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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Friend Mac Donald, by Max O'Rell
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Friend Mac Donald
+
+Author: Max O'Rell
+
+Release Date: October 25, 2010 [EBook #33883]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRIEND MAC DONALD ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+          TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE: Punctuation has been normalized.
+
+
+
+
+                         _All rights reserved_
+
+                           Friend Mac Donald
+
+                                   BY
+
+                               MAX O'RELL
+
+                               AUTHOR OF
+                    "JOHN BULL AND HIS ISLAND," ETC
+
+
+                      Arrowsmith's Bristol Library
+                                VOL. XXV
+
+
+                                BRISTOL
+                    J. W. ARROWSMITH, 11 QUAY STREET
+
+                                 LONDON
+           SIMPKIN, MARSHALL & CO., 4 STATIONERS' HALL COURT
+
+                                  1887
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+
+CHAP. I. -- A Word to Donald. -- The Scotch Anecdote and its Character.
+-- The Scotch painted by Themselves.
+
+CHAP. II. -- Donald, a British Subject, but no Englishman. -- Opinion of
+the greatest English Wit on the Scotch, and the worth of that Opinion.
+-- The Wit of Donald and the Wit of the Cockney. -- Intelligence and
+Intellectuality. -- Donald's Exterior. -- Donald's Interior. -- Help
+yourself and Heaven will help you. -- An Irish and a Scotch Servant
+facing a Difficulty. -- How a small Scotchman may make himself useful in
+the Hour of Danger. -- Characteristics. -- Donald on Train Journeys.
+--One Way of avoiding Tolls.
+
+CHAP. III. -- All Scots know how to Reckon. -- Rabelais in Scotland.
+--How Donald made Twopence-halfpenny by going to the Lock-up.
+--Difference between Buying and Stealing. -- Scotch Honesty. -- Last
+Words of a Father to his Son. -- Abraham in Scotland. -- How Donald
+outdid Jonathan. -- Circumspection, Insinuations, and Negations.
+--Delicious Declarations of Love. -- Laconism. -- Conversation reduced
+to its simplest Expression. -- A, e, i, o, u. -- A Visit to Thomas
+Carlyle. --The Silent Academy of Hamadan. -- With the Author's
+Compliments.
+
+CHAP. IV. -- The traditional Hospitality of the Highlands. -- One more
+fond Belief gone. -- Highland Bills. -- Donald's two Trinities. -- Never
+trust Donald on Saturdays and Mondays. -- The Game he prefers. -- A
+Well-informed Man. -- Ask no Questions and you will be told no Tales.
+--How Donald showed prodigious Things to a Cockney in the Highlands.
+--There is no Man so dumb as he who will not be heard.
+
+CHAP. V. -- Resemblance of Donald to the Norman. -- Donald marketing.
+--Bearding a Barber. -- Norman Replies. -- Cant. -- Why the Whisky was
+not marked on the Hotel Bill. -- New Use for the Old and New Testaments.
+-- You should love your Enemies and not swallow them. -- A modest Wish.
+
+CHAP. VI. -- Democratic Spirit in Scotland. -- One Scot as good as
+another. -- Amiable Beggars. -- Familiarity of Servants. -- Shout all
+together! -- A Scotchman who does not admire his Wife. -- Donald's
+Pride. -- The Queen and her Scotch People. -- Little Presents keep alive
+Friendship.
+
+CHAP. VII. -- Scottish Perseverance. -- Thomas Carlyle, David
+Livingstone, and General Gordon. -- Literary Exploits of a Scotchman.
+-- Scottish Students. -- All the Students study. -- A useful Library. --
+A Family of three. -- Coming, Sir, coming! -- Killed in Action.
+-- Scotchmen at Oxford. -- Balliol College.
+
+CHAP. VIII. -- Good old Times. -- A Trick. -- Untying Cravats. -- Bible
+and Whisky. -- Evenings in Scotland. -- The Dining-room. -- Scots of the
+old School. -- Departure of the Whisky and Arrival of the Bible. -- The
+Nightcap in Scotland. -- Five Hours' Rest. -- The Gong and its Effects.
+-- Fresh as Larks. -- Iron Stomachs.
+
+CHAP. IX. -- Religion and Churches in Scotland. -- Why Scotch Bishops
+cut a poor Figure. -- Companies for Insuring against the Accidents of
+the Life to come. -- Religious Lecture-Rooms. -- No one can Serve two
+Masters. -- How the Gospel Camel was able to pass through the Eye of a
+Needle. -- Incense and Common Sense. -- I understand, therefore I
+believe. -- Conversions at Home. -- Conversions in Open Air. -- A modest
+Preacher. -- A well-filled Week. -- Touching Piety. -- Donald recommends
+John Bull and Paddy to the Lord.
+
+CHAP. X. -- Donald's Relations with the Divinity. -- Prayers and
+Sermons. -- Signification of the word "Receptivity." -- Requests and
+Thanksgivings. -- "Repose in Peace." -- "Thou excelledst them all."
+-- Explanation of Miracles. -- Pulpit Advertisements. -- Pictures of the
+Last Judgment. -- One of the Elect belated. -- An Urchin Preacher. -- A
+Considerate Beggar.
+
+CHAP. XI. -- The Scotch Sabbath. -- The Saviour in the Cornfield. -- A
+good Advertisement. -- Difference between the Inside and the Outside of
+an Omnibus. -- How useful it is to be able to speak Scotch in Scotland.
+-- Sermon and Lesson on Balistics at Edinburgh. -- If you do Evil on the
+Sabbath, do it well.
+
+CHAP. XII. -- Scotch Bonhomie. -- Humour and Quick-Wittedness. --
+Reminiscences of a Lecturer. -- How the Author was once taken for an
+Englishman.
+
+CHAP. XIII. -- Drollery of Scotch Phraseology. -- A Scotchman who Lost
+his Head. -- Two Severe Wounds. -- Premature Death. -- A Neat
+Comparison. -- Cold Comfort.
+
+CHAP. XIV. -- Family Life. -- "Can I assist you?" -- "No. I will assist
+myself, thank you." -- Hospitality in good Society. -- The Friends of
+Friends are Friends. -- When the Visitors come to an End there are more
+to follow. -- Good Society. -- Women. -- Men. -- Conversation in
+Scotland. -- A touching little Scene.
+
+CHAP. XV. -- Little Sketches of Family Life in Scotland. -- The
+Scotchman of "John Bull and his Island." -- Painful Explanations. -- As
+a Father I love you, as a Customer I take you in. -- A good Investment.
+-- Killing two Birds with one Stone. -- A young Man in a Hurry.
+
+CHAP. XVI. -- Matrimonial Ceremonies. -- Sweethearts. -- "Un serrement
+de main vaut dix serments de bouche." -- "Jack's kisses were nicer than
+that." -- A Platonic Lover. -- "Excuse me, I'm married." -- A wicked
+Trick.
+
+CHAP. XVII. -- Donald is not easily knocked down. -- He calmly
+contemplates Death, especially other people's. -- A thoughtful Wife. --
+A very natural Request. -- A consolable Father. -- "Job," 1st chapter,
+21st verse. -- Merry Funerals. -- They manage Things better in Ireland.
+-- Gone just in Time. -- Touching Funeral Orations.
+
+CHAP. XVIII. -- Intellectual Life in Scotland. -- The Climate is not so
+bad as it is represented to be. -- Comparisons. -- Literary and
+Scientific Societies. -- Why should not France possess such Societies?
+-- Scotch Newspapers. -- Scotland is the Sinew of the British Empire.
+
+CHAP. XIX. -- Higher Education in Scotland. -- The Universities. -- How
+they differ from English Universities. -- Is he a Gentleman? --
+Scholarships. -- A visit to the University of Aberdeen. -- English
+Prejudice against Scotch Universities.
+
+CHAP. XX. -- Scotch Literature. -- Robert Burns. -- Walter Scott. --
+Thomas Carlyle. -- Adam Smith. -- Burns Worship. -- Scotch Ballads and
+Poetry.
+
+CHAP. XXI. -- The Dance in Scotland. -- Reels and Highland Schottische.
+-- Is Dancing a Sin? -- Dances of Antiquity. -- There is no Dancing now.
+
+CHAP. XXII. -- The Wisdom of Scotland. -- Proverbs. -- Morals in Words
+and Morals in Deeds. -- Maxims. -- The Scot is a Judge of Human Nature.
+-- Scotch and Norman Proverbs compared. -- Practical Interpretation of a
+Passage of the Bible.
+
+CHAP. XXIII. -- Massacre of the English Tongue. -- Donald, the Friend of
+France. -- Scotch Anecdotes again. -- Reason of their Drollery. --
+Picturesque Dialect. -- Dry Old Faces. -- A Scotch Chambermaid. --
+Oddly-placed Moustachios. -- My Chimney Smokes. -- Sarcastic Spirit. --
+A good Chance of entering Paradise thrown away. -- Robbie Burns and the
+Greenock Shopkeeper.
+
+CHAP. XXIV. -- The Staff of Life in Scotland. -- Money is round and
+flat. -- Cheap Restaurants. -- Democratic Bill of Fare. -- Caution to
+the Public. -- "Parritch!" -- The Secret of Scotland's Success. -- The
+National Drink of Scotland. -- Scotch and Irish Whiskies. -- Whisky a
+very slow Poison. -- Dean Ramsay's best Anecdote.
+
+CHAP. XXV. -- Hors d'oeuvre. -- A Word to the Reader, and another to
+the Critic. -- A Man who has a right to be Proud. -- Why?
+
+CHAP. XXVI. -- Glasgow. -- Origin of the Name. -- Rapid Growth of the
+City. -- St. Mungo's Injunction to Donald. -- James Watt and the Clyde.
+-- George Square. -- Exhibition of Sculpture in the open Air. -- Royal
+Exchange. -- Wellington again. -- Wanted an Umbrella. -- The Cathedral.
+-- How it was saved by a Gardener. -- The Streets. -- Kelvingrove Park.
+-- The University. -- The Streets at Night. -- The Tartan Shawls a
+Godsend. -- The Populace. -- Pity for the poor little Children. --
+Sunday Lectures in Glasgow. -- To the Station, and let us be off.
+
+CHAP. XXVII. -- Edinburgh. -- Glasgow's Opinion thereof, and _vice
+versâ_. -- High Street. -- The Old Town. -- John Knox's House. -- The
+old Parliament House. -- Holyrood Palace. -- Mary Stuart. -- Arthur's
+Seat. -- The University. -- The Castle. -- Princes Street. -- Two Greek
+Buildings. -- The Statues. -- Walter Scott. -- The inevitable Wellington
+again. -- Calton Hill. -- The Athens of the North and the modern
+Parthenon. -- Why did not the Scotch buy the ancient Parthenon of the
+modern Greeks? -- Lord Elgin. -- The Acropolis of Edinburgh. -- Nelson
+for a Change.
+
+CHAP. XXVIII. -- Where are the Scotch? -- Something wanting in the
+Landscape. -- The Inhabitants. -- The Highlanders and the Servant Girls.
+-- Evening in Princes Street. -- Leith and the Firth of Forth. --
+Rossend Castle at Burntisland. -- Mary Stuart once more. -- I receive
+Scotch Hospitality in the Bedroom where Chastelard was as enterprising
+as unfortunate.
+
+CHAP. XXIX. -- Aberdeen the Granite City. -- No sign of the Statue of
+"you know whom." -- All Grey. -- The Town and its Suburbs. -- Character
+of the Aberdonian. -- Why London could not give an Ovation to a Provost
+of Aberdeen. -- Blue Hill. -- Aberdeen Society. -- A thoughtful
+Caretaker. -- To this Aberdonian's Disappointment, I do not appear in
+Tights before the Aberdeen Public.
+
+CHAP. XXX. -- The Thistle. -- "Nemo me impune lacessit." -- "Honi soit
+qui Mollet pince." -- Political Aspirations of the Scotch. --
+Signification of Liberalism in Scotland. -- Self-Government in the near
+Future. -- Coercive Pills. -- The Disunited Kingdom. -- The United
+Empire.
+
+PRINTING OFFICE OF THE PUBLISHER
+
+
+
+
+Friend Mac Donald.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+    A Word to Donald. -- The Scotch Anecdote and its Character. --
+    The Scotch painted by Themselves.
+
+
+Ah! my dear Donald, what good stories you told me in the few months that
+I had the pleasure of passing with you! How you stuffed and saturated me
+with them!
+
+And the English pretend that nobody laughs in Scotland!
+
+Don't they though! and with the right sort of laughter, too: a laugh
+that is frank, and full of _finesse_ and good-humour.
+
+You will be astonished, perhaps, that a three or four months' sojourn in
+Scotland should permit me to write a little volume on your dear country,
+and you will, may be, accuse me of having visited you with the idea of
+seeking two hundred pages for the printer.
+
+You would be very wrong in your impression, if you thought so.
+
+To tell the truth, I did not take a single note in Scotland; but, on my
+return home, all those delicious anecdotes came back to my memory, and
+I could not resist the temptation of telling a few of them to my
+compatriots.
+
+After all, Scotland is almost a closed letter to the French; and I
+thought I might make myself useful and agreeable in offering French
+readers a picture of the manners and character of the Caledonians.
+
+If, in order to be a success, a book of travels must be full of the
+strange and the horrible, it is all up with this one. But such is not
+the case; and he who advanced this opinion calumniated the public.
+
+I have as much right as anyone to contradict such an assertion; for the
+public has been pleased to give the kindest reception to my books on
+England, and I certainly never had any other aim or ambition than that
+of telling the truth according to Horace's principle, _Ridentem dicere
+verum quid vetat_?
+
+Scotland is perhaps the only country whose anecdotes alone would suffice
+to give an exact idea of her inhabitants.
+
+Irish anecdotes are exceedingly droll; but they only tend to show the
+thoughtless side of the Irish character. They are very amusing bulls;
+but while they divert, they do not instruct.
+
+In Scotland, on the contrary, you find in the anecdotes a picture of the
+Scotch manners and character, as complete as it is faithful.
+
+The Scot has kept the characteristics of his ancestors; but his manners
+have been toned down, and the language he speaks is growing more and
+more English: he is a changed man, and, in good society, you might be
+puzzled to tell him from an Englishman.
+
+This is not a compliment, for he has no desire to pass for other than
+Scotch.
+
+Among those characteristics, there are two which he has preserved intact
+to the present day: _finesse_ and matter-of-fact good-humour. You will
+find these two traits in every grade of Scotch life--in tradesman,
+mechanic, and peasant.
+
+This is why, setting aside the upper classes, the Scotch differ
+essentially from the English.
+
+It is because of that good-humour that the Scot is more communicative
+than the Englishman. He knows his failings, and does not mind talking
+about them; in fact, he will give you anecdotes to illustrate them, and
+this because they are national, and he loves to dwell on anything which
+reminds him that Scotland is a nation.
+
+I might have entitled this volume, "The Scotch painted by themselves,"
+for I do but write down what I saw and heard. I owe the scenes of life I
+describe to the Scotch who enacted them before me, and the anecdotes to
+those who were kind enough to tell them to me.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+    Donald, a British subject, but no Englishman. -- Opinion of
+    the greatest English Wit on the Scotch, and the worth of that
+    Opinion. -- The Wit of Donald and the Wit of the Cockney. --
+    Intelligence and Intellectuality. -- Donald's Exterior. --
+    Donald's Interior. -- Help yourself and Heaven will help you.
+    -- An Irish and a Scotch Servant facing a Difficulty. -- How a
+    small Scotchman may make himself useful in the Hour of Danger.
+    -- Characteristics. -- Donald on Train Journeys. -- One Way of
+    avoiding Tolls.
+
+
+In the eyes of the French, the Scot is a British subject--in other
+words, an Englishman--dressed in a Tam-o'-Shanter, a plaid, and kilt of
+red and green tartan, and playing the bagpipes; for the rest, speaking
+English, eating roast beef, and swearing by the Bible.
+
+For that matter, many English people are pleased to entertain the same
+illusions on the subject of the dwellers in the north of Great Britain.
+
+Yet, never were two nations[A] so near on the map, and so far removed in
+their ways and character.
+
+    [A] I mean "the people." As for the higher classes, their
+    manners and dress are perfectly English; they only differ
+    in their political and religious opinions.
+
+The Scots English! Well, just advance that opinion in the presence of
+one, and you will see how it will be received.
+
+The Scotchman is a British subject; but if you take him for an
+Englishman, he draws himself up, and says:
+
+"No, Sir; I am not English. I am a Scotchman."
+
+He is Scotch, and he intends to remain Scotch. He is proud of his
+nationality, and I quite understand it.
+
+Of all the inhabitants of the more-or-less-United Kingdom, Friend Donald
+is the most keen, sturdy, matter-of-fact, persevering, industrious, and
+witty.
+
+The most witty! Now I have said something.
+
+Yes, the most witty, with all due respect to the shade of Sydney Smith.
+
+So little do the English know the Scotch, that when I spoke to them of
+my intention to lecture in Scotland, they laughed at me.
+
+"But don't you know, my dear fellow," they exclaimed, "that it is only
+by means of a pickaxe that you can get a joke into the skull of a
+Scotchman?"
+
+And the fact is, that since the day when Sydney Smith, of jovial memory,
+pronounced his famous dictum, that it required a surgical operation to
+make a Scotchman understand a joke, poor Donald has been powerless to
+prevent past and present generations from repeating the phrase of the
+celebrated wit.
+
+All in vain did Scotland produce Smollett, Robert Burns, Walter Scott,
+and Thomas Carlyle, in the eyes of the English, the Scotchman has
+remained the personification of slow-wittedness--a poor fellow incapable
+of making much beyond prayers and money, and the Londoner who has never
+travelled--the poor Cockney who still firmly believes that the French
+are feeble creatures, living on snails and frogs--this Londoner, the
+most stupid animal in the world (after the Paris _badaud_, perhaps),
+goes about repeating to all who will listen to such nonsense:
+
+"Dull and heavy as a Scotchman!"
+
+Give a few minutes' start to a hoax, and you will never be able to
+overtake it.
+
+To tell the truth, the wit of, I will not say, an Englishman, but a
+Cockney, is not within the reach of the Scot. Jokes, play upon words,
+and bantering are not in his line. A pun will floor him completely; but
+I hope to be able to prove, by means of a few anecdotes, that Donald has
+real wit, and humour above all--humour of the light, subtle kind, that
+would pass by a Cockney without making the least impression.
+
+I do not wish to say that there is more intelligence in Scotland than in
+England; but I can in all security say there is more intellectuality.
+
+The Cockney must have his puns and small jokes. On the stage, he
+delights in jigs; and to really please him, the best of actors have to
+become rivals of the mountebanks at a fair. A hornpipe delights his
+heart. An actor who, for an hour together, pretends not to be able to
+keep on his hat, sends him into the seventh heaven of delight; and I
+have seen the tenants of the stalls applaud these things. Such
+performances make the Scotch smile, but with pity. The Cockney! When you
+have said that you have said everything: it is a being who will find
+fault with the opera of _Faust_, because up to the present time no
+manager has given the Kermess scene the attraction of an acrobat turning
+a wheel or standing on his head.
+
+No, no; the Scotchman has no wit of this sort. In the matter of wit, he
+is an epicure, and only appreciates dainty food. A smart repartee will
+tickle his sides agreeably; he understands _demi-mots_; he is
+good-tempered, and can take a joke as well as see through one. His
+quick-wittedness and the subtlety of his character make him full of
+quaint remarks and funny and unexpected comparisons. He is a stranger to
+affectation--that dangerous rock to the would-be wit; he is natural, and
+is witty without trying to be a wit.
+
+Yes, Donald is witty; but he possesses more solid qualities as well.
+
+We will make acquaintance with his intellectual qualities presently.
+
+As to his exterior--look at him: he is as strong as his own granite, and
+cut out for work.
+
+A head well planted on a pair of broad shoulders; a strong-knit, sinewy
+frame; small, keen eyes; iron muscles; a hand that almost crushes your
+own as he shakes it; and large flat feet that only advance cautiously
+and after having tried the ground: such is Donald.
+
+Needless to say that he generally lives to a good old age.
+
+I never knew a Christian so confident of going to Paradise, or less
+eager to set out.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Why does the Scotchman succeed everywhere? Why, in Australia, New
+Zealand, and all the other British Colonies, do you find him landowner,
+director of companies, at the head of enterprises of all kinds? Again,
+why do you find in almost all the factories of Great Britain that the
+foreman is Scotch?
+
+Ah! it is very simple.
+
+Success is very rarely due to extraordinary circumstances, or to chance,
+as the social failures are fond of saying.
+
+The Scot is economical, frugal, matter-of-fact, exact, thoroughly to be
+depended upon, persevering, and hard-working.
+
+He is an early riser; when he earns but half-a-crown a day, he puts by
+sixpence or a shilling; he minds his own business, and does not meddle
+with other people's.
+
+Add to these qualities the body that I was speaking of--a body healthy,
+bony, robust, and rendered impervious to fatigue by the practice of
+every healthful exercise--and you will understand why the Scotch succeed
+everywhere.
+
+His religion teaches him to trust in God, and to rely upon his own
+resources--an eminently practical religion, whose device is:
+
+_Help yourself and Heaven will help you._
+
+If a Scotchman were wrecked near an outlandish island in Oceania, I
+guarantee that you will find him, a few years later, installed as a
+landed proprietor, exacting rents and taxes from the natives.
+
+Where the English, the Irish especially, will starve, the Scotch will
+exist; where the English can exist, the Scotch will dine.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The following little scene, which took place in my house, enlightened me
+very much as to why one finds the Scotch farming their own land in the
+colonies, while the Irish are doing labourers' work.
+
+I had an Irish cook, an honest woman if ever there was one, faithful,
+and of a religion as sincere as it was unpractical.
+
+The housemaid, a true-born Scotch girl, came down one morning to find
+the poor cook on her knees in the act of imploring Heaven to make her
+fire burn.
+
+"But your wood is damp," she exclaimed; "how can ye expect it to burn?
+Pray, if ye will, but the Lord has a muckle to mind; and ye'd do weel to
+pit your wood in the oven o' nights, instead of bothering Him wi' such
+trifles."
+
+"It was faith, nevertheless," said a worthy lady, to whom I told the
+matter.
+
+It was idleness, thought I, or very much like it.
+
+Doctor Norman Macleod tells how he was once in a boat, on a Highland
+lake, when a storm came on, which menaced him and his companions with
+the most serious danger. The doctor, a tall, strong man, had with him a
+Scotch minister, who was small and delicate. The latter addressed
+himself to the boatman, and, drawing his attention to the danger they
+were in, proposed that they should all pray.
+
+"Na, na," said the boatman; "let the little ane gang to pray, but first
+the big ane maun tak' an oar, or we shall be drouned."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Donald is the most practical man on earth.
+
+He is a man who takes life seriously, and whom nothing will divert from
+the road that leads to the goal.
+
+He is a man who monopolises all the good places in this world and the
+next; who keeps the Commandments, and everything else worth keeping; who
+swears by the Bible--and as hard[B] as a Norman carter; who serves God
+every Sabbath day and Mammon all the week; who has a talent for keeping
+a great many things, it is true, but especially his word, when he gives
+it you.
+
+    [B] I trust to the intelligence of the reader to distinguish
+    here between the well-bred Scot and his humbler brethren.
+
+He is not a man of brilliant qualities, but he is a man of solid ones,
+who can only be appreciated at his true worth when you have known him
+some time. He does not jump at you with demonstrations of love, nor does
+he swear you an eternal friendship; but if you know how to win his
+esteem, you may rely upon him thoroughly.
+
+He is a man who pays prompt cash, but will have the value of his money.
+
+If ever you travel with a Scotchman from Edinburgh to London, you may
+observe that he does not take his eyes off the country the train goes
+through. He looks out of the window all the time, so as not to miss a
+pennyworth of the money he has paid for his place. Remark to him, as you
+yawn and stretch yourself, that it's a long, tiring, tiresome journey,
+and he will probably exclaim:
+
+"Long, indeed, long! I should think so, sir; and so it ought to be for
+£2 17s. 6d.!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I know of a Scot, who, rather than pay the toll of a bridge in
+Australia, takes off his coat, which he rolls and straps on his back,
+in order to swim across the stream.
+
+He is not a miser; on the contrary, his generosity is well known in his
+own neighbourhood. He is simply an eccentric Scot, who does not see why
+he should pay for crossing a river that he can cross for nothing.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+    All Scots know how to reckon. -- Rabelais in Scotland. -- How
+    Donald made two pence halfpenny by going to the Lock-up. --
+    Difference between buying and stealing. -- Scotch Honesty. --
+    Last words of a Father to his Son. -- Abraham in Scotland. --
+    How Donald outdid Jonathan. -- Circumspection, Insinuations, and
+    Negations. -- Delicious Declarations of Love. -- Laconism. --
+    Conversation reduced to its simplest Expression. -- A, e, i, o,
+    u. -- A visit to Thomas Carlyle. -- The Silent Academy of
+    Hamadan. -- With the Author's Compliments.
+
+
+All the Scotch know how to read, write, and reckon.
+
+Especially reckon.
+
+The following adventure happened but the other day.
+
+A wily Caledonian, accused of having insulted a policeman, was condemned
+by the Bailie of his village to pay a fine of half-a-crown, with the
+alternative of six days' imprisonment.
+
+As there are few Scots who have not half-a-crown in their pockets, you
+will perhaps imagine that Friend Donald paid the money, glad to get out
+of the scrape so cheaply.
+
+Not at all: when you are born in Scotland, you do not part with your
+cash without a little reflection.
+
+So Donald reflected a moment.
+
+Will he pay or go to jail? His heart wavers.
+
+"I will go to jail," he exclaims, suddenly struck with a luminous idea.
+
+Now the prison was in the chief town of his county, and it so happened
+that he had a little business to arrange there, but the railway fare was
+two shillings and eight pence halfpenny.
+
+He passes the night in the lock-up, and in the morning is taken off by
+train to the prison.
+
+Once safely there, Donald pulls half-a-crown from his purse, and demands
+a receipt of the governor, who has no choice but to give it him and set
+him at liberty. Our hero, proud as a king at the success of his plan,
+and the two pence halfpenny clear profit it has brought him, steers for
+the town and arranges his business.
+
+Rabelais was not more cunning when he hit upon his stratagem for getting
+carried to Paris.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Scotch themselves are fond of telling the following:
+
+Dugald--"Did ye hear that Sandy McNab was ta'en up for stealin' a coo?"
+
+Donald--"Hoot, toot, the stipit body! Could he no bocht it, and no paid
+for 't."
+
+This explains why the Scotch prisons are relatively empty. Donald is
+often in the county court, but seldom in the police-court.
+
+A good Scot begins the day with the following prayer:
+
+"O Lord! grant that I may take no one in this day, and that no one may
+take me in. If Thou canst grant me but one of these favours, O Lord,
+grant that no one may take me in."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+He would be a clever fellow, however, who could take in Donald.
+
+There is no country where compacts are more faithfully kept than in
+Scotland. When you have the signature of a Scotchman in your pocket, you
+may make your mind easy; but, if you sign an agreement with him, you may
+be certain that he runs no risk of repenting of the transaction.
+
+He is rarely at fault in his reckoning; but if, by chance, an error
+escapes him, it is not he who suffers by it.
+
+I must hasten, however, to say that the honesty of the Scotch in England
+is proverbial. I have always heard the English say they liked doing
+business with Scotch firms, because they had the very qualities
+desirable in a customer: straight-forwardness and solvency.
+
+Donald's honesty is all the more admirable, because he is firmly
+convinced in his heart, that he will go straight to Paradise whatever he
+may do. You will confess that there is danger about a Christian who
+feels sure that many things shall be forgiven him.
+
+Perhaps his honesty may be the result of reflection, if the following
+little anecdote that was told me in Scotland is any criterion:
+
+A worthy father, feeling death at hand, sends for his son to hear his
+last counsels.
+
+"Donald," he says to him, "listen to the last words of your old father.
+If you want to get on in the world, be honest. Never forget that, in all
+business, honesty is the best policy. You may take my word for it, my
+son,--_I hae tried baith_."
+
+This worthy Scot deserved an epitaph in the style of that one which the
+late Count Beust speaks of having seen on a tombstone at Highclere:
+
+"Here lies Donald, who was as honest a man as it is possible to be in
+this world."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Jews never got a footing in Scotland: they would have starved there.
+
+They came; but they saw ... and gave it up.
+
+You may find one or two in Glasgow, but they are in partnership with
+Scotchmen, and do not form a band apart. They do not do much local
+business: they are exporters and importers.
+
+The Aberdonians tell of a Jew who once came to their city and set up in
+business; but it was not long before he packed up his traps and decamped
+from that centre of Scotch 'cuteness.
+
+"Why are you going?" they asked him. "Is it because there are no Jews in
+Aberdeen?"
+
+"Oh, no," he replied; "I am going because you are all Jews here."
+
+An American was so ill-inspired as to try his hand there where even a
+Jew had been beaten.
+
+The good folk of Aberdeen are very proud of telling the following
+anecdote, which dates from only a few months back, and was in everyone's
+mouth at the time of my visit to the city of granite:
+
+An American lecturer had signed an agreement with an Aberdonian, by
+which he undertook to go and lecture in Aberdeen for a fee of twenty
+pounds.
+
+Dazzled by the success of his lectures, which were drawing full houses
+in all parts of England, the American bethought himself that he might
+have made better terms with Donald. Acting on this idea, he soon sent
+him a telegram, running thus:
+
+"Enormous success. Invitations numerous. Cannot do Aberdeen for less
+than thirty pounds. Reply prepaid."
+
+The Scot was not born to be taken in.
+
+On the contrary.
+
+Donald, armed with the treaty in his pocket, goes calmly to the
+telegraph office and wires:
+
+"All right. Come on."
+
+Jonathan, encouraged by the success of this first venture, rubs his
+hands, and, two days later, sends a second telegram, as follows:
+
+"Invitations more and more numerous. Impossible to do Aberdeen for less
+than forty pounds."
+
+Donald thinks the thing very natural, and laughs in his sleeve. He bids
+the messenger wait, and without hesitation he scribbles:
+
+"All right. Come on."
+
+Jonathan doubtless rubbed his hands harder than ever, and might have
+been very surprised if he had been told that Donald was rubbing his too.
+
+However, he arrived in Aberdeen radiant, gave his lecture, and at the
+end was presented by Donald with a cheque for twenty pounds.
+
+"Twenty pounds--but it is forty pounds you owe me!"
+
+"You make a mistake," replied Donald, quietly: "here is our treaty,
+signed and registered."
+
+"But I sent you a telegram to tell you that I could not possibly come
+for less than forty pounds."
+
+"Quite so," replied Donald, unmoved.
+
+"And you answered--'All right. Come on.'"
+
+"That is true."
+
+"Well then?"
+
+"Well, my dear sir, it is all right: you have come--now, you may go."
+
+Like the crow in La Fontaine's fable, Jonathan registered a vow ... but
+a little late.
+
+"Ah!" cried the Aberdonian who told me the story, "Jonathan will not go
+back to America to tell his compatriots that he took in a Scotchman."
+And his eyes gleamed with national pride as he added: "It was no harm to
+try."
+
+He considered the conduct of the American quite natural, it was clear.
+
+As for me, I thought that "All right--come on," a magnificent example of
+Scotch diplomacy and humour.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Donald has a still cooler head than his neighbour John Bull, and that is
+saying a good deal. In business, in love even, he never loses his head.
+He is circumspect. He proceeds by insinuations, still oftener by
+negations, and that even in the most trifling matters. He does not
+commit himself: he _doubts_, he goes as far as to _believe_; but he will
+never push temerity so far as to be _perfectly sure_. Ask a Scotchman
+how he is. He will never reply that he is well, but that he is _no bad
+ava_.
+
+I heard a Scotchman tell the butler to fill his guests' glasses in the
+following words:
+
+"John, if you were to fill our glasses, we wadna be the waur for 't."
+
+Remark to a Highlander that the weather is very warm, and he will reply:
+
+"I don't doubt but it may be; but that's your opinion."
+
+This manner of expressing themselves in hints and negations must have
+greatly sharpened the wits of the Scotch.
+
+Here, for instance, is a delicious way of making a young girl understand
+that you love her, and wish to marry her. I borrow it from Dr. Ramsay's
+_Reminiscences_.
+
+Donald proposes to Mary a little walk.
+
+They go out, and in their ramble they pass through the churchyard.
+
+Pointing with his finger to one of the graves, this lover says:
+
+"My folk lie there, Mary; wad ye like to lie there?"
+
+Mary took the grave hint, says the Doctor, and became his wife, but does
+not yet _lie there_.
+
+Much in the same vein is an anecdote that was told me in an Edinburgh
+house one day at dessert:
+
+Jamie and Janet have long loved each other, but neither has spoken word
+to the other of this flame.
+
+At last Donald one day makes up his mind to break the ice.
+
+"Janet," he says, "it must be verra sad to lie on your death bed and hae
+no ane to houd your han' in your last moments?"
+
+"That is what I often say to mysel, Jamie. It must be a pleasant thing
+to feel that a frien's han' is there to close your ee when a' is ower."
+
+"Ay, ay, Janet; and that is what mak's me sometimes think o' marriage.
+After all, we war na made to live alone."
+
+"For my pairt, I am no thinkin' o' matrimony. But still, the thoucht of
+livin' wi' a mon that I could care for is no disagreeable to me," says
+Janet. "Unfortunately, I have not come across him yet."
+
+"I believe I hae met wi' the woman I loe," responds Jamie; "but I dinna
+ken whether she lo'es me."
+
+"Why dinna ye ask her, Jamie?"
+
+"Janet," says Jamie, without accompanying his words with the slightest
+chalorous movement, "wad ye be that woman I was speakin' of?"
+
+"If I died before you, Jamie, I wad like your han' to close my een."
+
+The engagement was completed with a kiss to seal the compact.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Scot, in his quality of a man of action, talks little; all the less,
+perhaps, because he knows that he will have to give an account of every
+idle word in the Last Day.
+
+He has reduced conversation to its simplest expression. Sometimes even
+he will restrain himself, much to the despair of foreigners, so far as
+to only pronounce the accentuated syllable of each word. What do I say?
+The syllable? He will often sound but the vowel of that syllable.
+
+Here is a specimen of Scotch conversation, given by Dr. Ramsay:
+
+A Scot, feeling the warp of a plaid hanging at a tailor's door,
+enquires:
+
+"Oo?" (Wool?)
+
+_Shopkeeper_--"Ay, oo." (Yes, wool.)
+
+_Customer_--"A' oo?" (All wool?)
+
+_Shopkeeper_--"Ay, a' oo." (Yes, all wool.)
+
+_Customer_--"A' ae oo?" (All one wool?)
+
+_Shopkeeper_--"Ay, a' ae oo." (Yes, all one wool.)
+
+These are two who will not have much to fear on the Day of
+Judgment--eh?"
+
+You may, perhaps, imagine that laconism could no further go.
+
+But you are mistaken; I have something better still to give you.
+
+Alfred Tennyson at one time often paid a visit to Thomas Carlyle at
+Chelsea.
+
+On one of those occasions, these two great men, having gone to Carlyle's
+library to have a quiet chat together, seated themselves one on each
+side of the fireplace, and lit their pipes.
+
+And there for two hours they sat, plunged in profound meditation, the
+silence being unbroken save for the little dry regular sound that the
+lips of the smokers made as they sent puffs of smoke soaring to the
+ceiling. Not one single word broke the silence.
+
+After two hours of this strange converse between two great souls that
+understood each other without speech, Tennyson rose to take leave of his
+host. Carlyle went with him to the door, and then, grasping his hand,
+uttered these words:
+
+"Eh, Alfred, we've had a grand nicht! Come back again soon."
+
+If Thomas Carlyle had lived at Hamadan, he would have been worthy to
+fill the first seat in the Silent Academy, the chief statute of which
+was, as you may remember, worded thus:
+
+"The Academicians must think much, write little, and speak as seldom as
+possible."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Another Scot very worthy of a place in the Silent Academy was the late
+Christopher North.
+
+A professor of the Edinburgh University, having asked him for the hand
+of his daughter Jane, Christopher North fixed a small ticket to Miss
+Jane's chest, and announced his decision by thus presenting the young
+lady to the professor, who read with glad eyes:
+
+"With the Author's compliments."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+    The traditional Hospitality of the Highlands. -- One more fond
+    Belief gone. -- Highland Bills. -- Donald's Two Trinities. --
+    Never trust Donald on Saturdays or Mondays. -- The Game he
+    prefers. -- A well-informed Man. -- Ask no Questions and you
+    will be told no Tales. -- How Donald showed prodigious Things to
+    a Cockney in the Highlands. -- There is no Man so dumb as he who
+    will not be heard.
+
+
+Ever since the French first heard Boïeldieu's opera, _La Dame Blanche_,
+and were charmed with the chorus, "Chez les montagnards écossais
+l'hospitalité se donne," the Highlander has enjoyed a tremendous
+reputation for hospitality on the other side of the Channel.
+
+I am ready to acknowledge that the Scotch, as a nation, are most
+hospitable; but do not talk to me of the hospitality of the Highlander.
+
+The hospitality of the mountains, like that of the valleys, is extinct
+in almost every place where modern civilisation has penetrated; the real
+old-fashioned article is scarcely to be found except among the savages.
+
+Donald has made the acquaintance of railways and mail coaches, he has
+transformed his Highlands into a kind of little Switzerland; in fact,
+the man is no longer recognisable.
+
+The Highlander of the year of grace 1887 is a wideawake dog, who lies in
+wait for the innocent tourist, and knows how to tot you up a bill worthy
+of a Parisian boarding-house keeper at Exhibition time. Woe to you if
+you fall into his clutches; before you come out of them you will be
+plucked, veritably flayed.
+
+The Highlander worships two trinities: the holy one on Sundays, and a
+metallic one all the week. £. s. d. is the base of his language. Though
+Gaelic should be the veriest Hebrew to you, you have but to learn the
+meaning and pronunciation of the three magic words, and you will have no
+difficulty in getting along in the Highlands.
+
+Every Sabbath he goes in for a thorough spiritual cleaning; therefore
+trust him not on Saturday or Monday--on Saturday, because he says to
+himself, "Oh! one transgression more or less whilst I am at it, what
+does it matter? it is Sunday to-morrow;" on Monday, because he is all
+fresh washed, and ready to begin the week worthily.
+
+He has a way of giving you your change which seems to say, "Is it the
+full change you expect?" If you keep your hand held out, and appear to
+examine what he gives you, his look says: "You are one of the wideawake
+sort; we understand each other."
+
+Needless to say that the Highlander is glad to see the tourist, as the
+hunter is glad to see game.
+
+Frenchmen, Germans, Russians, Englishmen, Americans, all are sure of a
+welcome--he loves them all alike.
+
+Still, perhaps of all the foreign tourists who visit his
+hunting-grounds, it is the Americans who have found the royal road to
+his heart.
+
+"The Americans are a great people," said a Highland innkeeper to me one
+day. "When you present an Englishman with his bill, he looks it over to
+see that it is all right. He will often dispute and haggle. The American
+is a gentleman; he would think it beneath him to descend to such
+trifles. When you bring him his account, he will wave your hand away and
+tell you he does not want your bill; he wants to know how much he owes
+you, and that's the end of it."
+
+His idea of a perfect gentleman is an innocent who pays his bills
+without looking at them.
+
+When he recognises a tourist as a compatriot, you may imagine what a wry
+face he makes.
+
+Just as the hotel-keeper of Interlaken or Chamounix relegates all his
+Swiss customers to the fifth floor rooms, so Donald gives the cold
+shoulder to all the Scotch who come his way. With them he is obliged to
+submit his bills to the elementary rules of arithmetic, and be careful
+that two and two make only four.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+It is said that of all the inhabitants of the earth, the Paris _badaud_
+is the most easy to amuse. I think, for my part, that his London
+equivalent runs him very close. However this may be, the native of
+London is an easy prey to the wily Scot.
+
+They are fond of telling, in Scotland, how friend Donald one day showed
+a Cockney really prodigious things in the Isle of Arran.
+
+A Londoner, wishing to astonish his friends with the account of his
+adventures in Scotland, resolved to make the ascent of the Goatfell
+without the aid of a guide. Arrived at the foot of the mountain, he
+informed the guides, who came to offer him their services, of his
+intention. You may imagine if Donald, who had sniffed a good day's work,
+meant to give up his bread and butter without a struggle.
+
+"Your project is a mad one," our tourist is told. "You will miss many
+splendid points of view, and you will run a thousand risks."
+
+The ascension of the Goatfell is about as difficult as that of the
+Monument; but our hero, who knew nothing about it, began to turn pale.
+
+However, he appeared determined to keep to his resolution; and Donald,
+who considers he is being robbed every time anyone climbs his hills
+without a guide, begins to grumble.
+
+Besides, when one is a Highlander, one does not give up a point so
+easily as all that. Our Caledonian resorts to diplomacy. A brilliant
+idea occurs to him.
+
+"Since you will not have a guide," says he, pretending to withdraw,
+"good luck to you on your journey! Mind you don't miss the mysterious
+stone."
+
+"What mysterious stone?" demands the Cockney.
+
+"Oh, on the top of the Goatfell," replies Donald, "there is a stone that
+might well be called _enchanted_. When you stand upon that stone, no
+sound, no matter how close or how loud, can reach your ears."
+
+"Really?" says the tourist, gaping.
+
+"A thunderstorm might burst just above your head, and you would never
+hear it," added Donald, who saw that his bait was beginning to take.
+
+"Prodigious!" cried the Londoner. "How shall I know the stone? Do tell
+me."
+
+"Not easily," insinuated Donald slyly; "it is scarcely known except to
+guides. However, I will try to describe its position to you."
+
+Here the Scot entered into explanations which threw the Cockney's brain
+into a complete muddle.
+
+"I had better take you, after all, I think," said the bewildered
+tourist. "Come along."
+
+I need not tell you that they were soon at the wonderful stone.
+
+The Londoner took up his position on it, and begged the guide to stand a
+few steps off and to shout at the top of his voice.
+
+Out Scot fell to making all sorts of contortions, placing his hands to
+his mouth as if to carry the sound; but not a murmur reached the ears of
+the tourist.
+
+"Take a rest," he said to Donald; "you will make yourself hoarse.... It
+is a fact that I have not heard a sound. It is prodigious! Now you go
+and stand on the stone, and I will shout."
+
+They changed places.
+
+The Cockney began to rave with all his might.
+
+Donald did not move a muscle.
+
+The dear Londoner made the hills ring with the sound of his voice, but
+his guide gazed at him as calmly as Nature that surrounded them.
+
+"Don't you hear anything?" cried the poor tourist.
+
+Donald was not so silly as to fall into the trap. He feigned not to
+hear, and kept up his impassive expression.
+
+The Cockney continued to howl.
+
+"Shout louder," cried Donald; "I can hear nothing."
+
+"It's wonderful; it is enough to take one's breath away. I never saw
+anything so remarkable in my life!"
+
+And putting his hand in his pocket, he drew out a golden coin, and
+slipped it into Donald's hand.
+
+This done, they left the marvel behind, and climbed to the summit of the
+Goatfell, the clever guide carefully picking out all the roughest paths,
+and doing his best to give his patient plenty of dangers for his money.
+
+That night, after having made a note of all his day's adventures, the
+proud tourist added, as a future caution to his friends:
+
+"Be sure and take a guide for the Goatfell!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+    Resemblance of Donald to the Norman. -- Donald marketing. --
+    Bearding a Barber. -- Norman Replies. -- Cant. -- Why the Whisky
+    was not marked on the Hotel Bill. -- New Use for the Old and New
+    Testaments. -- You should love your Enemies and not swallow
+    them. -- A modest Wish.
+
+
+Friend Donald resembles the Norman very closely.
+
+Like him, he is cunning and circumspect, with the composed exterior of
+Puss taking a doze.
+
+We say in France, "Answering like a Norman." That means, "to give an
+evasive, ambiguous answer--neither _yes_ nor _no_."
+
+They might say in England, "Answering like a Scot," to express the same
+idea.
+
+Look at Donald, with the corners of his mouth drawn back, and his eyes
+twinkling as he nods at you and answers _Ay_, or shakes his head as he
+says _Na_, _na_; and you will be convinced that he is compromised
+neither by the one nor the other.
+
+At market the resemblance is perfect.
+
+He strolls into the stall as if he did not want anything more than a
+look round. He examines the goods with a most indifferent eye, turns
+them over and over, and finds fault with them. He seems to say to the
+stall-keeper:
+
+"You certainly could not have the impudence to ask a good price for such
+stuff as this."
+
+If he buys, he pays with a protest.
+
+When he pockets cash, on the contrary, admire the rapidity of the
+proceeding.
+
+I one day heard a Norman, who had just been profiting by being in town
+on market-day to get shaved, say to the barber, with the most innocent
+air in the world:
+
+"My word, I'm very sorry not to have a penny to give you, but my wife
+and I have spent all our money; I have only a halfpenny left.... I will
+owe you till next time."
+
+Compare this Norman with the hero of the following little anecdote which
+the Scotch tell.
+
+A Scot, who sold brooms, went into a Glasgow barber's shop to get
+shaved.
+
+The barber bought a broom of Donald, and, after having shaved him, asked
+what he owed him for the broom.
+
+"Two pence," said Donald.
+
+"No, no," said the barber; "it's too dear. I will give you a penny, and
+if you are not satisfied, you can take your broom again."
+
+Donald pocketed the penny, and asked what he had to pay for being
+shaved.
+
+"A penny," replied the barber.
+
+"Na, na," said Donald; "I will give ye a bawbee, an' if ye are no
+satisfied, ye can pit my beard back again."
+
+This is Norman to the life.
+
+The Scot pays when he has given his signature, or when there is no help
+for it.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+It has been said that the farthing was introduced to allow the Scotch to
+be generous. This is calumny; for the Scot is charitable: but if
+collections in Scotch churches were made in bags, there might be rather
+a run on the small copper coin.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+If you would see still another point of resemblance between the Scot and
+the Norman, look at them as they indulge in their little pet
+transgression.
+
+When Donald orders his glass of whisky, he is always careful to say:
+
+"Waiter, a _small_ whisky."
+
+The Irishman asks for a "strong whisky," straight out, like a man.
+
+Donald is modest, he asks for his _small_. That is the allowance of
+sober folks, and the dear fellow is one of them. But just add up at the
+end of the evening the number of _wee draps_ that he has on his
+conscience, and you will find they make a very respectable total.
+
+Now look at the Norman taking his cups of _café tricolore_ after dinner.
+
+Do not imagine that he is going to take up the three bottles of brandy,
+rum, and kirschwasser, and pour himself out some of their contents. No,
+no; he would be too much afraid of exceeding the dose. He measures it
+into his spoon, which he holds horizontally; and, to see the precautions
+he takes, you would think he was a chemist preparing a doctor's
+prescription.
+
+"A teaspoonful of each," he says to you; "that is my quantity."
+
+But how they brim over, those spoonfuls! When the overflow has fallen
+into the cup, he shows you the full spoon, with the remark:
+
+"One of each kind, no more."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Scotch shrewdness expresses itself in a phraseology all its own, and of
+which Donald alone possesses the secret. He handles the English
+language with the talent of the most wily diplomatist. He has a happy
+knack of combining irony and humour, as the following story shows:
+
+An English author had sent his latest production to several men of
+letters, requesting them to kindly give him their opinion of his book. A
+Scotchman replied:
+
+"Many thanks for the book which you did me the honour to send me. I will
+lose no time in reading it."
+
+Quite a Norman response, only more delicate.
+
+Scotch shrewdness has occasionally a certain smack of mild hypocrisy,
+which, however, does no harm to anyone.
+
+Here are two examples of it that rather diverted me:
+
+I was in the smoking-room of the Grand Hotel at Glasgow one evening.
+
+Near me, sitting at a little table, were two gentlemen--unmistakably
+Scotch, as their accent proclaimed.
+
+One of them calls the waiter, and orders a glass of whisky.
+
+"What is the number of your room, sir?" asks the waiter, having put the
+whisky and water-jug on the table.
+
+"No matter, waiter; don't put it on the bill. Here is the money."
+
+"Very clever, that Caledonian," said I to myself, as I noted the wink to
+the waiter and the glance thrown to the other occupant of the table.
+
+True it is, _Scripta manent_!
+
+If his wife accidentally puts her hand on his hotel bill in the pocket
+of his coat, there is no harm done--no sign of any but the most innocent
+articles.
+
+Another time I was in a Scotchman's library.
+
+While waiting for my host, who was to rejoin me there, I had a look at
+his books, most of which treated of theology.
+
+Two volumes, admirably bound, attracted my gaze. They were marked on the
+back--one, _Old Testament_, the other, _New Testament_. I tried to take
+down the first volume; but, to my surprise, the second moved with it.
+Were the two volumes fixed together? or were they stuck by accident? Not
+suspecting any mystery, I pulled hard. The Old Testament and the New
+Testament were in one, and came together. The handsome binding was
+nothing but the cover of a box of cigars. No more Testament than there
+is on the palm of my hand: cigars--first-rate cigars--nothing but
+cigars, placed there under the protection of the holy patriarchs.
+
+I had time to put all in place again before my host came; but I was not
+at my ease. I was quite innocent, of course; but--I don't know why--when
+one has discovered a secret, one feels guilty of having taken something
+that belongs to another.
+
+At last my host entered, closed the door, and, rubbing his hands, said:
+
+"Now I am at your service. Excuse me for leaving you alone a few
+moments. I have settled my business, and we will have a cigar together,
+if you like."
+
+So saying, he opened the door of a small cupboard made in the wall, and
+cleverly hidden by a picture of "John Knox imploring Mary Stuart to
+abjure the Catholic faith." It was, as you see, rather a mysterious
+library. From this cupboard he took some glasses--and something to fill
+them agreeably withal. Then, without betraying the slightest
+embarrassment, without a smile or a glance, he brought the twin volumes
+which had so astonished me, and laid them on the table. I had the
+pleasure of making closer acquaintance with the cigars, that seemed to
+bring a recommendation from Moses and the prophets.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+An anecdote on the ready wit of Donald:
+
+He meets his pastor, who remonstrates with him upon the subject of his
+intemperate habits.
+
+"You are too fond of whisky, Donald; you ought to know very well that
+whisky is your enemy."
+
+"But, minister, have you not often told us that we ought to love our
+enemies?" says Donald, slyly.
+
+"Yes, Donald; but I never told you that you should swallow them,"
+replies the pastor, who was as witty as his parishioner.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+What anecdotes I heard in Scotland on the subject of whisky, to be sure!
+
+Here is a good one for the last. I owe it to a learned professor of the
+Aberdeen University.
+
+Donald feels the approach of death.
+
+The minister of his village is at his bedside, preparing him by pious
+exhortations for the great journey.
+
+"Have you anything on your mind, Donald? Is there any question you would
+like to ask me?" And the minister bent down to listen to the dying man's
+reply.
+
+"Na, meenister, I'm na afeard.... I wad like to ken whether there'll be
+whisky in heaven?"
+
+Upon his spiritual counsellor remonstrating with him upon such a thought
+at such a moment, he hastened to add, with a knowing look:
+
+"Oh! it's no that I mind, meenister; I only thoucht I'd like to see it
+on the table!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+    Democratic Spirit in Scotland. -- One Scot as good as another.
+    -- Amiable Beggars. -- Familiarity of Servants. -- Shout all
+    together! -- A Scotchman who does not admire his Wife. --
+    Donald's Pride. -- The Queen and her Scotch People. -- Little
+    Presents keep alive Friendship.
+
+
+The Scotch are an essentially democratic people. I take the word in its
+social, not its political, sense; although it might be asserted without
+hesitation, that if ever there was a nation formed for living under a
+republic, it is the Scotch--serious, calm, wise, law-abiding, and ever
+ready to respect the opinions of others. Yet the Scotch are perhaps the
+most devoted subjects of the English crown.
+
+The English and Scotch are republicans, with democratic institutions,
+living under a monarchy.
+
+When I say that the Scotch are a democratic people, I mean that in
+Scotland, still more than in England, one man is as good as another.
+
+The Scot does not admit the existence of demigods. In his eyes, the
+robes of the priest or judge cover a man, not an oracle.
+
+Always ready for a bit of argument, he criticises an order, a sermon, a
+verdict even.
+
+Religious as he is, yet he will weigh every utterance of his pastor
+before accepting it. He respects the law; but if his bailie inflicts on
+him a fine that he thinks unjust, he does not scruple to tell him a
+piece of his mind; and if ever you wish to be told your daily duty at
+home, you have but to engage a Scotch servant.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Donald knows how to accept social inferiority; he may perhaps envy his
+betters, but he does not hate them. He never abdicates his manhood's
+dignity: an obsequious Scotchman is unknown.
+
+In Scotland, even a beggar has none of those abject manners that denote
+his class elsewhere. His look seems to say:--
+
+"Come, my fine fellow, listen to me a minute: you have money and I have
+none; you might give me a penny."
+
+I remember one in Edinburgh, who stopped me politely, yet without
+touching his cap, and said:
+
+"You look as if you had had a good dinner, sir; won't you give me
+something to buy a meal with?"
+
+I took him to a cook-shop and bought him a pork pie.
+
+"If you don't mind," said he, "I'll have veal."
+
+Why certainly! everyone to his taste, to be sure.
+
+I acquiesced with alacrity. He was near shaking hands with me.
+
+Donald is plain spoken with everyone. In Scotland, as in France, there
+are still to be found old servants whose familiarity would horrify an
+Englishman, but whom the _bonhomie_ of Scotch masters tolerates without
+a murmur, in consideration of the fidelity and devotion of these honest
+servants.
+
+Like every man who is conscious of his strength, the Scot is
+good-humoured; he rarely loses his temper.
+
+The familiarity of the servant and good-humour of the master, in
+Scotland, are delightfully illustrated in the two following anecdotes,
+which were told me in Scotland.
+
+Donald is serving at table. Several guests claim his attention at once:
+one wants bread, another wine, another vegetables. Donald does not know
+which way to turn. Presently, losing patience, he apostrophises the
+company thus:
+
+"That's it; cry a'together--that's the way to be served!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A laird, in the county of Aberdeen, had a well-stocked fowl yard, but
+could never get any new-laid eggs for breakfast.
+
+He wanted to penetrate the mystery. So he lay in ambush, and discovered
+that his gardener's wife went to the hen-roost every morning, filled her
+basket with the eggs, and made straight for the market to sell them.
+
+The first time he met his gardener, he said to him:
+
+"James, I like you very weel, for I think you serve me faithfully; but,
+between oursels, I canna say that I hae muckle admiration for your
+wife."
+
+"I'm no surprised at that, laird," replied James, "for I dinna muckle
+admire her mysel!"
+
+What could the poor laird say? This fresh union of sympathies united
+them only more closely.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"Proud as a Highlander" is a common saying. His gait tells you what he
+is. He walks with head thrown back, and shoulders squared; his step is
+firm and springy. It is a man who says to himself twenty times a day:
+
+"I am a Scotchman."
+
+Such an exalted opinion has he of his race that when Queen Victoria gave
+Princess Louise to the Marquis of Lorne in marriage, the general feeling
+in the Highlands was, as everybody knows, "The Queen maun be a prood
+leddy the day!"
+
+The English were astonished at the Queen's consenting to give her
+daughter to one of her subjects. They looked upon it as a _mésalliance_.
+The Scotch were not far from doing the same--a Campbell marry a simple
+Brunswick!
+
+It is in the Highlands that this national pride is preserved intact.
+Mountainous countries always keep their characteristics longer than
+others.
+
+Everyone knows that the Queen of England passes a great part of the
+year in her Castle of Balmoral, in the heart of the Highlands, among her
+worthy Scotch people, whom she appears to prefer to all her other
+subjects. She visits the humblest cottages, and sends delicacies to the
+sick and aged.
+
+The good folk do not accept the bounty of their Queen without making her
+a return for it in kind. Yes--in kind. The women knit her a pair of
+stockings or a shawl, and the Queen delights them by accepting their
+presents.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+    Scottish Perseverance. -- Thomas Carlyle, David Livingstone, and
+    General Gordon. -- Literary Exploits of a Scotchman. -- Scottish
+    Students. -- All the Students study. -- A useful Library. -- A
+    Family of three. -- Coming, sir, coming! -- Killed in Action. --
+    Scotchmen at Oxford. -- Balliol College.
+
+
+It is not in business alone that the Scotchman shows that obstinate
+perseverance which so characterises his nation. Thomas Carlyle would
+have passed a whole year searching out the exact date of the most
+insignificant incident. That is why his _Frederick the Great_ is the
+finest historical monument of the century.
+
+It is this same Scotch perseverance which makes Watts, Livingstones, and
+Gordons. Never were there brighter illustrations of what can be done by
+power of mind united to power of endurance.
+
+I have seen them at work, those resolute, indomitable Scots. I have
+known some whose performances were nothing short of feats of valour.
+
+Here is one that I have fresh in my memory.
+
+A young Scotchman, on leaving Oxford, had been appointed master in one
+of the great public schools of England. He began with the elementary
+classes. At that time he intended to devote himself to the study of
+science.
+
+He told the head master of his intention, and asked his advice.
+
+"If I were you," said the head master, "I would do nothing of the kind.
+I feel sure you have very special aptitude for Greek, and that if you
+will but direct your attention to that, you have a brilliant future
+before you. Let me trace you out a programme?"
+
+This programme was enough to frighten the most enterprising of men. A
+Scotchman alone could undertake to carry it out.
+
+Our young master accepted the task.
+
+He took an apartment in the Temple, turned his back on his friends, and
+became an inaccessible hermit.
+
+For three years he lived only for his books, consecrating to them that
+which, at his age, is generally consecrated to pleasure and comfort.
+
+Nothing could turn him from the end he had in view.
+
+One after another he read all the Greek authors. Nothing that had been
+written by poet, philosopher, historian, or grammarian, escaped him.
+
+At the end of three years, he reappeared, wasted by the vigils and
+privations of this life of study; but the last touches had been put to
+the manuscript of a book, which, when it appeared three months later,
+was pronounced a masterpiece of scholarship, and made quite a revolution
+in the Greek world.
+
+To-day this young Scotchman is one of the brightest lights in the higher
+walks of literature in Great Britain.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The students of the great Universities of Scotland offer, perhaps, the
+most striking proofs of perseverance to be found.
+
+At Oxford and Cambridge, you find all sorts of students, especially
+students who do not study.
+
+In Scotland, all students study.
+
+To be able to have the luxury of studying, or rather "residing" (such is
+the less pretentious name in use), at Oxford or Cambridge, you must be
+well-to-do.
+
+In Scotland, as in Germany, Greece, Switzerland, and America, the
+poorest young men may aspire to university honours; but often at the
+cost of what privations!
+
+Here are a few incidents of students' life in Scotland. They struck me
+as being very interesting, very touching. I borrow them, for the most
+part, from a writer who published them in a Scotch _Review_ during my
+stay in Edinburgh.
+
+He mentions one young man, of fine manners and aristocratic appearance,
+who dined but three times a week, and then upon a hot two-penny pie. On
+the other days he lived on dry bread.
+
+Another had an ingenious way of turning his scanty resources to account.
+Spreading out his books where the hearthrug would naturally have been,
+he would lie there, learning his task by the light of a fire, made from
+the roots of decayed trees, which he had dug in a wood near Edinburgh,
+and carried to his lodgings.
+
+Three Scotchmen, now occupying high positions, shared a room containing
+one bed; and for a year at least, while attending Aberdeen University,
+they had no other lodging. The bed was a very narrow one, and quite
+incapable of holding two persons at once; so two worked while the other
+slept, and when they went to bed, he rose.
+
+Two other students excited a great deal of curiosity for some time. One
+carried his books before him just as if they had been a tray, while he
+glided noiselessly to his place. This mystery was explained when it was
+learned that he had been a hotel waiter. During the winter he pursued
+his studies; and when summer returned, it found him, with serviette
+across his arm, earning the necessary fees for his next winter's course
+of study.
+
+He never could quite throw off the waiter. If a professor called his
+name suddenly, he would start up and answer, "Coming, sir--coming!"
+
+The other was more mysterious still. As soon as recitation was over, he
+would start away from the class-room and make for the environs of the
+town as fast as he could run. It was at last discovered that he kept a
+little book shop at some distance from the University, and, being too
+poor to hire an assistant, had to close his door to customers while he
+went to recite his lessons.
+
+Professor Blackie tells of one young student, who lived for a whole
+session on red herrings and a barrel of potatoes, sent him from home.
+The poor fellow's health so gave way under this meagre diet, that he
+died before his course of study was finished.
+
+The learned Professor mentions also another very touching case of a
+young student who fell a victim to his thirst for knowledge. The poor
+fellow had so weakened his stomach by privation, that he died from
+eating a good meal given him by a kind friend.
+
+I said just now that little work was done at the University of Oxford.
+Exception must, however, be made in the case of the famous Balliol
+College.
+
+But whom do we find there?
+
+This college is full of Scotch students, who succeed in keeping
+themselves at Oxford, thanks to their frugality and industry. It is not
+unfrequent to find them giving lessons to the undergraduates of other
+colleges!
+
+And what lessons the Scotch can give the English!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+    Good old Times. -- A Trick. -- Untying Cravats. -- Bible and
+    Whisky. -- Evenings in Scotland. -- The Dining-room. -- Scots of
+    the Old School. -- Departure of the Whisky and Arrival of the
+    Bible. -- The Nightcap in Scotland. -- Five hours' Rest. -- The
+    Gong and its Effects. -- Fresh as Larks. -- Iron Stomachs.
+
+
+Scotchmen still drink hard; but where are the joyous days when the
+Scotch host broke the glasses off at the stem, so that his guests should
+drink nothing but bumpers?
+
+Scotchmen still drink hard; but where are the good old times, when it
+was thought a slight to your host to go to bed without the help of a
+couple of servants?
+
+Scotchmen still drink hard; but where is the time when people
+recommended a _protégé_, who was a candidate for a vacant post, by
+adding at the foot of his petition, "He is a trustworthy man--capable,
+hard-working, and a fine drinker"?
+
+Lord Cockburn, who was a sober man, mentions how he was once dining in a
+friend's house, and towards the end of the dinner was surprised to see
+the number of guests around the table diminishing, although no one had
+left the room. He set himself to solve the mystery, and soon discovered
+that they had rolled under the table, one after the other. A bright idea
+occurred to him. There was a bit of ground free near his feet; he would
+secure it, and escape from the drink without drawing down on himself the
+displeasure of his host.
+
+Feigning to be helplessly drunk, he slid under the table.
+
+Scarcely had he taken his place among the victims of this Scot's
+hospitality, when he felt a pair of hands at his throat.
+
+"What is it?" asked he, alarmed.
+
+"All right, sir," said a voice at his ear; "I am the boy as looses the
+cravats!"
+
+He submitted to the treatment, and then lay patiently waiting till the
+servants came and carried him to bed.
+
+Scotchmen still drink hard; but where is the time when, about eleven in
+the evening, the ladies of the house withdrew to their rooms and locked
+themselves in, to escape from the drunken humours of the men who, the
+next morning, would treat them with all the respect due to their sex?
+
+Yes, Scotchmen still drink hard; and if they only consecrated to Venus
+half--nay, one tenth--of the time that they consecrate to Bacchus,
+Scotchwomen would be the most envied women in the world.
+
+Donald is theological in his cups: that is to say, the Bible, which
+every true Scot is full of, comes up as the whisky goes down; so that
+when the said whisky has floated the Bible, the Scotchman begins to
+discuss the most subtle biblical questions.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+This is how the evening is passed in Scotland.
+
+Dinner is served about seven. After dessert, the ladies retire to the
+drawing-room while the gentlemen finish their wine, smoke, and take
+coffee. This done, they join the ladies in the drawing-room, where tea
+is served, and an hour or so passed in conversation and music. At
+eleven, the gentlemen return to the dining-room or go to the library.
+Whisky and cigars are brought, and the fête begins. Several times, when
+the master of the house beckoned to me to follow him from the
+drawing-room, I tried to make him understand that I was very contented
+in the company of the ladies; but it was useless. He would generally
+take my arm and say:
+
+"Come along!"
+
+As who should say:
+
+"Enough of that; you are a man, are you not? Come and pass the evening
+in manly fashion."
+
+There was nothing to do but follow.
+
+I pleaded all kinds of excuses to avoid this part of the entertainment.
+
+"The doctor has forbidden me to drink," I mildly suggested once or
+twice, "or I should be very happy, I assure you."
+
+Occasionally I tried to bring to bear more serious reasons--business
+reasons--such as:
+
+"Excuse me, I have to lecture almost every day, and I am a little afraid
+for my voice."
+
+Much use this! Such an excuse came near rendering me ridiculous in the
+eyes of those lusty Scots. They were ready to exclaim,
+
+"What milksops those Frenchmen are!"
+
+For the honour of the French flag, I would mix myself a glass of toddy;
+and by just taking a sip every quarter of an hour, make it last out the
+sitting, which seldom ended before two in the morning.
+
+By a little after midnight, the tongues seem to tire, and conversation
+flags. At regular intervals come the solemn puff, puff, puff, from the
+smokers' lips, and the long spiral columns of smoke float noiselessly
+upwards. The faces grow long and solemn to match: it is the Bible rising
+to the surface. Soon it floats--as I explained just now--and
+conversation starts again on theology. Each has his own manner of
+interpreting the Scriptures, and burns to explain it to his neighbour.
+Then follow the subtlest arguments, the most interminable discussions. I
+listen. If I have not many talents, I have at least one--that of being
+able to hold my tongue in English, Scotch, and all imaginable languages.
+
+The whisky continues to pass from the bottle to the glasses, and from
+the glasses to the throats of the company. The Bible comes up faster
+than ever. When the guests are well emptied of theology, everyone takes
+his nightcap--the signal for breaking up. The nightcap is generally the
+little whisky left in the decanter; to do it honour, it is taken neat.
+All get up, shake hands, and say Good-night. As you leave your host, you
+ask him at what time breakfast is served, and he replies:
+
+"At eight."
+
+At eight! Can he mean it? Deducting the necessary time for undressing,
+and for getting through your morning toilet, there remain scarcely five
+hours for sleep. The thought that you must make haste and get to sleep,
+in order to have a chance of being able to wake between seven and
+half-past, is just enough to prevent you from closing your eyes for the
+night. Thank goodness, your host, in his solicitude, has foreseen the
+difficulty. At seven o'clock, a horrible din makes you start up in bed
+and tremble from head to foot. It is a servant sounding the gong--a sort
+of tam-tam of Chinese invention--which fills the house with a noise fit
+to make you reproduce all the contortions that manufacturers of
+porcelain attribute to the Celestials. You rise, and dress as fast as
+you can. Your features look drawn; your head feels upside down; your
+eyes seem coming out of your head; you have the hairache: but you
+console yourself with the thought of the others. What will they be
+like? What a figure they will cut at table!
+
+You were never more mistaken. In they come, the lusty rascals, looking
+as bright as the lark. Nothing on their faces betray the libations of
+over night, or the scanty measure of sleep they have been able to get.
+
+"What an iron race, these Scots!" I have often exclaimed to myself. "Who
+could hope to compete with them?"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+    Religion and Churches in Scotland. -- Why Scotch Bishops cut a
+    poor Figure. -- Companies for insuring against the Accidents of
+    the Life to come. -- Religious Lecture-Rooms. -- No one can
+    serve two Masters. -- How the Gospel Camel was able to pass
+    through the Eye of a Needle. -- Incense and Common Sense. --
+    I understand, therefore I believe. -- Conversions at Home. --
+    Conversions in open Air. -- A modest Preacher. -- A well-filled
+    Week. -- Touching Piety. -- Donald recommends John Bull and
+    Paddy to the Lord.
+
+
+Great Britain boasts two State Churches: the Anglican, or Episcopal,
+Church in England and Wales, and the Presbyterian Church in Scotland.
+
+The Presbyterian Church is not under the jurisdiction of a bishop, but
+of a General Assembly, composed of lay and ecclesiastical deputies
+elected by the towns and universities, and presided over by a
+Moderator, elected by the Assembly, and a Lord High Commissioner,
+appointed every year by the Queen, and requited for this arduous task
+with two thousand pounds.
+
+The Scotch Presbyterian Church was established in 1560; but the Stuarts
+re-established the Episcopalian Church in 1662. The Revolution of 1688,
+followed by the accession of the Prince of Orange to the throne of
+England, made Presbyterianism flourish again, and its ministers still
+receive emoluments from the State.
+
+The Episcopalian Church still exists in Scotland, governed by seven
+bishops; but, by the irony of fate, she has become, as it were, a sort
+of dissenting Church.
+
+Scotland has many Catholics. Two archbishops and four bishops watch over
+the spiritual health of this flock.
+
+In 1843, many Scotchmen, having discovered that it was contrary to
+Scripture to have ministers appointed by the State, founded the Free
+Church, which at the present time rivals the Presbyterian in importance.
+
+The religious zeal of the Scotch may be judged from the fact that, in
+the year of the separation, a sum of nearly £400,000 was contributed by
+the faithful desirous of founding a Free Church. This Church has eleven
+hundred pastors, receiving salaries of about £200 a year. Not less than
+£560,000 were sent, in 1882, to the Chief Moderator, to help meet the
+expenses of this free faith.
+
+Such are the large centres of religious activity. Besides these, there
+are, as in England, nearly two hundred dissenting sects.
+
+You may imagine whether the Devil has a hard time of it in Scotland.
+
+All these spiritual insurance companies live in perfect harmony, and are
+flourishing.
+
+It is only the Scotch bishops who cut a rather pitiable figure. To be a
+lord bishop, and not to be able to lord it a little, is hard. When I was
+in the North of Scotland, I saw one arrive at Buckie station, on his way
+to inspect the church of the town. The clergyman had come to meet him.
+They took the road to the vicarage, _pedibus cum jambis_, and my lord
+bishop's gaiters attracted no more attention from the good Buckie folk
+than did the ulster of your humble servant.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In Catholic countries, where religion exacts a life of sacrifice and
+abnegation from its ministers, the priesthood is a vocation. In
+Protestant countries, where religion imposes but few restrictions on
+those who serve about the altar, the Church is a profession.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Scotch places of worship are much alike inside and out. Outside, the
+roofs are more or less pointed; inside, the singing is more or less out
+of tune.
+
+Let us go into the first we come to.
+
+Four whitewashed walls, with a ceiling to match, or a roof supported by
+bare rafters; no pictures, no statues; just straight-backed benches, and
+a high desk or pulpit: it is a lecture-room. Not a single outer sign of
+fervour: no kneeling, no clasped hands, or other sign of supplication.
+The faces are cross-looking and forbidding, or else apathetic.
+
+It is curious to reflect that these unmoved faces belong to people who
+would die to defend their liberty of conscience.
+
+Drawling hymns, psalms and canticles sung in the twelve different
+semi-tones of the chromatic scale; sermons full of theological
+subtleties, objections raised and explained away.
+
+The preacher does not seek to appeal to the soul by eloquence, to the
+heart by tenderness and grace, or to the taste by style. He addresses
+himself to the reason alone.
+
+Some preachers read their sermons, some recite them, others give them
+_ex tempore_. These latter are the most interesting.
+
+Here and there I heard sermons that were enough to send one to sleep on
+one's feet; you can imagine the effect upon an audience who had to hear
+them in a sitting posture. But Scotland has not the monopoly of this
+kind of eloquence; from time immemorial it has been the custom of a
+certain proportion of church-goers to shut their eyes to listen to the
+sermon.
+
+Religion is still sterner in Scotland than in England. It is arid, like
+the soil of the country; angular, like the bodies of the inhabitants;
+thorny, like the national emblem of Scotland.
+
+One Sunday I went to a church in Glasgow. The preacher chose for his
+text the passage from St. Matthew's Gospel commencing with "No man can
+serve two masters," and ending "Ye cannot serve God and Mammon."
+
+About three thousand worshippers, careworn and devoured by the thirst
+for lucre, listened unmoved to the diatribes of the worthy pastor, and
+were preparing, by a day of rest, for the headlong race after wealth
+that they were going to resume on the morrow.
+
+What a never-ending theme is the contempt for riches! What sermons in
+the desert, preached by bishops with princely pay, or poor curates who
+treat fortune as Master Reynard treated certain grapes that hung out of
+reach.
+
+I was never more edified than on that Sunday in Glasgow, especially when
+the assembly struck up--
+
+  "O Paradise, O Paradise!
+    'Tis weary waiting here;
+  I long to be where Jesus is,
+    To feel, to see him near.
+  O Paradise, O Paradise!
+    I greatly long to see
+  The special place my dearest Lord
+    In love prepares for me!"
+
+"Ah! my dear Caledonians," thought I, seeing them in such a hurry, "it
+is better to suffer, even in Glasgow, than to die!"
+
+  _Mieux vaut souffrir que mourir
+  C'est la devise des hommes._
+
+By the bye, dear reader, how do you like the expression _special place_?
+Did I exaggerate when I told you the Scotch expect to find places
+specially reserved for them in Heaven?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+This is how I learned by experience never to enter into theological
+discussions with the Scotch.
+
+I had been to morning service in an Edinburgh church with a Scotchman,
+and there again had heard a sermon on the worthlessness of riches. The
+minister had preached from the text, "And again I say unto you: it is
+easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man
+to enter into the kingdom of Heaven."
+
+In my innocence, or rather in my ignorance, I had always seen in these
+words of our Lord a condemnation of riches--a condemnation without
+appeal, and looked upon the man who sought to be rich, and the man who
+did not scatter his wealth, as persons who willingly forfeited all
+chance of entering Heaven.
+
+On leaving the church, my companion and I began to talk of the sermon.
+The Scotch discuss a sermon on their way home from church, as we French
+people discuss the merits of a new play that we have just seen at the
+theatre. As we went along, I communicated my views to my friend. He
+turned on me a glance full of compassion.
+
+"It is easy to see, my dear sir," he said, "that you have been brought
+up in a religion that does not encourage discussion. The result is that
+you swallow without resistance theories which would make our children
+start with indignation. If Christ's phrase could be interpreted in your
+fashion, it would be neither more nor less than an absurdity. He meant
+to say that it was more difficult for a rich man than a poor one to be
+saved, but not that it was impossible."
+
+"But," I began, "it is impossible for a camel to go through the eye of a
+needle."
+
+Here my companion's smile became more sarcastic. I foresaw that his
+explanation was going to stagger me, and so it did.
+
+"You seem to be in earnest," said he; "let me enlighten you. There
+existed at Jerusalem, in our Saviour's time, a gateway called the
+_Needle's Eye_. Although one of the principal entrances to the city,
+this gateway was so narrow that a camel could only get through it with
+difficulty. So Christ meant to say----"
+
+"Enough," I cried, "my ignorance is terrible. I never felt it so much as
+at this moment."
+
+"You see," he added in a rather bantering tone, "in Scotch churches
+there is no incense ... but there is common sense."
+
+Nothing mystic in the religion of the Scotch. The Old and New Testaments
+are submitted to the finest sifting. Every passage is explained. They
+are served up as an intellectual food.
+
+Here people do not see because they believe; they believe because they
+see. Faith is based upon reason.
+
+It is easy to understand why the Scotchman, still more than the
+Englishman, is common sense personified.
+
+You will see young fellows, scarcely come to manhood, meet together, and
+discuss the most subtle questions of theology with all the earnestness
+of doctors of divinity.
+
+It is a powerful school. Reason ripens in the open air of discussion.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Very practical this religion of the Scotch!
+
+I extract the following passage from the letter of a young Scotchman,
+magistrate in India:--
+
+"Time passes tolerably here. For that matter, we are too busy to be much
+bored. Week follows week, and each is rather like the one that went
+before; but all are well filled up. Last Monday, I condemned an Indian
+to six months' imprisonment and held three inquests. On Tuesday, I
+presided at a meeting called for the purpose of hearing the report of
+the Zanana Missions. On Wednesday, I went to races and won £25. Everyone
+had bet on Mignonne, who was backed at two to one; but seeing that the
+ground was damp and slippery, I chose Phoebus, a heavier horse, backed
+at ten to one. I was lucky in my choice. On Thursday, after the work of
+the day, I went to see the Nautch girls dance. It is a little _risqué_;
+but I have often heard you say that a man should see everything, so as
+to be able to judge between good and evil. There was a regatta on
+Friday. I went in for one race, but only came in second. On Saturday, I
+had to make out over a hundred summonses, and try several petty
+offences. An uninteresting day. It is with a feeling of apprehension
+that I always await Saturday. I have one more examination to pass before
+I can sentence the natives to more than one year's imprisonment, and two
+before I can send them to the gibbet. On Sunday, I read the lessons in
+church. In the afternoon I addressed a congregation out of doors. They
+seemed greatly impressed, and I count on several conversions."
+
+You must admit that this was a well-filled week. I thought the mixture
+of sacred and profane quite delicious.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In Scotland, as in England, open-air services are very common. They are
+conducted by good folks, not over afflicted with modesty, who believe
+that they were chosen by Heaven to go and convert their fellow
+creatures--would-be St. Paul's, operating in the Athens of the North,
+and elsewhere.
+
+Following the advice of Horace, these apostles plunge straight into
+their subject. They will attack you with the question, whether you are
+not too fond of the things of this world? or else, whether you have made
+your peace with God?
+
+The utter conceit of these amateur clergy is matchless. They are either
+hypocrites of the worst stamp, or fanatics of the first water, "airing
+their self-righteousness at the corners of the streets." The monotony of
+their tunes, the commonplaces of their would-be sermons, their long
+visages, and their grimaces as they pray--all this is the reverse of
+attractive.
+
+I prefer the soldiers of the Salvation Army. They are rough, but they do
+not banish cheerfulness from their services. They are lively, and break
+the awful silence of the British Sabbath. Their services at first struck
+everyone as blasphemous; but one gets used to everything in this
+country.
+
+I must not pass over the open-air orator, who, to excuse his faults of
+grammar, said to his hearers, of whom I was one: "My dear friends, I
+have had no education, and I know very well I am not a gentleman; but
+that does not prevent me from accepting the mission that I have received
+from Heaven to come and preach the Gospel to you. Jesus Christ was not a
+gentleman--He was a carpenter. The Apostles were not gentlemen
+either--they were fishermen."
+
+Modest, is it not?
+
+There are Scots so sure of their salvation that they pray but to thank
+God that they are not as other men are. These Christians, whom Burns has
+named the _unco' guid_, are charitable: they pray for their neighbours.
+There are, on the west of Scotland, two small islands inhabited by a
+race whose piety is really touching. Every Sunday, in their churches,
+they commend to God's care the poor inhabitants of the adjacent islands
+of England, Scotland, and Ireland!
+
+They have their own future safety assured, and, in their charity, think
+of their neighbours.
+
+Donald presenting Paddy and John Bull to the Lord! The scene is as
+touching as it is amusing.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+    Donald's Relations with the Divinity. -- Prayers and Sermons. --
+    Signification of the Word "Receptivity." -- Requests and
+    Thanksgivings. -- "Repose in Peace." -- "Thou Excelledst them
+    all." -- Explanation of Miracles. -- Pulpit Advertisements. --
+    Pictures of the Last Judgment. -- One of the Elect Belated. --
+    An Urchin Preacher. -- A Considerate Beggar.
+
+
+Donald is still more religious than John Bull--that is to say, he is
+still more theological and church-going; but the fashion in which he
+keeps up relations with the Divinity is very different.
+
+The Englishman entertains the Jewish notion of God--a Deity terrible
+and avenging, whose very name strikes awe, and is not to be lightly
+pronounced without drawing down celestial vengeance.
+
+The Scot has a way of treating his Creator very much as if He were the
+next-door neighbour. He tells Him all his little needs, and will go so
+far as to gently reproach Him if they are not supplied.
+
+If he has dined well, he is lavish in returning thanks to the Lord for
+His infinite favours; his gratitude is boundless. If he has had a meagre
+repast, he thanks Him for the least of His mercies. The thanks are not
+omitted, but at the same time Donald gives the Lord to understand that
+he has made a poor dinner.
+
+The following anecdote was told me in Scotland. The first part of it is
+given by Dr. Ramsay in his _Reminiscences_, I find. As to the second, I
+leave the responsibility of it to my host who related the story to me.
+_Se non e vera, e ben trovata._
+
+A Presbyterian minister had just cut his hay, and the weather not being
+very propitious for making it, he knelt near his open window and
+addressed to Heaven the following prayer:
+
+"O Lord, send us wind for the hay; no a rantin', tantin', tearin' wind,
+but a noughin', soughin', winnin' wind...."
+
+His prayer was here interrupted by a puff of wind that made the panes
+rattle, and scattered in all directions the papers lying on his table.
+
+The minister straightway got up and closed his window, exclaiming:
+
+"Now, Lord, that's ridik'lous!"
+
+If this ending of the anecdote is not authentic, I feel quite sure that
+none but a Scotchman could have invented it.
+
+Donald's prayers are sermons, just as the sermons of his ministers are
+prayers.
+
+In these daily litanies the Scotchman enters into the most trifling
+details with careful forethought: the list of favours he has received,
+and for which he has to return thanks; the list of the blessings he
+wishes for, and will certainly receive, for God cannot refuse him
+anything,--all this is present to his prodigious memory. He dots his
+i's, as we say in France; and if by chance he should happen to employ a
+rather far-fetched expression, he explains it to the Lord, so that there
+shall be no danger of misunderstanding, no pretext for not according him
+what he asks for--he corners Him.
+
+Thus I was one day present at evening prayers in a Scotch family, and
+heard the master of the house, among a thousand other supplications,
+make the following:
+
+"O Lord, give us receptivity; that is to say, O Lord, the power of
+receiving impressions."
+
+The entire Scotch character is there.
+
+What forethought! what cleverness! what a business-like talent! To
+explain to God the signification of the far-fetched word _receptivity_,
+so that He should not be able to say: "There is a worthy Scotchman who
+uses outlandish words; I do not know what it is he wants."
+
+Would not one think that this excellent Caledonian imagined that God had
+been made in his image?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+As gratitude is pretty generally everywhere--but especially in Great
+Britain--a sense of favours to come, this same Scot, before making known
+to the Lord the blessings which he expected from Him, had been careful
+to thank Him for past favours. Here, too, he had been sublime. Judge for
+yourself.
+
+With the lady who was his third wife in the room, he thus expressed
+himself:
+
+"Lord, I thank Thee for the pleasure and the comfort that I derived from
+the company of Jane" (his first wife); "I thank Thee also for the
+pleasure and comfort that I derived from the company of Mary" (his
+second wife).
+
+The third wife was there, at the other end of the table, silent and
+solemn, apparently plunged in profound meditation, and thanking Heaven
+for the pleasure and comfort that the society of Jane and Mary had given
+her husband.
+
+When would her turn come to play her part in these thanksgivings?
+
+Her husband is but sixty-five, and I can assure you has no idea of going
+yet.
+
+Another episode of the same kind came under my notice in a Catholic
+family; but in this case the same Scotch characteristic showed itself
+under a different form--a form suggested by belief in purgatory.
+
+Here, too, the master of the house was a widower remarried, but who had
+only got as far as his second wife. Before this dutiful lady and the
+rest of his family, which was composed of several big sons and three
+grown-up daughters, he prayed for the repose of the soul of his first
+wife, reminding the Lord, in case He should have forgotten it, what an
+angel on earth this incomparable spouse had been.
+
+"Remember, O Lord," he cried, "how discreet, faithful, wise, careful,
+and obedient she was!"
+
+This prayer, in my opinion, was meant to serve two ends, for the
+Scotchman never loses sight of the practical side of things. While it
+solicited the admission of the first wife into Paradise, it reminded the
+second of her duty towards her husband and the virtues he expected of
+her.
+
+Upstairs I saw that which confirmed me in my little theory.
+
+In the bedroom I occupied hung a portrait of Mrs. X. (No. 1). Underneath
+the portrait a card, illuminated with a garland of roses and foliage,
+and bearing the inscription "Rest in Peace," announced to the stranger
+that the original was no longer of this world.
+
+One evening, on opening a drawer of the dressing-table, I beheld a card
+exactly similar to that underneath the portrait, but with the
+inscription:
+
+     "Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excelledst them
+     all."
+
+There it was, all ready to replace the other card, should Mrs. X. (No.
+2) cease to be "discreet, wise, careful, and obedient." I wonder if it
+has seen the light yet!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+No liturgy, no formulas for Donald, when he prays. He will not be
+dictated to as to what he shall say. He knows his own wants, and
+communicates them to his Maker without reserve or restraint.
+
+The Scotch tell of a Presbyterian minister, of the time of George III.,
+who used to officiate in a church in Edinburgh, and prayed for the Town
+Council thus:
+
+"O Lord, have mercy on all fools and idiots, and the members of the Town
+Council of Edinburgh."
+
+What a pity that in Paris churches it is not possible to put up a
+similar petition!
+
+Here is a prayer of an old farmer who lived in the North of Scotland,
+and was well known for his long and forcible addresses to Heaven.
+
+"We thank Thee, Lord, for Thy great goodness to Meg, and that it ever
+cam into thy heid to tak' ony thocht o' sic a useless baw-waw as her.
+For Thy mercy's sake, and for the sake o' Thy poor sinfu' servants that
+are now addressin' Thee in their ain shilly-shally way, hae mercy on
+Rob. Ye ken yersel' he is a wild, mischievous callant, and thinks nae
+mair o' committing sin than a dog does o' lickin' a dish; but put Thy
+hook in his nose, an' Thy bridle in his gab, an' gar him come back to
+Thee with a jerk that he'll ne'er forget the langest day he has to
+leeve.
+
+"We're a' like hawks, we're a' like snails, we're a' like sloggie
+riddles: like hawks to do evil, like snails to do guid, and like sloggie
+riddles that let through a' the guid and keep a' the bad.
+
+"Bring doon the tyrant and his lang neb, for he has done muckle ill the
+year; gie him a cup o' Thy wraith, an' 'gin he winna tak that, gie him
+_kelty_" (two cups, a double dose).
+
+The finest and most characteristic prayer that it has been my good luck
+to come across is the following, which I have kept for a _bonne bouche_.
+The good folks of Dumbarton used it in the year 1804, when the
+inhabitants of Scotland firmly believed that Napoleon had resolved to
+invade Great Britain:
+
+"Lord, bless this house and a' that's in this house, and a' within twa
+miles ilka side this house. O bless the coo and the meal and the
+kail-yard and the muckle toun o' Dumbarton.
+
+"O Lord, preserve us frae a' witches and warlocks, and a' lang nebbet
+beasties that gang through the heather.
+
+"O build a strong dyke between us and the muckle French. Put a pair o'
+branks about the neck of the French Emperor; gie me the helter in my ain
+hand, that I may lead him about when I like: for Thy name's sake. Amen."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+To this day you will hear, in any country church in Scotland, these
+interminable litanies. It is the minister's work to watch over the
+interests of his flock; he knows their wants and their wishes, and he
+expresses them in his prayers. That does not prevent Donald from going
+through the same process again at home; it is always well to know how to
+conduct one's own affairs.
+
+Every Scot is a born preacher. Even his conversation has a certain smack
+of the pulpit. By dint of preaching and listening to preachers, his
+conversation gets a sermonising turn.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+That familiarity with which Donald keeps up his relations with his
+Maker--a familiarity which comes from the good-humoured frankness of the
+Scotch character--shows itself above all in the ministers of the various
+religious sects of the country.
+
+Thus a pastor of the Free Church, wishing to explain how Jesus had
+performed a miracle in walking across the waves to join His disciples,
+hit upon this forcible way of bringing it home to his hearers:
+
+"My dear brethren, to walk on the sea is a very wonderful thing: you
+would find it just as difficult as to walk across this ceiling with your
+head downwards."
+
+Another, wishing to illustrate how God is everywhere and sees
+everything, told his congregation:
+
+"The Lord is like a moose in a dry stane dyke, aye keekin' out at us
+frae holes and crannies, and we canna see Him."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Scotch preachers of the old school knew how to recommend their
+parishioners to the care of Heaven--and occasionally to the shop of a
+friend.
+
+A Scotchman told me that he remembered to have heard, when a boy, a Free
+Church minister thus express himself in the pulpit:
+
+"Lord, protect us from the cholera, at this time making such terrible
+ravages in Glasgow; endow the doctors of this town with wisdom; give
+them also health, especially to James Macpherson, who is getting old and
+cannot afford to pay a substitute. And you, my dear friends, be prudent:
+keep yourselves warm, that is the essential thing; wear flannel
+clothing. If you have none at home, lose no time in going to Donald
+Anderson. He has just received from London a large stock of the best
+flannels, which he is selling very cheap. I bought some of him at a
+shilling a yard, and I am perfectly satisfied with it. Donald Anderson
+lives at 22 Lanark Street; don't go elsewhere."
+
+If the Englishman has, as I said elsewhere, knocked down to himself the
+kingdom of Heaven, which he looks upon as a British possession, the
+Scotchman has discerned to himself all the best places therein.
+
+A few months ago an amiable Scotchman offered me his hospitality in the
+environs of Edinburgh. On entering my bedroom, I saw a picture of the
+Last Judgment. It quite took my breath away, the sight of that picture.
+And no wonder! At God's right hand came--first, John Knox; next, Robert
+Burns and Sir Walter Scott; then an immense crowd of good folk, who, if
+they had been in complete attire, would have had kilts and plaids; and
+then next, but at some distance, John Wesley and a number of other
+well-known English divines; and beyond them--no one. But that is not
+all. On the left hand were a good sprinkling of popes, among people of
+all sorts and conditions, but all foreigners.
+
+I called my host quickly.
+
+"Well," I said, "what have you been up to in this country? What! Without
+giving anybody warning, without a 'by your leave,' you install
+yourselves in the best seats to the exclusion of the poor outside world!
+My dear sir, it looks to me as if, when all your Britannic subjects are
+supplied with places, there will be room for no one else."
+
+It was enough to make a Frenchman cry, "Stop thief!"
+
+I was fain to console myself, however, with the thought that in France
+we can draw pictures of the Last Judgment too, but with a decided
+improvement on this arrangement of figures. To look for John Knox in
+ours would be sheer waste of time.
+
+As to Robert Burns, who certainly was no saint, far from it, I do not
+remember to have seen him, but I guarantee that he is to be found in the
+midst of the angels, beside Beethoven, Shakespeare, Raphael, Victor
+Hugo, and kindred spirits.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The following anecdote, told me in Scotland, will perhaps tend to prove
+that even the libations of overnight do not hinder a true-born Scot from
+believing himself in Paradise the following morning.
+
+Donald had imbibed whisky freely in the house of a friend, and towards
+two in the morning set out for home, describing wonderful zigzags as he
+went.
+
+It suddenly occurred to him, in one of those lucid moments which the
+tipsiest man will occasionally have, that the cemetery of Kirkcaldy
+formed a short cut to his house. He steered for the place, but had not
+gone far when an open grave arrested his progress. He tried to jump, his
+foot caught, he slipped, and the next moment was lying full length in
+the improvised bed. Here he soon fell fast asleep. About six in the
+morning the Kirkcaldy coach came speeding past, the coachman making the
+air ring with a shrill trumpet blast. Donald awakes, rubs his eyes, and,
+taking it to be the Last Trump calling the elect from their tombs,
+arises awe-stricken. He looks around him. No one; not a soul!
+
+"Weel, weel," cries Donald; "weel, weel, this is a fery puir show for
+Kirkcaldy!!!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The French beggar accosts one with a "God bless you." If he is blind, he
+plays the flute. The Scotch beggar's stock-in-trade is generally a
+Bible. For a penny he will recite you a chapter; Old and New Testament
+are equally familiar to him. If he is blind, he does the same as his
+English _confrère_: he reads aloud from a Bible printed in raised
+characters.
+
+Those who can get enough to invest in an organ or a _discordeon_ abandon
+the Bible business, which is not lucrative. Besides, turning the handle
+is easy work; whereas learning the Bible by heart demands study.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The beggar reciting the Bible to fill his pocket is very well; but he
+does not come up to the preaching street arab.
+
+A learned professor at the University of Aberdeen told me, last
+February, that he was one day accosted by a beggar-boy of about ten, who
+asked him for a penny.
+
+"A penny! What are you going to do to earn it?" asked the professor.
+
+"Shall I sing?" replied the boy.
+
+"No."
+
+"Shall I dance?"
+
+"No."
+
+"Shall I preach?"
+
+The professor pulled out his penny without "asking for further change."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I cannot take leave of performing beggars without relating a little
+incident that I was a witness of in Edinburgh:
+
+A beggar came up to me, asking for alms.
+
+"You have a violin there," I said to him; "but you do not play it. How
+is that?"
+
+"Oh, sir!" he replied; "give me a penny, and don't make me play. I
+assure you you won't regret it."
+
+I understood his delicacy, and to show him that I appreciated it
+launched out my penny.
+
+"But," I added, "do you never use your violin?"
+
+"Yes, sir, sometimes," he said, lowering his voice, "as a threat."
+
+I lost my penny, but saved my ears.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+    The Scotch Sabbath. -- The Saviour in the Cornfield. -- A good
+    Advertisement. -- Difference between the Inside and the Outside
+    of a Tramcar. -- How useful it is to be able to speak Scotch in
+    Scotland. -- Sermon and Lesson on Balistics at Edinburgh. -- If
+    you do Evil on the Sabbath, do it well.
+
+
+The Lord's day is not called Sunday in Scotland, but the Sabbath, which
+is more biblical.
+
+The Scotch Sabbath beats the English Sunday into fits.
+
+I thought, in my innocence, that the English Sunday was not to be
+matched.
+
+Delusion on my part.
+
+How hope to give a description of the Scotch Sabbath? It is an
+undertaking that might frighten a far more clever pen than mine.
+
+Happily, in this also, the Scotch anecdote comes to my rescue.
+
+Here is one, to begin with, which will show once more how difficult it
+is to trip up a Scotchman. Nothing is sacred for him when he wants to
+get himself out of a difficulty.
+
+A Free Kirk minister met a member of his congregation, and thus
+addressed her:
+
+"Mary, I am glad to have met you; for I have something on my mind that
+I have been anxious to speak to you of for a long while. I have
+heard--but it surely cannot be--I have heard that you sometimes go for a
+walk on the blessed Sabbath."
+
+"Ay, meenister, it is quite true; but I read in the Bible that Our Lord
+walked through the cornfields on the Sabbath day."
+
+"I do not deny it," replied the good man, a little disconcerted; "but,"
+he added, recovering his self-possession, "let me tell you that if the
+Saviour did take a walk on the Sabbath, I dinna think the more of Him
+for 't."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I one day read, in an Edinburgh paper, the following letter, addressed
+to the editor of the paper by a Scotch minister. This minister had been
+accused by his antagonist of having been seen taking a walk through one
+of the parks on the Sabbath.
+
+What an advertisement that letter was!
+
+This is how it ran:
+
+    "Certain malevolent and unscrupulous persons have dared to set
+    afloat the rumour that I was seen in the Queen's Park on the
+    Sabbath. I utterly deny the accusation. I never take walks on the
+    Sabbath. Allow me also to add that, though by going through the park
+    I should considerably shorten the walk from my house to the church,
+    I avoid doing so. Let my enemies watch me, if they feel inclined,
+    and they will see that I go round."
+
+It seems impossible to beat that; but what do you think of the
+following, which at all events runs it close?
+
+The little scene happened at Edinburgh one Sunday.
+
+My host and I were going to hear a preacher at some distance from the
+centre of the town.
+
+In Princes Street we hailed an omnibus.
+
+I, in my simplicity, prepared to mount on the top, when I felt someone
+pulling at my coat-tails. It was my companion, who was going inside, and
+who made a sign to me to follow.
+
+"What! you ride inside on such a lovely day!" I exclaimed, taking my
+seat at his side.
+
+"On week-days it is all very well to go outside, but on the Sabbath the
+interior is more respectable."
+
+The following little anecdote, which was told me in the north of
+Scotland, proves that the Highlander knows how to reconcile his scruples
+with his interests, even on the Holy Sabbath day:
+
+My friend, walking one day in the neighbourhood of Braemar, all at once
+perceived that he had lost his way.
+
+Meeting a peasant, he asked him to put him on the right track.
+
+"Eh!" said the rustic, "you are breaking the Sawbath, and you are served
+richt. The Lord is punishin' ye...."
+
+This little sermon bid fair to last some time. My friend slipped a
+shilling into the peasant's hand.
+
+The effect was magical.
+
+"Straight on till ye come to the crossroads, then the second turnin' to
+the richt, and there ye are."
+
+There is nothing like knowing how to speak Scotch when you go to
+Scotland.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Yet, the real old Scotch Sabbath is almost passing away.
+
+Some lament it, others rejoice at it; but all the Scotch admit that
+their forefathers would be horrified at the things that pass in these
+days.
+
+And indeed things must have greatly changed.
+
+Now there are those who take walks on the Sabbath. What do I say, walks?
+There are those who ride velocipedes--Heaven forgive them! There are to
+be seen--no offence to my worthy host--there are to be seen poor
+harmless folk degenerate enough to go and sniff the fresh air on the top
+of an omnibus. They are not the _unco' guid_, but still they are Scotch.
+
+Where is the time when Scotch cooks refused to use a roasting-jack on
+Sunday because it worked and made a noise?
+
+Where is the time when a Scotchman almost found fault with his hens for
+laying eggs on the Sabbath?
+
+Where are the days when Donald considered it shocking to introduce music
+into divine service?
+
+The following little scene, of which I was a witness, proved to me that
+in the Scotchman the practical spirit is bound to assert itself. No
+matter whether it is Sunday: if he does evil on the Sabbath, he must do
+it well.
+
+It was one Sunday afternoon in Edinburgh.
+
+Several children were amusing themselves (_proh pudor!_), in a corner of
+Calton Hill Park, by piling up a heap of stones.
+
+When the heap was a few inches high, the children retreated two or three
+yards and, each armed with a stone, began to try and knock down their
+little construction.
+
+Up came a gentleman, indignant.
+
+"Little scamps!" he began, "are you not ashamed of yourselves? Don't you
+know you are breaking the Sabbath?"
+
+This impressive exhortation produced small effect upon the little arabs,
+who went on aiming at the heap, but without success, however.
+
+By the movements of the man every time a stone missed its aim, I could
+see that if the worthy Scot was indignant at the scandalous conduct of
+the boys, their awkwardness inspired him with the most profound
+contempt.
+
+Stone followed stone, but the heap remained intact.
+
+The Scotchman could bear it no longer.
+
+"Duffers!" he cried.
+
+And picking up a stone, he aimed it at the heap, scattering it in all
+directions; then, with a last pitying glance at the young admiring
+troop, quietly resumed his walk.
+
+_Scotch moral._--Don't play at knocking down stones on the blessed
+Sabbath, it is a sin; however, if you do not fear to commit this sin,
+knock down the stones. Don't miss your aim, it is a crime.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+This practical spirit shows itself on Sundays in many of the large towns
+in Great Britain.
+
+In London, for instance, certain tramway companies double the tram-fares
+on Sundays. The Pharisees at the head of these companies say to
+themselves:
+
+"We commit a sin in working on Sundays; let the sin be at least a
+remunerative one."
+
+In France, our public gardens, such as the _Jardin d'Acclimation_ and
+many others, reduce the price of admission on Sundays, in order to allow
+the working-people and their children to take a day of cheap and
+healthful recreation.
+
+For a penny, I can any day of the week get taken by tram close to the
+magnificent Kew Gardens. The poor workman, who would like to go there on
+Sunday, is obliged to pay twopence to the company--one penny for his
+place, and another to appease the consciences of the shareholders.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+    Scotch Bonhomie. -- Humour and Quick-Wittedness. --
+    Reminiscences of a Lecturer. -- How the Author was once
+    taken for an Englishman.
+
+
+It seems strange that in this country, so religious as it is, most of
+the anecdotes which the people are fond of relating should refer to
+religion, and that the hero of them should generally be the minister.
+All that joking at the Scriptures, that parodying of the Bible, those
+little comic scenes at the poor minister's expense, seem at first sight
+to be in direct opposition with the national character. It is nothing of
+the kind, however. These anecdotes, which after all have in reality
+nothing irreverent in them, prove but one thing to us, and that is, that
+the Scotch are steeped over head and ears in Bible, and are not sorry to
+get a laugh out of it now and then: it does them good, it is a little
+relief to them, and--if I may believe Dean Ramsay, the great authority
+on Scotch anecdotes--the ministers are the first to set the example.
+
+Those anecdotes, I repeat, are not irreverent: I have heard them told by
+Scotchmen who would not think of shaving on a Sunday for fear of giving
+the cook extra work to boil water early. (And do not smile if I add that
+in the evening, after supper, there was hot water on the table for the
+_toddy_. At that hour the water had had time to boil without occasioning
+any extra labour. At all events, this is how I accounted for the
+phenomenon.)
+
+Their anecdotes, in a word, prove that the Scotch see a subtle, pithy
+point more easily than the English, whatever these latter may say, and
+that they are not so intolerant in matters religious as they are often
+represented to be.
+
+The further north you go in Great Britain, the more quick-wittedness and
+humour you find. For quickness in seizing the signification of a
+gesture, a glance, a tone, I do not hesitate, if my opinion have the
+slightest value, to give the palm to the Scotch.
+
+When, for instance, in lecturing, I remind my audience that the English
+have given the British Isles the name of "_United_ Kingdom," the Scotch
+shake with laughter: the little point of sarcasm does not escape their
+intelligence. In England, I am generally obliged to pause on it and give
+them time to reflect; and once or twice, in the south, I was seized with
+a great temptation to cry out, _à la_ Mark Twain, "Ladies and gentlemen,
+this is a joke."
+
+I have found all my audiences sympathetic and indulgent; but that which
+provokes a laugh in the north, often leaves the south indifferent. In
+Birmingham, Yorkshire, Lancashire, in all these great centres of British
+activity, and in Scotland, that which is appreciated in a humorous
+lecture is a bit of covert satire--a pleasantry accompanied by an
+imperturble look: the kind of fun that the English themselves call "dry
+and quiet." In the south, you often regret to see that a broad joke
+brings you a roar of applause; while some of your pet points, those that
+you are proudest of, will pass almost unnoticed.
+
+Let me give you an idea of that which the lecturer has to swallow
+sometimes.
+
+In a room, a few miles out of London, I had just given a lecture to the
+members of a literary Society.
+
+In this lecture, wishing to show to my audience that enlightened and
+intelligent French people know how to appreciate British virtues, I had
+recited almost in its entirety that scene in the _Prise de Pèkin_, in
+which the hero, a _Times_ correspondent, walks to execution with a firm
+step, defying the Emperor of China and his mandarins with the words, "La
+Hangleterre il était le première nation du monde."
+
+The lecture over, I had retired with the chairman to the committee-room.
+Immediately after, a lady presented herself at the door and asked the
+chairman to introduce me to her.
+
+After the usual salutations and compliments, the worthy lady said to me
+pointblank:
+
+"You are not a Frenchman; I knew you were an Englishman."
+
+"I am afraid the compliment is a little exaggerated," I responded;
+"certainly you cannot make me believe that I speak English so well as
+to pass for an Englishman."
+
+"Oh! that is not it," she said; "but at the end of your lecture you gave
+us a French quotation with a very strong English accent."
+
+I begged the lady to excuse me, as "I had a train to catch."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+    Drollery of Scotch Phraseology. -- A Scotchman who Lost his
+    Head. -- Two Severe Wounds. -- Premature Death. -- A Neat
+    Comparison. -- Cold Comfort.
+
+
+I have spoken in a preceding chapter of the picturesque manner in which
+the Scotch people of the old school express themselves. Here are two or
+three examples which will well illustrate what I mean.
+
+I one day made the acquaintance of an old Scotch soldier. He had been
+present at the battle of Waterloo, and was fond of talking about the
+Napoleonic wars.
+
+I started his favourite topic.
+
+He described the battle of Waterloo to me with the most remarkable
+clearness. It was even touching to hear him give the details of the
+death of one of his comrades whose head had been shot off by a
+cannon-ball.
+
+"Poor fellow," he added, "he will have to appear at the Last Day with
+his head under his arm."
+
+"Were you ever wounded, yourself?" I asked.
+
+"Yes," replied the old Scot with an imperturbable seriousness which made
+it impossible to suppose that he intended a joke; "I received two
+wounds--one at Quatre-Bras and the other in the right leg."
+
+I once had a long conversation with an old lady of eighty-two, whose
+grandfather had served, in his youth, under Bonnie Prince Charlie. She
+related to me all the wonderful adventures of her ancestor, and when she
+had come to the end, added, with a gravity that was sublime:
+
+"He's deed noo."
+
+The conversation of these Scots of the old school is full of surprises.
+You must be ready for anything. In the very middle of the most pathetic
+story, out will come a remark that will make you shake with laughter.
+This drollery has all the more hold over you, because it is natural. The
+Scot is too natural to aim at being amusing, and it is just this
+simplicity, this _naturalness_, which disarms and overcomes you.
+
+Donald has a way of looking at things which gives his remarks a piquancy
+that is irresistible: it almost takes your breath away sometimes, you
+feel quite floored.
+
+A Scotch pastor was trying to give a farmer of his parish an idea of the
+delights which await us in Paradise.
+
+"Yes, Donald," he cried, "it is a perpetual concert. There's Raphael
+singing, Gabriel accompanying him on the harp, and all the angels
+flapping their wings to express their joy. Oh, Donald, what a sublime
+sight! You cannot imagine anything like it."
+
+"Ay, ay, but I can," interrupted Donald. "It is just like the geese flap
+their wings when we have had a lang droot, an' they see the rain a
+comin'."
+
+In making this remark, nothing is further from Donald's intention than
+to make a joke, or be irreverent. He says it in all seriousness. It is
+in this that a great charm of the Scotch phraseology lies.
+
+A friend of mine told me that he was once walking through a churchyard
+with a Scotchman, and feeling a fit of sneezing coming on, he remarked
+to his companion that he feared he had taken a cold.
+
+"That's bad," replied the Scotchman, "but there's mony a ane here who
+wad be glad o 't."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+    Family Life -- "Can I assist you?" -- "No, I will assist myself,
+    thank you." -- Hospitality in good Society. -- The Friends of
+    Friends are Friends. -- When the Visitors come to an End there
+    are more to follow. -- Good Society. -- Women. -- Men. --
+    Conversation in Scotland. -- A Touching little Scene.
+
+
+The hospitality of the Scotch, the simplicity of their manners, and the
+authority which the father wields, give Scotch family life quite a
+patriarchal aspect.
+
+The existence which the Scotch lead is a little morose in its austerity,
+but it becomes these cool, calm people, brought up in a religion that is
+the enemy of joyousness, and in a climate that induces sadness. Gaiety
+is produced by an agreeable sense of existence; it is the reflection of
+a generous sun in temperate climates.
+
+Austerity banishes familiarity from family life and engenders
+constraint. I have seen Scotch homes where laughter is considered
+ill-bred, and the joyous shouts of children are repressed. I felt ill at
+ease there; that reserve inspired by an overdrawn sense of propriety
+paralysed my tongue, and I could only answer in monosyllables the
+monosyllabic remarks of my host and hostess. Happily nothing more
+elaborate was expected of me.
+
+"Is this your first visit to Scotland?"
+
+"No, I have had the pleasure of visiting Scotland several times."
+
+"Our country must seem very dull to you after France."
+
+"A little ... but I live in England."
+
+"Which do you like best, England or Scotland?"
+
+"Oh! Scotland, certainly."
+
+"It is very cold to-day."
+
+"Yes, but not colder than usual."
+
+Heaven be thanked! dinner is announced, and I offer my arm to the lady
+of the house.
+
+It is a family dinner. My host has before him a fine joint of beef,
+there are two chicken in front of my hostess, and I am placed opposite a
+boiled ham. A pair of carvers, laid with my cover, tell me that I shall
+have to carve the ham which is here eaten with the chicken. The idea is
+excellent; but all at once, down go the heads almost to the tablecloth.
+My host looks at the chicken, at the ham, and lastly at the ribs of
+beef. His face clouds and, bending over the beef, he growls a few
+inarticulate words at it. It is not, as Mark Twain would say, that there
+is anything the matter with it, Scotch beef is the best in the world.
+These words, that I was unable to catch the sense of, were meant to
+invoke the blessing of Heaven on the repast: it was Grace before meat.
+Very right. I like the idea of thanking Heaven for its favours, but why
+the frown?
+
+A servant stands behind his master's chair, another behind my hostess.
+
+My host arms himself with his carving knife and fork and, without
+relaxing a muscle of his face, says to me:
+
+"Can I assist you to a little beef?"
+
+"No, thank you, I think I will take a little chicken."
+
+"Can I assist you, my dear?" he said looking at his wife.
+
+"No, thank you, I will assist myself," replies that lady.
+
+"May I assist you to a slice of ham?" I ask, seeing her put the wing of
+a chicken on her plate.
+
+"A very small piece, please."
+
+When everyone is _assisted_, conversation resumes its little
+monosyllabic jog-trot, until the arrival of the puddings and sweets,
+when each of us again begins to propose to assist the other, and to
+think "We will take a little of this or that."
+
+The sensation of needles and pins in your legs, the phraseology that
+consists in expressing one's thoughts by _I think I will take a little
+tart, I do not think I will take any cheese, very little of this, a very
+small piece of that_, when one feels hungry, those few moments of solemn
+suspense during which the company look at one another waiting for the
+hostess to rise--all these things give you cold shivers.
+
+At last the ladies withdraw, the men are left to themselves, and you
+feel a little less restrained.
+
+I had already been present at many little scenes of this kind in
+England, not in high society where one finds much ease and liveliness,
+but in a few middle-class houses among straight-laced people. The little
+scene which I have attempted to describe passed in a country mansion.
+Yet I cannot enumerate all the delicate attentions with which those kind
+Scotch people surrounded me during my short stay among them. In most of
+the Scotch houses where I had the honour of being entertained, I found a
+generous and considerate hospitality, a hospitality which was all the
+more agreeable for not being overpowering. No fuss, no noise, no
+frivolous politeness. On my arrival the master of the house explained to
+me the geography of his habitation.
+
+"This is the smoking-room, this the library, here is the drawing-room,
+and there is your bedroom. And now, my dear sir, be at home, or get
+home."
+
+That is the best kind of hospitality. The Scotchman puts all the
+resources of his house at your disposition and, in a really hospitable
+spirit, leaves you to use them according to your taste.
+
+Several families I know of keep open house all the year round. The
+friends of friends are friends, and are always well received no matter
+at what hour they may make their appearance. Some will arrive in time
+for dinner, play a game of billiards and retire. At the breakfast
+table, the mistress of the house enquires of her husband how many guests
+he has, and he often finds it very difficult to answer her question.
+
+I was very much amused one Sunday morning in one of these houses. The
+breakfast was on the table from nine to half-past twelve. The guests
+took as much sleep as they liked and came down when they pleased. When I
+thought they were all down there were more to come. They helped
+themselves to tea or coffee, and having boiled an egg over the fire, set
+down comfortably to their breakfast. Some had gone to church, others to
+the library to smoke, or to the park to take the air. Two only turned up
+at two o'clock to luncheon. I should not wonder if one or two stayed in
+bed all day, for I think I remember that, at dinner-time, I saw a face
+or two that looked to me like fresh acquaintances.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Good society is the same everywhere--like hotels, as Edmond About said.
+It is only a question of more or less manners in the first, and more or
+less fleas in the second.
+
+In Scotland fleas are rare. They would starve on the skin of the Scotch
+men and are too well-mannered to attack that of the Scotch ladies.
+
+As to good society it is no exception to the rule here.
+
+To study the manners of the Scotch, as well as to study the manners of
+any other nation, you must mix with the middle classes, with the people
+above all, for they are the real repository of the traditions of the
+country. You must travel third-class; there is nothing to be learnt in
+first. For that matter, there is nothing alarming about that in
+Scotland, their third-class carriages are superior to our French
+seconds.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Scotchwoman is pretty.
+
+She has not the sparkling, piquant physiognomy of the Frenchwoman; she
+has not the beautiful clear grey eyes--those eyes so dreamy and
+tender--of the Irishwoman. But she looks more simple and reserved than
+her English sisters, although her manner is just as frank.
+
+I have often admired Scotchwomen of a pronounced Celtic type. They have
+large eyes, dark and well shaped, with long lashes; their features are
+admirably regular, they are generally rather under middle height, with
+broad shoulders and perfectly proportioned sculptural lines.
+
+Red hair is common in Scotland. One sees more of it in Edinburgh and
+Glasgow than in the whole of England; but the skin is so fine, the
+features are so delicate, the complexion so clear, that the little
+defect passes unperceived or forgiven.
+
+The men are hard and sinewy.
+
+In point of appearance I prefer the English and Irish men. Scotchmen are
+well fitted for the battle of life. They are useful to their country but
+hardly ornamental.
+
+The Scotchman is absorbed in business. In his leisure moments he goes
+into politics or theology; he studies or takes outdoor exercise. He has
+little time to consecrate to women. He prefers the company of men.
+
+The women are timid, the men reserved, and if you feel ready to
+undertake the burden of the conversation, you will be listened to in
+Scotland; but I cannot guarantee that you will be appreciated. Your
+words are criticised, examined, and sifted, and when you flatter
+yourself with the sweet thought that you have given your host a high
+idea of your conversational powers, you will often only have succeeded
+in making a fool of yourself in their eyes.
+
+Never try to entertain the Scotch. Rather hear what they have to say.
+Reply to their questions; but if you would inspire them with respect, be
+sober in your speech, and above all avoid dogmatising. Leave the door of
+discussion always open, so that each member of the company may enter
+easily. Many Frenchmen have the bad habit of dogmatising, as if their
+verdicts were without appeal. This habit is an outcome of our frank,
+impulsive character; but the Scotch would be slow in appreciating it.
+
+When a Scotchman asked me--which he invariably did--what were my
+political opinions, I answered him that a monarchy has its good points,
+and a republic has incontestable advantages. That allowed each one to
+express himself freely upon the two forms of government, and instead of
+entertaining them, I listened, which was infinitely more prudent, and
+perhaps also more profitable for me.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I have several times been a witness of very touching little scenes in
+Scotland, which proved to me that there are hearts of gold to be found
+under the rough surfaces of Scotchmen.
+
+Here is one among many; it is a reminiscence of my visit in a country
+seat not far from Edinburgh.
+
+"I want to introduce you to an old lady, who wishes very much to make
+your acquaintance," said my host to me one day.
+
+"Who is the lady?" I asked.
+
+"It is an old servant who has been in the family more than eighty years.
+It was she who brought up my father, myself, and my children. She is
+ninety-eight years old to-day, and with our care we hope to see her live
+to a hundred."
+
+We went upstairs, and on the third floor we entered a little suite of
+apartments, consisting of two most comfortable rooms, a bedroom and a
+little parlour. There we found the _old lady_, sitting in an arm-chair,
+and having a chat with one of the young ladies of the house.
+
+"Janet," said my host, "I bring you our friend who wishes to present his
+respects to you."
+
+"I am no as active as I was," said the good old soul to me, "but I am
+wonderfu' weel for my age. I shall soon be a hundred years of age."
+
+"Nonsense," said my host kissing his old nurse, "who told you that? You
+have forgotten how to count, Janet; don't get absurd ideas into your
+head."
+
+"We never leave her alone," he said to me; "my wife and daughters take
+it in turn to pass the day with her and amuse her. They bring their
+needlework and help poor old Janet to forget time."
+
+I looked around me. The walls were covered with drawings and a thousand
+ornaments that only the heart of woman knows how to invent. Never a good
+dish came on the table without Janet having her share. At night all the
+family met in her little parlour for prayers and Bible reading.
+
+I shook hands with the old servant and went away greatly touched.
+
+"She is no longer a servant," said my host to me; "she has property, and
+all the household call her _the old lady_. She will be buried with us. I
+have already seen to the carrying out of her wishes on this subject. She
+wants to lie at the feet of the family, and has begged to have her grave
+made across the foot of ours. So I have bought a piece of ground next to
+our vault, and Janet's desire is to be carried out. We hope to keep her
+many years yet; we shall all miss her when she is gone."
+
+All this was said without apparent emotion, without the least
+ostentation.
+
+"Well," I said to myself, "in Scotland more than anywhere one must not
+judge people by their exterior."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+    Little Sketches of Family Life in Scotland. -- The Scotchman of
+    "John Bull and his Island." -- Painful Explanations. -- As a
+    Father I love you, as a Customer I take you in. -- A Good
+    Investment. -- Killing two Birds with one Stone. -- A Young Man
+    in a Hurry.
+
+
+What letters of recrimination I received on the subject of a certain
+Scotchman presented to the readers of _John Bull and His Island_! What
+downpours!
+
+Some accused me of caricaturing, some of imposture. Others, with more
+delicacy, hinted that I should do better at novel writing than at
+_impressions de voyage_.
+
+For a month my letter-box was besieged, and at each _rat-tat_ of the
+postman I used to say to myself: "One more indignant Scotchman."
+
+After all, what had I done to draw down such thunders?
+
+Here is the offending passage:
+
+"A young literary Scotchman of my acquaintance generally passes a month
+once a year in the house of his father on the outskirts of Edinburgh.
+His father is a Presbyterian minister in a very enviable position. On
+the day of his departure, my friend invariably finds beside his plate at
+breakfast, a little paper carefully folded: it is the detailed account
+of the repasts he has taken during his stay under the paternal roof; in
+other words, his bill."
+
+I never pretended to say that this kind of father was common in
+Scotland. I did not say I knew of two such fathers, I said I knew of
+one.
+
+The Scotch have not yet digested my delicious Papa. In all parts of
+Scotland I was taken to task in the same manner.
+
+"Come, come, my dear sir, own that it was not true, confess that it was
+a little bit of your own invention."
+
+"His name, what is his name?" cried a few indiscreet ones.
+
+I convinced a few, a few remained undecided; I even saw two or three go
+away still firmly believing the story was a creation of my brain.
+
+I can only say that my friend did not appear to grumble at his father's
+treatment, for he finished by adding:
+
+"On the whole, I do not complain, the bill is always very reasonable."
+
+For that matter, I have come across a better case still.
+
+I know of a Scotch father who bought a house for a thousand pounds and
+sold it to his son, six months later, for twelve hundred.
+
+That is not all.
+
+The son had not the money in hand, and it was the father who advanced
+the cash--at five per cent.
+
+Considering the price money is at nowadays, it was an investment to be
+proud of.
+
+Do not imagine that the father ran the least risk of losing the capital:
+he took a mortgage on the house.
+
+The son, seeing that the money had been advanced to him at high
+interest, paid off his father as quickly as he could. He is now his own
+landlord, and Papa is on the look-out for another good investment.
+
+I should pity the reader, even were he a Scotchman as seen through
+Sydney Smith's spectacles, if he took this Caledonian for a typical
+portrait of the Scotch father.
+
+At the beginning of this volume, I compared the Scot to the Norman, and
+I may say that I have witnessed, in Normandy, little scenes of family
+life which are quite a match for those I have just described. But the
+actors in them were peasants.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am indebted to a doctor in the neighbourhood of Aberdeen for the
+following anecdote:
+
+"I was one day called to the bedside of an old farmer who was
+dangerously ill," said the doctor to me. "On leaving the patient's
+room, I took his son aside and told him that it was useless for me to
+deceive him as to the state of his father, and that I very much feared
+he had not an hour to live, or, at the best, could not outlast the day."
+
+"'Are you quite sure?' said the son, scrutinising me keenly.
+
+"'I am only too sure,' I replied.
+
+"I shook the young man's hands and drove away. I had scarcely been at
+home an hour, when a little cart drew up before my door. I saw the young
+farmer alight from it and, a minute later, he entered my consulting
+room. He held his cap in his hand, twisting it uneasily.
+
+"'Is your father worse?' I asked.
+
+"'No, doctor, just the same. I have come, because I had a little
+business in town ... and I wanted to ask you at the same time.... Well,
+I thought that perhaps you wouldn't mind giving me Father's certificate
+of death now.... As you say it is certain he won't pull through the day,
+I suppose you don't mind whether it is to-day or to-morrow that you give
+it me, and it will save me the trouble of coming in again on purpose.'
+
+"It was all I could do to make the young fellow understand that I could
+not sign the certificate of death of a man who was still alive.
+
+"The old farmer died next morning at nine o'clock.
+
+"At ten, the son came to announce the news and to ask me for the
+certificate."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+    Matrimonial Ceremonies. -- Sweethearts. -- "Un Serrement de main
+    vaut dix serments de bouche." -- "Jack's kisses were nicer than
+    that." -- A Platonic Lover. -- "Excuse me, I'm married." -- A
+    wicked Trick.
+
+
+In Scotland, matrimonial ceremonies are as simple as they are practical.
+No priest, no mayor brought into requisition; you take God and your
+friends to witness. You present your choice to these latter, and say: "I
+take Mary for my wife." The girl on her part says: "I take Donald for my
+husband," and there is an end of the matter. I need not say that you can
+go to Church if you prefer it.
+
+Elementary as the ceremony is, the Scotchman holds it none the less
+sacred for that. It is not without long reflection that he enters into
+the holy estate; and the law, which knows the sagacity and constancy of
+the Scot, has not hesitated to sanction such alliances.
+
+This matrimony made easy in nowise lures the Scot into rushing at it
+headlong. Young couples sometimes remain engaged for years before they
+think of taking the great step. This is often because the man's
+resources are not sufficient for housekeeping, but oftener still because
+the young people want to know each other thoroughly.
+
+I appreciate their prudence in the first case as much as I blame it in
+the second.
+
+How can two affianced people know each other, even if for years they try
+ever so hard?
+
+Love easily lives on trifles, flirtation, sentimental walks, _billets
+doux_, and so on. The sky is serene, the lovers sail on a smooth sea.
+How can they know if they are really good sailors before they have
+encountered a storm?
+
+When cares or misfortunes come, to say nothing of the price of butter
+and the length of the butcher's bill, then they make acquaintance. True
+love resists these shocks and comes out triumphant, but the _other_ kind
+succumbs.
+
+Let lovers see each other every week, every day, if you will, their main
+pastime is the repetition of their vows: they learn nothing of married
+life. The apprenticeship has to begin all over again the day after the
+wedding. Lovers may see each other every day, it is true, but _every
+day_ is not _all day_. Lovers are always on their guard; they put a
+bridle on their tongues; before they meet, they are careful to look in
+the glass and see that nothing is amiss with their toilet; but when they
+are one each side of the bedroom fireplace, he in slippers and
+smoking-cap and she in curl-papers, then comes the test.
+
+Familiarity breeds contempt, says the English proverb. The love that is
+not based on deep-rooted friendship, on solid virtues, on an amiable
+philosophy, and careful diplomacy, will not survive two years of
+matrimonial life. Scarcely any of these things are called into
+requisition during the courtship, and this is how _mariages de
+convenance_ often turn out better than love-matches. Matrimony is a huge
+lottery in both cases.
+
+I prefer the love-making and matrimonial processes of England and
+Scotland to our own French ones; but if I had a marriageable daughter, I
+should be sorry to see her give her heart to a man who could not marry
+her for several years.
+
+The danger with long engagements is that they often do not end in
+matrimony, and in such a case a young girl's future is blighted.
+
+I do not know if you are of my opinion, dear Reader, but, according to
+my taste, making love to a girl who has been engaged five or six years,
+is like sitting down to a dish of _réchauffé_. Seeing the liberty that
+British usage accords to engaged couples, I maintain that pure as the
+lady may be and is, she is none the less a flower that has been breathed
+upon and has lost some of its value. For my part, I should always be
+afraid to give her a kiss, for fear she should pout and seem to say:
+
+"Jack's kisses were far nicer than that!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I extract the following anecdote from the Memoirs of Doctor John Brown,
+a well-known Scotch divine.
+
+The doctor, it appears, had for six years and a half been engaged to be
+married to a certain lady, when it occurred to him that matters were no
+further advanced than on the day when he had asked her for her heart and
+its dependencies. The position became intolerable: the doctor had not
+yet ventured on anything less ceremonious than shaking hands with his
+lady-love. To touch her hand was something, and perhaps the reverend
+gentleman thought, with our French poet:
+
+  _Ce gage d'amitié plus qu'un autre me touche:
+  Un serrement de main vaut dix serments de bouche._
+
+However, one day, he summoned up all his courage, and, as they sat in
+solemn silence, said suddenly:
+
+"Janet, we've been acquainted noo six years an' mair, and I've ne'er
+gotten a kiss yet. D' ye think I might take one, my bonnie lass?"
+
+"What, noo, at once?" cried Janet rather taken by surprise.
+
+"Yes, noo."
+
+"Just as you like, John; only be becoming and proper wi' it."
+
+"Surely, Janet, and we'll ask a blessing first," said the young doctor.
+
+The blessing was asked, the kiss was taken, and the worthy divine,
+perfectly overcome with the blissful sensation, rapturously exclaimed:
+
+"Eh, lass, but it is guid. We'll return thanks."
+
+This they did, and the biographer adds that, six months later, this
+pious couple were made one flesh and lived a long life of happy
+usefulness.
+
+The following little scene, of which a friend was witness in Scotland,
+will show that if Scotch people in general can see through a joke, there
+are also a few who belong to the type described by Sydney Smith, and for
+whom the _surgical operation_ is a sad necessity.
+
+Several persons had met together in a Scotch drawing-room, and were
+passing the evening in playing at simple games. One of these games
+consisted in each person going out of the room in turn, while the
+company agreed upon a word to be guessed at by the absent member on his
+or her return.
+
+A young lady had just gone out of the room.
+
+During her absence the word _passionately_ was chosen.
+
+The young lady having been recalled, each member of the party in turn
+went through a little performance that should lead her to guess the
+word, addressing her in passionate language, while expressing with the
+features as much love, despair, or anger, as possible.
+
+A Scotchman, who looked ill at ease, whispered in my friend's ear:
+
+"What must I do?"
+
+"Try to look madly in love," said my friend, ready to burst out laughing
+at the sight of the long serious face of his neighbour.
+
+"Couldn't you suggest me something to say?"
+
+"Why, make the young lady a declaration of love. Say: 'It is useless to
+hide my feelings from you any longer; I love you, I adore you,' and
+then throw yourself at her feet and----"
+
+"Excuse me," said the poor fellow quite upset, "but I'm married."
+
+When the young lady came to him, he begged her politely to excuse him,
+and thought himself safe; unhappily he was not at the end of his
+troubles yet.
+
+My friend, whose turn came next, threw himself on his knees, and, with
+haggard eyes and ruffled hair, thus addressed her:
+
+"Dear young lady, this gentleman, whom you see at my side, is nervous
+and shy; he loves you and dares not to tell his love."
+
+"But, excuse me," cried the Scotchman.
+
+"Listen not to him, he is dying of love. If you do not return his flame,
+I know him, he will do something desperate. Have pity on him, dear lady,
+have pity."
+
+"_Passionately!_" cried the young girl.
+
+The worthy Scot, who had not been able to screw up his courage to play
+the part of a passionate lover, was soon after missed from the company.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+    Donald is not easily knocked down. -- He calmly contemplates
+    Death, especially other People's. -- A thoughtful Wife. -- A
+    very natural Request. -- A Consolable Father. -- "Job," 1st
+    Chapter, 21st Verse. -- Merry Funerals. -- They manage Things
+    better in Ireland. -- Gone just in Time. -- Touching Funeral
+    Orations.
+
+
+If folks do not laugh much at a wedding in Scotland, they make up for it
+at a funeral.
+
+Let me hasten to say, that I am sure it would be insulting the reader's
+intelligence to tell him that this applies only to the lower classes.
+
+As a good Christian and a man who has led a busy and useful life, Donald
+calmly contemplates the approach of death--especially other people's.
+
+Death is always near, he says to himself, and a wise man should not be
+alarmed at its approach.
+
+Thus fortified with wisdom, he calmly looks the evil in the face, and
+lets it not disturb his little jog-trot existence. This does not imply
+that he is wanting in affection, it only means that he accepts the
+inevitable without murmuring, and that in him reason has the mastery
+over sentiment.
+
+A _guid_ wife would say to her husband in the most natural way in the
+world:
+
+"Donald, I do not think you have long to live. Have you any special
+request to make me? Whom would you like invited to your funeral? Do you
+wish Jamie to be chief mourner?" and so on.
+
+An Edinburgh lady told me that her housemaid one morning came and asked
+her for leave of absence until six in the evening, saying that her
+sister was to be buried that day.
+
+The permission was granted, of course.
+
+The Scotch know how to keep their word. At six o'clock precisely the
+maid returned, but wanted to know whether she might have the evening
+free as well.
+
+"What do you want the evening for?" asked her mistress.
+
+"Oh! ma'am," replied the lassie, "the rest of the family want to finish
+the day at the theatre, and they asked me to go with them."
+
+Impossible to refuse so natural a request.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+This trait of the Scotch character is often to be met with in the
+superior classes also.
+
+Here is a very striking example of it.
+
+One of my friends, an eminent professor at one of the great English
+public schools, had taken to Braemar with him a young Scotchman of great
+promise whom he wished not to lose sight of during the long summer
+vacation.
+
+The mornings and evenings were devoted to study. The hot afternoons were
+spent with Horace and Euripides, on the bank of the Dee, in the shade
+of the trees that crowd down to the water's brink, as if they were all
+eager to gaze at their own reflection in the river.
+
+During the dry season the stream is fordable in several places, and many
+times had the young Scotchman crossed it.
+
+Wishing to pass a week with his family before school reopened, the pupil
+had told his professor that he wished to leave Braemar before him.
+
+The day before that which he had fixed for his departure, a fearful
+storm had burst over the neighbourhood.
+
+Arrived with his knapsack on his back at the banks of the Dee, he saw
+before him, not a peaceful stream, but an angry torrent, swollen and
+lashed to fury by the storm.
+
+The young Scotchman was not to be intimidated. He had crossed many
+times, and he would do it again. Besides, the only other way of getting
+to the station was by going two or three miles further down and taking
+the boat. He prepared to ford the stream.
+
+Next day the poor young fellow's corpse, bruised and mangled, was found
+a mile down the river.
+
+It would be beyond my powers to describe the despair of the professor,
+when he heard of the terrible catastrophe. Entrusted with the care of
+the young man, he felt as if guilty of his death. What could he say to
+the unhappy parents?
+
+A telegram was despatched to the father, who arrived the day after. My
+friend went to meet him at the station. What was his relief when he
+heard this father say to him: "The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken
+away; blessed be the name of the Lord."
+
+And he added:
+
+"This sublime passage is from _Job_, first chapter and twenty-second
+verse--let me see, is it the twenty-first or the twenty-second verse? It
+is the twenty-first, I am pretty sure."
+
+"I fear I cannot say," replied my friend.
+
+They walked, discussing the Book of _Job_ the while, to the house where
+lay the remains of the unfortunate youth.
+
+Do not suppose that the Scotchman ran to imprint a farewell kiss on the
+brow of his dead son. He seized upon a Bible that lay on the
+drawing-room table, turned to the Book of _Job_, and having found the
+passage he had quoted, said with a triumphant look at the professor:
+
+"It is the twenty-first verse--I knew I was right."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In days gone by, Scotch funerals were made the occasions of visiting and
+great drinking. During the week that preceded the actual burying, open
+house was kept for the relatives and friends of the _corpse_,[C] and
+prodigious quantities of whisky were consumed. These scenes took place
+among the aristocracy and the gentry as well as among the lower classes,
+and they culminated in a general drinking bout on the day of the
+interment.
+
+    [C] It was thus that the defunct was referred to until after
+    the funeral was over.
+
+The route of the funeral procession might be traced by the victims of
+Scotch hospitality to be seen lying helplessly inebriated by the
+wayside, and only a small remnant of it reached the graveyard. More than
+once was the coffin, which was carried by hand, left by the hedge, and
+the burial put off until the morrow. After several stages the defunct
+reached his long home.[D]
+
+    [D] Dean Ramsay relates that in Inverness, forty years ago, the
+    coffin of a certain laird only reached the cemetery at the end
+    of a fortnight.
+
+To-day such scenes would excite as much disgust in Scotland as anywhere
+else. Scotch manners and customs have greatly toned down.
+
+In the lower classes, however, the burial of a relative is still an
+occasion for Bacchanalian festivities, and the day is finished up, as we
+have seen, at the theatre or other place of entertainment, where a
+pleasant evening can be spent.
+
+But what is this in comparison with that which still goes on in Ireland
+in our day? That is where the thing is brought to perfection.
+
+As I fear I might be taxed with imposture, if I attempted to give a
+description of the Irish wake, I will pass the pen to an English
+journalist.
+
+A woman having died suddenly at Waterford, the Coroner had, according to
+law, ordered an inquest. Here is the deposition of the police
+constable; I extract it from my newspaper (May 8th, 1887):
+
+"When I entered the house last night, I found all the family in the room
+where the coffin was. They were all drunk. The deceased had been raised
+to a sitting posture in the coffin, and, by means of cords attached to
+her hands and feet, was being made to execute all kinds of marionette
+performances. It was like a _Punch and Judy_ show, at which the corpse
+played the part of _Punch_. One of the sons was seated near the coffin
+playing a concertina. When they saw me enter, the young men quarrelled
+over the body, and danced around madly to the sound of the instrument. I
+had the greatest difficulty to get possession of the corpse for the
+inquest."
+
+One would think one was reading a description of some scene of life in
+an out-of-the-way island of Oceania, instead of the sister-isle of
+civilised England.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+One more anecdote to show that Donald views the approach of dissolution
+in his neighbour, without alarm.
+
+An old Scotchman, feeling death at hand, had bidden all his family to
+his bedside.
+
+"I have sent for you," he said to them, "in order to give you my last
+commands. I leave my house and all that belongs to it to my son Donald,
+as well as all my cattle."
+
+"Puir old father, he keeps his faculties to the last," said Donald to
+his neighbour.
+
+"As for my personal property, I desire that it may be divided equally
+between...."
+
+Here the old man's voice failed. He made a last effort to speak. His
+children bent down to catch his words.
+
+He was dead.
+
+"Puir father," cried Donald, "he is gone just as he was beginning to
+rave."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Here is a touching funeral oration.
+
+Donald had just had the misfortune to lose on the same day his wife and
+his cow.
+
+"Oh, my poor Janet," he lamented, "why have ye left me? Wha 'll gie me
+back my Janet?"
+
+"Nonsense! you will soon get over it," said a friend, "times cures every
+ill. You'll marry again by-and-by."
+
+"It may be, I dinna say no; but wha 'll gie me back my Janet?"
+
+Janet, as the reader may have divined, was the name of the "coo."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+    Intellectual Life in Scotland. -- The Climate is not so bad
+    as it is represented to be. -- Comparisons. -- Literary and
+    Scientific Societies. -- Why should not France possess such
+    Societies? -- Scotch Newspapers. -- Scotland is the Sinew of
+    the British Empire.
+
+
+How active and intellectual life in Scotland seems, in comparison with
+the petty and monotonous existence led by the dwellers in Provincial
+France!
+
+Is it the climate that so stirs the Scotch up to action? Possibly it may
+be, up to a certain point: in a cold damp climate, a man feels it
+imperative to keep his brain and body stirring; however, it is not fair
+to abuse that poor Scotch climate too much. I saw roses blooming on the
+walls of a house I visited at in Helensburgh last January, and I culled
+primroses in the open air in February, at Buckie on the north coast of
+Scotland.
+
+Scotch intellectual activity is the result of a widespread education
+which is within the reach of the poorest.
+
+Enter the lowliest cottage and you will find books there--the Bible,
+books on agriculture, a novel or two, and almost invariably the poems of
+their dear Burns.
+
+There is no little town of three or four thousand inhabitants but has
+its Literary and Scientific Society.
+
+In some cases, a rich philanthropist has come forward with a sum of
+money to build a suitable home for the Society, but very often no such
+building exists, and the meetings are held in the Town Hall, or some
+other public edifice of the place.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Scotchwomen are excellent housewives. In their leisure time they draw,
+write, and make themselves acquainted with the social, religious, and
+political, questions of the day.
+
+They organise societies for the help of the poor, or get up concerts in
+aid of the unfortunate. On Sundays, they teach the Bible to the children
+of the poor. The old maids hunt out cases of distress and make
+themselves useful to the community: they do the house-to-house
+visitation.
+
+At any rate it is living.
+
+Compare this existence with life as led in Provincial France, where
+people are wrapped up in their own family circle, take to keeping birds,
+and divide their spare time between saying their _pater nosters_ and
+criticising their neighbours.
+
+In Paris there is too much life, and in the provinces too little. All
+the blood goes to the head, and the body droops and is paralysed. It is
+the initiative spirit that is wanting; for, thank Heaven, it is neither
+the brain nor the money that lacks.
+
+I spoke of Buckie at the commencement of this chapter. You have probably
+never heard of Buckie, dear Reader. I assure you that a few months ago I
+was in the same state of ignorance. My lecturing manager had marked this
+little town on my list. I was invited to lecture at Buckie, it appeared.
+
+This little hive of three or four thousand bees looked to me, as I
+alighted from the train, like a most insignificant little place.
+
+The chief doctor of the town, having written to offer me hospitality for
+the night, had come to the station to meet me.
+
+"Do you mean to say you have a Literary Society here?" I said to him.
+
+"I should think so indeed," he replied; "and a very flourishing one it
+is."
+
+"It is a manufacturing town, I suppose?"
+
+"Well, no; we have here a few well-to-do families. The rest of the town
+consists of farmers, shopkeepers, and fisherfolk."
+
+"I hope the lecture-room is a small one," I remarked.
+
+"Make yourself easy about that," he replied; "our room holds from seven
+to eight hundred people, but I guarantee it will be full to-night. They
+will all want to come and hear what the Frenchman has got to say."
+
+I pretended to feel reassured, but I was far from being so.
+
+His prediction was verified after all, and never did I have a more
+intelligent and appreciative audience.
+
+Surely Lyons, Marseilles, Lille, Nantes, Nancy, Bordeaux, ought to be
+able to do what can be done by Buckie!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I doubt whether the Scotch are more intelligent than the English (I mean
+the masses), but they are still more energetic and persevering, much
+more frugal and economical, and certainly more intellectual; that is to
+say, that the pleasures they seek after are of a higher order.
+
+The Scotch are great readers.
+
+In their public libraries, I have seen hundreds of workmen and labourers
+thronged around the tables, and absorbed in reading the newspapers.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Scotch papers, such as the _Scotsman_, the _Glasgow Herald_, the
+_Glasgow News_, the _British Mail_, are in no wise behind the London
+papers in importance or in literary merit. They have their own
+correspondents in all the capitals of the world, and get the news of the
+day at first hand.
+
+Comic papers are remarkable by their absence. The Scot does not throw
+away his time and money on such trifles.
+
+On the other hand, religious papers swarm and make their fortune.
+
+The famous _Edinburgh Review_ has perhaps no longer quite the reputation
+it used to enjoy, but it is still one of the most important _Reviews_ of
+Great Britain.
+
+Yes, in all truth, Scotland is an energetic, robust, and intelligent,
+nation.
+
+It is the sinew of the British Empire.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+    Higher Education in Scotland. -- The Universities. -- How they
+    differ from English Universities. -- Is he a Gentleman? --
+    Scholarships. -- A Visit to the University of Aberdeen. --
+    English Prejudice against Scotch Universities.
+
+
+Scotland boasts four universities: Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen, and St.
+Andrew's.
+
+These four great centres of learning constitute the system of Higher
+Education in Scotland.
+
+These universities differ essentially from the two great English ones,
+first because men go there to work, secondly because they are open to
+the people. A peasant's son, like Thomas Carlyle for instance, can go
+there without fearing that his fellow-students will avoid him because he
+comes of a poor family.
+
+When a new student arrives at Oxford or Cambridge, the others do not
+enquire whether he is a clever fellow or a dunce; what they want to
+know is what his father is, and who was his grandfather. It is only
+after obtaining a satisfactory answer to these questions that they
+associate with the new comer.
+
+In Scotland, as in France, every man who is well educated and has the
+manners of good society is a gentleman. The son of a peasant possessing
+these is received everywhere.
+
+Each Scotch university offers from fifty to eighty scholarships, varying
+in value from £8 to £70. These sums, paid annually to the winners of the
+scholarships, help them to live while they are devoting their time to
+study.
+
+The most admirable thing about high education in Scotland is that it is
+put within the reach of all, and is not, as it is in England, a
+sugarplum held so high as to be often unattainable.
+
+The result is that every intelligent young Scotchman may aim at entering
+a profession. There may be in this a little danger to the commerce and
+agriculture of the country. However, these young men do not encumber
+Scotland; their studies fit them for a lucrative career, which they
+often go and seek in the Colonies. An Australian friend told me recently
+that more than half the doctors in Victoria were Scotchmen.
+
+I have spoken, in a previous chapter, of the privations that Scotch
+undergraduates will often impose upon themselves. Nothing is more
+remarkable than the sustained application and indefatigable will which
+they bring to bear on their studies. Nothing distracts them from their
+aim; they never lose sight of the diploma that will be their
+bread-winner. I have seen them at work, these Scotch students. I visited
+the School of Medicine at Aberdeen University, in the company of Dr.
+John Struthers, the learned Professor of Anatomy. I was struck, in
+passing through the dissecting room, to see about fifty students,
+without any professor, so absorbed in their work that not one of them
+lifted his head as we passed.
+
+In France it would have been very different: every eye would have been
+turned to the stranger, and all through the room there would have been a
+whisper of _Qui ça_? And then remarks and jokes would have run rife.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The English are very prejudiced against the Scotch universities.
+
+How many times have I been told in England that young fellows, who fail
+to obtain their medical diploma in England, could get them easily enough
+in Scotland. Nothing is more absurd; if ever it was so, it was a long
+while ago. In these days, the examinations of the four Scotch faculties
+are quite as severe and quite as difficult as the English ones.
+
+Whenever there is a vacant mastership in an English public school
+advertised in the newspapers, it is always stated that the candidates
+for the post must be graduates of one of the universities of the United
+Kingdom. This does not alter the fact that candidates, who are not
+Oxford or Cambridge men, have no chance of being elected. I have known
+Scotch masters in the public schools. They had studied at Edinburgh,
+Glasgow, or Aberdeen, but had gone to Oxford or Cambridge to reside, in
+order to obtain an English degree.
+
+Why is this?
+
+Simply because these two great English universities give their old
+scholars an importance, not necessarily literary or scientific, but
+social; they stamp them gentlemen.
+
+Whatever the English may say, the universities of old Scotland are the
+nurseries of learned and useful citizens. Of this they would soon be
+convinced if they would visit those great centres of intellectual
+activity. But this is just what they avoid doing. When the English go to
+Scotland, it is to fish or to shoot in the Highlands, and whatever they
+may get in the way of game or fish, they do not pick up much serious
+information on the subject of Scotland.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+    Scotch Literature. -- Robert Burns. -- Walter Scott. -- Thomas
+    Carlyle and Adam Smith. -- Burns Worship. -- Scotch Ballads and
+    Poetry.
+
+
+Scotland possesses a national literature of which the greatest nations
+might justly be proud.
+
+To take only the great names, it may safely be said that more touching
+and sublime poetry than that of Burns was never written, that Walter
+Scott was the greatest novelist of the century, that Thomas Carlyle has
+never been surpassed as a historian and essayist, and that Adam Smith's
+_The Wealth of Nations_ can be considered as the basis of modern
+political economy.
+
+I pass over the Humes, Smolletts, and other illustrious representatives
+of Scotch literature, on whom I certainly do not intend to write an
+essay.
+
+But how can one speak of Scotland without devoting a few words to Robert
+Burns? In their worship of their great poet I see a trait characteristic
+of the Scotch people.
+
+Scotland is above all things full of practical common sense, but it is
+steeped to the brim in poetry. There is poetry at the core of every
+Scot. Visit the castle of the rich, or the cottage of the poor, or step
+into your hotel bedroom, and you will see the portrait of the graceful
+bard.
+
+I happened to be in Edinburgh on the 25th of January, the anniversary of
+Burns' birth. The theatres were empty. Everyone was celebrating the
+anniversary. Dinners, meetings, lectures were consecrated to Burns; and
+that which was passing in Edinburgh was also passing, on a small scale,
+in every little Scotch village.
+
+It was a national communion.
+
+Burns wrote in Scotch, and in celebrating the anniversary of his birth,
+they celebrated a national fête. His poetry reminds them that they
+belong to a nation perfectly distinct from England, a nation having a
+literature of her own. This is why his memory is revered by high and low
+alike. The Scotch could no more part with their Burns than England with
+Shakespeare, or Italy with Dante. The Gaelic tongue is rapidly dying
+out, Scotch customs become more and more English every day, but each
+year only adds to the glory of Robert Burns. His poems have run rapidly
+through many editions--they have reached more than a hundred up to
+now--the sad story of his life is retold every year, and his portrait is
+still in great demand. The popularity Burns still enjoys in Scotland may
+be judged from the fact than in one single shop in Edinburgh there are
+twenty thousand portraits of the poet sold annually.
+
+Whilst the English allow the house which Carlyle inhabited for so many
+years at Chelsea to go to ruins, the Scotch take a pride in showing the
+stranger the little clay cottage where Burns first saw the light on the
+25th of January, 1759.
+
+It is with real regret that I turn from the subject of the "Ayrshire
+Ploughman," his life and his works. Few poets have united as he has,
+delicate pathos and comic force, pure _rêverie_ and the sense of the
+grotesque. But after all, I should but do what has been done over and
+over again by his numerous biographers, the chief of whom are Carlyle,
+Chambers, and Professor Shairp.
+
+Longfellow has said that what Jasmin, the author of the _The Blind Girl
+of Castel Cuillé_, was to the south of France, Burns was to the south of
+Scotland: the representative of the heart of the people.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Nothing can be more suave, piquant, and picturesque than the wild and
+primitive melodies of the songs of Scotland. The Scotch ballad is the
+spontaneous production of the touching and simple genius of the nation.
+
+The words are full of pathos and rustic humour. The music is light,
+often plaintive, always graceful. The whole has a delicious perfume of
+the mountain. I know of no other kind of song to compare with it, unless
+it were perhaps the songs of the Tyrol and a few _Breton_ ballads.
+
+The verses of Burns and other Scotch poets have inspired some of the
+greatest musicians. Mendelssohn was a great admirer of them.
+
+Madame Patti delights to charm her audiences with "Comin' thro' the
+rye," or "Within a mile o' Edinbro' town," and these vocal gems suit the
+supple voice of the inimitable songstress; they even suit her very
+person, as she sings them in her arch manner, and finishes up with a
+saucy little curtsey.
+
+The songs of Scotland, old as they are most of them, have lost nothing
+of their freshness. They are still the delight of the nation.[E]
+
+    [E] The finest edition of the Songs of Scotland is that recently
+    published by Messrs. Muir Wood, of Glasgow.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+    The Dance in Scotland. -- Reels and Highland Schottische. -- Is
+    Dancing a Sin? -- Dances of Antiquity. -- There is no Dancing
+    now.
+
+
+People do not dance now--in drawing-rooms at least--they walk, says M.
+Ratisbonne.
+
+In Scotland, however, people still dance.
+
+The Scotch have preserved the primitive, innocent, pastoral character of
+this exercise.
+
+Nothing is more graceful than the reel and schottische of the Highlands.
+
+
+The reel demands great agility. Two swords are placed crosswise on the
+ground and, to the sound of bagpipes, Donald executes double and triple
+pirouettes in and out, carefully avoiding the weapons.
+
+Ask me how Society dances in Scotland and I will answer: just as it does
+elsewhere, but with a gravity that would do honour to our senators.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Scotch are not all agreed as to whether dancing is sinful or not.
+
+Certain dwellers in the Highlands look on it as the eighth deadly sin;
+the Shakers, on the contrary, consider it as the most edifying of
+religious exercises.
+
+Between the two, the margin is wide.
+
+Socrates, the wisest of men in the eyes of Apollo, admired this exercise
+and learned dancing in his old age. Homer speaks of Merion as a good
+dancer, and adds that the grace and agility he had acquired in dancing
+rendered him superior to all the Greek and Trojan warriors.
+
+Dancing was among the religious acts of the Hebrews, Greeks, and
+Egyptians. The early Fathers of the Church led the dance of the children
+at solemn festivals.
+
+The holy king David danced in front of the Ark, as we know by the
+Scriptures.
+
+Real virtue is amiable, and tolerance and gaiety are its distinguishing
+marks.
+
+For my part, I know no more charming sight than those village dances,
+becoming, alas! more and more rare. Boys and girls gave themselves up to
+mirthful pleasure without thought of harm, and these pastoral fêtes kept
+alive joy and innocence in the hearts of our villagers. We are growing
+too serious, the railways and telegraph have upset us and enervated us,
+we are getting languid and dull.
+
+If I am to believe the Scotch, with whom I have talked on the subject,
+it is not dancing that they object to, it is the fashion in which people
+dance nowadays. They admire the contre-dance and minuet, but consider it
+improper that a man should whirl round a room with a half-dressed lady
+in his arms.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII.
+
+    The Wisdom of Scotland. -- Proverbs. -- Morals in Words and
+    Morals in Deeds. -- Maxims. -- The Scot is a Judge of Human
+    Nature. -- Scotch and Norman Proverbs compared. -- Practical
+    Interpretation of a Passage of the Bible.
+
+
+In a country where everyone moralises, one may expect to find a great
+number of proverbs, those time-honoured oracles of the wisdom of
+nations.
+
+And, indeed, Scotland, the home of moral phrases _par excellence_, owns
+more than three thousand proverbs.
+
+These proverbs show up all the characteristics of the Scotch people,
+their prudence, caution, sagacity, self-confidence, and knowledge of
+human nature.
+
+Several of them are not exclusively Scotch, whatever the Scotch people
+may say. We have, in Normandy, many which may differ slightly in the
+wording, but which express the same ideas, a fact which shows once more
+how many traits of character the Scot has in common with the Norman.
+
+Here are a few:
+
+_Mony smas mak a muckle._ The French say "Little streams make big
+rivers."
+
+_Anes payit never cravit_ (no more debts, no more bothers). The French
+go further when they say: "A man is the richer for paying his debts." I
+am afraid the truth of this adage might fail to strike the Scotchman at
+first sight. The only privilege of a proverb is to be incontestable.
+This French proverb smacks of the sermon, it oversteps the mark.
+
+_A cat may look at a king._ One man is as good as another. This
+illustrates the independence of the Scotch character.
+
+_Be a frien' to yoursel', an sae will ithers._ "Help yourself and Heaven
+will help you."
+
+_We'll bark oursels ere we buy dogs sae dear._ A good maxim of political
+economy: "Don't pay others to do what you can do for yourself."
+
+_A' Stuarts are na sib to the King_: All Stuarts are not related to the
+King. The French say: "The frock does not make the monk."
+
+_Guid folk are scarce, tak care o' me._ The Normans say: "Good folks are
+scarce in the parish, take care of me."
+
+_He that cheats me ance, shame fa' him; he that cheats me twice, shame
+fa' me._ A proverb that well illustrates Scotch caution.
+
+The fear of the devil has inspired many Scotch proverbs, which are in
+constant use still.
+
+_The de'il's nae sae ill as he's caaed._ A delicate little compliment to
+his Satanic Majesty: the Scot is right, one never knows what may happen,
+it is as well to make friends with the mammon of unrighteousness. A
+personage who receives so few compliments is likely to remember with
+pleasure the folks who pay them.
+
+The same neat spirit of flattery is visible in the following proverb:
+
+_It's a sin to lee on the de'il._
+
+_The de'il's bairns hae de'il's luck, and the de'il's aye gude to his
+ain_, are used to hurl at people who excite jealousy by their success.
+
+Scotch sarcasm is well illustrated in such a proverb as:
+
+_Ye wad do little for God gin the de'il war deid._ This is reducing the
+_unco' guid_ to the level of devil dodgers.
+
+_It's ill to wauken sleepin' dogs._ This is rather hard on the dog, who
+certainly cannot be considered the emblem of wickedness and hypocrisy.
+In France we say: "Do not waken the sleeping cat," and I think with more
+show of reason.
+
+The following is full of poetry:
+
+_The evening bring a' hame._ The evening brings the family together
+around the hearth, and in the evening of life man turns his thoughts
+homewards, forgets the faults of his neighbours, and lays aside disputes
+and strivings.
+
+_Let him tak a spring on his ain fiddle_, says a proverb that
+illustrates the coolness with which Donald will bide his time. A lawyer,
+who had to listen to an eloquent tirade of an opponent in court,
+contented himself with remarking: "Aweel, aweel, sir, you're welcome to
+a tune on your ain fiddle; but see if I dinna gar ye dance till't afore
+it's dune."
+
+The same idea occurs in:
+
+_Ne'er let on but laugh i' your ain sleeve._
+
+_A travelled man has leave to lee_: Folks will not go to far countries
+to prove his words. O Tartarin de Tarascon!
+
+_Better learn by your neighbour's skaith than your ain skin._ So might
+Cleopatra have said when she tried the effect of poisons on her slaves
+before making her own choice.
+
+_Drink little that ye may drink lang_, is a piece of advice Donald has
+well laid to heart, only he has modified the first part considerably.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I think I have quoted enough proverbs to prove that the Scot has the
+measure of his neighbour, and knows how to make use of him.
+
+Most of them have a smack of realism which shows that Donald has a
+serious aim in life, that of being a successful man.
+
+Even the use he makes of the precepts of the Bible proves it. He uses
+his Bible, but adapts to his purpose the lessons he finds therein.
+
+The Bible is his servant rather than his master, and has this good about
+it, that with a little cleverness it can be made to prove anything.
+
+If he sometimes come across a precept which is perfectly clear and
+irrefutable, Donald does not scruple to ignore it.
+
+I was talking with a Scotchman one evening about the different religions
+of the world, and I remarked to him that when the Mussulmans call us
+"dogs of Christians," it is not because we are Christians, for they are
+admirers of the Christian religion, but simply because we do not follow
+the precepts of Christianity.
+
+"The Mussulmans are quite right," I said, "Christianity is the grandest
+thing in the world; but Christians are mostly 'Pharisees and hypocrites'
+who believe little in their religion and act up to it still less."
+
+He, on the contrary, maintained that Christians were no less admirable
+than their faith, that they followed the precepts contained in the
+Sermon on the Mount to the letter, and finally that of all Christians
+the Scotch were the cream.
+
+We argued long without either of us convincing the other, and I must
+admit that my host, who was a much cleverer theologian than myself, had
+the last word.
+
+In taking leave of him that night, I was bold enough to return to the
+charge. "Come, my dear sir," I began, "if we receive a blow on our right
+cheek, the Scriptures command us to offer our left also. If a man struck
+you on the right cheek, now what would you do?"
+
+"What would I do?" he said after drawing a great whiff at his pipe.
+"What would I do? By Jove, I'd give him two that he wouldn't soon
+forget, I can tell you!"
+
+I shook hands with my host, and retired in triumph.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+    Massacre Of The English Tongue. -- Donald The Friend Of France.
+    -- Scotch Anecdotes Again. -- Reason Of Their Drollery. --
+    Picturesque Dialect. -- Dry Old Faces. -- A Scotch Chambermaid.
+    -- Oddly-placed Moustachios. -- My Chimney Smokes. -- Sarcastic
+    Spirit. -- A Good Chance Of Entering Paradise Thrown Away. --
+    Robbie Burns And The Greenock Shopkeeper.
+
+
+The Scotch may be recognised at the first word by the very strong,[F]
+sonorous accent with which they speak English. It is like a German
+accent with the _r_'s of the Normans. In the North of Scotland, the
+accent is so Teutonic that one seems to be listening to Germans talking
+English. The letters _b_, _d_, and _v_ are changed into _p_, _t_, and
+_f_. The _ch_ is perfectly German at the end of a word, such as _loch_.
+_Ght_ becomes _cht_, and is pronounced as in the German word _nacht_.
+
+    [F] The Scotch dialect has sometimes been called the Doric of
+    Great Britain.
+
+Certainly there is nothing insurmountably difficult to understand in all
+this; but that rogue of a Donald has a way of eating the ends of many of
+his words, of running the mutilated remains in together with such
+bewildering rapidity, and accompanying the whole with such a tremendous
+rolling of _r_'s, that the stranger is completely staggered until his
+ear grows accustomed to the jargon.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The English language is composed of about forty-three thousand words,
+out of which fourteen thousand are of Germanic origin, and twenty-nine
+thousand have come into it from the Latin through the Norman dialect.
+But in Scotland you will hear the people using numbers of modern French
+words, which are no part of the English vocabulary. These words are
+remnants of the close relations that existed between France and Scotland
+in the sixteenth century. They are mostly heard now in the mouths of the
+older inhabitants.
+
+For nearly a hundred years past the English have been continually
+borrowing words from us (a loan which we return with interest), but they
+are words which will only be found in use among the upper classes. The
+case is different in Scotland. There the French words were adopted by
+the people, and it is the people that still use them, and not the better
+educated classes, for these latter avoid them as vulgar. In a hundred
+years they will probably have fallen into disuse. It may not therefore
+be out of place to give here a list, which I think is pretty complete,
+of the French words that form the last trace of an alliance which has
+left to this day a very pronounced sentiment of affection for France in
+the hearts of the Scotch.
+
+There were doubtless many others in use formerly, but I have collected
+only those which may still be heard in everyday use among the Scotch
+populace:
+
+  SCOTCH.             ENGLISH.             FRENCH.
+
+  Ashet               Dish                 Assiette
+  Aumrie              Cupboard             Armoire
+  Bonnaille           Parting glass        Bon aller
+  Bourd               Jest                 Bourde
+  Braw                Fine                 Brave
+  Caraff              Decanter             Carafe
+  Certy               Certainly            Certes
+  Dambrod             Draught board        Dames
+  Dementit            Derange              Démentir
+  Dorty               Sulky                Dureté
+  Douce               Mild                 Doux
+  Dour                Obstinate            Dur
+  Fash oneself (to)   Get angry (to)       Fâcher (se)
+  Fashious            Troublesome          Fâcheux
+  Gardy loo           Look out             Gardez l'eau (gare l'eau)
+  Gardyveen           Wine bin             Garde-vin
+  Gean                Cherry               Guigne
+  Gigot               Leg of mutton        Gigot
+  Gou                 Taste                Goût
+  Grange              Granary              Grange
+  Grosserts           Gooseberries         Groseilles
+  Gysart              Disguised            Guise
+  Haggis              Hatched meat         Hachis
+  Hogue               Tainted              Haut goût
+  Jalouse (to)        Suspect              Jalouser
+  Jupe                Skirt                Jupe
+  Kimmer              Gossip               Commère
+  Mouter              Mixture of corn      Mouture
+  Pantufles           Slippers             Pantoufles
+  Pertricks           Partridges           Perdrix
+  Petticoat tails     Cakes                Petits gatelles (gâteaux)
+  Pouch               Pocket               Poche
+  Prosh, madame       Come, madam          Aprochez, madame
+  Reeforts            Radishes             Raiforts
+  Ruckle              Heap (of stones)     Recueil
+  Serviter            Napkin               Serviette
+  Sucker              Sugar                Sucre
+  Tassie              Cup                  Tasse
+  Ule                 Oi                   Huile
+  Verity              Truth                Vérité
+  Vizzy               Aim                  Viser
+
+These are not, as may be seen, words borrowed from our milliners and
+dressmakers; they are terms that express the necessaries of life, and
+which the Scotch housewives have not yet forgotten. They prove in an
+irrefutable manner that the two nations mixed and knew each other
+intimately.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The language spoken by the Scotch lends itself to humour. Their
+picturesque pronunciation gives their conversation a piquancy which
+defies imitation. A Scotch anecdote told in Scotch language never misses
+its effect. Tell it in English, or any other language, and it loses all
+its raciness.
+
+As I have already remarked, the Scot does not seek to appear witty,
+still less amusing, and there lies the charm. His remarks are not
+intended to be quaint, but are intensely so. Their drollery lies in the
+dialect and the combination of ideas. The Scotch are quick to seize the
+humorous side of things, and that without being aware of it. Their
+remarks are made with an imperturbable gravity, without a gesture, or
+the movement of a muscle.
+
+I fancy I see still the old Scotch servant with whom I was speaking on
+the subject of a fire which would not burn in my room at a hotel. All at
+once she interrupted the conversation; she had just perceived, on the
+top of my head, a somewhat solitary lock of hair.
+
+"Are ye growin' a moustache on the top o' your heid?" she exclaimed
+without a smile.
+
+My first impulse was to bid her mind her business, and make my fire
+draw. But though I disliked the familiarity, I saw immediately that the
+good creature, a bony Scotchwoman of at least fifty summers, had not had
+the least intention of joking me, still less of vexing me. Her stolid
+expression, her quaint accent, to say nothing of the incongruous idea
+that had come to her lips, it all diverted me intensely, and I laughed
+well over it to the great astonishment of the worthy woman, who went
+away grumbling at the fire which had proved very obdurate.
+
+The chimney continued to smoke horribly, and presently I rang the bell
+again.
+
+The woman reappeared.
+
+"This chimney smokes atrociously still," I said.
+
+You should have seen her dry old face as she simply remarked:
+
+"Eh, mony a ane has complained o' that chimney."
+
+The familiarity of the Scotch servant is an old theme. The good humour
+of the master in Scotland encourages familiarity in the servant, and the
+fidelity of the latter causes it to be overlooked.
+
+I remember the dinner-gong had been sounded in a house where I was one
+day visiting, and not being quite ready, I was still in my room. Someone
+knocked at my door. It was an old servant. "Noo," said she, "it's time
+to come doun to your dinner."
+
+Scotch wit is cutting, there is often a sarcastic thrust in it,
+sometimes even a little spice of malice.
+
+You hear none of those good broad bulls, brimming over with innocence,
+that are so amusing in the Irish; the Scotch witticisms are sharp
+strokes that penetrate and strike home.
+
+Lunardi, the aeronaut, having made an ascent in his balloon at
+Edinburgh, came down on the property of a Presbyterian minister in the
+neighbourhood of Cupar.
+
+"We have been up a prodigious way," said the aeronaut to the minister;
+"I really believe we must have been close to the gates of Paradise."
+
+"What a pity you did not go in!" replied the Scotchman, "you may never
+be so near again."
+
+I might give numerous examples of this sarcastic wit that so often
+underlies Scotch anecdotes. I will only cite one more. This time we have
+Robert Burns for hero, and I extract the story from his biography:
+
+The celebrated poet was one day walking on Greenock pier, when a rich
+tradesman, who happened to be there also, slipped and fell in the water.
+Being unable to swim, he would have been drowned but for the bravery of
+a sailor who threw himself, all dressed as he was, into the water, and
+brought him to land.
+
+When the tradesman had regained consciousness and recovered from his
+fright, he bethought himself that he ought to reward his rescuer.
+Putting his hand in his pocket, he drew out a shilling, which he
+generously presented to the brave sailor.
+
+The crowd that had gathered round in admiration of the sailor's heroic
+act could not restrain its indignation. Protestations were followed by
+hoots, and the object of their scorn came very near being returned to
+the water--to learn his way about.
+
+Robbie Burns, however, succeeded in appeasing their wrath.
+
+"Calm yourselves," said he; "this gentleman is certainly a better judge
+of his own value than you can be."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIV.
+
+    The Staff of Life in Scotland. -- Money is round and flat. --
+    Cheap Restaurants. -- Democratic Bill of Fare. -- Caution to the
+    Public. -- "Parritch!" -- The Secret of Scotland's Success. --
+    The National Drink of Scotland. -- Scotch and Irish Whiskies. --
+    Whisky a very slow Poison. -- Dean Ramsay's best Anecdote.
+
+
+In Scotland, the staff of life is porridge, pronounced _parritch_ by the
+natives.
+
+Porridge is served at breakfast in every Scotch home, from the castle to
+the cottage. It is the first dish at breakfast, or the only one,
+according to the income.
+
+Porridge is a food which satisfies and strengthens, and which, it seems,
+is rich in bone-forming matter.
+
+Many a brave young Scotch undergraduate, with rubicund face and meagre
+purse, breakfasts off a plate of porridge which he prepares for himself,
+while _ces messieurs_ of Oxford breakfast like princes.
+
+I saw a labourer near Dumfries, who, on his wages of twelve shillings a
+week, was bringing up a family of eight children, all of them robust and
+radiant with health, thanks to porridge. The eldest, a fine fellow of
+eighteen, had carried off a scholarship at Aberdeen University. In
+England, no professional career would have been open to him.
+
+Few of the lower class English people will condescend to eat porridge;
+they will have animal food twice a day, if they can get it, and beer or
+other stimulants. Twenty years of prosperity and high wages have
+spoiled, ruined the working class in England. Now wages have fallen, or
+rather work has become scarce, and these people, who never thought of
+saving anything in the days of their splendour, are plenty of them
+lacking bread. They are not cured for all that. If you offered them
+porridge, they would feel insulted. "It is workhouse food," they will
+tell you.
+
+When the Scotch maidservant receives her wages, she goes and puts part
+in the Savings Bank, like the French _bonne_ of the provinces. When the
+English servant takes up hers, she straightway goes and buys a new hat
+to get photographed in it. Money burns her pockets.
+
+Money is round, say the English, it was meant to roll; money is flat,
+say the Scotch and the Normans, it was meant to be piled up.
+
+When he is in work, the workman of London, Manchester, Liverpool,
+Birmingham, will spend three or four shillings a day on his keep; when
+he is out of work, he stands about the tavern-door and whines for help.
+
+I visited one day, in Aberdeen, a restaurant where a copious repast was
+being served for the modest sum of two pence a head. The room was full
+of healthy-looking workmen, tidily dressed and busily doing honour to
+the porridge and other items on the _menu_.
+
+The bill of fare for the week was posted up at the door. Here is a copy
+of it:
+
+  "_Monday_--Porridge, sausage and potato.
+  "_Tuesday_--Scotch broth, beef pie.
+  "_Wednesday_--Peasoup and ham.
+  "_Thursday_--Porridge, sausage and potato.
+  "_Friday_--Fish and potato.
+  "_Saturday_--Porridge, sausage and potato."
+
+A trifle monotonous, perhaps, this bill of fare, I own; but, at all
+events, you will admit that for twopence the Aberdeen workman can have a
+good square meal.
+
+What would the Parisians have given for this fare during the siege!
+
+On the walls, I observed the following notice:
+
+"The public are respectfully requested to pay in advance, so as to avoid
+mistakes."
+
+"To avoid mistakes!" Thoroughly Scotch this little caution!
+
+I had always seen porridge eaten before the other food. So seeing a
+worthy fellow ask that his porridge might be brought to him after his
+sausage and potato, I made bold to ask him the explanation of it.
+
+"Do you take your porridge after your meat?" I enquired.
+
+"Ay, mon," he replied, "it's to chock up the chinks."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Ask a Scotch rustic what he takes for breakfast, and he will answer
+proudly:
+
+"Parritch, mon!"
+
+And for dinner?
+
+"Parrritch!!"
+
+And for supper?
+
+"_Parrrritch!!!_"
+
+If he took a fourth meal, he would roll in another _r_; it is his way of
+expressing his sentiments.
+
+I like people who roll their _r_'s: there is backbone in them.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Robert Burns, who has sung of the haggis and the whisky of his native
+land, has only made indirect mention of porridge. He ought to have
+consecrated to it an ode in several cantos.
+
+Porridge! it is the secret of the Scot's success. Try to compete with a
+man who can content himself with porridge, when you must have your three
+or four meals a day and animal food at two of them.
+
+It is porridge that gives a healthy body, cool head, and warm feet;
+
+Porridge promotes the circulation of the blood;
+
+It is porridge that calms the head after the libations of overnight.
+
+It is porridge that keeps the poor man from ending his days in the
+Union.
+
+It is porridge that helps the son of the humble peasant to aspire to
+the highest career, in allowing him to live on a scholarship at the
+University;
+
+It is porridge that makes such men of iron as Livingstone and Gordon;
+
+And, above all, it is porridge that puts the different classes in
+Scotland on a footing of equality once a day at least, and thus makes
+of them the most liberal-minded people of Great Britain.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The national drink of Scotland is Scotch whisky.
+
+The Scotch will tell you that Irish whisky is no good; the Irish will
+tell you that Scotch whisky is simply detestable. I have tasted both,
+and, having no national prejudice on the point, have no hesitation in
+saying that there is nothing to choose between them: both are horrible.
+
+Whisky may easily be obtained by dissolving a little soot in brandy. As
+the coal-smoky taste is much more pronounced in the Scotch whisky than
+in the Irish, I conclude that, in the latter, the dose is smaller.
+
+They say that of all alcoholic liquors whisky is the least injurious. By
+"they" must be understood all the good folks who cannot do without this
+beverage. There must, however, be truth in it, or Scotland and Ireland
+must have been depopulated long since. And, as we know the Scotch
+generally live to a good old age, and centenarians are not rare in the
+Land o' Cakes, if whisky be a poison, it must be a slow one--a very slow
+one.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The prettiest anecdote, in Dean Ramsay's _Reminiscences_, relates to
+whisky, and I cannot refrain from quoting it.
+
+An old Scotch lady had just sent for her gardener to cut the grass on
+her lawn.
+
+"Cut it short," she said to him; "mind, Donald, an inch at the bottom is
+worth two at the top."
+
+Always the same way of speaking in moral sentences so common in
+Scotland.
+
+The work done, the good lady offered Donald a glass of whisky, and
+proceeded to pour it out, but showed sign of stopping before the top
+was reached.
+
+"Fill it up, ma'am, fill it up," said the shrewd-witted fellow, "an inch
+at the top is worth twa at the bottom."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXV.
+
+    Hors-d'oeuvre. -- A Word to the Reader and another to the
+    Critic. -- A Man who has a right to be proud. -- Why?
+
+
+Here I pause, dear Reader.
+
+An idea has just come to my head, and for fear it might be lonely there,
+I will impart it to you without delay.
+
+Now, to come at once to the sense of the matter, will you allow me for
+once--for once only--to pay myself a compliment that I think I well
+deserve? It is the word "Ireland," which I have just written in the
+preceding chapter, that makes me think of addressing sincere
+congratulations to myself. Forgive me for this little digression, it
+will relieve me.
+
+I have written two books on England, a third on the relations between
+England and France, and I shall soon have finished a volume of
+recollections of Scotland.
+
+How many times I have had to write the words "England" and "Ireland," I
+could not say; but I affirm that I have not once--no, not once--spoken
+of "Perfidious Albion" or the "Emerald Isle."
+
+"Indeed!" and "What of that?" you will perhaps exclaim.
+
+Well, whatever you may say, I assure you that if ever a man had a right
+to feel proud of himself, I have.
+
+More than once have I been tempted, once or twice I have had to make an
+erasure, but I am the first who has triumphed over the difficulty.
+
+Come, dear Critic, if thou wilt be amiable, here is an occasion. Admit
+that a Frenchman, who can write fourteen or fifteen hundred pages on the
+subject of England, without once calling her "Perfidious Albion," is a
+man who is entitled to thy respect and thy indulgence for the thousand
+and one shortcomings of which he knows himself to be guilty.
+
+There, I feel better now. Let us now go and see Donald's big _touns_.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVI.
+
+    Glasgow. -- Origin of the Name. -- Rapid Growth of the City. --
+    St. Mungo's Injunction to Donald. -- James Watt and the Clyde.
+    -- George Square. -- Exhibition of Sculpture in the open Air. --
+    Royal Exchange. -- Wellington again. -- Wanted an Umbrella. --
+    The Cathedral. -- How it was saved by a Gardener. -- The
+    Streets. -- Kelvingrove Park. -- The University. -- The Streets
+    at Night. -- The Tartan Shawls a Godsend. -- The Populace. --
+    Pity for the poor little Children. -- Sunday Lectures in
+    Glasgow. -- To the Station, and let us be off.
+
+
+If, as Shelley has said, "Hell is a city much like London," Glasgow must
+be very much like the dungeon where Satan shuts up those who do not
+behave themselves.
+
+The word "Glasgow" is of Celtic origin, and, it appears, means _Sombre
+Valley_.
+
+The town has not given the lie to its name.
+
+I have travelled from the south of England to the north of Scotland;
+I have seen every corner of the great towns, and I do not hesitate to
+give the palm to Glasgow: it is the dirtiest, blackest, most
+repulsive-looking nest that it was ever given to man to inhabit.
+
+I am bound to say that the Scotch themselves, so justly proud of their
+old Scotland, dare not take it upon themselves to defend Glasgow: they
+give it over to the visitor, not, however, without having added, as a
+kind of extenuating circumstance:
+
+"There is money in it."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+At the time of the Reformation, Glasgow was but an insignificant little
+town with five thousand inhabitants. At the commencement of this century
+it contained about eight thousand. To-day it is the most important city
+of Scotland, a city which holds, including the suburbs, very nearly a
+million souls, tortured by the passion for wealth or by misery and
+hunger.
+
+If the importance of the place is recent, the place itself dates back
+more than thirteen centuries. It was indeed in 560 that Saint Mungo
+founded a bishopric there, and no doubt, to try the faith of Donald,
+whom he had just converted to Christianity, he said to him, as he put an
+umbrella into his hands with strict injunctions never to part with it:
+
+"For thy sins, Donald, here shalt thou dwell."
+
+Glasgow is the home of iron and coal. Coal underground, coal in the air,
+coal on people's faces, coal everywhere!
+
+There rise thousands of high chimneys, vomiting flames and great clouds
+of smoke, which settle down on the town and, mixing with the humidity of
+the streets, form a black, sticky mud that clogs your footsteps. No one
+thinks of wearing elastic-side boots. They would go home with naked
+feet if they did. Glasgow people wear carmen's boots, strongly fastened
+on with leather laces.
+
+I assure you that if you were to fall in the street, you would leave
+your overcoat behind when you got up.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The neighbourhood of the sea and the Clyde has been, and still is, a
+source of prosperity and opulence to the town; and here it behoves me to
+speak of the Scotch energy, which has made of this stream a river
+capable of giving anchorage to vessels drawing twenty-four feet of
+water.
+
+In 1769, the illustrious James Watt was directed to examine the river.
+At that time small craft could scarcely enter the river even at high
+water. Watt indeed found that, at low tide, the rivulet--for it was
+nothing else--had but a depth of one foot two inches, and at high tide
+never more than three feet three inches.
+
+To-day you may see the largest ironclads afloat there. This gigantic
+enterprise cost no less than £10,300,000.
+
+It was on the Clyde that Henry Bell, in 1812, launched the first
+steamboat. Since then the banks of the Clyde have been lined with vast
+shipbuilding yards, which turn out from four to five hundred vessels a
+year.
+
+Glasgow always had a taste for smoke. Before the war of American
+Independence, this town had the monopoly of the tobacco commerce.
+Colossal fortunes were realised over the importation of the Virginian
+weed in the end of the last century. At present Glasgow trades in coal,
+machinery, iron goods, printed calico, etc.
+
+The Glasgow man has been influenced by his surroundings. The climate is
+dull and damp, the man is obstinate and laborious; the ground contains
+coal and iron for the Clyde to carry to sea, and so the man is a trader.
+
+And, indeed, what is there to be done in Glasgow but work? Out-of-door
+life is interdicted, so to speak; gaiety is out of the question;
+everything predisposes to industry and thought. People divide their time
+between work and prayer, the kirk and the counting-house; such is life
+in Glasgow.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+And now let us take a stroll, or rather let us walk, for a stroll
+implies pleasure, and I certainly cannot promise you that.
+
+The most striking feature of Glasgow is George Square. It is large, and
+literally crowded with statues, a regular carnival. It looks as if the
+Glasgow folks had said: "We must have some statues, but do not, for all
+that, let us encumber the streets with them; let us keep them out of the
+way in a place to themselves. If a visitor likes to go and look at them,
+much good may it do him." At a certain distance the effect is that of a
+cemetery, or picture to yourself Madame Tussaud's exhibition _à la belle
+étoile_.
+
+When I say _à la belle étoile_, it is but a figure of speech in Glasgow.
+
+In this exhibition of sculpture, I discover Walter Scott, Robert Burns,
+David Livingstone, James Watt, Prince Albert, Queen Victoria, Thomas
+Campbell, and Sir Robert Peel. Some are on foot, some on horseback.
+There are none driving, but there is Scott who, in the centre of this
+Kensal Green, is perched on the summit of a column eighty feet high. It
+is enough to make the tallest chimney of the neighbourhood topple over
+with envy. By dint of a little squeezing, it would be easy to make room
+for a dozen more statues.
+
+In Queen's Street, quite close to George Square, we find the Royal
+Exchange--an elegant building in the Corinthian style--in front of which
+stands an equestrian statue of gigantic dimensions.
+
+It is Wellington--the inevitable, the eternal, the everlasting
+Wellington.
+
+Oh, what a bore that Wellington is!
+
+This statue was erected at the expense of the town for a sum of £10,000.
+
+Wellington will never know what he has cost his compatriots.
+
+Let us go up George Street, turn to the left by High Street, towards the
+north-east, and we shall come to the Cathedral, the only one which the
+fanatic vandalism of the Puritans spared. I was told in Scotland that
+this is how it escaped. The Puritans had come to Glasgow in 1567 to
+destroy the Cathedral of Saint Mungo. But a gardener, a practical Scot
+of the neighbourhood, reasoned with them in the following manner:
+
+"My friends, you are come with the meritorious intention of destroying
+this temple of popery. But why destroy the edifice? It will cost a mint
+of money to build such another. Could not you use this one and worship
+God in it after our own manner?"
+
+The Puritans, who were Scots too, saw the force of the argument and the
+cathedral was saved.
+
+The edifice is gothic, and very handsome. I recommend especially the
+crypt, under the choir. The windows are most remarkable.
+
+Around the cathedral is a graveyard containing fine monuments. I read on
+a tablet, put up in commemoration of the execution of nine covenanters
+(1666-1684) the following inscription, which shows once more how they
+forgive in Scotland. Here is the hint to the persecutors:
+
+  "_They'll know at resurrection day
+  To murder saints was no sweet play._"
+
+Let us return down High Street as far as Argyle Street, the great artery
+of Glasgow.
+
+After a few minutes' walking, we come to Buchanan Street, the
+fashionable street of Glasgow--I mean the one which contains the
+fashionable shops, the Regent Street of this great manufacturing city.
+The houses are well-built, I do not say tastefully, but solidly. This
+might be said indeed of the whole town: it is dirty, but substantial.
+Let us push on to Sanchyhall Street, and there turn to the west. We
+presently come to the park of Kelvingrove, undulating, well laid out,
+and surrounded with pretty houses: it is the only part of Glasgow which
+does not give you cold shivers. Among the well-kept paths, flowerbeds,
+and ponds, you forget the coal-smoke for awhile. At the end of the park
+runs the Kelvin, a little stream which you cross to get to Gilmore Hill,
+on the summit of which stand the buildings of the university. The
+interior of these buildings is magnificent.
+
+The Bute Hall is one of the finest halls I ever saw: 108 feet long, 75
+broad, and 70 high. A splendid library and all the comfortable
+accessories, which they are careful to supply studious youth with in
+this country. The university cost more than half-a-million. With the
+exception of a few other parks--which, however, cannot be compared to
+those of London--there is nothing more to be seen in Glasgow, and if
+your business is transacted, go to your hotel, strap your luggage, and
+be off.
+
+But if you prefer it, we will arm ourselves with umbrellas and return to
+the streets, and see what kind of people are to be met there.
+
+That which strikes one at a first visit, is that from five in the
+afternoon almost every respectable-looking person has disappeared, and
+the town seems given over to the populace. Like the City proper in
+London, Glasgow is only occupied by the superior classes during business
+hours. From four to five o'clock there is a general stampede towards the
+railway stations. The _employé_, who earns two or three hundred a year,
+has his villa or cottage in the suburbs. The rich merchant, the
+engineer, the ironmaster, all these live far from the city.
+
+The streets of Glasgow, from six or seven in the evening, are entirely
+given up to the manufacturing population--the dirtiest and roughest to
+be seen anywhere, I should think.
+
+I have seen poverty and vice in Paris, in London, in Dublin, and
+Brussels, but they are nothing to compare to the spectacle that Glasgow
+presents. It is the living illustration of some unwritten page of Dante.
+
+"But there is money in Glasgow."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The lower-class women of London do wear a semblance of a toilette: fur
+mantles in rags, battered, greasy hats with faded flowers, flounced
+skirts in tatters--an apology for a costume, in short.
+
+But here, there is nothing of all that. No finery, not even a hat. The
+tartan seems to take the place of all.
+
+The attributions of this tartan are multiple. It is as useful to the
+women of the lower classes in the great Scotch towns as the reindeer is
+to the Laplander.
+
+This tartan serves them as a hood when it is cold; as an umbrella when
+it rains; as a blanket in winter nights; as a mattress in summer ones;
+as a basket when they go to market; a towel when they do their own and
+their children's dry-polishing; a cradle for their babies, which they
+carry either slung over their back, Hottentot fashion, or hanging in
+front, like the kangaroos. When poverty presses hard, the tartan goes to
+the pawnbroker's shop, whence it issues in the form of a sixpence or a
+shilling, according to its value. After living in them they live on
+them, and so these useful servants pass from external to internal use,
+and appease the hunger or thirst of their owners for a day or two. A
+very godsend this tartan, as you see.
+
+A Glasgow police inspector told me that, having one day to make a search
+at a pawnbroker's in the town, he had found more than fifteen hundred of
+these shawls on the premises. "Many of those poor borrowers are Irish,"
+he said. Did he say this to pass on to a neighbour that which seemed to
+him a disgrace to his own country? In any case, it is a fact that there
+are a great number of Irish in Glasgow.
+
+No doubt poverty, with its accompaniments of shame and vice, exists in
+all great cities; but here it has a distressing aspect that it presents
+in no other country. The Arab beggar makes one smile as he majestically
+drapes around him his picturesque, multicoloured rags; the lazzarone,
+lying on the quay of Naples under the radiant Italian sky, is a prince
+compared to the wretch who drags out his existence in the dirty streets
+or garrets of Glasgow.
+
+"But there is money in Glasgow."
+
+In Paris, the newspapers are sold in shops or pretty kiosks kept by
+clean, tidy, respectable women. In London and other large English towns,
+the papers are cried in the streets by low-class men and boys. In
+Glasgow and Edinburgh the work is done by ragged children, who literally
+besiege you as you walk the streets: poor little girls half-naked,
+shivering, and starving, with their feet in the mud, try to earn a few
+pence to appease their own hunger, or, perhaps, furnish an unnatural
+parent with the means of getting tipsy. Others have a little stock of
+matches that they look at with an envious eye, one fancies, as one
+thinks of Andersen's touching tale.
+
+Oh, pity for the poor little children!
+
+In a country so Christian, so philanthropic, can it be that childhood is
+abandoned thus? Asylums for the aged are to be seen in plenty, and is
+not youth still more interesting than age, and must it needs commit some
+crime before it has the right to enter some house of refuge?
+
+I cannot tell you how sad the sight of those poor little beings,
+forsaken of God and man, made me feel.
+
+But how shall I describe my feelings when, having drawn the attention of
+a Scotchman who was with me to one of these pitiful little creatures, I
+heard him say:
+
+"Do not stop, the immorality of those children is awful."
+
+No, it is not possible; it must be a bad dream, a hideous nightmare.
+
+"It is a fact," said my companion, who knows Glasgow as he knows
+himself.
+
+"But there is money in it."
+
+It seems incomprehensible that these children should not be reclaimed,
+still more incomprehensible that no one seeks to do it. The money spent
+in statues of Wellington would more than suffice, and the Iron Duke
+would be none the worse off in Paradise.
+
+Yes, this is what may be seen in Glasgow, in that city so pious, that to
+calm the feelings of some of the inhabitants, the literary and
+scientific lectures which used to be given to the people on Sunday
+evenings in Saint Andrew's Hall have had to be discontinued.
+
+Heaven be thanked, Glasgow is not Scotland, and we can go and rejoice
+our eyes in Edinburgh, Aberdeen, Braemar, and elsewhere, and admire the
+lakes and the blue mountains.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVII.
+
+    Edinburgh -- Glasgow's Opinion thereof, and vice versâ. -- High
+    Street. -- The old Town. -- John Knox's House. -- The old
+    Parliament House. -- Holyrood Palace. -- Mary Stuart. --
+    Arthur's Seat. -- The University. -- The Castle. -- Princes
+    Street. -- Two Greek Buildings. -- The Statues. -- Walter Scott.
+    -- The inevitable Wellington again. -- Calton Hill. -- The
+    Athens of the North and the modern Parthenon. -- Why did not the
+    Scotch buy the ancient Parthenon of the modern Greeks? -- Lord
+    Elgin. -- The Acropolis of Edinburgh. -- Nelson for a Change.
+
+
+A railway journey of an hour and ten minutes transports you from
+darkness into light. You leave Glasgow in gloom, wrapped in its eternal
+winding-sheet of fog and mud, and you arrive at Edinburgh to find clean
+streets, pure air, and a clear beautiful sky. Such at least was my own
+experience, six times repeated. The prospect delights the eyes and
+heart; your lungs begin to do their work easily; you breathe freely once
+more, and once more feel glad to be alive.
+
+You alight at Waverley Station in the centre of the city. You cannot do
+better than go straightway and take up your quarters at the Royal Hotel,
+Princes Street, opposite the gigantic Gothic monument erected to Walter
+Scott. Ask for a room looking on the street. Take possession of it
+without delay, and open your window: the sight that will meet your gaze
+is truly enchanting. At your feet, the most elegant street imaginable.
+No houses opposite: only large gardens, beautifully kept, sloping
+gracefully away to the bottom of a valley, whence the ground rises
+almost perpendicularly, bearing on its summit houses of a prodigious
+height. It is the old town of Edinburgh, where everything will bring
+back memories of Mary Stuart and the novels of Scott. On the right the
+famous castle perched on a sheer rock nearly four hundred feet high; the
+whole bathed in a blue-grey haze that forms a light veil to soften its
+colouring and contour. It is impossible to imagine a more romantic sight
+in the midst of a large modern city.
+
+Whether your tastes be archæological or artistic, you will be able to
+satisfy them in one of the two towns of Edinburgh, the old city to the
+south, or the modern town to the north.
+
+The Glasgow folks say there is not much money made in Edinburgh, and
+speak of the place with a certain contempt, which the Edinburgh people
+return with interest.
+
+It is always amusing to hear the dwellers in neighbouring towns run each
+other down: Manchester and Liverpool, Brighton and Hastings. The nearer
+the rival towns are to each other, the livelier and more diverting is
+the jealousy. Go and ask a Saint-Malo man what he thinks of
+Saint-Servan, and _vice versâ_!
+
+"Ah! you are going to Edinburgh," the Glasgow people say to you; "it is
+full of snobs, who give themselves airs and are as poor as Job. Ours is
+a substantial place, sir. We've no time to waste on nonsense here; we go
+in for commerce and manufactures."
+
+"Ah! you have just come from Glasgow," say the Edinburgh people. "What
+do you think of the illiterate parvenus that are for ever rattling their
+money bags? You will find no worship of the golden calf here; we
+cultivate the beautiful, and go in for science and literature, not
+manufactures; our town is essentially one of learning."
+
+This is true. Edinburgh is one of the most important intellectual
+centres of the world, and its celebrated university, and learned
+societies, have justly earned for it the appellation of "the Athens of
+the North," a name which this unique city deserves also on account of
+its natural features, the style in which it is built, and the numerous
+monuments it possesses.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Edinburgh has a population of 350,000 inhabitants, including the sentry
+at Holyrood Palace.
+
+According to d'Anville, the city stands on the site of the Roman station
+of Alata Castra. Towards the year 626 the fortress became the residence
+of Edwin, King of Northumbria, who gave it his name.
+
+The old city was entirely destroyed by fire in 1537. That which now
+bears the name of _old town_ dates from the end of the sixteenth century
+and the beginning of the seventeenth.
+
+The modern part of Edinburgh was begun at the close of last century, and
+the handsomest streets are of a quite recent date.
+
+_A tout seigneur tout honneur._ Let us commence our inspection by a
+visit to Holyrood Palace.
+
+I should like to transform this little volume into a guide-book, and
+give you the history of all the houses we are passing, as we go through
+the old town, for almost every one has its history. There on your left
+is the house of John Knox, with its flight of steps, its overhanging
+stories, and, over the door, the inscription, "Love God above all, and
+your neighbour as yourself." Here is the house where Cromwell decided on
+the execution of Charles I.; there Hume and Smollett wrote history.
+
+At the end of Canongate, the prolongation of High Street, we come out on
+a large open square. The palace of Holyrood is before us.
+
+Standing in a hollow, and surrounded by high hills, the aspect of the
+palace is most sombre. From the moment you cross the threshold, a
+thousand sad thoughts assail you. You are in the home of Mary Stuart.
+Everything speaks to you of her. Her sweet, tragic face, her noble
+presence, her thoughtful brow--you see all again in these halls instinct
+with her souvenir. They haunt the place as they still haunt the memory
+of the Scotch. In spite of her bigotry, in spite of all the crimes
+historians have imputed to her, the Scotch cherish her memory, think
+only of her misfortunes and sufferings, and will not hear you speak of
+her with anything but respect. One may easily imagine the ascendency
+which this woman must have had over those who came in contact with her.
+
+But let us go in, and first we must get our sixpences ready; for in this
+country, where _l'hospitalité se donne_, you must pay everywhere, and on
+entering too, for fear you may not be pleased when you come out: _to
+avoid misunderstandings_, as the Scotch put it.
+
+On the first floor we enter the picture gallery. It is here that the
+Scotch peers are elected. The room contains portraits of the Scottish
+kings, from Fergus I. to James VII. At the end of it we find a door
+which leads to the apartments occupied by the unfortunate princess.
+Small windows throw a feeble light on the sombre tapestries; though the
+day is fine, it is difficult to distinguish the various objects of
+furniture. There is an air of mystery about the place. Poor Mary! After
+the gay French court, what a tomb must this palace have seemed! Between
+two windows is a little mirror that must often have reflected back the
+image of that beautiful countenance, stamped with sadness, the fair head
+that was one day to roll at the feet of the executioner. Close by, a
+portrait which must be a libel on so gracious an original. At the two
+extremities of the bedroom two little closets--I had almost said,
+cells--formed in the towers which overhang from the outside. The one on
+the left is the dressing-room; that on the right the supper-room. Near
+the latter a door leads to the secret staircase. You can reconstruct for
+yourself the scene of the murder of the favourite Italian secretary, who
+paid with his blood for the honour of having now and then cheered the
+heart of the queen with his songs. On the floor of the audience-room you
+are shown the stains of the unhappy Rizzio's blood. It was here, too,
+that Chastelard, grandson of Bayard, declared his love to his royal
+mistress, whom he had accompanied to Scotland on her departure from the
+French court. Poor Chastelard! he, too, payed with his life for the love
+which the enchantress had inspired in him, not for this first
+declaration, which was forgiven him, but for a graver offence, committed
+at Rossend Castle, of which I shall have occasion to speak presently.
+
+A visit to Holyrood always leaves a painful impression. It is the temple
+of misfortune, and I can understand Queen Victoria's preference for the
+bright breezy Highlands.
+
+On our return through Canongate and High Street, we shall come to the
+Castle. Without going much out of our way, we can go and see the
+Parliament House and the University; but first, let us go to the summit
+of Arthur's Seat, a hill eight hundred and twenty-two feet high,
+situated behind the Palace of Holyrood. The ascent is not difficult,
+and the magnificence of the panorama that meets the eyes is beyond
+description.
+
+The House where the Scotch Parliament met before the union of the Scotch
+and English Crowns, is now transformed into Courts of Law. This building
+is interesting not only on account of the souvenirs it evokes, but also
+on account of the hopes it keeps alive in the hearts of the Scotch.
+Before many years have elapsed, the representatives of Scotland will
+probably sit there to manage the local affairs of the nation.
+
+Edinburgh University, which dates from the year 1582, is the finest
+edifice of the kind in Europe: two hundred and fifty-five feet long, by
+three hundred and fifty-eight broad. A library of one hundred and fifty
+thousand volumes (sixpence entrance). Rare manuscripts. Magnificent
+lecture rooms. Over three thousand students work under most eminent
+professors.
+
+Facing the University is the Museum of Arts and Science. For a list of
+the innumerable treasures it contains, I must refer the reader to guides
+to Scotland.
+
+The Royal Infirmary, with its numerous buildings, in the midst of which
+rises a tower thirty-three feet high, arrests our attention a few
+moments. From here we can turn down High Street to admire the Cathedral
+of Saint Giles, so full of souvenirs of the Reformation, and then
+continue our course up the great street of the old city, as far as the
+famous Edinburgh Castle, a feudal edifice standing on the summit of a
+perpendicular rock, from whence you can survey the old and new towns.
+
+The Crown Room contains the insignia of the Scottish sovereigns. Close
+to it is the room where Mary Stuart gave birth to the son who was to
+unite the crowns of England and Scotland. In this rapid glimpse of
+Edinburgh, it would be out of place to enter into all the history of the
+Castle, the sieges it has stood, and so on. Historical castles all
+resemble each other a little; but that which makes the interest of this
+one unique is its marvellous position: the sixteenth century at your
+right; the hills and the sea beyond; on your left, the parks; in front,
+nearly four hundred feet below you, the beautiful modern town, with its
+elegant buildings, straight, wide streets, and its statues; a little in
+the distance, Calton Hill, with its Greek monuments; beyond again, Leith
+with its harbour bristling with masts; you are chained to the spot in
+admiration.
+
+Following the castle terrace, we will descend towards the new town, and
+come out at the west of Princes Street.
+
+We are walking towards the East. On our left, we shall have the shops;
+on our right, the public gardens, a mixture of _Boulevard des Italiens_
+and _Champs Elysées_. Everything here is in perfect taste. Look at the
+statues judiciously placed about the public gardens, streets, and
+squares!
+
+O George Square!
+
+Here is a shop-window full of photographs. Let us stop and look in: they
+are not portraits of actresses and fashionable beauties, but chiefly of
+professors of the University, of which Edinburgh is so proud. Remarkable
+among them is Professor Blackie, his fine head recalling a likeness of
+Lizst. It was this same Professor Blackie on whom the people of Glasgow
+made such an attack about two years ago, for having given, one Sunday in
+Saint Andrew's Hall, a most charming and poetical discourse on the Songs
+of Scotland.
+
+The sweep of the public gardens on the right is agreeably broken by two
+specimens of the most elegant Greek architecture: they are the buildings
+of the Royal Institution and the National Gallery. Nothing could be more
+graceful, more Attic, than these twin structures. The first contains
+thousands of national relics, from the pulpit of Knox to the Ribbon of
+the Garter worn by Prince Charles Stuart. The second is an admirable
+museum of painting and sculpture.
+
+The most striking monument of Princes Street is the one which was
+erected to Walter Scott in 1844. It has the form of a Gothic steeple,
+and is not less than two hundred feet high. It resembles somewhat the
+Albert Memorial in Hyde Park, but with this difference, that, while
+designed with ten times as much taste, it cost about a tenth of the
+money. The novelist's heroes and heroines are gracefully placed in the
+niches; the author himself is seated in an attitude of contemplation in
+the midst of his creations. Now for the comic side of the thing. A
+staircase conducts to the summit of the monument, to which you may mount
+for the sum of twopence.
+
+On the East of Princes Street are two very fine buildings--the Post
+Office and the Register Office, or resting-place of the national
+archives. This latter building has a magnificent flight of steps, in
+front of which is an equestrian statue--you guess whose, of course: the
+inevitable, the eternal, the never-to-be-sufficiently-paraded.
+
+What a bore that creature is!
+
+I am quite willing to admit that Wellington did exist, and that he
+rendered his country service; but is that a reason for turning him into
+a bore? He is a very nightmare!
+
+Napoleon, surely, was as great a general as Wellington. We have placed
+him on the top of the Vendome Column, but we had the good taste not to
+stick him up in every provincial city.
+
+That is true, you will perhaps say; but Wellington saved his country,
+whereas Napoleon ruined his. That is not my opinion; but we will not
+argue.
+
+Joan of Arc saved France. We have her statue at Domrémy, where she was
+born; at Orleans, where she handed over to her king his kingdom; and at
+Rouen, where she suffered death.
+
+I should understand every Scotch town having a statue of Burns, and
+another of Scott. These two geniuses personify Scotland; they remind
+the Scotch that Scotland is a nation, with a literature of her own;
+they keep up patriotism in every heart. But what did Wellington do for
+Scotland? If, in 1840, for instance, the Scotch had asked the English to
+give them their national rights and their parliament, Wellington is
+probably the general who would have gone to reduce them to order.
+
+But let us say no more about it. We will continue our walk to the end of
+Princes Street. Here we are at the foot of Calton Hill. By means of
+flights of steps and paths we pass the Observatory, and reach the top,
+to see the monument erected to Nelson's memory (threepence entrance).
+
+Between this monument and the Observatory, there stands a reproduction
+of the Parthenon. This is what chiefly suggested the idea of calling
+Edinburgh the Athens of the North. Calton Hill does its best to play the
+part of the Acropolis. But, unhappily, this Parthenon, built to
+commemorate the victory of Waterloo, remains unfinished for want of
+funds. It is true that this lends it a ruined look, which does not give
+a bad effect to the scene. But £20,000 to make a ruin is dear. In that
+time the Greeks would have sold the Scots the real Parthenon for half
+the money. Half the money! What am I talking about? for a timepiece. Go
+to the British Museum and see what Lord Elgin got for a clock: the
+marbles and frieze of the Parthenon, the bas-reliefs of Phidias, columns
+from the temple of Diana at Ephesus, the epitaph of the Athenians who
+died at Potidoea, the bas-reliefs of the temple of Ægina. Lord Elgin was
+a business-like Scotchman. In 1816 the English bought his collection of
+him for £36,000. They would not sell it to-day for £500,000.
+
+Going round the Acropolis we will descend near the High School, the most
+important school in Edinburgh, opposite which stands the monument to
+Robert Burns (twopence entrance). It is rather insignificant-looking,
+and reminds one of that erected by the Athenians in memory of
+Lysicrates. Cost, £2,600.
+
+I pass over many museums and institutions; but I hope I have succeeded
+in showing that Edinburgh is a place to be seen, and quite repays one
+for the trouble of a long journey.
+
+And now let us see what kind of people one meets in the streets of
+Edinburgh. After that, I will ask your permission to take you across the
+Firth of Forth, and show you a castle little known in England, where I
+hope we shall be able to pass a little time pleasantly.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVIII.
+
+    Where are the Scotch? -- Something wanting in the Landscape. --
+    The Inhabitants. -- The Highlanders and the Servant Girls. --
+    Evening in Princes Street. -- Leith and the Firth of Forth. --
+    Rossend Castle at Burntisland. -- Mary Stuart once more. -- I
+    receive Scotch Hospitality in the Bedroom where Chastelard was
+    as enterprising as unfortunate.
+
+
+With the exception of the famous tartan shawls, which we come across
+again in Edinburgh on the backs of the lower-class women, nothing in the
+costume of the inhabitants could remind you that you were not in Paris,
+London, Brussels, or any other haunt of that badge of modern
+civilisation, the chimney-pot. In Glasgow this does not shock you more
+than it would in Manchester or Birmingham; but, in the romantic city of
+Edinburgh, even the whistle of the railway engine annoys you; the cap
+and kilt are sadly felt wanting, and you almost want to stop the
+passers-by and ask them: "Where are your kilts?" You feel as if you were
+cheated out of something.
+
+Alas! the national costume of the Scotch is almost a thing of the past:
+it is no longer a dress--it is a get-up.
+
+You may see it yet at fancy dress balls, in the army of Her Britannic
+Majesty, at the Paris Opera-Comique, and in the comic papers.
+
+I believe the Royal Princes occasionally don it, when they go to
+Scotland in the autumn to shoot; but even in the remote Highlands the
+national costume is dying out, and if you count upon seeing Scotchmen,
+dressed Scotch fashion in Scotland, you will be disappointed. As well
+look for lions in the outskirts of Algiers, or a pretty woman in the
+streets of Berne.
+
+A gentleman in kilts would make as great a sensation in the streets of
+Edinburgh as he would on the Boulevard des Italiens. Nay, more, if he
+stood still, he might have pence offered him.
+
+The costume of _Dickson_ in _La Dame Blanche_ is only seen on the backs
+of those splendid Highlanders whom the maidservants in large towns hire
+by the afternoon on Sundays to accompany them to the parks.
+
+In London you will sometimes see Highlanders--from Whitechapel--playing
+the bagpipes and dancing reels, talents which bring an ample harvest of
+pennies in populous neighbourhoods, but which would fall rather flat in
+Edinburgh.
+
+I cannot imagine anything much more picturesque than Princes Street at
+night, when the old city in amphitheatre-shape, on the other side of the
+valley, stands out from the sky which it seems to touch with its old
+sombre majestic castle, and its houses ten or twelve stories high,
+rising tier above tier up the side of the hill, and shining with a
+thousand lights. I can understand that the inhabitants of Edinburgh
+enjoy to come out in the evening and feast their eyes on the enchanting
+sight, and this even in winter, when the street is a very funnel for the
+east wind which blows across straight from the Scandinavian icebergs.
+
+Edinburgh is the only town in Great Britain, which I have visited, whose
+streets are not shunned by respectable people at night.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A fine road about two miles long leads to Leith, which stands for Piræus
+to the Scotch Athens. There, in the mud and smoke, dwells a population
+of sixty thousand toil-stained folk, who contrast strongly with their
+elegant neighbours of Edinburgh. There is nothing here to attract the
+eye of the traveller, unless it be the harbour with its two piers--one
+3,530, the other 3,123 feet long--where the inhabitants can go and
+breathe the sea air, away from the noise and smoke of the town.
+
+Along the coast to the west, two miles from Leith, we come upon the
+interesting village of Newhaven. Here we find a little world apart,
+composed of fisherfolk, all related one to another, it is said. They
+treat as Philistines all who did not first see the light in their
+sanctuary, and the result is that they are constantly intermarrying. All
+the men work at fishing. The women go to Edinburgh to sell what their
+husbands catch, and bring back empty baskets and full pockets. These
+worthy women would think they were robbing their dear village if they
+bought the least thing in Edinburgh. Needless to say, the little
+community prospers. To see the costume of the women, who, in no point
+imitate the ridiculous get-up of their sisters in great towns; to see
+the activity and zeal for their work, one would believe oneself in
+France.
+
+"All the skippers own their own boats, and the pretty little houses they
+live in," said the Scotchman who accompanied me.
+
+And how neat and clean they look, those little white houses covered with
+climbing plants of all sorts! The whole scene speaks loudly of the work,
+thrift, and order of the people.
+
+By pushing on two miles further we come to Granton. There we can take
+the boat which will carry us over the Firth of Forth, and set us down at
+Burntisland in Fifeshire; but instead of there taking the train to the
+north of Scotland, we will stop to see Rossend Castle.
+
+Standing on a promontory, which dominates the Firth of Forth and the
+hills of Edinburgh, Rossend Castle is one of the most romantic places in
+Scotland.
+
+Its old square tower contains the bedroom used by Mary Stuart when she
+travelled in Fifeshire, and stopped at the castle. The present owner,
+whose hospitality is proverbial in the neighbourhood, has religiously
+preserved the room intact. It is there just as it existed three hundred
+years ago, with its two little turret-rooms, oak wainscoting, and a
+thousand relics of its unhappy visitor.
+
+The portrait of Mary Stuart at Rossend is the most striking that I saw
+in Scotland. Placed over the mantelpiece, it seems to fill the room with
+its dreamy melancholy gaze. It seems to follow you, and you cannot take
+your eyes off it. I occupied this room for four nights, a prey to the
+saddest thoughts. It was in the month of January, and the wind, which
+was blowing hard across the Firth, roared round the tower. With my feet
+before the fire, which burned in the immense fireplace, I let my fancy
+reconstruct the scene in which poor Chastelard lost his head, first
+figuratively, and then in reality.
+
+As I mentioned in the preceding chapter, my young and handsome
+countryman Pierre de Boscosel de Chastelard had conceived a mad passion
+for the queen. He had dared to declare this love in the Holyrood Palace.
+His offence was forgiven.
+
+Imagining, from the fact of his having been pardoned, that he had
+succeeded in inspiring affection in the heart of his royal mistress, the
+poor moth must needs flutter again around the flame, which was to be his
+destruction. The romantic troubadour secretly followed the queen from
+Edinburgh to Rossend Castle, and, on the night of the 14th of February,
+1562, hid himself in her chamber, until she was almost undressed for the
+night, when he left his hiding-place, and, seizing the queen in his
+arms, so alarmed her, that she screamed for protection. This woman who,
+to avenge Rizzio's death, did not hesitate to have a barrel of powder
+placed under her husband's bed, felt herself insulted. Her cries
+attracted her attendants, and Murray was ordered by the indignant queen
+to stab the young madman dead then and there. But Murray preferred to
+wreak his wrath on Chastelard, whom he hated, by having him hanged. The
+poor secretary, who had been so favoured by his mistress that all the
+courtiers were jealous of him, who had so often beguiled her solitude by
+his poems and his music, went cheerfully to the scaffold. Like Cornelius
+de Witt, who, a century later, recited Horace's _Justum et tenacem_
+while the executioner of The Hague put him to the torture, Chastelard
+mounted the scaffold calm and smiling, reciting Rousard's _Ode to Love_.
+
+"I die not without reproach, like my ancestor Bayard," said he; "but,
+like him, I die without fear."
+
+And then, turning his eyes towards the castle inhabited by Mary Stuart,
+he cried:
+
+"Adieu, thou cruel but beautiful one, who killest me, but whom I cannot
+cease to love!"
+
+Rossend Castle is a veritable poem in stone. Do not visit Edinburgh
+without pushing to Burntisland. The _châtelain_ is justly proud of his
+romantic home, and does the honours of it with a kind grace that charms
+the visitor.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIX.
+
+    Aberdeen, the Granite City. -- No sign of the Statue of "you
+    know whom." -- All Grey. -- The Town and its Suburbs. --
+    Character of the Aberdonian. -- Why London could not give an
+    Ovation to a Provost of Aberdeen. -- Blue Hill. -- Aberdeen
+    Society. -- A thoughtful Caretaker. -- To this Aberdonian's
+    Disappointment, I do not appear in Tights before the Aberdeen
+    Public.
+
+
+It does not enter into the plan of this book to give a detailed
+description of the principal towns and sites in Scotland. That can be
+found in any guide-book.
+
+The aim of this little volume is to give an idea of the character and
+customs of the Scotch, from _Souvenirs_ of several visits made by the
+author to the land of Burns and Scott.
+
+But a few words must be said on the subject of the City of Granite.
+
+Aberdeen is a large, clean-looking town, with more than a hundred
+thousand inhabitants; wide, regular streets, fine edifices, and many
+statues, among which we are happy, for a change, not to find that of
+_you know whom_.
+
+If Glasgow and Dundee are the principal centres of commercial activity
+in Scotland, Edinburgh and Aberdeen are the two great centres of
+learning.
+
+Union Street, the principal thoroughfare, is about half-a-mile long, and
+is built entirely of light grey granite, which gives it a rather
+monotonous aspect. Public buildings, churches, private houses,
+pavements, all are grey; the inhabitants are mostly dressed in grey, and
+look where you will, you seem to see nothing but grey.
+
+Just as it is in London, Edinburgh, and Glasgow, the fashionable quarter
+is the west, and the poor live in the east.
+
+Is this due to chance?
+
+The most conspicuous edifice of the town is the Municipal Building,
+forming a town hall and a court of justice. The most interesting is
+Marischal College, the home of the Faculty and School of Medicine, which
+now form part of the University of Aberdeen, after having had a separate
+existence for two hundred and sixty-six years. The college is a very
+fine building, but is unfortunately hemmed in by a number of other
+buildings which hide its _façade_.
+
+A mile from the town stands the college of the university (King's
+College), built in 1495 on the model of the Paris university. Most of
+the Scotch buildings, which date from the fifteenth and sixteenth
+centuries, have a very pronounced French character.
+
+I would advise tourists, who go as far north as Aberdeen, not to miss
+making the ascension of the Blue Hill, which is about four miles from
+the town. From the summit of this hill, they will see a delightful
+panorama of Aberdeen, a stretch of fifty or sixty miles of coast, the
+ruins of the celebrated castle of Dunnottar, and all the valley of the
+Dee framed in hills. It is a grand sight; unfortunately, to thoroughly
+bring out its beauties, a clear sky is essential, and there comes the
+rub.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The county of Aberdeen is not only one of the great intellectual centres
+of Scotland, it is the home of Caledonian shrewdness and pawkiness.
+Aberdeenshire alone furnished more than half the anecdotes collected by
+Dean Ramsay.
+
+The Aberdonians are the chosen people, the elect of God.
+
+Every Scot is proud of his nationality, but an Aberdonian will tell you:
+"Not only am I a Scotchman, but I was born in Aberdeen."
+
+And true enough, "tak' awa' Aberdeen, and twal' miles round, and faar
+are ye?"
+
+It is related that a provost of Aberdeen, having come to London with his
+wife, someone recommended the lady to be sure and go to Covent Garden to
+see the opera.
+
+"No," she replied, "we have come to London to be quiet and not to
+receive ovations. We shall not show ourselves in public during our stay
+in the capital."
+
+Her resolution was adhered to, and London saw them not.
+
+For the future life, the Aberdonian has no fears, and if he will only
+recommend you to Saint Peter, you will not have to wait long at the
+gates of Paradise.
+
+Society in Aberdeen is of the choicest. Its aristocracy is an
+aristocracy of talent. In Aberdeen, as in Edinburgh, the local lions are
+the professors of the university, literary people, doctors, barristers,
+and artists. To cut a figure there, you need not jingle your guineas,
+but only show your brains and good manners. In Glasgow, show your
+_savoir-faire_; but, in Edinburgh and Aberdeen, your _savoir-vivre_.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I cannot quit the subject of Aberdeen without relating a little incident
+which exceedingly diverted me.
+
+A few hours before delivering a lecture at the Albert Hall, I paid a
+visit to the place to see if my reading-desk had been properly arranged.
+Great was my surprise, on entering the hall, to see near the platform an
+elegant improvised green-room, curtained off. I asked the caretaker if
+there was not a retiring-room, in which I could await the moment for
+beginning my lecture, to which he replied:
+
+"Yes, sir; we have an anteroom over there, but I have set apart this
+little green-room, because I thought it would be more comfortable for
+you to go and change your dresses in during the performance."
+
+The worthy fellow evidently imagined that I was going to appear in
+tights before the lairds of Aberdeen.
+
+The learned professor, who had kindly come to introduce me to my
+audience, laughed heartily with me over the joke.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXX.
+
+    The Thistle. -- "Nemo me impune lacessit." -- "Honi soit qui
+    Mollet pince." -- Political Aspirations of the Scotch. --
+    Signification of Liberalism in Scotland. -- Self-Government in
+    the near Future. -- Coercive Pills. -- The Disunited Kingdom. --
+    The United Empire.
+
+
+The emblem of Scotland is the thistle, the device _Nemo me impune
+lacessit_.
+
+The great Order of Scotland is that of the Thistle, or Saint Andrew, the
+patron saint of the country, and was instituted by James V. in
+1534--that is to say, about two hundred years after Edward III. of
+England had founded the Order of the Garter.
+
+_A propos_ of this Garter, what fables and anecdotes have been written!
+Historians even are not agreed as to the origin of the famous device:
+_Honi soit qui mal y pense_.
+
+The explanation which seems to be the most plausible is this:
+
+The Countess of Salisbury, King Edward III.'s mistress, dropped her
+garter at a ball. The king picked it up; but, as the worthy descendant
+of a bashful race, he did not attempt to replace it, but turning towards
+his courtiers, said:
+
+"My lords, _honi soit qui mollet pince_."
+
+Then he advanced towards the countess and gave her her garter.
+
+The king's expression became corrupted into:
+
+_Honi soit qui mal y pense._
+
+This is the correct version, you may depend on it.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Scots are a nation of hardy, valiant men, whom the English never
+would have succeeded in conquering by force of arms.
+
+The Scotch will tell you that it was not England that annexed them, it
+was they who annexed England. Let us not grudge them this consolation,
+if it gives them any pleasure.
+
+It is a fact that, on the death of Elizabeth, James VI. of
+Scotland--Mary Stuart's son--was called to fill the English throne, and
+thus united the crowns of England and Scotland.
+
+But these conquering Scots begin to perceive that they are treated
+rather like conquered Scots at the Palace of Westminster, and they do
+not like it.
+
+"They are very quiet under it," you may say; "one does not hear them
+complaining like the Irish."
+
+That is true: Donald is patient, and knows how to bide his time.
+
+The Irish question overwhelms every other political one just now in
+England. We all know that the Irish demand Home Rule, and as we do not
+hear the Scotch and the Welsh talked of, we conclude that these two
+peoples are comfortably enjoying life under the best of possible
+governments.
+
+Scotland and Wales content themselves for the present with sending
+Liberal members to the British Parliament. But with them the word
+"Liberal" has not the political sense which it possesses in England, it
+has a rather revolutionary meaning. I do not mean by this that it
+implies an idea of rebellion.
+
+No. But in their vocabulary it is almost synonymous with _autonomist_.
+
+The English Liberals are men who are convinced that things are not
+perfect, and who admit the possibility of reforms.
+
+In the eyes of the Scotch, Liberalism consists in preparing to ask one
+day for a great reform: Home Rule. Before ten years have passed, we
+shall see Scotland and Wales electing Home Rule candidates, as Ireland
+is doing now.
+
+The Scotch will consent to remain British on condition that the English
+allow them to become Scotch--that is to say, to manage for themselves
+matters which have no connection with the Empire, and concern the Scotch
+people alone; such as religion, education, and the administration of
+justice. They are too shrewd to desire to become once more Scots pure
+and simple, and so renounce their part and profit in the gigantic
+concern called the British Empire. They will continue to send members to
+Westminster to take part in the work of governing the Empire, but they
+will have a parliament or a council at Edinburgh, whose business it will
+be to look after matters purely Scotch.
+
+They would be willing to walk hand-in-hand with England, but not by
+means of handcuffs.
+
+The English are fond of talking of Scotland as if it were a county of
+England. The Scotch mean that Scotland shall be Scotland.
+
+"Let the English look after England," they say, "and we will look after
+Scotland. As soon as a question relating to the British Empire arises,
+we will be as British as they. We do not want to destroy the unity of
+the Empire, or to break off our relations with the Parliament; but we
+simply wish to do as we like at home."
+
+There is nothing extraordinary in such a demand.
+
+When the Scotch, or the Irish, win a battle, it is immediately announced
+in the papers that "the English have gained a victory." But let an
+Irishman or a Scotchman commit a crime, and John Bull quickly cries out:
+
+"It is an Irishman," or "It is a Scotchman."
+
+"Let it be each one to himself, and each for himself," says Donald, "so
+long as it is a question of England or Scotland. But when it is a
+question of the great Motherland, then we will all be Britons."
+
+The English have this good point: they know that it is good policy not
+to try and prevent the inevitable, but rather to put a good face upon
+it. They know that that which is given ungraciously is received
+ungratefully.
+
+They are now administering the eighty-seventh coercive pill to the
+Irish. That will be the last.
+
+In two or three years time, Ireland will belong to the Irish, as, later
+on, Scotland will belong to the Scotch.
+
+The United Kingdom will only be the more powerful for it. Having no more
+internal squabbles to fear, it will present a formidable quadruple
+breast to the outer world.
+
+London will be the political centre of an immense imperial federation.
+England, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, India, the Cape, Canada, Australia,
+all will be represented in a Parliament really Britannic. Their capitals
+will be the respective leaders of this grand team.
+
+The British Empire will be built upon hearts in all parts of the globe.
+
+If there is no longer any United Kingdom, neither will there be a
+Disunited Kingdom, and instead there will be something much more
+imposing, much more powerful, there will be
+
+    THE UNITED EMPIRE.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+ARROWSMITH'S BRISTOL LIBRARY.
+
+
+    "Novel readers ought to bless Mr. Arrowsmith for providing them
+    with volumes of moderate size and price."--_Sunday Gems._
+
+    _Fcap. 8vo, stiff covers, 1/-; cloth, 1/6 (postage 2d.) each._
+
+  TITLE.                           AUTHOR.
+
+  #CALLED BACK.#                   HUGH CONWAY.
+  #BROWN-EYES.#                    MAY CROMMELIN.
+  #DARK DAYS.#                     HUGH CONWAY.
+  #FORT MINSTER, M.P.#             Sir E. J. REED, K.C.B., M.P.
+  #THE RED CARDINAL.#              Mrs. FRANCES ELLIOT.
+  #THE TINTED VENUS.#              F. ANSTEY.
+  #JONATHAN'S HOME.#               ALAN DALE.
+  #SLINGS AND ARROWS.#             HUGH CONWAY.
+  #OUT OF THE MISTS.#              DANIEL DORMER.
+  #KATE PERCIVAL.#                 Mrs. J. COMYNS CARR.
+  #KALEE'S SHRINE.#                GRANT ALLEN.
+  #CARRISTON'S GIFT.#              HUGH CONWAY.
+  #THE MARK OF CAIN.#              ANDREW LANG.
+  #PLUCK.#                         J. STRANGE WINTER.
+  #DEAR LIFE.#                     Mrs. J. E. PANTON.
+  #GLADYS' PERIL.#                 JOHN COLEMAN and JOHN C. CHUTE.
+  #WHOSE HAND?# or, The Mystery    W. G. WILLS and The Hon. Mrs. GREENE.
+    of No Man's Heath.
+  #THAT WINTER NIGHT.#             ROBERT BUCHANAN.
+  #THE GUILTY RIVER.#              WILKIE COLLINS.
+  #FATAL SHADOWS.#                 Mrs. L. L. LEWIS.
+  #THE LOVELY WANG.#               Hon. L. WINGFIELD.
+  #PATTY'S PARTNER.#               JEAN MIDDLEMASS.
+  "#V.R.#" A Comedy of Errors.     EDWARD ROSE.
+  The #PARK LANE MYSTERY.# A       JOSEPH HATTON.
+    Story of Love and Magic.
+
+    _Bristol_: J. W. ARROWSMITH, 11 QUAY STREET.
+    _London_: SIMPKIN, MARSHALL, & Co., 4 STATIONERS' HALL COURT.
+    And Railway Bookstalls.
+
+
+
+
+Arrowsmith's Christmas Annual.
+
+
+    #KATHARINE REGINA.#
+    By WALTER BESANT.
+                                                  [_October 29th._
+
+
+    _Crown Quarto. Price Five Shillings._
+
+    #KING DIDDLE.#
+    BY
+    H. C. DAVIDSON.
+
+    With Thirteen exquisite Illustrations by E. A. LEMANN.
+
+
+    _Fcap. Quarto. Price 2s. 6d._
+
+    #BUZ#;
+    or, The Life and Adventures of a Honey Bee.
+
+    By MAURICE NOEL.
+    Illustrated by LINLEY SAMBOURNE.
+
+    "One of the best children's books this season."--_Saturday
+    Review._
+
+
+    _Fcap. Quarto. Price 3s. 6d._
+
+    #UNDER THE WATER.#
+
+    By MAURICE NOEL, Author of "Buz," &c. Illustrated by E. A.
+    LEMANN.
+
+    "Inevitably recalls Kingsley's 'Water Babies.'"--_Saturday
+    Review._
+
+    "Since Kingsley's 'Water Babies' there has not, to our thinking,
+    appeared a book which combines amusement with wit to such an
+    extent as 'Under the Water.'"--_Colborn's Magazine._
+
+
+    _In one vol. Price 5s., cloth (post free 5s. 6d.)_
+
+    #DEAD MEN'S DOLLARS.#
+    By MAY CROMMELIN.
+
+    Author of "Brown-Eyes," "Queenie," "Orange Lily," &c., &c.
+
+    "The story is an extremely interesting one."--_Publishers'
+    Circular._
+
+
+    _Crown 8vo. Price 5s._
+
+    #TWYCROSS'S REDEMPTION.#
+    A Story of Wild Adventure.
+
+    By ALFRED ST. JOHNSTON.
+
+    Author of "Camping among Cannibals," "Charlie Asgarde," "In
+    Quest of Gold," &c., &c.
+
+    Eight Illustrations by GORDON BROWNE.
+
+
+    _Bristol_: J. W. ARROWSMITH, 11 QUAY STREET.
+    _London_: SIMPKIN, MARSHALL, & Co., 4 STATIONERS' HALL COURT.
+    And all Booksellers.
+
+
+
+
+What will this cost to Print?
+
+ASK J. W. Arrowsmith, 11 Quay Street, Bristol.
+
+
+
+
+TEETH LIKE PEARLS,
+
+LUXURIANT HAIR.
+
+  [Illustration:
+  A PURE FRAGRANT POWDER FROM ORIENTAL HERBS. 2s. 9d. Per Box.
+  ROWLANDS' ODONTO or PEARL DENTIFRICE for
+  PRESERVING & BEAUTIFYING THE TEETH AND GUMS
+  A. ROWLAND & SONS
+  20, _HATTON GARDEN_]
+
+#ROWLANDS' ODONTO#
+
+Is the best, purest, and most fragrant Tooth Powder; it prevents and
+arrests decay, strengthens the gums, gives a pleasing fragrance to the
+breath, and renders the #TEETH WHITE AND SOUND#.
+
+
+#ROWLANDS' MACASSAR OIL#
+
+Is the best and safest preserver and beautifier of the hair, and has
+a most delicate and fragrant bouquet. It contains no lead or mineral
+ingredients, and can also be had in #A GOLDEN COLOUR# for fair and
+golden haired children, and people whose hair has become grey.
+
+Sizes: 3/6, 7/-, 10/6, equal to 4 small.
+
+
+  #ASK FOR ROWLANDS' ARTICLES#,
+  of 20 Hatton Garden, London, and avoid cheap spurious imitations
+  under the same or similar names.
+
+
+
+
+A MOST USEFUL AND VALUABLE FAMILY MEDICINE.
+
+
+  [Illustration: KEEP THIS Medicine                ALWAYS in Store.]
+
+Are one of those rare Medicines which, for their extraordinary
+properties, have gained an almost UNIVERSAL REPUTATION.
+
+During a period of FIFTY YEARS they have been used most extensively as a
+Family Medicine, thousands having found them a simple and safe remedy,
+and one needful to be kept always at hand.
+
+_These Pills are purely Vegetable, being entirely free from Mercury or
+any other Mineral, and those who may not hitherto have proved their
+efficacy will do well to give them a trial._
+
+_Numbers are constantly bearing testimony to their great value, as may
+be seen from the Testimonials published from time to time. By the timely
+use of such a remedy, many of the afflicting disorders which result from
+proper means being neglected, might be avoided, and much suffering
+saved, for_ "PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE".
+
+RECOMMENDED FOR DISORDERS OF THE
+
+  HEAD, CHEST, BOWELS, LIVER & KIDNEYS;
+
+  Also in RHEUMATISM, ULCERS, SORES, AND ALL SKIN DISEASES, being
+  A DIRECT PURIFIER OF THE BLOOD
+
+  and other fluids of the human body.
+
+_Many persons have found these Pills of great service both in preventing
+and relieving_ SEA-SICKNESS; _and in Warm Climates they are very
+beneficial in all Bilious Complaints_.
+
+
+WHELPTON'S VEGETABLE STOMACH PILLS
+
+Are particularly suited to Weakly Persons, being exceedingly mild and
+gradual in their operation, imparting tone and vigour to the Digestive
+Organs.
+
+  [Illustration: NEVER Leave Home              WITHOUT These Pills.]
+
+Sold in boxes, price 7-1/2d., 1s. 1-1/2d., and 2s. 9d., by G. WHELPTON &
+SON, 8 Crane Court, Fleet Street, London, at all Chemists and Medicine
+Vendors at home and abroad. Sent free by post in the United Kingdom for
+8, 14 or 33 stamps.
+
+
+
+
+GOLD MEDALS, EDINBURGH AND LIVERPOOL EXHIBITIONS.
+
+33 PRIZE MEDALS AWARDED TO THE FIRM.
+
+  FRY'S
+  PURE CONCENTRATED
+  COCOA
+
+  Prepared by a new and special scientific process, securing extreme
+  solubility, and developing the finest flavour of the Cocoa.
+
+  [Illustration: SOLUBLE--EASILY DIGESTED--ECONOMICAL.]
+
+W. H. R. STANLEY, M.D.--"I consider it a very rich, delicious Cocoa. It
+is highly Concentrated, and therefore economical as a family food. It is
+the drink _par excellence_ for children, and gives no trouble in
+making."
+
+Ask your Grocer for a Sample and copy of Testimonials.
+
+  J. S. FRY & SONS, Bristol, London, & Sydney, N.S.W.
+  MAKERS TO THE QUEEN AND PRINCE OF WALES.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Friend Mac Donald, by Max O'Rell
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRIEND MAC DONALD ***
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