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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/33883-8.txt b/33883-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b875293 --- /dev/null +++ b/33883-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,6227 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Friend Mac Donald, by Max O'Rell + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Friend Mac Donald + +Author: Max O'Rell + +Release Date: October 25, 2010 [EBook #33883] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRIEND MAC DONALD *** + + + + +Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + + + + + + + TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE: Punctuation has been normalized. + + + + + _All rights reserved_ + + Friend Mac Donald + + BY + + MAX O'RELL + + AUTHOR OF + "JOHN BULL AND HIS ISLAND," ETC + + + Arrowsmith's Bristol Library + VOL. XXV + + + BRISTOL + J. W. ARROWSMITH, 11 QUAY STREET + + LONDON + SIMPKIN, MARSHALL & CO., 4 STATIONERS' HALL COURT + + 1887 + + + + +CONTENTS. + + +CHAP. I. -- A Word to Donald. -- The Scotch Anecdote and its Character. +-- The Scotch painted by Themselves. + +CHAP. II. -- Donald, a British Subject, but no Englishman. -- Opinion of +the greatest English Wit on the Scotch, and the worth of that Opinion. +-- The Wit of Donald and the Wit of the Cockney. -- Intelligence and +Intellectuality. -- Donald's Exterior. -- Donald's Interior. -- Help +yourself and Heaven will help you. -- An Irish and a Scotch Servant +facing a Difficulty. -- How a small Scotchman may make himself useful in +the Hour of Danger. -- Characteristics. -- Donald on Train Journeys. +--One Way of avoiding Tolls. + +CHAP. III. -- All Scots know how to Reckon. -- Rabelais in Scotland. +--How Donald made Twopence-halfpenny by going to the Lock-up. +--Difference between Buying and Stealing. -- Scotch Honesty. -- Last +Words of a Father to his Son. -- Abraham in Scotland. -- How Donald +outdid Jonathan. -- Circumspection, Insinuations, and Negations. +--Delicious Declarations of Love. -- Laconism. -- Conversation reduced +to its simplest Expression. -- A, e, i, o, u. -- A Visit to Thomas +Carlyle. --The Silent Academy of Hamadan. -- With the Author's +Compliments. + +CHAP. IV. -- The traditional Hospitality of the Highlands. -- One more +fond Belief gone. -- Highland Bills. -- Donald's two Trinities. -- Never +trust Donald on Saturdays and Mondays. -- The Game he prefers. -- A +Well-informed Man. -- Ask no Questions and you will be told no Tales. +--How Donald showed prodigious Things to a Cockney in the Highlands. +--There is no Man so dumb as he who will not be heard. + +CHAP. V. -- Resemblance of Donald to the Norman. -- Donald marketing. +--Bearding a Barber. -- Norman Replies. -- Cant. -- Why the Whisky was +not marked on the Hotel Bill. -- New Use for the Old and New Testaments. +-- You should love your Enemies and not swallow them. -- A modest Wish. + +CHAP. VI. -- Democratic Spirit in Scotland. -- One Scot as good as +another. -- Amiable Beggars. -- Familiarity of Servants. -- Shout all +together! -- A Scotchman who does not admire his Wife. -- Donald's +Pride. -- The Queen and her Scotch People. -- Little Presents keep alive +Friendship. + +CHAP. VII. -- Scottish Perseverance. -- Thomas Carlyle, David +Livingstone, and General Gordon. -- Literary Exploits of a Scotchman. +-- Scottish Students. -- All the Students study. -- A useful Library. -- +A Family of three. -- Coming, Sir, coming! -- Killed in Action. +-- Scotchmen at Oxford. -- Balliol College. + +CHAP. VIII. -- Good old Times. -- A Trick. -- Untying Cravats. -- Bible +and Whisky. -- Evenings in Scotland. -- The Dining-room. -- Scots of the +old School. -- Departure of the Whisky and Arrival of the Bible. -- The +Nightcap in Scotland. -- Five Hours' Rest. -- The Gong and its Effects. +-- Fresh as Larks. -- Iron Stomachs. + +CHAP. IX. -- Religion and Churches in Scotland. -- Why Scotch Bishops +cut a poor Figure. -- Companies for Insuring against the Accidents of +the Life to come. -- Religious Lecture-Rooms. -- No one can Serve two +Masters. -- How the Gospel Camel was able to pass through the Eye of a +Needle. -- Incense and Common Sense. -- I understand, therefore I +believe. -- Conversions at Home. -- Conversions in Open Air. -- A modest +Preacher. -- A well-filled Week. -- Touching Piety. -- Donald recommends +John Bull and Paddy to the Lord. + +CHAP. X. -- Donald's Relations with the Divinity. -- Prayers and +Sermons. -- Signification of the word "Receptivity." -- Requests and +Thanksgivings. -- "Repose in Peace." -- "Thou excelledst them all." +-- Explanation of Miracles. -- Pulpit Advertisements. -- Pictures of the +Last Judgment. -- One of the Elect belated. -- An Urchin Preacher. -- A +Considerate Beggar. + +CHAP. XI. -- The Scotch Sabbath. -- The Saviour in the Cornfield. -- A +good Advertisement. -- Difference between the Inside and the Outside of +an Omnibus. -- How useful it is to be able to speak Scotch in Scotland. +-- Sermon and Lesson on Balistics at Edinburgh. -- If you do Evil on the +Sabbath, do it well. + +CHAP. XII. -- Scotch Bonhomie. -- Humour and Quick-Wittedness. -- +Reminiscences of a Lecturer. -- How the Author was once taken for an +Englishman. + +CHAP. XIII. -- Drollery of Scotch Phraseology. -- A Scotchman who Lost +his Head. -- Two Severe Wounds. -- Premature Death. -- A Neat +Comparison. -- Cold Comfort. + +CHAP. XIV. -- Family Life. -- "Can I assist you?" -- "No. I will assist +myself, thank you." -- Hospitality in good Society. -- The Friends of +Friends are Friends. -- When the Visitors come to an End there are more +to follow. -- Good Society. -- Women. -- Men. -- Conversation in +Scotland. -- A touching little Scene. + +CHAP. XV. -- Little Sketches of Family Life in Scotland. -- The +Scotchman of "John Bull and his Island." -- Painful Explanations. -- As +a Father I love you, as a Customer I take you in. -- A good Investment. +-- Killing two Birds with one Stone. -- A young Man in a Hurry. + +CHAP. XVI. -- Matrimonial Ceremonies. -- Sweethearts. -- "Un serrement +de main vaut dix serments de bouche." -- "Jack's kisses were nicer than +that." -- A Platonic Lover. -- "Excuse me, I'm married." -- A wicked +Trick. + +CHAP. XVII. -- Donald is not easily knocked down. -- He calmly +contemplates Death, especially other people's. -- A thoughtful Wife. -- +A very natural Request. -- A consolable Father. -- "Job," 1st chapter, +21st verse. -- Merry Funerals. -- They manage Things better in Ireland. +-- Gone just in Time. -- Touching Funeral Orations. + +CHAP. XVIII. -- Intellectual Life in Scotland. -- The Climate is not so +bad as it is represented to be. -- Comparisons. -- Literary and +Scientific Societies. -- Why should not France possess such Societies? +-- Scotch Newspapers. -- Scotland is the Sinew of the British Empire. + +CHAP. XIX. -- Higher Education in Scotland. -- The Universities. -- How +they differ from English Universities. -- Is he a Gentleman? -- +Scholarships. -- A visit to the University of Aberdeen. -- English +Prejudice against Scotch Universities. + +CHAP. XX. -- Scotch Literature. -- Robert Burns. -- Walter Scott. -- +Thomas Carlyle. -- Adam Smith. -- Burns Worship. -- Scotch Ballads and +Poetry. + +CHAP. XXI. -- The Dance in Scotland. -- Reels and Highland Schottische. +-- Is Dancing a Sin? -- Dances of Antiquity. -- There is no Dancing now. + +CHAP. XXII. -- The Wisdom of Scotland. -- Proverbs. -- Morals in Words +and Morals in Deeds. -- Maxims. -- The Scot is a Judge of Human Nature. +-- Scotch and Norman Proverbs compared. -- Practical Interpretation of a +Passage of the Bible. + +CHAP. XXIII. -- Massacre of the English Tongue. -- Donald, the Friend of +France. -- Scotch Anecdotes again. -- Reason of their Drollery. -- +Picturesque Dialect. -- Dry Old Faces. -- A Scotch Chambermaid. -- +Oddly-placed Moustachios. -- My Chimney Smokes. -- Sarcastic Spirit. -- +A good Chance of entering Paradise thrown away. -- Robbie Burns and the +Greenock Shopkeeper. + +CHAP. XXIV. -- The Staff of Life in Scotland. -- Money is round and +flat. -- Cheap Restaurants. -- Democratic Bill of Fare. -- Caution to +the Public. -- "Parritch!" -- The Secret of Scotland's Success. -- The +National Drink of Scotland. -- Scotch and Irish Whiskies. -- Whisky a +very slow Poison. -- Dean Ramsay's best Anecdote. + +CHAP. XXV. -- Hors d'oeuvre. -- A Word to the Reader, and another to +the Critic. -- A Man who has a right to be Proud. -- Why? + +CHAP. XXVI. -- Glasgow. -- Origin of the Name. -- Rapid Growth of the +City. -- St. Mungo's Injunction to Donald. -- James Watt and the Clyde. +-- George Square. -- Exhibition of Sculpture in the open Air. -- Royal +Exchange. -- Wellington again. -- Wanted an Umbrella. -- The Cathedral. +-- How it was saved by a Gardener. -- The Streets. -- Kelvingrove Park. +-- The University. -- The Streets at Night. -- The Tartan Shawls a +Godsend. -- The Populace. -- Pity for the poor little Children. -- +Sunday Lectures in Glasgow. -- To the Station, and let us be off. + +CHAP. XXVII. -- Edinburgh. -- Glasgow's Opinion thereof, and _vice +versā_. -- High Street. -- The Old Town. -- John Knox's House. -- The +old Parliament House. -- Holyrood Palace. -- Mary Stuart. -- Arthur's +Seat. -- The University. -- The Castle. -- Princes Street. -- Two Greek +Buildings. -- The Statues. -- Walter Scott. -- The inevitable Wellington +again. -- Calton Hill. -- The Athens of the North and the modern +Parthenon. -- Why did not the Scotch buy the ancient Parthenon of the +modern Greeks? -- Lord Elgin. -- The Acropolis of Edinburgh. -- Nelson +for a Change. + +CHAP. XXVIII. -- Where are the Scotch? -- Something wanting in the +Landscape. -- The Inhabitants. -- The Highlanders and the Servant Girls. +-- Evening in Princes Street. -- Leith and the Firth of Forth. -- +Rossend Castle at Burntisland. -- Mary Stuart once more. -- I receive +Scotch Hospitality in the Bedroom where Chastelard was as enterprising +as unfortunate. + +CHAP. XXIX. -- Aberdeen the Granite City. -- No sign of the Statue of +"you know whom." -- All Grey. -- The Town and its Suburbs. -- Character +of the Aberdonian. -- Why London could not give an Ovation to a Provost +of Aberdeen. -- Blue Hill. -- Aberdeen Society. -- A thoughtful +Caretaker. -- To this Aberdonian's Disappointment, I do not appear in +Tights before the Aberdeen Public. + +CHAP. XXX. -- The Thistle. -- "Nemo me impune lacessit." -- "Honi soit +qui Mollet pince." -- Political Aspirations of the Scotch. -- +Signification of Liberalism in Scotland. -- Self-Government in the near +Future. -- Coercive Pills. -- The Disunited Kingdom. -- The United +Empire. + +PRINTING OFFICE OF THE PUBLISHER + + + + +Friend Mac Donald. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + A Word to Donald. -- The Scotch Anecdote and its Character. -- + The Scotch painted by Themselves. + + +Ah! my dear Donald, what good stories you told me in the few months that +I had the pleasure of passing with you! How you stuffed and saturated me +with them! + +And the English pretend that nobody laughs in Scotland! + +Don't they though! and with the right sort of laughter, too: a laugh +that is frank, and full of _finesse_ and good-humour. + +You will be astonished, perhaps, that a three or four months' sojourn in +Scotland should permit me to write a little volume on your dear country, +and you will, may be, accuse me of having visited you with the idea of +seeking two hundred pages for the printer. + +You would be very wrong in your impression, if you thought so. + +To tell the truth, I did not take a single note in Scotland; but, on my +return home, all those delicious anecdotes came back to my memory, and +I could not resist the temptation of telling a few of them to my +compatriots. + +After all, Scotland is almost a closed letter to the French; and I +thought I might make myself useful and agreeable in offering French +readers a picture of the manners and character of the Caledonians. + +If, in order to be a success, a book of travels must be full of the +strange and the horrible, it is all up with this one. But such is not +the case; and he who advanced this opinion calumniated the public. + +I have as much right as anyone to contradict such an assertion; for the +public has been pleased to give the kindest reception to my books on +England, and I certainly never had any other aim or ambition than that +of telling the truth according to Horace's principle, _Ridentem dicere +verum quid vetat_? + +Scotland is perhaps the only country whose anecdotes alone would suffice +to give an exact idea of her inhabitants. + +Irish anecdotes are exceedingly droll; but they only tend to show the +thoughtless side of the Irish character. They are very amusing bulls; +but while they divert, they do not instruct. + +In Scotland, on the contrary, you find in the anecdotes a picture of the +Scotch manners and character, as complete as it is faithful. + +The Scot has kept the characteristics of his ancestors; but his manners +have been toned down, and the language he speaks is growing more and +more English: he is a changed man, and, in good society, you might be +puzzled to tell him from an Englishman. + +This is not a compliment, for he has no desire to pass for other than +Scotch. + +Among those characteristics, there are two which he has preserved intact +to the present day: _finesse_ and matter-of-fact good-humour. You will +find these two traits in every grade of Scotch life--in tradesman, +mechanic, and peasant. + +This is why, setting aside the upper classes, the Scotch differ +essentially from the English. + +It is because of that good-humour that the Scot is more communicative +than the Englishman. He knows his failings, and does not mind talking +about them; in fact, he will give you anecdotes to illustrate them, and +this because they are national, and he loves to dwell on anything which +reminds him that Scotland is a nation. + +I might have entitled this volume, "The Scotch painted by themselves," +for I do but write down what I saw and heard. I owe the scenes of life I +describe to the Scotch who enacted them before me, and the anecdotes to +those who were kind enough to tell them to me. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + Donald, a British subject, but no Englishman. -- Opinion of + the greatest English Wit on the Scotch, and the worth of that + Opinion. -- The Wit of Donald and the Wit of the Cockney. -- + Intelligence and Intellectuality. -- Donald's Exterior. -- + Donald's Interior. -- Help yourself and Heaven will help you. + -- An Irish and a Scotch Servant facing a Difficulty. -- How a + small Scotchman may make himself useful in the Hour of Danger. + -- Characteristics. -- Donald on Train Journeys. -- One Way of + avoiding Tolls. + + +In the eyes of the French, the Scot is a British subject--in other +words, an Englishman--dressed in a Tam-o'-Shanter, a plaid, and kilt of +red and green tartan, and playing the bagpipes; for the rest, speaking +English, eating roast beef, and swearing by the Bible. + +For that matter, many English people are pleased to entertain the same +illusions on the subject of the dwellers in the north of Great Britain. + +Yet, never were two nations[A] so near on the map, and so far removed in +their ways and character. + + [A] I mean "the people." As for the higher classes, their + manners and dress are perfectly English; they only differ + in their political and religious opinions. + +The Scots English! Well, just advance that opinion in the presence of +one, and you will see how it will be received. + +The Scotchman is a British subject; but if you take him for an +Englishman, he draws himself up, and says: + +"No, Sir; I am not English. I am a Scotchman." + +He is Scotch, and he intends to remain Scotch. He is proud of his +nationality, and I quite understand it. + +Of all the inhabitants of the more-or-less-United Kingdom, Friend Donald +is the most keen, sturdy, matter-of-fact, persevering, industrious, and +witty. + +The most witty! Now I have said something. + +Yes, the most witty, with all due respect to the shade of Sydney Smith. + +So little do the English know the Scotch, that when I spoke to them of +my intention to lecture in Scotland, they laughed at me. + +"But don't you know, my dear fellow," they exclaimed, "that it is only +by means of a pickaxe that you can get a joke into the skull of a +Scotchman?" + +And the fact is, that since the day when Sydney Smith, of jovial memory, +pronounced his famous dictum, that it required a surgical operation to +make a Scotchman understand a joke, poor Donald has been powerless to +prevent past and present generations from repeating the phrase of the +celebrated wit. + +All in vain did Scotland produce Smollett, Robert Burns, Walter Scott, +and Thomas Carlyle, in the eyes of the English, the Scotchman has +remained the personification of slow-wittedness--a poor fellow incapable +of making much beyond prayers and money, and the Londoner who has never +travelled--the poor Cockney who still firmly believes that the French +are feeble creatures, living on snails and frogs--this Londoner, the +most stupid animal in the world (after the Paris _badaud_, perhaps), +goes about repeating to all who will listen to such nonsense: + +"Dull and heavy as a Scotchman!" + +Give a few minutes' start to a hoax, and you will never be able to +overtake it. + +To tell the truth, the wit of, I will not say, an Englishman, but a +Cockney, is not within the reach of the Scot. Jokes, play upon words, +and bantering are not in his line. A pun will floor him completely; but +I hope to be able to prove, by means of a few anecdotes, that Donald has +real wit, and humour above all--humour of the light, subtle kind, that +would pass by a Cockney without making the least impression. + +I do not wish to say that there is more intelligence in Scotland than in +England; but I can in all security say there is more intellectuality. + +The Cockney must have his puns and small jokes. On the stage, he +delights in jigs; and to really please him, the best of actors have to +become rivals of the mountebanks at a fair. A hornpipe delights his +heart. An actor who, for an hour together, pretends not to be able to +keep on his hat, sends him into the seventh heaven of delight; and I +have seen the tenants of the stalls applaud these things. Such +performances make the Scotch smile, but with pity. The Cockney! When you +have said that you have said everything: it is a being who will find +fault with the opera of _Faust_, because up to the present time no +manager has given the Kermess scene the attraction of an acrobat turning +a wheel or standing on his head. + +No, no; the Scotchman has no wit of this sort. In the matter of wit, he +is an epicure, and only appreciates dainty food. A smart repartee will +tickle his sides agreeably; he understands _demi-mots_; he is +good-tempered, and can take a joke as well as see through one. His +quick-wittedness and the subtlety of his character make him full of +quaint remarks and funny and unexpected comparisons. He is a stranger to +affectation--that dangerous rock to the would-be wit; he is natural, and +is witty without trying to be a wit. + +Yes, Donald is witty; but he possesses more solid qualities as well. + +We will make acquaintance with his intellectual qualities presently. + +As to his exterior--look at him: he is as strong as his own granite, and +cut out for work. + +A head well planted on a pair of broad shoulders; a strong-knit, sinewy +frame; small, keen eyes; iron muscles; a hand that almost crushes your +own as he shakes it; and large flat feet that only advance cautiously +and after having tried the ground: such is Donald. + +Needless to say that he generally lives to a good old age. + +I never knew a Christian so confident of going to Paradise, or less +eager to set out. + + * * * * * + +Why does the Scotchman succeed everywhere? Why, in Australia, New +Zealand, and all the other British Colonies, do you find him landowner, +director of companies, at the head of enterprises of all kinds? Again, +why do you find in almost all the factories of Great Britain that the +foreman is Scotch? + +Ah! it is very simple. + +Success is very rarely due to extraordinary circumstances, or to chance, +as the social failures are fond of saying. + +The Scot is economical, frugal, matter-of-fact, exact, thoroughly to be +depended upon, persevering, and hard-working. + +He is an early riser; when he earns but half-a-crown a day, he puts by +sixpence or a shilling; he minds his own business, and does not meddle +with other people's. + +Add to these qualities the body that I was speaking of--a body healthy, +bony, robust, and rendered impervious to fatigue by the practice of +every healthful exercise--and you will understand why the Scotch succeed +everywhere. + +His religion teaches him to trust in God, and to rely upon his own +resources--an eminently practical religion, whose device is: + +_Help yourself and Heaven will help you._ + +If a Scotchman were wrecked near an outlandish island in Oceania, I +guarantee that you will find him, a few years later, installed as a +landed proprietor, exacting rents and taxes from the natives. + +Where the English, the Irish especially, will starve, the Scotch will +exist; where the English can exist, the Scotch will dine. + + * * * * * + +The following little scene, which took place in my house, enlightened me +very much as to why one finds the Scotch farming their own land in the +colonies, while the Irish are doing labourers' work. + +I had an Irish cook, an honest woman if ever there was one, faithful, +and of a religion as sincere as it was unpractical. + +The housemaid, a true-born Scotch girl, came down one morning to find +the poor cook on her knees in the act of imploring Heaven to make her +fire burn. + +"But your wood is damp," she exclaimed; "how can ye expect it to burn? +Pray, if ye will, but the Lord has a muckle to mind; and ye'd do weel to +pit your wood in the oven o' nights, instead of bothering Him wi' such +trifles." + +"It was faith, nevertheless," said a worthy lady, to whom I told the +matter. + +It was idleness, thought I, or very much like it. + +Doctor Norman Macleod tells how he was once in a boat, on a Highland +lake, when a storm came on, which menaced him and his companions with +the most serious danger. The doctor, a tall, strong man, had with him a +Scotch minister, who was small and delicate. The latter addressed +himself to the boatman, and, drawing his attention to the danger they +were in, proposed that they should all pray. + +"Na, na," said the boatman; "let the little ane gang to pray, but first +the big ane maun tak' an oar, or we shall be drouned." + + * * * * * + +Donald is the most practical man on earth. + +He is a man who takes life seriously, and whom nothing will divert from +the road that leads to the goal. + +He is a man who monopolises all the good places in this world and the +next; who keeps the Commandments, and everything else worth keeping; who +swears by the Bible--and as hard[B] as a Norman carter; who serves God +every Sabbath day and Mammon all the week; who has a talent for keeping +a great many things, it is true, but especially his word, when he gives +it you. + + [B] I trust to the intelligence of the reader to distinguish + here between the well-bred Scot and his humbler brethren. + +He is not a man of brilliant qualities, but he is a man of solid ones, +who can only be appreciated at his true worth when you have known him +some time. He does not jump at you with demonstrations of love, nor does +he swear you an eternal friendship; but if you know how to win his +esteem, you may rely upon him thoroughly. + +He is a man who pays prompt cash, but will have the value of his money. + +If ever you travel with a Scotchman from Edinburgh to London, you may +observe that he does not take his eyes off the country the train goes +through. He looks out of the window all the time, so as not to miss a +pennyworth of the money he has paid for his place. Remark to him, as you +yawn and stretch yourself, that it's a long, tiring, tiresome journey, +and he will probably exclaim: + +"Long, indeed, long! I should think so, sir; and so it ought to be for +£2 17s. 6d.!" + + * * * * * + +I know of a Scot, who, rather than pay the toll of a bridge in +Australia, takes off his coat, which he rolls and straps on his back, +in order to swim across the stream. + +He is not a miser; on the contrary, his generosity is well known in his +own neighbourhood. He is simply an eccentric Scot, who does not see why +he should pay for crossing a river that he can cross for nothing. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + All Scots know how to reckon. -- Rabelais in Scotland. -- How + Donald made two pence halfpenny by going to the Lock-up. -- + Difference between buying and stealing. -- Scotch Honesty. -- + Last words of a Father to his Son. -- Abraham in Scotland. -- + How Donald outdid Jonathan. -- Circumspection, Insinuations, and + Negations. -- Delicious Declarations of Love. -- Laconism. -- + Conversation reduced to its simplest Expression. -- A, e, i, o, + u. -- A visit to Thomas Carlyle. -- The Silent Academy of + Hamadan. -- With the Author's Compliments. + + +All the Scotch know how to read, write, and reckon. + +Especially reckon. + +The following adventure happened but the other day. + +A wily Caledonian, accused of having insulted a policeman, was condemned +by the Bailie of his village to pay a fine of half-a-crown, with the +alternative of six days' imprisonment. + +As there are few Scots who have not half-a-crown in their pockets, you +will perhaps imagine that Friend Donald paid the money, glad to get out +of the scrape so cheaply. + +Not at all: when you are born in Scotland, you do not part with your +cash without a little reflection. + +So Donald reflected a moment. + +Will he pay or go to jail? His heart wavers. + +"I will go to jail," he exclaims, suddenly struck with a luminous idea. + +Now the prison was in the chief town of his county, and it so happened +that he had a little business to arrange there, but the railway fare was +two shillings and eight pence halfpenny. + +He passes the night in the lock-up, and in the morning is taken off by +train to the prison. + +Once safely there, Donald pulls half-a-crown from his purse, and demands +a receipt of the governor, who has no choice but to give it him and set +him at liberty. Our hero, proud as a king at the success of his plan, +and the two pence halfpenny clear profit it has brought him, steers for +the town and arranges his business. + +Rabelais was not more cunning when he hit upon his stratagem for getting +carried to Paris. + + * * * * * + +The Scotch themselves are fond of telling the following: + +Dugald--"Did ye hear that Sandy McNab was ta'en up for stealin' a coo?" + +Donald--"Hoot, toot, the stipit body! Could he no bocht it, and no paid +for 't." + +This explains why the Scotch prisons are relatively empty. Donald is +often in the county court, but seldom in the police-court. + +A good Scot begins the day with the following prayer: + +"O Lord! grant that I may take no one in this day, and that no one may +take me in. If Thou canst grant me but one of these favours, O Lord, +grant that no one may take me in." + + * * * * * + +He would be a clever fellow, however, who could take in Donald. + +There is no country where compacts are more faithfully kept than in +Scotland. When you have the signature of a Scotchman in your pocket, you +may make your mind easy; but, if you sign an agreement with him, you may +be certain that he runs no risk of repenting of the transaction. + +He is rarely at fault in his reckoning; but if, by chance, an error +escapes him, it is not he who suffers by it. + +I must hasten, however, to say that the honesty of the Scotch in England +is proverbial. I have always heard the English say they liked doing +business with Scotch firms, because they had the very qualities +desirable in a customer: straight-forwardness and solvency. + +Donald's honesty is all the more admirable, because he is firmly +convinced in his heart, that he will go straight to Paradise whatever he +may do. You will confess that there is danger about a Christian who +feels sure that many things shall be forgiven him. + +Perhaps his honesty may be the result of reflection, if the following +little anecdote that was told me in Scotland is any criterion: + +A worthy father, feeling death at hand, sends for his son to hear his +last counsels. + +"Donald," he says to him, "listen to the last words of your old father. +If you want to get on in the world, be honest. Never forget that, in all +business, honesty is the best policy. You may take my word for it, my +son,--_I hae tried baith_." + +This worthy Scot deserved an epitaph in the style of that one which the +late Count Beust speaks of having seen on a tombstone at Highclere: + +"Here lies Donald, who was as honest a man as it is possible to be in +this world." + + * * * * * + +The Jews never got a footing in Scotland: they would have starved there. + +They came; but they saw ... and gave it up. + +You may find one or two in Glasgow, but they are in partnership with +Scotchmen, and do not form a band apart. They do not do much local +business: they are exporters and importers. + +The Aberdonians tell of a Jew who once came to their city and set up in +business; but it was not long before he packed up his traps and decamped +from that centre of Scotch 'cuteness. + +"Why are you going?" they asked him. "Is it because there are no Jews in +Aberdeen?" + +"Oh, no," he replied; "I am going because you are all Jews here." + +An American was so ill-inspired as to try his hand there where even a +Jew had been beaten. + +The good folk of Aberdeen are very proud of telling the following +anecdote, which dates from only a few months back, and was in everyone's +mouth at the time of my visit to the city of granite: + +An American lecturer had signed an agreement with an Aberdonian, by +which he undertook to go and lecture in Aberdeen for a fee of twenty +pounds. + +Dazzled by the success of his lectures, which were drawing full houses +in all parts of England, the American bethought himself that he might +have made better terms with Donald. Acting on this idea, he soon sent +him a telegram, running thus: + +"Enormous success. Invitations numerous. Cannot do Aberdeen for less +than thirty pounds. Reply prepaid." + +The Scot was not born to be taken in. + +On the contrary. + +Donald, armed with the treaty in his pocket, goes calmly to the +telegraph office and wires: + +"All right. Come on." + +Jonathan, encouraged by the success of this first venture, rubs his +hands, and, two days later, sends a second telegram, as follows: + +"Invitations more and more numerous. Impossible to do Aberdeen for less +than forty pounds." + +Donald thinks the thing very natural, and laughs in his sleeve. He bids +the messenger wait, and without hesitation he scribbles: + +"All right. Come on." + +Jonathan doubtless rubbed his hands harder than ever, and might have +been very surprised if he had been told that Donald was rubbing his too. + +However, he arrived in Aberdeen radiant, gave his lecture, and at the +end was presented by Donald with a cheque for twenty pounds. + +"Twenty pounds--but it is forty pounds you owe me!" + +"You make a mistake," replied Donald, quietly: "here is our treaty, +signed and registered." + +"But I sent you a telegram to tell you that I could not possibly come +for less than forty pounds." + +"Quite so," replied Donald, unmoved. + +"And you answered--'All right. Come on.'" + +"That is true." + +"Well then?" + +"Well, my dear sir, it is all right: you have come--now, you may go." + +Like the crow in La Fontaine's fable, Jonathan registered a vow ... but +a little late. + +"Ah!" cried the Aberdonian who told me the story, "Jonathan will not go +back to America to tell his compatriots that he took in a Scotchman." +And his eyes gleamed with national pride as he added: "It was no harm to +try." + +He considered the conduct of the American quite natural, it was clear. + +As for me, I thought that "All right--come on," a magnificent example of +Scotch diplomacy and humour. + + * * * * * + +Donald has a still cooler head than his neighbour John Bull, and that is +saying a good deal. In business, in love even, he never loses his head. +He is circumspect. He proceeds by insinuations, still oftener by +negations, and that even in the most trifling matters. He does not +commit himself: he _doubts_, he goes as far as to _believe_; but he will +never push temerity so far as to be _perfectly sure_. Ask a Scotchman +how he is. He will never reply that he is well, but that he is _no bad +ava_. + +I heard a Scotchman tell the butler to fill his guests' glasses in the +following words: + +"John, if you were to fill our glasses, we wadna be the waur for 't." + +Remark to a Highlander that the weather is very warm, and he will reply: + +"I don't doubt but it may be; but that's your opinion." + +This manner of expressing themselves in hints and negations must have +greatly sharpened the wits of the Scotch. + +Here, for instance, is a delicious way of making a young girl understand +that you love her, and wish to marry her. I borrow it from Dr. Ramsay's +_Reminiscences_. + +Donald proposes to Mary a little walk. + +They go out, and in their ramble they pass through the churchyard. + +Pointing with his finger to one of the graves, this lover says: + +"My folk lie there, Mary; wad ye like to lie there?" + +Mary took the grave hint, says the Doctor, and became his wife, but does +not yet _lie there_. + +Much in the same vein is an anecdote that was told me in an Edinburgh +house one day at dessert: + +Jamie and Janet have long loved each other, but neither has spoken word +to the other of this flame. + +At last Donald one day makes up his mind to break the ice. + +"Janet," he says, "it must be verra sad to lie on your death bed and hae +no ane to houd your han' in your last moments?" + +"That is what I often say to mysel, Jamie. It must be a pleasant thing +to feel that a frien's han' is there to close your ee when a' is ower." + +"Ay, ay, Janet; and that is what mak's me sometimes think o' marriage. +After all, we war na made to live alone." + +"For my pairt, I am no thinkin' o' matrimony. But still, the thoucht of +livin' wi' a mon that I could care for is no disagreeable to me," says +Janet. "Unfortunately, I have not come across him yet." + +"I believe I hae met wi' the woman I loe," responds Jamie; "but I dinna +ken whether she lo'es me." + +"Why dinna ye ask her, Jamie?" + +"Janet," says Jamie, without accompanying his words with the slightest +chalorous movement, "wad ye be that woman I was speakin' of?" + +"If I died before you, Jamie, I wad like your han' to close my een." + +The engagement was completed with a kiss to seal the compact. + + * * * * * + +The Scot, in his quality of a man of action, talks little; all the less, +perhaps, because he knows that he will have to give an account of every +idle word in the Last Day. + +He has reduced conversation to its simplest expression. Sometimes even +he will restrain himself, much to the despair of foreigners, so far as +to only pronounce the accentuated syllable of each word. What do I say? +The syllable? He will often sound but the vowel of that syllable. + +Here is a specimen of Scotch conversation, given by Dr. Ramsay: + +A Scot, feeling the warp of a plaid hanging at a tailor's door, +enquires: + +"Oo?" (Wool?) + +_Shopkeeper_--"Ay, oo." (Yes, wool.) + +_Customer_--"A' oo?" (All wool?) + +_Shopkeeper_--"Ay, a' oo." (Yes, all wool.) + +_Customer_--"A' ae oo?" (All one wool?) + +_Shopkeeper_--"Ay, a' ae oo." (Yes, all one wool.) + +These are two who will not have much to fear on the Day of +Judgment--eh?" + +You may, perhaps, imagine that laconism could no further go. + +But you are mistaken; I have something better still to give you. + +Alfred Tennyson at one time often paid a visit to Thomas Carlyle at +Chelsea. + +On one of those occasions, these two great men, having gone to Carlyle's +library to have a quiet chat together, seated themselves one on each +side of the fireplace, and lit their pipes. + +And there for two hours they sat, plunged in profound meditation, the +silence being unbroken save for the little dry regular sound that the +lips of the smokers made as they sent puffs of smoke soaring to the +ceiling. Not one single word broke the silence. + +After two hours of this strange converse between two great souls that +understood each other without speech, Tennyson rose to take leave of his +host. Carlyle went with him to the door, and then, grasping his hand, +uttered these words: + +"Eh, Alfred, we've had a grand nicht! Come back again soon." + +If Thomas Carlyle had lived at Hamadan, he would have been worthy to +fill the first seat in the Silent Academy, the chief statute of which +was, as you may remember, worded thus: + +"The Academicians must think much, write little, and speak as seldom as +possible." + + * * * * * + +Another Scot very worthy of a place in the Silent Academy was the late +Christopher North. + +A professor of the Edinburgh University, having asked him for the hand +of his daughter Jane, Christopher North fixed a small ticket to Miss +Jane's chest, and announced his decision by thus presenting the young +lady to the professor, who read with glad eyes: + +"With the Author's compliments." + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + The traditional Hospitality of the Highlands. -- One more fond + Belief gone. -- Highland Bills. -- Donald's Two Trinities. -- + Never trust Donald on Saturdays or Mondays. -- The Game he + prefers. -- A well-informed Man. -- Ask no Questions and you + will be told no Tales. -- How Donald showed prodigious Things to + a Cockney in the Highlands. -- There is no Man so dumb as he who + will not be heard. + + +Ever since the French first heard Boļeldieu's opera, _La Dame Blanche_, +and were charmed with the chorus, "Chez les montagnards écossais +l'hospitalité se donne," the Highlander has enjoyed a tremendous +reputation for hospitality on the other side of the Channel. + +I am ready to acknowledge that the Scotch, as a nation, are most +hospitable; but do not talk to me of the hospitality of the Highlander. + +The hospitality of the mountains, like that of the valleys, is extinct +in almost every place where modern civilisation has penetrated; the real +old-fashioned article is scarcely to be found except among the savages. + +Donald has made the acquaintance of railways and mail coaches, he has +transformed his Highlands into a kind of little Switzerland; in fact, +the man is no longer recognisable. + +The Highlander of the year of grace 1887 is a wideawake dog, who lies in +wait for the innocent tourist, and knows how to tot you up a bill worthy +of a Parisian boarding-house keeper at Exhibition time. Woe to you if +you fall into his clutches; before you come out of them you will be +plucked, veritably flayed. + +The Highlander worships two trinities: the holy one on Sundays, and a +metallic one all the week. £. s. d. is the base of his language. Though +Gaelic should be the veriest Hebrew to you, you have but to learn the +meaning and pronunciation of the three magic words, and you will have no +difficulty in getting along in the Highlands. + +Every Sabbath he goes in for a thorough spiritual cleaning; therefore +trust him not on Saturday or Monday--on Saturday, because he says to +himself, "Oh! one transgression more or less whilst I am at it, what +does it matter? it is Sunday to-morrow;" on Monday, because he is all +fresh washed, and ready to begin the week worthily. + +He has a way of giving you your change which seems to say, "Is it the +full change you expect?" If you keep your hand held out, and appear to +examine what he gives you, his look says: "You are one of the wideawake +sort; we understand each other." + +Needless to say that the Highlander is glad to see the tourist, as the +hunter is glad to see game. + +Frenchmen, Germans, Russians, Englishmen, Americans, all are sure of a +welcome--he loves them all alike. + +Still, perhaps of all the foreign tourists who visit his +hunting-grounds, it is the Americans who have found the royal road to +his heart. + +"The Americans are a great people," said a Highland innkeeper to me one +day. "When you present an Englishman with his bill, he looks it over to +see that it is all right. He will often dispute and haggle. The American +is a gentleman; he would think it beneath him to descend to such +trifles. When you bring him his account, he will wave your hand away and +tell you he does not want your bill; he wants to know how much he owes +you, and that's the end of it." + +His idea of a perfect gentleman is an innocent who pays his bills +without looking at them. + +When he recognises a tourist as a compatriot, you may imagine what a wry +face he makes. + +Just as the hotel-keeper of Interlaken or Chamounix relegates all his +Swiss customers to the fifth floor rooms, so Donald gives the cold +shoulder to all the Scotch who come his way. With them he is obliged to +submit his bills to the elementary rules of arithmetic, and be careful +that two and two make only four. + + * * * * * + +It is said that of all the inhabitants of the earth, the Paris _badaud_ +is the most easy to amuse. I think, for my part, that his London +equivalent runs him very close. However this may be, the native of +London is an easy prey to the wily Scot. + +They are fond of telling, in Scotland, how friend Donald one day showed +a Cockney really prodigious things in the Isle of Arran. + +A Londoner, wishing to astonish his friends with the account of his +adventures in Scotland, resolved to make the ascent of the Goatfell +without the aid of a guide. Arrived at the foot of the mountain, he +informed the guides, who came to offer him their services, of his +intention. You may imagine if Donald, who had sniffed a good day's work, +meant to give up his bread and butter without a struggle. + +"Your project is a mad one," our tourist is told. "You will miss many +splendid points of view, and you will run a thousand risks." + +The ascension of the Goatfell is about as difficult as that of the +Monument; but our hero, who knew nothing about it, began to turn pale. + +However, he appeared determined to keep to his resolution; and Donald, +who considers he is being robbed every time anyone climbs his hills +without a guide, begins to grumble. + +Besides, when one is a Highlander, one does not give up a point so +easily as all that. Our Caledonian resorts to diplomacy. A brilliant +idea occurs to him. + +"Since you will not have a guide," says he, pretending to withdraw, +"good luck to you on your journey! Mind you don't miss the mysterious +stone." + +"What mysterious stone?" demands the Cockney. + +"Oh, on the top of the Goatfell," replies Donald, "there is a stone that +might well be called _enchanted_. When you stand upon that stone, no +sound, no matter how close or how loud, can reach your ears." + +"Really?" says the tourist, gaping. + +"A thunderstorm might burst just above your head, and you would never +hear it," added Donald, who saw that his bait was beginning to take. + +"Prodigious!" cried the Londoner. "How shall I know the stone? Do tell +me." + +"Not easily," insinuated Donald slyly; "it is scarcely known except to +guides. However, I will try to describe its position to you." + +Here the Scot entered into explanations which threw the Cockney's brain +into a complete muddle. + +"I had better take you, after all, I think," said the bewildered +tourist. "Come along." + +I need not tell you that they were soon at the wonderful stone. + +The Londoner took up his position on it, and begged the guide to stand a +few steps off and to shout at the top of his voice. + +Out Scot fell to making all sorts of contortions, placing his hands to +his mouth as if to carry the sound; but not a murmur reached the ears of +the tourist. + +"Take a rest," he said to Donald; "you will make yourself hoarse.... It +is a fact that I have not heard a sound. It is prodigious! Now you go +and stand on the stone, and I will shout." + +They changed places. + +The Cockney began to rave with all his might. + +Donald did not move a muscle. + +The dear Londoner made the hills ring with the sound of his voice, but +his guide gazed at him as calmly as Nature that surrounded them. + +"Don't you hear anything?" cried the poor tourist. + +Donald was not so silly as to fall into the trap. He feigned not to +hear, and kept up his impassive expression. + +The Cockney continued to howl. + +"Shout louder," cried Donald; "I can hear nothing." + +"It's wonderful; it is enough to take one's breath away. I never saw +anything so remarkable in my life!" + +And putting his hand in his pocket, he drew out a golden coin, and +slipped it into Donald's hand. + +This done, they left the marvel behind, and climbed to the summit of the +Goatfell, the clever guide carefully picking out all the roughest paths, +and doing his best to give his patient plenty of dangers for his money. + +That night, after having made a note of all his day's adventures, the +proud tourist added, as a future caution to his friends: + +"Be sure and take a guide for the Goatfell!" + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + Resemblance of Donald to the Norman. -- Donald marketing. -- + Bearding a Barber. -- Norman Replies. -- Cant. -- Why the Whisky + was not marked on the Hotel Bill. -- New Use for the Old and New + Testaments. -- You should love your Enemies and not swallow + them. -- A modest Wish. + + +Friend Donald resembles the Norman very closely. + +Like him, he is cunning and circumspect, with the composed exterior of +Puss taking a doze. + +We say in France, "Answering like a Norman." That means, "to give an +evasive, ambiguous answer--neither _yes_ nor _no_." + +They might say in England, "Answering like a Scot," to express the same +idea. + +Look at Donald, with the corners of his mouth drawn back, and his eyes +twinkling as he nods at you and answers _Ay_, or shakes his head as he +says _Na_, _na_; and you will be convinced that he is compromised +neither by the one nor the other. + +At market the resemblance is perfect. + +He strolls into the stall as if he did not want anything more than a +look round. He examines the goods with a most indifferent eye, turns +them over and over, and finds fault with them. He seems to say to the +stall-keeper: + +"You certainly could not have the impudence to ask a good price for such +stuff as this." + +If he buys, he pays with a protest. + +When he pockets cash, on the contrary, admire the rapidity of the +proceeding. + +I one day heard a Norman, who had just been profiting by being in town +on market-day to get shaved, say to the barber, with the most innocent +air in the world: + +"My word, I'm very sorry not to have a penny to give you, but my wife +and I have spent all our money; I have only a halfpenny left.... I will +owe you till next time." + +Compare this Norman with the hero of the following little anecdote which +the Scotch tell. + +A Scot, who sold brooms, went into a Glasgow barber's shop to get +shaved. + +The barber bought a broom of Donald, and, after having shaved him, asked +what he owed him for the broom. + +"Two pence," said Donald. + +"No, no," said the barber; "it's too dear. I will give you a penny, and +if you are not satisfied, you can take your broom again." + +Donald pocketed the penny, and asked what he had to pay for being +shaved. + +"A penny," replied the barber. + +"Na, na," said Donald; "I will give ye a bawbee, an' if ye are no +satisfied, ye can pit my beard back again." + +This is Norman to the life. + +The Scot pays when he has given his signature, or when there is no help +for it. + + * * * * * + +It has been said that the farthing was introduced to allow the Scotch to +be generous. This is calumny; for the Scot is charitable: but if +collections in Scotch churches were made in bags, there might be rather +a run on the small copper coin. + + * * * * * + +If you would see still another point of resemblance between the Scot and +the Norman, look at them as they indulge in their little pet +transgression. + +When Donald orders his glass of whisky, he is always careful to say: + +"Waiter, a _small_ whisky." + +The Irishman asks for a "strong whisky," straight out, like a man. + +Donald is modest, he asks for his _small_. That is the allowance of +sober folks, and the dear fellow is one of them. But just add up at the +end of the evening the number of _wee draps_ that he has on his +conscience, and you will find they make a very respectable total. + +Now look at the Norman taking his cups of _café tricolore_ after dinner. + +Do not imagine that he is going to take up the three bottles of brandy, +rum, and kirschwasser, and pour himself out some of their contents. No, +no; he would be too much afraid of exceeding the dose. He measures it +into his spoon, which he holds horizontally; and, to see the precautions +he takes, you would think he was a chemist preparing a doctor's +prescription. + +"A teaspoonful of each," he says to you; "that is my quantity." + +But how they brim over, those spoonfuls! When the overflow has fallen +into the cup, he shows you the full spoon, with the remark: + +"One of each kind, no more." + + * * * * * + +Scotch shrewdness expresses itself in a phraseology all its own, and of +which Donald alone possesses the secret. He handles the English +language with the talent of the most wily diplomatist. He has a happy +knack of combining irony and humour, as the following story shows: + +An English author had sent his latest production to several men of +letters, requesting them to kindly give him their opinion of his book. A +Scotchman replied: + +"Many thanks for the book which you did me the honour to send me. I will +lose no time in reading it." + +Quite a Norman response, only more delicate. + +Scotch shrewdness has occasionally a certain smack of mild hypocrisy, +which, however, does no harm to anyone. + +Here are two examples of it that rather diverted me: + +I was in the smoking-room of the Grand Hotel at Glasgow one evening. + +Near me, sitting at a little table, were two gentlemen--unmistakably +Scotch, as their accent proclaimed. + +One of them calls the waiter, and orders a glass of whisky. + +"What is the number of your room, sir?" asks the waiter, having put the +whisky and water-jug on the table. + +"No matter, waiter; don't put it on the bill. Here is the money." + +"Very clever, that Caledonian," said I to myself, as I noted the wink to +the waiter and the glance thrown to the other occupant of the table. + +True it is, _Scripta manent_! + +If his wife accidentally puts her hand on his hotel bill in the pocket +of his coat, there is no harm done--no sign of any but the most innocent +articles. + +Another time I was in a Scotchman's library. + +While waiting for my host, who was to rejoin me there, I had a look at +his books, most of which treated of theology. + +Two volumes, admirably bound, attracted my gaze. They were marked on the +back--one, _Old Testament_, the other, _New Testament_. I tried to take +down the first volume; but, to my surprise, the second moved with it. +Were the two volumes fixed together? or were they stuck by accident? Not +suspecting any mystery, I pulled hard. The Old Testament and the New +Testament were in one, and came together. The handsome binding was +nothing but the cover of a box of cigars. No more Testament than there +is on the palm of my hand: cigars--first-rate cigars--nothing but +cigars, placed there under the protection of the holy patriarchs. + +I had time to put all in place again before my host came; but I was not +at my ease. I was quite innocent, of course; but--I don't know why--when +one has discovered a secret, one feels guilty of having taken something +that belongs to another. + +At last my host entered, closed the door, and, rubbing his hands, said: + +"Now I am at your service. Excuse me for leaving you alone a few +moments. I have settled my business, and we will have a cigar together, +if you like." + +So saying, he opened the door of a small cupboard made in the wall, and +cleverly hidden by a picture of "John Knox imploring Mary Stuart to +abjure the Catholic faith." It was, as you see, rather a mysterious +library. From this cupboard he took some glasses--and something to fill +them agreeably withal. Then, without betraying the slightest +embarrassment, without a smile or a glance, he brought the twin volumes +which had so astonished me, and laid them on the table. I had the +pleasure of making closer acquaintance with the cigars, that seemed to +bring a recommendation from Moses and the prophets. + + * * * * * + +An anecdote on the ready wit of Donald: + +He meets his pastor, who remonstrates with him upon the subject of his +intemperate habits. + +"You are too fond of whisky, Donald; you ought to know very well that +whisky is your enemy." + +"But, minister, have you not often told us that we ought to love our +enemies?" says Donald, slyly. + +"Yes, Donald; but I never told you that you should swallow them," +replies the pastor, who was as witty as his parishioner. + + * * * * * + +What anecdotes I heard in Scotland on the subject of whisky, to be sure! + +Here is a good one for the last. I owe it to a learned professor of the +Aberdeen University. + +Donald feels the approach of death. + +The minister of his village is at his bedside, preparing him by pious +exhortations for the great journey. + +"Have you anything on your mind, Donald? Is there any question you would +like to ask me?" And the minister bent down to listen to the dying man's +reply. + +"Na, meenister, I'm na afeard.... I wad like to ken whether there'll be +whisky in heaven?" + +Upon his spiritual counsellor remonstrating with him upon such a thought +at such a moment, he hastened to add, with a knowing look: + +"Oh! it's no that I mind, meenister; I only thoucht I'd like to see it +on the table!" + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + Democratic Spirit in Scotland. -- One Scot as good as another. + -- Amiable Beggars. -- Familiarity of Servants. -- Shout all + together! -- A Scotchman who does not admire his Wife. -- + Donald's Pride. -- The Queen and her Scotch People. -- Little + Presents keep alive Friendship. + + +The Scotch are an essentially democratic people. I take the word in its +social, not its political, sense; although it might be asserted without +hesitation, that if ever there was a nation formed for living under a +republic, it is the Scotch--serious, calm, wise, law-abiding, and ever +ready to respect the opinions of others. Yet the Scotch are perhaps the +most devoted subjects of the English crown. + +The English and Scotch are republicans, with democratic institutions, +living under a monarchy. + +When I say that the Scotch are a democratic people, I mean that in +Scotland, still more than in England, one man is as good as another. + +The Scot does not admit the existence of demigods. In his eyes, the +robes of the priest or judge cover a man, not an oracle. + +Always ready for a bit of argument, he criticises an order, a sermon, a +verdict even. + +Religious as he is, yet he will weigh every utterance of his pastor +before accepting it. He respects the law; but if his bailie inflicts on +him a fine that he thinks unjust, he does not scruple to tell him a +piece of his mind; and if ever you wish to be told your daily duty at +home, you have but to engage a Scotch servant. + + * * * * * + +Donald knows how to accept social inferiority; he may perhaps envy his +betters, but he does not hate them. He never abdicates his manhood's +dignity: an obsequious Scotchman is unknown. + +In Scotland, even a beggar has none of those abject manners that denote +his class elsewhere. His look seems to say:-- + +"Come, my fine fellow, listen to me a minute: you have money and I have +none; you might give me a penny." + +I remember one in Edinburgh, who stopped me politely, yet without +touching his cap, and said: + +"You look as if you had had a good dinner, sir; won't you give me +something to buy a meal with?" + +I took him to a cook-shop and bought him a pork pie. + +"If you don't mind," said he, "I'll have veal." + +Why certainly! everyone to his taste, to be sure. + +I acquiesced with alacrity. He was near shaking hands with me. + +Donald is plain spoken with everyone. In Scotland, as in France, there +are still to be found old servants whose familiarity would horrify an +Englishman, but whom the _bonhomie_ of Scotch masters tolerates without +a murmur, in consideration of the fidelity and devotion of these honest +servants. + +Like every man who is conscious of his strength, the Scot is +good-humoured; he rarely loses his temper. + +The familiarity of the servant and good-humour of the master, in +Scotland, are delightfully illustrated in the two following anecdotes, +which were told me in Scotland. + +Donald is serving at table. Several guests claim his attention at once: +one wants bread, another wine, another vegetables. Donald does not know +which way to turn. Presently, losing patience, he apostrophises the +company thus: + +"That's it; cry a'together--that's the way to be served!" + + * * * * * + +A laird, in the county of Aberdeen, had a well-stocked fowl yard, but +could never get any new-laid eggs for breakfast. + +He wanted to penetrate the mystery. So he lay in ambush, and discovered +that his gardener's wife went to the hen-roost every morning, filled her +basket with the eggs, and made straight for the market to sell them. + +The first time he met his gardener, he said to him: + +"James, I like you very weel, for I think you serve me faithfully; but, +between oursels, I canna say that I hae muckle admiration for your +wife." + +"I'm no surprised at that, laird," replied James, "for I dinna muckle +admire her mysel!" + +What could the poor laird say? This fresh union of sympathies united +them only more closely. + + * * * * * + +"Proud as a Highlander" is a common saying. His gait tells you what he +is. He walks with head thrown back, and shoulders squared; his step is +firm and springy. It is a man who says to himself twenty times a day: + +"I am a Scotchman." + +Such an exalted opinion has he of his race that when Queen Victoria gave +Princess Louise to the Marquis of Lorne in marriage, the general feeling +in the Highlands was, as everybody knows, "The Queen maun be a prood +leddy the day!" + +The English were astonished at the Queen's consenting to give her +daughter to one of her subjects. They looked upon it as a _mésalliance_. +The Scotch were not far from doing the same--a Campbell marry a simple +Brunswick! + +It is in the Highlands that this national pride is preserved intact. +Mountainous countries always keep their characteristics longer than +others. + +Everyone knows that the Queen of England passes a great part of the +year in her Castle of Balmoral, in the heart of the Highlands, among her +worthy Scotch people, whom she appears to prefer to all her other +subjects. She visits the humblest cottages, and sends delicacies to the +sick and aged. + +The good folk do not accept the bounty of their Queen without making her +a return for it in kind. Yes--in kind. The women knit her a pair of +stockings or a shawl, and the Queen delights them by accepting their +presents. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + Scottish Perseverance. -- Thomas Carlyle, David Livingstone, and + General Gordon. -- Literary Exploits of a Scotchman. -- Scottish + Students. -- All the Students study. -- A useful Library. -- A + Family of three. -- Coming, sir, coming! -- Killed in Action. -- + Scotchmen at Oxford. -- Balliol College. + + +It is not in business alone that the Scotchman shows that obstinate +perseverance which so characterises his nation. Thomas Carlyle would +have passed a whole year searching out the exact date of the most +insignificant incident. That is why his _Frederick the Great_ is the +finest historical monument of the century. + +It is this same Scotch perseverance which makes Watts, Livingstones, and +Gordons. Never were there brighter illustrations of what can be done by +power of mind united to power of endurance. + +I have seen them at work, those resolute, indomitable Scots. I have +known some whose performances were nothing short of feats of valour. + +Here is one that I have fresh in my memory. + +A young Scotchman, on leaving Oxford, had been appointed master in one +of the great public schools of England. He began with the elementary +classes. At that time he intended to devote himself to the study of +science. + +He told the head master of his intention, and asked his advice. + +"If I were you," said the head master, "I would do nothing of the kind. +I feel sure you have very special aptitude for Greek, and that if you +will but direct your attention to that, you have a brilliant future +before you. Let me trace you out a programme?" + +This programme was enough to frighten the most enterprising of men. A +Scotchman alone could undertake to carry it out. + +Our young master accepted the task. + +He took an apartment in the Temple, turned his back on his friends, and +became an inaccessible hermit. + +For three years he lived only for his books, consecrating to them that +which, at his age, is generally consecrated to pleasure and comfort. + +Nothing could turn him from the end he had in view. + +One after another he read all the Greek authors. Nothing that had been +written by poet, philosopher, historian, or grammarian, escaped him. + +At the end of three years, he reappeared, wasted by the vigils and +privations of this life of study; but the last touches had been put to +the manuscript of a book, which, when it appeared three months later, +was pronounced a masterpiece of scholarship, and made quite a revolution +in the Greek world. + +To-day this young Scotchman is one of the brightest lights in the higher +walks of literature in Great Britain. + + * * * * * + +The students of the great Universities of Scotland offer, perhaps, the +most striking proofs of perseverance to be found. + +At Oxford and Cambridge, you find all sorts of students, especially +students who do not study. + +In Scotland, all students study. + +To be able to have the luxury of studying, or rather "residing" (such is +the less pretentious name in use), at Oxford or Cambridge, you must be +well-to-do. + +In Scotland, as in Germany, Greece, Switzerland, and America, the +poorest young men may aspire to university honours; but often at the +cost of what privations! + +Here are a few incidents of students' life in Scotland. They struck me +as being very interesting, very touching. I borrow them, for the most +part, from a writer who published them in a Scotch _Review_ during my +stay in Edinburgh. + +He mentions one young man, of fine manners and aristocratic appearance, +who dined but three times a week, and then upon a hot two-penny pie. On +the other days he lived on dry bread. + +Another had an ingenious way of turning his scanty resources to account. +Spreading out his books where the hearthrug would naturally have been, +he would lie there, learning his task by the light of a fire, made from +the roots of decayed trees, which he had dug in a wood near Edinburgh, +and carried to his lodgings. + +Three Scotchmen, now occupying high positions, shared a room containing +one bed; and for a year at least, while attending Aberdeen University, +they had no other lodging. The bed was a very narrow one, and quite +incapable of holding two persons at once; so two worked while the other +slept, and when they went to bed, he rose. + +Two other students excited a great deal of curiosity for some time. One +carried his books before him just as if they had been a tray, while he +glided noiselessly to his place. This mystery was explained when it was +learned that he had been a hotel waiter. During the winter he pursued +his studies; and when summer returned, it found him, with serviette +across his arm, earning the necessary fees for his next winter's course +of study. + +He never could quite throw off the waiter. If a professor called his +name suddenly, he would start up and answer, "Coming, sir--coming!" + +The other was more mysterious still. As soon as recitation was over, he +would start away from the class-room and make for the environs of the +town as fast as he could run. It was at last discovered that he kept a +little book shop at some distance from the University, and, being too +poor to hire an assistant, had to close his door to customers while he +went to recite his lessons. + +Professor Blackie tells of one young student, who lived for a whole +session on red herrings and a barrel of potatoes, sent him from home. +The poor fellow's health so gave way under this meagre diet, that he +died before his course of study was finished. + +The learned Professor mentions also another very touching case of a +young student who fell a victim to his thirst for knowledge. The poor +fellow had so weakened his stomach by privation, that he died from +eating a good meal given him by a kind friend. + +I said just now that little work was done at the University of Oxford. +Exception must, however, be made in the case of the famous Balliol +College. + +But whom do we find there? + +This college is full of Scotch students, who succeed in keeping +themselves at Oxford, thanks to their frugality and industry. It is not +unfrequent to find them giving lessons to the undergraduates of other +colleges! + +And what lessons the Scotch can give the English! + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + Good old Times. -- A Trick. -- Untying Cravats. -- Bible and + Whisky. -- Evenings in Scotland. -- The Dining-room. -- Scots of + the Old School. -- Departure of the Whisky and Arrival of the + Bible. -- The Nightcap in Scotland. -- Five hours' Rest. -- The + Gong and its Effects. -- Fresh as Larks. -- Iron Stomachs. + + +Scotchmen still drink hard; but where are the joyous days when the +Scotch host broke the glasses off at the stem, so that his guests should +drink nothing but bumpers? + +Scotchmen still drink hard; but where are the good old times, when it +was thought a slight to your host to go to bed without the help of a +couple of servants? + +Scotchmen still drink hard; but where is the time when people +recommended a _protégé_, who was a candidate for a vacant post, by +adding at the foot of his petition, "He is a trustworthy man--capable, +hard-working, and a fine drinker"? + +Lord Cockburn, who was a sober man, mentions how he was once dining in a +friend's house, and towards the end of the dinner was surprised to see +the number of guests around the table diminishing, although no one had +left the room. He set himself to solve the mystery, and soon discovered +that they had rolled under the table, one after the other. A bright idea +occurred to him. There was a bit of ground free near his feet; he would +secure it, and escape from the drink without drawing down on himself the +displeasure of his host. + +Feigning to be helplessly drunk, he slid under the table. + +Scarcely had he taken his place among the victims of this Scot's +hospitality, when he felt a pair of hands at his throat. + +"What is it?" asked he, alarmed. + +"All right, sir," said a voice at his ear; "I am the boy as looses the +cravats!" + +He submitted to the treatment, and then lay patiently waiting till the +servants came and carried him to bed. + +Scotchmen still drink hard; but where is the time when, about eleven in +the evening, the ladies of the house withdrew to their rooms and locked +themselves in, to escape from the drunken humours of the men who, the +next morning, would treat them with all the respect due to their sex? + +Yes, Scotchmen still drink hard; and if they only consecrated to Venus +half--nay, one tenth--of the time that they consecrate to Bacchus, +Scotchwomen would be the most envied women in the world. + +Donald is theological in his cups: that is to say, the Bible, which +every true Scot is full of, comes up as the whisky goes down; so that +when the said whisky has floated the Bible, the Scotchman begins to +discuss the most subtle biblical questions. + + * * * * * + +This is how the evening is passed in Scotland. + +Dinner is served about seven. After dessert, the ladies retire to the +drawing-room while the gentlemen finish their wine, smoke, and take +coffee. This done, they join the ladies in the drawing-room, where tea +is served, and an hour or so passed in conversation and music. At +eleven, the gentlemen return to the dining-room or go to the library. +Whisky and cigars are brought, and the fźte begins. Several times, when +the master of the house beckoned to me to follow him from the +drawing-room, I tried to make him understand that I was very contented +in the company of the ladies; but it was useless. He would generally +take my arm and say: + +"Come along!" + +As who should say: + +"Enough of that; you are a man, are you not? Come and pass the evening +in manly fashion." + +There was nothing to do but follow. + +I pleaded all kinds of excuses to avoid this part of the entertainment. + +"The doctor has forbidden me to drink," I mildly suggested once or +twice, "or I should be very happy, I assure you." + +Occasionally I tried to bring to bear more serious reasons--business +reasons--such as: + +"Excuse me, I have to lecture almost every day, and I am a little afraid +for my voice." + +Much use this! Such an excuse came near rendering me ridiculous in the +eyes of those lusty Scots. They were ready to exclaim, + +"What milksops those Frenchmen are!" + +For the honour of the French flag, I would mix myself a glass of toddy; +and by just taking a sip every quarter of an hour, make it last out the +sitting, which seldom ended before two in the morning. + +By a little after midnight, the tongues seem to tire, and conversation +flags. At regular intervals come the solemn puff, puff, puff, from the +smokers' lips, and the long spiral columns of smoke float noiselessly +upwards. The faces grow long and solemn to match: it is the Bible rising +to the surface. Soon it floats--as I explained just now--and +conversation starts again on theology. Each has his own manner of +interpreting the Scriptures, and burns to explain it to his neighbour. +Then follow the subtlest arguments, the most interminable discussions. I +listen. If I have not many talents, I have at least one--that of being +able to hold my tongue in English, Scotch, and all imaginable languages. + +The whisky continues to pass from the bottle to the glasses, and from +the glasses to the throats of the company. The Bible comes up faster +than ever. When the guests are well emptied of theology, everyone takes +his nightcap--the signal for breaking up. The nightcap is generally the +little whisky left in the decanter; to do it honour, it is taken neat. +All get up, shake hands, and say Good-night. As you leave your host, you +ask him at what time breakfast is served, and he replies: + +"At eight." + +At eight! Can he mean it? Deducting the necessary time for undressing, +and for getting through your morning toilet, there remain scarcely five +hours for sleep. The thought that you must make haste and get to sleep, +in order to have a chance of being able to wake between seven and +half-past, is just enough to prevent you from closing your eyes for the +night. Thank goodness, your host, in his solicitude, has foreseen the +difficulty. At seven o'clock, a horrible din makes you start up in bed +and tremble from head to foot. It is a servant sounding the gong--a sort +of tam-tam of Chinese invention--which fills the house with a noise fit +to make you reproduce all the contortions that manufacturers of +porcelain attribute to the Celestials. You rise, and dress as fast as +you can. Your features look drawn; your head feels upside down; your +eyes seem coming out of your head; you have the hairache: but you +console yourself with the thought of the others. What will they be +like? What a figure they will cut at table! + +You were never more mistaken. In they come, the lusty rascals, looking +as bright as the lark. Nothing on their faces betray the libations of +over night, or the scanty measure of sleep they have been able to get. + +"What an iron race, these Scots!" I have often exclaimed to myself. "Who +could hope to compete with them?" + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + Religion and Churches in Scotland. -- Why Scotch Bishops cut a + poor Figure. -- Companies for insuring against the Accidents of + the Life to come. -- Religious Lecture-Rooms. -- No one can + serve two Masters. -- How the Gospel Camel was able to pass + through the Eye of a Needle. -- Incense and Common Sense. -- + I understand, therefore I believe. -- Conversions at Home. -- + Conversions in open Air. -- A modest Preacher. -- A well-filled + Week. -- Touching Piety. -- Donald recommends John Bull and + Paddy to the Lord. + + +Great Britain boasts two State Churches: the Anglican, or Episcopal, +Church in England and Wales, and the Presbyterian Church in Scotland. + +The Presbyterian Church is not under the jurisdiction of a bishop, but +of a General Assembly, composed of lay and ecclesiastical deputies +elected by the towns and universities, and presided over by a +Moderator, elected by the Assembly, and a Lord High Commissioner, +appointed every year by the Queen, and requited for this arduous task +with two thousand pounds. + +The Scotch Presbyterian Church was established in 1560; but the Stuarts +re-established the Episcopalian Church in 1662. The Revolution of 1688, +followed by the accession of the Prince of Orange to the throne of +England, made Presbyterianism flourish again, and its ministers still +receive emoluments from the State. + +The Episcopalian Church still exists in Scotland, governed by seven +bishops; but, by the irony of fate, she has become, as it were, a sort +of dissenting Church. + +Scotland has many Catholics. Two archbishops and four bishops watch over +the spiritual health of this flock. + +In 1843, many Scotchmen, having discovered that it was contrary to +Scripture to have ministers appointed by the State, founded the Free +Church, which at the present time rivals the Presbyterian in importance. + +The religious zeal of the Scotch may be judged from the fact that, in +the year of the separation, a sum of nearly £400,000 was contributed by +the faithful desirous of founding a Free Church. This Church has eleven +hundred pastors, receiving salaries of about £200 a year. Not less than +£560,000 were sent, in 1882, to the Chief Moderator, to help meet the +expenses of this free faith. + +Such are the large centres of religious activity. Besides these, there +are, as in England, nearly two hundred dissenting sects. + +You may imagine whether the Devil has a hard time of it in Scotland. + +All these spiritual insurance companies live in perfect harmony, and are +flourishing. + +It is only the Scotch bishops who cut a rather pitiable figure. To be a +lord bishop, and not to be able to lord it a little, is hard. When I was +in the North of Scotland, I saw one arrive at Buckie station, on his way +to inspect the church of the town. The clergyman had come to meet him. +They took the road to the vicarage, _pedibus cum jambis_, and my lord +bishop's gaiters attracted no more attention from the good Buckie folk +than did the ulster of your humble servant. + + * * * * * + +In Catholic countries, where religion exacts a life of sacrifice and +abnegation from its ministers, the priesthood is a vocation. In +Protestant countries, where religion imposes but few restrictions on +those who serve about the altar, the Church is a profession. + + * * * * * + +Scotch places of worship are much alike inside and out. Outside, the +roofs are more or less pointed; inside, the singing is more or less out +of tune. + +Let us go into the first we come to. + +Four whitewashed walls, with a ceiling to match, or a roof supported by +bare rafters; no pictures, no statues; just straight-backed benches, and +a high desk or pulpit: it is a lecture-room. Not a single outer sign of +fervour: no kneeling, no clasped hands, or other sign of supplication. +The faces are cross-looking and forbidding, or else apathetic. + +It is curious to reflect that these unmoved faces belong to people who +would die to defend their liberty of conscience. + +Drawling hymns, psalms and canticles sung in the twelve different +semi-tones of the chromatic scale; sermons full of theological +subtleties, objections raised and explained away. + +The preacher does not seek to appeal to the soul by eloquence, to the +heart by tenderness and grace, or to the taste by style. He addresses +himself to the reason alone. + +Some preachers read their sermons, some recite them, others give them +_ex tempore_. These latter are the most interesting. + +Here and there I heard sermons that were enough to send one to sleep on +one's feet; you can imagine the effect upon an audience who had to hear +them in a sitting posture. But Scotland has not the monopoly of this +kind of eloquence; from time immemorial it has been the custom of a +certain proportion of church-goers to shut their eyes to listen to the +sermon. + +Religion is still sterner in Scotland than in England. It is arid, like +the soil of the country; angular, like the bodies of the inhabitants; +thorny, like the national emblem of Scotland. + +One Sunday I went to a church in Glasgow. The preacher chose for his +text the passage from St. Matthew's Gospel commencing with "No man can +serve two masters," and ending "Ye cannot serve God and Mammon." + +About three thousand worshippers, careworn and devoured by the thirst +for lucre, listened unmoved to the diatribes of the worthy pastor, and +were preparing, by a day of rest, for the headlong race after wealth +that they were going to resume on the morrow. + +What a never-ending theme is the contempt for riches! What sermons in +the desert, preached by bishops with princely pay, or poor curates who +treat fortune as Master Reynard treated certain grapes that hung out of +reach. + +I was never more edified than on that Sunday in Glasgow, especially when +the assembly struck up-- + + "O Paradise, O Paradise! + 'Tis weary waiting here; + I long to be where Jesus is, + To feel, to see him near. + O Paradise, O Paradise! + I greatly long to see + The special place my dearest Lord + In love prepares for me!" + +"Ah! my dear Caledonians," thought I, seeing them in such a hurry, "it +is better to suffer, even in Glasgow, than to die!" + + _Mieux vaut souffrir que mourir + C'est la devise des hommes._ + +By the bye, dear reader, how do you like the expression _special place_? +Did I exaggerate when I told you the Scotch expect to find places +specially reserved for them in Heaven? + + * * * * * + +This is how I learned by experience never to enter into theological +discussions with the Scotch. + +I had been to morning service in an Edinburgh church with a Scotchman, +and there again had heard a sermon on the worthlessness of riches. The +minister had preached from the text, "And again I say unto you: it is +easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man +to enter into the kingdom of Heaven." + +In my innocence, or rather in my ignorance, I had always seen in these +words of our Lord a condemnation of riches--a condemnation without +appeal, and looked upon the man who sought to be rich, and the man who +did not scatter his wealth, as persons who willingly forfeited all +chance of entering Heaven. + +On leaving the church, my companion and I began to talk of the sermon. +The Scotch discuss a sermon on their way home from church, as we French +people discuss the merits of a new play that we have just seen at the +theatre. As we went along, I communicated my views to my friend. He +turned on me a glance full of compassion. + +"It is easy to see, my dear sir," he said, "that you have been brought +up in a religion that does not encourage discussion. The result is that +you swallow without resistance theories which would make our children +start with indignation. If Christ's phrase could be interpreted in your +fashion, it would be neither more nor less than an absurdity. He meant +to say that it was more difficult for a rich man than a poor one to be +saved, but not that it was impossible." + +"But," I began, "it is impossible for a camel to go through the eye of a +needle." + +Here my companion's smile became more sarcastic. I foresaw that his +explanation was going to stagger me, and so it did. + +"You seem to be in earnest," said he; "let me enlighten you. There +existed at Jerusalem, in our Saviour's time, a gateway called the +_Needle's Eye_. Although one of the principal entrances to the city, +this gateway was so narrow that a camel could only get through it with +difficulty. So Christ meant to say----" + +"Enough," I cried, "my ignorance is terrible. I never felt it so much as +at this moment." + +"You see," he added in a rather bantering tone, "in Scotch churches +there is no incense ... but there is common sense." + +Nothing mystic in the religion of the Scotch. The Old and New Testaments +are submitted to the finest sifting. Every passage is explained. They +are served up as an intellectual food. + +Here people do not see because they believe; they believe because they +see. Faith is based upon reason. + +It is easy to understand why the Scotchman, still more than the +Englishman, is common sense personified. + +You will see young fellows, scarcely come to manhood, meet together, and +discuss the most subtle questions of theology with all the earnestness +of doctors of divinity. + +It is a powerful school. Reason ripens in the open air of discussion. + + * * * * * + +Very practical this religion of the Scotch! + +I extract the following passage from the letter of a young Scotchman, +magistrate in India:-- + +"Time passes tolerably here. For that matter, we are too busy to be much +bored. Week follows week, and each is rather like the one that went +before; but all are well filled up. Last Monday, I condemned an Indian +to six months' imprisonment and held three inquests. On Tuesday, I +presided at a meeting called for the purpose of hearing the report of +the Zanana Missions. On Wednesday, I went to races and won £25. Everyone +had bet on Mignonne, who was backed at two to one; but seeing that the +ground was damp and slippery, I chose Phoebus, a heavier horse, backed +at ten to one. I was lucky in my choice. On Thursday, after the work of +the day, I went to see the Nautch girls dance. It is a little _risqué_; +but I have often heard you say that a man should see everything, so as +to be able to judge between good and evil. There was a regatta on +Friday. I went in for one race, but only came in second. On Saturday, I +had to make out over a hundred summonses, and try several petty +offences. An uninteresting day. It is with a feeling of apprehension +that I always await Saturday. I have one more examination to pass before +I can sentence the natives to more than one year's imprisonment, and two +before I can send them to the gibbet. On Sunday, I read the lessons in +church. In the afternoon I addressed a congregation out of doors. They +seemed greatly impressed, and I count on several conversions." + +You must admit that this was a well-filled week. I thought the mixture +of sacred and profane quite delicious. + + * * * * * + +In Scotland, as in England, open-air services are very common. They are +conducted by good folks, not over afflicted with modesty, who believe +that they were chosen by Heaven to go and convert their fellow +creatures--would-be St. Paul's, operating in the Athens of the North, +and elsewhere. + +Following the advice of Horace, these apostles plunge straight into +their subject. They will attack you with the question, whether you are +not too fond of the things of this world? or else, whether you have made +your peace with God? + +The utter conceit of these amateur clergy is matchless. They are either +hypocrites of the worst stamp, or fanatics of the first water, "airing +their self-righteousness at the corners of the streets." The monotony of +their tunes, the commonplaces of their would-be sermons, their long +visages, and their grimaces as they pray--all this is the reverse of +attractive. + +I prefer the soldiers of the Salvation Army. They are rough, but they do +not banish cheerfulness from their services. They are lively, and break +the awful silence of the British Sabbath. Their services at first struck +everyone as blasphemous; but one gets used to everything in this +country. + +I must not pass over the open-air orator, who, to excuse his faults of +grammar, said to his hearers, of whom I was one: "My dear friends, I +have had no education, and I know very well I am not a gentleman; but +that does not prevent me from accepting the mission that I have received +from Heaven to come and preach the Gospel to you. Jesus Christ was not a +gentleman--He was a carpenter. The Apostles were not gentlemen +either--they were fishermen." + +Modest, is it not? + +There are Scots so sure of their salvation that they pray but to thank +God that they are not as other men are. These Christians, whom Burns has +named the _unco' guid_, are charitable: they pray for their neighbours. +There are, on the west of Scotland, two small islands inhabited by a +race whose piety is really touching. Every Sunday, in their churches, +they commend to God's care the poor inhabitants of the adjacent islands +of England, Scotland, and Ireland! + +They have their own future safety assured, and, in their charity, think +of their neighbours. + +Donald presenting Paddy and John Bull to the Lord! The scene is as +touching as it is amusing. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + Donald's Relations with the Divinity. -- Prayers and Sermons. -- + Signification of the Word "Receptivity." -- Requests and + Thanksgivings. -- "Repose in Peace." -- "Thou Excelledst them + all." -- Explanation of Miracles. -- Pulpit Advertisements. -- + Pictures of the Last Judgment. -- One of the Elect Belated. -- + An Urchin Preacher. -- A Considerate Beggar. + + +Donald is still more religious than John Bull--that is to say, he is +still more theological and church-going; but the fashion in which he +keeps up relations with the Divinity is very different. + +The Englishman entertains the Jewish notion of God--a Deity terrible +and avenging, whose very name strikes awe, and is not to be lightly +pronounced without drawing down celestial vengeance. + +The Scot has a way of treating his Creator very much as if He were the +next-door neighbour. He tells Him all his little needs, and will go so +far as to gently reproach Him if they are not supplied. + +If he has dined well, he is lavish in returning thanks to the Lord for +His infinite favours; his gratitude is boundless. If he has had a meagre +repast, he thanks Him for the least of His mercies. The thanks are not +omitted, but at the same time Donald gives the Lord to understand that +he has made a poor dinner. + +The following anecdote was told me in Scotland. The first part of it is +given by Dr. Ramsay in his _Reminiscences_, I find. As to the second, I +leave the responsibility of it to my host who related the story to me. +_Se non e vera, e ben trovata._ + +A Presbyterian minister had just cut his hay, and the weather not being +very propitious for making it, he knelt near his open window and +addressed to Heaven the following prayer: + +"O Lord, send us wind for the hay; no a rantin', tantin', tearin' wind, +but a noughin', soughin', winnin' wind...." + +His prayer was here interrupted by a puff of wind that made the panes +rattle, and scattered in all directions the papers lying on his table. + +The minister straightway got up and closed his window, exclaiming: + +"Now, Lord, that's ridik'lous!" + +If this ending of the anecdote is not authentic, I feel quite sure that +none but a Scotchman could have invented it. + +Donald's prayers are sermons, just as the sermons of his ministers are +prayers. + +In these daily litanies the Scotchman enters into the most trifling +details with careful forethought: the list of favours he has received, +and for which he has to return thanks; the list of the blessings he +wishes for, and will certainly receive, for God cannot refuse him +anything,--all this is present to his prodigious memory. He dots his +i's, as we say in France; and if by chance he should happen to employ a +rather far-fetched expression, he explains it to the Lord, so that there +shall be no danger of misunderstanding, no pretext for not according him +what he asks for--he corners Him. + +Thus I was one day present at evening prayers in a Scotch family, and +heard the master of the house, among a thousand other supplications, +make the following: + +"O Lord, give us receptivity; that is to say, O Lord, the power of +receiving impressions." + +The entire Scotch character is there. + +What forethought! what cleverness! what a business-like talent! To +explain to God the signification of the far-fetched word _receptivity_, +so that He should not be able to say: "There is a worthy Scotchman who +uses outlandish words; I do not know what it is he wants." + +Would not one think that this excellent Caledonian imagined that God had +been made in his image? + + * * * * * + +As gratitude is pretty generally everywhere--but especially in Great +Britain--a sense of favours to come, this same Scot, before making known +to the Lord the blessings which he expected from Him, had been careful +to thank Him for past favours. Here, too, he had been sublime. Judge for +yourself. + +With the lady who was his third wife in the room, he thus expressed +himself: + +"Lord, I thank Thee for the pleasure and the comfort that I derived from +the company of Jane" (his first wife); "I thank Thee also for the +pleasure and comfort that I derived from the company of Mary" (his +second wife). + +The third wife was there, at the other end of the table, silent and +solemn, apparently plunged in profound meditation, and thanking Heaven +for the pleasure and comfort that the society of Jane and Mary had given +her husband. + +When would her turn come to play her part in these thanksgivings? + +Her husband is but sixty-five, and I can assure you has no idea of going +yet. + +Another episode of the same kind came under my notice in a Catholic +family; but in this case the same Scotch characteristic showed itself +under a different form--a form suggested by belief in purgatory. + +Here, too, the master of the house was a widower remarried, but who had +only got as far as his second wife. Before this dutiful lady and the +rest of his family, which was composed of several big sons and three +grown-up daughters, he prayed for the repose of the soul of his first +wife, reminding the Lord, in case He should have forgotten it, what an +angel on earth this incomparable spouse had been. + +"Remember, O Lord," he cried, "how discreet, faithful, wise, careful, +and obedient she was!" + +This prayer, in my opinion, was meant to serve two ends, for the +Scotchman never loses sight of the practical side of things. While it +solicited the admission of the first wife into Paradise, it reminded the +second of her duty towards her husband and the virtues he expected of +her. + +Upstairs I saw that which confirmed me in my little theory. + +In the bedroom I occupied hung a portrait of Mrs. X. (No. 1). Underneath +the portrait a card, illuminated with a garland of roses and foliage, +and bearing the inscription "Rest in Peace," announced to the stranger +that the original was no longer of this world. + +One evening, on opening a drawer of the dressing-table, I beheld a card +exactly similar to that underneath the portrait, but with the +inscription: + + "Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excelledst them + all." + +There it was, all ready to replace the other card, should Mrs. X. (No. +2) cease to be "discreet, wise, careful, and obedient." I wonder if it +has seen the light yet! + + * * * * * + +No liturgy, no formulas for Donald, when he prays. He will not be +dictated to as to what he shall say. He knows his own wants, and +communicates them to his Maker without reserve or restraint. + +The Scotch tell of a Presbyterian minister, of the time of George III., +who used to officiate in a church in Edinburgh, and prayed for the Town +Council thus: + +"O Lord, have mercy on all fools and idiots, and the members of the Town +Council of Edinburgh." + +What a pity that in Paris churches it is not possible to put up a +similar petition! + +Here is a prayer of an old farmer who lived in the North of Scotland, +and was well known for his long and forcible addresses to Heaven. + +"We thank Thee, Lord, for Thy great goodness to Meg, and that it ever +cam into thy heid to tak' ony thocht o' sic a useless baw-waw as her. +For Thy mercy's sake, and for the sake o' Thy poor sinfu' servants that +are now addressin' Thee in their ain shilly-shally way, hae mercy on +Rob. Ye ken yersel' he is a wild, mischievous callant, and thinks nae +mair o' committing sin than a dog does o' lickin' a dish; but put Thy +hook in his nose, an' Thy bridle in his gab, an' gar him come back to +Thee with a jerk that he'll ne'er forget the langest day he has to +leeve. + +"We're a' like hawks, we're a' like snails, we're a' like sloggie +riddles: like hawks to do evil, like snails to do guid, and like sloggie +riddles that let through a' the guid and keep a' the bad. + +"Bring doon the tyrant and his lang neb, for he has done muckle ill the +year; gie him a cup o' Thy wraith, an' 'gin he winna tak that, gie him +_kelty_" (two cups, a double dose). + +The finest and most characteristic prayer that it has been my good luck +to come across is the following, which I have kept for a _bonne bouche_. +The good folks of Dumbarton used it in the year 1804, when the +inhabitants of Scotland firmly believed that Napoleon had resolved to +invade Great Britain: + +"Lord, bless this house and a' that's in this house, and a' within twa +miles ilka side this house. O bless the coo and the meal and the +kail-yard and the muckle toun o' Dumbarton. + +"O Lord, preserve us frae a' witches and warlocks, and a' lang nebbet +beasties that gang through the heather. + +"O build a strong dyke between us and the muckle French. Put a pair o' +branks about the neck of the French Emperor; gie me the helter in my ain +hand, that I may lead him about when I like: for Thy name's sake. Amen." + + * * * * * + +To this day you will hear, in any country church in Scotland, these +interminable litanies. It is the minister's work to watch over the +interests of his flock; he knows their wants and their wishes, and he +expresses them in his prayers. That does not prevent Donald from going +through the same process again at home; it is always well to know how to +conduct one's own affairs. + +Every Scot is a born preacher. Even his conversation has a certain smack +of the pulpit. By dint of preaching and listening to preachers, his +conversation gets a sermonising turn. + + * * * * * + +That familiarity with which Donald keeps up his relations with his +Maker--a familiarity which comes from the good-humoured frankness of the +Scotch character--shows itself above all in the ministers of the various +religious sects of the country. + +Thus a pastor of the Free Church, wishing to explain how Jesus had +performed a miracle in walking across the waves to join His disciples, +hit upon this forcible way of bringing it home to his hearers: + +"My dear brethren, to walk on the sea is a very wonderful thing: you +would find it just as difficult as to walk across this ceiling with your +head downwards." + +Another, wishing to illustrate how God is everywhere and sees +everything, told his congregation: + +"The Lord is like a moose in a dry stane dyke, aye keekin' out at us +frae holes and crannies, and we canna see Him." + + * * * * * + +The Scotch preachers of the old school knew how to recommend their +parishioners to the care of Heaven--and occasionally to the shop of a +friend. + +A Scotchman told me that he remembered to have heard, when a boy, a Free +Church minister thus express himself in the pulpit: + +"Lord, protect us from the cholera, at this time making such terrible +ravages in Glasgow; endow the doctors of this town with wisdom; give +them also health, especially to James Macpherson, who is getting old and +cannot afford to pay a substitute. And you, my dear friends, be prudent: +keep yourselves warm, that is the essential thing; wear flannel +clothing. If you have none at home, lose no time in going to Donald +Anderson. He has just received from London a large stock of the best +flannels, which he is selling very cheap. I bought some of him at a +shilling a yard, and I am perfectly satisfied with it. Donald Anderson +lives at 22 Lanark Street; don't go elsewhere." + +If the Englishman has, as I said elsewhere, knocked down to himself the +kingdom of Heaven, which he looks upon as a British possession, the +Scotchman has discerned to himself all the best places therein. + +A few months ago an amiable Scotchman offered me his hospitality in the +environs of Edinburgh. On entering my bedroom, I saw a picture of the +Last Judgment. It quite took my breath away, the sight of that picture. +And no wonder! At God's right hand came--first, John Knox; next, Robert +Burns and Sir Walter Scott; then an immense crowd of good folk, who, if +they had been in complete attire, would have had kilts and plaids; and +then next, but at some distance, John Wesley and a number of other +well-known English divines; and beyond them--no one. But that is not +all. On the left hand were a good sprinkling of popes, among people of +all sorts and conditions, but all foreigners. + +I called my host quickly. + +"Well," I said, "what have you been up to in this country? What! Without +giving anybody warning, without a 'by your leave,' you install +yourselves in the best seats to the exclusion of the poor outside world! +My dear sir, it looks to me as if, when all your Britannic subjects are +supplied with places, there will be room for no one else." + +It was enough to make a Frenchman cry, "Stop thief!" + +I was fain to console myself, however, with the thought that in France +we can draw pictures of the Last Judgment too, but with a decided +improvement on this arrangement of figures. To look for John Knox in +ours would be sheer waste of time. + +As to Robert Burns, who certainly was no saint, far from it, I do not +remember to have seen him, but I guarantee that he is to be found in the +midst of the angels, beside Beethoven, Shakespeare, Raphael, Victor +Hugo, and kindred spirits. + + * * * * * + +The following anecdote, told me in Scotland, will perhaps tend to prove +that even the libations of overnight do not hinder a true-born Scot from +believing himself in Paradise the following morning. + +Donald had imbibed whisky freely in the house of a friend, and towards +two in the morning set out for home, describing wonderful zigzags as he +went. + +It suddenly occurred to him, in one of those lucid moments which the +tipsiest man will occasionally have, that the cemetery of Kirkcaldy +formed a short cut to his house. He steered for the place, but had not +gone far when an open grave arrested his progress. He tried to jump, his +foot caught, he slipped, and the next moment was lying full length in +the improvised bed. Here he soon fell fast asleep. About six in the +morning the Kirkcaldy coach came speeding past, the coachman making the +air ring with a shrill trumpet blast. Donald awakes, rubs his eyes, and, +taking it to be the Last Trump calling the elect from their tombs, +arises awe-stricken. He looks around him. No one; not a soul! + +"Weel, weel," cries Donald; "weel, weel, this is a fery puir show for +Kirkcaldy!!!" + + * * * * * + +The French beggar accosts one with a "God bless you." If he is blind, he +plays the flute. The Scotch beggar's stock-in-trade is generally a +Bible. For a penny he will recite you a chapter; Old and New Testament +are equally familiar to him. If he is blind, he does the same as his +English _confrčre_: he reads aloud from a Bible printed in raised +characters. + +Those who can get enough to invest in an organ or a _discordeon_ abandon +the Bible business, which is not lucrative. Besides, turning the handle +is easy work; whereas learning the Bible by heart demands study. + + * * * * * + +The beggar reciting the Bible to fill his pocket is very well; but he +does not come up to the preaching street arab. + +A learned professor at the University of Aberdeen told me, last +February, that he was one day accosted by a beggar-boy of about ten, who +asked him for a penny. + +"A penny! What are you going to do to earn it?" asked the professor. + +"Shall I sing?" replied the boy. + +"No." + +"Shall I dance?" + +"No." + +"Shall I preach?" + +The professor pulled out his penny without "asking for further change." + + * * * * * + +I cannot take leave of performing beggars without relating a little +incident that I was a witness of in Edinburgh: + +A beggar came up to me, asking for alms. + +"You have a violin there," I said to him; "but you do not play it. How +is that?" + +"Oh, sir!" he replied; "give me a penny, and don't make me play. I +assure you you won't regret it." + +I understood his delicacy, and to show him that I appreciated it +launched out my penny. + +"But," I added, "do you never use your violin?" + +"Yes, sir, sometimes," he said, lowering his voice, "as a threat." + +I lost my penny, but saved my ears. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + The Scotch Sabbath. -- The Saviour in the Cornfield. -- A good + Advertisement. -- Difference between the Inside and the Outside + of a Tramcar. -- How useful it is to be able to speak Scotch in + Scotland. -- Sermon and Lesson on Balistics at Edinburgh. -- If + you do Evil on the Sabbath, do it well. + + +The Lord's day is not called Sunday in Scotland, but the Sabbath, which +is more biblical. + +The Scotch Sabbath beats the English Sunday into fits. + +I thought, in my innocence, that the English Sunday was not to be +matched. + +Delusion on my part. + +How hope to give a description of the Scotch Sabbath? It is an +undertaking that might frighten a far more clever pen than mine. + +Happily, in this also, the Scotch anecdote comes to my rescue. + +Here is one, to begin with, which will show once more how difficult it +is to trip up a Scotchman. Nothing is sacred for him when he wants to +get himself out of a difficulty. + +A Free Kirk minister met a member of his congregation, and thus +addressed her: + +"Mary, I am glad to have met you; for I have something on my mind that +I have been anxious to speak to you of for a long while. I have +heard--but it surely cannot be--I have heard that you sometimes go for a +walk on the blessed Sabbath." + +"Ay, meenister, it is quite true; but I read in the Bible that Our Lord +walked through the cornfields on the Sabbath day." + +"I do not deny it," replied the good man, a little disconcerted; "but," +he added, recovering his self-possession, "let me tell you that if the +Saviour did take a walk on the Sabbath, I dinna think the more of Him +for 't." + + * * * * * + +I one day read, in an Edinburgh paper, the following letter, addressed +to the editor of the paper by a Scotch minister. This minister had been +accused by his antagonist of having been seen taking a walk through one +of the parks on the Sabbath. + +What an advertisement that letter was! + +This is how it ran: + + "Certain malevolent and unscrupulous persons have dared to set + afloat the rumour that I was seen in the Queen's Park on the + Sabbath. I utterly deny the accusation. I never take walks on the + Sabbath. Allow me also to add that, though by going through the park + I should considerably shorten the walk from my house to the church, + I avoid doing so. Let my enemies watch me, if they feel inclined, + and they will see that I go round." + +It seems impossible to beat that; but what do you think of the +following, which at all events runs it close? + +The little scene happened at Edinburgh one Sunday. + +My host and I were going to hear a preacher at some distance from the +centre of the town. + +In Princes Street we hailed an omnibus. + +I, in my simplicity, prepared to mount on the top, when I felt someone +pulling at my coat-tails. It was my companion, who was going inside, and +who made a sign to me to follow. + +"What! you ride inside on such a lovely day!" I exclaimed, taking my +seat at his side. + +"On week-days it is all very well to go outside, but on the Sabbath the +interior is more respectable." + +The following little anecdote, which was told me in the north of +Scotland, proves that the Highlander knows how to reconcile his scruples +with his interests, even on the Holy Sabbath day: + +My friend, walking one day in the neighbourhood of Braemar, all at once +perceived that he had lost his way. + +Meeting a peasant, he asked him to put him on the right track. + +"Eh!" said the rustic, "you are breaking the Sawbath, and you are served +richt. The Lord is punishin' ye...." + +This little sermon bid fair to last some time. My friend slipped a +shilling into the peasant's hand. + +The effect was magical. + +"Straight on till ye come to the crossroads, then the second turnin' to +the richt, and there ye are." + +There is nothing like knowing how to speak Scotch when you go to +Scotland. + + * * * * * + +Yet, the real old Scotch Sabbath is almost passing away. + +Some lament it, others rejoice at it; but all the Scotch admit that +their forefathers would be horrified at the things that pass in these +days. + +And indeed things must have greatly changed. + +Now there are those who take walks on the Sabbath. What do I say, walks? +There are those who ride velocipedes--Heaven forgive them! There are to +be seen--no offence to my worthy host--there are to be seen poor +harmless folk degenerate enough to go and sniff the fresh air on the top +of an omnibus. They are not the _unco' guid_, but still they are Scotch. + +Where is the time when Scotch cooks refused to use a roasting-jack on +Sunday because it worked and made a noise? + +Where is the time when a Scotchman almost found fault with his hens for +laying eggs on the Sabbath? + +Where are the days when Donald considered it shocking to introduce music +into divine service? + +The following little scene, of which I was a witness, proved to me that +in the Scotchman the practical spirit is bound to assert itself. No +matter whether it is Sunday: if he does evil on the Sabbath, he must do +it well. + +It was one Sunday afternoon in Edinburgh. + +Several children were amusing themselves (_proh pudor!_), in a corner of +Calton Hill Park, by piling up a heap of stones. + +When the heap was a few inches high, the children retreated two or three +yards and, each armed with a stone, began to try and knock down their +little construction. + +Up came a gentleman, indignant. + +"Little scamps!" he began, "are you not ashamed of yourselves? Don't you +know you are breaking the Sabbath?" + +This impressive exhortation produced small effect upon the little arabs, +who went on aiming at the heap, but without success, however. + +By the movements of the man every time a stone missed its aim, I could +see that if the worthy Scot was indignant at the scandalous conduct of +the boys, their awkwardness inspired him with the most profound +contempt. + +Stone followed stone, but the heap remained intact. + +The Scotchman could bear it no longer. + +"Duffers!" he cried. + +And picking up a stone, he aimed it at the heap, scattering it in all +directions; then, with a last pitying glance at the young admiring +troop, quietly resumed his walk. + +_Scotch moral._--Don't play at knocking down stones on the blessed +Sabbath, it is a sin; however, if you do not fear to commit this sin, +knock down the stones. Don't miss your aim, it is a crime. + + * * * * * + +This practical spirit shows itself on Sundays in many of the large towns +in Great Britain. + +In London, for instance, certain tramway companies double the tram-fares +on Sundays. The Pharisees at the head of these companies say to +themselves: + +"We commit a sin in working on Sundays; let the sin be at least a +remunerative one." + +In France, our public gardens, such as the _Jardin d'Acclimation_ and +many others, reduce the price of admission on Sundays, in order to allow +the working-people and their children to take a day of cheap and +healthful recreation. + +For a penny, I can any day of the week get taken by tram close to the +magnificent Kew Gardens. The poor workman, who would like to go there on +Sunday, is obliged to pay twopence to the company--one penny for his +place, and another to appease the consciences of the shareholders. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + Scotch Bonhomie. -- Humour and Quick-Wittedness. -- + Reminiscences of a Lecturer. -- How the Author was once + taken for an Englishman. + + +It seems strange that in this country, so religious as it is, most of +the anecdotes which the people are fond of relating should refer to +religion, and that the hero of them should generally be the minister. +All that joking at the Scriptures, that parodying of the Bible, those +little comic scenes at the poor minister's expense, seem at first sight +to be in direct opposition with the national character. It is nothing of +the kind, however. These anecdotes, which after all have in reality +nothing irreverent in them, prove but one thing to us, and that is, that +the Scotch are steeped over head and ears in Bible, and are not sorry to +get a laugh out of it now and then: it does them good, it is a little +relief to them, and--if I may believe Dean Ramsay, the great authority +on Scotch anecdotes--the ministers are the first to set the example. + +Those anecdotes, I repeat, are not irreverent: I have heard them told by +Scotchmen who would not think of shaving on a Sunday for fear of giving +the cook extra work to boil water early. (And do not smile if I add that +in the evening, after supper, there was hot water on the table for the +_toddy_. At that hour the water had had time to boil without occasioning +any extra labour. At all events, this is how I accounted for the +phenomenon.) + +Their anecdotes, in a word, prove that the Scotch see a subtle, pithy +point more easily than the English, whatever these latter may say, and +that they are not so intolerant in matters religious as they are often +represented to be. + +The further north you go in Great Britain, the more quick-wittedness and +humour you find. For quickness in seizing the signification of a +gesture, a glance, a tone, I do not hesitate, if my opinion have the +slightest value, to give the palm to the Scotch. + +When, for instance, in lecturing, I remind my audience that the English +have given the British Isles the name of "_United_ Kingdom," the Scotch +shake with laughter: the little point of sarcasm does not escape their +intelligence. In England, I am generally obliged to pause on it and give +them time to reflect; and once or twice, in the south, I was seized with +a great temptation to cry out, _ą la_ Mark Twain, "Ladies and gentlemen, +this is a joke." + +I have found all my audiences sympathetic and indulgent; but that which +provokes a laugh in the north, often leaves the south indifferent. In +Birmingham, Yorkshire, Lancashire, in all these great centres of British +activity, and in Scotland, that which is appreciated in a humorous +lecture is a bit of covert satire--a pleasantry accompanied by an +imperturble look: the kind of fun that the English themselves call "dry +and quiet." In the south, you often regret to see that a broad joke +brings you a roar of applause; while some of your pet points, those that +you are proudest of, will pass almost unnoticed. + +Let me give you an idea of that which the lecturer has to swallow +sometimes. + +In a room, a few miles out of London, I had just given a lecture to the +members of a literary Society. + +In this lecture, wishing to show to my audience that enlightened and +intelligent French people know how to appreciate British virtues, I had +recited almost in its entirety that scene in the _Prise de Pčkin_, in +which the hero, a _Times_ correspondent, walks to execution with a firm +step, defying the Emperor of China and his mandarins with the words, "La +Hangleterre il était le premičre nation du monde." + +The lecture over, I had retired with the chairman to the committee-room. +Immediately after, a lady presented herself at the door and asked the +chairman to introduce me to her. + +After the usual salutations and compliments, the worthy lady said to me +pointblank: + +"You are not a Frenchman; I knew you were an Englishman." + +"I am afraid the compliment is a little exaggerated," I responded; +"certainly you cannot make me believe that I speak English so well as +to pass for an Englishman." + +"Oh! that is not it," she said; "but at the end of your lecture you gave +us a French quotation with a very strong English accent." + +I begged the lady to excuse me, as "I had a train to catch." + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + Drollery of Scotch Phraseology. -- A Scotchman who Lost his + Head. -- Two Severe Wounds. -- Premature Death. -- A Neat + Comparison. -- Cold Comfort. + + +I have spoken in a preceding chapter of the picturesque manner in which +the Scotch people of the old school express themselves. Here are two or +three examples which will well illustrate what I mean. + +I one day made the acquaintance of an old Scotch soldier. He had been +present at the battle of Waterloo, and was fond of talking about the +Napoleonic wars. + +I started his favourite topic. + +He described the battle of Waterloo to me with the most remarkable +clearness. It was even touching to hear him give the details of the +death of one of his comrades whose head had been shot off by a +cannon-ball. + +"Poor fellow," he added, "he will have to appear at the Last Day with +his head under his arm." + +"Were you ever wounded, yourself?" I asked. + +"Yes," replied the old Scot with an imperturbable seriousness which made +it impossible to suppose that he intended a joke; "I received two +wounds--one at Quatre-Bras and the other in the right leg." + +I once had a long conversation with an old lady of eighty-two, whose +grandfather had served, in his youth, under Bonnie Prince Charlie. She +related to me all the wonderful adventures of her ancestor, and when she +had come to the end, added, with a gravity that was sublime: + +"He's deed noo." + +The conversation of these Scots of the old school is full of surprises. +You must be ready for anything. In the very middle of the most pathetic +story, out will come a remark that will make you shake with laughter. +This drollery has all the more hold over you, because it is natural. The +Scot is too natural to aim at being amusing, and it is just this +simplicity, this _naturalness_, which disarms and overcomes you. + +Donald has a way of looking at things which gives his remarks a piquancy +that is irresistible: it almost takes your breath away sometimes, you +feel quite floored. + +A Scotch pastor was trying to give a farmer of his parish an idea of the +delights which await us in Paradise. + +"Yes, Donald," he cried, "it is a perpetual concert. There's Raphael +singing, Gabriel accompanying him on the harp, and all the angels +flapping their wings to express their joy. Oh, Donald, what a sublime +sight! You cannot imagine anything like it." + +"Ay, ay, but I can," interrupted Donald. "It is just like the geese flap +their wings when we have had a lang droot, an' they see the rain a +comin'." + +In making this remark, nothing is further from Donald's intention than +to make a joke, or be irreverent. He says it in all seriousness. It is +in this that a great charm of the Scotch phraseology lies. + +A friend of mine told me that he was once walking through a churchyard +with a Scotchman, and feeling a fit of sneezing coming on, he remarked +to his companion that he feared he had taken a cold. + +"That's bad," replied the Scotchman, "but there's mony a ane here who +wad be glad o 't." + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + Family Life -- "Can I assist you?" -- "No, I will assist myself, + thank you." -- Hospitality in good Society. -- The Friends of + Friends are Friends. -- When the Visitors come to an End there + are more to follow. -- Good Society. -- Women. -- Men. -- + Conversation in Scotland. -- A Touching little Scene. + + +The hospitality of the Scotch, the simplicity of their manners, and the +authority which the father wields, give Scotch family life quite a +patriarchal aspect. + +The existence which the Scotch lead is a little morose in its austerity, +but it becomes these cool, calm people, brought up in a religion that is +the enemy of joyousness, and in a climate that induces sadness. Gaiety +is produced by an agreeable sense of existence; it is the reflection of +a generous sun in temperate climates. + +Austerity banishes familiarity from family life and engenders +constraint. I have seen Scotch homes where laughter is considered +ill-bred, and the joyous shouts of children are repressed. I felt ill at +ease there; that reserve inspired by an overdrawn sense of propriety +paralysed my tongue, and I could only answer in monosyllables the +monosyllabic remarks of my host and hostess. Happily nothing more +elaborate was expected of me. + +"Is this your first visit to Scotland?" + +"No, I have had the pleasure of visiting Scotland several times." + +"Our country must seem very dull to you after France." + +"A little ... but I live in England." + +"Which do you like best, England or Scotland?" + +"Oh! Scotland, certainly." + +"It is very cold to-day." + +"Yes, but not colder than usual." + +Heaven be thanked! dinner is announced, and I offer my arm to the lady +of the house. + +It is a family dinner. My host has before him a fine joint of beef, +there are two chicken in front of my hostess, and I am placed opposite a +boiled ham. A pair of carvers, laid with my cover, tell me that I shall +have to carve the ham which is here eaten with the chicken. The idea is +excellent; but all at once, down go the heads almost to the tablecloth. +My host looks at the chicken, at the ham, and lastly at the ribs of +beef. His face clouds and, bending over the beef, he growls a few +inarticulate words at it. It is not, as Mark Twain would say, that there +is anything the matter with it, Scotch beef is the best in the world. +These words, that I was unable to catch the sense of, were meant to +invoke the blessing of Heaven on the repast: it was Grace before meat. +Very right. I like the idea of thanking Heaven for its favours, but why +the frown? + +A servant stands behind his master's chair, another behind my hostess. + +My host arms himself with his carving knife and fork and, without +relaxing a muscle of his face, says to me: + +"Can I assist you to a little beef?" + +"No, thank you, I think I will take a little chicken." + +"Can I assist you, my dear?" he said looking at his wife. + +"No, thank you, I will assist myself," replies that lady. + +"May I assist you to a slice of ham?" I ask, seeing her put the wing of +a chicken on her plate. + +"A very small piece, please." + +When everyone is _assisted_, conversation resumes its little +monosyllabic jog-trot, until the arrival of the puddings and sweets, +when each of us again begins to propose to assist the other, and to +think "We will take a little of this or that." + +The sensation of needles and pins in your legs, the phraseology that +consists in expressing one's thoughts by _I think I will take a little +tart, I do not think I will take any cheese, very little of this, a very +small piece of that_, when one feels hungry, those few moments of solemn +suspense during which the company look at one another waiting for the +hostess to rise--all these things give you cold shivers. + +At last the ladies withdraw, the men are left to themselves, and you +feel a little less restrained. + +I had already been present at many little scenes of this kind in +England, not in high society where one finds much ease and liveliness, +but in a few middle-class houses among straight-laced people. The little +scene which I have attempted to describe passed in a country mansion. +Yet I cannot enumerate all the delicate attentions with which those kind +Scotch people surrounded me during my short stay among them. In most of +the Scotch houses where I had the honour of being entertained, I found a +generous and considerate hospitality, a hospitality which was all the +more agreeable for not being overpowering. No fuss, no noise, no +frivolous politeness. On my arrival the master of the house explained to +me the geography of his habitation. + +"This is the smoking-room, this the library, here is the drawing-room, +and there is your bedroom. And now, my dear sir, be at home, or get +home." + +That is the best kind of hospitality. The Scotchman puts all the +resources of his house at your disposition and, in a really hospitable +spirit, leaves you to use them according to your taste. + +Several families I know of keep open house all the year round. The +friends of friends are friends, and are always well received no matter +at what hour they may make their appearance. Some will arrive in time +for dinner, play a game of billiards and retire. At the breakfast +table, the mistress of the house enquires of her husband how many guests +he has, and he often finds it very difficult to answer her question. + +I was very much amused one Sunday morning in one of these houses. The +breakfast was on the table from nine to half-past twelve. The guests +took as much sleep as they liked and came down when they pleased. When I +thought they were all down there were more to come. They helped +themselves to tea or coffee, and having boiled an egg over the fire, set +down comfortably to their breakfast. Some had gone to church, others to +the library to smoke, or to the park to take the air. Two only turned up +at two o'clock to luncheon. I should not wonder if one or two stayed in +bed all day, for I think I remember that, at dinner-time, I saw a face +or two that looked to me like fresh acquaintances. + + * * * * * + +Good society is the same everywhere--like hotels, as Edmond About said. +It is only a question of more or less manners in the first, and more or +less fleas in the second. + +In Scotland fleas are rare. They would starve on the skin of the Scotch +men and are too well-mannered to attack that of the Scotch ladies. + +As to good society it is no exception to the rule here. + +To study the manners of the Scotch, as well as to study the manners of +any other nation, you must mix with the middle classes, with the people +above all, for they are the real repository of the traditions of the +country. You must travel third-class; there is nothing to be learnt in +first. For that matter, there is nothing alarming about that in +Scotland, their third-class carriages are superior to our French +seconds. + + * * * * * + +The Scotchwoman is pretty. + +She has not the sparkling, piquant physiognomy of the Frenchwoman; she +has not the beautiful clear grey eyes--those eyes so dreamy and +tender--of the Irishwoman. But she looks more simple and reserved than +her English sisters, although her manner is just as frank. + +I have often admired Scotchwomen of a pronounced Celtic type. They have +large eyes, dark and well shaped, with long lashes; their features are +admirably regular, they are generally rather under middle height, with +broad shoulders and perfectly proportioned sculptural lines. + +Red hair is common in Scotland. One sees more of it in Edinburgh and +Glasgow than in the whole of England; but the skin is so fine, the +features are so delicate, the complexion so clear, that the little +defect passes unperceived or forgiven. + +The men are hard and sinewy. + +In point of appearance I prefer the English and Irish men. Scotchmen are +well fitted for the battle of life. They are useful to their country but +hardly ornamental. + +The Scotchman is absorbed in business. In his leisure moments he goes +into politics or theology; he studies or takes outdoor exercise. He has +little time to consecrate to women. He prefers the company of men. + +The women are timid, the men reserved, and if you feel ready to +undertake the burden of the conversation, you will be listened to in +Scotland; but I cannot guarantee that you will be appreciated. Your +words are criticised, examined, and sifted, and when you flatter +yourself with the sweet thought that you have given your host a high +idea of your conversational powers, you will often only have succeeded +in making a fool of yourself in their eyes. + +Never try to entertain the Scotch. Rather hear what they have to say. +Reply to their questions; but if you would inspire them with respect, be +sober in your speech, and above all avoid dogmatising. Leave the door of +discussion always open, so that each member of the company may enter +easily. Many Frenchmen have the bad habit of dogmatising, as if their +verdicts were without appeal. This habit is an outcome of our frank, +impulsive character; but the Scotch would be slow in appreciating it. + +When a Scotchman asked me--which he invariably did--what were my +political opinions, I answered him that a monarchy has its good points, +and a republic has incontestable advantages. That allowed each one to +express himself freely upon the two forms of government, and instead of +entertaining them, I listened, which was infinitely more prudent, and +perhaps also more profitable for me. + + * * * * * + +I have several times been a witness of very touching little scenes in +Scotland, which proved to me that there are hearts of gold to be found +under the rough surfaces of Scotchmen. + +Here is one among many; it is a reminiscence of my visit in a country +seat not far from Edinburgh. + +"I want to introduce you to an old lady, who wishes very much to make +your acquaintance," said my host to me one day. + +"Who is the lady?" I asked. + +"It is an old servant who has been in the family more than eighty years. +It was she who brought up my father, myself, and my children. She is +ninety-eight years old to-day, and with our care we hope to see her live +to a hundred." + +We went upstairs, and on the third floor we entered a little suite of +apartments, consisting of two most comfortable rooms, a bedroom and a +little parlour. There we found the _old lady_, sitting in an arm-chair, +and having a chat with one of the young ladies of the house. + +"Janet," said my host, "I bring you our friend who wishes to present his +respects to you." + +"I am no as active as I was," said the good old soul to me, "but I am +wonderfu' weel for my age. I shall soon be a hundred years of age." + +"Nonsense," said my host kissing his old nurse, "who told you that? You +have forgotten how to count, Janet; don't get absurd ideas into your +head." + +"We never leave her alone," he said to me; "my wife and daughters take +it in turn to pass the day with her and amuse her. They bring their +needlework and help poor old Janet to forget time." + +I looked around me. The walls were covered with drawings and a thousand +ornaments that only the heart of woman knows how to invent. Never a good +dish came on the table without Janet having her share. At night all the +family met in her little parlour for prayers and Bible reading. + +I shook hands with the old servant and went away greatly touched. + +"She is no longer a servant," said my host to me; "she has property, and +all the household call her _the old lady_. She will be buried with us. I +have already seen to the carrying out of her wishes on this subject. She +wants to lie at the feet of the family, and has begged to have her grave +made across the foot of ours. So I have bought a piece of ground next to +our vault, and Janet's desire is to be carried out. We hope to keep her +many years yet; we shall all miss her when she is gone." + +All this was said without apparent emotion, without the least +ostentation. + +"Well," I said to myself, "in Scotland more than anywhere one must not +judge people by their exterior." + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + Little Sketches of Family Life in Scotland. -- The Scotchman of + "John Bull and his Island." -- Painful Explanations. -- As a + Father I love you, as a Customer I take you in. -- A Good + Investment. -- Killing two Birds with one Stone. -- A Young Man + in a Hurry. + + +What letters of recrimination I received on the subject of a certain +Scotchman presented to the readers of _John Bull and His Island_! What +downpours! + +Some accused me of caricaturing, some of imposture. Others, with more +delicacy, hinted that I should do better at novel writing than at +_impressions de voyage_. + +For a month my letter-box was besieged, and at each _rat-tat_ of the +postman I used to say to myself: "One more indignant Scotchman." + +After all, what had I done to draw down such thunders? + +Here is the offending passage: + +"A young literary Scotchman of my acquaintance generally passes a month +once a year in the house of his father on the outskirts of Edinburgh. +His father is a Presbyterian minister in a very enviable position. On +the day of his departure, my friend invariably finds beside his plate at +breakfast, a little paper carefully folded: it is the detailed account +of the repasts he has taken during his stay under the paternal roof; in +other words, his bill." + +I never pretended to say that this kind of father was common in +Scotland. I did not say I knew of two such fathers, I said I knew of +one. + +The Scotch have not yet digested my delicious Papa. In all parts of +Scotland I was taken to task in the same manner. + +"Come, come, my dear sir, own that it was not true, confess that it was +a little bit of your own invention." + +"His name, what is his name?" cried a few indiscreet ones. + +I convinced a few, a few remained undecided; I even saw two or three go +away still firmly believing the story was a creation of my brain. + +I can only say that my friend did not appear to grumble at his father's +treatment, for he finished by adding: + +"On the whole, I do not complain, the bill is always very reasonable." + +For that matter, I have come across a better case still. + +I know of a Scotch father who bought a house for a thousand pounds and +sold it to his son, six months later, for twelve hundred. + +That is not all. + +The son had not the money in hand, and it was the father who advanced +the cash--at five per cent. + +Considering the price money is at nowadays, it was an investment to be +proud of. + +Do not imagine that the father ran the least risk of losing the capital: +he took a mortgage on the house. + +The son, seeing that the money had been advanced to him at high +interest, paid off his father as quickly as he could. He is now his own +landlord, and Papa is on the look-out for another good investment. + +I should pity the reader, even were he a Scotchman as seen through +Sydney Smith's spectacles, if he took this Caledonian for a typical +portrait of the Scotch father. + +At the beginning of this volume, I compared the Scot to the Norman, and +I may say that I have witnessed, in Normandy, little scenes of family +life which are quite a match for those I have just described. But the +actors in them were peasants. + + * * * * * + +I am indebted to a doctor in the neighbourhood of Aberdeen for the +following anecdote: + +"I was one day called to the bedside of an old farmer who was +dangerously ill," said the doctor to me. "On leaving the patient's +room, I took his son aside and told him that it was useless for me to +deceive him as to the state of his father, and that I very much feared +he had not an hour to live, or, at the best, could not outlast the day." + +"'Are you quite sure?' said the son, scrutinising me keenly. + +"'I am only too sure,' I replied. + +"I shook the young man's hands and drove away. I had scarcely been at +home an hour, when a little cart drew up before my door. I saw the young +farmer alight from it and, a minute later, he entered my consulting +room. He held his cap in his hand, twisting it uneasily. + +"'Is your father worse?' I asked. + +"'No, doctor, just the same. I have come, because I had a little +business in town ... and I wanted to ask you at the same time.... Well, +I thought that perhaps you wouldn't mind giving me Father's certificate +of death now.... As you say it is certain he won't pull through the day, +I suppose you don't mind whether it is to-day or to-morrow that you give +it me, and it will save me the trouble of coming in again on purpose.' + +"It was all I could do to make the young fellow understand that I could +not sign the certificate of death of a man who was still alive. + +"The old farmer died next morning at nine o'clock. + +"At ten, the son came to announce the news and to ask me for the +certificate." + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + Matrimonial Ceremonies. -- Sweethearts. -- "Un Serrement de main + vaut dix serments de bouche." -- "Jack's kisses were nicer than + that." -- A Platonic Lover. -- "Excuse me, I'm married." -- A + wicked Trick. + + +In Scotland, matrimonial ceremonies are as simple as they are practical. +No priest, no mayor brought into requisition; you take God and your +friends to witness. You present your choice to these latter, and say: "I +take Mary for my wife." The girl on her part says: "I take Donald for my +husband," and there is an end of the matter. I need not say that you can +go to Church if you prefer it. + +Elementary as the ceremony is, the Scotchman holds it none the less +sacred for that. It is not without long reflection that he enters into +the holy estate; and the law, which knows the sagacity and constancy of +the Scot, has not hesitated to sanction such alliances. + +This matrimony made easy in nowise lures the Scot into rushing at it +headlong. Young couples sometimes remain engaged for years before they +think of taking the great step. This is often because the man's +resources are not sufficient for housekeeping, but oftener still because +the young people want to know each other thoroughly. + +I appreciate their prudence in the first case as much as I blame it in +the second. + +How can two affianced people know each other, even if for years they try +ever so hard? + +Love easily lives on trifles, flirtation, sentimental walks, _billets +doux_, and so on. The sky is serene, the lovers sail on a smooth sea. +How can they know if they are really good sailors before they have +encountered a storm? + +When cares or misfortunes come, to say nothing of the price of butter +and the length of the butcher's bill, then they make acquaintance. True +love resists these shocks and comes out triumphant, but the _other_ kind +succumbs. + +Let lovers see each other every week, every day, if you will, their main +pastime is the repetition of their vows: they learn nothing of married +life. The apprenticeship has to begin all over again the day after the +wedding. Lovers may see each other every day, it is true, but _every +day_ is not _all day_. Lovers are always on their guard; they put a +bridle on their tongues; before they meet, they are careful to look in +the glass and see that nothing is amiss with their toilet; but when they +are one each side of the bedroom fireplace, he in slippers and +smoking-cap and she in curl-papers, then comes the test. + +Familiarity breeds contempt, says the English proverb. The love that is +not based on deep-rooted friendship, on solid virtues, on an amiable +philosophy, and careful diplomacy, will not survive two years of +matrimonial life. Scarcely any of these things are called into +requisition during the courtship, and this is how _mariages de +convenance_ often turn out better than love-matches. Matrimony is a huge +lottery in both cases. + +I prefer the love-making and matrimonial processes of England and +Scotland to our own French ones; but if I had a marriageable daughter, I +should be sorry to see her give her heart to a man who could not marry +her for several years. + +The danger with long engagements is that they often do not end in +matrimony, and in such a case a young girl's future is blighted. + +I do not know if you are of my opinion, dear Reader, but, according to +my taste, making love to a girl who has been engaged five or six years, +is like sitting down to a dish of _réchauffé_. Seeing the liberty that +British usage accords to engaged couples, I maintain that pure as the +lady may be and is, she is none the less a flower that has been breathed +upon and has lost some of its value. For my part, I should always be +afraid to give her a kiss, for fear she should pout and seem to say: + +"Jack's kisses were far nicer than that!" + + * * * * * + +I extract the following anecdote from the Memoirs of Doctor John Brown, +a well-known Scotch divine. + +The doctor, it appears, had for six years and a half been engaged to be +married to a certain lady, when it occurred to him that matters were no +further advanced than on the day when he had asked her for her heart and +its dependencies. The position became intolerable: the doctor had not +yet ventured on anything less ceremonious than shaking hands with his +lady-love. To touch her hand was something, and perhaps the reverend +gentleman thought, with our French poet: + + _Ce gage d'amitié plus qu'un autre me touche: + Un serrement de main vaut dix serments de bouche._ + +However, one day, he summoned up all his courage, and, as they sat in +solemn silence, said suddenly: + +"Janet, we've been acquainted noo six years an' mair, and I've ne'er +gotten a kiss yet. D' ye think I might take one, my bonnie lass?" + +"What, noo, at once?" cried Janet rather taken by surprise. + +"Yes, noo." + +"Just as you like, John; only be becoming and proper wi' it." + +"Surely, Janet, and we'll ask a blessing first," said the young doctor. + +The blessing was asked, the kiss was taken, and the worthy divine, +perfectly overcome with the blissful sensation, rapturously exclaimed: + +"Eh, lass, but it is guid. We'll return thanks." + +This they did, and the biographer adds that, six months later, this +pious couple were made one flesh and lived a long life of happy +usefulness. + +The following little scene, of which a friend was witness in Scotland, +will show that if Scotch people in general can see through a joke, there +are also a few who belong to the type described by Sydney Smith, and for +whom the _surgical operation_ is a sad necessity. + +Several persons had met together in a Scotch drawing-room, and were +passing the evening in playing at simple games. One of these games +consisted in each person going out of the room in turn, while the +company agreed upon a word to be guessed at by the absent member on his +or her return. + +A young lady had just gone out of the room. + +During her absence the word _passionately_ was chosen. + +The young lady having been recalled, each member of the party in turn +went through a little performance that should lead her to guess the +word, addressing her in passionate language, while expressing with the +features as much love, despair, or anger, as possible. + +A Scotchman, who looked ill at ease, whispered in my friend's ear: + +"What must I do?" + +"Try to look madly in love," said my friend, ready to burst out laughing +at the sight of the long serious face of his neighbour. + +"Couldn't you suggest me something to say?" + +"Why, make the young lady a declaration of love. Say: 'It is useless to +hide my feelings from you any longer; I love you, I adore you,' and +then throw yourself at her feet and----" + +"Excuse me," said the poor fellow quite upset, "but I'm married." + +When the young lady came to him, he begged her politely to excuse him, +and thought himself safe; unhappily he was not at the end of his +troubles yet. + +My friend, whose turn came next, threw himself on his knees, and, with +haggard eyes and ruffled hair, thus addressed her: + +"Dear young lady, this gentleman, whom you see at my side, is nervous +and shy; he loves you and dares not to tell his love." + +"But, excuse me," cried the Scotchman. + +"Listen not to him, he is dying of love. If you do not return his flame, +I know him, he will do something desperate. Have pity on him, dear lady, +have pity." + +"_Passionately!_" cried the young girl. + +The worthy Scot, who had not been able to screw up his courage to play +the part of a passionate lover, was soon after missed from the company. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + Donald is not easily knocked down. -- He calmly contemplates + Death, especially other People's. -- A thoughtful Wife. -- A + very natural Request. -- A Consolable Father. -- "Job," 1st + Chapter, 21st Verse. -- Merry Funerals. -- They manage Things + better in Ireland. -- Gone just in Time. -- Touching Funeral + Orations. + + +If folks do not laugh much at a wedding in Scotland, they make up for it +at a funeral. + +Let me hasten to say, that I am sure it would be insulting the reader's +intelligence to tell him that this applies only to the lower classes. + +As a good Christian and a man who has led a busy and useful life, Donald +calmly contemplates the approach of death--especially other people's. + +Death is always near, he says to himself, and a wise man should not be +alarmed at its approach. + +Thus fortified with wisdom, he calmly looks the evil in the face, and +lets it not disturb his little jog-trot existence. This does not imply +that he is wanting in affection, it only means that he accepts the +inevitable without murmuring, and that in him reason has the mastery +over sentiment. + +A _guid_ wife would say to her husband in the most natural way in the +world: + +"Donald, I do not think you have long to live. Have you any special +request to make me? Whom would you like invited to your funeral? Do you +wish Jamie to be chief mourner?" and so on. + +An Edinburgh lady told me that her housemaid one morning came and asked +her for leave of absence until six in the evening, saying that her +sister was to be buried that day. + +The permission was granted, of course. + +The Scotch know how to keep their word. At six o'clock precisely the +maid returned, but wanted to know whether she might have the evening +free as well. + +"What do you want the evening for?" asked her mistress. + +"Oh! ma'am," replied the lassie, "the rest of the family want to finish +the day at the theatre, and they asked me to go with them." + +Impossible to refuse so natural a request. + + * * * * * + +This trait of the Scotch character is often to be met with in the +superior classes also. + +Here is a very striking example of it. + +One of my friends, an eminent professor at one of the great English +public schools, had taken to Braemar with him a young Scotchman of great +promise whom he wished not to lose sight of during the long summer +vacation. + +The mornings and evenings were devoted to study. The hot afternoons were +spent with Horace and Euripides, on the bank of the Dee, in the shade +of the trees that crowd down to the water's brink, as if they were all +eager to gaze at their own reflection in the river. + +During the dry season the stream is fordable in several places, and many +times had the young Scotchman crossed it. + +Wishing to pass a week with his family before school reopened, the pupil +had told his professor that he wished to leave Braemar before him. + +The day before that which he had fixed for his departure, a fearful +storm had burst over the neighbourhood. + +Arrived with his knapsack on his back at the banks of the Dee, he saw +before him, not a peaceful stream, but an angry torrent, swollen and +lashed to fury by the storm. + +The young Scotchman was not to be intimidated. He had crossed many +times, and he would do it again. Besides, the only other way of getting +to the station was by going two or three miles further down and taking +the boat. He prepared to ford the stream. + +Next day the poor young fellow's corpse, bruised and mangled, was found +a mile down the river. + +It would be beyond my powers to describe the despair of the professor, +when he heard of the terrible catastrophe. Entrusted with the care of +the young man, he felt as if guilty of his death. What could he say to +the unhappy parents? + +A telegram was despatched to the father, who arrived the day after. My +friend went to meet him at the station. What was his relief when he +heard this father say to him: "The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken +away; blessed be the name of the Lord." + +And he added: + +"This sublime passage is from _Job_, first chapter and twenty-second +verse--let me see, is it the twenty-first or the twenty-second verse? It +is the twenty-first, I am pretty sure." + +"I fear I cannot say," replied my friend. + +They walked, discussing the Book of _Job_ the while, to the house where +lay the remains of the unfortunate youth. + +Do not suppose that the Scotchman ran to imprint a farewell kiss on the +brow of his dead son. He seized upon a Bible that lay on the +drawing-room table, turned to the Book of _Job_, and having found the +passage he had quoted, said with a triumphant look at the professor: + +"It is the twenty-first verse--I knew I was right." + + * * * * * + +In days gone by, Scotch funerals were made the occasions of visiting and +great drinking. During the week that preceded the actual burying, open +house was kept for the relatives and friends of the _corpse_,[C] and +prodigious quantities of whisky were consumed. These scenes took place +among the aristocracy and the gentry as well as among the lower classes, +and they culminated in a general drinking bout on the day of the +interment. + + [C] It was thus that the defunct was referred to until after + the funeral was over. + +The route of the funeral procession might be traced by the victims of +Scotch hospitality to be seen lying helplessly inebriated by the +wayside, and only a small remnant of it reached the graveyard. More than +once was the coffin, which was carried by hand, left by the hedge, and +the burial put off until the morrow. After several stages the defunct +reached his long home.[D] + + [D] Dean Ramsay relates that in Inverness, forty years ago, the + coffin of a certain laird only reached the cemetery at the end + of a fortnight. + +To-day such scenes would excite as much disgust in Scotland as anywhere +else. Scotch manners and customs have greatly toned down. + +In the lower classes, however, the burial of a relative is still an +occasion for Bacchanalian festivities, and the day is finished up, as we +have seen, at the theatre or other place of entertainment, where a +pleasant evening can be spent. + +But what is this in comparison with that which still goes on in Ireland +in our day? That is where the thing is brought to perfection. + +As I fear I might be taxed with imposture, if I attempted to give a +description of the Irish wake, I will pass the pen to an English +journalist. + +A woman having died suddenly at Waterford, the Coroner had, according to +law, ordered an inquest. Here is the deposition of the police +constable; I extract it from my newspaper (May 8th, 1887): + +"When I entered the house last night, I found all the family in the room +where the coffin was. They were all drunk. The deceased had been raised +to a sitting posture in the coffin, and, by means of cords attached to +her hands and feet, was being made to execute all kinds of marionette +performances. It was like a _Punch and Judy_ show, at which the corpse +played the part of _Punch_. One of the sons was seated near the coffin +playing a concertina. When they saw me enter, the young men quarrelled +over the body, and danced around madly to the sound of the instrument. I +had the greatest difficulty to get possession of the corpse for the +inquest." + +One would think one was reading a description of some scene of life in +an out-of-the-way island of Oceania, instead of the sister-isle of +civilised England. + + * * * * * + +One more anecdote to show that Donald views the approach of dissolution +in his neighbour, without alarm. + +An old Scotchman, feeling death at hand, had bidden all his family to +his bedside. + +"I have sent for you," he said to them, "in order to give you my last +commands. I leave my house and all that belongs to it to my son Donald, +as well as all my cattle." + +"Puir old father, he keeps his faculties to the last," said Donald to +his neighbour. + +"As for my personal property, I desire that it may be divided equally +between...." + +Here the old man's voice failed. He made a last effort to speak. His +children bent down to catch his words. + +He was dead. + +"Puir father," cried Donald, "he is gone just as he was beginning to +rave." + + * * * * * + +Here is a touching funeral oration. + +Donald had just had the misfortune to lose on the same day his wife and +his cow. + +"Oh, my poor Janet," he lamented, "why have ye left me? Wha 'll gie me +back my Janet?" + +"Nonsense! you will soon get over it," said a friend, "times cures every +ill. You'll marry again by-and-by." + +"It may be, I dinna say no; but wha 'll gie me back my Janet?" + +Janet, as the reader may have divined, was the name of the "coo." + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + + Intellectual Life in Scotland. -- The Climate is not so bad + as it is represented to be. -- Comparisons. -- Literary and + Scientific Societies. -- Why should not France possess such + Societies? -- Scotch Newspapers. -- Scotland is the Sinew of + the British Empire. + + +How active and intellectual life in Scotland seems, in comparison with +the petty and monotonous existence led by the dwellers in Provincial +France! + +Is it the climate that so stirs the Scotch up to action? Possibly it may +be, up to a certain point: in a cold damp climate, a man feels it +imperative to keep his brain and body stirring; however, it is not fair +to abuse that poor Scotch climate too much. I saw roses blooming on the +walls of a house I visited at in Helensburgh last January, and I culled +primroses in the open air in February, at Buckie on the north coast of +Scotland. + +Scotch intellectual activity is the result of a widespread education +which is within the reach of the poorest. + +Enter the lowliest cottage and you will find books there--the Bible, +books on agriculture, a novel or two, and almost invariably the poems of +their dear Burns. + +There is no little town of three or four thousand inhabitants but has +its Literary and Scientific Society. + +In some cases, a rich philanthropist has come forward with a sum of +money to build a suitable home for the Society, but very often no such +building exists, and the meetings are held in the Town Hall, or some +other public edifice of the place. + + * * * * * + +Scotchwomen are excellent housewives. In their leisure time they draw, +write, and make themselves acquainted with the social, religious, and +political, questions of the day. + +They organise societies for the help of the poor, or get up concerts in +aid of the unfortunate. On Sundays, they teach the Bible to the children +of the poor. The old maids hunt out cases of distress and make +themselves useful to the community: they do the house-to-house +visitation. + +At any rate it is living. + +Compare this existence with life as led in Provincial France, where +people are wrapped up in their own family circle, take to keeping birds, +and divide their spare time between saying their _pater nosters_ and +criticising their neighbours. + +In Paris there is too much life, and in the provinces too little. All +the blood goes to the head, and the body droops and is paralysed. It is +the initiative spirit that is wanting; for, thank Heaven, it is neither +the brain nor the money that lacks. + +I spoke of Buckie at the commencement of this chapter. You have probably +never heard of Buckie, dear Reader. I assure you that a few months ago I +was in the same state of ignorance. My lecturing manager had marked this +little town on my list. I was invited to lecture at Buckie, it appeared. + +This little hive of three or four thousand bees looked to me, as I +alighted from the train, like a most insignificant little place. + +The chief doctor of the town, having written to offer me hospitality for +the night, had come to the station to meet me. + +"Do you mean to say you have a Literary Society here?" I said to him. + +"I should think so indeed," he replied; "and a very flourishing one it +is." + +"It is a manufacturing town, I suppose?" + +"Well, no; we have here a few well-to-do families. The rest of the town +consists of farmers, shopkeepers, and fisherfolk." + +"I hope the lecture-room is a small one," I remarked. + +"Make yourself easy about that," he replied; "our room holds from seven +to eight hundred people, but I guarantee it will be full to-night. They +will all want to come and hear what the Frenchman has got to say." + +I pretended to feel reassured, but I was far from being so. + +His prediction was verified after all, and never did I have a more +intelligent and appreciative audience. + +Surely Lyons, Marseilles, Lille, Nantes, Nancy, Bordeaux, ought to be +able to do what can be done by Buckie! + + * * * * * + +I doubt whether the Scotch are more intelligent than the English (I mean +the masses), but they are still more energetic and persevering, much +more frugal and economical, and certainly more intellectual; that is to +say, that the pleasures they seek after are of a higher order. + +The Scotch are great readers. + +In their public libraries, I have seen hundreds of workmen and labourers +thronged around the tables, and absorbed in reading the newspapers. + + * * * * * + +The Scotch papers, such as the _Scotsman_, the _Glasgow Herald_, the +_Glasgow News_, the _British Mail_, are in no wise behind the London +papers in importance or in literary merit. They have their own +correspondents in all the capitals of the world, and get the news of the +day at first hand. + +Comic papers are remarkable by their absence. The Scot does not throw +away his time and money on such trifles. + +On the other hand, religious papers swarm and make their fortune. + +The famous _Edinburgh Review_ has perhaps no longer quite the reputation +it used to enjoy, but it is still one of the most important _Reviews_ of +Great Britain. + +Yes, in all truth, Scotland is an energetic, robust, and intelligent, +nation. + +It is the sinew of the British Empire. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + + Higher Education in Scotland. -- The Universities. -- How they + differ from English Universities. -- Is he a Gentleman? -- + Scholarships. -- A Visit to the University of Aberdeen. -- + English Prejudice against Scotch Universities. + + +Scotland boasts four universities: Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen, and St. +Andrew's. + +These four great centres of learning constitute the system of Higher +Education in Scotland. + +These universities differ essentially from the two great English ones, +first because men go there to work, secondly because they are open to +the people. A peasant's son, like Thomas Carlyle for instance, can go +there without fearing that his fellow-students will avoid him because he +comes of a poor family. + +When a new student arrives at Oxford or Cambridge, the others do not +enquire whether he is a clever fellow or a dunce; what they want to +know is what his father is, and who was his grandfather. It is only +after obtaining a satisfactory answer to these questions that they +associate with the new comer. + +In Scotland, as in France, every man who is well educated and has the +manners of good society is a gentleman. The son of a peasant possessing +these is received everywhere. + +Each Scotch university offers from fifty to eighty scholarships, varying +in value from £8 to £70. These sums, paid annually to the winners of the +scholarships, help them to live while they are devoting their time to +study. + +The most admirable thing about high education in Scotland is that it is +put within the reach of all, and is not, as it is in England, a +sugarplum held so high as to be often unattainable. + +The result is that every intelligent young Scotchman may aim at entering +a profession. There may be in this a little danger to the commerce and +agriculture of the country. However, these young men do not encumber +Scotland; their studies fit them for a lucrative career, which they +often go and seek in the Colonies. An Australian friend told me recently +that more than half the doctors in Victoria were Scotchmen. + +I have spoken, in a previous chapter, of the privations that Scotch +undergraduates will often impose upon themselves. Nothing is more +remarkable than the sustained application and indefatigable will which +they bring to bear on their studies. Nothing distracts them from their +aim; they never lose sight of the diploma that will be their +bread-winner. I have seen them at work, these Scotch students. I visited +the School of Medicine at Aberdeen University, in the company of Dr. +John Struthers, the learned Professor of Anatomy. I was struck, in +passing through the dissecting room, to see about fifty students, +without any professor, so absorbed in their work that not one of them +lifted his head as we passed. + +In France it would have been very different: every eye would have been +turned to the stranger, and all through the room there would have been a +whisper of _Qui ēa_? And then remarks and jokes would have run rife. + + * * * * * + +The English are very prejudiced against the Scotch universities. + +How many times have I been told in England that young fellows, who fail +to obtain their medical diploma in England, could get them easily enough +in Scotland. Nothing is more absurd; if ever it was so, it was a long +while ago. In these days, the examinations of the four Scotch faculties +are quite as severe and quite as difficult as the English ones. + +Whenever there is a vacant mastership in an English public school +advertised in the newspapers, it is always stated that the candidates +for the post must be graduates of one of the universities of the United +Kingdom. This does not alter the fact that candidates, who are not +Oxford or Cambridge men, have no chance of being elected. I have known +Scotch masters in the public schools. They had studied at Edinburgh, +Glasgow, or Aberdeen, but had gone to Oxford or Cambridge to reside, in +order to obtain an English degree. + +Why is this? + +Simply because these two great English universities give their old +scholars an importance, not necessarily literary or scientific, but +social; they stamp them gentlemen. + +Whatever the English may say, the universities of old Scotland are the +nurseries of learned and useful citizens. Of this they would soon be +convinced if they would visit those great centres of intellectual +activity. But this is just what they avoid doing. When the English go to +Scotland, it is to fish or to shoot in the Highlands, and whatever they +may get in the way of game or fish, they do not pick up much serious +information on the subject of Scotland. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + + Scotch Literature. -- Robert Burns. -- Walter Scott. -- Thomas + Carlyle and Adam Smith. -- Burns Worship. -- Scotch Ballads and + Poetry. + + +Scotland possesses a national literature of which the greatest nations +might justly be proud. + +To take only the great names, it may safely be said that more touching +and sublime poetry than that of Burns was never written, that Walter +Scott was the greatest novelist of the century, that Thomas Carlyle has +never been surpassed as a historian and essayist, and that Adam Smith's +_The Wealth of Nations_ can be considered as the basis of modern +political economy. + +I pass over the Humes, Smolletts, and other illustrious representatives +of Scotch literature, on whom I certainly do not intend to write an +essay. + +But how can one speak of Scotland without devoting a few words to Robert +Burns? In their worship of their great poet I see a trait characteristic +of the Scotch people. + +Scotland is above all things full of practical common sense, but it is +steeped to the brim in poetry. There is poetry at the core of every +Scot. Visit the castle of the rich, or the cottage of the poor, or step +into your hotel bedroom, and you will see the portrait of the graceful +bard. + +I happened to be in Edinburgh on the 25th of January, the anniversary of +Burns' birth. The theatres were empty. Everyone was celebrating the +anniversary. Dinners, meetings, lectures were consecrated to Burns; and +that which was passing in Edinburgh was also passing, on a small scale, +in every little Scotch village. + +It was a national communion. + +Burns wrote in Scotch, and in celebrating the anniversary of his birth, +they celebrated a national fźte. His poetry reminds them that they +belong to a nation perfectly distinct from England, a nation having a +literature of her own. This is why his memory is revered by high and low +alike. The Scotch could no more part with their Burns than England with +Shakespeare, or Italy with Dante. The Gaelic tongue is rapidly dying +out, Scotch customs become more and more English every day, but each +year only adds to the glory of Robert Burns. His poems have run rapidly +through many editions--they have reached more than a hundred up to +now--the sad story of his life is retold every year, and his portrait is +still in great demand. The popularity Burns still enjoys in Scotland may +be judged from the fact than in one single shop in Edinburgh there are +twenty thousand portraits of the poet sold annually. + +Whilst the English allow the house which Carlyle inhabited for so many +years at Chelsea to go to ruins, the Scotch take a pride in showing the +stranger the little clay cottage where Burns first saw the light on the +25th of January, 1759. + +It is with real regret that I turn from the subject of the "Ayrshire +Ploughman," his life and his works. Few poets have united as he has, +delicate pathos and comic force, pure _rźverie_ and the sense of the +grotesque. But after all, I should but do what has been done over and +over again by his numerous biographers, the chief of whom are Carlyle, +Chambers, and Professor Shairp. + +Longfellow has said that what Jasmin, the author of the _The Blind Girl +of Castel Cuillé_, was to the south of France, Burns was to the south of +Scotland: the representative of the heart of the people. + + * * * * * + +Nothing can be more suave, piquant, and picturesque than the wild and +primitive melodies of the songs of Scotland. The Scotch ballad is the +spontaneous production of the touching and simple genius of the nation. + +The words are full of pathos and rustic humour. The music is light, +often plaintive, always graceful. The whole has a delicious perfume of +the mountain. I know of no other kind of song to compare with it, unless +it were perhaps the songs of the Tyrol and a few _Breton_ ballads. + +The verses of Burns and other Scotch poets have inspired some of the +greatest musicians. Mendelssohn was a great admirer of them. + +Madame Patti delights to charm her audiences with "Comin' thro' the +rye," or "Within a mile o' Edinbro' town," and these vocal gems suit the +supple voice of the inimitable songstress; they even suit her very +person, as she sings them in her arch manner, and finishes up with a +saucy little curtsey. + +The songs of Scotland, old as they are most of them, have lost nothing +of their freshness. They are still the delight of the nation.[E] + + [E] The finest edition of the Songs of Scotland is that recently + published by Messrs. Muir Wood, of Glasgow. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + + The Dance in Scotland. -- Reels and Highland Schottische. -- Is + Dancing a Sin? -- Dances of Antiquity. -- There is no Dancing + now. + + +People do not dance now--in drawing-rooms at least--they walk, says M. +Ratisbonne. + +In Scotland, however, people still dance. + +The Scotch have preserved the primitive, innocent, pastoral character of +this exercise. + +Nothing is more graceful than the reel and schottische of the Highlands. + + +The reel demands great agility. Two swords are placed crosswise on the +ground and, to the sound of bagpipes, Donald executes double and triple +pirouettes in and out, carefully avoiding the weapons. + +Ask me how Society dances in Scotland and I will answer: just as it does +elsewhere, but with a gravity that would do honour to our senators. + + * * * * * + +The Scotch are not all agreed as to whether dancing is sinful or not. + +Certain dwellers in the Highlands look on it as the eighth deadly sin; +the Shakers, on the contrary, consider it as the most edifying of +religious exercises. + +Between the two, the margin is wide. + +Socrates, the wisest of men in the eyes of Apollo, admired this exercise +and learned dancing in his old age. Homer speaks of Merion as a good +dancer, and adds that the grace and agility he had acquired in dancing +rendered him superior to all the Greek and Trojan warriors. + +Dancing was among the religious acts of the Hebrews, Greeks, and +Egyptians. The early Fathers of the Church led the dance of the children +at solemn festivals. + +The holy king David danced in front of the Ark, as we know by the +Scriptures. + +Real virtue is amiable, and tolerance and gaiety are its distinguishing +marks. + +For my part, I know no more charming sight than those village dances, +becoming, alas! more and more rare. Boys and girls gave themselves up to +mirthful pleasure without thought of harm, and these pastoral fźtes kept +alive joy and innocence in the hearts of our villagers. We are growing +too serious, the railways and telegraph have upset us and enervated us, +we are getting languid and dull. + +If I am to believe the Scotch, with whom I have talked on the subject, +it is not dancing that they object to, it is the fashion in which people +dance nowadays. They admire the contre-dance and minuet, but consider it +improper that a man should whirl round a room with a half-dressed lady +in his arms. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + + The Wisdom of Scotland. -- Proverbs. -- Morals in Words and + Morals in Deeds. -- Maxims. -- The Scot is a Judge of Human + Nature. -- Scotch and Norman Proverbs compared. -- Practical + Interpretation of a Passage of the Bible. + + +In a country where everyone moralises, one may expect to find a great +number of proverbs, those time-honoured oracles of the wisdom of +nations. + +And, indeed, Scotland, the home of moral phrases _par excellence_, owns +more than three thousand proverbs. + +These proverbs show up all the characteristics of the Scotch people, +their prudence, caution, sagacity, self-confidence, and knowledge of +human nature. + +Several of them are not exclusively Scotch, whatever the Scotch people +may say. We have, in Normandy, many which may differ slightly in the +wording, but which express the same ideas, a fact which shows once more +how many traits of character the Scot has in common with the Norman. + +Here are a few: + +_Mony smas mak a muckle._ The French say "Little streams make big +rivers." + +_Anes payit never cravit_ (no more debts, no more bothers). The French +go further when they say: "A man is the richer for paying his debts." I +am afraid the truth of this adage might fail to strike the Scotchman at +first sight. The only privilege of a proverb is to be incontestable. +This French proverb smacks of the sermon, it oversteps the mark. + +_A cat may look at a king._ One man is as good as another. This +illustrates the independence of the Scotch character. + +_Be a frien' to yoursel', an sae will ithers._ "Help yourself and Heaven +will help you." + +_We'll bark oursels ere we buy dogs sae dear._ A good maxim of political +economy: "Don't pay others to do what you can do for yourself." + +_A' Stuarts are na sib to the King_: All Stuarts are not related to the +King. The French say: "The frock does not make the monk." + +_Guid folk are scarce, tak care o' me._ The Normans say: "Good folks are +scarce in the parish, take care of me." + +_He that cheats me ance, shame fa' him; he that cheats me twice, shame +fa' me._ A proverb that well illustrates Scotch caution. + +The fear of the devil has inspired many Scotch proverbs, which are in +constant use still. + +_The de'il's nae sae ill as he's caaed._ A delicate little compliment to +his Satanic Majesty: the Scot is right, one never knows what may happen, +it is as well to make friends with the mammon of unrighteousness. A +personage who receives so few compliments is likely to remember with +pleasure the folks who pay them. + +The same neat spirit of flattery is visible in the following proverb: + +_It's a sin to lee on the de'il._ + +_The de'il's bairns hae de'il's luck, and the de'il's aye gude to his +ain_, are used to hurl at people who excite jealousy by their success. + +Scotch sarcasm is well illustrated in such a proverb as: + +_Ye wad do little for God gin the de'il war deid._ This is reducing the +_unco' guid_ to the level of devil dodgers. + +_It's ill to wauken sleepin' dogs._ This is rather hard on the dog, who +certainly cannot be considered the emblem of wickedness and hypocrisy. +In France we say: "Do not waken the sleeping cat," and I think with more +show of reason. + +The following is full of poetry: + +_The evening bring a' hame._ The evening brings the family together +around the hearth, and in the evening of life man turns his thoughts +homewards, forgets the faults of his neighbours, and lays aside disputes +and strivings. + +_Let him tak a spring on his ain fiddle_, says a proverb that +illustrates the coolness with which Donald will bide his time. A lawyer, +who had to listen to an eloquent tirade of an opponent in court, +contented himself with remarking: "Aweel, aweel, sir, you're welcome to +a tune on your ain fiddle; but see if I dinna gar ye dance till't afore +it's dune." + +The same idea occurs in: + +_Ne'er let on but laugh i' your ain sleeve._ + +_A travelled man has leave to lee_: Folks will not go to far countries +to prove his words. O Tartarin de Tarascon! + +_Better learn by your neighbour's skaith than your ain skin._ So might +Cleopatra have said when she tried the effect of poisons on her slaves +before making her own choice. + +_Drink little that ye may drink lang_, is a piece of advice Donald has +well laid to heart, only he has modified the first part considerably. + + * * * * * + +I think I have quoted enough proverbs to prove that the Scot has the +measure of his neighbour, and knows how to make use of him. + +Most of them have a smack of realism which shows that Donald has a +serious aim in life, that of being a successful man. + +Even the use he makes of the precepts of the Bible proves it. He uses +his Bible, but adapts to his purpose the lessons he finds therein. + +The Bible is his servant rather than his master, and has this good about +it, that with a little cleverness it can be made to prove anything. + +If he sometimes come across a precept which is perfectly clear and +irrefutable, Donald does not scruple to ignore it. + +I was talking with a Scotchman one evening about the different religions +of the world, and I remarked to him that when the Mussulmans call us +"dogs of Christians," it is not because we are Christians, for they are +admirers of the Christian religion, but simply because we do not follow +the precepts of Christianity. + +"The Mussulmans are quite right," I said, "Christianity is the grandest +thing in the world; but Christians are mostly 'Pharisees and hypocrites' +who believe little in their religion and act up to it still less." + +He, on the contrary, maintained that Christians were no less admirable +than their faith, that they followed the precepts contained in the +Sermon on the Mount to the letter, and finally that of all Christians +the Scotch were the cream. + +We argued long without either of us convincing the other, and I must +admit that my host, who was a much cleverer theologian than myself, had +the last word. + +In taking leave of him that night, I was bold enough to return to the +charge. "Come, my dear sir," I began, "if we receive a blow on our right +cheek, the Scriptures command us to offer our left also. If a man struck +you on the right cheek, now what would you do?" + +"What would I do?" he said after drawing a great whiff at his pipe. +"What would I do? By Jove, I'd give him two that he wouldn't soon +forget, I can tell you!" + +I shook hands with my host, and retired in triumph. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + + Massacre Of The English Tongue. -- Donald The Friend Of France. + -- Scotch Anecdotes Again. -- Reason Of Their Drollery. -- + Picturesque Dialect. -- Dry Old Faces. -- A Scotch Chambermaid. + -- Oddly-placed Moustachios. -- My Chimney Smokes. -- Sarcastic + Spirit. -- A Good Chance Of Entering Paradise Thrown Away. -- + Robbie Burns And The Greenock Shopkeeper. + + +The Scotch may be recognised at the first word by the very strong,[F] +sonorous accent with which they speak English. It is like a German +accent with the _r_'s of the Normans. In the North of Scotland, the +accent is so Teutonic that one seems to be listening to Germans talking +English. The letters _b_, _d_, and _v_ are changed into _p_, _t_, and +_f_. The _ch_ is perfectly German at the end of a word, such as _loch_. +_Ght_ becomes _cht_, and is pronounced as in the German word _nacht_. + + [F] The Scotch dialect has sometimes been called the Doric of + Great Britain. + +Certainly there is nothing insurmountably difficult to understand in all +this; but that rogue of a Donald has a way of eating the ends of many of +his words, of running the mutilated remains in together with such +bewildering rapidity, and accompanying the whole with such a tremendous +rolling of _r_'s, that the stranger is completely staggered until his +ear grows accustomed to the jargon. + + * * * * * + +The English language is composed of about forty-three thousand words, +out of which fourteen thousand are of Germanic origin, and twenty-nine +thousand have come into it from the Latin through the Norman dialect. +But in Scotland you will hear the people using numbers of modern French +words, which are no part of the English vocabulary. These words are +remnants of the close relations that existed between France and Scotland +in the sixteenth century. They are mostly heard now in the mouths of the +older inhabitants. + +For nearly a hundred years past the English have been continually +borrowing words from us (a loan which we return with interest), but they +are words which will only be found in use among the upper classes. The +case is different in Scotland. There the French words were adopted by +the people, and it is the people that still use them, and not the better +educated classes, for these latter avoid them as vulgar. In a hundred +years they will probably have fallen into disuse. It may not therefore +be out of place to give here a list, which I think is pretty complete, +of the French words that form the last trace of an alliance which has +left to this day a very pronounced sentiment of affection for France in +the hearts of the Scotch. + +There were doubtless many others in use formerly, but I have collected +only those which may still be heard in everyday use among the Scotch +populace: + + SCOTCH. ENGLISH. FRENCH. + + Ashet Dish Assiette + Aumrie Cupboard Armoire + Bonnaille Parting glass Bon aller + Bourd Jest Bourde + Braw Fine Brave + Caraff Decanter Carafe + Certy Certainly Certes + Dambrod Draught board Dames + Dementit Derange Démentir + Dorty Sulky Dureté + Douce Mild Doux + Dour Obstinate Dur + Fash oneself (to) Get angry (to) Fācher (se) + Fashious Troublesome Fācheux + Gardy loo Look out Gardez l'eau (gare l'eau) + Gardyveen Wine bin Garde-vin + Gean Cherry Guigne + Gigot Leg of mutton Gigot + Gou Taste Goūt + Grange Granary Grange + Grosserts Gooseberries Groseilles + Gysart Disguised Guise + Haggis Hatched meat Hachis + Hogue Tainted Haut goūt + Jalouse (to) Suspect Jalouser + Jupe Skirt Jupe + Kimmer Gossip Commčre + Mouter Mixture of corn Mouture + Pantufles Slippers Pantoufles + Pertricks Partridges Perdrix + Petticoat tails Cakes Petits gatelles (gāteaux) + Pouch Pocket Poche + Prosh, madame Come, madam Aprochez, madame + Reeforts Radishes Raiforts + Ruckle Heap (of stones) Recueil + Serviter Napkin Serviette + Sucker Sugar Sucre + Tassie Cup Tasse + Ule Oi Huile + Verity Truth Vérité + Vizzy Aim Viser + +These are not, as may be seen, words borrowed from our milliners and +dressmakers; they are terms that express the necessaries of life, and +which the Scotch housewives have not yet forgotten. They prove in an +irrefutable manner that the two nations mixed and knew each other +intimately. + + * * * * * + +The language spoken by the Scotch lends itself to humour. Their +picturesque pronunciation gives their conversation a piquancy which +defies imitation. A Scotch anecdote told in Scotch language never misses +its effect. Tell it in English, or any other language, and it loses all +its raciness. + +As I have already remarked, the Scot does not seek to appear witty, +still less amusing, and there lies the charm. His remarks are not +intended to be quaint, but are intensely so. Their drollery lies in the +dialect and the combination of ideas. The Scotch are quick to seize the +humorous side of things, and that without being aware of it. Their +remarks are made with an imperturbable gravity, without a gesture, or +the movement of a muscle. + +I fancy I see still the old Scotch servant with whom I was speaking on +the subject of a fire which would not burn in my room at a hotel. All at +once she interrupted the conversation; she had just perceived, on the +top of my head, a somewhat solitary lock of hair. + +"Are ye growin' a moustache on the top o' your heid?" she exclaimed +without a smile. + +My first impulse was to bid her mind her business, and make my fire +draw. But though I disliked the familiarity, I saw immediately that the +good creature, a bony Scotchwoman of at least fifty summers, had not had +the least intention of joking me, still less of vexing me. Her stolid +expression, her quaint accent, to say nothing of the incongruous idea +that had come to her lips, it all diverted me intensely, and I laughed +well over it to the great astonishment of the worthy woman, who went +away grumbling at the fire which had proved very obdurate. + +The chimney continued to smoke horribly, and presently I rang the bell +again. + +The woman reappeared. + +"This chimney smokes atrociously still," I said. + +You should have seen her dry old face as she simply remarked: + +"Eh, mony a ane has complained o' that chimney." + +The familiarity of the Scotch servant is an old theme. The good humour +of the master in Scotland encourages familiarity in the servant, and the +fidelity of the latter causes it to be overlooked. + +I remember the dinner-gong had been sounded in a house where I was one +day visiting, and not being quite ready, I was still in my room. Someone +knocked at my door. It was an old servant. "Noo," said she, "it's time +to come doun to your dinner." + +Scotch wit is cutting, there is often a sarcastic thrust in it, +sometimes even a little spice of malice. + +You hear none of those good broad bulls, brimming over with innocence, +that are so amusing in the Irish; the Scotch witticisms are sharp +strokes that penetrate and strike home. + +Lunardi, the aeronaut, having made an ascent in his balloon at +Edinburgh, came down on the property of a Presbyterian minister in the +neighbourhood of Cupar. + +"We have been up a prodigious way," said the aeronaut to the minister; +"I really believe we must have been close to the gates of Paradise." + +"What a pity you did not go in!" replied the Scotchman, "you may never +be so near again." + +I might give numerous examples of this sarcastic wit that so often +underlies Scotch anecdotes. I will only cite one more. This time we have +Robert Burns for hero, and I extract the story from his biography: + +The celebrated poet was one day walking on Greenock pier, when a rich +tradesman, who happened to be there also, slipped and fell in the water. +Being unable to swim, he would have been drowned but for the bravery of +a sailor who threw himself, all dressed as he was, into the water, and +brought him to land. + +When the tradesman had regained consciousness and recovered from his +fright, he bethought himself that he ought to reward his rescuer. +Putting his hand in his pocket, he drew out a shilling, which he +generously presented to the brave sailor. + +The crowd that had gathered round in admiration of the sailor's heroic +act could not restrain its indignation. Protestations were followed by +hoots, and the object of their scorn came very near being returned to +the water--to learn his way about. + +Robbie Burns, however, succeeded in appeasing their wrath. + +"Calm yourselves," said he; "this gentleman is certainly a better judge +of his own value than you can be." + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + + The Staff of Life in Scotland. -- Money is round and flat. -- + Cheap Restaurants. -- Democratic Bill of Fare. -- Caution to the + Public. -- "Parritch!" -- The Secret of Scotland's Success. -- + The National Drink of Scotland. -- Scotch and Irish Whiskies. -- + Whisky a very slow Poison. -- Dean Ramsay's best Anecdote. + + +In Scotland, the staff of life is porridge, pronounced _parritch_ by the +natives. + +Porridge is served at breakfast in every Scotch home, from the castle to +the cottage. It is the first dish at breakfast, or the only one, +according to the income. + +Porridge is a food which satisfies and strengthens, and which, it seems, +is rich in bone-forming matter. + +Many a brave young Scotch undergraduate, with rubicund face and meagre +purse, breakfasts off a plate of porridge which he prepares for himself, +while _ces messieurs_ of Oxford breakfast like princes. + +I saw a labourer near Dumfries, who, on his wages of twelve shillings a +week, was bringing up a family of eight children, all of them robust and +radiant with health, thanks to porridge. The eldest, a fine fellow of +eighteen, had carried off a scholarship at Aberdeen University. In +England, no professional career would have been open to him. + +Few of the lower class English people will condescend to eat porridge; +they will have animal food twice a day, if they can get it, and beer or +other stimulants. Twenty years of prosperity and high wages have +spoiled, ruined the working class in England. Now wages have fallen, or +rather work has become scarce, and these people, who never thought of +saving anything in the days of their splendour, are plenty of them +lacking bread. They are not cured for all that. If you offered them +porridge, they would feel insulted. "It is workhouse food," they will +tell you. + +When the Scotch maidservant receives her wages, she goes and puts part +in the Savings Bank, like the French _bonne_ of the provinces. When the +English servant takes up hers, she straightway goes and buys a new hat +to get photographed in it. Money burns her pockets. + +Money is round, say the English, it was meant to roll; money is flat, +say the Scotch and the Normans, it was meant to be piled up. + +When he is in work, the workman of London, Manchester, Liverpool, +Birmingham, will spend three or four shillings a day on his keep; when +he is out of work, he stands about the tavern-door and whines for help. + +I visited one day, in Aberdeen, a restaurant where a copious repast was +being served for the modest sum of two pence a head. The room was full +of healthy-looking workmen, tidily dressed and busily doing honour to +the porridge and other items on the _menu_. + +The bill of fare for the week was posted up at the door. Here is a copy +of it: + + "_Monday_--Porridge, sausage and potato. + "_Tuesday_--Scotch broth, beef pie. + "_Wednesday_--Peasoup and ham. + "_Thursday_--Porridge, sausage and potato. + "_Friday_--Fish and potato. + "_Saturday_--Porridge, sausage and potato." + +A trifle monotonous, perhaps, this bill of fare, I own; but, at all +events, you will admit that for twopence the Aberdeen workman can have a +good square meal. + +What would the Parisians have given for this fare during the siege! + +On the walls, I observed the following notice: + +"The public are respectfully requested to pay in advance, so as to avoid +mistakes." + +"To avoid mistakes!" Thoroughly Scotch this little caution! + +I had always seen porridge eaten before the other food. So seeing a +worthy fellow ask that his porridge might be brought to him after his +sausage and potato, I made bold to ask him the explanation of it. + +"Do you take your porridge after your meat?" I enquired. + +"Ay, mon," he replied, "it's to chock up the chinks." + + * * * * * + +Ask a Scotch rustic what he takes for breakfast, and he will answer +proudly: + +"Parritch, mon!" + +And for dinner? + +"Parrritch!!" + +And for supper? + +"_Parrrritch!!!_" + +If he took a fourth meal, he would roll in another _r_; it is his way of +expressing his sentiments. + +I like people who roll their _r_'s: there is backbone in them. + + * * * * * + +Robert Burns, who has sung of the haggis and the whisky of his native +land, has only made indirect mention of porridge. He ought to have +consecrated to it an ode in several cantos. + +Porridge! it is the secret of the Scot's success. Try to compete with a +man who can content himself with porridge, when you must have your three +or four meals a day and animal food at two of them. + +It is porridge that gives a healthy body, cool head, and warm feet; + +Porridge promotes the circulation of the blood; + +It is porridge that calms the head after the libations of overnight. + +It is porridge that keeps the poor man from ending his days in the +Union. + +It is porridge that helps the son of the humble peasant to aspire to +the highest career, in allowing him to live on a scholarship at the +University; + +It is porridge that makes such men of iron as Livingstone and Gordon; + +And, above all, it is porridge that puts the different classes in +Scotland on a footing of equality once a day at least, and thus makes +of them the most liberal-minded people of Great Britain. + + * * * * * + +The national drink of Scotland is Scotch whisky. + +The Scotch will tell you that Irish whisky is no good; the Irish will +tell you that Scotch whisky is simply detestable. I have tasted both, +and, having no national prejudice on the point, have no hesitation in +saying that there is nothing to choose between them: both are horrible. + +Whisky may easily be obtained by dissolving a little soot in brandy. As +the coal-smoky taste is much more pronounced in the Scotch whisky than +in the Irish, I conclude that, in the latter, the dose is smaller. + +They say that of all alcoholic liquors whisky is the least injurious. By +"they" must be understood all the good folks who cannot do without this +beverage. There must, however, be truth in it, or Scotland and Ireland +must have been depopulated long since. And, as we know the Scotch +generally live to a good old age, and centenarians are not rare in the +Land o' Cakes, if whisky be a poison, it must be a slow one--a very slow +one. + + * * * * * + +The prettiest anecdote, in Dean Ramsay's _Reminiscences_, relates to +whisky, and I cannot refrain from quoting it. + +An old Scotch lady had just sent for her gardener to cut the grass on +her lawn. + +"Cut it short," she said to him; "mind, Donald, an inch at the bottom is +worth two at the top." + +Always the same way of speaking in moral sentences so common in +Scotland. + +The work done, the good lady offered Donald a glass of whisky, and +proceeded to pour it out, but showed sign of stopping before the top +was reached. + +"Fill it up, ma'am, fill it up," said the shrewd-witted fellow, "an inch +at the top is worth twa at the bottom." + + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + + Hors-d'oeuvre. -- A Word to the Reader and another to the + Critic. -- A Man who has a right to be proud. -- Why? + + +Here I pause, dear Reader. + +An idea has just come to my head, and for fear it might be lonely there, +I will impart it to you without delay. + +Now, to come at once to the sense of the matter, will you allow me for +once--for once only--to pay myself a compliment that I think I well +deserve? It is the word "Ireland," which I have just written in the +preceding chapter, that makes me think of addressing sincere +congratulations to myself. Forgive me for this little digression, it +will relieve me. + +I have written two books on England, a third on the relations between +England and France, and I shall soon have finished a volume of +recollections of Scotland. + +How many times I have had to write the words "England" and "Ireland," I +could not say; but I affirm that I have not once--no, not once--spoken +of "Perfidious Albion" or the "Emerald Isle." + +"Indeed!" and "What of that?" you will perhaps exclaim. + +Well, whatever you may say, I assure you that if ever a man had a right +to feel proud of himself, I have. + +More than once have I been tempted, once or twice I have had to make an +erasure, but I am the first who has triumphed over the difficulty. + +Come, dear Critic, if thou wilt be amiable, here is an occasion. Admit +that a Frenchman, who can write fourteen or fifteen hundred pages on the +subject of England, without once calling her "Perfidious Albion," is a +man who is entitled to thy respect and thy indulgence for the thousand +and one shortcomings of which he knows himself to be guilty. + +There, I feel better now. Let us now go and see Donald's big _touns_. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + + Glasgow. -- Origin of the Name. -- Rapid Growth of the City. -- + St. Mungo's Injunction to Donald. -- James Watt and the Clyde. + -- George Square. -- Exhibition of Sculpture in the open Air. -- + Royal Exchange. -- Wellington again. -- Wanted an Umbrella. -- + The Cathedral. -- How it was saved by a Gardener. -- The + Streets. -- Kelvingrove Park. -- The University. -- The Streets + at Night. -- The Tartan Shawls a Godsend. -- The Populace. -- + Pity for the poor little Children. -- Sunday Lectures in + Glasgow. -- To the Station, and let us be off. + + +If, as Shelley has said, "Hell is a city much like London," Glasgow must +be very much like the dungeon where Satan shuts up those who do not +behave themselves. + +The word "Glasgow" is of Celtic origin, and, it appears, means _Sombre +Valley_. + +The town has not given the lie to its name. + +I have travelled from the south of England to the north of Scotland; +I have seen every corner of the great towns, and I do not hesitate to +give the palm to Glasgow: it is the dirtiest, blackest, most +repulsive-looking nest that it was ever given to man to inhabit. + +I am bound to say that the Scotch themselves, so justly proud of their +old Scotland, dare not take it upon themselves to defend Glasgow: they +give it over to the visitor, not, however, without having added, as a +kind of extenuating circumstance: + +"There is money in it." + + * * * * * + +At the time of the Reformation, Glasgow was but an insignificant little +town with five thousand inhabitants. At the commencement of this century +it contained about eight thousand. To-day it is the most important city +of Scotland, a city which holds, including the suburbs, very nearly a +million souls, tortured by the passion for wealth or by misery and +hunger. + +If the importance of the place is recent, the place itself dates back +more than thirteen centuries. It was indeed in 560 that Saint Mungo +founded a bishopric there, and no doubt, to try the faith of Donald, +whom he had just converted to Christianity, he said to him, as he put an +umbrella into his hands with strict injunctions never to part with it: + +"For thy sins, Donald, here shalt thou dwell." + +Glasgow is the home of iron and coal. Coal underground, coal in the air, +coal on people's faces, coal everywhere! + +There rise thousands of high chimneys, vomiting flames and great clouds +of smoke, which settle down on the town and, mixing with the humidity of +the streets, form a black, sticky mud that clogs your footsteps. No one +thinks of wearing elastic-side boots. They would go home with naked +feet if they did. Glasgow people wear carmen's boots, strongly fastened +on with leather laces. + +I assure you that if you were to fall in the street, you would leave +your overcoat behind when you got up. + + * * * * * + +The neighbourhood of the sea and the Clyde has been, and still is, a +source of prosperity and opulence to the town; and here it behoves me to +speak of the Scotch energy, which has made of this stream a river +capable of giving anchorage to vessels drawing twenty-four feet of +water. + +In 1769, the illustrious James Watt was directed to examine the river. +At that time small craft could scarcely enter the river even at high +water. Watt indeed found that, at low tide, the rivulet--for it was +nothing else--had but a depth of one foot two inches, and at high tide +never more than three feet three inches. + +To-day you may see the largest ironclads afloat there. This gigantic +enterprise cost no less than £10,300,000. + +It was on the Clyde that Henry Bell, in 1812, launched the first +steamboat. Since then the banks of the Clyde have been lined with vast +shipbuilding yards, which turn out from four to five hundred vessels a +year. + +Glasgow always had a taste for smoke. Before the war of American +Independence, this town had the monopoly of the tobacco commerce. +Colossal fortunes were realised over the importation of the Virginian +weed in the end of the last century. At present Glasgow trades in coal, +machinery, iron goods, printed calico, etc. + +The Glasgow man has been influenced by his surroundings. The climate is +dull and damp, the man is obstinate and laborious; the ground contains +coal and iron for the Clyde to carry to sea, and so the man is a trader. + +And, indeed, what is there to be done in Glasgow but work? Out-of-door +life is interdicted, so to speak; gaiety is out of the question; +everything predisposes to industry and thought. People divide their time +between work and prayer, the kirk and the counting-house; such is life +in Glasgow. + + * * * * * + +And now let us take a stroll, or rather let us walk, for a stroll +implies pleasure, and I certainly cannot promise you that. + +The most striking feature of Glasgow is George Square. It is large, and +literally crowded with statues, a regular carnival. It looks as if the +Glasgow folks had said: "We must have some statues, but do not, for all +that, let us encumber the streets with them; let us keep them out of the +way in a place to themselves. If a visitor likes to go and look at them, +much good may it do him." At a certain distance the effect is that of a +cemetery, or picture to yourself Madame Tussaud's exhibition _ą la belle +étoile_. + +When I say _ą la belle étoile_, it is but a figure of speech in Glasgow. + +In this exhibition of sculpture, I discover Walter Scott, Robert Burns, +David Livingstone, James Watt, Prince Albert, Queen Victoria, Thomas +Campbell, and Sir Robert Peel. Some are on foot, some on horseback. +There are none driving, but there is Scott who, in the centre of this +Kensal Green, is perched on the summit of a column eighty feet high. It +is enough to make the tallest chimney of the neighbourhood topple over +with envy. By dint of a little squeezing, it would be easy to make room +for a dozen more statues. + +In Queen's Street, quite close to George Square, we find the Royal +Exchange--an elegant building in the Corinthian style--in front of which +stands an equestrian statue of gigantic dimensions. + +It is Wellington--the inevitable, the eternal, the everlasting +Wellington. + +Oh, what a bore that Wellington is! + +This statue was erected at the expense of the town for a sum of £10,000. + +Wellington will never know what he has cost his compatriots. + +Let us go up George Street, turn to the left by High Street, towards the +north-east, and we shall come to the Cathedral, the only one which the +fanatic vandalism of the Puritans spared. I was told in Scotland that +this is how it escaped. The Puritans had come to Glasgow in 1567 to +destroy the Cathedral of Saint Mungo. But a gardener, a practical Scot +of the neighbourhood, reasoned with them in the following manner: + +"My friends, you are come with the meritorious intention of destroying +this temple of popery. But why destroy the edifice? It will cost a mint +of money to build such another. Could not you use this one and worship +God in it after our own manner?" + +The Puritans, who were Scots too, saw the force of the argument and the +cathedral was saved. + +The edifice is gothic, and very handsome. I recommend especially the +crypt, under the choir. The windows are most remarkable. + +Around the cathedral is a graveyard containing fine monuments. I read on +a tablet, put up in commemoration of the execution of nine covenanters +(1666-1684) the following inscription, which shows once more how they +forgive in Scotland. Here is the hint to the persecutors: + + "_They'll know at resurrection day + To murder saints was no sweet play._" + +Let us return down High Street as far as Argyle Street, the great artery +of Glasgow. + +After a few minutes' walking, we come to Buchanan Street, the +fashionable street of Glasgow--I mean the one which contains the +fashionable shops, the Regent Street of this great manufacturing city. +The houses are well-built, I do not say tastefully, but solidly. This +might be said indeed of the whole town: it is dirty, but substantial. +Let us push on to Sanchyhall Street, and there turn to the west. We +presently come to the park of Kelvingrove, undulating, well laid out, +and surrounded with pretty houses: it is the only part of Glasgow which +does not give you cold shivers. Among the well-kept paths, flowerbeds, +and ponds, you forget the coal-smoke for awhile. At the end of the park +runs the Kelvin, a little stream which you cross to get to Gilmore Hill, +on the summit of which stand the buildings of the university. The +interior of these buildings is magnificent. + +The Bute Hall is one of the finest halls I ever saw: 108 feet long, 75 +broad, and 70 high. A splendid library and all the comfortable +accessories, which they are careful to supply studious youth with in +this country. The university cost more than half-a-million. With the +exception of a few other parks--which, however, cannot be compared to +those of London--there is nothing more to be seen in Glasgow, and if +your business is transacted, go to your hotel, strap your luggage, and +be off. + +But if you prefer it, we will arm ourselves with umbrellas and return to +the streets, and see what kind of people are to be met there. + +That which strikes one at a first visit, is that from five in the +afternoon almost every respectable-looking person has disappeared, and +the town seems given over to the populace. Like the City proper in +London, Glasgow is only occupied by the superior classes during business +hours. From four to five o'clock there is a general stampede towards the +railway stations. The _employé_, who earns two or three hundred a year, +has his villa or cottage in the suburbs. The rich merchant, the +engineer, the ironmaster, all these live far from the city. + +The streets of Glasgow, from six or seven in the evening, are entirely +given up to the manufacturing population--the dirtiest and roughest to +be seen anywhere, I should think. + +I have seen poverty and vice in Paris, in London, in Dublin, and +Brussels, but they are nothing to compare to the spectacle that Glasgow +presents. It is the living illustration of some unwritten page of Dante. + +"But there is money in Glasgow." + + * * * * * + +The lower-class women of London do wear a semblance of a toilette: fur +mantles in rags, battered, greasy hats with faded flowers, flounced +skirts in tatters--an apology for a costume, in short. + +But here, there is nothing of all that. No finery, not even a hat. The +tartan seems to take the place of all. + +The attributions of this tartan are multiple. It is as useful to the +women of the lower classes in the great Scotch towns as the reindeer is +to the Laplander. + +This tartan serves them as a hood when it is cold; as an umbrella when +it rains; as a blanket in winter nights; as a mattress in summer ones; +as a basket when they go to market; a towel when they do their own and +their children's dry-polishing; a cradle for their babies, which they +carry either slung over their back, Hottentot fashion, or hanging in +front, like the kangaroos. When poverty presses hard, the tartan goes to +the pawnbroker's shop, whence it issues in the form of a sixpence or a +shilling, according to its value. After living in them they live on +them, and so these useful servants pass from external to internal use, +and appease the hunger or thirst of their owners for a day or two. A +very godsend this tartan, as you see. + +A Glasgow police inspector told me that, having one day to make a search +at a pawnbroker's in the town, he had found more than fifteen hundred of +these shawls on the premises. "Many of those poor borrowers are Irish," +he said. Did he say this to pass on to a neighbour that which seemed to +him a disgrace to his own country? In any case, it is a fact that there +are a great number of Irish in Glasgow. + +No doubt poverty, with its accompaniments of shame and vice, exists in +all great cities; but here it has a distressing aspect that it presents +in no other country. The Arab beggar makes one smile as he majestically +drapes around him his picturesque, multicoloured rags; the lazzarone, +lying on the quay of Naples under the radiant Italian sky, is a prince +compared to the wretch who drags out his existence in the dirty streets +or garrets of Glasgow. + +"But there is money in Glasgow." + +In Paris, the newspapers are sold in shops or pretty kiosks kept by +clean, tidy, respectable women. In London and other large English towns, +the papers are cried in the streets by low-class men and boys. In +Glasgow and Edinburgh the work is done by ragged children, who literally +besiege you as you walk the streets: poor little girls half-naked, +shivering, and starving, with their feet in the mud, try to earn a few +pence to appease their own hunger, or, perhaps, furnish an unnatural +parent with the means of getting tipsy. Others have a little stock of +matches that they look at with an envious eye, one fancies, as one +thinks of Andersen's touching tale. + +Oh, pity for the poor little children! + +In a country so Christian, so philanthropic, can it be that childhood is +abandoned thus? Asylums for the aged are to be seen in plenty, and is +not youth still more interesting than age, and must it needs commit some +crime before it has the right to enter some house of refuge? + +I cannot tell you how sad the sight of those poor little beings, +forsaken of God and man, made me feel. + +But how shall I describe my feelings when, having drawn the attention of +a Scotchman who was with me to one of these pitiful little creatures, I +heard him say: + +"Do not stop, the immorality of those children is awful." + +No, it is not possible; it must be a bad dream, a hideous nightmare. + +"It is a fact," said my companion, who knows Glasgow as he knows +himself. + +"But there is money in it." + +It seems incomprehensible that these children should not be reclaimed, +still more incomprehensible that no one seeks to do it. The money spent +in statues of Wellington would more than suffice, and the Iron Duke +would be none the worse off in Paradise. + +Yes, this is what may be seen in Glasgow, in that city so pious, that to +calm the feelings of some of the inhabitants, the literary and +scientific lectures which used to be given to the people on Sunday +evenings in Saint Andrew's Hall have had to be discontinued. + +Heaven be thanked, Glasgow is not Scotland, and we can go and rejoice +our eyes in Edinburgh, Aberdeen, Braemar, and elsewhere, and admire the +lakes and the blue mountains. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + + Edinburgh -- Glasgow's Opinion thereof, and vice versā. -- High + Street. -- The old Town. -- John Knox's House. -- The old + Parliament House. -- Holyrood Palace. -- Mary Stuart. -- + Arthur's Seat. -- The University. -- The Castle. -- Princes + Street. -- Two Greek Buildings. -- The Statues. -- Walter Scott. + -- The inevitable Wellington again. -- Calton Hill. -- The + Athens of the North and the modern Parthenon. -- Why did not the + Scotch buy the ancient Parthenon of the modern Greeks? -- Lord + Elgin. -- The Acropolis of Edinburgh. -- Nelson for a Change. + + +A railway journey of an hour and ten minutes transports you from +darkness into light. You leave Glasgow in gloom, wrapped in its eternal +winding-sheet of fog and mud, and you arrive at Edinburgh to find clean +streets, pure air, and a clear beautiful sky. Such at least was my own +experience, six times repeated. The prospect delights the eyes and +heart; your lungs begin to do their work easily; you breathe freely once +more, and once more feel glad to be alive. + +You alight at Waverley Station in the centre of the city. You cannot do +better than go straightway and take up your quarters at the Royal Hotel, +Princes Street, opposite the gigantic Gothic monument erected to Walter +Scott. Ask for a room looking on the street. Take possession of it +without delay, and open your window: the sight that will meet your gaze +is truly enchanting. At your feet, the most elegant street imaginable. +No houses opposite: only large gardens, beautifully kept, sloping +gracefully away to the bottom of a valley, whence the ground rises +almost perpendicularly, bearing on its summit houses of a prodigious +height. It is the old town of Edinburgh, where everything will bring +back memories of Mary Stuart and the novels of Scott. On the right the +famous castle perched on a sheer rock nearly four hundred feet high; the +whole bathed in a blue-grey haze that forms a light veil to soften its +colouring and contour. It is impossible to imagine a more romantic sight +in the midst of a large modern city. + +Whether your tastes be archęological or artistic, you will be able to +satisfy them in one of the two towns of Edinburgh, the old city to the +south, or the modern town to the north. + +The Glasgow folks say there is not much money made in Edinburgh, and +speak of the place with a certain contempt, which the Edinburgh people +return with interest. + +It is always amusing to hear the dwellers in neighbouring towns run each +other down: Manchester and Liverpool, Brighton and Hastings. The nearer +the rival towns are to each other, the livelier and more diverting is +the jealousy. Go and ask a Saint-Malo man what he thinks of +Saint-Servan, and _vice versā_! + +"Ah! you are going to Edinburgh," the Glasgow people say to you; "it is +full of snobs, who give themselves airs and are as poor as Job. Ours is +a substantial place, sir. We've no time to waste on nonsense here; we go +in for commerce and manufactures." + +"Ah! you have just come from Glasgow," say the Edinburgh people. "What +do you think of the illiterate parvenus that are for ever rattling their +money bags? You will find no worship of the golden calf here; we +cultivate the beautiful, and go in for science and literature, not +manufactures; our town is essentially one of learning." + +This is true. Edinburgh is one of the most important intellectual +centres of the world, and its celebrated university, and learned +societies, have justly earned for it the appellation of "the Athens of +the North," a name which this unique city deserves also on account of +its natural features, the style in which it is built, and the numerous +monuments it possesses. + + * * * * * + +Edinburgh has a population of 350,000 inhabitants, including the sentry +at Holyrood Palace. + +According to d'Anville, the city stands on the site of the Roman station +of Alata Castra. Towards the year 626 the fortress became the residence +of Edwin, King of Northumbria, who gave it his name. + +The old city was entirely destroyed by fire in 1537. That which now +bears the name of _old town_ dates from the end of the sixteenth century +and the beginning of the seventeenth. + +The modern part of Edinburgh was begun at the close of last century, and +the handsomest streets are of a quite recent date. + +_A tout seigneur tout honneur._ Let us commence our inspection by a +visit to Holyrood Palace. + +I should like to transform this little volume into a guide-book, and +give you the history of all the houses we are passing, as we go through +the old town, for almost every one has its history. There on your left +is the house of John Knox, with its flight of steps, its overhanging +stories, and, over the door, the inscription, "Love God above all, and +your neighbour as yourself." Here is the house where Cromwell decided on +the execution of Charles I.; there Hume and Smollett wrote history. + +At the end of Canongate, the prolongation of High Street, we come out on +a large open square. The palace of Holyrood is before us. + +Standing in a hollow, and surrounded by high hills, the aspect of the +palace is most sombre. From the moment you cross the threshold, a +thousand sad thoughts assail you. You are in the home of Mary Stuart. +Everything speaks to you of her. Her sweet, tragic face, her noble +presence, her thoughtful brow--you see all again in these halls instinct +with her souvenir. They haunt the place as they still haunt the memory +of the Scotch. In spite of her bigotry, in spite of all the crimes +historians have imputed to her, the Scotch cherish her memory, think +only of her misfortunes and sufferings, and will not hear you speak of +her with anything but respect. One may easily imagine the ascendency +which this woman must have had over those who came in contact with her. + +But let us go in, and first we must get our sixpences ready; for in this +country, where _l'hospitalité se donne_, you must pay everywhere, and on +entering too, for fear you may not be pleased when you come out: _to +avoid misunderstandings_, as the Scotch put it. + +On the first floor we enter the picture gallery. It is here that the +Scotch peers are elected. The room contains portraits of the Scottish +kings, from Fergus I. to James VII. At the end of it we find a door +which leads to the apartments occupied by the unfortunate princess. +Small windows throw a feeble light on the sombre tapestries; though the +day is fine, it is difficult to distinguish the various objects of +furniture. There is an air of mystery about the place. Poor Mary! After +the gay French court, what a tomb must this palace have seemed! Between +two windows is a little mirror that must often have reflected back the +image of that beautiful countenance, stamped with sadness, the fair head +that was one day to roll at the feet of the executioner. Close by, a +portrait which must be a libel on so gracious an original. At the two +extremities of the bedroom two little closets--I had almost said, +cells--formed in the towers which overhang from the outside. The one on +the left is the dressing-room; that on the right the supper-room. Near +the latter a door leads to the secret staircase. You can reconstruct for +yourself the scene of the murder of the favourite Italian secretary, who +paid with his blood for the honour of having now and then cheered the +heart of the queen with his songs. On the floor of the audience-room you +are shown the stains of the unhappy Rizzio's blood. It was here, too, +that Chastelard, grandson of Bayard, declared his love to his royal +mistress, whom he had accompanied to Scotland on her departure from the +French court. Poor Chastelard! he, too, payed with his life for the love +which the enchantress had inspired in him, not for this first +declaration, which was forgiven him, but for a graver offence, committed +at Rossend Castle, of which I shall have occasion to speak presently. + +A visit to Holyrood always leaves a painful impression. It is the temple +of misfortune, and I can understand Queen Victoria's preference for the +bright breezy Highlands. + +On our return through Canongate and High Street, we shall come to the +Castle. Without going much out of our way, we can go and see the +Parliament House and the University; but first, let us go to the summit +of Arthur's Seat, a hill eight hundred and twenty-two feet high, +situated behind the Palace of Holyrood. The ascent is not difficult, +and the magnificence of the panorama that meets the eyes is beyond +description. + +The House where the Scotch Parliament met before the union of the Scotch +and English Crowns, is now transformed into Courts of Law. This building +is interesting not only on account of the souvenirs it evokes, but also +on account of the hopes it keeps alive in the hearts of the Scotch. +Before many years have elapsed, the representatives of Scotland will +probably sit there to manage the local affairs of the nation. + +Edinburgh University, which dates from the year 1582, is the finest +edifice of the kind in Europe: two hundred and fifty-five feet long, by +three hundred and fifty-eight broad. A library of one hundred and fifty +thousand volumes (sixpence entrance). Rare manuscripts. Magnificent +lecture rooms. Over three thousand students work under most eminent +professors. + +Facing the University is the Museum of Arts and Science. For a list of +the innumerable treasures it contains, I must refer the reader to guides +to Scotland. + +The Royal Infirmary, with its numerous buildings, in the midst of which +rises a tower thirty-three feet high, arrests our attention a few +moments. From here we can turn down High Street to admire the Cathedral +of Saint Giles, so full of souvenirs of the Reformation, and then +continue our course up the great street of the old city, as far as the +famous Edinburgh Castle, a feudal edifice standing on the summit of a +perpendicular rock, from whence you can survey the old and new towns. + +The Crown Room contains the insignia of the Scottish sovereigns. Close +to it is the room where Mary Stuart gave birth to the son who was to +unite the crowns of England and Scotland. In this rapid glimpse of +Edinburgh, it would be out of place to enter into all the history of the +Castle, the sieges it has stood, and so on. Historical castles all +resemble each other a little; but that which makes the interest of this +one unique is its marvellous position: the sixteenth century at your +right; the hills and the sea beyond; on your left, the parks; in front, +nearly four hundred feet below you, the beautiful modern town, with its +elegant buildings, straight, wide streets, and its statues; a little in +the distance, Calton Hill, with its Greek monuments; beyond again, Leith +with its harbour bristling with masts; you are chained to the spot in +admiration. + +Following the castle terrace, we will descend towards the new town, and +come out at the west of Princes Street. + +We are walking towards the East. On our left, we shall have the shops; +on our right, the public gardens, a mixture of _Boulevard des Italiens_ +and _Champs Elysées_. Everything here is in perfect taste. Look at the +statues judiciously placed about the public gardens, streets, and +squares! + +O George Square! + +Here is a shop-window full of photographs. Let us stop and look in: they +are not portraits of actresses and fashionable beauties, but chiefly of +professors of the University, of which Edinburgh is so proud. Remarkable +among them is Professor Blackie, his fine head recalling a likeness of +Lizst. It was this same Professor Blackie on whom the people of Glasgow +made such an attack about two years ago, for having given, one Sunday in +Saint Andrew's Hall, a most charming and poetical discourse on the Songs +of Scotland. + +The sweep of the public gardens on the right is agreeably broken by two +specimens of the most elegant Greek architecture: they are the buildings +of the Royal Institution and the National Gallery. Nothing could be more +graceful, more Attic, than these twin structures. The first contains +thousands of national relics, from the pulpit of Knox to the Ribbon of +the Garter worn by Prince Charles Stuart. The second is an admirable +museum of painting and sculpture. + +The most striking monument of Princes Street is the one which was +erected to Walter Scott in 1844. It has the form of a Gothic steeple, +and is not less than two hundred feet high. It resembles somewhat the +Albert Memorial in Hyde Park, but with this difference, that, while +designed with ten times as much taste, it cost about a tenth of the +money. The novelist's heroes and heroines are gracefully placed in the +niches; the author himself is seated in an attitude of contemplation in +the midst of his creations. Now for the comic side of the thing. A +staircase conducts to the summit of the monument, to which you may mount +for the sum of twopence. + +On the East of Princes Street are two very fine buildings--the Post +Office and the Register Office, or resting-place of the national +archives. This latter building has a magnificent flight of steps, in +front of which is an equestrian statue--you guess whose, of course: the +inevitable, the eternal, the never-to-be-sufficiently-paraded. + +What a bore that creature is! + +I am quite willing to admit that Wellington did exist, and that he +rendered his country service; but is that a reason for turning him into +a bore? He is a very nightmare! + +Napoleon, surely, was as great a general as Wellington. We have placed +him on the top of the Vendome Column, but we had the good taste not to +stick him up in every provincial city. + +That is true, you will perhaps say; but Wellington saved his country, +whereas Napoleon ruined his. That is not my opinion; but we will not +argue. + +Joan of Arc saved France. We have her statue at Domrémy, where she was +born; at Orleans, where she handed over to her king his kingdom; and at +Rouen, where she suffered death. + +I should understand every Scotch town having a statue of Burns, and +another of Scott. These two geniuses personify Scotland; they remind +the Scotch that Scotland is a nation, with a literature of her own; +they keep up patriotism in every heart. But what did Wellington do for +Scotland? If, in 1840, for instance, the Scotch had asked the English to +give them their national rights and their parliament, Wellington is +probably the general who would have gone to reduce them to order. + +But let us say no more about it. We will continue our walk to the end of +Princes Street. Here we are at the foot of Calton Hill. By means of +flights of steps and paths we pass the Observatory, and reach the top, +to see the monument erected to Nelson's memory (threepence entrance). + +Between this monument and the Observatory, there stands a reproduction +of the Parthenon. This is what chiefly suggested the idea of calling +Edinburgh the Athens of the North. Calton Hill does its best to play the +part of the Acropolis. But, unhappily, this Parthenon, built to +commemorate the victory of Waterloo, remains unfinished for want of +funds. It is true that this lends it a ruined look, which does not give +a bad effect to the scene. But £20,000 to make a ruin is dear. In that +time the Greeks would have sold the Scots the real Parthenon for half +the money. Half the money! What am I talking about? for a timepiece. Go +to the British Museum and see what Lord Elgin got for a clock: the +marbles and frieze of the Parthenon, the bas-reliefs of Phidias, columns +from the temple of Diana at Ephesus, the epitaph of the Athenians who +died at Potidoea, the bas-reliefs of the temple of Ęgina. Lord Elgin was +a business-like Scotchman. In 1816 the English bought his collection of +him for £36,000. They would not sell it to-day for £500,000. + +Going round the Acropolis we will descend near the High School, the most +important school in Edinburgh, opposite which stands the monument to +Robert Burns (twopence entrance). It is rather insignificant-looking, +and reminds one of that erected by the Athenians in memory of +Lysicrates. Cost, £2,600. + +I pass over many museums and institutions; but I hope I have succeeded +in showing that Edinburgh is a place to be seen, and quite repays one +for the trouble of a long journey. + +And now let us see what kind of people one meets in the streets of +Edinburgh. After that, I will ask your permission to take you across the +Firth of Forth, and show you a castle little known in England, where I +hope we shall be able to pass a little time pleasantly. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + + Where are the Scotch? -- Something wanting in the Landscape. -- + The Inhabitants. -- The Highlanders and the Servant Girls. -- + Evening in Princes Street. -- Leith and the Firth of Forth. -- + Rossend Castle at Burntisland. -- Mary Stuart once more. -- I + receive Scotch Hospitality in the Bedroom where Chastelard was + as enterprising as unfortunate. + + +With the exception of the famous tartan shawls, which we come across +again in Edinburgh on the backs of the lower-class women, nothing in the +costume of the inhabitants could remind you that you were not in Paris, +London, Brussels, or any other haunt of that badge of modern +civilisation, the chimney-pot. In Glasgow this does not shock you more +than it would in Manchester or Birmingham; but, in the romantic city of +Edinburgh, even the whistle of the railway engine annoys you; the cap +and kilt are sadly felt wanting, and you almost want to stop the +passers-by and ask them: "Where are your kilts?" You feel as if you were +cheated out of something. + +Alas! the national costume of the Scotch is almost a thing of the past: +it is no longer a dress--it is a get-up. + +You may see it yet at fancy dress balls, in the army of Her Britannic +Majesty, at the Paris Opera-Comique, and in the comic papers. + +I believe the Royal Princes occasionally don it, when they go to +Scotland in the autumn to shoot; but even in the remote Highlands the +national costume is dying out, and if you count upon seeing Scotchmen, +dressed Scotch fashion in Scotland, you will be disappointed. As well +look for lions in the outskirts of Algiers, or a pretty woman in the +streets of Berne. + +A gentleman in kilts would make as great a sensation in the streets of +Edinburgh as he would on the Boulevard des Italiens. Nay, more, if he +stood still, he might have pence offered him. + +The costume of _Dickson_ in _La Dame Blanche_ is only seen on the backs +of those splendid Highlanders whom the maidservants in large towns hire +by the afternoon on Sundays to accompany them to the parks. + +In London you will sometimes see Highlanders--from Whitechapel--playing +the bagpipes and dancing reels, talents which bring an ample harvest of +pennies in populous neighbourhoods, but which would fall rather flat in +Edinburgh. + +I cannot imagine anything much more picturesque than Princes Street at +night, when the old city in amphitheatre-shape, on the other side of the +valley, stands out from the sky which it seems to touch with its old +sombre majestic castle, and its houses ten or twelve stories high, +rising tier above tier up the side of the hill, and shining with a +thousand lights. I can understand that the inhabitants of Edinburgh +enjoy to come out in the evening and feast their eyes on the enchanting +sight, and this even in winter, when the street is a very funnel for the +east wind which blows across straight from the Scandinavian icebergs. + +Edinburgh is the only town in Great Britain, which I have visited, whose +streets are not shunned by respectable people at night. + + * * * * * + +A fine road about two miles long leads to Leith, which stands for Piręus +to the Scotch Athens. There, in the mud and smoke, dwells a population +of sixty thousand toil-stained folk, who contrast strongly with their +elegant neighbours of Edinburgh. There is nothing here to attract the +eye of the traveller, unless it be the harbour with its two piers--one +3,530, the other 3,123 feet long--where the inhabitants can go and +breathe the sea air, away from the noise and smoke of the town. + +Along the coast to the west, two miles from Leith, we come upon the +interesting village of Newhaven. Here we find a little world apart, +composed of fisherfolk, all related one to another, it is said. They +treat as Philistines all who did not first see the light in their +sanctuary, and the result is that they are constantly intermarrying. All +the men work at fishing. The women go to Edinburgh to sell what their +husbands catch, and bring back empty baskets and full pockets. These +worthy women would think they were robbing their dear village if they +bought the least thing in Edinburgh. Needless to say, the little +community prospers. To see the costume of the women, who, in no point +imitate the ridiculous get-up of their sisters in great towns; to see +the activity and zeal for their work, one would believe oneself in +France. + +"All the skippers own their own boats, and the pretty little houses they +live in," said the Scotchman who accompanied me. + +And how neat and clean they look, those little white houses covered with +climbing plants of all sorts! The whole scene speaks loudly of the work, +thrift, and order of the people. + +By pushing on two miles further we come to Granton. There we can take +the boat which will carry us over the Firth of Forth, and set us down at +Burntisland in Fifeshire; but instead of there taking the train to the +north of Scotland, we will stop to see Rossend Castle. + +Standing on a promontory, which dominates the Firth of Forth and the +hills of Edinburgh, Rossend Castle is one of the most romantic places in +Scotland. + +Its old square tower contains the bedroom used by Mary Stuart when she +travelled in Fifeshire, and stopped at the castle. The present owner, +whose hospitality is proverbial in the neighbourhood, has religiously +preserved the room intact. It is there just as it existed three hundred +years ago, with its two little turret-rooms, oak wainscoting, and a +thousand relics of its unhappy visitor. + +The portrait of Mary Stuart at Rossend is the most striking that I saw +in Scotland. Placed over the mantelpiece, it seems to fill the room with +its dreamy melancholy gaze. It seems to follow you, and you cannot take +your eyes off it. I occupied this room for four nights, a prey to the +saddest thoughts. It was in the month of January, and the wind, which +was blowing hard across the Firth, roared round the tower. With my feet +before the fire, which burned in the immense fireplace, I let my fancy +reconstruct the scene in which poor Chastelard lost his head, first +figuratively, and then in reality. + +As I mentioned in the preceding chapter, my young and handsome +countryman Pierre de Boscosel de Chastelard had conceived a mad passion +for the queen. He had dared to declare this love in the Holyrood Palace. +His offence was forgiven. + +Imagining, from the fact of his having been pardoned, that he had +succeeded in inspiring affection in the heart of his royal mistress, the +poor moth must needs flutter again around the flame, which was to be his +destruction. The romantic troubadour secretly followed the queen from +Edinburgh to Rossend Castle, and, on the night of the 14th of February, +1562, hid himself in her chamber, until she was almost undressed for the +night, when he left his hiding-place, and, seizing the queen in his +arms, so alarmed her, that she screamed for protection. This woman who, +to avenge Rizzio's death, did not hesitate to have a barrel of powder +placed under her husband's bed, felt herself insulted. Her cries +attracted her attendants, and Murray was ordered by the indignant queen +to stab the young madman dead then and there. But Murray preferred to +wreak his wrath on Chastelard, whom he hated, by having him hanged. The +poor secretary, who had been so favoured by his mistress that all the +courtiers were jealous of him, who had so often beguiled her solitude by +his poems and his music, went cheerfully to the scaffold. Like Cornelius +de Witt, who, a century later, recited Horace's _Justum et tenacem_ +while the executioner of The Hague put him to the torture, Chastelard +mounted the scaffold calm and smiling, reciting Rousard's _Ode to Love_. + +"I die not without reproach, like my ancestor Bayard," said he; "but, +like him, I die without fear." + +And then, turning his eyes towards the castle inhabited by Mary Stuart, +he cried: + +"Adieu, thou cruel but beautiful one, who killest me, but whom I cannot +cease to love!" + +Rossend Castle is a veritable poem in stone. Do not visit Edinburgh +without pushing to Burntisland. The _chātelain_ is justly proud of his +romantic home, and does the honours of it with a kind grace that charms +the visitor. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX. + + Aberdeen, the Granite City. -- No sign of the Statue of "you + know whom." -- All Grey. -- The Town and its Suburbs. -- + Character of the Aberdonian. -- Why London could not give an + Ovation to a Provost of Aberdeen. -- Blue Hill. -- Aberdeen + Society. -- A thoughtful Caretaker. -- To this Aberdonian's + Disappointment, I do not appear in Tights before the Aberdeen + Public. + + +It does not enter into the plan of this book to give a detailed +description of the principal towns and sites in Scotland. That can be +found in any guide-book. + +The aim of this little volume is to give an idea of the character and +customs of the Scotch, from _Souvenirs_ of several visits made by the +author to the land of Burns and Scott. + +But a few words must be said on the subject of the City of Granite. + +Aberdeen is a large, clean-looking town, with more than a hundred +thousand inhabitants; wide, regular streets, fine edifices, and many +statues, among which we are happy, for a change, not to find that of +_you know whom_. + +If Glasgow and Dundee are the principal centres of commercial activity +in Scotland, Edinburgh and Aberdeen are the two great centres of +learning. + +Union Street, the principal thoroughfare, is about half-a-mile long, and +is built entirely of light grey granite, which gives it a rather +monotonous aspect. Public buildings, churches, private houses, +pavements, all are grey; the inhabitants are mostly dressed in grey, and +look where you will, you seem to see nothing but grey. + +Just as it is in London, Edinburgh, and Glasgow, the fashionable quarter +is the west, and the poor live in the east. + +Is this due to chance? + +The most conspicuous edifice of the town is the Municipal Building, +forming a town hall and a court of justice. The most interesting is +Marischal College, the home of the Faculty and School of Medicine, which +now form part of the University of Aberdeen, after having had a separate +existence for two hundred and sixty-six years. The college is a very +fine building, but is unfortunately hemmed in by a number of other +buildings which hide its _faēade_. + +A mile from the town stands the college of the university (King's +College), built in 1495 on the model of the Paris university. Most of +the Scotch buildings, which date from the fifteenth and sixteenth +centuries, have a very pronounced French character. + +I would advise tourists, who go as far north as Aberdeen, not to miss +making the ascension of the Blue Hill, which is about four miles from +the town. From the summit of this hill, they will see a delightful +panorama of Aberdeen, a stretch of fifty or sixty miles of coast, the +ruins of the celebrated castle of Dunnottar, and all the valley of the +Dee framed in hills. It is a grand sight; unfortunately, to thoroughly +bring out its beauties, a clear sky is essential, and there comes the +rub. + + * * * * * + +The county of Aberdeen is not only one of the great intellectual centres +of Scotland, it is the home of Caledonian shrewdness and pawkiness. +Aberdeenshire alone furnished more than half the anecdotes collected by +Dean Ramsay. + +The Aberdonians are the chosen people, the elect of God. + +Every Scot is proud of his nationality, but an Aberdonian will tell you: +"Not only am I a Scotchman, but I was born in Aberdeen." + +And true enough, "tak' awa' Aberdeen, and twal' miles round, and faar +are ye?" + +It is related that a provost of Aberdeen, having come to London with his +wife, someone recommended the lady to be sure and go to Covent Garden to +see the opera. + +"No," she replied, "we have come to London to be quiet and not to +receive ovations. We shall not show ourselves in public during our stay +in the capital." + +Her resolution was adhered to, and London saw them not. + +For the future life, the Aberdonian has no fears, and if he will only +recommend you to Saint Peter, you will not have to wait long at the +gates of Paradise. + +Society in Aberdeen is of the choicest. Its aristocracy is an +aristocracy of talent. In Aberdeen, as in Edinburgh, the local lions are +the professors of the university, literary people, doctors, barristers, +and artists. To cut a figure there, you need not jingle your guineas, +but only show your brains and good manners. In Glasgow, show your +_savoir-faire_; but, in Edinburgh and Aberdeen, your _savoir-vivre_. + + * * * * * + +I cannot quit the subject of Aberdeen without relating a little incident +which exceedingly diverted me. + +A few hours before delivering a lecture at the Albert Hall, I paid a +visit to the place to see if my reading-desk had been properly arranged. +Great was my surprise, on entering the hall, to see near the platform an +elegant improvised green-room, curtained off. I asked the caretaker if +there was not a retiring-room, in which I could await the moment for +beginning my lecture, to which he replied: + +"Yes, sir; we have an anteroom over there, but I have set apart this +little green-room, because I thought it would be more comfortable for +you to go and change your dresses in during the performance." + +The worthy fellow evidently imagined that I was going to appear in +tights before the lairds of Aberdeen. + +The learned professor, who had kindly come to introduce me to my +audience, laughed heartily with me over the joke. + + + + +CHAPTER XXX. + + The Thistle. -- "Nemo me impune lacessit." -- "Honi soit qui + Mollet pince." -- Political Aspirations of the Scotch. -- + Signification of Liberalism in Scotland. -- Self-Government in + the near Future. -- Coercive Pills. -- The Disunited Kingdom. -- + The United Empire. + + +The emblem of Scotland is the thistle, the device _Nemo me impune +lacessit_. + +The great Order of Scotland is that of the Thistle, or Saint Andrew, the +patron saint of the country, and was instituted by James V. in +1534--that is to say, about two hundred years after Edward III. of +England had founded the Order of the Garter. + +_A propos_ of this Garter, what fables and anecdotes have been written! +Historians even are not agreed as to the origin of the famous device: +_Honi soit qui mal y pense_. + +The explanation which seems to be the most plausible is this: + +The Countess of Salisbury, King Edward III.'s mistress, dropped her +garter at a ball. The king picked it up; but, as the worthy descendant +of a bashful race, he did not attempt to replace it, but turning towards +his courtiers, said: + +"My lords, _honi soit qui mollet pince_." + +Then he advanced towards the countess and gave her her garter. + +The king's expression became corrupted into: + +_Honi soit qui mal y pense._ + +This is the correct version, you may depend on it. + + * * * * * + +The Scots are a nation of hardy, valiant men, whom the English never +would have succeeded in conquering by force of arms. + +The Scotch will tell you that it was not England that annexed them, it +was they who annexed England. Let us not grudge them this consolation, +if it gives them any pleasure. + +It is a fact that, on the death of Elizabeth, James VI. of +Scotland--Mary Stuart's son--was called to fill the English throne, and +thus united the crowns of England and Scotland. + +But these conquering Scots begin to perceive that they are treated +rather like conquered Scots at the Palace of Westminster, and they do +not like it. + +"They are very quiet under it," you may say; "one does not hear them +complaining like the Irish." + +That is true: Donald is patient, and knows how to bide his time. + +The Irish question overwhelms every other political one just now in +England. We all know that the Irish demand Home Rule, and as we do not +hear the Scotch and the Welsh talked of, we conclude that these two +peoples are comfortably enjoying life under the best of possible +governments. + +Scotland and Wales content themselves for the present with sending +Liberal members to the British Parliament. But with them the word +"Liberal" has not the political sense which it possesses in England, it +has a rather revolutionary meaning. I do not mean by this that it +implies an idea of rebellion. + +No. But in their vocabulary it is almost synonymous with _autonomist_. + +The English Liberals are men who are convinced that things are not +perfect, and who admit the possibility of reforms. + +In the eyes of the Scotch, Liberalism consists in preparing to ask one +day for a great reform: Home Rule. Before ten years have passed, we +shall see Scotland and Wales electing Home Rule candidates, as Ireland +is doing now. + +The Scotch will consent to remain British on condition that the English +allow them to become Scotch--that is to say, to manage for themselves +matters which have no connection with the Empire, and concern the Scotch +people alone; such as religion, education, and the administration of +justice. They are too shrewd to desire to become once more Scots pure +and simple, and so renounce their part and profit in the gigantic +concern called the British Empire. They will continue to send members to +Westminster to take part in the work of governing the Empire, but they +will have a parliament or a council at Edinburgh, whose business it will +be to look after matters purely Scotch. + +They would be willing to walk hand-in-hand with England, but not by +means of handcuffs. + +The English are fond of talking of Scotland as if it were a county of +England. The Scotch mean that Scotland shall be Scotland. + +"Let the English look after England," they say, "and we will look after +Scotland. As soon as a question relating to the British Empire arises, +we will be as British as they. We do not want to destroy the unity of +the Empire, or to break off our relations with the Parliament; but we +simply wish to do as we like at home." + +There is nothing extraordinary in such a demand. + +When the Scotch, or the Irish, win a battle, it is immediately announced +in the papers that "the English have gained a victory." But let an +Irishman or a Scotchman commit a crime, and John Bull quickly cries out: + +"It is an Irishman," or "It is a Scotchman." + +"Let it be each one to himself, and each for himself," says Donald, "so +long as it is a question of England or Scotland. But when it is a +question of the great Motherland, then we will all be Britons." + +The English have this good point: they know that it is good policy not +to try and prevent the inevitable, but rather to put a good face upon +it. They know that that which is given ungraciously is received +ungratefully. + +They are now administering the eighty-seventh coercive pill to the +Irish. That will be the last. + +In two or three years time, Ireland will belong to the Irish, as, later +on, Scotland will belong to the Scotch. + +The United Kingdom will only be the more powerful for it. Having no more +internal squabbles to fear, it will present a formidable quadruple +breast to the outer world. + +London will be the political centre of an immense imperial federation. +England, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, India, the Cape, Canada, Australia, +all will be represented in a Parliament really Britannic. Their capitals +will be the respective leaders of this grand team. + +The British Empire will be built upon hearts in all parts of the globe. + +If there is no longer any United Kingdom, neither will there be a +Disunited Kingdom, and instead there will be something much more +imposing, much more powerful, there will be + + THE UNITED EMPIRE. + + * * * * * + + + + +ARROWSMITH'S BRISTOL LIBRARY. + + + "Novel readers ought to bless Mr. Arrowsmith for providing them + with volumes of moderate size and price."--_Sunday Gems._ + + _Fcap. 8vo, stiff covers, 1/-; cloth, 1/6 (postage 2d.) each._ + + TITLE. AUTHOR. + + #CALLED BACK.# HUGH CONWAY. + #BROWN-EYES.# MAY CROMMELIN. + #DARK DAYS.# HUGH CONWAY. + #FORT MINSTER, M.P.# Sir E. J. REED, K.C.B., M.P. + #THE RED CARDINAL.# Mrs. FRANCES ELLIOT. + #THE TINTED VENUS.# F. ANSTEY. + #JONATHAN'S HOME.# ALAN DALE. + #SLINGS AND ARROWS.# HUGH CONWAY. + #OUT OF THE MISTS.# DANIEL DORMER. + #KATE PERCIVAL.# Mrs. J. COMYNS CARR. + #KALEE'S SHRINE.# GRANT ALLEN. + #CARRISTON'S GIFT.# HUGH CONWAY. + #THE MARK OF CAIN.# ANDREW LANG. + #PLUCK.# J. STRANGE WINTER. + #DEAR LIFE.# Mrs. J. E. PANTON. + #GLADYS' PERIL.# JOHN COLEMAN and JOHN C. CHUTE. + #WHOSE HAND?# or, The Mystery W. G. WILLS and The Hon. Mrs. GREENE. + of No Man's Heath. + #THAT WINTER NIGHT.# ROBERT BUCHANAN. + #THE GUILTY RIVER.# WILKIE COLLINS. + #FATAL SHADOWS.# Mrs. L. L. LEWIS. + #THE LOVELY WANG.# Hon. L. WINGFIELD. + #PATTY'S PARTNER.# JEAN MIDDLEMASS. + "#V.R.#" A Comedy of Errors. EDWARD ROSE. + The #PARK LANE MYSTERY.# A JOSEPH HATTON. + Story of Love and Magic. + + _Bristol_: J. W. ARROWSMITH, 11 QUAY STREET. + _London_: SIMPKIN, MARSHALL, & Co., 4 STATIONERS' HALL COURT. + And Railway Bookstalls. + + + + +Arrowsmith's Christmas Annual. + + + #KATHARINE REGINA.# + By WALTER BESANT. + [_October 29th._ + + + _Crown Quarto. Price Five Shillings._ + + #KING DIDDLE.# + BY + H. C. DAVIDSON. + + With Thirteen exquisite Illustrations by E. A. LEMANN. + + + _Fcap. Quarto. Price 2s. 6d._ + + #BUZ#; + or, The Life and Adventures of a Honey Bee. + + By MAURICE NOEL. + Illustrated by LINLEY SAMBOURNE. + + "One of the best children's books this season."--_Saturday + Review._ + + + _Fcap. Quarto. Price 3s. 6d._ + + #UNDER THE WATER.# + + By MAURICE NOEL, Author of "Buz," &c. Illustrated by E. A. + LEMANN. + + "Inevitably recalls Kingsley's 'Water Babies.'"--_Saturday + Review._ + + "Since Kingsley's 'Water Babies' there has not, to our thinking, + appeared a book which combines amusement with wit to such an + extent as 'Under the Water.'"--_Colborn's Magazine._ + + + _In one vol. Price 5s., cloth (post free 5s. 6d.)_ + + #DEAD MEN'S DOLLARS.# + By MAY CROMMELIN. + + Author of "Brown-Eyes," "Queenie," "Orange Lily," &c., &c. + + "The story is an extremely interesting one."--_Publishers' + Circular._ + + + _Crown 8vo. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Friend Mac Donald + +Author: Max O'Rell + +Release Date: October 25, 2010 [EBook #33883] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRIEND MAC DONALD *** + + + + +Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + + + + + +</pre> + + + +<p class="center"><br /><b>TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE:</b> Punctuation has been normalized.</p> + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 375px;"> +<img src="images/i_cover.jpg" width="375" height="640" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> + +<h4><span class="u"><i>All rights reserved</i></span></h4> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<img src="images/i_002.jpg" width="640" height="156" alt="Friend Mac Donald" title="Friend Mac Donald" /> +</div> + + +<h4>BY</h4> + +<h2>MAX O'RELL</h2> + +<h4>AUTHOR OF<br /> +"JOHN BULL AND HIS ISLAND," ETC</h4> + +<hr style="width: 15%;" /> +<h3>Arrowsmith's Bristol Library<br /> + +<span class="smcap">Vol. XXV</span></h3> +<hr style="width: 15%;" /> + +<h4>BRISTOL<br /> +<span class="smcap">J. W. Arrowsmith, 11 Quay Street</span><br /> +<small>LONDON<br /> +<span class="smcap">Simpkin, Marshall & Co., 4 Stationers' Hall Court</span><br /> +1887</small></h4> + + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>i</span></p> +<h2>CONTENTS.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"> +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_I"><span class="smcap">Chap. I.</span></a>—A Word to Donald.—The Scotch Anecdote and +its Character.—The Scotch painted by Themselves.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_II"><span class="smcap">Chap. II.</span></a>—Donald, a British Subject, but no Englishman.—Opinion +of the greatest English Wit on the Scotch, and +the worth of that Opinion.—The Wit of Donald and the Wit +of the Cockney.—Intelligence and Intellectuality.—Donald's +Exterior.—Donald's Interior.—Help yourself and Heaven +will help you.—An Irish and a Scotch Servant facing a +Difficulty.—How a small Scotchman may make himself +useful in the Hour of Danger.—Characteristics.—Donald on +Train Journeys.—One Way of avoiding Tolls.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_III"><span class="smcap">Chap. III.</span></a>—All Scots know how to Reckon.—Rabelais in +Scotland.—How Donald made Twopence-halfpenny by going +to the Lock-up.—Difference between Buying and Stealing.—Scotch +Honesty.—Last Words of a Father to his Son.—Abraham +in Scotland.—How Donald outdid Jonathan.—Circumspection, +Insinuations, and Negations.—Delicious +Declarations of Love.—Laconism.—Conversation reduced to +its simplest Expression.—A, e, i, o, u.—A Visit to Thomas +Carlyle.—The Silent Academy of Hamadan.—With the +Author's Compliments.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_IV"><span class="smcap">Chap. IV.</span></a>—The traditional Hospitality of the Highlands.—One +more fond Belief gone.—Highland Bills.—Donald's +two Trinities.—Never trust Donald on Saturdays and Mondays.—The +Game he prefers.—A Well-informed Man.—Ask +no Questions and you will be told no Tales.—How Donald<span class='pagenum'>ii</span> +showed prodigious Things to a Cockney in the Highlands.—There +is no Man so dumb as he who will not be heard.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_V"><span class="smcap">Chap. V.</span></a>—Resemblance of Donald to the Norman.—Donald +marketing.—Bearding a Barber.—Norman Replies.—Cant.—Why +the Whisky was not marked on the Hotel Bill.—New +Use for the Old and New Testaments.—You should +love your Enemies and not swallow them.—A modest Wish.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_VI"><span class="smcap">Chap. VI.</span></a>—Democratic Spirit in Scotland.—One Scot as +good as another.—Amiable Beggars.—Familiarity of Servants.—Shout +all together!—A Scotchman who does not +admire his Wife.—Donald's Pride.—The Queen and her +Scotch People.—Little Presents keep alive Friendship.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_VII"><span class="smcap">Chap. VII.</span></a>—Scottish Perseverance.—Thomas Carlyle, +David Livingstone, and General Gordon.—Literary Exploits +of a Scotchman.—Scottish Students.—All the Students study.—A +useful Library.—A Family of three.—Coming, Sir, +coming!—Killed in Action.—Scotchmen at Oxford.—Balliol +College.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_VIII"><span class="smcap">Chap. VIII.</span></a>—Good old Times.—A Trick.—Untying Cravats.—Bible +and Whisky.—Evenings in Scotland.—The +Dining-room.—Scots of the old School.—Departure of the +Whisky and Arrival of the Bible.—The Nightcap in Scotland.—Five +Hours' Rest.—The Gong and its Effects.—Fresh as +Larks.—Iron Stomachs.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_IX"><span class="smcap">Chap. IX.</span></a>—Religion and Churches in Scotland.—Why +Scotch Bishops cut a poor Figure.—Companies for Insuring +against the Accidents of the Life to come.—Religious Lecture-Rooms.—No +one can Serve two Masters.—How the Gospel +Camel was able to pass through the Eye of a Needle.—Incense +and Common Sense.—I understand, therefore I believe.—Conversions +at Home.—Conversions in Open Air.—A +modest Preacher.—A well-filled Week.—Touching Piety.—Donald +recommends John Bull and Paddy to the Lord.<span class='pagenum'>iii</span></p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_X"><span class="smcap">Chap. X.</span></a>—Donald's Relations with the Divinity.—Prayers +and Sermons.—Signification of the word "Receptivity."—Requests +and Thanksgivings.—"Repose in Peace."—"Thou +excelledst them all."—Explanation of Miracles.—Pulpit Advertisements.—Pictures +of the Last Judgment.—One of the +Elect belated.—An Urchin Preacher.—A Considerate Beggar.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XI"><span class="smcap">Chap. XI.</span></a>—The Scotch Sabbath.—The Saviour in the +Cornfield.—A good Advertisement.—Difference between the +Inside and the Outside of an Omnibus.—How useful it is to +be able to speak Scotch in Scotland.—Sermon and Lesson on +Balistics at Edinburgh.—If you do Evil on the Sabbath, do +it well.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XII.</span></a>—Scotch Bonhomie.—Humour and Quick-Wittedness.—Reminiscences +of a Lecturer.—How the Author +was once taken for an Englishman.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XIII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XIII.</span></a>—Drollery of Scotch Phraseology.—A Scotchman +who Lost his Head.—Two Severe Wounds.—Premature +Death.—A Neat Comparison.—Cold Comfort.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XIV"><span class="smcap">Chap. XIV.</span></a>—Family Life.—"Can I assist you?"—"No. +I will assist myself, thank you."—Hospitality in good Society.—The +Friends of Friends are Friends.—When the Visitors +come to an End there are more to follow.—Good Society.—Women.—Men.—Conversation +in Scotland.—A touching +little Scene.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XV"><span class="smcap">Chap. XV.</span></a>—Little Sketches of Family Life in Scotland.—The +Scotchman of "John Bull and his Island."—Painful +Explanations.—As a Father I love you, as a Customer I take +you in.—A good Investment.—Killing two Birds with one +Stone.—A young Man in a Hurry.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XVI"><span class="smcap">Chap. XVI.</span></a>—Matrimonial Ceremonies.—Sweethearts.—"Un +serrement de main vaut dix serments de bouche."—"Jack's +kisses were nicer than that."—A Platonic Lover.—"Excuse +me, I'm married."—A wicked Trick.<span class='pagenum'>iv</span></p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XVII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XVII.</span></a>—Donald is not easily knocked down.—He +calmly contemplates Death, especially other people's.—A +thoughtful Wife.—A very natural Request.—A consolable +Father.—"Job," 1st chapter, 21st verse.—Merry Funerals.—They +manage Things better in Ireland.—Gone just in Time.—Touching +Funeral Orations.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XVIII.</span></a>—Intellectual Life in Scotland.—The Climate +is not so bad as it is represented to be.—Comparisons.—Literary +and Scientific Societies.—Why should not France +possess such Societies?—Scotch Newspapers.—Scotland is +the Sinew of the British Empire.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XIX"><span class="smcap">Chap. XIX.</span></a>—Higher Education in Scotland.—The Universities.—How +they differ from English Universities.—Is he +a Gentleman?—Scholarships.—A visit to the University of +Aberdeen.—English Prejudice against Scotch Universities.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XX"><span class="smcap">Chap. XX.</span></a>—Scotch Literature.—Robert Burns.—Walter +Scott.—Thomas Carlyle.—Adam Smith.—Burns Worship.—Scotch +Ballads and Poetry.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXI"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXI.</span></a>—The Dance in Scotland.—Reels and Highland +Schottische.—Is Dancing a Sin?—Dances of Antiquity.—There +is no Dancing now.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXII.</span></a>—The Wisdom of Scotland.—Proverbs.—Morals +in Words and Morals in Deeds.—Maxims.—The Scot +is a Judge of Human Nature.—Scotch and Norman Proverbs +compared.—Practical Interpretation of a Passage of the +Bible.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXIII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXIII.</span></a>—Massacre of the English Tongue.—Donald, +the Friend of France.—Scotch Anecdotes again.—Reason of +their Drollery.—Picturesque Dialect.—Dry Old Faces.—A +Scotch Chambermaid.—Oddly-placed Moustachios.—My +Chimney Smokes.—Sarcastic Spirit.—A good Chance of +entering Paradise thrown away.—Robbie Burns and the +Greenock Shopkeeper.<span class='pagenum'>v</span></p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXIV"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXIV.</span></a>—The Staff of Life in Scotland.—Money is +round and flat.—Cheap Restaurants.—Democratic Bill of +Fare.—Caution to the Public.—"Parritch!"—The Secret of +Scotland's Success.—The National Drink of Scotland.—Scotch +and Irish Whiskies.—Whisky a very slow Poison.—Dean +Ramsay's best Anecdote.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXV"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXV.</span></a>—Hors d'œuvre.—A Word to the Reader, and +another to the Critic.—A Man who has a right to be Proud.—Why?</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXVI"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXVI.</span></a>—Glasgow.—Origin of the Name.—Rapid +Growth of the City.—St. Mungo's Injunction to Donald.—James +Watt and the Clyde.—George Square.—Exhibition of +Sculpture in the open Air.—Royal Exchange.—Wellington +again.—Wanted an Umbrella.—The Cathedral.—How it was +saved by a Gardener.—The Streets.—Kelvingrove Park.—The +University.—The Streets at Night.—The Tartan Shawls +a Godsend.—The Populace.—Pity for the poor little Children.—Sunday +Lectures in Glasgow.—To the Station, and let us +be off.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXVII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXVII.</span></a>—Edinburgh.—Glasgow's Opinion thereof, +and <i>vice versâ</i>.—High Street.—The Old Town.—John Knox's +House.—The old Parliament House.—Holyrood Palace.—Mary +Stuart.—Arthur's Seat.—The University.—The Castle.—Princes +Street.—Two Greek Buildings.—The Statues.—Walter +Scott.—The inevitable Wellington again.—Calton +Hill.—The Athens of the North and the modern Parthenon.—Why +did not the Scotch buy the ancient Parthenon of the +modern Greeks?—Lord Elgin.—The Acropolis of Edinburgh.—Nelson +for a Change.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXVIII"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXVIII.</span></a>—Where are the Scotch?—Something wanting +in the Landscape.—The Inhabitants.—The Highlanders +and the Servant Girls.—Evening in Princes Street.—Leith +and the Firth of Forth.—Rossend Castle at Burntisland.—Mary +Stuart once more.—I receive Scotch Hospitality in the +Bedroom where Chastelard was as enterprising as unfortunate.<span class='pagenum'>vi</span></p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXIX"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXIX.</span></a>—Aberdeen the Granite City.—No sign of +the Statue of "you know whom."—All Grey.—The Town +and its Suburbs.—Character of the Aberdonian.—Why +London could not give an Ovation to a Provost of Aberdeen.—Blue +Hill.—Aberdeen Society.—A thoughtful Caretaker.—To +this Aberdonian's Disappointment, I do not appear in +Tights before the Aberdeen Public.</p> + +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_XXX"><span class="smcap">Chap. XXX.</span></a>—The Thistle.—"Nemo me impune lacessit."—"Honi +soit qui Mollet pince."—Political Aspirations of +the Scotch.—Signification of Liberalism in Scotland.—Self-Government +in the near Future.—Coercive Pills.—The Disunited +Kingdom.—The United Empire.</p> +</div> + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> + +<h5>PRINTING OFFICE OF THE PUBLISHER</h5> + + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 1]</span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<img src="images/i_004a.jpg" width="640" height="108" alt="Friend Mac Donald" title="Friend Mac Donald" /> +</div> + + + + + +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>A Word to Donald.—The Scotch Anecdote and its Character.—The +Scotch painted by Themselves.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 68px;"> +<img src="images/capa.jpg" width="68" height="80" alt="A" title="A" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">h! my dear Donald, what good stories you +told me in the few months that I had the +pleasure of passing with you! How you +stuffed and saturated me with them!</p> + +<p>And the English pretend that nobody laughs in +Scotland!</p> + +<p>Don't they though! and with the right sort of +laughter, too: a laugh that is frank, and full of +<i>finesse</i> and good-humour.</p> + +<p>You will be astonished, perhaps, that a three or +four months' sojourn in Scotland should permit me +to write a little volume on your dear country, and +you will, may be, accuse me of having visited you +with the idea of seeking two hundred pages for +the printer.</p> + +<p>You would be very wrong in your impression, if +you thought so.</p> + +<p>To tell the truth, I did not take a single note in +Scotland; but, on my return home, all those<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 2]</span> +delicious anecdotes came back to my memory, +and I could not resist the temptation of telling a +few of them to my compatriots.</p> + +<p>After all, Scotland is almost a closed letter to +the French; and I thought I might make myself +useful and agreeable in offering French readers a +picture of the manners and character of the +Caledonians.</p> + +<p>If, in order to be a success, a book of travels +must be full of the strange and the horrible, it is +all up with this one. But such is not the case; +and he who advanced this opinion calumniated the +public.</p> + +<p>I have as much right as anyone to contradict +such an assertion; for the public has been pleased +to give the kindest reception to my books on +England, and I certainly never had any other aim +or ambition than that of telling the truth according +to Horace's principle, <i>Ridentem dicere verum quid +vetat</i>?</p> + +<p>Scotland is perhaps the only country whose +anecdotes alone would suffice to give an exact +idea of her inhabitants.</p> + +<p>Irish anecdotes are exceedingly droll; but they +only tend to show the thoughtless side of the +Irish character. They are very amusing bulls; +but while they divert, they do not instruct.</p> + +<p>In Scotland, on the contrary, you find in the +anecdotes a picture of the Scotch manners and +character, as complete as it is faithful.</p> + +<p>The Scot has kept the characteristics of his<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 3]</span> +ancestors; but his manners have been toned +down, and the language he speaks is growing +more and more English: he is a changed man, +and, in good society, you might be puzzled to tell +him from an Englishman.</p> + +<p>This is not a compliment, for he has no desire to +pass for other than Scotch.</p> + +<p>Among those characteristics, there are two which +he has preserved intact to the present day: <i>finesse</i> +and matter-of-fact good-humour. You will find +these two traits in every grade of Scotch life—in +tradesman, mechanic, and peasant.</p> + +<p>This is why, setting aside the upper classes, the +Scotch differ essentially from the English.</p> + +<p>It is because of that good-humour that the Scot +is more communicative than the Englishman. He +knows his failings, and does not mind talking about +them; in fact, he will give you anecdotes to illustrate +them, and this because they are national, +and he loves to dwell on anything which reminds +him that Scotland is a nation.</p> + +<p>I might have entitled this volume, "The Scotch +painted by themselves," for I do but write down +what I saw and heard. I owe the scenes of life I +describe to the Scotch who enacted them before +me, and the anecdotes to those who were kind +enough to tell them to me.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 4]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Donald, a British subject, but no Englishman.—Opinion of +the greatest English Wit on the Scotch, and the worth of +that Opinion.—The Wit of Donald and the Wit of the +Cockney.—Intelligence and Intellectuality.—Donald's +Exterior.—Donald's Interior.—Help yourself and Heaven +will help you.—An Irish and a Scotch Servant facing +a Difficulty.—How a small Scotchman may make himself +useful in the Hour of Danger.—Characteristics.—Donald +on Train Journeys.—One Way of avoiding Tolls.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">n the eyes of the French, the Scot is a +British subject—in other words, an Englishman—dressed +in a Tam-o'-Shanter, a plaid, +and kilt of red and green tartan, and playing the +bagpipes; for the rest, speaking English, eating +roast beef, and swearing by the Bible.</p> + +<p>For that matter, many English people are pleased +to entertain the same illusions on the subject of +the dwellers in the north of Great Britain.</p> + +<p>Yet, never were two nations<a name="FNanchor_A_1" id="FNanchor_A_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_1" class="fnanchor">[A]</a> so near on the +map, and so far removed in their ways and character.</p> + +<p>The Scots English! Well, just advance that +opinion in the presence of one, and you will see +how it will be received.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 5]</span></p> + +<p>The Scotchman is a British subject; but if you +take him for an Englishman, he draws himself up, +and says:</p> + +<p>"No, Sir; I am not English. I am a Scotchman."</p> + +<p>He is Scotch, and he intends to remain Scotch. +He is proud of his nationality, and I quite understand +it.</p> + +<p>Of all the inhabitants of the more-or-less-United +Kingdom, Friend Donald is the most keen, +sturdy, matter-of-fact, persevering, industrious, +and witty.</p> + +<p>The most witty! Now I have said something.</p> + +<p>Yes, the most witty, with all due respect to the +shade of Sydney Smith.</p> + +<p>So little do the English know the Scotch, that +when I spoke to them of my intention to lecture +in Scotland, they laughed at me.</p> + +<p>"But don't you know, my dear fellow," they +exclaimed, "that it is only by means of a pickaxe +that you can get a joke into the skull of a Scotchman?"</p> + +<p>And the fact is, that since the day when Sydney +Smith, of jovial memory, pronounced his famous +dictum, that it required a surgical operation to +make a Scotchman understand a joke, poor Donald +has been powerless to prevent past and present +generations from repeating the phrase of the +celebrated wit.</p> + +<p>All in vain did Scotland produce Smollett, +Robert Burns, Walter Scott, and Thomas Carlyle,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 6]</span> +in the eyes of the English, the Scotchman has +remained the personification of slow-wittedness—a +poor fellow incapable of making much beyond +prayers and money, and the Londoner who has +never travelled—the poor Cockney who still firmly +believes that the French are feeble creatures, living +on snails and frogs—this Londoner, the most +stupid animal in the world (after the Paris <i>badaud</i>, +perhaps), goes about repeating to all who will listen +to such nonsense:</p> + +<p>"Dull and heavy as a Scotchman!"</p> + +<p>Give a few minutes' start to a hoax, and you +will never be able to overtake it.</p> + +<p>To tell the truth, the wit of, I will not say, an +Englishman, but a Cockney, is not within the reach +of the Scot. Jokes, play upon words, and bantering +are not in his line. A pun will floor him +completely; but I hope to be able to prove, by +means of a few anecdotes, that Donald has real +wit, and humour above all—humour of the light, +subtle kind, that would pass by a Cockney without +making the least impression.</p> + +<p>I do not wish to say that there is more intelligence +in Scotland than in England; but I can in +all security say there is more intellectuality.</p> + +<p>The Cockney must have his puns and small +jokes. On the stage, he delights in jigs; and to +really please him, the best of actors have to become +rivals of the mountebanks at a fair. A hornpipe +delights his heart. An actor who, for an +hour together, pretends not to be able to keep on<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 7]</span> +his hat, sends him into the seventh heaven of delight; +and I have seen the tenants of the stalls +applaud these things. Such performances make +the Scotch smile, but with pity. The Cockney! +When you have said that you have said everything: +it is a being who will find fault with the +opera of <i>Faust</i>, because up to the present time no +manager has given the Kermess scene the attraction +of an acrobat turning a wheel or standing on his +head.</p> + +<p>No, no; the Scotchman has no wit of this sort. +In the matter of wit, he is an epicure, and only +appreciates dainty food. A smart repartee will +tickle his sides agreeably; he understands <i>demi-mots</i>; +he is good-tempered, and can take a joke as +well as see through one. His quick-wittedness +and the subtlety of his character make him full of +quaint remarks and funny and unexpected comparisons. +He is a stranger to affectation—that +dangerous rock to the would-be wit; he is natural, +and is witty without trying to be a wit.</p> + +<p>Yes, Donald is witty; but he possesses more +solid qualities as well.</p> + +<p>We will make acquaintance with his intellectual +qualities presently.</p> + +<p>As to his exterior—look at him: he is as strong +as his own granite, and cut out for work.</p> + +<p>A head well planted on a pair of broad shoulders; +a strong-knit, sinewy frame; small, keen eyes; +iron muscles; a hand that almost crushes your +own as he shakes it; and large flat feet that only<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 8]</span> +advance cautiously and after having tried the +ground: such is Donald.</p> + +<p>Needless to say that he generally lives to a good +old age.</p> + +<p>I never knew a Christian so confident of going to +Paradise, or less eager to set out.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Why does the Scotchman succeed everywhere? +Why, in Australia, New Zealand, and all the other +British Colonies, do you find him landowner, +director of companies, at the head of enterprises +of all kinds? Again, why do you find in almost all +the factories of Great Britain that the foreman is +Scotch?</p> + +<p>Ah! it is very simple.</p> + +<p>Success is very rarely due to extraordinary circumstances, +or to chance, as the social failures are +fond of saying.</p> + +<p>The Scot is economical, frugal, matter-of-fact, +exact, thoroughly to be depended upon, persevering, +and hard-working.</p> + +<p>He is an early riser; when he earns but half-a-crown +a day, he puts by sixpence or a shilling; he +minds his own business, and does not meddle with +other people's.</p> + +<p>Add to these qualities the body that I was +speaking of—a body healthy, bony, robust, and +rendered impervious to fatigue by the practice of +every healthful exercise—and you will understand +why the Scotch succeed everywhere.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 9]</span></p> + +<p>His religion teaches him to trust in God, and to +rely upon his own resources—an eminently practical +religion, whose device is:</p> + +<p><i>Help yourself and Heaven will help you.</i></p> + +<p>If a Scotchman were wrecked near an outlandish +island in Oceania, I guarantee that you will find +him, a few years later, installed as a landed proprietor, +exacting rents and taxes from the natives.</p> + +<p>Where the English, the Irish especially, will +starve, the Scotch will exist; where the English +can exist, the Scotch will dine.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The following little scene, which took place in +my house, enlightened me very much as to why one +finds the Scotch farming their own land in the +colonies, while the Irish are doing labourers' work.</p> + +<p>I had an Irish cook, an honest woman if ever +there was one, faithful, and of a religion as sincere +as it was unpractical.</p> + +<p>The housemaid, a true-born Scotch girl, came +down one morning to find the poor cook on her +knees in the act of imploring Heaven to make her +fire burn.</p> + +<p>"But your wood is damp," she exclaimed; +"how can ye expect it to burn? Pray, if ye will, +but the Lord has a muckle to mind; and ye'd do +weel to pit your wood in the oven o' nights, instead +of bothering Him wi' such trifles."</p> + +<p>"It was faith, nevertheless," said a worthy lady, +to whom I told the matter.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 10]</span></p> + +<p>It was idleness, thought I, or very much like it.</p> + +<p>Doctor Norman Macleod tells how he was once +in a boat, on a Highland lake, when a storm came +on, which menaced him and his companions with +the most serious danger. The doctor, a tall, +strong man, had with him a Scotch minister, who +was small and delicate. The latter addressed himself +to the boatman, and, drawing his attention to +the danger they were in, proposed that they should +all pray.</p> + +<p>"Na, na," said the boatman; "let the little ane +gang to pray, but first the big ane maun tak' an +oar, or we shall be drouned."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Donald is the most practical man on earth.</p> + +<p>He is a man who takes life seriously, and whom +nothing will divert from the road that leads to the +goal.</p> + +<p>He is a man who monopolises all the good +places in this world and the next; who keeps the +Commandments, and everything else worth keeping; +who swears by the Bible—and as hard<a name="FNanchor_A_2" id="FNanchor_A_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_2" class="fnanchor">[B]</a> as +a Norman carter; who serves God every Sabbath +day and Mammon all the week; who has a talent +for keeping a great many things, it is true, but especially +his word, when he gives it you.</p> + +<p>He is not a man of brilliant qualities, but he is +a man of solid ones, who can only be appreciated +<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 11]</span> +at his true worth when you have known him some +time. He does not jump at you with demonstrations +of love, nor does he swear you an eternal +friendship; but if you know how to win his esteem, +you may rely upon him thoroughly.</p> + +<p>He is a man who pays prompt cash, but will +have the value of his money.</p> + +<p>If ever you travel with a Scotchman from Edinburgh +to London, you may observe that he does not +take his eyes off the country the train goes through. +He looks out of the window all the time, so as not +to miss a pennyworth of the money he has paid +for his place. Remark to him, as you yawn and +stretch yourself, that it's a long, tiring, tiresome +journey, and he will probably exclaim:</p> + +<p>"Long, indeed, long! I should think so, sir; +and so it ought to be for £2 17s. 6d.!"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I know of a Scot, who, rather than pay the toll +of a bridge in Australia, takes off his coat, which +he rolls and straps on his back, in order to swim +across the stream.</p> + +<p>He is not a miser; on the contrary, his generosity +is well known in his own neighbourhood. +He is simply an eccentric Scot, who does not see +why he should pay for crossing a river that he can +cross for nothing.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 12]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>All Scots know how to reckon.—Rabelais in Scotland.—How +Donald made two pence halfpenny by going to the Lock-up.—Difference +between buying and stealing.—Scotch +Honesty.—Last words of a Father to his Son.—Abraham +in Scotland.—How Donald outdid Jonathan.—Circumspection, +Insinuations, and Negations.—Delicious Declarations +of Love.—Laconism.—Conversation reduced to its +simplest Expression.—A, e, i, o, u.—A visit to Thomas +Carlyle.—The Silent Academy of Hamadan.—With the +Author's Compliments.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 68px;"> +<img src="images/capa.jpg" width="68" height="80" alt="A" title="A" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">ll the Scotch know how to read, write, +and reckon.</p> + +<p>Especially reckon.</p> + +<p>The following adventure happened but the +other day.</p> + +<p>A wily Caledonian, accused of having insulted a +policeman, was condemned by the Bailie of his +village to pay a fine of half-a-crown, with the +alternative of six days' imprisonment.</p> + +<p>As there are few Scots who have not half-a-crown +in their pockets, you will perhaps imagine +that Friend Donald paid the money, glad to get out +of the scrape so cheaply.</p> + +<p>Not at all: when you are born in Scotland, +you do not part with your cash without a little +reflection.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 13]</span></p> + +<p>So Donald reflected a moment.</p> + +<p>Will he pay or go to jail? His heart wavers.</p> + +<p>"I will go to jail," he exclaims, suddenly struck +with a luminous idea.</p> + +<p>Now the prison was in the chief town of his +county, and it so happened that he had a little +business to arrange there, but the railway fare was +two shillings and eight pence halfpenny.</p> + +<p>He passes the night in the lock-up, and in the +morning is taken off by train to the prison.</p> + +<p>Once safely there, Donald pulls half-a-crown +from his purse, and demands a receipt of the +governor, who has no choice but to give it him +and set him at liberty. Our hero, proud as a king +at the success of his plan, and the two pence halfpenny +clear profit it has brought him, steers for +the town and arranges his business.</p> + +<p>Rabelais was not more cunning when he +hit upon his stratagem for getting carried to +Paris.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Scotch themselves are fond of telling the +following:</p> + +<p>Dugald—"Did ye hear that Sandy McNab was +ta'en up for stealin' a coo?"</p> + +<p>Donald—"Hoot, toot, the stipit body! Could +he no bocht it, and no paid for 't."</p> + +<p>This explains why the Scotch prisons are relatively +empty. Donald is often in the county court, +but seldom in the police-court.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 14]</span></p> + +<p>A good Scot begins the day with the following +prayer:</p> + +<p>"O Lord! grant that I may take no one in this +day, and that no one may take me in. If Thou +canst grant me but one of these favours, O Lord, +grant that no one may take me in."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>He would be a clever fellow, however, who +could take in Donald.</p> + +<p>There is no country where compacts are more +faithfully kept than in Scotland. When you have +the signature of a Scotchman in your pocket, you +may make your mind easy; but, if you sign an +agreement with him, you may be certain that he +runs no risk of repenting of the transaction.</p> + +<p>He is rarely at fault in his reckoning; but if, by +chance, an error escapes him, it is not he who +suffers by it.</p> + +<p>I must hasten, however, to say that the honesty +of the Scotch in England is proverbial. I have +always heard the English say they liked doing +business with Scotch firms, because they had the +very qualities desirable in a customer: straight-forwardness +and solvency.</p> + +<p>Donald's honesty is all the more admirable, +because he is firmly convinced in his heart, that +he will go straight to Paradise whatever he may +do. You will confess that there is danger about a +Christian who feels sure that many things shall be +forgiven him.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 15]</span></p> + +<p>Perhaps his honesty may be the result of reflection, +if the following little anecdote that was told +me in Scotland is any criterion:</p> + +<p>A worthy father, feeling death at hand, sends +for his son to hear his last counsels.</p> + +<p>"Donald," he says to him, "listen to the last +words of your old father. If you want to get on in +the world, be honest. Never forget that, in all +business, honesty is the best policy. You may +take my word for it, my son,—<i>I hae tried baith</i>."</p> + +<p>This worthy Scot deserved an epitaph in the +style of that one which the late Count Beust +speaks of having seen on a tombstone at Highclere:</p> + +<p>"Here lies Donald, who was as honest a man as +it is possible to be in this world."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Jews never got a footing in Scotland: they +would have starved there.</p> + +<p>They came; but they saw ... and gave it up.</p> + +<p>You may find one or two in Glasgow, but they +are in partnership with Scotchmen, and do not +form a band apart. They do not do much local +business: they are exporters and importers.</p> + +<p>The Aberdonians tell of a Jew who once came +to their city and set up in business; but it was not +long before he packed up his traps and decamped +from that centre of Scotch 'cuteness.</p> + +<p>"Why are you going?" they asked him. "Is it +because there are no Jews in Aberdeen?"<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 16]</span></p> + +<p>"Oh, no," he replied; "I am going because +you are all Jews here."</p> + +<p>An American was so ill-inspired as to try his +hand there where even a Jew had been beaten.</p> + +<p>The good folk of Aberdeen are very proud of +telling the following anecdote, which dates from +only a few months back, and was in everyone's +mouth at the time of my visit to the city of +granite:</p> + +<p>An American lecturer had signed an agreement +with an Aberdonian, by which he undertook to go +and lecture in Aberdeen for a fee of twenty pounds.</p> + +<p>Dazzled by the success of his lectures, which +were drawing full houses in all parts of England, +the American bethought himself that he might have +made better terms with Donald. Acting on this +idea, he soon sent him a telegram, running thus:</p> + +<p>"Enormous success. Invitations numerous. +Cannot do Aberdeen for less than thirty pounds. +Reply prepaid."</p> + +<p>The Scot was not born to be taken in.</p> + +<p>On the contrary.</p> + +<p>Donald, armed with the treaty in his pocket, +goes calmly to the telegraph office and wires:</p> + +<p>"All right. Come on."</p> + +<p>Jonathan, encouraged by the success of this first +venture, rubs his hands, and, two days later, sends +a second telegram, as follows:</p> + +<p>"Invitations more and more numerous. Impossible +to do Aberdeen for less than forty +pounds."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 17]</span></p> + +<p>Donald thinks the thing very natural, and laughs +in his sleeve. He bids the messenger wait, and +without hesitation he scribbles:</p> + +<p>"All right. Come on."</p> + +<p>Jonathan doubtless rubbed his hands harder +than ever, and might have been very surprised +if he had been told that Donald was rubbing +his too.</p> + +<p>However, he arrived in Aberdeen radiant, gave +his lecture, and at the end was presented by +Donald with a cheque for twenty pounds.</p> + +<p>"Twenty pounds—but it is forty pounds you +owe me!"</p> + +<p>"You make a mistake," replied Donald, quietly: +"here is our treaty, signed and registered."</p> + +<p>"But I sent you a telegram to tell you that +I could not possibly come for less than forty +pounds."</p> + +<p>"Quite so," replied Donald, unmoved.</p> + +<p>"And you answered—'All right. Come on.'"</p> + +<p>"That is true."</p> + +<p>"Well then?"</p> + +<p>"Well, my dear sir, it is all right: you have +come—now, you may go."</p> + +<p>Like the crow in La Fontaine's fable, Jonathan +registered a vow ... but a little late.</p> + +<p>"Ah!" cried the Aberdonian who told me the +story, "Jonathan will not go back to America to +tell his compatriots that he took in a Scotchman." +And his eyes gleamed with national pride as he +added: "It was no harm to try."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 18]</span></p> + +<p>He considered the conduct of the American +quite natural, it was clear.</p> + +<p>As for me, I thought that "All right—come on," +a magnificent example of Scotch diplomacy and +humour.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Donald has a still cooler head than his neighbour +John Bull, and that is saying a good deal. +In business, in love even, he never loses his head. +He is circumspect. He proceeds by insinuations, +still oftener by negations, and that even in the +most trifling matters. He does not commit himself: +he <i>doubts</i>, he goes as far as to <i>believe</i>; but he +will never push temerity so far as to be <i>perfectly +sure</i>. Ask a Scotchman how he is. He will +never reply that he is well, but that he is <i>no +bad ava</i>.</p> + +<p>I heard a Scotchman tell the butler to fill his +guests' glasses in the following words:</p> + +<p>"John, if you were to fill our glasses, we wadna +be the waur for 't."</p> + +<p>Remark to a Highlander that the weather is +very warm, and he will reply:</p> + +<p>"I don't doubt but it may be; but that's your +opinion."</p> + +<p>This manner of expressing themselves in hints +and negations must have greatly sharpened the +wits of the Scotch.</p> + +<p>Here, for instance, is a delicious way of making +a young girl understand that you love her, and<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 19]</span> +wish to marry her. I borrow it from Dr. Ramsay's +<i>Reminiscences</i>.</p> + +<p>Donald proposes to Mary a little walk.</p> + +<p>They go out, and in their ramble they pass +through the churchyard.</p> + +<p>Pointing with his finger to one of the graves, +this lover says:</p> + +<p>"My folk lie there, Mary; wad ye like to lie +there?"</p> + +<p>Mary took the grave hint, says the Doctor, and +became his wife, but does not yet <i>lie there</i>.</p> + +<p>Much in the same vein is an anecdote that +was told me in an Edinburgh house one day at +dessert:</p> + +<p>Jamie and Janet have long loved each other, +but neither has spoken word to the other of this +flame.</p> + +<p>At last Donald one day makes up his mind to +break the ice.</p> + +<p>"Janet," he says, "it must be verra sad to lie on +your death bed and hae no ane to houd your han' +in your last moments?"</p> + +<p>"That is what I often say to mysel, Jamie. It +must be a pleasant thing to feel that a frien's +han' is there to close your ee when a' is ower."</p> + +<p>"Ay, ay, Janet; and that is what mak's me +sometimes think o' marriage. After all, we war +na made to live alone."</p> + +<p>"For my pairt, I am no thinkin' o' matrimony. +But still, the thoucht of livin' wi' a mon that I +could care for is no disagreeable to me," says<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 20]</span> +Janet. "Unfortunately, I have not come across +him yet."</p> + +<p>"I believe I hae met wi' the woman I loe," responds +Jamie; "but I dinna ken whether she lo'es +me."</p> + +<p>"Why dinna ye ask her, Jamie?"</p> + +<p>"Janet," says Jamie, without accompanying his +words with the slightest chalorous movement, +"wad ye be that woman I was speakin' of?"</p> + +<p>"If I died before you, Jamie, I wad like your +han' to close my een."</p> + +<p>The engagement was completed with a kiss to +seal the compact.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Scot, in his quality of a man of action, +talks little; all the less, perhaps, because he knows +that he will have to give an account of every idle +word in the Last Day.</p> + +<p>He has reduced conversation to its simplest +expression. Sometimes even he will restrain himself, +much to the despair of foreigners, so far as to +only pronounce the accentuated syllable of each +word. What do I say? The syllable? He will +often sound but the vowel of that syllable.</p> + +<p>Here is a specimen of Scotch conversation, +given by Dr. Ramsay:</p> + +<p>A Scot, feeling the warp of a plaid hanging at a +tailor's door, enquires:</p> + +<p>"Oo?" (Wool?)</p> + +<p><i>Shopkeeper</i>—"Ay, oo." (Yes, wool.)<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 21]</span></p> + +<p><i>Customer</i>—"A' oo?" (All wool?)</p> + +<p><i>Shopkeeper</i>—"Ay, a' oo." (Yes, all wool.)</p> + +<p><i>Customer</i>—"A' ae oo?" (All one wool?)</p> + +<p><i>Shopkeeper</i>—"Ay, a' ae oo." (Yes, all one wool.)</p> + +<p>These are two who will not have much to fear +on the Day of Judgment—eh?"</p> + +<p>You may, perhaps, imagine that laconism could +no further go.</p> + +<p>But you are mistaken; I have something better +still to give you.</p> + +<p>Alfred Tennyson at one time often paid a visit +to Thomas Carlyle at Chelsea.</p> + +<p>On one of those occasions, these two great men, +having gone to Carlyle's library to have a quiet +chat together, seated themselves one on each side +of the fireplace, and lit their pipes.</p> + +<p>And there for two hours they sat, plunged in +profound meditation, the silence being unbroken +save for the little dry regular sound that the lips +of the smokers made as they sent puffs of smoke +soaring to the ceiling. Not one single word broke +the silence.</p> + +<p>After two hours of this strange converse between +two great souls that understood each other without +speech, Tennyson rose to take leave of his +host. Carlyle went with him to the door, and +then, grasping his hand, uttered these words:</p> + +<p>"Eh, Alfred, we've had a grand nicht! Come +back again soon."</p> + +<p>If Thomas Carlyle had lived at Hamadan, he +would have been worthy to fill the first seat in the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 22]</span> +Silent Academy, the chief statute of which was, as +you may remember, worded thus:</p> + +<p>"The Academicians must think much, write +little, and speak as seldom as possible."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Another Scot very worthy of a place in the +Silent Academy was the late Christopher North.</p> + +<p>A professor of the Edinburgh University, having +asked him for the hand of his daughter Jane, +Christopher North fixed a small ticket to Miss +Jane's chest, and announced his decision by thus +presenting the young lady to the professor, who +read with glad eyes:</p> + +<p>"With the Author's compliments."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>The traditional Hospitality of the Highlands.—One more +fond Belief gone.—Highland Bills.—Donald's Two +Trinities.—Never trust Donald on Saturdays or Mondays.—The +Game he prefers.—A well-informed Man.—Ask +no Questions and you will be told no Tales.—How +Donald showed prodigious Things to a Cockney in the +Highlands.—There is no Man so dumb as he who will +not be heard.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 50px;"> +<img src="images/cape.jpg" width="50" height="80" alt="A" title="A" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">ver since the French first heard Boïeldieu's +opera, <i>La Dame Blanche</i>, and were charmed +with the chorus, "Chez les montagnards +écossais l'hospitalité se donne," the Highlander<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 23]</span> +has enjoyed a tremendous reputation for hospitality +on the other side of the Channel.</p> + +<p>I am ready to acknowledge that the Scotch, as +a nation, are most hospitable; but do not talk to +me of the hospitality of the Highlander.</p> + +<p>The hospitality of the mountains, like that of +the valleys, is extinct in almost every place where +modern civilisation has penetrated; the real old-fashioned +article is scarcely to be found except +among the savages.</p> + +<p>Donald has made the acquaintance of railways +and mail coaches, he has transformed his Highlands +into a kind of little Switzerland; in fact, +the man is no longer recognisable.</p> + +<p>The Highlander of the year of grace 1887 is a +wideawake dog, who lies in wait for the innocent +tourist, and knows how to tot you up a bill worthy +of a Parisian boarding-house keeper at Exhibition +time. Woe to you if you fall into his clutches; +before you come out of them you will be plucked, +veritably flayed.</p> + +<p>The Highlander worships two trinities: the +holy one on Sundays, and a metallic one all the +week. £. s. d. is the base of his language. Though +Gaelic should be the veriest Hebrew to you, you +have but to learn the meaning and pronunciation +of the three magic words, and you will have no +difficulty in getting along in the Highlands.</p> + +<p>Every Sabbath he goes in for a thorough spiritual +cleaning; therefore trust him not on Saturday +or Monday—on Saturday, because he says to him<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 24]</span>self, +"Oh! one transgression more or less whilst +I am at it, what does it matter? it is Sunday +to-morrow;" on Monday, because he is all fresh +washed, and ready to begin the week worthily.</p> + +<p>He has a way of giving you your change which +seems to say, "Is it the full change you expect?" +If you keep your hand held out, and appear to +examine what he gives you, his look says: "You +are one of the wideawake sort; we understand +each other."</p> + +<p>Needless to say that the Highlander is glad +to see the tourist, as the hunter is glad to see +game.</p> + +<p>Frenchmen, Germans, Russians, Englishmen, +Americans, all are sure of a welcome—he loves +them all alike.</p> + +<p>Still, perhaps of all the foreign tourists who +visit his hunting-grounds, it is the Americans who +have found the royal road to his heart.</p> + +<p>"The Americans are a great people," said a +Highland innkeeper to me one day. "When you +present an Englishman with his bill, he looks it +over to see that it is all right. He will often dispute +and haggle. The American is a gentleman; +he would think it beneath him to descend to such +trifles. When you bring him his account, he will +wave your hand away and tell you he does not +want your bill; he wants to know how much he +owes you, and that's the end of it."</p> + +<p>His idea of a perfect gentleman is an innocent +who pays his bills without looking at them.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 25]</span></p> + +<p>When he recognises a tourist as a compatriot, +you may imagine what a wry face he makes.</p> + +<p>Just as the hotel-keeper of Interlaken or Chamounix +relegates all his Swiss customers to the +fifth floor rooms, so Donald gives the cold shoulder +to all the Scotch who come his way. With them +he is obliged to submit his bills to the elementary +rules of arithmetic, and be careful that two and +two make only four.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It is said that of all the inhabitants of the earth, +the Paris <i>badaud</i> is the most easy to amuse. I +think, for my part, that his London equivalent +runs him very close. However this may be, the +native of London is an easy prey to the wily Scot.</p> + +<p>They are fond of telling, in Scotland, how +friend Donald one day showed a Cockney really +prodigious things in the Isle of Arran.</p> + +<p>A Londoner, wishing to astonish his friends +with the account of his adventures in Scotland, +resolved to make the ascent of the Goatfell +without the aid of a guide. Arrived at the foot +of the mountain, he informed the guides, who +came to offer him their services, of his intention. +You may imagine if Donald, who had sniffed a +good day's work, meant to give up his bread and +butter without a struggle.</p> + +<p>"Your project is a mad one," our tourist is told. +"You will miss many splendid points of view, and +you will run a thousand risks."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 26]</span></p> + +<p>The ascension of the Goatfell is about as difficult +as that of the Monument; but our hero, who +knew nothing about it, began to turn pale.</p> + +<p>However, he appeared determined to keep to +his resolution; and Donald, who considers he is +being robbed every time anyone climbs his hills +without a guide, begins to grumble.</p> + +<p>Besides, when one is a Highlander, one does +not give up a point so easily as all that. Our +Caledonian resorts to diplomacy. A brilliant idea +occurs to him.</p> + +<p>"Since you will not have a guide," says he, +pretending to withdraw, "good luck to you on +your journey! Mind you don't miss the mysterious +stone."</p> + +<p>"What mysterious stone?" demands the +Cockney.</p> + +<p>"Oh, on the top of the Goatfell," replies +Donald, "there is a stone that might well be +called <i>enchanted</i>. When you stand upon that +stone, no sound, no matter how close or how +loud, can reach your ears."</p> + +<p>"Really?" says the tourist, gaping.</p> + +<p>"A thunderstorm might burst just above your +head, and you would never hear it," added Donald, +who saw that his bait was beginning to take.</p> + +<p>"Prodigious!" cried the Londoner. "How +shall I know the stone? Do tell me."</p> + +<p>"Not easily," insinuated Donald slyly; "it is +scarcely known except to guides. However, I +will try to describe its position to you."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 27]</span></p> + +<p>Here the Scot entered into explanations which +threw the Cockney's brain into a complete muddle.</p> + +<p>"I had better take you, after all, I think," said +the bewildered tourist. "Come along."</p> + +<p>I need not tell you that they were soon at the +wonderful stone.</p> + +<p>The Londoner took up his position on it, and +begged the guide to stand a few steps off and to +shout at the top of his voice.</p> + +<p>Out Scot fell to making all sorts of contortions, +placing his hands to his mouth as if to carry the +sound; but not a murmur reached the ears of the +tourist.</p> + +<p>"Take a rest," he said to Donald; "you will +make yourself hoarse.... It is a fact that I +have not heard a sound. It is prodigious! Now +you go and stand on the stone, and I will shout."</p> + +<p>They changed places.</p> + +<p>The Cockney began to rave with all his might.</p> + +<p>Donald did not move a muscle.</p> + +<p>The dear Londoner made the hills ring with +the sound of his voice, but his guide gazed at him +as calmly as Nature that surrounded them.</p> + +<p>"Don't you hear anything?" cried the poor +tourist.</p> + +<p>Donald was not so silly as to fall into the trap. +He feigned not to hear, and kept up his impassive +expression.</p> + +<p>The Cockney continued to howl.</p> + +<p>"Shout louder," cried Donald; "I can hear +nothing."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 28]</span></p> + +<p>"It's wonderful; it is enough to take one's +breath away. I never saw anything so remarkable +in my life!"</p> + +<p>And putting his hand in his pocket, he drew +out a golden coin, and slipped it into Donald's +hand.</p> + +<p>This done, they left the marvel behind, and +climbed to the summit of the Goatfell, the clever +guide carefully picking out all the roughest paths, +and doing his best to give his patient plenty of +dangers for his money.</p> + +<p>That night, after having made a note of all his +day's adventures, the proud tourist added, as a +future caution to his friends:</p> + +<p>"Be sure and take a guide for the Goatfell!"</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Resemblance of Donald to the Norman.—Donald marketing.—Bearding +a Barber.—Norman Replies.—Cant.—Why +the Whisky was not marked on the Hotel Bill.—New +Use for the Old and New Testaments.—You should love +your Enemies and not swallow them.—A modest Wish.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 62px;"> +<img src="images/capf.jpg" width="62" height="80" alt="F" title="F" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">riend Donald resembles the Norman +very closely.</p> + +<p>Like him, he is cunning and circumspect, +with the composed exterior of Puss taking +a doze.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 29]</span></p> + +<p>We say in France, "Answering like a Norman." +That means, "to give an evasive, ambiguous +answer—neither <i>yes</i> nor <i>no</i>."</p> + +<p>They might say in England, "Answering like a +Scot," to express the same idea.</p> + +<p>Look at Donald, with the corners of his mouth +drawn back, and his eyes twinkling as he nods at +you and answers <i>Ay</i>, or shakes his head as he says +<i>Na</i>, <i>na</i>; and you will be convinced that he is compromised +neither by the one nor the other.</p> + +<p>At market the resemblance is perfect.</p> + +<p>He strolls into the stall as if he did not want +anything more than a look round. He examines +the goods with a most indifferent eye, turns them +over and over, and finds fault with them. He +seems to say to the stall-keeper:</p> + +<p>"You certainly could not have the impudence +to ask a good price for such stuff as this."</p> + +<p>If he buys, he pays with a protest.</p> + +<p>When he pockets cash, on the contrary, admire +the rapidity of the proceeding.</p> + +<p>I one day heard a Norman, who had just been +profiting by being in town on market-day to get +shaved, say to the barber, with the most innocent +air in the world:</p> + +<p>"My word, I'm very sorry not to have a penny +to give you, but my wife and I have spent all our +money; I have only a halfpenny left.... I will +owe you till next time."</p> + +<p>Compare this Norman with the hero of the +following little anecdote which the Scotch tell.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 30]</span></p> + +<p>A Scot, who sold brooms, went into a Glasgow +barber's shop to get shaved.</p> + +<p>The barber bought a broom of Donald, and, +after having shaved him, asked what he owed him +for the broom.</p> + +<p>"Two pence," said Donald.</p> + +<p>"No, no," said the barber; "it's too dear. I will +give you a penny, and if you are not satisfied, you +can take your broom again."</p> + +<p>Donald pocketed the penny, and asked what he +had to pay for being shaved.</p> + +<p>"A penny," replied the barber.</p> + +<p>"Na, na," said Donald; "I will give ye a +bawbee, an' if ye are no satisfied, ye can pit my +beard back again."</p> + +<p>This is Norman to the life.</p> + +<p>The Scot pays when he has given his signature, +or when there is no help for it.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It has been said that the farthing was introduced +to allow the Scotch to be generous. This +is calumny; for the Scot is charitable: but if +collections in Scotch churches were made in bags, +there might be rather a run on the small copper +coin.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>If you would see still another point of resemblance +between the Scot and the Norman, +look at them as they indulge in their little pet +transgression.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 31]</span></p> + +<p>When Donald orders his glass of whisky, he is +always careful to say:</p> + +<p>"Waiter, a <i>small</i> whisky."</p> + +<p>The Irishman asks for a "strong whisky," +straight out, like a man.</p> + +<p>Donald is modest, he asks for his <i>small</i>. That +is the allowance of sober folks, and the dear fellow +is one of them. But just add up at the end of the +evening the number of <i>wee draps</i> that he has on +his conscience, and you will find they make a very +respectable total.</p> + +<p>Now look at the Norman taking his cups of <i>café +tricolore</i> after dinner.</p> + +<p>Do not imagine that he is going to take up the +three bottles of brandy, rum, and kirschwasser, +and pour himself out some of their contents. +No, no; he would be too much afraid of exceeding +the dose. He measures it into his spoon, which +he holds horizontally; and, to see the precautions +he takes, you would think he was a chemist preparing +a doctor's prescription.</p> + +<p>"A teaspoonful of each," he says to you; "that +is my quantity."</p> + +<p>But how they brim over, those spoonfuls! +When the overflow has fallen into the cup, he +shows you the full spoon, with the remark:</p> + +<p>"One of each kind, no more."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Scotch shrewdness expresses itself in a phraseology +all its own, and of which Donald alone<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 32]</span> +possesses the secret. He handles the English +language with the talent of the most wily +diplomatist. He has a happy knack of combining +irony and humour, as the following story shows:</p> + +<p>An English author had sent his latest production +to several men of letters, requesting them to kindly +give him their opinion of his book. A Scotchman +replied:</p> + +<p>"Many thanks for the book which you did me +the honour to send me. I will lose no time in +reading it."</p> + +<p>Quite a Norman response, only more delicate.</p> + +<p>Scotch shrewdness has occasionally a certain +smack of mild hypocrisy, which, however, does +no harm to anyone.</p> + +<p>Here are two examples of it that rather +diverted me:</p> + +<p>I was in the smoking-room of the Grand Hotel +at Glasgow one evening.</p> + +<p>Near me, sitting at a little table, were two +gentlemen—unmistakably Scotch, as their accent +proclaimed.</p> + +<p>One of them calls the waiter, and orders a glass +of whisky.</p> + +<p>"What is the number of your room, sir?" asks +the waiter, having put the whisky and water-jug +on the table.</p> + +<p>"No matter, waiter; don't put it on the bill. +Here is the money."</p> + +<p>"Very clever, that Caledonian," said I to +myself, as I noted the wink to the waiter and<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 33]</span> +the glance thrown to the other occupant of the +table.</p> + +<p>True it is, <i>Scripta manent</i>!</p> + +<p>If his wife accidentally puts her hand on his +hotel bill in the pocket of his coat, there is no +harm done—no sign of any but the most innocent +articles.</p> + +<p>Another time I was in a Scotchman's library.</p> + +<p>While waiting for my host, who was to rejoin +me there, I had a look at his books, most of which +treated of theology.</p> + +<p>Two volumes, admirably bound, attracted my +gaze. They were marked on the back—one, <i>Old +Testament</i>, the other, <i>New Testament</i>. I tried to take +down the first volume; but, to my surprise, the +second moved with it. Were the two volumes +fixed together? or were they stuck by accident? +Not suspecting any mystery, I pulled hard. The +Old Testament and the New Testament were in +one, and came together. The handsome binding +was nothing but the cover of a box of cigars. +No more Testament than there is on the palm +of my hand: cigars—first-rate cigars—nothing +but cigars, placed there under the protection of the +holy patriarchs.</p> + +<p>I had time to put all in place again before my +host came; but I was not at my ease. I was quite +innocent, of course; but—I don't know why—when +one has discovered a secret, one feels +guilty of having taken something that belongs to +another.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 34]</span></p> + +<p>At last my host entered, closed the door, and, +rubbing his hands, said:</p> + +<p>"Now I am at your service. Excuse me for +leaving you alone a few moments. I have settled +my business, and we will have a cigar together, if +you like."</p> + +<p>So saying, he opened the door of a small cupboard +made in the wall, and cleverly hidden by a +picture of "John Knox imploring Mary Stuart to +abjure the Catholic faith." It was, as you see, +rather a mysterious library. From this cupboard +he took some glasses—and something to fill +them agreeably withal. Then, without betraying +the slightest embarrassment, without a smile +or a glance, he brought the twin volumes which +had so astonished me, and laid them on the +table. I had the pleasure of making closer +acquaintance with the cigars, that seemed to +bring a recommendation from Moses and the +prophets.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>An anecdote on the ready wit of Donald:</p> + +<p>He meets his pastor, who remonstrates with +him upon the subject of his intemperate habits.</p> + +<p>"You are too fond of whisky, Donald; you +ought to know very well that whisky is your +enemy."</p> + +<p>"But, minister, have you not often told us that +we ought to love our enemies?" says Donald, +slyly.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 35]</span></p> + +<p>"Yes, Donald; but I never told you that you +should swallow them," replies the pastor, who was +as witty as his parishioner.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>What anecdotes I heard in Scotland on the +subject of whisky, to be sure!</p> + +<p>Here is a good one for the last. I owe it to a +learned professor of the Aberdeen University.</p> + +<p>Donald feels the approach of death.</p> + +<p>The minister of his village is at his bedside, +preparing him by pious exhortations for the great +journey.</p> + +<p>"Have you anything on your mind, Donald? +Is there any question you would like to ask me?" +And the minister bent down to listen to the dying +man's reply.</p> + +<p>"Na, meenister, I'm na afeard.... I +wad like to ken whether there'll be whisky in +heaven?"</p> + +<p>Upon his spiritual counsellor remonstrating with +him upon such a thought at such a moment, he +hastened to add, with a knowing look:</p> + +<p>"Oh! it's no that I mind, meenister; I only +thoucht I'd like to see it on the table!"<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 36]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Democratic Spirit in Scotland.—One Scot as good as +another.—Amiable Beggars.—Familiarity of Servants.—Shout +all together!—A Scotchman who does +not admire his Wife.—Donald's Pride.—The Queen and +her Scotch People.—Little Presents keep alive Friendship.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 70px;"> +<img src="images/capt.jpg" width="70" height="80" alt="T" title="T" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">he Scotch are an essentially democratic +people. I take the word in its social, not +its political, sense; although it might be +asserted without hesitation, that if ever there was +a nation formed for living under a republic, it is +the Scotch—serious, calm, wise, law-abiding, and +ever ready to respect the opinions of others. Yet +the Scotch are perhaps the most devoted subjects +of the English crown.</p> + +<p>The English and Scotch are republicans, with +democratic institutions, living under a monarchy.</p> + +<p>When I say that the Scotch are a democratic +people, I mean that in Scotland, still more than in +England, one man is as good as another.</p> + +<p>The Scot does not admit the existence of demigods. +In his eyes, the robes of the priest or judge +cover a man, not an oracle.</p> + +<p>Always ready for a bit of argument, he criticises +an order, a sermon, a verdict even.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 37]</span></p> + +<p>Religious as he is, yet he will weigh every +utterance of his pastor before accepting it. He +respects the law; but if his bailie inflicts on him a +fine that he thinks unjust, he does not scruple to +tell him a piece of his mind; and if ever you wish +to be told your daily duty at home, you have but +to engage a Scotch servant.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Donald knows how to accept social inferiority; +he may perhaps envy his betters, but he does not +hate them. He never abdicates his manhood's +dignity: an obsequious Scotchman is unknown.</p> + +<p>In Scotland, even a beggar has none of those +abject manners that denote his class elsewhere. +His look seems to say:—</p> + +<p>"Come, my fine fellow, listen to me a minute: +you have money and I have none; you might give +me a penny."</p> + +<p>I remember one in Edinburgh, who stopped +me politely, yet without touching his cap, and +said:</p> + +<p>"You look as if you had had a good dinner, +sir; won't you give me something to buy a meal +with?"</p> + +<p>I took him to a cook-shop and bought him a +pork pie.</p> + +<p>"If you don't mind," said he, "I'll have veal."</p> + +<p>Why certainly! everyone to his taste, to be sure.</p> + +<p>I acquiesced with alacrity. He was near shaking +hands with me.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 38]</span></p> + +<p>Donald is plain spoken with everyone. In +Scotland, as in France, there are still to be found +old servants whose familiarity would horrify an +Englishman, but whom the <i>bonhomie</i> of Scotch +masters tolerates without a murmur, in consideration +of the fidelity and devotion of these honest +servants.</p> + +<p>Like every man who is conscious of his strength, +the Scot is good-humoured; he rarely loses his +temper.</p> + +<p>The familiarity of the servant and good-humour +of the master, in Scotland, are delightfully illustrated +in the two following anecdotes, which were +told me in Scotland.</p> + +<p>Donald is serving at table. Several guests +claim his attention at once: one wants bread, +another wine, another vegetables. Donald does +not know which way to turn. Presently, losing +patience, he apostrophises the company thus:</p> + +<p>"That's it; cry a'together—that's the way to be +served!"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>A laird, in the county of Aberdeen, had a well-stocked +fowl yard, but could never get any new-laid +eggs for breakfast.</p> + +<p>He wanted to penetrate the mystery. So he +lay in ambush, and discovered that his gardener's +wife went to the hen-roost every morning, filled +her basket with the eggs, and made straight for +the market to sell them.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 39]</span></p> + +<p>The first time he met his gardener, he said to +him:</p> + +<p>"James, I like you very weel, for I think you +serve me faithfully; but, between oursels, I canna +say that I hae muckle admiration for your wife."</p> + +<p>"I'm no surprised at that, laird," replied James, +"for I dinna muckle admire her mysel!"</p> + +<p>What could the poor laird say? This fresh +union of sympathies united them only more closely.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"Proud as a Highlander" is a common saying. +His gait tells you what he is. He walks with +head thrown back, and shoulders squared; his +step is firm and springy. It is a man who says to +himself twenty times a day:</p> + +<p>"I am a Scotchman."</p> + +<p>Such an exalted opinion has he of his race that +when Queen Victoria gave Princess Louise to the +Marquis of Lorne in marriage, the general feeling +in the Highlands was, as everybody knows, "The +Queen maun be a prood leddy the day!"</p> + +<p>The English were astonished at the Queen's +consenting to give her daughter to one of her +subjects. They looked upon it as a <i>mésalliance</i>. +The Scotch were not far from doing the same—a +Campbell marry a simple Brunswick!</p> + +<p>It is in the Highlands that this national pride is +preserved intact. Mountainous countries always +keep their characteristics longer than others.</p> + +<p>Everyone knows that the Queen of England<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 40]</span> +passes a great part of the year in her Castle of +Balmoral, in the heart of the Highlands, among +her worthy Scotch people, whom she appears to +prefer to all her other subjects. She visits the +humblest cottages, and sends delicacies to the +sick and aged.</p> + +<p>The good folk do not accept the bounty of their +Queen without making her a return for it in +kind. Yes—in kind. The women knit her a pair +of stockings or a shawl, and the Queen delights +them by accepting their presents.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Scottish Perseverance.—Thomas Carlyle, David Livingstone, +and General Gordon.—Literary Exploits of a Scotchman.—Scottish Students.—All +the Students study.—A +useful Library.—A Family of three.—Coming, sir, +coming!—Killed in Action.—Scotchmen at Oxford.—Balliol +College.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">t is not in business alone that the Scotchman +shows that obstinate perseverance which so +characterises his nation. Thomas Carlyle +would have passed a whole year searching out the +exact date of the most insignificant incident. +That is why his <i>Frederick the Great</i> is the finest +historical monument of the century.</p> + +<p>It is this same Scotch perseverance which makes +Watts, Livingstones, and Gordons. Never were<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 41]</span> +there brighter illustrations of what can be done +by power of mind united to power of endurance.</p> + +<p>I have seen them at work, those resolute, indomitable +Scots. I have known some whose +performances were nothing short of feats of valour.</p> + +<p>Here is one that I have fresh in my memory.</p> + +<p>A young Scotchman, on leaving Oxford, had +been appointed master in one of the great public +schools of England. He began with the elementary +classes. At that time he intended to devote +himself to the study of science.</p> + +<p>He told the head master of his intention, and +asked his advice.</p> + +<p>"If I were you," said the head master, "I would +do nothing of the kind. I feel sure you have very +special aptitude for Greek, and that if you will +but direct your attention to that, you have a +brilliant future before you. Let me trace you out +a programme?"</p> + +<p>This programme was enough to frighten the +most enterprising of men. A Scotchman alone +could undertake to carry it out.</p> + +<p>Our young master accepted the task.</p> + +<p>He took an apartment in the Temple, turned +his back on his friends, and became an inaccessible +hermit.</p> + +<p>For three years he lived only for his books, +consecrating to them that which, at his age, is +generally consecrated to pleasure and comfort.</p> + +<p>Nothing could turn him from the end he had in +view.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 42]</span></p> + +<p>One after another he read all the Greek authors. +Nothing that had been written by poet, philosopher, +historian, or grammarian, escaped him.</p> + +<p>At the end of three years, he reappeared, wasted +by the vigils and privations of this life of study; +but the last touches had been put to the manuscript +of a book, which, when it appeared three +months later, was pronounced a masterpiece of +scholarship, and made quite a revolution in the +Greek world.</p> + +<p>To-day this young Scotchman is one of the +brightest lights in the higher walks of literature +in Great Britain.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The students of the great Universities of Scotland +offer, perhaps, the most striking proofs of +perseverance to be found.</p> + +<p>At Oxford and Cambridge, you find all sorts of +students, especially students who do not study.</p> + +<p>In Scotland, all students study.</p> + +<p>To be able to have the luxury of studying, or +rather "residing" (such is the less pretentious +name in use), at Oxford or Cambridge, you must +be well-to-do.</p> + +<p>In Scotland, as in Germany, Greece, Switzerland, +and America, the poorest young men may +aspire to university honours; but often at the cost +of what privations!</p> + +<p>Here are a few incidents of students' life in +Scotland. They struck me as being very interest<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 43]</span>ing, +very touching. I borrow them, for the most +part, from a writer who published them in a Scotch +<i>Review</i> during my stay in Edinburgh.</p> + +<p>He mentions one young man, of fine manners +and aristocratic appearance, who dined but three +times a week, and then upon a hot two-penny pie. +On the other days he lived on dry bread.</p> + +<p>Another had an ingenious way of turning his +scanty resources to account. Spreading out his +books where the hearthrug would naturally have +been, he would lie there, learning his task by the +light of a fire, made from the roots of decayed +trees, which he had dug in a wood near Edinburgh, +and carried to his lodgings.</p> + +<p>Three Scotchmen, now occupying high positions, +shared a room containing one bed; and for a year +at least, while attending Aberdeen University, +they had no other lodging. The bed was a very +narrow one, and quite incapable of holding two +persons at once; so two worked while the other +slept, and when they went to bed, he rose.</p> + +<p>Two other students excited a great deal of +curiosity for some time. One carried his books +before him just as if they had been a tray, while +he glided noiselessly to his place. This mystery +was explained when it was learned that he had +been a hotel waiter. During the winter he pursued +his studies; and when summer returned, it +found him, with serviette across his arm, earning +the necessary fees for his next winter's course of +study.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 44]</span></p> + +<p>He never could quite throw off the waiter. +If a professor called his name suddenly, he +would start up and answer, "Coming, sir—coming!"</p> + +<p>The other was more mysterious still. As soon +as recitation was over, he would start away from +the class-room and make for the environs of the +town as fast as he could run. It was at last discovered +that he kept a little book shop at some +distance from the University, and, being too poor +to hire an assistant, had to close his door to customers +while he went to recite his lessons.</p> + +<p>Professor Blackie tells of one young student, +who lived for a whole session on red herrings and +a barrel of potatoes, sent him from home. The +poor fellow's health so gave way under this meagre +diet, that he died before his course of study was +finished.</p> + +<p>The learned Professor mentions also another +very touching case of a young student who fell a +victim to his thirst for knowledge. The poor +fellow had so weakened his stomach by privation, +that he died from eating a good meal given him by +a kind friend.</p> + +<p>I said just now that little work was done +at the University of Oxford. Exception must, +however, be made in the case of the famous +Balliol College.</p> + +<p>But whom do we find there?</p> + +<p>This college is full of Scotch students, who +succeed in keeping themselves at Oxford, thanks<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 45]</span> +to their frugality and industry. It is not unfrequent +to find them giving lessons to the undergraduates +of other colleges!</p> + +<p>And what lessons the Scotch can give the +English!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Good old Times.—A Trick.—Untying Cravats.—Bible and +Whisky.—Evenings in Scotland.—The Dining-room.—Scots +of the Old School.—Departure of the Whisky and +Arrival of the Bible.—The Nightcap in Scotland.—Five +hours' Rest.—The Gong and its Effects.—Fresh as +Larks.—Iron Stomachs.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 53px;"> +<img src="images/caps.jpg" width="53" height="80" alt="S" title="S" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">cotchmen still drink hard; but where +are the joyous days when the Scotch host +broke the glasses off at the stem, so that +his guests should drink nothing but bumpers?</p> + +<p>Scotchmen still drink hard; but where are the +good old times, when it was thought a slight to +your host to go to bed without the help of a couple +of servants?</p> + +<p>Scotchmen still drink hard; but where is the +time when people recommended a <i>protégé</i>, who was +a candidate for a vacant post, by adding at the +foot of his petition, "He is a trustworthy man—capable, +hard-working, and a fine drinker"?</p> + +<p>Lord Cockburn, who was a sober man, mentions +how he was once dining in a friend's house, and +towards the end of the dinner was surprised to<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 46]</span> +see the number of guests around the table +diminishing, although no one had left the room. +He set himself to solve the mystery, and soon +discovered that they had rolled under the table, +one after the other. A bright idea occurred to +him. There was a bit of ground free near his +feet; he would secure it, and escape from the +drink without drawing down on himself the displeasure +of his host.</p> + +<p>Feigning to be helplessly drunk, he slid under +the table.</p> + +<p>Scarcely had he taken his place among the +victims of this Scot's hospitality, when he felt a +pair of hands at his throat.</p> + +<p>"What is it?" asked he, alarmed.</p> + +<p>"All right, sir," said a voice at his ear; "I am +the boy as looses the cravats!"</p> + +<p>He submitted to the treatment, and then lay +patiently waiting till the servants came and carried +him to bed.</p> + +<p>Scotchmen still drink hard; but where is the +time when, about eleven in the evening, the ladies +of the house withdrew to their rooms and locked +themselves in, to escape from the drunken humours +of the men who, the next morning, would treat +them with all the respect due to their sex?</p> + +<p>Yes, Scotchmen still drink hard; and if they +only consecrated to Venus half—nay, one tenth—of +the time that they consecrate to Bacchus, +Scotchwomen would be the most envied women +in the world.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 47]</span></p> + +<p>Donald is theological in his cups: that is to say, +the Bible, which every true Scot is full of, comes +up as the whisky goes down; so that when the +said whisky has floated the Bible, the Scotchman +begins to discuss the most subtle biblical +questions.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>This is how the evening is passed in Scotland.</p> + +<p>Dinner is served about seven. After dessert, +the ladies retire to the drawing-room while the +gentlemen finish their wine, smoke, and take +coffee. This done, they join the ladies in the +drawing-room, where tea is served, and an hour +or so passed in conversation and music. At +eleven, the gentlemen return to the dining-room +or go to the library. Whisky and cigars are +brought, and the fête begins. Several times, +when the master of the house beckoned to me to +follow him from the drawing-room, I tried to make +him understand that I was very contented in the +company of the ladies; but it was useless. He +would generally take my arm and say:</p> + +<p>"Come along!"</p> + +<p>As who should say:</p> + +<p>"Enough of that; you are a man, are you not? +Come and pass the evening in manly fashion."</p> + +<p>There was nothing to do but follow.</p> + +<p>I pleaded all kinds of excuses to avoid this part +of the entertainment.</p> + +<p>"The doctor has forbidden me to drink," I<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 48]</span> +mildly suggested once or twice, "or I should be +very happy, I assure you."</p> + +<p>Occasionally I tried to bring to bear more serious +reasons—business reasons—such as:</p> + +<p>"Excuse me, I have to lecture almost every +day, and I am a little afraid for my voice."</p> + +<p>Much use this! Such an excuse came near +rendering me ridiculous in the eyes of those lusty +Scots. They were ready to exclaim,</p> + +<p>"What milksops those Frenchmen are!"</p> + +<p>For the honour of the French flag, I would mix +myself a glass of toddy; and by just taking a sip +every quarter of an hour, make it last out the +sitting, which seldom ended before two in the +morning.</p> + +<p>By a little after midnight, the tongues seem to +tire, and conversation flags. At regular intervals +come the solemn puff, puff, puff, from the smokers' +lips, and the long spiral columns of smoke float +noiselessly upwards. The faces grow long and +solemn to match: it is the Bible rising to the +surface. Soon it floats—as I explained just now—and +conversation starts again on theology. +Each has his own manner of interpreting the +Scriptures, and burns to explain it to his neighbour. +Then follow the subtlest arguments, the +most interminable discussions. I listen. If I +have not many talents, I have at least one—that +of being able to hold my tongue in English, +Scotch, and all imaginable languages.</p> + +<p>The whisky continues to pass from the bottle to<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 49]</span> +the glasses, and from the glasses to the throats of +the company. The Bible comes up faster than +ever. When the guests are well emptied of +theology, everyone takes his nightcap—the signal +for breaking up. The nightcap is generally the +little whisky left in the decanter; to do it honour, +it is taken neat. All get up, shake hands, and say +Good-night. As you leave your host, you ask +him at what time breakfast is served, and he +replies:</p> + +<p>"At eight."</p> + +<p>At eight! Can he mean it? Deducting the +necessary time for undressing, and for getting +through your morning toilet, there remain scarcely +five hours for sleep. The thought that you must +make haste and get to sleep, in order to have a +chance of being able to wake between seven and +half-past, is just enough to prevent you from +closing your eyes for the night. Thank goodness, +your host, in his solicitude, has foreseen the +difficulty. At seven o'clock, a horrible din makes +you start up in bed and tremble from head to foot. +It is a servant sounding the gong—a sort of tam-tam +of Chinese invention—which fills the house +with a noise fit to make you reproduce all the contortions +that manufacturers of porcelain attribute +to the Celestials. You rise, and dress as fast as +you can. Your features look drawn; your head +feels upside down; your eyes seem coming out of +your head; you have the hairache: but you +console yourself with the thought of the others.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 50]</span> +What will they be like? What a figure they will +cut at table!</p> + +<p>You were never more mistaken. In they come, +the lusty rascals, looking as bright as the lark. +Nothing on their faces betray the libations of over +night, or the scanty measure of sleep they have +been able to get.</p> + +<p>"What an iron race, these Scots!" I have +often exclaimed to myself. "Who could hope to +compete with them?"</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Religion and Churches in Scotland.—Why Scotch Bishops +cut a poor Figure.—Companies for insuring against the +Accidents of the Life to come.—Religious Lecture-Rooms.—No +one can serve two Masters.—How the +Gospel Camel was able to pass through the Eye of a +Needle.—Incense and Common Sense.—I understand, +therefore I believe.—Conversions at Home.—Conversions +in open Air.—A modest Preacher.—A well-filled +Week.—Touching Piety.—Donald recommends John +Bull and Paddy to the Lord.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 60px;"> +<img src="images/capg.jpg" width="60" height="80" alt="G" title="G" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">reat Britain boasts two State +Churches: the Anglican, or Episcopal, +Church in England and Wales, and the +Presbyterian Church in Scotland.</p> + +<p>The Presbyterian Church is not under the jurisdiction +of a bishop, but of a General Assembly, +composed of lay and ecclesiastical deputies +elected by the towns and universities, and pre<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 51]</span>sided +over by a Moderator, elected by the Assembly, +and a Lord High Commissioner, appointed +every year by the Queen, and requited for this +arduous task with two thousand pounds.</p> + +<p>The Scotch Presbyterian Church was established +in 1560; but the Stuarts re-established the +Episcopalian Church in 1662. The Revolution of +1688, followed by the accession of the Prince of +Orange to the throne of England, made Presbyterianism +flourish again, and its ministers still +receive emoluments from the State.</p> + +<p>The Episcopalian Church still exists in Scotland, +governed by seven bishops; but, by the +irony of fate, she has become, as it were, a sort +of dissenting Church.</p> + +<p>Scotland has many Catholics. Two archbishops +and four bishops watch over the spiritual +health of this flock.</p> + +<p>In 1843, many Scotchmen, having discovered +that it was contrary to Scripture to have ministers +appointed by the State, founded the Free +Church, which at the present time rivals the +Presbyterian in importance.</p> + +<p>The religious zeal of the Scotch may be judged +from the fact that, in the year of the separation, +a sum of nearly £400,000 was contributed by the +faithful desirous of founding a Free Church. This +Church has eleven hundred pastors, receiving +salaries of about £200 a year. Not less than +£560,000 were sent, in 1882, to the Chief Moderator, +to help meet the expenses of this free faith.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 52]</span></p> + +<p>Such are the large centres of religious activity. +Besides these, there are, as in England, nearly +two hundred dissenting sects.</p> + +<p>You may imagine whether the Devil has a hard +time of it in Scotland.</p> + +<p>All these spiritual insurance companies live in +perfect harmony, and are flourishing.</p> + +<p>It is only the Scotch bishops who cut a rather +pitiable figure. To be a lord bishop, and not to +be able to lord it a little, is hard. When I was in +the North of Scotland, I saw one arrive at Buckie +station, on his way to inspect the church of the +town. The clergyman had come to meet him. +They took the road to the vicarage, <i>pedibus cum +jambis</i>, and my lord bishop's gaiters attracted no +more attention from the good Buckie folk than +did the ulster of your humble servant.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>In Catholic countries, where religion exacts a +life of sacrifice and abnegation from its ministers, +the priesthood is a vocation. In Protestant countries, +where religion imposes but few restrictions +on those who serve about the altar, the Church is +a profession.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Scotch places of worship are much alike inside +and out. Outside, the roofs are more or less +pointed; inside, the singing is more or less out +of tune.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 53]</span></p> + +<p>Let us go into the first we come to.</p> + +<p>Four whitewashed walls, with a ceiling to match, +or a roof supported by bare rafters; no pictures, +no statues; just straight-backed benches, and a +high desk or pulpit: it is a lecture-room. Not +a single outer sign of fervour: no kneeling, no +clasped hands, or other sign of supplication. +The faces are cross-looking and forbidding, or +else apathetic.</p> + +<p>It is curious to reflect that these unmoved faces +belong to people who would die to defend their +liberty of conscience.</p> + +<p>Drawling hymns, psalms and canticles sung in +the twelve different semi-tones of the chromatic +scale; sermons full of theological subtleties, objections +raised and explained away.</p> + +<p>The preacher does not seek to appeal to the +soul by eloquence, to the heart by tenderness and +grace, or to the taste by style. He addresses +himself to the reason alone.</p> + +<p>Some preachers read their sermons, some recite +them, others give them <i>ex tempore</i>. These latter +are the most interesting.</p> + +<p>Here and there I heard sermons that were +enough to send one to sleep on one's feet; you +can imagine the effect upon an audience who had +to hear them in a sitting posture. But Scotland +has not the monopoly of this kind of eloquence; +from time immemorial it has been the custom of a +certain proportion of church-goers to shut their +eyes to listen to the sermon.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 54]</span></p> + +<p>Religion is still sterner in Scotland than in +England. It is arid, like the soil of the country; +angular, like the bodies of the inhabitants; thorny, +like the national emblem of Scotland.</p> + +<p>One Sunday I went to a church in Glasgow. +The preacher chose for his text the passage from +St. Matthew's Gospel commencing with "No +man can serve two masters," and ending "Ye +cannot serve God and Mammon."</p> + +<p>About three thousand worshippers, careworn +and devoured by the thirst for lucre, listened +unmoved to the diatribes of the worthy pastor, +and were preparing, by a day of rest, for the +headlong race after wealth that they were going +to resume on the morrow.</p> + +<p>What a never-ending theme is the contempt +for riches! What sermons in the desert, +preached by bishops with princely pay, or +poor curates who treat fortune as Master +Reynard treated certain grapes that hung out +of reach.</p> + +<p>I was never more edified than on that Sunday +in Glasgow, especially when the assembly struck +up—</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p> +"O Paradise, O Paradise!<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">'Tis weary waiting here;</span><br /> +I long to be where Jesus is,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To feel, to see him near.</span><br /> +O Paradise, O Paradise!<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I greatly long to see</span><br /> +The special place my dearest Lord<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In love prepares for me!"</span><br /> +</p></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 55]</span>"Ah! +my dear Caledonians," thought I, seeing +them in such a hurry, "it is better to suffer, even +in Glasgow, than to die!"</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p> +<i>Mieux vaut souffrir que mourir<br /> +C'est la devise des hommes.</i><br /> +</p></div> + +<p>By the bye, dear reader, how do you like the +expression <i>special place</i>? Did I exaggerate when +I told you the Scotch expect to find places specially +reserved for them in Heaven?</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>This is how I learned by experience never to +enter into theological discussions with the Scotch.</p> + +<p>I had been to morning service in an Edinburgh +church with a Scotchman, and there again had +heard a sermon on the worthlessness of riches. +The minister had preached from the text, "And +again I say unto you: it is easier for a camel to +go through the eye of a needle than for a rich +man to enter into the kingdom of Heaven."</p> + +<p>In my innocence, or rather in my ignorance, I +had always seen in these words of our Lord a +condemnation of riches—a condemnation without +appeal, and looked upon the man who sought to +be rich, and the man who did not scatter his +wealth, as persons who willingly forfeited all +chance of entering Heaven.</p> + +<p>On leaving the church, my companion and I +began to talk of the sermon. The Scotch discuss +a sermon on their way home from church, as we +French people discuss the merits of a new play<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 56]</span> +that we have just seen at the theatre. As we +went along, I communicated my views to my +friend. He turned on me a glance full of compassion.</p> + +<p>"It is easy to see, my dear sir," he said, "that +you have been brought up in a religion that does +not encourage discussion. The result is that you +swallow without resistance theories which would +make our children start with indignation. If +Christ's phrase could be interpreted in your +fashion, it would be neither more nor less than +an absurdity. He meant to say that it was more +difficult for a rich man than a poor one to be +saved, but not that it was impossible."</p> + +<p>"But," I began, "it is impossible for a camel to +go through the eye of a needle."</p> + +<p>Here my companion's smile became more sarcastic. +I foresaw that his explanation was going +to stagger me, and so it did.</p> + +<p>"You seem to be in earnest," said he; "let me +enlighten you. There existed at Jerusalem, in +our Saviour's time, a gateway called the <i>Needle's +Eye</i>. Although one of the principal entrances to +the city, this gateway was so narrow that a camel +could only get through it with difficulty. So +Christ meant to say——"</p> + +<p>"Enough," I cried, "my ignorance is terrible. +I never felt it so much as at this moment."</p> + +<p>"You see," he added in a rather bantering tone, +"in Scotch churches there is no incense ... but +there is common sense."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 57]</span></p> + +<p>Nothing mystic in the religion of the Scotch. +The Old and New Testaments are submitted to +the finest sifting. Every passage is explained. +They are served up as an intellectual food.</p> + +<p>Here people do not see because they believe; +they believe because they see. Faith is based +upon reason.</p> + +<p>It is easy to understand why the Scotchman, +still more than the Englishman, is common sense +personified.</p> + +<p>You will see young fellows, scarcely come to +manhood, meet together, and discuss the most +subtle questions of theology with all the earnestness +of doctors of divinity.</p> + +<p>It is a powerful school. Reason ripens in the +open air of discussion.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Very practical this religion of the Scotch!</p> + +<p>I extract the following passage from the letter +of a young Scotchman, magistrate in India:—</p> + +<p>"Time passes tolerably here. For that matter, +we are too busy to be much bored. Week follows +week, and each is rather like the one that went +before; but all are well filled up. Last Monday, I +condemned an Indian to six months' imprisonment +and held three inquests. On Tuesday, I presided +at a meeting called for the purpose of hearing the +report of the Zanana Missions. On Wednesday, +I went to races and won £25. Everyone had bet +on Mignonne, who was backed at two to one; but<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 58]</span> +seeing that the ground was damp and slippery, I +chose Phœbus, a heavier horse, backed at ten to +one. I was lucky in my choice. On Thursday, +after the work of the day, I went to see the +Nautch girls dance. It is a little <i>risqué</i>; but I +have often heard you say that a man should see +everything, so as to be able to judge between good +and evil. There was a regatta on Friday. I went +in for one race, but only came in second. On +Saturday, I had to make out over a hundred +summonses, and try several petty offences. An +uninteresting day. It is with a feeling of apprehension +that I always await Saturday. I have +one more examination to pass before I can sentence +the natives to more than one year's imprisonment, +and two before I can send them to the gibbet. On +Sunday, I read the lessons in church. In the +afternoon I addressed a congregation out of doors. +They seemed greatly impressed, and I count on +several conversions."</p> + +<p>You must admit that this was a well-filled week. +I thought the mixture of sacred and profane quite +delicious.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>In Scotland, as in England, open-air services +are very common. They are conducted by good +folks, not over afflicted with modesty, who believe +that they were chosen by Heaven to go and +convert their fellow creatures—would-be St. Paul's, +operating in the Athens of the North, and elsewhere.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 59]</span></p> + +<p>Following the advice of Horace, these apostles +plunge straight into their subject. They will +attack you with the question, whether you are not +too fond of the things of this world? or else, +whether you have made your peace with God?</p> + +<p>The utter conceit of these amateur clergy is +matchless. They are either hypocrites of the +worst stamp, or fanatics of the first water, +"airing their self-righteousness at the corners of +the streets." The monotony of their tunes, the +commonplaces of their would-be sermons, their +long visages, and their grimaces as they pray—all +this is the reverse of attractive.</p> + +<p>I prefer the soldiers of the Salvation Army. +They are rough, but they do not banish cheerfulness +from their services. They are lively, and +break the awful silence of the British Sabbath. +Their services at first struck everyone as blasphemous; +but one gets used to everything in this +country.</p> + +<p>I must not pass over the open-air orator, who, to +excuse his faults of grammar, said to his hearers, +of whom I was one: "My dear friends, I have +had no education, and I know very well I am not +a gentleman; but that does not prevent me from +accepting the mission that I have received from +Heaven to come and preach the Gospel to you. +Jesus Christ was not a gentleman—He was a +carpenter. The Apostles were not gentlemen +either—they were fishermen."</p> + +<p>Modest, is it not?<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 60]</span></p> + +<p>There are Scots so sure of their salvation that +they pray but to thank God that they are not as +other men are. These Christians, whom Burns has +named the <i>unco' guid</i>, are charitable: they pray for +their neighbours. There are, on the west of Scotland, +two small islands inhabited by a race whose +piety is really touching. Every Sunday, in their +churches, they commend to God's care the poor +inhabitants of the adjacent islands of England, +Scotland, and Ireland!</p> + +<p>They have their own future safety assured, and, +in their charity, think of their neighbours.</p> + +<p>Donald presenting Paddy and John Bull to the +Lord! The scene is as touching as it is amusing.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Donald's Relations with the Divinity.—Prayers +and Sermons.—Signification of the Word "Receptivity."—Requests +and Thanksgivings.—"Repose +in Peace."—"Thou Excelledst them all."—Explanation +of Miracles.—Pulpit Advertisements.—Pictures +of the Last Judgment.—One +of the Elect Belated.—An Urchin Preacher.—A +Considerate Beggar.</i></p></div> + + +<p>Donald is still more religious than John Bull—that +is to say, he is still more theological and +church-going; but the fashion in which he keeps +up relations with the Divinity is very different.</p> + +<p>The Englishman entertains the Jewish notion<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 61]</span> +of God—a Deity terrible and avenging, whose +very name strikes awe, and is not to be lightly +pronounced without drawing down celestial vengeance.</p> + +<p>The Scot has a way of treating his Creator +very much as if He were the next-door neighbour. +He tells Him all his little needs, and will go so +far as to gently reproach Him if they are not +supplied.</p> + +<p>If he has dined well, he is lavish in returning +thanks to the Lord for His infinite favours; his +gratitude is boundless. If he has had a meagre +repast, he thanks Him for the least of His mercies. +The thanks are not omitted, but at the same time +Donald gives the Lord to understand that he has +made a poor dinner.</p> + +<p>The following anecdote was told me in Scotland. +The first part of it is given by Dr. Ramsay in his +<i>Reminiscences</i>, I find. As to the second, I leave the +responsibility of it to my host who related the +story to me. <i>Se non e vera, e ben trovata.</i></p> + +<p>A Presbyterian minister had just cut his hay, +and the weather not being very propitious for +making it, he knelt near his open window and +addressed to Heaven the following prayer:</p> + +<p>"O Lord, send us wind for the hay; no a rantin', +tantin', tearin' wind, but a noughin', soughin', +winnin' wind...."</p> + +<p>His prayer was here interrupted by a puff of +wind that made the panes rattle, and scattered in +all directions the papers lying on his table.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 62]</span></p> + +<p>The minister straightway got up and closed his +window, exclaiming:</p> + +<p>"Now, Lord, that's ridik'lous!"</p> + +<p>If this ending of the anecdote is not authentic, +I feel quite sure that none but a Scotchman could +have invented it.</p> + +<p>Donald's prayers are sermons, just as the sermons +of his ministers are prayers.</p> + +<p>In these daily litanies the Scotchman enters +into the most trifling details with careful forethought: +the list of favours he has received, and +for which he has to return thanks; the list of the +blessings he wishes for, and will certainly receive, +for God cannot refuse him anything,—all this is +present to his prodigious memory. He dots his +i's, as we say in France; and if by chance he +should happen to employ a rather far-fetched +expression, he explains it to the Lord, so that +there shall be no danger of misunderstanding, no +pretext for not according him what he asks for—he +corners Him.</p> + +<p>Thus I was one day present at evening prayers +in a Scotch family, and heard the master of the +house, among a thousand other supplications, +make the following:</p> + +<p>"O Lord, give us receptivity; that is to say, +O Lord, the power of receiving impressions."</p> + +<p>The entire Scotch character is there.</p> + +<p>What forethought! what cleverness! what a +business-like talent! To explain to God the signification +of the far-fetched word <i>receptivity</i>, so<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 63]</span> +that He should not be able to say: "There is a +worthy Scotchman who uses outlandish words; I +do not know what it is he wants."</p> + +<p>Would not one think that this excellent Caledonian +imagined that God had been made in his +image?</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>As gratitude is pretty generally everywhere—but +especially in Great Britain—a sense of favours +to come, this same Scot, before making known to +the Lord the blessings which he expected from +Him, had been careful to thank Him for past +favours. Here, too, he had been sublime. Judge +for yourself.</p> + +<p>With the lady who was his third wife in the +room, he thus expressed himself:</p> + +<p>"Lord, I thank Thee for the pleasure and the +comfort that I derived from the company of Jane" +(his first wife); "I thank Thee also for the pleasure +and comfort that I derived from the company of +Mary" (his second wife).</p> + +<p>The third wife was there, at the other end of +the table, silent and solemn, apparently plunged +in profound meditation, and thanking Heaven for +the pleasure and comfort that the society of Jane +and Mary had given her husband.</p> + +<p>When would her turn come to play her part in +these thanksgivings?</p> + +<p>Her husband is but sixty-five, and I can assure +you has no idea of going yet.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 64]</span></p> + +<p>Another episode of the same kind came under +my notice in a Catholic family; but in this case +the same Scotch characteristic showed itself under +a different form—a form suggested by belief in +purgatory.</p> + +<p>Here, too, the master of the house was a widower +remarried, but who had only got as far as his +second wife. Before this dutiful lady and the rest +of his family, which was composed of several big +sons and three grown-up daughters, he prayed for +the repose of the soul of his first wife, reminding +the Lord, in case He should have forgotten it, +what an angel on earth this incomparable spouse +had been.</p> + +<p>"Remember, O Lord," he cried, "how discreet, +faithful, wise, careful, and obedient she was!"</p> + +<p>This prayer, in my opinion, was meant to serve +two ends, for the Scotchman never loses sight of +the practical side of things. While it solicited +the admission of the first wife into Paradise, it +reminded the second of her duty towards her +husband and the virtues he expected of her.</p> + +<p>Upstairs I saw that which confirmed me in my +little theory.</p> + +<p>In the bedroom I occupied hung a portrait of +Mrs. X. (No. 1). Underneath the portrait a card, +illuminated with a garland of roses and foliage, +and bearing the inscription "Rest in Peace," +announced to the stranger that the original was +no longer of this world.</p> + +<p>One evening, on opening a drawer of the dress<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 65]</span>ing-table, +I beheld a card exactly similar to that +underneath the portrait, but with the inscription:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou +excelledst them all."</p></div> + +<p>There it was, all ready to replace the other card, +should Mrs. X. (No. 2) cease to be "discreet, wise, +careful, and obedient." I wonder if it has seen +the light yet!</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>No liturgy, no formulas for Donald, when he +prays. He will not be dictated to as to what +he shall say. He knows his own wants, and +communicates them to his Maker without reserve +or restraint.</p> + +<p>The Scotch tell of a Presbyterian minister, of +the time of George III., who used to officiate in a +church in Edinburgh, and prayed for the Town +Council thus:</p> + +<p>"O Lord, have mercy on all fools and idiots, +and the members of the Town Council of Edinburgh."</p> + +<p>What a pity that in Paris churches it is not +possible to put up a similar petition!</p> + +<p>Here is a prayer of an old farmer who lived in +the North of Scotland, and was well known for +his long and forcible addresses to Heaven.</p> + +<p>"We thank Thee, Lord, for Thy great goodness +to Meg, and that it ever cam into thy heid to tak' +ony thocht o' sic a useless baw-waw as her. For<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 66]</span> +Thy mercy's sake, and for the sake o' Thy poor +sinfu' servants that are now addressin' Thee in +their ain shilly-shally way, hae mercy on Rob. +Ye ken yersel' he is a wild, mischievous callant, +and thinks nae mair o' committing sin than a dog +does o' lickin' a dish; but put Thy hook in his +nose, an' Thy bridle in his gab, an' gar him come +back to Thee with a jerk that he'll ne'er forget +the langest day he has to leeve.</p> + +<p>"We're a' like hawks, we're a' like snails, +we're a' like sloggie riddles: like hawks to do +evil, like snails to do guid, and like sloggie riddles +that let through a' the guid and keep a' the bad.</p> + +<p>"Bring doon the tyrant and his lang neb, for he +has done muckle ill the year; gie him a cup o' +Thy wraith, an' 'gin he winna tak that, gie him +<i>kelty</i>" (two cups, a double dose).</p> + +<p>The finest and most characteristic prayer that +it has been my good luck to come across is the +following, which I have kept for a <i>bonne bouche</i>. +The good folks of Dumbarton used it in the year +1804, when the inhabitants of Scotland firmly +believed that Napoleon had resolved to invade +Great Britain:</p> + +<p>"Lord, bless this house and a' that's in this +house, and a' within twa miles ilka side this +house. O bless the coo and the meal and the +kail-yard and the muckle toun o' Dumbarton.</p> + +<p>"O Lord, preserve us frae a' witches and warlocks, +and a' lang nebbet beasties that gang +through the heather.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 67]</span></p> + +<p>"O build a strong dyke between us and the +muckle French. Put a pair o' branks about the +neck of the French Emperor; gie me the helter +in my ain hand, that I may lead him about when +I like: for Thy name's sake. Amen."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>To this day you will hear, in any country church +in Scotland, these interminable litanies. It is the +minister's work to watch over the interests of his +flock; he knows their wants and their wishes, and +he expresses them in his prayers. That does not +prevent Donald from going through the same process +again at home; it is always well to know +how to conduct one's own affairs.</p> + +<p>Every Scot is a born preacher. Even his conversation +has a certain smack of the pulpit. By +dint of preaching and listening to preachers, his +conversation gets a sermonising turn.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>That familiarity with which Donald keeps up his +relations with his Maker—a familiarity which comes +from the good-humoured frankness of the Scotch +character—shows itself above all in the ministers +of the various religious sects of the country.</p> + +<p>Thus a pastor of the Free Church, wishing to +explain how Jesus had performed a miracle in +walking across the waves to join His disciples, hit +upon this forcible way of bringing it home to his +hearers:</p> + +<p>"My dear brethren, to walk on the sea is a very<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 68]</span> +wonderful thing: you would find it just as difficult +as to walk across this ceiling with your head +downwards."</p> + +<p>Another, wishing to illustrate how God is everywhere +and sees everything, told his congregation:</p> + +<p>"The Lord is like a moose in a dry stane dyke, +aye keekin' out at us frae holes and crannies, and +we canna see Him."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Scotch preachers of the old school knew +how to recommend their parishioners to the care +of Heaven—and occasionally to the shop of a +friend.</p> + +<p>A Scotchman told me that he remembered to +have heard, when a boy, a Free Church minister +thus express himself in the pulpit:</p> + +<p>"Lord, protect us from the cholera, at this time +making such terrible ravages in Glasgow; endow +the doctors of this town with wisdom; give them +also health, especially to James Macpherson, who +is getting old and cannot afford to pay a substitute. +And you, my dear friends, be prudent: keep +yourselves warm, that is the essential thing; wear +flannel clothing. If you have none at home, lose +no time in going to Donald Anderson. He has +just received from London a large stock of the +best flannels, which he is selling very cheap. I +bought some of him at a shilling a yard, and I am +perfectly satisfied with it. Donald Anderson lives +at 22 Lanark Street; don't go elsewhere."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 69]</span></p> + +<p>If the Englishman has, as I said elsewhere, +knocked down to himself the kingdom of Heaven, +which he looks upon as a British possession, the +Scotchman has discerned to himself all the best +places therein.</p> + +<p>A few months ago an amiable Scotchman offered +me his hospitality in the environs of Edinburgh. +On entering my bedroom, I saw a picture of the +Last Judgment. It quite took my breath away, +the sight of that picture. And no wonder! At +God's right hand came—first, John Knox; next, +Robert Burns and Sir Walter Scott; then an +immense crowd of good folk, who, if they had +been in complete attire, would have had kilts and +plaids; and then next, but at some distance, John +Wesley and a number of other well-known English +divines; and beyond them—no one. But that +is not all. On the left hand were a good sprinkling +of popes, among people of all sorts and +conditions, but all foreigners.</p> + +<p>I called my host quickly.</p> + +<p>"Well," I said, "what have you been up to in +this country? What! Without giving anybody +warning, without a 'by your leave,' you install +yourselves in the best seats to the exclusion of +the poor outside world! My dear sir, it looks to +me as if, when all your Britannic subjects are +supplied with places, there will be room for no +one else."</p> + +<p>It was enough to make a Frenchman cry, +"Stop thief!"<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 70]</span></p> + +<p>I was fain to console myself, however, with the +thought that in France we can draw pictures of +the Last Judgment too, but with a decided improvement +on this arrangement of figures. To +look for John Knox in ours would be sheer waste +of time.</p> + +<p>As to Robert Burns, who certainly was no saint, +far from it, I do not remember to have seen him, +but I guarantee that he is to be found in the midst +of the angels, beside Beethoven, Shakespeare, +Raphael, Victor Hugo, and kindred spirits.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The following anecdote, told me in Scotland, +will perhaps tend to prove that even the libations +of overnight do not hinder a true-born Scot from +believing himself in Paradise the following +morning.</p> + +<p>Donald had imbibed whisky freely in the house +of a friend, and towards two in the morning set +out for home, describing wonderful zigzags as he +went.</p> + +<p>It suddenly occurred to him, in one of those +lucid moments which the tipsiest man will occasionally +have, that the cemetery of Kirkcaldy +formed a short cut to his house. He steered for +the place, but had not gone far when an open +grave arrested his progress. He tried to jump, +his foot caught, he slipped, and the next moment +was lying full length in the improvised bed. Here +he soon fell fast asleep. About six in the morning<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 71]</span> +the Kirkcaldy coach came speeding past, the +coachman making the air ring with a shrill +trumpet blast. Donald awakes, rubs his eyes, +and, taking it to be the Last Trump calling the +elect from their tombs, arises awe-stricken. He +looks around him. No one; not a soul!</p> + +<p>"Weel, weel," cries Donald; "weel, weel, this +is a fery puir show for Kirkcaldy!!!"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The French beggar accosts one with a "God +bless you." If he is blind, he plays the flute. +The Scotch beggar's stock-in-trade is generally a +Bible. For a penny he will recite you a chapter; +Old and New Testament are equally familiar to +him. If he is blind, he does the same as his +English <i>confrère</i>: he reads aloud from a Bible +printed in raised characters.</p> + +<p>Those who can get enough to invest in an organ +or a <i>discordeon</i> abandon the Bible business, which +is not lucrative. Besides, turning the handle is +easy work; whereas learning the Bible by heart +demands study.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The beggar reciting the Bible to fill his pocket +is very well; but he does not come up to the +preaching street arab.</p> + +<p>A learned professor at the University of Aberdeen +told me, last February, that he was one day +accosted by a beggar-boy of about ten, who asked +him for a penny.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 72]</span></p> + +<p>"A penny! What are you going to do to earn +it?" asked the professor.</p> + +<p>"Shall I sing?" replied the boy.</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"Shall I dance?"</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"Shall I preach?"</p> + +<p>The professor pulled out his penny without +"asking for further change."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I cannot take leave of performing beggars without +relating a little incident that I was a witness +of in Edinburgh:</p> + +<p>A beggar came up to me, asking for alms.</p> + +<p>"You have a violin there," I said to him; "but +you do not play it. How is that?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, sir!" he replied; "give me a penny, and +don't make me play. I assure you you won't +regret it."</p> + +<p>I understood his delicacy, and to show him that +I appreciated it launched out my penny.</p> + +<p>"But," I added, "do you never use your +violin?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir, sometimes," he said, lowering his +voice, "as a threat."</p> + +<p>I lost my penny, but saved my ears.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 73]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>The Scotch Sabbath.—The Saviour in the Cornfield.—A +good Advertisement.—Difference between the Inside and +the Outside of a Tramcar.—How useful it is to be able +to speak Scotch in Scotland.—Sermon and Lesson on +Balistics at Edinburgh.—If you do Evil on the Sabbath, +do it well.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 70px;"> +<img src="images/capt.jpg" width="70" height="80" alt="T" title="T" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">he Lord's day is not called Sunday in +Scotland, but the Sabbath, which is more +biblical.</p> + +<p>The Scotch Sabbath beats the English Sunday +into fits.</p> + +<p>I thought, in my innocence, that the English +Sunday was not to be matched.</p> + +<p>Delusion on my part.</p> + +<p>How hope to give a description of the Scotch +Sabbath? It is an undertaking that might +frighten a far more clever pen than mine.</p> + +<p>Happily, in this also, the Scotch anecdote +comes to my rescue.</p> + +<p>Here is one, to begin with, which will show +once more how difficult it is to trip up a Scotchman. +Nothing is sacred for him when he wants +to get himself out of a difficulty.</p> + +<p>A Free Kirk minister met a member of his +congregation, and thus addressed her:</p> + +<p>"Mary, I am glad to have met you; for I have<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 74]</span> +something on my mind that I have been anxious +to speak to you of for a long while. I have heard—but +it surely cannot be—I have heard that you +sometimes go for a walk on the blessed Sabbath."</p> + +<p>"Ay, meenister, it is quite true; but I read in +the Bible that Our Lord walked through the cornfields +on the Sabbath day."</p> + +<p>"I do not deny it," replied the good man, a +little disconcerted; "but," he added, recovering +his self-possession, "let me tell you that if the +Saviour did take a walk on the Sabbath, I dinna +think the more of Him for 't."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I one day read, in an Edinburgh paper, the +following letter, addressed to the editor of the +paper by a Scotch minister. This minister had +been accused by his antagonist of having been seen +taking a walk through one of the parks on the +Sabbath.</p> + +<p>What an advertisement that letter was!</p> + +<p>This is how it ran:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"Certain malevolent and unscrupulous persons have +dared to set afloat the rumour that I was seen in the +Queen's Park on the Sabbath. I utterly deny the +accusation. I never take walks on the Sabbath. +Allow me also to add that, though by going through +the park I should considerably shorten the walk from +my house to the church, I avoid doing so. Let my +enemies watch me, if they feel inclined, and they will +see that I go round."</p></div><p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 75]</span></p> + +<p>It seems impossible to beat that; but what do +you think of the following, which at all events +runs it close?</p> + +<p>The little scene happened at Edinburgh one +Sunday.</p> + +<p>My host and I were going to hear a preacher +at some distance from the centre of the town.</p> + +<p>In Princes Street we hailed an omnibus.</p> + +<p>I, in my simplicity, prepared to mount on the +top, when I felt someone pulling at my coat-tails. +It was my companion, who was going inside, and +who made a sign to me to follow.</p> + +<p>"What! you ride inside on such a lovely day!" +I exclaimed, taking my seat at his side.</p> + +<p>"On week-days it is all very well to go outside, +but on the Sabbath the interior is more +respectable."</p> + +<p>The following little anecdote, which was told +me in the north of Scotland, proves that the +Highlander knows how to reconcile his scruples +with his interests, even on the Holy Sabbath +day:</p> + +<p>My friend, walking one day in the neighbourhood +of Braemar, all at once perceived that he +had lost his way.</p> + +<p>Meeting a peasant, he asked him to put him on +the right track.</p> + +<p>"Eh!" said the rustic, "you are breaking the +Sawbath, and you are served richt. The Lord is +punishin' ye...."</p> + +<p>This little sermon bid fair to last some time.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 76]</span> +My friend slipped a shilling into the peasant's +hand.</p> + +<p>The effect was magical.</p> + +<p>"Straight on till ye come to the crossroads, then +the second turnin' to the richt, and there ye are."</p> + +<p>There is nothing like knowing how to speak +Scotch when you go to Scotland.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Yet, the real old Scotch Sabbath is almost +passing away.</p> + +<p>Some lament it, others rejoice at it; but all +the Scotch admit that their forefathers would be +horrified at the things that pass in these days.</p> + +<p>And indeed things must have greatly changed.</p> + +<p>Now there are those who take walks on the +Sabbath. What do I say, walks? There are +those who ride velocipedes—Heaven forgive +them! There are to be seen—no offence to my +worthy host—there are to be seen poor harmless +folk degenerate enough to go and sniff the fresh +air on the top of an omnibus. They are not the +<i>unco' guid</i>, but still they are Scotch.</p> + +<p>Where is the time when Scotch cooks refused to +use a roasting-jack on Sunday because it worked +and made a noise?</p> + +<p>Where is the time when a Scotchman almost +found fault with his hens for laying eggs on the +Sabbath?</p> + +<p>Where are the days when Donald considered it +shocking to introduce music into divine service?<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 77]</span></p> + +<p>The following little scene, of which I was a +witness, proved to me that in the Scotchman the +practical spirit is bound to assert itself. No +matter whether it is Sunday: if he does evil on +the Sabbath, he must do it well.</p> + +<p>It was one Sunday afternoon in Edinburgh.</p> + +<p>Several children were amusing themselves (<i>proh +pudor!</i>), in a corner of Calton Hill Park, by piling +up a heap of stones.</p> + +<p>When the heap was a few inches high, the +children retreated two or three yards and, each +armed with a stone, began to try and knock down +their little construction.</p> + +<p>Up came a gentleman, indignant.</p> + +<p>"Little scamps!" he began, "are you not +ashamed of yourselves? Don't you know you +are breaking the Sabbath?"</p> + +<p>This impressive exhortation produced small +effect upon the little arabs, who went on aiming +at the heap, but without success, however.</p> + +<p>By the movements of the man every time a +stone missed its aim, I could see that if the worthy +Scot was indignant at the scandalous conduct of +the boys, their awkwardness inspired him with the +most profound contempt.</p> + +<p>Stone followed stone, but the heap remained +intact.</p> + +<p>The Scotchman could bear it no longer.</p> + +<p>"Duffers!" he cried.</p> + +<p>And picking up a stone, he aimed it at the +heap, scattering it in all directions; then, with<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 78]</span> +a last pitying glance at the young admiring troop, +quietly resumed his walk.</p> + +<p><i>Scotch moral.</i>—Don't play at knocking down +stones on the blessed Sabbath, it is a sin; however, +if you do not fear to commit this sin, knock +down the stones. Don't miss your aim, it is a +crime.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>This practical spirit shows itself on Sundays in +many of the large towns in Great Britain.</p> + +<p>In London, for instance, certain tramway companies +double the tram-fares on Sundays. The +Pharisees at the head of these companies say to +themselves:</p> + +<p>"We commit a sin in working on Sundays; +let the sin be at least a remunerative one."</p> + +<p>In France, our public gardens, such as the +<i>Jardin d'Acclimation</i> and many others, reduce the +price of admission on Sundays, in order to allow +the working-people and their children to take a +day of cheap and healthful recreation.</p> + +<p>For a penny, I can any day of the week get +taken by tram close to the magnificent Kew +Gardens. The poor workman, who would like to +go there on Sunday, is obliged to pay twopence to +the company—one penny for his place, and another +to appease the consciences of the shareholders.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 79]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XII" id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Scotch Bonhomie.—Humour and Quick-Wittedness.—Reminiscences +of a Lecturer.—How the Author was once +taken for an Englishman.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">t seems strange that in this country, so +religious as it is, most of the anecdotes +which the people are fond of relating should +refer to religion, and that the hero of them should +generally be the minister. All that joking at the +Scriptures, that parodying of the Bible, those little +comic scenes at the poor minister's expense, seem +at first sight to be in direct opposition with the +national character. It is nothing of the kind, however. +These anecdotes, which after all have in +reality nothing irreverent in them, prove but one +thing to us, and that is, that the Scotch are steeped +over head and ears in Bible, and are not sorry to +get a laugh out of it now and then: it does them +good, it is a little relief to them, and—if I may +believe Dean Ramsay, the great authority on +Scotch anecdotes—the ministers are the first to +set the example.</p> + +<p>Those anecdotes, I repeat, are not irreverent: +I have heard them told by Scotchmen who would +not think of shaving on a Sunday for fear of giving +the cook extra work to boil water early. (And do +not smile if I add that in the evening, after supper,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 80]</span> +there was hot water on the table for the <i>toddy</i>. At +that hour the water had had time to boil without +occasioning any extra labour. At all events, this +is how I accounted for the phenomenon.)</p> + +<p>Their anecdotes, in a word, prove that the +Scotch see a subtle, pithy point more easily than +the English, whatever these latter may say, and +that they are not so intolerant in matters religious +as they are often represented to be.</p> + +<p>The further north you go in Great Britain, the +more quick-wittedness and humour you find. For +quickness in seizing the signification of a gesture, +a glance, a tone, I do not hesitate, if my opinion +have the slightest value, to give the palm to the +Scotch.</p> + +<p>When, for instance, in lecturing, I remind my +audience that the English have given the British +Isles the name of "<i>United</i> Kingdom," the Scotch +shake with laughter: the little point of sarcasm +does not escape their intelligence. In England, I +am generally obliged to pause on it and give them +time to reflect; and once or twice, in the south, I +was seized with a great temptation to cry out, <i>à la</i> +Mark Twain, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is a +joke."</p> + +<p>I have found all my audiences sympathetic and +indulgent; but that which provokes a laugh in +the north, often leaves the south indifferent. In +Birmingham, Yorkshire, Lancashire, in all these +great centres of British activity, and in Scotland, +that which is appreciated in a humorous lecture<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 81]</span> +is a bit of covert satire—a pleasantry accompanied +by an imperturble look: the kind of fun that the +English themselves call "dry and quiet." In the +south, you often regret to see that a broad joke +brings you a roar of applause; while some of your +pet points, those that you are proudest of, will +pass almost unnoticed.</p> + +<p>Let me give you an idea of that which the +lecturer has to swallow sometimes.</p> + +<p>In a room, a few miles out of London, I had +just given a lecture to the members of a literary +Society.</p> + +<p>In this lecture, wishing to show to my audience +that enlightened and intelligent French people +know how to appreciate British virtues, I had +recited almost in its entirety that scene in the +<i>Prise de Pèkin</i>, in which the hero, a <i>Times</i> +correspondent, walks to execution with a firm +step, defying the Emperor of China and his +mandarins with the words, "La Hangleterre il +était le première nation du monde."</p> + +<p>The lecture over, I had retired with the chairman +to the committee-room. Immediately after, +a lady presented herself at the door and asked +the chairman to introduce me to her.</p> + +<p>After the usual salutations and compliments, +the worthy lady said to me pointblank:</p> + +<p>"You are not a Frenchman; I knew you were +an Englishman."</p> + +<p>"I am afraid the compliment is a little exaggerated," +I responded; "certainly you cannot<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 82]</span> +make me believe that I speak English so well as +to pass for an Englishman."</p> + +<p>"Oh! that is not it," she said; "but at the +end of your lecture you gave us a French quotation +with a very strong English accent."</p> + +<p>I begged the lady to excuse me, as "I had a +train to catch."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIII" id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Drollery of Scotch Phraseology.—A Scotchman who Lost his +Head.—Two Severe Wounds.—Premature Death.—A +Neat Comparison.—Cold Comfort.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap"> have spoken in a preceding chapter of +the picturesque manner in which the Scotch +people of the old school express themselves. +Here are two or three examples which will well +illustrate what I mean.</p> + +<p>I one day made the acquaintance of an old +Scotch soldier. He had been present at the battle +of Waterloo, and was fond of talking about the +Napoleonic wars.</p> + +<p>I started his favourite topic.</p> + +<p>He described the battle of Waterloo to me +with the most remarkable clearness. It was even +touching to hear him give the details of the death +of one of his comrades whose head had been shot +off by a cannon-ball.</p> + +<p>"Poor fellow," he added, "he will have to<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 83]</span> +appear at the Last Day with his head under his +arm."</p> + +<p>"Were you ever wounded, yourself?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes," replied the old Scot with an imperturbable +seriousness which made it impossible to +suppose that he intended a joke; "I received two +wounds—one at Quatre-Bras and the other in the +right leg."</p> + +<p>I once had a long conversation with an old lady +of eighty-two, whose grandfather had served, in +his youth, under Bonnie Prince Charlie. She +related to me all the wonderful adventures of her +ancestor, and when she had come to the end, +added, with a gravity that was sublime:</p> + +<p>"He's deed noo."</p> + +<p>The conversation of these Scots of the old +school is full of surprises. You must be ready for +anything. In the very middle of the most pathetic +story, out will come a remark that will make you +shake with laughter. This drollery has all the more +hold over you, because it is natural. The Scot is +too natural to aim at being amusing, and it is just +this simplicity, this <i>naturalness</i>, which disarms and +overcomes you.</p> + +<p>Donald has a way of looking at things which +gives his remarks a piquancy that is irresistible: +it almost takes your breath away sometimes, you +feel quite floored.</p> + +<p>A Scotch pastor was trying to give a farmer of +his parish an idea of the delights which await us +in Paradise.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 84]</span></p> + +<p>"Yes, Donald," he cried, "it is a perpetual +concert. There's Raphael singing, Gabriel accompanying +him on the harp, and all the angels +flapping their wings to express their joy. Oh, +Donald, what a sublime sight! You cannot imagine +anything like it."</p> + +<p>"Ay, ay, but I can," interrupted Donald. "It +is just like the geese flap their wings when we have +had a lang droot, an' they see the rain a comin'."</p> + +<p>In making this remark, nothing is further from +Donald's intention than to make a joke, or be +irreverent. He says it in all seriousness. It is in +this that a great charm of the Scotch phraseology +lies.</p> + +<p>A friend of mine told me that he was once +walking through a churchyard with a Scotchman, +and feeling a fit of sneezing coming on, he remarked +to his companion that he feared he had +taken a cold.</p> + +<p>"That's bad," replied the Scotchman, "but +there's mony a ane here who wad be glad o 't."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 85]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIV" id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Family Life—"Can I assist you?"—"No, I will assist myself, +thank you."—Hospitality in good Society.—The +Friends of Friends are Friends.—When the Visitors +come to an End there are more to follow.—Good +Society.—Women.—Men.—Conversation in Scotland.—A +Touching little Scene.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 62px;"> +<img src="images/capt2.jpg" width="62" height="80" alt="T" title="T" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">he hospitality of the Scotch, the simplicity +of their manners, and the authority which +the father wields, give Scotch family life +quite a patriarchal aspect.</p> + +<p>The existence which the Scotch lead is a little +morose in its austerity, but it becomes these cool, +calm people, brought up in a religion that is the +enemy of joyousness, and in a climate that induces +sadness. Gaiety is produced by an agreeable +sense of existence; it is the reflection of a +generous sun in temperate climates.</p> + +<p>Austerity banishes familiarity from family life +and engenders constraint. I have seen Scotch +homes where laughter is considered ill-bred, and +the joyous shouts of children are repressed. I +felt ill at ease there; that reserve inspired by an +overdrawn sense of propriety paralysed my tongue, +and I could only answer in monosyllables the +monosyllabic remarks of my host and hostess.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 86]</span> +Happily nothing more elaborate was expected of +me.</p> + +<p>"Is this your first visit to Scotland?"</p> + +<p>"No, I have had the pleasure of visiting Scotland +several times."</p> + +<p>"Our country must seem very dull to you after +France."</p> + +<p>"A little ... but I live in England."</p> + +<p>"Which do you like best, England or Scotland?"</p> + +<p>"Oh! Scotland, certainly."</p> + +<p>"It is very cold to-day."</p> + +<p>"Yes, but not colder than usual."</p> + +<p>Heaven be thanked! dinner is announced, and +I offer my arm to the lady of the house.</p> + +<p>It is a family dinner. My host has before him +a fine joint of beef, there are two chicken in front +of my hostess, and I am placed opposite a boiled +ham. A pair of carvers, laid with my cover, tell +me that I shall have to carve the ham which is +here eaten with the chicken. The idea is excellent; +but all at once, down go the heads almost to +the tablecloth. My host looks at the chicken, at +the ham, and lastly at the ribs of beef. His face +clouds and, bending over the beef, he growls a few +inarticulate words at it. It is not, as Mark Twain +would say, that there is anything the matter with +it, Scotch beef is the best in the world. These +words, that I was unable to catch the sense of, +were meant to invoke the blessing of Heaven on +the repast: it was Grace before meat. Very<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 87]</span> +right. I like the idea of thanking Heaven for its +favours, but why the frown?</p> + +<p>A servant stands behind his master's chair, +another behind my hostess.</p> + +<p>My host arms himself with his carving knife +and fork and, without relaxing a muscle of his +face, says to me:</p> + +<p>"Can I assist you to a little beef?"</p> + +<p>"No, thank you, I think I will take a little +chicken."</p> + +<p>"Can I assist you, my dear?" he said looking +at his wife.</p> + +<p>"No, thank you, I will assist myself," replies +that lady.</p> + +<p>"May I assist you to a slice of ham?" I ask, +seeing her put the wing of a chicken on her plate.</p> + +<p>"A very small piece, please."</p> + +<p>When everyone is <i>assisted</i>, conversation resumes +its little monosyllabic jog-trot, until the arrival of +the puddings and sweets, when each of us again +begins to propose to assist the other, and to think +"We will take a little of this or that."</p> + +<p>The sensation of needles and pins in your legs, +the phraseology that consists in expressing one's +thoughts by <i>I think I will take a little tart, I do not +think I will take any cheese, very little of this, a very +small piece of that</i>, when one feels hungry, +those few moments of solemn suspense during +which the company look at one another waiting +for the hostess to rise—all these things give you +cold shivers.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 88]</span></p> + +<p>At last the ladies withdraw, the men are left to +themselves, and you feel a little less restrained.</p> + +<p>I had already been present at many little scenes +of this kind in England, not in high society where +one finds much ease and liveliness, but in a few +middle-class houses among straight-laced people. +The little scene which I have attempted to describe +passed in a country mansion. Yet I cannot +enumerate all the delicate attentions with which +those kind Scotch people surrounded me during +my short stay among them. In most of the Scotch +houses where I had the honour of being entertained, +I found a generous and considerate hospitality, +a hospitality which was all the more +agreeable for not being overpowering. No fuss, +no noise, no frivolous politeness. On my arrival +the master of the house explained to me the +geography of his habitation.</p> + +<p>"This is the smoking-room, this the library, +here is the drawing-room, and there is your bedroom. +And now, my dear sir, be at home, or get +home."</p> + +<p>That is the best kind of hospitality. The +Scotchman puts all the resources of his house at +your disposition and, in a really hospitable spirit, +leaves you to use them according to your taste.</p> + +<p>Several families I know of keep open house all +the year round. The friends of friends are friends, +and are always well received no matter at what +hour they may make their appearance. Some will +arrive in time for dinner, play a game of billiards<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 89]</span> +and retire. At the breakfast table, the mistress of +the house enquires of her husband how many +guests he has, and he often finds it very difficult +to answer her question.</p> + +<p>I was very much amused one Sunday morning +in one of these houses. The breakfast was on the +table from nine to half-past twelve. The guests +took as much sleep as they liked and came down +when they pleased. When I thought they were all +down there were more to come. They helped +themselves to tea or coffee, and having boiled an +egg over the fire, set down comfortably to their +breakfast. Some had gone to church, others to +the library to smoke, or to the park to take the +air. Two only turned up at two o'clock to +luncheon. I should not wonder if one or two +stayed in bed all day, for I think I remember that, +at dinner-time, I saw a face or two that looked to +me like fresh acquaintances.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Good society is the same everywhere—like +hotels, as Edmond About said. It is only a +question of more or less manners in the first, and +more or less fleas in the second.</p> + +<p>In Scotland fleas are rare. They would starve +on the skin of the Scotch men and are too +well-mannered to attack that of the Scotch +ladies.</p> + +<p>As to good society it is no exception to the rule +here.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 90]</span></p> + +<p>To study the manners of the Scotch, as well as +to study the manners of any other nation, you +must mix with the middle classes, with the people +above all, for they are the real repository of the +traditions of the country. You must travel third-class; +there is nothing to be learnt in first. For +that matter, there is nothing alarming about that +in Scotland, their third-class carriages are superior +to our French seconds.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Scotchwoman is pretty.</p> + +<p>She has not the sparkling, piquant physiognomy +of the Frenchwoman; she has not the beautiful +clear grey eyes—those eyes so dreamy and tender—of +the Irishwoman. But she looks more simple +and reserved than her English sisters, although +her manner is just as frank.</p> + +<p>I have often admired Scotchwomen of a pronounced +Celtic type. They have large eyes, dark +and well shaped, with long lashes; their features +are admirably regular, they are generally rather +under middle height, with broad shoulders and +perfectly proportioned sculptural lines.</p> + +<p>Red hair is common in Scotland. One sees +more of it in Edinburgh and Glasgow than in the +whole of England; but the skin is so fine, the +features are so delicate, the complexion so clear, +that the little defect passes unperceived or forgiven.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 91]</span></p> + +<p>The men are hard and sinewy.</p> + +<p>In point of appearance I prefer the English +and Irish men. Scotchmen are well fitted for the +battle of life. They are useful to their country +but hardly ornamental.</p> + +<p>The Scotchman is absorbed in business. In his +leisure moments he goes into politics or theology; +he studies or takes outdoor exercise. He has +little time to consecrate to women. He prefers +the company of men.</p> + +<p>The women are timid, the men reserved, and if +you feel ready to undertake the burden of the +conversation, you will be listened to in Scotland; +but I cannot guarantee that you will be appreciated. +Your words are criticised, examined, and +sifted, and when you flatter yourself with the +sweet thought that you have given your host a +high idea of your conversational powers, you will +often only have succeeded in making a fool of +yourself in their eyes.</p> + +<p>Never try to entertain the Scotch. Rather hear +what they have to say. Reply to their questions; +but if you would inspire them with respect, be +sober in your speech, and above all avoid dogmatising. +Leave the door of discussion always open, +so that each member of the company may enter +easily. Many Frenchmen have the bad habit of +dogmatising, as if their verdicts were without +appeal. This habit is an outcome of our frank, +impulsive character; but the Scotch would be +slow in appreciating it.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 92]</span></p> + +<p>When a Scotchman asked me—which he invariably +did—what were my political opinions, I +answered him that a monarchy has its good points, +and a republic has incontestable advantages. +That allowed each one to express himself freely +upon the two forms of government, and instead of +entertaining them, I listened, which was infinitely +more prudent, and perhaps also more profitable +for me.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I have several times been a witness of very touching +little scenes in Scotland, which proved to me that +there are hearts of gold to be found under the +rough surfaces of Scotchmen.</p> + +<p>Here is one among many; it is a reminiscence +of my visit in a country seat not far from +Edinburgh.</p> + +<p>"I want to introduce you to an old lady, who +wishes very much to make your acquaintance," +said my host to me one day.</p> + +<p>"Who is the lady?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"It is an old servant who has been in the family +more than eighty years. It was she who brought +up my father, myself, and my children. She is +ninety-eight years old to-day, and with our care we +hope to see her live to a hundred."</p> + +<p>We went upstairs, and on the third floor we +entered a little suite of apartments, consisting of +two most comfortable rooms, a bedroom and a +little parlour. There we found the <i>old lady</i>, sitting<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 93]</span> +in an arm-chair, and having a chat with one of +the young ladies of the house.</p> + +<p>"Janet," said my host, "I bring you our friend +who wishes to present his respects to you."</p> + +<p>"I am no as active as I was," said the good old +soul to me, "but I am wonderfu' weel for my age. +I shall soon be a hundred years of age."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense," said my host kissing his old nurse, +"who told you that? You have forgotten how to +count, Janet; don't get absurd ideas into your +head."</p> + +<p>"We never leave her alone," he said to me; +"my wife and daughters take it in turn to pass the +day with her and amuse her. They bring their +needlework and help poor old Janet to forget time."</p> + +<p>I looked around me. The walls were covered +with drawings and a thousand ornaments that +only the heart of woman knows how to invent. +Never a good dish came on the table without +Janet having her share. At night all the family met +in her little parlour for prayers and Bible reading.</p> + +<p>I shook hands with the old servant and went +away greatly touched.</p> + +<p>"She is no longer a servant," said my host to +me; "she has property, and all the household call +her <i>the old lady</i>. She will be buried with us. I +have already seen to the carrying out of her wishes +on this subject. She wants to lie at the feet of the +family, and has begged to have her grave made +across the foot of ours. So I have bought a piece +of ground next to our vault, and Janet's desire is<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 94]</span> +to be carried out. We hope to keep her many +years yet; we shall all miss her when she is gone."</p> + +<p>All this was said without apparent emotion, +without the least ostentation.</p> + +<p>"Well," I said to myself, "in Scotland more +than anywhere one must not judge people by their +exterior."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XV" id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Little Sketches of Family Life in Scotland.—The Scotchman +of "John Bull and his Island."—Painful Explanations.—As +a Father I love you, as a Customer I take +you in.—A Good Investment.—Killing two Birds with +one Stone.—A Young Man in a Hurry.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 80px;"> +<img src="images/capw.jpg" width="80" height="80" alt="W" title="W" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">hat letters of recrimination I received +on the subject of a certain Scotchman +presented to the readers of <i>John Bull +and His Island</i>! What downpours!</p> + +<p>Some accused me of caricaturing, some of imposture. +Others, with more delicacy, hinted +that I should do better at novel writing than at +<i>impressions de voyage</i>.</p> + +<p>For a month my letter-box was besieged, and at +each <i>rat-tat</i> of the postman I used to say to myself: +"One more indignant Scotchman."</p> + +<p>After all, what had I done to draw down such +thunders?</p> + +<p>Here is the offending passage:</p> + +<p>"A young literary Scotchman of my acquaint<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 95]</span>ance +generally passes a month once a year in the +house of his father on the outskirts of Edinburgh. +His father is a Presbyterian minister in a very +enviable position. On the day of his departure, +my friend invariably finds beside his plate at +breakfast, a little paper carefully folded: it is the +detailed account of the repasts he has taken +during his stay under the paternal roof; in other +words, his bill."</p> + +<p>I never pretended to say that this kind of father +was common in Scotland. I did not say I knew +of two such fathers, I said I knew of one.</p> + +<p>The Scotch have not yet digested my delicious +Papa. In all parts of Scotland I was taken to +task in the same manner.</p> + +<p>"Come, come, my dear sir, own that it was not +true, confess that it was a little bit of your own +invention."</p> + +<p>"His name, what is his name?" cried a few +indiscreet ones.</p> + +<p>I convinced a few, a few remained undecided; +I even saw two or three go away still firmly +believing the story was a creation of my brain.</p> + +<p>I can only say that my friend did not appear to +grumble at his father's treatment, for he finished +by adding:</p> + +<p>"On the whole, I do not complain, the bill is +always very reasonable."</p> + +<p>For that matter, I have come across a better +case still.</p> + +<p>I know of a Scotch father who bought a house<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 96]</span> +for a thousand pounds and sold it to his son, six +months later, for twelve hundred.</p> + +<p>That is not all.</p> + +<p>The son had not the money in hand, and it was +the father who advanced the cash—at five per cent.</p> + +<p>Considering the price money is at nowadays, it +was an investment to be proud of.</p> + +<p>Do not imagine that the father ran the least +risk of losing the capital: he took a mortgage on +the house.</p> + +<p>The son, seeing that the money had been +advanced to him at high interest, paid off his +father as quickly as he could. He is now his own +landlord, and Papa is on the look-out for another +good investment.</p> + +<p>I should pity the reader, even were he a Scotchman +as seen through Sydney Smith's spectacles, +if he took this Caledonian for a typical portrait of +the Scotch father.</p> + +<p>At the beginning of this volume, I compared +the Scot to the Norman, and I may say that I +have witnessed, in Normandy, little scenes of +family life which are quite a match for those +I have just described. But the actors in them +were peasants.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I am indebted to a doctor in the neighbourhood +of Aberdeen for the following anecdote:</p> + +<p>"I was one day called to the bedside of an old +farmer who was dangerously ill," said the doctor<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 97]</span> +to me. "On leaving the patient's room, I took +his son aside and told him that it was useless for +me to deceive him as to the state of his father, +and that I very much feared he had not an hour +to live, or, at the best, could not outlast the day."</p> + +<p>"'Are you quite sure?' said the son, scrutinising +me keenly.</p> + +<p>"'I am only too sure,' I replied.</p> + +<p>"I shook the young man's hands and drove +away. I had scarcely been at home an hour, +when a little cart drew up before my door. I saw +the young farmer alight from it and, a minute +later, he entered my consulting room. He held +his cap in his hand, twisting it uneasily.</p> + +<p>"'Is your father worse?' I asked.</p> + +<p>"'No, doctor, just the same. I have come, +because I had a little business in town ... and I +wanted to ask you at the same time.... Well, +I thought that perhaps you wouldn't mind giving +me Father's certificate of death now.... As you +say it is certain he won't pull through the day, I +suppose you don't mind whether it is to-day or +to-morrow that you give it me, and it will save me +the trouble of coming in again on purpose.'</p> + +<p>"It was all I could do to make the young +fellow understand that I could not sign the +certificate of death of a man who was still alive.</p> + +<p>"The old farmer died next morning at nine +o'clock.</p> + +<p>"At ten, the son came to announce the news +and to ask me for the certificate."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 98]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVI" id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Matrimonial Ceremonies.—Sweethearts.—"Un Serrement de +main vaut dix serments de bouche."—"Jack's kisses were +nicer than that."—A Platonic Lover.—"Excuse me, +I'm married."—A wicked Trick.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">n Scotland, matrimonial ceremonies are as +simple as they are practical. No priest, +no mayor brought into requisition; you +take God and your friends to witness. You +present your choice to these latter, and say: "I +take Mary for my wife." The girl on her part +says: "I take Donald for my husband," and there +is an end of the matter. I need not say that you +can go to Church if you prefer it.</p> + +<p>Elementary as the ceremony is, the Scotchman +holds it none the less sacred for that. It is not +without long reflection that he enters into the holy +estate; and the law, which knows the sagacity +and constancy of the Scot, has not hesitated to +sanction such alliances.</p> + +<p>This matrimony made easy in nowise lures the +Scot into rushing at it headlong. Young couples +sometimes remain engaged for years before they +think of taking the great step. This is often +because the man's resources are not sufficient for +housekeeping, but oftener still because the young +people want to know each other thoroughly.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 99]</span></p> + +<p>I appreciate their prudence in the first case as +much as I blame it in the second.</p> + +<p>How can two affianced people know each other, +even if for years they try ever so hard?</p> + +<p>Love easily lives on trifles, flirtation, sentimental +walks, <i>billets doux</i>, and so on. The sky is serene, +the lovers sail on a smooth sea. How can they +know if they are really good sailors before they +have encountered a storm?</p> + +<p>When cares or misfortunes come, to say nothing +of the price of butter and the length of the butcher's +bill, then they make acquaintance. True love +resists these shocks and comes out triumphant, +but the <i>other</i> kind succumbs.</p> + +<p>Let lovers see each other every week, every day, +if you will, their main pastime is the repetition of +their vows: they learn nothing of married life. +The apprenticeship has to begin all over again the +day after the wedding. Lovers may see each +other every day, it is true, but <i>every day</i> is not <i>all +day</i>. Lovers are always on their guard; they put +a bridle on their tongues; before they meet, they +are careful to look in the glass and see that nothing +is amiss with their toilet; but when they are one +each side of the bedroom fireplace, he in slippers +and smoking-cap and she in curl-papers, then +comes the test.</p> + +<p>Familiarity breeds contempt, says the English +proverb. The love that is not based on deep-rooted +friendship, on solid virtues, on an amiable +philosophy, and careful diplomacy, will not survive<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 100]</span> +two years of matrimonial life. Scarcely any of +these things are called into requisition during the +courtship, and this is how <i>mariages de convenance</i> +often turn out better than love-matches. Matrimony +is a huge lottery in both cases.</p> + +<p>I prefer the love-making and matrimonial processes +of England and Scotland to our own French +ones; but if I had a marriageable daughter, I +should be sorry to see her give her heart to a man +who could not marry her for several years.</p> + +<p>The danger with long engagements is that they +often do not end in matrimony, and in such a +case a young girl's future is blighted.</p> + +<p>I do not know if you are of my opinion, dear +Reader, but, according to my taste, making love to +a girl who has been engaged five or six years, is +like sitting down to a dish of <i>réchauffé</i>. Seeing +the liberty that British usage accords to engaged +couples, I maintain that pure as the lady may be +and is, she is none the less a flower that has been +breathed upon and has lost some of its value. +For my part, I should always be afraid to give her +a kiss, for fear she should pout and seem to say:</p> + +<p>"Jack's kisses were far nicer than that!"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I extract the following anecdote from the Memoirs +of Doctor John Brown, a well-known Scotch +divine.</p> + +<p>The doctor, it appears, had for six years and a +half been engaged to be married to a certain lady,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 101]</span> +when it occurred to him that matters were no +further advanced than on the day when he had +asked her for her heart and its dependencies. +The position became intolerable: the doctor had +not yet ventured on anything less ceremonious +than shaking hands with his lady-love. To touch +her hand was something, and perhaps the reverend +gentleman thought, with our French poet:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p> +<i>Ce gage d'amitié plus qu'un autre me touche:<br /> +Un serrement de main vaut dix serments de bouche.</i><br /> +</p></div> + +<p>However, one day, he summoned up all his +courage, and, as they sat in solemn silence, said +suddenly:</p> + +<p>"Janet, we've been acquainted noo six years +an' mair, and I've ne'er gotten a kiss yet. D' ye +think I might take one, my bonnie lass?"</p> + +<p>"What, noo, at once?" cried Janet rather taken by surprise.</p> + +<p>"Yes, noo."</p> + +<p>"Just as you like, John; only be becoming and +proper wi' it."</p> + +<p>"Surely, Janet, and we'll ask a blessing first," +said the young doctor.</p> + +<p>The blessing was asked, the kiss was taken, and +the worthy divine, perfectly overcome with the +blissful sensation, rapturously exclaimed:</p> + +<p>"Eh, lass, but it is guid. We'll return thanks."</p> + +<p>This they did, and the biographer adds that, six +months later, this pious couple were made one +flesh and lived a long life of happy usefulness.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 102]</span></p> + +<p>The following little scene, of which a friend was +witness in Scotland, will show that if Scotch +people in general can see through a joke, there are +also a few who belong to the type described by +Sydney Smith, and for whom the <i>surgical operation</i> +is a sad necessity.</p> + +<p>Several persons had met together in a Scotch +drawing-room, and were passing the evening in +playing at simple games. One of these games +consisted in each person going out of the room in +turn, while the company agreed upon a word to +be guessed at by the absent member on his or her +return.</p> + +<p>A young lady had just gone out of the room.</p> + +<p>During her absence the word <i>passionately</i> was +chosen.</p> + +<p>The young lady having been recalled, each +member of the party in turn went through a little +performance that should lead her to guess the +word, addressing her in passionate language, while +expressing with the features as much love, despair, +or anger, as possible.</p> + +<p>A Scotchman, who looked ill at ease, whispered +in my friend's ear:</p> + +<p>"What must I do?"</p> + +<p>"Try to look madly in love," said my friend, +ready to burst out laughing at the sight of the long +serious face of his neighbour.</p> + +<p>"Couldn't you suggest me something to say?"</p> + +<p>"Why, make the young lady a declaration of +love. Say: 'It is useless to hide my feelings from<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 103]</span> +you any longer; I love you, I adore you,' and then +throw yourself at her feet and——"</p> + +<p>"Excuse me," said the poor fellow quite upset, +"but I'm married."</p> + +<p>When the young lady came to him, he begged +her politely to excuse him, and thought himself +safe; unhappily he was not at the end of his +troubles yet.</p> + +<p>My friend, whose turn came next, threw himself +on his knees, and, with haggard eyes and ruffled +hair, thus addressed her:</p> + +<p>"Dear young lady, this gentleman, whom you +see at my side, is nervous and shy; he loves you +and dares not to tell his love."</p> + +<p>"But, excuse me," cried the Scotchman.</p> + +<p>"Listen not to him, he is dying of love. If +you do not return his flame, I know him, he will +do something desperate. Have pity on him, dear +lady, have pity."</p> + +<p>"<i>Passionately!</i>" cried the young girl.</p> + +<p>The worthy Scot, who had not been able to +screw up his courage to play the part of a passionate +lover, was soon after missed from the company.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 104]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVII" id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Donald is not easily knocked down.—He calmly contemplates +Death, especially other People's.—A thoughtful Wife.—A +very natural Request.—A Consolable Father.—"Job," +1st Chapter, 21st Verse.—Merry Funerals.—They manage +Things better in Ireland.—Gone just in Time.—Touching +Funeral Orations.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">f folks do not laugh much at a wedding +in Scotland, they make up for it at a +funeral.</p> + +<p>Let me hasten to say, that I am sure it would be +insulting the reader's intelligence to tell him that +this applies only to the lower classes.</p> + +<p>As a good Christian and a man who has led +a busy and useful life, Donald calmly contemplates +the approach of death—especially other people's.</p> + +<p>Death is always near, he says to himself, and a +wise man should not be alarmed at its approach.</p> + +<p>Thus fortified with wisdom, he calmly looks the +evil in the face, and lets it not disturb his little +jog-trot existence. This does not imply that he is +wanting in affection, it only means that he accepts +the inevitable without murmuring, and that in him +reason has the mastery over sentiment.</p> + +<p>A <i>guid</i> wife would say to her husband in the +most natural way in the world:</p> + +<p>"Donald, I do not think you have long to live.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 105]</span> +Have you any special request to make me? +Whom would you like invited to your funeral? +Do you wish Jamie to be chief mourner?" and +so on.</p> + +<p>An Edinburgh lady told me that her housemaid +one morning came and asked her for leave of +absence until six in the evening, saying that her +sister was to be buried that day.</p> + +<p>The permission was granted, of course.</p> + +<p>The Scotch know how to keep their word. At +six o'clock precisely the maid returned, but wanted +to know whether she might have the evening free +as well.</p> + +<p>"What do you want the evening for?" asked her +mistress.</p> + +<p>"Oh! ma'am," replied the lassie, "the rest of +the family want to finish the day at the theatre, +and they asked me to go with them."</p> + +<p>Impossible to refuse so natural a request.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>This trait of the Scotch character is often to be +met with in the superior classes also.</p> + +<p>Here is a very striking example of it.</p> + +<p>One of my friends, an eminent professor at one +of the great English public schools, had taken to +Braemar with him a young Scotchman of great +promise whom he wished not to lose sight of +during the long summer vacation.</p> + +<p>The mornings and evenings were devoted to +study. The hot afternoons were spent with Horace<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 106]</span> +and Euripides, on the bank of the Dee, in the +shade of the trees that crowd down to the water's +brink, as if they were all eager to gaze at their +own reflection in the river.</p> + +<p>During the dry season the stream is fordable in +several places, and many times had the young +Scotchman crossed it.</p> + +<p>Wishing to pass a week with his family before +school reopened, the pupil had told his professor +that he wished to leave Braemar before him.</p> + +<p>The day before that which he had fixed for his +departure, a fearful storm had burst over the +neighbourhood.</p> + +<p>Arrived with his knapsack on his back at the +banks of the Dee, he saw before him, not a peaceful +stream, but an angry torrent, swollen and lashed +to fury by the storm.</p> + +<p>The young Scotchman was not to be intimidated. +He had crossed many times, and he would do it +again. Besides, the only other way of getting to +the station was by going two or three miles +further down and taking the boat. He prepared +to ford the stream.</p> + +<p>Next day the poor young fellow's corpse, bruised +and mangled, was found a mile down the river.</p> + +<p>It would be beyond my powers to describe the +despair of the professor, when he heard of the +terrible catastrophe. Entrusted with the care of +the young man, he felt as if guilty of his death. +What could he say to the unhappy parents?</p> + +<p>A telegram was despatched to the father, who<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 107]</span> +arrived the day after. My friend went to meet +him at the station. What was his relief when he +heard this father say to him: "The Lord gave, +and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the +name of the Lord."</p> + +<p>And he added:</p> + +<p>"This sublime passage is from <i>Job</i>, first chapter +and twenty-second verse—let me see, is it the +twenty-first or the twenty-second verse? It is the +twenty-first, I am pretty sure."</p> + +<p>"I fear I cannot say," replied my friend.</p> + +<p>They walked, discussing the Book of <i>Job</i> the +while, to the house where lay the remains of the +unfortunate youth.</p> + +<p>Do not suppose that the Scotchman ran to +imprint a farewell kiss on the brow of his dead +son. He seized upon a Bible that lay on the +drawing-room table, turned to the Book of <i>Job</i>, and +having found the passage he had quoted, said +with a triumphant look at the professor:</p> + +<p>"It is the twenty-first verse—I knew I was +right."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>In days gone by, Scotch funerals were made the +occasions of visiting and great drinking. During +the week that preceded the actual burying, open +house was kept for the relatives and friends of the +<i>corpse</i>,<a name="FNanchor_A_3" id="FNanchor_A_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_3" class="fnanchor">[C]</a> and prodigious quantities of whisky were +<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 108]</span> +consumed. These scenes took place among the +aristocracy and the gentry as well as among +the lower classes, and they culminated in a general +drinking bout on the day of the interment.</p> + +<p>The route of the funeral procession might be +traced by the victims of Scotch hospitality to +be seen lying helplessly inebriated by the wayside, +and only a small remnant of it reached the graveyard. +More than once was the coffin, which was +carried by hand, left by the hedge, and the burial +put off until the morrow. After several stages +the defunct reached his long home.<a name="FNanchor_A_4" id="FNanchor_A_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_4" class="fnanchor">[D]</a></p> + +<p>To-day such scenes would excite as much disgust +in Scotland as anywhere else. Scotch manners +and customs have greatly toned down.</p> + +<p>In the lower classes, however, the burial of a +relative is still an occasion for Bacchanalian +festivities, and the day is finished up, as we have +seen, at the theatre or other place of entertainment, +where a pleasant evening can be spent.</p> + +<p>But what is this in comparison with that which +still goes on in Ireland in our day? That is where +the thing is brought to perfection.</p> + +<p>As I fear I might be taxed with imposture, if I +attempted to give a description of the Irish wake, +I will pass the pen to an English journalist.</p> + +<p>A woman having died suddenly at Waterford, +the Coroner had, according to law, ordered an +inquest. Here is the deposition of the police +<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 109]</span> +constable; I extract it from my newspaper (May +8th, 1887):</p> + +<p>"When I entered the house last night, I found +all the family in the room where the coffin was. +They were all drunk. The deceased had been +raised to a sitting posture in the coffin, and, by +means of cords attached to her hands and feet, +was being made to execute all kinds of marionette +performances. It was like a <i>Punch and Judy</i> show, +at which the corpse played the part of <i>Punch</i>. One +of the sons was seated near the coffin playing a +concertina. When they saw me enter, the young +men quarrelled over the body, and danced around +madly to the sound of the instrument. I had the +greatest difficulty to get possession of the corpse +for the inquest."</p> + +<p>One would think one was reading a description +of some scene of life in an out-of-the-way island of +Oceania, instead of the sister-isle of civilised +England.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>One more anecdote to show that Donald views +the approach of dissolution in his neighbour, +without alarm.</p> + +<p>An old Scotchman, feeling death at hand, had +bidden all his family to his bedside.</p> + +<p>"I have sent for you," he said to them, "in order +to give you my last commands. I leave my house +and all that belongs to it to my son Donald, as +well as all my cattle."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 110]</span></p> + +<p>"Puir old father, he keeps his faculties to the +last," said Donald to his neighbour.</p> + +<p>"As for my personal property, I desire that it +may be divided equally between...."</p> + +<p>Here the old man's voice failed. He made a +last effort to speak. His children bent down to +catch his words.</p> + +<p>He was dead.</p> + +<p>"Puir father," cried Donald, "he is gone just +as he was beginning to rave."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Here is a touching funeral oration.</p> + +<p>Donald had just had the misfortune to lose on +the same day his wife and his cow.</p> + +<p>"Oh, my poor Janet," he lamented, "why have +ye left me? Wha 'll gie me back my Janet?"</p> + +<p>"Nonsense! you will soon get over it," said a +friend, "times cures every ill. You'll marry again +by-and-by."</p> + +<p>"It may be, I dinna say no; but wha 'll gie me +back my Janet?"</p> + +<p>Janet, as the reader may have divined, was the +name of the "coo."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 111]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVIII" id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Intellectual Life in Scotland.—The Climate is not so bad as +it is represented to be.—Comparisons.—Literary and +Scientific Societies.—Why should not France possess +such Societies?—Scotch Newspapers.—Scotland is the +Sinew of the British Empire.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 56px;"> +<img src="images/caph.jpg" width="56" height="80" alt="H" title="H" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">ow active and intellectual life in Scotland +seems, in comparison with the petty and +monotonous existence led by the dwellers +in Provincial France!</p> + +<p>Is it the climate that so stirs the Scotch up to +action? Possibly it may be, up to a certain point: +in a cold damp climate, a man feels it imperative +to keep his brain and body stirring; however, it +is not fair to abuse that poor Scotch climate too +much. I saw roses blooming on the walls of a +house I visited at in Helensburgh last January, +and I culled primroses in the open air in February, +at Buckie on the north coast of Scotland.</p> + +<p>Scotch intellectual activity is the result of a +widespread education which is within the reach +of the poorest.</p> + +<p>Enter the lowliest cottage and you will find +books there—the Bible, books on agriculture, a +novel or two, and almost invariably the poems of +their dear Burns.</p> + +<p>There is no little town of three or four thousand<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 112]</span> +inhabitants but has its Literary and Scientific +Society.</p> + +<p>In some cases, a rich philanthropist has come +forward with a sum of money to build a suitable +home for the Society, but very often no such +building exists, and the meetings are held in the +Town Hall, or some other public edifice of the +place.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Scotchwomen are excellent housewives. In +their leisure time they draw, write, and make +themselves acquainted with the social, religious, +and political, questions of the day.</p> + +<p>They organise societies for the help of the poor, +or get up concerts in aid of the unfortunate. On +Sundays, they teach the Bible to the children of +the poor. The old maids hunt out cases of distress +and make themselves useful to the community: +they do the house-to-house visitation.</p> + +<p>At any rate it is living.</p> + +<p>Compare this existence with life as led in Provincial +France, where people are wrapped up in +their own family circle, take to keeping birds, and +divide their spare time between saying their +<i>pater nosters</i> and criticising their neighbours.</p> + +<p>In Paris there is too much life, and in the +provinces too little. All the blood goes to the head, +and the body droops and is paralysed. It is the +initiative spirit that is wanting; for, thank Heaven, +it is neither the brain nor the money that lacks.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 113]</span></p> + +<p>I spoke of Buckie at the commencement of this +chapter. You have probably never heard of +Buckie, dear Reader. I assure you that a few +months ago I was in the same state of ignorance. +My lecturing manager had marked this little town +on my list. I was invited to lecture at Buckie, it +appeared.</p> + +<p>This little hive of three or four thousand bees +looked to me, as I alighted from the train, like a +most insignificant little place.</p> + +<p>The chief doctor of the town, having written to +offer me hospitality for the night, had come to the +station to meet me.</p> + +<p>"Do you mean to say you have a Literary +Society here?" I said to him.</p> + +<p>"I should think so indeed," he replied; "and a +very flourishing one it is."</p> + +<p>"It is a manufacturing town, I suppose?"</p> + +<p>"Well, no; we have here a few well-to-do +families. The rest of the town consists of farmers, +shopkeepers, and fisherfolk."</p> + +<p>"I hope the lecture-room is a small one," I +remarked.</p> + +<p>"Make yourself easy about that," he replied; +"our room holds from seven to eight hundred +people, but I guarantee it will be full to-night. +They will all want to come and hear what the +Frenchman has got to say."</p> + +<p>I pretended to feel reassured, but I was far from +being so.</p> + +<p>His prediction was verified after all, and never<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 114]</span> +did I have a more intelligent and appreciative +audience.</p> + +<p>Surely Lyons, Marseilles, Lille, Nantes, Nancy, +Bordeaux, ought to be able to do what can be +done by Buckie!</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I doubt whether the Scotch are more intelligent +than the English (I mean the masses), but they +are still more energetic and persevering, much +more frugal and economical, and certainly more +intellectual; that is to say, that the pleasures they +seek after are of a higher order.</p> + +<p>The Scotch are great readers.</p> + +<p>In their public libraries, I have seen hundreds +of workmen and labourers thronged around the +tables, and absorbed in reading the newspapers.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Scotch papers, such as the <i>Scotsman</i>, the +<i>Glasgow Herald</i>, the <i>Glasgow News</i>, the <i>British Mail</i>, +are in no wise behind the London papers in importance +or in literary merit. They have their +own correspondents in all the capitals of the +world, and get the news of the day at first +hand.</p> + +<p>Comic papers are remarkable by their absence. +The Scot does not throw away his time and money +on such trifles.</p> + +<p>On the other hand, religious papers swarm and +make their fortune.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 115]</span></p> + +<p>The famous <i>Edinburgh Review</i> has perhaps no +longer quite the reputation it used to enjoy, but it +is still one of the most important <i>Reviews</i> of Great +Britain.</p> + +<p>Yes, in all truth, Scotland is an energetic, robust, +and intelligent, nation.</p> + +<p>It is the sinew of the British Empire.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIX" id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Higher Education in Scotland.—The Universities.—How +they differ from English Universities.—Is he a Gentleman?—Scholarships.—A +Visit to the University of Aberdeen.—English +Prejudice against Scotch Universities.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 53px;"> +<img src="images/caps.jpg" width="53" height="80" alt="S" title="S" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">cotland boasts four universities: +Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen, and St. +Andrew's.</p> + +<p>These four great centres of learning constitute +the system of Higher Education in Scotland.</p> + +<p>These universities differ essentially from the +two great English ones, first because men go there +to work, secondly because they are open to the +people. A peasant's son, like Thomas Carlyle for +instance, can go there without fearing that his +fellow-students will avoid him because he comes +of a poor family.</p> + +<p>When a new student arrives at Oxford or +Cambridge, the others do not enquire whether<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 116]</span> +he is a clever fellow or a dunce; what they want +to know is what his father is, and who was his +grandfather. It is only after obtaining a satisfactory +answer to these questions that they +associate with the new comer.</p> + +<p>In Scotland, as in France, every man who is +well educated and has the manners of good +society is a gentleman. The son of a peasant +possessing these is received everywhere.</p> + +<p>Each Scotch university offers from fifty to +eighty scholarships, varying in value from £8 to +£70. These sums, paid annually to the winners +of the scholarships, help them to live while they +are devoting their time to study.</p> + +<p>The most admirable thing about high education +in Scotland is that it is put within the reach of all, +and is not, as it is in England, a sugarplum held +so high as to be often unattainable.</p> + +<p>The result is that every intelligent young Scotchman +may aim at entering a profession. There +may be in this a little danger to the commerce and +agriculture of the country. However, these young +men do not encumber Scotland; their studies fit +them for a lucrative career, which they often go +and seek in the Colonies. An Australian friend +told me recently that more than half the doctors +in Victoria were Scotchmen.</p> + +<p>I have spoken, in a previous chapter, of the +privations that Scotch undergraduates will often +impose upon themselves. Nothing is more remarkable +than the sustained application and<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 117]</span> +indefatigable will which they bring to bear on +their studies. Nothing distracts them from their +aim; they never lose sight of the diploma that +will be their bread-winner. I have seen them at +work, these Scotch students. I visited the School +of Medicine at Aberdeen University, in the company +of Dr. John Struthers, the learned Professor +of Anatomy. I was struck, in passing through +the dissecting room, to see about fifty students, +without any professor, so absorbed in their work +that not one of them lifted his head as we +passed.</p> + +<p>In France it would have been very different: +every eye would have been turned to the stranger, +and all through the room there would have been a +whisper of <i>Qui ça</i>? And then remarks and jokes +would have run rife.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The English are very prejudiced against the +Scotch universities.</p> + +<p>How many times have I been told in England +that young fellows, who fail to obtain their +medical diploma in England, could get them +easily enough in Scotland. Nothing is more +absurd; if ever it was so, it was a long while ago. +In these days, the examinations of the four Scotch +faculties are quite as severe and quite as difficult +as the English ones.</p> + +<p>Whenever there is a vacant mastership in an +English public school advertised in the news<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 118]</span>papers, +it is always stated that the candidates for +the post must be graduates of one of the universities +of the United Kingdom. This does not +alter the fact that candidates, who are not Oxford +or Cambridge men, have no chance of being +elected. I have known Scotch masters in the +public schools. They had studied at Edinburgh, +Glasgow, or Aberdeen, but had gone to Oxford or +Cambridge to reside, in order to obtain an English +degree.</p> + +<p>Why is this?</p> + +<p>Simply because these two great English universities +give their old scholars an importance, not +necessarily literary or scientific, but social; they +stamp them gentlemen.</p> + +<p>Whatever the English may say, the universities +of old Scotland are the nurseries of learned and +useful citizens. Of this they would soon be convinced +if they would visit those great centres of +intellectual activity. But this is just what they +avoid doing. When the English go to Scotland, +it is to fish or to shoot in the Highlands, and +whatever they may get in the way of game or fish, +they do not pick up much serious information on +the subject of Scotland.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 119]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XX" id="CHAPTER_XX"></a>CHAPTER XX.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Scotch Literature.—Robert Burns.—Walter Scott.—Thomas +Carlyle and Adam Smith.—Burns Worship.—Scotch +Ballads and Poetry.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 53px;"> +<img src="images/caps.jpg" width="53" height="80" alt="S" title="S" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">cotland possesses a national literature +of which the greatest nations might justly +be proud.</p> + +<p>To take only the great names, it may safely be +said that more touching and sublime poetry than +that of Burns was never written, that Walter +Scott was the greatest novelist of the century, that +Thomas Carlyle has never been surpassed as a +historian and essayist, and that Adam Smith's +<i>The Wealth of Nations</i> can be considered as the +basis of modern political economy.</p> + +<p>I pass over the Humes, Smolletts, and other +illustrious representatives of Scotch literature, +on whom I certainly do not intend to write an +essay.</p> + +<p>But how can one speak of Scotland without +devoting a few words to Robert Burns? In their +worship of their great poet I see a trait characteristic +of the Scotch people.</p> + +<p>Scotland is above all things full of practical +common sense, but it is steeped to the brim in +poetry. There is poetry at the core of every Scot.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 120]</span> +Visit the castle of the rich, or the cottage of the +poor, or step into your hotel bedroom, and you +will see the portrait of the graceful bard.</p> + +<p>I happened to be in Edinburgh on the 25th of +January, the anniversary of Burns' birth. The +theatres were empty. Everyone was celebrating +the anniversary. Dinners, meetings, lectures were +consecrated to Burns; and that which was passing +in Edinburgh was also passing, on a small scale, +in every little Scotch village.</p> + +<p>It was a national communion.</p> + +<p>Burns wrote in Scotch, and in celebrating the +anniversary of his birth, they celebrated a national +fête. His poetry reminds them that they belong +to a nation perfectly distinct from England, a +nation having a literature of her own. This is +why his memory is revered by high and low alike. +The Scotch could no more part with their Burns +than England with Shakespeare, or Italy with +Dante. The Gaelic tongue is rapidly dying out, +Scotch customs become more and more English +every day, but each year only adds to the glory of +Robert Burns. His poems have run rapidly through +many editions—they have reached more than a +hundred up to now—the sad story of his life is +retold every year, and his portrait is still in great +demand. The popularity Burns still enjoys in +Scotland may be judged from the fact than in one +single shop in Edinburgh there are twenty thousand +portraits of the poet sold annually.</p> + +<p>Whilst the English allow the house which<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 121]</span> +Carlyle inhabited for so many years at Chelsea to +go to ruins, the Scotch take a pride in showing the +stranger the little clay cottage where Burns first +saw the light on the 25th of January, 1759.</p> + +<p>It is with real regret that I turn from the subject +of the "Ayrshire Ploughman," his life and his +works. Few poets have united as he has, delicate +pathos and comic force, pure <i>rêverie</i> and the sense +of the grotesque. But after all, I should but do +what has been done over and over again by his +numerous biographers, the chief of whom are +Carlyle, Chambers, and Professor Shairp.</p> + +<p>Longfellow has said that what Jasmin, the +author of the <i>The Blind Girl of Castel Cuillé</i>, was +to the south of France, Burns was to the south of +Scotland: the representative of the heart of the +people.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Nothing can be more suave, piquant, and +picturesque than the wild and primitive melodies +of the songs of Scotland. The Scotch ballad is +the spontaneous production of the touching and +simple genius of the nation.</p> + +<p>The words are full of pathos and rustic humour. +The music is light, often plaintive, always graceful. +The whole has a delicious perfume of the +mountain. I know of no other kind of song to +compare with it, unless it were perhaps the songs +of the Tyrol and a few <i>Breton</i> ballads.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 122]</span></p> + +<p>The verses of Burns and other Scotch poets +have inspired some of the greatest musicians. +Mendelssohn was a great admirer of them.</p> + +<p>Madame Patti delights to charm her audiences +with "Comin' thro' the rye," or "Within a mile o' +Edinbro' town," and these vocal gems suit the +supple voice of the inimitable songstress; they +even suit her very person, as she sings them in her +arch manner, and finishes up with a saucy little +curtsey.</p> + +<p>The songs of Scotland, old as they are most of +them, have lost nothing of their freshness. They +are still the delight of the nation.<a name="FNanchor_A_5" id="FNanchor_A_5"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_5" class="fnanchor">[E]</a></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXI" id="CHAPTER_XXI"></a>CHAPTER XXI.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>The Dance in Scotland.—Reels and Highland Schottische.—Is +Dancing a Sin?—Dances of Antiquity.—There is +no Dancing now.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 60px;"> +<img src="images/capp.jpg" width="60" height="80" alt="P" title="P" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">eople do not dance now—in drawing-rooms +at least—they walk, says M. +Ratisbonne.</p> + +<p>In Scotland, however, people still dance.</p> + +<p>The Scotch have preserved the primitive, innocent, +pastoral character of this exercise.</p> + +<p>Nothing is more graceful than the reel and +schottische of the Highlands.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 123]</span></p> + +<p>The reel demands great agility. Two swords +are placed crosswise on the ground and, to the +sound of bagpipes, Donald executes double and +triple pirouettes in and out, carefully avoiding the +weapons.</p> + +<p>Ask me how Society dances in Scotland and I +will answer: just as it does elsewhere, but with a +gravity that would do honour to our senators.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Scotch are not all agreed as to whether +dancing is sinful or not.</p> + +<p>Certain dwellers in the Highlands look on it as +the eighth deadly sin; the Shakers, on the +contrary, consider it as the most edifying of religious +exercises.</p> + +<p>Between the two, the margin is wide.</p> + +<p>Socrates, the wisest of men in the eyes of +Apollo, admired this exercise and learned dancing +in his old age. Homer speaks of Merion as a good +dancer, and adds that the grace and agility he +had acquired in dancing rendered him superior to +all the Greek and Trojan warriors.</p> + +<p>Dancing was among the religious acts of the +Hebrews, Greeks, and Egyptians. The early +Fathers of the Church led the dance of the children +at solemn festivals.</p> + +<p>The holy king David danced in front of the +Ark, as we know by the Scriptures.</p> + +<p>Real virtue is amiable, and tolerance and gaiety +are its distinguishing marks.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 124]</span></p> + +<p>For my part, I know no more charming sight +than those village dances, becoming, alas! more +and more rare. Boys and girls gave themselves +up to mirthful pleasure without thought of harm, +and these pastoral fêtes kept alive joy and innocence +in the hearts of our villagers. We are +growing too serious, the railways and telegraph +have upset us and enervated us, we are getting +languid and dull.</p> + +<p>If I am to believe the Scotch, with whom I +have talked on the subject, it is not dancing that +they object to, it is the fashion in which people +dance nowadays. They admire the contre-dance +and minuet, but consider it improper that a man +should whirl round a room with a half-dressed +lady in his arms.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXII" id="CHAPTER_XXII"></a>CHAPTER XXII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>The Wisdom of Scotland.—Proverbs.—Morals in Words +and Morals in Deeds.—Maxims.—The Scot is a Judge +of Human Nature.—Scotch and Norman Proverbs +compared.—Practical Interpretation of a Passage of the +Bible.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">n a country where everyone moralises, one +may expect to find a great number of +proverbs, those time-honoured oracles of +the wisdom of nations.</p> + +<p>And, indeed, Scotland, the home of moral<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 125]</span> +phrases <i>par excellence</i>, owns more than three +thousand proverbs.</p> + +<p>These proverbs show up all the characteristics +of the Scotch people, their prudence, caution, +sagacity, self-confidence, and knowledge of human +nature.</p> + +<p>Several of them are not exclusively Scotch, +whatever the Scotch people may say. We have, in +Normandy, many which may differ slightly in the +wording, but which express the same ideas, a fact +which shows once more how many traits of character +the Scot has in common with the Norman.</p> + +<p>Here are a few:</p> + +<p><i>Mony smas mak a muckle.</i> The French say "Little +streams make big rivers."</p> + +<p><i>Anes payit never cravit</i> (no more debts, no more +bothers). The French go further when they say: +"A man is the richer for paying his debts." I am +afraid the truth of this adage might fail to strike +the Scotchman at first sight. The only privilege +of a proverb is to be incontestable. This French +proverb smacks of the sermon, it oversteps the +mark.</p> + +<p><i>A cat may look at a king.</i> One man is as good +as another. This illustrates the independence of +the Scotch character.</p> + +<p><i>Be a frien' to yoursel', an sae will ithers.</i> "Help +yourself and Heaven will help you."</p> + +<p><i>We'll bark oursels ere we buy dogs sae dear.</i> A good +maxim of political economy: "Don't pay others +to do what you can do for yourself."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 126]</span></p> + +<p><i>A' Stuarts are na sib to the King</i>: All Stuarts are +not related to the King. The French say: "The +frock does not make the monk."</p> + +<p><i>Guid folk are scarce, tak care o' me.</i> The Normans +say: "Good folks are scarce in the parish, take +care of me."</p> + +<p><i>He that cheats me ance, shame fa' him; he that +cheats me twice, shame fa' me.</i> A proverb that well +illustrates Scotch caution.</p> + +<p>The fear of the devil has inspired many Scotch +proverbs, which are in constant use still.</p> + +<p><i>The de'il's nae sae ill as he's caaed.</i> A delicate little +compliment to his Satanic Majesty: the Scot is +right, one never knows what may happen, it is as +well to make friends with the mammon of unrighteousness. +A personage who receives so few +compliments is likely to remember with pleasure +the folks who pay them.</p> + +<p>The same neat spirit of flattery is visible in the +following proverb:</p> + +<p><i>It's a sin to lee on the de'il.</i></p> + +<p><i>The de'il's bairns hae de'il's luck, and the de'il's aye +gude to his ain</i>, are used to hurl at people who +excite jealousy by their success.</p> + +<p>Scotch sarcasm is well illustrated in such a +proverb as:</p> + +<p><i>Ye wad do little for God gin the de'il war deid.</i> This +is reducing the <i>unco' guid</i> to the level of devil +dodgers.</p> + +<p><i>It's ill to wauken sleepin' dogs.</i> This is rather hard +on the dog, who certainly cannot be considered the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 127]</span> +emblem of wickedness and hypocrisy. In France +we say: "Do not waken the sleeping cat," and I +think with more show of reason.</p> + +<p>The following is full of poetry:</p> + +<p><i>The evening bring a' hame.</i> The evening brings +the family together around the hearth, and in the +evening of life man turns his thoughts homewards, +forgets the faults of his neighbours, and lays aside +disputes and strivings.</p> + +<p><i>Let him tak a spring on his ain fiddle</i>, says a proverb +that illustrates the coolness with which Donald +will bide his time. A lawyer, who had to listen to +an eloquent tirade of an opponent in court, contented +himself with remarking: "Aweel, aweel, +sir, you're welcome to a tune on your ain fiddle; +but see if I dinna gar ye dance till't afore it's +dune."</p> + +<p>The same idea occurs in:</p> + +<p><i>Ne'er let on but laugh i' your ain sleeve.</i></p> + +<p><i>A travelled man has leave to lee</i>: Folks will not go +to far countries to prove his words. O Tartarin +de Tarascon!</p> + +<p><i>Better learn by your neighbour's skaith than your ain +skin.</i> So might Cleopatra have said when she tried +the effect of poisons on her slaves before making +her own choice.</p> + +<p><i>Drink little that ye may drink lang</i>, is a piece of +advice Donald has well laid to heart, only he has +modified the first part considerably.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I think I have quoted enough proverbs to prove<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 128]</span> +that the Scot has the measure of his neighbour, +and knows how to make use of him.</p> + +<p>Most of them have a smack of realism which +shows that Donald has a serious aim in life, that +of being a successful man.</p> + +<p>Even the use he makes of the precepts of the +Bible proves it. He uses his Bible, but adapts to +his purpose the lessons he finds therein.</p> + +<p>The Bible is his servant rather than his master, +and has this good about it, that with a little +cleverness it can be made to prove anything.</p> + +<p>If he sometimes come across a precept which is +perfectly clear and irrefutable, Donald does not +scruple to ignore it.</p> + +<p>I was talking with a Scotchman one evening +about the different religions of the world, and I +remarked to him that when the Mussulmans call +us "dogs of Christians," it is not because we are +Christians, for they are admirers of the Christian +religion, but simply because we do not follow the +precepts of Christianity.</p> + +<p>"The Mussulmans are quite right," I said, +"Christianity is the grandest thing in the world; +but Christians are mostly 'Pharisees and hypocrites' +who believe little in their religion and act +up to it still less."</p> + +<p>He, on the contrary, maintained that Christians +were no less admirable than their faith, that they +followed the precepts contained in the Sermon on +the Mount to the letter, and finally that of all +Christians the Scotch were the cream.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 129]</span></p> + +<p>We argued long without either of us convincing +the other, and I must admit that my host, who +was a much cleverer theologian than myself, had +the last word.</p> + +<p>In taking leave of him that night, I was bold +enough to return to the charge. "Come, my dear +sir," I began, "if we receive a blow on our right +cheek, the Scriptures command us to offer our left +also. If a man struck you on the right cheek, now +what would you do?"</p> + +<p>"What would I do?" he said after drawing a +great whiff at his pipe. "What would I do? By +Jove, I'd give him two that he wouldn't soon forget, +I can tell you!"</p> + +<p>I shook hands with my host, and retired in +triumph.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIII" id="CHAPTER_XXIII"></a>CHAPTER XXIII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Massacre of the English Tongue.—Donald the Friend of +France.—Scotch Anecdotes again.—Reason of their +Drollery.—Picturesque Dialect.—Dry Old Faces.—A +Scotch Chambermaid.—Oddly-placed Moustachios.—My +Chimney smokes.—Sarcastic Spirit.—A good +Chance of entering Paradise thrown away.—Robbie +Burns and the Greenock Shopkeeper.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 62px;"> +<img src="images/capt2.jpg" width="62" height="80" alt="T" title="T" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">he Scotch may be recognised at the first +word by the very strong,<a name="FNanchor_A_6" id="FNanchor_A_6"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_6" class="fnanchor">[F]</a> sonorous +accent with which they speak English. +It is like a German accent with the <i>r</i>'s of the +<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 130]</span> +Normans. In the North of Scotland, the accent +is so Teutonic that one seems to be listening to +Germans talking English. The letters <i>b</i>, <i>d</i>, and +<i>v</i> are changed into <i>p</i>, <i>t</i>, and <i>f</i>. The <i>ch</i> is perfectly +German at the end of a word, such as <i>loch</i>. <i>Ght</i> +becomes <i>cht</i>, and is pronounced as in the German +word <i>nacht</i>.</p> + +<p>Certainly there is nothing insurmountably difficult +to understand in all this; but that rogue of a +Donald has a way of eating the ends of many of +his words, of running the mutilated remains in +together with such bewildering rapidity, and accompanying +the whole with such a tremendous +rolling of <i>r</i>'s, that the stranger is completely staggered +until his ear grows accustomed to the +jargon.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The English language is composed of about +forty-three thousand words, out of which fourteen +thousand are of Germanic origin, and twenty-nine +thousand have come into it from the Latin +through the Norman dialect. But in Scotland +you will hear the people using numbers of modern +French words, which are no part of the English +vocabulary. These words are remnants of the +close relations that existed between France and +Scotland in the sixteenth century. They are +mostly heard now in the mouths of the older +inhabitants.</p> + +<p>For nearly a hundred years past the English<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 131]</span> +have been continually borrowing words from us +(a loan which we return with interest), but they +are words which will only be found in use among +the upper classes. The case is different in Scotland. +There the French words were adopted by +the people, and it is the people that still use them, +and not the better educated classes, for these +latter avoid them as vulgar. In a hundred years +they will probably have fallen into disuse. It +may not therefore be out of place to give here +a list, which I think is pretty complete, of the +French words that form the last trace of an alliance +which has left to this day a very pronounced +sentiment of affection for France in the hearts of +the Scotch.</p> + +<p>There were doubtless many others in use formerly, +but I have collected only those which may +still be heard in everyday use among the Scotch +populace:</p> + +<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary="Words List"> +<tr> + <th><span class="smcap">Scotch.</span></th> + <th><span class="smcap">English.</span></th> + <th><span class="smcap">French.</span></th> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Ashet</td> + <td>Dish</td> + <td>Assiette</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Aumrie</td> + <td>Cupboard</td> + <td>Armoire</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Bonnaille</td> + <td>Parting glass</td> + <td>Bon aller</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Bourd</td> + <td>Jest</td> + <td>Bourde</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Braw</td> + <td>Fine</td> + <td>Brave</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Caraff</td> + <td>Decanter</td> + <td>Carafe</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Certy</td> + <td>Certainly</td> + <td>Certes</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Dambrod</td> + <td>Draught board</td> + <td>Dames</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Dementit</td> + <td>Derange</td> + <td>Démentir</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Dorty</td> + <td>Sulky</td> + <td>Dureté</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Douce</td> + <td>Mild</td> + <td>Doux</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Dour</td> + <td>Obstinate</td> + <td>Dur</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 132]</span>Fash oneself (to)</td> + <td>Get angry (to)</td> + <td>Fâcher (se)</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Fashious</td> + <td>Troublesome</td> + <td>Fâcheux</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Gardy loo</td> + <td>Look out</td> + <td>Gardez l'eau (gare l'eau)</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Gardyveen</td> + <td>Wine bin</td> + <td>Garde-vin</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Gean</td> + <td>Cherry</td> + <td>Guigne</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Gigot</td> + <td>Leg of mutton</td> + <td>Gigot</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Gou</td> + <td>Taste</td> + <td>Goût</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Grange</td> + <td>Granary</td> + <td>Grange</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Grosserts</td> + <td>Gooseberries</td> + <td>Groseilles</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Gysart</td> + <td>Disguised</td> + <td>Guise</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Haggis</td> + <td>Hatched meat</td> + <td>Hachis</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Hogue</td> + <td>Tainted</td> + <td>Haut goût</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Jalouse (to)</td> + <td>Suspect</td> + <td>Jalouser</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Jupe</td> + <td>Skirt</td> + <td>Jupe</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Kimmer</td> + <td>Gossip</td> + <td>Commère</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Mouter</td> + <td>Mixture of corn</td> + <td>Mouture</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Pantufles</td> + <td>Slippers</td> + <td>Pantoufles</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Pertricks</td> + <td>Partridges</td> + <td>Perdrix</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Petticoat tails</td> + <td>Cakes</td> + <td>Petits gatelles (gâteaux)</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Pouch</td> + <td>Pocket</td> + <td>Poche</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Prosh, madame</td> + <td>Come, madam</td> + <td>Aprochez, madame</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Reeforts</td> + <td>Radishes</td> + <td>Raiforts</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Ruckle</td> + <td>Heap (of stones)</td> + <td>Recueil</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Serviter</td> + <td>Napkin</td> + <td>Serviette</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Sucker</td> + <td>Sugar</td> + <td>Sucre</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Tassie</td> + <td>Cup</td> + <td>Tasse</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Ule</td> + <td>Oi</td> + <td>Huile</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Verity</td> + <td>Truth</td> + <td>Vérité</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>Vizzy</td> + <td>Aim</td> + <td>Viser</td> +</tr> +</table> + +<p>These are not, as may be seen, words borrowed +from our milliners and dressmakers; they are terms<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 133]</span> +that express the necessaries of life, and which the +Scotch housewives have not yet forgotten. They +prove in an irrefutable manner that the two nations +mixed and knew each other intimately.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The language spoken by the Scotch lends itself +to humour. Their picturesque pronunciation gives +their conversation a piquancy which defies imitation. +A Scotch anecdote told in Scotch language +never misses its effect. Tell it in English, or any +other language, and it loses all its raciness.</p> + +<p>As I have already remarked, the Scot does not +seek to appear witty, still less amusing, and there +lies the charm. His remarks are not intended to +be quaint, but are intensely so. Their drollery +lies in the dialect and the combination of ideas. +The Scotch are quick to seize the humorous side +of things, and that without being aware of it. +Their remarks are made with an imperturbable +gravity, without a gesture, or the movement of a +muscle.</p> + +<p>I fancy I see still the old Scotch servant with +whom I was speaking on the subject of a fire +which would not burn in my room at a hotel. +All at once she interrupted the conversation; she +had just perceived, on the top of my head, a +somewhat solitary lock of hair.</p> + +<p>"Are ye growin' a moustache on the top o' +your heid?" she exclaimed without a smile.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 134]</span></p> + +<p>My first impulse was to bid her mind her business, +and make my fire draw. But though I disliked +the familiarity, I saw immediately that the +good creature, a bony Scotchwoman of at least +fifty summers, had not had the least intention of +joking me, still less of vexing me. Her stolid +expression, her quaint accent, to say nothing of +the incongruous idea that had come to her lips, it +all diverted me intensely, and I laughed well over +it to the great astonishment of the worthy woman, +who went away grumbling at the fire which had +proved very obdurate.</p> + +<p>The chimney continued to smoke horribly, and +presently I rang the bell again.</p> + +<p>The woman reappeared.</p> + +<p>"This chimney smokes atrociously still," I said.</p> + +<p>You should have seen her dry old face as she +simply remarked:</p> + +<p>"Eh, mony a ane has complained o' that +chimney."</p> + +<p>The familiarity of the Scotch servant is an old +theme. The good humour of the master in Scotland +encourages familiarity in the servant, and +the fidelity of the latter causes it to be overlooked.</p> + +<p>I remember the dinner-gong had been sounded +in a house where I was one day visiting, and not +being quite ready, I was still in my room. Someone +knocked at my door. It was an old servant. +"Noo," said she, "it's time to come doun to your +dinner."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 135]</span></p> + +<p>Scotch wit is cutting, there is often a sarcastic +thrust in it, sometimes even a little spice of +malice.</p> + +<p>You hear none of those good broad bulls, brimming +over with innocence, that are so amusing in +the Irish; the Scotch witticisms are sharp strokes +that penetrate and strike home.</p> + +<p>Lunardi, the aeronaut, having made an ascent +in his balloon at Edinburgh, came down on the +property of a Presbyterian minister in the neighbourhood +of Cupar.</p> + +<p>"We have been up a prodigious way," said the +aeronaut to the minister; "I really believe we +must have been close to the gates of Paradise."</p> + +<p>"What a pity you did not go in!" replied the +Scotchman, "you may never be so near again."</p> + +<p>I might give numerous examples of this sarcastic +wit that so often underlies Scotch anecdotes. +I will only cite one more. This time we +have Robert Burns for hero, and I extract the +story from his biography:</p> + +<p>The celebrated poet was one day walking on +Greenock pier, when a rich tradesman, who happened +to be there also, slipped and fell in the +water. Being unable to swim, he would have +been drowned but for the bravery of a sailor who +threw himself, all dressed as he was, into the +water, and brought him to land.</p> + +<p>When the tradesman had regained consciousness +and recovered from his fright, he bethought +himself that he ought to reward his rescuer.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 136]</span> +Putting his hand in his pocket, he drew out a +shilling, which he generously presented to the +brave sailor.</p> + +<p>The crowd that had gathered round in admiration +of the sailor's heroic act could not restrain +its indignation. Protestations were followed by +hoots, and the object of their scorn came very +near being returned to the water—to learn his +way about.</p> + +<p>Robbie Burns, however, succeeded in appeasing +their wrath.</p> + +<p>"Calm yourselves," said he; "this gentleman +is certainly a better judge of his own value than +you can be."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIV" id="CHAPTER_XXIV"></a>CHAPTER XXIV.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>The Staff of Life in Scotland.—Money is round and flat.—Cheap +Restaurants.—Democratic Bill of Fare.—Caution +to the Public.</i>—"Parritch!"—<i>The Secret of Scotland's +Success.—The National Drink of Scotland.—Scotch and +Irish Whiskies.—Whisky a very slow Poison.—Dean +Ramsay's best Anecdote.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">n Scotland, the staff of life is porridge, +pronounced <i>parritch</i> by the natives.</p> + +<p>Porridge is served at breakfast in every +Scotch home, from the castle to the cottage. It is +the first dish at breakfast, or the only one, according +to the income.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 137]</span></p> + +<p>Porridge is a food which satisfies and strengthens, +and which, it seems, is rich in bone-forming +matter.</p> + +<p>Many a brave young Scotch undergraduate, +with rubicund face and meagre purse, breakfasts +off a plate of porridge which he prepares for +himself, while <i>ces messieurs</i> of Oxford breakfast like +princes.</p> + +<p>I saw a labourer near Dumfries, who, on his +wages of twelve shillings a week, was bringing up +a family of eight children, all of them robust and +radiant with health, thanks to porridge. The +eldest, a fine fellow of eighteen, had carried off a +scholarship at Aberdeen University. In England, +no professional career would have been open to +him.</p> + +<p>Few of the lower class English people will +condescend to eat porridge; they will have animal +food twice a day, if they can get it, and beer +or other stimulants. Twenty years of prosperity +and high wages have spoiled, ruined the working +class in England. Now wages have fallen, or +rather work has become scarce, and these people, +who never thought of saving anything in the days +of their splendour, are plenty of them lacking +bread. They are not cured for all that. If you +offered them porridge, they would feel insulted. +"It is workhouse food," they will tell you.</p> + +<p>When the Scotch maidservant receives her +wages, she goes and puts part in the Savings +Bank, like the French <i>bonne</i> of the provinces.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 138]</span> +When the English servant takes up hers, she +straightway goes and buys a new hat to get +photographed in it. Money burns her pockets.</p> + +<p>Money is round, say the English, it was meant +to roll; money is flat, say the Scotch and the +Normans, it was meant to be piled up.</p> + +<p>When he is in work, the workman of London, +Manchester, Liverpool, Birmingham, will spend +three or four shillings a day on his keep; when he +is out of work, he stands about the tavern-door +and whines for help.</p> + +<p>I visited one day, in Aberdeen, a restaurant +where a copious repast was being served for the +modest sum of two pence a head. The room was +full of healthy-looking workmen, tidily dressed +and busily doing honour to the porridge and other +items on the <i>menu</i>.</p> + +<p>The bill of fare for the week was posted up at +the door. Here is a copy of it:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p> +"<i>Monday</i>—Porridge, sausage and potato.<br /> +"<i>Tuesday</i>—Scotch broth, beef pie.<br /> +"<i>Wednesday</i>—Peasoup and ham.<br /> +"<i>Thursday</i>—Porridge, sausage and potato.<br /> +"<i>Friday</i>—Fish and potato.<br /> +"<i>Saturday</i>—Porridge, sausage and potato."<br /> +</p></div> + +<p>A trifle monotonous, perhaps, this bill of fare, I +own; but, at all events, you will admit that for +twopence the Aberdeen workman can have a good +square meal.</p> + +<p>What would the Parisians have given for this +fare during the siege!<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 139]</span></p> + +<p>On the walls, I observed the following notice:</p> + +<p>"The public are respectfully requested to pay +in advance, so as to avoid mistakes."</p> + +<p>"To avoid mistakes!" Thoroughly Scotch +this little caution!</p> + +<p>I had always seen porridge eaten before the +other food. So seeing a worthy fellow ask that +his porridge might be brought to him after his +sausage and potato, I made bold to ask him the +explanation of it.</p> + +<p>"Do you take your porridge after your meat?" +I enquired.</p> + +<p>"Ay, mon," he replied, "it's to chock up the +chinks."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Ask a Scotch rustic what he takes for breakfast, +and he will answer proudly:</p> + +<p>"Parritch, mon!"</p> + +<p>And for dinner?</p> + +<p>"Parrritch!!"</p> + +<p>And for supper?</p> + +<p>"<i>Parrrritch!!!</i>"</p> + +<p>If he took a fourth meal, he would roll in +another <i>r</i>; it is his way of expressing his sentiments.</p> + +<p>I like people who roll their <i>r</i>'s: there is backbone +in them.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Robert Burns, who has sung of the haggis and +the whisky of his native land, has only made<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 140]</span> +indirect mention of porridge. He ought to have +consecrated to it an ode in several cantos.</p> + +<p>Porridge! it is the secret of the Scot's success. +Try to compete with a man who can content +himself with porridge, when you must have your +three or four meals a day and animal food at two +of them.</p> + +<p>It is porridge that gives a healthy body, cool +head, and warm feet;</p> + +<p>Porridge promotes the circulation of the blood;</p> + +<p>It is porridge that calms the head after the +libations of overnight.</p> + +<p>It is porridge that keeps the poor man from +ending his days in the Union.</p> + +<p>It is porridge that helps the son of the humble +peasant to aspire to the highest career, in allowing +him to live on a scholarship at the University;</p> + +<p>It is porridge that makes such men of iron as +Livingstone and Gordon;</p> + +<p>And, above all, it is porridge that puts the +different classes in Scotland on a footing of +equality once a day at least, and thus makes of +them the most liberal-minded people of Great +Britain.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The national drink of Scotland is Scotch +whisky.</p> + +<p>The Scotch will tell you that Irish whisky is no +good; the Irish will tell you that Scotch whisky +is simply detestable. I have tasted both, and,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 141]</span> +having no national prejudice on the point, have +no hesitation in saying that there is nothing to +choose between them: both are horrible.</p> + +<p>Whisky may easily be obtained by dissolving a +little soot in brandy. As the coal-smoky taste is +much more pronounced in the Scotch whisky than +in the Irish, I conclude that, in the latter, the dose +is smaller.</p> + +<p>They say that of all alcoholic liquors whisky is +the least injurious. By "they" must be understood +all the good folks who cannot do without this +beverage. There must, however, be truth in it, or +Scotland and Ireland must have been depopulated +long since. And, as we know the Scotch generally +live to a good old age, and centenarians are +not rare in the Land o' Cakes, if whisky be a +poison, it must be a slow one—a very slow +one.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The prettiest anecdote, in Dean Ramsay's +<i>Reminiscences</i>, relates to whisky, and I cannot +refrain from quoting it.</p> + +<p>An old Scotch lady had just sent for her gardener +to cut the grass on her lawn.</p> + +<p>"Cut it short," she said to him; "mind, Donald, +an inch at the bottom is worth two at the top."</p> + +<p>Always the same way of speaking in moral +sentences so common in Scotland.</p> + +<p>The work done, the good lady offered Donald a +glass of whisky, and proceeded to pour it out,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 142]</span> +but showed sign of stopping before the top was +reached.</p> + +<p>"Fill it up, ma'am, fill it up," said the shrewd-witted +fellow, "an inch at the top is worth twa at +the bottom."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXV" id="CHAPTER_XXV"></a>CHAPTER XXV.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Hors-d'œuvre.—A Word to the Reader and another to the +Critic.—A Man who has a right to be proud.—Why?</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 56px;"> +<img src="images/caph.jpg" width="56" height="80" alt="H" title="H" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">ere I pause, dear Reader.</p> + +<p>An idea has just come to my head, and +for fear it might be lonely there, I will +impart it to you without delay.</p> + +<p>Now, to come at once to the sense of the +matter, will you allow me for once—for once +only—to pay myself a compliment that I think +I well deserve? It is the word "Ireland," +which I have just written in the preceding chapter, +that makes me think of addressing sincere congratulations +to myself. Forgive me for this little +digression, it will relieve me.</p> + +<p>I have written two books on England, a third on +the relations between England and France, and I +shall soon have finished a volume of recollections +of Scotland.</p> + +<p>How many times I have had to write the words +"England" and "Ireland," I could not say; but +I affirm that I have not once—no, not once<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 143]</span>—spoken +of "Perfidious Albion" or the "Emerald +Isle."</p> + +<p>"Indeed!" and "What of that?" you will +perhaps exclaim.</p> + +<p>Well, whatever you may say, I assure you that +if ever a man had a right to feel proud of himself, +I have.</p> + +<p>More than once have I been tempted, once or +twice I have had to make an erasure, but I am the +first who has triumphed over the difficulty.</p> + +<p>Come, dear Critic, if thou wilt be amiable, here +is an occasion. Admit that a Frenchman, who +can write fourteen or fifteen hundred pages on the +subject of England, without once calling her +"Perfidious Albion," is a man who is entitled to +thy respect and thy indulgence for the thousand +and one shortcomings of which he knows himself +to be guilty.</p> + +<p>There, I feel better now. Let us now go and see +Donald's big <i>touns</i>.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 144]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVI" id="CHAPTER_XXVI"></a>CHAPTER XXVI.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Glasgow.—Origin of the Name.—Rapid Growth of the +City.—St. Mungo's Injunction to Donald.—James +Watt and the Clyde.—George Square.—Exhibition of +Sculpture in the open Air.—Royal Exchange.—Wellington +again.—Wanted an Umbrella.—The +Cathedral.—How it was saved by a Gardener.—The +Streets.—Kelvingrove Park.—The University.—The +Streets at Night.—The Tartan Shawls a Godsend.—The +Populace.—Pity for the poor little Children.—Sunday +Lectures in Glasgow.—To the Station, and let +us be off.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">f, as Shelley has said, "Hell is a city much +like London," Glasgow must be very much +like the dungeon where Satan shuts up those +who do not behave themselves.</p> + +<p>The word "Glasgow" is of Celtic origin, and, +it appears, means <i>Sombre Valley</i>.</p> + +<p>The town has not given the lie to its name.</p> + +<p>I have travelled from the south of England to +the north of Scotland; I have seen every corner +of the great towns, and I do not hesitate to give +the palm to Glasgow: it is the dirtiest, blackest, +most repulsive-looking nest that it was ever given +to man to inhabit.</p> + +<p>I am bound to say that the Scotch themselves, +so justly proud of their old Scotland, dare not +take it upon themselves to defend Glasgow: they<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 145]</span> +give it over to the visitor, not, however, without +having added, as a kind of extenuating circumstance:</p> + +<p>"There is money in it."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>At the time of the Reformation, Glasgow was +but an insignificant little town with five thousand +inhabitants. At the commencement of this century +it contained about eight thousand. To-day it is +the most important city of Scotland, a city which +holds, including the suburbs, very nearly a million +souls, tortured by the passion for wealth or by +misery and hunger.</p> + +<p>If the importance of the place is recent, the +place itself dates back more than thirteen +centuries. It was indeed in 560 that Saint +Mungo founded a bishopric there, and no doubt, +to try the faith of Donald, whom he had just +converted to Christianity, he said to him, as he +put an umbrella into his hands with strict injunctions +never to part with it:</p> + +<p>"For thy sins, Donald, here shalt thou dwell."</p> + +<p>Glasgow is the home of iron and coal. Coal +underground, coal in the air, coal on people's +faces, coal everywhere!</p> + +<p>There rise thousands of high chimneys, vomiting +flames and great clouds of smoke, which settle +down on the town and, mixing with the humidity +of the streets, form a black, sticky mud that clogs +your footsteps. No one thinks of wearing elastic-<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 146]</span>side +boots. They would go home with naked feet +if they did. Glasgow people wear carmen's boots, +strongly fastened on with leather laces.</p> + +<p>I assure you that if you were to fall in the +street, you would leave your overcoat behind +when you got up.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The neighbourhood of the sea and the Clyde +has been, and still is, a source of prosperity and +opulence to the town; and here it behoves me to +speak of the Scotch energy, which has made of +this stream a river capable of giving anchorage to +vessels drawing twenty-four feet of water.</p> + +<p>In 1769, the illustrious James Watt was directed +to examine the river. At that time small craft +could scarcely enter the river even at high water. +Watt indeed found that, at low tide, the rivulet—for +it was nothing else—had but a depth of one +foot two inches, and at high tide never more than +three feet three inches.</p> + +<p>To-day you may see the largest ironclads afloat +there. This gigantic enterprise cost no less than +£10,300,000.</p> + +<p>It was on the Clyde that Henry Bell, in 1812, +launched the first steamboat. Since then the +banks of the Clyde have been lined with vast +shipbuilding yards, which turn out from four to +five hundred vessels a year.</p> + +<p>Glasgow always had a taste for smoke. Before +the war of American Independence, this town<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 147]</span> +had the monopoly of the tobacco commerce. +Colossal fortunes were realised over the importation +of the Virginian weed in the end of the +last century. At present Glasgow trades in coal, +machinery, iron goods, printed calico, etc.</p> + +<p>The Glasgow man has been influenced by his +surroundings. The climate is dull and damp, the +man is obstinate and laborious; the ground contains +coal and iron for the Clyde to carry to sea, +and so the man is a trader.</p> + +<p>And, indeed, what is there to be done in Glasgow +but work? Out-of-door life is interdicted, so to +speak; gaiety is out of the question; everything +predisposes to industry and thought. People +divide their time between work and prayer, the +kirk and the counting-house; such is life in +Glasgow.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>And now let us take a stroll, or rather let us +walk, for a stroll implies pleasure, and I certainly +cannot promise you that.</p> + +<p>The most striking feature of Glasgow is George +Square. It is large, and literally crowded with +statues, a regular carnival. It looks as if the +Glasgow folks had said: "We must have some +statues, but do not, for all that, let us encumber +the streets with them; let us keep them out of the +way in a place to themselves. If a visitor likes to +go and look at them, much good may it do him." +At a certain distance the effect is that of a<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 148]</span> +cemetery, or picture to yourself Madame Tussaud's +exhibition <i>à la belle étoile</i>.</p> + +<p>When I say <i>à la belle étoile</i>, it is but a figure of +speech in Glasgow.</p> + +<p>In this exhibition of sculpture, I discover Walter +Scott, Robert Burns, David Livingstone, James +Watt, Prince Albert, Queen Victoria, Thomas +Campbell, and Sir Robert Peel. Some are on +foot, some on horseback. There are none driving, +but there is Scott who, in the centre of this Kensal +Green, is perched on the summit of a column +eighty feet high. It is enough to make the tallest +chimney of the neighbourhood topple over with +envy. By dint of a little squeezing, it would be +easy to make room for a dozen more statues.</p> + +<p>In Queen's Street, quite close to George Square, +we find the Royal Exchange—an elegant building +in the Corinthian style—in front of which stands +an equestrian statue of gigantic dimensions.</p> + +<p>It is Wellington—the inevitable, the eternal, the +everlasting Wellington.</p> + +<p>Oh, what a bore that Wellington is!</p> + +<p>This statue was erected at the expense of the +town for a sum of £10,000.</p> + +<p>Wellington will never know what he has cost +his compatriots.</p> + +<p>Let us go up George Street, turn to the left by +High Street, towards the north-east, and we shall +come to the Cathedral, the only one which the +fanatic vandalism of the Puritans spared. I was +told in Scotland that this is how it escaped. The<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 149]</span> +Puritans had come to Glasgow in 1567 to destroy +the Cathedral of Saint Mungo. But a gardener, +a practical Scot of the neighbourhood, reasoned +with them in the following manner:</p> + +<p>"My friends, you are come with the meritorious +intention of destroying this temple of popery. +But why destroy the edifice? It will cost a mint +of money to build such another. Could not you +use this one and worship God in it after our own +manner?"</p> + +<p>The Puritans, who were Scots too, saw the +force of the argument and the cathedral was +saved.</p> + +<p>The edifice is gothic, and very handsome. I +recommend especially the crypt, under the choir. +The windows are most remarkable.</p> + +<p>Around the cathedral is a graveyard containing +fine monuments. I read on a tablet, put up in +commemoration of the execution of nine covenanters +(1666-1684) the following inscription, +which shows once more how they forgive in +Scotland. Here is the hint to the persecutors:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p> +"<i>They'll know at resurrection day<br /> +To murder saints was no sweet play.</i>"<br /> +</p></div> + +<p>Let us return down High Street as far as Argyle +Street, the great artery of Glasgow.</p> + +<p>After a few minutes' walking, we come to +Buchanan Street, the fashionable street of Glasgow—I +mean the one which contains the fashionable +shops, the Regent Street of this great<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 150]</span> +manufacturing city. The houses are well-built, +I do not say tastefully, but solidly. This might +be said indeed of the whole town: it is dirty, but +substantial. Let us push on to Sanchyhall Street, +and there turn to the west. We presently come +to the park of Kelvingrove, undulating, well laid +out, and surrounded with pretty houses: it is the +only part of Glasgow which does not give you +cold shivers. Among the well-kept paths, flowerbeds, +and ponds, you forget the coal-smoke for +awhile. At the end of the park runs the Kelvin, a +little stream which you cross to get to Gilmore +Hill, on the summit of which stand the buildings +of the university. The interior of these buildings +is magnificent.</p> + +<p>The Bute Hall is one of the finest halls I ever +saw: 108 feet long, 75 broad, and 70 high. A +splendid library and all the comfortable accessories, +which they are careful to supply studious +youth with in this country. The university cost +more than half-a-million. With the exception of +a few other parks—which, however, cannot be +compared to those of London—there is nothing +more to be seen in Glasgow, and if your business +is transacted, go to your hotel, strap your luggage, +and be off.</p> + +<p>But if you prefer it, we will arm ourselves with +umbrellas and return to the streets, and see what +kind of people are to be met there.</p> + +<p>That which strikes one at a first visit, is that +from five in the afternoon almost every respectable-<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 151]</span>looking +person has disappeared, and the town +seems given over to the populace. Like the City +proper in London, Glasgow is only occupied by +the superior classes during business hours. From +four to five o'clock there is a general stampede +towards the railway stations. The <i>employé</i>, who +earns two or three hundred a year, has his villa or +cottage in the suburbs. The rich merchant, the +engineer, the ironmaster, all these live far from the +city.</p> + +<p>The streets of Glasgow, from six or seven in the +evening, are entirely given up to the manufacturing +population—the dirtiest and roughest to be seen +anywhere, I should think.</p> + +<p>I have seen poverty and vice in Paris, in +London, in Dublin, and Brussels, but they are +nothing to compare to the spectacle that Glasgow +presents. It is the living illustration of some unwritten +page of Dante.</p> + +<p>"But there is money in Glasgow."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The lower-class women of London do wear a +semblance of a toilette: fur mantles in rags, +battered, greasy hats with faded flowers, flounced +skirts in tatters—an apology for a costume, in +short.</p> + +<p>But here, there is nothing of all that. No +finery, not even a hat. The tartan seems to take +the place of all.</p> + +<p>The attributions of this tartan are multiple. It<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 152]</span> +is as useful to the women of the lower classes in +the great Scotch towns as the reindeer is to the +Laplander.</p> + +<p>This tartan serves them as a hood when it is +cold; as an umbrella when it rains; as a blanket +in winter nights; as a mattress in summer ones; +as a basket when they go to market; a towel when +they do their own and their children's dry-polishing; +a cradle for their babies, which they carry +either slung over their back, Hottentot fashion, or +hanging in front, like the kangaroos. When +poverty presses hard, the tartan goes to the +pawnbroker's shop, whence it issues in the form +of a sixpence or a shilling, according to its value. +After living in them they live on them, and so +these useful servants pass from external to internal +use, and appease the hunger or thirst of their +owners for a day or two. A very godsend this +tartan, as you see.</p> + +<p>A Glasgow police inspector told me that, having +one day to make a search at a pawnbroker's in the +town, he had found more than fifteen hundred of +these shawls on the premises. "Many of those +poor borrowers are Irish," he said. Did he say +this to pass on to a neighbour that which seemed +to him a disgrace to his own country? In any +case, it is a fact that there are a great number of +Irish in Glasgow.</p> + +<p>No doubt poverty, with its accompaniments of +shame and vice, exists in all great cities; but here +it has a distressing aspect that it presents in no<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 153]</span> +other country. The Arab beggar makes one +smile as he majestically drapes around him his +picturesque, multicoloured rags; the lazzarone, +lying on the quay of Naples under the radiant +Italian sky, is a prince compared to the wretch +who drags out his existence in the dirty streets or +garrets of Glasgow.</p> + +<p>"But there is money in Glasgow."</p> + +<p>In Paris, the newspapers are sold in shops or +pretty kiosks kept by clean, tidy, respectable +women. In London and other large English +towns, the papers are cried in the streets by low-class +men and boys. In Glasgow and Edinburgh +the work is done by ragged children, who literally +besiege you as you walk the streets: poor little +girls half-naked, shivering, and starving, with +their feet in the mud, try to earn a few pence to +appease their own hunger, or, perhaps, furnish an +unnatural parent with the means of getting tipsy. +Others have a little stock of matches that they +look at with an envious eye, one fancies, as one +thinks of Andersen's touching tale.</p> + +<p>Oh, pity for the poor little children!</p> + +<p>In a country so Christian, so philanthropic, can +it be that childhood is abandoned thus? Asylums +for the aged are to be seen in plenty, and is not +youth still more interesting than age, and must it +needs commit some crime before it has the right to +enter some house of refuge?</p> + +<p>I cannot tell you how sad the sight of those poor +little beings, forsaken of God and man, made me feel.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 154]</span></p> + +<p>But how shall I describe my feelings when, +having drawn the attention of a Scotchman who +was with me to one of these pitiful little creatures, +I heard him say:</p> + +<p>"Do not stop, the immorality of those children +is awful."</p> + +<p>No, it is not possible; it must be a bad dream, +a hideous nightmare.</p> + +<p>"It is a fact," said my companion, who knows +Glasgow as he knows himself.</p> + +<p>"But there is money in it."</p> + +<p>It seems incomprehensible that these children +should not be reclaimed, still more incomprehensible +that no one seeks to do it. The money +spent in statues of Wellington would more than +suffice, and the Iron Duke would be none the +worse off in Paradise.</p> + +<p>Yes, this is what may be seen in Glasgow, in +that city so pious, that to calm the feelings of +some of the inhabitants, the literary and scientific +lectures which used to be given to the people on +Sunday evenings in Saint Andrew's Hall have had +to be discontinued.</p> + +<p>Heaven be thanked, Glasgow is not Scotland, +and we can go and rejoice our eyes in Edinburgh, +Aberdeen, Braemar, and elsewhere, and admire +the lakes and the blue mountains.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 155]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVII" id="CHAPTER_XXVII"></a>CHAPTER XXVII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Edinburgh—Glasgow's Opinion thereof, and vice versâ.—High +Street.—The old Town.—John Knox's House.—The +old Parliament House.—Holyrood Palace.—Mary +Stuart.—Arthur's Seat.—The University.—The Castle.—Princes +Street.—Two Greek Buildings.—The Statues.—Walter +Scott.—The inevitable Wellington again.—Calton +Hill.—The Athens of the North and the +modern Parthenon.—Why did not the Scotch buy the +ancient Parthenon of the modern Greeks?—Lord Elgin.—The +Acropolis of Edinburgh.—Nelson for a Change.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 68px;"> +<img src="images/capa.jpg" width="68" height="80" alt="A" title="A" /> +</div><p class="dropcap"> railway journey of an hour and ten +minutes transports you from darkness +into light. You leave Glasgow in gloom, +wrapped in its eternal winding-sheet of fog and +mud, and you arrive at Edinburgh to find clean +streets, pure air, and a clear beautiful sky. Such +at least was my own experience, six times repeated. +The prospect delights the eyes and heart; your +lungs begin to do their work easily; you breathe +freely once more, and once more feel glad to be +alive.</p> + +<p>You alight at Waverley Station in the centre of +the city. You cannot do better than go straightway +and take up your quarters at the Royal Hotel, +Princes Street, opposite the gigantic Gothic monument +erected to Walter Scott. Ask for a room +looking on the street. Take possession of it with<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 156]</span>out +delay, and open your window: the sight that +will meet your gaze is truly enchanting. At your +feet, the most elegant street imaginable. No +houses opposite: only large gardens, beautifully +kept, sloping gracefully away to the bottom of a +valley, whence the ground rises almost perpendicularly, +bearing on its summit houses of a prodigious +height. It is the old town of Edinburgh, +where everything will bring back memories of +Mary Stuart and the novels of Scott. On the +right the famous castle perched on a sheer rock +nearly four hundred feet high; the whole bathed +in a blue-grey haze that forms a light veil to soften +its colouring and contour. It is impossible to +imagine a more romantic sight in the midst of a +large modern city.</p> + +<p>Whether your tastes be archæological or artistic, +you will be able to satisfy them in one of the two +towns of Edinburgh, the old city to the south, or +the modern town to the north.</p> + +<p>The Glasgow folks say there is not much money +made in Edinburgh, and speak of the place with a +certain contempt, which the Edinburgh people +return with interest.</p> + +<p>It is always amusing to hear the dwellers in +neighbouring towns run each other down: Manchester +and Liverpool, Brighton and Hastings. +The nearer the rival towns are to each other, the +livelier and more diverting is the jealousy. Go +and ask a Saint-Malo man what he thinks of +Saint-Servan, and <i>vice versâ</i>!<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 157]</span></p> + +<p>"Ah! you are going to Edinburgh," the Glasgow +people say to you; "it is full of snobs, who give +themselves airs and are as poor as Job. Ours is +a substantial place, sir. We've no time to waste +on nonsense here; we go in for commerce and +manufactures."</p> + +<p>"Ah! you have just come from Glasgow," say +the Edinburgh people. "What do you think of +the illiterate parvenus that are for ever rattling +their money bags? You will find no worship of +the golden calf here; we cultivate the beautiful, +and go in for science and literature, not manufactures; +our town is essentially one of learning."</p> + +<p>This is true. Edinburgh is one of the most +important intellectual centres of the world, and +its celebrated university, and learned societies, +have justly earned for it the appellation of "the +Athens of the North," a name which this unique +city deserves also on account of its natural +features, the style in which it is built, and the +numerous monuments it possesses.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Edinburgh has a population of 350,000 inhabitants, +including the sentry at Holyrood Palace.</p> + +<p>According to d'Anville, the city stands on the site +of the Roman station of Alata Castra. Towards +the year 626 the fortress became the residence of +Edwin, King of Northumbria, who gave it his +name.</p> + +<p>The old city was entirely destroyed by fire in<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 158]</span> +1537. That which now bears the name of <i>old town</i> +dates from the end of the sixteenth century and +the beginning of the seventeenth.</p> + +<p>The modern part of Edinburgh was begun at +the close of last century, and the handsomest +streets are of a quite recent date.</p> + +<p><i>A tout seigneur tout honneur.</i> Let us commence +our inspection by a visit to Holyrood Palace.</p> + +<p>I should like to transform this little volume into +a guide-book, and give you the history of all the +houses we are passing, as we go through the old +town, for almost every one has its history. There +on your left is the house of John Knox, with its +flight of steps, its overhanging stories, and, over +the door, the inscription, "Love God above all, +and your neighbour as yourself." Here is the +house where Cromwell decided on the execution +of Charles I.; there Hume and Smollett wrote +history.</p> + +<p>At the end of Canongate, the prolongation of +High Street, we come out on a large open square. +The palace of Holyrood is before us.</p> + +<p>Standing in a hollow, and surrounded by high +hills, the aspect of the palace is most sombre. +From the moment you cross the threshold, a +thousand sad thoughts assail you. You are in the +home of Mary Stuart. Everything speaks to you +of her. Her sweet, tragic face, her noble presence, +her thoughtful brow—you see all again in these +halls instinct with her souvenir. They haunt the +place as they still haunt the memory of the Scotch.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 159]</span> +In spite of her bigotry, in spite of all the crimes +historians have imputed to her, the Scotch cherish +her memory, think only of her misfortunes and +sufferings, and will not hear you speak of her with +anything but respect. One may easily imagine +the ascendency which this woman must have had +over those who came in contact with her.</p> + +<p>But let us go in, and first we must get our sixpences +ready; for in this country, where <i>l'hospitalité +se donne</i>, you must pay everywhere, and on entering +too, for fear you may not be pleased when +you come out: <i>to avoid misunderstandings</i>, as the +Scotch put it.</p> + +<p>On the first floor we enter the picture gallery. +It is here that the Scotch peers are elected. The +room contains portraits of the Scottish kings, +from Fergus I. to James VII. At the end of it +we find a door which leads to the apartments +occupied by the unfortunate princess. Small +windows throw a feeble light on the sombre tapestries; +though the day is fine, it is difficult to +distinguish the various objects of furniture. There +is an air of mystery about the place. Poor Mary! +After the gay French court, what a tomb must +this palace have seemed! Between two windows +is a little mirror that must often have reflected +back the image of that beautiful countenance, +stamped with sadness, the fair head that was one +day to roll at the feet of the executioner. Close +by, a portrait which must be a libel on so gracious +an original. At the two extremities of the bed<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 160]</span>room +two little closets—I had almost said, cells—formed +in the towers which overhang from the +outside. The one on the left is the dressing-room; +that on the right the supper-room. Near +the latter a door leads to the secret staircase. You +can reconstruct for yourself the scene of the +murder of the favourite Italian secretary, who +paid with his blood for the honour of having now +and then cheered the heart of the queen with his +songs. On the floor of the audience-room you are +shown the stains of the unhappy Rizzio's blood. +It was here, too, that Chastelard, grandson of +Bayard, declared his love to his royal mistress, +whom he had accompanied to Scotland on her departure +from the French court. Poor Chastelard! +he, too, payed with his life for the love which the +enchantress had inspired in him, not for this first +declaration, which was forgiven him, but for a +graver offence, committed at Rossend Castle, of +which I shall have occasion to speak presently.</p> + +<p>A visit to Holyrood always leaves a painful impression. +It is the temple of misfortune, and I +can understand Queen Victoria's preference for +the bright breezy Highlands.</p> + +<p>On our return through Canongate and High +Street, we shall come to the Castle. Without +going much out of our way, we can go and see the +Parliament House and the University; but first, +let us go to the summit of Arthur's Seat, a hill +eight hundred and twenty-two feet high, situated +behind the Palace of Holyrood. The ascent is<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 161]</span> +not difficult, and the magnificence of the panorama +that meets the eyes is beyond description.</p> + +<p>The House where the Scotch Parliament met +before the union of the Scotch and English Crowns, +is now transformed into Courts of Law. This +building is interesting not only on account of the +souvenirs it evokes, but also on account of the +hopes it keeps alive in the hearts of the Scotch. +Before many years have elapsed, the representatives +of Scotland will probably sit there to +manage the local affairs of the nation.</p> + +<p>Edinburgh University, which dates from the +year 1582, is the finest edifice of the kind in +Europe: two hundred and fifty-five feet long, by +three hundred and fifty-eight broad. A library of +one hundred and fifty thousand volumes (sixpence +entrance). Rare manuscripts. Magnificent lecture +rooms. Over three thousand students work +under most eminent professors.</p> + +<p>Facing the University is the Museum of Arts and +Science. For a list of the innumerable treasures +it contains, I must refer the reader to guides to +Scotland.</p> + +<p>The Royal Infirmary, with its numerous buildings, +in the midst of which rises a tower thirty-three +feet high, arrests our attention a few moments. +From here we can turn down High Street to +admire the Cathedral of Saint Giles, so full of +souvenirs of the Reformation, and then continue +our course up the great street of the old city, as +far as the famous Edinburgh Castle, a feudal<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 162]</span> +edifice standing on the summit of a perpendicular +rock, from whence you can survey the old and +new towns.</p> + +<p>The Crown Room contains the insignia of the +Scottish sovereigns. Close to it is the room where +Mary Stuart gave birth to the son who was to +unite the crowns of England and Scotland. In +this rapid glimpse of Edinburgh, it would be out +of place to enter into all the history of the Castle, +the sieges it has stood, and so on. Historical +castles all resemble each other a little; but that +which makes the interest of this one unique is its +marvellous position: the sixteenth century at your +right; the hills and the sea beyond; on your left, +the parks; in front, nearly four hundred feet +below you, the beautiful modern town, with its +elegant buildings, straight, wide streets, and its +statues; a little in the distance, Calton Hill, with +its Greek monuments; beyond again, Leith with +its harbour bristling with masts; you are chained +to the spot in admiration.</p> + +<p>Following the castle terrace, we will descend +towards the new town, and come out at the west +of Princes Street.</p> + +<p>We are walking towards the East. On our +left, we shall have the shops; on our right, the +public gardens, a mixture of <i>Boulevard des Italiens</i> +and <i>Champs Elysées</i>. Everything here is in perfect +taste. Look at the statues judiciously placed about +the public gardens, streets, and squares!</p> + +<p>O George Square!<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 163]</span></p> + +<p>Here is a shop-window full of photographs. Let +us stop and look in: they are not portraits of +actresses and fashionable beauties, but chiefly of +professors of the University, of which Edinburgh +is so proud. Remarkable among them is Professor +Blackie, his fine head recalling a likeness of +Lizst. It was this same Professor Blackie on +whom the people of Glasgow made such an attack +about two years ago, for having given, one Sunday +in Saint Andrew's Hall, a most charming and +poetical discourse on the Songs of Scotland.</p> + +<p>The sweep of the public gardens on the right is +agreeably broken by two specimens of the most +elegant Greek architecture: they are the buildings +of the Royal Institution and the National Gallery. +Nothing could be more graceful, more Attic, than +these twin structures. The first contains thousands +of national relics, from the pulpit of Knox to the +Ribbon of the Garter worn by Prince Charles +Stuart. The second is an admirable museum of +painting and sculpture.</p> + +<p>The most striking monument of Princes Street +is the one which was erected to Walter Scott in +1844. It has the form of a Gothic steeple, and is +not less than two hundred feet high. It resembles +somewhat the Albert Memorial in Hyde Park, but +with this difference, that, while designed with ten +times as much taste, it cost about a tenth of the +money. The novelist's heroes and heroines are +gracefully placed in the niches; the author himself +is seated in an attitude of contemplation in<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 164]</span> +the midst of his creations. Now for the comic +side of the thing. A staircase conducts to the +summit of the monument, to which you may +mount for the sum of twopence.</p> + +<p>On the East of Princes Street are two very +fine buildings—the Post Office and the Register +Office, or resting-place of the national archives. +This latter building has a magnificent flight of +steps, in front of which is an equestrian statue—you +guess whose, of course: the inevitable, the +eternal, the never-to-be-sufficiently-paraded.</p> + +<p>What a bore that creature is!</p> + +<p>I am quite willing to admit that Wellington did +exist, and that he rendered his country service; +but is that a reason for turning him into a bore? +He is a very nightmare!</p> + +<p>Napoleon, surely, was as great a general as +Wellington. We have placed him on the top of +the Vendome Column, but we had the good taste +not to stick him up in every provincial city.</p> + +<p>That is true, you will perhaps say; but Wellington +saved his country, whereas Napoleon ruined +his. That is not my opinion; but we will not +argue.</p> + +<p>Joan of Arc saved France. We have her statue +at Domrémy, where she was born; at Orleans, +where she handed over to her king his kingdom; +and at Rouen, where she suffered death.</p> + +<p>I should understand every Scotch town having +a statue of Burns, and another of Scott. These +two geniuses personify Scotland; they remind the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 165]</span> +Scotch that Scotland is a nation, with a literature +of her own; they keep up patriotism in every +heart. But what did Wellington do for Scotland? +If, in 1840, for instance, the Scotch had asked the +English to give them their national rights and +their parliament, Wellington is probably the +general who would have gone to reduce them to +order.</p> + +<p>But let us say no more about it. We will continue +our walk to the end of Princes Street. +Here we are at the foot of Calton Hill. By means +of flights of steps and paths we pass the Observatory, +and reach the top, to see the monument +erected to Nelson's memory (threepence entrance).</p> + +<p>Between this monument and the Observatory, +there stands a reproduction of the Parthenon. +This is what chiefly suggested the idea of calling +Edinburgh the Athens of the North. Calton Hill +does its best to play the part of the Acropolis. +But, unhappily, this Parthenon, built to commemorate +the victory of Waterloo, remains unfinished +for want of funds. It is true that this +lends it a ruined look, which does not give a bad +effect to the scene. But £20,000 to make a ruin +is dear. In that time the Greeks would have sold +the Scots the real Parthenon for half the money. +Half the money! What am I talking about? for +a timepiece. Go to the British Museum and see +what Lord Elgin got for a clock: the marbles and +frieze of the Parthenon, the bas-reliefs of Phidias, +columns from the temple of Diana at Ephesus, the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 166]</span> +epitaph of the Athenians who died at Potidœa, +the bas-reliefs of the temple of Ægina. Lord +Elgin was a business-like Scotchman. In 1816 +the English bought his collection of him for +£36,000. They would not sell it to-day for +£500,000.</p> + +<p>Going round the Acropolis we will descend near +the High School, the most important school in +Edinburgh, opposite which stands the monument +to Robert Burns (twopence entrance). It is rather +insignificant-looking, and reminds one of that +erected by the Athenians in memory of Lysicrates. +Cost, £2,600.</p> + +<p>I pass over many museums and institutions; +but I hope I have succeeded in showing that +Edinburgh is a place to be seen, and quite repays +one for the trouble of a long journey.</p> + +<p>And now let us see what kind of people one +meets in the streets of Edinburgh. After that, I +will ask your permission to take you across the +Firth of Forth, and show you a castle little known +in England, where I hope we shall be able to pass +a little time pleasantly.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 167]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVIII" id="CHAPTER_XXVIII"></a>CHAPTER XXVIII.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Where are the Scotch?—Something wanting in the Landscape.—The +Inhabitants.—The Highlanders and the +Servant Girls.—Evening in Princes Street.—Leith and +the Firth of Forth.—Rossend Castle at Burntisland.—Mary +Stuart once more.—I receive Scotch Hospitality +in the Bedroom where Chastelard was as enterprising +as unfortunate.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 80px;"> +<img src="images/capw.jpg" width="80" height="80" alt="W" title="W" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">ith the exception of the famous +tartan shawls, which we come across +again in Edinburgh on the backs of +the lower-class women, nothing in the costume +of the inhabitants could remind you that you +were not in Paris, London, Brussels, or any +other haunt of that badge of modern civilisation, +the chimney-pot. In Glasgow this does not shock +you more than it would in Manchester or Birmingham; +but, in the romantic city of Edinburgh, +even the whistle of the railway engine annoys +you; the cap and kilt are sadly felt wanting, and +you almost want to stop the passers-by and ask +them: "Where are your kilts?" You feel as if +you were cheated out of something.</p> + +<p>Alas! the national costume of the Scotch is +almost a thing of the past: it is no longer a dress—it +is a get-up.</p> + +<p>You may see it yet at fancy dress balls, in the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 168]</span> +army of Her Britannic Majesty, at the Paris +Opera-Comique, and in the comic papers.</p> + +<p>I believe the Royal Princes occasionally don it, +when they go to Scotland in the autumn to shoot; +but even in the remote Highlands the national +costume is dying out, and if you count upon seeing +Scotchmen, dressed Scotch fashion in Scotland, +you will be disappointed. As well look for lions +in the outskirts of Algiers, or a pretty woman in +the streets of Berne.</p> + +<p>A gentleman in kilts would make as great a +sensation in the streets of Edinburgh as he would +on the Boulevard des Italiens. Nay, more, if he +stood still, he might have pence offered him.</p> + +<p>The costume of <i>Dickson</i> in <i>La Dame Blanche</i> is +only seen on the backs of those splendid Highlanders +whom the maidservants in large towns +hire by the afternoon on Sundays to accompany +them to the parks.</p> + +<p>In London you will sometimes see Highlanders—from +Whitechapel—playing the bagpipes and +dancing reels, talents which bring an ample harvest +of pennies in populous neighbourhoods, but +which would fall rather flat in Edinburgh.</p> + +<p>I cannot imagine anything much more picturesque +than Princes Street at night, when the old +city in amphitheatre-shape, on the other side of +the valley, stands out from the sky which it seems +to touch with its old sombre majestic castle, and +its houses ten or twelve stories high, rising tier +above tier up the side of the hill, and shining with<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 169]</span> +a thousand lights. I can understand that the inhabitants +of Edinburgh enjoy to come out in the +evening and feast their eyes on the enchanting +sight, and this even in winter, when the street is a +very funnel for the east wind which blows across +straight from the Scandinavian icebergs.</p> + +<p>Edinburgh is the only town in Great Britain, +which I have visited, whose streets are not shunned +by respectable people at night.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>A fine road about two miles long leads to Leith, +which stands for Piræus to the Scotch Athens. +There, in the mud and smoke, dwells a population +of sixty thousand toil-stained folk, who contrast +strongly with their elegant neighbours of Edinburgh. +There is nothing here to attract the eye +of the traveller, unless it be the harbour with its +two piers—one 3,530, the other 3,123 feet long—where +the inhabitants can go and breathe the sea +air, away from the noise and smoke of the town.</p> + +<p>Along the coast to the west, two miles from +Leith, we come upon the interesting village of +Newhaven. Here we find a little world apart, +composed of fisherfolk, all related one to another, +it is said. They treat as Philistines all who did not +first see the light in their sanctuary, and the +result is that they are constantly intermarrying. +All the men work at fishing. The women go to +Edinburgh to sell what their husbands catch, and +bring back empty baskets and full pockets. These<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 170]</span> +worthy women would think they were robbing +their dear village if they bought the least thing in +Edinburgh. Needless to say, the little community +prospers. To see the costume of the women, who, +in no point imitate the ridiculous get-up of their +sisters in great towns; to see the activity and zeal +for their work, one would believe oneself in France.</p> + +<p>"All the skippers own their own boats, and the +pretty little houses they live in," said the Scotchman +who accompanied me.</p> + +<p>And how neat and clean they look, those little +white houses covered with climbing plants of all +sorts! The whole scene speaks loudly of the +work, thrift, and order of the people.</p> + +<p>By pushing on two miles further we come to +Granton. There we can take the boat which will +carry us over the Firth of Forth, and set us down +at Burntisland in Fifeshire; but instead of there +taking the train to the north of Scotland, we will +stop to see Rossend Castle.</p> + +<p>Standing on a promontory, which dominates the +Firth of Forth and the hills of Edinburgh, Rossend +Castle is one of the most romantic places in +Scotland.</p> + +<p>Its old square tower contains the bedroom +used by Mary Stuart when she travelled in Fifeshire, +and stopped at the castle. The present +owner, whose hospitality is proverbial in the +neighbourhood, has religiously preserved the room +intact. It is there just as it existed three hundred +years ago, with its two little turret-rooms, oak<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 171]</span> +wainscoting, and a thousand relics of its unhappy +visitor.</p> + +<p>The portrait of Mary Stuart at Rossend is the +most striking that I saw in Scotland. Placed +over the mantelpiece, it seems to fill the room +with its dreamy melancholy gaze. It seems to +follow you, and you cannot take your eyes off it. +I occupied this room for four nights, a prey to +the saddest thoughts. It was in the month of +January, and the wind, which was blowing hard +across the Firth, roared round the tower. With +my feet before the fire, which burned in the immense +fireplace, I let my fancy reconstruct the +scene in which poor Chastelard lost his head, first +figuratively, and then in reality.</p> + +<p>As I mentioned in the preceding chapter, my +young and handsome countryman Pierre de Boscosel +de Chastelard had conceived a mad passion +for the queen. He had dared to declare this love +in the Holyrood Palace. His offence was forgiven.</p> + +<p>Imagining, from the fact of his having been +pardoned, that he had succeeded in inspiring +affection in the heart of his royal mistress, the +poor moth must needs flutter again around the +flame, which was to be his destruction. The +romantic troubadour secretly followed the queen +from Edinburgh to Rossend Castle, and, on the +night of the 14th of February, 1562, hid himself in +her chamber, until she was almost undressed for +the night, when he left his hiding-place, and, +seizing the queen in his arms, so alarmed her, that<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 172]</span> +she screamed for protection. This woman who, +to avenge Rizzio's death, did not hesitate to have +a barrel of powder placed under her husband's +bed, felt herself insulted. Her cries attracted her +attendants, and Murray was ordered by the indignant +queen to stab the young madman dead +then and there. But Murray preferred to wreak +his wrath on Chastelard, whom he hated, by +having him hanged. The poor secretary, who +had been so favoured by his mistress that all the +courtiers were jealous of him, who had so often +beguiled her solitude by his poems and his music, +went cheerfully to the scaffold. Like Cornelius +de Witt, who, a century later, recited Horace's +<i>Justum et tenacem</i> while the executioner of The +Hague put him to the torture, Chastelard mounted +the scaffold calm and smiling, reciting Rousard's +<i>Ode to Love</i>.</p> + +<p>"I die not without reproach, like my ancestor +Bayard," said he; "but, like him, I die without +fear."</p> + +<p>And then, turning his eyes towards the castle +inhabited by Mary Stuart, he cried:</p> + +<p>"Adieu, thou cruel but beautiful one, who +killest me, but whom I cannot cease to love!"</p> + +<p>Rossend Castle is a veritable poem in stone. +Do not visit Edinburgh without pushing to Burntisland. +The <i>châtelain</i> is justly proud of his romantic +home, and does the honours of it with a kind +grace that charms the visitor.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 173]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIX" id="CHAPTER_XXIX"></a>CHAPTER XXIX.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Aberdeen, the Granite City.—No sign of the Statue of +"you know whom."—All Grey.—The Town and its +Suburbs.—Character of the Aberdonian.—Why London +could not give an Ovation to a Provost of Aberdeen.—Blue +Hill.—Aberdeen Society.—A thoughtful Caretaker.—To +this Aberdonian's Disappointment, I do not +appear in Tights before the Aberdeen Public.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 42px;"> +<img src="images/capi.jpg" width="42" height="80" alt="I" title="I" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">t does not enter into the plan of this book to +give a detailed description of the principal +towns and sites in Scotland. That can be +found in any guide-book.</p> + +<p>The aim of this little volume is to give an idea +of the character and customs of the Scotch, from +<i>Souvenirs</i> of several visits made by the author to +the land of Burns and Scott.</p> + +<p>But a few words must be said on the subject of +the City of Granite.</p> + +<p>Aberdeen is a large, clean-looking town, with +more than a hundred thousand inhabitants; wide, +regular streets, fine edifices, and many statues, +among which we are happy, for a change, not to +find that of <i>you know whom</i>.</p> + +<p>If Glasgow and Dundee are the principal +centres of commercial activity in Scotland, Edinburgh +and Aberdeen are the two great centres of +learning.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 174]</span></p> + +<p>Union Street, the principal thoroughfare, is +about half-a-mile long, and is built entirely of +light grey granite, which gives it a rather +monotonous aspect. Public buildings, churches, +private houses, pavements, all are grey; the +inhabitants are mostly dressed in grey, and look +where you will, you seem to see nothing but +grey.</p> + +<p>Just as it is in London, Edinburgh, and Glasgow, +the fashionable quarter is the west, and the +poor live in the east.</p> + +<p>Is this due to chance?</p> + +<p>The most conspicuous edifice of the town is the +Municipal Building, forming a town hall and a +court of justice. The most interesting is Marischal +College, the home of the Faculty and School of +Medicine, which now form part of the University +of Aberdeen, after having had a separate existence +for two hundred and sixty-six years. The college +is a very fine building, but is unfortunately hemmed +in by a number of other buildings which hide its +<i>façade</i>.</p> + +<p>A mile from the town stands the college of the +university (King's College), built in 1495 on the +model of the Paris university. Most of the Scotch +buildings, which date from the fifteenth and sixteenth +centuries, have a very pronounced French +character.</p> + +<p>I would advise tourists, who go as far north as +Aberdeen, not to miss making the ascension of the +Blue Hill, which is about four miles from the town.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 175]</span> +From the summit of this hill, they will see a +delightful panorama of Aberdeen, a stretch of +fifty or sixty miles of coast, the ruins of the +celebrated castle of Dunnottar, and all the valley +of the Dee framed in hills. It is a grand +sight; unfortunately, to thoroughly bring out its +beauties, a clear sky is essential, and there comes +the rub.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The county of Aberdeen is not only one of +the great intellectual centres of Scotland, it +is the home of Caledonian shrewdness and +pawkiness. Aberdeenshire alone furnished more +than half the anecdotes collected by Dean +Ramsay.</p> + +<p>The Aberdonians are the chosen people, the +elect of God.</p> + +<p>Every Scot is proud of his nationality, but an +Aberdonian will tell you: "Not only am I a +Scotchman, but I was born in Aberdeen."</p> + +<p>And true enough, "tak' awa' Aberdeen, and +twal' miles round, and faar are ye?"</p> + +<p>It is related that a provost of Aberdeen, having +come to London with his wife, someone recommended +the lady to be sure and go to Covent +Garden to see the opera.</p> + +<p>"No," she replied, "we have come to London +to be quiet and not to receive ovations. We shall +not show ourselves in public during our stay in the +capital."<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 176]</span></p> + +<p>Her resolution was adhered to, and London +saw them not.</p> + +<p>For the future life, the Aberdonian has no fears, +and if he will only recommend you to Saint Peter, +you will not have to wait long at the gates of +Paradise.</p> + +<p>Society in Aberdeen is of the choicest. Its +aristocracy is an aristocracy of talent. In Aberdeen, +as in Edinburgh, the local lions are the +professors of the university, literary people, +doctors, barristers, and artists. To cut a figure +there, you need not jingle your guineas, but only +show your brains and good manners. In Glasgow, +show your <i>savoir-faire</i>; but, in Edinburgh and +Aberdeen, your <i>savoir-vivre</i>.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I cannot quit the subject of Aberdeen without +relating a little incident which exceedingly diverted +me.</p> + +<p>A few hours before delivering a lecture at the +Albert Hall, I paid a visit to the place to see if +my reading-desk had been properly arranged. +Great was my surprise, on entering the hall, to +see near the platform an elegant improvised green-room, +curtained off. I asked the caretaker if there +was not a retiring-room, in which I could await +the moment for beginning my lecture, to which he +replied:</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir; we have an anteroom over there, but +I have set apart this little green-room, because I<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 177]</span> +thought it would be more comfortable for you to +go and change your dresses in during the performance."</p> + +<p>The worthy fellow evidently imagined that I +was going to appear in tights before the lairds of +Aberdeen.</p> + +<p>The learned professor, who had kindly come to +introduce me to my audience, laughed heartily +with me over the joke.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXX" id="CHAPTER_XXX"></a>CHAPTER XXX.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>The Thistle.—"Nemo me impune lacessit."—"Honi soit +qui Mollet pince."—Political Aspirations of the Scotch.—Signification +of Liberalism in Scotland.—Self-Government +in the near Future.—Coercive Pills.—The Disunited +Kingdom.—The United Empire.</i></p></div> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 70px;"> +<img src="images/capt.jpg" width="70" height="80" alt="T" title="T" /> +</div><p class="dropcap">he emblem of Scotland is the thistle, the +device <i>Nemo me impune lacessit</i>.</p> + +<p>The great Order of Scotland is that of +the Thistle, or Saint Andrew, the patron saint of +the country, and was instituted by James V. in +1534—that is to say, about two hundred years +after Edward III. of England had founded the +Order of the Garter.</p> + +<p><i>A propos</i> of this Garter, what fables and anecdotes +have been written! Historians even are not agreed<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 178]</span> +as to the origin of the famous device: <i>Honi soit qui +mal y pense</i>.</p> + +<p>The explanation which seems to be the most +plausible is this:</p> + +<p>The Countess of Salisbury, King Edward +III.'s mistress, dropped her garter at a ball. +The king picked it up; but, as the worthy descendant +of a bashful race, he did not attempt +to replace it, but turning towards his courtiers, +said:</p> + +<p>"My lords, <i>honi soit qui mollet pince</i>."</p> + +<p>Then he advanced towards the countess and +gave her her garter.</p> + +<p>The king's expression became corrupted into:</p> + +<p><i>Honi soit qui mal y pense.</i></p> + +<p>This is the correct version, you may depend +on it.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The Scots are a nation of hardy, valiant men, +whom the English never would have succeeded in +conquering by force of arms.</p> + +<p>The Scotch will tell you that it was not England +that annexed them, it was they who annexed +England. Let us not grudge them this consolation, +if it gives them any pleasure.</p> + +<p>It is a fact that, on the death of Elizabeth, +James VI. of Scotland—Mary Stuart's son—was +called to fill the English throne, and thus united +the crowns of England and Scotland.</p> + +<p>But these conquering Scots begin to perceive<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 179]</span> +that they are treated rather like conquered Scots +at the Palace of Westminster, and they do not +like it.</p> + +<p>"They are very quiet under it," you may say; +"one does not hear them complaining like the +Irish."</p> + +<p>That is true: Donald is patient, and knows how +to bide his time.</p> + +<p>The Irish question overwhelms every other +political one just now in England. We all know +that the Irish demand Home Rule, and as we do +not hear the Scotch and the Welsh talked of, +we conclude that these two peoples are comfortably +enjoying life under the best of possible +governments.</p> + +<p>Scotland and Wales content themselves for the +present with sending Liberal members to the +British Parliament. But with them the word +"Liberal" has not the political sense which +it possesses in England, it has a rather revolutionary +meaning. I do not mean by this that it +implies an idea of rebellion.</p> + +<p>No. But in their vocabulary it is almost +synonymous with <i>autonomist</i>.</p> + +<p>The English Liberals are men who are convinced +that things are not perfect, and who admit +the possibility of reforms.</p> + +<p>In the eyes of the Scotch, Liberalism consists +in preparing to ask one day for a great +reform: Home Rule. Before ten years have +passed, we shall see Scotland and Wales elect<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 180]</span>ing +Home Rule candidates, as Ireland is doing +now.</p> + +<p>The Scotch will consent to remain British on +condition that the English allow them to become +Scotch—that is to say, to manage for themselves +matters which have no connection with the +Empire, and concern the Scotch people alone; +such as religion, education, and the administration +of justice. They are too shrewd to desire to +become once more Scots pure and simple, and so +renounce their part and profit in the gigantic +concern called the British Empire. They will +continue to send members to Westminster to take +part in the work of governing the Empire, but +they will have a parliament or a council at Edinburgh, +whose business it will be to look after +matters purely Scotch.</p> + +<p>They would be willing to walk hand-in-hand +with England, but not by means of handcuffs.</p> + +<p>The English are fond of talking of Scotland as +if it were a county of England. The Scotch +mean that Scotland shall be Scotland.</p> + +<p>"Let the English look after England," they say, +"and we will look after Scotland. As soon as a +question relating to the British Empire arises, +we will be as British as they. We do not want to +destroy the unity of the Empire, or to break off +our relations with the Parliament; but we simply +wish to do as we like at home."</p> + +<p>There is nothing extraordinary in such a +demand.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 181]</span></p> + +<p>When the Scotch, or the Irish, win a battle, it +is immediately announced in the papers that "the +English have gained a victory." But let an Irishman +or a Scotchman commit a crime, and John +Bull quickly cries out:</p> + +<p>"It is an Irishman," or "It is a Scotchman."</p> + +<p>"Let it be each one to himself, and each for +himself," says Donald, "so long as it is a question +of England or Scotland. But when it is a +question of the great Motherland, then we will +all be Britons."</p> + +<p>The English have this good point: they know +that it is good policy not to try and prevent the +inevitable, but rather to put a good face upon it. +They know that that which is given ungraciously +is received ungratefully.</p> + +<p>They are now administering the eighty-seventh +coercive pill to the Irish. That will be the last.</p> + +<p>In two or three years time, Ireland will belong +to the Irish, as, later on, Scotland will belong to +the Scotch.</p> + +<p>The United Kingdom will only be the more +powerful for it. Having no more internal +squabbles to fear, it will present a formidable +quadruple breast to the outer world.</p> + +<p>London will be the political centre of an +immense imperial federation. England, Scotland, +Ireland, Wales, India, the Cape, Canada, Australia, +all will be represented in a Parliament +really Britannic. Their capitals will be the +respective leaders of this grand team.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 182]</span></p> + +<p>The British Empire will be built upon hearts +in all parts of the globe.</p> + +<p>If there is no longer any United Kingdom, +neither will there be a Disunited Kingdom, and +instead there will be something much more imposing, +much more powerful, there will be</p> + +<p class="center"><big><span class="smcap">The United Empire.</span></big></p> + + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<div class="footnotes"> +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_1" id="Footnote_A_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_1"><span class="label">[A]</span></a> I mean "the people." As for the higher classes, their +manners and dress are perfectly English; they only differ in +their political and religious opinions.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_2" id="Footnote_A_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_2"><span class="label">[B]</span></a> I trust to the intelligence of the reader to distinguish +here between the well-bred Scot and his humbler brethren.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_3" id="Footnote_A_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_3"><span class="label">[C]</span></a> It was thus that the defunct was referred to until after +the funeral was over.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_4" id="Footnote_A_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_4"><span class="label">[D]</span></a> Dean Ramsay relates that in Inverness, forty years ago, +the coffin of a certain laird only reached the cemetery at the +end of a fortnight.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_5" id="Footnote_A_5"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_5"><span class="label">[E]</span></a> The finest edition of the Songs of Scotland is that +recently published by Messrs. Muir Wood, of Glasgow.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_6" id="Footnote_A_6"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_6"><span class="label">[F]</span></a> The Scotch dialect has sometimes been called the Doric +of Great Britain.</p></div> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> +<h3>ARROWSMITH'S BRISTOL LIBRARY.</h3> + +<p class="center"><small>"Novel readers ought to bless Mr. Arrowsmith for providing them with +volumes of moderate size and price."—<i>Sunday Gems.</i></small></p> + + +<p class="center"><i>Fcap. 8vo, stiff covers, 1/-; cloth, 1/6 (postage 2d.) each.</i></p> + + +<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> + <th><small>TITLE.</small></th> + <th><small>AUTHOR.</small></th> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>CALLED BACK.</b></td> + <td>HUGH CONWAY.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>BROWN-EYES.</b></td> + <td>MAY CROMMELIN.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>DARK DAYS.</b></td> + <td>HUGH CONWAY.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>FORT MINSTER, M.P.</b></td> + <td>Sir E. J. REED, K.C.B., M.P.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>THE RED CARDINAL.</b></td> + <td>Mrs. FRANCES ELLIOT.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>THE TINTED VENUS.</b></td> + <td>F. ANSTEY.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>JONATHAN'S HOME.</b></td> + <td>ALAN DALE.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>SLINGS AND ARROWS.</b></td> + <td>HUGH CONWAY.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>OUT OF THE MISTS.</b></td> + <td>DANIEL DORMER.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>KATE PERCIVAL.</b></td> + <td>Mrs. J. COMYNS CARR.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>KALEE'S SHRINE.</b></td> + <td>GRANT ALLEN.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>CARRISTON'S GIFT.</b></td> + <td>HUGH CONWAY.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>THE MARK OF CAIN.</b></td> + <td>ANDREW LANG.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>PLUCK.</b></td> + <td>J. STRANGE WINTER.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>DEAR LIFE.</b></td> + <td>Mrs. J. E. PANTON.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>GLADYS' PERIL.</b></td> + <td>JOHN COLEMAN and JOHN C. CHUTE.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>WHOSE HAND?</b> or, The Mystery of No Man's Heath.</td> + <td>W. G. WILLS and The Hon. Mrs. GREENE.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>THAT WINTER NIGHT.</b></td> + <td>ROBERT BUCHANAN.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>THE GUILTY RIVER.</b></td> + <td>WILKIE COLLINS.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>FATAL SHADOWS.</b></td> + <td>Mrs. L. L. LEWIS.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>THE LOVELY WANG.</b></td> + <td>Hon. L. WINGFIELD.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td><b>PATTY'S PARTNER.</b></td> + <td>JEAN MIDDLEMASS.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>"<b>V.R.</b>" A Comedy of Errors.</td> + <td>EDWARD ROSE.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>The <b>PARK LANE MYSTERY.</b> A Story of Love and Magic.</td> + <td>JOSEPH HATTON.</td> +</tr> +</table> + + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> +<h5><i>Bristol</i>: J. W. ARROWSMITH, 11 <span class="smcap">Quay Street</span>.<br /> +<i>London</i>: SIMPKIN, MARSHALL, & Co., 4 <span class="smcap">Stationers' Hall Court</span><br /> +And Railway Bookstalls.</h5> + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> +<h3>Arrowsmith's Christmas Annual.</h3> + +<p class="center"><b>KATHARINE REGINA.</b><br /> +By WALTER BESANT.<br /> + [<i>October 29th.</i></p> + +<hr style='width: 65%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>Crown Quarto.</i> <i>Price Five Shillings.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><b>KING DIDDLE.</b><br /> +BY<br /> +H. C. DAVIDSON.<br /> + +With Thirteen exquisite Illustrations by <span class="smcap">E. A. Lemann.</span></p> + +<hr style='width: 65%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>Fcap. Quarto</i> <i>Price 2s. 6d.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><b>BUZ</b>;<br /> +or, The Life and Adventures of a Honey Bee.<br /> +By MAURICE NOEL.<br /> +Illustrated by <span class="smcap">Linley Sambourne</span>.</p> + +<p class="center">"One of the best children's books this season."—<i>Saturday Review.</i></p> + +<hr style='width: 65%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>Fcap. Quarto.</i> <i>Price 3s. 6d.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><b>UNDER THE WATER.</b><br /> +By MAURICE NOEL, Author of "Buz," &c. Illustrated by +<span class="smcap">E. A. Lemann.</span></p> + +<p class="center">"Inevitably recalls Kingsley's 'Water Babies.'"—<i>Saturday Review.</i></p> + +<p class="center">"Since Kingsley's 'Water Babies' there has not, to our thinking, +appeared a book which combines amusement with wit to such an extent +as 'Under the Water.'"—<i>Colborn's Magazine.</i></p> + +<hr style='width: 65%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>In one vol.</i> <i>Price 5s., cloth (post free 5s. 6d.)</i></p> + +<p class="center"><b>DEAD MEN'S DOLLARS.</b><br /> +By MAY CROMMELIN.<br /> +Author of "Brown-Eyes," "Queenie," "Orange Lily," &c., &c.</p> + +<p class="center">"The story is an extremely interesting one."—<i>Publishers' Circular.</i></p> + +<hr style='width: 65%;' /> + +<p class="center"><i>Crown 8vo.</i> <i>Price 5s.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><b>TWYCROSS'S REDEMPTION.</b><br /> + +A Story of Wild Adventure.<br /> + +By ALFRED ST. JOHNSTON.<br /> + +Author of "Camping among Cannibals," "Charlie Asgarde," "In Quest +of Gold," &c., &c.<br /> + +Eight Illustrations by <span class="smcap">Gordon Browne</span>.</p> + + + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> +<h5><i>Bristol:</i> J. W. ARROWSMITH, 11 <span class="smcap">Quay Street</span>.<br /> +<i>London:</i> SIMPKIN, MARSHALL, & Co., 4 <span class="smcap">Stationers' Hall Court</span>.<br /> +And all Booksellers.</h5> + + +<hr style='width: 100%;' /> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<img src="images/i_194.jpg" width="640" height="374" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + + + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> +<h2>TEETH LIKE PEARLS,</h2> +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> +<h2>LUXURIANT HAIR.</h2> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 245px;"> +<img src="images/i_195.jpg" width="245" height="240" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + +<h3>ROWLANDS' ODONTO</h3> + +<p class="center">Is the best, purest, and most fragrant Tooth Powder; it prevents and arrests +decay, strengthens the gums, gives a pleasing fragrance to the breath, and +renders the</p> + +<h4>TEETH WHITE AND SOUND.</h4> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<h3>ROWLANDS' MACASSAR OIL</h3> + +<p class="center">Is the best and safest preserver and beautifier of the hair, and has a most +delicate and fragrant bouquet. It contains no lead or mineral ingredients, and +can also be had in</p> + +<h4>A GOLDEN COLOUR</h4> + +<p class="center">for fair and golden haired children, and people whose hair has become grey.<br /> +Sizes: 3/6, 7/-, 10/6, equal to 4 small.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<h3><small>ASK FOR</small><br /><br /> + +ROWLANDS' ARTICLES,</h3> + +<p class="center">of 20 Hatton Garden, London, and avoid cheap spurious imitations under the +same or similar names.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> + +<h3>A MOST USEFUL AND VALUABLE FAMILY MEDICINE.</h3> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<img src="images/i_196a.jpg" width="640" height="165" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="center">Are one of those rare Medicines which, for their extraordinary properties, +have gained an almost<br /> +<b>UNIVERSAL REPUTATION.</b></p> + +<p>During a period of <span class="smcap">Fifty Years</span> they have been used most extensively +as a Family Medicine, thousands having found them a simple and safe +remedy, and one needful to be kept always at hand.</p> + +<p><i>These Pills are purely Vegetable, being entirely free from Mercury or any +other Mineral, and those who may not hitherto have proved their efficacy +will do well to give them a trial.</i></p> + +<p><i>Numbers are constantly bearing testimony to their great value, as may be +seen from the Testimonials published from time to time. By the timely use +of such a remedy, many of the afflicting disorders which result from proper +means being neglected, might be avoided, and much suffering saved, for</i></p> + +<p class="center"><b>"PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE."</b></p> + +<h4><small>RECOMMENDED FOR DISORDERS OF THE</small><br /> +<big>HEAD, CHEST, BOWELS, LIVER & KIDNEYS;</big><br /> +Also in <span class="smcap">Rheumatism</span>, <span class="smcap">Ulcers</span>, <span class="smcap">Sores</span>, and all +<span class="smcap">Skin Diseases</span>, being<br /> +A DIRECT PURIFIER OF THE BLOOD<br /> +<small>and other fluids of the human body.</small></h4> + +<p><i>Many persons have found these Pills of great service both in preventing +and relieving</i> <span class="smcap">Sea-Sickness</span>; <i>and in Warm Climates they are +very beneficial in all Bilious Complaints</i>.</p> + + +<p class="center"><b>WHELPTON'S VEGETABLE STOMACH PILLS</b><br /> +Are particularly suited to Weakly Persons, being exceedingly +mild and gradual in their operation, imparting tone +and vigour to the Digestive Organs.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<img src="images/i_196b.jpg" width="640" height="178" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="center">Sold in boxes, price 7½d., 1s. 1½d., and 2s. 9d., by <span class="smcap">G. Whelpton & Son</span>, +8 Crane Court, Fleet Street, London, at all Chemists and Medicine +Vendors at home and abroad. Sent free by post in the United Kingdom +for 8, 14 or 33 stamps.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> +<h4>GOLD MEDALS, EDINBURGH AND LIVERPOOL EXHIBITIONS.<br /> +33 PRIZE MEDALS AWARDED TO THE FIRM.</h4> + +<h2><big>FRY'S</big><br /> +<small>PURE CONCENTRATED</small><br /> +<big>COCOA</big></h2> + +<p class="center"><b>Prepared by a new and special scientific process, securing extreme +solubility, and developing the finest flavour of the Cocoa.</b></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<img src="images/i_197.jpg" width="640" height="380" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">SOLUBLE—EASILY DIGESTED—ECONOMICAL.</span> +</div> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><b>W. H. R. STANLEY, M.D.</b>—"I consider it a very rich, +delicious Cocoa. It is highly Concentrated, and therefore economical +as a family food. It is the drink <i>par excellence</i> for children, and +gives no trouble in making."</p></div> + +<p class="center"><span class="u">Ask your Grocer for a Sample and copy +of Testimonials.</span></p> + + +<h3>J. S. FRY & SONS, Bristol, London, & Sydney, N.S.W.<br /> +<small><span class="smcap">MAKERS TO THE QUEEN and PRINCE OF WALES.</span></small></h3> + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Friend Mac Donald, by Max O'Rell + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRIEND MAC DONALD *** + +***** This file should be named 33883-h.htm or 33883-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/3/8/8/33883/ + +Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Friend Mac Donald + +Author: Max O'Rell + +Release Date: October 25, 2010 [EBook #33883] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRIEND MAC DONALD *** + + + + +Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + + + + + + + TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE: Punctuation has been normalized. + + + + + _All rights reserved_ + + Friend Mac Donald + + BY + + MAX O'RELL + + AUTHOR OF + "JOHN BULL AND HIS ISLAND," ETC + + + Arrowsmith's Bristol Library + VOL. XXV + + + BRISTOL + J. W. ARROWSMITH, 11 QUAY STREET + + LONDON + SIMPKIN, MARSHALL & CO., 4 STATIONERS' HALL COURT + + 1887 + + + + +CONTENTS. + + +CHAP. I. -- A Word to Donald. -- The Scotch Anecdote and its Character. +-- The Scotch painted by Themselves. + +CHAP. II. -- Donald, a British Subject, but no Englishman. -- Opinion of +the greatest English Wit on the Scotch, and the worth of that Opinion. +-- The Wit of Donald and the Wit of the Cockney. -- Intelligence and +Intellectuality. -- Donald's Exterior. -- Donald's Interior. -- Help +yourself and Heaven will help you. -- An Irish and a Scotch Servant +facing a Difficulty. -- How a small Scotchman may make himself useful in +the Hour of Danger. -- Characteristics. -- Donald on Train Journeys. +--One Way of avoiding Tolls. + +CHAP. III. -- All Scots know how to Reckon. -- Rabelais in Scotland. +--How Donald made Twopence-halfpenny by going to the Lock-up. +--Difference between Buying and Stealing. -- Scotch Honesty. -- Last +Words of a Father to his Son. -- Abraham in Scotland. -- How Donald +outdid Jonathan. -- Circumspection, Insinuations, and Negations. +--Delicious Declarations of Love. -- Laconism. -- Conversation reduced +to its simplest Expression. -- A, e, i, o, u. -- A Visit to Thomas +Carlyle. --The Silent Academy of Hamadan. -- With the Author's +Compliments. + +CHAP. IV. -- The traditional Hospitality of the Highlands. -- One more +fond Belief gone. -- Highland Bills. -- Donald's two Trinities. -- Never +trust Donald on Saturdays and Mondays. -- The Game he prefers. -- A +Well-informed Man. -- Ask no Questions and you will be told no Tales. +--How Donald showed prodigious Things to a Cockney in the Highlands. +--There is no Man so dumb as he who will not be heard. + +CHAP. V. -- Resemblance of Donald to the Norman. -- Donald marketing. +--Bearding a Barber. -- Norman Replies. -- Cant. -- Why the Whisky was +not marked on the Hotel Bill. -- New Use for the Old and New Testaments. +-- You should love your Enemies and not swallow them. -- A modest Wish. + +CHAP. VI. -- Democratic Spirit in Scotland. -- One Scot as good as +another. -- Amiable Beggars. -- Familiarity of Servants. -- Shout all +together! -- A Scotchman who does not admire his Wife. -- Donald's +Pride. -- The Queen and her Scotch People. -- Little Presents keep alive +Friendship. + +CHAP. VII. -- Scottish Perseverance. -- Thomas Carlyle, David +Livingstone, and General Gordon. -- Literary Exploits of a Scotchman. +-- Scottish Students. -- All the Students study. -- A useful Library. -- +A Family of three. -- Coming, Sir, coming! -- Killed in Action. +-- Scotchmen at Oxford. -- Balliol College. + +CHAP. VIII. -- Good old Times. -- A Trick. -- Untying Cravats. -- Bible +and Whisky. -- Evenings in Scotland. -- The Dining-room. -- Scots of the +old School. -- Departure of the Whisky and Arrival of the Bible. -- The +Nightcap in Scotland. -- Five Hours' Rest. -- The Gong and its Effects. +-- Fresh as Larks. -- Iron Stomachs. + +CHAP. IX. -- Religion and Churches in Scotland. -- Why Scotch Bishops +cut a poor Figure. -- Companies for Insuring against the Accidents of +the Life to come. -- Religious Lecture-Rooms. -- No one can Serve two +Masters. -- How the Gospel Camel was able to pass through the Eye of a +Needle. -- Incense and Common Sense. -- I understand, therefore I +believe. -- Conversions at Home. -- Conversions in Open Air. -- A modest +Preacher. -- A well-filled Week. -- Touching Piety. -- Donald recommends +John Bull and Paddy to the Lord. + +CHAP. X. -- Donald's Relations with the Divinity. -- Prayers and +Sermons. -- Signification of the word "Receptivity." -- Requests and +Thanksgivings. -- "Repose in Peace." -- "Thou excelledst them all." +-- Explanation of Miracles. -- Pulpit Advertisements. -- Pictures of the +Last Judgment. -- One of the Elect belated. -- An Urchin Preacher. -- A +Considerate Beggar. + +CHAP. XI. -- The Scotch Sabbath. -- The Saviour in the Cornfield. -- A +good Advertisement. -- Difference between the Inside and the Outside of +an Omnibus. -- How useful it is to be able to speak Scotch in Scotland. +-- Sermon and Lesson on Balistics at Edinburgh. -- If you do Evil on the +Sabbath, do it well. + +CHAP. XII. -- Scotch Bonhomie. -- Humour and Quick-Wittedness. -- +Reminiscences of a Lecturer. -- How the Author was once taken for an +Englishman. + +CHAP. XIII. -- Drollery of Scotch Phraseology. -- A Scotchman who Lost +his Head. -- Two Severe Wounds. -- Premature Death. -- A Neat +Comparison. -- Cold Comfort. + +CHAP. XIV. -- Family Life. -- "Can I assist you?" -- "No. I will assist +myself, thank you." -- Hospitality in good Society. -- The Friends of +Friends are Friends. -- When the Visitors come to an End there are more +to follow. -- Good Society. -- Women. -- Men. -- Conversation in +Scotland. -- A touching little Scene. + +CHAP. XV. -- Little Sketches of Family Life in Scotland. -- The +Scotchman of "John Bull and his Island." -- Painful Explanations. -- As +a Father I love you, as a Customer I take you in. -- A good Investment. +-- Killing two Birds with one Stone. -- A young Man in a Hurry. + +CHAP. XVI. -- Matrimonial Ceremonies. -- Sweethearts. -- "Un serrement +de main vaut dix serments de bouche." -- "Jack's kisses were nicer than +that." -- A Platonic Lover. -- "Excuse me, I'm married." -- A wicked +Trick. + +CHAP. XVII. -- Donald is not easily knocked down. -- He calmly +contemplates Death, especially other people's. -- A thoughtful Wife. -- +A very natural Request. -- A consolable Father. -- "Job," 1st chapter, +21st verse. -- Merry Funerals. -- They manage Things better in Ireland. +-- Gone just in Time. -- Touching Funeral Orations. + +CHAP. XVIII. -- Intellectual Life in Scotland. -- The Climate is not so +bad as it is represented to be. -- Comparisons. -- Literary and +Scientific Societies. -- Why should not France possess such Societies? +-- Scotch Newspapers. -- Scotland is the Sinew of the British Empire. + +CHAP. XIX. -- Higher Education in Scotland. -- The Universities. -- How +they differ from English Universities. -- Is he a Gentleman? -- +Scholarships. -- A visit to the University of Aberdeen. -- English +Prejudice against Scotch Universities. + +CHAP. XX. -- Scotch Literature. -- Robert Burns. -- Walter Scott. -- +Thomas Carlyle. -- Adam Smith. -- Burns Worship. -- Scotch Ballads and +Poetry. + +CHAP. XXI. -- The Dance in Scotland. -- Reels and Highland Schottische. +-- Is Dancing a Sin? -- Dances of Antiquity. -- There is no Dancing now. + +CHAP. XXII. -- The Wisdom of Scotland. -- Proverbs. -- Morals in Words +and Morals in Deeds. -- Maxims. -- The Scot is a Judge of Human Nature. +-- Scotch and Norman Proverbs compared. -- Practical Interpretation of a +Passage of the Bible. + +CHAP. XXIII. -- Massacre of the English Tongue. -- Donald, the Friend of +France. -- Scotch Anecdotes again. -- Reason of their Drollery. -- +Picturesque Dialect. -- Dry Old Faces. -- A Scotch Chambermaid. -- +Oddly-placed Moustachios. -- My Chimney Smokes. -- Sarcastic Spirit. -- +A good Chance of entering Paradise thrown away. -- Robbie Burns and the +Greenock Shopkeeper. + +CHAP. XXIV. -- The Staff of Life in Scotland. -- Money is round and +flat. -- Cheap Restaurants. -- Democratic Bill of Fare. -- Caution to +the Public. -- "Parritch!" -- The Secret of Scotland's Success. -- The +National Drink of Scotland. -- Scotch and Irish Whiskies. -- Whisky a +very slow Poison. -- Dean Ramsay's best Anecdote. + +CHAP. XXV. -- Hors d'oeuvre. -- A Word to the Reader, and another to +the Critic. -- A Man who has a right to be Proud. -- Why? + +CHAP. XXVI. -- Glasgow. -- Origin of the Name. -- Rapid Growth of the +City. -- St. Mungo's Injunction to Donald. -- James Watt and the Clyde. +-- George Square. -- Exhibition of Sculpture in the open Air. -- Royal +Exchange. -- Wellington again. -- Wanted an Umbrella. -- The Cathedral. +-- How it was saved by a Gardener. -- The Streets. -- Kelvingrove Park. +-- The University. -- The Streets at Night. -- The Tartan Shawls a +Godsend. -- The Populace. -- Pity for the poor little Children. -- +Sunday Lectures in Glasgow. -- To the Station, and let us be off. + +CHAP. XXVII. -- Edinburgh. -- Glasgow's Opinion thereof, and _vice +versa_. -- High Street. -- The Old Town. -- John Knox's House. -- The +old Parliament House. -- Holyrood Palace. -- Mary Stuart. -- Arthur's +Seat. -- The University. -- The Castle. -- Princes Street. -- Two Greek +Buildings. -- The Statues. -- Walter Scott. -- The inevitable Wellington +again. -- Calton Hill. -- The Athens of the North and the modern +Parthenon. -- Why did not the Scotch buy the ancient Parthenon of the +modern Greeks? -- Lord Elgin. -- The Acropolis of Edinburgh. -- Nelson +for a Change. + +CHAP. XXVIII. -- Where are the Scotch? -- Something wanting in the +Landscape. -- The Inhabitants. -- The Highlanders and the Servant Girls. +-- Evening in Princes Street. -- Leith and the Firth of Forth. -- +Rossend Castle at Burntisland. -- Mary Stuart once more. -- I receive +Scotch Hospitality in the Bedroom where Chastelard was as enterprising +as unfortunate. + +CHAP. XXIX. -- Aberdeen the Granite City. -- No sign of the Statue of +"you know whom." -- All Grey. -- The Town and its Suburbs. -- Character +of the Aberdonian. -- Why London could not give an Ovation to a Provost +of Aberdeen. -- Blue Hill. -- Aberdeen Society. -- A thoughtful +Caretaker. -- To this Aberdonian's Disappointment, I do not appear in +Tights before the Aberdeen Public. + +CHAP. XXX. -- The Thistle. -- "Nemo me impune lacessit." -- "Honi soit +qui Mollet pince." -- Political Aspirations of the Scotch. -- +Signification of Liberalism in Scotland. -- Self-Government in the near +Future. -- Coercive Pills. -- The Disunited Kingdom. -- The United +Empire. + +PRINTING OFFICE OF THE PUBLISHER + + + + +Friend Mac Donald. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + A Word to Donald. -- The Scotch Anecdote and its Character. -- + The Scotch painted by Themselves. + + +Ah! my dear Donald, what good stories you told me in the few months that +I had the pleasure of passing with you! How you stuffed and saturated me +with them! + +And the English pretend that nobody laughs in Scotland! + +Don't they though! and with the right sort of laughter, too: a laugh +that is frank, and full of _finesse_ and good-humour. + +You will be astonished, perhaps, that a three or four months' sojourn in +Scotland should permit me to write a little volume on your dear country, +and you will, may be, accuse me of having visited you with the idea of +seeking two hundred pages for the printer. + +You would be very wrong in your impression, if you thought so. + +To tell the truth, I did not take a single note in Scotland; but, on my +return home, all those delicious anecdotes came back to my memory, and +I could not resist the temptation of telling a few of them to my +compatriots. + +After all, Scotland is almost a closed letter to the French; and I +thought I might make myself useful and agreeable in offering French +readers a picture of the manners and character of the Caledonians. + +If, in order to be a success, a book of travels must be full of the +strange and the horrible, it is all up with this one. But such is not +the case; and he who advanced this opinion calumniated the public. + +I have as much right as anyone to contradict such an assertion; for the +public has been pleased to give the kindest reception to my books on +England, and I certainly never had any other aim or ambition than that +of telling the truth according to Horace's principle, _Ridentem dicere +verum quid vetat_? + +Scotland is perhaps the only country whose anecdotes alone would suffice +to give an exact idea of her inhabitants. + +Irish anecdotes are exceedingly droll; but they only tend to show the +thoughtless side of the Irish character. They are very amusing bulls; +but while they divert, they do not instruct. + +In Scotland, on the contrary, you find in the anecdotes a picture of the +Scotch manners and character, as complete as it is faithful. + +The Scot has kept the characteristics of his ancestors; but his manners +have been toned down, and the language he speaks is growing more and +more English: he is a changed man, and, in good society, you might be +puzzled to tell him from an Englishman. + +This is not a compliment, for he has no desire to pass for other than +Scotch. + +Among those characteristics, there are two which he has preserved intact +to the present day: _finesse_ and matter-of-fact good-humour. You will +find these two traits in every grade of Scotch life--in tradesman, +mechanic, and peasant. + +This is why, setting aside the upper classes, the Scotch differ +essentially from the English. + +It is because of that good-humour that the Scot is more communicative +than the Englishman. He knows his failings, and does not mind talking +about them; in fact, he will give you anecdotes to illustrate them, and +this because they are national, and he loves to dwell on anything which +reminds him that Scotland is a nation. + +I might have entitled this volume, "The Scotch painted by themselves," +for I do but write down what I saw and heard. I owe the scenes of life I +describe to the Scotch who enacted them before me, and the anecdotes to +those who were kind enough to tell them to me. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + Donald, a British subject, but no Englishman. -- Opinion of + the greatest English Wit on the Scotch, and the worth of that + Opinion. -- The Wit of Donald and the Wit of the Cockney. -- + Intelligence and Intellectuality. -- Donald's Exterior. -- + Donald's Interior. -- Help yourself and Heaven will help you. + -- An Irish and a Scotch Servant facing a Difficulty. -- How a + small Scotchman may make himself useful in the Hour of Danger. + -- Characteristics. -- Donald on Train Journeys. -- One Way of + avoiding Tolls. + + +In the eyes of the French, the Scot is a British subject--in other +words, an Englishman--dressed in a Tam-o'-Shanter, a plaid, and kilt of +red and green tartan, and playing the bagpipes; for the rest, speaking +English, eating roast beef, and swearing by the Bible. + +For that matter, many English people are pleased to entertain the same +illusions on the subject of the dwellers in the north of Great Britain. + +Yet, never were two nations[A] so near on the map, and so far removed in +their ways and character. + + [A] I mean "the people." As for the higher classes, their + manners and dress are perfectly English; they only differ + in their political and religious opinions. + +The Scots English! Well, just advance that opinion in the presence of +one, and you will see how it will be received. + +The Scotchman is a British subject; but if you take him for an +Englishman, he draws himself up, and says: + +"No, Sir; I am not English. I am a Scotchman." + +He is Scotch, and he intends to remain Scotch. He is proud of his +nationality, and I quite understand it. + +Of all the inhabitants of the more-or-less-United Kingdom, Friend Donald +is the most keen, sturdy, matter-of-fact, persevering, industrious, and +witty. + +The most witty! Now I have said something. + +Yes, the most witty, with all due respect to the shade of Sydney Smith. + +So little do the English know the Scotch, that when I spoke to them of +my intention to lecture in Scotland, they laughed at me. + +"But don't you know, my dear fellow," they exclaimed, "that it is only +by means of a pickaxe that you can get a joke into the skull of a +Scotchman?" + +And the fact is, that since the day when Sydney Smith, of jovial memory, +pronounced his famous dictum, that it required a surgical operation to +make a Scotchman understand a joke, poor Donald has been powerless to +prevent past and present generations from repeating the phrase of the +celebrated wit. + +All in vain did Scotland produce Smollett, Robert Burns, Walter Scott, +and Thomas Carlyle, in the eyes of the English, the Scotchman has +remained the personification of slow-wittedness--a poor fellow incapable +of making much beyond prayers and money, and the Londoner who has never +travelled--the poor Cockney who still firmly believes that the French +are feeble creatures, living on snails and frogs--this Londoner, the +most stupid animal in the world (after the Paris _badaud_, perhaps), +goes about repeating to all who will listen to such nonsense: + +"Dull and heavy as a Scotchman!" + +Give a few minutes' start to a hoax, and you will never be able to +overtake it. + +To tell the truth, the wit of, I will not say, an Englishman, but a +Cockney, is not within the reach of the Scot. Jokes, play upon words, +and bantering are not in his line. A pun will floor him completely; but +I hope to be able to prove, by means of a few anecdotes, that Donald has +real wit, and humour above all--humour of the light, subtle kind, that +would pass by a Cockney without making the least impression. + +I do not wish to say that there is more intelligence in Scotland than in +England; but I can in all security say there is more intellectuality. + +The Cockney must have his puns and small jokes. On the stage, he +delights in jigs; and to really please him, the best of actors have to +become rivals of the mountebanks at a fair. A hornpipe delights his +heart. An actor who, for an hour together, pretends not to be able to +keep on his hat, sends him into the seventh heaven of delight; and I +have seen the tenants of the stalls applaud these things. Such +performances make the Scotch smile, but with pity. The Cockney! When you +have said that you have said everything: it is a being who will find +fault with the opera of _Faust_, because up to the present time no +manager has given the Kermess scene the attraction of an acrobat turning +a wheel or standing on his head. + +No, no; the Scotchman has no wit of this sort. In the matter of wit, he +is an epicure, and only appreciates dainty food. A smart repartee will +tickle his sides agreeably; he understands _demi-mots_; he is +good-tempered, and can take a joke as well as see through one. His +quick-wittedness and the subtlety of his character make him full of +quaint remarks and funny and unexpected comparisons. He is a stranger to +affectation--that dangerous rock to the would-be wit; he is natural, and +is witty without trying to be a wit. + +Yes, Donald is witty; but he possesses more solid qualities as well. + +We will make acquaintance with his intellectual qualities presently. + +As to his exterior--look at him: he is as strong as his own granite, and +cut out for work. + +A head well planted on a pair of broad shoulders; a strong-knit, sinewy +frame; small, keen eyes; iron muscles; a hand that almost crushes your +own as he shakes it; and large flat feet that only advance cautiously +and after having tried the ground: such is Donald. + +Needless to say that he generally lives to a good old age. + +I never knew a Christian so confident of going to Paradise, or less +eager to set out. + + * * * * * + +Why does the Scotchman succeed everywhere? Why, in Australia, New +Zealand, and all the other British Colonies, do you find him landowner, +director of companies, at the head of enterprises of all kinds? Again, +why do you find in almost all the factories of Great Britain that the +foreman is Scotch? + +Ah! it is very simple. + +Success is very rarely due to extraordinary circumstances, or to chance, +as the social failures are fond of saying. + +The Scot is economical, frugal, matter-of-fact, exact, thoroughly to be +depended upon, persevering, and hard-working. + +He is an early riser; when he earns but half-a-crown a day, he puts by +sixpence or a shilling; he minds his own business, and does not meddle +with other people's. + +Add to these qualities the body that I was speaking of--a body healthy, +bony, robust, and rendered impervious to fatigue by the practice of +every healthful exercise--and you will understand why the Scotch succeed +everywhere. + +His religion teaches him to trust in God, and to rely upon his own +resources--an eminently practical religion, whose device is: + +_Help yourself and Heaven will help you._ + +If a Scotchman were wrecked near an outlandish island in Oceania, I +guarantee that you will find him, a few years later, installed as a +landed proprietor, exacting rents and taxes from the natives. + +Where the English, the Irish especially, will starve, the Scotch will +exist; where the English can exist, the Scotch will dine. + + * * * * * + +The following little scene, which took place in my house, enlightened me +very much as to why one finds the Scotch farming their own land in the +colonies, while the Irish are doing labourers' work. + +I had an Irish cook, an honest woman if ever there was one, faithful, +and of a religion as sincere as it was unpractical. + +The housemaid, a true-born Scotch girl, came down one morning to find +the poor cook on her knees in the act of imploring Heaven to make her +fire burn. + +"But your wood is damp," she exclaimed; "how can ye expect it to burn? +Pray, if ye will, but the Lord has a muckle to mind; and ye'd do weel to +pit your wood in the oven o' nights, instead of bothering Him wi' such +trifles." + +"It was faith, nevertheless," said a worthy lady, to whom I told the +matter. + +It was idleness, thought I, or very much like it. + +Doctor Norman Macleod tells how he was once in a boat, on a Highland +lake, when a storm came on, which menaced him and his companions with +the most serious danger. The doctor, a tall, strong man, had with him a +Scotch minister, who was small and delicate. The latter addressed +himself to the boatman, and, drawing his attention to the danger they +were in, proposed that they should all pray. + +"Na, na," said the boatman; "let the little ane gang to pray, but first +the big ane maun tak' an oar, or we shall be drouned." + + * * * * * + +Donald is the most practical man on earth. + +He is a man who takes life seriously, and whom nothing will divert from +the road that leads to the goal. + +He is a man who monopolises all the good places in this world and the +next; who keeps the Commandments, and everything else worth keeping; who +swears by the Bible--and as hard[B] as a Norman carter; who serves God +every Sabbath day and Mammon all the week; who has a talent for keeping +a great many things, it is true, but especially his word, when he gives +it you. + + [B] I trust to the intelligence of the reader to distinguish + here between the well-bred Scot and his humbler brethren. + +He is not a man of brilliant qualities, but he is a man of solid ones, +who can only be appreciated at his true worth when you have known him +some time. He does not jump at you with demonstrations of love, nor does +he swear you an eternal friendship; but if you know how to win his +esteem, you may rely upon him thoroughly. + +He is a man who pays prompt cash, but will have the value of his money. + +If ever you travel with a Scotchman from Edinburgh to London, you may +observe that he does not take his eyes off the country the train goes +through. He looks out of the window all the time, so as not to miss a +pennyworth of the money he has paid for his place. Remark to him, as you +yawn and stretch yourself, that it's a long, tiring, tiresome journey, +and he will probably exclaim: + +"Long, indeed, long! I should think so, sir; and so it ought to be for +L2 17s. 6d.!" + + * * * * * + +I know of a Scot, who, rather than pay the toll of a bridge in +Australia, takes off his coat, which he rolls and straps on his back, +in order to swim across the stream. + +He is not a miser; on the contrary, his generosity is well known in his +own neighbourhood. He is simply an eccentric Scot, who does not see why +he should pay for crossing a river that he can cross for nothing. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + All Scots know how to reckon. -- Rabelais in Scotland. -- How + Donald made two pence halfpenny by going to the Lock-up. -- + Difference between buying and stealing. -- Scotch Honesty. -- + Last words of a Father to his Son. -- Abraham in Scotland. -- + How Donald outdid Jonathan. -- Circumspection, Insinuations, and + Negations. -- Delicious Declarations of Love. -- Laconism. -- + Conversation reduced to its simplest Expression. -- A, e, i, o, + u. -- A visit to Thomas Carlyle. -- The Silent Academy of + Hamadan. -- With the Author's Compliments. + + +All the Scotch know how to read, write, and reckon. + +Especially reckon. + +The following adventure happened but the other day. + +A wily Caledonian, accused of having insulted a policeman, was condemned +by the Bailie of his village to pay a fine of half-a-crown, with the +alternative of six days' imprisonment. + +As there are few Scots who have not half-a-crown in their pockets, you +will perhaps imagine that Friend Donald paid the money, glad to get out +of the scrape so cheaply. + +Not at all: when you are born in Scotland, you do not part with your +cash without a little reflection. + +So Donald reflected a moment. + +Will he pay or go to jail? His heart wavers. + +"I will go to jail," he exclaims, suddenly struck with a luminous idea. + +Now the prison was in the chief town of his county, and it so happened +that he had a little business to arrange there, but the railway fare was +two shillings and eight pence halfpenny. + +He passes the night in the lock-up, and in the morning is taken off by +train to the prison. + +Once safely there, Donald pulls half-a-crown from his purse, and demands +a receipt of the governor, who has no choice but to give it him and set +him at liberty. Our hero, proud as a king at the success of his plan, +and the two pence halfpenny clear profit it has brought him, steers for +the town and arranges his business. + +Rabelais was not more cunning when he hit upon his stratagem for getting +carried to Paris. + + * * * * * + +The Scotch themselves are fond of telling the following: + +Dugald--"Did ye hear that Sandy McNab was ta'en up for stealin' a coo?" + +Donald--"Hoot, toot, the stipit body! Could he no bocht it, and no paid +for 't." + +This explains why the Scotch prisons are relatively empty. Donald is +often in the county court, but seldom in the police-court. + +A good Scot begins the day with the following prayer: + +"O Lord! grant that I may take no one in this day, and that no one may +take me in. If Thou canst grant me but one of these favours, O Lord, +grant that no one may take me in." + + * * * * * + +He would be a clever fellow, however, who could take in Donald. + +There is no country where compacts are more faithfully kept than in +Scotland. When you have the signature of a Scotchman in your pocket, you +may make your mind easy; but, if you sign an agreement with him, you may +be certain that he runs no risk of repenting of the transaction. + +He is rarely at fault in his reckoning; but if, by chance, an error +escapes him, it is not he who suffers by it. + +I must hasten, however, to say that the honesty of the Scotch in England +is proverbial. I have always heard the English say they liked doing +business with Scotch firms, because they had the very qualities +desirable in a customer: straight-forwardness and solvency. + +Donald's honesty is all the more admirable, because he is firmly +convinced in his heart, that he will go straight to Paradise whatever he +may do. You will confess that there is danger about a Christian who +feels sure that many things shall be forgiven him. + +Perhaps his honesty may be the result of reflection, if the following +little anecdote that was told me in Scotland is any criterion: + +A worthy father, feeling death at hand, sends for his son to hear his +last counsels. + +"Donald," he says to him, "listen to the last words of your old father. +If you want to get on in the world, be honest. Never forget that, in all +business, honesty is the best policy. You may take my word for it, my +son,--_I hae tried baith_." + +This worthy Scot deserved an epitaph in the style of that one which the +late Count Beust speaks of having seen on a tombstone at Highclere: + +"Here lies Donald, who was as honest a man as it is possible to be in +this world." + + * * * * * + +The Jews never got a footing in Scotland: they would have starved there. + +They came; but they saw ... and gave it up. + +You may find one or two in Glasgow, but they are in partnership with +Scotchmen, and do not form a band apart. They do not do much local +business: they are exporters and importers. + +The Aberdonians tell of a Jew who once came to their city and set up in +business; but it was not long before he packed up his traps and decamped +from that centre of Scotch 'cuteness. + +"Why are you going?" they asked him. "Is it because there are no Jews in +Aberdeen?" + +"Oh, no," he replied; "I am going because you are all Jews here." + +An American was so ill-inspired as to try his hand there where even a +Jew had been beaten. + +The good folk of Aberdeen are very proud of telling the following +anecdote, which dates from only a few months back, and was in everyone's +mouth at the time of my visit to the city of granite: + +An American lecturer had signed an agreement with an Aberdonian, by +which he undertook to go and lecture in Aberdeen for a fee of twenty +pounds. + +Dazzled by the success of his lectures, which were drawing full houses +in all parts of England, the American bethought himself that he might +have made better terms with Donald. Acting on this idea, he soon sent +him a telegram, running thus: + +"Enormous success. Invitations numerous. Cannot do Aberdeen for less +than thirty pounds. Reply prepaid." + +The Scot was not born to be taken in. + +On the contrary. + +Donald, armed with the treaty in his pocket, goes calmly to the +telegraph office and wires: + +"All right. Come on." + +Jonathan, encouraged by the success of this first venture, rubs his +hands, and, two days later, sends a second telegram, as follows: + +"Invitations more and more numerous. Impossible to do Aberdeen for less +than forty pounds." + +Donald thinks the thing very natural, and laughs in his sleeve. He bids +the messenger wait, and without hesitation he scribbles: + +"All right. Come on." + +Jonathan doubtless rubbed his hands harder than ever, and might have +been very surprised if he had been told that Donald was rubbing his too. + +However, he arrived in Aberdeen radiant, gave his lecture, and at the +end was presented by Donald with a cheque for twenty pounds. + +"Twenty pounds--but it is forty pounds you owe me!" + +"You make a mistake," replied Donald, quietly: "here is our treaty, +signed and registered." + +"But I sent you a telegram to tell you that I could not possibly come +for less than forty pounds." + +"Quite so," replied Donald, unmoved. + +"And you answered--'All right. Come on.'" + +"That is true." + +"Well then?" + +"Well, my dear sir, it is all right: you have come--now, you may go." + +Like the crow in La Fontaine's fable, Jonathan registered a vow ... but +a little late. + +"Ah!" cried the Aberdonian who told me the story, "Jonathan will not go +back to America to tell his compatriots that he took in a Scotchman." +And his eyes gleamed with national pride as he added: "It was no harm to +try." + +He considered the conduct of the American quite natural, it was clear. + +As for me, I thought that "All right--come on," a magnificent example of +Scotch diplomacy and humour. + + * * * * * + +Donald has a still cooler head than his neighbour John Bull, and that is +saying a good deal. In business, in love even, he never loses his head. +He is circumspect. He proceeds by insinuations, still oftener by +negations, and that even in the most trifling matters. He does not +commit himself: he _doubts_, he goes as far as to _believe_; but he will +never push temerity so far as to be _perfectly sure_. Ask a Scotchman +how he is. He will never reply that he is well, but that he is _no bad +ava_. + +I heard a Scotchman tell the butler to fill his guests' glasses in the +following words: + +"John, if you were to fill our glasses, we wadna be the waur for 't." + +Remark to a Highlander that the weather is very warm, and he will reply: + +"I don't doubt but it may be; but that's your opinion." + +This manner of expressing themselves in hints and negations must have +greatly sharpened the wits of the Scotch. + +Here, for instance, is a delicious way of making a young girl understand +that you love her, and wish to marry her. I borrow it from Dr. Ramsay's +_Reminiscences_. + +Donald proposes to Mary a little walk. + +They go out, and in their ramble they pass through the churchyard. + +Pointing with his finger to one of the graves, this lover says: + +"My folk lie there, Mary; wad ye like to lie there?" + +Mary took the grave hint, says the Doctor, and became his wife, but does +not yet _lie there_. + +Much in the same vein is an anecdote that was told me in an Edinburgh +house one day at dessert: + +Jamie and Janet have long loved each other, but neither has spoken word +to the other of this flame. + +At last Donald one day makes up his mind to break the ice. + +"Janet," he says, "it must be verra sad to lie on your death bed and hae +no ane to houd your han' in your last moments?" + +"That is what I often say to mysel, Jamie. It must be a pleasant thing +to feel that a frien's han' is there to close your ee when a' is ower." + +"Ay, ay, Janet; and that is what mak's me sometimes think o' marriage. +After all, we war na made to live alone." + +"For my pairt, I am no thinkin' o' matrimony. But still, the thoucht of +livin' wi' a mon that I could care for is no disagreeable to me," says +Janet. "Unfortunately, I have not come across him yet." + +"I believe I hae met wi' the woman I loe," responds Jamie; "but I dinna +ken whether she lo'es me." + +"Why dinna ye ask her, Jamie?" + +"Janet," says Jamie, without accompanying his words with the slightest +chalorous movement, "wad ye be that woman I was speakin' of?" + +"If I died before you, Jamie, I wad like your han' to close my een." + +The engagement was completed with a kiss to seal the compact. + + * * * * * + +The Scot, in his quality of a man of action, talks little; all the less, +perhaps, because he knows that he will have to give an account of every +idle word in the Last Day. + +He has reduced conversation to its simplest expression. Sometimes even +he will restrain himself, much to the despair of foreigners, so far as +to only pronounce the accentuated syllable of each word. What do I say? +The syllable? He will often sound but the vowel of that syllable. + +Here is a specimen of Scotch conversation, given by Dr. Ramsay: + +A Scot, feeling the warp of a plaid hanging at a tailor's door, +enquires: + +"Oo?" (Wool?) + +_Shopkeeper_--"Ay, oo." (Yes, wool.) + +_Customer_--"A' oo?" (All wool?) + +_Shopkeeper_--"Ay, a' oo." (Yes, all wool.) + +_Customer_--"A' ae oo?" (All one wool?) + +_Shopkeeper_--"Ay, a' ae oo." (Yes, all one wool.) + +These are two who will not have much to fear on the Day of +Judgment--eh?" + +You may, perhaps, imagine that laconism could no further go. + +But you are mistaken; I have something better still to give you. + +Alfred Tennyson at one time often paid a visit to Thomas Carlyle at +Chelsea. + +On one of those occasions, these two great men, having gone to Carlyle's +library to have a quiet chat together, seated themselves one on each +side of the fireplace, and lit their pipes. + +And there for two hours they sat, plunged in profound meditation, the +silence being unbroken save for the little dry regular sound that the +lips of the smokers made as they sent puffs of smoke soaring to the +ceiling. Not one single word broke the silence. + +After two hours of this strange converse between two great souls that +understood each other without speech, Tennyson rose to take leave of his +host. Carlyle went with him to the door, and then, grasping his hand, +uttered these words: + +"Eh, Alfred, we've had a grand nicht! Come back again soon." + +If Thomas Carlyle had lived at Hamadan, he would have been worthy to +fill the first seat in the Silent Academy, the chief statute of which +was, as you may remember, worded thus: + +"The Academicians must think much, write little, and speak as seldom as +possible." + + * * * * * + +Another Scot very worthy of a place in the Silent Academy was the late +Christopher North. + +A professor of the Edinburgh University, having asked him for the hand +of his daughter Jane, Christopher North fixed a small ticket to Miss +Jane's chest, and announced his decision by thus presenting the young +lady to the professor, who read with glad eyes: + +"With the Author's compliments." + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + The traditional Hospitality of the Highlands. -- One more fond + Belief gone. -- Highland Bills. -- Donald's Two Trinities. -- + Never trust Donald on Saturdays or Mondays. -- The Game he + prefers. -- A well-informed Man. -- Ask no Questions and you + will be told no Tales. -- How Donald showed prodigious Things to + a Cockney in the Highlands. -- There is no Man so dumb as he who + will not be heard. + + +Ever since the French first heard Boieldieu's opera, _La Dame Blanche_, +and were charmed with the chorus, "Chez les montagnards ecossais +l'hospitalite se donne," the Highlander has enjoyed a tremendous +reputation for hospitality on the other side of the Channel. + +I am ready to acknowledge that the Scotch, as a nation, are most +hospitable; but do not talk to me of the hospitality of the Highlander. + +The hospitality of the mountains, like that of the valleys, is extinct +in almost every place where modern civilisation has penetrated; the real +old-fashioned article is scarcely to be found except among the savages. + +Donald has made the acquaintance of railways and mail coaches, he has +transformed his Highlands into a kind of little Switzerland; in fact, +the man is no longer recognisable. + +The Highlander of the year of grace 1887 is a wideawake dog, who lies in +wait for the innocent tourist, and knows how to tot you up a bill worthy +of a Parisian boarding-house keeper at Exhibition time. Woe to you if +you fall into his clutches; before you come out of them you will be +plucked, veritably flayed. + +The Highlander worships two trinities: the holy one on Sundays, and a +metallic one all the week. L. s. d. is the base of his language. Though +Gaelic should be the veriest Hebrew to you, you have but to learn the +meaning and pronunciation of the three magic words, and you will have no +difficulty in getting along in the Highlands. + +Every Sabbath he goes in for a thorough spiritual cleaning; therefore +trust him not on Saturday or Monday--on Saturday, because he says to +himself, "Oh! one transgression more or less whilst I am at it, what +does it matter? it is Sunday to-morrow;" on Monday, because he is all +fresh washed, and ready to begin the week worthily. + +He has a way of giving you your change which seems to say, "Is it the +full change you expect?" If you keep your hand held out, and appear to +examine what he gives you, his look says: "You are one of the wideawake +sort; we understand each other." + +Needless to say that the Highlander is glad to see the tourist, as the +hunter is glad to see game. + +Frenchmen, Germans, Russians, Englishmen, Americans, all are sure of a +welcome--he loves them all alike. + +Still, perhaps of all the foreign tourists who visit his +hunting-grounds, it is the Americans who have found the royal road to +his heart. + +"The Americans are a great people," said a Highland innkeeper to me one +day. "When you present an Englishman with his bill, he looks it over to +see that it is all right. He will often dispute and haggle. The American +is a gentleman; he would think it beneath him to descend to such +trifles. When you bring him his account, he will wave your hand away and +tell you he does not want your bill; he wants to know how much he owes +you, and that's the end of it." + +His idea of a perfect gentleman is an innocent who pays his bills +without looking at them. + +When he recognises a tourist as a compatriot, you may imagine what a wry +face he makes. + +Just as the hotel-keeper of Interlaken or Chamounix relegates all his +Swiss customers to the fifth floor rooms, so Donald gives the cold +shoulder to all the Scotch who come his way. With them he is obliged to +submit his bills to the elementary rules of arithmetic, and be careful +that two and two make only four. + + * * * * * + +It is said that of all the inhabitants of the earth, the Paris _badaud_ +is the most easy to amuse. I think, for my part, that his London +equivalent runs him very close. However this may be, the native of +London is an easy prey to the wily Scot. + +They are fond of telling, in Scotland, how friend Donald one day showed +a Cockney really prodigious things in the Isle of Arran. + +A Londoner, wishing to astonish his friends with the account of his +adventures in Scotland, resolved to make the ascent of the Goatfell +without the aid of a guide. Arrived at the foot of the mountain, he +informed the guides, who came to offer him their services, of his +intention. You may imagine if Donald, who had sniffed a good day's work, +meant to give up his bread and butter without a struggle. + +"Your project is a mad one," our tourist is told. "You will miss many +splendid points of view, and you will run a thousand risks." + +The ascension of the Goatfell is about as difficult as that of the +Monument; but our hero, who knew nothing about it, began to turn pale. + +However, he appeared determined to keep to his resolution; and Donald, +who considers he is being robbed every time anyone climbs his hills +without a guide, begins to grumble. + +Besides, when one is a Highlander, one does not give up a point so +easily as all that. Our Caledonian resorts to diplomacy. A brilliant +idea occurs to him. + +"Since you will not have a guide," says he, pretending to withdraw, +"good luck to you on your journey! Mind you don't miss the mysterious +stone." + +"What mysterious stone?" demands the Cockney. + +"Oh, on the top of the Goatfell," replies Donald, "there is a stone that +might well be called _enchanted_. When you stand upon that stone, no +sound, no matter how close or how loud, can reach your ears." + +"Really?" says the tourist, gaping. + +"A thunderstorm might burst just above your head, and you would never +hear it," added Donald, who saw that his bait was beginning to take. + +"Prodigious!" cried the Londoner. "How shall I know the stone? Do tell +me." + +"Not easily," insinuated Donald slyly; "it is scarcely known except to +guides. However, I will try to describe its position to you." + +Here the Scot entered into explanations which threw the Cockney's brain +into a complete muddle. + +"I had better take you, after all, I think," said the bewildered +tourist. "Come along." + +I need not tell you that they were soon at the wonderful stone. + +The Londoner took up his position on it, and begged the guide to stand a +few steps off and to shout at the top of his voice. + +Out Scot fell to making all sorts of contortions, placing his hands to +his mouth as if to carry the sound; but not a murmur reached the ears of +the tourist. + +"Take a rest," he said to Donald; "you will make yourself hoarse.... It +is a fact that I have not heard a sound. It is prodigious! Now you go +and stand on the stone, and I will shout." + +They changed places. + +The Cockney began to rave with all his might. + +Donald did not move a muscle. + +The dear Londoner made the hills ring with the sound of his voice, but +his guide gazed at him as calmly as Nature that surrounded them. + +"Don't you hear anything?" cried the poor tourist. + +Donald was not so silly as to fall into the trap. He feigned not to +hear, and kept up his impassive expression. + +The Cockney continued to howl. + +"Shout louder," cried Donald; "I can hear nothing." + +"It's wonderful; it is enough to take one's breath away. I never saw +anything so remarkable in my life!" + +And putting his hand in his pocket, he drew out a golden coin, and +slipped it into Donald's hand. + +This done, they left the marvel behind, and climbed to the summit of the +Goatfell, the clever guide carefully picking out all the roughest paths, +and doing his best to give his patient plenty of dangers for his money. + +That night, after having made a note of all his day's adventures, the +proud tourist added, as a future caution to his friends: + +"Be sure and take a guide for the Goatfell!" + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + Resemblance of Donald to the Norman. -- Donald marketing. -- + Bearding a Barber. -- Norman Replies. -- Cant. -- Why the Whisky + was not marked on the Hotel Bill. -- New Use for the Old and New + Testaments. -- You should love your Enemies and not swallow + them. -- A modest Wish. + + +Friend Donald resembles the Norman very closely. + +Like him, he is cunning and circumspect, with the composed exterior of +Puss taking a doze. + +We say in France, "Answering like a Norman." That means, "to give an +evasive, ambiguous answer--neither _yes_ nor _no_." + +They might say in England, "Answering like a Scot," to express the same +idea. + +Look at Donald, with the corners of his mouth drawn back, and his eyes +twinkling as he nods at you and answers _Ay_, or shakes his head as he +says _Na_, _na_; and you will be convinced that he is compromised +neither by the one nor the other. + +At market the resemblance is perfect. + +He strolls into the stall as if he did not want anything more than a +look round. He examines the goods with a most indifferent eye, turns +them over and over, and finds fault with them. He seems to say to the +stall-keeper: + +"You certainly could not have the impudence to ask a good price for such +stuff as this." + +If he buys, he pays with a protest. + +When he pockets cash, on the contrary, admire the rapidity of the +proceeding. + +I one day heard a Norman, who had just been profiting by being in town +on market-day to get shaved, say to the barber, with the most innocent +air in the world: + +"My word, I'm very sorry not to have a penny to give you, but my wife +and I have spent all our money; I have only a halfpenny left.... I will +owe you till next time." + +Compare this Norman with the hero of the following little anecdote which +the Scotch tell. + +A Scot, who sold brooms, went into a Glasgow barber's shop to get +shaved. + +The barber bought a broom of Donald, and, after having shaved him, asked +what he owed him for the broom. + +"Two pence," said Donald. + +"No, no," said the barber; "it's too dear. I will give you a penny, and +if you are not satisfied, you can take your broom again." + +Donald pocketed the penny, and asked what he had to pay for being +shaved. + +"A penny," replied the barber. + +"Na, na," said Donald; "I will give ye a bawbee, an' if ye are no +satisfied, ye can pit my beard back again." + +This is Norman to the life. + +The Scot pays when he has given his signature, or when there is no help +for it. + + * * * * * + +It has been said that the farthing was introduced to allow the Scotch to +be generous. This is calumny; for the Scot is charitable: but if +collections in Scotch churches were made in bags, there might be rather +a run on the small copper coin. + + * * * * * + +If you would see still another point of resemblance between the Scot and +the Norman, look at them as they indulge in their little pet +transgression. + +When Donald orders his glass of whisky, he is always careful to say: + +"Waiter, a _small_ whisky." + +The Irishman asks for a "strong whisky," straight out, like a man. + +Donald is modest, he asks for his _small_. That is the allowance of +sober folks, and the dear fellow is one of them. But just add up at the +end of the evening the number of _wee draps_ that he has on his +conscience, and you will find they make a very respectable total. + +Now look at the Norman taking his cups of _cafe tricolore_ after dinner. + +Do not imagine that he is going to take up the three bottles of brandy, +rum, and kirschwasser, and pour himself out some of their contents. No, +no; he would be too much afraid of exceeding the dose. He measures it +into his spoon, which he holds horizontally; and, to see the precautions +he takes, you would think he was a chemist preparing a doctor's +prescription. + +"A teaspoonful of each," he says to you; "that is my quantity." + +But how they brim over, those spoonfuls! When the overflow has fallen +into the cup, he shows you the full spoon, with the remark: + +"One of each kind, no more." + + * * * * * + +Scotch shrewdness expresses itself in a phraseology all its own, and of +which Donald alone possesses the secret. He handles the English +language with the talent of the most wily diplomatist. He has a happy +knack of combining irony and humour, as the following story shows: + +An English author had sent his latest production to several men of +letters, requesting them to kindly give him their opinion of his book. A +Scotchman replied: + +"Many thanks for the book which you did me the honour to send me. I will +lose no time in reading it." + +Quite a Norman response, only more delicate. + +Scotch shrewdness has occasionally a certain smack of mild hypocrisy, +which, however, does no harm to anyone. + +Here are two examples of it that rather diverted me: + +I was in the smoking-room of the Grand Hotel at Glasgow one evening. + +Near me, sitting at a little table, were two gentlemen--unmistakably +Scotch, as their accent proclaimed. + +One of them calls the waiter, and orders a glass of whisky. + +"What is the number of your room, sir?" asks the waiter, having put the +whisky and water-jug on the table. + +"No matter, waiter; don't put it on the bill. Here is the money." + +"Very clever, that Caledonian," said I to myself, as I noted the wink to +the waiter and the glance thrown to the other occupant of the table. + +True it is, _Scripta manent_! + +If his wife accidentally puts her hand on his hotel bill in the pocket +of his coat, there is no harm done--no sign of any but the most innocent +articles. + +Another time I was in a Scotchman's library. + +While waiting for my host, who was to rejoin me there, I had a look at +his books, most of which treated of theology. + +Two volumes, admirably bound, attracted my gaze. They were marked on the +back--one, _Old Testament_, the other, _New Testament_. I tried to take +down the first volume; but, to my surprise, the second moved with it. +Were the two volumes fixed together? or were they stuck by accident? Not +suspecting any mystery, I pulled hard. The Old Testament and the New +Testament were in one, and came together. The handsome binding was +nothing but the cover of a box of cigars. No more Testament than there +is on the palm of my hand: cigars--first-rate cigars--nothing but +cigars, placed there under the protection of the holy patriarchs. + +I had time to put all in place again before my host came; but I was not +at my ease. I was quite innocent, of course; but--I don't know why--when +one has discovered a secret, one feels guilty of having taken something +that belongs to another. + +At last my host entered, closed the door, and, rubbing his hands, said: + +"Now I am at your service. Excuse me for leaving you alone a few +moments. I have settled my business, and we will have a cigar together, +if you like." + +So saying, he opened the door of a small cupboard made in the wall, and +cleverly hidden by a picture of "John Knox imploring Mary Stuart to +abjure the Catholic faith." It was, as you see, rather a mysterious +library. From this cupboard he took some glasses--and something to fill +them agreeably withal. Then, without betraying the slightest +embarrassment, without a smile or a glance, he brought the twin volumes +which had so astonished me, and laid them on the table. I had the +pleasure of making closer acquaintance with the cigars, that seemed to +bring a recommendation from Moses and the prophets. + + * * * * * + +An anecdote on the ready wit of Donald: + +He meets his pastor, who remonstrates with him upon the subject of his +intemperate habits. + +"You are too fond of whisky, Donald; you ought to know very well that +whisky is your enemy." + +"But, minister, have you not often told us that we ought to love our +enemies?" says Donald, slyly. + +"Yes, Donald; but I never told you that you should swallow them," +replies the pastor, who was as witty as his parishioner. + + * * * * * + +What anecdotes I heard in Scotland on the subject of whisky, to be sure! + +Here is a good one for the last. I owe it to a learned professor of the +Aberdeen University. + +Donald feels the approach of death. + +The minister of his village is at his bedside, preparing him by pious +exhortations for the great journey. + +"Have you anything on your mind, Donald? Is there any question you would +like to ask me?" And the minister bent down to listen to the dying man's +reply. + +"Na, meenister, I'm na afeard.... I wad like to ken whether there'll be +whisky in heaven?" + +Upon his spiritual counsellor remonstrating with him upon such a thought +at such a moment, he hastened to add, with a knowing look: + +"Oh! it's no that I mind, meenister; I only thoucht I'd like to see it +on the table!" + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + Democratic Spirit in Scotland. -- One Scot as good as another. + -- Amiable Beggars. -- Familiarity of Servants. -- Shout all + together! -- A Scotchman who does not admire his Wife. -- + Donald's Pride. -- The Queen and her Scotch People. -- Little + Presents keep alive Friendship. + + +The Scotch are an essentially democratic people. I take the word in its +social, not its political, sense; although it might be asserted without +hesitation, that if ever there was a nation formed for living under a +republic, it is the Scotch--serious, calm, wise, law-abiding, and ever +ready to respect the opinions of others. Yet the Scotch are perhaps the +most devoted subjects of the English crown. + +The English and Scotch are republicans, with democratic institutions, +living under a monarchy. + +When I say that the Scotch are a democratic people, I mean that in +Scotland, still more than in England, one man is as good as another. + +The Scot does not admit the existence of demigods. In his eyes, the +robes of the priest or judge cover a man, not an oracle. + +Always ready for a bit of argument, he criticises an order, a sermon, a +verdict even. + +Religious as he is, yet he will weigh every utterance of his pastor +before accepting it. He respects the law; but if his bailie inflicts on +him a fine that he thinks unjust, he does not scruple to tell him a +piece of his mind; and if ever you wish to be told your daily duty at +home, you have but to engage a Scotch servant. + + * * * * * + +Donald knows how to accept social inferiority; he may perhaps envy his +betters, but he does not hate them. He never abdicates his manhood's +dignity: an obsequious Scotchman is unknown. + +In Scotland, even a beggar has none of those abject manners that denote +his class elsewhere. His look seems to say:-- + +"Come, my fine fellow, listen to me a minute: you have money and I have +none; you might give me a penny." + +I remember one in Edinburgh, who stopped me politely, yet without +touching his cap, and said: + +"You look as if you had had a good dinner, sir; won't you give me +something to buy a meal with?" + +I took him to a cook-shop and bought him a pork pie. + +"If you don't mind," said he, "I'll have veal." + +Why certainly! everyone to his taste, to be sure. + +I acquiesced with alacrity. He was near shaking hands with me. + +Donald is plain spoken with everyone. In Scotland, as in France, there +are still to be found old servants whose familiarity would horrify an +Englishman, but whom the _bonhomie_ of Scotch masters tolerates without +a murmur, in consideration of the fidelity and devotion of these honest +servants. + +Like every man who is conscious of his strength, the Scot is +good-humoured; he rarely loses his temper. + +The familiarity of the servant and good-humour of the master, in +Scotland, are delightfully illustrated in the two following anecdotes, +which were told me in Scotland. + +Donald is serving at table. Several guests claim his attention at once: +one wants bread, another wine, another vegetables. Donald does not know +which way to turn. Presently, losing patience, he apostrophises the +company thus: + +"That's it; cry a'together--that's the way to be served!" + + * * * * * + +A laird, in the county of Aberdeen, had a well-stocked fowl yard, but +could never get any new-laid eggs for breakfast. + +He wanted to penetrate the mystery. So he lay in ambush, and discovered +that his gardener's wife went to the hen-roost every morning, filled her +basket with the eggs, and made straight for the market to sell them. + +The first time he met his gardener, he said to him: + +"James, I like you very weel, for I think you serve me faithfully; but, +between oursels, I canna say that I hae muckle admiration for your +wife." + +"I'm no surprised at that, laird," replied James, "for I dinna muckle +admire her mysel!" + +What could the poor laird say? This fresh union of sympathies united +them only more closely. + + * * * * * + +"Proud as a Highlander" is a common saying. His gait tells you what he +is. He walks with head thrown back, and shoulders squared; his step is +firm and springy. It is a man who says to himself twenty times a day: + +"I am a Scotchman." + +Such an exalted opinion has he of his race that when Queen Victoria gave +Princess Louise to the Marquis of Lorne in marriage, the general feeling +in the Highlands was, as everybody knows, "The Queen maun be a prood +leddy the day!" + +The English were astonished at the Queen's consenting to give her +daughter to one of her subjects. They looked upon it as a _mesalliance_. +The Scotch were not far from doing the same--a Campbell marry a simple +Brunswick! + +It is in the Highlands that this national pride is preserved intact. +Mountainous countries always keep their characteristics longer than +others. + +Everyone knows that the Queen of England passes a great part of the +year in her Castle of Balmoral, in the heart of the Highlands, among her +worthy Scotch people, whom she appears to prefer to all her other +subjects. She visits the humblest cottages, and sends delicacies to the +sick and aged. + +The good folk do not accept the bounty of their Queen without making her +a return for it in kind. Yes--in kind. The women knit her a pair of +stockings or a shawl, and the Queen delights them by accepting their +presents. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + Scottish Perseverance. -- Thomas Carlyle, David Livingstone, and + General Gordon. -- Literary Exploits of a Scotchman. -- Scottish + Students. -- All the Students study. -- A useful Library. -- A + Family of three. -- Coming, sir, coming! -- Killed in Action. -- + Scotchmen at Oxford. -- Balliol College. + + +It is not in business alone that the Scotchman shows that obstinate +perseverance which so characterises his nation. Thomas Carlyle would +have passed a whole year searching out the exact date of the most +insignificant incident. That is why his _Frederick the Great_ is the +finest historical monument of the century. + +It is this same Scotch perseverance which makes Watts, Livingstones, and +Gordons. Never were there brighter illustrations of what can be done by +power of mind united to power of endurance. + +I have seen them at work, those resolute, indomitable Scots. I have +known some whose performances were nothing short of feats of valour. + +Here is one that I have fresh in my memory. + +A young Scotchman, on leaving Oxford, had been appointed master in one +of the great public schools of England. He began with the elementary +classes. At that time he intended to devote himself to the study of +science. + +He told the head master of his intention, and asked his advice. + +"If I were you," said the head master, "I would do nothing of the kind. +I feel sure you have very special aptitude for Greek, and that if you +will but direct your attention to that, you have a brilliant future +before you. Let me trace you out a programme?" + +This programme was enough to frighten the most enterprising of men. A +Scotchman alone could undertake to carry it out. + +Our young master accepted the task. + +He took an apartment in the Temple, turned his back on his friends, and +became an inaccessible hermit. + +For three years he lived only for his books, consecrating to them that +which, at his age, is generally consecrated to pleasure and comfort. + +Nothing could turn him from the end he had in view. + +One after another he read all the Greek authors. Nothing that had been +written by poet, philosopher, historian, or grammarian, escaped him. + +At the end of three years, he reappeared, wasted by the vigils and +privations of this life of study; but the last touches had been put to +the manuscript of a book, which, when it appeared three months later, +was pronounced a masterpiece of scholarship, and made quite a revolution +in the Greek world. + +To-day this young Scotchman is one of the brightest lights in the higher +walks of literature in Great Britain. + + * * * * * + +The students of the great Universities of Scotland offer, perhaps, the +most striking proofs of perseverance to be found. + +At Oxford and Cambridge, you find all sorts of students, especially +students who do not study. + +In Scotland, all students study. + +To be able to have the luxury of studying, or rather "residing" (such is +the less pretentious name in use), at Oxford or Cambridge, you must be +well-to-do. + +In Scotland, as in Germany, Greece, Switzerland, and America, the +poorest young men may aspire to university honours; but often at the +cost of what privations! + +Here are a few incidents of students' life in Scotland. They struck me +as being very interesting, very touching. I borrow them, for the most +part, from a writer who published them in a Scotch _Review_ during my +stay in Edinburgh. + +He mentions one young man, of fine manners and aristocratic appearance, +who dined but three times a week, and then upon a hot two-penny pie. On +the other days he lived on dry bread. + +Another had an ingenious way of turning his scanty resources to account. +Spreading out his books where the hearthrug would naturally have been, +he would lie there, learning his task by the light of a fire, made from +the roots of decayed trees, which he had dug in a wood near Edinburgh, +and carried to his lodgings. + +Three Scotchmen, now occupying high positions, shared a room containing +one bed; and for a year at least, while attending Aberdeen University, +they had no other lodging. The bed was a very narrow one, and quite +incapable of holding two persons at once; so two worked while the other +slept, and when they went to bed, he rose. + +Two other students excited a great deal of curiosity for some time. One +carried his books before him just as if they had been a tray, while he +glided noiselessly to his place. This mystery was explained when it was +learned that he had been a hotel waiter. During the winter he pursued +his studies; and when summer returned, it found him, with serviette +across his arm, earning the necessary fees for his next winter's course +of study. + +He never could quite throw off the waiter. If a professor called his +name suddenly, he would start up and answer, "Coming, sir--coming!" + +The other was more mysterious still. As soon as recitation was over, he +would start away from the class-room and make for the environs of the +town as fast as he could run. It was at last discovered that he kept a +little book shop at some distance from the University, and, being too +poor to hire an assistant, had to close his door to customers while he +went to recite his lessons. + +Professor Blackie tells of one young student, who lived for a whole +session on red herrings and a barrel of potatoes, sent him from home. +The poor fellow's health so gave way under this meagre diet, that he +died before his course of study was finished. + +The learned Professor mentions also another very touching case of a +young student who fell a victim to his thirst for knowledge. The poor +fellow had so weakened his stomach by privation, that he died from +eating a good meal given him by a kind friend. + +I said just now that little work was done at the University of Oxford. +Exception must, however, be made in the case of the famous Balliol +College. + +But whom do we find there? + +This college is full of Scotch students, who succeed in keeping +themselves at Oxford, thanks to their frugality and industry. It is not +unfrequent to find them giving lessons to the undergraduates of other +colleges! + +And what lessons the Scotch can give the English! + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + Good old Times. -- A Trick. -- Untying Cravats. -- Bible and + Whisky. -- Evenings in Scotland. -- The Dining-room. -- Scots of + the Old School. -- Departure of the Whisky and Arrival of the + Bible. -- The Nightcap in Scotland. -- Five hours' Rest. -- The + Gong and its Effects. -- Fresh as Larks. -- Iron Stomachs. + + +Scotchmen still drink hard; but where are the joyous days when the +Scotch host broke the glasses off at the stem, so that his guests should +drink nothing but bumpers? + +Scotchmen still drink hard; but where are the good old times, when it +was thought a slight to your host to go to bed without the help of a +couple of servants? + +Scotchmen still drink hard; but where is the time when people +recommended a _protege_, who was a candidate for a vacant post, by +adding at the foot of his petition, "He is a trustworthy man--capable, +hard-working, and a fine drinker"? + +Lord Cockburn, who was a sober man, mentions how he was once dining in a +friend's house, and towards the end of the dinner was surprised to see +the number of guests around the table diminishing, although no one had +left the room. He set himself to solve the mystery, and soon discovered +that they had rolled under the table, one after the other. A bright idea +occurred to him. There was a bit of ground free near his feet; he would +secure it, and escape from the drink without drawing down on himself the +displeasure of his host. + +Feigning to be helplessly drunk, he slid under the table. + +Scarcely had he taken his place among the victims of this Scot's +hospitality, when he felt a pair of hands at his throat. + +"What is it?" asked he, alarmed. + +"All right, sir," said a voice at his ear; "I am the boy as looses the +cravats!" + +He submitted to the treatment, and then lay patiently waiting till the +servants came and carried him to bed. + +Scotchmen still drink hard; but where is the time when, about eleven in +the evening, the ladies of the house withdrew to their rooms and locked +themselves in, to escape from the drunken humours of the men who, the +next morning, would treat them with all the respect due to their sex? + +Yes, Scotchmen still drink hard; and if they only consecrated to Venus +half--nay, one tenth--of the time that they consecrate to Bacchus, +Scotchwomen would be the most envied women in the world. + +Donald is theological in his cups: that is to say, the Bible, which +every true Scot is full of, comes up as the whisky goes down; so that +when the said whisky has floated the Bible, the Scotchman begins to +discuss the most subtle biblical questions. + + * * * * * + +This is how the evening is passed in Scotland. + +Dinner is served about seven. After dessert, the ladies retire to the +drawing-room while the gentlemen finish their wine, smoke, and take +coffee. This done, they join the ladies in the drawing-room, where tea +is served, and an hour or so passed in conversation and music. At +eleven, the gentlemen return to the dining-room or go to the library. +Whisky and cigars are brought, and the fete begins. Several times, when +the master of the house beckoned to me to follow him from the +drawing-room, I tried to make him understand that I was very contented +in the company of the ladies; but it was useless. He would generally +take my arm and say: + +"Come along!" + +As who should say: + +"Enough of that; you are a man, are you not? Come and pass the evening +in manly fashion." + +There was nothing to do but follow. + +I pleaded all kinds of excuses to avoid this part of the entertainment. + +"The doctor has forbidden me to drink," I mildly suggested once or +twice, "or I should be very happy, I assure you." + +Occasionally I tried to bring to bear more serious reasons--business +reasons--such as: + +"Excuse me, I have to lecture almost every day, and I am a little afraid +for my voice." + +Much use this! Such an excuse came near rendering me ridiculous in the +eyes of those lusty Scots. They were ready to exclaim, + +"What milksops those Frenchmen are!" + +For the honour of the French flag, I would mix myself a glass of toddy; +and by just taking a sip every quarter of an hour, make it last out the +sitting, which seldom ended before two in the morning. + +By a little after midnight, the tongues seem to tire, and conversation +flags. At regular intervals come the solemn puff, puff, puff, from the +smokers' lips, and the long spiral columns of smoke float noiselessly +upwards. The faces grow long and solemn to match: it is the Bible rising +to the surface. Soon it floats--as I explained just now--and +conversation starts again on theology. Each has his own manner of +interpreting the Scriptures, and burns to explain it to his neighbour. +Then follow the subtlest arguments, the most interminable discussions. I +listen. If I have not many talents, I have at least one--that of being +able to hold my tongue in English, Scotch, and all imaginable languages. + +The whisky continues to pass from the bottle to the glasses, and from +the glasses to the throats of the company. The Bible comes up faster +than ever. When the guests are well emptied of theology, everyone takes +his nightcap--the signal for breaking up. The nightcap is generally the +little whisky left in the decanter; to do it honour, it is taken neat. +All get up, shake hands, and say Good-night. As you leave your host, you +ask him at what time breakfast is served, and he replies: + +"At eight." + +At eight! Can he mean it? Deducting the necessary time for undressing, +and for getting through your morning toilet, there remain scarcely five +hours for sleep. The thought that you must make haste and get to sleep, +in order to have a chance of being able to wake between seven and +half-past, is just enough to prevent you from closing your eyes for the +night. Thank goodness, your host, in his solicitude, has foreseen the +difficulty. At seven o'clock, a horrible din makes you start up in bed +and tremble from head to foot. It is a servant sounding the gong--a sort +of tam-tam of Chinese invention--which fills the house with a noise fit +to make you reproduce all the contortions that manufacturers of +porcelain attribute to the Celestials. You rise, and dress as fast as +you can. Your features look drawn; your head feels upside down; your +eyes seem coming out of your head; you have the hairache: but you +console yourself with the thought of the others. What will they be +like? What a figure they will cut at table! + +You were never more mistaken. In they come, the lusty rascals, looking +as bright as the lark. Nothing on their faces betray the libations of +over night, or the scanty measure of sleep they have been able to get. + +"What an iron race, these Scots!" I have often exclaimed to myself. "Who +could hope to compete with them?" + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + Religion and Churches in Scotland. -- Why Scotch Bishops cut a + poor Figure. -- Companies for insuring against the Accidents of + the Life to come. -- Religious Lecture-Rooms. -- No one can + serve two Masters. -- How the Gospel Camel was able to pass + through the Eye of a Needle. -- Incense and Common Sense. -- + I understand, therefore I believe. -- Conversions at Home. -- + Conversions in open Air. -- A modest Preacher. -- A well-filled + Week. -- Touching Piety. -- Donald recommends John Bull and + Paddy to the Lord. + + +Great Britain boasts two State Churches: the Anglican, or Episcopal, +Church in England and Wales, and the Presbyterian Church in Scotland. + +The Presbyterian Church is not under the jurisdiction of a bishop, but +of a General Assembly, composed of lay and ecclesiastical deputies +elected by the towns and universities, and presided over by a +Moderator, elected by the Assembly, and a Lord High Commissioner, +appointed every year by the Queen, and requited for this arduous task +with two thousand pounds. + +The Scotch Presbyterian Church was established in 1560; but the Stuarts +re-established the Episcopalian Church in 1662. The Revolution of 1688, +followed by the accession of the Prince of Orange to the throne of +England, made Presbyterianism flourish again, and its ministers still +receive emoluments from the State. + +The Episcopalian Church still exists in Scotland, governed by seven +bishops; but, by the irony of fate, she has become, as it were, a sort +of dissenting Church. + +Scotland has many Catholics. Two archbishops and four bishops watch over +the spiritual health of this flock. + +In 1843, many Scotchmen, having discovered that it was contrary to +Scripture to have ministers appointed by the State, founded the Free +Church, which at the present time rivals the Presbyterian in importance. + +The religious zeal of the Scotch may be judged from the fact that, in +the year of the separation, a sum of nearly L400,000 was contributed by +the faithful desirous of founding a Free Church. This Church has eleven +hundred pastors, receiving salaries of about L200 a year. Not less than +L560,000 were sent, in 1882, to the Chief Moderator, to help meet the +expenses of this free faith. + +Such are the large centres of religious activity. Besides these, there +are, as in England, nearly two hundred dissenting sects. + +You may imagine whether the Devil has a hard time of it in Scotland. + +All these spiritual insurance companies live in perfect harmony, and are +flourishing. + +It is only the Scotch bishops who cut a rather pitiable figure. To be a +lord bishop, and not to be able to lord it a little, is hard. When I was +in the North of Scotland, I saw one arrive at Buckie station, on his way +to inspect the church of the town. The clergyman had come to meet him. +They took the road to the vicarage, _pedibus cum jambis_, and my lord +bishop's gaiters attracted no more attention from the good Buckie folk +than did the ulster of your humble servant. + + * * * * * + +In Catholic countries, where religion exacts a life of sacrifice and +abnegation from its ministers, the priesthood is a vocation. In +Protestant countries, where religion imposes but few restrictions on +those who serve about the altar, the Church is a profession. + + * * * * * + +Scotch places of worship are much alike inside and out. Outside, the +roofs are more or less pointed; inside, the singing is more or less out +of tune. + +Let us go into the first we come to. + +Four whitewashed walls, with a ceiling to match, or a roof supported by +bare rafters; no pictures, no statues; just straight-backed benches, and +a high desk or pulpit: it is a lecture-room. Not a single outer sign of +fervour: no kneeling, no clasped hands, or other sign of supplication. +The faces are cross-looking and forbidding, or else apathetic. + +It is curious to reflect that these unmoved faces belong to people who +would die to defend their liberty of conscience. + +Drawling hymns, psalms and canticles sung in the twelve different +semi-tones of the chromatic scale; sermons full of theological +subtleties, objections raised and explained away. + +The preacher does not seek to appeal to the soul by eloquence, to the +heart by tenderness and grace, or to the taste by style. He addresses +himself to the reason alone. + +Some preachers read their sermons, some recite them, others give them +_ex tempore_. These latter are the most interesting. + +Here and there I heard sermons that were enough to send one to sleep on +one's feet; you can imagine the effect upon an audience who had to hear +them in a sitting posture. But Scotland has not the monopoly of this +kind of eloquence; from time immemorial it has been the custom of a +certain proportion of church-goers to shut their eyes to listen to the +sermon. + +Religion is still sterner in Scotland than in England. It is arid, like +the soil of the country; angular, like the bodies of the inhabitants; +thorny, like the national emblem of Scotland. + +One Sunday I went to a church in Glasgow. The preacher chose for his +text the passage from St. Matthew's Gospel commencing with "No man can +serve two masters," and ending "Ye cannot serve God and Mammon." + +About three thousand worshippers, careworn and devoured by the thirst +for lucre, listened unmoved to the diatribes of the worthy pastor, and +were preparing, by a day of rest, for the headlong race after wealth +that they were going to resume on the morrow. + +What a never-ending theme is the contempt for riches! What sermons in +the desert, preached by bishops with princely pay, or poor curates who +treat fortune as Master Reynard treated certain grapes that hung out of +reach. + +I was never more edified than on that Sunday in Glasgow, especially when +the assembly struck up-- + + "O Paradise, O Paradise! + 'Tis weary waiting here; + I long to be where Jesus is, + To feel, to see him near. + O Paradise, O Paradise! + I greatly long to see + The special place my dearest Lord + In love prepares for me!" + +"Ah! my dear Caledonians," thought I, seeing them in such a hurry, "it +is better to suffer, even in Glasgow, than to die!" + + _Mieux vaut souffrir que mourir + C'est la devise des hommes._ + +By the bye, dear reader, how do you like the expression _special place_? +Did I exaggerate when I told you the Scotch expect to find places +specially reserved for them in Heaven? + + * * * * * + +This is how I learned by experience never to enter into theological +discussions with the Scotch. + +I had been to morning service in an Edinburgh church with a Scotchman, +and there again had heard a sermon on the worthlessness of riches. The +minister had preached from the text, "And again I say unto you: it is +easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man +to enter into the kingdom of Heaven." + +In my innocence, or rather in my ignorance, I had always seen in these +words of our Lord a condemnation of riches--a condemnation without +appeal, and looked upon the man who sought to be rich, and the man who +did not scatter his wealth, as persons who willingly forfeited all +chance of entering Heaven. + +On leaving the church, my companion and I began to talk of the sermon. +The Scotch discuss a sermon on their way home from church, as we French +people discuss the merits of a new play that we have just seen at the +theatre. As we went along, I communicated my views to my friend. He +turned on me a glance full of compassion. + +"It is easy to see, my dear sir," he said, "that you have been brought +up in a religion that does not encourage discussion. The result is that +you swallow without resistance theories which would make our children +start with indignation. If Christ's phrase could be interpreted in your +fashion, it would be neither more nor less than an absurdity. He meant +to say that it was more difficult for a rich man than a poor one to be +saved, but not that it was impossible." + +"But," I began, "it is impossible for a camel to go through the eye of a +needle." + +Here my companion's smile became more sarcastic. I foresaw that his +explanation was going to stagger me, and so it did. + +"You seem to be in earnest," said he; "let me enlighten you. There +existed at Jerusalem, in our Saviour's time, a gateway called the +_Needle's Eye_. Although one of the principal entrances to the city, +this gateway was so narrow that a camel could only get through it with +difficulty. So Christ meant to say----" + +"Enough," I cried, "my ignorance is terrible. I never felt it so much as +at this moment." + +"You see," he added in a rather bantering tone, "in Scotch churches +there is no incense ... but there is common sense." + +Nothing mystic in the religion of the Scotch. The Old and New Testaments +are submitted to the finest sifting. Every passage is explained. They +are served up as an intellectual food. + +Here people do not see because they believe; they believe because they +see. Faith is based upon reason. + +It is easy to understand why the Scotchman, still more than the +Englishman, is common sense personified. + +You will see young fellows, scarcely come to manhood, meet together, and +discuss the most subtle questions of theology with all the earnestness +of doctors of divinity. + +It is a powerful school. Reason ripens in the open air of discussion. + + * * * * * + +Very practical this religion of the Scotch! + +I extract the following passage from the letter of a young Scotchman, +magistrate in India:-- + +"Time passes tolerably here. For that matter, we are too busy to be much +bored. Week follows week, and each is rather like the one that went +before; but all are well filled up. Last Monday, I condemned an Indian +to six months' imprisonment and held three inquests. On Tuesday, I +presided at a meeting called for the purpose of hearing the report of +the Zanana Missions. On Wednesday, I went to races and won L25. Everyone +had bet on Mignonne, who was backed at two to one; but seeing that the +ground was damp and slippery, I chose Phoebus, a heavier horse, backed +at ten to one. I was lucky in my choice. On Thursday, after the work of +the day, I went to see the Nautch girls dance. It is a little _risque_; +but I have often heard you say that a man should see everything, so as +to be able to judge between good and evil. There was a regatta on +Friday. I went in for one race, but only came in second. On Saturday, I +had to make out over a hundred summonses, and try several petty +offences. An uninteresting day. It is with a feeling of apprehension +that I always await Saturday. I have one more examination to pass before +I can sentence the natives to more than one year's imprisonment, and two +before I can send them to the gibbet. On Sunday, I read the lessons in +church. In the afternoon I addressed a congregation out of doors. They +seemed greatly impressed, and I count on several conversions." + +You must admit that this was a well-filled week. I thought the mixture +of sacred and profane quite delicious. + + * * * * * + +In Scotland, as in England, open-air services are very common. They are +conducted by good folks, not over afflicted with modesty, who believe +that they were chosen by Heaven to go and convert their fellow +creatures--would-be St. Paul's, operating in the Athens of the North, +and elsewhere. + +Following the advice of Horace, these apostles plunge straight into +their subject. They will attack you with the question, whether you are +not too fond of the things of this world? or else, whether you have made +your peace with God? + +The utter conceit of these amateur clergy is matchless. They are either +hypocrites of the worst stamp, or fanatics of the first water, "airing +their self-righteousness at the corners of the streets." The monotony of +their tunes, the commonplaces of their would-be sermons, their long +visages, and their grimaces as they pray--all this is the reverse of +attractive. + +I prefer the soldiers of the Salvation Army. They are rough, but they do +not banish cheerfulness from their services. They are lively, and break +the awful silence of the British Sabbath. Their services at first struck +everyone as blasphemous; but one gets used to everything in this +country. + +I must not pass over the open-air orator, who, to excuse his faults of +grammar, said to his hearers, of whom I was one: "My dear friends, I +have had no education, and I know very well I am not a gentleman; but +that does not prevent me from accepting the mission that I have received +from Heaven to come and preach the Gospel to you. Jesus Christ was not a +gentleman--He was a carpenter. The Apostles were not gentlemen +either--they were fishermen." + +Modest, is it not? + +There are Scots so sure of their salvation that they pray but to thank +God that they are not as other men are. These Christians, whom Burns has +named the _unco' guid_, are charitable: they pray for their neighbours. +There are, on the west of Scotland, two small islands inhabited by a +race whose piety is really touching. Every Sunday, in their churches, +they commend to God's care the poor inhabitants of the adjacent islands +of England, Scotland, and Ireland! + +They have their own future safety assured, and, in their charity, think +of their neighbours. + +Donald presenting Paddy and John Bull to the Lord! The scene is as +touching as it is amusing. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + Donald's Relations with the Divinity. -- Prayers and Sermons. -- + Signification of the Word "Receptivity." -- Requests and + Thanksgivings. -- "Repose in Peace." -- "Thou Excelledst them + all." -- Explanation of Miracles. -- Pulpit Advertisements. -- + Pictures of the Last Judgment. -- One of the Elect Belated. -- + An Urchin Preacher. -- A Considerate Beggar. + + +Donald is still more religious than John Bull--that is to say, he is +still more theological and church-going; but the fashion in which he +keeps up relations with the Divinity is very different. + +The Englishman entertains the Jewish notion of God--a Deity terrible +and avenging, whose very name strikes awe, and is not to be lightly +pronounced without drawing down celestial vengeance. + +The Scot has a way of treating his Creator very much as if He were the +next-door neighbour. He tells Him all his little needs, and will go so +far as to gently reproach Him if they are not supplied. + +If he has dined well, he is lavish in returning thanks to the Lord for +His infinite favours; his gratitude is boundless. If he has had a meagre +repast, he thanks Him for the least of His mercies. The thanks are not +omitted, but at the same time Donald gives the Lord to understand that +he has made a poor dinner. + +The following anecdote was told me in Scotland. The first part of it is +given by Dr. Ramsay in his _Reminiscences_, I find. As to the second, I +leave the responsibility of it to my host who related the story to me. +_Se non e vera, e ben trovata._ + +A Presbyterian minister had just cut his hay, and the weather not being +very propitious for making it, he knelt near his open window and +addressed to Heaven the following prayer: + +"O Lord, send us wind for the hay; no a rantin', tantin', tearin' wind, +but a noughin', soughin', winnin' wind...." + +His prayer was here interrupted by a puff of wind that made the panes +rattle, and scattered in all directions the papers lying on his table. + +The minister straightway got up and closed his window, exclaiming: + +"Now, Lord, that's ridik'lous!" + +If this ending of the anecdote is not authentic, I feel quite sure that +none but a Scotchman could have invented it. + +Donald's prayers are sermons, just as the sermons of his ministers are +prayers. + +In these daily litanies the Scotchman enters into the most trifling +details with careful forethought: the list of favours he has received, +and for which he has to return thanks; the list of the blessings he +wishes for, and will certainly receive, for God cannot refuse him +anything,--all this is present to his prodigious memory. He dots his +i's, as we say in France; and if by chance he should happen to employ a +rather far-fetched expression, he explains it to the Lord, so that there +shall be no danger of misunderstanding, no pretext for not according him +what he asks for--he corners Him. + +Thus I was one day present at evening prayers in a Scotch family, and +heard the master of the house, among a thousand other supplications, +make the following: + +"O Lord, give us receptivity; that is to say, O Lord, the power of +receiving impressions." + +The entire Scotch character is there. + +What forethought! what cleverness! what a business-like talent! To +explain to God the signification of the far-fetched word _receptivity_, +so that He should not be able to say: "There is a worthy Scotchman who +uses outlandish words; I do not know what it is he wants." + +Would not one think that this excellent Caledonian imagined that God had +been made in his image? + + * * * * * + +As gratitude is pretty generally everywhere--but especially in Great +Britain--a sense of favours to come, this same Scot, before making known +to the Lord the blessings which he expected from Him, had been careful +to thank Him for past favours. Here, too, he had been sublime. Judge for +yourself. + +With the lady who was his third wife in the room, he thus expressed +himself: + +"Lord, I thank Thee for the pleasure and the comfort that I derived from +the company of Jane" (his first wife); "I thank Thee also for the +pleasure and comfort that I derived from the company of Mary" (his +second wife). + +The third wife was there, at the other end of the table, silent and +solemn, apparently plunged in profound meditation, and thanking Heaven +for the pleasure and comfort that the society of Jane and Mary had given +her husband. + +When would her turn come to play her part in these thanksgivings? + +Her husband is but sixty-five, and I can assure you has no idea of going +yet. + +Another episode of the same kind came under my notice in a Catholic +family; but in this case the same Scotch characteristic showed itself +under a different form--a form suggested by belief in purgatory. + +Here, too, the master of the house was a widower remarried, but who had +only got as far as his second wife. Before this dutiful lady and the +rest of his family, which was composed of several big sons and three +grown-up daughters, he prayed for the repose of the soul of his first +wife, reminding the Lord, in case He should have forgotten it, what an +angel on earth this incomparable spouse had been. + +"Remember, O Lord," he cried, "how discreet, faithful, wise, careful, +and obedient she was!" + +This prayer, in my opinion, was meant to serve two ends, for the +Scotchman never loses sight of the practical side of things. While it +solicited the admission of the first wife into Paradise, it reminded the +second of her duty towards her husband and the virtues he expected of +her. + +Upstairs I saw that which confirmed me in my little theory. + +In the bedroom I occupied hung a portrait of Mrs. X. (No. 1). Underneath +the portrait a card, illuminated with a garland of roses and foliage, +and bearing the inscription "Rest in Peace," announced to the stranger +that the original was no longer of this world. + +One evening, on opening a drawer of the dressing-table, I beheld a card +exactly similar to that underneath the portrait, but with the +inscription: + + "Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excelledst them + all." + +There it was, all ready to replace the other card, should Mrs. X. (No. +2) cease to be "discreet, wise, careful, and obedient." I wonder if it +has seen the light yet! + + * * * * * + +No liturgy, no formulas for Donald, when he prays. He will not be +dictated to as to what he shall say. He knows his own wants, and +communicates them to his Maker without reserve or restraint. + +The Scotch tell of a Presbyterian minister, of the time of George III., +who used to officiate in a church in Edinburgh, and prayed for the Town +Council thus: + +"O Lord, have mercy on all fools and idiots, and the members of the Town +Council of Edinburgh." + +What a pity that in Paris churches it is not possible to put up a +similar petition! + +Here is a prayer of an old farmer who lived in the North of Scotland, +and was well known for his long and forcible addresses to Heaven. + +"We thank Thee, Lord, for Thy great goodness to Meg, and that it ever +cam into thy heid to tak' ony thocht o' sic a useless baw-waw as her. +For Thy mercy's sake, and for the sake o' Thy poor sinfu' servants that +are now addressin' Thee in their ain shilly-shally way, hae mercy on +Rob. Ye ken yersel' he is a wild, mischievous callant, and thinks nae +mair o' committing sin than a dog does o' lickin' a dish; but put Thy +hook in his nose, an' Thy bridle in his gab, an' gar him come back to +Thee with a jerk that he'll ne'er forget the langest day he has to +leeve. + +"We're a' like hawks, we're a' like snails, we're a' like sloggie +riddles: like hawks to do evil, like snails to do guid, and like sloggie +riddles that let through a' the guid and keep a' the bad. + +"Bring doon the tyrant and his lang neb, for he has done muckle ill the +year; gie him a cup o' Thy wraith, an' 'gin he winna tak that, gie him +_kelty_" (two cups, a double dose). + +The finest and most characteristic prayer that it has been my good luck +to come across is the following, which I have kept for a _bonne bouche_. +The good folks of Dumbarton used it in the year 1804, when the +inhabitants of Scotland firmly believed that Napoleon had resolved to +invade Great Britain: + +"Lord, bless this house and a' that's in this house, and a' within twa +miles ilka side this house. O bless the coo and the meal and the +kail-yard and the muckle toun o' Dumbarton. + +"O Lord, preserve us frae a' witches and warlocks, and a' lang nebbet +beasties that gang through the heather. + +"O build a strong dyke between us and the muckle French. Put a pair o' +branks about the neck of the French Emperor; gie me the helter in my ain +hand, that I may lead him about when I like: for Thy name's sake. Amen." + + * * * * * + +To this day you will hear, in any country church in Scotland, these +interminable litanies. It is the minister's work to watch over the +interests of his flock; he knows their wants and their wishes, and he +expresses them in his prayers. That does not prevent Donald from going +through the same process again at home; it is always well to know how to +conduct one's own affairs. + +Every Scot is a born preacher. Even his conversation has a certain smack +of the pulpit. By dint of preaching and listening to preachers, his +conversation gets a sermonising turn. + + * * * * * + +That familiarity with which Donald keeps up his relations with his +Maker--a familiarity which comes from the good-humoured frankness of the +Scotch character--shows itself above all in the ministers of the various +religious sects of the country. + +Thus a pastor of the Free Church, wishing to explain how Jesus had +performed a miracle in walking across the waves to join His disciples, +hit upon this forcible way of bringing it home to his hearers: + +"My dear brethren, to walk on the sea is a very wonderful thing: you +would find it just as difficult as to walk across this ceiling with your +head downwards." + +Another, wishing to illustrate how God is everywhere and sees +everything, told his congregation: + +"The Lord is like a moose in a dry stane dyke, aye keekin' out at us +frae holes and crannies, and we canna see Him." + + * * * * * + +The Scotch preachers of the old school knew how to recommend their +parishioners to the care of Heaven--and occasionally to the shop of a +friend. + +A Scotchman told me that he remembered to have heard, when a boy, a Free +Church minister thus express himself in the pulpit: + +"Lord, protect us from the cholera, at this time making such terrible +ravages in Glasgow; endow the doctors of this town with wisdom; give +them also health, especially to James Macpherson, who is getting old and +cannot afford to pay a substitute. And you, my dear friends, be prudent: +keep yourselves warm, that is the essential thing; wear flannel +clothing. If you have none at home, lose no time in going to Donald +Anderson. He has just received from London a large stock of the best +flannels, which he is selling very cheap. I bought some of him at a +shilling a yard, and I am perfectly satisfied with it. Donald Anderson +lives at 22 Lanark Street; don't go elsewhere." + +If the Englishman has, as I said elsewhere, knocked down to himself the +kingdom of Heaven, which he looks upon as a British possession, the +Scotchman has discerned to himself all the best places therein. + +A few months ago an amiable Scotchman offered me his hospitality in the +environs of Edinburgh. On entering my bedroom, I saw a picture of the +Last Judgment. It quite took my breath away, the sight of that picture. +And no wonder! At God's right hand came--first, John Knox; next, Robert +Burns and Sir Walter Scott; then an immense crowd of good folk, who, if +they had been in complete attire, would have had kilts and plaids; and +then next, but at some distance, John Wesley and a number of other +well-known English divines; and beyond them--no one. But that is not +all. On the left hand were a good sprinkling of popes, among people of +all sorts and conditions, but all foreigners. + +I called my host quickly. + +"Well," I said, "what have you been up to in this country? What! Without +giving anybody warning, without a 'by your leave,' you install +yourselves in the best seats to the exclusion of the poor outside world! +My dear sir, it looks to me as if, when all your Britannic subjects are +supplied with places, there will be room for no one else." + +It was enough to make a Frenchman cry, "Stop thief!" + +I was fain to console myself, however, with the thought that in France +we can draw pictures of the Last Judgment too, but with a decided +improvement on this arrangement of figures. To look for John Knox in +ours would be sheer waste of time. + +As to Robert Burns, who certainly was no saint, far from it, I do not +remember to have seen him, but I guarantee that he is to be found in the +midst of the angels, beside Beethoven, Shakespeare, Raphael, Victor +Hugo, and kindred spirits. + + * * * * * + +The following anecdote, told me in Scotland, will perhaps tend to prove +that even the libations of overnight do not hinder a true-born Scot from +believing himself in Paradise the following morning. + +Donald had imbibed whisky freely in the house of a friend, and towards +two in the morning set out for home, describing wonderful zigzags as he +went. + +It suddenly occurred to him, in one of those lucid moments which the +tipsiest man will occasionally have, that the cemetery of Kirkcaldy +formed a short cut to his house. He steered for the place, but had not +gone far when an open grave arrested his progress. He tried to jump, his +foot caught, he slipped, and the next moment was lying full length in +the improvised bed. Here he soon fell fast asleep. About six in the +morning the Kirkcaldy coach came speeding past, the coachman making the +air ring with a shrill trumpet blast. Donald awakes, rubs his eyes, and, +taking it to be the Last Trump calling the elect from their tombs, +arises awe-stricken. He looks around him. No one; not a soul! + +"Weel, weel," cries Donald; "weel, weel, this is a fery puir show for +Kirkcaldy!!!" + + * * * * * + +The French beggar accosts one with a "God bless you." If he is blind, he +plays the flute. The Scotch beggar's stock-in-trade is generally a +Bible. For a penny he will recite you a chapter; Old and New Testament +are equally familiar to him. If he is blind, he does the same as his +English _confrere_: he reads aloud from a Bible printed in raised +characters. + +Those who can get enough to invest in an organ or a _discordeon_ abandon +the Bible business, which is not lucrative. Besides, turning the handle +is easy work; whereas learning the Bible by heart demands study. + + * * * * * + +The beggar reciting the Bible to fill his pocket is very well; but he +does not come up to the preaching street arab. + +A learned professor at the University of Aberdeen told me, last +February, that he was one day accosted by a beggar-boy of about ten, who +asked him for a penny. + +"A penny! What are you going to do to earn it?" asked the professor. + +"Shall I sing?" replied the boy. + +"No." + +"Shall I dance?" + +"No." + +"Shall I preach?" + +The professor pulled out his penny without "asking for further change." + + * * * * * + +I cannot take leave of performing beggars without relating a little +incident that I was a witness of in Edinburgh: + +A beggar came up to me, asking for alms. + +"You have a violin there," I said to him; "but you do not play it. How +is that?" + +"Oh, sir!" he replied; "give me a penny, and don't make me play. I +assure you you won't regret it." + +I understood his delicacy, and to show him that I appreciated it +launched out my penny. + +"But," I added, "do you never use your violin?" + +"Yes, sir, sometimes," he said, lowering his voice, "as a threat." + +I lost my penny, but saved my ears. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + The Scotch Sabbath. -- The Saviour in the Cornfield. -- A good + Advertisement. -- Difference between the Inside and the Outside + of a Tramcar. -- How useful it is to be able to speak Scotch in + Scotland. -- Sermon and Lesson on Balistics at Edinburgh. -- If + you do Evil on the Sabbath, do it well. + + +The Lord's day is not called Sunday in Scotland, but the Sabbath, which +is more biblical. + +The Scotch Sabbath beats the English Sunday into fits. + +I thought, in my innocence, that the English Sunday was not to be +matched. + +Delusion on my part. + +How hope to give a description of the Scotch Sabbath? It is an +undertaking that might frighten a far more clever pen than mine. + +Happily, in this also, the Scotch anecdote comes to my rescue. + +Here is one, to begin with, which will show once more how difficult it +is to trip up a Scotchman. Nothing is sacred for him when he wants to +get himself out of a difficulty. + +A Free Kirk minister met a member of his congregation, and thus +addressed her: + +"Mary, I am glad to have met you; for I have something on my mind that +I have been anxious to speak to you of for a long while. I have +heard--but it surely cannot be--I have heard that you sometimes go for a +walk on the blessed Sabbath." + +"Ay, meenister, it is quite true; but I read in the Bible that Our Lord +walked through the cornfields on the Sabbath day." + +"I do not deny it," replied the good man, a little disconcerted; "but," +he added, recovering his self-possession, "let me tell you that if the +Saviour did take a walk on the Sabbath, I dinna think the more of Him +for 't." + + * * * * * + +I one day read, in an Edinburgh paper, the following letter, addressed +to the editor of the paper by a Scotch minister. This minister had been +accused by his antagonist of having been seen taking a walk through one +of the parks on the Sabbath. + +What an advertisement that letter was! + +This is how it ran: + + "Certain malevolent and unscrupulous persons have dared to set + afloat the rumour that I was seen in the Queen's Park on the + Sabbath. I utterly deny the accusation. I never take walks on the + Sabbath. Allow me also to add that, though by going through the park + I should considerably shorten the walk from my house to the church, + I avoid doing so. Let my enemies watch me, if they feel inclined, + and they will see that I go round." + +It seems impossible to beat that; but what do you think of the +following, which at all events runs it close? + +The little scene happened at Edinburgh one Sunday. + +My host and I were going to hear a preacher at some distance from the +centre of the town. + +In Princes Street we hailed an omnibus. + +I, in my simplicity, prepared to mount on the top, when I felt someone +pulling at my coat-tails. It was my companion, who was going inside, and +who made a sign to me to follow. + +"What! you ride inside on such a lovely day!" I exclaimed, taking my +seat at his side. + +"On week-days it is all very well to go outside, but on the Sabbath the +interior is more respectable." + +The following little anecdote, which was told me in the north of +Scotland, proves that the Highlander knows how to reconcile his scruples +with his interests, even on the Holy Sabbath day: + +My friend, walking one day in the neighbourhood of Braemar, all at once +perceived that he had lost his way. + +Meeting a peasant, he asked him to put him on the right track. + +"Eh!" said the rustic, "you are breaking the Sawbath, and you are served +richt. The Lord is punishin' ye...." + +This little sermon bid fair to last some time. My friend slipped a +shilling into the peasant's hand. + +The effect was magical. + +"Straight on till ye come to the crossroads, then the second turnin' to +the richt, and there ye are." + +There is nothing like knowing how to speak Scotch when you go to +Scotland. + + * * * * * + +Yet, the real old Scotch Sabbath is almost passing away. + +Some lament it, others rejoice at it; but all the Scotch admit that +their forefathers would be horrified at the things that pass in these +days. + +And indeed things must have greatly changed. + +Now there are those who take walks on the Sabbath. What do I say, walks? +There are those who ride velocipedes--Heaven forgive them! There are to +be seen--no offence to my worthy host--there are to be seen poor +harmless folk degenerate enough to go and sniff the fresh air on the top +of an omnibus. They are not the _unco' guid_, but still they are Scotch. + +Where is the time when Scotch cooks refused to use a roasting-jack on +Sunday because it worked and made a noise? + +Where is the time when a Scotchman almost found fault with his hens for +laying eggs on the Sabbath? + +Where are the days when Donald considered it shocking to introduce music +into divine service? + +The following little scene, of which I was a witness, proved to me that +in the Scotchman the practical spirit is bound to assert itself. No +matter whether it is Sunday: if he does evil on the Sabbath, he must do +it well. + +It was one Sunday afternoon in Edinburgh. + +Several children were amusing themselves (_proh pudor!_), in a corner of +Calton Hill Park, by piling up a heap of stones. + +When the heap was a few inches high, the children retreated two or three +yards and, each armed with a stone, began to try and knock down their +little construction. + +Up came a gentleman, indignant. + +"Little scamps!" he began, "are you not ashamed of yourselves? Don't you +know you are breaking the Sabbath?" + +This impressive exhortation produced small effect upon the little arabs, +who went on aiming at the heap, but without success, however. + +By the movements of the man every time a stone missed its aim, I could +see that if the worthy Scot was indignant at the scandalous conduct of +the boys, their awkwardness inspired him with the most profound +contempt. + +Stone followed stone, but the heap remained intact. + +The Scotchman could bear it no longer. + +"Duffers!" he cried. + +And picking up a stone, he aimed it at the heap, scattering it in all +directions; then, with a last pitying glance at the young admiring +troop, quietly resumed his walk. + +_Scotch moral._--Don't play at knocking down stones on the blessed +Sabbath, it is a sin; however, if you do not fear to commit this sin, +knock down the stones. Don't miss your aim, it is a crime. + + * * * * * + +This practical spirit shows itself on Sundays in many of the large towns +in Great Britain. + +In London, for instance, certain tramway companies double the tram-fares +on Sundays. The Pharisees at the head of these companies say to +themselves: + +"We commit a sin in working on Sundays; let the sin be at least a +remunerative one." + +In France, our public gardens, such as the _Jardin d'Acclimation_ and +many others, reduce the price of admission on Sundays, in order to allow +the working-people and their children to take a day of cheap and +healthful recreation. + +For a penny, I can any day of the week get taken by tram close to the +magnificent Kew Gardens. The poor workman, who would like to go there on +Sunday, is obliged to pay twopence to the company--one penny for his +place, and another to appease the consciences of the shareholders. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + Scotch Bonhomie. -- Humour and Quick-Wittedness. -- + Reminiscences of a Lecturer. -- How the Author was once + taken for an Englishman. + + +It seems strange that in this country, so religious as it is, most of +the anecdotes which the people are fond of relating should refer to +religion, and that the hero of them should generally be the minister. +All that joking at the Scriptures, that parodying of the Bible, those +little comic scenes at the poor minister's expense, seem at first sight +to be in direct opposition with the national character. It is nothing of +the kind, however. These anecdotes, which after all have in reality +nothing irreverent in them, prove but one thing to us, and that is, that +the Scotch are steeped over head and ears in Bible, and are not sorry to +get a laugh out of it now and then: it does them good, it is a little +relief to them, and--if I may believe Dean Ramsay, the great authority +on Scotch anecdotes--the ministers are the first to set the example. + +Those anecdotes, I repeat, are not irreverent: I have heard them told by +Scotchmen who would not think of shaving on a Sunday for fear of giving +the cook extra work to boil water early. (And do not smile if I add that +in the evening, after supper, there was hot water on the table for the +_toddy_. At that hour the water had had time to boil without occasioning +any extra labour. At all events, this is how I accounted for the +phenomenon.) + +Their anecdotes, in a word, prove that the Scotch see a subtle, pithy +point more easily than the English, whatever these latter may say, and +that they are not so intolerant in matters religious as they are often +represented to be. + +The further north you go in Great Britain, the more quick-wittedness and +humour you find. For quickness in seizing the signification of a +gesture, a glance, a tone, I do not hesitate, if my opinion have the +slightest value, to give the palm to the Scotch. + +When, for instance, in lecturing, I remind my audience that the English +have given the British Isles the name of "_United_ Kingdom," the Scotch +shake with laughter: the little point of sarcasm does not escape their +intelligence. In England, I am generally obliged to pause on it and give +them time to reflect; and once or twice, in the south, I was seized with +a great temptation to cry out, _a la_ Mark Twain, "Ladies and gentlemen, +this is a joke." + +I have found all my audiences sympathetic and indulgent; but that which +provokes a laugh in the north, often leaves the south indifferent. In +Birmingham, Yorkshire, Lancashire, in all these great centres of British +activity, and in Scotland, that which is appreciated in a humorous +lecture is a bit of covert satire--a pleasantry accompanied by an +imperturble look: the kind of fun that the English themselves call "dry +and quiet." In the south, you often regret to see that a broad joke +brings you a roar of applause; while some of your pet points, those that +you are proudest of, will pass almost unnoticed. + +Let me give you an idea of that which the lecturer has to swallow +sometimes. + +In a room, a few miles out of London, I had just given a lecture to the +members of a literary Society. + +In this lecture, wishing to show to my audience that enlightened and +intelligent French people know how to appreciate British virtues, I had +recited almost in its entirety that scene in the _Prise de Pekin_, in +which the hero, a _Times_ correspondent, walks to execution with a firm +step, defying the Emperor of China and his mandarins with the words, "La +Hangleterre il etait le premiere nation du monde." + +The lecture over, I had retired with the chairman to the committee-room. +Immediately after, a lady presented herself at the door and asked the +chairman to introduce me to her. + +After the usual salutations and compliments, the worthy lady said to me +pointblank: + +"You are not a Frenchman; I knew you were an Englishman." + +"I am afraid the compliment is a little exaggerated," I responded; +"certainly you cannot make me believe that I speak English so well as +to pass for an Englishman." + +"Oh! that is not it," she said; "but at the end of your lecture you gave +us a French quotation with a very strong English accent." + +I begged the lady to excuse me, as "I had a train to catch." + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + Drollery of Scotch Phraseology. -- A Scotchman who Lost his + Head. -- Two Severe Wounds. -- Premature Death. -- A Neat + Comparison. -- Cold Comfort. + + +I have spoken in a preceding chapter of the picturesque manner in which +the Scotch people of the old school express themselves. Here are two or +three examples which will well illustrate what I mean. + +I one day made the acquaintance of an old Scotch soldier. He had been +present at the battle of Waterloo, and was fond of talking about the +Napoleonic wars. + +I started his favourite topic. + +He described the battle of Waterloo to me with the most remarkable +clearness. It was even touching to hear him give the details of the +death of one of his comrades whose head had been shot off by a +cannon-ball. + +"Poor fellow," he added, "he will have to appear at the Last Day with +his head under his arm." + +"Were you ever wounded, yourself?" I asked. + +"Yes," replied the old Scot with an imperturbable seriousness which made +it impossible to suppose that he intended a joke; "I received two +wounds--one at Quatre-Bras and the other in the right leg." + +I once had a long conversation with an old lady of eighty-two, whose +grandfather had served, in his youth, under Bonnie Prince Charlie. She +related to me all the wonderful adventures of her ancestor, and when she +had come to the end, added, with a gravity that was sublime: + +"He's deed noo." + +The conversation of these Scots of the old school is full of surprises. +You must be ready for anything. In the very middle of the most pathetic +story, out will come a remark that will make you shake with laughter. +This drollery has all the more hold over you, because it is natural. The +Scot is too natural to aim at being amusing, and it is just this +simplicity, this _naturalness_, which disarms and overcomes you. + +Donald has a way of looking at things which gives his remarks a piquancy +that is irresistible: it almost takes your breath away sometimes, you +feel quite floored. + +A Scotch pastor was trying to give a farmer of his parish an idea of the +delights which await us in Paradise. + +"Yes, Donald," he cried, "it is a perpetual concert. There's Raphael +singing, Gabriel accompanying him on the harp, and all the angels +flapping their wings to express their joy. Oh, Donald, what a sublime +sight! You cannot imagine anything like it." + +"Ay, ay, but I can," interrupted Donald. "It is just like the geese flap +their wings when we have had a lang droot, an' they see the rain a +comin'." + +In making this remark, nothing is further from Donald's intention than +to make a joke, or be irreverent. He says it in all seriousness. It is +in this that a great charm of the Scotch phraseology lies. + +A friend of mine told me that he was once walking through a churchyard +with a Scotchman, and feeling a fit of sneezing coming on, he remarked +to his companion that he feared he had taken a cold. + +"That's bad," replied the Scotchman, "but there's mony a ane here who +wad be glad o 't." + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + Family Life -- "Can I assist you?" -- "No, I will assist myself, + thank you." -- Hospitality in good Society. -- The Friends of + Friends are Friends. -- When the Visitors come to an End there + are more to follow. -- Good Society. -- Women. -- Men. -- + Conversation in Scotland. -- A Touching little Scene. + + +The hospitality of the Scotch, the simplicity of their manners, and the +authority which the father wields, give Scotch family life quite a +patriarchal aspect. + +The existence which the Scotch lead is a little morose in its austerity, +but it becomes these cool, calm people, brought up in a religion that is +the enemy of joyousness, and in a climate that induces sadness. Gaiety +is produced by an agreeable sense of existence; it is the reflection of +a generous sun in temperate climates. + +Austerity banishes familiarity from family life and engenders +constraint. I have seen Scotch homes where laughter is considered +ill-bred, and the joyous shouts of children are repressed. I felt ill at +ease there; that reserve inspired by an overdrawn sense of propriety +paralysed my tongue, and I could only answer in monosyllables the +monosyllabic remarks of my host and hostess. Happily nothing more +elaborate was expected of me. + +"Is this your first visit to Scotland?" + +"No, I have had the pleasure of visiting Scotland several times." + +"Our country must seem very dull to you after France." + +"A little ... but I live in England." + +"Which do you like best, England or Scotland?" + +"Oh! Scotland, certainly." + +"It is very cold to-day." + +"Yes, but not colder than usual." + +Heaven be thanked! dinner is announced, and I offer my arm to the lady +of the house. + +It is a family dinner. My host has before him a fine joint of beef, +there are two chicken in front of my hostess, and I am placed opposite a +boiled ham. A pair of carvers, laid with my cover, tell me that I shall +have to carve the ham which is here eaten with the chicken. The idea is +excellent; but all at once, down go the heads almost to the tablecloth. +My host looks at the chicken, at the ham, and lastly at the ribs of +beef. His face clouds and, bending over the beef, he growls a few +inarticulate words at it. It is not, as Mark Twain would say, that there +is anything the matter with it, Scotch beef is the best in the world. +These words, that I was unable to catch the sense of, were meant to +invoke the blessing of Heaven on the repast: it was Grace before meat. +Very right. I like the idea of thanking Heaven for its favours, but why +the frown? + +A servant stands behind his master's chair, another behind my hostess. + +My host arms himself with his carving knife and fork and, without +relaxing a muscle of his face, says to me: + +"Can I assist you to a little beef?" + +"No, thank you, I think I will take a little chicken." + +"Can I assist you, my dear?" he said looking at his wife. + +"No, thank you, I will assist myself," replies that lady. + +"May I assist you to a slice of ham?" I ask, seeing her put the wing of +a chicken on her plate. + +"A very small piece, please." + +When everyone is _assisted_, conversation resumes its little +monosyllabic jog-trot, until the arrival of the puddings and sweets, +when each of us again begins to propose to assist the other, and to +think "We will take a little of this or that." + +The sensation of needles and pins in your legs, the phraseology that +consists in expressing one's thoughts by _I think I will take a little +tart, I do not think I will take any cheese, very little of this, a very +small piece of that_, when one feels hungry, those few moments of solemn +suspense during which the company look at one another waiting for the +hostess to rise--all these things give you cold shivers. + +At last the ladies withdraw, the men are left to themselves, and you +feel a little less restrained. + +I had already been present at many little scenes of this kind in +England, not in high society where one finds much ease and liveliness, +but in a few middle-class houses among straight-laced people. The little +scene which I have attempted to describe passed in a country mansion. +Yet I cannot enumerate all the delicate attentions with which those kind +Scotch people surrounded me during my short stay among them. In most of +the Scotch houses where I had the honour of being entertained, I found a +generous and considerate hospitality, a hospitality which was all the +more agreeable for not being overpowering. No fuss, no noise, no +frivolous politeness. On my arrival the master of the house explained to +me the geography of his habitation. + +"This is the smoking-room, this the library, here is the drawing-room, +and there is your bedroom. And now, my dear sir, be at home, or get +home." + +That is the best kind of hospitality. The Scotchman puts all the +resources of his house at your disposition and, in a really hospitable +spirit, leaves you to use them according to your taste. + +Several families I know of keep open house all the year round. The +friends of friends are friends, and are always well received no matter +at what hour they may make their appearance. Some will arrive in time +for dinner, play a game of billiards and retire. At the breakfast +table, the mistress of the house enquires of her husband how many guests +he has, and he often finds it very difficult to answer her question. + +I was very much amused one Sunday morning in one of these houses. The +breakfast was on the table from nine to half-past twelve. The guests +took as much sleep as they liked and came down when they pleased. When I +thought they were all down there were more to come. They helped +themselves to tea or coffee, and having boiled an egg over the fire, set +down comfortably to their breakfast. Some had gone to church, others to +the library to smoke, or to the park to take the air. Two only turned up +at two o'clock to luncheon. I should not wonder if one or two stayed in +bed all day, for I think I remember that, at dinner-time, I saw a face +or two that looked to me like fresh acquaintances. + + * * * * * + +Good society is the same everywhere--like hotels, as Edmond About said. +It is only a question of more or less manners in the first, and more or +less fleas in the second. + +In Scotland fleas are rare. They would starve on the skin of the Scotch +men and are too well-mannered to attack that of the Scotch ladies. + +As to good society it is no exception to the rule here. + +To study the manners of the Scotch, as well as to study the manners of +any other nation, you must mix with the middle classes, with the people +above all, for they are the real repository of the traditions of the +country. You must travel third-class; there is nothing to be learnt in +first. For that matter, there is nothing alarming about that in +Scotland, their third-class carriages are superior to our French +seconds. + + * * * * * + +The Scotchwoman is pretty. + +She has not the sparkling, piquant physiognomy of the Frenchwoman; she +has not the beautiful clear grey eyes--those eyes so dreamy and +tender--of the Irishwoman. But she looks more simple and reserved than +her English sisters, although her manner is just as frank. + +I have often admired Scotchwomen of a pronounced Celtic type. They have +large eyes, dark and well shaped, with long lashes; their features are +admirably regular, they are generally rather under middle height, with +broad shoulders and perfectly proportioned sculptural lines. + +Red hair is common in Scotland. One sees more of it in Edinburgh and +Glasgow than in the whole of England; but the skin is so fine, the +features are so delicate, the complexion so clear, that the little +defect passes unperceived or forgiven. + +The men are hard and sinewy. + +In point of appearance I prefer the English and Irish men. Scotchmen are +well fitted for the battle of life. They are useful to their country but +hardly ornamental. + +The Scotchman is absorbed in business. In his leisure moments he goes +into politics or theology; he studies or takes outdoor exercise. He has +little time to consecrate to women. He prefers the company of men. + +The women are timid, the men reserved, and if you feel ready to +undertake the burden of the conversation, you will be listened to in +Scotland; but I cannot guarantee that you will be appreciated. Your +words are criticised, examined, and sifted, and when you flatter +yourself with the sweet thought that you have given your host a high +idea of your conversational powers, you will often only have succeeded +in making a fool of yourself in their eyes. + +Never try to entertain the Scotch. Rather hear what they have to say. +Reply to their questions; but if you would inspire them with respect, be +sober in your speech, and above all avoid dogmatising. Leave the door of +discussion always open, so that each member of the company may enter +easily. Many Frenchmen have the bad habit of dogmatising, as if their +verdicts were without appeal. This habit is an outcome of our frank, +impulsive character; but the Scotch would be slow in appreciating it. + +When a Scotchman asked me--which he invariably did--what were my +political opinions, I answered him that a monarchy has its good points, +and a republic has incontestable advantages. That allowed each one to +express himself freely upon the two forms of government, and instead of +entertaining them, I listened, which was infinitely more prudent, and +perhaps also more profitable for me. + + * * * * * + +I have several times been a witness of very touching little scenes in +Scotland, which proved to me that there are hearts of gold to be found +under the rough surfaces of Scotchmen. + +Here is one among many; it is a reminiscence of my visit in a country +seat not far from Edinburgh. + +"I want to introduce you to an old lady, who wishes very much to make +your acquaintance," said my host to me one day. + +"Who is the lady?" I asked. + +"It is an old servant who has been in the family more than eighty years. +It was she who brought up my father, myself, and my children. She is +ninety-eight years old to-day, and with our care we hope to see her live +to a hundred." + +We went upstairs, and on the third floor we entered a little suite of +apartments, consisting of two most comfortable rooms, a bedroom and a +little parlour. There we found the _old lady_, sitting in an arm-chair, +and having a chat with one of the young ladies of the house. + +"Janet," said my host, "I bring you our friend who wishes to present his +respects to you." + +"I am no as active as I was," said the good old soul to me, "but I am +wonderfu' weel for my age. I shall soon be a hundred years of age." + +"Nonsense," said my host kissing his old nurse, "who told you that? You +have forgotten how to count, Janet; don't get absurd ideas into your +head." + +"We never leave her alone," he said to me; "my wife and daughters take +it in turn to pass the day with her and amuse her. They bring their +needlework and help poor old Janet to forget time." + +I looked around me. The walls were covered with drawings and a thousand +ornaments that only the heart of woman knows how to invent. Never a good +dish came on the table without Janet having her share. At night all the +family met in her little parlour for prayers and Bible reading. + +I shook hands with the old servant and went away greatly touched. + +"She is no longer a servant," said my host to me; "she has property, and +all the household call her _the old lady_. She will be buried with us. I +have already seen to the carrying out of her wishes on this subject. She +wants to lie at the feet of the family, and has begged to have her grave +made across the foot of ours. So I have bought a piece of ground next to +our vault, and Janet's desire is to be carried out. We hope to keep her +many years yet; we shall all miss her when she is gone." + +All this was said without apparent emotion, without the least +ostentation. + +"Well," I said to myself, "in Scotland more than anywhere one must not +judge people by their exterior." + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + Little Sketches of Family Life in Scotland. -- The Scotchman of + "John Bull and his Island." -- Painful Explanations. -- As a + Father I love you, as a Customer I take you in. -- A Good + Investment. -- Killing two Birds with one Stone. -- A Young Man + in a Hurry. + + +What letters of recrimination I received on the subject of a certain +Scotchman presented to the readers of _John Bull and His Island_! What +downpours! + +Some accused me of caricaturing, some of imposture. Others, with more +delicacy, hinted that I should do better at novel writing than at +_impressions de voyage_. + +For a month my letter-box was besieged, and at each _rat-tat_ of the +postman I used to say to myself: "One more indignant Scotchman." + +After all, what had I done to draw down such thunders? + +Here is the offending passage: + +"A young literary Scotchman of my acquaintance generally passes a month +once a year in the house of his father on the outskirts of Edinburgh. +His father is a Presbyterian minister in a very enviable position. On +the day of his departure, my friend invariably finds beside his plate at +breakfast, a little paper carefully folded: it is the detailed account +of the repasts he has taken during his stay under the paternal roof; in +other words, his bill." + +I never pretended to say that this kind of father was common in +Scotland. I did not say I knew of two such fathers, I said I knew of +one. + +The Scotch have not yet digested my delicious Papa. In all parts of +Scotland I was taken to task in the same manner. + +"Come, come, my dear sir, own that it was not true, confess that it was +a little bit of your own invention." + +"His name, what is his name?" cried a few indiscreet ones. + +I convinced a few, a few remained undecided; I even saw two or three go +away still firmly believing the story was a creation of my brain. + +I can only say that my friend did not appear to grumble at his father's +treatment, for he finished by adding: + +"On the whole, I do not complain, the bill is always very reasonable." + +For that matter, I have come across a better case still. + +I know of a Scotch father who bought a house for a thousand pounds and +sold it to his son, six months later, for twelve hundred. + +That is not all. + +The son had not the money in hand, and it was the father who advanced +the cash--at five per cent. + +Considering the price money is at nowadays, it was an investment to be +proud of. + +Do not imagine that the father ran the least risk of losing the capital: +he took a mortgage on the house. + +The son, seeing that the money had been advanced to him at high +interest, paid off his father as quickly as he could. He is now his own +landlord, and Papa is on the look-out for another good investment. + +I should pity the reader, even were he a Scotchman as seen through +Sydney Smith's spectacles, if he took this Caledonian for a typical +portrait of the Scotch father. + +At the beginning of this volume, I compared the Scot to the Norman, and +I may say that I have witnessed, in Normandy, little scenes of family +life which are quite a match for those I have just described. But the +actors in them were peasants. + + * * * * * + +I am indebted to a doctor in the neighbourhood of Aberdeen for the +following anecdote: + +"I was one day called to the bedside of an old farmer who was +dangerously ill," said the doctor to me. "On leaving the patient's +room, I took his son aside and told him that it was useless for me to +deceive him as to the state of his father, and that I very much feared +he had not an hour to live, or, at the best, could not outlast the day." + +"'Are you quite sure?' said the son, scrutinising me keenly. + +"'I am only too sure,' I replied. + +"I shook the young man's hands and drove away. I had scarcely been at +home an hour, when a little cart drew up before my door. I saw the young +farmer alight from it and, a minute later, he entered my consulting +room. He held his cap in his hand, twisting it uneasily. + +"'Is your father worse?' I asked. + +"'No, doctor, just the same. I have come, because I had a little +business in town ... and I wanted to ask you at the same time.... Well, +I thought that perhaps you wouldn't mind giving me Father's certificate +of death now.... As you say it is certain he won't pull through the day, +I suppose you don't mind whether it is to-day or to-morrow that you give +it me, and it will save me the trouble of coming in again on purpose.' + +"It was all I could do to make the young fellow understand that I could +not sign the certificate of death of a man who was still alive. + +"The old farmer died next morning at nine o'clock. + +"At ten, the son came to announce the news and to ask me for the +certificate." + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + Matrimonial Ceremonies. -- Sweethearts. -- "Un Serrement de main + vaut dix serments de bouche." -- "Jack's kisses were nicer than + that." -- A Platonic Lover. -- "Excuse me, I'm married." -- A + wicked Trick. + + +In Scotland, matrimonial ceremonies are as simple as they are practical. +No priest, no mayor brought into requisition; you take God and your +friends to witness. You present your choice to these latter, and say: "I +take Mary for my wife." The girl on her part says: "I take Donald for my +husband," and there is an end of the matter. I need not say that you can +go to Church if you prefer it. + +Elementary as the ceremony is, the Scotchman holds it none the less +sacred for that. It is not without long reflection that he enters into +the holy estate; and the law, which knows the sagacity and constancy of +the Scot, has not hesitated to sanction such alliances. + +This matrimony made easy in nowise lures the Scot into rushing at it +headlong. Young couples sometimes remain engaged for years before they +think of taking the great step. This is often because the man's +resources are not sufficient for housekeeping, but oftener still because +the young people want to know each other thoroughly. + +I appreciate their prudence in the first case as much as I blame it in +the second. + +How can two affianced people know each other, even if for years they try +ever so hard? + +Love easily lives on trifles, flirtation, sentimental walks, _billets +doux_, and so on. The sky is serene, the lovers sail on a smooth sea. +How can they know if they are really good sailors before they have +encountered a storm? + +When cares or misfortunes come, to say nothing of the price of butter +and the length of the butcher's bill, then they make acquaintance. True +love resists these shocks and comes out triumphant, but the _other_ kind +succumbs. + +Let lovers see each other every week, every day, if you will, their main +pastime is the repetition of their vows: they learn nothing of married +life. The apprenticeship has to begin all over again the day after the +wedding. Lovers may see each other every day, it is true, but _every +day_ is not _all day_. Lovers are always on their guard; they put a +bridle on their tongues; before they meet, they are careful to look in +the glass and see that nothing is amiss with their toilet; but when they +are one each side of the bedroom fireplace, he in slippers and +smoking-cap and she in curl-papers, then comes the test. + +Familiarity breeds contempt, says the English proverb. The love that is +not based on deep-rooted friendship, on solid virtues, on an amiable +philosophy, and careful diplomacy, will not survive two years of +matrimonial life. Scarcely any of these things are called into +requisition during the courtship, and this is how _mariages de +convenance_ often turn out better than love-matches. Matrimony is a huge +lottery in both cases. + +I prefer the love-making and matrimonial processes of England and +Scotland to our own French ones; but if I had a marriageable daughter, I +should be sorry to see her give her heart to a man who could not marry +her for several years. + +The danger with long engagements is that they often do not end in +matrimony, and in such a case a young girl's future is blighted. + +I do not know if you are of my opinion, dear Reader, but, according to +my taste, making love to a girl who has been engaged five or six years, +is like sitting down to a dish of _rechauffe_. Seeing the liberty that +British usage accords to engaged couples, I maintain that pure as the +lady may be and is, she is none the less a flower that has been breathed +upon and has lost some of its value. For my part, I should always be +afraid to give her a kiss, for fear she should pout and seem to say: + +"Jack's kisses were far nicer than that!" + + * * * * * + +I extract the following anecdote from the Memoirs of Doctor John Brown, +a well-known Scotch divine. + +The doctor, it appears, had for six years and a half been engaged to be +married to a certain lady, when it occurred to him that matters were no +further advanced than on the day when he had asked her for her heart and +its dependencies. The position became intolerable: the doctor had not +yet ventured on anything less ceremonious than shaking hands with his +lady-love. To touch her hand was something, and perhaps the reverend +gentleman thought, with our French poet: + + _Ce gage d'amitie plus qu'un autre me touche: + Un serrement de main vaut dix serments de bouche._ + +However, one day, he summoned up all his courage, and, as they sat in +solemn silence, said suddenly: + +"Janet, we've been acquainted noo six years an' mair, and I've ne'er +gotten a kiss yet. D' ye think I might take one, my bonnie lass?" + +"What, noo, at once?" cried Janet rather taken by surprise. + +"Yes, noo." + +"Just as you like, John; only be becoming and proper wi' it." + +"Surely, Janet, and we'll ask a blessing first," said the young doctor. + +The blessing was asked, the kiss was taken, and the worthy divine, +perfectly overcome with the blissful sensation, rapturously exclaimed: + +"Eh, lass, but it is guid. We'll return thanks." + +This they did, and the biographer adds that, six months later, this +pious couple were made one flesh and lived a long life of happy +usefulness. + +The following little scene, of which a friend was witness in Scotland, +will show that if Scotch people in general can see through a joke, there +are also a few who belong to the type described by Sydney Smith, and for +whom the _surgical operation_ is a sad necessity. + +Several persons had met together in a Scotch drawing-room, and were +passing the evening in playing at simple games. One of these games +consisted in each person going out of the room in turn, while the +company agreed upon a word to be guessed at by the absent member on his +or her return. + +A young lady had just gone out of the room. + +During her absence the word _passionately_ was chosen. + +The young lady having been recalled, each member of the party in turn +went through a little performance that should lead her to guess the +word, addressing her in passionate language, while expressing with the +features as much love, despair, or anger, as possible. + +A Scotchman, who looked ill at ease, whispered in my friend's ear: + +"What must I do?" + +"Try to look madly in love," said my friend, ready to burst out laughing +at the sight of the long serious face of his neighbour. + +"Couldn't you suggest me something to say?" + +"Why, make the young lady a declaration of love. Say: 'It is useless to +hide my feelings from you any longer; I love you, I adore you,' and +then throw yourself at her feet and----" + +"Excuse me," said the poor fellow quite upset, "but I'm married." + +When the young lady came to him, he begged her politely to excuse him, +and thought himself safe; unhappily he was not at the end of his +troubles yet. + +My friend, whose turn came next, threw himself on his knees, and, with +haggard eyes and ruffled hair, thus addressed her: + +"Dear young lady, this gentleman, whom you see at my side, is nervous +and shy; he loves you and dares not to tell his love." + +"But, excuse me," cried the Scotchman. + +"Listen not to him, he is dying of love. If you do not return his flame, +I know him, he will do something desperate. Have pity on him, dear lady, +have pity." + +"_Passionately!_" cried the young girl. + +The worthy Scot, who had not been able to screw up his courage to play +the part of a passionate lover, was soon after missed from the company. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + Donald is not easily knocked down. -- He calmly contemplates + Death, especially other People's. -- A thoughtful Wife. -- A + very natural Request. -- A Consolable Father. -- "Job," 1st + Chapter, 21st Verse. -- Merry Funerals. -- They manage Things + better in Ireland. -- Gone just in Time. -- Touching Funeral + Orations. + + +If folks do not laugh much at a wedding in Scotland, they make up for it +at a funeral. + +Let me hasten to say, that I am sure it would be insulting the reader's +intelligence to tell him that this applies only to the lower classes. + +As a good Christian and a man who has led a busy and useful life, Donald +calmly contemplates the approach of death--especially other people's. + +Death is always near, he says to himself, and a wise man should not be +alarmed at its approach. + +Thus fortified with wisdom, he calmly looks the evil in the face, and +lets it not disturb his little jog-trot existence. This does not imply +that he is wanting in affection, it only means that he accepts the +inevitable without murmuring, and that in him reason has the mastery +over sentiment. + +A _guid_ wife would say to her husband in the most natural way in the +world: + +"Donald, I do not think you have long to live. Have you any special +request to make me? Whom would you like invited to your funeral? Do you +wish Jamie to be chief mourner?" and so on. + +An Edinburgh lady told me that her housemaid one morning came and asked +her for leave of absence until six in the evening, saying that her +sister was to be buried that day. + +The permission was granted, of course. + +The Scotch know how to keep their word. At six o'clock precisely the +maid returned, but wanted to know whether she might have the evening +free as well. + +"What do you want the evening for?" asked her mistress. + +"Oh! ma'am," replied the lassie, "the rest of the family want to finish +the day at the theatre, and they asked me to go with them." + +Impossible to refuse so natural a request. + + * * * * * + +This trait of the Scotch character is often to be met with in the +superior classes also. + +Here is a very striking example of it. + +One of my friends, an eminent professor at one of the great English +public schools, had taken to Braemar with him a young Scotchman of great +promise whom he wished not to lose sight of during the long summer +vacation. + +The mornings and evenings were devoted to study. The hot afternoons were +spent with Horace and Euripides, on the bank of the Dee, in the shade +of the trees that crowd down to the water's brink, as if they were all +eager to gaze at their own reflection in the river. + +During the dry season the stream is fordable in several places, and many +times had the young Scotchman crossed it. + +Wishing to pass a week with his family before school reopened, the pupil +had told his professor that he wished to leave Braemar before him. + +The day before that which he had fixed for his departure, a fearful +storm had burst over the neighbourhood. + +Arrived with his knapsack on his back at the banks of the Dee, he saw +before him, not a peaceful stream, but an angry torrent, swollen and +lashed to fury by the storm. + +The young Scotchman was not to be intimidated. He had crossed many +times, and he would do it again. Besides, the only other way of getting +to the station was by going two or three miles further down and taking +the boat. He prepared to ford the stream. + +Next day the poor young fellow's corpse, bruised and mangled, was found +a mile down the river. + +It would be beyond my powers to describe the despair of the professor, +when he heard of the terrible catastrophe. Entrusted with the care of +the young man, he felt as if guilty of his death. What could he say to +the unhappy parents? + +A telegram was despatched to the father, who arrived the day after. My +friend went to meet him at the station. What was his relief when he +heard this father say to him: "The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken +away; blessed be the name of the Lord." + +And he added: + +"This sublime passage is from _Job_, first chapter and twenty-second +verse--let me see, is it the twenty-first or the twenty-second verse? It +is the twenty-first, I am pretty sure." + +"I fear I cannot say," replied my friend. + +They walked, discussing the Book of _Job_ the while, to the house where +lay the remains of the unfortunate youth. + +Do not suppose that the Scotchman ran to imprint a farewell kiss on the +brow of his dead son. He seized upon a Bible that lay on the +drawing-room table, turned to the Book of _Job_, and having found the +passage he had quoted, said with a triumphant look at the professor: + +"It is the twenty-first verse--I knew I was right." + + * * * * * + +In days gone by, Scotch funerals were made the occasions of visiting and +great drinking. During the week that preceded the actual burying, open +house was kept for the relatives and friends of the _corpse_,[C] and +prodigious quantities of whisky were consumed. These scenes took place +among the aristocracy and the gentry as well as among the lower classes, +and they culminated in a general drinking bout on the day of the +interment. + + [C] It was thus that the defunct was referred to until after + the funeral was over. + +The route of the funeral procession might be traced by the victims of +Scotch hospitality to be seen lying helplessly inebriated by the +wayside, and only a small remnant of it reached the graveyard. More than +once was the coffin, which was carried by hand, left by the hedge, and +the burial put off until the morrow. After several stages the defunct +reached his long home.[D] + + [D] Dean Ramsay relates that in Inverness, forty years ago, the + coffin of a certain laird only reached the cemetery at the end + of a fortnight. + +To-day such scenes would excite as much disgust in Scotland as anywhere +else. Scotch manners and customs have greatly toned down. + +In the lower classes, however, the burial of a relative is still an +occasion for Bacchanalian festivities, and the day is finished up, as we +have seen, at the theatre or other place of entertainment, where a +pleasant evening can be spent. + +But what is this in comparison with that which still goes on in Ireland +in our day? That is where the thing is brought to perfection. + +As I fear I might be taxed with imposture, if I attempted to give a +description of the Irish wake, I will pass the pen to an English +journalist. + +A woman having died suddenly at Waterford, the Coroner had, according to +law, ordered an inquest. Here is the deposition of the police +constable; I extract it from my newspaper (May 8th, 1887): + +"When I entered the house last night, I found all the family in the room +where the coffin was. They were all drunk. The deceased had been raised +to a sitting posture in the coffin, and, by means of cords attached to +her hands and feet, was being made to execute all kinds of marionette +performances. It was like a _Punch and Judy_ show, at which the corpse +played the part of _Punch_. One of the sons was seated near the coffin +playing a concertina. When they saw me enter, the young men quarrelled +over the body, and danced around madly to the sound of the instrument. I +had the greatest difficulty to get possession of the corpse for the +inquest." + +One would think one was reading a description of some scene of life in +an out-of-the-way island of Oceania, instead of the sister-isle of +civilised England. + + * * * * * + +One more anecdote to show that Donald views the approach of dissolution +in his neighbour, without alarm. + +An old Scotchman, feeling death at hand, had bidden all his family to +his bedside. + +"I have sent for you," he said to them, "in order to give you my last +commands. I leave my house and all that belongs to it to my son Donald, +as well as all my cattle." + +"Puir old father, he keeps his faculties to the last," said Donald to +his neighbour. + +"As for my personal property, I desire that it may be divided equally +between...." + +Here the old man's voice failed. He made a last effort to speak. His +children bent down to catch his words. + +He was dead. + +"Puir father," cried Donald, "he is gone just as he was beginning to +rave." + + * * * * * + +Here is a touching funeral oration. + +Donald had just had the misfortune to lose on the same day his wife and +his cow. + +"Oh, my poor Janet," he lamented, "why have ye left me? Wha 'll gie me +back my Janet?" + +"Nonsense! you will soon get over it," said a friend, "times cures every +ill. You'll marry again by-and-by." + +"It may be, I dinna say no; but wha 'll gie me back my Janet?" + +Janet, as the reader may have divined, was the name of the "coo." + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + + Intellectual Life in Scotland. -- The Climate is not so bad + as it is represented to be. -- Comparisons. -- Literary and + Scientific Societies. -- Why should not France possess such + Societies? -- Scotch Newspapers. -- Scotland is the Sinew of + the British Empire. + + +How active and intellectual life in Scotland seems, in comparison with +the petty and monotonous existence led by the dwellers in Provincial +France! + +Is it the climate that so stirs the Scotch up to action? Possibly it may +be, up to a certain point: in a cold damp climate, a man feels it +imperative to keep his brain and body stirring; however, it is not fair +to abuse that poor Scotch climate too much. I saw roses blooming on the +walls of a house I visited at in Helensburgh last January, and I culled +primroses in the open air in February, at Buckie on the north coast of +Scotland. + +Scotch intellectual activity is the result of a widespread education +which is within the reach of the poorest. + +Enter the lowliest cottage and you will find books there--the Bible, +books on agriculture, a novel or two, and almost invariably the poems of +their dear Burns. + +There is no little town of three or four thousand inhabitants but has +its Literary and Scientific Society. + +In some cases, a rich philanthropist has come forward with a sum of +money to build a suitable home for the Society, but very often no such +building exists, and the meetings are held in the Town Hall, or some +other public edifice of the place. + + * * * * * + +Scotchwomen are excellent housewives. In their leisure time they draw, +write, and make themselves acquainted with the social, religious, and +political, questions of the day. + +They organise societies for the help of the poor, or get up concerts in +aid of the unfortunate. On Sundays, they teach the Bible to the children +of the poor. The old maids hunt out cases of distress and make +themselves useful to the community: they do the house-to-house +visitation. + +At any rate it is living. + +Compare this existence with life as led in Provincial France, where +people are wrapped up in their own family circle, take to keeping birds, +and divide their spare time between saying their _pater nosters_ and +criticising their neighbours. + +In Paris there is too much life, and in the provinces too little. All +the blood goes to the head, and the body droops and is paralysed. It is +the initiative spirit that is wanting; for, thank Heaven, it is neither +the brain nor the money that lacks. + +I spoke of Buckie at the commencement of this chapter. You have probably +never heard of Buckie, dear Reader. I assure you that a few months ago I +was in the same state of ignorance. My lecturing manager had marked this +little town on my list. I was invited to lecture at Buckie, it appeared. + +This little hive of three or four thousand bees looked to me, as I +alighted from the train, like a most insignificant little place. + +The chief doctor of the town, having written to offer me hospitality for +the night, had come to the station to meet me. + +"Do you mean to say you have a Literary Society here?" I said to him. + +"I should think so indeed," he replied; "and a very flourishing one it +is." + +"It is a manufacturing town, I suppose?" + +"Well, no; we have here a few well-to-do families. The rest of the town +consists of farmers, shopkeepers, and fisherfolk." + +"I hope the lecture-room is a small one," I remarked. + +"Make yourself easy about that," he replied; "our room holds from seven +to eight hundred people, but I guarantee it will be full to-night. They +will all want to come and hear what the Frenchman has got to say." + +I pretended to feel reassured, but I was far from being so. + +His prediction was verified after all, and never did I have a more +intelligent and appreciative audience. + +Surely Lyons, Marseilles, Lille, Nantes, Nancy, Bordeaux, ought to be +able to do what can be done by Buckie! + + * * * * * + +I doubt whether the Scotch are more intelligent than the English (I mean +the masses), but they are still more energetic and persevering, much +more frugal and economical, and certainly more intellectual; that is to +say, that the pleasures they seek after are of a higher order. + +The Scotch are great readers. + +In their public libraries, I have seen hundreds of workmen and labourers +thronged around the tables, and absorbed in reading the newspapers. + + * * * * * + +The Scotch papers, such as the _Scotsman_, the _Glasgow Herald_, the +_Glasgow News_, the _British Mail_, are in no wise behind the London +papers in importance or in literary merit. They have their own +correspondents in all the capitals of the world, and get the news of the +day at first hand. + +Comic papers are remarkable by their absence. The Scot does not throw +away his time and money on such trifles. + +On the other hand, religious papers swarm and make their fortune. + +The famous _Edinburgh Review_ has perhaps no longer quite the reputation +it used to enjoy, but it is still one of the most important _Reviews_ of +Great Britain. + +Yes, in all truth, Scotland is an energetic, robust, and intelligent, +nation. + +It is the sinew of the British Empire. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + + Higher Education in Scotland. -- The Universities. -- How they + differ from English Universities. -- Is he a Gentleman? -- + Scholarships. -- A Visit to the University of Aberdeen. -- + English Prejudice against Scotch Universities. + + +Scotland boasts four universities: Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen, and St. +Andrew's. + +These four great centres of learning constitute the system of Higher +Education in Scotland. + +These universities differ essentially from the two great English ones, +first because men go there to work, secondly because they are open to +the people. A peasant's son, like Thomas Carlyle for instance, can go +there without fearing that his fellow-students will avoid him because he +comes of a poor family. + +When a new student arrives at Oxford or Cambridge, the others do not +enquire whether he is a clever fellow or a dunce; what they want to +know is what his father is, and who was his grandfather. It is only +after obtaining a satisfactory answer to these questions that they +associate with the new comer. + +In Scotland, as in France, every man who is well educated and has the +manners of good society is a gentleman. The son of a peasant possessing +these is received everywhere. + +Each Scotch university offers from fifty to eighty scholarships, varying +in value from L8 to L70. These sums, paid annually to the winners of the +scholarships, help them to live while they are devoting their time to +study. + +The most admirable thing about high education in Scotland is that it is +put within the reach of all, and is not, as it is in England, a +sugarplum held so high as to be often unattainable. + +The result is that every intelligent young Scotchman may aim at entering +a profession. There may be in this a little danger to the commerce and +agriculture of the country. However, these young men do not encumber +Scotland; their studies fit them for a lucrative career, which they +often go and seek in the Colonies. An Australian friend told me recently +that more than half the doctors in Victoria were Scotchmen. + +I have spoken, in a previous chapter, of the privations that Scotch +undergraduates will often impose upon themselves. Nothing is more +remarkable than the sustained application and indefatigable will which +they bring to bear on their studies. Nothing distracts them from their +aim; they never lose sight of the diploma that will be their +bread-winner. I have seen them at work, these Scotch students. I visited +the School of Medicine at Aberdeen University, in the company of Dr. +John Struthers, the learned Professor of Anatomy. I was struck, in +passing through the dissecting room, to see about fifty students, +without any professor, so absorbed in their work that not one of them +lifted his head as we passed. + +In France it would have been very different: every eye would have been +turned to the stranger, and all through the room there would have been a +whisper of _Qui ca_? And then remarks and jokes would have run rife. + + * * * * * + +The English are very prejudiced against the Scotch universities. + +How many times have I been told in England that young fellows, who fail +to obtain their medical diploma in England, could get them easily enough +in Scotland. Nothing is more absurd; if ever it was so, it was a long +while ago. In these days, the examinations of the four Scotch faculties +are quite as severe and quite as difficult as the English ones. + +Whenever there is a vacant mastership in an English public school +advertised in the newspapers, it is always stated that the candidates +for the post must be graduates of one of the universities of the United +Kingdom. This does not alter the fact that candidates, who are not +Oxford or Cambridge men, have no chance of being elected. I have known +Scotch masters in the public schools. They had studied at Edinburgh, +Glasgow, or Aberdeen, but had gone to Oxford or Cambridge to reside, in +order to obtain an English degree. + +Why is this? + +Simply because these two great English universities give their old +scholars an importance, not necessarily literary or scientific, but +social; they stamp them gentlemen. + +Whatever the English may say, the universities of old Scotland are the +nurseries of learned and useful citizens. Of this they would soon be +convinced if they would visit those great centres of intellectual +activity. But this is just what they avoid doing. When the English go to +Scotland, it is to fish or to shoot in the Highlands, and whatever they +may get in the way of game or fish, they do not pick up much serious +information on the subject of Scotland. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + + Scotch Literature. -- Robert Burns. -- Walter Scott. -- Thomas + Carlyle and Adam Smith. -- Burns Worship. -- Scotch Ballads and + Poetry. + + +Scotland possesses a national literature of which the greatest nations +might justly be proud. + +To take only the great names, it may safely be said that more touching +and sublime poetry than that of Burns was never written, that Walter +Scott was the greatest novelist of the century, that Thomas Carlyle has +never been surpassed as a historian and essayist, and that Adam Smith's +_The Wealth of Nations_ can be considered as the basis of modern +political economy. + +I pass over the Humes, Smolletts, and other illustrious representatives +of Scotch literature, on whom I certainly do not intend to write an +essay. + +But how can one speak of Scotland without devoting a few words to Robert +Burns? In their worship of their great poet I see a trait characteristic +of the Scotch people. + +Scotland is above all things full of practical common sense, but it is +steeped to the brim in poetry. There is poetry at the core of every +Scot. Visit the castle of the rich, or the cottage of the poor, or step +into your hotel bedroom, and you will see the portrait of the graceful +bard. + +I happened to be in Edinburgh on the 25th of January, the anniversary of +Burns' birth. The theatres were empty. Everyone was celebrating the +anniversary. Dinners, meetings, lectures were consecrated to Burns; and +that which was passing in Edinburgh was also passing, on a small scale, +in every little Scotch village. + +It was a national communion. + +Burns wrote in Scotch, and in celebrating the anniversary of his birth, +they celebrated a national fete. His poetry reminds them that they +belong to a nation perfectly distinct from England, a nation having a +literature of her own. This is why his memory is revered by high and low +alike. The Scotch could no more part with their Burns than England with +Shakespeare, or Italy with Dante. The Gaelic tongue is rapidly dying +out, Scotch customs become more and more English every day, but each +year only adds to the glory of Robert Burns. His poems have run rapidly +through many editions--they have reached more than a hundred up to +now--the sad story of his life is retold every year, and his portrait is +still in great demand. The popularity Burns still enjoys in Scotland may +be judged from the fact than in one single shop in Edinburgh there are +twenty thousand portraits of the poet sold annually. + +Whilst the English allow the house which Carlyle inhabited for so many +years at Chelsea to go to ruins, the Scotch take a pride in showing the +stranger the little clay cottage where Burns first saw the light on the +25th of January, 1759. + +It is with real regret that I turn from the subject of the "Ayrshire +Ploughman," his life and his works. Few poets have united as he has, +delicate pathos and comic force, pure _reverie_ and the sense of the +grotesque. But after all, I should but do what has been done over and +over again by his numerous biographers, the chief of whom are Carlyle, +Chambers, and Professor Shairp. + +Longfellow has said that what Jasmin, the author of the _The Blind Girl +of Castel Cuille_, was to the south of France, Burns was to the south of +Scotland: the representative of the heart of the people. + + * * * * * + +Nothing can be more suave, piquant, and picturesque than the wild and +primitive melodies of the songs of Scotland. The Scotch ballad is the +spontaneous production of the touching and simple genius of the nation. + +The words are full of pathos and rustic humour. The music is light, +often plaintive, always graceful. The whole has a delicious perfume of +the mountain. I know of no other kind of song to compare with it, unless +it were perhaps the songs of the Tyrol and a few _Breton_ ballads. + +The verses of Burns and other Scotch poets have inspired some of the +greatest musicians. Mendelssohn was a great admirer of them. + +Madame Patti delights to charm her audiences with "Comin' thro' the +rye," or "Within a mile o' Edinbro' town," and these vocal gems suit the +supple voice of the inimitable songstress; they even suit her very +person, as she sings them in her arch manner, and finishes up with a +saucy little curtsey. + +The songs of Scotland, old as they are most of them, have lost nothing +of their freshness. They are still the delight of the nation.[E] + + [E] The finest edition of the Songs of Scotland is that recently + published by Messrs. Muir Wood, of Glasgow. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + + The Dance in Scotland. -- Reels and Highland Schottische. -- Is + Dancing a Sin? -- Dances of Antiquity. -- There is no Dancing + now. + + +People do not dance now--in drawing-rooms at least--they walk, says M. +Ratisbonne. + +In Scotland, however, people still dance. + +The Scotch have preserved the primitive, innocent, pastoral character of +this exercise. + +Nothing is more graceful than the reel and schottische of the Highlands. + + +The reel demands great agility. Two swords are placed crosswise on the +ground and, to the sound of bagpipes, Donald executes double and triple +pirouettes in and out, carefully avoiding the weapons. + +Ask me how Society dances in Scotland and I will answer: just as it does +elsewhere, but with a gravity that would do honour to our senators. + + * * * * * + +The Scotch are not all agreed as to whether dancing is sinful or not. + +Certain dwellers in the Highlands look on it as the eighth deadly sin; +the Shakers, on the contrary, consider it as the most edifying of +religious exercises. + +Between the two, the margin is wide. + +Socrates, the wisest of men in the eyes of Apollo, admired this exercise +and learned dancing in his old age. Homer speaks of Merion as a good +dancer, and adds that the grace and agility he had acquired in dancing +rendered him superior to all the Greek and Trojan warriors. + +Dancing was among the religious acts of the Hebrews, Greeks, and +Egyptians. The early Fathers of the Church led the dance of the children +at solemn festivals. + +The holy king David danced in front of the Ark, as we know by the +Scriptures. + +Real virtue is amiable, and tolerance and gaiety are its distinguishing +marks. + +For my part, I know no more charming sight than those village dances, +becoming, alas! more and more rare. Boys and girls gave themselves up to +mirthful pleasure without thought of harm, and these pastoral fetes kept +alive joy and innocence in the hearts of our villagers. We are growing +too serious, the railways and telegraph have upset us and enervated us, +we are getting languid and dull. + +If I am to believe the Scotch, with whom I have talked on the subject, +it is not dancing that they object to, it is the fashion in which people +dance nowadays. They admire the contre-dance and minuet, but consider it +improper that a man should whirl round a room with a half-dressed lady +in his arms. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + + The Wisdom of Scotland. -- Proverbs. -- Morals in Words and + Morals in Deeds. -- Maxims. -- The Scot is a Judge of Human + Nature. -- Scotch and Norman Proverbs compared. -- Practical + Interpretation of a Passage of the Bible. + + +In a country where everyone moralises, one may expect to find a great +number of proverbs, those time-honoured oracles of the wisdom of +nations. + +And, indeed, Scotland, the home of moral phrases _par excellence_, owns +more than three thousand proverbs. + +These proverbs show up all the characteristics of the Scotch people, +their prudence, caution, sagacity, self-confidence, and knowledge of +human nature. + +Several of them are not exclusively Scotch, whatever the Scotch people +may say. We have, in Normandy, many which may differ slightly in the +wording, but which express the same ideas, a fact which shows once more +how many traits of character the Scot has in common with the Norman. + +Here are a few: + +_Mony smas mak a muckle._ The French say "Little streams make big +rivers." + +_Anes payit never cravit_ (no more debts, no more bothers). The French +go further when they say: "A man is the richer for paying his debts." I +am afraid the truth of this adage might fail to strike the Scotchman at +first sight. The only privilege of a proverb is to be incontestable. +This French proverb smacks of the sermon, it oversteps the mark. + +_A cat may look at a king._ One man is as good as another. This +illustrates the independence of the Scotch character. + +_Be a frien' to yoursel', an sae will ithers._ "Help yourself and Heaven +will help you." + +_We'll bark oursels ere we buy dogs sae dear._ A good maxim of political +economy: "Don't pay others to do what you can do for yourself." + +_A' Stuarts are na sib to the King_: All Stuarts are not related to the +King. The French say: "The frock does not make the monk." + +_Guid folk are scarce, tak care o' me._ The Normans say: "Good folks are +scarce in the parish, take care of me." + +_He that cheats me ance, shame fa' him; he that cheats me twice, shame +fa' me._ A proverb that well illustrates Scotch caution. + +The fear of the devil has inspired many Scotch proverbs, which are in +constant use still. + +_The de'il's nae sae ill as he's caaed._ A delicate little compliment to +his Satanic Majesty: the Scot is right, one never knows what may happen, +it is as well to make friends with the mammon of unrighteousness. A +personage who receives so few compliments is likely to remember with +pleasure the folks who pay them. + +The same neat spirit of flattery is visible in the following proverb: + +_It's a sin to lee on the de'il._ + +_The de'il's bairns hae de'il's luck, and the de'il's aye gude to his +ain_, are used to hurl at people who excite jealousy by their success. + +Scotch sarcasm is well illustrated in such a proverb as: + +_Ye wad do little for God gin the de'il war deid._ This is reducing the +_unco' guid_ to the level of devil dodgers. + +_It's ill to wauken sleepin' dogs._ This is rather hard on the dog, who +certainly cannot be considered the emblem of wickedness and hypocrisy. +In France we say: "Do not waken the sleeping cat," and I think with more +show of reason. + +The following is full of poetry: + +_The evening bring a' hame._ The evening brings the family together +around the hearth, and in the evening of life man turns his thoughts +homewards, forgets the faults of his neighbours, and lays aside disputes +and strivings. + +_Let him tak a spring on his ain fiddle_, says a proverb that +illustrates the coolness with which Donald will bide his time. A lawyer, +who had to listen to an eloquent tirade of an opponent in court, +contented himself with remarking: "Aweel, aweel, sir, you're welcome to +a tune on your ain fiddle; but see if I dinna gar ye dance till't afore +it's dune." + +The same idea occurs in: + +_Ne'er let on but laugh i' your ain sleeve._ + +_A travelled man has leave to lee_: Folks will not go to far countries +to prove his words. O Tartarin de Tarascon! + +_Better learn by your neighbour's skaith than your ain skin._ So might +Cleopatra have said when she tried the effect of poisons on her slaves +before making her own choice. + +_Drink little that ye may drink lang_, is a piece of advice Donald has +well laid to heart, only he has modified the first part considerably. + + * * * * * + +I think I have quoted enough proverbs to prove that the Scot has the +measure of his neighbour, and knows how to make use of him. + +Most of them have a smack of realism which shows that Donald has a +serious aim in life, that of being a successful man. + +Even the use he makes of the precepts of the Bible proves it. He uses +his Bible, but adapts to his purpose the lessons he finds therein. + +The Bible is his servant rather than his master, and has this good about +it, that with a little cleverness it can be made to prove anything. + +If he sometimes come across a precept which is perfectly clear and +irrefutable, Donald does not scruple to ignore it. + +I was talking with a Scotchman one evening about the different religions +of the world, and I remarked to him that when the Mussulmans call us +"dogs of Christians," it is not because we are Christians, for they are +admirers of the Christian religion, but simply because we do not follow +the precepts of Christianity. + +"The Mussulmans are quite right," I said, "Christianity is the grandest +thing in the world; but Christians are mostly 'Pharisees and hypocrites' +who believe little in their religion and act up to it still less." + +He, on the contrary, maintained that Christians were no less admirable +than their faith, that they followed the precepts contained in the +Sermon on the Mount to the letter, and finally that of all Christians +the Scotch were the cream. + +We argued long without either of us convincing the other, and I must +admit that my host, who was a much cleverer theologian than myself, had +the last word. + +In taking leave of him that night, I was bold enough to return to the +charge. "Come, my dear sir," I began, "if we receive a blow on our right +cheek, the Scriptures command us to offer our left also. If a man struck +you on the right cheek, now what would you do?" + +"What would I do?" he said after drawing a great whiff at his pipe. +"What would I do? By Jove, I'd give him two that he wouldn't soon +forget, I can tell you!" + +I shook hands with my host, and retired in triumph. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + + Massacre Of The English Tongue. -- Donald The Friend Of France. + -- Scotch Anecdotes Again. -- Reason Of Their Drollery. -- + Picturesque Dialect. -- Dry Old Faces. -- A Scotch Chambermaid. + -- Oddly-placed Moustachios. -- My Chimney Smokes. -- Sarcastic + Spirit. -- A Good Chance Of Entering Paradise Thrown Away. -- + Robbie Burns And The Greenock Shopkeeper. + + +The Scotch may be recognised at the first word by the very strong,[F] +sonorous accent with which they speak English. It is like a German +accent with the _r_'s of the Normans. In the North of Scotland, the +accent is so Teutonic that one seems to be listening to Germans talking +English. The letters _b_, _d_, and _v_ are changed into _p_, _t_, and +_f_. The _ch_ is perfectly German at the end of a word, such as _loch_. +_Ght_ becomes _cht_, and is pronounced as in the German word _nacht_. + + [F] The Scotch dialect has sometimes been called the Doric of + Great Britain. + +Certainly there is nothing insurmountably difficult to understand in all +this; but that rogue of a Donald has a way of eating the ends of many of +his words, of running the mutilated remains in together with such +bewildering rapidity, and accompanying the whole with such a tremendous +rolling of _r_'s, that the stranger is completely staggered until his +ear grows accustomed to the jargon. + + * * * * * + +The English language is composed of about forty-three thousand words, +out of which fourteen thousand are of Germanic origin, and twenty-nine +thousand have come into it from the Latin through the Norman dialect. +But in Scotland you will hear the people using numbers of modern French +words, which are no part of the English vocabulary. These words are +remnants of the close relations that existed between France and Scotland +in the sixteenth century. They are mostly heard now in the mouths of the +older inhabitants. + +For nearly a hundred years past the English have been continually +borrowing words from us (a loan which we return with interest), but they +are words which will only be found in use among the upper classes. The +case is different in Scotland. There the French words were adopted by +the people, and it is the people that still use them, and not the better +educated classes, for these latter avoid them as vulgar. In a hundred +years they will probably have fallen into disuse. It may not therefore +be out of place to give here a list, which I think is pretty complete, +of the French words that form the last trace of an alliance which has +left to this day a very pronounced sentiment of affection for France in +the hearts of the Scotch. + +There were doubtless many others in use formerly, but I have collected +only those which may still be heard in everyday use among the Scotch +populace: + + SCOTCH. ENGLISH. FRENCH. + + Ashet Dish Assiette + Aumrie Cupboard Armoire + Bonnaille Parting glass Bon aller + Bourd Jest Bourde + Braw Fine Brave + Caraff Decanter Carafe + Certy Certainly Certes + Dambrod Draught board Dames + Dementit Derange Dementir + Dorty Sulky Durete + Douce Mild Doux + Dour Obstinate Dur + Fash oneself (to) Get angry (to) Facher (se) + Fashious Troublesome Facheux + Gardy loo Look out Gardez l'eau (gare l'eau) + Gardyveen Wine bin Garde-vin + Gean Cherry Guigne + Gigot Leg of mutton Gigot + Gou Taste Gout + Grange Granary Grange + Grosserts Gooseberries Groseilles + Gysart Disguised Guise + Haggis Hatched meat Hachis + Hogue Tainted Haut gout + Jalouse (to) Suspect Jalouser + Jupe Skirt Jupe + Kimmer Gossip Commere + Mouter Mixture of corn Mouture + Pantufles Slippers Pantoufles + Pertricks Partridges Perdrix + Petticoat tails Cakes Petits gatelles (gateaux) + Pouch Pocket Poche + Prosh, madame Come, madam Aprochez, madame + Reeforts Radishes Raiforts + Ruckle Heap (of stones) Recueil + Serviter Napkin Serviette + Sucker Sugar Sucre + Tassie Cup Tasse + Ule Oi Huile + Verity Truth Verite + Vizzy Aim Viser + +These are not, as may be seen, words borrowed from our milliners and +dressmakers; they are terms that express the necessaries of life, and +which the Scotch housewives have not yet forgotten. They prove in an +irrefutable manner that the two nations mixed and knew each other +intimately. + + * * * * * + +The language spoken by the Scotch lends itself to humour. Their +picturesque pronunciation gives their conversation a piquancy which +defies imitation. A Scotch anecdote told in Scotch language never misses +its effect. Tell it in English, or any other language, and it loses all +its raciness. + +As I have already remarked, the Scot does not seek to appear witty, +still less amusing, and there lies the charm. His remarks are not +intended to be quaint, but are intensely so. Their drollery lies in the +dialect and the combination of ideas. The Scotch are quick to seize the +humorous side of things, and that without being aware of it. Their +remarks are made with an imperturbable gravity, without a gesture, or +the movement of a muscle. + +I fancy I see still the old Scotch servant with whom I was speaking on +the subject of a fire which would not burn in my room at a hotel. All at +once she interrupted the conversation; she had just perceived, on the +top of my head, a somewhat solitary lock of hair. + +"Are ye growin' a moustache on the top o' your heid?" she exclaimed +without a smile. + +My first impulse was to bid her mind her business, and make my fire +draw. But though I disliked the familiarity, I saw immediately that the +good creature, a bony Scotchwoman of at least fifty summers, had not had +the least intention of joking me, still less of vexing me. Her stolid +expression, her quaint accent, to say nothing of the incongruous idea +that had come to her lips, it all diverted me intensely, and I laughed +well over it to the great astonishment of the worthy woman, who went +away grumbling at the fire which had proved very obdurate. + +The chimney continued to smoke horribly, and presently I rang the bell +again. + +The woman reappeared. + +"This chimney smokes atrociously still," I said. + +You should have seen her dry old face as she simply remarked: + +"Eh, mony a ane has complained o' that chimney." + +The familiarity of the Scotch servant is an old theme. The good humour +of the master in Scotland encourages familiarity in the servant, and the +fidelity of the latter causes it to be overlooked. + +I remember the dinner-gong had been sounded in a house where I was one +day visiting, and not being quite ready, I was still in my room. Someone +knocked at my door. It was an old servant. "Noo," said she, "it's time +to come doun to your dinner." + +Scotch wit is cutting, there is often a sarcastic thrust in it, +sometimes even a little spice of malice. + +You hear none of those good broad bulls, brimming over with innocence, +that are so amusing in the Irish; the Scotch witticisms are sharp +strokes that penetrate and strike home. + +Lunardi, the aeronaut, having made an ascent in his balloon at +Edinburgh, came down on the property of a Presbyterian minister in the +neighbourhood of Cupar. + +"We have been up a prodigious way," said the aeronaut to the minister; +"I really believe we must have been close to the gates of Paradise." + +"What a pity you did not go in!" replied the Scotchman, "you may never +be so near again." + +I might give numerous examples of this sarcastic wit that so often +underlies Scotch anecdotes. I will only cite one more. This time we have +Robert Burns for hero, and I extract the story from his biography: + +The celebrated poet was one day walking on Greenock pier, when a rich +tradesman, who happened to be there also, slipped and fell in the water. +Being unable to swim, he would have been drowned but for the bravery of +a sailor who threw himself, all dressed as he was, into the water, and +brought him to land. + +When the tradesman had regained consciousness and recovered from his +fright, he bethought himself that he ought to reward his rescuer. +Putting his hand in his pocket, he drew out a shilling, which he +generously presented to the brave sailor. + +The crowd that had gathered round in admiration of the sailor's heroic +act could not restrain its indignation. Protestations were followed by +hoots, and the object of their scorn came very near being returned to +the water--to learn his way about. + +Robbie Burns, however, succeeded in appeasing their wrath. + +"Calm yourselves," said he; "this gentleman is certainly a better judge +of his own value than you can be." + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + + The Staff of Life in Scotland. -- Money is round and flat. -- + Cheap Restaurants. -- Democratic Bill of Fare. -- Caution to the + Public. -- "Parritch!" -- The Secret of Scotland's Success. -- + The National Drink of Scotland. -- Scotch and Irish Whiskies. -- + Whisky a very slow Poison. -- Dean Ramsay's best Anecdote. + + +In Scotland, the staff of life is porridge, pronounced _parritch_ by the +natives. + +Porridge is served at breakfast in every Scotch home, from the castle to +the cottage. It is the first dish at breakfast, or the only one, +according to the income. + +Porridge is a food which satisfies and strengthens, and which, it seems, +is rich in bone-forming matter. + +Many a brave young Scotch undergraduate, with rubicund face and meagre +purse, breakfasts off a plate of porridge which he prepares for himself, +while _ces messieurs_ of Oxford breakfast like princes. + +I saw a labourer near Dumfries, who, on his wages of twelve shillings a +week, was bringing up a family of eight children, all of them robust and +radiant with health, thanks to porridge. The eldest, a fine fellow of +eighteen, had carried off a scholarship at Aberdeen University. In +England, no professional career would have been open to him. + +Few of the lower class English people will condescend to eat porridge; +they will have animal food twice a day, if they can get it, and beer or +other stimulants. Twenty years of prosperity and high wages have +spoiled, ruined the working class in England. Now wages have fallen, or +rather work has become scarce, and these people, who never thought of +saving anything in the days of their splendour, are plenty of them +lacking bread. They are not cured for all that. If you offered them +porridge, they would feel insulted. "It is workhouse food," they will +tell you. + +When the Scotch maidservant receives her wages, she goes and puts part +in the Savings Bank, like the French _bonne_ of the provinces. When the +English servant takes up hers, she straightway goes and buys a new hat +to get photographed in it. Money burns her pockets. + +Money is round, say the English, it was meant to roll; money is flat, +say the Scotch and the Normans, it was meant to be piled up. + +When he is in work, the workman of London, Manchester, Liverpool, +Birmingham, will spend three or four shillings a day on his keep; when +he is out of work, he stands about the tavern-door and whines for help. + +I visited one day, in Aberdeen, a restaurant where a copious repast was +being served for the modest sum of two pence a head. The room was full +of healthy-looking workmen, tidily dressed and busily doing honour to +the porridge and other items on the _menu_. + +The bill of fare for the week was posted up at the door. Here is a copy +of it: + + "_Monday_--Porridge, sausage and potato. + "_Tuesday_--Scotch broth, beef pie. + "_Wednesday_--Peasoup and ham. + "_Thursday_--Porridge, sausage and potato. + "_Friday_--Fish and potato. + "_Saturday_--Porridge, sausage and potato." + +A trifle monotonous, perhaps, this bill of fare, I own; but, at all +events, you will admit that for twopence the Aberdeen workman can have a +good square meal. + +What would the Parisians have given for this fare during the siege! + +On the walls, I observed the following notice: + +"The public are respectfully requested to pay in advance, so as to avoid +mistakes." + +"To avoid mistakes!" Thoroughly Scotch this little caution! + +I had always seen porridge eaten before the other food. So seeing a +worthy fellow ask that his porridge might be brought to him after his +sausage and potato, I made bold to ask him the explanation of it. + +"Do you take your porridge after your meat?" I enquired. + +"Ay, mon," he replied, "it's to chock up the chinks." + + * * * * * + +Ask a Scotch rustic what he takes for breakfast, and he will answer +proudly: + +"Parritch, mon!" + +And for dinner? + +"Parrritch!!" + +And for supper? + +"_Parrrritch!!!_" + +If he took a fourth meal, he would roll in another _r_; it is his way of +expressing his sentiments. + +I like people who roll their _r_'s: there is backbone in them. + + * * * * * + +Robert Burns, who has sung of the haggis and the whisky of his native +land, has only made indirect mention of porridge. He ought to have +consecrated to it an ode in several cantos. + +Porridge! it is the secret of the Scot's success. Try to compete with a +man who can content himself with porridge, when you must have your three +or four meals a day and animal food at two of them. + +It is porridge that gives a healthy body, cool head, and warm feet; + +Porridge promotes the circulation of the blood; + +It is porridge that calms the head after the libations of overnight. + +It is porridge that keeps the poor man from ending his days in the +Union. + +It is porridge that helps the son of the humble peasant to aspire to +the highest career, in allowing him to live on a scholarship at the +University; + +It is porridge that makes such men of iron as Livingstone and Gordon; + +And, above all, it is porridge that puts the different classes in +Scotland on a footing of equality once a day at least, and thus makes +of them the most liberal-minded people of Great Britain. + + * * * * * + +The national drink of Scotland is Scotch whisky. + +The Scotch will tell you that Irish whisky is no good; the Irish will +tell you that Scotch whisky is simply detestable. I have tasted both, +and, having no national prejudice on the point, have no hesitation in +saying that there is nothing to choose between them: both are horrible. + +Whisky may easily be obtained by dissolving a little soot in brandy. As +the coal-smoky taste is much more pronounced in the Scotch whisky than +in the Irish, I conclude that, in the latter, the dose is smaller. + +They say that of all alcoholic liquors whisky is the least injurious. By +"they" must be understood all the good folks who cannot do without this +beverage. There must, however, be truth in it, or Scotland and Ireland +must have been depopulated long since. And, as we know the Scotch +generally live to a good old age, and centenarians are not rare in the +Land o' Cakes, if whisky be a poison, it must be a slow one--a very slow +one. + + * * * * * + +The prettiest anecdote, in Dean Ramsay's _Reminiscences_, relates to +whisky, and I cannot refrain from quoting it. + +An old Scotch lady had just sent for her gardener to cut the grass on +her lawn. + +"Cut it short," she said to him; "mind, Donald, an inch at the bottom is +worth two at the top." + +Always the same way of speaking in moral sentences so common in +Scotland. + +The work done, the good lady offered Donald a glass of whisky, and +proceeded to pour it out, but showed sign of stopping before the top +was reached. + +"Fill it up, ma'am, fill it up," said the shrewd-witted fellow, "an inch +at the top is worth twa at the bottom." + + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + + Hors-d'oeuvre. -- A Word to the Reader and another to the + Critic. -- A Man who has a right to be proud. -- Why? + + +Here I pause, dear Reader. + +An idea has just come to my head, and for fear it might be lonely there, +I will impart it to you without delay. + +Now, to come at once to the sense of the matter, will you allow me for +once--for once only--to pay myself a compliment that I think I well +deserve? It is the word "Ireland," which I have just written in the +preceding chapter, that makes me think of addressing sincere +congratulations to myself. Forgive me for this little digression, it +will relieve me. + +I have written two books on England, a third on the relations between +England and France, and I shall soon have finished a volume of +recollections of Scotland. + +How many times I have had to write the words "England" and "Ireland," I +could not say; but I affirm that I have not once--no, not once--spoken +of "Perfidious Albion" or the "Emerald Isle." + +"Indeed!" and "What of that?" you will perhaps exclaim. + +Well, whatever you may say, I assure you that if ever a man had a right +to feel proud of himself, I have. + +More than once have I been tempted, once or twice I have had to make an +erasure, but I am the first who has triumphed over the difficulty. + +Come, dear Critic, if thou wilt be amiable, here is an occasion. Admit +that a Frenchman, who can write fourteen or fifteen hundred pages on the +subject of England, without once calling her "Perfidious Albion," is a +man who is entitled to thy respect and thy indulgence for the thousand +and one shortcomings of which he knows himself to be guilty. + +There, I feel better now. Let us now go and see Donald's big _touns_. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + + Glasgow. -- Origin of the Name. -- Rapid Growth of the City. -- + St. Mungo's Injunction to Donald. -- James Watt and the Clyde. + -- George Square. -- Exhibition of Sculpture in the open Air. -- + Royal Exchange. -- Wellington again. -- Wanted an Umbrella. -- + The Cathedral. -- How it was saved by a Gardener. -- The + Streets. -- Kelvingrove Park. -- The University. -- The Streets + at Night. -- The Tartan Shawls a Godsend. -- The Populace. -- + Pity for the poor little Children. -- Sunday Lectures in + Glasgow. -- To the Station, and let us be off. + + +If, as Shelley has said, "Hell is a city much like London," Glasgow must +be very much like the dungeon where Satan shuts up those who do not +behave themselves. + +The word "Glasgow" is of Celtic origin, and, it appears, means _Sombre +Valley_. + +The town has not given the lie to its name. + +I have travelled from the south of England to the north of Scotland; +I have seen every corner of the great towns, and I do not hesitate to +give the palm to Glasgow: it is the dirtiest, blackest, most +repulsive-looking nest that it was ever given to man to inhabit. + +I am bound to say that the Scotch themselves, so justly proud of their +old Scotland, dare not take it upon themselves to defend Glasgow: they +give it over to the visitor, not, however, without having added, as a +kind of extenuating circumstance: + +"There is money in it." + + * * * * * + +At the time of the Reformation, Glasgow was but an insignificant little +town with five thousand inhabitants. At the commencement of this century +it contained about eight thousand. To-day it is the most important city +of Scotland, a city which holds, including the suburbs, very nearly a +million souls, tortured by the passion for wealth or by misery and +hunger. + +If the importance of the place is recent, the place itself dates back +more than thirteen centuries. It was indeed in 560 that Saint Mungo +founded a bishopric there, and no doubt, to try the faith of Donald, +whom he had just converted to Christianity, he said to him, as he put an +umbrella into his hands with strict injunctions never to part with it: + +"For thy sins, Donald, here shalt thou dwell." + +Glasgow is the home of iron and coal. Coal underground, coal in the air, +coal on people's faces, coal everywhere! + +There rise thousands of high chimneys, vomiting flames and great clouds +of smoke, which settle down on the town and, mixing with the humidity of +the streets, form a black, sticky mud that clogs your footsteps. No one +thinks of wearing elastic-side boots. They would go home with naked +feet if they did. Glasgow people wear carmen's boots, strongly fastened +on with leather laces. + +I assure you that if you were to fall in the street, you would leave +your overcoat behind when you got up. + + * * * * * + +The neighbourhood of the sea and the Clyde has been, and still is, a +source of prosperity and opulence to the town; and here it behoves me to +speak of the Scotch energy, which has made of this stream a river +capable of giving anchorage to vessels drawing twenty-four feet of +water. + +In 1769, the illustrious James Watt was directed to examine the river. +At that time small craft could scarcely enter the river even at high +water. Watt indeed found that, at low tide, the rivulet--for it was +nothing else--had but a depth of one foot two inches, and at high tide +never more than three feet three inches. + +To-day you may see the largest ironclads afloat there. This gigantic +enterprise cost no less than L10,300,000. + +It was on the Clyde that Henry Bell, in 1812, launched the first +steamboat. Since then the banks of the Clyde have been lined with vast +shipbuilding yards, which turn out from four to five hundred vessels a +year. + +Glasgow always had a taste for smoke. Before the war of American +Independence, this town had the monopoly of the tobacco commerce. +Colossal fortunes were realised over the importation of the Virginian +weed in the end of the last century. At present Glasgow trades in coal, +machinery, iron goods, printed calico, etc. + +The Glasgow man has been influenced by his surroundings. The climate is +dull and damp, the man is obstinate and laborious; the ground contains +coal and iron for the Clyde to carry to sea, and so the man is a trader. + +And, indeed, what is there to be done in Glasgow but work? Out-of-door +life is interdicted, so to speak; gaiety is out of the question; +everything predisposes to industry and thought. People divide their time +between work and prayer, the kirk and the counting-house; such is life +in Glasgow. + + * * * * * + +And now let us take a stroll, or rather let us walk, for a stroll +implies pleasure, and I certainly cannot promise you that. + +The most striking feature of Glasgow is George Square. It is large, and +literally crowded with statues, a regular carnival. It looks as if the +Glasgow folks had said: "We must have some statues, but do not, for all +that, let us encumber the streets with them; let us keep them out of the +way in a place to themselves. If a visitor likes to go and look at them, +much good may it do him." At a certain distance the effect is that of a +cemetery, or picture to yourself Madame Tussaud's exhibition _a la belle +etoile_. + +When I say _a la belle etoile_, it is but a figure of speech in Glasgow. + +In this exhibition of sculpture, I discover Walter Scott, Robert Burns, +David Livingstone, James Watt, Prince Albert, Queen Victoria, Thomas +Campbell, and Sir Robert Peel. Some are on foot, some on horseback. +There are none driving, but there is Scott who, in the centre of this +Kensal Green, is perched on the summit of a column eighty feet high. It +is enough to make the tallest chimney of the neighbourhood topple over +with envy. By dint of a little squeezing, it would be easy to make room +for a dozen more statues. + +In Queen's Street, quite close to George Square, we find the Royal +Exchange--an elegant building in the Corinthian style--in front of which +stands an equestrian statue of gigantic dimensions. + +It is Wellington--the inevitable, the eternal, the everlasting +Wellington. + +Oh, what a bore that Wellington is! + +This statue was erected at the expense of the town for a sum of L10,000. + +Wellington will never know what he has cost his compatriots. + +Let us go up George Street, turn to the left by High Street, towards the +north-east, and we shall come to the Cathedral, the only one which the +fanatic vandalism of the Puritans spared. I was told in Scotland that +this is how it escaped. The Puritans had come to Glasgow in 1567 to +destroy the Cathedral of Saint Mungo. But a gardener, a practical Scot +of the neighbourhood, reasoned with them in the following manner: + +"My friends, you are come with the meritorious intention of destroying +this temple of popery. But why destroy the edifice? It will cost a mint +of money to build such another. Could not you use this one and worship +God in it after our own manner?" + +The Puritans, who were Scots too, saw the force of the argument and the +cathedral was saved. + +The edifice is gothic, and very handsome. I recommend especially the +crypt, under the choir. The windows are most remarkable. + +Around the cathedral is a graveyard containing fine monuments. I read on +a tablet, put up in commemoration of the execution of nine covenanters +(1666-1684) the following inscription, which shows once more how they +forgive in Scotland. Here is the hint to the persecutors: + + "_They'll know at resurrection day + To murder saints was no sweet play._" + +Let us return down High Street as far as Argyle Street, the great artery +of Glasgow. + +After a few minutes' walking, we come to Buchanan Street, the +fashionable street of Glasgow--I mean the one which contains the +fashionable shops, the Regent Street of this great manufacturing city. +The houses are well-built, I do not say tastefully, but solidly. This +might be said indeed of the whole town: it is dirty, but substantial. +Let us push on to Sanchyhall Street, and there turn to the west. We +presently come to the park of Kelvingrove, undulating, well laid out, +and surrounded with pretty houses: it is the only part of Glasgow which +does not give you cold shivers. Among the well-kept paths, flowerbeds, +and ponds, you forget the coal-smoke for awhile. At the end of the park +runs the Kelvin, a little stream which you cross to get to Gilmore Hill, +on the summit of which stand the buildings of the university. The +interior of these buildings is magnificent. + +The Bute Hall is one of the finest halls I ever saw: 108 feet long, 75 +broad, and 70 high. A splendid library and all the comfortable +accessories, which they are careful to supply studious youth with in +this country. The university cost more than half-a-million. With the +exception of a few other parks--which, however, cannot be compared to +those of London--there is nothing more to be seen in Glasgow, and if +your business is transacted, go to your hotel, strap your luggage, and +be off. + +But if you prefer it, we will arm ourselves with umbrellas and return to +the streets, and see what kind of people are to be met there. + +That which strikes one at a first visit, is that from five in the +afternoon almost every respectable-looking person has disappeared, and +the town seems given over to the populace. Like the City proper in +London, Glasgow is only occupied by the superior classes during business +hours. From four to five o'clock there is a general stampede towards the +railway stations. The _employe_, who earns two or three hundred a year, +has his villa or cottage in the suburbs. The rich merchant, the +engineer, the ironmaster, all these live far from the city. + +The streets of Glasgow, from six or seven in the evening, are entirely +given up to the manufacturing population--the dirtiest and roughest to +be seen anywhere, I should think. + +I have seen poverty and vice in Paris, in London, in Dublin, and +Brussels, but they are nothing to compare to the spectacle that Glasgow +presents. It is the living illustration of some unwritten page of Dante. + +"But there is money in Glasgow." + + * * * * * + +The lower-class women of London do wear a semblance of a toilette: fur +mantles in rags, battered, greasy hats with faded flowers, flounced +skirts in tatters--an apology for a costume, in short. + +But here, there is nothing of all that. No finery, not even a hat. The +tartan seems to take the place of all. + +The attributions of this tartan are multiple. It is as useful to the +women of the lower classes in the great Scotch towns as the reindeer is +to the Laplander. + +This tartan serves them as a hood when it is cold; as an umbrella when +it rains; as a blanket in winter nights; as a mattress in summer ones; +as a basket when they go to market; a towel when they do their own and +their children's dry-polishing; a cradle for their babies, which they +carry either slung over their back, Hottentot fashion, or hanging in +front, like the kangaroos. When poverty presses hard, the tartan goes to +the pawnbroker's shop, whence it issues in the form of a sixpence or a +shilling, according to its value. After living in them they live on +them, and so these useful servants pass from external to internal use, +and appease the hunger or thirst of their owners for a day or two. A +very godsend this tartan, as you see. + +A Glasgow police inspector told me that, having one day to make a search +at a pawnbroker's in the town, he had found more than fifteen hundred of +these shawls on the premises. "Many of those poor borrowers are Irish," +he said. Did he say this to pass on to a neighbour that which seemed to +him a disgrace to his own country? In any case, it is a fact that there +are a great number of Irish in Glasgow. + +No doubt poverty, with its accompaniments of shame and vice, exists in +all great cities; but here it has a distressing aspect that it presents +in no other country. The Arab beggar makes one smile as he majestically +drapes around him his picturesque, multicoloured rags; the lazzarone, +lying on the quay of Naples under the radiant Italian sky, is a prince +compared to the wretch who drags out his existence in the dirty streets +or garrets of Glasgow. + +"But there is money in Glasgow." + +In Paris, the newspapers are sold in shops or pretty kiosks kept by +clean, tidy, respectable women. In London and other large English towns, +the papers are cried in the streets by low-class men and boys. In +Glasgow and Edinburgh the work is done by ragged children, who literally +besiege you as you walk the streets: poor little girls half-naked, +shivering, and starving, with their feet in the mud, try to earn a few +pence to appease their own hunger, or, perhaps, furnish an unnatural +parent with the means of getting tipsy. Others have a little stock of +matches that they look at with an envious eye, one fancies, as one +thinks of Andersen's touching tale. + +Oh, pity for the poor little children! + +In a country so Christian, so philanthropic, can it be that childhood is +abandoned thus? Asylums for the aged are to be seen in plenty, and is +not youth still more interesting than age, and must it needs commit some +crime before it has the right to enter some house of refuge? + +I cannot tell you how sad the sight of those poor little beings, +forsaken of God and man, made me feel. + +But how shall I describe my feelings when, having drawn the attention of +a Scotchman who was with me to one of these pitiful little creatures, I +heard him say: + +"Do not stop, the immorality of those children is awful." + +No, it is not possible; it must be a bad dream, a hideous nightmare. + +"It is a fact," said my companion, who knows Glasgow as he knows +himself. + +"But there is money in it." + +It seems incomprehensible that these children should not be reclaimed, +still more incomprehensible that no one seeks to do it. The money spent +in statues of Wellington would more than suffice, and the Iron Duke +would be none the worse off in Paradise. + +Yes, this is what may be seen in Glasgow, in that city so pious, that to +calm the feelings of some of the inhabitants, the literary and +scientific lectures which used to be given to the people on Sunday +evenings in Saint Andrew's Hall have had to be discontinued. + +Heaven be thanked, Glasgow is not Scotland, and we can go and rejoice +our eyes in Edinburgh, Aberdeen, Braemar, and elsewhere, and admire the +lakes and the blue mountains. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + + Edinburgh -- Glasgow's Opinion thereof, and vice versa. -- High + Street. -- The old Town. -- John Knox's House. -- The old + Parliament House. -- Holyrood Palace. -- Mary Stuart. -- + Arthur's Seat. -- The University. -- The Castle. -- Princes + Street. -- Two Greek Buildings. -- The Statues. -- Walter Scott. + -- The inevitable Wellington again. -- Calton Hill. -- The + Athens of the North and the modern Parthenon. -- Why did not the + Scotch buy the ancient Parthenon of the modern Greeks? -- Lord + Elgin. -- The Acropolis of Edinburgh. -- Nelson for a Change. + + +A railway journey of an hour and ten minutes transports you from +darkness into light. You leave Glasgow in gloom, wrapped in its eternal +winding-sheet of fog and mud, and you arrive at Edinburgh to find clean +streets, pure air, and a clear beautiful sky. Such at least was my own +experience, six times repeated. The prospect delights the eyes and +heart; your lungs begin to do their work easily; you breathe freely once +more, and once more feel glad to be alive. + +You alight at Waverley Station in the centre of the city. You cannot do +better than go straightway and take up your quarters at the Royal Hotel, +Princes Street, opposite the gigantic Gothic monument erected to Walter +Scott. Ask for a room looking on the street. Take possession of it +without delay, and open your window: the sight that will meet your gaze +is truly enchanting. At your feet, the most elegant street imaginable. +No houses opposite: only large gardens, beautifully kept, sloping +gracefully away to the bottom of a valley, whence the ground rises +almost perpendicularly, bearing on its summit houses of a prodigious +height. It is the old town of Edinburgh, where everything will bring +back memories of Mary Stuart and the novels of Scott. On the right the +famous castle perched on a sheer rock nearly four hundred feet high; the +whole bathed in a blue-grey haze that forms a light veil to soften its +colouring and contour. It is impossible to imagine a more romantic sight +in the midst of a large modern city. + +Whether your tastes be archaeological or artistic, you will be able to +satisfy them in one of the two towns of Edinburgh, the old city to the +south, or the modern town to the north. + +The Glasgow folks say there is not much money made in Edinburgh, and +speak of the place with a certain contempt, which the Edinburgh people +return with interest. + +It is always amusing to hear the dwellers in neighbouring towns run each +other down: Manchester and Liverpool, Brighton and Hastings. The nearer +the rival towns are to each other, the livelier and more diverting is +the jealousy. Go and ask a Saint-Malo man what he thinks of +Saint-Servan, and _vice versa_! + +"Ah! you are going to Edinburgh," the Glasgow people say to you; "it is +full of snobs, who give themselves airs and are as poor as Job. Ours is +a substantial place, sir. We've no time to waste on nonsense here; we go +in for commerce and manufactures." + +"Ah! you have just come from Glasgow," say the Edinburgh people. "What +do you think of the illiterate parvenus that are for ever rattling their +money bags? You will find no worship of the golden calf here; we +cultivate the beautiful, and go in for science and literature, not +manufactures; our town is essentially one of learning." + +This is true. Edinburgh is one of the most important intellectual +centres of the world, and its celebrated university, and learned +societies, have justly earned for it the appellation of "the Athens of +the North," a name which this unique city deserves also on account of +its natural features, the style in which it is built, and the numerous +monuments it possesses. + + * * * * * + +Edinburgh has a population of 350,000 inhabitants, including the sentry +at Holyrood Palace. + +According to d'Anville, the city stands on the site of the Roman station +of Alata Castra. Towards the year 626 the fortress became the residence +of Edwin, King of Northumbria, who gave it his name. + +The old city was entirely destroyed by fire in 1537. That which now +bears the name of _old town_ dates from the end of the sixteenth century +and the beginning of the seventeenth. + +The modern part of Edinburgh was begun at the close of last century, and +the handsomest streets are of a quite recent date. + +_A tout seigneur tout honneur._ Let us commence our inspection by a +visit to Holyrood Palace. + +I should like to transform this little volume into a guide-book, and +give you the history of all the houses we are passing, as we go through +the old town, for almost every one has its history. There on your left +is the house of John Knox, with its flight of steps, its overhanging +stories, and, over the door, the inscription, "Love God above all, and +your neighbour as yourself." Here is the house where Cromwell decided on +the execution of Charles I.; there Hume and Smollett wrote history. + +At the end of Canongate, the prolongation of High Street, we come out on +a large open square. The palace of Holyrood is before us. + +Standing in a hollow, and surrounded by high hills, the aspect of the +palace is most sombre. From the moment you cross the threshold, a +thousand sad thoughts assail you. You are in the home of Mary Stuart. +Everything speaks to you of her. Her sweet, tragic face, her noble +presence, her thoughtful brow--you see all again in these halls instinct +with her souvenir. They haunt the place as they still haunt the memory +of the Scotch. In spite of her bigotry, in spite of all the crimes +historians have imputed to her, the Scotch cherish her memory, think +only of her misfortunes and sufferings, and will not hear you speak of +her with anything but respect. One may easily imagine the ascendency +which this woman must have had over those who came in contact with her. + +But let us go in, and first we must get our sixpences ready; for in this +country, where _l'hospitalite se donne_, you must pay everywhere, and on +entering too, for fear you may not be pleased when you come out: _to +avoid misunderstandings_, as the Scotch put it. + +On the first floor we enter the picture gallery. It is here that the +Scotch peers are elected. The room contains portraits of the Scottish +kings, from Fergus I. to James VII. At the end of it we find a door +which leads to the apartments occupied by the unfortunate princess. +Small windows throw a feeble light on the sombre tapestries; though the +day is fine, it is difficult to distinguish the various objects of +furniture. There is an air of mystery about the place. Poor Mary! After +the gay French court, what a tomb must this palace have seemed! Between +two windows is a little mirror that must often have reflected back the +image of that beautiful countenance, stamped with sadness, the fair head +that was one day to roll at the feet of the executioner. Close by, a +portrait which must be a libel on so gracious an original. At the two +extremities of the bedroom two little closets--I had almost said, +cells--formed in the towers which overhang from the outside. The one on +the left is the dressing-room; that on the right the supper-room. Near +the latter a door leads to the secret staircase. You can reconstruct for +yourself the scene of the murder of the favourite Italian secretary, who +paid with his blood for the honour of having now and then cheered the +heart of the queen with his songs. On the floor of the audience-room you +are shown the stains of the unhappy Rizzio's blood. It was here, too, +that Chastelard, grandson of Bayard, declared his love to his royal +mistress, whom he had accompanied to Scotland on her departure from the +French court. Poor Chastelard! he, too, payed with his life for the love +which the enchantress had inspired in him, not for this first +declaration, which was forgiven him, but for a graver offence, committed +at Rossend Castle, of which I shall have occasion to speak presently. + +A visit to Holyrood always leaves a painful impression. It is the temple +of misfortune, and I can understand Queen Victoria's preference for the +bright breezy Highlands. + +On our return through Canongate and High Street, we shall come to the +Castle. Without going much out of our way, we can go and see the +Parliament House and the University; but first, let us go to the summit +of Arthur's Seat, a hill eight hundred and twenty-two feet high, +situated behind the Palace of Holyrood. The ascent is not difficult, +and the magnificence of the panorama that meets the eyes is beyond +description. + +The House where the Scotch Parliament met before the union of the Scotch +and English Crowns, is now transformed into Courts of Law. This building +is interesting not only on account of the souvenirs it evokes, but also +on account of the hopes it keeps alive in the hearts of the Scotch. +Before many years have elapsed, the representatives of Scotland will +probably sit there to manage the local affairs of the nation. + +Edinburgh University, which dates from the year 1582, is the finest +edifice of the kind in Europe: two hundred and fifty-five feet long, by +three hundred and fifty-eight broad. A library of one hundred and fifty +thousand volumes (sixpence entrance). Rare manuscripts. Magnificent +lecture rooms. Over three thousand students work under most eminent +professors. + +Facing the University is the Museum of Arts and Science. For a list of +the innumerable treasures it contains, I must refer the reader to guides +to Scotland. + +The Royal Infirmary, with its numerous buildings, in the midst of which +rises a tower thirty-three feet high, arrests our attention a few +moments. From here we can turn down High Street to admire the Cathedral +of Saint Giles, so full of souvenirs of the Reformation, and then +continue our course up the great street of the old city, as far as the +famous Edinburgh Castle, a feudal edifice standing on the summit of a +perpendicular rock, from whence you can survey the old and new towns. + +The Crown Room contains the insignia of the Scottish sovereigns. Close +to it is the room where Mary Stuart gave birth to the son who was to +unite the crowns of England and Scotland. In this rapid glimpse of +Edinburgh, it would be out of place to enter into all the history of the +Castle, the sieges it has stood, and so on. Historical castles all +resemble each other a little; but that which makes the interest of this +one unique is its marvellous position: the sixteenth century at your +right; the hills and the sea beyond; on your left, the parks; in front, +nearly four hundred feet below you, the beautiful modern town, with its +elegant buildings, straight, wide streets, and its statues; a little in +the distance, Calton Hill, with its Greek monuments; beyond again, Leith +with its harbour bristling with masts; you are chained to the spot in +admiration. + +Following the castle terrace, we will descend towards the new town, and +come out at the west of Princes Street. + +We are walking towards the East. On our left, we shall have the shops; +on our right, the public gardens, a mixture of _Boulevard des Italiens_ +and _Champs Elysees_. Everything here is in perfect taste. Look at the +statues judiciously placed about the public gardens, streets, and +squares! + +O George Square! + +Here is a shop-window full of photographs. Let us stop and look in: they +are not portraits of actresses and fashionable beauties, but chiefly of +professors of the University, of which Edinburgh is so proud. Remarkable +among them is Professor Blackie, his fine head recalling a likeness of +Lizst. It was this same Professor Blackie on whom the people of Glasgow +made such an attack about two years ago, for having given, one Sunday in +Saint Andrew's Hall, a most charming and poetical discourse on the Songs +of Scotland. + +The sweep of the public gardens on the right is agreeably broken by two +specimens of the most elegant Greek architecture: they are the buildings +of the Royal Institution and the National Gallery. Nothing could be more +graceful, more Attic, than these twin structures. The first contains +thousands of national relics, from the pulpit of Knox to the Ribbon of +the Garter worn by Prince Charles Stuart. The second is an admirable +museum of painting and sculpture. + +The most striking monument of Princes Street is the one which was +erected to Walter Scott in 1844. It has the form of a Gothic steeple, +and is not less than two hundred feet high. It resembles somewhat the +Albert Memorial in Hyde Park, but with this difference, that, while +designed with ten times as much taste, it cost about a tenth of the +money. The novelist's heroes and heroines are gracefully placed in the +niches; the author himself is seated in an attitude of contemplation in +the midst of his creations. Now for the comic side of the thing. A +staircase conducts to the summit of the monument, to which you may mount +for the sum of twopence. + +On the East of Princes Street are two very fine buildings--the Post +Office and the Register Office, or resting-place of the national +archives. This latter building has a magnificent flight of steps, in +front of which is an equestrian statue--you guess whose, of course: the +inevitable, the eternal, the never-to-be-sufficiently-paraded. + +What a bore that creature is! + +I am quite willing to admit that Wellington did exist, and that he +rendered his country service; but is that a reason for turning him into +a bore? He is a very nightmare! + +Napoleon, surely, was as great a general as Wellington. We have placed +him on the top of the Vendome Column, but we had the good taste not to +stick him up in every provincial city. + +That is true, you will perhaps say; but Wellington saved his country, +whereas Napoleon ruined his. That is not my opinion; but we will not +argue. + +Joan of Arc saved France. We have her statue at Domremy, where she was +born; at Orleans, where she handed over to her king his kingdom; and at +Rouen, where she suffered death. + +I should understand every Scotch town having a statue of Burns, and +another of Scott. These two geniuses personify Scotland; they remind +the Scotch that Scotland is a nation, with a literature of her own; +they keep up patriotism in every heart. But what did Wellington do for +Scotland? If, in 1840, for instance, the Scotch had asked the English to +give them their national rights and their parliament, Wellington is +probably the general who would have gone to reduce them to order. + +But let us say no more about it. We will continue our walk to the end of +Princes Street. Here we are at the foot of Calton Hill. By means of +flights of steps and paths we pass the Observatory, and reach the top, +to see the monument erected to Nelson's memory (threepence entrance). + +Between this monument and the Observatory, there stands a reproduction +of the Parthenon. This is what chiefly suggested the idea of calling +Edinburgh the Athens of the North. Calton Hill does its best to play the +part of the Acropolis. But, unhappily, this Parthenon, built to +commemorate the victory of Waterloo, remains unfinished for want of +funds. It is true that this lends it a ruined look, which does not give +a bad effect to the scene. But L20,000 to make a ruin is dear. In that +time the Greeks would have sold the Scots the real Parthenon for half +the money. Half the money! What am I talking about? for a timepiece. Go +to the British Museum and see what Lord Elgin got for a clock: the +marbles and frieze of the Parthenon, the bas-reliefs of Phidias, columns +from the temple of Diana at Ephesus, the epitaph of the Athenians who +died at Potidoea, the bas-reliefs of the temple of AEgina. Lord Elgin was +a business-like Scotchman. In 1816 the English bought his collection of +him for L36,000. They would not sell it to-day for L500,000. + +Going round the Acropolis we will descend near the High School, the most +important school in Edinburgh, opposite which stands the monument to +Robert Burns (twopence entrance). It is rather insignificant-looking, +and reminds one of that erected by the Athenians in memory of +Lysicrates. Cost, L2,600. + +I pass over many museums and institutions; but I hope I have succeeded +in showing that Edinburgh is a place to be seen, and quite repays one +for the trouble of a long journey. + +And now let us see what kind of people one meets in the streets of +Edinburgh. After that, I will ask your permission to take you across the +Firth of Forth, and show you a castle little known in England, where I +hope we shall be able to pass a little time pleasantly. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + + Where are the Scotch? -- Something wanting in the Landscape. -- + The Inhabitants. -- The Highlanders and the Servant Girls. -- + Evening in Princes Street. -- Leith and the Firth of Forth. -- + Rossend Castle at Burntisland. -- Mary Stuart once more. -- I + receive Scotch Hospitality in the Bedroom where Chastelard was + as enterprising as unfortunate. + + +With the exception of the famous tartan shawls, which we come across +again in Edinburgh on the backs of the lower-class women, nothing in the +costume of the inhabitants could remind you that you were not in Paris, +London, Brussels, or any other haunt of that badge of modern +civilisation, the chimney-pot. In Glasgow this does not shock you more +than it would in Manchester or Birmingham; but, in the romantic city of +Edinburgh, even the whistle of the railway engine annoys you; the cap +and kilt are sadly felt wanting, and you almost want to stop the +passers-by and ask them: "Where are your kilts?" You feel as if you were +cheated out of something. + +Alas! the national costume of the Scotch is almost a thing of the past: +it is no longer a dress--it is a get-up. + +You may see it yet at fancy dress balls, in the army of Her Britannic +Majesty, at the Paris Opera-Comique, and in the comic papers. + +I believe the Royal Princes occasionally don it, when they go to +Scotland in the autumn to shoot; but even in the remote Highlands the +national costume is dying out, and if you count upon seeing Scotchmen, +dressed Scotch fashion in Scotland, you will be disappointed. As well +look for lions in the outskirts of Algiers, or a pretty woman in the +streets of Berne. + +A gentleman in kilts would make as great a sensation in the streets of +Edinburgh as he would on the Boulevard des Italiens. Nay, more, if he +stood still, he might have pence offered him. + +The costume of _Dickson_ in _La Dame Blanche_ is only seen on the backs +of those splendid Highlanders whom the maidservants in large towns hire +by the afternoon on Sundays to accompany them to the parks. + +In London you will sometimes see Highlanders--from Whitechapel--playing +the bagpipes and dancing reels, talents which bring an ample harvest of +pennies in populous neighbourhoods, but which would fall rather flat in +Edinburgh. + +I cannot imagine anything much more picturesque than Princes Street at +night, when the old city in amphitheatre-shape, on the other side of the +valley, stands out from the sky which it seems to touch with its old +sombre majestic castle, and its houses ten or twelve stories high, +rising tier above tier up the side of the hill, and shining with a +thousand lights. I can understand that the inhabitants of Edinburgh +enjoy to come out in the evening and feast their eyes on the enchanting +sight, and this even in winter, when the street is a very funnel for the +east wind which blows across straight from the Scandinavian icebergs. + +Edinburgh is the only town in Great Britain, which I have visited, whose +streets are not shunned by respectable people at night. + + * * * * * + +A fine road about two miles long leads to Leith, which stands for Piraeus +to the Scotch Athens. There, in the mud and smoke, dwells a population +of sixty thousand toil-stained folk, who contrast strongly with their +elegant neighbours of Edinburgh. There is nothing here to attract the +eye of the traveller, unless it be the harbour with its two piers--one +3,530, the other 3,123 feet long--where the inhabitants can go and +breathe the sea air, away from the noise and smoke of the town. + +Along the coast to the west, two miles from Leith, we come upon the +interesting village of Newhaven. Here we find a little world apart, +composed of fisherfolk, all related one to another, it is said. They +treat as Philistines all who did not first see the light in their +sanctuary, and the result is that they are constantly intermarrying. All +the men work at fishing. The women go to Edinburgh to sell what their +husbands catch, and bring back empty baskets and full pockets. These +worthy women would think they were robbing their dear village if they +bought the least thing in Edinburgh. Needless to say, the little +community prospers. To see the costume of the women, who, in no point +imitate the ridiculous get-up of their sisters in great towns; to see +the activity and zeal for their work, one would believe oneself in +France. + +"All the skippers own their own boats, and the pretty little houses they +live in," said the Scotchman who accompanied me. + +And how neat and clean they look, those little white houses covered with +climbing plants of all sorts! The whole scene speaks loudly of the work, +thrift, and order of the people. + +By pushing on two miles further we come to Granton. There we can take +the boat which will carry us over the Firth of Forth, and set us down at +Burntisland in Fifeshire; but instead of there taking the train to the +north of Scotland, we will stop to see Rossend Castle. + +Standing on a promontory, which dominates the Firth of Forth and the +hills of Edinburgh, Rossend Castle is one of the most romantic places in +Scotland. + +Its old square tower contains the bedroom used by Mary Stuart when she +travelled in Fifeshire, and stopped at the castle. The present owner, +whose hospitality is proverbial in the neighbourhood, has religiously +preserved the room intact. It is there just as it existed three hundred +years ago, with its two little turret-rooms, oak wainscoting, and a +thousand relics of its unhappy visitor. + +The portrait of Mary Stuart at Rossend is the most striking that I saw +in Scotland. Placed over the mantelpiece, it seems to fill the room with +its dreamy melancholy gaze. It seems to follow you, and you cannot take +your eyes off it. I occupied this room for four nights, a prey to the +saddest thoughts. It was in the month of January, and the wind, which +was blowing hard across the Firth, roared round the tower. With my feet +before the fire, which burned in the immense fireplace, I let my fancy +reconstruct the scene in which poor Chastelard lost his head, first +figuratively, and then in reality. + +As I mentioned in the preceding chapter, my young and handsome +countryman Pierre de Boscosel de Chastelard had conceived a mad passion +for the queen. He had dared to declare this love in the Holyrood Palace. +His offence was forgiven. + +Imagining, from the fact of his having been pardoned, that he had +succeeded in inspiring affection in the heart of his royal mistress, the +poor moth must needs flutter again around the flame, which was to be his +destruction. The romantic troubadour secretly followed the queen from +Edinburgh to Rossend Castle, and, on the night of the 14th of February, +1562, hid himself in her chamber, until she was almost undressed for the +night, when he left his hiding-place, and, seizing the queen in his +arms, so alarmed her, that she screamed for protection. This woman who, +to avenge Rizzio's death, did not hesitate to have a barrel of powder +placed under her husband's bed, felt herself insulted. Her cries +attracted her attendants, and Murray was ordered by the indignant queen +to stab the young madman dead then and there. But Murray preferred to +wreak his wrath on Chastelard, whom he hated, by having him hanged. The +poor secretary, who had been so favoured by his mistress that all the +courtiers were jealous of him, who had so often beguiled her solitude by +his poems and his music, went cheerfully to the scaffold. Like Cornelius +de Witt, who, a century later, recited Horace's _Justum et tenacem_ +while the executioner of The Hague put him to the torture, Chastelard +mounted the scaffold calm and smiling, reciting Rousard's _Ode to Love_. + +"I die not without reproach, like my ancestor Bayard," said he; "but, +like him, I die without fear." + +And then, turning his eyes towards the castle inhabited by Mary Stuart, +he cried: + +"Adieu, thou cruel but beautiful one, who killest me, but whom I cannot +cease to love!" + +Rossend Castle is a veritable poem in stone. Do not visit Edinburgh +without pushing to Burntisland. The _chatelain_ is justly proud of his +romantic home, and does the honours of it with a kind grace that charms +the visitor. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX. + + Aberdeen, the Granite City. -- No sign of the Statue of "you + know whom." -- All Grey. -- The Town and its Suburbs. -- + Character of the Aberdonian. -- Why London could not give an + Ovation to a Provost of Aberdeen. -- Blue Hill. -- Aberdeen + Society. -- A thoughtful Caretaker. -- To this Aberdonian's + Disappointment, I do not appear in Tights before the Aberdeen + Public. + + +It does not enter into the plan of this book to give a detailed +description of the principal towns and sites in Scotland. That can be +found in any guide-book. + +The aim of this little volume is to give an idea of the character and +customs of the Scotch, from _Souvenirs_ of several visits made by the +author to the land of Burns and Scott. + +But a few words must be said on the subject of the City of Granite. + +Aberdeen is a large, clean-looking town, with more than a hundred +thousand inhabitants; wide, regular streets, fine edifices, and many +statues, among which we are happy, for a change, not to find that of +_you know whom_. + +If Glasgow and Dundee are the principal centres of commercial activity +in Scotland, Edinburgh and Aberdeen are the two great centres of +learning. + +Union Street, the principal thoroughfare, is about half-a-mile long, and +is built entirely of light grey granite, which gives it a rather +monotonous aspect. Public buildings, churches, private houses, +pavements, all are grey; the inhabitants are mostly dressed in grey, and +look where you will, you seem to see nothing but grey. + +Just as it is in London, Edinburgh, and Glasgow, the fashionable quarter +is the west, and the poor live in the east. + +Is this due to chance? + +The most conspicuous edifice of the town is the Municipal Building, +forming a town hall and a court of justice. The most interesting is +Marischal College, the home of the Faculty and School of Medicine, which +now form part of the University of Aberdeen, after having had a separate +existence for two hundred and sixty-six years. The college is a very +fine building, but is unfortunately hemmed in by a number of other +buildings which hide its _facade_. + +A mile from the town stands the college of the university (King's +College), built in 1495 on the model of the Paris university. Most of +the Scotch buildings, which date from the fifteenth and sixteenth +centuries, have a very pronounced French character. + +I would advise tourists, who go as far north as Aberdeen, not to miss +making the ascension of the Blue Hill, which is about four miles from +the town. From the summit of this hill, they will see a delightful +panorama of Aberdeen, a stretch of fifty or sixty miles of coast, the +ruins of the celebrated castle of Dunnottar, and all the valley of the +Dee framed in hills. It is a grand sight; unfortunately, to thoroughly +bring out its beauties, a clear sky is essential, and there comes the +rub. + + * * * * * + +The county of Aberdeen is not only one of the great intellectual centres +of Scotland, it is the home of Caledonian shrewdness and pawkiness. +Aberdeenshire alone furnished more than half the anecdotes collected by +Dean Ramsay. + +The Aberdonians are the chosen people, the elect of God. + +Every Scot is proud of his nationality, but an Aberdonian will tell you: +"Not only am I a Scotchman, but I was born in Aberdeen." + +And true enough, "tak' awa' Aberdeen, and twal' miles round, and faar +are ye?" + +It is related that a provost of Aberdeen, having come to London with his +wife, someone recommended the lady to be sure and go to Covent Garden to +see the opera. + +"No," she replied, "we have come to London to be quiet and not to +receive ovations. We shall not show ourselves in public during our stay +in the capital." + +Her resolution was adhered to, and London saw them not. + +For the future life, the Aberdonian has no fears, and if he will only +recommend you to Saint Peter, you will not have to wait long at the +gates of Paradise. + +Society in Aberdeen is of the choicest. Its aristocracy is an +aristocracy of talent. In Aberdeen, as in Edinburgh, the local lions are +the professors of the university, literary people, doctors, barristers, +and artists. To cut a figure there, you need not jingle your guineas, +but only show your brains and good manners. In Glasgow, show your +_savoir-faire_; but, in Edinburgh and Aberdeen, your _savoir-vivre_. + + * * * * * + +I cannot quit the subject of Aberdeen without relating a little incident +which exceedingly diverted me. + +A few hours before delivering a lecture at the Albert Hall, I paid a +visit to the place to see if my reading-desk had been properly arranged. +Great was my surprise, on entering the hall, to see near the platform an +elegant improvised green-room, curtained off. I asked the caretaker if +there was not a retiring-room, in which I could await the moment for +beginning my lecture, to which he replied: + +"Yes, sir; we have an anteroom over there, but I have set apart this +little green-room, because I thought it would be more comfortable for +you to go and change your dresses in during the performance." + +The worthy fellow evidently imagined that I was going to appear in +tights before the lairds of Aberdeen. + +The learned professor, who had kindly come to introduce me to my +audience, laughed heartily with me over the joke. + + + + +CHAPTER XXX. + + The Thistle. -- "Nemo me impune lacessit." -- "Honi soit qui + Mollet pince." -- Political Aspirations of the Scotch. -- + Signification of Liberalism in Scotland. -- Self-Government in + the near Future. -- Coercive Pills. -- The Disunited Kingdom. -- + The United Empire. + + +The emblem of Scotland is the thistle, the device _Nemo me impune +lacessit_. + +The great Order of Scotland is that of the Thistle, or Saint Andrew, the +patron saint of the country, and was instituted by James V. in +1534--that is to say, about two hundred years after Edward III. of +England had founded the Order of the Garter. + +_A propos_ of this Garter, what fables and anecdotes have been written! +Historians even are not agreed as to the origin of the famous device: +_Honi soit qui mal y pense_. + +The explanation which seems to be the most plausible is this: + +The Countess of Salisbury, King Edward III.'s mistress, dropped her +garter at a ball. The king picked it up; but, as the worthy descendant +of a bashful race, he did not attempt to replace it, but turning towards +his courtiers, said: + +"My lords, _honi soit qui mollet pince_." + +Then he advanced towards the countess and gave her her garter. + +The king's expression became corrupted into: + +_Honi soit qui mal y pense._ + +This is the correct version, you may depend on it. + + * * * * * + +The Scots are a nation of hardy, valiant men, whom the English never +would have succeeded in conquering by force of arms. + +The Scotch will tell you that it was not England that annexed them, it +was they who annexed England. Let us not grudge them this consolation, +if it gives them any pleasure. + +It is a fact that, on the death of Elizabeth, James VI. of +Scotland--Mary Stuart's son--was called to fill the English throne, and +thus united the crowns of England and Scotland. + +But these conquering Scots begin to perceive that they are treated +rather like conquered Scots at the Palace of Westminster, and they do +not like it. + +"They are very quiet under it," you may say; "one does not hear them +complaining like the Irish." + +That is true: Donald is patient, and knows how to bide his time. + +The Irish question overwhelms every other political one just now in +England. We all know that the Irish demand Home Rule, and as we do not +hear the Scotch and the Welsh talked of, we conclude that these two +peoples are comfortably enjoying life under the best of possible +governments. + +Scotland and Wales content themselves for the present with sending +Liberal members to the British Parliament. But with them the word +"Liberal" has not the political sense which it possesses in England, it +has a rather revolutionary meaning. I do not mean by this that it +implies an idea of rebellion. + +No. But in their vocabulary it is almost synonymous with _autonomist_. + +The English Liberals are men who are convinced that things are not +perfect, and who admit the possibility of reforms. + +In the eyes of the Scotch, Liberalism consists in preparing to ask one +day for a great reform: Home Rule. Before ten years have passed, we +shall see Scotland and Wales electing Home Rule candidates, as Ireland +is doing now. + +The Scotch will consent to remain British on condition that the English +allow them to become Scotch--that is to say, to manage for themselves +matters which have no connection with the Empire, and concern the Scotch +people alone; such as religion, education, and the administration of +justice. They are too shrewd to desire to become once more Scots pure +and simple, and so renounce their part and profit in the gigantic +concern called the British Empire. They will continue to send members to +Westminster to take part in the work of governing the Empire, but they +will have a parliament or a council at Edinburgh, whose business it will +be to look after matters purely Scotch. + +They would be willing to walk hand-in-hand with England, but not by +means of handcuffs. + +The English are fond of talking of Scotland as if it were a county of +England. The Scotch mean that Scotland shall be Scotland. + +"Let the English look after England," they say, "and we will look after +Scotland. As soon as a question relating to the British Empire arises, +we will be as British as they. We do not want to destroy the unity of +the Empire, or to break off our relations with the Parliament; but we +simply wish to do as we like at home." + +There is nothing extraordinary in such a demand. + +When the Scotch, or the Irish, win a battle, it is immediately announced +in the papers that "the English have gained a victory." But let an +Irishman or a Scotchman commit a crime, and John Bull quickly cries out: + +"It is an Irishman," or "It is a Scotchman." + +"Let it be each one to himself, and each for himself," says Donald, "so +long as it is a question of England or Scotland. But when it is a +question of the great Motherland, then we will all be Britons." + +The English have this good point: they know that it is good policy not +to try and prevent the inevitable, but rather to put a good face upon +it. They know that that which is given ungraciously is received +ungratefully. + +They are now administering the eighty-seventh coercive pill to the +Irish. That will be the last. + +In two or three years time, Ireland will belong to the Irish, as, later +on, Scotland will belong to the Scotch. + +The United Kingdom will only be the more powerful for it. Having no more +internal squabbles to fear, it will present a formidable quadruple +breast to the outer world. + +London will be the political centre of an immense imperial federation. +England, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, India, the Cape, Canada, Australia, +all will be represented in a Parliament really Britannic. Their capitals +will be the respective leaders of this grand team. + +The British Empire will be built upon hearts in all parts of the globe. + +If there is no longer any United Kingdom, neither will there be a +Disunited Kingdom, and instead there will be something much more +imposing, much more powerful, there will be + + THE UNITED EMPIRE. + + * * * * * + + + + +ARROWSMITH'S BRISTOL LIBRARY. + + + "Novel readers ought to bless Mr. Arrowsmith for providing them + with volumes of moderate size and price."--_Sunday Gems._ + + _Fcap. 8vo, stiff covers, 1/-; cloth, 1/6 (postage 2d.) each._ + + TITLE. AUTHOR. + + #CALLED BACK.# HUGH CONWAY. + #BROWN-EYES.# MAY CROMMELIN. + #DARK DAYS.# HUGH CONWAY. + #FORT MINSTER, M.P.# Sir E. J. REED, K.C.B., M.P. + #THE RED CARDINAL.# Mrs. FRANCES ELLIOT. + #THE TINTED VENUS.# F. ANSTEY. + #JONATHAN'S HOME.# ALAN DALE. + #SLINGS AND ARROWS.# HUGH CONWAY. + #OUT OF THE MISTS.# DANIEL DORMER. + #KATE PERCIVAL.# Mrs. J. COMYNS CARR. + #KALEE'S SHRINE.# GRANT ALLEN. + #CARRISTON'S GIFT.# HUGH CONWAY. + #THE MARK OF CAIN.# ANDREW LANG. + #PLUCK.# J. STRANGE WINTER. + #DEAR LIFE.# Mrs. J. E. PANTON. + #GLADYS' PERIL.# JOHN COLEMAN and JOHN C. CHUTE. + #WHOSE HAND?# or, The Mystery W. G. WILLS and The Hon. Mrs. GREENE. + of No Man's Heath. + #THAT WINTER NIGHT.# ROBERT BUCHANAN. + #THE GUILTY RIVER.# WILKIE COLLINS. + #FATAL SHADOWS.# Mrs. L. L. LEWIS. + #THE LOVELY WANG.# Hon. L. WINGFIELD. + #PATTY'S PARTNER.# JEAN MIDDLEMASS. + "#V.R.#" A Comedy of Errors. EDWARD ROSE. + The #PARK LANE MYSTERY.# A JOSEPH HATTON. + Story of Love and Magic. + + _Bristol_: J. W. ARROWSMITH, 11 QUAY STREET. + _London_: SIMPKIN, MARSHALL, & Co., 4 STATIONERS' HALL COURT. + And Railway Bookstalls. + + + + +Arrowsmith's Christmas Annual. + + + #KATHARINE REGINA.# + By WALTER BESANT. + [_October 29th._ + + + _Crown Quarto. Price Five Shillings._ + + #KING DIDDLE.# + BY + H. C. 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