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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 20:00:25 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 20:00:25 -0700 |
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diff --git a/33883-h/33883-h.htm b/33883-h/33883-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..daa8463 --- /dev/null +++ b/33883-h/33883-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,8135 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Friend Mac Donald, by Max O'Rell. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + + p { margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;} + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + } /* page numbers */ + + .blockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%;} + + .center {text-align: center;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + .u {text-decoration: underline;} + + .caption {font-weight: bold;} + + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + + .figleft {float: left; clear: left; margin-left: 0; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: + 0em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .footnotes {border: dashed 1px;} + .footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + .footnote .label {position: absolute; right: 84%; text-align: right;} + .fnanchor {vertical-align: super; font-size: .8em; text-decoration: none;} + + .poem {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; text-align: left;} + .poem br {display: none;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem span.i0 {display: block; margin-left: 0em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i2 {display: block; margin-left: 2em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i4 {display: block; margin-left: 4em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + + p.dropcap {text-indent: -15px; } + + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Friend Mac Donald, by Max O'Rell + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Friend Mac Donald + +Author: Max O'Rell + +Release Date: October 25, 2010 [EBook #33883] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRIEND MAC DONALD *** + + + + +Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + + + + + +</pre> + + + +<p class="center"><br /><b>TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE:</b> Punctuation has been normalized.</p> + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 375px;"> +<img src="images/i_cover.jpg" width="375" height="640" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> + +<h4><span class="u"><i>All rights reserved</i></span></h4> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<img src="images/i_002.jpg" width="640" height="156" alt="Friend Mac Donald" title="Friend Mac Donald" /> +</div> + + +<h4>BY</h4> + +<h2>MAX O'RELL</h2> + +<h4>AUTHOR OF<br /> +"JOHN BULL AND HIS ISLAND," ETC</h4> + +<hr style="width: 15%;" /> +<h3>Arrowsmith's Bristol Library<br /> + +<span class="smcap">Vol. XXV</span></h3> +<hr style="width: 15%;" /> + +<h4>BRISTOL<br /> +<span class="smcap">J. W. Arrowsmith, 11 Quay Street</span><br /> +<small>LONDON<br /> +<span class="smcap">Simpkin, Marshall & Co., 4 Stationers' Hall Court</span><br /> +1887</small></h4> + + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>i</span></p> +<h2>CONTENTS.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"> +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_I"><span class="smcap">Chap. I.</span></a>—A Word to Donald.—The Scotch Anecdote and +its Character.—The Scotch painted by Themselves.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_II"><span class="smcap">Chap. II.</span></a>—Donald, a British Subject, but no Englishman.—Opinion +of the greatest English Wit on the Scotch, and +the worth of that Opinion.—The Wit of Donald and the Wit +of the Cockney.—Intelligence and Intellectuality.—Donald's +Exterior.—Donald's Interior.—Help yourself and Heaven +will help you.—An Irish and a Scotch Servant facing a +Difficulty.—How a small Scotchman may make himself +useful in the Hour of Danger.—Characteristics.—Donald on +Train Journeys.—One Way of avoiding Tolls.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_III"><span class="smcap">Chap. III.</span></a>—All Scots know how to Reckon.—Rabelais in +Scotland.—How Donald made Twopence-halfpenny by going +to the Lock-up.—Difference between Buying and Stealing.—Scotch +Honesty.—Last Words of a Father to his Son.—Abraham +in Scotland.—How Donald outdid Jonathan.—Circumspection, +Insinuations, and Negations.—Delicious +Declarations of Love.—Laconism.—Conversation reduced to +its simplest Expression.—A, e, i, o, u.—A Visit to Thomas +Carlyle.—The Silent Academy of Hamadan.—With the +Author's Compliments.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_IV"><span class="smcap">Chap. IV.</span></a>—The traditional Hospitality of the Highlands.—One +more fond Belief gone.—Highland Bills.—Donald's +two Trinities.—Never trust Donald on Saturdays and Mondays.—The +Game he prefers.—A Well-informed Man.—Ask +no Questions and you will be told no Tales.—How Donald<span class='pagenum'>ii</span> +showed prodigious Things to a Cockney in the Highlands.—There +is no Man so dumb as he who will not be heard.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_V"><span class="smcap">Chap. V.</span></a>—Resemblance of Donald to the Norman.—Donald +marketing.—Bearding a Barber.—Norman Replies.—Cant.—Why +the Whisky was not marked on the Hotel Bill.—New +Use for the Old and New Testaments.—You should +love your Enemies and not swallow them.—A modest Wish.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_VI"><span class="smcap">Chap. VI.</span></a>—Democratic Spirit in Scotland.—One Scot as +good as another.—Amiable Beggars.—Familiarity of Servants.—Shout +all together!—A Scotchman who does not +admire his Wife.—Donald's Pride.—The Queen and her +Scotch People.—Little Presents keep alive Friendship.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_VII"><span class="smcap">Chap. VII.</span></a>—Scottish Perseverance.—Thomas Carlyle, +David Livingstone, and General Gordon.—Literary Exploits +of a Scotchman.—Scottish Students.—All the Students study.—A +useful Library.—A Family of three.—Coming, Sir, +coming!—Killed in Action.—Scotchmen at Oxford.—Balliol +College.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_VIII"><span class="smcap">Chap. VIII.</span></a>—Good old Times.—A Trick.—Untying Cravats.—Bible +and Whisky.—Evenings in Scotland.—The +Dining-room.—Scots of the old School.—Departure of the +Whisky and Arrival of the Bible.—The Nightcap in Scotland.—Five +Hours' Rest.—The Gong and its Effects.—Fresh as +Larks.—Iron Stomachs.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_IX"><span class="smcap">Chap. IX.</span></a>—Religion and Churches in Scotland.—Why +Scotch Bishops cut a poor Figure.—Companies for Insuring +against the Accidents of the Life to come.—Religious Lecture-Rooms.—No +one can Serve two Masters.—How the Gospel +Camel was able to pass through the Eye of a Needle.—Incense +and Common Sense.—I understand, therefore I believe.—Conversions +at Home.—Conversions in Open Air.—A +modest Preacher.—A well-filled Week.—Touching Piety.—Donald +recommends John Bull and Paddy to the Lord.<span class='pagenum'>iii</span></p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_X"><span class="smcap">Chap. X.</span></a>—Donald's Relations with the Divinity.—Prayers +and Sermons.—Signification of the word "Receptivity."—Requests +and Thanksgivings.—"Repose in Peace."—"Thou +excelledst them all."—Explanation of Miracles.—Pulpit Advertisements.—Pictures +of the Last Judgment.—One of the +Elect belated.—An Urchin Preacher.—A Considerate Beggar.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XI"><span class="smcap">Chap. XI.</span></a>—The Scotch Sabbath.—The Saviour in the +Cornfield.—A good Advertisement.—Difference between the +Inside and the Outside of an Omnibus.—How useful it is to +be able to speak Scotch in Scotland.—Sermon and Lesson on +Balistics at Edinburgh.—If you do Evil on the Sabbath, do +it well.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XII.</span></a>—Scotch Bonhomie.—Humour and Quick-Wittedness.—Reminiscences +of a Lecturer.—How the Author +was once taken for an Englishman.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XIII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XIII.</span></a>—Drollery of Scotch Phraseology.—A Scotchman +who Lost his Head.—Two Severe Wounds.—Premature +Death.—A Neat Comparison.—Cold Comfort.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XIV"><span class="smcap">Chap. XIV.</span></a>—Family Life.—"Can I assist you?"—"No. +I will assist myself, thank you."—Hospitality in good Society.—The +Friends of Friends are Friends.—When the Visitors +come to an End there are more to follow.—Good Society.—Women.—Men.—Conversation +in Scotland.—A touching +little Scene.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XV"><span class="smcap">Chap. XV.</span></a>—Little Sketches of Family Life in Scotland.—The +Scotchman of "John Bull and his Island."—Painful +Explanations.—As a Father I love you, as a Customer I take +you in.—A good Investment.—Killing two Birds with one +Stone.—A young Man in a Hurry.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XVI"><span class="smcap">Chap. XVI.</span></a>—Matrimonial Ceremonies.—Sweethearts.—"Un +serrement de main vaut dix serments de bouche."—"Jack's +kisses were nicer than that."—A Platonic Lover.—"Excuse +me, I'm married."—A wicked Trick.<span class='pagenum'>iv</span></p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XVII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XVII.</span></a>—Donald is not easily knocked down.—He +calmly contemplates Death, especially other people's.—A +thoughtful Wife.—A very natural Request.—A consolable +Father.—"Job," 1st chapter, 21st verse.—Merry Funerals.—They +manage Things better in Ireland.—Gone just in Time.—Touching +Funeral Orations.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XVIII.</span></a>—Intellectual Life in Scotland.—The Climate +is not so bad as it is represented to be.—Comparisons.—Literary +and Scientific Societies.—Why should not France +possess such Societies?—Scotch Newspapers.—Scotland is +the Sinew of the British Empire.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XIX"><span class="smcap">Chap. XIX.</span></a>—Higher Education in Scotland.—The Universities.—How +they differ from English Universities.—Is he +a Gentleman?—Scholarships.—A visit to the University of +Aberdeen.—English Prejudice against Scotch Universities.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XX"><span class="smcap">Chap. XX.</span></a>—Scotch Literature.—Robert Burns.—Walter +Scott.—Thomas Carlyle.—Adam Smith.—Burns Worship.—Scotch +Ballads and Poetry.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXI"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXI.</span></a>—The Dance in Scotland.—Reels and Highland +Schottische.—Is Dancing a Sin?—Dances of Antiquity.—There +is no Dancing now.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXII.</span></a>—The Wisdom of Scotland.—Proverbs.—Morals +in Words and Morals in Deeds.—Maxims.—The Scot +is a Judge of Human Nature.—Scotch and Norman Proverbs +compared.—Practical Interpretation of a Passage of the +Bible.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXIII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXIII.</span></a>—Massacre of the English Tongue.—Donald, +the Friend of France.—Scotch Anecdotes again.—Reason of +their Drollery.—Picturesque Dialect.—Dry Old Faces.—A +Scotch Chambermaid.—Oddly-placed Moustachios.—My +Chimney Smokes.—Sarcastic Spirit.—A good Chance of +entering Paradise thrown away.—Robbie Burns and the +Greenock Shopkeeper.<span class='pagenum'>v</span></p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXIV"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXIV.</span></a>—The Staff of Life in Scotland.—Money is +round and flat.—Cheap Restaurants.—Democratic Bill of +Fare.—Caution to the Public.—"Parritch!"—The Secret of +Scotland's Success.—The National Drink of Scotland.—Scotch +and Irish Whiskies.—Whisky a very slow Poison.—Dean +Ramsay's best Anecdote.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXV"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXV.</span></a>—Hors d'œuvre.—A Word to the Reader, and +another to the Critic.—A Man who has a right to be Proud.—Why?</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXVI"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXVI.</span></a>—Glasgow.—Origin of the Name.—Rapid +Growth of the City.—St. Mungo's Injunction to Donald.—James +Watt and the Clyde.—George Square.—Exhibition of +Sculpture in the open Air.—Royal Exchange.—Wellington +again.—Wanted an Umbrella.—The Cathedral.—How it was +saved by a Gardener.—The Streets.—Kelvingrove Park.—The +University.—The Streets at Night.—The Tartan Shawls +a Godsend.—The Populace.—Pity for the poor little Children.—Sunday +Lectures in Glasgow.—To the Station, and let us +be off.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXVII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXVII.</span></a>—Edinburgh.—Glasgow's Opinion thereof, +and <i>vice versâ</i>.—High Street.—The Old Town.—John Knox's +House.—The old Parliament House.—Holyrood Palace.—Mary +Stuart.—Arthur's Seat.—The University.—The Castle.—Princes +Street.—Two Greek Buildings.—The Statues.—Walter +Scott.—The inevitable Wellington again.—Calton +Hill.—The Athens of the North and the modern Parthenon.—Why +did not the Scotch buy the ancient Parthenon of the +modern Greeks?—Lord Elgin.—The Acropolis of Edinburgh.—Nelson +for a Change.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXVIII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXVIII.</span></a>—Where are the Scotch?—Something wanting +in the Landscape.—The Inhabitants.—The Highlanders +and the Servant Girls.—Evening in Princes Street.—Leith +and the Firth of Forth.—Rossend Castle at Burntisland.—Mary +Stuart once more.—I receive Scotch Hospitality in the +Bedroom where Chastelard was as enterprising as unfortunate.<span class='pagenum'>vi</span></p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXIX"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXIX.</span></a>—Aberdeen the Granite City.—No sign of +the Statue of "you know whom."—All Grey.—The Town +and its Suburbs.—Character of the Aberdonian.—Why +London could not give an Ovation to a Provost of Aberdeen.—Blue +Hill.—Aberdeen Society.—A thoughtful Caretaker.—To +this Aberdonian's Disappointment, I do not appear in +Tights before the Aberdeen Public.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXX"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXX.</span></a>—The Thistle.—"Nemo me impune lacessit."—"Honi +soit qui Mollet pince."—Political Aspirations of +the Scotch.—Signification of Liberalism in Scotland.—Self-Government +in the near Future.—Coercive Pills.—The Disunited +Kingdom.—The United Empire.</p> +</div> + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> + +<h5>PRINTING OFFICE OF THE PUBLISHER</h5> + + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 1]</span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<img src="images/i_004a.jpg" width="640" height="108" alt="Friend Mac Donald" title="Friend Mac Donald" /> +</div> + + + + + +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>A Word to Donald.—The Scotch Anecdote and its Character.—The +Scotch painted by Themselves.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 68px;"> +<img src="images/capa.jpg" width="68" height="80" alt="A" title="A" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">h! my dear Donald, what good stories you +told me in the few months that I had the +pleasure of passing with you! How you +stuffed and saturated me with them!</p> + +<p>And the English pretend that nobody laughs in +Scotland!</p> + +<p>Don't they though! and with the right sort of +laughter, too: a laugh that is frank, and full of +<i>finesse</i> and good-humour.</p> + +<p>You will be astonished, perhaps, that a three or +four months' sojourn in Scotland should permit me +to write a little volume on your dear country, and +you will, may be, accuse me of having visited you +with the idea of seeking two hundred pages for +the printer.</p> + +<p>You would be very wrong in your impression, if +you thought so.</p> + +<p>To tell the truth, I did not take a single note in +Scotland; but, on my return home, all those<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 2]</span> +delicious anecdotes came back to my memory, +and I could not resist the temptation of telling a +few of them to my compatriots.</p> + +<p>After all, Scotland is almost a closed letter to +the French; and I thought I might make myself +useful and agreeable in offering French readers a +picture of the manners and character of the +Caledonians.</p> + +<p>If, in order to be a success, a book of travels +must be full of the strange and the horrible, it is +all up with this one. But such is not the case; +and he who advanced this opinion calumniated the +public.</p> + +<p>I have as much right as anyone to contradict +such an assertion; for the public has been pleased +to give the kindest reception to my books on +England, and I certainly never had any other aim +or ambition than that of telling the truth according +to Horace's principle, <i>Ridentem dicere verum quid +vetat</i>?</p> + +<p>Scotland is perhaps the only country whose +anecdotes alone would suffice to give an exact +idea of her inhabitants.</p> + +<p>Irish anecdotes are exceedingly droll; but they +only tend to show the thoughtless side of the +Irish character. They are very amusing bulls; +but while they divert, they do not instruct.</p> + +<p>In Scotland, on the contrary, you find in the +anecdotes a picture of the Scotch manners and +character, as complete as it is faithful.</p> + +<p>The Scot has kept the characteristics of his<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 3]</span> +ancestors; but his manners have been toned +down, and the language he speaks is growing +more and more English: he is a changed man, +and, in good society, you might be puzzled to tell +him from an Englishman.</p> + +<p>This is not a compliment, for he has no desire to +pass for other than Scotch.</p> + +<p>Among those characteristics, there are two which +he has preserved intact to the present day: <i>finesse</i> +and matter-of-fact good-humour. You will find +these two traits in every grade of Scotch life—in +tradesman, mechanic, and peasant.</p> + +<p>This is why, setting aside the upper classes, the +Scotch differ essentially from the English.</p> + +<p>It is because of that good-humour that the Scot +is more communicative than the Englishman. He +knows his failings, and does not mind talking about +them; in fact, he will give you anecdotes to illustrate +them, and this because they are national, +and he loves to dwell on anything which reminds +him that Scotland is a nation.</p> + +<p>I might have entitled this volume, "The Scotch +painted by themselves," for I do but write down +what I saw and heard. I owe the scenes of life I +describe to the Scotch who enacted them before +me, and the anecdotes to those who were kind +enough to tell them to me.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 4]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Donald, a British subject, but no Englishman.—Opinion of +the greatest English Wit on the Scotch, and the worth of +that Opinion.—The Wit of Donald and the Wit of the +Cockney.—Intelligence and Intellectuality.—Donald's +Exterior.—Donald's Interior.—Help yourself and Heaven +will help you.—An Irish and a Scotch Servant facing +a Difficulty.—How a small Scotchman may make himself +useful in the Hour of Danger.—Characteristics.—Donald +on Train Journeys.—One Way of avoiding Tolls.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">n the eyes of the French, the Scot is a +British subject—in other words, an Englishman—dressed +in a Tam-o'-Shanter, a plaid, +and kilt of red and green tartan, and playing the +bagpipes; for the rest, speaking English, eating +roast beef, and swearing by the Bible.</p> + +<p>For that matter, many English people are pleased +to entertain the same illusions on the subject of +the dwellers in the north of Great Britain.</p> + +<p>Yet, never were two nations<a name="FNanchor_A_1" id="FNanchor_A_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_1" class="fnanchor">[A]</a> so near on the +map, and so far removed in their ways and character.</p> + +<p>The Scots English! Well, just advance that +opinion in the presence of one, and you will see +how it will be received.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 5]</span></p> + +<p>The Scotchman is a British subject; but if you +take him for an Englishman, he draws himself up, +and says:</p> + +<p>"No, Sir; I am not English. I am a Scotchman."</p> + +<p>He is Scotch, and he intends to remain Scotch. +He is proud of his nationality, and I quite understand +it.</p> + +<p>Of all the inhabitants of the more-or-less-United +Kingdom, Friend Donald is the most keen, +sturdy, matter-of-fact, persevering, industrious, +and witty.</p> + +<p>The most witty! Now I have said something.</p> + +<p>Yes, the most witty, with all due respect to the +shade of Sydney Smith.</p> + +<p>So little do the English know the Scotch, that +when I spoke to them of my intention to lecture +in Scotland, they laughed at me.</p> + +<p>"But don't you know, my dear fellow," they +exclaimed, "that it is only by means of a pickaxe +that you can get a joke into the skull of a Scotchman?"</p> + +<p>And the fact is, that since the day when Sydney +Smith, of jovial memory, pronounced his famous +dictum, that it required a surgical operation to +make a Scotchman understand a joke, poor Donald +has been powerless to prevent past and present +generations from repeating the phrase of the +celebrated wit.</p> + +<p>All in vain did Scotland produce Smollett, +Robert Burns, Walter Scott, and Thomas Carlyle,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 6]</span> +in the eyes of the English, the Scotchman has +remained the personification of slow-wittedness—a +poor fellow incapable of making much beyond +prayers and money, and the Londoner who has +never travelled—the poor Cockney who still firmly +believes that the French are feeble creatures, living +on snails and frogs—this Londoner, the most +stupid animal in the world (after the Paris <i>badaud</i>, +perhaps), goes about repeating to all who will listen +to such nonsense:</p> + +<p>"Dull and heavy as a Scotchman!"</p> + +<p>Give a few minutes' start to a hoax, and you +will never be able to overtake it.</p> + +<p>To tell the truth, the wit of, I will not say, an +Englishman, but a Cockney, is not within the reach +of the Scot. Jokes, play upon words, and bantering +are not in his line. A pun will floor him +completely; but I hope to be able to prove, by +means of a few anecdotes, that Donald has real +wit, and humour above all—humour of the light, +subtle kind, that would pass by a Cockney without +making the least impression.</p> + +<p>I do not wish to say that there is more intelligence +in Scotland than in England; but I can in +all security say there is more intellectuality.</p> + +<p>The Cockney must have his puns and small +jokes. On the stage, he delights in jigs; and to +really please him, the best of actors have to become +rivals of the mountebanks at a fair. A hornpipe +delights his heart. An actor who, for an +hour together, pretends not to be able to keep on<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 7]</span> +his hat, sends him into the seventh heaven of delight; +and I have seen the tenants of the stalls +applaud these things. Such performances make +the Scotch smile, but with pity. The Cockney! +When you have said that you have said everything: +it is a being who will find fault with the +opera of <i>Faust</i>, because up to the present time no +manager has given the Kermess scene the attraction +of an acrobat turning a wheel or standing on his +head.</p> + +<p>No, no; the Scotchman has no wit of this sort. +In the matter of wit, he is an epicure, and only +appreciates dainty food. A smart repartee will +tickle his sides agreeably; he understands <i>demi-mots</i>; +he is good-tempered, and can take a joke as +well as see through one. His quick-wittedness +and the subtlety of his character make him full of +quaint remarks and funny and unexpected comparisons. +He is a stranger to affectation—that +dangerous rock to the would-be wit; he is natural, +and is witty without trying to be a wit.</p> + +<p>Yes, Donald is witty; but he possesses more +solid qualities as well.</p> + +<p>We will make acquaintance with his intellectual +qualities presently.</p> + +<p>As to his exterior—look at him: he is as strong +as his own granite, and cut out for work.</p> + +<p>A head well planted on a pair of broad shoulders; +a strong-knit, sinewy frame; small, keen eyes; +iron muscles; a hand that almost crushes your +own as he shakes it; and large flat feet that only<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 8]</span> +advance cautiously and after having tried the +ground: such is Donald.</p> + +<p>Needless to say that he generally lives to a good +old age.</p> + +<p>I never knew a Christian so confident of going to +Paradise, or less eager to set out.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Why does the Scotchman succeed everywhere? +Why, in Australia, New Zealand, and all the other +British Colonies, do you find him landowner, +director of companies, at the head of enterprises +of all kinds? Again, why do you find in almost all +the factories of Great Britain that the foreman is +Scotch?</p> + +<p>Ah! it is very simple.</p> + +<p>Success is very rarely due to extraordinary circumstances, +or to chance, as the social failures are +fond of saying.</p> + +<p>The Scot is economical, frugal, matter-of-fact, +exact, thoroughly to be depended upon, persevering, +and hard-working.</p> + +<p>He is an early riser; when he earns but half-a-crown +a day, he puts by sixpence or a shilling; he +minds his own business, and does not meddle with +other people's.</p> + +<p>Add to these qualities the body that I was +speaking of—a body healthy, bony, robust, and +rendered impervious to fatigue by the practice of +every healthful exercise—and you will understand +why the Scotch succeed everywhere.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 9]</span></p> + +<p>His religion teaches him to trust in God, and to +rely upon his own resources—an eminently practical +religion, whose device is:</p> + +<p><i>Help yourself and Heaven will help you.</i></p> + +<p>If a Scotchman were wrecked near an outlandish +island in Oceania, I guarantee that you will find +him, a few years later, installed as a landed proprietor, +exacting rents and taxes from the natives.</p> + +<p>Where the English, the Irish especially, will +starve, the Scotch will exist; where the English +can exist, the Scotch will dine.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The following little scene, which took place in +my house, enlightened me very much as to why one +finds the Scotch farming their own land in the +colonies, while the Irish are doing labourers' work.</p> + +<p>I had an Irish cook, an honest woman if ever +there was one, faithful, and of a religion as sincere +as it was unpractical.</p> + +<p>The housemaid, a true-born Scotch girl, came +down one morning to find the poor cook on her +knees in the act of imploring Heaven to make her +fire burn.</p> + +<p>"But your wood is damp," she exclaimed; +"how can ye expect it to burn? Pray, if ye will, +but the Lord has a muckle to mind; and ye'd do +weel to pit your wood in the oven o' nights, instead +of bothering Him wi' such trifles."</p> + +<p>"It was faith, nevertheless," said a worthy lady, +to whom I told the matter.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 10]</span></p> + +<p>It was idleness, thought I, or very much like it.</p> + +<p>Doctor Norman Macleod tells how he was once +in a boat, on a Highland lake, when a storm came +on, which menaced him and his companions with +the most serious danger. The doctor, a tall, +strong man, had with him a Scotch minister, who +was small and delicate. The latter addressed himself +to the boatman, and, drawing his attention to +the danger they were in, proposed that they should +all pray.</p> + +<p>"Na, na," said the boatman; "let the little ane +gang to pray, but first the big ane maun tak' an +oar, or we shall be drouned."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Donald is the most practical man on earth.</p> + +<p>He is a man who takes life seriously, and whom +nothing will divert from the road that leads to the +goal.</p> + +<p>He is a man who monopolises all the good +places in this world and the next; who keeps the +Commandments, and everything else worth keeping; +who swears by the Bible—and as hard<a name="FNanchor_A_2" id="FNanchor_A_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_2" class="fnanchor">[B]</a> as +a Norman carter; who serves God every Sabbath +day and Mammon all the week; who has a talent +for keeping a great many things, it is true, but especially +his word, when he gives it you.</p> + +<p>He is not a man of brilliant qualities, but he is +a man of solid ones, who can only be appreciated +<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 11]</span> +at his true worth when you have known him some +time. He does not jump at you with demonstrations +of love, nor does he swear you an eternal +friendship; but if you know how to win his esteem, +you may rely upon him thoroughly.</p> + +<p>He is a man who pays prompt cash, but will +have the value of his money.</p> + +<p>If ever you travel with a Scotchman from Edinburgh +to London, you may observe that he does not +take his eyes off the country the train goes through. +He looks out of the window all the time, so as not +to miss a pennyworth of the money he has paid +for his place. Remark to him, as you yawn and +stretch yourself, that it's a long, tiring, tiresome +journey, and he will probably exclaim:</p> + +<p>"Long, indeed, long! I should think so, sir; +and so it ought to be for £2 17s. 6d.!"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I know of a Scot, who, rather than pay the toll +of a bridge in Australia, takes off his coat, which +he rolls and straps on his back, in order to swim +across the stream.</p> + +<p>He is not a miser; on the contrary, his generosity +is well known in his own neighbourhood. +He is simply an eccentric Scot, who does not see +why he should pay for crossing a river that he can +cross for nothing.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 12]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>All Scots know how to reckon.—Rabelais in Scotland.—How +Donald made two pence halfpenny by going to the Lock-up.—Difference +between buying and stealing.—Scotch +Honesty.—Last words of a Father to his Son.—Abraham +in Scotland.—How Donald outdid Jonathan.—Circumspection, +Insinuations, and Negations.—Delicious Declarations +of Love.—Laconism.—Conversation reduced to its +simplest Expression.—A, e, i, o, u.—A visit to Thomas +Carlyle.—The Silent Academy of Hamadan.—With the +Author's Compliments.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 68px;"> +<img src="images/capa.jpg" width="68" height="80" alt="A" title="A" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">ll the Scotch know how to read, write, +and reckon.</p> + +<p>Especially reckon.</p> + +<p>The following adventure happened but the +other day.</p> + +<p>A wily Caledonian, accused of having insulted a +policeman, was condemned by the Bailie of his +village to pay a fine of half-a-crown, with the +alternative of six days' imprisonment.</p> + +<p>As there are few Scots who have not half-a-crown +in their pockets, you will perhaps imagine +that Friend Donald paid the money, glad to get out +of the scrape so cheaply.</p> + +<p>Not at all: when you are born in Scotland, +you do not part with your cash without a little +reflection.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 13]</span></p> + +<p>So Donald reflected a moment.</p> + +<p>Will he pay or go to jail? His heart wavers.</p> + +<p>"I will go to jail," he exclaims, suddenly struck +with a luminous idea.</p> + +<p>Now the prison was in the chief town of his +county, and it so happened that he had a little +business to arrange there, but the railway fare was +two shillings and eight pence halfpenny.</p> + +<p>He passes the night in the lock-up, and in the +morning is taken off by train to the prison.</p> + +<p>Once safely there, Donald pulls half-a-crown +from his purse, and demands a receipt of the +governor, who has no choice but to give it him +and set him at liberty. Our hero, proud as a king +at the success of his plan, and the two pence halfpenny +clear profit it has brought him, steers for +the town and arranges his business.</p> + +<p>Rabelais was not more cunning when he +hit upon his stratagem for getting carried to +Paris.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Scotch themselves are fond of telling the +following:</p> + +<p>Dugald—"Did ye hear that Sandy McNab was +ta'en up for stealin' a coo?"</p> + +<p>Donald—"Hoot, toot, the stipit body! Could +he no bocht it, and no paid for 't."</p> + +<p>This explains why the Scotch prisons are relatively +empty. Donald is often in the county court, +but seldom in the police-court.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 14]</span></p> + +<p>A good Scot begins the day with the following +prayer:</p> + +<p>"O Lord! grant that I may take no one in this +day, and that no one may take me in. If Thou +canst grant me but one of these favours, O Lord, +grant that no one may take me in."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>He would be a clever fellow, however, who +could take in Donald.</p> + +<p>There is no country where compacts are more +faithfully kept than in Scotland. When you have +the signature of a Scotchman in your pocket, you +may make your mind easy; but, if you sign an +agreement with him, you may be certain that he +runs no risk of repenting of the transaction.</p> + +<p>He is rarely at fault in his reckoning; but if, by +chance, an error escapes him, it is not he who +suffers by it.</p> + +<p>I must hasten, however, to say that the honesty +of the Scotch in England is proverbial. I have +always heard the English say they liked doing +business with Scotch firms, because they had the +very qualities desirable in a customer: straight-forwardness +and solvency.</p> + +<p>Donald's honesty is all the more admirable, +because he is firmly convinced in his heart, that +he will go straight to Paradise whatever he may +do. You will confess that there is danger about a +Christian who feels sure that many things shall be +forgiven him.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 15]</span></p> + +<p>Perhaps his honesty may be the result of reflection, +if the following little anecdote that was told +me in Scotland is any criterion:</p> + +<p>A worthy father, feeling death at hand, sends +for his son to hear his last counsels.</p> + +<p>"Donald," he says to him, "listen to the last +words of your old father. If you want to get on in +the world, be honest. Never forget that, in all +business, honesty is the best policy. You may +take my word for it, my son,—<i>I hae tried baith</i>."</p> + +<p>This worthy Scot deserved an epitaph in the +style of that one which the late Count Beust +speaks of having seen on a tombstone at Highclere:</p> + +<p>"Here lies Donald, who was as honest a man as +it is possible to be in this world."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Jews never got a footing in Scotland: they +would have starved there.</p> + +<p>They came; but they saw ... and gave it up.</p> + +<p>You may find one or two in Glasgow, but they +are in partnership with Scotchmen, and do not +form a band apart. They do not do much local +business: they are exporters and importers.</p> + +<p>The Aberdonians tell of a Jew who once came +to their city and set up in business; but it was not +long before he packed up his traps and decamped +from that centre of Scotch 'cuteness.</p> + +<p>"Why are you going?" they asked him. "Is it +because there are no Jews in Aberdeen?"<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 16]</span></p> + +<p>"Oh, no," he replied; "I am going because +you are all Jews here."</p> + +<p>An American was so ill-inspired as to try his +hand there where even a Jew had been beaten.</p> + +<p>The good folk of Aberdeen are very proud of +telling the following anecdote, which dates from +only a few months back, and was in everyone's +mouth at the time of my visit to the city of +granite:</p> + +<p>An American lecturer had signed an agreement +with an Aberdonian, by which he undertook to go +and lecture in Aberdeen for a fee of twenty pounds.</p> + +<p>Dazzled by the success of his lectures, which +were drawing full houses in all parts of England, +the American bethought himself that he might have +made better terms with Donald. Acting on this +idea, he soon sent him a telegram, running thus:</p> + +<p>"Enormous success. Invitations numerous. +Cannot do Aberdeen for less than thirty pounds. +Reply prepaid."</p> + +<p>The Scot was not born to be taken in.</p> + +<p>On the contrary.</p> + +<p>Donald, armed with the treaty in his pocket, +goes calmly to the telegraph office and wires:</p> + +<p>"All right. Come on."</p> + +<p>Jonathan, encouraged by the success of this first +venture, rubs his hands, and, two days later, sends +a second telegram, as follows:</p> + +<p>"Invitations more and more numerous. Impossible +to do Aberdeen for less than forty +pounds."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 17]</span></p> + +<p>Donald thinks the thing very natural, and laughs +in his sleeve. He bids the messenger wait, and +without hesitation he scribbles:</p> + +<p>"All right. Come on."</p> + +<p>Jonathan doubtless rubbed his hands harder +than ever, and might have been very surprised +if he had been told that Donald was rubbing +his too.</p> + +<p>However, he arrived in Aberdeen radiant, gave +his lecture, and at the end was presented by +Donald with a cheque for twenty pounds.</p> + +<p>"Twenty pounds—but it is forty pounds you +owe me!"</p> + +<p>"You make a mistake," replied Donald, quietly: +"here is our treaty, signed and registered."</p> + +<p>"But I sent you a telegram to tell you that +I could not possibly come for less than forty +pounds."</p> + +<p>"Quite so," replied Donald, unmoved.</p> + +<p>"And you answered—'All right. Come on.'"</p> + +<p>"That is true."</p> + +<p>"Well then?"</p> + +<p>"Well, my dear sir, it is all right: you have +come—now, you may go."</p> + +<p>Like the crow in La Fontaine's fable, Jonathan +registered a vow ... but a little late.</p> + +<p>"Ah!" cried the Aberdonian who told me the +story, "Jonathan will not go back to America to +tell his compatriots that he took in a Scotchman." +And his eyes gleamed with national pride as he +added: "It was no harm to try."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 18]</span></p> + +<p>He considered the conduct of the American +quite natural, it was clear.</p> + +<p>As for me, I thought that "All right—come on," +a magnificent example of Scotch diplomacy and +humour.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Donald has a still cooler head than his neighbour +John Bull, and that is saying a good deal. +In business, in love even, he never loses his head. +He is circumspect. He proceeds by insinuations, +still oftener by negations, and that even in the +most trifling matters. He does not commit himself: +he <i>doubts</i>, he goes as far as to <i>believe</i>; but he +will never push temerity so far as to be <i>perfectly +sure</i>. Ask a Scotchman how he is. He will +never reply that he is well, but that he is <i>no +bad ava</i>.</p> + +<p>I heard a Scotchman tell the butler to fill his +guests' glasses in the following words:</p> + +<p>"John, if you were to fill our glasses, we wadna +be the waur for 't."</p> + +<p>Remark to a Highlander that the weather is +very warm, and he will reply:</p> + +<p>"I don't doubt but it may be; but that's your +opinion."</p> + +<p>This manner of expressing themselves in hints +and negations must have greatly sharpened the +wits of the Scotch.</p> + +<p>Here, for instance, is a delicious way of making +a young girl understand that you love her, and<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 19]</span> +wish to marry her. I borrow it from Dr. Ramsay's +<i>Reminiscences</i>.</p> + +<p>Donald proposes to Mary a little walk.</p> + +<p>They go out, and in their ramble they pass +through the churchyard.</p> + +<p>Pointing with his finger to one of the graves, +this lover says:</p> + +<p>"My folk lie there, Mary; wad ye like to lie +there?"</p> + +<p>Mary took the grave hint, says the Doctor, and +became his wife, but does not yet <i>lie there</i>.</p> + +<p>Much in the same vein is an anecdote that +was told me in an Edinburgh house one day at +dessert:</p> + +<p>Jamie and Janet have long loved each other, +but neither has spoken word to the other of this +flame.</p> + +<p>At last Donald one day makes up his mind to +break the ice.</p> + +<p>"Janet," he says, "it must be verra sad to lie on +your death bed and hae no ane to houd your han' +in your last moments?"</p> + +<p>"That is what I often say to mysel, Jamie. It +must be a pleasant thing to feel that a frien's +han' is there to close your ee when a' is ower."</p> + +<p>"Ay, ay, Janet; and that is what mak's me +sometimes think o' marriage. After all, we war +na made to live alone."</p> + +<p>"For my pairt, I am no thinkin' o' matrimony. +But still, the thoucht of livin' wi' a mon that I +could care for is no disagreeable to me," says<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 20]</span> +Janet. "Unfortunately, I have not come across +him yet."</p> + +<p>"I believe I hae met wi' the woman I loe," responds +Jamie; "but I dinna ken whether she lo'es +me."</p> + +<p>"Why dinna ye ask her, Jamie?"</p> + +<p>"Janet," says Jamie, without accompanying his +words with the slightest chalorous movement, +"wad ye be that woman I was speakin' of?"</p> + +<p>"If I died before you, Jamie, I wad like your +han' to close my een."</p> + +<p>The engagement was completed with a kiss to +seal the compact.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Scot, in his quality of a man of action, +talks little; all the less, perhaps, because he knows +that he will have to give an account of every idle +word in the Last Day.</p> + +<p>He has reduced conversation to its simplest +expression. Sometimes even he will restrain himself, +much to the despair of foreigners, so far as to +only pronounce the accentuated syllable of each +word. What do I say? The syllable? He will +often sound but the vowel of that syllable.</p> + +<p>Here is a specimen of Scotch conversation, +given by Dr. Ramsay:</p> + +<p>A Scot, feeling the warp of a plaid hanging at a +tailor's door, enquires:</p> + +<p>"Oo?" (Wool?)</p> + +<p><i>Shopkeeper</i>—"Ay, oo." (Yes, wool.)<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 21]</span></p> + +<p><i>Customer</i>—"A' oo?" (All wool?)</p> + +<p><i>Shopkeeper</i>—"Ay, a' oo." (Yes, all wool.)</p> + +<p><i>Customer</i>—"A' ae oo?" (All one wool?)</p> + +<p><i>Shopkeeper</i>—"Ay, a' ae oo." (Yes, all one wool.)</p> + +<p>These are two who will not have much to fear +on the Day of Judgment—eh?"</p> + +<p>You may, perhaps, imagine that laconism could +no further go.</p> + +<p>But you are mistaken; I have something better +still to give you.</p> + +<p>Alfred Tennyson at one time often paid a visit +to Thomas Carlyle at Chelsea.</p> + +<p>On one of those occasions, these two great men, +having gone to Carlyle's library to have a quiet +chat together, seated themselves one on each side +of the fireplace, and lit their pipes.</p> + +<p>And there for two hours they sat, plunged in +profound meditation, the silence being unbroken +save for the little dry regular sound that the lips +of the smokers made as they sent puffs of smoke +soaring to the ceiling. Not one single word broke +the silence.</p> + +<p>After two hours of this strange converse between +two great souls that understood each other without +speech, Tennyson rose to take leave of his +host. Carlyle went with him to the door, and +then, grasping his hand, uttered these words:</p> + +<p>"Eh, Alfred, we've had a grand nicht! Come +back again soon."</p> + +<p>If Thomas Carlyle had lived at Hamadan, he +would have been worthy to fill the first seat in the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 22]</span> +Silent Academy, the chief statute of which was, as +you may remember, worded thus:</p> + +<p>"The Academicians must think much, write +little, and speak as seldom as possible."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Another Scot very worthy of a place in the +Silent Academy was the late Christopher North.</p> + +<p>A professor of the Edinburgh University, having +asked him for the hand of his daughter Jane, +Christopher North fixed a small ticket to Miss +Jane's chest, and announced his decision by thus +presenting the young lady to the professor, who +read with glad eyes:</p> + +<p>"With the Author's compliments."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>The traditional Hospitality of the Highlands.—One more +fond Belief gone.—Highland Bills.—Donald's Two +Trinities.—Never trust Donald on Saturdays or Mondays.—The +Game he prefers.—A well-informed Man.—Ask +no Questions and you will be told no Tales.—How +Donald showed prodigious Things to a Cockney in the +Highlands.—There is no Man so dumb as he who will +not be heard.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 50px;"> +<img src="images/cape.jpg" width="50" height="80" alt="A" title="A" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">ver since the French first heard Boïeldieu's +opera, <i>La Dame Blanche</i>, and were charmed +with the chorus, "Chez les montagnards +écossais l'hospitalité se donne," the Highlander<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 23]</span> +has enjoyed a tremendous reputation for hospitality +on the other side of the Channel.</p> + +<p>I am ready to acknowledge that the Scotch, as +a nation, are most hospitable; but do not talk to +me of the hospitality of the Highlander.</p> + +<p>The hospitality of the mountains, like that of +the valleys, is extinct in almost every place where +modern civilisation has penetrated; the real old-fashioned +article is scarcely to be found except +among the savages.</p> + +<p>Donald has made the acquaintance of railways +and mail coaches, he has transformed his Highlands +into a kind of little Switzerland; in fact, +the man is no longer recognisable.</p> + +<p>The Highlander of the year of grace 1887 is a +wideawake dog, who lies in wait for the innocent +tourist, and knows how to tot you up a bill worthy +of a Parisian boarding-house keeper at Exhibition +time. Woe to you if you fall into his clutches; +before you come out of them you will be plucked, +veritably flayed.</p> + +<p>The Highlander worships two trinities: the +holy one on Sundays, and a metallic one all the +week. £. s. d. is the base of his language. Though +Gaelic should be the veriest Hebrew to you, you +have but to learn the meaning and pronunciation +of the three magic words, and you will have no +difficulty in getting along in the Highlands.</p> + +<p>Every Sabbath he goes in for a thorough spiritual +cleaning; therefore trust him not on Saturday +or Monday—on Saturday, because he says to him<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 24]</span>self, +"Oh! one transgression more or less whilst +I am at it, what does it matter? it is Sunday +to-morrow;" on Monday, because he is all fresh +washed, and ready to begin the week worthily.</p> + +<p>He has a way of giving you your change which +seems to say, "Is it the full change you expect?" +If you keep your hand held out, and appear to +examine what he gives you, his look says: "You +are one of the wideawake sort; we understand +each other."</p> + +<p>Needless to say that the Highlander is glad +to see the tourist, as the hunter is glad to see +game.</p> + +<p>Frenchmen, Germans, Russians, Englishmen, +Americans, all are sure of a welcome—he loves +them all alike.</p> + +<p>Still, perhaps of all the foreign tourists who +visit his hunting-grounds, it is the Americans who +have found the royal road to his heart.</p> + +<p>"The Americans are a great people," said a +Highland innkeeper to me one day. "When you +present an Englishman with his bill, he looks it +over to see that it is all right. He will often dispute +and haggle. The American is a gentleman; +he would think it beneath him to descend to such +trifles. When you bring him his account, he will +wave your hand away and tell you he does not +want your bill; he wants to know how much he +owes you, and that's the end of it."</p> + +<p>His idea of a perfect gentleman is an innocent +who pays his bills without looking at them.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 25]</span></p> + +<p>When he recognises a tourist as a compatriot, +you may imagine what a wry face he makes.</p> + +<p>Just as the hotel-keeper of Interlaken or Chamounix +relegates all his Swiss customers to the +fifth floor rooms, so Donald gives the cold shoulder +to all the Scotch who come his way. With them +he is obliged to submit his bills to the elementary +rules of arithmetic, and be careful that two and +two make only four.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It is said that of all the inhabitants of the earth, +the Paris <i>badaud</i> is the most easy to amuse. I +think, for my part, that his London equivalent +runs him very close. However this may be, the +native of London is an easy prey to the wily Scot.</p> + +<p>They are fond of telling, in Scotland, how +friend Donald one day showed a Cockney really +prodigious things in the Isle of Arran.</p> + +<p>A Londoner, wishing to astonish his friends +with the account of his adventures in Scotland, +resolved to make the ascent of the Goatfell +without the aid of a guide. Arrived at the foot +of the mountain, he informed the guides, who +came to offer him their services, of his intention. +You may imagine if Donald, who had sniffed a +good day's work, meant to give up his bread and +butter without a struggle.</p> + +<p>"Your project is a mad one," our tourist is told. +"You will miss many splendid points of view, and +you will run a thousand risks."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 26]</span></p> + +<p>The ascension of the Goatfell is about as difficult +as that of the Monument; but our hero, who +knew nothing about it, began to turn pale.</p> + +<p>However, he appeared determined to keep to +his resolution; and Donald, who considers he is +being robbed every time anyone climbs his hills +without a guide, begins to grumble.</p> + +<p>Besides, when one is a Highlander, one does +not give up a point so easily as all that. Our +Caledonian resorts to diplomacy. A brilliant idea +occurs to him.</p> + +<p>"Since you will not have a guide," says he, +pretending to withdraw, "good luck to you on +your journey! Mind you don't miss the mysterious +stone."</p> + +<p>"What mysterious stone?" demands the +Cockney.</p> + +<p>"Oh, on the top of the Goatfell," replies +Donald, "there is a stone that might well be +called <i>enchanted</i>. When you stand upon that +stone, no sound, no matter how close or how +loud, can reach your ears."</p> + +<p>"Really?" says the tourist, gaping.</p> + +<p>"A thunderstorm might burst just above your +head, and you would never hear it," added Donald, +who saw that his bait was beginning to take.</p> + +<p>"Prodigious!" cried the Londoner. "How +shall I know the stone? Do tell me."</p> + +<p>"Not easily," insinuated Donald slyly; "it is +scarcely known except to guides. However, I +will try to describe its position to you."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 27]</span></p> + +<p>Here the Scot entered into explanations which +threw the Cockney's brain into a complete muddle.</p> + +<p>"I had better take you, after all, I think," said +the bewildered tourist. "Come along."</p> + +<p>I need not tell you that they were soon at the +wonderful stone.</p> + +<p>The Londoner took up his position on it, and +begged the guide to stand a few steps off and to +shout at the top of his voice.</p> + +<p>Out Scot fell to making all sorts of contortions, +placing his hands to his mouth as if to carry the +sound; but not a murmur reached the ears of the +tourist.</p> + +<p>"Take a rest," he said to Donald; "you will +make yourself hoarse.... It is a fact that I +have not heard a sound. It is prodigious! Now +you go and stand on the stone, and I will shout."</p> + +<p>They changed places.</p> + +<p>The Cockney began to rave with all his might.</p> + +<p>Donald did not move a muscle.</p> + +<p>The dear Londoner made the hills ring with +the sound of his voice, but his guide gazed at him +as calmly as Nature that surrounded them.</p> + +<p>"Don't you hear anything?" cried the poor +tourist.</p> + +<p>Donald was not so silly as to fall into the trap. +He feigned not to hear, and kept up his impassive +expression.</p> + +<p>The Cockney continued to howl.</p> + +<p>"Shout louder," cried Donald; "I can hear +nothing."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 28]</span></p> + +<p>"It's wonderful; it is enough to take one's +breath away. I never saw anything so remarkable +in my life!"</p> + +<p>And putting his hand in his pocket, he drew +out a golden coin, and slipped it into Donald's +hand.</p> + +<p>This done, they left the marvel behind, and +climbed to the summit of the Goatfell, the clever +guide carefully picking out all the roughest paths, +and doing his best to give his patient plenty of +dangers for his money.</p> + +<p>That night, after having made a note of all his +day's adventures, the proud tourist added, as a +future caution to his friends:</p> + +<p>"Be sure and take a guide for the Goatfell!"</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Resemblance of Donald to the Norman.—Donald marketing.—Bearding +a Barber.—Norman Replies.—Cant.—Why +the Whisky was not marked on the Hotel Bill.—New +Use for the Old and New Testaments.—You should love +your Enemies and not swallow them.—A modest Wish.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 62px;"> +<img src="images/capf.jpg" width="62" height="80" alt="F" title="F" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">riend Donald resembles the Norman +very closely.</p> + +<p>Like him, he is cunning and circumspect, +with the composed exterior of Puss taking +a doze.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 29]</span></p> + +<p>We say in France, "Answering like a Norman." +That means, "to give an evasive, ambiguous +answer—neither <i>yes</i> nor <i>no</i>."</p> + +<p>They might say in England, "Answering like a +Scot," to express the same idea.</p> + +<p>Look at Donald, with the corners of his mouth +drawn back, and his eyes twinkling as he nods at +you and answers <i>Ay</i>, or shakes his head as he says +<i>Na</i>, <i>na</i>; and you will be convinced that he is compromised +neither by the one nor the other.</p> + +<p>At market the resemblance is perfect.</p> + +<p>He strolls into the stall as if he did not want +anything more than a look round. He examines +the goods with a most indifferent eye, turns them +over and over, and finds fault with them. He +seems to say to the stall-keeper:</p> + +<p>"You certainly could not have the impudence +to ask a good price for such stuff as this."</p> + +<p>If he buys, he pays with a protest.</p> + +<p>When he pockets cash, on the contrary, admire +the rapidity of the proceeding.</p> + +<p>I one day heard a Norman, who had just been +profiting by being in town on market-day to get +shaved, say to the barber, with the most innocent +air in the world:</p> + +<p>"My word, I'm very sorry not to have a penny +to give you, but my wife and I have spent all our +money; I have only a halfpenny left.... I will +owe you till next time."</p> + +<p>Compare this Norman with the hero of the +following little anecdote which the Scotch tell.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 30]</span></p> + +<p>A Scot, who sold brooms, went into a Glasgow +barber's shop to get shaved.</p> + +<p>The barber bought a broom of Donald, and, +after having shaved him, asked what he owed him +for the broom.</p> + +<p>"Two pence," said Donald.</p> + +<p>"No, no," said the barber; "it's too dear. I will +give you a penny, and if you are not satisfied, you +can take your broom again."</p> + +<p>Donald pocketed the penny, and asked what he +had to pay for being shaved.</p> + +<p>"A penny," replied the barber.</p> + +<p>"Na, na," said Donald; "I will give ye a +bawbee, an' if ye are no satisfied, ye can pit my +beard back again."</p> + +<p>This is Norman to the life.</p> + +<p>The Scot pays when he has given his signature, +or when there is no help for it.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It has been said that the farthing was introduced +to allow the Scotch to be generous. This +is calumny; for the Scot is charitable: but if +collections in Scotch churches were made in bags, +there might be rather a run on the small copper +coin.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>If you would see still another point of resemblance +between the Scot and the Norman, +look at them as they indulge in their little pet +transgression.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 31]</span></p> + +<p>When Donald orders his glass of whisky, he is +always careful to say:</p> + +<p>"Waiter, a <i>small</i> whisky."</p> + +<p>The Irishman asks for a "strong whisky," +straight out, like a man.</p> + +<p>Donald is modest, he asks for his <i>small</i>. That +is the allowance of sober folks, and the dear fellow +is one of them. But just add up at the end of the +evening the number of <i>wee draps</i> that he has on +his conscience, and you will find they make a very +respectable total.</p> + +<p>Now look at the Norman taking his cups of <i>café +tricolore</i> after dinner.</p> + +<p>Do not imagine that he is going to take up the +three bottles of brandy, rum, and kirschwasser, +and pour himself out some of their contents. +No, no; he would be too much afraid of exceeding +the dose. He measures it into his spoon, which +he holds horizontally; and, to see the precautions +he takes, you would think he was a chemist preparing +a doctor's prescription.</p> + +<p>"A teaspoonful of each," he says to you; "that +is my quantity."</p> + +<p>But how they brim over, those spoonfuls! +When the overflow has fallen into the cup, he +shows you the full spoon, with the remark:</p> + +<p>"One of each kind, no more."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Scotch shrewdness expresses itself in a phraseology +all its own, and of which Donald alone<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 32]</span> +possesses the secret. He handles the English +language with the talent of the most wily +diplomatist. He has a happy knack of combining +irony and humour, as the following story shows:</p> + +<p>An English author had sent his latest production +to several men of letters, requesting them to kindly +give him their opinion of his book. A Scotchman +replied:</p> + +<p>"Many thanks for the book which you did me +the honour to send me. I will lose no time in +reading it."</p> + +<p>Quite a Norman response, only more delicate.</p> + +<p>Scotch shrewdness has occasionally a certain +smack of mild hypocrisy, which, however, does +no harm to anyone.</p> + +<p>Here are two examples of it that rather +diverted me:</p> + +<p>I was in the smoking-room of the Grand Hotel +at Glasgow one evening.</p> + +<p>Near me, sitting at a little table, were two +gentlemen—unmistakably Scotch, as their accent +proclaimed.</p> + +<p>One of them calls the waiter, and orders a glass +of whisky.</p> + +<p>"What is the number of your room, sir?" asks +the waiter, having put the whisky and water-jug +on the table.</p> + +<p>"No matter, waiter; don't put it on the bill. +Here is the money."</p> + +<p>"Very clever, that Caledonian," said I to +myself, as I noted the wink to the waiter and<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 33]</span> +the glance thrown to the other occupant of the +table.</p> + +<p>True it is, <i>Scripta manent</i>!</p> + +<p>If his wife accidentally puts her hand on his +hotel bill in the pocket of his coat, there is no +harm done—no sign of any but the most innocent +articles.</p> + +<p>Another time I was in a Scotchman's library.</p> + +<p>While waiting for my host, who was to rejoin +me there, I had a look at his books, most of which +treated of theology.</p> + +<p>Two volumes, admirably bound, attracted my +gaze. They were marked on the back—one, <i>Old +Testament</i>, the other, <i>New Testament</i>. I tried to take +down the first volume; but, to my surprise, the +second moved with it. Were the two volumes +fixed together? or were they stuck by accident? +Not suspecting any mystery, I pulled hard. The +Old Testament and the New Testament were in +one, and came together. The handsome binding +was nothing but the cover of a box of cigars. +No more Testament than there is on the palm +of my hand: cigars—first-rate cigars—nothing +but cigars, placed there under the protection of the +holy patriarchs.</p> + +<p>I had time to put all in place again before my +host came; but I was not at my ease. I was quite +innocent, of course; but—I don't know why—when +one has discovered a secret, one feels +guilty of having taken something that belongs to +another.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 34]</span></p> + +<p>At last my host entered, closed the door, and, +rubbing his hands, said:</p> + +<p>"Now I am at your service. Excuse me for +leaving you alone a few moments. I have settled +my business, and we will have a cigar together, if +you like."</p> + +<p>So saying, he opened the door of a small cupboard +made in the wall, and cleverly hidden by a +picture of "John Knox imploring Mary Stuart to +abjure the Catholic faith." It was, as you see, +rather a mysterious library. From this cupboard +he took some glasses—and something to fill +them agreeably withal. Then, without betraying +the slightest embarrassment, without a smile +or a glance, he brought the twin volumes which +had so astonished me, and laid them on the +table. I had the pleasure of making closer +acquaintance with the cigars, that seemed to +bring a recommendation from Moses and the +prophets.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>An anecdote on the ready wit of Donald:</p> + +<p>He meets his pastor, who remonstrates with +him upon the subject of his intemperate habits.</p> + +<p>"You are too fond of whisky, Donald; you +ought to know very well that whisky is your +enemy."</p> + +<p>"But, minister, have you not often told us that +we ought to love our enemies?" says Donald, +slyly.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 35]</span></p> + +<p>"Yes, Donald; but I never told you that you +should swallow them," replies the pastor, who was +as witty as his parishioner.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>What anecdotes I heard in Scotland on the +subject of whisky, to be sure!</p> + +<p>Here is a good one for the last. I owe it to a +learned professor of the Aberdeen University.</p> + +<p>Donald feels the approach of death.</p> + +<p>The minister of his village is at his bedside, +preparing him by pious exhortations for the great +journey.</p> + +<p>"Have you anything on your mind, Donald? +Is there any question you would like to ask me?" +And the minister bent down to listen to the dying +man's reply.</p> + +<p>"Na, meenister, I'm na afeard.... I +wad like to ken whether there'll be whisky in +heaven?"</p> + +<p>Upon his spiritual counsellor remonstrating with +him upon such a thought at such a moment, he +hastened to add, with a knowing look:</p> + +<p>"Oh! it's no that I mind, meenister; I only +thoucht I'd like to see it on the table!"<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 36]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Democratic Spirit in Scotland.—One Scot as good as +another.—Amiable Beggars.—Familiarity of Servants.—Shout +all together!—A Scotchman who does +not admire his Wife.—Donald's Pride.—The Queen and +her Scotch People.—Little Presents keep alive Friendship.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 70px;"> +<img src="images/capt.jpg" width="70" height="80" alt="T" title="T" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">he Scotch are an essentially democratic +people. I take the word in its social, not +its political, sense; although it might be +asserted without hesitation, that if ever there was +a nation formed for living under a republic, it is +the Scotch—serious, calm, wise, law-abiding, and +ever ready to respect the opinions of others. Yet +the Scotch are perhaps the most devoted subjects +of the English crown.</p> + +<p>The English and Scotch are republicans, with +democratic institutions, living under a monarchy.</p> + +<p>When I say that the Scotch are a democratic +people, I mean that in Scotland, still more than in +England, one man is as good as another.</p> + +<p>The Scot does not admit the existence of demigods. +In his eyes, the robes of the priest or judge +cover a man, not an oracle.</p> + +<p>Always ready for a bit of argument, he criticises +an order, a sermon, a verdict even.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 37]</span></p> + +<p>Religious as he is, yet he will weigh every +utterance of his pastor before accepting it. He +respects the law; but if his bailie inflicts on him a +fine that he thinks unjust, he does not scruple to +tell him a piece of his mind; and if ever you wish +to be told your daily duty at home, you have but +to engage a Scotch servant.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Donald knows how to accept social inferiority; +he may perhaps envy his betters, but he does not +hate them. He never abdicates his manhood's +dignity: an obsequious Scotchman is unknown.</p> + +<p>In Scotland, even a beggar has none of those +abject manners that denote his class elsewhere. +His look seems to say:—</p> + +<p>"Come, my fine fellow, listen to me a minute: +you have money and I have none; you might give +me a penny."</p> + +<p>I remember one in Edinburgh, who stopped +me politely, yet without touching his cap, and +said:</p> + +<p>"You look as if you had had a good dinner, +sir; won't you give me something to buy a meal +with?"</p> + +<p>I took him to a cook-shop and bought him a +pork pie.</p> + +<p>"If you don't mind," said he, "I'll have veal."</p> + +<p>Why certainly! everyone to his taste, to be sure.</p> + +<p>I acquiesced with alacrity. He was near shaking +hands with me.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 38]</span></p> + +<p>Donald is plain spoken with everyone. In +Scotland, as in France, there are still to be found +old servants whose familiarity would horrify an +Englishman, but whom the <i>bonhomie</i> of Scotch +masters tolerates without a murmur, in consideration +of the fidelity and devotion of these honest +servants.</p> + +<p>Like every man who is conscious of his strength, +the Scot is good-humoured; he rarely loses his +temper.</p> + +<p>The familiarity of the servant and good-humour +of the master, in Scotland, are delightfully illustrated +in the two following anecdotes, which were +told me in Scotland.</p> + +<p>Donald is serving at table. Several guests +claim his attention at once: one wants bread, +another wine, another vegetables. Donald does +not know which way to turn. Presently, losing +patience, he apostrophises the company thus:</p> + +<p>"That's it; cry a'together—that's the way to be +served!"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>A laird, in the county of Aberdeen, had a well-stocked +fowl yard, but could never get any new-laid +eggs for breakfast.</p> + +<p>He wanted to penetrate the mystery. So he +lay in ambush, and discovered that his gardener's +wife went to the hen-roost every morning, filled +her basket with the eggs, and made straight for +the market to sell them.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 39]</span></p> + +<p>The first time he met his gardener, he said to +him:</p> + +<p>"James, I like you very weel, for I think you +serve me faithfully; but, between oursels, I canna +say that I hae muckle admiration for your wife."</p> + +<p>"I'm no surprised at that, laird," replied James, +"for I dinna muckle admire her mysel!"</p> + +<p>What could the poor laird say? This fresh +union of sympathies united them only more closely.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"Proud as a Highlander" is a common saying. +His gait tells you what he is. He walks with +head thrown back, and shoulders squared; his +step is firm and springy. It is a man who says to +himself twenty times a day:</p> + +<p>"I am a Scotchman."</p> + +<p>Such an exalted opinion has he of his race that +when Queen Victoria gave Princess Louise to the +Marquis of Lorne in marriage, the general feeling +in the Highlands was, as everybody knows, "The +Queen maun be a prood leddy the day!"</p> + +<p>The English were astonished at the Queen's +consenting to give her daughter to one of her +subjects. They looked upon it as a <i>mésalliance</i>. +The Scotch were not far from doing the same—a +Campbell marry a simple Brunswick!</p> + +<p>It is in the Highlands that this national pride is +preserved intact. Mountainous countries always +keep their characteristics longer than others.</p> + +<p>Everyone knows that the Queen of England<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 40]</span> +passes a great part of the year in her Castle of +Balmoral, in the heart of the Highlands, among +her worthy Scotch people, whom she appears to +prefer to all her other subjects. She visits the +humblest cottages, and sends delicacies to the +sick and aged.</p> + +<p>The good folk do not accept the bounty of their +Queen without making her a return for it in +kind. Yes—in kind. The women knit her a pair +of stockings or a shawl, and the Queen delights +them by accepting their presents.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Scottish Perseverance.—Thomas Carlyle, David Livingstone, +and General Gordon.—Literary Exploits of a Scotchman.—Scottish Students.—All +the Students study.—A +useful Library.—A Family of three.—Coming, sir, +coming!—Killed in Action.—Scotchmen at Oxford.—Balliol +College.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">t is not in business alone that the Scotchman +shows that obstinate perseverance which so +characterises his nation. Thomas Carlyle +would have passed a whole year searching out the +exact date of the most insignificant incident. +That is why his <i>Frederick the Great</i> is the finest +historical monument of the century.</p> + +<p>It is this same Scotch perseverance which makes +Watts, Livingstones, and Gordons. Never were<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 41]</span> +there brighter illustrations of what can be done +by power of mind united to power of endurance.</p> + +<p>I have seen them at work, those resolute, indomitable +Scots. I have known some whose +performances were nothing short of feats of valour.</p> + +<p>Here is one that I have fresh in my memory.</p> + +<p>A young Scotchman, on leaving Oxford, had +been appointed master in one of the great public +schools of England. He began with the elementary +classes. At that time he intended to devote +himself to the study of science.</p> + +<p>He told the head master of his intention, and +asked his advice.</p> + +<p>"If I were you," said the head master, "I would +do nothing of the kind. I feel sure you have very +special aptitude for Greek, and that if you will +but direct your attention to that, you have a +brilliant future before you. Let me trace you out +a programme?"</p> + +<p>This programme was enough to frighten the +most enterprising of men. A Scotchman alone +could undertake to carry it out.</p> + +<p>Our young master accepted the task.</p> + +<p>He took an apartment in the Temple, turned +his back on his friends, and became an inaccessible +hermit.</p> + +<p>For three years he lived only for his books, +consecrating to them that which, at his age, is +generally consecrated to pleasure and comfort.</p> + +<p>Nothing could turn him from the end he had in +view.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 42]</span></p> + +<p>One after another he read all the Greek authors. +Nothing that had been written by poet, philosopher, +historian, or grammarian, escaped him.</p> + +<p>At the end of three years, he reappeared, wasted +by the vigils and privations of this life of study; +but the last touches had been put to the manuscript +of a book, which, when it appeared three +months later, was pronounced a masterpiece of +scholarship, and made quite a revolution in the +Greek world.</p> + +<p>To-day this young Scotchman is one of the +brightest lights in the higher walks of literature +in Great Britain.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The students of the great Universities of Scotland +offer, perhaps, the most striking proofs of +perseverance to be found.</p> + +<p>At Oxford and Cambridge, you find all sorts of +students, especially students who do not study.</p> + +<p>In Scotland, all students study.</p> + +<p>To be able to have the luxury of studying, or +rather "residing" (such is the less pretentious +name in use), at Oxford or Cambridge, you must +be well-to-do.</p> + +<p>In Scotland, as in Germany, Greece, Switzerland, +and America, the poorest young men may +aspire to university honours; but often at the cost +of what privations!</p> + +<p>Here are a few incidents of students' life in +Scotland. They struck me as being very interest<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 43]</span>ing, +very touching. I borrow them, for the most +part, from a writer who published them in a Scotch +<i>Review</i> during my stay in Edinburgh.</p> + +<p>He mentions one young man, of fine manners +and aristocratic appearance, who dined but three +times a week, and then upon a hot two-penny pie. +On the other days he lived on dry bread.</p> + +<p>Another had an ingenious way of turning his +scanty resources to account. Spreading out his +books where the hearthrug would naturally have +been, he would lie there, learning his task by the +light of a fire, made from the roots of decayed +trees, which he had dug in a wood near Edinburgh, +and carried to his lodgings.</p> + +<p>Three Scotchmen, now occupying high positions, +shared a room containing one bed; and for a year +at least, while attending Aberdeen University, +they had no other lodging. The bed was a very +narrow one, and quite incapable of holding two +persons at once; so two worked while the other +slept, and when they went to bed, he rose.</p> + +<p>Two other students excited a great deal of +curiosity for some time. One carried his books +before him just as if they had been a tray, while +he glided noiselessly to his place. This mystery +was explained when it was learned that he had +been a hotel waiter. During the winter he pursued +his studies; and when summer returned, it +found him, with serviette across his arm, earning +the necessary fees for his next winter's course of +study.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 44]</span></p> + +<p>He never could quite throw off the waiter. +If a professor called his name suddenly, he +would start up and answer, "Coming, sir—coming!"</p> + +<p>The other was more mysterious still. As soon +as recitation was over, he would start away from +the class-room and make for the environs of the +town as fast as he could run. It was at last discovered +that he kept a little book shop at some +distance from the University, and, being too poor +to hire an assistant, had to close his door to customers +while he went to recite his lessons.</p> + +<p>Professor Blackie tells of one young student, +who lived for a whole session on red herrings and +a barrel of potatoes, sent him from home. The +poor fellow's health so gave way under this meagre +diet, that he died before his course of study was +finished.</p> + +<p>The learned Professor mentions also another +very touching case of a young student who fell a +victim to his thirst for knowledge. The poor +fellow had so weakened his stomach by privation, +that he died from eating a good meal given him by +a kind friend.</p> + +<p>I said just now that little work was done +at the University of Oxford. Exception must, +however, be made in the case of the famous +Balliol College.</p> + +<p>But whom do we find there?</p> + +<p>This college is full of Scotch students, who +succeed in keeping themselves at Oxford, thanks<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 45]</span> +to their frugality and industry. It is not unfrequent +to find them giving lessons to the undergraduates +of other colleges!</p> + +<p>And what lessons the Scotch can give the +English!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Good old Times.—A Trick.—Untying Cravats.—Bible and +Whisky.—Evenings in Scotland.—The Dining-room.—Scots +of the Old School.—Departure of the Whisky and +Arrival of the Bible.—The Nightcap in Scotland.—Five +hours' Rest.—The Gong and its Effects.—Fresh as +Larks.—Iron Stomachs.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 53px;"> +<img src="images/caps.jpg" width="53" height="80" alt="S" title="S" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">cotchmen still drink hard; but where +are the joyous days when the Scotch host +broke the glasses off at the stem, so that +his guests should drink nothing but bumpers?</p> + +<p>Scotchmen still drink hard; but where are the +good old times, when it was thought a slight to +your host to go to bed without the help of a couple +of servants?</p> + +<p>Scotchmen still drink hard; but where is the +time when people recommended a <i>protégé</i>, who was +a candidate for a vacant post, by adding at the +foot of his petition, "He is a trustworthy man—capable, +hard-working, and a fine drinker"?</p> + +<p>Lord Cockburn, who was a sober man, mentions +how he was once dining in a friend's house, and +towards the end of the dinner was surprised to<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 46]</span> +see the number of guests around the table +diminishing, although no one had left the room. +He set himself to solve the mystery, and soon +discovered that they had rolled under the table, +one after the other. A bright idea occurred to +him. There was a bit of ground free near his +feet; he would secure it, and escape from the +drink without drawing down on himself the displeasure +of his host.</p> + +<p>Feigning to be helplessly drunk, he slid under +the table.</p> + +<p>Scarcely had he taken his place among the +victims of this Scot's hospitality, when he felt a +pair of hands at his throat.</p> + +<p>"What is it?" asked he, alarmed.</p> + +<p>"All right, sir," said a voice at his ear; "I am +the boy as looses the cravats!"</p> + +<p>He submitted to the treatment, and then lay +patiently waiting till the servants came and carried +him to bed.</p> + +<p>Scotchmen still drink hard; but where is the +time when, about eleven in the evening, the ladies +of the house withdrew to their rooms and locked +themselves in, to escape from the drunken humours +of the men who, the next morning, would treat +them with all the respect due to their sex?</p> + +<p>Yes, Scotchmen still drink hard; and if they +only consecrated to Venus half—nay, one tenth—of +the time that they consecrate to Bacchus, +Scotchwomen would be the most envied women +in the world.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 47]</span></p> + +<p>Donald is theological in his cups: that is to say, +the Bible, which every true Scot is full of, comes +up as the whisky goes down; so that when the +said whisky has floated the Bible, the Scotchman +begins to discuss the most subtle biblical +questions.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>This is how the evening is passed in Scotland.</p> + +<p>Dinner is served about seven. After dessert, +the ladies retire to the drawing-room while the +gentlemen finish their wine, smoke, and take +coffee. This done, they join the ladies in the +drawing-room, where tea is served, and an hour +or so passed in conversation and music. At +eleven, the gentlemen return to the dining-room +or go to the library. Whisky and cigars are +brought, and the fête begins. Several times, +when the master of the house beckoned to me to +follow him from the drawing-room, I tried to make +him understand that I was very contented in the +company of the ladies; but it was useless. He +would generally take my arm and say:</p> + +<p>"Come along!"</p> + +<p>As who should say:</p> + +<p>"Enough of that; you are a man, are you not? +Come and pass the evening in manly fashion."</p> + +<p>There was nothing to do but follow.</p> + +<p>I pleaded all kinds of excuses to avoid this part +of the entertainment.</p> + +<p>"The doctor has forbidden me to drink," I<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 48]</span> +mildly suggested once or twice, "or I should be +very happy, I assure you."</p> + +<p>Occasionally I tried to bring to bear more serious +reasons—business reasons—such as:</p> + +<p>"Excuse me, I have to lecture almost every +day, and I am a little afraid for my voice."</p> + +<p>Much use this! Such an excuse came near +rendering me ridiculous in the eyes of those lusty +Scots. They were ready to exclaim,</p> + +<p>"What milksops those Frenchmen are!"</p> + +<p>For the honour of the French flag, I would mix +myself a glass of toddy; and by just taking a sip +every quarter of an hour, make it last out the +sitting, which seldom ended before two in the +morning.</p> + +<p>By a little after midnight, the tongues seem to +tire, and conversation flags. At regular intervals +come the solemn puff, puff, puff, from the smokers' +lips, and the long spiral columns of smoke float +noiselessly upwards. The faces grow long and +solemn to match: it is the Bible rising to the +surface. Soon it floats—as I explained just now—and +conversation starts again on theology. +Each has his own manner of interpreting the +Scriptures, and burns to explain it to his neighbour. +Then follow the subtlest arguments, the +most interminable discussions. I listen. If I +have not many talents, I have at least one—that +of being able to hold my tongue in English, +Scotch, and all imaginable languages.</p> + +<p>The whisky continues to pass from the bottle to<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 49]</span> +the glasses, and from the glasses to the throats of +the company. The Bible comes up faster than +ever. When the guests are well emptied of +theology, everyone takes his nightcap—the signal +for breaking up. The nightcap is generally the +little whisky left in the decanter; to do it honour, +it is taken neat. All get up, shake hands, and say +Good-night. As you leave your host, you ask +him at what time breakfast is served, and he +replies:</p> + +<p>"At eight."</p> + +<p>At eight! Can he mean it? Deducting the +necessary time for undressing, and for getting +through your morning toilet, there remain scarcely +five hours for sleep. The thought that you must +make haste and get to sleep, in order to have a +chance of being able to wake between seven and +half-past, is just enough to prevent you from +closing your eyes for the night. Thank goodness, +your host, in his solicitude, has foreseen the +difficulty. At seven o'clock, a horrible din makes +you start up in bed and tremble from head to foot. +It is a servant sounding the gong—a sort of tam-tam +of Chinese invention—which fills the house +with a noise fit to make you reproduce all the contortions +that manufacturers of porcelain attribute +to the Celestials. You rise, and dress as fast as +you can. Your features look drawn; your head +feels upside down; your eyes seem coming out of +your head; you have the hairache: but you +console yourself with the thought of the others.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 50]</span> +What will they be like? What a figure they will +cut at table!</p> + +<p>You were never more mistaken. In they come, +the lusty rascals, looking as bright as the lark. +Nothing on their faces betray the libations of over +night, or the scanty measure of sleep they have +been able to get.</p> + +<p>"What an iron race, these Scots!" I have +often exclaimed to myself. "Who could hope to +compete with them?"</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Religion and Churches in Scotland.—Why Scotch Bishops +cut a poor Figure.—Companies for insuring against the +Accidents of the Life to come.—Religious Lecture-Rooms.—No +one can serve two Masters.—How the +Gospel Camel was able to pass through the Eye of a +Needle.—Incense and Common Sense.—I understand, +therefore I believe.—Conversions at Home.—Conversions +in open Air.—A modest Preacher.—A well-filled +Week.—Touching Piety.—Donald recommends John +Bull and Paddy to the Lord.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 60px;"> +<img src="images/capg.jpg" width="60" height="80" alt="G" title="G" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">reat Britain boasts two State +Churches: the Anglican, or Episcopal, +Church in England and Wales, and the +Presbyterian Church in Scotland.</p> + +<p>The Presbyterian Church is not under the jurisdiction +of a bishop, but of a General Assembly, +composed of lay and ecclesiastical deputies +elected by the towns and universities, and pre<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 51]</span>sided +over by a Moderator, elected by the Assembly, +and a Lord High Commissioner, appointed +every year by the Queen, and requited for this +arduous task with two thousand pounds.</p> + +<p>The Scotch Presbyterian Church was established +in 1560; but the Stuarts re-established the +Episcopalian Church in 1662. The Revolution of +1688, followed by the accession of the Prince of +Orange to the throne of England, made Presbyterianism +flourish again, and its ministers still +receive emoluments from the State.</p> + +<p>The Episcopalian Church still exists in Scotland, +governed by seven bishops; but, by the +irony of fate, she has become, as it were, a sort +of dissenting Church.</p> + +<p>Scotland has many Catholics. Two archbishops +and four bishops watch over the spiritual +health of this flock.</p> + +<p>In 1843, many Scotchmen, having discovered +that it was contrary to Scripture to have ministers +appointed by the State, founded the Free +Church, which at the present time rivals the +Presbyterian in importance.</p> + +<p>The religious zeal of the Scotch may be judged +from the fact that, in the year of the separation, +a sum of nearly £400,000 was contributed by the +faithful desirous of founding a Free Church. This +Church has eleven hundred pastors, receiving +salaries of about £200 a year. Not less than +£560,000 were sent, in 1882, to the Chief Moderator, +to help meet the expenses of this free faith.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 52]</span></p> + +<p>Such are the large centres of religious activity. +Besides these, there are, as in England, nearly +two hundred dissenting sects.</p> + +<p>You may imagine whether the Devil has a hard +time of it in Scotland.</p> + +<p>All these spiritual insurance companies live in +perfect harmony, and are flourishing.</p> + +<p>It is only the Scotch bishops who cut a rather +pitiable figure. To be a lord bishop, and not to +be able to lord it a little, is hard. When I was in +the North of Scotland, I saw one arrive at Buckie +station, on his way to inspect the church of the +town. The clergyman had come to meet him. +They took the road to the vicarage, <i>pedibus cum +jambis</i>, and my lord bishop's gaiters attracted no +more attention from the good Buckie folk than +did the ulster of your humble servant.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>In Catholic countries, where religion exacts a +life of sacrifice and abnegation from its ministers, +the priesthood is a vocation. In Protestant countries, +where religion imposes but few restrictions +on those who serve about the altar, the Church is +a profession.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Scotch places of worship are much alike inside +and out. Outside, the roofs are more or less +pointed; inside, the singing is more or less out +of tune.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 53]</span></p> + +<p>Let us go into the first we come to.</p> + +<p>Four whitewashed walls, with a ceiling to match, +or a roof supported by bare rafters; no pictures, +no statues; just straight-backed benches, and a +high desk or pulpit: it is a lecture-room. Not +a single outer sign of fervour: no kneeling, no +clasped hands, or other sign of supplication. +The faces are cross-looking and forbidding, or +else apathetic.</p> + +<p>It is curious to reflect that these unmoved faces +belong to people who would die to defend their +liberty of conscience.</p> + +<p>Drawling hymns, psalms and canticles sung in +the twelve different semi-tones of the chromatic +scale; sermons full of theological subtleties, objections +raised and explained away.</p> + +<p>The preacher does not seek to appeal to the +soul by eloquence, to the heart by tenderness and +grace, or to the taste by style. He addresses +himself to the reason alone.</p> + +<p>Some preachers read their sermons, some recite +them, others give them <i>ex tempore</i>. These latter +are the most interesting.</p> + +<p>Here and there I heard sermons that were +enough to send one to sleep on one's feet; you +can imagine the effect upon an audience who had +to hear them in a sitting posture. But Scotland +has not the monopoly of this kind of eloquence; +from time immemorial it has been the custom of a +certain proportion of church-goers to shut their +eyes to listen to the sermon.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 54]</span></p> + +<p>Religion is still sterner in Scotland than in +England. It is arid, like the soil of the country; +angular, like the bodies of the inhabitants; thorny, +like the national emblem of Scotland.</p> + +<p>One Sunday I went to a church in Glasgow. +The preacher chose for his text the passage from +St. Matthew's Gospel commencing with "No +man can serve two masters," and ending "Ye +cannot serve God and Mammon."</p> + +<p>About three thousand worshippers, careworn +and devoured by the thirst for lucre, listened +unmoved to the diatribes of the worthy pastor, +and were preparing, by a day of rest, for the +headlong race after wealth that they were going +to resume on the morrow.</p> + +<p>What a never-ending theme is the contempt +for riches! What sermons in the desert, +preached by bishops with princely pay, or +poor curates who treat fortune as Master +Reynard treated certain grapes that hung out +of reach.</p> + +<p>I was never more edified than on that Sunday +in Glasgow, especially when the assembly struck +up—</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p> +"O Paradise, O Paradise!<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'Tis weary waiting here;</span><br /> +I long to be where Jesus is,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To feel, to see him near.</span><br /> +O Paradise, O Paradise!<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I greatly long to see</span><br /> +The special place my dearest Lord<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In love prepares for me!"</span><br /> +</p></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 55]</span>"Ah! +my dear Caledonians," thought I, seeing +them in such a hurry, "it is better to suffer, even +in Glasgow, than to die!"</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p> +<i>Mieux vaut souffrir que mourir<br /> +C'est la devise des hommes.</i><br /> +</p></div> + +<p>By the bye, dear reader, how do you like the +expression <i>special place</i>? Did I exaggerate when +I told you the Scotch expect to find places specially +reserved for them in Heaven?</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>This is how I learned by experience never to +enter into theological discussions with the Scotch.</p> + +<p>I had been to morning service in an Edinburgh +church with a Scotchman, and there again had +heard a sermon on the worthlessness of riches. +The minister had preached from the text, "And +again I say unto you: it is easier for a camel to +go through the eye of a needle than for a rich +man to enter into the kingdom of Heaven."</p> + +<p>In my innocence, or rather in my ignorance, I +had always seen in these words of our Lord a +condemnation of riches—a condemnation without +appeal, and looked upon the man who sought to +be rich, and the man who did not scatter his +wealth, as persons who willingly forfeited all +chance of entering Heaven.</p> + +<p>On leaving the church, my companion and I +began to talk of the sermon. The Scotch discuss +a sermon on their way home from church, as we +French people discuss the merits of a new play<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 56]</span> +that we have just seen at the theatre. As we +went along, I communicated my views to my +friend. He turned on me a glance full of compassion.</p> + +<p>"It is easy to see, my dear sir," he said, "that +you have been brought up in a religion that does +not encourage discussion. The result is that you +swallow without resistance theories which would +make our children start with indignation. If +Christ's phrase could be interpreted in your +fashion, it would be neither more nor less than +an absurdity. He meant to say that it was more +difficult for a rich man than a poor one to be +saved, but not that it was impossible."</p> + +<p>"But," I began, "it is impossible for a camel to +go through the eye of a needle."</p> + +<p>Here my companion's smile became more sarcastic. +I foresaw that his explanation was going +to stagger me, and so it did.</p> + +<p>"You seem to be in earnest," said he; "let me +enlighten you. There existed at Jerusalem, in +our Saviour's time, a gateway called the <i>Needle's +Eye</i>. Although one of the principal entrances to +the city, this gateway was so narrow that a camel +could only get through it with difficulty. So +Christ meant to say——"</p> + +<p>"Enough," I cried, "my ignorance is terrible. +I never felt it so much as at this moment."</p> + +<p>"You see," he added in a rather bantering tone, +"in Scotch churches there is no incense ... but +there is common sense."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 57]</span></p> + +<p>Nothing mystic in the religion of the Scotch. +The Old and New Testaments are submitted to +the finest sifting. Every passage is explained. +They are served up as an intellectual food.</p> + +<p>Here people do not see because they believe; +they believe because they see. Faith is based +upon reason.</p> + +<p>It is easy to understand why the Scotchman, +still more than the Englishman, is common sense +personified.</p> + +<p>You will see young fellows, scarcely come to +manhood, meet together, and discuss the most +subtle questions of theology with all the earnestness +of doctors of divinity.</p> + +<p>It is a powerful school. Reason ripens in the +open air of discussion.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Very practical this religion of the Scotch!</p> + +<p>I extract the following passage from the letter +of a young Scotchman, magistrate in India:—</p> + +<p>"Time passes tolerably here. For that matter, +we are too busy to be much bored. Week follows +week, and each is rather like the one that went +before; but all are well filled up. Last Monday, I +condemned an Indian to six months' imprisonment +and held three inquests. On Tuesday, I presided +at a meeting called for the purpose of hearing the +report of the Zanana Missions. On Wednesday, +I went to races and won £25. Everyone had bet +on Mignonne, who was backed at two to one; but<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 58]</span> +seeing that the ground was damp and slippery, I +chose Phœbus, a heavier horse, backed at ten to +one. I was lucky in my choice. On Thursday, +after the work of the day, I went to see the +Nautch girls dance. It is a little <i>risqué</i>; but I +have often heard you say that a man should see +everything, so as to be able to judge between good +and evil. There was a regatta on Friday. I went +in for one race, but only came in second. On +Saturday, I had to make out over a hundred +summonses, and try several petty offences. An +uninteresting day. It is with a feeling of apprehension +that I always await Saturday. I have +one more examination to pass before I can sentence +the natives to more than one year's imprisonment, +and two before I can send them to the gibbet. On +Sunday, I read the lessons in church. In the +afternoon I addressed a congregation out of doors. +They seemed greatly impressed, and I count on +several conversions."</p> + +<p>You must admit that this was a well-filled week. +I thought the mixture of sacred and profane quite +delicious.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>In Scotland, as in England, open-air services +are very common. They are conducted by good +folks, not over afflicted with modesty, who believe +that they were chosen by Heaven to go and +convert their fellow creatures—would-be St. Paul's, +operating in the Athens of the North, and elsewhere.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 59]</span></p> + +<p>Following the advice of Horace, these apostles +plunge straight into their subject. They will +attack you with the question, whether you are not +too fond of the things of this world? or else, +whether you have made your peace with God?</p> + +<p>The utter conceit of these amateur clergy is +matchless. They are either hypocrites of the +worst stamp, or fanatics of the first water, +"airing their self-righteousness at the corners of +the streets." The monotony of their tunes, the +commonplaces of their would-be sermons, their +long visages, and their grimaces as they pray—all +this is the reverse of attractive.</p> + +<p>I prefer the soldiers of the Salvation Army. +They are rough, but they do not banish cheerfulness +from their services. They are lively, and +break the awful silence of the British Sabbath. +Their services at first struck everyone as blasphemous; +but one gets used to everything in this +country.</p> + +<p>I must not pass over the open-air orator, who, to +excuse his faults of grammar, said to his hearers, +of whom I was one: "My dear friends, I have +had no education, and I know very well I am not +a gentleman; but that does not prevent me from +accepting the mission that I have received from +Heaven to come and preach the Gospel to you. +Jesus Christ was not a gentleman—He was a +carpenter. The Apostles were not gentlemen +either—they were fishermen."</p> + +<p>Modest, is it not?<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 60]</span></p> + +<p>There are Scots so sure of their salvation that +they pray but to thank God that they are not as +other men are. These Christians, whom Burns has +named the <i>unco' guid</i>, are charitable: they pray for +their neighbours. There are, on the west of Scotland, +two small islands inhabited by a race whose +piety is really touching. Every Sunday, in their +churches, they commend to God's care the poor +inhabitants of the adjacent islands of England, +Scotland, and Ireland!</p> + +<p>They have their own future safety assured, and, +in their charity, think of their neighbours.</p> + +<p>Donald presenting Paddy and John Bull to the +Lord! The scene is as touching as it is amusing.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Donald's Relations with the Divinity.—Prayers +and Sermons.—Signification of the Word "Receptivity."—Requests +and Thanksgivings.—"Repose +in Peace."—"Thou Excelledst them all."—Explanation +of Miracles.—Pulpit Advertisements.—Pictures +of the Last Judgment.—One +of the Elect Belated.—An Urchin Preacher.—A +Considerate Beggar.</i></p></div> + + +<p>Donald is still more religious than John Bull—that +is to say, he is still more theological and +church-going; but the fashion in which he keeps +up relations with the Divinity is very different.</p> + +<p>The Englishman entertains the Jewish notion<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 61]</span> +of God—a Deity terrible and avenging, whose +very name strikes awe, and is not to be lightly +pronounced without drawing down celestial vengeance.</p> + +<p>The Scot has a way of treating his Creator +very much as if He were the next-door neighbour. +He tells Him all his little needs, and will go so +far as to gently reproach Him if they are not +supplied.</p> + +<p>If he has dined well, he is lavish in returning +thanks to the Lord for His infinite favours; his +gratitude is boundless. If he has had a meagre +repast, he thanks Him for the least of His mercies. +The thanks are not omitted, but at the same time +Donald gives the Lord to understand that he has +made a poor dinner.</p> + +<p>The following anecdote was told me in Scotland. +The first part of it is given by Dr. Ramsay in his +<i>Reminiscences</i>, I find. As to the second, I leave the +responsibility of it to my host who related the +story to me. <i>Se non e vera, e ben trovata.</i></p> + +<p>A Presbyterian minister had just cut his hay, +and the weather not being very propitious for +making it, he knelt near his open window and +addressed to Heaven the following prayer:</p> + +<p>"O Lord, send us wind for the hay; no a rantin', +tantin', tearin' wind, but a noughin', soughin', +winnin' wind...."</p> + +<p>His prayer was here interrupted by a puff of +wind that made the panes rattle, and scattered in +all directions the papers lying on his table.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 62]</span></p> + +<p>The minister straightway got up and closed his +window, exclaiming:</p> + +<p>"Now, Lord, that's ridik'lous!"</p> + +<p>If this ending of the anecdote is not authentic, +I feel quite sure that none but a Scotchman could +have invented it.</p> + +<p>Donald's prayers are sermons, just as the sermons +of his ministers are prayers.</p> + +<p>In these daily litanies the Scotchman enters +into the most trifling details with careful forethought: +the list of favours he has received, and +for which he has to return thanks; the list of the +blessings he wishes for, and will certainly receive, +for God cannot refuse him anything,—all this is +present to his prodigious memory. He dots his +i's, as we say in France; and if by chance he +should happen to employ a rather far-fetched +expression, he explains it to the Lord, so that +there shall be no danger of misunderstanding, no +pretext for not according him what he asks for—he +corners Him.</p> + +<p>Thus I was one day present at evening prayers +in a Scotch family, and heard the master of the +house, among a thousand other supplications, +make the following:</p> + +<p>"O Lord, give us receptivity; that is to say, +O Lord, the power of receiving impressions."</p> + +<p>The entire Scotch character is there.</p> + +<p>What forethought! what cleverness! what a +business-like talent! To explain to God the signification +of the far-fetched word <i>receptivity</i>, so<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 63]</span> +that He should not be able to say: "There is a +worthy Scotchman who uses outlandish words; I +do not know what it is he wants."</p> + +<p>Would not one think that this excellent Caledonian +imagined that God had been made in his +image?</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>As gratitude is pretty generally everywhere—but +especially in Great Britain—a sense of favours +to come, this same Scot, before making known to +the Lord the blessings which he expected from +Him, had been careful to thank Him for past +favours. Here, too, he had been sublime. Judge +for yourself.</p> + +<p>With the lady who was his third wife in the +room, he thus expressed himself:</p> + +<p>"Lord, I thank Thee for the pleasure and the +comfort that I derived from the company of Jane" +(his first wife); "I thank Thee also for the pleasure +and comfort that I derived from the company of +Mary" (his second wife).</p> + +<p>The third wife was there, at the other end of +the table, silent and solemn, apparently plunged +in profound meditation, and thanking Heaven for +the pleasure and comfort that the society of Jane +and Mary had given her husband.</p> + +<p>When would her turn come to play her part in +these thanksgivings?</p> + +<p>Her husband is but sixty-five, and I can assure +you has no idea of going yet.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 64]</span></p> + +<p>Another episode of the same kind came under +my notice in a Catholic family; but in this case +the same Scotch characteristic showed itself under +a different form—a form suggested by belief in +purgatory.</p> + +<p>Here, too, the master of the house was a widower +remarried, but who had only got as far as his +second wife. Before this dutiful lady and the rest +of his family, which was composed of several big +sons and three grown-up daughters, he prayed for +the repose of the soul of his first wife, reminding +the Lord, in case He should have forgotten it, +what an angel on earth this incomparable spouse +had been.</p> + +<p>"Remember, O Lord," he cried, "how discreet, +faithful, wise, careful, and obedient she was!"</p> + +<p>This prayer, in my opinion, was meant to serve +two ends, for the Scotchman never loses sight of +the practical side of things. While it solicited +the admission of the first wife into Paradise, it +reminded the second of her duty towards her +husband and the virtues he expected of her.</p> + +<p>Upstairs I saw that which confirmed me in my +little theory.</p> + +<p>In the bedroom I occupied hung a portrait of +Mrs. X. (No. 1). Underneath the portrait a card, +illuminated with a garland of roses and foliage, +and bearing the inscription "Rest in Peace," +announced to the stranger that the original was +no longer of this world.</p> + +<p>One evening, on opening a drawer of the dress<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 65]</span>ing-table, +I beheld a card exactly similar to that +underneath the portrait, but with the inscription:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou +excelledst them all."</p></div> + +<p>There it was, all ready to replace the other card, +should Mrs. X. (No. 2) cease to be "discreet, wise, +careful, and obedient." I wonder if it has seen +the light yet!</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>No liturgy, no formulas for Donald, when he +prays. He will not be dictated to as to what +he shall say. He knows his own wants, and +communicates them to his Maker without reserve +or restraint.</p> + +<p>The Scotch tell of a Presbyterian minister, of +the time of George III., who used to officiate in a +church in Edinburgh, and prayed for the Town +Council thus:</p> + +<p>"O Lord, have mercy on all fools and idiots, +and the members of the Town Council of Edinburgh."</p> + +<p>What a pity that in Paris churches it is not +possible to put up a similar petition!</p> + +<p>Here is a prayer of an old farmer who lived in +the North of Scotland, and was well known for +his long and forcible addresses to Heaven.</p> + +<p>"We thank Thee, Lord, for Thy great goodness +to Meg, and that it ever cam into thy heid to tak' +ony thocht o' sic a useless baw-waw as her. For<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 66]</span> +Thy mercy's sake, and for the sake o' Thy poor +sinfu' servants that are now addressin' Thee in +their ain shilly-shally way, hae mercy on Rob. +Ye ken yersel' he is a wild, mischievous callant, +and thinks nae mair o' committing sin than a dog +does o' lickin' a dish; but put Thy hook in his +nose, an' Thy bridle in his gab, an' gar him come +back to Thee with a jerk that he'll ne'er forget +the langest day he has to leeve.</p> + +<p>"We're a' like hawks, we're a' like snails, +we're a' like sloggie riddles: like hawks to do +evil, like snails to do guid, and like sloggie riddles +that let through a' the guid and keep a' the bad.</p> + +<p>"Bring doon the tyrant and his lang neb, for he +has done muckle ill the year; gie him a cup o' +Thy wraith, an' 'gin he winna tak that, gie him +<i>kelty</i>" (two cups, a double dose).</p> + +<p>The finest and most characteristic prayer that +it has been my good luck to come across is the +following, which I have kept for a <i>bonne bouche</i>. +The good folks of Dumbarton used it in the year +1804, when the inhabitants of Scotland firmly +believed that Napoleon had resolved to invade +Great Britain:</p> + +<p>"Lord, bless this house and a' that's in this +house, and a' within twa miles ilka side this +house. O bless the coo and the meal and the +kail-yard and the muckle toun o' Dumbarton.</p> + +<p>"O Lord, preserve us frae a' witches and warlocks, +and a' lang nebbet beasties that gang +through the heather.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 67]</span></p> + +<p>"O build a strong dyke between us and the +muckle French. Put a pair o' branks about the +neck of the French Emperor; gie me the helter +in my ain hand, that I may lead him about when +I like: for Thy name's sake. Amen."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>To this day you will hear, in any country church +in Scotland, these interminable litanies. It is the +minister's work to watch over the interests of his +flock; he knows their wants and their wishes, and +he expresses them in his prayers. That does not +prevent Donald from going through the same process +again at home; it is always well to know +how to conduct one's own affairs.</p> + +<p>Every Scot is a born preacher. Even his conversation +has a certain smack of the pulpit. By +dint of preaching and listening to preachers, his +conversation gets a sermonising turn.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>That familiarity with which Donald keeps up his +relations with his Maker—a familiarity which comes +from the good-humoured frankness of the Scotch +character—shows itself above all in the ministers +of the various religious sects of the country.</p> + +<p>Thus a pastor of the Free Church, wishing to +explain how Jesus had performed a miracle in +walking across the waves to join His disciples, hit +upon this forcible way of bringing it home to his +hearers:</p> + +<p>"My dear brethren, to walk on the sea is a very<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 68]</span> +wonderful thing: you would find it just as difficult +as to walk across this ceiling with your head +downwards."</p> + +<p>Another, wishing to illustrate how God is everywhere +and sees everything, told his congregation:</p> + +<p>"The Lord is like a moose in a dry stane dyke, +aye keekin' out at us frae holes and crannies, and +we canna see Him."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Scotch preachers of the old school knew +how to recommend their parishioners to the care +of Heaven—and occasionally to the shop of a +friend.</p> + +<p>A Scotchman told me that he remembered to +have heard, when a boy, a Free Church minister +thus express himself in the pulpit:</p> + +<p>"Lord, protect us from the cholera, at this time +making such terrible ravages in Glasgow; endow +the doctors of this town with wisdom; give them +also health, especially to James Macpherson, who +is getting old and cannot afford to pay a substitute. +And you, my dear friends, be prudent: keep +yourselves warm, that is the essential thing; wear +flannel clothing. If you have none at home, lose +no time in going to Donald Anderson. He has +just received from London a large stock of the +best flannels, which he is selling very cheap. I +bought some of him at a shilling a yard, and I am +perfectly satisfied with it. Donald Anderson lives +at 22 Lanark Street; don't go elsewhere."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 69]</span></p> + +<p>If the Englishman has, as I said elsewhere, +knocked down to himself the kingdom of Heaven, +which he looks upon as a British possession, the +Scotchman has discerned to himself all the best +places therein.</p> + +<p>A few months ago an amiable Scotchman offered +me his hospitality in the environs of Edinburgh. +On entering my bedroom, I saw a picture of the +Last Judgment. It quite took my breath away, +the sight of that picture. And no wonder! At +God's right hand came—first, John Knox; next, +Robert Burns and Sir Walter Scott; then an +immense crowd of good folk, who, if they had +been in complete attire, would have had kilts and +plaids; and then next, but at some distance, John +Wesley and a number of other well-known English +divines; and beyond them—no one. But that +is not all. On the left hand were a good sprinkling +of popes, among people of all sorts and +conditions, but all foreigners.</p> + +<p>I called my host quickly.</p> + +<p>"Well," I said, "what have you been up to in +this country? What! Without giving anybody +warning, without a 'by your leave,' you install +yourselves in the best seats to the exclusion of +the poor outside world! My dear sir, it looks to +me as if, when all your Britannic subjects are +supplied with places, there will be room for no +one else."</p> + +<p>It was enough to make a Frenchman cry, +"Stop thief!"<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 70]</span></p> + +<p>I was fain to console myself, however, with the +thought that in France we can draw pictures of +the Last Judgment too, but with a decided improvement +on this arrangement of figures. To +look for John Knox in ours would be sheer waste +of time.</p> + +<p>As to Robert Burns, who certainly was no saint, +far from it, I do not remember to have seen him, +but I guarantee that he is to be found in the midst +of the angels, beside Beethoven, Shakespeare, +Raphael, Victor Hugo, and kindred spirits.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The following anecdote, told me in Scotland, +will perhaps tend to prove that even the libations +of overnight do not hinder a true-born Scot from +believing himself in Paradise the following +morning.</p> + +<p>Donald had imbibed whisky freely in the house +of a friend, and towards two in the morning set +out for home, describing wonderful zigzags as he +went.</p> + +<p>It suddenly occurred to him, in one of those +lucid moments which the tipsiest man will occasionally +have, that the cemetery of Kirkcaldy +formed a short cut to his house. He steered for +the place, but had not gone far when an open +grave arrested his progress. He tried to jump, +his foot caught, he slipped, and the next moment +was lying full length in the improvised bed. Here +he soon fell fast asleep. About six in the morning<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 71]</span> +the Kirkcaldy coach came speeding past, the +coachman making the air ring with a shrill +trumpet blast. Donald awakes, rubs his eyes, +and, taking it to be the Last Trump calling the +elect from their tombs, arises awe-stricken. He +looks around him. No one; not a soul!</p> + +<p>"Weel, weel," cries Donald; "weel, weel, this +is a fery puir show for Kirkcaldy!!!"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The French beggar accosts one with a "God +bless you." If he is blind, he plays the flute. +The Scotch beggar's stock-in-trade is generally a +Bible. For a penny he will recite you a chapter; +Old and New Testament are equally familiar to +him. If he is blind, he does the same as his +English <i>confrère</i>: he reads aloud from a Bible +printed in raised characters.</p> + +<p>Those who can get enough to invest in an organ +or a <i>discordeon</i> abandon the Bible business, which +is not lucrative. Besides, turning the handle is +easy work; whereas learning the Bible by heart +demands study.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The beggar reciting the Bible to fill his pocket +is very well; but he does not come up to the +preaching street arab.</p> + +<p>A learned professor at the University of Aberdeen +told me, last February, that he was one day +accosted by a beggar-boy of about ten, who asked +him for a penny.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 72]</span></p> + +<p>"A penny! What are you going to do to earn +it?" asked the professor.</p> + +<p>"Shall I sing?" replied the boy.</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"Shall I dance?"</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"Shall I preach?"</p> + +<p>The professor pulled out his penny without +"asking for further change."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I cannot take leave of performing beggars without +relating a little incident that I was a witness +of in Edinburgh:</p> + +<p>A beggar came up to me, asking for alms.</p> + +<p>"You have a violin there," I said to him; "but +you do not play it. How is that?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, sir!" he replied; "give me a penny, and +don't make me play. I assure you you won't +regret it."</p> + +<p>I understood his delicacy, and to show him that +I appreciated it launched out my penny.</p> + +<p>"But," I added, "do you never use your +violin?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir, sometimes," he said, lowering his +voice, "as a threat."</p> + +<p>I lost my penny, but saved my ears.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 73]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>The Scotch Sabbath.—The Saviour in the Cornfield.—A +good Advertisement.—Difference between the Inside and +the Outside of a Tramcar.—How useful it is to be able +to speak Scotch in Scotland.—Sermon and Lesson on +Balistics at Edinburgh.—If you do Evil on the Sabbath, +do it well.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 70px;"> +<img src="images/capt.jpg" width="70" height="80" alt="T" title="T" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">he Lord's day is not called Sunday in +Scotland, but the Sabbath, which is more +biblical.</p> + +<p>The Scotch Sabbath beats the English Sunday +into fits.</p> + +<p>I thought, in my innocence, that the English +Sunday was not to be matched.</p> + +<p>Delusion on my part.</p> + +<p>How hope to give a description of the Scotch +Sabbath? It is an undertaking that might +frighten a far more clever pen than mine.</p> + +<p>Happily, in this also, the Scotch anecdote +comes to my rescue.</p> + +<p>Here is one, to begin with, which will show +once more how difficult it is to trip up a Scotchman. +Nothing is sacred for him when he wants +to get himself out of a difficulty.</p> + +<p>A Free Kirk minister met a member of his +congregation, and thus addressed her:</p> + +<p>"Mary, I am glad to have met you; for I have<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 74]</span> +something on my mind that I have been anxious +to speak to you of for a long while. I have heard—but +it surely cannot be—I have heard that you +sometimes go for a walk on the blessed Sabbath."</p> + +<p>"Ay, meenister, it is quite true; but I read in +the Bible that Our Lord walked through the cornfields +on the Sabbath day."</p> + +<p>"I do not deny it," replied the good man, a +little disconcerted; "but," he added, recovering +his self-possession, "let me tell you that if the +Saviour did take a walk on the Sabbath, I dinna +think the more of Him for 't."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I one day read, in an Edinburgh paper, the +following letter, addressed to the editor of the +paper by a Scotch minister. This minister had +been accused by his antagonist of having been seen +taking a walk through one of the parks on the +Sabbath.</p> + +<p>What an advertisement that letter was!</p> + +<p>This is how it ran:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"Certain malevolent and unscrupulous persons have +dared to set afloat the rumour that I was seen in the +Queen's Park on the Sabbath. I utterly deny the +accusation. I never take walks on the Sabbath. +Allow me also to add that, though by going through +the park I should considerably shorten the walk from +my house to the church, I avoid doing so. Let my +enemies watch me, if they feel inclined, and they will +see that I go round."</p></div><p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 75]</span></p> + +<p>It seems impossible to beat that; but what do +you think of the following, which at all events +runs it close?</p> + +<p>The little scene happened at Edinburgh one +Sunday.</p> + +<p>My host and I were going to hear a preacher +at some distance from the centre of the town.</p> + +<p>In Princes Street we hailed an omnibus.</p> + +<p>I, in my simplicity, prepared to mount on the +top, when I felt someone pulling at my coat-tails. +It was my companion, who was going inside, and +who made a sign to me to follow.</p> + +<p>"What! you ride inside on such a lovely day!" +I exclaimed, taking my seat at his side.</p> + +<p>"On week-days it is all very well to go outside, +but on the Sabbath the interior is more +respectable."</p> + +<p>The following little anecdote, which was told +me in the north of Scotland, proves that the +Highlander knows how to reconcile his scruples +with his interests, even on the Holy Sabbath +day:</p> + +<p>My friend, walking one day in the neighbourhood +of Braemar, all at once perceived that he +had lost his way.</p> + +<p>Meeting a peasant, he asked him to put him on +the right track.</p> + +<p>"Eh!" said the rustic, "you are breaking the +Sawbath, and you are served richt. The Lord is +punishin' ye...."</p> + +<p>This little sermon bid fair to last some time.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 76]</span> +My friend slipped a shilling into the peasant's +hand.</p> + +<p>The effect was magical.</p> + +<p>"Straight on till ye come to the crossroads, then +the second turnin' to the richt, and there ye are."</p> + +<p>There is nothing like knowing how to speak +Scotch when you go to Scotland.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Yet, the real old Scotch Sabbath is almost +passing away.</p> + +<p>Some lament it, others rejoice at it; but all +the Scotch admit that their forefathers would be +horrified at the things that pass in these days.</p> + +<p>And indeed things must have greatly changed.</p> + +<p>Now there are those who take walks on the +Sabbath. What do I say, walks? There are +those who ride velocipedes—Heaven forgive +them! There are to be seen—no offence to my +worthy host—there are to be seen poor harmless +folk degenerate enough to go and sniff the fresh +air on the top of an omnibus. They are not the +<i>unco' guid</i>, but still they are Scotch.</p> + +<p>Where is the time when Scotch cooks refused to +use a roasting-jack on Sunday because it worked +and made a noise?</p> + +<p>Where is the time when a Scotchman almost +found fault with his hens for laying eggs on the +Sabbath?</p> + +<p>Where are the days when Donald considered it +shocking to introduce music into divine service?<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 77]</span></p> + +<p>The following little scene, of which I was a +witness, proved to me that in the Scotchman the +practical spirit is bound to assert itself. No +matter whether it is Sunday: if he does evil on +the Sabbath, he must do it well.</p> + +<p>It was one Sunday afternoon in Edinburgh.</p> + +<p>Several children were amusing themselves (<i>proh +pudor!</i>), in a corner of Calton Hill Park, by piling +up a heap of stones.</p> + +<p>When the heap was a few inches high, the +children retreated two or three yards and, each +armed with a stone, began to try and knock down +their little construction.</p> + +<p>Up came a gentleman, indignant.</p> + +<p>"Little scamps!" he began, "are you not +ashamed of yourselves? Don't you know you +are breaking the Sabbath?"</p> + +<p>This impressive exhortation produced small +effect upon the little arabs, who went on aiming +at the heap, but without success, however.</p> + +<p>By the movements of the man every time a +stone missed its aim, I could see that if the worthy +Scot was indignant at the scandalous conduct of +the boys, their awkwardness inspired him with the +most profound contempt.</p> + +<p>Stone followed stone, but the heap remained +intact.</p> + +<p>The Scotchman could bear it no longer.</p> + +<p>"Duffers!" he cried.</p> + +<p>And picking up a stone, he aimed it at the +heap, scattering it in all directions; then, with<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 78]</span> +a last pitying glance at the young admiring troop, +quietly resumed his walk.</p> + +<p><i>Scotch moral.</i>—Don't play at knocking down +stones on the blessed Sabbath, it is a sin; however, +if you do not fear to commit this sin, knock +down the stones. Don't miss your aim, it is a +crime.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>This practical spirit shows itself on Sundays in +many of the large towns in Great Britain.</p> + +<p>In London, for instance, certain tramway companies +double the tram-fares on Sundays. The +Pharisees at the head of these companies say to +themselves:</p> + +<p>"We commit a sin in working on Sundays; +let the sin be at least a remunerative one."</p> + +<p>In France, our public gardens, such as the +<i>Jardin d'Acclimation</i> and many others, reduce the +price of admission on Sundays, in order to allow +the working-people and their children to take a +day of cheap and healthful recreation.</p> + +<p>For a penny, I can any day of the week get +taken by tram close to the magnificent Kew +Gardens. The poor workman, who would like to +go there on Sunday, is obliged to pay twopence to +the company—one penny for his place, and another +to appease the consciences of the shareholders.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 79]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XII" id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Scotch Bonhomie.—Humour and Quick-Wittedness.—Reminiscences +of a Lecturer.—How the Author was once +taken for an Englishman.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">t seems strange that in this country, so +religious as it is, most of the anecdotes +which the people are fond of relating should +refer to religion, and that the hero of them should +generally be the minister. All that joking at the +Scriptures, that parodying of the Bible, those little +comic scenes at the poor minister's expense, seem +at first sight to be in direct opposition with the +national character. It is nothing of the kind, however. +These anecdotes, which after all have in +reality nothing irreverent in them, prove but one +thing to us, and that is, that the Scotch are steeped +over head and ears in Bible, and are not sorry to +get a laugh out of it now and then: it does them +good, it is a little relief to them, and—if I may +believe Dean Ramsay, the great authority on +Scotch anecdotes—the ministers are the first to +set the example.</p> + +<p>Those anecdotes, I repeat, are not irreverent: +I have heard them told by Scotchmen who would +not think of shaving on a Sunday for fear of giving +the cook extra work to boil water early. (And do +not smile if I add that in the evening, after supper,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 80]</span> +there was hot water on the table for the <i>toddy</i>. At +that hour the water had had time to boil without +occasioning any extra labour. At all events, this +is how I accounted for the phenomenon.)</p> + +<p>Their anecdotes, in a word, prove that the +Scotch see a subtle, pithy point more easily than +the English, whatever these latter may say, and +that they are not so intolerant in matters religious +as they are often represented to be.</p> + +<p>The further north you go in Great Britain, the +more quick-wittedness and humour you find. For +quickness in seizing the signification of a gesture, +a glance, a tone, I do not hesitate, if my opinion +have the slightest value, to give the palm to the +Scotch.</p> + +<p>When, for instance, in lecturing, I remind my +audience that the English have given the British +Isles the name of "<i>United</i> Kingdom," the Scotch +shake with laughter: the little point of sarcasm +does not escape their intelligence. In England, I +am generally obliged to pause on it and give them +time to reflect; and once or twice, in the south, I +was seized with a great temptation to cry out, <i>à la</i> +Mark Twain, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is a +joke."</p> + +<p>I have found all my audiences sympathetic and +indulgent; but that which provokes a laugh in +the north, often leaves the south indifferent. In +Birmingham, Yorkshire, Lancashire, in all these +great centres of British activity, and in Scotland, +that which is appreciated in a humorous lecture<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 81]</span> +is a bit of covert satire—a pleasantry accompanied +by an imperturble look: the kind of fun that the +English themselves call "dry and quiet." In the +south, you often regret to see that a broad joke +brings you a roar of applause; while some of your +pet points, those that you are proudest of, will +pass almost unnoticed.</p> + +<p>Let me give you an idea of that which the +lecturer has to swallow sometimes.</p> + +<p>In a room, a few miles out of London, I had +just given a lecture to the members of a literary +Society.</p> + +<p>In this lecture, wishing to show to my audience +that enlightened and intelligent French people +know how to appreciate British virtues, I had +recited almost in its entirety that scene in the +<i>Prise de Pèkin</i>, in which the hero, a <i>Times</i> +correspondent, walks to execution with a firm +step, defying the Emperor of China and his +mandarins with the words, "La Hangleterre il +était le première nation du monde."</p> + +<p>The lecture over, I had retired with the chairman +to the committee-room. Immediately after, +a lady presented herself at the door and asked +the chairman to introduce me to her.</p> + +<p>After the usual salutations and compliments, +the worthy lady said to me pointblank:</p> + +<p>"You are not a Frenchman; I knew you were +an Englishman."</p> + +<p>"I am afraid the compliment is a little exaggerated," +I responded; "certainly you cannot<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 82]</span> +make me believe that I speak English so well as +to pass for an Englishman."</p> + +<p>"Oh! that is not it," she said; "but at the +end of your lecture you gave us a French quotation +with a very strong English accent."</p> + +<p>I begged the lady to excuse me, as "I had a +train to catch."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIII" id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Drollery of Scotch Phraseology.—A Scotchman who Lost his +Head.—Two Severe Wounds.—Premature Death.—A +Neat Comparison.—Cold Comfort.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap"> have spoken in a preceding chapter of +the picturesque manner in which the Scotch +people of the old school express themselves. +Here are two or three examples which will well +illustrate what I mean.</p> + +<p>I one day made the acquaintance of an old +Scotch soldier. He had been present at the battle +of Waterloo, and was fond of talking about the +Napoleonic wars.</p> + +<p>I started his favourite topic.</p> + +<p>He described the battle of Waterloo to me +with the most remarkable clearness. It was even +touching to hear him give the details of the death +of one of his comrades whose head had been shot +off by a cannon-ball.</p> + +<p>"Poor fellow," he added, "he will have to<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 83]</span> +appear at the Last Day with his head under his +arm."</p> + +<p>"Were you ever wounded, yourself?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes," replied the old Scot with an imperturbable +seriousness which made it impossible to +suppose that he intended a joke; "I received two +wounds—one at Quatre-Bras and the other in the +right leg."</p> + +<p>I once had a long conversation with an old lady +of eighty-two, whose grandfather had served, in +his youth, under Bonnie Prince Charlie. She +related to me all the wonderful adventures of her +ancestor, and when she had come to the end, +added, with a gravity that was sublime:</p> + +<p>"He's deed noo."</p> + +<p>The conversation of these Scots of the old +school is full of surprises. You must be ready for +anything. In the very middle of the most pathetic +story, out will come a remark that will make you +shake with laughter. This drollery has all the more +hold over you, because it is natural. The Scot is +too natural to aim at being amusing, and it is just +this simplicity, this <i>naturalness</i>, which disarms and +overcomes you.</p> + +<p>Donald has a way of looking at things which +gives his remarks a piquancy that is irresistible: +it almost takes your breath away sometimes, you +feel quite floored.</p> + +<p>A Scotch pastor was trying to give a farmer of +his parish an idea of the delights which await us +in Paradise.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 84]</span></p> + +<p>"Yes, Donald," he cried, "it is a perpetual +concert. There's Raphael singing, Gabriel accompanying +him on the harp, and all the angels +flapping their wings to express their joy. Oh, +Donald, what a sublime sight! You cannot imagine +anything like it."</p> + +<p>"Ay, ay, but I can," interrupted Donald. "It +is just like the geese flap their wings when we have +had a lang droot, an' they see the rain a comin'."</p> + +<p>In making this remark, nothing is further from +Donald's intention than to make a joke, or be +irreverent. He says it in all seriousness. It is in +this that a great charm of the Scotch phraseology +lies.</p> + +<p>A friend of mine told me that he was once +walking through a churchyard with a Scotchman, +and feeling a fit of sneezing coming on, he remarked +to his companion that he feared he had +taken a cold.</p> + +<p>"That's bad," replied the Scotchman, "but +there's mony a ane here who wad be glad o 't."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 85]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIV" id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Family Life—"Can I assist you?"—"No, I will assist myself, +thank you."—Hospitality in good Society.—The +Friends of Friends are Friends.—When the Visitors +come to an End there are more to follow.—Good +Society.—Women.—Men.—Conversation in Scotland.—A +Touching little Scene.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 62px;"> +<img src="images/capt2.jpg" width="62" height="80" alt="T" title="T" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">he hospitality of the Scotch, the simplicity +of their manners, and the authority which +the father wields, give Scotch family life +quite a patriarchal aspect.</p> + +<p>The existence which the Scotch lead is a little +morose in its austerity, but it becomes these cool, +calm people, brought up in a religion that is the +enemy of joyousness, and in a climate that induces +sadness. Gaiety is produced by an agreeable +sense of existence; it is the reflection of a +generous sun in temperate climates.</p> + +<p>Austerity banishes familiarity from family life +and engenders constraint. I have seen Scotch +homes where laughter is considered ill-bred, and +the joyous shouts of children are repressed. I +felt ill at ease there; that reserve inspired by an +overdrawn sense of propriety paralysed my tongue, +and I could only answer in monosyllables the +monosyllabic remarks of my host and hostess.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 86]</span> +Happily nothing more elaborate was expected of +me.</p> + +<p>"Is this your first visit to Scotland?"</p> + +<p>"No, I have had the pleasure of visiting Scotland +several times."</p> + +<p>"Our country must seem very dull to you after +France."</p> + +<p>"A little ... but I live in England."</p> + +<p>"Which do you like best, England or Scotland?"</p> + +<p>"Oh! Scotland, certainly."</p> + +<p>"It is very cold to-day."</p> + +<p>"Yes, but not colder than usual."</p> + +<p>Heaven be thanked! dinner is announced, and +I offer my arm to the lady of the house.</p> + +<p>It is a family dinner. My host has before him +a fine joint of beef, there are two chicken in front +of my hostess, and I am placed opposite a boiled +ham. A pair of carvers, laid with my cover, tell +me that I shall have to carve the ham which is +here eaten with the chicken. The idea is excellent; +but all at once, down go the heads almost to +the tablecloth. My host looks at the chicken, at +the ham, and lastly at the ribs of beef. His face +clouds and, bending over the beef, he growls a few +inarticulate words at it. It is not, as Mark Twain +would say, that there is anything the matter with +it, Scotch beef is the best in the world. These +words, that I was unable to catch the sense of, +were meant to invoke the blessing of Heaven on +the repast: it was Grace before meat. Very<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 87]</span> +right. I like the idea of thanking Heaven for its +favours, but why the frown?</p> + +<p>A servant stands behind his master's chair, +another behind my hostess.</p> + +<p>My host arms himself with his carving knife +and fork and, without relaxing a muscle of his +face, says to me:</p> + +<p>"Can I assist you to a little beef?"</p> + +<p>"No, thank you, I think I will take a little +chicken."</p> + +<p>"Can I assist you, my dear?" he said looking +at his wife.</p> + +<p>"No, thank you, I will assist myself," replies +that lady.</p> + +<p>"May I assist you to a slice of ham?" I ask, +seeing her put the wing of a chicken on her plate.</p> + +<p>"A very small piece, please."</p> + +<p>When everyone is <i>assisted</i>, conversation resumes +its little monosyllabic jog-trot, until the arrival of +the puddings and sweets, when each of us again +begins to propose to assist the other, and to think +"We will take a little of this or that."</p> + +<p>The sensation of needles and pins in your legs, +the phraseology that consists in expressing one's +thoughts by <i>I think I will take a little tart, I do not +think I will take any cheese, very little of this, a very +small piece of that</i>, when one feels hungry, +those few moments of solemn suspense during +which the company look at one another waiting +for the hostess to rise—all these things give you +cold shivers.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 88]</span></p> + +<p>At last the ladies withdraw, the men are left to +themselves, and you feel a little less restrained.</p> + +<p>I had already been present at many little scenes +of this kind in England, not in high society where +one finds much ease and liveliness, but in a few +middle-class houses among straight-laced people. +The little scene which I have attempted to describe +passed in a country mansion. Yet I cannot +enumerate all the delicate attentions with which +those kind Scotch people surrounded me during +my short stay among them. In most of the Scotch +houses where I had the honour of being entertained, +I found a generous and considerate hospitality, +a hospitality which was all the more +agreeable for not being overpowering. No fuss, +no noise, no frivolous politeness. On my arrival +the master of the house explained to me the +geography of his habitation.</p> + +<p>"This is the smoking-room, this the library, +here is the drawing-room, and there is your bedroom. +And now, my dear sir, be at home, or get +home."</p> + +<p>That is the best kind of hospitality. The +Scotchman puts all the resources of his house at +your disposition and, in a really hospitable spirit, +leaves you to use them according to your taste.</p> + +<p>Several families I know of keep open house all +the year round. The friends of friends are friends, +and are always well received no matter at what +hour they may make their appearance. Some will +arrive in time for dinner, play a game of billiards<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 89]</span> +and retire. At the breakfast table, the mistress of +the house enquires of her husband how many +guests he has, and he often finds it very difficult +to answer her question.</p> + +<p>I was very much amused one Sunday morning +in one of these houses. The breakfast was on the +table from nine to half-past twelve. The guests +took as much sleep as they liked and came down +when they pleased. When I thought they were all +down there were more to come. They helped +themselves to tea or coffee, and having boiled an +egg over the fire, set down comfortably to their +breakfast. Some had gone to church, others to +the library to smoke, or to the park to take the +air. Two only turned up at two o'clock to +luncheon. I should not wonder if one or two +stayed in bed all day, for I think I remember that, +at dinner-time, I saw a face or two that looked to +me like fresh acquaintances.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Good society is the same everywhere—like +hotels, as Edmond About said. It is only a +question of more or less manners in the first, and +more or less fleas in the second.</p> + +<p>In Scotland fleas are rare. They would starve +on the skin of the Scotch men and are too +well-mannered to attack that of the Scotch +ladies.</p> + +<p>As to good society it is no exception to the rule +here.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 90]</span></p> + +<p>To study the manners of the Scotch, as well as +to study the manners of any other nation, you +must mix with the middle classes, with the people +above all, for they are the real repository of the +traditions of the country. You must travel third-class; +there is nothing to be learnt in first. For +that matter, there is nothing alarming about that +in Scotland, their third-class carriages are superior +to our French seconds.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Scotchwoman is pretty.</p> + +<p>She has not the sparkling, piquant physiognomy +of the Frenchwoman; she has not the beautiful +clear grey eyes—those eyes so dreamy and tender—of +the Irishwoman. But she looks more simple +and reserved than her English sisters, although +her manner is just as frank.</p> + +<p>I have often admired Scotchwomen of a pronounced +Celtic type. They have large eyes, dark +and well shaped, with long lashes; their features +are admirably regular, they are generally rather +under middle height, with broad shoulders and +perfectly proportioned sculptural lines.</p> + +<p>Red hair is common in Scotland. One sees +more of it in Edinburgh and Glasgow than in the +whole of England; but the skin is so fine, the +features are so delicate, the complexion so clear, +that the little defect passes unperceived or forgiven.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 91]</span></p> + +<p>The men are hard and sinewy.</p> + +<p>In point of appearance I prefer the English +and Irish men. Scotchmen are well fitted for the +battle of life. They are useful to their country +but hardly ornamental.</p> + +<p>The Scotchman is absorbed in business. In his +leisure moments he goes into politics or theology; +he studies or takes outdoor exercise. He has +little time to consecrate to women. He prefers +the company of men.</p> + +<p>The women are timid, the men reserved, and if +you feel ready to undertake the burden of the +conversation, you will be listened to in Scotland; +but I cannot guarantee that you will be appreciated. +Your words are criticised, examined, and +sifted, and when you flatter yourself with the +sweet thought that you have given your host a +high idea of your conversational powers, you will +often only have succeeded in making a fool of +yourself in their eyes.</p> + +<p>Never try to entertain the Scotch. Rather hear +what they have to say. Reply to their questions; +but if you would inspire them with respect, be +sober in your speech, and above all avoid dogmatising. +Leave the door of discussion always open, +so that each member of the company may enter +easily. Many Frenchmen have the bad habit of +dogmatising, as if their verdicts were without +appeal. This habit is an outcome of our frank, +impulsive character; but the Scotch would be +slow in appreciating it.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 92]</span></p> + +<p>When a Scotchman asked me—which he invariably +did—what were my political opinions, I +answered him that a monarchy has its good points, +and a republic has incontestable advantages. +That allowed each one to express himself freely +upon the two forms of government, and instead of +entertaining them, I listened, which was infinitely +more prudent, and perhaps also more profitable +for me.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I have several times been a witness of very touching +little scenes in Scotland, which proved to me that +there are hearts of gold to be found under the +rough surfaces of Scotchmen.</p> + +<p>Here is one among many; it is a reminiscence +of my visit in a country seat not far from +Edinburgh.</p> + +<p>"I want to introduce you to an old lady, who +wishes very much to make your acquaintance," +said my host to me one day.</p> + +<p>"Who is the lady?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"It is an old servant who has been in the family +more than eighty years. It was she who brought +up my father, myself, and my children. She is +ninety-eight years old to-day, and with our care we +hope to see her live to a hundred."</p> + +<p>We went upstairs, and on the third floor we +entered a little suite of apartments, consisting of +two most comfortable rooms, a bedroom and a +little parlour. There we found the <i>old lady</i>, sitting<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 93]</span> +in an arm-chair, and having a chat with one of +the young ladies of the house.</p> + +<p>"Janet," said my host, "I bring you our friend +who wishes to present his respects to you."</p> + +<p>"I am no as active as I was," said the good old +soul to me, "but I am wonderfu' weel for my age. +I shall soon be a hundred years of age."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense," said my host kissing his old nurse, +"who told you that? You have forgotten how to +count, Janet; don't get absurd ideas into your +head."</p> + +<p>"We never leave her alone," he said to me; +"my wife and daughters take it in turn to pass the +day with her and amuse her. They bring their +needlework and help poor old Janet to forget time."</p> + +<p>I looked around me. The walls were covered +with drawings and a thousand ornaments that +only the heart of woman knows how to invent. +Never a good dish came on the table without +Janet having her share. At night all the family met +in her little parlour for prayers and Bible reading.</p> + +<p>I shook hands with the old servant and went +away greatly touched.</p> + +<p>"She is no longer a servant," said my host to +me; "she has property, and all the household call +her <i>the old lady</i>. She will be buried with us. I +have already seen to the carrying out of her wishes +on this subject. She wants to lie at the feet of the +family, and has begged to have her grave made +across the foot of ours. So I have bought a piece +of ground next to our vault, and Janet's desire is<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 94]</span> +to be carried out. We hope to keep her many +years yet; we shall all miss her when she is gone."</p> + +<p>All this was said without apparent emotion, +without the least ostentation.</p> + +<p>"Well," I said to myself, "in Scotland more +than anywhere one must not judge people by their +exterior."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XV" id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Little Sketches of Family Life in Scotland.—The Scotchman +of "John Bull and his Island."—Painful Explanations.—As +a Father I love you, as a Customer I take +you in.—A Good Investment.—Killing two Birds with +one Stone.—A Young Man in a Hurry.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 80px;"> +<img src="images/capw.jpg" width="80" height="80" alt="W" title="W" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">hat letters of recrimination I received +on the subject of a certain Scotchman +presented to the readers of <i>John Bull +and His Island</i>! What downpours!</p> + +<p>Some accused me of caricaturing, some of imposture. +Others, with more delicacy, hinted +that I should do better at novel writing than at +<i>impressions de voyage</i>.</p> + +<p>For a month my letter-box was besieged, and at +each <i>rat-tat</i> of the postman I used to say to myself: +"One more indignant Scotchman."</p> + +<p>After all, what had I done to draw down such +thunders?</p> + +<p>Here is the offending passage:</p> + +<p>"A young literary Scotchman of my acquaint<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 95]</span>ance +generally passes a month once a year in the +house of his father on the outskirts of Edinburgh. +His father is a Presbyterian minister in a very +enviable position. On the day of his departure, +my friend invariably finds beside his plate at +breakfast, a little paper carefully folded: it is the +detailed account of the repasts he has taken +during his stay under the paternal roof; in other +words, his bill."</p> + +<p>I never pretended to say that this kind of father +was common in Scotland. I did not say I knew +of two such fathers, I said I knew of one.</p> + +<p>The Scotch have not yet digested my delicious +Papa. In all parts of Scotland I was taken to +task in the same manner.</p> + +<p>"Come, come, my dear sir, own that it was not +true, confess that it was a little bit of your own +invention."</p> + +<p>"His name, what is his name?" cried a few +indiscreet ones.</p> + +<p>I convinced a few, a few remained undecided; +I even saw two or three go away still firmly +believing the story was a creation of my brain.</p> + +<p>I can only say that my friend did not appear to +grumble at his father's treatment, for he finished +by adding:</p> + +<p>"On the whole, I do not complain, the bill is +always very reasonable."</p> + +<p>For that matter, I have come across a better +case still.</p> + +<p>I know of a Scotch father who bought a house<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 96]</span> +for a thousand pounds and sold it to his son, six +months later, for twelve hundred.</p> + +<p>That is not all.</p> + +<p>The son had not the money in hand, and it was +the father who advanced the cash—at five per cent.</p> + +<p>Considering the price money is at nowadays, it +was an investment to be proud of.</p> + +<p>Do not imagine that the father ran the least +risk of losing the capital: he took a mortgage on +the house.</p> + +<p>The son, seeing that the money had been +advanced to him at high interest, paid off his +father as quickly as he could. He is now his own +landlord, and Papa is on the look-out for another +good investment.</p> + +<p>I should pity the reader, even were he a Scotchman +as seen through Sydney Smith's spectacles, +if he took this Caledonian for a typical portrait of +the Scotch father.</p> + +<p>At the beginning of this volume, I compared +the Scot to the Norman, and I may say that I +have witnessed, in Normandy, little scenes of +family life which are quite a match for those +I have just described. But the actors in them +were peasants.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I am indebted to a doctor in the neighbourhood +of Aberdeen for the following anecdote:</p> + +<p>"I was one day called to the bedside of an old +farmer who was dangerously ill," said the doctor<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 97]</span> +to me. "On leaving the patient's room, I took +his son aside and told him that it was useless for +me to deceive him as to the state of his father, +and that I very much feared he had not an hour +to live, or, at the best, could not outlast the day."</p> + +<p>"'Are you quite sure?' said the son, scrutinising +me keenly.</p> + +<p>"'I am only too sure,' I replied.</p> + +<p>"I shook the young man's hands and drove +away. I had scarcely been at home an hour, +when a little cart drew up before my door. I saw +the young farmer alight from it and, a minute +later, he entered my consulting room. He held +his cap in his hand, twisting it uneasily.</p> + +<p>"'Is your father worse?' I asked.</p> + +<p>"'No, doctor, just the same. I have come, +because I had a little business in town ... and I +wanted to ask you at the same time.... Well, +I thought that perhaps you wouldn't mind giving +me Father's certificate of death now.... As you +say it is certain he won't pull through the day, I +suppose you don't mind whether it is to-day or +to-morrow that you give it me, and it will save me +the trouble of coming in again on purpose.'</p> + +<p>"It was all I could do to make the young +fellow understand that I could not sign the +certificate of death of a man who was still alive.</p> + +<p>"The old farmer died next morning at nine +o'clock.</p> + +<p>"At ten, the son came to announce the news +and to ask me for the certificate."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 98]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVI" id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Matrimonial Ceremonies.—Sweethearts.—"Un Serrement de +main vaut dix serments de bouche."—"Jack's kisses were +nicer than that."—A Platonic Lover.—"Excuse me, +I'm married."—A wicked Trick.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">n Scotland, matrimonial ceremonies are as +simple as they are practical. No priest, +no mayor brought into requisition; you +take God and your friends to witness. You +present your choice to these latter, and say: "I +take Mary for my wife." The girl on her part +says: "I take Donald for my husband," and there +is an end of the matter. I need not say that you +can go to Church if you prefer it.</p> + +<p>Elementary as the ceremony is, the Scotchman +holds it none the less sacred for that. It is not +without long reflection that he enters into the holy +estate; and the law, which knows the sagacity +and constancy of the Scot, has not hesitated to +sanction such alliances.</p> + +<p>This matrimony made easy in nowise lures the +Scot into rushing at it headlong. Young couples +sometimes remain engaged for years before they +think of taking the great step. This is often +because the man's resources are not sufficient for +housekeeping, but oftener still because the young +people want to know each other thoroughly.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 99]</span></p> + +<p>I appreciate their prudence in the first case as +much as I blame it in the second.</p> + +<p>How can two affianced people know each other, +even if for years they try ever so hard?</p> + +<p>Love easily lives on trifles, flirtation, sentimental +walks, <i>billets doux</i>, and so on. The sky is serene, +the lovers sail on a smooth sea. How can they +know if they are really good sailors before they +have encountered a storm?</p> + +<p>When cares or misfortunes come, to say nothing +of the price of butter and the length of the butcher's +bill, then they make acquaintance. True love +resists these shocks and comes out triumphant, +but the <i>other</i> kind succumbs.</p> + +<p>Let lovers see each other every week, every day, +if you will, their main pastime is the repetition of +their vows: they learn nothing of married life. +The apprenticeship has to begin all over again the +day after the wedding. Lovers may see each +other every day, it is true, but <i>every day</i> is not <i>all +day</i>. Lovers are always on their guard; they put +a bridle on their tongues; before they meet, they +are careful to look in the glass and see that nothing +is amiss with their toilet; but when they are one +each side of the bedroom fireplace, he in slippers +and smoking-cap and she in curl-papers, then +comes the test.</p> + +<p>Familiarity breeds contempt, says the English +proverb. The love that is not based on deep-rooted +friendship, on solid virtues, on an amiable +philosophy, and careful diplomacy, will not survive<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 100]</span> +two years of matrimonial life. Scarcely any of +these things are called into requisition during the +courtship, and this is how <i>mariages de convenance</i> +often turn out better than love-matches. Matrimony +is a huge lottery in both cases.</p> + +<p>I prefer the love-making and matrimonial processes +of England and Scotland to our own French +ones; but if I had a marriageable daughter, I +should be sorry to see her give her heart to a man +who could not marry her for several years.</p> + +<p>The danger with long engagements is that they +often do not end in matrimony, and in such a +case a young girl's future is blighted.</p> + +<p>I do not know if you are of my opinion, dear +Reader, but, according to my taste, making love to +a girl who has been engaged five or six years, is +like sitting down to a dish of <i>réchauffé</i>. Seeing +the liberty that British usage accords to engaged +couples, I maintain that pure as the lady may be +and is, she is none the less a flower that has been +breathed upon and has lost some of its value. +For my part, I should always be afraid to give her +a kiss, for fear she should pout and seem to say:</p> + +<p>"Jack's kisses were far nicer than that!"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I extract the following anecdote from the Memoirs +of Doctor John Brown, a well-known Scotch +divine.</p> + +<p>The doctor, it appears, had for six years and a +half been engaged to be married to a certain lady,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 101]</span> +when it occurred to him that matters were no +further advanced than on the day when he had +asked her for her heart and its dependencies. +The position became intolerable: the doctor had +not yet ventured on anything less ceremonious +than shaking hands with his lady-love. To touch +her hand was something, and perhaps the reverend +gentleman thought, with our French poet:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p> +<i>Ce gage d'amitié plus qu'un autre me touche:<br /> +Un serrement de main vaut dix serments de bouche.</i><br /> +</p></div> + +<p>However, one day, he summoned up all his +courage, and, as they sat in solemn silence, said +suddenly:</p> + +<p>"Janet, we've been acquainted noo six years +an' mair, and I've ne'er gotten a kiss yet. D' ye +think I might take one, my bonnie lass?"</p> + +<p>"What, noo, at once?" cried Janet rather taken by surprise.</p> + +<p>"Yes, noo."</p> + +<p>"Just as you like, John; only be becoming and +proper wi' it."</p> + +<p>"Surely, Janet, and we'll ask a blessing first," +said the young doctor.</p> + +<p>The blessing was asked, the kiss was taken, and +the worthy divine, perfectly overcome with the +blissful sensation, rapturously exclaimed:</p> + +<p>"Eh, lass, but it is guid. We'll return thanks."</p> + +<p>This they did, and the biographer adds that, six +months later, this pious couple were made one +flesh and lived a long life of happy usefulness.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 102]</span></p> + +<p>The following little scene, of which a friend was +witness in Scotland, will show that if Scotch +people in general can see through a joke, there are +also a few who belong to the type described by +Sydney Smith, and for whom the <i>surgical operation</i> +is a sad necessity.</p> + +<p>Several persons had met together in a Scotch +drawing-room, and were passing the evening in +playing at simple games. One of these games +consisted in each person going out of the room in +turn, while the company agreed upon a word to +be guessed at by the absent member on his or her +return.</p> + +<p>A young lady had just gone out of the room.</p> + +<p>During her absence the word <i>passionately</i> was +chosen.</p> + +<p>The young lady having been recalled, each +member of the party in turn went through a little +performance that should lead her to guess the +word, addressing her in passionate language, while +expressing with the features as much love, despair, +or anger, as possible.</p> + +<p>A Scotchman, who looked ill at ease, whispered +in my friend's ear:</p> + +<p>"What must I do?"</p> + +<p>"Try to look madly in love," said my friend, +ready to burst out laughing at the sight of the long +serious face of his neighbour.</p> + +<p>"Couldn't you suggest me something to say?"</p> + +<p>"Why, make the young lady a declaration of +love. Say: 'It is useless to hide my feelings from<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 103]</span> +you any longer; I love you, I adore you,' and then +throw yourself at her feet and——"</p> + +<p>"Excuse me," said the poor fellow quite upset, +"but I'm married."</p> + +<p>When the young lady came to him, he begged +her politely to excuse him, and thought himself +safe; unhappily he was not at the end of his +troubles yet.</p> + +<p>My friend, whose turn came next, threw himself +on his knees, and, with haggard eyes and ruffled +hair, thus addressed her:</p> + +<p>"Dear young lady, this gentleman, whom you +see at my side, is nervous and shy; he loves you +and dares not to tell his love."</p> + +<p>"But, excuse me," cried the Scotchman.</p> + +<p>"Listen not to him, he is dying of love. If +you do not return his flame, I know him, he will +do something desperate. Have pity on him, dear +lady, have pity."</p> + +<p>"<i>Passionately!</i>" cried the young girl.</p> + +<p>The worthy Scot, who had not been able to +screw up his courage to play the part of a passionate +lover, was soon after missed from the company.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 104]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVII" id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Donald is not easily knocked down.—He calmly contemplates +Death, especially other People's.—A thoughtful Wife.—A +very natural Request.—A Consolable Father.—"Job," +1st Chapter, 21st Verse.—Merry Funerals.—They manage +Things better in Ireland.—Gone just in Time.—Touching +Funeral Orations.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">f folks do not laugh much at a wedding +in Scotland, they make up for it at a +funeral.</p> + +<p>Let me hasten to say, that I am sure it would be +insulting the reader's intelligence to tell him that +this applies only to the lower classes.</p> + +<p>As a good Christian and a man who has led +a busy and useful life, Donald calmly contemplates +the approach of death—especially other people's.</p> + +<p>Death is always near, he says to himself, and a +wise man should not be alarmed at its approach.</p> + +<p>Thus fortified with wisdom, he calmly looks the +evil in the face, and lets it not disturb his little +jog-trot existence. This does not imply that he is +wanting in affection, it only means that he accepts +the inevitable without murmuring, and that in him +reason has the mastery over sentiment.</p> + +<p>A <i>guid</i> wife would say to her husband in the +most natural way in the world:</p> + +<p>"Donald, I do not think you have long to live.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 105]</span> +Have you any special request to make me? +Whom would you like invited to your funeral? +Do you wish Jamie to be chief mourner?" and +so on.</p> + +<p>An Edinburgh lady told me that her housemaid +one morning came and asked her for leave of +absence until six in the evening, saying that her +sister was to be buried that day.</p> + +<p>The permission was granted, of course.</p> + +<p>The Scotch know how to keep their word. At +six o'clock precisely the maid returned, but wanted +to know whether she might have the evening free +as well.</p> + +<p>"What do you want the evening for?" asked her +mistress.</p> + +<p>"Oh! ma'am," replied the lassie, "the rest of +the family want to finish the day at the theatre, +and they asked me to go with them."</p> + +<p>Impossible to refuse so natural a request.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>This trait of the Scotch character is often to be +met with in the superior classes also.</p> + +<p>Here is a very striking example of it.</p> + +<p>One of my friends, an eminent professor at one +of the great English public schools, had taken to +Braemar with him a young Scotchman of great +promise whom he wished not to lose sight of +during the long summer vacation.</p> + +<p>The mornings and evenings were devoted to +study. The hot afternoons were spent with Horace<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 106]</span> +and Euripides, on the bank of the Dee, in the +shade of the trees that crowd down to the water's +brink, as if they were all eager to gaze at their +own reflection in the river.</p> + +<p>During the dry season the stream is fordable in +several places, and many times had the young +Scotchman crossed it.</p> + +<p>Wishing to pass a week with his family before +school reopened, the pupil had told his professor +that he wished to leave Braemar before him.</p> + +<p>The day before that which he had fixed for his +departure, a fearful storm had burst over the +neighbourhood.</p> + +<p>Arrived with his knapsack on his back at the +banks of the Dee, he saw before him, not a peaceful +stream, but an angry torrent, swollen and lashed +to fury by the storm.</p> + +<p>The young Scotchman was not to be intimidated. +He had crossed many times, and he would do it +again. Besides, the only other way of getting to +the station was by going two or three miles +further down and taking the boat. He prepared +to ford the stream.</p> + +<p>Next day the poor young fellow's corpse, bruised +and mangled, was found a mile down the river.</p> + +<p>It would be beyond my powers to describe the +despair of the professor, when he heard of the +terrible catastrophe. Entrusted with the care of +the young man, he felt as if guilty of his death. +What could he say to the unhappy parents?</p> + +<p>A telegram was despatched to the father, who<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 107]</span> +arrived the day after. My friend went to meet +him at the station. What was his relief when he +heard this father say to him: "The Lord gave, +and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the +name of the Lord."</p> + +<p>And he added:</p> + +<p>"This sublime passage is from <i>Job</i>, first chapter +and twenty-second verse—let me see, is it the +twenty-first or the twenty-second verse? It is the +twenty-first, I am pretty sure."</p> + +<p>"I fear I cannot say," replied my friend.</p> + +<p>They walked, discussing the Book of <i>Job</i> the +while, to the house where lay the remains of the +unfortunate youth.</p> + +<p>Do not suppose that the Scotchman ran to +imprint a farewell kiss on the brow of his dead +son. He seized upon a Bible that lay on the +drawing-room table, turned to the Book of <i>Job</i>, and +having found the passage he had quoted, said +with a triumphant look at the professor:</p> + +<p>"It is the twenty-first verse—I knew I was +right."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>In days gone by, Scotch funerals were made the +occasions of visiting and great drinking. During +the week that preceded the actual burying, open +house was kept for the relatives and friends of the +<i>corpse</i>,<a name="FNanchor_A_3" id="FNanchor_A_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_3" class="fnanchor">[C]</a> and prodigious quantities of whisky were +<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 108]</span> +consumed. These scenes took place among the +aristocracy and the gentry as well as among +the lower classes, and they culminated in a general +drinking bout on the day of the interment.</p> + +<p>The route of the funeral procession might be +traced by the victims of Scotch hospitality to +be seen lying helplessly inebriated by the wayside, +and only a small remnant of it reached the graveyard. +More than once was the coffin, which was +carried by hand, left by the hedge, and the burial +put off until the morrow. After several stages +the defunct reached his long home.<a name="FNanchor_A_4" id="FNanchor_A_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_4" class="fnanchor">[D]</a></p> + +<p>To-day such scenes would excite as much disgust +in Scotland as anywhere else. Scotch manners +and customs have greatly toned down.</p> + +<p>In the lower classes, however, the burial of a +relative is still an occasion for Bacchanalian +festivities, and the day is finished up, as we have +seen, at the theatre or other place of entertainment, +where a pleasant evening can be spent.</p> + +<p>But what is this in comparison with that which +still goes on in Ireland in our day? That is where +the thing is brought to perfection.</p> + +<p>As I fear I might be taxed with imposture, if I +attempted to give a description of the Irish wake, +I will pass the pen to an English journalist.</p> + +<p>A woman having died suddenly at Waterford, +the Coroner had, according to law, ordered an +inquest. Here is the deposition of the police +<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 109]</span> +constable; I extract it from my newspaper (May +8th, 1887):</p> + +<p>"When I entered the house last night, I found +all the family in the room where the coffin was. +They were all drunk. The deceased had been +raised to a sitting posture in the coffin, and, by +means of cords attached to her hands and feet, +was being made to execute all kinds of marionette +performances. It was like a <i>Punch and Judy</i> show, +at which the corpse played the part of <i>Punch</i>. One +of the sons was seated near the coffin playing a +concertina. When they saw me enter, the young +men quarrelled over the body, and danced around +madly to the sound of the instrument. I had the +greatest difficulty to get possession of the corpse +for the inquest."</p> + +<p>One would think one was reading a description +of some scene of life in an out-of-the-way island of +Oceania, instead of the sister-isle of civilised +England.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>One more anecdote to show that Donald views +the approach of dissolution in his neighbour, +without alarm.</p> + +<p>An old Scotchman, feeling death at hand, had +bidden all his family to his bedside.</p> + +<p>"I have sent for you," he said to them, "in order +to give you my last commands. I leave my house +and all that belongs to it to my son Donald, as +well as all my cattle."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 110]</span></p> + +<p>"Puir old father, he keeps his faculties to the +last," said Donald to his neighbour.</p> + +<p>"As for my personal property, I desire that it +may be divided equally between...."</p> + +<p>Here the old man's voice failed. He made a +last effort to speak. His children bent down to +catch his words.</p> + +<p>He was dead.</p> + +<p>"Puir father," cried Donald, "he is gone just +as he was beginning to rave."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Here is a touching funeral oration.</p> + +<p>Donald had just had the misfortune to lose on +the same day his wife and his cow.</p> + +<p>"Oh, my poor Janet," he lamented, "why have +ye left me? Wha 'll gie me back my Janet?"</p> + +<p>"Nonsense! you will soon get over it," said a +friend, "times cures every ill. You'll marry again +by-and-by."</p> + +<p>"It may be, I dinna say no; but wha 'll gie me +back my Janet?"</p> + +<p>Janet, as the reader may have divined, was the +name of the "coo."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 111]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVIII" id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Intellectual Life in Scotland.—The Climate is not so bad as +it is represented to be.—Comparisons.—Literary and +Scientific Societies.—Why should not France possess +such Societies?—Scotch Newspapers.—Scotland is the +Sinew of the British Empire.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 56px;"> +<img src="images/caph.jpg" width="56" height="80" alt="H" title="H" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">ow active and intellectual life in Scotland +seems, in comparison with the petty and +monotonous existence led by the dwellers +in Provincial France!</p> + +<p>Is it the climate that so stirs the Scotch up to +action? Possibly it may be, up to a certain point: +in a cold damp climate, a man feels it imperative +to keep his brain and body stirring; however, it +is not fair to abuse that poor Scotch climate too +much. I saw roses blooming on the walls of a +house I visited at in Helensburgh last January, +and I culled primroses in the open air in February, +at Buckie on the north coast of Scotland.</p> + +<p>Scotch intellectual activity is the result of a +widespread education which is within the reach +of the poorest.</p> + +<p>Enter the lowliest cottage and you will find +books there—the Bible, books on agriculture, a +novel or two, and almost invariably the poems of +their dear Burns.</p> + +<p>There is no little town of three or four thousand<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 112]</span> +inhabitants but has its Literary and Scientific +Society.</p> + +<p>In some cases, a rich philanthropist has come +forward with a sum of money to build a suitable +home for the Society, but very often no such +building exists, and the meetings are held in the +Town Hall, or some other public edifice of the +place.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Scotchwomen are excellent housewives. In +their leisure time they draw, write, and make +themselves acquainted with the social, religious, +and political, questions of the day.</p> + +<p>They organise societies for the help of the poor, +or get up concerts in aid of the unfortunate. On +Sundays, they teach the Bible to the children of +the poor. The old maids hunt out cases of distress +and make themselves useful to the community: +they do the house-to-house visitation.</p> + +<p>At any rate it is living.</p> + +<p>Compare this existence with life as led in Provincial +France, where people are wrapped up in +their own family circle, take to keeping birds, and +divide their spare time between saying their +<i>pater nosters</i> and criticising their neighbours.</p> + +<p>In Paris there is too much life, and in the +provinces too little. All the blood goes to the head, +and the body droops and is paralysed. It is the +initiative spirit that is wanting; for, thank Heaven, +it is neither the brain nor the money that lacks.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 113]</span></p> + +<p>I spoke of Buckie at the commencement of this +chapter. You have probably never heard of +Buckie, dear Reader. I assure you that a few +months ago I was in the same state of ignorance. +My lecturing manager had marked this little town +on my list. I was invited to lecture at Buckie, it +appeared.</p> + +<p>This little hive of three or four thousand bees +looked to me, as I alighted from the train, like a +most insignificant little place.</p> + +<p>The chief doctor of the town, having written to +offer me hospitality for the night, had come to the +station to meet me.</p> + +<p>"Do you mean to say you have a Literary +Society here?" I said to him.</p> + +<p>"I should think so indeed," he replied; "and a +very flourishing one it is."</p> + +<p>"It is a manufacturing town, I suppose?"</p> + +<p>"Well, no; we have here a few well-to-do +families. The rest of the town consists of farmers, +shopkeepers, and fisherfolk."</p> + +<p>"I hope the lecture-room is a small one," I +remarked.</p> + +<p>"Make yourself easy about that," he replied; +"our room holds from seven to eight hundred +people, but I guarantee it will be full to-night. +They will all want to come and hear what the +Frenchman has got to say."</p> + +<p>I pretended to feel reassured, but I was far from +being so.</p> + +<p>His prediction was verified after all, and never<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 114]</span> +did I have a more intelligent and appreciative +audience.</p> + +<p>Surely Lyons, Marseilles, Lille, Nantes, Nancy, +Bordeaux, ought to be able to do what can be +done by Buckie!</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I doubt whether the Scotch are more intelligent +than the English (I mean the masses), but they +are still more energetic and persevering, much +more frugal and economical, and certainly more +intellectual; that is to say, that the pleasures they +seek after are of a higher order.</p> + +<p>The Scotch are great readers.</p> + +<p>In their public libraries, I have seen hundreds +of workmen and labourers thronged around the +tables, and absorbed in reading the newspapers.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Scotch papers, such as the <i>Scotsman</i>, the +<i>Glasgow Herald</i>, the <i>Glasgow News</i>, the <i>British Mail</i>, +are in no wise behind the London papers in importance +or in literary merit. They have their +own correspondents in all the capitals of the +world, and get the news of the day at first +hand.</p> + +<p>Comic papers are remarkable by their absence. +The Scot does not throw away his time and money +on such trifles.</p> + +<p>On the other hand, religious papers swarm and +make their fortune.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 115]</span></p> + +<p>The famous <i>Edinburgh Review</i> has perhaps no +longer quite the reputation it used to enjoy, but it +is still one of the most important <i>Reviews</i> of Great +Britain.</p> + +<p>Yes, in all truth, Scotland is an energetic, robust, +and intelligent, nation.</p> + +<p>It is the sinew of the British Empire.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIX" id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Higher Education in Scotland.—The Universities.—How +they differ from English Universities.—Is he a Gentleman?—Scholarships.—A +Visit to the University of Aberdeen.—English +Prejudice against Scotch Universities.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 53px;"> +<img src="images/caps.jpg" width="53" height="80" alt="S" title="S" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">cotland boasts four universities: +Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen, and St. +Andrew's.</p> + +<p>These four great centres of learning constitute +the system of Higher Education in Scotland.</p> + +<p>These universities differ essentially from the +two great English ones, first because men go there +to work, secondly because they are open to the +people. A peasant's son, like Thomas Carlyle for +instance, can go there without fearing that his +fellow-students will avoid him because he comes +of a poor family.</p> + +<p>When a new student arrives at Oxford or +Cambridge, the others do not enquire whether<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 116]</span> +he is a clever fellow or a dunce; what they want +to know is what his father is, and who was his +grandfather. It is only after obtaining a satisfactory +answer to these questions that they +associate with the new comer.</p> + +<p>In Scotland, as in France, every man who is +well educated and has the manners of good +society is a gentleman. The son of a peasant +possessing these is received everywhere.</p> + +<p>Each Scotch university offers from fifty to +eighty scholarships, varying in value from £8 to +£70. These sums, paid annually to the winners +of the scholarships, help them to live while they +are devoting their time to study.</p> + +<p>The most admirable thing about high education +in Scotland is that it is put within the reach of all, +and is not, as it is in England, a sugarplum held +so high as to be often unattainable.</p> + +<p>The result is that every intelligent young Scotchman +may aim at entering a profession. There +may be in this a little danger to the commerce and +agriculture of the country. However, these young +men do not encumber Scotland; their studies fit +them for a lucrative career, which they often go +and seek in the Colonies. An Australian friend +told me recently that more than half the doctors +in Victoria were Scotchmen.</p> + +<p>I have spoken, in a previous chapter, of the +privations that Scotch undergraduates will often +impose upon themselves. Nothing is more remarkable +than the sustained application and<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 117]</span> +indefatigable will which they bring to bear on +their studies. Nothing distracts them from their +aim; they never lose sight of the diploma that +will be their bread-winner. I have seen them at +work, these Scotch students. I visited the School +of Medicine at Aberdeen University, in the company +of Dr. John Struthers, the learned Professor +of Anatomy. I was struck, in passing through +the dissecting room, to see about fifty students, +without any professor, so absorbed in their work +that not one of them lifted his head as we +passed.</p> + +<p>In France it would have been very different: +every eye would have been turned to the stranger, +and all through the room there would have been a +whisper of <i>Qui ça</i>? And then remarks and jokes +would have run rife.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The English are very prejudiced against the +Scotch universities.</p> + +<p>How many times have I been told in England +that young fellows, who fail to obtain their +medical diploma in England, could get them +easily enough in Scotland. Nothing is more +absurd; if ever it was so, it was a long while ago. +In these days, the examinations of the four Scotch +faculties are quite as severe and quite as difficult +as the English ones.</p> + +<p>Whenever there is a vacant mastership in an +English public school advertised in the news<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 118]</span>papers, +it is always stated that the candidates for +the post must be graduates of one of the universities +of the United Kingdom. This does not +alter the fact that candidates, who are not Oxford +or Cambridge men, have no chance of being +elected. I have known Scotch masters in the +public schools. They had studied at Edinburgh, +Glasgow, or Aberdeen, but had gone to Oxford or +Cambridge to reside, in order to obtain an English +degree.</p> + +<p>Why is this?</p> + +<p>Simply because these two great English universities +give their old scholars an importance, not +necessarily literary or scientific, but social; they +stamp them gentlemen.</p> + +<p>Whatever the English may say, the universities +of old Scotland are the nurseries of learned and +useful citizens. Of this they would soon be convinced +if they would visit those great centres of +intellectual activity. But this is just what they +avoid doing. When the English go to Scotland, +it is to fish or to shoot in the Highlands, and +whatever they may get in the way of game or fish, +they do not pick up much serious information on +the subject of Scotland.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 119]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XX" id="CHAPTER_XX"></a>CHAPTER XX.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Scotch Literature.—Robert Burns.—Walter Scott.—Thomas +Carlyle and Adam Smith.—Burns Worship.—Scotch +Ballads and Poetry.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 53px;"> +<img src="images/caps.jpg" width="53" height="80" alt="S" title="S" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">cotland possesses a national literature +of which the greatest nations might justly +be proud.</p> + +<p>To take only the great names, it may safely be +said that more touching and sublime poetry than +that of Burns was never written, that Walter +Scott was the greatest novelist of the century, that +Thomas Carlyle has never been surpassed as a +historian and essayist, and that Adam Smith's +<i>The Wealth of Nations</i> can be considered as the +basis of modern political economy.</p> + +<p>I pass over the Humes, Smolletts, and other +illustrious representatives of Scotch literature, +on whom I certainly do not intend to write an +essay.</p> + +<p>But how can one speak of Scotland without +devoting a few words to Robert Burns? In their +worship of their great poet I see a trait characteristic +of the Scotch people.</p> + +<p>Scotland is above all things full of practical +common sense, but it is steeped to the brim in +poetry. There is poetry at the core of every Scot.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 120]</span> +Visit the castle of the rich, or the cottage of the +poor, or step into your hotel bedroom, and you +will see the portrait of the graceful bard.</p> + +<p>I happened to be in Edinburgh on the 25th of +January, the anniversary of Burns' birth. The +theatres were empty. Everyone was celebrating +the anniversary. Dinners, meetings, lectures were +consecrated to Burns; and that which was passing +in Edinburgh was also passing, on a small scale, +in every little Scotch village.</p> + +<p>It was a national communion.</p> + +<p>Burns wrote in Scotch, and in celebrating the +anniversary of his birth, they celebrated a national +fête. His poetry reminds them that they belong +to a nation perfectly distinct from England, a +nation having a literature of her own. This is +why his memory is revered by high and low alike. +The Scotch could no more part with their Burns +than England with Shakespeare, or Italy with +Dante. The Gaelic tongue is rapidly dying out, +Scotch customs become more and more English +every day, but each year only adds to the glory of +Robert Burns. His poems have run rapidly through +many editions—they have reached more than a +hundred up to now—the sad story of his life is +retold every year, and his portrait is still in great +demand. The popularity Burns still enjoys in +Scotland may be judged from the fact than in one +single shop in Edinburgh there are twenty thousand +portraits of the poet sold annually.</p> + +<p>Whilst the English allow the house which<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 121]</span> +Carlyle inhabited for so many years at Chelsea to +go to ruins, the Scotch take a pride in showing the +stranger the little clay cottage where Burns first +saw the light on the 25th of January, 1759.</p> + +<p>It is with real regret that I turn from the subject +of the "Ayrshire Ploughman," his life and his +works. Few poets have united as he has, delicate +pathos and comic force, pure <i>rêverie</i> and the sense +of the grotesque. But after all, I should but do +what has been done over and over again by his +numerous biographers, the chief of whom are +Carlyle, Chambers, and Professor Shairp.</p> + +<p>Longfellow has said that what Jasmin, the +author of the <i>The Blind Girl of Castel Cuillé</i>, was +to the south of France, Burns was to the south of +Scotland: the representative of the heart of the +people.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Nothing can be more suave, piquant, and +picturesque than the wild and primitive melodies +of the songs of Scotland. The Scotch ballad is +the spontaneous production of the touching and +simple genius of the nation.</p> + +<p>The words are full of pathos and rustic humour. +The music is light, often plaintive, always graceful. +The whole has a delicious perfume of the +mountain. I know of no other kind of song to +compare with it, unless it were perhaps the songs +of the Tyrol and a few <i>Breton</i> ballads.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 122]</span></p> + +<p>The verses of Burns and other Scotch poets +have inspired some of the greatest musicians. +Mendelssohn was a great admirer of them.</p> + +<p>Madame Patti delights to charm her audiences +with "Comin' thro' the rye," or "Within a mile o' +Edinbro' town," and these vocal gems suit the +supple voice of the inimitable songstress; they +even suit her very person, as she sings them in her +arch manner, and finishes up with a saucy little +curtsey.</p> + +<p>The songs of Scotland, old as they are most of +them, have lost nothing of their freshness. They +are still the delight of the nation.<a name="FNanchor_A_5" id="FNanchor_A_5"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_5" class="fnanchor">[E]</a></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXI" id="CHAPTER_XXI"></a>CHAPTER XXI.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>The Dance in Scotland.—Reels and Highland Schottische.—Is +Dancing a Sin?—Dances of Antiquity.—There is +no Dancing now.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 60px;"> +<img src="images/capp.jpg" width="60" height="80" alt="P" title="P" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">eople do not dance now—in drawing-rooms +at least—they walk, says M. +Ratisbonne.</p> + +<p>In Scotland, however, people still dance.</p> + +<p>The Scotch have preserved the primitive, innocent, +pastoral character of this exercise.</p> + +<p>Nothing is more graceful than the reel and +schottische of the Highlands.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 123]</span></p> + +<p>The reel demands great agility. Two swords +are placed crosswise on the ground and, to the +sound of bagpipes, Donald executes double and +triple pirouettes in and out, carefully avoiding the +weapons.</p> + +<p>Ask me how Society dances in Scotland and I +will answer: just as it does elsewhere, but with a +gravity that would do honour to our senators.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Scotch are not all agreed as to whether +dancing is sinful or not.</p> + +<p>Certain dwellers in the Highlands look on it as +the eighth deadly sin; the Shakers, on the +contrary, consider it as the most edifying of religious +exercises.</p> + +<p>Between the two, the margin is wide.</p> + +<p>Socrates, the wisest of men in the eyes of +Apollo, admired this exercise and learned dancing +in his old age. Homer speaks of Merion as a good +dancer, and adds that the grace and agility he +had acquired in dancing rendered him superior to +all the Greek and Trojan warriors.</p> + +<p>Dancing was among the religious acts of the +Hebrews, Greeks, and Egyptians. The early +Fathers of the Church led the dance of the children +at solemn festivals.</p> + +<p>The holy king David danced in front of the +Ark, as we know by the Scriptures.</p> + +<p>Real virtue is amiable, and tolerance and gaiety +are its distinguishing marks.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 124]</span></p> + +<p>For my part, I know no more charming sight +than those village dances, becoming, alas! more +and more rare. Boys and girls gave themselves +up to mirthful pleasure without thought of harm, +and these pastoral fêtes kept alive joy and innocence +in the hearts of our villagers. We are +growing too serious, the railways and telegraph +have upset us and enervated us, we are getting +languid and dull.</p> + +<p>If I am to believe the Scotch, with whom I +have talked on the subject, it is not dancing that +they object to, it is the fashion in which people +dance nowadays. They admire the contre-dance +and minuet, but consider it improper that a man +should whirl round a room with a half-dressed +lady in his arms.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXII" id="CHAPTER_XXII"></a>CHAPTER XXII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>The Wisdom of Scotland.—Proverbs.—Morals in Words +and Morals in Deeds.—Maxims.—The Scot is a Judge +of Human Nature.—Scotch and Norman Proverbs +compared.—Practical Interpretation of a Passage of the +Bible.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">n a country where everyone moralises, one +may expect to find a great number of +proverbs, those time-honoured oracles of +the wisdom of nations.</p> + +<p>And, indeed, Scotland, the home of moral<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 125]</span> +phrases <i>par excellence</i>, owns more than three +thousand proverbs.</p> + +<p>These proverbs show up all the characteristics +of the Scotch people, their prudence, caution, +sagacity, self-confidence, and knowledge of human +nature.</p> + +<p>Several of them are not exclusively Scotch, +whatever the Scotch people may say. We have, in +Normandy, many which may differ slightly in the +wording, but which express the same ideas, a fact +which shows once more how many traits of character +the Scot has in common with the Norman.</p> + +<p>Here are a few:</p> + +<p><i>Mony smas mak a muckle.</i> The French say "Little +streams make big rivers."</p> + +<p><i>Anes payit never cravit</i> (no more debts, no more +bothers). The French go further when they say: +"A man is the richer for paying his debts." I am +afraid the truth of this adage might fail to strike +the Scotchman at first sight. The only privilege +of a proverb is to be incontestable. This French +proverb smacks of the sermon, it oversteps the +mark.</p> + +<p><i>A cat may look at a king.</i> One man is as good +as another. This illustrates the independence of +the Scotch character.</p> + +<p><i>Be a frien' to yoursel', an sae will ithers.</i> "Help +yourself and Heaven will help you."</p> + +<p><i>We'll bark oursels ere we buy dogs sae dear.</i> A good +maxim of political economy: "Don't pay others +to do what you can do for yourself."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 126]</span></p> + +<p><i>A' Stuarts are na sib to the King</i>: All Stuarts are +not related to the King. The French say: "The +frock does not make the monk."</p> + +<p><i>Guid folk are scarce, tak care o' me.</i> The Normans +say: "Good folks are scarce in the parish, take +care of me."</p> + +<p><i>He that cheats me ance, shame fa' him; he that +cheats me twice, shame fa' me.</i> A proverb that well +illustrates Scotch caution.</p> + +<p>The fear of the devil has inspired many Scotch +proverbs, which are in constant use still.</p> + +<p><i>The de'il's nae sae ill as he's caaed.</i> A delicate little +compliment to his Satanic Majesty: the Scot is +right, one never knows what may happen, it is as +well to make friends with the mammon of unrighteousness. +A personage who receives so few +compliments is likely to remember with pleasure +the folks who pay them.</p> + +<p>The same neat spirit of flattery is visible in the +following proverb:</p> + +<p><i>It's a sin to lee on the de'il.</i></p> + +<p><i>The de'il's bairns hae de'il's luck, and the de'il's aye +gude to his ain</i>, are used to hurl at people who +excite jealousy by their success.</p> + +<p>Scotch sarcasm is well illustrated in such a +proverb as:</p> + +<p><i>Ye wad do little for God gin the de'il war deid.</i> This +is reducing the <i>unco' guid</i> to the level of devil +dodgers.</p> + +<p><i>It's ill to wauken sleepin' dogs.</i> This is rather hard +on the dog, who certainly cannot be considered the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 127]</span> +emblem of wickedness and hypocrisy. In France +we say: "Do not waken the sleeping cat," and I +think with more show of reason.</p> + +<p>The following is full of poetry:</p> + +<p><i>The evening bring a' hame.</i> The evening brings +the family together around the hearth, and in the +evening of life man turns his thoughts homewards, +forgets the faults of his neighbours, and lays aside +disputes and strivings.</p> + +<p><i>Let him tak a spring on his ain fiddle</i>, says a proverb +that illustrates the coolness with which Donald +will bide his time. A lawyer, who had to listen to +an eloquent tirade of an opponent in court, contented +himself with remarking: "Aweel, aweel, +sir, you're welcome to a tune on your ain fiddle; +but see if I dinna gar ye dance till't afore it's +dune."</p> + +<p>The same idea occurs in:</p> + +<p><i>Ne'er let on but laugh i' your ain sleeve.</i></p> + +<p><i>A travelled man has leave to lee</i>: Folks will not go +to far countries to prove his words. O Tartarin +de Tarascon!</p> + +<p><i>Better learn by your neighbour's skaith than your ain +skin.</i> So might Cleopatra have said when she tried +the effect of poisons on her slaves before making +her own choice.</p> + +<p><i>Drink little that ye may drink lang</i>, is a piece of +advice Donald has well laid to heart, only he has +modified the first part considerably.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I think I have quoted enough proverbs to prove<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 128]</span> +that the Scot has the measure of his neighbour, +and knows how to make use of him.</p> + +<p>Most of them have a smack of realism which +shows that Donald has a serious aim in life, that +of being a successful man.</p> + +<p>Even the use he makes of the precepts of the +Bible proves it. He uses his Bible, but adapts to +his purpose the lessons he finds therein.</p> + +<p>The Bible is his servant rather than his master, +and has this good about it, that with a little +cleverness it can be made to prove anything.</p> + +<p>If he sometimes come across a precept which is +perfectly clear and irrefutable, Donald does not +scruple to ignore it.</p> + +<p>I was talking with a Scotchman one evening +about the different religions of the world, and I +remarked to him that when the Mussulmans call +us "dogs of Christians," it is not because we are +Christians, for they are admirers of the Christian +religion, but simply because we do not follow the +precepts of Christianity.</p> + +<p>"The Mussulmans are quite right," I said, +"Christianity is the grandest thing in the world; +but Christians are mostly 'Pharisees and hypocrites' +who believe little in their religion and act +up to it still less."</p> + +<p>He, on the contrary, maintained that Christians +were no less admirable than their faith, that they +followed the precepts contained in the Sermon on +the Mount to the letter, and finally that of all +Christians the Scotch were the cream.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 129]</span></p> + +<p>We argued long without either of us convincing +the other, and I must admit that my host, who +was a much cleverer theologian than myself, had +the last word.</p> + +<p>In taking leave of him that night, I was bold +enough to return to the charge. "Come, my dear +sir," I began, "if we receive a blow on our right +cheek, the Scriptures command us to offer our left +also. If a man struck you on the right cheek, now +what would you do?"</p> + +<p>"What would I do?" he said after drawing a +great whiff at his pipe. "What would I do? By +Jove, I'd give him two that he wouldn't soon forget, +I can tell you!"</p> + +<p>I shook hands with my host, and retired in +triumph.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIII" id="CHAPTER_XXIII"></a>CHAPTER XXIII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Massacre of the English Tongue.—Donald the Friend of +France.—Scotch Anecdotes again.—Reason of their +Drollery.—Picturesque Dialect.—Dry Old Faces.—A +Scotch Chambermaid.—Oddly-placed Moustachios.—My +Chimney smokes.—Sarcastic Spirit.—A good +Chance of entering Paradise thrown away.—Robbie +Burns and the Greenock Shopkeeper.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 62px;"> +<img src="images/capt2.jpg" width="62" height="80" alt="T" title="T" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">he Scotch may be recognised at the first +word by the very strong,<a name="FNanchor_A_6" id="FNanchor_A_6"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_6" class="fnanchor">[F]</a> sonorous +accent with which they speak English. +It is like a German accent with the <i>r</i>'s of the +<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 130]</span> +Normans. In the North of Scotland, the accent +is so Teutonic that one seems to be listening to +Germans talking English. The letters <i>b</i>, <i>d</i>, and +<i>v</i> are changed into <i>p</i>, <i>t</i>, and <i>f</i>. The <i>ch</i> is perfectly +German at the end of a word, such as <i>loch</i>. <i>Ght</i> +becomes <i>cht</i>, and is pronounced as in the German +word <i>nacht</i>.</p> + +<p>Certainly there is nothing insurmountably difficult +to understand in all this; but that rogue of a +Donald has a way of eating the ends of many of +his words, of running the mutilated remains in +together with such bewildering rapidity, and accompanying +the whole with such a tremendous +rolling of <i>r</i>'s, that the stranger is completely staggered +until his ear grows accustomed to the +jargon.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The English language is composed of about +forty-three thousand words, out of which fourteen +thousand are of Germanic origin, and twenty-nine +thousand have come into it from the Latin +through the Norman dialect. But in Scotland +you will hear the people using numbers of modern +French words, which are no part of the English +vocabulary. These words are remnants of the +close relations that existed between France and +Scotland in the sixteenth century. They are +mostly heard now in the mouths of the older +inhabitants.</p> + +<p>For nearly a hundred years past the English<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 131]</span> +have been continually borrowing words from us +(a loan which we return with interest), but they +are words which will only be found in use among +the upper classes. The case is different in Scotland. +There the French words were adopted by +the people, and it is the people that still use them, +and not the better educated classes, for these +latter avoid them as vulgar. In a hundred years +they will probably have fallen into disuse. It +may not therefore be out of place to give here +a list, which I think is pretty complete, of the +French words that form the last trace of an alliance +which has left to this day a very pronounced +sentiment of affection for France in the hearts of +the Scotch.</p> + +<p>There were doubtless many others in use formerly, +but I have collected only those which may +still be heard in everyday use among the Scotch +populace:</p> + +<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary="Words List"> +<tr> + <th><span class="smcap">Scotch.</span></th> + <th><span class="smcap">English.</span></th> + <th><span class="smcap">French.</span></th> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Ashet</td> + <td>Dish</td> + <td>Assiette</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Aumrie</td> + <td>Cupboard</td> + <td>Armoire</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Bonnaille</td> + <td>Parting glass</td> + <td>Bon aller</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Bourd</td> + <td>Jest</td> + <td>Bourde</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Braw</td> + <td>Fine</td> + <td>Brave</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Caraff</td> + <td>Decanter</td> + <td>Carafe</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Certy</td> + <td>Certainly</td> + <td>Certes</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Dambrod</td> + <td>Draught board</td> + <td>Dames</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Dementit</td> + <td>Derange</td> + <td>Démentir</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Dorty</td> + <td>Sulky</td> + <td>Dureté</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Douce</td> + <td>Mild</td> + <td>Doux</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Dour</td> + <td>Obstinate</td> + <td>Dur</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 132]</span>Fash oneself (to)</td> + <td>Get angry (to)</td> + <td>Fâcher (se)</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Fashious</td> + <td>Troublesome</td> + <td>Fâcheux</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Gardy loo</td> + <td>Look out</td> + <td>Gardez l'eau (gare l'eau)</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Gardyveen</td> + <td>Wine bin</td> + <td>Garde-vin</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Gean</td> + <td>Cherry</td> + <td>Guigne</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Gigot</td> + <td>Leg of mutton</td> + <td>Gigot</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Gou</td> + <td>Taste</td> + <td>Goût</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Grange</td> + <td>Granary</td> + <td>Grange</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Grosserts</td> + <td>Gooseberries</td> + <td>Groseilles</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Gysart</td> + <td>Disguised</td> + <td>Guise</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Haggis</td> + <td>Hatched meat</td> + <td>Hachis</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Hogue</td> + <td>Tainted</td> + <td>Haut goût</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Jalouse (to)</td> + <td>Suspect</td> + <td>Jalouser</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Jupe</td> + <td>Skirt</td> + <td>Jupe</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Kimmer</td> + <td>Gossip</td> + <td>Commère</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Mouter</td> + <td>Mixture of corn</td> + <td>Mouture</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Pantufles</td> + <td>Slippers</td> + <td>Pantoufles</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Pertricks</td> + <td>Partridges</td> + <td>Perdrix</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Petticoat tails</td> + <td>Cakes</td> + <td>Petits gatelles (gâteaux)</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Pouch</td> + <td>Pocket</td> + <td>Poche</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Prosh, madame</td> + <td>Come, madam</td> + <td>Aprochez, madame</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Reeforts</td> + <td>Radishes</td> + <td>Raiforts</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Ruckle</td> + <td>Heap (of stones)</td> + <td>Recueil</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Serviter</td> + <td>Napkin</td> + <td>Serviette</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Sucker</td> + <td>Sugar</td> + <td>Sucre</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Tassie</td> + <td>Cup</td> + <td>Tasse</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Ule</td> + <td>Oi</td> + <td>Huile</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Verity</td> + <td>Truth</td> + <td>Vérité</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Vizzy</td> + <td>Aim</td> + <td>Viser</td> +</tr> +</table> + +<p>These are not, as may be seen, words borrowed +from our milliners and dressmakers; they are terms<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 133]</span> +that express the necessaries of life, and which the +Scotch housewives have not yet forgotten. They +prove in an irrefutable manner that the two nations +mixed and knew each other intimately.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The language spoken by the Scotch lends itself +to humour. Their picturesque pronunciation gives +their conversation a piquancy which defies imitation. +A Scotch anecdote told in Scotch language +never misses its effect. Tell it in English, or any +other language, and it loses all its raciness.</p> + +<p>As I have already remarked, the Scot does not +seek to appear witty, still less amusing, and there +lies the charm. His remarks are not intended to +be quaint, but are intensely so. Their drollery +lies in the dialect and the combination of ideas. +The Scotch are quick to seize the humorous side +of things, and that without being aware of it. +Their remarks are made with an imperturbable +gravity, without a gesture, or the movement of a +muscle.</p> + +<p>I fancy I see still the old Scotch servant with +whom I was speaking on the subject of a fire +which would not burn in my room at a hotel. +All at once she interrupted the conversation; she +had just perceived, on the top of my head, a +somewhat solitary lock of hair.</p> + +<p>"Are ye growin' a moustache on the top o' +your heid?" she exclaimed without a smile.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 134]</span></p> + +<p>My first impulse was to bid her mind her business, +and make my fire draw. But though I disliked +the familiarity, I saw immediately that the +good creature, a bony Scotchwoman of at least +fifty summers, had not had the least intention of +joking me, still less of vexing me. Her stolid +expression, her quaint accent, to say nothing of +the incongruous idea that had come to her lips, it +all diverted me intensely, and I laughed well over +it to the great astonishment of the worthy woman, +who went away grumbling at the fire which had +proved very obdurate.</p> + +<p>The chimney continued to smoke horribly, and +presently I rang the bell again.</p> + +<p>The woman reappeared.</p> + +<p>"This chimney smokes atrociously still," I said.</p> + +<p>You should have seen her dry old face as she +simply remarked:</p> + +<p>"Eh, mony a ane has complained o' that +chimney."</p> + +<p>The familiarity of the Scotch servant is an old +theme. The good humour of the master in Scotland +encourages familiarity in the servant, and +the fidelity of the latter causes it to be overlooked.</p> + +<p>I remember the dinner-gong had been sounded +in a house where I was one day visiting, and not +being quite ready, I was still in my room. Someone +knocked at my door. It was an old servant. +"Noo," said she, "it's time to come doun to your +dinner."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 135]</span></p> + +<p>Scotch wit is cutting, there is often a sarcastic +thrust in it, sometimes even a little spice of +malice.</p> + +<p>You hear none of those good broad bulls, brimming +over with innocence, that are so amusing in +the Irish; the Scotch witticisms are sharp strokes +that penetrate and strike home.</p> + +<p>Lunardi, the aeronaut, having made an ascent +in his balloon at Edinburgh, came down on the +property of a Presbyterian minister in the neighbourhood +of Cupar.</p> + +<p>"We have been up a prodigious way," said the +aeronaut to the minister; "I really believe we +must have been close to the gates of Paradise."</p> + +<p>"What a pity you did not go in!" replied the +Scotchman, "you may never be so near again."</p> + +<p>I might give numerous examples of this sarcastic +wit that so often underlies Scotch anecdotes. +I will only cite one more. This time we +have Robert Burns for hero, and I extract the +story from his biography:</p> + +<p>The celebrated poet was one day walking on +Greenock pier, when a rich tradesman, who happened +to be there also, slipped and fell in the +water. Being unable to swim, he would have +been drowned but for the bravery of a sailor who +threw himself, all dressed as he was, into the +water, and brought him to land.</p> + +<p>When the tradesman had regained consciousness +and recovered from his fright, he bethought +himself that he ought to reward his rescuer.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 136]</span> +Putting his hand in his pocket, he drew out a +shilling, which he generously presented to the +brave sailor.</p> + +<p>The crowd that had gathered round in admiration +of the sailor's heroic act could not restrain +its indignation. Protestations were followed by +hoots, and the object of their scorn came very +near being returned to the water—to learn his +way about.</p> + +<p>Robbie Burns, however, succeeded in appeasing +their wrath.</p> + +<p>"Calm yourselves," said he; "this gentleman +is certainly a better judge of his own value than +you can be."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIV" id="CHAPTER_XXIV"></a>CHAPTER XXIV.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>The Staff of Life in Scotland.—Money is round and flat.—Cheap +Restaurants.—Democratic Bill of Fare.—Caution +to the Public.</i>—"Parritch!"—<i>The Secret of Scotland's +Success.—The National Drink of Scotland.—Scotch and +Irish Whiskies.—Whisky a very slow Poison.—Dean +Ramsay's best Anecdote.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">n Scotland, the staff of life is porridge, +pronounced <i>parritch</i> by the natives.</p> + +<p>Porridge is served at breakfast in every +Scotch home, from the castle to the cottage. It is +the first dish at breakfast, or the only one, according +to the income.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 137]</span></p> + +<p>Porridge is a food which satisfies and strengthens, +and which, it seems, is rich in bone-forming +matter.</p> + +<p>Many a brave young Scotch undergraduate, +with rubicund face and meagre purse, breakfasts +off a plate of porridge which he prepares for +himself, while <i>ces messieurs</i> of Oxford breakfast like +princes.</p> + +<p>I saw a labourer near Dumfries, who, on his +wages of twelve shillings a week, was bringing up +a family of eight children, all of them robust and +radiant with health, thanks to porridge. The +eldest, a fine fellow of eighteen, had carried off a +scholarship at Aberdeen University. In England, +no professional career would have been open to +him.</p> + +<p>Few of the lower class English people will +condescend to eat porridge; they will have animal +food twice a day, if they can get it, and beer +or other stimulants. Twenty years of prosperity +and high wages have spoiled, ruined the working +class in England. Now wages have fallen, or +rather work has become scarce, and these people, +who never thought of saving anything in the days +of their splendour, are plenty of them lacking +bread. They are not cured for all that. If you +offered them porridge, they would feel insulted. +"It is workhouse food," they will tell you.</p> + +<p>When the Scotch maidservant receives her +wages, she goes and puts part in the Savings +Bank, like the French <i>bonne</i> of the provinces.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 138]</span> +When the English servant takes up hers, she +straightway goes and buys a new hat to get +photographed in it. Money burns her pockets.</p> + +<p>Money is round, say the English, it was meant +to roll; money is flat, say the Scotch and the +Normans, it was meant to be piled up.</p> + +<p>When he is in work, the workman of London, +Manchester, Liverpool, Birmingham, will spend +three or four shillings a day on his keep; when he +is out of work, he stands about the tavern-door +and whines for help.</p> + +<p>I visited one day, in Aberdeen, a restaurant +where a copious repast was being served for the +modest sum of two pence a head. The room was +full of healthy-looking workmen, tidily dressed +and busily doing honour to the porridge and other +items on the <i>menu</i>.</p> + +<p>The bill of fare for the week was posted up at +the door. Here is a copy of it:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p> +"<i>Monday</i>—Porridge, sausage and potato.<br /> +"<i>Tuesday</i>—Scotch broth, beef pie.<br /> +"<i>Wednesday</i>—Peasoup and ham.<br /> +"<i>Thursday</i>—Porridge, sausage and potato.<br /> +"<i>Friday</i>—Fish and potato.<br /> +"<i>Saturday</i>—Porridge, sausage and potato."<br /> +</p></div> + +<p>A trifle monotonous, perhaps, this bill of fare, I +own; but, at all events, you will admit that for +twopence the Aberdeen workman can have a good +square meal.</p> + +<p>What would the Parisians have given for this +fare during the siege!<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 139]</span></p> + +<p>On the walls, I observed the following notice:</p> + +<p>"The public are respectfully requested to pay +in advance, so as to avoid mistakes."</p> + +<p>"To avoid mistakes!" Thoroughly Scotch +this little caution!</p> + +<p>I had always seen porridge eaten before the +other food. So seeing a worthy fellow ask that +his porridge might be brought to him after his +sausage and potato, I made bold to ask him the +explanation of it.</p> + +<p>"Do you take your porridge after your meat?" +I enquired.</p> + +<p>"Ay, mon," he replied, "it's to chock up the +chinks."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Ask a Scotch rustic what he takes for breakfast, +and he will answer proudly:</p> + +<p>"Parritch, mon!"</p> + +<p>And for dinner?</p> + +<p>"Parrritch!!"</p> + +<p>And for supper?</p> + +<p>"<i>Parrrritch!!!</i>"</p> + +<p>If he took a fourth meal, he would roll in +another <i>r</i>; it is his way of expressing his sentiments.</p> + +<p>I like people who roll their <i>r</i>'s: there is backbone +in them.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Robert Burns, who has sung of the haggis and +the whisky of his native land, has only made<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 140]</span> +indirect mention of porridge. He ought to have +consecrated to it an ode in several cantos.</p> + +<p>Porridge! it is the secret of the Scot's success. +Try to compete with a man who can content +himself with porridge, when you must have your +three or four meals a day and animal food at two +of them.</p> + +<p>It is porridge that gives a healthy body, cool +head, and warm feet;</p> + +<p>Porridge promotes the circulation of the blood;</p> + +<p>It is porridge that calms the head after the +libations of overnight.</p> + +<p>It is porridge that keeps the poor man from +ending his days in the Union.</p> + +<p>It is porridge that helps the son of the humble +peasant to aspire to the highest career, in allowing +him to live on a scholarship at the University;</p> + +<p>It is porridge that makes such men of iron as +Livingstone and Gordon;</p> + +<p>And, above all, it is porridge that puts the +different classes in Scotland on a footing of +equality once a day at least, and thus makes of +them the most liberal-minded people of Great +Britain.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The national drink of Scotland is Scotch +whisky.</p> + +<p>The Scotch will tell you that Irish whisky is no +good; the Irish will tell you that Scotch whisky +is simply detestable. I have tasted both, and,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 141]</span> +having no national prejudice on the point, have +no hesitation in saying that there is nothing to +choose between them: both are horrible.</p> + +<p>Whisky may easily be obtained by dissolving a +little soot in brandy. As the coal-smoky taste is +much more pronounced in the Scotch whisky than +in the Irish, I conclude that, in the latter, the dose +is smaller.</p> + +<p>They say that of all alcoholic liquors whisky is +the least injurious. By "they" must be understood +all the good folks who cannot do without this +beverage. There must, however, be truth in it, or +Scotland and Ireland must have been depopulated +long since. And, as we know the Scotch generally +live to a good old age, and centenarians are +not rare in the Land o' Cakes, if whisky be a +poison, it must be a slow one—a very slow +one.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The prettiest anecdote, in Dean Ramsay's +<i>Reminiscences</i>, relates to whisky, and I cannot +refrain from quoting it.</p> + +<p>An old Scotch lady had just sent for her gardener +to cut the grass on her lawn.</p> + +<p>"Cut it short," she said to him; "mind, Donald, +an inch at the bottom is worth two at the top."</p> + +<p>Always the same way of speaking in moral +sentences so common in Scotland.</p> + +<p>The work done, the good lady offered Donald a +glass of whisky, and proceeded to pour it out,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 142]</span> +but showed sign of stopping before the top was +reached.</p> + +<p>"Fill it up, ma'am, fill it up," said the shrewd-witted +fellow, "an inch at the top is worth twa at +the bottom."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXV" id="CHAPTER_XXV"></a>CHAPTER XXV.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Hors-d'œuvre.—A Word to the Reader and another to the +Critic.—A Man who has a right to be proud.—Why?</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 56px;"> +<img src="images/caph.jpg" width="56" height="80" alt="H" title="H" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">ere I pause, dear Reader.</p> + +<p>An idea has just come to my head, and +for fear it might be lonely there, I will +impart it to you without delay.</p> + +<p>Now, to come at once to the sense of the +matter, will you allow me for once—for once +only—to pay myself a compliment that I think +I well deserve? It is the word "Ireland," +which I have just written in the preceding chapter, +that makes me think of addressing sincere congratulations +to myself. Forgive me for this little +digression, it will relieve me.</p> + +<p>I have written two books on England, a third on +the relations between England and France, and I +shall soon have finished a volume of recollections +of Scotland.</p> + +<p>How many times I have had to write the words +"England" and "Ireland," I could not say; but +I affirm that I have not once—no, not once<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 143]</span>—spoken +of "Perfidious Albion" or the "Emerald +Isle."</p> + +<p>"Indeed!" and "What of that?" you will +perhaps exclaim.</p> + +<p>Well, whatever you may say, I assure you that +if ever a man had a right to feel proud of himself, +I have.</p> + +<p>More than once have I been tempted, once or +twice I have had to make an erasure, but I am the +first who has triumphed over the difficulty.</p> + +<p>Come, dear Critic, if thou wilt be amiable, here +is an occasion. Admit that a Frenchman, who +can write fourteen or fifteen hundred pages on the +subject of England, without once calling her +"Perfidious Albion," is a man who is entitled to +thy respect and thy indulgence for the thousand +and one shortcomings of which he knows himself +to be guilty.</p> + +<p>There, I feel better now. Let us now go and see +Donald's big <i>touns</i>.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 144]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVI" id="CHAPTER_XXVI"></a>CHAPTER XXVI.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Glasgow.—Origin of the Name.—Rapid Growth of the +City.—St. Mungo's Injunction to Donald.—James +Watt and the Clyde.—George Square.—Exhibition of +Sculpture in the open Air.—Royal Exchange.—Wellington +again.—Wanted an Umbrella.—The +Cathedral.—How it was saved by a Gardener.—The +Streets.—Kelvingrove Park.—The University.—The +Streets at Night.—The Tartan Shawls a Godsend.—The +Populace.—Pity for the poor little Children.—Sunday +Lectures in Glasgow.—To the Station, and let +us be off.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">f, as Shelley has said, "Hell is a city much +like London," Glasgow must be very much +like the dungeon where Satan shuts up those +who do not behave themselves.</p> + +<p>The word "Glasgow" is of Celtic origin, and, +it appears, means <i>Sombre Valley</i>.</p> + +<p>The town has not given the lie to its name.</p> + +<p>I have travelled from the south of England to +the north of Scotland; I have seen every corner +of the great towns, and I do not hesitate to give +the palm to Glasgow: it is the dirtiest, blackest, +most repulsive-looking nest that it was ever given +to man to inhabit.</p> + +<p>I am bound to say that the Scotch themselves, +so justly proud of their old Scotland, dare not +take it upon themselves to defend Glasgow: they<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 145]</span> +give it over to the visitor, not, however, without +having added, as a kind of extenuating circumstance:</p> + +<p>"There is money in it."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>At the time of the Reformation, Glasgow was +but an insignificant little town with five thousand +inhabitants. At the commencement of this century +it contained about eight thousand. To-day it is +the most important city of Scotland, a city which +holds, including the suburbs, very nearly a million +souls, tortured by the passion for wealth or by +misery and hunger.</p> + +<p>If the importance of the place is recent, the +place itself dates back more than thirteen +centuries. It was indeed in 560 that Saint +Mungo founded a bishopric there, and no doubt, +to try the faith of Donald, whom he had just +converted to Christianity, he said to him, as he +put an umbrella into his hands with strict injunctions +never to part with it:</p> + +<p>"For thy sins, Donald, here shalt thou dwell."</p> + +<p>Glasgow is the home of iron and coal. Coal +underground, coal in the air, coal on people's +faces, coal everywhere!</p> + +<p>There rise thousands of high chimneys, vomiting +flames and great clouds of smoke, which settle +down on the town and, mixing with the humidity +of the streets, form a black, sticky mud that clogs +your footsteps. No one thinks of wearing elastic-<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 146]</span>side +boots. They would go home with naked feet +if they did. Glasgow people wear carmen's boots, +strongly fastened on with leather laces.</p> + +<p>I assure you that if you were to fall in the +street, you would leave your overcoat behind +when you got up.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The neighbourhood of the sea and the Clyde +has been, and still is, a source of prosperity and +opulence to the town; and here it behoves me to +speak of the Scotch energy, which has made of +this stream a river capable of giving anchorage to +vessels drawing twenty-four feet of water.</p> + +<p>In 1769, the illustrious James Watt was directed +to examine the river. At that time small craft +could scarcely enter the river even at high water. +Watt indeed found that, at low tide, the rivulet—for +it was nothing else—had but a depth of one +foot two inches, and at high tide never more than +three feet three inches.</p> + +<p>To-day you may see the largest ironclads afloat +there. This gigantic enterprise cost no less than +£10,300,000.</p> + +<p>It was on the Clyde that Henry Bell, in 1812, +launched the first steamboat. Since then the +banks of the Clyde have been lined with vast +shipbuilding yards, which turn out from four to +five hundred vessels a year.</p> + +<p>Glasgow always had a taste for smoke. Before +the war of American Independence, this town<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 147]</span> +had the monopoly of the tobacco commerce. +Colossal fortunes were realised over the importation +of the Virginian weed in the end of the +last century. At present Glasgow trades in coal, +machinery, iron goods, printed calico, etc.</p> + +<p>The Glasgow man has been influenced by his +surroundings. The climate is dull and damp, the +man is obstinate and laborious; the ground contains +coal and iron for the Clyde to carry to sea, +and so the man is a trader.</p> + +<p>And, indeed, what is there to be done in Glasgow +but work? Out-of-door life is interdicted, so to +speak; gaiety is out of the question; everything +predisposes to industry and thought. People +divide their time between work and prayer, the +kirk and the counting-house; such is life in +Glasgow.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>And now let us take a stroll, or rather let us +walk, for a stroll implies pleasure, and I certainly +cannot promise you that.</p> + +<p>The most striking feature of Glasgow is George +Square. It is large, and literally crowded with +statues, a regular carnival. It looks as if the +Glasgow folks had said: "We must have some +statues, but do not, for all that, let us encumber +the streets with them; let us keep them out of the +way in a place to themselves. If a visitor likes to +go and look at them, much good may it do him." +At a certain distance the effect is that of a<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 148]</span> +cemetery, or picture to yourself Madame Tussaud's +exhibition <i>à la belle étoile</i>.</p> + +<p>When I say <i>à la belle étoile</i>, it is but a figure of +speech in Glasgow.</p> + +<p>In this exhibition of sculpture, I discover Walter +Scott, Robert Burns, David Livingstone, James +Watt, Prince Albert, Queen Victoria, Thomas +Campbell, and Sir Robert Peel. Some are on +foot, some on horseback. There are none driving, +but there is Scott who, in the centre of this Kensal +Green, is perched on the summit of a column +eighty feet high. It is enough to make the tallest +chimney of the neighbourhood topple over with +envy. By dint of a little squeezing, it would be +easy to make room for a dozen more statues.</p> + +<p>In Queen's Street, quite close to George Square, +we find the Royal Exchange—an elegant building +in the Corinthian style—in front of which stands +an equestrian statue of gigantic dimensions.</p> + +<p>It is Wellington—the inevitable, the eternal, the +everlasting Wellington.</p> + +<p>Oh, what a bore that Wellington is!</p> + +<p>This statue was erected at the expense of the +town for a sum of £10,000.</p> + +<p>Wellington will never know what he has cost +his compatriots.</p> + +<p>Let us go up George Street, turn to the left by +High Street, towards the north-east, and we shall +come to the Cathedral, the only one which the +fanatic vandalism of the Puritans spared. I was +told in Scotland that this is how it escaped. The<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 149]</span> +Puritans had come to Glasgow in 1567 to destroy +the Cathedral of Saint Mungo. But a gardener, +a practical Scot of the neighbourhood, reasoned +with them in the following manner:</p> + +<p>"My friends, you are come with the meritorious +intention of destroying this temple of popery. +But why destroy the edifice? It will cost a mint +of money to build such another. Could not you +use this one and worship God in it after our own +manner?"</p> + +<p>The Puritans, who were Scots too, saw the +force of the argument and the cathedral was +saved.</p> + +<p>The edifice is gothic, and very handsome. I +recommend especially the crypt, under the choir. +The windows are most remarkable.</p> + +<p>Around the cathedral is a graveyard containing +fine monuments. I read on a tablet, put up in +commemoration of the execution of nine covenanters +(1666-1684) the following inscription, +which shows once more how they forgive in +Scotland. Here is the hint to the persecutors:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p> +"<i>They'll know at resurrection day<br /> +To murder saints was no sweet play.</i>"<br /> +</p></div> + +<p>Let us return down High Street as far as Argyle +Street, the great artery of Glasgow.</p> + +<p>After a few minutes' walking, we come to +Buchanan Street, the fashionable street of Glasgow—I +mean the one which contains the fashionable +shops, the Regent Street of this great<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 150]</span> +manufacturing city. The houses are well-built, +I do not say tastefully, but solidly. This might +be said indeed of the whole town: it is dirty, but +substantial. Let us push on to Sanchyhall Street, +and there turn to the west. We presently come +to the park of Kelvingrove, undulating, well laid +out, and surrounded with pretty houses: it is the +only part of Glasgow which does not give you +cold shivers. Among the well-kept paths, flowerbeds, +and ponds, you forget the coal-smoke for +awhile. At the end of the park runs the Kelvin, a +little stream which you cross to get to Gilmore +Hill, on the summit of which stand the buildings +of the university. The interior of these buildings +is magnificent.</p> + +<p>The Bute Hall is one of the finest halls I ever +saw: 108 feet long, 75 broad, and 70 high. A +splendid library and all the comfortable accessories, +which they are careful to supply studious +youth with in this country. The university cost +more than half-a-million. With the exception of +a few other parks—which, however, cannot be +compared to those of London—there is nothing +more to be seen in Glasgow, and if your business +is transacted, go to your hotel, strap your luggage, +and be off.</p> + +<p>But if you prefer it, we will arm ourselves with +umbrellas and return to the streets, and see what +kind of people are to be met there.</p> + +<p>That which strikes one at a first visit, is that +from five in the afternoon almost every respectable-<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 151]</span>looking +person has disappeared, and the town +seems given over to the populace. Like the City +proper in London, Glasgow is only occupied by +the superior classes during business hours. From +four to five o'clock there is a general stampede +towards the railway stations. The <i>employé</i>, who +earns two or three hundred a year, has his villa or +cottage in the suburbs. The rich merchant, the +engineer, the ironmaster, all these live far from the +city.</p> + +<p>The streets of Glasgow, from six or seven in the +evening, are entirely given up to the manufacturing +population—the dirtiest and roughest to be seen +anywhere, I should think.</p> + +<p>I have seen poverty and vice in Paris, in +London, in Dublin, and Brussels, but they are +nothing to compare to the spectacle that Glasgow +presents. It is the living illustration of some unwritten +page of Dante.</p> + +<p>"But there is money in Glasgow."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The lower-class women of London do wear a +semblance of a toilette: fur mantles in rags, +battered, greasy hats with faded flowers, flounced +skirts in tatters—an apology for a costume, in +short.</p> + +<p>But here, there is nothing of all that. No +finery, not even a hat. The tartan seems to take +the place of all.</p> + +<p>The attributions of this tartan are multiple. It<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 152]</span> +is as useful to the women of the lower classes in +the great Scotch towns as the reindeer is to the +Laplander.</p> + +<p>This tartan serves them as a hood when it is +cold; as an umbrella when it rains; as a blanket +in winter nights; as a mattress in summer ones; +as a basket when they go to market; a towel when +they do their own and their children's dry-polishing; +a cradle for their babies, which they carry +either slung over their back, Hottentot fashion, or +hanging in front, like the kangaroos. When +poverty presses hard, the tartan goes to the +pawnbroker's shop, whence it issues in the form +of a sixpence or a shilling, according to its value. +After living in them they live on them, and so +these useful servants pass from external to internal +use, and appease the hunger or thirst of their +owners for a day or two. A very godsend this +tartan, as you see.</p> + +<p>A Glasgow police inspector told me that, having +one day to make a search at a pawnbroker's in the +town, he had found more than fifteen hundred of +these shawls on the premises. "Many of those +poor borrowers are Irish," he said. Did he say +this to pass on to a neighbour that which seemed +to him a disgrace to his own country? In any +case, it is a fact that there are a great number of +Irish in Glasgow.</p> + +<p>No doubt poverty, with its accompaniments of +shame and vice, exists in all great cities; but here +it has a distressing aspect that it presents in no<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 153]</span> +other country. The Arab beggar makes one +smile as he majestically drapes around him his +picturesque, multicoloured rags; the lazzarone, +lying on the quay of Naples under the radiant +Italian sky, is a prince compared to the wretch +who drags out his existence in the dirty streets or +garrets of Glasgow.</p> + +<p>"But there is money in Glasgow."</p> + +<p>In Paris, the newspapers are sold in shops or +pretty kiosks kept by clean, tidy, respectable +women. In London and other large English +towns, the papers are cried in the streets by low-class +men and boys. In Glasgow and Edinburgh +the work is done by ragged children, who literally +besiege you as you walk the streets: poor little +girls half-naked, shivering, and starving, with +their feet in the mud, try to earn a few pence to +appease their own hunger, or, perhaps, furnish an +unnatural parent with the means of getting tipsy. +Others have a little stock of matches that they +look at with an envious eye, one fancies, as one +thinks of Andersen's touching tale.</p> + +<p>Oh, pity for the poor little children!</p> + +<p>In a country so Christian, so philanthropic, can +it be that childhood is abandoned thus? Asylums +for the aged are to be seen in plenty, and is not +youth still more interesting than age, and must it +needs commit some crime before it has the right to +enter some house of refuge?</p> + +<p>I cannot tell you how sad the sight of those poor +little beings, forsaken of God and man, made me feel.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 154]</span></p> + +<p>But how shall I describe my feelings when, +having drawn the attention of a Scotchman who +was with me to one of these pitiful little creatures, +I heard him say:</p> + +<p>"Do not stop, the immorality of those children +is awful."</p> + +<p>No, it is not possible; it must be a bad dream, +a hideous nightmare.</p> + +<p>"It is a fact," said my companion, who knows +Glasgow as he knows himself.</p> + +<p>"But there is money in it."</p> + +<p>It seems incomprehensible that these children +should not be reclaimed, still more incomprehensible +that no one seeks to do it. The money +spent in statues of Wellington would more than +suffice, and the Iron Duke would be none the +worse off in Paradise.</p> + +<p>Yes, this is what may be seen in Glasgow, in +that city so pious, that to calm the feelings of +some of the inhabitants, the literary and scientific +lectures which used to be given to the people on +Sunday evenings in Saint Andrew's Hall have had +to be discontinued.</p> + +<p>Heaven be thanked, Glasgow is not Scotland, +and we can go and rejoice our eyes in Edinburgh, +Aberdeen, Braemar, and elsewhere, and admire +the lakes and the blue mountains.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 155]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVII" id="CHAPTER_XXVII"></a>CHAPTER XXVII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Edinburgh—Glasgow's Opinion thereof, and vice versâ.—High +Street.—The old Town.—John Knox's House.—The +old Parliament House.—Holyrood Palace.—Mary +Stuart.—Arthur's Seat.—The University.—The Castle.—Princes +Street.—Two Greek Buildings.—The Statues.—Walter +Scott.—The inevitable Wellington again.—Calton +Hill.—The Athens of the North and the +modern Parthenon.—Why did not the Scotch buy the +ancient Parthenon of the modern Greeks?—Lord Elgin.—The +Acropolis of Edinburgh.—Nelson for a Change.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 68px;"> +<img src="images/capa.jpg" width="68" height="80" alt="A" title="A" /> +</div><p class="dropcap"> railway journey of an hour and ten +minutes transports you from darkness +into light. You leave Glasgow in gloom, +wrapped in its eternal winding-sheet of fog and +mud, and you arrive at Edinburgh to find clean +streets, pure air, and a clear beautiful sky. Such +at least was my own experience, six times repeated. +The prospect delights the eyes and heart; your +lungs begin to do their work easily; you breathe +freely once more, and once more feel glad to be +alive.</p> + +<p>You alight at Waverley Station in the centre of +the city. You cannot do better than go straightway +and take up your quarters at the Royal Hotel, +Princes Street, opposite the gigantic Gothic monument +erected to Walter Scott. Ask for a room +looking on the street. Take possession of it with<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 156]</span>out +delay, and open your window: the sight that +will meet your gaze is truly enchanting. At your +feet, the most elegant street imaginable. No +houses opposite: only large gardens, beautifully +kept, sloping gracefully away to the bottom of a +valley, whence the ground rises almost perpendicularly, +bearing on its summit houses of a prodigious +height. It is the old town of Edinburgh, +where everything will bring back memories of +Mary Stuart and the novels of Scott. On the +right the famous castle perched on a sheer rock +nearly four hundred feet high; the whole bathed +in a blue-grey haze that forms a light veil to soften +its colouring and contour. It is impossible to +imagine a more romantic sight in the midst of a +large modern city.</p> + +<p>Whether your tastes be archæological or artistic, +you will be able to satisfy them in one of the two +towns of Edinburgh, the old city to the south, or +the modern town to the north.</p> + +<p>The Glasgow folks say there is not much money +made in Edinburgh, and speak of the place with a +certain contempt, which the Edinburgh people +return with interest.</p> + +<p>It is always amusing to hear the dwellers in +neighbouring towns run each other down: Manchester +and Liverpool, Brighton and Hastings. +The nearer the rival towns are to each other, the +livelier and more diverting is the jealousy. Go +and ask a Saint-Malo man what he thinks of +Saint-Servan, and <i>vice versâ</i>!<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 157]</span></p> + +<p>"Ah! you are going to Edinburgh," the Glasgow +people say to you; "it is full of snobs, who give +themselves airs and are as poor as Job. Ours is +a substantial place, sir. We've no time to waste +on nonsense here; we go in for commerce and +manufactures."</p> + +<p>"Ah! you have just come from Glasgow," say +the Edinburgh people. "What do you think of +the illiterate parvenus that are for ever rattling +their money bags? You will find no worship of +the golden calf here; we cultivate the beautiful, +and go in for science and literature, not manufactures; +our town is essentially one of learning."</p> + +<p>This is true. Edinburgh is one of the most +important intellectual centres of the world, and +its celebrated university, and learned societies, +have justly earned for it the appellation of "the +Athens of the North," a name which this unique +city deserves also on account of its natural +features, the style in which it is built, and the +numerous monuments it possesses.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Edinburgh has a population of 350,000 inhabitants, +including the sentry at Holyrood Palace.</p> + +<p>According to d'Anville, the city stands on the site +of the Roman station of Alata Castra. Towards +the year 626 the fortress became the residence of +Edwin, King of Northumbria, who gave it his +name.</p> + +<p>The old city was entirely destroyed by fire in<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 158]</span> +1537. That which now bears the name of <i>old town</i> +dates from the end of the sixteenth century and +the beginning of the seventeenth.</p> + +<p>The modern part of Edinburgh was begun at +the close of last century, and the handsomest +streets are of a quite recent date.</p> + +<p><i>A tout seigneur tout honneur.</i> Let us commence +our inspection by a visit to Holyrood Palace.</p> + +<p>I should like to transform this little volume into +a guide-book, and give you the history of all the +houses we are passing, as we go through the old +town, for almost every one has its history. There +on your left is the house of John Knox, with its +flight of steps, its overhanging stories, and, over +the door, the inscription, "Love God above all, +and your neighbour as yourself." Here is the +house where Cromwell decided on the execution +of Charles I.; there Hume and Smollett wrote +history.</p> + +<p>At the end of Canongate, the prolongation of +High Street, we come out on a large open square. +The palace of Holyrood is before us.</p> + +<p>Standing in a hollow, and surrounded by high +hills, the aspect of the palace is most sombre. +From the moment you cross the threshold, a +thousand sad thoughts assail you. You are in the +home of Mary Stuart. Everything speaks to you +of her. Her sweet, tragic face, her noble presence, +her thoughtful brow—you see all again in these +halls instinct with her souvenir. They haunt the +place as they still haunt the memory of the Scotch.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 159]</span> +In spite of her bigotry, in spite of all the crimes +historians have imputed to her, the Scotch cherish +her memory, think only of her misfortunes and +sufferings, and will not hear you speak of her with +anything but respect. One may easily imagine +the ascendency which this woman must have had +over those who came in contact with her.</p> + +<p>But let us go in, and first we must get our sixpences +ready; for in this country, where <i>l'hospitalité +se donne</i>, you must pay everywhere, and on entering +too, for fear you may not be pleased when +you come out: <i>to avoid misunderstandings</i>, as the +Scotch put it.</p> + +<p>On the first floor we enter the picture gallery. +It is here that the Scotch peers are elected. The +room contains portraits of the Scottish kings, +from Fergus I. to James VII. At the end of it +we find a door which leads to the apartments +occupied by the unfortunate princess. Small +windows throw a feeble light on the sombre tapestries; +though the day is fine, it is difficult to +distinguish the various objects of furniture. There +is an air of mystery about the place. Poor Mary! +After the gay French court, what a tomb must +this palace have seemed! Between two windows +is a little mirror that must often have reflected +back the image of that beautiful countenance, +stamped with sadness, the fair head that was one +day to roll at the feet of the executioner. Close +by, a portrait which must be a libel on so gracious +an original. At the two extremities of the bed<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 160]</span>room +two little closets—I had almost said, cells—formed +in the towers which overhang from the +outside. The one on the left is the dressing-room; +that on the right the supper-room. Near +the latter a door leads to the secret staircase. You +can reconstruct for yourself the scene of the +murder of the favourite Italian secretary, who +paid with his blood for the honour of having now +and then cheered the heart of the queen with his +songs. On the floor of the audience-room you are +shown the stains of the unhappy Rizzio's blood. +It was here, too, that Chastelard, grandson of +Bayard, declared his love to his royal mistress, +whom he had accompanied to Scotland on her departure +from the French court. Poor Chastelard! +he, too, payed with his life for the love which the +enchantress had inspired in him, not for this first +declaration, which was forgiven him, but for a +graver offence, committed at Rossend Castle, of +which I shall have occasion to speak presently.</p> + +<p>A visit to Holyrood always leaves a painful impression. +It is the temple of misfortune, and I +can understand Queen Victoria's preference for +the bright breezy Highlands.</p> + +<p>On our return through Canongate and High +Street, we shall come to the Castle. Without +going much out of our way, we can go and see the +Parliament House and the University; but first, +let us go to the summit of Arthur's Seat, a hill +eight hundred and twenty-two feet high, situated +behind the Palace of Holyrood. The ascent is<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 161]</span> +not difficult, and the magnificence of the panorama +that meets the eyes is beyond description.</p> + +<p>The House where the Scotch Parliament met +before the union of the Scotch and English Crowns, +is now transformed into Courts of Law. This +building is interesting not only on account of the +souvenirs it evokes, but also on account of the +hopes it keeps alive in the hearts of the Scotch. +Before many years have elapsed, the representatives +of Scotland will probably sit there to +manage the local affairs of the nation.</p> + +<p>Edinburgh University, which dates from the +year 1582, is the finest edifice of the kind in +Europe: two hundred and fifty-five feet long, by +three hundred and fifty-eight broad. A library of +one hundred and fifty thousand volumes (sixpence +entrance). Rare manuscripts. Magnificent lecture +rooms. Over three thousand students work +under most eminent professors.</p> + +<p>Facing the University is the Museum of Arts and +Science. For a list of the innumerable treasures +it contains, I must refer the reader to guides to +Scotland.</p> + +<p>The Royal Infirmary, with its numerous buildings, +in the midst of which rises a tower thirty-three +feet high, arrests our attention a few moments. +From here we can turn down High Street to +admire the Cathedral of Saint Giles, so full of +souvenirs of the Reformation, and then continue +our course up the great street of the old city, as +far as the famous Edinburgh Castle, a feudal<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 162]</span> +edifice standing on the summit of a perpendicular +rock, from whence you can survey the old and +new towns.</p> + +<p>The Crown Room contains the insignia of the +Scottish sovereigns. Close to it is the room where +Mary Stuart gave birth to the son who was to +unite the crowns of England and Scotland. In +this rapid glimpse of Edinburgh, it would be out +of place to enter into all the history of the Castle, +the sieges it has stood, and so on. Historical +castles all resemble each other a little; but that +which makes the interest of this one unique is its +marvellous position: the sixteenth century at your +right; the hills and the sea beyond; on your left, +the parks; in front, nearly four hundred feet +below you, the beautiful modern town, with its +elegant buildings, straight, wide streets, and its +statues; a little in the distance, Calton Hill, with +its Greek monuments; beyond again, Leith with +its harbour bristling with masts; you are chained +to the spot in admiration.</p> + +<p>Following the castle terrace, we will descend +towards the new town, and come out at the west +of Princes Street.</p> + +<p>We are walking towards the East. On our +left, we shall have the shops; on our right, the +public gardens, a mixture of <i>Boulevard des Italiens</i> +and <i>Champs Elysées</i>. Everything here is in perfect +taste. Look at the statues judiciously placed about +the public gardens, streets, and squares!</p> + +<p>O George Square!<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 163]</span></p> + +<p>Here is a shop-window full of photographs. Let +us stop and look in: they are not portraits of +actresses and fashionable beauties, but chiefly of +professors of the University, of which Edinburgh +is so proud. Remarkable among them is Professor +Blackie, his fine head recalling a likeness of +Lizst. It was this same Professor Blackie on +whom the people of Glasgow made such an attack +about two years ago, for having given, one Sunday +in Saint Andrew's Hall, a most charming and +poetical discourse on the Songs of Scotland.</p> + +<p>The sweep of the public gardens on the right is +agreeably broken by two specimens of the most +elegant Greek architecture: they are the buildings +of the Royal Institution and the National Gallery. +Nothing could be more graceful, more Attic, than +these twin structures. The first contains thousands +of national relics, from the pulpit of Knox to the +Ribbon of the Garter worn by Prince Charles +Stuart. The second is an admirable museum of +painting and sculpture.</p> + +<p>The most striking monument of Princes Street +is the one which was erected to Walter Scott in +1844. It has the form of a Gothic steeple, and is +not less than two hundred feet high. It resembles +somewhat the Albert Memorial in Hyde Park, but +with this difference, that, while designed with ten +times as much taste, it cost about a tenth of the +money. The novelist's heroes and heroines are +gracefully placed in the niches; the author himself +is seated in an attitude of contemplation in<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 164]</span> +the midst of his creations. Now for the comic +side of the thing. A staircase conducts to the +summit of the monument, to which you may +mount for the sum of twopence.</p> + +<p>On the East of Princes Street are two very +fine buildings—the Post Office and the Register +Office, or resting-place of the national archives. +This latter building has a magnificent flight of +steps, in front of which is an equestrian statue—you +guess whose, of course: the inevitable, the +eternal, the never-to-be-sufficiently-paraded.</p> + +<p>What a bore that creature is!</p> + +<p>I am quite willing to admit that Wellington did +exist, and that he rendered his country service; +but is that a reason for turning him into a bore? +He is a very nightmare!</p> + +<p>Napoleon, surely, was as great a general as +Wellington. We have placed him on the top of +the Vendome Column, but we had the good taste +not to stick him up in every provincial city.</p> + +<p>That is true, you will perhaps say; but Wellington +saved his country, whereas Napoleon ruined +his. That is not my opinion; but we will not +argue.</p> + +<p>Joan of Arc saved France. We have her statue +at Domrémy, where she was born; at Orleans, +where she handed over to her king his kingdom; +and at Rouen, where she suffered death.</p> + +<p>I should understand every Scotch town having +a statue of Burns, and another of Scott. These +two geniuses personify Scotland; they remind the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 165]</span> +Scotch that Scotland is a nation, with a literature +of her own; they keep up patriotism in every +heart. But what did Wellington do for Scotland? +If, in 1840, for instance, the Scotch had asked the +English to give them their national rights and +their parliament, Wellington is probably the +general who would have gone to reduce them to +order.</p> + +<p>But let us say no more about it. We will continue +our walk to the end of Princes Street. +Here we are at the foot of Calton Hill. By means +of flights of steps and paths we pass the Observatory, +and reach the top, to see the monument +erected to Nelson's memory (threepence entrance).</p> + +<p>Between this monument and the Observatory, +there stands a reproduction of the Parthenon. +This is what chiefly suggested the idea of calling +Edinburgh the Athens of the North. Calton Hill +does its best to play the part of the Acropolis. +But, unhappily, this Parthenon, built to commemorate +the victory of Waterloo, remains unfinished +for want of funds. It is true that this +lends it a ruined look, which does not give a bad +effect to the scene. But £20,000 to make a ruin +is dear. In that time the Greeks would have sold +the Scots the real Parthenon for half the money. +Half the money! What am I talking about? for +a timepiece. Go to the British Museum and see +what Lord Elgin got for a clock: the marbles and +frieze of the Parthenon, the bas-reliefs of Phidias, +columns from the temple of Diana at Ephesus, the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 166]</span> +epitaph of the Athenians who died at Potidœa, +the bas-reliefs of the temple of Ægina. Lord +Elgin was a business-like Scotchman. In 1816 +the English bought his collection of him for +£36,000. They would not sell it to-day for +£500,000.</p> + +<p>Going round the Acropolis we will descend near +the High School, the most important school in +Edinburgh, opposite which stands the monument +to Robert Burns (twopence entrance). It is rather +insignificant-looking, and reminds one of that +erected by the Athenians in memory of Lysicrates. +Cost, £2,600.</p> + +<p>I pass over many museums and institutions; +but I hope I have succeeded in showing that +Edinburgh is a place to be seen, and quite repays +one for the trouble of a long journey.</p> + +<p>And now let us see what kind of people one +meets in the streets of Edinburgh. After that, I +will ask your permission to take you across the +Firth of Forth, and show you a castle little known +in England, where I hope we shall be able to pass +a little time pleasantly.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 167]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVIII" id="CHAPTER_XXVIII"></a>CHAPTER XXVIII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Where are the Scotch?—Something wanting in the Landscape.—The +Inhabitants.—The Highlanders and the +Servant Girls.—Evening in Princes Street.—Leith and +the Firth of Forth.—Rossend Castle at Burntisland.—Mary +Stuart once more.—I receive Scotch Hospitality +in the Bedroom where Chastelard was as enterprising +as unfortunate.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 80px;"> +<img src="images/capw.jpg" width="80" height="80" alt="W" title="W" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">ith the exception of the famous +tartan shawls, which we come across +again in Edinburgh on the backs of +the lower-class women, nothing in the costume +of the inhabitants could remind you that you +were not in Paris, London, Brussels, or any +other haunt of that badge of modern civilisation, +the chimney-pot. In Glasgow this does not shock +you more than it would in Manchester or Birmingham; +but, in the romantic city of Edinburgh, +even the whistle of the railway engine annoys +you; the cap and kilt are sadly felt wanting, and +you almost want to stop the passers-by and ask +them: "Where are your kilts?" You feel as if +you were cheated out of something.</p> + +<p>Alas! the national costume of the Scotch is +almost a thing of the past: it is no longer a dress—it +is a get-up.</p> + +<p>You may see it yet at fancy dress balls, in the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 168]</span> +army of Her Britannic Majesty, at the Paris +Opera-Comique, and in the comic papers.</p> + +<p>I believe the Royal Princes occasionally don it, +when they go to Scotland in the autumn to shoot; +but even in the remote Highlands the national +costume is dying out, and if you count upon seeing +Scotchmen, dressed Scotch fashion in Scotland, +you will be disappointed. As well look for lions +in the outskirts of Algiers, or a pretty woman in +the streets of Berne.</p> + +<p>A gentleman in kilts would make as great a +sensation in the streets of Edinburgh as he would +on the Boulevard des Italiens. Nay, more, if he +stood still, he might have pence offered him.</p> + +<p>The costume of <i>Dickson</i> in <i>La Dame Blanche</i> is +only seen on the backs of those splendid Highlanders +whom the maidservants in large towns +hire by the afternoon on Sundays to accompany +them to the parks.</p> + +<p>In London you will sometimes see Highlanders—from +Whitechapel—playing the bagpipes and +dancing reels, talents which bring an ample harvest +of pennies in populous neighbourhoods, but +which would fall rather flat in Edinburgh.</p> + +<p>I cannot imagine anything much more picturesque +than Princes Street at night, when the old +city in amphitheatre-shape, on the other side of +the valley, stands out from the sky which it seems +to touch with its old sombre majestic castle, and +its houses ten or twelve stories high, rising tier +above tier up the side of the hill, and shining with<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 169]</span> +a thousand lights. I can understand that the inhabitants +of Edinburgh enjoy to come out in the +evening and feast their eyes on the enchanting +sight, and this even in winter, when the street is a +very funnel for the east wind which blows across +straight from the Scandinavian icebergs.</p> + +<p>Edinburgh is the only town in Great Britain, +which I have visited, whose streets are not shunned +by respectable people at night.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>A fine road about two miles long leads to Leith, +which stands for Piræus to the Scotch Athens. +There, in the mud and smoke, dwells a population +of sixty thousand toil-stained folk, who contrast +strongly with their elegant neighbours of Edinburgh. +There is nothing here to attract the eye +of the traveller, unless it be the harbour with its +two piers—one 3,530, the other 3,123 feet long—where +the inhabitants can go and breathe the sea +air, away from the noise and smoke of the town.</p> + +<p>Along the coast to the west, two miles from +Leith, we come upon the interesting village of +Newhaven. Here we find a little world apart, +composed of fisherfolk, all related one to another, +it is said. They treat as Philistines all who did not +first see the light in their sanctuary, and the +result is that they are constantly intermarrying. +All the men work at fishing. The women go to +Edinburgh to sell what their husbands catch, and +bring back empty baskets and full pockets. These<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 170]</span> +worthy women would think they were robbing +their dear village if they bought the least thing in +Edinburgh. Needless to say, the little community +prospers. To see the costume of the women, who, +in no point imitate the ridiculous get-up of their +sisters in great towns; to see the activity and zeal +for their work, one would believe oneself in France.</p> + +<p>"All the skippers own their own boats, and the +pretty little houses they live in," said the Scotchman +who accompanied me.</p> + +<p>And how neat and clean they look, those little +white houses covered with climbing plants of all +sorts! The whole scene speaks loudly of the +work, thrift, and order of the people.</p> + +<p>By pushing on two miles further we come to +Granton. There we can take the boat which will +carry us over the Firth of Forth, and set us down +at Burntisland in Fifeshire; but instead of there +taking the train to the north of Scotland, we will +stop to see Rossend Castle.</p> + +<p>Standing on a promontory, which dominates the +Firth of Forth and the hills of Edinburgh, Rossend +Castle is one of the most romantic places in +Scotland.</p> + +<p>Its old square tower contains the bedroom +used by Mary Stuart when she travelled in Fifeshire, +and stopped at the castle. The present +owner, whose hospitality is proverbial in the +neighbourhood, has religiously preserved the room +intact. It is there just as it existed three hundred +years ago, with its two little turret-rooms, oak<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 171]</span> +wainscoting, and a thousand relics of its unhappy +visitor.</p> + +<p>The portrait of Mary Stuart at Rossend is the +most striking that I saw in Scotland. Placed +over the mantelpiece, it seems to fill the room +with its dreamy melancholy gaze. It seems to +follow you, and you cannot take your eyes off it. +I occupied this room for four nights, a prey to +the saddest thoughts. It was in the month of +January, and the wind, which was blowing hard +across the Firth, roared round the tower. With +my feet before the fire, which burned in the immense +fireplace, I let my fancy reconstruct the +scene in which poor Chastelard lost his head, first +figuratively, and then in reality.</p> + +<p>As I mentioned in the preceding chapter, my +young and handsome countryman Pierre de Boscosel +de Chastelard had conceived a mad passion +for the queen. He had dared to declare this love +in the Holyrood Palace. His offence was forgiven.</p> + +<p>Imagining, from the fact of his having been +pardoned, that he had succeeded in inspiring +affection in the heart of his royal mistress, the +poor moth must needs flutter again around the +flame, which was to be his destruction. The +romantic troubadour secretly followed the queen +from Edinburgh to Rossend Castle, and, on the +night of the 14th of February, 1562, hid himself in +her chamber, until she was almost undressed for +the night, when he left his hiding-place, and, +seizing the queen in his arms, so alarmed her, that<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 172]</span> +she screamed for protection. This woman who, +to avenge Rizzio's death, did not hesitate to have +a barrel of powder placed under her husband's +bed, felt herself insulted. Her cries attracted her +attendants, and Murray was ordered by the indignant +queen to stab the young madman dead +then and there. But Murray preferred to wreak +his wrath on Chastelard, whom he hated, by +having him hanged. The poor secretary, who +had been so favoured by his mistress that all the +courtiers were jealous of him, who had so often +beguiled her solitude by his poems and his music, +went cheerfully to the scaffold. Like Cornelius +de Witt, who, a century later, recited Horace's +<i>Justum et tenacem</i> while the executioner of The +Hague put him to the torture, Chastelard mounted +the scaffold calm and smiling, reciting Rousard's +<i>Ode to Love</i>.</p> + +<p>"I die not without reproach, like my ancestor +Bayard," said he; "but, like him, I die without +fear."</p> + +<p>And then, turning his eyes towards the castle +inhabited by Mary Stuart, he cried:</p> + +<p>"Adieu, thou cruel but beautiful one, who +killest me, but whom I cannot cease to love!"</p> + +<p>Rossend Castle is a veritable poem in stone. +Do not visit Edinburgh without pushing to Burntisland. +The <i>châtelain</i> is justly proud of his romantic +home, and does the honours of it with a kind +grace that charms the visitor.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 173]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIX" id="CHAPTER_XXIX"></a>CHAPTER XXIX.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Aberdeen, the Granite City.—No sign of the Statue of +"you know whom."—All Grey.—The Town and its +Suburbs.—Character of the Aberdonian.—Why London +could not give an Ovation to a Provost of Aberdeen.—Blue +Hill.—Aberdeen Society.—A thoughtful Caretaker.—To +this Aberdonian's Disappointment, I do not +appear in Tights before the Aberdeen Public.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">t does not enter into the plan of this book to +give a detailed description of the principal +towns and sites in Scotland. That can be +found in any guide-book.</p> + +<p>The aim of this little volume is to give an idea +of the character and customs of the Scotch, from +<i>Souvenirs</i> of several visits made by the author to +the land of Burns and Scott.</p> + +<p>But a few words must be said on the subject of +the City of Granite.</p> + +<p>Aberdeen is a large, clean-looking town, with +more than a hundred thousand inhabitants; wide, +regular streets, fine edifices, and many statues, +among which we are happy, for a change, not to +find that of <i>you know whom</i>.</p> + +<p>If Glasgow and Dundee are the principal +centres of commercial activity in Scotland, Edinburgh +and Aberdeen are the two great centres of +learning.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 174]</span></p> + +<p>Union Street, the principal thoroughfare, is +about half-a-mile long, and is built entirely of +light grey granite, which gives it a rather +monotonous aspect. Public buildings, churches, +private houses, pavements, all are grey; the +inhabitants are mostly dressed in grey, and look +where you will, you seem to see nothing but +grey.</p> + +<p>Just as it is in London, Edinburgh, and Glasgow, +the fashionable quarter is the west, and the +poor live in the east.</p> + +<p>Is this due to chance?</p> + +<p>The most conspicuous edifice of the town is the +Municipal Building, forming a town hall and a +court of justice. The most interesting is Marischal +College, the home of the Faculty and School of +Medicine, which now form part of the University +of Aberdeen, after having had a separate existence +for two hundred and sixty-six years. The college +is a very fine building, but is unfortunately hemmed +in by a number of other buildings which hide its +<i>façade</i>.</p> + +<p>A mile from the town stands the college of the +university (King's College), built in 1495 on the +model of the Paris university. Most of the Scotch +buildings, which date from the fifteenth and sixteenth +centuries, have a very pronounced French +character.</p> + +<p>I would advise tourists, who go as far north as +Aberdeen, not to miss making the ascension of the +Blue Hill, which is about four miles from the town.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 175]</span> +From the summit of this hill, they will see a +delightful panorama of Aberdeen, a stretch of +fifty or sixty miles of coast, the ruins of the +celebrated castle of Dunnottar, and all the valley +of the Dee framed in hills. It is a grand +sight; unfortunately, to thoroughly bring out its +beauties, a clear sky is essential, and there comes +the rub.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The county of Aberdeen is not only one of +the great intellectual centres of Scotland, it +is the home of Caledonian shrewdness and +pawkiness. Aberdeenshire alone furnished more +than half the anecdotes collected by Dean +Ramsay.</p> + +<p>The Aberdonians are the chosen people, the +elect of God.</p> + +<p>Every Scot is proud of his nationality, but an +Aberdonian will tell you: "Not only am I a +Scotchman, but I was born in Aberdeen."</p> + +<p>And true enough, "tak' awa' Aberdeen, and +twal' miles round, and faar are ye?"</p> + +<p>It is related that a provost of Aberdeen, having +come to London with his wife, someone recommended +the lady to be sure and go to Covent +Garden to see the opera.</p> + +<p>"No," she replied, "we have come to London +to be quiet and not to receive ovations. We shall +not show ourselves in public during our stay in the +capital."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 176]</span></p> + +<p>Her resolution was adhered to, and London +saw them not.</p> + +<p>For the future life, the Aberdonian has no fears, +and if he will only recommend you to Saint Peter, +you will not have to wait long at the gates of +Paradise.</p> + +<p>Society in Aberdeen is of the choicest. Its +aristocracy is an aristocracy of talent. In Aberdeen, +as in Edinburgh, the local lions are the +professors of the university, literary people, +doctors, barristers, and artists. To cut a figure +there, you need not jingle your guineas, but only +show your brains and good manners. In Glasgow, +show your <i>savoir-faire</i>; but, in Edinburgh and +Aberdeen, your <i>savoir-vivre</i>.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I cannot quit the subject of Aberdeen without +relating a little incident which exceedingly diverted +me.</p> + +<p>A few hours before delivering a lecture at the +Albert Hall, I paid a visit to the place to see if +my reading-desk had been properly arranged. +Great was my surprise, on entering the hall, to +see near the platform an elegant improvised green-room, +curtained off. I asked the caretaker if there +was not a retiring-room, in which I could await +the moment for beginning my lecture, to which he +replied:</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir; we have an anteroom over there, but +I have set apart this little green-room, because I<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 177]</span> +thought it would be more comfortable for you to +go and change your dresses in during the performance."</p> + +<p>The worthy fellow evidently imagined that I +was going to appear in tights before the lairds of +Aberdeen.</p> + +<p>The learned professor, who had kindly come to +introduce me to my audience, laughed heartily +with me over the joke.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXX" id="CHAPTER_XXX"></a>CHAPTER XXX.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>The Thistle.—"Nemo me impune lacessit."—"Honi soit +qui Mollet pince."—Political Aspirations of the Scotch.—Signification +of Liberalism in Scotland.—Self-Government +in the near Future.—Coercive Pills.—The Disunited +Kingdom.—The United Empire.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 70px;"> +<img src="images/capt.jpg" width="70" height="80" alt="T" title="T" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">he emblem of Scotland is the thistle, the +device <i>Nemo me impune lacessit</i>.</p> + +<p>The great Order of Scotland is that of +the Thistle, or Saint Andrew, the patron saint of +the country, and was instituted by James V. in +1534—that is to say, about two hundred years +after Edward III. of England had founded the +Order of the Garter.</p> + +<p><i>A propos</i> of this Garter, what fables and anecdotes +have been written! Historians even are not agreed<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 178]</span> +as to the origin of the famous device: <i>Honi soit qui +mal y pense</i>.</p> + +<p>The explanation which seems to be the most +plausible is this:</p> + +<p>The Countess of Salisbury, King Edward +III.'s mistress, dropped her garter at a ball. +The king picked it up; but, as the worthy descendant +of a bashful race, he did not attempt +to replace it, but turning towards his courtiers, +said:</p> + +<p>"My lords, <i>honi soit qui mollet pince</i>."</p> + +<p>Then he advanced towards the countess and +gave her her garter.</p> + +<p>The king's expression became corrupted into:</p> + +<p><i>Honi soit qui mal y pense.</i></p> + +<p>This is the correct version, you may depend +on it.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Scots are a nation of hardy, valiant men, +whom the English never would have succeeded in +conquering by force of arms.</p> + +<p>The Scotch will tell you that it was not England +that annexed them, it was they who annexed +England. Let us not grudge them this consolation, +if it gives them any pleasure.</p> + +<p>It is a fact that, on the death of Elizabeth, +James VI. of Scotland—Mary Stuart's son—was +called to fill the English throne, and thus united +the crowns of England and Scotland.</p> + +<p>But these conquering Scots begin to perceive<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 179]</span> +that they are treated rather like conquered Scots +at the Palace of Westminster, and they do not +like it.</p> + +<p>"They are very quiet under it," you may say; +"one does not hear them complaining like the +Irish."</p> + +<p>That is true: Donald is patient, and knows how +to bide his time.</p> + +<p>The Irish question overwhelms every other +political one just now in England. We all know +that the Irish demand Home Rule, and as we do +not hear the Scotch and the Welsh talked of, +we conclude that these two peoples are comfortably +enjoying life under the best of possible +governments.</p> + +<p>Scotland and Wales content themselves for the +present with sending Liberal members to the +British Parliament. But with them the word +"Liberal" has not the political sense which +it possesses in England, it has a rather revolutionary +meaning. I do not mean by this that it +implies an idea of rebellion.</p> + +<p>No. But in their vocabulary it is almost +synonymous with <i>autonomist</i>.</p> + +<p>The English Liberals are men who are convinced +that things are not perfect, and who admit +the possibility of reforms.</p> + +<p>In the eyes of the Scotch, Liberalism consists +in preparing to ask one day for a great +reform: Home Rule. Before ten years have +passed, we shall see Scotland and Wales elect<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 180]</span>ing +Home Rule candidates, as Ireland is doing +now.</p> + +<p>The Scotch will consent to remain British on +condition that the English allow them to become +Scotch—that is to say, to manage for themselves +matters which have no connection with the +Empire, and concern the Scotch people alone; +such as religion, education, and the administration +of justice. They are too shrewd to desire to +become once more Scots pure and simple, and so +renounce their part and profit in the gigantic +concern called the British Empire. They will +continue to send members to Westminster to take +part in the work of governing the Empire, but +they will have a parliament or a council at Edinburgh, +whose business it will be to look after +matters purely Scotch.</p> + +<p>They would be willing to walk hand-in-hand +with England, but not by means of handcuffs.</p> + +<p>The English are fond of talking of Scotland as +if it were a county of England. The Scotch +mean that Scotland shall be Scotland.</p> + +<p>"Let the English look after England," they say, +"and we will look after Scotland. As soon as a +question relating to the British Empire arises, +we will be as British as they. We do not want to +destroy the unity of the Empire, or to break off +our relations with the Parliament; but we simply +wish to do as we like at home."</p> + +<p>There is nothing extraordinary in such a +demand.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 181]</span></p> + +<p>When the Scotch, or the Irish, win a battle, it +is immediately announced in the papers that "the +English have gained a victory." But let an Irishman +or a Scotchman commit a crime, and John +Bull quickly cries out:</p> + +<p>"It is an Irishman," or "It is a Scotchman."</p> + +<p>"Let it be each one to himself, and each for +himself," says Donald, "so long as it is a question +of England or Scotland. But when it is a +question of the great Motherland, then we will +all be Britons."</p> + +<p>The English have this good point: they know +that it is good policy not to try and prevent the +inevitable, but rather to put a good face upon it. +They know that that which is given ungraciously +is received ungratefully.</p> + +<p>They are now administering the eighty-seventh +coercive pill to the Irish. That will be the last.</p> + +<p>In two or three years time, Ireland will belong +to the Irish, as, later on, Scotland will belong to +the Scotch.</p> + +<p>The United Kingdom will only be the more +powerful for it. Having no more internal +squabbles to fear, it will present a formidable +quadruple breast to the outer world.</p> + +<p>London will be the political centre of an +immense imperial federation. England, Scotland, +Ireland, Wales, India, the Cape, Canada, Australia, +all will be represented in a Parliament +really Britannic. Their capitals will be the +respective leaders of this grand team.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 182]</span></p> + +<p>The British Empire will be built upon hearts +in all parts of the globe.</p> + +<p>If there is no longer any United Kingdom, +neither will there be a Disunited Kingdom, and +instead there will be something much more imposing, +much more powerful, there will be</p> + +<p class="center"><big><span class="smcap">The United Empire.</span></big></p> + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<div class="footnotes"> +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_1" id="Footnote_A_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_1"><span class="label">[A]</span></a> I mean "the people." As for the higher classes, their +manners and dress are perfectly English; they only differ in +their political and religious opinions.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_2" id="Footnote_A_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_2"><span class="label">[B]</span></a> I trust to the intelligence of the reader to distinguish +here between the well-bred Scot and his humbler brethren.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_3" id="Footnote_A_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_3"><span class="label">[C]</span></a> It was thus that the defunct was referred to until after +the funeral was over.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_4" id="Footnote_A_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_4"><span class="label">[D]</span></a> Dean Ramsay relates that in Inverness, forty years ago, +the coffin of a certain laird only reached the cemetery at the +end of a fortnight.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_5" id="Footnote_A_5"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_5"><span class="label">[E]</span></a> The finest edition of the Songs of Scotland is that +recently published by Messrs. Muir Wood, of Glasgow.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_6" id="Footnote_A_6"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_6"><span class="label">[F]</span></a> The Scotch dialect has sometimes been called the Doric +of Great Britain.</p></div> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> +<h3>ARROWSMITH'S BRISTOL LIBRARY.</h3> + +<p class="center"><small>"Novel readers ought to bless Mr. Arrowsmith for providing them with +volumes of moderate size and price."—<i>Sunday Gems.</i></small></p> + + +<p class="center"><i>Fcap. 8vo, stiff covers, 1/-; cloth, 1/6 (postage 2d.) each.</i></p> + + +<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> + <th><small>TITLE.</small></th> + <th><small>AUTHOR.</small></th> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>CALLED BACK.</b></td> + <td>HUGH CONWAY.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>BROWN-EYES.</b></td> + <td>MAY CROMMELIN.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>DARK DAYS.</b></td> + <td>HUGH CONWAY.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>FORT MINSTER, M.P.</b></td> + <td>Sir E. J. REED, K.C.B., M.P.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>THE RED CARDINAL.</b></td> + <td>Mrs. FRANCES ELLIOT.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>THE TINTED VENUS.</b></td> + <td>F. ANSTEY.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>JONATHAN'S HOME.</b></td> + <td>ALAN DALE.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>SLINGS AND ARROWS.</b></td> + <td>HUGH CONWAY.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>OUT OF THE MISTS.</b></td> + <td>DANIEL DORMER.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>KATE PERCIVAL.</b></td> + <td>Mrs. J. COMYNS CARR.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>KALEE'S SHRINE.</b></td> + <td>GRANT ALLEN.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>CARRISTON'S GIFT.</b></td> + <td>HUGH CONWAY.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>THE MARK OF CAIN.</b></td> + <td>ANDREW LANG.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>PLUCK.</b></td> + <td>J. STRANGE WINTER.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>DEAR LIFE.</b></td> + <td>Mrs. J. E. PANTON.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>GLADYS' PERIL.</b></td> + <td>JOHN COLEMAN and JOHN C. CHUTE.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>WHOSE HAND?</b> or, The Mystery of No Man's Heath.</td> + <td>W. G. WILLS and The Hon. Mrs. GREENE.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>THAT WINTER NIGHT.</b></td> + <td>ROBERT BUCHANAN.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>THE GUILTY RIVER.</b></td> + <td>WILKIE COLLINS.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>FATAL SHADOWS.</b></td> + <td>Mrs. L. L. LEWIS.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>THE LOVELY WANG.</b></td> + <td>Hon. L. WINGFIELD.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>PATTY'S PARTNER.</b></td> + <td>JEAN MIDDLEMASS.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>"<b>V.R.</b>" A Comedy of Errors.</td> + <td>EDWARD ROSE.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>The <b>PARK LANE MYSTERY.</b> A Story of Love and Magic.</td> + <td>JOSEPH HATTON.</td> +</tr> +</table> + + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> +<h5><i>Bristol</i>: J. W. ARROWSMITH, 11 <span class="smcap">Quay Street</span>.<br /> +<i>London</i>: SIMPKIN, MARSHALL, & Co., 4 <span class="smcap">Stationers' Hall Court</span><br /> +And Railway Bookstalls.</h5> + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> +<h3>Arrowsmith's Christmas Annual.</h3> + +<p class="center"><b>KATHARINE REGINA.</b><br /> +By WALTER BESANT.<br /> + [<i>October 29th.</i></p> + +<hr style='width: 65%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>Crown Quarto.</i> <i>Price Five Shillings.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><b>KING DIDDLE.</b><br /> +BY<br /> +H. C. DAVIDSON.<br /> + +With Thirteen exquisite Illustrations by <span class="smcap">E. A. Lemann.</span></p> + +<hr style='width: 65%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>Fcap. Quarto</i> <i>Price 2s. 6d.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><b>BUZ</b>;<br /> +or, The Life and Adventures of a Honey Bee.<br /> +By MAURICE NOEL.<br /> +Illustrated by <span class="smcap">Linley Sambourne</span>.</p> + +<p class="center">"One of the best children's books this season."—<i>Saturday Review.</i></p> + +<hr style='width: 65%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>Fcap. Quarto.</i> <i>Price 3s. 6d.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><b>UNDER THE WATER.</b><br /> +By MAURICE NOEL, Author of "Buz," &c. Illustrated by +<span class="smcap">E. A. Lemann.</span></p> + +<p class="center">"Inevitably recalls Kingsley's 'Water Babies.'"—<i>Saturday Review.</i></p> + +<p class="center">"Since Kingsley's 'Water Babies' there has not, to our thinking, +appeared a book which combines amusement with wit to such an extent +as 'Under the Water.'"—<i>Colborn's Magazine.</i></p> + +<hr style='width: 65%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>In one vol.</i> <i>Price 5s., cloth (post free 5s. 6d.)</i></p> + +<p class="center"><b>DEAD MEN'S DOLLARS.</b><br /> +By MAY CROMMELIN.<br /> +Author of "Brown-Eyes," "Queenie," "Orange Lily," &c., &c.</p> + +<p class="center">"The story is an extremely interesting one."—<i>Publishers' Circular.</i></p> + +<hr style='width: 65%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>Crown 8vo.</i> <i>Price 5s.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><b>TWYCROSS'S REDEMPTION.</b><br /> + +A Story of Wild Adventure.<br /> + +By ALFRED ST. JOHNSTON.<br /> + +Author of "Camping among Cannibals," "Charlie Asgarde," "In Quest +of Gold," &c., &c.<br /> + +Eight Illustrations by <span class="smcap">Gordon Browne</span>.</p> + + + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> +<h5><i>Bristol:</i> J. W. ARROWSMITH, 11 <span class="smcap">Quay Street</span>.<br /> +<i>London:</i> SIMPKIN, MARSHALL, & Co., 4 <span class="smcap">Stationers' Hall Court</span>.<br /> +And all Booksellers.</h5> + + +<hr style='width: 100%;' /> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<img src="images/i_194.jpg" width="640" height="374" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + + + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> +<h2>TEETH LIKE PEARLS,</h2> +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> +<h2>LUXURIANT HAIR.</h2> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 245px;"> +<img src="images/i_195.jpg" width="245" height="240" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + +<h3>ROWLANDS' ODONTO</h3> + +<p class="center">Is the best, purest, and most fragrant Tooth Powder; it prevents and arrests +decay, strengthens the gums, gives a pleasing fragrance to the breath, and +renders the</p> + +<h4>TEETH WHITE AND SOUND.</h4> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<h3>ROWLANDS' MACASSAR OIL</h3> + +<p class="center">Is the best and safest preserver and beautifier of the hair, and has a most +delicate and fragrant bouquet. It contains no lead or mineral ingredients, and +can also be had in</p> + +<h4>A GOLDEN COLOUR</h4> + +<p class="center">for fair and golden haired children, and people whose hair has become grey.<br /> +Sizes: 3/6, 7/-, 10/6, equal to 4 small.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<h3><small>ASK FOR</small><br /><br /> + +ROWLANDS' ARTICLES,</h3> + +<p class="center">of 20 Hatton Garden, London, and avoid cheap spurious imitations under the +same or similar names.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> + +<h3>A MOST USEFUL AND VALUABLE FAMILY MEDICINE.</h3> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<img src="images/i_196a.jpg" width="640" height="165" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="center">Are one of those rare Medicines which, for their extraordinary properties, +have gained an almost<br /> +<b>UNIVERSAL REPUTATION.</b></p> + +<p>During a period of <span class="smcap">Fifty Years</span> they have been used most extensively +as a Family Medicine, thousands having found them a simple and safe +remedy, and one needful to be kept always at hand.</p> + +<p><i>These Pills are purely Vegetable, being entirely free from Mercury or any +other Mineral, and those who may not hitherto have proved their efficacy +will do well to give them a trial.</i></p> + +<p><i>Numbers are constantly bearing testimony to their great value, as may be +seen from the Testimonials published from time to time. By the timely use +of such a remedy, many of the afflicting disorders which result from proper +means being neglected, might be avoided, and much suffering saved, for</i></p> + +<p class="center"><b>"PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE."</b></p> + +<h4><small>RECOMMENDED FOR DISORDERS OF THE</small><br /> +<big>HEAD, CHEST, BOWELS, LIVER & KIDNEYS;</big><br /> +Also in <span class="smcap">Rheumatism</span>, <span class="smcap">Ulcers</span>, <span class="smcap">Sores</span>, and all +<span class="smcap">Skin Diseases</span>, being<br /> +A DIRECT PURIFIER OF THE BLOOD<br /> +<small>and other fluids of the human body.</small></h4> + +<p><i>Many persons have found these Pills of great service both in preventing +and relieving</i> <span class="smcap">Sea-Sickness</span>; <i>and in Warm Climates they are +very beneficial in all Bilious Complaints</i>.</p> + + +<p class="center"><b>WHELPTON'S VEGETABLE STOMACH PILLS</b><br /> +Are particularly suited to Weakly Persons, being exceedingly +mild and gradual in their operation, imparting tone +and vigour to the Digestive Organs.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<img src="images/i_196b.jpg" width="640" height="178" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="center">Sold in boxes, price 7½d., 1s. 1½d., and 2s. 9d., by <span class="smcap">G. Whelpton & Son</span>, +8 Crane Court, Fleet Street, London, at all Chemists and Medicine +Vendors at home and abroad. Sent free by post in the United Kingdom +for 8, 14 or 33 stamps.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> +<h4>GOLD MEDALS, EDINBURGH AND LIVERPOOL EXHIBITIONS.<br /> +33 PRIZE MEDALS AWARDED TO THE FIRM.</h4> + +<h2><big>FRY'S</big><br /> +<small>PURE CONCENTRATED</small><br /> +<big>COCOA</big></h2> + +<p class="center"><b>Prepared by a new and special scientific process, securing extreme +solubility, and developing the finest flavour of the Cocoa.</b></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<img src="images/i_197.jpg" width="640" height="380" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">SOLUBLE—EASILY DIGESTED—ECONOMICAL.</span> +</div> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><b>W. H. R. STANLEY, M.D.</b>—"I consider it a very rich, +delicious Cocoa. It is highly Concentrated, and therefore economical +as a family food. It is the drink <i>par excellence</i> for children, and +gives no trouble in making."</p></div> + +<p class="center"><span class="u">Ask your Grocer for a Sample and copy +of Testimonials.</span></p> + + +<h3>J. S. FRY & SONS, Bristol, London, & Sydney, N.S.W.<br /> +<small><span class="smcap">MAKERS TO THE QUEEN and PRINCE OF WALES.</span></small></h3> + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Friend Mac Donald, by Max O'Rell + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRIEND MAC DONALD *** + +***** This file should be named 33883-h.htm or 33883-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/3/8/8/33883/ + +Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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