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+The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Visions of Quevedo, by Dom Francisco de
+Quevedo, Translated by William Elliot
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: The Visions of Quevedo
+
+
+Author: Dom Francisco de Quevedo
+
+
+
+Release Date: January 30, 2013  [eBook #41950]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VISIONS OF QUEVEDO***
+
+
+Transcribed from the 1832 Literary Rooms edition by David Price, email
+ccx074@pglaf.org
+
+
+
+
+
+                                   THE
+                           VISIONS OF QUEVEDO.
+
+
+                       TRANSLATED FROM THE SPANISH.
+
+                                * * * * *
+
+                           BY WM. ELLIOT, ESQ.
+
+                                * * * * *
+
+                              PHILADELPHIA:
+                    LITERARY ROOMS, 121 CHESNUT STREET
+                       HENRY H. PORTER, PROPRIETOR.
+
+                                * * * * *
+
+                                  1832.
+
+                                * * * * *
+
+Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1831, by HENRY H.
+PORTER, in the Clerk’s Office of the District Court, of the Eastern
+District of Pennsylvania.
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+
+THE Translator of the Visions of Quevedo, can truly say, that the
+pleasure he himself derived from their perusal in the original, alone
+gave him the idea of translating them into English.  It is believed by
+the writer of this article, that the present is the only English
+translation of the Visions of Quevedo, although they have been translated
+into many other languages, and into French no fewer than five several
+times by as many different authors: the last of which, that has fallen
+under his notice, was published at Paris in 1812, the plan of which has
+been followed in the present version.  The advertisement to that edition,
+contains the following just remarks—“The _Visions_, are regarded as the
+most piquant production, that ever came from the fruitful and ingenious
+pen of Quevedo, one of the best Spanish writers.  In general, the
+criticisms they present, although mixed with some tedious detail, have
+much point, and do not fail in their application at the present day.”  It
+is hoped the reader will condescend to excuse any inaccuracies that have
+escaped the translator’s attention, and realize from the perusal
+entertainment sufficient to recompense him for his time.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+Notice of the Life of Quevedo                                  7
+Night First . . . The Demon                                   11
+Night Second . . . Death and her Palace                       33
+Night Third . . . The Last Judgment                           56
+Night Fourth . . . The Country and the Palace of Love         70
+Night Fifth . . . The World                                   84
+Night Sixth . . . Hell                                       101
+Night Seventh . . . Reformation of Hell                      146
+
+
+
+
+NOTICE OF THE LIFE OF QUEVEDO.
+
+
+FRACOIS DE QUEVEDO DE VILLEGAS, a Spanish gentleman, and knight of the
+order of Saint James, was born in 1570, at Villa Nueva de l’Infantado;
+and not at Madrid, as has been asserted by Moreri, and repeated after him
+in the _Historical Dictionary_ of Lyons.  He was lord of Juan Abbate, in
+the province of La Mancha, an estate of which he bore the title.  After
+having visited Italy, France, and all Spain, and rendered the most signal
+services to the Spanish ministry, he took up his residence at Madrid.
+
+During his stay at court, he devoted himself to study and composition:
+being considered the most polished writer of his time, and one who united
+in himself the greatest versatility of talent.  The taste of Quevedo
+naturally inclined him to fictitious composition.  Endowed with keen
+perceptions, a vivid imagination, and rapidity of invention, he is not
+indebted to the drudgery of research, and other men’s thoughts for his
+immortal productions: depending solely upon his own resources, he was
+emphatically an original writer.
+
+The author of the _Spanish Library_, expresses himself of Quevedo, in the
+following terms: “He knew how to reconcile the gravest studies with
+pleasantries and wit.  His style is embellished with the ornaments of an
+adroitly managed application: he has so much finesse, such an immense
+fund of invention, of ideas as novel as ingenious—so much soft and
+delicate irony: he understands so well, whether in verse or prose, how to
+sketch with facility a pleasant or ridiculous subject, that among gay
+writers there is not one comparable to him.  Nervous and sublime in
+heroic poetry, graceful in lyric verse, full of wit and gaiety in his
+sportive works, his genius illuminates the weakest subjects.”
+
+His poetical effusions have been very much sought after.  Nicholas
+Antonio, an excellent critic, says, also, that in the higher walks of
+poetry, he has force and sublimity.  His luxuriant imagination carried
+him alternately to both sacred and profane verse.  He wrote divers
+religious treatises, and many essays extremely amusing, besides
+translations in verse and prose.  He published, among other works, the
+_Spanish Panassus_, and the novel known by the name of the _Sharper_.
+
+His works have been published in four volumes folio, and in eleven
+volumes octavo.  They comprise, under the title of _Dreams_ or _Visions_,
+divers works of his, published at different times, in various places, and
+with different titles.
+
+Quevedo, in his old age, was very infirm; and, at an advanced period of
+his life, was imprisoned by order of Count d’Olivarez, for a libel upon
+his administration, in which situation he remained till the death of the
+minister.  He died at Villa Nueva de l’Infantado, the place of his birth,
+on the eighth day of September, 1645.
+
+
+
+
+FIRST NIGHT.
+THE DEMON.
+
+
+THE prayers of the church being considered as the most efficacious
+remedies that can be employed against the possession of the devil, a
+malady almost invincible, some wealthy inhabitants of the country had
+brought into this city of Seville, one of their relations, who was thus
+afflicted, to confide his cure to a religious of renowned sanctity; or,
+in other words, for the purpose of having him exorcised.  On the day
+assigned for this operation, the possessed was carried to the church of
+the Cordeliers, which very soon overflowed with spectators.  The gates
+having been shut before my arrival, I engaged a religious of my
+acquaintance to admit me.  He introduced me by the gate of the monastery;
+but I had no sooner entered the church, than I had reason to repent my
+curiosity: I was hustled by the crowd, and overcome with the heat.  There
+my regards were attracted by an unhappy wretch, of an ill figure, with
+wild eyes and dishevelled garments, his hands bound behind his back, and
+uttering from time to time the most frightful yells.  There was much
+impatience testified to behold this holy priest, of whom I have spoken,
+whose name was _Juan de Cardanas_, father of Barnadino de Cardanas,
+Capuchin, and Bishop of Paragua, in America.  After the performance of
+mass, he found himself so much indisposed, that they were obliged to
+postpone the exorcism till another day.  I was not sorry; for, not
+partaking in the credulity of the people, who often impute epileptical
+complaints to the operation of demons, I had for a long time been
+desirous of personally verifying those things they relate concerning the
+possessions of the devil.  I lost no time in visiting the relations of
+this unhappy person, whom I shrewdly suspected had recourse to this
+adroit method to rid themselves of the inconvenience of certain
+pecadilloes he had been engaged in.  I inspired them with sufficient
+confidence to obtain permission to visit their lodgings the following
+night, with a view of making such an examination as I should judge
+proper.  I preferred this time to any other, that I might the better
+conceal the defeat of my enterprize if it should not succeed.
+
+The night being come, I was introduced into the chamber of the possessed
+whom they had placed upon a bed in such a manner that he could not rise.
+The presence of his friends prevented me from the proposition of certain
+questions I had meditated.  The following will serve as a sample:
+
+Is it possible to find out the philosopher’s stone?
+
+Can the quadrature of the circle be discovered?
+
+Is there an universal panacea for every disease?
+
+Is there among herbs, any simples which can inspire love in women, or
+protect from blows and wounds?
+
+I had put in writing some other objects of my curiosity; but as it was
+not a convenient time to propound them, I began to feel the pulse of the
+possessed.  It was frequent and elevated: from time to time his eyes were
+troubled; and he had convulsive movements, from which he suffered very
+much.
+
+After having examined his body, I examined his mind, speaking to him in
+Greek, Hebrew, Turkish, Indian, and even in the Mexican tongue.  He
+answered me always very appropriately in Spanish, which convinced me that
+he was in truth possessed with a devil; for although he spake not all
+languages, he nevertheless understood them, which could not naturally
+happen without study or travel.  His relations assured me he had done
+neither the one nor the other.
+
+I demanded of the demon, what name he had in hell?
+
+He answered, “that he had no other appellation than that of the
+employment which he exercised in the world: that he had been for a long
+time in the service of an alguazil, in whom he inspired all the chicanery
+and wickedness with which he plagued poor people.”
+
+Let us remark here, that the word _alguazil_ is borrowed from the Moresco
+tongue, and signifies in Spanish, a constable, a cryer, a clerk, or other
+subaltern of justice.
+
+“Why,” said I to the demon, “are you entered into the body of this man?”
+
+“Because he was himself an alguazil, and a person of a licentious life.
+After having been banished from his paternal home, finding himself
+necessitous, he associated with alguazils to extort money, under pretence
+of executing the decrees of justice, and in the arrest of bodies, which
+he often abandoned for small sums.  It was in the execution of this
+business, that he stole a silver cup from the house of a country curate,
+and subtracted a purse of one hundred ducats from the pocket of a man,
+who, for the stuff, was delivered from the hands of justice.”
+
+I asked him if there were many of these people in hell?
+
+“Very many,” answered he: “the constables have neither honour nor
+conscience; they drive their trade whether they know any thing of the
+matter or not: in that particular they resemble the poets.  You shall
+scarcely find in hell, a single poet, who will not tell you that he was
+sent there on account of the versified lies he told in praise of some
+beauty.  The poetic spirit hath its origin in the disposition of the
+heart, to receive tender impressions: it is the lover of heroism and
+romance; and to sustain this character, must necessarily make use of much
+artifice.  The old poets serve as secretaries to young lovers; the young
+ones are ambitious of blazing as the heroes of their own compositions.
+There are so many poets in hell, that it can hardly fail of aggrandizing
+their quarter.  I wish to speak in such a manner, that you may comprehend
+the nature of their occupations and torments there; but of which you
+cannot have an adequate idea, unless I shall here adduce some examples:—
+
+“When these authors enter the subterranean abodes, they look around for a
+Charon, a dog Cerberus, a Rhadamanthus, a Pluto, and all the infernal
+divinities of fable.  In place of that, the demons make them realize,
+that this is a place much more horrible than that: but this is not their
+severest punishment; they are forced to hear the compositions of other
+poets, who are their superiors in talent; then they are tormented by
+jealousy; they hate the _epigrams_ of Martial, the _stanzas_ of Catullus,
+the _odes_ of Horace, the _beauties_ of Virgil, the _satires_ of Juvenal,
+the _comedies_ of Terence, and the _tragedies_ of Seneca.  It is thus
+also the historians suffer, when they listen to the histories of
+Herodotus, of Titus, Livy, of Sallust, and of Cæsar.
+
+“What a punishment for these rhymsters, when they recollect their own
+works!  You cannot imagine the pain they experience, in finding a
+felicitous rhyme, a happy epithet, a just pause, or an harmonious
+cadence: they are more tormented by an _a_ or an _e_, than Tantalus is by
+thirst, or the Italians are with their jealousy, when they have Frenchmen
+at their houses.  And the comic poets, how are they punished, for having
+filched away the reputation of so many princesses and queens of Castile,
+of Leon, of Arragon, and other places!  This is as fertile a field for
+them, as all the wars of the Moors of Granada; but for these larcenies,
+they suffer sharper agonies as Christians, than will ever be inflicted
+upon the barbarians and Mohammedans, for all their battles and burnings,
+or upon the alguazils, even for their violences and exactions.
+
+“Behold, in review of the subject,” said the demon, who spake by the
+mouth of the possessed, “there is a much nearer resemblance between poets
+and alguazils, than one would, at a first glance, imagine.”
+
+“A fine comparison,” said I, “for such a false spirit as you!”
+
+“How!” answered he, “are not poets and alguazils both thieves? and if you
+would but confess it, you well know, that in making these remarks of
+poets, I speak to a poet, whom I wish to undeceive.  Do you not recollect
+the old Spanish proverb, _He who never composed two verses_, _had no
+wit_; _and he who produced four_, _was a fool_?”
+
+“I confess,” said I, “that to be a poet, one must have an original turn
+of imagination; and the same qualification is necessary to a painter: one
+would find it very difficult to assume, without merit, the rank of
+Apelles and Michael Angelo: but as they cannot justly call these
+celebrated artists so generally admired, fools, so neither do I believe
+they can accuse of folly the great poets of Spain, of Italy, of France,
+of Turkey, of Persia, and of China: for in all these places they have
+made verses.”
+
+“Yes,” said he, “and in all these places there are fools, alguazils,
+painters, astrologers, jealous or complaisant husbands, mountebanks,
+perfumers, plagiaries, triflers, and slaves of business or pleasure.  All
+these, under pretext of pleasure or justice, steal, without compunction,
+the wealth of others.”
+
+“Oh!” said I to him, “I now recognize in you a true demon; you delight to
+lie, and in crying out that all who serve the public rob them, you
+enhance their reputation.  But tell me what robbery a magistrate commits,
+when he obeys, and wishes to compel others to obey, the laws of his
+prince? when, in fine, he distributes to every one justice?  Without
+justice, which punishes and avenges, no one could enjoy security in his
+own house.  A whole city might be given up to pillage, and become more
+horrible than the hell you inhabit; a state of things which must excite a
+very just indignation among reasonable people; that is, among those who
+understand the principles of order, equity, and natural right.  And what
+a picture would every family offer!  Children opposing themselves to
+their fathers, and servants against their masters; brothers would make
+laws for brothers, and mothers have no authority over their daughters!”
+
+“Behold,” said the demon, “a superb description of the disorder which
+would happen, if the gentlemen of justice did not make it their duty to
+become the first robbers!”
+
+“Do you call the pecuniary penalties they impose, robbery?” replied I.
+“They are wisely established as a check upon avarice and usury, which are
+the ruin of families.  The fines they impose are regarded sometimes as
+extortions; but they are not so; for if the community provided not for
+the necessities of all, do you believe that individuals would furnish of
+themselves, what is necessary for the republic? do you believe they would
+contribute without a demand?  There is not among the officers of
+government, so much cupidity and bad faith, as you charge them with.  But
+answer me: without their assistance, their care, their vigilance, would
+there be any security to emperors, kings, popes, and bishops in their
+beds, or repose in their dignities?”
+
+“I have not,” said the demon, “so bad a tongue as you believe.  I know,
+truly, all the affairs of the world, and the state of every condition in
+republics.  In accusing the most of mankind, I do them no injustice: and
+those evils which you say would happen, without the assistance of those
+who are appointed to execute the laws, happen in spite of their wisdom.
+The worst of it is, they are brought about by those very persons who are
+expected to prevent it, and who are paid for that object.  Whence has it
+arisen that so many emperors have been killed, so many kings dethroned,
+so many popes declared anti-popes, so many bishops dismissed, so many
+magistrates suppressed, so many families ruined, so many cities pillaged,
+so many provinces reduced to famine?  It is by the ministers of justice,
+by the overseers of administrations, that all these things are done,
+either directly or indirectly: directly, with a view to profit by the
+disorder; or indirectly, from a culpable inertness.  How do so many
+officers of the long robe contrive to live?  They lengthen out their
+robes with the pieces they snatch from the officers of the short robes.
+A man who goes to law, may be compared to him who orders a coat: he will
+have a good coat, but yet not receive all the stuff he delivered to his
+tailor.  He will take enough for two pair of sleeves, and two fore parts;
+he will take twice as many buttons, twice as much silk, binding, and
+lining, as is necessary for one garment; and you shall have but one, when
+you ought to have two out of the cloth you purchased.  A Spanish grandee,
+wishing to have a coat in the French style, purchased as much cloth as
+the tailor demanded of him, whom he also left at liberty to take as much
+lining, assorted to the colour of the cloth.  After they had taken his
+measure, he caused them to call the tailor, and told him that he desired
+the lining of one coat to be red, and that of the other yellow.
+
+“‘How, my lord,’ said the tailor, ‘do you wish me to make two coats, when
+you have given me stuff but for one?’
+
+“‘Yes; I do expect it,’ said the grandee; ‘and if you do not make them
+both sufficiently large, I will put you in a safe place.’
+
+“The tailor, who feared the prison, made two garments as long and large
+as they ought to be, without purchasing another shred of cloth.  When he
+brought them home, the lord caused all the stuff to be measured by an
+engineer, in his service; he found that it yet wanted half a quarter of
+an ell, besides the little pieces he was forced to cut out for the
+angles.  This was not all; the Spanish grandee, whose name I can tell
+you, which was _Don Pedro de Saccaso_, wished that the master tailor
+should pay him for two garments, which he cabbaged out of stuff he had
+delivered him the preceding spring; and as the tailor cried out at this
+injustice, the grandee refused to pay him for the fashion, lining, and
+trimming of gold of these two last.  Thus you will comprehend,” observed
+the demon, “in what particular the people charged with the administration
+of justice resemble tailors, and in what manner they are unjust, even in
+rendering justice.  In their suits they generally make certain pieces of
+meadow or vineyard the object of contention; and if the parties complain
+of want of money to pay their fees, they take from them that which they
+demand at their tribunal.”
+
+“So,” said I to the demon, “there is no justice upon earth!”
+
+“No, no, there is none,” added he; “and it is not to-day, that for the
+first time the complaint has been uttered.  The fable says, that Astrea
+being come with truth among men, was obliged to return to heaven, because
+no person would receive her.  Truth met with the same fate, after having
+wandered through the world, sometimes among the Egyptians, sometimes
+among the Greeks, sometimes among the Romans, and sometimes even among
+the Chinese; she was constrained, at length, to retire to the house of a
+poor mute, who yet, by false and equivocal signs, gave her to understand
+that he wished to get rid of her company.  She then returned to the place
+from whence she came.  Justice perceiving they would not tolerate her in
+courts, among the abodes of princes, in palaces, or great cities, fled
+into the villages, where, however, she did not tarry a long-time; for the
+stewards of the lords, that is, those ignorant stewards who seek but to
+amass money with which to pay their charges, gave her chase, and forced
+her to regain her own country.  The beauty of Astrea, or Justice,
+resembles that of the stars—shining, noble, and worthy of admiration; but
+this is only when beheld at a distance; for were you to approach too near
+to a star, although it appears to you so diminutive, it would consume you
+in an instant.  Justice is fair, but she is proud, austere, rigid,
+inexorable, and no respecter of persons: she wishes to be sought and
+beloved, but she loves not one friend more than another; and like love,
+she travels a little in the rear.  Is it possible to find any thing more
+exact, more faithful, more laborious, more submissive, more complaisant,
+than a violent love?  It fails not in the minutest particular; it knows
+no concealment; nothing appears difficult to it; it is always ready to
+obey, accounting no toil disagreeable; in the desire, to please, it finds
+every thing just as it wishes.  Justice does the same in another sense,
+for she meets with exactness in the slightest circumstance: she is
+faithful in the least things; she is laborious, and fears no pain; she is
+submissive to the laws which she imposes; she is complaisant for herself,
+and even sometimes appears unjust, so impartial and rigorous is she.”
+
+“I suppose then,” said I, “there are many judges in hell, if what you say
+is correct, which seems to me very probable.”
+
+“Yes,” replied the demon, “they are there in great numbers, and we have
+put them in the same place with thieves and robbers.  One circumstance
+that will surprise you, is, that their multitude is as considerable as
+that of the amorous; although they have among the former, only the men
+who were judges: and among the latter, men and women who have loved once
+at least in their lives.”
+
+“You wish to give me to understand,” said I to him, “that there are many
+lovers in hell; but can that be?  If men were damned for this passion, no
+person should be exempt from your infernal jurisdiction.  But this
+passion hath one great advantage; it is conformable to the charity that
+men owe to one another, and is always accompanied with repentance, and
+certain remorse of conscience, when it departs from those who have been
+possessed.  One sees young girls even, who repent of their faults.  How
+many religions houses are founded by penitence! how many old coquettes
+give themselves up to devotion! how many men follow their example, after
+love has fled with beauty, constitution, and wealth!”
+
+“But,” said the demon, “how many men and women, young and old, die in
+their amours, and count you for nothing the despair, the chagrin, the
+secret pains under which so many lovers have succumbed?  Know you not
+that some temperaments are so affected by this passion, that they quit it
+but with life?  If I should relate to you the histories of both sexes
+perverted by the perusal of gallant adventures, and having no other
+desire in their souls but to experience the like; if I should cause you
+to see the occupations of these people in hell, you would pity some,
+while you could not help laughing at the folly of others.  You would see
+young men burning at the feet of their mistresses; and old ones, who, to
+please theirs, are continually shaving themselves, or plucking out their
+beard, and who put on bland perukes, to give themselves a youthful
+appearance; young girls, who imagine themselves to be Cleopatras,
+Artemisias, and Clelias; old coquettes, who paint themselves continually
+before their glass, who torment their locks, tightening the
+forehead-cloth to efface the wrinkles, and adjusting to the mouth
+artificial teeth of ivory or wax: but all their cases are lost, since
+there is nothing substantial in the other world.  You would be
+astonished, if I were to point out to you all the girls who have taken
+certain means to hide the effects of their love sports.  It would of
+necessity be seen, how many surgeons and physicians follow in their
+train; and if any one should inquire why these people are in hell, who
+have rendered such universal service, I answer, because they ought not to
+afford assistance to every one.  Can they, for instance,” added he,
+“conscientiously administer those remedies to cause hemorrhages, which
+end in abortion?”
+
+And as I was about to observe, that the physicians could not be cognizant
+of a malady which they would not discover—
+
+“I understand you,” interrupted the demon: “be sure they know well
+enough, without that; at any rate, it is their duty to know, or to
+suspect.”
+
+“But,” said I to him, “is there not another secret you have omitted, of
+similar effect to the assistance of the physicians?”
+
+“Yes,” he answered: “there are the poisoners, sorcerers, and adroit
+women, who teach these mysteries; and there are some in hell who yet
+continue this infamous practice.”
+
+“You would have it understood,” said I, “that you are a good devil; a
+devil of honour and conscience: you would make a good preacher; the flock
+would doubtless edify by your sermons.”
+
+“Be persuaded,” said he, “that if I preach not agreeable things, I
+announce wholesome truths: believe also, that I have many preachers
+dependent upon me.  ‘Who are they?’ you inquire.  They are those who
+preach for their own glory, to establish a reputation, to acquire
+celebrity, to gain benefices, and levy contributions upon poor devotees.
+They commit wickedness in doing good to others; in teaching and edifying
+them.  If we lose the hearers through the instrumentality of their
+discourses, we gain the pastors, which is more honourable to us.
+Finally, I declare to you, that it is by the order of God, that I speak
+to you before all these persons: I warn you, in particular, that you are
+lost, unless you abandon all the projects of ambition you have formed,
+and unless you renounce poetry, which is at the same time so agreeable
+and fatal.
+
+“Draw near,” said he, to an old man, a relation of the possessed:
+“restore the three farms you illegally detain.  You, young man, imitate
+Hercules no more with your strength and intrigue; Hercules is dead; you
+may find men who will kill you.—You old judge of the village, you have a
+very delicate and perilous charge: you were the valet of the lord of the
+domain; you have preserved in your new station, the spirit of servitude,
+which is not sympathetic with justice.  The petition of your ancient
+master, you stupid wretch.  The three peasants who have bound and
+strangled the helpless patient upon his bed, are those who enjoy the
+benefit.  It is now six years since the farm-house of their master was
+consumed with fire: they ought to be punished for these crimes.—As to
+those young ladies, they would do well not to admit, for the future, the
+two strangers, whom they entertain every evening in their chambers, and
+whom they introduce by the garden.  Profit, all of you, by what you have
+now heard: I shall speak to you no more, for to-morrow the priest comes
+to exorcise me, and I shall depart from the body of this subject, it
+being the will of God that I should go forth, to attest his power and the
+glory of his name.”
+
+The demon having finished this discourse, took pleasure in tormenting the
+possessed, and making him utter moving cries.  I feared the neighbourhood
+would be alarmed, and that some one would recognize me in a place where I
+could not be with honour.  In returning to my house, I reflected upon the
+wisdom of God, who draweth good from evil, and causeth demons to speak as
+angels of light.  The prophet hath also remarked, that divine Providence
+disposeth things in such a manner, that the hands of our enemies can
+conduce to our welfare.  This is the first possessed I ever saw in the
+course of my life, and the first time I ever conversed with a demon.  God
+grant that I may never behold another, neither in this world, nor in the
+world to come!
+
+
+
+
+SECOND NIGHT
+DEATH AND HER PALACE.
+
+
+THERE are those who affirm that none but the wicked are subjected to
+unpleasant thoughts.  I have been acquainted with many persons, but I
+could never find one who was not ready to confess, there were moments of
+sadness that invaded the soul, the cause of which they could not explain.
+These spring, sometimes from a vicious temperament: the humours mixing
+themselves with the blood, carry to the brain those spirits that trace
+upon the imagination frightful and whimsical figures, from whence come
+those disagreeable dreams and visions that surprise us in the night.
+Dreams proceed often from heaven, often from the devil, and frequently
+from natural causes; thus we have thoughts of death, after conversation
+on the subject, or having read a book that treated of it.  To speak
+plainly, it seems that Providence sends us such dreams, for the purpose
+of forcing our attention to the consideration of those subjects we are
+generally reluctant to reflect upon.  Such is, without doubt, the origin
+of this I have had concerning death.
+
+I read one night before retiring, the verse of Lucretius, one of the most
+learned men, and best poets of antiquity.  I found an eminently beautiful
+passage, where he says, that all nature, with one consent, elevating her
+voice, speaks thus to mankind:—“Why, O mortals, do you groan for such a
+length of time, and why are you so sharply afflicted?  Why do you submit
+to the slavery of flying from death, and the fear thereof?  Why do you
+continually reflect upon the pleasures of youth?  The enjoyments of this
+season have passed with the days you regret, as grain escapes from a
+sack, from whence it finds an issue.  You are fatigued with the world;
+why do you not quit it, as one who returns satisfied from a feast, where
+the viands were exquisite, and the pleasure of the highest flavour?  You
+are convicted of a strange folly: it is in your power to enjoy
+tranquillity; why not, then, seize upon possession?  Why fear death, that
+will render you invulnerable?”
+
+Such are the sentiments of the poet, and they appear like those of a
+saint; but this is nature, or rather, natural reason, teaching us that
+death is not so frightful as we are apt to imagine; and I am not
+therefore surprised, that heathen philosophers have exhibited so constant
+an example of exalted morality.
+
+Likewise I remember what Job has said upon the brevity of human life, and
+the swift arrival of death.  “The life of man,” says this illustrious
+patriarch, “is of short duration: it is a flower, that before it is
+scarcely blown, is despoiled of its leaves: it is a shadow, which flies
+with the rapidity of the wind, without remaining stationary a single
+moment;” and yet, in spite of its brevity, life is subject to so much
+calamity, that it is doubtful whether it should not rather be called
+misery, than life.
+
+Indulging in these grave meditations, I threw myself upon my bed, and
+slept.  My spirit was free from external impressions.  I thought there
+came into the places where my fancy had transported me, a great multitude
+of physicians, mounted upon mules, the housings of which, were clothes of
+the dead.  In the suit of these physicians, who had an air of sourness
+and chagrin, followed a crowd of apothecaries, surgeons, and young
+barbers, who carried the drugs or instruments pertaining to their
+professions.  When the physicians had descended from their mules, they
+began to dance a ballet, to the sound of the mortars and sieves the
+apothecaries and their adjuncts played upon.  This ballet was
+interspersed with songs, in which the physicians took the upper part; the
+words of one of them were as follows:—
+
+    “Catholicum, rhubarbarae, opiata, theriaca,
+    Opoponach, O opium, O laudanum anodinum,
+    Polychrestum diureticum, senne anisatum.”
+
+Two young physicians performed the air in these words:—
+
+    “Recipe, recipe, recipe, recipe senne,
+    Dragmas duas, dragmas duas, dragmas duas,
+          Semi-dragmum rhei electac,
+          Scrupulum unum polychresti,
+    Infundantur, percolentur, hauriantur,
+          Horâ sextâ matutinâ,
+    Recipe, recipe, recipe, etc.”
+
+Two surgeons answered to that, _seca_; _ure_; that is to say, _cut_,
+_burn_; and directly both joined in chorus—these repeating _recipe_, the
+others _ure_, and the last dancing.
+
+This troop having sat, there entered another composed of newsmongers, and
+people who followed them to learn what was transacted abroad in England,
+France, Holland, Italy, and other places.  After these entered
+solicitors, stewards of noble estates, soldiers, priests, and other
+persons whom I did not know.  This cavalcade was terminated by a woman of
+monstrous stature, meagre, pale, and having a very extraordinary
+equipage.  Her head dress consisted of crowns, tiaras, electoral bonnets,
+mitres, red and black hats, hats of straw, turbans, and bonnets of wool
+and silk: upon one side of the head, she had her hair curled and
+powdered; upon the other, shaven after the fashion of monks.  Her robe
+was tissue of thread, wool, and silk, ornamented with trimmings of gold
+and silver, chaplets, precious stones, and pearls: she had upon her feet
+and legs, shoes of iron, wood, and leather: she bore upon a sceptre, a
+shepherd’s crook, a scythe, and a great club: she had one eye open, and
+the other shut; and carried, pendant from her neck, a sand box, with
+crosses of the order of Saint James, of the Holy Ghost, and the medals of
+other military orders: her gait was alternately slow, then quick and
+precipitate.  She approached my bed, and said, “Arise, Chevalier, follow
+me!”
+
+“But, before I follow thee,” replied I, “inform me who you are.”
+
+“I am _Death_,” answered she; “follow me!”
+
+“Is it your pleasure, then, that I should die?”
+
+“No, no! follow me, and leave behind thy garment; for a person is not to
+be clothed when he follows Death.  I will show you my empire, and my
+subjects.  I am the queen of queens, the empress of sovereigns, the
+sovereign of the human race; and the powers of earth are but my
+inspectors.”
+
+“How!” exclaimed I, “dare you to say the king of Spain is your inspector?
+he who possesses so many territories in the world?”
+
+“Follow, follow,” said Death; “I will show you.”
+
+Immediately all those who were there, went out in the same order they had
+entered: Death following the rear of the procession, and I following
+Death.
+
+We traversed vast plains and deserts, which resembled cemeteries, or
+fields of battle, covered with dead.  Directly I perceived, at a
+distance, an immense castle, built in the antique style; and when I had
+drawn near, I observed that the materials were nothing but bones cemented
+with blood and apothecaries’ drugs.  The three porters in the court were
+very pleasant to the sight.  The first resembled a harlequin assuming
+divers attitudes, and having upon his habits the figures of kingdoms and
+provinces of the earth; in such a fashion, indeed, that I seemed to look
+upon a geographical map: his name was the _World_.  The second, who
+called himself the _Flesh_, was naked, like those figures of Priapus one
+sees upon medals.  The third was armed, _cap a pie_, in gold and silver,
+like a curassier.  They told me those three guards were the enemies of
+the world, and the porters of Death.  The pavement of the court was of
+human sculls, as well as that of the chambers: these sculls were arranged
+in such a manner, that they resembled a chess board; some being white,
+and others, having the hair upon them, appeared black.  In the middle of
+this court was a fountain of tears: the figures about the basin,
+represented Uneasiness, Envy, Jealousy, Despair, Knavery, Sickness,
+Medicine, War, Revenge, and Love.  The tapestries of the chambers were
+all upon particular subjects.  One might see in one piece, people
+contracting marriage; in another, lawyers pleading a case; in this,
+merchants preparing for bankruptcy; in that, _honest_ thieves upon the
+grand tour, stripping the peasantry.  The others represented an
+ecclesiastic, who, dying in his bed, has, in his last moments, the
+satisfaction of seeing his house pillaged; a courier riding from Madrid
+to Rome, to solicit a benefice; a tiler falling from the roof of a house;
+a drunken sailor precipitating himself from his vessel into the sea; a
+house burning with such rapidity, that its master is consumed in the
+flames; in fine, one might there perceive every species of human death.
+
+But none of these impressed me with so much horror, as the paintings in
+fresco under the grand portico.  There were here servants who strangled
+their master to obtain his money; children who assassinated their father,
+to come more speedily into possession of his property; subjects who kill
+their king, after having pronounced his condemnation; a woman who poisons
+her husband; and a mistress who does the same to her lover, to revenge
+his infidelity.
+
+In the middle of this gallery, was a colossal figure, representing
+Ingratitude, and elevated upon a pedestal; the relief of which presented
+on the one side Cruelty, on the second Infidelity, on the third Interest,
+on the fourth Ambition.  The base was ornamented with sculptural emblems
+of sporting cupids, satyrs, lions, and cats.
+
+After having traversed the whole extent of this apartment, Death entered
+into a grand and magnificent hall; the sable hangings of which were sown
+with white drops, like the ornaments commonly seen on monuments in
+burying places.  In this hall stood a throne composed of dead men’s
+bones, and which appeared like ivory: four leg bones formed the
+supporters; two arms, with their hands, the arms of the seat; a spinal
+bone, with those of the thighs, composed the back part; the two pommels
+above were two sculls, and the seat was of other bones.  It was ascended
+by four steps, the first of which was called _infancy_, the second
+_youth_, the third _manhood_, and the fourth _old age_.  Death being
+seated, the whole medical corps ranged themselves on either side, the
+others being seated at their feet.
+
+Death spake for some time upon the limits of life, and of the grandeur of
+her empire: she finished her discourse by observing that there was but
+one way of coming into existence, but many ways of quitting it.  She then
+gave a general order for the dead to appear, and all at once I saw them
+fall from the wainscot, and come from the walls and pavement.  “Speak,”
+said the queen, “each in turn.”
+
+The first who commenced, said, “I am Romulus, first king of Rome; my
+ministers not being able to tolerate my government, wished to change it;
+they caused me to be assassinated, and a report spread, that I had, in
+their presence, been translated to heaven.”
+
+“I am,” said another, “Cæsar, first emperor of the Romans: the senate
+caused me to perish by the hand of my adopted son.”
+
+A third, “I am the emperor Claudius, poisoned by my wife.”
+
+A fourth, “I am Alexander the great; I died in the very bosom of a
+debauch.”
+
+A fifth, “I am Codrus, king of the Athenians; I died for my country.”
+
+“And I,” exclaimed a sixth, “am _Charles the fifth_, whose bones my son
+exhumed, and burnt.”
+
+In like manner appeared many of the illustrious dead, now confounded with
+all kinds of people.  When they had spoken, they formed a great circle,
+in the midst of which I perceived a large bottle, from whence issued a
+voice, that said, “I am that famous necromancer, the great magician of
+Europe.  I caused myself to be cut in pieces by one of my servants, and
+shut up in this vessel, expecting my members would re-unite, and my body
+be renewed in its pristine youth; I know not whether the secret was
+false, or if he neglected to follow strictly my orders; but after boiling
+a long time, I formed only a gross, misshapen, and lifeless mass.”
+
+“You then were of opinion,” said death, “that the soul was but a subtle
+fire; a flame that could animate your body, and repair itself!”
+
+“Yes,” answered the necromancer.
+
+“Close the vessel again,” said Death.
+
+When all the by-standers had been heard, they were required to put their
+names upon a great book; and while they were writing, I saw the bottle
+move towards me.  The necromancer within immediately commenced a
+conversation with me; inquiring, “who reigns in Spain?  Does Venice yet
+exist?  What is the news in France?  Are the Calvinists constantly
+triumphant?”
+
+I answered him, “Philip IV. reigns in Spain; Venice is still beautiful,
+rich, and powerful: the Calvinists and their king are always invincible.”
+
+He then besought me to break the bottle.  As I hesitated, not being
+without certain qualms of fear, it swelled, and burst of itself.  I then
+saw what it had contained expand into a human form, and rising up,
+resumed the discourse in this manner:—
+
+“As it is impossible for me to return again into the world, place us
+henceforth among the dead magicians.”
+
+In the place of the bottle, there appeared an old man with a great head
+and a long beard: he was of a grave mein, and held a globe in his hand.
+
+“I am,” said he, “Nestradamus, that great French astrologer, who
+predicted, during my life, every thing that has since happened.”
+
+“How,” said I, “are you he that composed those famous centuries, which,
+after death, were found in your tomb?  Resolve me, I pray you, one of
+your prophecies now in my mind:—
+
+    “‘The sign of Aries shall the world command;
+    Taurus shall rule the waves and solid land;
+    Mother and sire the virgin shall deceive,
+    The mother’s breasts the tender twins shall leave.’”
+
+“That,” said the astrologer, “is as clear as the light of day; and
+signifies, that married men shall frequently resemble rams: the love of
+woman, represented by the bull, shall mingle itself with affairs of every
+kind; the daughter divert herself spite of the advice of her father, and
+the sons laugh at maternal expostulation.”
+
+“And this, what is its signification?” demanded I:—
+
+    “‘Mothers soon shall children bear,
+    Who to name no sire shall dare;
+    None of all the babes they bear,
+    E’er shall lack a father’s care.’”
+
+“That is equally easy of explanation.  I wish to convey the idea, that
+many children shall call those fathers, who are not so; and shall have
+fathers whom they will never discover.”
+
+He would have departed, after explaining these two prophecies; but I
+stopped him, entreating him only to tell me the meaning of this last:—
+
+    “‘Before another year is born,
+    Many a goose quill shall be worn;
+    Many a quill the ether bear,
+    Many a man shall dance in air;
+    Men shall sorely rue the attack,
+    Of grey goose quill and Doctor Quack;
+    Merchants be in bankrupt plight,
+    Nobles turn to blackguards quite;
+    Province, city, town, and village,
+    Soon shall soldiers sack and pillage;
+    Lads and lasses soon shall try,
+    What darkness hides from every eye;
+    No more shall widows’ weeds endure;
+    The cloister virgins shall immure.’”
+
+“That signifies,” said Nostradamus, who was in haste to depart, “that one
+half of the world shall pillage the other; the people of justice shall
+rob by their pen; false witnesses will support themselves by hanging upon
+their skirts; the physicians will kill with physic, and be well paid for
+it; the merchants thrive by bankruptcy; nobles shall be ruined by their
+stewards; the soldiers will lay all under contribution; children shall
+rob one another; widows contract new nuptials, and to enjoy the portions
+of their daughters, make nuns of them.  Let go!”—and he hastily left me.
+
+I then perceived before me a good old man, of a very sad aspect, who
+demanded if I was dead?
+
+“No,” answered I; “living, and at your service.”
+
+“Good!” said he; “I expect a favour of you.  You must know, I am called
+_They_.  I also bear the appellation of _Somebody_, of _Another_, of a
+_certain Personage_, of _Author_, and of _I know who_.  While I lived in
+the world, I was accused of having said and done every thing which could
+not be traced: if a false report was circulated, it was _they_ who had
+broached it: if any one was found assassinated in the high way, it was
+_they_ who had killed him: if there was a man with a bad face, this was
+_somebody_: if it was imprudent to name a person in an affair, they
+called him _a certain person_: if a writer advanced bold things, this was
+an _author_, who had spoken on the first impression: and, finally, when
+the author was entirely concealed, it was _I know who_, that had said or
+acted thus and so.  All this time I neither said nor did any thing; I
+appeared no where; I knew not what passed, and kept house both day and
+night; the chagrin of seeing myself in so bad repute, fairly put an end
+to my existence.  I demand, therefore, of you, to vindicate me to your
+friends, and those persons over whom you have any influence, that they
+may not in future charge me with any thing; for, since I am dead, I can
+of course have nothing more to do with the world.”
+
+I promised the old gentleman I would remember what he desired, and he
+retired contented.  At this moment a young woman coming up to me, fell
+upon my neck, exclaiming,
+
+“My dear Æneas, have you at length arrived!  I have for a long time
+wished to see you.  Virgil hath spoken very illy of you: he has published
+a history of our loves, which we knew nothing of: I have sought you among
+all the dead, without being able to find you; but I know, from your air,
+that you are Æneas; for, as you have been the greatest and most
+illustrious of heroes, so here you surpass all the dead in demeanour and
+beauty.”
+
+As the surprise I felt at this unmerited compliment prevented answer, she
+continued to speak, and embraced me so vehemently, that I was compelled
+to cry out.
+
+“Peace, there!” commanded the officer of the chamber, who was called
+_Silence_.
+
+I still continued to bawl out; and said to Madame Dido, “O Queen of
+Carthage! will you not be undeceived?  I am Don Francisco de Quevedo de
+Villegas, Chevalier of the order of Saint James!”
+
+“Behold!” replied the queen, “behold this drunkard, who, being a Trojan,
+would fain pass himself off for a Spaniard!  Go, pious Æneas; Virgil hath
+done thee no great wrong in describing thee as thou art.  Where is thy
+Palladium? thy nurse? thy son Ascanias? where are thy companions? why are
+you here without attendants?”
+
+“Be not disquieted,” said I: “address yourself to Charon; he would know
+you as well as Æneas, who abandoned you in Africa; that was a meet
+punishment for your prudery: but you have not yet been able to forget a
+man, who surrendered his native city to the Greeks, and fled from his
+ruined country.  You are a victim of love!”
+
+“And you,” said she, retiring, “are very credulous!”
+
+The officer again commanded silence, and before I had time to add any
+thing more, I saw approaching a dead person of great size, with horns
+upon his head, and who ran towards me as though he was going to strike
+with them.  I stretched out my arms to defend myself, and perceiving near
+me a large fork, that supported the tapestry, I took it in my hand, and
+firmly awaited his onset.
+
+“Do you recognize,” said he, “Don Diego Moreno, whom you have called in
+your poems Signor Cornuto?”
+
+“Yes,” replied I; “and to convince you, that I neither fear you, living
+nor dead, take in advance a blow with this fork;” and at that endeavoured
+to run him through, but his bones were too hard.  Moreno then gave me a
+blow with his head, and casting himself upon me, threw me down: I stuck
+to his sides, inserting my fingers into the openings beneath the sternum,
+and as he arose, came up with him.  This noise causing considerable
+confusion in the assembly, I saw coming upon me, a great number of the
+dead, armed in the same manner with Moreno; and as they pressed upon one
+another, each anxious to pass his neighbour, their bones made a very
+curious clicking.  In the mean time, others marshalled themselves in
+front, to protect me from their assault.
+
+During these transactions, Death sat upon her throne in silence,
+attentive only to the inscription of her subjects names; and as the
+secretaries happened to finish at a moment when there was a slight
+cessation in our tumult, the officer cried—
+
+“Peace—listen!”
+
+I seized this occasion to demand justice of the queen.
+
+“I supplicate your sovereign majesty,” said I, “to do me justice on Diego
+Moreno, who has insulted me in this palace; striking me with his horns,
+knocking me down, and exciting against me the whole host of cuckolds.”
+
+“What defence do you make to this accusation, Moreno?” asked the queen.
+
+“Mighty and wan princess,” replied he, “behold the man who caused me to
+pass in the world as a Vulcan, or a faun: I have always lived pleasantly
+with my wife, never objecting to the French method, of receiving at her
+house priests, soldiers, lawyers, politicians, merchants, and strangers
+of every country.  As the house had a great deal of good company, where
+nothing was wanting, although my wife was no expense to me, I found it
+very convenient; and because I profited by the follies of others, because
+I made that a part of my revenue, because I took advantage of my wife’s
+friends, to amass an estate for my children, the chevalier Quevedo
+derided me, rendering me ridiculous by his poems, and representing me as
+the prince of accommodating husbands; he called me a ram, and made me one
+of the signs of the zodiac: not content with that, he even comes hither,
+and strikes me with a fork.  I demand that he should be retained here,
+and that he be put in a situation during his slumbers, that will
+effectually prevent his waking.”
+
+“Which of the two began the affray?” said Death.
+
+“It was I,” answered Moreno.
+
+“_We ordain_ then, that the name and memory of Moreno shall never be
+forgotten in Spain; that his grave shall be opened, and his compatriots,
+if any yet exist, shall make a pilgrimage, to render homage to his
+ashes.”
+
+After that, they called over the names of the dead; and as they were
+called, they answered _adsum_, “I am here.”  Hearing my own name
+pronounced, which was also that of my uncle and god-father, I answered,
+as the others, _adsum_; at which mistake Moreno taking advantage to laugh
+at me, I hit him a heavy blow with my fist upon his head; but I hurt
+myself more than him, for I almost broke my fingers.  Moreno cast himself
+upon me; I stood firm, and thus we were again engaged in a new combat.
+They endeavoured to separate us, but I had entangled my hands in such a
+manner, in the bones of his arms, that I could not withdraw them; and as
+they pulled me on one side, and him on the other, it gave me such
+exquisite pain, that I awoke, happy and thankful to find myself in my
+bed.  I reviewed in my mind all I had seen and heard, and which is here
+reported.
+
+This vision made such a forcible impression upon my imagination, that I
+yet seem to behold the palace of death, the audience of the dead, and
+Moreno pouncing upon me: finally, I made many reflections upon what I had
+seen.  It is but too true, that all mankind must die; that we are
+surrounded with constant peril; that there is but one thing that can
+insure a tranquil death, and that is, a blameless life.  But to live
+well, one must often think of death.  I believe the dream I have just
+rehearsed, was inspired by heaven; for otherwise I should hardly have
+thought upon my latter end, not even when my life was peculiarly exposed
+amidst wars and battle.  At present, I reflect without ceasing; I have
+totally abandoned trifling and poetry, which are synonymous; and, thanks
+to God, have more satisfaction in reading books of devotion, than
+romances and histories.
+
+
+
+
+THIRD NIGHT.
+THE LAST JUDGMENT.
+
+
+I have read in Homer, that dreams come from Jupiter; and that this cannot
+be doubted, especially when they regard things of importance.  I verily
+believe those of kings and princes proceed from on high: but I will
+substitute the true God in place of Jupiter, who is but a fabulous
+divinity.  The vision I had last year, could not have been derived from
+any other than a heavenly source.  Behold the events that passed: I was
+reading the book of the blessed Hypolitus, which treats of the end of the
+world, and of the coming of God, to judge the quick and the dead, the
+just and the unjust.  I fell asleep over this book, sitting in a large
+easy chair.  All at once, I thought I saw a noble young man, of
+extraordinary beauty, flying through the air, having at his mouth a
+trumpet, that sounded far and wide.  When he had made five or six great
+circuits, I perceived soldiers starting from their graves, full of
+courageous animation, thinking they heard the signal of battle.  Upon the
+other hand, the misers started up, in terror, lest thieves had come to
+rob.  The courtiers imagined that they enjoyed the agitations of the
+ring, or of a carousal.  No one had the least idea that it announced the
+last judgment.  I was strongly tempted to laugh at seeing the maimed, the
+one-eyed, the blind, seeking the one their arms or legs, and the other
+their eyes.  I was equally amused, to perceive the clerks unwilling to
+resume their heads, the slanderers their tongues, and the old women their
+throats.
+
+After all these had come forth, and arrived in an immense and smooth
+valley, very proper for so grand a spectacle, I saw appear people of
+every art and trade; likewise the men of letters, among whose ranks there
+appeared a very considerable embarrassment.  Each community placed itself
+separately; each religion had also its sectaries apart: such as
+Christians, Jews, Mahometans, Pagans, Heretics, and Schismatics.  All the
+people being classed and placed, a judge presented himself, accompanied
+by twelve counsellors, who seated themselves near his throne; beneath
+them were the prophets, in the capacity of advocates.  Immediately a loud
+flourish of trumpets was heard, as if an army of cavalry approached, and
+legions of shining angels appeared, who poised themselves with their
+wings, above those men to whom they had been guardians.  That done, the
+archangel Michael, came and placed himself at the foot of the throne,
+upon which the judge was seated, having in his hand a naked sword, and
+beneath his feet a prostrate devil, as he is represented in churches, and
+called the auditors each by his name.
+
+Adam answered first; he was accused by his demon, with having eaten an
+apple, contrary to the commands of his God; with having neglected the
+gifts he had received at his creation; with having cast the blame upon
+his wife; with having had a bad son, and of other faults which I do not
+distinctly remember.  But I very well recollect, that these reproaches
+produced such confusion in him, that he could answer nothing: his good
+angel answered for him; he confessed the matters of which his party was
+accused; he set forth the excess and duration of his penitence; the
+agonies he had suffered from the decree that involved his posterity, the
+goods which God had seen born of his sin; in fine, he pleaded with such
+ability, that his client was acquitted.
+
+When they called Judas, Herod, and Pilate, their crimes were so glaring,
+that they could neither defend themselves, nor would any angel speak in
+their favour; and they were accordingly condemned.  After them, were
+examined the most noted heretics, and neither could they obtain pardon.
+
+Presently there appeared a number of pagan philosophers, among whom, I
+distinguished the seven sages of Greece, with Plato, Zeno, Socrates,
+Aristotle, and others: there were also Mercury, Trismegistus, an
+Egyptian, Sanconianthon, a Phenician, and Confucius, a Chinese.  The
+majority of these avowed, that they had adored no other than the true
+God.  The judge demanded, if they had given him all the glory, and
+rendered to him all the honour that was his due.  They answered nothing,
+and were not exculpated.
+
+The corps of artists next presented themselves: some of them were
+justified, but by far the greatest part were condemned for larcenies,
+frauds, surprises, and infidelities.
+
+The men of letters then had their turn: many of them were charged with
+having taught and written contrary to their real opinions.  The poets
+made every one laugh, on asserting, that when they spoke of Jupiter, of
+gods and goddesses, they meant the true God, saints, and saintesses: that
+they had never seriously deified the king of Candia, nor the first king
+of Egypt, nor the queens of Cyprus and Sicily; that if these people had
+become idolaters, they ought to take the blame upon themselves.  Virgil
+in particular, was examined very minutely upon that passage of his poems,
+where he invokes the Sicilian muses: he pretended to have spoken of the
+birth of the Messiah; but he was answered that he must then have been in
+the soul of the Son of Pollio.  Orpheus was accused by the ladies of
+Thrace, because he had taught men a love that did not concern them.
+
+The clerks, lawyers, and constables, applied to Saint _Ives de Chartres_,
+to plead their cause; but he refused, saying, he had never been a robber,
+but had always pursued the cause of truth and justice, and that they had
+not acted in that manner.  The devils also accusing them of having often
+been corrupted by presents, and the solicitations of women; few among
+them escaped.
+
+After these, the physicians, surgeons, and apothecaries, were brought
+forward: they justified themselves by the authority of Hippocrates,
+Galen, and Paracelsus; but those whom they summoned, mocked at them, and
+their allegations.  “And who are they,” demanded those eminent
+physicians, “who have cited us, and presume to shelter themselves behind
+our example?”  The unhappy accused then sought the assistance of their
+two saints, _Come_ and _Damiens_; but they refused to defend homicides,
+and judgment of condemnation was accordingly pronounced.
+
+As it is out of my power to follow all the judgments in their order, I
+shall report only those that appeared most worthy of note.  A fencing
+master, being unwilling to approach the bar, an angel extended his arm to
+seize him; but the master, throwing himself into an attitude, made a
+fanciful push towards the angel, telling him at the same time, that from
+such a thrust with the small sword, he would have received a mortal
+wound; that all those who had taken lessons of him, never failed to kill
+their man, and that he himself had always been victorious, till he met
+with his physician.  At last, constrained by force, he was brought
+forward and convicted of all the homicides committed by his scholars,
+who, confident in their skill, had often sought quarrels, for the purpose
+of putting their theory in practice.  For these offences it was decreed
+that he should go into hell in a perpendicular line.  “Zounds,” said the
+master, “I will go as I may, but not in a perpendicular line; I am not a
+mathematician.”  “How,” said the angel, “do you wish to go?”  “In making
+leaps backward before the mouth of hell.”  “Not quite so much subtlety,”
+said the devil; “I will make you obedient;” and he carried him into the
+abyss, that was at the extremity of the valley.
+
+This man gave place to a great astrologer, whom his angel endeavoured to
+bring before the tribunal: he was loaded with almanacs, globes, spheres,
+astrolabes, compasses, quadrants, rules, and papers, filled with
+astronomical calculations.  “You are mistaken,” said he to the angel;
+“the last judgment has not yet arrived, because the constellation of
+Saturn, and that of fear, have not yet finished their courses; it ought
+not to arrive in less than twenty-four thousand years; for God hath not
+created the universe and the celestial globes, not to permit them to
+finish their journeys; and there is yet no appearance of an union of the
+sun and stars, to set fire to the world, as must necessarily happen at
+the last day.  I appeal, then, in advance, against all other judgments.”
+“March,” said the devil, “or I shall carry you.”  “Carry me,” said the
+astronomer, “into the kingdom of the moon; I will reward you well; I am
+curious to see those beautiful countries, we discover with our
+telescopes; the countries of Galileo, of Copernicus, of Tycho Brahe, and
+other celebrated astronomers, who are gone to dwell in the moon, and who
+have bestowed their names upon those regions they inhabit.”  The
+discourse of this fool, did not prevent an accusation before the judge,
+of irreligion, superstition, and other vices which he could not dispute.
+
+I then saw an operator, who, imagining himself to be in a proper place
+for vending his drugs, praised the properties of his orrietan, and the
+virtues of his counter-poisons.  When he came before his judges, he was
+desirous of trying some experiments, and demanded if he should use
+realgal, arsenic, or the blood of toads and spiders.  The devil, who
+stood at his side, asked him if he had any fire ointment.  “How,” said
+he, “are you in want?”  “It is yourself that will soon need it,” answered
+the devil; “because you have cheated so many people with your lies and
+knaveries.”  He was confounded at this discourse, and was led away to
+hell.
+
+When they were close by, he said to the devil, “I perceive the jest; you
+keep here the feast of Peter; I am not so much alarmed as you think: let
+us go, let us go,” said he, entering into hell, “let us go and see Don
+Peter.”
+
+There then came a troop of tailors, the chief one of whom diverted me
+much: he had a pair of scissors in his hand, and a long slip of
+parchment, with which he took measure for garments.  Perceiving me, he
+stepped up and proposed to make me a coat in the French fashion: I
+assured him that I had no need of such a garment; but he ran round me,
+insisting upon taking my measure.  I observed that it was then no time to
+transact such business; that he was before his judge, and had better
+invoke his guardian angel: but the angel advised him to plead his own
+cause, as he could not conscientiously defend a case so obvious.
+“Signor,” answered the tailor, “I engage to give you a suit every year,
+gratis; for it is doubtless for lack of tailors, that you angels go
+always naked.”  “Without dispute;” replied the angel, “for there is not a
+single tailor in heaven.”  “Very well,” resumed the tailor; “I go then in
+person, to defend myself and brethren.  We have never stolen more stuff
+than we could put into our eyes; we threw the useless pieces into the
+street; we have always measured the trimmings of gold and silver, after
+finishing the suit, and took no more than was absolutely necessary.  As
+to the rest, our trade is one inculcating mercy; to clothe the naked, and
+furnish a defence from the cold; meritoriously following the gospel
+precept: thus have we acted, besides suffering patiently the prejudice
+the embroiderers have done us in making the habits of the church.  I
+demand that Saint Martin, archbishop of Tours, who gave the moiety of his
+mantle to a poor beggar, should be heard in our behalf.”  “Saint Martin,”
+said one of the angels, “hath never been the protector of tailors; and so
+far would he be from defending you, that he would condemn you.”  “Ah!
+well,” said the tailor, “oblige us by being yourself our interlocutor.”
+“I consent,” replied he, “and will quickly expose the tricks of your
+trade: the tailors have in their shops a private drawer, which they call
+_the eye_; and it is there they deposit what they steal.  The under part
+of their table and its immediate neighbourhood, they call the _street_;
+and here they cast the superfluous stuffs: so when this master cheat
+asserted, he had never stolen more than might have been contained in his
+eye, or that he threw into the street the waste pieces of cloth, or
+stuff, it was equivalent to saying, that, he had never taken more than
+might be put into his drawer, or beneath his table.  As to the trimmings
+of gold and silver, it is true, they are measured upon the garment, but
+then it is found after the chain of binding is cut, that it stretches
+very easily.  When he said that his trade was merciful and charitable, he
+spoke the truth, if these are the attributes of thieves: but I demand,
+if, without pillaging cloth, they could ornament chambers with rich
+tapestry, build fine houses, give portions to their daughters, bear the
+extravagancies of their children, give sumptuous entertainments, and
+enjoy all the luxuries of life?”  “No, no,” simultaneously exclaimed the
+whole assembly.  The corps of tailors was accordingly condemned, and they
+were precipitated into the abyss.
+
+When all the judgments had been pronounced, the judge, his counsellors,
+the angels, and the elect, launched forth into the air, and ascended to
+heaven, amid an harmonious concert of trumpets, and other instruments.
+Those who remained in the valley, and had not been sent to hell, were in
+despair, because they were not able to follow the array of the blessed.
+When the celestial throng had wholly disappeared, a most horrid tumult
+ensued: the planets fell from their orbits, the mountains came together
+with dreadful washings, the earth gaped, and all who remained fell into
+the abyss, uttering such piercing shrieks that I was seized with terror.
+I awoke, and felt the most lively pleasure to find myself out of danger.
+I reflected afterwards upon the multitude of the guilty, and the small
+number adjudged innocent.  Oh, how necessary it is, that all the living
+should experience a similar vision, that they might be witnesses of the
+disorder, of the despair, and torments of the damned.  It would suffice
+also to exemplify the piteous confusion, which can neither be expressed
+nor comprehended, that will not fail to happen at the last day.  I am not
+now surprised that the Israelites, at the foot of Mount Sinai, could not
+endure the noise of the thunder that resounded from its summit.
+
+
+
+
+FOURTH NIGHT.
+THE COUNTRY AND THE PALACE OF LOVE.
+
+
+ON the fourth day of January, I had passed the evening in the company of
+some beautiful and amiable young ladies.  Contrary to my usual custom of
+retiring at an early hour, I sat up late, amusing myself and trifling
+with these ladies, which brought to my imagination, during sleep, the
+most delightful images.  I fancied I heard a voice, which recited these
+verses, borrowed by Virgil from Theocritus:
+
+    “What phrensy, shepherd has thy soul possess’d?
+    Thy vineyard lies half prun’d, and half undress’d,
+    Quench, Corydon, thy long unanswered fire;
+    Mind what the common wants of life require.
+    On willow twigs employ thy weaving care;
+    And find an easier love, though not so fair.”
+
+I am ignorant by what paths I was conducted, but I suddenly found myself
+in a most delightful country, such as the poets are wont to describe the
+isle of Cyprus and the gardens of Love; it was bordered by two little
+rivers, one of which was sweet, and the other bitter water.  These
+waters, conducted by a subterranean canal, united in a great basin of
+white marble, placed in the middle of a garden.  After I had promenaded a
+little, to admire the beauty of the trees, and respire the perfume of the
+flowers, I entered into a long and magnificent walk, planted with citrons
+and oranges: upon each side were arbours, adorned interiorly with
+paintings and sculpture, and surrounded without by jessamines, laurels,
+honeysuckles, and other shrubs.  At the extremity of this walk, there
+appeared, in perspective, a large and superb edifice, which was called
+the _Palace of Love_.  The porticoes were of the Doric order: upon the
+pedestals, the bases, the columns, the cornices, the friezes, the
+architraves, and the chapters, were, in half relief, little cupids, who
+disported themselves in all sorts of gambols.  There was written upon the
+gate in letters of gold upon a black ground, this inscription:—
+
+    ‘Behold the palace of the happy,
+    The abode of lovers.’
+
+The custody of the gate was committed to a woman of a nymph like
+appearance: her name was Beauty.  She was tall and well proportioned: her
+features were regular, and her whole appearance so seducing, that her
+name seemed to answer her description exactly.  Her garments were
+magnificent, but their transparency permitted the sight of charms that
+eclipsed the light.  The whiteness of the snow would have yielded to the
+whiteness of her bosom: in a word, she had about her that, I know not
+what, of enchantment, which no pencil could delineate, or language
+describe.  She made me so gracious a salutation, that I was emboldened to
+request of her a conductor, to show me the apartments of the palace.
+
+“Address yourself,” said she, “to the Introducer; he is lodged in this
+wing,” motioning me with her right hand to the left side of the edifice.
+
+I thanked her, and went in quest of the Introducer, who was at the same
+time the Inspector of this smiling country.  I perceived in him an old
+man with a long beard.  He received me with great civility; and having
+signified to him my desire, he told me that he would himself conduct me
+to the foot of the throne of the Queen.  He girded upon his thigh instead
+of a sword, along sharp scythe.  He took for a cravat, an hour-glass with
+golden sand; and for a hat, a bonnet of mercury with wings.  To do me
+honour, he preceded me.  We entered immediately into the apartment of the
+girls, which was separate from that of the women who have arrived at
+maturity.  In perambulating these chambers, I saw all these girls
+singularly occupied: there were some who wept with jealousy against the
+widows; others were filled with inquietudes, not daring to avow the love
+with which the other sex had inspired them.  “My lover,” said one, “is
+extremely cold; he is too timid; O that the same privilege of declaring
+our inclinations was permitted to us, as to the other sex!  I would speak
+a language to him, which he should respond.”
+
+Some of them read or wrote letters; they used a great deal of paper in
+that business; for in order to say that they would not, they destroyed,
+recommenced, destroyed again, and recomposed the same lines; they desired
+that their words should have a double meaning, and that their lovers
+should understand that, which they had no intention of making them
+comprehend.  Others, placed before their mirrors, studied their gestures,
+giving expression to their features, endeavouring to put grace into their
+smile, and gaiety into their laugh.  Certain of them, plucked the hair
+from the chin and eye-brows; others applied plaster to their faces; many
+of them, to cause paleness and a more interesting appearance in the eyes
+of their lovers, ate plaster, jet, charcoal, and Spanish wax, contrary to
+the custom of the French, who diligently avoid those substances that can
+give them a yellow appearance, as saffron, pepper, salt, and every thing
+provocative.
+
+From this apartment, I passed into that of the married women.  Some of
+them grieved at the jealousy of their husbands, and others at the avarice
+of theirs.  There were those who caressed their spouses, that they might
+the more easily deceive them: there were others who concealed money from
+their knowledge, to purchase finery, or make presents to their gallants:
+there were others who made vows, and projected pilgrimages, to the end
+that they might enjoy the company of those whom they could not otherwise
+see: and others, who spoke continually of the sweetness, of the handsome
+mein, and good proportions of their confessors.  Some there were, who
+said that there could be no pleasure more consummate, than in revenging
+ones self upon ones husband; some, also, that the most insupportable
+torment to a married woman, was to be obliged to answer the caresses of a
+husband whom she did not love: many, that the pleasantest hour was that
+passed at the play with a gallant.  There were those too among them, who
+had taken their waiting maids into confidence, and strove to engage them
+in their interests by every indulgence.
+
+Contiguous to this place, was a spacious pavilion where we found the
+widows.  Some of this class affected austerity and modesty; but others
+gave themselves up to all sorts of folly.  Many were exceedingly joyous,
+although they were in mourning: many were sad, because black did not
+become them; many, on the contrary, judged that crape was their chiefest
+ornament, and that it served best to exhibit the brilliant whiteness of
+their complexion.  The old widows wished to imitate the young, while
+these sought to improve their time to the best advantage.  Those who
+exhibited the most lassitude, were generally young widows, who waited
+with impatience for the year of mourning to expire; but others spent
+their time cursing the memory of their husbands, who had prohibited
+second nuptials.
+
+I was soon weary of my visit to this apartment; folly and libertinism
+were not to my taste.  My conductor perceiving it, took me by the arm,
+and said that he would show me the amorous devotees.
+
+“Yet, for all that,” said I, “love and devotion can hardly agree;
+however, let us see all.”
+
+“Oh, ho,” said Time; “yes, true devotion; but know that it is as rare to
+see true devotees, as women without love: these same true devotees have
+at least those with whom they are not much upon their guard, and when
+they are not observed, cannot resist the seductions of a handsome and
+assiduous cavalier: in default of that they take their confessor.”
+
+Thus conversing, we entered into the apartment of the devotees.  Almost
+all prayed to God, either for the health or the return of a lover: many
+to be soon married, or to be always handsome, or for death to rid them of
+a rival.  Some of these women performed their devotions while waiting for
+their gallants.
+
+As the character of these women had in it nothing agreeable to me, I
+besought my conductor to lead me to the abodes of the men; the more,
+because I would hear from thence a concert of instruments; he showed me
+the entrance into their quarter.  I found in the first hall, a great
+number of fiddlers and pipers, who concerted a serenade for the following
+night.  In the second, I saw men who made their toilets, and arrayed
+themselves in new garments, of the favourite colours of their mistresses.
+In the third, were those who prepared to send presents to their fair
+friends.  In the fourth, were lovers who put themselves in attitudes to
+fight in duel with their rivals.  In the fifth, they read novels, or made
+extracts from them.  In the sixth, were the old fellows who were mad for
+love.  In the seventh, were young men sick, and who dared not disclose
+the causes of their indisposition.  In the eighth, married men did that
+for their mistresses, which the wives did for their gallants.  In the
+ninth, widowers imitated the actions of the widows.  In the tenth, in
+fine, the gentlemen of the church showed themselves more amorous than the
+men of the world, because they are addicted to less general dissipation,
+and have fewer opportunities for the gratification of their inclinations.
+
+As I came out of this place, I heard a clock striking with a heavy sound,
+and reverberating throughout the palace.  “What is that?” said I to
+Opportunity.
+
+“That,” said he, “marks the hour for private conversation and
+appointments; enter into this large hall; you shall soon see a great deal
+of the world: wait for me, until I shall return to conduct you out of the
+palace, for otherwise you will not be able to find your way.”
+
+I went into the hall, in which were a great number of seats.  The
+magnificence of the tapestry, which represented the fabulous
+metamorphoses, corresponded with the style of the edifice: at the
+extremity was a throne of ivory, silver, and gold, under a canopy
+enriched with pearls and precious stones.  When the persons of both sexes
+had entered and sat, a woman of a strange figure, and clad in a very
+whimsical manner, placed herself upon the throne; they called her
+Passion.  Another woman, whom they called Folly, sat near her, and spake
+as if she was the queen’s chancellor.  Forthwith this princess began to
+set forth the advantages that had been gained over the empire of Reason,
+who had been for a long time her enemy.  While she was speaking, a
+stately dame named Jealousy, promenaded through every part of the hall:
+she inspired some with fear, and made others laugh; at length she came
+near me, and said—
+
+“It is not without some purpose, you are here and separate from the rest;
+perhaps you are more fortunate.”
+
+I answered, that “I found myself there without any particular
+design.”—“Excellent,” replied she, retiring; and from time to time she
+revisited the place where I was, to see if some girl did not come to join
+me.  As I divined her thoughts, I strove to give her uneasiness; I
+affected to exhibit the same myself; I looked anxiously from one side to
+the other, as if I had expected some one.  I remarked this woman made the
+same motions.
+
+When the queen had finished her discourse, many persons presented
+petitions, which were all forthwith granted.  After that, the princess
+announced to all her votaries, that she granted them the propitious
+moment, and retired.  Immediately each one presented his hand to his
+partner, and hastened from the hall.  Some went into chambers, and others
+walked about.  There was no one but Jealousy remaining in the chamber
+where I was; she promenaded about the hall, murmuring:—
+
+“I shall see,” said she: “I will watch; I will discover: I will hinder: I
+will talk: I shall not be inactive.  Ah, good,” cried she to me with
+vivacity; “what do you do here? depart, I wish to close the gate.”
+
+As I expected my guide, I was not willing to go out, lest I might lose
+myself in this vast edifice.  “I wish to wait here for Opportunity,” said
+I, “who ordered me to remain in this hall, till he should come to rejoin
+me.”
+
+“Reckon not,” replied she, “upon this old dotard; he will not return; he
+is gone upon the stream, with the others: believe me; quit this place:”
+and thus speaking, she took me by the shoulders, and thrust me out.
+
+I walked upon the garden terrace until I saw descend a silken ladder.  I
+immediately thought that this was an invitation made to me, and thinking
+of nothing but the novelty of the adventure, I ascended.  I entered by a
+window into a chamber, where I saw a man and a young girl sitting at
+table: they were both surprised at my presence, but especially the young
+cavalier, who remained immovable: presently recovering himself, and
+addressing himself to the lady:—
+
+“Ingrate, this is then the manner in which you betray me! you have then
+certainly two lovers, and perhaps fifty?”
+
+“Me, sir!” said she; “I swear to you I know not this gentleman; assuredly
+he has made a mistake, in taking my window for that of some other.”
+
+“Yes, yes, he is deceived, but it is in these two particulars; that, in
+the first place, he thought me gone; and secondly, in taking my ladder,
+for that you are accustomed to hang out for his accommodation; but he
+shall repent it.”
+
+Immediately drawing his sword, and taking his dagger in the other hand,
+he would have stabbed his mistress.  I also drew my sword, and put myself
+before the lady, to guard her from the blows of this madman: he dealt me
+several lunges, which I parried; I drove him to the window, and as he
+perceived himself hotly pressed, he sprang out, which gave me immense
+chagrin.  The lady had left the chamber; I sought her in vain, and the
+agitation of this circumstance awoke me.
+
+I leave it to the consideration of the reader, if this vision is not a
+faithful image of profane love: this is the beauty that seduces us; this
+is the time we improve; this is the passion which governs us; this is the
+jealousy which torments us; this is the hour of temptation: a rendezvous,
+a private conversation, a walk.  This is that violent motion which leads
+to crime.  I leave also to the reader, to make his own reflections upon
+the occupations of lovers, upon their desire of pleasure, upon their
+intrigues, upon their pains.  I am persuaded that no one can have an idea
+upon the subject, without disapproving of the wanderings of love.  It is
+not reason which rules in the palace I have traversed: for reason is an
+enemy whom they attack, whom they disarm, whom they put far from them,
+although she is but a kind friend, who never takes up arms but to succour
+us.
+
+
+
+
+FIFTH NIGHT.
+THE WORLD.
+
+
+IF a man of genius, or one only of ordinary discernment, could view the
+interior of the world, he would feel indignant at himself even for living
+with so much degradation; he could not prevent himself from pitying or
+despising those who are attached to it, and who allow themselves to be
+deceived by its seductions and artifices.  There is hardly a person who
+speaks as he thinks; one never sees the intention of the actor; honesty
+and knavery have often an air of resemblance; truth and hypocrisy appear
+like sisters of the same father; civility and curiosity assume the same
+colours; friendship and interest are with difficulty distinguished.
+
+These reflections occurred to me while walking in my garden; I entered
+into a summer house, favourable for meditation, and inclined to slumber
+by the coolness of the shade, and the murmur of a neighbouring rill, fell
+asleep.  During my repose, I fancied myself in the midst of a great city,
+called Hypocrisy.  They informed me that it was the capital of the
+internal world, and bore the same relation to it, that Rome did to the
+external world, in the time of the emperors.  It was here the king of the
+internal world usually resided; he was called _Self Love_; and although
+he had this appellation, which is, for the most part, in rather bad
+odour, he was dear to his subjects, who made it their chiefest glory to
+imitate him, and had no other object than the honour of their sovereign.
+The two principal ministers of this king, were Interest and Ambition: the
+governor of the city was Pleasure.  The guards of his majesty were
+designated by the names of other human passions; the gentlemen of his
+court were lackeys, well accoutred; the farmers of the revenue called
+themselves _ministers of finance_: the lawyers, _counsellors of the
+king_: the thieves, _judges of police_: the grooms of the stable,
+_equeries of the king_: the mountebanks, _physicians_: the bankers,
+_masters of accounts_: the clerks of the church, _abbots_: the clerks of
+the palace, _secretaries_: the students, _doctors_.  There, tailors wear
+velvet and gold lace; coblers are cordwainers to the king; gaming houses,
+academies: discreditable places, houses of good society: pimps,
+convenient people: coquettes, ladies of honour: women of pleasure,
+devotees: black girls, handsome brunettes: in fine, coquetry is
+friendship: usury, economy: deceit, wisdom, or prudence: malice, wit:
+cowardice, equanimity of temper: temerity, valour: parasites are amiable
+people: slanderers, free people: and in like manner of others; for in
+this country we perceive every thing to be contrary to that we see in the
+external world.
+
+As I promenaded the streets of this city, I met an old man, who inquired
+of me if I was a stranger.
+
+“Yes, I am,” said I.
+
+“That is very apparent, from the surprise you testify at the novelties of
+this city; but if you choose, I will show you things that will astonish
+you much more: come into my house.”
+
+Having accepted this courteous invitation, he preceded me without
+ceremony, observing, that this was the custom in France.
+
+“Oh, signor,” said I, “it is no more than justice, that you should be
+free in your own house; and I know that it is the French humour, not to
+accord precedence upon such occasions: because he who first enters,
+escapes closing the gate upon the inside.”
+
+We found in the chamber of this old man, two young friars, preparing to
+go abroad.  They assured us, they could not remain any longer, because
+their superior had ordered them to be present at a funeral procession, to
+get their wax taper, and customary gratuity.
+
+“What admirable charity in these people,” said I, “who go to a funeral,
+not to pray, but to gain.”
+
+Soon after, hearing a chanting, we looked from the window to learn the
+cause.  We saw a funeral procession, in which were arranged many priests
+and religious, with a long file of relations.  It was a woman whom they
+carried to the grave; the husband was almost mad; and I said to my old
+friend, “My God! this man is extremely afflicted!”
+
+“Do you believe that?” answered he: “listen to what he says, when he
+arrives opposite.”
+
+In fact, when he came near the house, I heard him say, “I am not so very
+unhappy after all! she has wasted the half of my fortune: she has been
+sick in bed at my expense these last six months; and her obsequies will
+cost me a thousand crowns!  Ah, Lord!” cried he in a loud voice, “why is
+she dead? and why did you not take me first? or rather, good Lord, why
+did you not take her before she had dissipated my money?”  At length,
+reverting to a more pleasant theme, “I must,” said he, “marry Lucilla:
+she having been a serving girl, will not be fond of ostentation; she
+knows nothing about luxuries, since she cannot even read.  To be sure,
+being young and inexperienced, she made a misstep; but the remembrance of
+her fault will make her wary.  Of the two maids my wife kept, I shall
+discharge one; so in three or four years I shall save the expense of this
+burial.”  “I gain by this chance,” said a relation of the deceased, who
+came next: “I gain ten thousand crowns, because she died intestate.”
+“This pest of a woman,” said a maid servant who followed, “never failed
+to take advantage of every opportunity, and yet entertained an extreme
+jealousy of my master and me.”
+
+“Zounds!” said I to the old man, “these people are very sincere!”
+
+“The things you see here,” observed he, “are those which are concealed in
+the external world; but if now, you have any curiosity to know with what
+occupations widows beguile the time, after the death of their husbands,
+step with me a couple of paces and you shall see.”
+
+I directly consented; the object appearing well worth the trouble.  There
+was at the distance of three or four doors from this chamber a grand
+apartment, the entrance of which was hung with black, and the stair-case
+covered with the same material.  We went in, and after traversing a long
+hall, garnished in the same manner, entered into a little room, the
+tapestry of which was black velvet; the bed of beautiful red damask,
+covered with black crape, with silver fringe.  In it reposed a young lady
+of the most conspicuous loveliness, one of the fairest I have ever
+beheld.  I offered her my condolences upon the death of her husband, whom
+my old friend had informed me was a gentleman of the sword, and a loyal
+subject of the king—_Self-love_.  She answered, smiling in the most
+affable manner, that she was highly sensible of my politeness, and that
+she felt very happy that the death of her husband had procured her the
+pleasure of my acquaintance.
+
+“Oh!” exclaimed I, to myself, “what affliction! but let us examine a
+little farther.”
+
+I approached the bed, and sat down upon a sofa near by: we conversed upon
+many things indifferently, and at length came upon the adventures of
+young widows.  At this period of the conversation, raising herself up to
+take her handkerchief, she exposed to my view, with a beautiful shoulder,
+a neck fairer than moonlight.  Just as this sight had inspired me with
+love, I heard a man snore, who was upon the other side of the bed.  She
+drew the curtain, and gave the gallant a slight cuff, saying, “you are
+very impertinent to sleep thus near a lady in bed.”  The other awaking,
+was going to revenge himself upon the lady for her slight buffet.
+
+“No, no,” said I, “do not; I should rather be punished myself.”
+
+Both of them then began to turn their raillery upon me.  Perceiving this,
+I left the chamber, beckoning the old man to follow.  I was greatly
+scandalized at such conduct, and my companion did nothing but laugh.
+What people you have here! amiable widows!
+
+Some hours afterwards, I accidentally met in the street, the beau whom I
+parted with at the widow’s.
+
+“It is thus,” said this man, accosting me, “that widows console
+themselves, and redeem the time they may have lost with a cross, jealous,
+or avaricious husband.”
+
+“You understand these matters well,” answered I; “and madam will soon
+forget her loss.”
+
+Conferring thus together, we became familiar: he was anxious to learn my
+name, and told me his own, which was Joy.
+
+“I am not astonished,” said I, “the beauty listened to you.  A quarter of
+an hour spent in your society, will abundantly recompense her for the sad
+and weary years passed with a jealous spouse.”
+
+When the old man saw us thus pleased with each other, he said he would
+leave me in the company of this honest person, and that he should expect
+me at his house to supper, after the play, to which we had determined to
+go.
+
+At the theatre we saw comedies about equivalent to our tragedies; and, in
+fact, of so close a resemblance, that one might almost fancy them the
+same.  The story of the one I saw was this:—Two young persons met at the
+house of a mutual friend, to concert measures to gain the consent of
+their parents to their marriage: their degree was not equal; the girl was
+nobly born, and an heiress; the young man poor, and the son of a
+merchant.  They both promised to put in requisition every possible method
+that could be devised, to vanquish the opposition of the old folks upon
+whom they depended.  The young man said he would make himself an
+advocate, and afterwards a counsellor in parliament; the expence of which
+he could easily defray in one year after his marriage, with the help of
+his wife’s dowry.  The girl, on her part, promised not to refuse him any
+token of affection; and agreeable to their plan, she was to inform her
+mother, that she was pregnant by _Signor Virodeno_; for thus was her
+lover called.  In order to the furtherance of this design, they
+instigated their friend to pretend to betray them, and to apprise the
+parents of both parties of what was passing.  The parents hastened to the
+spot; the lovers came promptly from the chamber; they both heaped
+reproaches upon their daughter, and as the mother was about to strike
+her, she declared herself pregnant.  “Unhappy wretch,” exclaimed her
+mother, “you will always be a grief to me; you will bring dishonour upon
+the family: I will strangle you on the spot.”  “Stop,” said her husband,
+“you will only expose yourself to be hanged: we must think rather now to
+conceal this disgrace.”  “No, no,” said the mother; “let me stab her to
+death with this knife.”  She would have executed her resolution, had not
+her more discreet husband disarmed her, saying, “recollect yourself,
+madam; you were in the same situation when I married you; and if your
+mother had killed you, you would not to-day have made all this uproar.”
+But as she continued to give way to fresh paroxysms of indignation, her
+husband enforced his reasons with some wholesome correction.  He
+subsequently conferred with the parents of the lover, who promised to do
+every thing for the advancement of their son, in consideration of the
+rank of the young lady’s family, with whom they would not be at variance.
+The company then gave a loose to mirth; they found out the young couple
+were well matched; they busied themselves in preparations for the
+nuptials, and sent to apprise the young man, who had taken refuge at the
+house of the governor of the city.  He came, accompanied by the proper
+officers; the marriage was celebrated; nothing was wanting at the feast,
+and they parted on the best of terms.  All this scene was in such perfect
+keeping, that the young espoused were married at the house of the
+maternal father-in-law, who himself did the honours of friendship.  Thus
+they conclude marriages and other matters: so that there, one can see the
+minds of people, and the purpose of every man’s action.
+
+At the palace it is the same; every thing is laid open; the advocates
+plead not, but _pro honorario_; the solicitors think of nothing but
+prolonging the suits by those incidents they themselves devise; and the
+judges, for the purpose of enhancing their fees, deliver a hundred
+judgments, when one would answer.  As a specimen of their method, take
+the following decree:
+
+“Having taken into consideration the petition of Signor _Thief_,
+solicitor to the lord _Stupid_, the court do order, that the parties have
+day in court, for the space of four years, that the fees may absorb the
+sum of three hundred pounds, which must be expended in this suit.  Done
+at our court of the palace of _hypocrisy_, at the winter term of the
+current year.  _Pecunia_, President.”
+
+What I have related of the palace, is to exemplify the spirit that reigns
+in this city; the same influence governs the court, the army, the
+treasury, and the theatre.  There were in a box adjoining ours, at the
+latter place, two men, who discoursed concerning the sale of certain
+merchandize.  The seller said, “I wish you to give fifty thousand livres,
+for what cost me thirty; but I wish to make a thousand crowns profit.”
+The other was not willing to give more than a hundred pistoles.  At last
+they agreed upon the thousand crowns, upon condition that the seller, who
+was a steward, should give to the purchaser the titles to the rents of
+certain farms, without the knowledge of his lord, and upon which event
+the purchaser was also to give a feast.  After the play, I went to seek
+my old friend; upon meeting him, he informed me that the king,
+_Self-love_, was fallen ill; and that on account of his indisposition,
+the whole city prepared to testify their gratitude.
+
+“How,” said I, “can you think of diversions, when the father of the
+country lies sick?”
+
+“Yes,” said he, “it becomes us to rejoice; it would be hypocrisy to do
+otherwise, when we have a prospect of changing our master.”
+
+“In the world of which I am an inhabitant,” rejoined I, “we feel the most
+lively sorrow, if our prince falls sick; and our religion commands us to
+offer up prayers for his health.”
+
+“And we,” answered the good man, “are taught to rejoice; for we have no
+other policy than interest, and to which your religion is opposed.”
+
+“If Self-love should die,” said I, “you would perhaps be governed by a
+less popular king.  Pleasure, who aspires to the crown, Interest, nor
+either of the other princes of the blood, would exercise a dominion so
+happy and sweet.  These princes are naturally proud, cruel, and
+vindictive: in the place of which, Self-love is often, nay, almost always
+solicitous for the preservation of his subjects.”
+
+The conversation turned upon this topic, for some time.  The old man,
+contrary to the usual spirit of aged people, was desirous that Pleasure
+should succeed to the throne.  As for myself, I maintained that the
+nation would be less happy, under such a sway.  After our soup, he wanted
+to carry me to see the fireworks, and the ball the governor gave upon the
+occasion.  I refused to go; these things seeming to me very ridiculous,
+on account of the cause that elicited them.  The old man was much
+offended at my refusal; he told me that I was a sour, dissatisfied man,
+and an enemy to the general joy.  I replied, that he was an old fool, and
+that if he molested me any more, I would throw him out of the window, and
+put his family to the sword.
+
+At this moment we heard the cry of fire in the house; and the common
+danger caused us to forego our quarrel.  The uproar was caused by a
+servant girl, who, because her mistress refused, from some cause or
+other, to pay her wages, had set fire to the house, from motives of
+revenge.  They pretended to extinguish it in a very curious manner, which
+was, by throwing on light stuffs, soaked in oil.  I dreamt that a great
+sheet of flame suddenly enveloped me: I awoke on the instant, crying that
+I was in a house environed: and thinking the noise I heard came from the
+flame,—I cried, “_fire_!”  A servant that was seeking me in the garden,
+ran, upon hearing me, and told me that some one waited to see me.  When I
+had finished my business with this person, my dream caused me much
+reflection; the more I thought upon it, the closer seemed the resemblance
+to what is taking place in the world: in fact, it is _Self-love_ that
+reigns, and these are the passions that govern us; and whoever could see
+the heart and soul of men, would find them arrant hypocrites.  The world
+itself is the city of Hypocrisy.  It is in this city, that interest,
+ambition, pleasure, vengeance, anger, and all other evil passions conceal
+themselves.  The more I examine, the more clearly these truths
+appear:—That whosoever could disabuse himself for a single moment, would
+be so, for the remainder of his life: and he who really desires to know
+himself and the world, would learn from observation, more than he has an
+idea of.  The world is, of all things, the most difficult to understand,
+and that which one ought to know the best.  There is no person who
+distrusts himself; consequently, there is no one who realizes, that it is
+deceptive, filled with self-love, attached to its own interests, seeking
+its own gratifications, vain, unquiet, restless, presumptuous,
+vindictive, pure outwardly, criminal within, lovely and fair in
+appearance—deserving, at bottom, of hatred and contempt: and what is
+still more incomprehensible about this same world, is, there is hardly an
+individual who doth not love it; they lose by this love, and they know of
+a surety, that it is to this attachment they must attribute their losses:
+meanwhile, it pleases all: they seek after it; they wish to serve it;
+they abandon to it all which they hold most dear.  Some sacrifice to it
+their honour for pleasure; others their lives for glory; and some
+surrender their repose for the poor ambition of fortune.  But it was for
+us, the world was created; and that is really the victim one ought to
+sacrifice, to preserve his honour, to enjoy eternal pleasures, to acquire
+true glory, and amass treasures, that neither rust nor envy can
+spoil.—Think not, my dear reader, what I have here presented to you, a
+dream, a vision; it is more real than you imagine.
+
+
+
+
+SIXTH NIGHT.
+HELL.
+
+
+I had been, during the autumn, at the country house of one of my friends.
+In the parish where he resided, that had not seen its bishop for thirty
+years, there had recently been settled a new curate, a fluent preacher,
+and very much devoted to the instruction of his flock—reading every
+Sunday homilies and sermons, and the greater and lesser catechisms.  One
+day, I went to hear one of the familiar exhortations, which he usually
+gave to his people, concerning heaven and hell: he depicted the latter in
+such strong colours, that the whole audience were moved; and each
+whispered to himself, O frightful residence!  Full of these ideas myself,
+I returned to sup at my entertainer’s house.  After quitting the table, I
+extended myself on a couch; and my friend, seeing me soon overcome with a
+pleasant slumber, for we had fared sumptuously, left me, to enjoy himself
+the same refreshment.  During sleep, I dreamed that I was at the outlet
+of an extensive forest, from whence diverged two roads, the one smooth
+and broad, the other rough, covered with stones and ditches, thorns, and
+thick entangled bushes.  I pursued the first, in which I remarked many
+houses of pleasure, and multitudes of people, who travelled in carriages,
+on horseback, or on foot, at a moderate pace, without fatiguing
+themselves.  One might see there, persons of all ages, sexes, conditions,
+and estates; one might find there, shops, magazines, taverns,
+play-houses, and societies of women; in fine, people of every country and
+religion.  I was not surprised that many came from the narrow way into
+ours; but I was greatly so, at some who went from this fine road into the
+other, which caused me to inquire where it terminated: as to ours, I
+thought it led to Madrid.  Some one answered, that the little way
+conducted to Paradise; and the one where I was, direct to Hell.  I
+pursued my journey without making any other reflection.  Having travelled
+about a quarter of a league, I began to perceive a bad odour, as of
+sulphur and bitumen, and supposed it proceeded from baths of mineral
+waters, which diffused a strong scent at a great distance around.  I
+advanced constantly, and arrived at last before a large edifice, which
+answered the description of Pluto’s palace, as it is represented in
+fable.  I found at the gate an immense devil, horrible to look upon.  At
+this apparition, I stepped hastily back, two or three paces, and drew my
+sword, suspecting that some one was thus disguised, to do me an injury.
+The porter, perceiving my embarrassment, approached, telling me to fear
+nothing; for he was thus clothed, to deter the saints, who constantly
+endeavoured to abstract the damned from hell.
+
+“It is then true, that this is hell,” said I.
+
+“Yes, at your service: enter, enter, my lord, one had better come here
+living than dead.”
+
+I immediately walked in, and besought a devil whom I met, to show me the
+apartments of the palace: he called himself _Curiosity_; this was his
+appellation of war, or rather that of his employment; for as angels take
+theirs from their offices near God or men, so likewise demons are named,
+from the services they execute, or the dignities with which they are
+invested.
+
+“They denominate me _Curiosity_,” said the demon, “because it is I who
+inspire men with the desire of seeing, listening, proving, and tasting;
+and as it is curiosity that opens the door of sin, so it is I who open
+that of hell.”
+
+“You may conduct me there,” said I, “on condition that you bring me back
+to the gate again, after I have examined it; and you will oblige me still
+farther, by leading me afterwards to paradise, which I would also visit.”
+
+“It is not I,” replied Curiosity, “who can conduct you thither, and open
+the door; the guide of the way is Retirement, the porter, Virtue; but I
+will show you every thing worthy of notice here, and reconduct you to the
+place from whence I take you.”
+
+“Very well,” said I, and followed him.
+
+We first entered into a spacious court, where the devils were scourging
+the unhappy, who cried, “pardon, pardon, my God!  I did not reflect—I did
+not believe—who told me of these things;” and many other similar
+expostulations.
+
+“These,” observed the devil, “are people, that have come to hell without
+thinking about it, without fear, and without believing it.”
+
+“They were then honest in their faith; but why punish those guilty only
+through ignorance?”
+
+The devil replied, “they ought to think upon the matter, to instruct
+themselves, and be persuaded that hell is no place for mercy—so much the
+worse for them.”
+
+I passed from thence into a great chamber, where there were many men
+gaming, who swore and blasphemed because they had lost a little money, or
+played a bad card.  “Behold these people,” said I to the devil, “how
+impatient and hasty!”
+
+“That is the cause of their being here.”
+
+In another room we found comedians, who mourned at their captivity, shut
+up for having made the world laugh.  Said they; “if by chance some
+equivocal words have impressed the spectators with evil thoughts, was it
+not rather their fault than ours?”
+
+“Oh,” said the devil to me, “if they had done no more than that, they
+should scarcely have come here; but think of their lost time, knaveries,
+and secret crimes!  In the terrestrial paradise, a male and female
+comedian enacted a scene, that hath given to the devil the whole human
+race.”
+
+“Ah! who had they for spectators when they were alone in the world?”
+
+“No, it is not the comedy which damns the players; it is what passes
+behind the scenes.”
+
+In the following chamber were the physicians and their suit: they
+composed poisons for themselves; they took the doses when prepared; they
+bled and purged themselves, and tried every dangerous and disagreeable
+remedy in medicine, surgery, and chemistry, to procure death to
+themselves, and could not succeed.
+
+“They once used their art,” said the devil, “for a bad purpose, and now
+their art fails them at their utmost need: do what they will, they cannot
+die, because the air of hell is a fire which purifies and conserves.”
+
+In a cabinet near this chamber, were a number of persons endeavouring to
+make gold, or to speak more plainly, sought to discover the philosopher’s
+stone: among them I recognised Tarnesier, he who made the nail half gold
+and half iron, which is in the museum of the duke of Tuscany; also a duke
+of Saxony, and a duke of the Medici, who knew how to make gold during
+their lives, but forgot the secret when they came to hell.
+
+“Is, then, the making of gold so heinous a sin?” inquired I of the devil.
+
+“No,” answered he, “but it is a grievous offence not to know how to make
+it, and that is the reason these gentlemen are here.”
+
+“And the others,” said I, “who never pretended to have made the
+discovery!”
+
+“Oh, they have not passed off copper for gold, as these have done.”
+
+“Let me see the devotees now,” said I to my conductor; “they are a
+species of humanity that will divert me.”
+
+“You are right; these are the fools of hell; it will be more instinctive
+to look at them than those of this apartment.”
+
+As we repassed the chambers we had visited, I heard some one exclaim,
+“Look at this poor devil, who knows not where to bestow himself;
+Curiosity is seeking a lodging for him.”
+
+“Signor,” said one of them to me, “remain here, with the devil’s
+permission, if you cannot be accommodated elsewhere.”
+
+I passed by without answer, not wishing to hold any intercourse with the
+damned.  I found in this place monks and devotees who had hated one
+another so rancorously, that they had abused the most holy things of
+religion, and wasted the time of the church in giving vent to their
+malice, and afterwards would excuse their conduct in terms not used in
+the world but to express the most moral, sacred, and holy actions.
+
+“Ah, what hypocrites,” said the devil; “it would have been better for
+them, if they had delivered themselves openly to those pleasures, they
+concealed under the appearances which deceive the vulgar.”
+
+In another part they were praying after this fashion:—“Lord, let my
+father soon taste the joys of Paradise, that I may take possession of his
+estate.”—“Lord, take speedily my uncle to thy bosom, that I may have his
+benefice.”—“Great saint, make me fortunate at play; disdain not my
+prayer; grant that my children may contract opulent marriages, and
+prosper in the world.”—“Let my daughter espouse the noble Spaniard.”—They
+uttered other supplications fully as extravagant, and added promises and
+vows.—“I will give a hundred crowns to the poor, ornaments to my church,
+a dowry to six unhappy orphans, two wax tapers, and a chaplet of flowers
+to our lady.”—“I will wear a dark coloured habit,” said one girl; “and I
+a white,” said another.  The first replies, “I am brunette, the violet
+suits my complexion;” the second, “I am red, the white becomes me best.”
+
+Next to this apartment was that of women and girls who had been lovers,
+and whose number was very considerable.  As the history of their folly
+was similar, I felt unwilling to listen to it, but traversed their
+chamber without stopping, and entered into the quarter of the poets, to
+have the satisfaction of beholding the great geniuses of antiquity.
+There I was much surprised to find Homer, sitting in the midst of the
+Grecian poets, and reading his own _Iliad_, he who had been so blind
+during his life.  I was tempted to ask him some questions respecting his
+works, and had an idea he would reply in verse.  With this view I walked
+round the circle that was formed, and spoke in these terms to the prince
+of poets:—“O, illustrious Homer! light of the universe! author of the
+most sublime fictions! the beauty and price of thy writings surpass the
+grandeur of the king of Spain, the wisdom of Charlemagne, the abundance
+of Ceres, the girdle of the Graces, the tenderness of Venus, the
+delicacies of Bacchus, the brightness of Aurora, the height of heaven,
+the depth of hell, the vastidity of the ocean, and the variety of the
+world, a Spaniard who wants neither spirit nor courage, of Quevedo,
+demands of thee if the victory thou hast attributed to the Greeks before
+Troy truly belongs to them; and if Paris, that tender lover, actually in
+vain took so much trouble to carry off their chaste Helen.”
+
+Homer, rubbing his eyes, answered me thus:—“Here there must needs be
+sincerity and truth; for we pay dearly for the boldness and obloquy, that
+weak mortals admire: our torments are eternal.  I never was in Ionia: I
+passed my life in Greece; to honour this nation I sacked Troy; a city
+strong, rich, fortunate, and always victorious, and that was finally
+destroyed by an earthquake.  Helen, to whom I have accorded the honours
+of fidelity, was the least scrupulous of all our frail damsels.  Leave me
+to relent over what hath charmed all the poets of the world.  Go from
+this place, and tell mortals you found me reading, against my
+inclination, those works that have attained the universal suffrage.”
+
+His discourse affected me.  I pitied this old man, who wept upon reading
+his poems; but I reflected that he had invented all those fabulous
+incidents, to which both pagans and Christians are equally attached.
+Homer, this genius who knew how to assume so many changes, had he need to
+endow with heavenly powers, those brave men whom he sent to the siege of
+Troy? he might have created heroes, without making them gods: to be sure,
+it is always permitted to poets to feign and magnify their subjects; or,
+in other words, the subjects thus aggrandised and exalted to heaven have
+no sublimity but in poesy and upon paper, like the figures that painters
+trace on canvass, or sculptors upon marble.  How could the Greeks mistake
+and worship gods who had such an origin? however the thing has happened,
+Homer is the cause, and now mourns over his poetry and himself; he has
+for companions in misery, his disciples and imitators.  Ought this not to
+serve as a lesson to living poets, who, abusing their talents, compose
+and read seductive works, causing those who think themselves in a
+condition to do the like, to lose their time, and often corrupting the
+heart in recreating the mind.
+
+From this chamber I passed into that of the Latin poets.  Ovid and Virgil
+there disputed the throne.  Horace chafed that he was not admitted into
+the contest, and Martial revenged himself upon them by a piquant epigram.
+Horace protested against the whole proceeding of the two first; he
+demanded arbitrators, and nominated on his own behalf Scaliger, who has
+declared that he would rather have been the author of the ninth ode, than
+the possessor of the crown of Arragon; but they would not notice him.
+The other poets espoused the party that suited them best: many declared
+for Seneca the tragedian, for Terence, and Plautus.  These last, read in
+a corner of the chamber the finest passages of their compositions.  They
+now began to talk of settling the dispute with blows: fearing, therefore,
+that I might get an unlucky hit in the mêlée, I left the place, and
+passed hastily into the chambers of the Spaniards, Italians, French,
+English, Turkish, Chinese, and Persian.  I noticed the ancient Gaulish
+poets, crowned with misletoe of the oak, making processions, and singing
+the histories of their first kings.
+
+“Here, upon this side,” said Curiosity to me, “is a chamber of perfumers;
+they have fine scents for the gratification of the damned; but you would
+hardly be able to bear them.”
+
+“I will take,” said I, “a pinch of snuff.”
+
+I drew forth my box, helped myself, and offered it to my devil; he filled
+his nose, but from the titilation he felt in his olfactories, he withdrew
+his fingers, when he began to sneeze in such a manner, and with such a
+noise, that hell itself seemed sinking under us, he belched forth fire
+from his nose, as lightning flashes from a cloud; he put his fore-finger
+to it, and there issued forth a rivulet of liquid sulphur, which uniting
+with his saliva, formed a torrent of boiling water, that flowed across
+the chamber, and passed through the doors and windows; without that I
+believe I should have been drowned.  These waters fell upon people
+underneath, who began to call for help, thinking a river of melted
+sulphur and pitch fell upon them.  The devil laughed heartily at this
+disorder, and told me my snuff was excellent: he asked for another pinch;
+I did not dare to refuse him, because he was in his own house; and such a
+refusal might, perhaps, have made him regard me as impolite.  But this
+time, when I put my fingers into the box, the powder took fire as if it
+had been saltpetre, and burnt in my hands, at which accident I was not
+sorry, being apprehensive of another disorder, similar to the first.
+
+We then entered the chamber of the perfumers: they were occupied in
+extracting essences of intolerable odours, which are as agreeable to them
+as jessamine, tuberose, orange, and others in use among the men and women
+of our world: they made these essences from the oil of the box tree, from
+wax, jet, and yellow amber.  Their pomatums were composed of galbanum,
+assafœtida, rosin, pitch, and turpentine.  I was informed that these were
+for the use of the ladies of hell, who were served by the perfumers, and
+who were, at the same time, obliged to use their compounds, in obedience
+to the laws of Lucifer.
+
+From thence, we proceeded along a broad aisle, which terminated at an
+elevated pavilion, the apartment of the astrologers and magicians.  I met
+at the door a chiromancer, who desired to inspect my hand.  I extended it
+without ceremony; but scarcely had I touched his, before I was glad to
+withdraw it, it seemed so hot and fiery.
+
+“I have remarked at a glance,” said he, “that you will be happy if you
+are prudent.”
+
+“And you,” said I, “what have you noticed with regard to your own?”
+
+“I knew,” replied he, “by the mount of Saturn, that I was to be damned.”
+
+“Ah, well! if you had exercised the prudence you recommend to me, you
+would not have been here.”
+
+I passed without further speech, and saw a man, who, with compasses,
+measured upon a globe, the distances between the celestial signs: “what
+are you doing, good man?” said I.
+
+“Ah, God!” replied he, “if I had been born but half an hour sooner, when
+Saturn changed his aspect, and Mars lodged in the house of life, my
+salvation had been certain.”
+
+The others made similar observations, so that one could hardly forbear
+laughing at their complaints.  There came up one named Taisnerius, author
+of a book upon physiognomy and chiromancy, who gazed in my face for such
+a length of time, that he quite embarrassed me.
+
+“You look like an old burnt shoe,” said I to him; “go your ways; do not
+stop so near me.”
+
+“Look at this beggar,” said he; “see how he affects the man of
+consequence, because he wears a sword by his side, and hath the cross of
+Saint James!  What a physiognomy!  What an aspect!  What a figure!  This
+man goes straight to the gibbet: besides, there is here neither wealth
+nor rank; all are equal.”
+
+“Insolent fellow,” said I; “if I draw my sword, I will teach you how to
+speak to a man of honour; have you not had experience enough to be wise?
+you ought to bear in mind the correction you received in Portugal, for
+treating a gentleman in the same indecorous manner you have me; but you
+are incorrigible.”
+
+“Taisnerius,” said my devil, “get into your hole, and draw your own
+horoscope.”
+
+After this trifling dispute, we advanced, and encountered many
+astrologers, among whom were Hali, Gerard of Cremona, Barthelemi of
+Parma, a certain personage by the name of Tondin, and Cornelius Agrippa.
+The moment this last perceived me, he cried out that “the world did him
+injustice, in calling him Agrippa the black—in accusing him of magic, and
+other similar things, for which, he averred, he had not been damned: that
+he was born in an age of ignorance, when good physicians passed for
+magicians, astrologers for sorcerers, and all learned men for people who
+had converse with the devil; that his book upon the Cabala, was nothing
+more but a satire upon the cabalistic art of the Jews, and the little key
+of Solomon; and finally, the book itself might be taken as a criterion of
+his faith, in those things by which they deceived the simple, and of the
+vanity of that science.  I am no more a magician,” continued he, “than
+Cardan, whom you can see if you wish.”
+
+“Why then have you been damned?”
+
+“Because I abused my knowledge, and amused myself with people’s
+credulity; if I had indeed been a magician, I should have become
+penitent, and been saved.”
+
+While I was speaking, I heard a tremendous uproar, proceeding from
+another apartment, and inquiring the cause, was informed the Turks were
+fighting; and as I happened to understand their language, discovered the
+quarrel was, in fact, between Mahomet and the two prophets, who had each
+established a sect in the Mahometan law.  Mahomet complained very
+bitterly against Ali, because he had given to the Persians a false
+Alcoran, and because Albubekir had so illy explained his own, in Africa.
+He, on the contrary, maintained that the Alcoran could have no other
+meaning, than what he had attached to it.  Ali asserted, there was no
+reason in this law; and furthermore, he contended, that Mahomet himself
+knew nothing about the book he had composed.  They chafed furiously upon
+this, and cried out, as if enraged to madness; I heard their dialogue,
+but do not wish to be the herald of their quarrels.  This was gentleness
+itself, compared with what passed among the heretic and schismatic
+Christians; there I saw Luther in the habit of the Augustine order, with
+his monks about him, and a pot of wine on the table.  “Do the dead
+drink,” said I, “to the devil?”
+
+“Not at all; but this wine is set before their eyes, for the purpose of
+tormenting them with the sight of what they loved so well; it is for the
+same reason, that Luther has his wife with him.”
+
+Melancthon was also there; he wept continually, and was so unquiet, that
+he could not remain an instant at rest: he traversed from right to left
+upon all sides, and then returned to the place from whence he set out,
+only to recommence the same journey.  “What is this man doing?” said I to
+Curiosity.
+
+“He imitates the conduct he pursued in the world; for there he was
+alternately with Luther and the church; sometimes a Zuinglian, and
+sometimes a Calvinist; thus are the inconstant tormented.  This good old
+man whom you see here, is Erasmus; this other is Grotius; unhappily, they
+neither of them had any religion.  This man, who appears so sour, and is
+surrounded with ministers, is Calvin, who brought about the reformation.
+These others, are heretics of the first ages, who are here for being
+reluctant to submit to legitimate authority.  See the great Photius
+patriarch of Constantinople, how the Greeks surround him: he is justly
+punished for having quitted the ministry for the patriarchate; if he had
+remained in a civil station he would have been saved; but being mixed up
+in ecclesiastical affairs, he committed so much wickedness, that he now
+suffers no more than he deserves.”
+
+“A man so learned!” said I to the devil.
+
+“Yes, too much so; and too much knowledge is often more injurious than
+profitable.”
+
+I began now to tire of hell, and fatigued with my walk, intimated a
+desire to my conductor to depart, and to be accompanied by him as far as
+the gate.  He replied, he wished first to show me the apartment of the
+contractors, whom I had not yet seen, and which was upon a line with that
+in which we were.  I then entered into the chambers of these farmers of
+the revenue, and was surprised to see such a multitude, each habited in
+the garb of his own country.  “There are here, then,” said I, “people
+from all quarters of the globe.”
+
+“Yes,” replied the devil, “since there are every where imposts.”
+
+“But why,” demanded I, “are these people damned, who have levied the
+lawful tribute of legitimate princes?  I have read in the scripture that
+it is lawful to pay tribute unto Cæsar: how shall this tribute be paid,
+unless there are people to collect it? must one be damned for doing a
+duty?”
+
+“Hold, hold,” cried the demon; “not quite so much philosophy; these
+contractors were full as philosophical as you are; but it is nevertheless
+true, if they had only levied the tribute due to their prince, they would
+not have been damned; but they raised one not due, either to the prince
+or to themselves: they would have been much better off, had they not made
+so much expense, and the prince had given them but a shilling for a
+pound.  Calculate, for a moment, what an enormous sum is requisite, for
+the compensation of the host of subalterns attached to an office;
+consider then, how much the principal must gain; add to that, what goes
+into the coffers of the king, without mentioning what is styled the
+_perquisites_, and you will find that not more than one per cent of the
+ducats are realized at the treasury; and that, he who gets the most, is
+doubtless the farmer.  If the king of Spain would oblige them to send
+straight to him the custom on exports and imports, he would profit by
+that the contractors get.  There needs but one commissary, for all the
+revenues of the king, in each office; he should supervise all the books
+and accounts, contenting himself with a generous salary for his care,
+punishing frauds by pecuniary fines, and by corporeal inflictions for
+second offences.  If the matter was thus managed, the king would be
+richer, and taxes less; the people would be less burthened, and almost
+all this great number of contractors, would remain in commerce, in the
+army, or country.  How much should you say,” demanded the devil, “the
+king received, of what is annually taken from the royal mines?”
+
+“About three quarters,” replied I.
+
+“He would be too well off,” exclaimed he, with a cry of admiration; “he
+does not get the thousandth part; all goes in outfits, in expenses; and I
+verily believe, that if these things are to continue thus, the king would
+gain more by closing them, than in causing them to be worked.”
+
+“At present,” said I, “there is a necessity of levying imposts, of having
+contractors, and paying them well: the neighbouring princes do the same,
+to furnish their charges and expenses of war: if this is an evil, it is
+one that must be endured, to preserve the whole body politic from
+destruction.  But how is it possible, you can so vehemently dislike the
+gentlemen of the revenue, who form by far the largest part of your
+infernal population?”
+
+“It is the force of reason,” answered he, “that compels even demons to
+avow the truth, and both to love and detest the wickedness we are
+desirous of detecting in others, to make them companions of our misery.”
+
+“I admire,” said I, “the force of truth; and I admire not less to see
+injustice hated, even among the unjust; but I cannot comprehend, why you
+should say, that however legitimate the tribute due to the prince, the
+contractors cannot conscientiously take the public money.”
+
+“You misapprehend me; that they can do; but the farmers collect more
+money than is consistent with equity, or the orders of the prince; they
+extort that which should be useful for the maintenance of the public
+weal: it is of this charge, of this waste, the contractors are guilty.”
+
+“I understand you,” said I to the demon; “but conduct me from hence, for
+I am weary.”
+
+He continued:—“Do you comprehend what I say, that it is the contractors
+who are most happy and rich? and from whence come those superb mansions,
+as magnificently furnished as the Escurial palace? how can they support
+such enormous expenses? entertain so many gentlemen? give their daughters
+such ample dowries? contract advantageous alliances with the noblest
+families of Castile and Arragon?  Such an one shall command to-day, and
+be covered in the king’s presence, who a year since drove a chariot, or
+stood behind a carriage.  Another, who hired his land, shall presently
+purchase the farm he formerly cultivated.  Appointed a subaltern in one
+of the offices, he soon becomes its head, and is elevated by degrees to
+the nobility.”
+
+The demon having finished, I thanked him, and wishing to impress the
+lesson on my memory, engaged him to repeat it.  He summed up the whole in
+the following manner:—“Observe neither what reason or the law prescribes
+to thee, respect neither God nor the king, lay the peasantry under
+contribution, succumb to the great, become a great proprietary farmer,
+cause the purchaser to pay you twice for what you sell: to put out of
+sight the baseness of your origin, obtain an appointment in one of the
+bureaux, and accustom yourself to command; for by these gradations one
+may arrive at the highest dignities.”
+
+“What signifies all that,” said one of the contractors, who listened to
+our discourse; “is it not natural for a person to elevate himself if he
+can?  Is it not the order of Providence, that the lofty should be abased,
+and the humble exalted?  Fortune is but a wheel, which in its revolutions
+puts underneath what but now was on top.  If the subjects were more
+attached to the government, the sovereign would have less need of
+imposts, and consequently of collectors.  If they were perfectly just,
+they would not need a king.  To complain of our avarice is to accuse
+heaven; instead of which only the impenetrability of individuals should
+be reproached, who would rather see a great kingdom like Spain entirely
+overthrown, than advance a single real to repair the slightest breach.
+Know, Signor Devil, who has delivered such a philippic against the
+contractors, that we have been to our country, what the bones and muscles
+are to the human body, or numerous armies to a province threatened with
+an invasion: if the king of hell would but consult with us, we should
+teach him to fortify his dominions in such a manner, that they would be
+impregnable to both saints and angels.  In the first place, I would lay a
+tax upon every demon who plies his occupation in the world: secondly, I
+would establish a daily employment for each soul in the infernal world:
+thirdly, I would make the magicians and sorcerers pay an annual tribute:
+this will be done, for I have heard the king of the demons was about to
+organise a council of financiers; and this is a subject that might well
+engage even the attention of that celebrated Englishman, who invented the
+first paper currency of England.”
+
+“And wherefore,” said the demon, “impose a tax on us?  What will you do
+when we refuse to pay?  Can you confiscate our estates?  In what prisons
+will you confine us when you have decreed our arrest?  We should mock at
+all your projects: ah, little man! you grow licentious! you must be
+chained up; come, obey; extend your hands and legs.”
+
+“I shall do neither the one nor the other,” said the contractor; “you are
+not here our master; I will call the financial council together; and I am
+going this instant to denounce you to the grand inquisition, because you
+resist paying tribute to the king of Spain.”
+
+“I laugh at your inquisition,” said the demon, “and to be beforehand with
+you, I will denounce you to the prince of devils himself: come, quick,
+obey; extend your hands and legs.”
+
+The contractor found himself loaded with irons, in spite of his
+remonstrances: the devil then went into the apartment of the inquisitors
+to subject them to the same treatment, and afterwards returned to
+accompany me to the gate, as I had requested.
+
+“These insolents,” muttered he, “these insects! what pride! what
+rodomontades! was there ever seen such supercilious knaves?  But I will
+humble them in such a manner, and make them suffer so much, that they
+will have no stomach to talk of imposts and taxes.”
+
+When we had left these contractors, (whom I regard as the most unhappy
+class in hell, because, let them do ever so much good to the prince or to
+the state, let them be ever so upright in their administration, nay, even
+if they were angels, they could not escape accusation and hatred) our
+attention was attracted by an immense crowd, which had arrived and filled
+up the avenue in such a manner, that we could not pass, and so were
+obliged to fall back to the opposite gate.  “Who are these people?”
+inquired I of the demon.
+
+“They are,” replied he, “a corps of tailors; they arrive here in crowds,
+like great armies, and when they come, all the demons are put in
+requisition to confine them; my duty compels me to assist; go with me,
+and amuse yourself with our proceedings.”
+
+We made our way through this crowd of tailors, and arrived at length,
+before a great furnace, the mouth of which was more than ten fathoms in
+diameter.  There they bound these tailors in faggots, putting from ten to
+a dozen in each bundle: they fastened each one by the feet, and then
+brought a rope about the whole package, and afterwards suspending the
+faggot to a hook, which was elevated by means of a pulley, over the
+centre of the furnace, a devil detached it, and let it fall into the
+fire.  Sometimes the tailors who had their arms free, grasped so firmly
+the pulley, that the devil had an infinite deal of trouble to loose their
+hold: when that took place, he caused the whole mass to make a pirouette
+in the air, and as the motion was violent, the tailors were always forced
+to let go, and drop into the fire.  It happened that one of these faggots
+fell outside the aperture, upon a quantity of others, which were ranged
+like a pile of wood, and which the devil measured.  The individuals of
+this faggot, seized hold of the others in such a manner, that they could
+not separate them; so that the devils who united their strength for that
+purpose, were obliged to take the whole pile, attach it to the hook, and
+let it all go together.  The mass was so great, that it seemed as if it
+would choke the fire of hell.  The devils bestirred themselves, and
+finally made an end of the tailors; they then cast in a great quantity of
+oil, tallow, and sulphur, and stirring them up with long iron tormentors,
+and employing large bellows, the fire caught all at once, and raised a
+flame, that rose above the mouth of the furnace more than three hundred
+feet.  All the tailors having been cast into the fire, their demon
+general, with a haughty and severe air, came to demand of me, why I had
+not been bound with the others.
+
+“Because,” said I to him, “I am not a tailor, a rogue, a thief, neither a
+cabbager of stuff nor money; I am here with my companion, Curiosity, to
+inspect the beauties and antiquities of this country.”
+
+“You are a liar,” replied the general; “you are one of my subjects; I
+know you by your strait-cut dress, which, without doubt, you have made
+out of the clippings of some other; come, obey; cast yourself into the
+fire, or I will throw you in.”
+
+As he was about to bind me, my demon informed the general that I was not
+yet dead; that I had never been of any trade, and that he believed I
+should not be one of their subjects, because those who descended quick
+into hell, conducted themselves afterwards in such a manner, as not to
+revisit it after death; furthermore, the cross of Saint James, (which I
+carried,) would inspire fear, and cause false alarms in the bosoms of the
+damned.
+
+“Come hither, then,” said the general, “and profit by what you see; you
+know, at least, that tailors are the fuel of hell, and serve to burn
+those that come hither.”
+
+My demon advised me to go promptly, because if the general should get
+angry, he might do me a mischief.  In walking along, he informed me the
+unhappy tailors were so numerous, that they not only fed the great
+furnace of hell, which warmed all the apartments, but also furnished the
+table of Lucifer, when he had a mind to feast.
+
+“How!” exclaimed I, “Lucifer eat?  Can spirits eat?”
+
+“Do you not know,” replied he, “that the damned are as the herb the sheep
+eateth, and that death is this sheep?  Have you not read in your sacred
+books, that death devoureth the damned?  _Mors depascet eos_.”
+
+While he was speaking, we met a troop of booksellers, at whose head was
+one Peter Marteau, a publisher, of Cologne; he was loaded with a burden
+so unwieldy, that it was impossible to comprehend how any one man could
+bear it.  They informed me, these were the books printed under his name,
+after his death.  The booksellers of Holland were also very heavily
+laden; and those of France bore also the books struck off at their
+houses, with the title of a Dutch bookseller.  These people were carrying
+their books to the furnace, but were prevented by a singular accident: a
+demon, who passed by with a flambeau, approaching to look at them, their
+papers caught fire, and instantly spread from one to another through the
+whole body: when they perceived the flame, they threw down their loads,
+and fled with all convenient speed.  I asked them why they were damned:
+they answered, for the faults of others.
+
+“An author,” observed they, “often carries a work to the printer, which
+has no merit, and besides, as unsaleable as a girl, ugly and poor: by
+this means the printer is ruined; in vain he curses the author, and seeks
+to reimburse himself by the sale of an unpopular book; this book is the
+cause of his failure; his creditors seize his goods and shop; he maddens,
+and resigns himself to despair.  A translator, who understands Greek,
+undertakes a dull work; sometimes he supposes he has discovered a
+manuscript; he carries his translation to the printer, who, not being
+able to get rid of it, sells the leaves to the grocer or butter woman.
+Another cause of our damnation; a bookseller sells at a handsome profit,
+the _satires_ of Juvenal, the _comedies_ of Terence, and of other poets,
+as those of Virgil and Ovid; a lackey, a shop-boy, a soldier, a clerk,
+purchase these works, and amuse themselves among serving girls, with what
+cost long study to these men of genius.  Without mentioning other books
+we vend, and which obtain circulation, only because they flatter the
+taste or passions of the buyer, is it not true, that a pretty story of
+gallantry, secret memoirs, cabinet intrigues, which profess to expose the
+designs of the government, or the end of some great affair, are the most
+dangerous books? and these are the kind we sell best.  Is it us, then,
+upon whom reproach ought to fall, or on the readers?”
+
+“He speaks advisedly,” said a Holland publisher; “we have put to press
+all the follies of certain authors, who wished to revenge themselves,
+either upon a mistress, judge, minister of state, or prince; and for this
+we must needs be adjudged guilty of other’s faults, and share their
+punishment! but that would have been slight, if we had not meddled with
+books of religion.  We have published in Holland the works of all
+parties; Christians, Jews, Catholics, Protestants, Socinians, Quakers,
+and every other sect; and often in the same book, sold both sides of the
+controversy.”
+
+“You have then,” said I, “no religion!”
+
+“We are,” replied the Dutchman, “the historians of authors; and as a
+historian must have neither relations, country, friends, nor religion,
+even so we have none of these; but under the name of citizens of the
+world, have but one object, and that, the advancement of our own
+interests.”
+
+Immediately upon these words, he hastily fled with the others, to
+re-assemble themselves near the demon of the book merchants, who called
+for his whole crew.  I felt great compassion at the fate of these unhappy
+wretches, condemned to hell, because they were brought up to the
+profession of publishing the dreams and extravagances of authors: it is
+worthy also of reflection, that they are compelled to consult the taste
+of the age, and of the multitude.  Now the taste of the age is
+exceedingly fickle: it is not that of learned men and wits; books of
+morality and criticism are purchased much less readily than novels and
+profane histories; so that book merchants, in their condition, have an
+unhappiness that attaches itself to no other trade, independently of the
+fact, that this business is not held in the same estimation at the
+present day, that it formerly was.  They were then ranked with men of
+letters; they were admitted to the bar and church; the cardinal Ximenes
+bestowed on them great preferments; he ennobled him who published the
+famous _Bible d’arrias montars_.  We see, in his time, publishers who
+possessed rich abbeys and seats in the council.  And what was not done
+for them by the fifth Sixtus, that incomparable genius?  In France, they
+arrived at great distinction, and have been seen in the first posts of
+the principal cities of the kingdom; and we know that a celebrated
+emperor of Germany, was one of the first publishers, if not himself the
+inventor of printing.  But to return from this digression: when the book
+merchants were re-assembled, the notaries, who had just arrived, wished
+to place themselves in their ranks; but the devil used his authority to
+separate them, averring that there was, in fact, a vast difference.
+
+“Without doubt,” said the notaries, “we are the book merchants of
+manuscripts; we compose and publish our works, to which the public accord
+the same faith, as to things they have themselves seen; we are faithful
+public witnesses, the guarantees of contracts, promises, and obligations;
+the guardians of titles, rights, and privileges; our testimony is true,
+infallible; above suspicion, deceit, and fraud.”
+
+“Why,” said the devil, “are you come to hell? for if you fulfilled those
+duties, you are honest people, and I declare, not only useful, but
+necessary to the public; for, between ourselves, there is so little
+public sincerity, that if one could not prove, by writings and witnesses,
+the price at which he bought or sold, he would often find himself cheated
+of his money.”
+
+“It is,” said one of the notaries, “for some antedates or superfluous
+ciphers, that we are damned; judge you, if the matter is of such vital
+consequence; one is so often deceived by writings, and one figure is so
+easily substituted for another;—the pen too, slips sometimes, and a
+nought is so easily made!”
+
+“You are right, in truth,” said the devil, addressing himself to me;
+“they wrong these poor people, in sending them to us; they have committed
+trifling faults, while they do not punish the apothecaries, even, for
+putting up the recipes sent them.  I have a great mind to send these
+unfortunate persons home again.—Go; return, my friends; you have suffered
+great injustice.”
+
+“And we also,” said the corps of bankrupts; for they had done them the
+honour to separate them from the merchants, who had dealt honestly.
+
+“As to you, Signors,” said the devil, “enter into the furnace, without
+further examination: we leave it to the notaries to enter at pleasure;
+they have within them a torment as cruel as fire; it is conscience, that
+never yet respected any person.”
+
+“Oh, oh! ah, ah!” cried the bankrupts, “if they had not wronged us, we
+should have kept our faith with every one: would you, because we were
+cheated, that we should send our families to the almshouse?”
+
+“I did not go to Holland, or to the islands, when I failed,” said one; “I
+shut myself up in a private room in my house, and there negotiated,
+through my wife, with my creditors, making each one to remit a part of
+his just claims: you know what would have happened, had I appeared; there
+is seldom much charity among creditors.”
+
+“I,” said another, “did much better; for I transported from Madrid to
+Venice all the merchandises I had collected, changed my name, and after
+having made a fortune upon these goods, paid the principal, on condition
+they would remit the interest: was there not in this bankruptcy, good
+faith, justice, and prudence?”
+
+“Yes,” replied the devil, “and I cannot conceive on what grounds you were
+condemned; it is very evident it must have been for something else.”
+
+“No,” continued the man, “it was for this very thing; because they
+pretend that for these twenty years, I have injured my creditors, in
+depriving them of the enjoyment and possession of their property;
+consider, Signor devil, if I am under an obligation to repair this
+damage? would it not only be ridiculous, but render them guilty of usury
+towards me.”
+
+“Ah! the honest man,” said the devil; “why do they send to us folks so
+upright and sincere? but my friend,” continued he, “you have the ill luck
+to be found in bad company; we cannot help you; arm yourself, therefore,
+with courage, and prepare to support the sufferings to which the
+bankrupts are destined; you will be forced to accustom yourself to much
+pain; but console yourself, by uniting your complaints with those of your
+comrades.”
+
+Directly the devil stamped upon the pavement, where the publishers,
+notaries, and bankrupts stood, when a trap door, springing open,
+engulphed them all, and closed itself as before.
+
+At this stage of my dream, I was awakened by a serenade of violins and
+hautboys, that some one gave to a young lady of the house.  I immediately
+arose, and looking from the window, saw a number of young men, who, after
+a prelude upon their instruments, began to sing.  As there was no window
+but mine open, they imagined they beheld the beauty to whom their homage
+was addressed; and to amuse myself at their expense, I threw out a
+splendid handkerchief, which one of them eagerly caught; he kissed it
+more than an hundred times; then putting a diamond, worth thirty
+pistoles, into a purse, threw it into my chamber, with a billet couched
+in these terms:—
+
+“My charming princess, at night my heart awakes for thee; by day, I am
+only occupied with your charms.  I burn, without cessation, with the love
+you have inspired; when shall I have the happiness to express to you in
+private, what I feel, and what your silence causes me to suffer? one
+sweet line from your hand, shall re-assure and console me.  Speak, and
+nothing can equal my happiness; continue silent, my misery is at its
+height, and I have no relief, but in death.”
+
+After perusing this billet, I answered it in the following manner, the
+substance of which was furnished by a song I happened to remember.
+
+“When one reigns, or when one loves, the pain is not without its
+pleasures; solicitude renders them more vivid.  Happy prince!  Happy
+lover! it is not in vain you suffer; they will resist you but slightly,
+when they themselves suffer from protracted resistance; yes, when one
+reigns, or when one loves, the pain is not without its pleasures.”
+
+I cast my billet from the window, and it was soon taken up.  The
+adventure seemed to me very pleasant: behold what followed; I deposited
+in the bed of the fair, the diamond that was designed for her, not being
+able to keep it longer with honour, and without exposing myself to the
+anger of the young lady, who would soon know by what window it entered.
+Upon retiring the next night, she found it; she informed her lover of the
+discovery, and he explained the whole affair.  She thanked me graciously
+for my gallantry; I gave her the billet I had received, and she returned
+my handkerchief.  The mistake arose from my having lain, that night, in
+the chamber ordinarily occupied by this young lady, her bed having been
+removed to that of her father, and on that account was unable, as usual,
+to answer her gallant.  She made me the confidant of her attachment, and
+besought my good offices with her father, which I so zealously used, that
+in less than a month, I assisted at the marriage of these lovers.
+
+Those who interpret dreams, say, that the one I had concerning hell,
+hardly presaged this adventure.  I pray those who read my reveries, or
+nocturnal visions, to consider that they contain more truth, than one
+would be apt, at first, to imagine: by day they ought to occupy
+themselves with thoughts upon hell, as intently as they would in the most
+important affair; or as they would seek the means of deliverance, if shut
+up in prison, for a crime against the state.  One is damned for a less
+offence than the robbery of the treasury, revolt, or parricide.  Yes, for
+a much slighter fault, one shall be eternally tormented in hell.—Reflect
+often upon this, dear readers, lest you have it to say, through the
+interminable ages of futurity, “_I could not have thought it_.”
+
+
+
+
+SEVENTH NIGHT.
+THE REFORMATION OF HELL.
+
+
+AS I promenaded one day in my garden, thinking of demons, which are
+always at the back of every one, the foolish idea struck me, that it
+would not be wholly useless to reform my life.  I felt a curiosity to see
+my evil demon; but, thought I to myself, if I should see him I believe I
+should die with fear.  No, said I again, I should not be terrified, if he
+would but show himself in a human shape.  After having repressed this
+improper curiosity, and resumed my composure, I heard a man speaking to
+me; and turning my eyes to that side from whence the voice proceeded, I
+perceived, through a grated door, which separated the garden from the
+park, on the other side, a gentleman of a good mien, who requested me to
+open the gate, as he wished to have some conversation with me.  As he
+resembled a man with whom I had formerly some misunderstanding, I
+refused; but he passed over it before I had the power to prevent him.
+Immediately drawing my sword, I set upon him; and he doing the same,
+parried my thrusts and stood upon the defensive only.  As I perceived
+that his figure at one moment contracted, and anon dilated to a huge
+magnitude, I began to suspect that he was either a magician or a demon;
+and stepping rearward some paces, demanded who he was.  He answered that
+he was my demon, and wished to render me a service.
+
+“I have no need of such service,” said I to him; “for demons are both
+deceptive and malicious.”
+
+“No, no,” replied he; “fear nothing; only come with me.”
+
+Forthwith he transported me into the air, and I soon lost sight of my
+house and garden.  In a short time we drew near the moon; and while
+passing, I gazed attentively upon those valleys, mountains, and lakes,
+which are but imperfectly perceived from the earth by the aid of
+telescopes.  The demon transported me to Sicily and set me down upon the
+summit of a mountain covered with cinders yet hot, which he told me was
+Etna.  There was, from this place, a very fine prospect; one sees all the
+beauties of the isle, and of the surrounding seas: in the distance, the
+highlands of Africa are distinguished, like fleecy clouds, upon the verge
+of the horizon; a multitude of vessels were sailing in view, which seemed
+like white ants, or flies, sporting upon the surface of the ocean.  After
+we had rested there about one hour, the demon told me to follow him.  We
+descended into an aperture from whence belched forth smoke and flame that
+illumined the whole mountain.
+
+“It is here,” said the demon, “that Pliny fell, when he had the temerity
+to approach too near.”
+
+The whole way, as we proceeded, was composed of rocks and fat earth, like
+bitumen, and from time to time, might be seen veins of sulphur.  The
+rocks were full of little crevices, from whence issued vapours and
+sulphurous exhalations, and sometimes slight gusts of wind.  When we had
+travelled downwards about the space of an hour, we came to a vast cavern,
+into which we entered; at its extremity was an immense palace, hewn in
+the rock, and elevated upon massive pillars.
+
+“This,” said the demon, “is the palace of Lucifer.  Let us enter into the
+great hall, where we shall see him give a general audience to the damned:
+listen attentively to what shall be said; examine the events that take
+place, and let what you shall see serve for your instruction.”
+
+The following is a correct account of what I saw in these subterraneous
+abodes.—For a long time, Lucifer, the ruler of hell had not given
+audience to his subjects: the disorder that ordinarily obtain in states
+from the negligence of princes, are incidental as well among demons as
+men.  The evil spirits remained sometimes for ages in the world, without
+rendering any account of the souls they had gained, and often suffered
+themselves to be driven from the tenements of which they were masters;
+the address of some monk or priest snatching from them their conquest.
+Men performed in hell the office of demons; and as they frequently left
+their chains to seek their enemies, battles were as common, as formerly
+between the Romans and Gauls.  Lucifer, either from a fear for his crown,
+or weariness at seeing so many combats, resolved one day to hear, in
+general convention, the complaints of the damned; to introduce a reform
+among the demons; to re-establish the submission and obedience due to his
+sceptre, and to extend the boundaries of his empire by new conquests:
+this was very easy of execution, provided he would give access and free
+parlance to his subjects, and compel his demons to render an exact
+account of their administrations.  With this design he secretly consulted
+with Belzebub, the prince of devils, Belial, the governor-general of
+Pagan nations, and Ashtaroth, the princess who commands all women.  At
+the termination of this council, circular letters were published, which
+ordained that all those who had complaints to prefer, and all the demons
+scattered over the world, should assemble upon an appointed day in the
+great hall of the palace, when and where they should be heard.
+
+The day fixed being arrived, the hall was presently filled, and measures
+taken, that as soon as one party was heard, another should enter.
+Lucifer was seated upon his golden throne, having upon each side those
+princes I have before mentioned.  After having inveighed against the
+disorders prevalent in hell, and stated his determination to rectify
+them, he signified his permission to the standers by to speak.  At this
+intimation there arose an old man of a haughty appearance, and having a
+crown of laurel upon his head; he read the Roman laws touching
+parricides, and amplified upon the ingratitude of natural and adopted
+children towards their parents.
+
+“The parties,” said Belzebub to Lucifer, “must be ordered, before
+commencing their speeches, to announce their names, because many of them
+have been dead a great length of time.”
+
+Such a decree was accordingly made; and he who had now spoken about half
+an hour, said that he was Julius Cæsar, the first emperor of the Romans.
+“Under the pretext of the liberty of our common country,” continued he,
+“Brutus and Cassius, to gratify their ambition, assassinated me in the
+midst of the senate, their enmity was not directed against the empire and
+monarchy, which were, on the contrary, the object of their desires; but
+they hated the emperor, who had magnified the Roman power, and extended
+its dominion both north and east.  Was the government better administered
+in the hands of those senators, who, by their feuds and personal
+dislikes, perilled the salvation of the republic, by resigning it into
+the hands of a perpetual dictation, whom they were obliged shortly
+afterwards to elect?  Rome having once tasted the benefits of monarchy,
+preferred rather to obey a Nero, a Tiberius, a Caligula, or a
+Heliogabulus, than to re-establish this pretended public liberty, for
+which Brutus and Cassius, those two traitors, took up arms against the
+father of their country.”
+
+He continued his discourse in this strain, and concluded by moving, that
+they should be treated in hell as assassins, public disturbers, and
+traitors.
+
+Brutus then arose, and with a trembling voice, said: “Senators, you have
+heard Cæsar; have you not been biassed by his eloquence?  But will you
+forget the services I have rendered?  Remember the advice you privately
+gave me, to encourage the glorious design I had conceived in favour of
+your liberty?  Answer then to Cæsar, that it was by your advice I gave
+the fatal stab; that if the laws had not been abrogated and violated by
+the formidable power of tyranny, you would, yourselves, have put him to
+death under the forms of justice; and that your silence, after the
+execution of my project, was an evidence of your approbation.”
+
+Cassius, assuming the discourse, said he would not undertake to plead his
+own cause if Cicero was present.
+
+“I will not,” said Cæsar, “listen to this timid sycophant; this cowardly
+soul; this selfish orator: when he feared my power, he said, in full
+senate, that he would be my buckler against enemies, and, at the same
+time, conspired against my life, and defends the act of Brutus and
+Cassius.  His cupidity was so eager, that for money, he might be bought
+on the same day to speak upon both sides of a case; and so sober-tongued,
+that there was not a soldier in the army, who would have bestowed upon
+his greatest foe one tittle of the scurrility he heaped upon Anthony.
+You recollect, Signors, his phillipics: he had not the courage to support
+a change of fortune; and the common cause was abandoned by this patriotic
+man before he was slain by Anthony.”
+
+“May all such wretches be ever punished in the same manner! and with what
+can they reproach me?  Did I put any senator to death?  Did I pillage the
+commonwealth?  Did I not return, by my will, what I had amassed and
+conserved for her defence?  Will they accuse me of tyranny and
+usurpation?  I, who delivered the Romans from the ambition of a Pompey?
+Will they charge me with cruelty?  I, who could not behold without
+weeping the head of my most inveterate enemy?  Yes, I can truly say, that
+it was grief at the sad fate of Pompey, that invited me to declare war
+against Egypt.  I was desirous of avenging the death of this great man.
+He would have made himself master of Rome if I had not prevented him; and
+because I stood forth as the defender of the public liberty, was
+assassinated as a usurper.  What wickedness!  What perfidy!  What
+cruelty!  The senate recognized every thing I had done, when, after my
+death, they erected statues, and built me temples.  Infernal judge, will
+you bear with these impious men, who killed him whom the empire delighted
+to honour?”
+
+Cicero would have spoken, fearing the eloquence of Cæsar, or his
+vehemency, would impose upon the judges; but Cæsar constantly
+interrupting him, Lucifer, tired with their clamours and the length of
+the cause, ordered that the emperor, as a punishment for not having
+profited by the advice he received on his way to the senate, upon the day
+of his death, should remain in his present place.
+
+“It was I,” said Cicero, “who caused this information to be sent him.”
+
+“Base liar! perfidious man!” cried Cæsar, “it was you who gave me this
+information! why did you not bring it yourself?”
+
+“It was the will of Fate, that Brutus, Cassius, and other senators,
+involved in this conspiracy, should be marks for infamy, as traitors to
+their country, and as having afforded a direful example of politicians
+without courage.”
+
+After him arose Alexander the Great, very much vexed that Cæsar had
+spoken before him, and pretending that the cause of this Roman emperor
+should not be considered before that of the emperor of the world; but he
+abandoned his pretensions, when a crier had made proclamation, that in
+hell, all conditions were equal, and that the damned had among them, no
+other distinctions than those of crime.
+
+“Infamous prince,” said Clytus, who stood behind Alexander, “dare you
+speak, after having murdered the best of your friends?  Is not the
+brightness of thy conquests tarnished by the shame of thy cruelty?  What
+punishment dost thou merit, for having despoiled princes so distant from
+Macedon, who, so far from having wronged or injured you, did not even
+know you?”
+
+“Silence,” said Alexander.
+
+“What! I be silent! if Lucifer, the chief of this empire, imposes silence
+upon me, I will obey: but shall I yet receive orders from you, cruel
+brigand, notorious robber, sacrilegious rascal, debauchee, fool,
+drunkard, incendiary?”
+
+“No, no: speak, son of Olympias,” said Lucifer to Alexander.
+
+He began thus: “Alexander, son of Jupiter Amnion, lord of the world, most
+high and mighty emperor, conqueror of the habitable globe—”
+
+Clytus laughed at the boasts: “what a lord! what an emperor! what a god!
+Behold the titles which I dispute.  In the first place, his mother was a
+virtuous woman.  She but mocked her son, who, through pride, accused her
+with having committed adultery with Jupiter Amnion.  Secondly, he was not
+lord of the world; since he did not conquer the tenth part of it: and
+thirdly, it is false that he is a great emperor; for an emperor is only
+ennobled by heroic virtues and qualities, which he did not possess.  And
+how is it possible that he should be the conqueror of the habitable
+globe, having never been neither to Africa, nor very far in Europe, nor
+to China?  Thus he is only Alexander, as I am Clytus.”
+
+Here Lucifer passed an order that this prince should only assume the
+titles that veritably pertained to him, and permitted Clytus to continue.
+
+“I was,” said Clytus, “the prime favourite of this Alexander, who,
+wishing to conquer every body, had no enemy nearer and more powerful than
+himself.  Contemplate our portraits: I was his favourite, and I have
+always seen him as ambitious of distinction in wickedness as he was for
+honourable action: but as a foundation to my complaints against him, I
+ought to state, that this prince, elevated by his flatterers to a place
+among the gods, was accustomed to speak without respect of Philip his
+father.  He showed himself more munificent towards gladiators, musicians,
+and drunkards, than towards his bravest captains.  In conformity to this
+disposition, he gave the kingdom of Sidon to Abdolonymus, a well-digger;
+he committed numberless extravagances at the instigation of his
+mistresses; to please a courtesan named Roxana, he burnt the palace of
+the Persian kings; his conduct towards Parmenio, Philotas, and
+Calisthenes, as well as Aminthus, his relation, is sufficient proof of
+his barbarity.  And did he not exhibit more than cruelty towards me?  I
+was the most faithful of his confidants; he who flattered him the least;
+who gave him the best of counsel; to whom he owed his reputation and
+honour.  Alas! because I had the presumption to speak my true sentiments
+at a feast, he arose from the table and inflicted upon me a mortal wound.
+I now demand expiation.  King of hell, revenge Clytus, punish Alexander.”
+
+This prince then replied as follows:—“Favourites bear the same relation
+to sovereigns as mice to cats.”
+
+At this exordium Clytus began to laugh, and said: “Listen to a comparison
+worthy of the disciple of Aristotle.”
+
+“The mouse,” continued Alexander, “seems at first to divert itself with
+the cat; but finally this animal, being more powerful, devours the mouse,
+who cannot accuse her with cruelty for wishing to take her turn in the
+sport.  Such, about me, was the condition of Clytus: but to demonstrate
+the mistake of this ungrateful favourite, I aver, that it is the policy
+of princes to keep favourites, who are towards them neither forward nor
+haughty; and not to accord them too much power.  The liberties they take
+with us cause us to fall into contempt; their hauteur makes us appear
+timid, and their power fills us with just suspicions.  Clytus having thus
+taken advantage of me, I was frequently ashamed of his familiarities.
+Such was his pride, that if I dared to contradict him in the least thing,
+he reared up like an unruly horse: my bounty had rendered him so
+powerful, that he was in fact Alexander, and I was but Clytus.  In
+particular, he abused my mistresses, and the officers of my house; in
+counsel he was always right and I wrong; in every battle, it was he that
+was victorious, and I who had been slack and timid.  If I put some to
+death, it was but consonant with justice, to punish the seditious or
+conspiring; if I burnt the palace of the kings of Persia, it was for the
+purpose of destroying a fortress that had been used against me; if the
+pleasures that were indulged in after my conquests were sometimes too
+free, it arose from a desire to gratify my generals; in fine, the death
+of Clytus crushed those treasonous designs of which I had notice.  He
+only waited for an opportunity to set one part of my army against the
+other, and to despatch me.  I sang at a feast the songs my soldiers had
+composed upon their officers and myself; I rallied Clytus for having, in
+a certain action, taken to flight: this madman let loose his rage upon
+me; he loaded me with contumely; the wine he had drank deprived him of
+reason: I thought it was time to punish his audacity, and to prevent the
+excesses to which it might carry him.  Thus perished an usurping,
+traitorous, insolent and unworthy favourite.  Lucifer, I have spoken the
+truth.”
+
+After having heard the parties, the king said to his demons, “Take notice
+how proper it is that a subject should be faithful and submissive to his
+prince; and that a favourite should not go beyond the respect he owes to
+his sovereign.  _We do order_ that as long as Alexander shall be
+tormented by his ambition, Clytus shall experience all the remorse that
+springs from rashness and ingratitude.”
+
+At the same moment was heard the voice of Seneca, speaking to Nero:
+“Cruel prince, how have you profited by the lessons of clemency,
+goodness, and humanity I have given you?  Did you not murder me to
+repossess yourself of the wealth I had received from you?  Such was my
+recompense for having raised you to empire.  Was it not I who saved you
+from the conspiracy formed by Piso, after you had set fire to all
+quarters of Rome?  Was it not I who delivered you from the snares which
+had been spread for you by the friends of your mother Agrippina, whom you
+afterwards put to death?  I was more careful of your reputation than
+yourself, when I advised you not to exhibit yourself as a comedian upon
+the theatre; when you entered the lists to dispute the prize of poetry
+with Lucan, whom you afterwards assassinated.”
+
+“Old fool,” said Nero, in a slender voice, “thou wert become unworthy of
+my favours by thy excessive ambition, and by the dishonour you brought
+upon my palace.  Great Lucifer, you see a man who, being my preceptor,
+did not profit by his own theory.  He maintained a shameful commerce with
+my mother; and with a view to favour it, poisoned the Emperor Claudius,
+my father, who did not commit suicide, as was the prevalent opinion at
+Rome.  The partiality of my mother filled him with such audacity, that he
+projected mounting the throne, and having me poisoned.  I was informed of
+the intrigue, which I suspected before having received positive advice.
+I observed that his immense wealth had obtained him very many friends
+among the senators, gentlemen, and officers of the army; and it is worth
+while, also, to know, that this man who preached so much about frugality,
+and the love of mediocrity, was far from practising these virtues, which
+are easily reported of a man possessing twelve millions of revenue.
+After having punished the tyranny and usurpation of my mother, I was
+bound to punish the crimes of Seneca; but I was yet lenient enough to
+leave the manner of his death to his own choice.”
+
+“The subjects and favourites of princes,” said Lucifer, “are always
+culpable, when they are ungrateful, or entertain any other desire than
+the prosperity of their masters: they ought to leave to them the
+recompense of their services, without attempting to reward themselves.
+_We will_, then, that the philosopher, Seneca, born in Spain, should be
+punished as if he had compassed his designs upon Nero: and that Nero be
+treated as an unjust and barbarous prince.”
+
+“This ordinance,” said Sejanus, “does not concern me: Tiberius caused me
+to be assassinated without reason, actuated by one of those suspicions to
+which he was usually addicted.  He was troubled more by a fear of losing
+his life, than the empire.  His courtezans had too much influence over
+him.  As to myself, I have never punished any but the enemies of
+Tiberius: to be sure, they were also mine.  But were not, in truth, the
+opposers of a minister who governed as well as I did, foes to their
+prince and country?”
+
+Tiberius would have answered; but Lucifer, interrupting him, ordered that
+all the favourites of princes should come in.  There appeared a vast
+number, among them Plautius, the favourite of Severus, was particularly
+remarkable: also Faustus, the favourite of Phyrrhus, king of Epirus;
+Pyreneus and Cleandrus, favourites of the emperor Commodus; Cincinnatus,
+favourite of Britulus; Rufus, favourite of Domitian; Ampronisius,
+favourite of Adrian; Belisarius, favourite of Justinian.
+
+“Listen,” said Lucifer; “the favour of princes is like quick-silver, the
+motion of which cannot be arrested, and which flies the endeavour to
+restrain it.  If one would sublimate it, it is a vapour that exhales
+itself; and often, if too much is used, it becomes dangerous.  If one
+anoints with it, it penetrates to the very bones: those who are
+accustomed to draw it from the mine, and purify it, contract a malady
+which makes them tremble all their lives.  This is the character of
+princes’ favour: it is inconstant, because it depends upon the humour and
+passion of one who seeks only novelty and the pleasure of the moment.  If
+you are importunate, if you exhibit the least sign of impatience, if you
+are even suspected of prudence in the management of your credit or
+fortune, the attachment of the prince will cool.  If you show any marks
+of envy against another, of discontent in yourself, or indifference in
+the presence of your protector, he suspects you, and passes straightway
+from suspicion to enmity and hatred.  Bear then with resignation your bad
+fortune and the humour of your master: your pains, attentions, time,
+health, wealth all lost, you are at length obliged to return into your
+humble retreat, there to expect death; which, to your grief, comes not
+soon enough to free you from regret and the remembrance of your follies.
+A casual sally, an instant of good humor, a lucky word, a sudden caprice,
+a nothing, makes a favourite.  Five or six years suffice for his fortune;
+if delayed, it escapes him.  The same causes can bestow or withdraw
+favour.  A favourite ought to make these reflections in his
+prosperity,—that he must abstain from those liberties that are common
+among equals, and that freedom which friends indulge in; that he must be
+constantly submissive, and know how to accompany respect with
+complaisance; that the prince ought always to speak the first word in a
+confidential affair; and to preserve his secrets, he must dispose himself
+to every kind of privation.  He who hath not regulated his conduct by
+these precepts must bear the burden of his own imprudence; and for this
+reason _we order_ that those favourites who have incurred the displeasure
+of their sovereigns shall be punished as unfaithful subjects.”
+
+Lucifer then commanded an old man to advance, whom he perceived in the
+hall behind the others.  There advanced then a man of a pleasant
+countenance, in a Greek habit, and followed by other persons clothed in
+the same manner.
+
+“I am Solon,” said this old man: “I gave to the Athenians laws which they
+did not exactly follow; this person contiguous to me is the philosopher
+Anaxarchus, whom the tyrant Nicocreon caused to be brayed in a mortar: in
+this little hump-back, behold the famous Aristotle, preceptor to the
+great Alexander: his philosophy excused the disciple from practising the
+morality he taught.  This academician is Socrates, whom his fellow
+citizens put to death with a cup of hemlock.  This old man is the divine
+Plato, who, spite of the sublimity of his doctrine, sold oil for the
+defrayment of his expenses.  All the rest are men of letters, who, like
+ourselves, have excited the envy, and experienced the vengeance of the
+princes, Archons and Tyrants, of Athens; and it is now upon these tyrants
+we unitedly demand vengeance.”
+
+Then Denis, the tyrant, accompanied by some other princes, presented
+themselves and spoke in this manner:—“Of whom do these old dotards
+complain?  Infatuated by their conceits, they pretended to dictate law to
+the whole world!  In fact they had so imbued the people with their dogmas
+and their customs, that when we wished to make some changes, they excited
+sedition.  They had so much pride and presumption, that they arrogated to
+themselves alone the possession of common sense and reason; while in
+truth they were distinguished but for opinions founded upon vain
+subtleties, and by a language not common and familiar to men:—and now I
+should like to ask them what certain knowledge they had; what was their
+idea upon the nature of the soul? and what constituted the reason and
+equity of their laws?”
+
+“I will add to that,” said Julian, the apostate, “that there are pedants,
+who, under the affectation of austerity, concealed the most extreme
+ambition.  Do they complain of the contempt that was shown them, when
+their manner of living exposed them to it?  Will they speak of their
+poverty, who would not labour for a living?  The people of letters
+deceive themselves if they believe that princes and the public ought to
+enrich them for vain and useless sciences.  Should they not make their
+calculation for that, when, idle in their cabinets, they amuse themselves
+in contemplating the figures and number of the stars, which they apply,
+to find fault with the common prejudices of our ancestors?”
+
+“At least,” observed Cato of Utica, “you cannot make those remarks with
+regard to Cicero, or myself, who have exercised the highest magistracies
+of Rome.”
+
+“Old fox,” answered Julian, “I cannot, it is true, say so of you two; for
+if you were attached to letters, you were still more so to your fortunes.
+And of whom can you complain, you who accelerated your own death?  Did
+you not hope to gain an easy immortality in thus quitting your
+terrestrial abode?  It was to arrive at this, that you did not wish to
+survive the pretended misfortunes of your country.  Fine courage that, of
+a man who kills himself to escape fighting with his enemies!  Would you
+not have done better to have preserved yourselves for the defence of
+Rome, its liberty, and your goods?”
+
+“I recommend you,” said Cato, “to the Antiochians: they will tell the
+truth of you better than I can: they know you; they are fully acquainted
+with your pusillanimity, your vices, but, above all, with your vanity,
+which surpasses your knowledge and eloquence.  Look at this great
+emperor, who, to punish Antioch, quits the sword, assumes the pen, and
+is, after all, nothing but an ignoramus.”
+
+“I am called Suetonius,” said he, who presented himself next.
+
+“Yes, this is Suetonius,” said the emperor Domitian, who was at his side;
+“this is that notorious forger, and compiler of histories and chronicles,
+who, after the example of other historians, being a partisan and a
+flatterer, speaks the truth from caprice, and lies from inclination.”
+
+“I!” said Suetonius; “I have said nothing that I cannot prove by
+indubitable evidence.  Is it not true, that upon the testimony of vile
+informers, you have taken from the living, the estates of the dead who
+were accused?  Is it not true that you have levied upon your subjects
+tributes so enormous, that they were forced to claim protection from a
+foreign power?  Is it not true that you have despoiled the Jews of their
+goods only because they were born Jews?  Is it then a crime to have been
+circumcised at birth and not to adore the gods of the Roman empire?  Is
+it not true that by your excessive expenses for theatres, and buildings,
+you have exhausted the purses of the Romans, and left to perish with
+hunger the bravest soldiers of the army?  To escape the consequences of a
+sedition, you committed horrible pillages, and thus paid your debts.
+Your pride and impiety are exhibited in these few words, extracted from
+one of your declarations: ‘_Your Lord_, _your God_,’ commands thus.”
+
+“What signifies that?” said Domitian: “Are not the emperors gods as well
+during their lives as after their death?  Were not Augustus and Cæsar
+adored in the empire?  I was as much a god at the time I willed it, as my
+predecessors have been gods after their death.  The divinity of men is
+nothing but a power superior to that of others, as the present divinity
+of Augustus is but a perfection above the virtues and qualities of living
+men.  But who, among men of sense, has ever believed that the gods were
+like men? or adored in the statue any thing more than the virtue of the
+original?  Who ever believed that the number of gods was equal to their
+names, their temples, or their statues?  No, no, Suetonius, you did not
+believe all this, and it is from perfidiousness that you have accused me
+of impiety for being called a god.”
+
+“And your unjust vexations,” replied Suetonius.
+
+“As it regards that,” said the emperor, “subjects who cannot penetrate
+the designs of their sovereigns always consider the tributes imposed upon
+them as unjust; but if enemies were about to inundate the kingdom; if the
+empire was menaced with approaching ruin; if there was danger of the
+pillage and sack of frontier cities, would not the prince have reason to
+take measures for the prevention of these disasters by a heavier levy,
+and a stronger assemblage of troops?  If I had apprized the Romans of
+these things, which I had learned by my spies, they would have been more
+likely to have risen against myself, than against the common enemy: so
+powerful is the voice of interest with the multitude!”
+
+Here Lucifer interrupted the emperor and ordered all the historians,
+historiographers, authors of journals, of memoirs and chronicles, to
+advance, to listen to their sentence.  “It is,” said he, “for the public
+interest, that mendacity should be punished in writers, as in those who
+speak falsely; but it is of equal interest that writers should be
+permitted to speak the truth, without flattery and without fear, to the
+end, that men by reading the history of their ancestors, may learn to
+become good, and detest the conduct of the unjust.  Although it is crime
+that brings us subjects, _we wish_, nevertheless, that it should be
+punished in our empire; and it is that which constitutes the justice of
+the torments they feel.  A prince flatters himself in vain with a fine
+and secret policy, if his subjects are rendered unhappy by the rules he
+has prescribed for their conduct; whatever colour he may take to cover
+his actions, and make them appear just, if they are not so in effect,
+which the event proves, he expects in vain the approbation, the esteem
+and love of his subjects.  The writer who undertakes a history ought to
+divest himself of the sentiments of both love and hatred; he ought to
+have no partiality for country, relations or friends; he is the sole
+judge of the affairs of which he treats, and the master of princes when
+he describes their actions.  Accordingly, _we ordain_, that Domitian and
+the other princes shall submit to the judgments of their historians; that
+the historians shall be punished for flatteries and lies; for the
+examination of which, we order them before the tribunals of conscience,
+to whom we delegate plenary authority for the decision of their cases;
+and as a judgment upon the geometricians, geographers, astronomers, and
+mathematicians, we condemn the one party to measure by minutes, seconds,
+and lines, the dimensions of all the provinces, kingdoms, and empires of
+the earth; and the others to be shut up in the planets upon which they
+have pretended to make observations, to the end that they may be
+instructed by their experience.  Furthermore we decree, that afterwards,
+the aforesaid geometricians, geographers, astronomers, and
+mathematicians, to be there punished for their foolish and rash
+opinions.”
+
+The audience having now lasted a considerable time, Lucifer commanded
+something to eat to be brought into the middle of the hall.  Forthwith
+there appeared a vast number of chirurgians, cooks of hell, with an
+almost equal number of apothecaries, having the title of confectioners to
+the devil.  They set forth a great table of gold, upon which they placed
+a vast quantity of silver plate: they informed me that this table and
+plate had been fabricated with the gold and silver stolen, and afterwards
+sold to the goldsmiths.  I have never any where seen such a quantity of
+linen: it proceeded from the thefts committed by linen dealers and washer
+women; for all that is stolen upon earth, goes into hell after the second
+or third generation of thieves.  They served for the first course a heap
+of tailors roasted upon the spit.  Lucifer is very fond of this meal; and
+the expression, “_may the devil swallow me_,” which the tailors often
+use, is not inappropriate; for he does swallow many; and the demons, his
+table companions, do the same: the subjects always having tastes similar
+to those of their masters, be they good or bad.  I inquired of one of the
+demons, why his infernal majesty devoured more tailors than cooks,
+sausage makers, butchers, peruquiers, in short, people of other trades.
+
+“It is,” said he, “for a very politic reason; for otherwise he would soon
+want subjects of any other description; those of other trades are by far
+the least in number, while the others are so plenty, that if we could eat
+them all in one day, the morrow would supply as many more: they arrive
+continually, in one eternal troop.  Sometimes in beholding them afar off,
+we imagine them to be entire armies, coming to besiege us: this trade is
+more useful in hell, than you would be apt to think: we send among the
+tailors, young devils without experience: their shops are so many
+academies for our youth.  If you had nice eyes, you might perceive more
+than fifty young demons in each tailor shop; some cut the cloth; others
+the list; these take away the superfluous pieces; those put them in the
+place they call the _street_; while some do nothing but open and shut the
+place they call the _eye_.  Some carry the cabbaged pieces to sell;
+others make complete suits out of the patterns cut from the cloth; in
+fine, there are many about the women, girls, and valets of the tailor, to
+assist them in stealing the cloth, or stretching the binding.  When these
+young devils have finished their diabolical apprenticeship, they are sent
+to the merchants.  In that station they abridge all the measures, and
+sometimes throw themselves into the scale, among the merchandise, to make
+it weigh more: if you could see all their tricks, you would be highly
+amused.”
+
+When this course was removed from the table, they served another of
+tailors, roasted upon the gridiron: after that, others, baked in pates,
+smothered in a pot, fried in a pan, and dressed in a hundred different
+ways, with this only difference, that those of each nation had a
+particular dressing.  The French tailors were spitted; the English,
+grilled; the Holland, fried; the Germans, smothered in a pot; the
+Italians, made into ragout; the Spanish, boiled, because they are
+ordinarily hard; the Polonese, in pates; the Hungarians, salad; the
+Turks, cooked in rice; the Greeks, in wine; the Arabians, dried in the
+sun; the Egyptians, with onion sauce; the Algerines, fried in lard; the
+Portuguese, preserved in sugar; the Danish, Swedish, and Muscovite, were
+almost all dressed in the same manner; that is to say, baked in brandy;
+the Tartar, boiled in horse grease; the Persian, fricaseed with gravy _de
+demon_; the Indians, baked in bananas; the Chinese, and all the
+islanders, were very much seasoned with spices and sugar; the Ethiopians,
+negroes of Fez, Morocco, and Guinea, were baked in black butter; and the
+Americans, in milk.
+
+“What an immense quantity of tailors,” said I to the demon who was near
+me; “your cooks must understand their business, to be able to compound so
+many dishes of viands, which differ no more the one from the other, than
+the bullocks of Spain from those of Ireland.”
+
+They served to Lucifer wine of the various publicans of the world.
+“Fie!” said I to the demon; “your master is hardly a connoisseur of
+wine.”
+
+“You are mistaken,” said he; “it is true, that this wine has been mixed
+with water, sugar, and spices; but the publicans are obliged to separate
+all these drugs, even the water which they ordinarily put in, from the
+rest, which remains pure, fair and clear; if the publicans did not do
+this, they would put them in the press, and draw from their veins all the
+wine they had themselves drank.”
+
+“How!” said I, “do you live upon nothing but human flesh?”
+
+“How should we live else?” answered he.  “Can we eat beef, mutton,
+partridges, fish, and beans?  These animals come not hither, but in
+smoke; and herbs will not grow in a place so hot.”
+
+“How can you say that animals come here in smoke?”
+
+“It is those the idolaters sacrifice to the prince of demons: this smoke
+penetrates even to this place, and is the only perfume agreeable to our
+sovereign; for as to the scented oils, powders, and pomatums, of which
+the men and women of the other life make use, Lucifer is so incommoded,
+that those who are thus scented, dare not approach his apartment.”
+
+“Egad!” said I, “Lucifer has then a smell keener than that of a hound.”
+
+“Yes: he has so fine a scent, that he instantly knows whether a girl has
+been cautious or not; whether she has been married, or not, and the exact
+number of times: and the other day there came here a _menette_, who made
+a profession of _menettisme_, wearing the habits, air, _et cetera_: she
+wanted to make every thing appear smooth, saying, that she had been sent
+here for having administered to herself the discipline, contrary to the
+direction of her directors: but the prince approaching her, perceived,
+and said immediately, that this habit, modest as it was, covered much
+indevotion, sacrilege, gallantry, and falsehood.  The young girl retired
+abashed; she had not imagined that any person could discover, under the
+exterior of such simplicity, what she had been guilty of, during her
+life; you see Lucifer has an exquisite nose.”
+
+“If he has,” said I, “the other senses in a similar perfection, he well
+merits the commandery of hell.”
+
+In the mean time, Lucifer, and the other lords, invited to his table,
+continued to eat with good appetite: besides the individuals of his
+council, there were a great number whom I heard designated by the names
+given to the gods of fable, such as Jupiter, Saturn, Apollo, Mercury: and
+to goddesses, such as Juno, Venus, Diana, Proserpina, and others; I
+should think there were at least fifty persons at table.  These gods and
+goddesses were men and women, like the others; and in reflecting upon
+that circumstance, I thought they were princesses and princes, whom the
+people had put in the place of gods.  But these ignorant people deceive
+themselves; for their gods, instead of being in heaven, are in hell.  The
+same thing often happens in the world; a particular person is looked upon
+as a man of honour, who is, in fact, worse than one whom they consider
+the most knavish; another as a good man, who, in truth, is one of the
+worst; they frequently speak of one as happy after death, whose lot, if
+they did but know it, is quite the contrary: this is the sentiment of
+saint Pere, who said, “they peopled heaven with the inhabitants of hell.”
+The dessert served up to this great demon, was very pleasant to behold:
+it consisted of hypocrites, bigots, and apostate monks, all preserved in
+sugar: in the middle of it was a country seat in sugar: one could
+perceive the chateau, with its fosses, garden, park, wood, closes,
+vineyards, fish-ponds, fountains, jets of water, mill, stables, and
+farms; the whole being executed in the most perfect symmetry of
+architecture.
+
+The demon observing my surprise, told me, the devil usually devoured
+goods unjustly acquired: “have you not,” said he, “heard it remarked,
+that property illy gotten, failed not _to go to the devil_?  It comes to
+us; for be it known to you, that what is lost in the world, falls down
+here.  You can find in our magazines things of every description: the
+entire shops of merchants, stores of grain and wine, tons of silver, an
+arsenal filled with arms, cabinets of jewellery and precious stones,
+tablets covered with antique medals, a kind of pantheon, filled with
+idols of gold, silver, and bronze, which you have no doubt seen at the
+houses of antiquaries: for the fruits of larcenies, spunging, and usury,
+always come straight to us.”
+
+After the desert, the Jews and Turks brought coffee, tea, chocolate,
+tobacco, aqua vitæ, liquors, and opium.  The lords drank of all, and
+Jupiter partook so freely of tobacco and brandy, that he became quite
+elevated: he began to sing a song in the Greek language, the substance of
+which was: “What a charming spectacle for the mighty Lucifer! the dead
+dispersed throughout this cavern, are to him delicious meats.  Subtle
+Love, and you gods of combat, theft, and drunkenness, contribute to
+content the taste and desires of our sovereign.  So long as one remains
+in Tartarus, he must not hope for any other pleasure; we must not think
+of objects to be procured in other places.”—While Jupiter repeated this
+song, Juno accompanied him, saying: “So long as one regains in Tartarus,
+he must not hope for any other pleasure.  Lovers, you enhance our joy,
+for death hath separated you for ever.”—In imitation of Jupiter and Juno,
+Mercury and Mars sang thus: “Yes, while one remains in Tartarus, he
+cannot hope for other pleasures.  The money which was our love, is lost
+for ever: we love it still, but despairing of enjoyment.”—Mars, with a
+voice of thunder, sang.  “Yes, when one is in Tartarus, he must not hope
+for other pleasures.  War, which was our delight, is no more for us, but
+a vain flourish: here one hears neither fife nor drum.”
+
+After this little concert, which amused Lucifer, he made them call the
+players upon instruments, who joined the gods and goddesses.  There was
+then heard the most frightful music: with the sound of violins and other
+instruments, which were played upon by those who had been musicians in
+the other world, there mingled a horrid noise of thunder, and raging
+wind, such as it produces when it rushes through a straight street, or
+groans, amid a wood of firs.  This noise was succeeded by another, like
+that which is heard at the eruption of Mount Vesuvius or Etna: my ear was
+struck with a bellowing, like that of the sea, when agitated by a furious
+tempest.  All these agents yielded to a choir of voices, that issued from
+the lowest depths: there was heard nothing but complaints, groans, cries,
+and howlings, similar to those of dogs, impatient of confinement.  I
+should have expired with fear, if I had not been previously warned, that
+this was the music which would divert the prince of hell.  Jupiter and
+Mars, in spite of their intrepidity, found this music so disagreeable,
+that they ceased singing, and signified their uneasiness to Lucifer.
+They then removed the table, and the service of plate; and the audience
+having been resumed, they began to call up cases of different states; and
+after having disposed of those pertaining to the people of justice, the
+sword, and the church, they cited the women of all conditions.  The
+beautiful Helen then appeared, who complained that at her return from the
+siege of Troy, she had been condemned to be hung by Polixo, her relation,
+at whose house, in the isle of Rhodes, she had taken refuge, Nisistratus
+and Megapontus having driven her from Greece.  She was asked if she had
+consented to be abducted by Paris; if she had accorded him the last
+favours before leaving Peloponessus; if she had granted the same to the
+king of Egypt, when his vessel touched at her country.  She answered
+ingenuously to these questions, that having been married by policy and
+force, to prince Menelaus, she had acquainted him that she did not love
+him.
+
+“Did you love,” said Lucifer, “the Trojan prince before marriage?”
+
+“I had not then seen him; but my heart was never for Menclaus; it was
+free when Paris came to Argos, and its first impression was in favour of
+this stranger prince.  Am I culpable for all the evils caused by the
+siege of Troy?  Furthermore, the Greeks ought not to complain of this
+abduction, as a breach of hospitality: some years before, they had taken
+away a Trojan lady; and in ancient times, had not Jupiter, of Grecian
+origin, stolen Europa, a young princess of Asia, from this part of the
+world, inhabited by Trojans?”
+
+Menelaus spoke after his wife, whose ingratitude and infidelity he
+exaggerated; he accused her of having poisoned him on the return from
+Troy.  “Why assassinate me, when she had the liberty to go to her
+relations?  Could I have done more to express my regret at her loss,
+after her elopement, than by building to her memory a temple, consecrated
+to Venus?”
+
+“You are a very clever man,” said Jupiter to Menelaus; “who told you that
+a husband could make his wife love him by caresses and services?  A woman
+who does not love her husband, takes all his cares for stratagems,
+invented by jealousy: she believes him false and wicked.  Accuse only
+your patience and weakness; and between ourselves who are dead, since the
+living cannot hear it, it is a very good joke, to make so much noise
+about the infidelity of a coquette:” and Jupiter sang a song, the burden
+of which was, that one was often very happy to be rid of his wife, as he
+then could enjoy the advantages of liberty.
+
+“Am I permitted to be as stoical as you are?” said Menelaus.  “One must
+have a great force of spirit, to vanquish a passion like that of love:
+how cruel, to love without return!  Ah! I now condemn myself: let Helen
+prosecute her quarrel with her relation Polixo, to which I am a
+stranger.”
+
+“Since this Grecian prince is voluntarily condemned,” said Lucifer, “I am
+about to pass sentence upon the husbands who have complained of their
+wives; and upon the wives who have complained of their husbands.”
+
+The judgment was couched in these words: “Since love is natural, and no
+one can dictate a woman’s will, and since neither the jealousy nor
+severity of a husband are of any avail, to compel a wife to conjugal
+fidelity, we order, that all husbands shall suffer the pain of foolish
+and indiscreet love, without having from that any pretence to restrain
+them; provided, however, that they may revenge themselves with chance
+intrigues, and contribute, by their patience and complaisance, to the
+ruin of their rivals.  We ordain, also, that women who complain of the
+amours of their husbands, shall be condemned to the torments of jealousy;
+with an equal permission to those ladies who are not beloved by their
+husbands, to receive the cares and attentions of their neighbours.
+Finally, we forbid the married of both sexes, to bring any more actions
+upon these subjects, and reject them, in advance, from court.  We command
+our demons, and principally Asmodeus, the demon of marriage, to bear in
+hand the execution of the present ordinance.  Given in hell, at the grand
+audience hall, to be signified to whom it may concern.—Signed, _Lucifer_,
+king of hell: and countersigned by my lord, the devil _Patiras_.”
+
+“Signor,” said Cleopatra, “this edict cannot prejudice my rights against
+Augustus, emperor of the Romans: his ambition prompted him to attach to
+his triumphal car the queen of the Egyptians: to save myself from this
+shame, I laid violent hands upon myself.  I demand that Augustus should
+be punished as guilty of my death.”
+
+“Am I responsible for your actions?” said Augustus.  “Who informed you
+that I should put this indignity upon you?  Cæsar had loved you; Pompey
+also, as I believe: that Antony did, no one can doubt.  The reputation of
+those charms by which you had subdued the conquerors of the world, had
+made such an impression upon my heart, that I would not only have made
+you its governor, but have re-established you upon the throne of your
+ancestors; but the timidity so natural to your sex, pride, and
+haughtiness, misled you: the poison you employed to produce death was so
+subtle, that I could never discover its nature.”
+
+“All! tyrant,” said Antony to Augustus, “you were not satisfied with
+having at the same time caused my death and the loss of my empire; but
+you must also effect the death of my spouse, whom I preferred to the
+throne.”
+
+“I deny that,” replied Augustus; “you abandoned the field of battle to
+follow Cleopatra; yourself commanded a servant to give the blow of death,
+to prevent falling into my hands; it was in conformity to your counsel
+that Cleopatra killed herself; great Lucifer, I am innocent of these
+things.”
+
+“We ordain,” said Lucifer, “that both parties should be delivered to
+their remorse of conscience; if they are not satisfied with this
+judgment, let them present themselves before Astarte, sovereign of women,
+to whom Venus and Pallas are associated, where their cases shall be more
+amply examined.”
+
+There came next a queen, accompanied by many women and girls, armed as
+soldiers: this was said to be the foundress of the kingdom of the
+Amazons.  To this troop, Zenobia, queen of Palmyra, Elizabeth, queen of
+England, and other princesses who had governed their states, joined
+themselves.  Amazonide, daughter of Samornas, (so they called the
+foundress of this female monarchy,) complained against Hercules that he
+had made some of her subjects captive: against Theseus, who had married
+one, when their army was defeated in Greece; against Achilles, who had
+put to death the princess Orythia, for having succoured the Trojans;
+against Alexander the Great, because, not content with the favours he had
+received from the queen Thalestris, he had put her kingdom under
+contribution; against the Ephesians, who, for their ingratitude towards
+the Amazons, who had founded their city, were themselves delivered to
+other masters: and thus in the same manner against many other princes and
+people.
+
+“Illustrious women,” said Lucifer, “a sex so fragile as yours, a monarchy
+so naturally given to tenderness, could not resist the force of men, nor
+get away from an empire so sweet as that of love.  You have wished to act
+contrary to your destiny: made to submit, you have desired to command;
+but women cannot reign but by submissions to the laws of love; that
+renders men completely amenable to the will of woman.  If men have done
+you wrong, accuse your own hearts; they have done the injury of which you
+complain.  A warrior, proud and gallant, is full of ardour for victory
+when a fair Amazon is the price of conquest; and on the other hand an
+Amazon fears to vanquish a young soldier whose amiable qualities have now
+disarmed her.  So we re-commit to yourselves the examination of those
+affairs you have brought to our tribunal: do yourselves the justice I
+should do, if I examined the matter with more care, and let all women be
+convinced, they have no greater enemies than their own hearts.”
+
+Zenobia then took the stand, and said to Lucifer, that her heart had
+never been master of her head: “I lost,” continued she, “my husband
+Odenatus, for whom I had the purest attachment: although he left me
+young, my subjects were willing to obey me.  During the thirty years of
+my government, I can now say, that I maintained my sway with as much
+mildness as wisdom.  When the thirty tyrants under Galienus divided the
+empire, I took possession of a province in Syria, that had formerly been
+separated, and united it to my kingdom.  Aurelian declared war against
+me, and having taken me captive, led me in chains behind his triumphal
+car.  In the endeavour to overcome the fidelity with which I preserved
+the memory of my spouse, and which was my sole consolation for the loss
+of my crown, he exiled me, under a specious pretext, into the Tybertine
+country; but he could not vanquish my constancy.  Spite and rage seized
+him; he put to death Herennianus and Timolaus, my two sons, whom I had
+myself brought up; I had given them an excellent education, and had
+taught them the Egyptian, Greek and Latin languages; it was for their
+use, that I had compiled an abridgment of the oriental history, and that
+of Alexandria.  What was my grief at seeing myself deprived of two
+children, who would have perpetuated my name, and honoured my blood upon
+the throne of Palmyra!  Let no one boast to me of the liberality of this
+prince towards his subjects: I am aware that he often distributed among
+them clothing, corn, wine and oil: but this virtue was tarnished by his
+avarice towards strangers.  Could he not be contented with the boundaries
+of the Roman empire, which was a world of itself, in which one could make
+voyages both by land and sea?  And why should I not accuse him of the
+murder of my two sons, since he even put to death the son of his sister?
+His cruel jealousy might well extend itself to the children of a queen
+whom he had ruined.  Justice, god of hell! do not suffer Zenobia to
+remain under the tyranny of this haughty emperor; for even here, he
+pretends to exercise it over me.  Does not death reduce to an equality
+monarchs and their subjects, conquerors and their slaves?  A
+distinguished Roman poet has said, ‘he knocks, without distinction, at
+the gates of palaces and huts.’  Lucifer, hell, remorse, eternity, do me
+justice for these grievous tyrannies.”
+
+“Speak Aurelian,” said Lucifer; “what prerogative do you pretend over
+this princess?”
+
+The emperor answered in this manner: “Aurelian, emperor of the Romans,
+pontifex maximus, consul, censor, augur, tribune of the people, supreme
+head of Germany, Parthia, Persia, Arabia, Scythia, and Africa, to
+Lucifer—”
+
+“Lay aside these vain titles,” said Belial, who sat near Lucifer: “could
+not the scurviest beggar who had traversed with his pack, for a living,
+the various countries of the globe, assume as many with as much
+propriety?”
+
+“I must then be but plain Aurelian?”
+
+“Yes, you are nothing else.”
+
+“I will not consent to it; and I had rather be condemned than not to
+affix my titles to the head of my defence.”
+
+This emperor having declined answering, Lucifer accorded to queen Zenobia
+what she had demanded.
+
+Elizabeth, queen of England, then came forward: she complained of the
+count of Essex, who slighted her affections at the time she was sought by
+all the princes of Europe.  Lucifer referred her to the tribunal of
+Astarte, where he had sent the Amazons.
+
+After her appeared Dido, queen of Carthage.  She testified great
+dissatisfaction at Virgil, who had represented her as enamoured with a
+man she had never seen.—Referred to the same tribunal.
+
+Sappho also was in court: she averred that there had never been any other
+Sappho than herself, who was born in the Island of Mitylene: had given
+her name to the sapphic poetry, and was the author of poems dedicated to
+her friend Phaon, one of which had been translated by Ovid.
+
+The other Sappho declared that she was the true, the only Sappho who had
+existed; that she was born at Erise, in the time of the elder Tarquin,
+king of Rome; that she had married Cersyla, of Andros, one of the
+ancestors of the muse Clio; and that she had composed poems of different
+kinds.  The claims of Sappho of Mitylene were then recognized, and the
+other forbidden to assume this name, or any work thereunto appertaining,
+because the property of a wife belonged to her husband: and according to
+the laws of all nations, her acts ought to appear in his name.
+
+Sappho having been confirmed in her rights, accused Phaon of coldness and
+ingratitude.  “When,” said she, “I had given him my heart, I was no more
+mistress of myself; I wished by my works to immortalize my love and his
+name: hard as the rocks of Parnassus, inflexible as the fiercest dog of
+Thessaly, impenetrable as the isthmus of Corinth, he disdained my flame;
+my verse made no impression upon him; weary of my love, he sought but to
+escape from me; insensible to my anguish, when I threw myself from the
+precipice of Leucadia, he manifested no sorrow.  O, rage!  O, fury of
+love! avenge my wrongs.”
+
+Lucifer ordained that Sappho should present her case before the goddess
+of females.
+
+Artemisa rehearsed all she had done to eternise the memory of her spouse:
+she repeated a hundred times the name of her dear Mausoleus, and demanded
+that he should be again restored to her, since she had died for love of
+him.
+
+The matron of Ephesus, who stood near her, began to laugh loudly, at the
+idea of a woman’s demanding her lost husband from hell.
+
+Both of them being adjudged fools, for contrary reasons, were remanded to
+their dungeons.
+
+Lucretia, a Roman lady, succeeded them; she demanded justice against
+Tarquin, who, by her violation, had been the cause of her death.
+Jupiter, who wished to amuse himself, asked her if she had made any
+resistance.
+
+“Yes,” said she.
+
+“What hindered you from stabbing Tarquin as he approached you?”
+
+“He was the stronger party, and would have killed me.”
+
+“Was he alone?”
+
+“Yes.”
+
+“Was there ever seen a man, who could, unassisted, force a woman to the
+gratification of his lust?  Why did you not rather suffer death, than
+permit him to consummate his enterprise?”
+
+“You are so importunate, that I must needs avow the truth: Collatinus, my
+husband, discovering my intrigues with the young prince, poinarded me,
+and then spread a false report, to advance the designs of Brutus and
+himself.  This Jupiter,” murmured she, retiring, very angry, “is an
+impertinent—he will not believe that any woman could be capable of so
+heroic an action as that attributed to me, and that they are all
+coquettes.”
+
+“Let all the women,” said Lucifer, “betake themselves to the tribunal
+established for them.”  He then gave orders for the approach of four
+princes, who craved audience: the first was Darius, who impleaded
+Alexander the Great: the second, Bajazet, who accused Tamerlane of
+robbery: the third, Constantine Paleologus, who reproached Mahomet with
+his cruelty and ambition; the fourth, Montezuma, king of Mexico, who
+complained against Fernandez Cortes, and the usurpation of the Spaniards.
+The three first replied, custom, and the laws of war: as to the last, he
+was listened to, more from curiosity than any intention to reinstate him
+in his possessions.
+
+Montezuma spake very nearly in these words: “I was formerly the
+legitimate and peaceful possessor of the Mexican states, which my fathers
+had enjoyed from the universal deluge, if not before; for there are
+people called _preadamites_, who maintain, that God created men in that
+part of the world called _America_, who did not descend from the first
+man born in Asia, and whom they called _Adam_.  The avarice and temerity
+of certain merchants, led them across the immense sea, which separates
+America from Europe; they represented themselves as persons, who, having
+been shipwrecked, had need of succour: we gave them firs, wood, and
+silver; we aided them to the extent of our power.  All these gifts, which
+ought to have served for the establishment of an honourable commerce and
+friendship, only inflamed their cupidity and avarice.  We were their
+friends; they made us their vassals, after having combatted us with arms,
+of which we were ignorant: mounted on horses of which we were horribly
+afraid, they put us to flight with the terrible noise of their cannon;
+having rallied, we assembled all our troops; they prevailed by the
+superiority of their arms; shutting us up in villages, they besieged,
+they massacred, they took us captive, and carried all before them, with
+fire and sword.  Regardless of royal majesty, which I held of God, they
+took my life.  If it is right to usurp the goods and estate of another,
+why do not subjects war against their sovereigns?  Why do not families
+seek the downfall of families?  Why do not the wicked and strong
+dominate, the one over the weak, and the other take away their goods?
+Natural right, which bestows every thing that hath no owner, was it upon
+the side of the king of Spain, or on mine, who had received the kingdom
+of Mexico, as an inheritance from my fathers?  The civil law, which
+maintains possession, and which protects legitimate proprietors, was it
+in favour of the king of Spain, or in mine?  The reason of all ages and
+countries accuse the Spaniards.  We learn in childhood, that we must not
+do to others, what we would not have them to do to us; Did I carry war
+into Spain?  Why then have they brought it to me, and that too, in a
+country where they had experienced the cares of hospitality, to destroy a
+prodigious number of men?  What horrible ingratitude! what frightful
+injustice! what atrocious cruelty!  Lucifer, be the avenger of one half
+the world: punish the Spaniards.”
+
+Fernandez Cortes excused himself on the score of orders from the king,
+his master: he confessed that reason, humanity, and justice, spake by the
+mouth of Montezuma; but he observed, that the conquests of the Spaniards
+had instructed the Indians in the knowledge of the true God.
+
+Upon that, Montezuma cried out, that the design of the Spaniards was not
+to eradicate idolatry in America, but solely to enrich Spain, at the
+expense of that part of the world; that this was so true, that in Mexico,
+the christian Spaniards and their slaves, did not compose more than one
+hundred thousandth part of the inhabitants.
+
+“What do you desire,” said Lucifer, “that I should do to the Spaniards?”
+
+“I do not demand,” said the prince, “to be reinstated in my dominions;
+some day, perhaps, one of my descendants, or some generous Indian, will
+deliver my country from the Spanish yoke; I wish only that the Indians
+who were killed in the conquest of Mexico, should have the liberty to
+roast upon spits, and eat their cruel enemies; and in this manner my
+nation shall be sufficiently revenged.”
+
+“We accord to Montezuma,” said Lucifer, “the Spaniards who conquered
+Mexico, with the exception of the tailors, whom we reserve for our own
+table.”
+
+After that came an abbot, who took the title of ten abbeys, besides
+priories, and eighteen cures.  “Behold,” said Lucifer, “an abbot, with as
+many titles as a Roman emperor: speak, of whom do you complain? had you
+not a sufficient income to live honourably in the world, according to
+your degree?  How have you employed your revenue?  Play, women, good
+cheer, horses, dogs, equipage, dress, and relations, have eaten it.  You
+demand, without doubt, justice against the authors of your ruin: I grant
+it amply and promptly.  For the mortification of your enemies, I
+surrender you to the troop of beggars who throng the avenues of my
+palace, and who would not have been damned, if, by alms which would have
+cost you but little, you had removed from them the necessity of becoming
+thieves and robbers: go, learn in hell to spend but little yourself.”
+
+The minettes, the bigots, and hypocrites, demanded audience.  “These are
+very pleasant people,” said Lucifer to Jupiter; “they will divert us.”
+
+“An Italian comic writer,” said one of them, “has burlesqued us, as if it
+was wrong to _seem_ honest men in the public eye.  When one has not the
+substance of virtue, is it reprehensible to set a good example?  It is
+true, that if our lives, hidden under this cloak, had been exposed, our
+hypocrisy and spurious piety would have been easily detected; but we
+injured no person, and if any one was scandalized by our example, it was
+for conscience sake.”
+
+The Italian writer, who happened to be present, and whom I had not before
+perceived, cried out, “satyrists of France and Italy, our cause is
+common.”
+
+Immediately there appeared a number of comic writers, ranged under their
+respective masters, among whom I saw, with pleasure, Juvenal, Terence,
+Plautus, Seneca the tragedian, and Greek, Latin, and French authors,
+ancient and modern.  The writer, behind whom they were ranged, decried
+the manners of his age, and exposed the wickedness of hypocrites, who,
+abusing all that is sacred in religion, to deceive men, dupe the simple,
+and gain an unmerited reputation.  Who would believe that a man was
+wicked enough to wish to deceive, at the same time, both God and man?
+This is what hypocrites do, when under the veil of divine love, and with
+an air of humility, more haughty than vanity itself, they conceal sensual
+affections, hatred of brethren, and a licentious life, unknown but to
+those who participate in it.—A woman wishes to hide from her husband an
+amorous intrigue; she is at her devotions in the morning, and in the
+evening still goes to a lecture, where she knows she shall see her
+friend.  Often the church itself is the theatre of a love scene—the
+preacher, a fine young man, whose manners are more fascinating than his
+discourse.  Frequently some broad-shouldered fellow sets at nought truth,
+chastity, continence, the money of husbands, and so forth.  Affairs of
+business are conducted on the same principle, as those of love.  “Who
+would believe that this devout man was a usurer: that he had possession,
+almost for nothing, of the meadow, the vineyard, and the house of a
+peasant!  Oh, this is a holy man! he is full of conscience; every day
+constantly at church, his piety is exemplary.  Behold the fate of a
+hypocrite: this knavery, is it any thing but a dead loss? for of what
+service is it to bigots to live in such uneasy constraint, if that does
+not procure them pleasure, property, or the gratification of their
+vanity?
+
+“And I,” said a woman, “can I be accused of hypocrisy?  My virtue, my
+science, my writings, do they not demonstrate the unfeignedness of my
+devotion?  Should I be spoken of in any other way than as Saint Therese?
+Have I not had, in that character, apparitions, visions, a spirit of
+prophecy, and a discernment into the heart and conscience?”
+
+“Contemplate, sirs,” said the satirist, “the people of the spirit, if
+such a thing is not above your comprehension.  What is this but to
+deceive the world by spiritual artifices?  What is this incomprehensible
+new grace?  What devotee but has possessed it; and what mystick but has
+held the same language?  Truly, madam, grace is very much obliged to you,
+and fanaticism owes you thanks; visionaries and lunaticks have gained
+their causes; the ancient heretics and comforters owe you a statue and a
+chapel.”
+
+Another woman said, “I have not had visions; but I have experienced
+realities: I have seen what I thought I saw; and if I had any devotion it
+was for my directors.  I had one whom I looked upon as my guardian angel;
+I had for him an extreme friendship; I made him presents and he never
+failed in any thing towards me; I saw him every day, and should have
+preferred deceiving my father rather than him.  Was he sick, I suffered
+also; and to solace him, sent meats, confections, fruits, and even money.
+I was so chagrined at his absence that I could not bear my own house; I
+became unquiet, impatient and melancholy; every thing vexed me.  His
+superiors having ordered his change, I almost expired with grief; I wrote
+to him by every mail; if I received not his letters, I felt new sorrow: a
+thousand phantoms presented themselves to my imagination.  I fancied him
+as bestowing his pains upon another object, and thought that absence and
+change of residence had altered his inclination.  He returned: what
+rapture!  I ran to his house, although in dishabille: on the morrow I was
+at his feet; each day of the week I go to recount to him my pleasures and
+pains.  In the mean time an honest man sought me in marriage; I consulted
+my director; he charged me to dismiss this man, who accordingly received
+his farewell.  Another brave cavalier offered himself and received the
+same answer.  Behold me now in my thirty-fifth year; my director exhorted
+me to consecrate to God my virginity: I retired to a monastery, but he
+was not willing that I should take the veil.  At length he died; I wept,
+I regretted him; I observed a nine days’ devotion for his death.  When my
+grief was assuaged, I reflected upon my age: the time of youth was past;
+I took the veil, contracted some amiable acquaintances, founded funeral
+obsequies for the repose of my soul, bequeathed my estate to the convent,
+and died.  This is my history; this is true devotion.”
+
+“And I,” said another menette, “had no such object to fix my imagination;
+I wore invariably a modest dress, my veil always drawn over my eyes, and
+sleeves to my very hands: I rose early in the morning to go to church,
+and was constantly seen at all devotional exercises; for me there was
+neither parties, assemblies, nor feasts: I did not attach myself to my
+confessor, although often at his grate.  In the mean time, I had some
+good friends, who went about preaching my virtue far and wide, and
+principally to those rich men whom they knew not to be fond of gallantry,
+and yet exceedingly fearful of what generally happens to men of their
+years after marriage.  Your affair is finished, say they to the marrying
+men; I have discovered a girl of superlative virtue, who knows not a
+single man in the world, and who is so unsophisticated with respect to
+love matters, that she does not even know the name of masculine garments;
+always engaged in her domestic duties; without luxury, without vanity,
+rich withal, and beloved of her father.  ‘This is a girl that will
+exactly suit me,’ said an opulent citizen with sixty years and the gout;
+‘I shall have a nurse for the remainder of my life; I will make her fine
+presents, and after my death she shall have the enjoyment of my estate.’
+In fine, they consulted me with regard to this man; I demanded time to
+determine; something unlucky might happen to my virtue; I asked light
+from above; heaven appeared favourable to this union.  See me then
+espoused; I play the innocent, the ingenuous: my husband, deceived,
+felicitates himself in my simplicity: all this time I secretly received
+the attentions of a handsome young man; the more I saw him, the stronger
+appeared my conjugal attachment.  Behold my history, and discreet
+devotion.”
+
+I saw still other menettes of different characters, who exposed the
+motives of their hypocrisy, and confessed that they had no other
+religion.  These are liars, for truly religious souls shun ostentation:
+true devotion is so considerate, that those who possess it endeavour to
+conceal it, to avoid being elevated in the opinion of the world.
+Christian humility flies the eulogies of men: their praise seems a
+dangerous enemy, which, in flattering, withdraws the heart from the right
+way; it refuses the recompense due to merit, and contents itself with
+affording that good example, which the honour of virtue and religion
+demand; all which, Jupiter, in a homily to the fanatics, set forth at
+large.  The following is the decree that was then read and published
+before this great audience, in presence of the demons and the damned.
+
+
+
+DECREE OF LUCIFER.
+
+
+“LUCIFER, to the legions of demons and damned people of hell,
+unhappiness, despair, eternal pains.  In order to the due execution of
+justice and vengeance entrusted to our hands, _we will_, _ordain_, and
+_command_, under the severest penalties:
+
+“First, that our demons be always present at the tribunals of the world,
+whether secular or canonical; that they take care of the account books of
+merchants; prevent soldiers from thinking of death; trouble the
+imagination of fanatics; inspire mundane sentiments in those who wish to
+enter holy orders, benefices, and monasteries; that they be the
+confidants of intrigues; that they repeat every day, to wives and
+daughters, what a lovely young man has said to them once only: in fine,
+let nothing be done in the world; let nothing be transacted in the shops,
+bureaus, academies, places of commerce, etc. at which they shall not be
+present; and we charge them to render an account to ourselves once a
+year.
+
+“Secondly, we ordain them reporters, flatterers, go-betweens, authors of
+discord, divisions and lawsuits, under pain of disobedience.
+
+“Thirdly, we order, also, in the matter which concerns those condemned to
+hell, that the judgments we have pronounced against them in their causes
+be put into immediate execution; that all those who have been condemned,
+whether individually or collectively, return to their cells, resume their
+irons, and there remain to all eternity, without hope of solace, or
+change in their sufferings.  Such is our will, and we make no distinction
+in favour of pagan gods and goddesses, whom we regard in the same light
+as other subjects of our empire.”
+
+                                * * * * *
+
+When Lucifer had spoken, his visage entirely changed; his eyes became
+sparkling like two flambeaus; his nostrils cast out smoke mixed with
+fire; his mouth exhaled an infectious odour; his hands and feet changed
+to claws; from behind him issued a long tail, upon the end of which was a
+great button of iron; his ears were horns like those of the rhinoceros:
+he spoke again, and his voice sounded like the crash of thunder.  This is
+the substance of what he uttered: “Let these places return to their
+former state; let darkness pervade the whole region; let the prisons shut
+with horrid sound upon all this infernal race; let rage and despair seize
+upon the damned; let a violent fire devour them; let the worm of remorse
+knaw without consuming, and let the habitude of torment afford no solace.
+Go, miserable wretches! obey! precipitate yourselves into these black
+retreats! suffer without expiation! and let my ears be sweetly flattered
+by the sound of your cries and chains!”
+
+When Lucifer had pronounced this terrible sentence my demon transported
+me out of the hall, and at the same instant I heard it and the whole
+palace sink with a horrid crash.  Those crushed among the ruins uttered
+the most lamentable cries: I then perceived an immense volume of smoke;
+after that I found myself in the midst of the field which is at the
+extremity of my garden, from whence I returned to my house, totally
+absorbed in the contemplation of this vision.—If the things here related
+did not actually pass in hell as I have supposed, the probability is,
+that the fact does not widely differ from the representation.  The
+judgments of Lucifer are there promptly executed, without notice to the
+culprit: cases are decided without advocates: no person is absolved, for
+innocence never enters places destined to eternal punishment.  The fire
+of hell exposes their perfidious designs, their passions and crimes; it
+reveals all secrets, and sets forth the reasons for which the guilty have
+been condemned.  The sight of suffering companions affords no relief; it
+rather augments their grief; contrary to which, in the world, egotism and
+corruption render them insensible to the sufferings of another.  The
+_reformation_ made by Lucifer operates invisibly in the commerce of men;
+the demons and our passions are the causes of the disorder and injustice
+that prevail in society.  Oh! if it was possible for each one really to
+behold what is here only imagined, how soon would they abandon their
+careless manner of life!  But ought we to be more wicked because we have
+less fear?  Let us think, let us think upon the other world; let us
+seriously reflect upon our latter end; if that offers us happiness and
+rapture, let us, by perseverance, endeavour to attain it; but if, on the
+contrary, we anticipate unhappiness and anguish, let us spare no pains to
+escape so direful a doom; let the aspect of hell contribute to the
+reformation of our manners, and be so impressed upon our minds as to be
+the means of our salvation from the greatest of all evils.
+
+                                * * * * *
+
+                                 THE END.
+
+
+
+
+***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VISIONS OF QUEVEDO***
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