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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of All (Frightfully Unofficial) about an Old
+Friend of mine., by T. C. Gash
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: All (Frightfully Unofficial) about an Old Friend of mine.
+       What he most probably was. What he most certainly will be
+       and who has done this? Why The Cat.
+
+Author: T. C. Gash
+
+Release Date: November 18, 2011 [EBook #38050]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ALL (FRIGHTFULLY UNOFFICIAL) ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Chris Curnow, Anna Whitehead, Diane Monico,
+and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at
+http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+ALL
+(Frightfully Unofficial)
+about an OLD FRIEND of mine
+
+What he most probably was
+What he most certainly will be
+AND WHO HAS DONE THIS?
+
+WHY
+THE CAT.
+
+
+
+
+Dedicated to the Notice
+OF ALL
+The Firms of this Great City
+whether
+BANKERS BROKERS OR OTHERS
+WHO
+In their Rise to Wealth and Affluence
+have NOT yet
+Recognised the "Generous Policy" That their
+Success is always partly Due to the Honesty and
+Energy of their
+SERVANTS,
+AND WHO
+After taking to Themselves all the
+_HONEY_ in the _HIVE_
+Leave to the
+WORKERS
+NOTHING
+but the Lees.
+
+"A good Master maketh a good Servant"
+
+                       MARTIN TUPPER.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration:
+
+ALL
+(Frightfully Unofficial)
+about an OLD FRIEND of mine
+
+What he most probably was
+What he most certainly will be
+AND WHO HAS DONE THIS?
+
+WHY
+THE CAT.]
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: What he most probably was,
+
+before he became]
+
+
+[Illustration: A General-Private-Joint-Continental-Universal-Everlasting
+Respectable-Responsible
+BANKERS CLERK.
+
+During his 1st year of Service
+
+(Fancies he's got a "good thing")]
+
+
+[Illustration: At 10 years Service, he has his doubts.]
+
+
+[Illustration: This is the BC of 20 years Service--he--_hasn't any
+doubts now_. Bless you! He knows _all about it, and_ he's going home! To
+his--_Dinner_!!!]
+
+
+[Illustration: HERE IT IS!
+
+AND ought'nt he to be _thankful_]
+
+
+[Illustration: AT 40, 50, or 150 years Service, _he wonders_ (_ha! ha!_)
+Why his old heart may not be eased
+
+_BY A PENSION_
+
+that _he and his_ can live upon, together with a _handsome present_ of
+_the remnant of his life_]
+
+
+[Illustration: But he is informed that if he will send in his
+_resignation_ _first_, It will be seen what can be done for him
+
+_Afterwards_
+
+"_Is he quite worn out.?_ not another _6 months_? dear me!
+
+_quite sure?_ Ah!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: This generous proposal does'nt satisfy our greedy old
+friend, so he comes up to the scratch as usual
+
+And he works all day, and he dreams all night]
+
+
+[Illustration: Once he dreamt (silly Old boy) he dreamt]
+
+
+[Illustration: He had an _IDEA_!!!
+
+(of course it was only a dream.)]
+
+
+[Illustration: (His Dream)
+
+Why not appeal to his Masters the DIRECTORS they can but say No. they
+are Gentlemen, and _they won't eat him_]
+
+
+[Illustration: (His Dream)
+
+And of cours.--HOORAY!!!!
+
+The DIRECTORS declare that their _trusted servant_ SHOULD NOT be an
+_exception_ to the _Universal Rule_, but that he had risen in value like
+everything else AND they further declare, they will not permit, _the man
+whose labour increases with their success_, to be _left behind_ by the
+butcher, the Baker, or the Candlestick Maker.--_NO_ not to put dividends
+into their own pockets,
+
+_OR ANY OTHER MANS_]
+
+
+[Illustration: (still his dream.)
+
+And Georgiana-Amelia looks more like the girl he took away from the old
+Rectory 20 years ago than he ever hoped to see again
+
+Why she's getting FAT!, Sir FAT!]
+
+
+[Illustration: (but dreams)
+
+And so is Tommy' Sir.]
+
+
+[Illustration: (very happy dreams)
+
+And Georgiana Amelia, Junior.]
+
+
+[Illustration: (Are very very seldom)
+
+And so Goodbye, Sir Goodbye. No, we _do not_ live at Poplar now--Why,
+yes, quite a change. Just so Good bye to you, Sir
+
+_Hem_--_WE ARE GOING TO CHURCH._]
+
+
+[Illustration: (REALIZED)
+
+OH! _Are you_.--_You're going to the City_, Old Boy. WHAT!!! _Give you
+more pay_--Pooh. Think of the Honorable _Confidence_ your Masters
+_cannot help giving you_--Think of that--Very Valuable, Eh.
+
+_Ah! I should think so_, and you had better wake up those Shakey old
+legs of yours, or you'll be _Under the Line_]
+
+
+[Illustration: And one Morning
+
+_he is_ _Under the Line_]
+
+
+[Illustration: And _THIS is the result of his lifes labour_]
+
+
+[Illustration:
+
+EXTRAORDINARY COINCIDENCE
+
+SOME BODY
+ELSE
+
+HAS BEEN DREAMING
+
+OR
+
+OUR MUTUAL FRIEND
+
+BEING
+
+The FINAL SCRATCHES of
+
+THE CAT
+
+WHO
+
+After this will vanish
+
+And like the baseless
+fabrick of a dream
+Leave not a wrack behind]
+
+
+[Illustration: Having attended a Committee of the most exciting and
+exhaustive nature "Somebody" indulges in the traditional "40 Winks".]
+
+
+[Illustration: But the Committee hasn't done with him yet--the "Winks"
+are disturbed, and the Phantom of a defunct argument, that _He_ settled
+long ago, sits itself rudely on the table, in a Makeshifty sort of way
+and insists upon having another "go in".]
+
+
+[Illustration: And so he thinks, _He_ thinks! his income is too small;
+Why _it's Princely_, said the "Shadowy party" whose own "pull" was about
+L20,000 a year, He ought to make it do somehow, and if he don't like it
+you can manage without him.
+
+Now look here, let me show you an Article.]
+
+
+[Illustration: _There!!!_
+
+Now I call this cheap.--_There he is_, Salary L40. _and_ white choker
+_not_ objected to. (for the matter of that he'll wear plush
+or--anything)----Come he's goodlooking. He'll work for you, respect you,
+as much as he does himself, be a credit to you, _and_ finally, he's been
+in the Pawnbroking line, _says_ _he lives on Oatmeal Porridge--and comes
+from the North_
+
+(ED NOTE "Puss" who comes fra' the North hersel, is disgusted with the
+"Cad", _and does'nt believe him_.]
+
+
+[Illustration: His harmless Pursuits----]
+
+
+[Illustration: And his simple Tastes,----]
+
+
+[Illustration: Will render him at once the _ornament_ and "Prop" of your
+Establisment.--]
+
+
+[Illustration: _And_ if in the ingenuous enthusiasm of his _Generous_
+Nature, _he should_ by chance "run short"; He's _not the man_ to pester
+you with Petitions. _He_ has a soul above _asking for Money_.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Just so--,]
+
+
+[Illustration: Ha! Ha! laughed "Somebody", to "the" great danger of the
+"Winks"; _Of course_, and we shouldn't dream of taking such a scamp.
+_We_, Hem, have _always_ drawn _Our_ staff from a _very_ different
+class, and _why_ shouldn't we always do so, _We_ are quite satisfied
+with them, and our Business, and our Profits are Increasing
+yearly.----Upon my word said "Somebody" _everything_ connected with "Our
+House" gives me unlimited satisfaction.]
+
+
+[Illustration: And you are going to make the satisfaction just a _leetle
+Mutual_; Sir, indeed we ought to thank you very much; Said a new and
+most impertinent Essence, who appeared, somewhat prematurely, to have
+made up his mind, and so settled the question out of hand.]
+
+
+[Illustration: What do you mean, Sir. We don't require _your_
+interference said "Somebody" (who couldn't encourage that sort of
+thing). I see they forgot the Doctor, and no doubt your _Wife will go_
+to church. Yes, that sort of thing does cost _something_, and you
+couldn't very well stop her, no, no. And I see you _never_ spend _any
+money_ for Conveyance, and you never have _any_ recreation, or change of
+air; nothing to help through the dismal monotony of your 12 days holiday
+in _November_ or _February_ and you can't even afford "8 hours at the
+Sea Side" for the Wife and little ones. In fact you've no money. _no
+comfort! no Pipe! no Glass! no music! no Paper! no nothing._
+
+Well!!! said "Somebody" you're an _Extraordinary Man_--_but I don't
+believe you_--Now I can _understand this_. _You cannot afford_ _any_ of
+these things, _that_ is clear. But Human Nature is frail, and Alas!
+B.C.s _are but_ Human. Come, Sir confess at least _to some of these
+iniquities_, and then--_What is the consequence?_]
+
+
+[Illustration: Why 50 per cent of you get into debt, and you know it
+Said "Somebody" do you think you can decieve me? Why its clear that if
+you will _really_ make out a list of The Butcher, The Baker, The Water
+rate, The _Poor Rate_!! and the Income Tax (every penny--poor devil) and
+_all the other luxuries in which you indulge_. Why both ends _can't_
+meet]
+
+
+[Illustration: Somebody Somebody, Esquire
+
+Of course they wont. I've said so before. Give you my Vote and Interest?
+Do we wish to conduct our Business on the "Old Clo" principle, like a
+Firm of Jew Slopmakers? said "Somebody", getting Indignant, and
+dangerously red about the Face--NO! very well. Give you my Vote and
+Interest? _I always have._ Give them again?----(you know young man, this
+is all very unofficial--well then) Yes.--_I Will_]
+
+
+[Illustration: And "Somebody" said "I will" so loudly that he woke
+himself up.]
+
+
+[Illustration: And "Somebody" _who was "Somebody"_ (may his shadow never
+be less) _did_ give his Vote and Interest.
+
+_And the result_, some of it is in my Pocket (_long may it stop there_)
+the Result is, that _Our House_ is up to _any Amount of Work_ and will
+undertake _to beat the Cheap Jacks into Fits_
+
+Let us hope the example of "our little Shop" will be catching
+
+Now then ALLTOGETHER
+    AND SO SAY ALL OF US
+    AND SO SAY ALL OF US
+FOR HE IS A JOLLY GOOD
+
+SOMEBODY COMING
+
+See him do it!
+
+Puss in taking leave of his Friends _Congratulates_ them on the _Fact_
+that _they know who is_ OUR "MUTUAL FRIEND" (and it isn't everyone can
+say that). In conclusion it is to be hoped that "Nobody" will be the
+only person so _unfeline_ as to dream of
+
+"PUTTING A STOPPER ON THE CAT'S MEAT"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Transcriber's Notes
+
+Retained the spelling and punctuation anomalies of the original.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of All (Frightfully Unofficial) about an
+Old Friend of mine., by T. C. Gash
+
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