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diff --git a/41950-h/41950-h.htm b/41950-h/41950-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3bc82b1 --- /dev/null +++ b/41950-h/41950-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,4706 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=US-ASCII" /> +<title>The Visions of Quevedo, by Dom Francisco de Quevedo</title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + P { margin-top: .75em; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + P.gutsumm { margin-left: 5%;} + P.poetry {margin-left: 3%; } + .GutSmall { font-size: 0.7em; } + H1, H2 { + text-align: center; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + } + H3, H4, H5 { + text-align: center; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; + } + BODY{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + table { border-collapse: collapse; } +table {margin-left:auto; margin-right:auto;} + td { vertical-align: top; border: 1px solid black;} + td p { margin: 0.2em; } + .blkquot {margin-left: 4em; margin-right: 4em;} /* block indent */ + + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + + .pagenum {position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: small; + text-align: right; + font-weight: normal; + color: gray; + } + img { border: none; } + img.dc { float: left; width: 50px; height: 50px; } + p.gutindent { margin-left: 2em; } + div.gapspace { height: 0.8em; } + div.gapline { height: 0.8em; width: 100%; border-top: 1px solid;} + div.gapmediumline { height: 0.3em; width: 40%; margin-left:30%; + border-top: 1px solid; } + div.gapmediumdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 40%; margin-left:30%; + border-top: 1px solid; border-bottom: 1px solid;} + div.gapshortdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 20%; + margin-left: 40%; border-top: 1px solid; + border-bottom: 1px solid; } + div.gapdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 50%; + margin-left: 25%; border-top: 1px solid; + border-bottom: 1px solid;} + div.gapshortline { height: 0.3em; width: 20%; margin-left:40%; + border-top: 1px solid; } + .citation {vertical-align: super; + font-size: .8em; + text-decoration: none;} + img.floatleft { float: left; + margin-right: 1em; + margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } + img.floatright { float: right; + margin-left: 1em; margin-top: 0.5em; + margin-bottom: 0.5em; } + img.clearcenter {display: block; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0.5em; + margin-bottom: 0.5em} + --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> +</head> +<body> +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Visions of Quevedo, by Dom Francisco de +Quevedo, Translated by William Elliot + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: The Visions of Quevedo + + +Author: Dom Francisco de Quevedo + + + +Release Date: January 30, 2013 [eBook #41950] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VISIONS OF QUEVEDO*** +</pre> +<p>Transcribed from the 1832 Literary Rooms edition by David +Price, email ccx074@pglaf.org</p> +<h1><span class="GutSmall">THE</span><br /> +VISIONS OF QUEVEDO.</h1> +<p style="text-align: center">TRANSLATED FROM THE SPANISH.</p> +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center">BY WM. ELLIOT, ESQ.</p> +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center">PHILADELPHIA:<br /> +LITERARY ROOMS, 121 CHESNUT STREET<br /> +HENRY H. PORTER, PROPRIETOR.</p> +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center">1832.</p> +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p><a name="page4"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 4</span>Entered +according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1831, by <span +class="smcap">Henry H. Porter</span>, in the Clerk’s Office +of the District Court, of the Eastern District of +Pennsylvania.</p> +<h2><a name="page5"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +5</span>PREFACE.</h2> +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> Translator of the Visions of +Quevedo, can truly say, that the pleasure he himself derived from +their perusal in the original, alone gave him the idea of +translating them into English. It is believed by the writer +of this article, that the present is the only English translation +of the Visions of Quevedo, although they have been translated +into many other languages, and into French no fewer than five +several times by as many different authors: the last of which, +that has fallen under his notice, was published at Paris in 1812, +the plan of which has been followed in the present version. +The advertisement to that edition, contains the following just +remarks—“The <i>Visions</i>, are regarded as the most +piquant production, that ever came from the fruitful and +ingenious pen of Quevedo, one of the best Spanish writers. +In general, the criticisms they present, although mixed with some +tedious detail, have much point, and do not fail in their +application at the present day.” It is hoped the +reader will condescend to excuse any inaccuracies that have +escaped the translator’s attention, and realize from the +perusal entertainment sufficient to recompense him for his +time.</p> +<h2><a name="page6"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +6</span>CONTENTS.</h2> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p>Notice of the Life of Quevedo</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page7">7</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Night First . . . The Demon</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page11">11</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Night Second . . . Death and her Palace</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page33">33</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Night Third . . . The Last Judgment</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page56">56</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Night Fourth . . . The Country and the Palace of Love</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page70">70</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Night Fifth . . . The World</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page84">84</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Night Sixth . . . Hell</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page101">101</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Night Seventh . . . Reformation of Hell</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page146">146</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<h2><a name="page7"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 7</span>NOTICE +<span class="GutSmall">OF THE</span> LIFE OF QUEVEDO.</h2> +<p><span class="smcap">Fracois de Quevedo de Villegas</span>, a +Spanish gentleman, and knight of the order of Saint James, was +born in 1570, at Villa Nueva de l’Infantado; and not at +Madrid, as has been asserted by Moreri, and repeated after him in +the <i>Historical Dictionary</i> of Lyons. He was lord of +Juan Abbate, in the province of La Mancha, an estate of which he +bore the title. After having visited Italy, France, and all +Spain, and rendered the most signal services to the Spanish +ministry, he took up his residence at Madrid.</p> +<p>During his stay at court, he devoted himself to study and +composition: being considered the most polished writer of his +time, and one who united in himself the greatest versatility of +talent. The taste of Quevedo naturally inclined him to +fictitious composition. Endowed <a name="page8"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 8</span>with keen perceptions, a vivid +imagination, and rapidity of invention, he is not indebted to the +drudgery of research, and other men’s thoughts for his +immortal productions: depending solely upon his own resources, he +was emphatically an original writer.</p> +<p>The author of the <i>Spanish Library</i>, expresses himself of +Quevedo, in the following terms: “He knew how to reconcile +the gravest studies with pleasantries and wit. His style is +embellished with the ornaments of an adroitly managed +application: he has so much finesse, such an immense fund of +invention, of ideas as novel as ingenious—so much soft and +delicate irony: he understands so well, whether in verse or +prose, how to sketch with facility a pleasant or ridiculous +subject, that among gay writers there is not one comparable to +him. Nervous and sublime in heroic poetry, graceful in +lyric verse, full of wit and gaiety in his sportive works, his +genius illuminates the weakest subjects.”</p> +<p>His poetical effusions have been very much sought after. +Nicholas Antonio, an excellent critic, says, also, that in the +higher walks of poetry, he has force and sublimity. His +luxuriant imagination carried him alternately to both sacred and +profane verse. He wrote divers religious treatises, and +many essays extremely <a name="page9"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 9</span>amusing, besides translations in verse +and prose. He published, among other works, the <i>Spanish +Panassus</i>, and the novel known by the name of the +<i>Sharper</i>.</p> +<p>His works have been published in four volumes folio, and in +eleven volumes octavo. They comprise, under the title of +<i>Dreams</i> or <i>Visions</i>, divers works of his, published +at different times, in various places, and with different +titles.</p> +<p>Quevedo, in his old age, was very infirm; and, at an advanced +period of his life, was imprisoned by order of Count +d’Olivarez, for a libel upon his administration, in which +situation he remained till the death of the minister. He +died at Villa Nueva de l’Infantado, the place of his birth, +on the eighth day of September, 1645.</p> +<h2><a name="page11"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 11</span>FIRST +NIGHT.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">THE DEMON.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> prayers of the church being +considered as the most efficacious remedies that can be employed +against the possession of the devil, a malady almost invincible, +some wealthy inhabitants of the country had brought into this +city of Seville, one of their relations, who was thus afflicted, +to confide his cure to a religious of renowned sanctity; or, in +other words, for the purpose of having him exorcised. On +the day assigned for this operation, the possessed was carried to +the church of the Cordeliers, which very soon overflowed with +spectators. The gates having been shut before my arrival, I +engaged a religious of my acquaintance to admit me. He +introduced me by the gate of <a name="page12"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 12</span>the monastery; but I had no sooner +entered the church, than I had reason to repent my curiosity: I +was hustled by the crowd, and overcome with the heat. There +my regards were attracted by an unhappy wretch, of an ill figure, +with wild eyes and dishevelled garments, his hands bound behind +his back, and uttering from time to time the most frightful +yells. There was much impatience testified to behold this +holy priest, of whom I have spoken, whose name was <i>Juan de +Cardanas</i>, father of Barnadino de Cardanas, Capuchin, and +Bishop of Paragua, in America. After the performance of +mass, he found himself so much indisposed, that they were obliged +to postpone the exorcism till another day. I was not sorry; +for, not partaking in the credulity of the people, who often +impute epileptical complaints to the operation of demons, I had +for a long time been desirous of personally verifying those +things they relate concerning the possessions of the devil. +I lost no time in visiting the relations of this unhappy person, +whom I shrewdly suspected had recourse to this adroit method to +rid <a name="page13"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +13</span>themselves of the inconvenience of certain pecadilloes +he had been engaged in. I inspired them with sufficient +confidence to obtain permission to visit their lodgings the +following night, with a view of making such an examination as I +should judge proper. I preferred this time to any other, +that I might the better conceal the defeat of my enterprize if it +should not succeed.</p> +<p>The night being come, I was introduced into the chamber of the +possessed whom they had placed upon a bed in such a manner that +he could not rise. The presence of his friends prevented me +from the proposition of certain questions I had meditated. +The following will serve as a sample:</p> +<p>Is it possible to find out the philosopher’s stone?</p> +<p>Can the quadrature of the circle be discovered?</p> +<p>Is there an universal panacea for every disease?</p> +<p>Is there among herbs, any simples which can inspire love in +women, or protect from blows and wounds?</p> +<p><a name="page14"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 14</span>I had +put in writing some other objects of my curiosity; but as it was +not a convenient time to propound them, I began to feel the pulse +of the possessed. It was frequent and elevated: from time +to time his eyes were troubled; and he had convulsive movements, +from which he suffered very much.</p> +<p>After having examined his body, I examined his mind, speaking +to him in Greek, Hebrew, Turkish, Indian, and even in the Mexican +tongue. He answered me always very appropriately in +Spanish, which convinced me that he was in truth possessed with a +devil; for although he spake not all languages, he nevertheless +understood them, which could not naturally happen without study +or travel. His relations assured me he had done neither the +one nor the other.</p> +<p>I demanded of the demon, what name he had in hell?</p> +<p>He answered, “that he had no other appellation than that +of the employment which he exercised in the world: that he had +been for a long time in the service of an alguazil, in whom he +inspired all the chicanery and <a name="page15"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 15</span>wickedness with which he plagued poor +people.”</p> +<p>Let us remark here, that the word <i>alguazil</i> is borrowed +from the Moresco tongue, and signifies in Spanish, a constable, a +cryer, a clerk, or other subaltern of justice.</p> +<p>“Why,” said I to the demon, “are you entered +into the body of this man?”</p> +<p>“Because he was himself an alguazil, and a person of a +licentious life. After having been banished from his +paternal home, finding himself necessitous, he associated with +alguazils to extort money, under pretence of executing the +decrees of justice, and in the arrest of bodies, which he often +abandoned for small sums. It was in the execution of this +business, that he stole a silver cup from the house of a country +curate, and subtracted a purse of one hundred ducats from the +pocket of a man, who, for the stuff, was delivered from the hands +of justice.”</p> +<p>I asked him if there were many of these people in hell?</p> +<p>“Very many,” answered he: “the constables +have neither honour nor conscience; <a name="page16"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 16</span>they drive their trade whether they +know any thing of the matter or not: in that particular they +resemble the poets. You shall scarcely find in hell, a +single poet, who will not tell you that he was sent there on +account of the versified lies he told in praise of some +beauty. The poetic spirit hath its origin in the +disposition of the heart, to receive tender impressions: it is +the lover of heroism and romance; and to sustain this character, +must necessarily make use of much artifice. The old poets +serve as secretaries to young lovers; the young ones are +ambitious of blazing as the heroes of their own +compositions. There are so many poets in hell, that it can +hardly fail of aggrandizing their quarter. I wish to speak +in such a manner, that you may comprehend the nature of their +occupations and torments there; but of which you cannot have an +adequate idea, unless I shall here adduce some +examples:—</p> +<p>“When these authors enter the subterranean abodes, they +look around for a Charon, a dog Cerberus, a Rhadamanthus, a +Pluto, and all the infernal divinities of fable. In <a +name="page17"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 17</span>place of +that, the demons make them realize, that this is a place much +more horrible than that: but this is not their severest +punishment; they are forced to hear the compositions of other +poets, who are their superiors in talent; then they are tormented +by jealousy; they hate the <i>epigrams</i> of Martial, the +<i>stanzas</i> of Catullus, the <i>odes</i> of Horace, the +<i>beauties</i> of Virgil, the <i>satires</i> of Juvenal, the +<i>comedies</i> of Terence, and the <i>tragedies</i> of +Seneca. It is thus also the historians suffer, when they +listen to the histories of Herodotus, of Titus, Livy, of Sallust, +and of Cæsar.</p> +<p>“What a punishment for these rhymsters, when they +recollect their own works! You cannot imagine the pain they +experience, in finding a felicitous rhyme, a happy epithet, a +just pause, or an harmonious cadence: they are more tormented by +an <i>a</i> or an <i>e</i>, than Tantalus is by thirst, or the +Italians are with their jealousy, when they have Frenchmen at +their houses. And the comic poets, how are they punished, +for having filched away the reputation of so many princesses and +queens of Castile, of Leon, of Arragon, and other places! +<a name="page18"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 18</span>This is as +fertile a field for them, as all the wars of the Moors of +Granada; but for these larcenies, they suffer sharper agonies as +Christians, than will ever be inflicted upon the barbarians and +Mohammedans, for all their battles and burnings, or upon the +alguazils, even for their violences and exactions.</p> +<p>“Behold, in review of the subject,” said the +demon, who spake by the mouth of the possessed, “there is a +much nearer resemblance between poets and alguazils, than one +would, at a first glance, imagine.”</p> +<p>“A fine comparison,” said I, “for such a +false spirit as you!”</p> +<p>“How!” answered he, “are not poets and +alguazils both thieves? and if you would but confess it, you well +know, that in making these remarks of poets, I speak to a poet, +whom I wish to undeceive. Do you not recollect the old +Spanish proverb, <i>He who never composed two verses</i>, <i>had +no wit</i>; <i>and he who produced four</i>, <i>was a +fool</i>?”</p> +<p>“I confess,” said I, “that to be a poet, one +must have an original turn of imagination; and the same +qualification is necessary to a painter: <a +name="page19"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 19</span>one would +find it very difficult to assume, without merit, the rank of +Apelles and Michael Angelo: but as they cannot justly call these +celebrated artists so generally admired, fools, so neither do I +believe they can accuse of folly the great poets of Spain, of +Italy, of France, of Turkey, of Persia, and of China: for in all +these places they have made verses.”</p> +<p>“Yes,” said he, “and in all these places +there are fools, alguazils, painters, astrologers, jealous or +complaisant husbands, mountebanks, perfumers, plagiaries, +triflers, and slaves of business or pleasure. All these, +under pretext of pleasure or justice, steal, without compunction, +the wealth of others.”</p> +<p>“Oh!” said I to him, “I now recognize in you +a true demon; you delight to lie, and in crying out that all who +serve the public rob them, you enhance their reputation. +But tell me what robbery a magistrate commits, when he obeys, and +wishes to compel others to obey, the laws of his prince? when, in +fine, he distributes to every one justice? Without justice, +which punishes and avenges, no one could enjoy security in his +own house. A whole city <a name="page20"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 20</span>might be given up to pillage, and +become more horrible than the hell you inhabit; a state of things +which must excite a very just indignation among reasonable +people; that is, among those who understand the principles of +order, equity, and natural right. And what a picture would +every family offer! Children opposing themselves to their +fathers, and servants against their masters; brothers would make +laws for brothers, and mothers have no authority over their +daughters!”</p> +<p>“Behold,” said the demon, “a superb +description of the disorder which would happen, if the gentlemen +of justice did not make it their duty to become the first +robbers!”</p> +<p>“Do you call the pecuniary penalties they impose, +robbery?” replied I. “They are wisely +established as a check upon avarice and usury, which are the ruin +of families. The fines they impose are regarded sometimes +as extortions; but they are not so; for if the community provided +not for the necessities of all, do you believe that individuals +would furnish of themselves, what is necessary for the republic? +do you believe they would contribute <a name="page21"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 21</span>without a demand? There is not +among the officers of government, so much cupidity and bad faith, +as you charge them with. But answer me: without their +assistance, their care, their vigilance, would there be any +security to emperors, kings, popes, and bishops in their beds, or +repose in their dignities?”</p> +<p>“I have not,” said the demon, “so bad a +tongue as you believe. I know, truly, all the affairs of +the world, and the state of every condition in republics. +In accusing the most of mankind, I do them no injustice: and +those evils which you say would happen, without the assistance of +those who are appointed to execute the laws, happen in spite of +their wisdom. The worst of it is, they are brought about by +those very persons who are expected to prevent it, and who are +paid for that object. Whence has it arisen that so many +emperors have been killed, so many kings dethroned, so many popes +declared anti-popes, so many bishops dismissed, so many +magistrates suppressed, so many families ruined, so many cities +pillaged, so many provinces reduced to famine? It is by the +ministers of justice, by <a name="page22"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 22</span>the overseers of administrations, +that all these things are done, either directly or indirectly: +directly, with a view to profit by the disorder; or indirectly, +from a culpable inertness. How do so many officers of the +long robe contrive to live? They lengthen out their robes +with the pieces they snatch from the officers of the short +robes. A man who goes to law, may be compared to him who +orders a coat: he will have a good coat, but yet not receive all +the stuff he delivered to his tailor. He will take enough +for two pair of sleeves, and two fore parts; he will take twice +as many buttons, twice as much silk, binding, and lining, as is +necessary for one garment; and you shall have but one, when you +ought to have two out of the cloth you purchased. A Spanish +grandee, wishing to have a coat in the French style, purchased as +much cloth as the tailor demanded of him, whom he also left at +liberty to take as much lining, assorted to the colour of the +cloth. After they had taken his measure, he caused them to +call the tailor, and told him that he desired the lining of one +coat to be red, and that of the other yellow.</p> +<p><a name="page23"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +23</span>“‘How, my lord,’ said the tailor, +‘do you wish me to make two coats, when you have given me +stuff but for one?’</p> +<p>“‘Yes; I do expect it,’ said the grandee; +‘and if you do not make them both sufficiently large, I +will put you in a safe place.’</p> +<p>“The tailor, who feared the prison, made two garments as +long and large as they ought to be, without purchasing another +shred of cloth. When he brought them home, the lord caused +all the stuff to be measured by an engineer, in his service; he +found that it yet wanted half a quarter of an ell, besides the +little pieces he was forced to cut out for the angles. This +was not all; the Spanish grandee, whose name I can tell you, +which was <i>Don Pedro de Saccaso</i>, wished that the master +tailor should pay him for two garments, which he cabbaged out of +stuff he had delivered him the preceding spring; and as the +tailor cried out at this injustice, the grandee refused to pay +him for the fashion, lining, and trimming of gold of these two +last. Thus you will comprehend,” observed the demon, +“in what particular the people charged with the <a +name="page24"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +24</span>administration of justice resemble tailors, and in what +manner they are unjust, even in rendering justice. In their +suits they generally make certain pieces of meadow or vineyard +the object of contention; and if the parties complain of want of +money to pay their fees, they take from them that which they +demand at their tribunal.”</p> +<p>“So,” said I to the demon, “there is no +justice upon earth!”</p> +<p>“No, no, there is none,” added he; “and it +is not to-day, that for the first time the complaint has been +uttered. The fable says, that Astrea being come with truth +among men, was obliged to return to heaven, because no person +would receive her. Truth met with the same fate, after +having wandered through the world, sometimes among the Egyptians, +sometimes among the Greeks, sometimes among the Romans, and +sometimes even among the Chinese; she was constrained, at length, +to retire to the house of a poor mute, who yet, by false and +equivocal signs, gave her to understand that he wished to get rid +of her company. She then returned to the place from whence +she <a name="page25"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +25</span>came. Justice perceiving they would not tolerate +her in courts, among the abodes of princes, in palaces, or great +cities, fled into the villages, where, however, she did not tarry +a long-time; for the stewards of the lords, that is, those +ignorant stewards who seek but to amass money with which to pay +their charges, gave her chase, and forced her to regain her own +country. The beauty of Astrea, or Justice, resembles that +of the stars—shining, noble, and worthy of admiration; but +this is only when beheld at a distance; for were you to approach +too near to a star, although it appears to you so diminutive, it +would consume you in an instant. Justice is fair, but she +is proud, austere, rigid, inexorable, and no respecter of +persons: she wishes to be sought and beloved, but she loves not +one friend more than another; and like love, she travels a little +in the rear. Is it possible to find any thing more exact, +more faithful, more laborious, more submissive, more complaisant, +than a violent love? It fails not in the minutest +particular; it knows no concealment; nothing appears difficult to +it; it is always <a name="page26"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +26</span>ready to obey, accounting no toil disagreeable; in the +desire, to please, it finds every thing just as it wishes. +Justice does the same in another sense, for she meets with +exactness in the slightest circumstance: she is faithful in the +least things; she is laborious, and fears no pain; she is +submissive to the laws which she imposes; she is complaisant for +herself, and even sometimes appears unjust, so impartial and +rigorous is she.”</p> +<p>“I suppose then,” said I, “there are many +judges in hell, if what you say is correct, which seems to me +very probable.”</p> +<p>“Yes,” replied the demon, “they are there in +great numbers, and we have put them in the same place with +thieves and robbers. One circumstance that will surprise +you, is, that their multitude is as considerable as that of the +amorous; although they have among the former, only the men who +were judges: and among the latter, men and women who have loved +once at least in their lives.”</p> +<p>“You wish to give me to understand,” said I to +him, “that there are many lovers in hell; but can that +be? If men were damned for <a name="page27"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 27</span>this passion, no person should be +exempt from your infernal jurisdiction. But this passion +hath one great advantage; it is conformable to the charity that +men owe to one another, and is always accompanied with +repentance, and certain remorse of conscience, when it departs +from those who have been possessed. One sees young girls +even, who repent of their faults. How many religions houses +are founded by penitence! how many old coquettes give themselves +up to devotion! how many men follow their example, after love has +fled with beauty, constitution, and wealth!”</p> +<p>“But,” said the demon, “how many men and +women, young and old, die in their amours, and count you for +nothing the despair, the chagrin, the secret pains under which so +many lovers have succumbed? Know you not that some +temperaments are so affected by this passion, that they quit it +but with life? If I should relate to you the histories of +both sexes perverted by the perusal of gallant adventures, and +having no other desire in their souls but to experience the like; +if I should <a name="page28"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +28</span>cause you to see the occupations of these people in +hell, you would pity some, while you could not help laughing at +the folly of others. You would see young men burning at the +feet of their mistresses; and old ones, who, to please theirs, +are continually shaving themselves, or plucking out their beard, +and who put on bland perukes, to give themselves a youthful +appearance; young girls, who imagine themselves to be Cleopatras, +Artemisias, and Clelias; old coquettes, who paint themselves +continually before their glass, who torment their locks, +tightening the forehead-cloth to efface the wrinkles, and +adjusting to the mouth artificial teeth of ivory or wax: but all +their cases are lost, since there is nothing substantial in the +other world. You would be astonished, if I were to point +out to you all the girls who have taken certain means to hide the +effects of their love sports. It would of necessity be +seen, how many surgeons and physicians follow in their train; and +if any one should inquire why these people are in hell, who have +rendered such universal service, I answer, because they ought not +to <a name="page29"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 29</span>afford +assistance to every one. Can they, for instance,” +added he, “conscientiously administer those remedies to +cause hemorrhages, which end in abortion?”</p> +<p>And as I was about to observe, that the physicians could not +be cognizant of a malady which they would not discover—</p> +<p>“I understand you,” interrupted the demon: +“be sure they know well enough, without that; at any rate, +it is their duty to know, or to suspect.”</p> +<p>“But,” said I to him, “is there not another +secret you have omitted, of similar effect to the assistance of +the physicians?”</p> +<p>“Yes,” he answered: “there are the +poisoners, sorcerers, and adroit women, who teach these +mysteries; and there are some in hell who yet continue this +infamous practice.”</p> +<p>“You would have it understood,” said I, +“that you are a good devil; a devil of honour and +conscience: you would make a good preacher; the flock would +doubtless edify by your sermons.”</p> +<p>“Be persuaded,” said he, “that if I preach +not agreeable things, I announce wholesome <a +name="page30"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 30</span>truths: +believe also, that I have many preachers dependent upon me. +‘Who are they?’ you inquire. They are those who +preach for their own glory, to establish a reputation, to acquire +celebrity, to gain benefices, and levy contributions upon poor +devotees. They commit wickedness in doing good to others; +in teaching and edifying them. If we lose the hearers +through the instrumentality of their discourses, we gain the +pastors, which is more honourable to us. Finally, I declare +to you, that it is by the order of God, that I speak to you +before all these persons: I warn you, in particular, that you are +lost, unless you abandon all the projects of ambition you have +formed, and unless you renounce poetry, which is at the same time +so agreeable and fatal.</p> +<p>“Draw near,” said he, to an old man, a relation of +the possessed: “restore the three farms you illegally +detain. You, young man, imitate Hercules no more with your +strength and intrigue; Hercules is dead; you may find men who +will kill you.—You old judge of the village, you have a +very delicate and perilous <a name="page31"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 31</span>charge: you were the valet of the +lord of the domain; you have preserved in your new station, the +spirit of servitude, which is not sympathetic with justice. +The petition of your ancient master, you stupid wretch. The +three peasants who have bound and strangled the helpless patient +upon his bed, are those who enjoy the benefit. It is now +six years since the farm-house of their master was consumed with +fire: they ought to be punished for these crimes.—As to +those young ladies, they would do well not to admit, for the +future, the two strangers, whom they entertain every evening in +their chambers, and whom they introduce by the garden. +Profit, all of you, by what you have now heard: I shall speak to +you no more, for to-morrow the priest comes to exorcise me, and I +shall depart from the body of this subject, it being the will of +God that I should go forth, to attest his power and the glory of +his name.”</p> +<p>The demon having finished this discourse, took pleasure in +tormenting the possessed, and making him utter moving +cries. I feared the neighbourhood would be alarmed, and <a +name="page32"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 32</span>that some one +would recognize me in a place where I could not be with +honour. In returning to my house, I reflected upon the +wisdom of God, who draweth good from evil, and causeth demons to +speak as angels of light. The prophet hath also remarked, +that divine Providence disposeth things in such a manner, that +the hands of our enemies can conduce to our welfare. This +is the first possessed I ever saw in the course of my life, and +the first time I ever conversed with a demon. God grant +that I may never behold another, neither in this world, nor in +the world to come!</p> +<h2><a name="page33"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 33</span>SECOND +NIGHT<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">DEATH AND HER PALACE.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">There</span> are those who affirm that +none but the wicked are subjected to unpleasant thoughts. I +have been acquainted with many persons, but I could never find +one who was not ready to confess, there were moments of sadness +that invaded the soul, the cause of which they could not +explain. These spring, sometimes from a vicious +temperament: the humours mixing themselves with the blood, carry +to the brain those spirits that trace upon the imagination +frightful and whimsical figures, from whence come those +disagreeable dreams and visions that surprise us in the +night. Dreams proceed often from heaven, often from the +devil, and frequently from natural causes; thus we have thoughts +of death, after conversation on the subject, or having read a +book that treated of it. To speak plainly, it seems that +Providence sends us such dreams, for the purpose of forcing our +attention to the consideration of those subjects we are generally +<a name="page34"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 34</span>reluctant +to reflect upon. Such is, without doubt, the origin of this +I have had concerning death.</p> +<p>I read one night before retiring, the verse of Lucretius, one +of the most learned men, and best poets of antiquity. I +found an eminently beautiful passage, where he says, that all +nature, with one consent, elevating her voice, speaks thus to +mankind:—“Why, O mortals, do you groan for such a +length of time, and why are you so sharply afflicted? Why +do you submit to the slavery of flying from death, and the fear +thereof? Why do you continually reflect upon the pleasures +of youth? The enjoyments of this season have passed with +the days you regret, as grain escapes from a sack, from whence it +finds an issue. You are fatigued with the world; why do you +not quit it, as one who returns satisfied from a feast, where the +viands were exquisite, and the pleasure of the highest +flavour? You are convicted of a strange folly: it is in +your power to enjoy tranquillity; why not, then, seize upon +possession? Why fear death, that will render you +invulnerable?”</p> +<p><a name="page35"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 35</span>Such +are the sentiments of the poet, and they appear like those of a +saint; but this is nature, or rather, natural reason, teaching us +that death is not so frightful as we are apt to imagine; and I am +not therefore surprised, that heathen philosophers have exhibited +so constant an example of exalted morality.</p> +<p>Likewise I remember what Job has said upon the brevity of +human life, and the swift arrival of death. “The life +of man,” says this illustrious patriarch, “is of +short duration: it is a flower, that before it is scarcely blown, +is despoiled of its leaves: it is a shadow, which flies with the +rapidity of the wind, without remaining stationary a single +moment;” and yet, in spite of its brevity, life is subject +to so much calamity, that it is doubtful whether it should not +rather be called misery, than life.</p> +<p>Indulging in these grave meditations, I threw myself upon my +bed, and slept. My spirit was free from external +impressions. I thought there came into the places where my +fancy had transported me, a great multitude of physicians, +mounted upon mules, the housings of which, were clothes of the +dead. In <a name="page36"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +36</span>the suit of these physicians, who had an air of sourness +and chagrin, followed a crowd of apothecaries, surgeons, and +young barbers, who carried the drugs or instruments pertaining to +their professions. When the physicians had descended from +their mules, they began to dance a ballet, to the sound of the +mortars and sieves the apothecaries and their adjuncts played +upon. This ballet was interspersed with songs, in which the +physicians took the upper part; the words of one of them were as +follows:—</p> +<blockquote><p>“Catholicum, rhubarbarae, opiata, +theriaca,<br /> +Opoponach, O opium, O laudanum anodinum,<br /> +Polychrestum diureticum, senne anisatum.”</p> +</blockquote> +<p>Two young physicians performed the air in these +words:—</p> +<blockquote><p>“Recipe, recipe, recipe, recipe senne,<br /> +Dragmas duas, dragmas duas, dragmas duas,<br /> + Semi-dragmum rhei electac,<br /> + Scrupulum unum polychresti,<br /> +Infundantur, percolentur, hauriantur,<br /> + Horâ sextâ +matutinâ,<br /> +Recipe, recipe, recipe, etc.”</p> +</blockquote> +<p>Two surgeons answered to that, <i>seca</i>; <i>ure</i>; <a +name="page37"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 37</span>that is to +say, <i>cut</i>, <i>burn</i>; and directly both joined in +chorus—these repeating <i>recipe</i>, the others +<i>ure</i>, and the last dancing.</p> +<p>This troop having sat, there entered another composed of +newsmongers, and people who followed them to learn what was +transacted abroad in England, France, Holland, Italy, and other +places. After these entered solicitors, stewards of noble +estates, soldiers, priests, and other persons whom I did not +know. This cavalcade was terminated by a woman of monstrous +stature, meagre, pale, and having a very extraordinary +equipage. Her head dress consisted of crowns, tiaras, +electoral bonnets, mitres, red and black hats, hats of straw, +turbans, and bonnets of wool and silk: upon one side of the head, +she had her hair curled and powdered; upon the other, shaven +after the fashion of monks. Her robe was tissue of thread, +wool, and silk, ornamented with trimmings of gold and silver, +chaplets, precious stones, and pearls: she had upon her feet and +legs, shoes of iron, wood, and leather: she bore upon a sceptre, +a shepherd’s crook, a scythe, and a great club: she <a +name="page38"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 38</span>had one eye +open, and the other shut; and carried, pendant from her neck, a +sand box, with crosses of the order of Saint James, of the Holy +Ghost, and the medals of other military orders: her gait was +alternately slow, then quick and precipitate. She +approached my bed, and said, “Arise, Chevalier, follow +me!”</p> +<p>“But, before I follow thee,” replied I, +“inform me who you are.”</p> +<p>“I am <i>Death</i>,” answered she; “follow +me!”</p> +<p>“Is it your pleasure, then, that I should +die?”</p> +<p>“No, no! follow me, and leave behind thy garment; for a +person is not to be clothed when he follows Death. I will +show you my empire, and my subjects. I am the queen of +queens, the empress of sovereigns, the sovereign of the human +race; and the powers of earth are but my inspectors.”</p> +<p>“How!” exclaimed I, “dare you to say the +king of Spain is your inspector? he who possesses so many +territories in the world?”</p> +<p><a name="page39"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +39</span>“Follow, follow,” said Death; “I will +show you.”</p> +<p>Immediately all those who were there, went out in the same +order they had entered: Death following the rear of the +procession, and I following Death.</p> +<p>We traversed vast plains and deserts, which resembled +cemeteries, or fields of battle, covered with dead. +Directly I perceived, at a distance, an immense castle, built in +the antique style; and when I had drawn near, I observed that the +materials were nothing but bones cemented with blood and +apothecaries’ drugs. The three porters in the court +were very pleasant to the sight. The first resembled a +harlequin assuming divers attitudes, and having upon his habits +the figures of kingdoms and provinces of the earth; in such a +fashion, indeed, that I seemed to look upon a geographical map: +his name was the <i>World</i>. The second, who called +himself the <i>Flesh</i>, was naked, like those figures of +Priapus one sees upon medals. The third was armed, <i>cap a +pie</i>, in gold and silver, like a curassier. They told me +those three guards were the enemies <a name="page40"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 40</span>of the world, and the porters of +Death. The pavement of the court was of human sculls, as +well as that of the chambers: these sculls were arranged in such +a manner, that they resembled a chess board; some being white, +and others, having the hair upon them, appeared black. In +the middle of this court was a fountain of tears: the figures +about the basin, represented Uneasiness, Envy, Jealousy, Despair, +Knavery, Sickness, Medicine, War, Revenge, and Love. The +tapestries of the chambers were all upon particular +subjects. One might see in one piece, people contracting +marriage; in another, lawyers pleading a case; in this, merchants +preparing for bankruptcy; in that, <i>honest</i> thieves upon the +grand tour, stripping the peasantry. The others represented +an ecclesiastic, who, dying in his bed, has, in his last moments, +the satisfaction of seeing his house pillaged; a courier riding +from Madrid to Rome, to solicit a benefice; a tiler falling from +the roof of a house; a drunken sailor precipitating himself from +his vessel into the sea; a house burning with such rapidity, that +its master is consumed in <a name="page41"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 41</span>the flames; in fine, one might there +perceive every species of human death.</p> +<p>But none of these impressed me with so much horror, as the +paintings in fresco under the grand portico. There were +here servants who strangled their master to obtain his money; +children who assassinated their father, to come more speedily +into possession of his property; subjects who kill their king, +after having pronounced his condemnation; a woman who poisons her +husband; and a mistress who does the same to her lover, to +revenge his infidelity.</p> +<p>In the middle of this gallery, was a colossal figure, +representing Ingratitude, and elevated upon a pedestal; the +relief of which presented on the one side Cruelty, on the second +Infidelity, on the third Interest, on the fourth Ambition. +The base was ornamented with sculptural emblems of sporting +cupids, satyrs, lions, and cats.</p> +<p>After having traversed the whole extent of this apartment, +Death entered into a grand and magnificent hall; the sable +hangings of which were sown with white drops, like the <a +name="page42"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 42</span>ornaments +commonly seen on monuments in burying places. In this hall +stood a throne composed of dead men’s bones, and which +appeared like ivory: four leg bones formed the supporters; two +arms, with their hands, the arms of the seat; a spinal bone, with +those of the thighs, composed the back part; the two pommels +above were two sculls, and the seat was of other bones. It +was ascended by four steps, the first of which was called +<i>infancy</i>, the second <i>youth</i>, the third +<i>manhood</i>, and the fourth <i>old age</i>. Death being +seated, the whole medical corps ranged themselves on either side, +the others being seated at their feet.</p> +<p>Death spake for some time upon the limits of life, and of the +grandeur of her empire: she finished her discourse by observing +that there was but one way of coming into existence, but many +ways of quitting it. She then gave a general order for the +dead to appear, and all at once I saw them fall from the +wainscot, and come from the walls and pavement. +“Speak,” said the queen, “each in +turn.”</p> +<p>The first who commenced, said, “I am <a +name="page43"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 43</span>Romulus, +first king of Rome; my ministers not being able to tolerate my +government, wished to change it; they caused me to be +assassinated, and a report spread, that I had, in their presence, +been translated to heaven.”</p> +<p>“I am,” said another, “Cæsar, first +emperor of the Romans: the senate caused me to perish by the hand +of my adopted son.”</p> +<p>A third, “I am the emperor Claudius, poisoned by my +wife.”</p> +<p>A fourth, “I am Alexander the great; I died in the very +bosom of a debauch.”</p> +<p>A fifth, “I am Codrus, king of the Athenians; I died for +my country.”</p> +<p>“And I,” exclaimed a sixth, “am <i>Charles +the fifth</i>, whose bones my son exhumed, and burnt.”</p> +<p>In like manner appeared many of the illustrious dead, now +confounded with all kinds of people. When they had spoken, +they formed a great circle, in the midst of which I perceived a +large bottle, from whence issued a voice, that said, “I am +that famous necromancer, the great magician of Europe. I +caused myself to be cut in pieces by one of <a +name="page44"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 44</span>my servants, +and shut up in this vessel, expecting my members would re-unite, +and my body be renewed in its pristine youth; I know not whether +the secret was false, or if he neglected to follow strictly my +orders; but after boiling a long time, I formed only a gross, +misshapen, and lifeless mass.”</p> +<p>“You then were of opinion,” said death, +“that the soul was but a subtle fire; a flame that could +animate your body, and repair itself!”</p> +<p>“Yes,” answered the necromancer.</p> +<p>“Close the vessel again,” said Death.</p> +<p>When all the by-standers had been heard, they were required to +put their names upon a great book; and while they were writing, I +saw the bottle move towards me. The necromancer within +immediately commenced a conversation with me; inquiring, +“who reigns in Spain? Does Venice yet exist? +What is the news in France? Are the Calvinists constantly +triumphant?”</p> +<p>I answered him, “Philip IV. reigns in Spain; Venice is +still beautiful, rich, and <a name="page45"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 45</span>powerful: the Calvinists and their +king are always invincible.”</p> +<p>He then besought me to break the bottle. As I hesitated, +not being without certain qualms of fear, it swelled, and burst +of itself. I then saw what it had contained expand into a +human form, and rising up, resumed the discourse in this +manner:—</p> +<p>“As it is impossible for me to return again into the +world, place us henceforth among the dead magicians.”</p> +<p>In the place of the bottle, there appeared an old man with a +great head and a long beard: he was of a grave mein, and held a +globe in his hand.</p> +<p>“I am,” said he, “Nestradamus, that great +French astrologer, who predicted, during my life, every thing +that has since happened.”</p> +<p>“How,” said I, “are you he that composed +those famous centuries, which, after death, were found in your +tomb? Resolve me, I pray you, one of your prophecies now in +my mind:—</p> +<blockquote><p>“‘The sign of Aries shall the world +command;<br /> +Taurus shall rule the waves and solid land;<br /> +<a name="page46"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 46</span>Mother and +sire the virgin shall deceive,<br /> +The mother’s breasts the tender twins shall +leave.’”</p> +</blockquote> +<p>“That,” said the astrologer, “is as clear as +the light of day; and signifies, that married men shall +frequently resemble rams: the love of woman, represented by the +bull, shall mingle itself with affairs of every kind; the +daughter divert herself spite of the advice of her father, and +the sons laugh at maternal expostulation.”</p> +<p>“And this, what is its signification?” demanded +I:—</p> +<blockquote><p>“‘Mothers soon shall children bear,<br +/> +Who to name no sire shall dare;<br /> +None of all the babes they bear,<br /> +E’er shall lack a father’s care.’”</p> +</blockquote> +<p>“That is equally easy of explanation. I wish to +convey the idea, that many children shall call those fathers, who +are not so; and shall have fathers whom they will never +discover.”</p> +<p>He would have departed, after explaining these two prophecies; +but I stopped him, entreating him only to tell me the meaning of +this last:—</p> +<blockquote><p><a name="page47"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +47</span>“‘Before another year is born,<br /> +Many a goose quill shall be worn;<br /> +Many a quill the ether bear,<br /> +Many a man shall dance in air;<br /> +Men shall sorely rue the attack,<br /> +Of grey goose quill and Doctor Quack;<br /> +Merchants be in bankrupt plight,<br /> +Nobles turn to blackguards quite;<br /> +Province, city, town, and village,<br /> +Soon shall soldiers sack and pillage;<br /> +Lads and lasses soon shall try,<br /> +What darkness hides from every eye;<br /> +No more shall widows’ weeds endure;<br /> +The cloister virgins shall immure.’”</p> +</blockquote> +<p>“That signifies,” said Nostradamus, who was in +haste to depart, “that one half of the world shall pillage +the other; the people of justice shall rob by their pen; false +witnesses will support themselves by hanging upon their skirts; +the physicians will kill with physic, and be well paid for it; +the merchants thrive by bankruptcy; nobles shall be ruined by +their stewards; the soldiers will lay all under contribution; +children shall rob one another; widows contract new nuptials, and +to enjoy the portions of their daughters, make <a +name="page48"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 48</span>nuns of +them. Let go!”—and he hastily left me.</p> +<p>I then perceived before me a good old man, of a very sad +aspect, who demanded if I was dead?</p> +<p>“No,” answered I; “living, and at your +service.”</p> +<p>“Good!” said he; “I expect a favour of +you. You must know, I am called <i>They</i>. I also +bear the appellation of <i>Somebody</i>, of <i>Another</i>, of a +<i>certain Personage</i>, of <i>Author</i>, and of <i>I know +who</i>. While I lived in the world, I was accused of +having said and done every thing which could not be traced: if a +false report was circulated, it was <i>they</i> who had broached +it: if any one was found assassinated in the high way, it was +<i>they</i> who had killed him: if there was a man with a bad +face, this was <i>somebody</i>: if it was imprudent to name a +person in an affair, they called him <i>a certain person</i>: if +a writer advanced bold things, this was an <i>author</i>, who had +spoken on the first impression: and, finally, when the author was +entirely concealed, it was <i>I know who</i>, that had said or +acted thus and <a name="page49"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +49</span>so. All this time I neither said nor did any +thing; I appeared no where; I knew not what passed, and kept +house both day and night; the chagrin of seeing myself in so bad +repute, fairly put an end to my existence. I demand, +therefore, of you, to vindicate me to your friends, and those +persons over whom you have any influence, that they may not in +future charge me with any thing; for, since I am dead, I can of +course have nothing more to do with the world.”</p> +<p>I promised the old gentleman I would remember what he desired, +and he retired contented. At this moment a young woman +coming up to me, fell upon my neck, exclaiming,</p> +<p>“My dear Æneas, have you at length arrived! +I have for a long time wished to see you. Virgil hath +spoken very illy of you: he has published a history of our loves, +which we knew nothing of: I have sought you among all the dead, +without being able to find you; but I know, from your air, that +you are Æneas; for, as you have been the greatest and most +illustrious of heroes, so here you surpass all the dead in +demeanour and beauty.”</p> +<p><a name="page50"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 50</span>As the +surprise I felt at this unmerited compliment prevented answer, +she continued to speak, and embraced me so vehemently, that I was +compelled to cry out.</p> +<p>“Peace, there!” commanded the officer of the +chamber, who was called <i>Silence</i>.</p> +<p>I still continued to bawl out; and said to Madame Dido, +“O Queen of Carthage! will you not be undeceived? I +am Don Francisco de Quevedo de Villegas, Chevalier of the order +of Saint James!”</p> +<p>“Behold!” replied the queen, “behold this +drunkard, who, being a Trojan, would fain pass himself off for a +Spaniard! Go, pious Æneas; Virgil hath done thee no +great wrong in describing thee as thou art. Where is thy +Palladium? thy nurse? thy son Ascanias? where are thy companions? +why are you here without attendants?”</p> +<p>“Be not disquieted,” said I: “address +yourself to Charon; he would know you as well as Æneas, who +abandoned you in Africa; that was a meet punishment for your +prudery: but you have not yet been able to forget a man, who +surrendered his native city to the <a name="page51"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 51</span>Greeks, and fled from his ruined +country. You are a victim of love!”</p> +<p>“And you,” said she, retiring, “are very +credulous!”</p> +<p>The officer again commanded silence, and before I had time to +add any thing more, I saw approaching a dead person of great +size, with horns upon his head, and who ran towards me as though +he was going to strike with them. I stretched out my arms +to defend myself, and perceiving near me a large fork, that +supported the tapestry, I took it in my hand, and firmly awaited +his onset.</p> +<p>“Do you recognize,” said he, “Don Diego +Moreno, whom you have called in your poems Signor +Cornuto?”</p> +<p>“Yes,” replied I; “and to convince you, that +I neither fear you, living nor dead, take in advance a blow with +this fork;” and at that endeavoured to run him through, but +his bones were too hard. Moreno then gave me a blow with +his head, and casting himself upon me, threw me down: I stuck to +his sides, inserting my fingers into the openings beneath the +sternum, and as he arose, came <a name="page52"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 52</span>up with him. This noise causing +considerable confusion in the assembly, I saw coming upon me, a +great number of the dead, armed in the same manner with Moreno; +and as they pressed upon one another, each anxious to pass his +neighbour, their bones made a very curious clicking. In the +mean time, others marshalled themselves in front, to protect me +from their assault.</p> +<p>During these transactions, Death sat upon her throne in +silence, attentive only to the inscription of her subjects names; +and as the secretaries happened to finish at a moment when there +was a slight cessation in our tumult, the officer +cried—</p> +<p>“Peace—listen!”</p> +<p>I seized this occasion to demand justice of the queen.</p> +<p>“I supplicate your sovereign majesty,” said I, +“to do me justice on Diego Moreno, who has insulted me in +this palace; striking me with his horns, knocking me down, and +exciting against me the whole host of cuckolds.”</p> +<p>“What defence do you make to this accusation, +Moreno?” asked the queen.</p> +<p><a name="page53"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +53</span>“Mighty and wan princess,” replied he, +“behold the man who caused me to pass in the world as a +Vulcan, or a faun: I have always lived pleasantly with my wife, +never objecting to the French method, of receiving at her house +priests, soldiers, lawyers, politicians, merchants, and strangers +of every country. As the house had a great deal of good +company, where nothing was wanting, although my wife was no +expense to me, I found it very convenient; and because I profited +by the follies of others, because I made that a part of my +revenue, because I took advantage of my wife’s friends, to +amass an estate for my children, the chevalier Quevedo derided +me, rendering me ridiculous by his poems, and representing me as +the prince of accommodating husbands; he called me a ram, and +made me one of the signs of the zodiac: not content with that, he +even comes hither, and strikes me with a fork. I demand +that he should be retained here, and that he be put in a +situation during his slumbers, that will effectually prevent his +waking.”</p> +<p><a name="page54"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +54</span>“Which of the two began the affray?” said +Death.</p> +<p>“It was I,” answered Moreno.</p> +<p>“<i>We ordain</i> then, that the name and memory of +Moreno shall never be forgotten in Spain; that his grave shall be +opened, and his compatriots, if any yet exist, shall make a +pilgrimage, to render homage to his ashes.”</p> +<p>After that, they called over the names of the dead; and as +they were called, they answered <i>adsum</i>, “I am +here.” Hearing my own name pronounced, which was also +that of my uncle and god-father, I answered, as the others, +<i>adsum</i>; at which mistake Moreno taking advantage to laugh +at me, I hit him a heavy blow with my fist upon his head; but I +hurt myself more than him, for I almost broke my fingers. +Moreno cast himself upon me; I stood firm, and thus we were again +engaged in a new combat. They endeavoured to separate us, +but I had entangled my hands in such a manner, in the bones of +his arms, that I could not withdraw them; and as they pulled me +on one side, and him on the other, it gave me such exquisite +pain, that I awoke, <a name="page55"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +55</span>happy and thankful to find myself in my bed. I +reviewed in my mind all I had seen and heard, and which is here +reported.</p> +<p>This vision made such a forcible impression upon my +imagination, that I yet seem to behold the palace of death, the +audience of the dead, and Moreno pouncing upon me: finally, I +made many reflections upon what I had seen. It is but too +true, that all mankind must die; that we are surrounded with +constant peril; that there is but one thing that can insure a +tranquil death, and that is, a blameless life. But to live +well, one must often think of death. I believe the dream I +have just rehearsed, was inspired by heaven; for otherwise I +should hardly have thought upon my latter end, not even when my +life was peculiarly exposed amidst wars and battle. At +present, I reflect without ceasing; I have totally abandoned +trifling and poetry, which are synonymous; and, thanks to God, +have more satisfaction in reading books of devotion, than +romances and histories.</p> +<h2><a name="page56"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 56</span>THIRD +NIGHT.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">THE LAST JUDGMENT.</span></h2> +<p>I have read in Homer, that dreams come from Jupiter; and that +this cannot be doubted, especially when they regard things of +importance. I verily believe those of kings and princes +proceed from on high: but I will substitute the true God in place +of Jupiter, who is but a fabulous divinity. The vision I +had last year, could not have been derived from any other than a +heavenly source. Behold the events that passed: I was +reading the book of the blessed Hypolitus, which treats of the +end of the world, and of the coming of God, to judge the quick +and the dead, the just and the unjust. I fell asleep over +this book, sitting in a large easy chair. All at once, I +thought I saw a noble young man, of extraordinary beauty, flying +through the air, having at his mouth a trumpet, that sounded far +and wide. When he had made five or six great circuits, I +perceived soldiers starting from <a name="page57"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 57</span>their graves, full of courageous +animation, thinking they heard the signal of battle. Upon +the other hand, the misers started up, in terror, lest thieves +had come to rob. The courtiers imagined that they enjoyed +the agitations of the ring, or of a carousal. No one had +the least idea that it announced the last judgment. I was +strongly tempted to laugh at seeing the maimed, the one-eyed, the +blind, seeking the one their arms or legs, and the other their +eyes. I was equally amused, to perceive the clerks +unwilling to resume their heads, the slanderers their tongues, +and the old women their throats.</p> +<p>After all these had come forth, and arrived in an immense and +smooth valley, very proper for so grand a spectacle, I saw appear +people of every art and trade; likewise the men of letters, among +whose ranks there appeared a very considerable +embarrassment. Each community placed itself separately; +each religion had also its sectaries apart: such as Christians, +Jews, Mahometans, Pagans, Heretics, and Schismatics. All +the people being classed and placed, a judge presented <a +name="page58"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 58</span>himself, +accompanied by twelve counsellors, who seated themselves near his +throne; beneath them were the prophets, in the capacity of +advocates. Immediately a loud flourish of trumpets was +heard, as if an army of cavalry approached, and legions of +shining angels appeared, who poised themselves with their wings, +above those men to whom they had been guardians. That done, +the archangel Michael, came and placed himself at the foot of the +throne, upon which the judge was seated, having in his hand a +naked sword, and beneath his feet a prostrate devil, as he is +represented in churches, and called the auditors each by his +name.</p> +<p>Adam answered first; he was accused by his demon, with having +eaten an apple, contrary to the commands of his God; with having +neglected the gifts he had received at his creation; with having +cast the blame upon his wife; with having had a bad son, and of +other faults which I do not distinctly remember. But I very +well recollect, that these reproaches produced such confusion in +him, that he could answer nothing: his good angel <a +name="page59"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 59</span>answered for +him; he confessed the matters of which his party was accused; he +set forth the excess and duration of his penitence; the agonies +he had suffered from the decree that involved his posterity, the +goods which God had seen born of his sin; in fine, he pleaded +with such ability, that his client was acquitted.</p> +<p>When they called Judas, Herod, and Pilate, their crimes were +so glaring, that they could neither defend themselves, nor would +any angel speak in their favour; and they were accordingly +condemned. After them, were examined the most noted +heretics, and neither could they obtain pardon.</p> +<p>Presently there appeared a number of pagan philosophers, among +whom, I distinguished the seven sages of Greece, with Plato, +Zeno, Socrates, Aristotle, and others: there were also Mercury, +Trismegistus, an Egyptian, Sanconianthon, a Phenician, and +Confucius, a Chinese. The majority of these avowed, that +they had adored no other than the true God. The judge +demanded, if they had given him all the glory, and rendered to <a +name="page60"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 60</span>him all the +honour that was his due. They answered nothing, and were +not exculpated.</p> +<p>The corps of artists next presented themselves: some of them +were justified, but by far the greatest part were condemned for +larcenies, frauds, surprises, and infidelities.</p> +<p>The men of letters then had their turn: many of them were +charged with having taught and written contrary to their real +opinions. The poets made every one laugh, on asserting, +that when they spoke of Jupiter, of gods and goddesses, they +meant the true God, saints, and saintesses: that they had never +seriously deified the king of Candia, nor the first king of +Egypt, nor the queens of Cyprus and Sicily; that if these people +had become idolaters, they ought to take the blame upon +themselves. Virgil in particular, was examined very +minutely upon that passage of his poems, where he invokes the +Sicilian muses: he pretended to have spoken of the birth of the +Messiah; but he was answered that he must then have been in the +soul of the Son of Pollio. Orpheus was accused by the +ladies of Thrace, <a name="page61"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +61</span>because he had taught men a love that did not concern +them.</p> +<p>The clerks, lawyers, and constables, applied to Saint <i>Ives +de Chartres</i>, to plead their cause; but he refused, saying, he +had never been a robber, but had always pursued the cause of +truth and justice, and that they had not acted in that +manner. The devils also accusing them of having often been +corrupted by presents, and the solicitations of women; few among +them escaped.</p> +<p>After these, the physicians, surgeons, and apothecaries, were +brought forward: they justified themselves by the authority of +Hippocrates, Galen, and Paracelsus; but those whom they summoned, +mocked at them, and their allegations. “And who are +they,” demanded those eminent physicians, “who have +cited us, and presume to shelter themselves behind our +example?” The unhappy accused then sought the +assistance of their two saints, <i>Come</i> and <i>Damiens</i>; +but they refused to defend homicides, and judgment of +condemnation was accordingly pronounced.</p> +<p>As it is out of my power to follow all the <a +name="page62"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 62</span>judgments in +their order, I shall report only those that appeared most worthy +of note. A fencing master, being unwilling to approach the +bar, an angel extended his arm to seize him; but the master, +throwing himself into an attitude, made a fanciful push towards +the angel, telling him at the same time, that from such a thrust +with the small sword, he would have received a mortal wound; that +all those who had taken lessons of him, never failed to kill +their man, and that he himself had always been victorious, till +he met with his physician. At last, constrained by force, +he was brought forward and convicted of all the homicides +committed by his scholars, who, confident in their skill, had +often sought quarrels, for the purpose of putting their theory in +practice. For these offences it was decreed that he should +go into hell in a perpendicular line. “Zounds,” +said the master, “I will go as I may, but not in a +perpendicular line; I am not a mathematician.” +“How,” said the angel, “do you wish to +go?” “In making leaps backward before the mouth +of hell.” “Not quite so much subtlety,” +said the devil; “I will <a name="page63"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 63</span>make you obedient;” and he +carried him into the abyss, that was at the extremity of the +valley.</p> +<p>This man gave place to a great astrologer, whom his angel +endeavoured to bring before the tribunal: he was loaded with +almanacs, globes, spheres, astrolabes, compasses, quadrants, +rules, and papers, filled with astronomical calculations. +“You are mistaken,” said he to the angel; “the +last judgment has not yet arrived, because the constellation of +Saturn, and that of fear, have not yet finished their courses; it +ought not to arrive in less than twenty-four thousand years; for +God hath not created the universe and the celestial globes, not +to permit them to finish their journeys; and there is yet no +appearance of an union of the sun and stars, to set fire to the +world, as must necessarily happen at the last day. I +appeal, then, in advance, against all other +judgments.” “March,” said the devil, +“or I shall carry you.” “Carry me,” +said the astronomer, “into the kingdom of the moon; I will +reward you well; I am curious to see those beautiful countries, +we discover <a name="page64"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +64</span>with our telescopes; the countries of Galileo, of +Copernicus, of Tycho Brahe, and other celebrated astronomers, who +are gone to dwell in the moon, and who have bestowed their names +upon those regions they inhabit.” The discourse of +this fool, did not prevent an accusation before the judge, of +irreligion, superstition, and other vices which he could not +dispute.</p> +<p>I then saw an operator, who, imagining himself to be in a +proper place for vending his drugs, praised the properties of his +orrietan, and the virtues of his counter-poisons. When he +came before his judges, he was desirous of trying some +experiments, and demanded if he should use realgal, arsenic, or +the blood of toads and spiders. The devil, who stood at his +side, asked him if he had any fire ointment. +“How,” said he, “are you in want?” +“It is yourself that will soon need it,” answered the +devil; “because you have cheated so many people with your +lies and knaveries.” He was confounded at this +discourse, and was led away to hell.</p> +<p><a name="page65"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 65</span>When +they were close by, he said to the devil, “I perceive the +jest; you keep here the feast of Peter; I am not so much alarmed +as you think: let us go, let us go,” said he, entering into +hell, “let us go and see Don Peter.”</p> +<p>There then came a troop of tailors, the chief one of whom +diverted me much: he had a pair of scissors in his hand, and a +long slip of parchment, with which he took measure for +garments. Perceiving me, he stepped up and proposed to make +me a coat in the French fashion: I assured him that I had no need +of such a garment; but he ran round me, insisting upon taking my +measure. I observed that it was then no time to transact +such business; that he was before his judge, and had better +invoke his guardian angel: but the angel advised him to plead his +own cause, as he could not conscientiously defend a case so +obvious. “Signor,” answered the tailor, +“I engage to give you a suit every year, gratis; for it is +doubtless for lack of tailors, that you angels go always +naked.” “Without dispute;” replied the +angel, “for there is not a single tailor in <a +name="page66"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +66</span>heaven.” “Very well,” resumed +the tailor; “I go then in person, to defend myself and +brethren. We have never stolen more stuff than we could put +into our eyes; we threw the useless pieces into the street; we +have always measured the trimmings of gold and silver, after +finishing the suit, and took no more than was absolutely +necessary. As to the rest, our trade is one inculcating +mercy; to clothe the naked, and furnish a defence from the cold; +meritoriously following the gospel precept: thus have we acted, +besides suffering patiently the prejudice the embroiderers have +done us in making the habits of the church. I demand that +Saint Martin, archbishop of Tours, who gave the moiety of his +mantle to a poor beggar, should be heard in our +behalf.” “Saint Martin,” said one of the +angels, “hath never been the protector of tailors; and so +far would he be from defending you, that he would condemn +you.” “Ah! well,” said the tailor, +“oblige us by being yourself our interlocutor.” +“I consent,” replied he, “and will quickly +expose the tricks of your trade: the tailors have in their shops +<a name="page67"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 67</span>a private +drawer, which they call <i>the eye</i>; and it is there they +deposit what they steal. The under part of their table and +its immediate neighbourhood, they call the <i>street</i>; and +here they cast the superfluous stuffs: so when this master cheat +asserted, he had never stolen more than might have been contained +in his eye, or that he threw into the street the waste pieces of +cloth, or stuff, it was equivalent to saying, that, he had never +taken more than might be put into his drawer, or beneath his +table. As to the trimmings of gold and silver, it is true, +they are measured upon the garment, but then it is found after +the chain of binding is cut, that it stretches very easily. +When he said that his trade was merciful and charitable, he spoke +the truth, if these are the attributes of thieves: but I demand, +if, without pillaging cloth, they could ornament chambers with +rich tapestry, build fine houses, give portions to their +daughters, bear the extravagancies of their children, give +sumptuous entertainments, and enjoy all the luxuries of +life?” “No, no,” simultaneously exclaimed +the whole assembly. The corps of tailors <a +name="page68"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 68</span>was +accordingly condemned, and they were precipitated into the +abyss.</p> +<p>When all the judgments had been pronounced, the judge, his +counsellors, the angels, and the elect, launched forth into the +air, and ascended to heaven, amid an harmonious concert of +trumpets, and other instruments. Those who remained in the +valley, and had not been sent to hell, were in despair, because +they were not able to follow the array of the blessed. When +the celestial throng had wholly disappeared, a most horrid tumult +ensued: the planets fell from their orbits, the mountains came +together with dreadful washings, the earth gaped, and all who +remained fell into the abyss, uttering such piercing shrieks that +I was seized with terror. I awoke, and felt the most lively +pleasure to find myself out of danger. I reflected +afterwards upon the multitude of the guilty, and the small number +adjudged innocent. Oh, how necessary it is, that all the +living should experience a similar vision, that they might be +witnesses of the disorder, of the despair, and torments of the +damned. It would suffice also to exemplify <a +name="page69"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 69</span>the piteous +confusion, which can neither be expressed nor comprehended, that +will not fail to happen at the last day. I am not now +surprised that the Israelites, at the foot of Mount Sinai, could +not endure the noise of the thunder that resounded from its +summit.</p> +<h2><a name="page70"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 70</span>FOURTH +NIGHT.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">THE COUNTRY AND THE PALACE OF +LOVE.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">On</span> the fourth day of January, I had +passed the evening in the company of some beautiful and amiable +young ladies. Contrary to my usual custom of retiring at an +early hour, I sat up late, amusing myself and trifling with these +ladies, which brought to my imagination, during sleep, the most +delightful images. I fancied I heard a voice, which recited +these verses, borrowed by Virgil from Theocritus:</p> +<blockquote><p>“What phrensy, shepherd has thy soul +possess’d?<br /> +Thy vineyard lies half prun’d, and half undress’d,<br +/> +Quench, Corydon, thy long unanswered fire;<br /> +Mind what the common wants of life require.<br /> +On willow twigs employ thy weaving care;<br /> +And find an easier love, though not so fair.”</p> +</blockquote> +<p>I am ignorant by what paths I was conducted, but I suddenly +found myself in a most delightful country, such as the poets are +wont to describe the isle of Cyprus and the gardens of Love; it +was bordered by two little rivers, <a name="page71"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 71</span>one of which was sweet, and the other +bitter water. These waters, conducted by a subterranean +canal, united in a great basin of white marble, placed in the +middle of a garden. After I had promenaded a little, to +admire the beauty of the trees, and respire the perfume of the +flowers, I entered into a long and magnificent walk, planted with +citrons and oranges: upon each side were arbours, adorned +interiorly with paintings and sculpture, and surrounded without +by jessamines, laurels, honeysuckles, and other shrubs. At +the extremity of this walk, there appeared, in perspective, a +large and superb edifice, which was called the <i>Palace of +Love</i>. The porticoes were of the Doric order: upon the +pedestals, the bases, the columns, the cornices, the friezes, the +architraves, and the chapters, were, in half relief, little +cupids, who disported themselves in all sorts of gambols. +There was written upon the gate in letters of gold upon a black +ground, this inscription:—</p> +<blockquote><p>‘Behold the palace of the happy,<br /> +The abode of lovers.’</p> +</blockquote> +<p>The custody of the gate was committed to <a +name="page72"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 72</span>a woman of a +nymph like appearance: her name was Beauty. She was tall +and well proportioned: her features were regular, and her whole +appearance so seducing, that her name seemed to answer her +description exactly. Her garments were magnificent, but +their transparency permitted the sight of charms that eclipsed +the light. The whiteness of the snow would have yielded to +the whiteness of her bosom: in a word, she had about her that, I +know not what, of enchantment, which no pencil could delineate, +or language describe. She made me so gracious a salutation, +that I was emboldened to request of her a conductor, to show me +the apartments of the palace.</p> +<p>“Address yourself,” said she, “to the +Introducer; he is lodged in this wing,” motioning me with +her right hand to the left side of the edifice.</p> +<p>I thanked her, and went in quest of the Introducer, who was at +the same time the Inspector of this smiling country. I +perceived in him an old man with a long beard. He received +me with great civility; and having signified to him my desire, he +told me that he <a name="page73"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +73</span>would himself conduct me to the foot of the throne of +the Queen. He girded upon his thigh instead of a sword, +along sharp scythe. He took for a cravat, an hour-glass +with golden sand; and for a hat, a bonnet of mercury with +wings. To do me honour, he preceded me. We entered +immediately into the apartment of the girls, which was separate +from that of the women who have arrived at maturity. In +perambulating these chambers, I saw all these girls singularly +occupied: there were some who wept with jealousy against the +widows; others were filled with inquietudes, not daring to avow +the love with which the other sex had inspired them. +“My lover,” said one, “is extremely cold; he is +too timid; O that the same privilege of declaring our +inclinations was permitted to us, as to the other sex! I +would speak a language to him, which he should +respond.”</p> +<p>Some of them read or wrote letters; they used a great deal of +paper in that business; for in order to say that they would not, +they destroyed, recommenced, destroyed again, and recomposed the +same lines; they desired <a name="page74"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 74</span>that their words should have a double +meaning, and that their lovers should understand that, which they +had no intention of making them comprehend. Others, placed +before their mirrors, studied their gestures, giving expression +to their features, endeavouring to put grace into their smile, +and gaiety into their laugh. Certain of them, plucked the +hair from the chin and eye-brows; others applied plaster to their +faces; many of them, to cause paleness and a more interesting +appearance in the eyes of their lovers, ate plaster, jet, +charcoal, and Spanish wax, contrary to the custom of the French, +who diligently avoid those substances that can give them a yellow +appearance, as saffron, pepper, salt, and every thing +provocative.</p> +<p>From this apartment, I passed into that of the married +women. Some of them grieved at the jealousy of their +husbands, and others at the avarice of theirs. There were +those who caressed their spouses, that they might the more easily +deceive them: there were others who concealed money from their +knowledge, to purchase finery, or make presents to <a +name="page75"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 75</span>their +gallants: there were others who made vows, and projected +pilgrimages, to the end that they might enjoy the company of +those whom they could not otherwise see: and others, who spoke +continually of the sweetness, of the handsome mein, and good +proportions of their confessors. Some there were, who said +that there could be no pleasure more consummate, than in +revenging ones self upon ones husband; some, also, that the most +insupportable torment to a married woman, was to be obliged to +answer the caresses of a husband whom she did not love: many, +that the pleasantest hour was that passed at the play with a +gallant. There were those too among them, who had taken +their waiting maids into confidence, and strove to engage them in +their interests by every indulgence.</p> +<p>Contiguous to this place, was a spacious pavilion where we +found the widows. Some of this class affected austerity and +modesty; but others gave themselves up to all sorts of +folly. Many were exceedingly joyous, although they were in +mourning: many were sad, because black did not become them; <a +name="page76"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 76</span>many, on the +contrary, judged that crape was their chiefest ornament, and that +it served best to exhibit the brilliant whiteness of their +complexion. The old widows wished to imitate the young, +while these sought to improve their time to the best +advantage. Those who exhibited the most lassitude, were +generally young widows, who waited with impatience for the year +of mourning to expire; but others spent their time cursing the +memory of their husbands, who had prohibited second nuptials.</p> +<p>I was soon weary of my visit to this apartment; folly and +libertinism were not to my taste. My conductor perceiving +it, took me by the arm, and said that he would show me the +amorous devotees.</p> +<p>“Yet, for all that,” said I, “love and +devotion can hardly agree; however, let us see all.”</p> +<p>“Oh, ho,” said Time; “yes, true devotion; +but know that it is as rare to see true devotees, as women +without love: these same true devotees have at least those with +whom they are not much upon their guard, and when they are not +observed, cannot resist the seductions <a name="page77"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 77</span>of a handsome and assiduous cavalier: +in default of that they take their confessor.”</p> +<p>Thus conversing, we entered into the apartment of the +devotees. Almost all prayed to God, either for the health +or the return of a lover: many to be soon married, or to be +always handsome, or for death to rid them of a rival. Some +of these women performed their devotions while waiting for their +gallants.</p> +<p>As the character of these women had in it nothing agreeable to +me, I besought my conductor to lead me to the abodes of the men; +the more, because I would hear from thence a concert of +instruments; he showed me the entrance into their quarter. +I found in the first hall, a great number of fiddlers and pipers, +who concerted a serenade for the following night. In the +second, I saw men who made their toilets, and arrayed themselves +in new garments, of the favourite colours of their +mistresses. In the third, were those who prepared to send +presents to their fair friends. In the fourth, were lovers +who put themselves in attitudes to fight in duel with their +rivals. In the fifth, they read novels, or made extracts <a +name="page78"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 78</span>from +them. In the sixth, were the old fellows who were mad for +love. In the seventh, were young men sick, and who dared +not disclose the causes of their indisposition. In the +eighth, married men did that for their mistresses, which the +wives did for their gallants. In the ninth, widowers +imitated the actions of the widows. In the tenth, in fine, +the gentlemen of the church showed themselves more amorous than +the men of the world, because they are addicted to less general +dissipation, and have fewer opportunities for the gratification +of their inclinations.</p> +<p>As I came out of this place, I heard a clock striking with a +heavy sound, and reverberating throughout the palace. +“What is that?” said I to Opportunity.</p> +<p>“That,” said he, “marks the hour for private +conversation and appointments; enter into this large hall; you +shall soon see a great deal of the world: wait for me, until I +shall return to conduct you out of the palace, for otherwise you +will not be able to find your way.”</p> +<p>I went into the hall, in which were a great <a +name="page79"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 79</span>number of +seats. The magnificence of the tapestry, which represented +the fabulous metamorphoses, corresponded with the style of the +edifice: at the extremity was a throne of ivory, silver, and +gold, under a canopy enriched with pearls and precious +stones. When the persons of both sexes had entered and sat, +a woman of a strange figure, and clad in a very whimsical manner, +placed herself upon the throne; they called her Passion. +Another woman, whom they called Folly, sat near her, and spake as +if she was the queen’s chancellor. Forthwith this +princess began to set forth the advantages that had been gained +over the empire of Reason, who had been for a long time her +enemy. While she was speaking, a stately dame named +Jealousy, promenaded through every part of the hall: she inspired +some with fear, and made others laugh; at length she came near +me, and said—</p> +<p>“It is not without some purpose, you are here and +separate from the rest; perhaps you are more +fortunate.”</p> +<p>I answered, that “I found myself there without any +particular design.”—“Excellent,” <a +name="page80"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 80</span>replied she, +retiring; and from time to time she revisited the place where I +was, to see if some girl did not come to join me. As I +divined her thoughts, I strove to give her uneasiness; I affected +to exhibit the same myself; I looked anxiously from one side to +the other, as if I had expected some one. I remarked this +woman made the same motions.</p> +<p>When the queen had finished her discourse, many persons +presented petitions, which were all forthwith granted. +After that, the princess announced to all her votaries, that she +granted them the propitious moment, and retired. +Immediately each one presented his hand to his partner, and +hastened from the hall. Some went into chambers, and others +walked about. There was no one but Jealousy remaining in +the chamber where I was; she promenaded about the hall, +murmuring:—</p> +<p>“I shall see,” said she: “I will watch; I +will discover: I will hinder: I will talk: I shall not be +inactive. Ah, good,” cried she to me with vivacity; +“what do you do here? depart, I wish to close the +gate.”</p> +<p>As I expected my guide, I was not willing <a +name="page81"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 81</span>to go out, +lest I might lose myself in this vast edifice. “I +wish to wait here for Opportunity,” said I, “who +ordered me to remain in this hall, till he should come to rejoin +me.”</p> +<p>“Reckon not,” replied she, “upon this old +dotard; he will not return; he is gone upon the stream, with the +others: believe me; quit this place:” and thus speaking, +she took me by the shoulders, and thrust me out.</p> +<p>I walked upon the garden terrace until I saw descend a silken +ladder. I immediately thought that this was an invitation +made to me, and thinking of nothing but the novelty of the +adventure, I ascended. I entered by a window into a +chamber, where I saw a man and a young girl sitting at table: +they were both surprised at my presence, but especially the young +cavalier, who remained immovable: presently recovering himself, +and addressing himself to the lady:—</p> +<p>“Ingrate, this is then the manner in which you betray +me! you have then certainly two lovers, and perhaps +fifty?”</p> +<p>“Me, sir!” said she; “I swear to you I know +not this gentleman; assuredly he has <a name="page82"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 82</span>made a mistake, in taking my window +for that of some other.”</p> +<p>“Yes, yes, he is deceived, but it is in these two +particulars; that, in the first place, he thought me gone; and +secondly, in taking my ladder, for that you are accustomed to +hang out for his accommodation; but he shall repent +it.”</p> +<p>Immediately drawing his sword, and taking his dagger in the +other hand, he would have stabbed his mistress. I also drew +my sword, and put myself before the lady, to guard her from the +blows of this madman: he dealt me several lunges, which I +parried; I drove him to the window, and as he perceived himself +hotly pressed, he sprang out, which gave me immense +chagrin. The lady had left the chamber; I sought her in +vain, and the agitation of this circumstance awoke me.</p> +<p>I leave it to the consideration of the reader, if this vision +is not a faithful image of profane love: this is the beauty that +seduces us; this is the time we improve; this is the passion +which governs us; this is the jealousy which torments us; this is +the hour of temptation: <a name="page83"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 83</span>a rendezvous, a private conversation, +a walk. This is that violent motion which leads to +crime. I leave also to the reader, to make his own +reflections upon the occupations of lovers, upon their desire of +pleasure, upon their intrigues, upon their pains. I am +persuaded that no one can have an idea upon the subject, without +disapproving of the wanderings of love. It is not reason +which rules in the palace I have traversed: for reason is an +enemy whom they attack, whom they disarm, whom they put far from +them, although she is but a kind friend, who never takes up arms +but to succour us.</p> +<h2><a name="page84"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 84</span>FIFTH +NIGHT.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">THE WORLD.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">If</span> a man of genius, or one only of +ordinary discernment, could view the interior of the world, he +would feel indignant at himself even for living with so much +degradation; he could not prevent himself from pitying or +despising those who are attached to it, and who allow themselves +to be deceived by its seductions and artifices. There is +hardly a person who speaks as he thinks; one never sees the +intention of the actor; honesty and knavery have often an air of +resemblance; truth and hypocrisy appear like sisters of the same +father; civility and curiosity assume the same colours; +friendship and interest are with difficulty distinguished.</p> +<p>These reflections occurred to me while walking in my garden; I +entered into a summer house, favourable for meditation, and +inclined to slumber by the coolness of the shade, and the murmur +of a neighbouring rill, fell <a name="page85"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 85</span>asleep. During my repose, I +fancied myself in the midst of a great city, called +Hypocrisy. They informed me that it was the capital of the +internal world, and bore the same relation to it, that Rome did +to the external world, in the time of the emperors. It was +here the king of the internal world usually resided; he was +called <i>Self Love</i>; and although he had this appellation, +which is, for the most part, in rather bad odour, he was dear to +his subjects, who made it their chiefest glory to imitate him, +and had no other object than the honour of their sovereign. +The two principal ministers of this king, were Interest and +Ambition: the governor of the city was Pleasure. The guards +of his majesty were designated by the names of other human +passions; the gentlemen of his court were lackeys, well +accoutred; the farmers of the revenue called themselves +<i>ministers of finance</i>: the lawyers, <i>counsellors of the +king</i>: the thieves, <i>judges of police</i>: the grooms of the +stable, <i>equeries of the king</i>: the mountebanks, +<i>physicians</i>: the bankers, <i>masters of accounts</i>: the +clerks of the church, <i>abbots</i>: the clerks of the <a +name="page86"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 86</span>palace, +<i>secretaries</i>: the students, <i>doctors</i>. There, +tailors wear velvet and gold lace; coblers are cordwainers to the +king; gaming houses, academies: discreditable places, houses of +good society: pimps, convenient people: coquettes, ladies of +honour: women of pleasure, devotees: black girls, handsome +brunettes: in fine, coquetry is friendship: usury, economy: +deceit, wisdom, or prudence: malice, wit: cowardice, equanimity +of temper: temerity, valour: parasites are amiable people: +slanderers, free people: and in like manner of others; for in +this country we perceive every thing to be contrary to that we +see in the external world.</p> +<p>As I promenaded the streets of this city, I met an old man, +who inquired of me if I was a stranger.</p> +<p>“Yes, I am,” said I.</p> +<p>“That is very apparent, from the surprise you testify at +the novelties of this city; but if you choose, I will show you +things that will astonish you much more: come into my +house.”</p> +<p>Having accepted this courteous invitation, <a +name="page87"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 87</span>he preceded +me without ceremony, observing, that this was the custom in +France.</p> +<p>“Oh, signor,” said I, “it is no more than +justice, that you should be free in your own house; and I know +that it is the French humour, not to accord precedence upon such +occasions: because he who first enters, escapes closing the gate +upon the inside.”</p> +<p>We found in the chamber of this old man, two young friars, +preparing to go abroad. They assured us, they could not +remain any longer, because their superior had ordered them to be +present at a funeral procession, to get their wax taper, and +customary gratuity.</p> +<p>“What admirable charity in these people,” said I, +“who go to a funeral, not to pray, but to gain.”</p> +<p>Soon after, hearing a chanting, we looked from the window to +learn the cause. We saw a funeral procession, in which were +arranged many priests and religious, with a long file of +relations. It was a woman whom they carried to the grave; +the husband was almost mad; and I said to my old friend, +“My God! this man is extremely afflicted!”</p> +<p><a name="page88"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +88</span>“Do you believe that?” answered he: +“listen to what he says, when he arrives +opposite.”</p> +<p>In fact, when he came near the house, I heard him say, +“I am not so very unhappy after all! she has wasted the +half of my fortune: she has been sick in bed at my expense these +last six months; and her obsequies will cost me a thousand +crowns! Ah, Lord!” cried he in a loud voice, +“why is she dead? and why did you not take me first? or +rather, good Lord, why did you not take her before she had +dissipated my money?” At length, reverting to a more +pleasant theme, “I must,” said he, “marry +Lucilla: she having been a serving girl, will not be fond of +ostentation; she knows nothing about luxuries, since she cannot +even read. To be sure, being young and inexperienced, she +made a misstep; but the remembrance of her fault will make her +wary. Of the two maids my wife kept, I shall discharge one; +so in three or four years I shall save the expense of this +burial.” “I gain by this chance,” said a +relation of the deceased, who came next: “I gain ten +thousand <a name="page89"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +89</span>crowns, because she died intestate.” +“This pest of a woman,” said a maid servant who +followed, “never failed to take advantage of every +opportunity, and yet entertained an extreme jealousy of my master +and me.”</p> +<p>“Zounds!” said I to the old man, “these +people are very sincere!”</p> +<p>“The things you see here,” observed he, “are +those which are concealed in the external world; but if now, you +have any curiosity to know with what occupations widows beguile +the time, after the death of their husbands, step with me a +couple of paces and you shall see.”</p> +<p>I directly consented; the object appearing well worth the +trouble. There was at the distance of three or four doors +from this chamber a grand apartment, the entrance of which was +hung with black, and the stair-case covered with the same +material. We went in, and after traversing a long hall, +garnished in the same manner, entered into a little room, the +tapestry of which was black velvet; the bed of beautiful red +damask, covered with black crape, with silver fringe. In it +reposed <a name="page90"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 90</span>a +young lady of the most conspicuous loveliness, one of the fairest +I have ever beheld. I offered her my condolences upon the +death of her husband, whom my old friend had informed me was a +gentleman of the sword, and a loyal subject of the +king—<i>Self-love</i>. She answered, smiling in the +most affable manner, that she was highly sensible of my +politeness, and that she felt very happy that the death of her +husband had procured her the pleasure of my acquaintance.</p> +<p>“Oh!” exclaimed I, to myself, “what +affliction! but let us examine a little farther.”</p> +<p>I approached the bed, and sat down upon a sofa near by: we +conversed upon many things indifferently, and at length came upon +the adventures of young widows. At this period of the +conversation, raising herself up to take her handkerchief, she +exposed to my view, with a beautiful shoulder, a neck fairer than +moonlight. Just as this sight had inspired me with love, I +heard a man snore, who was upon the other side of the bed. +She drew the curtain, and gave the gallant a slight cuff, saying, +“you are very impertinent <a name="page91"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 91</span>to sleep thus near a lady in +bed.” The other awaking, was going to revenge himself +upon the lady for her slight buffet.</p> +<p>“No, no,” said I, “do not; I should rather +be punished myself.”</p> +<p>Both of them then began to turn their raillery upon me. +Perceiving this, I left the chamber, beckoning the old man to +follow. I was greatly scandalized at such conduct, and my +companion did nothing but laugh. What people you have here! +amiable widows!</p> +<p>Some hours afterwards, I accidentally met in the street, the +beau whom I parted with at the widow’s.</p> +<p>“It is thus,” said this man, accosting me, +“that widows console themselves, and redeem the time they +may have lost with a cross, jealous, or avaricious +husband.”</p> +<p>“You understand these matters well,” answered I; +“and madam will soon forget her loss.”</p> +<p>Conferring thus together, we became familiar: he was anxious +to learn my name, and told me his own, which was Joy.</p> +<p>“I am not astonished,” said I, “the <a +name="page92"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 92</span>beauty +listened to you. A quarter of an hour spent in your +society, will abundantly recompense her for the sad and weary +years passed with a jealous spouse.”</p> +<p>When the old man saw us thus pleased with each other, he said +he would leave me in the company of this honest person, and that +he should expect me at his house to supper, after the play, to +which we had determined to go.</p> +<p>At the theatre we saw comedies about equivalent to our +tragedies; and, in fact, of so close a resemblance, that one +might almost fancy them the same. The story of the one I +saw was this:—Two young persons met at the house of a +mutual friend, to concert measures to gain the consent of their +parents to their marriage: their degree was not equal; the girl +was nobly born, and an heiress; the young man poor, and the son +of a merchant. They both promised to put in requisition +every possible method that could be devised, to vanquish the +opposition of the old folks upon whom they depended. The +young man said he would make himself an advocate, and <a +name="page93"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 93</span>afterwards a +counsellor in parliament; the expence of which he could easily +defray in one year after his marriage, with the help of his +wife’s dowry. The girl, on her part, promised not to +refuse him any token of affection; and agreeable to their plan, +she was to inform her mother, that she was pregnant by <i>Signor +Virodeno</i>; for thus was her lover called. In order to +the furtherance of this design, they instigated their friend to +pretend to betray them, and to apprise the parents of both +parties of what was passing. The parents hastened to the +spot; the lovers came promptly from the chamber; they both heaped +reproaches upon their daughter, and as the mother was about to +strike her, she declared herself pregnant. “Unhappy +wretch,” exclaimed her mother, “you will always be a +grief to me; you will bring dishonour upon the family: I will +strangle you on the spot.” “Stop,” said +her husband, “you will only expose yourself to be hanged: +we must think rather now to conceal this disgrace.” +“No, no,” said the mother; “let me stab her to +death with this knife.” She would have <a +name="page94"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 94</span>executed her +resolution, had not her more discreet husband disarmed her, +saying, “recollect yourself, madam; you were in the same +situation when I married you; and if your mother had killed you, +you would not to-day have made all this uproar.” But +as she continued to give way to fresh paroxysms of indignation, +her husband enforced his reasons with some wholesome +correction. He subsequently conferred with the parents of +the lover, who promised to do every thing for the advancement of +their son, in consideration of the rank of the young lady’s +family, with whom they would not be at variance. The +company then gave a loose to mirth; they found out the young +couple were well matched; they busied themselves in preparations +for the nuptials, and sent to apprise the young man, who had +taken refuge at the house of the governor of the city. He +came, accompanied by the proper officers; the marriage was +celebrated; nothing was wanting at the feast, and they parted on +the best of terms. All this scene was in such perfect +keeping, that the young espoused were married <a +name="page95"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 95</span>at the house +of the maternal father-in-law, who himself did the honours of +friendship. Thus they conclude marriages and other matters: +so that there, one can see the minds of people, and the purpose +of every man’s action.</p> +<p>At the palace it is the same; every thing is laid open; the +advocates plead not, but <i>pro honorario</i>; the solicitors +think of nothing but prolonging the suits by those incidents they +themselves devise; and the judges, for the purpose of enhancing +their fees, deliver a hundred judgments, when one would +answer. As a specimen of their method, take the following +decree:</p> +<p>“Having taken into consideration the petition of Signor +<i>Thief</i>, solicitor to the lord <i>Stupid</i>, the court do +order, that the parties have day in court, for the space of four +years, that the fees may absorb the sum of three hundred pounds, +which must be expended in this suit. Done at our court of +the palace of <i>hypocrisy</i>, at the winter term of the current +year. <i>Pecunia</i>, President.”</p> +<p>What I have related of the palace, is to exemplify <a +name="page96"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 96</span>the spirit +that reigns in this city; the same influence governs the court, +the army, the treasury, and the theatre. There were in a +box adjoining ours, at the latter place, two men, who discoursed +concerning the sale of certain merchandize. The seller +said, “I wish you to give fifty thousand livres, for what +cost me thirty; but I wish to make a thousand crowns +profit.” The other was not willing to give more than +a hundred pistoles. At last they agreed upon the thousand +crowns, upon condition that the seller, who was a steward, should +give to the purchaser the titles to the rents of certain farms, +without the knowledge of his lord, and upon which event the +purchaser was also to give a feast. After the play, I went +to seek my old friend; upon meeting him, he informed me that the +king, <i>Self-love</i>, was fallen ill; and that on account of +his indisposition, the whole city prepared to testify their +gratitude.</p> +<p>“How,” said I, “can you think of diversions, +when the father of the country lies sick?”</p> +<p>“Yes,” said he, “it becomes us to rejoice; +<a name="page97"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 97</span>it would +be hypocrisy to do otherwise, when we have a prospect of changing +our master.”</p> +<p>“In the world of which I am an inhabitant,” +rejoined I, “we feel the most lively sorrow, if our prince +falls sick; and our religion commands us to offer up prayers for +his health.”</p> +<p>“And we,” answered the good man, “are taught +to rejoice; for we have no other policy than interest, and to +which your religion is opposed.”</p> +<p>“If Self-love should die,” said I, “you +would perhaps be governed by a less popular king. Pleasure, +who aspires to the crown, Interest, nor either of the other +princes of the blood, would exercise a dominion so happy and +sweet. These princes are naturally proud, cruel, and +vindictive: in the place of which, Self-love is often, nay, +almost always solicitous for the preservation of his +subjects.”</p> +<p>The conversation turned upon this topic, for some time. +The old man, contrary to the usual spirit of aged people, was +desirous that Pleasure should succeed to the throne. As for +myself, I maintained that the nation would be less happy, under +such a sway. After our <a name="page98"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 98</span>soup, he wanted to carry me to see +the fireworks, and the ball the governor gave upon the +occasion. I refused to go; these things seeming to me very +ridiculous, on account of the cause that elicited them. The +old man was much offended at my refusal; he told me that I was a +sour, dissatisfied man, and an enemy to the general joy. I +replied, that he was an old fool, and that if he molested me any +more, I would throw him out of the window, and put his family to +the sword.</p> +<p>At this moment we heard the cry of fire in the house; and the +common danger caused us to forego our quarrel. The uproar +was caused by a servant girl, who, because her mistress refused, +from some cause or other, to pay her wages, had set fire to the +house, from motives of revenge. They pretended to +extinguish it in a very curious manner, which was, by throwing on +light stuffs, soaked in oil. I dreamt that a great sheet of +flame suddenly enveloped me: I awoke on the instant, crying that +I was in a house environed: and thinking the noise I heard came +from the flame,—I cried, “<i>fire</i>!” A +servant that was <a name="page99"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +99</span>seeking me in the garden, ran, upon hearing me, and told +me that some one waited to see me. When I had finished my +business with this person, my dream caused me much reflection; +the more I thought upon it, the closer seemed the resemblance to +what is taking place in the world: in fact, it is +<i>Self-love</i> that reigns, and these are the passions that +govern us; and whoever could see the heart and soul of men, would +find them arrant hypocrites. The world itself is the city +of Hypocrisy. It is in this city, that interest, ambition, +pleasure, vengeance, anger, and all other evil passions conceal +themselves. The more I examine, the more clearly these +truths appear:—That whosoever could disabuse himself for a +single moment, would be so, for the remainder of his life: and he +who really desires to know himself and the world, would learn +from observation, more than he has an idea of. The world +is, of all things, the most difficult to understand, and that +which one ought to know the best. There is no person who +distrusts himself; consequently, there is no one who realizes, +that it is deceptive, filled <a name="page100"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 100</span>with self-love, attached to its own +interests, seeking its own gratifications, vain, unquiet, +restless, presumptuous, vindictive, pure outwardly, criminal +within, lovely and fair in appearance—deserving, at bottom, +of hatred and contempt: and what is still more incomprehensible +about this same world, is, there is hardly an individual who doth +not love it; they lose by this love, and they know of a surety, +that it is to this attachment they must attribute their losses: +meanwhile, it pleases all: they seek after it; they wish to serve +it; they abandon to it all which they hold most dear. Some +sacrifice to it their honour for pleasure; others their lives for +glory; and some surrender their repose for the poor ambition of +fortune. But it was for us, the world was created; and that +is really the victim one ought to sacrifice, to preserve his +honour, to enjoy eternal pleasures, to acquire true glory, and +amass treasures, that neither rust nor envy can +spoil.—Think not, my dear reader, what I have here +presented to you, a dream, a vision; it is more real than you +imagine.</p> +<h2><a name="page101"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +101</span>SIXTH NIGHT.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">HELL.</span></h2> +<p>I had been, during the autumn, at the country house of one of +my friends. In the parish where he resided, that had not +seen its bishop for thirty years, there had recently been settled +a new curate, a fluent preacher, and very much devoted to the +instruction of his flock—reading every Sunday homilies and +sermons, and the greater and lesser catechisms. One day, I +went to hear one of the familiar exhortations, which he usually +gave to his people, concerning heaven and hell: he depicted the +latter in such strong colours, that the whole audience were +moved; and each whispered to himself, O frightful +residence! Full of these ideas myself, I returned to sup at +my entertainer’s house. After quitting the table, I +extended myself on a couch; and my friend, seeing me soon +overcome with a pleasant slumber, for we had fared sumptuously, +left me, to enjoy himself the same refreshment. <a +name="page102"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 102</span>During +sleep, I dreamed that I was at the outlet of an extensive forest, +from whence diverged two roads, the one smooth and broad, the +other rough, covered with stones and ditches, thorns, and thick +entangled bushes. I pursued the first, in which I remarked +many houses of pleasure, and multitudes of people, who travelled +in carriages, on horseback, or on foot, at a moderate pace, +without fatiguing themselves. One might see there, persons +of all ages, sexes, conditions, and estates; one might find +there, shops, magazines, taverns, play-houses, and societies of +women; in fine, people of every country and religion. I was +not surprised that many came from the narrow way into ours; but I +was greatly so, at some who went from this fine road into the +other, which caused me to inquire where it terminated: as to +ours, I thought it led to Madrid. Some one answered, that +the little way conducted to Paradise; and the one where I was, +direct to Hell. I pursued my journey without making any +other reflection. Having travelled about a quarter of a +league, I began to perceive a bad odour, as of sulphur and +bitumen, <a name="page103"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +103</span>and supposed it proceeded from baths of mineral waters, +which diffused a strong scent at a great distance around. I +advanced constantly, and arrived at last before a large edifice, +which answered the description of Pluto’s palace, as it is +represented in fable. I found at the gate an immense devil, +horrible to look upon. At this apparition, I stepped +hastily back, two or three paces, and drew my sword, suspecting +that some one was thus disguised, to do me an injury. The +porter, perceiving my embarrassment, approached, telling me to +fear nothing; for he was thus clothed, to deter the saints, who +constantly endeavoured to abstract the damned from hell.</p> +<p>“It is then true, that this is hell,” said I.</p> +<p>“Yes, at your service: enter, enter, my lord, one had +better come here living than dead.”</p> +<p>I immediately walked in, and besought a devil whom I met, to +show me the apartments of the palace: he called himself +<i>Curiosity</i>; this was his appellation of war, or rather that +of his employment; for as angels take theirs from their offices +near God or men, so likewise demons are named, from the services +<a name="page104"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 104</span>they +execute, or the dignities with which they are invested.</p> +<p>“They denominate me <i>Curiosity</i>,” said the +demon, “because it is I who inspire men with the desire of +seeing, listening, proving, and tasting; and as it is curiosity +that opens the door of sin, so it is I who open that of +hell.”</p> +<p>“You may conduct me there,” said I, “on +condition that you bring me back to the gate again, after I have +examined it; and you will oblige me still farther, by leading me +afterwards to paradise, which I would also visit.”</p> +<p>“It is not I,” replied Curiosity, “who can +conduct you thither, and open the door; the guide of the way is +Retirement, the porter, Virtue; but I will show you every thing +worthy of notice here, and reconduct you to the place from whence +I take you.”</p> +<p>“Very well,” said I, and followed him.</p> +<p>We first entered into a spacious court, where the devils were +scourging the unhappy, who cried, “pardon, pardon, my +God! I did not reflect—I did not believe—who +told me of these things;” and many other similar +expostulations.</p> +<p><a name="page105"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +105</span>“These,” observed the devil, “are +people, that have come to hell without thinking about it, without +fear, and without believing it.”</p> +<p>“They were then honest in their faith; but why punish +those guilty only through ignorance?”</p> +<p>The devil replied, “they ought to think upon the matter, +to instruct themselves, and be persuaded that hell is no place +for mercy—so much the worse for them.”</p> +<p>I passed from thence into a great chamber, where there were +many men gaming, who swore and blasphemed because they had lost a +little money, or played a bad card. “Behold these +people,” said I to the devil, “how impatient and +hasty!”</p> +<p>“That is the cause of their being here.”</p> +<p>In another room we found comedians, who mourned at their +captivity, shut up for having made the world laugh. Said +they; “if by chance some equivocal words have impressed the +spectators with evil thoughts, was it not rather their fault than +ours?”</p> +<p>“Oh,” said the devil to me, “if they had +done no more than that, they should <a name="page106"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 106</span>scarcely have come here; but think +of their lost time, knaveries, and secret crimes! In the +terrestrial paradise, a male and female comedian enacted a scene, +that hath given to the devil the whole human race.”</p> +<p>“Ah! who had they for spectators when they were alone in +the world?”</p> +<p>“No, it is not the comedy which damns the players; it is +what passes behind the scenes.”</p> +<p>In the following chamber were the physicians and their suit: +they composed poisons for themselves; they took the doses when +prepared; they bled and purged themselves, and tried every +dangerous and disagreeable remedy in medicine, surgery, and +chemistry, to procure death to themselves, and could not +succeed.</p> +<p>“They once used their art,” said the devil, +“for a bad purpose, and now their art fails them at their +utmost need: do what they will, they cannot die, because the air +of hell is a fire which purifies and conserves.”</p> +<p>In a cabinet near this chamber, were a number of persons +endeavouring to make <a name="page107"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 107</span>gold, or to speak more plainly, +sought to discover the philosopher’s stone: among them I +recognised Tarnesier, he who made the nail half gold and half +iron, which is in the museum of the duke of Tuscany; also a duke +of Saxony, and a duke of the Medici, who knew how to make gold +during their lives, but forgot the secret when they came to +hell.</p> +<p>“Is, then, the making of gold so heinous a sin?” +inquired I of the devil.</p> +<p>“No,” answered he, “but it is a grievous +offence not to know how to make it, and that is the reason these +gentlemen are here.”</p> +<p>“And the others,” said I, “who never +pretended to have made the discovery!”</p> +<p>“Oh, they have not passed off copper for gold, as these +have done.”</p> +<p>“Let me see the devotees now,” said I to my +conductor; “they are a species of humanity that will divert +me.”</p> +<p>“You are right; these are the fools of hell; it will be +more instinctive to look at them than those of this +apartment.”</p> +<p>As we repassed the chambers we had visited, I heard some one +exclaim, “Look <a name="page108"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 108</span>at this poor devil, who knows not +where to bestow himself; Curiosity is seeking a lodging for +him.”</p> +<p>“Signor,” said one of them to me, “remain +here, with the devil’s permission, if you cannot be +accommodated elsewhere.”</p> +<p>I passed by without answer, not wishing to hold any +intercourse with the damned. I found in this place monks +and devotees who had hated one another so rancorously, that they +had abused the most holy things of religion, and wasted the time +of the church in giving vent to their malice, and afterwards +would excuse their conduct in terms not used in the world but to +express the most moral, sacred, and holy actions.</p> +<p>“Ah, what hypocrites,” said the devil; “it +would have been better for them, if they had delivered themselves +openly to those pleasures, they concealed under the appearances +which deceive the vulgar.”</p> +<p>In another part they were praying after this +fashion:—“Lord, let my father soon taste the joys of +Paradise, that I may take possession of his +estate.”—“Lord, take speedily <a +name="page109"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 109</span>my uncle to +thy bosom, that I may have his +benefice.”—“Great saint, make me fortunate at +play; disdain not my prayer; grant that my children may contract +opulent marriages, and prosper in the +world.”—“Let my daughter espouse the noble +Spaniard.”—They uttered other supplications fully as +extravagant, and added promises and vows.—“I will +give a hundred crowns to the poor, ornaments to my church, a +dowry to six unhappy orphans, two wax tapers, and a chaplet of +flowers to our lady.”—“I will wear a dark +coloured habit,” said one girl; “and I a +white,” said another. The first replies, “I am +brunette, the violet suits my complexion;” the second, +“I am red, the white becomes me best.”</p> +<p>Next to this apartment was that of women and girls who had +been lovers, and whose number was very considerable. As the +history of their folly was similar, I felt unwilling to listen to +it, but traversed their chamber without stopping, and entered +into the quarter of the poets, to have the satisfaction of +beholding the great geniuses of antiquity. There <a +name="page110"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 110</span>I was much +surprised to find Homer, sitting in the midst of the Grecian +poets, and reading his own <i>Iliad</i>, he who had been so blind +during his life. I was tempted to ask him some questions +respecting his works, and had an idea he would reply in +verse. With this view I walked round the circle that was +formed, and spoke in these terms to the prince of +poets:—“O, illustrious Homer! light of the universe! +author of the most sublime fictions! the beauty and price of thy +writings surpass the grandeur of the king of Spain, the wisdom of +Charlemagne, the abundance of Ceres, the girdle of the Graces, +the tenderness of Venus, the delicacies of Bacchus, the +brightness of Aurora, the height of heaven, the depth of hell, +the vastidity of the ocean, and the variety of the world, a +Spaniard who wants neither spirit nor courage, of Quevedo, +demands of thee if the victory thou hast attributed to the Greeks +before Troy truly belongs to them; and if Paris, that tender +lover, actually in vain took so much trouble to carry off their +chaste Helen.”</p> +<p>Homer, rubbing his eyes, answered me <a +name="page111"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +111</span>thus:—“Here there must needs be sincerity +and truth; for we pay dearly for the boldness and obloquy, that +weak mortals admire: our torments are eternal. I never was +in Ionia: I passed my life in Greece; to honour this nation I +sacked Troy; a city strong, rich, fortunate, and always +victorious, and that was finally destroyed by an +earthquake. Helen, to whom I have accorded the honours of +fidelity, was the least scrupulous of all our frail +damsels. Leave me to relent over what hath charmed all the +poets of the world. Go from this place, and tell mortals +you found me reading, against my inclination, those works that +have attained the universal suffrage.”</p> +<p>His discourse affected me. I pitied this old man, who +wept upon reading his poems; but I reflected that he had invented +all those fabulous incidents, to which both pagans and Christians +are equally attached. Homer, this genius who knew how to +assume so many changes, had he need to endow with heavenly +powers, those brave men whom he sent to the siege of Troy? he +might have created heroes, without making them gods: to be <a +name="page112"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 112</span>sure, it is +always permitted to poets to feign and magnify their subjects; +or, in other words, the subjects thus aggrandised and exalted to +heaven have no sublimity but in poesy and upon paper, like the +figures that painters trace on canvass, or sculptors upon +marble. How could the Greeks mistake and worship gods who +had such an origin? however the thing has happened, Homer is the +cause, and now mourns over his poetry and himself; he has for +companions in misery, his disciples and imitators. Ought +this not to serve as a lesson to living poets, who, abusing their +talents, compose and read seductive works, causing those who +think themselves in a condition to do the like, to lose their +time, and often corrupting the heart in recreating the mind.</p> +<p>From this chamber I passed into that of the Latin poets. +Ovid and Virgil there disputed the throne. Horace chafed +that he was not admitted into the contest, and Martial revenged +himself upon them by a piquant epigram. Horace protested +against the whole proceeding of the two first; he demanded +arbitrators, and <a name="page113"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +113</span>nominated on his own behalf Scaliger, who has declared +that he would rather have been the author of the ninth ode, than +the possessor of the crown of Arragon; but they would not notice +him. The other poets espoused the party that suited them +best: many declared for Seneca the tragedian, for Terence, and +Plautus. These last, read in a corner of the chamber the +finest passages of their compositions. They now began to +talk of settling the dispute with blows: fearing, therefore, that +I might get an unlucky hit in the mêlée, I left the +place, and passed hastily into the chambers of the Spaniards, +Italians, French, English, Turkish, Chinese, and Persian. I +noticed the ancient Gaulish poets, crowned with misletoe of the +oak, making processions, and singing the histories of their first +kings.</p> +<p>“Here, upon this side,” said Curiosity to me, +“is a chamber of perfumers; they have fine scents for the +gratification of the damned; but you would hardly be able to bear +them.”</p> +<p>“I will take,” said I, “a pinch of +snuff.”</p> +<p><a name="page114"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 114</span>I +drew forth my box, helped myself, and offered it to my devil; he +filled his nose, but from the titilation he felt in his +olfactories, he withdrew his fingers, when he began to sneeze in +such a manner, and with such a noise, that hell itself seemed +sinking under us, he belched forth fire from his nose, as +lightning flashes from a cloud; he put his fore-finger to it, and +there issued forth a rivulet of liquid sulphur, which uniting +with his saliva, formed a torrent of boiling water, that flowed +across the chamber, and passed through the doors and windows; +without that I believe I should have been drowned. These +waters fell upon people underneath, who began to call for help, +thinking a river of melted sulphur and pitch fell upon +them. The devil laughed heartily at this disorder, and told +me my snuff was excellent: he asked for another pinch; I did not +dare to refuse him, because he was in his own house; and such a +refusal might, perhaps, have made him regard me as +impolite. But this time, when I put my fingers into the +box, the powder took fire as if it had been saltpetre, and burnt +in my <a name="page115"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +115</span>hands, at which accident I was not sorry, being +apprehensive of another disorder, similar to the first.</p> +<p>We then entered the chamber of the perfumers: they were +occupied in extracting essences of intolerable odours, which are +as agreeable to them as jessamine, tuberose, orange, and others +in use among the men and women of our world: they made these +essences from the oil of the box tree, from wax, jet, and yellow +amber. Their pomatums were composed of galbanum, +assafœtida, rosin, pitch, and turpentine. I was +informed that these were for the use of the ladies of hell, who +were served by the perfumers, and who were, at the same time, +obliged to use their compounds, in obedience to the laws of +Lucifer.</p> +<p>From thence, we proceeded along a broad aisle, which +terminated at an elevated pavilion, the apartment of the +astrologers and magicians. I met at the door a chiromancer, +who desired to inspect my hand. I extended it without +ceremony; but scarcely had I touched his, before I was glad to +withdraw it, it seemed so hot and fiery.</p> +<p><a name="page116"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +116</span>“I have remarked at a glance,” said he, +“that you will be happy if you are prudent.”</p> +<p>“And you,” said I, “what have you noticed +with regard to your own?”</p> +<p>“I knew,” replied he, “by the mount of +Saturn, that I was to be damned.”</p> +<p>“Ah, well! if you had exercised the prudence you +recommend to me, you would not have been here.”</p> +<p>I passed without further speech, and saw a man, who, with +compasses, measured upon a globe, the distances between the +celestial signs: “what are you doing, good man?” said +I.</p> +<p>“Ah, God!” replied he, “if I had been born +but half an hour sooner, when Saturn changed his aspect, and Mars +lodged in the house of life, my salvation had been +certain.”</p> +<p>The others made similar observations, so that one could hardly +forbear laughing at their complaints. There came up one +named Taisnerius, author of a book upon physiognomy and +chiromancy, who gazed in my face for such a length of time, that +he quite embarrassed me.</p> +<p>“You look like an old burnt shoe,” said I <a +name="page117"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 117</span>to him; +“go your ways; do not stop so near me.”</p> +<p>“Look at this beggar,” said he; “see how he +affects the man of consequence, because he wears a sword by his +side, and hath the cross of Saint James! What a +physiognomy! What an aspect! What a figure! +This man goes straight to the gibbet: besides, there is here +neither wealth nor rank; all are equal.”</p> +<p>“Insolent fellow,” said I; “if I draw my +sword, I will teach you how to speak to a man of honour; have you +not had experience enough to be wise? you ought to bear in mind +the correction you received in Portugal, for treating a gentleman +in the same indecorous manner you have me; but you are +incorrigible.”</p> +<p>“Taisnerius,” said my devil, “get into your +hole, and draw your own horoscope.”</p> +<p>After this trifling dispute, we advanced, and encountered many +astrologers, among whom were Hali, Gerard of Cremona, Barthelemi +of Parma, a certain personage by the name of Tondin, and +Cornelius Agrippa. The moment this last perceived me, he +cried out that <a name="page118"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +118</span>“the world did him injustice, in calling him +Agrippa the black—in accusing him of magic, and other +similar things, for which, he averred, he had not been damned: +that he was born in an age of ignorance, when good physicians +passed for magicians, astrologers for sorcerers, and all learned +men for people who had converse with the devil; that his book +upon the Cabala, was nothing more but a satire upon the +cabalistic art of the Jews, and the little key of Solomon; and +finally, the book itself might be taken as a criterion of his +faith, in those things by which they deceived the simple, and of +the vanity of that science. I am no more a magician,” +continued he, “than Cardan, whom you can see if you +wish.”</p> +<p>“Why then have you been damned?”</p> +<p>“Because I abused my knowledge, and amused myself with +people’s credulity; if I had indeed been a magician, I +should have become penitent, and been saved.”</p> +<p>While I was speaking, I heard a tremendous uproar, proceeding +from another apartment, and inquiring the cause, was informed the +Turks were fighting; and as I happened <a +name="page119"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 119</span>to +understand their language, discovered the quarrel was, in fact, +between Mahomet and the two prophets, who had each established a +sect in the Mahometan law. Mahomet complained very bitterly +against Ali, because he had given to the Persians a false +Alcoran, and because Albubekir had so illy explained his own, in +Africa. He, on the contrary, maintained that the Alcoran +could have no other meaning, than what he had attached to +it. Ali asserted, there was no reason in this law; and +furthermore, he contended, that Mahomet himself knew nothing +about the book he had composed. They chafed furiously upon +this, and cried out, as if enraged to madness; I heard their +dialogue, but do not wish to be the herald of their +quarrels. This was gentleness itself, compared with what +passed among the heretic and schismatic Christians; there I saw +Luther in the habit of the Augustine order, with his monks about +him, and a pot of wine on the table. “Do the dead +drink,” said I, “to the devil?”</p> +<p>“Not at all; but this wine is set before their eyes, for +the purpose of tormenting them <a name="page120"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 120</span>with the sight of what they loved so +well; it is for the same reason, that Luther has his wife with +him.”</p> +<p>Melancthon was also there; he wept continually, and was so +unquiet, that he could not remain an instant at rest: he +traversed from right to left upon all sides, and then returned to +the place from whence he set out, only to recommence the same +journey. “What is this man doing?” said I to +Curiosity.</p> +<p>“He imitates the conduct he pursued in the world; for +there he was alternately with Luther and the church; sometimes a +Zuinglian, and sometimes a Calvinist; thus are the inconstant +tormented. This good old man whom you see here, is Erasmus; +this other is Grotius; unhappily, they neither of them had any +religion. This man, who appears so sour, and is surrounded +with ministers, is Calvin, who brought about the +reformation. These others, are heretics of the first ages, +who are here for being reluctant to submit to legitimate +authority. See the great Photius patriarch of +Constantinople, how the Greeks surround him: he is justly +punished for <a name="page121"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +121</span>having quitted the ministry for the patriarchate; if he +had remained in a civil station he would have been saved; but +being mixed up in ecclesiastical affairs, he committed so much +wickedness, that he now suffers no more than he +deserves.”</p> +<p>“A man so learned!” said I to the devil.</p> +<p>“Yes, too much so; and too much knowledge is often more +injurious than profitable.”</p> +<p>I began now to tire of hell, and fatigued with my walk, +intimated a desire to my conductor to depart, and to be +accompanied by him as far as the gate. He replied, he +wished first to show me the apartment of the contractors, whom I +had not yet seen, and which was upon a line with that in which we +were. I then entered into the chambers of these farmers of +the revenue, and was surprised to see such a multitude, each +habited in the garb of his own country. “There are +here, then,” said I, “people from all quarters of the +globe.”</p> +<p>“Yes,” replied the devil, “since there are +every where imposts.”</p> +<p>“But why,” demanded I, “are these people <a +name="page122"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 122</span>damned, who +have levied the lawful tribute of legitimate princes? I +have read in the scripture that it is lawful to pay tribute unto +Cæsar: how shall this tribute be paid, unless there are +people to collect it? must one be damned for doing a +duty?”</p> +<p>“Hold, hold,” cried the demon; “not quite so +much philosophy; these contractors were full as philosophical as +you are; but it is nevertheless true, if they had only levied the +tribute due to their prince, they would not have been damned; but +they raised one not due, either to the prince or to themselves: +they would have been much better off, had they not made so much +expense, and the prince had given them but a shilling for a +pound. Calculate, for a moment, what an enormous sum is +requisite, for the compensation of the host of subalterns +attached to an office; consider then, how much the principal must +gain; add to that, what goes into the coffers of the king, +without mentioning what is styled the <i>perquisites</i>, and you +will find that not more than one per cent of the ducats are +realized at the treasury; and that, he <a +name="page123"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 123</span>who gets +the most, is doubtless the farmer. If the king of Spain +would oblige them to send straight to him the custom on exports +and imports, he would profit by that the contractors get. +There needs but one commissary, for all the revenues of the king, +in each office; he should supervise all the books and accounts, +contenting himself with a generous salary for his care, punishing +frauds by pecuniary fines, and by corporeal inflictions for +second offences. If the matter was thus managed, the king +would be richer, and taxes less; the people would be less +burthened, and almost all this great number of contractors, would +remain in commerce, in the army, or country. How much +should you say,” demanded the devil, “the king +received, of what is annually taken from the royal +mines?”</p> +<p>“About three quarters,” replied I.</p> +<p>“He would be too well off,” exclaimed he, with a +cry of admiration; “he does not get the thousandth part; +all goes in outfits, in expenses; and I verily believe, that if +these things are to continue thus, the king would <a +name="page124"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 124</span>gain more +by closing them, than in causing them to be worked.”</p> +<p>“At present,” said I, “there is a necessity +of levying imposts, of having contractors, and paying them well: +the neighbouring princes do the same, to furnish their charges +and expenses of war: if this is an evil, it is one that must be +endured, to preserve the whole body politic from +destruction. But how is it possible, you can so vehemently +dislike the gentlemen of the revenue, who form by far the largest +part of your infernal population?”</p> +<p>“It is the force of reason,” answered he, +“that compels even demons to avow the truth, and both to +love and detest the wickedness we are desirous of detecting in +others, to make them companions of our misery.”</p> +<p>“I admire,” said I, “the force of truth; and +I admire not less to see injustice hated, even among the unjust; +but I cannot comprehend, why you should say, that however +legitimate the tribute due to the prince, the contractors cannot +conscientiously take the public money.”</p> +<p><a name="page125"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +125</span>“You misapprehend me; that they can do; but the +farmers collect more money than is consistent with equity, or the +orders of the prince; they extort that which should be useful for +the maintenance of the public weal: it is of this charge, of this +waste, the contractors are guilty.”</p> +<p>“I understand you,” said I to the demon; +“but conduct me from hence, for I am weary.”</p> +<p>He continued:—“Do you comprehend what I say, that +it is the contractors who are most happy and rich? and from +whence come those superb mansions, as magnificently furnished as +the Escurial palace? how can they support such enormous expenses? +entertain so many gentlemen? give their daughters such ample +dowries? contract advantageous alliances with the noblest +families of Castile and Arragon? Such an one shall command +to-day, and be covered in the king’s presence, who a year +since drove a chariot, or stood behind a carriage. Another, +who hired his land, shall presently purchase the farm he formerly +cultivated. Appointed a subaltern <a +name="page126"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 126</span>in one of +the offices, he soon becomes its head, and is elevated by degrees +to the nobility.”</p> +<p>The demon having finished, I thanked him, and wishing to +impress the lesson on my memory, engaged him to repeat it. +He summed up the whole in the following +manner:—“Observe neither what reason or the law +prescribes to thee, respect neither God nor the king, lay the +peasantry under contribution, succumb to the great, become a +great proprietary farmer, cause the purchaser to pay you twice +for what you sell: to put out of sight the baseness of your +origin, obtain an appointment in one of the bureaux, and accustom +yourself to command; for by these gradations one may arrive at +the highest dignities.”</p> +<p>“What signifies all that,” said one of the +contractors, who listened to our discourse; “is it not +natural for a person to elevate himself if he can? Is it +not the order of Providence, that the lofty should be abased, and +the humble exalted? Fortune is but a wheel, which in its +revolutions puts underneath <a name="page127"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 127</span>what but now was on top. If +the subjects were more attached to the government, the sovereign +would have less need of imposts, and consequently of +collectors. If they were perfectly just, they would not +need a king. To complain of our avarice is to accuse +heaven; instead of which only the impenetrability of individuals +should be reproached, who would rather see a great kingdom like +Spain entirely overthrown, than advance a single real to repair +the slightest breach. Know, Signor Devil, who has delivered +such a philippic against the contractors, that we have been to +our country, what the bones and muscles are to the human body, or +numerous armies to a province threatened with an invasion: if the +king of hell would but consult with us, we should teach him to +fortify his dominions in such a manner, that they would be +impregnable to both saints and angels. In the first place, +I would lay a tax upon every demon who plies his occupation in +the world: secondly, I would establish a daily employment for +each soul in the infernal world: thirdly, I would make the +magicians and sorcerers <a name="page128"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 128</span>pay an annual tribute: this will be +done, for I have heard the king of the demons was about to +organise a council of financiers; and this is a subject that +might well engage even the attention of that celebrated +Englishman, who invented the first paper currency of +England.”</p> +<p>“And wherefore,” said the demon, “impose a +tax on us? What will you do when we refuse to pay? +Can you confiscate our estates? In what prisons will you +confine us when you have decreed our arrest? We should mock +at all your projects: ah, little man! you grow licentious! you +must be chained up; come, obey; extend your hands and +legs.”</p> +<p>“I shall do neither the one nor the other,” said +the contractor; “you are not here our master; I will call +the financial council together; and I am going this instant to +denounce you to the grand inquisition, because you resist paying +tribute to the king of Spain.”</p> +<p>“I laugh at your inquisition,” said the demon, +“and to be beforehand with you, I will <a +name="page129"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 129</span>denounce +you to the prince of devils himself: come, quick, obey; extend +your hands and legs.”</p> +<p>The contractor found himself loaded with irons, in spite of +his remonstrances: the devil then went into the apartment of the +inquisitors to subject them to the same treatment, and afterwards +returned to accompany me to the gate, as I had requested.</p> +<p>“These insolents,” muttered he, “these +insects! what pride! what rodomontades! was there ever seen such +supercilious knaves? But I will humble them in such a +manner, and make them suffer so much, that they will have no +stomach to talk of imposts and taxes.”</p> +<p>When we had left these contractors, (whom I regard as the most +unhappy class in hell, because, let them do ever so much good to +the prince or to the state, let them be ever so upright in their +administration, nay, even if they were angels, they could not +escape accusation and hatred) our attention was attracted by an +immense crowd, which had arrived and filled up the avenue in such +a manner, <a name="page130"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +130</span>that we could not pass, and so were obliged to fall +back to the opposite gate. “Who are these +people?” inquired I of the demon.</p> +<p>“They are,” replied he, “a corps of tailors; +they arrive here in crowds, like great armies, and when they +come, all the demons are put in requisition to confine them; my +duty compels me to assist; go with me, and amuse yourself with +our proceedings.”</p> +<p>We made our way through this crowd of tailors, and arrived at +length, before a great furnace, the mouth of which was more than +ten fathoms in diameter. There they bound these tailors in +faggots, putting from ten to a dozen in each bundle: they +fastened each one by the feet, and then brought a rope about the +whole package, and afterwards suspending the faggot to a hook, +which was elevated by means of a pulley, over the centre of the +furnace, a devil detached it, and let it fall into the +fire. Sometimes the tailors who had their arms free, +grasped so firmly the pulley, that the devil had an infinite deal +of trouble to loose their hold: when that took place, he caused +the whole mass to make a pirouette in <a name="page131"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 131</span>the air, and as the motion was +violent, the tailors were always forced to let go, and drop into +the fire. It happened that one of these faggots fell +outside the aperture, upon a quantity of others, which were +ranged like a pile of wood, and which the devil measured. +The individuals of this faggot, seized hold of the others in such +a manner, that they could not separate them; so that the devils +who united their strength for that purpose, were obliged to take +the whole pile, attach it to the hook, and let it all go +together. The mass was so great, that it seemed as if it +would choke the fire of hell. The devils bestirred +themselves, and finally made an end of the tailors; they then +cast in a great quantity of oil, tallow, and sulphur, and +stirring them up with long iron tormentors, and employing large +bellows, the fire caught all at once, and raised a flame, that +rose above the mouth of the furnace more than three hundred +feet. All the tailors having been cast into the fire, their +demon general, with a haughty and severe air, came to demand of +me, why I had not been bound with the others.</p> +<p><a name="page132"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +132</span>“Because,” said I to him, “I am not a +tailor, a rogue, a thief, neither a cabbager of stuff nor money; +I am here with my companion, Curiosity, to inspect the beauties +and antiquities of this country.”</p> +<p>“You are a liar,” replied the general; “you +are one of my subjects; I know you by your strait-cut dress, +which, without doubt, you have made out of the clippings of some +other; come, obey; cast yourself into the fire, or I will throw +you in.”</p> +<p>As he was about to bind me, my demon informed the general that +I was not yet dead; that I had never been of any trade, and that +he believed I should not be one of their subjects, because those +who descended quick into hell, conducted themselves afterwards in +such a manner, as not to revisit it after death; furthermore, the +cross of Saint James, (which I carried,) would inspire fear, and +cause false alarms in the bosoms of the damned.</p> +<p>“Come hither, then,” said the general, “and +profit by what you see; you know, at least, that tailors are the +fuel of hell, and serve to burn those that come +hither.”</p> +<p><a name="page133"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 133</span>My +demon advised me to go promptly, because if the general should +get angry, he might do me a mischief. In walking along, he +informed me the unhappy tailors were so numerous, that they not +only fed the great furnace of hell, which warmed all the +apartments, but also furnished the table of Lucifer, when he had +a mind to feast.</p> +<p>“How!” exclaimed I, “Lucifer eat? Can +spirits eat?”</p> +<p>“Do you not know,” replied he, “that the +damned are as the herb the sheep eateth, and that death is this +sheep? Have you not read in your sacred books, that death +devoureth the damned? <i>Mors depascet eos</i>.”</p> +<p>While he was speaking, we met a troop of booksellers, at whose +head was one Peter Marteau, a publisher, of Cologne; he was +loaded with a burden so unwieldy, that it was impossible to +comprehend how any one man could bear it. They informed me, +these were the books printed under his name, after his +death. The booksellers of Holland were also very heavily +laden; and those of France bore also the books struck off at +their houses, with <a name="page134"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +134</span>the title of a Dutch bookseller. These people +were carrying their books to the furnace, but were prevented by a +singular accident: a demon, who passed by with a flambeau, +approaching to look at them, their papers caught fire, and +instantly spread from one to another through the whole body: when +they perceived the flame, they threw down their loads, and fled +with all convenient speed. I asked them why they were +damned: they answered, for the faults of others.</p> +<p>“An author,” observed they, “often carries a +work to the printer, which has no merit, and besides, as +unsaleable as a girl, ugly and poor: by this means the printer is +ruined; in vain he curses the author, and seeks to reimburse +himself by the sale of an unpopular book; this book is the cause +of his failure; his creditors seize his goods and shop; he +maddens, and resigns himself to despair. A translator, who +understands Greek, undertakes a dull work; sometimes he supposes +he has discovered a manuscript; he carries his translation to the +printer, who, not being able to get rid of it, sells the leaves +to the grocer or <a name="page135"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +135</span>butter woman. Another cause of our damnation; a +bookseller sells at a handsome profit, the <i>satires</i> of +Juvenal, the <i>comedies</i> of Terence, and of other poets, as +those of Virgil and Ovid; a lackey, a shop-boy, a soldier, a +clerk, purchase these works, and amuse themselves among serving +girls, with what cost long study to these men of genius. +Without mentioning other books we vend, and which obtain +circulation, only because they flatter the taste or passions of +the buyer, is it not true, that a pretty story of gallantry, +secret memoirs, cabinet intrigues, which profess to expose the +designs of the government, or the end of some great affair, are +the most dangerous books? and these are the kind we sell +best. Is it us, then, upon whom reproach ought to fall, or +on the readers?”</p> +<p>“He speaks advisedly,” said a Holland publisher; +“we have put to press all the follies of certain authors, +who wished to revenge themselves, either upon a mistress, judge, +minister of state, or prince; and for this we must needs be +adjudged guilty of other’s faults, and share their +punishment! but that would <a name="page136"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 136</span>have been slight, if we had not +meddled with books of religion. We have published in +Holland the works of all parties; Christians, Jews, Catholics, +Protestants, Socinians, Quakers, and every other sect; and often +in the same book, sold both sides of the controversy.”</p> +<p>“You have then,” said I, “no +religion!”</p> +<p>“We are,” replied the Dutchman, “the +historians of authors; and as a historian must have neither +relations, country, friends, nor religion, even so we have none +of these; but under the name of citizens of the world, have but +one object, and that, the advancement of our own +interests.”</p> +<p>Immediately upon these words, he hastily fled with the others, +to re-assemble themselves near the demon of the book merchants, +who called for his whole crew. I felt great compassion at +the fate of these unhappy wretches, condemned to hell, because +they were brought up to the profession of publishing the dreams +and extravagances of authors: it is worthy also of reflection, +that they are compelled to consult the taste of the age, and of +the multitude. <a name="page137"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 137</span>Now the taste of the age is +exceedingly fickle: it is not that of learned men and wits; books +of morality and criticism are purchased much less readily than +novels and profane histories; so that book merchants, in their +condition, have an unhappiness that attaches itself to no other +trade, independently of the fact, that this business is not held +in the same estimation at the present day, that it formerly +was. They were then ranked with men of letters; they were +admitted to the bar and church; the cardinal Ximenes bestowed on +them great preferments; he ennobled him who published the famous +<i>Bible d’arrias montars</i>. We see, in his time, +publishers who possessed rich abbeys and seats in the +council. And what was not done for them by the fifth +Sixtus, that incomparable genius? In France, they arrived +at great distinction, and have been seen in the first posts of +the principal cities of the kingdom; and we know that a +celebrated emperor of Germany, was one of the first publishers, +if not himself the inventor of printing. But to return from +this digression: when the book merchants were <a +name="page138"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +138</span>re-assembled, the notaries, who had just arrived, +wished to place themselves in their ranks; but the devil used his +authority to separate them, averring that there was, in fact, a +vast difference.</p> +<p>“Without doubt,” said the notaries, “we are +the book merchants of manuscripts; we compose and publish our +works, to which the public accord the same faith, as to things +they have themselves seen; we are faithful public witnesses, the +guarantees of contracts, promises, and obligations; the guardians +of titles, rights, and privileges; our testimony is true, +infallible; above suspicion, deceit, and fraud.”</p> +<p>“Why,” said the devil, “are you come to +hell? for if you fulfilled those duties, you are honest people, +and I declare, not only useful, but necessary to the public; for, +between ourselves, there is so little public sincerity, that if +one could not prove, by writings and witnesses, the price at +which he bought or sold, he would often find himself cheated of +his money.”</p> +<p>“It is,” said one of the notaries, “for some +antedates or superfluous ciphers, that we are <a +name="page139"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 139</span>damned; +judge you, if the matter is of such vital consequence; one is so +often deceived by writings, and one figure is so easily +substituted for another;—the pen too, slips sometimes, and +a nought is so easily made!”</p> +<p>“You are right, in truth,” said the devil, +addressing himself to me; “they wrong these poor people, in +sending them to us; they have committed trifling faults, while +they do not punish the apothecaries, even, for putting up the +recipes sent them. I have a great mind to send these +unfortunate persons home again.—Go; return, my friends; you +have suffered great injustice.”</p> +<p>“And we also,” said the corps of bankrupts; for +they had done them the honour to separate them from the +merchants, who had dealt honestly.</p> +<p>“As to you, Signors,” said the devil, “enter +into the furnace, without further examination: we leave it to the +notaries to enter at pleasure; they have within them a torment as +cruel as fire; it is conscience, that never yet respected any +person.”</p> +<p>“Oh, oh! ah, ah!” cried the bankrupts, <a +name="page140"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 140</span>“if +they had not wronged us, we should have kept our faith with every +one: would you, because we were cheated, that we should send our +families to the almshouse?”</p> +<p>“I did not go to Holland, or to the islands, when I +failed,” said one; “I shut myself up in a private +room in my house, and there negotiated, through my wife, with my +creditors, making each one to remit a part of his just claims: +you know what would have happened, had I appeared; there is +seldom much charity among creditors.”</p> +<p>“I,” said another, “did much better; for I +transported from Madrid to Venice all the merchandises I had +collected, changed my name, and after having made a fortune upon +these goods, paid the principal, on condition they would remit +the interest: was there not in this bankruptcy, good faith, +justice, and prudence?”</p> +<p>“Yes,” replied the devil, “and I cannot +conceive on what grounds you were condemned; it is very evident +it must have been for something else.”</p> +<p>“No,” continued the man, “it was for this <a +name="page141"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 141</span>very thing; +because they pretend that for these twenty years, I have injured +my creditors, in depriving them of the enjoyment and possession +of their property; consider, Signor devil, if I am under an +obligation to repair this damage? would it not only be +ridiculous, but render them guilty of usury towards +me.”</p> +<p>“Ah! the honest man,” said the devil; “why +do they send to us folks so upright and sincere? but my +friend,” continued he, “you have the ill luck to be +found in bad company; we cannot help you; arm yourself, +therefore, with courage, and prepare to support the sufferings to +which the bankrupts are destined; you will be forced to accustom +yourself to much pain; but console yourself, by uniting your +complaints with those of your comrades.”</p> +<p>Directly the devil stamped upon the pavement, where the +publishers, notaries, and bankrupts stood, when a trap door, +springing open, engulphed them all, and closed itself as +before.</p> +<p>At this stage of my dream, I was awakened by a serenade of +violins and hautboys, that <a name="page142"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 142</span>some one gave to a young lady of the +house. I immediately arose, and looking from the window, +saw a number of young men, who, after a prelude upon their +instruments, began to sing. As there was no window but mine +open, they imagined they beheld the beauty to whom their homage +was addressed; and to amuse myself at their expense, I threw out +a splendid handkerchief, which one of them eagerly caught; he +kissed it more than an hundred times; then putting a diamond, +worth thirty pistoles, into a purse, threw it into my chamber, +with a billet couched in these terms:—</p> +<p>“My charming princess, at night my heart awakes for +thee; by day, I am only occupied with your charms. I burn, +without cessation, with the love you have inspired; when shall I +have the happiness to express to you in private, what I feel, and +what your silence causes me to suffer? one sweet line from your +hand, shall re-assure and console me. Speak, and nothing +can equal my happiness; continue silent, my misery is at its +height, and I have no relief, but in death.”</p> +<p><a name="page143"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 143</span>After +perusing this billet, I answered it in the following manner, the +substance of which was furnished by a song I happened to +remember.</p> +<p>“When one reigns, or when one loves, the pain is not +without its pleasures; solicitude renders them more vivid. +Happy prince! Happy lover! it is not in vain you suffer; +they will resist you but slightly, when they themselves suffer +from protracted resistance; yes, when one reigns, or when one +loves, the pain is not without its pleasures.”</p> +<p>I cast my billet from the window, and it was soon taken +up. The adventure seemed to me very pleasant: behold what +followed; I deposited in the bed of the fair, the diamond that +was designed for her, not being able to keep it longer with +honour, and without exposing myself to the anger of the young +lady, who would soon know by what window it entered. Upon +retiring the next night, she found it; she informed her lover of +the discovery, and he explained the whole affair. She +thanked me graciously for my gallantry; <a +name="page144"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 144</span>I gave her +the billet I had received, and she returned my +handkerchief. The mistake arose from my having lain, that +night, in the chamber ordinarily occupied by this young lady, her +bed having been removed to that of her father, and on that +account was unable, as usual, to answer her gallant. She +made me the confidant of her attachment, and besought my good +offices with her father, which I so zealously used, that in less +than a month, I assisted at the marriage of these lovers.</p> +<p>Those who interpret dreams, say, that the one I had concerning +hell, hardly presaged this adventure. I pray those who read +my reveries, or nocturnal visions, to consider that they contain +more truth, than one would be apt, at first, to imagine: by day +they ought to occupy themselves with thoughts upon hell, as +intently as they would in the most important affair; or as they +would seek the means of deliverance, if shut up in prison, for a +crime against the state. One is damned for a less offence +than the robbery of the treasury, revolt, or parricide. +Yes, for a much <a name="page145"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +145</span>slighter fault, one shall be eternally tormented in +hell.—Reflect often upon this, dear readers, lest you have +it to say, through the interminable ages of futurity, “<i>I +could not have thought it</i>.”</p> +<h2><a name="page146"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +146</span>SEVENTH NIGHT.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">THE REFORMATION OF HELL.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">As</span> I promenaded one day in my +garden, thinking of demons, which are always at the back of every +one, the foolish idea struck me, that it would not be wholly +useless to reform my life. I felt a curiosity to see my +evil demon; but, thought I to myself, if I should see him I +believe I should die with fear. No, said I again, I should +not be terrified, if he would but show himself in a human +shape. After having repressed this improper curiosity, and +resumed my composure, I heard a man speaking to me; and turning +my eyes to that side from whence the voice proceeded, I +perceived, through a grated door, which separated the garden from +the park, on the other side, a gentleman of a good mien, who +requested me to open the gate, as he wished to have some +conversation with me. As he resembled a man with whom I had +formerly some misunderstanding, I refused; but he <a +name="page147"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 147</span>passed over +it before I had the power to prevent him. Immediately +drawing my sword, I set upon him; and he doing the same, parried +my thrusts and stood upon the defensive only. As I +perceived that his figure at one moment contracted, and anon +dilated to a huge magnitude, I began to suspect that he was +either a magician or a demon; and stepping rearward some paces, +demanded who he was. He answered that he was my demon, and +wished to render me a service.</p> +<p>“I have no need of such service,” said I to him; +“for demons are both deceptive and malicious.”</p> +<p>“No, no,” replied he; “fear nothing; only +come with me.”</p> +<p>Forthwith he transported me into the air, and I soon lost +sight of my house and garden. In a short time we drew near +the moon; and while passing, I gazed attentively upon those +valleys, mountains, and lakes, which are but imperfectly +perceived from the earth by the aid of telescopes. The +demon transported me to Sicily and set me down upon the summit of +a mountain covered with cinders yet hot, <a +name="page148"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 148</span>which he +told me was Etna. There was, from this place, a very fine +prospect; one sees all the beauties of the isle, and of the +surrounding seas: in the distance, the highlands of Africa are +distinguished, like fleecy clouds, upon the verge of the horizon; +a multitude of vessels were sailing in view, which seemed like +white ants, or flies, sporting upon the surface of the +ocean. After we had rested there about one hour, the demon +told me to follow him. We descended into an aperture from +whence belched forth smoke and flame that illumined the whole +mountain.</p> +<p>“It is here,” said the demon, “that Pliny +fell, when he had the temerity to approach too near.”</p> +<p>The whole way, as we proceeded, was composed of rocks and fat +earth, like bitumen, and from time to time, might be seen veins +of sulphur. The rocks were full of little crevices, from +whence issued vapours and sulphurous exhalations, and sometimes +slight gusts of wind. When we had travelled downwards about +the space of an hour, we came to a vast cavern, into which we +entered; at its extremity <a name="page149"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 149</span>was an immense palace, hewn in the +rock, and elevated upon massive pillars.</p> +<p>“This,” said the demon, “is the palace of +Lucifer. Let us enter into the great hall, where we shall +see him give a general audience to the damned: listen attentively +to what shall be said; examine the events that take place, and +let what you shall see serve for your instruction.”</p> +<p>The following is a correct account of what I saw in these +subterraneous abodes.—For a long time, Lucifer, the ruler +of hell had not given audience to his subjects: the disorder that +ordinarily obtain in states from the negligence of princes, are +incidental as well among demons as men. The evil spirits +remained sometimes for ages in the world, without rendering any +account of the souls they had gained, and often suffered +themselves to be driven from the tenements of which they were +masters; the address of some monk or priest snatching from them +their conquest. Men performed in hell the office of demons; +and as they frequently left their chains to seek their enemies, +battles were as common, as <a name="page150"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 150</span>formerly between the Romans and +Gauls. Lucifer, either from a fear for his crown, or +weariness at seeing so many combats, resolved one day to hear, in +general convention, the complaints of the damned; to introduce a +reform among the demons; to re-establish the submission and +obedience due to his sceptre, and to extend the boundaries of his +empire by new conquests: this was very easy of execution, +provided he would give access and free parlance to his subjects, +and compel his demons to render an exact account of their +administrations. With this design he secretly consulted +with Belzebub, the prince of devils, Belial, the governor-general +of Pagan nations, and Ashtaroth, the princess who commands all +women. At the termination of this council, circular letters +were published, which ordained that all those who had complaints +to prefer, and all the demons scattered over the world, should +assemble upon an appointed day in the great hall of the palace, +when and where they should be heard.</p> +<p>The day fixed being arrived, the hall was presently filled, +and measures taken, that as <a name="page151"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 151</span>soon as one party was heard, another +should enter. Lucifer was seated upon his golden throne, +having upon each side those princes I have before +mentioned. After having inveighed against the disorders +prevalent in hell, and stated his determination to rectify them, +he signified his permission to the standers by to speak. At +this intimation there arose an old man of a haughty appearance, +and having a crown of laurel upon his head; he read the Roman +laws touching parricides, and amplified upon the ingratitude of +natural and adopted children towards their parents.</p> +<p>“The parties,” said Belzebub to Lucifer, +“must be ordered, before commencing their speeches, to +announce their names, because many of them have been dead a great +length of time.”</p> +<p>Such a decree was accordingly made; and he who had now spoken +about half an hour, said that he was Julius Cæsar, the +first emperor of the Romans. “Under the pretext of +the liberty of our common country,” continued he, +“Brutus and Cassius, to gratify their ambition, +assassinated me in the midst of the <a name="page152"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 152</span>senate, their enmity was not +directed against the empire and monarchy, which were, on the +contrary, the object of their desires; but they hated the +emperor, who had magnified the Roman power, and extended its +dominion both north and east. Was the government better +administered in the hands of those senators, who, by their feuds +and personal dislikes, perilled the salvation of the republic, by +resigning it into the hands of a perpetual dictation, whom they +were obliged shortly afterwards to elect? Rome having once +tasted the benefits of monarchy, preferred rather to obey a Nero, +a Tiberius, a Caligula, or a Heliogabulus, than to re-establish +this pretended public liberty, for which Brutus and Cassius, +those two traitors, took up arms against the father of their +country.”</p> +<p>He continued his discourse in this strain, and concluded by +moving, that they should be treated in hell as assassins, public +disturbers, and traitors.</p> +<p>Brutus then arose, and with a trembling voice, said: +“Senators, you have heard Cæsar; have you not been +biassed by his <a name="page153"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +153</span>eloquence? But will you forget the services I +have rendered? Remember the advice you privately gave me, +to encourage the glorious design I had conceived in favour of +your liberty? Answer then to Cæsar, that it was by +your advice I gave the fatal stab; that if the laws had not been +abrogated and violated by the formidable power of tyranny, you +would, yourselves, have put him to death under the forms of +justice; and that your silence, after the execution of my +project, was an evidence of your approbation.”</p> +<p>Cassius, assuming the discourse, said he would not undertake +to plead his own cause if Cicero was present.</p> +<p>“I will not,” said Cæsar, “listen to +this timid sycophant; this cowardly soul; this selfish orator: +when he feared my power, he said, in full senate, that he would +be my buckler against enemies, and, at the same time, conspired +against my life, and defends the act of Brutus and Cassius. +His cupidity was so eager, that for money, he might be bought on +the same day to speak upon both sides of a case; and so +sober-tongued, that there was <a name="page154"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 154</span>not a soldier in the army, who would +have bestowed upon his greatest foe one tittle of the scurrility +he heaped upon Anthony. You recollect, Signors, his +phillipics: he had not the courage to support a change of +fortune; and the common cause was abandoned by this patriotic man +before he was slain by Anthony.”</p> +<p>“May all such wretches be ever punished in the same +manner! and with what can they reproach me? Did I put any +senator to death? Did I pillage the commonwealth? Did +I not return, by my will, what I had amassed and conserved for +her defence? Will they accuse me of tyranny and +usurpation? I, who delivered the Romans from the ambition +of a Pompey? Will they charge me with cruelty? I, who +could not behold without weeping the head of my most inveterate +enemy? Yes, I can truly say, that it was grief at the sad +fate of Pompey, that invited me to declare war against +Egypt. I was desirous of avenging the death of this great +man. He would have made himself master of Rome if I had not +prevented him; and because I stood forth as <a +name="page155"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 155</span>the +defender of the public liberty, was assassinated as a +usurper. What wickedness! What perfidy! What +cruelty! The senate recognized every thing I had done, +when, after my death, they erected statues, and built me +temples. Infernal judge, will you bear with these impious +men, who killed him whom the empire delighted to +honour?”</p> +<p>Cicero would have spoken, fearing the eloquence of +Cæsar, or his vehemency, would impose upon the judges; but +Cæsar constantly interrupting him, Lucifer, tired with +their clamours and the length of the cause, ordered that the +emperor, as a punishment for not having profited by the advice he +received on his way to the senate, upon the day of his death, +should remain in his present place.</p> +<p>“It was I,” said Cicero, “who caused this +information to be sent him.”</p> +<p>“Base liar! perfidious man!” cried Cæsar, +“it was you who gave me this information! why did you not +bring it yourself?”</p> +<p>“It was the will of Fate, that Brutus, Cassius, and +other senators, involved in this conspiracy, should be marks for +infamy, as <a name="page156"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +156</span>traitors to their country, and as having afforded a +direful example of politicians without courage.”</p> +<p>After him arose Alexander the Great, very much vexed that +Cæsar had spoken before him, and pretending that the cause +of this Roman emperor should not be considered before that of the +emperor of the world; but he abandoned his pretensions, when a +crier had made proclamation, that in hell, all conditions were +equal, and that the damned had among them, no other distinctions +than those of crime.</p> +<p>“Infamous prince,” said Clytus, who stood behind +Alexander, “dare you speak, after having murdered the best +of your friends? Is not the brightness of thy conquests +tarnished by the shame of thy cruelty? What punishment dost +thou merit, for having despoiled princes so distant from Macedon, +who, so far from having wronged or injured you, did not even know +you?”</p> +<p>“Silence,” said Alexander.</p> +<p>“What! I be silent! if Lucifer, the chief of this +empire, imposes silence upon me, I <a name="page157"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 157</span>will obey: but shall I yet receive +orders from you, cruel brigand, notorious robber, sacrilegious +rascal, debauchee, fool, drunkard, incendiary?”</p> +<p>“No, no: speak, son of Olympias,” said Lucifer to +Alexander.</p> +<p>He began thus: “Alexander, son of Jupiter Amnion, lord +of the world, most high and mighty emperor, conqueror of the +habitable globe—”</p> +<p>Clytus laughed at the boasts: “what a lord! what an +emperor! what a god! Behold the titles which I +dispute. In the first place, his mother was a virtuous +woman. She but mocked her son, who, through pride, accused +her with having committed adultery with Jupiter Amnion. +Secondly, he was not lord of the world; since he did not conquer +the tenth part of it: and thirdly, it is false that he is a great +emperor; for an emperor is only ennobled by heroic virtues and +qualities, which he did not possess. And how is it possible +that he should be the conqueror of the habitable globe, having +never been neither to Africa, nor very far in Europe, nor to <a +name="page158"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +158</span>China? Thus he is only Alexander, as I am +Clytus.”</p> +<p>Here Lucifer passed an order that this prince should only +assume the titles that veritably pertained to him, and permitted +Clytus to continue.</p> +<p>“I was,” said Clytus, “the prime favourite +of this Alexander, who, wishing to conquer every body, had no +enemy nearer and more powerful than himself. Contemplate +our portraits: I was his favourite, and I have always seen him as +ambitious of distinction in wickedness as he was for honourable +action: but as a foundation to my complaints against him, I ought +to state, that this prince, elevated by his flatterers to a place +among the gods, was accustomed to speak without respect of Philip +his father. He showed himself more munificent towards +gladiators, musicians, and drunkards, than towards his bravest +captains. In conformity to this disposition, he gave the +kingdom of Sidon to Abdolonymus, a well-digger; he committed +numberless extravagances at the instigation of his mistresses; to +please a courtesan named Roxana, he burnt <a +name="page159"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 159</span>the palace +of the Persian kings; his conduct towards Parmenio, Philotas, and +Calisthenes, as well as Aminthus, his relation, is sufficient +proof of his barbarity. And did he not exhibit more than +cruelty towards me? I was the most faithful of his +confidants; he who flattered him the least; who gave him the best +of counsel; to whom he owed his reputation and honour. +Alas! because I had the presumption to speak my true sentiments +at a feast, he arose from the table and inflicted upon me a +mortal wound. I now demand expiation. King of hell, +revenge Clytus, punish Alexander.”</p> +<p>This prince then replied as follows:—“Favourites +bear the same relation to sovereigns as mice to cats.”</p> +<p>At this exordium Clytus began to laugh, and said: +“Listen to a comparison worthy of the disciple of +Aristotle.”</p> +<p>“The mouse,” continued Alexander, “seems at +first to divert itself with the cat; but finally this animal, +being more powerful, devours the mouse, who cannot accuse her +with cruelty for wishing to take her turn in the sport. <a +name="page160"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 160</span>Such, about +me, was the condition of Clytus: but to demonstrate the mistake +of this ungrateful favourite, I aver, that it is the policy of +princes to keep favourites, who are towards them neither forward +nor haughty; and not to accord them too much power. The +liberties they take with us cause us to fall into contempt; their +hauteur makes us appear timid, and their power fills us with just +suspicions. Clytus having thus taken advantage of me, I was +frequently ashamed of his familiarities. Such was his +pride, that if I dared to contradict him in the least thing, he +reared up like an unruly horse: my bounty had rendered him so +powerful, that he was in fact Alexander, and I was but +Clytus. In particular, he abused my mistresses, and the +officers of my house; in counsel he was always right and I wrong; +in every battle, it was he that was victorious, and I who had +been slack and timid. If I put some to death, it was but +consonant with justice, to punish the seditious or conspiring; if +I burnt the palace of the kings of Persia, it was for the purpose +of destroying a fortress that had been used against <a +name="page161"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 161</span>me; if the +pleasures that were indulged in after my conquests were sometimes +too free, it arose from a desire to gratify my generals; in fine, +the death of Clytus crushed those treasonous designs of which I +had notice. He only waited for an opportunity to set one +part of my army against the other, and to despatch me. I +sang at a feast the songs my soldiers had composed upon their +officers and myself; I rallied Clytus for having, in a certain +action, taken to flight: this madman let loose his rage upon me; +he loaded me with contumely; the wine he had drank deprived him +of reason: I thought it was time to punish his audacity, and to +prevent the excesses to which it might carry him. Thus +perished an usurping, traitorous, insolent and unworthy +favourite. Lucifer, I have spoken the truth.”</p> +<p>After having heard the parties, the king said to his demons, +“Take notice how proper it is that a subject should be +faithful and submissive to his prince; and that a favourite +should not go beyond the respect he owes to his sovereign. +<i>We do order</i> that as long as Alexander shall be tormented +by his ambition, <a name="page162"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +162</span>Clytus shall experience all the remorse that springs +from rashness and ingratitude.”</p> +<p>At the same moment was heard the voice of Seneca, speaking to +Nero: “Cruel prince, how have you profited by the lessons +of clemency, goodness, and humanity I have given you? Did +you not murder me to repossess yourself of the wealth I had +received from you? Such was my recompense for having raised +you to empire. Was it not I who saved you from the +conspiracy formed by Piso, after you had set fire to all quarters +of Rome? Was it not I who delivered you from the snares +which had been spread for you by the friends of your mother +Agrippina, whom you afterwards put to death? I was more +careful of your reputation than yourself, when I advised you not +to exhibit yourself as a comedian upon the theatre; when you +entered the lists to dispute the prize of poetry with Lucan, whom +you afterwards assassinated.”</p> +<p>“Old fool,” said Nero, in a slender voice, +“thou wert become unworthy of my favours by thy excessive +ambition, and by the dishonour <a name="page163"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 163</span>you brought upon my palace. +Great Lucifer, you see a man who, being my preceptor, did not +profit by his own theory. He maintained a shameful commerce +with my mother; and with a view to favour it, poisoned the +Emperor Claudius, my father, who did not commit suicide, as was +the prevalent opinion at Rome. The partiality of my mother +filled him with such audacity, that he projected mounting the +throne, and having me poisoned. I was informed of the +intrigue, which I suspected before having received positive +advice. I observed that his immense wealth had obtained him +very many friends among the senators, gentlemen, and officers of +the army; and it is worth while, also, to know, that this man who +preached so much about frugality, and the love of mediocrity, was +far from practising these virtues, which are easily reported of a +man possessing twelve millions of revenue. After having +punished the tyranny and usurpation of my mother, I was bound to +punish the crimes of Seneca; but I was yet lenient enough to +leave the manner of his death to his own choice.”</p> +<p><a name="page164"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +164</span>“The subjects and favourites of princes,” +said Lucifer, “are always culpable, when they are +ungrateful, or entertain any other desire than the prosperity of +their masters: they ought to leave to them the recompense of +their services, without attempting to reward themselves. +<i>We will</i>, then, that the philosopher, Seneca, born in +Spain, should be punished as if he had compassed his designs upon +Nero: and that Nero be treated as an unjust and barbarous +prince.”</p> +<p>“This ordinance,” said Sejanus, “does not +concern me: Tiberius caused me to be assassinated without reason, +actuated by one of those suspicions to which he was usually +addicted. He was troubled more by a fear of losing his +life, than the empire. His courtezans had too much +influence over him. As to myself, I have never punished any +but the enemies of Tiberius: to be sure, they were also +mine. But were not, in truth, the opposers of a minister +who governed as well as I did, foes to their prince and +country?”</p> +<p>Tiberius would have answered; but Lucifer, interrupting him, +ordered that all the <a name="page165"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 165</span>favourites of princes should come +in. There appeared a vast number, among them Plautius, the +favourite of Severus, was particularly remarkable: also Faustus, +the favourite of Phyrrhus, king of Epirus; Pyreneus and +Cleandrus, favourites of the emperor Commodus; Cincinnatus, +favourite of Britulus; Rufus, favourite of Domitian; Ampronisius, +favourite of Adrian; Belisarius, favourite of Justinian.</p> +<p>“Listen,” said Lucifer; “the favour of +princes is like quick-silver, the motion of which cannot be +arrested, and which flies the endeavour to restrain it. If +one would sublimate it, it is a vapour that exhales itself; and +often, if too much is used, it becomes dangerous. If one +anoints with it, it penetrates to the very bones: those who are +accustomed to draw it from the mine, and purify it, contract a +malady which makes them tremble all their lives. This is +the character of princes’ favour: it is inconstant, because +it depends upon the humour and passion of one who seeks only +novelty and the pleasure of the moment. If you are +importunate, if you exhibit the least sign of impatience, if you +are even suspected of prudence in the <a name="page166"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 166</span>management of your credit or +fortune, the attachment of the prince will cool. If you +show any marks of envy against another, of discontent in +yourself, or indifference in the presence of your protector, he +suspects you, and passes straightway from suspicion to enmity and +hatred. Bear then with resignation your bad fortune and the +humour of your master: your pains, attentions, time, health, +wealth all lost, you are at length obliged to return into your +humble retreat, there to expect death; which, to your grief, +comes not soon enough to free you from regret and the remembrance +of your follies. A casual sally, an instant of good humor, +a lucky word, a sudden caprice, a nothing, makes a +favourite. Five or six years suffice for his fortune; if +delayed, it escapes him. The same causes can bestow or +withdraw favour. A favourite ought to make these +reflections in his prosperity,—that he must abstain from +those liberties that are common among equals, and that freedom +which friends indulge in; that he must be constantly submissive, +and know how to accompany respect with complaisance; that the <a +name="page167"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 167</span>prince +ought always to speak the first word in a confidential affair; +and to preserve his secrets, he must dispose himself to every +kind of privation. He who hath not regulated his conduct by +these precepts must bear the burden of his own imprudence; and +for this reason <i>we order</i> that those favourites who have +incurred the displeasure of their sovereigns shall be punished as +unfaithful subjects.”</p> +<p>Lucifer then commanded an old man to advance, whom he +perceived in the hall behind the others. There advanced +then a man of a pleasant countenance, in a Greek habit, and +followed by other persons clothed in the same manner.</p> +<p>“I am Solon,” said this old man: “I gave to +the Athenians laws which they did not exactly follow; this person +contiguous to me is the philosopher Anaxarchus, whom the tyrant +Nicocreon caused to be brayed in a mortar: in this little +hump-back, behold the famous Aristotle, preceptor to the great +Alexander: his philosophy excused the disciple from practising +the morality he taught. This academician is Socrates, whom +his fellow <a name="page168"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +168</span>citizens put to death with a cup of hemlock. This +old man is the divine Plato, who, spite of the sublimity of his +doctrine, sold oil for the defrayment of his expenses. All +the rest are men of letters, who, like ourselves, have excited +the envy, and experienced the vengeance of the princes, Archons +and Tyrants, of Athens; and it is now upon these tyrants we +unitedly demand vengeance.”</p> +<p>Then Denis, the tyrant, accompanied by some other princes, +presented themselves and spoke in this manner:—“Of +whom do these old dotards complain? Infatuated by their +conceits, they pretended to dictate law to the whole world! +In fact they had so imbued the people with their dogmas and their +customs, that when we wished to make some changes, they excited +sedition. They had so much pride and presumption, that they +arrogated to themselves alone the possession of common sense and +reason; while in truth they were distinguished but for opinions +founded upon vain subtleties, and by a language not common and +familiar to men:—and now I should like to ask them what +certain knowledge they had; <a name="page169"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 169</span>what was their idea upon the nature +of the soul? and what constituted the reason and equity of their +laws?”</p> +<p>“I will add to that,” said Julian, the apostate, +“that there are pedants, who, under the affectation of +austerity, concealed the most extreme ambition. Do they +complain of the contempt that was shown them, when their manner +of living exposed them to it? Will they speak of their +poverty, who would not labour for a living? The people of +letters deceive themselves if they believe that princes and the +public ought to enrich them for vain and useless sciences. +Should they not make their calculation for that, when, idle in +their cabinets, they amuse themselves in contemplating the +figures and number of the stars, which they apply, to find fault +with the common prejudices of our ancestors?”</p> +<p>“At least,” observed Cato of Utica, “you +cannot make those remarks with regard to Cicero, or myself, who +have exercised the highest magistracies of Rome.”</p> +<p>“Old fox,” answered Julian, “I cannot, it is +true, say so of you two; for if you were <a +name="page170"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 170</span>attached to +letters, you were still more so to your fortunes. And of +whom can you complain, you who accelerated your own death? +Did you not hope to gain an easy immortality in thus quitting +your terrestrial abode? It was to arrive at this, that you +did not wish to survive the pretended misfortunes of your +country. Fine courage that, of a man who kills himself to +escape fighting with his enemies! Would you not have done +better to have preserved yourselves for the defence of Rome, its +liberty, and your goods?”</p> +<p>“I recommend you,” said Cato, “to the +Antiochians: they will tell the truth of you better than I can: +they know you; they are fully acquainted with your pusillanimity, +your vices, but, above all, with your vanity, which surpasses +your knowledge and eloquence. Look at this great emperor, +who, to punish Antioch, quits the sword, assumes the pen, and is, +after all, nothing but an ignoramus.”</p> +<p>“I am called Suetonius,” said he, who presented +himself next.</p> +<p>“Yes, this is Suetonius,” said the emperor <a +name="page171"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 171</span>Domitian, +who was at his side; “this is that notorious forger, and +compiler of histories and chronicles, who, after the example of +other historians, being a partisan and a flatterer, speaks the +truth from caprice, and lies from inclination.”</p> +<p>“I!” said Suetonius; “I have said nothing +that I cannot prove by indubitable evidence. Is it not +true, that upon the testimony of vile informers, you have taken +from the living, the estates of the dead who were accused? +Is it not true that you have levied upon your subjects tributes +so enormous, that they were forced to claim protection from a +foreign power? Is it not true that you have despoiled the +Jews of their goods only because they were born Jews? Is it +then a crime to have been circumcised at birth and not to adore +the gods of the Roman empire? Is it not true that by your +excessive expenses for theatres, and buildings, you have +exhausted the purses of the Romans, and left to perish with +hunger the bravest soldiers of the army? To escape the +consequences of a sedition, you committed horrible pillages, and +thus paid your debts. <a name="page172"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 172</span>Your pride and impiety are exhibited +in these few words, extracted from one of your declarations: +‘<i>Your Lord</i>, <i>your God</i>,’ commands +thus.”</p> +<p>“What signifies that?” said Domitian: “Are +not the emperors gods as well during their lives as after their +death? Were not Augustus and Cæsar adored in the +empire? I was as much a god at the time I willed it, as my +predecessors have been gods after their death. The divinity +of men is nothing but a power superior to that of others, as the +present divinity of Augustus is but a perfection above the +virtues and qualities of living men. But who, among men of +sense, has ever believed that the gods were like men? or adored +in the statue any thing more than the virtue of the +original? Who ever believed that the number of gods was +equal to their names, their temples, or their statues? No, +no, Suetonius, you did not believe all this, and it is from +perfidiousness that you have accused me of impiety for being +called a god.”</p> +<p>“And your unjust vexations,” replied +Suetonius.</p> +<p><a name="page173"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +173</span>“As it regards that,” said the emperor, +“subjects who cannot penetrate the designs of their +sovereigns always consider the tributes imposed upon them as +unjust; but if enemies were about to inundate the kingdom; if the +empire was menaced with approaching ruin; if there was danger of +the pillage and sack of frontier cities, would not the prince +have reason to take measures for the prevention of these +disasters by a heavier levy, and a stronger assemblage of +troops? If I had apprized the Romans of these things, which +I had learned by my spies, they would have been more likely to +have risen against myself, than against the common enemy: so +powerful is the voice of interest with the multitude!”</p> +<p>Here Lucifer interrupted the emperor and ordered all the +historians, historiographers, authors of journals, of memoirs and +chronicles, to advance, to listen to their sentence. +“It is,” said he, “for the public interest, +that mendacity should be punished in writers, as in those who +speak falsely; but it is of equal interest that writers should be +permitted to speak the truth, without flattery and without <a +name="page174"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 174</span>fear, to +the end, that men by reading the history of their ancestors, may +learn to become good, and detest the conduct of the unjust. +Although it is crime that brings us subjects, <i>we wish</i>, +nevertheless, that it should be punished in our empire; and it is +that which constitutes the justice of the torments they +feel. A prince flatters himself in vain with a fine and +secret policy, if his subjects are rendered unhappy by the rules +he has prescribed for their conduct; whatever colour he may take +to cover his actions, and make them appear just, if they are not +so in effect, which the event proves, he expects in vain the +approbation, the esteem and love of his subjects. The +writer who undertakes a history ought to divest himself of the +sentiments of both love and hatred; he ought to have no +partiality for country, relations or friends; he is the sole +judge of the affairs of which he treats, and the master of +princes when he describes their actions. Accordingly, <i>we +ordain</i>, that Domitian and the other princes shall submit to +the judgments of their historians; that the historians shall be +punished for flatteries and lies; <a name="page175"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 175</span>for the examination of which, we +order them before the tribunals of conscience, to whom we +delegate plenary authority for the decision of their cases; and +as a judgment upon the geometricians, geographers, astronomers, +and mathematicians, we condemn the one party to measure by +minutes, seconds, and lines, the dimensions of all the provinces, +kingdoms, and empires of the earth; and the others to be shut up +in the planets upon which they have pretended to make +observations, to the end that they may be instructed by their +experience. Furthermore we decree, that afterwards, the +aforesaid geometricians, geographers, astronomers, and +mathematicians, to be there punished for their foolish and rash +opinions.”</p> +<p>The audience having now lasted a considerable time, Lucifer +commanded something to eat to be brought into the middle of the +hall. Forthwith there appeared a vast number of +chirurgians, cooks of hell, with an almost equal number of +apothecaries, having the title of confectioners to the +devil. They set forth a great table of gold, upon which +they placed <a name="page176"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +176</span>a vast quantity of silver plate: they informed me that +this table and plate had been fabricated with the gold and silver +stolen, and afterwards sold to the goldsmiths. I have never +any where seen such a quantity of linen: it proceeded from the +thefts committed by linen dealers and washer women; for all that +is stolen upon earth, goes into hell after the second or third +generation of thieves. They served for the first course a +heap of tailors roasted upon the spit. Lucifer is very fond +of this meal; and the expression, “<i>may the devil swallow +me</i>,” which the tailors often use, is not inappropriate; +for he does swallow many; and the demons, his table companions, +do the same: the subjects always having tastes similar to those +of their masters, be they good or bad. I inquired of one of +the demons, why his infernal majesty devoured more tailors than +cooks, sausage makers, butchers, peruquiers, in short, people of +other trades.</p> +<p>“It is,” said he, “for a very politic +reason; for otherwise he would soon want subjects of any other +description; those of other trades are by far the least in +number, while <a name="page177"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +177</span>the others are so plenty, that if we could eat them all +in one day, the morrow would supply as many more: they arrive +continually, in one eternal troop. Sometimes in beholding +them afar off, we imagine them to be entire armies, coming to +besiege us: this trade is more useful in hell, than you would be +apt to think: we send among the tailors, young devils without +experience: their shops are so many academies for our +youth. If you had nice eyes, you might perceive more than +fifty young demons in each tailor shop; some cut the cloth; +others the list; these take away the superfluous pieces; those +put them in the place they call the <i>street</i>; while some do +nothing but open and shut the place they call the +<i>eye</i>. Some carry the cabbaged pieces to sell; others +make complete suits out of the patterns cut from the cloth; in +fine, there are many about the women, girls, and valets of the +tailor, to assist them in stealing the cloth, or stretching the +binding. When these young devils have finished their +diabolical apprenticeship, they are sent to the merchants. +In that station they abridge all the measures, and <a +name="page178"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 178</span>sometimes +throw themselves into the scale, among the merchandise, to make +it weigh more: if you could see all their tricks, you would be +highly amused.”</p> +<p>When this course was removed from the table, they served +another of tailors, roasted upon the gridiron: after that, +others, baked in pates, smothered in a pot, fried in a pan, and +dressed in a hundred different ways, with this only difference, +that those of each nation had a particular dressing. The +French tailors were spitted; the English, grilled; the Holland, +fried; the Germans, smothered in a pot; the Italians, made into +ragout; the Spanish, boiled, because they are ordinarily hard; +the Polonese, in pates; the Hungarians, salad; the Turks, cooked +in rice; the Greeks, in wine; the Arabians, dried in the sun; the +Egyptians, with onion sauce; the Algerines, fried in lard; the +Portuguese, preserved in sugar; the Danish, Swedish, and +Muscovite, were almost all dressed in the same manner; that is to +say, baked in brandy; the Tartar, boiled in horse grease; the +Persian, fricaseed with gravy <i>de demon</i>; the Indians, baked +in <a name="page179"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +179</span>bananas; the Chinese, and all the islanders, were very +much seasoned with spices and sugar; the Ethiopians, negroes of +Fez, Morocco, and Guinea, were baked in black butter; and the +Americans, in milk.</p> +<p>“What an immense quantity of tailors,” said I to +the demon who was near me; “your cooks must understand +their business, to be able to compound so many dishes of viands, +which differ no more the one from the other, than the bullocks of +Spain from those of Ireland.”</p> +<p>They served to Lucifer wine of the various publicans of the +world. “Fie!” said I to the demon; “your +master is hardly a connoisseur of wine.”</p> +<p>“You are mistaken,” said he; “it is true, +that this wine has been mixed with water, sugar, and spices; but +the publicans are obliged to separate all these drugs, even the +water which they ordinarily put in, from the rest, which remains +pure, fair and clear; if the publicans did not do this, they +would put them in the press, and draw from their veins all the +wine they had themselves drank.”</p> +<p><a name="page180"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +180</span>“How!” said I, “do you live upon +nothing but human flesh?”</p> +<p>“How should we live else?” answered he. +“Can we eat beef, mutton, partridges, fish, and +beans? These animals come not hither, but in smoke; and +herbs will not grow in a place so hot.”</p> +<p>“How can you say that animals come here in +smoke?”</p> +<p>“It is those the idolaters sacrifice to the prince of +demons: this smoke penetrates even to this place, and is the only +perfume agreeable to our sovereign; for as to the scented oils, +powders, and pomatums, of which the men and women of the other +life make use, Lucifer is so incommoded, that those who are thus +scented, dare not approach his apartment.”</p> +<p>“Egad!” said I, “Lucifer has then a smell +keener than that of a hound.”</p> +<p>“Yes: he has so fine a scent, that he instantly knows +whether a girl has been cautious or not; whether she has been +married, or not, and the exact number of times: and the other day +there came here a <i>menette</i>, who <a name="page181"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 181</span>made a profession of +<i>menettisme</i>, wearing the habits, air, <i>et cetera</i>: she +wanted to make every thing appear smooth, saying, that she had +been sent here for having administered to herself the discipline, +contrary to the direction of her directors: but the prince +approaching her, perceived, and said immediately, that this +habit, modest as it was, covered much indevotion, sacrilege, +gallantry, and falsehood. The young girl retired abashed; +she had not imagined that any person could discover, under the +exterior of such simplicity, what she had been guilty of, during +her life; you see Lucifer has an exquisite nose.”</p> +<p>“If he has,” said I, “the other senses in a +similar perfection, he well merits the commandery of +hell.”</p> +<p>In the mean time, Lucifer, and the other lords, invited to his +table, continued to eat with good appetite: besides the +individuals of his council, there were a great number whom I +heard designated by the names given to the gods of fable, such as +Jupiter, Saturn, Apollo, Mercury: and to goddesses, such as Juno, +Venus, Diana, Proserpina, and others; <a name="page182"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 182</span>I should think there were at least +fifty persons at table. These gods and goddesses were men +and women, like the others; and in reflecting upon that +circumstance, I thought they were princesses and princes, whom +the people had put in the place of gods. But these ignorant +people deceive themselves; for their gods, instead of being in +heaven, are in hell. The same thing often happens in the +world; a particular person is looked upon as a man of honour, who +is, in fact, worse than one whom they consider the most knavish; +another as a good man, who, in truth, is one of the worst; they +frequently speak of one as happy after death, whose lot, if they +did but know it, is quite the contrary: this is the sentiment of +saint Pere, who said, “they peopled heaven with the +inhabitants of hell.” The dessert served up to this +great demon, was very pleasant to behold: it consisted of +hypocrites, bigots, and apostate monks, all preserved in sugar: +in the middle of it was a country seat in sugar: one could +perceive the chateau, with its fosses, garden, park, wood, +closes, vineyards, fish-ponds, fountains, jets of water, <a +name="page183"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 183</span>mill, +stables, and farms; the whole being executed in the most perfect +symmetry of architecture.</p> +<p>The demon observing my surprise, told me, the devil usually +devoured goods unjustly acquired: “have you not,” +said he, “heard it remarked, that property illy gotten, +failed not <i>to go to the devil</i>? It comes to us; for +be it known to you, that what is lost in the world, falls down +here. You can find in our magazines things of every +description: the entire shops of merchants, stores of grain and +wine, tons of silver, an arsenal filled with arms, cabinets of +jewellery and precious stones, tablets covered with antique +medals, a kind of pantheon, filled with idols of gold, silver, +and bronze, which you have no doubt seen at the houses of +antiquaries: for the fruits of larcenies, spunging, and usury, +always come straight to us.”</p> +<p>After the desert, the Jews and Turks brought coffee, tea, +chocolate, tobacco, aqua vitæ, liquors, and opium. +The lords drank of all, and Jupiter partook so freely of tobacco +and brandy, that he became quite elevated: <a +name="page184"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 184</span>he began to +sing a song in the Greek language, the substance of which was: +“What a charming spectacle for the mighty Lucifer! the dead +dispersed throughout this cavern, are to him delicious +meats. Subtle Love, and you gods of combat, theft, and +drunkenness, contribute to content the taste and desires of our +sovereign. So long as one remains in Tartarus, he must not +hope for any other pleasure; we must not think of objects to be +procured in other places.”—While Jupiter repeated +this song, Juno accompanied him, saying: “So long as one +regains in Tartarus, he must not hope for any other +pleasure. Lovers, you enhance our joy, for death hath +separated you for ever.”—In imitation of Jupiter and +Juno, Mercury and Mars sang thus: “Yes, while one remains +in Tartarus, he cannot hope for other pleasures. The money +which was our love, is lost for ever: we love it still, but +despairing of enjoyment.”—Mars, with a voice of +thunder, sang. “Yes, when one is in Tartarus, he must +not hope for other pleasures. War, which was our delight, +is no more for us, but a vain flourish: here one hears neither +fife nor drum.”</p> +<p><a name="page185"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 185</span>After +this little concert, which amused Lucifer, he made them call the +players upon instruments, who joined the gods and +goddesses. There was then heard the most frightful music: +with the sound of violins and other instruments, which were +played upon by those who had been musicians in the other world, +there mingled a horrid noise of thunder, and raging wind, such as +it produces when it rushes through a straight street, or groans, +amid a wood of firs. This noise was succeeded by another, +like that which is heard at the eruption of Mount Vesuvius or +Etna: my ear was struck with a bellowing, like that of the sea, +when agitated by a furious tempest. All these agents +yielded to a choir of voices, that issued from the lowest depths: +there was heard nothing but complaints, groans, cries, and +howlings, similar to those of dogs, impatient of +confinement. I should have expired with fear, if I had not +been previously warned, that this was the music which would +divert the prince of hell. Jupiter and Mars, in spite of +their intrepidity, found this music so disagreeable, that they +ceased singing, and <a name="page186"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 186</span>signified their uneasiness to +Lucifer. They then removed the table, and the service of +plate; and the audience having been resumed, they began to call +up cases of different states; and after having disposed of those +pertaining to the people of justice, the sword, and the church, +they cited the women of all conditions. The beautiful Helen +then appeared, who complained that at her return from the siege +of Troy, she had been condemned to be hung by Polixo, her +relation, at whose house, in the isle of Rhodes, she had taken +refuge, Nisistratus and Megapontus having driven her from +Greece. She was asked if she had consented to be abducted +by Paris; if she had accorded him the last favours before leaving +Peloponessus; if she had granted the same to the king of Egypt, +when his vessel touched at her country. She answered +ingenuously to these questions, that having been married by +policy and force, to prince Menelaus, she had acquainted him that +she did not love him.</p> +<p>“Did you love,” said Lucifer, “the Trojan +prince before marriage?”</p> +<p><a name="page187"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +187</span>“I had not then seen him; but my heart was never +for Menclaus; it was free when Paris came to Argos, and its first +impression was in favour of this stranger prince. Am I +culpable for all the evils caused by the siege of Troy? +Furthermore, the Greeks ought not to complain of this abduction, +as a breach of hospitality: some years before, they had taken +away a Trojan lady; and in ancient times, had not Jupiter, of +Grecian origin, stolen Europa, a young princess of Asia, from +this part of the world, inhabited by Trojans?”</p> +<p>Menelaus spoke after his wife, whose ingratitude and +infidelity he exaggerated; he accused her of having poisoned him +on the return from Troy. “Why assassinate me, when +she had the liberty to go to her relations? Could I have +done more to express my regret at her loss, after her elopement, +than by building to her memory a temple, consecrated to +Venus?”</p> +<p>“You are a very clever man,” said Jupiter to +Menelaus; “who told you that a husband could make his wife +love him by caresses and services? A woman who does not +love <a name="page188"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 188</span>her +husband, takes all his cares for stratagems, invented by +jealousy: she believes him false and wicked. Accuse only +your patience and weakness; and between ourselves who are dead, +since the living cannot hear it, it is a very good joke, to make +so much noise about the infidelity of a coquette:” and +Jupiter sang a song, the burden of which was, that one was often +very happy to be rid of his wife, as he then could enjoy the +advantages of liberty.</p> +<p>“Am I permitted to be as stoical as you are?” said +Menelaus. “One must have a great force of spirit, to +vanquish a passion like that of love: how cruel, to love without +return! Ah! I now condemn myself: let Helen prosecute her +quarrel with her relation Polixo, to which I am a +stranger.”</p> +<p>“Since this Grecian prince is voluntarily +condemned,” said Lucifer, “I am about to pass +sentence upon the husbands who have complained of their wives; +and upon the wives who have complained of their +husbands.”</p> +<p>The judgment was couched in these words: <a +name="page189"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +189</span>“Since love is natural, and no one can dictate a +woman’s will, and since neither the jealousy nor severity +of a husband are of any avail, to compel a wife to conjugal +fidelity, we order, that all husbands shall suffer the pain of +foolish and indiscreet love, without having from that any +pretence to restrain them; provided, however, that they may +revenge themselves with chance intrigues, and contribute, by +their patience and complaisance, to the ruin of their +rivals. We ordain, also, that women who complain of the +amours of their husbands, shall be condemned to the torments of +jealousy; with an equal permission to those ladies who are not +beloved by their husbands, to receive the cares and attentions of +their neighbours. Finally, we forbid the married of both +sexes, to bring any more actions upon these subjects, and reject +them, in advance, from court. We command our demons, and +principally Asmodeus, the demon of marriage, to bear in hand the +execution of the present ordinance. Given in hell, at the +grand audience hall, to be signified to whom it may +concern.—Signed, <i>Lucifer</i>, king of <a +name="page190"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 190</span>hell: and +countersigned by my lord, the devil <i>Patiras</i>.”</p> +<p>“Signor,” said Cleopatra, “this edict cannot +prejudice my rights against Augustus, emperor of the Romans: his +ambition prompted him to attach to his triumphal car the queen of +the Egyptians: to save myself from this shame, I laid violent +hands upon myself. I demand that Augustus should be +punished as guilty of my death.”</p> +<p>“Am I responsible for your actions?” said +Augustus. “Who informed you that I should put this +indignity upon you? Cæsar had loved you; Pompey also, +as I believe: that Antony did, no one can doubt. The +reputation of those charms by which you had subdued the +conquerors of the world, had made such an impression upon my +heart, that I would not only have made you its governor, but have +re-established you upon the throne of your ancestors; but the +timidity so natural to your sex, pride, and haughtiness, misled +you: the poison you employed to produce death was so subtle, that +I could never discover its nature.”</p> +<p><a name="page191"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +191</span>“All! tyrant,” said Antony to Augustus, +“you were not satisfied with having at the same time caused +my death and the loss of my empire; but you must also effect the +death of my spouse, whom I preferred to the throne.”</p> +<p>“I deny that,” replied Augustus; “you +abandoned the field of battle to follow Cleopatra; yourself +commanded a servant to give the blow of death, to prevent falling +into my hands; it was in conformity to your counsel that +Cleopatra killed herself; great Lucifer, I am innocent of these +things.”</p> +<p>“We ordain,” said Lucifer, “that both +parties should be delivered to their remorse of conscience; if +they are not satisfied with this judgment, let them present +themselves before Astarte, sovereign of women, to whom Venus and +Pallas are associated, where their cases shall be more amply +examined.”</p> +<p>There came next a queen, accompanied by many women and girls, +armed as soldiers: this was said to be the foundress of the +kingdom of the Amazons. To this troop, Zenobia, queen of +Palmyra, Elizabeth, queen of England, <a name="page192"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 192</span>and other princesses who had +governed their states, joined themselves. Amazonide, +daughter of Samornas, (so they called the foundress of this +female monarchy,) complained against Hercules that he had made +some of her subjects captive: against Theseus, who had married +one, when their army was defeated in Greece; against Achilles, +who had put to death the princess Orythia, for having succoured +the Trojans; against Alexander the Great, because, not content +with the favours he had received from the queen Thalestris, he +had put her kingdom under contribution; against the Ephesians, +who, for their ingratitude towards the Amazons, who had founded +their city, were themselves delivered to other masters: and thus +in the same manner against many other princes and people.</p> +<p>“Illustrious women,” said Lucifer, “a sex so +fragile as yours, a monarchy so naturally given to tenderness, +could not resist the force of men, nor get away from an empire so +sweet as that of love. You have wished to act contrary to +your destiny: made to submit, <a name="page193"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 193</span>you have desired to command; but +women cannot reign but by submissions to the laws of love; that +renders men completely amenable to the will of woman. If +men have done you wrong, accuse your own hearts; they have done +the injury of which you complain. A warrior, proud and +gallant, is full of ardour for victory when a fair Amazon is the +price of conquest; and on the other hand an Amazon fears to +vanquish a young soldier whose amiable qualities have now +disarmed her. So we re-commit to yourselves the examination +of those affairs you have brought to our tribunal: do yourselves +the justice I should do, if I examined the matter with more care, +and let all women be convinced, they have no greater enemies than +their own hearts.”</p> +<p>Zenobia then took the stand, and said to Lucifer, that her +heart had never been master of her head: “I lost,” +continued she, “my husband Odenatus, for whom I had the +purest attachment: although he left me young, my subjects were +willing to obey me. During the thirty years of my +government, I can <a name="page194"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +194</span>now say, that I maintained my sway with as much +mildness as wisdom. When the thirty tyrants under Galienus +divided the empire, I took possession of a province in Syria, +that had formerly been separated, and united it to my +kingdom. Aurelian declared war against me, and having taken +me captive, led me in chains behind his triumphal car. In +the endeavour to overcome the fidelity with which I preserved the +memory of my spouse, and which was my sole consolation for the +loss of my crown, he exiled me, under a specious pretext, into +the Tybertine country; but he could not vanquish my +constancy. Spite and rage seized him; he put to death +Herennianus and Timolaus, my two sons, whom I had myself brought +up; I had given them an excellent education, and had taught them +the Egyptian, Greek and Latin languages; it was for their use, +that I had compiled an abridgment of the oriental history, and +that of Alexandria. What was my grief at seeing myself +deprived of two children, who would have perpetuated my name, and +honoured my blood upon the throne of Palmyra! Let no <a +name="page195"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 195</span>one boast +to me of the liberality of this prince towards his subjects: I am +aware that he often distributed among them clothing, corn, wine +and oil: but this virtue was tarnished by his avarice towards +strangers. Could he not be contented with the boundaries of +the Roman empire, which was a world of itself, in which one could +make voyages both by land and sea? And why should I not +accuse him of the murder of my two sons, since he even put to +death the son of his sister? His cruel jealousy might well +extend itself to the children of a queen whom he had +ruined. Justice, god of hell! do not suffer Zenobia to +remain under the tyranny of this haughty emperor; for even here, +he pretends to exercise it over me. Does not death reduce +to an equality monarchs and their subjects, conquerors and their +slaves? A distinguished Roman poet has said, ‘he +knocks, without distinction, at the gates of palaces and +huts.’ Lucifer, hell, remorse, eternity, do me +justice for these grievous tyrannies.”</p> +<p>“Speak Aurelian,” said Lucifer; “what +prerogative do you pretend over this princess?”</p> +<p><a name="page196"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 196</span>The +emperor answered in this manner: “Aurelian, emperor of the +Romans, pontifex maximus, consul, censor, augur, tribune of the +people, supreme head of Germany, Parthia, Persia, Arabia, +Scythia, and Africa, to Lucifer—”</p> +<p>“Lay aside these vain titles,” said Belial, who +sat near Lucifer: “could not the scurviest beggar who had +traversed with his pack, for a living, the various countries of +the globe, assume as many with as much propriety?”</p> +<p>“I must then be but plain Aurelian?”</p> +<p>“Yes, you are nothing else.”</p> +<p>“I will not consent to it; and I had rather be condemned +than not to affix my titles to the head of my defence.”</p> +<p>This emperor having declined answering, Lucifer accorded to +queen Zenobia what she had demanded.</p> +<p>Elizabeth, queen of England, then came forward: she complained +of the count of Essex, who slighted her affections at the time +she was sought by all the princes of Europe. Lucifer +referred her to the tribunal of Astarte, where he had sent the +Amazons.</p> +<p><a name="page197"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 197</span>After +her appeared Dido, queen of Carthage. She testified great +dissatisfaction at Virgil, who had represented her as enamoured +with a man she had never seen.—Referred to the same +tribunal.</p> +<p>Sappho also was in court: she averred that there had never +been any other Sappho than herself, who was born in the Island of +Mitylene: had given her name to the sapphic poetry, and was the +author of poems dedicated to her friend Phaon, one of which had +been translated by Ovid.</p> +<p>The other Sappho declared that she was the true, the only +Sappho who had existed; that she was born at Erise, in the time +of the elder Tarquin, king of Rome; that she had married Cersyla, +of Andros, one of the ancestors of the muse Clio; and that she +had composed poems of different kinds. The claims of Sappho +of Mitylene were then recognized, and the other forbidden to +assume this name, or any work thereunto appertaining, because the +property of a wife belonged to her husband: and according to the +laws of all nations, her acts ought to appear in his name.</p> +<p><a name="page198"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +198</span>Sappho having been confirmed in her rights, accused +Phaon of coldness and ingratitude. “When,” said +she, “I had given him my heart, I was no more mistress of +myself; I wished by my works to immortalize my love and his name: +hard as the rocks of Parnassus, inflexible as the fiercest dog of +Thessaly, impenetrable as the isthmus of Corinth, he disdained my +flame; my verse made no impression upon him; weary of my love, he +sought but to escape from me; insensible to my anguish, when I +threw myself from the precipice of Leucadia, he manifested no +sorrow. O, rage! O, fury of love! avenge my +wrongs.”</p> +<p>Lucifer ordained that Sappho should present her case before +the goddess of females.</p> +<p>Artemisa rehearsed all she had done to eternise the memory of +her spouse: she repeated a hundred times the name of her dear +Mausoleus, and demanded that he should be again restored to her, +since she had died for love of him.</p> +<p>The matron of Ephesus, who stood near her, began to laugh +loudly, at the idea of a <a name="page199"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 199</span>woman’s demanding her lost +husband from hell.</p> +<p>Both of them being adjudged fools, for contrary reasons, were +remanded to their dungeons.</p> +<p>Lucretia, a Roman lady, succeeded them; she demanded justice +against Tarquin, who, by her violation, had been the cause of her +death. Jupiter, who wished to amuse himself, asked her if +she had made any resistance.</p> +<p>“Yes,” said she.</p> +<p>“What hindered you from stabbing Tarquin as he +approached you?”</p> +<p>“He was the stronger party, and would have killed +me.”</p> +<p>“Was he alone?”</p> +<p>“Yes.”</p> +<p>“Was there ever seen a man, who could, unassisted, force +a woman to the gratification of his lust? Why did you not +rather suffer death, than permit him to consummate his +enterprise?”</p> +<p>“You are so importunate, that I must needs avow the +truth: Collatinus, my husband, discovering my intrigues with the +young prince, <a name="page200"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +200</span>poinarded me, and then spread a false report, to +advance the designs of Brutus and himself. This +Jupiter,” murmured she, retiring, very angry, “is an +impertinent—he will not believe that any woman could be +capable of so heroic an action as that attributed to me, and that +they are all coquettes.”</p> +<p>“Let all the women,” said Lucifer, “betake +themselves to the tribunal established for them.” He +then gave orders for the approach of four princes, who craved +audience: the first was Darius, who impleaded Alexander the +Great: the second, Bajazet, who accused Tamerlane of robbery: the +third, Constantine Paleologus, who reproached Mahomet with his +cruelty and ambition; the fourth, Montezuma, king of Mexico, who +complained against Fernandez Cortes, and the usurpation of the +Spaniards. The three first replied, custom, and the laws of +war: as to the last, he was listened to, more from curiosity than +any intention to reinstate him in his possessions.</p> +<p>Montezuma spake very nearly in these words: “I was +formerly the legitimate and peaceful possessor of the Mexican +states, <a name="page201"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +201</span>which my fathers had enjoyed from the universal deluge, +if not before; for there are people called <i>preadamites</i>, +who maintain, that God created men in that part of the world +called <i>America</i>, who did not descend from the first man +born in Asia, and whom they called <i>Adam</i>. The avarice +and temerity of certain merchants, led them across the immense +sea, which separates America from Europe; they represented +themselves as persons, who, having been shipwrecked, had need of +succour: we gave them firs, wood, and silver; we aided them to +the extent of our power. All these gifts, which ought to +have served for the establishment of an honourable commerce and +friendship, only inflamed their cupidity and avarice. We +were their friends; they made us their vassals, after having +combatted us with arms, of which we were ignorant: mounted on +horses of which we were horribly afraid, they put us to flight +with the terrible noise of their cannon; having rallied, we +assembled all our troops; they prevailed by the superiority of +their arms; shutting us up in villages, they <a +name="page202"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 202</span>besieged, +they massacred, they took us captive, and carried all before +them, with fire and sword. Regardless of royal majesty, +which I held of God, they took my life. If it is right to +usurp the goods and estate of another, why do not subjects war +against their sovereigns? Why do not families seek the +downfall of families? Why do not the wicked and strong +dominate, the one over the weak, and the other take away their +goods? Natural right, which bestows every thing that hath +no owner, was it upon the side of the king of Spain, or on mine, +who had received the kingdom of Mexico, as an inheritance from my +fathers? The civil law, which maintains possession, and +which protects legitimate proprietors, was it in favour of the +king of Spain, or in mine? The reason of all ages and +countries accuse the Spaniards. We learn in childhood, that +we must not do to others, what we would not have them to do to +us; Did I carry war into Spain? Why then have they brought +it to me, and that too, in a country where they had experienced +the cares of hospitality, to destroy a prodigious number of <a +name="page203"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 203</span>men? +What horrible ingratitude! what frightful injustice! what +atrocious cruelty! Lucifer, be the avenger of one half the +world: punish the Spaniards.”</p> +<p>Fernandez Cortes excused himself on the score of orders from +the king, his master: he confessed that reason, humanity, and +justice, spake by the mouth of Montezuma; but he observed, that +the conquests of the Spaniards had instructed the Indians in the +knowledge of the true God.</p> +<p>Upon that, Montezuma cried out, that the design of the +Spaniards was not to eradicate idolatry in America, but solely to +enrich Spain, at the expense of that part of the world; that this +was so true, that in Mexico, the christian Spaniards and their +slaves, did not compose more than one hundred thousandth part of +the inhabitants.</p> +<p>“What do you desire,” said Lucifer, “that I +should do to the Spaniards?”</p> +<p>“I do not demand,” said the prince, “to be +reinstated in my dominions; some day, perhaps, one of my +descendants, or some generous Indian, will deliver my country +from <a name="page204"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 204</span>the +Spanish yoke; I wish only that the Indians who were killed in the +conquest of Mexico, should have the liberty to roast upon spits, +and eat their cruel enemies; and in this manner my nation shall +be sufficiently revenged.”</p> +<p>“We accord to Montezuma,” said Lucifer, “the +Spaniards who conquered Mexico, with the exception of the +tailors, whom we reserve for our own table.”</p> +<p>After that came an abbot, who took the title of ten abbeys, +besides priories, and eighteen cures. “Behold,” +said Lucifer, “an abbot, with as many titles as a Roman +emperor: speak, of whom do you complain? had you not a sufficient +income to live honourably in the world, according to your +degree? How have you employed your revenue? Play, +women, good cheer, horses, dogs, equipage, dress, and relations, +have eaten it. You demand, without doubt, justice against +the authors of your ruin: I grant it amply and promptly. +For the mortification of your enemies, I surrender you to the +troop of beggars who throng the avenues of my palace, and who +would not have been damned, if, by alms <a +name="page205"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 205</span>which would +have cost you but little, you had removed from them the necessity +of becoming thieves and robbers: go, learn in hell to spend but +little yourself.”</p> +<p>The minettes, the bigots, and hypocrites, demanded +audience. “These are very pleasant people,” +said Lucifer to Jupiter; “they will divert us.”</p> +<p>“An Italian comic writer,” said one of them, +“has burlesqued us, as if it was wrong to <i>seem</i> +honest men in the public eye. When one has not the +substance of virtue, is it reprehensible to set a good +example? It is true, that if our lives, hidden under this +cloak, had been exposed, our hypocrisy and spurious piety would +have been easily detected; but we injured no person, and if any +one was scandalized by our example, it was for conscience +sake.”</p> +<p>The Italian writer, who happened to be present, and whom I had +not before perceived, cried out, “satyrists of France and +Italy, our cause is common.”</p> +<p>Immediately there appeared a number of comic writers, ranged +under their respective <a name="page206"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 206</span>masters, among whom I saw, with +pleasure, Juvenal, Terence, Plautus, Seneca the tragedian, and +Greek, Latin, and French authors, ancient and modern. The +writer, behind whom they were ranged, decried the manners of his +age, and exposed the wickedness of hypocrites, who, abusing all +that is sacred in religion, to deceive men, dupe the simple, and +gain an unmerited reputation. Who would believe that a man +was wicked enough to wish to deceive, at the same time, both God +and man? This is what hypocrites do, when under the veil of +divine love, and with an air of humility, more haughty than +vanity itself, they conceal sensual affections, hatred of +brethren, and a licentious life, unknown but to those who +participate in it.—A woman wishes to hide from her husband +an amorous intrigue; she is at her devotions in the morning, and +in the evening still goes to a lecture, where she knows she shall +see her friend. Often the church itself is the theatre of a +love scene—the preacher, a fine young man, whose manners +are more fascinating than his discourse. Frequently some +broad-shouldered fellow <a name="page207"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 207</span>sets at nought truth, chastity, +continence, the money of husbands, and so forth. Affairs of +business are conducted on the same principle, as those of +love. “Who would believe that this devout man was a +usurer: that he had possession, almost for nothing, of the +meadow, the vineyard, and the house of a peasant! Oh, this +is a holy man! he is full of conscience; every day constantly at +church, his piety is exemplary. Behold the fate of a +hypocrite: this knavery, is it any thing but a dead loss? for of +what service is it to bigots to live in such uneasy constraint, +if that does not procure them pleasure, property, or the +gratification of their vanity?</p> +<p>“And I,” said a woman, “can I be accused of +hypocrisy? My virtue, my science, my writings, do they not +demonstrate the unfeignedness of my devotion? Should I be +spoken of in any other way than as Saint Therese? Have I +not had, in that character, apparitions, visions, a spirit of +prophecy, and a discernment into the heart and +conscience?”</p> +<p>“Contemplate, sirs,” said the satirist, “the +people of the spirit, if such a thing is not <a +name="page208"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 208</span>above your +comprehension. What is this but to deceive the world by +spiritual artifices? What is this incomprehensible new +grace? What devotee but has possessed it; and what mystick +but has held the same language? Truly, madam, grace is very +much obliged to you, and fanaticism owes you thanks; visionaries +and lunaticks have gained their causes; the ancient heretics and +comforters owe you a statue and a chapel.”</p> +<p>Another woman said, “I have not had visions; but I have +experienced realities: I have seen what I thought I saw; and if I +had any devotion it was for my directors. I had one whom I +looked upon as my guardian angel; I had for him an extreme +friendship; I made him presents and he never failed in any thing +towards me; I saw him every day, and should have preferred +deceiving my father rather than him. Was he sick, I +suffered also; and to solace him, sent meats, confections, +fruits, and even money. I was so chagrined at his absence +that I could not bear my own house; I became unquiet, impatient +and melancholy; every thing vexed me. His superiors having +<a name="page209"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 209</span>ordered +his change, I almost expired with grief; I wrote to him by every +mail; if I received not his letters, I felt new sorrow: a +thousand phantoms presented themselves to my imagination. I +fancied him as bestowing his pains upon another object, and +thought that absence and change of residence had altered his +inclination. He returned: what rapture! I ran to his +house, although in dishabille: on the morrow I was at his feet; +each day of the week I go to recount to him my pleasures and +pains. In the mean time an honest man sought me in +marriage; I consulted my director; he charged me to dismiss this +man, who accordingly received his farewell. Another brave +cavalier offered himself and received the same answer. +Behold me now in my thirty-fifth year; my director exhorted me to +consecrate to God my virginity: I retired to a monastery, but he +was not willing that I should take the veil. At length he +died; I wept, I regretted him; I observed a nine days’ +devotion for his death. When my grief was assuaged, I +reflected upon my age: the time of youth was past; I took the +veil, contracted some amiable <a name="page210"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 210</span>acquaintances, founded funeral +obsequies for the repose of my soul, bequeathed my estate to the +convent, and died. This is my history; this is true +devotion.”</p> +<p>“And I,” said another menette, “had no such +object to fix my imagination; I wore invariably a modest dress, +my veil always drawn over my eyes, and sleeves to my very hands: +I rose early in the morning to go to church, and was constantly +seen at all devotional exercises; for me there was neither +parties, assemblies, nor feasts: I did not attach myself to my +confessor, although often at his grate. In the mean time, I +had some good friends, who went about preaching my virtue far and +wide, and principally to those rich men whom they knew not to be +fond of gallantry, and yet exceedingly fearful of what generally +happens to men of their years after marriage. Your affair +is finished, say they to the marrying men; I have discovered a +girl of superlative virtue, who knows not a single man in the +world, and who is so unsophisticated with respect to love +matters, that she does not even know the name of masculine <a +name="page211"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 211</span>garments; +always engaged in her domestic duties; without luxury, without +vanity, rich withal, and beloved of her father. ‘This +is a girl that will exactly suit me,’ said an opulent +citizen with sixty years and the gout; ‘I shall have a +nurse for the remainder of my life; I will make her fine +presents, and after my death she shall have the enjoyment of my +estate.’ In fine, they consulted me with regard to +this man; I demanded time to determine; something unlucky might +happen to my virtue; I asked light from above; heaven appeared +favourable to this union. See me then espoused; I play the +innocent, the ingenuous: my husband, deceived, felicitates +himself in my simplicity: all this time I secretly received the +attentions of a handsome young man; the more I saw him, the +stronger appeared my conjugal attachment. Behold my +history, and discreet devotion.”</p> +<p>I saw still other menettes of different characters, who +exposed the motives of their hypocrisy, and confessed that they +had no other religion. These are liars, for truly religious +souls shun ostentation: true devotion is so considerate, <a +name="page212"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 212</span>that those +who possess it endeavour to conceal it, to avoid being elevated +in the opinion of the world. Christian humility flies the +eulogies of men: their praise seems a dangerous enemy, which, in +flattering, withdraws the heart from the right way; it refuses +the recompense due to merit, and contents itself with affording +that good example, which the honour of virtue and religion +demand; all which, Jupiter, in a homily to the fanatics, set +forth at large. The following is the decree that was then +read and published before this great audience, in presence of the +demons and the damned.</p> +<h3>DECREE OF LUCIFER.</h3> +<p>“<span class="smcap">Lucifer</span>, to the legions of +demons and damned people of hell, unhappiness, despair, eternal +pains. In order to the due execution of justice and +vengeance entrusted to our hands, <i>we will</i>, <i>ordain</i>, +and <i>command</i>, under the severest penalties:</p> +<p>“First, that our demons be always present at the +tribunals of the world, whether secular or canonical; that they +take care of the account <a name="page213"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 213</span>books of merchants; prevent soldiers +from thinking of death; trouble the imagination of fanatics; +inspire mundane sentiments in those who wish to enter holy +orders, benefices, and monasteries; that they be the confidants +of intrigues; that they repeat every day, to wives and daughters, +what a lovely young man has said to them once only: in fine, let +nothing be done in the world; let nothing be transacted in the +shops, bureaus, academies, places of commerce, etc. at which they +shall not be present; and we charge them to render an account to +ourselves once a year.</p> +<p>“Secondly, we ordain them reporters, flatterers, +go-betweens, authors of discord, divisions and lawsuits, under +pain of disobedience.</p> +<p>“Thirdly, we order, also, in the matter which concerns +those condemned to hell, that the judgments we have pronounced +against them in their causes be put into immediate execution; +that all those who have been condemned, whether individually or +collectively, return to their cells, resume their irons, and +there remain to all eternity, without hope of solace, or change +in their sufferings. Such is <a name="page214"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 214</span>our will, and we make no distinction +in favour of pagan gods and goddesses, whom we regard in the same +light as other subjects of our empire.”</p> +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p>When Lucifer had spoken, his visage entirely changed; his eyes +became sparkling like two flambeaus; his nostrils cast out smoke +mixed with fire; his mouth exhaled an infectious odour; his hands +and feet changed to claws; from behind him issued a long tail, +upon the end of which was a great button of iron; his ears were +horns like those of the rhinoceros: he spoke again, and his voice +sounded like the crash of thunder. This is the substance of +what he uttered: “Let these places return to their former +state; let darkness pervade the whole region; let the prisons +shut with horrid sound upon all this infernal race; let rage and +despair seize upon the damned; let a violent fire devour them; +let the worm of remorse knaw without consuming, and let the +habitude of torment afford no solace. Go, miserable +wretches! obey! precipitate yourselves into these black retreats! +suffer without expiation! and let my ears be sweetly <a +name="page215"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 215</span>flattered +by the sound of your cries and chains!”</p> +<p>When Lucifer had pronounced this terrible sentence my demon +transported me out of the hall, and at the same instant I heard +it and the whole palace sink with a horrid crash. Those +crushed among the ruins uttered the most lamentable cries: I then +perceived an immense volume of smoke; after that I found myself +in the midst of the field which is at the extremity of my garden, +from whence I returned to my house, totally absorbed in the +contemplation of this vision.—If the things here related +did not actually pass in hell as I have supposed, the probability +is, that the fact does not widely differ from the +representation. The judgments of Lucifer are there promptly +executed, without notice to the culprit: cases are decided +without advocates: no person is absolved, for innocence never +enters places destined to eternal punishment. The fire of +hell exposes their perfidious designs, their passions and crimes; +it reveals all secrets, and sets forth the reasons for which the +guilty have been condemned. The sight of suffering +companions <a name="page216"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +216</span>affords no relief; it rather augments their grief; +contrary to which, in the world, egotism and corruption render +them insensible to the sufferings of another. The +<i>reformation</i> made by Lucifer operates invisibly in the +commerce of men; the demons and our passions are the causes of +the disorder and injustice that prevail in society. Oh! if +it was possible for each one really to behold what is here only +imagined, how soon would they abandon their careless manner of +life! But ought we to be more wicked because we have less +fear? Let us think, let us think upon the other world; let +us seriously reflect upon our latter end; if that offers us +happiness and rapture, let us, by perseverance, endeavour to +attain it; but if, on the contrary, we anticipate unhappiness and +anguish, let us spare no pains to escape so direful a doom; let +the aspect of hell contribute to the reformation of our manners, +and be so impressed upon our minds as to be the means of our +salvation from the greatest of all evils.</p> +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center">THE END.</p> +<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VISIONS OF QUEVEDO***</p> +<pre> + + +***** This file should be named 41950-h.htm or 41950-h.zip****** + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/4/1/9/5/41950 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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