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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 42068 ***
+
+The Tyranny of Tears
+
+A COMEDY
+IN FOUR ACTS
+
+By C. HADDON CHAMBERS
+
+All rights reserved under the International Copyright Act. Performance
+forbidden, and right of representation reserved. Application for the
+right of performing the above piece must be made to Charles Frohman,
+Empire Theatre, New York.
+
+BOSTON: WALTER H. BAKER & CO.
+
+MCMII
+
+
+
+THE TYRANNY OF TEARS
+
+Copyright, 1902, by Walter H. Baker & Co.
+
+All Rights Reserved.
+
+PLEASE READ CAREFULLY.
+
+The acting rights of this play are reserved by the author. Performance
+is strictly forbidden unless his express consent, or that of his
+representatives, has first been obtained, and attention is called to
+the penalties provided by law for any infringements of his rights, as
+follows:--
+
+"SEC. 4966:--Any person publicly performing or representing any
+dramatic or musical composition for which copyright has been obtained,
+without the consent of the proprietor of said dramatic or musical
+composition, or his heirs and assigns, shall be liable for damages
+therefor, such damages in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not
+less than one hundred dollars for the first and fifty dollars for
+every subsequent performance, as to the court shall appear to be just.
+If the unlawful performance and representation be wilful and for
+profit, such person or persons shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and
+upon conviction be imprisoned for a period not exceeding one year."--U.
+S. REVISED STATUTES, _Title 60, Chap. 3._
+
+
+
+TO
+
+MY MOTHER
+
+
+
+PERSONS CONCERNED
+
+Mr. Parbury.
+
+Mr. George Gunning.
+
+Colonel Armitage, _Mrs. Parbury's father._
+
+Mrs. Parbury.
+
+Miss Hyacinth Woodward.
+
+Evans, _Parbury's butler._
+
+Caroline, _Mrs. Parbury's maid._
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTORY NOTE.
+
+"The Tyranny of Tears," a comedy of the emotions, is most ingeniously
+constructed on the simplest lines; it is a triumph of the commonplace.
+Played virtually by five characters, and with but one change of scene,
+it has that specious appearance of ease which is due to dexterity of
+craftsmanship. It is refreshing, free from theatrical expedients, and
+save perhaps for the somewhat accelerated wooing in Act Four, knots
+which we are accustomed to see snipped by the scissors of an erratic
+fate are here gently untangled by the fingers of probability. The germ
+of it, a matter of fortunate selection, is a human foible so universal
+that if a man is not conscious of it in his own proper person, he has
+not failed to smile over it among his neighbors: that combination of
+fondness and egoism out of which tyranny is legitimately born. This is
+the keynote; it announces itself speedily upon the raising of the
+curtain, and it is never for a moment after obscured by those modern
+subtilties calculated to provoke discussion among the elect. The
+hearer equipped with ordinary experience finds himself listening to it
+with an acquiescent stream of running comment. He knows this alphabet.
+It spells familiar words, and they come frequently. Here are
+commonplaces which he has failed perhaps to formulate; but now they
+flash upon the inward eye with a convincing vividness. This, he sees
+at once, is a picture of pink and white tyranny, the triumph of the
+weak. Domestic life has been caught and fixed at the culmination of a
+strain: one of those dramatic moments when the cord snaps because it
+has been for a long time fraying. One party to the contract has drawn
+up a code and imposed it upon his mate. The tyrant has some piquancy;
+she disarms suspicion because, although a despot, she is masquerading
+as something else. Another sort of bully we know: the buckram female,
+loud-voiced, militant, announcing herself, like the mosquito, by a
+vicious trumpeting. Invulnerability sits on her helm; her armor clanks
+a little while she strides. But this new tyrant wears another mien.
+Behold her! a soft-cheeked, gentle-handed ministrant, who would have
+husbands happy, provided they show the chivalrous courtesy of becoming
+so in woman's way. She knows the rules of the game according as her
+sex interprets them, and it never enters her ingenuous mind that "in
+marriage there are two ideals to be realized." Thus does she make her
+gentle progress, the victim beside her crowned with garlands, but yet
+a victim. She is the arch destroyer, the juggernaut in muslin.
+
+As soon, therefore, as she is recognized, there is a great pricking-up
+of ears all over the house. Few are they whose withers are unwrung.
+Every man among them, primed with his own warfare or that of some
+defeated chum, settles down to the play, and wives follow suit with a
+guilty sense that such things are, though "not, thank heaven! under
+roof of mine."
+
+A sly humor runs through the piece like a warm-colored thread, a humor
+always faithful to those universal traits that make us kin. It asserts
+itself robustly from time to time, once, for a notable instance, in
+the fact that Parbury is moderately well content in his fool's
+paradise until Gunning appears to beckon him out of it. Heretofore he
+has accepted his experience like a chronic indigestion or a lameness
+to which he was born; but now comes another man like unto himself, and
+welds the data of his martyrdom into a cannonball. This man
+generalizes, and Parbury at once perceives that husbands are not the
+victims of special visitation, but of an epidemic. The thing is
+universal. It can be classified; it can even be attacked. He stands
+shoulder to shoulder with his suffering brothers, and makes his stroke
+for liberty.
+
+This is everyday life and the dialogue expresses it; the lines are
+neither too bright nor good for any drawing-room. Here are no
+sky-rocketings to make the hearer gasp at the playwright's cleverness,
+while at the same time they accentuate the difference between his own
+world and the world as it glitters from the stage. It is the talk to
+be expected out of the mouths of admirable yet matter-of-fact persons
+with whom we are quite at home. This is the man you meet at any
+corner, who is living his life as he conceives it, and is vaguely
+discomfited when the pattern comes out wrong. He and his fellow
+puppets are related in the most intimate and delightful way to our own
+cousins and aunts. It is a group of sharply differentiated types:
+Parbury, honey-combed with something that passes for amiability; his
+charming ruler; worldly-wise Gunning, fitted like a glove with amiable
+cynicisms; the Colonel, clad in rejuvenescence like the spring; and
+Miss Woodward, an original piquing to the intelligence of any actress
+ambitious to "create a part."
+
+"The Tyranny of Tears" was first produced at the Criterion Theatre in
+London, April 6, 1899, with the following
+
+CAST OF CHARACTERS:
+
+MR. PARBURY . . . . . . . .  MR. CHARLES WYNDHAM
+
+MR. GEORGE GUNNING  . . . . . . .  MR. FRED KERR
+
+COLONEL ARMITAGE  . . . . . .  MR. ALFRED BISHOP
+
+MRS. PARBURY  . . . . . . . . .  MISS MARY MOORE
+
+MISS HYACINTH WOODWARD  . . . MISS MAUDE MILLETT
+
+The comedy made an instant and striking success, and ran to enormous
+business until the end of the season. It was revived on January 29,
+1902, when the press, previously unstinting in its praise, greeted it
+with a renewed enthusiasm. The _Times_ says of it, at this second
+hearing: "No English dramatist of our time has turned out more
+humorous or more human work than this delightful comedy. Every feeling
+in it is, as the French say, 'lived,' and every word of it tells.
+There is not a false note, no over-strained sentiment, no
+over-emphasized phrase in it from one end to the other. Wit it has in
+abundance, but not in superabundance--wit, that is, that obviously
+belongs to the speaker and does not delusively suggest the author.
+Truth, too, it has, but always simple, straightforward, fundamental
+truth, truth that comes home to men's business and bosoms, not the
+far-fetched truth which costs a headache to master it. . . . The
+_Comic Spirit,_ as expounded by Mr. George Meredith, inhabits it. We
+laugh at its personages and forgive them with an intimate solace, for
+in forgiving them we laughingly forgive ourselves. . . . The whole
+tone of the play is quiet, it soothes, it provokes smiles, chuckles,
+gentle ripples of laughter. It is a rebuke, a kindly, playful rebuke
+to the wild and whirling zealots of theatrical violence. We are
+reminded of the praise which Matthew Arnold bestowed upon the style of
+Addison--'perfect,' he said, 'in measure, balance and propriety.'"
+
+Equally warm tributes to the comedy as an unusual work of dramatic art
+were accorded on its presentation, September 11, 1899, at the Empire
+Theatre, New York, with the following
+
+CAST OF CHARACTERS:
+
+MR. PARBURY . . . . . . . . . . .  MR. JOHN DREW
+
+MR. GEORGE GUNNING  . . . . . . MR. ARTHUR BYRON
+
+COLONEL ARMITAGE  . . . . . .  MR. HARRY HARWOOD
+
+MRS. PARBURY  . . . . . . . . MISS ISABEL IRVING
+
+MISS HYACINTH WOODWARD . . . . MISS IDA CONQUEST
+
+Of this performance Mr. J. Ranken Towse, in the New York _Evening
+Post,_ says: "Mr. Drew played Parbury with his accustomed neatness and
+dexterity. . . . The play, perhaps, may not be quite highly seasoned
+enough with dramatic incident for the great mass of the public, but
+its ingenuity, its simplicity, its truthfulness and its humor will
+commend it strongly to connoisseurs."
+
+It was afterwards given in the principal cities of the United States
+with Mr. Drew as the victimized husband, and met everywhere with the
+same enthusiastic favor. This year, 1902, the play was done into
+German by Bertha Pozson, and it has been given with extraordinary
+success throughout the German Empire.
+
+Mr. Chambers's earlier work lay more in the direction of strong dramas
+such as "Captain Swift," "The Idler," and "John a' Dreams," but the
+comedy of these plays, especially the last, was of a character to
+foreshadow to some extent the praiseworthy achievement represented by
+"The Tyranny of Tears."
+
+ALICE BROWN.
+
+
+
+THE TYRANNY OF TEARS
+
+ACT I
+
+SCENE.--_MR. CLEMENT PARBURY'S study at his house in the neighbourhood
+of Hampstead Heath. The main entrance leading from the hall is C. A
+door, R., leads to the dining-room. A glass door, R.C., opens into a
+garden. The fireplace is C. The room is comfortably and not severely
+furnished. The furniture is made up of "odds and ends" selected with
+taste. The couch down L. is a deep and cosy one; the desk or
+writing-table about R.C. is a large and serviceable one. There is a
+smaller desk higher up, and near it on wall, R., a telephone
+apparatus. The apartment altogether represents the workshop of a
+literary man of careless good taste. There is a touch, too, of
+femininity in its decorations, and a portrait of MRS. PARBURY is the
+only picture on the walls, which otherwise are mostly hidden by
+bookcases._
+
+[_For a few moments before and when the curtain rises the noise of
+street singers is heard. MISS WOODWARD and EVANS are discovered. MISS
+WOODWARD is dressed with severe simplicity in a costume of dark
+colour, with linen collar and cuffs; her dark hair is drawn back from
+her forehead. Her costume, being well cut, does not conceal the
+graceful outline of her figure. She is a handsome, innocent, yet
+determined-looking girl of twenty. She is at the window looking out._
+
+EVANS.
+
+[_Raising his voice above the outside singers._] They wouldn't listen
+to me, Miss Woodward! [_Suddenly the music stops. A pause._] Ah,
+they've listened to Mr. Parbury! [_MISS WOODWARD goes to desk, R.,
+sits._] Mr. Parbury's a very masterful man--outside his house--isn't
+he, Miss? [_MISS WOODWARD favours EVANS with a cold stare, then
+resumes work at desk._] [_Aside._] What an iceberg that young woman
+is! [_Telephone bell rings._]
+
+[_Exit EVANS, L._
+
+[_MISS WOODWARD goes to telephone and takes line._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Speaking into telephone--very sweetly._] Yes, are you
+there?--yes--who are you? Speak a little louder, please. Oh!--Well?
+Yes--I don't know--Mr. Parbury's just coming in now--he'll speak to
+you--keep the line.
+
+[_She returns to the desk._
+
+_Enter MR. PARBURY from garden. His hair is untidy; he is flustered
+and cross. He is an agreeable-looking man of about forty._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Thank heaven, they're gone! This house is a mistake! With the nerve
+force one expends in swearing at street singers one might do some good
+work. Make a note, please--look for house in secluded part of country.
+[_MISS WOODWARD makes note._] And make a note--write _Times re_ Street
+Music; suggest Local Option.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+The _Saturday Sentinel_ is waiting to speak to you on the telephone.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Oh, worrying about the article, I suppose. [_Goes to telephone._]
+Hullo! hullo! [_Gives them a ring up._] Are you there? [_Crossly._]
+Are you there? Well? [_Pause; he listens._] Oh, of course, still
+harping on my article. I suppose that's you, Jackson? Oh, well, if
+you'll keep this confounded telephone quiet, and send a man to clear
+the neighbourhood of street singers, you'll have a chance of receiving
+the copy in half-an-hour. What? All right, old man. Yes, yes. I'll
+send it by special messenger. Yes. Goodbye! [_Rings off, and hangs up
+tube._] That is another mistake--that telephone.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I was afraid you would find it so.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You were right! You are always right! But my wife thought it would
+save me a lot of correspondence and a lot of going out. [_Aside, with
+a sigh._] I always liked going out. [_Aloud._] Make a note,
+please--get rid of the telephone. [_MISS WOODWARD makes note._] [_Goes
+to top of table, R.C._] Now we'll get on, please. I've promised the
+article in half-an-hour. [_Looks at his watch._] They go to press this
+afternoon.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Sits at desk, note-book before her._] Shall I read the last
+sentence?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Please.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Reading._] "The pity of it is that Mr. Theodore Bellevue seems to
+enjoy a positively huge contentment of his own achievement----"
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Thinking._] The pity of it--yes--yes, of his own achievement. Yes.
+[_Walks the stage._] Achievement [_Under his breath._] Damn the street
+singers! Damn the telephone! [_Aloud._] What is it? Oh--ah!
+Contentment of his own achievement--er--er-- [_Dictates._] "One
+gathers from the complacency of his manner--[_Pause_]--that his
+iconoclasm is its own reward--" Er--"What follows in the approval of
+the unthinking--the applause of the uncultured--" [_Pause._] What's
+that?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+The applause of the uncultured.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+"Makes up--makes up--" Er-- [_Pulls his hair._] Er----
+
+
+_Enter MRS. PARBURY, L. She is a pretty, fragile, little woman of
+about twenty-eight, and is charmingly dressed._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I'm not interrupting, am I, darling?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Concealing his irritation._] No, darling, but----
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I'll be ever so quiet. [_Comes to couch, sits L._]
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Yes, I know, dear--but, I fear--I fear you'll be rather bored. I'm
+dictating an article that _must_ be finished this afternoon----
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Oh, I shall like it! Go on as if I were not in the room. But oh, how
+tumbled your hair is. [_Rises, goes to him._] I must put it straight.
+Then you'll be able to think better. There! Now I can see his clever
+forehead again! [_Goes to couch and sits._]
+
+[_PARBURY walks up C. and back, trying to collect his thoughts; then
+he looks at MRS. PARBURY with the wish in his face that she were not
+there; finally he goes over to MISS WOODWARD and speaks in a lowered
+voice._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_At top of table, R._] What was that last?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Reading in a lowered voice._] "What follows in the approval of the
+unthinking, the applause of the uncultured makes up."
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Yes, yes. Makes up! [_Fidgeting._] Makes up-- [_Vaguely._] What does
+it make up? I'm damned if I know what it does make up now? I've
+forgotten.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Looking up at him with discreet sympathy after a glance at MRS.
+PARBURY._] Shall I go back a little?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Please do. Cut the other; it doesn't make up anything.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Reading._] "One gathers from the complacency of his manner that his
+iconoclasm is its own reward."
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Thanks. Where's his article?
+
+[_MISS WOODWARD rises, gives him an open magazine, and resumes her
+seat._
+
+[_After glancing at the magazine, and still in a low voice._] "His
+smug self-sufficiency----" [_Pause._]
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Darling! I can't hear you.
+
+[_Pause. PARBURY'S and MISS WOODWARD'S eyes meet._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Can't you, dear? I suppose I must unconsciously have lowered my voice.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I'm sure you did.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I've an idea. [_Comes behind her and touches her shoulders
+caressingly._] Suppose I finish the article quickly and give it to you
+to read before sending it away?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Yes, do.
+
+[_PARBURY looks at her, expecting her to move, but she doesn't._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Well, dear!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Wonderingly._] Well?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You--you're not going?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Going!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Yes, dear. I thought----
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_With great reproach, and looking as if about to cry._] Clement!
+[_She rises, and with trembling hands begins to gather up her fancy
+work._]
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Relenting._] Don't go, dear, unless you wish to.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_More tremblingly and tearfully._] I certainly don't wish to remain
+where I am unwelcome.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Reproachfully._] Mabel!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I thought I had a right to be where my husband was--that the
+privileges of a wife were at least equal to those of a secretary.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_In a low voice._] Hush, dear! [_Turns to MISS WOODWARD, who has been
+a secret but attentive observer of the scene._] Miss Woodward, would
+you kindly run what we have done into type? We'll finish presently.
+
+[_MISS WOODWARD rises, takes her notes, and crosses to door, L. At the
+screen she pauses a moment, shrugs her shoulders, and exits R.I.E._
+
+[_PARBURY passes his arm round MRS. PARBURY._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Freeing herself._] Oh, no; you wished me to go, and I'm going.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+It doesn't matter now. [_Grimly._] The article hasn't a million to one
+chance of being finished this afternoon.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Why did you send Miss Woodward away?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Frankly?
+
+[_Puts magazine on table, R._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Of course.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Because I hate scenes before other people.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Scenes! What do you mean?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[C.] What! Isn't there to be a scene? How splendid!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[L.C.] I don't understand the humour you are in.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I'm in a capital humour, dear. You've saved me for the moment from a
+savage attack on the work of a man whom I respect and admire.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You mean simply that I've interrupted your work. You will not have
+reason to complain again.
+
+[_Is going._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Wait, dear.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+No, no. There are things one can't get over. Perhaps you can explain
+why it is that Miss Woodward's presence doesn't disturb you, while
+mine does?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Easily. Miss Woodward is a mouse.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I hate mice!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I mean she is a table--a chair--a desk--a dictionary--a something
+useful that is always in the right place at the right moment, and yet
+of whose presence one is pleasantly unconscious. She is a triumph of
+the negative.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+And I?
+
+[_Her face is not turned to him._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Positive, my love--quite positive; you bristle with emotions. When you
+are in the room, one knows it. [_MRS. PARBURY takes out her
+handkerchief and begins to cry. Pause. PARBURY, who has gone to desk,
+looks round inquiringly, then comes down gently and sees what she is
+doing._] [_Aside._] Exactly!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Wiping her eyes._] Of course I quite understand now that you don't
+love me.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Comes to her, concealing his impatience._] But I do! I do!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Oh no, you don't! When we were first married you didn't object to my
+being in the room when you were working.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I admit I didn't _say_ so then; I was younger, and had more patience
+and stronger nerves.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Turning to him with a gleam of anger._] Then you admit you have
+always objected to my presence in your study?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Smoothly._] I admit I have always felt that a writing man's writing
+hours are sacred hours.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+They shouldn't be sacred from his wife.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Gently._] They should be sacred _to_ his wife, dear. [_Slight
+pause._] If you were a writing woman you would understand what I mean.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I'm sure I'm very sorry I'm not a genius, but you understood that when
+you married me, didn't you?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Yes, darling, I quite understood that! [_He appears to say this quite
+unconsciously. MRS. PARBURY turns to him deeply offended, then
+suddenly goes up to leave the room. He quickly meets her, C._]
+[_Taking her hands._] I only knew you were the best little woman in
+the world!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Struggling to free her hands._] Don't, please. I'm going!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Where?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+To send Miss Woodward to you, since you prefer her society to mine.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+But I tell you I'm scarcely conscious of the girl's existence; anyway,
+it was you who brought her here. You may remember I proposed having a
+male secretary.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Yes; to make a companion of at my expense. You were always a man's
+man! If I had had more experience I would have known that by the host
+of men friends you had when we married.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Cheerily._] I haven't them now, dear.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You mean--that I-- [_Struggling to release her hands._] You are most
+brutal. Let me go!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Not while you are angry, dear.
+
+[_Gently forces her into a chair, R.C._
+
+[_There is another slight pause. She is certainly angry, but she
+doesn't attempt to leave the chair. He looks down at her, and lays a
+hand lightly on her hair._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Brushing his hand away._] Please don't do that. I am not a child!
+[_PARBURY takes a chair and sits next to her. Pause._] Perhaps you
+will tell me why you have used your superior strength to keep me here
+against my will?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Taking her hand._] Do you know that I'm very much in love with you?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You in love with me! You don't know what love is! All you feel at this
+moment is the sort of insolent pity the strong have for the weak.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You weak, darling! Oh, come! You know better than that! You can't be
+unconscious of your power!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I really don't understand you.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I only meant to remind you that after all you do always get your own
+way. I'm really very glad, for I'm sure your way must always be the
+best way. Oh, the power and determination of this little hand!
+[_Holding her hand._] Do let me, with the deepest submission, kiss
+"The Mailed Fist."
+
+[_He kisses her hand._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+As it pleases you to be rude to me I shall try to bear it patiently.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I don't mean to be rude. It's my unfortunate way of putting things. I
+kissed your hand because of the real tender love my heart holds for
+you, and for the same reason I put back this dear, rebellious little
+lock of hair which has escaped from over your ear. And what a perfect
+ear! It's as delicate and fragile as a shell, and it's just the
+daintiest pink possible.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Mollified._] I know my ears are all right, though I think you are
+making fun of me.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I think I'm making love to you.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Suddenly taking one of his hands in hers._] Oh, if you only loved me
+in the way I love you!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I love you in a most excellent way.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+But it's different--you don't understand. I love to breathe the air
+you breathe, to hear your voice even when it's dictating a dry
+article, to listen to your footsteps, to watch the changing
+expressions on your face. I live by the warmth your life gives me; you
+don't grudge me that, do you?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Why, of course not, darling!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I love this room because it is yours, the surroundings are yours, the
+atmosphere is yours. When you are out----
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Gently patting her hand._] Which is not often, dear.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+When you are out I always stay here, because here I get most of you;
+even the thin odour of cigarette smoke is dear to me. Smoke now.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Shall I?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Gives him a cigarette from his case on table, and lights it._]
+That's delightful! [_Sniffs the smoke._] But only because it's you! I
+used to detest tobacco.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Smiling._] You dear!
+
+[_Puts his arm around her._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You understand a little now, don't you?
+
+[_Putting her head on his shoulder._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Perfectly!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Rising._] And you are not angry any more?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Was I angry?
+
+[_Rises._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Horribly!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I'm sorry.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Not vexed about the article?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Bother the article. I knew it hadn't a million to one chance!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+And it doesn't matter?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Not in the least!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Then we may have tea in here?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Rather! Let's go the pace.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Goes to him, standing before him, her hands by her sides._] Kiss me!
+[_He kisses her. She throws her arms round him and whispers to him. He
+whispers a word in reply. They both laugh slightly, and he playfully
+pinches her cheek._] Brute! [_She smooths her hair and goes to door,
+L.; turns at door and blows him a kiss, to which he responds._]
+
+[_Exit MRS. PARBURY, L._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Standing for moment, C., a whimsical look on his face._] Dear little
+woman! What a pity she cries so much! [_Puts chair up, R.; goes to
+desk and turns over pages of magazine, still continuing his thought._]
+What a pity! What a pity!
+
+_Enter MISS WOODWARD carrying loose type-written MS. PARBURY glances
+up from his magazine as she places the leaves on the desk._
+
+Oh, thanks!
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Do you wish to finish the article now?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Impossible! Tea will be taken here in a few minutes.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_With a touch of indignant surprise._] Here? . . . Oh, I beg your
+pardon!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Not at all! I said here! [_Throws down magazine, goes up to fireplace,
+C. MISS WOODWARD permits a slight groan to escape her._] Eh?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Nothing, I didn't speak!
+
+[_Sits and bends over desk._
+
+[_PARBURY looks at her suddenly and keenly as though he had never
+noticed her before. Slight pause. She arranges papers at desk. He is
+leaning against the mantelpiece._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Do you know, Miss Woodward, I believe you are more disappointed about
+that article than I am.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I was certainly very interested.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Why?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+It was so strong! I admire strength.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Smiling._] You are not then quite the machine one gets into the
+habit of imagining one's secretary to be?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Meeting his eye calmly and fearlessly for a moment._] I should like
+to be what you wish me to be.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_A little disconcerted._] Humph! [_Stands with his hands in his
+pockets looking at her, while she is busy at the desk._]
+
+[_The door, L., suddenly opens. PARBURY starts almost violently. MRS.
+PARBURY puts her head into the room._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Darling, I've got rid of a would-be intruder for you. I thought you'd
+like to know.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Thank you, dear; who was it?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+A horrid person named Gunning. There's the creature's card. [_Throws
+card into room on to chair by door L._] I knew you'd be pleased,
+darling! Tea in five minutes.
+
+[_Exit MRS. PARBURY, closing door._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Gunning! Not George surely? [_Quickly gets the card._] It is! My dear
+old friend; I wouldn't miss seeing him for worlds! [_Rushes to window,
+opens it, and bends out._] Why, there he is, going across the lawn!
+[_Shouts._] George! George!! Hi! Gunning!!!
+
+[_Runs off, R._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Outside, very distant._] Hullo, Clement!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Outside._] Wait a moment, old chap!
+
+[_MISS WOODWARD goes up and looks through window, comes down, and with
+her handkerchief carefully dusts a photograph of PARBURY which stands
+on book-case up L.C., then looks at the portrait of MRS. PARBURY,
+which is C. on wall over mantel, shrugs her shoulders slightly,
+returns to desk._
+
+_Enter PARBURY and GUNNING, R., through window._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_C., speaking as they enter._] Quite a mistake! I assure you, my dear
+fellow, my wife gave orders that I was not to be disturbed, thinking I
+was engaged upon an important piece of work.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Looking at MISS WOODWARD._] Won't you present me to Mrs.----
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Hastily._] To Miss Woodward, my secretary--certainly! Mr. Gunning,
+Miss Woodward. [_They bow. MISS WOODWARD moves to go._] Don't go, Miss
+Woodward. [_Crosses to top of table, R.C. GUNNING puts his hat and
+gloves on chair, L._] You might very kindly get rid of some of this
+correspondence for me. [_Takes a bundle of letters from desk._] "Dear
+Sir,--I would esteem it a great favour if you would send me your
+photograph, together with your autograph." [_Throws letter aside, and
+reads another._] "My dear Sir,--I have read with the deepest interest
+and the highest pleasure your deservedly successful novel, 'The
+Overthrow of Harvey Masterton,' and feel convinced that if you knew
+the story of my life----" [_Repeats business._] No one can deal with
+these people like Miss Woodward.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Taking off his gloves._] What is your method, Miss Woodward?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+It is Mr. Parbury's--perfect civility, consistent with finality.
+
+[_Sits at desk and writes letters._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Excellent! [_Sits and addresses PARBURY._] I suppose being a popular
+author entails a lot of correspondence?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Awful!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[L.C.] For my part, my correspondence is practically nil.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I have noticed it with pain.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Oh, I'd have written to you, but what was the good of it? I'm not
+literary, and I'm not married.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+And so you've kept away for five years.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+About that.
+
+[_Sits on arm of sofa, L.C._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Five years and three months--for I've been married all that time, and
+you neither came to the wedding nor called on me afterwards.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I was discreet.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Discreet! Damned unfriendly, I call it, considering the years we had
+been pals.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Well, the rest of our old set stuck to you, anyway. What has become of
+them? Take Wybrow, for instance--an awful good chap!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Wybrow, Wybrow--what _has_ become of Wybrow?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Never comes here, eh?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Well, he did a few times some years ago, but----
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I understand--a little too Bohemian.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Quickly._] Not for me, George, I assure you.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+No, no, of course not, my dear chap. Exit Bohemian Wybrow. Then there
+was Carson--one of the best?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Warmly._] Wasn't he a good fellow?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Capital! Where is he?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Married, you know.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+So I heard. You meet constantly, of course?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+No, we met them at Brighton one winter some years ago, but I don't
+think our wives quite--you understand, don't you?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Yes, yes, I understand. You dropped the Carsons. But Burleigh----
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Burleigh--ah!
+
+[_Laughs._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+There was a great spirit if you like; he was your best man.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Yes; he gave me this watch.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Which you still wear. Touching constancy! When did you see him last?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Wait a moment. What is all this interrogation for?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Idle curiosity if you like--study of life if you like. Come, out with
+it, when did you last have dear old Tom Burleigh to dinner?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Almost defiantly._] The day we returned from our honeymoon.
+
+[_Slightly awkward pause._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Musingly._] About five years and six weeks ago.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Of course, I see a lot of him at the Clubs. That is to say, I used to
+when I was still a Club man.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Which now you are not?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Which now I am not! What does a man want with a Club when he has a
+home of his own?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Excellent sentiment; but neither the sentiment nor the words are your
+own, Clement. [_Their eyes meet and they burst into laughter._] I
+know, I know; "and what does a man want with men friends when he has a
+wife of his own," and "the husband's old friends are the wife's worst
+enemies," and "what I say about Clubs is, down with them!"
+
+[_Laughs, sits on sofa, L.C._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Suddenly serious._] What the devil are you laughing at, George? You
+don't presume----
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I--why, of course not, my dear chap. Only now you see how wise I was
+not to intrude after your marriage, not to wait for my congé as the
+other poor boys did! I knew something.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You always did, you brute! I believe you were born knowing something.
+[_Leans on back of sofa._] But seriously [_lowers his voice_], George,
+I assure you she's the best little woman in the world!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Why, of course; it would be impious to suggest otherwise.
+
+[_Exit MISS WOODWARD._
+
+[_His eyes follow her off._] A perfect wife, and a charming secretary!
+You're a lucky fellow, Clement!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Is Miss Woodward charming? On my word, I hadn't noticed it, but I'm in
+love with my wife, you see.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Of course you would be the last to discover that your secretary was
+personally pleasing.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You're a sinister scoundrel, George, and coarse to a fault. Now, tell
+me what you've been doing all these years--shedding your illusions
+apparently.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I've had none to lose since I grew up. I got rid of mine about the
+time of measles and whooping-cough.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+It's a pity.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Not at all. One can't attain the proper philosophical attitude towards
+life while one nourishes illusions; one can never gain perspective.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Great man! How beautifully you talk! I suppose you have quite a nice
+thing in perspectives about with you now.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Pretty well.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+So much for the journey of the soul. What of the body? Where have you
+been?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Round the world twice since I saw you.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+What did you see on the other side?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Just what one sees on this side; there is always a man--and a woman.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I know you were adventuring in Upper India last year, for the papers
+were full of a rather fine thing you did--saved a lot of miserable
+lives--an ordinary, manly, commonplace, heroic, English sort of thing.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Oh, don't mention that; one was carried away by impulse.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+And so we keep our impulses even when we lose our illusions; I'm glad
+of that anyway. [_Then he comes behind GUNNING'S chair, takes him by
+the shoulder, and shakes him._] Old fool! I can't help liking you as
+much as ever!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Looking up with genuine pleasure._] Really?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Honestly!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Rises, puts his hands on PARBURY'S shoulders._] Well, I'm glad,
+because I've often been weak enough to regret not seeing you. As for
+your literary successes, I suppose I ought to congratulate you; but I
+always knew you'd be a great man, because you never bored me.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Drily._] Thanks so much. Now tell me how you found me.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+By means of the illustrated press--interview with Mr. Clement
+Parbury--copyright. The author of the "Overthrow of Harvey something"
+at his pretty retreat at Hampstead--copyright. Snapshot of Mr. Parbury
+at work--copyright. View of the study from the garden--view of the
+garden from the study--copyright.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Shut up! You make me blush.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Forgive me--it's only envy. It's the envious people who call this a
+vulgar age, I suppose.
+
+_Enter SERVANT, L., places occasional table for tea in front of sofa,
+L.C., and exits L._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Now you are to see my wife. How do you imagine her? Large, I suppose,
+with huge hands and feet and a beetling brow?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I'm content to wait.
+
+_Re-enter SERVANT, L., with tea service._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+When you have had tea, you will go away to dress. You will return here
+to dinner at eight.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I think not.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+One moment. You will probably meet only my wife's father, Colonel
+Armitage, and your dinner will be a fairly plain one, but I promise
+that your palate will not be outraged.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I really think not, old man. I remember the fate of old Burleigh. And
+I never even gave you a watch.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+George, you hurt me. [_Slight pause._] Then you refuse?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I make conditions.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+What are they?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+That you come yachting with me from to-morrow till the end of the
+week. I've hired a charming little twenty-tonner, one after your own
+heart--that is, if your heart or my memory hasn't entirely changed.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Enthusiastic._] Splendid! There's nothing I should like so much; and
+I've no special work on hand just now.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Then it's agreed?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Certainly!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Good; we'll drink of the Cuvée 36, brush up our swearing vocabulary,
+and I'll teach you to gain perspective!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_His face suddenly falling._] Oh, the deuce!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+What's the matter? What are you afraid of?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Of nothing in the world!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Slapping him on the back._] Hero!
+
+_Enter MRS. PARBURY, L., wearing a bright smile, which fades when she
+sees GUNNING._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Mabel, I want to present you to my dear old friend, George Gunning. My
+wife, George.
+
+[_GUNNING crosses to MRS. PARBURY. Shakes hands._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+How do you do? I'm very pleased.
+
+[_She gives him simultaneously a cold smile and a stiff handshake._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I'm very delighted to meet Clement's wife.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You'll let me give you some tea?
+
+[_Goes to tea-table; sits on sofa._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Thank you. [_Aside to PARBURY._] She's charming!
+
+[_PARBURY digs him in the ribs. GUNNING goes to tea-table. PARBURY
+sits at desk._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Handing GUNNING tea-cup._] I've given you no sugar.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I'll take one piece.
+
+[_Does so._
+
+_Enter MISS WOODWARD, R.I.E., with MS., which she hands to PARBURY._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Thank you.
+
+[_He reads and signs letters._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Clement, come for your tea.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+In one moment, dear.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Miss Woodward, you will take tea?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Thank you, yes.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_To MRS. PARBURY._] Allow me.
+
+[_Takes MISS WOODWARD'S cup to her, and offers her bread and butter,
+&c._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Thank you.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You've often heard me speak of Gunning, Mabel; we were at Cambridge
+together.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Oh yes, I remember! [_To GUNNING._] You were very great friends?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Inseparables!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I should say so!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Uneasily._] Indeed!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Comes over and takes his tea._] You see, Gunning had been my fag at
+Harrow, and my ill-treatment of him inspired a dog-like devotion. [_To
+MISS WOODWARD._] Let me take your cup. [_Adds in a lower voice._] I've
+an idea!
+
+[_MISS WOODWARD goes to desk; PARBURY follows her to desk._]
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Let me.
+
+[_Assists MRS. PARBURY with the tea service._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_To MISS WOODWARD in a low voice._] I think I can finish the article
+in three sentences. Take your notes into the other room; I'll join you
+in a moment.
+
+[_MISS WOODWARD gathers her notes and exits R._]
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Pouring out a fresh cup of tea for GUNNING._] But of course it's not
+in the nature of things that college friendships, however strong, can
+last always. Time estranges, doesn't it, Mr. Gunning, and fate drives
+people into different--well, different ways of life, doesn't it? Some
+men marry soon. Are you married, Mr. Gunning?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Alas, no, Mrs. Parbury!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+He has too much respect for your sex, dear. Forgive me for three
+minutes.
+
+[_Exit PARBURY, R._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Not married! Well, I should have thought----
+
+GUNNING.
+
+That I'm old enough to know better. I admit it.
+
+[_Sits R.C._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Well, I was going to say that in marriage a man changes so much. He
+becomes more--more----
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Gently._] Respectable?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Well, I wasn't going to say quite that; though, as you suggest it, no
+doubt it is true. I was going to say more responsible. He enters into
+a broader, a fuller life; he gains in nobility, don't you think?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Amused._] Oh, no doubt Clement has improved enormously!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I'm so glad you recognise that. You may smoke, Mr. Gunning, if you
+care to.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Thank you. I'll steal one of Clement's cigarettes if I may?
+
+[_Takes cigarette from box on desk._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Of course Clement was always good and strong and clever. It only
+wanted marriage to--to----
+
+GUNNING.
+
+To perfect him!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Well, I was going to say to complete him; but it comes to the same
+thing, doesn't it?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Quite, quite!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I found my happiness when I married Clement.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+You had been looking for it?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Of course; isn't that every woman's duty?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Yes, yes; and every man's?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Less confidently._] Well, yes, I should think so.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+And one's happiness once found is worth fighting for?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Firmly._] Worth fighting very hard for!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Drily._] Of course. [_Aside._] Poor Burleigh!
+
+[_Lights cigarette._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You, I suppose, have never met a woman who could make you happy?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I have never met a woman whom I was sure of being able to make happy.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Slightly embarrassed._] Oh!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+And, anyway, the state of marriage has always appeared to me to be a
+state of warfare.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Mr. Gunning, you little know----
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I admit the case of you and Clement to be an exceptional one. I'm
+talking of ordinary cases--the average marriage; there you will find,
+according to my observation, an endless war--a war of self-interests,
+a war of opposing emotions, a war of irreconcilable nervous
+organisations----
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Oh, Mr. Gunning!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Viewed from the hill-tops rather a pitiful sort of war, in which can
+be won neither the full joys of love nor the complete glories of
+battle.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Oh, Mr. Gunning!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I remain single, Mrs. Parbury, quite without happiness--except in the
+reflection that I am neither an oppressor exercising a daily tyranny,
+nor a slave rightly struggling to be free.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Of course I don't in the least agree with you. [_The telephone bell
+rings._] [_Rising._] There's some one on the telephone--forgive me.
+[_Goes to telephone box and puts the communicator to her ear._] Are
+you there?--yes--who are you?--the article--yes--no, you can't have it
+to-day--no, it hasn't a million to one chance of being finished. [_To
+GUNNING, with a smile._] That's Clement's slang, not mine. [_Again
+into telephone._] What?
+
+_Enter PARBURY and MISS WOODWARD, R._
+
+I say it hasn't a million to one chance of being finished.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+What? Who is it?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+It's the _Saturday Sentinel._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+But, my dear, the article is finished. [_Rushes to telephone._] [_MISS
+WOODWARD and GUNNING are laughing secretly. MRS. PARBURY stands C.,
+rather confused._] [_At telephone._] Hullo! Hullo! Are you there?
+[_Rings violently._] Hullo--oh! is that you, Jackson? . . . what's the
+matter? [_Rather a long pause. He smiles while listening._] No, no,
+not at all, my dear chap. What was said was, 'It's a million to one
+you'll have the copy in half-an-hour'--eh?--yes, those were the very
+words . . . no, quite a mistake, you don't listen properly. A
+messenger has just gone off in a cab with it. What? Yes. [_Laughs._]
+All right! Good-bye!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Seeing MISS WOODWARD laughing._] I really don't know what there is
+to laugh at, Miss Woodward.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I was only smiling at the messenger in the cab.
+
+[_Folds MS. and puts it in envelope._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Yes, send some one at once, please, Miss Woodward.
+
+[_Exit MISS WOODWARD, R.V.E._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+It wasn't my fault, dear. You know you did use those words.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+My fault entirely. [_Aside to GUNNING._] Have you told her?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+What?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+About the yachting?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Why, of course not. That's your affair, my dear fellow.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_His hand on GUNNING'S shoulder._] Mabel, dear, we're going yachting
+for a few days. I think I want a little change.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Coming towards them, brightly._] Oh, what a good idea! When do we
+go? [_PARBURY and GUNNING look at each other._] Are you coming, Mr.
+Gunning?
+
+[_PARBURY presses GUNNING forward. GUNNING looks round at PARBURY
+reproachfully. PARBURY goes up stage._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Embarrassed._] Well, it's my yacht, Mrs. Parbury, but she's very
+small--only a little tub of a thing; and-- [_Looks at his watch._] By
+Jove! I'll never be able to dress and get back for dinner if I don't
+hurry. [_Gets his hat and gloves, L. Goes up quickly._] I need only
+say _au revoir;_ don't trouble, Clement, I'll find my way out--_au
+revoir!_
+
+[_Exit GUNNING, L._
+
+[_MRS. PARBURY, who is puzzled, sits on sofa._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Calling after GUNNING._] Dinner at eight, remember.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Outside._] All right!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Shuts the door._] Capital fellow, George Gunning!
+
+[_Comes to back of sofa._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+What does he mean by a little tub of a thing? Surely we're not----
+
+PARBURY.
+
+No, dear, certainly not. You're quite right. I wouldn't think of
+letting you run any risks.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Then we're not going?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+No, dear; that is to say, Gunning and I are going.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Rising, aghast._] Without me?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Only for a few days, of course.
+
+[_Laughing feebly._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You are not serious?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Quite!
+
+[_His laugh becomes feebler._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+But--but you never go away without me!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I haven't hitherto, but----
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Well?
+
+[_Appears about to cry._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I've been working very hard, you know, lately. I feel I want a change.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Tearfully._] It doesn't occur to you that I might want a change.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Well, have one, dear. Aunt Martha would be delighted to have you at
+Oaklands.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I don't want to go to Aunt Martha. How would you like to go to Aunt
+Martha?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Suppressing a groan._] What is it you _do_ want?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Quickly._] You! I want to be with you! It's very simple--it's not
+asking very much. If you don't like my being with you, why did you
+marry me?
+
+[_Taking out her handkerchief._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Now, dear, please don't cry! [_Aside._] If she does, I'm done for!
+[_Aloud._] It's only common sense that you can't go knocking about
+with a couple of men in a tub of a boat.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Of course I quite know now that you don't love me.
+
+[_Bursts into tears. Sits on sofa._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_With real irritation._] Oh, damn it! [_Goes up, but turns quickly
+and comes down to her._] 'Pon my soul, you make me almost hate----
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Of course you hate me. Your old friend has done that for me. You are
+breaking my heart!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Who has recovered control of his temper and resumed his natural
+bantering tone._] Not at all, dear. [_Sits at his desk and affects to
+be busy._] I was only going to say that I hated--now, what the deuce
+was it I hated?--oh, I know--to see a woman cry. I do think a woman is
+wise who does her crying in private, and yet--I wonder--they know
+best--millions to one they know best. I must write something about it.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Rises, goes to top of table, R. She is wiping her eyes, her back to
+him._] Of course, you're going all the same?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Affecting great pre-occupation._] Going? Going where?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+With Mr. Gunning.
+
+[_Pause. She continues to cry gently._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Gunning--Gunning!--who's Gunning? Oh--George--yachting, you mean! Not
+I! I'm staying here.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Comes towards him gladly, her arms extended._] Clement!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Eh? Oh, forgive me for a few minutes.
+
+[_Writes._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Reproachfully._] I was only going to kiss you.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Writing._] All right, dear--presently--presently, there's a dear
+girl! [_MRS. PARBURY has a slow silent exit, looking back at him._]
+[_He doesn't look up, but goes on writing. When the door closes, he
+puts down his pen._] Oh, the tyranny of it! The tyranny of it!
+
+[_Slow Curtain._
+
+END OF ACT I.
+
+
+
+ACT II
+
+SCENE.--_The same as Act I. Evening after dinner the same day. The
+room is lighted with lamps, but as it is a still warm evening, the
+curtains are not drawn over the glass door which leads into the garden
+and is open._
+
+[_Enter EVANS, L. He places cigars and cigarettes on occasional table,
+and lights a small spirit cigar-lamp._ [_Exit._] _Voices of ladies and
+a ripple of laughter heard from the drawing-room, and for a moment the
+sound made by fingers running lightly and irresponsibly over the keys
+of the piano. Enter COLONEL ARMITAGE, followed by GUNNING and PARBURY.
+ARMITAGE goes to mantelpiece. GUNNING selects the easiest chair in the
+room. PARBURY goes to occasional table. ARMITAGE is a well-preserved
+man of sixty-five, very carefully dressed--something of an elderly
+dandy._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Cigarette or cigar, George?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Thanks, I have a cigarette.
+
+[_Takes one from his case and lights it._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Colonel?
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Thank you, I'll take a cigar. I think, however, I'll--er--smoke it in
+the garden. Mabel's limited appreciation of tobacco----
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Oh, Mabel won't mind--she's quite educated.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Not beyond the cigarette, I fancy.
+
+[_He strolls to the glass door, lights his cigar, and steps out. For a
+few moments he is still seen, then he wanders away._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Nice old chap, your father-in-law.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Isn't he? I'm quite fond of him. [_Pause. They smoke in silence,
+PARBURY standing at mantelpiece._] What are you thinking of?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I'm not thinking. I'm digesting. I had an excellent dinner.
+
+_Enter EVANS with coffee, &c. GUNNING takes coffee._
+
+EVANS.
+
+Cognac, sir, or green chartreuse?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Cognac. [_He takes glass._] Thank you.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Colonel, here's your coffee.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+[_Outside._] I'll have it out here, if I may.
+
+[_PARBURY takes his coffee and liqueur._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Serve Colonel Armitage's coffee in the garden.
+
+EVANS.
+
+Yes, sir.
+
+[_Exit EVANS, L._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I've wired for the champagne.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Uneasily._] Oh, yes!
+
+[_Slight pause._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I notice the glass keeps up well.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Really? Good!
+
+[_Slight pause._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Yes, we ought to have capital weather.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Capital! [_He is very embarrassed._] If it doesn't rain it'll be
+pretty--er--fine.
+
+[_Drinks. Puts his cup on mantelpiece._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Favours him with a slow stare._] What's the matter, old man?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Nothing in the world. Why?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Oh, it doesn't matter. But I think the change will do you good.
+[_Slight pause._] By the way, would to-morrow afternoon suit you for a
+start?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Standing with his back to the fireplace, looking up at the
+ceiling._] I'm not going, old man.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Indifferently._] Oh!
+
+_Re-enter EVANS, R., from garden, and exit L. Silence till he has
+gone._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Well, you don't seem surprised.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Effecting a yawn._] I never permit myself to be surprised.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Or disappointed.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Oh yes, I own I'm disappointed. I looked for a good time for a few
+days. You were the only one of the old lot available, and you were the
+best of them. I can't bear the new lot. They wear strange colours,
+drop their "g's," and get on one's nerves.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I'm really sorry, George.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Don't bother. One simply goes alone. [_Discreetly._] The calls of
+business are often irresistible.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Don't rot. You know what the situation is.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Mine is one of those poor intelligences that never know without
+information.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I'll supply it.
+
+[_Sits on arm of chair, R.C._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Don't, if it matters.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I will, though it does matter. [_Grimly._] My wife wept.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Unanswerable argument.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Quite. George, what the devil is a man to do?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I knew a man who once interfered between a husband and wife who were
+disagreeing. The husband and wife each got a black eye. The man got
+two.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You might at least talk.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Oh, certainly.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You know the situation.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Well, if one dare say so, I fancy you are suffering from the tyranny
+of a fascinating egoism.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I'm suffering from the tyranny of tears.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+What I can't understand is how a man of your strong nature arrived
+where you are.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I'll make an effort to tell you. To begin with, I suppose I'm fairly
+good-natured.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Oh yes!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Or say, if you like, of indolent habit, which after all often passes
+for the same thing. Then of course I was in love--I am still. One
+drifted. It's so easy to give way in little things--really not
+unpleasant when you're in love. And then there's one's work, which
+fills the mind and makes the little things appear smaller than they
+are. I say one drifted.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Sometimes, if I know you, you rebelled. What then?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Promptly._] Tears! And over such absurdly paltry things! Oh, the
+farcical tragedy of it all! I wished to go shooting for a few days.
+Tears! I fancied dining and spending the evening with an old chum.
+Tears! I would go on a walking tour for a week. Tears! Some one would
+ask me for three days' hunting. Tears! Tears, you understand, always
+on hand. Tears--tears--tears _ad----_ [_Pulling himself up._] No.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Quietly._] No--not _ad nauseam._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+No, that would be too low a thing to say.
+
+[_Goes up R.C. Takes stopper out of the decanter._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Do you know, Clement, I really like you tremendously.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Thanks, old man. Have some more brandy?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+No thanks. [_Pause._] Don't stop. I'm interested.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+That's all. I drifted, almost unconsciously, right up to to-day, for
+all the world like the man in the moral story-book one read as a child
+on Sundays, who drifted in his boat on the Erie River towards Niagara.
+To-night I'm conscious--I'm awake--I can feel the water gliding along
+the boat's keel. I can see Niagara. I don't like it. What the devil's
+one to do?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Get out and walk.
+
+[_Pause. They smoke._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Of course, I shall change it all. I must, but it will be beastly work.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Beastly. When do you begin?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+When occasion serves. I can't go back over this yachting business.
+I've said I'm not going.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Quite right.
+
+[_Slight pause._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Oh, if the _exigeant_ women only knew--if they only knew!
+
+_Enter COLONEL ARMITAGE, R._
+
+Talking of brandies, this is Hennessy '63. Have some, Colonel?
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Perhaps half a glass.
+
+[_Takes brandy and sits._
+
+_Enter MRS. PARBURY, L., from drawing-room._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Miss Woodward and I are boring each other. Shall we come to you, or
+will you come to us? [_GUNNING and ARMITAGE rise._] There, the
+question's answered.
+
+[_Sits on sofa, L._
+
+_Enter MISS WOODWARD, L. She goes to the desk._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_To MRS. PARBURY._] You were playing the piano just now?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Yes, but I play wretchedly nowadays. I gave up practising when we
+married.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+One should never give up an accomplishment.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+You used to play charmingly, Mabel.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You thought so, dear, and that was enough for me. [_She rises and
+crosses to C._] Why don't we sit in the garden? It's a perfect night.
+[_COLONEL strolls off to garden._] [_MRS. PARBURY goes to PARBURY, who
+is standing by fireplace, and takes his arm. In a low voice._] Are you
+still angry?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_As they go out to the garden._] I angry with you! Nonsense. [_He
+pats her hand._] Poor little woman! Poor little woman!
+
+[_Exit MR. and MRS. PARBURY._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Crossing to R.C. top of the table._] Are you not coming, Miss
+Woodward?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+No, thank you. I have some work to do.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+But you seem to me to be always working.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I needn't, you know. I do it because I like it.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+What are you doing now?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Correcting proof sheets of a new novel. It will save Mr. Parbury the
+trouble of doing it to-morrow.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I wanted you to talk to me.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+What about?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Yourself.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I'm not interesting.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+On the contrary.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+What do you wish to know?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+All about you. May I?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Will you go away and leave me to work if I tell you?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Yes.
+
+[_Comes down by chair R.C._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Putting down her pen, and resting her cheek on her hand._] I'm the
+thirteenth daughter of a parson. Why my parents had thirteen
+daughters, I don't know; but I suppose it was because they are very
+poor. We were all given the names of flowers--Rose, Lily, Tulip,
+Mignonette--I can't remember them all--but Hyacinth fell to my lot.
+Why we were called after flowers, I don't know; but I suppose it was
+because we are none of us the least like flowers. My eldest sister
+married my father's curate. I don't know why, but I suppose it was
+because she came first and is the plainest in the family.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Laughing._] Yes, well?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Speaking in an even, emotionless way._] Two other of my sisters run
+a Kindergarten, and one other is a governess. Personally I would
+rather be a domestic servant. The others remain at home, help in the
+house, and await husbands. I fear they will wait in vain, because
+there are so many women in our part of the country and so few men. For
+my part I seized an early opportunity of learning shorthand and
+typewriting--and--well, here I am. Now you know the story of my life.
+
+[_She returns to her work._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I'm afraid it was deuced impertinent of me to ask.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Not at all--only eminently man-like.
+
+[_Pause. She works, he smokes._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+And so you have found your happiness.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Oh no. I've only just started to look for it.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Oh ho! Ambitious!
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Very. Have you ever been poor?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Yes, at one time--had to pawn things.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I mean being one of fifteen in family--large inferior joints to last
+for days--hot, cold, hashed, minced, shepherd's pie--[_GUNNING
+shudders at this_]--too much potatoes--too much boiled rice--too much
+bread and dripping--too much weak tea--too much polishing up of things
+not worth polishing up--too much darning on too little material--and
+for ever giving thanks out of all proportion to the benefits received.
+I wish some one would write the history of a hat or a frock--I mean a
+hat or a frock that has marched steadily and sullenly under various
+guises through an entire family such as ours, from the mother down to
+the youngest girl. What might be written of the thoughts that had been
+thought under such a hat, or of the hearts that had felt under such a
+frock!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Why don't you write the story?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Perhaps some day I shall try. [_Returns to her work._] In the meantime
+you ought to go. You promised, you know. You have nothing more to
+learn. I don't think in all my life I've talked so much about myself
+as I have to you, a stranger.
+
+[_She keeps her eyes on her work._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+You have been engagingly frank. I do hope I shall have another
+opportunity----
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Not at all likely, Mr. Gunning. [_Pause._] Goodnight. [_Still without
+looking up._]
+
+[_GUNNING looks at her, goes up to the window, turns, looks at her
+again._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_At window._] Good-night, Miss Woodward.
+
+[_Exit to garden, R._
+
+[_MISS WOODWARD goes on with her work for a few moments, then drops
+her face on her hand in her favourite attitude._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Soliloquising._] Rather than go back, I--well, I know I'd rather
+die. [_She looks over the pages for a moment or two, then yawns
+slightly; she gathers her pages together and places a paperweight over
+them._] That will have to do. [_She rises, looks off R._] There was
+actually a man ready to take a sort of languid interest in me. Quite a
+new experience. [_She takes up PARBURY'S photograph and speaks to
+it._] You don't take an interest in me of any kind, do you? [_To the
+photograph._] You never will, and I don't think I want you to. But I
+do want to stay near you, because you are so strong--
+
+_Enter MRS. PARBURY from garden carrying the COLONEL'S coffee cup and
+saucer._
+
+--and so weak, and so kind, and so foolish.
+
+[_MRS. PARBURY has come down and is watching her unobserved. MISS
+WOODWARD slowly raises the photograph to her lips. The cup and saucer
+drop from MRS. PARBURY'S hand to the floor and are broken. MISS
+WOODWARD, much startled, slowly turns towards MRS. PARBURY, and their
+eyes meet. There is a pause. Suddenly, with a quick movement, MRS.
+PARBURY snatches the photograph from MISS WOODWARD._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+How dare you! How dare you! [_Long pause. She is almost breathless.
+Then she partly regains self-control._] What train do you intend
+taking?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[R.C.] I don't understand you.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I mean for your home, of course.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Moves as if she had received a blow, and clasps her hands
+together._] I am not going home.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Oh, indeed you are. You don't suppose you can stay here, do you?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Why shouldn't I?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+How dare you ask that when I have just caught you in the act of
+kissing my husband's photograph?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+That was in a moment of abstraction. I wasn't even thinking of Mr.
+Parbury.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Oh! And you are the daughter of a clergyman! [_She goes up and fetches
+the A.B.C. from bookcase, and offers it to MISS WOODWARD._] Here is
+the A.B.C.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Turning away._] I have no use for it just now, thank you.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Then I'll look you out an early morning train myself. [_Sits L._] Let
+me see--[_turning over leaves_]--Carfields, Worcestershire, isn't it?
+Here it is. 7.20. I suppose that's too early. 9.35; that will do.
+Please understand you are to take the 9.35 from Paddington in the
+morning.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Firmly._] I shall do nothing of the kind.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Ignoring the remark._] In the meanwhile there is no necessity that
+my husband should know the reason of your going. You can make some
+excuse. I wouldn't have him know for worlds.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Of course he shall never know from me--but I want you to quite
+understand, Mrs. Parbury, that I am _not_ going to Carfields
+to-morrow. Rather than go home under the circumstances I would starve
+in the gutter.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Well, you must find a lodging till you get other employment. You will
+have a month's salary, of course. Anyway, I'm determined you leave
+this house in the morning.
+
+[_Goes up C. Puts A.B.C. on chair up L.C._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Is there any real occasion for my leaving?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Haven't you sufficient delicacy of feeling left to teach you that?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Warmly._] I don't think I need lessons of delicacy of feeling from
+you. [_Slight pause._] I'm sorry I said that, and it means a great
+deal for me to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry too about the photograph. I
+think it all might be forgotten.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Forgotten!
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+After all, I'm only a girl; and I've worked very hard for Mr. Parbury.
+I think you might be more lenient.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_At fireplace._] I'm very sorry for you, Miss Woodward; but I owe a
+duty to myself and to my husband. You must go in the morning.
+
+[_She moves to return to garden._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Crosses to L.C._] Mrs. Parbury!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Well?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I suppose I ought to be a lady and go, because you, the mistress of
+the house, wish me to. But I don't feel a bit like a lady just now. I
+only feel like a poor girl whose chances in life are being ruined for
+a very small and innocent folly.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Well, what does all this mean?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Fiercely._] It means that I am in Mr. Parbury's employment, not
+yours, and that I will take my dismissal from him only.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Oh, I can promise you that. [_She calls into the garden._] Clement!
+
+[_Exit MRS. PARBURY to garden, R._
+
+[_MISS WOODWARD throws a hard look after her. Then her eyes fall on
+the broken cup and saucer. She stoops, collects the fragments, and
+puts them in waste-paper basket. Then she goes to desk, sits and works
+on proof sheets as before._
+
+_Enter MR. and MRS. PARBURY, R._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Working again, Miss Woodward! Really, you are indefatigable!
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I'm only correcting these proof sheets.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+No doubt Miss Woodward wishes to finish the work to-night, as she is
+leaving to-morrow.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Leaving to-morrow?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I think Mrs. Parbury is mistaken.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_To MRS. PARBURY._] What do you mean, dear?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I wish her to go.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Why?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I can't tell you. It is not a thing you would understand. It is simply
+impossible for her to remain. In her heart she knows I am right.
+
+[_Slight pause. PARBURY goes to MISS WOODWARD._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Are you satisfied here?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Perfectly.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You have no wish to go away?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Not while you wish me to remain.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Do you know why my wife wishes you to go?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Yes.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Will you kindly tell me?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I'm sorry I can't. I've promised. But--[_with a look at MRS.
+PARBURY_]--I don't think that Mrs. Parbury's reasons are adequate.
+
+[_Pause. PARBURY is thoughtful._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_To MRS. PARBURY._] Have you anything more to say?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I have only to repeat that it is quite impossible for Miss Woodward to
+stay.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Well, I have made up my mind that there is something very foolish
+under all this, and I shall not allow it to deprive me of Miss
+Woodward's services. [_MRS. PARBURY looks surprised._] I don't mind
+saying in her presence that she is invaluable to me. I should never be
+able to replace her. [_Sense of relief on MISS WOODWARD'S part._] Now,
+come. [_Looking from one to the other._] What is it? A tiff--a stupid
+misunderstanding? Oh, you women, why will you fuss about little
+things? Make it up, do. Think of "The Roll of Ages." Shake hands, cry,
+embrace, kiss, or whatever your pet method may be. Weep if you like,
+though personally I'd rather you didn't. Anyway, as far as I am
+concerned, the incident is closed.
+
+[_He turns to go._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Doggedly._] Miss Woodward leaves this house in the morning.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Looks at his wife for a moment, then turns to MISS WOODWARD._] Miss
+Woodward, would you be so very kind----
+
+[_He opens the door for her with great courtesy. MISS WOODWARD bows,
+and exits L. He comes to C._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Turning to him with assumed brightness._] Now, darling, it will be
+different. Of course, I couldn't say much before her. You were quite
+right to be nice and courteous to her now she is going.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+But I assure you she is not.
+
+[_They are C. MRS. PARBURY takes his arm caressingly._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+But she is--believe me, she is. Of course, we don't want to be hard on
+her, and she shall have a month's salary and a strong recommendation.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Disengaging his arm._] My dear Mabel, I absolutely refuse to act in
+the dark. I hate mysteries. If you care to tell me what all this
+bother is about, I'll judge for myself what's the right thing to do.
+
+[_Sits on sofa._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I can't--it's impossible. There are some things that men can't be
+trusted to know about. You must leave this matter to me.
+
+[_Sits next him._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+That I quite decline to do.
+
+[_She again takes his arm and talks rapidly, gradually rather
+hysterically, towards the end appearing about to cry._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Darling, do listen. You don't understand. You have never been like
+this with me before. I'm sure I'm not asking very much. You can easily
+get another secretary. Another time you shall have a man one, as you
+originally wanted to. You were right, dear--you often are. [_PARBURY
+rises; crosses to R. MRS. PARBURY follows him._] Darling, do be
+reasonable. I've been a good wife to you, haven't I? I've always
+respected your wishes, and not bothered you more than I could help.
+This is only a little thing, and you must let me have my own way. You
+must trust me absolutely, dear. You know anything I would do would
+only be for your good, for you know that I love you. [_She takes out
+her handkerchief._] I adore you, darling. You must give way--you
+must--you must!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Stepping back from her._] If you cry I shall leave the room.
+
+[_Sits R. Begins to write._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_With her back to the audience, in a low voice._] I wasn't going to
+cry.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I'm glad to hear it.
+
+[_MRS. PARBURY puts her handkerchief away and turns._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I had no intention of crying, dear. [_PARBURY still writes. Pause. She
+comes to desk._] Shall I write out an advertisement for you, dear?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+What for?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+For a new secretary--a man.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+No. My mind's made up. I shall not change my secretary.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Clement!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Rises and goes to her._] Listen, my dear Mabel. Perhaps I'm a good
+deal to blame for the pain you are going to suffer now, and I'm very
+sorry for you; in many ways you are the best little woman in the
+world. I've been weak and yielding, and I've gradually allowed you to
+acquire a great deal more power than you know how to use wisely.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Really, Clement, you must be raving.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Listen, my dear, listen. What's been the result? You've taken from me
+my habits. You've taken from me my friends. You've taken from me my
+clubs. You've taken from me my self-esteem, my joy in life, my high
+spirits, the cheery devil that God implanted in me; but, damn it, you
+must leave me my secretary.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Excitedly walking the stage._] Oh, I understand now. You use this
+exaggerated language, you make these cruel accusations, you work
+yourself into a passion, because you have grown to think more of Miss
+Woodward than of me.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Now you know that to be a purely fantastic interpretation of what I
+said. [_She takes out handkerchief._] I observe with pain, too, that
+you are about to cry again.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Puts handkerchief up her sleeve, controls her anger, and becomes
+very determined._] You are quite wrong. Probably I shall never again
+know the relief of tears. Your callousness and obstinacy seem to have
+dried up all the tenderness in me. Miss Woodward leaves this house in
+the morning, or _I_ leave it to-night.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Coming to her._] Oh, come, come, Mabel, that is too ridiculous.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I'm very, very serious. Please, for your own sake, understand that.
+Which is it to be?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+There, dear, let's drop it now. Don't you think domestic squabbles
+like this, besides being boring, are just a little--may one say it,
+vulgar? Let's go back to the garden.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Which is it to be?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Shrugs his shoulders._] Of course, you know I'm decided. Miss
+Woodward stays.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Very well.
+
+[_She goes to bell L. of fireplace and rings. PARBURY goes up, takes a
+book, and negligently turns over the leaves, secretly, however,
+watching his wife. Pause until_
+
+_Enter EVANS, L._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Where is Caroline?
+
+EVANS.
+
+She's in her room, ma'am.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Send her to me, please.
+
+EVANS.
+
+Yes, ma'am!
+
+[_Exit EVANS, L._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I needn't keep you from your friend, Mr. Gunning, any longer.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I'm all right here, dear; I'm perfectly contented. [_He turns over
+leaves._] There is such a wise passage here. I'd like to read it to
+you. [_She makes a gesture of irritation._] No! Well, it must keep.
+
+_Enter CAROLINE, L._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Caroline, I shall want you to pack a few things for me.
+
+CAROLINE.
+
+What shall you want, ma'am?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I'll come upstairs and show you.
+
+CAROLINE.
+
+Yes, ma'am.
+
+[_Exit CAROLINE, L. Slight pause._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Rising from his leaning attitude against table up stage, putting
+down the book, and coming down two steps._] You foolish little woman.
+You know this is impossible. Be reasonable.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Firmly._] Which is it to be?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_With a gesture conveys that the subject is closed and returns to his
+former attitude._] I think I have a right to ask what you propose
+doing.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I propose going home with my father.
+
+[_The laugh of the COLONEL is heard in the garden. Then he appears at
+the entrance, still laughing. GUNNING appears behind him. The COLONEL
+enters. GUNNING remains at the window smoking._
+
+COLONEL.
+
+[_To PARBURY._] That's really the funniest thing I've heard for years.
+Have you heard that story, Clement?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+What story?
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Story of--[_Then he sees MRS. PARBURY._] Oh, quite a drawing-room
+story, believe me, dear.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Father, I wish to speak to you.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Certainly, dear. What is it?
+
+[_Crosses to sofa, L. Sits. PARBURY exchanges a look with GUNNING._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Coming down quickly._] Mrs. Parbury, I must reluctantly say
+good-night. Your charming house is almost in the country, and I've to
+get back to London. I thank you for----
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Interrupting._] Please don't go, Mr. Gunning. It's quite early, and
+Clement and you, as such _very old_ friends, must still have a great
+deal to talk about.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Taking GUNNING'S arm._] No, George, you really mustn't go.
+
+[_Leads him up to window, R._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I assure you, my dear chap----
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Interrupting._] But I make it a personal favour. Dear student of
+life, stay and observe.
+
+[_They remain up at window._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Dear father, I wish you to take me home with you to-night.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+[_Surprised._] Certainly, dear, but----
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Don't question me. [_Puts her hand on his shoulder._] You love me,
+don't you?
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Naturally, my dear. But nowadays, of course, I take second place.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I thought so too, but I was wrong. Wait for me a few minutes.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+[_Hesitatingly, after glancing at PARBURY and again at his daughter._]
+One moment, Mabel. This is all so sudden.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Father, do you hesitate to receive me?
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Good heavens, no! But Clement----
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Shhh!
+
+[_Puts her hand over his mouth._
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Oh! I was thinking, my dear, that unfortunately there is no mother to
+receive you now. I'm only an old bachelor, and you'll be--er--give me
+a word.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Kisses him, and goes to door, L. She looks across the room at her
+husband, and then whispers to herself._] He'll never let me go.
+
+[_Exit, L._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_To GUNNING._] She'll not go, my dear fellow.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Humph! You think not? Anyway, _I_ must,
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Don't.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+The domestic atmosphere is volcanic, and I feel remorseful.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Nonsense, it had to come. You must see me through it now.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+How beastly selfish you married men are!
+
+[_They come down._
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Clement, I'm in a difficulty.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You mean about Mabel, Colonel?
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Yes.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+She proposes going home with you.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Yes.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Smiling confidently._] I don't think she'll go.
+
+_Enter EVANS, L._
+
+EVANS.
+
+[_To COLONEL._] Your carriage, sir. [_PARBURY looks uneasy._]
+
+[_Exit EVANS, L._
+
+COLONEL.
+
+[_Whistles. Looks at his watch._] I think she means it. I ordered my
+man to wait in the Avenue till he was called. Mabel has evidently had
+him called.
+
+[_PARBURY is thoughtful._
+
+COLONEL.
+
+I don't wish to be in the least degree meddlesome; but, well, there it
+is!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+The question, I suppose, is what's it all about?
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Well, yes. I suppose that's it; although I don't in the least wish to
+know.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You hear, George; what's it all about?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Down R., almost angrily._] Now, how the deuce should I know?
+Colonel, you would be very kind if you would use your authority to
+prevent Clement dragging me into his domestic difficulties. Married
+men have a cowardly way of endeavouring to involve their friends.
+Perhaps you have noticed it.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+I have, Mr. Gunning. My experience of married life extended over a
+period of twenty-six years.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+May one discreetly express the hope that they were very happy years?
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Very happy years, with, however, I must admit, intermittent troubles.
+Mabel's mother was one of the best women in the world, but, if I may
+say so without disloyalty, she was just a little--a little--er--give
+me a word.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Would the word _exigeant_ apply?
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Admirably. Perhaps you have noticed in Mabel the slightest tendency?
+Eh?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Well, well!
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Her mother's jealousy, too, was something amazing. I hope I'm not
+conceited, but in those days I was just a little--er--popular, and
+perhaps I ought not to confess it, a little--er--give me a word.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Human.
+
+[_They laugh slightly._
+
+COLONEL.
+
+[_With affected severity._] Clement, I hope you are not too human?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Quite the contrary, I assure you, Colonel.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Then why--I suppose, after all, it is my duty to ask--why does Mabel
+come home with me to-night?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+She is simply using pressure to get her own way in a matter in which I
+think her way the wrong way.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Gad! they do like their own way, don't they? Well, no doubt she'll be
+more reasonable to-morrow. I think I may trust you.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You may--absolutely.
+
+_Enter MRS. PARBURY. She has put on a hat and a cloak._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Going to GUNNING._] You'll forgive me, I'm sure, Mr. Gunning.
+Good-night. You'll have Clement all to yourself.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Good-night, Mrs. Parbury.
+
+[_They shake hands. PARBURY joins her, C._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_In a low voice._] Don't go, Mabel. It's very foolish.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Softening._] You could prevent me if you wished.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I'm opposed to all violence.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Hard again._] Which way is it to be?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Firmly._] My way, dear.
+
+[_Goes up C. to fireplace._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Alone, C._] Good heavens! He'll really let me go. [_Hesitates for a
+moment, then draws herself up._] Come, father.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Good-night, Mr. Gunning. Good-night, Clement.
+
+PARBURY and GUNNING.
+
+Good-night, Colonel.
+
+[_Exeunt MRS. PARBURY and the COLONEL._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Comes down, a little astonished._] By Jove, she's really going!
+
+[_GUNNING sits. PARBURY stands C., listening. Pause. Then there is the
+noise of a carriage door being shut._
+
+EVANS.
+
+[_Outside._] Home!
+
+[_PARBURY somewhat unsteadily lights a cigarette. He then catches
+GUNNING'S eye. They look at each other._
+
+_Slow Curtain._
+
+END OF ACT II.
+
+
+
+ACT III
+
+SCENE.--_The Rose Garden at PARBURY'S house. A garden table, seat, and
+chairs. The next morning._
+
+[_Enter MISS WOODWARD. She is dressed simply, but less severely than
+before. Her hair is dressed more loosely. She carries a little basket
+full of roses. She places some roses upon the table, which is laid for
+two for breakfast. She plucks more roses and fastens them in her
+dress. Meanwhile she hums an air and conveys the impression of being
+happier than in the previous Acts._]
+
+[_Enter GUNNING, R. He wears a light morning suit, a round hat and
+brown boots, and carries a stick and gloves._]
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Good-morning, Miss Woodward.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Good-morning.
+
+[_They shake hands._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Shall I resist the temptation to pay you a compliment?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Gathering more roses._] Yes, please.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I thought you would say so. All the same, I feel it to be a
+deprivation.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Isn't that remark itself the cloven foot of compliment?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Eh--well, perhaps it is. I'm sorry.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+And therefore unlike you.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Unlike me? What does that mean?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+That it isn't much in your way to pay women compliments.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I hope you are doing me an injustice.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I don't think so. You haven't a very lofty opinion of women as a sex,
+have you?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Pretty well--pretty well; but what makes you think so?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I heard you talk, you know, yesterday afternoon.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Oh yes; one does talk a lot of rot sometimes, doesn't one?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Yes.
+
+[_Embarrassed pause._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Is Mr. Parbury down yet?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+No. But he is sure to be in a few minutes. He is generally early.
+Breakfast, as you see, will be served here. Perhaps--perhaps you would
+rather wait indoors.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+No; I'll stay here if I may. . . . I'm afraid we made rather a late
+night of it.
+
+[_He sits._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Really?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Three o'clock.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+You had much to talk of. I envy people with pleasant memories.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I don't remember that we talked much of old times. I think we talked
+of the present.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Rather hardly._] Then my envy has flown.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+You are right. This affair is rather boring.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Innocently._] What affair, Mr. Gunning?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Miss Woodward, you are a triumph of the inscrutable.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Leaning on chair, L.C._] I'm sure that is very clever, because I
+can't quite understand it.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Quite seriously, Miss Woodward, you interest me more than any person I
+have ever met.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Do you always say that to girls, Mr. Gunning?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+No. Why?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+You ought to. I'm sure it's very encouraging.
+
+[_She picks another rose._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Doubtfully._] Ahem!
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Are you quite sure you wouldn't rather wait indoors?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Oh, quite. I like being here.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+But I'm sure you find it difficult getting down to one's level. I
+often think that the very wise must be very lonely.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Rising._] What an extremely unpleasant remark!
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I'm sorry. [_She sighs._] We don't seem to get on very well, do we?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_With sincerity and coming close to her._] I'd like to get on well
+with you.
+
+[_Pause. They look in each other's faces, both at table._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Will you give me a rose?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+No, Mr. Gunning.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Outside._] Are you there, George?
+
+[_MISS WOODWARD gets letters from table._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Yes.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Outside, to EVANS._] Serve breakfast.
+
+_Enter PARBURY, L._
+
+Good-morning. I hope I haven't kept you waiting. Oh, you are here,
+Miss Woodward. Good-morning. [_Looks at the table._] And you have
+managed to find us some roses. How very kind of you! [_MISS WOODWARD
+gives him letters. He runs them over._] No, no, no, no! Will you
+kindly see what they're all about? [_She is about to go._] Oh, not
+now--after breakfast will do.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I have breakfasted, thank you.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Really! I suppose I'm horribly late. [_Looks at his watch. Then,
+noticing the roses she carries in her hand._] How very beautiful they
+are! Look, George! [_She selects one and hands it to him._] For me?
+Thank you. [_He fastens it in his buttonhole._]
+
+[_Exit MISS WOODWARD, L._
+
+[_To GUNNING._] Lovely, isn't it?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Gruffly._] Yes, it's all right.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+What's the matter? Cross?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Not at all. But, really, you married men are very tiresome.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Oh, I see--wanted a rose yourself. Shall I call Miss Woodward back and
+ask for you?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Don't trouble. I've done that myself.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You have? Ha, ha! [_Begins to laugh, but stops suddenly._] Oh!
+[_Holding his head._] Dear, dear, what a head I have!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+You haven't asked after _my_ head.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Sits at table._] Your pardon. How is it?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Sits at table._] I'd like to sell it this morning. Do you know,
+Clement, I'm not quite certain about that whisky of yours.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I am. It's fifteen years old.
+
+_Enter EVANS, L., with, breakfast-tray._
+
+But you always had a way of mixing your drinks over-night and growling
+in the morning.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Drawing up his chair._] Put it at that, if you like. I do know that
+I always had a way of disliking you particularly in the morning. I
+regret I don't appear to have grown out of it.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I'm so glad. I hate being too popular. [_EVANS offers bacon to MR.
+PARBURY. He pushes the dish away._] Take it away. Have some bacon,
+George?
+
+[_Takes a piece of toast, looks at it, then puts it down._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Thank you.
+
+[_Helps himself to bacon._
+
+[_Exit EVANS, L., with bacon dish._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I must say I think your display of temper is in the worst possible
+taste under the circumstances.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Buttering toast._] What do you mean by "under the circumstances"?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You know what I mean. How much sleep do you think I've had?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I'm sure I don't know. What concerns me is that you detained me in
+this outlandish place--what county is it?--till past three o'clock,
+and then insisted, with alcoholic tears in your eyes, on my returning
+to breakfast.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Tea or coffee?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Tea--no; coffee--no, neither.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Have some hot milk?
+
+[_Offers him the jug._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Ugh! Don't.
+
+[_Takes an egg. Shells it._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Lifts the lid of the tea-pot, then of the coffee-pot, and closes
+them gently with a look of distaste._] No, not this morning. Still, we
+must drink something. What shall it be?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I am your guest.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Perhaps we had better split a bottle.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Please be frank. Do you mean Bass or champagne?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Champagne, of course. [_He calls loudly._] Evans! Evans!
+
+EVANS.
+
+[_Outside._] Yes, sir.
+
+_Enter EVANS, L._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Bring a bottle of champagne.
+
+EVANS.
+
+[_Starting ever so slightly._] Cham----
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Irritably._] Champagne and glasses.
+
+EVANS.
+
+[_Recovering his composure._] Yes, sir.
+
+[_Exit EVANS, L., wearing a discreet smile._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+It's a thing I haven't done for years--taken wine in the morning.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Five years.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Exactly.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+In what I may venture to describe as the pre-domestic period it was
+rather a way of yours.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You mean ours.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Ours, if you prefer it. Where's the salt?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+There it is, right before your eyes. Why don't you look?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Pass the mustard, please. What a good chap you were in those days.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Yes. Strange, you were always----
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Always what?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Toast?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Thanks, I've got some. Always what?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+It's quite pleasant out here, isn't it?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Delightful. You were saying I was always----
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Oh, it doesn't matter.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Of course, being about me it wouldn't matter.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I'm afraid of offending you.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+You couldn't do that.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Well, I was going to say you were always rather sour-natured.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Really!
+
+[_He takes up a daily paper and glances through it, continuing to do
+so while PARBURY speaks._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+And that has, I fancy, quite unconsciously to you, I am sure, a
+disturbing influence on others of happier nature.
+
+[_Taking an egg._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Drawlingly._] Yes.
+
+[_He continues to read._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Take yesterday, for instance. Of course, you didn't intend it. I
+wouldn't suggest that for a moment. But, damn it, look at the result?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_In the same manner as before._] Yes.
+
+[_He reads._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Taking the top off his boiled egg._] Simply deplorable. I've broken
+loose from my moorings. I'm at the mercy of every breeze. I feel that
+I've lost moral stability. Confound it, why doesn't that champagne
+come?
+
+_Enter EVANS, L., with champagne. Pours out two glasses and hands them
+to GUNNING and PARBURY._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I'm not quite certain that for a man like me--[_GUNNING groans and
+returns to his newspaper_]--a man, if I may say so, of generous
+instincts and large sympathies--a groove isn't a good thing, even if
+it be a little narrow. Of course, for a man of your nature, it's a
+different matter.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Suddenly puts down the paper, draws his chair closer to the table,
+and takes an egg with apparent cheerfulness._] What were you saying,
+old man?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Nothing.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Affecting heartiness._] Let's talk about you.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Fingering the rose in his buttonhole._] Dear, dear, how cross you
+are to-day!
+
+EVANS.
+
+Excuse me, sir, may I speak to you?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Yes--what is it?
+
+EVANS.
+
+It's about cook, sir.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+What's the matter with her?
+
+EVANS.
+
+Well, sir, so to speak, she wants to know where she stands.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Looks at EVANS, then at GUNNING._] How can I help her?
+
+EVANS.
+
+I mean, sir, or rather she means, now mistress has gone away----
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I presume my wife has a right to go away for a few days without cook's
+permission.
+
+EVANS.
+
+Yes, sir, certainly. But excuse me, sir; there's been gossip. Emma,
+the 'ousemaid, accidentally overheard something between Mrs. Parbury
+and her maid. Servants is as nervous as race-horses, sir, and cook's
+nerves is particularly sensible. So to speak, dismoralisation's set up
+in the kitchen.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Well, you had better go and set it down again, Evans, and don't bother
+me any more.
+
+EVANS.
+
+Yes, sir, certainly. Excuse me, sir, I was to ask you who cook is to
+take her orders from.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+In my wife's absence, from me, of course.
+
+EVANS.
+
+Not from Miss Woodward, sir?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Staring slightly._] Why, has Miss Woodward given any orders?
+
+EVANS.
+
+No, sir, but cook thought----
+
+PARBURY.
+
+That will do, Evans.
+
+EVANS.
+
+Yes, sir.
+
+[_Exit EVANS, L._
+
+[_There is a pause. PARBURY and GUNNING exchange looks._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Devilish awkward.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+What bores servants are!
+
+[_PARBURY slowly drinks a glass of wine. GUNNING also drinks. PARBURY
+re-fills the glasses._
+
+_Enter COLONEL ARMITAGE, R._
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Am I an intruder?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Good-morning, Colonel. [_He rises and shakes hands._] Not in the
+least.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+[_At back of table, C._] Good-morning, Mr. Gunning.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Good-morning, Colonel.
+
+[_They shake hands._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Have you breakfasted?
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Thanks, yes, but poorly. I didn't get to bed till four.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Nor did I.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Nor I.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+And then I had but little sleep.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+The same with me.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+And with me.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+[_With a touch of asperity._] Your troubles, Clement, you have, of
+course, brought upon yourself; but I think it's a little hard on your
+friends that they should be made to suffer with you.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Hear, hear!
+
+_Enter EVANS with fruit. GUNNING and PARBURY each take an apple._
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+[_Tapping the champagne bottle with his stick._] What's this! Some new
+kind of table water, I suppose.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Champagne.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Champagne at this hour! Well, I suppose you know best how to regulate
+your life. Have you an extra glass?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Another glass, Evans.
+
+EVANS.
+
+Yes, sir.
+
+[_Exit EVANS._
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+It's a thing I haven't done for many years.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I trust, Colonel, you won't accuse me of leading you from the path of
+morning abstinence.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Really, Clement, I think this display of ill-humour is scarcely
+in--er--give me a word.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Good taste.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Exactly! Good taste, considering that we are suffering from the
+effects of your domestic--er--er----
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Maladministration.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Maladministration--exactly.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I quite agree with you, Colonel.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Look at your friend there. If he'll allow me to say so, he's put on
+ten years since yesterday. Look at me! Last evening, I suggest--I hope
+I'm not conceited--I suggest I didn't look a day over forty-seven.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Not an hour.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+While to-day--what would you say, Mr Gunning?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Looks at him critically, then falls back in his chair._] Fifty-two.
+
+[_PARBURY looks savagely at GUNNING, throws his apple on table, and
+turns away._
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+I feared so; but I like you for your frankness.
+
+[_He cuts a cigar._
+
+_Enter EVANS, with tumbler on tray; he places tumbler on table, and
+collects the breakfast things. Pause. ARMITAGE lights his cigar with a
+match EVANS hands him._
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+You haven't asked me if I have a message for you.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Prenez-garde!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Loudly._] You mean about Newmarket.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+[_After a glance at EVANS._] Yes; Allerton doesn't run any of his
+horses. Death in the family, you know.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+So I heard. That will do, Evans. You may leave the champagne.
+
+[_They all keep their glasses._
+
+EVANS.
+
+Yes, sir.
+
+[_Exit EVANS with breakfast tray, L._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Watches EVANS off; then to ARMITAGE._] Of course, you know, I'm
+really most anxious about Mabel. How is she?
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+I think I told you that I was up practically all night with her.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Was she ill?
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Bodily, no. We supped in the kitchen at two. It's amazing how emotion
+stimulates the appetite. No, Clement, her indisposition is of the
+mind. She wept.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+All the time?
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+All the time. [_Slight pause. Then he adds with a sigh._] I had rather
+a trying night.
+
+[_They all drink champagne; GUNNING rises, bends over a rose-bush, and
+hums the air of the music-hall song, "'E 'as my sympathy."_
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+I'm not without experience. Poor dear Mabel's mother, for
+instance--one of the best women in the world--_she_ would cry at
+times, and if she got well off the scratch, she was--er--hard to beat.
+Mind you, I'll be fair; I was much to blame--very much to blame. But
+as for Mabel, bless you, that dear child could have given her poor
+mother a stone and--er--what's the expression?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Romped home.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+That's it--romped home.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Come, Colonel, give me the message.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+I have no message for you. I may tell you, you are not in very great
+favour. [_GUNNING smiles._] You're not well spoken of, Clement.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Oho! Perhaps my wife had a good word for my old friend, Gunning.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+In regard to Mr. Gunning, I think the word "serpent" was employed.
+[_PARBURY laughs quietly; GUNNING becomes serious._] All the same, I
+have a message for him.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Really.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Rising._] In that case, I'll get out of the way. I shall be in my
+study if I'm wanted.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+[_Comes C._] Very well. But I must say, Clement, that I find you, very
+much to my surprise and regret, just a little--a little--er--give me a
+word.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Callous!
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Thanks, yes--callous; and, dearly fond as I am of my daughter, I think
+I have a right to ask how long you intend leaving your wife on my
+hands.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Perfectly reasonable--perfectly----
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Shut up, George! [_He goes to ARMITAGE._] My dear old friend----
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+[_Interrupting._] Hear me out, please. My dear daughter is, of course,
+always more than welcome to my home, but I trust you will not
+misunderstand me when I say that I require notice. Since I regained my
+liberty--I mean, since the death of your wife's dear mother, I've
+drifted into my own--er--little ways. This affair has deranged my
+plans. Without being indiscreet, I may tell you that I've had to send
+telegrams.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Deuced hard lines!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Send her back to me, Colonel. Consult at once your happiness and mine
+by using your authority. Tell her that cook is in revolt, and that
+Evans is impertinent. Tell her that I only want my own way when I know
+I am absolutely right, as in this case. And above all, tell her that I
+prefer her society to that of a second-class cynic who bellows for
+champagne at ten o'clock in the morning.
+
+[_Exit PARBURY, L._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+In regard to your son-in-law, Colonel, you have my respectful
+sympathy.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+A good fellow, but inconsiderate. [_He lowers his voice._] I may tell
+you in confidence, Gunning, that I had been looking forward to keeping
+a rather pleasant appointment to-night----
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Falling into the confidential manner._] Really!
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Yes, rather pleasant--rather pleasant.
+
+[_He takes a miniature from his pocket and looks at it._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Leaning towards him._] Might one venture to----
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+[_Keeping the miniature away from him._] Oh, no, no, no, no--wouldn't
+be fair. Oh, no. Besides, you might know her hus--you might--er----
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Yes, yes, of course; one can't be too discreet.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+[_Quickly._] Not, mind you, that there's anything the whole world
+mightn't know, only she--er--she's not happy at home, and a quiet
+evening at a theatre--you understand?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Quite, quite!
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Now you, my dear fellow, can do me a friendly turn.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I should be delighted to, but--I don't see----
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+I'll explain. My daughter wishes to see you. She seems to think that
+you hold the key of the situation.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+But I don't. I should very much object to.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Never mind--never mind! See her and do your utmost to make it up
+between her and Clement.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+It's no business of mine.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+To put it bluntly, I shall not be able to keep my appointment to-night
+if I still have my daughter on my hands.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+That would be a pity.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+In which case my friend will be vexed--_very vexed._ I should have
+mentioned that on her mother's side my friend is Spanish.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Smiling. Shakes hands._] That decides me. Where is your daughter
+now?
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+She's there, my boy, quite close. We walked over the heath together.
+One moment. [_He brings a chair forward._] Would you kindly lend me
+your arm? [_With GUNNING'S assistance he mounts a chair, then he
+raises his hat on his stick._] That's the signal the coast is clear.
+Trust an old campaigner. There she is! I say, put that wine away!
+[_GUNNING puts the bottle under table up L.C., and places the glasses
+on table and covers them over with serviette._] It's all right! Thank
+you, thank you! [_As GUNNING helps him down._] Remember, my dear
+fellow, that I've trusted you implicitly. My happiness is in your
+hands. If we men didn't stand shoulder to shoulder in these little
+matters, society would--er--would----
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Crumble to dust.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Exactly.
+
+_Enter MRS. PARBURY, R. Advancing cautiously, she bows very stiffly to
+GUNNING, who takes his hat off._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Good-morning, Mrs. Parbury.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Coldly._] Good-morning.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Well, I'll leave you. There's nothing further I can do for you at
+present, dear?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You might stay in the garden and give me a signal if Clement is
+coming. I have no intention of meeting him under the circumstances.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+Very well, I'll give you an unmistakable signal. "I'll sing thee songs
+of Araby."
+
+[_Exit ARMITAGE, L._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Grimly._] Well, Mr. Gunning, I hope you're satisfied with your work.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+My work, Mrs. Parbury--come, come!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Oh, I hope you won't dispute that. Clement and I were living together
+in perfect harmony, in perfect happiness, until you turned up
+yesterday.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Like a bad penny, eh?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I was going to say like the snake in the garden.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Better still. Our conversation doesn't open propitiously. Don't you
+think it would conduce to the comfort of us both if we didn't pursue
+it any further?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Isn't that a little cowardly?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I acknowledge cowardice in regard to other people's affairs.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Yesterday you were a hero.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Believe me, Mrs. Parbury, you are mistaken. I didn't interfere in any
+way.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You did worse.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+How?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You sneered.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Really, Mrs. Parbury, I----
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You aired opinions to me--pernicious opinions. I have a right to
+assume that you aired the same opinions to Clement, over whom you have
+some sort of influence.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Not, I think, a good influence, Mr. Gunning. I've been thinking things
+over since midnight. Hitherto I've been obliged to think very little
+of serious things. Perhaps trouble sharpens the intelligence. I've
+discovered that your influence over Clement is the influence of
+ridicule--the ridicule of the untamed for the tamed.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Say of the disreputable for the respectable, if you like, Mrs.
+Parbury.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Thank you. That quite expresses my present opinion. Of course it is in
+your power at least to modify it.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I should be grateful if you would show me the way.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You are not sincere.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+'Pon my word, I am. [_MRS. PARBURY raises her hand protestingly._] No,
+but really--I assure you, dear Mrs. Parbury--I'm not nearly such a bad
+fellow as you think. What can I do?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Something--_anything_ to remove Miss Woodward from this house.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Miss Woodward! What has she to do with your quarrel with Clement?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Everything. Sit down. [_He does so. She makes sure that they are
+unobserved, then takes a chair next him._] Mr. Gunning, strange as it
+may appear after all that has occurred, I am going to trust you.
+
+[_Lowering her voice._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+You are very good.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+That wretched girl is in love with Clement.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Starting from his chair as if shot._] What!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Sit down! Sit down!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Miss Woodward is in love with----
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Sit down, _please,_ Mr. Gunning.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Laughs--sitting._] No, no, no; I simply can't believe it.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Why not?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+It seems such a monstrous absurdity.
+
+[_Laughs._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Drawing herself up._] I see nothing monstrously absurd in any one
+falling in love with my husband. I did!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Oh, of course--a charming chap; but she's such an original girl.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Indignant._] You infer that I am not?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Not at all, Mrs. Parbury. You are really most interesting.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I don't think you are very tactful.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I'm a boor--a perfect boor.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You appear to take an interest in Miss Woodward.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Confused._] Only the interest of the student. I still think you must
+be mistaken.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Emphatically._] I caught her in the act of kissing his photograph.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+You saw her-- [_Laughs._] My dear Mrs. Parbury, a day-dream!
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+A fact. When pressed, she didn't deny it.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Does Clement know?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+No; I thought it wise not to tell him.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Heartily._] You were right--very right.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I'm glad you think so.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Some men are so weak.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Drawing herself up again._] Mr. Gunning!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+So easily flattered.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_With more emphasis._] Mr. Gunning!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+In nine cases out of ten it's vanity that leads men astray.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_With growing wrath._] Mr. Gunning, we are speaking of my husband.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Yes, yes, dear old Clement has his share of vanity, of course.
+[_Aside._] Damn him!
+
+[_Rises and goes L._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Rising indignantly._] How dare you speak like that of my husband! A
+less vain man doesn't exist, and what small faults he has concern only
+him and me--and not you in any way.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I beg ten thousand pardons, Mrs. Parbury. Of course you know Clement
+far better than I do. Please don't go.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I shall certainly not remain to hear my husband abused.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+But I assure you----
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Crosses to L._] Clement vain indeed!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+No, no; a mistake. Do sit down again.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Crosses to R.C._] You might, with advantage, look for vanity nearer
+home, Mr. Gunning.
+
+MR. GUNNING.
+
+Perfectly true, perfectly true.
+
+[_He places her chair for her._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+As for the sort of weakness you were good enough to credit my husband
+with----
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Nothing but a slip of the tongue. Do sit down.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+No doubt you have accustomed yourself to judging other men from your
+own standpoint.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+That's it; quite true! You are always right. Won't you sit?
+
+[_She sits. He sighs with relief, then takes a chair himself._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+What do you propose?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I'm waiting for a suggestion from you.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+This brazen hussy----
+
+GUNNING.
+
+That expression seems to me to be unnecessarily harsh, Mrs. Parbury.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Oh, of course, if you defend the girl----
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Pardon me, but I have an old-fashioned prejudice against speaking ill
+of the absent.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I didn't observe it when you spoke of my husband.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Laughing._] Fairly hit. Come, let's be practical. Miss Woodward must
+not remain in the house, and Clement must not know the truth. On these
+points we are quite agreed.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Quite.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Very well. I'll see Clement. I have an idea.
+
+[_Rises._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Rises._] You'll not tell him you've seen me.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Certainly not.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Remember above all, it's most important to our future happiness that
+Clement should be the first to give way.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Oh, I'll remember that.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+And, Mr. Gunning, if you succeed I'll try to forget the mischief
+you've created, and will ask you to come and see us--[_shakes hands
+with him_]--occasionally.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Thank you so much.
+
+[_Voice of COLONEL ARMITAGE outside singing "I'll sing thee songs of
+Araby."_
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+That's father's signal. I am going to walk on the heath. I'm far too
+proud to allow myself to be discovered by Clement here. He might think
+I want to come back.
+
+[_Exit MRS. PARBURY, R._
+
+[_Voice of ARMITAGE, still singing, comes nearer until he enters with
+PARBURY, with the words "or charm thee to a tear." Unseen by PARBURY,
+GUNNING points out to the COLONEL the direction in which MRS. PARBURY
+has gone._
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+[_In a low voice, to GUNNING._] Will it be all right?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I hope so.
+
+ARMITAGE.
+
+[_Going R._] Well, I'll finish my constitutional. I'll look in again,
+Clement, in the hope that you will then be able to tell me how long
+this extremely uncomfortable state of affairs is to last.
+
+[_Exit ARMITAGE, R., singing until he is well off._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Give me a cigarette, George.
+
+[_GUNNING hands him a cigarette, then takes a cigarette himself. They
+both smoke. There is a short silence._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Not a stroke of work. It's absurd!
+
+[_Throws cigarette on ground in a rage._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+You are not happy?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Not particularly.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Then how can you expect to do imaginative work?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Quite so!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I'm afraid you've made a mistake, old chap.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Eh?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+You know I'm your friend.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Of course.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Apart from all chaff.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Yes, yes.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Well, you've gone too far.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Looks at him._] You think so?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Yes. By a petulant discontent you've precipitated an awkward crisis.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You see it now in that light.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Yes. I've been thinking things over, Clement. [_Sits on front of
+table, C._] After all, the love of a good woman is a priceless
+possession.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You appear to have dropped into the platitudinous.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_With much gravity._] Don't jest, old man, over so sacred a thing.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_After eyeing GUNNING keenly for a moment._] You have changed your
+views since yesterday.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Only the unimaginative never change their views.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You think, then, I've been wrong?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Very!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I should have gone on putting up with the existing conditions?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+They might have been worse.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Submitting to the old tyranny?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+A wholesome discipline, believe me.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+What of our spoilt yachting cruise?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I ought never to have proposed it. Think what a loving wife must
+suffer under the circumstances--lying awake at night listening to the
+wind howling in the chimneys and sobbing in the trees. It doesn't bear
+thinking of.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Quite so--quite so! And about our dear old friends whom I was obliged
+to drop. You may remember you made some very strong comments on my
+weakness yesterday.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I was hasty. I admit it.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Wybrow, for instance--an awful good chap.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+A tavern wit--a Johnsonian spirit--eminently out of place on the
+domestic hearth.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Well, take Carson--one of the best.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Foolishly married a woman your wife couldn't get on with. You admitted
+it.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+But Burleigh--a truly great spirit--your own words.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Burleigh? It isn't because a man gives you a watch that you need
+thrust him down your wife's throat, is it?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+What an old fraud you are, George!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Not at all. One sees things more clearly in the morning.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Well, since you've resigned your attitude of nonintervention, what do
+you advise?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Discreet surrender.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I'm to send for my wife?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Exactly.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Unconditionally?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Of course. Why impose conditions on a weak, loving, trusting woman?
+[_Going to him._] Damn it all, old man, show a little heart.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You know it means the sacrifice of my secretary?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Well?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Well?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_A little embarrassed; he drops his cigarette and places his foot on
+it._] It's obvious that Miss Woodward can't stay on here in your
+wife's absence.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I've thought of that.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+You heard what Evans said. The servants are talking already--and if
+the servants are talking this morning the neighbours will be talking
+this afternoon, and the entire north-west of London by the evening.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Quite true--quite true!
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I suppose you don't wish to compromise the girl?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Certainly not--certainly not! [_He goes slowly over to GUNNING, and
+looks him in the face, smiling._] And so that's your secret.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+What do you mean?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+All this solicitude for my happiness--this sudden change of your point
+of view--this miraculous conversion of the cynic into the
+peacemaker--all inspired by a pair of blue eyes. An arrow from Cupid's
+bow has winged its way into this wooden heart--[_Tapping GUNNING'S
+chest_]--and "Earth has won her child again," as Goethe puts it.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Don't talk rot!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Don't be offended. I like it. It pleases me. Think of it! One dull
+evening in a suburban home, one morning's encounter in a rose-garden,
+and the thing's done--the sage melts into the man, the onlooker into
+the soldier. I tell you I like it. It's so natural, so human--so
+splendidly unlike you. Let me help. What can I do? She's coming here
+now with some letters for me to sign. "Were it ever so airy a tread,
+your heart would hear her and beat." Isn't it so? Shall I speak to her
+for you? Better still, shall I leave you alone together?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Fixing his hat on more firmly and taking his stick._] I'm going. You
+bore me.
+
+_Enter MISS WOODWARD, L. She carries some typewritten letters and pen
+and ink. She goes to the table and stands waiting for PARBURY._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+One moment, old man. [_He looks in GUNNING'S face, then speaks in a
+lower voice._] Don't let it pass unrecorded. You have permitted
+yourself a blush.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Trying to pass him._] Don't be an idiot.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Restraining him._] It's a beautiful, touching truth. The
+philosopher--the man who has gained perspective--the student who sits
+perched on a lofty ledge and looks down pityingly on the rest of us,
+is actually blushing--blushing a poor, simple, human blush!
+
+[_Laughs loudly._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Go to the devil!
+
+[_Exit GUNNING, R._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Turning to MISS WOODWARD. He goes to her._] Forgive my laughter,
+Miss Woodward, but it isn't often one surprises a philosopher in a
+blush. Now, let us see! [_He sits and takes the letters. MISS WOODWARD
+remains standing by him. He reads. Interrupting himself after a
+moment, he laughs slightly._] Dear old George! [_He continues reading,
+then signs the letter. He looks over another and says "Excellent!" and
+signs it. Then he quickly signs the other letters, sits back in his
+chair, and says_] Thank you! [_MISS WOODWARD gathers up the letters._]
+I'm afraid that's all the work I can do to-day. I'd like to have gone
+on with the novel, but it seems the mood won't come.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I'm very sorry.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+The day is out of joint.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I wish I could do something.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+No, no, don't you trouble. It'll all come right presently. By the way,
+what a good fellow Gunning is!
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Is he?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Don't you think so?
+
+[_Looking at her._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I've seen so little of him; but I'm sure he must be if you think so.
+
+[_She is going, L._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Wait one moment, Miss Woodward. I know there was something else I
+wanted to say to you. [_She comes back._] [_He rises and paces stage
+thoughtfully._] Oh, yes; I know! I'm afraid my domestic complications
+have made things a little uncomfortable for you here.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Astonished, drops the letters on the table._] I don't--don't
+understand.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I mean that you probably feel it rather awkward to actually
+live--night and day in the house in my wife's absence?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Blankly._] Oh, yes, yes; quite I suppose.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Not looking at her._] I don't know much about these matters; but I
+do know that you women are very sensitive, and apt to worry about what
+people might say.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_In the same manner as before._] Yes--of course.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I thought so. Well, it has occurred to me that perhaps under present
+circumstances it would be better if----
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+You mean for me to go away.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Yes.
+
+[_Pause._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_In a low voice._] If I had been wiser I would have expected it.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I mean, of course, to sleep only. Mrs. Howlands at Parkhurst House
+just down here lets some of her rooms I know, and probably she has a
+vacant bedroom now. I'll send down presently and see what can be done.
+In fact, I'll send Evans now.
+
+[_Is about to go L._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Mr. Parbury!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Stopping._] Yes.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Don't send, please.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Oh, I see; you would rather go yourself.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I would rather go altogether.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Amazed._] You would rather go altogether!
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I mean I _will_ go altogether.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Miss Woodward, what is this for? What have I done?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Nothing that hasn't been perfect kindness to me.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Then why wish to go now? I know I can't expect to have you always,
+because you will some day get married.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I shall never get married.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Nonsense! Of course you will, and the man who gets you will, in my
+opinion, be a very lucky fellow; but until that day I certainly looked
+forward to having the benefit of your services.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I'm sorry if I disappoint you. Please forgive me and let me go.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+But really, Miss Woodward, I must beg for some sort of explanation.
+Last night you acknowledged you were perfectly satisfied. You wished
+to remain.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+You have unconsciously shown me to-day that I was wrong.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Indeed! I would be glad to know how. Oh, how weary one gets of
+mysteries! [_MISS WOODWARD'S head droops lower._] [_He walks the
+stage, then looks at MISS WOODWARD and pauses; he goes to her and
+speaks more gently._] I beg your pardon, I fear I spoke impatiently.
+Do understand that I only wish for your own good. I admit in our
+relations I've hitherto been rather selfish. I'm afraid writing men
+are prone to be so. I've allowed you to study my wishes and feelings
+and nerves all the time, without giving any thought to yours. I'll try
+to be more considerate in the future if you'll only regard me as an
+elder brother and tell me what is troubling you now.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm ashamed that you should worry about me at
+all.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Is it anything to do with Mr. Gunning?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Nothing at all. How could it be?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Miss Woodward, I don't like to press you, but this general cloud of
+mystery is seriously affecting my nerves. At least tell me--I make it
+a personal favour--the cause of the quarrel between my wife and you.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+It's impossible! Mrs. Parbury may tell you after I've gone. I'd rather
+you despised me then than now.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Wonderingly._] Despise you?
+
+[_Their eyes meet. Pause._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Passionately._] Please don't--don't even try to guess.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_The light breaking in on him slowly._] I think I understand.
+
+[_MISS WOODWARD turns up stage and stands with head bowed, her back to
+the audience. There is a long pause. At first PARBURY doesn't appear
+ill-pleased. He looks down at the rose in his buttonhole, and begins
+to raise it half-tenderly to his face. Then his face becomes grave,
+and he slowly removes the flower from his coat, and places it on the
+table against which MISS WOODWARD is standing. He takes one of her
+hands._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I don't ask anything--I don't guess anything, my dear child--my little
+sister. I was wrong to press you to tell me your trouble; for what
+could a hardened, rough-natured man do with the secrets of a young
+girl's heart?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Don't speak like that; only say that I may go.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Yes.
+
+[_Goes up C._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Thank you.
+
+[_Sees the rose where he has placed it. After a slight pause she takes
+it up. During the following, she slowly picks it to pieces, dropping
+the petals on the ground._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Coming down to back of table and speaking very gently._] I suppose
+there must soon come a time to every girl of heart who goes out alone
+into the world--a time when life seems to press hardly upon her and
+weariness of the unaccustomed stress makes her heart falter, and when
+she longs to take rest for a time in the old childhood, in the home
+she perhaps once thought to be dull and dreary, in the mother's arms
+that have always been ready to open with love for her.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Don't!
+
+[_Sinks into chair, R.C.; buries her face in her hands._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Perhaps you feel that that time has come now. If so, go home for a
+little while, and get rest and fresh strength for the battle of life.
+Come back to the fight soon. You are bound to succeed, because you
+have talent and ambition and courage. [_Slight pause. He takes her
+hand._] Don't cry. There is nothing you have lost or suffered yet
+quite worth a tear--
+
+_Enter MRS. PARBURY, R., GUNNING, and ARMITAGE._
+
+--nothing quite worth a tear. [_He is bending towards her._]
+
+[_MRS. PARBURY, who is slightly in advance of ARMITAGE and GUNNING,
+stops near MISS WOODWARD and PARBURY, brought up short by seeing their
+intimate position. PARBURY draws back from MISS WOODWARD, who remains
+upright and motionless. GUNNING and ARMITAGE, who exchange glances,
+remain L. MISS WOODWARD crosses L. to go._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_In a low voice, speaking slowly, with deep emotion._] I suppose--I
+have still a right to ask--for some explanation?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Of what, dear?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Of this familiarity.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You shouldn't mistake sympathy for familiarity. I was only giving Miss
+Woodward some advice about her affairs.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+What affairs?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I said _her_ affairs, dear, not ours.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+If that is all the explanation----
+
+[_Turns away L._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Mr. Parbury very kindly and very properly advised me to go home for a
+time--[_She comes down to MRS. PARBURY and speaks to her alone_]--and
+I--I descended to your level--I cried!
+
+_Quick Curtain._
+
+END OF ACT III.
+
+
+
+ACT IV
+
+SCENE.--_Same as Acts I. and II._
+
+_Same day as Act III._
+
+[_Upon the curtain rising, MISS WOODWARD is discovered at the desk. A
+luncheon gong is immediately heard. MISS WOODWARD looks up and listens
+for a moment, then shrugs her shoulders and resumes her work. She
+opens a drawer of the desk, glances at its contents, and then
+writes._]
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Writing._] Drawer four. Reviews favourable of "Harvey Masterton." In
+top corner, tied in bundle, reviews unfavourable. [_She closes and
+locks that drawer and unlocks another, into which she looks.
+Writing._] Drawer five. Proof sheets of new novel corrected to page
+180. At back, accounts with publishers. [_The luncheon gong is struck
+again. She opens another drawer, looks into it for a moment, turns
+over its contents, then shrugs her shoulders and writes._] A variety
+of photographs of Mrs. Parbury and two packets of letters marked
+"Private." How touching! [_She closes the drawer with a bang, and
+opens another._]
+
+_Enter EVANS, L._
+
+EVANS.
+
+[C.] Excuse me, Miss, but have you heard the luncheon gong?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Yes, thank you.
+
+EVANS.
+
+It's been struck twice, specially for you, Miss.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Who told you to strike it the second time?
+
+EVANS.
+
+Mr. Parbury, Miss.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+And who sent you now?
+
+EVANS.
+
+Mrs. Parbury asked me to tell you they're at lunch. They're the only
+words that's been spoken since they sat down. It's rather trying to
+the nerves, Miss, waiting on people that only open their mouths to
+eat.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+You will please say that I don't wish any lunch.
+
+EVANS.
+
+Yes, Miss.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Has Emma packed my things?
+
+EVANS.
+
+She's packing them now, Miss.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Glancing at an A.B.C. which is on the desk._] Will you please order
+a cab for me at--let me see--[_consulting the book_]--four-twenty--say
+at half-past three.
+
+EVANS.
+
+Yes, Miss. Excuse me, Miss, but we're all very sorry you're
+going--particularly cook. Cook's very strong in her attachments.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Looking into a drawer._] It's very kind of cook.
+
+EVANS.
+
+Cook's words was, "This'll be a dull 'ouse when the little sunbeam's
+gone."
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+That will do, Evans.
+
+EVANS.
+
+Excuse me, Miss, it was meant kindly. We was all on your side in this
+embroglo.
+
+[_A pause. MISS WOODWARD is obstinately silent, and goes on working._
+
+EVANS.
+
+Can't I get you something, Miss?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Yes; ask cook to kindly make me a sandwich, and I'll have a glass of
+beer.
+
+EVANS.
+
+Sandwich of mutton or 'am, Miss?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Ham, please. [_Exit EVANS, L._] It's sure to be cold mutton to-night.
+[_She writes._] Old manuscripts. [_Closes drawer._] There, that's all
+in order for him. [_Rises._] I know there are some books of mine here.
+I may as well have them. [_Goes towards book-shelves, but stops when
+she comes to the occasional table on which is the photo of MR.
+PARBURY. She stretches out her hand and takes the photograph gingerly.
+Then she looks round to see if she is observed, with to herself an
+affectation of fear._] Poor thing! Was it outraged by a kiss! What a
+shame! But it's all right now! [_Puts it back with care._] No one
+shall hurt it. It's perfectly safe--perfectly safe. [_She goes to
+book-shelf._] Keats--mine. [_Takes a volume._] Matthew Arnold--mine.
+
+_Enter EVANS with sandwiches, beer, &c., on a small tray, which he
+places on the desk._
+
+Jane Eyre--mine. I think that's all. [_Brings the books down and
+places them on desk._] Thank you, Evans.
+
+[_She sits._
+
+EVANS.
+
+Cook thought you would care for that piece of cake, Miss.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I would. Thank cook for me.
+
+EVANS.
+
+Yes, Miss. [_He goes to door._] There's still a hominous silence at
+the lunch-table, Miss.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Taking a sandwich._] That's all right, Evans. [_Exit EVANS, L._]
+After all, one must have food. [_She takes a respectable bite out of a
+sandwich._] And who could over-estimate the consolations of
+literature? [_Opens a book and reads._]
+
+    "Is the calm thine of stoic souls who weigh
+     Life well, and find it wanting, nor deplore,
+     But in disdainful silence turn away,
+     Stand mute, self-centred, stern, and dream no more?"
+
+Yes, Mr. Arnold, it is.
+
+[_Takes another bite of a sandwich._
+
+_Enter MRS. PARBURY, L._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Why won't you come to lunch, Miss Woodward. But oh, I see you're
+having something here.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_For a moment slightly confused._] I--I--[_Drinks some of her
+beer_]--I have a railway journey before me.
+
+[_She rises._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+All the more reason you should come and lunch properly.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+You are very kind, but I am in no mood for merriment.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Merriment!
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Aren't you all merry? I'm so sorry. I thought it would be all right
+now that I'm going away.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I'm afraid that won't make any difference. You speak as though you
+thought you had a grievance against me.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Oh no; I suppose it's the other way about.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Perhaps it ought to be, but somehow I don't feel it acutely. I feel
+only a dull pain. It's a terrible thing, Miss Woodward, for a young
+married woman to suddenly realise that her happiness is gone. I feel
+that I have aged many years in the last few hours.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+So do I. I'm sadder, but healthier.
+
+[_Finishes the beer._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+It's so much worse for me.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Oh, of course our own troubles are always the worst. That is what has
+been called "The vanity of grief."
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Well, Miss Woodward, I'll say good-bye. I bear you no ill-will
+now--really I don't; and I shall always be glad to hear that you are
+doing well, although naturally under the circumstances I can hold out
+no hopes of your coming back here.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_In amazement._] You, Mrs. Parbury, hold out hopes of my returning
+here! Do you think there is enough money in the Bank of England to
+induce me to do that?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I didn't mean it unkindly. I was only trying to say a nice womanly
+thing, and to show you that I didn't blame you so much for falling in
+love with my husband.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I never did.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Oh, Miss Woodward, you know I saw you here. [_Pointing to PARBURY'S
+photograph._] It was the greatest shock of my life.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+You mean I kissed his photograph?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You know you did.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_With a little laugh._] I suppose I did.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Then how can you say----
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Gravely._] It was a motherly kiss.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Turning away._] It seems impossible to talk with you. I used to
+think you a serious-minded person.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Please don't go, Mrs. Parbury, I'm quite serious. I'd like to explain.
+I think I owe it to you.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Turning._] Well?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+You will let me be quite frank?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Oh, I shall like it.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I'll take the risk. [_Comes down L., sits on sofa._] Go on, please.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+The interest which I began to take in Mr. Parbury sprang in a way from
+what has been called the maternal instinct.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+If you go through the world exercising your maternal instinct on other
+women's husbands, Miss Woodward, you'll end badly.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I don't propose doing so. I'm going home to try it on my sisters.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+If you had known anything of life, you would have seen that I had
+sufficient of the maternal instinct for the needs of my husband.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I'm very, very sorry; please don't be angry, but I didn't think it
+found the right expression. It was very impudent of me, I know.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Very.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+It seemed to me that you smoothed his hair when he'd rather it was
+rough, and roughed it when he'd rather it was smooth. [_Demurely._] I
+think that expresses what I mean. I have a beastly sly way of noticing
+everything, and I began to feel sorry for Mr. Parbury. And being quite
+as egotistical as most girls, I began to think I should have made him
+a better wife than you.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Oh.
+
+[_Rises._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Perhaps in the remotest corner of my heart I think so still.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Indignant._] Well?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+But I never loved him--never in the least degree.
+
+[_MRS. PARBURY, during the foregoing, has listened with anger
+gathering in her face, but at the end, after an apparent momentary
+struggle with herself, she bursts into laughter._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I'm glad you're not angry.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Still laughing._] It's impossible to be angry. And so because you
+thought his wife bored him, you gave his photograph a nice motherly
+kiss. That was very sweet of you, I'm sure.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+It was well meant, Mrs. Parbury; and you must always remember that I
+didn't know you were looking.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Laughing, sits on sofa._] Why do you make me laugh when you must
+know that my heart is breaking--that I have lost my happiness for
+ever. [_Pause. She begins to laugh again. Rises._] And I thought you a
+designing hussy, when you are only a very quaint and harmless girl.
+
+[_Laughs._
+
+_Enter GUNNING, L.; keeps the door open._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I'm afraid I'm in the way.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Not at all. We have said all we had to say to each other. Oh, how that
+girl has made me laugh!
+
+[_Exit MRS. PARBURY, L., laughing. GUNNING shuts the door._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Good-bye, Mr. Gunning.
+
+[_Gathering her books together._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I want a little talk with you.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I'm sorry I can't give you the time,
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Oh yes, you will, Miss Woodward.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Indeed? I admit my position is a lowly one, but that doesn't lessen
+your presumption.
+
+[_Goes towards the door._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_With conviction._] You won't go.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+But I will.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+My dear Miss Woodward, believe me, you will not.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+You don't propose using force, I suppose?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+No; I think you would like me to, but unfortunately this is not our
+house, and one must observe the convenances.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Going to door, L._] Good-bye, Mr. Gunning.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Moral force will detain you.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+What moral force, pray?
+
+[_Turning._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Curiosity. You know you are dying to know what I have to say.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Indeed I am not.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Oh yes, you are. And further, a certain womanly graciousness will
+prevent your going. You are saying to yourself, "Mr. Gunning has
+evinced a genuine interest in me. It would be cattish of me to refuse
+him a few minutes' talk."
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Slowly comes to sofa and puts her books down._] I certainly don't
+wish to be cattish.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Of course not.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Sits on sofa._] And anyway I want to eat my piece of cake. Will you
+pass it, please? [_He passes the plate._] Thank you. I hope you won't
+mind my eating.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Not at all. I like it.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Not that I fear it would make any difference if you did.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+No, certainly not. Go on being natural, please. [_Pause. He watches
+her nibbling the cake._] Shall I ring for a fresh piece?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+No, thank you. I'm used to this piece now. [_She glances up at him._]
+You needn't be disconcerted, Mr. Gunning.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I'm not a bit.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+You look it a little.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Do I?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+And you know you didn't detain me here to watch me eating cake.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+No, although you do it very nicely. I want to ask you what you think
+of me.
+
+[_Leaning on back of chair, R.C._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I haven't thought of you.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Well, I'd like you to begin.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I'm afraid I haven't time now.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+It might be to your interest, though I don't say positively that it
+would be.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Explain.
+
+[_Turns to him._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I think I ought first to tell you something about myself.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_In mock alarm._] Not the story of your life, surely. My cab will be
+here soon.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+You told me yours last night?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+You asked me to. I haven't asked you.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+You needn't reproach me for taking an interest in you.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I don't; but you make such a fuss about it, as if it were a sort of
+miracle.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Crossly takes plate from her lap and cake from her hand; puts them
+on table, R._] Oh well, I suppose I oughtn't to detain you, Miss
+Woodward. You are evidently anxious to get back to your twelve sisters
+and the hat and frock you told me about.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Rises._] You needn't throw the family poverty in my face, although
+it serves me right for giving my confidence to a comparative stranger.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Miss Woodward, I humbly beg your pardon.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Although the home may be grubby, I daresay we are as happy as you. We
+believe in things, anyway--you don't.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Don't judge me by a hasty remark. Besides, I had an alternative to
+suggest.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+You? You don't want a secretary, do you?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I--I wanted to tell you in a different way, but you won't let me. I
+want you as my wife.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Your wife, Mr. Gunning?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+It may appear sudden and cold-blooded--but your cab is coming.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+You've taken my breath away. How exciting it is when it does come. I
+really don't know what to say. I know there is a usual thing. It isn't
+"To what am I indebted for this honour," is it?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I don't know. I've never asked a girl before.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+We don't know each other in the least.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+That's where we would start with a big advantage. We'd have all the
+pleasure of finding each other out. Anyway, you are not displeased.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Oh no; either way I score. If I say yes, I suppose I'll make a good
+match.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Pretty good.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+And if I say no, I shall at least be able to boast of a proposal.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+That's so.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Not that there's much satisfaction in that to a practical mind.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+No? [_Goes to her._] Try the other.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+But we don't love each other.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Another big advantage. Love is the rock upon which so many
+well-intentioned young persons split. They engage to marry each other
+while the intelligence is perverted, the reason unbalanced, and the
+judgment obscured by an overpowering sentiment. They enter into a
+solemn life-binding contract in a highly emotional and altogether
+unnormal moral condition. The disastrous results of such folly we see
+examples of daily. We will escape that snare. [_He comes close to
+her._] Of course if the sentiment should subsequently come, if that
+particular kind of emotion should by chance supervene, we'll deal with
+it as best we may.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Sits on arm of sofa._] Still there must be something in love-making.
+I remember my sister and the curate seemed to have a very good time.
+We all thought them fussy, but I know they liked it.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I made love to you in the garden this morning.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Did you? I thought it was pity, and resented it
+
+GUNNING.
+
+You refused me a rose, and gave one----
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I refused you because I thought you pitied me, and gave one to Mr.
+Parbury because I pitied him.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I'd like you to pity me.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+I _should_ if I said yes. [_Leaves him._] But I mean to say no.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_Following her._] You are afraid.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Of what?
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Of what people call my "nasty sneering way," for instance.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Confidently._] Oh, I could deal with that all right.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+I'm sure you could. [_Goes near to her._] Say yes, Hyacinth.
+
+_Enter EVANS, L._
+
+EVANS.
+
+Your cab is here, Miss.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_To MISS WOODWARD, in low voice._] Send it away. [_She hesitates._]
+Do.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Thank you, Evans. Let it wait.
+
+[_GUNNING moves away to C. with a satisfied smile._
+
+EVANS.
+
+Yes, Miss.
+
+[_Exit L._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Good-bye, Mr. Gunning. If you were entirely different from what you
+are, I think I could have liked you; or if I were entirely different
+from what I am, I think I might have married you. But you are
+hopelessly modern and cold-blooded, and I am only an old-fashioned,
+healthy English girl, and a healthy English girl doesn't want to make
+experiments, she wants to be loved.
+
+[_Suddenly GUNNING throws his arm round her, and bends forward to kiss
+her. She quickly raises her clenched hand as if to strike him in the
+face. He looks her in the eyes without flinching._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Perhaps she wants a master.
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Softly._] Perhaps.
+
+[_Her hand slowly drops; he kisses her._
+
+COLONEL.
+
+[_Outside L._] No, my dear; I can't wait any longer.
+
+GUNNING.
+
+[_In a low voice to MISS WOODWARD._] The garden. Will you come and
+find me a rose?
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+Yes.
+
+_Enter COLONEL ARMITAGE, L., MRS. PARBURY, and MR. PARBURY._
+
+[_MISS WOODWARD and GUNNING exeunt quickly to garden, R._
+
+[_MRS. PARBURY comes down L. and sits on sofa. PARBURY goes R. and
+sits, ARMITAGE remains C. They are all silent and uneasy. A
+considerable pause, during which they are occupied with avoiding each
+other's eyes._
+
+COLONEL.
+
+A cheerful day.
+
+MR. PARBURY.
+
+Yes.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Very.
+
+[_Another uneasy pause._
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Well, I must be going.
+
+MR. PARBURY.
+
+Don't go.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Please stay, father.
+
+[_Another pause._
+
+COLONEL.
+
+[_With much irritation._] Well, you see I'm staying.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Thank you.
+
+MR. PARBURY.
+
+Thank you, Colonel.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+But I should like to know what the devil for?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Father!
+
+MR. PARBURY.
+
+Colonel!
+
+COLONEL.
+
+I really think I have cause to be angry. A more depressing function
+than your luncheon party to-day I've never experienced. I think I have
+a right to a little cheerfulness in my middle age. I'm sure I've
+earned it. I've had a great deal to put up with in my life.
+
+MR. PARBURY.
+
+No doubt, no doubt.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Of course I have always accepted my full share of the blame. That I
+have felt to be only right and manly. [_Pause. He looks at CLEMENT._]
+As for my late dear wife, her heart was rarely deaf to a proper
+expression of regret. The memory of her I feel to be a blessing to
+this day. [_He blows his nose sympathetically._] One thing I can tell
+you, Mabel, that when your dear mother and I made it up--well, we
+_did_ make it up. I am not without some very agreeable
+recollections--most agreeable. [_Pause. He comes to MRS. PARBURY._] I
+trust you won't require me tonight, my dear. I have to attend a
+Masonic Banquet.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+No, father; I shan't want you.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Then good-bye. [_Aside to her._] Be true to your own good heart. Your
+dear mother was--sometimes. [_He kisses her, and then goes to
+PARBURY._] Good-bye, Clement. [_Aside to him._] Bear up; I've been
+there myself. [_He goes--aside at door._] Rather tactful, I
+think--rather tactful.
+
+[_Exit L._
+
+[_There is a constrained silence. MRS. PARBURY is particularly uneasy.
+After a moment PARBURY rises, lights a cigarette, and stands at
+mantelpiece._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Am I in the way, dear? Do you want to work?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+No. [_Rises, goes up R._] To-day must be a holiday.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Holidays are meant to be happy days.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I suppose so.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Our happy days have gone. I suppose they will never come back.
+
+[_Very sadly._
+
+PARBURY.
+
+It would be wiser to look for new ones than to weep over the old ones.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I'll not cry, dear; I promise you that. [_Pause. Suddenly rises and
+turns to him._] Clement, can't we start again?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Perhaps. But we must consider first where we now are and the direction
+in which we should go.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Perhaps in your heart you are blaming me more than I deserve--I mean
+about Miss Woodward.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+You chose to keep the motives of your conduct a secret from me.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I may have been wrong. I saw her kiss your photograph.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Starts slightly._] Why didn't you tell me? [_Pause._] Why didn't you
+tell me?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I thought--I thought it would be wiser not to.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+What have I ever done to earn so low an estimate of my character from
+you--that I am not to be trusted with the knowledge that a foolish
+girl had kissed my photograph.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Nothing, dear; nothing. But I was jealous--furious. I am sorry. [_She
+is half-turned from him. He smiles very kindly, and half makes a step
+forward as if to take her in his arms, then restrains himself._]
+[_Drooping._] You are very, very angry with me?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I am very, very pained.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Can't you forgive?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Yes, that is forgiven.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+You say you forgive, but you don't make me feel it. [_Slight pause. He
+is obviously tempted to come to her, but does not._] Won't you forget
+too, and let us go back together?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+No, we can never go back.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Love counts for something, Clement.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+[_Comes to her._] Does love without respect count for very much? Would
+you like to go back to the old way--the way of petty tyranny--the way
+of the cowardly, unnecessary tear--the way of gaining your own ends at
+all costs--the way of being a spoilt child, instead of a thoughtful
+and considerate woman--the way of my own contemptible weakness?
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I never looked upon it in that light. I thought I was happy then.
+
+PARBURY.
+
+Because you never dreamed that my love was beginning to wear badly.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+[_Startled._] Clement! . . . Oh? [_Goes to him._] Good God!
+
+PARBURY.
+
+I don't want ever to think or speak of it again; but to-day I must,
+for if we are honest with each other, we may be able in time to save
+ourselves from that most pitiable and hideous of all states of
+existence--what is called "a cat and dog life." Have you never seen
+it--that domestic flower with the rotten heart? The thin outside
+petals of courtesy, of hollow words of endearment before others, mask
+the ugly truth from the casual and unobservant; but the intimate
+friends know, and the prying eyes of the spiteful are undeceived. That
+man and woman who appear in public wearing the veneered ghost of a
+smile, are walking in hell. Think of their private lives--the slow
+death of love; the hearts poisoned with bitterness; the ever-growing
+rancour; the bandied insolences; the swift thoughts, black as murder;
+the final dull monotony of aching hatred. Do you think such cases
+rare? Every rank of society has its examples. Do you think such a
+couple have deliberately sought their hell? Oh no; they may have
+started as fairly as we did. Their love has not been slain by a blow,
+it has been pecked to a cupboard skeleton by littlenesses--little
+jealousies, little selfishnesses, little insults, little tyrannies,
+little intolerances.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Clement, you terrify me. [C.R.] Oh, I am ashamed--ashamed. You have
+made me shudder at the old way. Dear, if I have lost a particle of
+your love, I'll win it back. You will show me the new way, won't you?
+
+PARBURY.
+
+The new way for us is the old way for the wise. It is a pleasant way
+strewn with flowers, the flowers of self-abnegation--of sweet
+reasonableness--of patient tolerance--of enduring trustfulness.
+Walking in that way we seek diligently for the happiness, not of
+ourselves, but of each other. Rising in the morning we say, not, I
+will find happiness to-day, but I will give happiness to-day. In that
+way lie peace, the fulfilment of our better selves, the full golden
+harvest of love.
+
+[_As he speaks these words with deep sympathy, standing a little away
+from her, she gradually draws nearer to him._
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+I will walk in that way with you, Clement. [_She stoops, and taking
+one of his hands kisses it. Pause._]
+
+[_He stoops and raises her, and takes her in his arms._
+
+_Enter MISS WOODWARD and GUNNING. GUNNING wears a rose in his coat._
+
+GUNNING.
+
+Really--I beg your pardon.
+
+MRS. PARBURY.
+
+Don't trouble about us any more. We're reconciled. [_She remains in
+her husband's arms._]
+
+[_GUNNING turns smilingly to MISS WOODWARD and takes her hand._
+
+MISS WOODWARD.
+
+[_Smiling back upon GUNNING._] Don't trouble about us any more. We're
+engaged.
+
+_Curtain._
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Note
+
+This transcription is based on scanned images posted by the Internet
+Archive from a copy in the University of California, Los Angeles
+Library:
+
+archive.org/details/tyrannyoftearsco00chamiala
+
+The following changes were noted:
+
+- Throughout the text, the convention of long dashes at the end of
+lines has been made consistent.
+
+- p. iii: ...his charming ruler, worldly-wise Gunning...--Changed
+comma to a semicolon.
+
+- p. 25: [_Leans on back of sofa._--Added closing bracket.
+
+- p. 37: ..._MRS. PARBURY stands C., rather confused_].--Placed period
+within brackets for consistency.
+
+- p. 52: ...the trouble of doing it to-morrow--Added period to end of
+sentence.
+
+- p. 64: [_PARBURY rises; crosses to R. MRS. PARBURY follows
+him._]--In html version, changed "_R._" to plain text for consistency.
+
+- p. 79: Three o'clock--Added period to end of line.
+
+- p. 95: _They all drink champagne..._--Added opening bracket.
+
+- p. 115: [_He goes slowly over GUNNING..._--Inserted "_to_" after
+"_over_".
+
+- p. 123: Don t speak like that...--Inserted an apostrophe between
+"Don" and "t".
+
+- p. 124: [_Slight pause. He takes her hand_].--Placed period within
+brackets for consistency.
+
+- p. 139: Not the story of your life, surely--Added period to end of
+sentence.
+
+- p. 149: ..._then restrains himself._][_Drooping._]...--In the
+printed text, there was a line break between these two directions.
+They have been placed on the same line for consistency.
+
+The html version of this etext attempts to reproduce the layout of the
+printed text. However, some concessions have been made, partly to
+simplify coding. For example, stage directions printed flush right at
+the end of a line of dialogue without a closing bracket were placed on
+the next line, indented the same amount from the left margin, and
+coded as hanging paragraphs.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's The Tyranny of Tears, by Charles Haddon Chambers
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 42068 ***