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+The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Visions of Quevedo, by Dom Francisco de
+Quevedo, Translated by William Elliot
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: The Visions of Quevedo
+
+
+Author: Dom Francisco de Quevedo
+
+
+
+Release Date: January 30, 2013  [eBook #41950]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VISIONS OF QUEVEDO***
+
+
+Transcribed from the 1832 Literary Rooms edition by David Price, email
+ccx074@pglaf.org
+
+
+
+
+
+                                   THE
+                           VISIONS OF QUEVEDO.
+
+
+                       TRANSLATED FROM THE SPANISH.
+
+                                * * * * *
+
+                           BY WM. ELLIOT, ESQ.
+
+                                * * * * *
+
+                              PHILADELPHIA:
+                    LITERARY ROOMS, 121 CHESNUT STREET
+                       HENRY H. PORTER, PROPRIETOR.
+
+                                * * * * *
+
+                                  1832.
+
+                                * * * * *
+
+Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1831, by HENRY H.
+PORTER, in the Clerk’s Office of the District Court, of the Eastern
+District of Pennsylvania.
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+
+THE Translator of the Visions of Quevedo, can truly say, that the
+pleasure he himself derived from their perusal in the original, alone
+gave him the idea of translating them into English.  It is believed by
+the writer of this article, that the present is the only English
+translation of the Visions of Quevedo, although they have been translated
+into many other languages, and into French no fewer than five several
+times by as many different authors: the last of which, that has fallen
+under his notice, was published at Paris in 1812, the plan of which has
+been followed in the present version.  The advertisement to that edition,
+contains the following just remarks—“The _Visions_, are regarded as the
+most piquant production, that ever came from the fruitful and ingenious
+pen of Quevedo, one of the best Spanish writers.  In general, the
+criticisms they present, although mixed with some tedious detail, have
+much point, and do not fail in their application at the present day.”  It
+is hoped the reader will condescend to excuse any inaccuracies that have
+escaped the translator’s attention, and realize from the perusal
+entertainment sufficient to recompense him for his time.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+Notice of the Life of Quevedo                                  7
+Night First . . . The Demon                                   11
+Night Second . . . Death and her Palace                       33
+Night Third . . . The Last Judgment                           56
+Night Fourth . . . The Country and the Palace of Love         70
+Night Fifth . . . The World                                   84
+Night Sixth . . . Hell                                       101
+Night Seventh . . . Reformation of Hell                      146
+
+
+
+
+NOTICE OF THE LIFE OF QUEVEDO.
+
+
+FRACOIS DE QUEVEDO DE VILLEGAS, a Spanish gentleman, and knight of the
+order of Saint James, was born in 1570, at Villa Nueva de l’Infantado;
+and not at Madrid, as has been asserted by Moreri, and repeated after him
+in the _Historical Dictionary_ of Lyons.  He was lord of Juan Abbate, in
+the province of La Mancha, an estate of which he bore the title.  After
+having visited Italy, France, and all Spain, and rendered the most signal
+services to the Spanish ministry, he took up his residence at Madrid.
+
+During his stay at court, he devoted himself to study and composition:
+being considered the most polished writer of his time, and one who united
+in himself the greatest versatility of talent.  The taste of Quevedo
+naturally inclined him to fictitious composition.  Endowed with keen
+perceptions, a vivid imagination, and rapidity of invention, he is not
+indebted to the drudgery of research, and other men’s thoughts for his
+immortal productions: depending solely upon his own resources, he was
+emphatically an original writer.
+
+The author of the _Spanish Library_, expresses himself of Quevedo, in the
+following terms: “He knew how to reconcile the gravest studies with
+pleasantries and wit.  His style is embellished with the ornaments of an
+adroitly managed application: he has so much finesse, such an immense
+fund of invention, of ideas as novel as ingenious—so much soft and
+delicate irony: he understands so well, whether in verse or prose, how to
+sketch with facility a pleasant or ridiculous subject, that among gay
+writers there is not one comparable to him.  Nervous and sublime in
+heroic poetry, graceful in lyric verse, full of wit and gaiety in his
+sportive works, his genius illuminates the weakest subjects.”
+
+His poetical effusions have been very much sought after.  Nicholas
+Antonio, an excellent critic, says, also, that in the higher walks of
+poetry, he has force and sublimity.  His luxuriant imagination carried
+him alternately to both sacred and profane verse.  He wrote divers
+religious treatises, and many essays extremely amusing, besides
+translations in verse and prose.  He published, among other works, the
+_Spanish Panassus_, and the novel known by the name of the _Sharper_.
+
+His works have been published in four volumes folio, and in eleven
+volumes octavo.  They comprise, under the title of _Dreams_ or _Visions_,
+divers works of his, published at different times, in various places, and
+with different titles.
+
+Quevedo, in his old age, was very infirm; and, at an advanced period of
+his life, was imprisoned by order of Count d’Olivarez, for a libel upon
+his administration, in which situation he remained till the death of the
+minister.  He died at Villa Nueva de l’Infantado, the place of his birth,
+on the eighth day of September, 1645.
+
+
+
+
+FIRST NIGHT.
+THE DEMON.
+
+
+THE prayers of the church being considered as the most efficacious
+remedies that can be employed against the possession of the devil, a
+malady almost invincible, some wealthy inhabitants of the country had
+brought into this city of Seville, one of their relations, who was thus
+afflicted, to confide his cure to a religious of renowned sanctity; or,
+in other words, for the purpose of having him exorcised.  On the day
+assigned for this operation, the possessed was carried to the church of
+the Cordeliers, which very soon overflowed with spectators.  The gates
+having been shut before my arrival, I engaged a religious of my
+acquaintance to admit me.  He introduced me by the gate of the monastery;
+but I had no sooner entered the church, than I had reason to repent my
+curiosity: I was hustled by the crowd, and overcome with the heat.  There
+my regards were attracted by an unhappy wretch, of an ill figure, with
+wild eyes and dishevelled garments, his hands bound behind his back, and
+uttering from time to time the most frightful yells.  There was much
+impatience testified to behold this holy priest, of whom I have spoken,
+whose name was _Juan de Cardanas_, father of Barnadino de Cardanas,
+Capuchin, and Bishop of Paragua, in America.  After the performance of
+mass, he found himself so much indisposed, that they were obliged to
+postpone the exorcism till another day.  I was not sorry; for, not
+partaking in the credulity of the people, who often impute epileptical
+complaints to the operation of demons, I had for a long time been
+desirous of personally verifying those things they relate concerning the
+possessions of the devil.  I lost no time in visiting the relations of
+this unhappy person, whom I shrewdly suspected had recourse to this
+adroit method to rid themselves of the inconvenience of certain
+pecadilloes he had been engaged in.  I inspired them with sufficient
+confidence to obtain permission to visit their lodgings the following
+night, with a view of making such an examination as I should judge
+proper.  I preferred this time to any other, that I might the better
+conceal the defeat of my enterprize if it should not succeed.
+
+The night being come, I was introduced into the chamber of the possessed
+whom they had placed upon a bed in such a manner that he could not rise.
+The presence of his friends prevented me from the proposition of certain
+questions I had meditated.  The following will serve as a sample:
+
+Is it possible to find out the philosopher’s stone?
+
+Can the quadrature of the circle be discovered?
+
+Is there an universal panacea for every disease?
+
+Is there among herbs, any simples which can inspire love in women, or
+protect from blows and wounds?
+
+I had put in writing some other objects of my curiosity; but as it was
+not a convenient time to propound them, I began to feel the pulse of the
+possessed.  It was frequent and elevated: from time to time his eyes were
+troubled; and he had convulsive movements, from which he suffered very
+much.
+
+After having examined his body, I examined his mind, speaking to him in
+Greek, Hebrew, Turkish, Indian, and even in the Mexican tongue.  He
+answered me always very appropriately in Spanish, which convinced me that
+he was in truth possessed with a devil; for although he spake not all
+languages, he nevertheless understood them, which could not naturally
+happen without study or travel.  His relations assured me he had done
+neither the one nor the other.
+
+I demanded of the demon, what name he had in hell?
+
+He answered, “that he had no other appellation than that of the
+employment which he exercised in the world: that he had been for a long
+time in the service of an alguazil, in whom he inspired all the chicanery
+and wickedness with which he plagued poor people.”
+
+Let us remark here, that the word _alguazil_ is borrowed from the Moresco
+tongue, and signifies in Spanish, a constable, a cryer, a clerk, or other
+subaltern of justice.
+
+“Why,” said I to the demon, “are you entered into the body of this man?”
+
+“Because he was himself an alguazil, and a person of a licentious life.
+After having been banished from his paternal home, finding himself
+necessitous, he associated with alguazils to extort money, under pretence
+of executing the decrees of justice, and in the arrest of bodies, which
+he often abandoned for small sums.  It was in the execution of this
+business, that he stole a silver cup from the house of a country curate,
+and subtracted a purse of one hundred ducats from the pocket of a man,
+who, for the stuff, was delivered from the hands of justice.”
+
+I asked him if there were many of these people in hell?
+
+“Very many,” answered he: “the constables have neither honour nor
+conscience; they drive their trade whether they know any thing of the
+matter or not: in that particular they resemble the poets.  You shall
+scarcely find in hell, a single poet, who will not tell you that he was
+sent there on account of the versified lies he told in praise of some
+beauty.  The poetic spirit hath its origin in the disposition of the
+heart, to receive tender impressions: it is the lover of heroism and
+romance; and to sustain this character, must necessarily make use of much
+artifice.  The old poets serve as secretaries to young lovers; the young
+ones are ambitious of blazing as the heroes of their own compositions.
+There are so many poets in hell, that it can hardly fail of aggrandizing
+their quarter.  I wish to speak in such a manner, that you may comprehend
+the nature of their occupations and torments there; but of which you
+cannot have an adequate idea, unless I shall here adduce some examples:—
+
+“When these authors enter the subterranean abodes, they look around for a
+Charon, a dog Cerberus, a Rhadamanthus, a Pluto, and all the infernal
+divinities of fable.  In place of that, the demons make them realize,
+that this is a place much more horrible than that: but this is not their
+severest punishment; they are forced to hear the compositions of other
+poets, who are their superiors in talent; then they are tormented by
+jealousy; they hate the _epigrams_ of Martial, the _stanzas_ of Catullus,
+the _odes_ of Horace, the _beauties_ of Virgil, the _satires_ of Juvenal,
+the _comedies_ of Terence, and the _tragedies_ of Seneca.  It is thus
+also the historians suffer, when they listen to the histories of
+Herodotus, of Titus, Livy, of Sallust, and of Cæsar.
+
+“What a punishment for these rhymsters, when they recollect their own
+works!  You cannot imagine the pain they experience, in finding a
+felicitous rhyme, a happy epithet, a just pause, or an harmonious
+cadence: they are more tormented by an _a_ or an _e_, than Tantalus is by
+thirst, or the Italians are with their jealousy, when they have Frenchmen
+at their houses.  And the comic poets, how are they punished, for having
+filched away the reputation of so many princesses and queens of Castile,
+of Leon, of Arragon, and other places!  This is as fertile a field for
+them, as all the wars of the Moors of Granada; but for these larcenies,
+they suffer sharper agonies as Christians, than will ever be inflicted
+upon the barbarians and Mohammedans, for all their battles and burnings,
+or upon the alguazils, even for their violences and exactions.
+
+“Behold, in review of the subject,” said the demon, who spake by the
+mouth of the possessed, “there is a much nearer resemblance between poets
+and alguazils, than one would, at a first glance, imagine.”
+
+“A fine comparison,” said I, “for such a false spirit as you!”
+
+“How!” answered he, “are not poets and alguazils both thieves? and if you
+would but confess it, you well know, that in making these remarks of
+poets, I speak to a poet, whom I wish to undeceive.  Do you not recollect
+the old Spanish proverb, _He who never composed two verses_, _had no
+wit_; _and he who produced four_, _was a fool_?”
+
+“I confess,” said I, “that to be a poet, one must have an original turn
+of imagination; and the same qualification is necessary to a painter: one
+would find it very difficult to assume, without merit, the rank of
+Apelles and Michael Angelo: but as they cannot justly call these
+celebrated artists so generally admired, fools, so neither do I believe
+they can accuse of folly the great poets of Spain, of Italy, of France,
+of Turkey, of Persia, and of China: for in all these places they have
+made verses.”
+
+“Yes,” said he, “and in all these places there are fools, alguazils,
+painters, astrologers, jealous or complaisant husbands, mountebanks,
+perfumers, plagiaries, triflers, and slaves of business or pleasure.  All
+these, under pretext of pleasure or justice, steal, without compunction,
+the wealth of others.”
+
+“Oh!” said I to him, “I now recognize in you a true demon; you delight to
+lie, and in crying out that all who serve the public rob them, you
+enhance their reputation.  But tell me what robbery a magistrate commits,
+when he obeys, and wishes to compel others to obey, the laws of his
+prince? when, in fine, he distributes to every one justice?  Without
+justice, which punishes and avenges, no one could enjoy security in his
+own house.  A whole city might be given up to pillage, and become more
+horrible than the hell you inhabit; a state of things which must excite a
+very just indignation among reasonable people; that is, among those who
+understand the principles of order, equity, and natural right.  And what
+a picture would every family offer!  Children opposing themselves to
+their fathers, and servants against their masters; brothers would make
+laws for brothers, and mothers have no authority over their daughters!”
+
+“Behold,” said the demon, “a superb description of the disorder which
+would happen, if the gentlemen of justice did not make it their duty to
+become the first robbers!”
+
+“Do you call the pecuniary penalties they impose, robbery?” replied I.
+“They are wisely established as a check upon avarice and usury, which are
+the ruin of families.  The fines they impose are regarded sometimes as
+extortions; but they are not so; for if the community provided not for
+the necessities of all, do you believe that individuals would furnish of
+themselves, what is necessary for the republic? do you believe they would
+contribute without a demand?  There is not among the officers of
+government, so much cupidity and bad faith, as you charge them with.  But
+answer me: without their assistance, their care, their vigilance, would
+there be any security to emperors, kings, popes, and bishops in their
+beds, or repose in their dignities?”
+
+“I have not,” said the demon, “so bad a tongue as you believe.  I know,
+truly, all the affairs of the world, and the state of every condition in
+republics.  In accusing the most of mankind, I do them no injustice: and
+those evils which you say would happen, without the assistance of those
+who are appointed to execute the laws, happen in spite of their wisdom.
+The worst of it is, they are brought about by those very persons who are
+expected to prevent it, and who are paid for that object.  Whence has it
+arisen that so many emperors have been killed, so many kings dethroned,
+so many popes declared anti-popes, so many bishops dismissed, so many
+magistrates suppressed, so many families ruined, so many cities pillaged,
+so many provinces reduced to famine?  It is by the ministers of justice,
+by the overseers of administrations, that all these things are done,
+either directly or indirectly: directly, with a view to profit by the
+disorder; or indirectly, from a culpable inertness.  How do so many
+officers of the long robe contrive to live?  They lengthen out their
+robes with the pieces they snatch from the officers of the short robes.
+A man who goes to law, may be compared to him who orders a coat: he will
+have a good coat, but yet not receive all the stuff he delivered to his
+tailor.  He will take enough for two pair of sleeves, and two fore parts;
+he will take twice as many buttons, twice as much silk, binding, and
+lining, as is necessary for one garment; and you shall have but one, when
+you ought to have two out of the cloth you purchased.  A Spanish grandee,
+wishing to have a coat in the French style, purchased as much cloth as
+the tailor demanded of him, whom he also left at liberty to take as much
+lining, assorted to the colour of the cloth.  After they had taken his
+measure, he caused them to call the tailor, and told him that he desired
+the lining of one coat to be red, and that of the other yellow.
+
+“‘How, my lord,’ said the tailor, ‘do you wish me to make two coats, when
+you have given me stuff but for one?’
+
+“‘Yes; I do expect it,’ said the grandee; ‘and if you do not make them
+both sufficiently large, I will put you in a safe place.’
+
+“The tailor, who feared the prison, made two garments as long and large
+as they ought to be, without purchasing another shred of cloth.  When he
+brought them home, the lord caused all the stuff to be measured by an
+engineer, in his service; he found that it yet wanted half a quarter of
+an ell, besides the little pieces he was forced to cut out for the
+angles.  This was not all; the Spanish grandee, whose name I can tell
+you, which was _Don Pedro de Saccaso_, wished that the master tailor
+should pay him for two garments, which he cabbaged out of stuff he had
+delivered him the preceding spring; and as the tailor cried out at this
+injustice, the grandee refused to pay him for the fashion, lining, and
+trimming of gold of these two last.  Thus you will comprehend,” observed
+the demon, “in what particular the people charged with the administration
+of justice resemble tailors, and in what manner they are unjust, even in
+rendering justice.  In their suits they generally make certain pieces of
+meadow or vineyard the object of contention; and if the parties complain
+of want of money to pay their fees, they take from them that which they
+demand at their tribunal.”
+
+“So,” said I to the demon, “there is no justice upon earth!”
+
+“No, no, there is none,” added he; “and it is not to-day, that for the
+first time the complaint has been uttered.  The fable says, that Astrea
+being come with truth among men, was obliged to return to heaven, because
+no person would receive her.  Truth met with the same fate, after having
+wandered through the world, sometimes among the Egyptians, sometimes
+among the Greeks, sometimes among the Romans, and sometimes even among
+the Chinese; she was constrained, at length, to retire to the house of a
+poor mute, who yet, by false and equivocal signs, gave her to understand
+that he wished to get rid of her company.  She then returned to the place
+from whence she came.  Justice perceiving they would not tolerate her in
+courts, among the abodes of princes, in palaces, or great cities, fled
+into the villages, where, however, she did not tarry a long-time; for the
+stewards of the lords, that is, those ignorant stewards who seek but to
+amass money with which to pay their charges, gave her chase, and forced
+her to regain her own country.  The beauty of Astrea, or Justice,
+resembles that of the stars—shining, noble, and worthy of admiration; but
+this is only when beheld at a distance; for were you to approach too near
+to a star, although it appears to you so diminutive, it would consume you
+in an instant.  Justice is fair, but she is proud, austere, rigid,
+inexorable, and no respecter of persons: she wishes to be sought and
+beloved, but she loves not one friend more than another; and like love,
+she travels a little in the rear.  Is it possible to find any thing more
+exact, more faithful, more laborious, more submissive, more complaisant,
+than a violent love?  It fails not in the minutest particular; it knows
+no concealment; nothing appears difficult to it; it is always ready to
+obey, accounting no toil disagreeable; in the desire, to please, it finds
+every thing just as it wishes.  Justice does the same in another sense,
+for she meets with exactness in the slightest circumstance: she is
+faithful in the least things; she is laborious, and fears no pain; she is
+submissive to the laws which she imposes; she is complaisant for herself,
+and even sometimes appears unjust, so impartial and rigorous is she.”
+
+“I suppose then,” said I, “there are many judges in hell, if what you say
+is correct, which seems to me very probable.”
+
+“Yes,” replied the demon, “they are there in great numbers, and we have
+put them in the same place with thieves and robbers.  One circumstance
+that will surprise you, is, that their multitude is as considerable as
+that of the amorous; although they have among the former, only the men
+who were judges: and among the latter, men and women who have loved once
+at least in their lives.”
+
+“You wish to give me to understand,” said I to him, “that there are many
+lovers in hell; but can that be?  If men were damned for this passion, no
+person should be exempt from your infernal jurisdiction.  But this
+passion hath one great advantage; it is conformable to the charity that
+men owe to one another, and is always accompanied with repentance, and
+certain remorse of conscience, when it departs from those who have been
+possessed.  One sees young girls even, who repent of their faults.  How
+many religions houses are founded by penitence! how many old coquettes
+give themselves up to devotion! how many men follow their example, after
+love has fled with beauty, constitution, and wealth!”
+
+“But,” said the demon, “how many men and women, young and old, die in
+their amours, and count you for nothing the despair, the chagrin, the
+secret pains under which so many lovers have succumbed?  Know you not
+that some temperaments are so affected by this passion, that they quit it
+but with life?  If I should relate to you the histories of both sexes
+perverted by the perusal of gallant adventures, and having no other
+desire in their souls but to experience the like; if I should cause you
+to see the occupations of these people in hell, you would pity some,
+while you could not help laughing at the folly of others.  You would see
+young men burning at the feet of their mistresses; and old ones, who, to
+please theirs, are continually shaving themselves, or plucking out their
+beard, and who put on bland perukes, to give themselves a youthful
+appearance; young girls, who imagine themselves to be Cleopatras,
+Artemisias, and Clelias; old coquettes, who paint themselves continually
+before their glass, who torment their locks, tightening the
+forehead-cloth to efface the wrinkles, and adjusting to the mouth
+artificial teeth of ivory or wax: but all their cases are lost, since
+there is nothing substantial in the other world.  You would be
+astonished, if I were to point out to you all the girls who have taken
+certain means to hide the effects of their love sports.  It would of
+necessity be seen, how many surgeons and physicians follow in their
+train; and if any one should inquire why these people are in hell, who
+have rendered such universal service, I answer, because they ought not to
+afford assistance to every one.  Can they, for instance,” added he,
+“conscientiously administer those remedies to cause hemorrhages, which
+end in abortion?”
+
+And as I was about to observe, that the physicians could not be cognizant
+of a malady which they would not discover—
+
+“I understand you,” interrupted the demon: “be sure they know well
+enough, without that; at any rate, it is their duty to know, or to
+suspect.”
+
+“But,” said I to him, “is there not another secret you have omitted, of
+similar effect to the assistance of the physicians?”
+
+“Yes,” he answered: “there are the poisoners, sorcerers, and adroit
+women, who teach these mysteries; and there are some in hell who yet
+continue this infamous practice.”
+
+“You would have it understood,” said I, “that you are a good devil; a
+devil of honour and conscience: you would make a good preacher; the flock
+would doubtless edify by your sermons.”
+
+“Be persuaded,” said he, “that if I preach not agreeable things, I
+announce wholesome truths: believe also, that I have many preachers
+dependent upon me.  ‘Who are they?’ you inquire.  They are those who
+preach for their own glory, to establish a reputation, to acquire
+celebrity, to gain benefices, and levy contributions upon poor devotees.
+They commit wickedness in doing good to others; in teaching and edifying
+them.  If we lose the hearers through the instrumentality of their
+discourses, we gain the pastors, which is more honourable to us.
+Finally, I declare to you, that it is by the order of God, that I speak
+to you before all these persons: I warn you, in particular, that you are
+lost, unless you abandon all the projects of ambition you have formed,
+and unless you renounce poetry, which is at the same time so agreeable
+and fatal.
+
+“Draw near,” said he, to an old man, a relation of the possessed:
+“restore the three farms you illegally detain.  You, young man, imitate
+Hercules no more with your strength and intrigue; Hercules is dead; you
+may find men who will kill you.—You old judge of the village, you have a
+very delicate and perilous charge: you were the valet of the lord of the
+domain; you have preserved in your new station, the spirit of servitude,
+which is not sympathetic with justice.  The petition of your ancient
+master, you stupid wretch.  The three peasants who have bound and
+strangled the helpless patient upon his bed, are those who enjoy the
+benefit.  It is now six years since the farm-house of their master was
+consumed with fire: they ought to be punished for these crimes.—As to
+those young ladies, they would do well not to admit, for the future, the
+two strangers, whom they entertain every evening in their chambers, and
+whom they introduce by the garden.  Profit, all of you, by what you have
+now heard: I shall speak to you no more, for to-morrow the priest comes
+to exorcise me, and I shall depart from the body of this subject, it
+being the will of God that I should go forth, to attest his power and the
+glory of his name.”
+
+The demon having finished this discourse, took pleasure in tormenting the
+possessed, and making him utter moving cries.  I feared the neighbourhood
+would be alarmed, and that some one would recognize me in a place where I
+could not be with honour.  In returning to my house, I reflected upon the
+wisdom of God, who draweth good from evil, and causeth demons to speak as
+angels of light.  The prophet hath also remarked, that divine Providence
+disposeth things in such a manner, that the hands of our enemies can
+conduce to our welfare.  This is the first possessed I ever saw in the
+course of my life, and the first time I ever conversed with a demon.  God
+grant that I may never behold another, neither in this world, nor in the
+world to come!
+
+
+
+
+SECOND NIGHT
+DEATH AND HER PALACE.
+
+
+THERE are those who affirm that none but the wicked are subjected to
+unpleasant thoughts.  I have been acquainted with many persons, but I
+could never find one who was not ready to confess, there were moments of
+sadness that invaded the soul, the cause of which they could not explain.
+These spring, sometimes from a vicious temperament: the humours mixing
+themselves with the blood, carry to the brain those spirits that trace
+upon the imagination frightful and whimsical figures, from whence come
+those disagreeable dreams and visions that surprise us in the night.
+Dreams proceed often from heaven, often from the devil, and frequently
+from natural causes; thus we have thoughts of death, after conversation
+on the subject, or having read a book that treated of it.  To speak
+plainly, it seems that Providence sends us such dreams, for the purpose
+of forcing our attention to the consideration of those subjects we are
+generally reluctant to reflect upon.  Such is, without doubt, the origin
+of this I have had concerning death.
+
+I read one night before retiring, the verse of Lucretius, one of the most
+learned men, and best poets of antiquity.  I found an eminently beautiful
+passage, where he says, that all nature, with one consent, elevating her
+voice, speaks thus to mankind:—“Why, O mortals, do you groan for such a
+length of time, and why are you so sharply afflicted?  Why do you submit
+to the slavery of flying from death, and the fear thereof?  Why do you
+continually reflect upon the pleasures of youth?  The enjoyments of this
+season have passed with the days you regret, as grain escapes from a
+sack, from whence it finds an issue.  You are fatigued with the world;
+why do you not quit it, as one who returns satisfied from a feast, where
+the viands were exquisite, and the pleasure of the highest flavour?  You
+are convicted of a strange folly: it is in your power to enjoy
+tranquillity; why not, then, seize upon possession?  Why fear death, that
+will render you invulnerable?”
+
+Such are the sentiments of the poet, and they appear like those of a
+saint; but this is nature, or rather, natural reason, teaching us that
+death is not so frightful as we are apt to imagine; and I am not
+therefore surprised, that heathen philosophers have exhibited so constant
+an example of exalted morality.
+
+Likewise I remember what Job has said upon the brevity of human life, and
+the swift arrival of death.  “The life of man,” says this illustrious
+patriarch, “is of short duration: it is a flower, that before it is
+scarcely blown, is despoiled of its leaves: it is a shadow, which flies
+with the rapidity of the wind, without remaining stationary a single
+moment;” and yet, in spite of its brevity, life is subject to so much
+calamity, that it is doubtful whether it should not rather be called
+misery, than life.
+
+Indulging in these grave meditations, I threw myself upon my bed, and
+slept.  My spirit was free from external impressions.  I thought there
+came into the places where my fancy had transported me, a great multitude
+of physicians, mounted upon mules, the housings of which, were clothes of
+the dead.  In the suit of these physicians, who had an air of sourness
+and chagrin, followed a crowd of apothecaries, surgeons, and young
+barbers, who carried the drugs or instruments pertaining to their
+professions.  When the physicians had descended from their mules, they
+began to dance a ballet, to the sound of the mortars and sieves the
+apothecaries and their adjuncts played upon.  This ballet was
+interspersed with songs, in which the physicians took the upper part; the
+words of one of them were as follows:—
+
+    “Catholicum, rhubarbarae, opiata, theriaca,
+    Opoponach, O opium, O laudanum anodinum,
+    Polychrestum diureticum, senne anisatum.”
+
+Two young physicians performed the air in these words:—
+
+    “Recipe, recipe, recipe, recipe senne,
+    Dragmas duas, dragmas duas, dragmas duas,
+          Semi-dragmum rhei electac,
+          Scrupulum unum polychresti,
+    Infundantur, percolentur, hauriantur,
+          Horâ sextâ matutinâ,
+    Recipe, recipe, recipe, etc.”
+
+Two surgeons answered to that, _seca_; _ure_; that is to say, _cut_,
+_burn_; and directly both joined in chorus—these repeating _recipe_, the
+others _ure_, and the last dancing.
+
+This troop having sat, there entered another composed of newsmongers, and
+people who followed them to learn what was transacted abroad in England,
+France, Holland, Italy, and other places.  After these entered
+solicitors, stewards of noble estates, soldiers, priests, and other
+persons whom I did not know.  This cavalcade was terminated by a woman of
+monstrous stature, meagre, pale, and having a very extraordinary
+equipage.  Her head dress consisted of crowns, tiaras, electoral bonnets,
+mitres, red and black hats, hats of straw, turbans, and bonnets of wool
+and silk: upon one side of the head, she had her hair curled and
+powdered; upon the other, shaven after the fashion of monks.  Her robe
+was tissue of thread, wool, and silk, ornamented with trimmings of gold
+and silver, chaplets, precious stones, and pearls: she had upon her feet
+and legs, shoes of iron, wood, and leather: she bore upon a sceptre, a
+shepherd’s crook, a scythe, and a great club: she had one eye open, and
+the other shut; and carried, pendant from her neck, a sand box, with
+crosses of the order of Saint James, of the Holy Ghost, and the medals of
+other military orders: her gait was alternately slow, then quick and
+precipitate.  She approached my bed, and said, “Arise, Chevalier, follow
+me!”
+
+“But, before I follow thee,” replied I, “inform me who you are.”
+
+“I am _Death_,” answered she; “follow me!”
+
+“Is it your pleasure, then, that I should die?”
+
+“No, no! follow me, and leave behind thy garment; for a person is not to
+be clothed when he follows Death.  I will show you my empire, and my
+subjects.  I am the queen of queens, the empress of sovereigns, the
+sovereign of the human race; and the powers of earth are but my
+inspectors.”
+
+“How!” exclaimed I, “dare you to say the king of Spain is your inspector?
+he who possesses so many territories in the world?”
+
+“Follow, follow,” said Death; “I will show you.”
+
+Immediately all those who were there, went out in the same order they had
+entered: Death following the rear of the procession, and I following
+Death.
+
+We traversed vast plains and deserts, which resembled cemeteries, or
+fields of battle, covered with dead.  Directly I perceived, at a
+distance, an immense castle, built in the antique style; and when I had
+drawn near, I observed that the materials were nothing but bones cemented
+with blood and apothecaries’ drugs.  The three porters in the court were
+very pleasant to the sight.  The first resembled a harlequin assuming
+divers attitudes, and having upon his habits the figures of kingdoms and
+provinces of the earth; in such a fashion, indeed, that I seemed to look
+upon a geographical map: his name was the _World_.  The second, who
+called himself the _Flesh_, was naked, like those figures of Priapus one
+sees upon medals.  The third was armed, _cap a pie_, in gold and silver,
+like a curassier.  They told me those three guards were the enemies of
+the world, and the porters of Death.  The pavement of the court was of
+human sculls, as well as that of the chambers: these sculls were arranged
+in such a manner, that they resembled a chess board; some being white,
+and others, having the hair upon them, appeared black.  In the middle of
+this court was a fountain of tears: the figures about the basin,
+represented Uneasiness, Envy, Jealousy, Despair, Knavery, Sickness,
+Medicine, War, Revenge, and Love.  The tapestries of the chambers were
+all upon particular subjects.  One might see in one piece, people
+contracting marriage; in another, lawyers pleading a case; in this,
+merchants preparing for bankruptcy; in that, _honest_ thieves upon the
+grand tour, stripping the peasantry.  The others represented an
+ecclesiastic, who, dying in his bed, has, in his last moments, the
+satisfaction of seeing his house pillaged; a courier riding from Madrid
+to Rome, to solicit a benefice; a tiler falling from the roof of a house;
+a drunken sailor precipitating himself from his vessel into the sea; a
+house burning with such rapidity, that its master is consumed in the
+flames; in fine, one might there perceive every species of human death.
+
+But none of these impressed me with so much horror, as the paintings in
+fresco under the grand portico.  There were here servants who strangled
+their master to obtain his money; children who assassinated their father,
+to come more speedily into possession of his property; subjects who kill
+their king, after having pronounced his condemnation; a woman who poisons
+her husband; and a mistress who does the same to her lover, to revenge
+his infidelity.
+
+In the middle of this gallery, was a colossal figure, representing
+Ingratitude, and elevated upon a pedestal; the relief of which presented
+on the one side Cruelty, on the second Infidelity, on the third Interest,
+on the fourth Ambition.  The base was ornamented with sculptural emblems
+of sporting cupids, satyrs, lions, and cats.
+
+After having traversed the whole extent of this apartment, Death entered
+into a grand and magnificent hall; the sable hangings of which were sown
+with white drops, like the ornaments commonly seen on monuments in
+burying places.  In this hall stood a throne composed of dead men’s
+bones, and which appeared like ivory: four leg bones formed the
+supporters; two arms, with their hands, the arms of the seat; a spinal
+bone, with those of the thighs, composed the back part; the two pommels
+above were two sculls, and the seat was of other bones.  It was ascended
+by four steps, the first of which was called _infancy_, the second
+_youth_, the third _manhood_, and the fourth _old age_.  Death being
+seated, the whole medical corps ranged themselves on either side, the
+others being seated at their feet.
+
+Death spake for some time upon the limits of life, and of the grandeur of
+her empire: she finished her discourse by observing that there was but
+one way of coming into existence, but many ways of quitting it.  She then
+gave a general order for the dead to appear, and all at once I saw them
+fall from the wainscot, and come from the walls and pavement.  “Speak,”
+said the queen, “each in turn.”
+
+The first who commenced, said, “I am Romulus, first king of Rome; my
+ministers not being able to tolerate my government, wished to change it;
+they caused me to be assassinated, and a report spread, that I had, in
+their presence, been translated to heaven.”
+
+“I am,” said another, “Cæsar, first emperor of the Romans: the senate
+caused me to perish by the hand of my adopted son.”
+
+A third, “I am the emperor Claudius, poisoned by my wife.”
+
+A fourth, “I am Alexander the great; I died in the very bosom of a
+debauch.”
+
+A fifth, “I am Codrus, king of the Athenians; I died for my country.”
+
+“And I,” exclaimed a sixth, “am _Charles the fifth_, whose bones my son
+exhumed, and burnt.”
+
+In like manner appeared many of the illustrious dead, now confounded with
+all kinds of people.  When they had spoken, they formed a great circle,
+in the midst of which I perceived a large bottle, from whence issued a
+voice, that said, “I am that famous necromancer, the great magician of
+Europe.  I caused myself to be cut in pieces by one of my servants, and
+shut up in this vessel, expecting my members would re-unite, and my body
+be renewed in its pristine youth; I know not whether the secret was
+false, or if he neglected to follow strictly my orders; but after boiling
+a long time, I formed only a gross, misshapen, and lifeless mass.”
+
+“You then were of opinion,” said death, “that the soul was but a subtle
+fire; a flame that could animate your body, and repair itself!”
+
+“Yes,” answered the necromancer.
+
+“Close the vessel again,” said Death.
+
+When all the by-standers had been heard, they were required to put their
+names upon a great book; and while they were writing, I saw the bottle
+move towards me.  The necromancer within immediately commenced a
+conversation with me; inquiring, “who reigns in Spain?  Does Venice yet
+exist?  What is the news in France?  Are the Calvinists constantly
+triumphant?”
+
+I answered him, “Philip IV. reigns in Spain; Venice is still beautiful,
+rich, and powerful: the Calvinists and their king are always invincible.”
+
+He then besought me to break the bottle.  As I hesitated, not being
+without certain qualms of fear, it swelled, and burst of itself.  I then
+saw what it had contained expand into a human form, and rising up,
+resumed the discourse in this manner:—
+
+“As it is impossible for me to return again into the world, place us
+henceforth among the dead magicians.”
+
+In the place of the bottle, there appeared an old man with a great head
+and a long beard: he was of a grave mein, and held a globe in his hand.
+
+“I am,” said he, “Nestradamus, that great French astrologer, who
+predicted, during my life, every thing that has since happened.”
+
+“How,” said I, “are you he that composed those famous centuries, which,
+after death, were found in your tomb?  Resolve me, I pray you, one of
+your prophecies now in my mind:—
+
+    “‘The sign of Aries shall the world command;
+    Taurus shall rule the waves and solid land;
+    Mother and sire the virgin shall deceive,
+    The mother’s breasts the tender twins shall leave.’”
+
+“That,” said the astrologer, “is as clear as the light of day; and
+signifies, that married men shall frequently resemble rams: the love of
+woman, represented by the bull, shall mingle itself with affairs of every
+kind; the daughter divert herself spite of the advice of her father, and
+the sons laugh at maternal expostulation.”
+
+“And this, what is its signification?” demanded I:—
+
+    “‘Mothers soon shall children bear,
+    Who to name no sire shall dare;
+    None of all the babes they bear,
+    E’er shall lack a father’s care.’”
+
+“That is equally easy of explanation.  I wish to convey the idea, that
+many children shall call those fathers, who are not so; and shall have
+fathers whom they will never discover.”
+
+He would have departed, after explaining these two prophecies; but I
+stopped him, entreating him only to tell me the meaning of this last:—
+
+    “‘Before another year is born,
+    Many a goose quill shall be worn;
+    Many a quill the ether bear,
+    Many a man shall dance in air;
+    Men shall sorely rue the attack,
+    Of grey goose quill and Doctor Quack;
+    Merchants be in bankrupt plight,
+    Nobles turn to blackguards quite;
+    Province, city, town, and village,
+    Soon shall soldiers sack and pillage;
+    Lads and lasses soon shall try,
+    What darkness hides from every eye;
+    No more shall widows’ weeds endure;
+    The cloister virgins shall immure.’”
+
+“That signifies,” said Nostradamus, who was in haste to depart, “that one
+half of the world shall pillage the other; the people of justice shall
+rob by their pen; false witnesses will support themselves by hanging upon
+their skirts; the physicians will kill with physic, and be well paid for
+it; the merchants thrive by bankruptcy; nobles shall be ruined by their
+stewards; the soldiers will lay all under contribution; children shall
+rob one another; widows contract new nuptials, and to enjoy the portions
+of their daughters, make nuns of them.  Let go!”—and he hastily left me.
+
+I then perceived before me a good old man, of a very sad aspect, who
+demanded if I was dead?
+
+“No,” answered I; “living, and at your service.”
+
+“Good!” said he; “I expect a favour of you.  You must know, I am called
+_They_.  I also bear the appellation of _Somebody_, of _Another_, of a
+_certain Personage_, of _Author_, and of _I know who_.  While I lived in
+the world, I was accused of having said and done every thing which could
+not be traced: if a false report was circulated, it was _they_ who had
+broached it: if any one was found assassinated in the high way, it was
+_they_ who had killed him: if there was a man with a bad face, this was
+_somebody_: if it was imprudent to name a person in an affair, they
+called him _a certain person_: if a writer advanced bold things, this was
+an _author_, who had spoken on the first impression: and, finally, when
+the author was entirely concealed, it was _I know who_, that had said or
+acted thus and so.  All this time I neither said nor did any thing; I
+appeared no where; I knew not what passed, and kept house both day and
+night; the chagrin of seeing myself in so bad repute, fairly put an end
+to my existence.  I demand, therefore, of you, to vindicate me to your
+friends, and those persons over whom you have any influence, that they
+may not in future charge me with any thing; for, since I am dead, I can
+of course have nothing more to do with the world.”
+
+I promised the old gentleman I would remember what he desired, and he
+retired contented.  At this moment a young woman coming up to me, fell
+upon my neck, exclaiming,
+
+“My dear Æneas, have you at length arrived!  I have for a long time
+wished to see you.  Virgil hath spoken very illy of you: he has published
+a history of our loves, which we knew nothing of: I have sought you among
+all the dead, without being able to find you; but I know, from your air,
+that you are Æneas; for, as you have been the greatest and most
+illustrious of heroes, so here you surpass all the dead in demeanour and
+beauty.”
+
+As the surprise I felt at this unmerited compliment prevented answer, she
+continued to speak, and embraced me so vehemently, that I was compelled
+to cry out.
+
+“Peace, there!” commanded the officer of the chamber, who was called
+_Silence_.
+
+I still continued to bawl out; and said to Madame Dido, “O Queen of
+Carthage! will you not be undeceived?  I am Don Francisco de Quevedo de
+Villegas, Chevalier of the order of Saint James!”
+
+“Behold!” replied the queen, “behold this drunkard, who, being a Trojan,
+would fain pass himself off for a Spaniard!  Go, pious Æneas; Virgil hath
+done thee no great wrong in describing thee as thou art.  Where is thy
+Palladium? thy nurse? thy son Ascanias? where are thy companions? why are
+you here without attendants?”
+
+“Be not disquieted,” said I: “address yourself to Charon; he would know
+you as well as Æneas, who abandoned you in Africa; that was a meet
+punishment for your prudery: but you have not yet been able to forget a
+man, who surrendered his native city to the Greeks, and fled from his
+ruined country.  You are a victim of love!”
+
+“And you,” said she, retiring, “are very credulous!”
+
+The officer again commanded silence, and before I had time to add any
+thing more, I saw approaching a dead person of great size, with horns
+upon his head, and who ran towards me as though he was going to strike
+with them.  I stretched out my arms to defend myself, and perceiving near
+me a large fork, that supported the tapestry, I took it in my hand, and
+firmly awaited his onset.
+
+“Do you recognize,” said he, “Don Diego Moreno, whom you have called in
+your poems Signor Cornuto?”
+
+“Yes,” replied I; “and to convince you, that I neither fear you, living
+nor dead, take in advance a blow with this fork;” and at that endeavoured
+to run him through, but his bones were too hard.  Moreno then gave me a
+blow with his head, and casting himself upon me, threw me down: I stuck
+to his sides, inserting my fingers into the openings beneath the sternum,
+and as he arose, came up with him.  This noise causing considerable
+confusion in the assembly, I saw coming upon me, a great number of the
+dead, armed in the same manner with Moreno; and as they pressed upon one
+another, each anxious to pass his neighbour, their bones made a very
+curious clicking.  In the mean time, others marshalled themselves in
+front, to protect me from their assault.
+
+During these transactions, Death sat upon her throne in silence,
+attentive only to the inscription of her subjects names; and as the
+secretaries happened to finish at a moment when there was a slight
+cessation in our tumult, the officer cried—
+
+“Peace—listen!”
+
+I seized this occasion to demand justice of the queen.
+
+“I supplicate your sovereign majesty,” said I, “to do me justice on Diego
+Moreno, who has insulted me in this palace; striking me with his horns,
+knocking me down, and exciting against me the whole host of cuckolds.”
+
+“What defence do you make to this accusation, Moreno?” asked the queen.
+
+“Mighty and wan princess,” replied he, “behold the man who caused me to
+pass in the world as a Vulcan, or a faun: I have always lived pleasantly
+with my wife, never objecting to the French method, of receiving at her
+house priests, soldiers, lawyers, politicians, merchants, and strangers
+of every country.  As the house had a great deal of good company, where
+nothing was wanting, although my wife was no expense to me, I found it
+very convenient; and because I profited by the follies of others, because
+I made that a part of my revenue, because I took advantage of my wife’s
+friends, to amass an estate for my children, the chevalier Quevedo
+derided me, rendering me ridiculous by his poems, and representing me as
+the prince of accommodating husbands; he called me a ram, and made me one
+of the signs of the zodiac: not content with that, he even comes hither,
+and strikes me with a fork.  I demand that he should be retained here,
+and that he be put in a situation during his slumbers, that will
+effectually prevent his waking.”
+
+“Which of the two began the affray?” said Death.
+
+“It was I,” answered Moreno.
+
+“_We ordain_ then, that the name and memory of Moreno shall never be
+forgotten in Spain; that his grave shall be opened, and his compatriots,
+if any yet exist, shall make a pilgrimage, to render homage to his
+ashes.”
+
+After that, they called over the names of the dead; and as they were
+called, they answered _adsum_, “I am here.”  Hearing my own name
+pronounced, which was also that of my uncle and god-father, I answered,
+as the others, _adsum_; at which mistake Moreno taking advantage to laugh
+at me, I hit him a heavy blow with my fist upon his head; but I hurt
+myself more than him, for I almost broke my fingers.  Moreno cast himself
+upon me; I stood firm, and thus we were again engaged in a new combat.
+They endeavoured to separate us, but I had entangled my hands in such a
+manner, in the bones of his arms, that I could not withdraw them; and as
+they pulled me on one side, and him on the other, it gave me such
+exquisite pain, that I awoke, happy and thankful to find myself in my
+bed.  I reviewed in my mind all I had seen and heard, and which is here
+reported.
+
+This vision made such a forcible impression upon my imagination, that I
+yet seem to behold the palace of death, the audience of the dead, and
+Moreno pouncing upon me: finally, I made many reflections upon what I had
+seen.  It is but too true, that all mankind must die; that we are
+surrounded with constant peril; that there is but one thing that can
+insure a tranquil death, and that is, a blameless life.  But to live
+well, one must often think of death.  I believe the dream I have just
+rehearsed, was inspired by heaven; for otherwise I should hardly have
+thought upon my latter end, not even when my life was peculiarly exposed
+amidst wars and battle.  At present, I reflect without ceasing; I have
+totally abandoned trifling and poetry, which are synonymous; and, thanks
+to God, have more satisfaction in reading books of devotion, than
+romances and histories.
+
+
+
+
+THIRD NIGHT.
+THE LAST JUDGMENT.
+
+
+I have read in Homer, that dreams come from Jupiter; and that this cannot
+be doubted, especially when they regard things of importance.  I verily
+believe those of kings and princes proceed from on high: but I will
+substitute the true God in place of Jupiter, who is but a fabulous
+divinity.  The vision I had last year, could not have been derived from
+any other than a heavenly source.  Behold the events that passed: I was
+reading the book of the blessed Hypolitus, which treats of the end of the
+world, and of the coming of God, to judge the quick and the dead, the
+just and the unjust.  I fell asleep over this book, sitting in a large
+easy chair.  All at once, I thought I saw a noble young man, of
+extraordinary beauty, flying through the air, having at his mouth a
+trumpet, that sounded far and wide.  When he had made five or six great
+circuits, I perceived soldiers starting from their graves, full of
+courageous animation, thinking they heard the signal of battle.  Upon the
+other hand, the misers started up, in terror, lest thieves had come to
+rob.  The courtiers imagined that they enjoyed the agitations of the
+ring, or of a carousal.  No one had the least idea that it announced the
+last judgment.  I was strongly tempted to laugh at seeing the maimed, the
+one-eyed, the blind, seeking the one their arms or legs, and the other
+their eyes.  I was equally amused, to perceive the clerks unwilling to
+resume their heads, the slanderers their tongues, and the old women their
+throats.
+
+After all these had come forth, and arrived in an immense and smooth
+valley, very proper for so grand a spectacle, I saw appear people of
+every art and trade; likewise the men of letters, among whose ranks there
+appeared a very considerable embarrassment.  Each community placed itself
+separately; each religion had also its sectaries apart: such as
+Christians, Jews, Mahometans, Pagans, Heretics, and Schismatics.  All the
+people being classed and placed, a judge presented himself, accompanied
+by twelve counsellors, who seated themselves near his throne; beneath
+them were the prophets, in the capacity of advocates.  Immediately a loud
+flourish of trumpets was heard, as if an army of cavalry approached, and
+legions of shining angels appeared, who poised themselves with their
+wings, above those men to whom they had been guardians.  That done, the
+archangel Michael, came and placed himself at the foot of the throne,
+upon which the judge was seated, having in his hand a naked sword, and
+beneath his feet a prostrate devil, as he is represented in churches, and
+called the auditors each by his name.
+
+Adam answered first; he was accused by his demon, with having eaten an
+apple, contrary to the commands of his God; with having neglected the
+gifts he had received at his creation; with having cast the blame upon
+his wife; with having had a bad son, and of other faults which I do not
+distinctly remember.  But I very well recollect, that these reproaches
+produced such confusion in him, that he could answer nothing: his good
+angel answered for him; he confessed the matters of which his party was
+accused; he set forth the excess and duration of his penitence; the
+agonies he had suffered from the decree that involved his posterity, the
+goods which God had seen born of his sin; in fine, he pleaded with such
+ability, that his client was acquitted.
+
+When they called Judas, Herod, and Pilate, their crimes were so glaring,
+that they could neither defend themselves, nor would any angel speak in
+their favour; and they were accordingly condemned.  After them, were
+examined the most noted heretics, and neither could they obtain pardon.
+
+Presently there appeared a number of pagan philosophers, among whom, I
+distinguished the seven sages of Greece, with Plato, Zeno, Socrates,
+Aristotle, and others: there were also Mercury, Trismegistus, an
+Egyptian, Sanconianthon, a Phenician, and Confucius, a Chinese.  The
+majority of these avowed, that they had adored no other than the true
+God.  The judge demanded, if they had given him all the glory, and
+rendered to him all the honour that was his due.  They answered nothing,
+and were not exculpated.
+
+The corps of artists next presented themselves: some of them were
+justified, but by far the greatest part were condemned for larcenies,
+frauds, surprises, and infidelities.
+
+The men of letters then had their turn: many of them were charged with
+having taught and written contrary to their real opinions.  The poets
+made every one laugh, on asserting, that when they spoke of Jupiter, of
+gods and goddesses, they meant the true God, saints, and saintesses: that
+they had never seriously deified the king of Candia, nor the first king
+of Egypt, nor the queens of Cyprus and Sicily; that if these people had
+become idolaters, they ought to take the blame upon themselves.  Virgil
+in particular, was examined very minutely upon that passage of his poems,
+where he invokes the Sicilian muses: he pretended to have spoken of the
+birth of the Messiah; but he was answered that he must then have been in
+the soul of the Son of Pollio.  Orpheus was accused by the ladies of
+Thrace, because he had taught men a love that did not concern them.
+
+The clerks, lawyers, and constables, applied to Saint _Ives de Chartres_,
+to plead their cause; but he refused, saying, he had never been a robber,
+but had always pursued the cause of truth and justice, and that they had
+not acted in that manner.  The devils also accusing them of having often
+been corrupted by presents, and the solicitations of women; few among
+them escaped.
+
+After these, the physicians, surgeons, and apothecaries, were brought
+forward: they justified themselves by the authority of Hippocrates,
+Galen, and Paracelsus; but those whom they summoned, mocked at them, and
+their allegations.  “And who are they,” demanded those eminent
+physicians, “who have cited us, and presume to shelter themselves behind
+our example?”  The unhappy accused then sought the assistance of their
+two saints, _Come_ and _Damiens_; but they refused to defend homicides,
+and judgment of condemnation was accordingly pronounced.
+
+As it is out of my power to follow all the judgments in their order, I
+shall report only those that appeared most worthy of note.  A fencing
+master, being unwilling to approach the bar, an angel extended his arm to
+seize him; but the master, throwing himself into an attitude, made a
+fanciful push towards the angel, telling him at the same time, that from
+such a thrust with the small sword, he would have received a mortal
+wound; that all those who had taken lessons of him, never failed to kill
+their man, and that he himself had always been victorious, till he met
+with his physician.  At last, constrained by force, he was brought
+forward and convicted of all the homicides committed by his scholars,
+who, confident in their skill, had often sought quarrels, for the purpose
+of putting their theory in practice.  For these offences it was decreed
+that he should go into hell in a perpendicular line.  “Zounds,” said the
+master, “I will go as I may, but not in a perpendicular line; I am not a
+mathematician.”  “How,” said the angel, “do you wish to go?”  “In making
+leaps backward before the mouth of hell.”  “Not quite so much subtlety,”
+said the devil; “I will make you obedient;” and he carried him into the
+abyss, that was at the extremity of the valley.
+
+This man gave place to a great astrologer, whom his angel endeavoured to
+bring before the tribunal: he was loaded with almanacs, globes, spheres,
+astrolabes, compasses, quadrants, rules, and papers, filled with
+astronomical calculations.  “You are mistaken,” said he to the angel;
+“the last judgment has not yet arrived, because the constellation of
+Saturn, and that of fear, have not yet finished their courses; it ought
+not to arrive in less than twenty-four thousand years; for God hath not
+created the universe and the celestial globes, not to permit them to
+finish their journeys; and there is yet no appearance of an union of the
+sun and stars, to set fire to the world, as must necessarily happen at
+the last day.  I appeal, then, in advance, against all other judgments.”
+“March,” said the devil, “or I shall carry you.”  “Carry me,” said the
+astronomer, “into the kingdom of the moon; I will reward you well; I am
+curious to see those beautiful countries, we discover with our
+telescopes; the countries of Galileo, of Copernicus, of Tycho Brahe, and
+other celebrated astronomers, who are gone to dwell in the moon, and who
+have bestowed their names upon those regions they inhabit.”  The
+discourse of this fool, did not prevent an accusation before the judge,
+of irreligion, superstition, and other vices which he could not dispute.
+
+I then saw an operator, who, imagining himself to be in a proper place
+for vending his drugs, praised the properties of his orrietan, and the
+virtues of his counter-poisons.  When he came before his judges, he was
+desirous of trying some experiments, and demanded if he should use
+realgal, arsenic, or the blood of toads and spiders.  The devil, who
+stood at his side, asked him if he had any fire ointment.  “How,” said
+he, “are you in want?”  “It is yourself that will soon need it,” answered
+the devil; “because you have cheated so many people with your lies and
+knaveries.”  He was confounded at this discourse, and was led away to
+hell.
+
+When they were close by, he said to the devil, “I perceive the jest; you
+keep here the feast of Peter; I am not so much alarmed as you think: let
+us go, let us go,” said he, entering into hell, “let us go and see Don
+Peter.”
+
+There then came a troop of tailors, the chief one of whom diverted me
+much: he had a pair of scissors in his hand, and a long slip of
+parchment, with which he took measure for garments.  Perceiving me, he
+stepped up and proposed to make me a coat in the French fashion: I
+assured him that I had no need of such a garment; but he ran round me,
+insisting upon taking my measure.  I observed that it was then no time to
+transact such business; that he was before his judge, and had better
+invoke his guardian angel: but the angel advised him to plead his own
+cause, as he could not conscientiously defend a case so obvious.
+“Signor,” answered the tailor, “I engage to give you a suit every year,
+gratis; for it is doubtless for lack of tailors, that you angels go
+always naked.”  “Without dispute;” replied the angel, “for there is not a
+single tailor in heaven.”  “Very well,” resumed the tailor; “I go then in
+person, to defend myself and brethren.  We have never stolen more stuff
+than we could put into our eyes; we threw the useless pieces into the
+street; we have always measured the trimmings of gold and silver, after
+finishing the suit, and took no more than was absolutely necessary.  As
+to the rest, our trade is one inculcating mercy; to clothe the naked, and
+furnish a defence from the cold; meritoriously following the gospel
+precept: thus have we acted, besides suffering patiently the prejudice
+the embroiderers have done us in making the habits of the church.  I
+demand that Saint Martin, archbishop of Tours, who gave the moiety of his
+mantle to a poor beggar, should be heard in our behalf.”  “Saint Martin,”
+said one of the angels, “hath never been the protector of tailors; and so
+far would he be from defending you, that he would condemn you.”  “Ah!
+well,” said the tailor, “oblige us by being yourself our interlocutor.”
+“I consent,” replied he, “and will quickly expose the tricks of your
+trade: the tailors have in their shops a private drawer, which they call
+_the eye_; and it is there they deposit what they steal.  The under part
+of their table and its immediate neighbourhood, they call the _street_;
+and here they cast the superfluous stuffs: so when this master cheat
+asserted, he had never stolen more than might have been contained in his
+eye, or that he threw into the street the waste pieces of cloth, or
+stuff, it was equivalent to saying, that, he had never taken more than
+might be put into his drawer, or beneath his table.  As to the trimmings
+of gold and silver, it is true, they are measured upon the garment, but
+then it is found after the chain of binding is cut, that it stretches
+very easily.  When he said that his trade was merciful and charitable, he
+spoke the truth, if these are the attributes of thieves: but I demand,
+if, without pillaging cloth, they could ornament chambers with rich
+tapestry, build fine houses, give portions to their daughters, bear the
+extravagancies of their children, give sumptuous entertainments, and
+enjoy all the luxuries of life?”  “No, no,” simultaneously exclaimed the
+whole assembly.  The corps of tailors was accordingly condemned, and they
+were precipitated into the abyss.
+
+When all the judgments had been pronounced, the judge, his counsellors,
+the angels, and the elect, launched forth into the air, and ascended to
+heaven, amid an harmonious concert of trumpets, and other instruments.
+Those who remained in the valley, and had not been sent to hell, were in
+despair, because they were not able to follow the array of the blessed.
+When the celestial throng had wholly disappeared, a most horrid tumult
+ensued: the planets fell from their orbits, the mountains came together
+with dreadful washings, the earth gaped, and all who remained fell into
+the abyss, uttering such piercing shrieks that I was seized with terror.
+I awoke, and felt the most lively pleasure to find myself out of danger.
+I reflected afterwards upon the multitude of the guilty, and the small
+number adjudged innocent.  Oh, how necessary it is, that all the living
+should experience a similar vision, that they might be witnesses of the
+disorder, of the despair, and torments of the damned.  It would suffice
+also to exemplify the piteous confusion, which can neither be expressed
+nor comprehended, that will not fail to happen at the last day.  I am not
+now surprised that the Israelites, at the foot of Mount Sinai, could not
+endure the noise of the thunder that resounded from its summit.
+
+
+
+
+FOURTH NIGHT.
+THE COUNTRY AND THE PALACE OF LOVE.
+
+
+ON the fourth day of January, I had passed the evening in the company of
+some beautiful and amiable young ladies.  Contrary to my usual custom of
+retiring at an early hour, I sat up late, amusing myself and trifling
+with these ladies, which brought to my imagination, during sleep, the
+most delightful images.  I fancied I heard a voice, which recited these
+verses, borrowed by Virgil from Theocritus:
+
+    “What phrensy, shepherd has thy soul possess’d?
+    Thy vineyard lies half prun’d, and half undress’d,
+    Quench, Corydon, thy long unanswered fire;
+    Mind what the common wants of life require.
+    On willow twigs employ thy weaving care;
+    And find an easier love, though not so fair.”
+
+I am ignorant by what paths I was conducted, but I suddenly found myself
+in a most delightful country, such as the poets are wont to describe the
+isle of Cyprus and the gardens of Love; it was bordered by two little
+rivers, one of which was sweet, and the other bitter water.  These
+waters, conducted by a subterranean canal, united in a great basin of
+white marble, placed in the middle of a garden.  After I had promenaded a
+little, to admire the beauty of the trees, and respire the perfume of the
+flowers, I entered into a long and magnificent walk, planted with citrons
+and oranges: upon each side were arbours, adorned interiorly with
+paintings and sculpture, and surrounded without by jessamines, laurels,
+honeysuckles, and other shrubs.  At the extremity of this walk, there
+appeared, in perspective, a large and superb edifice, which was called
+the _Palace of Love_.  The porticoes were of the Doric order: upon the
+pedestals, the bases, the columns, the cornices, the friezes, the
+architraves, and the chapters, were, in half relief, little cupids, who
+disported themselves in all sorts of gambols.  There was written upon the
+gate in letters of gold upon a black ground, this inscription:—
+
+    ‘Behold the palace of the happy,
+    The abode of lovers.’
+
+The custody of the gate was committed to a woman of a nymph like
+appearance: her name was Beauty.  She was tall and well proportioned: her
+features were regular, and her whole appearance so seducing, that her
+name seemed to answer her description exactly.  Her garments were
+magnificent, but their transparency permitted the sight of charms that
+eclipsed the light.  The whiteness of the snow would have yielded to the
+whiteness of her bosom: in a word, she had about her that, I know not
+what, of enchantment, which no pencil could delineate, or language
+describe.  She made me so gracious a salutation, that I was emboldened to
+request of her a conductor, to show me the apartments of the palace.
+
+“Address yourself,” said she, “to the Introducer; he is lodged in this
+wing,” motioning me with her right hand to the left side of the edifice.
+
+I thanked her, and went in quest of the Introducer, who was at the same
+time the Inspector of this smiling country.  I perceived in him an old
+man with a long beard.  He received me with great civility; and having
+signified to him my desire, he told me that he would himself conduct me
+to the foot of the throne of the Queen.  He girded upon his thigh instead
+of a sword, along sharp scythe.  He took for a cravat, an hour-glass with
+golden sand; and for a hat, a bonnet of mercury with wings.  To do me
+honour, he preceded me.  We entered immediately into the apartment of the
+girls, which was separate from that of the women who have arrived at
+maturity.  In perambulating these chambers, I saw all these girls
+singularly occupied: there were some who wept with jealousy against the
+widows; others were filled with inquietudes, not daring to avow the love
+with which the other sex had inspired them.  “My lover,” said one, “is
+extremely cold; he is too timid; O that the same privilege of declaring
+our inclinations was permitted to us, as to the other sex!  I would speak
+a language to him, which he should respond.”
+
+Some of them read or wrote letters; they used a great deal of paper in
+that business; for in order to say that they would not, they destroyed,
+recommenced, destroyed again, and recomposed the same lines; they desired
+that their words should have a double meaning, and that their lovers
+should understand that, which they had no intention of making them
+comprehend.  Others, placed before their mirrors, studied their gestures,
+giving expression to their features, endeavouring to put grace into their
+smile, and gaiety into their laugh.  Certain of them, plucked the hair
+from the chin and eye-brows; others applied plaster to their faces; many
+of them, to cause paleness and a more interesting appearance in the eyes
+of their lovers, ate plaster, jet, charcoal, and Spanish wax, contrary to
+the custom of the French, who diligently avoid those substances that can
+give them a yellow appearance, as saffron, pepper, salt, and every thing
+provocative.
+
+From this apartment, I passed into that of the married women.  Some of
+them grieved at the jealousy of their husbands, and others at the avarice
+of theirs.  There were those who caressed their spouses, that they might
+the more easily deceive them: there were others who concealed money from
+their knowledge, to purchase finery, or make presents to their gallants:
+there were others who made vows, and projected pilgrimages, to the end
+that they might enjoy the company of those whom they could not otherwise
+see: and others, who spoke continually of the sweetness, of the handsome
+mein, and good proportions of their confessors.  Some there were, who
+said that there could be no pleasure more consummate, than in revenging
+ones self upon ones husband; some, also, that the most insupportable
+torment to a married woman, was to be obliged to answer the caresses of a
+husband whom she did not love: many, that the pleasantest hour was that
+passed at the play with a gallant.  There were those too among them, who
+had taken their waiting maids into confidence, and strove to engage them
+in their interests by every indulgence.
+
+Contiguous to this place, was a spacious pavilion where we found the
+widows.  Some of this class affected austerity and modesty; but others
+gave themselves up to all sorts of folly.  Many were exceedingly joyous,
+although they were in mourning: many were sad, because black did not
+become them; many, on the contrary, judged that crape was their chiefest
+ornament, and that it served best to exhibit the brilliant whiteness of
+their complexion.  The old widows wished to imitate the young, while
+these sought to improve their time to the best advantage.  Those who
+exhibited the most lassitude, were generally young widows, who waited
+with impatience for the year of mourning to expire; but others spent
+their time cursing the memory of their husbands, who had prohibited
+second nuptials.
+
+I was soon weary of my visit to this apartment; folly and libertinism
+were not to my taste.  My conductor perceiving it, took me by the arm,
+and said that he would show me the amorous devotees.
+
+“Yet, for all that,” said I, “love and devotion can hardly agree;
+however, let us see all.”
+
+“Oh, ho,” said Time; “yes, true devotion; but know that it is as rare to
+see true devotees, as women without love: these same true devotees have
+at least those with whom they are not much upon their guard, and when
+they are not observed, cannot resist the seductions of a handsome and
+assiduous cavalier: in default of that they take their confessor.”
+
+Thus conversing, we entered into the apartment of the devotees.  Almost
+all prayed to God, either for the health or the return of a lover: many
+to be soon married, or to be always handsome, or for death to rid them of
+a rival.  Some of these women performed their devotions while waiting for
+their gallants.
+
+As the character of these women had in it nothing agreeable to me, I
+besought my conductor to lead me to the abodes of the men; the more,
+because I would hear from thence a concert of instruments; he showed me
+the entrance into their quarter.  I found in the first hall, a great
+number of fiddlers and pipers, who concerted a serenade for the following
+night.  In the second, I saw men who made their toilets, and arrayed
+themselves in new garments, of the favourite colours of their mistresses.
+In the third, were those who prepared to send presents to their fair
+friends.  In the fourth, were lovers who put themselves in attitudes to
+fight in duel with their rivals.  In the fifth, they read novels, or made
+extracts from them.  In the sixth, were the old fellows who were mad for
+love.  In the seventh, were young men sick, and who dared not disclose
+the causes of their indisposition.  In the eighth, married men did that
+for their mistresses, which the wives did for their gallants.  In the
+ninth, widowers imitated the actions of the widows.  In the tenth, in
+fine, the gentlemen of the church showed themselves more amorous than the
+men of the world, because they are addicted to less general dissipation,
+and have fewer opportunities for the gratification of their inclinations.
+
+As I came out of this place, I heard a clock striking with a heavy sound,
+and reverberating throughout the palace.  “What is that?” said I to
+Opportunity.
+
+“That,” said he, “marks the hour for private conversation and
+appointments; enter into this large hall; you shall soon see a great deal
+of the world: wait for me, until I shall return to conduct you out of the
+palace, for otherwise you will not be able to find your way.”
+
+I went into the hall, in which were a great number of seats.  The
+magnificence of the tapestry, which represented the fabulous
+metamorphoses, corresponded with the style of the edifice: at the
+extremity was a throne of ivory, silver, and gold, under a canopy
+enriched with pearls and precious stones.  When the persons of both sexes
+had entered and sat, a woman of a strange figure, and clad in a very
+whimsical manner, placed herself upon the throne; they called her
+Passion.  Another woman, whom they called Folly, sat near her, and spake
+as if she was the queen’s chancellor.  Forthwith this princess began to
+set forth the advantages that had been gained over the empire of Reason,
+who had been for a long time her enemy.  While she was speaking, a
+stately dame named Jealousy, promenaded through every part of the hall:
+she inspired some with fear, and made others laugh; at length she came
+near me, and said—
+
+“It is not without some purpose, you are here and separate from the rest;
+perhaps you are more fortunate.”
+
+I answered, that “I found myself there without any particular
+design.”—“Excellent,” replied she, retiring; and from time to time she
+revisited the place where I was, to see if some girl did not come to join
+me.  As I divined her thoughts, I strove to give her uneasiness; I
+affected to exhibit the same myself; I looked anxiously from one side to
+the other, as if I had expected some one.  I remarked this woman made the
+same motions.
+
+When the queen had finished her discourse, many persons presented
+petitions, which were all forthwith granted.  After that, the princess
+announced to all her votaries, that she granted them the propitious
+moment, and retired.  Immediately each one presented his hand to his
+partner, and hastened from the hall.  Some went into chambers, and others
+walked about.  There was no one but Jealousy remaining in the chamber
+where I was; she promenaded about the hall, murmuring:—
+
+“I shall see,” said she: “I will watch; I will discover: I will hinder: I
+will talk: I shall not be inactive.  Ah, good,” cried she to me with
+vivacity; “what do you do here? depart, I wish to close the gate.”
+
+As I expected my guide, I was not willing to go out, lest I might lose
+myself in this vast edifice.  “I wish to wait here for Opportunity,” said
+I, “who ordered me to remain in this hall, till he should come to rejoin
+me.”
+
+“Reckon not,” replied she, “upon this old dotard; he will not return; he
+is gone upon the stream, with the others: believe me; quit this place:”
+and thus speaking, she took me by the shoulders, and thrust me out.
+
+I walked upon the garden terrace until I saw descend a silken ladder.  I
+immediately thought that this was an invitation made to me, and thinking
+of nothing but the novelty of the adventure, I ascended.  I entered by a
+window into a chamber, where I saw a man and a young girl sitting at
+table: they were both surprised at my presence, but especially the young
+cavalier, who remained immovable: presently recovering himself, and
+addressing himself to the lady:—
+
+“Ingrate, this is then the manner in which you betray me! you have then
+certainly two lovers, and perhaps fifty?”
+
+“Me, sir!” said she; “I swear to you I know not this gentleman; assuredly
+he has made a mistake, in taking my window for that of some other.”
+
+“Yes, yes, he is deceived, but it is in these two particulars; that, in
+the first place, he thought me gone; and secondly, in taking my ladder,
+for that you are accustomed to hang out for his accommodation; but he
+shall repent it.”
+
+Immediately drawing his sword, and taking his dagger in the other hand,
+he would have stabbed his mistress.  I also drew my sword, and put myself
+before the lady, to guard her from the blows of this madman: he dealt me
+several lunges, which I parried; I drove him to the window, and as he
+perceived himself hotly pressed, he sprang out, which gave me immense
+chagrin.  The lady had left the chamber; I sought her in vain, and the
+agitation of this circumstance awoke me.
+
+I leave it to the consideration of the reader, if this vision is not a
+faithful image of profane love: this is the beauty that seduces us; this
+is the time we improve; this is the passion which governs us; this is the
+jealousy which torments us; this is the hour of temptation: a rendezvous,
+a private conversation, a walk.  This is that violent motion which leads
+to crime.  I leave also to the reader, to make his own reflections upon
+the occupations of lovers, upon their desire of pleasure, upon their
+intrigues, upon their pains.  I am persuaded that no one can have an idea
+upon the subject, without disapproving of the wanderings of love.  It is
+not reason which rules in the palace I have traversed: for reason is an
+enemy whom they attack, whom they disarm, whom they put far from them,
+although she is but a kind friend, who never takes up arms but to succour
+us.
+
+
+
+
+FIFTH NIGHT.
+THE WORLD.
+
+
+IF a man of genius, or one only of ordinary discernment, could view the
+interior of the world, he would feel indignant at himself even for living
+with so much degradation; he could not prevent himself from pitying or
+despising those who are attached to it, and who allow themselves to be
+deceived by its seductions and artifices.  There is hardly a person who
+speaks as he thinks; one never sees the intention of the actor; honesty
+and knavery have often an air of resemblance; truth and hypocrisy appear
+like sisters of the same father; civility and curiosity assume the same
+colours; friendship and interest are with difficulty distinguished.
+
+These reflections occurred to me while walking in my garden; I entered
+into a summer house, favourable for meditation, and inclined to slumber
+by the coolness of the shade, and the murmur of a neighbouring rill, fell
+asleep.  During my repose, I fancied myself in the midst of a great city,
+called Hypocrisy.  They informed me that it was the capital of the
+internal world, and bore the same relation to it, that Rome did to the
+external world, in the time of the emperors.  It was here the king of the
+internal world usually resided; he was called _Self Love_; and although
+he had this appellation, which is, for the most part, in rather bad
+odour, he was dear to his subjects, who made it their chiefest glory to
+imitate him, and had no other object than the honour of their sovereign.
+The two principal ministers of this king, were Interest and Ambition: the
+governor of the city was Pleasure.  The guards of his majesty were
+designated by the names of other human passions; the gentlemen of his
+court were lackeys, well accoutred; the farmers of the revenue called
+themselves _ministers of finance_: the lawyers, _counsellors of the
+king_: the thieves, _judges of police_: the grooms of the stable,
+_equeries of the king_: the mountebanks, _physicians_: the bankers,
+_masters of accounts_: the clerks of the church, _abbots_: the clerks of
+the palace, _secretaries_: the students, _doctors_.  There, tailors wear
+velvet and gold lace; coblers are cordwainers to the king; gaming houses,
+academies: discreditable places, houses of good society: pimps,
+convenient people: coquettes, ladies of honour: women of pleasure,
+devotees: black girls, handsome brunettes: in fine, coquetry is
+friendship: usury, economy: deceit, wisdom, or prudence: malice, wit:
+cowardice, equanimity of temper: temerity, valour: parasites are amiable
+people: slanderers, free people: and in like manner of others; for in
+this country we perceive every thing to be contrary to that we see in the
+external world.
+
+As I promenaded the streets of this city, I met an old man, who inquired
+of me if I was a stranger.
+
+“Yes, I am,” said I.
+
+“That is very apparent, from the surprise you testify at the novelties of
+this city; but if you choose, I will show you things that will astonish
+you much more: come into my house.”
+
+Having accepted this courteous invitation, he preceded me without
+ceremony, observing, that this was the custom in France.
+
+“Oh, signor,” said I, “it is no more than justice, that you should be
+free in your own house; and I know that it is the French humour, not to
+accord precedence upon such occasions: because he who first enters,
+escapes closing the gate upon the inside.”
+
+We found in the chamber of this old man, two young friars, preparing to
+go abroad.  They assured us, they could not remain any longer, because
+their superior had ordered them to be present at a funeral procession, to
+get their wax taper, and customary gratuity.
+
+“What admirable charity in these people,” said I, “who go to a funeral,
+not to pray, but to gain.”
+
+Soon after, hearing a chanting, we looked from the window to learn the
+cause.  We saw a funeral procession, in which were arranged many priests
+and religious, with a long file of relations.  It was a woman whom they
+carried to the grave; the husband was almost mad; and I said to my old
+friend, “My God! this man is extremely afflicted!”
+
+“Do you believe that?” answered he: “listen to what he says, when he
+arrives opposite.”
+
+In fact, when he came near the house, I heard him say, “I am not so very
+unhappy after all! she has wasted the half of my fortune: she has been
+sick in bed at my expense these last six months; and her obsequies will
+cost me a thousand crowns!  Ah, Lord!” cried he in a loud voice, “why is
+she dead? and why did you not take me first? or rather, good Lord, why
+did you not take her before she had dissipated my money?”  At length,
+reverting to a more pleasant theme, “I must,” said he, “marry Lucilla:
+she having been a serving girl, will not be fond of ostentation; she
+knows nothing about luxuries, since she cannot even read.  To be sure,
+being young and inexperienced, she made a misstep; but the remembrance of
+her fault will make her wary.  Of the two maids my wife kept, I shall
+discharge one; so in three or four years I shall save the expense of this
+burial.”  “I gain by this chance,” said a relation of the deceased, who
+came next: “I gain ten thousand crowns, because she died intestate.”
+“This pest of a woman,” said a maid servant who followed, “never failed
+to take advantage of every opportunity, and yet entertained an extreme
+jealousy of my master and me.”
+
+“Zounds!” said I to the old man, “these people are very sincere!”
+
+“The things you see here,” observed he, “are those which are concealed in
+the external world; but if now, you have any curiosity to know with what
+occupations widows beguile the time, after the death of their husbands,
+step with me a couple of paces and you shall see.”
+
+I directly consented; the object appearing well worth the trouble.  There
+was at the distance of three or four doors from this chamber a grand
+apartment, the entrance of which was hung with black, and the stair-case
+covered with the same material.  We went in, and after traversing a long
+hall, garnished in the same manner, entered into a little room, the
+tapestry of which was black velvet; the bed of beautiful red damask,
+covered with black crape, with silver fringe.  In it reposed a young lady
+of the most conspicuous loveliness, one of the fairest I have ever
+beheld.  I offered her my condolences upon the death of her husband, whom
+my old friend had informed me was a gentleman of the sword, and a loyal
+subject of the king—_Self-love_.  She answered, smiling in the most
+affable manner, that she was highly sensible of my politeness, and that
+she felt very happy that the death of her husband had procured her the
+pleasure of my acquaintance.
+
+“Oh!” exclaimed I, to myself, “what affliction! but let us examine a
+little farther.”
+
+I approached the bed, and sat down upon a sofa near by: we conversed upon
+many things indifferently, and at length came upon the adventures of
+young widows.  At this period of the conversation, raising herself up to
+take her handkerchief, she exposed to my view, with a beautiful shoulder,
+a neck fairer than moonlight.  Just as this sight had inspired me with
+love, I heard a man snore, who was upon the other side of the bed.  She
+drew the curtain, and gave the gallant a slight cuff, saying, “you are
+very impertinent to sleep thus near a lady in bed.”  The other awaking,
+was going to revenge himself upon the lady for her slight buffet.
+
+“No, no,” said I, “do not; I should rather be punished myself.”
+
+Both of them then began to turn their raillery upon me.  Perceiving this,
+I left the chamber, beckoning the old man to follow.  I was greatly
+scandalized at such conduct, and my companion did nothing but laugh.
+What people you have here! amiable widows!
+
+Some hours afterwards, I accidentally met in the street, the beau whom I
+parted with at the widow’s.
+
+“It is thus,” said this man, accosting me, “that widows console
+themselves, and redeem the time they may have lost with a cross, jealous,
+or avaricious husband.”
+
+“You understand these matters well,” answered I; “and madam will soon
+forget her loss.”
+
+Conferring thus together, we became familiar: he was anxious to learn my
+name, and told me his own, which was Joy.
+
+“I am not astonished,” said I, “the beauty listened to you.  A quarter of
+an hour spent in your society, will abundantly recompense her for the sad
+and weary years passed with a jealous spouse.”
+
+When the old man saw us thus pleased with each other, he said he would
+leave me in the company of this honest person, and that he should expect
+me at his house to supper, after the play, to which we had determined to
+go.
+
+At the theatre we saw comedies about equivalent to our tragedies; and, in
+fact, of so close a resemblance, that one might almost fancy them the
+same.  The story of the one I saw was this:—Two young persons met at the
+house of a mutual friend, to concert measures to gain the consent of
+their parents to their marriage: their degree was not equal; the girl was
+nobly born, and an heiress; the young man poor, and the son of a
+merchant.  They both promised to put in requisition every possible method
+that could be devised, to vanquish the opposition of the old folks upon
+whom they depended.  The young man said he would make himself an
+advocate, and afterwards a counsellor in parliament; the expence of which
+he could easily defray in one year after his marriage, with the help of
+his wife’s dowry.  The girl, on her part, promised not to refuse him any
+token of affection; and agreeable to their plan, she was to inform her
+mother, that she was pregnant by _Signor Virodeno_; for thus was her
+lover called.  In order to the furtherance of this design, they
+instigated their friend to pretend to betray them, and to apprise the
+parents of both parties of what was passing.  The parents hastened to the
+spot; the lovers came promptly from the chamber; they both heaped
+reproaches upon their daughter, and as the mother was about to strike
+her, she declared herself pregnant.  “Unhappy wretch,” exclaimed her
+mother, “you will always be a grief to me; you will bring dishonour upon
+the family: I will strangle you on the spot.”  “Stop,” said her husband,
+“you will only expose yourself to be hanged: we must think rather now to
+conceal this disgrace.”  “No, no,” said the mother; “let me stab her to
+death with this knife.”  She would have executed her resolution, had not
+her more discreet husband disarmed her, saying, “recollect yourself,
+madam; you were in the same situation when I married you; and if your
+mother had killed you, you would not to-day have made all this uproar.”
+But as she continued to give way to fresh paroxysms of indignation, her
+husband enforced his reasons with some wholesome correction.  He
+subsequently conferred with the parents of the lover, who promised to do
+every thing for the advancement of their son, in consideration of the
+rank of the young lady’s family, with whom they would not be at variance.
+The company then gave a loose to mirth; they found out the young couple
+were well matched; they busied themselves in preparations for the
+nuptials, and sent to apprise the young man, who had taken refuge at the
+house of the governor of the city.  He came, accompanied by the proper
+officers; the marriage was celebrated; nothing was wanting at the feast,
+and they parted on the best of terms.  All this scene was in such perfect
+keeping, that the young espoused were married at the house of the
+maternal father-in-law, who himself did the honours of friendship.  Thus
+they conclude marriages and other matters: so that there, one can see the
+minds of people, and the purpose of every man’s action.
+
+At the palace it is the same; every thing is laid open; the advocates
+plead not, but _pro honorario_; the solicitors think of nothing but
+prolonging the suits by those incidents they themselves devise; and the
+judges, for the purpose of enhancing their fees, deliver a hundred
+judgments, when one would answer.  As a specimen of their method, take
+the following decree:
+
+“Having taken into consideration the petition of Signor _Thief_,
+solicitor to the lord _Stupid_, the court do order, that the parties have
+day in court, for the space of four years, that the fees may absorb the
+sum of three hundred pounds, which must be expended in this suit.  Done
+at our court of the palace of _hypocrisy_, at the winter term of the
+current year.  _Pecunia_, President.”
+
+What I have related of the palace, is to exemplify the spirit that reigns
+in this city; the same influence governs the court, the army, the
+treasury, and the theatre.  There were in a box adjoining ours, at the
+latter place, two men, who discoursed concerning the sale of certain
+merchandize.  The seller said, “I wish you to give fifty thousand livres,
+for what cost me thirty; but I wish to make a thousand crowns profit.”
+The other was not willing to give more than a hundred pistoles.  At last
+they agreed upon the thousand crowns, upon condition that the seller, who
+was a steward, should give to the purchaser the titles to the rents of
+certain farms, without the knowledge of his lord, and upon which event
+the purchaser was also to give a feast.  After the play, I went to seek
+my old friend; upon meeting him, he informed me that the king,
+_Self-love_, was fallen ill; and that on account of his indisposition,
+the whole city prepared to testify their gratitude.
+
+“How,” said I, “can you think of diversions, when the father of the
+country lies sick?”
+
+“Yes,” said he, “it becomes us to rejoice; it would be hypocrisy to do
+otherwise, when we have a prospect of changing our master.”
+
+“In the world of which I am an inhabitant,” rejoined I, “we feel the most
+lively sorrow, if our prince falls sick; and our religion commands us to
+offer up prayers for his health.”
+
+“And we,” answered the good man, “are taught to rejoice; for we have no
+other policy than interest, and to which your religion is opposed.”
+
+“If Self-love should die,” said I, “you would perhaps be governed by a
+less popular king.  Pleasure, who aspires to the crown, Interest, nor
+either of the other princes of the blood, would exercise a dominion so
+happy and sweet.  These princes are naturally proud, cruel, and
+vindictive: in the place of which, Self-love is often, nay, almost always
+solicitous for the preservation of his subjects.”
+
+The conversation turned upon this topic, for some time.  The old man,
+contrary to the usual spirit of aged people, was desirous that Pleasure
+should succeed to the throne.  As for myself, I maintained that the
+nation would be less happy, under such a sway.  After our soup, he wanted
+to carry me to see the fireworks, and the ball the governor gave upon the
+occasion.  I refused to go; these things seeming to me very ridiculous,
+on account of the cause that elicited them.  The old man was much
+offended at my refusal; he told me that I was a sour, dissatisfied man,
+and an enemy to the general joy.  I replied, that he was an old fool, and
+that if he molested me any more, I would throw him out of the window, and
+put his family to the sword.
+
+At this moment we heard the cry of fire in the house; and the common
+danger caused us to forego our quarrel.  The uproar was caused by a
+servant girl, who, because her mistress refused, from some cause or
+other, to pay her wages, had set fire to the house, from motives of
+revenge.  They pretended to extinguish it in a very curious manner, which
+was, by throwing on light stuffs, soaked in oil.  I dreamt that a great
+sheet of flame suddenly enveloped me: I awoke on the instant, crying that
+I was in a house environed: and thinking the noise I heard came from the
+flame,—I cried, “_fire_!”  A servant that was seeking me in the garden,
+ran, upon hearing me, and told me that some one waited to see me.  When I
+had finished my business with this person, my dream caused me much
+reflection; the more I thought upon it, the closer seemed the resemblance
+to what is taking place in the world: in fact, it is _Self-love_ that
+reigns, and these are the passions that govern us; and whoever could see
+the heart and soul of men, would find them arrant hypocrites.  The world
+itself is the city of Hypocrisy.  It is in this city, that interest,
+ambition, pleasure, vengeance, anger, and all other evil passions conceal
+themselves.  The more I examine, the more clearly these truths
+appear:—That whosoever could disabuse himself for a single moment, would
+be so, for the remainder of his life: and he who really desires to know
+himself and the world, would learn from observation, more than he has an
+idea of.  The world is, of all things, the most difficult to understand,
+and that which one ought to know the best.  There is no person who
+distrusts himself; consequently, there is no one who realizes, that it is
+deceptive, filled with self-love, attached to its own interests, seeking
+its own gratifications, vain, unquiet, restless, presumptuous,
+vindictive, pure outwardly, criminal within, lovely and fair in
+appearance—deserving, at bottom, of hatred and contempt: and what is
+still more incomprehensible about this same world, is, there is hardly an
+individual who doth not love it; they lose by this love, and they know of
+a surety, that it is to this attachment they must attribute their losses:
+meanwhile, it pleases all: they seek after it; they wish to serve it;
+they abandon to it all which they hold most dear.  Some sacrifice to it
+their honour for pleasure; others their lives for glory; and some
+surrender their repose for the poor ambition of fortune.  But it was for
+us, the world was created; and that is really the victim one ought to
+sacrifice, to preserve his honour, to enjoy eternal pleasures, to acquire
+true glory, and amass treasures, that neither rust nor envy can
+spoil.—Think not, my dear reader, what I have here presented to you, a
+dream, a vision; it is more real than you imagine.
+
+
+
+
+SIXTH NIGHT.
+HELL.
+
+
+I had been, during the autumn, at the country house of one of my friends.
+In the parish where he resided, that had not seen its bishop for thirty
+years, there had recently been settled a new curate, a fluent preacher,
+and very much devoted to the instruction of his flock—reading every
+Sunday homilies and sermons, and the greater and lesser catechisms.  One
+day, I went to hear one of the familiar exhortations, which he usually
+gave to his people, concerning heaven and hell: he depicted the latter in
+such strong colours, that the whole audience were moved; and each
+whispered to himself, O frightful residence!  Full of these ideas myself,
+I returned to sup at my entertainer’s house.  After quitting the table, I
+extended myself on a couch; and my friend, seeing me soon overcome with a
+pleasant slumber, for we had fared sumptuously, left me, to enjoy himself
+the same refreshment.  During sleep, I dreamed that I was at the outlet
+of an extensive forest, from whence diverged two roads, the one smooth
+and broad, the other rough, covered with stones and ditches, thorns, and
+thick entangled bushes.  I pursued the first, in which I remarked many
+houses of pleasure, and multitudes of people, who travelled in carriages,
+on horseback, or on foot, at a moderate pace, without fatiguing
+themselves.  One might see there, persons of all ages, sexes, conditions,
+and estates; one might find there, shops, magazines, taverns,
+play-houses, and societies of women; in fine, people of every country and
+religion.  I was not surprised that many came from the narrow way into
+ours; but I was greatly so, at some who went from this fine road into the
+other, which caused me to inquire where it terminated: as to ours, I
+thought it led to Madrid.  Some one answered, that the little way
+conducted to Paradise; and the one where I was, direct to Hell.  I
+pursued my journey without making any other reflection.  Having travelled
+about a quarter of a league, I began to perceive a bad odour, as of
+sulphur and bitumen, and supposed it proceeded from baths of mineral
+waters, which diffused a strong scent at a great distance around.  I
+advanced constantly, and arrived at last before a large edifice, which
+answered the description of Pluto’s palace, as it is represented in
+fable.  I found at the gate an immense devil, horrible to look upon.  At
+this apparition, I stepped hastily back, two or three paces, and drew my
+sword, suspecting that some one was thus disguised, to do me an injury.
+The porter, perceiving my embarrassment, approached, telling me to fear
+nothing; for he was thus clothed, to deter the saints, who constantly
+endeavoured to abstract the damned from hell.
+
+“It is then true, that this is hell,” said I.
+
+“Yes, at your service: enter, enter, my lord, one had better come here
+living than dead.”
+
+I immediately walked in, and besought a devil whom I met, to show me the
+apartments of the palace: he called himself _Curiosity_; this was his
+appellation of war, or rather that of his employment; for as angels take
+theirs from their offices near God or men, so likewise demons are named,
+from the services they execute, or the dignities with which they are
+invested.
+
+“They denominate me _Curiosity_,” said the demon, “because it is I who
+inspire men with the desire of seeing, listening, proving, and tasting;
+and as it is curiosity that opens the door of sin, so it is I who open
+that of hell.”
+
+“You may conduct me there,” said I, “on condition that you bring me back
+to the gate again, after I have examined it; and you will oblige me still
+farther, by leading me afterwards to paradise, which I would also visit.”
+
+“It is not I,” replied Curiosity, “who can conduct you thither, and open
+the door; the guide of the way is Retirement, the porter, Virtue; but I
+will show you every thing worthy of notice here, and reconduct you to the
+place from whence I take you.”
+
+“Very well,” said I, and followed him.
+
+We first entered into a spacious court, where the devils were scourging
+the unhappy, who cried, “pardon, pardon, my God!  I did not reflect—I did
+not believe—who told me of these things;” and many other similar
+expostulations.
+
+“These,” observed the devil, “are people, that have come to hell without
+thinking about it, without fear, and without believing it.”
+
+“They were then honest in their faith; but why punish those guilty only
+through ignorance?”
+
+The devil replied, “they ought to think upon the matter, to instruct
+themselves, and be persuaded that hell is no place for mercy—so much the
+worse for them.”
+
+I passed from thence into a great chamber, where there were many men
+gaming, who swore and blasphemed because they had lost a little money, or
+played a bad card.  “Behold these people,” said I to the devil, “how
+impatient and hasty!”
+
+“That is the cause of their being here.”
+
+In another room we found comedians, who mourned at their captivity, shut
+up for having made the world laugh.  Said they; “if by chance some
+equivocal words have impressed the spectators with evil thoughts, was it
+not rather their fault than ours?”
+
+“Oh,” said the devil to me, “if they had done no more than that, they
+should scarcely have come here; but think of their lost time, knaveries,
+and secret crimes!  In the terrestrial paradise, a male and female
+comedian enacted a scene, that hath given to the devil the whole human
+race.”
+
+“Ah! who had they for spectators when they were alone in the world?”
+
+“No, it is not the comedy which damns the players; it is what passes
+behind the scenes.”
+
+In the following chamber were the physicians and their suit: they
+composed poisons for themselves; they took the doses when prepared; they
+bled and purged themselves, and tried every dangerous and disagreeable
+remedy in medicine, surgery, and chemistry, to procure death to
+themselves, and could not succeed.
+
+“They once used their art,” said the devil, “for a bad purpose, and now
+their art fails them at their utmost need: do what they will, they cannot
+die, because the air of hell is a fire which purifies and conserves.”
+
+In a cabinet near this chamber, were a number of persons endeavouring to
+make gold, or to speak more plainly, sought to discover the philosopher’s
+stone: among them I recognised Tarnesier, he who made the nail half gold
+and half iron, which is in the museum of the duke of Tuscany; also a duke
+of Saxony, and a duke of the Medici, who knew how to make gold during
+their lives, but forgot the secret when they came to hell.
+
+“Is, then, the making of gold so heinous a sin?” inquired I of the devil.
+
+“No,” answered he, “but it is a grievous offence not to know how to make
+it, and that is the reason these gentlemen are here.”
+
+“And the others,” said I, “who never pretended to have made the
+discovery!”
+
+“Oh, they have not passed off copper for gold, as these have done.”
+
+“Let me see the devotees now,” said I to my conductor; “they are a
+species of humanity that will divert me.”
+
+“You are right; these are the fools of hell; it will be more instinctive
+to look at them than those of this apartment.”
+
+As we repassed the chambers we had visited, I heard some one exclaim,
+“Look at this poor devil, who knows not where to bestow himself;
+Curiosity is seeking a lodging for him.”
+
+“Signor,” said one of them to me, “remain here, with the devil’s
+permission, if you cannot be accommodated elsewhere.”
+
+I passed by without answer, not wishing to hold any intercourse with the
+damned.  I found in this place monks and devotees who had hated one
+another so rancorously, that they had abused the most holy things of
+religion, and wasted the time of the church in giving vent to their
+malice, and afterwards would excuse their conduct in terms not used in
+the world but to express the most moral, sacred, and holy actions.
+
+“Ah, what hypocrites,” said the devil; “it would have been better for
+them, if they had delivered themselves openly to those pleasures, they
+concealed under the appearances which deceive the vulgar.”
+
+In another part they were praying after this fashion:—“Lord, let my
+father soon taste the joys of Paradise, that I may take possession of his
+estate.”—“Lord, take speedily my uncle to thy bosom, that I may have his
+benefice.”—“Great saint, make me fortunate at play; disdain not my
+prayer; grant that my children may contract opulent marriages, and
+prosper in the world.”—“Let my daughter espouse the noble Spaniard.”—They
+uttered other supplications fully as extravagant, and added promises and
+vows.—“I will give a hundred crowns to the poor, ornaments to my church,
+a dowry to six unhappy orphans, two wax tapers, and a chaplet of flowers
+to our lady.”—“I will wear a dark coloured habit,” said one girl; “and I
+a white,” said another.  The first replies, “I am brunette, the violet
+suits my complexion;” the second, “I am red, the white becomes me best.”
+
+Next to this apartment was that of women and girls who had been lovers,
+and whose number was very considerable.  As the history of their folly
+was similar, I felt unwilling to listen to it, but traversed their
+chamber without stopping, and entered into the quarter of the poets, to
+have the satisfaction of beholding the great geniuses of antiquity.
+There I was much surprised to find Homer, sitting in the midst of the
+Grecian poets, and reading his own _Iliad_, he who had been so blind
+during his life.  I was tempted to ask him some questions respecting his
+works, and had an idea he would reply in verse.  With this view I walked
+round the circle that was formed, and spoke in these terms to the prince
+of poets:—“O, illustrious Homer! light of the universe! author of the
+most sublime fictions! the beauty and price of thy writings surpass the
+grandeur of the king of Spain, the wisdom of Charlemagne, the abundance
+of Ceres, the girdle of the Graces, the tenderness of Venus, the
+delicacies of Bacchus, the brightness of Aurora, the height of heaven,
+the depth of hell, the vastidity of the ocean, and the variety of the
+world, a Spaniard who wants neither spirit nor courage, of Quevedo,
+demands of thee if the victory thou hast attributed to the Greeks before
+Troy truly belongs to them; and if Paris, that tender lover, actually in
+vain took so much trouble to carry off their chaste Helen.”
+
+Homer, rubbing his eyes, answered me thus:—“Here there must needs be
+sincerity and truth; for we pay dearly for the boldness and obloquy, that
+weak mortals admire: our torments are eternal.  I never was in Ionia: I
+passed my life in Greece; to honour this nation I sacked Troy; a city
+strong, rich, fortunate, and always victorious, and that was finally
+destroyed by an earthquake.  Helen, to whom I have accorded the honours
+of fidelity, was the least scrupulous of all our frail damsels.  Leave me
+to relent over what hath charmed all the poets of the world.  Go from
+this place, and tell mortals you found me reading, against my
+inclination, those works that have attained the universal suffrage.”
+
+His discourse affected me.  I pitied this old man, who wept upon reading
+his poems; but I reflected that he had invented all those fabulous
+incidents, to which both pagans and Christians are equally attached.
+Homer, this genius who knew how to assume so many changes, had he need to
+endow with heavenly powers, those brave men whom he sent to the siege of
+Troy? he might have created heroes, without making them gods: to be sure,
+it is always permitted to poets to feign and magnify their subjects; or,
+in other words, the subjects thus aggrandised and exalted to heaven have
+no sublimity but in poesy and upon paper, like the figures that painters
+trace on canvass, or sculptors upon marble.  How could the Greeks mistake
+and worship gods who had such an origin? however the thing has happened,
+Homer is the cause, and now mourns over his poetry and himself; he has
+for companions in misery, his disciples and imitators.  Ought this not to
+serve as a lesson to living poets, who, abusing their talents, compose
+and read seductive works, causing those who think themselves in a
+condition to do the like, to lose their time, and often corrupting the
+heart in recreating the mind.
+
+From this chamber I passed into that of the Latin poets.  Ovid and Virgil
+there disputed the throne.  Horace chafed that he was not admitted into
+the contest, and Martial revenged himself upon them by a piquant epigram.
+Horace protested against the whole proceeding of the two first; he
+demanded arbitrators, and nominated on his own behalf Scaliger, who has
+declared that he would rather have been the author of the ninth ode, than
+the possessor of the crown of Arragon; but they would not notice him.
+The other poets espoused the party that suited them best: many declared
+for Seneca the tragedian, for Terence, and Plautus.  These last, read in
+a corner of the chamber the finest passages of their compositions.  They
+now began to talk of settling the dispute with blows: fearing, therefore,
+that I might get an unlucky hit in the mêlée, I left the place, and
+passed hastily into the chambers of the Spaniards, Italians, French,
+English, Turkish, Chinese, and Persian.  I noticed the ancient Gaulish
+poets, crowned with misletoe of the oak, making processions, and singing
+the histories of their first kings.
+
+“Here, upon this side,” said Curiosity to me, “is a chamber of perfumers;
+they have fine scents for the gratification of the damned; but you would
+hardly be able to bear them.”
+
+“I will take,” said I, “a pinch of snuff.”
+
+I drew forth my box, helped myself, and offered it to my devil; he filled
+his nose, but from the titilation he felt in his olfactories, he withdrew
+his fingers, when he began to sneeze in such a manner, and with such a
+noise, that hell itself seemed sinking under us, he belched forth fire
+from his nose, as lightning flashes from a cloud; he put his fore-finger
+to it, and there issued forth a rivulet of liquid sulphur, which uniting
+with his saliva, formed a torrent of boiling water, that flowed across
+the chamber, and passed through the doors and windows; without that I
+believe I should have been drowned.  These waters fell upon people
+underneath, who began to call for help, thinking a river of melted
+sulphur and pitch fell upon them.  The devil laughed heartily at this
+disorder, and told me my snuff was excellent: he asked for another pinch;
+I did not dare to refuse him, because he was in his own house; and such a
+refusal might, perhaps, have made him regard me as impolite.  But this
+time, when I put my fingers into the box, the powder took fire as if it
+had been saltpetre, and burnt in my hands, at which accident I was not
+sorry, being apprehensive of another disorder, similar to the first.
+
+We then entered the chamber of the perfumers: they were occupied in
+extracting essences of intolerable odours, which are as agreeable to them
+as jessamine, tuberose, orange, and others in use among the men and women
+of our world: they made these essences from the oil of the box tree, from
+wax, jet, and yellow amber.  Their pomatums were composed of galbanum,
+assafœtida, rosin, pitch, and turpentine.  I was informed that these were
+for the use of the ladies of hell, who were served by the perfumers, and
+who were, at the same time, obliged to use their compounds, in obedience
+to the laws of Lucifer.
+
+From thence, we proceeded along a broad aisle, which terminated at an
+elevated pavilion, the apartment of the astrologers and magicians.  I met
+at the door a chiromancer, who desired to inspect my hand.  I extended it
+without ceremony; but scarcely had I touched his, before I was glad to
+withdraw it, it seemed so hot and fiery.
+
+“I have remarked at a glance,” said he, “that you will be happy if you
+are prudent.”
+
+“And you,” said I, “what have you noticed with regard to your own?”
+
+“I knew,” replied he, “by the mount of Saturn, that I was to be damned.”
+
+“Ah, well! if you had exercised the prudence you recommend to me, you
+would not have been here.”
+
+I passed without further speech, and saw a man, who, with compasses,
+measured upon a globe, the distances between the celestial signs: “what
+are you doing, good man?” said I.
+
+“Ah, God!” replied he, “if I had been born but half an hour sooner, when
+Saturn changed his aspect, and Mars lodged in the house of life, my
+salvation had been certain.”
+
+The others made similar observations, so that one could hardly forbear
+laughing at their complaints.  There came up one named Taisnerius, author
+of a book upon physiognomy and chiromancy, who gazed in my face for such
+a length of time, that he quite embarrassed me.
+
+“You look like an old burnt shoe,” said I to him; “go your ways; do not
+stop so near me.”
+
+“Look at this beggar,” said he; “see how he affects the man of
+consequence, because he wears a sword by his side, and hath the cross of
+Saint James!  What a physiognomy!  What an aspect!  What a figure!  This
+man goes straight to the gibbet: besides, there is here neither wealth
+nor rank; all are equal.”
+
+“Insolent fellow,” said I; “if I draw my sword, I will teach you how to
+speak to a man of honour; have you not had experience enough to be wise?
+you ought to bear in mind the correction you received in Portugal, for
+treating a gentleman in the same indecorous manner you have me; but you
+are incorrigible.”
+
+“Taisnerius,” said my devil, “get into your hole, and draw your own
+horoscope.”
+
+After this trifling dispute, we advanced, and encountered many
+astrologers, among whom were Hali, Gerard of Cremona, Barthelemi of
+Parma, a certain personage by the name of Tondin, and Cornelius Agrippa.
+The moment this last perceived me, he cried out that “the world did him
+injustice, in calling him Agrippa the black—in accusing him of magic, and
+other similar things, for which, he averred, he had not been damned: that
+he was born in an age of ignorance, when good physicians passed for
+magicians, astrologers for sorcerers, and all learned men for people who
+had converse with the devil; that his book upon the Cabala, was nothing
+more but a satire upon the cabalistic art of the Jews, and the little key
+of Solomon; and finally, the book itself might be taken as a criterion of
+his faith, in those things by which they deceived the simple, and of the
+vanity of that science.  I am no more a magician,” continued he, “than
+Cardan, whom you can see if you wish.”
+
+“Why then have you been damned?”
+
+“Because I abused my knowledge, and amused myself with people’s
+credulity; if I had indeed been a magician, I should have become
+penitent, and been saved.”
+
+While I was speaking, I heard a tremendous uproar, proceeding from
+another apartment, and inquiring the cause, was informed the Turks were
+fighting; and as I happened to understand their language, discovered the
+quarrel was, in fact, between Mahomet and the two prophets, who had each
+established a sect in the Mahometan law.  Mahomet complained very
+bitterly against Ali, because he had given to the Persians a false
+Alcoran, and because Albubekir had so illy explained his own, in Africa.
+He, on the contrary, maintained that the Alcoran could have no other
+meaning, than what he had attached to it.  Ali asserted, there was no
+reason in this law; and furthermore, he contended, that Mahomet himself
+knew nothing about the book he had composed.  They chafed furiously upon
+this, and cried out, as if enraged to madness; I heard their dialogue,
+but do not wish to be the herald of their quarrels.  This was gentleness
+itself, compared with what passed among the heretic and schismatic
+Christians; there I saw Luther in the habit of the Augustine order, with
+his monks about him, and a pot of wine on the table.  “Do the dead
+drink,” said I, “to the devil?”
+
+“Not at all; but this wine is set before their eyes, for the purpose of
+tormenting them with the sight of what they loved so well; it is for the
+same reason, that Luther has his wife with him.”
+
+Melancthon was also there; he wept continually, and was so unquiet, that
+he could not remain an instant at rest: he traversed from right to left
+upon all sides, and then returned to the place from whence he set out,
+only to recommence the same journey.  “What is this man doing?” said I to
+Curiosity.
+
+“He imitates the conduct he pursued in the world; for there he was
+alternately with Luther and the church; sometimes a Zuinglian, and
+sometimes a Calvinist; thus are the inconstant tormented.  This good old
+man whom you see here, is Erasmus; this other is Grotius; unhappily, they
+neither of them had any religion.  This man, who appears so sour, and is
+surrounded with ministers, is Calvin, who brought about the reformation.
+These others, are heretics of the first ages, who are here for being
+reluctant to submit to legitimate authority.  See the great Photius
+patriarch of Constantinople, how the Greeks surround him: he is justly
+punished for having quitted the ministry for the patriarchate; if he had
+remained in a civil station he would have been saved; but being mixed up
+in ecclesiastical affairs, he committed so much wickedness, that he now
+suffers no more than he deserves.”
+
+“A man so learned!” said I to the devil.
+
+“Yes, too much so; and too much knowledge is often more injurious than
+profitable.”
+
+I began now to tire of hell, and fatigued with my walk, intimated a
+desire to my conductor to depart, and to be accompanied by him as far as
+the gate.  He replied, he wished first to show me the apartment of the
+contractors, whom I had not yet seen, and which was upon a line with that
+in which we were.  I then entered into the chambers of these farmers of
+the revenue, and was surprised to see such a multitude, each habited in
+the garb of his own country.  “There are here, then,” said I, “people
+from all quarters of the globe.”
+
+“Yes,” replied the devil, “since there are every where imposts.”
+
+“But why,” demanded I, “are these people damned, who have levied the
+lawful tribute of legitimate princes?  I have read in the scripture that
+it is lawful to pay tribute unto Cæsar: how shall this tribute be paid,
+unless there are people to collect it? must one be damned for doing a
+duty?”
+
+“Hold, hold,” cried the demon; “not quite so much philosophy; these
+contractors were full as philosophical as you are; but it is nevertheless
+true, if they had only levied the tribute due to their prince, they would
+not have been damned; but they raised one not due, either to the prince
+or to themselves: they would have been much better off, had they not made
+so much expense, and the prince had given them but a shilling for a
+pound.  Calculate, for a moment, what an enormous sum is requisite, for
+the compensation of the host of subalterns attached to an office;
+consider then, how much the principal must gain; add to that, what goes
+into the coffers of the king, without mentioning what is styled the
+_perquisites_, and you will find that not more than one per cent of the
+ducats are realized at the treasury; and that, he who gets the most, is
+doubtless the farmer.  If the king of Spain would oblige them to send
+straight to him the custom on exports and imports, he would profit by
+that the contractors get.  There needs but one commissary, for all the
+revenues of the king, in each office; he should supervise all the books
+and accounts, contenting himself with a generous salary for his care,
+punishing frauds by pecuniary fines, and by corporeal inflictions for
+second offences.  If the matter was thus managed, the king would be
+richer, and taxes less; the people would be less burthened, and almost
+all this great number of contractors, would remain in commerce, in the
+army, or country.  How much should you say,” demanded the devil, “the
+king received, of what is annually taken from the royal mines?”
+
+“About three quarters,” replied I.
+
+“He would be too well off,” exclaimed he, with a cry of admiration; “he
+does not get the thousandth part; all goes in outfits, in expenses; and I
+verily believe, that if these things are to continue thus, the king would
+gain more by closing them, than in causing them to be worked.”
+
+“At present,” said I, “there is a necessity of levying imposts, of having
+contractors, and paying them well: the neighbouring princes do the same,
+to furnish their charges and expenses of war: if this is an evil, it is
+one that must be endured, to preserve the whole body politic from
+destruction.  But how is it possible, you can so vehemently dislike the
+gentlemen of the revenue, who form by far the largest part of your
+infernal population?”
+
+“It is the force of reason,” answered he, “that compels even demons to
+avow the truth, and both to love and detest the wickedness we are
+desirous of detecting in others, to make them companions of our misery.”
+
+“I admire,” said I, “the force of truth; and I admire not less to see
+injustice hated, even among the unjust; but I cannot comprehend, why you
+should say, that however legitimate the tribute due to the prince, the
+contractors cannot conscientiously take the public money.”
+
+“You misapprehend me; that they can do; but the farmers collect more
+money than is consistent with equity, or the orders of the prince; they
+extort that which should be useful for the maintenance of the public
+weal: it is of this charge, of this waste, the contractors are guilty.”
+
+“I understand you,” said I to the demon; “but conduct me from hence, for
+I am weary.”
+
+He continued:—“Do you comprehend what I say, that it is the contractors
+who are most happy and rich? and from whence come those superb mansions,
+as magnificently furnished as the Escurial palace? how can they support
+such enormous expenses? entertain so many gentlemen? give their daughters
+such ample dowries? contract advantageous alliances with the noblest
+families of Castile and Arragon?  Such an one shall command to-day, and
+be covered in the king’s presence, who a year since drove a chariot, or
+stood behind a carriage.  Another, who hired his land, shall presently
+purchase the farm he formerly cultivated.  Appointed a subaltern in one
+of the offices, he soon becomes its head, and is elevated by degrees to
+the nobility.”
+
+The demon having finished, I thanked him, and wishing to impress the
+lesson on my memory, engaged him to repeat it.  He summed up the whole in
+the following manner:—“Observe neither what reason or the law prescribes
+to thee, respect neither God nor the king, lay the peasantry under
+contribution, succumb to the great, become a great proprietary farmer,
+cause the purchaser to pay you twice for what you sell: to put out of
+sight the baseness of your origin, obtain an appointment in one of the
+bureaux, and accustom yourself to command; for by these gradations one
+may arrive at the highest dignities.”
+
+“What signifies all that,” said one of the contractors, who listened to
+our discourse; “is it not natural for a person to elevate himself if he
+can?  Is it not the order of Providence, that the lofty should be abased,
+and the humble exalted?  Fortune is but a wheel, which in its revolutions
+puts underneath what but now was on top.  If the subjects were more
+attached to the government, the sovereign would have less need of
+imposts, and consequently of collectors.  If they were perfectly just,
+they would not need a king.  To complain of our avarice is to accuse
+heaven; instead of which only the impenetrability of individuals should
+be reproached, who would rather see a great kingdom like Spain entirely
+overthrown, than advance a single real to repair the slightest breach.
+Know, Signor Devil, who has delivered such a philippic against the
+contractors, that we have been to our country, what the bones and muscles
+are to the human body, or numerous armies to a province threatened with
+an invasion: if the king of hell would but consult with us, we should
+teach him to fortify his dominions in such a manner, that they would be
+impregnable to both saints and angels.  In the first place, I would lay a
+tax upon every demon who plies his occupation in the world: secondly, I
+would establish a daily employment for each soul in the infernal world:
+thirdly, I would make the magicians and sorcerers pay an annual tribute:
+this will be done, for I have heard the king of the demons was about to
+organise a council of financiers; and this is a subject that might well
+engage even the attention of that celebrated Englishman, who invented the
+first paper currency of England.”
+
+“And wherefore,” said the demon, “impose a tax on us?  What will you do
+when we refuse to pay?  Can you confiscate our estates?  In what prisons
+will you confine us when you have decreed our arrest?  We should mock at
+all your projects: ah, little man! you grow licentious! you must be
+chained up; come, obey; extend your hands and legs.”
+
+“I shall do neither the one nor the other,” said the contractor; “you are
+not here our master; I will call the financial council together; and I am
+going this instant to denounce you to the grand inquisition, because you
+resist paying tribute to the king of Spain.”
+
+“I laugh at your inquisition,” said the demon, “and to be beforehand with
+you, I will denounce you to the prince of devils himself: come, quick,
+obey; extend your hands and legs.”
+
+The contractor found himself loaded with irons, in spite of his
+remonstrances: the devil then went into the apartment of the inquisitors
+to subject them to the same treatment, and afterwards returned to
+accompany me to the gate, as I had requested.
+
+“These insolents,” muttered he, “these insects! what pride! what
+rodomontades! was there ever seen such supercilious knaves?  But I will
+humble them in such a manner, and make them suffer so much, that they
+will have no stomach to talk of imposts and taxes.”
+
+When we had left these contractors, (whom I regard as the most unhappy
+class in hell, because, let them do ever so much good to the prince or to
+the state, let them be ever so upright in their administration, nay, even
+if they were angels, they could not escape accusation and hatred) our
+attention was attracted by an immense crowd, which had arrived and filled
+up the avenue in such a manner, that we could not pass, and so were
+obliged to fall back to the opposite gate.  “Who are these people?”
+inquired I of the demon.
+
+“They are,” replied he, “a corps of tailors; they arrive here in crowds,
+like great armies, and when they come, all the demons are put in
+requisition to confine them; my duty compels me to assist; go with me,
+and amuse yourself with our proceedings.”
+
+We made our way through this crowd of tailors, and arrived at length,
+before a great furnace, the mouth of which was more than ten fathoms in
+diameter.  There they bound these tailors in faggots, putting from ten to
+a dozen in each bundle: they fastened each one by the feet, and then
+brought a rope about the whole package, and afterwards suspending the
+faggot to a hook, which was elevated by means of a pulley, over the
+centre of the furnace, a devil detached it, and let it fall into the
+fire.  Sometimes the tailors who had their arms free, grasped so firmly
+the pulley, that the devil had an infinite deal of trouble to loose their
+hold: when that took place, he caused the whole mass to make a pirouette
+in the air, and as the motion was violent, the tailors were always forced
+to let go, and drop into the fire.  It happened that one of these faggots
+fell outside the aperture, upon a quantity of others, which were ranged
+like a pile of wood, and which the devil measured.  The individuals of
+this faggot, seized hold of the others in such a manner, that they could
+not separate them; so that the devils who united their strength for that
+purpose, were obliged to take the whole pile, attach it to the hook, and
+let it all go together.  The mass was so great, that it seemed as if it
+would choke the fire of hell.  The devils bestirred themselves, and
+finally made an end of the tailors; they then cast in a great quantity of
+oil, tallow, and sulphur, and stirring them up with long iron tormentors,
+and employing large bellows, the fire caught all at once, and raised a
+flame, that rose above the mouth of the furnace more than three hundred
+feet.  All the tailors having been cast into the fire, their demon
+general, with a haughty and severe air, came to demand of me, why I had
+not been bound with the others.
+
+“Because,” said I to him, “I am not a tailor, a rogue, a thief, neither a
+cabbager of stuff nor money; I am here with my companion, Curiosity, to
+inspect the beauties and antiquities of this country.”
+
+“You are a liar,” replied the general; “you are one of my subjects; I
+know you by your strait-cut dress, which, without doubt, you have made
+out of the clippings of some other; come, obey; cast yourself into the
+fire, or I will throw you in.”
+
+As he was about to bind me, my demon informed the general that I was not
+yet dead; that I had never been of any trade, and that he believed I
+should not be one of their subjects, because those who descended quick
+into hell, conducted themselves afterwards in such a manner, as not to
+revisit it after death; furthermore, the cross of Saint James, (which I
+carried,) would inspire fear, and cause false alarms in the bosoms of the
+damned.
+
+“Come hither, then,” said the general, “and profit by what you see; you
+know, at least, that tailors are the fuel of hell, and serve to burn
+those that come hither.”
+
+My demon advised me to go promptly, because if the general should get
+angry, he might do me a mischief.  In walking along, he informed me the
+unhappy tailors were so numerous, that they not only fed the great
+furnace of hell, which warmed all the apartments, but also furnished the
+table of Lucifer, when he had a mind to feast.
+
+“How!” exclaimed I, “Lucifer eat?  Can spirits eat?”
+
+“Do you not know,” replied he, “that the damned are as the herb the sheep
+eateth, and that death is this sheep?  Have you not read in your sacred
+books, that death devoureth the damned?  _Mors depascet eos_.”
+
+While he was speaking, we met a troop of booksellers, at whose head was
+one Peter Marteau, a publisher, of Cologne; he was loaded with a burden
+so unwieldy, that it was impossible to comprehend how any one man could
+bear it.  They informed me, these were the books printed under his name,
+after his death.  The booksellers of Holland were also very heavily
+laden; and those of France bore also the books struck off at their
+houses, with the title of a Dutch bookseller.  These people were carrying
+their books to the furnace, but were prevented by a singular accident: a
+demon, who passed by with a flambeau, approaching to look at them, their
+papers caught fire, and instantly spread from one to another through the
+whole body: when they perceived the flame, they threw down their loads,
+and fled with all convenient speed.  I asked them why they were damned:
+they answered, for the faults of others.
+
+“An author,” observed they, “often carries a work to the printer, which
+has no merit, and besides, as unsaleable as a girl, ugly and poor: by
+this means the printer is ruined; in vain he curses the author, and seeks
+to reimburse himself by the sale of an unpopular book; this book is the
+cause of his failure; his creditors seize his goods and shop; he maddens,
+and resigns himself to despair.  A translator, who understands Greek,
+undertakes a dull work; sometimes he supposes he has discovered a
+manuscript; he carries his translation to the printer, who, not being
+able to get rid of it, sells the leaves to the grocer or butter woman.
+Another cause of our damnation; a bookseller sells at a handsome profit,
+the _satires_ of Juvenal, the _comedies_ of Terence, and of other poets,
+as those of Virgil and Ovid; a lackey, a shop-boy, a soldier, a clerk,
+purchase these works, and amuse themselves among serving girls, with what
+cost long study to these men of genius.  Without mentioning other books
+we vend, and which obtain circulation, only because they flatter the
+taste or passions of the buyer, is it not true, that a pretty story of
+gallantry, secret memoirs, cabinet intrigues, which profess to expose the
+designs of the government, or the end of some great affair, are the most
+dangerous books? and these are the kind we sell best.  Is it us, then,
+upon whom reproach ought to fall, or on the readers?”
+
+“He speaks advisedly,” said a Holland publisher; “we have put to press
+all the follies of certain authors, who wished to revenge themselves,
+either upon a mistress, judge, minister of state, or prince; and for this
+we must needs be adjudged guilty of other’s faults, and share their
+punishment! but that would have been slight, if we had not meddled with
+books of religion.  We have published in Holland the works of all
+parties; Christians, Jews, Catholics, Protestants, Socinians, Quakers,
+and every other sect; and often in the same book, sold both sides of the
+controversy.”
+
+“You have then,” said I, “no religion!”
+
+“We are,” replied the Dutchman, “the historians of authors; and as a
+historian must have neither relations, country, friends, nor religion,
+even so we have none of these; but under the name of citizens of the
+world, have but one object, and that, the advancement of our own
+interests.”
+
+Immediately upon these words, he hastily fled with the others, to
+re-assemble themselves near the demon of the book merchants, who called
+for his whole crew.  I felt great compassion at the fate of these unhappy
+wretches, condemned to hell, because they were brought up to the
+profession of publishing the dreams and extravagances of authors: it is
+worthy also of reflection, that they are compelled to consult the taste
+of the age, and of the multitude.  Now the taste of the age is
+exceedingly fickle: it is not that of learned men and wits; books of
+morality and criticism are purchased much less readily than novels and
+profane histories; so that book merchants, in their condition, have an
+unhappiness that attaches itself to no other trade, independently of the
+fact, that this business is not held in the same estimation at the
+present day, that it formerly was.  They were then ranked with men of
+letters; they were admitted to the bar and church; the cardinal Ximenes
+bestowed on them great preferments; he ennobled him who published the
+famous _Bible d’arrias montars_.  We see, in his time, publishers who
+possessed rich abbeys and seats in the council.  And what was not done
+for them by the fifth Sixtus, that incomparable genius?  In France, they
+arrived at great distinction, and have been seen in the first posts of
+the principal cities of the kingdom; and we know that a celebrated
+emperor of Germany, was one of the first publishers, if not himself the
+inventor of printing.  But to return from this digression: when the book
+merchants were re-assembled, the notaries, who had just arrived, wished
+to place themselves in their ranks; but the devil used his authority to
+separate them, averring that there was, in fact, a vast difference.
+
+“Without doubt,” said the notaries, “we are the book merchants of
+manuscripts; we compose and publish our works, to which the public accord
+the same faith, as to things they have themselves seen; we are faithful
+public witnesses, the guarantees of contracts, promises, and obligations;
+the guardians of titles, rights, and privileges; our testimony is true,
+infallible; above suspicion, deceit, and fraud.”
+
+“Why,” said the devil, “are you come to hell? for if you fulfilled those
+duties, you are honest people, and I declare, not only useful, but
+necessary to the public; for, between ourselves, there is so little
+public sincerity, that if one could not prove, by writings and witnesses,
+the price at which he bought or sold, he would often find himself cheated
+of his money.”
+
+“It is,” said one of the notaries, “for some antedates or superfluous
+ciphers, that we are damned; judge you, if the matter is of such vital
+consequence; one is so often deceived by writings, and one figure is so
+easily substituted for another;—the pen too, slips sometimes, and a
+nought is so easily made!”
+
+“You are right, in truth,” said the devil, addressing himself to me;
+“they wrong these poor people, in sending them to us; they have committed
+trifling faults, while they do not punish the apothecaries, even, for
+putting up the recipes sent them.  I have a great mind to send these
+unfortunate persons home again.—Go; return, my friends; you have suffered
+great injustice.”
+
+“And we also,” said the corps of bankrupts; for they had done them the
+honour to separate them from the merchants, who had dealt honestly.
+
+“As to you, Signors,” said the devil, “enter into the furnace, without
+further examination: we leave it to the notaries to enter at pleasure;
+they have within them a torment as cruel as fire; it is conscience, that
+never yet respected any person.”
+
+“Oh, oh! ah, ah!” cried the bankrupts, “if they had not wronged us, we
+should have kept our faith with every one: would you, because we were
+cheated, that we should send our families to the almshouse?”
+
+“I did not go to Holland, or to the islands, when I failed,” said one; “I
+shut myself up in a private room in my house, and there negotiated,
+through my wife, with my creditors, making each one to remit a part of
+his just claims: you know what would have happened, had I appeared; there
+is seldom much charity among creditors.”
+
+“I,” said another, “did much better; for I transported from Madrid to
+Venice all the merchandises I had collected, changed my name, and after
+having made a fortune upon these goods, paid the principal, on condition
+they would remit the interest: was there not in this bankruptcy, good
+faith, justice, and prudence?”
+
+“Yes,” replied the devil, “and I cannot conceive on what grounds you were
+condemned; it is very evident it must have been for something else.”
+
+“No,” continued the man, “it was for this very thing; because they
+pretend that for these twenty years, I have injured my creditors, in
+depriving them of the enjoyment and possession of their property;
+consider, Signor devil, if I am under an obligation to repair this
+damage? would it not only be ridiculous, but render them guilty of usury
+towards me.”
+
+“Ah! the honest man,” said the devil; “why do they send to us folks so
+upright and sincere? but my friend,” continued he, “you have the ill luck
+to be found in bad company; we cannot help you; arm yourself, therefore,
+with courage, and prepare to support the sufferings to which the
+bankrupts are destined; you will be forced to accustom yourself to much
+pain; but console yourself, by uniting your complaints with those of your
+comrades.”
+
+Directly the devil stamped upon the pavement, where the publishers,
+notaries, and bankrupts stood, when a trap door, springing open,
+engulphed them all, and closed itself as before.
+
+At this stage of my dream, I was awakened by a serenade of violins and
+hautboys, that some one gave to a young lady of the house.  I immediately
+arose, and looking from the window, saw a number of young men, who, after
+a prelude upon their instruments, began to sing.  As there was no window
+but mine open, they imagined they beheld the beauty to whom their homage
+was addressed; and to amuse myself at their expense, I threw out a
+splendid handkerchief, which one of them eagerly caught; he kissed it
+more than an hundred times; then putting a diamond, worth thirty
+pistoles, into a purse, threw it into my chamber, with a billet couched
+in these terms:—
+
+“My charming princess, at night my heart awakes for thee; by day, I am
+only occupied with your charms.  I burn, without cessation, with the love
+you have inspired; when shall I have the happiness to express to you in
+private, what I feel, and what your silence causes me to suffer? one
+sweet line from your hand, shall re-assure and console me.  Speak, and
+nothing can equal my happiness; continue silent, my misery is at its
+height, and I have no relief, but in death.”
+
+After perusing this billet, I answered it in the following manner, the
+substance of which was furnished by a song I happened to remember.
+
+“When one reigns, or when one loves, the pain is not without its
+pleasures; solicitude renders them more vivid.  Happy prince!  Happy
+lover! it is not in vain you suffer; they will resist you but slightly,
+when they themselves suffer from protracted resistance; yes, when one
+reigns, or when one loves, the pain is not without its pleasures.”
+
+I cast my billet from the window, and it was soon taken up.  The
+adventure seemed to me very pleasant: behold what followed; I deposited
+in the bed of the fair, the diamond that was designed for her, not being
+able to keep it longer with honour, and without exposing myself to the
+anger of the young lady, who would soon know by what window it entered.
+Upon retiring the next night, she found it; she informed her lover of the
+discovery, and he explained the whole affair.  She thanked me graciously
+for my gallantry; I gave her the billet I had received, and she returned
+my handkerchief.  The mistake arose from my having lain, that night, in
+the chamber ordinarily occupied by this young lady, her bed having been
+removed to that of her father, and on that account was unable, as usual,
+to answer her gallant.  She made me the confidant of her attachment, and
+besought my good offices with her father, which I so zealously used, that
+in less than a month, I assisted at the marriage of these lovers.
+
+Those who interpret dreams, say, that the one I had concerning hell,
+hardly presaged this adventure.  I pray those who read my reveries, or
+nocturnal visions, to consider that they contain more truth, than one
+would be apt, at first, to imagine: by day they ought to occupy
+themselves with thoughts upon hell, as intently as they would in the most
+important affair; or as they would seek the means of deliverance, if shut
+up in prison, for a crime against the state.  One is damned for a less
+offence than the robbery of the treasury, revolt, or parricide.  Yes, for
+a much slighter fault, one shall be eternally tormented in hell.—Reflect
+often upon this, dear readers, lest you have it to say, through the
+interminable ages of futurity, “_I could not have thought it_.”
+
+
+
+
+SEVENTH NIGHT.
+THE REFORMATION OF HELL.
+
+
+AS I promenaded one day in my garden, thinking of demons, which are
+always at the back of every one, the foolish idea struck me, that it
+would not be wholly useless to reform my life.  I felt a curiosity to see
+my evil demon; but, thought I to myself, if I should see him I believe I
+should die with fear.  No, said I again, I should not be terrified, if he
+would but show himself in a human shape.  After having repressed this
+improper curiosity, and resumed my composure, I heard a man speaking to
+me; and turning my eyes to that side from whence the voice proceeded, I
+perceived, through a grated door, which separated the garden from the
+park, on the other side, a gentleman of a good mien, who requested me to
+open the gate, as he wished to have some conversation with me.  As he
+resembled a man with whom I had formerly some misunderstanding, I
+refused; but he passed over it before I had the power to prevent him.
+Immediately drawing my sword, I set upon him; and he doing the same,
+parried my thrusts and stood upon the defensive only.  As I perceived
+that his figure at one moment contracted, and anon dilated to a huge
+magnitude, I began to suspect that he was either a magician or a demon;
+and stepping rearward some paces, demanded who he was.  He answered that
+he was my demon, and wished to render me a service.
+
+“I have no need of such service,” said I to him; “for demons are both
+deceptive and malicious.”
+
+“No, no,” replied he; “fear nothing; only come with me.”
+
+Forthwith he transported me into the air, and I soon lost sight of my
+house and garden.  In a short time we drew near the moon; and while
+passing, I gazed attentively upon those valleys, mountains, and lakes,
+which are but imperfectly perceived from the earth by the aid of
+telescopes.  The demon transported me to Sicily and set me down upon the
+summit of a mountain covered with cinders yet hot, which he told me was
+Etna.  There was, from this place, a very fine prospect; one sees all the
+beauties of the isle, and of the surrounding seas: in the distance, the
+highlands of Africa are distinguished, like fleecy clouds, upon the verge
+of the horizon; a multitude of vessels were sailing in view, which seemed
+like white ants, or flies, sporting upon the surface of the ocean.  After
+we had rested there about one hour, the demon told me to follow him.  We
+descended into an aperture from whence belched forth smoke and flame that
+illumined the whole mountain.
+
+“It is here,” said the demon, “that Pliny fell, when he had the temerity
+to approach too near.”
+
+The whole way, as we proceeded, was composed of rocks and fat earth, like
+bitumen, and from time to time, might be seen veins of sulphur.  The
+rocks were full of little crevices, from whence issued vapours and
+sulphurous exhalations, and sometimes slight gusts of wind.  When we had
+travelled downwards about the space of an hour, we came to a vast cavern,
+into which we entered; at its extremity was an immense palace, hewn in
+the rock, and elevated upon massive pillars.
+
+“This,” said the demon, “is the palace of Lucifer.  Let us enter into the
+great hall, where we shall see him give a general audience to the damned:
+listen attentively to what shall be said; examine the events that take
+place, and let what you shall see serve for your instruction.”
+
+The following is a correct account of what I saw in these subterraneous
+abodes.—For a long time, Lucifer, the ruler of hell had not given
+audience to his subjects: the disorder that ordinarily obtain in states
+from the negligence of princes, are incidental as well among demons as
+men.  The evil spirits remained sometimes for ages in the world, without
+rendering any account of the souls they had gained, and often suffered
+themselves to be driven from the tenements of which they were masters;
+the address of some monk or priest snatching from them their conquest.
+Men performed in hell the office of demons; and as they frequently left
+their chains to seek their enemies, battles were as common, as formerly
+between the Romans and Gauls.  Lucifer, either from a fear for his crown,
+or weariness at seeing so many combats, resolved one day to hear, in
+general convention, the complaints of the damned; to introduce a reform
+among the demons; to re-establish the submission and obedience due to his
+sceptre, and to extend the boundaries of his empire by new conquests:
+this was very easy of execution, provided he would give access and free
+parlance to his subjects, and compel his demons to render an exact
+account of their administrations.  With this design he secretly consulted
+with Belzebub, the prince of devils, Belial, the governor-general of
+Pagan nations, and Ashtaroth, the princess who commands all women.  At
+the termination of this council, circular letters were published, which
+ordained that all those who had complaints to prefer, and all the demons
+scattered over the world, should assemble upon an appointed day in the
+great hall of the palace, when and where they should be heard.
+
+The day fixed being arrived, the hall was presently filled, and measures
+taken, that as soon as one party was heard, another should enter.
+Lucifer was seated upon his golden throne, having upon each side those
+princes I have before mentioned.  After having inveighed against the
+disorders prevalent in hell, and stated his determination to rectify
+them, he signified his permission to the standers by to speak.  At this
+intimation there arose an old man of a haughty appearance, and having a
+crown of laurel upon his head; he read the Roman laws touching
+parricides, and amplified upon the ingratitude of natural and adopted
+children towards their parents.
+
+“The parties,” said Belzebub to Lucifer, “must be ordered, before
+commencing their speeches, to announce their names, because many of them
+have been dead a great length of time.”
+
+Such a decree was accordingly made; and he who had now spoken about half
+an hour, said that he was Julius Cæsar, the first emperor of the Romans.
+“Under the pretext of the liberty of our common country,” continued he,
+“Brutus and Cassius, to gratify their ambition, assassinated me in the
+midst of the senate, their enmity was not directed against the empire and
+monarchy, which were, on the contrary, the object of their desires; but
+they hated the emperor, who had magnified the Roman power, and extended
+its dominion both north and east.  Was the government better administered
+in the hands of those senators, who, by their feuds and personal
+dislikes, perilled the salvation of the republic, by resigning it into
+the hands of a perpetual dictation, whom they were obliged shortly
+afterwards to elect?  Rome having once tasted the benefits of monarchy,
+preferred rather to obey a Nero, a Tiberius, a Caligula, or a
+Heliogabulus, than to re-establish this pretended public liberty, for
+which Brutus and Cassius, those two traitors, took up arms against the
+father of their country.”
+
+He continued his discourse in this strain, and concluded by moving, that
+they should be treated in hell as assassins, public disturbers, and
+traitors.
+
+Brutus then arose, and with a trembling voice, said: “Senators, you have
+heard Cæsar; have you not been biassed by his eloquence?  But will you
+forget the services I have rendered?  Remember the advice you privately
+gave me, to encourage the glorious design I had conceived in favour of
+your liberty?  Answer then to Cæsar, that it was by your advice I gave
+the fatal stab; that if the laws had not been abrogated and violated by
+the formidable power of tyranny, you would, yourselves, have put him to
+death under the forms of justice; and that your silence, after the
+execution of my project, was an evidence of your approbation.”
+
+Cassius, assuming the discourse, said he would not undertake to plead his
+own cause if Cicero was present.
+
+“I will not,” said Cæsar, “listen to this timid sycophant; this cowardly
+soul; this selfish orator: when he feared my power, he said, in full
+senate, that he would be my buckler against enemies, and, at the same
+time, conspired against my life, and defends the act of Brutus and
+Cassius.  His cupidity was so eager, that for money, he might be bought
+on the same day to speak upon both sides of a case; and so sober-tongued,
+that there was not a soldier in the army, who would have bestowed upon
+his greatest foe one tittle of the scurrility he heaped upon Anthony.
+You recollect, Signors, his phillipics: he had not the courage to support
+a change of fortune; and the common cause was abandoned by this patriotic
+man before he was slain by Anthony.”
+
+“May all such wretches be ever punished in the same manner! and with what
+can they reproach me?  Did I put any senator to death?  Did I pillage the
+commonwealth?  Did I not return, by my will, what I had amassed and
+conserved for her defence?  Will they accuse me of tyranny and
+usurpation?  I, who delivered the Romans from the ambition of a Pompey?
+Will they charge me with cruelty?  I, who could not behold without
+weeping the head of my most inveterate enemy?  Yes, I can truly say, that
+it was grief at the sad fate of Pompey, that invited me to declare war
+against Egypt.  I was desirous of avenging the death of this great man.
+He would have made himself master of Rome if I had not prevented him; and
+because I stood forth as the defender of the public liberty, was
+assassinated as a usurper.  What wickedness!  What perfidy!  What
+cruelty!  The senate recognized every thing I had done, when, after my
+death, they erected statues, and built me temples.  Infernal judge, will
+you bear with these impious men, who killed him whom the empire delighted
+to honour?”
+
+Cicero would have spoken, fearing the eloquence of Cæsar, or his
+vehemency, would impose upon the judges; but Cæsar constantly
+interrupting him, Lucifer, tired with their clamours and the length of
+the cause, ordered that the emperor, as a punishment for not having
+profited by the advice he received on his way to the senate, upon the day
+of his death, should remain in his present place.
+
+“It was I,” said Cicero, “who caused this information to be sent him.”
+
+“Base liar! perfidious man!” cried Cæsar, “it was you who gave me this
+information! why did you not bring it yourself?”
+
+“It was the will of Fate, that Brutus, Cassius, and other senators,
+involved in this conspiracy, should be marks for infamy, as traitors to
+their country, and as having afforded a direful example of politicians
+without courage.”
+
+After him arose Alexander the Great, very much vexed that Cæsar had
+spoken before him, and pretending that the cause of this Roman emperor
+should not be considered before that of the emperor of the world; but he
+abandoned his pretensions, when a crier had made proclamation, that in
+hell, all conditions were equal, and that the damned had among them, no
+other distinctions than those of crime.
+
+“Infamous prince,” said Clytus, who stood behind Alexander, “dare you
+speak, after having murdered the best of your friends?  Is not the
+brightness of thy conquests tarnished by the shame of thy cruelty?  What
+punishment dost thou merit, for having despoiled princes so distant from
+Macedon, who, so far from having wronged or injured you, did not even
+know you?”
+
+“Silence,” said Alexander.
+
+“What! I be silent! if Lucifer, the chief of this empire, imposes silence
+upon me, I will obey: but shall I yet receive orders from you, cruel
+brigand, notorious robber, sacrilegious rascal, debauchee, fool,
+drunkard, incendiary?”
+
+“No, no: speak, son of Olympias,” said Lucifer to Alexander.
+
+He began thus: “Alexander, son of Jupiter Amnion, lord of the world, most
+high and mighty emperor, conqueror of the habitable globe—”
+
+Clytus laughed at the boasts: “what a lord! what an emperor! what a god!
+Behold the titles which I dispute.  In the first place, his mother was a
+virtuous woman.  She but mocked her son, who, through pride, accused her
+with having committed adultery with Jupiter Amnion.  Secondly, he was not
+lord of the world; since he did not conquer the tenth part of it: and
+thirdly, it is false that he is a great emperor; for an emperor is only
+ennobled by heroic virtues and qualities, which he did not possess.  And
+how is it possible that he should be the conqueror of the habitable
+globe, having never been neither to Africa, nor very far in Europe, nor
+to China?  Thus he is only Alexander, as I am Clytus.”
+
+Here Lucifer passed an order that this prince should only assume the
+titles that veritably pertained to him, and permitted Clytus to continue.
+
+“I was,” said Clytus, “the prime favourite of this Alexander, who,
+wishing to conquer every body, had no enemy nearer and more powerful than
+himself.  Contemplate our portraits: I was his favourite, and I have
+always seen him as ambitious of distinction in wickedness as he was for
+honourable action: but as a foundation to my complaints against him, I
+ought to state, that this prince, elevated by his flatterers to a place
+among the gods, was accustomed to speak without respect of Philip his
+father.  He showed himself more munificent towards gladiators, musicians,
+and drunkards, than towards his bravest captains.  In conformity to this
+disposition, he gave the kingdom of Sidon to Abdolonymus, a well-digger;
+he committed numberless extravagances at the instigation of his
+mistresses; to please a courtesan named Roxana, he burnt the palace of
+the Persian kings; his conduct towards Parmenio, Philotas, and
+Calisthenes, as well as Aminthus, his relation, is sufficient proof of
+his barbarity.  And did he not exhibit more than cruelty towards me?  I
+was the most faithful of his confidants; he who flattered him the least;
+who gave him the best of counsel; to whom he owed his reputation and
+honour.  Alas! because I had the presumption to speak my true sentiments
+at a feast, he arose from the table and inflicted upon me a mortal wound.
+I now demand expiation.  King of hell, revenge Clytus, punish Alexander.”
+
+This prince then replied as follows:—“Favourites bear the same relation
+to sovereigns as mice to cats.”
+
+At this exordium Clytus began to laugh, and said: “Listen to a comparison
+worthy of the disciple of Aristotle.”
+
+“The mouse,” continued Alexander, “seems at first to divert itself with
+the cat; but finally this animal, being more powerful, devours the mouse,
+who cannot accuse her with cruelty for wishing to take her turn in the
+sport.  Such, about me, was the condition of Clytus: but to demonstrate
+the mistake of this ungrateful favourite, I aver, that it is the policy
+of princes to keep favourites, who are towards them neither forward nor
+haughty; and not to accord them too much power.  The liberties they take
+with us cause us to fall into contempt; their hauteur makes us appear
+timid, and their power fills us with just suspicions.  Clytus having thus
+taken advantage of me, I was frequently ashamed of his familiarities.
+Such was his pride, that if I dared to contradict him in the least thing,
+he reared up like an unruly horse: my bounty had rendered him so
+powerful, that he was in fact Alexander, and I was but Clytus.  In
+particular, he abused my mistresses, and the officers of my house; in
+counsel he was always right and I wrong; in every battle, it was he that
+was victorious, and I who had been slack and timid.  If I put some to
+death, it was but consonant with justice, to punish the seditious or
+conspiring; if I burnt the palace of the kings of Persia, it was for the
+purpose of destroying a fortress that had been used against me; if the
+pleasures that were indulged in after my conquests were sometimes too
+free, it arose from a desire to gratify my generals; in fine, the death
+of Clytus crushed those treasonous designs of which I had notice.  He
+only waited for an opportunity to set one part of my army against the
+other, and to despatch me.  I sang at a feast the songs my soldiers had
+composed upon their officers and myself; I rallied Clytus for having, in
+a certain action, taken to flight: this madman let loose his rage upon
+me; he loaded me with contumely; the wine he had drank deprived him of
+reason: I thought it was time to punish his audacity, and to prevent the
+excesses to which it might carry him.  Thus perished an usurping,
+traitorous, insolent and unworthy favourite.  Lucifer, I have spoken the
+truth.”
+
+After having heard the parties, the king said to his demons, “Take notice
+how proper it is that a subject should be faithful and submissive to his
+prince; and that a favourite should not go beyond the respect he owes to
+his sovereign.  _We do order_ that as long as Alexander shall be
+tormented by his ambition, Clytus shall experience all the remorse that
+springs from rashness and ingratitude.”
+
+At the same moment was heard the voice of Seneca, speaking to Nero:
+“Cruel prince, how have you profited by the lessons of clemency,
+goodness, and humanity I have given you?  Did you not murder me to
+repossess yourself of the wealth I had received from you?  Such was my
+recompense for having raised you to empire.  Was it not I who saved you
+from the conspiracy formed by Piso, after you had set fire to all
+quarters of Rome?  Was it not I who delivered you from the snares which
+had been spread for you by the friends of your mother Agrippina, whom you
+afterwards put to death?  I was more careful of your reputation than
+yourself, when I advised you not to exhibit yourself as a comedian upon
+the theatre; when you entered the lists to dispute the prize of poetry
+with Lucan, whom you afterwards assassinated.”
+
+“Old fool,” said Nero, in a slender voice, “thou wert become unworthy of
+my favours by thy excessive ambition, and by the dishonour you brought
+upon my palace.  Great Lucifer, you see a man who, being my preceptor,
+did not profit by his own theory.  He maintained a shameful commerce with
+my mother; and with a view to favour it, poisoned the Emperor Claudius,
+my father, who did not commit suicide, as was the prevalent opinion at
+Rome.  The partiality of my mother filled him with such audacity, that he
+projected mounting the throne, and having me poisoned.  I was informed of
+the intrigue, which I suspected before having received positive advice.
+I observed that his immense wealth had obtained him very many friends
+among the senators, gentlemen, and officers of the army; and it is worth
+while, also, to know, that this man who preached so much about frugality,
+and the love of mediocrity, was far from practising these virtues, which
+are easily reported of a man possessing twelve millions of revenue.
+After having punished the tyranny and usurpation of my mother, I was
+bound to punish the crimes of Seneca; but I was yet lenient enough to
+leave the manner of his death to his own choice.”
+
+“The subjects and favourites of princes,” said Lucifer, “are always
+culpable, when they are ungrateful, or entertain any other desire than
+the prosperity of their masters: they ought to leave to them the
+recompense of their services, without attempting to reward themselves.
+_We will_, then, that the philosopher, Seneca, born in Spain, should be
+punished as if he had compassed his designs upon Nero: and that Nero be
+treated as an unjust and barbarous prince.”
+
+“This ordinance,” said Sejanus, “does not concern me: Tiberius caused me
+to be assassinated without reason, actuated by one of those suspicions to
+which he was usually addicted.  He was troubled more by a fear of losing
+his life, than the empire.  His courtezans had too much influence over
+him.  As to myself, I have never punished any but the enemies of
+Tiberius: to be sure, they were also mine.  But were not, in truth, the
+opposers of a minister who governed as well as I did, foes to their
+prince and country?”
+
+Tiberius would have answered; but Lucifer, interrupting him, ordered that
+all the favourites of princes should come in.  There appeared a vast
+number, among them Plautius, the favourite of Severus, was particularly
+remarkable: also Faustus, the favourite of Phyrrhus, king of Epirus;
+Pyreneus and Cleandrus, favourites of the emperor Commodus; Cincinnatus,
+favourite of Britulus; Rufus, favourite of Domitian; Ampronisius,
+favourite of Adrian; Belisarius, favourite of Justinian.
+
+“Listen,” said Lucifer; “the favour of princes is like quick-silver, the
+motion of which cannot be arrested, and which flies the endeavour to
+restrain it.  If one would sublimate it, it is a vapour that exhales
+itself; and often, if too much is used, it becomes dangerous.  If one
+anoints with it, it penetrates to the very bones: those who are
+accustomed to draw it from the mine, and purify it, contract a malady
+which makes them tremble all their lives.  This is the character of
+princes’ favour: it is inconstant, because it depends upon the humour and
+passion of one who seeks only novelty and the pleasure of the moment.  If
+you are importunate, if you exhibit the least sign of impatience, if you
+are even suspected of prudence in the management of your credit or
+fortune, the attachment of the prince will cool.  If you show any marks
+of envy against another, of discontent in yourself, or indifference in
+the presence of your protector, he suspects you, and passes straightway
+from suspicion to enmity and hatred.  Bear then with resignation your bad
+fortune and the humour of your master: your pains, attentions, time,
+health, wealth all lost, you are at length obliged to return into your
+humble retreat, there to expect death; which, to your grief, comes not
+soon enough to free you from regret and the remembrance of your follies.
+A casual sally, an instant of good humor, a lucky word, a sudden caprice,
+a nothing, makes a favourite.  Five or six years suffice for his fortune;
+if delayed, it escapes him.  The same causes can bestow or withdraw
+favour.  A favourite ought to make these reflections in his
+prosperity,—that he must abstain from those liberties that are common
+among equals, and that freedom which friends indulge in; that he must be
+constantly submissive, and know how to accompany respect with
+complaisance; that the prince ought always to speak the first word in a
+confidential affair; and to preserve his secrets, he must dispose himself
+to every kind of privation.  He who hath not regulated his conduct by
+these precepts must bear the burden of his own imprudence; and for this
+reason _we order_ that those favourites who have incurred the displeasure
+of their sovereigns shall be punished as unfaithful subjects.”
+
+Lucifer then commanded an old man to advance, whom he perceived in the
+hall behind the others.  There advanced then a man of a pleasant
+countenance, in a Greek habit, and followed by other persons clothed in
+the same manner.
+
+“I am Solon,” said this old man: “I gave to the Athenians laws which they
+did not exactly follow; this person contiguous to me is the philosopher
+Anaxarchus, whom the tyrant Nicocreon caused to be brayed in a mortar: in
+this little hump-back, behold the famous Aristotle, preceptor to the
+great Alexander: his philosophy excused the disciple from practising the
+morality he taught.  This academician is Socrates, whom his fellow
+citizens put to death with a cup of hemlock.  This old man is the divine
+Plato, who, spite of the sublimity of his doctrine, sold oil for the
+defrayment of his expenses.  All the rest are men of letters, who, like
+ourselves, have excited the envy, and experienced the vengeance of the
+princes, Archons and Tyrants, of Athens; and it is now upon these tyrants
+we unitedly demand vengeance.”
+
+Then Denis, the tyrant, accompanied by some other princes, presented
+themselves and spoke in this manner:—“Of whom do these old dotards
+complain?  Infatuated by their conceits, they pretended to dictate law to
+the whole world!  In fact they had so imbued the people with their dogmas
+and their customs, that when we wished to make some changes, they excited
+sedition.  They had so much pride and presumption, that they arrogated to
+themselves alone the possession of common sense and reason; while in
+truth they were distinguished but for opinions founded upon vain
+subtleties, and by a language not common and familiar to men:—and now I
+should like to ask them what certain knowledge they had; what was their
+idea upon the nature of the soul? and what constituted the reason and
+equity of their laws?”
+
+“I will add to that,” said Julian, the apostate, “that there are pedants,
+who, under the affectation of austerity, concealed the most extreme
+ambition.  Do they complain of the contempt that was shown them, when
+their manner of living exposed them to it?  Will they speak of their
+poverty, who would not labour for a living?  The people of letters
+deceive themselves if they believe that princes and the public ought to
+enrich them for vain and useless sciences.  Should they not make their
+calculation for that, when, idle in their cabinets, they amuse themselves
+in contemplating the figures and number of the stars, which they apply,
+to find fault with the common prejudices of our ancestors?”
+
+“At least,” observed Cato of Utica, “you cannot make those remarks with
+regard to Cicero, or myself, who have exercised the highest magistracies
+of Rome.”
+
+“Old fox,” answered Julian, “I cannot, it is true, say so of you two; for
+if you were attached to letters, you were still more so to your fortunes.
+And of whom can you complain, you who accelerated your own death?  Did
+you not hope to gain an easy immortality in thus quitting your
+terrestrial abode?  It was to arrive at this, that you did not wish to
+survive the pretended misfortunes of your country.  Fine courage that, of
+a man who kills himself to escape fighting with his enemies!  Would you
+not have done better to have preserved yourselves for the defence of
+Rome, its liberty, and your goods?”
+
+“I recommend you,” said Cato, “to the Antiochians: they will tell the
+truth of you better than I can: they know you; they are fully acquainted
+with your pusillanimity, your vices, but, above all, with your vanity,
+which surpasses your knowledge and eloquence.  Look at this great
+emperor, who, to punish Antioch, quits the sword, assumes the pen, and
+is, after all, nothing but an ignoramus.”
+
+“I am called Suetonius,” said he, who presented himself next.
+
+“Yes, this is Suetonius,” said the emperor Domitian, who was at his side;
+“this is that notorious forger, and compiler of histories and chronicles,
+who, after the example of other historians, being a partisan and a
+flatterer, speaks the truth from caprice, and lies from inclination.”
+
+“I!” said Suetonius; “I have said nothing that I cannot prove by
+indubitable evidence.  Is it not true, that upon the testimony of vile
+informers, you have taken from the living, the estates of the dead who
+were accused?  Is it not true that you have levied upon your subjects
+tributes so enormous, that they were forced to claim protection from a
+foreign power?  Is it not true that you have despoiled the Jews of their
+goods only because they were born Jews?  Is it then a crime to have been
+circumcised at birth and not to adore the gods of the Roman empire?  Is
+it not true that by your excessive expenses for theatres, and buildings,
+you have exhausted the purses of the Romans, and left to perish with
+hunger the bravest soldiers of the army?  To escape the consequences of a
+sedition, you committed horrible pillages, and thus paid your debts.
+Your pride and impiety are exhibited in these few words, extracted from
+one of your declarations: ‘_Your Lord_, _your God_,’ commands thus.”
+
+“What signifies that?” said Domitian: “Are not the emperors gods as well
+during their lives as after their death?  Were not Augustus and Cæsar
+adored in the empire?  I was as much a god at the time I willed it, as my
+predecessors have been gods after their death.  The divinity of men is
+nothing but a power superior to that of others, as the present divinity
+of Augustus is but a perfection above the virtues and qualities of living
+men.  But who, among men of sense, has ever believed that the gods were
+like men? or adored in the statue any thing more than the virtue of the
+original?  Who ever believed that the number of gods was equal to their
+names, their temples, or their statues?  No, no, Suetonius, you did not
+believe all this, and it is from perfidiousness that you have accused me
+of impiety for being called a god.”
+
+“And your unjust vexations,” replied Suetonius.
+
+“As it regards that,” said the emperor, “subjects who cannot penetrate
+the designs of their sovereigns always consider the tributes imposed upon
+them as unjust; but if enemies were about to inundate the kingdom; if the
+empire was menaced with approaching ruin; if there was danger of the
+pillage and sack of frontier cities, would not the prince have reason to
+take measures for the prevention of these disasters by a heavier levy,
+and a stronger assemblage of troops?  If I had apprized the Romans of
+these things, which I had learned by my spies, they would have been more
+likely to have risen against myself, than against the common enemy: so
+powerful is the voice of interest with the multitude!”
+
+Here Lucifer interrupted the emperor and ordered all the historians,
+historiographers, authors of journals, of memoirs and chronicles, to
+advance, to listen to their sentence.  “It is,” said he, “for the public
+interest, that mendacity should be punished in writers, as in those who
+speak falsely; but it is of equal interest that writers should be
+permitted to speak the truth, without flattery and without fear, to the
+end, that men by reading the history of their ancestors, may learn to
+become good, and detest the conduct of the unjust.  Although it is crime
+that brings us subjects, _we wish_, nevertheless, that it should be
+punished in our empire; and it is that which constitutes the justice of
+the torments they feel.  A prince flatters himself in vain with a fine
+and secret policy, if his subjects are rendered unhappy by the rules he
+has prescribed for their conduct; whatever colour he may take to cover
+his actions, and make them appear just, if they are not so in effect,
+which the event proves, he expects in vain the approbation, the esteem
+and love of his subjects.  The writer who undertakes a history ought to
+divest himself of the sentiments of both love and hatred; he ought to
+have no partiality for country, relations or friends; he is the sole
+judge of the affairs of which he treats, and the master of princes when
+he describes their actions.  Accordingly, _we ordain_, that Domitian and
+the other princes shall submit to the judgments of their historians; that
+the historians shall be punished for flatteries and lies; for the
+examination of which, we order them before the tribunals of conscience,
+to whom we delegate plenary authority for the decision of their cases;
+and as a judgment upon the geometricians, geographers, astronomers, and
+mathematicians, we condemn the one party to measure by minutes, seconds,
+and lines, the dimensions of all the provinces, kingdoms, and empires of
+the earth; and the others to be shut up in the planets upon which they
+have pretended to make observations, to the end that they may be
+instructed by their experience.  Furthermore we decree, that afterwards,
+the aforesaid geometricians, geographers, astronomers, and
+mathematicians, to be there punished for their foolish and rash
+opinions.”
+
+The audience having now lasted a considerable time, Lucifer commanded
+something to eat to be brought into the middle of the hall.  Forthwith
+there appeared a vast number of chirurgians, cooks of hell, with an
+almost equal number of apothecaries, having the title of confectioners to
+the devil.  They set forth a great table of gold, upon which they placed
+a vast quantity of silver plate: they informed me that this table and
+plate had been fabricated with the gold and silver stolen, and afterwards
+sold to the goldsmiths.  I have never any where seen such a quantity of
+linen: it proceeded from the thefts committed by linen dealers and washer
+women; for all that is stolen upon earth, goes into hell after the second
+or third generation of thieves.  They served for the first course a heap
+of tailors roasted upon the spit.  Lucifer is very fond of this meal; and
+the expression, “_may the devil swallow me_,” which the tailors often
+use, is not inappropriate; for he does swallow many; and the demons, his
+table companions, do the same: the subjects always having tastes similar
+to those of their masters, be they good or bad.  I inquired of one of the
+demons, why his infernal majesty devoured more tailors than cooks,
+sausage makers, butchers, peruquiers, in short, people of other trades.
+
+“It is,” said he, “for a very politic reason; for otherwise he would soon
+want subjects of any other description; those of other trades are by far
+the least in number, while the others are so plenty, that if we could eat
+them all in one day, the morrow would supply as many more: they arrive
+continually, in one eternal troop.  Sometimes in beholding them afar off,
+we imagine them to be entire armies, coming to besiege us: this trade is
+more useful in hell, than you would be apt to think: we send among the
+tailors, young devils without experience: their shops are so many
+academies for our youth.  If you had nice eyes, you might perceive more
+than fifty young demons in each tailor shop; some cut the cloth; others
+the list; these take away the superfluous pieces; those put them in the
+place they call the _street_; while some do nothing but open and shut the
+place they call the _eye_.  Some carry the cabbaged pieces to sell;
+others make complete suits out of the patterns cut from the cloth; in
+fine, there are many about the women, girls, and valets of the tailor, to
+assist them in stealing the cloth, or stretching the binding.  When these
+young devils have finished their diabolical apprenticeship, they are sent
+to the merchants.  In that station they abridge all the measures, and
+sometimes throw themselves into the scale, among the merchandise, to make
+it weigh more: if you could see all their tricks, you would be highly
+amused.”
+
+When this course was removed from the table, they served another of
+tailors, roasted upon the gridiron: after that, others, baked in pates,
+smothered in a pot, fried in a pan, and dressed in a hundred different
+ways, with this only difference, that those of each nation had a
+particular dressing.  The French tailors were spitted; the English,
+grilled; the Holland, fried; the Germans, smothered in a pot; the
+Italians, made into ragout; the Spanish, boiled, because they are
+ordinarily hard; the Polonese, in pates; the Hungarians, salad; the
+Turks, cooked in rice; the Greeks, in wine; the Arabians, dried in the
+sun; the Egyptians, with onion sauce; the Algerines, fried in lard; the
+Portuguese, preserved in sugar; the Danish, Swedish, and Muscovite, were
+almost all dressed in the same manner; that is to say, baked in brandy;
+the Tartar, boiled in horse grease; the Persian, fricaseed with gravy _de
+demon_; the Indians, baked in bananas; the Chinese, and all the
+islanders, were very much seasoned with spices and sugar; the Ethiopians,
+negroes of Fez, Morocco, and Guinea, were baked in black butter; and the
+Americans, in milk.
+
+“What an immense quantity of tailors,” said I to the demon who was near
+me; “your cooks must understand their business, to be able to compound so
+many dishes of viands, which differ no more the one from the other, than
+the bullocks of Spain from those of Ireland.”
+
+They served to Lucifer wine of the various publicans of the world.
+“Fie!” said I to the demon; “your master is hardly a connoisseur of
+wine.”
+
+“You are mistaken,” said he; “it is true, that this wine has been mixed
+with water, sugar, and spices; but the publicans are obliged to separate
+all these drugs, even the water which they ordinarily put in, from the
+rest, which remains pure, fair and clear; if the publicans did not do
+this, they would put them in the press, and draw from their veins all the
+wine they had themselves drank.”
+
+“How!” said I, “do you live upon nothing but human flesh?”
+
+“How should we live else?” answered he.  “Can we eat beef, mutton,
+partridges, fish, and beans?  These animals come not hither, but in
+smoke; and herbs will not grow in a place so hot.”
+
+“How can you say that animals come here in smoke?”
+
+“It is those the idolaters sacrifice to the prince of demons: this smoke
+penetrates even to this place, and is the only perfume agreeable to our
+sovereign; for as to the scented oils, powders, and pomatums, of which
+the men and women of the other life make use, Lucifer is so incommoded,
+that those who are thus scented, dare not approach his apartment.”
+
+“Egad!” said I, “Lucifer has then a smell keener than that of a hound.”
+
+“Yes: he has so fine a scent, that he instantly knows whether a girl has
+been cautious or not; whether she has been married, or not, and the exact
+number of times: and the other day there came here a _menette_, who made
+a profession of _menettisme_, wearing the habits, air, _et cetera_: she
+wanted to make every thing appear smooth, saying, that she had been sent
+here for having administered to herself the discipline, contrary to the
+direction of her directors: but the prince approaching her, perceived,
+and said immediately, that this habit, modest as it was, covered much
+indevotion, sacrilege, gallantry, and falsehood.  The young girl retired
+abashed; she had not imagined that any person could discover, under the
+exterior of such simplicity, what she had been guilty of, during her
+life; you see Lucifer has an exquisite nose.”
+
+“If he has,” said I, “the other senses in a similar perfection, he well
+merits the commandery of hell.”
+
+In the mean time, Lucifer, and the other lords, invited to his table,
+continued to eat with good appetite: besides the individuals of his
+council, there were a great number whom I heard designated by the names
+given to the gods of fable, such as Jupiter, Saturn, Apollo, Mercury: and
+to goddesses, such as Juno, Venus, Diana, Proserpina, and others; I
+should think there were at least fifty persons at table.  These gods and
+goddesses were men and women, like the others; and in reflecting upon
+that circumstance, I thought they were princesses and princes, whom the
+people had put in the place of gods.  But these ignorant people deceive
+themselves; for their gods, instead of being in heaven, are in hell.  The
+same thing often happens in the world; a particular person is looked upon
+as a man of honour, who is, in fact, worse than one whom they consider
+the most knavish; another as a good man, who, in truth, is one of the
+worst; they frequently speak of one as happy after death, whose lot, if
+they did but know it, is quite the contrary: this is the sentiment of
+saint Pere, who said, “they peopled heaven with the inhabitants of hell.”
+The dessert served up to this great demon, was very pleasant to behold:
+it consisted of hypocrites, bigots, and apostate monks, all preserved in
+sugar: in the middle of it was a country seat in sugar: one could
+perceive the chateau, with its fosses, garden, park, wood, closes,
+vineyards, fish-ponds, fountains, jets of water, mill, stables, and
+farms; the whole being executed in the most perfect symmetry of
+architecture.
+
+The demon observing my surprise, told me, the devil usually devoured
+goods unjustly acquired: “have you not,” said he, “heard it remarked,
+that property illy gotten, failed not _to go to the devil_?  It comes to
+us; for be it known to you, that what is lost in the world, falls down
+here.  You can find in our magazines things of every description: the
+entire shops of merchants, stores of grain and wine, tons of silver, an
+arsenal filled with arms, cabinets of jewellery and precious stones,
+tablets covered with antique medals, a kind of pantheon, filled with
+idols of gold, silver, and bronze, which you have no doubt seen at the
+houses of antiquaries: for the fruits of larcenies, spunging, and usury,
+always come straight to us.”
+
+After the desert, the Jews and Turks brought coffee, tea, chocolate,
+tobacco, aqua vitæ, liquors, and opium.  The lords drank of all, and
+Jupiter partook so freely of tobacco and brandy, that he became quite
+elevated: he began to sing a song in the Greek language, the substance of
+which was: “What a charming spectacle for the mighty Lucifer! the dead
+dispersed throughout this cavern, are to him delicious meats.  Subtle
+Love, and you gods of combat, theft, and drunkenness, contribute to
+content the taste and desires of our sovereign.  So long as one remains
+in Tartarus, he must not hope for any other pleasure; we must not think
+of objects to be procured in other places.”—While Jupiter repeated this
+song, Juno accompanied him, saying: “So long as one regains in Tartarus,
+he must not hope for any other pleasure.  Lovers, you enhance our joy,
+for death hath separated you for ever.”—In imitation of Jupiter and Juno,
+Mercury and Mars sang thus: “Yes, while one remains in Tartarus, he
+cannot hope for other pleasures.  The money which was our love, is lost
+for ever: we love it still, but despairing of enjoyment.”—Mars, with a
+voice of thunder, sang.  “Yes, when one is in Tartarus, he must not hope
+for other pleasures.  War, which was our delight, is no more for us, but
+a vain flourish: here one hears neither fife nor drum.”
+
+After this little concert, which amused Lucifer, he made them call the
+players upon instruments, who joined the gods and goddesses.  There was
+then heard the most frightful music: with the sound of violins and other
+instruments, which were played upon by those who had been musicians in
+the other world, there mingled a horrid noise of thunder, and raging
+wind, such as it produces when it rushes through a straight street, or
+groans, amid a wood of firs.  This noise was succeeded by another, like
+that which is heard at the eruption of Mount Vesuvius or Etna: my ear was
+struck with a bellowing, like that of the sea, when agitated by a furious
+tempest.  All these agents yielded to a choir of voices, that issued from
+the lowest depths: there was heard nothing but complaints, groans, cries,
+and howlings, similar to those of dogs, impatient of confinement.  I
+should have expired with fear, if I had not been previously warned, that
+this was the music which would divert the prince of hell.  Jupiter and
+Mars, in spite of their intrepidity, found this music so disagreeable,
+that they ceased singing, and signified their uneasiness to Lucifer.
+They then removed the table, and the service of plate; and the audience
+having been resumed, they began to call up cases of different states; and
+after having disposed of those pertaining to the people of justice, the
+sword, and the church, they cited the women of all conditions.  The
+beautiful Helen then appeared, who complained that at her return from the
+siege of Troy, she had been condemned to be hung by Polixo, her relation,
+at whose house, in the isle of Rhodes, she had taken refuge, Nisistratus
+and Megapontus having driven her from Greece.  She was asked if she had
+consented to be abducted by Paris; if she had accorded him the last
+favours before leaving Peloponessus; if she had granted the same to the
+king of Egypt, when his vessel touched at her country.  She answered
+ingenuously to these questions, that having been married by policy and
+force, to prince Menelaus, she had acquainted him that she did not love
+him.
+
+“Did you love,” said Lucifer, “the Trojan prince before marriage?”
+
+“I had not then seen him; but my heart was never for Menclaus; it was
+free when Paris came to Argos, and its first impression was in favour of
+this stranger prince.  Am I culpable for all the evils caused by the
+siege of Troy?  Furthermore, the Greeks ought not to complain of this
+abduction, as a breach of hospitality: some years before, they had taken
+away a Trojan lady; and in ancient times, had not Jupiter, of Grecian
+origin, stolen Europa, a young princess of Asia, from this part of the
+world, inhabited by Trojans?”
+
+Menelaus spoke after his wife, whose ingratitude and infidelity he
+exaggerated; he accused her of having poisoned him on the return from
+Troy.  “Why assassinate me, when she had the liberty to go to her
+relations?  Could I have done more to express my regret at her loss,
+after her elopement, than by building to her memory a temple, consecrated
+to Venus?”
+
+“You are a very clever man,” said Jupiter to Menelaus; “who told you that
+a husband could make his wife love him by caresses and services?  A woman
+who does not love her husband, takes all his cares for stratagems,
+invented by jealousy: she believes him false and wicked.  Accuse only
+your patience and weakness; and between ourselves who are dead, since the
+living cannot hear it, it is a very good joke, to make so much noise
+about the infidelity of a coquette:” and Jupiter sang a song, the burden
+of which was, that one was often very happy to be rid of his wife, as he
+then could enjoy the advantages of liberty.
+
+“Am I permitted to be as stoical as you are?” said Menelaus.  “One must
+have a great force of spirit, to vanquish a passion like that of love:
+how cruel, to love without return!  Ah! I now condemn myself: let Helen
+prosecute her quarrel with her relation Polixo, to which I am a
+stranger.”
+
+“Since this Grecian prince is voluntarily condemned,” said Lucifer, “I am
+about to pass sentence upon the husbands who have complained of their
+wives; and upon the wives who have complained of their husbands.”
+
+The judgment was couched in these words: “Since love is natural, and no
+one can dictate a woman’s will, and since neither the jealousy nor
+severity of a husband are of any avail, to compel a wife to conjugal
+fidelity, we order, that all husbands shall suffer the pain of foolish
+and indiscreet love, without having from that any pretence to restrain
+them; provided, however, that they may revenge themselves with chance
+intrigues, and contribute, by their patience and complaisance, to the
+ruin of their rivals.  We ordain, also, that women who complain of the
+amours of their husbands, shall be condemned to the torments of jealousy;
+with an equal permission to those ladies who are not beloved by their
+husbands, to receive the cares and attentions of their neighbours.
+Finally, we forbid the married of both sexes, to bring any more actions
+upon these subjects, and reject them, in advance, from court.  We command
+our demons, and principally Asmodeus, the demon of marriage, to bear in
+hand the execution of the present ordinance.  Given in hell, at the grand
+audience hall, to be signified to whom it may concern.—Signed, _Lucifer_,
+king of hell: and countersigned by my lord, the devil _Patiras_.”
+
+“Signor,” said Cleopatra, “this edict cannot prejudice my rights against
+Augustus, emperor of the Romans: his ambition prompted him to attach to
+his triumphal car the queen of the Egyptians: to save myself from this
+shame, I laid violent hands upon myself.  I demand that Augustus should
+be punished as guilty of my death.”
+
+“Am I responsible for your actions?” said Augustus.  “Who informed you
+that I should put this indignity upon you?  Cæsar had loved you; Pompey
+also, as I believe: that Antony did, no one can doubt.  The reputation of
+those charms by which you had subdued the conquerors of the world, had
+made such an impression upon my heart, that I would not only have made
+you its governor, but have re-established you upon the throne of your
+ancestors; but the timidity so natural to your sex, pride, and
+haughtiness, misled you: the poison you employed to produce death was so
+subtle, that I could never discover its nature.”
+
+“All! tyrant,” said Antony to Augustus, “you were not satisfied with
+having at the same time caused my death and the loss of my empire; but
+you must also effect the death of my spouse, whom I preferred to the
+throne.”
+
+“I deny that,” replied Augustus; “you abandoned the field of battle to
+follow Cleopatra; yourself commanded a servant to give the blow of death,
+to prevent falling into my hands; it was in conformity to your counsel
+that Cleopatra killed herself; great Lucifer, I am innocent of these
+things.”
+
+“We ordain,” said Lucifer, “that both parties should be delivered to
+their remorse of conscience; if they are not satisfied with this
+judgment, let them present themselves before Astarte, sovereign of women,
+to whom Venus and Pallas are associated, where their cases shall be more
+amply examined.”
+
+There came next a queen, accompanied by many women and girls, armed as
+soldiers: this was said to be the foundress of the kingdom of the
+Amazons.  To this troop, Zenobia, queen of Palmyra, Elizabeth, queen of
+England, and other princesses who had governed their states, joined
+themselves.  Amazonide, daughter of Samornas, (so they called the
+foundress of this female monarchy,) complained against Hercules that he
+had made some of her subjects captive: against Theseus, who had married
+one, when their army was defeated in Greece; against Achilles, who had
+put to death the princess Orythia, for having succoured the Trojans;
+against Alexander the Great, because, not content with the favours he had
+received from the queen Thalestris, he had put her kingdom under
+contribution; against the Ephesians, who, for their ingratitude towards
+the Amazons, who had founded their city, were themselves delivered to
+other masters: and thus in the same manner against many other princes and
+people.
+
+“Illustrious women,” said Lucifer, “a sex so fragile as yours, a monarchy
+so naturally given to tenderness, could not resist the force of men, nor
+get away from an empire so sweet as that of love.  You have wished to act
+contrary to your destiny: made to submit, you have desired to command;
+but women cannot reign but by submissions to the laws of love; that
+renders men completely amenable to the will of woman.  If men have done
+you wrong, accuse your own hearts; they have done the injury of which you
+complain.  A warrior, proud and gallant, is full of ardour for victory
+when a fair Amazon is the price of conquest; and on the other hand an
+Amazon fears to vanquish a young soldier whose amiable qualities have now
+disarmed her.  So we re-commit to yourselves the examination of those
+affairs you have brought to our tribunal: do yourselves the justice I
+should do, if I examined the matter with more care, and let all women be
+convinced, they have no greater enemies than their own hearts.”
+
+Zenobia then took the stand, and said to Lucifer, that her heart had
+never been master of her head: “I lost,” continued she, “my husband
+Odenatus, for whom I had the purest attachment: although he left me
+young, my subjects were willing to obey me.  During the thirty years of
+my government, I can now say, that I maintained my sway with as much
+mildness as wisdom.  When the thirty tyrants under Galienus divided the
+empire, I took possession of a province in Syria, that had formerly been
+separated, and united it to my kingdom.  Aurelian declared war against
+me, and having taken me captive, led me in chains behind his triumphal
+car.  In the endeavour to overcome the fidelity with which I preserved
+the memory of my spouse, and which was my sole consolation for the loss
+of my crown, he exiled me, under a specious pretext, into the Tybertine
+country; but he could not vanquish my constancy.  Spite and rage seized
+him; he put to death Herennianus and Timolaus, my two sons, whom I had
+myself brought up; I had given them an excellent education, and had
+taught them the Egyptian, Greek and Latin languages; it was for their
+use, that I had compiled an abridgment of the oriental history, and that
+of Alexandria.  What was my grief at seeing myself deprived of two
+children, who would have perpetuated my name, and honoured my blood upon
+the throne of Palmyra!  Let no one boast to me of the liberality of this
+prince towards his subjects: I am aware that he often distributed among
+them clothing, corn, wine and oil: but this virtue was tarnished by his
+avarice towards strangers.  Could he not be contented with the boundaries
+of the Roman empire, which was a world of itself, in which one could make
+voyages both by land and sea?  And why should I not accuse him of the
+murder of my two sons, since he even put to death the son of his sister?
+His cruel jealousy might well extend itself to the children of a queen
+whom he had ruined.  Justice, god of hell! do not suffer Zenobia to
+remain under the tyranny of this haughty emperor; for even here, he
+pretends to exercise it over me.  Does not death reduce to an equality
+monarchs and their subjects, conquerors and their slaves?  A
+distinguished Roman poet has said, ‘he knocks, without distinction, at
+the gates of palaces and huts.’  Lucifer, hell, remorse, eternity, do me
+justice for these grievous tyrannies.”
+
+“Speak Aurelian,” said Lucifer; “what prerogative do you pretend over
+this princess?”
+
+The emperor answered in this manner: “Aurelian, emperor of the Romans,
+pontifex maximus, consul, censor, augur, tribune of the people, supreme
+head of Germany, Parthia, Persia, Arabia, Scythia, and Africa, to
+Lucifer—”
+
+“Lay aside these vain titles,” said Belial, who sat near Lucifer: “could
+not the scurviest beggar who had traversed with his pack, for a living,
+the various countries of the globe, assume as many with as much
+propriety?”
+
+“I must then be but plain Aurelian?”
+
+“Yes, you are nothing else.”
+
+“I will not consent to it; and I had rather be condemned than not to
+affix my titles to the head of my defence.”
+
+This emperor having declined answering, Lucifer accorded to queen Zenobia
+what she had demanded.
+
+Elizabeth, queen of England, then came forward: she complained of the
+count of Essex, who slighted her affections at the time she was sought by
+all the princes of Europe.  Lucifer referred her to the tribunal of
+Astarte, where he had sent the Amazons.
+
+After her appeared Dido, queen of Carthage.  She testified great
+dissatisfaction at Virgil, who had represented her as enamoured with a
+man she had never seen.—Referred to the same tribunal.
+
+Sappho also was in court: she averred that there had never been any other
+Sappho than herself, who was born in the Island of Mitylene: had given
+her name to the sapphic poetry, and was the author of poems dedicated to
+her friend Phaon, one of which had been translated by Ovid.
+
+The other Sappho declared that she was the true, the only Sappho who had
+existed; that she was born at Erise, in the time of the elder Tarquin,
+king of Rome; that she had married Cersyla, of Andros, one of the
+ancestors of the muse Clio; and that she had composed poems of different
+kinds.  The claims of Sappho of Mitylene were then recognized, and the
+other forbidden to assume this name, or any work thereunto appertaining,
+because the property of a wife belonged to her husband: and according to
+the laws of all nations, her acts ought to appear in his name.
+
+Sappho having been confirmed in her rights, accused Phaon of coldness and
+ingratitude.  “When,” said she, “I had given him my heart, I was no more
+mistress of myself; I wished by my works to immortalize my love and his
+name: hard as the rocks of Parnassus, inflexible as the fiercest dog of
+Thessaly, impenetrable as the isthmus of Corinth, he disdained my flame;
+my verse made no impression upon him; weary of my love, he sought but to
+escape from me; insensible to my anguish, when I threw myself from the
+precipice of Leucadia, he manifested no sorrow.  O, rage!  O, fury of
+love! avenge my wrongs.”
+
+Lucifer ordained that Sappho should present her case before the goddess
+of females.
+
+Artemisa rehearsed all she had done to eternise the memory of her spouse:
+she repeated a hundred times the name of her dear Mausoleus, and demanded
+that he should be again restored to her, since she had died for love of
+him.
+
+The matron of Ephesus, who stood near her, began to laugh loudly, at the
+idea of a woman’s demanding her lost husband from hell.
+
+Both of them being adjudged fools, for contrary reasons, were remanded to
+their dungeons.
+
+Lucretia, a Roman lady, succeeded them; she demanded justice against
+Tarquin, who, by her violation, had been the cause of her death.
+Jupiter, who wished to amuse himself, asked her if she had made any
+resistance.
+
+“Yes,” said she.
+
+“What hindered you from stabbing Tarquin as he approached you?”
+
+“He was the stronger party, and would have killed me.”
+
+“Was he alone?”
+
+“Yes.”
+
+“Was there ever seen a man, who could, unassisted, force a woman to the
+gratification of his lust?  Why did you not rather suffer death, than
+permit him to consummate his enterprise?”
+
+“You are so importunate, that I must needs avow the truth: Collatinus, my
+husband, discovering my intrigues with the young prince, poinarded me,
+and then spread a false report, to advance the designs of Brutus and
+himself.  This Jupiter,” murmured she, retiring, very angry, “is an
+impertinent—he will not believe that any woman could be capable of so
+heroic an action as that attributed to me, and that they are all
+coquettes.”
+
+“Let all the women,” said Lucifer, “betake themselves to the tribunal
+established for them.”  He then gave orders for the approach of four
+princes, who craved audience: the first was Darius, who impleaded
+Alexander the Great: the second, Bajazet, who accused Tamerlane of
+robbery: the third, Constantine Paleologus, who reproached Mahomet with
+his cruelty and ambition; the fourth, Montezuma, king of Mexico, who
+complained against Fernandez Cortes, and the usurpation of the Spaniards.
+The three first replied, custom, and the laws of war: as to the last, he
+was listened to, more from curiosity than any intention to reinstate him
+in his possessions.
+
+Montezuma spake very nearly in these words: “I was formerly the
+legitimate and peaceful possessor of the Mexican states, which my fathers
+had enjoyed from the universal deluge, if not before; for there are
+people called _preadamites_, who maintain, that God created men in that
+part of the world called _America_, who did not descend from the first
+man born in Asia, and whom they called _Adam_.  The avarice and temerity
+of certain merchants, led them across the immense sea, which separates
+America from Europe; they represented themselves as persons, who, having
+been shipwrecked, had need of succour: we gave them firs, wood, and
+silver; we aided them to the extent of our power.  All these gifts, which
+ought to have served for the establishment of an honourable commerce and
+friendship, only inflamed their cupidity and avarice.  We were their
+friends; they made us their vassals, after having combatted us with arms,
+of which we were ignorant: mounted on horses of which we were horribly
+afraid, they put us to flight with the terrible noise of their cannon;
+having rallied, we assembled all our troops; they prevailed by the
+superiority of their arms; shutting us up in villages, they besieged,
+they massacred, they took us captive, and carried all before them, with
+fire and sword.  Regardless of royal majesty, which I held of God, they
+took my life.  If it is right to usurp the goods and estate of another,
+why do not subjects war against their sovereigns?  Why do not families
+seek the downfall of families?  Why do not the wicked and strong
+dominate, the one over the weak, and the other take away their goods?
+Natural right, which bestows every thing that hath no owner, was it upon
+the side of the king of Spain, or on mine, who had received the kingdom
+of Mexico, as an inheritance from my fathers?  The civil law, which
+maintains possession, and which protects legitimate proprietors, was it
+in favour of the king of Spain, or in mine?  The reason of all ages and
+countries accuse the Spaniards.  We learn in childhood, that we must not
+do to others, what we would not have them to do to us; Did I carry war
+into Spain?  Why then have they brought it to me, and that too, in a
+country where they had experienced the cares of hospitality, to destroy a
+prodigious number of men?  What horrible ingratitude! what frightful
+injustice! what atrocious cruelty!  Lucifer, be the avenger of one half
+the world: punish the Spaniards.”
+
+Fernandez Cortes excused himself on the score of orders from the king,
+his master: he confessed that reason, humanity, and justice, spake by the
+mouth of Montezuma; but he observed, that the conquests of the Spaniards
+had instructed the Indians in the knowledge of the true God.
+
+Upon that, Montezuma cried out, that the design of the Spaniards was not
+to eradicate idolatry in America, but solely to enrich Spain, at the
+expense of that part of the world; that this was so true, that in Mexico,
+the christian Spaniards and their slaves, did not compose more than one
+hundred thousandth part of the inhabitants.
+
+“What do you desire,” said Lucifer, “that I should do to the Spaniards?”
+
+“I do not demand,” said the prince, “to be reinstated in my dominions;
+some day, perhaps, one of my descendants, or some generous Indian, will
+deliver my country from the Spanish yoke; I wish only that the Indians
+who were killed in the conquest of Mexico, should have the liberty to
+roast upon spits, and eat their cruel enemies; and in this manner my
+nation shall be sufficiently revenged.”
+
+“We accord to Montezuma,” said Lucifer, “the Spaniards who conquered
+Mexico, with the exception of the tailors, whom we reserve for our own
+table.”
+
+After that came an abbot, who took the title of ten abbeys, besides
+priories, and eighteen cures.  “Behold,” said Lucifer, “an abbot, with as
+many titles as a Roman emperor: speak, of whom do you complain? had you
+not a sufficient income to live honourably in the world, according to
+your degree?  How have you employed your revenue?  Play, women, good
+cheer, horses, dogs, equipage, dress, and relations, have eaten it.  You
+demand, without doubt, justice against the authors of your ruin: I grant
+it amply and promptly.  For the mortification of your enemies, I
+surrender you to the troop of beggars who throng the avenues of my
+palace, and who would not have been damned, if, by alms which would have
+cost you but little, you had removed from them the necessity of becoming
+thieves and robbers: go, learn in hell to spend but little yourself.”
+
+The minettes, the bigots, and hypocrites, demanded audience.  “These are
+very pleasant people,” said Lucifer to Jupiter; “they will divert us.”
+
+“An Italian comic writer,” said one of them, “has burlesqued us, as if it
+was wrong to _seem_ honest men in the public eye.  When one has not the
+substance of virtue, is it reprehensible to set a good example?  It is
+true, that if our lives, hidden under this cloak, had been exposed, our
+hypocrisy and spurious piety would have been easily detected; but we
+injured no person, and if any one was scandalized by our example, it was
+for conscience sake.”
+
+The Italian writer, who happened to be present, and whom I had not before
+perceived, cried out, “satyrists of France and Italy, our cause is
+common.”
+
+Immediately there appeared a number of comic writers, ranged under their
+respective masters, among whom I saw, with pleasure, Juvenal, Terence,
+Plautus, Seneca the tragedian, and Greek, Latin, and French authors,
+ancient and modern.  The writer, behind whom they were ranged, decried
+the manners of his age, and exposed the wickedness of hypocrites, who,
+abusing all that is sacred in religion, to deceive men, dupe the simple,
+and gain an unmerited reputation.  Who would believe that a man was
+wicked enough to wish to deceive, at the same time, both God and man?
+This is what hypocrites do, when under the veil of divine love, and with
+an air of humility, more haughty than vanity itself, they conceal sensual
+affections, hatred of brethren, and a licentious life, unknown but to
+those who participate in it.—A woman wishes to hide from her husband an
+amorous intrigue; she is at her devotions in the morning, and in the
+evening still goes to a lecture, where she knows she shall see her
+friend.  Often the church itself is the theatre of a love scene—the
+preacher, a fine young man, whose manners are more fascinating than his
+discourse.  Frequently some broad-shouldered fellow sets at nought truth,
+chastity, continence, the money of husbands, and so forth.  Affairs of
+business are conducted on the same principle, as those of love.  “Who
+would believe that this devout man was a usurer: that he had possession,
+almost for nothing, of the meadow, the vineyard, and the house of a
+peasant!  Oh, this is a holy man! he is full of conscience; every day
+constantly at church, his piety is exemplary.  Behold the fate of a
+hypocrite: this knavery, is it any thing but a dead loss? for of what
+service is it to bigots to live in such uneasy constraint, if that does
+not procure them pleasure, property, or the gratification of their
+vanity?
+
+“And I,” said a woman, “can I be accused of hypocrisy?  My virtue, my
+science, my writings, do they not demonstrate the unfeignedness of my
+devotion?  Should I be spoken of in any other way than as Saint Therese?
+Have I not had, in that character, apparitions, visions, a spirit of
+prophecy, and a discernment into the heart and conscience?”
+
+“Contemplate, sirs,” said the satirist, “the people of the spirit, if
+such a thing is not above your comprehension.  What is this but to
+deceive the world by spiritual artifices?  What is this incomprehensible
+new grace?  What devotee but has possessed it; and what mystick but has
+held the same language?  Truly, madam, grace is very much obliged to you,
+and fanaticism owes you thanks; visionaries and lunaticks have gained
+their causes; the ancient heretics and comforters owe you a statue and a
+chapel.”
+
+Another woman said, “I have not had visions; but I have experienced
+realities: I have seen what I thought I saw; and if I had any devotion it
+was for my directors.  I had one whom I looked upon as my guardian angel;
+I had for him an extreme friendship; I made him presents and he never
+failed in any thing towards me; I saw him every day, and should have
+preferred deceiving my father rather than him.  Was he sick, I suffered
+also; and to solace him, sent meats, confections, fruits, and even money.
+I was so chagrined at his absence that I could not bear my own house; I
+became unquiet, impatient and melancholy; every thing vexed me.  His
+superiors having ordered his change, I almost expired with grief; I wrote
+to him by every mail; if I received not his letters, I felt new sorrow: a
+thousand phantoms presented themselves to my imagination.  I fancied him
+as bestowing his pains upon another object, and thought that absence and
+change of residence had altered his inclination.  He returned: what
+rapture!  I ran to his house, although in dishabille: on the morrow I was
+at his feet; each day of the week I go to recount to him my pleasures and
+pains.  In the mean time an honest man sought me in marriage; I consulted
+my director; he charged me to dismiss this man, who accordingly received
+his farewell.  Another brave cavalier offered himself and received the
+same answer.  Behold me now in my thirty-fifth year; my director exhorted
+me to consecrate to God my virginity: I retired to a monastery, but he
+was not willing that I should take the veil.  At length he died; I wept,
+I regretted him; I observed a nine days’ devotion for his death.  When my
+grief was assuaged, I reflected upon my age: the time of youth was past;
+I took the veil, contracted some amiable acquaintances, founded funeral
+obsequies for the repose of my soul, bequeathed my estate to the convent,
+and died.  This is my history; this is true devotion.”
+
+“And I,” said another menette, “had no such object to fix my imagination;
+I wore invariably a modest dress, my veil always drawn over my eyes, and
+sleeves to my very hands: I rose early in the morning to go to church,
+and was constantly seen at all devotional exercises; for me there was
+neither parties, assemblies, nor feasts: I did not attach myself to my
+confessor, although often at his grate.  In the mean time, I had some
+good friends, who went about preaching my virtue far and wide, and
+principally to those rich men whom they knew not to be fond of gallantry,
+and yet exceedingly fearful of what generally happens to men of their
+years after marriage.  Your affair is finished, say they to the marrying
+men; I have discovered a girl of superlative virtue, who knows not a
+single man in the world, and who is so unsophisticated with respect to
+love matters, that she does not even know the name of masculine garments;
+always engaged in her domestic duties; without luxury, without vanity,
+rich withal, and beloved of her father.  ‘This is a girl that will
+exactly suit me,’ said an opulent citizen with sixty years and the gout;
+‘I shall have a nurse for the remainder of my life; I will make her fine
+presents, and after my death she shall have the enjoyment of my estate.’
+In fine, they consulted me with regard to this man; I demanded time to
+determine; something unlucky might happen to my virtue; I asked light
+from above; heaven appeared favourable to this union.  See me then
+espoused; I play the innocent, the ingenuous: my husband, deceived,
+felicitates himself in my simplicity: all this time I secretly received
+the attentions of a handsome young man; the more I saw him, the stronger
+appeared my conjugal attachment.  Behold my history, and discreet
+devotion.”
+
+I saw still other menettes of different characters, who exposed the
+motives of their hypocrisy, and confessed that they had no other
+religion.  These are liars, for truly religious souls shun ostentation:
+true devotion is so considerate, that those who possess it endeavour to
+conceal it, to avoid being elevated in the opinion of the world.
+Christian humility flies the eulogies of men: their praise seems a
+dangerous enemy, which, in flattering, withdraws the heart from the right
+way; it refuses the recompense due to merit, and contents itself with
+affording that good example, which the honour of virtue and religion
+demand; all which, Jupiter, in a homily to the fanatics, set forth at
+large.  The following is the decree that was then read and published
+before this great audience, in presence of the demons and the damned.
+
+
+
+DECREE OF LUCIFER.
+
+
+“LUCIFER, to the legions of demons and damned people of hell,
+unhappiness, despair, eternal pains.  In order to the due execution of
+justice and vengeance entrusted to our hands, _we will_, _ordain_, and
+_command_, under the severest penalties:
+
+“First, that our demons be always present at the tribunals of the world,
+whether secular or canonical; that they take care of the account books of
+merchants; prevent soldiers from thinking of death; trouble the
+imagination of fanatics; inspire mundane sentiments in those who wish to
+enter holy orders, benefices, and monasteries; that they be the
+confidants of intrigues; that they repeat every day, to wives and
+daughters, what a lovely young man has said to them once only: in fine,
+let nothing be done in the world; let nothing be transacted in the shops,
+bureaus, academies, places of commerce, etc. at which they shall not be
+present; and we charge them to render an account to ourselves once a
+year.
+
+“Secondly, we ordain them reporters, flatterers, go-betweens, authors of
+discord, divisions and lawsuits, under pain of disobedience.
+
+“Thirdly, we order, also, in the matter which concerns those condemned to
+hell, that the judgments we have pronounced against them in their causes
+be put into immediate execution; that all those who have been condemned,
+whether individually or collectively, return to their cells, resume their
+irons, and there remain to all eternity, without hope of solace, or
+change in their sufferings.  Such is our will, and we make no distinction
+in favour of pagan gods and goddesses, whom we regard in the same light
+as other subjects of our empire.”
+
+                                * * * * *
+
+When Lucifer had spoken, his visage entirely changed; his eyes became
+sparkling like two flambeaus; his nostrils cast out smoke mixed with
+fire; his mouth exhaled an infectious odour; his hands and feet changed
+to claws; from behind him issued a long tail, upon the end of which was a
+great button of iron; his ears were horns like those of the rhinoceros:
+he spoke again, and his voice sounded like the crash of thunder.  This is
+the substance of what he uttered: “Let these places return to their
+former state; let darkness pervade the whole region; let the prisons shut
+with horrid sound upon all this infernal race; let rage and despair seize
+upon the damned; let a violent fire devour them; let the worm of remorse
+knaw without consuming, and let the habitude of torment afford no solace.
+Go, miserable wretches! obey! precipitate yourselves into these black
+retreats! suffer without expiation! and let my ears be sweetly flattered
+by the sound of your cries and chains!”
+
+When Lucifer had pronounced this terrible sentence my demon transported
+me out of the hall, and at the same instant I heard it and the whole
+palace sink with a horrid crash.  Those crushed among the ruins uttered
+the most lamentable cries: I then perceived an immense volume of smoke;
+after that I found myself in the midst of the field which is at the
+extremity of my garden, from whence I returned to my house, totally
+absorbed in the contemplation of this vision.—If the things here related
+did not actually pass in hell as I have supposed, the probability is,
+that the fact does not widely differ from the representation.  The
+judgments of Lucifer are there promptly executed, without notice to the
+culprit: cases are decided without advocates: no person is absolved, for
+innocence never enters places destined to eternal punishment.  The fire
+of hell exposes their perfidious designs, their passions and crimes; it
+reveals all secrets, and sets forth the reasons for which the guilty have
+been condemned.  The sight of suffering companions affords no relief; it
+rather augments their grief; contrary to which, in the world, egotism and
+corruption render them insensible to the sufferings of another.  The
+_reformation_ made by Lucifer operates invisibly in the commerce of men;
+the demons and our passions are the causes of the disorder and injustice
+that prevail in society.  Oh! if it was possible for each one really to
+behold what is here only imagined, how soon would they abandon their
+careless manner of life!  But ought we to be more wicked because we have
+less fear?  Let us think, let us think upon the other world; let us
+seriously reflect upon our latter end; if that offers us happiness and
+rapture, let us, by perseverance, endeavour to attain it; but if, on the
+contrary, we anticipate unhappiness and anguish, let us spare no pains to
+escape so direful a doom; let the aspect of hell contribute to the
+reformation of our manners, and be so impressed upon our minds as to be
+the means of our salvation from the greatest of all evils.
+
+                                * * * * *
+
+                                 THE END.
+
+
+
+
+***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VISIONS OF QUEVEDO***
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+<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=US-ASCII" />
+<title>The Visions of Quevedo, by Dom Francisco de Quevedo</title>
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+
+The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Visions of Quevedo, by Dom Francisco de
+Quevedo, Translated by William Elliot
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: The Visions of Quevedo
+
+
+Author: Dom Francisco de Quevedo
+
+
+
+Release Date: January 30, 2013  [eBook #41950]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VISIONS OF QUEVEDO***
+</pre>
+<p>Transcribed from the 1832 Literary Rooms edition by David
+Price, email ccx074@pglaf.org</p>
+<h1><span class="GutSmall">THE</span><br />
+VISIONS OF QUEVEDO.</h1>
+<p style="text-align: center">TRANSLATED FROM THE SPANISH.</p>
+<div class="gapspace">&nbsp;</div>
+<p style="text-align: center">BY WM. ELLIOT, ESQ.</p>
+<div class="gapshortline">&nbsp;</div>
+<p style="text-align: center">PHILADELPHIA:<br />
+LITERARY ROOMS, 121 CHESNUT STREET<br />
+HENRY H. PORTER, PROPRIETOR.</p>
+<div class="gapshortline">&nbsp;</div>
+<p style="text-align: center">1832.</p>
+<div class="gapspace">&nbsp;</div>
+<p><a name="page4"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 4</span>Entered
+according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1831, by <span
+class="smcap">Henry H. Porter</span>, in the Clerk&rsquo;s Office
+of the District Court, of the Eastern District of
+Pennsylvania.</p>
+<h2><a name="page5"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+5</span>PREFACE.</h2>
+<p><span class="smcap">The</span> Translator of the Visions of
+Quevedo, can truly say, that the pleasure he himself derived from
+their perusal in the original, alone gave him the idea of
+translating them into English.&nbsp; It is believed by the writer
+of this article, that the present is the only English translation
+of the Visions of Quevedo, although they have been translated
+into many other languages, and into French no fewer than five
+several times by as many different authors: the last of which,
+that has fallen under his notice, was published at Paris in 1812,
+the plan of which has been followed in the present version.&nbsp;
+The advertisement to that edition, contains the following just
+remarks&mdash;&ldquo;The <i>Visions</i>, are regarded as the most
+piquant production, that ever came from the fruitful and
+ingenious pen of Quevedo, one of the best Spanish writers.&nbsp;
+In general, the criticisms they present, although mixed with some
+tedious detail, have much point, and do not fail in their
+application at the present day.&rdquo;&nbsp; It is hoped the
+reader will condescend to excuse any inaccuracies that have
+escaped the translator&rsquo;s attention, and realize from the
+perusal entertainment sufficient to recompense him for his
+time.</p>
+<h2><a name="page6"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+6</span>CONTENTS.</h2>
+<table>
+<tr>
+<td><p>Notice of the Life of Quevedo</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page7">7</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>Night First . . . The Demon</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page11">11</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>Night Second . . . Death and her Palace</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page33">33</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>Night Third . . . The Last Judgment</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page56">56</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>Night Fourth . . . The Country and the Palace of Love</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page70">70</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>Night Fifth . . . The World</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page84">84</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>Night Sixth . . . Hell</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page101">101</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>Night Seventh . . . Reformation of Hell</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page146">146</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+</table>
+<h2><a name="page7"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 7</span>NOTICE
+<span class="GutSmall">OF THE</span> LIFE OF QUEVEDO.</h2>
+<p><span class="smcap">Fracois de Quevedo de Villegas</span>, a
+Spanish gentleman, and knight of the order of Saint James, was
+born in 1570, at Villa Nueva de l&rsquo;Infantado; and not at
+Madrid, as has been asserted by Moreri, and repeated after him in
+the <i>Historical Dictionary</i> of Lyons.&nbsp; He was lord of
+Juan Abbate, in the province of La Mancha, an estate of which he
+bore the title.&nbsp; After having visited Italy, France, and all
+Spain, and rendered the most signal services to the Spanish
+ministry, he took up his residence at Madrid.</p>
+<p>During his stay at court, he devoted himself to study and
+composition: being considered the most polished writer of his
+time, and one who united in himself the greatest versatility of
+talent.&nbsp; The taste of Quevedo naturally inclined him to
+fictitious composition.&nbsp; Endowed <a name="page8"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 8</span>with keen perceptions, a vivid
+imagination, and rapidity of invention, he is not indebted to the
+drudgery of research, and other men&rsquo;s thoughts for his
+immortal productions: depending solely upon his own resources, he
+was emphatically an original writer.</p>
+<p>The author of the <i>Spanish Library</i>, expresses himself of
+Quevedo, in the following terms: &ldquo;He knew how to reconcile
+the gravest studies with pleasantries and wit.&nbsp; His style is
+embellished with the ornaments of an adroitly managed
+application: he has so much finesse, such an immense fund of
+invention, of ideas as novel as ingenious&mdash;so much soft and
+delicate irony: he understands so well, whether in verse or
+prose, how to sketch with facility a pleasant or ridiculous
+subject, that among gay writers there is not one comparable to
+him.&nbsp; Nervous and sublime in heroic poetry, graceful in
+lyric verse, full of wit and gaiety in his sportive works, his
+genius illuminates the weakest subjects.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>His poetical effusions have been very much sought after.&nbsp;
+Nicholas Antonio, an excellent critic, says, also, that in the
+higher walks of poetry, he has force and sublimity.&nbsp; His
+luxuriant imagination carried him alternately to both sacred and
+profane verse.&nbsp; He wrote divers religious treatises, and
+many essays extremely <a name="page9"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 9</span>amusing, besides translations in verse
+and prose.&nbsp; He published, among other works, the <i>Spanish
+Panassus</i>, and the novel known by the name of the
+<i>Sharper</i>.</p>
+<p>His works have been published in four volumes folio, and in
+eleven volumes octavo.&nbsp; They comprise, under the title of
+<i>Dreams</i> or <i>Visions</i>, divers works of his, published
+at different times, in various places, and with different
+titles.</p>
+<p>Quevedo, in his old age, was very infirm; and, at an advanced
+period of his life, was imprisoned by order of Count
+d&rsquo;Olivarez, for a libel upon his administration, in which
+situation he remained till the death of the minister.&nbsp; He
+died at Villa Nueva de l&rsquo;Infantado, the place of his birth,
+on the eighth day of September, 1645.</p>
+<h2><a name="page11"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 11</span>FIRST
+NIGHT.<br />
+<span class="GutSmall">THE DEMON.</span></h2>
+<p><span class="smcap">The</span> prayers of the church being
+considered as the most efficacious remedies that can be employed
+against the possession of the devil, a malady almost invincible,
+some wealthy inhabitants of the country had brought into this
+city of Seville, one of their relations, who was thus afflicted,
+to confide his cure to a religious of renowned sanctity; or, in
+other words, for the purpose of having him exorcised.&nbsp; On
+the day assigned for this operation, the possessed was carried to
+the church of the Cordeliers, which very soon overflowed with
+spectators.&nbsp; The gates having been shut before my arrival, I
+engaged a religious of my acquaintance to admit me.&nbsp; He
+introduced me by the gate of <a name="page12"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 12</span>the monastery; but I had no sooner
+entered the church, than I had reason to repent my curiosity: I
+was hustled by the crowd, and overcome with the heat.&nbsp; There
+my regards were attracted by an unhappy wretch, of an ill figure,
+with wild eyes and dishevelled garments, his hands bound behind
+his back, and uttering from time to time the most frightful
+yells.&nbsp; There was much impatience testified to behold this
+holy priest, of whom I have spoken, whose name was <i>Juan de
+Cardanas</i>, father of Barnadino de Cardanas, Capuchin, and
+Bishop of Paragua, in America.&nbsp; After the performance of
+mass, he found himself so much indisposed, that they were obliged
+to postpone the exorcism till another day.&nbsp; I was not sorry;
+for, not partaking in the credulity of the people, who often
+impute epileptical complaints to the operation of demons, I had
+for a long time been desirous of personally verifying those
+things they relate concerning the possessions of the devil.&nbsp;
+I lost no time in visiting the relations of this unhappy person,
+whom I shrewdly suspected had recourse to this adroit method to
+rid <a name="page13"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+13</span>themselves of the inconvenience of certain pecadilloes
+he had been engaged in.&nbsp; I inspired them with sufficient
+confidence to obtain permission to visit their lodgings the
+following night, with a view of making such an examination as I
+should judge proper.&nbsp; I preferred this time to any other,
+that I might the better conceal the defeat of my enterprize if it
+should not succeed.</p>
+<p>The night being come, I was introduced into the chamber of the
+possessed whom they had placed upon a bed in such a manner that
+he could not rise.&nbsp; The presence of his friends prevented me
+from the proposition of certain questions I had meditated.&nbsp;
+The following will serve as a sample:</p>
+<p>Is it possible to find out the philosopher&rsquo;s stone?</p>
+<p>Can the quadrature of the circle be discovered?</p>
+<p>Is there an universal panacea for every disease?</p>
+<p>Is there among herbs, any simples which can inspire love in
+women, or protect from blows and wounds?</p>
+<p><a name="page14"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 14</span>I had
+put in writing some other objects of my curiosity; but as it was
+not a convenient time to propound them, I began to feel the pulse
+of the possessed.&nbsp; It was frequent and elevated: from time
+to time his eyes were troubled; and he had convulsive movements,
+from which he suffered very much.</p>
+<p>After having examined his body, I examined his mind, speaking
+to him in Greek, Hebrew, Turkish, Indian, and even in the Mexican
+tongue.&nbsp; He answered me always very appropriately in
+Spanish, which convinced me that he was in truth possessed with a
+devil; for although he spake not all languages, he nevertheless
+understood them, which could not naturally happen without study
+or travel.&nbsp; His relations assured me he had done neither the
+one nor the other.</p>
+<p>I demanded of the demon, what name he had in hell?</p>
+<p>He answered, &ldquo;that he had no other appellation than that
+of the employment which he exercised in the world: that he had
+been for a long time in the service of an alguazil, in whom he
+inspired all the chicanery and <a name="page15"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 15</span>wickedness with which he plagued poor
+people.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Let us remark here, that the word <i>alguazil</i> is borrowed
+from the Moresco tongue, and signifies in Spanish, a constable, a
+cryer, a clerk, or other subaltern of justice.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Why,&rdquo; said I to the demon, &ldquo;are you entered
+into the body of this man?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Because he was himself an alguazil, and a person of a
+licentious life.&nbsp; After having been banished from his
+paternal home, finding himself necessitous, he associated with
+alguazils to extort money, under pretence of executing the
+decrees of justice, and in the arrest of bodies, which he often
+abandoned for small sums.&nbsp; It was in the execution of this
+business, that he stole a silver cup from the house of a country
+curate, and subtracted a purse of one hundred ducats from the
+pocket of a man, who, for the stuff, was delivered from the hands
+of justice.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I asked him if there were many of these people in hell?</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Very many,&rdquo; answered he: &ldquo;the constables
+have neither honour nor conscience; <a name="page16"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 16</span>they drive their trade whether they
+know any thing of the matter or not: in that particular they
+resemble the poets.&nbsp; You shall scarcely find in hell, a
+single poet, who will not tell you that he was sent there on
+account of the versified lies he told in praise of some
+beauty.&nbsp; The poetic spirit hath its origin in the
+disposition of the heart, to receive tender impressions: it is
+the lover of heroism and romance; and to sustain this character,
+must necessarily make use of much artifice.&nbsp; The old poets
+serve as secretaries to young lovers; the young ones are
+ambitious of blazing as the heroes of their own
+compositions.&nbsp; There are so many poets in hell, that it can
+hardly fail of aggrandizing their quarter.&nbsp; I wish to speak
+in such a manner, that you may comprehend the nature of their
+occupations and torments there; but of which you cannot have an
+adequate idea, unless I shall here adduce some
+examples:&mdash;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;When these authors enter the subterranean abodes, they
+look around for a Charon, a dog Cerberus, a Rhadamanthus, a
+Pluto, and all the infernal divinities of fable.&nbsp; In <a
+name="page17"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 17</span>place of
+that, the demons make them realize, that this is a place much
+more horrible than that: but this is not their severest
+punishment; they are forced to hear the compositions of other
+poets, who are their superiors in talent; then they are tormented
+by jealousy; they hate the <i>epigrams</i> of Martial, the
+<i>stanzas</i> of Catullus, the <i>odes</i> of Horace, the
+<i>beauties</i> of Virgil, the <i>satires</i> of Juvenal, the
+<i>comedies</i> of Terence, and the <i>tragedies</i> of
+Seneca.&nbsp; It is thus also the historians suffer, when they
+listen to the histories of Herodotus, of Titus, Livy, of Sallust,
+and of C&aelig;sar.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;What a punishment for these rhymsters, when they
+recollect their own works!&nbsp; You cannot imagine the pain they
+experience, in finding a felicitous rhyme, a happy epithet, a
+just pause, or an harmonious cadence: they are more tormented by
+an <i>a</i> or an <i>e</i>, than Tantalus is by thirst, or the
+Italians are with their jealousy, when they have Frenchmen at
+their houses.&nbsp; And the comic poets, how are they punished,
+for having filched away the reputation of so many princesses and
+queens of Castile, of Leon, of Arragon, and other places!&nbsp;
+<a name="page18"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 18</span>This is as
+fertile a field for them, as all the wars of the Moors of
+Granada; but for these larcenies, they suffer sharper agonies as
+Christians, than will ever be inflicted upon the barbarians and
+Mohammedans, for all their battles and burnings, or upon the
+alguazils, even for their violences and exactions.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Behold, in review of the subject,&rdquo; said the
+demon, who spake by the mouth of the possessed, &ldquo;there is a
+much nearer resemblance between poets and alguazils, than one
+would, at a first glance, imagine.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;A fine comparison,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;for such a
+false spirit as you!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;How!&rdquo; answered he, &ldquo;are not poets and
+alguazils both thieves? and if you would but confess it, you well
+know, that in making these remarks of poets, I speak to a poet,
+whom I wish to undeceive.&nbsp; Do you not recollect the old
+Spanish proverb, <i>He who never composed two verses</i>, <i>had
+no wit</i>; <i>and he who produced four</i>, <i>was a
+fool</i>?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I confess,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;that to be a poet, one
+must have an original turn of imagination; and the same
+qualification is necessary to a painter: <a
+name="page19"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 19</span>one would
+find it very difficult to assume, without merit, the rank of
+Apelles and Michael Angelo: but as they cannot justly call these
+celebrated artists so generally admired, fools, so neither do I
+believe they can accuse of folly the great poets of Spain, of
+Italy, of France, of Turkey, of Persia, and of China: for in all
+these places they have made verses.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;and in all these places
+there are fools, alguazils, painters, astrologers, jealous or
+complaisant husbands, mountebanks, perfumers, plagiaries,
+triflers, and slaves of business or pleasure.&nbsp; All these,
+under pretext of pleasure or justice, steal, without compunction,
+the wealth of others.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Oh!&rdquo; said I to him, &ldquo;I now recognize in you
+a true demon; you delight to lie, and in crying out that all who
+serve the public rob them, you enhance their reputation.&nbsp;
+But tell me what robbery a magistrate commits, when he obeys, and
+wishes to compel others to obey, the laws of his prince? when, in
+fine, he distributes to every one justice?&nbsp; Without justice,
+which punishes and avenges, no one could enjoy security in his
+own house.&nbsp; A whole city <a name="page20"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 20</span>might be given up to pillage, and
+become more horrible than the hell you inhabit; a state of things
+which must excite a very just indignation among reasonable
+people; that is, among those who understand the principles of
+order, equity, and natural right.&nbsp; And what a picture would
+every family offer!&nbsp; Children opposing themselves to their
+fathers, and servants against their masters; brothers would make
+laws for brothers, and mothers have no authority over their
+daughters!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Behold,&rdquo; said the demon, &ldquo;a superb
+description of the disorder which would happen, if the gentlemen
+of justice did not make it their duty to become the first
+robbers!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Do you call the pecuniary penalties they impose,
+robbery?&rdquo; replied I.&nbsp; &ldquo;They are wisely
+established as a check upon avarice and usury, which are the ruin
+of families.&nbsp; The fines they impose are regarded sometimes
+as extortions; but they are not so; for if the community provided
+not for the necessities of all, do you believe that individuals
+would furnish of themselves, what is necessary for the republic?
+do you believe they would contribute <a name="page21"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 21</span>without a demand?&nbsp; There is not
+among the officers of government, so much cupidity and bad faith,
+as you charge them with.&nbsp; But answer me: without their
+assistance, their care, their vigilance, would there be any
+security to emperors, kings, popes, and bishops in their beds, or
+repose in their dignities?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I have not,&rdquo; said the demon, &ldquo;so bad a
+tongue as you believe.&nbsp; I know, truly, all the affairs of
+the world, and the state of every condition in republics.&nbsp;
+In accusing the most of mankind, I do them no injustice: and
+those evils which you say would happen, without the assistance of
+those who are appointed to execute the laws, happen in spite of
+their wisdom.&nbsp; The worst of it is, they are brought about by
+those very persons who are expected to prevent it, and who are
+paid for that object.&nbsp; Whence has it arisen that so many
+emperors have been killed, so many kings dethroned, so many popes
+declared anti-popes, so many bishops dismissed, so many
+magistrates suppressed, so many families ruined, so many cities
+pillaged, so many provinces reduced to famine?&nbsp; It is by the
+ministers of justice, by <a name="page22"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 22</span>the overseers of administrations,
+that all these things are done, either directly or indirectly:
+directly, with a view to profit by the disorder; or indirectly,
+from a culpable inertness.&nbsp; How do so many officers of the
+long robe contrive to live?&nbsp; They lengthen out their robes
+with the pieces they snatch from the officers of the short
+robes.&nbsp; A man who goes to law, may be compared to him who
+orders a coat: he will have a good coat, but yet not receive all
+the stuff he delivered to his tailor.&nbsp; He will take enough
+for two pair of sleeves, and two fore parts; he will take twice
+as many buttons, twice as much silk, binding, and lining, as is
+necessary for one garment; and you shall have but one, when you
+ought to have two out of the cloth you purchased.&nbsp; A Spanish
+grandee, wishing to have a coat in the French style, purchased as
+much cloth as the tailor demanded of him, whom he also left at
+liberty to take as much lining, assorted to the colour of the
+cloth.&nbsp; After they had taken his measure, he caused them to
+call the tailor, and told him that he desired the lining of one
+coat to be red, and that of the other yellow.</p>
+<p><a name="page23"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+23</span>&ldquo;&lsquo;How, my lord,&rsquo; said the tailor,
+&lsquo;do you wish me to make two coats, when you have given me
+stuff but for one?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;&lsquo;Yes; I do expect it,&rsquo; said the grandee;
+&lsquo;and if you do not make them both sufficiently large, I
+will put you in a safe place.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;The tailor, who feared the prison, made two garments as
+long and large as they ought to be, without purchasing another
+shred of cloth.&nbsp; When he brought them home, the lord caused
+all the stuff to be measured by an engineer, in his service; he
+found that it yet wanted half a quarter of an ell, besides the
+little pieces he was forced to cut out for the angles.&nbsp; This
+was not all; the Spanish grandee, whose name I can tell you,
+which was <i>Don Pedro de Saccaso</i>, wished that the master
+tailor should pay him for two garments, which he cabbaged out of
+stuff he had delivered him the preceding spring; and as the
+tailor cried out at this injustice, the grandee refused to pay
+him for the fashion, lining, and trimming of gold of these two
+last.&nbsp; Thus you will comprehend,&rdquo; observed the demon,
+&ldquo;in what particular the people charged with the <a
+name="page24"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+24</span>administration of justice resemble tailors, and in what
+manner they are unjust, even in rendering justice.&nbsp; In their
+suits they generally make certain pieces of meadow or vineyard
+the object of contention; and if the parties complain of want of
+money to pay their fees, they take from them that which they
+demand at their tribunal.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;So,&rdquo; said I to the demon, &ldquo;there is no
+justice upon earth!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;No, no, there is none,&rdquo; added he; &ldquo;and it
+is not to-day, that for the first time the complaint has been
+uttered.&nbsp; The fable says, that Astrea being come with truth
+among men, was obliged to return to heaven, because no person
+would receive her.&nbsp; Truth met with the same fate, after
+having wandered through the world, sometimes among the Egyptians,
+sometimes among the Greeks, sometimes among the Romans, and
+sometimes even among the Chinese; she was constrained, at length,
+to retire to the house of a poor mute, who yet, by false and
+equivocal signs, gave her to understand that he wished to get rid
+of her company.&nbsp; She then returned to the place from whence
+she <a name="page25"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+25</span>came.&nbsp; Justice perceiving they would not tolerate
+her in courts, among the abodes of princes, in palaces, or great
+cities, fled into the villages, where, however, she did not tarry
+a long-time; for the stewards of the lords, that is, those
+ignorant stewards who seek but to amass money with which to pay
+their charges, gave her chase, and forced her to regain her own
+country.&nbsp; The beauty of Astrea, or Justice, resembles that
+of the stars&mdash;shining, noble, and worthy of admiration; but
+this is only when beheld at a distance; for were you to approach
+too near to a star, although it appears to you so diminutive, it
+would consume you in an instant.&nbsp; Justice is fair, but she
+is proud, austere, rigid, inexorable, and no respecter of
+persons: she wishes to be sought and beloved, but she loves not
+one friend more than another; and like love, she travels a little
+in the rear.&nbsp; Is it possible to find any thing more exact,
+more faithful, more laborious, more submissive, more complaisant,
+than a violent love?&nbsp; It fails not in the minutest
+particular; it knows no concealment; nothing appears difficult to
+it; it is always <a name="page26"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+26</span>ready to obey, accounting no toil disagreeable; in the
+desire, to please, it finds every thing just as it wishes.&nbsp;
+Justice does the same in another sense, for she meets with
+exactness in the slightest circumstance: she is faithful in the
+least things; she is laborious, and fears no pain; she is
+submissive to the laws which she imposes; she is complaisant for
+herself, and even sometimes appears unjust, so impartial and
+rigorous is she.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I suppose then,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;there are many
+judges in hell, if what you say is correct, which seems to me
+very probable.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; replied the demon, &ldquo;they are there in
+great numbers, and we have put them in the same place with
+thieves and robbers.&nbsp; One circumstance that will surprise
+you, is, that their multitude is as considerable as that of the
+amorous; although they have among the former, only the men who
+were judges: and among the latter, men and women who have loved
+once at least in their lives.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;You wish to give me to understand,&rdquo; said I to
+him, &ldquo;that there are many lovers in hell; but can that
+be?&nbsp; If men were damned for <a name="page27"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 27</span>this passion, no person should be
+exempt from your infernal jurisdiction.&nbsp; But this passion
+hath one great advantage; it is conformable to the charity that
+men owe to one another, and is always accompanied with
+repentance, and certain remorse of conscience, when it departs
+from those who have been possessed.&nbsp; One sees young girls
+even, who repent of their faults.&nbsp; How many religions houses
+are founded by penitence! how many old coquettes give themselves
+up to devotion! how many men follow their example, after love has
+fled with beauty, constitution, and wealth!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;But,&rdquo; said the demon, &ldquo;how many men and
+women, young and old, die in their amours, and count you for
+nothing the despair, the chagrin, the secret pains under which so
+many lovers have succumbed?&nbsp; Know you not that some
+temperaments are so affected by this passion, that they quit it
+but with life?&nbsp; If I should relate to you the histories of
+both sexes perverted by the perusal of gallant adventures, and
+having no other desire in their souls but to experience the like;
+if I should <a name="page28"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+28</span>cause you to see the occupations of these people in
+hell, you would pity some, while you could not help laughing at
+the folly of others.&nbsp; You would see young men burning at the
+feet of their mistresses; and old ones, who, to please theirs,
+are continually shaving themselves, or plucking out their beard,
+and who put on bland perukes, to give themselves a youthful
+appearance; young girls, who imagine themselves to be Cleopatras,
+Artemisias, and Clelias; old coquettes, who paint themselves
+continually before their glass, who torment their locks,
+tightening the forehead-cloth to efface the wrinkles, and
+adjusting to the mouth artificial teeth of ivory or wax: but all
+their cases are lost, since there is nothing substantial in the
+other world.&nbsp; You would be astonished, if I were to point
+out to you all the girls who have taken certain means to hide the
+effects of their love sports.&nbsp; It would of necessity be
+seen, how many surgeons and physicians follow in their train; and
+if any one should inquire why these people are in hell, who have
+rendered such universal service, I answer, because they ought not
+to <a name="page29"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 29</span>afford
+assistance to every one.&nbsp; Can they, for instance,&rdquo;
+added he, &ldquo;conscientiously administer those remedies to
+cause hemorrhages, which end in abortion?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>And as I was about to observe, that the physicians could not
+be cognizant of a malady which they would not discover&mdash;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I understand you,&rdquo; interrupted the demon:
+&ldquo;be sure they know well enough, without that; at any rate,
+it is their duty to know, or to suspect.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;But,&rdquo; said I to him, &ldquo;is there not another
+secret you have omitted, of similar effect to the assistance of
+the physicians?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; he answered: &ldquo;there are the
+poisoners, sorcerers, and adroit women, who teach these
+mysteries; and there are some in hell who yet continue this
+infamous practice.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;You would have it understood,&rdquo; said I,
+&ldquo;that you are a good devil; a devil of honour and
+conscience: you would make a good preacher; the flock would
+doubtless edify by your sermons.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Be persuaded,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;that if I preach
+not agreeable things, I announce wholesome <a
+name="page30"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 30</span>truths:
+believe also, that I have many preachers dependent upon me.&nbsp;
+&lsquo;Who are they?&rsquo; you inquire.&nbsp; They are those who
+preach for their own glory, to establish a reputation, to acquire
+celebrity, to gain benefices, and levy contributions upon poor
+devotees.&nbsp; They commit wickedness in doing good to others;
+in teaching and edifying them.&nbsp; If we lose the hearers
+through the instrumentality of their discourses, we gain the
+pastors, which is more honourable to us.&nbsp; Finally, I declare
+to you, that it is by the order of God, that I speak to you
+before all these persons: I warn you, in particular, that you are
+lost, unless you abandon all the projects of ambition you have
+formed, and unless you renounce poetry, which is at the same time
+so agreeable and fatal.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Draw near,&rdquo; said he, to an old man, a relation of
+the possessed: &ldquo;restore the three farms you illegally
+detain.&nbsp; You, young man, imitate Hercules no more with your
+strength and intrigue; Hercules is dead; you may find men who
+will kill you.&mdash;You old judge of the village, you have a
+very delicate and perilous <a name="page31"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 31</span>charge: you were the valet of the
+lord of the domain; you have preserved in your new station, the
+spirit of servitude, which is not sympathetic with justice.&nbsp;
+The petition of your ancient master, you stupid wretch.&nbsp; The
+three peasants who have bound and strangled the helpless patient
+upon his bed, are those who enjoy the benefit.&nbsp; It is now
+six years since the farm-house of their master was consumed with
+fire: they ought to be punished for these crimes.&mdash;As to
+those young ladies, they would do well not to admit, for the
+future, the two strangers, whom they entertain every evening in
+their chambers, and whom they introduce by the garden.&nbsp;
+Profit, all of you, by what you have now heard: I shall speak to
+you no more, for to-morrow the priest comes to exorcise me, and I
+shall depart from the body of this subject, it being the will of
+God that I should go forth, to attest his power and the glory of
+his name.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The demon having finished this discourse, took pleasure in
+tormenting the possessed, and making him utter moving
+cries.&nbsp; I feared the neighbourhood would be alarmed, and <a
+name="page32"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 32</span>that some one
+would recognize me in a place where I could not be with
+honour.&nbsp; In returning to my house, I reflected upon the
+wisdom of God, who draweth good from evil, and causeth demons to
+speak as angels of light.&nbsp; The prophet hath also remarked,
+that divine Providence disposeth things in such a manner, that
+the hands of our enemies can conduce to our welfare.&nbsp; This
+is the first possessed I ever saw in the course of my life, and
+the first time I ever conversed with a demon.&nbsp; God grant
+that I may never behold another, neither in this world, nor in
+the world to come!</p>
+<h2><a name="page33"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 33</span>SECOND
+NIGHT<br />
+<span class="GutSmall">DEATH AND HER PALACE.</span></h2>
+<p><span class="smcap">There</span> are those who affirm that
+none but the wicked are subjected to unpleasant thoughts.&nbsp; I
+have been acquainted with many persons, but I could never find
+one who was not ready to confess, there were moments of sadness
+that invaded the soul, the cause of which they could not
+explain.&nbsp; These spring, sometimes from a vicious
+temperament: the humours mixing themselves with the blood, carry
+to the brain those spirits that trace upon the imagination
+frightful and whimsical figures, from whence come those
+disagreeable dreams and visions that surprise us in the
+night.&nbsp; Dreams proceed often from heaven, often from the
+devil, and frequently from natural causes; thus we have thoughts
+of death, after conversation on the subject, or having read a
+book that treated of it.&nbsp; To speak plainly, it seems that
+Providence sends us such dreams, for the purpose of forcing our
+attention to the consideration of those subjects we are generally
+<a name="page34"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 34</span>reluctant
+to reflect upon.&nbsp; Such is, without doubt, the origin of this
+I have had concerning death.</p>
+<p>I read one night before retiring, the verse of Lucretius, one
+of the most learned men, and best poets of antiquity.&nbsp; I
+found an eminently beautiful passage, where he says, that all
+nature, with one consent, elevating her voice, speaks thus to
+mankind:&mdash;&ldquo;Why, O mortals, do you groan for such a
+length of time, and why are you so sharply afflicted?&nbsp; Why
+do you submit to the slavery of flying from death, and the fear
+thereof?&nbsp; Why do you continually reflect upon the pleasures
+of youth?&nbsp; The enjoyments of this season have passed with
+the days you regret, as grain escapes from a sack, from whence it
+finds an issue.&nbsp; You are fatigued with the world; why do you
+not quit it, as one who returns satisfied from a feast, where the
+viands were exquisite, and the pleasure of the highest
+flavour?&nbsp; You are convicted of a strange folly: it is in
+your power to enjoy tranquillity; why not, then, seize upon
+possession?&nbsp; Why fear death, that will render you
+invulnerable?&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page35"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 35</span>Such
+are the sentiments of the poet, and they appear like those of a
+saint; but this is nature, or rather, natural reason, teaching us
+that death is not so frightful as we are apt to imagine; and I am
+not therefore surprised, that heathen philosophers have exhibited
+so constant an example of exalted morality.</p>
+<p>Likewise I remember what Job has said upon the brevity of
+human life, and the swift arrival of death.&nbsp; &ldquo;The life
+of man,&rdquo; says this illustrious patriarch, &ldquo;is of
+short duration: it is a flower, that before it is scarcely blown,
+is despoiled of its leaves: it is a shadow, which flies with the
+rapidity of the wind, without remaining stationary a single
+moment;&rdquo; and yet, in spite of its brevity, life is subject
+to so much calamity, that it is doubtful whether it should not
+rather be called misery, than life.</p>
+<p>Indulging in these grave meditations, I threw myself upon my
+bed, and slept.&nbsp; My spirit was free from external
+impressions.&nbsp; I thought there came into the places where my
+fancy had transported me, a great multitude of physicians,
+mounted upon mules, the housings of which, were clothes of the
+dead.&nbsp; In <a name="page36"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+36</span>the suit of these physicians, who had an air of sourness
+and chagrin, followed a crowd of apothecaries, surgeons, and
+young barbers, who carried the drugs or instruments pertaining to
+their professions.&nbsp; When the physicians had descended from
+their mules, they began to dance a ballet, to the sound of the
+mortars and sieves the apothecaries and their adjuncts played
+upon.&nbsp; This ballet was interspersed with songs, in which the
+physicians took the upper part; the words of one of them were as
+follows:&mdash;</p>
+<blockquote><p>&ldquo;Catholicum, rhubarbarae, opiata,
+theriaca,<br />
+Opoponach, O opium, O laudanum anodinum,<br />
+Polychrestum diureticum, senne anisatum.&rdquo;</p>
+</blockquote>
+<p>Two young physicians performed the air in these
+words:&mdash;</p>
+<blockquote><p>&ldquo;Recipe, recipe, recipe, recipe senne,<br />
+Dragmas duas, dragmas duas, dragmas duas,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Semi-dragmum rhei electac,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Scrupulum unum polychresti,<br />
+Infundantur, percolentur, hauriantur,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Hor&acirc; sext&acirc;
+matutin&acirc;,<br />
+Recipe, recipe, recipe, etc.&rdquo;</p>
+</blockquote>
+<p>Two surgeons answered to that, <i>seca</i>; <i>ure</i>; <a
+name="page37"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 37</span>that is to
+say, <i>cut</i>, <i>burn</i>; and directly both joined in
+chorus&mdash;these repeating <i>recipe</i>, the others
+<i>ure</i>, and the last dancing.</p>
+<p>This troop having sat, there entered another composed of
+newsmongers, and people who followed them to learn what was
+transacted abroad in England, France, Holland, Italy, and other
+places.&nbsp; After these entered solicitors, stewards of noble
+estates, soldiers, priests, and other persons whom I did not
+know.&nbsp; This cavalcade was terminated by a woman of monstrous
+stature, meagre, pale, and having a very extraordinary
+equipage.&nbsp; Her head dress consisted of crowns, tiaras,
+electoral bonnets, mitres, red and black hats, hats of straw,
+turbans, and bonnets of wool and silk: upon one side of the head,
+she had her hair curled and powdered; upon the other, shaven
+after the fashion of monks.&nbsp; Her robe was tissue of thread,
+wool, and silk, ornamented with trimmings of gold and silver,
+chaplets, precious stones, and pearls: she had upon her feet and
+legs, shoes of iron, wood, and leather: she bore upon a sceptre,
+a shepherd&rsquo;s crook, a scythe, and a great club: she <a
+name="page38"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 38</span>had one eye
+open, and the other shut; and carried, pendant from her neck, a
+sand box, with crosses of the order of Saint James, of the Holy
+Ghost, and the medals of other military orders: her gait was
+alternately slow, then quick and precipitate.&nbsp; She
+approached my bed, and said, &ldquo;Arise, Chevalier, follow
+me!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;But, before I follow thee,&rdquo; replied I,
+&ldquo;inform me who you are.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I am <i>Death</i>,&rdquo; answered she; &ldquo;follow
+me!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Is it your pleasure, then, that I should
+die?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;No, no! follow me, and leave behind thy garment; for a
+person is not to be clothed when he follows Death.&nbsp; I will
+show you my empire, and my subjects.&nbsp; I am the queen of
+queens, the empress of sovereigns, the sovereign of the human
+race; and the powers of earth are but my inspectors.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;How!&rdquo; exclaimed I, &ldquo;dare you to say the
+king of Spain is your inspector? he who possesses so many
+territories in the world?&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page39"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+39</span>&ldquo;Follow, follow,&rdquo; said Death; &ldquo;I will
+show you.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Immediately all those who were there, went out in the same
+order they had entered: Death following the rear of the
+procession, and I following Death.</p>
+<p>We traversed vast plains and deserts, which resembled
+cemeteries, or fields of battle, covered with dead.&nbsp;
+Directly I perceived, at a distance, an immense castle, built in
+the antique style; and when I had drawn near, I observed that the
+materials were nothing but bones cemented with blood and
+apothecaries&rsquo; drugs.&nbsp; The three porters in the court
+were very pleasant to the sight.&nbsp; The first resembled a
+harlequin assuming divers attitudes, and having upon his habits
+the figures of kingdoms and provinces of the earth; in such a
+fashion, indeed, that I seemed to look upon a geographical map:
+his name was the <i>World</i>.&nbsp; The second, who called
+himself the <i>Flesh</i>, was naked, like those figures of
+Priapus one sees upon medals.&nbsp; The third was armed, <i>cap a
+pie</i>, in gold and silver, like a curassier.&nbsp; They told me
+those three guards were the enemies <a name="page40"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 40</span>of the world, and the porters of
+Death.&nbsp; The pavement of the court was of human sculls, as
+well as that of the chambers: these sculls were arranged in such
+a manner, that they resembled a chess board; some being white,
+and others, having the hair upon them, appeared black.&nbsp; In
+the middle of this court was a fountain of tears: the figures
+about the basin, represented Uneasiness, Envy, Jealousy, Despair,
+Knavery, Sickness, Medicine, War, Revenge, and Love.&nbsp; The
+tapestries of the chambers were all upon particular
+subjects.&nbsp; One might see in one piece, people contracting
+marriage; in another, lawyers pleading a case; in this, merchants
+preparing for bankruptcy; in that, <i>honest</i> thieves upon the
+grand tour, stripping the peasantry.&nbsp; The others represented
+an ecclesiastic, who, dying in his bed, has, in his last moments,
+the satisfaction of seeing his house pillaged; a courier riding
+from Madrid to Rome, to solicit a benefice; a tiler falling from
+the roof of a house; a drunken sailor precipitating himself from
+his vessel into the sea; a house burning with such rapidity, that
+its master is consumed in <a name="page41"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 41</span>the flames; in fine, one might there
+perceive every species of human death.</p>
+<p>But none of these impressed me with so much horror, as the
+paintings in fresco under the grand portico.&nbsp; There were
+here servants who strangled their master to obtain his money;
+children who assassinated their father, to come more speedily
+into possession of his property; subjects who kill their king,
+after having pronounced his condemnation; a woman who poisons her
+husband; and a mistress who does the same to her lover, to
+revenge his infidelity.</p>
+<p>In the middle of this gallery, was a colossal figure,
+representing Ingratitude, and elevated upon a pedestal; the
+relief of which presented on the one side Cruelty, on the second
+Infidelity, on the third Interest, on the fourth Ambition.&nbsp;
+The base was ornamented with sculptural emblems of sporting
+cupids, satyrs, lions, and cats.</p>
+<p>After having traversed the whole extent of this apartment,
+Death entered into a grand and magnificent hall; the sable
+hangings of which were sown with white drops, like the <a
+name="page42"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 42</span>ornaments
+commonly seen on monuments in burying places.&nbsp; In this hall
+stood a throne composed of dead men&rsquo;s bones, and which
+appeared like ivory: four leg bones formed the supporters; two
+arms, with their hands, the arms of the seat; a spinal bone, with
+those of the thighs, composed the back part; the two pommels
+above were two sculls, and the seat was of other bones.&nbsp; It
+was ascended by four steps, the first of which was called
+<i>infancy</i>, the second <i>youth</i>, the third
+<i>manhood</i>, and the fourth <i>old age</i>.&nbsp; Death being
+seated, the whole medical corps ranged themselves on either side,
+the others being seated at their feet.</p>
+<p>Death spake for some time upon the limits of life, and of the
+grandeur of her empire: she finished her discourse by observing
+that there was but one way of coming into existence, but many
+ways of quitting it.&nbsp; She then gave a general order for the
+dead to appear, and all at once I saw them fall from the
+wainscot, and come from the walls and pavement.&nbsp;
+&ldquo;Speak,&rdquo; said the queen, &ldquo;each in
+turn.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The first who commenced, said, &ldquo;I am <a
+name="page43"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 43</span>Romulus,
+first king of Rome; my ministers not being able to tolerate my
+government, wished to change it; they caused me to be
+assassinated, and a report spread, that I had, in their presence,
+been translated to heaven.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I am,&rdquo; said another, &ldquo;C&aelig;sar, first
+emperor of the Romans: the senate caused me to perish by the hand
+of my adopted son.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>A third, &ldquo;I am the emperor Claudius, poisoned by my
+wife.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>A fourth, &ldquo;I am Alexander the great; I died in the very
+bosom of a debauch.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>A fifth, &ldquo;I am Codrus, king of the Athenians; I died for
+my country.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;And I,&rdquo; exclaimed a sixth, &ldquo;am <i>Charles
+the fifth</i>, whose bones my son exhumed, and burnt.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>In like manner appeared many of the illustrious dead, now
+confounded with all kinds of people.&nbsp; When they had spoken,
+they formed a great circle, in the midst of which I perceived a
+large bottle, from whence issued a voice, that said, &ldquo;I am
+that famous necromancer, the great magician of Europe.&nbsp; I
+caused myself to be cut in pieces by one of <a
+name="page44"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 44</span>my servants,
+and shut up in this vessel, expecting my members would re-unite,
+and my body be renewed in its pristine youth; I know not whether
+the secret was false, or if he neglected to follow strictly my
+orders; but after boiling a long time, I formed only a gross,
+misshapen, and lifeless mass.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;You then were of opinion,&rdquo; said death,
+&ldquo;that the soul was but a subtle fire; a flame that could
+animate your body, and repair itself!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; answered the necromancer.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Close the vessel again,&rdquo; said Death.</p>
+<p>When all the by-standers had been heard, they were required to
+put their names upon a great book; and while they were writing, I
+saw the bottle move towards me.&nbsp; The necromancer within
+immediately commenced a conversation with me; inquiring,
+&ldquo;who reigns in Spain?&nbsp; Does Venice yet exist?&nbsp;
+What is the news in France?&nbsp; Are the Calvinists constantly
+triumphant?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I answered him, &ldquo;Philip IV. reigns in Spain; Venice is
+still beautiful, rich, and <a name="page45"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 45</span>powerful: the Calvinists and their
+king are always invincible.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>He then besought me to break the bottle.&nbsp; As I hesitated,
+not being without certain qualms of fear, it swelled, and burst
+of itself.&nbsp; I then saw what it had contained expand into a
+human form, and rising up, resumed the discourse in this
+manner:&mdash;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;As it is impossible for me to return again into the
+world, place us henceforth among the dead magicians.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>In the place of the bottle, there appeared an old man with a
+great head and a long beard: he was of a grave mein, and held a
+globe in his hand.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I am,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;Nestradamus, that great
+French astrologer, who predicted, during my life, every thing
+that has since happened.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;How,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;are you he that composed
+those famous centuries, which, after death, were found in your
+tomb?&nbsp; Resolve me, I pray you, one of your prophecies now in
+my mind:&mdash;</p>
+<blockquote><p>&ldquo;&lsquo;The sign of Aries shall the world
+command;<br />
+Taurus shall rule the waves and solid land;<br />
+<a name="page46"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 46</span>Mother and
+sire the virgin shall deceive,<br />
+The mother&rsquo;s breasts the tender twins shall
+leave.&rsquo;&rdquo;</p>
+</blockquote>
+<p>&ldquo;That,&rdquo; said the astrologer, &ldquo;is as clear as
+the light of day; and signifies, that married men shall
+frequently resemble rams: the love of woman, represented by the
+bull, shall mingle itself with affairs of every kind; the
+daughter divert herself spite of the advice of her father, and
+the sons laugh at maternal expostulation.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;And this, what is its signification?&rdquo; demanded
+I:&mdash;</p>
+<blockquote><p>&ldquo;&lsquo;Mothers soon shall children bear,<br
+/>
+Who to name no sire shall dare;<br />
+None of all the babes they bear,<br />
+E&rsquo;er shall lack a father&rsquo;s care.&rsquo;&rdquo;</p>
+</blockquote>
+<p>&ldquo;That is equally easy of explanation.&nbsp; I wish to
+convey the idea, that many children shall call those fathers, who
+are not so; and shall have fathers whom they will never
+discover.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>He would have departed, after explaining these two prophecies;
+but I stopped him, entreating him only to tell me the meaning of
+this last:&mdash;</p>
+<blockquote><p><a name="page47"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+47</span>&ldquo;&lsquo;Before another year is born,<br />
+Many a goose quill shall be worn;<br />
+Many a quill the ether bear,<br />
+Many a man shall dance in air;<br />
+Men shall sorely rue the attack,<br />
+Of grey goose quill and Doctor Quack;<br />
+Merchants be in bankrupt plight,<br />
+Nobles turn to blackguards quite;<br />
+Province, city, town, and village,<br />
+Soon shall soldiers sack and pillage;<br />
+Lads and lasses soon shall try,<br />
+What darkness hides from every eye;<br />
+No more shall widows&rsquo; weeds endure;<br />
+The cloister virgins shall immure.&rsquo;&rdquo;</p>
+</blockquote>
+<p>&ldquo;That signifies,&rdquo; said Nostradamus, who was in
+haste to depart, &ldquo;that one half of the world shall pillage
+the other; the people of justice shall rob by their pen; false
+witnesses will support themselves by hanging upon their skirts;
+the physicians will kill with physic, and be well paid for it;
+the merchants thrive by bankruptcy; nobles shall be ruined by
+their stewards; the soldiers will lay all under contribution;
+children shall rob one another; widows contract new nuptials, and
+to enjoy the portions of their daughters, make <a
+name="page48"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 48</span>nuns of
+them.&nbsp; Let go!&rdquo;&mdash;and he hastily left me.</p>
+<p>I then perceived before me a good old man, of a very sad
+aspect, who demanded if I was dead?</p>
+<p>&ldquo;No,&rdquo; answered I; &ldquo;living, and at your
+service.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Good!&rdquo; said he; &ldquo;I expect a favour of
+you.&nbsp; You must know, I am called <i>They</i>.&nbsp; I also
+bear the appellation of <i>Somebody</i>, of <i>Another</i>, of a
+<i>certain Personage</i>, of <i>Author</i>, and of <i>I know
+who</i>.&nbsp; While I lived in the world, I was accused of
+having said and done every thing which could not be traced: if a
+false report was circulated, it was <i>they</i> who had broached
+it: if any one was found assassinated in the high way, it was
+<i>they</i> who had killed him: if there was a man with a bad
+face, this was <i>somebody</i>: if it was imprudent to name a
+person in an affair, they called him <i>a certain person</i>: if
+a writer advanced bold things, this was an <i>author</i>, who had
+spoken on the first impression: and, finally, when the author was
+entirely concealed, it was <i>I know who</i>, that had said or
+acted thus and <a name="page49"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+49</span>so.&nbsp; All this time I neither said nor did any
+thing; I appeared no where; I knew not what passed, and kept
+house both day and night; the chagrin of seeing myself in so bad
+repute, fairly put an end to my existence.&nbsp; I demand,
+therefore, of you, to vindicate me to your friends, and those
+persons over whom you have any influence, that they may not in
+future charge me with any thing; for, since I am dead, I can of
+course have nothing more to do with the world.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I promised the old gentleman I would remember what he desired,
+and he retired contented.&nbsp; At this moment a young woman
+coming up to me, fell upon my neck, exclaiming,</p>
+<p>&ldquo;My dear &AElig;neas, have you at length arrived!&nbsp;
+I have for a long time wished to see you.&nbsp; Virgil hath
+spoken very illy of you: he has published a history of our loves,
+which we knew nothing of: I have sought you among all the dead,
+without being able to find you; but I know, from your air, that
+you are &AElig;neas; for, as you have been the greatest and most
+illustrious of heroes, so here you surpass all the dead in
+demeanour and beauty.&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page50"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 50</span>As the
+surprise I felt at this unmerited compliment prevented answer,
+she continued to speak, and embraced me so vehemently, that I was
+compelled to cry out.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Peace, there!&rdquo; commanded the officer of the
+chamber, who was called <i>Silence</i>.</p>
+<p>I still continued to bawl out; and said to Madame Dido,
+&ldquo;O Queen of Carthage! will you not be undeceived?&nbsp; I
+am Don Francisco de Quevedo de Villegas, Chevalier of the order
+of Saint James!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Behold!&rdquo; replied the queen, &ldquo;behold this
+drunkard, who, being a Trojan, would fain pass himself off for a
+Spaniard!&nbsp; Go, pious &AElig;neas; Virgil hath done thee no
+great wrong in describing thee as thou art.&nbsp; Where is thy
+Palladium? thy nurse? thy son Ascanias? where are thy companions?
+why are you here without attendants?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Be not disquieted,&rdquo; said I: &ldquo;address
+yourself to Charon; he would know you as well as &AElig;neas, who
+abandoned you in Africa; that was a meet punishment for your
+prudery: but you have not yet been able to forget a man, who
+surrendered his native city to the <a name="page51"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 51</span>Greeks, and fled from his ruined
+country.&nbsp; You are a victim of love!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;And you,&rdquo; said she, retiring, &ldquo;are very
+credulous!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The officer again commanded silence, and before I had time to
+add any thing more, I saw approaching a dead person of great
+size, with horns upon his head, and who ran towards me as though
+he was going to strike with them.&nbsp; I stretched out my arms
+to defend myself, and perceiving near me a large fork, that
+supported the tapestry, I took it in my hand, and firmly awaited
+his onset.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Do you recognize,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;Don Diego
+Moreno, whom you have called in your poems Signor
+Cornuto?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; replied I; &ldquo;and to convince you, that
+I neither fear you, living nor dead, take in advance a blow with
+this fork;&rdquo; and at that endeavoured to run him through, but
+his bones were too hard.&nbsp; Moreno then gave me a blow with
+his head, and casting himself upon me, threw me down: I stuck to
+his sides, inserting my fingers into the openings beneath the
+sternum, and as he arose, came <a name="page52"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 52</span>up with him.&nbsp; This noise causing
+considerable confusion in the assembly, I saw coming upon me, a
+great number of the dead, armed in the same manner with Moreno;
+and as they pressed upon one another, each anxious to pass his
+neighbour, their bones made a very curious clicking.&nbsp; In the
+mean time, others marshalled themselves in front, to protect me
+from their assault.</p>
+<p>During these transactions, Death sat upon her throne in
+silence, attentive only to the inscription of her subjects names;
+and as the secretaries happened to finish at a moment when there
+was a slight cessation in our tumult, the officer
+cried&mdash;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Peace&mdash;listen!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I seized this occasion to demand justice of the queen.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I supplicate your sovereign majesty,&rdquo; said I,
+&ldquo;to do me justice on Diego Moreno, who has insulted me in
+this palace; striking me with his horns, knocking me down, and
+exciting against me the whole host of cuckolds.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;What defence do you make to this accusation,
+Moreno?&rdquo; asked the queen.</p>
+<p><a name="page53"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+53</span>&ldquo;Mighty and wan princess,&rdquo; replied he,
+&ldquo;behold the man who caused me to pass in the world as a
+Vulcan, or a faun: I have always lived pleasantly with my wife,
+never objecting to the French method, of receiving at her house
+priests, soldiers, lawyers, politicians, merchants, and strangers
+of every country.&nbsp; As the house had a great deal of good
+company, where nothing was wanting, although my wife was no
+expense to me, I found it very convenient; and because I profited
+by the follies of others, because I made that a part of my
+revenue, because I took advantage of my wife&rsquo;s friends, to
+amass an estate for my children, the chevalier Quevedo derided
+me, rendering me ridiculous by his poems, and representing me as
+the prince of accommodating husbands; he called me a ram, and
+made me one of the signs of the zodiac: not content with that, he
+even comes hither, and strikes me with a fork.&nbsp; I demand
+that he should be retained here, and that he be put in a
+situation during his slumbers, that will effectually prevent his
+waking.&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page54"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+54</span>&ldquo;Which of the two began the affray?&rdquo; said
+Death.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;It was I,&rdquo; answered Moreno.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;<i>We ordain</i> then, that the name and memory of
+Moreno shall never be forgotten in Spain; that his grave shall be
+opened, and his compatriots, if any yet exist, shall make a
+pilgrimage, to render homage to his ashes.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>After that, they called over the names of the dead; and as
+they were called, they answered <i>adsum</i>, &ldquo;I am
+here.&rdquo;&nbsp; Hearing my own name pronounced, which was also
+that of my uncle and god-father, I answered, as the others,
+<i>adsum</i>; at which mistake Moreno taking advantage to laugh
+at me, I hit him a heavy blow with my fist upon his head; but I
+hurt myself more than him, for I almost broke my fingers.&nbsp;
+Moreno cast himself upon me; I stood firm, and thus we were again
+engaged in a new combat.&nbsp; They endeavoured to separate us,
+but I had entangled my hands in such a manner, in the bones of
+his arms, that I could not withdraw them; and as they pulled me
+on one side, and him on the other, it gave me such exquisite
+pain, that I awoke, <a name="page55"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+55</span>happy and thankful to find myself in my bed.&nbsp; I
+reviewed in my mind all I had seen and heard, and which is here
+reported.</p>
+<p>This vision made such a forcible impression upon my
+imagination, that I yet seem to behold the palace of death, the
+audience of the dead, and Moreno pouncing upon me: finally, I
+made many reflections upon what I had seen.&nbsp; It is but too
+true, that all mankind must die; that we are surrounded with
+constant peril; that there is but one thing that can insure a
+tranquil death, and that is, a blameless life.&nbsp; But to live
+well, one must often think of death.&nbsp; I believe the dream I
+have just rehearsed, was inspired by heaven; for otherwise I
+should hardly have thought upon my latter end, not even when my
+life was peculiarly exposed amidst wars and battle.&nbsp; At
+present, I reflect without ceasing; I have totally abandoned
+trifling and poetry, which are synonymous; and, thanks to God,
+have more satisfaction in reading books of devotion, than
+romances and histories.</p>
+<h2><a name="page56"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 56</span>THIRD
+NIGHT.<br />
+<span class="GutSmall">THE LAST JUDGMENT.</span></h2>
+<p>I have read in Homer, that dreams come from Jupiter; and that
+this cannot be doubted, especially when they regard things of
+importance.&nbsp; I verily believe those of kings and princes
+proceed from on high: but I will substitute the true God in place
+of Jupiter, who is but a fabulous divinity.&nbsp; The vision I
+had last year, could not have been derived from any other than a
+heavenly source.&nbsp; Behold the events that passed: I was
+reading the book of the blessed Hypolitus, which treats of the
+end of the world, and of the coming of God, to judge the quick
+and the dead, the just and the unjust.&nbsp; I fell asleep over
+this book, sitting in a large easy chair.&nbsp; All at once, I
+thought I saw a noble young man, of extraordinary beauty, flying
+through the air, having at his mouth a trumpet, that sounded far
+and wide.&nbsp; When he had made five or six great circuits, I
+perceived soldiers starting from <a name="page57"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 57</span>their graves, full of courageous
+animation, thinking they heard the signal of battle.&nbsp; Upon
+the other hand, the misers started up, in terror, lest thieves
+had come to rob.&nbsp; The courtiers imagined that they enjoyed
+the agitations of the ring, or of a carousal.&nbsp; No one had
+the least idea that it announced the last judgment.&nbsp; I was
+strongly tempted to laugh at seeing the maimed, the one-eyed, the
+blind, seeking the one their arms or legs, and the other their
+eyes.&nbsp; I was equally amused, to perceive the clerks
+unwilling to resume their heads, the slanderers their tongues,
+and the old women their throats.</p>
+<p>After all these had come forth, and arrived in an immense and
+smooth valley, very proper for so grand a spectacle, I saw appear
+people of every art and trade; likewise the men of letters, among
+whose ranks there appeared a very considerable
+embarrassment.&nbsp; Each community placed itself separately;
+each religion had also its sectaries apart: such as Christians,
+Jews, Mahometans, Pagans, Heretics, and Schismatics.&nbsp; All
+the people being classed and placed, a judge presented <a
+name="page58"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 58</span>himself,
+accompanied by twelve counsellors, who seated themselves near his
+throne; beneath them were the prophets, in the capacity of
+advocates.&nbsp; Immediately a loud flourish of trumpets was
+heard, as if an army of cavalry approached, and legions of
+shining angels appeared, who poised themselves with their wings,
+above those men to whom they had been guardians.&nbsp; That done,
+the archangel Michael, came and placed himself at the foot of the
+throne, upon which the judge was seated, having in his hand a
+naked sword, and beneath his feet a prostrate devil, as he is
+represented in churches, and called the auditors each by his
+name.</p>
+<p>Adam answered first; he was accused by his demon, with having
+eaten an apple, contrary to the commands of his God; with having
+neglected the gifts he had received at his creation; with having
+cast the blame upon his wife; with having had a bad son, and of
+other faults which I do not distinctly remember.&nbsp; But I very
+well recollect, that these reproaches produced such confusion in
+him, that he could answer nothing: his good angel <a
+name="page59"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 59</span>answered for
+him; he confessed the matters of which his party was accused; he
+set forth the excess and duration of his penitence; the agonies
+he had suffered from the decree that involved his posterity, the
+goods which God had seen born of his sin; in fine, he pleaded
+with such ability, that his client was acquitted.</p>
+<p>When they called Judas, Herod, and Pilate, their crimes were
+so glaring, that they could neither defend themselves, nor would
+any angel speak in their favour; and they were accordingly
+condemned.&nbsp; After them, were examined the most noted
+heretics, and neither could they obtain pardon.</p>
+<p>Presently there appeared a number of pagan philosophers, among
+whom, I distinguished the seven sages of Greece, with Plato,
+Zeno, Socrates, Aristotle, and others: there were also Mercury,
+Trismegistus, an Egyptian, Sanconianthon, a Phenician, and
+Confucius, a Chinese.&nbsp; The majority of these avowed, that
+they had adored no other than the true God.&nbsp; The judge
+demanded, if they had given him all the glory, and rendered to <a
+name="page60"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 60</span>him all the
+honour that was his due.&nbsp; They answered nothing, and were
+not exculpated.</p>
+<p>The corps of artists next presented themselves: some of them
+were justified, but by far the greatest part were condemned for
+larcenies, frauds, surprises, and infidelities.</p>
+<p>The men of letters then had their turn: many of them were
+charged with having taught and written contrary to their real
+opinions.&nbsp; The poets made every one laugh, on asserting,
+that when they spoke of Jupiter, of gods and goddesses, they
+meant the true God, saints, and saintesses: that they had never
+seriously deified the king of Candia, nor the first king of
+Egypt, nor the queens of Cyprus and Sicily; that if these people
+had become idolaters, they ought to take the blame upon
+themselves.&nbsp; Virgil in particular, was examined very
+minutely upon that passage of his poems, where he invokes the
+Sicilian muses: he pretended to have spoken of the birth of the
+Messiah; but he was answered that he must then have been in the
+soul of the Son of Pollio.&nbsp; Orpheus was accused by the
+ladies of Thrace, <a name="page61"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+61</span>because he had taught men a love that did not concern
+them.</p>
+<p>The clerks, lawyers, and constables, applied to Saint <i>Ives
+de Chartres</i>, to plead their cause; but he refused, saying, he
+had never been a robber, but had always pursued the cause of
+truth and justice, and that they had not acted in that
+manner.&nbsp; The devils also accusing them of having often been
+corrupted by presents, and the solicitations of women; few among
+them escaped.</p>
+<p>After these, the physicians, surgeons, and apothecaries, were
+brought forward: they justified themselves by the authority of
+Hippocrates, Galen, and Paracelsus; but those whom they summoned,
+mocked at them, and their allegations.&nbsp; &ldquo;And who are
+they,&rdquo; demanded those eminent physicians, &ldquo;who have
+cited us, and presume to shelter themselves behind our
+example?&rdquo;&nbsp; The unhappy accused then sought the
+assistance of their two saints, <i>Come</i> and <i>Damiens</i>;
+but they refused to defend homicides, and judgment of
+condemnation was accordingly pronounced.</p>
+<p>As it is out of my power to follow all the <a
+name="page62"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 62</span>judgments in
+their order, I shall report only those that appeared most worthy
+of note.&nbsp; A fencing master, being unwilling to approach the
+bar, an angel extended his arm to seize him; but the master,
+throwing himself into an attitude, made a fanciful push towards
+the angel, telling him at the same time, that from such a thrust
+with the small sword, he would have received a mortal wound; that
+all those who had taken lessons of him, never failed to kill
+their man, and that he himself had always been victorious, till
+he met with his physician.&nbsp; At last, constrained by force,
+he was brought forward and convicted of all the homicides
+committed by his scholars, who, confident in their skill, had
+often sought quarrels, for the purpose of putting their theory in
+practice.&nbsp; For these offences it was decreed that he should
+go into hell in a perpendicular line.&nbsp; &ldquo;Zounds,&rdquo;
+said the master, &ldquo;I will go as I may, but not in a
+perpendicular line; I am not a mathematician.&rdquo;&nbsp;
+&ldquo;How,&rdquo; said the angel, &ldquo;do you wish to
+go?&rdquo;&nbsp; &ldquo;In making leaps backward before the mouth
+of hell.&rdquo;&nbsp; &ldquo;Not quite so much subtlety,&rdquo;
+said the devil; &ldquo;I will <a name="page63"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 63</span>make you obedient;&rdquo; and he
+carried him into the abyss, that was at the extremity of the
+valley.</p>
+<p>This man gave place to a great astrologer, whom his angel
+endeavoured to bring before the tribunal: he was loaded with
+almanacs, globes, spheres, astrolabes, compasses, quadrants,
+rules, and papers, filled with astronomical calculations.&nbsp;
+&ldquo;You are mistaken,&rdquo; said he to the angel; &ldquo;the
+last judgment has not yet arrived, because the constellation of
+Saturn, and that of fear, have not yet finished their courses; it
+ought not to arrive in less than twenty-four thousand years; for
+God hath not created the universe and the celestial globes, not
+to permit them to finish their journeys; and there is yet no
+appearance of an union of the sun and stars, to set fire to the
+world, as must necessarily happen at the last day.&nbsp; I
+appeal, then, in advance, against all other
+judgments.&rdquo;&nbsp; &ldquo;March,&rdquo; said the devil,
+&ldquo;or I shall carry you.&rdquo;&nbsp; &ldquo;Carry me,&rdquo;
+said the astronomer, &ldquo;into the kingdom of the moon; I will
+reward you well; I am curious to see those beautiful countries,
+we discover <a name="page64"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+64</span>with our telescopes; the countries of Galileo, of
+Copernicus, of Tycho Brahe, and other celebrated astronomers, who
+are gone to dwell in the moon, and who have bestowed their names
+upon those regions they inhabit.&rdquo;&nbsp; The discourse of
+this fool, did not prevent an accusation before the judge, of
+irreligion, superstition, and other vices which he could not
+dispute.</p>
+<p>I then saw an operator, who, imagining himself to be in a
+proper place for vending his drugs, praised the properties of his
+orrietan, and the virtues of his counter-poisons.&nbsp; When he
+came before his judges, he was desirous of trying some
+experiments, and demanded if he should use realgal, arsenic, or
+the blood of toads and spiders.&nbsp; The devil, who stood at his
+side, asked him if he had any fire ointment.&nbsp;
+&ldquo;How,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;are you in want?&rdquo;&nbsp;
+&ldquo;It is yourself that will soon need it,&rdquo; answered the
+devil; &ldquo;because you have cheated so many people with your
+lies and knaveries.&rdquo;&nbsp; He was confounded at this
+discourse, and was led away to hell.</p>
+<p><a name="page65"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 65</span>When
+they were close by, he said to the devil, &ldquo;I perceive the
+jest; you keep here the feast of Peter; I am not so much alarmed
+as you think: let us go, let us go,&rdquo; said he, entering into
+hell, &ldquo;let us go and see Don Peter.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>There then came a troop of tailors, the chief one of whom
+diverted me much: he had a pair of scissors in his hand, and a
+long slip of parchment, with which he took measure for
+garments.&nbsp; Perceiving me, he stepped up and proposed to make
+me a coat in the French fashion: I assured him that I had no need
+of such a garment; but he ran round me, insisting upon taking my
+measure.&nbsp; I observed that it was then no time to transact
+such business; that he was before his judge, and had better
+invoke his guardian angel: but the angel advised him to plead his
+own cause, as he could not conscientiously defend a case so
+obvious.&nbsp; &ldquo;Signor,&rdquo; answered the tailor,
+&ldquo;I engage to give you a suit every year, gratis; for it is
+doubtless for lack of tailors, that you angels go always
+naked.&rdquo;&nbsp; &ldquo;Without dispute;&rdquo; replied the
+angel, &ldquo;for there is not a single tailor in <a
+name="page66"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+66</span>heaven.&rdquo;&nbsp; &ldquo;Very well,&rdquo; resumed
+the tailor; &ldquo;I go then in person, to defend myself and
+brethren.&nbsp; We have never stolen more stuff than we could put
+into our eyes; we threw the useless pieces into the street; we
+have always measured the trimmings of gold and silver, after
+finishing the suit, and took no more than was absolutely
+necessary.&nbsp; As to the rest, our trade is one inculcating
+mercy; to clothe the naked, and furnish a defence from the cold;
+meritoriously following the gospel precept: thus have we acted,
+besides suffering patiently the prejudice the embroiderers have
+done us in making the habits of the church.&nbsp; I demand that
+Saint Martin, archbishop of Tours, who gave the moiety of his
+mantle to a poor beggar, should be heard in our
+behalf.&rdquo;&nbsp; &ldquo;Saint Martin,&rdquo; said one of the
+angels, &ldquo;hath never been the protector of tailors; and so
+far would he be from defending you, that he would condemn
+you.&rdquo;&nbsp; &ldquo;Ah! well,&rdquo; said the tailor,
+&ldquo;oblige us by being yourself our interlocutor.&rdquo;&nbsp;
+&ldquo;I consent,&rdquo; replied he, &ldquo;and will quickly
+expose the tricks of your trade: the tailors have in their shops
+<a name="page67"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 67</span>a private
+drawer, which they call <i>the eye</i>; and it is there they
+deposit what they steal.&nbsp; The under part of their table and
+its immediate neighbourhood, they call the <i>street</i>; and
+here they cast the superfluous stuffs: so when this master cheat
+asserted, he had never stolen more than might have been contained
+in his eye, or that he threw into the street the waste pieces of
+cloth, or stuff, it was equivalent to saying, that, he had never
+taken more than might be put into his drawer, or beneath his
+table.&nbsp; As to the trimmings of gold and silver, it is true,
+they are measured upon the garment, but then it is found after
+the chain of binding is cut, that it stretches very easily.&nbsp;
+When he said that his trade was merciful and charitable, he spoke
+the truth, if these are the attributes of thieves: but I demand,
+if, without pillaging cloth, they could ornament chambers with
+rich tapestry, build fine houses, give portions to their
+daughters, bear the extravagancies of their children, give
+sumptuous entertainments, and enjoy all the luxuries of
+life?&rdquo;&nbsp; &ldquo;No, no,&rdquo; simultaneously exclaimed
+the whole assembly.&nbsp; The corps of tailors <a
+name="page68"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 68</span>was
+accordingly condemned, and they were precipitated into the
+abyss.</p>
+<p>When all the judgments had been pronounced, the judge, his
+counsellors, the angels, and the elect, launched forth into the
+air, and ascended to heaven, amid an harmonious concert of
+trumpets, and other instruments.&nbsp; Those who remained in the
+valley, and had not been sent to hell, were in despair, because
+they were not able to follow the array of the blessed.&nbsp; When
+the celestial throng had wholly disappeared, a most horrid tumult
+ensued: the planets fell from their orbits, the mountains came
+together with dreadful washings, the earth gaped, and all who
+remained fell into the abyss, uttering such piercing shrieks that
+I was seized with terror.&nbsp; I awoke, and felt the most lively
+pleasure to find myself out of danger.&nbsp; I reflected
+afterwards upon the multitude of the guilty, and the small number
+adjudged innocent.&nbsp; Oh, how necessary it is, that all the
+living should experience a similar vision, that they might be
+witnesses of the disorder, of the despair, and torments of the
+damned.&nbsp; It would suffice also to exemplify <a
+name="page69"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 69</span>the piteous
+confusion, which can neither be expressed nor comprehended, that
+will not fail to happen at the last day.&nbsp; I am not now
+surprised that the Israelites, at the foot of Mount Sinai, could
+not endure the noise of the thunder that resounded from its
+summit.</p>
+<h2><a name="page70"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 70</span>FOURTH
+NIGHT.<br />
+<span class="GutSmall">THE COUNTRY AND THE PALACE OF
+LOVE.</span></h2>
+<p><span class="smcap">On</span> the fourth day of January, I had
+passed the evening in the company of some beautiful and amiable
+young ladies.&nbsp; Contrary to my usual custom of retiring at an
+early hour, I sat up late, amusing myself and trifling with these
+ladies, which brought to my imagination, during sleep, the most
+delightful images.&nbsp; I fancied I heard a voice, which recited
+these verses, borrowed by Virgil from Theocritus:</p>
+<blockquote><p>&ldquo;What phrensy, shepherd has thy soul
+possess&rsquo;d?<br />
+Thy vineyard lies half prun&rsquo;d, and half undress&rsquo;d,<br
+/>
+Quench, Corydon, thy long unanswered fire;<br />
+Mind what the common wants of life require.<br />
+On willow twigs employ thy weaving care;<br />
+And find an easier love, though not so fair.&rdquo;</p>
+</blockquote>
+<p>I am ignorant by what paths I was conducted, but I suddenly
+found myself in a most delightful country, such as the poets are
+wont to describe the isle of Cyprus and the gardens of Love; it
+was bordered by two little rivers, <a name="page71"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 71</span>one of which was sweet, and the other
+bitter water.&nbsp; These waters, conducted by a subterranean
+canal, united in a great basin of white marble, placed in the
+middle of a garden.&nbsp; After I had promenaded a little, to
+admire the beauty of the trees, and respire the perfume of the
+flowers, I entered into a long and magnificent walk, planted with
+citrons and oranges: upon each side were arbours, adorned
+interiorly with paintings and sculpture, and surrounded without
+by jessamines, laurels, honeysuckles, and other shrubs.&nbsp; At
+the extremity of this walk, there appeared, in perspective, a
+large and superb edifice, which was called the <i>Palace of
+Love</i>.&nbsp; The porticoes were of the Doric order: upon the
+pedestals, the bases, the columns, the cornices, the friezes, the
+architraves, and the chapters, were, in half relief, little
+cupids, who disported themselves in all sorts of gambols.&nbsp;
+There was written upon the gate in letters of gold upon a black
+ground, this inscription:&mdash;</p>
+<blockquote><p>&lsquo;Behold the palace of the happy,<br />
+The abode of lovers.&rsquo;</p>
+</blockquote>
+<p>The custody of the gate was committed to <a
+name="page72"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 72</span>a woman of a
+nymph like appearance: her name was Beauty.&nbsp; She was tall
+and well proportioned: her features were regular, and her whole
+appearance so seducing, that her name seemed to answer her
+description exactly.&nbsp; Her garments were magnificent, but
+their transparency permitted the sight of charms that eclipsed
+the light.&nbsp; The whiteness of the snow would have yielded to
+the whiteness of her bosom: in a word, she had about her that, I
+know not what, of enchantment, which no pencil could delineate,
+or language describe.&nbsp; She made me so gracious a salutation,
+that I was emboldened to request of her a conductor, to show me
+the apartments of the palace.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Address yourself,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;to the
+Introducer; he is lodged in this wing,&rdquo; motioning me with
+her right hand to the left side of the edifice.</p>
+<p>I thanked her, and went in quest of the Introducer, who was at
+the same time the Inspector of this smiling country.&nbsp; I
+perceived in him an old man with a long beard.&nbsp; He received
+me with great civility; and having signified to him my desire, he
+told me that he <a name="page73"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+73</span>would himself conduct me to the foot of the throne of
+the Queen.&nbsp; He girded upon his thigh instead of a sword,
+along sharp scythe.&nbsp; He took for a cravat, an hour-glass
+with golden sand; and for a hat, a bonnet of mercury with
+wings.&nbsp; To do me honour, he preceded me.&nbsp; We entered
+immediately into the apartment of the girls, which was separate
+from that of the women who have arrived at maturity.&nbsp; In
+perambulating these chambers, I saw all these girls singularly
+occupied: there were some who wept with jealousy against the
+widows; others were filled with inquietudes, not daring to avow
+the love with which the other sex had inspired them.&nbsp;
+&ldquo;My lover,&rdquo; said one, &ldquo;is extremely cold; he is
+too timid; O that the same privilege of declaring our
+inclinations was permitted to us, as to the other sex!&nbsp; I
+would speak a language to him, which he should
+respond.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Some of them read or wrote letters; they used a great deal of
+paper in that business; for in order to say that they would not,
+they destroyed, recommenced, destroyed again, and recomposed the
+same lines; they desired <a name="page74"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 74</span>that their words should have a double
+meaning, and that their lovers should understand that, which they
+had no intention of making them comprehend.&nbsp; Others, placed
+before their mirrors, studied their gestures, giving expression
+to their features, endeavouring to put grace into their smile,
+and gaiety into their laugh.&nbsp; Certain of them, plucked the
+hair from the chin and eye-brows; others applied plaster to their
+faces; many of them, to cause paleness and a more interesting
+appearance in the eyes of their lovers, ate plaster, jet,
+charcoal, and Spanish wax, contrary to the custom of the French,
+who diligently avoid those substances that can give them a yellow
+appearance, as saffron, pepper, salt, and every thing
+provocative.</p>
+<p>From this apartment, I passed into that of the married
+women.&nbsp; Some of them grieved at the jealousy of their
+husbands, and others at the avarice of theirs.&nbsp; There were
+those who caressed their spouses, that they might the more easily
+deceive them: there were others who concealed money from their
+knowledge, to purchase finery, or make presents to <a
+name="page75"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 75</span>their
+gallants: there were others who made vows, and projected
+pilgrimages, to the end that they might enjoy the company of
+those whom they could not otherwise see: and others, who spoke
+continually of the sweetness, of the handsome mein, and good
+proportions of their confessors.&nbsp; Some there were, who said
+that there could be no pleasure more consummate, than in
+revenging ones self upon ones husband; some, also, that the most
+insupportable torment to a married woman, was to be obliged to
+answer the caresses of a husband whom she did not love: many,
+that the pleasantest hour was that passed at the play with a
+gallant.&nbsp; There were those too among them, who had taken
+their waiting maids into confidence, and strove to engage them in
+their interests by every indulgence.</p>
+<p>Contiguous to this place, was a spacious pavilion where we
+found the widows.&nbsp; Some of this class affected austerity and
+modesty; but others gave themselves up to all sorts of
+folly.&nbsp; Many were exceedingly joyous, although they were in
+mourning: many were sad, because black did not become them; <a
+name="page76"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 76</span>many, on the
+contrary, judged that crape was their chiefest ornament, and that
+it served best to exhibit the brilliant whiteness of their
+complexion.&nbsp; The old widows wished to imitate the young,
+while these sought to improve their time to the best
+advantage.&nbsp; Those who exhibited the most lassitude, were
+generally young widows, who waited with impatience for the year
+of mourning to expire; but others spent their time cursing the
+memory of their husbands, who had prohibited second nuptials.</p>
+<p>I was soon weary of my visit to this apartment; folly and
+libertinism were not to my taste.&nbsp; My conductor perceiving
+it, took me by the arm, and said that he would show me the
+amorous devotees.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yet, for all that,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;love and
+devotion can hardly agree; however, let us see all.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Oh, ho,&rdquo; said Time; &ldquo;yes, true devotion;
+but know that it is as rare to see true devotees, as women
+without love: these same true devotees have at least those with
+whom they are not much upon their guard, and when they are not
+observed, cannot resist the seductions <a name="page77"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 77</span>of a handsome and assiduous cavalier:
+in default of that they take their confessor.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Thus conversing, we entered into the apartment of the
+devotees.&nbsp; Almost all prayed to God, either for the health
+or the return of a lover: many to be soon married, or to be
+always handsome, or for death to rid them of a rival.&nbsp; Some
+of these women performed their devotions while waiting for their
+gallants.</p>
+<p>As the character of these women had in it nothing agreeable to
+me, I besought my conductor to lead me to the abodes of the men;
+the more, because I would hear from thence a concert of
+instruments; he showed me the entrance into their quarter.&nbsp;
+I found in the first hall, a great number of fiddlers and pipers,
+who concerted a serenade for the following night.&nbsp; In the
+second, I saw men who made their toilets, and arrayed themselves
+in new garments, of the favourite colours of their
+mistresses.&nbsp; In the third, were those who prepared to send
+presents to their fair friends.&nbsp; In the fourth, were lovers
+who put themselves in attitudes to fight in duel with their
+rivals.&nbsp; In the fifth, they read novels, or made extracts <a
+name="page78"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 78</span>from
+them.&nbsp; In the sixth, were the old fellows who were mad for
+love.&nbsp; In the seventh, were young men sick, and who dared
+not disclose the causes of their indisposition.&nbsp; In the
+eighth, married men did that for their mistresses, which the
+wives did for their gallants.&nbsp; In the ninth, widowers
+imitated the actions of the widows.&nbsp; In the tenth, in fine,
+the gentlemen of the church showed themselves more amorous than
+the men of the world, because they are addicted to less general
+dissipation, and have fewer opportunities for the gratification
+of their inclinations.</p>
+<p>As I came out of this place, I heard a clock striking with a
+heavy sound, and reverberating throughout the palace.&nbsp;
+&ldquo;What is that?&rdquo; said I to Opportunity.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;That,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;marks the hour for private
+conversation and appointments; enter into this large hall; you
+shall soon see a great deal of the world: wait for me, until I
+shall return to conduct you out of the palace, for otherwise you
+will not be able to find your way.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I went into the hall, in which were a great <a
+name="page79"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 79</span>number of
+seats.&nbsp; The magnificence of the tapestry, which represented
+the fabulous metamorphoses, corresponded with the style of the
+edifice: at the extremity was a throne of ivory, silver, and
+gold, under a canopy enriched with pearls and precious
+stones.&nbsp; When the persons of both sexes had entered and sat,
+a woman of a strange figure, and clad in a very whimsical manner,
+placed herself upon the throne; they called her Passion.&nbsp;
+Another woman, whom they called Folly, sat near her, and spake as
+if she was the queen&rsquo;s chancellor.&nbsp; Forthwith this
+princess began to set forth the advantages that had been gained
+over the empire of Reason, who had been for a long time her
+enemy.&nbsp; While she was speaking, a stately dame named
+Jealousy, promenaded through every part of the hall: she inspired
+some with fear, and made others laugh; at length she came near
+me, and said&mdash;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;It is not without some purpose, you are here and
+separate from the rest; perhaps you are more
+fortunate.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I answered, that &ldquo;I found myself there without any
+particular design.&rdquo;&mdash;&ldquo;Excellent,&rdquo; <a
+name="page80"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 80</span>replied she,
+retiring; and from time to time she revisited the place where I
+was, to see if some girl did not come to join me.&nbsp; As I
+divined her thoughts, I strove to give her uneasiness; I affected
+to exhibit the same myself; I looked anxiously from one side to
+the other, as if I had expected some one.&nbsp; I remarked this
+woman made the same motions.</p>
+<p>When the queen had finished her discourse, many persons
+presented petitions, which were all forthwith granted.&nbsp;
+After that, the princess announced to all her votaries, that she
+granted them the propitious moment, and retired.&nbsp;
+Immediately each one presented his hand to his partner, and
+hastened from the hall.&nbsp; Some went into chambers, and others
+walked about.&nbsp; There was no one but Jealousy remaining in
+the chamber where I was; she promenaded about the hall,
+murmuring:&mdash;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I shall see,&rdquo; said she: &ldquo;I will watch; I
+will discover: I will hinder: I will talk: I shall not be
+inactive.&nbsp; Ah, good,&rdquo; cried she to me with vivacity;
+&ldquo;what do you do here? depart, I wish to close the
+gate.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>As I expected my guide, I was not willing <a
+name="page81"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 81</span>to go out,
+lest I might lose myself in this vast edifice.&nbsp; &ldquo;I
+wish to wait here for Opportunity,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;who
+ordered me to remain in this hall, till he should come to rejoin
+me.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Reckon not,&rdquo; replied she, &ldquo;upon this old
+dotard; he will not return; he is gone upon the stream, with the
+others: believe me; quit this place:&rdquo; and thus speaking,
+she took me by the shoulders, and thrust me out.</p>
+<p>I walked upon the garden terrace until I saw descend a silken
+ladder.&nbsp; I immediately thought that this was an invitation
+made to me, and thinking of nothing but the novelty of the
+adventure, I ascended.&nbsp; I entered by a window into a
+chamber, where I saw a man and a young girl sitting at table:
+they were both surprised at my presence, but especially the young
+cavalier, who remained immovable: presently recovering himself,
+and addressing himself to the lady:&mdash;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Ingrate, this is then the manner in which you betray
+me! you have then certainly two lovers, and perhaps
+fifty?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Me, sir!&rdquo; said she; &ldquo;I swear to you I know
+not this gentleman; assuredly he has <a name="page82"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 82</span>made a mistake, in taking my window
+for that of some other.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes, yes, he is deceived, but it is in these two
+particulars; that, in the first place, he thought me gone; and
+secondly, in taking my ladder, for that you are accustomed to
+hang out for his accommodation; but he shall repent
+it.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Immediately drawing his sword, and taking his dagger in the
+other hand, he would have stabbed his mistress.&nbsp; I also drew
+my sword, and put myself before the lady, to guard her from the
+blows of this madman: he dealt me several lunges, which I
+parried; I drove him to the window, and as he perceived himself
+hotly pressed, he sprang out, which gave me immense
+chagrin.&nbsp; The lady had left the chamber; I sought her in
+vain, and the agitation of this circumstance awoke me.</p>
+<p>I leave it to the consideration of the reader, if this vision
+is not a faithful image of profane love: this is the beauty that
+seduces us; this is the time we improve; this is the passion
+which governs us; this is the jealousy which torments us; this is
+the hour of temptation: <a name="page83"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 83</span>a rendezvous, a private conversation,
+a walk.&nbsp; This is that violent motion which leads to
+crime.&nbsp; I leave also to the reader, to make his own
+reflections upon the occupations of lovers, upon their desire of
+pleasure, upon their intrigues, upon their pains.&nbsp; I am
+persuaded that no one can have an idea upon the subject, without
+disapproving of the wanderings of love.&nbsp; It is not reason
+which rules in the palace I have traversed: for reason is an
+enemy whom they attack, whom they disarm, whom they put far from
+them, although she is but a kind friend, who never takes up arms
+but to succour us.</p>
+<h2><a name="page84"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 84</span>FIFTH
+NIGHT.<br />
+<span class="GutSmall">THE WORLD.</span></h2>
+<p><span class="smcap">If</span> a man of genius, or one only of
+ordinary discernment, could view the interior of the world, he
+would feel indignant at himself even for living with so much
+degradation; he could not prevent himself from pitying or
+despising those who are attached to it, and who allow themselves
+to be deceived by its seductions and artifices.&nbsp; There is
+hardly a person who speaks as he thinks; one never sees the
+intention of the actor; honesty and knavery have often an air of
+resemblance; truth and hypocrisy appear like sisters of the same
+father; civility and curiosity assume the same colours;
+friendship and interest are with difficulty distinguished.</p>
+<p>These reflections occurred to me while walking in my garden; I
+entered into a summer house, favourable for meditation, and
+inclined to slumber by the coolness of the shade, and the murmur
+of a neighbouring rill, fell <a name="page85"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 85</span>asleep.&nbsp; During my repose, I
+fancied myself in the midst of a great city, called
+Hypocrisy.&nbsp; They informed me that it was the capital of the
+internal world, and bore the same relation to it, that Rome did
+to the external world, in the time of the emperors.&nbsp; It was
+here the king of the internal world usually resided; he was
+called <i>Self Love</i>; and although he had this appellation,
+which is, for the most part, in rather bad odour, he was dear to
+his subjects, who made it their chiefest glory to imitate him,
+and had no other object than the honour of their sovereign.&nbsp;
+The two principal ministers of this king, were Interest and
+Ambition: the governor of the city was Pleasure.&nbsp; The guards
+of his majesty were designated by the names of other human
+passions; the gentlemen of his court were lackeys, well
+accoutred; the farmers of the revenue called themselves
+<i>ministers of finance</i>: the lawyers, <i>counsellors of the
+king</i>: the thieves, <i>judges of police</i>: the grooms of the
+stable, <i>equeries of the king</i>: the mountebanks,
+<i>physicians</i>: the bankers, <i>masters of accounts</i>: the
+clerks of the church, <i>abbots</i>: the clerks of the <a
+name="page86"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 86</span>palace,
+<i>secretaries</i>: the students, <i>doctors</i>.&nbsp; There,
+tailors wear velvet and gold lace; coblers are cordwainers to the
+king; gaming houses, academies: discreditable places, houses of
+good society: pimps, convenient people: coquettes, ladies of
+honour: women of pleasure, devotees: black girls, handsome
+brunettes: in fine, coquetry is friendship: usury, economy:
+deceit, wisdom, or prudence: malice, wit: cowardice, equanimity
+of temper: temerity, valour: parasites are amiable people:
+slanderers, free people: and in like manner of others; for in
+this country we perceive every thing to be contrary to that we
+see in the external world.</p>
+<p>As I promenaded the streets of this city, I met an old man,
+who inquired of me if I was a stranger.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes, I am,&rdquo; said I.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;That is very apparent, from the surprise you testify at
+the novelties of this city; but if you choose, I will show you
+things that will astonish you much more: come into my
+house.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Having accepted this courteous invitation, <a
+name="page87"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 87</span>he preceded
+me without ceremony, observing, that this was the custom in
+France.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Oh, signor,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;it is no more than
+justice, that you should be free in your own house; and I know
+that it is the French humour, not to accord precedence upon such
+occasions: because he who first enters, escapes closing the gate
+upon the inside.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>We found in the chamber of this old man, two young friars,
+preparing to go abroad.&nbsp; They assured us, they could not
+remain any longer, because their superior had ordered them to be
+present at a funeral procession, to get their wax taper, and
+customary gratuity.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;What admirable charity in these people,&rdquo; said I,
+&ldquo;who go to a funeral, not to pray, but to gain.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Soon after, hearing a chanting, we looked from the window to
+learn the cause.&nbsp; We saw a funeral procession, in which were
+arranged many priests and religious, with a long file of
+relations.&nbsp; It was a woman whom they carried to the grave;
+the husband was almost mad; and I said to my old friend,
+&ldquo;My God! this man is extremely afflicted!&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page88"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+88</span>&ldquo;Do you believe that?&rdquo; answered he:
+&ldquo;listen to what he says, when he arrives
+opposite.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>In fact, when he came near the house, I heard him say,
+&ldquo;I am not so very unhappy after all! she has wasted the
+half of my fortune: she has been sick in bed at my expense these
+last six months; and her obsequies will cost me a thousand
+crowns!&nbsp; Ah, Lord!&rdquo; cried he in a loud voice,
+&ldquo;why is she dead? and why did you not take me first? or
+rather, good Lord, why did you not take her before she had
+dissipated my money?&rdquo;&nbsp; At length, reverting to a more
+pleasant theme, &ldquo;I must,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;marry
+Lucilla: she having been a serving girl, will not be fond of
+ostentation; she knows nothing about luxuries, since she cannot
+even read.&nbsp; To be sure, being young and inexperienced, she
+made a misstep; but the remembrance of her fault will make her
+wary.&nbsp; Of the two maids my wife kept, I shall discharge one;
+so in three or four years I shall save the expense of this
+burial.&rdquo;&nbsp; &ldquo;I gain by this chance,&rdquo; said a
+relation of the deceased, who came next: &ldquo;I gain ten
+thousand <a name="page89"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+89</span>crowns, because she died intestate.&rdquo;&nbsp;
+&ldquo;This pest of a woman,&rdquo; said a maid servant who
+followed, &ldquo;never failed to take advantage of every
+opportunity, and yet entertained an extreme jealousy of my master
+and me.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Zounds!&rdquo; said I to the old man, &ldquo;these
+people are very sincere!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;The things you see here,&rdquo; observed he, &ldquo;are
+those which are concealed in the external world; but if now, you
+have any curiosity to know with what occupations widows beguile
+the time, after the death of their husbands, step with me a
+couple of paces and you shall see.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I directly consented; the object appearing well worth the
+trouble.&nbsp; There was at the distance of three or four doors
+from this chamber a grand apartment, the entrance of which was
+hung with black, and the stair-case covered with the same
+material.&nbsp; We went in, and after traversing a long hall,
+garnished in the same manner, entered into a little room, the
+tapestry of which was black velvet; the bed of beautiful red
+damask, covered with black crape, with silver fringe.&nbsp; In it
+reposed <a name="page90"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 90</span>a
+young lady of the most conspicuous loveliness, one of the fairest
+I have ever beheld.&nbsp; I offered her my condolences upon the
+death of her husband, whom my old friend had informed me was a
+gentleman of the sword, and a loyal subject of the
+king&mdash;<i>Self-love</i>.&nbsp; She answered, smiling in the
+most affable manner, that she was highly sensible of my
+politeness, and that she felt very happy that the death of her
+husband had procured her the pleasure of my acquaintance.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Oh!&rdquo; exclaimed I, to myself, &ldquo;what
+affliction! but let us examine a little farther.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I approached the bed, and sat down upon a sofa near by: we
+conversed upon many things indifferently, and at length came upon
+the adventures of young widows.&nbsp; At this period of the
+conversation, raising herself up to take her handkerchief, she
+exposed to my view, with a beautiful shoulder, a neck fairer than
+moonlight.&nbsp; Just as this sight had inspired me with love, I
+heard a man snore, who was upon the other side of the bed.&nbsp;
+She drew the curtain, and gave the gallant a slight cuff, saying,
+&ldquo;you are very impertinent <a name="page91"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 91</span>to sleep thus near a lady in
+bed.&rdquo;&nbsp; The other awaking, was going to revenge himself
+upon the lady for her slight buffet.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;No, no,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;do not; I should rather
+be punished myself.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Both of them then began to turn their raillery upon me.&nbsp;
+Perceiving this, I left the chamber, beckoning the old man to
+follow.&nbsp; I was greatly scandalized at such conduct, and my
+companion did nothing but laugh.&nbsp; What people you have here!
+amiable widows!</p>
+<p>Some hours afterwards, I accidentally met in the street, the
+beau whom I parted with at the widow&rsquo;s.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;It is thus,&rdquo; said this man, accosting me,
+&ldquo;that widows console themselves, and redeem the time they
+may have lost with a cross, jealous, or avaricious
+husband.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;You understand these matters well,&rdquo; answered I;
+&ldquo;and madam will soon forget her loss.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Conferring thus together, we became familiar: he was anxious
+to learn my name, and told me his own, which was Joy.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I am not astonished,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;the <a
+name="page92"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 92</span>beauty
+listened to you.&nbsp; A quarter of an hour spent in your
+society, will abundantly recompense her for the sad and weary
+years passed with a jealous spouse.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>When the old man saw us thus pleased with each other, he said
+he would leave me in the company of this honest person, and that
+he should expect me at his house to supper, after the play, to
+which we had determined to go.</p>
+<p>At the theatre we saw comedies about equivalent to our
+tragedies; and, in fact, of so close a resemblance, that one
+might almost fancy them the same.&nbsp; The story of the one I
+saw was this:&mdash;Two young persons met at the house of a
+mutual friend, to concert measures to gain the consent of their
+parents to their marriage: their degree was not equal; the girl
+was nobly born, and an heiress; the young man poor, and the son
+of a merchant.&nbsp; They both promised to put in requisition
+every possible method that could be devised, to vanquish the
+opposition of the old folks upon whom they depended.&nbsp; The
+young man said he would make himself an advocate, and <a
+name="page93"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 93</span>afterwards a
+counsellor in parliament; the expence of which he could easily
+defray in one year after his marriage, with the help of his
+wife&rsquo;s dowry.&nbsp; The girl, on her part, promised not to
+refuse him any token of affection; and agreeable to their plan,
+she was to inform her mother, that she was pregnant by <i>Signor
+Virodeno</i>; for thus was her lover called.&nbsp; In order to
+the furtherance of this design, they instigated their friend to
+pretend to betray them, and to apprise the parents of both
+parties of what was passing.&nbsp; The parents hastened to the
+spot; the lovers came promptly from the chamber; they both heaped
+reproaches upon their daughter, and as the mother was about to
+strike her, she declared herself pregnant.&nbsp; &ldquo;Unhappy
+wretch,&rdquo; exclaimed her mother, &ldquo;you will always be a
+grief to me; you will bring dishonour upon the family: I will
+strangle you on the spot.&rdquo;&nbsp; &ldquo;Stop,&rdquo; said
+her husband, &ldquo;you will only expose yourself to be hanged:
+we must think rather now to conceal this disgrace.&rdquo;&nbsp;
+&ldquo;No, no,&rdquo; said the mother; &ldquo;let me stab her to
+death with this knife.&rdquo;&nbsp; She would have <a
+name="page94"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 94</span>executed her
+resolution, had not her more discreet husband disarmed her,
+saying, &ldquo;recollect yourself, madam; you were in the same
+situation when I married you; and if your mother had killed you,
+you would not to-day have made all this uproar.&rdquo;&nbsp; But
+as she continued to give way to fresh paroxysms of indignation,
+her husband enforced his reasons with some wholesome
+correction.&nbsp; He subsequently conferred with the parents of
+the lover, who promised to do every thing for the advancement of
+their son, in consideration of the rank of the young lady&rsquo;s
+family, with whom they would not be at variance.&nbsp; The
+company then gave a loose to mirth; they found out the young
+couple were well matched; they busied themselves in preparations
+for the nuptials, and sent to apprise the young man, who had
+taken refuge at the house of the governor of the city.&nbsp; He
+came, accompanied by the proper officers; the marriage was
+celebrated; nothing was wanting at the feast, and they parted on
+the best of terms.&nbsp; All this scene was in such perfect
+keeping, that the young espoused were married <a
+name="page95"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 95</span>at the house
+of the maternal father-in-law, who himself did the honours of
+friendship.&nbsp; Thus they conclude marriages and other matters:
+so that there, one can see the minds of people, and the purpose
+of every man&rsquo;s action.</p>
+<p>At the palace it is the same; every thing is laid open; the
+advocates plead not, but <i>pro honorario</i>; the solicitors
+think of nothing but prolonging the suits by those incidents they
+themselves devise; and the judges, for the purpose of enhancing
+their fees, deliver a hundred judgments, when one would
+answer.&nbsp; As a specimen of their method, take the following
+decree:</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Having taken into consideration the petition of Signor
+<i>Thief</i>, solicitor to the lord <i>Stupid</i>, the court do
+order, that the parties have day in court, for the space of four
+years, that the fees may absorb the sum of three hundred pounds,
+which must be expended in this suit.&nbsp; Done at our court of
+the palace of <i>hypocrisy</i>, at the winter term of the current
+year.&nbsp; <i>Pecunia</i>, President.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>What I have related of the palace, is to exemplify <a
+name="page96"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 96</span>the spirit
+that reigns in this city; the same influence governs the court,
+the army, the treasury, and the theatre.&nbsp; There were in a
+box adjoining ours, at the latter place, two men, who discoursed
+concerning the sale of certain merchandize.&nbsp; The seller
+said, &ldquo;I wish you to give fifty thousand livres, for what
+cost me thirty; but I wish to make a thousand crowns
+profit.&rdquo;&nbsp; The other was not willing to give more than
+a hundred pistoles.&nbsp; At last they agreed upon the thousand
+crowns, upon condition that the seller, who was a steward, should
+give to the purchaser the titles to the rents of certain farms,
+without the knowledge of his lord, and upon which event the
+purchaser was also to give a feast.&nbsp; After the play, I went
+to seek my old friend; upon meeting him, he informed me that the
+king, <i>Self-love</i>, was fallen ill; and that on account of
+his indisposition, the whole city prepared to testify their
+gratitude.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;How,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;can you think of diversions,
+when the father of the country lies sick?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;it becomes us to rejoice;
+<a name="page97"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 97</span>it would
+be hypocrisy to do otherwise, when we have a prospect of changing
+our master.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;In the world of which I am an inhabitant,&rdquo;
+rejoined I, &ldquo;we feel the most lively sorrow, if our prince
+falls sick; and our religion commands us to offer up prayers for
+his health.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;And we,&rdquo; answered the good man, &ldquo;are taught
+to rejoice; for we have no other policy than interest, and to
+which your religion is opposed.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;If Self-love should die,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;you
+would perhaps be governed by a less popular king.&nbsp; Pleasure,
+who aspires to the crown, Interest, nor either of the other
+princes of the blood, would exercise a dominion so happy and
+sweet.&nbsp; These princes are naturally proud, cruel, and
+vindictive: in the place of which, Self-love is often, nay,
+almost always solicitous for the preservation of his
+subjects.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The conversation turned upon this topic, for some time.&nbsp;
+The old man, contrary to the usual spirit of aged people, was
+desirous that Pleasure should succeed to the throne.&nbsp; As for
+myself, I maintained that the nation would be less happy, under
+such a sway.&nbsp; After our <a name="page98"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 98</span>soup, he wanted to carry me to see
+the fireworks, and the ball the governor gave upon the
+occasion.&nbsp; I refused to go; these things seeming to me very
+ridiculous, on account of the cause that elicited them.&nbsp; The
+old man was much offended at my refusal; he told me that I was a
+sour, dissatisfied man, and an enemy to the general joy.&nbsp; I
+replied, that he was an old fool, and that if he molested me any
+more, I would throw him out of the window, and put his family to
+the sword.</p>
+<p>At this moment we heard the cry of fire in the house; and the
+common danger caused us to forego our quarrel.&nbsp; The uproar
+was caused by a servant girl, who, because her mistress refused,
+from some cause or other, to pay her wages, had set fire to the
+house, from motives of revenge.&nbsp; They pretended to
+extinguish it in a very curious manner, which was, by throwing on
+light stuffs, soaked in oil.&nbsp; I dreamt that a great sheet of
+flame suddenly enveloped me: I awoke on the instant, crying that
+I was in a house environed: and thinking the noise I heard came
+from the flame,&mdash;I cried, &ldquo;<i>fire</i>!&rdquo;&nbsp; A
+servant that was <a name="page99"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+99</span>seeking me in the garden, ran, upon hearing me, and told
+me that some one waited to see me.&nbsp; When I had finished my
+business with this person, my dream caused me much reflection;
+the more I thought upon it, the closer seemed the resemblance to
+what is taking place in the world: in fact, it is
+<i>Self-love</i> that reigns, and these are the passions that
+govern us; and whoever could see the heart and soul of men, would
+find them arrant hypocrites.&nbsp; The world itself is the city
+of Hypocrisy.&nbsp; It is in this city, that interest, ambition,
+pleasure, vengeance, anger, and all other evil passions conceal
+themselves.&nbsp; The more I examine, the more clearly these
+truths appear:&mdash;That whosoever could disabuse himself for a
+single moment, would be so, for the remainder of his life: and he
+who really desires to know himself and the world, would learn
+from observation, more than he has an idea of.&nbsp; The world
+is, of all things, the most difficult to understand, and that
+which one ought to know the best.&nbsp; There is no person who
+distrusts himself; consequently, there is no one who realizes,
+that it is deceptive, filled <a name="page100"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 100</span>with self-love, attached to its own
+interests, seeking its own gratifications, vain, unquiet,
+restless, presumptuous, vindictive, pure outwardly, criminal
+within, lovely and fair in appearance&mdash;deserving, at bottom,
+of hatred and contempt: and what is still more incomprehensible
+about this same world, is, there is hardly an individual who doth
+not love it; they lose by this love, and they know of a surety,
+that it is to this attachment they must attribute their losses:
+meanwhile, it pleases all: they seek after it; they wish to serve
+it; they abandon to it all which they hold most dear.&nbsp; Some
+sacrifice to it their honour for pleasure; others their lives for
+glory; and some surrender their repose for the poor ambition of
+fortune.&nbsp; But it was for us, the world was created; and that
+is really the victim one ought to sacrifice, to preserve his
+honour, to enjoy eternal pleasures, to acquire true glory, and
+amass treasures, that neither rust nor envy can
+spoil.&mdash;Think not, my dear reader, what I have here
+presented to you, a dream, a vision; it is more real than you
+imagine.</p>
+<h2><a name="page101"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+101</span>SIXTH NIGHT.<br />
+<span class="GutSmall">HELL.</span></h2>
+<p>I had been, during the autumn, at the country house of one of
+my friends.&nbsp; In the parish where he resided, that had not
+seen its bishop for thirty years, there had recently been settled
+a new curate, a fluent preacher, and very much devoted to the
+instruction of his flock&mdash;reading every Sunday homilies and
+sermons, and the greater and lesser catechisms.&nbsp; One day, I
+went to hear one of the familiar exhortations, which he usually
+gave to his people, concerning heaven and hell: he depicted the
+latter in such strong colours, that the whole audience were
+moved; and each whispered to himself, O frightful
+residence!&nbsp; Full of these ideas myself, I returned to sup at
+my entertainer&rsquo;s house.&nbsp; After quitting the table, I
+extended myself on a couch; and my friend, seeing me soon
+overcome with a pleasant slumber, for we had fared sumptuously,
+left me, to enjoy himself the same refreshment.&nbsp; <a
+name="page102"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 102</span>During
+sleep, I dreamed that I was at the outlet of an extensive forest,
+from whence diverged two roads, the one smooth and broad, the
+other rough, covered with stones and ditches, thorns, and thick
+entangled bushes.&nbsp; I pursued the first, in which I remarked
+many houses of pleasure, and multitudes of people, who travelled
+in carriages, on horseback, or on foot, at a moderate pace,
+without fatiguing themselves.&nbsp; One might see there, persons
+of all ages, sexes, conditions, and estates; one might find
+there, shops, magazines, taverns, play-houses, and societies of
+women; in fine, people of every country and religion.&nbsp; I was
+not surprised that many came from the narrow way into ours; but I
+was greatly so, at some who went from this fine road into the
+other, which caused me to inquire where it terminated: as to
+ours, I thought it led to Madrid.&nbsp; Some one answered, that
+the little way conducted to Paradise; and the one where I was,
+direct to Hell.&nbsp; I pursued my journey without making any
+other reflection.&nbsp; Having travelled about a quarter of a
+league, I began to perceive a bad odour, as of sulphur and
+bitumen, <a name="page103"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+103</span>and supposed it proceeded from baths of mineral waters,
+which diffused a strong scent at a great distance around.&nbsp; I
+advanced constantly, and arrived at last before a large edifice,
+which answered the description of Pluto&rsquo;s palace, as it is
+represented in fable.&nbsp; I found at the gate an immense devil,
+horrible to look upon.&nbsp; At this apparition, I stepped
+hastily back, two or three paces, and drew my sword, suspecting
+that some one was thus disguised, to do me an injury.&nbsp; The
+porter, perceiving my embarrassment, approached, telling me to
+fear nothing; for he was thus clothed, to deter the saints, who
+constantly endeavoured to abstract the damned from hell.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;It is then true, that this is hell,&rdquo; said I.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes, at your service: enter, enter, my lord, one had
+better come here living than dead.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I immediately walked in, and besought a devil whom I met, to
+show me the apartments of the palace: he called himself
+<i>Curiosity</i>; this was his appellation of war, or rather that
+of his employment; for as angels take theirs from their offices
+near God or men, so likewise demons are named, from the services
+<a name="page104"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 104</span>they
+execute, or the dignities with which they are invested.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;They denominate me <i>Curiosity</i>,&rdquo; said the
+demon, &ldquo;because it is I who inspire men with the desire of
+seeing, listening, proving, and tasting; and as it is curiosity
+that opens the door of sin, so it is I who open that of
+hell.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;You may conduct me there,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;on
+condition that you bring me back to the gate again, after I have
+examined it; and you will oblige me still farther, by leading me
+afterwards to paradise, which I would also visit.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;It is not I,&rdquo; replied Curiosity, &ldquo;who can
+conduct you thither, and open the door; the guide of the way is
+Retirement, the porter, Virtue; but I will show you every thing
+worthy of notice here, and reconduct you to the place from whence
+I take you.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Very well,&rdquo; said I, and followed him.</p>
+<p>We first entered into a spacious court, where the devils were
+scourging the unhappy, who cried, &ldquo;pardon, pardon, my
+God!&nbsp; I did not reflect&mdash;I did not believe&mdash;who
+told me of these things;&rdquo; and many other similar
+expostulations.</p>
+<p><a name="page105"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+105</span>&ldquo;These,&rdquo; observed the devil, &ldquo;are
+people, that have come to hell without thinking about it, without
+fear, and without believing it.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;They were then honest in their faith; but why punish
+those guilty only through ignorance?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The devil replied, &ldquo;they ought to think upon the matter,
+to instruct themselves, and be persuaded that hell is no place
+for mercy&mdash;so much the worse for them.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I passed from thence into a great chamber, where there were
+many men gaming, who swore and blasphemed because they had lost a
+little money, or played a bad card.&nbsp; &ldquo;Behold these
+people,&rdquo; said I to the devil, &ldquo;how impatient and
+hasty!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;That is the cause of their being here.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>In another room we found comedians, who mourned at their
+captivity, shut up for having made the world laugh.&nbsp; Said
+they; &ldquo;if by chance some equivocal words have impressed the
+spectators with evil thoughts, was it not rather their fault than
+ours?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Oh,&rdquo; said the devil to me, &ldquo;if they had
+done no more than that, they should <a name="page106"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 106</span>scarcely have come here; but think
+of their lost time, knaveries, and secret crimes!&nbsp; In the
+terrestrial paradise, a male and female comedian enacted a scene,
+that hath given to the devil the whole human race.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Ah! who had they for spectators when they were alone in
+the world?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;No, it is not the comedy which damns the players; it is
+what passes behind the scenes.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>In the following chamber were the physicians and their suit:
+they composed poisons for themselves; they took the doses when
+prepared; they bled and purged themselves, and tried every
+dangerous and disagreeable remedy in medicine, surgery, and
+chemistry, to procure death to themselves, and could not
+succeed.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;They once used their art,&rdquo; said the devil,
+&ldquo;for a bad purpose, and now their art fails them at their
+utmost need: do what they will, they cannot die, because the air
+of hell is a fire which purifies and conserves.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>In a cabinet near this chamber, were a number of persons
+endeavouring to make <a name="page107"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 107</span>gold, or to speak more plainly,
+sought to discover the philosopher&rsquo;s stone: among them I
+recognised Tarnesier, he who made the nail half gold and half
+iron, which is in the museum of the duke of Tuscany; also a duke
+of Saxony, and a duke of the Medici, who knew how to make gold
+during their lives, but forgot the secret when they came to
+hell.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Is, then, the making of gold so heinous a sin?&rdquo;
+inquired I of the devil.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;No,&rdquo; answered he, &ldquo;but it is a grievous
+offence not to know how to make it, and that is the reason these
+gentlemen are here.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;And the others,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;who never
+pretended to have made the discovery!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Oh, they have not passed off copper for gold, as these
+have done.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Let me see the devotees now,&rdquo; said I to my
+conductor; &ldquo;they are a species of humanity that will divert
+me.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;You are right; these are the fools of hell; it will be
+more instinctive to look at them than those of this
+apartment.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>As we repassed the chambers we had visited, I heard some one
+exclaim, &ldquo;Look <a name="page108"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 108</span>at this poor devil, who knows not
+where to bestow himself; Curiosity is seeking a lodging for
+him.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Signor,&rdquo; said one of them to me, &ldquo;remain
+here, with the devil&rsquo;s permission, if you cannot be
+accommodated elsewhere.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I passed by without answer, not wishing to hold any
+intercourse with the damned.&nbsp; I found in this place monks
+and devotees who had hated one another so rancorously, that they
+had abused the most holy things of religion, and wasted the time
+of the church in giving vent to their malice, and afterwards
+would excuse their conduct in terms not used in the world but to
+express the most moral, sacred, and holy actions.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Ah, what hypocrites,&rdquo; said the devil; &ldquo;it
+would have been better for them, if they had delivered themselves
+openly to those pleasures, they concealed under the appearances
+which deceive the vulgar.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>In another part they were praying after this
+fashion:&mdash;&ldquo;Lord, let my father soon taste the joys of
+Paradise, that I may take possession of his
+estate.&rdquo;&mdash;&ldquo;Lord, take speedily <a
+name="page109"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 109</span>my uncle to
+thy bosom, that I may have his
+benefice.&rdquo;&mdash;&ldquo;Great saint, make me fortunate at
+play; disdain not my prayer; grant that my children may contract
+opulent marriages, and prosper in the
+world.&rdquo;&mdash;&ldquo;Let my daughter espouse the noble
+Spaniard.&rdquo;&mdash;They uttered other supplications fully as
+extravagant, and added promises and vows.&mdash;&ldquo;I will
+give a hundred crowns to the poor, ornaments to my church, a
+dowry to six unhappy orphans, two wax tapers, and a chaplet of
+flowers to our lady.&rdquo;&mdash;&ldquo;I will wear a dark
+coloured habit,&rdquo; said one girl; &ldquo;and I a
+white,&rdquo; said another.&nbsp; The first replies, &ldquo;I am
+brunette, the violet suits my complexion;&rdquo; the second,
+&ldquo;I am red, the white becomes me best.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Next to this apartment was that of women and girls who had
+been lovers, and whose number was very considerable.&nbsp; As the
+history of their folly was similar, I felt unwilling to listen to
+it, but traversed their chamber without stopping, and entered
+into the quarter of the poets, to have the satisfaction of
+beholding the great geniuses of antiquity.&nbsp; There <a
+name="page110"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 110</span>I was much
+surprised to find Homer, sitting in the midst of the Grecian
+poets, and reading his own <i>Iliad</i>, he who had been so blind
+during his life.&nbsp; I was tempted to ask him some questions
+respecting his works, and had an idea he would reply in
+verse.&nbsp; With this view I walked round the circle that was
+formed, and spoke in these terms to the prince of
+poets:&mdash;&ldquo;O, illustrious Homer! light of the universe!
+author of the most sublime fictions! the beauty and price of thy
+writings surpass the grandeur of the king of Spain, the wisdom of
+Charlemagne, the abundance of Ceres, the girdle of the Graces,
+the tenderness of Venus, the delicacies of Bacchus, the
+brightness of Aurora, the height of heaven, the depth of hell,
+the vastidity of the ocean, and the variety of the world, a
+Spaniard who wants neither spirit nor courage, of Quevedo,
+demands of thee if the victory thou hast attributed to the Greeks
+before Troy truly belongs to them; and if Paris, that tender
+lover, actually in vain took so much trouble to carry off their
+chaste Helen.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Homer, rubbing his eyes, answered me <a
+name="page111"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+111</span>thus:&mdash;&ldquo;Here there must needs be sincerity
+and truth; for we pay dearly for the boldness and obloquy, that
+weak mortals admire: our torments are eternal.&nbsp; I never was
+in Ionia: I passed my life in Greece; to honour this nation I
+sacked Troy; a city strong, rich, fortunate, and always
+victorious, and that was finally destroyed by an
+earthquake.&nbsp; Helen, to whom I have accorded the honours of
+fidelity, was the least scrupulous of all our frail
+damsels.&nbsp; Leave me to relent over what hath charmed all the
+poets of the world.&nbsp; Go from this place, and tell mortals
+you found me reading, against my inclination, those works that
+have attained the universal suffrage.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>His discourse affected me.&nbsp; I pitied this old man, who
+wept upon reading his poems; but I reflected that he had invented
+all those fabulous incidents, to which both pagans and Christians
+are equally attached.&nbsp; Homer, this genius who knew how to
+assume so many changes, had he need to endow with heavenly
+powers, those brave men whom he sent to the siege of Troy? he
+might have created heroes, without making them gods: to be <a
+name="page112"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 112</span>sure, it is
+always permitted to poets to feign and magnify their subjects;
+or, in other words, the subjects thus aggrandised and exalted to
+heaven have no sublimity but in poesy and upon paper, like the
+figures that painters trace on canvass, or sculptors upon
+marble.&nbsp; How could the Greeks mistake and worship gods who
+had such an origin? however the thing has happened, Homer is the
+cause, and now mourns over his poetry and himself; he has for
+companions in misery, his disciples and imitators.&nbsp; Ought
+this not to serve as a lesson to living poets, who, abusing their
+talents, compose and read seductive works, causing those who
+think themselves in a condition to do the like, to lose their
+time, and often corrupting the heart in recreating the mind.</p>
+<p>From this chamber I passed into that of the Latin poets.&nbsp;
+Ovid and Virgil there disputed the throne.&nbsp; Horace chafed
+that he was not admitted into the contest, and Martial revenged
+himself upon them by a piquant epigram.&nbsp; Horace protested
+against the whole proceeding of the two first; he demanded
+arbitrators, and <a name="page113"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+113</span>nominated on his own behalf Scaliger, who has declared
+that he would rather have been the author of the ninth ode, than
+the possessor of the crown of Arragon; but they would not notice
+him.&nbsp; The other poets espoused the party that suited them
+best: many declared for Seneca the tragedian, for Terence, and
+Plautus.&nbsp; These last, read in a corner of the chamber the
+finest passages of their compositions.&nbsp; They now began to
+talk of settling the dispute with blows: fearing, therefore, that
+I might get an unlucky hit in the m&ecirc;l&eacute;e, I left the
+place, and passed hastily into the chambers of the Spaniards,
+Italians, French, English, Turkish, Chinese, and Persian.&nbsp; I
+noticed the ancient Gaulish poets, crowned with misletoe of the
+oak, making processions, and singing the histories of their first
+kings.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Here, upon this side,&rdquo; said Curiosity to me,
+&ldquo;is a chamber of perfumers; they have fine scents for the
+gratification of the damned; but you would hardly be able to bear
+them.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I will take,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;a pinch of
+snuff.&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page114"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 114</span>I
+drew forth my box, helped myself, and offered it to my devil; he
+filled his nose, but from the titilation he felt in his
+olfactories, he withdrew his fingers, when he began to sneeze in
+such a manner, and with such a noise, that hell itself seemed
+sinking under us, he belched forth fire from his nose, as
+lightning flashes from a cloud; he put his fore-finger to it, and
+there issued forth a rivulet of liquid sulphur, which uniting
+with his saliva, formed a torrent of boiling water, that flowed
+across the chamber, and passed through the doors and windows;
+without that I believe I should have been drowned.&nbsp; These
+waters fell upon people underneath, who began to call for help,
+thinking a river of melted sulphur and pitch fell upon
+them.&nbsp; The devil laughed heartily at this disorder, and told
+me my snuff was excellent: he asked for another pinch; I did not
+dare to refuse him, because he was in his own house; and such a
+refusal might, perhaps, have made him regard me as
+impolite.&nbsp; But this time, when I put my fingers into the
+box, the powder took fire as if it had been saltpetre, and burnt
+in my <a name="page115"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+115</span>hands, at which accident I was not sorry, being
+apprehensive of another disorder, similar to the first.</p>
+<p>We then entered the chamber of the perfumers: they were
+occupied in extracting essences of intolerable odours, which are
+as agreeable to them as jessamine, tuberose, orange, and others
+in use among the men and women of our world: they made these
+essences from the oil of the box tree, from wax, jet, and yellow
+amber.&nbsp; Their pomatums were composed of galbanum,
+assaf&oelig;tida, rosin, pitch, and turpentine.&nbsp; I was
+informed that these were for the use of the ladies of hell, who
+were served by the perfumers, and who were, at the same time,
+obliged to use their compounds, in obedience to the laws of
+Lucifer.</p>
+<p>From thence, we proceeded along a broad aisle, which
+terminated at an elevated pavilion, the apartment of the
+astrologers and magicians.&nbsp; I met at the door a chiromancer,
+who desired to inspect my hand.&nbsp; I extended it without
+ceremony; but scarcely had I touched his, before I was glad to
+withdraw it, it seemed so hot and fiery.</p>
+<p><a name="page116"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+116</span>&ldquo;I have remarked at a glance,&rdquo; said he,
+&ldquo;that you will be happy if you are prudent.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;And you,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;what have you noticed
+with regard to your own?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I knew,&rdquo; replied he, &ldquo;by the mount of
+Saturn, that I was to be damned.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Ah, well! if you had exercised the prudence you
+recommend to me, you would not have been here.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I passed without further speech, and saw a man, who, with
+compasses, measured upon a globe, the distances between the
+celestial signs: &ldquo;what are you doing, good man?&rdquo; said
+I.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Ah, God!&rdquo; replied he, &ldquo;if I had been born
+but half an hour sooner, when Saturn changed his aspect, and Mars
+lodged in the house of life, my salvation had been
+certain.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The others made similar observations, so that one could hardly
+forbear laughing at their complaints.&nbsp; There came up one
+named Taisnerius, author of a book upon physiognomy and
+chiromancy, who gazed in my face for such a length of time, that
+he quite embarrassed me.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;You look like an old burnt shoe,&rdquo; said I <a
+name="page117"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 117</span>to him;
+&ldquo;go your ways; do not stop so near me.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Look at this beggar,&rdquo; said he; &ldquo;see how he
+affects the man of consequence, because he wears a sword by his
+side, and hath the cross of Saint James!&nbsp; What a
+physiognomy!&nbsp; What an aspect!&nbsp; What a figure!&nbsp;
+This man goes straight to the gibbet: besides, there is here
+neither wealth nor rank; all are equal.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Insolent fellow,&rdquo; said I; &ldquo;if I draw my
+sword, I will teach you how to speak to a man of honour; have you
+not had experience enough to be wise? you ought to bear in mind
+the correction you received in Portugal, for treating a gentleman
+in the same indecorous manner you have me; but you are
+incorrigible.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Taisnerius,&rdquo; said my devil, &ldquo;get into your
+hole, and draw your own horoscope.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>After this trifling dispute, we advanced, and encountered many
+astrologers, among whom were Hali, Gerard of Cremona, Barthelemi
+of Parma, a certain personage by the name of Tondin, and
+Cornelius Agrippa.&nbsp; The moment this last perceived me, he
+cried out that <a name="page118"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+118</span>&ldquo;the world did him injustice, in calling him
+Agrippa the black&mdash;in accusing him of magic, and other
+similar things, for which, he averred, he had not been damned:
+that he was born in an age of ignorance, when good physicians
+passed for magicians, astrologers for sorcerers, and all learned
+men for people who had converse with the devil; that his book
+upon the Cabala, was nothing more but a satire upon the
+cabalistic art of the Jews, and the little key of Solomon; and
+finally, the book itself might be taken as a criterion of his
+faith, in those things by which they deceived the simple, and of
+the vanity of that science.&nbsp; I am no more a magician,&rdquo;
+continued he, &ldquo;than Cardan, whom you can see if you
+wish.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Why then have you been damned?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Because I abused my knowledge, and amused myself with
+people&rsquo;s credulity; if I had indeed been a magician, I
+should have become penitent, and been saved.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>While I was speaking, I heard a tremendous uproar, proceeding
+from another apartment, and inquiring the cause, was informed the
+Turks were fighting; and as I happened <a
+name="page119"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 119</span>to
+understand their language, discovered the quarrel was, in fact,
+between Mahomet and the two prophets, who had each established a
+sect in the Mahometan law.&nbsp; Mahomet complained very bitterly
+against Ali, because he had given to the Persians a false
+Alcoran, and because Albubekir had so illy explained his own, in
+Africa.&nbsp; He, on the contrary, maintained that the Alcoran
+could have no other meaning, than what he had attached to
+it.&nbsp; Ali asserted, there was no reason in this law; and
+furthermore, he contended, that Mahomet himself knew nothing
+about the book he had composed.&nbsp; They chafed furiously upon
+this, and cried out, as if enraged to madness; I heard their
+dialogue, but do not wish to be the herald of their
+quarrels.&nbsp; This was gentleness itself, compared with what
+passed among the heretic and schismatic Christians; there I saw
+Luther in the habit of the Augustine order, with his monks about
+him, and a pot of wine on the table.&nbsp; &ldquo;Do the dead
+drink,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;to the devil?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Not at all; but this wine is set before their eyes, for
+the purpose of tormenting them <a name="page120"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 120</span>with the sight of what they loved so
+well; it is for the same reason, that Luther has his wife with
+him.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Melancthon was also there; he wept continually, and was so
+unquiet, that he could not remain an instant at rest: he
+traversed from right to left upon all sides, and then returned to
+the place from whence he set out, only to recommence the same
+journey.&nbsp; &ldquo;What is this man doing?&rdquo; said I to
+Curiosity.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;He imitates the conduct he pursued in the world; for
+there he was alternately with Luther and the church; sometimes a
+Zuinglian, and sometimes a Calvinist; thus are the inconstant
+tormented.&nbsp; This good old man whom you see here, is Erasmus;
+this other is Grotius; unhappily, they neither of them had any
+religion.&nbsp; This man, who appears so sour, and is surrounded
+with ministers, is Calvin, who brought about the
+reformation.&nbsp; These others, are heretics of the first ages,
+who are here for being reluctant to submit to legitimate
+authority.&nbsp; See the great Photius patriarch of
+Constantinople, how the Greeks surround him: he is justly
+punished for <a name="page121"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+121</span>having quitted the ministry for the patriarchate; if he
+had remained in a civil station he would have been saved; but
+being mixed up in ecclesiastical affairs, he committed so much
+wickedness, that he now suffers no more than he
+deserves.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;A man so learned!&rdquo; said I to the devil.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes, too much so; and too much knowledge is often more
+injurious than profitable.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I began now to tire of hell, and fatigued with my walk,
+intimated a desire to my conductor to depart, and to be
+accompanied by him as far as the gate.&nbsp; He replied, he
+wished first to show me the apartment of the contractors, whom I
+had not yet seen, and which was upon a line with that in which we
+were.&nbsp; I then entered into the chambers of these farmers of
+the revenue, and was surprised to see such a multitude, each
+habited in the garb of his own country.&nbsp; &ldquo;There are
+here, then,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;people from all quarters of the
+globe.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; replied the devil, &ldquo;since there are
+every where imposts.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;But why,&rdquo; demanded I, &ldquo;are these people <a
+name="page122"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 122</span>damned, who
+have levied the lawful tribute of legitimate princes?&nbsp; I
+have read in the scripture that it is lawful to pay tribute unto
+C&aelig;sar: how shall this tribute be paid, unless there are
+people to collect it? must one be damned for doing a
+duty?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Hold, hold,&rdquo; cried the demon; &ldquo;not quite so
+much philosophy; these contractors were full as philosophical as
+you are; but it is nevertheless true, if they had only levied the
+tribute due to their prince, they would not have been damned; but
+they raised one not due, either to the prince or to themselves:
+they would have been much better off, had they not made so much
+expense, and the prince had given them but a shilling for a
+pound.&nbsp; Calculate, for a moment, what an enormous sum is
+requisite, for the compensation of the host of subalterns
+attached to an office; consider then, how much the principal must
+gain; add to that, what goes into the coffers of the king,
+without mentioning what is styled the <i>perquisites</i>, and you
+will find that not more than one per cent of the ducats are
+realized at the treasury; and that, he <a
+name="page123"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 123</span>who gets
+the most, is doubtless the farmer.&nbsp; If the king of Spain
+would oblige them to send straight to him the custom on exports
+and imports, he would profit by that the contractors get.&nbsp;
+There needs but one commissary, for all the revenues of the king,
+in each office; he should supervise all the books and accounts,
+contenting himself with a generous salary for his care, punishing
+frauds by pecuniary fines, and by corporeal inflictions for
+second offences.&nbsp; If the matter was thus managed, the king
+would be richer, and taxes less; the people would be less
+burthened, and almost all this great number of contractors, would
+remain in commerce, in the army, or country.&nbsp; How much
+should you say,&rdquo; demanded the devil, &ldquo;the king
+received, of what is annually taken from the royal
+mines?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;About three quarters,&rdquo; replied I.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;He would be too well off,&rdquo; exclaimed he, with a
+cry of admiration; &ldquo;he does not get the thousandth part;
+all goes in outfits, in expenses; and I verily believe, that if
+these things are to continue thus, the king would <a
+name="page124"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 124</span>gain more
+by closing them, than in causing them to be worked.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;At present,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;there is a necessity
+of levying imposts, of having contractors, and paying them well:
+the neighbouring princes do the same, to furnish their charges
+and expenses of war: if this is an evil, it is one that must be
+endured, to preserve the whole body politic from
+destruction.&nbsp; But how is it possible, you can so vehemently
+dislike the gentlemen of the revenue, who form by far the largest
+part of your infernal population?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;It is the force of reason,&rdquo; answered he,
+&ldquo;that compels even demons to avow the truth, and both to
+love and detest the wickedness we are desirous of detecting in
+others, to make them companions of our misery.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I admire,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;the force of truth; and
+I admire not less to see injustice hated, even among the unjust;
+but I cannot comprehend, why you should say, that however
+legitimate the tribute due to the prince, the contractors cannot
+conscientiously take the public money.&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page125"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+125</span>&ldquo;You misapprehend me; that they can do; but the
+farmers collect more money than is consistent with equity, or the
+orders of the prince; they extort that which should be useful for
+the maintenance of the public weal: it is of this charge, of this
+waste, the contractors are guilty.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I understand you,&rdquo; said I to the demon;
+&ldquo;but conduct me from hence, for I am weary.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>He continued:&mdash;&ldquo;Do you comprehend what I say, that
+it is the contractors who are most happy and rich? and from
+whence come those superb mansions, as magnificently furnished as
+the Escurial palace? how can they support such enormous expenses?
+entertain so many gentlemen? give their daughters such ample
+dowries? contract advantageous alliances with the noblest
+families of Castile and Arragon?&nbsp; Such an one shall command
+to-day, and be covered in the king&rsquo;s presence, who a year
+since drove a chariot, or stood behind a carriage.&nbsp; Another,
+who hired his land, shall presently purchase the farm he formerly
+cultivated.&nbsp; Appointed a subaltern <a
+name="page126"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 126</span>in one of
+the offices, he soon becomes its head, and is elevated by degrees
+to the nobility.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The demon having finished, I thanked him, and wishing to
+impress the lesson on my memory, engaged him to repeat it.&nbsp;
+He summed up the whole in the following
+manner:&mdash;&ldquo;Observe neither what reason or the law
+prescribes to thee, respect neither God nor the king, lay the
+peasantry under contribution, succumb to the great, become a
+great proprietary farmer, cause the purchaser to pay you twice
+for what you sell: to put out of sight the baseness of your
+origin, obtain an appointment in one of the bureaux, and accustom
+yourself to command; for by these gradations one may arrive at
+the highest dignities.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;What signifies all that,&rdquo; said one of the
+contractors, who listened to our discourse; &ldquo;is it not
+natural for a person to elevate himself if he can?&nbsp; Is it
+not the order of Providence, that the lofty should be abased, and
+the humble exalted?&nbsp; Fortune is but a wheel, which in its
+revolutions puts underneath <a name="page127"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 127</span>what but now was on top.&nbsp; If
+the subjects were more attached to the government, the sovereign
+would have less need of imposts, and consequently of
+collectors.&nbsp; If they were perfectly just, they would not
+need a king.&nbsp; To complain of our avarice is to accuse
+heaven; instead of which only the impenetrability of individuals
+should be reproached, who would rather see a great kingdom like
+Spain entirely overthrown, than advance a single real to repair
+the slightest breach.&nbsp; Know, Signor Devil, who has delivered
+such a philippic against the contractors, that we have been to
+our country, what the bones and muscles are to the human body, or
+numerous armies to a province threatened with an invasion: if the
+king of hell would but consult with us, we should teach him to
+fortify his dominions in such a manner, that they would be
+impregnable to both saints and angels.&nbsp; In the first place,
+I would lay a tax upon every demon who plies his occupation in
+the world: secondly, I would establish a daily employment for
+each soul in the infernal world: thirdly, I would make the
+magicians and sorcerers <a name="page128"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 128</span>pay an annual tribute: this will be
+done, for I have heard the king of the demons was about to
+organise a council of financiers; and this is a subject that
+might well engage even the attention of that celebrated
+Englishman, who invented the first paper currency of
+England.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;And wherefore,&rdquo; said the demon, &ldquo;impose a
+tax on us?&nbsp; What will you do when we refuse to pay?&nbsp;
+Can you confiscate our estates?&nbsp; In what prisons will you
+confine us when you have decreed our arrest?&nbsp; We should mock
+at all your projects: ah, little man! you grow licentious! you
+must be chained up; come, obey; extend your hands and
+legs.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I shall do neither the one nor the other,&rdquo; said
+the contractor; &ldquo;you are not here our master; I will call
+the financial council together; and I am going this instant to
+denounce you to the grand inquisition, because you resist paying
+tribute to the king of Spain.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I laugh at your inquisition,&rdquo; said the demon,
+&ldquo;and to be beforehand with you, I will <a
+name="page129"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 129</span>denounce
+you to the prince of devils himself: come, quick, obey; extend
+your hands and legs.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The contractor found himself loaded with irons, in spite of
+his remonstrances: the devil then went into the apartment of the
+inquisitors to subject them to the same treatment, and afterwards
+returned to accompany me to the gate, as I had requested.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;These insolents,&rdquo; muttered he, &ldquo;these
+insects! what pride! what rodomontades! was there ever seen such
+supercilious knaves?&nbsp; But I will humble them in such a
+manner, and make them suffer so much, that they will have no
+stomach to talk of imposts and taxes.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>When we had left these contractors, (whom I regard as the most
+unhappy class in hell, because, let them do ever so much good to
+the prince or to the state, let them be ever so upright in their
+administration, nay, even if they were angels, they could not
+escape accusation and hatred) our attention was attracted by an
+immense crowd, which had arrived and filled up the avenue in such
+a manner, <a name="page130"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+130</span>that we could not pass, and so were obliged to fall
+back to the opposite gate.&nbsp; &ldquo;Who are these
+people?&rdquo; inquired I of the demon.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;They are,&rdquo; replied he, &ldquo;a corps of tailors;
+they arrive here in crowds, like great armies, and when they
+come, all the demons are put in requisition to confine them; my
+duty compels me to assist; go with me, and amuse yourself with
+our proceedings.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>We made our way through this crowd of tailors, and arrived at
+length, before a great furnace, the mouth of which was more than
+ten fathoms in diameter.&nbsp; There they bound these tailors in
+faggots, putting from ten to a dozen in each bundle: they
+fastened each one by the feet, and then brought a rope about the
+whole package, and afterwards suspending the faggot to a hook,
+which was elevated by means of a pulley, over the centre of the
+furnace, a devil detached it, and let it fall into the
+fire.&nbsp; Sometimes the tailors who had their arms free,
+grasped so firmly the pulley, that the devil had an infinite deal
+of trouble to loose their hold: when that took place, he caused
+the whole mass to make a pirouette in <a name="page131"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 131</span>the air, and as the motion was
+violent, the tailors were always forced to let go, and drop into
+the fire.&nbsp; It happened that one of these faggots fell
+outside the aperture, upon a quantity of others, which were
+ranged like a pile of wood, and which the devil measured.&nbsp;
+The individuals of this faggot, seized hold of the others in such
+a manner, that they could not separate them; so that the devils
+who united their strength for that purpose, were obliged to take
+the whole pile, attach it to the hook, and let it all go
+together.&nbsp; The mass was so great, that it seemed as if it
+would choke the fire of hell.&nbsp; The devils bestirred
+themselves, and finally made an end of the tailors; they then
+cast in a great quantity of oil, tallow, and sulphur, and
+stirring them up with long iron tormentors, and employing large
+bellows, the fire caught all at once, and raised a flame, that
+rose above the mouth of the furnace more than three hundred
+feet.&nbsp; All the tailors having been cast into the fire, their
+demon general, with a haughty and severe air, came to demand of
+me, why I had not been bound with the others.</p>
+<p><a name="page132"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+132</span>&ldquo;Because,&rdquo; said I to him, &ldquo;I am not a
+tailor, a rogue, a thief, neither a cabbager of stuff nor money;
+I am here with my companion, Curiosity, to inspect the beauties
+and antiquities of this country.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;You are a liar,&rdquo; replied the general; &ldquo;you
+are one of my subjects; I know you by your strait-cut dress,
+which, without doubt, you have made out of the clippings of some
+other; come, obey; cast yourself into the fire, or I will throw
+you in.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>As he was about to bind me, my demon informed the general that
+I was not yet dead; that I had never been of any trade, and that
+he believed I should not be one of their subjects, because those
+who descended quick into hell, conducted themselves afterwards in
+such a manner, as not to revisit it after death; furthermore, the
+cross of Saint James, (which I carried,) would inspire fear, and
+cause false alarms in the bosoms of the damned.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Come hither, then,&rdquo; said the general, &ldquo;and
+profit by what you see; you know, at least, that tailors are the
+fuel of hell, and serve to burn those that come
+hither.&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page133"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 133</span>My
+demon advised me to go promptly, because if the general should
+get angry, he might do me a mischief.&nbsp; In walking along, he
+informed me the unhappy tailors were so numerous, that they not
+only fed the great furnace of hell, which warmed all the
+apartments, but also furnished the table of Lucifer, when he had
+a mind to feast.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;How!&rdquo; exclaimed I, &ldquo;Lucifer eat?&nbsp; Can
+spirits eat?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Do you not know,&rdquo; replied he, &ldquo;that the
+damned are as the herb the sheep eateth, and that death is this
+sheep?&nbsp; Have you not read in your sacred books, that death
+devoureth the damned?&nbsp; <i>Mors depascet eos</i>.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>While he was speaking, we met a troop of booksellers, at whose
+head was one Peter Marteau, a publisher, of Cologne; he was
+loaded with a burden so unwieldy, that it was impossible to
+comprehend how any one man could bear it.&nbsp; They informed me,
+these were the books printed under his name, after his
+death.&nbsp; The booksellers of Holland were also very heavily
+laden; and those of France bore also the books struck off at
+their houses, with <a name="page134"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+134</span>the title of a Dutch bookseller.&nbsp; These people
+were carrying their books to the furnace, but were prevented by a
+singular accident: a demon, who passed by with a flambeau,
+approaching to look at them, their papers caught fire, and
+instantly spread from one to another through the whole body: when
+they perceived the flame, they threw down their loads, and fled
+with all convenient speed.&nbsp; I asked them why they were
+damned: they answered, for the faults of others.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;An author,&rdquo; observed they, &ldquo;often carries a
+work to the printer, which has no merit, and besides, as
+unsaleable as a girl, ugly and poor: by this means the printer is
+ruined; in vain he curses the author, and seeks to reimburse
+himself by the sale of an unpopular book; this book is the cause
+of his failure; his creditors seize his goods and shop; he
+maddens, and resigns himself to despair.&nbsp; A translator, who
+understands Greek, undertakes a dull work; sometimes he supposes
+he has discovered a manuscript; he carries his translation to the
+printer, who, not being able to get rid of it, sells the leaves
+to the grocer or <a name="page135"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+135</span>butter woman.&nbsp; Another cause of our damnation; a
+bookseller sells at a handsome profit, the <i>satires</i> of
+Juvenal, the <i>comedies</i> of Terence, and of other poets, as
+those of Virgil and Ovid; a lackey, a shop-boy, a soldier, a
+clerk, purchase these works, and amuse themselves among serving
+girls, with what cost long study to these men of genius.&nbsp;
+Without mentioning other books we vend, and which obtain
+circulation, only because they flatter the taste or passions of
+the buyer, is it not true, that a pretty story of gallantry,
+secret memoirs, cabinet intrigues, which profess to expose the
+designs of the government, or the end of some great affair, are
+the most dangerous books? and these are the kind we sell
+best.&nbsp; Is it us, then, upon whom reproach ought to fall, or
+on the readers?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;He speaks advisedly,&rdquo; said a Holland publisher;
+&ldquo;we have put to press all the follies of certain authors,
+who wished to revenge themselves, either upon a mistress, judge,
+minister of state, or prince; and for this we must needs be
+adjudged guilty of other&rsquo;s faults, and share their
+punishment! but that would <a name="page136"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 136</span>have been slight, if we had not
+meddled with books of religion.&nbsp; We have published in
+Holland the works of all parties; Christians, Jews, Catholics,
+Protestants, Socinians, Quakers, and every other sect; and often
+in the same book, sold both sides of the controversy.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;You have then,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;no
+religion!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;We are,&rdquo; replied the Dutchman, &ldquo;the
+historians of authors; and as a historian must have neither
+relations, country, friends, nor religion, even so we have none
+of these; but under the name of citizens of the world, have but
+one object, and that, the advancement of our own
+interests.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Immediately upon these words, he hastily fled with the others,
+to re-assemble themselves near the demon of the book merchants,
+who called for his whole crew.&nbsp; I felt great compassion at
+the fate of these unhappy wretches, condemned to hell, because
+they were brought up to the profession of publishing the dreams
+and extravagances of authors: it is worthy also of reflection,
+that they are compelled to consult the taste of the age, and of
+the multitude.&nbsp; <a name="page137"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 137</span>Now the taste of the age is
+exceedingly fickle: it is not that of learned men and wits; books
+of morality and criticism are purchased much less readily than
+novels and profane histories; so that book merchants, in their
+condition, have an unhappiness that attaches itself to no other
+trade, independently of the fact, that this business is not held
+in the same estimation at the present day, that it formerly
+was.&nbsp; They were then ranked with men of letters; they were
+admitted to the bar and church; the cardinal Ximenes bestowed on
+them great preferments; he ennobled him who published the famous
+<i>Bible d&rsquo;arrias montars</i>.&nbsp; We see, in his time,
+publishers who possessed rich abbeys and seats in the
+council.&nbsp; And what was not done for them by the fifth
+Sixtus, that incomparable genius?&nbsp; In France, they arrived
+at great distinction, and have been seen in the first posts of
+the principal cities of the kingdom; and we know that a
+celebrated emperor of Germany, was one of the first publishers,
+if not himself the inventor of printing.&nbsp; But to return from
+this digression: when the book merchants were <a
+name="page138"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+138</span>re-assembled, the notaries, who had just arrived,
+wished to place themselves in their ranks; but the devil used his
+authority to separate them, averring that there was, in fact, a
+vast difference.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Without doubt,&rdquo; said the notaries, &ldquo;we are
+the book merchants of manuscripts; we compose and publish our
+works, to which the public accord the same faith, as to things
+they have themselves seen; we are faithful public witnesses, the
+guarantees of contracts, promises, and obligations; the guardians
+of titles, rights, and privileges; our testimony is true,
+infallible; above suspicion, deceit, and fraud.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Why,&rdquo; said the devil, &ldquo;are you come to
+hell? for if you fulfilled those duties, you are honest people,
+and I declare, not only useful, but necessary to the public; for,
+between ourselves, there is so little public sincerity, that if
+one could not prove, by writings and witnesses, the price at
+which he bought or sold, he would often find himself cheated of
+his money.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;It is,&rdquo; said one of the notaries, &ldquo;for some
+antedates or superfluous ciphers, that we are <a
+name="page139"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 139</span>damned;
+judge you, if the matter is of such vital consequence; one is so
+often deceived by writings, and one figure is so easily
+substituted for another;&mdash;the pen too, slips sometimes, and
+a nought is so easily made!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;You are right, in truth,&rdquo; said the devil,
+addressing himself to me; &ldquo;they wrong these poor people, in
+sending them to us; they have committed trifling faults, while
+they do not punish the apothecaries, even, for putting up the
+recipes sent them.&nbsp; I have a great mind to send these
+unfortunate persons home again.&mdash;Go; return, my friends; you
+have suffered great injustice.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;And we also,&rdquo; said the corps of bankrupts; for
+they had done them the honour to separate them from the
+merchants, who had dealt honestly.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;As to you, Signors,&rdquo; said the devil, &ldquo;enter
+into the furnace, without further examination: we leave it to the
+notaries to enter at pleasure; they have within them a torment as
+cruel as fire; it is conscience, that never yet respected any
+person.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Oh, oh! ah, ah!&rdquo; cried the bankrupts, <a
+name="page140"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 140</span>&ldquo;if
+they had not wronged us, we should have kept our faith with every
+one: would you, because we were cheated, that we should send our
+families to the almshouse?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I did not go to Holland, or to the islands, when I
+failed,&rdquo; said one; &ldquo;I shut myself up in a private
+room in my house, and there negotiated, through my wife, with my
+creditors, making each one to remit a part of his just claims:
+you know what would have happened, had I appeared; there is
+seldom much charity among creditors.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I,&rdquo; said another, &ldquo;did much better; for I
+transported from Madrid to Venice all the merchandises I had
+collected, changed my name, and after having made a fortune upon
+these goods, paid the principal, on condition they would remit
+the interest: was there not in this bankruptcy, good faith,
+justice, and prudence?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; replied the devil, &ldquo;and I cannot
+conceive on what grounds you were condemned; it is very evident
+it must have been for something else.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;No,&rdquo; continued the man, &ldquo;it was for this <a
+name="page141"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 141</span>very thing;
+because they pretend that for these twenty years, I have injured
+my creditors, in depriving them of the enjoyment and possession
+of their property; consider, Signor devil, if I am under an
+obligation to repair this damage? would it not only be
+ridiculous, but render them guilty of usury towards
+me.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Ah! the honest man,&rdquo; said the devil; &ldquo;why
+do they send to us folks so upright and sincere? but my
+friend,&rdquo; continued he, &ldquo;you have the ill luck to be
+found in bad company; we cannot help you; arm yourself,
+therefore, with courage, and prepare to support the sufferings to
+which the bankrupts are destined; you will be forced to accustom
+yourself to much pain; but console yourself, by uniting your
+complaints with those of your comrades.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Directly the devil stamped upon the pavement, where the
+publishers, notaries, and bankrupts stood, when a trap door,
+springing open, engulphed them all, and closed itself as
+before.</p>
+<p>At this stage of my dream, I was awakened by a serenade of
+violins and hautboys, that <a name="page142"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 142</span>some one gave to a young lady of the
+house.&nbsp; I immediately arose, and looking from the window,
+saw a number of young men, who, after a prelude upon their
+instruments, began to sing.&nbsp; As there was no window but mine
+open, they imagined they beheld the beauty to whom their homage
+was addressed; and to amuse myself at their expense, I threw out
+a splendid handkerchief, which one of them eagerly caught; he
+kissed it more than an hundred times; then putting a diamond,
+worth thirty pistoles, into a purse, threw it into my chamber,
+with a billet couched in these terms:&mdash;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;My charming princess, at night my heart awakes for
+thee; by day, I am only occupied with your charms.&nbsp; I burn,
+without cessation, with the love you have inspired; when shall I
+have the happiness to express to you in private, what I feel, and
+what your silence causes me to suffer? one sweet line from your
+hand, shall re-assure and console me.&nbsp; Speak, and nothing
+can equal my happiness; continue silent, my misery is at its
+height, and I have no relief, but in death.&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page143"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 143</span>After
+perusing this billet, I answered it in the following manner, the
+substance of which was furnished by a song I happened to
+remember.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;When one reigns, or when one loves, the pain is not
+without its pleasures; solicitude renders them more vivid.&nbsp;
+Happy prince!&nbsp; Happy lover! it is not in vain you suffer;
+they will resist you but slightly, when they themselves suffer
+from protracted resistance; yes, when one reigns, or when one
+loves, the pain is not without its pleasures.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I cast my billet from the window, and it was soon taken
+up.&nbsp; The adventure seemed to me very pleasant: behold what
+followed; I deposited in the bed of the fair, the diamond that
+was designed for her, not being able to keep it longer with
+honour, and without exposing myself to the anger of the young
+lady, who would soon know by what window it entered.&nbsp; Upon
+retiring the next night, she found it; she informed her lover of
+the discovery, and he explained the whole affair.&nbsp; She
+thanked me graciously for my gallantry; <a
+name="page144"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 144</span>I gave her
+the billet I had received, and she returned my
+handkerchief.&nbsp; The mistake arose from my having lain, that
+night, in the chamber ordinarily occupied by this young lady, her
+bed having been removed to that of her father, and on that
+account was unable, as usual, to answer her gallant.&nbsp; She
+made me the confidant of her attachment, and besought my good
+offices with her father, which I so zealously used, that in less
+than a month, I assisted at the marriage of these lovers.</p>
+<p>Those who interpret dreams, say, that the one I had concerning
+hell, hardly presaged this adventure.&nbsp; I pray those who read
+my reveries, or nocturnal visions, to consider that they contain
+more truth, than one would be apt, at first, to imagine: by day
+they ought to occupy themselves with thoughts upon hell, as
+intently as they would in the most important affair; or as they
+would seek the means of deliverance, if shut up in prison, for a
+crime against the state.&nbsp; One is damned for a less offence
+than the robbery of the treasury, revolt, or parricide.&nbsp;
+Yes, for a much <a name="page145"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+145</span>slighter fault, one shall be eternally tormented in
+hell.&mdash;Reflect often upon this, dear readers, lest you have
+it to say, through the interminable ages of futurity, &ldquo;<i>I
+could not have thought it</i>.&rdquo;</p>
+<h2><a name="page146"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+146</span>SEVENTH NIGHT.<br />
+<span class="GutSmall">THE REFORMATION OF HELL.</span></h2>
+<p><span class="smcap">As</span> I promenaded one day in my
+garden, thinking of demons, which are always at the back of every
+one, the foolish idea struck me, that it would not be wholly
+useless to reform my life.&nbsp; I felt a curiosity to see my
+evil demon; but, thought I to myself, if I should see him I
+believe I should die with fear.&nbsp; No, said I again, I should
+not be terrified, if he would but show himself in a human
+shape.&nbsp; After having repressed this improper curiosity, and
+resumed my composure, I heard a man speaking to me; and turning
+my eyes to that side from whence the voice proceeded, I
+perceived, through a grated door, which separated the garden from
+the park, on the other side, a gentleman of a good mien, who
+requested me to open the gate, as he wished to have some
+conversation with me.&nbsp; As he resembled a man with whom I had
+formerly some misunderstanding, I refused; but he <a
+name="page147"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 147</span>passed over
+it before I had the power to prevent him.&nbsp; Immediately
+drawing my sword, I set upon him; and he doing the same, parried
+my thrusts and stood upon the defensive only.&nbsp; As I
+perceived that his figure at one moment contracted, and anon
+dilated to a huge magnitude, I began to suspect that he was
+either a magician or a demon; and stepping rearward some paces,
+demanded who he was.&nbsp; He answered that he was my demon, and
+wished to render me a service.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I have no need of such service,&rdquo; said I to him;
+&ldquo;for demons are both deceptive and malicious.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;No, no,&rdquo; replied he; &ldquo;fear nothing; only
+come with me.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Forthwith he transported me into the air, and I soon lost
+sight of my house and garden.&nbsp; In a short time we drew near
+the moon; and while passing, I gazed attentively upon those
+valleys, mountains, and lakes, which are but imperfectly
+perceived from the earth by the aid of telescopes.&nbsp; The
+demon transported me to Sicily and set me down upon the summit of
+a mountain covered with cinders yet hot, <a
+name="page148"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 148</span>which he
+told me was Etna.&nbsp; There was, from this place, a very fine
+prospect; one sees all the beauties of the isle, and of the
+surrounding seas: in the distance, the highlands of Africa are
+distinguished, like fleecy clouds, upon the verge of the horizon;
+a multitude of vessels were sailing in view, which seemed like
+white ants, or flies, sporting upon the surface of the
+ocean.&nbsp; After we had rested there about one hour, the demon
+told me to follow him.&nbsp; We descended into an aperture from
+whence belched forth smoke and flame that illumined the whole
+mountain.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;It is here,&rdquo; said the demon, &ldquo;that Pliny
+fell, when he had the temerity to approach too near.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The whole way, as we proceeded, was composed of rocks and fat
+earth, like bitumen, and from time to time, might be seen veins
+of sulphur.&nbsp; The rocks were full of little crevices, from
+whence issued vapours and sulphurous exhalations, and sometimes
+slight gusts of wind.&nbsp; When we had travelled downwards about
+the space of an hour, we came to a vast cavern, into which we
+entered; at its extremity <a name="page149"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 149</span>was an immense palace, hewn in the
+rock, and elevated upon massive pillars.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;This,&rdquo; said the demon, &ldquo;is the palace of
+Lucifer.&nbsp; Let us enter into the great hall, where we shall
+see him give a general audience to the damned: listen attentively
+to what shall be said; examine the events that take place, and
+let what you shall see serve for your instruction.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The following is a correct account of what I saw in these
+subterraneous abodes.&mdash;For a long time, Lucifer, the ruler
+of hell had not given audience to his subjects: the disorder that
+ordinarily obtain in states from the negligence of princes, are
+incidental as well among demons as men.&nbsp; The evil spirits
+remained sometimes for ages in the world, without rendering any
+account of the souls they had gained, and often suffered
+themselves to be driven from the tenements of which they were
+masters; the address of some monk or priest snatching from them
+their conquest.&nbsp; Men performed in hell the office of demons;
+and as they frequently left their chains to seek their enemies,
+battles were as common, as <a name="page150"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 150</span>formerly between the Romans and
+Gauls.&nbsp; Lucifer, either from a fear for his crown, or
+weariness at seeing so many combats, resolved one day to hear, in
+general convention, the complaints of the damned; to introduce a
+reform among the demons; to re-establish the submission and
+obedience due to his sceptre, and to extend the boundaries of his
+empire by new conquests: this was very easy of execution,
+provided he would give access and free parlance to his subjects,
+and compel his demons to render an exact account of their
+administrations.&nbsp; With this design he secretly consulted
+with Belzebub, the prince of devils, Belial, the governor-general
+of Pagan nations, and Ashtaroth, the princess who commands all
+women.&nbsp; At the termination of this council, circular letters
+were published, which ordained that all those who had complaints
+to prefer, and all the demons scattered over the world, should
+assemble upon an appointed day in the great hall of the palace,
+when and where they should be heard.</p>
+<p>The day fixed being arrived, the hall was presently filled,
+and measures taken, that as <a name="page151"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 151</span>soon as one party was heard, another
+should enter.&nbsp; Lucifer was seated upon his golden throne,
+having upon each side those princes I have before
+mentioned.&nbsp; After having inveighed against the disorders
+prevalent in hell, and stated his determination to rectify them,
+he signified his permission to the standers by to speak.&nbsp; At
+this intimation there arose an old man of a haughty appearance,
+and having a crown of laurel upon his head; he read the Roman
+laws touching parricides, and amplified upon the ingratitude of
+natural and adopted children towards their parents.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;The parties,&rdquo; said Belzebub to Lucifer,
+&ldquo;must be ordered, before commencing their speeches, to
+announce their names, because many of them have been dead a great
+length of time.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Such a decree was accordingly made; and he who had now spoken
+about half an hour, said that he was Julius C&aelig;sar, the
+first emperor of the Romans.&nbsp; &ldquo;Under the pretext of
+the liberty of our common country,&rdquo; continued he,
+&ldquo;Brutus and Cassius, to gratify their ambition,
+assassinated me in the midst of the <a name="page152"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 152</span>senate, their enmity was not
+directed against the empire and monarchy, which were, on the
+contrary, the object of their desires; but they hated the
+emperor, who had magnified the Roman power, and extended its
+dominion both north and east.&nbsp; Was the government better
+administered in the hands of those senators, who, by their feuds
+and personal dislikes, perilled the salvation of the republic, by
+resigning it into the hands of a perpetual dictation, whom they
+were obliged shortly afterwards to elect?&nbsp; Rome having once
+tasted the benefits of monarchy, preferred rather to obey a Nero,
+a Tiberius, a Caligula, or a Heliogabulus, than to re-establish
+this pretended public liberty, for which Brutus and Cassius,
+those two traitors, took up arms against the father of their
+country.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>He continued his discourse in this strain, and concluded by
+moving, that they should be treated in hell as assassins, public
+disturbers, and traitors.</p>
+<p>Brutus then arose, and with a trembling voice, said:
+&ldquo;Senators, you have heard C&aelig;sar; have you not been
+biassed by his <a name="page153"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+153</span>eloquence?&nbsp; But will you forget the services I
+have rendered?&nbsp; Remember the advice you privately gave me,
+to encourage the glorious design I had conceived in favour of
+your liberty?&nbsp; Answer then to C&aelig;sar, that it was by
+your advice I gave the fatal stab; that if the laws had not been
+abrogated and violated by the formidable power of tyranny, you
+would, yourselves, have put him to death under the forms of
+justice; and that your silence, after the execution of my
+project, was an evidence of your approbation.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Cassius, assuming the discourse, said he would not undertake
+to plead his own cause if Cicero was present.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I will not,&rdquo; said C&aelig;sar, &ldquo;listen to
+this timid sycophant; this cowardly soul; this selfish orator:
+when he feared my power, he said, in full senate, that he would
+be my buckler against enemies, and, at the same time, conspired
+against my life, and defends the act of Brutus and Cassius.&nbsp;
+His cupidity was so eager, that for money, he might be bought on
+the same day to speak upon both sides of a case; and so
+sober-tongued, that there was <a name="page154"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 154</span>not a soldier in the army, who would
+have bestowed upon his greatest foe one tittle of the scurrility
+he heaped upon Anthony.&nbsp; You recollect, Signors, his
+phillipics: he had not the courage to support a change of
+fortune; and the common cause was abandoned by this patriotic man
+before he was slain by Anthony.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;May all such wretches be ever punished in the same
+manner! and with what can they reproach me?&nbsp; Did I put any
+senator to death?&nbsp; Did I pillage the commonwealth?&nbsp; Did
+I not return, by my will, what I had amassed and conserved for
+her defence?&nbsp; Will they accuse me of tyranny and
+usurpation?&nbsp; I, who delivered the Romans from the ambition
+of a Pompey?&nbsp; Will they charge me with cruelty?&nbsp; I, who
+could not behold without weeping the head of my most inveterate
+enemy?&nbsp; Yes, I can truly say, that it was grief at the sad
+fate of Pompey, that invited me to declare war against
+Egypt.&nbsp; I was desirous of avenging the death of this great
+man.&nbsp; He would have made himself master of Rome if I had not
+prevented him; and because I stood forth as <a
+name="page155"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 155</span>the
+defender of the public liberty, was assassinated as a
+usurper.&nbsp; What wickedness!&nbsp; What perfidy!&nbsp; What
+cruelty!&nbsp; The senate recognized every thing I had done,
+when, after my death, they erected statues, and built me
+temples.&nbsp; Infernal judge, will you bear with these impious
+men, who killed him whom the empire delighted to
+honour?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Cicero would have spoken, fearing the eloquence of
+C&aelig;sar, or his vehemency, would impose upon the judges; but
+C&aelig;sar constantly interrupting him, Lucifer, tired with
+their clamours and the length of the cause, ordered that the
+emperor, as a punishment for not having profited by the advice he
+received on his way to the senate, upon the day of his death,
+should remain in his present place.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;It was I,&rdquo; said Cicero, &ldquo;who caused this
+information to be sent him.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Base liar! perfidious man!&rdquo; cried C&aelig;sar,
+&ldquo;it was you who gave me this information! why did you not
+bring it yourself?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;It was the will of Fate, that Brutus, Cassius, and
+other senators, involved in this conspiracy, should be marks for
+infamy, as <a name="page156"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+156</span>traitors to their country, and as having afforded a
+direful example of politicians without courage.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>After him arose Alexander the Great, very much vexed that
+C&aelig;sar had spoken before him, and pretending that the cause
+of this Roman emperor should not be considered before that of the
+emperor of the world; but he abandoned his pretensions, when a
+crier had made proclamation, that in hell, all conditions were
+equal, and that the damned had among them, no other distinctions
+than those of crime.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Infamous prince,&rdquo; said Clytus, who stood behind
+Alexander, &ldquo;dare you speak, after having murdered the best
+of your friends?&nbsp; Is not the brightness of thy conquests
+tarnished by the shame of thy cruelty?&nbsp; What punishment dost
+thou merit, for having despoiled princes so distant from Macedon,
+who, so far from having wronged or injured you, did not even know
+you?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Silence,&rdquo; said Alexander.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;What! I be silent! if Lucifer, the chief of this
+empire, imposes silence upon me, I <a name="page157"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 157</span>will obey: but shall I yet receive
+orders from you, cruel brigand, notorious robber, sacrilegious
+rascal, debauchee, fool, drunkard, incendiary?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;No, no: speak, son of Olympias,&rdquo; said Lucifer to
+Alexander.</p>
+<p>He began thus: &ldquo;Alexander, son of Jupiter Amnion, lord
+of the world, most high and mighty emperor, conqueror of the
+habitable globe&mdash;&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Clytus laughed at the boasts: &ldquo;what a lord! what an
+emperor! what a god!&nbsp; Behold the titles which I
+dispute.&nbsp; In the first place, his mother was a virtuous
+woman.&nbsp; She but mocked her son, who, through pride, accused
+her with having committed adultery with Jupiter Amnion.&nbsp;
+Secondly, he was not lord of the world; since he did not conquer
+the tenth part of it: and thirdly, it is false that he is a great
+emperor; for an emperor is only ennobled by heroic virtues and
+qualities, which he did not possess.&nbsp; And how is it possible
+that he should be the conqueror of the habitable globe, having
+never been neither to Africa, nor very far in Europe, nor to <a
+name="page158"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+158</span>China?&nbsp; Thus he is only Alexander, as I am
+Clytus.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Here Lucifer passed an order that this prince should only
+assume the titles that veritably pertained to him, and permitted
+Clytus to continue.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I was,&rdquo; said Clytus, &ldquo;the prime favourite
+of this Alexander, who, wishing to conquer every body, had no
+enemy nearer and more powerful than himself.&nbsp; Contemplate
+our portraits: I was his favourite, and I have always seen him as
+ambitious of distinction in wickedness as he was for honourable
+action: but as a foundation to my complaints against him, I ought
+to state, that this prince, elevated by his flatterers to a place
+among the gods, was accustomed to speak without respect of Philip
+his father.&nbsp; He showed himself more munificent towards
+gladiators, musicians, and drunkards, than towards his bravest
+captains.&nbsp; In conformity to this disposition, he gave the
+kingdom of Sidon to Abdolonymus, a well-digger; he committed
+numberless extravagances at the instigation of his mistresses; to
+please a courtesan named Roxana, he burnt <a
+name="page159"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 159</span>the palace
+of the Persian kings; his conduct towards Parmenio, Philotas, and
+Calisthenes, as well as Aminthus, his relation, is sufficient
+proof of his barbarity.&nbsp; And did he not exhibit more than
+cruelty towards me?&nbsp; I was the most faithful of his
+confidants; he who flattered him the least; who gave him the best
+of counsel; to whom he owed his reputation and honour.&nbsp;
+Alas! because I had the presumption to speak my true sentiments
+at a feast, he arose from the table and inflicted upon me a
+mortal wound.&nbsp; I now demand expiation.&nbsp; King of hell,
+revenge Clytus, punish Alexander.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>This prince then replied as follows:&mdash;&ldquo;Favourites
+bear the same relation to sovereigns as mice to cats.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>At this exordium Clytus began to laugh, and said:
+&ldquo;Listen to a comparison worthy of the disciple of
+Aristotle.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;The mouse,&rdquo; continued Alexander, &ldquo;seems at
+first to divert itself with the cat; but finally this animal,
+being more powerful, devours the mouse, who cannot accuse her
+with cruelty for wishing to take her turn in the sport.&nbsp; <a
+name="page160"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 160</span>Such, about
+me, was the condition of Clytus: but to demonstrate the mistake
+of this ungrateful favourite, I aver, that it is the policy of
+princes to keep favourites, who are towards them neither forward
+nor haughty; and not to accord them too much power.&nbsp; The
+liberties they take with us cause us to fall into contempt; their
+hauteur makes us appear timid, and their power fills us with just
+suspicions.&nbsp; Clytus having thus taken advantage of me, I was
+frequently ashamed of his familiarities.&nbsp; Such was his
+pride, that if I dared to contradict him in the least thing, he
+reared up like an unruly horse: my bounty had rendered him so
+powerful, that he was in fact Alexander, and I was but
+Clytus.&nbsp; In particular, he abused my mistresses, and the
+officers of my house; in counsel he was always right and I wrong;
+in every battle, it was he that was victorious, and I who had
+been slack and timid.&nbsp; If I put some to death, it was but
+consonant with justice, to punish the seditious or conspiring; if
+I burnt the palace of the kings of Persia, it was for the purpose
+of destroying a fortress that had been used against <a
+name="page161"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 161</span>me; if the
+pleasures that were indulged in after my conquests were sometimes
+too free, it arose from a desire to gratify my generals; in fine,
+the death of Clytus crushed those treasonous designs of which I
+had notice.&nbsp; He only waited for an opportunity to set one
+part of my army against the other, and to despatch me.&nbsp; I
+sang at a feast the songs my soldiers had composed upon their
+officers and myself; I rallied Clytus for having, in a certain
+action, taken to flight: this madman let loose his rage upon me;
+he loaded me with contumely; the wine he had drank deprived him
+of reason: I thought it was time to punish his audacity, and to
+prevent the excesses to which it might carry him.&nbsp; Thus
+perished an usurping, traitorous, insolent and unworthy
+favourite.&nbsp; Lucifer, I have spoken the truth.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>After having heard the parties, the king said to his demons,
+&ldquo;Take notice how proper it is that a subject should be
+faithful and submissive to his prince; and that a favourite
+should not go beyond the respect he owes to his sovereign.&nbsp;
+<i>We do order</i> that as long as Alexander shall be tormented
+by his ambition, <a name="page162"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+162</span>Clytus shall experience all the remorse that springs
+from rashness and ingratitude.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>At the same moment was heard the voice of Seneca, speaking to
+Nero: &ldquo;Cruel prince, how have you profited by the lessons
+of clemency, goodness, and humanity I have given you?&nbsp; Did
+you not murder me to repossess yourself of the wealth I had
+received from you?&nbsp; Such was my recompense for having raised
+you to empire.&nbsp; Was it not I who saved you from the
+conspiracy formed by Piso, after you had set fire to all quarters
+of Rome?&nbsp; Was it not I who delivered you from the snares
+which had been spread for you by the friends of your mother
+Agrippina, whom you afterwards put to death?&nbsp; I was more
+careful of your reputation than yourself, when I advised you not
+to exhibit yourself as a comedian upon the theatre; when you
+entered the lists to dispute the prize of poetry with Lucan, whom
+you afterwards assassinated.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Old fool,&rdquo; said Nero, in a slender voice,
+&ldquo;thou wert become unworthy of my favours by thy excessive
+ambition, and by the dishonour <a name="page163"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 163</span>you brought upon my palace.&nbsp;
+Great Lucifer, you see a man who, being my preceptor, did not
+profit by his own theory.&nbsp; He maintained a shameful commerce
+with my mother; and with a view to favour it, poisoned the
+Emperor Claudius, my father, who did not commit suicide, as was
+the prevalent opinion at Rome.&nbsp; The partiality of my mother
+filled him with such audacity, that he projected mounting the
+throne, and having me poisoned.&nbsp; I was informed of the
+intrigue, which I suspected before having received positive
+advice.&nbsp; I observed that his immense wealth had obtained him
+very many friends among the senators, gentlemen, and officers of
+the army; and it is worth while, also, to know, that this man who
+preached so much about frugality, and the love of mediocrity, was
+far from practising these virtues, which are easily reported of a
+man possessing twelve millions of revenue.&nbsp; After having
+punished the tyranny and usurpation of my mother, I was bound to
+punish the crimes of Seneca; but I was yet lenient enough to
+leave the manner of his death to his own choice.&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page164"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+164</span>&ldquo;The subjects and favourites of princes,&rdquo;
+said Lucifer, &ldquo;are always culpable, when they are
+ungrateful, or entertain any other desire than the prosperity of
+their masters: they ought to leave to them the recompense of
+their services, without attempting to reward themselves.&nbsp;
+<i>We will</i>, then, that the philosopher, Seneca, born in
+Spain, should be punished as if he had compassed his designs upon
+Nero: and that Nero be treated as an unjust and barbarous
+prince.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;This ordinance,&rdquo; said Sejanus, &ldquo;does not
+concern me: Tiberius caused me to be assassinated without reason,
+actuated by one of those suspicions to which he was usually
+addicted.&nbsp; He was troubled more by a fear of losing his
+life, than the empire.&nbsp; His courtezans had too much
+influence over him.&nbsp; As to myself, I have never punished any
+but the enemies of Tiberius: to be sure, they were also
+mine.&nbsp; But were not, in truth, the opposers of a minister
+who governed as well as I did, foes to their prince and
+country?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Tiberius would have answered; but Lucifer, interrupting him,
+ordered that all the <a name="page165"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 165</span>favourites of princes should come
+in.&nbsp; There appeared a vast number, among them Plautius, the
+favourite of Severus, was particularly remarkable: also Faustus,
+the favourite of Phyrrhus, king of Epirus; Pyreneus and
+Cleandrus, favourites of the emperor Commodus; Cincinnatus,
+favourite of Britulus; Rufus, favourite of Domitian; Ampronisius,
+favourite of Adrian; Belisarius, favourite of Justinian.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Listen,&rdquo; said Lucifer; &ldquo;the favour of
+princes is like quick-silver, the motion of which cannot be
+arrested, and which flies the endeavour to restrain it.&nbsp; If
+one would sublimate it, it is a vapour that exhales itself; and
+often, if too much is used, it becomes dangerous.&nbsp; If one
+anoints with it, it penetrates to the very bones: those who are
+accustomed to draw it from the mine, and purify it, contract a
+malady which makes them tremble all their lives.&nbsp; This is
+the character of princes&rsquo; favour: it is inconstant, because
+it depends upon the humour and passion of one who seeks only
+novelty and the pleasure of the moment.&nbsp; If you are
+importunate, if you exhibit the least sign of impatience, if you
+are even suspected of prudence in the <a name="page166"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 166</span>management of your credit or
+fortune, the attachment of the prince will cool.&nbsp; If you
+show any marks of envy against another, of discontent in
+yourself, or indifference in the presence of your protector, he
+suspects you, and passes straightway from suspicion to enmity and
+hatred.&nbsp; Bear then with resignation your bad fortune and the
+humour of your master: your pains, attentions, time, health,
+wealth all lost, you are at length obliged to return into your
+humble retreat, there to expect death; which, to your grief,
+comes not soon enough to free you from regret and the remembrance
+of your follies.&nbsp; A casual sally, an instant of good humor,
+a lucky word, a sudden caprice, a nothing, makes a
+favourite.&nbsp; Five or six years suffice for his fortune; if
+delayed, it escapes him.&nbsp; The same causes can bestow or
+withdraw favour.&nbsp; A favourite ought to make these
+reflections in his prosperity,&mdash;that he must abstain from
+those liberties that are common among equals, and that freedom
+which friends indulge in; that he must be constantly submissive,
+and know how to accompany respect with complaisance; that the <a
+name="page167"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 167</span>prince
+ought always to speak the first word in a confidential affair;
+and to preserve his secrets, he must dispose himself to every
+kind of privation.&nbsp; He who hath not regulated his conduct by
+these precepts must bear the burden of his own imprudence; and
+for this reason <i>we order</i> that those favourites who have
+incurred the displeasure of their sovereigns shall be punished as
+unfaithful subjects.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Lucifer then commanded an old man to advance, whom he
+perceived in the hall behind the others.&nbsp; There advanced
+then a man of a pleasant countenance, in a Greek habit, and
+followed by other persons clothed in the same manner.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I am Solon,&rdquo; said this old man: &ldquo;I gave to
+the Athenians laws which they did not exactly follow; this person
+contiguous to me is the philosopher Anaxarchus, whom the tyrant
+Nicocreon caused to be brayed in a mortar: in this little
+hump-back, behold the famous Aristotle, preceptor to the great
+Alexander: his philosophy excused the disciple from practising
+the morality he taught.&nbsp; This academician is Socrates, whom
+his fellow <a name="page168"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+168</span>citizens put to death with a cup of hemlock.&nbsp; This
+old man is the divine Plato, who, spite of the sublimity of his
+doctrine, sold oil for the defrayment of his expenses.&nbsp; All
+the rest are men of letters, who, like ourselves, have excited
+the envy, and experienced the vengeance of the princes, Archons
+and Tyrants, of Athens; and it is now upon these tyrants we
+unitedly demand vengeance.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Then Denis, the tyrant, accompanied by some other princes,
+presented themselves and spoke in this manner:&mdash;&ldquo;Of
+whom do these old dotards complain?&nbsp; Infatuated by their
+conceits, they pretended to dictate law to the whole world!&nbsp;
+In fact they had so imbued the people with their dogmas and their
+customs, that when we wished to make some changes, they excited
+sedition.&nbsp; They had so much pride and presumption, that they
+arrogated to themselves alone the possession of common sense and
+reason; while in truth they were distinguished but for opinions
+founded upon vain subtleties, and by a language not common and
+familiar to men:&mdash;and now I should like to ask them what
+certain knowledge they had; <a name="page169"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 169</span>what was their idea upon the nature
+of the soul? and what constituted the reason and equity of their
+laws?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I will add to that,&rdquo; said Julian, the apostate,
+&ldquo;that there are pedants, who, under the affectation of
+austerity, concealed the most extreme ambition.&nbsp; Do they
+complain of the contempt that was shown them, when their manner
+of living exposed them to it?&nbsp; Will they speak of their
+poverty, who would not labour for a living?&nbsp; The people of
+letters deceive themselves if they believe that princes and the
+public ought to enrich them for vain and useless sciences.&nbsp;
+Should they not make their calculation for that, when, idle in
+their cabinets, they amuse themselves in contemplating the
+figures and number of the stars, which they apply, to find fault
+with the common prejudices of our ancestors?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;At least,&rdquo; observed Cato of Utica, &ldquo;you
+cannot make those remarks with regard to Cicero, or myself, who
+have exercised the highest magistracies of Rome.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Old fox,&rdquo; answered Julian, &ldquo;I cannot, it is
+true, say so of you two; for if you were <a
+name="page170"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 170</span>attached to
+letters, you were still more so to your fortunes.&nbsp; And of
+whom can you complain, you who accelerated your own death?&nbsp;
+Did you not hope to gain an easy immortality in thus quitting
+your terrestrial abode?&nbsp; It was to arrive at this, that you
+did not wish to survive the pretended misfortunes of your
+country.&nbsp; Fine courage that, of a man who kills himself to
+escape fighting with his enemies!&nbsp; Would you not have done
+better to have preserved yourselves for the defence of Rome, its
+liberty, and your goods?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I recommend you,&rdquo; said Cato, &ldquo;to the
+Antiochians: they will tell the truth of you better than I can:
+they know you; they are fully acquainted with your pusillanimity,
+your vices, but, above all, with your vanity, which surpasses
+your knowledge and eloquence.&nbsp; Look at this great emperor,
+who, to punish Antioch, quits the sword, assumes the pen, and is,
+after all, nothing but an ignoramus.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I am called Suetonius,&rdquo; said he, who presented
+himself next.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes, this is Suetonius,&rdquo; said the emperor <a
+name="page171"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 171</span>Domitian,
+who was at his side; &ldquo;this is that notorious forger, and
+compiler of histories and chronicles, who, after the example of
+other historians, being a partisan and a flatterer, speaks the
+truth from caprice, and lies from inclination.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I!&rdquo; said Suetonius; &ldquo;I have said nothing
+that I cannot prove by indubitable evidence.&nbsp; Is it not
+true, that upon the testimony of vile informers, you have taken
+from the living, the estates of the dead who were accused?&nbsp;
+Is it not true that you have levied upon your subjects tributes
+so enormous, that they were forced to claim protection from a
+foreign power?&nbsp; Is it not true that you have despoiled the
+Jews of their goods only because they were born Jews?&nbsp; Is it
+then a crime to have been circumcised at birth and not to adore
+the gods of the Roman empire?&nbsp; Is it not true that by your
+excessive expenses for theatres, and buildings, you have
+exhausted the purses of the Romans, and left to perish with
+hunger the bravest soldiers of the army?&nbsp; To escape the
+consequences of a sedition, you committed horrible pillages, and
+thus paid your debts.&nbsp; <a name="page172"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 172</span>Your pride and impiety are exhibited
+in these few words, extracted from one of your declarations:
+&lsquo;<i>Your Lord</i>, <i>your God</i>,&rsquo; commands
+thus.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;What signifies that?&rdquo; said Domitian: &ldquo;Are
+not the emperors gods as well during their lives as after their
+death?&nbsp; Were not Augustus and C&aelig;sar adored in the
+empire?&nbsp; I was as much a god at the time I willed it, as my
+predecessors have been gods after their death.&nbsp; The divinity
+of men is nothing but a power superior to that of others, as the
+present divinity of Augustus is but a perfection above the
+virtues and qualities of living men.&nbsp; But who, among men of
+sense, has ever believed that the gods were like men? or adored
+in the statue any thing more than the virtue of the
+original?&nbsp; Who ever believed that the number of gods was
+equal to their names, their temples, or their statues?&nbsp; No,
+no, Suetonius, you did not believe all this, and it is from
+perfidiousness that you have accused me of impiety for being
+called a god.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;And your unjust vexations,&rdquo; replied
+Suetonius.</p>
+<p><a name="page173"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+173</span>&ldquo;As it regards that,&rdquo; said the emperor,
+&ldquo;subjects who cannot penetrate the designs of their
+sovereigns always consider the tributes imposed upon them as
+unjust; but if enemies were about to inundate the kingdom; if the
+empire was menaced with approaching ruin; if there was danger of
+the pillage and sack of frontier cities, would not the prince
+have reason to take measures for the prevention of these
+disasters by a heavier levy, and a stronger assemblage of
+troops?&nbsp; If I had apprized the Romans of these things, which
+I had learned by my spies, they would have been more likely to
+have risen against myself, than against the common enemy: so
+powerful is the voice of interest with the multitude!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Here Lucifer interrupted the emperor and ordered all the
+historians, historiographers, authors of journals, of memoirs and
+chronicles, to advance, to listen to their sentence.&nbsp;
+&ldquo;It is,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;for the public interest,
+that mendacity should be punished in writers, as in those who
+speak falsely; but it is of equal interest that writers should be
+permitted to speak the truth, without flattery and without <a
+name="page174"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 174</span>fear, to
+the end, that men by reading the history of their ancestors, may
+learn to become good, and detest the conduct of the unjust.&nbsp;
+Although it is crime that brings us subjects, <i>we wish</i>,
+nevertheless, that it should be punished in our empire; and it is
+that which constitutes the justice of the torments they
+feel.&nbsp; A prince flatters himself in vain with a fine and
+secret policy, if his subjects are rendered unhappy by the rules
+he has prescribed for their conduct; whatever colour he may take
+to cover his actions, and make them appear just, if they are not
+so in effect, which the event proves, he expects in vain the
+approbation, the esteem and love of his subjects.&nbsp; The
+writer who undertakes a history ought to divest himself of the
+sentiments of both love and hatred; he ought to have no
+partiality for country, relations or friends; he is the sole
+judge of the affairs of which he treats, and the master of
+princes when he describes their actions.&nbsp; Accordingly, <i>we
+ordain</i>, that Domitian and the other princes shall submit to
+the judgments of their historians; that the historians shall be
+punished for flatteries and lies; <a name="page175"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 175</span>for the examination of which, we
+order them before the tribunals of conscience, to whom we
+delegate plenary authority for the decision of their cases; and
+as a judgment upon the geometricians, geographers, astronomers,
+and mathematicians, we condemn the one party to measure by
+minutes, seconds, and lines, the dimensions of all the provinces,
+kingdoms, and empires of the earth; and the others to be shut up
+in the planets upon which they have pretended to make
+observations, to the end that they may be instructed by their
+experience.&nbsp; Furthermore we decree, that afterwards, the
+aforesaid geometricians, geographers, astronomers, and
+mathematicians, to be there punished for their foolish and rash
+opinions.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The audience having now lasted a considerable time, Lucifer
+commanded something to eat to be brought into the middle of the
+hall.&nbsp; Forthwith there appeared a vast number of
+chirurgians, cooks of hell, with an almost equal number of
+apothecaries, having the title of confectioners to the
+devil.&nbsp; They set forth a great table of gold, upon which
+they placed <a name="page176"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+176</span>a vast quantity of silver plate: they informed me that
+this table and plate had been fabricated with the gold and silver
+stolen, and afterwards sold to the goldsmiths.&nbsp; I have never
+any where seen such a quantity of linen: it proceeded from the
+thefts committed by linen dealers and washer women; for all that
+is stolen upon earth, goes into hell after the second or third
+generation of thieves.&nbsp; They served for the first course a
+heap of tailors roasted upon the spit.&nbsp; Lucifer is very fond
+of this meal; and the expression, &ldquo;<i>may the devil swallow
+me</i>,&rdquo; which the tailors often use, is not inappropriate;
+for he does swallow many; and the demons, his table companions,
+do the same: the subjects always having tastes similar to those
+of their masters, be they good or bad.&nbsp; I inquired of one of
+the demons, why his infernal majesty devoured more tailors than
+cooks, sausage makers, butchers, peruquiers, in short, people of
+other trades.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;It is,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;for a very politic
+reason; for otherwise he would soon want subjects of any other
+description; those of other trades are by far the least in
+number, while <a name="page177"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+177</span>the others are so plenty, that if we could eat them all
+in one day, the morrow would supply as many more: they arrive
+continually, in one eternal troop.&nbsp; Sometimes in beholding
+them afar off, we imagine them to be entire armies, coming to
+besiege us: this trade is more useful in hell, than you would be
+apt to think: we send among the tailors, young devils without
+experience: their shops are so many academies for our
+youth.&nbsp; If you had nice eyes, you might perceive more than
+fifty young demons in each tailor shop; some cut the cloth;
+others the list; these take away the superfluous pieces; those
+put them in the place they call the <i>street</i>; while some do
+nothing but open and shut the place they call the
+<i>eye</i>.&nbsp; Some carry the cabbaged pieces to sell; others
+make complete suits out of the patterns cut from the cloth; in
+fine, there are many about the women, girls, and valets of the
+tailor, to assist them in stealing the cloth, or stretching the
+binding.&nbsp; When these young devils have finished their
+diabolical apprenticeship, they are sent to the merchants.&nbsp;
+In that station they abridge all the measures, and <a
+name="page178"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 178</span>sometimes
+throw themselves into the scale, among the merchandise, to make
+it weigh more: if you could see all their tricks, you would be
+highly amused.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>When this course was removed from the table, they served
+another of tailors, roasted upon the gridiron: after that,
+others, baked in pates, smothered in a pot, fried in a pan, and
+dressed in a hundred different ways, with this only difference,
+that those of each nation had a particular dressing.&nbsp; The
+French tailors were spitted; the English, grilled; the Holland,
+fried; the Germans, smothered in a pot; the Italians, made into
+ragout; the Spanish, boiled, because they are ordinarily hard;
+the Polonese, in pates; the Hungarians, salad; the Turks, cooked
+in rice; the Greeks, in wine; the Arabians, dried in the sun; the
+Egyptians, with onion sauce; the Algerines, fried in lard; the
+Portuguese, preserved in sugar; the Danish, Swedish, and
+Muscovite, were almost all dressed in the same manner; that is to
+say, baked in brandy; the Tartar, boiled in horse grease; the
+Persian, fricaseed with gravy <i>de demon</i>; the Indians, baked
+in <a name="page179"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+179</span>bananas; the Chinese, and all the islanders, were very
+much seasoned with spices and sugar; the Ethiopians, negroes of
+Fez, Morocco, and Guinea, were baked in black butter; and the
+Americans, in milk.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;What an immense quantity of tailors,&rdquo; said I to
+the demon who was near me; &ldquo;your cooks must understand
+their business, to be able to compound so many dishes of viands,
+which differ no more the one from the other, than the bullocks of
+Spain from those of Ireland.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>They served to Lucifer wine of the various publicans of the
+world.&nbsp; &ldquo;Fie!&rdquo; said I to the demon; &ldquo;your
+master is hardly a connoisseur of wine.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;You are mistaken,&rdquo; said he; &ldquo;it is true,
+that this wine has been mixed with water, sugar, and spices; but
+the publicans are obliged to separate all these drugs, even the
+water which they ordinarily put in, from the rest, which remains
+pure, fair and clear; if the publicans did not do this, they
+would put them in the press, and draw from their veins all the
+wine they had themselves drank.&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page180"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+180</span>&ldquo;How!&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;do you live upon
+nothing but human flesh?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;How should we live else?&rdquo; answered he.&nbsp;
+&ldquo;Can we eat beef, mutton, partridges, fish, and
+beans?&nbsp; These animals come not hither, but in smoke; and
+herbs will not grow in a place so hot.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;How can you say that animals come here in
+smoke?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;It is those the idolaters sacrifice to the prince of
+demons: this smoke penetrates even to this place, and is the only
+perfume agreeable to our sovereign; for as to the scented oils,
+powders, and pomatums, of which the men and women of the other
+life make use, Lucifer is so incommoded, that those who are thus
+scented, dare not approach his apartment.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Egad!&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;Lucifer has then a smell
+keener than that of a hound.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes: he has so fine a scent, that he instantly knows
+whether a girl has been cautious or not; whether she has been
+married, or not, and the exact number of times: and the other day
+there came here a <i>menette</i>, who <a name="page181"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 181</span>made a profession of
+<i>menettisme</i>, wearing the habits, air, <i>et cetera</i>: she
+wanted to make every thing appear smooth, saying, that she had
+been sent here for having administered to herself the discipline,
+contrary to the direction of her directors: but the prince
+approaching her, perceived, and said immediately, that this
+habit, modest as it was, covered much indevotion, sacrilege,
+gallantry, and falsehood.&nbsp; The young girl retired abashed;
+she had not imagined that any person could discover, under the
+exterior of such simplicity, what she had been guilty of, during
+her life; you see Lucifer has an exquisite nose.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;If he has,&rdquo; said I, &ldquo;the other senses in a
+similar perfection, he well merits the commandery of
+hell.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>In the mean time, Lucifer, and the other lords, invited to his
+table, continued to eat with good appetite: besides the
+individuals of his council, there were a great number whom I
+heard designated by the names given to the gods of fable, such as
+Jupiter, Saturn, Apollo, Mercury: and to goddesses, such as Juno,
+Venus, Diana, Proserpina, and others; <a name="page182"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 182</span>I should think there were at least
+fifty persons at table.&nbsp; These gods and goddesses were men
+and women, like the others; and in reflecting upon that
+circumstance, I thought they were princesses and princes, whom
+the people had put in the place of gods.&nbsp; But these ignorant
+people deceive themselves; for their gods, instead of being in
+heaven, are in hell.&nbsp; The same thing often happens in the
+world; a particular person is looked upon as a man of honour, who
+is, in fact, worse than one whom they consider the most knavish;
+another as a good man, who, in truth, is one of the worst; they
+frequently speak of one as happy after death, whose lot, if they
+did but know it, is quite the contrary: this is the sentiment of
+saint Pere, who said, &ldquo;they peopled heaven with the
+inhabitants of hell.&rdquo;&nbsp; The dessert served up to this
+great demon, was very pleasant to behold: it consisted of
+hypocrites, bigots, and apostate monks, all preserved in sugar:
+in the middle of it was a country seat in sugar: one could
+perceive the chateau, with its fosses, garden, park, wood,
+closes, vineyards, fish-ponds, fountains, jets of water, <a
+name="page183"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 183</span>mill,
+stables, and farms; the whole being executed in the most perfect
+symmetry of architecture.</p>
+<p>The demon observing my surprise, told me, the devil usually
+devoured goods unjustly acquired: &ldquo;have you not,&rdquo;
+said he, &ldquo;heard it remarked, that property illy gotten,
+failed not <i>to go to the devil</i>?&nbsp; It comes to us; for
+be it known to you, that what is lost in the world, falls down
+here.&nbsp; You can find in our magazines things of every
+description: the entire shops of merchants, stores of grain and
+wine, tons of silver, an arsenal filled with arms, cabinets of
+jewellery and precious stones, tablets covered with antique
+medals, a kind of pantheon, filled with idols of gold, silver,
+and bronze, which you have no doubt seen at the houses of
+antiquaries: for the fruits of larcenies, spunging, and usury,
+always come straight to us.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>After the desert, the Jews and Turks brought coffee, tea,
+chocolate, tobacco, aqua vit&aelig;, liquors, and opium.&nbsp;
+The lords drank of all, and Jupiter partook so freely of tobacco
+and brandy, that he became quite elevated: <a
+name="page184"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 184</span>he began to
+sing a song in the Greek language, the substance of which was:
+&ldquo;What a charming spectacle for the mighty Lucifer! the dead
+dispersed throughout this cavern, are to him delicious
+meats.&nbsp; Subtle Love, and you gods of combat, theft, and
+drunkenness, contribute to content the taste and desires of our
+sovereign.&nbsp; So long as one remains in Tartarus, he must not
+hope for any other pleasure; we must not think of objects to be
+procured in other places.&rdquo;&mdash;While Jupiter repeated
+this song, Juno accompanied him, saying: &ldquo;So long as one
+regains in Tartarus, he must not hope for any other
+pleasure.&nbsp; Lovers, you enhance our joy, for death hath
+separated you for ever.&rdquo;&mdash;In imitation of Jupiter and
+Juno, Mercury and Mars sang thus: &ldquo;Yes, while one remains
+in Tartarus, he cannot hope for other pleasures.&nbsp; The money
+which was our love, is lost for ever: we love it still, but
+despairing of enjoyment.&rdquo;&mdash;Mars, with a voice of
+thunder, sang.&nbsp; &ldquo;Yes, when one is in Tartarus, he must
+not hope for other pleasures.&nbsp; War, which was our delight,
+is no more for us, but a vain flourish: here one hears neither
+fife nor drum.&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page185"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 185</span>After
+this little concert, which amused Lucifer, he made them call the
+players upon instruments, who joined the gods and
+goddesses.&nbsp; There was then heard the most frightful music:
+with the sound of violins and other instruments, which were
+played upon by those who had been musicians in the other world,
+there mingled a horrid noise of thunder, and raging wind, such as
+it produces when it rushes through a straight street, or groans,
+amid a wood of firs.&nbsp; This noise was succeeded by another,
+like that which is heard at the eruption of Mount Vesuvius or
+Etna: my ear was struck with a bellowing, like that of the sea,
+when agitated by a furious tempest.&nbsp; All these agents
+yielded to a choir of voices, that issued from the lowest depths:
+there was heard nothing but complaints, groans, cries, and
+howlings, similar to those of dogs, impatient of
+confinement.&nbsp; I should have expired with fear, if I had not
+been previously warned, that this was the music which would
+divert the prince of hell.&nbsp; Jupiter and Mars, in spite of
+their intrepidity, found this music so disagreeable, that they
+ceased singing, and <a name="page186"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 186</span>signified their uneasiness to
+Lucifer.&nbsp; They then removed the table, and the service of
+plate; and the audience having been resumed, they began to call
+up cases of different states; and after having disposed of those
+pertaining to the people of justice, the sword, and the church,
+they cited the women of all conditions.&nbsp; The beautiful Helen
+then appeared, who complained that at her return from the siege
+of Troy, she had been condemned to be hung by Polixo, her
+relation, at whose house, in the isle of Rhodes, she had taken
+refuge, Nisistratus and Megapontus having driven her from
+Greece.&nbsp; She was asked if she had consented to be abducted
+by Paris; if she had accorded him the last favours before leaving
+Peloponessus; if she had granted the same to the king of Egypt,
+when his vessel touched at her country.&nbsp; She answered
+ingenuously to these questions, that having been married by
+policy and force, to prince Menelaus, she had acquainted him that
+she did not love him.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Did you love,&rdquo; said Lucifer, &ldquo;the Trojan
+prince before marriage?&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page187"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+187</span>&ldquo;I had not then seen him; but my heart was never
+for Menclaus; it was free when Paris came to Argos, and its first
+impression was in favour of this stranger prince.&nbsp; Am I
+culpable for all the evils caused by the siege of Troy?&nbsp;
+Furthermore, the Greeks ought not to complain of this abduction,
+as a breach of hospitality: some years before, they had taken
+away a Trojan lady; and in ancient times, had not Jupiter, of
+Grecian origin, stolen Europa, a young princess of Asia, from
+this part of the world, inhabited by Trojans?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Menelaus spoke after his wife, whose ingratitude and
+infidelity he exaggerated; he accused her of having poisoned him
+on the return from Troy.&nbsp; &ldquo;Why assassinate me, when
+she had the liberty to go to her relations?&nbsp; Could I have
+done more to express my regret at her loss, after her elopement,
+than by building to her memory a temple, consecrated to
+Venus?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;You are a very clever man,&rdquo; said Jupiter to
+Menelaus; &ldquo;who told you that a husband could make his wife
+love him by caresses and services?&nbsp; A woman who does not
+love <a name="page188"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 188</span>her
+husband, takes all his cares for stratagems, invented by
+jealousy: she believes him false and wicked.&nbsp; Accuse only
+your patience and weakness; and between ourselves who are dead,
+since the living cannot hear it, it is a very good joke, to make
+so much noise about the infidelity of a coquette:&rdquo; and
+Jupiter sang a song, the burden of which was, that one was often
+very happy to be rid of his wife, as he then could enjoy the
+advantages of liberty.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Am I permitted to be as stoical as you are?&rdquo; said
+Menelaus.&nbsp; &ldquo;One must have a great force of spirit, to
+vanquish a passion like that of love: how cruel, to love without
+return!&nbsp; Ah! I now condemn myself: let Helen prosecute her
+quarrel with her relation Polixo, to which I am a
+stranger.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Since this Grecian prince is voluntarily
+condemned,&rdquo; said Lucifer, &ldquo;I am about to pass
+sentence upon the husbands who have complained of their wives;
+and upon the wives who have complained of their
+husbands.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The judgment was couched in these words: <a
+name="page189"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+189</span>&ldquo;Since love is natural, and no one can dictate a
+woman&rsquo;s will, and since neither the jealousy nor severity
+of a husband are of any avail, to compel a wife to conjugal
+fidelity, we order, that all husbands shall suffer the pain of
+foolish and indiscreet love, without having from that any
+pretence to restrain them; provided, however, that they may
+revenge themselves with chance intrigues, and contribute, by
+their patience and complaisance, to the ruin of their
+rivals.&nbsp; We ordain, also, that women who complain of the
+amours of their husbands, shall be condemned to the torments of
+jealousy; with an equal permission to those ladies who are not
+beloved by their husbands, to receive the cares and attentions of
+their neighbours.&nbsp; Finally, we forbid the married of both
+sexes, to bring any more actions upon these subjects, and reject
+them, in advance, from court.&nbsp; We command our demons, and
+principally Asmodeus, the demon of marriage, to bear in hand the
+execution of the present ordinance.&nbsp; Given in hell, at the
+grand audience hall, to be signified to whom it may
+concern.&mdash;Signed, <i>Lucifer</i>, king of <a
+name="page190"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 190</span>hell: and
+countersigned by my lord, the devil <i>Patiras</i>.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Signor,&rdquo; said Cleopatra, &ldquo;this edict cannot
+prejudice my rights against Augustus, emperor of the Romans: his
+ambition prompted him to attach to his triumphal car the queen of
+the Egyptians: to save myself from this shame, I laid violent
+hands upon myself.&nbsp; I demand that Augustus should be
+punished as guilty of my death.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Am I responsible for your actions?&rdquo; said
+Augustus.&nbsp; &ldquo;Who informed you that I should put this
+indignity upon you?&nbsp; C&aelig;sar had loved you; Pompey also,
+as I believe: that Antony did, no one can doubt.&nbsp; The
+reputation of those charms by which you had subdued the
+conquerors of the world, had made such an impression upon my
+heart, that I would not only have made you its governor, but have
+re-established you upon the throne of your ancestors; but the
+timidity so natural to your sex, pride, and haughtiness, misled
+you: the poison you employed to produce death was so subtle, that
+I could never discover its nature.&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page191"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+191</span>&ldquo;All! tyrant,&rdquo; said Antony to Augustus,
+&ldquo;you were not satisfied with having at the same time caused
+my death and the loss of my empire; but you must also effect the
+death of my spouse, whom I preferred to the throne.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I deny that,&rdquo; replied Augustus; &ldquo;you
+abandoned the field of battle to follow Cleopatra; yourself
+commanded a servant to give the blow of death, to prevent falling
+into my hands; it was in conformity to your counsel that
+Cleopatra killed herself; great Lucifer, I am innocent of these
+things.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;We ordain,&rdquo; said Lucifer, &ldquo;that both
+parties should be delivered to their remorse of conscience; if
+they are not satisfied with this judgment, let them present
+themselves before Astarte, sovereign of women, to whom Venus and
+Pallas are associated, where their cases shall be more amply
+examined.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>There came next a queen, accompanied by many women and girls,
+armed as soldiers: this was said to be the foundress of the
+kingdom of the Amazons.&nbsp; To this troop, Zenobia, queen of
+Palmyra, Elizabeth, queen of England, <a name="page192"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 192</span>and other princesses who had
+governed their states, joined themselves.&nbsp; Amazonide,
+daughter of Samornas, (so they called the foundress of this
+female monarchy,) complained against Hercules that he had made
+some of her subjects captive: against Theseus, who had married
+one, when their army was defeated in Greece; against Achilles,
+who had put to death the princess Orythia, for having succoured
+the Trojans; against Alexander the Great, because, not content
+with the favours he had received from the queen Thalestris, he
+had put her kingdom under contribution; against the Ephesians,
+who, for their ingratitude towards the Amazons, who had founded
+their city, were themselves delivered to other masters: and thus
+in the same manner against many other princes and people.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Illustrious women,&rdquo; said Lucifer, &ldquo;a sex so
+fragile as yours, a monarchy so naturally given to tenderness,
+could not resist the force of men, nor get away from an empire so
+sweet as that of love.&nbsp; You have wished to act contrary to
+your destiny: made to submit, <a name="page193"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 193</span>you have desired to command; but
+women cannot reign but by submissions to the laws of love; that
+renders men completely amenable to the will of woman.&nbsp; If
+men have done you wrong, accuse your own hearts; they have done
+the injury of which you complain.&nbsp; A warrior, proud and
+gallant, is full of ardour for victory when a fair Amazon is the
+price of conquest; and on the other hand an Amazon fears to
+vanquish a young soldier whose amiable qualities have now
+disarmed her.&nbsp; So we re-commit to yourselves the examination
+of those affairs you have brought to our tribunal: do yourselves
+the justice I should do, if I examined the matter with more care,
+and let all women be convinced, they have no greater enemies than
+their own hearts.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Zenobia then took the stand, and said to Lucifer, that her
+heart had never been master of her head: &ldquo;I lost,&rdquo;
+continued she, &ldquo;my husband Odenatus, for whom I had the
+purest attachment: although he left me young, my subjects were
+willing to obey me.&nbsp; During the thirty years of my
+government, I can <a name="page194"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+194</span>now say, that I maintained my sway with as much
+mildness as wisdom.&nbsp; When the thirty tyrants under Galienus
+divided the empire, I took possession of a province in Syria,
+that had formerly been separated, and united it to my
+kingdom.&nbsp; Aurelian declared war against me, and having taken
+me captive, led me in chains behind his triumphal car.&nbsp; In
+the endeavour to overcome the fidelity with which I preserved the
+memory of my spouse, and which was my sole consolation for the
+loss of my crown, he exiled me, under a specious pretext, into
+the Tybertine country; but he could not vanquish my
+constancy.&nbsp; Spite and rage seized him; he put to death
+Herennianus and Timolaus, my two sons, whom I had myself brought
+up; I had given them an excellent education, and had taught them
+the Egyptian, Greek and Latin languages; it was for their use,
+that I had compiled an abridgment of the oriental history, and
+that of Alexandria.&nbsp; What was my grief at seeing myself
+deprived of two children, who would have perpetuated my name, and
+honoured my blood upon the throne of Palmyra!&nbsp; Let no <a
+name="page195"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 195</span>one boast
+to me of the liberality of this prince towards his subjects: I am
+aware that he often distributed among them clothing, corn, wine
+and oil: but this virtue was tarnished by his avarice towards
+strangers.&nbsp; Could he not be contented with the boundaries of
+the Roman empire, which was a world of itself, in which one could
+make voyages both by land and sea?&nbsp; And why should I not
+accuse him of the murder of my two sons, since he even put to
+death the son of his sister?&nbsp; His cruel jealousy might well
+extend itself to the children of a queen whom he had
+ruined.&nbsp; Justice, god of hell! do not suffer Zenobia to
+remain under the tyranny of this haughty emperor; for even here,
+he pretends to exercise it over me.&nbsp; Does not death reduce
+to an equality monarchs and their subjects, conquerors and their
+slaves?&nbsp; A distinguished Roman poet has said, &lsquo;he
+knocks, without distinction, at the gates of palaces and
+huts.&rsquo;&nbsp; Lucifer, hell, remorse, eternity, do me
+justice for these grievous tyrannies.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Speak Aurelian,&rdquo; said Lucifer; &ldquo;what
+prerogative do you pretend over this princess?&rdquo;</p>
+<p><a name="page196"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 196</span>The
+emperor answered in this manner: &ldquo;Aurelian, emperor of the
+Romans, pontifex maximus, consul, censor, augur, tribune of the
+people, supreme head of Germany, Parthia, Persia, Arabia,
+Scythia, and Africa, to Lucifer&mdash;&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Lay aside these vain titles,&rdquo; said Belial, who
+sat near Lucifer: &ldquo;could not the scurviest beggar who had
+traversed with his pack, for a living, the various countries of
+the globe, assume as many with as much propriety?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I must then be but plain Aurelian?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes, you are nothing else.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I will not consent to it; and I had rather be condemned
+than not to affix my titles to the head of my defence.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>This emperor having declined answering, Lucifer accorded to
+queen Zenobia what she had demanded.</p>
+<p>Elizabeth, queen of England, then came forward: she complained
+of the count of Essex, who slighted her affections at the time
+she was sought by all the princes of Europe.&nbsp; Lucifer
+referred her to the tribunal of Astarte, where he had sent the
+Amazons.</p>
+<p><a name="page197"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 197</span>After
+her appeared Dido, queen of Carthage.&nbsp; She testified great
+dissatisfaction at Virgil, who had represented her as enamoured
+with a man she had never seen.&mdash;Referred to the same
+tribunal.</p>
+<p>Sappho also was in court: she averred that there had never
+been any other Sappho than herself, who was born in the Island of
+Mitylene: had given her name to the sapphic poetry, and was the
+author of poems dedicated to her friend Phaon, one of which had
+been translated by Ovid.</p>
+<p>The other Sappho declared that she was the true, the only
+Sappho who had existed; that she was born at Erise, in the time
+of the elder Tarquin, king of Rome; that she had married Cersyla,
+of Andros, one of the ancestors of the muse Clio; and that she
+had composed poems of different kinds.&nbsp; The claims of Sappho
+of Mitylene were then recognized, and the other forbidden to
+assume this name, or any work thereunto appertaining, because the
+property of a wife belonged to her husband: and according to the
+laws of all nations, her acts ought to appear in his name.</p>
+<p><a name="page198"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+198</span>Sappho having been confirmed in her rights, accused
+Phaon of coldness and ingratitude.&nbsp; &ldquo;When,&rdquo; said
+she, &ldquo;I had given him my heart, I was no more mistress of
+myself; I wished by my works to immortalize my love and his name:
+hard as the rocks of Parnassus, inflexible as the fiercest dog of
+Thessaly, impenetrable as the isthmus of Corinth, he disdained my
+flame; my verse made no impression upon him; weary of my love, he
+sought but to escape from me; insensible to my anguish, when I
+threw myself from the precipice of Leucadia, he manifested no
+sorrow.&nbsp; O, rage!&nbsp; O, fury of love! avenge my
+wrongs.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Lucifer ordained that Sappho should present her case before
+the goddess of females.</p>
+<p>Artemisa rehearsed all she had done to eternise the memory of
+her spouse: she repeated a hundred times the name of her dear
+Mausoleus, and demanded that he should be again restored to her,
+since she had died for love of him.</p>
+<p>The matron of Ephesus, who stood near her, began to laugh
+loudly, at the idea of a <a name="page199"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 199</span>woman&rsquo;s demanding her lost
+husband from hell.</p>
+<p>Both of them being adjudged fools, for contrary reasons, were
+remanded to their dungeons.</p>
+<p>Lucretia, a Roman lady, succeeded them; she demanded justice
+against Tarquin, who, by her violation, had been the cause of her
+death.&nbsp; Jupiter, who wished to amuse himself, asked her if
+she had made any resistance.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said she.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;What hindered you from stabbing Tarquin as he
+approached you?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;He was the stronger party, and would have killed
+me.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Was he alone?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Yes.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Was there ever seen a man, who could, unassisted, force
+a woman to the gratification of his lust?&nbsp; Why did you not
+rather suffer death, than permit him to consummate his
+enterprise?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;You are so importunate, that I must needs avow the
+truth: Collatinus, my husband, discovering my intrigues with the
+young prince, <a name="page200"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+200</span>poinarded me, and then spread a false report, to
+advance the designs of Brutus and himself.&nbsp; This
+Jupiter,&rdquo; murmured she, retiring, very angry, &ldquo;is an
+impertinent&mdash;he will not believe that any woman could be
+capable of so heroic an action as that attributed to me, and that
+they are all coquettes.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Let all the women,&rdquo; said Lucifer, &ldquo;betake
+themselves to the tribunal established for them.&rdquo;&nbsp; He
+then gave orders for the approach of four princes, who craved
+audience: the first was Darius, who impleaded Alexander the
+Great: the second, Bajazet, who accused Tamerlane of robbery: the
+third, Constantine Paleologus, who reproached Mahomet with his
+cruelty and ambition; the fourth, Montezuma, king of Mexico, who
+complained against Fernandez Cortes, and the usurpation of the
+Spaniards.&nbsp; The three first replied, custom, and the laws of
+war: as to the last, he was listened to, more from curiosity than
+any intention to reinstate him in his possessions.</p>
+<p>Montezuma spake very nearly in these words: &ldquo;I was
+formerly the legitimate and peaceful possessor of the Mexican
+states, <a name="page201"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+201</span>which my fathers had enjoyed from the universal deluge,
+if not before; for there are people called <i>preadamites</i>,
+who maintain, that God created men in that part of the world
+called <i>America</i>, who did not descend from the first man
+born in Asia, and whom they called <i>Adam</i>.&nbsp; The avarice
+and temerity of certain merchants, led them across the immense
+sea, which separates America from Europe; they represented
+themselves as persons, who, having been shipwrecked, had need of
+succour: we gave them firs, wood, and silver; we aided them to
+the extent of our power.&nbsp; All these gifts, which ought to
+have served for the establishment of an honourable commerce and
+friendship, only inflamed their cupidity and avarice.&nbsp; We
+were their friends; they made us their vassals, after having
+combatted us with arms, of which we were ignorant: mounted on
+horses of which we were horribly afraid, they put us to flight
+with the terrible noise of their cannon; having rallied, we
+assembled all our troops; they prevailed by the superiority of
+their arms; shutting us up in villages, they <a
+name="page202"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 202</span>besieged,
+they massacred, they took us captive, and carried all before
+them, with fire and sword.&nbsp; Regardless of royal majesty,
+which I held of God, they took my life.&nbsp; If it is right to
+usurp the goods and estate of another, why do not subjects war
+against their sovereigns?&nbsp; Why do not families seek the
+downfall of families?&nbsp; Why do not the wicked and strong
+dominate, the one over the weak, and the other take away their
+goods?&nbsp; Natural right, which bestows every thing that hath
+no owner, was it upon the side of the king of Spain, or on mine,
+who had received the kingdom of Mexico, as an inheritance from my
+fathers?&nbsp; The civil law, which maintains possession, and
+which protects legitimate proprietors, was it in favour of the
+king of Spain, or in mine?&nbsp; The reason of all ages and
+countries accuse the Spaniards.&nbsp; We learn in childhood, that
+we must not do to others, what we would not have them to do to
+us; Did I carry war into Spain?&nbsp; Why then have they brought
+it to me, and that too, in a country where they had experienced
+the cares of hospitality, to destroy a prodigious number of <a
+name="page203"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 203</span>men?&nbsp;
+What horrible ingratitude! what frightful injustice! what
+atrocious cruelty!&nbsp; Lucifer, be the avenger of one half the
+world: punish the Spaniards.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Fernandez Cortes excused himself on the score of orders from
+the king, his master: he confessed that reason, humanity, and
+justice, spake by the mouth of Montezuma; but he observed, that
+the conquests of the Spaniards had instructed the Indians in the
+knowledge of the true God.</p>
+<p>Upon that, Montezuma cried out, that the design of the
+Spaniards was not to eradicate idolatry in America, but solely to
+enrich Spain, at the expense of that part of the world; that this
+was so true, that in Mexico, the christian Spaniards and their
+slaves, did not compose more than one hundred thousandth part of
+the inhabitants.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;What do you desire,&rdquo; said Lucifer, &ldquo;that I
+should do to the Spaniards?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I do not demand,&rdquo; said the prince, &ldquo;to be
+reinstated in my dominions; some day, perhaps, one of my
+descendants, or some generous Indian, will deliver my country
+from <a name="page204"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 204</span>the
+Spanish yoke; I wish only that the Indians who were killed in the
+conquest of Mexico, should have the liberty to roast upon spits,
+and eat their cruel enemies; and in this manner my nation shall
+be sufficiently revenged.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;We accord to Montezuma,&rdquo; said Lucifer, &ldquo;the
+Spaniards who conquered Mexico, with the exception of the
+tailors, whom we reserve for our own table.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>After that came an abbot, who took the title of ten abbeys,
+besides priories, and eighteen cures.&nbsp; &ldquo;Behold,&rdquo;
+said Lucifer, &ldquo;an abbot, with as many titles as a Roman
+emperor: speak, of whom do you complain? had you not a sufficient
+income to live honourably in the world, according to your
+degree?&nbsp; How have you employed your revenue?&nbsp; Play,
+women, good cheer, horses, dogs, equipage, dress, and relations,
+have eaten it.&nbsp; You demand, without doubt, justice against
+the authors of your ruin: I grant it amply and promptly.&nbsp;
+For the mortification of your enemies, I surrender you to the
+troop of beggars who throng the avenues of my palace, and who
+would not have been damned, if, by alms <a
+name="page205"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 205</span>which would
+have cost you but little, you had removed from them the necessity
+of becoming thieves and robbers: go, learn in hell to spend but
+little yourself.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The minettes, the bigots, and hypocrites, demanded
+audience.&nbsp; &ldquo;These are very pleasant people,&rdquo;
+said Lucifer to Jupiter; &ldquo;they will divert us.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;An Italian comic writer,&rdquo; said one of them,
+&ldquo;has burlesqued us, as if it was wrong to <i>seem</i>
+honest men in the public eye.&nbsp; When one has not the
+substance of virtue, is it reprehensible to set a good
+example?&nbsp; It is true, that if our lives, hidden under this
+cloak, had been exposed, our hypocrisy and spurious piety would
+have been easily detected; but we injured no person, and if any
+one was scandalized by our example, it was for conscience
+sake.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The Italian writer, who happened to be present, and whom I had
+not before perceived, cried out, &ldquo;satyrists of France and
+Italy, our cause is common.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Immediately there appeared a number of comic writers, ranged
+under their respective <a name="page206"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 206</span>masters, among whom I saw, with
+pleasure, Juvenal, Terence, Plautus, Seneca the tragedian, and
+Greek, Latin, and French authors, ancient and modern.&nbsp; The
+writer, behind whom they were ranged, decried the manners of his
+age, and exposed the wickedness of hypocrites, who, abusing all
+that is sacred in religion, to deceive men, dupe the simple, and
+gain an unmerited reputation.&nbsp; Who would believe that a man
+was wicked enough to wish to deceive, at the same time, both God
+and man?&nbsp; This is what hypocrites do, when under the veil of
+divine love, and with an air of humility, more haughty than
+vanity itself, they conceal sensual affections, hatred of
+brethren, and a licentious life, unknown but to those who
+participate in it.&mdash;A woman wishes to hide from her husband
+an amorous intrigue; she is at her devotions in the morning, and
+in the evening still goes to a lecture, where she knows she shall
+see her friend.&nbsp; Often the church itself is the theatre of a
+love scene&mdash;the preacher, a fine young man, whose manners
+are more fascinating than his discourse.&nbsp; Frequently some
+broad-shouldered fellow <a name="page207"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 207</span>sets at nought truth, chastity,
+continence, the money of husbands, and so forth.&nbsp; Affairs of
+business are conducted on the same principle, as those of
+love.&nbsp; &ldquo;Who would believe that this devout man was a
+usurer: that he had possession, almost for nothing, of the
+meadow, the vineyard, and the house of a peasant!&nbsp; Oh, this
+is a holy man! he is full of conscience; every day constantly at
+church, his piety is exemplary.&nbsp; Behold the fate of a
+hypocrite: this knavery, is it any thing but a dead loss? for of
+what service is it to bigots to live in such uneasy constraint,
+if that does not procure them pleasure, property, or the
+gratification of their vanity?</p>
+<p>&ldquo;And I,&rdquo; said a woman, &ldquo;can I be accused of
+hypocrisy?&nbsp; My virtue, my science, my writings, do they not
+demonstrate the unfeignedness of my devotion?&nbsp; Should I be
+spoken of in any other way than as Saint Therese?&nbsp; Have I
+not had, in that character, apparitions, visions, a spirit of
+prophecy, and a discernment into the heart and
+conscience?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Contemplate, sirs,&rdquo; said the satirist, &ldquo;the
+people of the spirit, if such a thing is not <a
+name="page208"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 208</span>above your
+comprehension.&nbsp; What is this but to deceive the world by
+spiritual artifices?&nbsp; What is this incomprehensible new
+grace?&nbsp; What devotee but has possessed it; and what mystick
+but has held the same language?&nbsp; Truly, madam, grace is very
+much obliged to you, and fanaticism owes you thanks; visionaries
+and lunaticks have gained their causes; the ancient heretics and
+comforters owe you a statue and a chapel.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Another woman said, &ldquo;I have not had visions; but I have
+experienced realities: I have seen what I thought I saw; and if I
+had any devotion it was for my directors.&nbsp; I had one whom I
+looked upon as my guardian angel; I had for him an extreme
+friendship; I made him presents and he never failed in any thing
+towards me; I saw him every day, and should have preferred
+deceiving my father rather than him.&nbsp; Was he sick, I
+suffered also; and to solace him, sent meats, confections,
+fruits, and even money.&nbsp; I was so chagrined at his absence
+that I could not bear my own house; I became unquiet, impatient
+and melancholy; every thing vexed me.&nbsp; His superiors having
+<a name="page209"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 209</span>ordered
+his change, I almost expired with grief; I wrote to him by every
+mail; if I received not his letters, I felt new sorrow: a
+thousand phantoms presented themselves to my imagination.&nbsp; I
+fancied him as bestowing his pains upon another object, and
+thought that absence and change of residence had altered his
+inclination.&nbsp; He returned: what rapture!&nbsp; I ran to his
+house, although in dishabille: on the morrow I was at his feet;
+each day of the week I go to recount to him my pleasures and
+pains.&nbsp; In the mean time an honest man sought me in
+marriage; I consulted my director; he charged me to dismiss this
+man, who accordingly received his farewell.&nbsp; Another brave
+cavalier offered himself and received the same answer.&nbsp;
+Behold me now in my thirty-fifth year; my director exhorted me to
+consecrate to God my virginity: I retired to a monastery, but he
+was not willing that I should take the veil.&nbsp; At length he
+died; I wept, I regretted him; I observed a nine days&rsquo;
+devotion for his death.&nbsp; When my grief was assuaged, I
+reflected upon my age: the time of youth was past; I took the
+veil, contracted some amiable <a name="page210"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 210</span>acquaintances, founded funeral
+obsequies for the repose of my soul, bequeathed my estate to the
+convent, and died.&nbsp; This is my history; this is true
+devotion.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;And I,&rdquo; said another menette, &ldquo;had no such
+object to fix my imagination; I wore invariably a modest dress,
+my veil always drawn over my eyes, and sleeves to my very hands:
+I rose early in the morning to go to church, and was constantly
+seen at all devotional exercises; for me there was neither
+parties, assemblies, nor feasts: I did not attach myself to my
+confessor, although often at his grate.&nbsp; In the mean time, I
+had some good friends, who went about preaching my virtue far and
+wide, and principally to those rich men whom they knew not to be
+fond of gallantry, and yet exceedingly fearful of what generally
+happens to men of their years after marriage.&nbsp; Your affair
+is finished, say they to the marrying men; I have discovered a
+girl of superlative virtue, who knows not a single man in the
+world, and who is so unsophisticated with respect to love
+matters, that she does not even know the name of masculine <a
+name="page211"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 211</span>garments;
+always engaged in her domestic duties; without luxury, without
+vanity, rich withal, and beloved of her father.&nbsp; &lsquo;This
+is a girl that will exactly suit me,&rsquo; said an opulent
+citizen with sixty years and the gout; &lsquo;I shall have a
+nurse for the remainder of my life; I will make her fine
+presents, and after my death she shall have the enjoyment of my
+estate.&rsquo;&nbsp; In fine, they consulted me with regard to
+this man; I demanded time to determine; something unlucky might
+happen to my virtue; I asked light from above; heaven appeared
+favourable to this union.&nbsp; See me then espoused; I play the
+innocent, the ingenuous: my husband, deceived, felicitates
+himself in my simplicity: all this time I secretly received the
+attentions of a handsome young man; the more I saw him, the
+stronger appeared my conjugal attachment.&nbsp; Behold my
+history, and discreet devotion.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I saw still other menettes of different characters, who
+exposed the motives of their hypocrisy, and confessed that they
+had no other religion.&nbsp; These are liars, for truly religious
+souls shun ostentation: true devotion is so considerate, <a
+name="page212"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 212</span>that those
+who possess it endeavour to conceal it, to avoid being elevated
+in the opinion of the world.&nbsp; Christian humility flies the
+eulogies of men: their praise seems a dangerous enemy, which, in
+flattering, withdraws the heart from the right way; it refuses
+the recompense due to merit, and contents itself with affording
+that good example, which the honour of virtue and religion
+demand; all which, Jupiter, in a homily to the fanatics, set
+forth at large.&nbsp; The following is the decree that was then
+read and published before this great audience, in presence of the
+demons and the damned.</p>
+<h3>DECREE OF LUCIFER.</h3>
+<p>&ldquo;<span class="smcap">Lucifer</span>, to the legions of
+demons and damned people of hell, unhappiness, despair, eternal
+pains.&nbsp; In order to the due execution of justice and
+vengeance entrusted to our hands, <i>we will</i>, <i>ordain</i>,
+and <i>command</i>, under the severest penalties:</p>
+<p>&ldquo;First, that our demons be always present at the
+tribunals of the world, whether secular or canonical; that they
+take care of the account <a name="page213"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 213</span>books of merchants; prevent soldiers
+from thinking of death; trouble the imagination of fanatics;
+inspire mundane sentiments in those who wish to enter holy
+orders, benefices, and monasteries; that they be the confidants
+of intrigues; that they repeat every day, to wives and daughters,
+what a lovely young man has said to them once only: in fine, let
+nothing be done in the world; let nothing be transacted in the
+shops, bureaus, academies, places of commerce, etc. at which they
+shall not be present; and we charge them to render an account to
+ourselves once a year.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Secondly, we ordain them reporters, flatterers,
+go-betweens, authors of discord, divisions and lawsuits, under
+pain of disobedience.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Thirdly, we order, also, in the matter which concerns
+those condemned to hell, that the judgments we have pronounced
+against them in their causes be put into immediate execution;
+that all those who have been condemned, whether individually or
+collectively, return to their cells, resume their irons, and
+there remain to all eternity, without hope of solace, or change
+in their sufferings.&nbsp; Such is <a name="page214"></a><span
+class="pagenum">p. 214</span>our will, and we make no distinction
+in favour of pagan gods and goddesses, whom we regard in the same
+light as other subjects of our empire.&rdquo;</p>
+<div class="gapspace">&nbsp;</div>
+<p>When Lucifer had spoken, his visage entirely changed; his eyes
+became sparkling like two flambeaus; his nostrils cast out smoke
+mixed with fire; his mouth exhaled an infectious odour; his hands
+and feet changed to claws; from behind him issued a long tail,
+upon the end of which was a great button of iron; his ears were
+horns like those of the rhinoceros: he spoke again, and his voice
+sounded like the crash of thunder.&nbsp; This is the substance of
+what he uttered: &ldquo;Let these places return to their former
+state; let darkness pervade the whole region; let the prisons
+shut with horrid sound upon all this infernal race; let rage and
+despair seize upon the damned; let a violent fire devour them;
+let the worm of remorse knaw without consuming, and let the
+habitude of torment afford no solace.&nbsp; Go, miserable
+wretches! obey! precipitate yourselves into these black retreats!
+suffer without expiation! and let my ears be sweetly <a
+name="page215"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 215</span>flattered
+by the sound of your cries and chains!&rdquo;</p>
+<p>When Lucifer had pronounced this terrible sentence my demon
+transported me out of the hall, and at the same instant I heard
+it and the whole palace sink with a horrid crash.&nbsp; Those
+crushed among the ruins uttered the most lamentable cries: I then
+perceived an immense volume of smoke; after that I found myself
+in the midst of the field which is at the extremity of my garden,
+from whence I returned to my house, totally absorbed in the
+contemplation of this vision.&mdash;If the things here related
+did not actually pass in hell as I have supposed, the probability
+is, that the fact does not widely differ from the
+representation.&nbsp; The judgments of Lucifer are there promptly
+executed, without notice to the culprit: cases are decided
+without advocates: no person is absolved, for innocence never
+enters places destined to eternal punishment.&nbsp; The fire of
+hell exposes their perfidious designs, their passions and crimes;
+it reveals all secrets, and sets forth the reasons for which the
+guilty have been condemned.&nbsp; The sight of suffering
+companions <a name="page216"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+216</span>affords no relief; it rather augments their grief;
+contrary to which, in the world, egotism and corruption render
+them insensible to the sufferings of another.&nbsp; The
+<i>reformation</i> made by Lucifer operates invisibly in the
+commerce of men; the demons and our passions are the causes of
+the disorder and injustice that prevail in society.&nbsp; Oh! if
+it was possible for each one really to behold what is here only
+imagined, how soon would they abandon their careless manner of
+life!&nbsp; But ought we to be more wicked because we have less
+fear?&nbsp; Let us think, let us think upon the other world; let
+us seriously reflect upon our latter end; if that offers us
+happiness and rapture, let us, by perseverance, endeavour to
+attain it; but if, on the contrary, we anticipate unhappiness and
+anguish, let us spare no pains to escape so direful a doom; let
+the aspect of hell contribute to the reformation of our manners,
+and be so impressed upon our minds as to be the means of our
+salvation from the greatest of all evils.</p>
+<div class="gapspace">&nbsp;</div>
+<p style="text-align: center">THE END.</p>
+<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VISIONS OF QUEVEDO***</p>
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