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diff --git a/old/jj03b10.txt b/old/jj03b10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9fcccc4 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/jj03b10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1869 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Book 3 +#3 in our series by Jean Jacques Rousseau + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the laws for your country before redistributing these files!!!!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. + +Please do not remove this. + +This should be the first thing seen when anyone opens the book. +Do not change or edit it without written permission. 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D.W.] + + + + + +THE CONFESSIONS OF JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU +(In 12 books) + +Privately Printed for the Members of the Aldus Society + +London, 1903 + + + +BOOK III. + + +Leaving the service of Madam de Vercellis nearly as I had entered it, +I returned to my former hostess, and remained there five or six weeks; +during which time health, youth, and laziness, frequently rendered my +temperament importunate. I was restless, absent, and thoughtful: I wept +and sighed for a happiness I had no idea of, though at the same time +highly sensible of some deficiency. This situation is indescribable, +few men can even form any conception of it, because, in general, they +have prevented that plenitude of life, at once tormenting and delicious. +My thoughts were incessantly occupied with girls and women, but in a +manner peculiar to myself: these ideas kept my senses in a perpetual and +disagreeable activity, though, fortunately, they did not point out the +means of deliverance. I would have given my life to have met with a Miss +Goton, but the time was past in which the play of infancy predominated; +increase of years had introduced shame, the inseparable companion of a +conscious deviation from rectitude, which so confirmed my natural +timidity as to render it invincible; and never, either at that time or +since, could I prevail on myself to offer a proposition favorable to my +wishes (unless in a manner constrained to it by previous advances) even +with those whose scruples I had no cause to dread. + +My stay at Madam de Vercellis's had procured me some acquaintance, which +I thought might be serviceable to me, and therefore wished to retain. +Among others, I sometimes visited a Savoyard abbe, M. Gaime, who was +tutor to the Count of Melarede's children. He was young, and not much +known, but possessed an excellent cultivated understanding, with great +probity, and was, altogether, one of the best men I ever knew. He was +incapable of doing me the service I then stood most in need of, not +having sufficient interest to procure me a situation, but from him I +reaped advantages far more precious, which have been useful to me through +life, lessons of pure morality, and maxims of sound judgment. + +In the successive order of my inclinations and ideas, I had ever been too +high or too low. Achilles or Thersites; sometimes a hero, at others a +villain. M. Gaime took pains to make me properly acquainted with myself, +without sparing or giving me too much discouragement. He spoke in +advantageous terms of my disposition and talents, adding, that he foresaw +obstacles which would prevent my profiting by them; thus, according to +him, they were to serve less as steps by which I should mount to fortune, +than as resources which might enable me to exist without one. He gave me +a true picture of human life, of which, hitherto, I had formed but a very +erroneous idea, teaching me, that a man of understanding, though destined +to experience adverse fortune, might, by skilful management, arrive at +happiness; that there was no true felicity without virtue, which was +practicable in every situation. He greatly diminished my admiration of +grandeur, by proving that those in a superior situation are neither +better nor happier than those they command. One of his maxims has +frequently returned to my memory: it was, that if we could truly read the +hearts of others we should feel more inclination to descend than rise: +this reflection, the truth of which is striking without extravagance, +I have found of great utility, in the various exigences of my life, as it +tended to make me satisfied with my condition. He gave me the first just +conception of relative duties, which my high-flown imagination had ever +pictured in extremes, making me sensible that the enthusiasm of sublime +virtues is of little use in society; that while endeavoring to rise too +high we are in danger of falling; and that a virtuous and uniform +discharge of little duties requires as great a degree of fortitude as +actions which are called heroic, and would at the same time procure more +honor and happiness. That it was infinitely more desirable to possess +the lasting esteem of those about us, than at intervals to attract +admiration. + +In properly arranging the various duties between man and man, it was +necessary to ascend to principles; the step I had recently taken, and of +which my present situation was the consequence, naturally led us to speak +of religion. It will easily be conceived that the honest M. Gaime was, +in a great measure, the original of the Savoyard Vicar; prudence only +obliging him to deliver his sentiments, on certain points, with more +caution and reserve, and explain himself with less freedom; but his +sentiments and councils were the same, not even excepting his advice to +return to my country; all was precisely as I have since given it to the +pubic. Dwelling no longer, therefore, on conversations which everyone +may see the substance of, I shall only add, that these wise instructions +(though they did not produce an immediate effect) were as so many seeds +of virtue and religion in my heart which were never rooted out, and only +required the fostering cares of friendship to bring to maturity. + +Though my conversation was not very sincere, I was affected by his +discourses, and far from being weary, was pleased with them on account of +their clearness and simplicity, but above all because his heart seemed +interested in what he said. My disposition is naturally tender, I have +ever been less attached to people for the good they have really done me +than for that they designed to do, and my feelings in this particular +have seldom misled me: thus I truly esteemed M. Gaime. I was in a manner +his second disciple, which even at that time was of inestimable service +in turning me from a propensity to vice into which my idleness was +leading me. + +One day, when I least expected it, I was sent for by the Count de la +Roque. Having frequently called at his house, without being able to +speak with him, I grew weary, and supposing he had either forgot me or +retained some unfavorable impression of me, returned no more: but I was +mistaken in both these conjectures. He had more than once witnessed the +pleasure I took in fulfilling my duty to his aunt: he had even mentioned +it to her, and afterwards spoke of it, when I no longer thought of it +myself. + +He received me graciously, saying that instead of amusing me with useless +promises, he had sought to place me to advantage; that he had succeeded, +and would put me in a way to better my situation, but the rest must +depend on myself. That the family into which he should introduce me +being both powerful and esteemed, I should need no other patrons; and +though at first on the footing of a servant, I might he assured, that if +my conduct and sentiments were found above that station, I should not +long remain in it. The end of this discourse cruelly disappointed the +brilliant hopes the beginning had inspired. "What! forever a footman?" +said I to myself, with a bitterness which confidence presently effaced, +for I felt myself too superior to that situation to fear long remaining +there. + +He took me to the Count de Gauvon, Master of the Horse to the Queen, and +Chief of the illustrious House of Solar. The air of dignity conspicuous +in this respectable old man, rendered the affability with which he +received me yet more interesting. He questioned me with evident +interest, and I replied with sincerity. He then told the Count de la +Roque, that my features were agreeable, and promised intellect, which he +believed I was not deficient in; but that was not enough, and time must +show the rest; after which, turning to me, he said, "Child, almost all +situations are attended with difficulties in the beginning; yours, +however, shall not have too great a portion of them; be prudent, and +endeavor to please everyone, that will be almost your only employment; +for the rest fear nothing, you shall be taken care of." Immediately +after he went to the Marchioness de Breil, his daughter-in-law, to whom +he presented me, and then to the Abbe de Gauvon, his son. I was elated +with this beginning, as I knew enough of the world already to conclude, +that so much ceremony is not generally used at the reception of a +footman. In fact, I was not treated like one. I dined at the steward's +table; did not wear a livery; and the Count de Favria (a giddy youth) +having commanded me to get behind his coach, his grandfather ordered that +I should get behind no coach, nor follow any one out of the house. +Meantime, I waited at table, and did, within doors, the business of a +footman; but I did it, as it were, of my own free will, without being +appointed to any particular service; and except writing some letters, +which were dictated to me, and cutting out some ornaments for the Count +de Favria, I was almost the absolute master of my time. This trial of my +discretion, which I did not then perceive, was certainly very dangerous, +and not very humane; for in this state of idleness I might have +contracted vices which I should not otherwise have given into. +Fortunately, it did not produce that effect; my memory retained the +lessons of M. Gaime, they had made an impression on my heart, and I +sometimes escaped from the house of my patron to obtain a repetition of +them. I believe those who saw me going out, apparently by stealth, had +no conception of my business. Nothing could be more prudent than the +advice he gave me respecting my conduct. My beginning was admirable; so +much attention, assiduity, and zeal, had charmed everyone. The Abby +Gaime advised me to moderate this first ardor, lest I should relax, and +that relaxation should be considered as neglect. "Your setting out," +said he, "is the rule of what will be expected of you; endeavor gradually +to increase your attentions, but be cautious how you diminish them." + +As they paid but little attention to my trifling talents, and supposed I +possessed no more than nature had given me, there was no appearance +(notwithstanding the promises of Count de Gauvon) of my meeting with any +particular consideration. Some objects of more consequence had +intervened. The Marquis de Breil, son of the Count de Gauvon, was then +ambassador at Vienna; some circumstances had occurred at that court which +for some weeks kept the family in continual agitation, and left them no +time to think of me. Meantime I had relaxed but little in my attentions, +though one object in the family did me both good and harm, making me more +secure from exterior dissipation, but less attentive to my duty. + +Mademoiselle de Breil was about my own age, tolerably handsome, and very +fair complexioned, with black hair, which notwithstanding, gave her +features that air of softness so natural to the flaxen, and which my +heart could never resist. The court dress, so favorable to youth, showed +her fine neck and shape to advantage, and the mourning, which was then +worn, seemed to add to her beauty. It will be said, a domestic should +not take notice of these things; I was certainly to blame, yet I +perceived all this, nor was I the only one; the maitre d' hotel and valet +de chambre spoke of her sometimes at table with a vulgarity that pained +me extremely. My head, however, was not sufficiently turned to allow of +my being entirely in love; I did not forget myself, or my situation. +I loved to see Mademoiselle de Breil; to hear her utter anything that +marked wit, sense, or good humor: my ambition, confined to a desire of +waiting on her, never exceeded its just rights. At table I was ever +attentive to make the most of them; if her footman quitted her chair, +I instantly supplied his place; in default of this, I stood facing her, +seeking in her eyes what she was about to ask for, and watching the +moment to change her plate. What would I not have given to hear her +command, to have her look at, or speak the smallest word to me! but no, +I had the mortification to be beneath her regard; she did not even +perceive I was there. Her brother, who frequently spoke to me while at +table, having one day said something which I did not consider obliging, +I made him so arch and well-turned an answer, that it drew her attention; +she cast her eyes upon me, and this glance was sufficient to fill me with +transport. The next day, a second occasion presented itself, which I +fortunately made use of. A great dinner was given; and I saw, with +astonishment, for the first time, the maitre d' hotel waiting at table, +with a sword by his side, and hat on his head. By chance, the discourse +turned on the motto of the house of Solar, which was, with the arms, +worked in the tapestry: 'Tel fiert qui ne fue pas'. As the Piedmontese +are not in general very perfect in the French language, they found fault +with the orthography, saying, that in the word fiert there should be no +'t'. The old Count de Gauvon was going to reply, when happening to cast +his eyes on me, he perceived I smiled without daring to say anything; +he immediately ordered me to speak my opinion. I then said, I did not +think the 't' superfluous, 'fiert' being an old French word, not derived +from the noun 'ferus', proud, threatening; but from the verb 'ferit', he +strikes, he wounds; the motto, therefore, did not appear to mean, some +threat, but, 'Some strike who do not kill'. The whole company fixed +their eyes on me, then on each other, without speaking a word; never was +a greater degree of astonishment; but what most flattered me, was an air +of satisfaction which I perceived on the countenance of Mademoiselle de +Breil. This scornful lady deigned to cast on me a second look at least +as valuable as the former, and turning to her grandfather, appeared to +wait with impatience for the praise that was due to me, and which he +fully bestowed, with such apparent satisfaction, that it was eagerly +chorused by the whole table. This interval was short, but delightful in +many respects; it was one of those moments so rarely met with, which +place things in their natural order, and revenge depressed merit for the +injuries of fortune. Some minutes after Mademoiselle de Breil again +raised her eyes, desiring me with a voice of timid affability to give her +some drink. It will easily be supposed I did not let her wait, but +advancing towards her, I was seized with such a trembling, that having +filled the glass too full, I spilled some of the water on her plate, +and even on herself. Her brother asked me, giddily, why I trembled thus? +This question increased my confusion, while the face of Mademoiselle de +Breil was suffused with a crimson blush. + +Here ended the romance; where it may be remarked (as with Madam Basile, +and others in the continuation of my life) that I was not fortunate in +the conclusion of my amours. In vain I placed myself in the antechamber +of Madam de Breil, I could not obtain one mark of attention from her +daughter; she went in and out without looking at me, nor had I the +confidence to raise my eyes to her; I was even so foolishly stupid, that +one day, on dropping her glove as she passed, instead of seizing and +covering it with kisses, as I would gladly have done, I did not dare to +quit my place, but suffered it to be taken up by a great booby of a +footman, whom I could willingly have knocked down for his officiousness. +To complete my timidity, I perceived I had not the good fortune to please +Madam de Breil; she not only never ordered, but even rejected, my +services; and having twice found me in her antechamber, asked me, dryly, +"If I had nothing to do?" I was obliged, therefore, to renounce this +dear antechamber; at first it caused me some uneasiness, but other things +intervening, I presently thought no more of it. + +The disdain of Madam de Breil was fully compensated by the kindness of +her father-in-law, who at length began to think of me. The evening after +the entertainment, I have already mentioned, he had a conversation with +me that lasted half an hour, which appeared to satisfy him, and +absolutely enchanted me. This good man had less sense than Madam de +Vercellis, but possessed more feeling; I therefore succeeded much better +with him. He bade me attach myself to his son, the Abbe Gauvon, who had +an esteem for me, which, if I took care to cultivate, might be +serviceable in furnishing me with what was necessary to complete their +views for my future establishment. The next morning I flew to M. the +Abbe, who did not receive me as a servant, but made me sit by his +fireside, and questioned me with great affability. He soon found that my +education, which had attempted many things, had completed none; but +observing that I understood something of Latin, he undertook to teach me +more, and appointed me to attend him every morning. Thus, by one of the +whimsicalities which have marked the whole course of my life, at once +above and below my natural situation, I was pupil and footman in the same +house: and though in servitude, had a preceptor whose birth entitled him +to supply that place only to the children of kings. + +The Abbe de Gauvon was a younger son, and designed by his family for a +bishopric, for which reason his studies had been pursued, further than is +usual with people of quality. He had been sent to the university of +Sienna, where he had resided some years, and from whence he had brought a +good portion of cruscantism, designing to be that at Turin which the Abbe +de Dangeau was formerly at Paris. Being disgusted with theology, he gave +in to the belle-lettres, which is very frequent in Italy, with those who +have entered the career of prelacy. He had studied the poets, and wrote +tolerable Latin and Italian verses; in a word, his taste was calculated +to form mine, and give some order to that chaos of insignificant trash +with which my brain was encumbered; but whether my prating had misled +him, or that he could not support the trouble of teaching the elementary +parts of Latin, he put me at first too high; and I had scarcely +translated a few fables of Phoedrus before he put me into Virgil, where I +could hardly understand anything. It will be seen hereafter that I was +destined frequently to learn Latin, but never to attain it. I labored +with assiduity, and the abbe bestowed his attention with a degree of +kindness, the remembrance of which, even at this time, both interests and +softens me. I passed the greater part of the morning with him as much +for my own instruction as his service; not that he ever permitted me to +perform any menial office, but to copy, or write from his dictating; and +my employment of secretary was more useful than that of scholar, and by +this means I not only learned the Italian in its utmost purity, but also +acquired a taste for literature, and some discernment of composition, +which could not have been at La Tribu's, and which was useful to me when +I afterwards wrote alone. + +At this period of my life, without being romantic, I might reasonably +have indulged the hope of preferment. The abbe, thoroughly pleased with +me, expressed his satisfaction to everyone, while his father had such a +singular affection for me, that I was assured by the Count de Favria, +that he had spoken of me to the king; even Madam de Breil had laid aside +her disdainful looks; in short I was a general favorite, which gave great +jealousy to the other servants, who seeing me honored by the instructions +of their master's son, were persuaded I should not remain their equal. + +As far as I could judge by some words dropped at random, and which I +reflected on afterwards, it appeared to me, that the House of Solar, +wishing to run the career of embassies, and hoping perhaps in time to +arrive at the ministry, wished to provide themselves with a person of +merit and talents, who depending entirely on them, might obtain their +confidence, and be of essential service. This project of the Count de +Gauvon was judicious, magnanimous, and truly worthy of a powerful +nobleman, equally provident and generous; but besides my not seeing, at +that time, its full extent, it was far too rational for my brain, and +required too much confinement. + +My ridiculous ambition sought for fortune in the midst of brilliant +adventures, and not finding one woman in all this scheme, it appeared +tedious, painful and melancholy; though I should rather have thought it +more honorable on this account, as the species of merit generally +patronized by women is certainly less worthy that I was supposed to +possess. + +Everything succeeded to my wish: I had obtained, almost forced, the +esteem of all; the trial was over, and I was universally considered as a +young man with flattering prospects, who was not at present in his proper +sphere, but was expected soon to reach it; but my place was not assigned +me by man, and I was to reach it by very difficult paths. I now come to +one of those characteristic traits, which are so natural to me, and +which, indeed, the reader might have observed without this reflection. + +There were at Turin several new converts of my own stamp, whom I neither +liked nor wish to see; but I had met with some Genevese who were not of +this description, and among others a M. Mussard, nicknamed Wryneck, a +miniature painter, and a distant relation. This M. Mussard, having +learned my situation at the Count de Gauvon's, came to see me, with +another Genevese, named Bacle, who had been my comrade during my +apprenticeship. This Bacle was a very sprightly, amusing young fellow, +full of lively sallies, which at his time of life appeared extremely +agreeable. At once, then, behold me delighted with M. Bacle; charmed to +such a degree that I found it impossible to quit him. He was shortly to +depart for Geneva; what a loss had I to sustain! I felt the whole force +of it, and resolving to make the best use of this precious interval, I +determined not to leave him, or, rather, he never quitted me, for my head +was not yet sufficiently turned to think of quitting the house without +leave, but it was soon perceived that he engrossed my whole time, and he +was accordingly forbid the house. This so incensed me, that forgetting +everything but my friend Bacle, I went neither to the abbe nor the count, +and was no longer to be found at home. I paid no attention to repeated +reprimands, and at length was threatened with dismissal. This threat was +my ruin, as it suggested the idea that it was not absolutely necessary +that Bacle should depart alone. From that moment I could think of no +other pleasure, no other situation or happiness than taking this journey. +To render the felicity still more complete, at the end of it (though at +an immense distance) I pictured to myself Madam de Warrens; for as to +returning to Geneva, it never entered into my imagination. The hills, +fields, brooks and villages, incessantly succeeded each other with new +charms, and this delightful jaunt seemed worthy to absorb my whole +existence. Memory recalled, with inexpressible pleasure, how charming +the country had appeared in coming to Turin; what then must it be, when, +to the pleasure of independence, should be added the company of a good- +humored comrade of my own age and disposition, without any constraint or +obligation, but free to go or stay as we pleased? Would it not be +madness to sacrifice the prospect of so much felicity to projects of +ambition, slow and difficult in their execution, and uncertain in their +event? But even supposing them realized, and in their utmost splendor, +they were not worth one quarter of an hour of the sweet pleasure and +liberty of youth. + +Full of these wise conclusions, I conducted myself so improperly, that +(not indeed without some trouble) I got myself dismissed; for on my +return one night the maitre de hotel gave me warning on the part of the +count. This was exactly what I wanted; for feeling, spite of myself, +the extravagance of my conduct, I wished to excuse it by the addition of +injustice and ingratitude, by throwing the blame on others, and +sheltering myself under the idea of necessity. + +I was told the Count de Favria wished to speak with me the next morning +before my departure; but, being sensible that my head was so far turned +as to render it possible for me to disobey the injunction, the maitre de +hotel declined paying the money designed me, and which certainly I had +very ill earned, till after this visit; for my kind patrons being +unwilling to place me in the situation of a footman, I had not any fixed +wages. + +The Count de Favria, though young and giddy, talked to me on this +occasion in the most sensible and serious manner: I might add, if it +would not be thought vain, with the utmost tenderness. He reminded me, +in the most flattering terms, of the cares of his uncle, and intentions +of his grandfather; after having drawn in lively colors what I was +sacrificing to ruin, he offered to make my peace, without stipulating any +conditions, but that I should no more see the worthless fellow who had +seduced me. + +It was so apparent that he did not say all this of himself, that +notwithstanding my blind stupidity, I powerfully felt the kindness of my +good old master, but the dear journey was too firmly printed on my +imagination for any consideration to balance the charm. Bereft of +understanding, firm to my purpose, I hardened myself against conviction, +and arrogantly answered, that as they had thought fit to give me warning, +I had resolved to take it, and conceived it was now too late to retract, +since, whatever might happen to me, I was fully resolved not to be driven +a second time from the same house. The count, justly irritated, bestowed +on me some names which I deserved, and putting me out of his apartment by +the shoulders, shut the door on me. I departed triumphant, as if I had +gained the greatest victory, and fearful of sustaining a second combat +even had the ingratitude to leave the house without thanking the abbe for +his kindness. + +To form a just conception of my delirium at that moment, the excess to +which my heart is subject to be heated by the most trifling incidents, +and the ardor with which my imagination seizes on the most attractive +objects should be conceived. At these times, plans the most ridiculous, +childish, and void of sense, flatter my favorite idea, and persuade me +that it is reasonable to sacrifice everything to the possession of it. +Would it be believed, that when near nineteen, any one could be so stupid +as to build his hopes of future subsistence on an empty phial? For +example: + +The Abbe de Gauvon had made me a present, some weeks before, of a very +pretty heron fountain, with which I was highly delighted. Playing with +this toy, and speaking of our departure, the sage Bacle and myself +thought it might be of infinite advantage, and enable us to lengthen our +journey. What in the world was so curious as a heron fountain? This +idea was the foundation on which we built our future fortune: we were to +assemble the country people in every village we might pass through, and +delight them with the sight of it, when feasting and good cheer would be +sure to pour on us abundantly; for we were both firmly persuaded, that +provisions could cost nothing to those who grew and gathered them, and if +they did not stuff travellers, it was downright ill-nature. + +We pictured in all parts entertainments and weddings, reckoning that +without any expense but wind from our lungs, and the water of our +fountain, we should be maintained through Piedmont, Savoy, France, and +indeed, all the world over. There was no end to our projected travels, +and we immediately directed our course northward, rather for the pleasure +of crossing the Alps, than from a supposed necessity of being obliged to +stop at any place. + +Such was the plan on which I set out, abandoning without regret, my +preceptors, studies, and hopes, with the almost certain attainment of a +fortune, to lead the life of a real vagabond. Farewell to the capital; +adieu to the court, ambition, love, the fair, and all the great +adventures into which hope had led me during the preceding year! I +departed with my fountain and my friend Bacle, a purse lightly furnished, +but a heart over-flowing with pleasure, and only thinking how to enjoy +the extensive felicity which I supposed my project encircled. + +This extravagant journey was performed almost as agreeably as I had +expected, though not exactly on the same plan; not but our fountain +highly amused the hostess and servants for some minutes at all the ale- +houses where we halted, yet we found it equally necessary to pay on our +departure; but that gave us no concern, as we never thought of depending +on it entirely until our money should be expended. An accident spared us +that trouble, our fountain was broken near Bramant, and in good time, for +we both felt (though without daring to own it to each other) that we +began to be weary of it. This misfortune rendered us gayer than ever; we +laughed heartily at our giddiness in having forgotten that our clothes +and shoes would wear out, or trusting to renew them by the play of our +fountain. We continued our journey as merrily as we had begun it, only +drawing faster towards that termination where our drained purses made it +necessary for us to arrive. + +At Chambery I became pensive; not for the folly I had committed, for +never did any one think less of the past, but on account of the reception +I should meet with from Madam de Warrens; for I looked on her house as my +paternal home. I had written her an account of my reception at the Count +de Gauvon's; she knew my expectancies, and, in congratulating me on my +good fortune, had added some wise lessons on the return I ought to make +for the kindness with which they treated me. She looked on my fortune as +already made, if not destroyed by my own negligence; what then would she +say on my arrival? for it never entered my mind that she might shut the +door against me, but I dreaded the uneasiness I might give her; I dreaded +her reproaches, to me more wounding than want; I resolved to bear all in +silence, and, if possible to appease her. I now saw nothing but Madam de +Warrens in the whole universe, and to live in disgrace with her was +impossible. + +I was most concerned about my companion, whom I did not wish to offend, +and feared I should not easily get rid of. I prefaced this separation by +an affected coldness during the last day's journey. The drole understood +me perfectly; in fact, he was rather giddy than deficient in point of +sense--I expected he would have been hurt at my inconstancy, but I was +quite mistaken; nothing affected my friend Bacle, for hardly had we set +foot in town, on our arrival in Annecy, before he said, "You are now at +home,"--embraced--bade me adieu--turned on his heel, and disappeared; nor +have I ever heard of him since. + +How did my heart beat as I approached the habitation of Madam de Warrens! +my legs trembled under me, my eyes were clouded with a mist, I neither +saw, heard, nor recollected any one, and was obliged frequently to stop +that I might draw breath, and recall my bewildered senses. Was it fear +of not obtaining that succor I stood in need of, which agitated me to +this degree? At the age I then was, does the fear of perishing with +hunger give such alarms? No: I declare with as much truth as pride, that +it was not in the power of interest or indigence, at any period of my +life, to expand or contract my heart. In the course of a painful life, +memorable for its vicissitudes, frequently destitute of an asylum, and +without bread, I have contemplated, with equal indifference, both +opulence and misery. In want I might have begged or stolen, as others +have done, but never could feel distress at being reduced to such +necessities. Few men have grieved more than myself, few have shed so +many tears; yet never did poverty, or the fear of falling into it, make +me heave a sigh or moisten my eyelids. My soul, in despite of fortune, +has only been sensible of real good and evil, which did not depend on +her; and frequently, when in possession of everything that could make +life pleasing, I have been the most miserable of mortals. + +The first glance of Madam de Warrens banished all my fears--my heart +leaped at the sound of her voice; I threw myself at her feet, and in +transports of the most lively joy, pressed my lips upon her hand. +I am ignorant whether she had received any recent information of me. +I discovered but little surprise on her countenance, and no sorrow. +"Poor child!" said she, in an affectionate tone, "art thou here again? +I knew you were too young for this journey; I am very glad, however, that +it did not turn out so bad as I apprehended." She then made me recount +my history; it was not long, and I did it faithfully: suppressing only +some trifling circumstances, but on the whole neither sparing nor +excusing myself. + +The question was, where I could lodge: she consulted her maid on this +point--I hardly dared to breathe during the deliberation; but when I +heard I was to sleep in the house, I could scarce contain my joy; and saw +the little bundle I brought with me carried into my destined apartment +with much the same sensations as St. Preux saw his chaise put up at Madam +de Wolmar's. To complete all, I had the satisfaction to find that this +favor was not to be transitory; for at a moment when they thought me +attentive to something else, I heard Madam de Warrens say, "They may talk +as they please, but since Providence has sent him back, I am determined +not to abandon him." + +Behold me, then, established at her house; not, however, that I date the +happiest days of my life from this period, but this served to prepare me +for them. Though that sensibility of heart, which enables us truly to +enjoy our being, is the work of Nature, and perhaps a mere effect of +organization, yet it requires situations to unfold itself, and without a +certain concurrence of favorable circumstances, a man born with the most +acute sensibility may go out of the world without ever having been +acquainted with his own temperament. This was my case till that time, +and such perhaps it might have remained had I never known Madam de +Warrens, or even having known her, had I not remained with her long +enough to contract that pleasing habit of affectionate sentiments with +which she inspired me. I dare affirm, that those who only love, do not +feel the most charming sensations we are capable of: I am acquainted with +another sentiment, less impetuous, but a thousand times more delightful; +sometimes joined with love, but frequently separated from it. This +feeling is not simply friendship; it is more enchanting, more tender; nor +do I imagine it can exist between persons of the same sex; at least I +have been truly a friend, if ever a man was, and yet never experienced it +in that kind. This distinction is not sufficiently clear, but will +become so hereafter: sentiments are only distinguishable by their +effects. + +Madam de Warrens inhabited an old house, but large enough to have a +handsome spare apartment, which she made her drawing-room. I now +occupied this chamber, which was in the passage I have before mentioned +as the place of our first meeting. Beyond the brook and gardens was a +prospect of the country, which was by no means uninteresting to the young +inhabitant, being the first time, since my residence at Bossey, that I +had seen anything before my windows but walls, roofs, or the dirty +street. How pleasing then was this novelty! it helped to increase the +tenderness of my disposition, for I looked on this charming landscape as +the gift of my dear patroness, who I could almost fancy had placed it +there on purpose for me. Peaceably seated, my eyes pursued her amidst +the flowers and the verdure; her charms seemed to me confounded with +those of the spring; my heart, till now contracted, here found means to +expand itself, and my sighs exhaled freely in this charming retreat. + +The magnificence I had been accustomed to at Turin was not to be found at +Madam de Warrens, but in lieu of it there was neatness, regularity, and a +patriarchal abundance, which is seldom attached to pompous ostentation. +She had very little plate, no china, no game in her kitchen, or foreign +wines in her cellar, but both were well furnished, and at every one's +service; and her coffee, though served in earthenware cups, was +excellent. Whoever came to her house was invited to dine there, and +never did laborer, messenger, or traveller, depart without refreshment. +Her family consisted of a pretty chambermaid from Fribourg, named +Merceret; a valet from her own country called Claude Anet (of whom I +shall speak hereafter), a cook, and two hired chairmen when she visited, +which seldom happened. This was a great deal to be done out of two +thousand livres a year; yet, with good management, it might have been +sufficient in a country where land is extremely good, and money very +scarce. Unfortunately, economy was never her favorite virtue; she +contracted debts--paid them--thus her money passed from hand to hand like +a weaver's shuttle, and quickly disappeared. + +The arrangement of her housekeeping was exactly what I should have +chosen, and I shared it with satisfaction. I was least pleased with the +necessity of remaining too long at table. Madam de Warrens was so much +incommoded with the first smell of soup or meat, as almost to occasion +fainting; from this she slowly recovered, talking meantime, and never +attempting to eat for the first half hour. I could have dined thrice in +the time, and had ever finished my meal long before she began; I then ate +again for company; and though by this means I usually dined twice, felt +no inconvenience from it. In short, I was perfectly at my ease, and the +happier as my situation required no care. Not being at this time +instructed in the state of her finances, I supposed her means were +adequate to her expense; and though I afterwards found the same +abundance, yet when instructed in her real situation, finding her pension +ever anticipated, prevented me from enjoying the same tranquility. +Foresight with me has always embittered enjoyment; in vain I saw the +approach of misfortunes, I was never the more likely to avoid them. + +From the first moment of our meeting, the softest familiarity was +established between us: and in the same degree it continued during the +rest of her life. Child was my name, Mamma was hers, and child and mamma +we have ever continued, even after a number of years had almost effaced +the apparent difference of age between us. I think those names convey an +exact idea of our behavior, the simplicity of our manners, and above all, +the similarity of our dispositions. To me she was the tenderest of +mothers, ever preferring my welfare to her own pleasure; and if my own +satisfaction found some interest in my attachment to her, it was not to +change its nature, but only to render it more exquisite, and infatuate me +with the charm of having a mother young and handsome, whom I was +delighted to caress: I say literally, to caress, for never did it enter +into her imagination to deny me the tenderest maternal kisses and +endearments, or into my heart to abuse them. It will be said, at length +our connection was of a different kind: I confess it; but have patience, +that will come in its turn. + +The sudden sight of her, on our first interview, was the only truly +passionate moment she ever inspired me with; and even that was +principally the work of surprise. With her I had neither transports nor +desires, but remained in a ravishing calm, sensible of a happiness I +could not define, and thus could I have passed my whole life, or even +eternity, without feeling an instant of uneasiness. + +She was the only person with whom I never experienced that want of +conversation, which to me is so painful to endure. Our tete-a-tetes were +rather an inexhaustible chat than conversation, which could only conclude +from interruption. So far from finding discourse difficult, I rather +thought it a hardship to be silent; unless, when contemplating her +projects, she sunk into a reverie; when I silently let her meditate, and +gazing on her, was the happiest of men. I had another singular fancy, +which was that without pretending to the favor of a tete-a-tete, I was +perpetually seeking occasion to form them, enjoying such opportunities +with rapture; and when importunate visitors broke in upon us, no matter +whether it was man or woman, I went out murmuring, not being able to +remain a secondary object in her company; then, counting the minutes in +her antechamber, I used to curse these eternal visitors, thinking it +inconceivable how they could find so much to say, because I had still +more. + +If ever I felt the full force of my attachment, it was when I did not see +her. When in her presence, I was only content; when absent, my +uneasiness reached almost to melancholy, and a wish to live with her gave +me emotions of tenderness even to tears. Never shall I forget one great +holiday, while she was at vespers, when I took a walk out of the city, +my heart full of her image, and the ardent wish to pass my life with her. +I could easily enough see that at present this was impossible; that the +happiness I enjoyed would be of short duration, and this idea gave to my +contemplations a tincture of melancholy, which, however, was not gloomy, +but tempered with a flattering hope. The ringing of bells, which ever +particularly affects me, the singing of birds, the fineness of the day, +the beauty of the landscape, the scattered country houses, among which in +idea I placed our future dwelling, altogether struck me with an +impression so lively, tender, melancholy, and powerful, that I saw myself +in ecstasy transported into that happy time and abode, where my heart, +possessing all the felicity it could desire, might taste it with raptures +inexpressible. + +I never recollect to have enjoyed the future with such force of illusions +as at that time; and what has particularly struck me in the recollection +of this reverie, is that when realized, I found my situation exactly as I +had imagined it. If ever waking dream had an appearance of a prophetic +vision, it was assuredly this; I was only deceived in its imaginary +duration, for days, years, and life itself, passed ideally in perfect +tranquility, while the reality lasted but a moment. Alas! my most +durable happiness was but as a dream, which I had no sooner had a glimpse +of, than I instantly awoke. + +I know not when I should have done, if I was to enter into a detail of +all the follies that affection for my dear Madam de Warrens made me +commit. When absent from her, how often have I kissed the bed on a +supposition that she had slept there; the curtains and all the furniture +of my chamber, on recollecting they were hers, and that her charming +hands had touched them; nay, the floor itself, when I considered she had +walked there. Sometimes even in her presence, extravagancies escaped me, +which only the most violent passions seemed capable of inspiring; in a +word, there was but one essential difference to distinguish me from an +absolute lover, and that particular renders my situation almost +inconceivable. + +I had returned from Italy, not absolutely as I went there, but as no one +of my age, perhaps, ever did before, being equally unacquainted with +women. My ardent constitution had found resources in those means by +which youth of my disposition sometimes preserve their purity at the +expense of health, vigor, and frequently of life itself. My local +situation should likewise be considered--living with a pretty woman, +cherishing her image in the bottom of my heart, seeing her during the +whole day, at night surrounded with objects that recalled her incessantly +to my remembrance, and sleeping in the bed where I knew she had slept. +What a situation! Who can read this without supposing me on the brink of +the grave? But quite the contrary; that which might have ruined me, +acted as a preservative, at least for a time. Intoxicated with the charm +of living with her, with the ardent desire of passing my life there, +absent or present I saw in her a tender mother, an amiable sister, a +respected friend, but nothing more; meantime, her image filled my heart, +and left room far no other object. The extreme tenderness with which she +inspired me excluded every other woman from my consideration, and +preserved me from the whole sex: in a word, I was virtuous, because I +loved her. Let these particulars, which I recount but indifferently, be +considered, and then let any one judge what kind of attachment I had for +her: for my part, all I can say, is, that if it hitherto appears +extraordinary, it will appear much more so in the sequel. + +My time passed in the most agreeable manner, though occupied in a way +which was by no means calculated to please me; such as having projects to +digest, bills to write fair, receipts to transcribe, herbs to pick, drugs +to pound, or distillations to attend; and in the midst of all this, came +crowds of travellers, beggars, and visitors of all denominations. Some +times it was necessary to converse at the same time with a soldier, an +apothecary, a prebendary, a fine lady, and a lay brother. I grumbled, +swore, and wished all this troublesome medley at the devil, while she +seemed to enjoy it, laughing at my chagrin till the tears ran down her +cheeks. What excited her mirth still more, was to see that my anger was +increased by not being able myself to refrain from laughter. These +little intervals, in which I enjoyed the pleasure of grumbling, were +charming; and if, during the dispute, another importunate visitor +arrived, she would add to her amusement by maliciously prolonging the +visit, meantime casting glances at me for which I could almost have beat +her; nor could she without difficulty refrain from laughter on seeing my +constrained politeness, though every moment glancing at her the look of +a fury, while, even in spite of myself, I thought the scene truly +diverting. + +All this, without being pleasing in itself, contributed to amuse, because +it made up a part of a life which I thought delightful. Nothing that was +performed around me, nothing that I was obliged to do, suited my taste, +but everything suited my heart; and I believe, at length, I should have +liked the study of medicine, had not my natural distaste to it +perpetually engaged us in whimsical scenes, that prevented my thinking of +it in a serious light. It was, perhaps, the first time that this art +produced mirth. I pretended to distinguish a physical book by its smell, +and what was more diverting, was seldom mistaken. Madam de Warrens made +me taste the most nauseous drugs; in vain I ran, or endeavored to defend +myself; spite of resistance or wry faces, spite of my struggles, or even +of my teeth, when I saw her charming fingers approach my lips, I was +obliged to give up the contest. + +When shut up in an apartment with all her medical apparatus, any one who +had heard us running and shouting amidst peals of laughter would rather +have imagined we had been acting a farce than preparing opiates or +elixirs. + +My time, however, was not entirely passed in these fooleries; in the +apartment which I occupied I found a few books: there was the Spectator, +Puffendorf, St. Everemond, and the Henriade. Though I had not my old +passion for books, yet I amused myself with reading a part of them. The +Spectator was particularly pleasing and serviceable to me. The Abbe de +Gauvon had taught me to read less eagerly, and with a greater degree of +attention, which rendered my studies more serviceable. I accustomed +myself to reflect on elocution and the elegance of composition; +exercising myself in discerning pure French from my provincial idiom. +For example, I corrected an orthographical fault (which I had in common +with all Genevese) by these two lines of the Henriade: + + Soit qu' un ancient respect pour le sang de leurs maitres, + Parlat encore pour lui dans le coeur de ces traitres + +I was struck with the word 'parlat', and found a 't' was necessary to +form the third person of the subjunctive, whereas I had always written +and pronounced it parla, as in the present of the indicative. + +Sometimes my studies were the subject of conversation with Madam de +Warrens; sometimes I read to her, in which I found great satisfaction; +and as I endeavored to read well, it was extremely serviceable to me. +I have already observed that her mind was cultivated; her understanding +was at this time in its meridian. Several people of learning having been +assiduous to ingratiate themselves, had taught her to distinguish works +of merit; but her taste (if I may so express myself) was rather +Protestant; ever speaking warmly of Bayle, and highly esteeming St. +Evremond, though long since almost forgotten in France: but this did not +prevent her having a taste for literature, or expressing her thoughts +with elegance. She had been brought up with polite company, and coming +young to Savoy, by associating with people of the best fashion, had lost +the affected manners of her own country, where the ladies mistake wit for +sense, and only speak in epigram. + +Though she had seen the court but superficially, that glance was +sufficient to give her a competent idea of it; and notwithstanding secret +jealousies and the murmurs excited by her conduct and running in debt, +she ever preserved friends there, and never lost her pension. She knew +the world, and was useful. This was her favorite theme in our +conversations, and was directly opposite to my chimerical ideas, though +the kind of instruction I particularly had occasion for. We read Bruyere +together; he pleased her more than Rochefoucault, who is a dull, +melancholy author, particularly to youth, who are not fond of +contemplating man as he really is. In moralizing she sometimes +bewildered herself by the length of her discourse; but by kissing her +lips or hand from time to time I was easily consoled, and never found +them wearisome. + +This life was too delightful to be lasting; I felt this, and the +uneasiness that thought gave me was the only thing that disturbed my +enjoyment. Even in playfulness she studied my disposition, observed and +interrogated me, forming projects for my future fortune, which I could +readily have dispensed with. Happily it was not sufficient to know my +disposition, inclinations and talents; it was likewise necessary to find +a situation in which they would be useful, and this was not the work of a +day. Even the prejudices this good woman had conceived in favor of my +merit put off the time of calling it into action, by rendering her more +difficult in the choice of means; thus (thanks to the good opinion she +entertained of me), everything answered to my wish; but a change soon +happened which put a period to my tranquility. + +A relation of Madam de Warrens, named M. d'Aubonne, came to see her; a +man of great understanding and intrigue, being, like her, fond of +projects, though careful not to ruin himself by them. He had offered +Cardinal Fleury a very compact plan for a lottery, which, however, had +not been approved of, and he was now going to propose it to the court of +Turin, where it was accepted and put into execution. He remained some +time at Annecy, where he fell in love with the Intendant's lady, who was +very amiable, much to my taste and the only person I saw with pleasure at +the house of Madam de Warrens. M. d'Aubonne saw me, I was strongly +recommended by his relation; he promised, therefore, to question and see +what I was fit for, and, if he found me capable to seek me a situation. +Madam de Warrens sent me to him two or three mornings, under pretense of +messages, without acquainting me with her real intention. He spoke to me +gayly, on various subjects, without any appearance of observation; his +familiarity presently set me talking, which by his cheerful and jesting +manner he encouraged without restraint--I was absolutely charmed with +him. The result of his observations was, that notwithstanding the +animation of my countenance, and promising exterior, if not absolutely +silly, I was a lad of very little sense, and without ideas of learning; +in fine, very ignorant in all respects, and if I could arrive at being +curate of some village, it was the utmost honor I ought ever to aspire +to. Such was the account he gave of me to Madam de Warrens. This was +not the first time such an opinion had been formed of me, neither was it +the last; the judgment of M. Masseron having been repeatedly confirmed. + +The cause of these opinions is too much connected with my character not +to need a particular explanation; for it will not be supposed that I can +in conscience subscribe to them; and with all possible impartiality, +whatever M. Masseron, M. d'Aubonne and many others may have said, I +cannot help thinking them mistaken. + +Two things very opposite, unite in me, and in a manner which I cannot +myself conceive. My disposition is extremely ardent, my passions lively +and impetuous, yet my ideas are produced slowly, with great embarrassment +and after much afterthought. It might be said my heart and understanding +do not belong to the same individual. A sentiment takes possession of my +soul with the rapidity of lightning, but instead of illuminating, it +dazzles and confounds me; I feel all, but see nothing; I am warm, but +stupid; to think I must be cool. What is astonishing, my conception is +clear and penetrating, if not hurried: I can make excellent impromptus at +leisure, but on the instant, could never say or do anything worth notice. +I could hold a tolerable conversation by the post, as they say the +Spaniards play at chess, and when I read that anecdote of a duke of +Savoy, who turned himself round, while on a journey, to cry out 'a votre +gorge, marchand de Paris!' I said, "Here is a trait of my character!" + +This slowness of thought, joined to vivacity of feeling, I am not only +sensible of in conversation, but even alone. When I write, my ideas are +arranged with the utmost difficulty. They glance on my imagination and +ferment till they discompose, heat, and bring on a palpitation; during +this state of agitation, I see nothing properly, cannot write a single +word, and must wait till it is over. Insensibly the agitation subsides, +the chaos acquires form, and each circumstance takes its proper place. +Have you never seen an opera in Italy? where during the change of scene +everything is in confusion, the decorations are intermingled, and any one +would suppose that all would be overthrown; yet by little and little, +everything is arranged, nothing appears wanting, and we feel surprised to +see the tumult succeeded by the most delightful spectacle. This is a +resemblance of what passes in my brain when I attempt to write; had I +always waited till that confusion was past, and then pointed, in their +natural beauties, the objects that had presented themselves, few authors +would have surpassed me. + +Thence arises the extreme difficulty I find in writing; my manuscripts, +blotted, scratched, and scarcely legible, attest the trouble they cost +me; nor is there one of them but I have been obliged to transcribe four +or five times before it went to press. Never could I do anything when +placed at a table, pen in hand; it must be walking among the rocks, or in +the woods; it is at night in my bed, during my wakeful hours, that I +compose; it may be judged how slowly, particularly for a man who has not +the advantage of verbal memory, and never in his life could retain by +heart six verses. Some of my periods I have turned and returned in my +head five or six nights before they were fit to be put to paper: thus it +is that I succeed better in works that require laborious attention, than +those that appear more trivial, such as letters, in which I could never +succeed, and being obliged to write one is to me a serious punishment; +nor can I express my thoughts on the most trivial subjects without it +costing me hours of fatigue. If I write immediately what strikes me, my +letter is a long, confused, unconnected string of expressions, which, +when read, can hardly be understood. + +It is not only painful to me to give language to my ideas but even to +receive them. I have studied mankind, and think myself a tolerable +observer, yet I know nothing from what I see, but all from what I +remember, nor have I understanding except in my recollections. From all +that is said, from all that passes in my presence, I feel nothing, +conceive nothing, the exterior sign being all that strikes me; afterwards +it returns to my remembrance; I recollect the place, the time, the +manner, the look, and gesture, not a circumstance escapes me; it is then, +from what has been done or said, that I imagine what has been thought, +and I have rarely found myself mistaken. + +So little master of my understanding when alone, let any one judge what I +must be in conversation, where to speak with any degree of ease you must +think of a thousand things at the same time: the bare idea that I should +forget something material would be sufficient to intimidate me. Nor can +I comprehend how people can have the confidence to converse in large +companies, where each word must pass in review before so many, and where +it would be requisite to know their several characters and histories to +avoid saying what might give offence. In this particular, those who +frequent the world would have a great advantage, as they know better +where to be silent, and can speak with greater confidence; yet even they +sometimes let fall absurdities; in what predicament then must he be who +drops as it were from the clouds? it is almost impossible he should speak +ten minutes with impunity. + +In a tete-a-tete there is a still worse inconvenience; that is; the +necessity of talking perpetually, at least, the necessity of answering +when spoken to, and keeping up the conversation when the other is silent. +This insupportable constraint is alone sufficient to disgust me with +variety, for I cannot form an idea of a greater torment than being +obliged to speak continually without time for recollection. I know not +whether it proceeds from my mortal hatred of all constraint; but if I am +obliged to speak, I infallibly talk nonsense. What is still worse, +instead of learning how to be silent when I have absolutely nothing to +say, it is generally at such times that I have a violent inclination: and +endeavoring to pay my debt of conversation as speedily as possible, I +hastily gabble a number of words without ideas, happy when they only +chance to mean nothing; thus endeavoring to conquer or hide my +incapacity, I rarely fail to show it. + +I think I have said enough to show that, though not a fool, I have +frequently passed for one, even among people capable of judging; this was +the more vexatious, as my physiognomy and eyes promised otherwise, and +expectation being frustrated, my stupidity appeared the more shocking. +This detail, which a particular occasion gave birth to, will not be +useless in the sequel, being a key to many of my actions which might +otherwise appear unaccountable; and have been attributed to a savage +humor I do not possess. I love society as much as any man, was I not +certain to exhibit myself in it, not only disadvantageously, but totally +different from what I really am. The plan I have adopted of writing and +retirement, is what exactly suits me. Had I been present, my worth would +never have been known, no one would even have suspected it; thus it was +with Madam Dupin, a woman of sense, in whose house I lived for several +years; indeed, she has often since owned it to me: though on the whole +this rule may be subject to some exceptions. I shall now return to my +history. + +The estimate of my talents thus fixed, the situation I was capable of +promised, the question only remained how to render her capable of +fulfilling my destined vocation. The principle difficulty was, I did not +know Latin enough for a priest. Madam de Warrens determined to have me +taught for some time at the seminary, and accordingly spoke of it to the +Superior, who was a Lazarist, called M. Gras, a good-natured little +fellow, half blind, meagre, gray-haired, insensible, and the least +pedantic of any Lazarist I ever knew; which, in fact, is saying no great +matter. + +He frequently visited Madam de Warrens, who entertained, caressed, and +made much of him, letting him sometimes lace her stays, an office he was +willing enough to perform. While thus employed, she would run about the +room, this way or that, as occasion happened to call her. Drawn by the +lace, Monsieur the Superior followed, grumbling, repeating at every +moment, "Pray, madam, do stand still;" the whole forming a scene truly +diverting. + +M. Gras willingly assented to the project of Madam de Warrens, and, for a +very moderate pension, charged himself with the care of instructing me. +The consent of the bishop was all that remained necessary, who not only +granted it, but offered to pay the pension, permitting me to retain the +secular habit till they could judge by a trial what success they might +have in my improvement. + +What a change! but I was obliged to submit; though I went to the seminary +with about the same spirits as if they had been taking me to execution. +What a melancholy abode! especially for one who left the house of a +pretty woman. I carried one book with me, that I had borrowed of Madam +de Warrens, and found it a capital resource! it will not be easily +conjectured what kind of book this was--it was a music book. Among the +talents she had cultivated, music was not forgotten; she had a tolerable +good voice, sang agreeably, and played on the harpsichord. She had taken +the pains to give me some lessons in singing, though before I was very +uninformed in that respect, hardly knowing the music of our psalms. +Eight or ten interrupted lessons, far from putting me in a condition to +improve myself, did not teach me half the notes; notwithstanding, I had +such a passion for the art, that I determined to exercise myself alone. +The book I took was not of the most easy kind; it was the cantatas of +Clerambault. It may be conceived with what attention and perseverance I +studied, when I inform my reader, that without knowing anything of +transposition or quantity, I contrived to sing with tolerable +correctness, the first recitative and air in the cantata of Alpheus and +Arethusa; it is true this air is, so justly set, that it is only +necessary to recite the verses in their just measure to catch the music. + +There was at the seminary a curst Lazarist, who by undertaking to teach +me Latin made me detest it. His hair was coarse, black and greasy, his +face like those formed in gingerbread, he had the voice of a buffalo, the +countenance of an owl, and the bristles of a boar in lieu of a beard; his +smile was sardonic, and his limbs played like those of a puppet moved by +wires. I have forgotten his odious name, but the remembrance of his +frightful precise countenance remains with me, though hardly can I +recollect it without trembling; especially when I call to mind our +meeting in the gallery, when he graciously advanced his filthy square cap +as a sign for me to enter his apartment, which appeared more dismal in my +apprehension than a dungeon. Let any one judge the contrast between my +present master and the elegant Abbe de Gauvon. + +Had I remained two months at the mercy of this monster, I am certain my +head could not have sustained it; but the good M. Gras, perceiving I was +melancholy, grew thin, and did not eat my victuals, guessed the cause of +my uneasiness (which indeed was not very difficult) and taking me from +the claws of this beast, by another yet more striking contrast, placed me +with the gentlest of men, a young Faucigneran abbe, named M. Gatier, +who studied at the seminary, and out of complaisance for M. Gras, and +humanity to myself, spared some time from the prosecution of his own +studies in order to direct mine. Never did I see a more pleasing +countenance than that of M. Gatier. He was fair complexioned, his beard +rather inclined to red; his behavior like that of the generality of his +countrymen (who under a coarseness of countenance conceal much +understanding), marked in him a truly sensible and affectionate soul. +In his large blue eyes there was a mixture of softness, tenderness, and +melancholy, which made it impossible to see him without feeling one's +self interested. From the looks and manner of this young abbe he might +have been supposed to have foreseen his destiny, and that he was born to +be unhappy. + +His disposition did not belie his physiognomy: full of patience and +complaisance, he rather appeared to study with than to instruct me. +So much was not necessary to make me love him, his predecessor having +rendered that very easy; yet, notwithstanding all the time he bestowed on +me, notwithstanding our mutual good inclinations, and that his plan of +teaching was excellent, with much labor, I made little progress. It is +very singular, that with a clear conception I could never learn much from +masters except my father and M. Lambercier; the little I know besides I +have learned alone, as will be seen hereafter. My spirit, impatient of +every species of constraint, cannot submit to the law of the moment; even +the fear of not learning prevents my being attentive, and a dread of +wearying those who teach, makes me feign to understand them; thus they +proceed faster than I can comprehend, and the conclusion is I learn +nothing. My understanding must take its own time and cannot submit to +that of another. + +The time of ordination being arrived, M. Gatier returned to his province +as deacon, leaving me with gratitude, attachment, and sorrow for his +loss. The vows I made for him were no more answered than those I offered +for myself. Some years after, I learned, that being vicar of a parish, +a young girl was with child by him, being the only one (though he +possessed a very tender heart) with whom he was ever in love. This was a +dreadful scandal in a diocese severely governed, where the priests (being +under good regulation) ought never to have children--except by married +women. Having infringed this politic law, he was put in prison, defamed, +and driven from his benefice. I know not whether it was ever after in +his power to reestablish his affairs; but the remembrance of his +misfortunes, which were deeply engraven on my heart, struck me when I +wrote Emilius, and uniting M. Gatier with M. Gaime, I formed from these +two worthy priests the character of the Savoyard Vicar, and flatter +myself the imitation has not dishonored the originals. + +While I was at the seminary, M. d'Aubonne was obliged to quit Annecy, +Moultou being displeased that he made love to his wife, which was acting +like a dog in the manger, for though Madam Moultou was extremely amiable, +he lived very ill with her, treating her with such brutality that a +separation was talked of. Moultou, by repeated oppressions, at length +procured a dismissal from his employment: he was a disagreeable man; a +mole could not be blacker, nor an owl more knavish. It is said the +provincials revenge themselves on their enemies by songs; M. d'Aubonne +revenged himself on his by a comedy, which he sent to Madam de Warrens, +who showed it to me. I was pleased with it, and immediately conceived +the idea of writing one, to try whether I was so silly as the author had +pronounced me. This project was not executed till I went to Chambery, +where I wrote 'The Lover of Himself'. Thus when I said in the preface to +that piece, "it was written at eighteen," I cut off a few years. + +Nearly about this time an event happened, not very important in itself, +but whose consequence affected me, and made a noise in the world when I +had forgotten it. Once a week I was permitted to go out; it is not +necessary to say what use I made of this liberty. Being one Sunday at +Madam de Warrens, a building belonging to the Cordeliers, which joined +her house, took fire; this building which contained their oven, being +full of dry fagots, blazed violently and greatly endangered the house; +for the wind happening to drive the flames that way, it was covered with +them. The furniture, therefore, was hastily got out and carried into the +garden which fronted the windows, on the other side the before-mentioned +brook. I was so alarmed that I threw indiscriminately everything that +came to hand out of the window, even to a large stone mortar, which at +another time I should have found it difficult to remove, and should have +thrown a handsome looking-glass after it had not some one prevented me. +The good bishop, who that day was visiting Madam de Warrens, did not +remain idle; he took her into the garden, where they went to prayers with +the rest that were assembled there, and where sometime afterwards, +I found them on their knees, and presently joined them. While the good +man was at his devotions, the wind changed, so suddenly and critically, +that the flames which had covered the house and began to enter the +windows, were carried to the other side of the court, and the house +received no damage. Two years after, Monsieur de Berner being dead, the +Antoines, his former brethren, began to collect anecdotes which might +serve as arguments of his beatification; at the desire of Father Baudet, +I joined to these an attestation of what I have just related, in doing +which, though I attested no more than the truth, I certainly acted ill, +as it tended to make an indifferent occurrence pass for a miracle. I had +seen the bishop in prayer, and had likewise seen the wind change during +the prayer, and even much to the purpose, all this I could certify truly; +but that one of these facts was the cause of the other, I ought not to +have attested, because it is what I could not possibly be assured of. +Thus much I may say, that as far as I can recollect what my ideas were at +that time, I was sincerely, and in good earnest a Catholic. Love of the +marvellous is natural to the human heart; my veneration for the virtuous +prelate, and secret pride in having, perhaps, contributed to the event in +question, all helped to seduce me; and certainly, if this miracle was the +effect of ardent prayer, I had a right to claim a share of the merits. + +More than thirty years after, when I published the 'Lettres de la +Montagne', M. Feron (I know not by what means) discovered this +attestation, and made use of it in his paper. I must confess the +discovery was very critically timed, and appeared very diverting, +even to me. + +I was destined to be the outcast of every condition; for notwithstanding +M. Gatier gave the most favorable account he possibly could of my +studies, they plainly saw the improvement I received bore no proportion +to the pains taken to instruct me, which was no encouragement to continue +them: the bishop and superior, therefore, were disheartened, and I was +sent back to Madam de Warrens, as a subject not even fit to make a priest +of; but as they allowed, at the same time, that I was a tolerably good +lad, and far from being vicious, this account counterbalanced the former, +and determined her not to abandon me. + +I carried back in triumph the dear music book, which had been so useful +to me, the air of Alpheus and Arethusa being almost all I had learned at +the seminary. My predilection for this art started the idea of making a +musician of, me. A convenient opportunity offered; once a week, at +least, she had a concert at her house, and the music-master from the +cathedral, who directed this little band, came frequently to see her. +This was a Parisian, named M. le Maitre, a good composer, very lively, +gay, young, well made, of little understanding, but, upon the whole, a +good sort of man. Madam de Warrens made us acquainted; I attached myself +to him, and he seemed not displeased with me. A pension was talked of, +and agreed on; in short, I went home with him, and passed the winter the +more agreeably at his chambers, as they were not above twenty paces +distant from Madam de Warrens', where we frequently supped together. +It may easily be supposed that this situation, ever gay, and singing with +the musicians and children of the choir, was more pleasing to me than the +seminary and fathers of St. Lazarus. This life, though free, was +regular; here I learned to prize independence, but never to abuse it. +For six whole months I never once went out except to see Madam de +Warrens, or to church, nor had I any inclination to it. This interval is +one of those in which I enjoyed the greatest satisfaction, and which I +have ever recollected with pleasure. Among the various situations I have +been placed in, some were marked with such an idea of virtuous +satisfaction, that the bare remembrance affects me as if they were yet +present. I vividly recollect the time, the place, the persons, and even +the temperature of the air, while the lively idea of a certain local +impression peculiar to those times, transports me back again to the very +spot; for example, all that was repeated at our meetings, all that was +sung in the choir, everything that passed there; the beautiful and noble +habits of the canons, the chasubles of the priests, the mitres of the +singers, the persons of the musicians; an old lame carpenter who played +the counter-bass, a little fair abbe who performed on the violin, the +ragged cassock which M. le Maitre, after taking off his sword, used to +put over his secular habit, and the fine surplice with which he covered +the rags of the former, when he went to the choir; the pride with which I +held my little flute to my lips, and seated myself in the orchestra, to +assist in a recitative which M. le Maitre had composed on purpose for me; +the good dinner that afterwards awaited us, and the good appetites we +carried to it. This concourse of objects, strongly retraced in my +memory, has charmed me a hundred time as much, or perhaps more, than ever +the reality had done. I have always preserved an affection for a certain +air of the 'Conditor alme Syderum', because one Sunday in Advent I heard +that hymn sung on the steps of the cathedral, (according to the custom of +that place) as I lay in bed before daybreak. Mademoiselle Merceret, +Madam de Warrens' chambermaid, knew something of music; I shall never +forget a little piece that M. le Maitre made me sing with her, and which +her mistress listened to with great satisfaction. In a word, every +particular, even down to the servant Perrine, whom the boys of the choir +took such delight in teasing. The remembrance of these times of +happiness and innocence frequently returning to my mind, both ravish and +affect me. + +I lived at Annecy during a year without the least reproach, giving +universal satisfaction. Since my departure from Turin I had been guilty +of no folly, committed none while under the eye of Madam de Warrens. +She was my conductor, and ever led me right; my attachment for her became +my only passion, and what proves it was not a giddy one, my heart and +understanding were in unison. It is true that a single sentiment, +absorbing all my faculties, put me out of a capacity of learning even +music: but this was not my fault, since to the strongest inclination, +I added the utmost assiduity. I was attentive and thoughtful; what could +I do? Nothing was wanting towards my progress that depended on me; +meantime, it only required a subject that might inspire me to occasion +the commission of new follies: that subject presented itself, chance +arranged it, and (as will be seen hereafter) my inconsiderate head gave +in to it. + +One evening, in the month of February, when it was very cold, being all +sat round the fire, we heard some one knock at the street door. Perrine +took a light, went down and opened it: a young man entering, came +upstairs, presented himself with an easy air, and making M. Maitre a +short, but well-turned compliment, announced himself as a French +musician, constrained by the state of his finances to take this liberty. +The hart of the good Le Maitre leaped at the name of a French musician, +for he passionately loved both his country and profession; he therefore +offered the young traveller his service--and use of his apartment, which +he appeared to stand much in need of, and which he accepted without much +ceremony. I observed him while he was chatting and warming himself +before supper; he was short and thick, having some fault in his shape, +though without any particular deformity; he had (if I may so express +myself) an appearance of being hunchbacked, with flat shoulders, and I +think he limped. He wore a black coat, rather worn than old, which hung +in tatters, a very fine but dirty shirt, frayed ruffles; a pair of +splatterdashes so large that he could have put both legs into either of +them, and, to secure himself from the snow, a little hat, only fit to be +carried under his arm. With this whimsical equipage, he had, however, +something elegant in his manners and conversation; his countenance was +expressive and agreeable, and he spoke with facility if not with modesty; +in short, everything about him bore the mark of a young debauchee, who +did not crave assistance like a beggar, but as a thoughtless madcap. +He told us his name was Venture de Villeneuve, that he came from Paris, +had lost his way, and seeming to forget that he had announced himself for +a musician, added that he was going to Grenoble to see a relation that +was a member of Parliament. + +During supper we talked of music, on which subject he spoke well: he knew +all the great virtuosi, all the celebrated works, all the actors, +actresses, pretty women, and powerful lords; in short nothing was +mentioned but what he seemed thoroughly acquainted with. Though no +sooner was any topic started, than by some drollery, which set every one +a-laughing, he made them forget what had been said. This was on a +Saturday; the next day there was to be music at the cathedral: M. le +Maitre asked if he would sing there--"Very willingly."--"What part would +he chose?"--"The counter-tenor:" and immediately began speaking of other +things. Before he went to church they offered him his part to peruse, +but he did not even look at it. This Gasconade surprised Le Maitre-- +"You'll see," said he, whispering to me, "that he does not know a single +note."--I replied: "I am very much afraid of him." I followed them into +the church; but was extremely uneasy, and when they began, my heart beat +violently, so much was I interested in his behalf. + +I was presently out of pain: he sung his two recitatives with all +imaginable taste and judgment; and what was yet more, with a very +agreeable voice. I never enjoyed a more pleasing surprise. After mass, +M. Venture received the highest compliments from the canons and +musicians, which he answered jokingly, though with great grace. M. le +Maitre embraced him heartily; I did the same; he saw I was rejoiced at +his success, and appeared pleased at my satisfaction. + +It will easily be surmised, that after having been delighted with M. +Bacle, who had little to attract my admiration, I should be infatuated +with M. Venture, who had education, wit, talents, and a knowledge of the +world, and might be called an agreeable rake. This was exactly what +happened, and would, I believe, have happened to any other young man in +my place; especially supposing him possessed of better judgment to +distinguish merit, and more propensity to be engaged by it; for Venture +doubtless possessed a considerable share, and one in particular, very +rare at his age, namely, that of never being in haste to display his +talents. It is true, he boasted of many things he did not understand, +but of those he knew (which were very numerous) he said nothing, +patiently waiting some occasion to display them, which he then did with +ease, though without forwardness, and thus gave them more effect. +As there was ever some intermission between the proofs of his various +abilities, it was impossible to conjecture whether he had ever discovered +all his talents. Playful, giddy, inexhaustible, seducing in +conversation, ever smiling, but never laughing, and repeating the rudest +things in the most elegant manner--even the most modest women were +astonished at what they endured from him: it was in vain for them to +determine to be angry; they could not assume the appearance of it. +It was extraordinary that with so many agreeable talents, in a country +where they are so well understood, and so much admired, he so long +remained only a musician. + +My attachment to M. Venture, more reasonable in its cause, was also less +extravagant in its effects, though more lively and durable than that I +had conceived for M. Bacle. I loved to see him, to hear him, all his +actions appeared charming, everything he said was an oracle to me, but +the enchantment did not extend far enough to disable me from quitting +him. I spoke of him with transport to Madam de Warrens, Le Maitre +likewise spoke in his praise, and she consented we should bring him to +her house. This interview did not succeed; he thought her affected, she +found him a libertine, and, alarmed that I had formed such an ill +acquaintance, not only forbade me bringing him there again, but likewise +painted so strongly the danger I ran with this young man, that I became a +little more circumspect in giving in to the attachment; and very happily, +both for my manners and wits, we were soon separated. + +M. le Maitre, like most of his profession, loved good wine; at table he +was moderate, but when busy in his closet he must drink. His maid was so +well acquainted with this humor that no sooner had he prepared his paper +to compose, and taken his violoncello, than the bottle and glass arrived, +and was replenished from time to time: thus, without being ever +absolutely intoxicated, he was usually in a state of elevation. This was +really unfortunate, for he had a good heart, and was so playful that +Madam de Warrens used to call him the kitten. Unhappily, he loved his +profession, labored much and drank proportionately, which injured his +health, and at length soured his temper. Sometimes he was gloomy and +easily offended, though incapable of rudeness, or giving offence to any +one, for never did he utter a harsh word, even to the boys of the choir: +on the other hand, he would not suffer another to offend him, which was +but just: the misfortune was, having little understanding, he did not +properly discriminate, and was often angry without cause. + +The Chapter of Geneva, where so many princes and bishops formerly thought +it an honor to be seated, though in exile it lost its ancient splendor, +retained (without any diminution) its pride. To be admitted, you must +either be a gentleman or Doctor of Sorbonne. If there is a pardonable +pride, after that derived from personal merit, it is doubtless that +arising from birth, though, in general, priests having laymen in their +service treat them with sufficient haughtiness, and thus the canons +behaved to poor Le Maitre. The chanter, in particular, who was called +the Abbe de Vidonne, in other respects a well-behaved man, but too full +of his nobility, did not always show him the attention his talents +merited. M. le Maitre could not bear these indignities patiently; +and this year, during passion week, they had a more serious dispute than +ordinary. At an institution dinner that the bishop gave the canons, and +to which M. Maitre was always invited, the abbe failed in some formality, +adding, at the same time, some harsh words, which the other could not +digest; he instantly formed the resolution to quit them the following +night; nor could any consideration make him give up his design, though +Madam de Warrens (whom he went to take leave of) spared no pains to +appease him. He could not relinquish the pleasure of leaving his tyrants +embarrassed for the Easter feast, at which time he knew they stood in +greatest need of him. He was most concerned about his music, which he +wished to take with him; but this could not easily be accomplished, as it +filled a large case, and was very heavy, and could not be carried under +the arm. + +Madam de Warrens did what I should have done in her situation; and +indeed, what I should yet do: after many useless efforts to retain him, +seeing he was resolved to depart, whatever might be the event, she formed +the resolution to give him every possible assistance. I must confess Le +Maitre deserved it of her, for he was (if I may use the expression) +dedicated to her service, in whatever appertained to either his art or +knowledge, and the readiness with which he obliged gave a double value to +his complaisance: thus she only paid back, on an essential occasion, the +many favors he had been long conferring on her; though I should observe, +she possessed a soul that, to fulfill such duties, had no occasion to be +reminded of previous obligations. Accordingly she ordered me to follow +Le Maitre to Lyons, and to continue with him as long as he might have +occasion for my services. She has since avowed, that a desire of +detaching me from Venture had a great hand in this arrangement. She +consulted Claude Anet about the conveyance of the above-mentioned case. +He advised, that instead of hiring a beast at Annecy, which would +infallibly discover us, it would be better, at night, to take it to some +neighboring village, and there hire an ass to carry it to Seyssel, which +being in the French dominions, we should have nothing to fear. This plan +was adopted; we departed the same night at seven, and Madam de Warrens, +under pretense of paying my expenses, increased the purse of poor Le +Maitre by an addition that was very acceptable. Claude Anet, the +gardiner, and myself, carried the case to the first village, then hired +an ass, and the same night reached Seyssel. + +I think I have already remarked that there are times in which I am so +unlike myself that I might be taken for a man of a direct opposite +disposition; I shall now give an example of this. M. Reydelet, curate of +Seyssel, was canon of St. Peter's, consequently known to M. le Maitre, +and one of the people from whom he should have taken most pains to +conceal himself; my advice, on the contrary, was to present ourselves to +him, and, under some pretext, entreat entertainment as if we visited him +by consent of the chapter. Le Maitre adopted the idea, which seemed to +give his revenge the appearance of satire and waggery; in short, we went +boldly to Reydelet, who received us very kindly. Le Maitre told him he +was going to Bellay by desire of the bishop, that he might superintend +the music during the Easter holidays, and that he proposed returning that +way in a few days. To support this tale, I told a hundred others, so +naturally that M. Reydelet thought me a very agreeable youth, and treated +me with great friendship and civility. We were well regaled and well +lodged: M. Reydelet scarcely knew how to make enough of us; and we parted +the best friends in the world, with a promise to stop longer on our +return. We found it difficult to refrain from laughter, or wait till we +were alone to give free vent to our mirth: indeed, even now, the bare +recollection of it forces a smile, for never was waggery better or more +fortunately maintained. This would have made us merry during the +remainder of our journey, if M. le Maitre (who did not cease drinking) +had not been two or three times attacked with a complaint that he +afterwards became very subject to, and which resembled an epilepsy. +These fits threw me into the most fearful embarrassments, from which I +resolved to extricate myself with the first opportunity. + +According to the information given to M. Reydelet, we passed our Easter +holidays at Bellay, and though not expected there, were received by the +music--master, and welcomed by every one with great pleasure. M. le +Maitre was of considerable note in his profession, and, indeed, merited +that distinction. The music-master of Bellay (who was fond of his own +works) endeavored to obtain the approbation of so good a judge; for +besides being a connoisseur, M. le Maitre was equitable, neither a +jealous, ill-natured critic, nor a servile flatterer. He was so superior +to the generality of country music-masters and they were so sensible of +it, that they treated him rather as their chief than a brother musician. + +Having passed four or five days very agreeably at Bellay, we departed, +and continuing our journey without meeting with any accidents, except +those I have just spoken of, arrived at Lyons, and were lodged at Notre +Dame de Pitie. While we waited for the arrival of the before-mentioned +case (which by the assistance of another lie, and the care of our good +patron, M. Reydelet, we had embarked on the Rhone) M. le Maitre went to +visit his acquaintance, and among others Father Cato, a Cordelier, who +will be spoken of hereafter, and the Abbe Dortan, Count of Lyons, both of +whom received him well, but afterwards betrayed him, as will be seen +presently; indeed, his good fortune terminated with M. Reydelet. + +Two days after our arrival at Lyons, as we passed a little street not far +from our inn, Le Maitre was attacked by one of his fits; but it was now +so violent as to give me the utmost alarm. I screamed with terror, +called for help, and naming our inn, entreated some one to bear him to +it, then (while the people were assembled, and busy round a man that had +fallen senseless in the street) he was abandoned by the only friend on +whom he could have any reasonable dependence; I seized the instant when +no one heeded me, turned the corner of the street and disappeared. +Thanks to Heaven, I have made my third painful confession; if many such +remained, I should certainly abandon the work I have undertaken. + +Of all the incidents I have yet related, a few traces are remaining in +the places where I have lived; but what I have to relate in the following +book is almost entirely unknown; these are the greatest extravagancies of +my life, and it is happy they had not worse conclusions. My head, (if I +may use the simile) screwed up to the pitch of an instrument it did not +naturally accord with, had lost its diapason; in time it returned to it +again, when I discontinued my follies, or at least gave in to those more +consonant to my disposition. This epoch of my youth I am least able to +recollect, nothing having passed sufficiently interesting to influence my +heart, to make me clearly retrace the remembrance. In so many successive +changes, it is difficult not to make some transpositions of time or +place. I write absolutely from memory, without notes or materials to +help my recollection. Some events are as fresh in my idea as if they had +recently happened, but there are certain chasms which I cannot fill up +but by the aid of recital, as confused as the remaining traces of those +to which they refer. It is possible, therefore, that I may have erred in +trifles, and perhaps shall again, but in every matter of importance I can +answer that the account is faithfully exact, and with the same veracity +the reader may depend I shall be careful to continue it. + +My resolution was soon taken after quitting Le Maitre; I set out +immediately for Annecy. The cause and mystery of our departure had +interested me for the security of our retreat: this interest, which +entirely employed my thoughts for some days, had banished every other +idea; but no sooner was I secure and in tranquility, than my predominant +sentiment regained its place. Nothing flattered, nothing tempted me, I +had no wish but to return to Madam de Warrens; the tenderness and truth +of my attachment to her had rooted from my heart every imaginable +project, and all the follies of ambition, I conceived no happiness but +living near her, nor could I take a step without feeling that the +distance between us was increased. I returned, therefore, as soon as +possible, with such speed, and with my spirits in such a state of +agitation, that though I recall with pleasure all my other travels, I +have not the least recollection of this, only remembering my leaving +Lyons and reaching Annecy. Let anyone judge whether this last event can +have slipped my memory, when informed that on my arrival I found Madam de +Warrens was not there, having set out for Paris. + +I was never well informed of the motives of this journey. I am certain +she would have told me had I asked her, but never was man less curious to +learn the secrets of his friend. My heart is ever so entirely filled +with the present, or with past pleasures, which become a principal part +of my enjoyment, that there is not a chink or corner for curiosity to +enter. All that I conceive from what I heard of it, is, that in the +revolution caused at Turin by the abdication of the King of Sardinia, +she feared being forgotten, and was willing by favor of the intrigues of +M. d' Aubonne to seek the same advantage in the court of France, where +she has often told me she should, have preferred it, as the multiplicity +of business there prevents your conduct from being so closely inspected. +If this was her business, it is astonishing that on her return she was +not ill received; be that as it will, she continued to enjoy her +allowance without any interruption. Many people imagined she was charged +with some secret commission, either by the bishop, who then had business +at the court of France, where he himself was soon after obliged to go, +or some one yet more powerful, who knew how to insure her a gracious +reception at her return. If this was the case, it is certain the +ambassadress was not ill chosen, since being young and handsome, she had +all the necessary qualifications to succeed in a negotiation. + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +A subject not even fit to make a priest of +Endeavoring to hide my incapacity, I rarely fail to show it +Endeavoring to rise too high we are in danger of falling +Foresight with me has always embittered enjoyment +Hat only fit to be carried under his arm +Love of the marvellous is natural to the human heart +Mistake wit for sense +Priests ought never to have children--except by married women +Rather appeared to study with than to instruct me +Though not a fool, I have frequently passed for one + + + + +End of this Project Gutenberg Etext of The Confessions of Rousseau, v3 +by Jean Jacques Rousseau + diff --git a/old/jj03b10.zip b/old/jj03b10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..2cf28e0 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/jj03b10.zip |