and I read it, leaving out Mr Faulkland's apostrophes. My
+mother did not interrupt me; and finding she continued silent when I
+came to the conclusion, I looked at her, and saw tears running down her
+cheeks. Yes, my dear, my innocent child, said she, passionately throwing
+her arms round me, you _were_ wronged; God knows you were wronged; and
+He now proclaims your innocence even from the mouth of your most
+inveterate enemy. And lifting up her eyes, Thou hast turned the hearts
+of sinners to the wisdom of the just; therefore shall the righteous give
+Thee thanks. And then, God forgive that woman all her sins for this one
+act, and God forgive Mr Faulkland _his_ sins, and reward him for this
+goodness. Sure your husband will relent now; sure he will long to take
+my poor, forsaken, virtuous child (and her tears gushed as she spoke),
+to his bosom again.
+
+I could not answer her for some time; my own tears almost choaked me: at
+last I said, My dear mother, I have no doubt of Mr Arnold's returning
+kindness: he will, I hope, be convinced that I am guiltless, and we may
+yet be happy.
+
+She dried her eyes: God send, God send you may! But what has Mr
+Faulkland done with his poor penitent? I hope he will behave honourably
+to her; for this excellent parent had no doubt but that the letter,
+written by Mrs Gerrarde was, in a great measure, the result of her own
+contrition; for as I had not been minute in giving her a particular
+account of all the previous steps taken by Mr Faulkland to obtain it
+from her, she had not the least idea that Mrs Gerrarde had writ in that
+manner from any other motive than the good one which appeared obvious to
+her.
+
+I told her, that I feared Mrs Gerrarde was far from being the penitent
+she supposed her; and then acquainted her with the true reasons which
+had induced her to write in the manner she had done. I then proceeded to
+tell her of her behaviour after writing the letter, and how Mr Faulkland
+had acted in consequence of that; concluding with informing her of Mrs
+Gerrarde's being married, and provided for in a very reputable way.
+
+My mother was highly delighted at this last circumstance; for, she said,
+Mr Faulkland had no right to be the punisher of her crimes; and if he
+had not made a decent provision for her, she would never have looked
+upon him but as a dishonest person.
+
+She told me, that though she was very glad, upon the whole, that Mr
+Arnold and that bad woman were separated, yet she was nevertheless not
+quite so well satisfied with the manner of it; for I think, said she,
+that it is impossible but that a man of Mr Arnold's good sense must, one
+time or other, have been convinced of his error, and, of his own accord,
+returned to a right way of thinking.
+
+I answered, that might possibly have happened; but that he might have
+continued long enough under his infatuation intirely to ruin his family:
+and as for what regarded me in particular, I knew of no means so likely
+to remove his unjust suspicions effectually, as those which Mr Faulkland
+had taken.
+
+You are right, my dear, said she; let us hope the best. I am glad Mr
+Faulkland does not mean to return soon to England: there is but one
+event which could ever reconcile me to his doing so; and that is, in
+order to do justice to the unfortunate Miss Burchell. If he would wipe
+out that blot in his character by marrying her, I should again allow him
+to be a good man: at present, I own, I can't help being dissatisfied,
+that one, so blameable as I think him, should have laid my daughter
+under the obligations which he has done.
+
+I said it would rejoice me if he could be prevailed on to make Miss
+Burchell the reparation she mentioned; but I feared she had no advocate
+with Mr Faulkland; though I was of opinion, if he were made acquainted
+with the life of sorrow she led, as well as her reserved and modest
+behaviour, he would be inclined to favour her; especially if he were to
+see the poor little boy.
+
+My mother said, He never could expect quiet of mind, till he had wiped
+the tears from her eyes.
+
+Miss Burchell came in while we were speaking of her: my mother is always
+glad to see her. The poor girl had been exceedingly shocked at Mr
+Faulkland's carrying away her aunt. She thought this action put such an
+invincible bar between her and her hopes (almost desperate before), that
+it went near to distract her; for though there was no consanguinity in
+the case, yet the degree of relationship between her and Mrs Gerrarde,
+made her look upon this amour (for so she considered it) with the utmost
+horror. She had so often expressed her sense of it in so lively a
+manner, both to my mother and me, that had Mr Faulkland even been
+inclined to offer his hand, she could not, consistently either with
+virtue or common decency, have accepted of it.
+
+My mother, ever delighted with acts of humanity, was in haste to
+communicate the true state of the case to Miss Burchell. It was her
+interest to keep our secret; therefore I made no scruple of trusting her
+with it; especially as I knew it would so much contribute to her peace
+of mind.
+
+My mother accosted her with saying, Miss Burchell, I have something to
+tell you, that I believe will give you pleasure. The unhappy young woman
+lifted up her melancholy eyes; and, shaking her head, answered, _That_,
+I believe, Madam, is now impossible. Your aunt is married, said my
+mother, but not to Mr Faulkland; and, what is more, there has never any
+thing passed between them that need be a bar to you, if he could be
+brought to consider you as he ought. Miss Burchell looked amazed; then
+turned her eyes from my mother to me, as if for an explanation. My
+mother desired me to acquaint her with the history at large of Mr
+Faulkland's proceedings; I did so, and took care not to omit the tender
+manner in which he had mentioned her in one of his letters. She dropped
+some tears at the recital; and then, turning to my mother, My dear good
+Madam, you have snatched me from despair by this discovery: I was
+overwhelmed; I think I could not have got the better of my grief: a
+faint ray of glimmering hope is once more let in upon me. Mr Faulkland
+may _yet_ be mine without a crime; or, if he is not, I shall at least
+have the satisfaction to think him not so abandoned as he appeared to me
+an hour ago. Oh! worthy and lovely Mrs Arnold! said she, addressing
+herself to me, you see how Mr Faulkland reveres you: oh! that you would
+but engage in my behalf! _you_ can influence his heart; _you_ can guide
+his reason; _you_ are his fate!
+
+Her fine eyes, which she fixed on me, filled with persuasive eloquence,
+let me into the whole of her meaning, and conveyed more to me than it
+was in the power of words to do. I understand you, dear Madam, said I;
+and it grieves my heart to think that I cannot, must not interest myself
+for you in the manner I would most ardently undertake to do, if there
+were not such obstacles in my way as it is impossible for me to get
+over. Mr Faulkland, you see, is free from the guilt we all feared he had
+plunged himself into: he is full of remorse for the injury he did you,
+and I dare believe retains in his heart a tender sense of your merit: he
+is still free; nay, he has declared his intention of continuing so.
+These circumstances give large room for hope: your unobjectionable
+conduct, joined to paternal affection, may still bring about that
+wished-for, happy event; but this must be left to time, and the workings
+of his own heart. You know Mr Faulkland is, in his natural temper,
+impatient of restraint; he is but a very young man, and has a few of
+those levities which a little more settled age infallibly will correct,
+where a good heart and a good understanding are united. Pardon me if I
+add, that Mr Faulkland is not ungenerous, however blameable he may have
+been in regard to you. All these circumstances considered, I say, may
+warrant your indulging a hope, that he will at last be brought to make
+you the reparation, which is mine and my mother's wish as much as your
+own. Ah! Madam, said she, but Mr Faulkland is a great way from me: the
+remembrance of me is already but too much worn out; distance, time, and
+a variety of objects, must intirely efface it. _Your_ hand, the powerful
+magic of _your_ touch, would soon brighten up the colouring of those
+faint, faded traces, that he but scarcely preserves of me in his memory.
+What could not your pen, guided by a heart so tender, so sympathizing
+with the grief of others, effect on the man who considers you as a
+divinity? If he had any hopes of _you_, Madam, it would be presumption
+in me to put in my claim; but, as you cannot be my rival, be my
+advocate: do, dear angelic lady! (and she lifted up her hands to me
+fervently) write to Mr Faulkland, if you can restore him to me, what
+prayers will I not pour out for your happiness?
+
+My mother, who was greatly affected by her discourse, said to me,
+Indeed, my dear, if you could effect that, it would be a very
+meritorious work. Who knows what the high opinion Mr Faulkland has of
+you, and the great deference he pays to your judgment, may produce?
+
+I was sorry my good mother's openness of heart had made her enter so
+suddenly into Miss Burchell's sentiments: it encouraged her to renew her
+intreaties; she snatched both my mother's hands, and kissed them; she
+wanted words to thank her.
+
+I was unwilling to appear cold in Miss Burchell's interest, or to refuse
+doing what my mother seemed to approve; but the resolution I had long
+before made, never to see, or on any account whatsoever to hold the
+least correspondence with Mr Faulkland, determined me. If strict
+prudence might on so extraordinary an occasion have dispensed with this
+promise, which, as I had made it to my own heart, I thought amounted
+almost to a vow, I could not however answer it to that decorum, which I
+had, as an inviolable law, determined to guide myself by, in so critical
+a situation. And I resolved to have it in my power to say, in case Mr
+Arnold and I were ever to unite again, that I had not in the smallest
+article departed from it.
+
+I told Miss Burchell there was but one reason which could prevent me
+from complying with her request; but it was one of so much weight with
+me, that, after my informing her of it, I hoped she would be so good as
+not to urge me farther. I did, said I, upon my parting with my husband,
+make a firm resolution, not only never to see Mr Faulkland, but never to
+receive from, or write a line to him, nor in any manner whatsoever to
+keep up the least intercourse with him.
+
+I did not know but that Mr Faulkland (if he should learn the truth)
+considering himself to be (as he really was, though innocently) the
+cause of that unfortunate separation, might, either with a design of
+consoling me, or of vindicating himself from any suspicion of blame,
+have endeavoured to see me or write to me. In this I was mistaken; his
+prudence, or his respect for me, prevented him from attempting either.
+The resolution I had made, however, I thought due to my husband's
+honour, as well as my own. The same cause still subsists; the weight of
+it perhaps more in my own imagination than in reality; but if it even be
+so, indulge me, dear Madam (to my mother), and dear Miss Burchell, in
+this singularity. I have (not improbably) the happy prospect of being
+restored to Mr Arnold's esteem; let me then be able to assure him, that
+these eyes, these ears, these hands, have been as guiltless as my heart,
+and all equally estranged from Mr Faulkland. This is a declaration I
+think due to that punctilio, or, give me leave to call it, that
+delicacy, I have endeavoured to preserve in all my conduct. Mother! you
+always taught me to avoid even the shadow of reproach.
+
+Very true, my dearest, answered my mother; I believe you are in the
+right. Miss Burchell, I think my daughter cannot, conformably to that
+discretion by which she has always been governed, undertake your cause
+at present: it did not appear to me at first in the light wherein Sidney
+has now put it.
+
+Miss Burchell made no answer, but by her tears; we were both affected,
+and I wished sincerely to have had it in my power to serve her. I told
+her, if Mr Arnold and I should ever be re-united, that I would endeavour
+to draw him so far over to our party, as to obtain his permission to
+correspond with Mr Faulkland: that I was sure he would join with me in
+wishing her the reparation she hoped for; and that I would make no
+scruple of engaging warmly for her in such a case. But then, Madam, said
+she, with what face can you interest yourself for me, so long as Mr
+Arnold shall think that my aunt has been criminal with Mr Faulkland?
+That thought, said I, did not occur to me before, and is indeed a
+difficulty; for should Mr Arnold know that the elopement of Mrs Gerrarde
+was against her will, and the letter she wrote him extorted from her by
+Mr Faulkland, it might perhaps injure me as much in his opinion, as Mrs
+Gerrarde's false suggestions had done before. Those intricacies, dear
+Miss Burchell, must be left to time, which I hope may unravel them
+favourably for us all. The attempt to disclose this affair to Mr Arnold
+must not be sudden; indeed I must be well assured of his restored
+confidence and affection before I can venture upon it at all. Whenever
+that joyful event happens, assure yourself of my best endeavours to
+serve you, if I have really any influence over Mr Faulkland, and
+circumstances should so happily concur as to put it in my power to make
+use of it.
+
+Be contented, good Miss Burchell, said my mother, with this promise
+which my daughter has made you: if Mr Arnold and she should live
+together again, Mr Faulkland may probably return to England; as nothing
+I believe now keeps him abroad, but to avoid giving Mr Arnold umbrage in
+the present unhappy disunion between him and his wife.
+
+
+                             _December 18_
+
+My brother continues sullen; he seldom visits us, and when he does, the
+meeting on his part is cold. He has made himself master of many
+particulars relating to poor Mr Arnold's unhappy connection with Mrs
+Gerrarde; for since her elopement the affair has been more talked of
+than it was before, and her whole history traced out. She was the
+daughter of an innkeeper in a country town, and ran away with Captain
+Gerrarde, in his march through it, upon an acquaintance of but a few
+days. The husband, who was passionately fond of her, concealed the
+meanness of her birth, and put her off to his relations for a young lady
+of a reputable family, with whom he got a good fortune. This induced his
+sister, a widow lady, the mother of Miss Burchell, to leave at her death
+the care of the unhappy girl to captain Gerrarde. The captain, whose
+infirmities increased fast upon him a few years after his marriage, got
+leave to retire upon half-pay into the country; and he lived for the
+most part at Ashby, a little estate which he had purchased and settled
+upon his wife: it seems he had a pretty good personal fortune, which she
+had squandered, for his fondness could refuse her nothing, except living
+apart from him at London, which he could never consent to, though it was
+always her desire; but being debarred of this, she betook herself to
+such pleasures as the country afforded, and was always a leading woman
+at horse-races, assemblies, and such other amusements, as were within
+her reach; which, together with expensive treats at home, and
+card-playing (her supreme delight) left her at his death, which happened
+about five years after their marriage, in the indigent state she in her
+account of herself to Mr Faulkland acknowleges. It was then Mr Arnold
+became acquainted with her, and in the manner she represented; for my
+brother has lately fallen into the acquaintance of that very _relation_
+(as she calls him) which she mentions, a Mr Pinnick, at whose lodgings
+they first met. This gentleman, who was in reality nothing more than an
+humble servant of the lady's, though she called him cousin, the better
+to skreen a more particular connection, was so provoked at her deserting
+him in favour of Mr Arnold, whom he said he was sure she had insnared,
+that he made no scruple of telling all he knew of her. He said, she had
+two brothers, very great profligates; one of whom had been put into
+prison for forgery, and would have been hanged, had not Mr Arnold, at
+the expence of a very considerable sum, saved his life. The other, some
+very mean retainer to the law, a plausible fellow, and Mrs Gerrarde's
+great favourite, for whom she had art and influence enough to prevail on
+Mr Arnold to purchase a considerable employment. It would be endless,
+said Mr Pinnick, to tell you the variety of stratagems she made use of
+to get money out of those whom she had in her power, and who were able
+to supply her. I, for my part, was not rich enough for her, which was
+the chief reason I suppose of Mr Arnold's supplanting me; and I take it
+for granted, that those arts, which she practised on me to little
+effect, succeeded better with him. One time her poor father was in gaol,
+and his whole family would be undone, and her mother sent a begging, if
+he was not relieved from his distress, by a trifling sum; fifty pounds
+would do. Another time her sister's husband, a country shopkeeper, was
+upon the point of breaking, and would be inevitably ruined if he was not
+assisted. And then she had a formal letter to produce from her sister
+upon the melancholy occasion. These circumstances she made no scruple of
+laying open to me, as she knew I was no stranger to her origin, having
+resided for some years in the town where she formerly lived, though I
+did not then know her. Her mother was a Roman Catholick; and in order to
+have her daughter brought up in the same principles with herself, had
+her sent to a relation in Dublin, where she received her education in a
+nunnery. Though her artifices to get money from me were grown quite
+stale, I make no doubt but she practised them all over again on poor
+Arnold. She was not contented with the lodgings _I_ had placed her in,
+but obliged him to take a handsome house, elegantly furnished for her: a
+very fine chariot and horses were the next purchase; for a hired one the
+lady would not vouchsafe to sit in: and I am sure I have seen her in the
+boxes at the play, with as many jewels on her as any lady there.
+
+All these ungrateful particulars, which Sir George had received from Mr
+Pinnick, he took a sort of ill natured pleasure in repeating to my
+mother and me. Unhappy Mr Arnold, into what a gulph didst thou unwarily
+plunge thyself! Is it not amazing that this affair was even so long a
+secret? That it was so to _me_ is not strange; for it is natural to
+suppose that I must have been the last person to receive a hint of this
+nature; but that my brother should never have been informed of it is
+surprizing! 'Tis certain Mr Arnold was at first very cautious in his
+visits, making them generally at night, and even then he never was
+carried in his own chariot. I am shocked to think of the mischiefs which
+I fear he has done to his temporal affairs, for his children's sake as
+well as his own; but since he is delivered from the thraldom in which
+this woman held him, the rest, I hope, by future good management, may be
+retrieved. Would to heaven! I had nothing left me to lament, but the
+waste of his fortune. Sir George says he is sure he is deeply in debt.
+The law-suit too I hear is likely to go against us; if that is to be the
+case, it will be a blow indeed!
+
+
+                             _December 19_
+
+How miserable is a state of suspence! I am, if possible, more unhappy
+now, than when I was without hope of recovering my dear, and now more
+dear, because undone Mr Arnold. Our cause came to a final hearing many
+days ago (though I was not told it till this morning), and only prepared
+for it yesterday, and it is given against us. Mr Arnold by this stroke
+loses 900 pounds a year, besides considerable costs. Nothing now remains
+but my jointure. Into what an abyss of misery is my unfortunate husband
+plunged! Oh! that I could but see him! that I could but regain his
+confidence, that I might sooth and comfort him in his afflictions!
+
+My brother is very unkind; after telling me the fatal news, he said, he
+thought I should be much to blame if I returned to Mr Arnold, though he
+were even desirous of it. What prospect can you have with him but
+beggary? said he; for I suppose his next step will be to wheedle you out
+of your jointure, the only support you have now left for yourself and
+your children.
+
+Oh! brother, brother, said I, you have no heart! I could say no more,
+for I burst into tears.
+
+Perhaps you may not be put to the trial, answered he cruelly; but if you
+should, you are to take your own way Mrs Arnold, for my advice had never
+any weight with you or my mother.
+
+My mother replied, Sir George, you do not use either me or your sister
+well. Let her, in the name of God, follow the dictates of her duty. If
+the unfortunate Mr Arnold sees his error, can you be so unchristian as
+to endeavour at steeling his wife's heart against him? O son! this is
+not the way to obtain forgiveness of God for your own faults! Far be it
+from Sidney to reject the proffered love of a repenting husband. My dear
+(to me) don't afflict yourself; if your husband has grace, you shall
+both be as happy together as _I_ can make you. Misfortunes, said, Sir
+George, are mighty great promoters of _grace_; I don't doubt but Mr
+Arnold will repent most heartily--the having lavished away his fortune;
+and the hopes of repairing it, may give him the _grace_ to take his wife
+again.
+
+Sir George, said my mother angrily, you will oblige me if you say no
+more on the subject.
+
+I have done, Madam, said my brother, and took his leave.
+
+I had almost forgot to tell you by what means the widow Arnold carried
+her suit against us. You may remember I informed you she had at the
+beginning threatened to produce a witness, who could prove, that her
+late husband had been with her on a particular night, a very little time
+before his death. Who this witness was, had been kept an impenetrable
+secret. She did, however, produce him, when the cause came to be tried;
+and this witness proved to be Mrs Gerrarde's brother. That very brother
+whom Mr Arnold had redeemed from a gaol and peril of hanging. This man
+it seems had been very intimate with her during her husband's life-time,
+while she was in a state of separation from him: but whether he was at
+all acquainted with the late Mr Arnold, we have no other testimony than
+his own. 'Tis however most certain, that she was suspected of an
+intrigue with him, and in all human probability that child, which is to
+inherit the Arnold estate, is his.
+
+This concealed villain undoubtedly was the person who first suggested
+this vile attempt to her, and secretly abetted her in all her
+proceedings. It was after the commencement of the law suit that he was
+put into gaol, and Mr Arnold little imagined, when under Mrs Gerrarde's
+influence he obtained his liberty, that he was bestowing on this wicked
+wretch power to ruin him.
+
+I do not imagine Mrs Gerrarde was in this secret. I suppose she would
+not knowingly have contributed to beggar the man by whom she was
+supported in affluence. But be that as it will, the evidence of this
+fellow, who was bred an attorney, together with that of Mrs Arnold's
+maid, established the proof on which the issue of the whole affair
+turned.
+
+Unfortunately for us, we could find nobody capable of giving any
+testimony which could overthrow theirs: and the irregularity of the late
+Mr Arnold's life gave these evidences an appearance at least of truth.
+God forgive those people the foul play they made use of! I would not
+possess a king's revenue on the terms they now enjoy the Arnold estate.
+'Tis whispered, that the widow is supposed to be privately married to
+this attorney; she owes him a recompence; for I fear he has risqued a
+great deal to serve her. The wretch had the affrontery to acknowlege his
+obligation to Mr Arnold; and at the same time declared, that nothing but
+the justice which he owed the widow, and the orphan of his late friend,
+could have extorted a testimony from him to his prejudice.
+
+I need not tell you in what light my poor Mr Arnold looks upon this
+affair. He said to a gentleman, from whom Sir George had the account,
+that he was justly punished for having furnished such a villain with the
+means of undoing him, and execrates the memory of Mrs Gerrarde, who
+prevailed on him to do it; for he scarce knew the fellow at that time,
+having only seen him once or twice at her lodgings. But let me drop the
+mention of such wretches at once. My heart is full of impatience to hear
+something from Mr Arnold. Mrs Gerrarde's letter I fear has had no effect
+on him; he must have received it long since. What can this dreadful
+silence mean? My mother now expects the advances towards a
+reconciliation should be on _his_ side. I would I were rid of my
+suspence.
+
+
+                             _December 20_
+
+Lord and Lady V---- arrived in town last night. They sent a compliment
+to me as soon as they alighted at their house, which was not till nine
+o'clock; and this morning at the same hour I was agreeably surprized by
+a visit from my lord: surprized I say, for he is seldom out of bed so
+soon. I had him up to my dressing-room; my mother had never seen him,
+and as she was undressed did not chuse to appear. Well, my good lady,
+said he, after saluting me, have you heard any-thing from Mr Arnold
+lately? I told him I had not. I don't know whether you are apprized,
+said he, that I am in all your secrets: Mr Faulkland and I correspond,
+and I know how all matters stand. You are not made acquainted, perhaps,
+that I was aiding and abetting to a certain scheme. I told him that Mr
+Faulkland had writ my brother the whole account, and that I was sure of
+his kind participation in every thing that related to me. That you may
+depend on, said he; the thing cannot be named that I would not do to
+serve you. I understand from Mr Faulkland, that Mrs Gerrarde has writ to
+Mr Arnold: have you heard of no effects produced by that letter? I told
+him, I had never heard a word from Mr Arnold since he had received it. I
+hope it will not be long before you will, answered he: I called on you
+this morning on purpose to prepare you; for I suspect Arnold wants to be
+reconciled: he wrote to me ten days ago, conjuring me in the strongest
+terms to come to town, and to prevail on lady V---- to accompany me: he
+said he had something of the utmost consequence to consult us upon, in
+which our friendship might be of most material advice to him: he
+concluded with telling me, that the whole happiness of his life depended
+on our complying with his request. Now as this was immediately on his
+receiving Mrs Gerrarde's letter, for I had regular intelligence of the
+whole proceeding, I flatter myself that it was in consequence of that
+letter he made this request, with a design, as I hope, of getting us to
+mediate between you. As I could not just then attend his summons, having
+business at V---- hall to detain me, I wrote him word, that I should
+certainly be in town as on this day; and that lady V---- would be sure
+to accompany me. I have not heard from him since till last night, when I
+sent a message to his house to desire his company to breakfast with me
+this morning; I expect him at ten o'clock. Now I had a mind to inform
+you of this opening, which to me seems to promise very favourably for
+you. I shall not mention my having seen you, so that I can say nothing
+from you to him. I asked him, was my lady acquainted with the affair as
+it really stood? He said she was; for that she had been so exasperated
+against Mr Faulkland on his first going off with Mrs Gerrarde, whom she
+thought he had run away with upon a very different design, that he was
+very glad to undeceive her, and that she would presently have done the
+same by me, after the letter she had wrote me about that affair, but
+that he prevented her, thinking Mr Faulkland would be better pleased to
+unravel the mystery himself. He added, that she was too much my friend,
+not to enter warmly into my interests, and had been extremely impatient
+to come to town. I thanked my lord for his and his lady's friendship. He
+then asked me how our law-suit went on? I answered, it had been
+determined some days ago, and we had lost our cause. He turned pale at
+the news. Good God! what an unfortunate man your husband is, said he!
+What will become of him?
+
+He put an end to his visit immediately, telling me, that either he or
+his lady would call on me in the afternoon, to let me know the result of
+their conference with Mr Arnold.
+
+I flew to my mother, to tell her the joyful news. She offered up a
+prayer that it might turn out as my lord V---- had suggested; and said,
+she herself was of the same opinion.
+
+With a heart elated with pleasure, my dear Cecilia, I have scribbled
+over the occurrences of this morning. God grant I may be able to close
+my journal of to-day with the happy wished-for event!
+
+I never counted the clock with such impatience as I did this day,
+waiting the promised visit of lord or lady V----, and I ordered myself
+to be denied to all company but them. At one o'clock good lady V----
+came, without my lord. When I heard the rap at the door, and saw from
+the window it was her equipage, I was seized with such a trembling, that
+when lady V----, who hurried up stairs, entered the room, I was unable
+to speak, or salute her. She ran up to me, and taking me by the hand,
+affectionately embraced me. My mother was present; I made a shift to
+present her to lady V----. She then led me to a chair, and sat down by
+me. Come, my dear Mrs Arnold, said she, recover your spirits; all will
+be well. I began to apologize for giving her ladyship the trouble of
+coming to me, when it was my duty to have waited on her. Do not mention
+ceremony, said she, I was in too much haste to bring you good news, to
+think of forms. We have had Mr Arnold with us till within this half
+hour, and indeed he more deserves your pity now than your resentment.
+
+Oh! I feared it, said I, and tears started into my eyes. If you are so
+affected at the barely knowing this, said my lady, I must not tell you
+the particulars of our conversation; it will be enough for you to know,
+that your husband is convinced of the injuries he has done you, and
+desires nothing more than your forgiveness.
+
+Dear lady V----, said I, excuse me; my heart is really so softened by
+sorrow, that I cannot command my tears. But I beg that may not deter you
+from indulging me with the particulars of what passed between you and Mr
+Arnold. If I do weep, as my tears no longer proceed from grief, do not
+let them interrupt you.
+
+My mother joined in begging lady V---- to inform us of all that passed
+in that morning's interview.
+
+Lady V---- obligingly complied, and gave the following account of it.
+
+Mr Arnold came exactly at ten o'clock; my lord was just returned from
+his visit to you, and had got in but a few minutes before him. Poor Mr
+Arnold looked abashed upon seeing me; his countenance and his voice
+discovered the humiliation of his mind. After the first compliments were
+over, we sat down to breakfast; your husband drank a dish of coffee, but
+eat nothing. We were in haste, that the servants should leave
+the room, and dismissed them as soon as we could. My lord then opened
+the conversation, by saying, 'Well, Arnold, here are lady V---- and I
+come to attend your summons; now tell us what service you have to employ
+us in, for I assure you, we are both ready to do you any act of
+friendship in our power.'
+
+My lord, I thank you, said Mr Arnold; the friendship you honour me with,
+I flattered myself, some time ago, might have been serviceable to me; I
+must not now think of making use of it. When I requested the favour of
+lady V----'s presence and your's in town, I meant to intreat your
+interposition between me and Mrs Arnold. I know I have wronged her so,
+that were she any other than the woman she is, I could never hope for
+forgiveness; but from _her_ I did hope it, and thought your good offices
+might bring about a reunion. But that is all over, I neither desire nor
+wish it now.
+
+I am sorry for that, Mr Arnold, said I; I am sure nothing in this world
+besides can ever make either your lady or you happy.
+
+Do you know, madam, said he, (and the poor man really looked wildly)
+that you see an absolute beggar before you? A man without a foot of
+land, overwhelmed with debts, and who shortly will not have a house to
+shelter himself in. _I_ deserve it all, but Mrs Arnold does not. Do you
+think, that after all the wrongs I have done her, I will involve her in
+poverty too? No, lady V----, no. I am not such an abandoned wretch. All
+I desire now of your ladyship is, to tell my wife that I beg her
+forgiveness, and request she will take care of our two children; though
+the scanty pittance that her mother's scrupulous nicety retained for her
+will hardly enable her to do it; but while lady Bidulph lives, I believe
+she will not see them want.
+
+He uttered all this with so much eagerness, that we never once attempted
+to interrupt him.
+
+As I did not know then of the loss of your cause, I was surprized to
+hear him speak of his circumstances being so desperate, and really
+feared his head was turned. But my lord soon explained the matter, by
+saying, he had heard that morning of the Issue of his law-suit, yet
+still hoped, that matters were not so bad as he represented them to be.
+He then told Mr Arnold, he was extremely glad to find that his wife had
+recovered his good opinion; adding, that _he_ always had the highest
+one of your virtue. It amazes me, Mr Arnold, said I, that you ever could
+entertain a doubt of it. So it does _me_ now, madam, said Mr Arnold; but
+I have been for this year past in a dream, a horrid delirium, from which
+that vile sorceress, who brought it on me, has but just now rouzed me.
+
+I wanted to draw Mr Arnold to this point. Have you heard any thing of
+her since she left you, Sir, said I?
+
+He drew a letter out of his pocket, and without answering me, put it
+into my hands, and desired me to read it; then rose off his chair, and
+walked about the room.
+
+My lord and I read Mrs Gerrarde's letter together; we were both curious
+to see it, Mr Faulkland having mentioned it in his correspondence. Mr
+Arnold, said I, returning it to him, _without_ any such proof as this, I
+believe nobody that knows your lady would think her guilty; nor could I
+ever entertain so bad an opinion of Mr Faulkland: I have known him from
+his boyish days, and never had reason to believe him capable of a
+dishonourable action.
+
+I believe him innocent, as to _this_, answered Mr Arnold, but you cannot
+conceive the pains that were taken by that vile woman to make me think
+otherwise; neither would her retracting all she said now work so much on
+me, as other corroborating circumstances: her running away with the very
+man, of whom she raised my jealousy, after having plundered me of almost
+every thing I had to bestow, does not look like a sudden resolution: the
+scheme must have been concerted for some time, and Faulkland, I suppose,
+was _her_ paramour, at the very time she so basely slandered Mrs Arnold;
+for I am not so blind, even to the personal charms of my wife, as to
+imagine the greatest inconstant would grow tired of her in so short a
+time.
+
+Why, I must own, said my lord, that is a natural inference, which,
+joined to the perfidy and falshood of Mrs Gerrarde, puts it out of
+dispute, that she traduced Mr Faulkland and your wife, merely to gain
+her own wicked ends; one part of which I am inclined to think she
+confesses in her letter; that is to say, to have you intirely in her own
+hands, though not for the reason she there gives. Her other motive, I
+think, now plainly appears by the consequence: she thought, if you were
+jealous of your wife, you would hardly suspect _her_ with the same
+person, whose visits, to my knowlege, were pretty frequent at her house.
+Then, said I, (throwing my weight into the scale) the unobjectionable
+character of Mrs Arnold, her pious education, her modest and
+affectionate behaviour to you for so long a time, and the recluse life
+that she had led with her mother since you parted, makes the thought of
+any ill in her quite incredible.
+
+Lady V----, said your husband, impatiently, I am as conscious of it all
+as you can possibly wish me. I know I am a blind infatuated monster:
+What can you say more? Faulkland, I thank you for ridding me of such a
+pest; Oh! that you had taken her before I was so curst as to see her
+face! If you had, I should not now be the undone wretch I am! My lord,
+my lady, will you do me the favour to tell my wife and lady Bidulph, how
+contrite I am (and he laid his hand on his breast): while I had any
+thing to offer her besides repentance, I could have thrown myself at her
+feet for pardon, and conjured her to have returned to my bosom, and to
+her own deserted house, from whence my madness drove her; but I have now
+no house to bring her to, and do not desire even to see her face.
+
+His manner was so vehement, that I really feared the agitations of his
+mind might disorder his brain. My lord told him he was too desponding,
+and said, he hoped all might be yet retrieved. He then enquired into the
+particular situation of his affairs, which are, I am grieved to say it,
+very bad indeed. We were told, when we were in Kent, that a part of
+South-Park was mortgaged, but did not believe it, as we knew it was
+settled on you. Upon being asked, Mr Arnold himself acknowleged it,
+confessing at the same time, that he had been prevailed on to do this,
+in order to deliver Mrs Gerrarde's brother out of gaol, and that it was
+the other villainous brother who had transacted the affair for him. I
+find, besides this mortgage, that, with the costs of his suit, he owes
+near seven thousand pounds; to answer which, he says, he is not worth
+six-pence, his plate and the furniture of his houses in town and country
+excepted.
+
+Though I had shed many tears, whilst Lady V---- was describing Mr
+Arnold's behaviour at the beginning of her discourse, I heard this
+latter part of her account with a composed attention.
+
+Lady V---- took me by the hand: I am sorry, dear Mrs Arnold, said she,
+that I am obliged to repeat such uncomfortable tidings to you, but you
+must know all, soon or late, and it as well now as hereafter. I am sure
+your patient temper and good sense will enable you to bear up against
+misfortunes.
+
+My lord then proceeded to ask Mr Arnold, if his friends could make his
+circumstances a little easier, and Mrs Arnold would consent to live with
+him again, had he any objection to it?
+
+My lord, answered your husband, from the moment I heard of Mrs
+Gerrarde's elopement, I flattered myself with the hopes of being
+restored to my senses, and my peace, by a reunion with my wife; for I
+own to you, her innocence from that very time became evident to me, and
+it was mere shame that prevented me from making my application to lady
+Bidulph, for the purpose of a reconciliation. The receipt of Mrs
+Gerrarde's letter--(whether the wretch has _really_ felt compunction or
+whether her cruelty to me, in order to make me more unhappy, has drawn
+it from her I know not) the receipt of that letter, I say, wherein Mrs
+Arnold's innocence is so entirely cleared, convinced me, I ought not to
+delay making my wife all the reparation in my power. Though I was
+shocked to think how much I had foolishly squandered away, I was still
+in possession of an estate of nine hundred pounds a year; for though it
+was then in litigation, my lawyers amused me to the last, with a belief
+that I should carry my suit; and notwithstanding that the payment of my
+debts would lessen it, I knew, with one of her contented and gentle
+spirit, it would be sufficient to make us happy, and her jointure (which
+I hoped soon to clear) added to it, would enable us to sit down in the
+country in tolerable affluence, and I had come to a resolution to make
+it the study of my life to render Mrs Arnold happy. I know she is an
+admirable oeconomist; I resolved to imitate her, and hoped in time to
+retrieve our circumstances. These were my sentiments, my lord, when I
+wrote to you, to beg that you and my lady would come to town. I own I
+had not courage enough to make any efforts towards the so much
+wished-for reunion, without the interposition of friends, whose good
+hearts I knew would rejoice, could their endeavours bring it about, and
+whose influence over Mrs Arnold I was certain would make the
+accomplishment easy. Do me the justice, my lord, to believe, that if I
+had not thought it in my power, to have made Mrs Arnold amends for the
+injuries I have done her, this hand should have been sooner employed to
+send a bullet thro' my head, than to have endeavoured to procure your
+mediation in this affair.
+
+But as things have turned out, I would not for this earthly globe
+involve her in my ruin; nor shall her family have it to say, I sought
+their friendship when I was abandoned of every other hope.
+
+As to that point, answered my lord, I can bear you witness, that your
+first overture to me, in order to bring about a reconciliation, arrived
+before there was any likelihood of your standing in need of assistance,
+either from your wife's friends or your own; for I believe they all, as
+well as yourself, were pretty sure of your carrying your suit, which,
+if you had done, your affairs might, with a little care, have soon been,
+in a great measure, retrieved. Therefore, if they should attempt to make
+the ungenerous charge you apprehend, I can confute it, and will to all
+the world; and for the rest, we must manage as well as we can.
+
+My lord then proposed some methods to make his affairs a little more
+easy; as I am sure his friendship for Mr Arnold and you will make him
+endeavour to settle them to the best of his power.
+
+My lady V----'s politeness and generosity would not suffer her to
+mention the particulars of the methods proposed; but I have reason to
+believe, my good lord V----, will interest himself rather farther than I
+wish.
+
+When my lord and Mr Arnold, she proceeded, had talked over these matters
+for some time, in which my lord had much ado to get the better of Mr
+Arnold's obstinacy, he told him, that I should undertake to explain his
+situation to you and lady Bidulph. That he made no doubt of your
+tenderness in forgetting all that was past, and being willing to embrace
+his fortunes, let them be what they would; for, said he, I am sure Mrs
+Arnold will think herself happier with you, on three hundred pounds a
+year, than she would with twice so many thousands without you.
+
+Oh! madam, said I, interrupting her, my lord has read my very heart.
+
+My lady smiled and went on. Lady Bidulph, said my lord, is so good a
+woman, that as she must look on you in the light of a repenting sinner,
+you may be assured of her pardon and favour. That he may rest satisfied
+of, answered my mother. My income is not considerable, and I have never
+been able to lay any thing by; but if Mr Arnold can be extricated from
+his present difficulties, so as to be able to retire quietly into the
+country, I will share that little with him.
+
+My lady V----'s eyes moistened, mine were quite suffused. I assure you,
+said lady V----, it was not without abundance of arguments used by my
+lord, and downright quarrelling on my side, that Mr Arnold could be
+prevailed on to consent that any other application should be made on his
+part, than that of acquainting you with his penitence, and communicating
+his resolution, together with his motives for it, of never seeing you
+more.
+
+He says, Sir George Bidulph never was his friend; and, as he supposes
+him more now his enemy than ever, he would be sorry to be under any
+obligations to him.
+
+My mother, who never conceals her thoughts, answered directly, of that I
+believe he need not be apprehensive; Sir George is not very liberal; he
+would have persuaded his sister against returning to her husband, and I
+am sure will not be willing to contribute towards making their reunion
+happy. Besides, as he is now going to be married, he troubles himself
+with little else than his intended bride.
+
+Lady V---- seemed shocked; I was sorry my mother had spoken so freely of
+Sir George, to one who was an entire stranger both to him and her; but
+she is so good, that even her errors proceed from virtue.
+
+Well, said lady V----, we have now seen the worst side of the prospect;
+let us turn our eyes towards the pleasanter view. What do you mean to
+do, Mrs Arnold?
+
+Mean, madam, said I! To go directly to my husband.
+
+Well, well, replied she, smiling, _that_ I suppose; but how do you
+purpose to settle your little household matters?
+
+I think, said my mother, the best thing you can do, is, to go directly
+down to my house in Wiltshire. You know _that_, and the furniture are
+mine, during my life; they go to your brother afterwards. Send for your
+two children and honest Martha; dispose of your house in town, and all
+your effects here, as well as at South-park and in Essex--let the
+produce be applied to the payments of debts, as far as it will go. You
+will then have your jointure to receive, to which I will add two hundred
+pounds a year, which will enable you, by degrees, to pay off the rest of
+your debts, and I do not see why you may not live comfortably besides.
+
+Extremely well, said my lady, with Mrs Arnold's good management;
+especially as they will not have the expence of house-rent. I am sure my
+lord will willingly undertake to manage Mr Arnold's affairs in town for
+him, and I would have you both get into the country as fast as you can.
+
+I am entirely of your opinion, lady V----, said my mother. What do you
+think, child? Dear madam, I think that I am the happiest woman
+breathing. Such a parent as you, such a friend as lady V----, and such a
+husband, as I promise myself Mr Arnold will prove--How can I be
+otherwise than happy? I am ready to do, to do joyfully, whatever you
+direct. Dear lady V----, ought not I to see poor Mr Arnold immediately?
+
+Why, said lady V----, I would not have you surprize him; he is to dine
+with us to-day, and I will prepare him to receive you in the afternoon
+at my house, if you chose it.
+
+By all means, my good lady V----, I will come to your house at five
+o'clock. Well, said she, bring a few spirits with you, and do not let
+the interview soften you too much.
+
+Lady V---- then took her leave, as she said she should hardly have time
+to dress before dinner. My mother and I spent the interval between that
+time and evening, in talking of our future scheme of life. Remember, my
+dear, said she, that when I die, you lose the best part of your income,
+as my house, together with my jointure, revert to Sir George; and you
+have no great reason to expect that he will continue either to you; it
+therefore behoves you to use oeconomy, as well for the sake of
+_saving_ a little, as to accustom yourselves to _live_ upon a little. I
+would myself accompany you down to the country, but as my son's marriage
+is so near, he would have reason to take it amiss of me; and I know I
+shall have his imperious temper to battle with, on our making up matters
+between you and your husband; but I shall make myself easy, by
+reflecting that we have both acted agreeably to our duty.
+
+You never, my Cecilia, experienced such a situation as mine, and
+therefore can have no idea of what I felt, in expectation of seeing the
+person, whose presence I most ardently wished for, and yet was afraid of
+the interview. My fears were not on my account: conscious as I was of my
+innocence, I had no apprehensions on that head; but I could not bear the
+thoughts of beholding poor Mr Arnold, in the state of humiliation in
+which I supposed I should find him. I wished the first encounter of our
+eyes over; and as the appointed hour approached, my anxiety increased: I
+was faint, and seized with universal tremors. My mother did all she
+could to encourage me, and a little before five o'clock, I was put into
+a chair, and carried to Lord V----'s house.
+
+My lady met me on the stairs; I could scarce breathe. She carried me
+into her dressing-room, and made me sit down till I recovered a little;
+she was affected herself, but endeavoured to raise my spirits. I wish,
+said she, smiling, you had been in my lord's hands, he would have
+prepared you better than Lady Bidulph has for this meeting; he has been
+trying to make Mr Arnold drunk, in order to give him courage, he says,
+to face you. Poor man, he could scarcely credit me when I told him you
+were to come this evening. She proposed my taking a few drops, which I
+agreed to; and bidding me pluck up my spirits, said she would send Mr
+Arnold to me.
+
+I catched lady V---- by the hand, and begged she would desire him, from
+me, not to mention any thing that was past, but let our meeting be, as
+if the separation had only been occasioned by a long journey.
+
+She left me, and Mr Arnold in a few minutes entered the room. He
+approached me speechless; my arms were extended to receive him; he fell
+into them; we neither of us spoke; there was no language but tears,
+which we both shed plentifully. Mr Arnold sobbed as I pressed him to my
+bosom. My dearest Sidney, said he, can it be! Is it possible that you
+love me still?
+
+If lady V---- delivered my message to you, my dear Mr Arnold, sure you
+would not speak thus to me.
+
+I understand you, said he; Oh! my dear: I never wished for wealth or
+length of days, till now--but what I can I will.
+
+Forbear, my love, said I; remember my request. I wanted to give his
+thoughts another turn. My mother longs to see you: When will you visit
+her?
+
+I will throw myself at her feet, said he; I want a blessing from her,
+and she has sent me one, throwing his arms again round me.
+
+How much are we obliged to good lord and lady V----, said I.
+
+Oh! they have opened to me the path to Heaven, he answered--if it had
+not been for them--I think we had better go to them, said I, they will
+partake in our happiness.
+
+He took me by the hand without answering, and led me into the
+drawing-room.
+
+I have, my sister, endeavoured to recollect our disjointed conversation,
+in order to give it to you as well as I could. All that I can remember I
+have set down, though I am sure a good deal more passed.
+
+Lord V----'s eyes sparkled when he saw us enter together; but my lady
+and he, I suppose, had agreed before hand to say nothing that could
+recall any past griefs, for they only smiled at our entrance; and my
+lord said, Arnold, you really hand your lady in with as gallant an air,
+as if you were married within these three hours. And so I have been, my
+lord, answered Mr Arnold. My lady presently called for tea, and we
+chatted as if nothing had happened. The servants waiting in the room
+made this necessary; though I could observe the two footmen, who had
+lived a good while with Lord V----, looked with no small astonishment at
+Mr Arnold and me.
+
+When the servants were withdrawn, my lady introduced the subject of our
+going out of town. She had before acquainted him with my mother's
+proposal, and I repeated what she had said to me on that head, after
+lady V---- had left us. My lord renewed the kind offers of his
+friendship, and said, as we meant so shortly to part with our house in
+St James's-street, that he thought it would be better for us not to go
+into it at all, but make use of his house while we staid in town; as
+perhaps Mr Arnold might not like to be at lady Bidulph's, on account of
+Sir George coming there.
+
+I readily assented to this proposal; and Mr Arnold said it would be most
+agreeable to him. I told him, however, I should be glad of my mother's
+approbation; and asked Mr Arnold if he did not think it would be right
+of us both to wait on her together, to let her know of my lord's kind
+invitation. My lady V---- said, by all means, and the sooner the better:
+if you please, I will order you the chariot; I would have you see lady
+Bidulph directly. Mr Arnold said, it was what he purposed doing that
+very night.
+
+The chariot was presently at the door: lady V---- said, I have an
+apartment ready, and shall, with lady Bidulph's permission, expect you
+back to-night. We promised to return, and drove to my mother's.
+
+I left Mr Arnold in the parlour, whilst I ran up stairs to inform her of
+his being come to wait on her.
+
+Unluckily, as well as unexpectedly, I found my brother with her. I
+judged by his voice, as I came up stairs, that he was talking warmly to
+my mother; he stopped, however, when I came into the room. He was
+standing, and had his hat under his arm. I concluded he was going, and
+was not sorry for it; he cast a cold look at me, and, with an ironical
+smile, I wish you joy _Mrs Arnold_, and he pronounced my name with an
+emphasis. Tho' I was stung at his manner, I would not let him see it.
+Thank you brother, said I, God be praised I _have_ cause to rejoice. Oh!
+no doubt on't, said he, so have we all, that your husband has been
+graciously pleased, after beggaring you and your children, turning you
+out of doors, and branding you with infamy, to receive you at last into
+his favour.
+
+Sir George, said I, you shock me exceedingly: where is the need of those
+cruel repetitions? Indeed you are very unkind; and I could not refrain
+from tears.
+
+The more blameable Mr Arnold's conduct has been, said my mother, the
+more cause have we to rejoice in his amendment. We must make allowances
+for human failings.
+
+Ay, madam, I wish you had thought of that in Mr _Faulkland_'s case,
+cried my brother.
+
+My mother seemed disconcerted at the rebuke. Sir George looked and
+smiled, with an air of ill-natured triumph. As my mother was not quick
+in answering, I replied, the cases are very different, brother; what
+duty obliges us to pass by in a husband, it is hardly moral not to
+discountenance in another man.
+
+You say true, child, said my mother; a woman certainly ought not to
+marry a loose man, if she knows him to be such; but if it be her
+misfortune to be joined to such a one, she is not to reject him, but
+more especially if she sees him willing to reform. Where is your husband
+my dear? Madam, he is below in the parlour: he is come to receive your
+forgiveness, and your blessing. He shall have both, said my good mother,
+and my prayers too. Sir George looked a little surprized: I will not
+interrupt so _pious_ a ceremony, said he, but I hope you will give me
+leave to withdraw before you desire him up stairs; saying this, he bowed
+slightly to my mother, and left the room: we neither of us said any
+thing to stop him; my mother rang the bell, but before a servant could
+attend, he went out, and clapped the door violently after him.
+
+Go bring your husband up to me, said my mother. I begged she would not
+mention any thing of Sir George's behaviour. I found Mr Arnold impatient
+at my stay. Poor man, his situation made him jealous of every thing that
+looked like a slight. I told him, my brother had been above stairs, and
+as I did not think a meeting would at that time have been agreeable to
+either of them, I waited till he was gone. I perceive he knew _I_ was in
+the house, said Mr Arnold, by the blustering manner of his departure. I
+made no reply; but taking him under the arm, led him to my mother.
+
+That best of women received him with a tenderness that delighted me; he
+put one knee to the ground while she embraced him with maternal love,
+then raised him, and taking his hand and mine, joined them, holding them
+between her own. God bless you my children, said she, and may you never
+more be separated, till God, who joined you, calls one or other of you
+to himself. Amen, cried I fervently. Amen, repeated Mr Arnold.
+
+He then besought my mother to forgive him for all the affliction he had
+occasioned both to her and me; assuring her that his veneration for her,
+and his tenderness for me, were augmented a hundred-fold, and should for
+the future influence his whole conduct.
+
+After this, we fell on the subject of our domestick affairs: we informed
+my mother of my lord V----'s proposal, and said, as we should stay in
+town but two or three days, we had accepted of the offer of being at his
+house, rather than by our presence banish my brother from her's.
+
+He is an untractable man, said she; but as I do not wish to quarrel
+with my children, I think it will be prudent for you to stay at my
+lord's rather than here. Mr Arnold said his obligations to lord V----
+were unspeakable; for that he had promised not only to see all our
+affairs properly settled, but to take the mortgage of South-Park into his
+own hands, as he fears the person who now has it will not be so tender a
+creditor as himself. He also proposes (as the sale of my effects cannot
+amount to what my debts come to) to pay what may be deficient, and make
+himself my sole creditor. If it had not been for such a prospect as
+this, added my dear Mr Arnold, notwithstanding your goodness and lady
+Bidulph's, I had resolved never to have appeared before either of you.
+
+We determined to set out for Sidney-castle in three or four days at
+farthest; and took leave of my mother for this night.
+
+
+                             _December 21_
+
+I told lady V---- this morning, that though I was determined never to
+mention our past misfortune to Mr Arnold, yet I owned I had a great
+curiosity to know what means Mrs Gerrarde had made use of, to work up
+his suspicions to the high pitch she had done; but I would rather remain
+unsatisfied, than mortify him by the recollection of this particular.
+
+I can inform you of her whole proceedings, answered lady V----, as I had
+it from Mr Arnold himself; for to tell you the truth, I was as curious
+about that as you, and took the liberty to ask your husband concerning
+it yesterday, when we had him to ourselves. It was the interval between
+dinner, and the hour that you were expected here in the evening, that I
+laid hold of for this purpose, as I found him then composed enough to
+bear the enquiry.
+
+He told me, that from the time of his going down to South-Park, Mrs
+Gerrarde had begun to throw out insinuations concerning you, that had a
+little alarmed him. She asked him, Whether you made a good wife? which
+he answering in the affirmative, she replied, she was glad of it; for
+that she had been told your affections were formerly deeply engaged to a
+very fine young gentleman, who, as his fortune was very much above your
+expectations, your mother, fearing your violent fondness for him might
+lead you into some act of indiscretion, had carried you out of town on
+purpose to avoid him; and was glad to marry you as hastily as she could,
+to put you out of the reach of harm.
+
+Your husband acknowleges, that he believes he had himself casually
+informed Mrs Gerrarde of the manner of his first becoming acquainted
+with you, and the suddenness with which his marriage was concluded; yet
+she pretended to him, she was before apprized of these particulars.
+
+He owns that those hints, though far from giving him any suspicion of
+your virtue, had nevertheless made some impression on him. You know,
+Madam, added he, that, madly devoted as my affections were to Mrs
+Gerrarde, I had always behaved to my wife with great tenderness and
+respect. This I suppose it was which raised Mrs Gerrarde's jealousy, and
+made her leave no method unattempted to part us. Mr Faulkland had not
+been long at V---- hall, when she asked me, with uncommon earnestness,
+whether he visited at my house; I told her he did not, and asked the
+meaning of her enquiry. She affected to turn it off, and said, she had
+no particular reason for her question; but her manner was such, as the
+more excited my curiosity. At length she was prevailed on to tell me,
+that Mr Faulkland was the man (for she had not yet named the person),
+whom my wife had so passionately loved. Prepossessed as I was with
+jealousy, I now took the alarm. I recollected that Mrs Arnold had told
+me at lord V----'s, upon my first seeing him there, that she _had_ been
+very well acquainted with him; and I even thought that I had observed
+something particular in his countenance when he addressed her. I was now
+sure that he had come into the neighbourhood merely on her account. The
+hell that I suffered is not to be described; for though I really fancied
+that I had conceived almost an aversion to Mrs Arnold, I yet could not
+bear the thoughts of being dishonoured. An accident happened which
+served to strengthen my suspicions: he then related the circumstance of
+his seeing you at the public house on the night of the fire; and of his
+finding Mr Faulkland putting you into your chariot. He owned at the same
+time, that he was there with Mrs Gerrarde, whom he had conducted out of
+the play-house, having called for her there in his return from making a
+visit, as he had promised to sup with her that night. Mrs Gerrarde, when
+she had him at her house, affected to speak with some surprize of your
+imprudence, in suffering a young man of Mr Faulkland's _known_ turn for
+gallantry, to attend you to _such_ a place, and at that hour. Though,
+added he, Mrs Arnold's own account of this had satisfied me at the time,
+yet Mrs Gerrarde's insinuations blew up the fire anew in my breast. She
+pretended to sooth me; but the methods she took rather increased my
+uneasiness. She told me, she believed my honour as _yet_ had received no
+injury; and to preserve it effectually, she thought I could not do
+better than to forbid my wife to see Mr Faulkland. The designing vile
+woman, continued your husband, knowing that this prohibition would cut
+off her visits at V---- hall, no doubt apprehended my wife would not so
+readily acquiesce under it; and she was sure any resistance on her part
+would but the more inflame me. But in this she was disappointed; for I
+no sooner required Mrs Arnold's promise on the occasion, than she,
+without the least hesitation, made it. My requiring so extraordinary a
+proof of her obedience, induced Mrs Arnold to enquire into the cause;
+and upon my explaining it, she acknowleged that Mr Faulkland had once
+been her lover, and that the match was broken off by her mother, who had
+conceived some dislike to him. This was so far from gaining credit with
+me, that it only served to corroborate what Mrs Gerrarde had told me. I
+was, however, contented for the present with the promise that my wife
+had made me; of which I informed Mrs Gerrarde.
+
+He then proceeded to tell me of his finding you and Mr Faulkland
+together one evening at the house of Mrs Gerrarde. I must confess,
+continued he, this unexpected incident transported me beyond the bounds
+of patience: I suffered, notwithstanding, Mr Faulkland to go quietly out
+of the house, more for Mrs Gerrarde's sake than any other consideration,
+and permitted her to go home with my wife (who I then thought
+_pretended_ illness,) waiting in the mean time at her house for her
+return, in order to have this extraordinary and unexpected meeting
+explained.
+
+Mrs Gerrarde, on her return expressed the utmost concern and resentment
+on the occasion. She told me, that as she had expected me that evening
+(which was really the case), she had sent to my wife to engage her for
+the next day, in order to prevent her coming to interrupt us, which was
+not unlikely, as Mrs Arnold had not been to see her from the time she
+was laid up by the hurt she received; and she said, she did not care to
+lay herself so open to her servants, as to have herself denied to the
+wife, whilst she entertained the husband.
+
+I myself, continued he, having the same apprehensions, had asked Mrs
+Arnold, on my going abroad in the morning, how she purposed to dispose
+of herself for the day; and she had told me she intended to stay at
+home. Mrs Gerrarde said, that notwithstanding her message, she was
+surprized with a visit from Mrs Arnold just as she was sitting down to
+dinner; that she however put a good face on the matter, and received her
+very cordially; but in order to get rid of her soon, told her, she was
+engaged abroad in the afternoon. Mrs Arnold, she added, however thought
+proper to stay, and I could not avoid asking her to drink coffee. While
+we were at it, behold, to my very great surprize, Mr Faulkland sent in
+his name, and immediately entered the parlour.
+
+As I guessed, continued Mrs Gerrarde, that this was a settled
+assignation, I own I was extremely provoked at it. Mr Faulkland, with
+whom I formerly had a very slight acquaintance at Bath, _so_ slight
+indeed as never to be visited by him, now very audaciously made an
+apology for not having waited on me sooner; but said, that he did not
+hear of my being in the neighbourhood, 'till a day or two before, and
+hoped I would allow him the honour of renewing his acquaintance. I had
+hardly temper enough to make him a civil answer; but said, I was sorry I
+was engaged that evening, and must be obliged to go out immediately. I
+thought this hint was enough for Mrs Arnold; and that she would have had
+the discretion to have taken her leave. She asked pardon for having kept
+me at home so long, protesting she had really forgot that I told her I
+was engaged. She begged she might not detain me any longer, saying, she
+had ordered her chariot to come for her in the evening, and that she
+would wait for it, as she found herself not very well, and therefore not
+able to walk home. I now saw into the whole scheme: Mr Faulkland would
+naturally stay to keep her company, and they would have my house to
+themselves; but I resolved to disappoint them both; and telling Mrs
+Arnold I would leave her at home, ordered the chariot to the door. Mrs
+Arnold opposed this, under pretence of not giving me so much trouble,
+and pretending to be sick and faint, said she would step to the door, in
+order to get a little more air; I followed her hastily, and your coming
+in the instant, I suppose, detained Mr Faulkland in the parlour, for he
+could not but see you from the window. You know the rest, added Mrs
+Gerrarde; and I leave you to judge, whether Mrs Arnold be inclined to
+keep her word with you, in regard to Mr Faulkland.
+
+Can you blame me, Madam, proceeded your husband, if, after what I now
+saw and heard, I was enraged almost to madness against my wife? The base
+woman, who had now accomplished her wicked purpose, encouraged me in my
+desperation. In the midst of my fury, however, I could not help making
+one observation, which was, that as Mrs Gerrarde's going, or pretending
+to go out that evening, was a casual thing, they could hardly have
+expected an opportunity of being _alone_ at her house, even though the
+meeting was concerted. Mrs Gerrarde answered, That was very true; and
+she supposed there was nothing at first farther intended, than that the
+_lovers_ should have the pleasure of seeing and conversing together, as
+they had been so long separated; the other, to be sure, said she, was an
+after-thought, which the opportunity suggested. She then, after making
+me swear secrecy, told me, that Mrs Arnold had, when she followed her
+out to the door, conjured her not to tell me that Mr Faulkland and she
+(Mrs Gerrarde) were acquainted; for, said she, as Mr Arnold is of a
+jealous temper, and has heard that Mr Faulkland formerly courted me, he
+would not suffer me to come near your house, if he knew that Mr
+Faulkland visited you. I promised her I would not, added Mrs Gerrarde;
+and I make no doubt but that she hoped in time (relying on my good
+nature, my seeming fondness for her, and the easiness of my temper) to
+engage me as the confidant and abettor of her loose amour.
+
+Mrs Gerrarde concluded with saying, that she believed nothing criminal
+had as _yet_ passed between Mr Faulkland and my wife, at least since his
+coming to V---- hall; but as there was no with-holding a woman from her
+will, it was very probable that Mrs Arnold would contrive the means of
+meeting, though not at _her_ house, yet somewhere else. I raved,
+threatened, talked of fighting Faulkland, and locking up my wife. She
+artfully dissuaded me from such violent measures by a number of
+arguments, which I will not trouble you with repeating: Amongst other
+things, she said, that I had no right to call Faulkland to an account
+merely from surmise, which was all I had to ground my charge on; and
+though there was the strongest reason to believe he had dishonourable
+designs on Mrs Arnold, yet as I could not directly accuse him of them, I
+should be laughed at for engaging in a quarrel, which to the world would
+appear to be so ill-grounded. As to what I threatened in regard to my
+wife, she said, such measures only make a woman desperate, and would be
+far from preventing the evil; in short, that it would be better to part
+quietly, without embroiling myself with her friends, or undertaking the
+hateful office of becoming gaoler to my wife. She found me but too well
+disposed to follow her fatal counsel. I wrote that cruel letter to my
+wife, which turned her from her home, at Mrs Gerrarde's house. She kept
+me with her till midnight, and had worked up my resentment to such a
+pitch, that I determined not to see Mrs Arnold any more. To avoid
+expostulations, I went to a friend's house, at the distance of several
+miles. When I came back, Mrs Gerrarde told me that Mr Faulkland was
+absent from V---- hall, and she concluded the lovers were now together.
+
+I interrupted your husband at this part of the story, pursued Lady
+V----, and told him, that to _my_ knowledge Mr Faulkland had gone to
+Sidney-Castle, to see Sir George Bidulph, before you left your own
+house; and did not set out from thence on his return 'till about three
+weeks after your separation; at the account of which he was exceedingly
+surprized.
+
+Dear Lady V----, said he, do you think I _now_ want any farther
+arguments to convince me what an injurious wretch I have been to the
+best of women?
+
+I have one observation to make to you, Mr Arnold, added I; which is,
+that your lady's misfortune was intirely owing to her great delicacy,
+and the nice regard she had to your peace and honour.
+
+I do not understand you, Madam, he replied.
+
+Know then, said I, that your wife was well acquainted with your
+connection with Mrs Gerrarde, from the very night that you found her at
+the public house, to which the accident that happened to her obliged her
+to go. She owned to me, at the time you drove her from her home, that
+she had discovered your amour from a conversation she overheard that
+night between you and Mrs Gerrarde. This I extorted from her, by letting
+her know I was no stranger to the intrigue. I then repeated to him the
+discourse that passed between him and that wicked woman, as far as you
+had told me, and he very well remembered it. Now, Mr Arnold, said I, to
+prove the assertion I made in regard to your lady, had she reproached
+you with your infidelity, as _some_ wives would have done, tho' it might
+have occasioned a temporary uneasiness to you both, yet would it have
+prevented her from falling a sacrifice to that most artful and wicked of
+her sex; for you could not then have had such an improbable falshood
+imposed on you, as that Mrs Arnold would have made choice of the
+_mistress_ of her husband for a confidant, and fix on _her_ house as the
+rendezvous for a love-intrigue. The base woman herself had no reason,
+from Mrs Arnold's prudent and gentle behaviour, to think she was
+suspected by her.
+
+Your husband lifted up his eyes to heaven; and striking his breast,
+Blind, blind wretch, he cried! infatuated, ungrateful monster! are there
+no amends--no amends in thy power for such goodness?
+
+I could not bear such a description of my poor Mr Arnold's deep
+contrition. I stopped Lady V----; and, being now informed of all I
+wanted to know, changed the conversation.
+
+
+                             _December 22_
+
+We are preparing to get into the country with all speed. I have writ to
+Patty to set out with the two children for Sidney-Castle as soon as
+possible. Mr Arnold has put his affairs intirely into the hands of our
+worthy friend Lord V----, and we think, upon a calculation, that what we
+have in town, at South-Park, and at Arnold-Abbey, will go near to answer
+the present demands that are upon us.
+
+Lady V---- is the best creature living; she knows that neither Mr Arnold
+nor I chuse to see any visitors, and she has let none in these two days.
+I am vexed at laying her under such a restraint, though her good-nature
+will not suffer her to think it one. We shall go out of town on Monday;
+to-morrow we spend with my mother, as do Lord and Lady V---- (who are
+mightily charmed with her), and then adieu to London, perhaps for ever.
+If my mother comes down to me, as she intends to do, I shall have no
+temptation ever to return to it.
+
+                                           _Sidney-Castle, December 29._
+
+  Here I am, my dear, in the house of my nativity. Your Sidney and her
+  Arnold as happy as a king and a queen! or, to speak more properly,
+  happier than any king or queen in Christendom. My two dear little
+  girls are well, thank God! and look charmingly. Poor babes! they could
+  have no idea of their loss when I left them, yet they now seem pleased
+  at seeing me again. My faithful Patty is almost out of her wits with
+  joy. I have no maid but her, and an honest servant, whom my mother
+  left here to look after her house. Mr Arnold has retained but one of
+  his men: the garden is taken care of by an old man in the
+  neighbourhood, to whom my mother allows something for keeping it in
+  order.
+
+  With what delight do I recall the days of my childhood, which I passed
+  here so happily! You, my dear Cecilia, mix yourself in all my
+  thoughts; every spot almost brings you fresh into my memory. The
+  little filbert-wood, the summer-house, the mount, and the
+  chestnut-close that you used to love so! but the sight of your old
+  dwelling makes me melancholy. I think I could not bear to go into the
+  house; the deserted avenue to me appears much darker than it used to
+  do; and your poor doves are all flying about wild; and I think seem to
+  mourn the absence of their gentle mistress. Oh! Cecilia, how exquisite
+  are the pleasures and the pains that those of too nice feelings are
+  liable to! You, whose sensibility is as strong as mine, know this.
+  From what trifles do minds of such a turn derive both joy and grief!
+  Our names, our virgin names, I find cut out on several of the old elm
+  trees: this conjures up a thousand pleasing ideas, and brings back
+  those days when we were inseparable. But you are no longer Rivers, nor
+  I Bidulph. Then I think what I have suffered since I lost that name,
+  and at how remote a distance you are from me; and I weep like a
+  child--But away with such reflections: I am now happier, beyond
+  comparison happier, I think, than I was before my afflictions overtook
+  me. Mr Arnold's _recovered_ heart I prize infinitely more than I did
+  when he first made me an offer of it; because I am sure he gives it
+  now from a thorough conviction that I deserve it, and therefore I am
+  certain never to have it alienated again.
+
+
+                              _January 4_
+
+It is almost three years since I left this place; and the welcomes I
+have received from all our old neighbours and acquaintance, have given
+me more satisfaction than I can express. Mr Arnold is highly pleased
+with the marks of affection which he sees me daily receive from those
+who have known me from my infancy. I am the more delighted with it, as I
+think it gives me an additional value with him. 'Tis a proof at least
+that I never misbehaved during the long number of years that our former
+friends knew me, and we must needs be pleased to see the object of our
+love approved of by others. This I speak from my own experience. Mr
+Arnold is exceedingly caressed by all our friends, and seems equally
+delighted with them: you know we have some of the best people in the
+world amongst our old set of acquaintance. If you, my mother, and good
+Lady V----, were within my reach, I should think Sidney-Castle a
+paradise.
+
+
+                              _January 10_
+
+I have had two letters to-day; one from Lady V----, the other from my
+dear mother. Lady V---- tells me her husband is bustling about for us,
+to put affairs in the best condition he can. She says, he has already
+got a purchase for the lease of our house in St James's-Street; and all
+the moveables in it, as they now stand. They have been valued at two
+thousand seven hundred pounds. As most of our plate is there, as well as
+our chariot and a pair of horses, this has fallen very short of our
+expectations; but Lady V---- says, she is sure there was not more
+allowed for the furniture than half their original value, though they
+have not been a great while in use. She tells me, that my lord has
+employed a person to go down to Arnold-Abbey, to dispose of the things
+there; but she fears we shall receive a very indifferent return from
+thence, as there is but part of the furniture of Mr Arnold's putting in,
+the old goods going together with the house to the widow. My lord's
+steward at V---- hall has instructions about South-Park: he writes word
+to his lord that he believes the whole of what is there will not sell
+for more than four hundred pounds: the house indeed was but small, and
+the furniture not expensive. Mrs Gerrarde, he says, has had an
+attachment laid on her house by a person who built some bauble for her
+in her garden, for which he claims a debt of ninety pounds, though the
+steward says it is not worth thirty. 'All things, however, my lady adds,
+shall be adjusted in the best manner we can; and my lord will not let Mr
+Arnold be distressed on account of any deficiency that may happen in
+those sales.' What a jewel, my Cecilia, is an honest, warm friend!
+
+The contents of my mother's letter are, That Sir George was married
+yesterday to Lady Sarah P----. She says, the bride was most
+extravagantly fine; but looked neither handsome nor genteel. This was
+much for my good mother to let drop from her pen; but I know she never
+liked Lady Sarah, nor did her ladyship ever treat her with the regard
+due to her character, and to the person of one who was to stand in the
+close and respectable degree of relationship to her, which my mother now
+does. But I believe I have before told you, that the blessings of good
+sense and good temper are bestowed but in a moderate degree on Lady
+Sarah; and for a woman of quality, Lady V---- tells me (for I have never
+seen her), that her breeding is not of the highest form. But you know a
+great fortune covers a multitude of imperfections in the eyes of most
+people, and I hope her love for my brother will make her a good wife.
+
+
+                              _January 23_
+
+I am grown a perfect farmer's wife, and have got a notable dairy: I am
+mistress of three cows, I assure you, which more than supply my family;
+then I have the best poultry in the country, and my garden flourishes
+like Eden. Mr Arnold is such a sportsman that we have more game than we
+know what to do with; but his chief pleasure is hunting.
+
+Your little namesake promises to be the greatest beauty in the county.
+Dolly, who is a pretty little cherry-cheek, and her father's great
+favourite, prates like a parrot. How delightful will be the task of
+expanding and forming the minds of these two cherubs! how joyfully and
+how thankfully do I look back on the troubled sea which I have passed!
+My voyage indeed was not long, but my sufferings were great while they
+lasted. I never, since I was married, enjoyed life till now. You know my
+match was originally the result of duty to the best of mothers; and
+though, if I ever knew my own heart, it was absolutely freed from all
+attachment to any other person, yet was it not so devoted to Mr Arnold,
+as to have made him my choice preferably to all other men, if I had not
+resolved in _this_, as in every other action of my life, to be
+determined by those to whom I owed obedience. When I married Mr Arnold,
+I esteemed him; a sufficient foundation, in the person of a husband,
+whereon to build love. That love, his kindness, and my own gratitude, in
+a little produced in my heart; and I will venture to say few wives loved
+so well, none better. You know I could never bear to consider love as a
+childish divinity, who exercises his power by throwing the heart into
+tumultuous raptures: _my_ love, tho' of a more temperate kind, was
+sufficiently fervent to make Mr Arnold's coldness towards me alone
+capable of wounding my heart most sensibly; but when this coldness was
+aggravated by the cruel distrust which he was taught to entertain of me,
+the blow indeed became scarce supportable; and I did not till then know
+the progress he had made in my affections.
+
+Sorrows, my Cecilia, soften and subdue the mind prodigiously; and I
+think my heart was better prepared from its sufferings to receive Mr
+Arnold's returning tenderness, than an age of courtship in the gay and
+prosperous days of life could have framed it to. I exult in his restored
+affections, and love him a thousand times better than ever I did. He
+deserves it; I am sure he does: he was led away from me by enchantment;
+nothing else could have done it. But the charm is broke, thank heaven!
+and I find him now the tenderest, the best of men. Every look, every
+word, every action of his life, is expressive of a love next to
+adoration. Oh! I should be too happy, if the blessings I now possess
+were to be my continued portion in this life! There is, however, but
+_one_ about which I can rationally indulge any fears--My mother--Her
+years, and her growing infirmities, will not suffer me to hope for her
+being long absent from her final place of felicity. You always used to
+say I anticipated misfortunes: this event _may_ be farther off than my
+anxious fears sometimes suggest to me; so no more of it.
+
+
+                               _March 10_
+
+My good Lady V---- writes me word, that all our business is finished.
+The whole amount of our effects came but to three thousand four hundred
+pounds; our debts (including some charges which have occurred in the
+transacting of our affairs) exceeded eight thousand. Our worthy Lord
+V---- has paid the whole, and has made himself our only creditor. We
+have nothing now, that we can call our own, but my jointure. I do not
+reckon upon my mother's bounty to us; our income from her, and the house
+we live in, will be Sir George's, whenever it is our misfortune to lose
+her. But she tells me she is well, and talks of coming down in about a
+fortnight.
+
+
+                               _March 11_
+
+I am here in a scene of still life, my dear; and you must now expect to
+hear of nothing but such trivial matters as used to be the subject of
+our journals when we were both girls, and you lived within a bow-shot of
+Sidney-Castle, and saw me every day. The last three months of my life
+have glided away like a smooth stream, when there is not a breath of
+wind to ruffle it; and after you read the transactions of one day, you
+know how I pass all the rest.
+
+I have told you of every-body that came to see me, and all the visits
+that I returned: I have given you an account of all our old
+acquaintance, and of some new ones. You know what my amusements are, and
+what my business. Indeed, what I call business, is my chief pleasure.
+You, who are surrounded by the gaieties of a splendid court, had need of
+the partiality which I know you have for your Sidney, to desire a
+continuation of her insipid narrative. But, I suppose, if I were to tell
+you, that, on such a day, my white Guiney-hen brought out a fine brood
+of chickens, you might be as well pleased with it, as I should be to
+hear from you of the birth of an arch-duchess. Indeed, my Cecilia, there
+is such a sameness in my now-tranquil days, that I believe I must have
+recourse to telling you my dreams, to furnish out matter of variety.
+
+
+                               _March 19_
+
+We have had a wedding to-day in our neighbourhood. Young Main (Patty's
+brother) has got a very pretty young gentlewoman, with a fortune of five
+thousand pounds. It seems, this pair had been fond of each other from
+their childhood; but the girl's fortune put her above her lover's hopes;
+however, as he has, for a good while, been in very great business, and
+has the reputation of being better skilled in his profession than any
+one in the country, he was in hopes, that his character, his mistress's
+affection for him, and his own constancy, would have some little weight
+with her family. Accordingly he ventured to make his application to the
+young woman's brother, at whose disposal she was, her father having been
+dead for some years; but he was rejected with scorn, and forbid the
+house.
+
+The girl's father, it seems, had been an humourist, and left her the
+fortune under a severe restriction; for, if ever she married without her
+brother's consent, she was to lose it; so that, in that particular
+instance of disposing of her person, she was never to be her own
+mistress. In the disposal of her fortune, however, he did not so tie her
+up; for after the age of one-and-twenty, she had the power of
+bequeathing her fortune by will to whom she pleased.
+
+The brother, who is a very honest man, had no motive, but a regard to
+his sister's interest, in refusing poor Mr Main: a man of good fortune
+had proposed for her, whom the brother importuned her to accept of; but
+she was firm to her first attachment.
+
+The young lover found means to convey a letter to his mistress, in which
+he told her, that as he was in circumstances to support her genteelly,
+if she would venture to accept of his hand, he would never more bestow a
+thought on her fortune. This proposal the prudent young woman declined
+on her own part, but advised him to make it to her brother, as she was
+not then without suspicions that he wished to retain her fortune in the
+family; and that it was only to save appearances he had proposed a match
+to her, of which he was sure she would not accept. But in this opinion
+she injured him. She thought, however, the experiment might be of use,
+in giving the better colour to her marrying afterwards the man whom she
+loved.
+
+But it was an ill-judged attempt, and succeeded accordingly: for, if the
+brother should have given his consent, he could have no pretence for
+withholding her portion; or, if he did so by mutual agreement, his
+motive for denying his consent before, must appear too obviously to be a
+bad one.
+
+The young people, not considering this sufficiently, resolved to make
+the trial; accordingly Mr Main wrote to the brother a very submissive
+letter, telling him he would, in the most solemn manner, relinquish all
+claim to his sister's fortune, if he would make him happy by consenting
+to their marriage; without which, he said, the young lady's regard for
+her brother would not suffer her to take such a step.
+
+This letter had no other effect than that of making the brother
+extremely angry. He sent a severe message to the young man, to acquaint
+him, that he looked upon his proposal as a most injurious affront to his
+character; but that he was ready to convince him, and every-body else,
+that he had no designs upon his sister's fortune, as he would not refuse
+his consent to her marriage with any other man in the country but
+himself. This was a thunder-clap to the poor lover: he comforted
+himself, however, with the hopes that his mistress's heart would
+determine her in his favour, notwithstanding the severity of the
+brother.
+
+There had been, it seems, besides this gentleman's not thinking Mr Main
+a suitable match for his sister, some old family pique between him and
+Mr Main's father.
+
+These transactions happened some time before I came to the country. Just
+about that juncture, the poor girl had the misfortune to receive a hurt
+in her breast, by falling against the sharp corner of a desk from a
+stool, on which she had stood in order to reach down a book that was in
+a little case over it. This accident threw her into a fit of illness,
+which put a stop to all correspondence between her and her lover.
+
+In this illness, a fever, which was her apparent complaint, was the only
+thing to which the physician paid attention, and the hurt in her breast
+was not enquired after; so that by the time she was tolerably recovered
+from the former, the latter was discovered to be in a very dangerous
+way, and required the immediate assistance of a surgeon. You may be sure
+poor Main was not the person pitched upon to attend her; another was
+called in, of less skill, but not so obnoxious to the family.
+
+By this bungler, she was tortured for near three months; at the end of
+which time, through improper treatment, the malady was so far increased,
+that the operator declared the breast must be taken off, as the only
+possible means of saving her life.
+
+The young gentlewoman's family were all in the greatest affliction; she
+herself seemed the only composed person amongst them. She appointed the
+day when she was to undergo this severe trial of her fortitude; it was
+at the distance of about a week. The surgeon objected to the having it
+put off so long, but she was peremptory, and at last prevailed.
+
+On the evening preceding the appointed day, she conjured her brother in
+the most earnest manner, to permit Mr Main to be present at the
+operation. The brother was unwilling to comply, as he thought it might
+very much discompose her, but she was so extremely pressing, that he was
+constrained to yield.
+
+The attending surgeon was consulted on the occasion; who having
+declared, that he had no objection to Mr Main's being present, that
+young man was sent for. He had been quite inconsolable at the accounts
+he received, of the dangerous state in which his mistress was, and went
+with an aching heart to her brother's house in the morning.
+
+He was introduced into her chamber, where he found the whole chirurgical
+apparatus ready. The young woman herself was in her closet, but came out
+in a few minutes, with a countenance perfectly serene. She seated
+herself in an elbow chair, and desired she might be indulged for a
+quarter of an hour, to speak a few words to her brother, before they
+proceeded to their work. Her brother was immediately called to her, when
+taking him by the hand, she requested him to sit down by her.
+
+You have, said she, been a father to me, since I lost my own; I
+acknowlege your tenderness and your care of me with gratitude. I believe
+your refusal of me to Mr Main, was from no other motive but your desire
+of seeing me matched to a richer man. I therefore freely forgive you
+that only act, in which you ever exercised the authority my father gave
+you over me. My life, I now apprehend, is in imminent danger, the hazard
+nearly equal, whether I do, or do not undergo the operation; but as they
+tell me there is a chance in my favour on one side, I am determined to
+submit to it.
+
+I put it off to this day, on account of its being my birth-day. I am now
+one and twenty, and as the consequences of what I have to go through,
+may deprive me of the power of doing what I intended, I have spent this
+morning in making my will. You, brother, have an ample fortune; I have
+no poor relations; I hope, therefore, I stand justified to the world,
+for having made Mr Main my heir. Saying this, she pulled a paper from
+under her gown, which she put into her brother's hand, that he might
+read it. It was her will, wrote by herself, regularly signed, and
+witnessed by two servants of the family.
+
+Sir, said she, turning to the other surgeon, as soon as my brother is
+withdrawn, I am ready for you. You may imagine this had various effects
+on the different persons concerned. The brother, however displeased he
+might have been at this act of his sister's, had too much humanity to
+make any animadversions on it at that time. He returned the paper to
+his sister without speaking, and retired.
+
+Poor Main, who had stood at the back of her chair, from his first coming
+in, had been endeavouring to suppress his tears all the time; but at
+this proof of his mistress's tenderness and generosity, it was no longer
+in his power to do so, and they burst from him with the utmost violence
+of passion.
+
+The other surgeon desired him to compose himself, for that they were
+losing time, and the lady would be too much ruffled.
+
+The heroic young woman, with a smiling countenance, begged of him to dry
+his eyes: perhaps, said she, I may recover. Then fixing herself firmly
+in the chair, she pronounced, with much composure, 'I am ready.' Two
+maid servants stood one at each side of her, and the surgeon drew near
+to do his painful work. He had uncovered her bosom, and taken off the
+dressings, when Mr Main, casting his eyes at her breast, begged he might
+have leave to examine it before they proceeded. The other surgeon, with
+some indignation, said, his doing so was only an unnecessary delay; and
+had already laid hold of his knife, when Mr Main having looked at it,
+said, he was of opinion it might be saved, without endangering the
+lady's life. The other, with a contemptuous smile, told him, he was
+sorry he thought him so ignorant of his profession, and without much
+ceremony, putting him aside, was about to proceed to the operation; when
+Mr Main laying hold of him, said, that he should never do it in his
+presence; adding, with some warmth, that he would engage to make a
+perfect cure of it in a month, without the pain or hazard of amputation.
+
+The young lady, who had been an eye-witness of what passed, for she
+would not suffer her face to be covered, now thought it proper to
+interpose. She told the unfeeling operator, the he might be very sure
+she would embrace any distant hope of saving herself from the pain, the
+danger, and the loss she must sustain, if he pursued the method he
+intended. She was not, however, so irresolute, she said, as to desire
+either to avoid or postpone the operation, if it should be found
+necessary; but as there was hope given her of a cure without it, she
+thought it but reasonable to make the experiment; and should therefore
+refer the decision of her case to a third person of skill in the
+profession, by whose opinion she would be determined.
+
+The two women servants, who are always professed enemies to chirurgical
+operations, readily joined in her sentiments, and saying it was a mortal
+sin to cut and hack any christian, they made haste to cover up their
+young lady again.
+
+The disappointed surgeon hardly forbore rude language to the women; and
+telling Mr Main he would make him know what it was to traduce the skill
+of a practitioner of his standing, marched off in a violent passion,
+saying to his patient, if she had a mind to kill herself, it was nothing
+to him.
+
+The modest young man, delighted to find the case of his beloved not so
+desperate as he had supposed it to be, begged she would permit him to
+apply some proper dressings to the afflicted part, and conjuring her to
+call in the aid of the ablest surgeon that could be procured, took his
+leave.
+
+The brother of the lady being apprized of what had passed, lost no time
+in sending an express to Bath; and by a very handsome gratuity, induced
+a surgeon of great eminence to set out immediately for his house, who
+arrived early the next morning. But in the mean time poor Main had like
+to have paid dear for his superior skill in his profession. The other
+surgeon had no sooner got home, than he sent him a challenge, to meet
+him that evening, in a field at some distance from the town. They met;
+Main had the good fortune, after wounding, to disarm his antagonist, but
+first received himself a dangerous wound.
+
+This accident was kept from the knowledge of his mistress; but on the
+arrival of the surgeon from Bath, as he would not take off the
+dressings, but in the presence of the person who put them on, it was
+thought proper that both Mr Main and the other man should be sent for.
+The latter was not by any means in a condition to attend; but the
+former, though very ill and feverish, desired that he might be carried
+to the house. The Bath surgeon having, in his and the brother's
+presence, examined the case, declared it as his opinion, that the
+complaint might be removed without amputation; adding, that it was owing
+to wrong management that the grievance had gone so far. He consulted
+with Main, in the presence of the family, as to his intended method of
+treating it for the future; he agreed with him intirely, with regard to
+the propriety of it; and having assured the friends of the girl, that he
+thought him a skilful and ingenious young man, took his leave, being
+obliged to return directly home.
+
+The testimony of this gentleman, whose skill was undoubted, and whose
+impartiality must be so too, having never seen any of the parties
+concerned in his life before, wrought so much upon the brother, that he
+did not hesitate to put his sister under the care of her lover.
+
+Poor Main, though scarce able to leave his bed for some time, was
+nevertheless carried to his patient every day, at the hazard of his
+life. His skill, his tenderness, and his assiduity, were all exerted in
+a particular manner on the present occasion; and in less than five weeks
+he had the pleasure to see his mistress restored to perfect health.
+
+The consequence of this incident was very happy for them both; the
+brother, exceedingly pleased at his whole behaviour, told him, he was an
+honest generous fellow; and since he was convinced it was his sister's
+person, and not her fortune he was attached to, he would, with all his
+heart, bestow both on him; and accordingly Mr Arnold and I had this day
+the satisfaction of seeing this worthy young pair united in marriage.
+
+Patty is not a little delighted at her brother's good fortune. The
+honest youth, who has ever since his father's death supported his
+mother, and as many of the younger children as were not able to gain
+their own livelihood, has now invited his sister Patty to live with him;
+but the faithful girl declined the offer; telling her bother, she would
+never quit me, while I thought her worthy of my regard.
+
+I look upon myself to be much obliged to her for this, as the station
+she is now in, cannot be so advantageous as I hoped to make it, when I
+first took her into my service; but I will make up in kindness what may
+be wanting in profit. Indeed I consider her rather as a friend than a
+servant, and Mr Arnold always treats her with respect.
+
+
+                               _March 20_
+
+I am very uneasy at not having it in my power to fulfil my promise to
+poor Miss Burchell; but that is a string I dare not as yet touch upon.
+Indeed I cannot bear any conversation that leads to the subject.
+Whenever Mr Arnold begins to accuse himself for his unhappy conduct, in
+relation to Mrs Gerrarde, which he often does, I always stop him, or
+turn the discourse to something else. He never speaks of her now, but
+with a contemptuous indifference; and is so firmly persuaded that she
+went off willingly with Mr Faulkland, that I dare not as yet undeceive
+him; which I must necessarily do, should I express even a wish that Mr
+Faulkland should repair the niece's wrongs by marriage. Mr Arnold knows
+nothing of miss Burchell's affair. I went once so far as to say I had
+heard Mr Faulkland formerly liked this young lady. Mr Arnold answered, I
+am glad it went no farther than liking; if it had, probably I should not
+have been so soon delivered from my thraldom to her aunt. This reply
+silenced me; I am exceedingly perplexed about it. Would to Heaven Mr
+Faulkland would of himself think of doing the amiable unhappy girl
+justice My mother writes me word, that Sir George had informed Mr
+Faulkland, by letter, of the success of his project; and that his answer
+was full of congratulations, and expressions of joy. He is now in Italy;
+but talks of returning to England next summer. He says, he hears
+sometimes from Pivet, and that he and his wife live very well together.
+
+My mother says she often sees Miss Burchell, and that she encourages her
+with the hope of what may happen when Mr Faulkland comes back. If this
+match should ever take place, it would give me most sincere
+satisfaction. The girl's family is not contemptible; her fortune is
+pretty large, her person lovely; the unfortunate false step she made, is
+an entire secret, except to the persons immediately concerned; so that
+with regard to the world, her character too is good. Mrs Gerrarde, at
+worst, was only her aunt by marriage; but if that circumstance should be
+the only rub in her way to happiness, I would sooner declare the whole
+affair, and run the risk of Mr Arnold's being let into this ticklish
+secret, than be a hindrance to the poor young creature's welfare. This
+affair never comes a-cross me, but it makes me sigh. God send a
+favourable issue to it!
+
+
+                               _March 26_
+
+Alas! my Cecilia, we have received most heavy news! My good lord V----,
+that stedfast, that worthy, that best of friends, is no more! He was
+preparing to go to V---- hall, three days ago, but was seized with an
+apoplexy, as he was coming down stairs to go into his coach, and died
+before any assistance could reach him. Oh! we have a severe loss in the
+death of this most dear and valuable man!--but why do I mention _our_
+loss?--his lady--poor lady V---- is almost distracted--and well she
+may--the best of husbands, fathers, every thing! His eldest son, who is
+abroad, is sent for home on this melancholy occasion--My poor mother is
+afflicted exceedingly: every body that knew him must be so. Mr Arnold
+and I have lost more than a father. How _self_ recurs every minute; let
+me think of lady V---- again, and not dare to complain on my own
+account; but my obligations to him were of such a nature, as claim all
+my gratitude to his memory, and all the tears that I have abundantly
+shed for him.
+
+Mr Arnold is largely in his debt, we have no room to expect the same
+friendship from the present lord V----, that we experienced from his
+father.
+
+This circumstance did not occur to me till poor Mr Arnold put me in the
+mind of it: my thoughts were too much absorbed in grief, which the death
+alone of our friend occasioned. My mother hinted at it too, in her
+letter to Mr Arnold; for it was to him she wrote the mournful tidings.
+
+What a dark cloud of sorrow is spread over Sidney-castle! and how this
+stroke has imbittered our little domestic joys! But let me not carry my
+complainings into presumptuous murmurings. I have lost a sincere and
+truly valued friend; but do I not still possess infinite blessings? My
+husband, my dear Mr Arnold, my two sweet children, the best of mothers,
+and thee, my ever-beloved Cecilia, whom I still call mine, though at
+such a distance from me.
+
+Then I comfort myself with reflecting that lady V---- has sons, who, I
+hope, will be a blessing to her; that her fortune is affluent, and that
+my lord had passed through a well-spent life, to a pretty advanced age.
+He was turned of sixty. All these considerations sooth my mind, and I
+acknowlege, that, upon the whole, I have, by far, more cause to be
+thankful, than to repine.
+
+
+                               _March 30_
+
+Lady V----'s journey down to V---- hall having been so fatally
+prevented, she is obliged to remain in London. The shock she has
+received has brought on her a fit of illness. I find my lord has not
+left any ready money; his fortune was large, but as they always lived in
+great splendor, he laid none of his income by: the whole sum which he
+could command, he laid out for our use. My lady's jointure is pretty
+considerable; if it were ten times more, she deserves it. Oh, may her
+sons prove worthy of such a parent! The youngest I hear is a very fine
+youth. He is come to her from Oxford to comfort her, till the arrival of
+his elder brother.
+
+My mother writes me word, that her old friend lady Grimston is dead! She
+has left her whole fortune to charitable uses: not a sixpence to either
+of her daughters. Poor Mrs Vere! She is content with her little income,
+and has no loss of so unnatural a parent, who carried her vindictive
+spirit with her to the grave. As for the eldest, she did not stand in
+need of any assistance from her; but I own, though I had not great
+esteem for lady Grimston, I could not help being shocked at the brutal
+behaviour of her son-in-law to her in her last hours. She had never seen
+either him or her daughter from the time I told you they had quarrelled;
+but when she found herself dying, she sent a message to this favourite
+daughter, desiring to see her; her husband, whether out of disregard to
+the old lady, or his wife, or both, absolutely refused to let her go. My
+mother remarks on this passage in these words, 'Thus was this
+unfortunate parent punished in kind, for denying her late husband the
+satisfaction of seeing his youngest daughter, when he was in the same
+circumstances with herself.'
+
+My mother is nevertheless very much troubled for the death of her old
+acquaintance; who, she says, was a valuable woman: she considers her
+decease as a memento, which warns her of her own approaching end; for
+they were just of an age.
+
+I fear my mother is not well, though she does not say so; for she has
+put off her coming to Sidney-castle, without giving me a reason for it.
+
+
+                               _April 22_
+
+I thank you, my beloved Cecilia, for your cordial wish. Your opinion,
+that all my troubles are at an end, is consonant to your desires, but I
+doubt far from the real fact. The young lord V---- is returned home; but
+oh! how unlike that honest man, whose title and fortune he inherits! How
+deceived were his worthy parents in their hopes of him! he is a stranger
+to every sentiment of virtue. I have had a letter this day from my lady
+V----, wherein she laments the degeneracy of her son, whom they were
+made to believe a pattern of excellence: but the tutor to whom they
+entrusted him was as profligate as himself. In short, she says he is
+quite a reprobate; she has not the least authority or influence over
+him; she laments this, particularly on our account; we are indebted to
+him near five thousand pounds, and my lady says, she fears he will press
+Mr Arnold. He is profuse, she says, in his expences, without being
+generous.
+
+What can we do my dear? There is not the least prospect now of our being
+able to pay this money, but by selling the only remaining stake we have
+left. Had my lord lived, he made us hope that by his interest he could
+procure Mr Arnold some employment which would have enabled him to
+discharge this debt at his ease, without our being obliged to strip
+ourselves of our all. As we purposed living with the utmost oeconomy,
+this might have been accomplished in a few years. This prospect is now
+lost to us. We must submit. I have begged of Mr Arnold to think
+immediately of selling my jointure, for we have no reason to expect any
+lenity from a man of such a character as the present lord V---- is. We
+can subsist upon the income, which my mother is so good as to allow us:
+it is precarious it is true, but something may happen; I rely on that
+providence, who has hitherto protected me.
+
+
+                               _April 28_
+
+Lady V----'s apprehensions were but too well founded. We have had a
+letter from her son's agent. The debt _must_ be paid; and we are come to
+a resolution to sell two hundred and fifty pounds a year. We shall then
+have but fifty pounds a year in the world which we can call our own! I
+reckon not upon my mother's life, these afflictions I fear will hasten
+her departure to another world. From Sir George we have nothing to
+expect: he is absorbed in vanity; his new alliances engross him
+intirely.
+
+My dear lady V---- writes us word, she will do her utmost to promote Mr
+Arnold's interest. She has numerous and powerful friends; and says, she
+makes no doubt of obtaining something for him worth his acceptance.
+Believe me, my Cecilia, I am not disheartened at this fresh blow. If my
+dear Mr Arnold could reconcile himself to it, I could be well contented.
+I will not now (though you used to accuse me of it) anticipate
+misfortunes; we have still enough for the present to live on decently;
+and if my lady V----'s kind endeavours should succeed, we may yet be
+happily provided for. I will not let the thought of my mother's death
+interfere: let me but calm the anxious fears of my poor Mr Arnold, and
+all will be well.
+
+
+                                _May 12_
+
+Thank God we have done with the merciless lord V----! his money is to be
+paid directly to him. I have recovered my tranquility; I enjoy my little
+in peace; and have the comfort to see Mr Arnold's mind more at ease, and
+reconciled to his lot. To lady V--'s goodness, as well as my own earnest
+endeavours, I impute this. She says, she has the promise of an
+honourable and a profitable post for him; but we are to wait some months
+for it. The person who is now in possession of this place is to be
+preferred to a better, and she says, she has the word of an _honest_ man
+on the occasion; 'he is a very _great_ man too, says my lady in her
+letter, but as it is on the first part of his character chiefly we are
+to depend, I mention the other only by the by.'
+
+Now, my dear, have I not reason to be contented? A thankless heart
+should I have if I were not; but I am, indeed, my Cecilia, I am; and I
+begin again to be happy. Our domestick felicity was but disturbed for a
+while, it was not over-thrown.
+
+Here will I close; I have an opportunity of sending this immediately by
+a private hand to my beloved.
+
+
+[_Here Mrs Arnold's maid Patty continues the journal._]
+
+
+                                _May 15_
+
+By my lady's orders I take up the pen; and she has charged me to set
+down every particular. God knows I am ill able to do it! but I will
+strive to obey her. My poor dear lady is in such trouble, she has not
+the heart to write, nor scarcely to do any thing.
+
+My master--Oh! madam, how shall I express myself! my poor master, now he
+is so good, we are going, I fear, to lose him: I must write, according
+to my lady's custom, every thing in the best order I can.
+
+You cannot think, madam, how happy they have lived together ever since
+my lady came home to him again. He seemed to grow fonder and fonder of
+her every day; I believe he perfectly adored her, and he had reason.
+
+You know, madam, my lady was always used to a chariot; but they never
+attempted keeping one since they came down to Sidney-castle. She asked
+my master once, if he had a horse quiet enough for her to venture to
+ride on to church? I observed my master turned away his face, and put
+his handkerchief to his eyes. I believe he thought of a little favourite
+pad that he had given to Mrs Gerrarde. I have not one, my love, said he,
+that I would trust you on. You had once a pretty horse that you were
+fond of, but my desperate folly has not even left you that; but I will
+look out for one that will suit you. No matter, my dear, said my lady
+smiling, and taking him by the hand, I will ride double, I think that
+will suit me best. Dearest of women! said my master (and he fetched a
+deep sigh), when shall I be able to make you amends? He lamented hourly
+the loss of his fortune for her sake. What will become of you, my
+dearest creature, and my two poor children, said he (when he was obliged
+to part with her jointure), if I should die before you; and then he
+cried, and wrung his hands. My lady begged of him to put such melancholy
+thoughts out of his head, saying, they never disturbed her. I hope,
+said she, I shall never see your death; but if it pleases God to punish
+me so far, a little, a very little, will content me for the rest of my
+days. My master embraced her, and the sweet children; and said, if
+heaven spared him life, he would yet be the happiest man in the world.
+Many a time have I been witness to such discourse between them; for they
+knew my love for them was so great, that they would never scruple
+talking of their affairs before me. Oh! madam, I believe there was never
+a truer penitent than my master. My dear lady has said to me, since they
+were forced to sell her jointure, Patty, though we are now reduced to
+little more than two hundred pounds a year, I have much more comfort
+than when we had twelve. I have the satisfaction of seeing Mr Arnold
+such as I wish him; he is an altered man, Patty; he is truly virtuous,
+and I am sure he loves me now from right reason. I am content with the
+little that is left us.
+
+I always prayed for her prosperity; but, madam, God is pleased to order
+things otherwise than we poor silly mortalls think the best. My lady has
+always been good and pious, and I hope he will yet bring her out of her
+troubles, tho' they are great and many.
+
+My lady always charged me to be minute, and to write particulars; but,
+good madam, excuse the silly way I put my words together. I have not yet
+come to the dismal part of my story, and I hardly know how to go on, for
+indeed I am forced to break off every now and then to cry. Reason enough
+I have, to be sure; but what is _my_ sorrow compared to my lady's!
+
+The day before yesterday my master was asked by some gentlemen in our
+neighbourhood to go a hunting: he had no mind to go, for my lady was not
+very well, and he was unwilling to leave her; but she persuaded him,
+because she knew he loved hunting dearly; she has blamed herself for it
+ever since, but she could not know by enchantment what was to happen. He
+left my lady in bed, and went out about five o'clock in the morning. At
+eight, as my lady was sitting at breakfast, and I attending, the other
+maid called me out. Our man, who had gone abroad with my master, was in
+the kitchen, and looked as pale as death. I asked him what was the
+matter? The poor fellow could hardly speak; but at last said, my master
+has got a desperate fall in leaping a ditch, and I am afraid has hurt
+his skull: he is lying at farmer Hill's cottage, and one of the
+gentleman is rid off for a surgeon; but that is no place for him, we
+must get him home: but I thought it best to prepare my lady before she
+sees him. My lady rung her bell before I could answer him; I ran in,
+but I am sure I looked like a ghost, for my lady started when she saw
+me. Bless me! Patty, said she, what is the matter? Has any thing
+happened to your master? Not much Madam, said I. He is killed she cried,
+and sprung out of her chair. Indeed he is not, Madam, I answered,
+standing between her and the door; but he has got a fall, and is a
+little hurt. She made me no answer, but flew down stairs, out at the
+front door, and down the avenue as quick as an arrow. I ran after her,
+and the other servants after me; we could not overtake her; but she was
+soon stopped, for she met my poor master borne by four men. I suppose
+she thought he was dead, for she fainted away directly, and we carried
+her in after him.
+
+My master was put to-bed; he was alive, but not able to speak. He had
+got a dreadful cut in his head, and was sadly bruised besides.
+
+As soon as my lady came to herself, we told her my master was not
+killed. She went into his room, but had not power to speak, but sat like
+a stone statue at his bed-side. The surgeon came in less than half an
+hour. I believe he is but a sorry one; for after he had dressed the
+wound, he said there was no danger in it. At first we were all in hopes
+that it was so; for about two o'clock my master got his speech again; he
+complained of sickness at his stomach, and violent pains all over him.
+
+My lady, on hearing him speak, seemed to be rouzed as if out of a deep
+sleep. Several of the gentlemen, who had been out with my master, had
+come to enquire how he did; and though some of them came into his
+chamber, my mistress did not speak, nor seem to regard any of them. The
+first word she uttered was to call me; Patty, said she, what is the
+reason I do not see Mr Main here? It was my brother she meant, who is a
+surgeon; and I believe, madam, she has mentioned him to you, as one that
+is reckoned pretty skilful in his business. One of the gentlemen
+immediately said, by all means let him be sent for directly. My brother
+was soon fetched, and he thought proper to bleed my master in the arm.
+He would not take the dressings off his head, as the other surgeon had
+declared the skull was not touched; but said, he would be present when
+the wound was dressed the next day; and would watch all night by my
+master.
+
+My lady was not to be removed from the bed-side, nor could we persuade
+her to take any sustenance the whole day. My poor master was in a high
+fever all night; and I thought he strove to stifle his groans, that my
+lady might not hear them. She did for all that; and I am sure every one
+of them was worse than a dagger to her heart. She stole out of the room
+several times for a minute, and I could hear her bursting into tears as
+soon as she was without side the door; then she would come in again, and
+sit by him, till her heart was again so full, she was forced to go out
+to give it vent. The whole night passed over in this dismal way.
+
+When my master's head was examined the next day, my brother found that
+the skull was not touched where he had received the cut, but that it was
+broke in two other places, and in so dangerous a way, that it was
+impossible to save his life, as it was not in a part where he could be
+trepanned. The other surgeon, who found he had been mistaken at first,
+now joined with my brother in opinion that the world could not save my
+master's life. Oh! madam, if you had seen my lady when this was declared
+to her! I shall never forget her looks. I remember a piece of fine
+painting at your house, which I used to hear your family commend
+mightily. It was the picture of despair. My lady put me in mind of this
+piece; she had the very countenance of it; but I think, if she had then
+sat to a painter, he could have made a stronger and more heart-breaking
+look even than that picture has.
+
+Such another dismal day and night I believe never was passed in this
+house. My brother staid with us, though he could do but little service,
+except to watch my poor master, for he was between whiles quite out of
+his reason--
+
+No rest did my lady take all last night. She could not be got out of the
+room; she has tasted nothing these two days, nor slept a wink these two
+nights--She will destroy herself--What will become of us?--I have wrote
+to my lady Bidulph, to let her know the deplorable condition we are all
+in--My God! what will become of the poor children, if my lady goes on at
+this rate! She cannot hold out to be sure, such a load of sorrow at her
+heart, without nourishment or sleep--Oh! my good madam, I am not able to
+go on with my task--We have not the least hopes in the world--My master
+grows worse and worse every hour: he has his reason now, and is sensible
+that he is dying. Heaven knows, if I could lay down my life to save his,
+how gladly would I do it! I should be no loss, but he will be a grievous
+one--
+
+Lord help me! I am not able to go on--I have writ this by bits and
+scraps--
+
+                      [_Mr Main in continuation_].
+
+                                    _May 16, Three o'clock in the Morning._
+
+Mr Arnold had been delirious the greatest part of yesterday; but about
+six o'clock in the evening, having come a little to his senses, he was
+conscious that he was going fast, and desired that prayers might be read
+by him. His lady sent for the minister of the parish, but he was gone to
+London: the gentleman whom he had left to do his duty, was taken ill the
+night before, and was not able to leave his bed. He sent the messager
+that went for him, to another clergyman, who lived about four miles
+farther off, to request he would attend in his stead; but he was engaged
+on the same duty in his own parish, and could not come, he said, till
+next morning. The servant had wasted above two hours on this errand; it
+was nine o'clock when he returned. Mr Arnold during this interval had
+had several ramblings; but was now again a little composed, though
+apparently worse. I whispered the apothecary, who just then came in,
+that he could not live 'till morning. Mrs Arnold observed me, and begged
+to know what I said. I told her tenderly, that I feared Mr Atkins (that
+was the clergyman's name) would arrive too late, if he deferred his
+visit 'till next day.
+
+She made me no answer, but seemed to study a little; then went
+composedly to Mr Arnold's bed-side. My dear, said she, Mr Downs is
+unluckily from home; his assistant is sick in bed; and we cannot tonight
+get any other clergyman to visit you: but as you are desirous of
+offering up your prayers to Almighty God, I hope it will not be improper
+if I read the service for the sick by you. He stretched out his hand
+towards her, and said, in a faint, yet eager voice, Do, do, my good
+angel! Tears stood in the lady's eyes as she turned from him; but she
+quickly wiped them off, and requested of me and the apothecary to join
+with her in the solemn office she was going to perform, which she said,
+though she was sensible it was an irregular act, yet she hoped, from the
+necessity of the case, would be accepted in the sight of God.
+
+She ordered my sister to fetch her a prayer-book; and then kneeled down
+at Mr Arnold's bed-side.
+
+Surely nothing ever appeared so graceful; her fine hands and her fine
+eyes lifted up to heaven, while the book lay open before her on a little
+table. Such a reverential, such an ardent, yet such a mournful
+supplication in those fine eyes! She looked like something more than
+human! After having in this posture offered up a short petition in
+silence, she began the service.
+
+Never did I see true devotion before; the fervor of her looks, and the
+tone of her voice was such, you would have thought she beheld her
+Creator with her bodily eyes. For my part, I looked on her with such
+reverence, that she appeared to me like an angel, interceding for us
+poor mortal sinners.
+
+She went through the office with admirable strength of mind (omitting
+the exhortation) 'till she came to that part of the prayer, which says,
+'yet for as much as in all appearance the time of his dissolution
+draweth nigh, &c'. Here her voice faultered, and she stopped; but soon
+recovered herself, and proceeded with an unbroken tone to the end. Every
+one present wept but herself. She thanked us for our kindness in
+staying, and begged we would continue by poor Mr Arnold, while there was
+the least possibility of administering any relief to him.
+
+I told her I would most willingly obey her commands, and sit up all the
+night with him, though it was not in human power to give him any
+assistance.
+
+She repeated her thanks, and then sitting down by the bed-side, remained
+composed and silent.
+
+About twelve o'clock, finding Mr Arnold speechless, I entreated her to
+retire to her own chamber, and if she could not sleep, to take some
+little refreshment; for she had taken nothing that whole day, nor for
+the two preceding ones, but a dish of tea which my sister had forced on
+her.
+
+Mr Main, said she, suffer me to continue a little longer; my task will
+soon be over. I was unwilling to urge her; and she remained sitting in
+her place.
+
+About two o'clock, we heard Mr Arnold give a deep groan: He is gone,
+said she, and started off her chair. I stepped to his bed-side, and
+found indeed he had breathed his last. She snatched up one of his hands
+that lay upon the coverlid of the bed, held it for near a minute to her
+lips, and then, without any audible token of grief, went out of the
+room.
+
+I pray God to support and comfort this excellent woman.
+
+
+                       [_Patty in continuation_].
+
+
+Amen! Amen!--Sure my dear unhappy lady is enough to break one's heart to
+see her. I was not able to go on, good madam, and begged of my brother
+to set down what happened, and he has put it in better words than I
+could. My lady shut herself up for the remainder of the night, and would
+not suffer any one to come near her; it is easy to guess how she spent
+her time: rest, to be sure, she took none; she could not, if she had
+been inclined; for there was no bed in the chamber where she locked
+herself up. In the morning, a lady, who is our neighbour, a worthy good
+woman, came in her own coach, and took away my lady and the two
+children. She neither consented nor refused; but seemed to let us do
+what we would with her; for she said nothing, but suffered the lady and
+me to lead her down stairs, and put her into the coach. But the sight of
+the two children, threw her into such an agony, that I thought I should
+have died on the spot only with seeing her.
+
+I have writ again to lady Bidulph: if she is able, to be sure she will
+come down; but I had rather she would send for my lady, for this is a
+sorrowful place for her to stay in.
+
+
+                                _May 20_
+
+My lady has received a message from her mother, desiring her to come to
+town directly with the children. She says she is not able to come down
+for her, as her health is but bad; and my lady V---- has been so good as
+to send down her own coach to carry the little family to town.
+
+My brother has taken the care of my master's funeral upon himself. He is
+to be carried to the family burying place at Arnold-Abbey. As soon as
+that is over, we must try to get my lady to town; she has no business to
+go into her own lonely house again; it would be enough to kill her.
+
+
+                                _May 30_
+
+Thank God we have got back safe to London. My lady keeps up wonderfully,
+under the load of grief that she has at her heart. She does not complain
+nor lament herself, as I have seen some do, who have not been in half
+her trouble. She hardly spoke a word during her whole journey, and
+strove as much as possible not to cry; but I could observe that she
+never turned her eyes on the two little babes, one of whom sat on my
+lap, and the other beside me, but the tears ran down her cheeks.
+
+It was a doleful sight, the meeting between her and my lady Bidulph. The
+poor old lady grieves sadly, and looks mighty ill: I am afraid she will
+not hold out long; she has had great trials, for a lady so far in
+years. Sir George came to see my lady; he looked troubled: I hope he
+will be good to her.
+
+
+                                _June 1_
+
+My lady asked me this morning if I had thought of keeping any journal
+for this fortnight past. I told her I had, and she desired to see it.
+She shed so many tears while she read it, that the paper was quite wet
+when she gave it to me again. She ordered me to make up the packet, and
+send it off, as she was not in a condition to add any thing to it
+herself.
+
+
+                    [_Mrs Arnold in continuation_].
+
+
+                               _June 20_
+
+Yes, my dear Cecilia, I have need of the tender condolements, with which
+your last packet was filled. Well may you call me a child of affliction;
+I am now so exercised in sorrows, that I look forward to nothing else.
+
+Patty, I find, has been a faithful journalist; and has carried down her
+melancholy narrative to this day: this day, on which, for the first
+time, I have taken a pen in my hand for more than two months; but my
+eyes are much better, and I hope I shall not have occasion for the
+assistance of her pen, unless some new calamity should again disqualify
+me from using my own.
+
+Yet in the midst of my griefs, ought I not to return thanks to heaven,
+that I have such an asylum to fly to, as the arms of one of the best of
+mothers? Oh! my dear, while I have her, I ought not to say, that I have
+lost every thing. Sir George has been more obliging since my fatal loss
+than he was before; but still there wants that cordial heart which he
+formerly had. As for his lady, I know very little of her. She came to
+see me twice since my arrival in town, in all the formal parade of a
+state visit. How ill does the vanity of pomp suit with a house of
+mourning! Her visits were short, formal, and cold. She seems to be
+intolerably proud, and I thought looked as if she was disgusted at
+visiting people in lodgings, who were so nearly related to her. My
+brother and she are to go down this summer into Scotland, to see a
+nobleman who is her uncle by her mother's side. She is ridiculously vain
+of her family, and has taught Sir George to be so too; so that now he
+hardly vouchsafes to own a relation that is untitled.
+
+
+                               _June 21_
+
+Lady V----, whose friendship has been one of the chief resources of
+comfort to me, went out of town this morning. She is retired, for life I
+fear, to a distant part of Lancashire, in order to spend the rest of her
+days with her eldest sister, a widow lady, of whom she is very fond. Her
+son's ill behaviour has disgusted her so, she has broke with him
+intirely. Her younger son is gone into the army, not, I find, with her
+approbation: and she told me, she has nothing now worth living for, at
+least nothing for which she should subject herself to the cares of life.
+She insisted on my corresponding with her; and renewed her assurances of
+that kind attachment, which I have already so strongly experienced.
+
+At another time the loss of this dear woman's society would have
+affected me more sensibly; but I am so inured to disappointment and
+grief, that I am almost become a stoic.
+
+Patty has already informed you, that Miss Burchell is often with us; she
+is more sollicitous, more assiduous than ever in her attendance on my
+mother. I find she even sat up with her two nights, on an illness which
+seized her on her first hearing the news of my misfortune. Poor girl! My
+mother tells me she went so far as to express her apprehensions on my
+being again single; but my mother quieted her fears on that head (not
+without a soft reprimand for her doubting), by putting her in mind, that
+besides the circumstances not being altered in regard to her, she had
+received my solemn promise, that, whenever it was in my power, I would
+use my whole influence (whatever that might be) in her favour. I did
+make her such a promise, and shall fulfil it to the utmost.
+
+Mr Faulkland's absence from the kingdom hitherto put it out of my power;
+nor would I, without my beloved Mr Arnold's participation, have ever
+attempted it. Had he lived, fully restored as I was to his confidence
+and good opinion, I should have ventured to disclose the secret to him,
+and got him to join with me in such measures, as I should have thought
+best for Miss Burchell's happiness. It now rests upon myself alone, and
+I will leave nothing unattempted to serve her.
+
+
+                               _June 22_
+
+You will be surprized perhaps, my Cecilia, when I tell you that Mr
+Faulkland is now in England. Miss Burchell told me so this day. She
+mentioned it in a careless manner, rather directing her discourse to my
+mother. She had too much delicacy to hint at consequences of any kind
+from this circumstance, and quickly turned from the subject. My mother
+asked her impatiently, when he came; where he was; and several other
+questions; to none of which she could give any answer, but that she
+heard he had been returned above three months and was at his seat in
+Hertfordshire. I am surprized Sir George never mentioned this to me: to
+be sure he knew it; he is not extremely nice in his notions; however,
+this is a decorum for which I am obliged to him. Lady V---- doubtless
+was ignorant of it, or she would have told me.
+
+There is nothing now to prevent me from warmly interfering for Miss
+Burchell. Charming young woman! how is she to be pitied! The tedious
+years of suspence, of almost hopeless love, that she has passed, deserve
+a recompence; and her little boy, my mother tells me, is a lovely
+creature. Miss Burchell brought him once to see my mother; Mr
+Faulkland's former house-keeper visits the child often, and has brought
+his mother frequent and large supplies for his use.
+
+I told Miss Burchell, at parting to-day, that I had not forgot my
+promise; and that, as soon as decency would permit, nothing should
+hinder me from being a most strenuous advocate for her. She squeezed my
+hand, and whispered, dear madam, my fate is in your power!
+
+I would it were, then should she soon be happy. But I will acquit myself
+as far as I am able.
+
+
+                               _June 23_
+
+I was prevailed on to dine at my brother's to-day, the first time that I
+have been abroad ever since I came to town. I had no mind to go; but my
+mother, not being well, had excused herself; and she said, it would be
+taken amiss if I did so too, lady Sarah herself having made the
+invitation. Her ladyship said, I need not be fearful of meeting
+strangers at her house, as it was to be a private day. So much the
+better, thought I; nothing else should induce me to go.
+
+It was the first time I ever was in Sir George's house, which is a very
+magnificent one, within a door or two of Mr Faulkland's, in St
+James's-Square, as lady Sarah did not approve of that which he had
+before. But, my dear, the ostentation of this woman made me sick; such a
+parade of grandeur, such an unnecessary display of state and splendor, I
+thought, looked like an insult upon me. I was carried into a most
+sumptuous drawing-room; but as this was a private day, as she called
+it, the furniture was all covered up with body-cloths; and the room,
+having been newly washed, felt extremely cold.
+
+I was told her ladyship was dressing, though it was then, as I imagined,
+her dinner-time. After I had shivered here for about half an hour, lady
+Sarah's woman came to desire me to walk up stairs. As the woman did not
+know me, and, from the little ceremony she saw me treated with,
+concluded I was some humble visitor, she took me up the back stairs to
+her lady's dressing-room, where I found lady Sarah, who was not yet half
+dressed, in consultation with her millener. The woman was trying some
+head-dresses on her before the glass. She made me a very slight apology
+for having kept me waiting so long; and, to mend the matter, told me, as
+she was not near ready, if I chose looking at the house, I should have
+time enough to do it before dinner. I thanked her; but said, I had
+already sat so long in the cold, that I felt myself chilled; and, with
+her ladyship's permission, would place myself at her fire-side till
+dinner was ready. She asked her woman, carelessly, why I had not been
+shewn into the dining-parlour. She then turned to her millener again, to
+whom she gave a particular charge to have a suit of very rich point,
+which she had fixed on, done up for her against the next night; by which
+I found my sister was going to throw off her mourning intirely; that
+which she had on being so slight, that it was scarcely to be
+distinguished for such.
+
+My brother entered the room while she was thus employed; and having
+saluted me, looked at his watch, and asked lady Sarah, had she ordered
+dinner later than usual? She told him, she had ordered it half an hour
+later than ordinary, as she had a mind to make a long morning, having
+dedicated it to trades-people, with whom she had a hundred things to
+settle. My brother cast a side-glance at me: I thought he looked a
+little abashed at the impertinence and ill-breeding of his wife.
+
+Lady Sarah had by this time huddled on her cloaths: a laced footman
+appeared at the door, who summoned us, by a silent bow, to dinner.
+
+The millener gathered up her frippery, and put them into a band-box;
+telling her, she would wait on her ladyship again. Lady Sarah answered,
+You have got a monstrous way to go, Mrs--(I forget the name); and, as I
+have not half done with you yet, you may stay and dine here, as we are
+alone, and I will look over the rest of the things in the evening, as I
+shall not have another leisure day while I am in town.
+
+This was going a little too far: Sir George felt it. I believe, lady
+Sarah, said he, this gentlewoman has a coach waiting for her at the door
+(he had seen it, for he was but just come in); perhaps it may be
+inconvenient to detain her: she may leave the things, and call another
+time. The woman took the hint, though she before seemed inclined to
+accept of the honour lady Sarah had done her. She made her curt'sey, and
+withdrew. As this, however, had brought on a variety of fresh
+instructions, it detained us so long, that the dinner was quite cold;
+nor was our repast, had it even been warm, by any means answerable to
+the elegance of the service, the superb sideboard, and the number of
+attendants. In short, the dinner was composed of a parcel of tossed-up
+dishes, that looked like the fragments of a feast. You know there is
+nobody more indifferent to the pleasures of the table than I am; yet I
+own that this, joined to the rest of this foolish woman's behaviour,
+nettled me extremely. There was such a mixture of sordidness and vanity
+in the whole apparatus, as made it truly contemptible.
+
+I made haste to put an end to my visit, as soon as I possibly could
+after dinner, with a resolution never to repeat it.
+
+From these few sketches of lady Sarah, you may form some kind of an idea
+of what sort of creature it is. I should pity Sir George, but that I
+think her disposition is not extremely opposite to his own.
+
+
+                               _June 24_
+
+I am told that the widow Arnold is actually married to that vile
+attorney who was the contriver, and more than partner, in her
+iniquity. I am really glad she has lost the name of a family to which
+she was a disgrace. Every-body now believes that I and my children
+have been greatly injured; but how unavailing is compassion; it only
+mortifies, when it is expressed by the pitying words and looks of
+people, who have it neither in their power nor inclination to assist
+you. This Mrs Arnold, bad as she is, is visited and caressed. Favour
+always follows the fortunate.
+
+
+                               _June 25_
+
+This day Sir George and his lady set out for Scotland. He came to
+take his leave of us; but made an apology for lady Sarah, whose hurry
+would not permit her to call on us. My brother says, they shall stay
+some months at her uncle's, Lord K----. He told me, at parting, he
+should write to me as soon as he got to his journey's end, having
+something very particular to say to me.
+
+
+                                _July 7_
+
+I have read over my journal of the last fortnight, and am startled to
+think what a poor insignificant being I am! Not a single act worth
+recording, even to _you_. My whole life perhaps may have passed so; yet
+one is apt to fancy, that they are doing something of importance, while
+they are engaged in the little bustle of the world, be it in ever so
+trifling a manner; and when you find you have a variety of incidents to
+relate, in which you yourself were concerned, that your time has not
+been spent in vain. But for these last fourteen days, had I kept a
+journal for my cat, I think I should have had as much to say for her.
+
+
+                                _July 8_
+
+
+I shall grow busy again: I have received the promised letter from Sir
+George; an extraordinary one it is: but I will not anticipate the
+contents; read them yourself.
+
+    Dear Sidney,                                      _July 4, 1706._
+
+    I have a serious subject to offer to your consideration, which
+    made me the rather chuse to engage your attention in this manner,
+    than in a conversation between ourselves; liable as that would be
+    to interruptions, objections, and frivolous punctilios, from which
+    you have already suffered so severely.
+
+    I have paid so much regard to that decorum of which you are so
+    fond, as never to have mentioned Mr Faulkland's name to you since
+    you were become a widow, though it is near four months since he
+    returned to England.
+
+    As I kept up a correspondence with him when he was abroad, you may
+    be sure I informed him of your reconciliation to your late
+    husband; a reconciliation, which, if you thought it a happiness to
+    you, you were indebted to Faulkland for. This single circumstance
+    it was that inclined him to return to England, which otherwise
+    perhaps he would never again have seen, though the necessity of
+    his affairs here, which he had left at random, required his
+    presence. To avoid giving umbrage to your husband, he repaired
+    privately to his house in the country, where I paid him a visit.
+    Few of his friends, except myself, knew of his being in the
+    kingdom.
+
+    Remember, Sidney, the great obligations you have to Mr Faulkland,
+    and let that prepare your mind for what I am going to say.
+
+    You are now become a free woman: Faulkland loves you still, with
+    an unparallel'd affection. I had a letter from him soon after your
+    arrival in town, wherein he mentions the revival of his hopes from
+    your present situation, and intreats me to be mindful of his
+    interest. He charged me, however, not to mention his name to you,
+    till a decent time was passed; otherwise probably you would have
+    been acquainted with these particulars sooner: but Faulkland
+    himself has a little too much of that ridiculous nicety which you
+    admire so. I think I have waited till a _very_ decent time, as you
+    have now been almost three months a widow.
+
+    I have very little reason to imagine that _my_ influence, on this
+    occasion, will have any weight either with you or my mother: I
+    have had proofs of this already; but I hope you will not be so
+    blind to your own interest, as to refuse the good that fortune
+    once more throws at your feet. I can hardly suppose you so weak,
+    as to let the absurd objection, which formerly prevented your
+    happiness, still prevail with you to reject the same happiness, so
+    unexpectedly again offered to your acceptance.
+
+    My mother and you have by this time learnt how to forgive _human
+    frailties_. Indeed you forgave such enormities, that Faulkland's
+    transgression, in comparison of them, was innocence. But I will
+    not reproach the memory of the dead.
+
+    Whatever pretence you might formerly have had to carry your
+    punctilios to an extraordinary height, certain circumstances in
+    your life have now made your situation very different. You are
+    destitute of fortune, incumbered with children. Reflect on this,
+    and let your own imagination supply the rest. To any-body but
+    yourself, I should think all that I have said needless; but I know
+    the minds that I have to deal with.
+
+    I must take this opportunity of telling you, that I am surprized
+    at my mother's continued attachment to Miss Burchell; she is an
+    artful creature, and, I think, by no means a proper acquaintance
+    for you. I am far from wishing to injure her; but such an intimacy
+    may be dangerous.
+
+    You will certainly hear from Faulkland before it be long. I repeat
+    it again, You owe him more than ever you will be able to repay:
+    the recompence he deserves will ensure your own happiness and
+    prosperity: your gratitude, as well as your prudence, will now be
+    put to the test, and your conduct, on this occasion, will
+    determine me as to the light in which I shall henceforth consider
+    you.
+
+    Present my duty to my mother. Lady Sarah desires her service may
+    be accepted.
+
+          I am, &c.
+
+What a letter is this, my sister! But Sir George is still himself;
+gross; void of sentiment: he dreams of nothing but the glaring
+advantages that fortune and rank in life procure. And how he argues
+too! Weak arguer! He _will not suppose that the objection_ (absurd
+he calls it), _which formerly prevented my happiness, should still
+prevail with me to reject the same happiness_--Why not? Is the
+nature of Mr Faulkland's offence changed? Has he ever repaired it?
+Has not Miss Burchell the same claim she ever had? Nay, a stronger
+than ever, if years of unabated love can give it her? _My mother and
+I have by this time learnt to forgive human frailties; nay, we forgave
+enormities_--Unkind brother, to rake up the unfortunate ashes of my
+beloved. We have, indeed, learnt to forgive human frailties; but they
+were the frailties of a husband, a repenting husband, who was seduced to
+the commission of those crimes which he abhorred: but surely that is no
+plea for my overlooking the faults of another, to whom I am under no
+such tie. I am now _without fortune, and incumbered with children_.
+Indelicate man! does he think _that_ an argument in favour of his
+proposal? It is a strong one against it. Shall I, who, when I was in the
+virgin-bloom of youth, flattered with some advantages of person, which
+time and grief have since impaired, and not destitute of fortune; I, who
+then rejected Mr Faulkland from motives which still subsist; shall I,
+now that I have lost those advantages, meanly condescend to accept of
+this rejected man? This would, indeed, be acknowleging, that the
+humiliating change had levelled me to those principles which I formerly
+contemned; would lay me under mortifying obligations to Mr Faulkland,
+and destroy the merit of that refusal which proceeded from such
+justifiable motives.
+
+No, my sordid brother! if I _could_ recompence Mr Faulkland as he
+deserves at my hands, I _would_ do it; but, with such a mind as I bear,
+it cannot be done your way. I say nothing of the promise I made Miss
+Burchell; if I had never made her such, my sentiments would be the same
+from those other considerations; but such a promise, binding as it is,
+determined my conduct beyond the possibility of a doubt.
+
+How unreasonable are Sir George's prejudices with regard to this unhappy
+young creature! He is for ever throwing out some invective against her.
+It is cruel; but I am tempted to forgive him, as I know it proceeds from
+his attachment to his friend. He need not put me in mind of the
+gratitude I owe Mr Faulkland; I am thoroughly sensible of it; but Sir
+George and I differ widely in our ideas of expressing this gratitude. My
+_conduct in this affair is to determine him as to the light in which he
+is hereafter to consider me_. Why, be it so. He has long lost the
+tenderness of a brother for me; I will not regain it at the expence of
+my honour. I know the worst that can befall me is poverty. I have
+already experienced almost every possible ill in life but that, and for
+that I am prepared. But I will not call myself poor while I have an
+upright heart to support me; and the means, poor and despicable as they
+are, of sustaining life. But what do I call despicable? Have I not an
+estate, my dear, a whole fifty pounds a year, that I can call my own?
+This much was reserved to me out of my jointure when the rest was sold;
+and on this, whenever it pleases heaven to take my mother away, will I
+retire to some cottage in a cheap country, where my two children and I
+will live, and smile at the rich and the great.
+
+My brother's letter has vexed and disgusted me exceedingly. _Lady Sarah
+presents her service._ Vain woman! is that a becoming phrase to the
+mother of her husband? I am so provoked, I think I shall not answer him:
+he has no relish for such arguments as I could produce in support of my
+own opinions, and my writing to him would only bring on disagreeable
+altercations. My mother is in a downright passion with him: Selfish
+wretch! she called him; and said, he would sacrifice both honour and
+justice to his own pride.
+
+
+                               _July 19_
+
+Miss Burchell; poor soul, how I pity her! Her anxiety increases every
+hour. She, you may be sure, keeps a look-out on all Mr Faulkland's
+motions; for, she tells me, she hears he is arrived in town. I suppose I
+shall receive a notice of some kind or other from him. The unhappy
+girl; she grieves me to see her! There was never so extravagant a love
+as her's: she has nourished it in solitude, and I believe has a heart
+naturally tender to an uncommon degree; otherwise she could not,
+for so long a time, and with so little hopes, have preserved so
+undiminished a fondness; but some accidents have, I know not how,
+combined to feed this flame. She acknowleges that Mr Faulkland's
+being disappointed in espousing me, gave the first encouragement to
+her hopes; for, she said, she had reason to believe that I was the only
+woman in the world that stood between her and her happiness; and
+Mr Faulkland's remaining single ever since, confirmed her in that
+opinion. Then the generous attention that he paid to her welfare, in
+recommending her to my mother's notice, when he first left England;
+the noble supplies that he constantly furnished her with ever since for
+the child's use; his behaviour to Mrs Gerrarde, who, she says, is the
+most ensnaring of creatures; the tender manner that he mentioned
+her in his letter to my brother; my mother's constantly indulging her
+in the belief that she would one day recover Mr Faulkland's
+affections: all these circumstances, I say, joined together, have kept
+alive the warmest and most romantic love I ever saw or heard of. Well
+may the men say, that forsaken women are always the most passionate
+lovers: it may be so, and Miss Burchell is one instance of the truth of
+this observation; but I think _I_ should never make another. There is
+something to me unaccountable in this; but Miss Burchell is all made
+up of languishments and softness. I have heard her speak of Mr
+Faulkland in so rapturous a strain as has amazed me; and she once
+owned to me, that she is sure she must have died, if he had not
+returned her love! Return it! Ah! my Cecilia, how did he return it?
+How mortifying is her situation! to be compelled to court the man
+who flies her, and to make use of a rival's mediation too! but let me
+forget that name; I am no longer so to her, and shall do my best to
+prove it. She wearied me with importunities to write to Mr
+Faulkland, now he is come to town; but I beseeched her to have a
+little patience, till some overture was first made by him toward a
+renewal of our acquaintance, which, I told her, it was very probable I
+should soon receive. You may be sure I took care not to let her know
+of the intimation I had from Sir George. She seems fearful of my
+seeing Mr Faulkland. Oh! madam, said she, if he beholds your face
+again, I am undone, unless you can first prevail with him--She
+stopped. 'I understand you, dear Miss Burchell; I give you my word I
+will not see Mr Faulkland, unless I am first convinced I can restore
+him to you.' 'How good you are, madam! your influence, all potent as
+it is, can work miracles. If Mr Faulkland is _sure_ you will never be his,
+perhaps he may return to his _first_ love.' My dear, ought she to have
+said so? But it is no matter; it is nothing to me now, who was his first
+or second love.
+
+
+                               _July 20_
+
+It has happened to my wish; a billet from Mr Faulkland, sent with
+compliments and how-do-ye's, to my mother and me. Miss Burchell,
+who almost lives with us, was present when I received it: her colour
+came and went several times while our servant delivered his message.
+I gave the letter into her hand as soon as I had read it. There is
+nothing alarming in it, madam, said I; see yourself; only a few
+friendly lines, such as I might expect. Her hands shook while she
+held the paper. Now, madam, said she, returning it; now you have a
+charming opportunity of writing to him. I shall not fail, said I, to
+make use of it, and will let you see what I write.
+
+These are the contents of Mr Faulkland's letter:
+
+    Will you, madam, permit a forgotten, though not the least zealous
+    of your friends, to enquire after your welfare? Forgive me, if I
+    renew your grief, when I tell you, that, as I must participate in
+    every thing that relates to you, I have deeply mourned with you on
+    the late calamity that has befallen you. When Lady Bidulph opens
+    her doors to her general acquaintance; if I may presume to mingle
+    in the crowd, and kiss her hands, I shall esteem it as a
+    particular honour; but will not, without her permission, attempt
+    it. She is too good to refuse me this indulgence: you, madam, I
+    hope, will not forbid it to
+
+                           The humblest, and
+                     most devoted of your servants,
+
+    _Wednesday                                 ORLANDO FAULKLAND.
+     morning._
+
+Yes, Orlando, I must forbid you; I know the consequences of thy
+insidious visits. I'll try you to the quick. You have given me an
+opportunity of writing to you (I think) without any impropriety. Miss
+Burchell's interest is uppermost in my wishes, and I will at least try
+what my influence on this romantic wayward heart can effect.
+
+How happy should I think myself, if _my_ mediation, _all potent_ as she
+called it, would have the desired success!
+
+
+                               _July 21_
+
+I wrote to Mr Faulkland last night: my mother approved of the letter,
+which I shewed her before I sent it. Mr Faulkland was abroad when
+it was left at his house; but as I received an answer to it early this
+morning, I will give you copies of the two letters together; and first
+that of mine to Mr Faulkland.
+
+    I thank you, sir, thank you from my heart, for your friendship,
+    and beg you will not think me ungrateful for having thus long
+    deferred to pay you my acknowlegements for the signal favours I
+    have received at your hands. I am sensible, Sir, that it was owing
+    to your compassion, your generosity, and disinterested nobleness
+    of mind, that I was once indebted for the greatest blessing of my
+    life. To you I owe the vindicating of my suspected faith, and the
+    being restored to the affection of my dear husband. For this
+    goodness I have never ceased to bless and pray for you, and shall
+    continue to do so while I live. But oh! Sir, while you have given
+    _me_ so much cause for gratitude and esteem, why will you leave
+    one heart to sigh for your unkindness? a heart that admires, that
+    loves, that adores you! a heart worthy of your acceptance, and
+    which has a right to demand all your tenderness. Need I name the
+    amiable possessor of this heart? I need not; there is but one
+    woman in the world who owns this description: for her let me
+    become an advocate; she has won me to her party: indeed. Sir, she,
+    and she only, deserves your love. Her's, I am sure, you have ever
+    possessed unrivalled, though her youth, beauty, and charming
+    accomplishments, must have made her the object of every one's
+    wishes who saw her. 'Tis above four years since you first won her
+    virgin affections. What has been her portion since that fatal
+    time? Tears, solitude, and unremitting anguish. How can a mind
+    like yours, susceptible as it is of pity for the woes of others,
+    condemn _such_ a woman to perpetual sorrow? How can that
+    generosity, which has been so active on other occasions, droop and
+    languish where there is _such_ a cause to call forth all its
+    exertions?
+
+    Do, Mr Faulkland, permit pity to plead in your bosom for the dear
+    Miss Burchell. I should urge paternal affection too; but to the
+    voice of nature you cannot be deaf. Your sweet little son calls
+    upon you to do him and his mother justice; the injured lady
+    herself implores your compassion; my mother, who equally admires
+    and loves her, intreats you; I, whom you once esteemed, conjure
+    you; the secret monitor in your own soul must join in our
+    sollicitations. Why, then, why will you shut your ears against
+    the united voice of reason, of conscience, and of gratitude? You
+    cannot, you will not do it. Miss Burchell's merit and sufferings
+    must be rewarded; and I shall bless Mr Faulkland as the guardian
+    of the injured, the patron of the afflicted, the assertor of his
+    own, as well as of my honour. This is the light, and this only, in
+    which I shall rejoice to see him.
+
+
+                       _Mr_ FAULKLAND's _Answer_
+
+    You do well, Madam, you do well to anticipate my suit; and, with
+    so much cruel eloquence, to bid me despair. Yes, I see Miss
+    Burchell has won you to her party; but what have I done to merit
+    such a malevolent fate, that you, you of all created beings,
+    should become _her_ advocate? I little thought Mrs Arnold would
+    make such a barbarous use of her power. Tell me, thou dear tyrant,
+    how have I deserved this? Would it not have been kinder to have
+    said at once, Faulkland, do not hope; I never will be yours; I
+    hate, I despise you, and leave you to your fate? Oh! no; you are
+    artful in your cruelty; you would prevent even my wishes, and cut
+    off my hopes in their blossom, before they dare to unfold
+    themselves to you.
+
+    But you have furnished me with weapons against yourself, and I
+    will use them with as little mercy as you have shewn to me. If
+    four years are past since I won Miss Burchell's affections, is it
+    not also _as_ long that I have loved you with an ardor--Oh thou
+    insensible! Were you not mine by your own consent, with your
+    mother's approbation? Was not the day, the hour fixed, that I was
+    to have led you to the altar? Miss Burchell's hopes were never
+    raised to such a pitch as mine, when an avenging fiend snatched
+    the promised blessing from my grasp. Think what were then my
+    sufferings. I saw you afterwards in the arms of another. Miss
+    Burchell never suffered _such_ torture. Had I seen you _happy_, I
+    might have been consoled. If Miss Burchell loved me as I have
+    loved you, she would rejoice in the prospect of my felicity. I
+    should have done so in your's, Heaven is my witness! Had you been
+    happy, I should not have thought myself miserable, though you were
+    lost to my hopes.
+
+    Why do you compel me to urge an ungrateful truth in regard to Miss
+    Burchell? Madam, she has no claim to my vows: my gratitude, my
+    compassion, she has an ample right to, and she has them. More
+    might by this time have been her's, if I had never seen Mrs
+    Arnold.
+
+    Remember, I do not yet desire permission to throw myself at your
+    feet; I revere you too much to make such a request; but do not
+    banish me your presence. I cannot always be proof against such
+    rigours. Indulge me at least in the hope that time may do
+    something in my favour. I will not desire you to tell me so; but
+    do not forbid it. Lady Bidulph knows I respect her; but she is
+    still obdurate. If _she_ relented, would not _you_ madam, do so
+    too?
+                                                       I am, &c.
+
+How this man distresses me, my dear! What a difficult task have I
+undertaken! yet I will go through with it. I am fearful of letting Miss
+Burchell see his answer, so discouraging as it is for her; yet how can I
+withhold it from her sight? 'Tis necessary I should conceal nothing from
+her on this occasion; she confides in me, and I must not give her cause
+for suspicion. _She has no right to his vows._ This he always said. It
+is necessary the lady should be quite explicit with me. I doubt she has
+not been altogether sincere in what she has said to my mother on this
+subject. I shall see her presently, and discourse with her more
+particularly on this head than I have ever yet done....
+
+I have had a conference with Miss Burchell, a long one, and in private;
+for I told my mother I wished to talk with her alone.
+
+I began with shewing her Mr Faulkland's last letter. It had the effect I
+expected. She was exceedingly shocked. I laid my finger on that
+paragraph, _She has no right to my vows_. It is necessary, my dear
+madam, said I, that you should be perfectly open and candid with me on
+this head. I have entered the lists for you, and will not give up your
+cause; but it depends on you to furnish me with every possible argument
+in your favour. If you mislead me by wrong insinuations, instead of
+putting it in my power to serve you, you will only create to yourself
+fresh obstacles.
+
+It is a nice subject, madam, and what I have ever been cautious of
+touching upon to you; but in the present situation of your affairs, it
+is of the utmost importance to you, that you should have no reserves to
+me. When Mr Faulkland first recommended you to my mother's acquaintance,
+he referred her to your honour, for an explanation of certain points, of
+so delicate a nature, that I am loath to touch upon them. But pardon me,
+dear Miss Burchell, you must be open with me. Mr Faulkland was obliged
+to declare, in his own justification, that he never sought to gain your
+affections; and was so far from endeavouring to take advantage of the
+kind sentiments you had for him, that he avoided all opportunities of
+improving them; that he was even surprized into the fatal step, which
+has since made you so unhappy, by the artifices of that vile woman, who
+had the care of you.
+
+Mr Faulkland relied so intirely on your candour, that, as I told you
+before, he referred my mother to you, for a confirmation of the truth of
+what he advanced; imagining that your testimony would in some measure
+extenuate his fault. My mother, I have reason to believe, has heard the
+story from you in a light less favourable to Mr Faulkland. I was married
+before she received any information on this subject from you; and as any
+extenuation on Mr Faulkland's side was then become a matter of
+indifference to me, I enquired not into particulars; but by what I could
+judge from my mother's discourse then, and from hints which she has many
+times dropped since, I am inclined to believe, that either Mr Faulkland
+concealed some particulars, or that you, from a delicacy very natural to
+a young lady in such circumstances, chose to draw a veil over some parts
+of your story. But, dear madam, all disguises must now be thrown aside;
+depend upon it, your candour will more effectually recommend you to Mr
+Faulkland's esteem, than any thing else; and, perhaps, your justifying
+him to _me_, may be no immaterial circumstance in your favour.
+
+Variety of passions discovered themselves on her face while I spoke, but
+shame was predominant. She was mute, and hung down her head. I took her
+by the hand, Do not think, my dear, I mean to ensnare you; far be such
+perfidy from my heart! Have I not promised you my assistance? I declare,
+by every thing that is sacred, you shall have it to the utmost stretch
+of my power; but do not let a false bashfulness stand between you and
+sincerity; you will stop up the way to your own happiness if you do.
+Speak, dear madam, has Mr Faulkland been just in his representations?
+
+She burst into a flood of tears: Oh! madam, you read my very soul; what
+disguise can I make use of, before such penetrating eyes as yours? Yes,
+Mr Faulkland _has_ spoke the truth, shameful as the confession is for
+me, I own it. Mrs Gerrarde, base woman! betrayed me; my own mad passion
+did the rest. Mr Faulkland told me, a few days after the fatal meeting,
+that he was the most miserable man on earth for what had happened: he
+said, there was a lady in the world to whom he was bound to offer his
+hand; that her brother was his particular friend; that his marriage was
+then actually negotiating; and he was pressed on that occasion to return
+to London. He owned he had never seen the lady, but as his honour was
+engaged to her brother, he could not look upon himself as a free man. He
+cursed his ill fate, that he had not had an opportunity of informing me
+of this sooner; which, he said, might have prevented me from casting
+away my affection on a man, who could not deserve it. What could I say,
+madam? There was no room for reproaches or complaints. I made none; I
+had nobody to accuse but myself. I had declared my frantic love to Mr
+Faulkland unasked; I had implored his in return: in one dreadful moment
+I fell a sacrifice to my own weakness. The only hope that now remained
+for me, was built on that circumstance of Mr Faulkland's having never
+seen his destined bride. Had I known you, madam, to have been the
+person, there could have sprung but small comfort from that
+consideration; but ignorant as I was of the lady's merit, I thought it
+not impossible but that some objection might have arisen either to her
+person or temper; or the lady, perhaps, (though that I thought almost
+incredible) might not approve of Mr Faulkland: in either case, some
+glimmerings of hope remained for me. Mr Faulkland's generous compassion
+for me, gave me room to think he did not hate me, and I was unwilling to
+lose the little interest I thought I had gained in his heart, by _fond
+complainings_, much less upbraidings, for which he had given me no
+cause. I therefore acquiesced, determined to wait for what my fate was
+to do with me; resolving privately in my own mind, that in case Mr
+Faulkland's intended nuptials should not take place, to remind him of my
+love. I did not confess to my aunt what had been the result of that
+interview, which she had contrived between Mr Faulkland and me: shame
+would not suffer me to indulge it. But it was not long in my power to
+conceal it: I believe indeed, she suspected it before. She reproached me
+for the error which she herself had caused; but I believe, what most
+nettled her was Mr Faulkland's having escaped the snare; for I am sure
+she would have been base enough to have had me retain him as a lover,
+though I could not secure him for a husband; for he was not the first,
+that this bad woman would have seduced me to favour, for her own private
+interest.
+
+In the midst of the horror, into which the condition I found myself
+threw me, I heard that Mr Faulkland was on the point of being married.
+
+<p>The prospect I had before me drove me to despair. I knew I could not
+remain long in my uncle's house. I knew not whither to fly. In my
+distraction I wrote to Mr Faulkland: You, madam, saw the letter, that
+ill-fated letter, which deprived Mr Faulkland of his happiness.
+
+I soon received an answer, wherein Mr Faulkland related to me at large
+the unfortunate consequences that letter had produced. He lamented, in
+the tenderest manner, my unhappy situation; told me, he would provide me
+a proper place for my retreat; and, as I was an entire stranger in
+London, having never been there, would recommend me to the notice of one
+of the best of women, lady Bidulph, from whom, as my unhappy story was
+known to her, I might expect the utmost humanity. And here, madam, with
+blushes let me own it, he urged me not to conceal a single circumstance
+of the truth from that lady.
+
+'You know, said he, my dear Miss Burchell, I am not a seducer; rescue me
+from that black suspicion; and, as far as the unhappy case will admit,
+clear my honour to lady Bidulph. See what a reliance I have on _your_
+honour, when I trust the vindicating of my own to you, in such delicate
+circumstances. He concluded his letter with telling me frankly, that
+though he had been rejected by Miss Bidulph, he loved her with such an
+ardent passion, that it was impossible for him ever to think of any
+other woman; and till he had a heart to bestow, he should never
+entertain a thought of marriage.'
+
+You know Mr Faulkland at this juncture went abroad; and thus was I
+circumstanced when I came to that house, which he had provided for me.
+And so frank and noble were his proceedings, that I solemnly declare, I
+was determined, though at the hazard of divulging my own shame, to have
+acquitted him to the utmost of my power to lady Bidulph; and should have
+rejoiced, could I have been the means of procuring him the happiness he
+deserved, in regaining your favour; as I had been, though unknowingly,
+the unlucky cause of his losing it. But fortune had disposed of you
+otherwise, before I saw lady Bidulph. This she quickly informed me of,
+and I will own to you, madam, that as I found there was now an
+insuperable bar to Mr Faulkland's hopes, I was mean enough not to have
+the courage to speak truth. I saw it could not avail him, in regard to
+his prospects with you. Lady Bidulph's eye awed me; yet I think she led
+me into a justification of myself, so great were her prejudices against
+Mr Faulkland. Or, perhaps, having already disposed of you in marriage,
+in vindication of this step, she did not wish to be undeceived. Yes,
+again, in spite of my confusion, I must repeat it, I was not sincere; I
+threw out such hints to lady Bidulph, as must have made her think Mr
+Faulkland had taken pains to undo me: to this act of disingenuousness,
+my sole motive was, that I might appear in a less culpable light in the
+eyes of a lady of such strict virtue as your mother. By making her my
+friend, I was in hopes one day of making you so too. Devoted, as Mr
+Faulkland was, to the most charming woman in the world, I was not afraid
+of his making a second choice. I thought, if he _were_ to be induced to
+marry, he might, in time, be prevailed upon to turn his thoughts towards
+me. In this hope I have dragged on so many tedious years. I was not
+mistaken in my opinion, that he could find none worthy to succeed Mrs
+Arnold in his heart. He loves you still, madam; but you have declared
+you will never be his; he is still free; these are the circumstances
+that nourish my hope. My heart is in your hand; I have made you mistress
+of my dearest secret. Can you forgive me, madam? But you have an heroic
+soul! Remember, Mrs Arnold, to your generosity I now trust what is
+dearer to me than life. Should Mr Faulkland know, should lady Bidulph
+know, how I have abused their confidence, I think I could not outlive
+it.
+
+They never shall, madam, said I: I thank you for this frank
+acknowlegement of your heart; such a proof of your confidence in me, I
+should be a wretch to abuse; and I hope to make such a use of the candid
+confession you have now made me, as will greatly promote your interest.
+
+And is it possible, madam, said she, you can yield up the interest you
+have in Mr Faulkland without a pang? Oh! the exquisite charmer! and she
+said it with such an emphasis, drawing out her breath in long sighs. But
+you are heroic, as I said before: Nature did not mold your heart, as she
+has done those of the rest of your sex. Who that was beloved by Mr
+Faulkland, would yield him to another? Worlds! ten thousand worlds would
+I give to be beloved by him as you are! but you are a prodigy of a
+woman! I stopped Miss Burchell in her transports. There is less merit,
+madam, than you ascribe to me in my conduct: I readily acquiesced under
+my mother's rejection of Mr Faulkland, when he _had_ some interest in my
+heart; but there is no self-denial in what I am now about to do for you.
+My affections have long since changed their object, and now lie buried
+with him in his grave.
+
+My tears here bore witness to the truth of what I said: Miss Burchell
+wept too. Her mind was agitated; the confession she had made to me had
+humbled her; her heart overflowed with fondness; I had filled her with
+pleasing hopes: all these sensations combined together, melting her
+into tenderness: she is made up of tears, and sighs, and romantic
+wishes.
+
+I can now, said I, assure Mr Faulkland, that you have done him justice,
+and that he is highly obliged to your candour.
+
+She interrupted me; But, madam, if he should know how _late_ my
+acknowlegements came--He need not know it, said I; my mother shall not
+know it either; leave every thing to my management, and depend upon my
+word. She snatched my hand eagerly, and kissed it.
+
+But oh! madam, above all things, said she, let not Sir George Bidulph
+know any thing of your intended goodness, in mediating for me. He hates
+me, implacably he hates me. I upbraid him not for it: his strong
+attachment to Mr Faulkland is the cause of it: he accuses me in his
+heart of being the occasion (which I own I was, though ignorantly) of Mr
+Faulkland's disappointment. I am sure, were he to know what you design
+in my favour, he would counterwork you, and use all his influence over
+his friend to ruin me.
+
+I made her easy on this head, by assuring her Sir George should know
+nothing of the matter; and put her in mind how lucky it was for her that
+he was absent.
+
+I cannot help thinking, my Cecilia, that there is a sort of fatality has
+attended Mr Faulkland's attachment to me. By what a strange accident did
+we come to the knowledge of Miss Burchell's affair! How strong were my
+mother's prepossessions against Mr Faulkland; and how many little
+circumstances concurred her to encourage in this disposition! His letter
+from Bath to my brother helped to confirm her in her dislike of his
+conduct; Miss Burchell's letter to Mr Faulkland, though meant very
+differently, was a strong motive of condemnation. The only means of
+justification left for him, my mother did not apply to, till it was too
+late; and then that very circumstances of it's _being_ too late to serve
+him, Miss Burchell acknowleges, was the reason that the very method
+which he had proposed for his defence, was turned to his condemnation.
+
+Rooted, as my mother's prejudices were, she engages herself, she engages
+me, in a promise, to use my endeavours to promote Miss Burchell's
+marriage with Mr Faulkland. Does this not look as if some unseen power,
+who guides our actions, had set a stamp of disapprobation on the union
+between this man and me.
+
+I wish I had seen that letter which Mr Faulkland wrote to my brother
+from Bath: my mother said, she did not read it through. He treated the
+subject lightly, and there was one circumstance in particular in it
+that shocked her; and yet surely, if the _whole_ might not have borne a
+favourable construction, Sir George would not have shewn her that
+account, by way of justifying his friend. This reflection comes too
+late! Why did it not occur sooner to my mother or to me? We drew no
+other inference from Sir George's disclosing this letter, than that as
+Mr Faulkland treated the affair ludicrously, it was therefore expected,
+both by him and my brother, that we should consider it so too. That
+could not have been the case. Miss Burchell's confession has opened my
+eyes.--Poor Mr Faulkland! What wayward fate is thine! But let me beware
+of relenting; that might be fatal. There is still one indelible blot
+remains upon his conduct. Miss Burchell, blameable as she acknowleges
+herself, was still betrayed; and though not by Mr Faulkland, yet sure
+his having paid the price of her innocence to the wicked aunt, renders
+him so far guilty, as that he owes her a great reparation. This was a
+particular I durst not touch upon; the unhappy girl herself being
+ignorant of it. There is a wide gulph fixed between Mr Faulkland and me.
+How many things are leagued against him! Alas! he thinks the principal
+bar to his hopes is removed, and that if Miss Burchell has been just, he
+ought to be forgiven. But he little knows thy Sidney's heart; critically
+delicate as my situation is, in regard him, I am removed a thousand
+times farther than ever from his wishes. Neither knows he the
+engagements I am under to Miss Burchell; which alone would put an
+ever-lasting bar between us. Unhappy Miss Burchell! She has bound me to
+her by stronger ties than ever. She has been ingenuous; she has owned
+her weakness to me; she declares she would have done this sooner, if it
+could have promoted my happiness: perhaps she would; shall I not then
+endeavour to promote her's? I will, I must; my word is given. Yet
+Faulkland deserves--oh! he deserves a worthier lot.
+
+
+
+
+                               VOLUME III
+
+
+                               _June 22_
+
+I now send you, my Cecilia, my second Letter to Mr Faulkland.
+
+    'Why do you compel me, Sir, noble and disinterested as your
+    conduct has been towards me, to accuse you now of unkindness? You
+    call me insensible--oh! it is from my too great sensibility that
+    all my sorrows have sprung. Destitute as I am of happiness myself,
+    or even of a possibility of ever attaining it here, I look for no
+    other comfort in this life, but what must arise from seeing those
+    whom I most esteem in possession of that tranquillity of mind,
+    which I can never hope to enjoy. If Mr Faulkland were happy, if
+    Miss Burchell were happy, I should be less miserable. Remember,
+    Sir, it was not this lady's fault that you were disappointed in
+    your former hope. She did not try, by female wiles, to engage a
+    heart which you refused her. She used no ungenerous arts to cross
+    your wishes. Loving you as she did, almost to distraction, she
+    yielded you up in silent anguish to a rival; a rival superior to
+    herself in nothing. I acknowlege, Sir, I was to have been yours,
+    and with my own consent; but was it not also with my own consent
+    those bonds were cancelled, by which we were to have been united?
+    I was then convinced Miss Burchell had a prior claim; I think so
+    still, and ever shall. Miss Burchell's family is not mean, her
+    fortune is considerable; her beauty and personal accomplishments
+    inferior to none; and, but for Mr Faulkland, she had been
+    innocent. Yet do not imagine I would aggravate your fault; Miss
+    Burchell's candor could not suffer this. How charmingly ingenuous
+    was her confession! In the midst of tears and blushes, she owned
+    her weakness; you, she said, were not to blame. She praised your
+    generosity, your compassion, the integrity and frankness of your
+    whole behaviour towards her; and could Miss Burchell's suffrage
+    have ensured to you the completion of your wishes, Mr Faulkland
+    would have been indebted to her for what he once thought his
+    happiness. But though her testimony could not avail you in that
+    particular, yet are your obligations to her the same. Does not
+    then Miss Burchell love Mr Faulkland with a generosity equal to
+    his own? Do years of fervent and unalterable affection deserve no
+    return? Does the child, the dear innocent that calls you father,
+    deserve no consideration? He bears your name, Sir; let him not
+    blush to own it: he may one day be an honour and a comfort to you.
+    Put it in his power to make it his boast, instead of his shame,
+    that Mr Faulkland was his father. The amiable lady, whose very
+    life is bound up in you, has, in the midst of her affliction, one
+    great source of comfort; her character has escaped the malignity
+    of cruel tongues, by the privacy with which she conducted her
+    measures, till after the birth of your son. The retirement she has
+    since lived in; her prudent, her modest, her exemplary conduct
+    have created esteem in every body that knows her; this
+    circumstance, as it is a peculiar felicity to herself, so ought it
+    to be a motive of encouragement to you, Sir, to compleat her
+    happiness. The false judging part of the world will have nothing
+    to point at; Miss Burchell's relation, or even connection, with
+    Mrs Gerrarde is hardly known here; she has had no correspondence
+    with that irregular woman since she became a widow; and her
+    character had not suffered before, in such a manner, as to reflect
+    dishonour on the young lady, who was then under her care. How then
+    can you persist in a cruel rejection of this lady? You own she is
+    amiable; I am sure she has a thousand good qualities. Is her love
+    for you, her unparalleled love, to be imputed to her as a crime?
+    If it be one, long and bitter has been her punishment! On you it
+    rests to recompence her sufferings. What may you not expect from a
+    grateful heart that worships you? Such a fervent, such a faithful
+    love (deserving as you are) you perhaps may never again meet with
+    in woman. With her you may be happy, she will make it the study of
+    her life to render you so. Your own heart, conscious of having
+    acted nobly, will confirm your happiness. Would to God I could
+    inspire you with such sentiments as would induce you to make the
+    generous experiment! How would your character rise in the esteem
+    of the two persons whom you profess to revere! How would you be
+    adored by the amiable sufferer! but above all, how delightful must
+    be the exultations of the self-approving mind! There wants but
+    this act to render you the most deserving of men. I would fain
+    esteem, respect, admire you as I ought; but you will not let me;
+    you will be a _common_ man, and undistinguished amongst the light
+    ones of your sex.'
+
+I shewed this letter to Miss Burchell; she read it with grateful tears
+running down her cheeks. In about an hour I received the following
+answer to it.
+
+    'Miss Burchell may triumph, Madam, since she has obtained _you_
+    for her advocate. Well have you acquitted yourself of the task
+    your rigid heart has undertaken. I thank the lady for the justice
+    her charming ingenuousness (as you rightly call it) has done me.
+    But what have I gained by this? Have I not raised the fair
+    complainant still higher in your esteem, given her a stronger
+    claim to your pity, and furnished you with arms against myself?
+    Wretch that I am, I do, I must acknowlege the force of every thing
+    that you have urged. Miss Burchell is amiable, her sincerity, her
+    constancy, and (by me) unmerited love, deserve to be greatly
+    recompensed. I would to heaven I had a heart to give her! but I
+    have not; _you_ know I have not; _she_ knows it too. Could I have
+    made Miss Burchell the return she deserves, I would not thus long
+    have shunned her presence. I acknowleged the state of my heart to
+    her even at the time I had lost all hopes of possessing you. And
+    in the spite of my own struggles, after years of confirmed
+    despair, I found myself still enslaved. How then could I offer a
+    hand, devoted as my whole soul was to another object, to a lady,
+    whose constant, tender, and delicate affection, demanded all the
+    return that a sensible and grateful heart could make? This, Madam,
+    is all the plea I can urge in answer to those arguments you offer
+    to promote your favourite wish. Consult your own delicacy, let
+    Miss Burchell consult hers, and then perhaps I shall stand
+    acquitted of ingratitude.
+
+    'I hoped, Madam, that cleared as I have been of _one_ imputation,
+    I might have recovered some favour in yours and Lady Bidulph's
+    thoughts. I was flattered with this consolation, small as it was,
+    when every other hope forsook me. But when an unexpected event
+    again brought happiness within my prospect, this reflection, I own
+    became of more importance, and served to strengthen my then
+    revived hopes. But you dash them with an unrelenting hand; and
+    again build up those barriers between us, that heaven itself had
+    overthrown. What can I say to you, inflexible as you are? has Miss
+    Burchell _all_ your pity? You may command my life, Madam; I would
+    lay it down freely for you; but I cannot, must not, will not give
+    up my love; and till you declare in express terms that I _must_ be
+    miserable, I will not even give up my hope.
+
+                                                  ORLANDO FAULKLAND.'
+
+See, my Cecilia, the heart I have to deal with. Hard to be subdued,
+and obstinate in all its purposes. I expected difficulties; but was in
+hopes he would be less determined in regard to his perseverance
+towards me. I think however I have gained some ground; he
+acknowleges Miss Burchell's merit, and seems obliged to her for the
+part she has acted towards him. I have been under some difficulties on
+this occasion; for as Miss Burchell was not so candid in her
+acknowlegements to my mother as she has been to me, I cannot let
+her know the whole of her confession; for this reason, I only told her
+the general purport of what I wrote last to Mr Faulkland; and in
+reading his answer to her, I passed over such passages as I thought
+might induce her to require an explanation. I own I am a little hurt at
+Miss Burchell's former perverting of facts on this occasion; but, as I
+have already said more than once, there are great allowances to be
+made for one in her very critical situation. Neither have I the least
+right to reproach her for it even in my thoughts; for had she been
+ever so explicit at my mother's first interview with her, it could not
+have availed me.
+
+You find, my dear, it is necessary I should speak plainly to Mr
+Faulkland. I shall write to him again, and here you shall have a copy
+of what I say; but I must lead this violent spirit with gentleness, and
+endeavour to convince his reason, without wounding his tenderness.
+
+
+               Mrs Arnold's third letter to Mr Faulkland
+
+    'You give me pleasure, Sir; I begin to descry hopes for your and
+    my amiable friend. I know such a heart as Mr Faulkland's cannot
+    be proof against sentiments of gratitude and compassion; it will
+    not be difficult to convert those sentiments into love, when the
+    object is so deserving. Try, Sir, try; the experiment cannot fail.
+    How much to your honour will so noble a triumph be over an
+    ill-fated passion! What delightful returns may you not expect from
+    the obliged, the grateful partner of your happiness! Do not call
+    me inflexible, or rigid; filled as I am with gratitude, and a
+    sense of your merit, I should hate myself, if I did not acknowlege
+    that you deserve more from me than it can ever be in my power to
+    repay. I must be plain with you, since you require it; it is
+    impossible I ever can be yours. Sorry I am, that the necessity of
+    circumstances compels me to make so early a declaration, from
+    which I thought my present situation would have exempted me; but I
+    forgive you, Sir, for urging me on this head, and draw a happy
+    presage from your resting your hopes in relation to me, on my own
+    determination. You appeal to my delicacy, whether you ought, with
+    a heart estranged, to offer your hand to Miss Burchell? Were
+    delicacy alone to be consulted, the answer perhaps might be easy;
+    but there are superior considerations in your case to be taken in.
+    Love, without doubt, demands love in return; but where injured
+    honour is to be repaired, where the disgrace of a darling child is
+    to be prevented, those nicer sentiments of the soul must and ought
+    to give way: and I will venture to pronounce, that Miss Burchell
+    would, with raptures, receive the hand which would confer such
+    valuable blessings on her; leaving it to time, and her own
+    unremiting tenderness and assiduity, to get an interest in the
+    heart, which, by such an act, proved its own rectitude. On this
+    subject, I, from experience, am qualified to speak. You know, sir,
+    the interest you once had in me; you cannot think me so light a
+    creature, as to suppose I so soon after my breaking with you,
+    bestowed my affections on another. I did not; obedience to my
+    mother's commands was the sole motive which engaged my vows to Mr
+    Arnold; and I married him with no other sentiments, those of
+    esteem and gratitude for the great love he bore me. Yet from these
+    seeds sown in my heart, sprung a tender and ardent affection:
+    never did wife love a husband better than I did Mr Arnold; his
+    kindness merited, and _did_ win my whole affections; nor could a
+    temporary alienation of _his_ heart, disposses him of the place he
+    held in _mine_. His returning love (for which, with all
+    thankfulness, I own myself bound to you, Sir) made him still
+    dearer to me than ever, and I now profess myself wedded to his
+    memory. You have a right, Sir, to expect that I should explain
+    myself at once to you on this subject; for your own sake, and for
+    Miss Burchell's I must not suffer you to entertain a doubt of my
+    resolution. You compel me to repeat, that I think Miss Burchell
+    deserves your love, and has a just right to your hand. She throws
+    herself upon your honour, without pretending to have any _lawful_
+    claim; if she _had_, I should not condescend to solicit the man
+    who could refuse to do her justice.
+
+    'My mother is firm in her first resolves; could you place a crown
+    on my head, her integrity would still oblige her to reject it; nor
+    would a crown tempt me to forfeit the duty which I owe to her.
+
+    'See then, Sir, if that _unexpected event_, which you mention (a
+    fatal event to me!) has brought you nearer to your wishes; and
+    here let me add, in justice to my own particular sentiments, that
+    I think Mr Faulkland is the last man who ought to be my choice,
+    even if my heart were disposed to make one. Reproach me not with
+    ingratitude, or caprice, till I have explained myself. It is not
+    long, Sir (blameless and unconscious as you were of the injury,
+    and nobly as you repaired it) since you were the cause of a
+    separation between me and my husband. I know you will say that our
+    mutual innocence on this occasion, and the secret's being known
+    but to a few of our friends, makes that objection of little
+    weight. I grant you, with many it might be so; all minds are not
+    equally susceptible; 'tis my unhappiness to have a too resenting
+    heart. My own honour (scrupulous you might call it) would not
+    suffer me to let the man succeed Mr Arnold in my love, who was the
+    occasion of so much uneasiness to him, and the cause of my being
+    suspected in my fidelity. Would it not be an insult on his memory?
+    Oh, Sir, what is the world's opinion to the approbation of our own
+    hearts! Mine has never yet reproached me, and this has been my
+    support in all my trials. Thus much I say for the reverence I bear
+    my dear Mr Arnold's memory; but I have other reasons to offer in
+    my excuse; refinements you will call them, but my heart feels
+    their force. I am not the same woman you once loved; afflictions
+    have impaired my health, and those little advantages of person
+    which nature bestowed on me, have not been improved by time; my
+    spirits, broken by misfortunes, have left me languid and
+    insensible to joy. Peace is the utmost of my wish, and all that I
+    am now capable of relishing. The bride, whom Mr Faulkland once
+    sought, was in the bloom of youth, admired and caressed, by a
+    flattering world; unblemished in her character, her fortune equal
+    to her wishes, her heart, her virgin heart, was then a present
+    (with pride let me say it) worthy of any man's acceptance. It was
+    then in her power to bestow happiness, and Mr Faulkland would not
+    have been matched unequally. But the scene is changed; what should
+    I now bring to your arms? A person faded by grief; a reputation
+    (though undeservedly) once called in question; a little helpless
+    family without fortune; a widowed heart, dead to love and
+    incapable of pleasure. Oh, Sir! could I bear to be your wife on
+    such conditions? Indebted to you as I am, past a possibility of my
+    ever making you a return, to what a mighty sum would you raise the
+    obligation? How poor would you make me in my own eyes? Humbled as
+    I am by adversity, my soul has still too much pride, or let me
+    call it delicacy, to submit to this. No, if there was no Miss
+    Burchell in the world, no parental sway to guide me, in my present
+    circumstances, I never would be yours.
+
+    'You have now before you my final determination. I shall trouble
+    you no more on the subject. If your heart relents towards Miss
+    Burchell, great will be your reward. In her you are sure of a
+    tender, faithful, and charming friend; who will more than repay
+    every act of kindness towards her; and he who is the author of
+    justice and mercy will not fail to bless you.
+
+                                                    'I am, &c'.
+
+Methinks, my dear friend, I have now eased my heart of a load that
+oppressed it. What can I say more? Mr Faulkland now knows my determined
+purpose in regard to myself; and if he is not quite insensible, I think
+Miss Burchell must at last obtain the wish of her soul. Oh, my Cecilia,
+I would not have my heart devoured by such a flame as her's, for the
+whole world. But have I not acted as I should do? I hope I have; I feel
+satisfied with my own conduct, and I never yet found that to be the case
+when I acted wrong. There are some nice points, in which our own hearts
+are the best, as well as the most impartial judges. If Mr Faulkland
+persists in rejecting poor Miss Burchell, I can urge him no farther; but
+I am determined not to see him.
+
+
+                               _June 25_
+
+How uneasy has been my suspense these three days! I question if
+Miss Burchell's is much greater. No answer from this strange man;
+perhaps he is flown off again.--No, I wrong him, a letter is this
+minute brought up to me from him--Read it, my beloved, and
+congratulate me.
+
+    'You were born to conquer. Madam; what is there that you cannot
+    effect? My heart was made for you, and you can mould it as you
+    please. Enjoy your triumph, if it be one. I will receive Miss
+    Burchell as _your_ gift, and since I cannot obtain your love, I
+    will at least compel your esteem. Why should _your_ generosity,
+    _your_ compassion for an unhappy lady, to whom you have no
+    obligation, exceed that of a man who owns himself bound to her in
+    gratitude? I wish I could repay her the debt of love I owe her,
+    but I will try to repair my fault hereafter; and in her gentle
+    bosom perhaps I may recover that peace, to which I have been so
+    long a stranger. She will forgive the waywardness of a heart,
+    which never disguised its anguish to her; and which she knows has
+    been torn by a cruel passion, that, like a cruel disease, was not
+    either to be resisted or subdued. But thanks to you, Madam, I
+    think I begin to feel my cure approaching. Miss Burchell's
+    tenderness will finish what you have begun. You shall never
+    reproach me more; if I _ever_ had an interest in your heart, I
+    will not forfeit it now, but make that proud heart acknowledge,
+    spite of itself, that Faulkland was not unworthy of it.'
+
+Ha! my Cecilia, what do you say to my Orlando now? _My_ Orlando let me
+this once call him. Has he not a noble mind? Happy! happy Miss Burchell!
+you are at length arrived to the summit of your wishes. Long may you
+enjoy them, and may you make your love as blest as he deserves to be! My
+mother clasped her hands together in joy, when I read this letter to
+her. God bless him, God bless him, said she; he is now indeed a
+righteous man. How rejoiced I am, my dear, that I have been the means of
+bringing about his so-much-wished-for event. And yet, methinks, if I
+were in Miss Burchell's place, though my heart doated on the man to
+death, I could not receive him on such terms. He accepts her as _my_
+gift; it is to raise himself in my esteem, he does her justice: Nay, I
+think the assuming man seems to insinuate a sort of superiority over
+me, by this concession. Why let it be so, I shall be content in my
+humiliation, if _my_ gift will restore him to his peace. If it does,
+which I pray heaven it may, ought he not to think himself indebted to
+me?
+
+I think I should not let Miss Burchell see this last letter; he does not
+consent with a good grace; and it may damp her joy. Though, upon second
+thoughts, I question whether she has delicacy enough to be much affected
+by this circumstance.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am saved the trouble of observing any decorum towards Miss Burchell.
+She has been just here wild with transport; and was several minutes in
+the room before I could get her to speak coherently. She had received a
+letter from Mr Faulkland, written by his own angelic hand, she said. She
+made no difficulty of leaving it with me, and here it is.
+
+
+                Mr Faulkland's letter to Miss Burchell.
+
+    'Is it possible, Madam, that I can still be dear to you, careless
+    and remiss as I have been towards you, since you first honoured me
+    with your affection? If you can forgive this, I am ready to offer
+    you my hand; and hope, by devoting my future days to you, to make
+    you amends for those years, during which (deserving as you are) I
+    have withheld that heart which was your due.
+
+    'I never had any merit towards you but my sincerity; and I will
+    not now give up that virtue to arrogate to myself another to which
+    I have no title. I own to you, Madam, that it is to Mrs Arnold's
+    superior prudence, and nice honour, I am beholden for being
+    brought to a just sense of your worth, and my own obligations to
+    you. If you will give me leave to attend you this afternoon, you
+    will receive a man filled with sentiments of gratitude and esteem
+    for you, and who is determined by his future conduct, to deserve a
+    continuance of your love.
+
+                                                         'I am, &c.'
+
+I congratulated Miss Burchell (after reading this letter) on her
+approaching felicity. She had not words to express her acknowlegements
+to me. The service I had rendered her was indeed to her a most important
+one; and there are some occasions where _words_ are of no use; Miss
+Burchell can be eloquent without them. She embraced me a thousand times,
+and wept in tender transport on my neck.
+
+My mother is as much delighted at this happy event, as if it immediately
+concerned her own welfare. She recommended it to Miss Burchell, to have
+her little boy with her when Mr Faulkland came to visit her. It seems he
+has not seen the child since his last return to England: he did not care
+to go to the house where it was boarded, for fear of drawing any
+observation on himself to Miss Burchell's prejudice; and the people
+never permitted the child to be taken abroad by any one but Miss
+Burchell (who passes for its aunt) or Mr Faulkland's house-keeper; but
+this good woman, happening to be sick when he came to town, Mr Faulkland
+had not an opportunity of sending for it.
+
+Miss Burchell greatly approved of the motion, and flew from us to
+prepare for this so much desired interview.
+
+And now, Cecilia, do you not think Mr Faulkland has proved himself a
+disinterested (lover shall I say) of your Sidney? Indeed he has given a
+noble testimony of his esteem and deference for me, as well as he
+formerly did of his affection. If Miss Burchell does not render herself
+worthy of him, how shall I hate myself for having brought about this
+union! But she loves him too ardently, and is herself too lovely, not to
+get possession of his heart, when it becomes his duty, as well as his
+interest, to give it up to her. All acquaintance between her and me,
+must now cease: for her sake, as well as Mr Faulkland's, this will be
+necessary; my presence may disturb, but can never contribute to the
+tranquillity of either of them.
+
+
+                               _June 26_
+
+Miss Burchell was in too much haste to communicate her joy to us, to
+defer giving an account of what passed between her and Mr Faulkland
+yesterday evening. She hurried to us last night, at almost ten o'clock.
+
+He came to her house, she said, at six, the hour she had appointed him;
+and looked _so_ enchantingly. She herself was dressed out very elegantly
+to receive him, and I thought looked really charming; her countenance
+was so lighted up with joy, that she did not appear the same woman.
+
+She had endeavoured, she said, to compose herself for this interview,
+and had tried to assume something of dignity; but it all vanished when
+her conqueror approached, and the tumult of her heart so intirely
+banished all recollection, and presence of mind, that she was not able
+to tell me in what manner she received him. She only knows, she says,
+that having snatched up her little boy, who stood by her and hung on her
+gown, she put him into his father's arms, and bidding the babe thank him
+for his goodness, she burst into tears. Mr Faulkland tenderly embraced
+the child, not without a visible emotion of countenance; and having
+gently set him down again, he placed himself by Miss Burchell's side:
+She was still sobbing. Those generous tears, Madam, said he, taking her
+by the hand, reproach me too much: I have not deserved this tenderness;
+I cannot look upon you, nor that dear boy, without blushing, but you
+have forgiven me: it shall be the study of my life to make you both
+happy. Oh! Madam, continued Miss Burchell, what an exquisite joy must
+such a declaration give me from the beloved of my soul. I wrung his
+hand; Oh, Sir, you are too good: What return can I make you? One thing
+only say to me, that you do not offer me a _very_ reluctant hand, and I
+shall then be the happiest of women.
+
+Mr Faulkland paused a little while, and then, with a noble frankness,
+replied: 'You know, my dear Miss Burchell, with what an excess of
+passion I have ever loved Mrs Arnold: Had no such woman existed, _you_
+would have been my choice, preferably to any other: but when I first
+knew you, I looked upon myself as bound to her, though, at that time, I
+had never seen her: my knowledge of her afterwards confirmed me her's. I
+made no secret of this to you, and you may remember what my declarations
+to you were, even at the time my hopes were frustrated. I have loved her
+fervently ever since; even in the arms of a husband I adored her; and I
+will be candid enough to own to you, that, as my attachment to her has,
+during all that time, estranged me from you, so should I still, had I
+the least hopes of succeeding, have persisted in my suit. But she has
+cut off all hope; she has declared she can never be mine, and at the
+same time has represented my obligations to you in so strong a light,
+that I am convinced I ought to be your's. And let me own, Madam (you who
+are generous, and know what it is to love, will pardon a declaration
+which I durst not make to any other woman) to you I will confess that
+Mrs Arnold is arbitress of my fate; and in approving myself to her, I do
+so to my own conscience. I do not therefore, though my actions have been
+guided by her, yield with reluctance to her will; her virtue, her
+religion, and enlarged mind, have only dictated to me, what my own
+reason tells me I ought to do. I have been a slave to a hopeless passion
+too long; I am now resolved to struggle with my chains: you, Madam, must
+assist me in breaking them entirely; and I make no doubt but that time,
+joined to my own efforts, and aided by your sweetness of disposition,
+your tenderness, and admirable sense, will enable me to conquer what I
+must now call a weakness, and make the triumph equally happy for us
+both. But remember, Madam, I never see Mrs Arnold more. 'Tis for your
+peace sake as well as my own, that I make this a preliminary to our
+marriage. I will, when you shall vouchsafe me the honour of your hand,
+receive it, if you please, from Lady Bidulph; and as I presume it will
+be agreeable to you to have the ceremony intirely private, that I may,
+for our dear little boy's sake, present you rather as my acknowleged
+wife, than as my new made bride, I will, with the utmost speed and
+secrecy, have such dispositions made, as shall be suitable to my
+condition, and your own merit.
+
+'I should like, after we are united, if you have no objection to it, to
+pay a visit for a while to an estate I have in Ireland; which I have
+never yet seen, and which I intended to have looked at, if this event,
+this happy event (and he kissed my hand) had not taken place.'
+
+Penetrated as I was, pursued Miss Burchell, with a sense of the
+generosity and openness of his heart, I could not forbear raising his
+hand to my lips; he tenderly withdrew it from me, as if abashed at my
+condescension. He then turned the discourse to less interesting
+subjects, and after three delightful hours spent with me, took his
+leave; not without having first fixed on Wednesday, next Wednesday, to
+be the blessed day that is to make him mine for ever.
+
+Happy, happy may you be, said I! you _must_ be happy; but let me see you
+once again before you are Mrs Faulkland: there are not many hours to
+come before that name will be yours. My dear Madam! said she, and patted
+my bosom with her hand, I hope all is well _here_; she looked earnestly
+in my face, and then added, but you have a noble heart. 'Tis an honest
+one I hope, said I, a little disconcerted at her manner. Why did she
+address me thus, my dear? I hope I did not discover any thing in my
+behaviour as if I repined her good fortune; if I did, far be such a
+wretched meanness from the heart of thy friend. Was it not my own act to
+make Miss Burchell the happy woman she now thinks herself? Yet I own
+there is something in Mr Faulkland's conduct which has raised my esteem
+to admiration. Oh may his future days be blessed, else shall I indeed be
+wretched!
+
+My mother told Miss Burchell, it would give her inexpressive
+satisfaction to bestow her in marriage on Mr Faulkland; and desired she
+would let her know to-morrow at what time and place the ceremony as to
+be performed. She answered, at her own house, as she could be no where
+else so private; and that Mr Faulkland would engage for the purpose a
+clergyman, a particular friend of his, and fellow-collegian, on whose
+discretion he could rely.
+
+Miss Burchell's spirits were too much exhilarated to let her think of
+rest; she staid with us till it was very late, and having taken occasion
+to mention how grieved she was at the thoughts of losing my society, and
+of the necessity Mr Faulkland expressed himself under of never seeing me
+more, my mother took that opportunity of gravely entering into the
+subject of matrimonial duties. She highly applauded Mr Faulkland's
+resolution on that head, and told Miss Burchell, it ought exceedingly to
+enhance his merit towards her. Let this be a memorandum to you, my dear
+Madam, said she, how sacred the bond is to be held that is now going to
+unite you: He will not, you see, run the hazard of being tempted, even
+in thought, to swerve from that faith which he is going to plight to
+you; your situation is delicate, and it will require the utmost prudence
+and circumspection on your part, to secure such an interest in his heart
+as he now seems inclined to give you. It is not on your personal charms
+that you are to rely, for subduing, or preserving the affections of such
+a man as he is. They alone, you see, were not able to effect this: it is
+to Mr Faulkland's honour rather than his love, that you are now obliged
+for the justice he has done you: never let this be out of your thoughts;
+be grateful, but let your gratitude have dignity in it; and by your
+behaviour convince your husband that honour was with you a first motive
+to wish this union, love will then come in with a better grace as a
+secondary inducement.
+
+The freedom of my mother's observations, and instructions, I was not
+surprized at, because she always speaks her mind; but the emphasis with
+which she delivered herself was unusual. Miss Burchell expressed herself
+as obliged to her, and joined intirely in her opinion; I could perceive,
+however, she was not pleased with the lecture.
+
+When Miss Burchell was gone, my mother told me, she thought it necessary
+to speak as she had done. Miss Burchell, said she, is not _quite_ the
+girl I took her for; so much modesty and reserve, I thought I had never
+met with in a young creature before; when she used to speak of Mr
+Faulkland, it was with affection indeed, but with such a nice decorum as
+convinced me of the innocence and purity of her heart. But of late I
+have observed she has been less delicate in her expressions of
+tenderness; such passionate flights have sometimes broke from her, as I
+did not think becoming in a young woman, and which indeed almost
+offended me; and this night her joy has been ungoverned. Great reason
+she has for joy 'tis true; but there are some considerations which ought
+to have made her chasten that joy into a sober, and, at least seemingly,
+moderate satisfaction. She loves Mr Faulkland, but let her beware of
+disgusting a man of his sense by too strong an expression of her
+fondness.
+
+My mother's observation, and her uncommonly forcible manner of
+expressing it, struck me prodigiously. It is true I had made the same
+remarks myself, but as you know she is not extremely penetrating, and in
+general, but a superficial observer, I was the more surprized at what
+she said. Miss Burchell's behaviour must have been formerly very
+different from what it now is, to have made my mother so sensible of the
+change. _Some considerations_, she said, ought to have made her chasten
+her joy. Perhaps, she meant no more than that the young lady, even in
+the midst of that joy, had, upon reflection, cause for humiliation. I
+hope, she did not think that her gaiety on this desired event affected
+me, who had so warmly promoted it. My mother is too open not to give the
+full meaning of her thoughts. This may be only the suggestion of my own
+fancy, yet it has mortified me. I had but little rest last night, and
+rose this morning by day-light, to throw together in writing the above
+particulars.
+
+
+                               _June 27_
+
+Miss Burchell came not to us till late this evening; pleasure danced in
+her eyes. I whispered to her, We rejoice with you, dear Madam,
+sincerely rejoice, at your approaching felicity; but our present state
+will not suffer us to keep pace with you in that gaiety, however
+justifiable it may be from the cause: restrain yourself a little; my
+mother will not think you kind, as we are so soon to part with you.
+She smiled, and thanking me for the hint, immediately composed her
+features to such a decorum (I will not call it demureness) that it was
+impossible to discover she was agitated by any extraordinary emotion.
+I own, I was amazed at the command she so suddenly assumed over
+her countenance. I was glad, however, she did so, that my mother
+might not have fresh cause of dislike towards her.
+
+She told us that Mr Faulkland had settled a thousand pounds a
+year on her, and that too without ever having informed himself of the
+state of her fortune: for, in the hurry of her thoughts, she had
+neglected to mention it to him: (Generous man! whispered I to
+myself.) She then, with great gravity, applied herself to my mother,
+and told her, she hoped for the honour of her presence, the next
+morning, at her own house; where the ceremony was to be
+performed, before no other witnesses but her ladyship, and the
+gentlewoman, who had been Mr Faulkland's housekeeper; and that
+the following day they purposed retiring to Mr Faulkland's seat in
+Hertfordshire, and, after a short stay there, to set out for Ireland.
+
+My mother commended Mr Faulkland's diligence, for having so
+suddenly disposed every thing for this important event, and told our
+friend she would not fail to attend her at the appointed time.
+
+Miss Burchell's behaviour was extremely composed; she either
+really was, or affected to be, extremely sorry at parting with me; she
+could not stay long with us, she said, as she had many things to settle
+in the remaining part of that evening. On taking leave of me, I shall
+not see you again, worthiest of women, said she, at least, for many
+months; but my love, my respect, and my gratitude towards you will
+be as lasting as my life. You shall hear often from me, and be so good
+as sometimes to tell me I am not forgotten. She embraced me with
+tears in her eyes, but I thought she tripped down stairs to her chair, as
+if her heart was very light.
+
+My mother liked her deportment; she said, she believed the
+flightiness of her behaviour before, was owing to her being quite
+intoxicated with the suddenness of her joy, on so unexpected a turn
+of fortune; but that since she had time for recollection, she had
+recovered her wonted bashful and sober air, with which she used to
+be so delighted. My mother says, she will contrive to carry a rich
+white brocade gown with her, in order to slip it on at Miss Burchell's
+house; for she would not, on any consideration, appear in mourning
+on this joyful occasion. You know the reverence she has for omens.
+
+
+                               _June 28_
+
+The important event is over, my Cecilia. Miss Burchell is now Mrs
+Faulkland. My mother is just returned, and saw the nuptial knot tied.
+The lady, she said, looked very lovely; and it was easy to observe she
+gave her hand with all her heart. Mr Faulkland's behaviour was polite
+and unconstrained; but his attention to his bride was more gallant than
+tender; and his whole deportment was that of a man who seemed to
+endeavour at acquitting himself with a good grace of an act of duty,
+rather than of inclination. The latter part of the observation is mine,
+not my mother's; but I collected it from certain little particulars,
+which she related to me in her own way, without drawing any inference
+from them.
+
+He thanked her in a most respectful manner for the honour she had done
+him, and for her former friendship to Miss Burchell; but did not once
+mention my name. So much the better; I hope he will forget me.
+
+My mother is mighty alert on the occasion, and felicitates both herself
+and me on our having brought about this very important affair. She
+joined heartily with me in praying that the new-married pair may be
+happy in each other. She is quite reconciled to Mr Faulkland. What a
+pity it was, said she--and stopped; then added, But every thing is for
+the best. I understood her, but made no reply.
+
+They go out of town to-morrow morning; all happiness attend them!
+
+I expect Sir George will be quite outrageous about this marriage.
+My second refusal of his friend, with the addition of his now being
+wedded, through my persuasion, to a woman my brother never could
+endure, will, I fear, exasperate him beyond a possibility of
+reconciliation. I cannot help it; I have acted agreeably to the dictates
+of my duty; that must be my consolation: life is in itself a warfare, _my_
+life has been particularly so.
+
+
+                                _July 8_
+
+My mother is far from being well; her spirits have been a little
+heightened for these few days past, but her disorder I see gains ground:
+the swelling in her legs is returning, and her rest at night quite
+broken. I am hourly habituating myself to think of her dissolution; or,
+in other words, am preparing myself for the worst evil that can now
+befal me. I hope I shall find myself equal to the trial.
+
+
+                               _July 10_
+
+Here is a storm for you my dear; a letter from Sir George. I wanted such
+a thing to rouse me from the almost lethargic dulness that was creeping
+on me. Mr Faulkland has acquainted him with his marriage. Pray observe
+his brotherly address.
+
+    Mrs ARNOLD,                                          _June 6, 1706._
+
+    'For I disclaim all relation to you. I have just now had a letter
+    from Faulkland, wherein I am at once informed of your having
+    finally rejected him, and of his being married to Miss Burchell.
+    As for the first, your own folly be on your head. You will have
+    time enough for repentance, and I need wish you no other
+    punishment than what _will_, and for me _shall_, be the
+    consequences of your obstinate adherence to your own romantic wild
+    opinions. But what in the name of blind infatuation could provoke
+    you to urge the man, to whom you owed such obligations, to his
+    destruction? _You_ I know have done it; he could not be so mad but
+    under _your_ influence. You and my mother I suppose fancy you have
+    done a righteous deed; but you have done what I am afraid poor
+    Faulkland will have reason to--I will suppress the shocking word,
+    that my indignation suggested.
+
+    'Why was I not made acquainted with this precious design of
+    marrying my friend to that insinuating little viper? I might
+    perhaps have prevented the mischief; for I cannot think if she had
+    not imposed upon you, that you would have pushed your chimerical
+    notions of honour to such extremities.
+
+    'Perhaps you meant well; but it has ever been your peculiar
+    misfortune I think to have your good intentions productive of
+    nothing but evil; this last action I fear will be a severe proof
+    of the truth of this observation. I warned you in time against
+    this woman, but my advice has always been despised.
+
+    'I will say no more on the hateful subject; what is done is
+    irrevocable: but I believe you will hardly be able to answer it to
+    yourself, if you find that you have condemned one of the noblest
+    fellows in the world to the arms of a prostitute.'
+
+Lord bless me! my Cecilia, was there ever such a barbarian? with what an
+implacable aversion does he pursue this poor girl! But what does he mean
+by the odious epithet with which he closes his horrid letter? Sure Miss
+Burchell merits not that name. Her weakness in regard to Mr Faulkland
+cannot bring on her so detestable a charge. If George knows any thing
+more of her character than I do, why did he not tell me so before? It
+cannot be; his aversion to her makes him cruel and unjust. He says true;
+I should not indeed forgive myself if I were the means of making Mr
+Faulkland unhappy; and his observation would be dreadfully verified,
+that all my good intentions produce nothing but evil, if this marriage
+should prove to be unfortunate.
+
+
+                               _July 20_
+
+I have had a letter from Mrs Faulkland. She and her husband are arrived
+safely at his estate on the borders of the north of Ireland, within less
+than thirty miles of the capital. It is a pleasant part of the country
+she says, but as Mr Faulkland has no house there, they have taken up
+their lodgings for the present at the house of his steward. Her letter
+is filled with declarations of the felicity she enjoys; she says, she
+would not change her lot to be the greatest Queen on earth.--May she
+continue to deserve her happy fortune, and to render her husband as
+satisfied with _his_ lot as she is with _hers_! then shall I triumph
+over Sir George for his vile insinuations.
+
+I have heard from my good lady V----, in answer to the letter I wrote
+her, giving an account of Mr Faulkland's marriage. As he had not made
+her acquainted with his return to England, I knew not whether he had
+informed her of this particular; and I find he had not. As lady V----
+was a stranger to his former connection with Miss Burchell (with whom I
+have already told you she was acquainted, and that she entertained a
+very favourable opinion of her) she expressed no displeasure at the
+alliance; but said, she supposed he married, in a tifft, upon my refusal
+of him; for which I gave her such reasons as I had before given Mr
+Faulkland, excepting those which related to Miss Burchell; which, for
+both their sakes, must now be no more mentioned. Lady V---- says, she
+_will not condemn the delicacy of my sentiments, though she owns her
+wish was, that it could have been got over, as she is sure that Mr
+Faulkland can never be happy with any one but me_.
+
+
+[Here follows an interval of near two months, in which nothing
+material occurred.]
+
+
+                             _September 13_
+
+The time approaches, my Cecilia, when thy friend shall be poor and
+destitute. I know thy generous heart will more than sympathize with
+me in my calamity, from the aggravating reflexion that it is not in your
+power to assist me. The account you have given me of your
+husband's close disposition has too fully convinced me of this. Nor
+should I have mentioned my apprehensions to you at this time, but
+that I am bound not to conceal a thought from the friend of my heart.
+
+Sir George has dropt all correspondence with us, I have nothing to
+expect from him; nor does that mortal live (yourself excepted) to
+whom I would, on such an occasion, be indebted. I have already
+sighed too often under the weight of obligations which I could not
+repay.
+
+My mother is hastening apace to a better world, She sees her end
+approaching with such a calmness, such a truly pious joy, as almost
+makes me ashamed of lamenting her loss; for what is it in me, my
+dear but selfishness? 'Tis true, the loss of a tender parent, a faithful
+friend, at a time when all other comforts of life are fled, is an evil one
+would wish wholly to avoid, or at least to postpone for the longest
+date possible: but when I consider _her_ welfare, ought I to indulge
+myself in such a wish? Her life is already become a burden to her;
+her infirmities are painful, and without hope of cure; she longs to be
+released, and to receive that reward of her righteousness, which
+cannot be obtained on this side of the grave.
+
+If we had a friend, who, in compassion to our wants or weakness,
+consented to live with us, though under the pressure of years and
+bodily pain; and that friend were invited to a remote country, with an
+assurance of recovering health, of having youth renewed, and of
+possessing all the riches, power, honours, and accumulated pleasures
+that this world can bestow; should we not blush to own even a wish to
+detain him from such a station? What but a love of ourselves,
+superior to that which we bear to our friend, could suggest such a
+thought? How much more to be desired then is the change, to which
+my mother looks forward, with an assured hope!
+
+But there is something dismal in the idea of death! 'tis only our
+prejudices make it so. I have been endeavouring for many days past
+to familiarise it to my thoughts, and to consider death only as the
+name of a region through which my mother is to pass, in order to get
+at that delightful country to which she is invited, and whither _I_ shall
+assuredly follow her. Such is the present frame of my mind; judge
+then, my sister, if this philosophy will not bear me up against the
+unexpected blow when it falls upon me.
+
+
+                             _September 15_
+
+'Tis strange, my Cecilia, that this best of parents, who had always so
+tenderly loved me, expresses now not the least uneasiness at the
+forlorn condition in which she must soon leave me. Her thoughts are
+employed on higher objects, and she seems to have weaned herself
+from all worldly attachments.
+
+I am going from you, my daughter, said she to me just now, and have no
+other legacy to leave you but a parent's blessing. Your brother
+possesses all when I die; I wish you had the means of enjoying life with
+comfort; but you must be contented. See that you bear your lot as
+becomes you. I perceive your grief for the melancholy condition to which
+I am now reduced; but added she smiling, I shall soon be released.
+
+Remember how David behaved on the death of that son, whose life he had
+so earnestly besought of his maker: let that serve you as an example,
+not to give yourself up to unprofitable sorrow. Bring up your children
+in the principles that I taught _you_, and God will take care of them;
+for _I have never seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging
+their bread_.
+
+She said, she found herself drowsy, and desired me to leave her for a
+while. I have left her, going I hope to get a little sleep; she breathes
+with so much difficulty that she cannot bear to lie down, and never gets
+any rest but by snatches, as she sits in an arm-chair supported by
+pillows.
+
+How heavy and cast down do I feel my spirits; but I know the
+worst--_that_ is something.--
+
+It is all over: and my mother, blessed woman! opens not her eyes again
+but to a joyful resurrection. Oh, my dear, there is no terror in death
+when he seizes us not unprepared! I went into my mother's chamber, in
+about half an hour after I had quitted it, at her desire: I found her
+leaning back in her chair, her eyes shut, and a complacent air diffused
+over her face, which made me hope that her slumber was sweeter, and more
+profound than usual. I sat down by her to contemplate her benign
+countenance; and was some minutes before I discovered that she did not
+breathe. I took her hand, she had no pulse; and I soon found that the
+happy spirit had escaped from its house of clay. May _I_ die the death
+of the righteous, and my latter end be like hers! No murmurings, no, no
+my sister, I will be patience itself!
+
+
+                             _September 25_
+
+I have sent the remains of my venerable parent down to Sidney-Castle,
+there to be interred with her ancestors. I wrote my brother an
+account of her death on the day it happened, but have as yet received
+no answer. Unnatural son! but I will not reproach him; some accident
+might have prevented his writing immediately on the receipt of my
+letter. He never intirely forsook the duty he owed his mother, but he
+has of late been quite estranged from us; his wife, vain, weak and
+imperious, governs him totally. I must now begin to look about me for
+a place of abode suited to my present circumstances. My whole
+income would not pay more than half the rent of these lodgings in
+which I have lived with my dear mother. My poor Patty! I am grieved
+for _her_. I begged of her to seek another mistress, who might be able
+to reward her merit, and provide for her as she deserves; but the
+worthy affectionate girl told me, it would break her heart, if I talked
+of parting with her. You must have a servant of some sort, Madam,
+said she, why may not I do as well as another? If I were able to make
+you a proper return, Patty, said I, you should not leave me; but I
+cannot afford to pay a servant of your abilities as you deserve; and I
+must be my own maid for the future. Never, never, Madam, cried the
+honest creature, bursting into tears, while I have hands to serve you.
+Let me but attend on you, and the two dear children; I desire
+nothing.--I want nothing. Your goodness has all along supplied me
+so, that I am sure I have clothes enough to serve me during my life;
+and if I could not put up with the same humble way of living that my
+mistress does, sure I should be a presumptuous wretch! My tears
+thanked the grateful girl; and taking her by the hand, I told her, that I
+would not talk of parting for the present, but when any thing worth
+her acceptance offered, I should then insist on her embracing it.
+
+I am determined to retire to some village at a distance from
+London, and either to take a little cottage to myself, or board with my
+children at some farm-house, as I shall find most convenient. Fifty
+pounds a year will be but a slender support for three persons brought
+up in affluence. My little ones indeed will not now be sensible of the
+change, and by the time they are grown up, they will be so inured to
+their homely board, that they will not, I hope, aspire after what
+cannot consistently (perhaps,) with virtue, lie within their reach.
+
+
+                              _October 27_
+
+After paying the expences of my mother's funeral, discharging our
+lodgings, and some other demands, I find my purse will be so extremely
+reduced, that I shall have but barely enough to keep out want, till my
+small income becomes due to me. I must therefore, for the present, defer
+putting my scheme into execution, as I am not qualified to undertake a
+journey with my little family; especially as I am as yet uncertain what
+place to fix on for my residence; neither will I afford my brother
+(though I have no reason to expect any thing from him), a farther
+pretence for reproaching me, by giving him room to say, I left London
+without consulting him, or waiting for his return to it. I shall
+therefore look out a lodging of a small price, where I will conceal
+myself from every body that knows me, and wait for Sir George's arrival.
+
+
+                              _October 28_
+
+How happy you make me, my ever dear friend, by your approbation of my
+conduct; since my receiving your last packet, which came into my hand
+late last night, I am better reconciled to my present lot than I was
+before I heard from you. I _could not do otherwise_, you say, after my
+solemn promise given to Miss Burchell, than use my utmost endeavours to
+promote her marriage with Mr Faulkland. True; I could not: but I wish
+you had entered more into my sentiments, in regard to those punctilios,
+which, you tell me, you think _might_ have been got over, if that young
+woman had been out of the question. I could not help smiling at your
+wish, unchristian as it was; but my dear, if that _were_ to happen, do
+you think Mr Faulkland so void of reason, nay of feeling, as after all
+that has past to persevere? Or if he did, that I could be so mean as to
+owe the very bread that I and my children should eat, to his generosity?
+Would you, my Cecilia, wish to see your friend so humbled? 'Tis not in
+the power even of the cold, hard hand of poverty itself, to dash me so
+low as that would do. But where is the need of forming resolutions, or
+even making declarations about what never _can_ happen? I see
+notwithstanding, that you think my heart has _again_ done itself some
+violence: You know that heart too well for me to attempt to hide from
+you its secret workings. I own to you honestly I now feel my own
+unhappiness in its full extent. I look back, and take a survey of the
+past, and cannot help thinking that I have had the most wayward fate
+allotted me that ever woman had.
+
+Disappointment in a first love, has, I think been ever accounted a grief
+scarce surmountable even by time: but this can only be the case, where
+the heart, extremely vulnerable by nature (like Miss Burchell's) suffers
+itself to be so entirely immersed in that passion, that all other duties
+of life are swallowed up in it; and where an indolent turn of mind, a
+want of rational avocations, and perhaps of a new object, all contribute
+to indulge and confirm the disease. This you know was not my case. I
+loved, 'tis true; but it was with temperance; and though my
+disappointment afflicted me, it did not subdue me. I got the better of
+it, I think I got the better of it even before I married; but sure I am,
+I totally conquered all remembrance of it after I became a wife. I then
+laid down a new scheme of happiness, and was for a time in possession of
+it; how I was thrown from this is still bitter to remembrance. You well
+know what I suffered, when I found myself deprived of my husband's love,
+and suspected of a crime at which my soul shrunk. But it pleased the
+just God to deliver me from this heavy misfortune, and I think the
+happiest days of my marriage were those which I passed with Mr Arnold
+after our reunion. Then it was, I was thoroughly sensible that the heart
+_can_ love a second time, truly and ardently; but I was soon again
+plunged into affliction by the death of a husband endeared to me more
+than ever by his misfortunes. My grief for him was proportionate to my
+love. Yet, my friend, as time is an universal conqueror, it might have
+healed this wound as well as the former one; and a few, a very few years
+would perhaps have disposed me to return Mr Faulkland's still unabated
+passion, if a variety of circumstances had not interposed, that strongly
+forbad our union. Convinced as I was of this, I acted agreeably to the
+dictates both of my reason, and my conscience, in persuading Mr
+Faulkland to make Miss Burchell his wife. I should have been grieved and
+mortified had he rejected her, and I had determined never to have seen
+him more. Yet how deceitful is the human heart! this very act which I
+laboured with so much assiduity to accomplish, and on the accomplishment
+of which, I had founded, I know not how, a sort of contentment for
+myself, has been the very means of destroying what little peace of mind
+I was beginning to taste before. Sure that man was born to torment me in
+a variety of ways! If I was disappointed in my early love, I had however
+duty, and a consciousness of what I then thought superior worth, to
+support me. If on his account I suffered cruel and injurious aspersions,
+the innocence of my own self-acquitted heart bore me up under it: but he
+has at length found the way to punish me without leaving me any
+resource. My pride is of no use, he has raised himself in my esteem
+superior to every thing! His whole behaviour so generous, so candid; a
+love so disinterested, so fervent; what noble, what uncommon proofs has
+he given me of it! and at length what a triumphant sacrifice has he made
+of that overruling passion, to the sober calls of reason and humanity!
+He has left me, my dear, to gaze after him with grateful admiration! and
+sometimes perhaps to sigh that our fates rendered it impossible for us
+to meet. But if I do sometimes sigh, it is not at the advantages of
+fortune, which I might have enjoyed with him; no, no, surrounded as I am
+with distress, I do not envy Miss Burchell's affluence or splendor. If
+_that_ motive could have had weight with me, I might have been mean
+enough not to have acted as I have done. 'Tis the qualities of the man's
+mind I esteem; I think our souls have something congenial in them, and
+that we were originally designed for each other. And if I believed the
+doctrine which teaches us that there are little officious spirits that
+preside over the actions of men, I should think that our two evil
+geniuses laid their heads together in conjunction with Miss Burchell's
+active demon, to thwart and cross all our measures.
+
+I have nothing now left but to pray for the happiness of one whose lot
+in this life he has suffered _me_ to determine; and to beseech Heaven
+that he may never stand in that fatal predicament which Sir George, with
+such outrageous barbarity, marked out in his vile letter.
+
+I now return to myself, and to my present state; which I think I may say
+brings up the rear of my misfortunes. Let the chastisement stop here,
+and I shall bow me to it with resignation.
+
+
+                              _October 29_
+
+Ah, my Cecilia, what an aggravation is here to the already too deep
+regret I began to feel on Mr Faulkland's account! His triumph over me is
+now complete!
+
+In sorting my mother's papers (as I am to leave these lodgings tomorrow)
+I found that letter which Mr Faulkland wrote to my brother from Bath.
+You may remember I told you my mother had, in her resentment, flung it
+to Sir George, and that, as it happened to fall on the ground, he had
+quitted the room in a passion without taking it up. My mother, I
+suppose, when she cooled, laid it by, though I dare say she never looked
+into it afterwards. Read it, and see by what a fatality we have been
+governed.
+
+
+              Mr Faulkland's letter to Sir George Bidulph.
+
+                                                     _Bath, May 9, 1703_
+
+    'How you mortify me, my dear Bidulph, when you tell me of the
+    happiness I lost by staying so long at Bath! _The ladies are
+    impatient to see me_, say you? Ah, Sir George, thou hast spoke
+    better of me than I deserve, I fear.
+
+    'I am sadly out of humour with myself at present. I have got into
+    a very foolish sort of a scrape here. My wrist is quite well, and
+    I should have thrown myself at Miss Bidulph's feet before now,
+    but to tell you a secret, my virtue not being proof against
+    temptation, I have been intercepted.
+
+    ''Tis but a slight lapse, however, a flying affair; neither my
+    honour, nor my heart in the question. A little vagrant Cupid has
+    contented himself with picking my pocket, just lightly fluttering
+    through my breast, and away.
+
+    'Are you fallen so low as that, Faulkland, say you? to _buy_ the
+    favour of the fair? No, George, no; not quite so contemptible as
+    that neither; and yet, faith, I did _buy_ it too, for it cost me
+    three hundred pounds; but the lady to whom I am obliged knows
+    nothing of this part of her own history; at least, I hope so, for
+    my credit sake. The case in short is this: an old gouty officer,
+    and his wife (a very notable dame; a fine woman too) happened to
+    lodge in the same house with me. The man came hither to get rid of
+    his aches; the lady of her money, and her virtue, if she has any,
+    for she is eternally at the card tables.
+
+    'Under the conduct of this hopeful guide, came a niece of the
+    husband's; an extremely fine girl, innocent too, I believe, and
+    the best dancer I ever saw. I don't know how it happened, but she
+    took a fancy to me, which, upon my word, and I am sure you have no
+    doubts of me, I was far from wishing to improve. You know I always
+    despise the mean triumph of gaining a heart, for which I could not
+    give another in return. I saw with pain her growing inclination
+    for me; but as we lived in the same house, and met every day in
+    the rooms, it was impossible for me to avoid her as much as I
+    wished to do. The aunt I found, had her eyes upon me, and took
+    some pains to promote a liking on my side. I saw her design, and
+    was so much upon my guard, that she, who I soon found was an adept
+    in love-matters, almost despaired of gaining her ends. The young
+    lady's inclination however seemed to increase; a pair of fine blue
+    eyes told me so every day; and I was upon the point of flying to
+    avoid the soft contagion, when an accident happened that totally
+    overthrew all my good resolutions.
+
+    'I had not seen the young lady for two or three days; I enquired
+    for her, and her aunt answered, with a mysterious smile, She is
+    ill, poor thing, why don't you look in upon her, and ask her how
+    she does? I replied, if the lady will permit me, I will do myself
+    that honour, and intended literally to have kept my word, by just
+    asking her at her chamber door how she did.
+
+    'You are very cruel, said the aunt; would you persuade me that you
+    don't know the girl is in love with you? Oh, your Servant, Madam;
+    if you think me vain, I thank you for the reprimand. Come, come,
+    said she, this is all affectation, we'll drink tea with her this
+    evening. Upon my word, said I, if I am to believe what you say, I
+    think you ought not to desire me. I am not blind to the young
+    lady's merit, but am so unfortunate as not to have it in my power
+    to make such returns as she deserves. I found the occasion
+    required my being serious.
+
+    'If you have not love, said she, you may at least have a little
+    complaisance. Was there ever such a barbarian, not to go and see a
+    woman that is dying for him? I promised to bring you, and she
+    expects you. What is the pretty creature afraid of (patting my
+    cheek). I'll stay by it all the while. There was no withstanding
+    this; I promised to wait on her.
+
+    'She knocked at my door about six o'clock, and looking in, asked
+    if the coy Narcissus was ready? I went with her, and she led me
+    directly to her niece's chamber. The young lady looked pale and
+    languishing, but very pretty. I was really grieved to see her, and
+    enquired with an unaffected concern after her health. The
+    tea-things were set, and I tried to force something like
+    conversation, but I believe I was rather formal.
+
+    'When we had done tea, the aunt looked at her watch, started off
+    her chair, said she had outstaid her appointment with the party
+    she was to meet at cards, and turning to me, I hope, Sir, you will
+    have the _Charity_ to stay with my niece; and then hurried out of
+    the room. I begged leave to hand her to her chair, intending to
+    take that opportunity of slipping away, and resolved to quit the
+    house the next morning. But the determined gipsey was prepared for
+    this motion, and insisting that I should not stir, thrust me back
+    from the door, which she shut, and flew down stairs.
+
+    'What was to become of me now, George? My situation was dangerous,
+    and really critical. To be short, I forgot my prudence, and found
+    the young lady's heart too, too tender.
+
+    'I never felt remorse before. I never had cause. I accuse myself
+    of indiscretion, but I have not the aggravating addition to my
+    fault of oaths and promises to fly in my face. I made none--love,
+    foolish love did all, and led a willing victim to his altar, who
+    asked nothing in return for the sacrifice she offered; and
+    received nothing but unavailing repentance on my side.
+
+    'I know not any thing now that would give me so much pleasure as
+    to find that the girl hated me heartily, though I have given her
+    no cause.
+
+    A just reparation I cannot make her. Every thing forbids that
+    thought. I do not consider myself as free; but if I were so, I am
+    not a seducer, and therefore do not think myself bound to carry my
+    penitence to such lengths. The damned aunt has been the serpent.
+    And here let me explain to you what I call buying the lady's
+    favour. You must know the aunt one night (the greatest part of
+    which she had spent at hazard) lost two hundred pounds; at least
+    she told me so the next morning, and with tears in her eyes
+    besought me, in the most earnest manner, to lend her that sum. She
+    said, she should be undone if her husband were to know it, and
+    that she would pay me in a very few days, as she had as much due
+    to her from different people who had lost to her at play. Though
+    our very short acquaintance could hardly warrant her making such a
+    request, I nevertheless did not hesitate, but gave her the money
+    directly. She meant indeed to pay me, but it was in a different
+    coin, and this I suppose was the price she set on the unhappy
+    girl's honour.
+
+    'My reflections on this unlucky affair make me very grave. I have
+    explained my situation to the young lady, and expressed my concern
+    at not having it in my power to be any other than a friend to her.
+    She blames her own weakness, and her aunt's conduct, but does not
+    reproach me. She cannot with justice, yet I wish she would, for
+    then I should reproach myself less.
+
+    ''Tis a foolish business, and I must get off as handsomely as I
+    can. Prithee, Bidulph, say something to encourage me, and put me
+    into more favour with myself. You have often been my confessor,
+    but I never wanted absolution so much as now; nor ever was so well
+    intitled to it, for I am really full of penitence, and look _so_
+    mortified, you would pity me. I am ashamed of having been
+    surprised into a folly; I who _ought_ to have been upon my guard,
+    knowing the natural impetuosity of my temper.
+
+    'I must not conclude without telling you, that this very morning,
+    the precious aunt, instead of paying me the two hundred pounds she
+    had of me before, very modestly requested I would oblige her with
+    another hundred, to redeem a pair of diamond ear-rings which she
+    had been obliged to part with for the supply of some other
+    necessary demands; and with abundance of smooth speeches, she
+    assured me, in a fortnight she would pay me all together, having
+    notes to that value which would then become due to her. I was such
+    a booby as to give it to her.--Why, fare it well--I never expect
+    to see a shilling of it. She thinks, perhaps, there is value
+    received for it. Vile woman! The affair fortunately for us all,
+    has not taken wind; and for me, the names of both aunt and niece,
+    may ever stand enrolled amongst those of chaste matrons and
+    virgins. The family quits this place soon, as the old gentleman is
+    better.
+
+    'I thank you for your care, in relation to my house, I hope to
+    take possession of it in a week or ten days; you are very good in
+    fixing me so near yourself. Adieu.
+
+                                                           'I am, &c.
+
+What do you think of this letter, my Cecilia, written in confidence to
+my brother? Mr Faulkland could not conceive it probable that any body
+but Sir George should ever see it; he had no reason therefore to gloss
+over any of the circumstances. _Had_ I seen it but in time--Oh what
+anguish of heart might we all have been spared! Miss Burchell singly as
+she _ought_, would have borne the punishment of her folly.
+
+My mother had not patience to read this letter through; nice and
+punctilious as her virtue was, she passed a censure on the crime in
+gross, without admitting any palliating circumstance. But I blame her
+not; the excellence of her own morals, made her scrupulous in weighing
+those of others; she read the letter in a cursory way, and it is plain
+but half of it; prepossessed as she was before, by knowing the material
+point.
+
+The account was given with levity at the _first_ mention of the young
+lady. Then she understood he had bought her of her aunt; there is a
+paragraph which _looks_ like it, and to be sure she attended not to the
+explanation. Fatal oversight! she read not far enough to have this
+matter cleared up. She took nothing but the bare facts into her account.
+A young lady dishonoured, her disgrace likely to be public, then her
+tenderness for the man who had undone her, and that man rejecting her,
+and on the point of marrying another. These were the only points of view
+in which my mother beheld the story. Her justice, her humanity, and her
+religion prompted her to act as she did; and her conduct stands fully
+acquitted to my judgment, though my heart must upon this full conviction
+of Mr Faulkland's honour, sigh at recollecting the past.
+
+I know that the memory of my mother's own first disastrous love wrought
+strongly on her mind. She was warm in her passions, liable to deep
+impressions, and always adhered strictly to those opinions she first
+imbibed. Her education had been severe and recluse; and she had drawn
+all her ideas of mankind from her own father and mine, who, I have been
+told, were both men of exemplary lives. From all these considerations, I
+must again say, that I entirely acquit my dear mother, in regard to her
+whole conduct, however I have suffered by it.
+
+
+                              _October 30_
+
+I am now fixed in a very humble situation. Shall I own it to you, my
+Cecilia? I was shocked at the change. A room two pairs of stairs high,
+with a closet, and a small indifferent parlour, compose the whole of my
+apartment. Hither did my faithful Patty, my two children, and myself,
+remove this day. It put us not to much trouble, having nothing to take
+with us but our wearing apparel, which is all the worldly goods of which
+I am now possessed.
+
+When I wrote to Lady V----, (which was a day or two before my mother's
+death) I mentioned not that she was then in so dangerous a way. I know
+the generosity and good nature of that worthy woman; but I have already
+been too much obliged to her to lay any fresh tax on her friendship,
+which I am sure she would too readily pay, if she were acquainted with
+my situation. I shall therefore, as long as I can, defer acquainting her
+with my mother's death; and when I do, I shall not give her room to
+suspect that my brother has cast me off, which I have now too much
+reason to believe he has; otherwise sure, in more than a fortnight, he
+might have found time to write to me. I neither expect ceremony, nor
+tenderness from him; but the occasion of my letter demanded some notice.
+
+
+                              _November 2_
+
+Patty has just now been informed, that Lady Sarah Bidulph is arrived in
+town. She met one of their servants, who told her that my brother is not
+come with her; it seems, they parted on the road. He is gone to Sidney
+Castle, which is now his, and Lady Sarah chose to come to London. She
+has, I find, been in London four days, though she has not yet vouchsafed
+to send me any notice of her arrival. She could not be at a loss where
+to find me, as I left my direction at my former lodging, in case of any
+letter or message, coming from any of my friends; though I desired the
+people of the house not to inform any indifferent visitants where I was
+to be found.
+
+Though George has, in his turbulent way, renounced me as his
+sister, yet sure his wife, whom I never disobliged, ought not to depart
+so from humanity and common good breeding, as not to enquire after
+the sister of her husband, who has an occasion of grief so recent, in
+which she ought to partake. I shall not however take notice of this
+slight, but am preparing to send Patty to her, with an enquiry after
+her health, and to know when my brother is expected in town.--
+
+Patty is just returned from her embassy to Lady Sarah; I will give
+you the conversation she had with her.
+
+Patty sent in her message, with great respect, by a footman, and
+waited for her answer in the hall; though her pretty figure and
+genteel mourning-dress had induced the servant to ask her into the
+house-keeper's room.
+
+Lady Sarah was alone in the parlour, and desired her to be called
+to the door. So, young woman, said she, your mistress desires to
+know when Sir George will be in town. I am really surprised, after
+the letter she received from him, that she can fancy Sir George
+means to concern himself about her. Do you know her business with
+him? you are in your mistress's secrets I suppose. I do not know,
+Madam, answered Patty, what particular business my lady may have;
+but I believe it would be a comfort to her to see her brother in her
+present melancholy circumstances. I don't know that there is any
+thing uncommonly melancholy in her circumstances, replied the lady;
+her mother's years and infirmities made her death a thing to be
+looked for; I suppose your mistress is not in _want_. My poor
+ingenuous Patty said she blushed at the cruel indifference with which
+Lady Sarah said this. Not in immediate want, Madam, I hope, but
+your ladyship must needs think she is in a destitute way, with two
+children, and but fifty pounds a year in the world. What do you
+mean, woman, cried Lady Sarah? it is impossible but Lady Bidulph
+must have left money behind her; Sir George, I am sure, has got
+nothing but what she could not keep from him. Patty answered, Lady
+Bidulph, Madam, left no money behind her more than what was
+barely sufficient to defray some necessary expences that occurred
+immediately after her death. Well, and so your mistress, I suppose,
+after having behaved so ill as she has done to her brother, expects he
+should provide handsomely for her, and her children; _Arnold's_
+children for the rest of their lives. I know not, Madam, returned
+Patty, what my Lady's expectations are, but I believe she would be
+very glad to see Sir George before she goes out of town, or at least
+inform him of her design. What _is_ her design, pray, asked Lady
+Sarah? To retire into the country, Madam, as she has not
+wherewithal to subsist on in London. She can't do better, I think,
+said the Lady. Where does she live now? My poor maid, who thought
+this question tended to the proud woman's calling on, or at least
+sending to me, made haste to inform her; she lodges, Madam, at a
+milliner's, at the corner of the Haymarket, the left hand as you turn--Oh
+dear! pray stop: you need not be so particular, I have no design of
+paying her a visit in her corner-shop; my only reason for enquiring
+was, to know whether she had thought proper to keep those
+expensive lodgings her mother was in, in expectation of Sir George's
+continuing _her_ in them. My Lady has no such view, I believe,
+Madam. Well, you may tell your _Lady_, that if she will go out of town
+with her children, I will prevail on Sir George to allow her
+something. He will not be in town this month, so that she need not
+wait for his arrival. She might, if she would have been guided by her
+brother, have been a credit to her friends, instead of what she now is.
+Patty owns, she was so full of indignation, that she wished at that
+moment not to have been a servant, that she might have reproached
+her with her hard-heartedness. Oh, my dear, these are the stings of
+poverty! It is not the hard bed, nor the homely board, but the
+oppressive insolence of proud prosperity; 'tis that only which can
+inflict a wound on the ingenuous mind.
+
+As for that mean woman, I despise her too much to suffer myself
+to be obliged to her. _She will endeavour to prevail on my brother._ If his
+own heart cannot prevail on him, I disclaim her influence; I know she
+means not to use it in my favour; on the contrary, I make no doubt
+but she will endeavour to irritate Sir George gainst me by
+misrepresentations. Her pride makes her wish to have an indigent
+relation out of the way, yet her avarice would not suffer her to enable
+me to retire; and she will make my continuing here through necessity
+a pretence for still with-holding any assistance from me. Let it be so;
+I would rather submit to the most abject drudgery, than owe a
+wretched dependant existence to such a woman. I am sure my
+brother, notwithstanding his resentment, if he knew what my
+situation truly is, would not behave with cruelty; but my mind is not
+become so sordid, fallen as I am, as to turn petitioner for relief. But
+no more, my Cecilia, let not my fate interrupt your happiness.
+
+
+                              _November 4_
+
+I have had a letter from Mrs Faulkland, filled with the overflowings of
+a joyful heart. She says, Mr Faulkland is so delighted with the country
+he is in, and finds his estate capable of such vast improvement, that he
+thinks of making a longer residence there than he at first intended: the
+rather as he has some suspicions that his agent has not acted faithfully
+by him; and as he is sure the extensive plan that he has now laid down,
+will be better executed under his own eye. He purposes building a little
+convenient lodge on a very charming spot in the centre of his estate,
+where he may reside whilst his works are carrying on; so that Mrs
+Faulkland promises herself much pleasure, in spending her time partly
+there and partly in Dublin. She has already made a large circle of
+acquaintance, and bestows high encomiums on the great politeness and
+hospitality with which they are received by all the fashionable people
+in the county.
+
+She knows not of my mother's death; yet in my answer to her letter, I
+cannot avoid mentioning it. Though I could wish for obvious reasons to
+conceal it. Mr Faulkland well knows the ruin of our fortune; and though
+he cannot suppose while I have a brother living that I am driven to such
+streights, yet I know what his liberal heart may suggest to him on this
+occasion, which might lay me under fresh difficulties.
+
+I have but just now apprised Lady V---- of the decease of my dear
+mother, but have not insinuated any other grief than the loss of a
+tender parent, and an agreeable companion. Indeed I have carried my
+dissimulation so far as not to desire this lady to change her address to
+me, lest if I gave her my present direction, she might be led to think,
+necessity had obliged me to change my former lodgings for worse. I shall
+use the same precaution towards Mrs Faulkland, as I have obtained
+permission from the gentlewoman whose house I lately left, to have my
+letters sent thither: when I go into the country a general direction to
+the post-house may suffice. I shall now look out for some little spot to
+retire to, where I can support life on the cheapest terms. In two months
+I shall have my small pittance due to me, which I reserve to carry me
+out of town, and to settle me in my new scheme of oeconomy in the
+country. If I could persuade my poor Patty to quit me, and see her
+settled in some eligible situation, I should then have no material
+concern to attend to, but the bringing up my children in the paths of
+virtue and humility. Humility, that happy frame of mind, on which so
+much of our temporal as well as our eternal welfare depends.
+
+
+                              _November 9_
+
+Who shall say, now is the measure of my griefs complete: Providence thou
+canst inflict no more! Oh my sister, in the midst of other sorrows, I
+thought not of one that still remained behind; my children, my two
+little angels! both dangerously ill. The small-pox is their distemper,
+and of the worst kind. The disease has been hanging over them for some
+days, and my close attendance on them, prevented me from using my pen.
+The cruel distemper now appears with the most malignant symptoms. The
+eldest always slept with me; I have resigned my bed to her for these
+three last nights, and have watched by her. Patty has done the same by
+the youngest. A humane and skilful physician attends them, but my
+reliance rests not on him.
+
+
+                             _November 12_
+
+Three days and nights of sorrowful anxiety have at length produced a
+little comfort to me. The distemper has now reached one crisis, whence
+the physician can form a judgment with some degree of certainty, and he
+bids me hope. Oh if it were not for that healing word, how could the
+wretched drag on existence from day to day? I do, I will hope, for there
+is a merciful providence that superintends his works.
+
+
+                             _November 21_
+
+Thank God! thank God! my Cecilia, the dear babes are out of danger.
+Fifteen melancholy days and nights has their disconsolate mother watched
+by the poor little sufferers; but I am fully repaid by having them
+restored to my prayers. They are now able to sit up, and open their
+pretty eyes which had been closed for so many days; and to add to my
+satisfaction I think they will not be marked: but they are still so
+feeble that it will be at least another fortnight before I can think of
+venturing their little tender frames out of doors.
+
+The physician's care and diligence deserved a greater recompence than I
+had it in my power to make him; however what I have done has reduced me
+to a single guinea. But this affects me not I shall make no difficulty
+of parting with some of my now unnecessary fineries, which neither I nor
+my children probably will ever again have any pretensions to wear.
+
+
+                             _November 22_
+
+I have felt the wounds of grief, the pangs of disappointment, and the
+smart of indignation! yet was my heart never more sensibly affected than
+it was just now by a circumstance proceeding from a cause very different
+from all these. I had taken out of my drawers a few superfluous
+ornaments, which I desired Patty to dispose of as if they were her own,
+to the woman where we lodge; being things in her own way of business.
+The poor girl looked at me for some time with a grief in her countenance
+that pierced me to the soul. There is no need, Madam, said she, with her
+voice almost stifled, there is no need I hope as yet for this. You don't
+consider, Patty, said I, that the children's weak constitution requires
+now a more than ordinary attention to their diet; and I have not
+sufficient to supply them long with such necessaries as they want. I
+have no occasion for these trifles, and I cannot see my little ones
+droop for want of such comfortable nourishment as may restore them to
+their strength. Nor shall they want it Madam, answered Patty; don't be
+angry with me Madam, if I beg you will let me use my endeavours to
+supply them. What do you mean, said I, I know the goodness of your
+disposition, but how have you it in your power? You know Madam, said
+she, I am pretty expert at my needle; and as our landlady has always
+abundance of work on her hands, I undertook to assist her, and have for
+this fortnight past, while I was closely confined to miss's room,
+finished a piece of curious work, for which she has this day paid me
+thirty shillings. You amaze me, said I, I never saw you employed
+otherwise than in your attendance on the child. I was afraid you would
+be displeased, Madam, she replied, and always hid my work when you came
+into the room, which I could easily do, as it was only a fine piece of
+point which I was grounding; and as I sat up night and day, I had an
+opportunity of sticking most constantly to it, which enabled me to do in
+a fortnight, what to another hand would be a month's labour. Now, Madam,
+with your leave, I can go on in this manner, and though perhaps I cannot
+always earn so much, yet I am sure I can still procure enough to prevent
+your being drove to the necessity of parting with your apparel, till we
+are in a condition to leave such an expensive place as London is. And do
+you think, my dear Patty, said I, with tears of affection and gratitude
+in my eyes, that I will consent to take the fruits of your ingenious and
+honest industry from you? No, no, if you can find time by these means to
+procure a little supply for your own pocket, do so; but I will not
+suffer you to expend a farthing of what you can earn, on my account. I
+saw she looked distressed and confounded; excuse me, Madam, said she,
+but I have made bold to lay out part of the money already; I thought the
+poor children would want a little wine to nourish them, and indeed,
+Madam, your spirits want some support after your long fatigue. I have
+bought a few bottles of wine, Madam, and some other little necessaries;
+I hope you will not take it ill.
+
+I pressed the affectionate creature's hand; I cannot be angry with you,
+Patty, for your goodness, but such proofs of it as these distress me
+more than my wants could. I accept of your kindness for this time, but
+insist on your not doing such a thing again. If there be occasion for
+it, I can apply to my needle as well as you, and would sooner do so,
+than part with any of my things, since it gives you so much uneasiness.
+
+The poor girl was rejoiced at my acceptance of her friendly and tender
+offer, and produced her little purchase, which was indeed both
+seasonable and useful.
+
+
+                             _November 23_
+
+I had this day a letter from Lady V----. I send you a copy of it.
+
+    'I condole with you, my dear Mrs Arnold, on the afflicting loss
+    you sustained in your good mother's death. You mention not any
+    particular consequences from this accident; but I know, that by
+    Lady Bidulph's death, you are deprived of a considerable part of
+    your income, and on this account I have taken the liberty of
+    friendship, to send you a supply, which your family-calls may
+    require, till your affairs are settled upon a better footing.
+
+    'Let me know how you and your brother stand; if he should not be
+    so kind to you as he ought, I insist upon your looking on me as
+    your banker, who know not how to make so good a use of my income,
+    as sharing it with those I love as I do you.
+
+                                                       'I am, &c.'
+
+The supply which Lady V---- mentioned, accompanied this letter, and was
+a bank bill of three hundred pounds.
+
+I own to you, my Cecilia, that my first emotions were only those of joy,
+surprize, and gratitude, for so unexpected and important a donation; but
+when those were a little subsided, I began to reflect on the nature, and
+manner of this noble act of friendship. I know Lady V---- is one of the
+best women living; she is generous, and compassionate, and has always
+honoured me with a particular regard; yet I must confess to you, her
+present now comes to me suspected. I believe I told you, that Lady V----
+had retired into Lancashire, to live with an only sister she has there:
+this Lady is a widow, and I have since been informed, was left with a
+very numerous young family, and an income scarce sufficient to support
+them genteely; they are now most of them grown up, and all the girls, of
+which there are five, unprovided for. Since Lady V----'s departure, I
+have been told, that it was principally on account of these young girls,
+of whom she is extremely fond, that she went to reside with her sister,
+in order to support them more agreeably to their rank; their father
+having been a general officer, and a man of high birth. Lady V----'s
+jointure is a thousand pound a year; but as I hear the family make a
+respectable figure in the country, and I am sure Lady V----'s fondness
+for her nieces, would induce her to save what she could, in order to
+leave them something at her death, I cannot reconcile it to her
+prudence, notwithstanding the liberality of her spirit, and the
+friendship she has for me, that she should make so considerable a
+present, at the same time give me as it were an unbounded letter of
+credit on her. Had she sent me the sixth part of the sum, I should not
+have doubted its being only the effects of her kindness towards me; and
+in her present situation, as considerable a proof of it, as she ought in
+regard to have given to one whom she has already bound under strong
+obligations. But the largeness of the sum renders it suspicious; and to
+tell you the secret inspirations of my heart, I fear it comes from a
+different quarter.
+
+I made Mrs Faulkland acquainted with my mother's death, about the same
+time that I informed Lady V---- of it. To neither did I give the most
+distant hint of my circumstances, yet Mr Faulkland knows they cannot be
+happy. He too knows better than any body, how far Sir George's
+resentment may carry him. Is it not natural then, my dear, to imagine
+that this man, who is generosity itself, should have taken this method
+of making Lady V---- the channel through which he conveys his
+liberality? I am sure it must be so. It is three weeks since Lady V----
+had the notice of my mother's death; Why thought she not sooner of
+reaching out her supporting hand, if she imagined I stood in need of it?
+I gave her no cause to believe I did; otherwise I make no question of
+her ready friendship, as far as her abilities would go: but _she_ could
+not know as well as Mr Faulkland how much my brother was exasperated
+against me, and therefore could not suppose me to be as destitute as I
+really am. She desires to know how my brother and I stand. This question
+is not Her's; Sir George, for his own credit, perhaps has not told Mr
+Faulkland what his conduct has been towards me, but he wants to be
+informed. Contriving man! I will disappoint him; nor shall he heap such
+obligations on me as must sink me under their weight. I will not receive
+this suspected gift of Lady V----'s; but it is a delicate point, and,
+whilst I refuse, I must take care not to offend. I will send Lady V----
+her bill back again, but in such a manner as to shew her, I refuse her
+gift for no other reason but its being too valuable.
+
+
+                             _November 24_
+
+See, my Cecilia, whether I have succeeded in my endeavours to
+refuse, with a good grace, my Lady V----'s offered kindness.
+
+This is my answer to her.
+
+    To Lady V----.
+
+    'You oppress me, my dear and ever honoured Lady V----, by a
+    generosity and friendship that knows no bounds. Why will you force
+    me to appear proud, or ungrateful, by refusing the favours of so
+    true a friend? But, my dear Madam, do not believe me either the
+    one or the other. Had you sent me a trifling token of your love,
+    you would have been convinced of my respect for you, by the
+    thankfulness with which I would have accepted it; but do not seek
+    to humble me so far, my good Lady V----, by heaping favours on me,
+    which I can never have a prospect of returning. With equal respect
+    and gratitude, permit me, Madam, to return your too considerable
+    present. I cannot in honour, receive a liberality, which I am so
+    little intitled to; and the less, as Justice now demands, that
+    your bounteous heart, so diffusive in its generosity, should a
+    little restrain itself.
+
+    'I cannot say that my circumstances are as happy as they have
+    been; yet have I, I thank Heaven, accommodated my mind to them. My
+    brother has not been in town since my mother's death; but I am not
+    without hope that he will make my situation easy. On this account,
+    I know my dear Lady V---- will the more readily pardon my refusal
+    of her obliging offer, and believe that her goodness is not
+    bestowed on an unthankful heart.
+
+                                                         'I am, &c.'
+
+In this letter I re-inclosed her bill, and have sent it off. Did I not
+well, my Cecilia? If, as I strongly suspect, this present came from Mr
+Faulkland, I should never endure myself, had I retained it. If it should
+have really come from Lady V---- herself, I must still approve my own
+conduct. The sum (circumstanced as she now is) was certainly too much
+for _her_ to bestow, or _me_ to receive; and in the manner of my
+refusal, I think I have insinuated this, with as much deference for Lady
+V----'s judgment as I could shew. She will see my motive, and I think
+that will be a sort of touch-stone, whereby I shall discover, from her
+behaviour, whether my doubts are well grounded or not.--
+
+Patty has, by her inquiries, heard of a little pleasant retirement in
+the country, about fifty miles off, where my children and I can be
+tolerably lodged and boarded for thirty pounds a year, at the house of
+an honest farmer, a relation of hers; thither I shall repair as soon as
+my little girls are in a condition to be removed.
+
+
+                        [_Continued by Patty._]
+
+
+                             _November 26_
+
+The dismal task is fallen upon me again, to keep an account of our
+melancholy days. My dear suffering lady is seized with a fever, and
+confined to her bed. She orders me, Madam, to write down every thing as
+it happens. Lord keep us! there is nothing but sorrows in this world: I
+am sure, at least, my poor lady has had her full share of them. Her
+close attendance on the children, and the loss of rest for so many
+nights, has brought this new affliction on her. Oh, Madam, the loss of
+health is a grievous thing, even when there are riches: what must it be
+in my lady's circumstances? But she has the patience of Job himself. To
+be sure, Madam, her trials are enough to put another beside themselves;
+but I think my lady's courage increases with her troubles. I was
+obliged, to-day, with an aching heart, to dispose of a fine lace head of
+my lady's. I heard her say, it cost sixty pounds; but, though it never
+was wet but once, I got but fifteen for it, and this, perhaps, may all
+go to the doctor, if my lady's illness continues long. What does it
+signify? We cannot buy health too dear.
+
+
+                             _November 30_
+
+My lady is better between whiles; the doctor says, her disorder is
+chiefly on her spirits; and, though it is not dangerous, he is afraid it
+will be very tedious. Lord! what will become of us if it is?
+
+
+                              _December 3_
+
+My lady has had a letter this day, from Lady V----, which she has
+ordered me to send you, Madam, a copy of.
+
+    To Mrs Arnold.
+
+    'You cannot imagine, my dear Mrs Arnold, how uneasy you have made
+    me, by your not accepting of the bill I sent you, because I too
+    well know the occasion you have for it. But, since you _have_
+    refused (and I know the sincerity and strength of your
+    resolutions) I must not take to myself the merit of this friendly
+    and generous offer; too liberal indeed, as you, with great
+    delicacy, hinted, for _me_ to make. To let you into the secret at
+    once, and that your gratitude may be directed to the proper place,
+    it was from our noble friend Mr Faulkland that I received that
+    sum, with instructions to send it to you, as from myself, for he
+    well knows you would not have accepted it from him; but, since I
+    see you are determined to reject it, as coming even from me, I
+    think I ought, in justice to him, to place this act of friendship
+    to the right account.
+
+    'I had a letter lately from Mr Faulkland, wherein he tells me,
+    that having heard, from your correspondence with Mrs Faulkland, of
+    Lady Bidulph's death, he fears you are by her loss, rendered
+    extremely unhappy in your circumstances. He is not a stranger to
+    the losses you formerly sustained in your fortune, and he says
+    besides, he knows your brother's warm temper so well, that he is
+    apprehensive he will carry an unreasonable resentment he has taken
+    up so far, as to deny you that brotherly kindness and assistance,
+    which you have a right to expect from him. "If this be the case"
+    (he adds) "what must be Mrs Arnold's situation?" He then conjures
+    me to convey to you that trifle (as he called it) under the
+    sanction of my own name, that being the only one from which he had
+    a hope it would not be refused; and he farther said, that if you
+    should be prevailed upon, on account of the friendship which he
+    knew there was between you and me, to accept of my service, he
+    would contrive, from time to time, to furnish you with such little
+    supplies, as might make you easy, 'till Sir George and you should
+    be on better terms. Now, my dear Mrs Arnold, you have the truth of
+    this whole affair. I own it was with great reluctance I lent my
+    name to impose on you, but, as it was so much for your benefit, I
+    overcame my scruple.
+
+    'I could wish your extreme nicety had not forbid you to accept
+    this offer: I have reason to be angry with you on this account;
+    yet my amiable, sagacious friend, perhaps you had your doubts. Be
+    that as it will, remember you said you would not have refused a
+    small token of my love; I wish I could send you one worthy of your
+    acceptance, and the love I bear you; we should then see whose
+    punctilio should get the better. As it is, I send you a very small
+    token, which I insist on your taking, if you have the least
+    occasion; if this should be the case, I know the candour of your
+    heart, and that you will be too ingenuous to grieve me by a
+    refusal.
+
+    'I hope Mr Faulkland will not be angry with me for betraying his
+    secret; But what would it now avail to keep it? I would have
+    _you_, as well as myself, know his worth. Oh how I lament--but it
+    is to no purpose--Adieu, my dear good creature! you are tried like
+    fine gold, and your excellence is become the more conspicuous by
+    adversity--.
+
+                                                          'I am, &c.'
+
+My Lady's spirits were greatly affected by reading this letter; she wept
+bitterly, and was so cast down all day, I was afraid it would make her
+disorder much worse. The good Lady V---- inclosed a bill of fifty pounds
+in it. My Lady said she must not refuse it, but would thank her ladyship
+whenever she was able to take a pen in her hand. God knows when that
+will be; for though she struggles with her illness, it still gets the
+mastery. The two young misses mend but slowly; they do not gather the
+least strength, and one of them has such a weakness in her eyes that she
+cannot bear the least light. Indeed, Madam, this is a most melancholy
+family. I pray to God night and day to keep me in health, more for their
+sakes than my own; for I think it would quite break my heart if they
+should want my attendance, and I should not be able to give it to
+them.--
+
+
+                              _December 6_
+
+I write on. Madam, as I am ordered, though I have but little to say, in
+the confinement of a dismal sick room, where I never see any body but a
+doctor and an apothecary: but my lady is unwilling to let this packet
+go, till she is able herself to tell you (with her own hand) that she is
+better, for fear my dull account should make you uneasy.
+
+
+                              _December 7_
+
+There is such changes and turns in my lady's disorder, that we do not
+know what to make of it. One while we think she is a little better, and
+then again the next hour she seems much worse than before. The doctor
+would have a consultation, though my lady is quite against it; but these
+doctors love to bring in one another. My Lady V----'s present came in
+good time, but if they go on at this rate it will not last long. My lady
+said to me to-day, Patty one would think that I was of great
+consequence, and mighty happy, by this bustle to preserve my life; but
+there is the tie (pointing to the two children); for their sakes I must
+try to get well.
+
+
+[After an interview of six weeks written by Mrs Arnold in a hand scarce
+legible.]
+
+
+                              _January 20_
+
+Restored at length by the mercy of God from the jaws of death! restored
+to my children, to my dear Cecilia, and just able to tell her with a
+feeble hand that her Sidney lives--.
+
+
+                              _January 25_
+
+I am now able, my dear, to reassume that task, once the most pleasing of
+my life, when health, joy, and prosperity gilded all my days. The scene
+is now changed; and I think I have nothing the same about me, but the
+feelings and affections of my mind. You cannot imagine, my Cecilia, how
+I am altered; you would not now say, that you envied my white and red;
+you would hardly know me, and it is not to be wondered at, preyed on as
+I have been for near two months by a slow but tormenting fever. It is
+with difficulty that I hold my pen, but my willing hand obeys my heart
+when it would pour itself out to thee. I have made a shift to scrawl a
+few lines to my good Lady V----, to thank her for her kindness. I could
+not refuse it! it would indeed have been disingenuous, considering the
+footing on which she put my acceptance of it. I should have been driven
+to extreme streights, if it had not been for her present, confined as
+long as I have been to the languishing bed of sickness.
+
+
+                              _January 26_
+
+Patty heard to-day that my brother has been in town some time, but he
+takes no notice of me. I have not a relation in the world but himself.
+He could not sure be so cruel, if he knew all. But Lady Sarah keeps it
+from him; she thinks perhaps I am slunk into some obscure corner, where
+she leaves me to distress. Sir George is not of a savage nature, yet his
+humanity is not strong enough to seek out the afflicted. His pride too I
+know is gratified by having me out of the way of observation, and so
+long as I do not call upon him, I find he will not enquire after me.
+
+The winter is now so far advanced, and I am in a condition so extremely
+weak, that I cannot, till the spring advances a little, think of taking
+my flight to my peaceful retreat in the country. I look eagerly forward
+to the time of my enlargement; such I may call it, for indeed, my dear,
+my spirits are quite exhausted with my long confinement in a little
+close lodging in this irksome town.
+
+
+                              _January 27_
+
+The gentlewoman with whom I lodged in St Alban's-street, told Patty, who
+went to her house to-day to enquire if there were any letters for me,
+that there have been, at different times, several people of my former
+acquaintance to look for me; but I do not find that one enquiry has come
+from my brother. I had given the gentlewoman instructions not to tell
+any stranger where I lodged. I believe this caution was needless, there
+are few who give themselves the trouble to trace out the steps of the
+unhappy; and I dare say, that those whom common form obliged to pay me a
+visit of condolence on my mother's death, were none of them much hurt at
+the disappointment of not finding me.--
+
+
+                              _January 30_
+
+I have been laying down a little sort of plan for my future life. I told
+you the terms I could live upon with the farmer whom Patty found out for
+me; but as I cannot expect to be boarded at so cheap a rate when my
+children are grown bigger, I have been devising the means how to enlarge
+my scanty income against the time that our wants must necessarily
+increase; for I am firmly resolved my kind Lady V---- shall never
+augment the debt I already owe her. You know, my dear, I am pretty
+dexterous at my needle; the woman where I lodge deals in embroidery,
+which is much in fashion, and I think I have not seen any, though she
+pays largely to her artificers in this way, equal to some pieces of my
+own work. Now, my Cecilia, I have resolved to apply myself to this when
+I get into the country. I shewed the woman a small fire-skreen wrought
+by me when I was a girl, the same which I remember my poor Mr Arnold
+accused me of neglecting for my Horace, and which had never been made
+up; she said the work was so curious, that she would give any price for
+such a hand. Patty is well skilled in this sort of work too, and as I
+find she is determined not to quit me, I must, in return, endeavour not
+to let the poor girl be too great a sufferer for her kindness.
+
+I think we shall between us be able to do a good deal, and my landlady
+has promised to receive and dispose of our work for a small
+consideration; as fast as we can send it to her; which we shall have
+constant opportunities of doing.
+
+You cannot imagine how pleased I am with my scheme. Patty is in raptures
+at the thoughts of her being permitted to continue with me. I would even
+now set about my project if my health would allow me; but alas! my
+Cecilia, I am still so feeble, I am not able to sit up more than an hour
+or two at a time; and cannot walk a-cross my narrow room without help.
+Fresh air and a little gentle exercise would I am sure, more than any
+thing, contribute to restore my strength; but the means to procure
+these, are not conveniently within my power; so that I must wait that
+slow, but generally sure remedy, patience.
+
+
+                             _February 10_
+
+I have a wonderful incident to relate to you! you, my Cecilia, I know
+will join with me in admiring and praising God for his gracious
+providence!
+
+This morning I was but just risen and got down into my little parlour,
+when Patty came to tell me, a man desired to speak with me. I
+immediately ordered him to be admitted. Patty accordingly introduced the
+person, who had stood in the entry whilst she was speaking to me. He
+seemed to be a man between forty and fifty years old, mean in his
+apparel, though clean. I nodded to my maid to leave the room, which when
+she had done, I civilly demanded of the stranger his business.
+
+I was standing when he entered the room, and continued doing so while I
+spoke to him, not thinking from his appearance that he was intitled to
+sit down with me. You know I am not proud, but there is a sort of usage
+established, which we naturally fall into. The man who had advanced some
+steps into the room, looked over his shoulder as if for a chair; so I
+understood the motion, and accordingly sat down myself, and bad him do
+so too. He did, and with an air as if he considered the civility to be
+only what was due to him.
+
+I believe, Madam, said he, though you do not remember me, that you
+cannot be ignorant of your having had a relation of the name of Warner,
+who went to the West-Indies about five and twenty years ago. I answered,
+I do remember to have heard of such a person.
+
+You see that unfortunate man before you, he replied; I am your near
+relation, Madam, your father was my mother's only brother: I have been
+very unhappy; I lost, in my return to England, what almost five and
+twenty years industry had scraped together: the sum was but a moderate
+one, yet sufficient to have supported me decently for the remainder of
+my life. I asked him, how it happened? I began, said he, to grow sickly
+abroad, and was told that my native air might restore me. This advice so
+well agreed with my own inclinations, which were, for a long time past,
+bent upon returning home, that I took the first opportunity of a ship
+bound for England; but we were unluckily met by a French privateer, who
+stripped me of every thing but the clothes on my back, and set me on
+shore on the coast of Spain, whence I begged my passage to England,
+having nothing to support me but a few shillings, part of a collection,
+made for me and my fellow-sufferers, amongst some English gentlemen.
+
+Whilst he spoke I thought I could discover a likeness in his face to my
+father. He was reckoned extremely to resemble his sister, the mother of
+this unhappy Mr Warner; she was a fine woman, and I had seen her
+picture. His story was credible; and I had no reason to doubt the truth
+of what he said.
+
+And here I will give you a brief account of what occasioned this
+unfortunate relation to be thus long an alien from his family.
+
+His mother, as you have just now heard, was my father's sister, who
+threw her person and her fortune away upon a broken officer. This act
+disobliged my father so much, that from the time of her marriage, to the
+hour of her death, he never would see her. Her husband died, when this
+their only child was about nine years old; the poor mother survived him
+but a short time, and the orphan boy was left to my father's mercy. I
+have often heard him say he was very unlucky, and never could be
+persuaded into a love of his book; he was, however, put to school, and
+my father bestowed the same expence on his education, as if he had been
+his own son. When he was about sixteen years old, as he wrote a good
+hand, and had a great capacity for figures, he bound him apprentice to a
+merchant, in which situation he had been above a year, (and during that
+time he had made several elopements, and was with difficulty reconciled
+to his master, through my father's mediation) when he committed such a
+misdemeanour in his master's family as obliged him to abscond.
+Accordingly he stole, unknown to any body, on board a ship bound to the
+West-Indies, of which his master was partly owner, where he hid himself,
+and nobody could tell what was become of him, 'till my father, about
+nine months after his departure, received a letter from him, dated from
+Jamaica, wherein he begged pardon of him, and his master, for his
+elopement, told him, that he had been taken into a merchant's compting
+house, and declared, that he meant, by his diligence and good behaviour,
+to make amends for his past ill conduct. This was the only letter my
+father or any of his friends ever had from him. He answered it; but had
+no return; nor could he, from repeated enquiries, made two or three
+years after, learn any thing of him; so that all his relations concluded
+him dead.
+
+These particulars I had heard before from my father, and his relations
+perfectly agreeing with them in every circumstance, I could have no
+doubt but that he was the man. Sir, said I, I very well remember to have
+heard your story; your likeness to my father, who was the image of your
+mother, leaves me no room to question your being the Mr Warner, of whom
+I have so often heard: you are indeed my near relation, and it grieves
+my heart to see you in such distress; and the more so, as I have not the
+ability I could wish to assist you; but we will talk over more
+particulars after breakfast. I rang the bell, and ordered Patty to get
+some coffee. While we were at breakfast, I asked my new-found kinsman by
+what means he had discovered me so soon? (for, by the way, I should have
+told you that he said he had been arrived but two days in London.) He
+answered, that one of the English gentlemen, who had been so kind to him
+at Cadiz, had given him a letter to a gentleman in London, for whom he
+was to leave it at a coffee-house in Pall-mall; that as he was
+delivering it, he perceived another letter lying on the bar, directed to
+Sir George Bidulph. The two names struck him, remembering them to be
+those of his cousin. His uncle, he supposed, was dead; but he determined
+to enquire who that gentleman was, and if he found it to be my brother,
+to apply to him for assistance. He had soon an opportunity of being
+satisfied; my brother happened to come in his chariot to the door, just
+as Mr Warner was going out; he knew the arms, and had some recollection
+even of his features. It was past three o'clock, and I heard Sir George
+direct his servant home. I concluded he was going to dinner, and that
+the morning was the properest time to call on him, and having informed
+myself where he lived, I accordingly went yesterday morning.
+
+He stopped, and sipped his coffee for some time without speaking.
+
+And did you see him, Sir? Yes, Madam, I saw him, and heard him too. He
+has got a fine house, and seems to have every thing very elegant about
+him. When I was let into the hall, I desired the footman to acquaint his
+master that a gentleman, newly arrived from the West-Indies, wanted to
+speak with him, being commissioned by Mr Warner, a relation of his, to
+enquire after him. The footman went up stairs, and returning presently,
+asked me if I brought a letter from the gentleman I mentioned. I said,
+No, but I had something to say to him.
+
+The servant, after delivering this message, came halfway down the first
+flight of the stairs, and leaning over the banisters, he bid me walk up.
+I found your brother, and his lady (I suppose) in her dressing-room, at
+breakfast. There was tea and chocolate on the table. I bowed very
+respectfully; the lady scarce moved her head; your brother said, Your
+servant, Sir, and viewed me from head to foot, but fixed his eyes
+earnestly on my face. The footman who had introduced me had withdrawn.
+Sir, said I, have you quite forgot me? I remember you well. He answered
+hesitatingly, and with a change of countenance that boded me no good, I
+protest, Sir,--I--I know nothing of you. 'Have you forgot your cousin
+Ned Warner?' He looked at his wife, and she at him; he forced a smile at
+her, which she returned, without knowing for what. 'I do remember there
+was such a one related to the family, whom we all supposed to be dead;
+as for recollecting his person--'tis really so long ago--that I--can't
+say I do.' All this while he let me stand, he was lolling in an easy
+chair, and had a dish of chocolate in his hand, of which he sipped and
+spoke to me by turns. His wife was feeding a monkey that was perched on
+her shoulder.
+
+I am indeed more altered than you, Sir George; the hardships which I
+have undergone, and my long residence in a warmer climate, may readily
+account for that; but have you no traces of my features? No recollection
+of my voice? I have carried you many times in my arms. 'Sir, I do not
+dispute the _identity_ of your person, but I should be glad to know
+your commands with me.' _Commands_ I have none, Sir: the poor must
+entreat, not command.
+
+I then proceeded to tell him my unhappy story in the same words I just
+now gave it to you. His lady seemed not to mind me, but kept talking to
+her marmouset. He listened to me, but with so much impatience in his
+looks, as quite abashed me. I was still standing, but a little to take
+off the aukwardnes of my posture, I had ventured to rest one arm on the
+back of a chair.
+
+When I had done speaking, your brother got up in a violent passion, to
+which he seemed to have been working himself up during the time I took
+to explain myself. He whisked away the chair on which I was leaning, and
+walked to the other end of the room; then turning to his lady, Is not
+this a pretty fellow to force his way in upon us, by a sham story of a
+message from a relation? and now truly by way of an agreeable surprize
+he turns out to be that very relation come a begging in his own proper
+person. Sir, said I, I ask your pardon for the liberty I took to gain
+admittance to you; but you will be the more inclined to excuse me, if
+you please to consider that it was out of respect to you that I would
+not in the mean appearance I now make, acknowledge myself to any of your
+servants; for the same reason I imagined, that had I not sent a message
+which I was in hopes would have a little interested you in my favour, I
+might have been ordered to send up my business by your footman, which
+would I thought have been quite improper. You might have writ, said he,
+interrupting me. Ah Sir, (shaking my head) if I _had_--and I stopped
+short. 'You might not have been much the better for it: is that what you
+would say? (with a contemptuous half sneer.) In short, Sir, I can do
+nothing for you; what is it that you expect I _should_ do?' I do not
+mean to be a burden on you, Sir, I replied, I was bred to business, I
+write a good hand, and understand accompts. I hope to get into some
+merchant's house; but in the mean time I am starving. I am an utter
+stranger here, though in my own country. I observed he had slipped his
+hands into his breeches pocket, and seemed to be feeling for a bit of
+money. Sir George, said the lady, (who had observed him as well as I)
+'tis to no purpose to give any thing to these sort of people; assist
+one, and They will send another to you, and so there is no end to such
+claims. Your brother withdrew his hand from his pocket, as if checked by
+his lady's looks. 'Sir, it is not in my power to assist you.' I then
+asked him if you were living, and where I could find you? for though you
+were not born when I left England, I heard afterwards that Sir Robert
+Bidulph had a daughter. Your brother replied peevishly he knew nothing
+of you, as you preferred the friendship of strangers to that of your
+relations. He then rang the bell, and calling his man to dress him, went
+out of the room without casting a look at me. I ventured to ask his lady
+your name (if you had changed it) and where you lived. She told me your
+name, but said she knew not where you lodged, adding I might spare
+myself the trouble of enquiring you out, for to her knowlege you could
+do nothing for me.
+
+I took my leave, but enquiring of a footman whom I found in the hall, he
+directed me to St Alban's Street, where you formerly lodged. I went
+there, and it was with difficulty that I could prevail on the woman of
+the house to tell me where you now lived; but my necessities made me
+urgent, and I waited on you this morning, Madam, to make my distress
+known to you; but I am afraid the information I had from your
+sister-in-law concerning you has but too much truth in it. As he spoke
+this he cast his eyes round my meanly furnished parlour, looked at the
+poor equipage of my tea table, and again sipped his unfinished and now
+cold dish of coffee.
+
+Sir, said I, when my sister informed you that I was poor, it is certain
+she spoke truth; I am not, however, I thank God, _so_ poor but that I
+can spare you a little; if you will take a cheap lodging near me, I will
+supply you with enough to pay for it; and if you can eat as I and my
+little family do, you shall be welcome to us every day till something
+can be done for you. I see but very few people, but I will speak to such
+as come in my way to try to have you recommended to some one for
+employment. I then put my hand in my pocket, and taking out five
+shillings (all the silver I had) I put it into his hand: Sir, you may
+owe some little trifle where you have slept these two nights, I fear
+your lodging has been but poor, but if this will not discharge it tell
+me freely.
+
+He suffered me to drop the shillings into his unclosed hand. He fixed
+his eyes eagerly on my face, but instead of replying to what I said, he
+only cried out, Good God! good God! and undoing two or three buttons at
+his breast, he sobbed as if his bosom was bursting. I was affected with
+his gratitude, and tried to disperse the tears that mounted to my eyes.
+I wish I could weep, said he, but I can't; and may these be the last
+tears that ever you shall have occasion to shed! my worthy, my generous,
+my pious relation! God forgive me for trying such a heart, but I will
+reward it, amply will I reward your goodness.
+
+He then drew a red letter-case out of his bosom, and, opening it, he put
+a bill into my hand for two thousand pounds on the bank of England.
+Think, my dear, how I started at such a vision! Sir, you amaze me! was
+all I could say. I beg your pardon for deceiving you, said he, but it
+was with a good intent. I suppose it is needless to tell you that I am
+not that poor forlorn wretch that I represented myself to you. Hear the
+real truth of my circumstances. You see before you (of a private man)
+one of the richest subjects in these dominions. You have heard that my
+setting-out was no other than that of a common writing-clerk in a
+merchant's counting-house at Jamaica; from whence I wrote twice to your
+father, but never had any answer. I interrupted him to tell him, I had
+heard my father say he had got one letter from him, and had writ to him
+in return, and afterwards made many enquiries after him without success.
+Perhaps he might, said he, but I never received it, nor heard of any
+enquiries made, which piqued me so, that I resolved never to write
+again. In a little time I made myself so useful to my master that he
+grew exceedingly fond of me; and having no heir but an only daughter,
+who it seems had conceived an inclination for me, though without my
+suspecting it, but which her father had by some means discovered, he
+frankly made an offer of her to me in marriage; with an assurance of
+leaving me all that he was worth at his decease, and an immediate
+proffer of entering into partnership with him. The only return he
+required on my part, was to change my name, and assume his, which was
+Collett. I made no scruple of complying; for though my regard to the
+young lady had never risen to what is commonly called love, I yet
+thought her in all respects an unexceptionable match. I married her; my
+patron punctually fulfilled his promise; and at the end of three years I
+found myself by his death in possession of a considerable estate. The
+following year I lost my wife in childbed of her first child, who died
+with its mother. The changing my name was probably the occasion of my
+not being found out by those employed to enquire after me; and I perhaps
+ought now to acknowlege myself careless in not acquainting my friends
+with my good fortune.
+
+I had such uncommon success in trade that my wealth increased amazingly.
+In about five years after the decease of my first wife, I married the
+widow of a merchant, with whom I got an immense fortune. This lady I
+truly loved. She was an amiable creature. I had one son by her, a fine
+youth, and we lived happily together for twelve years; at the end of
+which it pleased God to take from me both wife and child. Poor man! his
+tears began to flow here. He proceeded. After this loss my own life
+began to grow tiresome to me; I had more riches than I knew what to do
+with, and had nobody to leave them to; my health began to decline; I
+grew weary of the place, and resolved, partly to divert my melancholy,
+and partly through affection to my native country, to see England once
+more. I settled my affairs in the best manner, sent considerable sums of
+money over before me, and brought a large one with me. During my voyage
+the whim took me, that I would enquire privately after your family, and
+present myself to you as I have done, in order to make trial of your
+dispositions, resolving, according as I found you worthy of it, to share
+my fortune amongst you, as I knew I had no other relations in the world.
+
+I have been in England above a month. The first thing I did was to go
+down into Wiltshire, where I was soon informed that your father and
+mother were dead, and that your brother was married and resided for the
+most part in London; you, I was told, had been married and was a widow,
+but I could learn no more about you. On my return to town I soon found
+where your brother lived, and had the pleasure to hear a good character
+of him; but I had determined to make my own experiment on him, and I did
+intend, had he received me ever so kindly, to have made the same
+experiment on you, before I disclosed my plot to either of you.
+
+I dressed myself in these old clothes on purpose, and what the success
+of my scheme has been you know. Your brother, narrow hearted, inhuman
+wretch, I blot forever from my thoughts: it will be the better for you,
+though I have more than enough for you both.
+
+Your kindness, I tell you again, my valuable relation, I will repay an
+hundred-fold. Accept of that bill in your hand for your present use. I
+am sure you want it; and accept of it only as an earnest of my future
+friendship towards you. That brother, in affluence himself, who could
+see his sister, _such_ a sister want, must have lost all regard to ties
+of blood, and 'tis no wonder that I, so much further removed in kindred,
+met with such treatment at his hands.
+
+See, my Cecilia, what an amazing turn of fortune! What could I do but
+lift up my eyes, as I did my heart, in silent adoration of that God, who
+is a father to the fatherless, and defendeth the cause of the widow!
+
+It was some time before I could frame my mind to discourse on ordinary
+subjects. I gratefully accepted my cousin's noble present. He enquired
+minutely into my situation; there was no need of concealing any thing
+from him, nor did I attempt it. He was very inquisitive as to my
+brother's behaviour towards me. I told him the whole of it; he was even
+bitter in his invectives against him, and Lady Sarah. But, said he, I
+will have my revenge on them; I will make you triumph over him, and that
+proud upstart his wife. What lodgings you are in my poor dear creature!
+Is this your best room? I told him I had nothing but that and a
+bed-chamber where the children and I lay, and a closet for my maid. He
+desired to see the children, and I had them both brought it. He kissed
+them tenderly; poor babes! you have a cursed uncle, but you have a very
+good mamma, and I will take care of you all.
+
+I will dine with you to-morrow, said he; let us eat a comfortable morsel
+together, and for your life not a word of what has past to any body. He
+then took an affectionate leave of me and departed.--Let me here lay
+down my pen and wonder at my fate!
+
+I have got into a flow of spirits, my dear. What scenes of happiness
+might now open upon me, if happiness consisted in riches alone? but no,
+no, it does not. My heart, broken by vexation, cannot recover its
+tranquillity so soon. Yet is there room for joy, joy springing from a
+rational, from a humane, from a commendable motive; and I will a little
+indulge it. I can now in part return the vast obligation I owe Mr
+Faulkland, as far as at least relates to pecuniary debts. I can now
+repay many-fold the kindness of my good lady V----. I can provide for my
+affectionate worthy Patty. I have the delightful prospect of giving my
+children an education suitable to their birth; and, if my life is
+prolonged, of seeing them honourably and happily settled in the world. I
+shall have the glorious power of diffusing benefits! Oh, my dear, 'tis
+good for me that I have been in trouble, it has so enlarged my charity,
+that I feel transports which prosperity is a stranger to, at the bare
+idea of having it in my power to succour the afflicted. Who would not
+suffer adversity to have the heart so improved?
+
+
+                             _February 11_
+
+My new-found relation dined with me to-day according to promise. Patty
+had provided two dishes of the best things in season, and dressed them
+admirably; I need not tell you in what satisfaction Mr Warner and I
+enjoyed our little chearful meal. He had sent me in the morning a hamper
+of excellent wine, and seemed to relish his bottle with an extraordinary
+good goust.
+
+When Patty had carried the children up stairs, and we were left alone,
+he told me that he had been that morning looking out a house for me; you
+must quit these lodgings directly, and submit a little to my management;
+for I _will_ mortify your paltry brother and his wife. You shall have as
+handsome a house as his, and better furnished too, or I'll know why. You
+must know I mean to set you out like a dutchess, and you shall roll by
+that worthless puppy's door in a better equipage than his minx is
+carried in. But I do not intend to live with you as well as I love you;
+for though I am an old weather-beaten fellow, you are young and
+handsome, and the world I know is full of scandal. I shall therefore
+content myself with a lodging some where in your neighbourhood, and come
+and see you now and then. I thanked him for the prudence of his
+consideration, but begged he would restrain his generosity, and suffer
+me to live in that moderate state, which, if I had ever so much riches,
+would be my choice. Don't oppose me coz, said he; pray don't. I _must_
+have my way in this, I have set my heart upon it. You shall _blaze_ for
+a while at least; when I have had my revenge, you may live as you please
+afterwards. I was unwilling to contradict him in his odd humour; yet was
+very much afraid of the consequences of _blazing_, as he called it, all
+at once. But dear Sir, said I what will the world think of my emerging
+thus from obscurity into the splendour you talk of? though you do not
+live with me, as I am still young, may it not give room for censure?
+busy people will pry into the source from whence I draw my affluence,
+and envy will not be backward in putting wrong constructions on an
+appearance by which it will be so much excited.
+
+He listened, looking at me earnestly in the face; then nodding his head,
+with a very grave countenance said, You are a sensible woman, coz, and I
+commend your prudence, but I must have my will for all that. I could not
+forbear smiling at his manner; and going on, if, said I, I were to enter
+again into public life with a moderately genteel appearance only,
+nobody's curiosity would be excited, as it might easily be supposed that
+my brother had enabled me to support a decent figure in the world.--I
+soon found that I had made use of a wrong argument, which put my friend
+into a violent passion. A fiddle-stick for you and your brother too,
+said he; do you think I will let that whelp have the credit of what _I_
+mean to do for you? no, no, set your heart at rest about that; what I
+do, all the world shall know, and my reasons for it too. I'll have my
+own way; there is no hurt I hope in providing for a near kinswoman, that
+is left to starve by a still nearer relation. I make you my heir, look
+you, and I will spread it all over the town. Is there any harm in that?
+God knows I have no more ill in my heart than one of your children; but
+I am a little resenting may be, so say no more of it. I found Mr Warner
+was pretty positive, therefore thought it the wisest way to insist no
+farther upon the argument; but told him I would submit intirely to his
+discretion. It will be best for you, said he; consider me as your
+father, and I will _be_ a father to you. He then told me that he had
+been trying to get a house for me near my brother's, that I might _nose_
+him as he called it; but that as there were none empty in the square, he
+had fixed on a very handsome one in an adjoining street. I did not like
+the furniture, said he, so I ordered it out, and have bespoke new of an
+upholder, who promises me, in a week or ten days at farthest, to have
+every thing completely fitted up. In the mean time I can't bear to see
+you in this sorry room; poor soul! how long have you been here? I told
+him near four months, and that, with his permission, I would continue in
+these lodgings till the house was ready, as it was not worth while to
+change them for so short a time. Well, said he, you may do as you will
+for that; I'll see that every thing is to your satisfaction. He took his
+leave with an affectionate shake by the hand.
+
+How miraculous is all this, my dear! this messenger of good tidings, is
+he not sent to me by providence? as I found he intended not to make a
+secret of his designs in my favour, I was in haste to divulge the joyful
+news to my friends. I have accordingly writ to my Lady V----, giving her
+an account of the wonderful revolution in my affairs; and I intend, as
+soon as I can fix upon some curious present worth her acceptance, to
+make her a large return for her favours. I have also acquainted Mrs
+Faulkland of the happy turn in my fortune, and I design a magnificent
+present for her as soon as I have time to prepare it. To neither of
+these ladies have I hinted at my brother's behaviour, either to myself,
+or Mr Warner. I have made the good woman, with whom I lodge, stare
+wonderfully at the relation. I could get nothing from her but
+exclamations of astonishment, her hands and eyes lifted up, 'Good God!
+Lord bless us! what strange things come about! what luck _some_ people
+are born to! and this was your _own, own_ cousin that you never set eyes
+on before? My goodness, what a swarthy gentleman he is! but tumbling in
+gold, I warrant him. It would be long before such good fortune would
+happen to me, though I have a cousin beyond seas too.' I could plainly
+see that this poor woman envied my prosperity, though she tried to
+congratulate me; but it is the less to be wondered at, as she knew not
+that I was born to any better prospect, than that of working for my
+bread in a two pair of stairs room.
+
+
+                             _February 15_
+
+I have not seen my honest kinsman these four days; but he sent me a note
+to inform me that he was busy in seeing every thing put in order in my
+new house; and that he abstained from visiting me out of _discretion_,
+this word he marked, the more to impress his full meaning. He says I
+shall not see any thing till all is ready, neither has he yet so much as
+told me the street where I am to live. I find he _will_, as he himself
+says, have his own way.
+
+
+                             _February 22_
+
+Now, my Cecilia, I may reasonably hope that my afflictions are at an
+end: as far as wealth can promote felicity, that felicity is mine.
+
+I have just settled with my landlady, and having paid her for her
+lodgings, made her a present, a little to reconcile her to my
+prosperity, when a new chariot most superbly gilt stopped at my door; a
+black and a white footman in rich laced liveries behind it. One of these
+brought me a note from Mr Warner, who informed, me that he had sent my
+_own_ equipage to carry me home, where I should find him waiting to
+welcome me to my _own_ house.
+
+Patty seemed to have got wings to her feet; she flew up to me with the
+welcome notice, and begged of me to observe from the window, that the
+servants were in our own family livery; with this difference, that the
+lace was silver instead of what we used to give.
+
+On expressing my surprise at this, Patty told me that Mr Warner had, at
+his second visit, enquired of her, as she let him out, what liveries we
+used to give, but bid her not mention it to me; which she said she would
+not do, as she guessed he meant to surprise me. But this was not all, he
+had been so minutely correct, as to have the Arnold arms in a lozenge
+elegantly painted on the doors; what these were, he was at the pains of
+informing himself elsewhere. My Patty almost frantick with joy hurried
+the two children down stairs, and stuck them up in the chariot, telling
+them both it was their own as she put them into it; but the poor babes
+fell a crying, and were not to be pacified by the novelty or finery of
+the thing till I came to them. She staid behind to send our little
+baggage after us, and I drove to my new house in Pall-mall; where I
+found my generous benefactor waiting, as he had promised, to receive
+me.
+
+Oh my dear he is a princely man! such grandeur, such elegance! he led me
+thro' every room, where wealth and magnificence were displayed even to
+profusion. From top to bottom there is not the smallest article wanting
+that luxury itself can imagine. The carpets, skreens, cabinets, and an
+abundance of fine china, are beyond comparison more beautiful than any
+thing of the kind I have ever seen. 'Tis but eleven days since my
+kinsman mentioned his design to me, and you must believe he has been
+indefatigable in his diligence, since he has left nothing for me to do,
+but at once to take possession of this splendid mansion. All the
+necessary domesticks are hired, and ready in their respective stations;
+and I am already as much settled in a few hours, as if I had lived here
+so many years.
+
+Mr Warner told me that as a trifle would not be sufficient to keep up
+every thing in proportionable state about me, he intended to allow me
+three thousand pounds a year. This appointment, said he, you are to
+consider as your own property, and just call upon me as you would on
+your steward. I am sure you will employ it well, you gave me a proof of
+that in _your five shillings_. You need not be afraid of being too
+profuse in your charities; when I die you will find yourself possessed
+of the means of continuing them.
+
+Dear Sir, said I, long may you live to feel and rejoice in the blessings
+which _your_ bounty will, through me, I hope, draw down on us both. I
+leave you to enjoy yourself, said he; but I am impatient till your
+brother knows what he has lost by his hard-heartedness. He cannot long
+be ignorant of it, Sir, replied I; but indeed I flatter myself that he
+is not quite so much to blame in regard to me, as we have both imagined.
+You see he seemed to know nothing of my situation when you enquired
+after me, and even threw out something like a reproach for my having
+withdrawn myself without acquainting him where I was; I am very sure
+lady Sarah never informed him of my having applied to her.--It was his
+duty to have enquired you out, said he; did he not know you were poor?
+He knew, said I, that my circumstances were very much streighten'd, but
+he did not know _how_ much. Well, well, answered Mr Warner, it is good
+in you to excuse him, but _I_ know him to be a narrow-hearted poltroon.
+He took his leave, and said he would see me soon again, having taken
+lodgings for himself in my neighbourhood.
+
+
+                             _February 23_
+
+I begin to doubt, my Cecilia, whether I am really awake or not! 'Tis
+all enchantment! I am afraid my old kinsman is a wizard.... I have been
+talking to, and examining my servants, to see if they are real living
+people, or only phantoms; I look at, and handle the rich furniture of my
+apartments to try if it be substantial!--'Tis all so--every thing
+real--I beg my cousin's pardon for suspecting him of sorcery; I believe
+he deals in no charms, but that all-powerful one--money.
+
+Now, my sister, what a spacious field is there opened before me! Three
+thousand pounds a year! how many hearts will it be in my power to make
+glad! and I will make many glad.
+
+    'O Lord God, who hast showered down thy blessings in abundance on
+    my head, vouchsafe me such a portion of thy grace, that I may
+    become an humble instrument of thy mercy, to those whom the rod of
+    adversity has laid in the dust. Teach me so to use this thy
+    bounteous favour, that _Thy_ honour, not _my_ worldly desires may
+    be promoted; that _Thy_ praise, not _my_ pride may be exalted. And
+    if, O Lord, thou hast chosen me to be the dispenser of thy
+    fatherly kindness to the afflicted that cry unto thee, quicken in
+    my heart such diligence, humility, and integrity, as may render me
+    not unworthy of the important trust. But if, O my God! thou has
+    sent riches only to be a trial of my strength, unsupported by
+    thee; be merciful, take them from me, and restore to me that
+    poverty, which first taught me to know myself.'
+
+Upon my knees I have poured out this prayer to the Almighty, and it is
+the fervent wish of my soul that he would grant it.
+
+
+                             _February 26_
+
+You will smile, my dear, as I did, in pity of the meanness of poor Lady
+Sarah; but proud people are always mean. I have been here but four days,
+yet I find she has already heard of my metamorphosis. Indeed she could
+hardly do otherwise, so near her as I am. Mr Warner has been very urgent
+with me to drive out in my new chariot; this I readily complied with, as
+both the children and I wanted air and exercise, and yesterday we drove
+to Hyde-Park. I did not however go at the hour when there is most
+company, but I conclude I was seen either by Lady Sarah herself, or by
+some one who told her; for this morning, prodigious! she sent her woman
+to me with a message. I had her called up stairs, and enquired very
+civilly after my brother and his lady.
+
+She told me that Lady Sarah sent her humble service to me, and was very
+much surprised that she had not heard from me in so long a time; that
+she supposed I was gone out of town, but as Sir George seemed uneasy
+that I never wrote to him, her ladyship had sent her to enquire for me
+at my old lodgings in the Hay-Market, from whence she had been directed
+to me here; and that she was ordered to tell me that her lady had talked
+to my brother about the affair that I knew of, and that Sir George would
+act agreeably to her request, if I would call or write a line to him.
+
+I found the woman had been instructed to feign an entire ignorance on
+her lady's part of the change in my circumstances, but I was resolved to
+let her see I had detected this paltry artifice. I could observe that
+the servant, though she endeavoured to avoid it, eyed every thing in my
+apartment with surprise and curiosity; and I concluded that Lady Sarah
+had sent her for no other purpose, but to satisfy herself from her
+maid's account, whether the report she had heard concerning me was true.
+Tell your lady, said I, she needed not to have been at the pains of
+framing such a message to have gratified her curiosity; my house is open
+to any one who has a mind to look at it, even to Lady Sarah herself. You
+shall see it all over, and may report to her ladyship what my cousin
+Warner's bounty has done for me; and she may then judge whether I stand
+in need of the assistance she now pretends to offer me. The woman looked
+abashed, and though she seemed inclined to ask questions, was ashamed to
+do so. This was that very servant who had so unceremoniously led me up
+the back stairs when I went to visit her lady; but I appeared in a quite
+different light to her now; I rang the bell, and ordered a footman to
+_shew her the house_. She curtsied in silence, and withdrew.
+
+What a poor creature is Lady Sarah! Mr Warner called upon me before her
+woman went away. I told him the whole passage. Oh! how he chuckled, and
+rejoiced, shrugging his shoulders, and rubbing his hands! He wanted to
+see the servant, but I was afraid he would be too strong in his insults,
+and turned him from the point.
+
+He told me, he invited himself to dine with me; and accordingly he
+favoured me with his company, and staid during the greatest part of the
+evening. He is a man of a strong natural sense, though he is careless of
+improving it. He has passed his life in business, and in acquiring
+riches. He does not let me into the particulars of these, though he is
+in other respects very communicative and entertaining. There is a
+whimsical vein runs through his conversation. He now, for the first
+time, desired me to give him the particulars of my life from my
+childhood, which he had but a partial account of, at different times,
+from myself. I took up the story at the earliest period of my life,
+wherein any thing interesting had occurred, and traced every
+circumstance minutely to the hour he first saw me.
+
+I could easily see that he had a tender sympathizing heart, for he was
+moved to tears more than once during my relation; nor was he ashamed of
+them, for he suffered them to run down his cheek, whilst he listened
+with mute attention to my story. He praised Mr Faulkland highly, said he
+was a man after his own heart, and deserved the best woman in the world.
+I wish you had married him, said he, such a princely fellow deserves a
+princely fortune. He owned my brother had some reason to be nettled at
+my refusal of such a man. Our sex, said he, have not such _chimæra_
+notions as you women have; but still that does not excuse his
+sordidness.
+
+I took this opportunity of telling Mr Warner that my brother did not
+really know the very great distress I was in, and that I had reason to
+believe, from the general tenor of Lady Sarah's character, that she had
+either concealed it from him, or made misrepresentations of my case;
+doubtless she had not informed him to what streights I was reduced
+immediately upon my mother's death; and who knows but Sir George, having
+left me for a while to feel the effects of that resentment, with which
+he had threatened me in his last letter, still meant to shew himself a
+brother; for if he were ignorant, as I am willing to believe, of that
+particular which I have mentioned, he could not suppose that I was
+driven to absolute want; and from Lady Sarah's insinuations, perhaps he
+thought that my mother left a sum of money behind her. He knew not of
+the illness that my children and I were visited with; and indeed it
+appears to me, from what he hinted to yourself, that he was quite
+unacquainted with my situation.
+
+To say the truth, Cecilia, as you know I am of a placable disposition, I
+should be glad to be on good terms with my brother, the only relation
+(my kinsman excepted) that I have in the world. I was willing therefore,
+if possible, a little to reconcile Mr Warner to him; as I durst not,
+without his permission, seek a reconciliation with Sir George.
+
+There _may_ be something in what you say, coz, answered my friend;
+perhaps he had a mind to let you bite on the bridle for a while, and I
+am willing to suppose with you, that hereafter, may be, he would have
+given you some dirty trifle; for a generous thing I am sure he is not
+capable of, from his sordidness to me. I found this stuck most with the
+good man. Oh, Sir, said I, but consider Lady Sarah's influence stepped
+in _there_ too. My brother, you acknowlege, _was_ going to give you
+something, 'till she interposed.--Half a crown, I suppose, said he: To
+say the truth, I believe she is the worst of the two. She has a great
+deal of pride. Sir, answered I; she has communicated some of it to my
+brother; probably he was mortified and disconcerted at the sight of so
+near a relation, in his wife's presence, whose exteriour appearance
+could do him no credit; perhaps, had you applied privately to him, he
+would have behaved better. You have not much worldly wisdom, replied my
+cousin, to excuse him thus; however, I think the better of you for it,
+whatever I may do of him. But speak honestly now, don't you want to be
+friends with Sir George, that he and his wife may have an opportunity of
+seeing you in all your finery? As I knew Mr Warner's temper, I was
+resolved to humour him in it, and thought I could not give my desire of
+seeing my brother a better turn than this, to one of my kinsman's
+disposition. To deal with you openly, Sir, said I, I think our triumph
+over Lady Sarah will not be complete, unless she herself is a witness of
+that high fortune, of which she might have been a partaker, had it not
+been for her own meanness of spirit. And to be sincere with you, my
+Cecilia, I did think Lady Sarah deserved this mortification, though it
+did not so far influence me as to make me desirous of being on terms
+with her: as for my brother, I was governed by no other motive than
+affection towards him.
+
+Well, said Mr Warner, suppose you were to invite them both to dine with
+you, and to have me at table, handsomely dressed out (for I can dress
+fine when I please) and let them see that the man, who was not thought
+worthy to sit down in their presence, they had better have used with
+more ceremony. Oh, Sir, said I, that would be too severe an insult;
+besides, I doubt whether my brother would come; you know he is angry
+with me, and thinks he has reason. If you will permit me first to call
+on my brother, when we are reconciled, I can afterwards ask both him and
+his lady to my house; and though I am sure you have too much good nature
+and politeness to shock them all at once, by violating the laws of
+hospitality in this house, which your bounty has made mine, yet will you
+have sufficient room for retaliation, by treating them, in your turn,
+with neglect.
+
+Thou art a milkly thing, answered Mr Warner; but as I am willing to
+please you, you may do as you like; but by--, and he swore a tremendous
+oath, they shall never have a cross from me.
+
+
+                             _February 27_
+
+Having obtained Mr Warner's consent, I went this day to my brother. He
+was not at home; but I was introduced to Lady Sarah, for whom I
+enquired. Poor woman! how she looked! My resentment was disarmed; and I
+felt nothing but pity. Her confusion was so great, she knew not how to
+receive me; she curtsied, without knowing what to say, or how to behave.
+I would not embarrass her too far, but taking a chair by her, As you
+favoured me with a message yesterday, Lady Sarah, said I, in as obliging
+a tone as I could speak, I thought it a sisterly duty to wait on you and
+Sir George: I hope my brother is well, I long to see him, and flatter
+myself he will forget all former coldness, and again be my brother.
+
+I spoke this long sentence on purpose to give her time to recover
+herself. She rubbed her hand over her forehead, I believe to hide the
+glow that was in her face from my first entrance: 'Lord, Mrs Arnold--I
+am so surprized--this visit was so unexpected--I thought you were in the
+country'--(her woman you know had been with me the day before, I passed
+this by however) I have not been out of town at all, Madam, I was
+detained by illness--'I am mighty sorry for it--I hope you are quite
+recovered--pray, why did not you let me know you were ill?' As I had
+heard nothing from you, Madam, after my first message, I was afraid that
+the mediation, you were so kind as to promise me, had failed, and that
+my brother's resentment was so great, he would not hear of me.
+
+'Oh dear, that is true indeed--it was a sad affair--I mentioned you to
+your brother when he came to town; but he was in _such_ a passion, I
+durst not name you to him again.' (She durst not name me, observe that,
+my dear; poor George, whom she governs with despotic sway). Then
+probably, Madam, my brother knew not _all_ my distress? I protest I
+don't know--said she--you know your brother is very warm, and whenever I
+attempted to speak of you, he always stopped me short--so--I don't know
+how it was; but I never could get to tell him your situation--I should
+think I had great reason to resent my brother's cruelty, Madam, said I,
+if he had known those particulars of which my maid informed _you_, but
+since he did not, I will not reproach him; neither will I accuse your
+ladyship of unkindness in concealing them from him. My sufferings are,
+thank God! at an end, and I am now come to offer you, and Sir George,
+my sisterly love; I hope he will not refuse me his love in return, I
+have nothing else now to ask for. She blushed again, and seemed in great
+confusion; 'You are very good, Mrs Arnold, we must forget and
+forgive.'--Shall I not be permitted to see my brother, Madam? By the
+message I received from you, I was in hopes you had prevailed on
+him--The _poor_ woman was now struck dumb. She felt for her snuff-box,
+and _would_ not find it in her pocket; but got up to look for it to gain
+a little time; rumaged her toilet, and at last, took it out of her
+pocket; offered me a pinch of snuff, then sat down again. Why, that
+message, to tell you the truth, said she (forcing a conscious silly
+smile) your brother knew nothing of; but not having heard from you in so
+long a time, I was resolved to enquire after you; and was determined
+myself, out of my own pin-money, to allow you what I could spare, till I
+could get Sir George in better temper; but I made use of his name
+because I thought you would more readily accept of any thing from him
+than from me. Your brother thought you were actually in the country,
+till we were surprized with the account of the _wonderful_ fortune that
+has come to you lately. 'Then you _had_ heard of it, Madam, interrupted
+I, before you sent to me?' an untoward question, my dear; it plunged her
+again in the mud, and she flounced and floundered to get out, which only
+sunk her the deeper. We had heard a strange flying report, said she, of
+which I did not believe a word, and therefore sent Holmes (that is her
+woman's name) to you to offer you my service.
+
+I was not ill-natured enough, my Cecilia, to persist in embarrassing
+this mean woman any farther, though the insincerity of her whole
+behaviour, and the low falsities she had recourse to, very well deserved
+reproof. I was glad to find my brother was not so culpable as he had at
+first appeared; for I could easily discover from the whole tenor of her
+discourse, she was so far from giving him any intimation of my distress,
+that she had prevented him from enquiring after me, by telling him that
+I was gone out of town; probably too with some aggravating
+circumstances, either of a pretended neglect on my side towards them
+both, or, perhaps, some other falshood still more injurious. It was very
+apparent that she had sent her maid only as a spy, and, by way of
+passport, with a sham offer of kindness, of which she knew I stood not
+in need: and she depended on my pride and resentment so justly provoked,
+for my never coming to any explanation either with her or my brother. No
+wonder then she was so confounded at the sight of me, and the more so as
+she apprehended I might reproach my brother, who could so well excuse
+himself by pleading ignorance of my situation: and her conduct must then
+appear so despicable to her husband, that hardy as she is, she would be
+at a loss to justify it.
+
+All this being very obvious to me, I determined to make her easy at
+once. I shall think no more of what is past, Lady Sarah, said I, I only
+wish to be on terms of friendship with my brother and you; and since he
+knows not of the message you sent to me, I will not mention it to him,
+nor any thing else that can recall past unkindness. I hope this visit
+will be taken as it is meant, out of pure affection, and that you,
+Madam, will be so kind as to make my peace with my brother; whom I am
+very sorry I was under a necessity of disobliging; but as I never did
+offend him, and I am sure never should but in that one instance, wherein
+_I_ was so much more nearly interested than himself, I hope he will
+think no more of it; but restore me to a share of his love, which is all
+that is now wanting to my happiness.
+
+This declaration (as I intended it should) entirely restored Lady
+Sarah's tranquillity. Her countenance brightened up; I'll take upon me
+to answer for Sir George, said she, that he _shall_ restore you to his
+affection; I shall insist upon a general act of oblivion being passed on
+his side, and I beg, sister, on your part, that you may not, by
+reproaching your brother, revive the memory of your past coldness.
+
+The weakest people are often very cunning; this caution of Lady Sarah's,
+artfully enough introduced, conveyed an obvious meaning to me, very
+different from her pretended reason; she was afraid of an
+eclaircissement. I promised her I should meet my brother, whenever he
+would permit me, as if nothing had ever happened to disturb our
+friendship.
+
+See, my dear, how this woman, do _durst_ not name me when I was poor,
+took upon her now to _make_ her husband, whose anger had so much
+intimidated her, subscribe intirely to her opinion: but I was now become
+an object of attention; a finer house, and a finer equipage than her
+ladyship's, gave me an indisputable title to that regard, to which, as a
+_sister_, and in distress, I had not the least claim.
+
+She now ventured to ask me some particulars relating to the very
+extraordinary change in my fortune. I satisfied her minutely, not
+without mentioning the cause of Mr Warner's having made me the _sole_
+object of his bounty. Poor Lady Sarah could not conceal her vexation at
+the thoughts of what she had lost by her ill-timed pride and parcimony.
+A strange whimsical old mortal, she called him, to come upon them so
+abruptly, and in such a scandalous garb, that Sir George was quite
+ashamed of him. I am glad, however, Mrs Arnold, that he has made _you_
+the better for him; I hope he will continue his fondness; but such odd
+humourists are not to be depended on. Don't tell him, however, what I
+say; I should be glad to shew him any civility in my power, for his
+kindness to you.
+
+I took my leave of her ladyship, with a cordial invitation to come and
+see me; which she said she would not fail to do.
+
+Mr Warner called on me for a few minutes in the evening to know the
+result of my visit, as I had told him I intended to make it. I related
+every thing that had passed between Lady Sarah and me; he enjoyed her
+confusion as I described it; with a triumphant satisfaction, which
+nothing but a very strong resentment could have excited in so
+good-natured a man, as he really seems to be.
+
+He has added to my store of china to-day (of which I have already an
+abundance) a pair of most magnificent jars, above four feet high, which
+he values at a hundred and fifty pounds; these, with an entire service
+of the finest Nankeen china, and a most beautiful Persian carpet, I have
+set apart as a present for Lady V----, and shall send them to her the
+first opportunity.
+
+I have also got him to bespeak a set of jewels to the amount of fifteen
+hundred pounds, with which I intend to present Mrs Faulkland. This sum
+will not exceed my debt to Mr Faulkland, if his agreement with Pivet
+stands in force for the term prescribed.
+
+Mr Warner, who mightily loves to be employed, has undertaken to get
+these jewels made up for me in the most elegant taste.
+
+This man's generosity is as inexhaustible as his riches; I fancy he is
+still some way concerned in trade, though he does not tell me so. These
+jars he said he had just received by the arrival of an East-India ship,
+and I understand that his former dealings were extremely extensive: all
+over the world, he said, where there was commerce, he put in for his
+share.
+
+
+                             _February 29_
+
+Lady Sarah has returned my visit; she was not slow you see in her
+ceremony. _So_ obliging, _so_ polite; every thing praised, and admired;
+and _sister_ at every second word, and the children caressed, _Arnold's_
+children. What a fine thing it is, my dear, to be independent! I shewed
+her all my house; but not with ostentation. I thought it would have
+looked affected not to have recommended so much wealth and elegance to
+her notice. My sideboard she says is absolutely the handsomest she ever
+saw; indeed both for workmanship and richness it does surpass any I have
+seen.
+
+She told me she had talked to my brother and that though he still
+resented my obstinacy, as _he_ called it, yet as I had made such
+advances towards a reconciliation, he was very ready to meet me, and
+desired every thing might be forgotten on my side, as it should be on
+his. He would have come to see you, added Lady Sarah, but as he does not
+chuse to meet Mr Warner, he would rather that the first interview
+between you were at his own house. I told her ladyship I would breakfast
+with her the next morning, and we parted upon wonderful courteous
+terms.--
+
+
+                             _February 30_
+
+Just returned from my brother's. Sir George received me with open arms,
+and I returned the embrace with the utmost cordiality of affection.
+Surely, my dear, there is something wonderfully powerful in the natural
+affections; Sir George, spite of his resentment, his turbulence, and the
+threats denounced against me, could not at sight of me, after an absence
+of so many months, resist the first impulse of his heart, in giving me
+strong tokens of brotherly love; though probably had he not seen me, the
+latent tenderness might have lain for ever dormant in his heart.
+
+I entered immediately on the topic of my extraordinary acquisition, as I
+was determined not to lead to a subject which might bring on
+explanations so much dreaded by Lady Sarah; and I could observe that my
+brother avoided any thing tending that way as much as I did.
+
+He congratulated me heartily on my good fortune, but said, between jest
+and earnest, that if he could have divined his cousin Warner had come to
+him to make experiments, he should have taken care to have treated him
+better. But I don't know how it was, said he, he came in an evil hour;
+and I was in an ill humour.
+
+Lady Sarah kept up the conversation with a great deal of vivacity;
+always taking care to keep us clear of the rock she was afraid of, till
+a lady, with whom she was engaged to go to an auction, called to take
+her up. Sir George would fain have detained me, but she insisted on my
+going with her, to have _my_ judgment she said on the things she
+intended to buy. It appeared to me that she did not chuse to leave my
+brother and me together, for fear mutual confidence (in the fullness of
+our hearts) might have brought her disingenuous proceedings to light;
+but cunning people often over-act their parts; she was so extremely
+pressing, that my brother could not but take notice of it. I acquiesced
+to avoid giving her uneasiness; having first engaged my brother to dine
+with me on Friday. Lady Sarah and he both consented, but premised that
+Mr Warner was not to be of the party; this I ventured to promise, as I
+was resolved if Mr Warner invited himself, which is his usual way, to
+put him off by fairly telling him the truth, and trusting to his
+good-nature for the consequence.
+
+
+                               _March 2_
+
+After the trivial incidents of these last two days, my Cecilia, now
+hasten to more interesting particulars. But first a word or two of my
+cousin Warner. I had not seen him since the day that my brother and I
+met, till this morning; when he called to ask me how I did, and to know
+how the puppy George, as he calls him, had behaved to me. After having
+satisfied himself in this enquiry, in a way the most favourable I could
+for my brother, I told him that as I had really found both him, and his
+lady extremely penitent and mortified, I had asked them to dine with me
+that day. I am glad of it, said he (very quick) I'll be here to snoutch
+them. Dear Sir, said I, for heaven's sake have a little compassion; you
+cannot conceive how humbled they are; they dare not look you in the
+face, and it was one of their conditions with me, before they would
+consent to come, that they should not see you. Ho, ho, said he,
+exultingly, have they changed their Note? Well, I will not distress you
+so far in your own house, as to mortify them with my company at dinner,
+but if I should take it in my head to drop in, in the afternoon, you
+must not take it amiss. I only want to see them look a little like
+fools.
+
+I could not venture to oppose him in this, but resolved to make it as
+easy as possible by preparing my brother and sister for his visit.
+
+I told him that would do extremely well, and he went away rejoicing at
+the thoughts of his intended triumph.
+
+Mr Warner had but just left me when I was surprized with a message that
+Sir George was below. I went down to him directly, and seeing him in his
+morning-dress, imagined that something had happened which prevented
+their dining with me, and that he called to excuse himself; but he
+undeceived me presently. As I had not an opportunity, said he, of asking
+you any questions the other day, and shall be prevented probably in the
+same manner this day, I am come to have an hour's chat with you before
+dinner. And first pray inform me, Sidney, where you have lived ever
+since my mother's death, and how it comes to pass that in all this time
+you never took any notice of either Lady Sarah or me? As to your first
+question, brother, it is easily answered, I have never been out of
+London: for the rest, lest us avoid all retrospection, which can now
+answer no end to either of us.
+
+You surprize me, said he, I understood you had been in the country; Lady
+Sarah told me that you were gone to Lady V----.
+
+She was misinformed, I replied--
+
+What was the meaning, then, said he, that you never called, or sent to
+her? _She_ had no resentment to you, though _I_ had.
+
+Dear Sir George, ask me no more questions. I thought it had been
+premised that we were not to talk of the past.
+
+I see, Sidney, answered he, there is something you have no mind to
+explain; you know I love and respect my wife, and that I cannot easily
+be brought to take any thing ill of her; but she was so extremely
+earnest with me not to ask you any questions, that it made me suspect
+there was something she had a mind to conceal from me. What confirms me
+in this opinion is, that as I know you are ingenuous and open to
+conviction you would have made me some apology for a neglect both of me
+and Lady Sarah, which, you could not but suppose, offended me, if you
+had not looked upon yourself as by much the most injured Person.
+
+You urge me very home, brother; I thought I was injured when you
+disclaimed all relationship to me, if I did not comply in a certain
+particular, which I was not at liberty to do.
+
+I _was_ very angry with you, said he, but should not have carried my
+resentment any lengths after my mother's death, if you had made any
+concession, or desired to throw yourself under my protection, instead of
+a stranger's, for Lady V---- comparatively is one. I could not suppose
+you were in immediate want of my assistance, as I understand my mother's
+private purse was not inconsiderable, and to tell you the truth, I was
+resolved till you did condescend to inform me of your situation, not to
+give myself any pain about you.
+
+I can only tell you in two words, Sir George, that you have been
+extremely misled in regard to me; I wish not to revive so disagreeable a
+subject, pray say no more of it.
+
+But one word more, said he, just for my own satisfaction, and then I
+have done: was Lady Sarah made acquainted with your circumstances? You
+must have lived in miserable obscurity to be so long in London without
+my knowlege.
+
+You love and respect your wife, brother; you must not take any thing ill
+of her.
+
+I am answered he replied: He walked about the room, and I could see he
+was ashamed and affected.
+
+You will make me very unhappy, Sir George, said I, if you resent any
+thing on my account to your lady; she did not think perhaps that things
+were quite so bad with me as they really were; but if she heard (which
+by the way I knew was an invention of her own) that my mother left any
+thing behind her, she was deceived, there really was nothing. But let us
+call another subject.--When did you hear from Mr Faulkland? It is some
+time since I have had a letter from his lady.
+
+His lady he repeated, and stamping with his foot, cursed be hour which
+gave her that title!
+
+Dear Sir George, you shock me! how can you be so uncharitable, so
+unchristian?
+
+If you know her as well as _I_ do, said he--and shook his head.
+
+You are so strong in your indignation against her, I replied, that you
+almost make me suspect that you _do_ know more of her than I do; her
+weakness in regard to Mr Faulkland excepted; I could never entertain an
+ill thought of her; but you have raised a curiosity, which, though I
+tremble to have it gratified, yet I must beg you to speak out.
+
+Do not think me malicious, Sidney, said he, a woman's reputation is too
+sacred a thing to be trifled with; if her weakness, as you call it, had
+been confined to Mr Faulkland, _hers_ should be so with me: but I cannot
+think with temper on the sacrifice that noble fellow has been forced to
+make to caprice.
+
+Dear brother, explain yourself, you terrify me.
+
+My heat on this occasion, he answered, would be unjustifiable, if I had
+not _proof_ for what I say; Miss Burchell, for I will not call her by my
+friend's name, is that monster, a female libertine, a rake in the worst
+sense of the word.
+
+Monstrous! cried I, your prejudice makes you believe every cruel tale
+you may have heard.--
+
+_Heard_, he interrupted with an indignant smile, the d--l's in it if I
+have not more than hear-say for my knowledge.
+
+Lord! brother, you make me shudder, what do you mean?
+
+He replied, you will not believe me perhaps when I tell you that _I_ am
+as much obliged to Miss Burchell's favour, as Mr Faulkland was.
+
+If Sir George had plunged a dagger in my heart, I could not have felt a
+sharper pang. He saw me struck with amazement and grief.
+
+I knew it would shock you, said he, but you extorted the secret from me;
+for a secret it has, and ever should have remained, but in my own
+justification you compelled me to disclose it.
+
+You know, said he, that from the first I never considered Faulkland's
+engagement to her, as a serious one, nor in any shape binding: this
+judgment I formed without knowing any thing of the woman, but from
+Faulkland's own representation of the fact; tho' to say the truth, he
+always spoke of her with more tenderness than she deserved, and imputing
+her frailty to her love of him, was, as most men are apt to do on such
+occasions, disposed to judge favourably of her. The first time I saw her
+was at Sidney-castle; that time when my mother invited her, and when,
+you may remember, I went down there in compliment to my mother. I own I
+thought her extremely agreeable, which was alone sufficient, to make me
+a little more than barely polite; but my mother's extraordinary
+attachment to her, engaged me to go still farther, and to oblige her, I
+was more than ordinarily attentive to please Miss Burchell. When I
+assure you upon my honour that I had no farther views, I believe you
+will not doubt my veracity; but whether Miss Burchell mistook my
+civilities for fondness, or whether, as I rather believe, her natural
+disposition was so loose that every man she saw lighted up a flame in
+her heart, I know not; but certain it was, she made me such advances
+that I must have been extremely stupid not to have understood her, and
+absolutely frozen to have repelled her.
+
+My good mother's unsuspecting temper permitted us too many
+opportunities, and the light ones of your sex do not easily forgive the
+neglect of those.
+
+In short Miss Burchell yielded to the impetuosity of her wishes, and I
+followed her lead, more through vacancy, and a want of better
+employment, than out of inclination. I was very glad when she was
+recalled home, for I was heartily wearied of her. The day before she
+left Sidney castle, when we were alone, she said to me, I have too great
+a reliance on your honour, to suppose you capable of injuring my
+reputation by ever divulging what has passed between us; I am easy
+therefore on that head. But there is one circumstance on which you must
+give me the most solemn promise that is in your power to make, without
+which I shall be the most unhappy creature in the world. I know there is
+a friendship between you and Mr Faulkland, and I am not ignorant that
+you men in your unreserved moments of confidence, do not scruple to
+disclose such secrets as I have trusted you with; I do not fear your
+imprudence with regard to any one else; but it is of the utmost
+importance to me that _He_ in particular should never know what my
+tenderness for you has led me into. You know I have a son by him; he has
+hitherto provided liberally for the child's maintenance; and to let you
+into a secret, which nobody besides must know, I myself am indebted to
+him for the principal part of my support; though he, as well as the rest
+of the world, believe that I have a fortune. Now though I do not
+entertain the least hope, nor indeed wish, ever to be Mr Faulkland's
+wife, yet would it be of terrible consequence to me to forfeit his
+regard, which you may naturally suppose would be the case if he were to
+come to the knowlege of what has happened. He has given me to understand
+by his house-keeper that when he comes to England he will provide for
+me; the woman hinted something like a design of his making a handsome
+establishment for any worthy man of whom I should make choice;
+insinuating at the same time that this depended on my conduct. I have no
+thoughts of marrying, but as mine and my child's future welfare must be
+chiefly owing to Mr Faulkland, you see the necessity there is for my
+preserving his good opinion. For this reason then, my dear Sir George,
+you must swear to me that you will never betray me to him.
+
+The reasons were so plausible, and the request so natural, that I made
+no scruple of giving her a solemn oath to preserve the secret inviolable
+from Mr Faulkland's knowledge; for so she herself worded the promise she
+urged me to make: in regard to any one else, she said she was satisfied
+all assurances were needless.
+
+You see, continued my brother that by this declaration she laid me under
+a double tye of secrecy. As I had no conception that Faulkland could
+ever be brought to think of marrying her, I thought myself bound not to
+injure her in his opinion: and therefore religiously kept my promise.
+Faulkland was not then in England, but when returned, and came to visit
+me at Sidney-castle, just at the time you parted from your husband, he
+spoke of Miss Burchell in a manner, which though it convinced me he had
+a regard for her, and wished to see her happy, yet was it far from
+alarming me on his account; I therefore should have thought it the
+highest baseness and cruelty to have hurt her in his esteem.
+
+I never have had the least intercourse, either by letter, or otherwise,
+with Miss Burchell, since we parted. I make no doubt but she has
+dispensed her favours wherever her inclination has led her, and you see
+she has had the good fortune to keep all her amours secret. But what
+hope can there be that such a profligate will keep her faith to _one_
+man, though that man is the most amiable in the world.
+
+Oh brother, what a scene of iniquity have you disclosed! I would to
+Heaven you had kept the horrid secret to yourself, or divulged it time
+enough to have prevented the misery into which I, unhappy that I am!
+have precipitated your friend. But I ought not to blame you, you acted
+agreeably to the dictates of honour. Detestable woman! I cried in the
+bitterness of my heart. I do not wonder at her cautioning me against
+letting you into my design of urging Mr Faulkland to marry her; I then
+little knew the reason you had for the opposition she said you would
+give to this fatal match: every thing fell out to her wish, and
+coincided to promote her successful guilt.--Your absence from London,
+mine, and my mother's urgency, and the too generous yielding of our dear
+unhappy Faulkland. I burst into tears--my heart was torn with anguish,
+and in that instant my tenderness for him revived. Sir George strove not
+to comfort me. He was too much affected himself.
+
+I have but one hope, said I, and that is in the extraordinary love she
+has for Mr Faulkland, and his uncommon merit, which may probably ensure
+to him the continuance of it.
+
+You know not what you say, answered my brother; the merit of an angel
+could not secure the fidelity of such a heart as her's. Her love is
+gross; a new object will always have charms for her. Had I been as
+credulous as Faulkland, I should have thought myself the idol of her
+soul, so lavish was she in her expressions of tenderness.
+
+Is it not strange though, I asked, that with so loose a mind, she should
+have so long preserved an attachment to Mr Faulkland? for most certainly
+her affection to _him_ has at least been sincere.
+
+Her affection to his estate, answered my brother, has, I believe, all
+along been sincere: Do you not know she is a beggar?
+
+I told him, in this she had imposed on him, to answer her own ends, in
+engaging him the more firmly to keep her secret; for to my knowledge,
+she has seven thousand pounds, as I was informed by Lady V----, who knew
+her circumstances.
+
+Sir George vented two or three curses on her head. I am not surprized at
+any instance of her falshood, said he; she is made up of deceit. Such
+characters as her's are not uncommon; but none of them ever fell in your
+way before, and I hope never will again. If you will look back on her
+whole conduct, however it may surprize you, you will find there is
+nothing inconsistent in it. She is only a sly rake in petticoats, of
+which there are numbers, that you good women would stare at, if you knew
+their behaviour. She considers men just as the libertines of our sex do
+women. She likes for the present; she seduces; her inclinations cool
+towards an old lover, and are warmed again by a new face. She retained
+not Faulkland long enough to grow tired of him, and therefore possibly
+still preserved some tenderness for him; indeed his uncommon attractions
+must have made an impression even on _her_ heart; but this did not
+hinder her from indulging her inclinations elsewhere. You must throw
+into the account too that she had by accident got a sort of hold on him,
+of which, by my mother's indulgence, and some other concurring
+circumstances, she hoped one day or other to avail herself. With so
+pretty a person as she has, and the fortune you tell me she is mistress
+of, do you think she could have failed of marrying creditably, if that
+had been her view? No, no she meant not to confine herself. Her passion
+for Faulkland, whether real or pretended, gave a colour to her
+preserving that liberty, in the licentious use of which she placed her
+happiness: nor would she in the end have confined herself within the
+bounds of marriage, if an immense fortune had not sweetened the
+restraint.
+
+I pray heaven it may, answered I; 'tis all we have now to trust to. You
+have given me an idea of a character, which I thought was not in the
+female world.
+
+I own, replied Sir George, I live in perpetual fears of her relapsing
+into vice. A woman without principle, Sidney, is not to be relied on.
+Love (if in such a breast it can merit that name) even towards the most
+deserving object, is never permanent. Fear, and even shame, are subdued
+by repeated crimes; what hold then remains? Interest alone (where that
+happens to interfere;) but if detection can be avoided, even that can
+have do farther influence.
+
+Sir George took his leave of me, in order to go home to dress; but I was
+not to say a word of his morning visit, so that I found I needed not to
+be under any apprehensions of reproaching Lady Sarah with her behaviour
+towards me; for he meant not to let her know he was informed of it. So
+much the better; I should be extremely sorry to be the occasion of any
+difference between them.
+
+They came at the appointed hour; I entertained them magnificently; and
+we were all harmony and good humour. When dinner was over, I told them,
+they must not be surprized, if we should have a visit from our West
+Indian relation, in the evening, for that it was very probable he would
+call, and if I should be denied, he would never forgive me, as he
+possibly might find it out. Lady Sarah looked frightened, and said she
+would not stay; but Sir George declared he would arm himself with a few
+bumpers, and stand his ground.
+
+I affected to treat the interview with pleasantry and reconciled them
+both to it; for I was really apprehensive that Mr Warner would take it
+very ill, and think I betrayed him, if I let them escape. I supposed
+too, that after he had indulged himself in a short triumph, all would be
+over, and they might afterwards meet on better terms.
+
+In less than half an hour, we heard a loud rap; Lady Sarah turned pale;
+Sir George laughed at her, but was himself a little disconcerted. The
+parlour door flew open--a footman entered--Mr Warner--and in stalked my
+kinsman, with a very stately tread. He was dressed out, I assure you. A
+large well powdered wig, tied with a rose; a suit of the finest
+cinamon-coloured cloth, and over it a surtout of the richest mohair and
+silk, with gold frogs; and a fine clouded cane, with a gold head; silk
+stockings of the same colour with his coat; a fine lace-cravat, his hat
+under his arm. He really looked very gentleman-like, and venerable; for
+he appears older than he is.
+
+He glanced his eyes with a supercilious scorn, over my brother and
+sister, who stood up at his entrance, and making up directly to me,
+saluted me, and took his place by me. A short silence ensued, which was
+broken by my asking Mr Warner to drink a glass of wine. I could almost
+have smiled at the embarrassment of my brother and Lady Sarah; the old
+gentleman enjoyed it, and looked at them both, but as if he knew
+neither. My brother had recourse to the bottle, he drank my health, and
+civilly enough bowed to Mr Warner, just pronouncing the word Sir!--the
+other scarce returned it by a slight inclination of his head.
+
+At last, addressing himself to me, cousin, if you have no aversion to
+tobacco, I should be glad if you would indulge me with a pipe; 'tis my
+custom after dinner, but I have not smoaked yet.
+
+As I had never observed him to do this, when he had dined with me
+before, I took it for granted the compliment was meant for Lady Sarah.
+
+I said _I_ had no objection, and referred myself by a bow to Lady Sarah.
+
+She made no reply, and my kinsman, without seeming to mind any one
+else, rang the bell, saying, if _you_ don't dislike it, there is no more
+to be said. The black, whom he had given me, presenting himself at the
+door, Mr Warner desired him to step to his lodgings for his pipe and
+some tobacco. The man quickly returned with a long japaned reed, with a
+boll fixed at the end of it. Mr Warner called for a lighted taper, and
+throwing himself back in his chair with one leg crossed over the other,
+lighted his pipe with much composure, puffing large clouds of
+smoak-a-cross Lady Sarah's nose, who sat at his right-hand. My sister,
+who had really an unaffected aversion to tobacco, could not bear this;
+she coughed excessively, and, with tears in her eyes, rose off her
+chair, and retired to the other end of the room. My old gentleman
+laughed till he weezed, nodding his head after her, and looking at me,
+as much as to say, I am glad I have sent her off.
+
+Sir George, though determined not to be put out of humour, thought this
+was going too far; I was really uneasy myself, and hardly knew how to
+act; for if I shewed any mark of distinction to Lady Sarah, I knew it
+would be construed by Mr Warner as an affront to him. I ventured,
+however, to tell her that if she would step into the drawing-room, I
+should order coffee, and wait on her immediately.
+
+Ay, said my brother, approaching his lady, and taking her by the hand,
+let us get out of this horrid atmosphere that this honest gentleman has
+raised about us. The honest gentleman vouchsafed not to look at him, and
+my brother and sister withdrew into the adjoining room.
+
+As soon as they were gone, Mr Warner threw down his pipe, and striking
+the table with his clenched fist, burst into a loud laugh. Lord, Lord!
+said he, pride _will_ have a fall. I think I have brought them down a
+little; how like asses they both looked! Well, now I am satisfied--I
+have had my revenge, you may go and drink your coffee with them, I'll
+bid you good-by.
+
+He immediately withdrew, and I joined my brother and sister, who were
+heartily rejoiced that they had got rid of him.
+
+Sir George said, he saw his design, but was resolved not to give an
+opportunity for insults, and so held his tongue. As he is your friend,
+Sidney, said he, I would not distress you by engaging you as a party on
+either side, which must have been the case; for that old fellow would
+not have suffered you to remain neutral.
+
+I told him our kinsman was whimsical, but that as he was now thoroughly
+satisfied at having paid them in kind, I was sure he would never again
+seek to give them any offence, and they ought to forgive him by the law
+of retaliation.
+
+They laughed at the singularity of his manner, and the whole passed off
+in mirth: though Lady Sarah declared he had made her quite sick with his
+nauseous tobacco.
+
+
+                               _March 3_
+
+The ridiculous scene, my Cecilia, for a while called off my thoughts
+from the melancholy subject which is now nearest my heart, I mean the
+shocking account which Sir George gave me of Mrs--, can I bear to call
+her--Faulkland! but it now recurs to me with all its horrors. Oh, my
+dear, what a fatal wretch have I been to Mr Faulkland! my best purposes,
+by some unseen power, are perverted from their ends. I wonder the food
+which I take to nourish me is not converted into poison when I touch it.
+But I will calm my troubled mind with this reflexion, that I _meant_ not
+to do evil. Mr Faulkland, ignorant of his own misfortune, may (as
+hundreds of others in the same situation are) still be happy, if that
+light creature has but a single grain of honour or gratitude. I will not
+think of it--anticipating as you used to call me, I will banish the
+hateful idea from my mind.
+
+
+                               _March 12_
+
+What do you think, my Cecilia? Mrs Gerrarde has eloped from her husband,
+and is now at Paris in quality of mistress to a young nobleman who
+maintains her in vast splendour. I had this news in a letter from Mrs
+Faulkland to-day.
+
+Poor Pivet wrote his master an account of it. You know the agreement to
+pay this young man an annual sum was conditional. Upon Mr Arnold's
+death, Pivet tired of the termagant spirit, and intolerable coquetry of
+his wife, was very glad to relax his discipline; and declared, were he
+to have had a thousand a year, he would not undertake to keep her within
+bounds; and that nothing but his great respect for Mr Faulkland could
+have engaged him in the task so long. He acknowleges that he is very
+glad to be rid of her, and as Mr Faulkland enabled him to set up very
+handsomely in his business, I really think he is happy in his loss.
+
+
+                               _March 14_
+
+I have been deeply affected, my Cecilia, within these two days. If it
+had not been in my power to relieve the distress I have been a witness
+to, how unhappy would it have made me!
+
+I was stepping out of my chariot yesterday morning, when a young woman
+who stood at my door, in an old linnen gown, presented to me a little
+band-box, open and filled with artificial flowers; she spoke not, but
+the silent anguish in her looks drew my attention. She seemed about
+eighteen, and very pretty. As an appearance of industry I think doubles
+the claim which the poor have to our compassion, I took out of her box a
+small sprig of jessamin, very naturally imitated, and asked the young
+woman if she made those flowers herself.
+
+She modestly replied, she did. And cannot you, child, said I, find any
+one who would give you constant employment in this way to prevent your
+wandering about in the streets to dispose of your work?
+
+She answered, Yes, Madam, but I have a poor decrepid father in jail, who
+cannot be without my assistance. I live with him, and only come out once
+a week to sell my flowers. I might go to service, but he would die if I
+were to leave him. Her gentle speech, her youth, and the unaffected
+tender sorrow that appeared in her face, when she spoke of her father,
+touched me to the heart.
+
+I bade her come in, and taking her into the parlour, was desirous to ask
+her some questions.
+
+You look, said I, as if you had not been bred in poverty; pray what is
+your father?
+
+She blushed, and with down-cast eyes replied, A clergyman, Madam.
+
+A clergyman, I repeated, what misfortunes (for such I must suppose they
+were) drove him to the distressed situation you mention?
+
+It _was_ a misfortune, Madam, and not any crime, answered the girl, with
+tears in her eyes; my father is as good a man as ever was born.
+
+I asked his name, and she told me it was Price.
+
+My curiosity was excited by her manner. I desired her to sit down, and
+relate to me the particulars of her story.
+
+She obeyed with a sensible politeness that pleased me.
+
+About twelve years ago, said she, my father had a little cure in
+Berkshire; he was reckoned a fine preacher and a very great scholar, and
+what was more than either, one of the best of men. In the parish to
+which my father belonged, lived a gentleman of a very great estate, his
+name was Ware; he was himself a very worthy man, and had so high an
+opinion of my father, that he pitched upon him to go abroad in quality
+of governor to his only son, then a youth of about nineteen. As my
+father had travelled in the same capacity once before, he was very well
+qualified for the employment; and had no objection to the acceptance of
+it but his leaving my mother, of whom he was very fond, and me his only
+child, then scarcely more than an infant. The elder Mr Ware assured him
+he would be a friend and guardian to us both (and so he was) and that he
+would, in his absence, allow us double the income which my father
+received from his cure.
+
+This, together with the appointment, which he was to receive as his
+son's governor was too handsome an offer to be refused, especially as
+the gentleman promised he should never want a patron in him while he
+lived; and every body knew he had interest enough to make this promise
+of consequence. My father was then past fifty, but as he was of a very
+healthy strong constitution, he did not think it too late to undertake,
+for the good of his family, what he said was a very troublesome task.
+
+I could not help interrupting the young gentlewoman to ask her how it
+came to pass that her father, such a man as she represented him to be,
+was no better provided for at this time of life, especially as she said
+he had before been intrusted with the care of a pupil, whom I presumed
+to be a person of fortune, as scarce any others are sent to travel.
+
+She said, he had a small patrimony of his own, and that his original
+design was to study physic; but being persuaded by the love he bore a
+young gentleman, to whom he was private tutor at the university, to go
+abroad with him, he had for some years, while they continued on their
+travels, been obliged to decline this study. When he had brought his
+pupil safe back to England, he intended to pursue it, and for this
+purpose was preparing to go to Leyden; but the gentleman, who really had
+an affection for him, declared he could not part with him; and that if
+he would consent to stay and take holy orders, he would get him a living
+which was in his father's gift (a nobleman then alive,) as soon as it
+should become vacant, of which there was a good prospect, on account of
+the age of the incumbent; and that in the mean time he should live with
+him. As the young gentleman had been married immediately after his
+return from his travels to a lady of vast fortune, and was settled with
+a family of his own about him, my father who fondly loved him, did not
+disrelish the proposal; and without much difficulty consented to it. He
+now laid aside the thoughts of physic, and turned his attention to the
+study of divinity; nor was he in haste for the promised living's being
+vacated, as he was resolved not to take orders till he was properly
+qualified for the holy profession he was now destined to. He continued
+thus four years with his young patron; the gentleman who possessed the
+living, though very sickly still holding it.
+
+My father then being inclined to go into orders, his friend got him
+nominated to a cure in town, the duties of which he constantly performed
+for two years, still living with his benefactor: but it was his
+misfortune then to lose him. He was drowned in crossing a deep water on
+horse-back which he thought was fordable. My poor father had now lost,
+as it proved, his only friend; though he then lamented him as a son he
+loved; and I have heard him say he was more afflicted for his death,
+than his real father was.
+
+As that nobleman was well acquainted with his son's intentions in regard
+to his tutor, my father had no doubts of his fulfilling them, especially
+as he had given his promise to do so. About this time the curate of the
+parish in Berkshire which I mentioned to you before, having a mind to
+make an exchange for one in London where all his friends lived, proposed
+it to my father who had been at college with him. As he had now no
+attachment in town, and preferred a country life, he readily agreed to
+the change; and having first waited on the father of his late friend to
+remind him of his promise, which he again confirmed, he went down to
+Berkshire. Here it was he fell in love with my mother, who was the
+daughter of the rector whose cure he served; she liked him, and as her
+father looked upon him as a man certain of preferment, and every way
+esteemable in his character, he did not scruple to give her to him.
+
+In a few months after their marriage, the incumbent of the long-promised
+living died.
+
+My father immediately waited on the nobleman, so sure of success that he
+thought he should have nothing to do but to thank him for it; but that
+Lord told him with a pretended concern, that he had disposed of it,
+having heard that my father was well provided for in Berkshire, and had
+married a lady of great fortune.
+
+He returned home shocked and disappointed, more on account of the family
+he had married into, than on his own. He now found himself at near forty
+years of age, with a family coming on him, and no other provision than a
+curacy of forty pounds a year. My grandfather pretended he had been
+deceived by him, and made that excuse for withdrawing all his favour
+from him. My mother had children pretty fast, but they all died young
+excepting myself; and as he loved her too well to let her feel the
+inconvenience of streightened circumstances, he was content to let his
+own little patrimony, which he had preserved till now, gradually waste;
+for my grandfather never gave her any fortune. At his death, which
+happened a few years after, it appeared he could not, for he left but
+little behind him. In this situation, my father having lost all hopes of
+being better provided for, with the melancholy reflexion of having
+thrown away the best part of his days in a fruitless attendance and
+expectation, dragged on a life of obscurity and toil for eleven years;
+and then it was that Mr Ware applied to him in the manner I have
+mentioned.
+
+I told this amiable girl, I was glad I had interrupted the thread of her
+story, as by that means she had obliged me with so many interesting
+particulars of her family, and then requested she would proceed. She
+bowed with a pretty modest grace, and went on.
+
+I informed you, Madam, that my father, having accepted of the tuition of
+Mr Ware's son, prepared to attend him on his travels. He took his leave
+very reluctantly of my poor mother and me, whom he tenderly recommended
+to Mr Ware's patronage, and set out with the young gentleman, having
+given up his cure, as his absence was to be of a long continuance.
+
+Mr Ware, who was a truly good man, was punctual in the performance of
+his promise towards my mother and me, and behaved while my father was
+away like a second parent. His son continued abroad upwards of four
+years, and returned a very accomplished gentleman.
+
+Mr Ware was exceedingly pleased with my father's conduct, for which he
+told him both his son and himself owed him the utmost gratitude. He was
+now far advanced in years, and grown indolent from infirmities, he
+thought it better to be himself the rewarder of my father's merit, than
+take upon him the trouble of soliciting other people to provide for him;
+and accordingly resolved to give him an annual income of two hundred
+pounds during his life. He told him, at the same that as his estate was
+entailed, it was not in his power to confirm this grant by a will; but
+he was sure his son was too sensible of what he owed him, not to promise
+in the most solemn manner to continue to him this income, when he should
+come into his inheritance. The young gentleman, who was present,
+handsomely acknowleged the obligations he had to my father, and assured
+him he thought he could never sufficiently repay them.
+
+My father, who now wished for nothing more than to sit down peacably on
+a competency, thought himself very happy; he retired to his little house
+in Berkshire, where my mother and I still lived, and gave himself up to
+domestic contentment.
+
+The old gentleman was punctual to his agreement, constantly paying my
+father fifty pounds every quarter. He died in something less than three
+years; his son immediately on his accession to his fortune, being at
+that time in London, wrote my father a very affectionate letter,
+assuring him of the continuance of his friendship. Nor did he fail in
+his promise; for two years he was punctual in his remittances to my
+father. He did not during that time come down to Berkshire, having
+another country-seat, of which he was fonder. At this time I lost my
+dear mother, who had been for some years in a declining way; and though
+during her health, as she was an exceedingly good oeconomist, my
+father might have laid by some of his income, yet the frequent journies
+she was prescribed to Bath, and other places, for change of air,
+together with the expence of physicians at home, put it out of his power
+to save any thing: which on my account gave him great uneasiness; but as
+he was still strong and hale, he was in hopes he might yet live to lay
+by something for me. I was now about fifteen, and the darling of my
+father's heart. He was inconsolable for my mother's death, but I
+endeavoured to comfort him, and at last in some measure succeeded. Mr
+Ware, whom my father had not seen since the death of the good old
+gentleman, came down now to revisit his paternal seat. He would not omit
+paying a visit of condolement to his old friend and tutor, and
+accordingly came to our house the day after his arrival in the country.
+Though I had seen him before, as it was in my childhood, I had taken but
+little notice of him; he is indeed a handsome genteel young man.
+
+The innocent girl blushed as she spoke these words, but I seemed not to
+observe it.
+
+She proceeded with a sigh. My father who loved him, was rejoiced to see
+him; Mr Ware behaved with a tenderness and respect almost filial towards
+him, and very obliging to me. He continued about a week in the country,
+calling to ask my father how he did every day. When he was about to
+return to London, he pressed my father to pass a few weeks with him in
+town: you are melancholy here, said he, changing the scene a little,
+will divert both your daughter and you.
+
+My father thanked him for the honour he did him, but modestly declined
+it.
+
+Mr Ware guessed at his motive, and told him, smiling, I know your
+objection, but to obviate it at once, I must tell you that I have
+prevailed on my sister to come and keep house for me, and I expect to
+find her at home on my return. I knew his sister, a maiden lady some
+years older than himself, who had on the death of his father gone to
+live with a near relation of theirs. My father smiling in his turn, told
+him he had guessed his mind rightly, and since that was the case, he
+would not deprive his poor girl (looking at me) of the happiness of the
+good lady's company for a while.
+
+Mr Ware said, we might go to town with him in his coach, and as we had
+but little preparation to make, we set out with him next day.
+
+When we arrived at his house in London, he welcomed us with all the
+marks of politeness and respect. I was surprized we did not see his
+sister the whole night, but as she was not apprized of our coming, I
+thought that either she was abroad, or had not yet quitted her friend
+with whom she lived.
+
+The next morning at breakfast Mr Ware made an apology for his sister's
+absence. He said, that the lady, at whose house she lived, was ill, and
+that she could not possibly leave her till she was better, which he
+supposed would be in a few days, as her sickness was no other than the
+consequence of her lying-in; mean while he hoped Mr Price would not be
+uneasy, as he was himself his daughter's guardian.
+
+Though my father was not pleased at this excuse, he however concealed
+his thoughts from Mr Ware; but told me if Miss Ware did not come home in
+a few days, he purposed that we should take our leave and return into
+the country.
+
+We had very handsome apartments assigned us; and my father was put in
+possession of Mr Ware's library; a very noble one, where that gentleman
+knew he would pass his most agreeable hours.
+
+For my part as I did not care to go abroad, 'till I had a proper person
+for me to appear with, I declined the offer Mr Ware very obligingly made
+of getting some ladies of his acquaintance to take me to public places.
+I expected his sister every day, and if she came, as I knew my father
+purposed staying for a month, I thought I should have time enough to see
+every thing; so I chose to entertain myself with working, and reading in
+my own room.
+
+But, Madam, I soon found that Mr Ware was a very base man. The third day
+after we came to his house, his behaviour towards me began to change
+intirely from what it was before; he took every opportunity of being
+particular to me in his compliments. I received them at first with that
+distant civility which I thought would neither encourage nor offend; I
+looked upon him as a worthy young man, and my father's friend and
+benefactor; and thought in my humble station I should not be too quick
+at taking exceptions, as there had nothing as yet appeared in his
+behaviour which exceeded the bounds of respect: but he did not preserve
+this long; on the fifth day he came into a closet where I was reading,
+and there in the warmest manner declared himself my lover. I would fain
+have turned his discourse into pleasantry, but he had recourse to oaths
+and protestations, and swore he could not live without my favour. I
+represented the cruelty of the insult he offered me in his own house,
+and begged he would leave me, as I was determined to depart immediately.
+I will not, Sir, said I, let my father know the unkind return you have
+made for all his care of you, but I can easily prevail with him to leave
+your house. He fell at my feet, begged my pardon, and talked all that
+sort of stuff which I have read in romances. At length I got him out of
+the closet, and locked the door; resolving never to sit alone, without
+using the same precaution while we staid in his house, which I hoped
+would not be above a day or two longer; for I concluded there was no
+sister to come, and that this was only made use of as a snare to draw us
+to town.
+
+As I had a mind to try the young girl, I asked her, How came you to
+receive Mr Ware's addresses in the manner you mentioned? how did you
+know but he intended to marry you?
+
+Ah no, Madam, said she, I could not entertain such a thought; I have not
+troubled you with the particulars of what he said to me, but young as I
+was, I knew too well what it tended to; besides the fear he shewed lest
+my father should know of his pretended courtship, was enough to convince
+me what his designs were, without any thing else to guide me.
+
+Did you like him, I asked? The ingenuous young woman blushed.
+
+I _could_ have liked him. Madam, she replied, better than any body I had
+ever seen, if there had not been such a distance between us. I desired
+her to proceed.
+
+I told my father that same evening, that as I saw there was no
+likelihood of the lady's coming to her brother; and as I led but a
+melancholy life, having no woman to converse with, I had much rather be
+at home amongst my neighbours and acquaintance, and begged he would
+return to Berkshire.
+
+My father said, it was what he had determined on after completing our
+week in town, unless Miss Ware came in the interim; I have just told our
+friend so, said he; he seems to take it unkindly, and says he is afraid
+he has disobliged me; but I assured him my only reason was, that I did
+not think the house of a handsome young batchelor, a proper place for a
+pretty little country girl, even though her old father was with her. He
+assures me his sister will come, and wants to protract our stay a few
+days longer; I hardly know how to refuse his entreaties, but I shall be
+uneasy till we are at home.
+
+I told my father, Mr Ware had too much sense to take his refusal amiss,
+and begged of him to stick to his day.
+
+I gave Mr Ware no opportunity of speaking to me the remainder of that
+day, nor all the next; though he came to my closet door where I always
+sat, and entreated for admission; but I was peremptory in my denial, and
+he went away reproaching me with cruelty.
+
+Mr Ware made an apology to my father, on account of his being obliged to
+spend the evening abroad, the first time that he had been absent from us
+since we came to his house. He had twice entertained us with a very
+agreeable concert, at which there was a great deal of company, both
+gentlemen and ladies. He had got it performed at his own house, on
+purpose to amuse my father, who was a great lover of music; but
+excepting those two mornings, I had never seen any company with him, as
+he said he would not invite strangers, 'till I had got a companion of my
+own sex to keep me in countenance. My father and I supped alone; we were
+to go out of town the next day, and we retired to our respective
+chambers about eleven o'clock, in order to go to bed.
+
+The poor girl paused at this part of her story, as if she were ashamed
+to proceed.
+
+I hope, said I, Mr Ware did not violate the laws of hospitality, by
+intruding on you that night. Oh, Madam, he did, he did, said she; the
+vile wretch hid himself somewhere, I know not where, for it was not in
+my closet. The house-keeper slept in my room, in a little tent-bed,
+which had been put up for that purpose; but she was not as yet come up
+stairs. The chamber-maid, who had attended me to my room, told me there
+was to be a great deal of company to dine with her master the next day,
+and as the house-keeper was very busy in making jellies and pastry, she
+was afraid she should sit up late, and hoped I should not be disturbed
+at her coming into the room. I always dismissed the maid immediately, as
+I was not used to have a person undress me. I went to bed, but not being
+a very sound sleeper, and knowing a particularity I had, which was, that
+if once rouzed, I could not compose myself to rest again, I resolved not
+to attempt it at all 'till the house-keeper came to bed. I placed the
+candle on a stand near me, and took up a book that I found on a chair,
+by my bed-side, which I had been reading in the evening. I had been
+about an hour thus employed, when I heard somebody treading softly in
+the room: as I had not heard the door open, I called out, in a fright,
+to know who was there. I received no answer; but immediately Mr Ware
+presented himself, on his knees, at my bed-side, and half leaning on my
+bed. I shrieked out; I knew not what he said, but I remember the most
+wicked of men held me fast, and talked a great deal; I continued
+shrieking incessantly, and struggling to get loose from him, which at
+last I did, by giving a violent spring, which threw me out of bed on the
+floor.
+
+I had hurt myself sadly by the fall; but dragging the quilt off the bed
+after me, I wrapped it about me and shrieked louder than before. The
+vile man tried to pacify me, and said I should disturb my father.
+
+Providentially for me, my dear father had not gone to bed, for his room
+was a great way from mine, but was reading in the study, which was over
+my bed-chamber. He had heard my shrieks from the first, but, little
+dreaming it was his poor daughter's voice, he imagined the noise was in
+the street, and had lifted up the sash, and looked out to try whence it
+proceeded. Finding every thing quiet without doors, he ran down stairs,
+and was led, by my cries, into my room, for my vile persecutor had not
+locked the door, very well knowing none of his own people could dare to
+molest him, and he did not think my cries would have reached my father's
+ears, as indeed they would not, if he had gone to bed. Think, Madam,
+what my poor father must feel, when he saw me on the floor (for I was
+not able to rise) such a spectacle of horror; my cap was off, and my
+nose bleeding with the fall.
+
+The wretch was endeavouring to lift me up, and I trying to resist him.
+Good God defend me! said my father, what is this I see? Oh, Sir, said I,
+clinging round him, carry me out of the house! carry me out directly
+from this monster! my father looked aghast. You do not mean Mr Ware, my
+child, said he, it cannot be _He_ who has put you in this condition? Mr
+Ware quitted the room the minute he saw my father, which was not till I
+catched hold of him: for he had his back to the door, and, I suppose,
+was in too much agitation to hear him coming in.
+
+My poor father, speechless with astonishment, took me into his arms, and
+put me sitting on the bed; then stepping into my closet, brought out a
+bottle of water, some of which he made me drink, and afterwards washed
+the blood from my face, which he soon found only proceeded from my
+having hurt my nose a little.
+
+When I had recovered breath enough, I told him all that had passed. His
+despair, Madam, is not to be described; he tore his hair, and was like a
+madman. Where is the ungrateful villain, said he? I will go this minute
+and upbraid him with his treachery; he ran to the chamber-door, but it
+was locked on the outside. My father thus prevented from going out, had
+time to cool a little: he considered it would to be no purpose to
+reproach a powerful tyrant with the injuries he did us; he resolved to
+quit the inhospitable house as soon as any one in the family was up to
+open the door to him, and without ever seeing his face again, commit
+himself to providence for his future subsistence.
+
+It would have been happy for us if he could have executed this design;
+but the profligate man prevented us. We spent the remainder of the night
+in lamenting our misery. At day-light Mr Ware entered the room in his
+night-gown, for I suppose he had gone to rest after he left us.
+
+He told my father he was sorry for what had passed, and imputed it to
+his having drunk too much. I own, said he, I love your daughter to
+distraction, and could not bear the thoughts of losing her, as I found
+you resolved to go out of town so suddenly. My father answered, I will
+not reproach you as I ought, but my tender care of your youth did not
+deserve this return: suffer us to depart out of your house, and you
+shall never more be troubled with us.
+
+Mr Ware entreated to speak with my father by himself, and with much
+difficulty prevailed on him to go into his study with him. They staid
+together near half an hour, and I heard them talking high; my father
+then entered my room with tears streaming from his eyes. He threw
+himself into a chair in an agony of grief. The villain, said he, has
+finished his work--he has stabbed your father's heart--I ran to him
+almost frantic; I thought he had made an attempt upon his life. When I
+found he was not hurt, I asked him the meaning of his words.
+
+He would have me _sell_ you to him, said he; he would have bribed the
+father to prostitute his child. Oh, Sir, said I, why, do we stay under
+this detested roof? There is no safety for us here, said he, come, my
+dear, let us get out of the house, and then we will consider which way
+we are to turn ourselves.
+
+My father laid hold of my hand, and I followed him, just as I was in my
+morning gown. We thought if we could once find ourselves in the street,
+we should be happy, though neither of us knew where to go, having no
+acquaintance in London. I had never been there before, and my father had
+been so long absent, that he was forgotten by every body.
+
+We got out of my room into a little sort of anti-chamber, but found the
+door of that fast locked.
+
+We now gave ourselves up for lost; our despair is not to be expressed:
+we sat down, and consulted what was best to be done. I saw now that
+there was nothing that our base persecutor would not attempt, and I told
+my father I was resolved at all events to make my escape.
+
+He said that the shocking wretch had given him till the next day to
+consider of his proposal; and he hoped, by that time, both father and
+daughter would come enough to their senses, to think he had made them a
+very advantageous offer.
+
+I told him in that lucky interval I hoped to be able to affect my
+deliverance; which I thought I might accomplish, with his assistance, by
+tying the sheets of my bed together, and so from the window, sliding
+into the street.
+
+We were both pleased with this expedient; but the next thing to be
+considered was, what place I should go to, as I could not make this
+attempt till late at night, and must go alone; for my father being in
+years, and pretty corpulent, I could not think of letting him run the
+same hazard, which might have put his life into imminent danger,
+especially as I could not give him the same help which he could afford
+me. This was a difficulty, till I recollected a mantua-maker, who was
+then making some clothes for me; and I happened to know where she lived.
+To her house I resolved to go (having first settled all my previous
+steps) and to remain concealed there till my father should get an
+opportunity of coming to me. I told him as _I_ was the unhappy object on
+whom Mr Ware had designs, I supposed he would not detain my father after
+I was gone. He shook his head, but said, he hoped he would not.
+
+Having now settled our little plan, we were more composed. A servant
+brought breakfast into my apartment at the usual hour, and dinner, and
+supper, in the like manner. We did not appear, troubled, but as
+carefully avoided seeming chearful, for fear of giving suspicion.
+
+The house-keeper was generally the last person up in the family; so that
+I was either to seize the opportunity before she came up to my room, or
+wait till she was asleep. The last I thought was the securest method, as
+she was an extremely sound sleeper. I lifted up the sash in the
+bed-chamber, to be in readiness, and closed the shutters again.
+
+Very fortunately my father having received his quarterly payment from Mr
+Ware just before we came to town, had fifty guineas in his purse, half
+of which he insisted on my taking in case of any emergency.
+
+About twelve o'clock the house-keeper came into the room where we were
+sitting, as she was obliged to pass through that to go to the room where
+we lay.
+
+We heard her at the door, and my father suddenly changing the subject of
+our discourse, made me a sign which I understood; and as the woman
+entered, affected to be representing to me the charms of wealth and
+grandeur, whilst I seemed to listen, with a sort of pleasure to him. He
+stopped when the woman came in, but not till he was sure she had heard
+what he said, for we observed that she staid at the outside of the door
+a little while, as if to listen to our conversation. On seeing us
+engaged in discourse, she made a motion to withdraw, saying she would
+come up again when Mr Price was retired to rest; but I told her she
+might if she pleased, then go to bed, as we should not sit up long. But
+as I suppose she had orders to lock me in after my father had left me,
+she did not chuse to do this. She said she was not sleepy, but would
+come up in half an hour, and left the room smiling.
+
+This was an opportunity which I thought was not to be lost. I repaired
+to the window, and hearing a watchman cry the hour, I waited till he
+came under it, and having prepared a piece of paper, in which I had put
+a weight to carry it down, I lighted it and dropped it at his feet; it
+was fastened to a string, and at some distance from it above, was
+fastened another large piece of white paper folded up, in which I put a
+guinea, and in two lines written in a large plain hand, beseeched him to
+assist me in getting down, for which I would reward him with another
+guinea.
+
+The lighted paper (as I concluded it would) attracted the man's notice,
+he stopped and took it up, and finding another paper hanging to the
+string, looked up at the window. I leaned my body out as far as I could,
+and, in a low voice, but loud enough for him to hear me, bid him read
+it. He opened the paper, and, by the light of his own lantern, read the
+lines, at the same time taking out the guineas, which I could perceive
+he also examined by the same light. He then said, I'll help you, stay a
+little.
+
+He made what haste he could away, and I was now afraid he intended to
+leave me, and return no more. My terror was inexpressible during the
+man's absence, especially as several people in that interval passed by;
+however, he soon returned with a companion; and the street being now
+clear, I saw he had brought a sort of plank, or board, under his arm,
+which he fixed from the iron pallisados a-cross to the stone-work which
+jutted out from the bottom of the lower windows, on this he without
+difficulty mounted, and being now much nearer to me, he told me he would
+receive me, if I could contrive to get down to him.
+
+My poor father hastily kissed, and blessed me, and having my apparatus
+ready for descending, he had the farther precaution to fix some strong
+ribbons, which I had tied together for the purpose under my arms; these
+he held in his hands, whilst I slid down by the sheets which I had
+fastened together corner-ways with a knot.
+
+The trusty watchman caught me in his arms, and lifted me over the
+pallisados, to his comrade, who set me safely down in the street.
+
+It was very dark, but I could distinguish when my father drew in the
+linen, and heard him shut the window. I then told my deliverer that I
+must beg a farther act of kindness from him, which was to see me safe to
+the street where I wanted to go.
+
+He readily complied, and leaving it to his comrade to carry away the
+plank, took me under the arm, and we got without being molested to the
+mantua-maker's house. The family were all in bed; when after repeated
+knocking, a maid looked out of an upper window, and asked us what we
+wanted. I told her an acquaintance of her mistress had urgent business
+with her, and begged she would step down and speak to me from the
+parlour window. After keeping me a long while waiting, she at length
+came down, I then gave the watchman the other guinea I had promised him,
+and dismissed him, very well pleased with his night's adventure.
+
+After he was gone, I told the woman my name, and begged she would let me
+come in, which she immediately did. I without scruple acquainted her
+with the manner of my escape, and the occasion of it; she was shocked
+and affected with my story, and promised to keep me concealed till my
+father should come to carry me to some place of greater safety; for she
+said, as Mr Ware's house-keeper was her acquaintance I might be
+discovered at her house.
+
+This terrified me exceedingly, but the good-natured woman gave me the
+most solemn assurances that I should be safe for the short time she
+supposed I should stay with her. She invited me to part of her bed, as
+she told me she had never a spare one, and I readily accepted of her
+offer.
+
+I remained all the next day in the utmost grief and anxiety, at hearing
+nothing from my poor father. In the evening of the second day, a porter
+brought a letter to the mantua-maker, which served only as a cover for a
+note directed to me. Seeing it writ in my father's hand, I eagerly
+opened it; but oh, Madam, how shall I tell you my grief, and horror,
+when I saw it dated from a prison! My poor father told me, that our
+cruel persecutor, enraged at my escape, had charged my father with it,
+who immediately acknowleged he had assisted in delivering me from ruin;
+that Mr Ware, after treating him with the most injurious language,
+demanded payment of him for the sums he said he had lent him from time
+to time since his father's death.
+
+To this my father making no other reply, than that Mr Ware knew he had
+it not in his power to refund any of that money, which, though it was a
+free gift, he would restore sooner than lie under any obligation to such
+a base man, the villain was barbarous enough to have him arrested, and
+sent to jail, where he said he should remain till his stubborn spirit
+should be glad to yield up his daughter to him.
+
+My father desired me to come to him directly, and to bring some body
+with me to protect me by the way. I instantly obeyed, and sending for a
+hackney coach, the mantua-maker got her husband, a decent tradesman, and
+his apprentice to accompany me. We drove directly to my poor father's
+melancholy habitation, where they delivered me safe into his hands. His
+joy at seeing me again, made him for a while forget the sorrows which
+surrounded us.
+
+He told me that after he had seen me get safe into the street, and had
+recommended me to the care of providence, he had put every thing out of
+the way which had assisted me in my escape; and putting out one of the
+candles left it in my room, that the house-keeper, when she come up,
+might suppose me in bed; he then went to his own. He concluded that the
+woman, when she went into my room, supposed me asleep. Mr Ware was at
+home the whole evening, and had before that retired to rest, so that
+there was no discovery made that night.
+
+My father now informed me that Mr Ware had said, when he first made the
+odious proposal to him, that if I complied, he would allow my father
+four hundred pounds a year, and settle the like sum upon me for life; at
+the same time, in case of refusal, insinuating the threat which he
+afterwards put into execution. Thinking, no doubt, he should by this
+intimidate my poor father so much, that upon reflexion he would use his
+endeavours to prevail on me to comply; and it was for this wicked
+purpose he was permitted, or rather compelled to pass the whole day with
+me. I would not, added my father relate this particular to you, for fear
+your tenderness to me might shake your virtue; but the trial God be
+praised! is now past; you are here my poor child at least in safety. We
+have some money to support us for a while, perhaps the wicked wretch may
+relent. If he gives me my liberty I may still obtain a livelihood; and
+if I can get you received into some worthy family, that will protect you
+from his violence, I shall be contented.
+
+My father, unwilling to expose his ungrateful pupil, and thinking when
+he cooled a little he would be ashamed of his conduct and release him,
+resolved not to apprise any of his friends in Berkshire of his
+situation; but wrote a long expostulatory letter to Mr Ware, which he
+concluded with requesting no other favour but his liberty.
+
+To this, Mr Ware wrote in answer, that he was still ready to make good
+his first proposals, and since he now found that he had got his daughter
+with him, he should obtain his liberty on no other terms.
+
+My father still loath to believe him so lost to humanity as to persist
+in this barbarous resolution, patiently waited another month; at the end
+of which he again wrote him a very affecting letter; but to this he
+received no answer, being told Mr Ware was gone into Berkshire. He wrote
+to two or three gentlemen of his acquaintance there, informing them of
+his deplorable situation, and begging them to use their influence with
+Mr Ware on his behalf. He did not disclose the enormity of his
+behaviour, but only said, that on a quarrel he had with him, he had
+confined him under colour of a debt, which it was not in his power to
+discharge; this he did as much in tenderness to Mr Ware's character, as
+to avoid exasperating him more against him.
+
+He ordered me at the same time to write to an old maid-servant, who took
+care of our little house in the country, to send me my clothes, my
+father's books, and such other things as belonged to him. As I had come
+to town but for a month, and was in deep mourning for my mother, I had
+left the best part of my apparel behind me, and I had taken nothing with
+me from Mr Ware's but a little bundle of linnen; my father had been
+permitted to carry his with him to the prison.
+
+As the furniture in this little house was of no great value, my father
+having purchased it as it stood in the house of the former curate, he
+made a present of it to the old servant, who had lived with him from the
+time he married.
+
+He received no answer to any of the letters he wrote to the gentlemen;
+but I got a letter from this old servant, at the same time that she sent
+the things which I wrote for. And you will scarce believe, Madam, to
+what a height this abandoned wretch carried his crimes.
+
+Not contented with having plunged my poor father and me into the deepest
+distress, he endeavoured to blast and destroy our characters in the
+country. He gave out that my father, taking advantage of his (Mr Ware's)
+being a little overcome with wine one night, had put his daughter to bed
+to him, and would have insisted the next day that he had married them.
+To punish the ungrateful designing old rogue, he said he had put him
+into jail where he intended to keep him a month or two till he repented.
+
+Though the respectable character my father bore in his neighbourhood
+made this story incredible, yet Mr Ware's power and influence was such,
+that people seemed to believe it, and applauded Mr Ware's clemency in my
+father's punishment. No wonder then his letters were unanswered; they
+were shewn to Mr Ware, and laughed at. The old servant, who was sure we
+were both cruelly belied, lamented our unhappy fate, but poor creature
+she could do nothing _but_ lament. This last blow quite subdued my
+father's courage; he fell sick upon it, and languished many weeks in a
+most melancholy condition.
+
+When he recovered a little from his sickness, he was suddenly struck
+with the dead palsey on one side, by which he lost the use of his right
+hand; so that I am obliged to dress and undress him like a child.
+
+When the money which we had brought with us to the prison was spent, we
+were obliged to sell most of my father's books, and the best of my
+clothes.
+
+We had repeated messages from the merciless man, by his vile
+house-keeper, who used all her rhetoric to persuade us to compliance;
+but my father constantly repulsed her, with contempt and indignation;
+'till at length Mr Ware, tired, I believe, with persecuting us, left us
+to perish in peace. He supposed my father could not hold out long; and
+he then concluded I should be at his mercy; for as I never stirred out
+of the jail, he had no hopes of getting me into his power whilst my poor
+father lived.
+
+If I had even a place of refuge to go to, I could not think of leaving
+him in the wretched hopeless condition to which he was now reduced. I
+thought therefore of applying myself to something, by which I could
+obtain bread for our support. I set about making those little artificial
+flowers, which had formerly been one of my amusements; and a woman, who
+was confined in the same prison with us, and worked for some shops,
+undertook to dispose of them for me. She had a daughter, who came often
+to see her, and used to carry her work and mine to the people who
+bespoke it.
+
+In this manner we have languished, Madam, near eighteen months; when
+hearing lately that Mr Ware was gone to Bath, and the girl who used to
+visit her mother being sick, I ventured out myself with the work. The
+person who employs us did live in the city; but has lately taken a shop
+in this street; and though it is a journey from what I now call my
+dismal home, I have come to her once a week, for this month past, with
+the product of my own, and, I may say, my fellow prisoner's labours. She
+told me this day she was overstocked with such flowers as I brought her,
+and, having picked out a few of the best of them, she left those, which
+you see in my band-box, upon my hands. I was returning home very
+disconsolate, when, to avoid your chariot, which drew up close to the
+house, I stood up on one of your steps, not knowing it was going to
+stop; and something in your countenance, Madam, I know not how,
+encouraged me to offer my little ware to you.
+
+I have given you this affecting story, my Cecilia, pretty nearly in the
+girl's own words. I was much moved by it. If this be all fact, said I,
+what monsters are there among mankind!
+
+She replied, It was all very true.
+
+Though the girl was very young, and, as I told you, had a modest and
+ingenuous look, yet as I had seen such cheating faces before, I would
+not yield up my belief implicitly. This story might be invented to move
+compassion, at least, the most material circumstances of it; and though
+I could not suppose she had contrived it on the spot, yet I did not know
+but it might have been contrived for her.
+
+I have a mind to see your father, child, said I.
+
+She answered, quite composed, Then, Madam, you will see an object, that
+would greatly move your pity.
+
+She rose up as she spoke this, saying, her poor father would be very
+uneasy at her staying so long, and was preparing to go.
+
+I was seized with a strong inclination to visit this unhappy father
+directly. If, said I, the case be as she represents it, I cannot be too
+speedy in my relief; and, if she has falsified in any thing, I shall
+probably detect her, by not giving her an opportunity of seeing and
+preparing him first.
+
+It was not more than eleven o'clock; and I resolved not to defer the
+charity I intended. I desired the young woman to stay a while, and
+ordering Patty to bring down a plain black silk hood and scarf of her
+own, I made the poor girl, to her great astonishment, put them on. I
+then ordered a hackney coach to be called, and said, I would go with her
+to her father. She looked surprized, but not startled, which made a
+favourable impression on me. She appeared decent, and I desired her to
+get into the coach, which I ordered, according to her direction, to
+drive to the jail, where her father was confined.
+
+When we arrived at this mansion of horror, for so it appeared to me, I
+let her go up stairs before me. She stopped at a door, and said that was
+the room where her father lay. I bid her go in first; she entered, and I
+stood without-side the door, where (as the lobby was dark) I could not
+readily be perceived.
+
+I saw there a man of about sixty; and as she had told me her father was
+corpulent, I did not at first take him to be the person, for he looked
+worn out, pale, and emaciated. He wore his own grisled hair, and had on
+a cassock, girded about him with silk sash. One of his hands was slung
+in a black crape; he sat pensively, leaning on a table, with a book open
+before him, which seemed to be the Bible.
+
+Upon his daughter's going into the room, he lifted up his eyes to see
+who it was: he had a fine countenance; candour and sincerity were
+painted on it.
+
+My dear, you made a long stay, said he, in a melancholy voice, I was
+afraid something had happened to you. What has detained you?
+
+Oh, Sir, said she, looking towards the door, I believe I met with a good
+angel, who is come to visit you in prison.
+
+I entered at these words: the venerable man rose.--A good angel indeed,
+if her mind be like her face! He bowed respectfully.
+
+Pray, Sir, keep your seat.
+
+I took a chair, and placed myself by him. He did not seem in the least
+embarrassed, but gravely and modestly demanded to what it was that he
+owed the honour of a visit from a lady of my appearance; for, said he,
+affluence and prosperity seldom seek the dwellings of the wretched.
+
+I informed him, that, having met with his daughter by accident, she had
+given me a melancholy account of his situation, and that I wished to
+hear the particulars from his own mouth. He made an apology for the
+length of his story; but said, if I had patience, he would relate it. I
+told him, I had come for that purpose.
+
+He then repeated to me every particular, as I had before heard them from
+his daughter, enlarging on certain passages, which she had but slightly
+touched upon. He shewed me copies of his two letters to Mr Ware, and
+that gentleman's answer to the first, as also the old servant's letter
+to his daughter, which convinced me of the truth of every thing he had
+said.
+
+I asked Mr Price, what Mr Ware's demand on him might amount to?
+
+He said, four hundred pounds, which was what he had received from him,
+since his father's death.
+
+Take courage, Sir, said I, you shall not long remain here.
+
+Ah! Madam, cried he, may God be the rewarder of your goodness! but my
+enemy is a hardened man; he is not to be influenced by honour or virtue.
+
+I perceived by this that the poor gentleman had no thought of my paying
+his debt, but supposed I would endeavour to soften Mr Ware on his
+account. Have a little patience, said I, and we will try what is to be
+done.
+
+I requested he would give me Mr Ware's letter, wherein he promised to
+make good his first proposal, if he would consent to yield up his
+daughter to him.
+
+I took my leave, and slipped my purse, which had ten guineas in it, into
+his daughter's hand as I went down stairs.
+
+As soon as I returned home, I sent for Mr Warner, and related to him
+circumstantially the distresses of this worthy father and child. His
+honest indignation burst forth against the base betrayer of them both;
+honest I must call it, though he vented his wrath in oaths and
+execrations on his head.
+
+These are proper objects, said I, to exercise our humanity on; I mean to
+pay his debt, and make the remnant of his days comfortable. You are a
+good girl, said, he, you know my purse is open to you.
+
+Oh, Sir, said I, there is no need to tax your generosity upon this
+occasion, the two thousand pounds you so lately gave me is but little
+diminished. Psha, psha, said he, I gave you that to make ducks and
+drakes of; it is not to go into the account; you know your quarter's
+income is commenced, you may have what you will.
+
+I begged he would immediately write to Mr Ware, who is now at Bath, and
+make him a tender of his money, that we might get the poor man
+discharged from confinement as soon as possible.
+
+I gave him that vile fellow's letter, and advised him to let him know
+that he was acquainted with the whole truth of the story; which,
+perhaps, might frighten him into better terms than insisting on his
+whole demand.
+
+Mr Warner said, there was a merchant of his acquaintance at Bristol, to
+whom he would write immediately, and order him to pay the money
+directly, if it was insisted on. He said, he knew his friend would
+readily undertake the thing, and execute it as soon as possible.
+
+He called for pen, ink, and paper, and wrote before me the following
+letter to his correspondent, which, as he left it with me to seal, and
+send it to the post-office, I first copied.
+
+    'Dear Sir,
+
+    'I beg immediately on the receipt of this, you will take the
+    trouble of riding to Bath, and there enquire for a man of fortune,
+    one Ware, who is the greatest villain in England, and you may tell
+    him I say so. He has kept a poor honest clergyman starving in jail
+    this year and a half, because he would not sell his daughter to
+    him. He pretends the parson owes him four hundred pounds, which is
+    a lie; for though he received that sum from him, it was paid him
+    for value received by agreement. However, as the man can have no
+    redress, I request you would immediately tender him that sum, and
+    get a discharge, for I will have the poor fellow out.
+
+    I herewith send you inclosed a letter which that scoundrel Ware
+    wrote; pray shew it to him, as a token that the parson's case is
+    known, and that he has got friends to stand by him.
+
+    Your speedy execution of this affair, and answer, will oblige,
+
+                                   'Your friend and servant,
+                                                    'EDWARD WARNER.'
+
+
+    To Mr William Blow,
+    merchant, at Bristol.
+
+    London, March 14, 1707-8.
+
+
+My honest kinsman desired I would immediately send this letter off. I
+suppose his correspondent will have more discretion than to let Mr Ware
+see the contents, but I hope we shall have a good account of this
+negotiation.
+
+
+                               _March 22_
+
+I have been very impatient, my Cecilia, for an answer to Mr Warner's odd
+letter, and this day he received one. His friend at Bristol I take it
+for granted acted very prudently, for he says, that having _waited_ on
+Mr Ware (which word Mr Warner took great exceptions to) he acquainted
+him with his commission, and at the same time produced his letter to Mr
+Price by way of identifying the person, as Mr Ware at first seemed not
+to recollect any thing of the matter. He said, Mr Ware blushed upon
+seeing his own letter, in the hands of a stranger; Aye, I remember the
+silly affair now, said he; the man is an old hypocrite, and his daughter
+is a young one; but as I never meant to ruin him, I will forgive him the
+debt; and accordingly wrote a full acquittal, which the merchant
+transmitted with his answer.
+
+Nothing now remained but to pay the usual fees, and get the poor old
+gentleman out as fast as we could. Mr Warner undertook to do what was
+proper on the occasion, and instantly set out it with an alacrity that
+shewed the goodness of his heart.
+
+How wonderfully shame operates on some minds! this wretched man, Ware,
+whom neither the laws of God nor man could restrain, has, by this single
+passion alone, been subdued. He found his base conduct was known by
+people whom he could not impose on; and his forgiving the pretended
+debt, no doubt, was meant as a bribe to prevent his disgrace from being
+propagated: for though he could sit down and enjoy himself under the
+accumulated guilt of fraud, perfidy, cruelty, oppression, and
+ingratitude; he was not proof against the reproach and ridicule of the
+world. This shews at least that he was not long practised in crimes of
+this sort.
+
+
+                               _March 24_
+
+I did not see Mr Warner again till this morning, when he entered my room
+making flourishes with his hands. Mr Price and his daughter were with
+him--Here they are for you, said he, and it has done my heart good to
+deliver such honest people from their misery.
+
+The good old man poured forth such fervent prayers, and thanks for my
+goodness towards them, that my heart exulted with rapture, at being the
+means of conferring such happiness, as this worthy parent and child
+seemed to enjoy. The young girl's gratitude was silent, but not less
+ardent than her father's. She had kneeled down before me, and kissed my
+hands. I was greatly touched with the humility and tenderness of her
+acknowlegement.
+
+I put an end to the grateful effusions of these honest hearts. I have
+done but little for you, said I, as yet; as Mr Ware had the grace to
+refuse the offered sum, I shall apply that money which I intended for
+him to your future use, or your liberty will avail you but little.
+
+We shall think of some method of settling you comfortably for life; in
+the mean while your daughter and you shall be welcome to live with me.
+
+I stopped him from renewing his thanks, and insisted on his saying no
+more on that subject. The poor old gentleman is extremely feeble and
+languishing from his long confinement, but I hope with proper care, as
+he is naturally strong, he will recover his health.
+
+
+                               _April 1_
+
+What true delight springs from benevolent actions, my dear! I never
+expected such heart-felt satisfaction as I have received from restoring
+comfort to these truly deserving people. I have bought the young lady
+some new clothes, plain, but genteel; and you cannot imagine what a
+pretty creature she is, now she is dressed. I find the old gentleman a
+man of admirable understanding, and great reading. He has a simplicity
+in his manner that is truly engaging, but at the same time a politeness
+that shews he is no stranger to the great world. Of his integrity he has
+given convincing proofs. Praised be the Lord! who has made me, and
+honest Mr Warner, the instruments of delivering such a man from the
+depths of affliction. He mends apace in his health, but I am afraid he
+will never recover the use of his hand; though, as it is not painful, it
+seems not to give him any uneasiness.--
+
+
+                               _April 10_
+
+I am infinitely charmed with the conversation of this couple; for the
+girl is very sensible, and prettily accomplished. I wish she were
+married to some honest man that knew her value; for I find she has still
+terrors on Mr Ware's account, nor is her father without his
+apprehensions.
+
+He said to me to-day, if I were to die, Madam, I would conjure you as
+my last request to take my daughter into your service. With such a
+pattern before her she must be virtuous, and with such a protector I am
+sure she would be safe.
+
+I told him he might rely on me, but that I hoped he would live long
+enough to see her happily disposed of in marriage.
+
+If I could see that day, said he, I should then have no other worldly
+care to disturb me.
+
+Here, my dearest Cecilia, I will close my very long narrative. The
+pacquet is already swelled to an enormous size, but you never think them
+too large.
+
+
+                                _May 14_
+
+After so many trifles, my dear, as my journal for nearly a month past
+contained, you will be glad of something a little more serious. I
+mentioned in my last week's journal, that I had cast my eyes on a young
+man, who I thought would make a suitable match for Miss Price, if he
+were approved of by her, and her father. This person is a linen-draper
+in the Strand, a second brother of my Patty's. You can't have forgot
+Harry Main, my dear, whom we both knew as a boy, remarkable for his
+sober behaviour, modesty, and sweetness of temper. He is just now out of
+his time, and his eldest brother has set him up in a handsome shop. You
+may be sure I am his customer. 'Tis on this lad then that I have turned
+my thoughts, as a fit husband for the amiable girl. I went yesterday
+morning to buy some linen for Miss Price, and carried her with me, as I
+had done once or twice before. After we made our markets, I told young
+Main, with a freedom which a long acquaintance gave me, that I thought
+he was so well settled, he wanted nothing but a good wife to complete
+his happiness. He replied, he should think himself very happy if he
+could light on some good young woman as a partner for life. Why do you
+not look out for one, said I? They are not so hard to be come at. I
+believe, Madam, he answered, I must get some one else to do it for me,
+my friends laugh at me and say I am too bashful to speak for myself, but
+I fancy were I to meet with a person that really touched my heart, I
+should make a shift to find courage enough to tell her so.
+
+And have you never yet seen such a person, said I? He blushed, and by an
+involuntary motion his eyes were turned on Miss Price, of whom I
+concluded his sister Patty, as she often visits him, had given him the
+history. He said if I commanded him to tell his secret, I should know it
+another time.
+
+This was enough; I asked in a jocose way, would he take a wife of my
+chusing? Sooner than of any body's in the world, Madam, he replied.
+
+We took our leave, and I asked Patty when I went home, whether she had
+ever mentioned any thing about Miss Price to her brother? Poor Patty
+coloured for fear she had committed a fault, but owned directly she had
+told him every circumstance of her story; her brother having been very
+inquisitive about her, from the first time he had seen her with me; and
+added, that she believed he was down-right in love with her.
+
+I told her if Miss Price liked her brother, and her father did not
+disapprove the match, I saw no reason why they might not make each other
+happy, as I should give Miss Price a fortune worth a young man's
+acceptance.
+
+Patty said, she was sure her brother would rejoice at the offer, and
+that she herself could not wish him to make a better choice.
+
+It only remained now to know how the young lady herself stood affected
+towards him. I put Patty (for whom Miss Price had conceived a great
+affection) upon this task. I thought she would speak her mind with less
+reserve to her, as I feared the obligation she thought herself under to
+me, might have such an influence on her gratitude, as to prevent that
+freedom which I wished her to use; for I was resolved not to put the
+least shadow of constraint on her inclinations.
+
+Patty succeeded so well, that without seeming to have any design in it,
+she drew a confession from Miss Price very much in her brother's favour.
+
+Being now sure that the young people liked each other, I thought I might
+open my design to the old gentleman, which I did in few words. How the
+good man was delighted with the happy prospect which his
+deservedly-beloved daughter had before her! he has left the affair
+intirely to me, so that I hope to have the girl disposed of very much to
+all our satisfaction.
+
+
+                                _May 18_
+
+I am charmed with Mr Warner's noble behaviour. I claim an interest, said
+he, in these honest creatures that you have taken under your protection.
+I like the old fellow mightily, and admire the little girl so much,
+that, if you had not provided a better husband for her, I should have
+been half tempted to have taken her myself; but since it is as it is,
+we must do handsomely by her.
+
+I told him I had enquired into the young man's circumstances, and found
+that about a thousand pounds would set him forward extremely well, and
+that this was the portion I intended to give him with the young
+gentlewoman.
+
+Well said he, I believe that will do; but I must make the poor thing a
+present myself for wedding-trinkets. And the old man too, must we not
+take care of him?
+
+Dear Sir, said I, how good you are? You would remind me of my duty, if I
+myself were forgetful of it. But I have already settled a hundred pounds
+a year on him.
+
+Is that enough, said he? will it make the good fellow easy?
+
+Oh, Sir, it exceeds his wishes; he intends to live with his daughter, as
+his growing infirmities require her tender care.
+
+Every thing is to be this day settled. Mr Price is exceedingly pleased
+with his son-in-law elect; and the wedding will be no longer delayed,
+than till Mr Main receives the answer to those letters which he has
+wrote to his friends in the country, to apprize them of his approaching
+marriage.
+
+
+                                _May 26_
+
+I am sure my dear Cecilia will rejoice with her friend in the
+acquisition she has received to her own happiness by conferring so much
+on a worthy family. The bride is this day gone home to her own house;
+her delighted father with her. Their prayers and blessings, poured out
+from truly grateful and virtuous hearts, remain with me. A reward, my
+dear, and a rich one too, for the self-satisfying part I have acted.
+
+My worthy Patty, whose merit alone raises her much above her station, I
+shall no longer consider as my servant. She has been my friend in the
+tenderest and most enlarged sense of the word, and she shall continue
+so. I have hired another maid to wait on me, and with a sort of merry
+ceremony enfranchised Patty on the day of her brother's marriage; for I
+had her dressed elegantly as bride's maid to her new sister, and she sat
+on her right-hand at the wedding dinner. I look on her as my companion,
+but I cannot persuade her to forget that I was her mistress. She shews
+this by actions, not by words.
+
+
+[Here follows an interval of thirteen months, in which nothing material
+to the thread of the story occurs. The journal contains only a
+continued series of such actions, as shewed the noble and pious use
+which Mrs Arnold made of the great fortune which providence had blessed
+her with. The rest is filled up with a variety of little incidents, many
+of them relative to her brother and his lady, to Mr Warner, and several
+letters from Lady V----, with whom she constantly corresponded. At the
+end of that period the journal proceeds thus.]
+
+
+                            _June 28, 1708_
+
+And shall I really be so blessed, my ever beloved Cecilia, as to see you
+at the time you mention? Oh, my dear, after an absence of five long
+years, how my heart bounds with joy at your approach! The two months
+that are to intervene before we meet will appear very tedious to me. But
+it is always so with happiness, that is within our view. Before I
+expected you, though I regretted your absence, yet did I patiently
+acquiesce under it, and could entertain my thoughts with other objects;
+but I am now, I cannot tell you how anxious and impatient to see you.
+And yet, my Cecilia, we shall have nothing new to say to each other,
+knowing as we both do every circumstance of each other's life since we
+parted. Mine has been a strange one; but my lot is now fallen on a fair
+ground, where, I hope it will please heaven to continue me whilst I am
+to remain in this world. The noble, I may almost call it, princely
+fortune that my kinsman has settled on me, will enable me to leave my
+children greatly provided for, whenever it shall be God's pleasure to
+call me away. Let me but live to embrace my Cecilia, and then,
+providence, thy will be done!
+
+
+                               _June 29_
+
+Gracious God! for what I am yet reserved? My trembling hand can scarce
+hold my pen, but I will try to tell you the event which yesterday
+produced.
+
+I was but just set down to dinner; nobody with me but Patty and my
+children. A note was brought into me, which, they said came by a porter,
+who waited for an answer. I opened and read it. My eyes were struck with
+the unlooked for name of Orlando Faulkland at the bottom; the contents
+filled me with terror and surprize. I know not what I have done with the
+note, but he informed me in it that he was just arrived in town, and
+begged I would appoint an hour that evening to see him alone, adding,
+that his arrival was, and must be, a secret to every body but me.
+
+Troubled and shocked as I was, I returned for answer, by the same
+messenger, that I should expect him at six o'clock. I need not tell you
+how I passed the interval 'till that hour. It was impossible for me,
+amidst a thousand conjectures, to form one which could probably occasion
+this amazing visit. So strangely introduced! so unthought of! and from
+one I imagined to be in another kingdom.
+
+Precisely at six o'clock, I heard a coach stop at the door; Patty was in
+the way to receive him, and presently Mr Faulkland himself entered the
+drawing-room. Distraction was in his looks! I rose to receive him, but
+shook from head to foot; and I felt the blood forsaking my face. He ran
+to me, as if with a design to salute me, but started back without making
+the offer. I made a motion to a chair for him, and sat down myself, for
+I was not able to stand. You are welcome to England, Sir, I am glad to
+see you--scarce knowing what I said. I hope your lady is well? He looked
+wildly, as if in horror at the question. Then suddenly catching both my
+hands, he fell on his knees before me, his eyes fixed mournfully on my
+face, and it was some time before he could answer.
+
+I could not speak; I burst into tears:--there was something dreadful in
+his silence. He kissed both my hands, but I withdrew them from him. Sir,
+Sir, speak I conjure you. You shock me to death! I see I have, said he;
+and I am afraid to proceed: you will die at the relation. For God's
+sake, Sir, explain yourself.--
+
+You see a man, said he, whose life is forfeited to the law--My wife is
+dead--and by my hand--.
+
+I don't know whether he said more, for I fainted away. It seems he did
+not call for any help, but by his own endeavours at last brought me to
+myself, and I found him weeping bitterly over me.
+
+The sound of the last horrid words I had heard him speak still rung in
+my ears. I begged him to explain them.
+
+That wife, said he, that woman whom _you_ persuaded me to marry, I
+caught in adultery, and I punished the villain who had wronged me with
+death. She shared in his fate, though without my intending it. For this
+act of justice, which the law will deem murder, I myself must die, and I
+am come but to take a last look.--What recompence then can you make the
+man, whom you have brought to misery, shame and death?
+
+His looks, and the tone of voice with which he spoke this, made my blood
+run cold, and my heart die within me.
+
+I wrung my hands, and redoubling my tears, I do not need your
+reproaches, said I, to make me the most miserable woman on earth--What
+recompence indeed _can_ I make you--None, none, but to tell you that if
+you will fly this instant, my fortune will be at your disposal, and I
+will take care to supply you in what part soever of the world you shall
+chuse for your residence.
+
+And can you after all that is past, said he, persist in such barbarity
+as to drive me from you? or are you determined to see me perish here? If
+that be so, I will soon rid you of this miserable hated wretch.
+
+He drew his sword like a madman, and with a dreadful imprecation, which
+made me shudder, swore that if I did not that minute, promise to bear
+him company in his flight, he would plunge it into his breast, and die
+before my eyes.--Good God, what a scene of horror was this! I will, I
+will, I cried, I will go with you to the farthest verge of the earth. I
+catched his arm, fell down on my knees, and was more mad, if possible
+than himself.
+
+I begged of him to put up his sword, which he did, seeing me almost dead
+with fear. You know, said he, the means of dying are always in my own
+power; take care you do not trifle with me, nor plead in excuse for
+falsifying your promise, that you made it to save me from immediate
+destruction.
+
+I beseeched him to calm himself a little, and to permit me to send for
+my brother. Sir George you know has an intire affection for you, said I,
+you may trust him with your life in safety.
+
+I had forgot him, said he; poor Bidulph! he will be afflicted when he
+hears my story.
+
+I instantly wrote a line to my brother requesting to see him
+immediately. By good fortune he was home, and came to me directly.
+
+In the mean time, as I saw Mr Faulkland's mind was exceedingly
+disturbed, I endeavoured, by giving him an account of my own situation,
+to divert his thoughts from the trouble that preyed on them; for I was
+apprehensive of his relapsing into the same phrenzy that had so much
+terrified me, if I touched on the cause, and therefore chose to defer
+enquiring into the particulars of his misfortune, till my brother should
+be present.
+
+Sir George was equally astonished with me at the sight of Mr Faulkland;
+they embraced tenderly; poor Mr Faulkland wept upon my brother's neck.
+It was easy to discover he laboured under some extraordinary affliction.
+
+My brother looked at me as if for an explanation; he seemed to guess at
+least part of the fatal truth. Are you come to England alone, Faulkland,
+said he? I prevented the reply; he is alone, said I, he has a dreadful
+story to relate to you. Mrs Faulkland is dead. I durst not ask the
+manner of her death, till you were by, to calm the transports of your
+friend.
+
+My heart forebodes, answered my brother, addressing himself to Mr
+Faulkland, that the ungrateful woman you married has betrayed you. She
+did, replied Mr Faulkland, but I did not mean to stain my hands with her
+blood, perfidious as she was; her death be on her own head.
+
+Sir George looked astonished; that she is dead I rejoice said he, but
+how my dear Faulkland, were you accessary to it?
+
+We were that instant interrupted. Mr Warner passing by, called to ask me
+how I did, and as my brother's chariot stood at the door, I could not be
+denied to him, though I had ordered that nobody should be let in.
+
+I was called down to him, and indeed was not sorry to have an excuse for
+absenting myself a while, for my spirits were quite overpowered.
+
+Mr Warner quickly observed that something extraordinary had happened,
+and as he was already acquainted with the greatest part of Mr
+Faulkland's history, some particulars relative to his wife excepted, I
+made no scruple, relying on his prudence and secrecy, of telling him the
+cause of my present distress; in which he seemed to take a friendly and
+even paternal share.
+
+When he was gone, I returned to the room where I had left my brother and
+his friend. They both seemed in extreme agitation, they were walking
+about.
+
+This is an unfortunate affair, said my brother, and may be attended with
+dreadful consequences, if Faulkland does not shew more regard to his own
+safety, than he seems inclined to do. I have been persuading him to
+retire to a place which I can provide for him, where he may lye
+concealed for a day or two, till he is recovered from the fatigue of his
+journey; for he has travelled night and day for these three days without
+sleeping.
+
+Sir George looked at me, and by a sorrowful sign which he made, I
+apprehended he feared his unhappy friend's head was disturbed.
+
+For heaven's sake, Sir, said I, be advised by my brother, who loves you;
+suffer him to conduct you to some place of security; when you have had a
+little repose we will both come to you, and concert such measures as
+shall be best for your safety.
+
+He snatched my hand, Sir George is my true friend, said he, take care
+that you do not deceive me. I find myself giddy for want of rest. I am
+satisfied to be disposed of for to-night how you please. But give me
+your word of honour that I shall see you in the morning.
+
+You shall indeed, Sir, I replied.
+
+Depend upon it, answered Sir George, I'll bring her to you myself.
+
+He looked irresolute, and as if he knew not what to say; then turning to
+my brother, and leaning on his shoulder, Do, dear Bidulph, carry me to
+some place where I may lie down, for my spirits can hold out no longer.
+
+Come, said Sir George, taking him under the arm, my chariot is at the
+door, I will bring you to a house where you may be quiet at home.
+
+Mr Faulkland rivetted his eyes on me, as my brother led him out of the
+room, but he did not speak.
+
+Sir George whispered me that he would return again. They went into the
+chariot together and drove away.
+
+It was ten o'clock before my brother returned. He told me he had lodged
+Mr Faulkland safely at a friend's house in whom he could confide, as he
+did not think his own, in case of a search, a place of security.
+
+He said he had seen him in bed, and hoped a little sleep would compose
+his mind, which seemed very much disturbed. I requested my brother to
+give me the particulars of that terrible affair, which Mr Faulkland had
+mentioned. Sir George related to me what follows, though Mr Faulkland,
+he said, told the story but incoherently.
+
+Mr Faulkland said he had no reason to be displeased with his wife's
+conduct for more than a year after their marriage; her affection for him
+seemed lively and sincere; and he had made her the most grateful
+returns, it being the study of his life to render her happy. Her love
+abated not of its ardor, and he had all the reason in the world to
+imagine himself intirely possessed of her heart.
+
+Whilst Mr Faulkland's house in the country was building, he had been
+invited by a neighbouring gentleman, who lived at the distance of about
+three miles from his own place, to stay at his house; which obliging
+offer Mr Faulkland had readily accepted, as by that means he had daily
+opportunities of seeing, and expediting his own improvements.
+
+Mr Bond (that was the gentleman's name) had a wife and two or three
+daughters, all very agreeable women; with whom Mrs Faulkland had, by
+living so much in their family, contracted a great intimacy; but
+particularly with the eldest, a sprightly fine young woman, of about
+twenty years old. They had been three or four months at Mr Bonds; their
+house, which was nothing more than a little lodge, was finished; and
+they only waited till it was thoroughly dry to remove into it, as Mr
+Faulkland had laid out extensive gardens, in the finishing of which he
+proposed to amuse himself some time; for he acknowleged to my brother,
+he was in no haste to return to England.
+
+During their residence with this gentleman, they had made two or three
+excursions to town. On their return from one of these, after an absence
+of about a fortnight, they found a visitor at Mr Bond's; his name was
+Smyth; he was an officer, a genteel handsome man, and they were given to
+understand he made his addresses to the eldest daughter; of whom he had
+been an admirer a long time, but durst not make his pretensions known to
+her father, till having lately been promoted in the army to the rank of
+a major, the young lady's parents admitted his visits to their daughter.
+She had long before that acknowleged to Mrs Faulkland in confidence, her
+attachment to him. Mr Faulkland, who had learned this secret from his
+wife, was very glad to find that Miss Bond, for whom he had great
+esteem, was likely to have her wishes accomplished, as he saw that Major
+Smyth was treated with distinction by her parents, who complimented him
+with a bed at their house; for he generally staid two or three nights
+with them, every time he paid them a visit, as his regiment was then
+quartered at a town about fifteen miles distant from their house.
+
+The Major, without being a man of very shining parts, had such talents
+as made him acceptable to the women. He sung prettily, was lively to
+extravagance, full of agreeable trifling, and always in good humour.
+Miss Bond loved him; and as he was considered in the light of a person
+who would shortly be one of the family. Mr Faulkland soon contracted a
+friendship with him, which the Major on his part, seemed very solicitous
+to improve.
+
+The marriage was now agreed on, and was only deferred till the young
+lady's brother should be at age, as he was to join with his father in
+making a settlement on his sister. This desirable event was at the
+distance of four months; but as the lover was in the mean time permitted
+to enjoy so much of his mistress's conversation, he seemed to submit to
+the delay with patience.
+
+Things were in this situation, when Mr Faulkland, thinking it time to
+remove to his own house, proposed it to his lady; but she objected to
+it, declaring she did not think it safe, as the house had been so
+lately built. Though indeed it was now perfectly well seasoned; for the
+shell had been intirely finished some time before Mr Faulkland had gone
+to Mr Bond's house, and it was only the inside work, and a kitchen that
+was built apart from the lodge, that wanted to be completed. Mr
+Faulkland was unwilling to oppose his lady in any thing; but he was the
+more solicitous that she should comply with his request in this
+particular, as he thought he had observed that the eldest Miss Bond,
+had, of late, behaved with more coldness towards her than usual. Though
+he was far from guessing the cause of this, he thought it, however, a
+sufficient reason for their removal. He was afraid they had already
+staid too long; and that, perhaps, notwithstanding the good nature and
+hospitality of the family they all now secretly wished their absence.
+This, though he intended to make a suitable return for their friendly
+reception of him during so long a time, made him resolve not to continue
+there; and the more so, as Miss Bond, who was present when he proposed
+it to Mrs Faulkland, seemed to wish for their departure; as she
+dissented from that lady with regard to her opinion of the state of the
+new house, and seemed to think there could no danger attend their
+immediate entrance into it. Mrs Faulkland seemed nettled at this, and
+immediately assented to her husband's proposal; the next day they took
+their leave of Mr Bond's family, and repaired to their own house.
+
+Mr Faulkland, from this period, remarked a change in his wife's
+behaviour; she grew melancholy and peevish; but as she complained of not
+being well, he imputed the alteration in her temper to that alone; and
+the more so, as she did not abate in the tokens of her seeming affection
+for him.
+
+Mr Bond's family frequently visited them; Major Smyth always made one of
+the party, and often came without them. Though they lived but at the
+distance of three miles from each other, yet as the road for carriages
+between the two houses, being a-cross one, was very bad, the ladies were
+often prevailed on, if they staid late, to lye a night at Mr
+Faulkland's, and in consequence of this, Mr Bond and the Major had
+frequently done the same when they were of the party.
+
+Though Mr Faulkland was far from having any injurious suspicion of his
+wife, he could not help observing that all her complaints vanished,
+whenever this family were at her house. This, however, he ascribed to
+nothing more than her being fond of the company, though he thought a
+coolness between her, and the eldest Miss Bond, was still apparent. The
+principals of the family, however, behaved with their usual frankness
+and good-humour, and Mr Faulkland thought there might be some little
+female pique between the two ladies, which was not worth enquiring into.
+
+As they punctually returned the friendly visits of these agreeable
+neighbours, Mrs Faulkland always proposed passing the night there, to
+induce them, as she said, to use the same obliging freedom at her house.
+Mr Faulkland, on those occasions observed, that his lady always rose
+much earlier than usual, but unsuspecting as he was, he was satisfied
+with the reason she assigned for it, that of enjoying the pleasant hours
+of the morning in a very delicious garden; a pleasure which they could
+not have at home, as Mr Faulkland's improvements were only in their
+infancy.
+
+The mutual intercourse between the two families was thus carried on for
+more than three months, when the time drew near, that Miss Bond and her
+lover were to be united, and every thing was preparing for the purpose.
+The young Mr Bond was come home from the college, and the house on this
+occasion was more chearful than ever. Mr Faulkland and his lady were
+there at a ball one night, when the latter, after dancing a long time,
+complained suddenly of being violently ill and either really did, or
+pretended to, faint. She was immediately conveyed to bed, and, at her
+request, another room prepared for Mr Faulkland. He, extremely alarmed
+at her indisposition, came to her bed-side, purposing to sit up by her
+the whole night; the youngest of the Miss Bond's offering to do the
+same, but Mrs Faulkland absolutely refused them both, and about
+midnight, saying she found herself inclined to sleep, insisted on their
+retiring; nor would she admit a servant to stay in the room, but
+contented herself with having a candle burning on the hearth.
+
+Mr Faulkland, who really had an affection for his lady, was impatient
+the next morning to enquire after her health; he found her in bed, the
+complaints of the preceding night all renewed.
+
+The family were extremely disconcerted at this unlucky accident, and
+expresed the utmost uneasiness, all but the eldest Miss Bond, who was
+silent; and heard her mother and sisters condoling with Mr Faulkland,
+not only with unconcern, but a suppressed smile of contempt, which did
+not escape Mr Faulkland's observation. He now began to resent such a
+behaviour, which he thought very unkind; and told his lady he wished she
+was in a condition to be removed, as he was fearful in her present
+situation it might be very inconvenient to the family to have her remain
+sick in their house; especially as it quite broke in on the mirth and
+festivity which were now going forward.
+
+To this she replied, that she found herself so weak and dispirited,
+which she said was always the consequence of those faintings, to which
+she had been subject from her childhood, that she could not think of
+leaving her room. She made a shift, however, to rise, and said she hoped
+in a day or two to be able to remove.
+
+Mrs Bond, who was of an extremely humane and tender disposition, begged
+of her not to think of stirring till she found her health perfectly
+re-established: Mrs Faulkland thankfully accepted her offer, and Mr
+Faulkland, though reluctantly, was obliged to acquiesce.
+
+They remained thus two days longer, Mrs Faulkland's complaints still
+furnishing her with a pretence for sleeping alone; and, under colour of
+not giving trouble in the family, she would not suffer a maid to sit up
+with her.
+
+Major Smyth, who had been in the house all this time, had now some call
+to his regiment, which obliged him to go to the town where it lay, and
+Mr Faulkland heard him give his man directions for their journey.
+
+Mrs Faulkland still kept her room, and had not left it since the time
+she was first taken ill. It happened that the chamber which was assigned
+for Mr Faulkland, immediately joined his lady's, and was only separated
+from it by a wainscot partition, by which means he could hear the least
+stir in her chamber.
+
+The unsuspecting injured husband, whose anxiety for his faithless wife
+had always made him watchful and attentive to her motions, happened this
+night to be more than ordinarily so. The family had now been for some
+hours buried in sleep; every thing was profoundly silent for some time.
+Mr Faulkland, who hoped his lady was settled to rest, was endeavouring
+to compose himself to sleep, when he heard her stir. This immediately
+roused him, and raising his head off the pillow, he found she got out of
+bed. Though she seemed to use the utmost precaution, he nevertheless
+heard her very distinctly open her door, and go out. Surprized as he was
+at this motion, no other thought occurred to him, than that perhaps Mrs
+Faulkland, finding herself ill, had got up to call some of the female
+servants. Prepossessed with this belief, he started out of bed, and
+hastily slipping on his clothes, ran into his lady's room, where he
+found her candle still burning.
+
+As he concluded she would presently return, he waited some minutes in
+her chamber; at length, perceiving her clothes lying on a chair at her
+bed-side, he was afraid she had gone out without putting any thing on
+her, and though the night was not cold, he was apprehensive, that in her
+apparently weak condition, her health might be farther injured.
+
+On this account, he determined to go in quest of her; and concluding she
+had gone to the apartment of the female servants, which was on the floor
+over that on which they lay, he ascended the stairs as silently as
+possibly.
+
+As he was passing by a room on the top of the first flight, he heard
+some one speak in a low voice, and listning, fancied it was his wife's.
+
+As he knew not who lay in that room, he made no doubt but that it was
+she, who was calling the person that slept there; and, without farther
+reflection, hastily opened the door, and went in, with the candle, which
+he had taken in his hand. On his sudden entrance, the person, who was in
+bed, eagerly called out, Who is there? He soon perceived by his voice,
+that it was Major Smyth. He was about to make an apology for his
+intrusion, when he perceiving his lady's wrapping gown, which he had
+seen her wear that morning, lying on the floor, and in the same instant
+recollecting that he had heard a woman's voice when he was without-side
+the door, the horror of her guilt rushed upon him at once, and without
+making any answer to the major, he suddenly drew back the feet curtains
+of the bed, where he plainly perceived that the major had a companion,
+though she had hid her head under the clothes.
+
+The major instantly leaped out of bed, and though he saw Mr Faulkland
+was unarmed, he snatched up one of his own pistols, which lay on the
+table, and which his man had charged that night, as they were to go a
+short journey the next morning. Mr Faulkland, in the first transports of
+his rage, seized the other; the miserable woman, observing their fatal
+motions, threw herself out of bed. Mr Faulkland was too much distracted
+to be able to give a distinct account of this dreadful incident; all he
+can say is, that Major Smyth snapped his pistol at him, which, he
+thinks, missed fire, and he instantly discharged his with more fatal
+success; for Mrs Faulkland, who had in the instant rushed between them
+shrieked out, and dropped on the ground; and the major reeling a few
+steps, fell against one of the pillars of the bed, and cried out, He has
+killed us both.
+
+Mr Faulkland says, that, after this dreadful action, without knowing
+what he did, he ran down stairs, and opening the front door, made the
+best of his way home on foot. The phrenzy of his mind was such that he
+thought not of providing for his safety; but having got into his house,
+he had no intention of going farther, when, in less than a quarter of an
+hour, one of his servants, whom he had left behind him at Mr Bond's, a
+faithful fellow, who had lived with him many years, came to him, scared
+and breathless, having ran himself almost dead to overtake his master.
+
+Oh, Sir, said he, for heaven's sake, get away as fast as you can: Mr
+Bond's family are all in an uproar; you will be taken, if you do not
+make your escape this instant.
+
+Have I killed any body? demanded Mr Faulkland.
+
+Oh, Sir, answered the man, you have killed my lady, and Major Smyth is
+mortally wounded.
+
+I know not what I did, cried Mr Faulkland, but I did not mean to hurt
+your mistress.
+
+I believe it, Sir, replied the servant, but I fear nobody else will, for
+that wicked wretch, though they think he cannot live many hours, would
+take away your life if he could. The report of the pistol alarmed the
+family, and we all ran into his room, gentry and servants and all; the
+major was able to speak, but my lady was quite dead.
+
+The account he gives is, that my lady's candle having gone out she got
+up to get it lighted, and was endeavouring to find one of the maid's
+rooms, when passing by his, and seeing a light, for he was but just got
+into bed, she stepped in; and before she had time to retire again, you
+rushed in like a madman; and seeing his pistols lie on the table, you
+snatched them both up, and discharged one at your lady, which killed her
+on the spot, you fired the other at him, while he was leaping out of
+bed. I am sure, Sir, this is a false story, yet, as the family may all
+believe it, I beg you on my knees, to provide for your safety. Miss Bond
+was tearing her hair for her lover; but I heard her say, she was glad
+that wicked woman (meaning my lady) had lost her life.
+
+They had sent off some of the people for a surgeon, and I ran as fast as
+I could to warn you of your dangers.
+
+This honest fellow, not contented with urging his master, soon saddled a
+very swift hunter, which he had in the stable; and Mr Faulkland, now
+convinced of the necessity of flying, mounted it directly, and, attended
+only by one groom, galloped off to Dublin, which he reached by seven
+o'clock in the morning, and was lucky enough to arrive just as a packet,
+which was going off with an express was ready to sail. He went on
+board, and landed at Holly-head in twelve hours, from thence, without
+stopping night or day, except to change horses, he rode post to London,
+and presented himself, in the manner I have already told you, before me.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Such, my Cecilia, are the dismal particulars of this sad story. My
+brother staid with me 'till it was very late; our time was past in
+consulting on measures for Mr Faulkland's preservation. He said, he
+would advise him, by all means, to get over to Holland as fast as he
+could; for if that story, which the execrable Smyth had invented, should
+be believed, and it was very likely to gain credit in case he died of
+his wound, and persevered in it to the last, Mr Faulkland, having no
+witness to disprove any part of the charge, would be in imminent danger
+of losing his life.
+
+I need not describe to you the horror in which I passed last night. I
+rose this morning at day-light, and was but just dressed, when I was
+informed Mr Warner wanted to speak to me. I went down stairs to him
+directly.
+
+I could not sleep all night for thinking of your affairs, said he,
+without any previous salute; and I am so impatient to hear Faulkland's
+story, that I could not rest 'till I came to you to be informed of it,
+for I suppose you heard every thing last night.
+
+I related all the particulars minutely as I have done to you, Mr Warner
+never once interrupting me. When I had ended the story, what do you
+intend for Faulkland, said my kinsman? I know not what to do, Sir, I
+replied; but this I am sure of, that if it were in the power of wealth
+to relieve his afflicted mind, he has an undoubted right to a large
+portion of the fortune I possess; this I think myself bound to bestow on
+the man, who, when I was destitute, offered me his. If we can prevail on
+him to take care of his own safety, which, when he is a little more
+collected, I hope we shall be able to do, I must entreat your
+assistance, Sir, in helping me to make him as easy as his unhappy
+circumstances will admit of.--And is this _all_, demanded Mr Warner
+sternly? Does not your gratitude suggest a warmer recompence than giving
+him a paultry income?
+
+I was startled at the question, and not replying immediately, You must
+marry him, said he in a peremptory tone; there is nothing now to hinder
+you; the heavy misfortune which has fallen upon him, puts it in your
+power to make him such a return as his prosperous days would not have
+allowed you. You can confer an obligation on him now; so _that_ scruple
+is rubbed out. As for any former idle aspersions, you have already done
+more than enough to convince the world they were without foundation. I
+could wish indeed that Jezebel of a wife had been cut off in the common
+way; but since he was guiltless in his intentions, it would be barbarous
+to make _that_ an objection, and I dare answer for it, all mankind will
+acquit him, though the law perhaps may not, of that scoundrel's death,
+who so well deserved it at his hands.
+
+I told Mr Warner, that though Mr Faulkland had proposed something like
+this, I was sure it was owing to his distracted mind, for that he had at
+first declared he only came to take a last look at me, and that I hoped,
+when he came to the cool use of his reason, he would be far from urging
+such a request--The more are you bound then, said he, interrupting me,
+to deal generously by him.--What does your brother say upon the subject?
+He has not touched upon it, I replied, I was so taken up with hearing Mr
+Faulkland's melancholy story from my brother, that I mentioned not to
+him his wild proposal; and as Sir George told me Mr Faulkland was much
+more composed when he left him to his rest, I presume he hinted nothing
+of that kind to my brother.
+
+Ay, ay, cried Mr Warner, Sir George to be sure will change his note. Mr
+Faulkland is now a fallen man, therefore depend on it he will not be for
+your marrying him; but for this very reason, I insist on your doing a
+noble thing. If you have a grain of honour, or of gratitude in you, you
+will not hesitate a moment. I will not desire you, continued he, finding
+me silent, to carry your gratitude so far as to marry a madman, if he
+should prove to be so; but if on your visit to him this morning, you
+find him composed, and in his right mind, make him a frank offer of your
+hand, and see you do it handsomely; consult not George, upon the
+subject, I will have it all _my_ doing. Go, added he, if I did not know
+that at the bottom of your heart you _love_ Faulkland, I would not make
+this a point with you; but notwithstanding all your pretended demurs I
+am sure that is the case.
+
+I should be disingenuous to deny it, answered I; far from doing so, I
+will own that I should prefer him before all the world, if the
+strangeness of his present situation did not frighten me. Trouble not
+your head about that, cried Mr Warner, if the man is in his senses, do
+as I bid you, and take care that you acquit yourself with honour.
+
+He left me without waiting for a reply. What can I say or do, my
+Cecilia? My heart and my reason are at variance. What a strange dilemma
+am I driven to? nobody to advise me. Mr Warner, precipitate and fanciful
+in his determinations, urges me on to I know not what. Marry Mr
+Faulkland! receive a hand stained with--Oh the very thought is terrible!
+
+What would the world say to such an union? It cannot be. He will not
+sure when he comes to the use of his cooler reason insist upon a
+promise, which my own terror, and his desperation, extorted from me.
+
+I must try to convince Mr Warner's judgment? I hope he will not
+obstinately persist in pressing me to what I dare not comply with.... My
+brother is just come to carry me to Mr Faulkland. Heaven grant I may
+find him restored to his right mind!... Just returned from my visit to
+Mr Faulkland. What a scene! He wrung my very heart. I would I had never
+seen him.
+
+We found him up, and walking about his room; his looks much more
+composed than they were last night.
+
+On our entering his chamber, his eyes sparkled with pleasure. He ran to
+my brother, and embraced him. Thank you my dear, dear Bidulph, said he,
+you at length give her to me, and with her own consent too. My bride!
+turning passionately to me, and snatching my hand.
+
+My brother seemed shocked, and cast his eyes mournfully at me: mine
+moistened, and I was obliged to apply my handkerchief to them, turning
+my head away.
+
+Tears! cried Mr Faulkland, in a tone of surprize, and on our
+wedding-day! I could not bear this, I sobbed aloud. My brother was
+willing, if possible, to give his thoughts another turn, for not knowing
+what had passed the day before, he thought this was some sudden start of
+phrenzy.
+
+My dear Faulkland, said he, you affect my Sister too much; we have been
+consulting for your safety, and came to talk with you upon it.
+
+I think there is no time to be lost, and that you ought immediately to
+retire into Holland.
+
+I am ready, said Mr Faulkland, but Mrs Arnold goes with me, I have her
+promise for it.
+
+Sidney shall follow you, answered my brother, making a motion to me to
+shew he would have me humour him in his ravings. I will not go without
+her, cried Mr Faulkland; the universe shall not now part us.
+
+I was almost distracted with apprehension, and knew not what reply to
+make; my brother looked confounded, and was silent.
+
+Mr Faulkland approached me, and with a look of gloomy despair, You are
+both mute, said he; Bidulph, I always thought _you_ loved me. Mrs Arnold
+I hoped did not wish my death; but I am deceived in you both--I have no
+farther business with life--The friend I most confided in betrays me;
+the woman whom my soul worships, and to whom I sacrificed all my hopes
+of happiness, repays me with ingratitude. Why should such a wretch any
+longer submit to life? I have borne it too long already; but there's my
+remedy, pointing furiously to his sword, which lay in the scabbard on a
+table.
+
+I could no longer contain myself, but bursting into tears, Oh, Sir, said
+I, accuse me not of ingratitude; I would to heaven _my_ death could
+repair the heavy afflictions I have brought upon you; if it could, I
+would welcome it this hour. Your reproaches, cruel as they are, I
+forgive. I own myself the unhappy cause of all your misfortunes; we have
+been mutually fatal to each other. You know I always valued and esteemed
+you, and have in your calamity already been sufficiently punished for
+the share I have had in bringing it on you. What shall I say to you,
+Sir? My whole fortune I think too small, too poor a recompence, to the
+man who has obliged me beyond a possibility of return. Yet what have I
+to offer more? Can you, Sir, can you urge me to a marriage at so strange
+a juncture? Think how it will expose us both to censure. Your long
+attachment to me has not been a secret. Think what dreadful
+constructions may be put on _your_ conduct, nay, on _mine_, should a
+union now take place, brought about, as it must appear, by so terrible
+an event.
+
+Mr Faulkland was silent, his eyes fixed on the ground. My brother took
+up the argument. Indeed, my dear Faulkland, my sister has reason for her
+fears. You know I ever was your sincere friend; you know too I always
+was of opinion that Sidney ought to have been your wife; her former
+objections I thought were romantic scruples, and hardly forgave her
+refusing you. The present obstacle has more weight in it--Do not mistake
+me, added he hastily (seeing Mr Faulkland raise his eyes full of
+resentment at him) I wish my sister still to be yours, and will consent
+to your marriage with my whole heart; but let me conjure you to take a
+more favourable juncture; withdraw yourself but for the present; your
+affairs may not be so desperate as you imagine. If that villain Smyth
+should chance to recover, perhaps his conscience may awaken remorse, and
+he may be prevailed on to do you justice. In that case you must be
+cleared from the most distant imputation of what my sister hinted at,
+and what has but too justly alarmed her. Cleared as your character will
+then be, and conscious as we both are of the innocence of your
+intentions there will remain no bar to Mrs Arnold's giving you her hand.
+
+Smyth _cannot_ recover, interrupted Mr Faulkland, suddenly--there is no
+hope can spring from that. Then answered my brother, at worst you can
+but live abroad; all parts of the world are alike to such a philosopher
+as my sister is; and probably, circumstanced as your marriage will
+appear, she may like best to reside out of England.--
+
+Mr Faulkland shook his head, and with a smile of indignation, Leave me,
+Bidulph, cried he, I cannot bear _your_ attempting to deceive me. You
+think me mad, and are cruel enough to endeavour at imposing on me--I
+know my mind is disturbed--but who has driven me to despair! to madness!
+to death! and he cast a look at me that chilled my blood.
+
+Be satisfied, Madam, you shall soon be rid of this
+fatal--hated--betrayed--abandoned wretch! he spoke this with his hands
+grasped eagerly together, and his eyes lifted up to heaven. Then
+striking his breast, he burst into tears, and rushing suddenly into his
+closet, he shut the door violently, locking it on the inside.
+
+He wept aloud, and his agonies reduced me almost to the same condition
+with himself.
+
+I begged my brother would endeavour to prevail on him to open the door,
+for I was fearful of his making some dreadful attempt upon his own life;
+but Sir George a little quieted my fears, by shewing me his sword, which
+still lay on the table, and which, at my desire, he put out of the way.
+
+My brother approached the closet door, and in the most soothing language
+beseeched him to open it; but he could get no other answer from Mr
+Faulkland than to beg he would leave him to himself.
+
+I found this was not a time for arguing. I told my brother, we had
+better suffer him to vent his passion alone, and that, perhaps, when he
+had time to reflect a little on what had been said, he would permit his
+cooler reason to govern him.
+
+Sir George was very unwilling to leave him in such a distracted state of
+mind; he renewed his efforts to persuade him to come out of the closet,
+but to no purpose.
+
+I beseech you to leave me, Sir George, said he, I am not in a condition
+to talk--I cannot bear the sight of Mrs Arnold--let me recover
+myself--another time perhaps I may be better able to discourse with
+you.
+
+Will you promise me then, replied my brother, that you will in the
+interim do nothing that may be injurious to your life or health? Indeed,
+my dear Faulkland, you distress my sister and me more than you can
+imagine. Name the hour when you will permit me to come to you again; and
+for heaven's sake think of your own immediate preservation: _that_ once
+secured, there is nothing which my sister and I will not afterwards do
+to make you happy--Can I rely on you, Faulkland? do you promise me not
+to be rash? You have my sword in your possession, answered Mr Faulkland,
+(still speaking within the closet) I have no other weapon about
+me--leave me, Sir George--I cannot talk.
+
+Say but that you wish to see me again, replied my brother, and I will
+go, and give you no further trouble. Mr Faulkland sighed deeply. Say, I
+wish to see you! he repeated, ah, Bidulph! and his voice seemed choaked.
+My brother could not refrain from tears. I will come to you in the
+evening, Faulkland--You will find me your true friend.--I should be
+loath to lay you under any restraint here, in the house of my friend; do
+but say there is no need of it. Promise me--the slightest word will
+suffice. I know my dear Faulkland will not break his word.
+
+Well--I will not attempt my life, cried he impatiently, let that satisfy
+you--leave me, and let me not be exposed to any insults here.
+
+I leave you, answered my brother, and hope to find you more composed a
+few hours hence. Mrs Arnold too begs you will be calm, and think of
+preserving a life which is so dear to us both.
+
+Mr Faulkland was silent, and my brother and I withdrew; he thought it
+best I should not speak to him.
+
+Sir George left me at home, and said he would call again on Mr Faulkland
+in the afternoon, and bring me word how he should find him. My brother
+is exceedingly affected with his situation, and says he knows not what
+to advise. He is fearful that Mr Faulkland's phrenzy is not to be
+calmed, but by consenting to marry him, and circumstanced as he now is,
+that thought is terrible. Yet, if I persist in my refusal, I drive the
+noblest of minds to desperation. Oh, my Cecilia, is this the return I
+ought to make to the most generous of men? whose fervent love for me has
+been a constant source of torment to him for so many years! Yet how can
+I yield him my hand? All my former scruples, weighty as they appeared to
+me, were light to the dreadful bar that now interposes.
+
+Had that ill-fated woman died the common way, with what joy, what
+exultation could I have rewarded his honest persevering love! all my
+duties fulfilled, obedience to my mother, justice to the woman I thought
+injured, reverence to the memory of my husband, the respect due to my
+own character. Should I not, my Cecilia, after thus being acquitted of
+all other obligations, have been to blame, if, after a series of
+misfortunes, all brought on by my strict adherence to those duties;
+should I not have been to blame for refusing at length to do justice to
+the most deserving of men? When I reflect on the past, when I survey the
+present, and my foreboding heart whispers to me the future sufferings of
+our dear unhappy Mr Faulkland, all my philosophy forsakes me. I have
+borne up under my own sorrows--his quite subdue me--I must lay by my
+pen--my eyes are brimful of tears.... Ah, my dear, what will become of
+us? I am almost dead with apprehension. Rash, rash, unhappy Mr
+Faulkland! He has fled from the house where my brother had concealed
+him: I know not what I am writing, my fears distract me. 'Tis but two
+hours since we left him, Sir George relying on his promise, and
+unwilling to provoke him by any appearance of constraint, gave no
+caution to the gentleman with whom he was lodged to observe his motions;
+he is ready to kill himself for this neglect; but relying on Mr
+Faulkland's promise not to make any attempt on his life, he suspected
+not that he would endeavour to escape. Escape do I call it? rather let
+me say, to throw himself into certain destruction.--He is set out on his
+way for Ireland. Heaven knows what will be the consequence of this, if
+my brother does not overtake and persuade him back. He is gone after
+him, my cousin Warner with him; both rode post.
+
+My thoughts are so confused, I can put nothing in order. It seems we had
+not long quitted him, when he called up his servant (that groom who, as
+I informed you, had come over with him) and telling him he was going out
+of town ordered him to go directly to an inn somewhere in the city, and
+hire two post-horses, and that he would follow him presently.
+
+The man obeyed, and in about half an hour, his master came in a
+hackney-coach to the place where he had directed him to wait for him.
+
+Upon the inn-keeper's enquiring whither the horses were to go, Mr
+Faulkland replied, to St Alban's. The man objected to the length of the
+stage, and named Barnet. Mr Faulkland seemed impatient and angry; his
+unusual earnestness, his wild looks, and the road he purposed taking,
+alarmed his servant (a discreet elderly man) and he had the prudence
+immediately to dispatch the master of the house, whom he prevailed on by
+a piece of money, to go directly to my brother with this intelligence.
+
+He had the precaution not to mention his master's name, only bade him
+find out Sir George Bidulph, and tell him that his friend was set out
+for St Alban's, and that his man had dispatched him with the news, and
+would, if possible, endeavour to detain him on the road, that Sir George
+might overtake him.
+
+The man was punctual in delivering his message. My brother, wild with
+amazement and horror, just called as he past my door, to tell me this
+new and unexpected misfortune. Mr Warner had that instant come to
+enquire what had past between Mr Faulkland and me in our interview this
+morning. I had no time to tell him any thing. He looked very much
+displeased at my brother and me, upon hearing Mr Faulkland was gone; but
+said he would accompany Sir George, and they both hurried away together.
+
+The man said, Mr Faulkland had set off before he could leave his house,
+the servant having scarce time to give him the message.
+
+I fear it will be impossible for my brother to overtake him--He will be
+lost forever--what then will be my portion? Happy had it been for me
+indeed, as my dear mother once said in the bitterness of her heart, that
+I had died in my cradle!
+
+
+                     _Tuesday-night twelve o'clock_
+
+Heaven be praised, they are returned! _All_ returned; Mr Faulkland has
+been prevailed on to come back, Mr Warner has prevailed on him. He has
+saved his life; but, my Cecilia, thy friend's temporal happiness, and
+peace of mind, is the only price that could ransom this desperate
+self-devoted victim!
+
+Mr Warner has bound himself by a solemn oath that I should become his
+wife, or Mr Faulkland, determined on his own destruction, would, spite
+of all they could do, have pursued his fatal journey to Ireland, in
+order to deliver himself up to justice.
+
+It was near ten o'clock before they returned to town. My brother carried
+Mr Faulkland back to the gentleman's house, where he was before lodged;
+and my kinsman left them together, in order to come and give me an
+account of what passed.
+
+He said the gentleman, at whose house he was lodged by my brother was
+extreamly surprized at seeing him again, Mr Faulkland having with great
+composure taken his leave of him in the morning; and after thanking him
+for the shelter he had afforded him, told him he was going out of town.
+
+My brother and my kinsman overtook him above a mile on this side St
+Alban's, for which success they were intirely indebted to the prudence
+of the servant who attended him: For the poor man, finding himself
+pushing on with the utmost eagerness, and Mr Faulkland no longer making
+a secret of this intention of returning to Ireland; resolved at all
+events to prevent his ruin; and hoping that by a little delay, Sir
+George might overtake them, contrived at their first stage so
+dexterously to slip a nail in between the horse's shoe and his hoof,
+that he knew he could not go far without being lame.
+
+This succeeded so well, that the poor animal was soon disabled, and Mr
+Faulkland not having it in his power to mount himself better, was
+obliged to go on at a very easy rate 'till they arrived at the next
+stage.
+
+Mr Warner and my brother overtook him in this situation: Sir George knew
+him as soon as they came in sight of him, and followed him at a proper
+distance, still keeping him in view, 'till he lighted at the post-house.
+They then at once entered the room, into which he had retired, whilst
+fresh horses were getting ready.
+
+Mr Faulkland started at the sight of my brother; he looked earnestly at
+Mr Warner, whom he had never seen before; but spoke not to either of
+them.
+
+Sir George, pursued my kinsman, accosted him affectionately: Dear
+Faulkland, was this kind of you, thus to fly from your friends that love
+you? He presented me to him at the same, naming me as his relation.
+
+Mr Faulkland grasped the hand, which I reached out in salutation to him;
+he fixed his fine sparkling eyes on my face: Is it Mr Warner whom I have
+the honour to salute? Sir, I am no stranger to your worth: I honour, I
+revere you. You are too good to interest yourself thus for an unhappy
+wretch, cast off, and forsaken by all the world.
+
+Do I forsake you, Faulkland, cried your brother, kindly enough? No,
+Faulkland, I am your constant sincere friend, and will prove myself so,
+if you will but let me. Mr Faulkland made no reply.
+
+Dear Faulkland, am I not your friend? You are Mrs Arnold's brother.--You
+are not the man you were. Indeed Faulkland, I am; I am your true friend;
+suffer me to be so, come back with me; Mr Warner and I have followed
+you, in the hope of prevailing on you to return with us; do, Faulkland,
+let us persuade you to preserve a life so dear to us all.
+
+What am I to live for, answered Mr Faulkland sternly? _You_ have tried
+to deceive me; the man I loved most, now I am fallen, rejects me. Your
+sister persists in her obstinate cruelty towards me; she breaks her
+promise, and you encourage her in it. I have neither friends, fortune,
+or country! and do you talk to me of life on _such_ conditions? No,
+Bidulph, it is a burden of which I will rid myself--Mr Warner, _you_ are
+a generous man, _you_ have an enlarged mind; may a stranger ask a favour
+of you?
+
+I could have wept, continued my kinsman, to see such a frank noble
+fellow driven to such desperation. Command me, Sir, I replied, there is
+nothing I would not do to serve you.
+
+I thank you, Sir; I have a little son; let me recommend the unhappy
+orphan to your protection. He will soon want a father: will you be one
+to him, Sir? I will send him over to you; he laid hold of my hand, and
+repeated his question, Will you Mr Warner? _You_ have an enlarged mind,
+and do not despise the unfortunate.
+
+I cried downright; he touched me to the very quick. I never was so
+affected in my life; and I own I was heartily displeased both with you
+and your brother, for driving him to such extremities: _You_ especially,
+on whom I laid injunctions to act in a contrary way. As for Sir George,
+I am not surprized at _his_ behaviour.
+
+From Mr Faulkland's discourse, proceeded my kinsman, it was apparent to
+me, that his distraction proceeded from no other cause, than his belief
+that you and your brother slighted him in his misfortunes. It was plain
+when he fled to England, that he was sufficiently in his senses to be
+anxious for his own safety; and though the sight of you, joined to the
+hurry of his spirits, his fatigue, and want of sleep, might, in a man of
+such violent passions, have created a temporary phrenzy, yet I am very
+certain it would all have subsided, if you had behaved to him as you
+ought to have done, and as I desired you would: nor do I see how you can
+answer it to yourself, after the miseries you have already brought on
+such a glorious man (for I never saw his equal either in mind or person)
+to persist in a behaviour which has already turned his brain, and must
+in the end occasion his death: for death he is determined on, if you
+refuse to become his wife.
+
+Oh, Sir, cried I, leave him not to himself, I conjure you; you see the
+influence you have over his mind; you have done wonders in bringing him
+back.--
+
+Hold, replied Mr Warner, till I inform you of the means I was obliged to
+use.
+
+I have told you how I was affected with his situation, and the request
+he made me to take care of his child. This was not the suggestion of
+madness; it was plain to me, that if the cause were removed, he would
+soon be restored to the perfect use of his reason, and I could not bear
+to see the desolation of such a noble frame, and all charged to your
+account.
+
+Sir, I hope you do not mean, said I, to return to Ireland, do you not
+know the risque that you run by putting yourself into the power of an
+exasperated family from whom you can expect nothing but the most
+malevolent persecution?
+
+I deliver myself up to the laws, replied Mr Faulkland; my life is
+devoted, 'tis indifferent to me how I die.
+
+Suppose, said I, Mrs Arnold should consent to marry you, would not that
+reconcile you to life?
+
+Oh, Sir, and he shook his head, I am not to be deceived _twice_. (Your
+brother walked about the room without taking part in the conversation.)
+
+I do not mean it, Sir, Mrs Arnold must be yours; _I_ can influence her;
+do but return back with me, I give you my honour I will do my utmost to
+prevail on her to give you her hand immediately. Her heart is hardened,
+Sir, she will not consent, replied he. I have no friend to urge her, I
+am an outcast, and not fit to live--_I_ will urge her, Sir, she respects
+me, she will be guided by me; she shall fulfil the promise she made
+you--Oh, Sir, you but deceive yourself--she will find out new excuses, I
+am not to be again allured by false hopes.
+
+He stepped towards the door as he spoke these words, and was about to
+open it. Your brother followed, and laid hold of his arm; I did the
+same. Sir George, said he, expose me not to insults, why do you
+persecute me? Leave me, Sir, I am _not_ a madman--but I am
+_determined_--and he spoke as if he were _indeed_ so.
+
+For heaven's sake, Faulkland, said your brother, be composed: You have
+Mr Warner's word of honour; you shall have mine too, that we will do our
+utmost to persuade Mrs Arnold to consent to your wishes. You have _my_
+full consent, you have won Mr Warner to your interest, my sister will
+yield to our joint entreaties. _Yield_, he repeated, no, no, Sir George,
+she has a stubborn heart. I once thought it otherwise; but it is turned
+to stone, nothing but my death will satisfy, her, and she _shall_ be
+satisfied.
+
+He made an effort to break from us. Stay Mr Faulkland, said I, again
+laying hold of his hand, and I here swear to you by every thing that is
+sacred, that if you will suffer me to conduct you back into Mrs Arnold's
+presence, I will insist on her immediately accepting of you for her
+husband, or I will for ever renounce all friendship with her: I know she
+esteems and values you above all men, I am therefore sure, I do no
+violence to her inclinations; and if she perseveres in her obstinate
+punctilios, I swear to you by the same oath, that I will no longer
+oppose you in your resolutions, let them be what they will.
+
+Sir George, added I, Do you join with me in giving your friend the same
+assurances? I do, answered he, solemnly addressing himself to Mr
+Faulkland, and swear by all my hopes of happiness hereafter, to act in
+conjunction with Mr Warner in every particular that he has promised.
+
+Mr Faulkland seemed to be moved, he looked whistfully at us by turns, as
+if willing, though afraid, to yield to our entreaties.
+
+At length, I _think_ I may rely on you, said he, you will not break an
+oath (to Sir George) but that woman has such an _inflexible_ heart! you
+cannot change _that_.
+
+We will do our utmost, we both answered together. Remember, then, said
+he, stretching out a hand to each of us, you have sworn, if she persists
+in her resolution, that you will leave me to myself, and oppose me no
+longer. We have. I will go back with you then cried Mr Faulkland, and
+stepped again nimbly to the door.
+
+It will be best, said I, if we can hire a coach to carry us; there is no
+necessity for our riding post, and we shall be less liable to
+observation than if we were on horse-back. Mr Faulkland looked as if he
+suspected some design; do you not mean, said he, to go directly back to
+London? Certainly, I replied. And shall I see Mrs Arnold to-night?
+Without doubt, if you desire it. Let us go then, said he; I think a
+coach is a tedious way of travelling, but I submit to _your_ guidance.
+
+I left Sir George with him, and went out to enquire whether we could be
+provided with a coach and four; which after some delay was procured for
+us. We prevailed on Mr Faulkland, whilst it was getting ready, to take a
+little refreshment. He asked us, by what means we were informed of his
+departure.
+
+Sir George, unwilling to let him know that his servant had discovered
+it, evaded the question; and only replied, Do you think, Faulkland, that
+in the humour I left you, I could be inattentive to your motions? I am
+not a madman, Bidulph, I must not be treated like one. I do not think
+you one, answered your brother, but I know you are warm, and too
+fearless of danger.
+
+When the coach was ready, Mr Faulkland very willingly got into it with
+us. He spoke but little, and appeared very thoughtful during our
+journey.
+
+The coachman stopped at an inn, after we had driven about fifteen miles,
+to bate his horses for a while. He seemed startled at it, and said he
+would not alight. We told him there was no occasion, but your brother
+and I chose to go into the house, that he might not think we watched
+him. He seemed pleased at this, and smiled when we set forward again,
+but did not speak.
+
+When we arrived in London, Now, Sir, said I, we will, if you please, go
+directly to Mrs Arnold's house. As I am sure your absenting yourself in
+the manner you did, exceedingly afflicted her, so am I certain your
+return will give her sincere joy. I am ready therefore to attend you
+immediately to her; but if I may advise you, I think it were better that
+I should first see and talk to her. It will be proper to prepare her, by
+giving her at least one night to reflect on the important event, which I
+expect will take place to-morrow. Sir George, what are your sentiments?
+I am of your mind, replied your brother?; I think my sister ought by all
+means to have so much time given her for recollection. If Faulkland has
+no objection to it, we will go to my friend's house, where he was
+before. When you have seen my sister you may come to us there with her
+determination.
+
+I have submitted myself for the present, answered Mr Faulkland, to your
+guidance. To-morrow remember I am to be at liberty. Bidulph, beware how
+you watch my motions again.
+
+Your brother then directed the coachman to his friend's house, Mr
+Faulkland not opposing the motion. I went in for a few minutes merely to
+satisfy myself in what manner Mr Faulkland had escaped from thence in
+order to inform you.
+
+Mr Faulkland was very urgent with me to go to you. Keep me not long in
+suspence, Sir, said he, I may as well know my fate to-night, as
+to-morrow.
+
+I left him with a promise to return with your final answer. You know
+_my_ sentiments, you know your brother's, and it rests on you to
+pronounce sentence of life or death (for your answer imports no less) on
+a man who is worthy of the greatest queen in the universe. What do you
+say, Mrs Arnold, must Faulkland die?
+
+Heaven forbid, cried I, no, Sir; I should be inflexible _indeed_, if,
+after what you have told me, I were any longer to resist. I yield, Sir,
+to your request, to Mr Faulkland's, and to my brother's; and I will own
+at the same time that my heart strongly impels me to consent. Yet, my
+dear Sir, believe me I should have resisted _that_ impulse, if I could
+hope that my refusal would not be followed by consequences too dreadful
+to be thought on. There is therefore _no_ alternative, I _must_ be the
+wife of Mr Faulkland.
+
+The sooner the affair is finished then the better, said he; Faulkland
+stands here on slippery ground; perhaps some of the Bond family may by
+this time be arrived in England, and in pursuit of him; therefore let
+your marriage be dispatched immediately, and send him away directly to
+Holland. I suppose when he has made sure of you, he may be prevailed on
+to go without you. Oh, Sir, said I, urge this request to him I beseech
+you, it is of the last importance to me that he should comply with it,
+and the only preliminary that I have now to make to our marriage. Yes,
+yes, answered my kinsman, I think we shall convince him of the necessity
+of this. I shall escort you to Holland myself, for I have business at
+Rotterdam; and I had thoughts of taking the voyage, if this occasion had
+not offered. We will but just stay to settle some affairs here, and
+observe what measures can be taken for his service, and then follow him.
+Take courage, my dear, continued he, seeing me look sad, all may come
+right again. I love out-of-the-way adventures, and this I think _is_
+one. We will live like princes, let us go where we will. I only wish
+that your brother were _against_ the match, that I might have the more
+pleasure in forwarding it; but I need not grudge him that _once_ in his
+life he has shewn some tokens of generosity.
+
+I will return to Faulkland, I long to set his noble heart at ease.
+Strange perverse creatures your sex are! It amazes me that any thing
+could tempt you to reject such a man! Were I a woman, I should run mad
+for him. Well, I will go to him, and let him know without any farther
+demurs you will give him your hand to-morrow morning. Our honest friend
+Price I think may join you. I will call on him, after I have seen
+Faulkland, to bid him prepare for the business. I will myself have the
+pleasure of giving you away. Good by--and away he went with a pleased
+busy countenance.
+
+I took up my pen as soon as he departed, and have scribbled thus far
+without suffering any reflections to stop me. Let me now lay down my
+pen, to pause before I leap into the frightful precipice that opens
+before me.... To-morrow! Ah, my Cecilia, what is that morrow to produce?
+it joins me for ever to Mr Faulkland! the chosen of my heart, my first
+love! the man who adores me; who deserves all my affection, who has
+obliged me beyond all recompence. Who has a claim to my warmest
+gratitude, to my esteem, to my whole heart. I save his life, I have the
+power to make him happy; my brother, my kinsman urge me; my own heart
+too prompts me. Why cannot I then reconcile myself to my lot? Oh that
+question is answered by a fearful image that starts up to my fancy--I am
+not superstitious, yet believe me, my dear, I am at this instant chilled
+with horror.
+
+I am ashamed to confess my weakness, but I must call Patty to sit with
+me the remainder of the night. I cannot think of rest!
+
+
+                          _Wednesday Morning_
+
+I have passed the whole night in endeavouring to fortify my mind against
+the important event that a few hours will accomplish. If Mr Faulkland's
+mind should again become tranquil, which my kinsman gave me room to hope
+would be the consequence of gratifying the ardent wish of his soul, I
+must take care not to disturb it by shewing any reluctance in yielding
+him my hand. Had an Angel _once_ told me that I should give my hand
+_reluctantly_ to Mr Faulkland, I would not have believed it; yet fatally
+circumstanced as our marriage _now_ is, it cannot be otherwise.
+
+And yet I _ought_ to be his. I owe him a great sacrifice, and I am about
+to pay it. I am dressed and ready. I wait for my kinsman or my brother,
+one of whom, or both perhaps, will be here presently.... Mr Warner is
+come; I have but just time to tell you that my brother and Mr Price are
+with Mr Faulkland. My kinsman says he is quite a new man. They wait for
+me, I go. Heaven guide my steps....
+
+
+                               _Thursday_
+
+My fate is accomplished! What a change! Join with me, my dear Cecilia,
+in beseeching heaven to look graciously down on me in my new state, and
+to guide and protect my beloved Mr Faulkland, my ever destined husband.
+Alas! my dear, he is now many miles separated from me.
+
+The worthy Mr Price performed the sacred ceremony. Mr Warner did the
+office of a father. He and my brother were all who were present.
+
+There is something so amazing in all this, I can scarce credit my
+senses; but my life has been a series of strange, strange events!
+
+I am so bewildered, I cannot connect my thoughts; but I will try to give
+you my yesterday's _vision_, for I can hardly persuade myself that what
+I recollect really happened.
+
+I broke off just as Mr Warner called on me, to carry me to the house of
+my brother's friend.
+
+While we were in the coach, he told me, that having the night before
+informed Mr Faulkland of the joyful news of my consenting to marry him
+the next day, he seemed at first to doubt, and repeatedly conjured him
+not to deceive him; 'till having received the most solemn assurances of
+its being true, Mr Faulkland gave himself up to such ecstacies as made
+them apprehensive his joy might have effects almost as fatal in their
+consequences, as his despair was likely to produce before.
+
+Mr Warner had a mind to lower him a little, and thought, by putting him
+in mind of his danger, somewhat to allay his transports.
+
+Mrs Arnold's consent to make you happy, said he, fills me with extreme
+joy; but it is not now a time to indulge it: you are here in peril of
+your life; you must preserve it now for Mrs Arnold's sake. For Mrs
+Arnold's sake! he replied, with ecstasy, yes, yes, 'tis now worth
+preserving. Mr Warner, Kinsman, Friend of my life, (grasping his hand)
+dispose of me as you please; you shall guide all my steps. Will not Mrs
+Arnold go with me after we are made one?
+
+If, after having considered what may be urged to you on that head, you
+should still continue to desire it, replied my cousin, she will without
+doubt accompany you. But, my dear Sir, consider, circumstanced as you
+now are, what will the world say, should she accompany your flight? It
+will fix an indelible stain on her character, which is dearer to her
+than life, and which I am sure, upon cooler thoughts, you will prize at
+an equal value. This marriage will be a profound secret to the world; it
+may remain so as long as we please. I have business in Holland, which
+will demand my presence there in a very short time. Her accompanying me
+thither can give rise to no suspicion. I will dispatch my affairs with
+all possible speed, and conduct her to you.
+
+The joy that before lighted up his countenance, pursued my cousin,
+seemed a little clouded. He took a turn or two about the room, as if to
+consider of what I had said; then, addressing himself jointly to your
+brother and me, You are both cooler than I am; perhaps you may judge
+better; let me but call her _mine_, I will then do as you would have me.
+I cannot determine on anything now.
+
+As soon as my sister and you are married, said Sir George, I think,
+Faulkland, you ought to get out of England with all the speed you can.
+It will be but a short absence; Sidney will soon follow you. What do you
+purpose doing in regard to your son? I had forgot him, cried Mr
+Faulkland. Poor child! My heart has been in such tumults since Mr Warner
+came in, that I could think of nothing but the blessed news he has
+brought me. But I must not neglect my boy. I will write to the honest
+servant that I left behind; he shall bring him over: you, my dear
+Bidulph, will take care of him, 'till an opportunity offers of sending
+him to me.
+
+I hope there will be no need, replied your brother, of sending him out
+of England; your affairs may yet turn out so as to permit your return
+into your own country.--Impossible! interrupted Mr Faulkland; if Smyth
+should ever recover, _his_ representation of the other accident cuts off
+every hope. He will not, for his own sake, confess the truth, but impute
+the error of my fatal hand to premeditated guilt. Heaven knows, base as
+she was, I would not have attempted her life; but I was born to be the
+avenger of those crimes into the commission of which I, perhaps, first
+led her. As for the contemptible villain who wronged me, I do not repent
+of the punishment I inflicted on him; though probably, had I been
+allowed a moment's time for recollection, I might have taken vengeance
+in a manner more worthy of myself.
+
+I was delighted, proceeded Mr Warner, to find him so cool and rational
+in his reflections. He continued talking calmly and reasonably on the
+subject of his misfortunes; but on the mention of your name, started
+again into transports; but they now seemed to be only those of joy, upon
+the prospect of what was to happen the next day.
+
+After I left him, I went to Mr Price, who promised to be in readiness at
+the appointed hour.
+
+We were now got to the house of my brother's friend. Mr Warner led me up
+stairs into the room, where Sir George, Mr Faulkland, and Mr Price, were
+sitting together.
+
+Mr Faulkland was so agitated at the sight of me, that having risen to
+salute me, he was not able to speak; but seizing both my hands, he
+kissed them fervently one after the other, tears dropping on them as he
+held them to his lips. Every one was silent; we were all too much
+affected to speak. My brother was the first that broke silence. Well,
+Faulkland, said he, have we not kept our promise?
+
+Mr Faulkland turned towards him: Oh, Bidulph, forgive me for doubting; I
+am afraid I have used you ill: Can you pardon the madness that I was
+driven to by despair?--Mr Warner, Mrs Arnold, I believe you think me
+distracted. Indeed I am not. I was only--(and he seemed to hesitate for
+a word) weary of life.--I thought I had lost every thing.--The world was
+grown a desart.--No one in it for me.
+
+You formed a wrong judgment, my dear Sir, answered Mr Warner; you find
+yourself now with your sincere friends; Sir George and myself are both
+so; and your bride, your dear Mrs Arnold, is ready to give you her hand.
+I _am_, Sir, said I, and if your happiness still depends on me, it gives
+me joy that I have at length the power of _bestowing_ it.
+
+I have no _words_, he replied, I can _find_ none, it is all _here_; and
+he laid his hand on his heart, his eyes fixed with delight on my face.
+
+I beheld him now, my Cecilia, in a light in which I had never before
+viewed him; overwhelmed by misfortunes, of which I accused myself as
+being the author. I saw him an exile, likely to be deprived of a noble
+fortune, his heart pierced with remorse for an involuntary crime. I saw
+too that he loved me; loved me with a fervent and unconquerable passion.
+Of this, in the anguish of his soul, at a time when he was wrought up to
+phrenzy, he had given but too strong demonstration. Shall I own it to
+you, my Cecilia, I think I never loved him as I did in that moment.
+
+My heart was at once assailed by a variety of passions; amongst which,
+gratitude, and the softest compassion, were predominant.
+
+I continued silent, whilst Mr Faulkland remained ardently gazing at me.
+
+My brother, I believe, thought us too solemn; the occasion indeed
+required it: but his fears for Mr Faulkland made him wish to give the
+scene a livelier turn.
+
+Come, sister, said he, let us not defer the happy event for which we are
+now met, we have no time to waste in ceremony. You remember what our
+mother used to say, 'Many things fall out between the cup and the lip.'
+My brother rose off his chair as he said this. Mr Warner taking the
+hint, approached, and took me by the hand, Let _me_, said he, to Mr
+Faulkland, have the happiness of bestowing this best of Creatures on the
+man that I think _best_ deserves her.
+
+Mr Faulkland made no reply; but in taking the hand that my kinsman put
+into his, his looks spoke the rapture that swelled his heart; though I
+saw he put a constraint upon himself, and endeavoured to assume a
+deportment suitable to the important and solemn occasion.
+
+After the indissoluble knot was tied, my brother desired Mr Faulkland to
+retire with him into the next room for a few minutes.
+
+I concluded it was in order to press his departure, and to prevail on
+him to submit to going without me.
+
+This I found afterwards was the subject of their conversation.
+
+They returned to us in about a quarter of an hour, Mr Faulkland's
+countenance less embarrassed than it was at going out of the room. On
+their entering, Mr Price took his leave. My brother addressed Mr Warner
+and me. Faulkland, said he, is convinced of the necessity there is for
+his immediately withdrawing from England, and he is determined to depart
+from hence at three o'clock to-morrow morning; for I would by no means
+have him leave London by day-light, as we know not who may be on the
+watch to trace his steps. He has consented that you, sister, should
+remain behind till Mr Warner's affairs will permit him to conduct you
+over. In the mean time, Master Faulkland is to be brought from Ireland;
+and if you should not be ready to depart before his arrival, you may
+take him over with you to Holland.
+
+Mr Faulkland seemed rather to _suffer_ my brother to make this
+explanation for him, than to assent chearfully to it. Mr Warner and I
+however laid hold of it, and immediately entered into discourse on the
+subject of our domestic concerns, and the measures proper to be observed
+on so critical an occasion.
+
+Mr Faulkland joined in the conversation with the utmost composure; and
+to my unspeakable joy, seemed perfectly settled and collected in his
+mind. I thought indeed he appeared a little constrained, and that he
+seemed to keep a constant guard over himself, lest he should betray any
+symptom of a too much heated imagination: but my kinsman afterwards
+observed with pleasure to me, that this denoted nothing more than a
+consciousness in Mr Faulkland of the unhappy wandering that had before
+so much alarmed us all; and into which he was sure there was not the
+least danger of his relapsing, as his heart was now perfectly at ease.
+
+Mr Faulkland told us he had letters to write to Ireland, which he would
+dispatch, that he might have nothing to interrupt the few short hours we
+had to pass together in the evening.
+
+Mr Warner said he had business to do that called him away, but that he
+would return after dinner: and my brother (that Mr Faulkland might be
+quite undisturbed) proposed my going home with him, and that we should
+come back together in the afternoon.
+
+Mr Faulkland did not object to this, and I went with Sir George.
+
+We returned early in the afternoon to Mr Faulkland. As my brother had
+let his friend into our secret, we passed up stairs without any notice
+being taken of us.
+
+Mr Faulkland had writ two letters; one of them very long, to Mr Bond,
+which he gave my brother to read, but I know not the contents of it. The
+other was to that careful honest servant whom he had mentioned to us,
+with orders to bring over Master Faulkland with all convenient speed,
+and put him into Sir George's hand.
+
+Mr Warner but just called in upon us in the evening, he said he had been
+making the necessary preparations for Mr Faulkland's journey; and that
+having resolved himself to attend him as far as Harwich, he would, at
+the hour appointed call on him in a coach, which should carry them a few
+miles out of town, where the horses were to wait for them.
+
+Worthy, compassionate, and generous kinsman, how I love you for the
+honest warmth of your heart!
+
+My brother and Mr Faulkland had a great deal of discourse about the
+necessary measures that were to be taken by us all; and we passed the
+evening in a kind of chastened satisfaction, which could not arise to
+happiness from the near prospect we had of parting.
+
+About ten o'clock my brother took an affectionate leave of his friend,
+he excused himself from accompanying him on his journey, on account of
+Lady Sarah's not being well.
+
+To see _such_ a parting, would at another time have deeply affected me,
+but my own hour of separation drew near. It came, and Mr Warner punctual
+to his time, hurried Mr Faulkland almost by force into the coach, and
+drove off with him.
+
+I threw myself into a chair which he had ordered for me, and was carried
+home. I went not to bed; but had recourse to my pen. God preserve my
+dear fugitive; I can do nothing but weep.
+
+
+                                _July 2_
+
+My mind was too much unsettled yesterday to dictate any thing coherent.
+I am now, thank heaven, more composed. Sir George and Lady Sarah have
+been with me during the greatest part of the day; both kind and
+consoling. My brother seems to have all his former affection for me
+revived in his heart; he is indeed charmed with my justice, as he calls
+it. Lady Sarah, who at the bottom of her heart is no way concerned about
+this event, affects however to think as her husband does, and commends
+me for my generosity.
+
+I feel myself easier in proportion as I think Mr Faulkland gets farther
+out of the reach of danger. Sir George says by this time he may be on
+his voyage.
+
+I shall certainly wait till the child arrives, in order to take him
+with me. My two little girls will be fond of such a brother, for he is
+a charming boy.
+
+My brother flatters me with a possibility at least of Major Smyth's
+recovering; and if so, he says that Mr Faulkland may stand his trial for
+the other accident, as he is in hopes Smyth will not persist in his
+villainy so far as to add perjury to his other crimes.
+
+I have but little expectations of justice from so bad a man, but I would
+not discourage my friends in their endeavours to comfort me.
+
+
+                                _July 3_
+
+Mr Warner is returned from Harwich, after having seen Mr Faulkland safe
+on board the packet, and even under sail for Holland.
+
+What a benevolent heart has this good relation of mine! Indeed I dearly
+love and respect him. His return has revived my spirits, and I begin to
+lose my fears. He brought me a short letter from Mr Faulkland; short it
+is, but his heart speaks in every syllable of it. I will not give you
+the contents, my Cecilia, you will think it too extravagant, too
+romantic, for a husband to write so to his wife.
+
+
+                                _July 6_
+
+I long, yet dread to hear accounts from Ireland. I fear that wretched
+Smyth is dead. No mail has arrived from thence these eight days.
+Contrary winds they tell me detain the packets on the other side very
+often for a fortnight together. If that be so, how fortunate was Mr
+Faulkland in seizing on a lucky hour for his departure from the Irish
+shore.
+
+I suppose Mr Bond's family, whom he must have rendered very unhappy,
+particularly the daughter, are all now his implacable enemies; and are
+tormenting themselves in being detained from the pursuit of their
+vengeance. But let them come now when they will, he is far out of the
+reach of his foes.
+
+I would it were possible for my Cecilia, to arrive in England before my
+departure for Holland. Indeed, my dear, I shall not be sorry if I am
+detained from Mr Faulkland, till I have the happiness of first embracing
+you, as our separation may be afterwards of a long continuance. I shall
+wait for the arrival of Master Faulkland, and who knows what adverse
+winds may detain him till your return. O! that I may pass though it be
+but one day, with the dear companion of my youth before we are again
+divided!
+
+I will not send this packet off, till I am ready to depart from
+England, as that will be closing an important period of my life. What
+would I give that my dearest friend would come, and instead of this
+tedious narrative which I have written, receive the account from my own
+lips! If my wishes should not be granted in this, cannot you make
+Holland your way home? Mr Faulkland purposes staying at the Hague till I
+go to him.
+
+
+                                _July 9_
+
+Cecilia! have I been a murmurer at the decrees of providence? have I
+been an impious repiner when heaven has poured down its wrath upon my
+head? if not, why am I marked out for divine vengeance? before I lose my
+senses, or my life, for both I cannot retain, hear the last act of your
+friend's tragic story.
+
+My brother called on me this day; he gave me a letter directed to Mr
+Faulkland, which came under a cover to him. Read it, said he, it is from
+Ireland, and may contain something material for us to know.
+
+It was from the honest servant Mr Faulkland left behind him. See what he
+says, and then tell me if I ought to live any longer.
+
+    'Honoured Sir,
+
+    'I have the happiness to send you a piece of good news, which made
+    me wish for wings to have flown over to you with it.
+
+    'My lady, Heaven be praised, is not dead, nor so much as hurt. I
+    am thankful for this, Sir, on your account, not her's.
+
+    'I don't know what possessed the people at Mr Bond's, to tell me
+    she was dead; the mistake, to be sure, was occasioned by the great
+    confusion the family were thrown into, and indeed, from what I
+    myself saw, I was sure she was actually dead.
+
+    'Major Smyth lived 'till the surgeon came; but had been speechless
+    for two or three hours, and died whilst his wound was probing.
+
+    'My lady had only fallen into a fit, and the major having bled
+    prodigiously, she received a great deal of his blood upon her
+    linen, and as he afterwards contrived to throw himself on the bed,
+    which was at some distance from the place where she had fallen, it
+    gave occasion to Mrs Bond (who was herself the first person that
+    entered the room, after the sad accident) on finding my lady lying
+    senseless, pale, and bloody, on the floor, to suppose she had been
+    killed.
+
+    'This alarm ran through the family, and was confirmed to me by
+    every one in it, as we servants soon quitted the chamber; and the
+    major himself said, that you had discharged one of the pistols at
+    your lady, and the other at him.
+
+    'I returned to Mr Bond's in the morning, after you were gone off,
+    to enquire whether Major Smyth was alive or not; he was just then
+    dead.
+
+    'The waiting-maid informed me, that my lady, to their great
+    surprize, was recovered, having only been in a fainting fit, which
+    held her above an hour, without her shewing any signs of life; and
+    that she had fallen from one to another 'till morning: and she
+    farther said (begging your honour's pardon) it would be no great
+    matter if she had died in one; for she believed it was for no good
+    she went into the major's room at that time of the night.
+
+    'I staid about the house all the day to pick up what intelligence
+    I could from the servants. Young Mr Bond, with two or three men,
+    went to your house, and not finding you there, I suppose, rode in
+    pursuit of you; but, Heaven be praised, you have escaped their
+    hands.
+
+    'The waiting-maid, who is a very civil young woman, told me, in
+    the evening, that my lady, being come a little to herself (though
+    I believe not in her right mind) was informed of the major's
+    death; at which she was so exceedingly terrified, that finding
+    herself ill besides, she confessed the whole truth of the matter,
+    and proved, that the major died with a lie in his mouth: so that I
+    hope Mr Bond's family will not be so spiteful as to prosecute the
+    affair any farther.
+
+    'My lady was sent home directly in the chariot, as they could not
+    bear the sight of her any longer in the house. She takes on
+    mightily; but we all bless ourselves, that she is alive.
+
+    'I shall make bold to inclose this, according to your order, to
+    Sir George Bidulph; and as soon as I receive your commands about
+    Master, shall make no delay in this unlucky place. I am.
+
+    'Honoured Sir,
+        'Your dutiful and obedient servant,
+                                                   'FREDERICK HILDY.'
+
+
+                               _June 26_
+
+Adieu, my Cecilia, adieu; nothing but my death should close such a scene
+as this.
+
+Here, to the editor's great disappointment, Mrs Arnold's interesting
+story broke off; that unhappy lady not having continued her journal any
+farther.
+
+But as this seemed to be one of the most affecting periods of her life,
+his curiosity induced him to enquire of the gentleman from whom he
+received those papers whether he could give him any farther light into
+her story; as he thought it not improbable that he might have learned,
+from his mother, some other particulars relating to her.
+
+His friend told him, that he knew his mother had drawn up a narrative of
+the subsequent remarkable events in the life of Mrs Arnold, at the
+request of a particular friend; that he had once heard it read; but, as
+he was then a boy, it made but little impression upon him; that
+afterwards, when he wanted to have his curiosity gratified, his mother
+told him, she could not find the manuscript, and feared it was lost.
+However, he said, he would search her papers and, if he recovered it, it
+should be at his service.
+
+After some time, the gentleman informed the editor, that he had made the
+strictest scrutiny into his mother's papers, and could find nothing
+relative to the subject of Mrs Arnold, excepting a few loose sheets,
+which seemed to have been the foul copy of the beginning of her
+narrative; and, at the same time, put them into his hands.
+
+These the editor offers to the publick, as he received them, without any
+alteration or addition.
+
+
+
+
+                        CECILIA'S NARRATIVE, &c.
+
+               BEING A SUPPLEMENT TO MRS ARNOLD'S JOURNAL
+
+
+I set out on my return to England, immediately after the receipt of her
+last journal, the melancholy close of which had exceedingly terrified
+and afflicted me.
+
+Immediately on my arrival in London, I flew to the dear friend of my
+heart; she was still at her house, in Pall-mall.
+
+I found the dear Sidney alone, in her bed-chamber. She had been prepared
+to receive me; but though I had endeavoured to arm myself with
+resolution for this affecting interview, I was not mistress of myself at
+the sight of her.
+
+The tears I shed did not spring from that sweet emotion, which long
+severed friends feel at seeing each other again; I wept in sorrow for
+the heavy misfortunes of the best of women.
+
+But Mrs Arnold, still herself, and superior to adversity, received me
+with the tenderest marks of friendship, and with a composure that amazed
+me.
+
+Piety, meekness, and patience, were ever Mrs Arnold's characteristics;
+and they now all appeared blended, and so strongly impressed on her
+beautiful face, that I could not look at her without admiration.
+
+As I was astonished to find her so calm under so trying an affliction, I
+could not help expressing myself to that purpose; but Mrs Arnold checked
+me, with this reply: 'I have been set up as a mark, my Cecilia; let me
+fulfil the intention of my Maker, by shewing a perfect resignation to
+His will. I hope, my task is almost finished, and that he will soon
+permit me to return to the dust from which I came.'
+
+Frederick Hildy had arrived from Ireland above a fortnight before, with
+Master Faulkland, a beautiful child of about five years old. They were
+both lodged in Mrs Arnold's house.
+
+She told me, that Sir George Bidulph and Mr Warner had set out together
+for Holland, immediately after the receipt of the letter, which informed
+them of Mrs Faulkland's being alive.
+
+My brother, said Mrs Arnold, thought it necessary himself to be the
+bearer of news so fatal in its import to his friend. He hoped besides he
+should be able to return and stand his trial for having killed Major
+Smyth, as there is no doubt of his being acquitted; all Mr Bond's family
+being now convinced, from Mrs Faulkland's own confession, that there was
+nothing premeditated in this fatal event, and that what Mr Faulkland
+did, was in defence of his own life.
+
+I have writ, continued she, to Mr Faulkland, to endeavour to console him
+under our mutual misfortune.
+
+At my request, she shewed me a copy, of this letter; wherein she assured
+him, she would take the tenderest care of his son, 'till the child could
+be delivered safe into his hands; and conjured him, for that child's
+sake, to be careful of his own interest and preservation; adding, that
+as their ill fated marriage was an absolute secret to every one but the
+persons immediately concerned, she hoped he would not suffer the
+thoughts of it to break in upon his future quiet; and concluded with
+beseeching him to forget her, as they were never more to meet.
+
+This was the substance of what she wrote. There were no murmurings at
+her fate, no womanish complainings, mixed with the tender, yet noble
+sentiments of her heart. She endeavoured to conceal her own anguish
+under the mask of contentment, that Mr Faulkland might the better
+support this final destruction of all his hopes.
+
+I asked her, whether she had heard since from Mr Faulkland? She told me
+she had as yet received no answer from him to this letter, but that she
+had heard severally from Sir George and Mr Warner, who both informed
+her, that Mr Faulkland, after his first transports of surprize and grief
+were over, at receiving this new and unexpected blow, had grown more
+calm, and seemed inclined to return with them to England. Sir George
+added, in the last letter she had from him, that they only waited 'till
+Mr Warner had accomplished the business that he had to do in Holland,
+and hoped, before a fortnight was at an end, to return home, and to have
+the pleasure of conducting Mr Faulkland back.
+
+It is ten days, continued Mrs Arnold, since I received this account, and
+I flatter myself, that they may now be on their journey homeward.
+
+Mrs Arnold said, that she waited but for Sir George's return, in order
+to deliver Master Faulkland into his hands, and that she then meant to
+retire into the country, with her two children, and Patty, the faithful
+companion and partner of her grief.
+
+Lady Sarah Bidulph, who would gladly have gone with Sir George to
+Holland, had been persuaded by him to stay behind, in order to bear his
+sister company in her affliction; and Mrs Arnold said, she had dedicated
+much of her time to that friendly purpose.
+
+Her Ladyship came to pay her a visit whilst I was there. I had never
+seen Lady Sarah before; and we were introduced to each other.
+
+I took my leave of Mrs Arnold, and promised to see her again the next
+day.
+
+In the morning, as I was preparing to go to her, I received a note from
+Lady Sarah Bidulph, earnestly requesting the favour of seeing me, at her
+house, in St James's Square, before I went to Mrs Arnold.
+
+I obeyed this unexpected summons, and immediately waited on her.
+
+I took the liberty, Madam, said she, of desiring to see you here this
+morning, at Sir George's request: he arrived late last night, and brings
+most melancholy news from Holland.
+
+Sir George entered the room while she spoke. After the first greeting of
+friends long parted were over, I am afraid to ask, Sir George, said I,
+yet am impatient to learn something of Mr Faulkland, your lady has
+terribly alarmed me; Mr Faulkland is not returned; I dare not enquire
+the reason. Tears instantly sprung into Sir George's eyes. He returns no
+more, said he, his remains are soon to be conveyed to England to be laid
+with his ancestors.
+
+Ah, Sir, cried I, what will poor Mrs Arnold say to this fresh
+misfortune?
+
+It was on that account Madam, he replied, that we are now requested to
+speak with you, before you saw my sister. You, who are her bosom friend,
+can more tenderly disclose this melancholy event than any one. I have
+not the courage to see her. We must beg of you, dear Madam, to prepare
+the unhappy Sidney for the news.
+
+I asked him the manner of Mr Faulkland's death. I cannot positively say,
+answered Sir George, but much I fear he precipitated his own fate.
+
+Mr Warner, or I, constantly staid with him from the time we disclosed
+the fatal account we brought concerning Mrs Faulkland. Knowing as we did
+the violence of his temper, we were apprehensive of sudden and dreadful
+consequences; but he deceived us both; for after the first starts of
+passion were over, which though they shocked, did not alarm us, as we
+expected them, he assumed a calm resignation to his fate; and talked
+with such a rational composure of the strange circumstances of this
+incident, that we began to entertain hopes, that the efforts of his
+reason, joined to our constant endeavours to sooth and console him,
+would in time so far succeed, and though we never expected to see him
+restored to a tranquil state of mind, we yet flattered ourselves he
+would submit to life upon such terms as Providence thought fit to impose
+on him.
+
+I was with him, proceeded Sir George, when he received a letter from my
+sister. His hands shook so on perceiving by the superscription that it
+came from her, that he let the letter drop. Read it for me, Bidulph,
+said he, and tell me how it fares with Mrs Arnold.
+
+I instantly complied with his request. I found by the date of the letter
+that it had been delayed much longer than it ought to have been, which I
+immediately observed to him, as he had often expressed his uneasiness at
+not hearing from my sister.
+
+Mrs Arnold is well, said I, giving him the letter; read what it says,
+and let her teach you fortitude.
+
+He withdrew to a window to peruse it. After he had read it, I admire
+your sister's stoicism, said he, stepping back to his chair. This is
+true philosophy, laying his finger on the letter which he still held in
+his hand. _Her_ heroic soul is still unmoved, and above the reach of
+adversity. Happy Mrs Arnold--What a vain fool was I to think that such a
+mind as _hers_ could be subdued. He paused and seemed for a while buried
+in thought. Then putting the letter up in his pocket, he began to
+discourse on some other topic.
+
+We passed the evening together, continued Sir George, and though
+Faulkland was far from being chearful, I thought he appeared more
+tranquil than he had done since my arrival.
+
+I talked to him of his returning to England with me. He said with a
+smile, I think I ought to go if it were for no other reason but that I
+may have my dust mingled with that of my forefathers; and this office,
+Bidulph, I expect from you, if you should outlive me.
+
+I laughed at him, and said I thought he had a much more material reason
+that pressed his return.
+
+Your estate, said I, is unsettled; and if you were to die abroad in the
+predicament in which you now stand, what is to become of your son?
+
+I have already done for my son, said he, all that I thought in justice
+was in my power to do: I have long ago settled my personal fortune on
+him, that in case my next heirs should on account of the illegitimacy of
+his birth, claim the family estate, he may have a handsome support
+without it.
+
+And indeed I never wished to debar my lawful heirs in favour of this
+child; though I love him tenderly, and they are worthless people, whom I
+despise, and with whom I never had any intercourse.
+
+I replied, if that were so, as the manner of the child's birth was a
+secret, I wished he might, undisturbed, inherit his father's fortune,
+when he should come to pay the last debt to nature.
+
+He answered, where such a vast property was at stake, there would not be
+people wanting whose interest would engage them to discover the secret;
+and he doubted not but the irregularity of his wife's conduct, had
+already occasioned enquiries to be made.
+
+Supposing, said I, you had had another son by Mrs Faulkland since your
+marriage--as you could have no objection to the bequeathing your fortune
+to him, would it not have appeared strange in the eyes of the world that
+you should disinherit your eldest son.
+
+It might have appeared so, said he, but I certainly should have done it:
+and for that reason, as I have no child but him, I have made such a
+disposition of my fortune as I now tell you. If I live, I may increase
+my son's patrimony; if not, he must be contented with that which I have
+bequeathed to him, and let my kindred scramble for the rest.
+
+We staid together till it was late; he discoursed on a variety of
+subjects, but mentioned not my sister's name during the whole time.
+
+I thought I left him well, and his mind tolerably composed. We were to
+set out on our return in six days; but an account was brought to me in
+the morning, that Mr Faulkland was found dead in his bed.
+
+There were no symptoms discovered on the body that could let us into the
+occasion of his death; but as my own fears suggested too much, I chose
+not to be particular in my enquiries. Wishing rather that his fatal
+story should be buried in silence.
+
+Mr Warner found that his affairs were likely to delay him longer than
+the time proposed; and as I had nothing farther to detain me in Holland,
+I set out the day after my unfortunate friend's death, leaving to Mr
+Warner, the care of conveying his remains to England, agreeably to the
+desire he had expressed, which I now considered as his last injunction
+laid on me.
+
+Thus, proceeded Sir George, by a series of fatal events, each of which
+was occasioned by motives in themselves laudable, has one of the bravest
+and most noble-minded men on earth been cut off in the prime of his
+youth--O! Faulkland, why did you suffer that gallant spirit to be
+vanquished?--
+
+Sir George's emotion stopped his farther speech, I was too much affected
+to say any thing to him, but took a hasty leave of Lady Sarah, in order
+to go to Mrs Arnold.
+
+As soon as I entered my friend's room Cecilia, said she, if your
+countenance be as faithful an interpreter of your mind as it used to be,
+you have some thing disastrous to relate; you may say anything,
+misfortune and I have been so familiar, I shall not shrink as its
+approach.
+
+Sir George is returned, I replied, you will see him to-day.
+
+Is he come alone, she asked? Alone, I replied. You but repeat my words,
+Cecilia, without adding any thing from yourself. Shall I interpret the
+meaning of that mournful echo? Mr Faulkland no longer lives!
+
+I was silent--Oh I knew him too well, said she, raising her voice with
+energy, to think he would survive this last blow.
+
+His death was natural, said I, for any thing that appears to the
+contrary. God be praised for that, cried Mrs Arnold! _If_ so, I am
+satisfied that he is at peace.
+
+She then enquired after Mr Warner, and her brother, without making any
+farther mention of Mr Faulkland.
+
+Whilst we were in discourse, Master Faulkland ran into the room. He had
+been at play with the two little Miss Arnolds, who were in pursuit of
+him, And he flew to Mrs Arnold to hide him. She folded him tenderly in
+her arms; then turning to me, Look at this boy, said she, he is the
+perfect image of his father.
+
+When am I to go to my papa, cried the child, as he hung round her neck?
+This innocent unexpected demand quite vanquished Mrs Arnold's fortitude.
+She set him down without being able to answer his question, then said,
+Excuse me, my Cecilia, I would wish to be alone for to-day. It was not
+yet a season to administer consolation, and I withdrew.
+
+She staid in London but two days after this; when, as she had before
+resolved, she retired to an estate in Buckinghamshire, which her kinsman
+had purchased and settled on her for ever.
+
+With her brother's consent, she took Master Faulkland with her, and
+prevailed on Mr Price to accompany her into the country, to whom she
+committed the care of the child's education.
+
+Mr Warner, whom she had acquainted by letter with her intention,
+approved of the step she had taken. He returned to England in about
+three weeks after her departure from her house in town, which she had
+left for his reception just as he had fitted it up for her.
+
+Before I accompany Mrs Arnold into her solitude, I shall just briefly
+mention some other persons who were connected with her story.
+
+The relations of Mr Faulkland, as he had foreseen, claimed his estate,
+and at length obtained it, the illegitimacy of the child being proved.
+
+The wretched Mrs Faulkland, abandoned and despised, returned to England;
+but as she was there hated and shunned by every one, she remained in
+obscurity for a few years, and then died unpitied and unlamented.
+
+I now return to Mrs Arnold, who, settled in her quiet retreat in the
+country, it might be hoped would have passed the remainder of her days
+undisturbed by any new calamity.
+
+That only source of true heroism of soul, religion, had all along
+supported, and prevented her from sinking under the most trying
+afflictions. Many and bitter were the sufferings she had already
+endured; but she was, to use her own words, _Set up as a mark_; and the
+deep afflictions that still pursued her, and clouded even her latter
+days with misfortunes, may serve to shew that it is not _here_ that true
+virtue is to look for its reward. I saw her at a time when this
+reflection, as it had been her chief, so was it her last and only
+consolation.
+
+Possessed as she was of an admirable understanding, and an enlarged
+mind, in the deepest solitude she had always resources of entertainment
+within herself. Her natural disposition ever sweet and complying, was
+improved by her sufferings into a patience very rare in woman; and a
+resignation imbibed at first from a rigid education, was heightened by
+religion into an almost saint-like meekness and humility.
+
+I shall pass over the first ten years of her retirement, in which
+nothing material happened but the marriage of the amiable Patty Main to
+a gentleman of a large estate, and the death of her worthy kinsman Mr
+Warner, who bequeathed her his whole fortune.
+
+Miss Arnold, her eldest daughter, was now something more than fifteen,
+and fulfilled the promise her childhood gave, of her being a perfect
+beauty, Miss Cecilia was about a year younger, and though not so
+handsome as her sister, was accounted one of the finest young ladies of
+her time.
+
+With what delight have I seen this excellent mother, while these two
+charming young creatures were all attention, relate to them the
+extraordinary and affecting incidents of her life.
+
+This, said she, I do, not as a murmurer at my fate, nor to move your
+pity at my misfortunes, but to teach you by my example, that there is no
+situation in life exempt from trouble. It found _me_ under the tender
+care of the best of parents, it pursued me into my husband's house. In
+my virgin state, when I was a wife, and in my widowhood, I was equally
+persecuted.
+
+Poverty, I once thought, would have exempted me from every ill, but what
+its own hand inflicted; and had it remained my companion, the bitterest
+misfortune of my love would have been prevented; for, if wealth had not
+accompanied my hand, the world could not have persuaded me to yield it
+to Mr Faulkland.
+
+Do not therefore pride yourselves on the great fortunes you are likely
+to possess: I have received no other satisfaction in mine, than what
+arose from the benefits I have conferred on others.
+
+By such lessons as these, did this tender parent endeavour to fortify
+their young minds against the vicissitudes of fortune, and to teach them
+not to place their confidence in riches.
+
+She dwelt so often upon this theme, that she seemed to have a
+presentiment of those evils, which were now ready to pour in like a
+torrent upon her.
+
+Gracious Heaven! how inscrutable are thy ways! Her affluent fortune, the
+very circumstance which seemed to promise her, in the eve of life, some
+compensation for the miseries she had endured in her early days, now
+proved the source of new and dreadful calamities to her, which, by
+involving the unhappy daughters of an unhappy mother in scenes of the
+most exquisite distress, cut off from her even the last resource of hope
+in this life, and rendered the close of her history still more....
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Here the lady's narrative breaks off, and the editor, not having it in
+his power, after the most diligent enquiry, to recover any more of the
+manuscript, is, to his great mortification, compelled to offer this
+fragment.
+
+
+                     _The END of the_ THIRD VOLUME.
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Notes
+
+Spelling varies and is, generally, retained. However, there were a
+number of errors which involved transposition of characters, as well as
+missing or redundant characters which were most likely made by the
+printer. These have been checked against a contemporary edition, and
+corrected where necessary. The phrase 'to bed' is frequently, though
+not always, hyphenated as 'to-bed'.
+
+Proper names are frequently elided with a dash, of varying lengths. All
+have been rendered as '----' (e.g. V----'s).
+
+
+  p. 4   which [in/it] inculcates               Corrected.
+
+  p. 22  since you went abroad[,/.]             Corrected.
+
+  p. 25  a[im/mi]able of men                    Transposition corrected.
+
+  p. 30  things _are_ b[r]ought                 Removed.
+
+  p. 37  You[r] unknown friend                  Added.
+
+  p. 41  [t/T]hat for his part                  Corrected.
+
+  p. 54  Bi[d]dulph                             Removed.
+
+  p. 56  (begging their pardons[)./,)]          Corrected.
+
+  p. 77  unluck[l]y                             Removed.
+
+  p. 86  likewise[s]                            Removed.
+
+  p. 96  the death of her hu[bs/sb]and          Transposition corrected.
+
+  p. 118 conn[n]ections                         Removed.
+
+  p. 120 to dine wi[ht/th]                      Transposition corrected.
+
+  p. 124 I will swear your hu[bs/sb]and         Transposition corrected.
+
+  p. 127 requ[i]ring                            Added.
+
+  p. 134 r[e]gret                               Added.
+         h[i]mself                              Added.
+
+  p. 136 [i]n her eyes                          Added.
+
+  p. 148 w[i]th sorrow and remorse              Added.
+
+  p. 154 [']Now, as Faulkland                   Added opening quote.
+
+  p. 165 Our route was settled[;]:              Removed.
+         I told her[e]                          Removed.
+
+  p. 176 dis[t]interested                       Removed.
+
+  p. 180 threatened me with death[./,] I
+            should have                         Corrected.
+
+  p. 181 sailing w[ti/it]h an imperial port     Transposition corrected.
+
+  p. 183 qui[et/te] against my inclination      Transposition corrected.
+
+  p. 192 determ[in]ed                           Added.
+
+  p. 200 poss[s]ession                          Removed.
+
+  p. 203 physic[i]an                            Added.
+
+  p. 209 li[t]tle gleam of pleasure             Added.
+
+  p. 214 be[ ]sure                              Missing space added.
+         compassion[a]te                        Added.
+
+  p. 219 intreaties[s]                          Removed.
+         seemed to app[r]ove                    Added.
+
+  p. 228 drank a dish of coffee, but [eat]
+              nothing                           _sic._
+         in our power.[']                       Added missing quote.
+
+  p. 234 you and your hu[bs/sb]and              Transposition corrected.
+
+  p. 237 th[a]t looked like a slight            Added.
+
+  p. 238 mort[g]age                             Added.
+         affir[m]ative                          Added.
+
+  p. 239 pass[i]onately                         Added.
+
+  p. 240 thought _pretended_ illness[);/,)]     Corrected.
+
+  p. 254 satisfact[i]on                         Added.
+
+  p. 258 oc[c]asion                             Added.
+
+  p. 269 ladysh[i]p                             Added.
+
+  p. 271 conversat[i]on                         Added.
+
+  p. 283 should lady Bidulp[o]h                 Removed.
+
+  p. 289 f[ma/am]ily                            Transposition corrected.
+
+  p. 290 possib[i]lity                          Added.
+
+  p. 293 ass[u/i]duity                          Corrected.
+
+  p. 295 [']You have now                        Added opening quote.
+
+  p. 303 [ow/wo]men                             Transposition corrected.
+
+  p. 307 wor[l]dly attachments                  Added.
+
+  p. 315 [']A just reparation                   Added opening quote.
+
+  p. 324 depart[a]ure                           Removed.
+
+  p. 326 behav[i]our                            Added.
+
+  p. 339 I had them both brought [it/in]        Corrected.
+
+  p. 344 pr[ia/ai]se                            Transposition corrected.
+
+  p. 365 circumsta[cn/nc]es                     Transposition corrected.
+
+  p. 378 man[n]                                 Removed.
+
+  p. 385 some[ht/th]ing                         Transposition corrected.
+
+  p. 388 to [live/leave] my children greatly
+             provided for                       Corrected.
+
+  p. 391 exc[e]pted                             Added.
+
+  p. 393 three or four [M/m]onths               Corrected.
+
+  p. 411 When [h/w]e arrived in London          Corrected.
+         I am of your mind, replied your
+            brother[?/;]                        Corrected.
+
+  p. 415 despa[i]r                              Added.
+
+  p. 425 I dare not[,] enquire                  Removed.
+
+  p. 426 stoi[s]cism                            Corrected.
+
+  p. 429 committ[e]d                            Added.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Memoirs of Miss Sidney Biddulph, by 
+Frances Sheridan
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 43437 ***