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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Bill the Minder, by W. Heath Robinson
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Bill the Minder
+
+Author: W. Heath Robinson
+
+Illustrator: W. Heath Robinson
+
+Release Date: August 29, 2010 [EBook #33570]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BILL THE MINDER ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Simon Gardner, Chris Curnow and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
+file was produced from images generously made available
+by The Internet Archive)
+
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Note
+
+Where changes have been made to the text these are listed at the end of
+the book.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: cover art]
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: frontispiece]
+
+   BILL THE MINDER
+
+    _Written and
+   illustrated by_
+
+      W·HEATH
+      ROBINSON
+
+      NEW YORK
+  HENRY HOLT & CO·
+        1912
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Edinburgh: T. and A. CONSTABLE, Printers to His Majesty
+
+  TO
+
+  THE GOOD CHILDREN
+  OF CHLOE AND CRISPIN
+  THE GATHERER OF
+  MUSHROOMS---CHAD,
+  HANNIBAL, QUENTIN,
+  RANDALL, NOAH, RATCHETT,
+  NERO, BIDDULPH,
+  KNUT, AND THE TRULY
+  VIRTUOUS AND BEAUTIFUL
+  BOADICEA, THIS
+  BOOK IS MOST HUMBLY
+  AND RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED
+  BY THE FAITHFUL
+  NARRATOR OF THEIR
+  EVER-WONDERFUL ADVENTURES.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+
+                                                               PAGE
+
+  BILL THE MINDER                                                 1
+
+  THE KING OF TROY                                               15
+
+  THE ANCIENT MARINER                                            33
+
+  THE TRIPLETS                                                   51
+
+  GOOD AUNT GALLADIA                                             65
+
+  THE DOCTOR                                                     79
+
+  THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN                                      97
+
+  THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN                                       115
+
+  THE INTERVAL                                                  133
+
+  THE REAL SOLDIER                                              147
+
+  THE WILD MAN                                                  165
+
+  THE MUSICIAN                                                  183
+
+  THE LOST GROCER                                               199
+
+  THE MERCHANT'S WIFE                                           213
+
+  THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS                                            227
+
+  THE SIEGE OF TROY                                             241
+
+  THE END                                                       255
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+
+
+LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+
+COLOURED PLATES
+
+
+  FRONTISPIECE
+
+  THE KING OF TROY COMPELLED TO ASK HIS WAY     _To face page_   30
+
+  THE SPORT OF EVERY MER-KID                          "          48
+
+  HE WAS ALWAYS AT HAND                               "          58
+
+  I FELL FROM MY POSITION                             "          72
+
+  THE LORD MAYOR HELD A LONG COUNCIL                  "          88
+
+  THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN                           "         110
+
+  BASIL HERBERT DEVELOPS A CHILBLAIN                  "         122
+
+  AND LEFT HIM TO HAVE HIS CRY OUT                    "         140
+
+  REGINALD COMPLETELY LOST HIS TEMPER                 "         156
+
+  HARMLESS INDEED WERE OUR JOYS                       "         168
+
+  AND PLAYED IT FOR MY DELIGHT                        "         190
+
+  FOLLOWED HIM AT THE GREATEST SPEED                  "         208
+
+  BRINGING WITH THEM A LITTLE OLD MAN                 "         216
+
+  THEY CAME UPON A GREAT STONE SPHINX                 "         230
+
+  CLOSELY OBSERVED FROM THE WATCH TOWERS              "         244
+
+
+BILL THE MINDER
+
+                                                               PAGE
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                      1
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                       2
+
+  HIS HOWLS BECAME TERRIFIC                                       7
+
+  ALWAYS INVENTING NEW WAYS OF MINDING                           10
+
+  YOUNG TOOTH-CUTTERS FORGOT THEIR TROUBLES                      11
+
+  THE ONLY MINDER OF THE DISTRICT                                13
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                      14
+
+
+  THE KING OF TROY
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                     15
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                      16
+
+  HE CLIMBED THE RICK                                            18
+
+  HE COMMENCED HIS TALE                                          21
+
+  WHAT A TIME WE HAD                                             26
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                      31
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                       32
+
+
+  THE ANCIENT MARINER
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                     33
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                      34
+
+  I SIGN ON AS CABIN BOY                                         39
+
+  I WENT ON WITH MY SANDWICHES                                   42
+
+  FOR YEARS WE SAILED                                            47
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                      49
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                       50
+
+
+  THE TRIPLETS
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                     51
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                      52
+
+  ENDEAVOURING TO COMFORT THE OLD MAN                            55
+
+  WE GREW UP IN COMPARATIVE HAPPINESS                            58
+
+  THE TRIPLETS ACCOMPANY THE ARMY                                63
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                      64
+
+
+  GOOD AUNT GALLADIA
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                     65
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                      66
+
+  I JUST MANAGED TO REACH THE EGGS                               71
+
+  I ANGLE THE AIR                                                72
+
+  I ERECTED MY POLE ON THE SAND                                  73
+
+  ITS OLD STATELY SELF AGAIN                                     75
+
+
+  THE DOCTOR
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                     79
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                      80
+
+  FAR SOONER HAVE THE MUMPS                                      83
+
+  THE PUFF BAKER                                                 87
+
+  TREATED WITH DELICIOUS JALAPS                                  88
+
+  AS SOME PATIENT PREPARED HIS DOSE                              89
+
+  THE VERY SPARROWS GREW THIN                                    91
+
+  POSTCARD                                                       94
+
+  POSTCARD                                                       95
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                      96
+
+
+  THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                     97
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                      98
+
+  BOWING POLITELY TO THE PILLAR-BOXES                           103
+
+  THE CHURCH STEEPLE HAD BEEN REMOVED                           104
+
+  STANDING ALONE UPON THE WALL                                  106
+
+  DANGLING BY HIS LEGS                                          109
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                     113
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                      114
+
+
+  THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    115
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     116
+
+  I TOOK LEAVE OF MY SORROWING FATHER                           120
+
+  HARDLY DISGUISING HIS EFFORTS TO IGNORE ME                    121
+
+  THEY WERE COMPELLED TO SEND FOR A PHYSICIAN                   125
+
+  THE IMPROVEMENT WAS MAINTAINED                                129
+
+  DISCOVERED A CLOVE KERNEL                                     130
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                      132
+
+
+  THE INTERVAL
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    133
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     134
+
+  I FELL ON TO THE PARSNIP                                      137
+
+  THEY ALL ONCE MORE STARTED                                    138
+
+  ON THEIR ADVENTUROUS JOURNEY                                  139
+
+  THE WHOLE CAMP WAS FAST ASLEEP                                142
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                     145
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                      146
+
+
+  THE REAL SOLDIER
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    147
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     148
+
+  THE REAL SOLDIER                                              153
+
+  'BUT HOLD!' CRIED THE PRESIDENT                               156
+
+  'YOUR FATE BE UPON YOUR OWN HEAD'                             157
+
+  FLOUNDERING ABOUT IN THE SEA                                  159
+
+  IN EXPECTATION OF THEIR LEADER                                161
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                     163
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                      164
+
+
+  THE WILD MAN
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    165
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     166
+
+  I PLEADED MY CASE                                             169
+
+  AND KILLED IT ON THE SPOT                                     173
+
+  WE COOKED ONE GREAT STEAK                                     177
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                     181
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                      182
+
+
+  THE MUSICIAN
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    183
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     184
+
+  SHE NOW MADE OFF TO THE WOODS                                 189
+
+  HE WOULD CLIMB TO THE TOPMOST BRANCHES                        190
+
+  SWEEPING THE DEAD LEAVES                                      195
+
+  WITH NO OTHER WEALTH THAN MY CONCERTINA                       197
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                     198
+
+
+  THE LOST GROCER
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    199
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     200
+
+  AFFECTED BY HIS STORY                                         205
+
+  PLUMP INTO THE RIVER WE WENT                                  206
+
+  THERE GREW IN FRONT OF ME A GREAT MOUND                       209
+
+  SNEEZING AND SNEEZING                                         211
+
+
+  THE MERCHANT'S WIFE
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    213
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     214
+
+  MOPING ABOUT THE COMMON                                       219
+
+  KEPT HIM OUT OF MISCHIEF                                      223
+
+  GLORIOUS TARTS AND SWEETS                                     224
+
+  IT DIDN'T MATTER HOW MUCH YOU ATE                             225
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                     226
+
+
+  THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    227
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     228
+
+  THE HEADS SERVED FOR DOLLS                                    233
+
+  YOU ARE NOW OUR ONLY HOPE                                     234
+
+  I FISHED AND FISHED AND FISHED                                237
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                     239
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                      240
+
+
+  THE SIEGE OF TROY
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    241
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     242
+
+  PLAN OF SIEGE                                                 245
+
+  THESE PARCELS WERE NOW LABELLED                               248
+
+  AND PACKED HIM OFF TO PERSIA                                  251
+
+  TROY BECAME THE HAPPIEST TOWN                                 253
+
+  THE END
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                      256
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: BILL THE MINDER]
+
+[Illustration: Headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+BILL THE MINDER
+
+
+Old Crispin, the mushroom gatherer, and his good wife Chloe had ten
+children, and nine of them were bad-tempered. There was Chad, the
+youngest and most bad-tempered of the lot, Hannibal and Quentin the
+twins, Randall with the red head, Noah, Ratchett the short-sighted, Nero
+the worrit, weeping Biddulph and Knut. The only good-tempered child was
+a little girl named Boadicea.
+
+It is well known that a boy usually takes after his father, and a girl
+after her mother, and these children were no exception to the rule, for
+the boys all resembled old Crispin, whose temper had been rather tried,
+poor man, by the early hours at which he had to rise, in order to gather
+the mushrooms when they were quite new and young. On the other hand,
+Boadicea could only have inherited her good-temper from Chloe, who
+without doubt was the most good-tempered dame alive.
+
+Now it is quite true that any one who cares to rise early enough in the
+morning may gather mushrooms, and plenty of them, too, but those who do
+so only now and again, and merely for amusement, little know the hard
+life of the professional gatherer, or the skill and judgment he has to
+cultivate in order to carry on his work with any success.
+
+In the course of time Crispin became so well skilled that he could not
+only tell a mushroom from a toadstool at the distance of two hundred
+yards, but his hearing became so acute that he could even hear them
+growing, and learnt to distinguish the sound of each as it broke through
+the earth. Indeed, he had no need for any alarm to wake him from his
+heavy slumbers and call him to his work in the fields. However
+cautiously a mushroom made its appearance, at its first rumble, old
+Crispin would jump from his hard bed, hastily dress himself, and, often
+without tasting a morsel of breakfast, be out of the house and on to the
+field in time to see the newcomer pop its head through the earth. This
+he would pick, and then he would hop about with his head on one side
+listening for others like some old starling listening for worms, at the
+same time mewing like a cat to frighten away the birds that prey on the
+mushrooms. He was then able to fill his basket with the very freshest
+crop and take them round to people's houses in time for breakfast.
+
+With such anxious work it will be readily understood that few mushroom
+gatherers can remain in the best of health for many years, and it so
+happened that in time the anxieties connected with the gathering of
+mushrooms began to affect old Crispin, so that he fell ill and
+completely lost his appetite. Chloe called in the doctor, but the latter
+at first could do nothing for him. He painted Crispin's chest and then
+his back with iodine; he rubbed him well with the roots of sarsaparilla;
+he made him sleep first on his right side, then on his left, and finally
+covered him in brown paper plasters and dock-leaf poultices and sent him
+to the sea-side with strict injunctions to take to sea-bathing, running,
+and aeroplaning, but it was all of no avail.
+
+With the assistance of Boadicea, Chloe now tried to tempt her husband
+with every known and unknown dish, and when these failed, like a good
+wife, she invented others. She made trifles of vegetable marrow,
+tartlets of hen feathers to soothe the nerves, salads of spinach and
+carraway comfits, delicacies composed of porridge and mint, and the most
+luscious stews of pine-cones and lard. She then tried him with even
+lighter dishes, but it was no good. He became thinner and thinner every
+day, and his temper was growing shorter and shorter, when at last, to
+her great joy, she succeeded in making a jelly that really seemed to
+take his fancy.
+
+At first there was little or no sign of improvement, yet he ate a very
+small portion of the jelly every day, and with this the anxious wife and
+daughter had to be contented for some time. He had remained in this
+state for weeks when Chloe resolved slightly to increase his portion.
+Finding that this did not disagree with him, but that, instead, he
+became a little stouter and a little better every day, she continued
+gradually giving him more and more.
+
+At last she discovered that the more Crispin ate of this jelly, the
+greater his appetite became. In fact, if the truth be told, the old
+gentleman became in time not only quite well and very stout but also
+somewhat greedy. At all events, Chloe found that instead of being able
+to devote more time to her children, after restoring her husband's
+appetite, she had to give up more and more time to cooking. Crispin now
+spent the whole day in eating, and things went from bad to very bad, and
+from very bad to worse. Boadicea assisted her mother to the utmost, yet
+Chloe, worked almost to death, was at length compelled to look out for a
+minder, in order that her children might not be entirely neglected.
+
+Many minders from all parts applied for employment, and, as a test of
+their skill, she set them the task of cheering the unfortunate Chad, who
+was cutting all his double teeth at the same time. Some tried to cheer
+him by singing to him, some by dancing to him; one even hoped to gladden
+the boy by jumping over him backwards and with a pleasant smile dropping
+on the grass in front of him. Again, some thought to distract him by
+running swiftly with him several times round the well, which only made
+him very ill. Another energetic young minder stood on his head in front
+of the child for at least ten minutes, which, instead of cheering the
+lad, nearly frightened him to death. One minder, more experienced than
+the rest, tried to make him forget his ache by giving him other aches to
+think of with the aid of a slipper, which he maintained he had succeeded
+in doing. However, he was not elected, for, try as they would, no one
+could discover for which ache the child was crying.
+
+Many methods were tried, but none with even the smallest success; in
+fact, the competition greatly increased the child's discomfort. His
+howls became terrific, and so heartrending that, as a last resource,
+Chloe sent for her nephew Bill, who cleaned the boots. Now no one had
+suspected Bill of having the makings of a good minder in him, but it
+happened that he knew Chad's little ways, and so, to everybody's
+surprise and relief, he easily succeeded in keeping him quiet until all
+the double teeth had been cut. Thereupon he was at once elected Minder
+to the family.
+
+[Illustration: HIS HOWLS BECAME TERRIFIC]
+
+Bill soon proved that he was no ordinary minder. Having once started on
+his new work, he took his profession very seriously. He read all the
+books that had ever been written upon the subject, which were to be
+found in the library of the British Museum. He talked about it with the
+most knowing professors of the subject, and he was as well known in the
+Minding Room of the Patent Museum at South Kensington as in his father's
+house. And it is even said that he once contrived to be shut in all
+night by hiding behind a case of red coral rattles when the policeman
+came round at dusk to shut and lock the doors.
+
+Moreover, as you can see for yourselves in the pictures, he was always
+inventing new ways of minding his charges. So expert did he become in
+time that he was never at a loss with the most fractious, and easily
+surpassing all rivals, he became the most perfect minder of the
+district.
+
+Bill's fame spread to the most distant towns, and worrited mothers for
+miles around flocked to him with their children. He was most successful
+in distracting the vaccinated, and under his care young tooth-cutters
+soon forgot their troubles. Even the pangs of indigestion were allayed
+and the fretfulness of the sleepless lulled to rest by the charm of his
+ways. Short tempers were lengthened, and terrified midnight wakers were
+taught to realise how ridiculous were their fears. Screechers ceased to
+screech, and grizzlers to grizzle, while weepers and howlers reformed
+their habits and learnt to chuckle throughout the day.
+
+If any one could mind, Bill could!
+
+But life was not all condensed milk and honey to Bill. Like all good
+minders and men, he had the bad fortune to arouse the jealousy of
+rivals. The unvarying success which met his clever treatment of the most
+difficult cases, instead of arousing the admiration of his brother
+minders, as one would have expected, and making them eager to imitate
+him, only had the effect of making them very cross and jealous. Some,
+indeed, became so wild that they had to be minded themselves, while
+others neglected their charges and wandered about the country in a
+dreadful state of grumpiness, biting their nails to the quick, and
+tearing their hair or anything else they could get hold of.
+
+The time now arrived for the great annual Minding Tournament, held by
+the Duke to celebrate his birthday, to which every one had been looking
+forward all through the year. Few people have ever been so delighted
+over being born as was the Duke, and this was how he most liked to show
+his joy and thankfulness. The prizes and cups were usually subscribed
+for by the mothers and fathers, but this year was a very special
+occasion, for the Duke, having arrived at the age of sixty, had decided
+to present a gold-mounted feeding-bottle to be competed for during the
+tournament.
+
+Everybody was there; the Duke and his Duchess with a handsome bouquet of
+marigolds and groundsel, presented by the wives of the policemen; the
+Duchess's cousin, the chatty old Viscount, and his sweet young wife; the
+stout old Marquis who (as every lady knows) is also admiral of the
+Regent's Canal, and his six old-maid daughters, who all arrived in bath
+chairs. The general was there, as a matter of course, with all his
+medals beautifully polished, and his pockets full of Pontefract cakes
+and peardrops to throw to the children. At least twelve bishops were
+present, besides the vicar and his eight kind curates, who made
+themselves extremely pleasant to every one.
+
+All the mothers and fathers of the neighbourhood were present, and
+minders were continually arriving to compete for the prizes. There were
+at least one hundred policemen to keep order, and the music was provided
+by the band of the militia, lent for this occasion by the kind-hearted
+general. Each member of the band performed on a separate harmonium
+borrowed from the vicar. Refreshments also could be had by every one who
+could prove that he or she was hungry.
+
+[Illustration: ALWAYS INVENTING NEW WAYS OF MINDING]
+
+The first event was the egg-and-spoon race, which was decided in the
+following way. A well-pinched baby and a glass of milk were placed at
+the end of the course, and each competitor had to run to them balancing
+a new-laid egg on a spoon; when he had reached them, he had to beat up
+the egg in the glass of milk and pacify the child with the beverage. The
+competitor who did it in the shortest time won the prize.
+
+Some murmurings were heard when it was announced that Bill had won by
+two-and-a-half minutes, but these were soon drowned by the cheers of
+the crowd and the music of the harmoniums.
+
+[Illustration: YOUNG TOOTH-CUTTERS FORGOT THEIR TROUBLES]
+
+The second event was the obstacle race, in which each competitor had to
+run with three babies in his arms along a course strewn with
+perambulators full of children. Over the latter he had to climb, and
+having placed his three babies in an empty perambulator stationed at the
+end of the course, wheel them back the same way and empty them into the
+arms of the Duke without a cry from the children.
+
+The loud cheers of the crowd and the roar of the harmoniums this time
+hardly drowned the jeering of his rivals when it was proclaimed that
+Bill had also won this race; and when he secured the gold-mounted
+feeding-bottle, presented by the Duke, for minding seventeen
+tooth-cutters and three indigesters, and sending them all to sleep in
+three hours and forty-five minutes, their rage was almost beyond their
+control. The cheers, the hurrahs, and the clapping of hands, as well as
+the soothing music of the harmoniums, only made them more disagreeable
+and spiteful.
+
+But far worse was to happen when Bill presently carried off the great
+cup for remaining shut up in a bathing-machine with twelve vaccinated
+children for twelve hours. Then they quite lost their tempers, and Bill
+very nearly lost his life. At least seven babies were hurled at him, as
+well as the cup and the bathing-machine, and Bill was only saved by the
+seven mothers of the seven hurled babies, who rushed forward to grapple
+with the hurlers, and carried Bill and the babies out of their reach.
+
+This shocking disturbance caused the vicar and his eight kind curates to
+faint, while the Duke, who, now having lost all interest in the
+proceedings, was only waiting to give away the prizes, turned quite
+white, and at once drove off with the Duchess in his motor, and never
+again referred to the subject. The general stripped off his medals in
+despair, and gave them away to the children to cut their teeth with. The
+chatty old Viscount became dumb with astonishment, and the twelve
+bishops, with heads erect and half-closed eyes, walked off to their
+cathedrals. The harmoniums were all put out of tune and quite spoilt by
+the efforts of the bandsmen to drown the noise, and the tournament was
+completely broken up.
+
+After this, as might have been foreseen, no mother would entrust the
+care of her children to any one but Bill, who became the only minder of
+the district. What became of the rivals no one ever knew for certain,
+though it has been said that they all emigrated to a desolate island in
+the Dead Sea, and clothed themselves in crocodile's hide with the rough
+and knobby side worn against the skin, sleeping at night on beds of
+flints with coverlets made of stinging nettles. It is also said that
+they nagged and threw stones at each other all through the day, and for
+very rage would eat nothing but thistles, uncooked and with the prickles
+left on, and drink nothing but cold vinegar for the rest of their
+wretched lives.
+
+[Illustration: THE ONLY MINDER OF THE DISTRICT]
+
+Another story has it that Bill's jealous rivals all embarked for Mount
+Vesuvius, with the intention of committing suicide by plunging into the
+burning crater. But standing on its edge and gazing therein, they all
+suddenly altered their minds and walked back down the mountain side to
+Pompeii or Herculaneum, where they were supposed to have settled and
+married, and repented, let us hope, of their unkind and unreasonable
+behaviour.
+
+Whether either of these stories is true or not, it is certain that the
+rivals disappeared altogether from the country. Unmolested, Bill now
+devoted all his days to minding, and Randall, Noah, Knut, Biddulph,
+Nero, Ratchett, Hannibal, Quentin, Chad, and his innumerable other
+charges never left him, but wandered with him everywhere, even in his
+dreams.
+
+Such a minder was Bill!
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE KING OF TROY]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE KING OF TROY
+
+
+Now it happened one morning as Bill was shepherding his little flock
+across the downs, whither they loved to ramble on a fine summer's day,
+that Hannibal, Quentin, and Boadicea came running up to him with the
+wonderful tidings that they had discovered a real golden crown lying on
+the top of a hayrick. Bill hastened to the spot, and there, sure enough,
+was a most beautiful crown, ornamented with what he took to be
+priceless gems. Looking all round and seeing no one to whom it might
+belong, he climbed the rick and attempted to remove the treasure. But,
+try as he would, it still resisted his efforts, until at last, with one
+mighty wrench, he seemed to elicit a groan from the depths of the rick,
+and presently the crown arose apparently of its own accord and disclosed
+the head of an aged man firmly fixed therein. Soon his neck, then his
+shoulders appeared, as gradually the old fellow lifted himself from his
+place of hiding and climbed down the sides of the rick and stood
+trembling in the midst of the children, who now wonderingly gathered
+round him.
+
+Having recovered from his agitation, and being greatly encouraged by
+Bill's kindly inquiries and genial manners, the royal old boy proceeded
+to account for his strange appearance on the downs.
+
+'Prepare yourselves, you bantlings, and you, their noble curator, for
+the most astounding revelations; and those of you who are nerveful or
+softish in any way, hide your chubby heads in this old rick, that no
+word of my story of woes may enter your ears and so curdle your simple
+minds.'
+
+At this young Chad and some of the others set up a terrible hullabaloo,
+but Bill soon comforted them, and then, seated in a circle on the grass
+around the old fellow, they made themselves comfortable and prepared to
+listen to his story.
+
+'Are you all fit?' demanded the old gent. 'Yes,' shouted Bill and his
+charges in reply. 'Well, here goes then.' And he commenced his tale in
+the following way:--
+
+'I am that King of Troy who ruled over his subjects with such wisdom and
+justice that the greatest happiness prevailed amongst them!'
+
+[Illustration: HE CLIMBED THE RICK]
+
+'We've heard that before,' murmured Chad, but ignoring the interruption,
+the King of Troy continued his story:--
+
+'Safely protected from baseness of every description, from robbery, from
+the ill effects of envy, and from unworthy tricksters of every colour,
+by the stern, yet just rule under which they happily lived, the Trojans
+throve and pursued their various trades with unvarying success. All
+amassed a considerable fortune, and as their wealth increased, so did
+their pride in the beloved city of their birth. All contributed most
+willingly to the upkeep of their sovereign, and the ever-increasing
+state which I was expected to hold was paid for down to the last
+farthing by the noble fellows.
+
+'The well-meaning creatures at length gave no rest to their poor old
+king, and as their prosperity grew, they raised him to a more and more
+exalted, and at the same time increasingly uncomfortable, position above
+them. Heavier and heavier grew the robes of state to suit the swelling
+dignity of the city: more and more overloaded with gold, with jewels,
+with filigree silver and enamelled bronze became the crown, until so
+ponderous had grown the regalia that I could hardly support it. But no
+pity had the gallant lads. Mistaking the signs of my gradually drooping
+spirits for the signs of undue modesty, they slapped me on the back
+again and again, and with joyful shouts endeavoured to instil into my
+dejected soul some of their own abundant ardour.
+
+'With my own personal dignity, the number of ceremonials and functions I
+was expected to endure also increased. Town hall after town hall was
+built, and bazaars without end were held especially to be opened by
+myself. But in time even this doubtful relaxation ceased, and so high
+did my subjects raise me that few of them dared to approach me, and then
+only on bended knees. As for speaking familiarly with me, none had the
+temerity to attempt it. Perpetual state I was now compelled to keep, and
+never for an instant permitted to leave my throne or doff my royal
+robes, except for one short hour in the morning to perform ablutions in
+the regal tub, and even then I was not allowed to remove my crown.
+Seated on my throne from morning until night, overburdened by the weight
+of my crown and the heavily brocaded and bejewelled robes, I felt as
+lonely as a stranded limpet in the middle of the Sahara desert.
+
+'At last things came to such a pass, that, except perhaps to bring me
+food or drink, not one of my subjects would dare to draw nearer than to
+the outer door of my ante-room, and even there they would fall upon
+their faces and grovel in the dust and quake, so that the very clicking
+of their bones could be distinctly heard from my place upon the throne,
+as they trembled in every joint.
+
+'Ah, how I missed the old days,--the cheerful cup of tea, the pipe of
+baccy and the homely game of dominoes with that primest of all Prime
+Ministers. How gladly would I have snatched from the royal board the
+dainties now prepared for me,--the asparagus truffles, the prawn
+cutlets, the anchovy jelly, and suchlike, and hurled from me the trivial
+and shimmering mass, tweaking my old rascal of a waiter by the nose, and
+calling for a hunk of bread and some cheese. Even my sparkling and
+frolicsome old chum, the Prime Minister, had seemingly quite forgotten
+our loyal chumship and never appeared before me now except upon his
+hands and knees and with his head bent low to the ground. And what of my
+old friend the Secretary of State? Where were his gibes, his playful
+fancies, his quirks and rare conceits, the droll! Alas, only rarely now
+could I glimpse the rogue, and with real sorrow did I see his erstwhile
+bonny and jovial old face distorted by expressions of the most abject
+servility. And that respectful mute, the Minister of Education, does he
+dream that I forget his winsome pranks and jokes? Does he imagine for a
+moment that those glorious evenings, when the four of us used to meet
+and gladden the very stars by the sounds of our joviality, were nothing
+to me? Alas, in my solitude what would have befallen me but for those
+sweet memories!
+
+[Illustration: HE COMMENCED HIS TALE]
+
+'One evening the Prime Minister appeared on his hands and knees at the
+door of the throne-room, bearing on a little plate upon his back the
+slight supper that was served to me in this strange manner every
+evening. With drooping head, and visibly quaking with awe, he gradually
+crawled near, and when at the foot of the throne placed the supper (a
+mere anchovy truffle on toast) before me and fell flat on his face,
+writhing at my feet.
+
+'Who can describe my feelings as I bent over him and witnessed this
+degradation, this prostration before me, of one who had revelled with
+me, who had slapped me on the back in pure amity, and who, in days of
+yore, had gambolled, frisked, and carolled the most enchanting glees
+with me. A great hot tear fell from my left eye as I gazed, and the
+startled wretch leapt to his feet as it splashed upon his bald crown and
+trickled down its glossy sides, leaving a red and glowing spot where it
+had fallen. No words of mine could describe the misery expressed on the
+face of the unhappy man as he took one hasty glance at me, full of the
+deepest meaning, and rushed from the room weeping bitterly. Alas! he,
+too, remembered.
+
+'No heart had I now for the anchovy truffle, nor indeed for the toast,
+both of which I tossed lightly from me. I gave up my mind to most
+melancholy reflections. Night drew on, and one by one I could hear the
+ministers and domestics creeping up stealthily to bed, and at nine
+o'clock all the electric lights in the palace were switched off, and I
+was left in total darkness and in solitude. Still I brooded on my
+throne, unable to sleep for the weight of my robes and for the sad
+thoughts that passed through my mind, and mechanically counted the hours
+as they stole slowly by.
+
+'At length the clock in the hall downstairs struck eleven, and as the
+last beat echoed through the empty rooms, a light appeared underneath
+the door opposite the throne. Little heed did I give to this at first,
+imagining that one of the ministers, on retiring, had omitted to remove
+his boots and leave them in the hall, and was now returning to place
+them there. The light, however, remained, and to my increasing
+wonderment some one tried the handle of the door, which was then opened
+very cautiously and in there crept, on hands and knees, my old friend
+the Prime Minister. As soon as he was well within the room and had
+quietly closed the door, he leapt to his feet and executed the most
+astonishing capers that were ever danced. With the liveliest
+satisfaction expressed all over his mobile features, he pirouetted round
+the room with the greatest animation, and daringly accomplished the
+giddiest somersaults that were ever turned. At last, nearly exhausted
+with this vigorous performance, he ran up to the throne, grasped me by
+the hand, which he wrung most heartily, and for all the world was his
+good old self again.
+
+'He now bade me follow him, and in utter silence we both crept out of
+the throne-room, through the ante-room, down the stairs, across the
+hall, and out by the front door into the garden.
+
+'We now traversed the terrace and crossed the tennis lawn, and stepping
+gently across the Rhododendron beds, scrambled as carefully as possible
+over the barbed-wire fence and found ourselves in the kitchen garden.
+Passing through innumerable beds of cabbages, beetroots, turnips,
+brussels sprouts, and broccoli, we at last stood in front of an old
+broken-down hen-house. The Minister knocked very gently three distinct
+times and gave a low musical call, which was immediately answered from
+within. The door now opened just sufficiently to admit one person at a
+time, and the Prime Minister crept in, dragging me after him, and then
+closing the door as quickly and as quietly as possible.
+
+'You may imagine my surprise when I discovered my two other old cronies
+seated amongst the hay newly strewn on the floor, the fat old roosters
+chortling wisely the while on their perches in the roof of the shed. Two
+or three candles, that were glued with their own fat on the stakes that
+were driven securely into the ground, together with an old stable
+lantern suspended from the roof, served to light up the interior. A
+squat and homely kettle was simmering cheerily in front of some glowing
+embers in the centre of the floor awaiting the brewing of a stout cup of
+tea, and the dominoes were all ready for a rattling game as of old.
+
+'Nothing could exceed the joy of the dear old boys, as they gripped me
+by the hand and punched me first on the chest and again on the back from
+pure joy, forgetting all the awe with which they had regarded me for so
+long since, and only remembering the many happy times we had spent
+together in days of yore,--those far-off happy days, before I had been
+so terribly, so uncomfortably exalted by my subjects.
+
+'As soon as I had made myself pretty comfortable, the Minister of
+Education reached up, and taking one of the old chickens from its perch,
+quickly killed it, plucked it and trussed it, and then, suspending it
+over the embers by a piece of string from the roof, turned it round and
+round gently until it was done to a T.
+
+'What a time we had in that old shed to be sure. After demolishing the
+chicken we played the most exciting games of dominoes until we were
+tired of them, then cats' cradles, then honey-pots, and then touch wood.
+And what could have been more refreshing than those cups of tea! And
+what more invigorating than the Pontefract cakes, the slabs of cocoanut
+ice, and sheets of almond hard-bake that we crunched between the games!
+And the songs and choruses with which we shook the crazy old hen-house
+to its rotting foundations! My word! How we trolled them out!
+
+'When our joy was at its height, and we were carolling the inimitable
+chorus of that more than glorious old song of the country-side, "Waiting
+for the Guinea Fowl," we were suddenly reminded of the approach of day
+by the loud crowing of the old cock over our heads, and peeping at once
+out of the door we perceived that already the dawn had advanced and
+lightened the eastern sky.
+
+[Illustration: WHAT A TIME WE HAD]
+
+'Without a moment's hesitation, the guttering candles were
+extinguished, and I was hurried back to the palace. But only just in
+time, for as I mounted the steps of my throne I could hear the lazy
+steps of the boot-boy as he unwillingly crawled downstairs to his work.
+
+'In the course of the day the Egg Counter to the Royal Household was
+dragged grovelling before me, complaining that the foxes had stolen one
+of the chickens under his care. I ordered the treasurer to disburse 9d.
+for a trap and dismissed the grinning churl, who little guessed the
+breed of foxes which had made away with his bird.
+
+'Night after night the four of us, unsuspected of any, now sought the
+hen-house, and forgot the harassing troubles of state in the pure joys
+of friendship. After killing, roasting, and supping off one of the birds
+as on our first meeting, we abandoned ourselves to the heartiest
+revelry, only to be awakened to the cold everyday world by the crowing
+of the old bantam.
+
+'During the daytime my friends resumed their deferential and almost
+servile demeanour, and nothing remained to remind me of the revels of
+the night before but the troubles of the Egg Counter, who now came to me
+every day with a fresh complaint that yet another of his birds had
+disappeared.
+
+'And now begins the narration of the most terrible of all my trials. One
+night--how well can I remember it, it was on the eve of that very day
+when the mighty King of the Persians and all his court were coming to
+spend the week-end with us, in order to celebrate my sixty-fifth
+birthday--we met as usual in the hen-house, and discovered to our dismay
+that we had demolished all the fowls with the exception of the old cock.
+After some discussion, and regardless of consequences, we decided to
+treat him as we had already treated his brothers and sisters, and in a
+very little time nothing was left of the tough old biped but bones, beak
+and feathers. Heedless of the morrow, we now gave ourselves up to the
+wildest enjoyment. Discarding such simple games as dominoes and
+honey-pots, we now indulged in the more thrilling joys of leap-frog,
+Hunt the Stag, Red Rover, Robbers and Thieves, and you would not believe
+me were I to tell you the amount of toffee, brandy-snaps, bull's eyes,
+and Edinburgh rock that we absorbed in the course of this agreeable
+evening.
+
+'Enlivened, no doubt, by the thought that to-morrow was my birthday, my
+excitement was intense, and communicating itself to my prankful cronies,
+it electrified their old bones in the most amazing manner.
+
+'How long we should have kept it up, it is, of course, impossible for me
+to say, but we were suddenly brought to a standstill by a loud knocking
+on the door of the shed and the sound of a great concourse of people on
+the other side. On opening the door I nearly fainted in my horror, for
+whom should I behold but the King of Persia and all his court, and as
+far as the eye could reach the faces of the Trojans all lit up by the
+morning sun, staring intently at the shed. Alas, we had eaten the old
+cock, our only timepiece, many hours ago, and without our knowledge the
+day had dawned and grown to midday.
+
+'Who shall describe my profound mortification, as I observed the look of
+sorrow on the King of Persia's noble countenance, or the distress with
+which I viewed the agonised disappointment of my subjects as they beheld
+their king, whom they one and all delighted to honour, playing leap-frog
+in a hen-house.
+
+'It appeared that on the arrival of the King of Persia, they had all
+proceeded in lordly procession with bands playing and flags flying to
+the throne-room, and not finding me there they had hunted everywhere for
+me, high and low, until at last, guided by the sounds of revelry in the
+hen-house, they discovered my wretched self in the ignominious position
+I have already described.
+
+'I was now seized by two of the Persian guards at the command of their
+monarch and marched off to the Palace, a lane being opened for me
+through the crowds of my silent and sorrowing subjects.
+
+'A council was very hurriedly called together, at which it was decided
+that I should be banished for ever from the city of Troy for so
+demeaning the exalted position to which I had been elevated, by my
+frolics in the hen-house, and that henceforth the King of Persia should
+reign in my stead.
+
+'Stripping my royal robes from me (they were compelled to leave my crown
+on, for it was so firmly fixed that it would not come off, try as they
+would), they now bandaged my eyes, and, with the only baggage I was
+allowed to take, tied up in an old patch-work quilt, they led me forth.
+Past crowds of my subjects, who now gave way to the most heartfelt
+sorrow, I was led, through the old gates of my beloved city and far out
+into the country. After we had travelled for about thirty miles my
+conductors at last removed the bandage from my eyes and left me to my
+despair, alone in the wilderness.
+
+'Sinking to the ground, I wept bitterly for three-quarters of an hour,
+when hunger beginning to assert itself, I started upon this long
+journey, which has at length brought me to you.
+
+'For many months have I travelled, often compelled to ask the way or beg
+assistance of the merest strangers, until at last,' concluded the old
+gentleman, 'as I was resting to-day in the shadow of this rick, I saw
+you all coming over the hill, and mistaking you for the legions of the
+King of Persia sent to hunt me down, I hid myself in the top of the
+rick.'
+
+Bill and all his charges were deeply moved at so harrowing a tale, and
+willingly proffered any assistance they were capable of rendering to the
+unhappy old boy.
+
+[Illustration: The King of Troy compelled to ask his way]
+
+The King of Troy, now assured of the good faith of his new friends,
+unfolded to them a scheme he had formed to raise an army and to march on
+Troy, and so recover, if possible, his lost power. Bill at once offered
+his services and was created commander-in-chief on the spot, and calling
+for volunteers, was answered by one great shout of joy from all his
+charges, every one of whom enlisted there and then in the new army of
+the King of Troy.
+
+Chad, Hannibal, Randall, Noah, Ratchett, Nero, Biddulph, and Knut were
+each promoted to the rank of officers as a matter of course, while the
+gentle Boadicea was deputed to look after the old King, whose comfort
+was now her greatest aim in life.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE ANCIENT MARINER]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE ANCIENT MARINER
+
+
+The next thing to be done was certainly to make the old King
+comfortable, so Bill took him home, and the good Chloe dosed him well
+with hot gruel, and made him put his feet in hot water, and sent him to
+bed. After remaining snugly tucked up for a few days, the cheerful old
+soul was ready and eager to start with his new army for Troy.
+
+In the meantime Bill, with the assistance of Crispin, had constructed a
+wonderful perambulator, in which the King could be conveyed with his
+luggage and such comforts as would be necessary for the old man during
+his progress.
+
+Having secured the permission of Crispin and Chloe, and of the other
+parents concerned (most of whom seemed only too glad to get rid of the
+lot), Bill, the King, and all the gallant young soldiers started on
+their adventurous journey. Loud were the shouts of admiration as the
+brave creatures marched down the village street; and at last, when they
+had entirely disappeared, the place seemed suddenly so quiet and dull
+that all retired to their bedrooms and gave way to tears.
+
+However, our duty is to follow the young braves. Having marched along
+the road across the Downs for some distance, they met the strangest
+couple,--a kind-looking old gentleman who, to judge from his appearance,
+had spent the greater part of his life upon the ocean, carrying in his
+arms, carefully and tenderly as though he were a frail young baby,
+another man, with the saddest and most thoughtful face that you ever
+beheld. Such touching kindness deeply affected all who witnessed it, and
+Bill at once greeted the good gentleman, and begged of him to account to
+them for his very strange appearance on the country road.
+
+'Sirs,' said the Ancient Mariner, as he placed his burden lovingly on
+the ground, 'my name is Jack, Plain Jack, and I am the ninth mate of the
+Swedish ship _Turnip_, a brig-rigged barquentine, that sailed from
+Cherry Garden Pier for Margate with a cargo of camels, in the year 1840,
+and has never since been heard of.
+
+'Though a born sailor, I succeeded my father in what was one of the best
+corn-chandler's businesses in that part of Barking. By my industry and
+thrift I, in time, so bettered my position and improved my business that
+I felt fully entitled to settle down and enter into the state of
+matrimony. For some years I had had my eye on the enchanting Jane
+Osbaldistone de Trevor, whose father kept a large brill farm by Barking
+Creek,--in fact, the largest of the many brill farms that used, in those
+days, to line the river from Limehouse Reach to Cherry Garden Pier.
+
+'His wealth and importance did not deter me from aspiring to the hand of
+his fascinating daughter; and why should they have done so? Was not I in
+the very promising position of owning the largest corn-chandler's store,
+from Wapping Old Stairs even as far down as Barking Creek? And then,
+again, was not I as well born as he, for did not my ancestors chandle
+corn in Barking long before the De Trevors had crossed the Channel, when
+they may, indeed, have earned a precarious livelihood by letting
+bathing-machines on the beach at Boulogne?
+
+'Nevertheless, on my broaching the subject to the old gentleman, he
+threw every conceivable obstacle in my way, and made conditions that
+were wellnigh impossible of being carried out. "If," said he, "you can
+bring to me, within the next few years, some object more wonderful than
+anything in the Bethnal Green Museum,--some object beside which St.
+Paul's Cathedral, the Monument, the Tower of London, or the Tower Bridge
+will be as uninteresting as an old one-bladed pocket-knife,--then you
+shall marry my daughter, but not otherwise"; and he chuckled to himself,
+knowing only too well that he had wellnigh dashed my hopes for ever.
+
+'But, after all, little did he know Plain Jack. Disappointed, but with
+some hope yet of claiming the lovely Jane, I sold my business for a
+considerable sum of money, which I took with me in my sea-chest, and
+signed on as Cabin Boy aboard the Swedish ship, _Turnip_, fully
+determined to travel all over the world, if necessary, in order to
+fulfil the conditions imposed upon me by the irritating old gentleman.
+
+'Foreseeing well how useful my superior officers might be to me in my
+quest, I resolved, as far as possible to deserve their good-will, and I
+behaved with such exemplary conduct that before we had passed Greenwich
+Hospital I was promoted to the rank of twelfth mate.
+
+'Still persevering in my good intentions, I performed many little acts
+of kindness, such as brewing the captain a cup of tea when he least
+expected it, and handing round to the officers and crew bars of colt's
+foot rock, a supply of which I took good care to bring with me. I
+repeat, so continually attentive was I, that, before we had passed the
+Nore, I was promoted to the rank of eleventh mate.
+
+'Off Herne Bay, I was still further able to gratify the captain and
+officers by pointing out to them the various public buildings and places
+of interest, which I had visited only last year during a delightful
+week-end trip. So delighted were they all that, before sighting Margate,
+I was promoted to the rank of tenth mate.
+
+'On arriving at Margate, numerous merchants came along the jetty in
+bath-chairs to examine our cargo. None, however, wanted to buy camels;
+all wanted donkeys for the sands. In spite of the captain's argument,
+that camels were much more used to sand than donkeys, having spent the
+best part of their lives on the sands of the desert, the merchants were
+obdurate, and we had to sail away again with our camels. We also now
+carried with us a shipload of Carraway Comfits, which we had purchased
+at Margate, hoping to be able to dispose of them at some port, and so
+compensate ourselves for the loss of business at Margate.
+
+[Illustration: I SIGN ON AS CABIN BOY]
+
+'For many days we sailed on and on, out through the Yarmouth Roads into
+the Persian Gulf, one incident alone standing out vividly in my memory
+during this part of the voyage. It was the dog watch, on a lovely summer
+evening; we were making little way, just sufficient to enliven the
+whitebait that leapt and prattled round our prow, or disturb a lazy
+brill that dozed upon our course. Here and there the spotted tunny
+would leap several yards from the sea, to descend again with a mighty
+smack upon the waters. From afar, borne upon the gentle breeze, came the
+low grizzle of the sperm-whale as it herded its young, or the thud of
+the mighty sword-fish, as it drove home the deadly weapon with which
+Nature, knowing its own ends, has provided him; while, mellowed by even
+greater distance, the high-pitched yell of the land-cod and the shriek
+of its maddened prey, could now and again be heard. I was lazily
+reclining among the peak halyards, whittling out a mermaid's head from
+a piece of hard-boiled gannet's egg, which I intended to send to Jane,
+should a passing vessel give me such an opportunity. Full of peace, and
+imbued with the calm that pervaded the sea and the sky, I was hardly
+prepared for the shock in store for me. Suddenly, without any warning, I
+was jerked from my position among the halyards, and flung head-first
+into the sea. Down, and down I went, until, nearly exhausted, I made one
+great effort to come to the surface. When at last I reached it, I found
+that from some unknown cause the ship had been tilted nearly on to its
+side, and thus had sent me almost to the bottom of the sea.
+
+'To climb on deck and ascertain the cause of the disaster was the work
+of a moment. It transpired that the cargo of carraway comfits had got
+shifted and was mixed up with the camels. The captain was asleep at the
+time, and every one else seemed to lose his wits, so I at once took the
+matter into my own hands, and descended into the hold with twelve picked
+men.
+
+'The plight of the camels was sad indeed to see. Some were fearfully
+chafed with the comfits, thus proving with what force the latter must
+have been showered upon them by the shifting of the cargo. Fortunately,
+however, although it was very black in the ship's hold, the camels were
+easily distinguished from the comfits, and it was only a work of
+patience and a little time to sift them and so right the ship again.
+
+'When the captain awakened and learnt how I had saved the ship, his
+gratitude knew no bounds, and he still further promoted me by making me
+his ninth mate.
+
+'For years we sailed from port to port, taking in one cargo here,
+another there, occasionally with some advantage to ourselves, but more
+often with none at all, and never with any good fortune attending me in
+my quest. When we were about thirty days' sail out from Guatemala, and,
+as far as I could tell, in latitude 195 and longitude 350 (that is,
+about 60 degrees east of the Equator), we encountered a storm which
+brought me to the successful accomplishment of my quest. It was four
+bells and my watch below, so I had gone aloft in the mizzen shrouds, and
+with my feet resting idly on the top-gallant backstay, holding securely
+to the weather topsail reeftackle, I munched a tunny sandwich, a few of
+which I had prevailed upon the steward to cut for me. Under a clear sky,
+we were making roughly, I should say, about 335 knots, and it was
+already blowing half a gale; a choppy sea was running, yet, except for
+the clots of spindrift, that now and again hurtled against the mast,
+there was no real promise of the storm to come; so I went on with my
+sandwiches.
+
+'We were now sailing close-hauled under double-reefed main storm
+topsails and fore and aft main staysails, keeping a good course and
+shipping very little water, when, suddenly, I beheld on the horizon,
+well to windward, a little cloud no larger than a tomato,--the English
+tomato, I mean, not the foreign species, though it rapidly attained that
+size. It grew larger and larger until it was quite the size of a
+full-grown vegetable marrow; yet, little recking that it contained the
+seeds of the terrible tempest that was so soon to overwhelm us, I still
+went on with my sandwiches.
+
+[Illustration: I WENT ON WITH MY SANDWICHES]
+
+'Presently the gale increased, and the seas swelled up to the size of
+Ludgate Hill. Whole shoals of the passive skate arose to the surface and
+flopped warningly about our vessel. To leeward could be seen flocks of
+the wild sea shrike, whose ominous bark could be distinctly heard above
+the snort of the coming tempest. By now the cloud had half filled the
+heavens; the seas rose higher and higher; the din was terrific, as the
+wind tore from the sea shoal upon shoal of the shy sardine and whirled
+them through the air. Soon the ship was drenched in the high seas that
+continually broke over her and the quarts and quarts of rain that
+wolloped from the dense cloud now covering the whole sky and blotting
+out all light.
+
+'At last came the order from the captain, who now realised the danger
+that threatened his vessel. "Up helm," roared he, through his
+speaking-trumpet, "clew up the lee braces of the topsail halyards; haul
+out the reef tackle and brail up the spanker." But the command came too
+late. The fore-topsail studding booms went by the board, carrying with
+them the bowsprit, the main mast, the fo'c's'le, the top-gallant
+studding-sail halyard, and the captain's tobacco-pouch, which had been
+placed upon the bowsprit earlier in the afternoon. Nothing could now be
+seen except, here and there, the gleam on some fish as it was whirled,
+with the masts, men, boots, screws, sharks, thimbles, sea anemones,
+watch-chains, ship's stores, planks, and other miscellaneous objects,
+through the sky. I had barely finished my last sandwich when, lo,
+everything became a blank to me and I lost all consciousness.
+
+'How long I remained thus I cannot say, but I awakened on the sandy
+shore of some island, upon which I had been thrown by the force of the
+wind. Nothing could I see of my companions: a few planks and spars and
+my own wretched self were all that remained to tell the tale of the good
+ship _Turnip_.
+
+'The wind had dropped, and it was a beautiful morning, not a trace of
+the storm remaining, only here and there the panting of the crayfish, as
+they nestled behind the rocks, or the gasping of the oysters telling of
+the strain they had undergone. I gazed along the shore in each
+direction, hoping to discover a bathing-machine, and so satisfy myself
+that the island was inhabited. Nothing was in sight, however, so I lay
+down again and dozed. When I awoke once more it was high noon, and the
+vertical rays of the sun warned me that it was time to take shelter. I
+raised myself on one arm with this intention, when I became aware of a
+strange figure, dressed in a long robe and with a great turban, who was
+seated on a rock near by, gazing out to sea.
+
+'I got to my feet with considerable difficulty as I was faint with
+hunger and stiff in the limbs, and was about to approach the object,
+when I discovered two more figures, who evidently had the same
+intention. Seemingly they did not wish to be observed by the singular
+creature I have already described, for they were stealthily approaching
+him from behind, creeping from rock to rock. I at once stooped down
+behind a great star-fish, determined to watch unobserved.
+
+'I now noticed that both were savages, and that one of them held close
+to his body an old, rusty kitchen-range; while the other carried, in one
+hand, a basket of coals, and with the other supported a huge, iron
+sauce-pan across his shoulders. Nearer and nearer drew the cannibals (as
+I soon guessed them to be) to their intended victim, who, however,
+either because he did not hear them, or did not dread them, took no
+notice at all. Presently they were crouching down behind him, and he was
+still apparently unconscious of their presence. Then, with a wild whoop
+they leapt into the air, and dropped on the ground in front of him. Even
+now the amazing creature took no notice of the cannibals or their
+antics, as they danced and yelled around him. Soon realising that there
+was something very unusual in his reception of them, they stared in awe
+and amazement at him for some time, and then fled in terror, leaving the
+saucepan, the kitchen-range and the other cooking utensils behind them.
+
+'They ran along the sands, and dropped behind a rock at a great distance
+away, where they remained completely hidden for some long time.
+Presently, however, one black head appeared for an instant above the
+rock, and gazed in the direction of the thoughtful creature by the sea.
+This head was very quickly withdrawn from view and another popped
+up,--only to disappear as quickly. Then the first appeared again, and so
+on. This continued until they had regained a little of their nerve, when
+I could see them once more crawling back to the abstracted figure on the
+shore. Again they drew very close to him, and now that they had
+sufficiently mastered their fears, they approached and examined him very
+closely, and proceeded at once to prepare their evening meal. First of
+all they lit the fire, then they carefully placed their unresisting
+victim in the saucepan, after filling it with water from the sea, and
+were just about to lift it on to the range when I lost all patience, and
+shouted from my hiding-place, "Hold!" so many times in quick succession,
+and each time in a different tone of voice, that the cannibals must have
+thought there were at least thirty men or more in hiding. At any rate,
+they fled in the most abject terror, never to return.
+
+'Giving them good time to disappear, I now emerged from my hiding-place
+and approached the absent-minded creature, gently lifting him from the
+saucepan, in which I found him still sitting and gazing out to sea.
+Gathering together many sea-urchins, rock-beetles, and branches of a
+succulent sea-weed, with which the beach had been strewn by the recent
+storm, I prepared an exquisite stew, and made a very hearty meal. I was
+also able to induce my companion to take some, without, however,
+succeeding in breaking his train of thought.
+
+[Illustration: FOR YEARS WE SAILED]
+
+'For many months no other friend had I than this preoccupied curiosity,
+who seemed quite unable to give me any clue as to who he was or whence
+he came. Perhaps he had been shipwrecked there in childhood--who
+knows?--and wandered there ever since, the wonder of every limpet or
+lugworm that squirmed upon those shores, or the sport of every mer-kid
+that flipped a fin in those unknown waters.
+
+'To cut a long story short, I soon realised that here was the object I
+was in search of, and that if this dreamy creature did not sufficiently
+astonish old De Trevor, and compel him to consent to my marrying his
+daughter, nothing on this earth would do the deed, so I resolved to
+leave the island with my treasure as soon as I could make it possible to
+do so. I set about making a raft, which I quickly succeeded in
+completing, having since my childhood had a great knack at the making of
+rafts, and, without undue delay, I embarked with my prize, provisioned
+with as many shell-fish and branches of the succulent sea-weed as the
+raft would carry.
+
+'After some few months, and just as we had finished our last limpet, we
+had the good fortune to be picked up by a tramp-steamer, bound for
+Saskatchewan from Mombasa, with a cargo of periwinkles. The captain was
+such a kind-hearted man that, on hearing my story he decided to go out
+of his course, and land us at Cherry Garden Pier; and so, my good
+friends, after sixty years' sailing all over the globe, I arrived home
+again, a poorer but a kinder man.
+
+[Illustration: The sport of every mer-kid]
+
+'You may be sure that I lost no time in seeking out Jane herself, with
+every hope of at last being able to claim her hand, but alas!
+gentlemen,' said the Ancient Mariner, with a large, salt tear about to
+fall from each eye, and as he once more tenderly lifted his burden, 'I
+was to find that Jane had become a very, very old woman, with many
+little grandchildren of her own, and that she had entirely
+forgotten my existence. She had me turned away from her doorstep as a
+raving madman, even with my interesting, absent-minded, and inseparable
+companion.
+
+'Thus, Good Sirs, I have to start life anew, and if my great experience
+should be of any service to you, believe me, it is yours to command.'
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE TRIPLETS]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE TRIPLETS
+
+
+Right gladly were the services of the plucky old salt accepted by the
+gallant little band, and taking it in turns to relieve him of his
+burden, they jovially marched along. The way was enlivened by many a
+good chorus, until the old King complained of a headache, when every one
+had to be quiet and talk only in quite a low tone, while Boadicea
+soothed the old fidget, and lulled him to sleep, by removing his crown
+and gently stroking the top of his head with a mint leaf, rolled into a
+little ball, and fastened to the end of a stem of sweet-briar. He
+awakened shortly after tea, very much refreshed for his nap, and every
+one grew merry again.
+
+He now, however, considerably delayed the progress of the expedition by
+insisting on running after butterflies, and trying to catch them in his
+crown. Though anxious enough to continue their journey, all the army
+awaited with great patience the pleasure of the old sportsman. At length
+Knut, who had been eagerly watching the King for some time, as he
+frisked about the fields after the brightly-coloured insects, could not
+restrain himself from doing likewise. Now Hannibal joined in the sport,
+then Quentin, then Noah, then Ratchett, and, so exciting did the chase
+become, soon all the force were frantically running about the fields
+with the lively monarch, while Boadicea remained by the carriage and
+darned his old stockings.
+
+At last the King grew tired, and they all came back to the road and
+resumed their march. The tiresome sovereign now insisted on the Ancient
+Mariner removing his burden to the rear, complaining that the
+absent-minded creature would stare at him, and that he did not wish to
+be gazed at or wondered at. 'Time enough for that,' said he, 'when I'm
+on my throne again.' Having effected this change in the order of the
+procession, they now marched on without further interruption from the
+King.
+
+Towards nightfall they drew near to the sea, on the shores of which they
+hoped to spend the night. Bill being, as usual, a little in advance of
+the others, was the first to descend to the sands, seated on which he
+discovered, to his great astonishment, three young children weeping
+bitterly, and near to them, in the same state of grief, he beheld an
+old gentleman seated upon a rock. But what aroused his astonishment even
+more than their extreme wretchedness, was the fact that the three
+children were all exactly alike in every particular,--the same size, the
+same hair, the same eyes,--in fact, there was no perceptible difference
+of any kind between them. Now and again, one of the children would
+endeavour to comfort the old man, and he again would attempt to perform
+the like kindly office for them. Wondering what could so upset such
+worthy creatures, Bill approached and besought them to confide to him
+their troubles, that he might try to relieve them to the best of his
+ability. Their tears, however, effectually prevented them from replying
+at once to him. Giving them a little time to recover, Bill again
+addressed them. 'Who are you?' said he, and they all answered between
+their sobs, 'We are the Duchess of Blowdripping and her two sisters,
+Mellinid and Edil.'
+
+'Which of you,' asked Bill, 'is the Duchess?'
+
+'That's what we don't know,' they replied. 'We only know that she is
+neither Mellinid nor Edil.'
+
+'Then who of you is Mellinid, and who Edil?' again queried the puzzled
+Bill.
+
+'That's what all the trouble's about,' they tearfully rejoined. 'All we
+can tell you for certain is that neither of them is the Duchess,' and
+the poor little creatures redoubled their cries.
+
+More puzzled than ever, and quite at a loss to find any clue to their
+troubles, Bill again besought them to relieve their minds by confiding
+in him. Then one of the little creatures stood up and, after drying her
+eyes, addressed Bill in the following way:--
+
+[Illustration: ENDEAVOURING TO COMFORT THE OLD MAN]
+
+'As you have most likely guessed, we are triplets, and were christened
+Blaura, Mellinid and Edil, after three great-aunts renowned for their
+intelligence and their many virtues. From our earliest days we were so
+much alike that each had to wear a different coloured hair-ribbon to
+distinguish her from her sisters. Blaura wore red, Mellinid blue, and
+Edil green. Our affectionate parents, the late Duke and Duchess of
+Blowdripping, died when we were barely six months old, and we were all
+left in charge of our uncle, the benevolent gentleman you see weeping on
+my left. Before the thoughtful creatures expired, feeling that their end
+was drawing near, they were faced with the difficult problem as to which
+of us should be the new Duchess; all of us, as I have said before, being
+of the same age. Of course, I need not tell you that it was quite out of
+the question we should all inherit the title; three young ladies trying
+to be one duchess would be absurd in the extreme. So our intelligent and
+resourceful mother and father decided, after much deliberation with the
+family solicitor, and the vicar of the parish, that Blaura should
+succeed to the title and all the dignities of the Duchy of Blowdripping
+when she arrived at the age of eight years, and that, at the same time,
+Mellinid should become the owner of Blowdripping Hall, with its
+priceless collections of pictures, old china, fossils and foreign
+stamps, and Edil become the possessor of the Blowdripping Park, in which
+the Hall is so pleasantly situated, with its herds of hedgehogs, elands
+and gnu. I am sure you will agree with me that no more just division of
+their great possessions could have been devised by the fair-minded
+couple. Our uncle was kindness itself, ever watching us with the
+affectionate care of a mother. He was always at hand to look to our
+comforts, and to see that no danger drew nigh, whether we were bathing
+in the marble fountains of the courtyard, taking the air in the park, or
+sleeping in our tastefully-decorated bedroom.
+
+'One beautiful summer's afternoon, when we were about one year old, we
+had been taken on to the verandah to enjoy our afternoon nap, in order
+that we might have advantage of the delightful breeze that blew across
+the woods from the sea. As usual our uncle was near by, and so soothing
+was the air that, unable to resist its drowsy influence, he, too, soon
+dozed off. Unfortunately we awakened before our unconscious nurse, and
+immediately rolled out of our cradles, and crawled along the pavement of
+the verandah. Great sport we had, I have no doubt, as children will, and
+certain it is that, attracted by their brilliant colours, we lost no
+time in removing from each other's heads our distinguishing ribbons, and
+speedily mixing them up. However, at length, and too late, our baby
+laughter awakened the old gentleman from his sleep. Too great for words
+was the astonishment of the unhappy man when he beheld us all shuffled
+up and mixed in this deplorable way upon the pavement. Bitterly he
+accused himself of wicked negligence for allowing such a thing to
+happen, for so alike were we without our distinguishing ribbons, that he
+could never hope to know one from the other again. He thought, and
+thought, and thought for the whole afternoon, but at the end he was no
+nearer discovering again which was the future Duchess, which Mellinid,
+and which Edil. At last, he gave it up in despair. Henceforth we were
+known only collectively as the future Duchess and her two sisters, but
+which is the Duchess, and which the two sisters, will remain for ever a
+mystery.
+
+[Illustration: WE GREW UP IN COMPARATIVE HAPPINESS]
+
+[Illustration: He was always at hand]
+
+'Nevertheless, we grew up in comparative happiness until yesterday, the
+fateful day when we all became eight years of age. Before
+breakfast, and with all due solemnity, our faithful uncle handed over to
+us the control and guardianship of the Blowdripping possessions, which
+had been entrusted to him until we should arrive at our present age,
+but, alas! we could not avail ourselves of the good provision made for
+us by our thoughtful parents, as neither one of us knew which of us we
+were. The Duchess, as head of the family, could not give her consent to
+anything, or advance any money for the housekeeping as, for all she
+knew, she might be one of her own sisters, in which case she would have
+been touching that which did not rightly belong to her. For the same
+reason Mellinid, not knowing who she herself was, could not give her
+consent to our remaining at the Hall, and likewise Edil could not allow
+the magnificent house still to occupy its lovely situation in the
+Blowdripping Park. After talking the matter over, and over again, we
+have come to the conclusion that, without the permission of the proper
+owners, which, you will see, it is impossible for us to obtain, the only
+course open to us was to abandon our riches, and to leave the park and
+the castle for ever. Our good uncle, putting all the blame for our
+troubles upon his own negligence, insisted on accompanying us.'
+
+At the conclusion of this strange story Bill was certainly aghast at the
+very difficult problem put before him, and quite at a loss to offer any
+solution. He therefore conducted the trembling triplets and their
+grief-stricken uncle before the King, who had in the meantime arrived
+upon the shore. Bill explained the difficult position in which the poor
+young things found themselves; but, wise as he undoubtedly was, the King
+for some time could make nothing whatever of it. He called all his
+officers and soldiers round him, and they formed one great semicircle,
+of which he was the centre; the triplets were then placed before him,
+and he at once proceeded to question them.
+
+'Have you,' said he, addressing the first triplet, 'any idea as to which
+of the three of you you really are?'
+
+'None whatever,' answered the child.
+
+He then repeated the same question to the other triplets, and received
+the same answer.
+
+'Come now,' continued the King, in a cheerful voice, 'does any one of
+you feel at all like a duchess?'
+
+'We don't know how a duchess should feel,' they all replied.
+
+The King here frowned severely and ground his teeth.
+
+'Now, one of you must be telling an untruth,' said he, 'for one of you,
+as you say, is the Duchess, and must know exactly how she feels, which
+must be how a duchess feels. Come now, which of you is she?' And the
+quick-tempered monarch knit his brows into the most terrible folds.
+'Unless that one is one of her own sisters and not the Duchess,' he
+roared, 'she ought to be ashamed of her deceit, and severely punished;
+and if, indeed, she is not the Duchess, then she ought to be punished
+all the same. I've half a mind to have the three of you smacked hard,
+that I may at least be certain of punishing the right one.'
+
+Bill suggested timidly that perhaps this would be rather unfair, as two
+of them at least would be unjustly punished.
+
+'But which two?' snapped the irritated King. 'How can any of them feel
+unjustly treated if she doesn't know whether she's the guilty one or
+not?' And he worked himself into a terrible fury, and strode up and down
+the sands, no one daring to approach him. Suddenly, without any warning
+of his intention, he ran down to the sea, and removing his shoes and
+stockings, cooled his temper by paddling his feet in the sea-water. In a
+little time he returned, his excitement much allayed, and soon the cries
+of the distracted and unhappy triplets, together with the pitiful sighs
+of the dejected uncle, entirely assuaged the wrath of the sympathetic,
+though quick-tempered, old man.
+
+When he once more resumed his place before the three children the storm
+had passed, and a sweet, good-natured smile enlivened his homely old
+face, and charmed all beholders.
+
+'Well, well, well,' said he, 'triplets will be triplets after all, and
+uncles uncles, all the world over.'
+
+He at once resumed the inquiry, and placing his hand kindly on the head
+of the second triplet he now addressed the first in the following way:--
+
+'Let us suppose for the moment that you happen to know which of your
+sisters this particular one really is, who, in that case, would the
+third one be, if she (the third) were not Mellinid?'
+
+'Either Edil or the Duchess,' promptly replied the intelligent child.
+
+'Quite right,' said the King encouragingly, 'Now as this is not so, and
+you certainly do not know which of your sisters this one happens to be,
+the reverse must be true, so that if your other sister is neither Edil
+nor the Duchess, who must she be?'
+
+'Mellinid, of course,' readily answered the child, and every one
+applauded and wondered at the wisdom of the King.
+
+'It only now remains,' proceeded the King, addressing the first and
+second triplets 'to discover which of you is Edil and which the
+Duchess.' Placing his hand once more upon the head of the second
+triplet, he again addressed the first.
+
+'Suppose, for the sake of argument, that this sister of yours whom we
+now know not to be Mellinid were Mellinid and Mellinid the Duchess, in
+that case you would assuredly be Edil. Now as you cannot suppose this
+sister to be Mellinid when you know she is not, and the Duchess is the
+Duchess and not Mellinid, then our supposition must be wrong and the
+reverse true, so that Mellinid remains Mellinid and, as we say you are
+not Edil, then this little girl must be she.' Then shaking the first
+triplet by the hand, the complacent old potentate said in
+conclusion:--'And you, my dear creature, are thus proved to be neither
+Edil nor Mellinid but Blaura, the charming Duchess of Blowdripping, to
+whom I offer my hearty congratulations.' The cheerful soul now embraced
+the three children, and when he had a hand free he slapped the old
+uncle, who now looked the very picture of happiness, several times upon
+the back.
+
+[Illustration: THE TRIPLETS ACCOMPANY THE ARMY]
+
+Cheers were raised again and again at the unheard-of wisdom of the King
+of Troy. The old uncle completely exhausted himself by leaping high into
+the air over and over again, while the triplets were beyond themselves
+with joy at such a successful end to their troubles.
+
+So delighted were the triplets with their new friends that, during
+breakfast the next morning, they announced their intention of
+accompanying them to their journey's end, and entrusted the care of the
+Blowdripping estate to their old uncle until they should return. The
+camp packed up and when every one was ready to continue the journey,
+they all took an affectionate leave of the old man and marched on.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: GOOD AUNT GALLADIA]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+GOOD AUNT GALLADIA
+
+
+At first the King seemed disposed to be not a little irritable towards
+the triplets, murmuring something to himself about the extra expense. A
+good lunch, however, soon put him to rights, and he was his old cheerful
+self again.
+
+In the afternoon they met upon the road a long thin man with a grin of
+the greatest self-satisfaction widening his otherwise narrow face. In
+one hand he carried a cage containing a miserable old bird that could
+hardly boast an egg-cupful of feathers on its whole shrivelled body; in
+the other he carried a large wooden box. He very good-naturedly stood
+aside for the army to move on, but the King, whose curiosity had been
+aroused, would not allow him to be passed unquestioned, so he rang a
+little bell he always carried with him for the purpose, and the whole
+force at once stopped short. In obedience to a signal from the King, the
+long man stepped jauntily before him. 'Anything wrong, old chirpy?' said
+he, addressing the King rather rudely as some thought. 'Not with me,'
+the King replied with much dignity. 'My only reason for calling you
+before me is to learn why you are so extremely pleased with yourself.
+Such a secret would be of the greatest value to us all.' 'Because she's
+given these back to me,' answered the long fellow as he opened his box
+and disclosed, all neatly arranged, a beautiful collection of birds'
+eggs. Every kind appeared to be there, and all of the most beautiful
+colours imaginable.
+
+'But who is she?' queried the King.
+
+'Why, my good Aunt Galladia, of course, but it's too long a story to
+tell standing up, so let us sit down by the roadside, and you shall hear
+all about it.'
+
+Every one now seated themselves on the grass by the side of the road and
+over a comforting cup of tea, speedily brewed by Boadicea, the long man
+began his story:--
+
+'My good aunt's full name was Galladia Glowmutton, and she was the only
+daughter of that gallant general, Sir Francis Melville Glowmutton, who
+distinguished himself so greatly in the defence of his country.
+
+'It was my good fortune to spend my earliest days in this good
+creature's company, she, noble soul that she was, having undertaken to
+look after me when my poor father and mother disappeared in a sand-storm
+many years before.
+
+'The greater part of her life this good woman had devoted to brightening
+the declining years of her well-loved father, whose arduous life, poor
+man, had left him in his old age, truth to tell, rather a tiresome, and
+sometimes a difficult, subject to get on with. However, thanks to her
+devotion and patience, he led a tolerably happy life. In the course of
+time the old warrior died and left the sorrowing lady well provided
+for,--that is, over and beyond necessaries, with sufficient money to
+keep up appearances, and even enough for her simple pleasures and
+hobbies.
+
+'For some months my good aunt could not fill the blank in her life left
+by the loss of her father. So much kindness, however, could not be kept
+back for long, and was bound in the course of time to find its object.
+Always with a love for every feathered creature, she at last set about
+gathering around her as complete a collection of them as she could
+obtain. Soon she had in her aviaries the most marvellous assembly of
+birds ever brought together even at the Zoo. There were specimens of the
+Paraguay gull, Borneo parrots, Australian gheck ghees, the laughing
+grete, Malay anchovy wren that only feeds upon anchovies (and very
+amusing indeed it is, too, to watch them spearing the little fish with
+their beaks and then trying to shake them off again), and the
+golden-crested mussel hawk, that swoops down from an incredible height
+and, snatching its prey from the rocks, again disappears in the sky.
+Without wearying you with a long list, nearly every known bird was
+represented in my aunt's collection, from the fierce saw-beaked stork of
+Tuscaroca to the mild and pretty little Gossawary chick.
+
+'Much as she prized every one of her pets, she loved most of all the
+very rare and beautiful green-toed button crane of Baraboo. So fond was
+she of the stately creature, and so careful of its every comfort, that
+she employed a maid to wait on it alone, and a special cook to prepare
+its meal of Peruvian yap beans, the delicious and tender kernels of
+which the dainty creature was inordinately fond of,--and, indeed, they
+were the only food upon which it throve.
+
+'Now, with your permission, a few words about myself. Like my aunt I,
+too, had birdish leanings, but unlike her in this, that instead of birds
+I collected birds' eggs, of which I had a vast number of every
+conceivable variety. Ashamed as I am to state it, little did my good
+Aunt Galladia know how many of the valuable specimens in my collection
+were taken from her aviaries. Nevertheless she viewed my specimens with
+growing suspicion, until at last she implicitly forbade me to collect
+any more. For a time I desisted, and merely contented myself with
+gloating over my already vast collection, but in a little while
+temptation became too strong for me and I resumed my pursuits.
+
+'One afternoon about this time I had mounted a tall tree in the
+Glowmutton Park, intent on obtaining the contents of a nest built in its
+highest branches. For some time I was unable to approach the nest, but
+at length, by dint of much perseverance, I just managed to reach my hand
+over the top, and took therefrom three beautiful eggs, of a kind as yet
+unrepresented in my collection. So occupied was I with my prize, that I
+did not at first observe what was taking place beneath the tree. But on
+beginning to descend, I saw to my horror immediately below me, my Aunt
+Galladia and her pet crane seated at tea, with the crane's maid in
+attendance.
+
+[Illustration: I JUST MANAGED TO REACH THE EGGS]
+
+'Needless to say I did not continue my descent, but climbed out to the
+end of a branch, high over the group. I waited in dreadful suspense in
+the hope that my aunt would not look up, and that they would soon finish
+their meal and depart as quickly as they had arrived, but, alas! they
+were in no hurry. I trembled now so much that I could hear the leaves
+rustling on the branch, and whether it was that in my fear I loosened my
+hold, or that the branch shook so under my trembling form, or whether
+the sight of a beautiful plum cake, directly over which I was poised,
+made me lose my nerve, I know not, but certain it is that I fell from my
+position right on to the table. Both my aunt and the maid fainted at
+once quite away, and the timid green-toed button crane of Baraboo was in
+such a terrible flutter that in its excitement it snapped the slender
+gold chain that held it and flew into the sky, where it was soon lost to
+view. "Now I've done it," thought I, and, no doubt, should have run away
+had I been able to move, but I was so bruised that I was compelled to
+remain among the shattered remains of the table and tea things.
+Presently the maid came to, and then my aunt, and nothing could exceed
+her rage and grief at losing her valuable pet. They took me home between
+them and put me to bed, and the severest punishment they could devise
+was to take away from me my lovely collection of eggs. "Never,"
+shrieked my wrathful aunt, "shall you have these again until you bring
+back to me my beautiful crane."
+
+[Illustration: I ANGLE THE AIR]
+
+'After a while I recovered, but no one dared to speak to me, and I moped
+about the house in solitary wretchedness without a single egg to
+contemplate.
+
+'At last I could bear it no longer, and one night I left the house
+determined never to return again without the crane. I took with me an
+old perambulator, in which I had been wheeled about as a child, and
+in this I placed six of the delicious kernels of the Peruvian yap bean,
+besides a hatchet and other things which I thought might be useful on my
+journey. I slept in the forest and, on the following morning I cut down
+the straightest tree I could find for my purpose, trimmed it to a fine
+long pole, and on the very top of this I fastened a pin, bent to the
+form of a fish-hook, which I now baited with one of the yap kernels.
+
+[Illustration: I fell from my position]
+
+[Illustration: I ERECTED MY POLE ON THE SANDS]
+
+'"If anything will attract the bird, this will," thought I, having
+fastened the foot of the pole to my perambulator. I now proceeded to
+angle the air for the lost crane. Carefully following the direction I
+had observed the bird to take when it broke away from its chain, I
+travelled for weeks and weeks, without seeing any sign of it. In time,
+without even a nibble, the first kernel was dissolved and worn away by
+the wind and rain, and, in like manner the same fate overcame the
+second, with which I baited my hook; then the third, then the fourth,
+and then the fifth.
+
+'Still keeping the same direction, by this time I had arrived at the
+very edge of the world, beyond which there is nothing but sea and sky.
+Believing that the poor creature had flown out over this lonely sea, and
+hoping that it might return when it realised that there was no land
+beyond, I determined to wait on the desolate shore.
+
+'I now erected my pole on the sands, after once more baiting my hook,
+this time with a piece of my last kernel, having taken the precaution of
+cutting it into six pieces. I now waited patiently, week after week,
+subsisting on the oysters, the starfish, and the edible crustaceans,
+that wandered tamely about the shore. Months now passed by, and, one by
+one, the five pieces of my last yap kernel had followed the other five
+kernels with which I had set out from home. I am not easily beaten,
+however, and though many months had passed by without my meeting with
+any success, I would not give in, but husbanded my last piece of bait
+with the greatest care. I cut a chip of wood from my angling pole, and
+shaped it in the form of a kernel of the Peruvian yap bean. This I
+rubbed well all over with the tiny piece of the real kernel that yet
+remained to me, until it assumed somewhat the colour of the original
+bean and, certainly, when applied to the tip of the tongue, it appeared
+to partake, though very slightly, it is true, of the original flavour,
+and with this I once more baited my hook.
+
+[Illustration: ITS OLD STATELY SELF AGAIN]
+
+'By this means I made my last piece of bean last for some years, for as
+soon as the artificial bean had lost its flavour, I rubbed it up again
+with the real one. But even this could not go on for ever, and, at last,
+the true piece was worn right away; so, to preserve what little flavour
+there yet remained of the true bean in the false bean, on which it had
+been so often rubbed, I soaked it for six days in a large shell of
+rain-water. In the meantime I cut another chip from my pole, and spent
+nearly six days in carving out another artificial kernel. Before
+baiting my hook with this, I dipped it into the fluid in which the old
+wooden kernel was still soaking, whence it received a very very faint
+suggestion of the original flavour, but so faint was this that it had to
+be redipped three times a day. This went on for some time, until the
+precious liquor began to run low, and I was compelled to dilute it still
+further, in the proportion of about five drops to a mussel-shellful of
+water, into which the wooden kernel was now dipped ten or twelve times a
+day.
+
+'Well, I had been at this game, I should say, getting on for twenty
+years, and now resolved to have done with it, after risking all on one
+throw. So I dropped my wooden kernel, all rotted and weather-beaten as
+it was, into what little there remained over of the pure liquor, this
+time without diluting it at all, and then let it stew all day in the
+sun.
+
+'In the evening the liquor was all evaporated, and the wooden bean
+seemed to the taste as though it possibly might have been in the
+vicinity of a real one some time before. On that evening, for the last
+time, I baited my hook and slept soundly at the foot of the pole.
+
+'I was awakened next morning by the wind that had arisen during the
+night, and a great wrenching noise, as it tore my poor old angling-pole
+from its place in the sand, and carried it out to sea.
+
+'"That settles it once and for all," thought I, much relieved, "and I'm
+off home," and I set about getting my things together. While I was thus
+engaged, it occurred to me that the old pole might be useful for fires,
+so I swam out for it. Already it had been blown some way out to sea,
+and, as the tide was against me, it was only with a very great exertion
+of strength that I gained at all upon it, and I was just about to give
+it up when I beheld, fastened to the bent pin at the end of the pole,
+the wretched crane. The sight lent me greater strength, and, after
+incredible exertions, I reached the pole almost exhausted. We were now
+too far from the shore to attempt to return, so I got astride the pole,
+and immediately proceeded to unfasten the unhappy fowl from my bent pin.
+At first I thought the poor thing dead, but I nursed it in my arms all
+through the ensuing night, and, on the following morning, happening to
+glance down its half-opened beak, I could just see that my wooden
+imitation of the kernel of the Peruvian yap bean had become lodged in
+its throat. This I at once removed, and, to my great joy, the dejected
+fowl almost immediately opened its eyes. Soon it became its old stately
+self again, though now I could see that the poor thing had aged very
+considerably since it left home.
+
+'Well, to cut a long story short, at length the gale ceased, and we
+landed safely on the shore, much nearer to our home, and, after many
+vicissitudes and adventures, of which I shall have great pleasure in
+telling you at another time, we eventually arrived at Glowmutton
+Castle.
+
+'To my grief I learnt that my good aunt, Galladia, had died many years
+before of old age, and that, true to her own good-nature, her last
+commands were that if ever I should return with her dearly-loved fowl,
+my collection of eggs was to be handed back to me, and in recompense for
+all my privations and exertions to recover the bird, I was to have the
+care of it and the comfort of its society as long as it lived. So, now
+you see why I am so pleased with myself.'
+
+The King and the whole army were charmed with the recital, and the long
+man, whose many noble qualities had already endeared him to them, was
+cordially invited to join the forces.
+
+'It's all one to me, my cronies,' said the good-natured creature, and
+they all trudged on.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE DOCTOR]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE DOCTOR
+
+
+For many days they had now travelled without meeting with any adventure,
+when one evening they saw coming towards them a bright young lad, who
+was leading by the hand an exceedingly learned-looking old gentleman.
+Their appearance was such as to arouse the King's curiosity to such a
+degree that he asked the boy the time as he was passing, and then, when
+all stood still in the road, he led the talk from one thing to another
+until at last, emboldened by their friendliness, the King came to the
+point, and asked the lad who he was and whence he had come.
+
+The two strangers then sat down at the side of the road, and the lad
+thus addressed the King:--
+
+'You may not believe it, but I am the original Ptolemy Jenkinson, the
+only and well-beloved nephew of that great and celebrated doctor,
+Ebenezer Scrout, whom you now see at my side. When, a trembling orphan,
+I was thrown upon an unfeeling world, he alone of my numerous uncles,
+aunts, so-called friends and guardians, undertook to find me a
+comfortable and even luxurious home, and so to educate me that I might
+prove worthy of occupying the exalted position for which I am destined.
+
+'Uncle Ebenezer was my mother's brother and, a true Scrout, he inherited
+all his good qualities from my grandfather, Phelim Scrout, the
+well-known turfcutter, from whom, by the way, I inherit most of
+mine--but of these it does not become me to speak.
+
+'Many people, jealous perhaps of his great fame, have ridiculed my
+uncle's claim to be a member of this ancient family, but to set this
+matter for ever at rest, I have here copied a few notes from the
+Scroutean genealogical tree, preserved in the archives of the family.'
+Ptolemy Jenkinson here took from his pocket and handed to Bill a sheet
+of paper upon which the following notes were written in a clear bold
+hand:--
+
+  MISTS OF THE PAST
+
+                       PHELIM SCROUT = MOLLY?
+         (The well-known turfcutter) |
+                                     |
+                ----------------------------------
+                |                                |
+           TOD SCROUT = MANDY M'GUIRE          PEARL (died of
+                      |                        megrims at an
+                      |                          early age)
+                      |
+   ------------------------------------------------------
+   |        |         |           |            |        |
+  LU    EBENEZER    MANDY    CASSANDRA =      WAT      LIL
+                            TOM JENKINSON
+                                  |
+                               PTOLEMY
+
+When these had been examined by the company, Ptolemy resumed his tale:--
+
+'Uncle Eb, as I very soon learned to call him, was ever the victim of
+his own generous heart. Continually adopting people, both old and young,
+he was doomed to be taken advantage of by those to whom he was most
+kind. How well can I remember, amongst many another ungrateful adopted
+son, uncle, aunt or cousin, young Sigurd, the birthday-monger, who
+entered the family about the same time as myself. It was he who secretly
+wrote his name on each page of Uncle Eb's birthday-book and received a
+present every day from the absent-minded old gentleman until he was
+discovered writing his name twice on some pages and was straightway
+disadopted.
+
+[Illustration: FAR SOONER HAVE THE MUMPS]
+
+'Not alone to his own family circle was the doctor's kindness
+confined; it extended to all with whom he came in contact. Before
+sending in his bills he always provided his patients with enough money
+to pay them, and promptly returned the cash with the receipts, deducting
+only one penny for the stamp in each case.
+
+'Invariably most sympathetic with his suffering patients, he spent many
+years of his noble life in studying how to make his medicines as
+pleasant and sweet to the taste as the most delightful confections ever
+placed upon the Lord Mayor's table, while his greatest endeavour was
+always to make a period of sickness one also of pleasurable relaxation
+for his patients.
+
+'In time the children went mad with excitement, and jumped for very joy
+on learning that they had contracted measles, and would far sooner, any
+day, have the mumps than a birthday every week. And oh! what thrills of
+joy would pass through their little frames on learning that they would
+have to lie up for a bilious attack and be attended by the good-natured
+Doctor Ebenezer Scrout, and treated with his delicious jalaps and
+powders.
+
+'Unfortunately, however, so pleasant was the treatment, that the
+children in time were even tempted to make themselves ill on purpose, by
+eating as many jam puffs as they could buy with their Saturday monies,
+and soon nearly every child was down with a bad bilious attack, and all
+the schools had to be closed.
+
+'Even the grown-ups began to indulge in these jam puffs, buying them in
+large quantities and falling ill one by one, much preferring to be
+tucked up snugly in bed with a comfortable bilious attack and the
+good-natured doctor in attendance, to ordinary good health and hard
+work, with the many disappointments and trials of everyday life.
+
+'First the Lord Mayor was taken bad--then the leader of the town band
+and all his bandsmen. Now the shopmen began to feel queer, and one by
+one the aldermen toddled to their beds. In time everybody was laid up,
+and no one was left to do the work of the town. All the shops, theatres,
+markets, and railway stations were closed, and the streets quite
+deserted except for the doctor and the puff baker, each trying to undo
+the work of the other.
+
+'Hardly a sound could be heard in the streets except perhaps the clink
+of a spoon against a bottle from a room above, as some patient prepared
+his evening dose, or the shuffling footsteps of the old doctor as he
+went his daily round, and sometimes the loud rat-tat of the puff baker
+would awaken the echoes of the lonely streets as he called from door to
+door for orders in the morning.
+
+'Strange grasses and sweet-scented wild flowers began to grow in the
+streets, and mushrooms and straggling carrots forced a way between the
+crevices of the pavements. Sprays of wild spinach hung from the
+lamp-posts, and the market-place became one waving jungle of broccoli.
+The very sparrows, deprived of their daily crumbs, grew thin and nervy
+with the green diet they were compelled to subsist upon. Croaking and
+griding, instead of chirruping musically to their young as is their
+wont, they so affected the good-hearted doctor that he could never pass
+them without some cheering word, and never could he withstand the
+beseeching look in their eyes. Within doors the prospect was hardly more
+encouraging. Strong vegetable-marrows twined their branches and their
+many tendrils round the table legs and the chairs; great turnips
+stoutened and burst upon the stairs; spring onions bristled in the
+corners of the Lord Mayor's dining-hall, while his grand piano was
+completely hidden in the gorgeous festoons of mint that, unchecked, had
+run a ragged riot about the place.
+
+[Illustration: THE PUFF BAKER]
+
+'At last, after two months of sickness, and despite every attention and
+kindness on the part of the doctor, the patients began to weary of being
+ill and kept to their beds for so long. The Lord Mayor was the first to
+arise and, although very weak in the legs, he managed to crawl to the
+top of the stairs, and looking down, beheld, to his dismay, the dreadful
+state of ruin in which everything was involved. He called for his
+servants as loudly as his weakness would allow him, and, obtaining no
+reply, he scrambled down the stairs on his hands and knees, and
+clamoured shrilly for a cut from the joint. As, of course, there was no
+one to procure this for him nor, indeed, any joint from which to
+procure a cut, he boiled himself an egg, and was able to survey the
+scene more calmly.
+
+[Illustration: TREATED WITH DELICIOUS JALAPS]
+
+'Presently the aldermen crawled down one by one, then the shopmen, then
+the bandsmen, and, finally, the rest of the inhabitants, disturbed by
+the weeping and yells of those already arisen, struggled downstairs, and
+in agony beheld the general devastation.
+
+'Resolved not to touch another drop of the doctor's medicine, they
+satisfied the cravings of their hunger, which now began to be felt, on
+the wild marrows, turnips, and mushrooms that everywhere abounded, and
+by degrees regained a little of their former vigour.
+
+[Illustration: The Lord Mayor held a long council]
+
+'The Lord Mayor and aldermen, already feeling a little more comfortable,
+held a long council, at which it was decided that it would be less
+expensive to burn the old town, and to build a new one on its site, than
+to try and clear up the old one. It was also decided to arrest the
+unfortunate doctor, whom they all now joined in accusing as the cause of
+their trouble, and bring him to trial.
+
+[Illustration: AS SOME PATIENT PREPARED HIS DOSE]
+
+'In the course of time the town was rebuilt, and the doctor was the
+first prisoner to stand on his trial at the new Town Hall.
+
+'On the appointed day the Hall was crammed to its utmost, as at one time
+the prisoner had been much loved and looked up to by his
+fellow-townsmen.
+
+'When the Lord Mayor arrived in state, between two Admirals of the
+Fleet, and took his seat, the foreman of the jury awakened his
+brother-jurors, who had been dozing off, and called for three cheers for
+the Lord Mayor, in which everybody joined. The Lord Mayor made no reply,
+except to frown severely at the foreman, and proceeded at once with the
+business in hand. "Lock all the doors and bring in the prisoner," cried
+he in a loud voice, after clearing his throat. The doors were instantly
+locked, but some confusion arose when it was discovered that they could
+not bring in the prisoner unless one were unlocked again. On this being
+very politely pointed out to the Lord Mayor (who did not seem quite to
+like being corrected), he altered his order, and cried out: "Bring in
+the prisoner, and lock all the doors." Immediately the band struck up
+the most martial music and the prisoner was brought in, tied tightly
+with twine, sealed with red sealing-wax, and guarded by a squad of
+infantry, who at once formed fours, and marked time for the rest of the
+afternoon.
+
+'When the music had ceased, and the general excitement caused by the
+entrance of the prisoner had subsided, the Lord Mayor politely requested
+him to take a seat, which he very gladly did, on being untied by the
+policeman.
+
+'Now, as every one knew that the doctor had really been the cause of all
+the trouble, the only point to be decided at the trial was whether he
+had done it intentionally or not, and the Lord Mayor addressed him
+accordingly, asking him if he had anything to say upon the subject. The
+doctor happened to be thinking of something else at the moment and,
+moreover, had his head turned in another direction, watching a fly on
+the window of the hall, so that he did not hear the question. The Lord
+Mayor waited about a quarter of an hour for an answer, and receiving
+none, he called, in an annoyed tone, for the witnesses for the
+prosecution.
+
+[Illustration: THE VERY SPARROWS GREW THIN]
+
+'The principal witness for the prosecution was a Sicilian char-woman,
+whose evidence was translated by one of the many aldermen present to
+assist in case of need. It appeared that in her young days she had made
+the acquaintance of a young and handsome Sicilian waiter, a distant
+cousin, and a native of the village in which she was born. So friendly
+did they become in time that he had confided to her many of the secrets
+of his life, and, amongst others, one that had weighed very heavily upon
+his mind. Some time previously, when employed at a well-known
+refreshment hall, on the coast of Lombardy, he had waited upon a
+distinguished young gentleman of considerable means, and had overheard
+him whisper to a chance acquaintance, seated at the next table, that a
+friend of his, a tall dark man, had met a young lady at a whist-party,
+whose greatest friend had an aunt, formerly engaged to a well-meaning
+curate, who averred that his brother knew for certain that IT WAS DONE
+QUITE INTENTIONALLY BY ---- Here the waiter was called away to another
+client, and did not hear the rest of the sentence.
+
+'Now the Sicilian char-woman, on hearing this from her good friend, was
+much puzzled, and not knowing to whom the words might refer, made a
+mental note of it at the time. On reading of the arrest of the doctor,
+however, and of what he was accused, she concluded that there must be
+some connection between him and the man mentioned by the brother of the
+well-meaning curate formerly engaged to the aunt of the greatest friend
+of the young lady who was met at the whist party by the tall dark friend
+of the young gentleman of considerable means who, as you know, was
+waited upon by the Sicilian waiter at the well-known refreshment hall in
+Lombardy, so she had hastened from Sicily to tell her tale. At the
+conclusion of her evidence a murmur of admiration was heard all over the
+court, and the Lord Mayor was so charmed with her and the really
+pleasant way in which she had told her tale, that he lightly threw a
+half-crown to her across the hall, which she very neatly caught. She
+then sat down, amidst the cheers of the crowd.
+
+'The principal witness for the defence was a young journeyman tailor,
+who stated that on cleaning out the pockets of an old coat which had
+been left at his house for repairs by a dark gentleman of mysterious
+appearance, he had discovered an old envelope upon which he could just
+trace the figures 56--6.30 A.M. The coat was never called for, and the
+tailor pondered over the envelope, but could make nothing of it. He
+showed it to every policeman of his acquaintance, but not one could
+unravel the mystery, and, as a last resource, he procured an
+introduction to the principal policeman in the British Museum Library.
+This great man examined the envelope very carefully, but with no result,
+and the only advice he could give him was to call at every house
+numbered 56 at 6.30 in the morning and see what would happen.
+
+'The tailor followed this advice diligently for some time and met with
+many rebuffs, as he had nothing to say on the door being opened to him.
+At length one morning he came to an empty house numbered 56, the steps
+of which were littered with straw. Gazing hopelessly at this for some
+time, he noticed that three pieces pointed distinctly in one direction
+to the corner of the street, and you may well imagine his surprise when,
+on following the direction indicated by the straw, he came across this
+postcard.'
+
+Ptolemy Jenkinson here handed this torn postcard to the company.
+
+[Illustration: POSTCARD]
+
+Ptolemy again proceeded with his story:--
+
+'Now the tailor, more puzzled than ever, took the card home, and, after
+weeks of deep thinking, decided that the card must have been completed
+thus.'
+
+Ptolemy here handed the remaining portion of card, with the tailor's
+suggested completion, to the company.
+
+'You may guess the surprise of every one present when the tailor
+produced the completed card. The Lord Mayor gazed at it in astonishment.
+He turned it over and over, and suddenly noticing that there was a
+foreign stamp on the other side, he became more excited than ever, and
+asked if he might tear it off, as his son had rather a good collection.
+This the tailor readily allowed him to do, and this put the Lord Mayor
+in a good temper for the rest of the afternoon, and gave a more cheerful
+aspect to the case altogether.
+
+[Illustration: POSTCARD]
+
+'After the tailor's evidence, which, of course, proved that the doctor
+had not intended to bring about the harm of which he had been the
+unfortunate cause, there was nothing for the Lord Mayor to do but to
+acquit the prisoner, which he did, much to everybody's relief.
+
+'The Lord Mayor then retired, after ordering a new suit of clothes from
+the journeyman tailor, and inviting the Sicilian charwoman and the other
+witnesses to progressive whist and to be introduced to his family.
+
+'So, Gentlemen,' said Ptolemy in conclusion, 'my uncle and myself are
+quite free at last, and entirely at your service.'
+
+Such a valuable offer could not very well be refused, so, after
+explaining the object of the expedition to their new friends, the whole
+force moved joyfully on.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN
+AND THE BOY SCOUT]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN AND THE BOY SCOUT
+
+
+In due time the gallant army arrived at the little town of Killgruel, a
+very respectable place indeed, at which they spent the pleasantest of
+week-ends, entertained at 'At Homes,' soirées, and receptions, to any
+number of which every member of the expedition was invited during their
+brief stay. Bill and the King were the guests of the very respectable
+and Right Honourable Hesketh Fitzgreynib, the Mayor of Killgruel, who
+entertained them with the extremest gentility imaginable. So respectable
+and genteel was their host, that it had been said of him that never had
+he been known to don the same suit twice, having at the very least a new
+one every day; nor had he ever been seen to remove his lavender gloves
+even at meal times. It was also reported that, not content with bowing
+most politely to every one he met in the street, he behaved in a like
+genteel manner to all the pillar-boxes and lamp-posts that he passed
+upon his way, and that he always walked sideways down the street with
+his back to the wall, in order that he should not be compelled to turn
+it upon the passers-by. Whether these reports are true or not, it is
+certain that he was the most gentlemanly gentleman in all Killgruel, a
+town which could boast more elegant and refined people than any other
+town in the whole world.
+
+He was indeed the pride of Killgruel, and so respected by his
+fellow-townsmen, who valued him greatly for his exceptional
+gentlemanliness, that he was not allowed to soil his hands by so much as
+a stroke of work, but only to be respectable from morning to night. An
+intelligent boy scout was employed to look after him, and even to think
+for him, with orders never on any account to leave him, so that in time
+this respectable gentleman became very respectable indeed, and relying
+for almost everything on the intelligence and affection of the boy
+scout, who now performed for him even his duties as Mayor of Killgruel,
+the good man was enabled to devote his whole thoughts to the
+cultivation of his respectability.
+
+His good wife, the Lady Lilian Leankettle, who was extravagantly devoted
+to her husband, shone in the same brilliant manner, and was quoted as a
+model of gentility by all the good wives of the little community, while
+Bildith, their charming and handsome daughter, gave every promise of
+inheriting their interesting ways.
+
+But delightful as all this was to the band of warriors, on Monday
+morning they were compelled to resume their journey. It was, however, so
+early when they were ready to start that the gates of the town were not
+unlocked, so the Honourable Hesketh, with whom, as Mayor of Killgruel,
+the keys were always left at night, allowed the scout to take the keys
+and let the wanderers out. After a charmingly polite farewell from the
+Right Honourable Hesketh and others of their entertainers who had
+gathered by the town hall to see them off, the gallant band marched down
+the high street towards the only gate of the town, headed by the
+intelligent boy scout. From the first the King showed symptoms of being
+rather unmanageable, and Bill had great difficulty in getting him past
+the shops, which were now all taking down their shutters, and when they
+arrived at the sweet-stuff shop there was nothing for it but to go in
+and buy him some cocoanut ice.
+
+At length they managed to get clear of the gates, which were then
+closed with a bang behind them, and the last they saw of the intelligent
+boy scout was with the great town keys held firmly between his teeth, in
+order that he might hold with one hand the top of the wall to which he
+had hastily climbed, while with the other he waved a fond good-bye to
+the departing wanderers.
+
+With a great gurgling cry, which all took to be one of grief at their
+departure, the affectionate lad suddenly disappeared and the brave
+fellows resumed their march.
+
+Their road now took them across the mountains at the foot of which
+nestled the little town of Killgruel. Towards evening the noble fellows
+were crossing the highest peaks of the range, weary, and looking forward
+to their supper and a good night's rest, both of which they proposed to
+take in the woods on the other side of the mountains. Every one now
+began to notice that the old King seemed worried about something or
+other, and the further they marched the more fidgety he became, until at
+last, when they had nearly descended to the woods on the other side, the
+old aggravator called his general to him and said:--'Bill, did you
+happen to notice in the window of the principal sweet-stuff shop in the
+Killgruel high street, three fine fat sticks of liquorice leaning
+against the bottle containing the pear drops? Well, I can't get them out
+of my mind.' Bill tried to persuade him to forget them, and talked of
+many other things, in order to distract him from such thoughts.
+Presently he appeared to grow easier, and as he did not for some time
+again refer to the liquorice sticks, Bill was pleased to think that he
+had been successful in directing the old boy's thoughts into another
+channel. However, as they were unpacking their things in the woods at
+which they had now arrived and were lighting fires, preparatory to
+cooking their suppers, the truly exasperating creature again called Bill
+to him. 'Bill,' said he, with the most miserable face in the world,
+'it's no good. I can't forget 'em, try as I will. I don't want any of
+that nasty porridge I know they are about to prepare for supper. I must
+have some of those liquorice sticks.'
+
+Hiding his annoyance as much as he could, Bill tried to convince him how
+nice porridge really is and how good for him, but the discontented old
+man, who no doubt had been very much spoilt as a boy, would hear nothing
+of it. 'I don't want to be done good to,' cried he, 'and if I don't have
+those liquorice sticks to-night before I go to bed I know I shall get
+the fidgets and not be able to sleep a wink.'
+
+Bill now pointed out the difficulty of obtaining the liquorice, the
+distance being so great that it would be impossible to have it brought
+to the camp before midnight at the very earliest.
+
+The King, however, was obdurate, and Bill was now compelled, much
+against his will, to summon the whole army together and call for a
+volunteer to fetch the liquorice, but not one, not even the pluckful
+Chad, would venture to return alone to Killgruel along the dreary
+mountain road in the gathering night. Bill then suggested that two or
+three should return together and keep each other company, but it was of
+no avail. At last, the only way out of the difficulty that occurred to
+Bill was for half the army to return for the liquorice, and the other
+half to remain in the woods; but here yet another difficulty arose, for
+no one would stay in the woods with the army weakened to that extent.
+
+[Illustration: BOWING POLITELY TO THE PILLAR BOXES]
+
+At length Bill returned to the whimpering old potentate and once more
+endeavoured to dissuade him from his selfish purpose, but the more Bill
+talked, the more obstinate the old King became, and had it not been for
+the severe training Bill had had as a minder, he must assuredly have
+lost control of his temper.
+
+[Illustration: THE CHURCH STEEPLE HAD BEEN REMOVED]
+
+'I must have that liquorice,' whined the old grizzler, 'and if there is
+no other way of obtaining it the whole army must pack up sticks and
+return to Killgruel.'
+
+Many were the growls of discontent uttered by the poor fellows when Bill
+gave the necessary orders to pack up again and prepare to return over
+the mountains. Only by dint of the kindest words did he restrain a
+mutiny, encouraging them at the same time to humour the old baby and put
+up with his strange ways until he was restored to his throne, when, no
+doubt, he would make it up to them in many ways.
+
+In a little time the brave fellows were all on the march again, but the
+day was breaking by the time they arrived once more before the walls of
+Killgruel, all utterly tired, grumpy, and footsore. Bill strode up to
+the gates of the town, which, of course, at that time of the morning
+were still closed, and pulled the bell vigorously. He waited some time,
+and as there was no reply, he pulled the bell again, and then, after
+another interval, he rang it with all his force, but with no result
+whatever. He could now, however, hear a great muttering on the other
+side of the wall and considerable running to and fro, so he determined
+to wait patiently. At length the little wicket in the gate was opened
+and one of the Killgruellers looked out, and, recognising Bill and his
+comrades, hastily shut the wicket again after promising to fetch the
+Mayor.
+
+Bill now waited a very long time before the wicket opened again, and in
+the meantime his poor comrades, nearly overcome with their fatigue and
+their hunger, had set up their camp before the walls and prepared their
+breakfast, after eating which not one of them was able to keep his eyes
+open a moment longer, and all fell fast asleep before their fires. Even
+the old King dozed off and snored peacefully in his tent, forgetting,
+for the first time in twenty-four hours, the sticks of liquorice, upon
+the enjoyment of which he had so much set his heart.
+
+[Illustration: STANDING ALONE UPON THE WALLS]
+
+Bill alone of the whole force remained awake, and waited and waited, and
+as he stood before the gates of the little town, the noise within grew
+louder and louder until there was a terrific hub-bub within the walls.
+At last the wicket opened and the face of the respectable Mayor appeared
+in the little opening, but so altered that at first Bill hardly
+recognised his good host of the day before, so upset and disturbed did
+he seem.
+
+The poor man then in the most nervous manner explained that no one in
+the town had seen anything of the boy scout nor of the town keys since
+he had let the army out of the gate the previous morning, and until they
+found them it was, of course, impossible to let any one in. However, the
+good fellow (who certainly seemed rather helpless without his faithful
+attendant), besought Bill to wait patiently, as they had not yet given
+up hope of being able to open the gate. The wicket was again hurriedly
+closed, and Bill, sitting down by the gate, prepared to wait as
+patiently as he could. So tired, however, was the noble lad, that in
+spite of all his endeavours to remain awake he soon fell fast asleep.
+Long and deeply did he slumber, when he was awakened by a most terrible
+and deafening noise within the town, which had been growing greater and
+greater during his repose.
+
+Fortunately all in the camp, on account of their great fatigue, were so
+deep in sleep that the great uproar was unable to awaken them, but Bill
+at once stood up and scaled the walls to ascertain if possible the cause
+of the awful din.
+
+The hub-bub was truly deafening, and from his position on the walls Bill
+could see all over the little town, which was in a shocking state of
+confusion. The contents of every house were turned into the streets,
+and the distracted inhabitants everywhere hunting amongst the furniture
+and taking it to pieces in their search for the lost keys. Beds were cut
+open and discharged their feathers in great clouds that floated about
+the town; the church steeple had been removed and shaken, and the inside
+well scoured; many of the good people were descending chimneys attached
+to lines; pavements were lifted, cellars ransacked, the Town Hall taken
+to little pieces, old houses pulled down, pillar-boxes cleared out, and
+lamp-posts blown through by the perplexed and almost frantic
+Killgruellers in their efforts to find the lost keys. All the milk, the
+wine, the water, the lemonade and the gravy were being strained through
+butterfly nets or lawn tennis rackets, and, after melting it down, all
+the butter, dripping and lard was treated in the same way. The treacle
+tanks and great reservoirs of linseed tea were thoroughly dragged, but
+with no result whatever.
+
+A great procession of the townsmen nearly filled the high street which
+led from the gate to the further end of the town. One by one they
+approached the gates and tried every key they possessed. All kinds of
+keys, latch keys, watch keys, cupboard keys, box keys were tried, but
+not one could be found that would open the lock. To make matters even
+more unbearable, the respectable Mayor, to whom, of course, every one
+looked for direction and advice in their trouble, was of no earthly use
+whatever without his scout, upon whom he had so accustomed himself to
+rely, that he was perfectly helpless without him. His respectability,
+exert it as much as he would, made no difference of any kind upon the
+situation, except, perhaps, to place the poor man in everybody's way.
+
+[Illustration: DANGLING BY HIS LEGS]
+
+Bill returned to the King who, with the whole camp, was now wide awake,
+and wondering what on earth was taking place in the town. Bill at once
+hastened to explain the state of things, in the hope that the old man
+would at last give up all idea of the liquorice; but in this he was
+much mistaken, for, instead of replying to Bill, the grumpy old provoker
+turned sulky and would not say a word, so that there was nothing for the
+poor lad to do but to wait with what patience he could assume.
+
+The day declined, with no lessening of the terrific din within the town,
+and the gates remained obstinately closed. As evening approached, little
+clouds of smoke, with now and again a spurt of flame, could be seen
+rising from the other side of the walls. Presently a single Killgrueller
+was observed upon the walls, from which he nimbly leapt to the ground on
+the outer side, and made off round the base of the mountains, in an
+opposite direction to the camp. Now another appeared and disappeared in
+the same way; then another and another, and yet another, and then
+families of two, three, and four. At last whole crowds came scrambling
+over the walls, and vanished in the same direction, all carrying as many
+of their belongings as they could conveniently bring along with them.
+
+This went on until all the inhabitants, with the exception of the Mayor,
+had left the now blazing town, when he was seen standing alone upon the
+walls. Like the captain of a sinking ship, the noble fellow had waited
+until all had found safety before he sought it for himself. Bill
+hastened to assist him in his descent, and no sooner had the poor man
+reached the ground than Bill led him gently before the King and all the
+officers of the little army, who were assembled together watching
+the flames, and besought him to give them some explanation of these
+truly unaccountable proceedings of the Killgruellers.
+
+[Illustration: The Respectable Gentleman]
+
+'Alas! and alack-a-day!' sighed the unfortunate gentleman, 'allow me
+first of all to put four questions to you. Firstly, What is the good of
+a locked lock without a key?'
+
+They were all forced to admit that it was of no use whatever.
+
+'Secondly, What is the good of a gate with a useless lock that won't
+unlock?'
+
+No earthly use, all again admitted.
+
+'Thirdly, What is the use of a town if you can't get into it?'
+
+Of course, they all agreed there was only one answer to that.
+
+'And now, fourthly and lastly,' said the Mayor, 'What do you do with all
+useless things?'
+
+'Destroy them,' Bill promptly rejoined.
+
+'Exactly,' said the Right Honourable Hesketh, 'and that is what we have
+done with our now useless town, and all the inhabitants are hastening to
+build another town on the further side of the mountain, the gates of
+which shall always be nailed open in order that such a dreadful calamity
+may not occur again.'
+
+Bill somehow could not help thinking that there might have been another
+way out of the difficulty, but he did not like to say so. The old King
+at last realised that the Killgruel liquorice was not for him, so he
+offered no serious objections when Bill, early next morning, gave the
+necessary orders to pack up and prepare for the march, which they now
+resumed. The respectable gentleman preferred to remain with them rather
+than again face the unfortunate Killgruellers.
+
+They had not advanced very far upon their road, when Bill, who generally
+walked a little in advance of his troop, heard a strange clanking noise
+that appeared to proceed from a tall tree at the wayside. Wondering what
+odd bird possessed such an unmusical song, he allowed his gaze to wander
+thoughtfully among the leaves when, suddenly, what should he behold but
+the form of the vanished scout, dangling by his legs from a branch, and
+every time the tree was gently stirred by the breeze, there came forth
+upon the air this weird sound.
+
+Bill hastened to cut him down, but, to his unspeakable surprise, the
+unhappy young stripling cried, 'Don't, don't! the keys! the keys!' He
+then explained that when bidding farewell to them the other morning from
+the walls of Killgruel, in his excitement he had suddenly fallen back
+and swallowed the keys which, at the time, he had been holding between
+his teeth. Bill now recalled the strange cry that the poor lad had
+uttered as they left Killgruel on that occasion. However, in spite of
+his reluctance to be right side up again until he had recovered the
+keys, Bill insisted on fetching him down, and, in the severe struggle
+that ensued, the keys fell out of the boy's throat.
+
+When at length the army came upon the scene, nothing could exceed the
+joy of the respectable Mayor at beholding his good attendant, whom he
+had despaired of ever seeing again. He easily persuaded the willing
+young creature to remain with him, and share the fortunes of the King of
+Troy, and thus, with this very welcome addition to their forces, the
+gallant band marched on.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN
+
+
+Some weeks after leaving Killgruel, the noble little band entered a
+great forest, in the middle of which they overtook a stately char-woman;
+and no sooner did the Doctor behold her than he left the ranks, and
+going up to her, shook her kindly by the hand. He then introduced her to
+the King as the Sicilian Char-woman, and very chatty and pleasant she
+proved to be, and as she was travelling in the same direction, she
+graciously entertained them with the story of her life:--
+
+'You may indeed find it more than difficult to believe me when I aver
+that I am the daughter of an Arabian Prince, and that in my early years
+I was considered not merely the most intelligent, but also the most
+beautiful and fascinating creature in my father's dominion. As
+companions in my early childhood I had sixteen elder sisters, all of
+whom were blessed with singularly affectionate natures, and were
+generally declared to be only less beautiful and intelligent than
+myself. No care or expense was spared in our education and in fitting us
+for the truly exalted position it was hoped that we should occupy, as
+the daughters of a distinguished Arabian Prince. With this good end in
+view, the services were secured of the best of music-masters,
+dancing-masters, and instructors in the many graceful accomplishments
+that were becoming to our rank; yet, alas! with all that one could
+reasonably ask for, with every whim and wish gratified almost before it
+was expressed, with the most indulgent of parents, whose sole joy was to
+fill our lives with happiness, a settled melancholy by degrees possessed
+my soul and rendered me unfit to share the youthful pleasures of my
+sisters. It was not that I was in any way unmindful of all the kindness
+shown to me in countless ways, but that a craving, always with me since
+my earliest days, to see the wonderful world I had so often heard
+described in glowing terms, grew with me as time went by, and, weary of
+the idle life I led, I longed to use and develop in wider fields the
+great intelligence I had been gifted with.
+
+'At first, as was to be expected, my parents would not hear of my
+leaving them, but seeing that I grew sadder and more discontented day by
+day, they at length reluctantly gave their consent, for, after all, what
+greater wish had they than for my happiness.
+
+'After many consultations with the wisest men in my father's court, it
+was decided that I should take a course of instruction at the Royal
+Charing College of Sicily, and, on the fateful day, I took leave of my
+sorrowing parents and sisters, and, in charge of the Grand Vizier, left
+for Sicily.
+
+'With such good introductions as my father was easily able to command, I
+had no difficulty in gaining an entry to the College, in which I very
+soon learnt to distinguish myself. No lack of enthusiasm and industry
+did I bring to my tasks, and a native ability far above the average soon
+found opportunities for development, so that in the course of time I was
+discharged, a fully certified and perfected char-woman.
+
+'Since those early days my skill, my virtues, and my affections have
+been devoted to the welfare of many families, some of whom were
+undoubtedly good, some indifferent, while some again were undoubtedly
+bad. But without any question the worst household of all was that of the
+Pettigrew Leanmuffins, when first I devoted myself to the wellbeing of
+its members. Afterwards, however, as you shall hear, their trials,
+together with my disinterested conduct, wrought a reformation in their
+natures as astounding as it was welcome to all who knew them.
+
+'Mr. Pettigrew Leanmuffins himself, a man of some attainments, though
+ill-tempered and close to a degree bordering on meanness, had little
+enough to do with me, hardly ever, indeed, disguising his efforts to
+ignore my very existence; but no words at my command could describe the
+ungenerous nature of Mrs. Leanmuffins, who not only refused to concede
+any little favours to me, such as gracefully offering to entertain my
+worthy friend the waiter and his respectable family, but even denied,
+with much asperity, my right to enjoy an afternoon nap on the
+drawing-room lounge.
+
+'Of no value, in her prejudiced eyes, were the hardly-earned diplomas
+that had been awarded me during my five years' course at the College,
+and though richly illuminated with gold, amethysts and pearls, and
+framed in gorgeously brocaded velvet, she would not hear of my
+certificates for charing being displayed on the walls of the music-room
+beside her daughters' certificates for musical proficiency. With such
+poor examples as their parents constantly before them, it is not to be
+wondered at that the three daughters, Grillette, Pandalaura, and Blen
+should discover to one, who would have been their good friend, natures
+so mean that there seemed little promise of their ever possessing more
+generous dispositions. Rather, the wonder is that they were not really
+worse than they were, and beyond the chance of any reformation.
+
+[Illustration: I TOOK LEAVE OF MY SORROWING FATHER]
+
+'Each valued her own paltry and merely ornamental accomplishments at a
+far higher rate than my own well proved and certified skill in the
+serious art of charing, and in their own rude way they never missed an
+opportunity of reminding me of their fancied superiority.
+
+'During these early years of trial no other consolation had I than the
+society of the youngest of the Leanmuffin brood--Basil Herbert, one who
+as yet had not developed the mean disposition of his parents and
+sisters. For hours together, when the other Leanmuffins were away at
+some jaunt or frolic mayhap, would I, perhaps smarting under some recent
+indignity, pour forth my troubles into his not unwilling ears. Though
+but two years of age at the most, he seemed to understand, and I felt
+that in his own quiet way he gave me his sympathy. I therefore resolved
+in my young heart that he, at least, should not be spoilt, and to save
+him from falling to the depths of the other Leanmuffins was now my one
+hope in life.
+
+[Illustration: HARDLY DISGUISING HIS EFFORTS TO IGNORE ME]
+
+'How often would I, in dumb show, act kind deeds before him in little
+scenes and plays that I had composed for the purpose, using the kitchen
+utensils to personify my various characters, thus accustoming his
+growing mind to kind thoughts, until in time he gave promise of becoming
+as virtuous as he was handsome.
+
+'He endeared himself to all by his amiable ways, though none suspected
+to whose loving and untiring care they were due, and friends, nay, even
+strangers from distant lands travelled to see him, and marvelled at his
+decorous and kindly behaviour, which charmed as well as astonished all
+beholders.
+
+'His virtues, however, strong as they were, did not render him immune to
+the weaknesses to which young children are liable, and in his fifth year
+he developed a chilblain of the most painful description. Every remedy
+was tried, dried turnip seed, applications of roasted capers, poultices
+of wild figs and nard, fomentations of honey and turbot's roe, and many
+other recipes for the curing of chilblains, recommended by anxious
+friends. Nevertheless the blain grew chillier and chillier until at last
+they were compelled to send for a physician.
+
+'The physician, after spending a whole afternoon examining the foot,
+eventually took the most serious view of the case imaginable, and
+hastily wrote out the following prescription, promising to call again in
+a few days:--
+
+[Illustration: Basil Herbert develops a chilblain]
+
+  1 Pint New Gruel.
+  1 gr. Tincture of Green Acorns.
+  1/2 gr. Hypo.
+  1/16 gr. Castor Sugar.
+  3 Clove Kernels.
+  1/2 lb. Coffee Essence.
+  3/4 lb. Sugar of Zinc.
+  2 gr. Bisulphite of Lead.
+  1 Pint Spirits of Sulphur.
+  5 gr. Bicarbonate of Saltpetre.
+  1 oz. Table Salt.
+
+'Three drops to be mixed in a quart of lukewarm water and gently rubbed
+into the roots of the blain every five minutes, day and night, until its
+disappearance, which, if all went well, should take place in about six
+months' time.
+
+'I was sent out at once, without a "please" or "will you kindly" of
+course, to the nearest chemist to have the prescription made up. But,
+alas! he was unable to do it, as he had only three of the necessary
+ingredients in stock,--the bicarbonate of saltpetre, the table salt, and
+the hypo. I now went in turn to every chemist in the town, only to find
+that not one of them could supply me with _all_ the necessary
+ingredients. One perhaps had the tincture of green acorns and the hypo,
+while another had all but the coffee essence and the clove kernels. Some
+again only had the spirits of sulphur and the sugar of zinc, and so on.
+Now, in my despair, I resolved to buy each separate ingredient at a
+different store and mix the prescription myself, but, alas! I was no
+nearer obtaining it, as no one could supply me with the clove kernels.
+Determined to succeed, I visited in succession every town in Sicily, but
+not a single clove kernel could I find from one end of the island to the
+other.
+
+'As I stood on the sea-shore at the edge of the island wondering what
+next I should do to complete the prescription, my thoughts flew across
+the sea to my home in Arabia, and I decided to return there at once in
+the hope of learning from my parents where I should be most likely to
+find the kernels.
+
+'With the other ingredients securely sewn into the lining of my skirt, I
+embarked for Arabia, and in due course arrived at my father's palace.
+
+'When my good parents recognised me, which they did only after some
+minutes of close scrutiny, for it was at least twenty-five years since I
+had left home, they extended to me the kindliest welcome, and by their
+affectionate conduct dispelled any restraint I might have felt after so
+long an absence. In the meanwhile each of my sixteen sisters had married
+a Sultan or Prince at the very least, and they were now reigning in
+truly regal splendour in different parts of the world, and my parents,
+being alone in their old age, begged of me to come and live with them
+and gladden their declining years. This, however, I soon convinced them
+I could not do, and besought their help and advice in my quest. The
+Prince, my father, manifested the greatest desire to assist me, and took
+a fatherly interest in my fortunes. He caused the palace to be ransacked
+from top to bottom, but with no success,--there was not a single clove
+kernel to be found in the place.
+
+[Illustration: THEY WERE COMPELLED TO SEND FOR A PHYSICIAN]
+
+'After an affectionate parting with my father and mother, I visited
+every one of my married sisters in turn, each of whom introduced me to
+her husband and friends with considerable pride, for you must know that
+already my fame as a char-woman of great ability had reached even to the
+most distant parts. One and all were equally felicitous in their
+expressions of delight at seeing me, and equally pressing in their
+invitations to me to take up my abode with them. Yet none were able to
+help me in the quest I had so much at heart.
+
+'At last I returned to Sicily without the clove kernels, and, too
+ashamed to appear before the Leanmuffins without the completed
+prescription, I wandered about the island in despair, resting at night
+in the caves of the mountains, satisfying the cravings of my hunger on
+the hard dry leaves of the cactus.
+
+'I now bethought me of my good friend the waiter and the willingness he
+had consistently evinced to help me when in trouble, and once more I
+embarked, this time for the shores of Lombardy, at which place I knew he
+had a comfortable situation. With very little difficulty I found the
+refreshment establishment at which he worked, and, as I anticipated, he
+was extremely pleased to meet me again, and manifested the liveliest joy
+at the prospect of being of some help to me. Together we studied the
+menu of the day very thoroughly, but could find no mention whatever of
+clove kernels, and then, idly looking through some menus of recent date,
+handsomely bound together for future reference, we discovered that clove
+kernels had been served as recently as the day before. It would be
+useless to attempt to describe the despair that took possession of me
+when I discovered that I had only missed them by one day. The waiter
+excitedly rushed down to the kitchen to see if any had been left over,
+but, alas! there was not a single clove kernel to be found in the larder
+or anywhere else. On leaving the refreshment rooms I shed the bitterest
+tears that had ever fallen from my usually joyful eyes, and on the rocks
+by the sea gave way to a mood of the greatest despondency.
+
+'More ashamed than ever to return to the Leanmuffins, I made several
+inquiries for any one requiring the services of an amicable, virtuous,
+and, at the same time, experienced char-woman, determined to find work
+in Lombardy if any were to be had.
+
+'Not receiving satisfactory replies to my inquiries, my good waiter,
+true to his kind nature, introduced me to one of his most regular
+customers, the Marquis of Lombardy, who had been looking out for some
+years for a capable char-woman to superintend the management of his
+domestic affairs. Meeting with the approval of the Marquis, I thus
+secured a comfortable home, and resolved to forget that I had ever lived
+in Sicily.
+
+'Now it happened that the Marquis, being a regular diner at the
+restaurant, had partaken of clove kernels on the last occasion they were
+served, and three or four must have fallen from his spoon into his
+waistcoat pocket at the time, for I overheard his valet repeat to the
+housemaid that he had found them therein when brushing his master's
+clothes, and that he had presented them to one of the boatmen's
+children. Learning the name of the child, not a moment did I lose in
+hunting for him high and low, and eventually discovered him playing idly
+on the sands with what, I was convinced, were the kernels I so much
+coveted. At last, thought I, they are within my reach, and running
+joyfully up to the light-hearted lad discovered, alas! that he was only
+playing with brass buttons.
+
+'After the first shock of my new disappointment had passed away, I
+questioned the lad as to how he had disposed of the clove kernels, and
+he told me that his father, who considered them excellent bait, had
+taken them from him and given him three brass buttons in exchange.
+
+'On asking him where his father was at the present moment, he pointed
+with his sunburnt hand to the horizon, and looking in the direction
+indicated, I perceived a little fishing-smack, miles away. Without the
+loss of a single second, I hired a boat, and, with a boatman to assist,
+rowed in pursuit, and after a chase of three or four hours drew up, in
+an exhausted condition, alongside the smack. I now in piteous tones
+begged the clove kernels of the weather-beaten mariner, but he only
+laughed loudly and bitterly in reply, and, on my inquiring the reason of
+his cruel mirth, told me in faltering accents that he had only just
+hauled in his lines to discover that the fish had gone off with the bait
+and hook as well. Thus doomed to disappointment, I spent the rest of the
+day in a state of mind bordering on madness.
+
+[Illustration: THE IMPROVEMENT WAS MAINTAINED]
+
+'It was a little time after this that, one evening, I was sitting over
+the kitchen fire. The cook had just served up an excellent dish of fish,
+and my mind was still turning to Sicily in spite of my endeavours to
+forget that there was such a place, and wondering if ever I should see
+Basil Herbert again. Suddenly there was a most terrible disturbance
+overhead in the dining-room, a noise as of plates being thrown from one
+end of the room to the other, and presently wild shrieks and groans of
+pain. I ran lightly upstairs, always ready to be of use in emergencies
+of any kind, and opened the dining-room door just in time to see the
+Marquis raving most pitifully. It transpired that the very identical
+fish that had swallowed the hook and the clove kernels had been caught
+and served up to the Marquis's table, and he, poor man, had just
+swallowed the hook. Taking in the situation at a glance, I soon saw the
+probability that the three clove kernels, or one or two of them, were in
+the body of the fish, and walking boldly into the room I grasped the
+fish by the tail, and took to my heels.
+
+[Illustration: DISCOVERED A CLOVE KERNEL]
+
+'For miles I ran, out of the town and into the country without stopping,
+until, quite exhausted and out of breath, I sat down beneath a rock to
+rest. I now examined the fish which I still held in my hand, and found
+only two of the kernels in its body, the Marquis having probably
+swallowed the third.
+
+'However, although not the complete number required by the prescription,
+they were better than no clove kernels at all, so after resting awhile I
+resolved to return once more to Sicily.
+
+'After some vicissitudes I arrived at last at the home of the
+Leanmuffins to find them all in despair. Basil Herbert's condition had
+not improved, and the physician had ceased his visits and gone in search
+of me. I soon mixed the stuff, which brought some little relief to the
+unhappy young patient--but not enough, as the lotion was not
+sufficiently strong without the third clove kernel.
+
+'We persevered, however, and the improvement was just maintained. At
+last one evening when all the members of the family were gathered round
+the sufferer's bed endeavouring to distract him by every manner of
+entertainment conceivable and by cheerful songs, glees, and the telling
+of interesting stories, there came a low knock at the door and somebody
+inquiring for me. Who should it be but my faithful friend the waiter,
+who, on sweeping the floor of the Lombardic refreshment room, had
+discovered a little clove kernel in the corner, and, mad with delight at
+being able to assist me, had hastened from Lombardy to bring me the
+treasure. Small though it was, it was enough to give the requisite
+strength to the lotion, and in due course the young patient completely
+recovered.
+
+'After their severe trials the Leanmuffins were completely transformed;
+from being ignoble, mean, and unkind, they became generous in the
+extreme. Their joy knew no bounds, and henceforth they made me quite one
+of their family, and my friend the waiter and his good people were asked
+to dine with us every Sunday that they were in Sicily.
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE INTERVAL]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+'THE INTERVAL'
+
+
+When the Sicilian Char-woman had finished the narration of her truly
+wonderful experiences, and while the army were yet applauding her, the
+King stepped down from his chair, and taking the good woman by the hand,
+explained to her the object of their great expedition. 'And now,' said
+the astute old monarch in conclusion, 'powerful as we undoubtedly are,
+and as you can see for yourself that we are, we have yet one weakness,
+and that weakness is, that we cannot boast of a single char-woman of any
+description within our ranks. It has occurred to us, in listening to
+your story, that if you are able, as I have no doubt you will be, to
+obtain a good character from your last place, that we shall be delighted
+to engage you as an assistant to the amiable Boadicea in her attendance
+upon my person.'
+
+'Fiddlesticks,' snapped the abrupt woman, 'look after your person
+indeed! Look after it yourself,' and the strange creature walked off.
+Unwilling to lose such a treasure, the King called after her, and
+explained that if he had offended her it was quite unintentionally, and
+offered her any post she would like to fill, of course providing that it
+had not already been filled, in his army.
+
+'Now you are talking reasonably,' replied the quickly mollified
+creature. 'Well, as you are so very kind, I don't mind being the
+flag-bearer.'
+
+'But I am really afraid we have no flag,' objected the King.
+
+'Oh, we'll soon settle that little difficulty,' replied the woman. And
+she at once removed her apron and snatching from the astonished Scout
+the staff he usually carried with him, she tied the apron thereto by its
+two strings and waved it proudly in the air three or four times, at each
+time jumping as high as she could.
+
+Every one cheered in their delight at the readiness of the good woman,
+and congratulated each other cordially on this interesting addition to
+their forces.
+
+The King now stood up in his chair, and after quieting the general
+excitement by ringing his bell, he thus addressed his troops:--
+
+'My dear old boys and girls, although, no doubt, I appear to you a very
+fine man indeed, with a good appetite and fairly well covered for my
+time of life, I am not quite the man I should be. You must know that in
+my early babyhood I was a victim to the wicked carelessness of the royal
+cook. One morning this thoughtless creature left an unboiled parsnip on
+the garden path (had it been boiled and soft, my fate had been different
+perhaps) while chatting with a friend at the tradesmen's entrance. As
+ill luck would have it, I was at the time playing on the palace roof, to
+which I had climbed through the nursery chimney, and, childlike, was
+gazing curiously at a strange bird flying overhead, when I overbalanced
+and fell from the roof right on to the parsnip on the garden path,
+which, as you will guess, hurt me very severely indeed.'
+
+The King here exhibited to his audience a dent on his head in the form
+of a parsnip.
+
+'On hearing of this my father, of course, was highly indignant, and
+ordered the cook to be beheaded instantly, or, at all events, as soon as
+she had finished cooking the dinner.
+
+'The dinner, however, was so excellent that my father, in his enjoyment
+of it, forgot all about my mishap, and the cook went unpunished.
+Nevertheless the shock to my system was so great that, feeling it even
+to this day, as I have said, I am not the man I should be. A trifle
+irritable now and again; or more sulky and disagreeable than I care to
+admit; or at times even harsh, morose, surly, snappish, rattish, and
+short-tempered, all little failings you have no doubt noticed, and which
+now, knowing my early misfortune, you will more readily excuse.
+
+[Illustration: I FELL ON TO THE PARSNIP]
+
+'Well,' continued the King, 'you will at least understand that a little
+rest is good for me now and again, so that, as we have already travelled
+half the distance to my kingdom, I intend to give you all a whole
+holiday to-morrow, and on the day following, which happens to be my
+birthday, I will celebrate the great occasion with a grand review, after
+which we shall once more resume our long journey.'
+
+This welcome announcement was received with the greatest enthusiasm by
+the brave fellows, and loud cheers echoed again and again through the
+forest, and a great feast was at once prepared.
+
+[Illustration: THEY ALL ONCE MORE STARTED]
+
+[Illustration: ON THEIR ADVENTUROUS JOURNEY]
+
+Seated in a circle on the grass beneath the trees, the good souls
+enjoyed to the full the simple fare before them, and then, after once
+more cheering the old monarch, retired to their tents to sleep, and to
+dream of the morrow in store for them.
+
+Next morning, with the exception of the old King, who intended to rest
+and remain in bed all day, every one was up betimes. After a hearty
+meal, Bill explained to them all the dangers of the great forest, and
+the necessity of returning to camp at dusk. Then, taking care not to
+disturb the King, they all left the camp, different parties taking
+different directions, seeking amusement wherever they could find it.
+
+Bill took care of his charges, who had the greatest sport in the
+world,--tree-climbing, nutting, chasing butterflies, fishing in the
+pools, playing at Wild Indians, Hunt-the-Stag, Robbers and Thieves, Poor
+Jenny is a-weeping, Red Rover, and every really sensible game that there
+is to play, while Boadicea spent the time very happily in making
+beautiful bunches of wild flowers.
+
+Chad, however, was a bit of a nuisance, crying all the morning because
+he was not allowed to eat toadstools; so to keep him out of mischief,
+Bill tied him to the highest branch of a very tall tree, and there left
+him to have his cry out.
+
+The Long Man took Ptolemy Jenkinson in hand, and taught him how to
+bird-nest, at the same time adding to his own valuable collection of
+eggs. The Ancient Mariner made a swing for the Absent-minded Indian, and
+wondered, while he was swinging him to and fro, whether he enjoyed it or
+not, for the thoughtful creature's face still gave no sign at all of
+what was taking place in his mind, supposing he had one. The Doctor
+spent the day upside down, with his feet supported against the trunk of
+a tree and his nose on the ground, while he studied the habits of the
+stag-beetle. The Boy Scout practised scouting by continually losing his
+patron and then finding him again, while the Respectable Gentleman
+himself kept his respectability in hand by behaving most politely to all
+the trees of the forest,--raising his hat to the silver-birches, leaving
+his card on the ash-trees, introducing a hornbeam to a blackthorn,
+apologising to the thistles for treading on their lower leaves,
+and, in fact, behaving like the perfect gentleman he was, and having a
+really enjoyable day.
+
+[Illustration: And left him to have his cry out]
+
+The Triplets played hide-and-seek, and the Sicilian Char-woman set to
+and dusted and scrubbed down a good number of the forest trees, and
+spent the rest of the day in endeavouring to clear up the last year's
+leaves that everywhere littered the grass.
+
+It was quite late in the evening when all returned to camp, quite tired
+out, and after supper each crept quietly to bed without awakening the
+King, and soon the whole camp was fast asleep.
+
+[Illustration: THE WHOLE CAMP WAS FAST ASLEEP]
+
+In the morning every one awoke in the best of spirits, and brimful of
+the many things they had to tell of the happy time they had spent the
+day before. The old monarch seemed much refreshed for his long rest, and
+before sitting down to breakfast every one in turn went up to him and
+shook the happy old boy by the hand, wishing him many happy returns,
+after which they all sat down and enjoyed a substantial breakfast.
+Before the repast was quite finished, and while the King was looking the
+other way, Bill walked round the ring formed by the army as they sat
+upon the grass, and collected birthday presents for the old monarch.
+Every one was delighted to give something to His Majesty to show how
+much they appreciated his greatness, and when the old chap received the
+many gifts, all done up in one brown paper parcel, he was so overcome
+that he could hardly stammer forth his thanks. And this is what he
+found in the parcel when, with trembling hands, he had succeeded in
+opening it:--
+
+  From Bill,                       A bone-handled, two-bladed
+                                     pocket-knife, a little rusted,
+                                     but with only one blade
+                                     missing.
+  From Noah,                       Some string.
+  From Ratchett,                   8 brace buttons (very bright).
+  From the Twins {Quentin,         Wooden top of peg-top.
+                 {Hannibal,        Iron peg of same.
+  From Randall,                    Ferrule of umbrella.
+  From Nero,                       More string.
+  From Biddulph,                   Dial of old watch (not cracked
+                                     very much).
+  From Knut,                       Glass marble (beautifully
+                                     coloured).
+  From Chad,                       2 pear drops (old, but in good
+                                     condition).
+  From the other children
+    collectively,                  Twenty last year's horse
+                                     chestnuts on string (very
+                                     hard).
+  From the Ancient Mariner,        Piece of wood skilfully cut
+                                     into the form of a pebble.
+  From the Absent-Minded
+    Indian,                        Nothing.
+  From the Triplets,               3 bunches of violets.
+  From the Respectable Gentleman,  His visiting-card.
+  From the Boy Scout,              One of the Killgruel town-keys
+                                     he had swallowed.
+  From the Sicilian Char-woman,    Small piece of soap.
+  From the Long Man,               Wren's egg.
+  From Boadicea,                   A hat full of ripe blackberries.
+  From the Doctor,                 Half of cough lozenge.
+  From Ptolemy Jenkinson,          A last year's ticket for a box.
+
+Every one clamoured for a speech, but the old fellow was so affected by
+all this unexpected kindness, that he would not trust himself to open
+his mouth, so with tears of gratitude pouring from his eyes, he retired
+to his chair. These interesting proceedings thus coming to an end, he
+was wheeled into the forest by Boadicea until they came to the open
+space where the review was to take place.
+
+Having dried his eyes and smartened himself up, with Boadicea standing
+sedately at his side holding the presents, the King now solemnly awaited
+the appearance of the troops. Soon there was a great noise in the
+direction of the camp, and then they could be heard approaching.
+
+First came the nine brave sons of Crispin and Chloe, proudly marching
+three by three, and as they passed the King each gallantly saluted him.
+Now followed the stately Char-woman with the flag held aloft, and when
+she came opposite His Majesty she jumped magnificently three times into
+the air. She was followed by more of Bill's charges, and then, with
+great dignity, Bill, the King's general, marched past the Royal Old Boy
+and saluted him grandly.
+
+Another detachment of Bill's charges followed the general, then the
+Ancient Mariner approached, and, after placing the Absent-minded Indian
+on the ground, he, with much dignity, saluted the King by touching his
+forelock, sailor fashion, and after a few steps of the hornpipe, once
+more resumed his burden and moved on. The Ancient Mariner was followed
+by the Long Man who winked knowingly at the King as he passed by.
+Ptolemy Jenkinson came next, then the Doctor, who, not knowing quite
+what was expected of him, proceeded to feel the King's pulse, but was
+quickly hustled off by the Scout, who now approached.
+
+The Respectable Gentleman followed the Boy Scout, and raised his hat in
+a very gentlemanly manner to the King as he passed him and politely
+handed him one of his cards, upon which he had scribbled a few good
+wishes to the old monarch.
+
+Now, one by one, the Triplets passed in front of the delighted King,
+before whom each of the sweet creatures performed the most graceful
+curtsy, and the procession then terminated with another detachment of
+Bill's charges.
+
+The King was more than satisfied, and they all once more started on
+their adventurous journey.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE REAL SOLDIER]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE REAL SOLDIER
+
+
+After travelling some days, they came across a real soldier seated at
+the side of the road, and Bill at once persuaded the King to invite so
+valuable a man to join their expedition. The King therefore left his
+chariot and approached him, and asked the noble-looking fellow if he
+would care to make one of their party, and, if so, whether he had a good
+character from his last general, and the old warrior replied:--
+
+'Allow me, my good sirs, to recite to you one of my most noteworthy
+achievements, one of which, peradventure, you may not have read in the
+numerous books filled with accounts of my exploits. I shall thus remove
+any trace of doubt that may linger in your minds as to my great courage
+and astute generalship.'
+
+All expressing their eagerness to hear the story, the wordful old
+warrior proceeded:--
+
+'As near as I can remember, it was in the early fifties when, a mere
+drummer-boy, with the bloom of early boyhood still gracing my brave
+young cheek, I marched with the gallant 53rd or, as you may possibly
+know them, the King's Own Royal Roebucks, to the relief of the Isle of
+Wight. This island, at the time I mention, was blockaded by that
+notorious filibuster, Reginald Bendbrisket, a rogue who, possessed of
+the greatest audacity and cunning, had earned for himself an unenviable
+reputation, from Margate to Samoa, by the terrible extent of his
+depredations.
+
+'You will all doubtless remember how, disappointed in his endeavours to
+usurp the throne of Pitcairn Island, he had impudently resolved to make
+a sudden raid upon the Isle of Wight; and thus to feed his own
+insatiable greed and, at the same time, appease the disappointed rage of
+his desperate followers, he would have plunged the peaceful little
+island into abject misery. What tempted him thereto none can guess with
+any certainty, unless indeed it were the many false reports, spread
+abroad by the unscrupulous, of the gold, silver, and diamonds to be
+found there; of the extensive quarries, rich in the finest hearthstone;
+and of the natural paraffin springs, that could provide the world with
+the purest oil; and many other reports, alike false and discreditable to
+their inventor and to those who repeated them to the credulous stranger.
+
+'Had the rogue been successful in his latest raid, his small band of
+followers (mayhap increased to a powerful army by the hordes of
+discontented periwinkle-gatherers, prawners, and lobster-potterers that
+earn a scanty living on our shores) would, without doubt, have had at
+their mercy the Isle of Sheppey and the numerous other Islets that
+ornament our coasts. And then, from these a sudden and successful
+descent on Ludgate Hill would have rendered him master of the whole of
+London. Now I am going to tell you how the courage and forethought of a
+simple drummer-boy frustrated all his schemes, and brought to his knees
+one of the most unscrupulous enemies that has ever invaded our shores.
+
+'To come back to the beginning of my story, we had a comfortable journey
+down, the tedium of which had been greatly relieved by delightful
+conversation and intellectual chatting, each in his turn considerably
+astounding the others by the amount of intelligence he displayed. These
+pursuits were again varied by interesting recitations, and such
+parlour-games as could be conveniently played in a railway carriage. We
+arrived in the afternoon at a snug little hamlet on the coast opposite
+the island, whence we embarked in a fleet of disused barges and
+dredgers. We reached our destination, after a fairly calm voyage,
+without having excited the curiosity of the invaders, only one of whose
+vessels we passed, and all on board it were so engrossed with the
+captain, who was violently sea-sick, that we passed unobserved.
+
+'We were 2,352 strong, including the gallant 53rd, of which I was a
+member, a battery of artillery, a camel corps, two squadrons of the
+smartest cavalry that ever chased a rabbit across the Hackney Marshes,
+and a battalion of infantry, so well trained that there was not one of
+the rank and file who could not play quite delightfully on the piano;
+while the officers were unexcelled at conjuring tricks, with which they
+used to amuse the soldiers seated round the camp-fires of an evening. We
+were ably generalled by that best of all officers, Sir Francis Melville
+Glowmutton, whose fame in after years very nearly earned for him the
+honour of being mentioned in a popular Encyclopædia.
+
+'We were met on the beach by a procession of the inhabitants, headed by
+the president of the island, all of whom were delighted to see us, and
+extended to us the most hospitable of welcomes. Without waiting for
+formal introductions, they fraternised in the most friendly spirit with
+the troops who, in turn, were charmed with their reception and, being
+quite beyond themselves with gratification, adorned their conversation
+with the most graceful compliments to the inhabitants and grateful
+tributes to their kindness.
+
+'The blockade had lasted barely eight weeks, so that, as yet, the
+inhabitants of the island were not aware of it, and when they learnt
+from the soldiers the real state of affairs, they rejoiced beyond
+measure, and redoubled their congratulations to the army and to each
+other, and the president seized the very first opportunity publicly to
+thank the general for his thoughtfulness in coming to relieve them.
+
+'For quite a long time the handshaking went on, and every one was so
+amiably excited that the president, anxious that so much good feeling
+should not be thrown away, invited every one to spend the evening with
+him at his presidency on the Needles.
+
+'And such a bright and happy evening it was too! Every one in the best
+of spirits, and entering blithely into all the games! "Oranges and
+Lemons," "Nuts and May," and "Poor Jenny is a-weeping," had never,
+within the memory of any one present, been played with greater zest,
+and, what was more wonderful, never had the rather trying game of "Hunt
+the Slipper" provoked less ill-temper since it was first introduced into
+this country at the Norman Conquest.
+
+[Illustration: THE REAL SOLDIER]
+
+'The joy of the frolicsome ones was only equalled by that of the older
+inhabitants and the elderly officers, who, seated on chairs placed for
+them round the wails of the hall, fairly shook with laughter and
+merriment, until the tears rolled down their handsome old cheeks.
+
+'At last, with flushed and happy faces, all sat down to a splendid cold
+supper provided by the President, but it was some little time before the
+feast could proceed, as every one was so well-behaved that there was
+quite a turmoil of passing things to one another. At last, however,
+every one was served, and the supper proceeded with the greatest mirth
+on all sides.
+
+'After a while the president stood up to make a speech, and had only got
+as far as, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it is not that we----" when, to
+everybody's consternation, there was a loud knock at the door and,
+without waiting to be asked, in stalked the notorious Reginald himself.
+
+'Having approached the table, he slowly withdrew his gaze from the
+refreshments (to which it had wandered on his entry), and, drawing
+himself to his greatest height, demanded of the president the instant
+surrender of the island to him as his rightful property, averring that
+it had been left to him by an aunt, whose favourite he had been. Then,
+putting his hand to his bosom, he drew thence an old roll of parchment
+which, indeed, proved to be the Will of one Martha Grub. This he handed
+to the president, who read aloud therefrom the following clause, which
+had been underlined:--
+
+    'And I do bequeath unto my good sister's son, the shapely Reginald
+    Bendbrisket, inasmuch as he has shown some kindness unto my black
+    cat, now dead alas! twenty jars of the good plum preserve I did make
+    last fall as well as five yards of the good garden hose wherewith I
+    did heretowhile water my cabbages in the droughty seasons, the rest
+    to be cut up and divided equally amongst my other nephews and nieces
+    to be used by them as they may see fit whatsoever.
+
+    'At their demise the said pieces shall be delivered up to the said
+    Reginald, who will once more unite the fragments and pass the
+    completed hose on to his heirs for ever.
+
+    'For his goodness in undertaking thus to carry out my wishes I do
+    also bequeath unto the before-mentioned Reginald the Island of Wight
+    situate at the south coast of England.
+
+'On reading this the president turned very pale and every one trembled,
+never having dreamt of the strength of the invader's position. But being
+a bit of a lawyer, the president very soon rallied and replied to the
+filibuster, in as courtly a manner as he could assume, that he was bound
+to admit that his aunt Martha had, without doubt, left the island to
+him, and that he would be the last man to dispute the fact--here the
+rogue, vainly imagining that he was about to realise his greatest hopes,
+could not conceal his satisfaction, and helped himself to a
+sandwich--"But hold!" cried the president in a terrible voice, "I do
+dispute that it was hers to leave."
+
+[Illustration: 'BUT HOLD!' CRIED THE PRESIDENT]
+
+[Illustration: Reginald completely lost his temper]
+
+'At this the irascible Reginald completely lost his temper and hurled
+the sandwich with such fury to the ground that it broke one of the
+gorgeous tiles that ornamented the floor. "Have you," said he, "the
+audacity to doubt the word of my aunt Martha? Have you the face to stand
+there and dispute the will of that excellent woman, written when dying
+of a broken heart at the death of her black cat, and whose only solace
+was the company of her dutiful nephew? Then your fate be upon your
+own head." And he strode out of the hall gnashing and grinding his teeth
+in the most terrible manner, only stopping to pick up the sandwich which
+he had thrown down in his outburst of passion.
+
+[Illustration: 'YOUR FATE BE UPON YOUR OWN HEAD']
+
+'When the door had slammed to with terrific force behind him there was a
+great silence in the hall, and we all looked at one another with scared
+faces. Soon every one arose from the table, and silently left the
+banqueting-hall to prepare for the fight which we now knew would come on
+the morrow.
+
+'Try as I would, I could not sleep for thinking of the battle in store
+for us. I counted more sheep than would have fed our army for six
+months, but with no result. I then tried elephants, and after that
+camels and zebras, and finally, hoping that their odd shapes might bring
+me repose, I tried ant bears, but all in vain. At last, in despair, I
+rose from my hard couch, donned my uniform, and snatching up a cracknel,
+strode out of my tent.
+
+'Murmuring "Brittle Pantechnicons" (which, by the way, was our password)
+to the sentry, I strolled idly down to the sea. It was a beautiful and
+perfectly still night, with not a ripple to disturb the surface of the
+sea, upon which, here and there, would glow a little shimmer of light as
+the phosphorescent turbot rose to its prey. In the distance, and away to
+the right, could be seen the camp-fires of the enemy, and the
+reflections in the pools left by the tide. Ever and anon sounds of
+merriment could be heard as the invaders, heedless of the morrow, spent
+the night in revelry. To the left, and further back, could be seen the
+tents of our forces, not a sound arising therefrom except the low
+monotonous breathing of the soldiers (who were so well drilled that even
+in their sleep they breathed in time), or maybe the "Who goes there?" of
+the sentry would sound in the darkness, as he mistook a moth for a spy,
+or the drone of the beach bee for the war-whoop of the enemy.
+
+'At the water's edge, dark against the starry sky, I found a solitary
+bathing-machine, beneath which I crept, and here at length my weariness
+quite overcame me and I slept. How long I remained thus I cannot tell,
+but I was awakened by heavy footsteps on the floor of the machine over
+my head. My curiosity was intense, but resisting the temptation to rush
+out and satisfy it, I wisely resolved to remain in my present position
+as long as possible.
+
+[Illustration: FLOUNDERING ABOUT IN THE SEA]
+
+'Presently the mysterious tenant of the machine opened its seaward door
+and stood revealed in the light of the moon, which had arisen during my
+sleep, as the terrible Reginald Bendbrisket himself, clothed in a deep
+black bathing-suit. I crouched down, not daring to move a muscle, and
+was presently relieved to see him, after standing for some time on the
+steps of the machine, amble carefully over the stones to the edge of the
+sea, into which he plunged.
+
+'Now it was that an idea suddenly occurred to me, and I instantly crept
+from my place of concealment, and stealing up to the landward door of
+the machine nailed it fast with the hammer and nails I always carried
+with me to mend my drum, which was not infrequently broken beneath my
+enthusiastic blows. Having secured the front door, I now crept in at
+the back and, doffing my own clothes, soon donned those of the
+unconscious filibuster, who was still floundering about in the sea.
+Having effected this change, I crept back to my former position under
+the machine, and had barely made myself comfortable there when I saw the
+rogue returning.
+
+'After scrambling painfully over the stony beach he mounted the steps
+and entered the machine, and the slam of the door as it closed upon him
+was the signal for me to rush out and secure this as I had already
+secured the front door. Having done this, I waited no longer, but made
+off with all possible speed in the direction of the enemy's camp, which
+I had nearly reached, when I heard a most terrible banging from the
+interior of the now distant bathing-machine. Losing no time, I entered
+the camp, and, being easily mistaken for their captain, passed on
+unchallenged.
+
+'Arriving in time at the centre of the camp, I found all the men
+gathered together, having forsaken their revels, evidently in
+expectation of the return of their leader.
+
+[Illustration: IN EXPECTATION OF THEIR LEADER]
+
+'Standing before the villainous crew, I assumed, as nearly as I could,
+the mien and rough harsh voice of their filibustering captain, and
+ordered them to embark at once and to leave the island, as it had been
+reinforced during the night by such a mass of thundering artillery as
+would be impossible to withstand, and that they were even now fast
+approaching along the beach from the other end of the island where they
+had landed. The men, on hearing this appeared quite incredulous and
+their growls of disbelief grew louder and louder and threatened a
+terrible mutiny. Having at length gained a hearing, I invited them all
+to that part of the camp by which I had entered, to hear for themselves
+the approach of the distant hosts. Leading them all, still grumbling and
+growling, a little way beyond the camp, I commanded them all to be
+absolutely quiet, and then, in the silence which ensued, could be heard
+far away in the direction of the bathing-machine a most terrific and
+continuous banging, together with the sound of muffled shouting.
+
+'The men were aghast, and in the moonlight their swarthy faces could be
+seen to change to a ghastly white. Then, with an unearthly yell, they
+all turned and fled in a wild panic to the boats. They tumbled over and
+over each other in their anxiety to get away, and many got wet to the
+skin in their endeavour to reach the boats. At last, to my great joy, I
+saw the last of them pull off and reach the ships, which now put on all
+sail and vanished away for ever.
+
+'I now returned to the bathing-machine, from which still came a terrible
+din, though not quite so violent as it had been at first.
+
+'Taking hold of the rope that was fastened to it, I began to drag the
+machine in the direction of our camp, the banging meanwhile gradually
+subsiding, until at last only an occasional bang proclaimed the machine
+to be inhabited. As before, I passed the sentry by murmuring "Brittle
+Pantechnicons" and drew the machine up in front of the General's tent.
+
+'The General, having finished an early breakfast, was just setting out
+to take a stroll before settling down to plan out the battle, and seeing
+me, whom he at first took to be Reginald Bendbrisket, the good man
+received quite a severe shock. However, I soon undeceived him, and after
+relating my adventures I unfastened the door of the bathing-machine,
+and disclosed therein the form of the filibuster on bended knees,
+imploring our mercy.
+
+'Every one was delighted at such a speedy end to the campaign, for my
+part in which I was duly honoured. Reginald Bendbrisket, after a mild
+punishment, reformed and became a very respectable gentleman, the
+president kindly using his influence to secure for him a lucrative
+position in a well-known Insurance Office.
+
+'And thus, my good Sirs, it is, that the Isle of Wight still remains one
+of our many valued possessions.'
+
+'The very man for me,' thought the King of Troy, when he had finished
+his story, and before proceeding with their journey, he promoted the
+martial creature to the high position of second General-in-chief of the
+army.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE WILD MAN]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE WILD MAN
+
+
+One day the army were overtaken by a singularly wild-looking man who
+proved, however, to be at the same time quite an amiable creature, and
+expressed a great desire to seek some employment with the gallant
+fellows. The King was pleased to enlist the nice and sociable person,
+and was more than repaid for his confidence in him by his charming ways.
+On one occasion, when the King was rather tired and worried, the Wild
+Man, in order to distract the dear old fellow, told the following
+story:--
+
+'Good Sirs, though wild enough indeed, yet may I claim to be an unspoilt
+child of nature, whose finest instincts have, unchecked, found their
+true development. Thus, communing with nature from my cradle and living
+on terms of the closest intimacy with her wildest creatures, I can
+appreciate their humble wants, their hopes and fears, and have acquired
+the truly marvellous power of conversing with these simple-minded
+denizens of the wilderness.
+
+'My home was a rocky cave hard by the sea-shore, in which I lived in
+simple happiness with my good wife, now dead, alas! this many a long
+year ago, and our five brown children, who long since have grown to men
+and gone out into the world to seek their fortunes. Harmless indeed were
+our joys, and our trials we bore with that great fortitude which was not
+the least of the blessings we derived from our simple mode of life.
+
+'To proceed with my tale, on one dismal evening late in autumn, I left
+my cave, with the hungry cries of my children still in my ears,--for,
+indeed, the poor things had had no sup or bite the whole day through.
+Wondering what I could do that they might not go supperless to bed, I
+strolled along the sands by the sea in the hope of finding some odd
+limpet or whelk which, together with a few dried dandelion leaves, might
+make a simple stew. Alas! no vestige of a single crustacean could I
+find, so I sat me down upon the sands, determined not to return until
+the children had fallen asleep on the dry ferns and grass heaped up for
+them at the back of the cave, as their cries were more torment to me
+than my own emptiness.
+
+'The sun had long ago set, and the autumnal twilight, reflected in the
+pools of still water left by the far receded tide, was gradually fading
+from the sky, when I fancied I could hear a low heart-rending moan from
+off the desolate waste of sand before me. Again and again it sounded,
+and at last realising that it might be uttered by some creature in
+distress, I stood up and, as far as the fading light would permit,
+scanned the sands in every direction.
+
+'Nothing, however, could I see, and as the moan still continued at
+intervals and became, in fact, more and more painful and beseeching, I
+wandered about, a prey to the liveliest anxiety, endeavouring to
+discover whence it proceeded.
+
+'At length I perceived on the sand, at a little distance before me, a
+small dark motionless object, and at that instant a harrowing sound,
+arising therefrom on the evening air, left me in no doubt as to the
+origin of the moans I had already heard. Creeping as quietly as possible
+on my hands and knees quite close to it, I found it to be a lovely blue
+point oyster, and bringing my head to a level with the shell, I asked
+coaxingly, and in as soft a voice as I could command, what ailed it.
+
+[Illustration: Harmless indeed were our joys]
+
+'"Alas!" said the oyster, "a little while ago I possessed a child as
+sweet as ever chortled to its gasping mother, but snatched from me
+as it has been by the cruellest of whelks, it may even now lie helpless
+in the grasp of the ravenous brute, as it ruthlessly sups off its
+delicate limbs. No such grief have I had since that old native, my
+worthy husband, was slain, and was laid in state, his hoary head
+supported by a slice of lemon, beside a piece of brown bread-and-butter."
+
+[Illustration: I PLEADED MY CASE]
+
+'Deeply affected by her grief, I begged her to reveal the name of the
+little one and to indicate the direction taken by the marauding whelk.
+"Bertram is its name," said the widowed blue point, and I could hear
+the tears falling within the shell as, with her beard, she pointed out
+the path followed by the rogue.
+
+'I had not proceeded far in the direction indicated when I overtook a
+whelk, whose face was quite distorted by a savage look, and whose growls
+drowned the feeble cries of a tender blue pointlet whom he dragged along
+by the beard.
+
+'"Now what is all this about?" said I to the sullen fellow. "Why should
+you, who are maybe blessed with young of your own, rob a poor widowed
+oyster of her only consolation since the death of her husband? A heart
+of rock would have melted at the cries of your victim, but you,
+ungenerous, can have no heart at all, and entirely drag the name of
+whelk through the mud." I could distinctly hear the ruffian lashing his
+tail within his shell as he replied: "It's all very well for you, old
+boy, but all that kind of nonsense you're talking don't come in here. If
+it were a question of saving your own life I'll bet you wouldn't give
+much ear to the whimperings of a sentimental blue point. Know then, old
+stick, that it isn't for the love of children that I am dragging this
+little brat along, but he's just going to be the supper of an old crab,
+who caught me this afternoon and only let me go on the condition that I
+found him something a little more toothsome and tender than I am."
+
+'The cries of the infant were cruel to hear when it learnt the fate in
+store for it, and filled my heart with pity for the frail youngster.
+"Now come," said I to the whelk, "just wait a little while and consider,
+would it not always be a sad thing for you to reflect upon that you had
+been the cause of this frail young thing's death?" "Gammon!" answered
+the leather-hearted whelk, and proceeded on its journey. "Stay yet
+awhile," cried I, "and I will run and talk it over with the crab and see
+if his hard shell may hide a kinder heart than yours." "Well, look
+alive, old sentiments," replied the whelk; "it's a bit chilly waiting
+about out of the water when the tide's low. You'll see the old rascal
+over there by the sea."
+
+'I hastened with what speed I might in the direction pointed out by the
+whelk, and presently came upon the old crab. Before I had time to greet
+him he accosted me with "Well, old kneebones, what's the trouble?" "No
+trouble of mine I do assure you," I replied as I seated myself by his
+side, taking care at the same time to keep well out of reach of his two
+pincer claws, that wobbled about wickedly in my direction; thus in some
+trepidation I continued the conversation. "The trouble is that of an
+innocent blue pointlet, now alas! in the toils of a perfect bully of a
+whelk, a worthless rough who is thus victimising the innocent to save
+himself from ending his paltry existence in your inside. Now my good
+fellow, I am perfectly certain that you are not going to allow this,
+indeed you are not the sort to sacrifice another's life to satisfy your
+own greed. Let me press you, just for once, to go supperless to bed, and
+thus assuage the anguish of a most affectionate mother."
+
+'Much to my mortification and surprise, my conciliatory speech was met
+by roars of laughter from the flippant old crab. Peal upon peal
+disturbed the still evening air, and when the last clash of the hideous
+uproar had died away among the distant hills, the unfeeling brute, now
+in a state of collapse from loss of breath, gasped out:--"What, me give
+up the only chance of saving myself from that scoundrel of a lobster who
+only let me go on my promising to secure him something for supper a
+little less hard than myself! Well," continued the crab, "that's a good
+'un, that is. My good chap you must be quite out of your senses. Why,
+not only will I hand over the baby oyster to the lobster, but I intend
+also to have my supper off that tough old idiot of a whelk, who reckons
+he's going to get off scot-free, and old mother blue point, too, if I
+can find her," and then, as an afterthought, "and you, old marrow-bones,
+wouldn't make half a bad tit-bit if I could get hold of you," and he
+made a horrid dash at me as he spoke. However, I easily evaded him, and
+from a safer distance argued the matter out with him in the following
+way:--
+
+'"Allow me, my dear crustacean, to put the matter to you in this light.
+Now, first of all, clear your mind of all unnecessary bias. Suppose,"
+said I, "that you were to change places with the young oyster, suppose,
+we'll say, that you had the near prospect of being devoured by the
+greedy lobster. How would you feel, I say, if your neighbour not only
+refused to exert himself in any way to extricate you from your
+predicament, but also gloried in being the main cause of the disaster
+that threatened you?"
+
+[Illustration: AND KILLED IT ON THE SPOT]
+
+'The wily scoundrel merely replied, "Ask me another," and with his left
+eye-stalk bent towards the ground, insolently winked at me with the
+other. Despairing of penetrating his tough shell with kindly
+suggestions, I temporised with him, and succeeded in persuading him to
+desist from his evil intentions until I had talked it over with the
+lobster. Out of sheer perversity the crab directed me wrongly, but in
+good time, after some wandering here and there, I discovered the
+lobster.
+
+'I pleaded my case to him as eloquently as I had already done to the
+others,--nay, even more eloquently, being, no doubt, a little more used
+to it by now, but yet with no apparent good result. The wary creature
+pretended ignorance. "To which crab do you refer?" said he, in a
+questioning tone; "I have so much business with crustaceans in one way
+and another that you would be surprised to learn how confused I become
+in my dealings with them." To the best of my ability I described the
+appearance of the old crab, and aided my description with a slight
+sketch on the sand made with the point of my umbrella. He gazed at this
+with much interest and murmured to himself "considerable artistic
+talent," and then aloud, "Oh yes, yes, I remember him quite well;
+indeed, he was here only recently about a little matter of supper. Well,
+well, I'm afraid I cannot be of any help to you here. You see, it's like
+this. Earlier in the day, I came to a little arrangement (quite a little
+business affair, by the way) with an old lady conger eel I have known
+for many years, and it happened in this way. We were having a little
+dispute as to who should sup off the other, and without going into
+details, the upshot of it all was that the eel managed to tie herself in
+a knot round my throat, and so, you see, was mistress of the situation.
+I need not tell you that I did not lose my presence of mind--indeed, I
+never do--and I politely asked her if she had ever tasted crab, and
+effectually persuaded her that they were much better eating than
+lobster, and undertook to procure her a beauty (thinking all the time,
+of course, of our mutual friend), on the understanding that I should go
+quite free. It's very sad and all that sort of thing, no doubt, about
+the little oyster--sweet little chuck--indeed, I am more sorry than I
+appear to be about it, but really what can one do?" And the lobster
+shrugged his bristling shoulders. "Speaking to you," he continued, "as
+one man of the world to another, business is business after all, you
+know. And if we don't fulfil our obligations, where do we stand? Of
+course, I don't say but what a little chat with the conger might make it
+all right, and there's no harm in trying--she's a nice eel. I feel sure
+you would like her, at least I felt I should, when I invited her to be
+my supper--and if nothing comes of the meeting, well, we shall none of
+us be any worse off than we are at the present moment. If at any other
+time I can be of use to you, I do hope that you will not hesitate to
+come round and ask. Good day."
+
+'I now left him to search for the conger, whom I found dozing in a pool
+near the sea. I took her out and placed her gently on the sand, and she
+gradually opened her eyes and fastened them on me. I once more expounded
+the reasons why, in my opinion, this cruel arrangement should not be
+persisted in. I quite astonished myself by my own eloquence, which grew
+more impassioned as I proceeded, and noticed that the old conger seemed
+deeply impressed. As I came to the most affecting parts of my argument
+the expression in her eyes grew really tender, and at the mention of
+the little blue point a tear gathered in each eye and slowly coursed
+down her shiny form. At the conclusion of my appeal the conger drew in a
+deep breath and replied:--"Well, I never! Now that is what I really do
+call good and kind. Oh pray come and sit down beside me on the sand and
+tell me all about it--now do, and tell me what first put it into your
+head--it is so very nice to come across a little real sentiment in these
+matter-of-fact times." Without waiting for me to proceed she rattled
+on:--"Upon my word, you really must have the kindest heart in the
+world--but are you quite sure you are comfy? Why not come round the
+other side; you'll be out of the wind there, and we can talk it over
+without anything to interfere with us. I quite agree with you in
+everything you have said, and I must say that I know of nothing more
+delightful than to find one's own thoughts expressed so much more
+clearly than one could do it oneself. Do you know, I am quite delighted
+to have met you, and hope that this is the commencement of one of those
+lasting friendships...."
+
+[Illustration: WE COOKED ONE GREAT STEAK]
+
+'Thus she gabbled on, and thinking to myself, here, at last, is a
+kind-hearted soul, I asked her to promise to take the baby oyster back
+to its sorrowing mother, when she received it from the lobster. "What an
+extremely kind thought," she replied; "I assure you there is nothing in
+the whole world I would love to do so much as to take the little thing
+back to its Ma." Glancing dreamily at the sky the old eel
+continued:--"Dear little mite! I can see it even now, in my mind's eye,
+as it skips to its mother; she, dear soul, the while shedding pearls of
+delight,--a memory to carry to your grave. But I expect you must be
+going now--no doubt you are as busy as the rest of us--are they all well
+at home?--good-bye," and she prepared to return to the sea. "But, my
+dear woman," I protested, "I have not yet received your promise to see
+the little oyster home." "Now," said the eel, "pray don't spoil the
+pleasant evening we have had--but never mind--don't look so
+serious--come round some evening with the wife and children--don't say
+you won't." "But, Madam," I answered, "I am waiting for your promise to
+see the little one home." "My dear Sir," she replied at last, growing
+rather red in the face, "I can give you nothing of the kind, and must
+really refer you to the whale who captured me a little while ago, and
+only released me because I promised to procure him a lobster, which I
+persuaded him would be much more digestible and less bilious than I
+should prove to be as a meal."
+
+'I now went in search of the whale, whom I discovered disporting himself
+in the sea a very little way from the shore. Taking my shoes and
+stockings off, I waded as near to him as I dared, and to conciliate him
+right off I wore as benignant an expression as I could assume and thus
+addressed him: "Of one thing I am convinced," said I, "and it is that
+you are the last person in all the world who would willingly give pain
+to anything,--least of all to a baby oyster." "Quite so, quite so,"
+snorted the whale, "and what is more I never have and, upon my soul, I
+never _will_." "Bravo, good resolution," cried I, and then in moving
+terms I explained the situation and urged him to take the blue pointlet
+back to its mother on receiving it from the conger eel. "What is this
+you say," roared the whale; "do you mean to tell me that in exchange for
+her own fat self that villainous conger-eel now offers me a baby oyster
+instead of the promised lobster? Is it for this gross insult that I
+allowed her to resume her wretched existence? Well, I'm thundered!" and
+the enraged monster leapt seventy feet into the air. "Where is she?"
+roared he, and made off in the direction of the conger.
+
+'But the old girl was one too many for the whale this time, and having
+heard his remarks on her conduct, off she darted after the lobster,
+saying to herself that as the whole arrangement had fallen through, she
+might just as well sup off the lobster,--besides, the claws would stew
+up quite well for the children's dinner to-morrow. The lobster in his
+turn, seeing the conger approach, at once understood that the affair was
+all off and left his little cave by the back door as conger entered by
+the front, and made for the place where he knew he would find the crab,
+arguing to himself thus:--"At any rate, the crab will make an excellent
+supper to which I have every right; for after all, as I have before
+remarked, business is business, and he will certainly be unable to
+fulfil his obligations." The saucy crab, however, saw him coming along
+with his mouth wide open ready to gobble him up, and shouted tauntingly
+to him:--"Keep your bristles on, old prawn" and ran off after the whelk.
+"Nothing really matters," thought he, "and as I feel a bit peckish I may
+as well eat up friend whelk and the blue pointlet 'll come in for a
+light breakfast in the morning." The cowardly whelk, reading the crab's
+evil intention in his eyes offered him the baby oyster. "Thanks, old
+flint," said the crab, "I'll have you first and the youngster another
+time," and he pounced on the whelk and ate him right up. But as he was
+crawling off in great comfort the old lobster overtook him and in no
+time polished him off. The lobster, now too contented to move quickly,
+was slowly returning to the water when up came the conger-eel who,
+without any delay, proceeded to strangle him and then to gobble him up.
+After her feast, the old girl, in her turn, felt drowsy. "I think," said
+she, "I now deserve a nap," and she lay down in a pool and went fast
+asleep. Presently the whale came along, having been hunting for the
+conger all over the place. As soon as he caught sight of her he roared
+in his wrath, "Is this what you call keeping your bargain?" and with one
+gulp he bolted her,--head, fins, tail and all.
+
+'Then, having accomplished his revenge, and at the same time satisfied
+his appetite, his contentment was complete and he rolled over on his
+side in the shallow water, and fell into a deep sleep.
+
+'Now, thought I, is this not providential? Is there not here not merely
+the evening meal I left my cave to seek, but many meals for my good wife
+and children,--enough in fact to ward off hunger throughout the winter
+that is now fast approaching. Taking up a great rock I hurled it with
+all my force at the head of the whale and killed it on the spot. I now
+proceeded to cut up the great creature and carry it, piece by piece, to
+my cave, and that very night, when it was all safely stowed, we cooked
+one great steak for supper, waking the children in order that they might
+share the meal, and the remainder my good wife preserved in brine. Thus
+in comfort we lived the winter through.
+
+'The little oyster found its way back to its mother, and so grateful
+were they both for my endeavours to help them, that they took up their
+abode with us. Bertram grew to a fine chubby blue point. "Just like his
+father," said the proud mother, and nothing reached our hearts so nearly
+as his playful, charming ways.'
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE MUSICIAN]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE MUSICIAN
+
+
+Sometimes now the old King showed signs of weariness, and Bill bethought
+him that a little music occasionally might soothe his nerves. So in the
+very next town they came to he engaged the only musician in the place,
+and very willing he was too to come along.
+
+He played very wonderful music on his old concertina, often assisted
+with his voice, and one evening, after a very beautiful performance, the
+talented creature related the following story to his enchanted
+hearers:--
+
+'Right glad have I been, good fellows all, to join you in this your
+noble enterprise to right our stout old brother of Troy here, and in
+good time I trust that my great deeds shall prove my sincerity. But, in
+the meantime, as supper hour draws on apace, and the frizzling cutlets
+do scent the evening air, a little story should not be amiss to distract
+your anxious minds, and thus to check the impatience of your appetite.
+
+'Know then, my jovial birds, my cunning blades, that I am the eldest son
+of that Prince of Polynesia who united the scattered kingdoms of this
+unwieldy archipelago into one vast empire, over which he ruled with
+even-handed justice and some common-sense until his death. Ah! lads, if
+all had their rights I should at the present moment be seated on the
+soft cushions of my father's throne, and maybe more able to be of help
+to you than I am now; but you must take the will for the deed.
+
+'My word! what a plump and healthy child was I, and withal as jolly and
+as hearty as the day was long. Moreover, was not I the pride of the
+empire and the envy of all the other kings and princes who had ever seen
+or heard of me? Alas! who could have foretold that I was thus early in
+life destined to have a real good taste of the troubles of this weary
+world, and, though surrounded by every care and attention and the object
+of the greatest affection that ever bubbled in the human heart, shortly
+to become the victim of the meanest spite.
+
+'But to proceed with the yarn--neither care nor expense was spared in my
+upbringing, to which possibly more thought was devoted than even to the
+education of our very well-educated and trustworthy friend, the buxom
+Sicilian char-woman. At all events, the most certificated nurses
+procurable were continually being engaged, but apparently only to be
+dismissed again, for, almost perfect as most of them were, I can assure
+you that, in the course of a very little time they were certain, of
+course, to reveal (as was only natural) some slight weakness, and I ask
+you, good comrades all, which of us is without 'em? This overcarefulness
+on the part of my good parents was to be the cause of the disaster that
+was soon entirely to change the trend of my life.
+
+'It came about in this way. One of the discharged nurses, indignant at
+what, with some show of reason, she considered an injustice to herself
+(she had been dismissed for curling my hair only a little to the right
+instead of quite to the right), resolved to revenge herself on her late
+master and mistress, in such a manner as should be most likely to leave
+them wretched for the remainder of their lives. Knowing the
+overextravagance of their affection for me, she cruelly determined to
+strike them in this, their weakest spot. One dark night, after cleverly
+evading the ever-wakeful guards, she crept into my father's palace.
+Stealing up the main staircase without attracting observation, she
+arrived at the now empty throne-room, which she stealthily traversed,
+keeping all the while close to the wall. She then passed through the
+little door at the left of the grand throne and found herself in the
+billiard-room. She had not, however, taken two steps therein when a
+fearful panic seized her, for what should she behold but the stout form
+of my rare old dad the emperor leaning over the table, apparently in the
+act of making a brilliant stroke. A few seconds' consideration, however,
+served to convince the vengeful creature that he was fast asleep.
+Gnashing her teeth at the old gentleman, she hurried across the room and
+entered the library, in which my good mother was seated, reading. But so
+absorbed was the good lady in her book that she took no notice whatever
+of the agile intruder, as she entered by one door and swiftly left by
+the other. She now successively passed through the state ball-room, the
+music-room, the third best drawing-room, the second best ball-room, and
+the state bed-room, and mounting the back stairs, came to the suite of
+rooms occupied by the nurses, and eventually reached the nurses'
+dining-hall, into which my nursery led, without having excited any one's
+observation.
+
+'Opening my door very quietly, she peeped in. All was dark inside except
+for the glimmer of a night-light which shone on the frilling of my
+cradle and on the form of the nurse then in office, who had fallen
+asleep over her supper of stewed apples. Creeping in quietly, the
+evil-minded woman lifted my sleeping form from the cradle, so gently
+that she did not awaken me, and, holding me closely to her, once more
+successfully passed through all the apartments she had already
+traversed, without arousing any suspicion, and at length found herself
+again in the open air.
+
+'Without losing a moment, she now made off to the woods, and after
+wandering in these for some time, she met an old witch with whom, no
+doubt, she had an appointment. Seated on the grass, the two women
+haggled and haggled, and at last the treacherous nurse sold me to the
+witch for three cocoanuts, and then went on her way and out of my life
+for ever.
+
+'Now it happened that the old witch lived in the hollow trunk of a tree
+with her foster son, a tiny gnome named Orpheus, as quaint a little
+object as ever I set eyes on, who played incessantly and most
+beautifully on an old concertina, the very one, in fact, which I now
+carry with me. The little fellow had been found some years before by the
+old witch wandering near the ruins of an old temple in the very middle
+of the wood. To whom he belonged, and whence he had come, no one
+knew,--not even he himself, perhaps. However, the old girl adopted him,
+and now nothing could exceed the motherly affection with which she
+regarded this dry and shrivelled-up little chap,--unless, indeed, it was
+the ardour with which the grateful gnome returned it. In fact, I learned
+some time afterwards that the old witch had purchased me solely that I
+might be a companion for this rum little person.
+
+[Illustration: SHE NOW MADE OFF TO THE WOODS]
+
+'The old girl, weird as was her general appearance, did all she could to
+make me comfortable,--in fact far more than an ordinary witch would have
+dreamt of doing,--and in recognition of her well-intentioned attitude
+towards myself, I encouraged the spark of friendliness I began to feel
+for her. But for her darling son, as soon as I grew accustomed to his
+quaint appearance, and realised his kindness of heart and friendly
+disposition towards myself, I conceived a great affection. He would
+climb to the topmost branches of our tree, to practise his exercises
+every morning, in order that I should not be worried with melancholy
+repetitions, and, when perfected in some melody, who shall describe the
+unaffected joy with which he would come down and play it for my delight?
+How often in the moonlight (I lying on the grass at his side) would he
+play over and over again to me some melancholy air, while our
+foster-mother, mayhap, would be sweeping the dead leaves from our abode,
+and preparing it for our night's repose.
+
+[Illustration: HE WOULD CLIMB TO THE TOPMOST BRANCHES]
+
+'Not I alone was gratified and enchanted by his dulcet tones, for all
+the creatures of the woodland drew near and listened as night gradually
+covered the sky, and he played through his evening pieces.
+
+[Illustration: And played it for my delight]
+
+'Elephants hovered around in the shadows of the trees, and sighed great
+slobbering sighs. Bullfinches, sparrows, eagles, flamingoes, wild geese,
+peacocks, turkeys, cranes, pelicans, and every manner of bird, thronged
+the branches of the trees, and, with their heads and beaks sunk almost
+into their feathers, opened and closed their eyes in their
+rapturous surprise. The lions and tigers sprawled about, wishing, in
+pure shame at their habitual monstrous cruelties, that they had been
+vegetarians from the very beginning: such power had the music of
+Orpheus. Even the mad-headed monkeys and apes, sitting in rows amongst
+the trees, thought, Good heavens! what fools they were! and, blushing at
+their childish tricks, wondered if it yet were possible to reform and
+take a serious view of life. The old snake, quite overcome and
+enthralled by the delicious strains, opened wide his jaws, and allowed
+the little missel-thrush to nestle therein, and, thus protected from the
+night-air, to listen to the music in comfort. However, no lasting
+reformation was ever effected in their untamed natures, for no sooner
+had the music ceased than each scurried away, once again to resume his
+depredations and savage ways.
+
+'It happened one evening that the gnome surpassed himself by his
+rendering of some enchanting melodies, and every one was quite
+enthralled and rendered almost helpless. The birds sank their heads and
+beaks lower and lower into their feathers, as the music proceeded, until
+they were no longer visible. The lions and tigers rolled on their backs
+in the grass, in an agony of despair at their own unreformable lives:
+the elephants turned quite white, and trembled so violently that they
+could hardly support their own huge bulks and leant against one another
+to prevent themselves coming down with a crash; such a great lump had
+risen in the throat of the giraffe as quite distorted his otherwise
+graceful neck; while the monkeys gibbered and blubbered tearfully to
+themselves, and the old rascal of a snake slipped right off into a
+trance.
+
+'At last the music ceased, and the little musician left me while he went
+in to hang up his musical instrument in safety. Meanwhile, in spite of
+the state to which they had been elevated, the absurd creatures had all
+scurried off, as usual, with no other thought in their savage minds than
+to get each his own supper at any cost. The old snake, however, did not
+recover as quickly as the others, and when at length he awakened from
+his trance, he could see that all the others had vanished, and that I
+was lying on the grass, quite unprotected, the gnome not having, as yet,
+returned to my side. "Ha, ha!" said he to himself, his savage nature
+having returned in all its force, "what a slice of luck! By gum! I never
+see such a beauty. Won't the youngsters be just delighted!" He rapidly
+slithered in my direction and, quickly tying the end of his long form
+securely round me, slithered away again, carrying me through the long
+grass at a bewildering speed.
+
+'After travelling in this rough fashion for some time, we at length came
+to a clearing in the heart of the wood, in which stood all that remained
+of the ancient temple, and amongst its fallen columns and walls,
+overgrown as they were with wild flowers and tall grasses, the old snake
+had made his home, where he lived in comfort with his wife and a large
+brood of pranksome snakelets.
+
+'We were greeted by the youngsters with every mark of joy and surprise.
+"How good of you, Henry," cried the mother, "and what a really fine
+specimen! Shall we have him to-night, or keep him for next Tuesday, my
+birthday you know, dear?" After a little talk it was decided that I
+should be held over until the next Tuesday, and in the meantime I was
+placed in the larder, and given plenty of odd scraps to eat, no doubt to
+keep me plump and in good condition.
+
+'Tuesday came round in due course and, in order to celebrate the day in
+a manner suitable to the greatness of the occasion, the old snake
+invited all his neighbours. When I was brought out of the larder, on a
+large dish, roars of delight rose to the sky from the throats of the
+assembled guests, all seated round on the fallen stones of the ruined
+temple.
+
+'The old lion was there, smacking his lips in anticipation of a nice
+cut, and the tiger's mouth was visibly watering at the prospect of such
+a feast: while, as for the little snakelets, they kept up quite a
+clamour in their impatience to get at me. The monkeys, of course,
+contributed their share to the general uproar, though they seemed more
+inclined to fasten their eyes on the filberts and almonds with which I
+was garnished. The eagles took the whole thing very seriously and,
+flapping their great wings, screeched to the sky in their eagerness to
+begin; and all the other guests, the giraffes, the zebras, the hippos,
+the storks, the flamingoes, the wild cats, the pelicans, the wild geese,
+the peacocks, the turkeys, and every thinkable animal contributing to
+the general noise, there was such an awful din that the snake could only
+obtain silence by using the thin end of his long body as a flail on the
+drum-like sides of the elephant. He then made a few remarks on the
+importance of the occasion, and referred to his wife in quite a graceful
+way, for a snake; and, continuing, asked one of the guests to volunteer
+to carve. The stork, having a very convenient beak for the purpose,
+stood up and offered his services, which were gratefully accepted.
+
+'I was now placed on the grass directly in front of the carver, who was
+about to skewer me with his long and sharp beak, when there came to our
+ears from far away amongst the trees that surrounded us on every side,
+the sweet harmonies of that lovely song "The Pond where Herbert
+Drownded," played with the greatest sympathy on the concertina. At once
+the stork turned its head in the direction whence the sound proceeded,
+and as it gradually drew nearer and nearer I became more and more
+convinced that such music could only be produced by my friend and
+foster-brother.
+
+'All the creatures in varying degrees were affected; the snake and his
+wife coiled themselves on the grass and gasped in rapture; the stork and
+all the birds closed their eyes, and their heads sank lower and lower
+into their fluffy bodies, until like balls of feathers they rolled over
+and lay trembling in the grass.
+
+[Illustration: SWEEPING THE DEAD LEAVES]
+
+'The lion and tiger were so overcome that they leant their old heads on
+their paws and sobbed aloud, while the monkeys grew fidgety and quite
+self-conscious at first, and then abandoned themselves to the melancholy
+aroused by the music.
+
+'The gnome, whom I afterwards learnt had been wandering about the wood
+playing mournful airs on his concertina ever since he had missed me, now
+drew near, and finishing "The Pond where Herbert Drownded" proceeded
+with "Poor Molly Dawson" and other tunes of an equally affecting
+nature. On seeing that all were sufficiently bowled over, he struck up
+with "Oh, Jack, he was a Bright Spark," and so lively and brisk was the
+measure that up they all jumped and danced and danced with the greatest
+spirit.
+
+'The strangest figure of all was cut by the old snake who pirouetted on
+the end of his tail at the greatest speed, in which weird performance he
+was soon joined by his wife. The eagle extended his wings and waltzed
+with the elephant; the lion and tiger spun round, holding each other by
+the paw, so quickly that it was almost impossible to see them; the old
+turtle rolled over on the back of its shell and span like a teetotum,
+with the silly monkeys linking hands and in one wide ring skipping
+around it; in fact, all got up and jumped and lumped and sprawled about
+in the most ridiculous fashion until they were quite out of breath.
+Nevertheless, Orpheus would not let them rest, but marched off playing
+the most exciting music, and all the infatuated creatures, quite
+forgetful of their banquet, followed him through the wood. Strange
+enough, in all conscience, was this, but how much stranger by far was it
+when the very stones of the ruin leapt up, and rolling over and over,
+also followed in this odd procession as it tramped and crashed through
+the trees.
+
+'From where I was seated on the dish I could hear the sounds of the
+music gradually fading away, as the musician led the noisy crew further
+and further off; the crash of the falling branches and the crackle of
+the breaking underwood died down in the distance and I knew that I was
+saved.
+
+[Illustration: WITH NO OTHER WEALTH THAN MY CONCERTINA]
+
+'The little gnome led the bewitched creatures such a dance through the
+wood that one by one they fell down in a state of collapse, and when the
+last was quite overcome, the faithful fellow returned to the temple and
+carried me home.
+
+'Never again did they leave me alone for a single second until I was
+able to take care of myself, and I spent the years of my boyhood in
+great happiness with these two simple and kindly souls. Brother Orpheus
+took no end of pains in teaching me to play the concertina and, eager
+to learn, I soon became proficient. But, dear lads, clever as you know
+me to be, never could I even approach the skill of my good and patient
+master.
+
+'In the course of time the old witch had to die, and the grief of her
+little foster son was so great at his loss that, try as I would, I could
+not in any way lighten it. One day soon after I missed the little man,
+and he never returned again. All that he left behind him for me to
+remember him by was his old concertina.
+
+'I waited by the tree for many a long day, still thinking that he would
+return, until I was compelled at last to abandon all hope of ever seeing
+him again. I wandered out into the world with no other wealth than my
+concertina, but how often since have I had to bless the memory of my
+little friend who thus endowed me with the means of subsistence, and, at
+the same time, with a protection against all manner of evil.'
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE LOST GROCER]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE LOST GROCER
+
+
+For many and many a weary mile the persevering little band had now
+trudged on without meeting with any adventure worth relating, and every
+one was longing for the end of their travels, when one lovely evening
+they came across a good-natured-looking policeman, fast asleep on a
+stile by the roadside. The tramp, tramp of the army awakened him, and
+with a gentle smile he got off his perch and walked alongside the King.
+Charmed with his easy manner, the King jokingly asked him of what he had
+been dreaming that he smiled so pleasantly. 'Oh, of old times and old
+friends,' the policeman replied, and then as he walked along he thus
+related the strangest of experiences:--
+
+'Many years ago it was my happy lot to be the principal policeman of
+the pleasant little town of Troutpeg, situated, as you know, on the
+banks of the river Peg, just where it flows into the estuary of the
+Drip, that here broadens into that well-known land-locked harbour of the
+same name, and thus finally finds its way to the sea. Nestling amongst
+its stone-capped hills, the happy place seemed designed by a kind nature
+as a retreat for all who were blithe and amiable, and such indeed it
+proved to be, for no more kindly and genial souls than the Troutpegsters
+could be found. Their simplicity was delightful, though perhaps such as
+to incline them all the more readily to believe in the wild legends of
+the country-side. Many were the strange stories told by the shepherds,
+who tended their flocks on the hills at night, of wild rites, and
+uncouth dances performed by ghostly beings, in the light of the moon,
+amidst the ancient circles of Druid stones. Little else, however, was
+there to disturb the peaceful thoughts of the Troutpegsters.
+
+'The prosperity of the township was so great, and the comfort of each of
+its inhabitants so well assured that for many years no wickedness of any
+kind had shown its head, and the life of a policeman in this happy and
+secluded town was one long summer holiday. To be sure, a little skirmish
+here and there amongst the lads might make it wise gently to exert my
+authority, or a little quarrel amongst the girls call forth a slight
+rebuke, but otherwise my life was one of unbroken peace.
+
+'My dearest friend was the tea-grocer, a man of sad and dreamy ways and
+quite devoid of guile, who returned my affection with all the ardour of
+a singularly loving nature. He shared his every joy with me, and when
+his holidays came round no greater recreation could he find than in my
+society. Walking by my side as I strolled along my beat, he would
+confide to me his simple hopes and fears, and in his troubles seek my
+readily extended sympathy. Such simplicity and inoffensive mien had he
+as brought to him a rich harvest of respect and love, together with the
+custom of his fellow-townsmen.
+
+'In time his little store became quite an evening resort for those older
+townsmen who, no longer able to race about the green when work was done,
+would perhaps look in to purchase half a pound of coffee or tea, or
+sugar or salt for the good wife, and stay chatting with the amiable
+grocer. Then maybe one would look in to buy an ounce of tobacco, or the
+excellent snuff for which the grocer was far famed, and so on and so on
+until the shop was full. Seated around on the tea-chests, coffee bins,
+tobacco boxes and snuff tins, many a pleasant evening have we spent,
+enlivened by good-natured arguments and discussions on every conceivable
+subject.
+
+'One sultry summer's afternoon, as I was standing thinking in the
+cobbled high-street, the quiet of the still warm day disturbed only by
+the gentle breathing of the shopmen as they dozed amongst their wares,
+or the distant bleating of the sheep as they browsed in and out the
+rocks and Druid stones capping the surrounding hills, the comforting
+remembrance came to me of many a refreshing cup of tea partaken with the
+grocer in the snug little parlour behind his shop. With hardly a thought
+of what I was about, I allowed my idle steps gently to stray towards the
+homely store of my friend. Entering therein, and finding that he was
+away from home, I sat me down upon the little chair, so thoughtfully
+provided for weary customers, and with my head supported by the counter,
+resumed my broken train of thought until, completely overcome by a sense
+of drowsy comfort, I feel asleep.
+
+'I was suddenly awakened by the church clock striking eight, and found
+that all the town was wrapped in slumber and that the grocer had not yet
+returned. Wondering what on earth could keep him away so late, and
+hoping that no harm had overtaken him, I stiffly arose from my seat,
+stretched myself, and betook me to my home and bed.
+
+'On the following morning my first thought was for my friend, and on
+learning that he had not returned during the night, I called in turn on
+each of his neighbours,--the doctor, the vicar, the solicitor, the
+postman, and the corn-chandler, and many another equally interested in
+his movements. Not one, however, had seen him since the previous day,
+and all showed the liveliest concern and anxiety at his mysterious
+absence.
+
+'Night followed day, and day again followed night, with no sign of the
+vanished grocer. Weeks now passed by, and grief took possession of the
+little town at the loss of one who was missed at every turn. Hoping that
+even yet he might return, we kept his shop still open for him, and the
+little birds, encouraged by the silence, flew in and out and nested in
+the scales and amongst the stores, glutting their fluffy little bodies
+with the sugar-plums, the currants, the herbs and spices that everywhere
+abounded. And even the swallows, so much entertainment did they find
+therein, forgot, as the summer drew to its close, to fly away,
+preferring much to sleep the winter through in comfort.
+
+'But alas! months, and years and years and years rolled by, and the
+grocer never returned, and in time little enough thought was given to
+one who had, at one time, been held in such esteem by all. But we, the
+older Troutpegsters, still thought at times of our vanished friend, and
+many were the theories we suggested to account for his disappearance.
+
+'One held that he had been beguiled by gypsies, another that he had been
+stolen to be exhibited as a rare model of virtue in some distant clime,
+while others believed that the fairies, envious of our happiness in
+possessing such a friend, had taken him from our midst; but all agreed
+that we should have guarded our treasure with greater care.
+
+'One never-to-be-forgotten evening the doctor, the solicitor, the
+vicar, the corn-chandler, and myself (some of us already stricken in
+years) were seated, as was now our evening custom, upon the rustic
+bridge that carries the road across the river Peg. The fragrant smoke of
+our long pipes rising to the evening sky, our conversation, as was now
+so frequently the case, had drifted from politics, sport, fashions and
+the latest police intelligence to lovingly-recalled memories of our
+long-lost friend, and so sad did we become that lumps as large as egg
+plums rose to our throats, and our eyes brimmed over with tears.
+
+[Illustration: AFFECTED BY HIS STORY]
+
+'Drying our eyes we now smoked on in silent contemplation of the past;
+the night gradually drew down, and the first star appeared in the
+cloudless sky when there came to us the sound of a distant footstep,
+coming along the road towards the town, and presently a strange figure
+hove in sight,--an old, old man, with long tangled grey hair and shaggy
+beard, clothed in the most pitiable rags, torn, and held together with
+straw and odd pieces of string. He passed slowly across the bridge,
+leaning heavily on his staff, and limped with difficulty towards the
+town, into which with one accord we followed him.
+
+[Illustration: PLUMP INTO THE RIVER WE WENT]
+
+'Down the cobbled high street he walked until he came to the shop of the
+vanished grocer into which he turned without any hesitation. Wondering
+what business could take him there, we all hastened to the door of the
+shop, and there, with the utmost astonishment, beheld the stranger
+remove his threadbare coat, and replace it with the grocer's moth-eaten
+apron that had hung for so long from a peg on the door; then he
+commenced dusting the shop and putting it straight. As I gazed, my
+astonishment gave place to the most incredulous amazement when I
+detected in the old man a fancied likeness to the departed grocer. At
+last, after closer scrutiny, I was convinced that it was indeed no other
+than my friend actually returned after all these years, and as he at the
+same time more easily recognised me, we fell into each other's arms, and
+who shall describe the extravagance of our joy?
+
+'In a little while, when we had calmed down, we all retired to the
+little parlour behind the shop, and our good friend brewed us a cup of
+tea as of old, and after a little gentle persuasion related to us the
+following strange story of his disappearance:--
+
+'"On that memorable summer afternoon, many years ago, as I was weighing
+out the sugar into pound and half-pound packets (which, as you may
+remember, was my rule at that time of day to prepare for the evening
+trade), a strange old gentleman, clothed in the deepest black from cap
+to slippers, yet withal possessed of the most snowy ringlets and beard,
+entered my shop and begged of me some food for his family, assuring me
+that they were all slowly dying of starvation.
+
+'"Affected by his story, I was making up for him a parcel containing
+lentils, raisins, dates, figs, sugar, and other goods which I thought
+might be acceptable, when, to my astonishment, the ungrateful old rascal
+snatched up a large tin of the finest snuff, which you will remember I
+used to sell in great quantities, and bolted with it out of the shop.
+
+'"Without a moment's hesitation I divested myself of my apron, and
+donning my coat, followed him at the greatest speed. Away he ran down
+the high street towards the bridge, which he very soon crossed, and now
+along the river bends he sped, with me close at his heels. For miles we
+ran, even as far as the source of the river Peg, which we doubled and
+came tearing down the other side. I now perceived that, in spite of his
+age, he ran almost quicker than I did. Presently into the river he
+plunged, I following close, and then he retraced his steps towards its
+source. Once more plump into the river we went, and as I scrambled up
+the opposite bank I noticed to my dismay that, while I grew more tired
+and out of breath as we ran, he became brisker and fresher. Discarding
+his hat, cloak, and slippers, though still holding on to the snuff tin,
+he now appeared in robes of dazzling white, which, with his hair and
+long white beard, flowed behind him as he ran, and gradually increased
+the distance between us.
+
+[Illustration: Followed him at the greatest speed]
+
+'"Soon I could perceive that he was making for the hill above the town
+which, with no difficulty at all, he mounted long before I had reached
+its foot, and when at last I struggled to the top the old rogue was
+seated upon one of the Druid stones that here in one great circle crown
+the hill, smiling, and hugging to himself the while the tin of snuff. On
+seeing me again, he soon jumped down, and I dodged him in and out
+of the stones for at least three hours by the church clock, and then
+weary and utterly dejected I sat me down on a stone in the centre of the
+ring and wept bitterly. Directly beneath me I could see, through my
+tears, the lights of our little town shine out here and there from the
+gathering darkness, while over the hills, away to my left, the edge of
+the full red moon began to show. As higher and higher it climbed the
+sky, one by one there leapt from the earth beneath each stone an aged
+Druid all clothed in white, with long waving grey locks and beard, and
+crowned with garlands of oak leaves, holly, laurels, and mistletoe. When
+the circle of Druids was quite complete the old rascal who had lured me
+from my shop, and who now appeared to be their chief, stepped towards
+me, now far too bewildered and astounded to resist, and solemnly placed
+upon my brow a wreath of wild violets. Then separately, each of the
+Druids came forward with some offering which he placed before me,
+afterwards returning to his place in the circle, so that presently there
+grew upon the grass in front of me a great mound of vegetables, fruit,
+flowers, haunches of venison, fowls, hares, rabbits, and young lambs. At
+length, every Druid having made his offering, their chief handed round
+the tin of snuff from which each old fellow took a large pinch, and
+then, linking hands, they danced wildly round me.
+
+[Illustration: THERE GREW IN FRONT OF ME A GREAT MOUND]
+
+'"In utter silence, by the light of the moon, now high in the sky, these
+solemn rites were performed, and still without a sound they whirled
+quicker and quicker around me, their feet hardly seeming to touch the
+ground, and their long loose garments streaming after them as they flew.
+
+'"Presently the distant chime of the church clock striking twelve
+reached me from the town below and I gradually fell into a trance, as
+one by one the old Druids sank into the earth beneath the stones.
+
+'"Every day since then until to-day have I passed in complete oblivion,
+and every night have I awakened to find myself seated on the stone in
+the centre of the ring of Druids, with all the power of resistance taken
+from me, compelled to be the object of their weird rites.
+
+[Illustration: SNEEZING AND SNEEZING]
+
+'"Last night, however, just as the church clock began to strike twelve,
+such a rush of memories flooded my brain, and such a longing to see my
+old home and friends took possession of me, that a terrible rage at the
+cruel tyranny of the Druids had gathered in my bosom before the clock
+had finished striking the hour. When it was about to strike the last
+beat, I arose from my seat in the centre of the circle and approaching
+the wicked old chief, I snatched the snuff tin from his hands and
+clapped it, snuff and all, right down over his eyes. Strange to say the
+contents of the tin had not diminished by so much as a single pinch, and
+such a fit of sneezing seized the old scoundrel that he rolled on the
+grass in the greatest distress, quite unable to put the usual spell upon
+me. All the other Druids, with abject terror expressed on their faces,
+sank at once into the ground. The form of the head Druid, sneezing and
+sneezing and sneezing, gradually faded away before my eyes, and long
+after he had completely disappeared the sneezing could still be heard.
+Eventually this died away, and pulling my clothes together as best I
+could (for by now they were all in rags), I made the best of my way
+home."
+
+'Having finished his story the grocer now became very thoughtful, and we
+all sat round his little room smoking in silence until far into the
+night, wondering at the strange events he had related. Next day, and for
+a whole week, great festivities were held to celebrate his return, and
+the Mayor very willingly resigned his office in favour of one who was
+held in such esteem. Innumerable presentations were made to him and
+addresses read to him, yet, in spite of all the honours he received,
+never did he forget his old friends. Nor was he too proud to serve in
+his little shop, now enlivened by the songs of the birds he had not the
+heart to turn away. He spent the remainder of his useful life in the
+performance of kind deeds and in well-deserved happiness.'
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE MERCHANT'S WIFE AND THE MERCHANT]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE MERCHANT'S WIFE AND THE MERCHANT
+
+
+'Very, very good, indeed,' the King remarked when the policeman had
+finished his story, and he was so pleased that he gave all the
+youngsters a half-holiday, with strict injunctions to be back in time
+for tea.
+
+At tea-time they all came skipping back, bringing with them a little old
+man they had found, apparently lost, and moping about the common. He
+carried in front of him a pedlar's tray, on which were exposed for sale
+many little oddments, such as reels of cotton, needles, pins, ribbons,
+and even little toys, which he now hawked round amongst the assembled
+company. As many as were able bought some small thing or other out of
+kindness to the little merchant, and the good-natured old monarch
+invited him to tea.
+
+While they were all enjoying this meal, they were disturbed by a great
+noise, very much like the galloping of a horse, and suddenly, without
+any warning, right into their midst there leapt a very large woman, who
+immediately seized upon the little merchant, and attempted to drag him
+away. Bill at once went to the assistance of the little fellow, and
+endeavoured to pacify his assailant. At length the irate creature calmed
+down, and addressing the company in an aggrieved tone, said:--'It's all
+very well for you people to stand up for this wicked man, but not one of
+you knows the dance the little wretch has led me for the last fifteen
+years.'
+
+'Of course,' the King answered, 'it is hardly to be expected that we
+should know anything of either of you, considering that this is the very
+first time we have had the pleasure of meeting you. Perhaps you will be
+so kind as to enlighten us, and explain to us your strange conduct.'
+
+The large woman now sat down upon the grass and said:--'Well, I suppose
+I had better do so. Give me a cup of tea, and I'll let you know all
+there is to know.'
+
+A cup of tea was accordingly handed to her, from which she took a sip,
+and then proceeded thus:--
+
+'About fifteen years ago I was so unfortunate as to wed this poor
+specimen of a man you see before you, and we had not set up house
+together very long before I could see that he wanted thoroughly looking
+after, and, indeed, that he could hardly be allowed out by himself. Now
+this was very awkward, as his business required that he should be out
+all day, so I proposed to accompany him on his rounds. Holding him
+securely fastened to the end of a long cord, I never let him out of my
+sight for more than a minute at a time, and so kept him from mischief.
+After a year or so, however, this grew rather tiresome for me, as I had
+to neglect my household duties in attending upon my husband, and, in the
+end, was compelled to let him out again alone.
+
+[Illustration: Bringing with them a little old man]
+
+'But you may be sure I did not do this until I had laid down certain
+fixed rules for his behaviour, which I made him promise to obey. Amongst
+these, one was that he should start from home not a minute earlier and
+not a minute later than eight o'clock in the morning; another was, that
+if he returned either a minute earlier or a minute later than eight
+o'clock in the evening, he should go supperless to bed. And, would
+you believe me, in spite of all my care, he would sometimes return
+earlier and, as I learnt afterwards, remain outside until the clock
+struck eight, when he would creep in as though he had only just
+returned?
+
+'But my great trouble only began a few weeks ago, when, one evening,
+having cooked his nightly turnip, I waited patiently for my good man's
+return. At length the clock struck eight, and, to my surprise, it was
+not immediately followed by my husband's timid knock. One minute passed;
+two minutes passed; three minutes passed; four minutes passed; and, on
+the fifth minute, there was a low knock at the door, and in crept the
+miserable man, and cowered to his place. But, as you may suppose, there
+was no turnip for him _that_ night, until he had given a satisfactory
+explanation of his late return. The only excuse the frightened little
+ruffian had to offer was, that he had dropped a needle on the road, and
+had to return for it. So he went supperless to bed.
+
+'The next evening, having warmed up the old turnip, I again awaited his
+return. Eight o'clock struck, and, to my even greater surprise, it was
+not followed by the merchant's knock, and this time it was six minutes
+past before he entered, and with no better excuse for his late arrival
+than that he had dropped a reel of cotton on the road, and had to return
+for it. "Let this be a lesson to you, my man," said I, as I once more
+put away the turnip, which he had been regarding with longing eyes, and
+sent him to bed.
+
+'For the third time, on the following evening, I warmed up the turnip,
+feeling convinced that after the severe lesson he had received, my
+merchant would not again serve me such a trick. But eight o'clock
+struck, and then one minute passed; then two, three, four, five, six,
+seven, eight, nine, and as the minute-hand pointed to the ten, he
+crawled in on hands and knees, not daring to raise his eyes from the
+ground. And then I told him what I thought of his conduct.
+
+[Illustration: MOPING ABOUT THE COMMON]
+
+'Without waiting to hear a word of explanation, I now locked him in a
+cupboard beneath the stairs, put the turnip away, and went to bed. In
+the morning I let him out, but of course gave him no breakfast, and in
+due time he took his tray of goods, and left the house without a word.
+Hardly had he departed three minutes, when I hastily donned my bonnet
+and shawl, and followed him, determined to learn, if possible, what had
+delayed him on the three previous evenings. Keeping at a safe distance,
+I followed him all over the town, but nothing unusual happened. He
+called at every house, displaying his wares to any one likely to buy;
+selling a ribbon here, perhaps some pins or needles there, but his
+conduct, on the whole, seemed harmless enough. At length the day passed
+by, and the merchant started homewards; but he had not moved many paces,
+when he came to a stop, and seemed to debate in his mind whether he
+should return or not. Then, looking up and down the road, and seeing no
+one watching him, he suddenly took to his heels, and ran as hard as he
+could in the opposite direction. I lost no time in climbing over the
+wall, behind which I had been hiding, and quickly followed him. Out of
+the town the villain ran as swiftly as he could go, and I followed as
+close as possible, without being seen by him, and was only just in time
+to see the rogue climb into an old barrel that was standing, end up, in
+a field near the roadway. "Now," thought I, "I've got you in a trap, my
+fine fellow," and I ran up to the barrel. I could hardly believe the
+evidence of my eyes when I found it to be quite empty. Amazed beyond
+measure, I at last turned my steps towards home.
+
+'On arriving home, I found that my husband had not returned, and it was
+fully twenty minutes past eight when at last he appeared, but I was so
+astonished that I could not say a word to the little rascal, and once
+more he went supperless to bed.
+
+'For four more days I followed the little man without approaching a
+solution to this riddle. Each day he would go about his business in the
+usual manner and, in the evening, he would run to the barrel, into which
+he would speedily disappear. He came home later and later every night,
+until I could stand this state of things no longer; and, on the sixth
+day I determined never to return until I had satisfactorily cleared up
+this mystery. This time, instead of following my merchant through the
+town, I went direct to the barrel, and, hiding myself behind a bush near
+by, prepared to wait there all day and see what happened.
+
+'I had not made myself comfortable many minutes before I saw two old men
+coming along the road from the town; so old were they indeed, that they
+could only creep along by leaning one against the other. Right up to the
+barrel they crawled, and then, to my surprise, they scrambled over its
+sides and disappeared. Presently two more just as old and decrepit came
+along and disappeared in the same way. Now three more came, then two
+again, and then only one, all as old and wretched as could be, and each
+one crawled into the barrel and vanished. This went on for some time
+when, unable to restrain my curiosity and wondering why on earth the
+barrel didn't become full, I hurriedly left my hiding-place and looked
+therein, to find that it yet remained quite empty. I had barely time
+enough to regain my hiding-place when more and more old men came along
+the road and disappeared into the barrel.
+
+'This went on all day, and when the evening drew near, I could see my
+little man approaching from the town. As I expected, he walked straight
+up to the barrel, and in a twinkling had vanished inside. Without giving
+myself a moment to think, I once more left my hiding-place and climbed
+into the mysterious old tub. It was certainly rather a tight fit, but I
+managed to get in somehow or other. Presently I was astonished and
+alarmed to find that the bottom of the barrel, which I had imagined to
+rest on the earth, began to give way and open like a trap-door, and I
+felt myself sinking lower and lower, down a sort of well. The next
+thing, I found myself at the bottom of the well, and at the mouth of a
+tunnel so narrow and low that I could only go through it on my hands and
+knees. This, however, I proceeded to do, and found that it opened into a
+great chamber cut out of the solid rock.
+
+'Not daring to enter, I gazed into this strange place, which was lighted
+with many candles all affixed to the rocky walls with their own tallow.
+On the centre of the floor was piled a great heap of children's
+toys,--tin trumpets, wooden horses, drums, hoops, skipping-ropes,
+rocking-horses, peg-tops, in fact, every conceivable toy that a sensible
+child could wish for. Around this great heap, instead of children, sat
+all the poor miserable old men I had seen enter the barrel, and amongst
+them I now perceived my husband, who certainly seemed no happier than
+the rest. Securely hidden in the narrow passage from every one in the
+room, I could now watch all that took place, in the greatest comfort.
+
+'Not a word was said by any of the decrepit creatures as they stared
+absently at the toys in the middle of the room. Presently one whom I
+took to be their host, as I had not seen him enter the barrel, took from
+a peg on the wall, from which it had been suspended by a piece of
+string, an old bent tin pipe and proceeded to play. At once the wrinkled
+faces of the poor old fellows began to brighten up, and as the music
+grew more lively, they rocked their withered frames to and fro to the
+tunes. Soon, one by one, they stood upon their feet, and seeming to lose
+their old age as the music every moment became more enchanting, they
+forgot their feebleness and danced gaily about the room.
+
+'Younger and younger they grew, until my husband appeared to be such a
+dapper and bright little man that I could not prevent myself from
+leaving my hiding-place and going up to him and clasping him round the
+waist. Not a bit surprised did he seem to see me there, and as we
+danced merrily up and down the room, to my great joy and astonishment, I
+felt myself growing younger every moment, whilst the rest of the
+company, now all transformed to fine young men, danced in one circle
+round us, as handsome a couple as you would wish to see.
+
+[Illustration: KEPT HIM OUT OF MISCHIEF]
+
+'Still the magical music continued, and if anything grew more and more
+enchanting as we grew younger and younger, until we seemed to be
+frolicsome boys and girls once more. At last we found ourselves to be a
+crowd of little toddling children, and, my word! how we grabbed at the
+great heap of toys placed there for our amusement, and what a time we
+had to be sure!
+
+[Illustration: GLORIOUS TARTS AND SWEETS]
+
+'Under the great heap of toys, we discovered the most glorious tarts,
+pastries, cakes and sweets, and it didn't seem to matter how much you
+ate of them, for you never lost your appetite for more. At last, alas!
+the wonderful music quieted down, and by degrees we once more lost our
+childhood, then our youth, and, when the music suddenly stopped, we all
+returned to our old selves again, and fell flat on our faces quite tired
+out, while our host hung up his old tin pipe on its peg in the wall.
+
+'When we had all somewhat recovered, I fixed my eye upon my husband.
+"Now," thought I, "I've got you. This is how you waste your time, is it?
+And why you come home late for supper." The conscience-stricken
+creature trembled before my gaze, and then made a rush for the door. All
+made way for him, but I quickly followed through the tunnel and mounted
+a ladder which led to the trap-door at the bottom of the barrel, out of
+which I climbed, but only in time to see the rascal disappear into the
+town. I then made the best of my way home.
+
+[Illustration: IT DIDN'T MATTER HOW MUCH YOU ATE]
+
+'He had not returned when I arrived, so I waited three whole days and
+nights, prepared to make the unnatural man feel to the full my
+resentment at his shameful conduct. On the fourth day, as he had not
+come home, I went back to the tub, and not seeing any sign of him, I
+gave a kick to the old thing and sent it rolling over and over on its
+side. Would you believe me, there was not the slightest trace of any
+passage or well ever having existed beneath it. Since then I have
+wandered all over the country in search of this ungrateful wretch.' And
+the indignant woman, having finished her story, once more attempted to
+drag the affrighted little merchant away. Bill again intervened, and
+after a few very kind words, successfully persuaded her to allow her
+husband to remain with them, at the same time inviting her to make one
+of their brave band.
+
+This she only consented to do on condition that the policeman also never
+left them, 'as you never know,' said she, 'what the little wretch will
+be up to next.'
+
+The policeman having no objection to fall in with her wishes, they all
+marched on in peace.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS
+
+
+Time was now getting on, and the fidgety old King, weary of being
+constantly on the move, became more and more impatient to reach his
+journey's end. For many days they had been crossing the great desert,
+and were fast approaching the further side when, one evening, the
+aggravating old fellow decided that they should march on right through
+the night. In vain did Bill point out to him how tired they all were;
+the old King would not even listen to him, so, whether they liked it or
+not, they had to jog on.
+
+Wearily they trudged along, and towards morning they came upon a great
+stone sphinx, in the arms of which there nestled a company of little
+children, every one of whom was fast asleep. Presently, as the sun rose
+and shone under the lids of their eyes, they, one by one, awakened, and
+stared in mute astonishment at the dusty figures before them. Assuring
+them that they had nothing to fear at their hands, Bill, with the King's
+permission, invited them all to breakfast. Seated in a great circle on
+the sands, beneath the old sphinx, every one did his utmost to make the
+strangers comfortable and to remove their natural shyness; and, in a
+little while, it was a very jovial party that sat demolishing the
+substantial breakfast prepared for them. Many songs were sung and
+stories told by Bill and his comrades, and presently one of the little
+fellows, who appeared to be the youngest of their new friends, stood up
+and related the following story:--
+
+'We are all brothers and sisters, and lived, until yesterday, with our
+good parents upon a sandbank in the mouth of the river Blim which, as
+you know, is one of the smaller tributaries of the river Nile. Our
+father was a fisherman, and upon the only spot on the bank which
+remained invariably high and dry, the clever man had erected a shed
+which served us for home, and which, at least, protected us from the
+showers of spray blown from the rough seas, and the chill winds that
+blew across the neighbouring marshes, as well as the cold rains that, in
+the fall of the year, flooded the adjacent country for miles around. A
+dozen stout beams, that had been cast up by the waves, served, each with
+one end deeply embedded in the wet sand, as a framework for our humble
+mansion. These were covered over with numerous skins of fish and pieces
+of old rag, all neatly stitched together by our industrious mother, or
+pinned by fish-bones skilfully sharpened by grinding their ends between
+two stones. Our good dad's stock-in-trade consisted of one long piece of
+frayed string, with a sharpened fishbone, bent in the form of a hook,
+fastened at one end, a small boat and a paddle, the former of which he
+had skilfully fashioned out of an old basket that had been washed
+ashore, and over which he had stretched more of the rags and fish-skins,
+of which we always possessed a goodly supply saved over from our meals.
+
+[Illustration: They came upon a great stone sphinx]
+
+'During the long winter months we were entirely cut off from our fellow
+creatures by the floods and the terrible storms at sea, and were
+compelled to subsist entirely upon our own resources; and thus we
+learnt, after many a bitter trial, to make almost everything we required
+from the spoils brought home by our hard-working father. The flesh
+of the fish, of course, served us for meat, either fresh or pickled in
+brine, and then dried in the sun. The roes, prepared in the same way,
+were our only delicacies, and, by an indulgence in these, we used to
+celebrate our many birthdays. Fish dripping we had in plenty, and the
+bones were dried and ground between two rocks, making the finest flour
+for bread and pies. The tails and fins were always saved, and, after a
+simple drying process, made excellent fuel, easily set alight with
+sparks kindled by knocking two stones sharply together. A fine black ash
+was left from fires kindled in this way, which, mixed with a little
+sea-water, made one of the purest inks. The good dad always encouraged
+us to make notes on the smooth white skins of the young dab, bleached
+and dried in the sun, explaining how useful they would be to us in
+after-life, and showed us how to cut pens from the larger bones of the
+fish. The only parts which the unselfish man reserved for himself were
+the eyes which, when dried, were his only substitute for tobacco in that
+lone part of the world, and which he smoked in a pipe most beautifully
+carved by himself, from the spine of an old cod.
+
+'The heads of the fish served the younger children for bricks, or even,
+after a little trimming, for dolls, with which they amused themselves
+during the long winter evenings. Many another device had we whereby we
+made the most of our very small opportunities, but you will readily see
+how dependent we were for everything upon the good fortune and
+resources of our father, without whom we should all very quickly have
+perished.
+
+'For many days and nights at a time our good dad would remain upon the
+sea, returning sometimes with a good supply of fish; at other times,
+alas! with only one or two little dabs, or even with nothing at all.
+Yet, by dint of saving up for a rainy day, when we had more than enough
+for our present needs, we managed to jog along fairly comfortably. One
+sad winter's evening, however, our good parent returned, having caught
+nothing but a very small dab and a very severe cold. Our anxious mother,
+in a state of alarm, lit a great fire and, after making him take a bowl
+of steaming fish gruel, with his feet at the same time in a bath of hot
+sea-water, she sent him to bed, and covered him up with as many fish
+skins as she could spare from the house. The next day he was decidedly
+worse, and our anxiety increased day by day as he showed no signs of
+improvement. Very soon, with no one to replenish our larder, our stores
+began to run low, and starvation stared us in the face.
+
+'At last one morning the invalid called our eldest brother to him and
+said to him:--"Son, our stores are all eaten up, and unless we obtain
+food by to-morrow morning we shall all surely die, so take my boat and
+fishing-line and see what luck will attend you." With tears in his eyes,
+the good-hearted boy left the house and very soon embarked.
+
+[Illustration: THE HEADS SERVED FOR DOLLS]
+
+'Having paddled some way out to sea, he threw his line, and fished and
+fished. After a little while he drew it in again to find, alas! that he
+had caught nothing. For the second time he cast his line, and fished and
+fished and fished, but on again pulling in the line he found that he had
+no better luck. He now for the third time threw out his line, and fished
+and fished and fished and fished, yet no better fortune attended him;
+so, bitterly disappointed, he wound up the tackle and paddled home.
+
+'Sorrowfully the unhappy father heard of his eldest son's want of
+success, and then sent for his second eldest son, and requested him to
+see if fortune would be kinder to him than it had been to his brother.
+But, alas! he returned likewise without even so much as a whitebait.
+Then, one after the other, he sent all his sons except myself, who am
+the youngest of all, but not a little piece of luck awaited any of them.
+The wretched man now called me to him and said:--"Son, hitherto I have
+been reluctant to send one so young upon such an errand, but,
+alack-a-day! you are now our only hope; unless good fortune waits upon
+you we shall all perish."
+
+[Illustration: YOU ARE NOW OUR ONLY HOPE]
+
+'After comforting him as much as I could, and assuring him that I would
+do my best, I hastened down to the shore and embarked in the little
+boat. I paddled a good way out to sea until I came to a suitable
+fishing-ground, and then threw out my line. I fished and fished and
+fished and fished, and on drawing in my line found nothing on the hook
+except the bait, a wretched piece of dried fish skin, which looked very
+draggled as it rose from the water. "Better luck next time," thought I,
+as I threw my line for the second time, and fished and fished and fished
+and fished and fished. Yet, on pulling up the line, I found to my dismay
+that instead of better luck I had even worse, if that were possible, for
+the wretched bait had vanished from the hook. "Once more," thought I, as
+I dropped my line overboard for the third time, "and, fish or no fish, I
+must give it up, even though we all die of starvation." So I fished and
+fished and fished and fished and fished with all my might, and when at
+length I had hauled it in you may imagine my distress when I discovered
+that not merely was there no fish upon the line, but that the hook
+itself had disappeared. With tears of rage and disappointment I now gave
+it up and prepared to return, but I had not gone very far when I
+thought, "Shall I have just one more try even without hook or bait?" And
+not giving myself any time to think about it, I hurled my line out for
+the fourth time and fished and fished and fished and fished and fished
+and fished and fished as hard as I could, when fancying that I felt a
+nibble, I hauled it in as quickly as possible and found an old
+sardine-tin which had become entangled in the line.
+
+'Hastily opening the tin, all I found therein was the head of an old
+sprat. "Alas!" said I to myself, "is this, after all my troubles, the
+only food I can take to my suffering father and hungering mother and
+brothers and sisters; better it would have been had we never been
+born!" and the tears streamed down my face.
+
+'As I bent low over my miserable catch a great shadow passed across the
+boat and suddenly looking up, I beheld a beautiful albatross sailing in
+the sky above me. No sooner did the graceful creature catch sight of the
+head of the sprat than it swooped down upon the tin that contained it,
+snatching it from my hands, and flew off with it as speedily as
+possible. Now it happened I had not let go my hold on the line, the
+other end of which was still fastened to the tin, so that in a very few
+minutes I felt myself lifted bodily up and whirled through the air and
+out to sea at a great speed. Dangling many feet beneath the great bird,
+on and on I was carried over the tops of the waves, in the greatest
+anxiety lest the marauding fowl should take a lower flight, in which
+case I should inevitably have been plunged into the sea and drowned.
+
+'How many miles we travelled thus it would be impossible for me to tell,
+but at length my arms grew tired of holding on and supporting my weight,
+and I began to fear every moment that I should slip off into the sea,
+when I beheld a fishing-boat in the distance, right in our course.
+Hoping that we should reach it before my strength gave out I anxiously
+watched the vessel as we gradually drew near. At last I found myself
+directly over the boat, and shutting my eyes, I let go my hold on the
+line, and dropped down right on to a pile of fish in the middle of the
+deck, sending them flying in all directions amongst the astonished
+fisherman.
+
+[Illustration: I FISHED AND FISHED AND FISHED]
+
+'My remarkable appearance amongst them had the most astonishing effect
+upon the fishermen. They one and all leapt into the sea, and
+notwithstanding my endeavours to entice them back to the boat, and to
+explain to them my sudden descent upon their vessel, the affrighted
+creatures swam off to the distant shore, which, let us hope, they
+reached in safety.
+
+'Looking around me I now discovered, to my great joy, that the boat was
+full of the finest fish, so, seizing the oars, I turned her head towards
+home, where I arrived with my prize on the following morning, after a
+hard night's work, rowing the heavily-laden craft to shore.
+
+'The rejoicings were great, as you may well imagine, when my good
+parents and brothers and sisters beheld me again, for all had given me
+up for lost, our old boat having been washed ashore the previous
+evening. A great meal of fish was prepared as soon as possible, at which
+we all ate heartily after so long a fast, and the old gentleman's
+condition was greatly improved by the meal.
+
+'Long before the large supply of food had been consumed, the good living
+and comfort had restored our dad's health, and he was able to resume his
+fishing. Being now so much better equipped with the fine boat in which I
+had returned, and with the splendid tackle we discovered therein, good
+luck always attended his fishing and we never wanted any more.
+
+'In the course of time it became necessary that their children should
+all leave them and seek their fortunes, and only yesterday morning, with
+many tears, we bade adieu to our kind-hearted parents and started on our
+journey.'
+
+The young strangers were now all thoroughly refreshed by their
+breakfast, and learning the nature of the campaign upon which the King
+and his army were engaged, willingly offered their assistance as
+camp-followers, or in any other way that they might be useful. The King
+very gratefully accepted their services, and before resuming the march
+the whole army went out of their way and visited the kindly fisherman.
+The King was pleased to confer many honours on the old fellow, and,
+before leaving him, promised to look after his numerous family, and in
+the future to provide for all their wants.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE SIEGE OF TROY]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE SIEGE OF TROY
+
+
+Early one fine morning, before the soldiers had arisen, the King, in a
+very excited state, called his general to his bedside and, pointing
+through the opening of his tent, said:--
+
+'Bill, can you see, far away upon the horizon, that little point of
+light?' And Bill, straining his eyes in the direction indicated, was
+indeed able to detect a little flash, as though the sun were shining
+upon a cucumber frame many miles away.
+
+'Well,' said the old man, 'that is the reflection of the sun upon the
+dome of my palace in Troy.'
+
+Bill, delighted that at last they were nearing their journey's end, went
+off and awakened the camp with the glad news, and all came running out
+and gazed in the direction of Troy; and so heartened were the brave
+fellows at the sight that they gave three resounding cheers.
+
+Their eagerness to be off was so great that there was no breakfast that
+morning, and soon performing a hurried toilet, and speedily packing up
+their sticks, they were on the move once more. The King's excitement
+knew no bounds and, after distributing amongst his followers the
+contents of his pocket, he insisted on climbing out of his chariot, and
+giving each of his officers in turn a ride therein. Having travelled
+some little way, the King suddenly called a halt, and held up his hand
+for silence, and then, in the clear air, could be heard the bells of
+Troy! More excited than ever, the King now took off his crown, and
+removing some of the jewels with the pen-knife which Bill had presented
+to him on his birthday, gave one to each of his chief officers.
+
+In a little time the towers of Troy came into view, on the further edge
+of the great plain they were crossing, and the elated King, quite beside
+himself with joy and expectation at this glorious sight, stood upon the
+seat of his chariot and danced, much to the alarm of Boadicea, who was
+wheeling him. He then sat down again, and, taking off his slippers, he
+threw them, one by one, as high into the air as he could, and caught
+them as they descended. As they came nearer and nearer to their goal the
+old fellow's spirits rose to such a pitch that something really had to
+be done, so the musician was told-off to play soothing tunes to him, and
+in time the excitable creature calmed down, only, however, to break out
+again when they halted that night before the walls of Troy. At last, to
+keep him quiet once and for all, and out of everybody's way, they put
+him to bed with a soothing-draught made up by the doctor.
+
+The approach of the gallant fellows had been closely observed from the
+watch-towers of the city, and, in consequence, they found the gates fast
+closed when they halted before them. And, as nothing could be done that
+night, they fixed up their camp and retired to rest.
+
+On the following morning, Bill sent the merchant's wife as an
+ambassadress into the city, to demand its instant surrender, and very
+gladly she undertook the task.
+
+[Illustration: Closely observed from the watch towers]
+
+'This is quite in my line,' said she, as she knocked for admittance at
+the gate, through which she was admitted after a little delay. Bill
+waited anxiously for her reappearance, hoping that the King of Persia
+would be wise enough to give up the city without further trouble, but
+suddenly a great roar resounded from the other side of the walls, and
+almost immediately afterwards the ambassadress, with tufts of the
+Persian King's hair held between her clenched fingers, was thrown out of
+the gates.
+
+'There's nothing for it now,' thought Bill, 'but to lay siege to the
+place,' and he at once proceeded to walk round the city and examine the
+nature of the ground; after which he mustered his whole force before
+him, and disposed them according to the accompanying plan:--
+
+[Illustration: PLAN OF SIEGE]
+
+In this way Bill completely surrounded the city, allowing no provisions
+of any kind to enter, and prepared to wait until the inhabitants had
+exhausted all their stores, and could hold out no longer.
+
+These were the instructions of General Bill to his army, to be
+faithfully carried out during the siege:--
+
+    1. That the King was not to be allowed out of his tent on any
+    account, in spite of his impatience.
+
+    2. That, with the exception of the general and the scout, no warrior
+    was allowed, without his officers permission, to leave his post, day
+    or night, during the siege, and if any one were discovered sleeping
+    without one eye open, his allowance of sugar for porridge next
+    morning was to be stopped.
+
+    3. That the scout was to be continually on the move.
+
+    4. That Boadicea was to prepare all the meals, and that at each meal
+    time she was to take the food she had cooked to the soldiers (an
+    extra large portion being always reserved for the King).
+
+    5. That every morning, with breakfast, she was to take to each his
+    boots brightly polished, a bowl of hot water to wash in, and a comb,
+    and that every evening she should bring them their slippers and
+    their night-shirts.
+
+For three years the siege went on, in quite a peaceful and, at times,
+even a pleasant way, with no sign at all of the Trojans feeling any
+discomfort; in fact, since the Merchant's Wife had been turned from the
+city, not a sound had been heard from within the walls.
+
+Now it happened one morning, about this time, that the gates, to every
+one's surprise, were thrown open, and a messenger, with a flag of truce,
+came forth. The poor fellow looked hungry enough, indeed, yet the
+Merchant's Wife roughly seized upon the famished creature, much to his
+annoyance, and brought him to the general. Bill, hoping that he had come
+with an offer from the King of Persia to surrender the city, joyfully
+handed the young man a chair and a biscuit, and, before allowing him to
+speak, insisted on his eating a bowl of hot porridge. When he had
+hungrily demolished the food, Bill kindly invited him to deliver his
+message, which, in a hesitating manner, he thus proceeded to do:--
+
+'The King of Persia sends greetings to his dear old friend, the King of
+Troy, and wishes to assure him that he bears no ill-will towards him. On
+the contrary, his happiest moments are spent in recalling those far-off
+times when, as young children, they played the livelong day together, in
+good-will and friendliness. He also begs him, for a few minutes, to
+allow his natural kindness to overcome his enmity, and send his old
+friend, now faint with hunger, enough suet to make just a little pudding
+for himself.'
+
+Bill, a trifle disappointed, took the message to the King of Troy, who
+seemed very much affected on hearing it.
+
+[Illustration: THESE PARCELS WERE NOW LABELLED]
+
+'Give the old fellow a cracknel,' roared he, 'and tell him that if he
+surrenders the city at once, he can have as nice a snack of dinner as he
+could wish.'
+
+The messenger returned to the city with the message and the cracknel,
+and Bill waited all through the day and night, but no word came from the
+city.
+
+After breakfast next morning, when, as Bill thought, the King of Persia
+would be feeling hungry, he called to him the nine stout sons of Crispin
+and Chloe and then summoned to him the Merchant's Wife and the Sicilian
+Char-woman, and between them they managed to wrap up each of the brave
+lads in brown paper, properly secured with strong string, making nine
+very neat parcels. The general had previously instructed the brave
+fellows how to act at the right moment, and in the meantime to remain
+perfectly still. These parcels were now labelled severally lemon cheese
+cake, fairy cakes, rock cakes, Jumbles, raspberry noyeau, mince pies,
+Pontefract cakes and peppermint cushions, and then all neatly piled upon
+the King's wheeling-chair, which Bill had borrowed for the purpose.
+
+Solemnly preceded by Bill, the Merchant's Wife and the Char-woman (being
+the two strongest people in the forces) now wheeled the chair up to the
+gates, in front of which they emptied its contents.
+
+The hungry Trojans had observed their approach, from the walls above
+which could now be seen innumerable heads popping up and down, and no
+sooner did they see what the chair was supposed to contain than they
+climbed down, and without any hesitation opened the gates. Bill then
+spoke to the Trojans in the following words:--
+
+'The King of Troy sends greetings to the King of Persia and hearing that
+his stores are exhausted, and, although at war with him, not wishing
+that he should suffer any serious discomfort, begs his acceptance of
+these provisions.' Bill and the two ladies now retired with the empty
+wheeling-chair and took up their position before the walls once more.
+
+In the meanwhile the parcels were taken into the city and presented to
+the King of Persia who was then sitting, with the whole of his court,
+hungrily wondering what was going to happen next. The parcels were
+heaped up before him, and he could hardly conceal his delight and
+eagerness to begin on the victuals at once. All his courtiers too seemed
+quite inclined to forget their manners and help themselves before they
+were asked. The King now took up the largest parcel, labelled Pontefract
+cakes, which happened to contain Hannibal, when at a given signal each
+one of the courageous young fellows broke from his confinement and at
+once set on those around him. Hannibal and Noah seized the Persian King
+and bound him securely with some of the string from the parcels; each of
+the other brave sons of Crispin bound some minister or courtier in the
+same way, and the rest of the court fled from the palace in abject
+terror.
+
+The nine lads now gave chase, and the panic which possessed the
+affrighted courtiers spread, in no time, through the city, and the whole
+of the inhabitants were soon fleeing before the infuriated fellows.
+
+Possessed with the idea that their pursuers were in much greater force
+than they really were, the scared wretches made for the gates of the
+city, out of which they ran as hard as they could. Bill, the General,
+wisely allowed them to pass through his lines, which they did in the
+maddest terror, and then fled far away over the plain, as the besieging
+forces once more closed in around the city.
+
+Seeing that the gates still remained open, Bill now marshalled his
+gallant army, and in one grand procession led them into the city.
+
+[Illustration: AND PACKED HIM OFF TO PERSIA]
+
+In front of all solemnly marched the General; then the Real Soldier;
+then the Merchant's Wife; then the Sicilian Char-woman, proudly waving
+her flag; then followed a number of Bill's charges, the Ancient
+Mariner, the Doctor, Camp-followers, the Musician playing triumphant
+music on his concertina, more Camp-followers, the Respectable Gentleman,
+the Scout, the Wild Man, yet more Camp-followers, the Merchant, and,
+last of all, preceded by the graceful Triplets, came the proud and glad
+old King himself, wheeled in great state by the faithful Boadicea, and
+guarded by the principal policeman of Troutpeg. The nine stout sons of
+Crispin, together with the remaining children, formed a guard of honour,
+extending from the city gates as far as the front door of the Palace,
+into which the excited and Royal old creature entered at last amid the
+cheers of his gallant followers.
+
+His first act was to release the King of Persia, and after accepting
+very graciously his humble and sincere apologies for his unkindness, the
+clement old fellow gave him a good breakfast and packed him off to
+Persia. In a like kindly manner he treated the courtiers, after they had
+all suitably begged his pardon; and the inhabitants, who came trooping
+back as soon as they heard how graciously the rightful King was
+behaving, one and all clamoured to shake the delighted old monarch by
+the hand and pay their homage to him.
+
+Thus, after all his trials and privations, this Royal and kindly
+creature was restored to his throne. The crown was done up and
+beautifully polished, and the old King once more crowned in great state.
+To show his gratitude to his brave and faithful followers he appointed
+them all (with the exception of the Triplets, who soon returned to
+Blowdripping) to places of honour in his court. Thus:--
+
+[Illustration: TROY BECAME THE HAPPIEST TOWN]
+
+  BILL,                  Commander-in-chief of the Army.
+  THE REAL SOLDIER,      General under Bill.
+  THE SCOUT,             Officer of the Army.
+  NINE SONS OF CRISPIN,  Bodyguard to the King.
+  THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS
+    AND OTHERS,          The Army.
+  BOADICEA,              Royal Housekeeper.
+  ANCIENT MARINER,       Admiral of the Fleet.
+  SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN,   Head Char-woman to Royal Household.
+  THE MERCHANT'S WIFE,   Superintendent of the Prison.
+  THE DOCTOR,            Court Physician.
+  PTOLEMY JENKINSON,     King's Valet.
+  RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN, Master of Good Behaviour to the
+                           Royal Household.
+  LONG MAN,              Hall Porter at Royal Palace.
+  MUSICIAN,              Court Musician.
+  WILD MAN,              Park Keeper.
+  POLICEMAN,             Preserver of the Peace.
+
+With such a gallant court and brave army around him the dear old man was
+saved from further troubles in his State during the remainder of his
+long and happy reign. In fact Troy became the very happiest town in the
+world, and the old King's noble followers were so contented with their
+lot that they never again left the city of Troy.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: THE END]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Transcriber's Notes
+
+Illustrations have been moved, when they interrupted paragraphs in the
+original. The list of illustrations has retained the page references in
+the original book.
+
+The only intentional changes to the text are the following corrections
+to typographical or printer's errors:
+
+Page 25 deleted hyphen in 'cocoa-nut' (the slabs of cocoanut ice)
+
+Page 149 added missing quotation mark at end of the paragraph (...my
+great courage and astute generalship.')
+
+Page 247: Missing closing single quote added (to make just a little
+pudding for himself.')
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Bill the Minder, by W. Heath Robinson
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+      The Project Gutenberg eBook of Bill The Minder, by W. Heath Robinson.
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+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Bill the Minder, by W. Heath Robinson
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Bill the Minder
+
+Author: W. Heath Robinson
+
+Illustrator: W. Heath Robinson
+
+Release Date: August 29, 2010 [EBook #33570]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BILL THE MINDER ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Simon Gardner, Chris Curnow and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
+file was produced from images generously made available
+by The Internet Archive)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<div class="trans-note">
+<p class="center"><b>Transcriber's Notes</b></p>
+
+<p>Where changes have been made to the text these are listed <a href="#TRANS_NOTES_2">at the end of the book</a>.</p>
+
+<p>Illustrations have been repositioned only when they interrupted paragraphs in the original.
+The list of illustrations has retained the original page references.</p>
+
+<p><a href="#CONTENTS">Table of Contents.</a></p>
+
+<p><a href="#LIST_OF_ILLUSTRATIONS">List of Illustrations.</a></p>
+
+</div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 273px;">
+<a href="images/i_cover.jpg"><img src="images/i_cover_tn.jpg" width="273" height="400" alt="" title="[Cover art]" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 232px;">
+<a href="images/i_002.jpg"><img src="images/i_002_tn.jpg" width="232" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 297px;">
+<a name="FRONTISPIECE" id="FRONTISPIECE"></a><a href="images/i_005.jpg"><img src="images/i_005_tn.jpg" width="297" height="400" alt="" title="Frontispiece" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<h1><b>BILL THE MINDER</b></h1>
+
+<p class="center"><i>Written and
+illustrated by</i></p>
+
+<p class="center">W·HEATH
+ROBINSON</p>
+
+<p class="center">NEW YORK<br />
+HENRY HOLT &amp; CO·<br />
+1912</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 299px;">
+<a name="TITLE_PAGE" id="TITLE_PAGE"></a><a href="images/i_006.jpg"><img src="images/i_006_tn.jpg" width="299" height="400" alt="" title="Title page" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 140px;">
+<a href="images/i_007.jpg"><img src="images/i_007_tn.jpg" width="140" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<p class="center">Edinburgh: T. and A. <span class="smcap">Constable</span>, Printers to His Majesty</p>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="center">TO<br />
+<br />
+THE GOOD CHILDREN
+OF CHLOE AND CRISPIN
+THE GATHERER OF
+MUSHROOMS&mdash;CHAD,
+HANNIBAL, QUENTIN,
+RANDALL, NOAH, RATCHETT,
+NERO, BIDDULPH,
+KNUT, AND THE TRULY
+VIRTUOUS AND BEAUTIFUL
+BOADICEA, THIS
+BOOK IS MOST HUMBLY
+AND RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED
+BY THE FAITHFUL
+NARRATOR OF THEIR
+EVER-WONDERFUL ADVENTURES.
+</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 248px;">
+<a name="DEDICATION" id="DEDICATION"></a><a href="images/i_008.jpg"><img src="images/i_008_tn.jpg" width="248" height="400" alt="" title="Dedication" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 312px;">
+<a href="images/i_009.jpg"><img src="images/i_009_tn.jpg" width="312" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 311px;">
+<a href="images/i_010.jpg"><img src="images/i_010_tn.jpg" width="311" height="400" alt="" title="CONTENTS [Title page]" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page viii --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_viii" id="Page_viii">[Pg viii]</a></span></p>
+<h3><a name="CONTENTS" id="CONTENTS"></a>CONTENTS</h3>
+
+
+
+
+
+<div class="center">
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Table of Contents">
+<tr><th></th><th align="right">PAGE</th></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">BILL THE MINDER</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_1">1</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE KING OF TROY</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_15">15</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE ANCIENT MARINER</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_33">33</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE TRIPLETS</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_51">51</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">GOOD AUNT GALLADIA</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_65">65</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE DOCTOR</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_79">79</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_97">97</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_115">115</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE INTERVAL</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_133">133</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE REAL SOLDIER</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_147">147</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE WILD MAN</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_165">165</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE MUSICIAN</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_183">183</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE LOST GROCER</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_199">199</a><!-- Page ix --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_ix" id="Page_ix">[Pg ix]</a></span></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE MERCHANT'S WIFE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_213">213</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_227">227</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE SIEGE OF TROY</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_241">241</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE END</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_255">255</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+<hr />
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 101px;">
+<a href="images/i_012.jpg"><img src="images/i_012_tn.jpg" width="101" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p><!-- Page x --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_x" id="Page_x">[Pg x]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="LIST_OF_ILLUSTRATIONS" id="LIST_OF_ILLUSTRATIONS"></a>LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS</h2>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<div class="center">
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Table of Coloured Plates">
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="3">COLOURED PLATES</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><a href="#FRONTISPIECE">FRONTISPIECE</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE KING OF TROY COMPELLED TO ASK HIS WAY</td><td align="center"><i>To face page</i></td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_30">30</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE SPORT OF EVERY MER-KID</td><td align="center">"</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_48">48</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HE WAS ALWAYS AT HAND</td><td align="center">"</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_58">58</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">I FELL FROM MY POSITION</td><td align="center">"</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_72">72</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE LORD MAYOR HELD A LONG COUNCIL</td><td align="center">"</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_88">88</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN</td><td align="center">"</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_110">110</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">BASIL HERBERT DEVELOPS A CHILBLAIN</td><td align="center">"</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_122">122</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">AND LEFT HIM TO HAVE HIS CRY OUT</td><td align="center">"</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_140">140</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">REGINALD COMPLETELY LOST HIS TEMPER</td><td align="center">"</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_156">156</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HARMLESS INDEED WERE OUR JOYS</td><td align="center">"</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_168">168</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">AND PLAYED IT FOR MY DELIGHT</td><td align="center">"</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_190">190</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">FOLLOWED HIM AT THE GREATEST SPEED</td><td align="center">"</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_208">208</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">BRINGING WITH THEM A LITTLE OLD MAN</td><td align="center">"</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_216">216</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THEY CAME UPON A GREAT STONE SPHINX</td><td align="center">"</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_230">230</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">CLOSELY OBSERVED FROM THE WATCH TOWERS</td><td align="center">"</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_244">244</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<p>
+<!-- Page xi --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xi" id="Page_xi">[Pg xi]</a></span>
+</p>
+
+
+<div class="center">
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Table of Illustrations">
+<tr><th align="left"></th><th align="right">PAGE</th></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">BILL THE MINDER</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_1">1</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_2">2</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HIS HOWLS BECAME TERRIFIC</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_7">7</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">ALWAYS INVENTING NEW WAYS OF MINDING</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_10">10</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">YOUNG TOOTH-CUTTERS FORGOT THEIR TROUBLES</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_11">11</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE ONLY MINDER OF THE DISTRICT</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_13">13</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TAILPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_14">14</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE KING OF TROY</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_15">15</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_16">16</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HE CLIMBED THE RICK</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_18">18</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HE COMMENCED HIS TALE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_21">21</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">WHAT A TIME WE HAD</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_26">26</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TAILPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_31">31</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">VIGNETTE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_32">32</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE ANCIENT MARINER</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_33">33</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_34">34</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">I SIGN ON AS CABIN BOY</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_39">39</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">I WENT ON WITH MY SANDWICHES</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_42">42</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">FOR YEARS WE SAILED</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_47">47</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TAILPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_49">49</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">VIGNETTE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_50">50</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE TRIPLETS</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_51">51</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_52">52</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">ENDEAVOURING TO COMFORT THE OLD MAN</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_55">55</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">WE GREW UP IN COMPARATIVE HAPPINESS</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_58">58</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE TRIPLETS ACCOMPANY THE ARMY</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_63">63</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TAILPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_64">64</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">GOOD AUNT GALLADIA</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_65">65</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_66">66</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">I JUST MANAGED TO REACH THE EGGS</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_71">71</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">I ANGLE THE AIR</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_72">72</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">I ERECTED MY POLE ON THE SAND</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_73">73</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">ITS OLD STATELY SELF AGAIN</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_75">75</a><!-- Page xii --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xii" id="Page_xii">[Pg xii]</a></span></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE DOCTOR</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_79">79</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_80">80</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">FAR SOONER HAVE THE MUMPS</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_83">83</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE PUFF BAKER</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_87">87</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TREATED WITH DELICIOUS JALAPS</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_88">88</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">AS SOME PATIENT PREPARED HIS DOSE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_89">89</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE VERY SPARROWS GREW THIN</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_91">91</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">POSTCARD</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_94">94</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">POSTCARD</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_95">95</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TAILPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_96">96</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_97">97</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_98">98</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">BOWING POLITELY TO THE PILLAR-BOXES</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_103">103</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE CHURCH STEEPLE HAD BEEN REMOVED</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_104">104</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">STANDING ALONE UPON THE WALL</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_106">106</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">DANGLING BY HIS LEGS</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_109">109</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TAILPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_113">113</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">VIGNETTE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_114">114</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_115">115</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_116">116</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">I TOOK LEAVE OF MY SORROWING FATHER</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_120">120</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HARDLY DISGUISING HIS EFFORTS TO IGNORE ME</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_121">121</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THEY WERE COMPELLED TO SEND FOR A PHYSICIAN</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_125">125</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE IMPROVEMENT WAS MAINTAINED</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_129">129</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">DISCOVERED A CLOVE KERNEL</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_130">130</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">VIGNETTE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_132">132</a><!-- Page xiii --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xiii" id="Page_xiii">[Pg xiii]</a></span></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE INTERVAL</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_133">133</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_134">134</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">I FELL ON TO THE PARSNIP</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_137">137</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THEY ALL ONCE MORE STARTED</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_138">138</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">ON THEIR ADVENTUROUS JOURNEY</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_139">139</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE WHOLE CAMP WAS FAST ASLEEP</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_142">142</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TAILPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_145">145</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">VIGNETTE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_146">146</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE REAL SOLDIER</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_147">147</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_148">148</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE REAL SOLDIER</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_153">153</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">'BUT HOLD!' CRIED THE PRESIDENT</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_156">156</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">'YOUR FATE BE UPON YOUR OWN HEAD'</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_157">157</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">FLOUNDERING ABOUT IN THE SEA</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_159">159</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">IN EXPECTATION OF THEIR LEADER</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_161">161</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TAILPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_163">163</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">VIGNETTE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_164">164</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE WILD MAN</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_165">165</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_166">166</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">I PLEADED MY CASE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_169">169</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">AND KILLED IT ON THE SPOT</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_173">173</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">WE COOKED ONE GREAT STEAK</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_177">177</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TAILPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_181">181</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">VIGNETTE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_182">182</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE MUSICIAN</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_183">183</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_184">184</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">SHE NOW MADE OFF TO THE WOODS<!-- Page xiv --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xiv" id="Page_xiv">[Pg xiv]</a></span></td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_189">189</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HE WOULD CLIMB TO THE TOPMOST BRANCHES</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_190">190</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">SWEEPING THE DEAD LEAVES</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_195">195</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">WITH NO OTHER WEALTH THAN MY CONCERTINA</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_197">197</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TAILPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_198">198</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE LOST GROCER</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_199">199</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_200">200</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">AFFECTED BY HIS STORY</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_205">205</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">PLUMP INTO THE RIVER WE WENT</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_206">206</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THERE GREW IN FRONT OF ME A GREAT MOUND</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_209">209</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">SNEEZING AND SNEEZING</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_211">211</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE MERCHANT'S WIFE</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_213">213</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_214">214</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">MOPING ABOUT THE COMMON</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_219">219</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">KEPT HIM OUT OF MISCHIEF</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_223">223</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">GLORIOUS TARTS AND SWEETS</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_224">224</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">IT DIDN'T MATTER HOW MUCH YOU ATE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_225">225</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TAILPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_226">226</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_227">227</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_228">228</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THE HEADS SERVED FOR DOLLS</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_233">233</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">YOU ARE NOW OUR ONLY HOPE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_234">234</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">I FISHED AND FISHED AND FISHED</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_237">237</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TAILPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_239">239</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">VIGNETTE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_240">240</a><!-- Page xv --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xv" id="Page_xv">[Pg xv]</a></span></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE SIEGE OF TROY</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TITLE-PAGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_241">241</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">HEADPIECE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_242">242</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">PLAN OF SIEGE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_245">245</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">THESE PARCELS WERE NOW LABELLED</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_248">248</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">AND PACKED HIM OFF TO PERSIA</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_251">251</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">TROY BECAME THE HAPPIEST TOWN</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_253">253</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="subheading" colspan="2">THE END</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">VIGNETTE</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_256">256</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 231px;">
+<a href="images/i_018.jpg"><img src="images/i_018_tn.jpg" width="231" height="400" alt="[Knight on hobby horse]" title="" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p><!-- Page xvi --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xvi" id="Page_xvi">[Pg xvi]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 224px;">
+<a href="images/i_019.jpg"><img src="images/i_019_tn.jpg" width="224" height="400" alt="" title="[Centaur in Top Hat]" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p><!-- Page 1 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 301px;">
+<a href="images/i_020.jpg"><img src="images/i_020_tn.jpg" width="301" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE-PAGE [Bill the Minder]" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 2 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_021.jpg"><img src="images/i_021_tn.jpg" width="400" height="361" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+<h2><a name="BILL_THE_MINDER" id="BILL_THE_MINDER"></a>BILL THE MINDER</h2>
+
+
+<p>Old Crispin, the mushroom gatherer, and
+his good wife Chloe had ten children, and
+nine of them were bad-tempered. There
+was Chad, the youngest and most bad-tempered of the
+lot, Hannibal and Quentin the twins, Randall with
+the red head, Noah, Ratchett the short-sighted, Nero
+the worrit, weeping Biddulph and Knut. The only
+good-tempered child was a little girl named Boadicea.</p>
+
+<p>It is well known that a boy usually takes after
+his father, and a girl after her mother, and these
+children were no exception to the rule, for the boys<!-- Page 3 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span>
+all resembled old Crispin, whose temper had been
+rather tried, poor man, by the early hours at which
+he had to rise, in order to gather the mushrooms when
+they were quite new and young. On the other hand,
+Boadicea could only have inherited her good-temper
+from Chloe, who without doubt was the most good-tempered
+dame alive.</p>
+
+<p>Now it is quite true that any one who cares to
+rise early enough in the morning may gather mushrooms,
+and plenty of them, too, but those who do so
+only now and again, and merely for amusement, little
+know the hard life of the professional gatherer, or the
+skill and judgment he has to cultivate in order to
+carry on his work with any success.</p>
+
+<p>In the course of time Crispin became so well
+skilled that he could not only tell a mushroom from a
+toadstool at the distance of two hundred yards, but
+his hearing became so acute that he could even hear
+them growing, and learnt to distinguish the sound of
+each as it broke through the earth. Indeed, he had
+no need for any alarm to wake him from his heavy
+slumbers and call him to his work in the fields.
+However cautiously a mushroom made its appearance,
+at its first rumble, old Crispin would jump from his
+hard bed, hastily dress himself, and, often without
+tasting a morsel of breakfast, be out of the house and
+on to the field in time to see the newcomer pop its
+head through the earth. This he would pick, and
+then he would hop about with his head on one side<!-- Page 4 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span>
+listening for others like some old starling listening for
+worms, at the same time mewing like a cat to frighten
+away the birds that prey on the mushrooms. He was
+then able to fill his basket with the very freshest crop
+and take them round to people's houses in time for
+breakfast.</p>
+
+<p>With such anxious work it will be readily understood
+that few mushroom gatherers can remain in the
+best of health for many years, and it so happened that
+in time the anxieties connected with the gathering of
+mushrooms began to affect old Crispin, so that he fell
+ill and completely lost his appetite. Chloe called in
+the doctor, but the latter at first could do nothing for
+him. He painted Crispin's chest and then his back
+with iodine; he rubbed him well with the roots of
+sarsaparilla; he made him sleep first on his right side,
+then on his left, and finally covered him in brown
+paper plasters and dock-leaf poultices and sent him
+to the sea-side with strict injunctions to take to sea-bathing,
+running, and aeroplaning, but it was all of
+no avail.</p>
+
+<p>With the assistance of Boadicea, Chloe now tried
+to tempt her husband with every known and unknown
+dish, and when these failed, like a good wife, she invented
+others. She made trifles of vegetable marrow,
+tartlets of hen feathers to soothe the nerves, salads of
+spinach and carraway comfits, delicacies composed of
+porridge and mint, and the most luscious stews of
+pine-cones and lard. She then tried him with even<!-- Page 5 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span>
+lighter dishes, but it was no good. He became thinner
+and thinner every day, and his temper was growing
+shorter and shorter, when at last, to her great joy, she
+succeeded in making a jelly that really seemed to
+take his fancy.</p>
+
+<p>At first there was little or no sign of improvement,
+yet he ate a very small portion of the jelly every day,
+and with this the anxious wife and daughter had to
+be contented for some time. He had remained in
+this state for weeks when Chloe resolved slightly to
+increase his portion. Finding that this did not disagree
+with him, but that, instead, he became a little
+stouter and a little better every day, she continued
+gradually giving him more and more.</p>
+
+<p>At last she discovered that the more Crispin ate of
+this jelly, the greater his appetite became. In fact, if
+the truth be told, the old gentleman became in time
+not only quite well and very stout but also somewhat
+greedy. At all events, Chloe found that instead of
+being able to devote more time to her children, after
+restoring her husband's appetite, she had to give up
+more and more time to cooking. Crispin now spent
+the whole day in eating, and things went from bad to
+very bad, and from very bad to worse. Boadicea
+assisted her mother to the utmost, yet Chloe, worked
+almost to death, was at length compelled to look out
+for a minder, in order that her children might not be
+entirely neglected.</p>
+
+<p>Many minders from all parts applied for employment,<!-- Page 6 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span>
+and, as a test of their skill, she set them the
+task of cheering the unfortunate Chad, who was
+cutting all his double teeth at the same time. Some
+tried to cheer him by singing to him, some by dancing
+to him; one even hoped to gladden the boy by jumping
+over him backwards and with a pleasant smile
+dropping on the grass in front of him. Again, some
+thought to distract him by running swiftly with him
+several times round the well, which only made him very
+ill. Another energetic young minder stood on his head
+in front of the child for at least ten minutes, which,
+instead of cheering the lad, nearly frightened him to
+death. One minder, more experienced than the rest,
+tried to make him forget his ache by giving him other
+aches to think of with the aid of a slipper, which he
+maintained he had succeeded in doing. However,
+he was not elected, for, try as they would, no one
+could discover for which ache the child was crying.</p>
+
+<p>Many methods were tried, but none with even the
+smallest success; in fact, the competition greatly
+increased the child's discomfort. His howls became
+terrific, and so heartrending that, as a last resource,
+Chloe sent for her nephew Bill, who cleaned the boots.
+Now no one had suspected Bill of having the makings
+of a good minder in him, but it happened that he knew
+Chad's little ways, and so, to everybody's surprise and
+relief, he easily succeeded in keeping him quiet until
+all the double teeth had been cut. Thereupon he was
+at once elected Minder to the family.<!-- Page 7 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_026.jpg"><img src="images/i_026_tn.jpg" width="400" height="265" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">HIS HOWLS BECAME TERRIFIC</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Bill soon proved that he was no ordinary minder.
+Having once started on his new work, he took his
+profession very seriously. He read all the books that
+had ever been written upon the subject, which were
+to be found in the library of the British Museum. He
+talked about it with the most knowing professors of
+the subject, and he was as well known in the Minding
+Room of the Patent Museum at South Kensington as
+in his father's house. And it is even said that he once
+contrived to be shut in all night by hiding behind a
+case of red coral rattles when the policeman came
+round at dusk to shut and lock the doors.</p>
+
+<p>Moreover, as you can see for yourselves in the<!-- Page 8 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span>
+pictures, he was always inventing new ways of minding
+his charges. So expert did he become in time that he
+was never at a loss with the most fractious, and easily
+surpassing all rivals, he became the most perfect
+minder of the district.</p>
+
+<p>Bill's fame spread to the most distant towns, and
+worrited mothers for miles around flocked to him with
+their children. He was most successful in distracting
+the vaccinated, and under his care young tooth-cutters
+soon forgot their troubles. Even the pangs of indigestion
+were allayed and the fretfulness of the
+sleepless lulled to rest by the charm of his ways.
+Short tempers were lengthened, and terrified midnight
+wakers were taught to realise how ridiculous were
+their fears. Screechers ceased to screech, and grizzlers
+to grizzle, while weepers and howlers reformed their
+habits and learnt to chuckle throughout the day.</p>
+
+<p>If any one could mind, Bill could!</p>
+
+<p>But life was not all condensed milk and honey to
+Bill. Like all good minders and men, he had the bad
+fortune to arouse the jealousy of rivals. The unvarying
+success which met his clever treatment of the most
+difficult cases, instead of arousing the admiration of
+his brother minders, as one would have expected, and
+making them eager to imitate him, only had the effect
+of making them very cross and jealous. Some, indeed,
+became so wild that they had to be minded themselves,
+while others neglected their charges and wandered
+about the country in a dreadful state of grumpiness,<!-- Page 9 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span>
+biting their nails to the quick, and tearing their hair
+or anything else they could get hold of.</p>
+
+<p>The time now arrived for the great annual Minding
+Tournament, held by the Duke to celebrate his birthday,
+to which every one had been looking forward all
+through the year. Few people have ever been so
+delighted over being born as was the Duke, and this
+was how he most liked to show his joy and thankfulness.
+The prizes and cups were usually subscribed
+for by the mothers and fathers, but this year was a
+very special occasion, for the Duke, having arrived at
+the age of sixty, had decided to present a gold-mounted
+feeding-bottle to be competed for during the
+tournament.</p>
+
+<p>Everybody was there; the Duke and his Duchess
+with a handsome bouquet of marigolds and groundsel,
+presented by the wives of the policemen; the Duchess's
+cousin, the chatty old Viscount, and his sweet young
+wife; the stout old Marquis who (as every lady knows)
+is also admiral of the Regent's Canal, and his six old-maid
+daughters, who all arrived in bath chairs. The
+general was there, as a matter of course, with all his
+medals beautifully polished, and his pockets full of
+Pontefract cakes and peardrops to throw to the children.
+At least twelve bishops were present, besides
+the vicar and his eight kind curates, who made themselves
+extremely pleasant to every one.</p>
+
+<p>All the mothers and fathers of the neighbourhood
+were present, and minders were continually arriving<!-- Page 10 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span>
+to compete for the prizes. There were at least one
+hundred policemen to keep order, and the music was
+provided by the band of the militia, lent for this
+occasion by the kind-hearted general. Each member
+of the band performed on a separate harmonium
+borrowed from the vicar. Refreshments also could
+be had by every one who could prove that he or she
+was hungry.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_029.jpg"><img src="images/i_029_tn.jpg" width="400" height="145" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">ALWAYS INVENTING NEW WAYS OF MINDING</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The first event was the egg-and-spoon race, which
+was decided in the following way. A well-pinched
+baby and a glass of milk were placed at the end of
+the course, and each competitor had to run to them
+balancing a new-laid egg on a spoon; when he had
+reached them, he had to beat up the egg in the glass
+of milk and pacify the child with the beverage. The
+competitor who did it in the shortest time won
+the prize.</p>
+
+<p>Some murmurings were heard when it was announced
+that Bill had won by two-and-a-half minutes,<!-- Page 11 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span>
+but these were soon drowned by the cheers of the
+crowd and the music of the harmoniums.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_030.jpg"><img src="images/i_030_tn.jpg" width="400" height="146" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">YOUNG TOOTH-CUTTERS FORGOT THEIR TROUBLES</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The second event was the obstacle race, in which
+each competitor had to run with three babies in his
+arms along a course strewn with perambulators full
+of children. Over the latter he had to climb, and
+having placed his three babies in an empty perambulator
+stationed at the end of the course, wheel
+them back the same way and empty them into the
+arms of the Duke without a cry from the children.</p>
+
+<p>The loud cheers of the crowd and the roar
+of the harmoniums this time hardly drowned the
+jeering of his rivals when it was proclaimed that
+Bill had also won this race; and when he secured
+the gold-mounted feeding-bottle, presented by the
+Duke, for minding seventeen tooth-cutters and three
+indigesters, and sending them all to sleep in three
+hours and forty-five minutes, their rage was almost
+beyond their control. The cheers, the hurrahs, and<!-- Page 12 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span>
+the clapping of hands, as well as the soothing music
+of the harmoniums, only made them more disagreeable
+and spiteful.</p>
+
+<p>But far worse was to happen when Bill presently
+carried off the great cup for remaining shut up in a
+bathing-machine with twelve vaccinated children for
+twelve hours. Then they quite lost their tempers,
+and Bill very nearly lost his life. At least seven
+babies were hurled at him, as well as the cup and
+the bathing-machine, and Bill was only saved by the
+seven mothers of the seven hurled babies, who rushed
+forward to grapple with the hurlers, and carried Bill
+and the babies out of their reach.</p>
+
+<p>This shocking disturbance caused the vicar and
+his eight kind curates to faint, while the Duke, who,
+now having lost all interest in the proceedings, was
+only waiting to give away the prizes, turned quite
+white, and at once drove off with the Duchess in his
+motor, and never again referred to the subject. The
+general stripped off his medals in despair, and gave
+them away to the children to cut their teeth with.
+The chatty old Viscount became dumb with astonishment,
+and the twelve bishops, with heads erect and
+half-closed eyes, walked off to their cathedrals. The
+harmoniums were all put out of tune and quite spoilt
+by the efforts of the bandsmen to drown the noise,
+and the tournament was completely broken up.</p>
+
+<p>After this, as might have been foreseen, no mother
+would entrust the care of her children to any one but<!-- Page 13 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span>
+Bill, who became the only minder of the district.
+What became of the rivals no one ever knew for
+certain, though it has been said that they all emigrated
+to a desolate island in the Dead Sea, and
+clothed themselves in crocodile's hide with the rough
+and knobby side worn against the skin, sleeping at
+night on beds of flints with coverlets made of stinging
+nettles. It is also said that they nagged and threw
+stones at each other all through the day, and for very
+rage would eat nothing but thistles, uncooked and
+with the prickles left on, and drink nothing but cold
+vinegar for the rest of their wretched lives.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_032.jpg"><img src="images/i_032_tn.jpg" width="400" height="265" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">THE ONLY MINDER OF THE DISTRICT</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Another story has it that Bill's jealous rivals all<!-- Page 14 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span>
+embarked for Mount Vesuvius, with the intention of
+committing suicide by plunging into the burning
+crater. But standing on its edge and gazing therein,
+they all suddenly altered their minds and walked back
+down the mountain side to Pompeii or Herculaneum,
+where they were supposed to have settled and married,
+and repented, let us hope, of their unkind and unreasonable
+behaviour.</p>
+
+<p>Whether either of these stories is true or not, it is
+certain that the rivals disappeared altogether from
+the country. Unmolested, Bill now devoted all his
+days to minding, and Randall, Noah, Knut, Biddulph,
+Nero, Ratchett, Hannibal, Quentin, Chad, and his innumerable
+other charges never left him, but wandered
+with him everywhere, even in his dreams.</p>
+
+<p>Such a minder was Bill!</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 251px;">
+<a href="images/i_033.jpg"><img src="images/i_033_tn.jpg" width="251" height="257" alt="TAILPIECE" title="TAILPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><!-- Page 15 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 302px;">
+<a href="images/i_034.jpg"><img src="images/i_034_tn.jpg" width="302" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE-PAGE [The King of Troy]" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 16 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 379px;">
+<a href="images/i_035.jpg"><img src="images/i_035_tn.jpg" width="379" height="400" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2><a name="THE_KING_OF_TROY" id="THE_KING_OF_TROY"></a>THE KING OF TROY</h2>
+
+
+<p>Now it happened one morning as Bill was
+shepherding his little flock across the
+downs, whither they loved to ramble on
+a fine summer's day, that Hannibal, Quentin, and
+Boadicea came running up to him with the wonderful
+tidings that they had discovered a real golden crown
+lying on the top of a hayrick. Bill hastened to the
+spot, and there, sure enough, was a most beautiful
+crown, ornamented with what he took to be priceless<!-- Page 17 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span>
+gems. Looking all round and seeing no one to whom
+it might belong, he climbed the rick and attempted
+to remove the treasure. But, try as he would, it still
+resisted his efforts, until at last, with one mighty
+wrench, he seemed to elicit a groan from the depths
+of the rick, and presently the crown arose apparently
+of its own accord and disclosed the head of an aged
+man firmly fixed therein. Soon his neck, then his
+shoulders appeared, as gradually the old fellow lifted
+himself from his place of hiding and climbed down the
+sides of the rick and stood trembling in the midst of the
+children, who now wonderingly gathered round him.</p>
+
+<p>Having recovered from his agitation, and being
+greatly encouraged by Bill's kindly inquiries and
+genial manners, the royal old boy proceeded to
+account for his strange appearance on the downs.</p>
+
+<p>'Prepare yourselves, you bantlings, and you, their
+noble curator, for the most astounding revelations;
+and those of you who are nerveful or softish in any
+way, hide your chubby heads in this old rick, that no
+word of my story of woes may enter your ears and so
+curdle your simple minds.'</p>
+
+<p>At this young Chad and some of the others set up
+a terrible hullabaloo, but Bill soon comforted them,
+and then, seated in a circle on the grass around the
+old fellow, they made themselves comfortable and
+prepared to listen to his story.</p>
+
+<p>'Are you all fit?' demanded the old gent.
+'Yes,' shouted Bill and his charges in reply.<!-- Page 18 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span>
+'Well, here goes then.' And he commenced his
+tale in the following way:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'I am that King of Troy who ruled over his
+subjects with such wisdom and justice that the
+greatest happiness prevailed amongst them!'</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_037.jpg"><img src="images/i_037_tn.jpg" width="400" height="176" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">HE CLIMBED THE RICK</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'We've heard that before,' murmured Chad, but
+ignoring the interruption, the King of Troy continued
+his story:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'Safely protected from baseness of every description,
+from robbery, from the ill effects of envy, and
+from unworthy tricksters of every colour, by the stern,
+yet just rule under which they happily lived, the
+Trojans throve and pursued their various trades with
+unvarying success. All amassed a considerable fortune,
+and as their wealth increased, so did their pride
+in the beloved city of their birth. All contributed
+most willingly to the upkeep of their sovereign, and
+the ever-increasing state which I was expected to<!-- Page 19 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span>
+hold was paid for down to the last farthing by the
+noble fellows.</p>
+
+<p>'The well-meaning creatures at length gave no
+rest to their poor old king, and as their prosperity
+grew, they raised him to a more and more exalted,
+and at the same time increasingly uncomfortable,
+position above them. Heavier and heavier grew the
+robes of state to suit the swelling dignity of the city:
+more and more overloaded with gold, with jewels,
+with filigree silver and enamelled bronze became the
+crown, until so ponderous had grown the regalia that
+I could hardly support it. But no pity had the gallant
+lads. Mistaking the signs of my gradually drooping
+spirits for the signs of undue modesty, they slapped
+me on the back again and again, and with joyful
+shouts endeavoured to instil into my dejected soul
+some of their own abundant ardour.</p>
+
+<p>'With my own personal dignity, the number of
+ceremonials and functions I was expected to endure
+also increased. Town hall after town hall was built,
+and bazaars without end were held especially to be
+opened by myself. But in time even this doubtful
+relaxation ceased, and so high did my subjects raise
+me that few of them dared to approach me, and then
+only on bended knees. As for speaking familiarly
+with me, none had the temerity to attempt it. Perpetual
+state I was now compelled to keep, and never
+for an instant permitted to leave my throne or doff
+my royal robes, except for one short hour in the<!-- Page 20 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span>
+morning to perform ablutions in the regal tub, and
+even then I was not allowed to remove my crown.
+Seated on my throne from morning until night, overburdened
+by the weight of my crown and the heavily
+brocaded and bejewelled robes, I felt as lonely as a
+stranded limpet in the middle of the Sahara desert.</p>
+
+<p>'At last things came to such a pass, that, except
+perhaps to bring me food or drink, not one of my
+subjects would dare to draw nearer than to the outer
+door of my ante-room, and even there they would fall
+upon their faces and grovel in the dust and quake, so
+that the very clicking of their bones could be distinctly
+heard from my place upon the throne, as they
+trembled in every joint.</p>
+
+<p>'Ah, how I missed the old days,&mdash;the cheerful
+cup of tea, the pipe of baccy and the homely game of
+dominoes with that primest of all Prime Ministers.
+How gladly would I have snatched from the royal
+board the dainties now prepared for me,&mdash;the asparagus
+truffles, the prawn cutlets, the anchovy jelly,
+and suchlike, and hurled from me the trivial and
+shimmering mass, tweaking my old rascal of a waiter
+by the nose, and calling for a hunk of bread and
+some cheese. Even my sparkling and frolicsome old
+chum, the Prime Minister, had seemingly quite forgotten
+our loyal chumship and never appeared before
+me now except upon his hands and knees and with
+his head bent low to the ground. And what of my
+old friend the Secretary of State? Where were his<!-- Page 21 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span>
+gibes, his playful fancies, his quirks and rare conceits,
+the droll! Alas, only rarely now could I glimpse the
+rogue, and with real sorrow did I see his erstwhile
+bonny and jovial old face distorted by expressions of
+the most abject servility. And that respectful mute,
+the Minister of Education, does he dream that I forget
+his winsome pranks and jokes? Does he imagine for
+a moment that those glorious evenings, when the four
+of us used to meet and gladden the very stars by the
+sounds of our joviality, were nothing to me? Alas,
+in my solitude what would have befallen me but for
+those sweet memories!</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_040.jpg"><img src="images/i_040_tn.jpg" width="400" height="181" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">HE COMMENCED HIS TALE</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'One evening the Prime Minister appeared on
+his hands and knees at the door of the throne-room,
+bearing on a little plate upon his back the slight
+supper that was served to me in this strange manner
+every evening. With drooping head, and visibly<!-- Page 22 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span>
+quaking with awe, he gradually crawled near, and
+when at the foot of the throne placed the supper (a
+mere anchovy truffle on toast) before me and fell flat
+on his face, writhing at my feet.</p>
+
+<p>'Who can describe my feelings as I bent over
+him and witnessed this degradation, this prostration
+before me, of one who had revelled with me, who had
+slapped me on the back in pure amity, and who, in
+days of yore, had gambolled, frisked, and carolled the
+most enchanting glees with me. A great hot tear fell
+from my left eye as I gazed, and the startled wretch
+leapt to his feet as it splashed upon his bald crown
+and trickled down its glossy sides, leaving a red and
+glowing spot where it had fallen. No words of mine
+could describe the misery expressed on the face of the
+unhappy man as he took one hasty glance at me, full
+of the deepest meaning, and rushed from the room
+weeping bitterly. Alas! he, too, remembered.</p>
+
+<p>'No heart had I now for the anchovy truffle, nor
+indeed for the toast, both of which I tossed lightly
+from me. I gave up my mind to most melancholy
+reflections. Night drew on, and one by one I could
+hear the ministers and domestics creeping up stealthily
+to bed, and at nine o'clock all the electric lights in the
+palace were switched off, and I was left in total darkness
+and in solitude. Still I brooded on my throne,
+unable to sleep for the weight of my robes and for
+the sad thoughts that passed through my mind, and
+mechanically counted the hours as they stole slowly by.<!-- Page 23 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'At length the clock in the hall downstairs struck
+eleven, and as the last beat echoed through the empty
+rooms, a light appeared underneath the door opposite
+the throne. Little heed did I give to this at first,
+imagining that one of the ministers, on retiring, had
+omitted to remove his boots and leave them in the
+hall, and was now returning to place them there.
+The light, however, remained, and to my increasing
+wonderment some one tried the handle of the door,
+which was then opened very cautiously and in there
+crept, on hands and knees, my old friend the Prime
+Minister. As soon as he was well within the room
+and had quietly closed the door, he leapt to his feet
+and executed the most astonishing capers that were
+ever danced. With the liveliest satisfaction expressed
+all over his mobile features, he pirouetted round the
+room with the greatest animation, and daringly accomplished
+the giddiest somersaults that were ever turned.
+At last, nearly exhausted with this vigorous performance,
+he ran up to the throne, grasped me by the
+hand, which he wrung most heartily, and for all the
+world was his good old self again.</p>
+
+<p>'He now bade me follow him, and in utter silence
+we both crept out of the throne-room, through the
+ante-room, down the stairs, across the hall, and out by
+the front door into the garden.</p>
+
+<p>'We now traversed the terrace and crossed the
+tennis lawn, and stepping gently across the Rhododendron
+beds, scrambled as carefully as possible over the<!-- Page 24 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span>
+barbed-wire fence and found ourselves in the kitchen
+garden. Passing through innumerable beds of cabbages,
+beetroots, turnips, brussels sprouts, and broccoli,
+we at last stood in front of an old broken-down hen-house.
+The Minister knocked very gently three
+distinct times and gave a low musical call, which was
+immediately answered from within. The door now
+opened just sufficiently to admit one person at a time,
+and the Prime Minister crept in, dragging me after
+him, and then closing the door as quickly and as
+quietly as possible.</p>
+
+<p>'You may imagine my surprise when I discovered
+my two other old cronies seated amongst the hay
+newly strewn on the floor, the fat old roosters chortling
+wisely the while on their perches in the roof of the
+shed. Two or three candles, that were glued with
+their own fat on the stakes that were driven securely
+into the ground, together with an old stable lantern suspended
+from the roof, served to light up the interior.
+A squat and homely kettle was simmering cheerily in
+front of some glowing embers in the centre of the floor
+awaiting the brewing of a stout cup of tea, and the
+dominoes were all ready for a rattling game as of old.</p>
+
+<p>'Nothing could exceed the joy of the dear old boys,
+as they gripped me by the hand and punched me first
+on the chest and again on the back from pure joy,
+forgetting all the awe with which they had regarded
+me for so long since, and only remembering the many
+happy times we had spent together in days of yore,&mdash;those<!-- Page 25 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span>
+far-off happy days, before I had been so terribly,
+so uncomfortably exalted by my subjects.</p>
+
+<p>'As soon as I had made myself pretty comfortable,
+the Minister of Education reached up, and taking one
+of the old chickens from its perch, quickly killed it,
+plucked it and trussed it, and then, suspending it over
+the embers by a piece of string from the roof, turned
+it round and round gently until it was done to a T.</p>
+
+<p>'What a time we had in that old shed to be sure.
+After demolishing the chicken we played the most
+exciting games of dominoes until we were tired of
+them, then cats' cradles, then honey-pots, and then
+touch wood. And what could have been more refreshing
+than those cups of tea! And what more
+invigorating than the Pontefract cakes, the slabs of
+cocoanut ice, and sheets of almond hard-bake that
+we crunched between the games! And the songs
+and choruses with which we shook the crazy old hen-house
+to its rotting foundations! My word! How
+we trolled them out!</p>
+
+<p>'When our joy was at its height, and we were
+carolling the inimitable chorus of that more than
+glorious old song of the country-side, "Waiting for the
+Guinea Fowl," we were suddenly reminded of the
+approach of day by the loud crowing of the old cock
+over our heads, and peeping at once out of the door
+we perceived that already the dawn had advanced and
+lightened the eastern sky.</p>
+
+<p><!-- Page 26 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 236px;">
+<a href="images/i_045.jpg"><img src="images/i_045_tn.jpg" width="236" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">WHAT A TIME WE HAD</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Without a moment's hesitation, the guttering
+candles were extinguished, and I was hurried back
+to the palace. But only just in time, for as I mounted
+the steps of my throne I could hear the lazy steps of
+the boot-boy as he unwillingly crawled downstairs to
+his work.<!-- Page 27 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'In the course of the day the Egg Counter to the
+Royal Household was dragged grovelling before me,
+complaining that the foxes had stolen one of the
+chickens under his care. I ordered the treasurer to
+disburse 9d. for a trap and dismissed the grinning
+churl, who little guessed the breed of foxes which had
+made away with his bird.</p>
+
+<p>'Night after night the four of us, unsuspected of
+any, now sought the hen-house, and forgot the harassing
+troubles of state in the pure joys of friendship.
+After killing, roasting, and supping off one of the
+birds as on our first meeting, we abandoned ourselves
+to the heartiest revelry, only to be awakened to the
+cold everyday world by the crowing of the old bantam.</p>
+
+<p>'During the daytime my friends resumed their
+deferential and almost servile demeanour, and nothing
+remained to remind me of the revels of the night
+before but the troubles of the Egg Counter, who now
+came to me every day with a fresh complaint that yet
+another of his birds had disappeared.</p>
+
+<p>'And now begins the narration of the most
+terrible of all my trials. One night&mdash;how well can I
+remember it, it was on the eve of that very day when
+the mighty King of the Persians and all his court were
+coming to spend the week-end with us, in order to
+celebrate my sixty-fifth birthday&mdash;we met as usual in
+the hen-house, and discovered to our dismay that we
+had demolished all the fowls with the exception of
+the old cock. After some discussion, and regardless<!-- Page 28 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span>
+of consequences, we decided to treat him as we had
+already treated his brothers and sisters, and in a very
+little time nothing was left of the tough old biped but
+bones, beak and feathers. Heedless of the morrow,
+we now gave ourselves up to the wildest enjoyment.
+Discarding such simple games as dominoes and honey-pots,
+we now indulged in the more thrilling joys of
+leap-frog, Hunt the Stag, Red Rover, Robbers and
+Thieves, and you would not believe me were I to tell
+you the amount of toffee, brandy-snaps, bull's eyes,
+and Edinburgh rock that we absorbed in the course of
+this agreeable evening.</p>
+
+<p>'Enlivened, no doubt, by the thought that to-morrow
+was my birthday, my excitement was intense,
+and communicating itself to my prankful cronies, it
+electrified their old bones in the most amazing
+manner.</p>
+
+<p>'How long we should have kept it up, it is, of
+course, impossible for me to say, but we were suddenly
+brought to a standstill by a loud knocking on the door
+of the shed and the sound of a great concourse of
+people on the other side. On opening the door I
+nearly fainted in my horror, for whom should I behold
+but the King of Persia and all his court, and as far as
+the eye could reach the faces of the Trojans all lit up
+by the morning sun, staring intently at the shed.
+Alas, we had eaten the old cock, our only timepiece,
+many hours ago, and without our knowledge the day
+had dawned and grown to midday.<!-- Page 29 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'Who shall describe my profound mortification,
+as I observed the look of sorrow on the King of
+Persia's noble countenance, or the distress with which
+I viewed the agonised disappointment of my subjects
+as they beheld their king, whom they one and all
+delighted to honour, playing leap-frog in a hen-house.</p>
+
+<p>'It appeared that on the arrival of the King of
+Persia, they had all proceeded in lordly procession
+with bands playing and flags flying to the throne-room,
+and not finding me there they had hunted everywhere
+for me, high and low, until at last, guided by the
+sounds of revelry in the hen-house, they discovered
+my wretched self in the ignominious position I have
+already described.</p>
+
+<p>'I was now seized by two of the Persian guards
+at the command of their monarch and marched off to
+the Palace, a lane being opened for me through the
+crowds of my silent and sorrowing subjects.</p>
+
+<p>'A council was very hurriedly called together, at
+which it was decided that I should be banished for
+ever from the city of Troy for so demeaning the
+exalted position to which I had been elevated, by
+my frolics in the hen-house, and that henceforth
+the King of Persia should reign in my stead.</p>
+
+<p>'Stripping my royal robes from me (they were
+compelled to leave my crown on, for it was so firmly
+fixed that it would not come off, try as they would),
+they now bandaged my eyes, and, with the only baggage
+I was allowed to take, tied up in an old<!-- Page 30 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span>
+patch-work quilt, they led me forth. Past crowds
+of my subjects, who now gave way to the most heartfelt
+sorrow, I was led, through the old gates of my
+beloved city and far out into the country. After we
+had travelled for about thirty miles my conductors
+at last removed the bandage from my eyes and left
+me to my despair, alone in the wilderness.</p>
+
+<p>'Sinking to the ground, I wept bitterly for three-quarters
+of an hour, when hunger beginning to assert
+itself, I started upon this long journey, which has at
+length brought me to you.</p>
+
+<p>'For many months have I travelled, often compelled
+to ask the way or beg assistance of the merest
+strangers, until at last,' concluded the old gentleman,
+'as I was resting to-day in the shadow of this rick, I
+saw you all coming over the hill, and mistaking you
+for the legions of the King of Persia sent to hunt me
+down, I hid myself in the top of the rick.'</p>
+
+<p>Bill and all his charges were deeply moved at so
+harrowing a tale, and willingly proffered any assistance
+they were capable of rendering to the unhappy old
+boy.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<a href="images/i_052.jpg"><img src="images/i_052_tn.jpg" width="300" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">The King of Troy compelled to ask his way</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The King of Troy, now assured of the good faith
+of his new friends, unfolded to them a scheme he had
+formed to raise an army and to march on Troy, and
+so recover, if possible, his lost power. Bill at once
+offered his services and was created commander-in-chief
+on the spot, and calling for volunteers, was
+answered by one great shout of joy from all his<!-- Page 31 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span>
+charges, every one of whom enlisted there and then
+in the new army of the King of Troy.</p>
+
+<p>Chad, Hannibal, Randall, Noah, Ratchett, Nero,
+Biddulph, and Knut were each promoted to the rank
+of officers as a matter of course, while the gentle
+Boadicea was deputed to look after the old King,
+whose comfort was now her greatest aim in life.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 260px;">
+<a href="images/i_054.jpg"><img src="images/i_054_tn.jpg" width="260" height="400" alt="" title="TAILPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<p><!-- Page 32 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 171px;">
+<a href="images/i_055.jpg"><img src="images/i_055_tn.jpg" width="171" height="400" alt="" title="VIGNETTE" /></a>
+</div>
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><!-- Page 33 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 336px;">
+<a href="images/i_056.jpg"><img src="images/i_056_tn.jpg" width="303" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE-PAGE [The Ancient Mariner]" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 34 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_057.jpg"><img src="images/i_057_tn.jpg" width="400" height="326" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+
+
+<h2><a name="THE_ANCIENT_MARINER" id="THE_ANCIENT_MARINER"></a>THE ANCIENT MARINER</h2>
+
+
+<p>The next thing to be done was certainly to
+make the old King comfortable, so Bill took
+him home, and the good Chloe dosed him
+well with hot gruel, and made him put his feet in hot
+water, and sent him to bed. After remaining snugly
+tucked up for a few days, the cheerful old soul was
+ready and eager to start with his new army for Troy.</p>
+
+<p>In the meantime Bill, with the assistance of
+Crispin, had constructed a wonderful perambulator,<!-- Page 35 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>
+in which the King could be conveyed with his luggage
+and such comforts as would be necessary for the old
+man during his progress.</p>
+
+<p>Having secured the permission of Crispin and
+Chloe, and of the other parents concerned (most of
+whom seemed only too glad to get rid of the lot), Bill,
+the King, and all the gallant young soldiers started
+on their adventurous journey. Loud were the shouts
+of admiration as the brave creatures marched down
+the village street; and at last, when they had entirely
+disappeared, the place seemed suddenly so quiet and
+dull that all retired to their bedrooms and gave way
+to tears.</p>
+
+<p>However, our duty is to follow the young braves.
+Having marched along the road across the Downs for
+some distance, they met the strangest couple,&mdash;a kind-looking
+old gentleman who, to judge from his appearance,
+had spent the greater part of his life upon the
+ocean, carrying in his arms, carefully and tenderly as
+though he were a frail young baby, another man, with
+the saddest and most thoughtful face that you ever
+beheld. Such touching kindness deeply affected all
+who witnessed it, and Bill at once greeted the good
+gentleman, and begged of him to account to them for
+his very strange appearance on the country road.</p>
+
+<p>'Sirs,' said the Ancient Mariner, as he placed his
+burden lovingly on the ground, 'my name is Jack,
+Plain Jack, and I am the ninth mate of the Swedish
+ship <i>Turnip</i>, a brig-rigged barquentine, that sailed<!-- Page 36 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span>
+from Cherry Garden Pier for Margate with a cargo of
+camels, in the year 1840, and has never since been
+heard of.</p>
+
+<p>'Though a born sailor, I succeeded my father in
+what was one of the best corn-chandler's businesses in
+that part of Barking. By my industry and thrift I, in
+time, so bettered my position and improved my business
+that I felt fully entitled to settle down and enter
+into the state of matrimony. For some years I had
+had my eye on the enchanting Jane Osbaldistone de
+Trevor, whose father kept a large brill farm by Barking
+Creek,&mdash;in fact, the largest of the many brill farms
+that used, in those days, to line the river from Limehouse
+Reach to Cherry Garden Pier.</p>
+
+<p>'His wealth and importance did not deter me from
+aspiring to the hand of his fascinating daughter; and
+why should they have done so? Was not I in the very
+promising position of owning the largest corn-chandler's
+store, from Wapping Old Stairs even as far down as
+Barking Creek? And then, again, was not I as well
+born as he, for did not my ancestors chandle corn in
+Barking long before the De Trevors had crossed the
+Channel, when they may, indeed, have earned a precarious
+livelihood by letting bathing-machines on the
+beach at Boulogne?</p>
+
+<p>'Nevertheless, on my broaching the subject to the
+old gentleman, he threw every conceivable obstacle in
+my way, and made conditions that were wellnigh
+impossible of being carried out. "If," said he, "you<!-- Page 37 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span>
+can bring to me, within the next few years, some
+object more wonderful than anything in the Bethnal
+Green Museum,&mdash;some object beside which St. Paul's
+Cathedral, the Monument, the Tower of London, or
+the Tower Bridge will be as uninteresting as an old
+one-bladed pocket-knife,&mdash;then you shall marry my
+daughter, but not otherwise"; and he chuckled to
+himself, knowing only too well that he had wellnigh
+dashed my hopes for ever.</p>
+
+<p>'But, after all, little did he know Plain Jack. Disappointed,
+but with some hope yet of claiming the
+lovely Jane, I sold my business for a considerable sum
+of money, which I took with me in my sea-chest,
+and signed on as Cabin Boy aboard the Swedish ship,
+<i>Turnip</i>, fully determined to travel all over the world, if
+necessary, in order to fulfil the conditions imposed
+upon me by the irritating old gentleman.</p>
+
+<p>'Foreseeing well how useful my superior officers
+might be to me in my quest, I resolved, as far as possible
+to deserve their good-will, and I behaved with such
+exemplary conduct that before we had passed Greenwich
+Hospital I was promoted to the rank of twelfth
+mate.</p>
+
+<p>'Still persevering in my good intentions, I performed
+many little acts of kindness, such as brewing
+the captain a cup of tea when he least expected it, and
+handing round to the officers and crew bars of colt's foot
+rock, a supply of which I took good care to bring
+with me. I repeat, so continually attentive was I, that,<!-- Page 38 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span>
+before we had passed the Nore, I was promoted to the
+rank of eleventh mate.</p>
+
+<p>'Off Herne Bay, I was still further able to gratify
+the captain and officers by pointing out to them the
+various public buildings and places of interest, which
+I had visited only last year during a delightful week-end
+trip. So delighted were they all that, before
+sighting Margate, I was promoted to the rank of tenth
+mate.</p>
+
+<p>'On arriving at Margate, numerous merchants came
+along the jetty in bath-chairs to examine our cargo.
+None, however, wanted to buy camels; all wanted
+donkeys for the sands. In spite of the captain's argument,
+that camels were much more used to sand than
+donkeys, having spent the best part of their lives on
+the sands of the desert, the merchants were obdurate,
+and we had to sail away again with our camels. We
+also now carried with us a shipload of Carraway Comfits,
+which we had purchased at Margate, hoping to be
+able to dispose of them at some port, and so compensate
+ourselves for the loss of business at Margate.</p>
+
+<p><!-- Page 39 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_062.jpg"><img src="images/i_062_tn.jpg" width="400" height="333" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">I SIGN ON AS CABIN BOY</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'For many days we sailed on and on, out through
+the Yarmouth Roads into the Persian Gulf, one incident
+alone standing out vividly in my memory during this
+part of the voyage. It was the dog watch, on a lovely
+summer evening; we were making little way, just
+sufficient to enliven the whitebait that leapt and
+prattled round our prow, or disturb a lazy brill
+that dozed upon our course. Here and there the
+spotted tunny would leap several yards from the sea,
+to descend again with a mighty smack upon the waters.
+From afar, borne upon the gentle breeze, came the
+low grizzle of the sperm-whale as it herded its young,
+or the thud of the mighty sword-fish, as it drove home
+the deadly weapon with which Nature, knowing its
+own ends, has provided him; while, mellowed by even
+greater distance, the high-pitched yell of the land-cod
+and the shriek of its maddened prey, could now and
+again be heard. I was lazily reclining among the peak<!-- Page 40 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span>
+halyards, whittling out a mermaid's head from a piece
+of hard-boiled gannet's egg, which I intended to send
+to Jane, should a passing vessel give me such an
+opportunity. Full of peace, and imbued with the calm
+that pervaded the sea and the sky, I was hardly prepared
+for the shock in store for me. Suddenly, without
+any warning, I was jerked from my position among the
+halyards, and flung head-first into the sea. Down,
+and down I went, until, nearly exhausted, I made one
+great effort to come to the surface. When at last I
+reached it, I found that from some unknown cause the
+ship had been tilted nearly on to its side, and thus
+had sent me almost to the bottom of the sea.</p>
+
+<p>'To climb on deck and ascertain the cause of the
+disaster was the work of a moment. It transpired
+that the cargo of carraway comfits had got shifted
+and was mixed up with the camels. The captain
+was asleep at the time, and every one else seemed to
+lose his wits, so I at once took the matter into my
+own hands, and descended into the hold with twelve
+picked men.</p>
+
+<p>'The plight of the camels was sad indeed to see.
+Some were fearfully chafed with the comfits, thus
+proving with what force the latter must have been
+showered upon them by the shifting of the cargo.
+Fortunately, however, although it was very black in the
+ship's hold, the camels were easily distinguished from
+the comfits, and it was only a work of patience and
+a little time to sift them and so right the ship again.<!-- Page 41 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'When the captain awakened and learnt how I
+had saved the ship, his gratitude knew no bounds,
+and he still further promoted me by making me his
+ninth mate.</p>
+
+<p>'For years we sailed from port to port, taking in
+one cargo here, another there, occasionally with some
+advantage to ourselves, but more often with none at
+all, and never with any good fortune attending me
+in my quest. When we were about thirty days' sail
+out from Guatemala, and, as far as I could tell, in
+latitude 195 and longitude 350 (that is, about 60
+degrees east of the Equator), we encountered a
+storm which brought me to the successful accomplishment
+of my quest. It was four bells and my watch
+below, so I had gone aloft in the mizzen shrouds, and
+with my feet resting idly on the top-gallant backstay,
+holding securely to the weather topsail reeftackle, I
+munched a tunny sandwich, a few of which I had
+prevailed upon the steward to cut for me. Under a
+clear sky, we were making roughly, I should say, about
+335 knots, and it was already blowing half a gale; a
+choppy sea was running, yet, except for the clots of
+spindrift, that now and again hurtled against the mast,
+there was no real promise of the storm to come; so I
+went on with my sandwiches.</p>
+
+<p>'We were now sailing close-hauled under double-reefed
+main storm topsails and fore and aft main
+staysails, keeping a good course and shipping very
+little water, when, suddenly, I beheld on the horizon,<!-- Page 42 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span>
+well to windward, a little cloud no larger than a
+tomato,&mdash;the English tomato, I mean, not the foreign
+species, though it rapidly attained that size. It grew
+larger and larger until it was quite the size of a full-grown
+vegetable marrow; yet, little recking that it
+contained the seeds of the terrible tempest that was
+so soon to overwhelm us, I still went on with my
+sandwiches.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_065.jpg"><img src="images/i_065_tn.jpg" width="400" height="337" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">I WENT ON WITH MY SANDWICHES</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Presently the gale increased, and the seas swelled<!-- Page 43 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span>
+up to the size of Ludgate Hill. Whole shoals of the
+passive skate arose to the surface and flopped
+warningly about our vessel. To leeward could be
+seen flocks of the wild sea shrike, whose ominous
+bark could be distinctly heard above the snort of
+the coming tempest. By now the cloud had half
+filled the heavens; the seas rose higher and higher;
+the din was terrific, as the wind tore from the sea
+shoal upon shoal of the shy sardine and whirled
+them through the air. Soon the ship was drenched
+in the high seas that continually broke over her and
+the quarts and quarts of rain that wolloped from the
+dense cloud now covering the whole sky and blotting
+out all light.</p>
+
+<p>'At last came the order from the captain, who
+now realised the danger that threatened his vessel.
+"Up helm," roared he, through his speaking-trumpet,
+"clew up the lee braces of the topsail halyards; haul
+out the reef tackle and brail up the spanker." But
+the command came too late. The fore-topsail studding
+booms went by the board, carrying with them
+the bowsprit, the main mast, the fo'c's'le, the top-gallant
+studding-sail halyard, and the captain's
+tobacco-pouch, which had been placed upon the
+bowsprit earlier in the afternoon. Nothing could
+now be seen except, here and there, the gleam on
+some fish as it was whirled, with the masts, men,
+boots, screws, sharks, thimbles, sea anemones, watch-chains,
+ship's stores, planks, and other miscellaneous<!-- Page 44 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span>
+objects, through the sky. I had barely finished my
+last sandwich when, lo, everything became a blank to
+me and I lost all consciousness.</p>
+
+<p>'How long I remained thus I cannot say, but I
+awakened on the sandy shore of some island, upon
+which I had been thrown by the force of the
+wind. Nothing could I see of my companions: a
+few planks and spars and my own wretched self
+were all that remained to tell the tale of the good
+ship <i>Turnip</i>.</p>
+
+<p>'The wind had dropped, and it was a beautiful
+morning, not a trace of the storm remaining, only
+here and there the panting of the crayfish, as they
+nestled behind the rocks, or the gasping of the
+oysters telling of the strain they had undergone.
+I gazed along the shore in each direction, hoping
+to discover a bathing-machine, and so satisfy myself
+that the island was inhabited. Nothing was in sight,
+however, so I lay down again and dozed. When I
+awoke once more it was high noon, and the vertical
+rays of the sun warned me that it was time to take
+shelter. I raised myself on one arm with this intention,
+when I became aware of a strange figure,
+dressed in a long robe and with a great turban,
+who was seated on a rock near by, gazing out
+to sea.</p>
+
+<p>'I got to my feet with considerable difficulty as I
+was faint with hunger and stiff in the limbs, and was
+about to approach the object, when I discovered two<!-- Page 45 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span>
+more figures, who evidently had the same intention.
+Seemingly they did not wish to be observed by the
+singular creature I have already described, for they
+were stealthily approaching him from behind, creeping
+from rock to rock. I at once stooped down
+behind a great star-fish, determined to watch unobserved.</p>
+
+<p>'I now noticed that both were savages, and that
+one of them held close to his body an old, rusty kitchen-range;
+while the other carried, in one hand, a basket
+of coals, and with the other supported a huge, iron
+sauce-pan across his shoulders. Nearer and nearer
+drew the cannibals (as I soon guessed them to be) to
+their intended victim, who, however, either because he
+did not hear them, or did not dread them, took no
+notice at all. Presently they were crouching down
+behind him, and he was still apparently unconscious
+of their presence. Then, with a wild whoop they leapt
+into the air, and dropped on the ground in front of
+him. Even now the amazing creature took no notice
+of the cannibals or their antics, as they danced and
+yelled around him. Soon realising that there was
+something very unusual in his reception of them, they
+stared in awe and amazement at him for some time,
+and then fled in terror, leaving the saucepan, the
+kitchen-range and the other cooking utensils behind
+them.</p>
+
+<p>'They ran along the sands, and dropped behind
+a rock at a great distance away, where they remained<!-- Page 46 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span>
+completely hidden for some long time. Presently,
+however, one black head appeared for an instant above
+the rock, and gazed in the direction of the thoughtful
+creature by the sea. This head was very quickly withdrawn
+from view and another popped up,&mdash;only to
+disappear as quickly. Then the first appeared again,
+and so on. This continued until they had regained
+a little of their nerve, when I could see them once
+more crawling back to the abstracted figure on the
+shore. Again they drew very close to him, and now
+that they had sufficiently mastered their fears, they
+approached and examined him very closely, and proceeded
+at once to prepare their evening meal. First
+of all they lit the fire, then they carefully placed their
+unresisting victim in the saucepan, after filling it with
+water from the sea, and were just about to lift it on
+to the range when I lost all patience, and shouted
+from my hiding-place, "Hold!" so many times in
+quick succession, and each time in a different tone
+of voice, that the cannibals must have thought there
+were at least thirty men or more in hiding. At any
+rate, they fled in the most abject terror, never to
+return.</p>
+
+<p>'Giving them good time to disappear, I now emerged
+from my hiding-place and approached the absent-minded
+creature, gently lifting him from the saucepan,
+in which I found him still sitting and gazing out
+to sea. Gathering together many sea-urchins, rock-beetles,
+and branches of a succulent sea-weed, with<!-- Page 47 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span>
+which the beach had been strewn by the recent storm,
+I prepared an exquisite stew, and made a very hearty
+meal. I was also able to induce my companion to
+take some, without, however, succeeding in breaking
+his train of thought.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_070.jpg"><img src="images/i_070_tn.jpg" width="400" height="296" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">FOR YEARS WE SAILED</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'For many months no other friend had I than this
+preoccupied curiosity, who seemed quite unable to
+give me any clue as to who he was or whence he came.
+Perhaps he had been shipwrecked there in childhood&mdash;who
+knows?&mdash;and wandered there ever since, the
+wonder of every limpet or lugworm that squirmed
+upon those shores, or the sport of every mer-kid that
+flipped a fin in those unknown waters.<!-- Page 48 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'To cut a long story short, I soon realised that
+here was the object I was in search of, and that if this
+dreamy creature did not sufficiently astonish old De
+Trevor, and compel him to consent to my marrying
+his daughter, nothing on this earth would do the deed,
+so I resolved to leave the island with my treasure as
+soon as I could make it possible to do so. I set about
+making a raft, which I quickly succeeded in completing,
+having since my childhood had a great knack
+at the making of rafts, and, without undue delay, I
+embarked with my prize, provisioned with as many
+shell-fish and branches of the succulent sea-weed as
+the raft would carry.</p>
+
+<p>'After some few months, and just as we had finished
+our last limpet, we had the good fortune to be picked
+up by a tramp-steamer, bound for Saskatchewan from
+Mombasa, with a cargo of periwinkles. The captain
+was such a kind-hearted man that, on hearing my story
+he decided to go out of his course, and land us at
+Cherry Garden Pier; and so, my good friends, after
+sixty years' sailing all over the globe, I arrived home
+again, a poorer but a kinder man.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<a href="images/i_074.jpg"><img src="images/i_074_tn.jpg" width="300" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">The sport of every mer-kid</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'You may be sure that I lost no time in seeking
+out Jane herself, with every hope of at last being
+able to claim her hand, but alas! gentlemen,' said the
+Ancient Mariner, with a large, salt tear about to fall
+from each eye, and as he once more tenderly lifted his
+burden, 'I was to find that Jane had become a very,
+very old woman, with many little grandchildren of<!-- Page 49 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span>
+her own, and that she had entirely forgotten my existence.
+She had me turned away from her doorstep
+as a raving madman, even with my interesting, absent-minded,
+and inseparable companion.</p>
+
+<p>'Thus, Good Sirs, I have to start life anew, and if
+my great experience should be of any service to you,
+believe me, it is yours to command.'</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_076.jpg"><img src="images/i_076_tn.jpg" width="400" height="133" alt="" title="TAILPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 50 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 249px;">
+<a href="images/i_077.jpg"><img src="images/i_077_tn.jpg" width="249" height="400" alt="" title="VIGNETTE" /></a>
+<span class="caption">THE ANCIENT MARINER</span>
+</div>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><!-- Page 51 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 359px;">
+<a href="images/i_078.jpg"><img src="images/i_078_tn.jpg" width="307" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE-PAGE [The Triplets]" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 52 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_079.jpg"><img src="images/i_079_tn.jpg" width="400" height="185" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a name="THE_TRIPLETS" id="THE_TRIPLETS"></a>THE TRIPLETS</h2>
+
+
+<p>Right gladly were the services of the plucky
+old salt accepted by the gallant little band,
+and taking it in turns to relieve him of his
+burden, they jovially marched along. The way was
+enlivened by many a good chorus, until the old King
+complained of a headache, when every one had to be
+quiet and talk only in quite a low tone, while Boadicea
+soothed the old fidget, and lulled him to sleep, by
+removing his crown and gently stroking the top of his
+head with a mint leaf, rolled into a little ball, and
+fastened to the end of a stem of sweet-briar. He
+awakened shortly after tea, very much refreshed for
+his nap, and every one grew merry again.</p>
+
+<p>He now, however, considerably delayed the progress<!-- Page 53 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span>
+of the expedition by insisting on running after butterflies,
+and trying to catch them in his crown. Though
+anxious enough to continue their journey, all the army
+awaited with great patience the pleasure of the old
+sportsman. At length Knut, who had been eagerly
+watching the King for some time, as he frisked about
+the fields after the brightly-coloured insects, could not
+restrain himself from doing likewise. Now Hannibal
+joined in the sport, then Quentin, then Noah, then
+Ratchett, and, so exciting did the chase become, soon
+all the force were frantically running about the fields
+with the lively monarch, while Boadicea remained by
+the carriage and darned his old stockings.</p>
+
+<p>At last the King grew tired, and they all came
+back to the road and resumed their march. The tiresome
+sovereign now insisted on the Ancient Mariner
+removing his burden to the rear, complaining that the
+absent-minded creature would stare at him, and that
+he did not wish to be gazed at or wondered at. 'Time
+enough for that,' said he, 'when I'm on my throne
+again.' Having effected this change in the order of
+the procession, they now marched on without further
+interruption from the King.</p>
+
+<p>Towards nightfall they drew near to the sea, on the
+shores of which they hoped to spend the night. Bill
+being, as usual, a little in advance of the others, was
+the first to descend to the sands, seated on which he
+discovered, to his great astonishment, three young
+children weeping bitterly, and near to them, in the<!-- Page 54 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span>
+same state of grief, he beheld an old gentleman seated
+upon a rock. But what aroused his astonishment
+even more than their extreme wretchedness, was the
+fact that the three children were all exactly alike in
+every particular,&mdash;the same size, the same hair, the
+same eyes,&mdash;in fact, there was no perceptible difference
+of any kind between them. Now and again, one of the
+children would endeavour to comfort the old man, and
+he again would attempt to perform the like kindly
+office for them. Wondering what could so upset such
+worthy creatures, Bill approached and besought them
+to confide to him their troubles, that he might try to
+relieve them to the best of his ability. Their tears,
+however, effectually prevented them from replying at
+once to him. Giving them a little time to recover, Bill
+again addressed them. 'Who are you?' said he, and
+they all answered between their sobs, 'We are the
+Duchess of Blowdripping and her two sisters, Mellinid
+and Edil.'</p>
+
+<p>'Which of you,' asked Bill, 'is the Duchess?'</p>
+
+<p>'That's what we don't know,' they replied. 'We
+only know that she is neither Mellinid nor Edil.'</p>
+
+<p>'Then who of you is Mellinid, and who Edil?'
+again queried the puzzled Bill.</p>
+
+<p>'That's what all the trouble's about,' they tearfully
+rejoined. 'All we can tell you for certain is that
+neither of them is the Duchess,' and the poor little
+creatures redoubled their cries.</p>
+
+<p>More puzzled than ever, and quite at a loss to find<!-- Page 55 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span>
+any clue to their troubles, Bill again besought them to
+relieve their minds by confiding in him. Then one of
+the little creatures stood up and, after drying her eyes,
+addressed Bill in the following way:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_082.jpg"><img src="images/i_082_tn.jpg" width="400" height="343" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">ENDEAVOURING TO COMFORT THE OLD MAN</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'As you have most likely guessed, we are triplets,
+and were christened Blaura, Mellinid and Edil, after
+three great-aunts renowned for their intelligence and
+their many virtues. From our earliest days we were so
+much alike that each had to wear a different coloured<!-- Page 56 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span>
+hair-ribbon to distinguish her from her sisters. Blaura
+wore red, Mellinid blue, and Edil green. Our affectionate
+parents, the late Duke and Duchess of Blowdripping,
+died when we were barely six months old,
+and we were all left in charge of our uncle, the
+benevolent gentleman you see weeping on my left.
+Before the thoughtful creatures expired, feeling that
+their end was drawing near, they were faced with the
+difficult problem as to which of us should be the new
+Duchess; all of us, as I have said before, being of the
+same age. Of course, I need not tell you that it was
+quite out of the question we should all inherit the
+title; three young ladies trying to be one duchess
+would be absurd in the extreme. So our intelligent
+and resourceful mother and father decided, after much
+deliberation with the family solicitor, and the vicar of
+the parish, that Blaura should succeed to the title and
+all the dignities of the Duchy of Blowdripping when
+she arrived at the age of eight years, and that, at the
+same time, Mellinid should become the owner of
+Blowdripping Hall, with its priceless collections of
+pictures, old china, fossils and foreign stamps, and
+Edil become the possessor of the Blowdripping Park,
+in which the Hall is so pleasantly situated, with its
+herds of hedgehogs, elands and gnu. I am sure you
+will agree with me that no more just division of their
+great possessions could have been devised by the fair-minded
+couple. Our uncle was kindness itself, ever
+watching us with the affectionate care of a mother.<!-- Page 57 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span>
+He was always at hand to look to our comforts, and
+to see that no danger drew nigh, whether we were
+bathing in the marble fountains of the courtyard,
+taking the air in the park, or sleeping in our tastefully-decorated
+bedroom.</p>
+
+<p>'One beautiful summer's afternoon, when we were
+about one year old, we had been taken on to the
+verandah to enjoy our afternoon nap, in order that we
+might have advantage of the delightful breeze that
+blew across the woods from the sea. As usual our
+uncle was near by, and so soothing was the air that,
+unable to resist its drowsy influence, he, too, soon
+dozed off. Unfortunately we awakened before our
+unconscious nurse, and immediately rolled out of
+our cradles, and crawled along the pavement of the
+verandah. Great sport we had, I have no doubt, as
+children will, and certain it is that, attracted by their
+brilliant colours, we lost no time in removing from each
+other's heads our distinguishing ribbons, and speedily
+mixing them up. However, at length, and too late,
+our baby laughter awakened the old gentleman from
+his sleep. Too great for words was the astonishment
+of the unhappy man when he beheld us all shuffled up
+and mixed in this deplorable way upon the pavement.
+Bitterly he accused himself of wicked negligence for
+allowing such a thing to happen, for so alike were we
+without our distinguishing ribbons, that he could never
+hope to know one from the other again. He thought,
+and thought, and thought for the whole afternoon, but<!-- Page 58 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span>
+at the end he was no nearer discovering again which
+was the future Duchess, which Mellinid, and which
+Edil. At last, he gave it up in despair. Henceforth
+we were known only collectively as the future Duchess
+and her two sisters, but which is the Duchess,
+and which the two sisters, will remain for ever a
+mystery.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_085.jpg"><img src="images/i_085_tn.jpg" width="400" height="342" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">WE GREW UP IN COMPARATIVE HAPPINESS</span>
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 303px;">
+<a href="images/i_088.jpg"><img src="images/i_088_tn.jpg" width="303" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">He was always at hand</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Nevertheless, we grew up in comparative happiness
+until yesterday, the fateful day when we all became<!-- Page 59 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>
+eight years of age. Before breakfast, and with all due
+solemnity, our faithful uncle handed over to us the
+control and guardianship of the Blowdripping possessions,
+which had been entrusted to him until we should
+arrive at our present age, but, alas! we could not avail
+ourselves of the good provision made for us by our
+thoughtful parents, as neither one of us knew which
+of us we were. The Duchess, as head of the family,
+could not give her consent to anything, or advance any
+money for the housekeeping as, for all she knew, she
+might be one of her own sisters, in which case she
+would have been touching that which did not rightly
+belong to her. For the same reason Mellinid, not
+knowing who she herself was, could not give her consent
+to our remaining at the Hall, and likewise Edil
+could not allow the magnificent house still to occupy
+its lovely situation in the Blowdripping Park. After
+talking the matter over, and over again, we have come
+to the conclusion that, without the permission of the
+proper owners, which, you will see, it is impossible for
+us to obtain, the only course open to us was to abandon
+our riches, and to leave the park and the castle for
+ever. Our good uncle, putting all the blame for our
+troubles upon his own negligence, insisted on accompanying
+us.'</p>
+
+<p>At the conclusion of this strange story Bill was
+certainly aghast at the very difficult problem put before
+him, and quite at a loss to offer any solution. He
+therefore conducted the trembling triplets and their<!-- Page 60 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span>
+grief-stricken uncle before the King, who had in the
+meantime arrived upon the shore. Bill explained the
+difficult position in which the poor young things found
+themselves; but, wise as he undoubtedly was, the
+King for some time could make nothing whatever of
+it. He called all his officers and soldiers round him,
+and they formed one great semicircle, of which he was
+the centre; the triplets were then placed before him,
+and he at once proceeded to question them.</p>
+
+<p>'Have you,' said he, addressing the first triplet,
+'any idea as to which of the three of you you really
+are?'</p>
+
+<p>'None whatever,' answered the child.</p>
+
+<p>He then repeated the same question to the other
+triplets, and received the same answer.</p>
+
+<p>'Come now,' continued the King, in a cheerful
+voice, 'does any one of you feel at all like a duchess?'</p>
+
+<p>'We don't know how a duchess should feel,' they
+all replied.</p>
+
+<p>The King here frowned severely and ground his
+teeth.</p>
+
+<p>'Now, one of you must be telling an untruth,' said
+he, 'for one of you, as you say, is the Duchess, and
+must know exactly how she feels, which must be how
+a duchess feels. Come now, which of you is she?'
+And the quick-tempered monarch knit his brows into
+the most terrible folds. 'Unless that one is one of
+her own sisters and not the Duchess,' he roared,
+'she ought to be ashamed of her deceit, and severely<!-- Page 61 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span>
+punished; and if, indeed, she is not the Duchess,
+then she ought to be punished all the same. I've
+half a mind to have the three of you smacked hard,
+that I may at least be certain of punishing the
+right one.'</p>
+
+<p>Bill suggested timidly that perhaps this would be
+rather unfair, as two of them at least would be unjustly
+punished.</p>
+
+<p>'But which two?' snapped the irritated King.
+'How can any of them feel unjustly treated if she
+doesn't know whether she's the guilty one or not?'
+And he worked himself into a terrible fury, and strode
+up and down the sands, no one daring to approach
+him. Suddenly, without any warning of his intention,
+he ran down to the sea, and removing his shoes and
+stockings, cooled his temper by paddling his feet in
+the sea-water. In a little time he returned, his excitement
+much allayed, and soon the cries of the distracted
+and unhappy triplets, together with the pitiful
+sighs of the dejected uncle, entirely assuaged the
+wrath of the sympathetic, though quick-tempered,
+old man.</p>
+
+<p>When he once more resumed his place before the
+three children the storm had passed, and a sweet,
+good-natured smile enlivened his homely old face, and
+charmed all beholders.</p>
+
+<p>'Well, well, well,' said he, 'triplets will be
+triplets after all, and uncles uncles, all the world
+over.'<!-- Page 62 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>He at once resumed the inquiry, and placing
+his hand kindly on the head of the second triplet
+he now addressed the first in the following
+way:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'Let us suppose for the moment that you happen
+to know which of your sisters this particular one really
+is, who, in that case, would the third one be, if she
+(the third) were not Mellinid?'</p>
+
+<p>'Either Edil or the Duchess,' promptly replied the
+intelligent child.</p>
+
+<p>'Quite right,' said the King encouragingly, 'Now
+as this is not so, and you certainly do not know which of
+your sisters this one happens to be, the reverse must
+be true, so that if your other sister is neither Edil nor
+the Duchess, who must she be?'</p>
+
+<p>'Mellinid, of course,' readily answered the child,
+and every one applauded and wondered at the wisdom
+of the King.</p>
+
+<p>'It only now remains,' proceeded the King, addressing
+the first and second triplets 'to discover which of
+you is Edil and which the Duchess.' Placing his hand
+once more upon the head of the second triplet, he
+again addressed the first.</p>
+
+<p>'Suppose, for the sake of argument, that this sister
+of yours whom we now know not to be Mellinid were
+Mellinid and Mellinid the Duchess, in that case you
+would assuredly be Edil. Now as you cannot suppose
+this sister to be Mellinid when you know she is not,
+and the Duchess is the Duchess and not Mellinid,
+then our supposition must be wrong and the reverse<!-- Page 63 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span>
+true, so that Mellinid remains Mellinid and, as we say
+you are not Edil, then this little girl must be she.'
+Then shaking the first triplet by the hand, the complacent
+old potentate said in conclusion:&mdash;'And you,
+my dear creature, are thus proved to be neither Edil
+nor Mellinid but Blaura, the charming Duchess of
+Blowdripping, to whom I offer my hearty congratulations.'
+The cheerful soul now embraced the three
+children, and when he had a hand free he slapped
+the old uncle, who now looked the very picture of
+happiness, several times upon the back.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_094.jpg"><img src="images/i_094_tn.jpg" width="400" height="126" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">THE TRIPLETS ACCOMPANY THE ARMY</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Cheers were raised again and again at the unheard-of
+wisdom of the King of Troy. The old uncle completely
+exhausted himself by leaping high into the
+air over and over again, while the triplets were
+beyond themselves with joy at such a successful
+end to their troubles.</p>
+
+<p>So delighted were the triplets with their new
+friends that, during breakfast the next morning, they
+announced their intention of accompanying them to<!-- Page 64 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span>
+their journey's end, and entrusted the care of the
+Blowdripping estate to their old uncle until they
+should return. The camp packed up and when
+every one was ready to continue the journey, they all
+took an affectionate leave of the old man and
+marched on.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_095.jpg"><img src="images/i_095_tn.jpg" width="400" height="163" alt="" title="TAILPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><!-- Page 65 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 301px;">
+<a href="images/i_096.jpg"><img src="images/i_096_tn.jpg" width="301" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE-PAGE [Good Aunt Galladia]" /></a>
+</div>
+<hr />
+
+<p><!-- Page 66 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_097.jpg"><img src="images/i_097_tn.jpg" width="400" height="298" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a name="GOOD_AUNT_GALLADIA" id="GOOD_AUNT_GALLADIA"></a>GOOD AUNT GALLADIA</h2>
+
+
+<p>At first the King seemed disposed to be not a
+little irritable towards the triplets, murmuring
+something to himself about the extra
+expense. A good lunch, however, soon put him to
+rights, and he was his old cheerful self again.</p>
+
+<p>In the afternoon they met upon the road a long
+thin man with a grin of the greatest self-satisfaction
+widening his otherwise narrow face. In one hand he
+carried a cage containing a miserable old bird that
+could hardly boast an egg-cupful of feathers on its<!-- Page 67 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span>
+whole shrivelled body; in the other he carried a large
+wooden box. He very good-naturedly stood aside for
+the army to move on, but the King, whose curiosity
+had been aroused, would not allow him to be passed
+unquestioned, so he rang a little bell he always carried
+with him for the purpose, and the whole force at once
+stopped short. In obedience to a signal from the
+King, the long man stepped jauntily before him.
+'Anything wrong, old chirpy?' said he, addressing
+the King rather rudely as some thought. 'Not with
+me,' the King replied with much dignity. 'My only
+reason for calling you before me is to learn why you
+are so extremely pleased with yourself. Such a secret
+would be of the greatest value to us all.' 'Because
+she's given these back to me,' answered the long
+fellow as he opened his box and disclosed, all neatly
+arranged, a beautiful collection of birds' eggs. Every
+kind appeared to be there, and all of the most beautiful
+colours imaginable.</p>
+
+<p>'But who is she?' queried the King.</p>
+
+<p>'Why, my good Aunt Galladia, of course, but it's
+too long a story to tell standing up, so let us sit down
+by the roadside, and you shall hear all about it.'</p>
+
+<p>Every one now seated themselves on the grass by
+the side of the road and over a comforting cup of tea,
+speedily brewed by Boadicea, the long man began his
+story:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'My good aunt's full name was Galladia Glowmutton,
+and she was the only daughter of that<!-- Page 68 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span>
+gallant general, Sir Francis Melville Glowmutton,
+who distinguished himself so greatly in the defence
+of his country.</p>
+
+<p>'It was my good fortune to spend my earliest days
+in this good creature's company, she, noble soul that
+she was, having undertaken to look after me when my
+poor father and mother disappeared in a sand-storm
+many years before.</p>
+
+<p>'The greater part of her life this good woman had
+devoted to brightening the declining years of her well-loved
+father, whose arduous life, poor man, had left
+him in his old age, truth to tell, rather a tiresome,
+and sometimes a difficult, subject to get on with.
+However, thanks to her devotion and patience, he
+led a tolerably happy life. In the course of time the
+old warrior died and left the sorrowing lady well provided
+for,&mdash;that is, over and beyond necessaries, with
+sufficient money to keep up appearances, and even
+enough for her simple pleasures and hobbies.</p>
+
+<p>'For some months my good aunt could not fill the
+blank in her life left by the loss of her father. So
+much kindness, however, could not be kept back for
+long, and was bound in the course of time to find
+its object. Always with a love for every feathered
+creature, she at last set about gathering around her
+as complete a collection of them as she could obtain.
+Soon she had in her aviaries the most marvellous
+assembly of birds ever brought together even at the Zoo.
+There were specimens of the Paraguay gull, Borneo<!-- Page 69 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span>
+parrots, Australian gheck ghees, the laughing grete,
+Malay anchovy wren that only feeds upon anchovies
+(and very amusing indeed it is, too, to watch them
+spearing the little fish with their beaks and then trying
+to shake them off again), and the golden-crested mussel
+hawk, that swoops down from an incredible height
+and, snatching its prey from the rocks, again disappears
+in the sky. Without wearying you with a
+long list, nearly every known bird was represented in
+my aunt's collection, from the fierce saw-beaked stork
+of Tuscaroca to the mild and pretty little Gossawary
+chick.</p>
+
+<p>'Much as she prized every one of her pets, she
+loved most of all the very rare and beautiful green-toed
+button crane of Baraboo. So fond was she of the
+stately creature, and so careful of its every comfort,
+that she employed a maid to wait on it alone, and a
+special cook to prepare its meal of Peruvian yap beans,
+the delicious and tender kernels of which the dainty
+creature was inordinately fond of,&mdash;and, indeed, they
+were the only food upon which it throve.</p>
+
+<p>'Now, with your permission, a few words about
+myself. Like my aunt I, too, had birdish leanings,
+but unlike her in this, that instead of birds I collected
+birds' eggs, of which I had a vast number of every
+conceivable variety. Ashamed as I am to state it,
+little did my good Aunt Galladia know how many of
+the valuable specimens in my collection were taken
+from her aviaries. Nevertheless she viewed my<!-- Page 70 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span>
+specimens with growing suspicion, until at last she
+implicitly forbade me to collect any more. For a
+time I desisted, and merely contented myself with
+gloating over my already vast collection, but in a
+little while temptation became too strong for me and
+I resumed my pursuits.</p>
+
+<p>'One afternoon about this time I had mounted a
+tall tree in the Glowmutton Park, intent on obtaining
+the contents of a nest built in its highest branches.
+For some time I was unable to approach the nest,
+but at length, by dint of much perseverance, I just
+managed to reach my hand over the top, and took
+therefrom three beautiful eggs, of a kind as yet unrepresented
+in my collection. So occupied was I
+with my prize, that I did not at first observe what
+was taking place beneath the tree. But on beginning
+to descend, I saw to my horror immediately below me,
+my Aunt Galladia and her pet crane seated at tea,
+with the crane's maid in attendance.</p>
+
+<p><!-- Page 71 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_102.jpg"><img src="images/i_102_tn.jpg" width="400" height="178" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">I JUST MANAGED TO REACH THE EGGS</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Needless to say I did not continue my descent,
+but climbed out to the end of a branch, high over the
+group. I waited in dreadful suspense in the hope
+that my aunt would not look up, and that they would
+soon finish their meal and depart as quickly as they
+had arrived, but, alas! they were in no hurry. I
+trembled now so much that I could hear the leaves
+rustling on the branch, and whether it was that in my
+fear I loosened my hold, or that the branch shook so
+under my trembling form, or whether the sight of a
+beautiful plum cake, directly over which I was poised,
+made me lose my nerve, I know not, but certain it is
+that I fell from my position right on to the table.
+Both my aunt and the maid fainted at once quite
+away, and the timid green-toed button crane of
+Baraboo was in such a terrible flutter that in its
+excitement it snapped the slender gold chain that
+held it and flew into the sky, where it was soon lost to
+view. "Now I've done it," thought I, and, no doubt,
+should have run away had I been able to move, but I
+was so bruised that I was compelled to remain among
+the shattered remains of the table and tea things.
+Presently the maid came to, and then my aunt, and
+nothing could exceed her rage and grief at losing her
+valuable pet. They took me home between them and
+put me to bed, and the severest punishment they
+could devise was to take away from me my lovely<!-- Page 72 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span>
+collection of eggs. "Never," shrieked my wrathful
+aunt, "shall you have these again until you bring
+back to me my beautiful crane."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_103.jpg"><img src="images/i_103_tn.jpg" width="400" height="337" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">I ANGLE THE AIR</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'After a while I recovered, but no one dared to
+speak to me, and I moped about the house in solitary
+wretchedness without a single egg to contemplate.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 305px;">
+<a href="images/i_106.jpg"><img src="images/i_106_tn.jpg" width="305" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">I fell from my position</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'At last I could bear it no longer, and one night I
+left the house determined never to return again without
+the crane. I took with me an old perambulator,
+in which I had been wheeled about as a child, and<!-- Page 73 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span>
+in this I placed six of the delicious kernels of the
+Peruvian yap bean, besides a hatchet and other things
+which I thought might be useful on my journey. I
+slept in the forest and, on the following morning I cut
+down the straightest tree I could find for my purpose,
+trimmed it to a fine long pole, and on the very top of
+this I fastened a pin, bent to the form of a fish-hook,
+which I now baited with one of the yap kernels.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_108.jpg"><img src="images/i_108_tn.jpg" width="400" height="314" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">I ERECTED MY POLE ON THE SANDS</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'"If anything will attract the bird, this will," thought
+I, having fastened the foot of the pole to my perambulator.
+I now proceeded to angle the air for the<!-- Page 74 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span>
+lost crane. Carefully following the direction I had
+observed the bird to take when it broke away from its
+chain, I travelled for weeks and weeks, without seeing
+any sign of it. In time, without even a nibble, the
+first kernel was dissolved and worn away by the wind
+and rain, and, in like manner the same fate overcame
+the second, with which I baited my hook; then the
+third, then the fourth, and then the fifth.</p>
+
+<p>'Still keeping the same direction, by this time I
+had arrived at the very edge of the world, beyond
+which there is nothing but sea and sky. Believing
+that the poor creature had flown out over this lonely
+sea, and hoping that it might return when it realised
+that there was no land beyond, I determined to wait
+on the desolate shore.</p>
+
+<p>'I now erected my pole on the sands, after once
+more baiting my hook, this time with a piece of my
+last kernel, having taken the precaution of cutting it
+into six pieces. I now waited patiently, week after
+week, subsisting on the oysters, the starfish, and the
+edible crustaceans, that wandered tamely about the
+shore. Months now passed by, and, one by one, the
+five pieces of my last yap kernel had followed the
+other five kernels with which I had set out from home.
+I am not easily beaten, however, and though many
+months had passed by without my meeting with any
+success, I would not give in, but husbanded my last
+piece of bait with the greatest care. I cut a chip of
+wood from my angling pole, and shaped it in the form<!-- Page 75 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span>
+of a kernel of the Peruvian yap bean. This I rubbed
+well all over with the tiny piece of the real kernel that
+yet remained to me, until it assumed somewhat the
+colour of the original bean and, certainly, when applied
+to the tip of the tongue, it appeared to partake, though
+very slightly, it is true, of the original flavour, and with
+this I once more baited my hook.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_110.jpg"><img src="images/i_110_tn.jpg" width="400" height="186" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">ITS OLD STATELY SELF AGAIN</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'By this means I made my last piece of bean last for
+some years, for as soon as the artificial bean had lost
+its flavour, I rubbed it up again with the real one.
+But even this could not go on for ever, and, at last,
+the true piece was worn right away; so, to preserve
+what little flavour there yet remained of the true bean
+in the false bean, on which it had been so often rubbed,
+I soaked it for six days in a large shell of rain-water.
+In the meantime I cut another chip from my pole, and
+spent nearly six days in carving out another artificial<!-- Page 76 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span>
+kernel. Before baiting my hook with this, I dipped it
+into the fluid in which the old wooden kernel was still
+soaking, whence it received a very very faint suggestion
+of the original flavour, but so faint was this that it had
+to be redipped three times a day. This went on for
+some time, until the precious liquor began to run low,
+and I was compelled to dilute it still further, in the
+proportion of about five drops to a mussel-shellful of
+water, into which the wooden kernel was now dipped
+ten or twelve times a day.</p>
+
+<p>'Well, I had been at this game, I should say, getting
+on for twenty years, and now resolved to have done
+with it, after risking all on one throw. So I dropped
+my wooden kernel, all rotted and weather-beaten as it
+was, into what little there remained over of the pure
+liquor, this time without diluting it at all, and then let
+it stew all day in the sun.</p>
+
+<p>'In the evening the liquor was all evaporated, and
+the wooden bean seemed to the taste as though it
+possibly might have been in the vicinity of a real one
+some time before. On that evening, for the last time,
+I baited my hook and slept soundly at the foot of
+the pole.</p>
+
+<p>'I was awakened next morning by the wind that
+had arisen during the night, and a great wrenching
+noise, as it tore my poor old angling-pole from its
+place in the sand, and carried it out to sea.</p>
+
+<p>'"That settles it once and for all," thought I, much
+relieved, "and I'm off home," and I set about getting<!-- Page 77 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span>
+my things together. While I was thus engaged, it
+occurred to me that the old pole might be useful for
+fires, so I swam out for it. Already it had been blown
+some way out to sea, and, as the tide was against me,
+it was only with a very great exertion of strength that
+I gained at all upon it, and I was just about to give it
+up when I beheld, fastened to the bent pin at the end
+of the pole, the wretched crane. The sight lent me
+greater strength, and, after incredible exertions, I
+reached the pole almost exhausted. We were now
+too far from the shore to attempt to return, so I got
+astride the pole, and immediately proceeded to unfasten
+the unhappy fowl from my bent pin. At first I
+thought the poor thing dead, but I nursed it in my
+arms all through the ensuing night, and, on the following
+morning, happening to glance down its half-opened
+beak, I could just see that my wooden imitation of
+the kernel of the Peruvian yap bean had become
+lodged in its throat. This I at once removed, and, to
+my great joy, the dejected fowl almost immediately
+opened its eyes. Soon it became its old stately self
+again, though now I could see that the poor thing had
+aged very considerably since it left home.</p>
+
+<p>'Well, to cut a long story short, at length the gale
+ceased, and we landed safely on the shore, much nearer
+to our home, and, after many vicissitudes and adventures,
+of which I shall have great pleasure in telling
+you at another time, we eventually arrived at Glowmutton
+Castle.<!-- Page 78 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'To my grief I learnt that my good aunt, Galladia,
+had died many years before of old age, and that, true
+to her own good-nature, her last commands were that
+if ever I should return with her dearly-loved fowl, my
+collection of eggs was to be handed back to me, and
+in recompense for all my privations and exertions to
+recover the bird, I was to have the care of it and the
+comfort of its society as long as it lived. So, now you
+see why I am so pleased with myself.'</p>
+
+<p>The King and the whole army were charmed with
+the recital, and the long man, whose many noble
+qualities had already endeared him to them, was cordially
+invited to join the forces.</p>
+
+<p>'It's all one to me, my cronies,' said the good-natured
+creature, and they all trudged on.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 273px;">
+<a href="images/i_113.jpg"><img src="images/i_113_tn.jpg" width="273" height="400" alt="" title="TAILPIECE" /></a>
+
+</div>
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><!-- Page 79 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 297px;">
+<a href="images/i_114.jpg"><img src="images/i_114_tn.jpg" width="297" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE-PAGE [The Doctor]" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 80 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_115.jpg"><img src="images/i_115_tn.jpg" width="400" height="293" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a name="THE_DOCTOR" id="THE_DOCTOR"></a>THE DOCTOR</h2>
+
+
+<p>For many days they had now travelled without
+meeting with any adventure, when one evening
+they saw coming towards them a bright young
+lad, who was leading by the hand an exceedingly
+learned-looking old gentleman. Their appearance was
+such as to arouse the King's curiosity to such a degree
+that he asked the boy the time as he was passing, and
+then, when all stood still in the road, he led the talk
+from one thing to another until at last, emboldened
+by their friendliness, the King came to the point,<!-- Page 81 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span>
+and asked the lad who he was and whence he had
+come.</p>
+
+<p>The two strangers then sat down at the side of the
+road, and the lad thus addressed the King:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'You may not believe it, but I am the original
+Ptolemy Jenkinson, the only and well-beloved nephew
+of that great and celebrated doctor, Ebenezer Scrout,
+whom you now see at my side. When, a trembling
+orphan, I was thrown upon an unfeeling world, he
+alone of my numerous uncles, aunts, so-called friends
+and guardians, undertook to find me a comfortable
+and even luxurious home, and so to educate me
+that I might prove worthy of occupying the exalted
+position for which I am destined.</p>
+
+<p>'Uncle Ebenezer was my mother's brother and, a
+true Scrout, he inherited all his good qualities from
+my grandfather, Phelim Scrout, the well-known turfcutter,
+from whom, by the way, I inherit most
+of mine&mdash;but of these it does not become me to
+speak.</p>
+
+<p>'Many people, jealous perhaps of his great fame,
+have ridiculed my uncle's claim to be a member of
+this ancient family, but to set this matter for ever at
+rest, I have here copied a few notes from the Scroutean
+genealogical tree, preserved in the archives of the
+family.' Ptolemy Jenkinson here took from his pocket
+and handed to Bill a sheet of paper upon which
+the following notes were written in a clear bold
+hand:<!-- Page 82 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<h3>MISTS OF THE PAST</h3>
+
+<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"
+summary="Ptolomy Jenkinson's family tree">
+<tr>
+<td colspan="5">&nbsp;</td>
+<td colspan="2" class="tdr"><span class="smcap">Phelim Scrout</span> =</td>
+<td class="tdl">= <span class="smcap">Molly</span>?</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan="3">&nbsp;</td>
+<td colspan="3" class="tdr">(The well-known turfcutter)</td>
+<td class="liner">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="linel">&nbsp;</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan="4">&nbsp;</td>
+<td colspan="2" class="bline">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="brb">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="blb">&nbsp;</td>
+<td colspan="3" class="bline">&nbsp;</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan="3">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="liner">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="linel">&nbsp;</td>
+<td colspan="5">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="liner">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="linel">&nbsp;</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan="3">&nbsp;</td>
+<td colspan="2" class="tdr"><span class="smcap">Tod Scrout</span> =</td>
+<td colspan="2" class="tdl">= <span class="smcap">Mandy M'Guire</span></td>
+<td colspan="3">&nbsp;</td>
+<td colspan="2" rowspan="3" class="tdc"><span class="smcap">Pearl</span> (died of <br />megrims at an <br />early age)</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan="4">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="liner">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="linel">&nbsp;</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan="4">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="liner">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="linel">&nbsp;</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td>&nbsp;</td>
+<td colspan="3" class="bline">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="brb">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="blb">&nbsp;</td>
+<td colspan="5" class="bline">&nbsp;</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="liner" style="width:5%">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="linel" style="width:5%">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="liner" style="width:5%">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="linel" style="width:5%">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="liner" style="width:5%">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="linel" style="width:5%">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="liner" style="width:5%">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="linel" style="width:5%">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="liner" style="width:5%">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="linel" style="width:5%">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="liner" style="width:5%">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="linel" style="width:5%">&nbsp;</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan="2" class="tdc"><span class="smcap">Lu</span></td>
+<td colspan="2" class="tdc"><span class="smcap">Ebenezer</span></td>
+<td colspan="2" class="tdc"><span class="smcap">Mandy</span></td>
+<td colspan="2" class="tdc"><span class="smcap">Cassandra</span>=</td>
+<td colspan="2" class="tdc"><span class="smcap">Wat</span></td>
+<td colspan="2" class="tdc"><span class="smcap">Lil</span><br /></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan="6">&nbsp;</td>
+<td colspan="2" class="tdc"><span class="smcap">Tom Jenkinson</span></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan="6">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="liner">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="linel">&nbsp;</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td colspan="6">&nbsp;</td>
+<td colspan="2" class="tdc"><span class="smcap">Ptolemy</span></td>
+</tr>
+</table>
+
+<p>When these had been examined by the company,
+Ptolemy resumed his tale:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'Uncle Eb, as I very soon learned to call him, was
+ever the victim of his own generous heart. Continually
+adopting people, both old and young, he was doomed
+to be taken advantage of by those to whom he was
+most kind. How well can I remember, amongst many
+another ungrateful adopted son, uncle, aunt or cousin,
+young Sigurd, the birthday-monger, who entered the
+family about the same time as myself. It was he who
+secretly wrote his name on each page of Uncle Eb's
+birthday-book and received a present every day from
+the absent-minded old gentleman until he was discovered
+writing his name twice on some pages and
+was straightway disadopted.</p>
+
+<p><!-- Page 83 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 285px;">
+<a href="images/i_118.jpg"><img src="images/i_118_tn.jpg" width="285" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">FAR SOONER HAVE THE MUMPS</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Not alone to his own family circle was the doctor's<!-- Page 84 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span>
+kindness confined; it extended to all with whom he
+came in contact. Before sending in his bills he always
+provided his patients with enough money to pay them,
+and promptly returned the cash with the receipts,
+deducting only one penny for the stamp in each
+case.</p>
+
+<p>'Invariably most sympathetic with his suffering
+patients, he spent many years of his noble life in
+studying how to make his medicines as pleasant and
+sweet to the taste as the most delightful confections
+ever placed upon the Lord Mayor's table, while his
+greatest endeavour was always to make a period of
+sickness one also of pleasurable relaxation for his
+patients.</p>
+
+<p>'In time the children went mad with excitement,
+and jumped for very joy on learning that they had
+contracted measles, and would far sooner, any day,
+have the mumps than a birthday every week. And
+oh! what thrills of joy would pass through their little
+frames on learning that they would have to lie up for
+a bilious attack and be attended by the good-natured
+Doctor Ebenezer Scrout, and treated with his delicious
+jalaps and powders.</p>
+
+<p>'Unfortunately, however, so pleasant was the treatment,
+that the children in time were even tempted to
+make themselves ill on purpose, by eating as many
+jam puffs as they could buy with their Saturday monies,
+and soon nearly every child was down with a bad
+bilious attack, and all the schools had to be closed.<!-- Page 85 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'Even the grown-ups began to indulge in these
+jam puffs, buying them in large quantities and falling
+ill one by one, much preferring to be tucked up snugly
+in bed with a comfortable bilious attack and the good-natured
+doctor in attendance, to ordinary good health
+and hard work, with the many disappointments and
+trials of everyday life.</p>
+
+<p>'First the Lord Mayor was taken bad&mdash;then the
+leader of the town band and all his bandsmen. Now
+the shopmen began to feel queer, and one by one the
+aldermen toddled to their beds. In time everybody
+was laid up, and no one was left to do the work of the
+town. All the shops, theatres, markets, and railway
+stations were closed, and the streets quite deserted
+except for the doctor and the puff baker, each trying
+to undo the work of the other.</p>
+
+<p>'Hardly a sound could be heard in the streets
+except perhaps the clink of a spoon against a bottle
+from a room above, as some patient prepared his
+evening dose, or the shuffling footsteps of the old
+doctor as he went his daily round, and sometimes the
+loud rat-tat of the puff baker would awaken the echoes
+of the lonely streets as he called from door to door
+for orders in the morning.</p>
+
+<p>'Strange grasses and sweet-scented wild flowers
+began to grow in the streets, and mushrooms and
+straggling carrots forced a way between the crevices
+of the pavements. Sprays of wild spinach hung from
+the lamp-posts, and the market-place became one<!-- Page 86 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span>
+waving jungle of broccoli. The very sparrows, deprived
+of their daily crumbs, grew thin and nervy
+with the green diet they were compelled to subsist
+upon. Croaking and griding, instead of chirruping
+musically to their young as is their wont, they so
+affected the good-hearted doctor that he could never
+pass them without some cheering word, and never
+could he withstand the beseeching look in their eyes.
+Within doors the prospect was hardly more encouraging.
+Strong vegetable-marrows twined their
+branches and their many tendrils round the table legs
+and the chairs; great turnips stoutened and burst
+upon the stairs; spring onions bristled in the corners
+of the Lord Mayor's dining-hall, while his grand piano
+was completely hidden in the gorgeous festoons of
+mint that, unchecked, had run a ragged riot about the
+place.</p>
+
+<p><!-- Page 87 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 329px;">
+<a href="images/i_122.jpg"><img src="images/i_122_tn.jpg" width="329" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">THE PUFF BAKER</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'At last, after two months of sickness, and despite
+every attention and kindness on the part of the doctor,
+the patients began to weary of being ill and kept to
+their beds for so long. The Lord Mayor was the first
+to arise and, although very weak in the legs, he managed
+to crawl to the top of the stairs, and looking
+down, beheld, to his dismay, the dreadful state of ruin
+in which everything was involved. He called for his
+servants as loudly as his weakness would allow him,
+and, obtaining no reply, he scrambled down the stairs
+on his hands and knees, and clamoured shrilly for
+a cut from the joint. As, of course, there was no one
+to procure this for him nor, indeed, any joint from
+which to procure a cut, he boiled himself an egg, and
+was able to survey the scene more calmly.</p>
+
+<p><!-- Page 88 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_123.jpg"><img src="images/i_123_tn.jpg" width="400" height="170" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">TREATED WITH DELICIOUS JALAPS</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Presently the aldermen crawled down one by one,
+then the shopmen, then the bandsmen, and, finally,
+the rest of the inhabitants, disturbed by the weeping
+and yells of those already arisen, struggled downstairs,
+and in agony beheld the general devastation.</p>
+
+<p>'Resolved not to touch another drop of the doctor's
+medicine, they satisfied the cravings of their hunger,
+which now began to be felt, on the wild marrows, turnips,
+and mushrooms that everywhere abounded, and
+by degrees regained a little of their former vigour.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 303px;">
+<a href="images/i_126.jpg"><img src="images/i_126_tn.jpg" width="303" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">The Lord Mayor held a long council</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'The Lord Mayor and aldermen, already feeling
+a little more comfortable, held a long council, at which
+it was decided that it would be less expensive to burn
+the old town, and to build a new one on its site, than
+to try and clear up the old one. It was also decided<!-- Page 89 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span>
+to arrest the unfortunate doctor, whom they all now
+joined in accusing as the cause of their trouble, and
+bring him to trial.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_128.jpg"><img src="images/i_128_tn.jpg" width="400" height="185" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">AS SOME PATIENT PREPARED HIS DOSE</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'In the course of time the town was rebuilt, and
+the doctor was the first prisoner to stand on his trial
+at the new Town Hall.</p>
+
+<p>'On the appointed day the Hall was crammed to
+its utmost, as at one time the prisoner had been much
+loved and looked up to by his fellow-townsmen.</p>
+
+<p>'When the Lord Mayor arrived in state, between
+two Admirals of the Fleet, and took his seat, the foreman
+of the jury awakened his brother-jurors, who had
+been dozing off, and called for three cheers for the
+Lord Mayor, in which everybody joined. The Lord
+Mayor made no reply, except to frown severely at the
+foreman, and proceeded at once with the business in
+hand. "Lock all the doors and bring in the prisoner,"<!-- Page 90 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span>
+cried he in a loud voice, after clearing his throat. The
+doors were instantly locked, but some confusion arose
+when it was discovered that they could not bring in
+the prisoner unless one were unlocked again. On this
+being very politely pointed out to the Lord Mayor (who
+did not seem quite to like being corrected), he altered
+his order, and cried out: "Bring in the prisoner, and
+lock all the doors." Immediately the band struck up
+the most martial music and the prisoner was brought
+in, tied tightly with twine, sealed with red sealing-wax,
+and guarded by a squad of infantry, who at once
+formed fours, and marked time for the rest of the
+afternoon.</p>
+
+<p>'When the music had ceased, and the general
+excitement caused by the entrance of the prisoner had
+subsided, the Lord Mayor politely requested him to
+take a seat, which he very gladly did, on being untied
+by the policeman.</p>
+
+<p>'Now, as every one knew that the doctor had really
+been the cause of all the trouble, the only point to be
+decided at the trial was whether he had done it intentionally
+or not, and the Lord Mayor addressed him
+accordingly, asking him if he had anything to say upon
+the subject. The doctor happened to be thinking of
+something else at the moment and, moreover, had his
+head turned in another direction, watching a fly on
+the window of the hall, so that he did not hear the
+question. The Lord Mayor waited about a quarter
+of an hour for an answer, and receiving none, he<!-- Page 91 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span>
+called, in an annoyed tone, for the witnesses for the
+prosecution.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_130.jpg"><img src="images/i_130_tn.jpg" width="400" height="336" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">THE VERY SPARROWS GREW THIN</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'The principal witness for the prosecution was a
+Sicilian char-woman, whose evidence was translated by
+one of the many aldermen present to assist in case of
+need. It appeared that in her young days she had
+made the acquaintance of a young and handsome
+Sicilian waiter, a distant cousin, and a native of the
+village in which she was born. So friendly did they<!-- Page 92 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span>
+become in time that he had confided to her many of
+the secrets of his life, and, amongst others, one that
+had weighed very heavily upon his mind. Some time
+previously, when employed at a well-known refreshment
+hall, on the coast of Lombardy, he had waited
+upon a distinguished young gentleman of considerable
+means, and had overheard him whisper to a chance
+acquaintance, seated at the next table, that a friend of
+his, a tall dark man, had met a young lady at a whist-party,
+whose greatest friend had an aunt, formerly
+engaged to a well-meaning curate, who averred that
+his brother knew for certain that <span class="smcap">IT WAS DONE QUITE
+INTENTIONALLY BY</span> &mdash;&mdash; Here the waiter was called
+away to another client, and did not hear the rest of
+the sentence.</p>
+
+<p>'Now the Sicilian char-woman, on hearing this
+from her good friend, was much puzzled, and not
+knowing to whom the words might refer, made a
+mental note of it at the time. On reading of the
+arrest of the doctor, however, and of what he was
+accused, she concluded that there must be some
+connection between him and the man mentioned
+by the brother of the well-meaning curate formerly
+engaged to the aunt of the greatest friend of the
+young lady who was met at the whist party by the
+tall dark friend of the young gentleman of considerable
+means who, as you know, was waited upon by
+the Sicilian waiter at the well-known refreshment
+hall in Lombardy, so she had hastened from Sicily<!-- Page 93 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span>
+to tell her tale. At the conclusion of her evidence
+a murmur of admiration was heard all over the court,
+and the Lord Mayor was so charmed with her and
+the really pleasant way in which she had told her tale,
+that he lightly threw a half-crown to her across the
+hall, which she very neatly caught. She then sat
+down, amidst the cheers of the crowd.</p>
+
+<p>'The principal witness for the defence was a young
+journeyman tailor, who stated that on cleaning out
+the pockets of an old coat which had been left at his
+house for repairs by a dark gentleman of mysterious
+appearance, he had discovered an old envelope upon
+which he could just trace the figures 56&mdash;6.30 <span class="smcap">A.M.</span>
+The coat was never called for, and the tailor pondered
+over the envelope, but could make nothing of it. He
+showed it to every policeman of his acquaintance,
+but not one could unravel the mystery, and, as a last
+resource, he procured an introduction to the principal
+policeman in the British Museum Library. This great
+man examined the envelope very carefully, but with
+no result, and the only advice he could give him was
+to call at every house numbered 56 at 6.30 in the
+morning and see what would happen.</p>
+
+<p>'The tailor followed this advice diligently for some
+time and met with many rebuffs, as he had nothing to
+say on the door being opened to him. At length one
+morning he came to an empty house numbered 56,
+the steps of which were littered with straw. Gazing
+hopelessly at this for some time, he noticed that three<!-- Page 94 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span>
+pieces pointed distinctly in one direction to the
+corner of the street, and you may well imagine his
+surprise when, on following the direction indicated
+by the straw, he came across this postcard.'</p>
+
+<p>Ptolemy Jenkinson here handed this torn postcard
+to the company.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 337px;">
+<a href="images/i_133.jpg"><img src="images/i_133_tn.jpg" width="337" height="400" alt="" title="POSTCARD" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<p>Ptolemy again proceeded with his story:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'Now the tailor, more puzzled than ever, took the
+card home, and, after weeks of deep thinking, decided
+that the card must have been completed thus.'</p>
+
+<p>Ptolemy here handed the remaining portion of
+card, with the tailor's suggested completion, to the
+company.</p>
+
+<p>'You may guess the surprise of every one present
+when the tailor produced the completed card. The
+Lord Mayor gazed at it in astonishment. He turned
+it over and over, and suddenly noticing that there
+was a foreign stamp on the other side, he became
+more excited than ever, and asked if he might tear<!-- Page 95 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span>
+it off, as his son had rather a good collection. This
+the tailor readily allowed him to do, and this put the
+Lord Mayor in a good temper for the rest of the
+afternoon, and gave a more cheerful aspect to the
+case altogether.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_134.jpg"><img src="images/i_134_tn.jpg" width="400" height="216" alt="" title="POSTCARD" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<p>'After the tailor's evidence, which, of course,
+proved that the doctor had not intended to bring
+about the harm of which he had been the unfortunate
+cause, there was nothing for the Lord
+Mayor to do but to acquit the prisoner, which he
+did, much to everybody's relief.</p>
+
+<p>'The Lord Mayor then retired, after ordering a
+new suit of clothes from the journeyman tailor, and
+inviting the Sicilian charwoman and the other
+witnesses to progressive whist and to be introduced
+to his family.</p>
+
+<p>'So, Gentlemen,' said Ptolemy in conclusion, 'my
+uncle and myself are quite free at last, and entirely
+at your service.'<!-- Page 96 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Such a valuable offer could not very well be
+refused, so, after explaining the object of the expedition
+to their new friends, the whole force moved
+joyfully on.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_135.jpg"><img src="images/i_135_tn.jpg" width="400" height="282" alt="" title="TAILPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><!-- Page 97 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 295px;">
+<a href="images/i_136.jpg"><img src="images/i_136_tn.jpg" width="295" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE_PAGE [The Respectable Gentleman and the Boy Scout]" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<p><!-- Page 98 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_137.jpg"><img src="images/i_137_tn.jpg" width="400" height="335" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<h2>THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN<br />
+AND THE BOY SCOUT</h2>
+
+
+<p>In due time the gallant army arrived at the little
+town of Killgruel, a very respectable place
+indeed, at which they spent the pleasantest of
+week-ends, entertained at 'At Homes,' soirées, and
+receptions, to any number of which every member of
+the expedition was invited during their brief stay.
+Bill and the King were the guests of the very respectable
+and Right Honourable Hesketh Fitzgreynib, the
+Mayor of Killgruel, who entertained them with the
+extremest gentility imaginable. So respectable and<!-- Page 99 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span>
+genteel was their host, that it had been said of him
+that never had he been known to don the same suit
+twice, having at the very least a new one every day;
+nor had he ever been seen to remove his lavender
+gloves even at meal times. It was also reported that,
+not content with bowing most politely to every one he
+met in the street, he behaved in a like genteel manner
+to all the pillar-boxes and lamp-posts that he passed
+upon his way, and that he always walked sideways
+down the street with his back to the wall, in order
+that he should not be compelled to turn it upon the
+passers-by. Whether these reports are true or not,
+it is certain that he was the most gentlemanly gentleman
+in all Killgruel, a town which could boast more
+elegant and refined people than any other town in the
+whole world.</p>
+
+<p>He was indeed the pride of Killgruel, and so
+respected by his fellow-townsmen, who valued him
+greatly for his exceptional gentlemanliness, that he
+was not allowed to soil his hands by so much as a
+stroke of work, but only to be respectable from morning
+to night. An intelligent boy scout was employed to
+look after him, and even to think for him, with orders
+never on any account to leave him, so that in time
+this respectable gentleman became very respectable
+indeed, and relying for almost everything on the
+intelligence and affection of the boy scout, who now
+performed for him even his duties as Mayor of
+Killgruel, the good man was enabled to devote his<!-- Page 100 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span>
+whole thoughts to the cultivation of his respectability.</p>
+
+<p>His good wife, the Lady Lilian Leankettle, who
+was extravagantly devoted to her husband, shone in
+the same brilliant manner, and was quoted as a model
+of gentility by all the good wives of the little community,
+while Bildith, their charming and handsome
+daughter, gave every promise of inheriting their
+interesting ways.</p>
+
+<p>But delightful as all this was to the band of
+warriors, on Monday morning they were compelled to
+resume their journey. It was, however, so early when
+they were ready to start that the gates of the town
+were not unlocked, so the Honourable Hesketh, with
+whom, as Mayor of Killgruel, the keys were always
+left at night, allowed the scout to take the keys and
+let the wanderers out. After a charmingly polite
+farewell from the Right Honourable Hesketh and
+others of their entertainers who had gathered by the
+town hall to see them off, the gallant band marched
+down the high street towards the only gate of the
+town, headed by the intelligent boy scout. From the
+first the King showed symptoms of being rather unmanageable,
+and Bill had great difficulty in getting
+him past the shops, which were now all taking down
+their shutters, and when they arrived at the sweet-stuff
+shop there was nothing for it but to go in and
+buy him some cocoanut ice.</p>
+
+<p>At length they managed to get clear of the gates,<!-- Page 101 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span>
+which were then closed with a bang behind them, and
+the last they saw of the intelligent boy scout was with
+the great town keys held firmly between his teeth, in
+order that he might hold with one hand the top of
+the wall to which he had hastily climbed, while with
+the other he waved a fond good-bye to the departing
+wanderers.</p>
+
+<p>With a great gurgling cry, which all took to be
+one of grief at their departure, the affectionate lad
+suddenly disappeared and the brave fellows resumed
+their march.</p>
+
+<p>Their road now took them across the mountains at
+the foot of which nestled the little town of Killgruel.
+Towards evening the noble fellows were crossing the
+highest peaks of the range, weary, and looking forward
+to their supper and a good night's rest, both of which
+they proposed to take in the woods on the other side
+of the mountains. Every one now began to notice
+that the old King seemed worried about something or
+other, and the further they marched the more fidgety
+he became, until at last, when they had nearly descended
+to the woods on the other side, the old
+aggravator called his general to him and said:&mdash;'Bill,
+did you happen to notice in the window of the principal
+sweet-stuff shop in the Killgruel high street, three
+fine fat sticks of liquorice leaning against the bottle
+containing the pear drops? Well, I can't get them
+out of my mind.' Bill tried to persuade him to forget
+them, and talked of many other things, in order to<!-- Page 102 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span>
+distract him from such thoughts. Presently he
+appeared to grow easier, and as he did not for some
+time again refer to the liquorice sticks, Bill was
+pleased to think that he had been successful in directing
+the old boy's thoughts into another channel.
+However, as they were unpacking their things in the
+woods at which they had now arrived and were lighting
+fires, preparatory to cooking their suppers, the truly
+exasperating creature again called Bill to him. 'Bill,'
+said he, with the most miserable face in the world,
+'it's no good. I can't forget 'em, try as I will. I
+don't want any of that nasty porridge I know they
+are about to prepare for supper. I must have some
+of those liquorice sticks.'</p>
+
+<p>Hiding his annoyance as much as he could, Bill
+tried to convince him how nice porridge really is and
+how good for him, but the discontented old man, who
+no doubt had been very much spoilt as a boy, would
+hear nothing of it. 'I don't want to be done good to,'
+cried he, 'and if I don't have those liquorice sticks
+to-night before I go to bed I know I shall get the
+fidgets and not be able to sleep a wink.'</p>
+
+<p>Bill now pointed out the difficulty of obtaining the
+liquorice, the distance being so great that it would be
+impossible to have it brought to the camp before midnight
+at the very earliest.</p>
+
+<p>The King, however, was obdurate, and Bill was
+now compelled, much against his will, to summon
+the whole army together and call for a volunteer<!-- Page 103 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span>
+to fetch the liquorice, but not one, not even the
+pluckful Chad, would venture to return alone to
+Killgruel along the dreary mountain road in the
+gathering night. Bill then suggested that two or
+three should return together and keep each other
+company, but it was of no avail. At last, the only way
+out of the difficulty that occurred to Bill was for half
+the army to return for the liquorice, and the other
+half to remain in the woods; but here yet another
+difficulty arose, for no one would stay in the woods
+with the army weakened to that extent.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_142.jpg"><img src="images/i_142_tn.jpg" width="400" height="261" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">BOWING POLITELY TO THE PILLAR BOXES</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>At length Bill returned to the whimpering old
+potentate and once more endeavoured to dissuade<!-- Page 104 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span>
+him from his selfish purpose, but the more Bill talked,
+the more obstinate the old King became, and had it
+not been for the severe training Bill had had as a
+minder, he must assuredly have lost control of his
+temper.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_143.jpg"><img src="images/i_143_tn.jpg" width="400" height="170" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">THE CHURCH STEEPLE HAD BEEN REMOVED</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'I must have that liquorice,' whined the old
+grizzler, 'and if there is no other way of obtaining
+it the whole army must pack up sticks and return
+to Killgruel.'</p>
+
+<p>Many were the growls of discontent uttered by
+the poor fellows when Bill gave the necessary orders
+to pack up again and prepare to return over the
+mountains. Only by dint of the kindest words did
+he restrain a mutiny, encouraging them at the same
+time to humour the old baby and put up with his
+strange ways until he was restored to his throne,
+when, no doubt, he would make it up to them in
+many ways.<!-- Page 105 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>In a little time the brave fellows were all on the
+march again, but the day was breaking by the time
+they arrived once more before the walls of Killgruel,
+all utterly tired, grumpy, and footsore. Bill strode up
+to the gates of the town, which, of course, at that time
+of the morning were still closed, and pulled the bell
+vigorously. He waited some time, and as there was
+no reply, he pulled the bell again, and then, after
+another interval, he rang it with all his force, but with
+no result whatever. He could now, however, hear a
+great muttering on the other side of the wall and
+considerable running to and fro, so he determined to
+wait patiently. At length the little wicket in the
+gate was opened and one of the Killgruellers looked
+out, and, recognising Bill and his comrades, hastily
+shut the wicket again after promising to fetch the
+Mayor.</p>
+
+<p>Bill now waited a very long time before the
+wicket opened again, and in the meantime his poor
+comrades, nearly overcome with their fatigue and
+their hunger, had set up their camp before the
+walls and prepared their breakfast, after eating
+which not one of them was able to keep his eyes
+open a moment longer, and all fell fast asleep before
+their fires. Even the old King dozed off and snored
+peacefully in his tent, forgetting, for the first time
+in twenty-four hours, the sticks of liquorice, upon
+the enjoyment of which he had so much set his
+heart.<!-- Page 106 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 317px;">
+<a href="images/i_145.jpg"><img src="images/i_145_tn.jpg" width="317" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">STANDING ALONE UPON THE WALLS</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Bill alone of the whole force remained awake, and
+waited and waited, and as he stood before the gates
+of the little town, the noise within grew louder and
+louder until there was a terrific hub-bub within the
+walls. At last the wicket opened and the face of the
+respectable Mayor appeared in the little opening, but
+so altered that at first Bill hardly recognised his good<!-- Page 107 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span>
+host of the day before, so upset and disturbed did he
+seem.</p>
+
+<p>The poor man then in the most nervous manner
+explained that no one in the town had seen anything
+of the boy scout nor of the town keys since he had let
+the army out of the gate the previous morning, and
+until they found them it was, of course, impossible to
+let any one in. However, the good fellow (who
+certainly seemed rather helpless without his faithful
+attendant), besought Bill to wait patiently, as they
+had not yet given up hope of being able to open the
+gate. The wicket was again hurriedly closed, and
+Bill, sitting down by the gate, prepared to wait as
+patiently as he could. So tired, however, was the
+noble lad, that in spite of all his endeavours to remain
+awake he soon fell fast asleep. Long and deeply
+did he slumber, when he was awakened by a most
+terrible and deafening noise within the town, which
+had been growing greater and greater during his
+repose.</p>
+
+<p>Fortunately all in the camp, on account of their
+great fatigue, were so deep in sleep that the great
+uproar was unable to awaken them, but Bill at once
+stood up and scaled the walls to ascertain if possible
+the cause of the awful din.</p>
+
+<p>The hub-bub was truly deafening, and from his
+position on the walls Bill could see all over the little
+town, which was in a shocking state of confusion.
+The contents of every house were turned into the<!-- Page 108 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span>
+streets, and the distracted inhabitants everywhere
+hunting amongst the furniture and taking it to pieces
+in their search for the lost keys. Beds were cut open
+and discharged their feathers in great clouds that
+floated about the town; the church steeple had been
+removed and shaken, and the inside well scoured;
+many of the good people were descending chimneys
+attached to lines; pavements were lifted, cellars
+ransacked, the Town Hall taken to little pieces, old
+houses pulled down, pillar-boxes cleared out, and
+lamp-posts blown through by the perplexed and
+almost frantic Killgruellers in their efforts to find
+the lost keys. All the milk, the wine, the water,
+the lemonade and the gravy were being strained
+through butterfly nets or lawn tennis rackets, and,
+after melting it down, all the butter, dripping and
+lard was treated in the same way. The treacle tanks
+and great reservoirs of linseed tea were thoroughly
+dragged, but with no result whatever.</p>
+
+<p>A great procession of the townsmen nearly filled
+the high street which led from the gate to the further
+end of the town. One by one they approached the
+gates and tried every key they possessed. All kinds
+of keys, latch keys, watch keys, cupboard keys, box
+keys were tried, but not one could be found that
+would open the lock. To make matters even more
+unbearable, the respectable Mayor, to whom, of
+course, every one looked for direction and advice
+in their trouble, was of no earthly use whatever<!-- Page 109 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span>
+without his scout, upon whom he had so accustomed
+himself to rely, that he was perfectly helpless without
+him. His respectability, exert it as much as he would,
+made no difference of any kind upon the situation,
+except, perhaps, to place the poor man in everybody's
+way.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_148.jpg"><img src="images/i_148_tn.jpg" width="400" height="307" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">DANGLING BY HIS LEGS</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Bill returned to the King who, with the whole
+camp, was now wide awake, and wondering what on
+earth was taking place in the town. Bill at once
+hastened to explain the state of things, in the hope
+that the old man would at last give up all idea of the<!-- Page 110 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span>
+liquorice; but in this he was much mistaken, for,
+instead of replying to Bill, the grumpy old provoker
+turned sulky and would not say a word, so that there
+was nothing for the poor lad to do but to wait with
+what patience he could assume.</p>
+
+<p>The day declined, with no lessening of the terrific
+din within the town, and the gates remained obstinately
+closed. As evening approached, little clouds of smoke,
+with now and again a spurt of flame, could be seen
+rising from the other side of the walls. Presently a
+single Killgrueller was observed upon the walls, from
+which he nimbly leapt to the ground on the outer side,
+and made off round the base of the mountains, in an
+opposite direction to the camp. Now another appeared
+and disappeared in the same way; then another and
+another, and yet another, and then families of two,
+three, and four. At last whole crowds came scrambling
+over the walls, and vanished in the same direction,
+all carrying as many of their belongings as they could
+conveniently bring along with them.</p>
+
+<p>This went on until all the inhabitants, with the
+exception of the Mayor, had left the now blazing town,
+when he was seen standing alone upon the walls. Like
+the captain of a sinking ship, the noble fellow had
+waited until all had found safety before he sought it
+for himself. Bill hastened to assist him in his descent,
+and no sooner had the poor man reached the ground
+than Bill led him gently before the King and all the
+officers of the little army, who were assembled together
+watching the flames, and besought him to give them
+some explanation of these truly unaccountable proceedings
+of the Killgruellers.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<a href="images/i_152.jpg"><img src="images/i_152_tn.jpg" width="300" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">The Respectable Gentleman</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Alas! and alack-a-day!' sighed the unfortunate<!-- Page 111 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span>
+gentleman, 'allow me first of all to put four questions
+to you. Firstly, What is the good of a locked lock
+without a key?'</p>
+
+<p>They were all forced to admit that it was of no use
+whatever.</p>
+
+<p>'Secondly, What is the good of a gate with a useless
+lock that won't unlock?'</p>
+
+<p>No earthly use, all again admitted.</p>
+
+<p>'Thirdly, What is the use of a town if you can't
+get into it?'</p>
+
+<p>Of course, they all agreed there was only one answer
+to that.</p>
+
+<p>'And now, fourthly and lastly,' said the Mayor,
+'What do you do with all useless things?'</p>
+
+<p>'Destroy them,' Bill promptly rejoined.</p>
+
+<p>'Exactly,' said the Right Honourable Hesketh,
+'and that is what we have done with our now useless
+town, and all the inhabitants are hastening to build
+another town on the further side of the mountain, the
+gates of which shall always be nailed open in order
+that such a dreadful calamity may not occur again.'</p>
+
+<p>Bill somehow could not help thinking that there
+might have been another way out of the difficulty, but
+he did not like to say so. The old King at last realised
+that the Killgruel liquorice was not for him, so he<!-- Page 112 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span>
+offered no serious objections when Bill, early next
+morning, gave the necessary orders to pack up and
+prepare for the march, which they now resumed. The
+respectable gentleman preferred to remain with them
+rather than again face the unfortunate Killgruellers.</p>
+
+<p>They had not advanced very far upon their road,
+when Bill, who generally walked a little in advance of
+his troop, heard a strange clanking noise that appeared
+to proceed from a tall tree at the wayside. Wondering
+what odd bird possessed such an unmusical song, he
+allowed his gaze to wander thoughtfully among the
+leaves when, suddenly, what should he behold but the
+form of the vanished scout, dangling by his legs from
+a branch, and every time the tree was gently stirred
+by the breeze, there came forth upon the air this
+weird sound.</p>
+
+<p>Bill hastened to cut him down, but, to his unspeakable
+surprise, the unhappy young stripling cried,
+'Don't, don't! the keys! the keys!' He then explained
+that when bidding farewell to them the other morning
+from the walls of Killgruel, in his excitement he had
+suddenly fallen back and swallowed the keys which, at
+the time, he had been holding between his teeth. Bill
+now recalled the strange cry that the poor lad had
+uttered as they left Killgruel on that occasion. However,
+in spite of his reluctance to be right side up
+again until he had recovered the keys, Bill insisted
+on fetching him down, and, in the severe struggle that
+ensued, the keys fell out of the boy's throat.<!-- Page 113 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>When at length the army came upon the scene,
+nothing could exceed the joy of the respectable Mayor
+at beholding his good attendant, whom he had
+despaired of ever seeing again. He easily persuaded
+the willing young creature to remain with him, and
+share the fortunes of the King of Troy, and thus,
+with this very welcome addition to their forces,
+the gallant band marched on.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_156.jpg"><img src="images/i_156_tn.jpg" width="400" height="301" alt="" title="TAILPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 114 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 212px;">
+<a href="images/i_157.jpg"><img src="images/i_157_tn.jpg" width="212" height="400" alt="" title="VIGNETTE" /></a>
+</div>
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><!-- Page 115 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 301px;">
+<a href="images/i_158.jpg"><img src="images/i_158_tn.jpg" width="301" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE-PAGE [The Sicilian Char-Woman]" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<p><!-- Page 116 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_159.jpg"><img src="images/i_159_tn.jpg" width="400" height="265" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a name="THE_SICILIAN_CHAR-WOMAN" id="THE_SICILIAN_CHAR-WOMAN"></a>THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN</h2>
+
+
+<p>Some weeks after leaving Killgruel, the noble
+little band entered a great forest, in the middle
+of which they overtook a stately char-woman;
+and no sooner did the Doctor behold her than he left
+the ranks, and going up to her, shook her kindly by
+the hand. He then introduced her to the King as
+the Sicilian Char-woman, and very chatty and pleasant
+she proved to be, and as she was travelling in the
+same direction, she graciously entertained them with
+the story of her life:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'You may indeed find it more than difficult to<!-- Page 117 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span>
+believe me when I aver that I am the daughter of an
+Arabian Prince, and that in my early years I was considered
+not merely the most intelligent, but also the
+most beautiful and fascinating creature in my father's
+dominion. As companions in my early childhood I had
+sixteen elder sisters, all of whom were blessed with
+singularly affectionate natures, and were generally
+declared to be only less beautiful and intelligent than
+myself. No care or expense was spared in our education
+and in fitting us for the truly exalted position it
+was hoped that we should occupy, as the daughters of
+a distinguished Arabian Prince. With this good end
+in view, the services were secured of the best of music-masters,
+dancing-masters, and instructors in the many
+graceful accomplishments that were becoming to our
+rank; yet, alas! with all that one could reasonably
+ask for, with every whim and wish gratified almost
+before it was expressed, with the most indulgent of
+parents, whose sole joy was to fill our lives with
+happiness, a settled melancholy by degrees possessed
+my soul and rendered me unfit to share the youthful
+pleasures of my sisters. It was not that I was in any
+way unmindful of all the kindness shown to me in
+countless ways, but that a craving, always with me
+since my earliest days, to see the wonderful world
+I had so often heard described in glowing terms,
+grew with me as time went by, and, weary of the
+idle life I led, I longed to use and develop in wider
+fields the great intelligence I had been gifted with.<!-- Page 118 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'At first, as was to be expected, my parents would
+not hear of my leaving them, but seeing that
+I grew sadder and more discontented day by day,
+they at length reluctantly gave their consent, for,
+after all, what greater wish had they than for my
+happiness.</p>
+
+<p>'After many consultations with the wisest men in
+my father's court, it was decided that I should take a
+course of instruction at the Royal Charing College of
+Sicily, and, on the fateful day, I took leave of my
+sorrowing parents and sisters, and, in charge of the
+Grand Vizier, left for Sicily.</p>
+
+<p>'With such good introductions as my father was
+easily able to command, I had no difficulty in gaining
+an entry to the College, in which I very soon learnt
+to distinguish myself. No lack of enthusiasm and
+industry did I bring to my tasks, and a native ability
+far above the average soon found opportunities for
+development, so that in the course of time I was
+discharged, a fully certified and perfected char-woman.</p>
+
+<p>'Since those early days my skill, my virtues, and
+my affections have been devoted to the welfare of
+many families, some of whom were undoubtedly good,
+some indifferent, while some again were undoubtedly
+bad. But without any question the worst household
+of all was that of the Pettigrew Leanmuffins, when
+first I devoted myself to the wellbeing of its members.
+Afterwards, however, as you shall hear, their trials,<!-- Page 119 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span>
+together with my disinterested conduct, wrought a
+reformation in their natures as astounding as it was
+welcome to all who knew them.</p>
+
+<p>'Mr. Pettigrew Leanmuffins himself, a man of some
+attainments, though ill-tempered and close to a degree
+bordering on meanness, had little enough to do with
+me, hardly ever, indeed, disguising his efforts to ignore
+my very existence; but no words at my command
+could describe the ungenerous nature of Mrs. Leanmuffins,
+who not only refused to concede any little
+favours to me, such as gracefully offering to entertain
+my worthy friend the waiter and his respectable
+family, but even denied, with much asperity, my right
+to enjoy an afternoon nap on the drawing-room
+lounge.</p>
+
+<p>'Of no value, in her prejudiced eyes, were the
+hardly-earned diplomas that had been awarded me
+during my five years' course at the College, and though
+richly illuminated with gold, amethysts and pearls,
+and framed in gorgeously brocaded velvet, she would
+not hear of my certificates for charing being displayed
+on the walls of the music-room beside her daughters'
+certificates for musical proficiency. With such poor
+examples as their parents constantly before them, it is
+not to be wondered at that the three daughters,
+Grillette, Pandalaura, and Blen should discover to
+one, who would have been their good friend, natures
+so mean that there seemed little promise of their ever
+possessing more generous dispositions. Rather, the<!-- Page 120 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span>
+wonder is that they were not really worse than they
+were, and beyond the chance of any reformation.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_163.jpg"><img src="images/i_163_tn.jpg" width="400" height="293" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">I TOOK LEAVE OF MY SORROWING FATHER</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Each valued her own paltry and merely ornamental
+accomplishments at a far higher rate than my own
+well proved and certified skill in the serious art of
+charing, and in their own rude way they never missed
+an opportunity of reminding me of their fancied
+superiority.</p>
+
+<p>'During these early years of trial no other consolation
+had I than the society of the youngest of the
+Leanmuffin brood&mdash;Basil Herbert, one who as yet<!-- Page 121 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span>
+had not developed the mean disposition of his parents
+and sisters. For hours together, when the other
+Leanmuffins were away at some jaunt or frolic mayhap,
+would I, perhaps smarting under some recent indignity,
+pour forth my troubles into his not unwilling ears.
+Though but two years of age at the most, he seemed
+to understand, and I felt that in his own quiet way
+he gave me his sympathy. I therefore resolved in my
+young heart that he, at least, should not be spoilt,
+and to save him from falling to the depths of the
+other Leanmuffins was now my one hope in life.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_164.jpg"><img src="images/i_164_tn.jpg" width="400" height="300" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">HARDLY DISGUISING HIS EFFORTS TO IGNORE ME</span>
+</div><p><!-- Page 122 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'How often would I, in dumb show, act kind deeds
+before him in little scenes and plays that I had
+composed for the purpose, using the kitchen utensils
+to personify my various characters, thus accustoming
+his growing mind to kind thoughts, until in time he
+gave promise of becoming as virtuous as he was handsome.</p>
+
+<p>'He endeared himself to all by his amiable ways,
+though none suspected to whose loving and untiring
+care they were due, and friends, nay, even strangers
+from distant lands travelled to see him, and marvelled
+at his decorous and kindly behaviour, which charmed
+as well as astonished all beholders.</p>
+
+<p>'His virtues, however, strong as they were, did
+not render him immune to the weaknesses to which
+young children are liable, and in his fifth year he
+developed a chilblain of the most painful description.
+Every remedy was tried, dried turnip seed, applications
+of roasted capers, poultices of wild figs and nard,
+fomentations of honey and turbot's roe, and many
+other recipes for the curing of chilblains, recommended
+by anxious friends. Nevertheless the blain
+grew chillier and chillier until at last they were compelled
+to send for a physician.</p>
+
+<p>'The physician, after spending a whole afternoon
+examining the foot, eventually took the most serious
+view of the case imaginable, and hastily wrote out the
+following prescription, promising to call again in a
+few days:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 301px;">
+<a href="images/i_168.jpg"><img src="images/i_168_tn.jpg" width="301" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">Basil Herbert develops a chilblain</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><!-- Page 123 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span></p>
+
+<ul>
+<li>1 Pint New Gruel.</li>
+<li>1 gr. Tincture of Green Acorns.</li>
+<li>1/2 gr. Hypo.</li>
+<li>1/16 gr. Castor Sugar.</li>
+<li>3 Clove Kernels.</li>
+<li>1/2 lb. Coffee Essence.</li>
+<li>3/4 lb. Sugar of Zinc.</li>
+<li>2 gr. Bisulphite of Lead.</li>
+<li>1 Pint Spirits of Sulphur.</li>
+<li>5 gr. Bicarbonate of Saltpetre.</li>
+<li>1 oz. Table Salt.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<p>'Three drops to be mixed in a quart of lukewarm
+water and gently rubbed into the roots of the blain
+every five minutes, day and night, until its disappearance,
+which, if all went well, should take place in
+about six months' time.</p>
+
+<p>'I was sent out at once, without a "please" or
+"will you kindly" of course, to the nearest chemist
+to have the prescription made up. But, alas! he was
+unable to do it, as he had only three of the necessary
+ingredients in stock,&mdash;the bicarbonate of saltpetre,
+the table salt, and the hypo. I now went in turn to
+every chemist in the town, only to find that not one
+of them could supply me with <i>all</i> the necessary ingredients.
+One perhaps had the tincture of green
+acorns and the hypo, while another had all but the
+coffee essence and the clove kernels. Some again
+only had the spirits of sulphur and the sugar of zinc,
+and so on. Now, in my despair, I resolved to buy<!-- Page 124 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span>
+each separate ingredient at a different store and mix
+the prescription myself, but, alas! I was no nearer
+obtaining it, as no one could supply me with the
+clove kernels. Determined to succeed, I visited in
+succession every town in Sicily, but not a single clove
+kernel could I find from one end of the island to the
+other.</p>
+
+<p>'As I stood on the sea-shore at the edge of the
+island wondering what next I should do to complete
+the prescription, my thoughts flew across the sea to
+my home in Arabia, and I decided to return there at
+once in the hope of learning from my parents where I
+should be most likely to find the kernels.</p>
+
+<p>'With the other ingredients securely sewn into the
+lining of my skirt, I embarked for Arabia, and in due
+course arrived at my father's palace.</p>
+
+<p>'When my good parents recognised me, which they
+did only after some minutes of close scrutiny, for it was
+at least twenty-five years since I had left home, they
+extended to me the kindliest welcome, and by their
+affectionate conduct dispelled any restraint I might
+have felt after so long an absence. In the meanwhile
+each of my sixteen sisters had married a Sultan or
+Prince at the very least, and they were now reigning
+in truly regal splendour in different parts of the
+world, and my parents, being alone in their old age,
+begged of me to come and live with them and gladden
+their declining years. This, however, I soon convinced
+them I could not do, and besought their help<!-- Page 125 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span>
+and advice in my quest. The Prince, my father,
+manifested the greatest desire to assist me, and took
+a fatherly interest in my fortunes. He caused the
+palace to be ransacked from top to bottom, but with
+no success,&mdash;there was not a single clove kernel to be
+found in the place.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_172.jpg"><img src="images/i_172_tn.jpg" width="400" height="151" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">THEY WERE COMPELLED TO SEND FOR A PHYSICIAN</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'After an affectionate parting with my father and
+mother, I visited every one of my married sisters in
+turn, each of whom introduced me to her husband
+and friends with considerable pride, for you must
+know that already my fame as a char-woman of great
+ability had reached even to the most distant parts.
+One and all were equally felicitous in their expressions
+of delight at seeing me, and equally pressing
+in their invitations to me to take up my abode with
+them. Yet none were able to help me in the quest I
+had so much at heart.</p>
+
+<p>'At last I returned to Sicily without the clove
+kernels, and, too ashamed to appear before the Leanmuffins<!-- Page 126 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span>
+without the completed prescription, I wandered
+about the island in despair, resting at night in the
+caves of the mountains, satisfying the cravings of my
+hunger on the hard dry leaves of the cactus.</p>
+
+<p>'I now bethought me of my good friend the waiter
+and the willingness he had consistently evinced to help
+me when in trouble, and once more I embarked, this
+time for the shores of Lombardy, at which place I
+knew he had a comfortable situation. With very
+little difficulty I found the refreshment establishment
+at which he worked, and, as I anticipated, he was
+extremely pleased to meet me again, and manifested
+the liveliest joy at the prospect of being of some help
+to me. Together we studied the menu of the day
+very thoroughly, but could find no mention whatever
+of clove kernels, and then, idly looking through some
+menus of recent date, handsomely bound together
+for future reference, we discovered that clove kernels
+had been served as recently as the day before. It
+would be useless to attempt to describe the despair
+that took possession of me when I discovered that I
+had only missed them by one day. The waiter excitedly
+rushed down to the kitchen to see if any had
+been left over, but, alas! there was not a single clove
+kernel to be found in the larder or anywhere else.
+On leaving the refreshment rooms I shed the bitterest
+tears that had ever fallen from my usually joyful eyes,
+and on the rocks by the sea gave way to a mood of
+the greatest despondency.<!-- Page 127 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'More ashamed than ever to return to the
+Leanmuffins, I made several inquiries for any one
+requiring the services of an amicable, virtuous,
+and, at the same time, experienced char-woman,
+determined to find work in Lombardy if any were
+to be had.</p>
+
+<p>'Not receiving satisfactory replies to my inquiries,
+my good waiter, true to his kind nature, introduced
+me to one of his most regular customers, the Marquis
+of Lombardy, who had been looking out for some
+years for a capable char-woman to superintend the
+management of his domestic affairs. Meeting with
+the approval of the Marquis, I thus secured a comfortable
+home, and resolved to forget that I had ever
+lived in Sicily.</p>
+
+<p>'Now it happened that the Marquis, being a
+regular diner at the restaurant, had partaken of
+clove kernels on the last occasion they were served,
+and three or four must have fallen from his spoon
+into his waistcoat pocket at the time, for I overheard
+his valet repeat to the housemaid that he had found
+them therein when brushing his master's clothes, and
+that he had presented them to one of the boatmen's
+children. Learning the name of the child, not a
+moment did I lose in hunting for him high and low,
+and eventually discovered him playing idly on the
+sands with what, I was convinced, were the kernels
+I so much coveted. At last, thought I, they are
+within my reach, and running joyfully up to the light-hearted<!-- Page 128 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span>
+lad discovered, alas! that he was only playing
+with brass buttons.</p>
+
+<p>'After the first shock of my new disappointment
+had passed away, I questioned the lad as to how he
+had disposed of the clove kernels, and he told me
+that his father, who considered them excellent bait,
+had taken them from him and given him three brass
+buttons in exchange.</p>
+
+<p>'On asking him where his father was at the present
+moment, he pointed with his sunburnt hand to the
+horizon, and looking in the direction indicated, I
+perceived a little fishing-smack, miles away. Without
+the loss of a single second, I hired a boat, and, with
+a boatman to assist, rowed in pursuit, and after a
+chase of three or four hours drew up, in an exhausted
+condition, alongside the smack. I now in piteous
+tones begged the clove kernels of the weather-beaten
+mariner, but he only laughed loudly and bitterly in
+reply, and, on my inquiring the reason of his cruel
+mirth, told me in faltering accents that he had only
+just hauled in his lines to discover that the fish had
+gone off with the bait and hook as well. Thus doomed
+to disappointment, I spent the rest of the day in a
+state of mind bordering on madness.<!-- Page 129 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 342px;">
+<a href="images/i_176.jpg"><img src="images/i_176_tn.jpg" width="342" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">THE IMPROVEMENT WAS MAINTAINED</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'It was a little time after this that, one evening, I
+was sitting over the kitchen fire. The cook had just
+served up an excellent dish of fish, and my mind was
+still turning to Sicily in spite of my endeavours to
+forget that there was such a place, and wondering if
+ever I should see Basil Herbert again. Suddenly
+there was a most terrible disturbance overhead in
+the dining-room, a noise as of plates being thrown
+from one end of the room to the other, and presently
+wild shrieks and groans of pain. I ran lightly upstairs,
+always ready to be of use in emergencies of any kind,
+and opened the dining-room door just in time to see
+the Marquis raving most pitifully. It transpired that
+the very identical fish that had swallowed the hook<!-- Page 130 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span>
+and the clove kernels had been caught and served
+up to the Marquis's table, and he, poor man, had
+just swallowed the hook. Taking in the situation at
+a glance, I soon saw the probability that the three
+clove kernels, or one or two of them, were in the body
+of the fish, and walking boldly into the room I grasped
+the fish by the tail, and took to my heels.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_177.jpg"><img src="images/i_177_tn.jpg" width="400" height="179" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">DISCOVERED A CLOVE KERNEL</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'For miles I ran, out of the town and into the
+country without stopping, until, quite exhausted and
+out of breath, I sat down beneath a rock to rest. I
+now examined the fish which I still held in my hand,
+and found only two of the kernels in its body, the
+Marquis having probably swallowed the third.</p>
+
+<p>'However, although not the complete number
+required by the prescription, they were better than
+no clove kernels at all, so after resting awhile I resolved
+to return once more to Sicily.</p>
+
+<p>'After some vicissitudes I arrived at last at the<!-- Page 131 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span>
+home of the Leanmuffins to find them all in despair.
+Basil Herbert's condition had not improved, and the
+physician had ceased his visits and gone in search of
+me. I soon mixed the stuff, which brought some
+little relief to the unhappy young patient&mdash;but not
+enough, as the lotion was not sufficiently strong
+without the third clove kernel.</p>
+
+<p>'We persevered, however, and the improvement
+was just maintained. At last one evening when all
+the members of the family were gathered round the
+sufferer's bed endeavouring to distract him by every
+manner of entertainment conceivable and by cheerful
+songs, glees, and the telling of interesting stories, there
+came a low knock at the door and somebody inquiring
+for me. Who should it be but my faithful friend the
+waiter, who, on sweeping the floor of the Lombardic
+refreshment room, had discovered a little clove kernel
+in the corner, and, mad with delight at being able to
+assist me, had hastened from Lombardy to bring me
+the treasure. Small though it was, it was enough to
+give the requisite strength to the lotion, and in due
+course the young patient completely recovered.</p>
+
+<p>'After their severe trials the Leanmuffins were
+completely transformed; from being ignoble, mean,
+and unkind, they became generous in the extreme.
+Their joy knew no bounds, and henceforth they made
+me quite one of their family, and my friend the waiter
+and his good people were asked to dine with us every
+Sunday that they were in Sicily.<!-- Page 132 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 202px;">
+<a href="images/i_179.jpg"><img src="images/i_179_tn.jpg" width="202" height="400" alt="" title="VIGNETTE" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 133 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 299px;">
+<a href="images/i_180.jpg"><img src="images/i_180_tn.jpg" width="299" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE-PAGE [The Interval]" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 134 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_181.jpg"><img src="images/i_181_tn.jpg" width="400" height="382" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+
+<h2>'THE INTERVAL'</h2>
+
+<p>When the Sicilian Char-woman had finished
+the narration of her truly wonderful experiences,
+and while the army were yet
+applauding her, the King stepped down from his chair,
+and taking the good woman by the hand, explained to
+her the object of their great expedition. 'And now,'
+said the astute old monarch in conclusion, 'powerful<!-- Page 135 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span>
+as we undoubtedly are, and as you can see for yourself
+that we are, we have yet one weakness, and that weakness
+is, that we cannot boast of a single char-woman of
+any description within our ranks. It has occurred to
+us, in listening to your story, that if you are able, as I
+have no doubt you will be, to obtain a good character
+from your last place, that we shall be delighted to
+engage you as an assistant to the amiable Boadicea in
+her attendance upon my person.'</p>
+
+<p>'Fiddlesticks,' snapped the abrupt woman, 'look
+after your person indeed! Look after it yourself,' and
+the strange creature walked off. Unwilling to lose
+such a treasure, the King called after her, and explained
+that if he had offended her it was quite unintentionally,
+and offered her any post she would like
+to fill, of course providing that it had not already been
+filled, in his army.</p>
+
+<p>'Now you are talking reasonably,' replied the
+quickly mollified creature. 'Well, as you are so very
+kind, I don't mind being the flag-bearer.'</p>
+
+<p>'But I am really afraid we have no flag,' objected
+the King.</p>
+
+<p>'Oh, we'll soon settle that little difficulty,' replied
+the woman. And she at once removed her apron
+and snatching from the astonished Scout the staff he
+usually carried with him, she tied the apron thereto
+by its two strings and waved it proudly in the air
+three or four times, at each time jumping as high as
+she could.<!-- Page 136 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Every one cheered in their delight at the readiness
+of the good woman, and congratulated each other
+cordially on this interesting addition to their forces.</p>
+
+<p>The King now stood up in his chair, and after
+quieting the general excitement by ringing his bell,
+he thus addressed his troops:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'My dear old boys and girls, although, no doubt, I
+appear to you a very fine man indeed, with a good
+appetite and fairly well covered for my time of life,
+I am not quite the man I should be. You must know
+that in my early babyhood I was a victim to the
+wicked carelessness of the royal cook. One morning
+this thoughtless creature left an unboiled parsnip on
+the garden path (had it been boiled and soft, my fate
+had been different perhaps) while chatting with a
+friend at the tradesmen's entrance. As ill luck would
+have it, I was at the time playing on the palace roof,
+to which I had climbed through the nursery chimney,
+and, childlike, was gazing curiously at a strange bird
+flying overhead, when I overbalanced and fell from
+the roof right on to the parsnip on the garden path,
+which, as you will guess, hurt me very severely indeed.'</p>
+
+<p>The King here exhibited to his audience a dent on
+his head in the form of a parsnip.</p>
+
+<p>'On hearing of this my father, of course, was highly
+indignant, and ordered the cook to be beheaded instantly,
+or, at all events, as soon as she had finished
+cooking the dinner.</p>
+
+<p>'The dinner, however, was so excellent that my<!-- Page 137 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span>
+father, in his enjoyment of it, forgot all about my
+mishap, and the cook went unpunished. Nevertheless
+the shock to my system was so great that, feeling it
+even to this day, as I have said, I am not the man I
+should be. A trifle irritable now and again; or more
+sulky and disagreeable than I care to admit; or at
+times even harsh, morose, surly, snappish, rattish, and
+short-tempered, all little failings you have no doubt
+noticed, and which now, knowing my early misfortune,
+you will more readily excuse.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_184.jpg"><img src="images/i_184_tn.jpg" width="400" height="171" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">I FELL ON TO THE PARSNIP</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Well,' continued the King, 'you will at least
+understand that a little rest is good for me now and
+again, so that, as we have already travelled half the
+distance to my kingdom, I intend to give you all a
+whole holiday to-morrow, and on the day following,
+which happens to be my birthday, I will celebrate the
+great occasion with a grand review, after which we
+shall once more resume our long journey.'<!-- Page 138 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>This welcome announcement was received with
+the greatest enthusiasm by the brave fellows, and
+loud cheers echoed again and again through the
+forest, and a great feast was at once prepared.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_185.jpg"><img src="images/i_185_tn.jpg" width="400" height="331" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">THEY ALL ONCE MORE STARTED</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><!-- Page 139 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_186.jpg"><img src="images/i_186_tn.jpg" width="400" height="332" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">ON THEIR ADVENTUROUS JOURNEY</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Seated in a circle on the grass beneath the trees,
+the good souls enjoyed to the full the simple fare
+before them, and then, after once more cheering the
+old monarch, retired to their tents to sleep, and to
+dream of the morrow in store for them.</p>
+
+<p>Next morning, with the exception of the old King,
+who intended to rest and remain in bed all day, every
+one was up betimes. After a hearty meal, Bill explained
+to them all the dangers of the great forest,
+and the necessity of returning to camp at dusk.
+Then, taking care not to disturb the King, they
+all left the camp, different parties taking different
+directions, seeking amusement wherever they could
+find it.</p>
+
+<p>Bill took care of his charges, who had the greatest
+sport in the world,&mdash;tree-climbing, nutting, chasing<!-- Page 140 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span>
+butterflies, fishing in the pools, playing at Wild
+Indians, Hunt-the-Stag, Robbers and Thieves, Poor
+Jenny is a-weeping, Red Rover, and every really
+sensible game that there is to play, while Boadicea
+spent the time very happily in making beautiful
+bunches of wild flowers.</p>
+
+<p>Chad, however, was a bit of a nuisance, crying all
+the morning because he was not allowed to eat toadstools;
+so to keep him out of mischief, Bill tied him to
+the highest branch of a very tall tree, and there left
+him to have his cry out.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 283px;">
+<a href="images/i_190.jpg"><img src="images/i_190_tn.jpg" width="283" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">And left him to have his cry out</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The Long Man took Ptolemy Jenkinson in hand,
+and taught him how to bird-nest, at the same time
+adding to his own valuable collection of eggs. The
+Ancient Mariner made a swing for the Absent-minded
+Indian, and wondered, while he was swinging him to
+and fro, whether he enjoyed it or not, for the thoughtful
+creature's face still gave no sign at all of what was
+taking place in his mind, supposing he had one. The
+Doctor spent the day upside down, with his feet
+supported against the trunk of a tree and his nose
+on the ground, while he studied the habits of the
+stag-beetle. The Boy Scout practised scouting by continually
+losing his patron and then finding him again,
+while the Respectable Gentleman himself kept his
+respectability in hand by behaving most politely to
+all the trees of the forest,&mdash;raising his hat to the
+silver-birches, leaving his card on the ash-trees, introducing
+a hornbeam to a blackthorn, apologising to
+the thistles for treading on their lower leaves, and, in
+fact, behaving like the perfect gentleman he was, and
+having a really enjoyable day.</p>
+
+<p>The Triplets played hide-and-seek, and the Sicilian<!-- Page 141 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span>
+Char-woman set to and dusted and scrubbed down a
+good number of the forest trees, and spent the rest of
+the day in endeavouring to clear up the last year's
+leaves that everywhere littered the grass.</p>
+
+<p>It was quite late in the evening when all returned
+to camp, quite tired out, and after supper each crept
+quietly to bed without awakening the King, and soon
+the whole camp was fast asleep.</p>
+
+<p><!-- Page 142 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_193.jpg"><img src="images/i_193_tn.jpg" width="400" height="292" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">THE WHOLE CAMP WAS FAST ASLEEP</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>In the morning every one awoke in the best of
+spirits, and brimful of the many things they had to
+tell of the happy time they had spent the day before.
+The old monarch seemed much refreshed for his long
+rest, and before sitting down to breakfast every one
+in turn went up to him and shook the happy old boy
+by the hand, wishing him many happy returns, after
+which they all sat down and enjoyed a substantial
+breakfast. Before the repast was quite finished, and
+while the King was looking the other way, Bill walked
+round the ring formed by the army as they sat upon
+the grass, and collected birthday presents for the old
+monarch. Every one was delighted to give something
+to His Majesty to show how much they appreciated
+his greatness, and when the old chap received the
+many gifts, all done up in one brown paper parcel, he
+was so overcome that he could hardly stammer forth
+his thanks. And this is what he found in the parcel
+when, with trembling hands, he had succeeded in
+opening it:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="center">
+<table summary="Contents of His Majesty's parcel.">
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From Bill,</td>                       <td align="left">A bone-handled, two-bladed
+                                   pocket-knife, a little rusted,
+                                   but with only one blade
+                                   missing.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From Noah,</td>                       <td align="left">Some string.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From Ratchett,</td>                   <td align="left">8 brace buttons (very bright).</td></tr>
+<tr><td rowspan="2" align="left">From the Twins&nbsp;<span style="font-size:250%">{</span></td>
+<td align="left">Quentin,</td>         <td align="left">Wooden top of peg-top.</td></tr>
+<tr>               <td align="left">Hannibal,</td>        <td align="left">Iron peg of same.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From Randall,</td>                    <td align="left">Ferrule of umbrella.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From Nero, </td>                      <td align="left">More string.
+<!-- Page 143 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span></td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From Biddulph,</td>                   <td align="left">Dial of old watch (not cracked
+                                   very much).</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From Knut,</td>                       <td align="left">Glass marble (beautifully
+                                   coloured).</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From Chad,</td>                       <td align="left">2 pear drops (old, but in good
+                                   condition).</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From the other children
+  collectively,</td>                  <td align="left">Twenty last year's horse
+                                   chestnuts on string (very
+                                   hard).</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From the Ancient Mariner,</td>        <td align="left">Piece of wood skilfully cut
+                                   into the form of a pebble.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From the Absent-Minded
+  Indian,</td>                        <td align="left">Nothing.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From the Triplets,</td>               <td align="left">3 bunches of violets.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From the Respectable Gentleman,</td>  <td align="left">His visiting-card.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From the Boy Scout,</td>              <td align="left">One of the Killgruel town-keys
+                                   he had swallowed.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From the Sicilian Char-woman,</td>    <td align="left">Small piece of soap.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From the Long Man,</td>               <td align="left">Wren's egg.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From Boadicea,</td>                   <td align="left">A hat full of ripe blackberries.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From the Doctor,</td>                 <td align="left">Half of cough lozenge.</td></tr>
+<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">From Ptolemy Jenkinson,</td>          <td align="left">A last year's ticket for a box.</td></tr>
+</table>
+</div>
+
+<p>Every one clamoured for a speech, but the old
+fellow was so affected by all this unexpected kindness,
+that he would not trust himself to open his mouth, so
+with tears of gratitude pouring from his eyes, he
+retired to his chair. These interesting proceedings
+thus coming to an end, he was wheeled into the forest
+by Boadicea until they came to the open space where
+the review was to take place.<!-- Page 144 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Having dried his eyes and smartened himself up,
+with Boadicea standing sedately at his side holding
+the presents, the King now solemnly awaited the
+appearance of the troops. Soon there was a great
+noise in the direction of the camp, and then they
+could be heard approaching.</p>
+
+<p>First came the nine brave sons of Crispin and
+Chloe, proudly marching three by three, and as they
+passed the King each gallantly saluted him. Now
+followed the stately Char-woman with the flag held
+aloft, and when she came opposite His Majesty she
+jumped magnificently three times into the air. She was
+followed by more of Bill's charges, and then, with
+great dignity, Bill, the King's general, marched past
+the Royal Old Boy and saluted him grandly.</p>
+
+<p>Another detachment of Bill's charges followed the
+general, then the Ancient Mariner approached, and,
+after placing the Absent-minded Indian on the ground,
+he, with much dignity, saluted the King by touching
+his forelock, sailor fashion, and after a few steps of
+the hornpipe, once more resumed his burden and
+moved on. The Ancient Mariner was followed by the
+Long Man who winked knowingly at the King as he
+passed by. Ptolemy Jenkinson came next, then the
+Doctor, who, not knowing quite what was expected
+of him, proceeded to feel the King's pulse, but was
+quickly hustled off by the Scout, who now approached.</p>
+
+<p>The Respectable Gentleman followed the Boy
+Scout, and raised his hat in a very gentlemanly<!-- Page 145 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span>
+manner to the King as he passed him and politely
+handed him one of his cards, upon which he had
+scribbled a few good wishes to the old monarch.</p>
+
+<p>Now, one by one, the Triplets passed in front of
+the delighted King, before whom each of the sweet
+creatures performed the most graceful curtsy, and
+the procession then terminated with another detachment
+of Bill's charges.</p>
+
+<p>The King was more than satisfied, and they all
+once more started on their adventurous journey.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 172px;">
+<a href="images/i_196.jpg"><img src="images/i_196_tn.jpg" width="172" height="300" alt="" title="TAILPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 146 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 226px;">
+<a href="images/i_197.jpg"><img src="images/i_197_tn.jpg" width="226" height="400" alt="" title="VIGNETTE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><!-- Page 147 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 299px;">
+<a href="images/i_198.jpg"><img src="images/i_198_tn.jpg" width="299" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE_PAGE [The Real Soldier]" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 148 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_199.jpg"><img src="images/i_199_tn.jpg" width="400" height="357" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+
+<h2><a name="THE_REAL_SOLDIER" id="THE_REAL_SOLDIER"></a>THE REAL SOLDIER</h2>
+
+
+<p>After travelling some days, they came across
+a real soldier seated at the side of the road,
+and Bill at once persuaded the King to
+invite so valuable a man to join their expedition. The
+King therefore left his chariot and approached him,
+and asked the noble-looking fellow if he would care to
+make one of their party, and, if so, whether he had
+a good character from his last general, and the old
+warrior replied:<!-- Page 149 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'Allow me, my good sirs, to recite to you one of
+my most noteworthy achievements, one of which,
+peradventure, you may not have read in the numerous
+books filled with accounts of my exploits. I shall
+thus remove any trace of doubt that may linger in
+your minds as to my great courage and astute
+generalship.'</p>
+
+<p>All expressing their eagerness to hear the story,
+the wordful old warrior proceeded:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'As near as I can remember, it was in the early
+fifties when, a mere drummer-boy, with the bloom of
+early boyhood still gracing my brave young cheek,
+I marched with the gallant 53rd or, as you may
+possibly know them, the King's Own Royal Roebucks,
+to the relief of the Isle of Wight. This island, at the
+time I mention, was blockaded by that notorious
+filibuster, Reginald Bendbrisket, a rogue who, possessed
+of the greatest audacity and cunning, had
+earned for himself an unenviable reputation, from
+Margate to Samoa, by the terrible extent of his
+depredations.</p>
+
+<p>'You will all doubtless remember how, disappointed
+in his endeavours to usurp the throne of Pitcairn
+Island, he had impudently resolved to make a sudden
+raid upon the Isle of Wight; and thus to feed his
+own insatiable greed and, at the same time, appease
+the disappointed rage of his desperate followers, he
+would have plunged the peaceful little island into
+abject misery. What tempted him thereto none<!-- Page 150 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span>
+can guess with any certainty, unless indeed it were
+the many false reports, spread abroad by the unscrupulous,
+of the gold, silver, and diamonds to be
+found there; of the extensive quarries, rich in the
+finest hearthstone; and of the natural paraffin springs,
+that could provide the world with the purest oil; and
+many other reports, alike false and discreditable to
+their inventor and to those who repeated them to the
+credulous stranger.</p>
+
+<p>'Had the rogue been successful in his latest raid,
+his small band of followers (mayhap increased to a
+powerful army by the hordes of discontented periwinkle-gatherers,
+prawners, and lobster-potterers that earn
+a scanty living on our shores) would, without doubt,
+have had at their mercy the Isle of Sheppey and the
+numerous other Islets that ornament our coasts. And
+then, from these a sudden and successful descent on
+Ludgate Hill would have rendered him master of the
+whole of London. Now I am going to tell you how
+the courage and forethought of a simple drummer-boy
+frustrated all his schemes, and brought to his
+knees one of the most unscrupulous enemies that
+has ever invaded our shores.</p>
+
+<p>'To come back to the beginning of my story, we
+had a comfortable journey down, the tedium of which
+had been greatly relieved by delightful conversation
+and intellectual chatting, each in his turn considerably
+astounding the others by the amount of
+intelligence he displayed. These pursuits were again<!-- Page 151 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span>
+varied by interesting recitations, and such parlour-games
+as could be conveniently played in a railway
+carriage. We arrived in the afternoon at a snug little
+hamlet on the coast opposite the island, whence we
+embarked in a fleet of disused barges and dredgers.
+We reached our destination, after a fairly calm
+voyage, without having excited the curiosity of the
+invaders, only one of whose vessels we passed, and
+all on board it were so engrossed with the captain,
+who was violently sea-sick, that we passed unobserved.</p>
+
+<p>'We were 2,352 strong, including the gallant 53rd,
+of which I was a member, a battery of artillery, a
+camel corps, two squadrons of the smartest cavalry
+that ever chased a rabbit across the Hackney Marshes,
+and a battalion of infantry, so well trained that there
+was not one of the rank and file who could not play
+quite delightfully on the piano; while the officers were
+unexcelled at conjuring tricks, with which they used
+to amuse the soldiers seated round the camp-fires of
+an evening. We were ably generalled by that best
+of all officers, Sir Francis Melville Glowmutton,
+whose fame in after years very nearly earned for
+him the honour of being mentioned in a popular
+Encyclopædia.</p>
+
+<p>'We were met on the beach by a procession of the
+inhabitants, headed by the president of the island, all
+of whom were delighted to see us, and extended to us
+the most hospitable of welcomes. Without waiting<!-- Page 152 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span>
+for formal introductions, they fraternised in the most
+friendly spirit with the troops who, in turn, were
+charmed with their reception and, being quite beyond
+themselves with gratification, adorned their conversation
+with the most graceful compliments to the inhabitants
+and grateful tributes to their kindness.</p>
+
+<p>'The blockade had lasted barely eight weeks, so that,
+as yet, the inhabitants of the island were not aware of
+it, and when they learnt from the soldiers the real
+state of affairs, they rejoiced beyond measure, and
+redoubled their congratulations to the army and to
+each other, and the president seized the very first
+opportunity publicly to thank the general for his
+thoughtfulness in coming to relieve them.</p>
+
+<p>'For quite a long time the handshaking went on,
+and every one was so amiably excited that the president,
+anxious that so much good feeling should not be
+thrown away, invited every one to spend the evening
+with him at his presidency on the Needles.</p>
+
+<p>'And such a bright and happy evening it was too!
+Every one in the best of spirits, and entering blithely
+into all the games! "Oranges and Lemons," "Nuts
+and May," and "Poor Jenny is a-weeping," had
+never, within the memory of any one present, been
+played with greater zest, and, what was more
+wonderful, never had the rather trying game of
+"Hunt the Slipper" provoked less ill-temper since
+it was first introduced into this country at the Norman
+Conquest.<!-- Page 153 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 265px;">
+<a href="images/i_204.jpg"><img src="images/i_204_tn.jpg" width="265" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">THE REAL SOLDIER</span>
+</div><p><!-- Page 154 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'The joy of the frolicsome ones was only equalled
+by that of the older inhabitants and the elderly officers,
+who, seated on chairs placed for them round the
+wails of the hall, fairly shook with laughter and merriment,
+until the tears rolled down their handsome
+old cheeks.</p>
+
+<p>'At last, with flushed and happy faces, all sat down
+to a splendid cold supper provided by the President,
+but it was some little time before the feast could
+proceed, as every one was so well-behaved that there
+was quite a turmoil of passing things to one another.
+At last, however, every one was served, and the supper
+proceeded with the greatest mirth on all sides.</p>
+
+<p>'After a while the president stood up to make a
+speech, and had only got as far as, "Ladies and
+Gentlemen, it is not that we&mdash;&mdash;" when, to everybody's
+consternation, there was a loud knock at the
+door and, without waiting to be asked, in stalked the
+notorious Reginald himself.</p>
+
+<p>'Having approached the table, he slowly withdrew
+his gaze from the refreshments (to which it had
+wandered on his entry), and, drawing himself to his
+greatest height, demanded of the president the instant
+surrender of the island to him as his rightful property,
+averring that it had been left to him by an aunt, whose
+favourite he had been. Then, putting his hand to his
+bosom, he drew thence an old roll of parchment which,
+indeed, proved to be the Will of one Martha Grub.
+This he handed to the president, who read aloud<!-- Page 155 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span>
+therefrom the following clause, which had been underlined:&mdash;</p>
+
+<blockquote><p>'And I do bequeath unto my good sister's son, the
+shapely Reginald Bendbrisket, inasmuch as he has
+shown some kindness unto my black cat, now dead
+alas! twenty jars of the good plum preserve I did
+make last fall as well as five yards of the good garden
+hose wherewith I did heretowhile water my cabbages
+in the droughty seasons, the rest to be cut up and
+divided equally amongst my other nephews and nieces
+to be used by them as they may see fit whatsoever.</p>
+
+<p>'At their demise the said pieces shall be delivered
+up to the said Reginald, who will once more unite the
+fragments and pass the completed hose on to his
+heirs for ever.</p>
+
+<p>'For his goodness in undertaking thus to carry out
+my wishes I do also bequeath unto the before-mentioned
+Reginald the Island of Wight situate at
+the south coast of England.</p></blockquote>
+
+<p>'On reading this the president turned very pale
+and every one trembled, never having dreamt of the
+strength of the invader's position. But being a bit
+of a lawyer, the president very soon rallied and replied
+to the filibuster, in as courtly a manner as he could
+assume, that he was bound to admit that his aunt
+Martha had, without doubt, left the island to him, and
+that he would be the last man to dispute the fact&mdash;here
+the rogue, vainly imagining that he was about to realise
+his greatest hopes, could not conceal his satisfaction,<!-- Page 156 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span>
+and helped himself to a sandwich&mdash;"But hold!" cried
+the president in a terrible voice, "I do dispute that it
+was hers to leave."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_207.jpg"><img src="images/i_207_tn.jpg" width="400" height="283" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">&#39;BUT HOLD!&#39; CRIED THE PRESIDENT</span>
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 301px;">
+<a href="images/i_210.jpg"><img src="images/i_210_tn.jpg" width="301" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">Reginald completely lost his temper</span>
+</div>
+
+
+
+<p>'At this the irascible Reginald completely lost his
+temper and hurled the sandwich with such fury to the
+ground that it broke one of the gorgeous tiles that
+ornamented the floor. "Have you," said he, "the
+audacity to doubt the word of my aunt Martha? Have
+you the face to stand there and dispute the will of
+that excellent woman, written when dying of a broken
+heart at the death of her black cat, and whose only
+solace was the company of her dutiful nephew? Then<!-- Page 157 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span>
+your fate be upon your own head." And he strode
+out of the hall gnashing and grinding his teeth in the
+most terrible manner, only stopping to pick up the
+sandwich which he had thrown down in his outburst
+of passion.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_212.jpg"><img src="images/i_212_tn.jpg" width="400" height="285" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">&#39;YOUR FATE BE UPON YOUR OWN HEAD&#39;</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'When the door had slammed to with terrific force
+behind him there was a great silence in the hall, and
+we all looked at one another with scared faces. Soon
+every one arose from the table, and silently left the
+banqueting-hall to prepare for the fight which we now
+knew would come on the morrow.</p>
+
+<p>'Try as I would, I could not sleep for thinking of<!-- Page 158 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span>
+the battle in store for us. I counted more sheep than
+would have fed our army for six months, but with no
+result. I then tried elephants, and after that camels
+and zebras, and finally, hoping that their odd shapes
+might bring me repose, I tried ant bears, but all in vain.
+At last, in despair, I rose from my hard couch, donned
+my uniform, and snatching up a cracknel, strode out
+of my tent.</p>
+
+<p>'Murmuring "Brittle Pantechnicons" (which, by
+the way, was our password) to the sentry, I strolled
+idly down to the sea. It was a beautiful and perfectly
+still night, with not a ripple to disturb the surface of
+the sea, upon which, here and there, would glow a
+little shimmer of light as the phosphorescent turbot
+rose to its prey. In the distance, and away to the
+right, could be seen the camp-fires of the enemy, and
+the reflections in the pools left by the tide. Ever and
+anon sounds of merriment could be heard as the
+invaders, heedless of the morrow, spent the night in
+revelry. To the left, and further back, could be seen
+the tents of our forces, not a sound arising therefrom
+except the low monotonous breathing of the soldiers
+(who were so well drilled that even in their sleep they
+breathed in time), or maybe the "Who goes there?"
+of the sentry would sound in the darkness, as he
+mistook a moth for a spy, or the drone of the beach
+bee for the war-whoop of the enemy.</p>
+
+<p>'At the water's edge, dark against the starry sky,
+I found a solitary bathing-machine, beneath which<!-- Page 159 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span>
+I crept, and here at length my weariness quite overcame
+me and I slept. How long I remained thus I
+cannot tell, but I was awakened by heavy footsteps
+on the floor of the machine over my head. My
+curiosity was intense, but resisting the temptation to
+rush out and satisfy it, I wisely resolved to remain in
+my present position as long as possible.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_214.jpg"><img src="images/i_214_tn.jpg" width="400" height="83" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">FLOUNDERING ABOUT IN THE SEA</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Presently the mysterious tenant of the machine
+opened its seaward door and stood revealed in the
+light of the moon, which had arisen during my sleep,
+as the terrible Reginald Bendbrisket himself, clothed
+in a deep black bathing-suit. I crouched down, not
+daring to move a muscle, and was presently relieved
+to see him, after standing for some time on the steps
+of the machine, amble carefully over the stones to
+the edge of the sea, into which he plunged.</p>
+
+<p>'Now it was that an idea suddenly occurred to me,
+and I instantly crept from my place of concealment,
+and stealing up to the landward door of the machine
+nailed it fast with the hammer and nails I always
+carried with me to mend my drum, which was not
+infrequently broken beneath my enthusiastic blows.<!-- Page 160 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span>
+Having secured the front door, I now crept in at the
+back and, doffing my own clothes, soon donned those
+of the unconscious filibuster, who was still floundering
+about in the sea. Having effected this change, I crept
+back to my former position under the machine, and
+had barely made myself comfortable there when I saw
+the rogue returning.</p>
+
+<p>'After scrambling painfully over the stony beach
+he mounted the steps and entered the machine, and
+the slam of the door as it closed upon him was the
+signal for me to rush out and secure this as I had
+already secured the front door. Having done this,
+I waited no longer, but made off with all possible
+speed in the direction of the enemy's camp, which I
+had nearly reached, when I heard a most terrible
+banging from the interior of the now distant bathing-machine.
+Losing no time, I entered the camp, and,
+being easily mistaken for their captain, passed on
+unchallenged.</p>
+
+<p>'Arriving in time at the centre of the camp, I
+found all the men gathered together, having forsaken
+their revels, evidently in expectation of the return of
+their leader.</p>
+
+<p><!-- Page 161 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_216.jpg"><img src="images/i_216_tn.jpg" width="400" height="309" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">IN EXPECTATION OF THEIR LEADER</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Standing before the villainous crew, I assumed, as
+nearly as I could, the mien and rough harsh voice of
+their filibustering captain, and ordered them to embark
+at once and to leave the island, as it had been reinforced
+during the night by such a mass of thundering
+artillery as would be impossible to withstand, and
+that they were even now fast approaching along the
+beach from the other end of the island where they
+had landed. The men, on hearing this appeared
+quite incredulous and their growls of disbelief grew
+louder and louder and threatened a terrible mutiny.
+Having at length gained a hearing, I invited them all
+to that part of the camp by which I had entered, to
+hear for themselves the approach of the distant hosts.
+Leading them all, still grumbling and growling, a little
+way beyond the camp, I commanded them all to be
+absolutely quiet, and then, in the silence which
+ensued, could be heard far away in the direction of<!-- Page 162 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span>
+the bathing-machine a most terrific and continuous
+banging, together with the sound of muffled shouting.</p>
+
+<p>'The men were aghast, and in the moonlight their
+swarthy faces could be seen to change to a ghastly
+white. Then, with an unearthly yell, they all turned
+and fled in a wild panic to the boats. They tumbled
+over and over each other in their anxiety to get away,
+and many got wet to the skin in their endeavour to
+reach the boats. At last, to my great joy, I saw the
+last of them pull off and reach the ships, which now
+put on all sail and vanished away for ever.</p>
+
+<p>'I now returned to the bathing-machine, from
+which still came a terrible din, though not quite so
+violent as it had been at first.</p>
+
+<p>'Taking hold of the rope that was fastened to it, I
+began to drag the machine in the direction of our
+camp, the banging meanwhile gradually subsiding,
+until at last only an occasional bang proclaimed the
+machine to be inhabited. As before, I passed the
+sentry by murmuring "Brittle Pantechnicons" and
+drew the machine up in front of the General's
+tent.</p>
+
+<p>'The General, having finished an early breakfast,
+was just setting out to take a stroll before settling
+down to plan out the battle, and seeing me, whom he
+at first took to be Reginald Bendbrisket, the good
+man received quite a severe shock. However, I soon
+undeceived him, and after relating my adventures I
+unfastened the door of the bathing-machine, and<!-- Page 163 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span>
+disclosed therein the form of the filibuster on bended
+knees, imploring our mercy.</p>
+
+<p>'Every one was delighted at such a speedy end
+to the campaign, for my part in which I was duly
+honoured. Reginald Bendbrisket, after a mild punishment,
+reformed and became a very respectable gentleman,
+the president kindly using his influence to
+secure for him a lucrative position in a well-known
+Insurance Office.</p>
+
+<p>'And thus, my good Sirs, it is, that the Isle of
+Wight still remains one of our many valued possessions.'</p>
+
+<p>'The very man for me,' thought the King of Troy,
+when he had finished his story, and before proceeding
+with their journey, he promoted the martial creature
+to the high position of second General-in-chief of the
+army.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_218.jpg"><img src="images/i_218_tn.jpg" width="400" height="87" alt="" title="TAILPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 164 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_219.jpg"><img src="images/i_219_tn.jpg" width="400" height="400" alt="" title="VIGNETTE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><!-- Page 165 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 301px;">
+<a href="images/i_220.jpg"><img src="images/i_220_tn.jpg" width="301" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE-PAGE [The Wild Man]" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 166 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_221.jpg"><img src="images/i_221_tn.jpg" width="400" height="294" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+<h2><a name="THE_WILD_MAN" id="THE_WILD_MAN"></a>THE WILD MAN</h2>
+
+
+<p>One day the army were overtaken by a singularly
+wild-looking man who proved, however,
+to be at the same time quite an amiable
+creature, and expressed a great desire to seek some
+employment with the gallant fellows. The King was
+pleased to enlist the nice and sociable person, and
+was more than repaid for his confidence in him by
+his charming ways. On one occasion, when the King
+was rather tired and worried, the Wild Man, in
+order to distract the dear old fellow, told the following
+story:<!-- Page 167 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'Good Sirs, though wild enough indeed, yet may I
+claim to be an unspoilt child of nature, whose finest
+instincts have, unchecked, found their true development.
+Thus, communing with nature from my cradle
+and living on terms of the closest intimacy with her
+wildest creatures, I can appreciate their humble wants,
+their hopes and fears, and have acquired the truly
+marvellous power of conversing with these simple-minded
+denizens of the wilderness.</p>
+
+<p>'My home was a rocky cave hard by the sea-shore,
+in which I lived in simple happiness with my good
+wife, now dead, alas! this many a long year ago, and
+our five brown children, who long since have grown
+to men and gone out into the world to seek their
+fortunes. Harmless indeed were our joys, and our
+trials we bore with that great fortitude which was not
+the least of the blessings we derived from our simple
+mode of life.</p>
+
+<p>'To proceed with my tale, on one dismal evening
+late in autumn, I left my cave, with the hungry cries
+of my children still in my ears,&mdash;for, indeed, the poor
+things had had no sup or bite the whole day through.
+Wondering what I could do that they might not go
+supperless to bed, I strolled along the sands by the
+sea in the hope of finding some odd limpet or whelk
+which, together with a few dried dandelion leaves,
+might make a simple stew. Alas! no vestige of a
+single crustacean could I find, so I sat me down upon
+the sands, determined not to return until the children<!-- Page 168 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span>
+had fallen asleep on the dry ferns and grass heaped
+up for them at the back of the cave, as their cries
+were more torment to me than my own emptiness.</p>
+
+<p>'The sun had long ago set, and the autumnal
+twilight, reflected in the pools of still water left by
+the far receded tide, was gradually fading from the
+sky, when I fancied I could hear a low heart-rending
+moan from off the desolate waste of sand before me.
+Again and again it sounded, and at last realising that
+it might be uttered by some creature in distress, I
+stood up and, as far as the fading light would permit,
+scanned the sands in every direction.</p>
+
+<p>'Nothing, however, could I see, and as the moan
+still continued at intervals and became, in fact, more
+and more painful and beseeching, I wandered about,
+a prey to the liveliest anxiety, endeavouring to discover
+whence it proceeded.</p>
+
+<p>'At length I perceived on the sand, at a little
+distance before me, a small dark motionless object,
+and at that instant a harrowing sound, arising therefrom
+on the evening air, left me in no doubt as to the
+origin of the moans I had already heard. Creeping
+as quietly as possible on my hands and knees quite
+close to it, I found it to be a lovely blue point oyster,
+and bringing my head to a level with the shell, I asked
+coaxingly, and in as soft a voice as I could command,
+what ailed it.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 301px;">
+<a href="images/i_226.jpg"><img src="images/i_226_tn.jpg" width="301" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">Harmless indeed were our joys</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'"Alas!" said the oyster, "a little while ago I
+possessed a child as sweet as ever chortled to its<!-- Page 169 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span>
+gasping mother, but snatched from me as it has been
+by the cruellest of whelks, it may even now lie helpless
+in the grasp of the ravenous brute, as it ruthlessly
+sups off its delicate limbs. No such grief have I had
+since that old native, my worthy husband, was slain,
+and was laid in state, his hoary head supported by
+a slice of lemon, beside a piece of brown bread-and-butter."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_228.jpg"><img src="images/i_228_tn.jpg" width="400" height="294" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">I PLEADED MY CASE</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Deeply affected by her grief, I begged her to
+reveal the name of the little one and to indicate the
+direction taken by the marauding whelk. "Bertram
+is its name," said the widowed blue point, and I could<!-- Page 170 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span>
+hear the tears falling within the shell as, with her
+beard, she pointed out the path followed by the
+rogue.</p>
+
+<p>'I had not proceeded far in the direction indicated
+when I overtook a whelk, whose face was quite distorted
+by a savage look, and whose growls drowned
+the feeble cries of a tender blue pointlet whom he
+dragged along by the beard.</p>
+
+<p>'"Now what is all this about?" said I to the
+sullen fellow. "Why should you, who are maybe
+blessed with young of your own, rob a poor widowed
+oyster of her only consolation since the death of her
+husband? A heart of rock would have melted at the
+cries of your victim, but you, ungenerous, can have
+no heart at all, and entirely drag the name of whelk
+through the mud." I could distinctly hear the ruffian
+lashing his tail within his shell as he replied: "It's
+all very well for you, old boy, but all that kind of
+nonsense you're talking don't come in here. If it
+were a question of saving your own life I'll bet you
+wouldn't give much ear to the whimperings of a
+sentimental blue point. Know then, old stick, that
+it isn't for the love of children that I am dragging
+this little brat along, but he's just going to be the
+supper of an old crab, who caught me this afternoon
+and only let me go on the condition that I found
+him something a little more toothsome and tender
+than I am."</p>
+
+<p>'The cries of the infant were cruel to hear when it<!-- Page 171 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span>
+learnt the fate in store for it, and filled my heart with
+pity for the frail youngster. "Now come," said I to
+the whelk, "just wait a little while and consider,
+would it not always be a sad thing for you to reflect
+upon that you had been the cause of this frail young
+thing's death?" "Gammon!" answered the leather-hearted
+whelk, and proceeded on its journey. "Stay
+yet awhile," cried I, "and I will run and talk it over
+with the crab and see if his hard shell may hide a
+kinder heart than yours." "Well, look alive, old
+sentiments," replied the whelk; "it's a bit chilly
+waiting about out of the water when the tide's low.
+You'll see the old rascal over there by the sea."</p>
+
+<p>'I hastened with what speed I might in the direction
+pointed out by the whelk, and presently came
+upon the old crab. Before I had time to greet him
+he accosted me with "Well, old kneebones, what's the
+trouble?" "No trouble of mine I do assure you," I
+replied as I seated myself by his side, taking care at
+the same time to keep well out of reach of his two
+pincer claws, that wobbled about wickedly in my
+direction; thus in some trepidation I continued the
+conversation. "The trouble is that of an innocent
+blue pointlet, now alas! in the toils of a perfect bully
+of a whelk, a worthless rough who is thus victimising
+the innocent to save himself from ending his paltry
+existence in your inside. Now my good fellow, I am
+perfectly certain that you are not going to allow this,
+indeed you are not the sort to sacrifice another's life<!-- Page 172 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span>
+to satisfy your own greed. Let me press you, just for
+once, to go supperless to bed, and thus assuage the
+anguish of a most affectionate mother."</p>
+
+<p>'Much to my mortification and surprise, my conciliatory
+speech was met by roars of laughter from
+the flippant old crab. Peal upon peal disturbed the
+still evening air, and when the last clash of the hideous
+uproar had died away among the distant hills, the unfeeling
+brute, now in a state of collapse from loss of
+breath, gasped out:&mdash;"What, me give up the only
+chance of saving myself from that scoundrel of a
+lobster who only let me go on my promising to secure
+him something for supper a little less hard than myself!
+Well," continued the crab, "that's a good 'un,
+that is. My good chap you must be quite out of your
+senses. Why, not only will I hand over the baby
+oyster to the lobster, but I intend also to have my
+supper off that tough old idiot of a whelk, who
+reckons he's going to get off scot-free, and old
+mother blue point, too, if I can find her," and then,
+as an afterthought, "and you, old marrow-bones,
+wouldn't make half a bad tit-bit if I could get hold
+of you," and he made a horrid dash at me as he
+spoke. However, I easily evaded him, and from a
+safer distance argued the matter out with him in
+the following way:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'"Allow me, my dear crustacean, to put the matter
+to you in this light. Now, first of all, clear your mind
+of all unnecessary bias. Suppose," said I, "that you<!-- Page 173 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span>
+were to change places with the young oyster, suppose,
+we'll say, that you had the near prospect of being
+devoured by the greedy lobster. How would you feel,
+I say, if your neighbour not only refused to exert himself
+in any way to extricate you from your predicament,
+but also gloried in being the main cause of the disaster
+that threatened you?"</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_232.jpg"><img src="images/i_232_tn.jpg" width="400" height="135" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">AND KILLED IT ON THE SPOT</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'The wily scoundrel merely replied, "Ask me
+another," and with his left eye-stalk bent towards
+the ground, insolently winked at me with the other.
+Despairing of penetrating his tough shell with kindly
+suggestions, I temporised with him, and succeeded in
+persuading him to desist from his evil intentions
+until I had talked it over with the lobster. Out of
+sheer perversity the crab directed me wrongly, but
+in good time, after some wandering here and there,
+I discovered the lobster.</p>
+
+<p>'I pleaded my case to him as eloquently as I had
+already done to the others,&mdash;nay, even more eloquently,
+being, no doubt, a little more used to it by<!-- Page 174 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span>
+now, but yet with no apparent good result. The
+wary creature pretended ignorance. "To which crab
+do you refer?" said he, in a questioning tone; "I have
+so much business with crustaceans in one way and
+another that you would be surprised to learn how
+confused I become in my dealings with them." To
+the best of my ability I described the appearance
+of the old crab, and aided my description with a
+slight sketch on the sand made with the point of my
+umbrella. He gazed at this with much interest and
+murmured to himself "considerable artistic talent,"
+and then aloud, "Oh yes, yes, I remember him
+quite well; indeed, he was here only recently about
+a little matter of supper. Well, well, I'm afraid I
+cannot be of any help to you here. You see, it's
+like this. Earlier in the day, I came to a little
+arrangement (quite a little business affair, by the
+way) with an old lady conger eel I have known for
+many years, and it happened in this way. We were
+having a little dispute as to who should sup off the
+other, and without going into details, the upshot of
+it all was that the eel managed to tie herself in a
+knot round my throat, and so, you see, was mistress
+of the situation. I need not tell you that I did not
+lose my presence of mind&mdash;indeed, I never do&mdash;and
+I politely asked her if she had ever tasted crab, and
+effectually persuaded her that they were much better
+eating than lobster, and undertook to procure her a
+beauty (thinking all the time, of course, of our mutual<!-- Page 175 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span>
+friend), on the understanding that I should go quite
+free. It's very sad and all that sort of thing, no
+doubt, about the little oyster&mdash;sweet little chuck&mdash;indeed,
+I am more sorry than I appear to be about
+it, but really what can one do?" And the lobster
+shrugged his bristling shoulders. "Speaking to you,"
+he continued, "as one man of the world to another,
+business is business after all, you know. And if we
+don't fulfil our obligations, where do we stand? Of
+course, I don't say but what a little chat with the
+conger might make it all right, and there's no harm
+in trying&mdash;she's a nice eel. I feel sure you would
+like her, at least I felt I should, when I invited her
+to be my supper&mdash;and if nothing comes of the meeting,
+well, we shall none of us be any worse off than we
+are at the present moment. If at any other time I can
+be of use to you, I do hope that you will not hesitate
+to come round and ask. Good day."</p>
+
+<p>'I now left him to search for the conger, whom I
+found dozing in a pool near the sea. I took her out
+and placed her gently on the sand, and she gradually
+opened her eyes and fastened them on me. I once
+more expounded the reasons why, in my opinion, this
+cruel arrangement should not be persisted in. I quite
+astonished myself by my own eloquence, which grew
+more impassioned as I proceeded, and noticed that
+the old conger seemed deeply impressed. As I came
+to the most affecting parts of my argument the
+expression in her eyes grew really tender, and at the<!-- Page 176 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span>
+mention of the little blue point a tear gathered in
+each eye and slowly coursed down her shiny form.
+At the conclusion of my appeal the conger drew in
+a deep breath and replied:&mdash;"Well, I never! Now
+that is what I really do call good and kind. Oh pray
+come and sit down beside me on the sand and tell me
+all about it&mdash;now do, and tell me what first put it
+into your head&mdash;it is so very nice to come across a
+little real sentiment in these matter-of-fact times."
+Without waiting for me to proceed she rattled on:&mdash;"Upon
+my word, you really must have the kindest
+heart in the world&mdash;but are you quite sure you are
+comfy? Why not come round the other side; you'll
+be out of the wind there, and we can talk it over
+without anything to interfere with us. I quite agree
+with you in everything you have said, and I must
+say that I know of nothing more delightful than
+to find one's own thoughts expressed so much more
+clearly than one could do it oneself. Do you know,
+I am quite delighted to have met you, and hope that
+this is the commencement of one of those lasting
+friendships...."<!-- Page 177 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_236.jpg"><img src="images/i_236_tn.jpg" width="400" height="288" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">WE COOKED ONE GREAT STEAK</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Thus she gabbled on, and thinking to myself, here,
+at last, is a kind-hearted soul, I asked her to promise
+to take the baby oyster back to its sorrowing mother,
+when she received it from the lobster. "What an
+extremely kind thought," she replied; "I assure you
+there is nothing in the whole world I would love to
+do so much as to take the little thing back to its Ma."
+Glancing dreamily at the sky the old eel continued:&mdash;"Dear
+little mite! I can see it even now, in my mind's
+eye, as it skips to its mother; she, dear soul, the
+while shedding pearls of delight,&mdash;a memory to carry
+to your grave. But I expect you must be going now&mdash;no
+doubt you are as busy as the rest of us&mdash;are they
+all well at home?&mdash;good-bye," and she prepared to
+return to the sea. "But, my dear woman," I protested,
+"I have not yet received your promise to see the
+little oyster home." "Now," said the eel, "pray don't
+spoil the pleasant evening we have had&mdash;but never
+mind&mdash;don't look so serious&mdash;come round some evening<!-- Page 178 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span>
+with the wife and children&mdash;don't say you won't."
+"But, Madam," I answered, "I am waiting for your
+promise to see the little one home." "My dear Sir,"
+she replied at last, growing rather red in the face, "I
+can give you nothing of the kind, and must really refer
+you to the whale who captured me a little while ago,
+and only released me because I promised to procure
+him a lobster, which I persuaded him would be much
+more digestible and less bilious than I should prove
+to be as a meal."</p>
+
+<p>'I now went in search of the whale, whom I discovered
+disporting himself in the sea a very little way
+from the shore. Taking my shoes and stockings off,
+I waded as near to him as I dared, and to conciliate
+him right off I wore as benignant an expression as I
+could assume and thus addressed him: "Of one
+thing I am convinced," said I, "and it is that you are
+the last person in all the world who would willingly
+give pain to anything,&mdash;least of all to a baby oyster."
+"Quite so, quite so," snorted the whale, "and what is
+more I never have and, upon my soul, I never <i>will</i>."
+"Bravo, good resolution," cried I, and then in moving
+terms I explained the situation and urged him to take
+the blue pointlet back to its mother on receiving it
+from the conger eel. "What is this you say," roared
+the whale; "do you mean to tell me that in exchange
+for her own fat self that villainous conger-eel now
+offers me a baby oyster instead of the promised lobster?
+Is it for this gross insult that I allowed her to resume<!-- Page 179 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span>
+her wretched existence? Well, I'm thundered!" and
+the enraged monster leapt seventy feet into the air.
+"Where is she?" roared he, and made off in the
+direction of the conger.</p>
+
+<p>'But the old girl was one too many for the whale
+this time, and having heard his remarks on her
+conduct, off she darted after the lobster, saying to
+herself that as the whole arrangement had fallen
+through, she might just as well sup off the lobster,&mdash;besides,
+the claws would stew up quite well for the
+children's dinner to-morrow. The lobster in his turn,
+seeing the conger approach, at once understood that
+the affair was all off and left his little cave by the
+back door as conger entered by the front, and made
+for the place where he knew he would find the crab,
+arguing to himself thus:&mdash;"At any rate, the crab will
+make an excellent supper to which I have every right;
+for after all, as I have before remarked, business is
+business, and he will certainly be unable to fulfil his
+obligations." The saucy crab, however, saw him coming
+along with his mouth wide open ready to gobble him
+up, and shouted tauntingly to him:&mdash;"Keep your
+bristles on, old prawn" and ran off after the whelk.
+"Nothing really matters," thought he, "and as I feel
+a bit peckish I may as well eat up friend whelk and
+the blue pointlet 'll come in for a light breakfast in
+the morning." The cowardly whelk, reading the crab's
+evil intention in his eyes offered him the baby oyster.
+"Thanks, old flint," said the crab, "I'll have you first<!-- Page 180 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span>
+and the youngster another time," and he pounced on
+the whelk and ate him right up. But as he was
+crawling off in great comfort the old lobster overtook
+him and in no time polished him off. The lobster,
+now too contented to move quickly, was slowly returning
+to the water when up came the conger-eel
+who, without any delay, proceeded to strangle him
+and then to gobble him up. After her feast, the old
+girl, in her turn, felt drowsy. "I think," said she,
+"I now deserve a nap," and she lay down in a pool
+and went fast asleep. Presently the whale came
+along, having been hunting for the conger all over the
+place. As soon as he caught sight of her he roared
+in his wrath, "Is this what you call keeping your
+bargain?" and with one gulp he bolted her,&mdash;head,
+fins, tail and all.</p>
+
+<p>'Then, having accomplished his revenge, and at
+the same time satisfied his appetite, his contentment
+was complete and he rolled over on his side in the
+shallow water, and fell into a deep sleep.</p>
+
+<p>'Now, thought I, is this not providential? Is there
+not here not merely the evening meal I left my cave
+to seek, but many meals for my good wife and children,&mdash;enough
+in fact to ward off hunger throughout the
+winter that is now fast approaching. Taking up a
+great rock I hurled it with all my force at the head of
+the whale and killed it on the spot. I now proceeded
+to cut up the great creature and carry it, piece by
+piece, to my cave, and that very night, when it was all<!-- Page 181 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span>
+safely stowed, we cooked one great steak for supper,
+waking the children in order that they might share the
+meal, and the remainder my good wife preserved in
+brine. Thus in comfort we lived the winter through.</p>
+
+<p>'The little oyster found its way back to its mother,
+and so grateful were they both for my endeavours to
+help them, that they took up their abode with us.
+Bertram grew to a fine chubby blue point. "Just like
+his father," said the proud mother, and nothing reached
+our hearts so nearly as his playful, charming ways.'</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_240.jpg"><img src="images/i_240_tn.jpg" width="400" height="116" alt="" title="TAILPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 182 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 166px;">
+<a href="images/i_241.jpg"><img src="images/i_241_tn.jpg" width="166" height="400" alt="" title="VIGNETTE" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 183 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 301px;">
+<a href="images/i_242.jpg"><img src="images/i_242_tn.jpg" width="301" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE-PAGE [The Musician]" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<p><!-- Page 184 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_243.jpg"><img src="images/i_243_tn.jpg" width="400" height="221" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+
+<h2><a name="THE_MUSICIAN" id="THE_MUSICIAN"></a>THE MUSICIAN</h2>
+
+
+<p>Sometimes now the old King showed signs of
+weariness, and Bill bethought him that a
+little music occasionally might soothe his
+nerves. So in the very next town they came to he
+engaged the only musician in the place, and very
+willing he was too to come along.</p>
+
+<p>He played very wonderful music on his old concertina,
+often assisted with his voice, and one evening,
+after a very beautiful performance, the talented
+creature related the following story to his enchanted
+hearers:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'Right glad have I been, good fellows all, to join you
+in this your noble enterprise to right our stout old
+brother of Troy here, and in good time I trust that<!-- Page 185 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span>
+my great deeds shall prove my sincerity. But, in the
+meantime, as supper hour draws on apace, and the
+frizzling cutlets do scent the evening air, a little story
+should not be amiss to distract your anxious minds,
+and thus to check the impatience of your appetite.</p>
+
+<p>'Know then, my jovial birds, my cunning blades,
+that I am the eldest son of that Prince of Polynesia
+who united the scattered kingdoms of this unwieldy
+archipelago into one vast empire, over which he ruled
+with even-handed justice and some common-sense
+until his death. Ah! lads, if all had their rights I
+should at the present moment be seated on the soft
+cushions of my father's throne, and maybe more able
+to be of help to you than I am now; but you must
+take the will for the deed.</p>
+
+<p>'My word! what a plump and healthy child was I,
+and withal as jolly and as hearty as the day was long.
+Moreover, was not I the pride of the empire and the
+envy of all the other kings and princes who had ever
+seen or heard of me? Alas! who could have foretold
+that I was thus early in life destined to have a real
+good taste of the troubles of this weary world, and,
+though surrounded by every care and attention and
+the object of the greatest affection that ever bubbled
+in the human heart, shortly to become the victim of
+the meanest spite.</p>
+
+<p>'But to proceed with the yarn&mdash;neither care nor
+expense was spared in my upbringing, to which
+possibly more thought was devoted than even to<!-- Page 186 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span>
+the education of our very well-educated and trustworthy
+friend, the buxom Sicilian char-woman. At
+all events, the most certificated nurses procurable
+were continually being engaged, but apparently only
+to be dismissed again, for, almost perfect as most of
+them were, I can assure you that, in the course of a
+very little time they were certain, of course, to reveal
+(as was only natural) some slight weakness, and I ask
+you, good comrades all, which of us is without 'em?
+This overcarefulness on the part of my good parents
+was to be the cause of the disaster that was soon
+entirely to change the trend of my life.</p>
+
+<p>'It came about in this way. One of the discharged
+nurses, indignant at what, with some show of reason,
+she considered an injustice to herself (she had been
+dismissed for curling my hair only a little to the right
+instead of quite to the right), resolved to revenge herself
+on her late master and mistress, in such a manner
+as should be most likely to leave them wretched for
+the remainder of their lives. Knowing the overextravagance
+of their affection for me, she cruelly
+determined to strike them in this, their weakest spot.
+One dark night, after cleverly evading the ever-wakeful
+guards, she crept into my father's palace. Stealing up
+the main staircase without attracting observation, she
+arrived at the now empty throne-room, which she
+stealthily traversed, keeping all the while close to the
+wall. She then passed through the little door at the
+left of the grand throne and found herself in the<!-- Page 187 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span>
+billiard-room. She had not, however, taken two
+steps therein when a fearful panic seized her, for
+what should she behold but the stout form of my
+rare old dad the emperor leaning over the table,
+apparently in the act of making a brilliant stroke.
+A few seconds' consideration, however, served to
+convince the vengeful creature that he was fast
+asleep. Gnashing her teeth at the old gentleman,
+she hurried across the room and entered the library,
+in which my good mother was seated, reading. But
+so absorbed was the good lady in her book that she
+took no notice whatever of the agile intruder, as she
+entered by one door and swiftly left by the other.
+She now successively passed through the state ball-room,
+the music-room, the third best drawing-room,
+the second best ball-room, and the state bed-room,
+and mounting the back stairs, came to the suite of
+rooms occupied by the nurses, and eventually reached
+the nurses' dining-hall, into which my nursery led,
+without having excited any one's observation.</p>
+
+<p>'Opening my door very quietly, she peeped in.
+All was dark inside except for the glimmer of a night-light
+which shone on the frilling of my cradle and on
+the form of the nurse then in office, who had fallen
+asleep over her supper of stewed apples. Creeping
+in quietly, the evil-minded woman lifted my sleeping
+form from the cradle, so gently that she did not
+awaken me, and, holding me closely to her, once
+more successfully passed through all the apartments<!-- Page 188 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span>
+she had already traversed, without arousing any
+suspicion, and at length found herself again in the
+open air.</p>
+
+<p>'Without losing a moment, she now made off to
+the woods, and after wandering in these for some
+time, she met an old witch with whom, no doubt,
+she had an appointment. Seated on the grass, the
+two women haggled and haggled, and at last the
+treacherous nurse sold me to the witch for three
+cocoanuts, and then went on her way and out of
+my life for ever.</p>
+
+<p>'Now it happened that the old witch lived in the
+hollow trunk of a tree with her foster son, a tiny
+gnome named Orpheus, as quaint a little object as
+ever I set eyes on, who played incessantly and most
+beautifully on an old concertina, the very one, in fact,
+which I now carry with me. The little fellow had been
+found some years before by the old witch wandering
+near the ruins of an old temple in the very middle of
+the wood. To whom he belonged, and whence he had
+come, no one knew,&mdash;not even he himself, perhaps.
+However, the old girl adopted him, and now nothing
+could exceed the motherly affection with which she
+regarded this dry and shrivelled-up little chap,&mdash;unless,
+indeed, it was the ardour with which the
+grateful gnome returned it. In fact, I learned some
+time afterwards that the old witch had purchased me
+solely that I might be a companion for this rum little
+person.<!-- Page 189 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_248.jpg"><img src="images/i_248_tn.jpg" width="400" height="292" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">SHE NOW MADE OFF TO THE WOODS</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'The old girl, weird as was her general appearance,
+did all she could to make me comfortable,&mdash;in fact far
+more than an ordinary witch would have dreamt of
+doing,&mdash;and in recognition of her well-intentioned
+attitude towards myself, I encouraged the spark of
+friendliness I began to feel for her. But for her darling
+son, as soon as I grew accustomed to his quaint
+appearance, and realised his kindness of heart and
+friendly disposition towards myself, I conceived a great
+affection. He would climb to the topmost branches
+of our tree, to practise his exercises every morning, in
+order that I should not be worried with melancholy<!-- Page 190 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span>
+repetitions, and, when perfected in some melody, who
+shall describe the unaffected joy with which he would
+come down and play it for my delight? How often in
+the moonlight (I lying on the grass at his side) would
+he play over and over again to me some melancholy
+air, while our foster-mother, mayhap, would be sweeping
+the dead leaves from our abode, and preparing it
+for our night's repose.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_249.jpg"><img src="images/i_249_tn.jpg" width="400" height="180" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">HE WOULD CLIMB TO THE TOPMOST BRANCHES</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Not I alone was gratified and enchanted by his
+dulcet tones, for all the creatures of the woodland
+drew near and listened as night gradually covered the
+sky, and he played through his evening pieces.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 287px;">
+<a href="images/i_252.jpg"><img src="images/i_252_tn.jpg" width="287" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">And played it for my delight</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Elephants hovered around in the shadows of the
+trees, and sighed great slobbering sighs. Bullfinches,
+sparrows, eagles, flamingoes, wild geese, peacocks,
+turkeys, cranes, pelicans, and every manner of bird,
+thronged the branches of the trees, and, with their
+heads and beaks sunk almost into their feathers,<!-- Page 191 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span>
+opened and closed their eyes in their rapturous surprise.
+The lions and tigers sprawled about, wishing,
+in pure shame at their habitual monstrous cruelties,
+that they had been vegetarians from the very beginning:
+such power had the music of Orpheus. Even
+the mad-headed monkeys and apes, sitting in rows
+amongst the trees, thought, Good heavens! what fools
+they were! and, blushing at their childish tricks,
+wondered if it yet were possible to reform and take
+a serious view of life. The old snake, quite overcome
+and enthralled by the delicious strains, opened wide
+his jaws, and allowed the little missel-thrush to nestle
+therein, and, thus protected from the night-air, to
+listen to the music in comfort. However, no lasting
+reformation was ever effected in their untamed natures,
+for no sooner had the music ceased than each scurried
+away, once again to resume his depredations and
+savage ways.</p>
+
+<p>'It happened one evening that the gnome surpassed
+himself by his rendering of some enchanting
+melodies, and every one was quite enthralled and
+rendered almost helpless. The birds sank their heads
+and beaks lower and lower into their feathers, as the
+music proceeded, until they were no longer visible.
+The lions and tigers rolled on their backs in the grass,
+in an agony of despair at their own unreformable lives:
+the elephants turned quite white, and trembled so
+violently that they could hardly support their own
+huge bulks and leant against one another to prevent<!-- Page 192 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span>
+themselves coming down with a crash; such a great
+lump had risen in the throat of the giraffe as quite distorted
+his otherwise graceful neck; while the monkeys
+gibbered and blubbered tearfully to themselves, and
+the old rascal of a snake slipped right off into a trance.</p>
+
+<p>'At last the music ceased, and the little musician
+left me while he went in to hang up his musical instrument
+in safety. Meanwhile, in spite of the state to
+which they had been elevated, the absurd creatures
+had all scurried off, as usual, with no other thought in
+their savage minds than to get each his own supper at
+any cost. The old snake, however, did not recover as
+quickly as the others, and when at length he awakened
+from his trance, he could see that all the others had
+vanished, and that I was lying on the grass, quite
+unprotected, the gnome not having, as yet, returned
+to my side. "Ha, ha!" said he to himself, his savage
+nature having returned in all its force, "what a slice of
+luck! By gum! I never see such a beauty. Won't the
+youngsters be just delighted!" He rapidly slithered
+in my direction and, quickly tying the end of his long
+form securely round me, slithered away again, carrying
+me through the long grass at a bewildering speed.</p>
+
+<p>'After travelling in this rough fashion for some
+time, we at length came to a clearing in the heart of
+the wood, in which stood all that remained of the
+ancient temple, and amongst its fallen columns and
+walls, overgrown as they were with wild flowers and
+tall grasses, the old snake had made his home, where<!-- Page 193 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span>
+he lived in comfort with his wife and a large brood of
+pranksome snakelets.</p>
+
+<p>'We were greeted by the youngsters with every
+mark of joy and surprise. "How good of you, Henry,"
+cried the mother, "and what a really fine specimen!
+Shall we have him to-night, or keep him for next
+Tuesday, my birthday you know, dear?" After a little
+talk it was decided that I should be held over until
+the next Tuesday, and in the meantime I was placed
+in the larder, and given plenty of odd scraps to eat,
+no doubt to keep me plump and in good condition.</p>
+
+<p>'Tuesday came round in due course and, in order
+to celebrate the day in a manner suitable to the greatness
+of the occasion, the old snake invited all his
+neighbours. When I was brought out of the larder,
+on a large dish, roars of delight rose to the sky from
+the throats of the assembled guests, all seated round
+on the fallen stones of the ruined temple.</p>
+
+<p>'The old lion was there, smacking his lips in
+anticipation of a nice cut, and the tiger's mouth was
+visibly watering at the prospect of such a feast: while,
+as for the little snakelets, they kept up quite a clamour
+in their impatience to get at me. The monkeys, of
+course, contributed their share to the general uproar,
+though they seemed more inclined to fasten their eyes
+on the filberts and almonds with which I was garnished.
+The eagles took the whole thing very seriously
+and, flapping their great wings, screeched to the sky
+in their eagerness to begin; and all the other guests,<!-- Page 194 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span>
+the giraffes, the zebras, the hippos, the storks, the
+flamingoes, the wild cats, the pelicans, the wild geese,
+the peacocks, the turkeys, and every thinkable animal
+contributing to the general noise, there was such an
+awful din that the snake could only obtain silence by
+using the thin end of his long body as a flail on the
+drum-like sides of the elephant. He then made a
+few remarks on the importance of the occasion, and
+referred to his wife in quite a graceful way, for a
+snake; and, continuing, asked one of the guests to
+volunteer to carve. The stork, having a very convenient
+beak for the purpose, stood up and offered
+his services, which were gratefully accepted.</p>
+
+<p>'I was now placed on the grass directly in front of
+the carver, who was about to skewer me with his long
+and sharp beak, when there came to our ears from far
+away amongst the trees that surrounded us on every
+side, the sweet harmonies of that lovely song "The
+Pond where Herbert Drownded," played with the
+greatest sympathy on the concertina. At once the
+stork turned its head in the direction whence the sound
+proceeded, and as it gradually drew nearer and nearer
+I became more and more convinced that such music
+could only be produced by my friend and foster-brother.</p>
+
+<p>'All the creatures in varying degrees were affected;
+the snake and his wife coiled themselves on the grass
+and gasped in rapture; the stork and all the birds
+closed their eyes, and their heads sank lower and lower<!-- Page 195 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span>
+into their fluffy bodies, until like balls of feathers they
+rolled over and lay trembling in the grass.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_258.jpg"><img src="images/i_258_tn.jpg" width="400" height="301" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">SWEEPING THE DEAD LEAVES</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'The lion and tiger were so overcome that they
+leant their old heads on their paws and sobbed aloud,
+while the monkeys grew fidgety and quite self-conscious
+at first, and then abandoned themselves to the
+melancholy aroused by the music.</p>
+
+<p>'The gnome, whom I afterwards learnt had been
+wandering about the wood playing mournful airs on
+his concertina ever since he had missed me, now
+drew near, and finishing "The Pond where Herbert
+Drownded" proceeded with "Poor Molly Dawson" and<!-- Page 196 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span>
+other tunes of an equally affecting nature. On seeing
+that all were sufficiently bowled over, he struck up
+with "Oh, Jack, he was a Bright Spark," and so lively
+and brisk was the measure that up they all jumped
+and danced and danced with the greatest spirit.</p>
+
+<p>'The strangest figure of all was cut by the old
+snake who pirouetted on the end of his tail at the
+greatest speed, in which weird performance he was
+soon joined by his wife. The eagle extended his
+wings and waltzed with the elephant; the lion and
+tiger spun round, holding each other by the paw, so
+quickly that it was almost impossible to see them;
+the old turtle rolled over on the back of its shell and
+span like a teetotum, with the silly monkeys linking
+hands and in one wide ring skipping around it; in
+fact, all got up and jumped and lumped and sprawled
+about in the most ridiculous fashion until they were
+quite out of breath. Nevertheless, Orpheus would
+not let them rest, but marched off playing the most
+exciting music, and all the infatuated creatures, quite
+forgetful of their banquet, followed him through the
+wood. Strange enough, in all conscience, was this,
+but how much stranger by far was it when the very
+stones of the ruin leapt up, and rolling over and over,
+also followed in this odd procession as it tramped and
+crashed through the trees.</p>
+
+<p>'From where I was seated on the dish I could
+hear the sounds of the music gradually fading away,
+as the musician led the noisy crew further and further<!-- Page 197 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span>
+off; the crash of the falling branches and the crackle
+of the breaking underwood died down in the distance
+and I knew that I was saved.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_260.jpg"><img src="images/i_260_tn.jpg" width="400" height="308" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">WITH NO OTHER WEALTH THAN MY CONCERTINA</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'The little gnome led the bewitched creatures such
+a dance through the wood that one by one they fell
+down in a state of collapse, and when the last was
+quite overcome, the faithful fellow returned to the
+temple and carried me home.</p>
+
+<p>'Never again did they leave me alone for a single
+second until I was able to take care of myself, and I
+spent the years of my boyhood in great happiness with
+these two simple and kindly souls. Brother Orpheus
+took no end of pains in teaching me to play the<!-- Page 198 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span>
+concertina and, eager to learn, I soon became proficient.
+But, dear lads, clever as you know me to be,
+never could I even approach the skill of my good and
+patient master.</p>
+
+<p>'In the course of time the old witch had to die, and
+the grief of her little foster son was so great at his loss
+that, try as I would, I could not in any way lighten it.
+One day soon after I missed the little man, and he
+never returned again. All that he left behind him
+for me to remember him by was his old concertina.</p>
+
+<p>'I waited by the tree for many a long day, still
+thinking that he would return, until I was compelled
+at last to abandon all hope of ever seeing him again.
+I wandered out into the world with no other wealth
+than my concertina, but how often since have I had
+to bless the memory of my little friend who thus
+endowed me with the means of subsistence, and, at
+the same time, with a protection against all manner
+of evil.'</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_261.jpg"><img src="images/i_261_tn.jpg" width="400" height="188" alt="" title="TAILPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 199 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<a href="images/i_262.jpg"><img src="images/i_262_tn.jpg" width="300" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE-PAGE [The Lost Grocer]" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<p><!-- Page 200 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_263.jpg"><img src="images/i_263_tn.jpg" width="400" height="236" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+
+<h2><a name="THE_LOST_GROCER" id="THE_LOST_GROCER"></a>THE LOST GROCER</h2>
+
+
+<p>For many and many a weary mile the persevering
+little band had now trudged on without meeting
+with any adventure worth relating, and
+every one was longing for the end of their travels, when
+one lovely evening they came across a good-natured-looking
+policeman, fast asleep on a stile by the
+roadside. The tramp, tramp of the army awakened
+him, and with a gentle smile he got off his perch and
+walked alongside the King. Charmed with his easy
+manner, the King jokingly asked him of what he had
+been dreaming that he smiled so pleasantly. 'Oh, of
+old times and old friends,' the policeman replied, and
+then as he walked along he thus related the strangest
+of experiences:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'Many years ago it was my happy lot to be the<!-- Page 201 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span>
+principal policeman of the pleasant little town of
+Troutpeg, situated, as you know, on the banks of the
+river Peg, just where it flows into the estuary of the
+Drip, that here broadens into that well-known land-locked
+harbour of the same name, and thus finally finds
+its way to the sea. Nestling amongst its stone-capped
+hills, the happy place seemed designed by a kind nature
+as a retreat for all who were blithe and amiable, and
+such indeed it proved to be, for no more kindly and
+genial souls than the Troutpegsters could be found.
+Their simplicity was delightful, though perhaps such as
+to incline them all the more readily to believe in the
+wild legends of the country-side. Many were the
+strange stories told by the shepherds, who tended their
+flocks on the hills at night, of wild rites, and uncouth
+dances performed by ghostly beings, in the light of the
+moon, amidst the ancient circles of Druid stones.
+Little else, however, was there to disturb the peaceful
+thoughts of the Troutpegsters.</p>
+
+<p>'The prosperity of the township was so great, and
+the comfort of each of its inhabitants so well assured
+that for many years no wickedness of any kind had
+shown its head, and the life of a policeman in this
+happy and secluded town was one long summer
+holiday. To be sure, a little skirmish here and there
+amongst the lads might make it wise gently to exert
+my authority, or a little quarrel amongst the girls call
+forth a slight rebuke, but otherwise my life was one
+of unbroken peace.<!-- Page 202 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'My dearest friend was the tea-grocer, a man of
+sad and dreamy ways and quite devoid of guile, who
+returned my affection with all the ardour of a singularly
+loving nature. He shared his every joy with me, and
+when his holidays came round no greater recreation
+could he find than in my society. Walking by my
+side as I strolled along my beat, he would confide to
+me his simple hopes and fears, and in his troubles
+seek my readily extended sympathy. Such simplicity
+and inoffensive mien had he as brought to him a rich
+harvest of respect and love, together with the custom
+of his fellow-townsmen.</p>
+
+<p>'In time his little store became quite an evening
+resort for those older townsmen who, no longer able
+to race about the green when work was done, would
+perhaps look in to purchase half a pound of coffee or
+tea, or sugar or salt for the good wife, and stay chatting
+with the amiable grocer. Then maybe one would
+look in to buy an ounce of tobacco, or the excellent
+snuff for which the grocer was far famed, and so on
+and so on until the shop was full. Seated around on
+the tea-chests, coffee bins, tobacco boxes and snuff
+tins, many a pleasant evening have we spent, enlivened
+by good-natured arguments and discussions on every
+conceivable subject.</p>
+
+<p>'One sultry summer's afternoon, as I was standing
+thinking in the cobbled high-street, the quiet of the
+still warm day disturbed only by the gentle breathing
+of the shopmen as they dozed amongst their wares,<!-- Page 203 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span>
+or the distant bleating of the sheep as they browsed
+in and out the rocks and Druid stones capping the
+surrounding hills, the comforting remembrance came
+to me of many a refreshing cup of tea partaken with
+the grocer in the snug little parlour behind his shop.
+With hardly a thought of what I was about, I allowed
+my idle steps gently to stray towards the homely store
+of my friend. Entering therein, and finding that he
+was away from home, I sat me down upon the little
+chair, so thoughtfully provided for weary customers,
+and with my head supported by the counter, resumed
+my broken train of thought until, completely overcome
+by a sense of drowsy comfort, I feel asleep.</p>
+
+<p>'I was suddenly awakened by the church clock
+striking eight, and found that all the town was wrapped
+in slumber and that the grocer had not yet returned.
+Wondering what on earth could keep him away so
+late, and hoping that no harm had overtaken him, I
+stiffly arose from my seat, stretched myself, and betook
+me to my home and bed.</p>
+
+<p>'On the following morning my first thought was
+for my friend, and on learning that he had not returned
+during the night, I called in turn on each of
+his neighbours,&mdash;the doctor, the vicar, the solicitor,
+the postman, and the corn-chandler, and many another
+equally interested in his movements. Not one, however,
+had seen him since the previous day, and all
+showed the liveliest concern and anxiety at his
+mysterious absence.<!-- Page 204 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'Night followed day, and day again followed night,
+with no sign of the vanished grocer. Weeks now
+passed by, and grief took possession of the little town
+at the loss of one who was missed at every turn.
+Hoping that even yet he might return, we kept his
+shop still open for him, and the little birds, encouraged
+by the silence, flew in and out and nested in the
+scales and amongst the stores, glutting their fluffy
+little bodies with the sugar-plums, the currants, the
+herbs and spices that everywhere abounded. And
+even the swallows, so much entertainment did they find
+therein, forgot, as the summer drew to its close, to
+fly away, preferring much to sleep the winter through
+in comfort.</p>
+
+<p>'But alas! months, and years and years and years
+rolled by, and the grocer never returned, and in time
+little enough thought was given to one who had, at
+one time, been held in such esteem by all. But we,
+the older Troutpegsters, still thought at times of our
+vanished friend, and many were the theories we
+suggested to account for his disappearance.</p>
+
+<p>'One held that he had been beguiled by gypsies,
+another that he had been stolen to be exhibited as a
+rare model of virtue in some distant clime, while
+others believed that the fairies, envious of our happiness
+in possessing such a friend, had taken him from our
+midst; but all agreed that we should have guarded
+our treasure with greater care.</p>
+
+<p>'One never-to-be-forgotten evening the doctor, the<!-- Page 205 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span>
+solicitor, the vicar, the corn-chandler, and myself (some
+of us already stricken in years) were seated, as was
+now our evening custom, upon the rustic bridge that
+carries the road across the river Peg. The fragrant
+smoke of our long pipes rising to the evening sky, our
+conversation, as was now so frequently the case, had
+drifted from politics, sport, fashions and the latest
+police intelligence to lovingly-recalled memories of
+our long-lost friend, and so sad did we become that
+lumps as large as egg plums rose to our throats, and
+our eyes brimmed over with tears.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_268.jpg"><img src="images/i_268_tn.jpg" width="400" height="191" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">AFFECTED BY HIS STORY</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Drying our eyes we now smoked on in silent contemplation
+of the past; the night gradually drew
+down, and the first star appeared in the cloudless sky
+when there came to us the sound of a distant footstep,
+coming along the road towards the town, and presently
+a strange figure hove in sight,&mdash;an old, old man, with<!-- Page 206 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span>
+long tangled grey hair and shaggy beard, clothed in
+the most pitiable rags, torn, and held together with
+straw and odd pieces of string. He passed slowly
+across the bridge, leaning heavily on his staff, and
+limped with difficulty towards the town, into which
+with one accord we followed him.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_269.jpg"><img src="images/i_269_tn.jpg" width="400" height="232" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">PLUMP INTO THE RIVER WE WENT</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Down the cobbled high street he walked until he
+came to the shop of the vanished grocer into which
+he turned without any hesitation. Wondering what
+business could take him there, we all hastened to the
+door of the shop, and there, with the utmost astonishment,
+beheld the stranger remove his threadbare
+coat, and replace it with the grocer's moth-eaten apron
+that had hung for so long from a peg on the door;
+then he commenced dusting the shop and putting it<!-- Page 207 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span>
+straight. As I gazed, my astonishment gave place to
+the most incredulous amazement when I detected in
+the old man a fancied likeness to the departed grocer.
+At last, after closer scrutiny, I was convinced that it
+was indeed no other than my friend actually returned
+after all these years, and as he at the same time
+more easily recognised me, we fell into each other's
+arms, and who shall describe the extravagance of
+our joy?</p>
+
+<p>'In a little while, when we had calmed down, we
+all retired to the little parlour behind the shop, and
+our good friend brewed us a cup of tea as of old, and
+after a little gentle persuasion related to us the following
+strange story of his disappearance:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'"On that memorable summer afternoon, many
+years ago, as I was weighing out the sugar into pound
+and half-pound packets (which, as you may remember,
+was my rule at that time of day to prepare for the
+evening trade), a strange old gentleman, clothed in
+the deepest black from cap to slippers, yet withal
+possessed of the most snowy ringlets and beard,
+entered my shop and begged of me some food for
+his family, assuring me that they were all slowly dying
+of starvation.</p>
+
+<p>'"Affected by his story, I was making up for him a
+parcel containing lentils, raisins, dates, figs, sugar, and
+other goods which I thought might be acceptable,
+when, to my astonishment, the ungrateful old rascal
+snatched up a large tin of the finest snuff, which you<!-- Page 208 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span>
+will remember I used to sell in great quantities, and
+bolted with it out of the shop.</p>
+
+<p>'"Without a moment's hesitation I divested myself
+of my apron, and donning my coat, followed him
+at the greatest speed. Away he ran down the high
+street towards the bridge, which he very soon crossed,
+and now along the river bends he sped, with me close
+at his heels. For miles we ran, even as far as the
+source of the river Peg, which we doubled and came
+tearing down the other side. I now perceived that,
+in spite of his age, he ran almost quicker than I did.
+Presently into the river he plunged, I following close,
+and then he retraced his steps towards its source.
+Once more plump into the river we went, and as I
+scrambled up the opposite bank I noticed to my
+dismay that, while I grew more tired and out of
+breath as we ran, he became brisker and fresher.
+Discarding his hat, cloak, and slippers, though still
+holding on to the snuff tin, he now appeared in robes
+of dazzling white, which, with his hair and long white
+beard, flowed behind him as he ran, and gradually
+increased the distance between us.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 301px;">
+<a href="images/i_274.jpg"><img src="images/i_274_tn.jpg" width="301" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">Followed him at the greatest speed</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'"Soon I could perceive that he was making for
+the hill above the town which, with no difficulty at
+all, he mounted long before I had reached its foot,
+and when at last I struggled to the top the old rogue
+was seated upon one of the Druid stones that here in
+one great circle crown the hill, smiling, and hugging
+to himself the while the tin of snuff. On seeing me<!-- Page 209 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span>
+again, he soon jumped down, and I dodged him in
+and out of the stones for at least three hours by the
+church clock, and then weary and utterly dejected I
+sat me down on a stone in the centre of the ring and
+wept bitterly. Directly beneath me I could see,
+through my tears, the lights of our little town shine
+out here and there from the gathering darkness, while
+over the hills, away to my left, the edge of the full red
+moon began to show. As higher and higher it climbed
+the sky, one by one there leapt from the earth beneath
+each stone an aged Druid all clothed in white, with
+long waving grey locks and beard, and crowned with
+garlands of oak leaves, holly, laurels, and mistletoe.
+When the circle of Druids was quite complete the
+old rascal who had lured me from my shop, and who
+now appeared to be their chief, stepped towards me,
+now far too bewildered and astounded to resist, and
+solemnly placed upon my brow a wreath of wild violets.
+Then separately, each of the Druids came forward with
+some offering which he placed before me, afterwards
+returning to his place in the circle, so that presently
+there grew upon the grass in front of me a great
+mound of vegetables, fruit, flowers, haunches of
+venison, fowls, hares, rabbits, and young lambs. At
+length, every Druid having made his offering, their
+chief handed round the tin of snuff from which each
+old fellow took a large pinch, and then, linking hands,
+they danced wildly round me.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_276.jpg"><img src="images/i_276_tn.jpg" width="400" height="161" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">THERE GREW IN FRONT OF ME A GREAT MOUND</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'"In utter silence, by the light of the moon, now<!-- Page 210 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span>
+high in the sky, these solemn rites were performed,
+and still without a sound they whirled quicker and
+quicker around me, their feet hardly seeming to touch
+the ground, and their long loose garments streaming
+after them as they flew.</p>
+
+<p>'"Presently the distant chime of the church clock
+striking twelve reached me from the town below and
+I gradually fell into a trance, as one by one the old
+Druids sank into the earth beneath the stones.</p>
+
+<p>'"Every day since then until to-day have I passed
+in complete oblivion, and every night have I awakened
+to find myself seated on the stone in the centre of the
+ring of Druids, with all the power of resistance taken
+from me, compelled to be the object of their weird
+rites.</p>
+
+<p><!-- Page 211 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_278.jpg"><img src="images/i_278_tn.jpg" width="400" height="300" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">SNEEZING AND SNEEZING</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'"Last night, however, just as the church clock
+began to strike twelve, such a rush of memories
+flooded my brain, and such a longing to see my old
+home and friends took possession of me, that a
+terrible rage at the cruel tyranny of the Druids had
+gathered in my bosom before the clock had finished
+striking the hour. When it was about to strike the
+last beat, I arose from my seat in the centre of the
+circle and approaching the wicked old chief, I snatched
+the snuff tin from his hands and clapped it, snuff and
+all, right down over his eyes. Strange to say the contents
+of the tin had not diminished by so much as a
+single pinch, and such a fit of sneezing seized the old
+scoundrel that he rolled on the grass in the greatest
+distress, quite unable to put the usual spell upon me.
+All the other Druids, with abject terror expressed on<!-- Page 212 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span>
+their faces, sank at once into the ground. The form
+of the head Druid, sneezing and sneezing and sneezing,
+gradually faded away before my eyes, and long after
+he had completely disappeared the sneezing could
+still be heard. Eventually this died away, and pulling
+my clothes together as best I could (for by now they
+were all in rags), I made the best of my way home."</p>
+
+<p>'Having finished his story the grocer now became
+very thoughtful, and we all sat round his little room
+smoking in silence until far into the night, wondering
+at the strange events he had related. Next day, and
+for a whole week, great festivities were held to celebrate
+his return, and the Mayor very willingly resigned
+his office in favour of one who was held in such esteem.
+Innumerable presentations were made to him and
+addresses read to him, yet, in spite of all the honours
+he received, never did he forget his old friends. Nor
+was he too proud to serve in his little shop, now
+enlivened by the songs of the birds he had not the
+heart to turn away. He spent the remainder of his
+useful life in the performance of kind deeds and in
+well-deserved happiness.'<!-- Page 213 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 302px;">
+<a href="images/i_280.jpg"><img src="images/i_280_tn.jpg" width="302" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE-PAGE [The Merchant's Wife and the Merchant]" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 214 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_281.jpg"><img src="images/i_281_tn.jpg" width="400" height="366" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<h2><a name="THE_MERCHANTS_WIFE" id="THE_MERCHANTS_WIFE"></a>THE MERCHANT'S WIFE AND<br />
+THE MERCHANT</h2>
+
+
+<p>'Very, very good, indeed,' the King remarked
+when the policeman had finished his story,
+and he was so pleased that he gave all the
+youngsters a half-holiday, with strict injunctions to be
+back in time for tea.<!-- Page 215 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>At tea-time they all came skipping back, bringing
+with them a little old man they had found, apparently
+lost, and moping about the common. He carried in
+front of him a pedlar's tray, on which were exposed
+for sale many little oddments, such as reels of cotton,
+needles, pins, ribbons, and even little toys, which he
+now hawked round amongst the assembled company.
+As many as were able bought some small thing or
+other out of kindness to the little merchant, and the
+good-natured old monarch invited him to tea.</p>
+
+<p>While they were all enjoying this meal, they were
+disturbed by a great noise, very much like the galloping
+of a horse, and suddenly, without any warning, right
+into their midst there leapt a very large woman, who
+immediately seized upon the little merchant, and
+attempted to drag him away. Bill at once went to
+the assistance of the little fellow, and endeavoured
+to pacify his assailant. At length the irate creature
+calmed down, and addressing the company in an
+aggrieved tone, said:&mdash;'It's all very well for you
+people to stand up for this wicked man, but not one
+of you knows the dance the little wretch has led me
+for the last fifteen years.'</p>
+
+<p>'Of course,' the King answered, 'it is hardly to be
+expected that we should know anything of either of
+you, considering that this is the very first time we
+have had the pleasure of meeting you. Perhaps you
+will be so kind as to enlighten us, and explain to us
+your strange conduct.'<!-- Page 216 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The large woman now sat down upon the grass and
+said:&mdash;'Well, I suppose I had better do so. Give me
+a cup of tea, and I'll let you know all there is to
+know.'</p>
+
+<p>A cup of tea was accordingly handed to her, from
+which she took a sip, and then proceeded thus:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'About fifteen years ago I was so unfortunate as to
+wed this poor specimen of a man you see before you,
+and we had not set up house together very long before
+I could see that he wanted thoroughly looking after,
+and, indeed, that he could hardly be allowed out by
+himself. Now this was very awkward, as his business
+required that he should be out all day, so I proposed
+to accompany him on his rounds. Holding him securely
+fastened to the end of a long cord, I never let him out
+of my sight for more than a minute at a time, and so
+kept him from mischief. After a year or so, however,
+this grew rather tiresome for me, as I had to neglect
+my household duties in attending upon my husband,
+and, in the end, was compelled to let him out again
+alone.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 302px;">
+<a href="images/i_286.jpg"><img src="images/i_286_tn.jpg" width="302" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">Bringing with them a little old man</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'But you may be sure I did not do this until I had
+laid down certain fixed rules for his behaviour, which
+I made him promise to obey. Amongst these, one was
+that he should start from home not a minute earlier
+and not a minute later than eight o'clock in the morning;
+another was, that if he returned either a minute
+earlier or a minute later than eight o'clock in the
+evening, he should go supperless to bed. And, would<!-- Page 217 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span>
+you believe me, in spite of all my care, he would sometimes
+return earlier and, as I learnt afterwards, remain
+outside until the clock struck eight, when he would
+creep in as though he had only just returned?</p>
+
+<p>'But my great trouble only began a few weeks ago,
+when, one evening, having cooked his nightly turnip,
+I waited patiently for my good man's return. At length
+the clock struck eight, and, to my surprise, it was not
+immediately followed by my husband's timid knock.
+One minute passed; two minutes passed; three
+minutes passed; four minutes passed; and, on the
+fifth minute, there was a low knock at the door, and
+in crept the miserable man, and cowered to his place.
+But, as you may suppose, there was no turnip for him
+<i>that</i> night, until he had given a satisfactory explanation
+of his late return. The only excuse the frightened
+little ruffian had to offer was, that he had dropped a
+needle on the road, and had to return for it. So he
+went supperless to bed.</p>
+
+<p>'The next evening, having warmed up the old
+turnip, I again awaited his return. Eight o'clock
+struck, and, to my even greater surprise, it was not
+followed by the merchant's knock, and this time it was
+six minutes past before he entered, and with no better
+excuse for his late arrival than that he had dropped
+a reel of cotton on the road, and had to return for it.
+"Let this be a lesson to you, my man," said I, as I
+once more put away the turnip, which he had been
+regarding with longing eyes, and sent him to bed.<!-- Page 218 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'For the third time, on the following evening, I
+warmed up the turnip, feeling convinced that after the
+severe lesson he had received, my merchant would not
+again serve me such a trick. But eight o'clock struck,
+and then one minute passed; then two, three, four,
+five, six, seven, eight, nine, and as the minute-hand
+pointed to the ten, he crawled in on hands and knees,
+not daring to raise his eyes from the ground. And
+then I told him what I thought of his conduct.</p>
+
+<p><!-- Page 219 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_290.jpg"><img src="images/i_290_tn.jpg" width="400" height="301" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">MOPING ABOUT THE COMMON</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Without waiting to hear a word of explanation, I
+now locked him in a cupboard beneath the stairs, put
+the turnip away, and went to bed. In the morning I
+let him out, but of course gave him no breakfast, and
+in due time he took his tray of goods, and left the
+house without a word. Hardly had he departed three
+minutes, when I hastily donned my bonnet and shawl,
+and followed him, determined to learn, if possible,
+what had delayed him on the three previous evenings.
+Keeping at a safe distance, I followed him all over the
+town, but nothing unusual happened. He called at
+every house, displaying his wares to any one likely to
+buy; selling a ribbon here, perhaps some pins or
+needles there, but his conduct, on the whole, seemed
+harmless enough. At length the day passed by, and
+the merchant started homewards; but he had not
+moved many paces, when he came to a stop, and
+seemed to debate in his mind whether he should
+return or not. Then, looking up and down the road,
+and seeing no one watching him, he suddenly took to
+his heels, and ran as hard as he could in the opposite
+direction. I lost no time in climbing over the wall,
+behind which I had been hiding, and quickly followed
+him. Out of the town the villain ran as swiftly as he
+could go, and I followed as close as possible, without
+being seen by him, and was only just in time to see
+the rogue climb into an old barrel that was standing,
+end up, in a field near the roadway. "Now," thought
+I, "I've got you in a trap, my fine fellow," and I ran
+up to the barrel. I could hardly believe the evidence
+of my eyes when I found it to be quite empty. Amazed<!-- Page 220 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span>
+beyond measure, I at last turned my steps towards
+home.</p>
+
+<p>'On arriving home, I found that my husband had
+not returned, and it was fully twenty minutes past
+eight when at last he appeared, but I was so astonished
+that I could not say a word to the little rascal, and
+once more he went supperless to bed.</p>
+
+<p>'For four more days I followed the little man
+without approaching a solution to this riddle. Each
+day he would go about his business in the usual manner
+and, in the evening, he would run to the barrel, into
+which he would speedily disappear. He came home
+later and later every night, until I could stand this
+state of things no longer; and, on the sixth day I
+determined never to return until I had satisfactorily
+cleared up this mystery. This time, instead of following
+my merchant through the town, I went direct to the
+barrel, and, hiding myself behind a bush near by,
+prepared to wait there all day and see what happened.</p>
+
+<p>'I had not made myself comfortable many minutes
+before I saw two old men coming along the road from
+the town; so old were they indeed, that they could
+only creep along by leaning one against the other.
+Right up to the barrel they crawled, and then, to
+my surprise, they scrambled over its sides and disappeared.
+Presently two more just as old and decrepit
+came along and disappeared in the same way.
+Now three more came, then two again, and then only
+one, all as old and wretched as could be, and each<!-- Page 221 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span>
+one crawled into the barrel and vanished. This went
+on for some time when, unable to restrain my curiosity
+and wondering why on earth the barrel didn't become
+full, I hurriedly left my hiding-place and looked therein,
+to find that it yet remained quite empty. I had
+barely time enough to regain my hiding-place when
+more and more old men came along the road and
+disappeared into the barrel.</p>
+
+<p>'This went on all day, and when the evening drew
+near, I could see my little man approaching from the
+town. As I expected, he walked straight up to the
+barrel, and in a twinkling had vanished inside. Without
+giving myself a moment to think, I once more left
+my hiding-place and climbed into the mysterious old
+tub. It was certainly rather a tight fit, but I managed
+to get in somehow or other. Presently I was astonished
+and alarmed to find that the bottom of the barrel,
+which I had imagined to rest on the earth, began to
+give way and open like a trap-door, and I felt myself
+sinking lower and lower, down a sort of well. The
+next thing, I found myself at the bottom of the well,
+and at the mouth of a tunnel so narrow and low that
+I could only go through it on my hands and knees.
+This, however, I proceeded to do, and found that it
+opened into a great chamber cut out of the solid rock.</p>
+
+<p>'Not daring to enter, I gazed into this strange
+place, which was lighted with many candles all affixed
+to the rocky walls with their own tallow. On the
+centre of the floor was piled a great heap of children's<!-- Page 222 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span>
+toys,&mdash;tin trumpets, wooden horses, drums, hoops,
+skipping-ropes, rocking-horses, peg-tops, in fact, every
+conceivable toy that a sensible child could wish for.
+Around this great heap, instead of children, sat all
+the poor miserable old men I had seen enter the
+barrel, and amongst them I now perceived my
+husband, who certainly seemed no happier than
+the rest. Securely hidden in the narrow passage
+from every one in the room, I could now watch all
+that took place, in the greatest comfort.</p>
+
+<p>'Not a word was said by any of the decrepit
+creatures as they stared absently at the toys in the
+middle of the room. Presently one whom I took to
+be their host, as I had not seen him enter the barrel,
+took from a peg on the wall, from which it had been
+suspended by a piece of string, an old bent tin pipe
+and proceeded to play. At once the wrinkled faces
+of the poor old fellows began to brighten up, and as
+the music grew more lively, they rocked their withered
+frames to and fro to the tunes. Soon, one by one,
+they stood upon their feet, and seeming to lose their
+old age as the music every moment became more
+enchanting, they forgot their feebleness and danced
+gaily about the room.</p>
+
+<p>'Younger and younger they grew, until my husband
+appeared to be such a dapper and bright little man
+that I could not prevent myself from leaving my
+hiding-place and going up to him and clasping him
+round the waist. Not a bit surprised did he seem to<!-- Page 223 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span>
+see me there, and as we danced merrily up and down
+the room, to my great joy and astonishment, I felt
+myself growing younger every moment, whilst the
+rest of the company, now all transformed to fine
+young men, danced in one circle round us, as handsome
+a couple as you would wish to see.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_294.jpg"><img src="images/i_294_tn.jpg" width="400" height="345" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">KEPT HIM OUT OF MISCHIEF</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Still the magical music continued, and if anything
+grew more and more enchanting as we grew younger
+and younger, until we seemed to be frolicsome boys<!-- Page 224 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span>
+and girls once more. At last we found ourselves to
+be a crowd of little toddling children, and, my word!
+how we grabbed at the great heap of toys placed there
+for our amusement, and what a time we had to be
+sure!</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_295.jpg"><img src="images/i_295_tn.jpg" width="400" height="149" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">GLORIOUS TARTS AND SWEETS</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Under the great heap of toys, we discovered the
+most glorious tarts, pastries, cakes and sweets, and it
+didn't seem to matter how much you ate of them, for
+you never lost your appetite for more. At last, alas!
+the wonderful music quieted down, and by degrees we
+once more lost our childhood, then our youth, and,
+when the music suddenly stopped, we all returned to
+our old selves again, and fell flat on our faces quite
+tired out, while our host hung up his old tin pipe on
+its peg in the wall.</p>
+
+<p>'When we had all somewhat recovered, I fixed my
+eye upon my husband. "Now," thought I, "I've got
+you. This is how you waste your time, is it? And
+why you come home late for supper." The conscience-stricken<!-- Page 225 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span>
+creature trembled before my gaze, and then
+made a rush for the door. All made way for him, but
+I quickly followed through the tunnel and mounted a
+ladder which led to the trap-door at the bottom of the
+barrel, out of which I climbed, but only in time to see
+the rascal disappear into the town. I then made the
+best of my way home.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_296.jpg"><img src="images/i_296_tn.jpg" width="400" height="140" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">IT DIDN&#39;T MATTER HOW MUCH YOU ATE</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'He had not returned when I arrived, so I waited
+three whole days and nights, prepared to make the
+unnatural man feel to the full my resentment at his
+shameful conduct. On the fourth day, as he had not
+come home, I went back to the tub, and not seeing
+any sign of him, I gave a kick to the old thing and
+sent it rolling over and over on its side. Would
+you believe me, there was not the slightest trace of
+any passage or well ever having existed beneath it.
+Since then I have wandered all over the country
+in search of this ungrateful wretch.' And the indignant
+woman, having finished her story, once more<!-- Page 226 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span>
+attempted to drag the affrighted little merchant
+away. Bill again intervened, and after a few very
+kind words, successfully persuaded her to allow her
+husband to remain with them, at the same time
+inviting her to make one of their brave band.</p>
+
+<p>This she only consented to do on condition that
+the policeman also never left them, 'as you never know,'
+said she, 'what the little wretch will be up to next.'</p>
+
+<p>The policeman having no objection to fall in with
+her wishes, they all marched on in peace.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_297.jpg"><img src="images/i_297_tn.jpg" width="400" height="303" alt="" title="TAILPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 227 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span></p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 298px;">
+<a href="images/i_298.jpg"><img src="images/i_298_tn.jpg" width="298" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE-PAGE [The Camp-Followers]" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 228 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 176px;">
+<a href="images/i_299.jpg"><img src="images/i_299_tn.jpg" width="176" height="400" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+<h2><a name="THE_CAMP-FOLLOWERS" id="THE_CAMP-FOLLOWERS"></a>THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS</h2>
+
+
+<p>Time was now getting on, and the fidgety old
+King, weary of being constantly on the move,
+became more and more impatient to reach
+his journey's end. For many days they had been<!-- Page 229 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span>
+crossing the great desert, and were fast approaching
+the further side when, one evening, the aggravating
+old fellow decided that they should march on right
+through the night. In vain did Bill point out to him
+how tired they all were; the old King would not even
+listen to him, so, whether they liked it or not, they
+had to jog on.</p>
+
+<p>Wearily they trudged along, and towards morning
+they came upon a great stone sphinx, in the arms of
+which there nestled a company of little children, every
+one of whom was fast asleep. Presently, as the sun
+rose and shone under the lids of their eyes, they, one
+by one, awakened, and stared in mute astonishment
+at the dusty figures before them. Assuring them that
+they had nothing to fear at their hands, Bill, with
+the King's permission, invited them all to breakfast.
+Seated in a great circle on the sands, beneath the old
+sphinx, every one did his utmost to make the strangers
+comfortable and to remove their natural shyness; and,
+in a little while, it was a very jovial party that sat
+demolishing the substantial breakfast prepared for
+them. Many songs were sung and stories told by Bill
+and his comrades, and presently one of the little fellows,
+who appeared to be the youngest of their new friends,
+stood up and related the following story:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'We are all brothers and sisters, and lived, until
+yesterday, with our good parents upon a sandbank in
+the mouth of the river Blim which, as you know, is one
+of the smaller tributaries of the river Nile. Our father<!-- Page 230 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span>
+was a fisherman, and upon the only spot on the bank
+which remained invariably high and dry, the clever
+man had erected a shed which served us for home,
+and which, at least, protected us from the showers of
+spray blown from the rough seas, and the chill winds
+that blew across the neighbouring marshes, as well as
+the cold rains that, in the fall of the year, flooded the
+adjacent country for miles around. A dozen stout
+beams, that had been cast up by the waves, served,
+each with one end deeply embedded in the wet sand,
+as a framework for our humble mansion. These were
+covered over with numerous skins of fish and pieces
+of old rag, all neatly stitched together by our industrious
+mother, or pinned by fish-bones skilfully
+sharpened by grinding their ends between two stones.
+Our good dad's stock-in-trade consisted of one long
+piece of frayed string, with a sharpened fishbone, bent
+in the form of a hook, fastened at one end, a small
+boat and a paddle, the former of which he had skilfully
+fashioned out of an old basket that had been washed
+ashore, and over which he had stretched more of
+the rags and fish-skins, of which we always possessed
+a goodly supply saved over from our meals.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 299px;">
+<a href="images/i_304.jpg"><img src="images/i_304_tn.jpg" width="299" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">They came upon a great stone sphinx</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'During the long winter months we were entirely
+cut off from our fellow creatures by the floods and the
+terrible storms at sea, and were compelled to subsist
+entirely upon our own resources; and thus we learnt,
+after many a bitter trial, to make almost everything
+we required from the spoils brought home by our<!-- Page 231 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span>
+hard-working father. The flesh of the fish, of course,
+served us for meat, either fresh or pickled in brine,
+and then dried in the sun. The roes, prepared in the
+same way, were our only delicacies, and, by an indulgence
+in these, we used to celebrate our many birthdays.
+Fish dripping we had in plenty, and the bones
+were dried and ground between two rocks, making the
+finest flour for bread and pies. The tails and fins were
+always saved, and, after a simple drying process, made
+excellent fuel, easily set alight with sparks kindled by
+knocking two stones sharply together. A fine black
+ash was left from fires kindled in this way, which,
+mixed with a little sea-water, made one of the purest
+inks. The good dad always encouraged us to make
+notes on the smooth white skins of the young dab,
+bleached and dried in the sun, explaining how useful
+they would be to us in after-life, and showed us how
+to cut pens from the larger bones of the fish. The
+only parts which the unselfish man reserved for himself
+were the eyes which, when dried, were his only
+substitute for tobacco in that lone part of the world,
+and which he smoked in a pipe most beautifully carved
+by himself, from the spine of an old cod.</p>
+
+<p>'The heads of the fish served the younger children
+for bricks, or even, after a little trimming, for dolls,
+with which they amused themselves during the long
+winter evenings. Many another device had we whereby
+we made the most of our very small opportunities, but
+you will readily see how dependent we were for everything<!-- Page 232 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span>
+upon the good fortune and resources of our
+father, without whom we should all very quickly have
+perished.</p>
+
+<p>'For many days and nights at a time our good dad
+would remain upon the sea, returning sometimes with
+a good supply of fish; at other times, alas! with only
+one or two little dabs, or even with nothing at all.
+Yet, by dint of saving up for a rainy day, when we had
+more than enough for our present needs, we managed
+to jog along fairly comfortably. One sad winter's
+evening, however, our good parent returned, having
+caught nothing but a very small dab and a very severe
+cold. Our anxious mother, in a state of alarm, lit a
+great fire and, after making him take a bowl of steaming
+fish gruel, with his feet at the same time in a bath
+of hot sea-water, she sent him to bed, and covered him
+up with as many fish skins as she could spare from the
+house. The next day he was decidedly worse, and our
+anxiety increased day by day as he showed no signs of
+improvement. Very soon, with no one to replenish
+our larder, our stores began to run low, and starvation
+stared us in the face.</p>
+
+<p>'At last one morning the invalid called our eldest
+brother to him and said to him:&mdash;"Son, our stores are
+all eaten up, and unless we obtain food by to-morrow
+morning we shall all surely die, so take my boat and
+fishing-line and see what luck will attend you."
+With tears in his eyes, the good-hearted boy left the
+house and very soon embarked.<!-- Page 233 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_308.jpg"><img src="images/i_308_tn.jpg" width="400" height="291" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">THE HEADS SERVED FOR DOLLS</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Having paddled some way out to sea, he threw
+his line, and fished and fished. After a little while he
+drew it in again to find, alas! that he had caught
+nothing. For the second time he cast his line, and
+fished and fished and fished, but on again pulling in
+the line he found that he had no better luck. He
+now for the third time threw out his line, and fished
+and fished and fished and fished, yet no better fortune
+attended him; so, bitterly disappointed, he wound up
+the tackle and paddled home.</p>
+
+<p>'Sorrowfully the unhappy father heard of his eldest
+son's want of success, and then sent for his second<!-- Page 234 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</a></span>
+eldest son, and requested him to see if fortune would
+be kinder to him than it had been to his brother.
+But, alas! he returned likewise without even so much
+as a whitebait. Then, one after the other, he sent all
+his sons except myself, who am the youngest of all,
+but not a little piece of luck awaited any of them.
+The wretched man now called me to him and said:&mdash;"Son,
+hitherto I have been reluctant to send one so
+young upon such an errand, but, alack-a-day! you are
+now our only hope; unless good fortune waits upon
+you we shall all perish."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_309.jpg"><img src="images/i_309_tn.jpg" width="400" height="135" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">YOU ARE NOW OUR ONLY HOPE</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'After comforting him as much as I could, and
+assuring him that I would do my best, I hastened
+down to the shore and embarked in the little boat. I
+paddled a good way out to sea until I came to a
+suitable fishing-ground, and then threw out my line.
+I fished and fished and fished and fished, and on
+drawing in my line found nothing on the hook except
+the bait, a wretched piece of dried fish skin, which
+looked very draggled as it rose from the water.<!-- Page 235 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</a></span>
+"Better luck next time," thought I, as I threw my
+line for the second time, and fished and fished and
+fished and fished and fished. Yet, on pulling up
+the line, I found to my dismay that instead of
+better luck I had even worse, if that were possible,
+for the wretched bait had vanished from the hook.
+"Once more," thought I, as I dropped my line overboard
+for the third time, "and, fish or no fish, I must
+give it up, even though we all die of starvation." So
+I fished and fished and fished and fished and fished
+with all my might, and when at length I had hauled it
+in you may imagine my distress when I discovered that
+not merely was there no fish upon the line, but that
+the hook itself had disappeared. With tears of rage
+and disappointment I now gave it up and prepared
+to return, but I had not gone very far when I thought,
+"Shall I have just one more try even without hook or
+bait?" And not giving myself any time to think
+about it, I hurled my line out for the fourth time
+and fished and fished and fished and fished and fished
+and fished and fished as hard as I could, when fancying
+that I felt a nibble, I hauled it in as quickly as
+possible and found an old sardine-tin which had
+become entangled in the line.</p>
+
+<p>'Hastily opening the tin, all I found therein was
+the head of an old sprat. "Alas!" said I to myself,
+"is this, after all my troubles, the only food I can take
+to my suffering father and hungering mother and
+brothers and sisters; better it would have been had<!-- Page 236 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</a></span>
+we never been born!" and the tears streamed down
+my face.</p>
+
+<p>'As I bent low over my miserable catch a great
+shadow passed across the boat and suddenly looking
+up, I beheld a beautiful albatross sailing in the sky
+above me. No sooner did the graceful creature catch
+sight of the head of the sprat than it swooped down
+upon the tin that contained it, snatching it from my
+hands, and flew off with it as speedily as possible.
+Now it happened I had not let go my hold on the
+line, the other end of which was still fastened to
+the tin, so that in a very few minutes I felt myself
+lifted bodily up and whirled through the air and out
+to sea at a great speed. Dangling many feet beneath
+the great bird, on and on I was carried over the
+tops of the waves, in the greatest anxiety lest the
+marauding fowl should take a lower flight, in which
+case I should inevitably have been plunged into the
+sea and drowned.</p>
+
+<p>'How many miles we travelled thus it would be
+impossible for me to tell, but at length my arms grew
+tired of holding on and supporting my weight, and I
+began to fear every moment that I should slip off into
+the sea, when I beheld a fishing-boat in the distance,
+right in our course. Hoping that we should reach it
+before my strength gave out I anxiously watched the
+vessel as we gradually drew near. At last I found
+myself directly over the boat, and shutting my eyes, I
+let go my hold on the line, and dropped down right<!-- Page 237 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 237]</a></span>
+on to a pile of fish in the middle of the deck, sending
+them flying in all directions amongst the astonished
+fisherman.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_312.jpg"><img src="images/i_312_tn.jpg" width="400" height="345" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">I FISHED AND FISHED AND FISHED</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'My remarkable appearance amongst them had the
+most astonishing effect upon the fishermen. They
+one and all leapt into the sea, and notwithstanding
+my endeavours to entice them back to the boat, and
+to explain to them my sudden descent upon their
+vessel, the affrighted creatures swam off to the<!-- Page 238 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 238]</a></span>
+distant shore, which, let us hope, they reached in
+safety.</p>
+
+<p>'Looking around me I now discovered, to my great
+joy, that the boat was full of the finest fish, so, seizing
+the oars, I turned her head towards home, where I
+arrived with my prize on the following morning, after
+a hard night's work, rowing the heavily-laden craft to
+shore.</p>
+
+<p>'The rejoicings were great, as you may well
+imagine, when my good parents and brothers and
+sisters beheld me again, for all had given me up for
+lost, our old boat having been washed ashore the
+previous evening. A great meal of fish was prepared
+as soon as possible, at which we all ate heartily after
+so long a fast, and the old gentleman's condition was
+greatly improved by the meal.</p>
+
+<p>'Long before the large supply of food had been
+consumed, the good living and comfort had restored
+our dad's health, and he was able to resume his fishing.
+Being now so much better equipped with the fine
+boat in which I had returned, and with the splendid
+tackle we discovered therein, good luck always attended
+his fishing and we never wanted any more.</p>
+
+<p>'In the course of time it became necessary that
+their children should all leave them and seek their
+fortunes, and only yesterday morning, with many
+tears, we bade adieu to our kind-hearted parents
+and started on our journey.'</p>
+
+<p>The young strangers were now all thoroughly<!-- Page 239 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 239]</a></span>
+refreshed by their breakfast, and learning the nature
+of the campaign upon which the King and his army
+were engaged, willingly offered their assistance as
+camp-followers, or in any other way that they might
+be useful. The King very gratefully accepted their
+services, and before resuming the march the whole
+army went out of their way and visited the kindly
+fisherman. The King was pleased to confer many
+honours on the old fellow, and, before leaving him,
+promised to look after his numerous family, and in
+the future to provide for all their wants.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_314.jpg"><img src="images/i_314_tn.jpg" width="400" height="143" alt="" title="TAILPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 240 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 240]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 164px;">
+<a href="images/i_315.jpg"><img src="images/i_315_tn.jpg" width="164" height="300" alt="" title="VIGNETTE" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 241 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 241]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<a href="images/i_316.jpg"><img src="images/i_316_tn.jpg" width="300" height="400" alt="" title="TITLE-PAGE [The Seige of Troy]" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 242 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 242]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_317.jpg"><img src="images/i_317_tn.jpg" width="400" height="345" alt="" title="HEADPIECE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+<h2><a name="THE_SIEGE_OF_TROY" id="THE_SIEGE_OF_TROY"></a>THE SIEGE OF TROY</h2>
+
+
+<p>Early one fine morning, before the soldiers
+had arisen, the King, in a very excited state,
+called his general to his bedside and, pointing
+through the opening of his tent, said:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'Bill, can you see, far away upon the horizon, that
+little point of light?' And Bill, straining his eyes in
+the direction indicated, was indeed able to detect
+a little flash, as though the sun were shining upon
+a cucumber frame many miles away.</p>
+
+<p>'Well,' said the old man, 'that is the reflection of
+the sun upon the dome of my palace in Troy.'<!-- Page 243 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 243]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Bill, delighted that at last they were nearing their
+journey's end, went off and awakened the camp with
+the glad news, and all came running out and gazed in
+the direction of Troy; and so heartened were the
+brave fellows at the sight that they gave three resounding
+cheers.</p>
+
+<p>Their eagerness to be off was so great that there
+was no breakfast that morning, and soon performing
+a hurried toilet, and speedily packing up their sticks,
+they were on the move once more. The King's excitement
+knew no bounds and, after distributing amongst
+his followers the contents of his pocket, he insisted on
+climbing out of his chariot, and giving each of his
+officers in turn a ride therein. Having travelled some
+little way, the King suddenly called a halt, and held
+up his hand for silence, and then, in the clear air,
+could be heard the bells of Troy! More excited than
+ever, the King now took off his crown, and removing
+some of the jewels with the pen-knife which Bill had
+presented to him on his birthday, gave one to each of
+his chief officers.</p>
+
+<p>In a little time the towers of Troy came into view,
+on the further edge of the great plain they were crossing,
+and the elated King, quite beside himself with joy
+and expectation at this glorious sight, stood upon the
+seat of his chariot and danced, much to the alarm of
+Boadicea, who was wheeling him. He then sat down
+again, and, taking off his slippers, he threw them, one
+by one, as high into the air as he could, and caught<!-- Page 244 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 244]</a></span>
+them as they descended. As they came nearer and
+nearer to their goal the old fellow's spirits rose to
+such a pitch that something really had to be done, so
+the musician was told-off to play soothing tunes to
+him, and in time the excitable creature calmed down,
+only, however, to break out again when they halted
+that night before the walls of Troy. At last, to keep
+him quiet once and for all, and out of everybody's way,
+they put him to bed with a soothing-draught made up
+by the doctor.</p>
+
+<p>The approach of the gallant fellows had been
+closely observed from the watch-towers of the city, and,
+in consequence, they found the gates fast closed when
+they halted before them. And, as nothing could be
+done that night, they fixed up their camp and retired
+to rest.</p>
+
+<p>On the following morning, Bill sent the merchant's
+wife as an ambassadress into the city, to demand its instant
+surrender, and very gladly she undertook the task.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 301px;">
+<a href="images/i_322.jpg"><img src="images/i_322_tn.jpg" width="301" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">Closely observed from the watch towers</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'This is quite in my line,' said she, as she knocked
+for admittance at the gate, through which she was
+admitted after a little delay. Bill waited anxiously
+for her reappearance, hoping that the King of Persia
+would be wise enough to give up the city without
+further trouble, but suddenly a great roar resounded
+from the other side of the walls, and almost immediately
+afterwards the ambassadress, with tufts of the
+Persian King's hair held between her clenched fingers,
+was thrown out of the gates.<!-- Page 245 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 245]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>'There's nothing for it now,' thought Bill, 'but to
+lay siege to the place,' and he at once proceeded to
+walk round the city and examine the nature of the
+ground; after which he mustered his whole force
+before him, and disposed them according to the
+accompanying plan:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_324.jpg"><img src="images/i_324_tn.jpg" width="400" height="339" alt="" title="PLAN OF SEIGE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<p>In this way Bill completely surrounded the city,
+allowing no provisions of any kind to enter, and prepared
+to wait until the inhabitants had exhausted all
+their stores, and could hold out no longer.<!-- Page 246 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 246]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>These were the instructions of General Bill to his
+army, to be faithfully carried out during the siege:&mdash;</p>
+
+<blockquote><p>1. That the King was not to be allowed out of his
+tent on any account, in spite of his impatience.</p>
+
+<p>2. That, with the exception of the general and the
+scout, no warrior was allowed, without his
+officers permission, to leave his post, day or
+night, during the siege, and if any one were
+discovered sleeping without one eye open, his
+allowance of sugar for porridge next morning
+was to be stopped.</p>
+
+<p>3. That the scout was to be continually on the
+move.</p>
+
+<p>4. That Boadicea was to prepare all the meals, and
+that at each meal time she was to take the
+food she had cooked to the soldiers (an extra
+large portion being always reserved for the
+King).</p>
+
+<p>5. That every morning, with breakfast, she was to
+take to each his boots brightly polished, a
+bowl of hot water to wash in, and a comb, and
+that every evening she should bring them
+their slippers and their night-shirts.</p></blockquote>
+
+<p>For three years the siege went on, in quite a
+peaceful and, at times, even a pleasant way, with no
+sign at all of the Trojans feeling any discomfort; in
+fact, since the Merchant's Wife had been turned from<!-- Page 247 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 247]</a></span>
+the city, not a sound had been heard from within
+the walls.</p>
+
+<p>Now it happened one morning, about this time,
+that the gates, to every one's surprise, were thrown
+open, and a messenger, with a flag of truce, came
+forth. The poor fellow looked hungry enough, indeed,
+yet the Merchant's Wife roughly seized upon the
+famished creature, much to his annoyance, and
+brought him to the general. Bill, hoping that he
+had come with an offer from the King of Persia to
+surrender the city, joyfully handed the young man a
+chair and a biscuit, and, before allowing him to speak,
+insisted on his eating a bowl of hot porridge. When
+he had hungrily demolished the food, Bill kindly
+invited him to deliver his message, which, in a hesitating
+manner, he thus proceeded to do:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'The King of Persia sends greetings to his dear old
+friend, the King of Troy, and wishes to assure him
+that he bears no ill-will towards him. On the contrary,
+his happiest moments are spent in recalling
+those far-off times when, as young children, they
+played the livelong day together, in good-will and
+friendliness. He also begs him, for a few minutes,
+to allow his natural kindness to overcome his enmity,
+and send his old friend, now faint with hunger,
+enough suet to make just a little pudding for himself.'</p>
+
+<p>Bill, a trifle disappointed, took the message to the
+King of Troy, who seemed very much affected on
+hearing it.<!-- Page 248 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 248]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_327.jpg"><img src="images/i_327_tn.jpg" width="400" height="179" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">THESE PARCELS WERE NOW LABELLED</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>'Give the old fellow a cracknel,' roared he, 'and
+tell him that if he surrenders the city at once, he can
+have as nice a snack of dinner as he could wish.'</p>
+
+<p>The messenger returned to the city with the
+message and the cracknel, and Bill waited all through
+the day and night, but no word came from the city.</p>
+
+<p>After breakfast next morning, when, as Bill thought,
+the King of Persia would be feeling hungry, he called
+to him the nine stout sons of Crispin and Chloe and
+then summoned to him the Merchant's Wife and the
+Sicilian Char-woman, and between them they managed
+to wrap up each of the brave lads in brown paper,
+properly secured with strong string, making nine very
+neat parcels. The general had previously instructed
+the brave fellows how to act at the right moment, and
+in the meantime to remain perfectly still. These
+parcels were now labelled severally lemon cheese cake,
+fairy cakes, rock cakes, Jumbles, raspberry noyeau,<!-- Page 249 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 249]</a></span>
+mince pies, Pontefract cakes and peppermint cushions,
+and then all neatly piled upon the King's wheeling-chair,
+which Bill had borrowed for the purpose.</p>
+
+<p>Solemnly preceded by Bill, the Merchant's Wife
+and the Char-woman (being the two strongest people
+in the forces) now wheeled the chair up to the gates,
+in front of which they emptied its contents.</p>
+
+<p>The hungry Trojans had observed their approach,
+from the walls above which could now be seen innumerable
+heads popping up and down, and no sooner
+did they see what the chair was supposed to contain
+than they climbed down, and without any hesitation
+opened the gates. Bill then spoke to the Trojans in
+the following words:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>'The King of Troy sends greetings to the King of
+Persia and hearing that his stores are exhausted, and,
+although at war with him, not wishing that he should
+suffer any serious discomfort, begs his acceptance of
+these provisions.' Bill and the two ladies now retired
+with the empty wheeling-chair and took up their
+position before the walls once more.</p>
+
+<p>In the meanwhile the parcels were taken into the
+city and presented to the King of Persia who was
+then sitting, with the whole of his court, hungrily
+wondering what was going to happen next. The
+parcels were heaped up before him, and he could
+hardly conceal his delight and eagerness to begin on
+the victuals at once. All his courtiers too seemed
+quite inclined to forget their manners and help themselves<!-- Page 250 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 250]</a></span>
+before they were asked. The King now took
+up the largest parcel, labelled Pontefract cakes, which
+happened to contain Hannibal, when at a given signal
+each one of the courageous young fellows broke from
+his confinement and at once set on those around him.
+Hannibal and Noah seized the Persian King and
+bound him securely with some of the string from the
+parcels; each of the other brave sons of Crispin bound
+some minister or courtier in the same way, and the
+rest of the court fled from the palace in abject terror.</p>
+
+<p>The nine lads now gave chase, and the panic which
+possessed the affrighted courtiers spread, in no time,
+through the city, and the whole of the inhabitants were
+soon fleeing before the infuriated fellows.</p>
+
+<p>Possessed with the idea that their pursuers were
+in much greater force than they really were, the scared
+wretches made for the gates of the city, out of which
+they ran as hard as they could. Bill, the General,
+wisely allowed them to pass through his lines, which
+they did in the maddest terror, and then fled far away
+over the plain, as the besieging forces once more
+closed in around the city.</p>
+
+<p>Seeing that the gates still remained open, Bill now
+marshalled his gallant army, and in one grand procession
+led them into the city.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 364px;">
+<a href="images/i_330.jpg"><img src="images/i_330_tn.jpg" width="364" height="400" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">AND PACKED HIM OFF TO PERSIA</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>In front of all solemnly marched the General; then
+the Real Soldier; then the Merchant's Wife; then
+the Sicilian Char-woman, proudly waving her flag;
+then followed a number of Bill's charges, the Ancient<!-- Page 252 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 252]</a></span><!-- Page 251 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 251]</a></span>
+Mariner, the Doctor, Camp-followers, the Musician
+playing triumphant music on his concertina, more
+Camp-followers, the Respectable Gentleman, the Scout,
+the Wild Man, yet more Camp-followers, the Merchant,
+and, last of all, preceded by the graceful Triplets, came
+the proud and glad old King himself, wheeled in
+great state by the faithful Boadicea, and guarded by
+the principal policeman of Troutpeg. The nine stout
+sons of Crispin, together with the remaining children,
+formed a guard of honour, extending from the city
+gates as far as the front door of the Palace, into which
+the excited and Royal old creature entered at last
+amid the cheers of his gallant followers.</p>
+
+<p>His first act was to release the King of Persia, and
+after accepting very graciously his humble and sincere
+apologies for his unkindness, the clement old fellow
+gave him a good breakfast and packed him off to
+Persia. In a like kindly manner he treated the
+courtiers, after they had all suitably begged his pardon;
+and the inhabitants, who came trooping back as soon
+as they heard how graciously the rightful King was
+behaving, one and all clamoured to shake the delighted
+old monarch by the hand and pay their homage
+to him.</p>
+
+<p>Thus, after all his trials and privations, this Royal
+and kindly creature was restored to his throne. The
+crown was done up and beautifully polished, and the
+old King once more crowned in great state. To show
+his gratitude to his brave and faithful followers he<!-- Page 253 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 253]</a></span>
+appointed them all (with the exception of the Triplets,
+who soon returned to Blowdripping) to places of
+honour in his court. Thus:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="center">
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="">
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Bill</span>,</td><td align="left">Commander-in-chief of the Army.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">The Real Soldier</span>,</td><td align="left">General under Bill.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">The Scout</span>,</td><td align="left">Officer of the Army.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Nine Sons of Crispin</span>,</td><td align="left">Bodyguard to the King.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">The Camp-Followers and others</span></td><td align="left">The Army.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Boadicea</span>,</td><td align="left">Royal Housekeeper.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Ancient Mariner</span>,</td><td align="left">Admiral of the Fleet.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Sicilian Char-woman</span>,</td><td align="left">Head Char-woman to Royal Household.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">The Merchant's Wife</span>,</td><td align="left">Superintendent of the Prison.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">The Doctor</span>,</td><td align="left">Court Physician.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Ptolemy Jenkinson</span>,</td><td align="left">King's Valet.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Respectable Gentleman</span>,</td><td align="left">Master of Good Behaviour to the Royal Household.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Long Man</span>,</td><td align="left">Hall Porter at Royal Palace.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Musician</span>,</td><td align="left">Court Musician.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Wild Man</span>,</td><td align="left">Park Keeper.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Policeman</span>,</td><td align="left">Preserver of the Peace.</td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<a href="images/i_332.jpg"><img src="images/i_332_tn.jpg" width="400" height="297" alt="" title="" /></a>
+<span class="caption">TROY BECAME THE HAPPIEST TOWN</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><!-- Page 254 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 254]</a></span></p>
+<p>With such a gallant court and brave army around
+him the dear old man was saved from further troubles
+in his State during the remainder of his long and
+happy reign. In fact Troy became the very happiest
+town in the world, and the old King's noble followers
+were so contented with their lot that they never again
+left the city of Troy.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><!-- Page 255 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 255]</a></span></p>
+<h2>THE END</h2>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 291px;">
+<a href="images/i_334.jpg"><img src="images/i_334_tn.jpg" width="291" height="400" alt="" title="THE END" /></a>
+</div>
+<p><!-- Page 256 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 256]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 190px;">
+<a href="images/i_335.jpg"><img src="images/i_335_tn.jpg" width="190" height="400" alt="" title="VIGNETTE" /></a>
+</div>
+
+<div class="trans-note">
+<a name="TRANS_NOTES_2" id="TRANS_NOTES_2"></a><p class="center"><b>Transcriber's Notes</b></p>
+
+<p>The only intentional changes to the text were as follows where the following typographical or printer's errors were corrected:</p>
+
+<p>Page 25: deleted hyphen in 'cocoa-nut' (the slabs of cocoanut ice)</p>
+
+<p>Page 149: added missing quotation mark at end of the paragraph (...my great courage and astute generalship.')</p>
+
+<p>Page 247: Missing close single quote added (...to make just a little pudding for himself.')</p>
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Bill the Minder, by W. Heath Robinson
+
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Bill the Minder, by W. Heath Robinson
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Bill the Minder
+
+Author: W. Heath Robinson
+
+Illustrator: W. Heath Robinson
+
+Release Date: August 29, 2010 [EBook #33570]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BILL THE MINDER ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Simon Gardner, Chris Curnow and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
+file was produced from images generously made available
+by The Internet Archive)
+
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Note
+
+Where changes have been made to the text these are listed at the end of
+the book.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: cover art]
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: frontispiece]
+
+   BILL THE MINDER
+
+    _Written and
+   illustrated by_
+
+      W.HEATH
+      ROBINSON
+
+      NEW YORK
+  HENRY HOLT & CO.
+        1912
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Edinburgh: T. and A. CONSTABLE, Printers to His Majesty
+
+  TO
+
+  THE GOOD CHILDREN
+  OF CHLOE AND CRISPIN
+  THE GATHERER OF
+  MUSHROOMS---CHAD,
+  HANNIBAL, QUENTIN,
+  RANDALL, NOAH, RATCHETT,
+  NERO, BIDDULPH,
+  KNUT, AND THE TRULY
+  VIRTUOUS AND BEAUTIFUL
+  BOADICEA, THIS
+  BOOK IS MOST HUMBLY
+  AND RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED
+  BY THE FAITHFUL
+  NARRATOR OF THEIR
+  EVER-WONDERFUL ADVENTURES.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+
+                                                               PAGE
+
+  BILL THE MINDER                                                 1
+
+  THE KING OF TROY                                               15
+
+  THE ANCIENT MARINER                                            33
+
+  THE TRIPLETS                                                   51
+
+  GOOD AUNT GALLADIA                                             65
+
+  THE DOCTOR                                                     79
+
+  THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN                                      97
+
+  THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN                                       115
+
+  THE INTERVAL                                                  133
+
+  THE REAL SOLDIER                                              147
+
+  THE WILD MAN                                                  165
+
+  THE MUSICIAN                                                  183
+
+  THE LOST GROCER                                               199
+
+  THE MERCHANT'S WIFE                                           213
+
+  THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS                                            227
+
+  THE SIEGE OF TROY                                             241
+
+  THE END                                                       255
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+
+
+LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+
+COLOURED PLATES
+
+
+  FRONTISPIECE
+
+  THE KING OF TROY COMPELLED TO ASK HIS WAY     _To face page_   30
+
+  THE SPORT OF EVERY MER-KID                          "          48
+
+  HE WAS ALWAYS AT HAND                               "          58
+
+  I FELL FROM MY POSITION                             "          72
+
+  THE LORD MAYOR HELD A LONG COUNCIL                  "          88
+
+  THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN                           "         110
+
+  BASIL HERBERT DEVELOPS A CHILBLAIN                  "         122
+
+  AND LEFT HIM TO HAVE HIS CRY OUT                    "         140
+
+  REGINALD COMPLETELY LOST HIS TEMPER                 "         156
+
+  HARMLESS INDEED WERE OUR JOYS                       "         168
+
+  AND PLAYED IT FOR MY DELIGHT                        "         190
+
+  FOLLOWED HIM AT THE GREATEST SPEED                  "         208
+
+  BRINGING WITH THEM A LITTLE OLD MAN                 "         216
+
+  THEY CAME UPON A GREAT STONE SPHINX                 "         230
+
+  CLOSELY OBSERVED FROM THE WATCH TOWERS              "         244
+
+
+BILL THE MINDER
+
+                                                               PAGE
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                      1
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                       2
+
+  HIS HOWLS BECAME TERRIFIC                                       7
+
+  ALWAYS INVENTING NEW WAYS OF MINDING                           10
+
+  YOUNG TOOTH-CUTTERS FORGOT THEIR TROUBLES                      11
+
+  THE ONLY MINDER OF THE DISTRICT                                13
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                      14
+
+
+  THE KING OF TROY
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                     15
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                      16
+
+  HE CLIMBED THE RICK                                            18
+
+  HE COMMENCED HIS TALE                                          21
+
+  WHAT A TIME WE HAD                                             26
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                      31
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                       32
+
+
+  THE ANCIENT MARINER
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                     33
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                      34
+
+  I SIGN ON AS CABIN BOY                                         39
+
+  I WENT ON WITH MY SANDWICHES                                   42
+
+  FOR YEARS WE SAILED                                            47
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                      49
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                       50
+
+
+  THE TRIPLETS
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                     51
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                      52
+
+  ENDEAVOURING TO COMFORT THE OLD MAN                            55
+
+  WE GREW UP IN COMPARATIVE HAPPINESS                            58
+
+  THE TRIPLETS ACCOMPANY THE ARMY                                63
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                      64
+
+
+  GOOD AUNT GALLADIA
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                     65
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                      66
+
+  I JUST MANAGED TO REACH THE EGGS                               71
+
+  I ANGLE THE AIR                                                72
+
+  I ERECTED MY POLE ON THE SAND                                  73
+
+  ITS OLD STATELY SELF AGAIN                                     75
+
+
+  THE DOCTOR
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                     79
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                      80
+
+  FAR SOONER HAVE THE MUMPS                                      83
+
+  THE PUFF BAKER                                                 87
+
+  TREATED WITH DELICIOUS JALAPS                                  88
+
+  AS SOME PATIENT PREPARED HIS DOSE                              89
+
+  THE VERY SPARROWS GREW THIN                                    91
+
+  POSTCARD                                                       94
+
+  POSTCARD                                                       95
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                      96
+
+
+  THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                     97
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                      98
+
+  BOWING POLITELY TO THE PILLAR-BOXES                           103
+
+  THE CHURCH STEEPLE HAD BEEN REMOVED                           104
+
+  STANDING ALONE UPON THE WALL                                  106
+
+  DANGLING BY HIS LEGS                                          109
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                     113
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                      114
+
+
+  THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    115
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     116
+
+  I TOOK LEAVE OF MY SORROWING FATHER                           120
+
+  HARDLY DISGUISING HIS EFFORTS TO IGNORE ME                    121
+
+  THEY WERE COMPELLED TO SEND FOR A PHYSICIAN                   125
+
+  THE IMPROVEMENT WAS MAINTAINED                                129
+
+  DISCOVERED A CLOVE KERNEL                                     130
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                      132
+
+
+  THE INTERVAL
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    133
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     134
+
+  I FELL ON TO THE PARSNIP                                      137
+
+  THEY ALL ONCE MORE STARTED                                    138
+
+  ON THEIR ADVENTUROUS JOURNEY                                  139
+
+  THE WHOLE CAMP WAS FAST ASLEEP                                142
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                     145
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                      146
+
+
+  THE REAL SOLDIER
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    147
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     148
+
+  THE REAL SOLDIER                                              153
+
+  'BUT HOLD!' CRIED THE PRESIDENT                               156
+
+  'YOUR FATE BE UPON YOUR OWN HEAD'                             157
+
+  FLOUNDERING ABOUT IN THE SEA                                  159
+
+  IN EXPECTATION OF THEIR LEADER                                161
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                     163
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                      164
+
+
+  THE WILD MAN
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    165
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     166
+
+  I PLEADED MY CASE                                             169
+
+  AND KILLED IT ON THE SPOT                                     173
+
+  WE COOKED ONE GREAT STEAK                                     177
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                     181
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                      182
+
+
+  THE MUSICIAN
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    183
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     184
+
+  SHE NOW MADE OFF TO THE WOODS                                 189
+
+  HE WOULD CLIMB TO THE TOPMOST BRANCHES                        190
+
+  SWEEPING THE DEAD LEAVES                                      195
+
+  WITH NO OTHER WEALTH THAN MY CONCERTINA                       197
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                     198
+
+
+  THE LOST GROCER
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    199
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     200
+
+  AFFECTED BY HIS STORY                                         205
+
+  PLUMP INTO THE RIVER WE WENT                                  206
+
+  THERE GREW IN FRONT OF ME A GREAT MOUND                       209
+
+  SNEEZING AND SNEEZING                                         211
+
+
+  THE MERCHANT'S WIFE
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    213
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     214
+
+  MOPING ABOUT THE COMMON                                       219
+
+  KEPT HIM OUT OF MISCHIEF                                      223
+
+  GLORIOUS TARTS AND SWEETS                                     224
+
+  IT DIDN'T MATTER HOW MUCH YOU ATE                             225
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                     226
+
+
+  THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    227
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     228
+
+  THE HEADS SERVED FOR DOLLS                                    233
+
+  YOU ARE NOW OUR ONLY HOPE                                     234
+
+  I FISHED AND FISHED AND FISHED                                237
+
+  TAILPIECE                                                     239
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                      240
+
+
+  THE SIEGE OF TROY
+
+  TITLE-PAGE                                                    241
+
+  HEADPIECE                                                     242
+
+  PLAN OF SIEGE                                                 245
+
+  THESE PARCELS WERE NOW LABELLED                               248
+
+  AND PACKED HIM OFF TO PERSIA                                  251
+
+  TROY BECAME THE HAPPIEST TOWN                                 253
+
+  THE END
+
+  VIGNETTE                                                      256
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: BILL THE MINDER]
+
+[Illustration: Headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+BILL THE MINDER
+
+
+Old Crispin, the mushroom gatherer, and his good wife Chloe had ten
+children, and nine of them were bad-tempered. There was Chad, the
+youngest and most bad-tempered of the lot, Hannibal and Quentin the
+twins, Randall with the red head, Noah, Ratchett the short-sighted, Nero
+the worrit, weeping Biddulph and Knut. The only good-tempered child was
+a little girl named Boadicea.
+
+It is well known that a boy usually takes after his father, and a girl
+after her mother, and these children were no exception to the rule, for
+the boys all resembled old Crispin, whose temper had been rather tried,
+poor man, by the early hours at which he had to rise, in order to gather
+the mushrooms when they were quite new and young. On the other hand,
+Boadicea could only have inherited her good-temper from Chloe, who
+without doubt was the most good-tempered dame alive.
+
+Now it is quite true that any one who cares to rise early enough in the
+morning may gather mushrooms, and plenty of them, too, but those who do
+so only now and again, and merely for amusement, little know the hard
+life of the professional gatherer, or the skill and judgment he has to
+cultivate in order to carry on his work with any success.
+
+In the course of time Crispin became so well skilled that he could not
+only tell a mushroom from a toadstool at the distance of two hundred
+yards, but his hearing became so acute that he could even hear them
+growing, and learnt to distinguish the sound of each as it broke through
+the earth. Indeed, he had no need for any alarm to wake him from his
+heavy slumbers and call him to his work in the fields. However
+cautiously a mushroom made its appearance, at its first rumble, old
+Crispin would jump from his hard bed, hastily dress himself, and, often
+without tasting a morsel of breakfast, be out of the house and on to the
+field in time to see the newcomer pop its head through the earth. This
+he would pick, and then he would hop about with his head on one side
+listening for others like some old starling listening for worms, at the
+same time mewing like a cat to frighten away the birds that prey on the
+mushrooms. He was then able to fill his basket with the very freshest
+crop and take them round to people's houses in time for breakfast.
+
+With such anxious work it will be readily understood that few mushroom
+gatherers can remain in the best of health for many years, and it so
+happened that in time the anxieties connected with the gathering of
+mushrooms began to affect old Crispin, so that he fell ill and
+completely lost his appetite. Chloe called in the doctor, but the latter
+at first could do nothing for him. He painted Crispin's chest and then
+his back with iodine; he rubbed him well with the roots of sarsaparilla;
+he made him sleep first on his right side, then on his left, and finally
+covered him in brown paper plasters and dock-leaf poultices and sent him
+to the sea-side with strict injunctions to take to sea-bathing, running,
+and aeroplaning, but it was all of no avail.
+
+With the assistance of Boadicea, Chloe now tried to tempt her husband
+with every known and unknown dish, and when these failed, like a good
+wife, she invented others. She made trifles of vegetable marrow,
+tartlets of hen feathers to soothe the nerves, salads of spinach and
+carraway comfits, delicacies composed of porridge and mint, and the most
+luscious stews of pine-cones and lard. She then tried him with even
+lighter dishes, but it was no good. He became thinner and thinner every
+day, and his temper was growing shorter and shorter, when at last, to
+her great joy, she succeeded in making a jelly that really seemed to
+take his fancy.
+
+At first there was little or no sign of improvement, yet he ate a very
+small portion of the jelly every day, and with this the anxious wife and
+daughter had to be contented for some time. He had remained in this
+state for weeks when Chloe resolved slightly to increase his portion.
+Finding that this did not disagree with him, but that, instead, he
+became a little stouter and a little better every day, she continued
+gradually giving him more and more.
+
+At last she discovered that the more Crispin ate of this jelly, the
+greater his appetite became. In fact, if the truth be told, the old
+gentleman became in time not only quite well and very stout but also
+somewhat greedy. At all events, Chloe found that instead of being able
+to devote more time to her children, after restoring her husband's
+appetite, she had to give up more and more time to cooking. Crispin now
+spent the whole day in eating, and things went from bad to very bad, and
+from very bad to worse. Boadicea assisted her mother to the utmost, yet
+Chloe, worked almost to death, was at length compelled to look out for a
+minder, in order that her children might not be entirely neglected.
+
+Many minders from all parts applied for employment, and, as a test of
+their skill, she set them the task of cheering the unfortunate Chad, who
+was cutting all his double teeth at the same time. Some tried to cheer
+him by singing to him, some by dancing to him; one even hoped to gladden
+the boy by jumping over him backwards and with a pleasant smile dropping
+on the grass in front of him. Again, some thought to distract him by
+running swiftly with him several times round the well, which only made
+him very ill. Another energetic young minder stood on his head in front
+of the child for at least ten minutes, which, instead of cheering the
+lad, nearly frightened him to death. One minder, more experienced than
+the rest, tried to make him forget his ache by giving him other aches to
+think of with the aid of a slipper, which he maintained he had succeeded
+in doing. However, he was not elected, for, try as they would, no one
+could discover for which ache the child was crying.
+
+Many methods were tried, but none with even the smallest success; in
+fact, the competition greatly increased the child's discomfort. His
+howls became terrific, and so heartrending that, as a last resource,
+Chloe sent for her nephew Bill, who cleaned the boots. Now no one had
+suspected Bill of having the makings of a good minder in him, but it
+happened that he knew Chad's little ways, and so, to everybody's
+surprise and relief, he easily succeeded in keeping him quiet until all
+the double teeth had been cut. Thereupon he was at once elected Minder
+to the family.
+
+[Illustration: HIS HOWLS BECAME TERRIFIC]
+
+Bill soon proved that he was no ordinary minder. Having once started on
+his new work, he took his profession very seriously. He read all the
+books that had ever been written upon the subject, which were to be
+found in the library of the British Museum. He talked about it with the
+most knowing professors of the subject, and he was as well known in the
+Minding Room of the Patent Museum at South Kensington as in his father's
+house. And it is even said that he once contrived to be shut in all
+night by hiding behind a case of red coral rattles when the policeman
+came round at dusk to shut and lock the doors.
+
+Moreover, as you can see for yourselves in the pictures, he was always
+inventing new ways of minding his charges. So expert did he become in
+time that he was never at a loss with the most fractious, and easily
+surpassing all rivals, he became the most perfect minder of the
+district.
+
+Bill's fame spread to the most distant towns, and worrited mothers for
+miles around flocked to him with their children. He was most successful
+in distracting the vaccinated, and under his care young tooth-cutters
+soon forgot their troubles. Even the pangs of indigestion were allayed
+and the fretfulness of the sleepless lulled to rest by the charm of his
+ways. Short tempers were lengthened, and terrified midnight wakers were
+taught to realise how ridiculous were their fears. Screechers ceased to
+screech, and grizzlers to grizzle, while weepers and howlers reformed
+their habits and learnt to chuckle throughout the day.
+
+If any one could mind, Bill could!
+
+But life was not all condensed milk and honey to Bill. Like all good
+minders and men, he had the bad fortune to arouse the jealousy of
+rivals. The unvarying success which met his clever treatment of the most
+difficult cases, instead of arousing the admiration of his brother
+minders, as one would have expected, and making them eager to imitate
+him, only had the effect of making them very cross and jealous. Some,
+indeed, became so wild that they had to be minded themselves, while
+others neglected their charges and wandered about the country in a
+dreadful state of grumpiness, biting their nails to the quick, and
+tearing their hair or anything else they could get hold of.
+
+The time now arrived for the great annual Minding Tournament, held by
+the Duke to celebrate his birthday, to which every one had been looking
+forward all through the year. Few people have ever been so delighted
+over being born as was the Duke, and this was how he most liked to show
+his joy and thankfulness. The prizes and cups were usually subscribed
+for by the mothers and fathers, but this year was a very special
+occasion, for the Duke, having arrived at the age of sixty, had decided
+to present a gold-mounted feeding-bottle to be competed for during the
+tournament.
+
+Everybody was there; the Duke and his Duchess with a handsome bouquet of
+marigolds and groundsel, presented by the wives of the policemen; the
+Duchess's cousin, the chatty old Viscount, and his sweet young wife; the
+stout old Marquis who (as every lady knows) is also admiral of the
+Regent's Canal, and his six old-maid daughters, who all arrived in bath
+chairs. The general was there, as a matter of course, with all his
+medals beautifully polished, and his pockets full of Pontefract cakes
+and peardrops to throw to the children. At least twelve bishops were
+present, besides the vicar and his eight kind curates, who made
+themselves extremely pleasant to every one.
+
+All the mothers and fathers of the neighbourhood were present, and
+minders were continually arriving to compete for the prizes. There were
+at least one hundred policemen to keep order, and the music was provided
+by the band of the militia, lent for this occasion by the kind-hearted
+general. Each member of the band performed on a separate harmonium
+borrowed from the vicar. Refreshments also could be had by every one who
+could prove that he or she was hungry.
+
+[Illustration: ALWAYS INVENTING NEW WAYS OF MINDING]
+
+The first event was the egg-and-spoon race, which was decided in the
+following way. A well-pinched baby and a glass of milk were placed at
+the end of the course, and each competitor had to run to them balancing
+a new-laid egg on a spoon; when he had reached them, he had to beat up
+the egg in the glass of milk and pacify the child with the beverage. The
+competitor who did it in the shortest time won the prize.
+
+Some murmurings were heard when it was announced that Bill had won by
+two-and-a-half minutes, but these were soon drowned by the cheers of
+the crowd and the music of the harmoniums.
+
+[Illustration: YOUNG TOOTH-CUTTERS FORGOT THEIR TROUBLES]
+
+The second event was the obstacle race, in which each competitor had to
+run with three babies in his arms along a course strewn with
+perambulators full of children. Over the latter he had to climb, and
+having placed his three babies in an empty perambulator stationed at the
+end of the course, wheel them back the same way and empty them into the
+arms of the Duke without a cry from the children.
+
+The loud cheers of the crowd and the roar of the harmoniums this time
+hardly drowned the jeering of his rivals when it was proclaimed that
+Bill had also won this race; and when he secured the gold-mounted
+feeding-bottle, presented by the Duke, for minding seventeen
+tooth-cutters and three indigesters, and sending them all to sleep in
+three hours and forty-five minutes, their rage was almost beyond their
+control. The cheers, the hurrahs, and the clapping of hands, as well as
+the soothing music of the harmoniums, only made them more disagreeable
+and spiteful.
+
+But far worse was to happen when Bill presently carried off the great
+cup for remaining shut up in a bathing-machine with twelve vaccinated
+children for twelve hours. Then they quite lost their tempers, and Bill
+very nearly lost his life. At least seven babies were hurled at him, as
+well as the cup and the bathing-machine, and Bill was only saved by the
+seven mothers of the seven hurled babies, who rushed forward to grapple
+with the hurlers, and carried Bill and the babies out of their reach.
+
+This shocking disturbance caused the vicar and his eight kind curates to
+faint, while the Duke, who, now having lost all interest in the
+proceedings, was only waiting to give away the prizes, turned quite
+white, and at once drove off with the Duchess in his motor, and never
+again referred to the subject. The general stripped off his medals in
+despair, and gave them away to the children to cut their teeth with. The
+chatty old Viscount became dumb with astonishment, and the twelve
+bishops, with heads erect and half-closed eyes, walked off to their
+cathedrals. The harmoniums were all put out of tune and quite spoilt by
+the efforts of the bandsmen to drown the noise, and the tournament was
+completely broken up.
+
+After this, as might have been foreseen, no mother would entrust the
+care of her children to any one but Bill, who became the only minder of
+the district. What became of the rivals no one ever knew for certain,
+though it has been said that they all emigrated to a desolate island in
+the Dead Sea, and clothed themselves in crocodile's hide with the rough
+and knobby side worn against the skin, sleeping at night on beds of
+flints with coverlets made of stinging nettles. It is also said that
+they nagged and threw stones at each other all through the day, and for
+very rage would eat nothing but thistles, uncooked and with the prickles
+left on, and drink nothing but cold vinegar for the rest of their
+wretched lives.
+
+[Illustration: THE ONLY MINDER OF THE DISTRICT]
+
+Another story has it that Bill's jealous rivals all embarked for Mount
+Vesuvius, with the intention of committing suicide by plunging into the
+burning crater. But standing on its edge and gazing therein, they all
+suddenly altered their minds and walked back down the mountain side to
+Pompeii or Herculaneum, where they were supposed to have settled and
+married, and repented, let us hope, of their unkind and unreasonable
+behaviour.
+
+Whether either of these stories is true or not, it is certain that the
+rivals disappeared altogether from the country. Unmolested, Bill now
+devoted all his days to minding, and Randall, Noah, Knut, Biddulph,
+Nero, Ratchett, Hannibal, Quentin, Chad, and his innumerable other
+charges never left him, but wandered with him everywhere, even in his
+dreams.
+
+Such a minder was Bill!
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE KING OF TROY]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE KING OF TROY
+
+
+Now it happened one morning as Bill was shepherding his little flock
+across the downs, whither they loved to ramble on a fine summer's day,
+that Hannibal, Quentin, and Boadicea came running up to him with the
+wonderful tidings that they had discovered a real golden crown lying on
+the top of a hayrick. Bill hastened to the spot, and there, sure enough,
+was a most beautiful crown, ornamented with what he took to be
+priceless gems. Looking all round and seeing no one to whom it might
+belong, he climbed the rick and attempted to remove the treasure. But,
+try as he would, it still resisted his efforts, until at last, with one
+mighty wrench, he seemed to elicit a groan from the depths of the rick,
+and presently the crown arose apparently of its own accord and disclosed
+the head of an aged man firmly fixed therein. Soon his neck, then his
+shoulders appeared, as gradually the old fellow lifted himself from his
+place of hiding and climbed down the sides of the rick and stood
+trembling in the midst of the children, who now wonderingly gathered
+round him.
+
+Having recovered from his agitation, and being greatly encouraged by
+Bill's kindly inquiries and genial manners, the royal old boy proceeded
+to account for his strange appearance on the downs.
+
+'Prepare yourselves, you bantlings, and you, their noble curator, for
+the most astounding revelations; and those of you who are nerveful or
+softish in any way, hide your chubby heads in this old rick, that no
+word of my story of woes may enter your ears and so curdle your simple
+minds.'
+
+At this young Chad and some of the others set up a terrible hullabaloo,
+but Bill soon comforted them, and then, seated in a circle on the grass
+around the old fellow, they made themselves comfortable and prepared to
+listen to his story.
+
+'Are you all fit?' demanded the old gent. 'Yes,' shouted Bill and his
+charges in reply. 'Well, here goes then.' And he commenced his tale in
+the following way:--
+
+'I am that King of Troy who ruled over his subjects with such wisdom and
+justice that the greatest happiness prevailed amongst them!'
+
+[Illustration: HE CLIMBED THE RICK]
+
+'We've heard that before,' murmured Chad, but ignoring the interruption,
+the King of Troy continued his story:--
+
+'Safely protected from baseness of every description, from robbery, from
+the ill effects of envy, and from unworthy tricksters of every colour,
+by the stern, yet just rule under which they happily lived, the Trojans
+throve and pursued their various trades with unvarying success. All
+amassed a considerable fortune, and as their wealth increased, so did
+their pride in the beloved city of their birth. All contributed most
+willingly to the upkeep of their sovereign, and the ever-increasing
+state which I was expected to hold was paid for down to the last
+farthing by the noble fellows.
+
+'The well-meaning creatures at length gave no rest to their poor old
+king, and as their prosperity grew, they raised him to a more and more
+exalted, and at the same time increasingly uncomfortable, position above
+them. Heavier and heavier grew the robes of state to suit the swelling
+dignity of the city: more and more overloaded with gold, with jewels,
+with filigree silver and enamelled bronze became the crown, until so
+ponderous had grown the regalia that I could hardly support it. But no
+pity had the gallant lads. Mistaking the signs of my gradually drooping
+spirits for the signs of undue modesty, they slapped me on the back
+again and again, and with joyful shouts endeavoured to instil into my
+dejected soul some of their own abundant ardour.
+
+'With my own personal dignity, the number of ceremonials and functions I
+was expected to endure also increased. Town hall after town hall was
+built, and bazaars without end were held especially to be opened by
+myself. But in time even this doubtful relaxation ceased, and so high
+did my subjects raise me that few of them dared to approach me, and then
+only on bended knees. As for speaking familiarly with me, none had the
+temerity to attempt it. Perpetual state I was now compelled to keep, and
+never for an instant permitted to leave my throne or doff my royal
+robes, except for one short hour in the morning to perform ablutions in
+the regal tub, and even then I was not allowed to remove my crown.
+Seated on my throne from morning until night, overburdened by the weight
+of my crown and the heavily brocaded and bejewelled robes, I felt as
+lonely as a stranded limpet in the middle of the Sahara desert.
+
+'At last things came to such a pass, that, except perhaps to bring me
+food or drink, not one of my subjects would dare to draw nearer than to
+the outer door of my ante-room, and even there they would fall upon
+their faces and grovel in the dust and quake, so that the very clicking
+of their bones could be distinctly heard from my place upon the throne,
+as they trembled in every joint.
+
+'Ah, how I missed the old days,--the cheerful cup of tea, the pipe of
+baccy and the homely game of dominoes with that primest of all Prime
+Ministers. How gladly would I have snatched from the royal board the
+dainties now prepared for me,--the asparagus truffles, the prawn
+cutlets, the anchovy jelly, and suchlike, and hurled from me the trivial
+and shimmering mass, tweaking my old rascal of a waiter by the nose, and
+calling for a hunk of bread and some cheese. Even my sparkling and
+frolicsome old chum, the Prime Minister, had seemingly quite forgotten
+our loyal chumship and never appeared before me now except upon his
+hands and knees and with his head bent low to the ground. And what of my
+old friend the Secretary of State? Where were his gibes, his playful
+fancies, his quirks and rare conceits, the droll! Alas, only rarely now
+could I glimpse the rogue, and with real sorrow did I see his erstwhile
+bonny and jovial old face distorted by expressions of the most abject
+servility. And that respectful mute, the Minister of Education, does he
+dream that I forget his winsome pranks and jokes? Does he imagine for a
+moment that those glorious evenings, when the four of us used to meet
+and gladden the very stars by the sounds of our joviality, were nothing
+to me? Alas, in my solitude what would have befallen me but for those
+sweet memories!
+
+[Illustration: HE COMMENCED HIS TALE]
+
+'One evening the Prime Minister appeared on his hands and knees at the
+door of the throne-room, bearing on a little plate upon his back the
+slight supper that was served to me in this strange manner every
+evening. With drooping head, and visibly quaking with awe, he gradually
+crawled near, and when at the foot of the throne placed the supper (a
+mere anchovy truffle on toast) before me and fell flat on his face,
+writhing at my feet.
+
+'Who can describe my feelings as I bent over him and witnessed this
+degradation, this prostration before me, of one who had revelled with
+me, who had slapped me on the back in pure amity, and who, in days of
+yore, had gambolled, frisked, and carolled the most enchanting glees
+with me. A great hot tear fell from my left eye as I gazed, and the
+startled wretch leapt to his feet as it splashed upon his bald crown and
+trickled down its glossy sides, leaving a red and glowing spot where it
+had fallen. No words of mine could describe the misery expressed on the
+face of the unhappy man as he took one hasty glance at me, full of the
+deepest meaning, and rushed from the room weeping bitterly. Alas! he,
+too, remembered.
+
+'No heart had I now for the anchovy truffle, nor indeed for the toast,
+both of which I tossed lightly from me. I gave up my mind to most
+melancholy reflections. Night drew on, and one by one I could hear the
+ministers and domestics creeping up stealthily to bed, and at nine
+o'clock all the electric lights in the palace were switched off, and I
+was left in total darkness and in solitude. Still I brooded on my
+throne, unable to sleep for the weight of my robes and for the sad
+thoughts that passed through my mind, and mechanically counted the hours
+as they stole slowly by.
+
+'At length the clock in the hall downstairs struck eleven, and as the
+last beat echoed through the empty rooms, a light appeared underneath
+the door opposite the throne. Little heed did I give to this at first,
+imagining that one of the ministers, on retiring, had omitted to remove
+his boots and leave them in the hall, and was now returning to place
+them there. The light, however, remained, and to my increasing
+wonderment some one tried the handle of the door, which was then opened
+very cautiously and in there crept, on hands and knees, my old friend
+the Prime Minister. As soon as he was well within the room and had
+quietly closed the door, he leapt to his feet and executed the most
+astonishing capers that were ever danced. With the liveliest
+satisfaction expressed all over his mobile features, he pirouetted round
+the room with the greatest animation, and daringly accomplished the
+giddiest somersaults that were ever turned. At last, nearly exhausted
+with this vigorous performance, he ran up to the throne, grasped me by
+the hand, which he wrung most heartily, and for all the world was his
+good old self again.
+
+'He now bade me follow him, and in utter silence we both crept out of
+the throne-room, through the ante-room, down the stairs, across the
+hall, and out by the front door into the garden.
+
+'We now traversed the terrace and crossed the tennis lawn, and stepping
+gently across the Rhododendron beds, scrambled as carefully as possible
+over the barbed-wire fence and found ourselves in the kitchen garden.
+Passing through innumerable beds of cabbages, beetroots, turnips,
+brussels sprouts, and broccoli, we at last stood in front of an old
+broken-down hen-house. The Minister knocked very gently three distinct
+times and gave a low musical call, which was immediately answered from
+within. The door now opened just sufficiently to admit one person at a
+time, and the Prime Minister crept in, dragging me after him, and then
+closing the door as quickly and as quietly as possible.
+
+'You may imagine my surprise when I discovered my two other old cronies
+seated amongst the hay newly strewn on the floor, the fat old roosters
+chortling wisely the while on their perches in the roof of the shed. Two
+or three candles, that were glued with their own fat on the stakes that
+were driven securely into the ground, together with an old stable
+lantern suspended from the roof, served to light up the interior. A
+squat and homely kettle was simmering cheerily in front of some glowing
+embers in the centre of the floor awaiting the brewing of a stout cup of
+tea, and the dominoes were all ready for a rattling game as of old.
+
+'Nothing could exceed the joy of the dear old boys, as they gripped me
+by the hand and punched me first on the chest and again on the back from
+pure joy, forgetting all the awe with which they had regarded me for so
+long since, and only remembering the many happy times we had spent
+together in days of yore,--those far-off happy days, before I had been
+so terribly, so uncomfortably exalted by my subjects.
+
+'As soon as I had made myself pretty comfortable, the Minister of
+Education reached up, and taking one of the old chickens from its perch,
+quickly killed it, plucked it and trussed it, and then, suspending it
+over the embers by a piece of string from the roof, turned it round and
+round gently until it was done to a T.
+
+'What a time we had in that old shed to be sure. After demolishing the
+chicken we played the most exciting games of dominoes until we were
+tired of them, then cats' cradles, then honey-pots, and then touch wood.
+And what could have been more refreshing than those cups of tea! And
+what more invigorating than the Pontefract cakes, the slabs of cocoanut
+ice, and sheets of almond hard-bake that we crunched between the games!
+And the songs and choruses with which we shook the crazy old hen-house
+to its rotting foundations! My word! How we trolled them out!
+
+'When our joy was at its height, and we were carolling the inimitable
+chorus of that more than glorious old song of the country-side, "Waiting
+for the Guinea Fowl," we were suddenly reminded of the approach of day
+by the loud crowing of the old cock over our heads, and peeping at once
+out of the door we perceived that already the dawn had advanced and
+lightened the eastern sky.
+
+[Illustration: WHAT A TIME WE HAD]
+
+'Without a moment's hesitation, the guttering candles were
+extinguished, and I was hurried back to the palace. But only just in
+time, for as I mounted the steps of my throne I could hear the lazy
+steps of the boot-boy as he unwillingly crawled downstairs to his work.
+
+'In the course of the day the Egg Counter to the Royal Household was
+dragged grovelling before me, complaining that the foxes had stolen one
+of the chickens under his care. I ordered the treasurer to disburse 9d.
+for a trap and dismissed the grinning churl, who little guessed the
+breed of foxes which had made away with his bird.
+
+'Night after night the four of us, unsuspected of any, now sought the
+hen-house, and forgot the harassing troubles of state in the pure joys
+of friendship. After killing, roasting, and supping off one of the birds
+as on our first meeting, we abandoned ourselves to the heartiest
+revelry, only to be awakened to the cold everyday world by the crowing
+of the old bantam.
+
+'During the daytime my friends resumed their deferential and almost
+servile demeanour, and nothing remained to remind me of the revels of
+the night before but the troubles of the Egg Counter, who now came to me
+every day with a fresh complaint that yet another of his birds had
+disappeared.
+
+'And now begins the narration of the most terrible of all my trials. One
+night--how well can I remember it, it was on the eve of that very day
+when the mighty King of the Persians and all his court were coming to
+spend the week-end with us, in order to celebrate my sixty-fifth
+birthday--we met as usual in the hen-house, and discovered to our dismay
+that we had demolished all the fowls with the exception of the old cock.
+After some discussion, and regardless of consequences, we decided to
+treat him as we had already treated his brothers and sisters, and in a
+very little time nothing was left of the tough old biped but bones, beak
+and feathers. Heedless of the morrow, we now gave ourselves up to the
+wildest enjoyment. Discarding such simple games as dominoes and
+honey-pots, we now indulged in the more thrilling joys of leap-frog,
+Hunt the Stag, Red Rover, Robbers and Thieves, and you would not believe
+me were I to tell you the amount of toffee, brandy-snaps, bull's eyes,
+and Edinburgh rock that we absorbed in the course of this agreeable
+evening.
+
+'Enlivened, no doubt, by the thought that to-morrow was my birthday, my
+excitement was intense, and communicating itself to my prankful cronies,
+it electrified their old bones in the most amazing manner.
+
+'How long we should have kept it up, it is, of course, impossible for me
+to say, but we were suddenly brought to a standstill by a loud knocking
+on the door of the shed and the sound of a great concourse of people on
+the other side. On opening the door I nearly fainted in my horror, for
+whom should I behold but the King of Persia and all his court, and as
+far as the eye could reach the faces of the Trojans all lit up by the
+morning sun, staring intently at the shed. Alas, we had eaten the old
+cock, our only timepiece, many hours ago, and without our knowledge the
+day had dawned and grown to midday.
+
+'Who shall describe my profound mortification, as I observed the look of
+sorrow on the King of Persia's noble countenance, or the distress with
+which I viewed the agonised disappointment of my subjects as they beheld
+their king, whom they one and all delighted to honour, playing leap-frog
+in a hen-house.
+
+'It appeared that on the arrival of the King of Persia, they had all
+proceeded in lordly procession with bands playing and flags flying to
+the throne-room, and not finding me there they had hunted everywhere for
+me, high and low, until at last, guided by the sounds of revelry in the
+hen-house, they discovered my wretched self in the ignominious position
+I have already described.
+
+'I was now seized by two of the Persian guards at the command of their
+monarch and marched off to the Palace, a lane being opened for me
+through the crowds of my silent and sorrowing subjects.
+
+'A council was very hurriedly called together, at which it was decided
+that I should be banished for ever from the city of Troy for so
+demeaning the exalted position to which I had been elevated, by my
+frolics in the hen-house, and that henceforth the King of Persia should
+reign in my stead.
+
+'Stripping my royal robes from me (they were compelled to leave my crown
+on, for it was so firmly fixed that it would not come off, try as they
+would), they now bandaged my eyes, and, with the only baggage I was
+allowed to take, tied up in an old patch-work quilt, they led me forth.
+Past crowds of my subjects, who now gave way to the most heartfelt
+sorrow, I was led, through the old gates of my beloved city and far out
+into the country. After we had travelled for about thirty miles my
+conductors at last removed the bandage from my eyes and left me to my
+despair, alone in the wilderness.
+
+'Sinking to the ground, I wept bitterly for three-quarters of an hour,
+when hunger beginning to assert itself, I started upon this long
+journey, which has at length brought me to you.
+
+'For many months have I travelled, often compelled to ask the way or beg
+assistance of the merest strangers, until at last,' concluded the old
+gentleman, 'as I was resting to-day in the shadow of this rick, I saw
+you all coming over the hill, and mistaking you for the legions of the
+King of Persia sent to hunt me down, I hid myself in the top of the
+rick.'
+
+Bill and all his charges were deeply moved at so harrowing a tale, and
+willingly proffered any assistance they were capable of rendering to the
+unhappy old boy.
+
+[Illustration: The King of Troy compelled to ask his way]
+
+The King of Troy, now assured of the good faith of his new friends,
+unfolded to them a scheme he had formed to raise an army and to march on
+Troy, and so recover, if possible, his lost power. Bill at once offered
+his services and was created commander-in-chief on the spot, and calling
+for volunteers, was answered by one great shout of joy from all his
+charges, every one of whom enlisted there and then in the new army of
+the King of Troy.
+
+Chad, Hannibal, Randall, Noah, Ratchett, Nero, Biddulph, and Knut were
+each promoted to the rank of officers as a matter of course, while the
+gentle Boadicea was deputed to look after the old King, whose comfort
+was now her greatest aim in life.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE ANCIENT MARINER]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE ANCIENT MARINER
+
+
+The next thing to be done was certainly to make the old King
+comfortable, so Bill took him home, and the good Chloe dosed him well
+with hot gruel, and made him put his feet in hot water, and sent him to
+bed. After remaining snugly tucked up for a few days, the cheerful old
+soul was ready and eager to start with his new army for Troy.
+
+In the meantime Bill, with the assistance of Crispin, had constructed a
+wonderful perambulator, in which the King could be conveyed with his
+luggage and such comforts as would be necessary for the old man during
+his progress.
+
+Having secured the permission of Crispin and Chloe, and of the other
+parents concerned (most of whom seemed only too glad to get rid of the
+lot), Bill, the King, and all the gallant young soldiers started on
+their adventurous journey. Loud were the shouts of admiration as the
+brave creatures marched down the village street; and at last, when they
+had entirely disappeared, the place seemed suddenly so quiet and dull
+that all retired to their bedrooms and gave way to tears.
+
+However, our duty is to follow the young braves. Having marched along
+the road across the Downs for some distance, they met the strangest
+couple,--a kind-looking old gentleman who, to judge from his appearance,
+had spent the greater part of his life upon the ocean, carrying in his
+arms, carefully and tenderly as though he were a frail young baby,
+another man, with the saddest and most thoughtful face that you ever
+beheld. Such touching kindness deeply affected all who witnessed it, and
+Bill at once greeted the good gentleman, and begged of him to account to
+them for his very strange appearance on the country road.
+
+'Sirs,' said the Ancient Mariner, as he placed his burden lovingly on
+the ground, 'my name is Jack, Plain Jack, and I am the ninth mate of the
+Swedish ship _Turnip_, a brig-rigged barquentine, that sailed from
+Cherry Garden Pier for Margate with a cargo of camels, in the year 1840,
+and has never since been heard of.
+
+'Though a born sailor, I succeeded my father in what was one of the best
+corn-chandler's businesses in that part of Barking. By my industry and
+thrift I, in time, so bettered my position and improved my business that
+I felt fully entitled to settle down and enter into the state of
+matrimony. For some years I had had my eye on the enchanting Jane
+Osbaldistone de Trevor, whose father kept a large brill farm by Barking
+Creek,--in fact, the largest of the many brill farms that used, in those
+days, to line the river from Limehouse Reach to Cherry Garden Pier.
+
+'His wealth and importance did not deter me from aspiring to the hand of
+his fascinating daughter; and why should they have done so? Was not I in
+the very promising position of owning the largest corn-chandler's store,
+from Wapping Old Stairs even as far down as Barking Creek? And then,
+again, was not I as well born as he, for did not my ancestors chandle
+corn in Barking long before the De Trevors had crossed the Channel, when
+they may, indeed, have earned a precarious livelihood by letting
+bathing-machines on the beach at Boulogne?
+
+'Nevertheless, on my broaching the subject to the old gentleman, he
+threw every conceivable obstacle in my way, and made conditions that
+were wellnigh impossible of being carried out. "If," said he, "you can
+bring to me, within the next few years, some object more wonderful than
+anything in the Bethnal Green Museum,--some object beside which St.
+Paul's Cathedral, the Monument, the Tower of London, or the Tower Bridge
+will be as uninteresting as an old one-bladed pocket-knife,--then you
+shall marry my daughter, but not otherwise"; and he chuckled to himself,
+knowing only too well that he had wellnigh dashed my hopes for ever.
+
+'But, after all, little did he know Plain Jack. Disappointed, but with
+some hope yet of claiming the lovely Jane, I sold my business for a
+considerable sum of money, which I took with me in my sea-chest, and
+signed on as Cabin Boy aboard the Swedish ship, _Turnip_, fully
+determined to travel all over the world, if necessary, in order to
+fulfil the conditions imposed upon me by the irritating old gentleman.
+
+'Foreseeing well how useful my superior officers might be to me in my
+quest, I resolved, as far as possible to deserve their good-will, and I
+behaved with such exemplary conduct that before we had passed Greenwich
+Hospital I was promoted to the rank of twelfth mate.
+
+'Still persevering in my good intentions, I performed many little acts
+of kindness, such as brewing the captain a cup of tea when he least
+expected it, and handing round to the officers and crew bars of colt's
+foot rock, a supply of which I took good care to bring with me. I
+repeat, so continually attentive was I, that, before we had passed the
+Nore, I was promoted to the rank of eleventh mate.
+
+'Off Herne Bay, I was still further able to gratify the captain and
+officers by pointing out to them the various public buildings and places
+of interest, which I had visited only last year during a delightful
+week-end trip. So delighted were they all that, before sighting Margate,
+I was promoted to the rank of tenth mate.
+
+'On arriving at Margate, numerous merchants came along the jetty in
+bath-chairs to examine our cargo. None, however, wanted to buy camels;
+all wanted donkeys for the sands. In spite of the captain's argument,
+that camels were much more used to sand than donkeys, having spent the
+best part of their lives on the sands of the desert, the merchants were
+obdurate, and we had to sail away again with our camels. We also now
+carried with us a shipload of Carraway Comfits, which we had purchased
+at Margate, hoping to be able to dispose of them at some port, and so
+compensate ourselves for the loss of business at Margate.
+
+[Illustration: I SIGN ON AS CABIN BOY]
+
+'For many days we sailed on and on, out through the Yarmouth Roads into
+the Persian Gulf, one incident alone standing out vividly in my memory
+during this part of the voyage. It was the dog watch, on a lovely summer
+evening; we were making little way, just sufficient to enliven the
+whitebait that leapt and prattled round our prow, or disturb a lazy
+brill that dozed upon our course. Here and there the spotted tunny
+would leap several yards from the sea, to descend again with a mighty
+smack upon the waters. From afar, borne upon the gentle breeze, came the
+low grizzle of the sperm-whale as it herded its young, or the thud of
+the mighty sword-fish, as it drove home the deadly weapon with which
+Nature, knowing its own ends, has provided him; while, mellowed by even
+greater distance, the high-pitched yell of the land-cod and the shriek
+of its maddened prey, could now and again be heard. I was lazily
+reclining among the peak halyards, whittling out a mermaid's head from
+a piece of hard-boiled gannet's egg, which I intended to send to Jane,
+should a passing vessel give me such an opportunity. Full of peace, and
+imbued with the calm that pervaded the sea and the sky, I was hardly
+prepared for the shock in store for me. Suddenly, without any warning, I
+was jerked from my position among the halyards, and flung head-first
+into the sea. Down, and down I went, until, nearly exhausted, I made one
+great effort to come to the surface. When at last I reached it, I found
+that from some unknown cause the ship had been tilted nearly on to its
+side, and thus had sent me almost to the bottom of the sea.
+
+'To climb on deck and ascertain the cause of the disaster was the work
+of a moment. It transpired that the cargo of carraway comfits had got
+shifted and was mixed up with the camels. The captain was asleep at the
+time, and every one else seemed to lose his wits, so I at once took the
+matter into my own hands, and descended into the hold with twelve picked
+men.
+
+'The plight of the camels was sad indeed to see. Some were fearfully
+chafed with the comfits, thus proving with what force the latter must
+have been showered upon them by the shifting of the cargo. Fortunately,
+however, although it was very black in the ship's hold, the camels were
+easily distinguished from the comfits, and it was only a work of
+patience and a little time to sift them and so right the ship again.
+
+'When the captain awakened and learnt how I had saved the ship, his
+gratitude knew no bounds, and he still further promoted me by making me
+his ninth mate.
+
+'For years we sailed from port to port, taking in one cargo here,
+another there, occasionally with some advantage to ourselves, but more
+often with none at all, and never with any good fortune attending me in
+my quest. When we were about thirty days' sail out from Guatemala, and,
+as far as I could tell, in latitude 195 and longitude 350 (that is,
+about 60 degrees east of the Equator), we encountered a storm which
+brought me to the successful accomplishment of my quest. It was four
+bells and my watch below, so I had gone aloft in the mizzen shrouds, and
+with my feet resting idly on the top-gallant backstay, holding securely
+to the weather topsail reeftackle, I munched a tunny sandwich, a few of
+which I had prevailed upon the steward to cut for me. Under a clear sky,
+we were making roughly, I should say, about 335 knots, and it was
+already blowing half a gale; a choppy sea was running, yet, except for
+the clots of spindrift, that now and again hurtled against the mast,
+there was no real promise of the storm to come; so I went on with my
+sandwiches.
+
+'We were now sailing close-hauled under double-reefed main storm
+topsails and fore and aft main staysails, keeping a good course and
+shipping very little water, when, suddenly, I beheld on the horizon,
+well to windward, a little cloud no larger than a tomato,--the English
+tomato, I mean, not the foreign species, though it rapidly attained that
+size. It grew larger and larger until it was quite the size of a
+full-grown vegetable marrow; yet, little recking that it contained the
+seeds of the terrible tempest that was so soon to overwhelm us, I still
+went on with my sandwiches.
+
+[Illustration: I WENT ON WITH MY SANDWICHES]
+
+'Presently the gale increased, and the seas swelled up to the size of
+Ludgate Hill. Whole shoals of the passive skate arose to the surface and
+flopped warningly about our vessel. To leeward could be seen flocks of
+the wild sea shrike, whose ominous bark could be distinctly heard above
+the snort of the coming tempest. By now the cloud had half filled the
+heavens; the seas rose higher and higher; the din was terrific, as the
+wind tore from the sea shoal upon shoal of the shy sardine and whirled
+them through the air. Soon the ship was drenched in the high seas that
+continually broke over her and the quarts and quarts of rain that
+wolloped from the dense cloud now covering the whole sky and blotting
+out all light.
+
+'At last came the order from the captain, who now realised the danger
+that threatened his vessel. "Up helm," roared he, through his
+speaking-trumpet, "clew up the lee braces of the topsail halyards; haul
+out the reef tackle and brail up the spanker." But the command came too
+late. The fore-topsail studding booms went by the board, carrying with
+them the bowsprit, the main mast, the fo'c's'le, the top-gallant
+studding-sail halyard, and the captain's tobacco-pouch, which had been
+placed upon the bowsprit earlier in the afternoon. Nothing could now be
+seen except, here and there, the gleam on some fish as it was whirled,
+with the masts, men, boots, screws, sharks, thimbles, sea anemones,
+watch-chains, ship's stores, planks, and other miscellaneous objects,
+through the sky. I had barely finished my last sandwich when, lo,
+everything became a blank to me and I lost all consciousness.
+
+'How long I remained thus I cannot say, but I awakened on the sandy
+shore of some island, upon which I had been thrown by the force of the
+wind. Nothing could I see of my companions: a few planks and spars and
+my own wretched self were all that remained to tell the tale of the good
+ship _Turnip_.
+
+'The wind had dropped, and it was a beautiful morning, not a trace of
+the storm remaining, only here and there the panting of the crayfish, as
+they nestled behind the rocks, or the gasping of the oysters telling of
+the strain they had undergone. I gazed along the shore in each
+direction, hoping to discover a bathing-machine, and so satisfy myself
+that the island was inhabited. Nothing was in sight, however, so I lay
+down again and dozed. When I awoke once more it was high noon, and the
+vertical rays of the sun warned me that it was time to take shelter. I
+raised myself on one arm with this intention, when I became aware of a
+strange figure, dressed in a long robe and with a great turban, who was
+seated on a rock near by, gazing out to sea.
+
+'I got to my feet with considerable difficulty as I was faint with
+hunger and stiff in the limbs, and was about to approach the object,
+when I discovered two more figures, who evidently had the same
+intention. Seemingly they did not wish to be observed by the singular
+creature I have already described, for they were stealthily approaching
+him from behind, creeping from rock to rock. I at once stooped down
+behind a great star-fish, determined to watch unobserved.
+
+'I now noticed that both were savages, and that one of them held close
+to his body an old, rusty kitchen-range; while the other carried, in one
+hand, a basket of coals, and with the other supported a huge, iron
+sauce-pan across his shoulders. Nearer and nearer drew the cannibals (as
+I soon guessed them to be) to their intended victim, who, however,
+either because he did not hear them, or did not dread them, took no
+notice at all. Presently they were crouching down behind him, and he was
+still apparently unconscious of their presence. Then, with a wild whoop
+they leapt into the air, and dropped on the ground in front of him. Even
+now the amazing creature took no notice of the cannibals or their
+antics, as they danced and yelled around him. Soon realising that there
+was something very unusual in his reception of them, they stared in awe
+and amazement at him for some time, and then fled in terror, leaving the
+saucepan, the kitchen-range and the other cooking utensils behind them.
+
+'They ran along the sands, and dropped behind a rock at a great distance
+away, where they remained completely hidden for some long time.
+Presently, however, one black head appeared for an instant above the
+rock, and gazed in the direction of the thoughtful creature by the sea.
+This head was very quickly withdrawn from view and another popped
+up,--only to disappear as quickly. Then the first appeared again, and so
+on. This continued until they had regained a little of their nerve, when
+I could see them once more crawling back to the abstracted figure on the
+shore. Again they drew very close to him, and now that they had
+sufficiently mastered their fears, they approached and examined him very
+closely, and proceeded at once to prepare their evening meal. First of
+all they lit the fire, then they carefully placed their unresisting
+victim in the saucepan, after filling it with water from the sea, and
+were just about to lift it on to the range when I lost all patience, and
+shouted from my hiding-place, "Hold!" so many times in quick succession,
+and each time in a different tone of voice, that the cannibals must have
+thought there were at least thirty men or more in hiding. At any rate,
+they fled in the most abject terror, never to return.
+
+'Giving them good time to disappear, I now emerged from my hiding-place
+and approached the absent-minded creature, gently lifting him from the
+saucepan, in which I found him still sitting and gazing out to sea.
+Gathering together many sea-urchins, rock-beetles, and branches of a
+succulent sea-weed, with which the beach had been strewn by the recent
+storm, I prepared an exquisite stew, and made a very hearty meal. I was
+also able to induce my companion to take some, without, however,
+succeeding in breaking his train of thought.
+
+[Illustration: FOR YEARS WE SAILED]
+
+'For many months no other friend had I than this preoccupied curiosity,
+who seemed quite unable to give me any clue as to who he was or whence
+he came. Perhaps he had been shipwrecked there in childhood--who
+knows?--and wandered there ever since, the wonder of every limpet or
+lugworm that squirmed upon those shores, or the sport of every mer-kid
+that flipped a fin in those unknown waters.
+
+'To cut a long story short, I soon realised that here was the object I
+was in search of, and that if this dreamy creature did not sufficiently
+astonish old De Trevor, and compel him to consent to my marrying his
+daughter, nothing on this earth would do the deed, so I resolved to
+leave the island with my treasure as soon as I could make it possible to
+do so. I set about making a raft, which I quickly succeeded in
+completing, having since my childhood had a great knack at the making of
+rafts, and, without undue delay, I embarked with my prize, provisioned
+with as many shell-fish and branches of the succulent sea-weed as the
+raft would carry.
+
+'After some few months, and just as we had finished our last limpet, we
+had the good fortune to be picked up by a tramp-steamer, bound for
+Saskatchewan from Mombasa, with a cargo of periwinkles. The captain was
+such a kind-hearted man that, on hearing my story he decided to go out
+of his course, and land us at Cherry Garden Pier; and so, my good
+friends, after sixty years' sailing all over the globe, I arrived home
+again, a poorer but a kinder man.
+
+[Illustration: The sport of every mer-kid]
+
+'You may be sure that I lost no time in seeking out Jane herself, with
+every hope of at last being able to claim her hand, but alas!
+gentlemen,' said the Ancient Mariner, with a large, salt tear about to
+fall from each eye, and as he once more tenderly lifted his burden, 'I
+was to find that Jane had become a very, very old woman, with many
+little grandchildren of her own, and that she had entirely
+forgotten my existence. She had me turned away from her doorstep as a
+raving madman, even with my interesting, absent-minded, and inseparable
+companion.
+
+'Thus, Good Sirs, I have to start life anew, and if my great experience
+should be of any service to you, believe me, it is yours to command.'
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE TRIPLETS]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE TRIPLETS
+
+
+Right gladly were the services of the plucky old salt accepted by the
+gallant little band, and taking it in turns to relieve him of his
+burden, they jovially marched along. The way was enlivened by many a
+good chorus, until the old King complained of a headache, when every one
+had to be quiet and talk only in quite a low tone, while Boadicea
+soothed the old fidget, and lulled him to sleep, by removing his crown
+and gently stroking the top of his head with a mint leaf, rolled into a
+little ball, and fastened to the end of a stem of sweet-briar. He
+awakened shortly after tea, very much refreshed for his nap, and every
+one grew merry again.
+
+He now, however, considerably delayed the progress of the expedition by
+insisting on running after butterflies, and trying to catch them in his
+crown. Though anxious enough to continue their journey, all the army
+awaited with great patience the pleasure of the old sportsman. At length
+Knut, who had been eagerly watching the King for some time, as he
+frisked about the fields after the brightly-coloured insects, could not
+restrain himself from doing likewise. Now Hannibal joined in the sport,
+then Quentin, then Noah, then Ratchett, and, so exciting did the chase
+become, soon all the force were frantically running about the fields
+with the lively monarch, while Boadicea remained by the carriage and
+darned his old stockings.
+
+At last the King grew tired, and they all came back to the road and
+resumed their march. The tiresome sovereign now insisted on the Ancient
+Mariner removing his burden to the rear, complaining that the
+absent-minded creature would stare at him, and that he did not wish to
+be gazed at or wondered at. 'Time enough for that,' said he, 'when I'm
+on my throne again.' Having effected this change in the order of the
+procession, they now marched on without further interruption from the
+King.
+
+Towards nightfall they drew near to the sea, on the shores of which they
+hoped to spend the night. Bill being, as usual, a little in advance of
+the others, was the first to descend to the sands, seated on which he
+discovered, to his great astonishment, three young children weeping
+bitterly, and near to them, in the same state of grief, he beheld an
+old gentleman seated upon a rock. But what aroused his astonishment even
+more than their extreme wretchedness, was the fact that the three
+children were all exactly alike in every particular,--the same size, the
+same hair, the same eyes,--in fact, there was no perceptible difference
+of any kind between them. Now and again, one of the children would
+endeavour to comfort the old man, and he again would attempt to perform
+the like kindly office for them. Wondering what could so upset such
+worthy creatures, Bill approached and besought them to confide to him
+their troubles, that he might try to relieve them to the best of his
+ability. Their tears, however, effectually prevented them from replying
+at once to him. Giving them a little time to recover, Bill again
+addressed them. 'Who are you?' said he, and they all answered between
+their sobs, 'We are the Duchess of Blowdripping and her two sisters,
+Mellinid and Edil.'
+
+'Which of you,' asked Bill, 'is the Duchess?'
+
+'That's what we don't know,' they replied. 'We only know that she is
+neither Mellinid nor Edil.'
+
+'Then who of you is Mellinid, and who Edil?' again queried the puzzled
+Bill.
+
+'That's what all the trouble's about,' they tearfully rejoined. 'All we
+can tell you for certain is that neither of them is the Duchess,' and
+the poor little creatures redoubled their cries.
+
+More puzzled than ever, and quite at a loss to find any clue to their
+troubles, Bill again besought them to relieve their minds by confiding
+in him. Then one of the little creatures stood up and, after drying her
+eyes, addressed Bill in the following way:--
+
+[Illustration: ENDEAVOURING TO COMFORT THE OLD MAN]
+
+'As you have most likely guessed, we are triplets, and were christened
+Blaura, Mellinid and Edil, after three great-aunts renowned for their
+intelligence and their many virtues. From our earliest days we were so
+much alike that each had to wear a different coloured hair-ribbon to
+distinguish her from her sisters. Blaura wore red, Mellinid blue, and
+Edil green. Our affectionate parents, the late Duke and Duchess of
+Blowdripping, died when we were barely six months old, and we were all
+left in charge of our uncle, the benevolent gentleman you see weeping on
+my left. Before the thoughtful creatures expired, feeling that their end
+was drawing near, they were faced with the difficult problem as to which
+of us should be the new Duchess; all of us, as I have said before, being
+of the same age. Of course, I need not tell you that it was quite out of
+the question we should all inherit the title; three young ladies trying
+to be one duchess would be absurd in the extreme. So our intelligent and
+resourceful mother and father decided, after much deliberation with the
+family solicitor, and the vicar of the parish, that Blaura should
+succeed to the title and all the dignities of the Duchy of Blowdripping
+when she arrived at the age of eight years, and that, at the same time,
+Mellinid should become the owner of Blowdripping Hall, with its
+priceless collections of pictures, old china, fossils and foreign
+stamps, and Edil become the possessor of the Blowdripping Park, in which
+the Hall is so pleasantly situated, with its herds of hedgehogs, elands
+and gnu. I am sure you will agree with me that no more just division of
+their great possessions could have been devised by the fair-minded
+couple. Our uncle was kindness itself, ever watching us with the
+affectionate care of a mother. He was always at hand to look to our
+comforts, and to see that no danger drew nigh, whether we were bathing
+in the marble fountains of the courtyard, taking the air in the park, or
+sleeping in our tastefully-decorated bedroom.
+
+'One beautiful summer's afternoon, when we were about one year old, we
+had been taken on to the verandah to enjoy our afternoon nap, in order
+that we might have advantage of the delightful breeze that blew across
+the woods from the sea. As usual our uncle was near by, and so soothing
+was the air that, unable to resist its drowsy influence, he, too, soon
+dozed off. Unfortunately we awakened before our unconscious nurse, and
+immediately rolled out of our cradles, and crawled along the pavement of
+the verandah. Great sport we had, I have no doubt, as children will, and
+certain it is that, attracted by their brilliant colours, we lost no
+time in removing from each other's heads our distinguishing ribbons, and
+speedily mixing them up. However, at length, and too late, our baby
+laughter awakened the old gentleman from his sleep. Too great for words
+was the astonishment of the unhappy man when he beheld us all shuffled
+up and mixed in this deplorable way upon the pavement. Bitterly he
+accused himself of wicked negligence for allowing such a thing to
+happen, for so alike were we without our distinguishing ribbons, that he
+could never hope to know one from the other again. He thought, and
+thought, and thought for the whole afternoon, but at the end he was no
+nearer discovering again which was the future Duchess, which Mellinid,
+and which Edil. At last, he gave it up in despair. Henceforth we were
+known only collectively as the future Duchess and her two sisters, but
+which is the Duchess, and which the two sisters, will remain for ever a
+mystery.
+
+[Illustration: WE GREW UP IN COMPARATIVE HAPPINESS]
+
+[Illustration: He was always at hand]
+
+'Nevertheless, we grew up in comparative happiness until yesterday, the
+fateful day when we all became eight years of age. Before
+breakfast, and with all due solemnity, our faithful uncle handed over to
+us the control and guardianship of the Blowdripping possessions, which
+had been entrusted to him until we should arrive at our present age,
+but, alas! we could not avail ourselves of the good provision made for
+us by our thoughtful parents, as neither one of us knew which of us we
+were. The Duchess, as head of the family, could not give her consent to
+anything, or advance any money for the housekeeping as, for all she
+knew, she might be one of her own sisters, in which case she would have
+been touching that which did not rightly belong to her. For the same
+reason Mellinid, not knowing who she herself was, could not give her
+consent to our remaining at the Hall, and likewise Edil could not allow
+the magnificent house still to occupy its lovely situation in the
+Blowdripping Park. After talking the matter over, and over again, we
+have come to the conclusion that, without the permission of the proper
+owners, which, you will see, it is impossible for us to obtain, the only
+course open to us was to abandon our riches, and to leave the park and
+the castle for ever. Our good uncle, putting all the blame for our
+troubles upon his own negligence, insisted on accompanying us.'
+
+At the conclusion of this strange story Bill was certainly aghast at the
+very difficult problem put before him, and quite at a loss to offer any
+solution. He therefore conducted the trembling triplets and their
+grief-stricken uncle before the King, who had in the meantime arrived
+upon the shore. Bill explained the difficult position in which the poor
+young things found themselves; but, wise as he undoubtedly was, the King
+for some time could make nothing whatever of it. He called all his
+officers and soldiers round him, and they formed one great semicircle,
+of which he was the centre; the triplets were then placed before him,
+and he at once proceeded to question them.
+
+'Have you,' said he, addressing the first triplet, 'any idea as to which
+of the three of you you really are?'
+
+'None whatever,' answered the child.
+
+He then repeated the same question to the other triplets, and received
+the same answer.
+
+'Come now,' continued the King, in a cheerful voice, 'does any one of
+you feel at all like a duchess?'
+
+'We don't know how a duchess should feel,' they all replied.
+
+The King here frowned severely and ground his teeth.
+
+'Now, one of you must be telling an untruth,' said he, 'for one of you,
+as you say, is the Duchess, and must know exactly how she feels, which
+must be how a duchess feels. Come now, which of you is she?' And the
+quick-tempered monarch knit his brows into the most terrible folds.
+'Unless that one is one of her own sisters and not the Duchess,' he
+roared, 'she ought to be ashamed of her deceit, and severely punished;
+and if, indeed, she is not the Duchess, then she ought to be punished
+all the same. I've half a mind to have the three of you smacked hard,
+that I may at least be certain of punishing the right one.'
+
+Bill suggested timidly that perhaps this would be rather unfair, as two
+of them at least would be unjustly punished.
+
+'But which two?' snapped the irritated King. 'How can any of them feel
+unjustly treated if she doesn't know whether she's the guilty one or
+not?' And he worked himself into a terrible fury, and strode up and down
+the sands, no one daring to approach him. Suddenly, without any warning
+of his intention, he ran down to the sea, and removing his shoes and
+stockings, cooled his temper by paddling his feet in the sea-water. In a
+little time he returned, his excitement much allayed, and soon the cries
+of the distracted and unhappy triplets, together with the pitiful sighs
+of the dejected uncle, entirely assuaged the wrath of the sympathetic,
+though quick-tempered, old man.
+
+When he once more resumed his place before the three children the storm
+had passed, and a sweet, good-natured smile enlivened his homely old
+face, and charmed all beholders.
+
+'Well, well, well,' said he, 'triplets will be triplets after all, and
+uncles uncles, all the world over.'
+
+He at once resumed the inquiry, and placing his hand kindly on the head
+of the second triplet he now addressed the first in the following way:--
+
+'Let us suppose for the moment that you happen to know which of your
+sisters this particular one really is, who, in that case, would the
+third one be, if she (the third) were not Mellinid?'
+
+'Either Edil or the Duchess,' promptly replied the intelligent child.
+
+'Quite right,' said the King encouragingly, 'Now as this is not so, and
+you certainly do not know which of your sisters this one happens to be,
+the reverse must be true, so that if your other sister is neither Edil
+nor the Duchess, who must she be?'
+
+'Mellinid, of course,' readily answered the child, and every one
+applauded and wondered at the wisdom of the King.
+
+'It only now remains,' proceeded the King, addressing the first and
+second triplets 'to discover which of you is Edil and which the
+Duchess.' Placing his hand once more upon the head of the second
+triplet, he again addressed the first.
+
+'Suppose, for the sake of argument, that this sister of yours whom we
+now know not to be Mellinid were Mellinid and Mellinid the Duchess, in
+that case you would assuredly be Edil. Now as you cannot suppose this
+sister to be Mellinid when you know she is not, and the Duchess is the
+Duchess and not Mellinid, then our supposition must be wrong and the
+reverse true, so that Mellinid remains Mellinid and, as we say you are
+not Edil, then this little girl must be she.' Then shaking the first
+triplet by the hand, the complacent old potentate said in
+conclusion:--'And you, my dear creature, are thus proved to be neither
+Edil nor Mellinid but Blaura, the charming Duchess of Blowdripping, to
+whom I offer my hearty congratulations.' The cheerful soul now embraced
+the three children, and when he had a hand free he slapped the old
+uncle, who now looked the very picture of happiness, several times upon
+the back.
+
+[Illustration: THE TRIPLETS ACCOMPANY THE ARMY]
+
+Cheers were raised again and again at the unheard-of wisdom of the King
+of Troy. The old uncle completely exhausted himself by leaping high into
+the air over and over again, while the triplets were beyond themselves
+with joy at such a successful end to their troubles.
+
+So delighted were the triplets with their new friends that, during
+breakfast the next morning, they announced their intention of
+accompanying them to their journey's end, and entrusted the care of the
+Blowdripping estate to their old uncle until they should return. The
+camp packed up and when every one was ready to continue the journey,
+they all took an affectionate leave of the old man and marched on.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: GOOD AUNT GALLADIA]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+GOOD AUNT GALLADIA
+
+
+At first the King seemed disposed to be not a little irritable towards
+the triplets, murmuring something to himself about the extra expense. A
+good lunch, however, soon put him to rights, and he was his old cheerful
+self again.
+
+In the afternoon they met upon the road a long thin man with a grin of
+the greatest self-satisfaction widening his otherwise narrow face. In
+one hand he carried a cage containing a miserable old bird that could
+hardly boast an egg-cupful of feathers on its whole shrivelled body; in
+the other he carried a large wooden box. He very good-naturedly stood
+aside for the army to move on, but the King, whose curiosity had been
+aroused, would not allow him to be passed unquestioned, so he rang a
+little bell he always carried with him for the purpose, and the whole
+force at once stopped short. In obedience to a signal from the King, the
+long man stepped jauntily before him. 'Anything wrong, old chirpy?' said
+he, addressing the King rather rudely as some thought. 'Not with me,'
+the King replied with much dignity. 'My only reason for calling you
+before me is to learn why you are so extremely pleased with yourself.
+Such a secret would be of the greatest value to us all.' 'Because she's
+given these back to me,' answered the long fellow as he opened his box
+and disclosed, all neatly arranged, a beautiful collection of birds'
+eggs. Every kind appeared to be there, and all of the most beautiful
+colours imaginable.
+
+'But who is she?' queried the King.
+
+'Why, my good Aunt Galladia, of course, but it's too long a story to
+tell standing up, so let us sit down by the roadside, and you shall hear
+all about it.'
+
+Every one now seated themselves on the grass by the side of the road and
+over a comforting cup of tea, speedily brewed by Boadicea, the long man
+began his story:--
+
+'My good aunt's full name was Galladia Glowmutton, and she was the only
+daughter of that gallant general, Sir Francis Melville Glowmutton, who
+distinguished himself so greatly in the defence of his country.
+
+'It was my good fortune to spend my earliest days in this good
+creature's company, she, noble soul that she was, having undertaken to
+look after me when my poor father and mother disappeared in a sand-storm
+many years before.
+
+'The greater part of her life this good woman had devoted to brightening
+the declining years of her well-loved father, whose arduous life, poor
+man, had left him in his old age, truth to tell, rather a tiresome, and
+sometimes a difficult, subject to get on with. However, thanks to her
+devotion and patience, he led a tolerably happy life. In the course of
+time the old warrior died and left the sorrowing lady well provided
+for,--that is, over and beyond necessaries, with sufficient money to
+keep up appearances, and even enough for her simple pleasures and
+hobbies.
+
+'For some months my good aunt could not fill the blank in her life left
+by the loss of her father. So much kindness, however, could not be kept
+back for long, and was bound in the course of time to find its object.
+Always with a love for every feathered creature, she at last set about
+gathering around her as complete a collection of them as she could
+obtain. Soon she had in her aviaries the most marvellous assembly of
+birds ever brought together even at the Zoo. There were specimens of the
+Paraguay gull, Borneo parrots, Australian gheck ghees, the laughing
+grete, Malay anchovy wren that only feeds upon anchovies (and very
+amusing indeed it is, too, to watch them spearing the little fish with
+their beaks and then trying to shake them off again), and the
+golden-crested mussel hawk, that swoops down from an incredible height
+and, snatching its prey from the rocks, again disappears in the sky.
+Without wearying you with a long list, nearly every known bird was
+represented in my aunt's collection, from the fierce saw-beaked stork of
+Tuscaroca to the mild and pretty little Gossawary chick.
+
+'Much as she prized every one of her pets, she loved most of all the
+very rare and beautiful green-toed button crane of Baraboo. So fond was
+she of the stately creature, and so careful of its every comfort, that
+she employed a maid to wait on it alone, and a special cook to prepare
+its meal of Peruvian yap beans, the delicious and tender kernels of
+which the dainty creature was inordinately fond of,--and, indeed, they
+were the only food upon which it throve.
+
+'Now, with your permission, a few words about myself. Like my aunt I,
+too, had birdish leanings, but unlike her in this, that instead of birds
+I collected birds' eggs, of which I had a vast number of every
+conceivable variety. Ashamed as I am to state it, little did my good
+Aunt Galladia know how many of the valuable specimens in my collection
+were taken from her aviaries. Nevertheless she viewed my specimens with
+growing suspicion, until at last she implicitly forbade me to collect
+any more. For a time I desisted, and merely contented myself with
+gloating over my already vast collection, but in a little while
+temptation became too strong for me and I resumed my pursuits.
+
+'One afternoon about this time I had mounted a tall tree in the
+Glowmutton Park, intent on obtaining the contents of a nest built in its
+highest branches. For some time I was unable to approach the nest, but
+at length, by dint of much perseverance, I just managed to reach my hand
+over the top, and took therefrom three beautiful eggs, of a kind as yet
+unrepresented in my collection. So occupied was I with my prize, that I
+did not at first observe what was taking place beneath the tree. But on
+beginning to descend, I saw to my horror immediately below me, my Aunt
+Galladia and her pet crane seated at tea, with the crane's maid in
+attendance.
+
+[Illustration: I JUST MANAGED TO REACH THE EGGS]
+
+'Needless to say I did not continue my descent, but climbed out to the
+end of a branch, high over the group. I waited in dreadful suspense in
+the hope that my aunt would not look up, and that they would soon finish
+their meal and depart as quickly as they had arrived, but, alas! they
+were in no hurry. I trembled now so much that I could hear the leaves
+rustling on the branch, and whether it was that in my fear I loosened my
+hold, or that the branch shook so under my trembling form, or whether
+the sight of a beautiful plum cake, directly over which I was poised,
+made me lose my nerve, I know not, but certain it is that I fell from my
+position right on to the table. Both my aunt and the maid fainted at
+once quite away, and the timid green-toed button crane of Baraboo was in
+such a terrible flutter that in its excitement it snapped the slender
+gold chain that held it and flew into the sky, where it was soon lost to
+view. "Now I've done it," thought I, and, no doubt, should have run away
+had I been able to move, but I was so bruised that I was compelled to
+remain among the shattered remains of the table and tea things.
+Presently the maid came to, and then my aunt, and nothing could exceed
+her rage and grief at losing her valuable pet. They took me home between
+them and put me to bed, and the severest punishment they could devise
+was to take away from me my lovely collection of eggs. "Never,"
+shrieked my wrathful aunt, "shall you have these again until you bring
+back to me my beautiful crane."
+
+[Illustration: I ANGLE THE AIR]
+
+'After a while I recovered, but no one dared to speak to me, and I moped
+about the house in solitary wretchedness without a single egg to
+contemplate.
+
+'At last I could bear it no longer, and one night I left the house
+determined never to return again without the crane. I took with me an
+old perambulator, in which I had been wheeled about as a child, and
+in this I placed six of the delicious kernels of the Peruvian yap bean,
+besides a hatchet and other things which I thought might be useful on my
+journey. I slept in the forest and, on the following morning I cut down
+the straightest tree I could find for my purpose, trimmed it to a fine
+long pole, and on the very top of this I fastened a pin, bent to the
+form of a fish-hook, which I now baited with one of the yap kernels.
+
+[Illustration: I fell from my position]
+
+[Illustration: I ERECTED MY POLE ON THE SANDS]
+
+'"If anything will attract the bird, this will," thought I, having
+fastened the foot of the pole to my perambulator. I now proceeded to
+angle the air for the lost crane. Carefully following the direction I
+had observed the bird to take when it broke away from its chain, I
+travelled for weeks and weeks, without seeing any sign of it. In time,
+without even a nibble, the first kernel was dissolved and worn away by
+the wind and rain, and, in like manner the same fate overcame the
+second, with which I baited my hook; then the third, then the fourth,
+and then the fifth.
+
+'Still keeping the same direction, by this time I had arrived at the
+very edge of the world, beyond which there is nothing but sea and sky.
+Believing that the poor creature had flown out over this lonely sea, and
+hoping that it might return when it realised that there was no land
+beyond, I determined to wait on the desolate shore.
+
+'I now erected my pole on the sands, after once more baiting my hook,
+this time with a piece of my last kernel, having taken the precaution of
+cutting it into six pieces. I now waited patiently, week after week,
+subsisting on the oysters, the starfish, and the edible crustaceans,
+that wandered tamely about the shore. Months now passed by, and, one by
+one, the five pieces of my last yap kernel had followed the other five
+kernels with which I had set out from home. I am not easily beaten,
+however, and though many months had passed by without my meeting with
+any success, I would not give in, but husbanded my last piece of bait
+with the greatest care. I cut a chip of wood from my angling pole, and
+shaped it in the form of a kernel of the Peruvian yap bean. This I
+rubbed well all over with the tiny piece of the real kernel that yet
+remained to me, until it assumed somewhat the colour of the original
+bean and, certainly, when applied to the tip of the tongue, it appeared
+to partake, though very slightly, it is true, of the original flavour,
+and with this I once more baited my hook.
+
+[Illustration: ITS OLD STATELY SELF AGAIN]
+
+'By this means I made my last piece of bean last for some years, for as
+soon as the artificial bean had lost its flavour, I rubbed it up again
+with the real one. But even this could not go on for ever, and, at last,
+the true piece was worn right away; so, to preserve what little flavour
+there yet remained of the true bean in the false bean, on which it had
+been so often rubbed, I soaked it for six days in a large shell of
+rain-water. In the meantime I cut another chip from my pole, and spent
+nearly six days in carving out another artificial kernel. Before
+baiting my hook with this, I dipped it into the fluid in which the old
+wooden kernel was still soaking, whence it received a very very faint
+suggestion of the original flavour, but so faint was this that it had to
+be redipped three times a day. This went on for some time, until the
+precious liquor began to run low, and I was compelled to dilute it still
+further, in the proportion of about five drops to a mussel-shellful of
+water, into which the wooden kernel was now dipped ten or twelve times a
+day.
+
+'Well, I had been at this game, I should say, getting on for twenty
+years, and now resolved to have done with it, after risking all on one
+throw. So I dropped my wooden kernel, all rotted and weather-beaten as
+it was, into what little there remained over of the pure liquor, this
+time without diluting it at all, and then let it stew all day in the
+sun.
+
+'In the evening the liquor was all evaporated, and the wooden bean
+seemed to the taste as though it possibly might have been in the
+vicinity of a real one some time before. On that evening, for the last
+time, I baited my hook and slept soundly at the foot of the pole.
+
+'I was awakened next morning by the wind that had arisen during the
+night, and a great wrenching noise, as it tore my poor old angling-pole
+from its place in the sand, and carried it out to sea.
+
+'"That settles it once and for all," thought I, much relieved, "and I'm
+off home," and I set about getting my things together. While I was thus
+engaged, it occurred to me that the old pole might be useful for fires,
+so I swam out for it. Already it had been blown some way out to sea,
+and, as the tide was against me, it was only with a very great exertion
+of strength that I gained at all upon it, and I was just about to give
+it up when I beheld, fastened to the bent pin at the end of the pole,
+the wretched crane. The sight lent me greater strength, and, after
+incredible exertions, I reached the pole almost exhausted. We were now
+too far from the shore to attempt to return, so I got astride the pole,
+and immediately proceeded to unfasten the unhappy fowl from my bent pin.
+At first I thought the poor thing dead, but I nursed it in my arms all
+through the ensuing night, and, on the following morning, happening to
+glance down its half-opened beak, I could just see that my wooden
+imitation of the kernel of the Peruvian yap bean had become lodged in
+its throat. This I at once removed, and, to my great joy, the dejected
+fowl almost immediately opened its eyes. Soon it became its old stately
+self again, though now I could see that the poor thing had aged very
+considerably since it left home.
+
+'Well, to cut a long story short, at length the gale ceased, and we
+landed safely on the shore, much nearer to our home, and, after many
+vicissitudes and adventures, of which I shall have great pleasure in
+telling you at another time, we eventually arrived at Glowmutton
+Castle.
+
+'To my grief I learnt that my good aunt, Galladia, had died many years
+before of old age, and that, true to her own good-nature, her last
+commands were that if ever I should return with her dearly-loved fowl,
+my collection of eggs was to be handed back to me, and in recompense for
+all my privations and exertions to recover the bird, I was to have the
+care of it and the comfort of its society as long as it lived. So, now
+you see why I am so pleased with myself.'
+
+The King and the whole army were charmed with the recital, and the long
+man, whose many noble qualities had already endeared him to them, was
+cordially invited to join the forces.
+
+'It's all one to me, my cronies,' said the good-natured creature, and
+they all trudged on.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE DOCTOR]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE DOCTOR
+
+
+For many days they had now travelled without meeting with any adventure,
+when one evening they saw coming towards them a bright young lad, who
+was leading by the hand an exceedingly learned-looking old gentleman.
+Their appearance was such as to arouse the King's curiosity to such a
+degree that he asked the boy the time as he was passing, and then, when
+all stood still in the road, he led the talk from one thing to another
+until at last, emboldened by their friendliness, the King came to the
+point, and asked the lad who he was and whence he had come.
+
+The two strangers then sat down at the side of the road, and the lad
+thus addressed the King:--
+
+'You may not believe it, but I am the original Ptolemy Jenkinson, the
+only and well-beloved nephew of that great and celebrated doctor,
+Ebenezer Scrout, whom you now see at my side. When, a trembling orphan,
+I was thrown upon an unfeeling world, he alone of my numerous uncles,
+aunts, so-called friends and guardians, undertook to find me a
+comfortable and even luxurious home, and so to educate me that I might
+prove worthy of occupying the exalted position for which I am destined.
+
+'Uncle Ebenezer was my mother's brother and, a true Scrout, he inherited
+all his good qualities from my grandfather, Phelim Scrout, the
+well-known turfcutter, from whom, by the way, I inherit most of
+mine--but of these it does not become me to speak.
+
+'Many people, jealous perhaps of his great fame, have ridiculed my
+uncle's claim to be a member of this ancient family, but to set this
+matter for ever at rest, I have here copied a few notes from the
+Scroutean genealogical tree, preserved in the archives of the family.'
+Ptolemy Jenkinson here took from his pocket and handed to Bill a sheet
+of paper upon which the following notes were written in a clear bold
+hand:--
+
+  MISTS OF THE PAST
+
+                       PHELIM SCROUT = MOLLY?
+         (The well-known turfcutter) |
+                                     |
+                ----------------------------------
+                |                                |
+           TOD SCROUT = MANDY M'GUIRE          PEARL (died of
+                      |                        megrims at an
+                      |                          early age)
+                      |
+   ------------------------------------------------------
+   |        |         |           |            |        |
+  LU    EBENEZER    MANDY    CASSANDRA =      WAT      LIL
+                            TOM JENKINSON
+                                  |
+                               PTOLEMY
+
+When these had been examined by the company, Ptolemy resumed his tale:--
+
+'Uncle Eb, as I very soon learned to call him, was ever the victim of
+his own generous heart. Continually adopting people, both old and young,
+he was doomed to be taken advantage of by those to whom he was most
+kind. How well can I remember, amongst many another ungrateful adopted
+son, uncle, aunt or cousin, young Sigurd, the birthday-monger, who
+entered the family about the same time as myself. It was he who secretly
+wrote his name on each page of Uncle Eb's birthday-book and received a
+present every day from the absent-minded old gentleman until he was
+discovered writing his name twice on some pages and was straightway
+disadopted.
+
+[Illustration: FAR SOONER HAVE THE MUMPS]
+
+'Not alone to his own family circle was the doctor's kindness
+confined; it extended to all with whom he came in contact. Before
+sending in his bills he always provided his patients with enough money
+to pay them, and promptly returned the cash with the receipts, deducting
+only one penny for the stamp in each case.
+
+'Invariably most sympathetic with his suffering patients, he spent many
+years of his noble life in studying how to make his medicines as
+pleasant and sweet to the taste as the most delightful confections ever
+placed upon the Lord Mayor's table, while his greatest endeavour was
+always to make a period of sickness one also of pleasurable relaxation
+for his patients.
+
+'In time the children went mad with excitement, and jumped for very joy
+on learning that they had contracted measles, and would far sooner, any
+day, have the mumps than a birthday every week. And oh! what thrills of
+joy would pass through their little frames on learning that they would
+have to lie up for a bilious attack and be attended by the good-natured
+Doctor Ebenezer Scrout, and treated with his delicious jalaps and
+powders.
+
+'Unfortunately, however, so pleasant was the treatment, that the
+children in time were even tempted to make themselves ill on purpose, by
+eating as many jam puffs as they could buy with their Saturday monies,
+and soon nearly every child was down with a bad bilious attack, and all
+the schools had to be closed.
+
+'Even the grown-ups began to indulge in these jam puffs, buying them in
+large quantities and falling ill one by one, much preferring to be
+tucked up snugly in bed with a comfortable bilious attack and the
+good-natured doctor in attendance, to ordinary good health and hard
+work, with the many disappointments and trials of everyday life.
+
+'First the Lord Mayor was taken bad--then the leader of the town band
+and all his bandsmen. Now the shopmen began to feel queer, and one by
+one the aldermen toddled to their beds. In time everybody was laid up,
+and no one was left to do the work of the town. All the shops, theatres,
+markets, and railway stations were closed, and the streets quite
+deserted except for the doctor and the puff baker, each trying to undo
+the work of the other.
+
+'Hardly a sound could be heard in the streets except perhaps the clink
+of a spoon against a bottle from a room above, as some patient prepared
+his evening dose, or the shuffling footsteps of the old doctor as he
+went his daily round, and sometimes the loud rat-tat of the puff baker
+would awaken the echoes of the lonely streets as he called from door to
+door for orders in the morning.
+
+'Strange grasses and sweet-scented wild flowers began to grow in the
+streets, and mushrooms and straggling carrots forced a way between the
+crevices of the pavements. Sprays of wild spinach hung from the
+lamp-posts, and the market-place became one waving jungle of broccoli.
+The very sparrows, deprived of their daily crumbs, grew thin and nervy
+with the green diet they were compelled to subsist upon. Croaking and
+griding, instead of chirruping musically to their young as is their
+wont, they so affected the good-hearted doctor that he could never pass
+them without some cheering word, and never could he withstand the
+beseeching look in their eyes. Within doors the prospect was hardly more
+encouraging. Strong vegetable-marrows twined their branches and their
+many tendrils round the table legs and the chairs; great turnips
+stoutened and burst upon the stairs; spring onions bristled in the
+corners of the Lord Mayor's dining-hall, while his grand piano was
+completely hidden in the gorgeous festoons of mint that, unchecked, had
+run a ragged riot about the place.
+
+[Illustration: THE PUFF BAKER]
+
+'At last, after two months of sickness, and despite every attention and
+kindness on the part of the doctor, the patients began to weary of being
+ill and kept to their beds for so long. The Lord Mayor was the first to
+arise and, although very weak in the legs, he managed to crawl to the
+top of the stairs, and looking down, beheld, to his dismay, the dreadful
+state of ruin in which everything was involved. He called for his
+servants as loudly as his weakness would allow him, and, obtaining no
+reply, he scrambled down the stairs on his hands and knees, and
+clamoured shrilly for a cut from the joint. As, of course, there was no
+one to procure this for him nor, indeed, any joint from which to
+procure a cut, he boiled himself an egg, and was able to survey the
+scene more calmly.
+
+[Illustration: TREATED WITH DELICIOUS JALAPS]
+
+'Presently the aldermen crawled down one by one, then the shopmen, then
+the bandsmen, and, finally, the rest of the inhabitants, disturbed by
+the weeping and yells of those already arisen, struggled downstairs, and
+in agony beheld the general devastation.
+
+'Resolved not to touch another drop of the doctor's medicine, they
+satisfied the cravings of their hunger, which now began to be felt, on
+the wild marrows, turnips, and mushrooms that everywhere abounded, and
+by degrees regained a little of their former vigour.
+
+[Illustration: The Lord Mayor held a long council]
+
+'The Lord Mayor and aldermen, already feeling a little more comfortable,
+held a long council, at which it was decided that it would be less
+expensive to burn the old town, and to build a new one on its site, than
+to try and clear up the old one. It was also decided to arrest the
+unfortunate doctor, whom they all now joined in accusing as the cause of
+their trouble, and bring him to trial.
+
+[Illustration: AS SOME PATIENT PREPARED HIS DOSE]
+
+'In the course of time the town was rebuilt, and the doctor was the
+first prisoner to stand on his trial at the new Town Hall.
+
+'On the appointed day the Hall was crammed to its utmost, as at one time
+the prisoner had been much loved and looked up to by his
+fellow-townsmen.
+
+'When the Lord Mayor arrived in state, between two Admirals of the
+Fleet, and took his seat, the foreman of the jury awakened his
+brother-jurors, who had been dozing off, and called for three cheers for
+the Lord Mayor, in which everybody joined. The Lord Mayor made no reply,
+except to frown severely at the foreman, and proceeded at once with the
+business in hand. "Lock all the doors and bring in the prisoner," cried
+he in a loud voice, after clearing his throat. The doors were instantly
+locked, but some confusion arose when it was discovered that they could
+not bring in the prisoner unless one were unlocked again. On this being
+very politely pointed out to the Lord Mayor (who did not seem quite to
+like being corrected), he altered his order, and cried out: "Bring in
+the prisoner, and lock all the doors." Immediately the band struck up
+the most martial music and the prisoner was brought in, tied tightly
+with twine, sealed with red sealing-wax, and guarded by a squad of
+infantry, who at once formed fours, and marked time for the rest of the
+afternoon.
+
+'When the music had ceased, and the general excitement caused by the
+entrance of the prisoner had subsided, the Lord Mayor politely requested
+him to take a seat, which he very gladly did, on being untied by the
+policeman.
+
+'Now, as every one knew that the doctor had really been the cause of all
+the trouble, the only point to be decided at the trial was whether he
+had done it intentionally or not, and the Lord Mayor addressed him
+accordingly, asking him if he had anything to say upon the subject. The
+doctor happened to be thinking of something else at the moment and,
+moreover, had his head turned in another direction, watching a fly on
+the window of the hall, so that he did not hear the question. The Lord
+Mayor waited about a quarter of an hour for an answer, and receiving
+none, he called, in an annoyed tone, for the witnesses for the
+prosecution.
+
+[Illustration: THE VERY SPARROWS GREW THIN]
+
+'The principal witness for the prosecution was a Sicilian char-woman,
+whose evidence was translated by one of the many aldermen present to
+assist in case of need. It appeared that in her young days she had made
+the acquaintance of a young and handsome Sicilian waiter, a distant
+cousin, and a native of the village in which she was born. So friendly
+did they become in time that he had confided to her many of the secrets
+of his life, and, amongst others, one that had weighed very heavily upon
+his mind. Some time previously, when employed at a well-known
+refreshment hall, on the coast of Lombardy, he had waited upon a
+distinguished young gentleman of considerable means, and had overheard
+him whisper to a chance acquaintance, seated at the next table, that a
+friend of his, a tall dark man, had met a young lady at a whist-party,
+whose greatest friend had an aunt, formerly engaged to a well-meaning
+curate, who averred that his brother knew for certain that IT WAS DONE
+QUITE INTENTIONALLY BY ---- Here the waiter was called away to another
+client, and did not hear the rest of the sentence.
+
+'Now the Sicilian char-woman, on hearing this from her good friend, was
+much puzzled, and not knowing to whom the words might refer, made a
+mental note of it at the time. On reading of the arrest of the doctor,
+however, and of what he was accused, she concluded that there must be
+some connection between him and the man mentioned by the brother of the
+well-meaning curate formerly engaged to the aunt of the greatest friend
+of the young lady who was met at the whist party by the tall dark friend
+of the young gentleman of considerable means who, as you know, was
+waited upon by the Sicilian waiter at the well-known refreshment hall in
+Lombardy, so she had hastened from Sicily to tell her tale. At the
+conclusion of her evidence a murmur of admiration was heard all over the
+court, and the Lord Mayor was so charmed with her and the really
+pleasant way in which she had told her tale, that he lightly threw a
+half-crown to her across the hall, which she very neatly caught. She
+then sat down, amidst the cheers of the crowd.
+
+'The principal witness for the defence was a young journeyman tailor,
+who stated that on cleaning out the pockets of an old coat which had
+been left at his house for repairs by a dark gentleman of mysterious
+appearance, he had discovered an old envelope upon which he could just
+trace the figures 56--6.30 A.M. The coat was never called for, and the
+tailor pondered over the envelope, but could make nothing of it. He
+showed it to every policeman of his acquaintance, but not one could
+unravel the mystery, and, as a last resource, he procured an
+introduction to the principal policeman in the British Museum Library.
+This great man examined the envelope very carefully, but with no result,
+and the only advice he could give him was to call at every house
+numbered 56 at 6.30 in the morning and see what would happen.
+
+'The tailor followed this advice diligently for some time and met with
+many rebuffs, as he had nothing to say on the door being opened to him.
+At length one morning he came to an empty house numbered 56, the steps
+of which were littered with straw. Gazing hopelessly at this for some
+time, he noticed that three pieces pointed distinctly in one direction
+to the corner of the street, and you may well imagine his surprise when,
+on following the direction indicated by the straw, he came across this
+postcard.'
+
+Ptolemy Jenkinson here handed this torn postcard to the company.
+
+[Illustration: POSTCARD]
+
+Ptolemy again proceeded with his story:--
+
+'Now the tailor, more puzzled than ever, took the card home, and, after
+weeks of deep thinking, decided that the card must have been completed
+thus.'
+
+Ptolemy here handed the remaining portion of card, with the tailor's
+suggested completion, to the company.
+
+'You may guess the surprise of every one present when the tailor
+produced the completed card. The Lord Mayor gazed at it in astonishment.
+He turned it over and over, and suddenly noticing that there was a
+foreign stamp on the other side, he became more excited than ever, and
+asked if he might tear it off, as his son had rather a good collection.
+This the tailor readily allowed him to do, and this put the Lord Mayor
+in a good temper for the rest of the afternoon, and gave a more cheerful
+aspect to the case altogether.
+
+[Illustration: POSTCARD]
+
+'After the tailor's evidence, which, of course, proved that the doctor
+had not intended to bring about the harm of which he had been the
+unfortunate cause, there was nothing for the Lord Mayor to do but to
+acquit the prisoner, which he did, much to everybody's relief.
+
+'The Lord Mayor then retired, after ordering a new suit of clothes from
+the journeyman tailor, and inviting the Sicilian charwoman and the other
+witnesses to progressive whist and to be introduced to his family.
+
+'So, Gentlemen,' said Ptolemy in conclusion, 'my uncle and myself are
+quite free at last, and entirely at your service.'
+
+Such a valuable offer could not very well be refused, so, after
+explaining the object of the expedition to their new friends, the whole
+force moved joyfully on.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN
+AND THE BOY SCOUT]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN AND THE BOY SCOUT
+
+
+In due time the gallant army arrived at the little town of Killgruel, a
+very respectable place indeed, at which they spent the pleasantest of
+week-ends, entertained at 'At Homes,' soirees, and receptions, to any
+number of which every member of the expedition was invited during their
+brief stay. Bill and the King were the guests of the very respectable
+and Right Honourable Hesketh Fitzgreynib, the Mayor of Killgruel, who
+entertained them with the extremest gentility imaginable. So respectable
+and genteel was their host, that it had been said of him that never had
+he been known to don the same suit twice, having at the very least a new
+one every day; nor had he ever been seen to remove his lavender gloves
+even at meal times. It was also reported that, not content with bowing
+most politely to every one he met in the street, he behaved in a like
+genteel manner to all the pillar-boxes and lamp-posts that he passed
+upon his way, and that he always walked sideways down the street with
+his back to the wall, in order that he should not be compelled to turn
+it upon the passers-by. Whether these reports are true or not, it is
+certain that he was the most gentlemanly gentleman in all Killgruel, a
+town which could boast more elegant and refined people than any other
+town in the whole world.
+
+He was indeed the pride of Killgruel, and so respected by his
+fellow-townsmen, who valued him greatly for his exceptional
+gentlemanliness, that he was not allowed to soil his hands by so much as
+a stroke of work, but only to be respectable from morning to night. An
+intelligent boy scout was employed to look after him, and even to think
+for him, with orders never on any account to leave him, so that in time
+this respectable gentleman became very respectable indeed, and relying
+for almost everything on the intelligence and affection of the boy
+scout, who now performed for him even his duties as Mayor of Killgruel,
+the good man was enabled to devote his whole thoughts to the
+cultivation of his respectability.
+
+His good wife, the Lady Lilian Leankettle, who was extravagantly devoted
+to her husband, shone in the same brilliant manner, and was quoted as a
+model of gentility by all the good wives of the little community, while
+Bildith, their charming and handsome daughter, gave every promise of
+inheriting their interesting ways.
+
+But delightful as all this was to the band of warriors, on Monday
+morning they were compelled to resume their journey. It was, however, so
+early when they were ready to start that the gates of the town were not
+unlocked, so the Honourable Hesketh, with whom, as Mayor of Killgruel,
+the keys were always left at night, allowed the scout to take the keys
+and let the wanderers out. After a charmingly polite farewell from the
+Right Honourable Hesketh and others of their entertainers who had
+gathered by the town hall to see them off, the gallant band marched down
+the high street towards the only gate of the town, headed by the
+intelligent boy scout. From the first the King showed symptoms of being
+rather unmanageable, and Bill had great difficulty in getting him past
+the shops, which were now all taking down their shutters, and when they
+arrived at the sweet-stuff shop there was nothing for it but to go in
+and buy him some cocoanut ice.
+
+At length they managed to get clear of the gates, which were then
+closed with a bang behind them, and the last they saw of the intelligent
+boy scout was with the great town keys held firmly between his teeth, in
+order that he might hold with one hand the top of the wall to which he
+had hastily climbed, while with the other he waved a fond good-bye to
+the departing wanderers.
+
+With a great gurgling cry, which all took to be one of grief at their
+departure, the affectionate lad suddenly disappeared and the brave
+fellows resumed their march.
+
+Their road now took them across the mountains at the foot of which
+nestled the little town of Killgruel. Towards evening the noble fellows
+were crossing the highest peaks of the range, weary, and looking forward
+to their supper and a good night's rest, both of which they proposed to
+take in the woods on the other side of the mountains. Every one now
+began to notice that the old King seemed worried about something or
+other, and the further they marched the more fidgety he became, until at
+last, when they had nearly descended to the woods on the other side, the
+old aggravator called his general to him and said:--'Bill, did you
+happen to notice in the window of the principal sweet-stuff shop in the
+Killgruel high street, three fine fat sticks of liquorice leaning
+against the bottle containing the pear drops? Well, I can't get them out
+of my mind.' Bill tried to persuade him to forget them, and talked of
+many other things, in order to distract him from such thoughts.
+Presently he appeared to grow easier, and as he did not for some time
+again refer to the liquorice sticks, Bill was pleased to think that he
+had been successful in directing the old boy's thoughts into another
+channel. However, as they were unpacking their things in the woods at
+which they had now arrived and were lighting fires, preparatory to
+cooking their suppers, the truly exasperating creature again called Bill
+to him. 'Bill,' said he, with the most miserable face in the world,
+'it's no good. I can't forget 'em, try as I will. I don't want any of
+that nasty porridge I know they are about to prepare for supper. I must
+have some of those liquorice sticks.'
+
+Hiding his annoyance as much as he could, Bill tried to convince him how
+nice porridge really is and how good for him, but the discontented old
+man, who no doubt had been very much spoilt as a boy, would hear nothing
+of it. 'I don't want to be done good to,' cried he, 'and if I don't have
+those liquorice sticks to-night before I go to bed I know I shall get
+the fidgets and not be able to sleep a wink.'
+
+Bill now pointed out the difficulty of obtaining the liquorice, the
+distance being so great that it would be impossible to have it brought
+to the camp before midnight at the very earliest.
+
+The King, however, was obdurate, and Bill was now compelled, much
+against his will, to summon the whole army together and call for a
+volunteer to fetch the liquorice, but not one, not even the pluckful
+Chad, would venture to return alone to Killgruel along the dreary
+mountain road in the gathering night. Bill then suggested that two or
+three should return together and keep each other company, but it was of
+no avail. At last, the only way out of the difficulty that occurred to
+Bill was for half the army to return for the liquorice, and the other
+half to remain in the woods; but here yet another difficulty arose, for
+no one would stay in the woods with the army weakened to that extent.
+
+[Illustration: BOWING POLITELY TO THE PILLAR BOXES]
+
+At length Bill returned to the whimpering old potentate and once more
+endeavoured to dissuade him from his selfish purpose, but the more Bill
+talked, the more obstinate the old King became, and had it not been for
+the severe training Bill had had as a minder, he must assuredly have
+lost control of his temper.
+
+[Illustration: THE CHURCH STEEPLE HAD BEEN REMOVED]
+
+'I must have that liquorice,' whined the old grizzler, 'and if there is
+no other way of obtaining it the whole army must pack up sticks and
+return to Killgruel.'
+
+Many were the growls of discontent uttered by the poor fellows when Bill
+gave the necessary orders to pack up again and prepare to return over
+the mountains. Only by dint of the kindest words did he restrain a
+mutiny, encouraging them at the same time to humour the old baby and put
+up with his strange ways until he was restored to his throne, when, no
+doubt, he would make it up to them in many ways.
+
+In a little time the brave fellows were all on the march again, but the
+day was breaking by the time they arrived once more before the walls of
+Killgruel, all utterly tired, grumpy, and footsore. Bill strode up to
+the gates of the town, which, of course, at that time of the morning
+were still closed, and pulled the bell vigorously. He waited some time,
+and as there was no reply, he pulled the bell again, and then, after
+another interval, he rang it with all his force, but with no result
+whatever. He could now, however, hear a great muttering on the other
+side of the wall and considerable running to and fro, so he determined
+to wait patiently. At length the little wicket in the gate was opened
+and one of the Killgruellers looked out, and, recognising Bill and his
+comrades, hastily shut the wicket again after promising to fetch the
+Mayor.
+
+Bill now waited a very long time before the wicket opened again, and in
+the meantime his poor comrades, nearly overcome with their fatigue and
+their hunger, had set up their camp before the walls and prepared their
+breakfast, after eating which not one of them was able to keep his eyes
+open a moment longer, and all fell fast asleep before their fires. Even
+the old King dozed off and snored peacefully in his tent, forgetting,
+for the first time in twenty-four hours, the sticks of liquorice, upon
+the enjoyment of which he had so much set his heart.
+
+[Illustration: STANDING ALONE UPON THE WALLS]
+
+Bill alone of the whole force remained awake, and waited and waited, and
+as he stood before the gates of the little town, the noise within grew
+louder and louder until there was a terrific hub-bub within the walls.
+At last the wicket opened and the face of the respectable Mayor appeared
+in the little opening, but so altered that at first Bill hardly
+recognised his good host of the day before, so upset and disturbed did
+he seem.
+
+The poor man then in the most nervous manner explained that no one in
+the town had seen anything of the boy scout nor of the town keys since
+he had let the army out of the gate the previous morning, and until they
+found them it was, of course, impossible to let any one in. However, the
+good fellow (who certainly seemed rather helpless without his faithful
+attendant), besought Bill to wait patiently, as they had not yet given
+up hope of being able to open the gate. The wicket was again hurriedly
+closed, and Bill, sitting down by the gate, prepared to wait as
+patiently as he could. So tired, however, was the noble lad, that in
+spite of all his endeavours to remain awake he soon fell fast asleep.
+Long and deeply did he slumber, when he was awakened by a most terrible
+and deafening noise within the town, which had been growing greater and
+greater during his repose.
+
+Fortunately all in the camp, on account of their great fatigue, were so
+deep in sleep that the great uproar was unable to awaken them, but Bill
+at once stood up and scaled the walls to ascertain if possible the cause
+of the awful din.
+
+The hub-bub was truly deafening, and from his position on the walls Bill
+could see all over the little town, which was in a shocking state of
+confusion. The contents of every house were turned into the streets,
+and the distracted inhabitants everywhere hunting amongst the furniture
+and taking it to pieces in their search for the lost keys. Beds were cut
+open and discharged their feathers in great clouds that floated about
+the town; the church steeple had been removed and shaken, and the inside
+well scoured; many of the good people were descending chimneys attached
+to lines; pavements were lifted, cellars ransacked, the Town Hall taken
+to little pieces, old houses pulled down, pillar-boxes cleared out, and
+lamp-posts blown through by the perplexed and almost frantic
+Killgruellers in their efforts to find the lost keys. All the milk, the
+wine, the water, the lemonade and the gravy were being strained through
+butterfly nets or lawn tennis rackets, and, after melting it down, all
+the butter, dripping and lard was treated in the same way. The treacle
+tanks and great reservoirs of linseed tea were thoroughly dragged, but
+with no result whatever.
+
+A great procession of the townsmen nearly filled the high street which
+led from the gate to the further end of the town. One by one they
+approached the gates and tried every key they possessed. All kinds of
+keys, latch keys, watch keys, cupboard keys, box keys were tried, but
+not one could be found that would open the lock. To make matters even
+more unbearable, the respectable Mayor, to whom, of course, every one
+looked for direction and advice in their trouble, was of no earthly use
+whatever without his scout, upon whom he had so accustomed himself to
+rely, that he was perfectly helpless without him. His respectability,
+exert it as much as he would, made no difference of any kind upon the
+situation, except, perhaps, to place the poor man in everybody's way.
+
+[Illustration: DANGLING BY HIS LEGS]
+
+Bill returned to the King who, with the whole camp, was now wide awake,
+and wondering what on earth was taking place in the town. Bill at once
+hastened to explain the state of things, in the hope that the old man
+would at last give up all idea of the liquorice; but in this he was
+much mistaken, for, instead of replying to Bill, the grumpy old provoker
+turned sulky and would not say a word, so that there was nothing for the
+poor lad to do but to wait with what patience he could assume.
+
+The day declined, with no lessening of the terrific din within the town,
+and the gates remained obstinately closed. As evening approached, little
+clouds of smoke, with now and again a spurt of flame, could be seen
+rising from the other side of the walls. Presently a single Killgrueller
+was observed upon the walls, from which he nimbly leapt to the ground on
+the outer side, and made off round the base of the mountains, in an
+opposite direction to the camp. Now another appeared and disappeared in
+the same way; then another and another, and yet another, and then
+families of two, three, and four. At last whole crowds came scrambling
+over the walls, and vanished in the same direction, all carrying as many
+of their belongings as they could conveniently bring along with them.
+
+This went on until all the inhabitants, with the exception of the Mayor,
+had left the now blazing town, when he was seen standing alone upon the
+walls. Like the captain of a sinking ship, the noble fellow had waited
+until all had found safety before he sought it for himself. Bill
+hastened to assist him in his descent, and no sooner had the poor man
+reached the ground than Bill led him gently before the King and all the
+officers of the little army, who were assembled together watching
+the flames, and besought him to give them some explanation of these
+truly unaccountable proceedings of the Killgruellers.
+
+[Illustration: The Respectable Gentleman]
+
+'Alas! and alack-a-day!' sighed the unfortunate gentleman, 'allow me
+first of all to put four questions to you. Firstly, What is the good of
+a locked lock without a key?'
+
+They were all forced to admit that it was of no use whatever.
+
+'Secondly, What is the good of a gate with a useless lock that won't
+unlock?'
+
+No earthly use, all again admitted.
+
+'Thirdly, What is the use of a town if you can't get into it?'
+
+Of course, they all agreed there was only one answer to that.
+
+'And now, fourthly and lastly,' said the Mayor, 'What do you do with all
+useless things?'
+
+'Destroy them,' Bill promptly rejoined.
+
+'Exactly,' said the Right Honourable Hesketh, 'and that is what we have
+done with our now useless town, and all the inhabitants are hastening to
+build another town on the further side of the mountain, the gates of
+which shall always be nailed open in order that such a dreadful calamity
+may not occur again.'
+
+Bill somehow could not help thinking that there might have been another
+way out of the difficulty, but he did not like to say so. The old King
+at last realised that the Killgruel liquorice was not for him, so he
+offered no serious objections when Bill, early next morning, gave the
+necessary orders to pack up and prepare for the march, which they now
+resumed. The respectable gentleman preferred to remain with them rather
+than again face the unfortunate Killgruellers.
+
+They had not advanced very far upon their road, when Bill, who generally
+walked a little in advance of his troop, heard a strange clanking noise
+that appeared to proceed from a tall tree at the wayside. Wondering what
+odd bird possessed such an unmusical song, he allowed his gaze to wander
+thoughtfully among the leaves when, suddenly, what should he behold but
+the form of the vanished scout, dangling by his legs from a branch, and
+every time the tree was gently stirred by the breeze, there came forth
+upon the air this weird sound.
+
+Bill hastened to cut him down, but, to his unspeakable surprise, the
+unhappy young stripling cried, 'Don't, don't! the keys! the keys!' He
+then explained that when bidding farewell to them the other morning from
+the walls of Killgruel, in his excitement he had suddenly fallen back
+and swallowed the keys which, at the time, he had been holding between
+his teeth. Bill now recalled the strange cry that the poor lad had
+uttered as they left Killgruel on that occasion. However, in spite of
+his reluctance to be right side up again until he had recovered the
+keys, Bill insisted on fetching him down, and, in the severe struggle
+that ensued, the keys fell out of the boy's throat.
+
+When at length the army came upon the scene, nothing could exceed the
+joy of the respectable Mayor at beholding his good attendant, whom he
+had despaired of ever seeing again. He easily persuaded the willing
+young creature to remain with him, and share the fortunes of the King of
+Troy, and thus, with this very welcome addition to their forces, the
+gallant band marched on.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN
+
+
+Some weeks after leaving Killgruel, the noble little band entered a
+great forest, in the middle of which they overtook a stately char-woman;
+and no sooner did the Doctor behold her than he left the ranks, and
+going up to her, shook her kindly by the hand. He then introduced her to
+the King as the Sicilian Char-woman, and very chatty and pleasant she
+proved to be, and as she was travelling in the same direction, she
+graciously entertained them with the story of her life:--
+
+'You may indeed find it more than difficult to believe me when I aver
+that I am the daughter of an Arabian Prince, and that in my early years
+I was considered not merely the most intelligent, but also the most
+beautiful and fascinating creature in my father's dominion. As
+companions in my early childhood I had sixteen elder sisters, all of
+whom were blessed with singularly affectionate natures, and were
+generally declared to be only less beautiful and intelligent than
+myself. No care or expense was spared in our education and in fitting us
+for the truly exalted position it was hoped that we should occupy, as
+the daughters of a distinguished Arabian Prince. With this good end in
+view, the services were secured of the best of music-masters,
+dancing-masters, and instructors in the many graceful accomplishments
+that were becoming to our rank; yet, alas! with all that one could
+reasonably ask for, with every whim and wish gratified almost before it
+was expressed, with the most indulgent of parents, whose sole joy was to
+fill our lives with happiness, a settled melancholy by degrees possessed
+my soul and rendered me unfit to share the youthful pleasures of my
+sisters. It was not that I was in any way unmindful of all the kindness
+shown to me in countless ways, but that a craving, always with me since
+my earliest days, to see the wonderful world I had so often heard
+described in glowing terms, grew with me as time went by, and, weary of
+the idle life I led, I longed to use and develop in wider fields the
+great intelligence I had been gifted with.
+
+'At first, as was to be expected, my parents would not hear of my
+leaving them, but seeing that I grew sadder and more discontented day by
+day, they at length reluctantly gave their consent, for, after all, what
+greater wish had they than for my happiness.
+
+'After many consultations with the wisest men in my father's court, it
+was decided that I should take a course of instruction at the Royal
+Charing College of Sicily, and, on the fateful day, I took leave of my
+sorrowing parents and sisters, and, in charge of the Grand Vizier, left
+for Sicily.
+
+'With such good introductions as my father was easily able to command, I
+had no difficulty in gaining an entry to the College, in which I very
+soon learnt to distinguish myself. No lack of enthusiasm and industry
+did I bring to my tasks, and a native ability far above the average soon
+found opportunities for development, so that in the course of time I was
+discharged, a fully certified and perfected char-woman.
+
+'Since those early days my skill, my virtues, and my affections have
+been devoted to the welfare of many families, some of whom were
+undoubtedly good, some indifferent, while some again were undoubtedly
+bad. But without any question the worst household of all was that of the
+Pettigrew Leanmuffins, when first I devoted myself to the wellbeing of
+its members. Afterwards, however, as you shall hear, their trials,
+together with my disinterested conduct, wrought a reformation in their
+natures as astounding as it was welcome to all who knew them.
+
+'Mr. Pettigrew Leanmuffins himself, a man of some attainments, though
+ill-tempered and close to a degree bordering on meanness, had little
+enough to do with me, hardly ever, indeed, disguising his efforts to
+ignore my very existence; but no words at my command could describe the
+ungenerous nature of Mrs. Leanmuffins, who not only refused to concede
+any little favours to me, such as gracefully offering to entertain my
+worthy friend the waiter and his respectable family, but even denied,
+with much asperity, my right to enjoy an afternoon nap on the
+drawing-room lounge.
+
+'Of no value, in her prejudiced eyes, were the hardly-earned diplomas
+that had been awarded me during my five years' course at the College,
+and though richly illuminated with gold, amethysts and pearls, and
+framed in gorgeously brocaded velvet, she would not hear of my
+certificates for charing being displayed on the walls of the music-room
+beside her daughters' certificates for musical proficiency. With such
+poor examples as their parents constantly before them, it is not to be
+wondered at that the three daughters, Grillette, Pandalaura, and Blen
+should discover to one, who would have been their good friend, natures
+so mean that there seemed little promise of their ever possessing more
+generous dispositions. Rather, the wonder is that they were not really
+worse than they were, and beyond the chance of any reformation.
+
+[Illustration: I TOOK LEAVE OF MY SORROWING FATHER]
+
+'Each valued her own paltry and merely ornamental accomplishments at a
+far higher rate than my own well proved and certified skill in the
+serious art of charing, and in their own rude way they never missed an
+opportunity of reminding me of their fancied superiority.
+
+'During these early years of trial no other consolation had I than the
+society of the youngest of the Leanmuffin brood--Basil Herbert, one who
+as yet had not developed the mean disposition of his parents and
+sisters. For hours together, when the other Leanmuffins were away at
+some jaunt or frolic mayhap, would I, perhaps smarting under some recent
+indignity, pour forth my troubles into his not unwilling ears. Though
+but two years of age at the most, he seemed to understand, and I felt
+that in his own quiet way he gave me his sympathy. I therefore resolved
+in my young heart that he, at least, should not be spoilt, and to save
+him from falling to the depths of the other Leanmuffins was now my one
+hope in life.
+
+[Illustration: HARDLY DISGUISING HIS EFFORTS TO IGNORE ME]
+
+'How often would I, in dumb show, act kind deeds before him in little
+scenes and plays that I had composed for the purpose, using the kitchen
+utensils to personify my various characters, thus accustoming his
+growing mind to kind thoughts, until in time he gave promise of becoming
+as virtuous as he was handsome.
+
+'He endeared himself to all by his amiable ways, though none suspected
+to whose loving and untiring care they were due, and friends, nay, even
+strangers from distant lands travelled to see him, and marvelled at his
+decorous and kindly behaviour, which charmed as well as astonished all
+beholders.
+
+'His virtues, however, strong as they were, did not render him immune to
+the weaknesses to which young children are liable, and in his fifth year
+he developed a chilblain of the most painful description. Every remedy
+was tried, dried turnip seed, applications of roasted capers, poultices
+of wild figs and nard, fomentations of honey and turbot's roe, and many
+other recipes for the curing of chilblains, recommended by anxious
+friends. Nevertheless the blain grew chillier and chillier until at last
+they were compelled to send for a physician.
+
+'The physician, after spending a whole afternoon examining the foot,
+eventually took the most serious view of the case imaginable, and
+hastily wrote out the following prescription, promising to call again in
+a few days:--
+
+[Illustration: Basil Herbert develops a chilblain]
+
+  1 Pint New Gruel.
+  1 gr. Tincture of Green Acorns.
+  1/2 gr. Hypo.
+  1/16 gr. Castor Sugar.
+  3 Clove Kernels.
+  1/2 lb. Coffee Essence.
+  3/4 lb. Sugar of Zinc.
+  2 gr. Bisulphite of Lead.
+  1 Pint Spirits of Sulphur.
+  5 gr. Bicarbonate of Saltpetre.
+  1 oz. Table Salt.
+
+'Three drops to be mixed in a quart of lukewarm water and gently rubbed
+into the roots of the blain every five minutes, day and night, until its
+disappearance, which, if all went well, should take place in about six
+months' time.
+
+'I was sent out at once, without a "please" or "will you kindly" of
+course, to the nearest chemist to have the prescription made up. But,
+alas! he was unable to do it, as he had only three of the necessary
+ingredients in stock,--the bicarbonate of saltpetre, the table salt, and
+the hypo. I now went in turn to every chemist in the town, only to find
+that not one of them could supply me with _all_ the necessary
+ingredients. One perhaps had the tincture of green acorns and the hypo,
+while another had all but the coffee essence and the clove kernels. Some
+again only had the spirits of sulphur and the sugar of zinc, and so on.
+Now, in my despair, I resolved to buy each separate ingredient at a
+different store and mix the prescription myself, but, alas! I was no
+nearer obtaining it, as no one could supply me with the clove kernels.
+Determined to succeed, I visited in succession every town in Sicily, but
+not a single clove kernel could I find from one end of the island to the
+other.
+
+'As I stood on the sea-shore at the edge of the island wondering what
+next I should do to complete the prescription, my thoughts flew across
+the sea to my home in Arabia, and I decided to return there at once in
+the hope of learning from my parents where I should be most likely to
+find the kernels.
+
+'With the other ingredients securely sewn into the lining of my skirt, I
+embarked for Arabia, and in due course arrived at my father's palace.
+
+'When my good parents recognised me, which they did only after some
+minutes of close scrutiny, for it was at least twenty-five years since I
+had left home, they extended to me the kindliest welcome, and by their
+affectionate conduct dispelled any restraint I might have felt after so
+long an absence. In the meanwhile each of my sixteen sisters had married
+a Sultan or Prince at the very least, and they were now reigning in
+truly regal splendour in different parts of the world, and my parents,
+being alone in their old age, begged of me to come and live with them
+and gladden their declining years. This, however, I soon convinced them
+I could not do, and besought their help and advice in my quest. The
+Prince, my father, manifested the greatest desire to assist me, and took
+a fatherly interest in my fortunes. He caused the palace to be ransacked
+from top to bottom, but with no success,--there was not a single clove
+kernel to be found in the place.
+
+[Illustration: THEY WERE COMPELLED TO SEND FOR A PHYSICIAN]
+
+'After an affectionate parting with my father and mother, I visited
+every one of my married sisters in turn, each of whom introduced me to
+her husband and friends with considerable pride, for you must know that
+already my fame as a char-woman of great ability had reached even to the
+most distant parts. One and all were equally felicitous in their
+expressions of delight at seeing me, and equally pressing in their
+invitations to me to take up my abode with them. Yet none were able to
+help me in the quest I had so much at heart.
+
+'At last I returned to Sicily without the clove kernels, and, too
+ashamed to appear before the Leanmuffins without the completed
+prescription, I wandered about the island in despair, resting at night
+in the caves of the mountains, satisfying the cravings of my hunger on
+the hard dry leaves of the cactus.
+
+'I now bethought me of my good friend the waiter and the willingness he
+had consistently evinced to help me when in trouble, and once more I
+embarked, this time for the shores of Lombardy, at which place I knew he
+had a comfortable situation. With very little difficulty I found the
+refreshment establishment at which he worked, and, as I anticipated, he
+was extremely pleased to meet me again, and manifested the liveliest joy
+at the prospect of being of some help to me. Together we studied the
+menu of the day very thoroughly, but could find no mention whatever of
+clove kernels, and then, idly looking through some menus of recent date,
+handsomely bound together for future reference, we discovered that clove
+kernels had been served as recently as the day before. It would be
+useless to attempt to describe the despair that took possession of me
+when I discovered that I had only missed them by one day. The waiter
+excitedly rushed down to the kitchen to see if any had been left over,
+but, alas! there was not a single clove kernel to be found in the larder
+or anywhere else. On leaving the refreshment rooms I shed the bitterest
+tears that had ever fallen from my usually joyful eyes, and on the rocks
+by the sea gave way to a mood of the greatest despondency.
+
+'More ashamed than ever to return to the Leanmuffins, I made several
+inquiries for any one requiring the services of an amicable, virtuous,
+and, at the same time, experienced char-woman, determined to find work
+in Lombardy if any were to be had.
+
+'Not receiving satisfactory replies to my inquiries, my good waiter,
+true to his kind nature, introduced me to one of his most regular
+customers, the Marquis of Lombardy, who had been looking out for some
+years for a capable char-woman to superintend the management of his
+domestic affairs. Meeting with the approval of the Marquis, I thus
+secured a comfortable home, and resolved to forget that I had ever lived
+in Sicily.
+
+'Now it happened that the Marquis, being a regular diner at the
+restaurant, had partaken of clove kernels on the last occasion they were
+served, and three or four must have fallen from his spoon into his
+waistcoat pocket at the time, for I overheard his valet repeat to the
+housemaid that he had found them therein when brushing his master's
+clothes, and that he had presented them to one of the boatmen's
+children. Learning the name of the child, not a moment did I lose in
+hunting for him high and low, and eventually discovered him playing idly
+on the sands with what, I was convinced, were the kernels I so much
+coveted. At last, thought I, they are within my reach, and running
+joyfully up to the light-hearted lad discovered, alas! that he was only
+playing with brass buttons.
+
+'After the first shock of my new disappointment had passed away, I
+questioned the lad as to how he had disposed of the clove kernels, and
+he told me that his father, who considered them excellent bait, had
+taken them from him and given him three brass buttons in exchange.
+
+'On asking him where his father was at the present moment, he pointed
+with his sunburnt hand to the horizon, and looking in the direction
+indicated, I perceived a little fishing-smack, miles away. Without the
+loss of a single second, I hired a boat, and, with a boatman to assist,
+rowed in pursuit, and after a chase of three or four hours drew up, in
+an exhausted condition, alongside the smack. I now in piteous tones
+begged the clove kernels of the weather-beaten mariner, but he only
+laughed loudly and bitterly in reply, and, on my inquiring the reason of
+his cruel mirth, told me in faltering accents that he had only just
+hauled in his lines to discover that the fish had gone off with the bait
+and hook as well. Thus doomed to disappointment, I spent the rest of the
+day in a state of mind bordering on madness.
+
+[Illustration: THE IMPROVEMENT WAS MAINTAINED]
+
+'It was a little time after this that, one evening, I was sitting over
+the kitchen fire. The cook had just served up an excellent dish of fish,
+and my mind was still turning to Sicily in spite of my endeavours to
+forget that there was such a place, and wondering if ever I should see
+Basil Herbert again. Suddenly there was a most terrible disturbance
+overhead in the dining-room, a noise as of plates being thrown from one
+end of the room to the other, and presently wild shrieks and groans of
+pain. I ran lightly upstairs, always ready to be of use in emergencies
+of any kind, and opened the dining-room door just in time to see the
+Marquis raving most pitifully. It transpired that the very identical
+fish that had swallowed the hook and the clove kernels had been caught
+and served up to the Marquis's table, and he, poor man, had just
+swallowed the hook. Taking in the situation at a glance, I soon saw the
+probability that the three clove kernels, or one or two of them, were in
+the body of the fish, and walking boldly into the room I grasped the
+fish by the tail, and took to my heels.
+
+[Illustration: DISCOVERED A CLOVE KERNEL]
+
+'For miles I ran, out of the town and into the country without stopping,
+until, quite exhausted and out of breath, I sat down beneath a rock to
+rest. I now examined the fish which I still held in my hand, and found
+only two of the kernels in its body, the Marquis having probably
+swallowed the third.
+
+'However, although not the complete number required by the prescription,
+they were better than no clove kernels at all, so after resting awhile I
+resolved to return once more to Sicily.
+
+'After some vicissitudes I arrived at last at the home of the
+Leanmuffins to find them all in despair. Basil Herbert's condition had
+not improved, and the physician had ceased his visits and gone in search
+of me. I soon mixed the stuff, which brought some little relief to the
+unhappy young patient--but not enough, as the lotion was not
+sufficiently strong without the third clove kernel.
+
+'We persevered, however, and the improvement was just maintained. At
+last one evening when all the members of the family were gathered round
+the sufferer's bed endeavouring to distract him by every manner of
+entertainment conceivable and by cheerful songs, glees, and the telling
+of interesting stories, there came a low knock at the door and somebody
+inquiring for me. Who should it be but my faithful friend the waiter,
+who, on sweeping the floor of the Lombardic refreshment room, had
+discovered a little clove kernel in the corner, and, mad with delight at
+being able to assist me, had hastened from Lombardy to bring me the
+treasure. Small though it was, it was enough to give the requisite
+strength to the lotion, and in due course the young patient completely
+recovered.
+
+'After their severe trials the Leanmuffins were completely transformed;
+from being ignoble, mean, and unkind, they became generous in the
+extreme. Their joy knew no bounds, and henceforth they made me quite one
+of their family, and my friend the waiter and his good people were asked
+to dine with us every Sunday that they were in Sicily.
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE INTERVAL]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+'THE INTERVAL'
+
+
+When the Sicilian Char-woman had finished the narration of her truly
+wonderful experiences, and while the army were yet applauding her, the
+King stepped down from his chair, and taking the good woman by the hand,
+explained to her the object of their great expedition. 'And now,' said
+the astute old monarch in conclusion, 'powerful as we undoubtedly are,
+and as you can see for yourself that we are, we have yet one weakness,
+and that weakness is, that we cannot boast of a single char-woman of any
+description within our ranks. It has occurred to us, in listening to
+your story, that if you are able, as I have no doubt you will be, to
+obtain a good character from your last place, that we shall be delighted
+to engage you as an assistant to the amiable Boadicea in her attendance
+upon my person.'
+
+'Fiddlesticks,' snapped the abrupt woman, 'look after your person
+indeed! Look after it yourself,' and the strange creature walked off.
+Unwilling to lose such a treasure, the King called after her, and
+explained that if he had offended her it was quite unintentionally, and
+offered her any post she would like to fill, of course providing that it
+had not already been filled, in his army.
+
+'Now you are talking reasonably,' replied the quickly mollified
+creature. 'Well, as you are so very kind, I don't mind being the
+flag-bearer.'
+
+'But I am really afraid we have no flag,' objected the King.
+
+'Oh, we'll soon settle that little difficulty,' replied the woman. And
+she at once removed her apron and snatching from the astonished Scout
+the staff he usually carried with him, she tied the apron thereto by its
+two strings and waved it proudly in the air three or four times, at each
+time jumping as high as she could.
+
+Every one cheered in their delight at the readiness of the good woman,
+and congratulated each other cordially on this interesting addition to
+their forces.
+
+The King now stood up in his chair, and after quieting the general
+excitement by ringing his bell, he thus addressed his troops:--
+
+'My dear old boys and girls, although, no doubt, I appear to you a very
+fine man indeed, with a good appetite and fairly well covered for my
+time of life, I am not quite the man I should be. You must know that in
+my early babyhood I was a victim to the wicked carelessness of the royal
+cook. One morning this thoughtless creature left an unboiled parsnip on
+the garden path (had it been boiled and soft, my fate had been different
+perhaps) while chatting with a friend at the tradesmen's entrance. As
+ill luck would have it, I was at the time playing on the palace roof, to
+which I had climbed through the nursery chimney, and, childlike, was
+gazing curiously at a strange bird flying overhead, when I overbalanced
+and fell from the roof right on to the parsnip on the garden path,
+which, as you will guess, hurt me very severely indeed.'
+
+The King here exhibited to his audience a dent on his head in the form
+of a parsnip.
+
+'On hearing of this my father, of course, was highly indignant, and
+ordered the cook to be beheaded instantly, or, at all events, as soon as
+she had finished cooking the dinner.
+
+'The dinner, however, was so excellent that my father, in his enjoyment
+of it, forgot all about my mishap, and the cook went unpunished.
+Nevertheless the shock to my system was so great that, feeling it even
+to this day, as I have said, I am not the man I should be. A trifle
+irritable now and again; or more sulky and disagreeable than I care to
+admit; or at times even harsh, morose, surly, snappish, rattish, and
+short-tempered, all little failings you have no doubt noticed, and which
+now, knowing my early misfortune, you will more readily excuse.
+
+[Illustration: I FELL ON TO THE PARSNIP]
+
+'Well,' continued the King, 'you will at least understand that a little
+rest is good for me now and again, so that, as we have already travelled
+half the distance to my kingdom, I intend to give you all a whole
+holiday to-morrow, and on the day following, which happens to be my
+birthday, I will celebrate the great occasion with a grand review, after
+which we shall once more resume our long journey.'
+
+This welcome announcement was received with the greatest enthusiasm by
+the brave fellows, and loud cheers echoed again and again through the
+forest, and a great feast was at once prepared.
+
+[Illustration: THEY ALL ONCE MORE STARTED]
+
+[Illustration: ON THEIR ADVENTUROUS JOURNEY]
+
+Seated in a circle on the grass beneath the trees, the good souls
+enjoyed to the full the simple fare before them, and then, after once
+more cheering the old monarch, retired to their tents to sleep, and to
+dream of the morrow in store for them.
+
+Next morning, with the exception of the old King, who intended to rest
+and remain in bed all day, every one was up betimes. After a hearty
+meal, Bill explained to them all the dangers of the great forest, and
+the necessity of returning to camp at dusk. Then, taking care not to
+disturb the King, they all left the camp, different parties taking
+different directions, seeking amusement wherever they could find it.
+
+Bill took care of his charges, who had the greatest sport in the
+world,--tree-climbing, nutting, chasing butterflies, fishing in the
+pools, playing at Wild Indians, Hunt-the-Stag, Robbers and Thieves, Poor
+Jenny is a-weeping, Red Rover, and every really sensible game that there
+is to play, while Boadicea spent the time very happily in making
+beautiful bunches of wild flowers.
+
+Chad, however, was a bit of a nuisance, crying all the morning because
+he was not allowed to eat toadstools; so to keep him out of mischief,
+Bill tied him to the highest branch of a very tall tree, and there left
+him to have his cry out.
+
+The Long Man took Ptolemy Jenkinson in hand, and taught him how to
+bird-nest, at the same time adding to his own valuable collection of
+eggs. The Ancient Mariner made a swing for the Absent-minded Indian, and
+wondered, while he was swinging him to and fro, whether he enjoyed it or
+not, for the thoughtful creature's face still gave no sign at all of
+what was taking place in his mind, supposing he had one. The Doctor
+spent the day upside down, with his feet supported against the trunk of
+a tree and his nose on the ground, while he studied the habits of the
+stag-beetle. The Boy Scout practised scouting by continually losing his
+patron and then finding him again, while the Respectable Gentleman
+himself kept his respectability in hand by behaving most politely to all
+the trees of the forest,--raising his hat to the silver-birches, leaving
+his card on the ash-trees, introducing a hornbeam to a blackthorn,
+apologising to the thistles for treading on their lower leaves,
+and, in fact, behaving like the perfect gentleman he was, and having a
+really enjoyable day.
+
+[Illustration: And left him to have his cry out]
+
+The Triplets played hide-and-seek, and the Sicilian Char-woman set to
+and dusted and scrubbed down a good number of the forest trees, and
+spent the rest of the day in endeavouring to clear up the last year's
+leaves that everywhere littered the grass.
+
+It was quite late in the evening when all returned to camp, quite tired
+out, and after supper each crept quietly to bed without awakening the
+King, and soon the whole camp was fast asleep.
+
+[Illustration: THE WHOLE CAMP WAS FAST ASLEEP]
+
+In the morning every one awoke in the best of spirits, and brimful of
+the many things they had to tell of the happy time they had spent the
+day before. The old monarch seemed much refreshed for his long rest, and
+before sitting down to breakfast every one in turn went up to him and
+shook the happy old boy by the hand, wishing him many happy returns,
+after which they all sat down and enjoyed a substantial breakfast.
+Before the repast was quite finished, and while the King was looking the
+other way, Bill walked round the ring formed by the army as they sat
+upon the grass, and collected birthday presents for the old monarch.
+Every one was delighted to give something to His Majesty to show how
+much they appreciated his greatness, and when the old chap received the
+many gifts, all done up in one brown paper parcel, he was so overcome
+that he could hardly stammer forth his thanks. And this is what he
+found in the parcel when, with trembling hands, he had succeeded in
+opening it:--
+
+  From Bill,                       A bone-handled, two-bladed
+                                     pocket-knife, a little rusted,
+                                     but with only one blade
+                                     missing.
+  From Noah,                       Some string.
+  From Ratchett,                   8 brace buttons (very bright).
+  From the Twins {Quentin,         Wooden top of peg-top.
+                 {Hannibal,        Iron peg of same.
+  From Randall,                    Ferrule of umbrella.
+  From Nero,                       More string.
+  From Biddulph,                   Dial of old watch (not cracked
+                                     very much).
+  From Knut,                       Glass marble (beautifully
+                                     coloured).
+  From Chad,                       2 pear drops (old, but in good
+                                     condition).
+  From the other children
+    collectively,                  Twenty last year's horse
+                                     chestnuts on string (very
+                                     hard).
+  From the Ancient Mariner,        Piece of wood skilfully cut
+                                     into the form of a pebble.
+  From the Absent-Minded
+    Indian,                        Nothing.
+  From the Triplets,               3 bunches of violets.
+  From the Respectable Gentleman,  His visiting-card.
+  From the Boy Scout,              One of the Killgruel town-keys
+                                     he had swallowed.
+  From the Sicilian Char-woman,    Small piece of soap.
+  From the Long Man,               Wren's egg.
+  From Boadicea,                   A hat full of ripe blackberries.
+  From the Doctor,                 Half of cough lozenge.
+  From Ptolemy Jenkinson,          A last year's ticket for a box.
+
+Every one clamoured for a speech, but the old fellow was so affected by
+all this unexpected kindness, that he would not trust himself to open
+his mouth, so with tears of gratitude pouring from his eyes, he retired
+to his chair. These interesting proceedings thus coming to an end, he
+was wheeled into the forest by Boadicea until they came to the open
+space where the review was to take place.
+
+Having dried his eyes and smartened himself up, with Boadicea standing
+sedately at his side holding the presents, the King now solemnly awaited
+the appearance of the troops. Soon there was a great noise in the
+direction of the camp, and then they could be heard approaching.
+
+First came the nine brave sons of Crispin and Chloe, proudly marching
+three by three, and as they passed the King each gallantly saluted him.
+Now followed the stately Char-woman with the flag held aloft, and when
+she came opposite His Majesty she jumped magnificently three times into
+the air. She was followed by more of Bill's charges, and then, with
+great dignity, Bill, the King's general, marched past the Royal Old Boy
+and saluted him grandly.
+
+Another detachment of Bill's charges followed the general, then the
+Ancient Mariner approached, and, after placing the Absent-minded Indian
+on the ground, he, with much dignity, saluted the King by touching his
+forelock, sailor fashion, and after a few steps of the hornpipe, once
+more resumed his burden and moved on. The Ancient Mariner was followed
+by the Long Man who winked knowingly at the King as he passed by.
+Ptolemy Jenkinson came next, then the Doctor, who, not knowing quite
+what was expected of him, proceeded to feel the King's pulse, but was
+quickly hustled off by the Scout, who now approached.
+
+The Respectable Gentleman followed the Boy Scout, and raised his hat in
+a very gentlemanly manner to the King as he passed him and politely
+handed him one of his cards, upon which he had scribbled a few good
+wishes to the old monarch.
+
+Now, one by one, the Triplets passed in front of the delighted King,
+before whom each of the sweet creatures performed the most graceful
+curtsy, and the procession then terminated with another detachment of
+Bill's charges.
+
+The King was more than satisfied, and they all once more started on
+their adventurous journey.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE REAL SOLDIER]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE REAL SOLDIER
+
+
+After travelling some days, they came across a real soldier seated at
+the side of the road, and Bill at once persuaded the King to invite so
+valuable a man to join their expedition. The King therefore left his
+chariot and approached him, and asked the noble-looking fellow if he
+would care to make one of their party, and, if so, whether he had a good
+character from his last general, and the old warrior replied:--
+
+'Allow me, my good sirs, to recite to you one of my most noteworthy
+achievements, one of which, peradventure, you may not have read in the
+numerous books filled with accounts of my exploits. I shall thus remove
+any trace of doubt that may linger in your minds as to my great courage
+and astute generalship.'
+
+All expressing their eagerness to hear the story, the wordful old
+warrior proceeded:--
+
+'As near as I can remember, it was in the early fifties when, a mere
+drummer-boy, with the bloom of early boyhood still gracing my brave
+young cheek, I marched with the gallant 53rd or, as you may possibly
+know them, the King's Own Royal Roebucks, to the relief of the Isle of
+Wight. This island, at the time I mention, was blockaded by that
+notorious filibuster, Reginald Bendbrisket, a rogue who, possessed of
+the greatest audacity and cunning, had earned for himself an unenviable
+reputation, from Margate to Samoa, by the terrible extent of his
+depredations.
+
+'You will all doubtless remember how, disappointed in his endeavours to
+usurp the throne of Pitcairn Island, he had impudently resolved to make
+a sudden raid upon the Isle of Wight; and thus to feed his own
+insatiable greed and, at the same time, appease the disappointed rage of
+his desperate followers, he would have plunged the peaceful little
+island into abject misery. What tempted him thereto none can guess with
+any certainty, unless indeed it were the many false reports, spread
+abroad by the unscrupulous, of the gold, silver, and diamonds to be
+found there; of the extensive quarries, rich in the finest hearthstone;
+and of the natural paraffin springs, that could provide the world with
+the purest oil; and many other reports, alike false and discreditable to
+their inventor and to those who repeated them to the credulous stranger.
+
+'Had the rogue been successful in his latest raid, his small band of
+followers (mayhap increased to a powerful army by the hordes of
+discontented periwinkle-gatherers, prawners, and lobster-potterers that
+earn a scanty living on our shores) would, without doubt, have had at
+their mercy the Isle of Sheppey and the numerous other Islets that
+ornament our coasts. And then, from these a sudden and successful
+descent on Ludgate Hill would have rendered him master of the whole of
+London. Now I am going to tell you how the courage and forethought of a
+simple drummer-boy frustrated all his schemes, and brought to his knees
+one of the most unscrupulous enemies that has ever invaded our shores.
+
+'To come back to the beginning of my story, we had a comfortable journey
+down, the tedium of which had been greatly relieved by delightful
+conversation and intellectual chatting, each in his turn considerably
+astounding the others by the amount of intelligence he displayed. These
+pursuits were again varied by interesting recitations, and such
+parlour-games as could be conveniently played in a railway carriage. We
+arrived in the afternoon at a snug little hamlet on the coast opposite
+the island, whence we embarked in a fleet of disused barges and
+dredgers. We reached our destination, after a fairly calm voyage,
+without having excited the curiosity of the invaders, only one of whose
+vessels we passed, and all on board it were so engrossed with the
+captain, who was violently sea-sick, that we passed unobserved.
+
+'We were 2,352 strong, including the gallant 53rd, of which I was a
+member, a battery of artillery, a camel corps, two squadrons of the
+smartest cavalry that ever chased a rabbit across the Hackney Marshes,
+and a battalion of infantry, so well trained that there was not one of
+the rank and file who could not play quite delightfully on the piano;
+while the officers were unexcelled at conjuring tricks, with which they
+used to amuse the soldiers seated round the camp-fires of an evening. We
+were ably generalled by that best of all officers, Sir Francis Melville
+Glowmutton, whose fame in after years very nearly earned for him the
+honour of being mentioned in a popular Encyclopaedia.
+
+'We were met on the beach by a procession of the inhabitants, headed by
+the president of the island, all of whom were delighted to see us, and
+extended to us the most hospitable of welcomes. Without waiting for
+formal introductions, they fraternised in the most friendly spirit with
+the troops who, in turn, were charmed with their reception and, being
+quite beyond themselves with gratification, adorned their conversation
+with the most graceful compliments to the inhabitants and grateful
+tributes to their kindness.
+
+'The blockade had lasted barely eight weeks, so that, as yet, the
+inhabitants of the island were not aware of it, and when they learnt
+from the soldiers the real state of affairs, they rejoiced beyond
+measure, and redoubled their congratulations to the army and to each
+other, and the president seized the very first opportunity publicly to
+thank the general for his thoughtfulness in coming to relieve them.
+
+'For quite a long time the handshaking went on, and every one was so
+amiably excited that the president, anxious that so much good feeling
+should not be thrown away, invited every one to spend the evening with
+him at his presidency on the Needles.
+
+'And such a bright and happy evening it was too! Every one in the best
+of spirits, and entering blithely into all the games! "Oranges and
+Lemons," "Nuts and May," and "Poor Jenny is a-weeping," had never,
+within the memory of any one present, been played with greater zest,
+and, what was more wonderful, never had the rather trying game of "Hunt
+the Slipper" provoked less ill-temper since it was first introduced into
+this country at the Norman Conquest.
+
+[Illustration: THE REAL SOLDIER]
+
+'The joy of the frolicsome ones was only equalled by that of the older
+inhabitants and the elderly officers, who, seated on chairs placed for
+them round the wails of the hall, fairly shook with laughter and
+merriment, until the tears rolled down their handsome old cheeks.
+
+'At last, with flushed and happy faces, all sat down to a splendid cold
+supper provided by the President, but it was some little time before the
+feast could proceed, as every one was so well-behaved that there was
+quite a turmoil of passing things to one another. At last, however,
+every one was served, and the supper proceeded with the greatest mirth
+on all sides.
+
+'After a while the president stood up to make a speech, and had only got
+as far as, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it is not that we----" when, to
+everybody's consternation, there was a loud knock at the door and,
+without waiting to be asked, in stalked the notorious Reginald himself.
+
+'Having approached the table, he slowly withdrew his gaze from the
+refreshments (to which it had wandered on his entry), and, drawing
+himself to his greatest height, demanded of the president the instant
+surrender of the island to him as his rightful property, averring that
+it had been left to him by an aunt, whose favourite he had been. Then,
+putting his hand to his bosom, he drew thence an old roll of parchment
+which, indeed, proved to be the Will of one Martha Grub. This he handed
+to the president, who read aloud therefrom the following clause, which
+had been underlined:--
+
+    'And I do bequeath unto my good sister's son, the shapely Reginald
+    Bendbrisket, inasmuch as he has shown some kindness unto my black
+    cat, now dead alas! twenty jars of the good plum preserve I did make
+    last fall as well as five yards of the good garden hose wherewith I
+    did heretowhile water my cabbages in the droughty seasons, the rest
+    to be cut up and divided equally amongst my other nephews and nieces
+    to be used by them as they may see fit whatsoever.
+
+    'At their demise the said pieces shall be delivered up to the said
+    Reginald, who will once more unite the fragments and pass the
+    completed hose on to his heirs for ever.
+
+    'For his goodness in undertaking thus to carry out my wishes I do
+    also bequeath unto the before-mentioned Reginald the Island of Wight
+    situate at the south coast of England.
+
+'On reading this the president turned very pale and every one trembled,
+never having dreamt of the strength of the invader's position. But being
+a bit of a lawyer, the president very soon rallied and replied to the
+filibuster, in as courtly a manner as he could assume, that he was bound
+to admit that his aunt Martha had, without doubt, left the island to
+him, and that he would be the last man to dispute the fact--here the
+rogue, vainly imagining that he was about to realise his greatest hopes,
+could not conceal his satisfaction, and helped himself to a
+sandwich--"But hold!" cried the president in a terrible voice, "I do
+dispute that it was hers to leave."
+
+[Illustration: 'BUT HOLD!' CRIED THE PRESIDENT]
+
+[Illustration: Reginald completely lost his temper]
+
+'At this the irascible Reginald completely lost his temper and hurled
+the sandwich with such fury to the ground that it broke one of the
+gorgeous tiles that ornamented the floor. "Have you," said he, "the
+audacity to doubt the word of my aunt Martha? Have you the face to stand
+there and dispute the will of that excellent woman, written when dying
+of a broken heart at the death of her black cat, and whose only solace
+was the company of her dutiful nephew? Then your fate be upon your
+own head." And he strode out of the hall gnashing and grinding his teeth
+in the most terrible manner, only stopping to pick up the sandwich which
+he had thrown down in his outburst of passion.
+
+[Illustration: 'YOUR FATE BE UPON YOUR OWN HEAD']
+
+'When the door had slammed to with terrific force behind him there was a
+great silence in the hall, and we all looked at one another with scared
+faces. Soon every one arose from the table, and silently left the
+banqueting-hall to prepare for the fight which we now knew would come on
+the morrow.
+
+'Try as I would, I could not sleep for thinking of the battle in store
+for us. I counted more sheep than would have fed our army for six
+months, but with no result. I then tried elephants, and after that
+camels and zebras, and finally, hoping that their odd shapes might bring
+me repose, I tried ant bears, but all in vain. At last, in despair, I
+rose from my hard couch, donned my uniform, and snatching up a cracknel,
+strode out of my tent.
+
+'Murmuring "Brittle Pantechnicons" (which, by the way, was our password)
+to the sentry, I strolled idly down to the sea. It was a beautiful and
+perfectly still night, with not a ripple to disturb the surface of the
+sea, upon which, here and there, would glow a little shimmer of light as
+the phosphorescent turbot rose to its prey. In the distance, and away to
+the right, could be seen the camp-fires of the enemy, and the
+reflections in the pools left by the tide. Ever and anon sounds of
+merriment could be heard as the invaders, heedless of the morrow, spent
+the night in revelry. To the left, and further back, could be seen the
+tents of our forces, not a sound arising therefrom except the low
+monotonous breathing of the soldiers (who were so well drilled that even
+in their sleep they breathed in time), or maybe the "Who goes there?" of
+the sentry would sound in the darkness, as he mistook a moth for a spy,
+or the drone of the beach bee for the war-whoop of the enemy.
+
+'At the water's edge, dark against the starry sky, I found a solitary
+bathing-machine, beneath which I crept, and here at length my weariness
+quite overcame me and I slept. How long I remained thus I cannot tell,
+but I was awakened by heavy footsteps on the floor of the machine over
+my head. My curiosity was intense, but resisting the temptation to rush
+out and satisfy it, I wisely resolved to remain in my present position
+as long as possible.
+
+[Illustration: FLOUNDERING ABOUT IN THE SEA]
+
+'Presently the mysterious tenant of the machine opened its seaward door
+and stood revealed in the light of the moon, which had arisen during my
+sleep, as the terrible Reginald Bendbrisket himself, clothed in a deep
+black bathing-suit. I crouched down, not daring to move a muscle, and
+was presently relieved to see him, after standing for some time on the
+steps of the machine, amble carefully over the stones to the edge of the
+sea, into which he plunged.
+
+'Now it was that an idea suddenly occurred to me, and I instantly crept
+from my place of concealment, and stealing up to the landward door of
+the machine nailed it fast with the hammer and nails I always carried
+with me to mend my drum, which was not infrequently broken beneath my
+enthusiastic blows. Having secured the front door, I now crept in at
+the back and, doffing my own clothes, soon donned those of the
+unconscious filibuster, who was still floundering about in the sea.
+Having effected this change, I crept back to my former position under
+the machine, and had barely made myself comfortable there when I saw the
+rogue returning.
+
+'After scrambling painfully over the stony beach he mounted the steps
+and entered the machine, and the slam of the door as it closed upon him
+was the signal for me to rush out and secure this as I had already
+secured the front door. Having done this, I waited no longer, but made
+off with all possible speed in the direction of the enemy's camp, which
+I had nearly reached, when I heard a most terrible banging from the
+interior of the now distant bathing-machine. Losing no time, I entered
+the camp, and, being easily mistaken for their captain, passed on
+unchallenged.
+
+'Arriving in time at the centre of the camp, I found all the men
+gathered together, having forsaken their revels, evidently in
+expectation of the return of their leader.
+
+[Illustration: IN EXPECTATION OF THEIR LEADER]
+
+'Standing before the villainous crew, I assumed, as nearly as I could,
+the mien and rough harsh voice of their filibustering captain, and
+ordered them to embark at once and to leave the island, as it had been
+reinforced during the night by such a mass of thundering artillery as
+would be impossible to withstand, and that they were even now fast
+approaching along the beach from the other end of the island where they
+had landed. The men, on hearing this appeared quite incredulous and
+their growls of disbelief grew louder and louder and threatened a
+terrible mutiny. Having at length gained a hearing, I invited them all
+to that part of the camp by which I had entered, to hear for themselves
+the approach of the distant hosts. Leading them all, still grumbling and
+growling, a little way beyond the camp, I commanded them all to be
+absolutely quiet, and then, in the silence which ensued, could be heard
+far away in the direction of the bathing-machine a most terrific and
+continuous banging, together with the sound of muffled shouting.
+
+'The men were aghast, and in the moonlight their swarthy faces could be
+seen to change to a ghastly white. Then, with an unearthly yell, they
+all turned and fled in a wild panic to the boats. They tumbled over and
+over each other in their anxiety to get away, and many got wet to the
+skin in their endeavour to reach the boats. At last, to my great joy, I
+saw the last of them pull off and reach the ships, which now put on all
+sail and vanished away for ever.
+
+'I now returned to the bathing-machine, from which still came a terrible
+din, though not quite so violent as it had been at first.
+
+'Taking hold of the rope that was fastened to it, I began to drag the
+machine in the direction of our camp, the banging meanwhile gradually
+subsiding, until at last only an occasional bang proclaimed the machine
+to be inhabited. As before, I passed the sentry by murmuring "Brittle
+Pantechnicons" and drew the machine up in front of the General's tent.
+
+'The General, having finished an early breakfast, was just setting out
+to take a stroll before settling down to plan out the battle, and seeing
+me, whom he at first took to be Reginald Bendbrisket, the good man
+received quite a severe shock. However, I soon undeceived him, and after
+relating my adventures I unfastened the door of the bathing-machine,
+and disclosed therein the form of the filibuster on bended knees,
+imploring our mercy.
+
+'Every one was delighted at such a speedy end to the campaign, for my
+part in which I was duly honoured. Reginald Bendbrisket, after a mild
+punishment, reformed and became a very respectable gentleman, the
+president kindly using his influence to secure for him a lucrative
+position in a well-known Insurance Office.
+
+'And thus, my good Sirs, it is, that the Isle of Wight still remains one
+of our many valued possessions.'
+
+'The very man for me,' thought the King of Troy, when he had finished
+his story, and before proceeding with their journey, he promoted the
+martial creature to the high position of second General-in-chief of the
+army.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE WILD MAN]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE WILD MAN
+
+
+One day the army were overtaken by a singularly wild-looking man who
+proved, however, to be at the same time quite an amiable creature, and
+expressed a great desire to seek some employment with the gallant
+fellows. The King was pleased to enlist the nice and sociable person,
+and was more than repaid for his confidence in him by his charming ways.
+On one occasion, when the King was rather tired and worried, the Wild
+Man, in order to distract the dear old fellow, told the following
+story:--
+
+'Good Sirs, though wild enough indeed, yet may I claim to be an unspoilt
+child of nature, whose finest instincts have, unchecked, found their
+true development. Thus, communing with nature from my cradle and living
+on terms of the closest intimacy with her wildest creatures, I can
+appreciate their humble wants, their hopes and fears, and have acquired
+the truly marvellous power of conversing with these simple-minded
+denizens of the wilderness.
+
+'My home was a rocky cave hard by the sea-shore, in which I lived in
+simple happiness with my good wife, now dead, alas! this many a long
+year ago, and our five brown children, who long since have grown to men
+and gone out into the world to seek their fortunes. Harmless indeed were
+our joys, and our trials we bore with that great fortitude which was not
+the least of the blessings we derived from our simple mode of life.
+
+'To proceed with my tale, on one dismal evening late in autumn, I left
+my cave, with the hungry cries of my children still in my ears,--for,
+indeed, the poor things had had no sup or bite the whole day through.
+Wondering what I could do that they might not go supperless to bed, I
+strolled along the sands by the sea in the hope of finding some odd
+limpet or whelk which, together with a few dried dandelion leaves, might
+make a simple stew. Alas! no vestige of a single crustacean could I
+find, so I sat me down upon the sands, determined not to return until
+the children had fallen asleep on the dry ferns and grass heaped up for
+them at the back of the cave, as their cries were more torment to me
+than my own emptiness.
+
+'The sun had long ago set, and the autumnal twilight, reflected in the
+pools of still water left by the far receded tide, was gradually fading
+from the sky, when I fancied I could hear a low heart-rending moan from
+off the desolate waste of sand before me. Again and again it sounded,
+and at last realising that it might be uttered by some creature in
+distress, I stood up and, as far as the fading light would permit,
+scanned the sands in every direction.
+
+'Nothing, however, could I see, and as the moan still continued at
+intervals and became, in fact, more and more painful and beseeching, I
+wandered about, a prey to the liveliest anxiety, endeavouring to
+discover whence it proceeded.
+
+'At length I perceived on the sand, at a little distance before me, a
+small dark motionless object, and at that instant a harrowing sound,
+arising therefrom on the evening air, left me in no doubt as to the
+origin of the moans I had already heard. Creeping as quietly as possible
+on my hands and knees quite close to it, I found it to be a lovely blue
+point oyster, and bringing my head to a level with the shell, I asked
+coaxingly, and in as soft a voice as I could command, what ailed it.
+
+[Illustration: Harmless indeed were our joys]
+
+'"Alas!" said the oyster, "a little while ago I possessed a child as
+sweet as ever chortled to its gasping mother, but snatched from me
+as it has been by the cruellest of whelks, it may even now lie helpless
+in the grasp of the ravenous brute, as it ruthlessly sups off its
+delicate limbs. No such grief have I had since that old native, my
+worthy husband, was slain, and was laid in state, his hoary head
+supported by a slice of lemon, beside a piece of brown bread-and-butter."
+
+[Illustration: I PLEADED MY CASE]
+
+'Deeply affected by her grief, I begged her to reveal the name of the
+little one and to indicate the direction taken by the marauding whelk.
+"Bertram is its name," said the widowed blue point, and I could hear
+the tears falling within the shell as, with her beard, she pointed out
+the path followed by the rogue.
+
+'I had not proceeded far in the direction indicated when I overtook a
+whelk, whose face was quite distorted by a savage look, and whose growls
+drowned the feeble cries of a tender blue pointlet whom he dragged along
+by the beard.
+
+'"Now what is all this about?" said I to the sullen fellow. "Why should
+you, who are maybe blessed with young of your own, rob a poor widowed
+oyster of her only consolation since the death of her husband? A heart
+of rock would have melted at the cries of your victim, but you,
+ungenerous, can have no heart at all, and entirely drag the name of
+whelk through the mud." I could distinctly hear the ruffian lashing his
+tail within his shell as he replied: "It's all very well for you, old
+boy, but all that kind of nonsense you're talking don't come in here. If
+it were a question of saving your own life I'll bet you wouldn't give
+much ear to the whimperings of a sentimental blue point. Know then, old
+stick, that it isn't for the love of children that I am dragging this
+little brat along, but he's just going to be the supper of an old crab,
+who caught me this afternoon and only let me go on the condition that I
+found him something a little more toothsome and tender than I am."
+
+'The cries of the infant were cruel to hear when it learnt the fate in
+store for it, and filled my heart with pity for the frail youngster.
+"Now come," said I to the whelk, "just wait a little while and consider,
+would it not always be a sad thing for you to reflect upon that you had
+been the cause of this frail young thing's death?" "Gammon!" answered
+the leather-hearted whelk, and proceeded on its journey. "Stay yet
+awhile," cried I, "and I will run and talk it over with the crab and see
+if his hard shell may hide a kinder heart than yours." "Well, look
+alive, old sentiments," replied the whelk; "it's a bit chilly waiting
+about out of the water when the tide's low. You'll see the old rascal
+over there by the sea."
+
+'I hastened with what speed I might in the direction pointed out by the
+whelk, and presently came upon the old crab. Before I had time to greet
+him he accosted me with "Well, old kneebones, what's the trouble?" "No
+trouble of mine I do assure you," I replied as I seated myself by his
+side, taking care at the same time to keep well out of reach of his two
+pincer claws, that wobbled about wickedly in my direction; thus in some
+trepidation I continued the conversation. "The trouble is that of an
+innocent blue pointlet, now alas! in the toils of a perfect bully of a
+whelk, a worthless rough who is thus victimising the innocent to save
+himself from ending his paltry existence in your inside. Now my good
+fellow, I am perfectly certain that you are not going to allow this,
+indeed you are not the sort to sacrifice another's life to satisfy your
+own greed. Let me press you, just for once, to go supperless to bed, and
+thus assuage the anguish of a most affectionate mother."
+
+'Much to my mortification and surprise, my conciliatory speech was met
+by roars of laughter from the flippant old crab. Peal upon peal
+disturbed the still evening air, and when the last clash of the hideous
+uproar had died away among the distant hills, the unfeeling brute, now
+in a state of collapse from loss of breath, gasped out:--"What, me give
+up the only chance of saving myself from that scoundrel of a lobster who
+only let me go on my promising to secure him something for supper a
+little less hard than myself! Well," continued the crab, "that's a good
+'un, that is. My good chap you must be quite out of your senses. Why,
+not only will I hand over the baby oyster to the lobster, but I intend
+also to have my supper off that tough old idiot of a whelk, who reckons
+he's going to get off scot-free, and old mother blue point, too, if I
+can find her," and then, as an afterthought, "and you, old marrow-bones,
+wouldn't make half a bad tit-bit if I could get hold of you," and he
+made a horrid dash at me as he spoke. However, I easily evaded him, and
+from a safer distance argued the matter out with him in the following
+way:--
+
+'"Allow me, my dear crustacean, to put the matter to you in this light.
+Now, first of all, clear your mind of all unnecessary bias. Suppose,"
+said I, "that you were to change places with the young oyster, suppose,
+we'll say, that you had the near prospect of being devoured by the
+greedy lobster. How would you feel, I say, if your neighbour not only
+refused to exert himself in any way to extricate you from your
+predicament, but also gloried in being the main cause of the disaster
+that threatened you?"
+
+[Illustration: AND KILLED IT ON THE SPOT]
+
+'The wily scoundrel merely replied, "Ask me another," and with his left
+eye-stalk bent towards the ground, insolently winked at me with the
+other. Despairing of penetrating his tough shell with kindly
+suggestions, I temporised with him, and succeeded in persuading him to
+desist from his evil intentions until I had talked it over with the
+lobster. Out of sheer perversity the crab directed me wrongly, but in
+good time, after some wandering here and there, I discovered the
+lobster.
+
+'I pleaded my case to him as eloquently as I had already done to the
+others,--nay, even more eloquently, being, no doubt, a little more used
+to it by now, but yet with no apparent good result. The wary creature
+pretended ignorance. "To which crab do you refer?" said he, in a
+questioning tone; "I have so much business with crustaceans in one way
+and another that you would be surprised to learn how confused I become
+in my dealings with them." To the best of my ability I described the
+appearance of the old crab, and aided my description with a slight
+sketch on the sand made with the point of my umbrella. He gazed at this
+with much interest and murmured to himself "considerable artistic
+talent," and then aloud, "Oh yes, yes, I remember him quite well;
+indeed, he was here only recently about a little matter of supper. Well,
+well, I'm afraid I cannot be of any help to you here. You see, it's like
+this. Earlier in the day, I came to a little arrangement (quite a little
+business affair, by the way) with an old lady conger eel I have known
+for many years, and it happened in this way. We were having a little
+dispute as to who should sup off the other, and without going into
+details, the upshot of it all was that the eel managed to tie herself in
+a knot round my throat, and so, you see, was mistress of the situation.
+I need not tell you that I did not lose my presence of mind--indeed, I
+never do--and I politely asked her if she had ever tasted crab, and
+effectually persuaded her that they were much better eating than
+lobster, and undertook to procure her a beauty (thinking all the time,
+of course, of our mutual friend), on the understanding that I should go
+quite free. It's very sad and all that sort of thing, no doubt, about
+the little oyster--sweet little chuck--indeed, I am more sorry than I
+appear to be about it, but really what can one do?" And the lobster
+shrugged his bristling shoulders. "Speaking to you," he continued, "as
+one man of the world to another, business is business after all, you
+know. And if we don't fulfil our obligations, where do we stand? Of
+course, I don't say but what a little chat with the conger might make it
+all right, and there's no harm in trying--she's a nice eel. I feel sure
+you would like her, at least I felt I should, when I invited her to be
+my supper--and if nothing comes of the meeting, well, we shall none of
+us be any worse off than we are at the present moment. If at any other
+time I can be of use to you, I do hope that you will not hesitate to
+come round and ask. Good day."
+
+'I now left him to search for the conger, whom I found dozing in a pool
+near the sea. I took her out and placed her gently on the sand, and she
+gradually opened her eyes and fastened them on me. I once more expounded
+the reasons why, in my opinion, this cruel arrangement should not be
+persisted in. I quite astonished myself by my own eloquence, which grew
+more impassioned as I proceeded, and noticed that the old conger seemed
+deeply impressed. As I came to the most affecting parts of my argument
+the expression in her eyes grew really tender, and at the mention of
+the little blue point a tear gathered in each eye and slowly coursed
+down her shiny form. At the conclusion of my appeal the conger drew in a
+deep breath and replied:--"Well, I never! Now that is what I really do
+call good and kind. Oh pray come and sit down beside me on the sand and
+tell me all about it--now do, and tell me what first put it into your
+head--it is so very nice to come across a little real sentiment in these
+matter-of-fact times." Without waiting for me to proceed she rattled
+on:--"Upon my word, you really must have the kindest heart in the
+world--but are you quite sure you are comfy? Why not come round the
+other side; you'll be out of the wind there, and we can talk it over
+without anything to interfere with us. I quite agree with you in
+everything you have said, and I must say that I know of nothing more
+delightful than to find one's own thoughts expressed so much more
+clearly than one could do it oneself. Do you know, I am quite delighted
+to have met you, and hope that this is the commencement of one of those
+lasting friendships...."
+
+[Illustration: WE COOKED ONE GREAT STEAK]
+
+'Thus she gabbled on, and thinking to myself, here, at last, is a
+kind-hearted soul, I asked her to promise to take the baby oyster back
+to its sorrowing mother, when she received it from the lobster. "What an
+extremely kind thought," she replied; "I assure you there is nothing in
+the whole world I would love to do so much as to take the little thing
+back to its Ma." Glancing dreamily at the sky the old eel
+continued:--"Dear little mite! I can see it even now, in my mind's eye,
+as it skips to its mother; she, dear soul, the while shedding pearls of
+delight,--a memory to carry to your grave. But I expect you must be
+going now--no doubt you are as busy as the rest of us--are they all well
+at home?--good-bye," and she prepared to return to the sea. "But, my
+dear woman," I protested, "I have not yet received your promise to see
+the little oyster home." "Now," said the eel, "pray don't spoil the
+pleasant evening we have had--but never mind--don't look so
+serious--come round some evening with the wife and children--don't say
+you won't." "But, Madam," I answered, "I am waiting for your promise to
+see the little one home." "My dear Sir," she replied at last, growing
+rather red in the face, "I can give you nothing of the kind, and must
+really refer you to the whale who captured me a little while ago, and
+only released me because I promised to procure him a lobster, which I
+persuaded him would be much more digestible and less bilious than I
+should prove to be as a meal."
+
+'I now went in search of the whale, whom I discovered disporting himself
+in the sea a very little way from the shore. Taking my shoes and
+stockings off, I waded as near to him as I dared, and to conciliate him
+right off I wore as benignant an expression as I could assume and thus
+addressed him: "Of one thing I am convinced," said I, "and it is that
+you are the last person in all the world who would willingly give pain
+to anything,--least of all to a baby oyster." "Quite so, quite so,"
+snorted the whale, "and what is more I never have and, upon my soul, I
+never _will_." "Bravo, good resolution," cried I, and then in moving
+terms I explained the situation and urged him to take the blue pointlet
+back to its mother on receiving it from the conger eel. "What is this
+you say," roared the whale; "do you mean to tell me that in exchange for
+her own fat self that villainous conger-eel now offers me a baby oyster
+instead of the promised lobster? Is it for this gross insult that I
+allowed her to resume her wretched existence? Well, I'm thundered!" and
+the enraged monster leapt seventy feet into the air. "Where is she?"
+roared he, and made off in the direction of the conger.
+
+'But the old girl was one too many for the whale this time, and having
+heard his remarks on her conduct, off she darted after the lobster,
+saying to herself that as the whole arrangement had fallen through, she
+might just as well sup off the lobster,--besides, the claws would stew
+up quite well for the children's dinner to-morrow. The lobster in his
+turn, seeing the conger approach, at once understood that the affair was
+all off and left his little cave by the back door as conger entered by
+the front, and made for the place where he knew he would find the crab,
+arguing to himself thus:--"At any rate, the crab will make an excellent
+supper to which I have every right; for after all, as I have before
+remarked, business is business, and he will certainly be unable to
+fulfil his obligations." The saucy crab, however, saw him coming along
+with his mouth wide open ready to gobble him up, and shouted tauntingly
+to him:--"Keep your bristles on, old prawn" and ran off after the whelk.
+"Nothing really matters," thought he, "and as I feel a bit peckish I may
+as well eat up friend whelk and the blue pointlet 'll come in for a
+light breakfast in the morning." The cowardly whelk, reading the crab's
+evil intention in his eyes offered him the baby oyster. "Thanks, old
+flint," said the crab, "I'll have you first and the youngster another
+time," and he pounced on the whelk and ate him right up. But as he was
+crawling off in great comfort the old lobster overtook him and in no
+time polished him off. The lobster, now too contented to move quickly,
+was slowly returning to the water when up came the conger-eel who,
+without any delay, proceeded to strangle him and then to gobble him up.
+After her feast, the old girl, in her turn, felt drowsy. "I think," said
+she, "I now deserve a nap," and she lay down in a pool and went fast
+asleep. Presently the whale came along, having been hunting for the
+conger all over the place. As soon as he caught sight of her he roared
+in his wrath, "Is this what you call keeping your bargain?" and with one
+gulp he bolted her,--head, fins, tail and all.
+
+'Then, having accomplished his revenge, and at the same time satisfied
+his appetite, his contentment was complete and he rolled over on his
+side in the shallow water, and fell into a deep sleep.
+
+'Now, thought I, is this not providential? Is there not here not merely
+the evening meal I left my cave to seek, but many meals for my good wife
+and children,--enough in fact to ward off hunger throughout the winter
+that is now fast approaching. Taking up a great rock I hurled it with
+all my force at the head of the whale and killed it on the spot. I now
+proceeded to cut up the great creature and carry it, piece by piece, to
+my cave, and that very night, when it was all safely stowed, we cooked
+one great steak for supper, waking the children in order that they might
+share the meal, and the remainder my good wife preserved in brine. Thus
+in comfort we lived the winter through.
+
+'The little oyster found its way back to its mother, and so grateful
+were they both for my endeavours to help them, that they took up their
+abode with us. Bertram grew to a fine chubby blue point. "Just like his
+father," said the proud mother, and nothing reached our hearts so nearly
+as his playful, charming ways.'
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE MUSICIAN]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE MUSICIAN
+
+
+Sometimes now the old King showed signs of weariness, and Bill bethought
+him that a little music occasionally might soothe his nerves. So in the
+very next town they came to he engaged the only musician in the place,
+and very willing he was too to come along.
+
+He played very wonderful music on his old concertina, often assisted
+with his voice, and one evening, after a very beautiful performance, the
+talented creature related the following story to his enchanted
+hearers:--
+
+'Right glad have I been, good fellows all, to join you in this your
+noble enterprise to right our stout old brother of Troy here, and in
+good time I trust that my great deeds shall prove my sincerity. But, in
+the meantime, as supper hour draws on apace, and the frizzling cutlets
+do scent the evening air, a little story should not be amiss to distract
+your anxious minds, and thus to check the impatience of your appetite.
+
+'Know then, my jovial birds, my cunning blades, that I am the eldest son
+of that Prince of Polynesia who united the scattered kingdoms of this
+unwieldy archipelago into one vast empire, over which he ruled with
+even-handed justice and some common-sense until his death. Ah! lads, if
+all had their rights I should at the present moment be seated on the
+soft cushions of my father's throne, and maybe more able to be of help
+to you than I am now; but you must take the will for the deed.
+
+'My word! what a plump and healthy child was I, and withal as jolly and
+as hearty as the day was long. Moreover, was not I the pride of the
+empire and the envy of all the other kings and princes who had ever seen
+or heard of me? Alas! who could have foretold that I was thus early in
+life destined to have a real good taste of the troubles of this weary
+world, and, though surrounded by every care and attention and the object
+of the greatest affection that ever bubbled in the human heart, shortly
+to become the victim of the meanest spite.
+
+'But to proceed with the yarn--neither care nor expense was spared in my
+upbringing, to which possibly more thought was devoted than even to the
+education of our very well-educated and trustworthy friend, the buxom
+Sicilian char-woman. At all events, the most certificated nurses
+procurable were continually being engaged, but apparently only to be
+dismissed again, for, almost perfect as most of them were, I can assure
+you that, in the course of a very little time they were certain, of
+course, to reveal (as was only natural) some slight weakness, and I ask
+you, good comrades all, which of us is without 'em? This overcarefulness
+on the part of my good parents was to be the cause of the disaster that
+was soon entirely to change the trend of my life.
+
+'It came about in this way. One of the discharged nurses, indignant at
+what, with some show of reason, she considered an injustice to herself
+(she had been dismissed for curling my hair only a little to the right
+instead of quite to the right), resolved to revenge herself on her late
+master and mistress, in such a manner as should be most likely to leave
+them wretched for the remainder of their lives. Knowing the
+overextravagance of their affection for me, she cruelly determined to
+strike them in this, their weakest spot. One dark night, after cleverly
+evading the ever-wakeful guards, she crept into my father's palace.
+Stealing up the main staircase without attracting observation, she
+arrived at the now empty throne-room, which she stealthily traversed,
+keeping all the while close to the wall. She then passed through the
+little door at the left of the grand throne and found herself in the
+billiard-room. She had not, however, taken two steps therein when a
+fearful panic seized her, for what should she behold but the stout form
+of my rare old dad the emperor leaning over the table, apparently in the
+act of making a brilliant stroke. A few seconds' consideration, however,
+served to convince the vengeful creature that he was fast asleep.
+Gnashing her teeth at the old gentleman, she hurried across the room and
+entered the library, in which my good mother was seated, reading. But so
+absorbed was the good lady in her book that she took no notice whatever
+of the agile intruder, as she entered by one door and swiftly left by
+the other. She now successively passed through the state ball-room, the
+music-room, the third best drawing-room, the second best ball-room, and
+the state bed-room, and mounting the back stairs, came to the suite of
+rooms occupied by the nurses, and eventually reached the nurses'
+dining-hall, into which my nursery led, without having excited any one's
+observation.
+
+'Opening my door very quietly, she peeped in. All was dark inside except
+for the glimmer of a night-light which shone on the frilling of my
+cradle and on the form of the nurse then in office, who had fallen
+asleep over her supper of stewed apples. Creeping in quietly, the
+evil-minded woman lifted my sleeping form from the cradle, so gently
+that she did not awaken me, and, holding me closely to her, once more
+successfully passed through all the apartments she had already
+traversed, without arousing any suspicion, and at length found herself
+again in the open air.
+
+'Without losing a moment, she now made off to the woods, and after
+wandering in these for some time, she met an old witch with whom, no
+doubt, she had an appointment. Seated on the grass, the two women
+haggled and haggled, and at last the treacherous nurse sold me to the
+witch for three cocoanuts, and then went on her way and out of my life
+for ever.
+
+'Now it happened that the old witch lived in the hollow trunk of a tree
+with her foster son, a tiny gnome named Orpheus, as quaint a little
+object as ever I set eyes on, who played incessantly and most
+beautifully on an old concertina, the very one, in fact, which I now
+carry with me. The little fellow had been found some years before by the
+old witch wandering near the ruins of an old temple in the very middle
+of the wood. To whom he belonged, and whence he had come, no one
+knew,--not even he himself, perhaps. However, the old girl adopted him,
+and now nothing could exceed the motherly affection with which she
+regarded this dry and shrivelled-up little chap,--unless, indeed, it was
+the ardour with which the grateful gnome returned it. In fact, I learned
+some time afterwards that the old witch had purchased me solely that I
+might be a companion for this rum little person.
+
+[Illustration: SHE NOW MADE OFF TO THE WOODS]
+
+'The old girl, weird as was her general appearance, did all she could to
+make me comfortable,--in fact far more than an ordinary witch would have
+dreamt of doing,--and in recognition of her well-intentioned attitude
+towards myself, I encouraged the spark of friendliness I began to feel
+for her. But for her darling son, as soon as I grew accustomed to his
+quaint appearance, and realised his kindness of heart and friendly
+disposition towards myself, I conceived a great affection. He would
+climb to the topmost branches of our tree, to practise his exercises
+every morning, in order that I should not be worried with melancholy
+repetitions, and, when perfected in some melody, who shall describe the
+unaffected joy with which he would come down and play it for my delight?
+How often in the moonlight (I lying on the grass at his side) would he
+play over and over again to me some melancholy air, while our
+foster-mother, mayhap, would be sweeping the dead leaves from our abode,
+and preparing it for our night's repose.
+
+[Illustration: HE WOULD CLIMB TO THE TOPMOST BRANCHES]
+
+'Not I alone was gratified and enchanted by his dulcet tones, for all
+the creatures of the woodland drew near and listened as night gradually
+covered the sky, and he played through his evening pieces.
+
+[Illustration: And played it for my delight]
+
+'Elephants hovered around in the shadows of the trees, and sighed great
+slobbering sighs. Bullfinches, sparrows, eagles, flamingoes, wild geese,
+peacocks, turkeys, cranes, pelicans, and every manner of bird, thronged
+the branches of the trees, and, with their heads and beaks sunk almost
+into their feathers, opened and closed their eyes in their
+rapturous surprise. The lions and tigers sprawled about, wishing, in
+pure shame at their habitual monstrous cruelties, that they had been
+vegetarians from the very beginning: such power had the music of
+Orpheus. Even the mad-headed monkeys and apes, sitting in rows amongst
+the trees, thought, Good heavens! what fools they were! and, blushing at
+their childish tricks, wondered if it yet were possible to reform and
+take a serious view of life. The old snake, quite overcome and
+enthralled by the delicious strains, opened wide his jaws, and allowed
+the little missel-thrush to nestle therein, and, thus protected from the
+night-air, to listen to the music in comfort. However, no lasting
+reformation was ever effected in their untamed natures, for no sooner
+had the music ceased than each scurried away, once again to resume his
+depredations and savage ways.
+
+'It happened one evening that the gnome surpassed himself by his
+rendering of some enchanting melodies, and every one was quite
+enthralled and rendered almost helpless. The birds sank their heads and
+beaks lower and lower into their feathers, as the music proceeded, until
+they were no longer visible. The lions and tigers rolled on their backs
+in the grass, in an agony of despair at their own unreformable lives:
+the elephants turned quite white, and trembled so violently that they
+could hardly support their own huge bulks and leant against one another
+to prevent themselves coming down with a crash; such a great lump had
+risen in the throat of the giraffe as quite distorted his otherwise
+graceful neck; while the monkeys gibbered and blubbered tearfully to
+themselves, and the old rascal of a snake slipped right off into a
+trance.
+
+'At last the music ceased, and the little musician left me while he went
+in to hang up his musical instrument in safety. Meanwhile, in spite of
+the state to which they had been elevated, the absurd creatures had all
+scurried off, as usual, with no other thought in their savage minds than
+to get each his own supper at any cost. The old snake, however, did not
+recover as quickly as the others, and when at length he awakened from
+his trance, he could see that all the others had vanished, and that I
+was lying on the grass, quite unprotected, the gnome not having, as yet,
+returned to my side. "Ha, ha!" said he to himself, his savage nature
+having returned in all its force, "what a slice of luck! By gum! I never
+see such a beauty. Won't the youngsters be just delighted!" He rapidly
+slithered in my direction and, quickly tying the end of his long form
+securely round me, slithered away again, carrying me through the long
+grass at a bewildering speed.
+
+'After travelling in this rough fashion for some time, we at length came
+to a clearing in the heart of the wood, in which stood all that remained
+of the ancient temple, and amongst its fallen columns and walls,
+overgrown as they were with wild flowers and tall grasses, the old snake
+had made his home, where he lived in comfort with his wife and a large
+brood of pranksome snakelets.
+
+'We were greeted by the youngsters with every mark of joy and surprise.
+"How good of you, Henry," cried the mother, "and what a really fine
+specimen! Shall we have him to-night, or keep him for next Tuesday, my
+birthday you know, dear?" After a little talk it was decided that I
+should be held over until the next Tuesday, and in the meantime I was
+placed in the larder, and given plenty of odd scraps to eat, no doubt to
+keep me plump and in good condition.
+
+'Tuesday came round in due course and, in order to celebrate the day in
+a manner suitable to the greatness of the occasion, the old snake
+invited all his neighbours. When I was brought out of the larder, on a
+large dish, roars of delight rose to the sky from the throats of the
+assembled guests, all seated round on the fallen stones of the ruined
+temple.
+
+'The old lion was there, smacking his lips in anticipation of a nice
+cut, and the tiger's mouth was visibly watering at the prospect of such
+a feast: while, as for the little snakelets, they kept up quite a
+clamour in their impatience to get at me. The monkeys, of course,
+contributed their share to the general uproar, though they seemed more
+inclined to fasten their eyes on the filberts and almonds with which I
+was garnished. The eagles took the whole thing very seriously and,
+flapping their great wings, screeched to the sky in their eagerness to
+begin; and all the other guests, the giraffes, the zebras, the hippos,
+the storks, the flamingoes, the wild cats, the pelicans, the wild geese,
+the peacocks, the turkeys, and every thinkable animal contributing to
+the general noise, there was such an awful din that the snake could only
+obtain silence by using the thin end of his long body as a flail on the
+drum-like sides of the elephant. He then made a few remarks on the
+importance of the occasion, and referred to his wife in quite a graceful
+way, for a snake; and, continuing, asked one of the guests to volunteer
+to carve. The stork, having a very convenient beak for the purpose,
+stood up and offered his services, which were gratefully accepted.
+
+'I was now placed on the grass directly in front of the carver, who was
+about to skewer me with his long and sharp beak, when there came to our
+ears from far away amongst the trees that surrounded us on every side,
+the sweet harmonies of that lovely song "The Pond where Herbert
+Drownded," played with the greatest sympathy on the concertina. At once
+the stork turned its head in the direction whence the sound proceeded,
+and as it gradually drew nearer and nearer I became more and more
+convinced that such music could only be produced by my friend and
+foster-brother.
+
+'All the creatures in varying degrees were affected; the snake and his
+wife coiled themselves on the grass and gasped in rapture; the stork and
+all the birds closed their eyes, and their heads sank lower and lower
+into their fluffy bodies, until like balls of feathers they rolled over
+and lay trembling in the grass.
+
+[Illustration: SWEEPING THE DEAD LEAVES]
+
+'The lion and tiger were so overcome that they leant their old heads on
+their paws and sobbed aloud, while the monkeys grew fidgety and quite
+self-conscious at first, and then abandoned themselves to the melancholy
+aroused by the music.
+
+'The gnome, whom I afterwards learnt had been wandering about the wood
+playing mournful airs on his concertina ever since he had missed me, now
+drew near, and finishing "The Pond where Herbert Drownded" proceeded
+with "Poor Molly Dawson" and other tunes of an equally affecting
+nature. On seeing that all were sufficiently bowled over, he struck up
+with "Oh, Jack, he was a Bright Spark," and so lively and brisk was the
+measure that up they all jumped and danced and danced with the greatest
+spirit.
+
+'The strangest figure of all was cut by the old snake who pirouetted on
+the end of his tail at the greatest speed, in which weird performance he
+was soon joined by his wife. The eagle extended his wings and waltzed
+with the elephant; the lion and tiger spun round, holding each other by
+the paw, so quickly that it was almost impossible to see them; the old
+turtle rolled over on the back of its shell and span like a teetotum,
+with the silly monkeys linking hands and in one wide ring skipping
+around it; in fact, all got up and jumped and lumped and sprawled about
+in the most ridiculous fashion until they were quite out of breath.
+Nevertheless, Orpheus would not let them rest, but marched off playing
+the most exciting music, and all the infatuated creatures, quite
+forgetful of their banquet, followed him through the wood. Strange
+enough, in all conscience, was this, but how much stranger by far was it
+when the very stones of the ruin leapt up, and rolling over and over,
+also followed in this odd procession as it tramped and crashed through
+the trees.
+
+'From where I was seated on the dish I could hear the sounds of the
+music gradually fading away, as the musician led the noisy crew further
+and further off; the crash of the falling branches and the crackle of
+the breaking underwood died down in the distance and I knew that I was
+saved.
+
+[Illustration: WITH NO OTHER WEALTH THAN MY CONCERTINA]
+
+'The little gnome led the bewitched creatures such a dance through the
+wood that one by one they fell down in a state of collapse, and when the
+last was quite overcome, the faithful fellow returned to the temple and
+carried me home.
+
+'Never again did they leave me alone for a single second until I was
+able to take care of myself, and I spent the years of my boyhood in
+great happiness with these two simple and kindly souls. Brother Orpheus
+took no end of pains in teaching me to play the concertina and, eager
+to learn, I soon became proficient. But, dear lads, clever as you know
+me to be, never could I even approach the skill of my good and patient
+master.
+
+'In the course of time the old witch had to die, and the grief of her
+little foster son was so great at his loss that, try as I would, I could
+not in any way lighten it. One day soon after I missed the little man,
+and he never returned again. All that he left behind him for me to
+remember him by was his old concertina.
+
+'I waited by the tree for many a long day, still thinking that he would
+return, until I was compelled at last to abandon all hope of ever seeing
+him again. I wandered out into the world with no other wealth than my
+concertina, but how often since have I had to bless the memory of my
+little friend who thus endowed me with the means of subsistence, and, at
+the same time, with a protection against all manner of evil.'
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE LOST GROCER]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE LOST GROCER
+
+
+For many and many a weary mile the persevering little band had now
+trudged on without meeting with any adventure worth relating, and every
+one was longing for the end of their travels, when one lovely evening
+they came across a good-natured-looking policeman, fast asleep on a
+stile by the roadside. The tramp, tramp of the army awakened him, and
+with a gentle smile he got off his perch and walked alongside the King.
+Charmed with his easy manner, the King jokingly asked him of what he had
+been dreaming that he smiled so pleasantly. 'Oh, of old times and old
+friends,' the policeman replied, and then as he walked along he thus
+related the strangest of experiences:--
+
+'Many years ago it was my happy lot to be the principal policeman of
+the pleasant little town of Troutpeg, situated, as you know, on the
+banks of the river Peg, just where it flows into the estuary of the
+Drip, that here broadens into that well-known land-locked harbour of the
+same name, and thus finally finds its way to the sea. Nestling amongst
+its stone-capped hills, the happy place seemed designed by a kind nature
+as a retreat for all who were blithe and amiable, and such indeed it
+proved to be, for no more kindly and genial souls than the Troutpegsters
+could be found. Their simplicity was delightful, though perhaps such as
+to incline them all the more readily to believe in the wild legends of
+the country-side. Many were the strange stories told by the shepherds,
+who tended their flocks on the hills at night, of wild rites, and
+uncouth dances performed by ghostly beings, in the light of the moon,
+amidst the ancient circles of Druid stones. Little else, however, was
+there to disturb the peaceful thoughts of the Troutpegsters.
+
+'The prosperity of the township was so great, and the comfort of each of
+its inhabitants so well assured that for many years no wickedness of any
+kind had shown its head, and the life of a policeman in this happy and
+secluded town was one long summer holiday. To be sure, a little skirmish
+here and there amongst the lads might make it wise gently to exert my
+authority, or a little quarrel amongst the girls call forth a slight
+rebuke, but otherwise my life was one of unbroken peace.
+
+'My dearest friend was the tea-grocer, a man of sad and dreamy ways and
+quite devoid of guile, who returned my affection with all the ardour of
+a singularly loving nature. He shared his every joy with me, and when
+his holidays came round no greater recreation could he find than in my
+society. Walking by my side as I strolled along my beat, he would
+confide to me his simple hopes and fears, and in his troubles seek my
+readily extended sympathy. Such simplicity and inoffensive mien had he
+as brought to him a rich harvest of respect and love, together with the
+custom of his fellow-townsmen.
+
+'In time his little store became quite an evening resort for those older
+townsmen who, no longer able to race about the green when work was done,
+would perhaps look in to purchase half a pound of coffee or tea, or
+sugar or salt for the good wife, and stay chatting with the amiable
+grocer. Then maybe one would look in to buy an ounce of tobacco, or the
+excellent snuff for which the grocer was far famed, and so on and so on
+until the shop was full. Seated around on the tea-chests, coffee bins,
+tobacco boxes and snuff tins, many a pleasant evening have we spent,
+enlivened by good-natured arguments and discussions on every conceivable
+subject.
+
+'One sultry summer's afternoon, as I was standing thinking in the
+cobbled high-street, the quiet of the still warm day disturbed only by
+the gentle breathing of the shopmen as they dozed amongst their wares,
+or the distant bleating of the sheep as they browsed in and out the
+rocks and Druid stones capping the surrounding hills, the comforting
+remembrance came to me of many a refreshing cup of tea partaken with the
+grocer in the snug little parlour behind his shop. With hardly a thought
+of what I was about, I allowed my idle steps gently to stray towards the
+homely store of my friend. Entering therein, and finding that he was
+away from home, I sat me down upon the little chair, so thoughtfully
+provided for weary customers, and with my head supported by the counter,
+resumed my broken train of thought until, completely overcome by a sense
+of drowsy comfort, I feel asleep.
+
+'I was suddenly awakened by the church clock striking eight, and found
+that all the town was wrapped in slumber and that the grocer had not yet
+returned. Wondering what on earth could keep him away so late, and
+hoping that no harm had overtaken him, I stiffly arose from my seat,
+stretched myself, and betook me to my home and bed.
+
+'On the following morning my first thought was for my friend, and on
+learning that he had not returned during the night, I called in turn on
+each of his neighbours,--the doctor, the vicar, the solicitor, the
+postman, and the corn-chandler, and many another equally interested in
+his movements. Not one, however, had seen him since the previous day,
+and all showed the liveliest concern and anxiety at his mysterious
+absence.
+
+'Night followed day, and day again followed night, with no sign of the
+vanished grocer. Weeks now passed by, and grief took possession of the
+little town at the loss of one who was missed at every turn. Hoping that
+even yet he might return, we kept his shop still open for him, and the
+little birds, encouraged by the silence, flew in and out and nested in
+the scales and amongst the stores, glutting their fluffy little bodies
+with the sugar-plums, the currants, the herbs and spices that everywhere
+abounded. And even the swallows, so much entertainment did they find
+therein, forgot, as the summer drew to its close, to fly away,
+preferring much to sleep the winter through in comfort.
+
+'But alas! months, and years and years and years rolled by, and the
+grocer never returned, and in time little enough thought was given to
+one who had, at one time, been held in such esteem by all. But we, the
+older Troutpegsters, still thought at times of our vanished friend, and
+many were the theories we suggested to account for his disappearance.
+
+'One held that he had been beguiled by gypsies, another that he had been
+stolen to be exhibited as a rare model of virtue in some distant clime,
+while others believed that the fairies, envious of our happiness in
+possessing such a friend, had taken him from our midst; but all agreed
+that we should have guarded our treasure with greater care.
+
+'One never-to-be-forgotten evening the doctor, the solicitor, the
+vicar, the corn-chandler, and myself (some of us already stricken in
+years) were seated, as was now our evening custom, upon the rustic
+bridge that carries the road across the river Peg. The fragrant smoke of
+our long pipes rising to the evening sky, our conversation, as was now
+so frequently the case, had drifted from politics, sport, fashions and
+the latest police intelligence to lovingly-recalled memories of our
+long-lost friend, and so sad did we become that lumps as large as egg
+plums rose to our throats, and our eyes brimmed over with tears.
+
+[Illustration: AFFECTED BY HIS STORY]
+
+'Drying our eyes we now smoked on in silent contemplation of the past;
+the night gradually drew down, and the first star appeared in the
+cloudless sky when there came to us the sound of a distant footstep,
+coming along the road towards the town, and presently a strange figure
+hove in sight,--an old, old man, with long tangled grey hair and shaggy
+beard, clothed in the most pitiable rags, torn, and held together with
+straw and odd pieces of string. He passed slowly across the bridge,
+leaning heavily on his staff, and limped with difficulty towards the
+town, into which with one accord we followed him.
+
+[Illustration: PLUMP INTO THE RIVER WE WENT]
+
+'Down the cobbled high street he walked until he came to the shop of the
+vanished grocer into which he turned without any hesitation. Wondering
+what business could take him there, we all hastened to the door of the
+shop, and there, with the utmost astonishment, beheld the stranger
+remove his threadbare coat, and replace it with the grocer's moth-eaten
+apron that had hung for so long from a peg on the door; then he
+commenced dusting the shop and putting it straight. As I gazed, my
+astonishment gave place to the most incredulous amazement when I
+detected in the old man a fancied likeness to the departed grocer. At
+last, after closer scrutiny, I was convinced that it was indeed no other
+than my friend actually returned after all these years, and as he at the
+same time more easily recognised me, we fell into each other's arms, and
+who shall describe the extravagance of our joy?
+
+'In a little while, when we had calmed down, we all retired to the
+little parlour behind the shop, and our good friend brewed us a cup of
+tea as of old, and after a little gentle persuasion related to us the
+following strange story of his disappearance:--
+
+'"On that memorable summer afternoon, many years ago, as I was weighing
+out the sugar into pound and half-pound packets (which, as you may
+remember, was my rule at that time of day to prepare for the evening
+trade), a strange old gentleman, clothed in the deepest black from cap
+to slippers, yet withal possessed of the most snowy ringlets and beard,
+entered my shop and begged of me some food for his family, assuring me
+that they were all slowly dying of starvation.
+
+'"Affected by his story, I was making up for him a parcel containing
+lentils, raisins, dates, figs, sugar, and other goods which I thought
+might be acceptable, when, to my astonishment, the ungrateful old rascal
+snatched up a large tin of the finest snuff, which you will remember I
+used to sell in great quantities, and bolted with it out of the shop.
+
+'"Without a moment's hesitation I divested myself of my apron, and
+donning my coat, followed him at the greatest speed. Away he ran down
+the high street towards the bridge, which he very soon crossed, and now
+along the river bends he sped, with me close at his heels. For miles we
+ran, even as far as the source of the river Peg, which we doubled and
+came tearing down the other side. I now perceived that, in spite of his
+age, he ran almost quicker than I did. Presently into the river he
+plunged, I following close, and then he retraced his steps towards its
+source. Once more plump into the river we went, and as I scrambled up
+the opposite bank I noticed to my dismay that, while I grew more tired
+and out of breath as we ran, he became brisker and fresher. Discarding
+his hat, cloak, and slippers, though still holding on to the snuff tin,
+he now appeared in robes of dazzling white, which, with his hair and
+long white beard, flowed behind him as he ran, and gradually increased
+the distance between us.
+
+[Illustration: Followed him at the greatest speed]
+
+'"Soon I could perceive that he was making for the hill above the town
+which, with no difficulty at all, he mounted long before I had reached
+its foot, and when at last I struggled to the top the old rogue was
+seated upon one of the Druid stones that here in one great circle crown
+the hill, smiling, and hugging to himself the while the tin of snuff. On
+seeing me again, he soon jumped down, and I dodged him in and out
+of the stones for at least three hours by the church clock, and then
+weary and utterly dejected I sat me down on a stone in the centre of the
+ring and wept bitterly. Directly beneath me I could see, through my
+tears, the lights of our little town shine out here and there from the
+gathering darkness, while over the hills, away to my left, the edge of
+the full red moon began to show. As higher and higher it climbed the
+sky, one by one there leapt from the earth beneath each stone an aged
+Druid all clothed in white, with long waving grey locks and beard, and
+crowned with garlands of oak leaves, holly, laurels, and mistletoe. When
+the circle of Druids was quite complete the old rascal who had lured me
+from my shop, and who now appeared to be their chief, stepped towards
+me, now far too bewildered and astounded to resist, and solemnly placed
+upon my brow a wreath of wild violets. Then separately, each of the
+Druids came forward with some offering which he placed before me,
+afterwards returning to his place in the circle, so that presently there
+grew upon the grass in front of me a great mound of vegetables, fruit,
+flowers, haunches of venison, fowls, hares, rabbits, and young lambs. At
+length, every Druid having made his offering, their chief handed round
+the tin of snuff from which each old fellow took a large pinch, and
+then, linking hands, they danced wildly round me.
+
+[Illustration: THERE GREW IN FRONT OF ME A GREAT MOUND]
+
+'"In utter silence, by the light of the moon, now high in the sky, these
+solemn rites were performed, and still without a sound they whirled
+quicker and quicker around me, their feet hardly seeming to touch the
+ground, and their long loose garments streaming after them as they flew.
+
+'"Presently the distant chime of the church clock striking twelve
+reached me from the town below and I gradually fell into a trance, as
+one by one the old Druids sank into the earth beneath the stones.
+
+'"Every day since then until to-day have I passed in complete oblivion,
+and every night have I awakened to find myself seated on the stone in
+the centre of the ring of Druids, with all the power of resistance taken
+from me, compelled to be the object of their weird rites.
+
+[Illustration: SNEEZING AND SNEEZING]
+
+'"Last night, however, just as the church clock began to strike twelve,
+such a rush of memories flooded my brain, and such a longing to see my
+old home and friends took possession of me, that a terrible rage at the
+cruel tyranny of the Druids had gathered in my bosom before the clock
+had finished striking the hour. When it was about to strike the last
+beat, I arose from my seat in the centre of the circle and approaching
+the wicked old chief, I snatched the snuff tin from his hands and
+clapped it, snuff and all, right down over his eyes. Strange to say the
+contents of the tin had not diminished by so much as a single pinch, and
+such a fit of sneezing seized the old scoundrel that he rolled on the
+grass in the greatest distress, quite unable to put the usual spell upon
+me. All the other Druids, with abject terror expressed on their faces,
+sank at once into the ground. The form of the head Druid, sneezing and
+sneezing and sneezing, gradually faded away before my eyes, and long
+after he had completely disappeared the sneezing could still be heard.
+Eventually this died away, and pulling my clothes together as best I
+could (for by now they were all in rags), I made the best of my way
+home."
+
+'Having finished his story the grocer now became very thoughtful, and we
+all sat round his little room smoking in silence until far into the
+night, wondering at the strange events he had related. Next day, and for
+a whole week, great festivities were held to celebrate his return, and
+the Mayor very willingly resigned his office in favour of one who was
+held in such esteem. Innumerable presentations were made to him and
+addresses read to him, yet, in spite of all the honours he received,
+never did he forget his old friends. Nor was he too proud to serve in
+his little shop, now enlivened by the songs of the birds he had not the
+heart to turn away. He spent the remainder of his useful life in the
+performance of kind deeds and in well-deserved happiness.'
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE MERCHANT'S WIFE AND THE MERCHANT]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE MERCHANT'S WIFE AND THE MERCHANT
+
+
+'Very, very good, indeed,' the King remarked when the policeman had
+finished his story, and he was so pleased that he gave all the
+youngsters a half-holiday, with strict injunctions to be back in time
+for tea.
+
+At tea-time they all came skipping back, bringing with them a little old
+man they had found, apparently lost, and moping about the common. He
+carried in front of him a pedlar's tray, on which were exposed for sale
+many little oddments, such as reels of cotton, needles, pins, ribbons,
+and even little toys, which he now hawked round amongst the assembled
+company. As many as were able bought some small thing or other out of
+kindness to the little merchant, and the good-natured old monarch
+invited him to tea.
+
+While they were all enjoying this meal, they were disturbed by a great
+noise, very much like the galloping of a horse, and suddenly, without
+any warning, right into their midst there leapt a very large woman, who
+immediately seized upon the little merchant, and attempted to drag him
+away. Bill at once went to the assistance of the little fellow, and
+endeavoured to pacify his assailant. At length the irate creature calmed
+down, and addressing the company in an aggrieved tone, said:--'It's all
+very well for you people to stand up for this wicked man, but not one of
+you knows the dance the little wretch has led me for the last fifteen
+years.'
+
+'Of course,' the King answered, 'it is hardly to be expected that we
+should know anything of either of you, considering that this is the very
+first time we have had the pleasure of meeting you. Perhaps you will be
+so kind as to enlighten us, and explain to us your strange conduct.'
+
+The large woman now sat down upon the grass and said:--'Well, I suppose
+I had better do so. Give me a cup of tea, and I'll let you know all
+there is to know.'
+
+A cup of tea was accordingly handed to her, from which she took a sip,
+and then proceeded thus:--
+
+'About fifteen years ago I was so unfortunate as to wed this poor
+specimen of a man you see before you, and we had not set up house
+together very long before I could see that he wanted thoroughly looking
+after, and, indeed, that he could hardly be allowed out by himself. Now
+this was very awkward, as his business required that he should be out
+all day, so I proposed to accompany him on his rounds. Holding him
+securely fastened to the end of a long cord, I never let him out of my
+sight for more than a minute at a time, and so kept him from mischief.
+After a year or so, however, this grew rather tiresome for me, as I had
+to neglect my household duties in attending upon my husband, and, in the
+end, was compelled to let him out again alone.
+
+[Illustration: Bringing with them a little old man]
+
+'But you may be sure I did not do this until I had laid down certain
+fixed rules for his behaviour, which I made him promise to obey. Amongst
+these, one was that he should start from home not a minute earlier and
+not a minute later than eight o'clock in the morning; another was, that
+if he returned either a minute earlier or a minute later than eight
+o'clock in the evening, he should go supperless to bed. And, would
+you believe me, in spite of all my care, he would sometimes return
+earlier and, as I learnt afterwards, remain outside until the clock
+struck eight, when he would creep in as though he had only just
+returned?
+
+'But my great trouble only began a few weeks ago, when, one evening,
+having cooked his nightly turnip, I waited patiently for my good man's
+return. At length the clock struck eight, and, to my surprise, it was
+not immediately followed by my husband's timid knock. One minute passed;
+two minutes passed; three minutes passed; four minutes passed; and, on
+the fifth minute, there was a low knock at the door, and in crept the
+miserable man, and cowered to his place. But, as you may suppose, there
+was no turnip for him _that_ night, until he had given a satisfactory
+explanation of his late return. The only excuse the frightened little
+ruffian had to offer was, that he had dropped a needle on the road, and
+had to return for it. So he went supperless to bed.
+
+'The next evening, having warmed up the old turnip, I again awaited his
+return. Eight o'clock struck, and, to my even greater surprise, it was
+not followed by the merchant's knock, and this time it was six minutes
+past before he entered, and with no better excuse for his late arrival
+than that he had dropped a reel of cotton on the road, and had to return
+for it. "Let this be a lesson to you, my man," said I, as I once more
+put away the turnip, which he had been regarding with longing eyes, and
+sent him to bed.
+
+'For the third time, on the following evening, I warmed up the turnip,
+feeling convinced that after the severe lesson he had received, my
+merchant would not again serve me such a trick. But eight o'clock
+struck, and then one minute passed; then two, three, four, five, six,
+seven, eight, nine, and as the minute-hand pointed to the ten, he
+crawled in on hands and knees, not daring to raise his eyes from the
+ground. And then I told him what I thought of his conduct.
+
+[Illustration: MOPING ABOUT THE COMMON]
+
+'Without waiting to hear a word of explanation, I now locked him in a
+cupboard beneath the stairs, put the turnip away, and went to bed. In
+the morning I let him out, but of course gave him no breakfast, and in
+due time he took his tray of goods, and left the house without a word.
+Hardly had he departed three minutes, when I hastily donned my bonnet
+and shawl, and followed him, determined to learn, if possible, what had
+delayed him on the three previous evenings. Keeping at a safe distance,
+I followed him all over the town, but nothing unusual happened. He
+called at every house, displaying his wares to any one likely to buy;
+selling a ribbon here, perhaps some pins or needles there, but his
+conduct, on the whole, seemed harmless enough. At length the day passed
+by, and the merchant started homewards; but he had not moved many paces,
+when he came to a stop, and seemed to debate in his mind whether he
+should return or not. Then, looking up and down the road, and seeing no
+one watching him, he suddenly took to his heels, and ran as hard as he
+could in the opposite direction. I lost no time in climbing over the
+wall, behind which I had been hiding, and quickly followed him. Out of
+the town the villain ran as swiftly as he could go, and I followed as
+close as possible, without being seen by him, and was only just in time
+to see the rogue climb into an old barrel that was standing, end up, in
+a field near the roadway. "Now," thought I, "I've got you in a trap, my
+fine fellow," and I ran up to the barrel. I could hardly believe the
+evidence of my eyes when I found it to be quite empty. Amazed beyond
+measure, I at last turned my steps towards home.
+
+'On arriving home, I found that my husband had not returned, and it was
+fully twenty minutes past eight when at last he appeared, but I was so
+astonished that I could not say a word to the little rascal, and once
+more he went supperless to bed.
+
+'For four more days I followed the little man without approaching a
+solution to this riddle. Each day he would go about his business in the
+usual manner and, in the evening, he would run to the barrel, into which
+he would speedily disappear. He came home later and later every night,
+until I could stand this state of things no longer; and, on the sixth
+day I determined never to return until I had satisfactorily cleared up
+this mystery. This time, instead of following my merchant through the
+town, I went direct to the barrel, and, hiding myself behind a bush near
+by, prepared to wait there all day and see what happened.
+
+'I had not made myself comfortable many minutes before I saw two old men
+coming along the road from the town; so old were they indeed, that they
+could only creep along by leaning one against the other. Right up to the
+barrel they crawled, and then, to my surprise, they scrambled over its
+sides and disappeared. Presently two more just as old and decrepit came
+along and disappeared in the same way. Now three more came, then two
+again, and then only one, all as old and wretched as could be, and each
+one crawled into the barrel and vanished. This went on for some time
+when, unable to restrain my curiosity and wondering why on earth the
+barrel didn't become full, I hurriedly left my hiding-place and looked
+therein, to find that it yet remained quite empty. I had barely time
+enough to regain my hiding-place when more and more old men came along
+the road and disappeared into the barrel.
+
+'This went on all day, and when the evening drew near, I could see my
+little man approaching from the town. As I expected, he walked straight
+up to the barrel, and in a twinkling had vanished inside. Without giving
+myself a moment to think, I once more left my hiding-place and climbed
+into the mysterious old tub. It was certainly rather a tight fit, but I
+managed to get in somehow or other. Presently I was astonished and
+alarmed to find that the bottom of the barrel, which I had imagined to
+rest on the earth, began to give way and open like a trap-door, and I
+felt myself sinking lower and lower, down a sort of well. The next
+thing, I found myself at the bottom of the well, and at the mouth of a
+tunnel so narrow and low that I could only go through it on my hands and
+knees. This, however, I proceeded to do, and found that it opened into a
+great chamber cut out of the solid rock.
+
+'Not daring to enter, I gazed into this strange place, which was lighted
+with many candles all affixed to the rocky walls with their own tallow.
+On the centre of the floor was piled a great heap of children's
+toys,--tin trumpets, wooden horses, drums, hoops, skipping-ropes,
+rocking-horses, peg-tops, in fact, every conceivable toy that a sensible
+child could wish for. Around this great heap, instead of children, sat
+all the poor miserable old men I had seen enter the barrel, and amongst
+them I now perceived my husband, who certainly seemed no happier than
+the rest. Securely hidden in the narrow passage from every one in the
+room, I could now watch all that took place, in the greatest comfort.
+
+'Not a word was said by any of the decrepit creatures as they stared
+absently at the toys in the middle of the room. Presently one whom I
+took to be their host, as I had not seen him enter the barrel, took from
+a peg on the wall, from which it had been suspended by a piece of
+string, an old bent tin pipe and proceeded to play. At once the wrinkled
+faces of the poor old fellows began to brighten up, and as the music
+grew more lively, they rocked their withered frames to and fro to the
+tunes. Soon, one by one, they stood upon their feet, and seeming to lose
+their old age as the music every moment became more enchanting, they
+forgot their feebleness and danced gaily about the room.
+
+'Younger and younger they grew, until my husband appeared to be such a
+dapper and bright little man that I could not prevent myself from
+leaving my hiding-place and going up to him and clasping him round the
+waist. Not a bit surprised did he seem to see me there, and as we
+danced merrily up and down the room, to my great joy and astonishment, I
+felt myself growing younger every moment, whilst the rest of the
+company, now all transformed to fine young men, danced in one circle
+round us, as handsome a couple as you would wish to see.
+
+[Illustration: KEPT HIM OUT OF MISCHIEF]
+
+'Still the magical music continued, and if anything grew more and more
+enchanting as we grew younger and younger, until we seemed to be
+frolicsome boys and girls once more. At last we found ourselves to be a
+crowd of little toddling children, and, my word! how we grabbed at the
+great heap of toys placed there for our amusement, and what a time we
+had to be sure!
+
+[Illustration: GLORIOUS TARTS AND SWEETS]
+
+'Under the great heap of toys, we discovered the most glorious tarts,
+pastries, cakes and sweets, and it didn't seem to matter how much you
+ate of them, for you never lost your appetite for more. At last, alas!
+the wonderful music quieted down, and by degrees we once more lost our
+childhood, then our youth, and, when the music suddenly stopped, we all
+returned to our old selves again, and fell flat on our faces quite tired
+out, while our host hung up his old tin pipe on its peg in the wall.
+
+'When we had all somewhat recovered, I fixed my eye upon my husband.
+"Now," thought I, "I've got you. This is how you waste your time, is it?
+And why you come home late for supper." The conscience-stricken
+creature trembled before my gaze, and then made a rush for the door. All
+made way for him, but I quickly followed through the tunnel and mounted
+a ladder which led to the trap-door at the bottom of the barrel, out of
+which I climbed, but only in time to see the rascal disappear into the
+town. I then made the best of my way home.
+
+[Illustration: IT DIDN'T MATTER HOW MUCH YOU ATE]
+
+'He had not returned when I arrived, so I waited three whole days and
+nights, prepared to make the unnatural man feel to the full my
+resentment at his shameful conduct. On the fourth day, as he had not
+come home, I went back to the tub, and not seeing any sign of him, I
+gave a kick to the old thing and sent it rolling over and over on its
+side. Would you believe me, there was not the slightest trace of any
+passage or well ever having existed beneath it. Since then I have
+wandered all over the country in search of this ungrateful wretch.' And
+the indignant woman, having finished her story, once more attempted to
+drag the affrighted little merchant away. Bill again intervened, and
+after a few very kind words, successfully persuaded her to allow her
+husband to remain with them, at the same time inviting her to make one
+of their brave band.
+
+This she only consented to do on condition that the policeman also never
+left them, 'as you never know,' said she, 'what the little wretch will
+be up to next.'
+
+The policeman having no objection to fall in with her wishes, they all
+marched on in peace.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS
+
+
+Time was now getting on, and the fidgety old King, weary of being
+constantly on the move, became more and more impatient to reach his
+journey's end. For many days they had been crossing the great desert,
+and were fast approaching the further side when, one evening, the
+aggravating old fellow decided that they should march on right through
+the night. In vain did Bill point out to him how tired they all were;
+the old King would not even listen to him, so, whether they liked it or
+not, they had to jog on.
+
+Wearily they trudged along, and towards morning they came upon a great
+stone sphinx, in the arms of which there nestled a company of little
+children, every one of whom was fast asleep. Presently, as the sun rose
+and shone under the lids of their eyes, they, one by one, awakened, and
+stared in mute astonishment at the dusty figures before them. Assuring
+them that they had nothing to fear at their hands, Bill, with the King's
+permission, invited them all to breakfast. Seated in a great circle on
+the sands, beneath the old sphinx, every one did his utmost to make the
+strangers comfortable and to remove their natural shyness; and, in a
+little while, it was a very jovial party that sat demolishing the
+substantial breakfast prepared for them. Many songs were sung and
+stories told by Bill and his comrades, and presently one of the little
+fellows, who appeared to be the youngest of their new friends, stood up
+and related the following story:--
+
+'We are all brothers and sisters, and lived, until yesterday, with our
+good parents upon a sandbank in the mouth of the river Blim which, as
+you know, is one of the smaller tributaries of the river Nile. Our
+father was a fisherman, and upon the only spot on the bank which
+remained invariably high and dry, the clever man had erected a shed
+which served us for home, and which, at least, protected us from the
+showers of spray blown from the rough seas, and the chill winds that
+blew across the neighbouring marshes, as well as the cold rains that, in
+the fall of the year, flooded the adjacent country for miles around. A
+dozen stout beams, that had been cast up by the waves, served, each with
+one end deeply embedded in the wet sand, as a framework for our humble
+mansion. These were covered over with numerous skins of fish and pieces
+of old rag, all neatly stitched together by our industrious mother, or
+pinned by fish-bones skilfully sharpened by grinding their ends between
+two stones. Our good dad's stock-in-trade consisted of one long piece of
+frayed string, with a sharpened fishbone, bent in the form of a hook,
+fastened at one end, a small boat and a paddle, the former of which he
+had skilfully fashioned out of an old basket that had been washed
+ashore, and over which he had stretched more of the rags and fish-skins,
+of which we always possessed a goodly supply saved over from our meals.
+
+[Illustration: They came upon a great stone sphinx]
+
+'During the long winter months we were entirely cut off from our fellow
+creatures by the floods and the terrible storms at sea, and were
+compelled to subsist entirely upon our own resources; and thus we
+learnt, after many a bitter trial, to make almost everything we required
+from the spoils brought home by our hard-working father. The flesh
+of the fish, of course, served us for meat, either fresh or pickled in
+brine, and then dried in the sun. The roes, prepared in the same way,
+were our only delicacies, and, by an indulgence in these, we used to
+celebrate our many birthdays. Fish dripping we had in plenty, and the
+bones were dried and ground between two rocks, making the finest flour
+for bread and pies. The tails and fins were always saved, and, after a
+simple drying process, made excellent fuel, easily set alight with
+sparks kindled by knocking two stones sharply together. A fine black ash
+was left from fires kindled in this way, which, mixed with a little
+sea-water, made one of the purest inks. The good dad always encouraged
+us to make notes on the smooth white skins of the young dab, bleached
+and dried in the sun, explaining how useful they would be to us in
+after-life, and showed us how to cut pens from the larger bones of the
+fish. The only parts which the unselfish man reserved for himself were
+the eyes which, when dried, were his only substitute for tobacco in that
+lone part of the world, and which he smoked in a pipe most beautifully
+carved by himself, from the spine of an old cod.
+
+'The heads of the fish served the younger children for bricks, or even,
+after a little trimming, for dolls, with which they amused themselves
+during the long winter evenings. Many another device had we whereby we
+made the most of our very small opportunities, but you will readily see
+how dependent we were for everything upon the good fortune and
+resources of our father, without whom we should all very quickly have
+perished.
+
+'For many days and nights at a time our good dad would remain upon the
+sea, returning sometimes with a good supply of fish; at other times,
+alas! with only one or two little dabs, or even with nothing at all.
+Yet, by dint of saving up for a rainy day, when we had more than enough
+for our present needs, we managed to jog along fairly comfortably. One
+sad winter's evening, however, our good parent returned, having caught
+nothing but a very small dab and a very severe cold. Our anxious mother,
+in a state of alarm, lit a great fire and, after making him take a bowl
+of steaming fish gruel, with his feet at the same time in a bath of hot
+sea-water, she sent him to bed, and covered him up with as many fish
+skins as she could spare from the house. The next day he was decidedly
+worse, and our anxiety increased day by day as he showed no signs of
+improvement. Very soon, with no one to replenish our larder, our stores
+began to run low, and starvation stared us in the face.
+
+'At last one morning the invalid called our eldest brother to him and
+said to him:--"Son, our stores are all eaten up, and unless we obtain
+food by to-morrow morning we shall all surely die, so take my boat and
+fishing-line and see what luck will attend you." With tears in his eyes,
+the good-hearted boy left the house and very soon embarked.
+
+[Illustration: THE HEADS SERVED FOR DOLLS]
+
+'Having paddled some way out to sea, he threw his line, and fished and
+fished. After a little while he drew it in again to find, alas! that he
+had caught nothing. For the second time he cast his line, and fished and
+fished and fished, but on again pulling in the line he found that he had
+no better luck. He now for the third time threw out his line, and fished
+and fished and fished and fished, yet no better fortune attended him;
+so, bitterly disappointed, he wound up the tackle and paddled home.
+
+'Sorrowfully the unhappy father heard of his eldest son's want of
+success, and then sent for his second eldest son, and requested him to
+see if fortune would be kinder to him than it had been to his brother.
+But, alas! he returned likewise without even so much as a whitebait.
+Then, one after the other, he sent all his sons except myself, who am
+the youngest of all, but not a little piece of luck awaited any of them.
+The wretched man now called me to him and said:--"Son, hitherto I have
+been reluctant to send one so young upon such an errand, but,
+alack-a-day! you are now our only hope; unless good fortune waits upon
+you we shall all perish."
+
+[Illustration: YOU ARE NOW OUR ONLY HOPE]
+
+'After comforting him as much as I could, and assuring him that I would
+do my best, I hastened down to the shore and embarked in the little
+boat. I paddled a good way out to sea until I came to a suitable
+fishing-ground, and then threw out my line. I fished and fished and
+fished and fished, and on drawing in my line found nothing on the hook
+except the bait, a wretched piece of dried fish skin, which looked very
+draggled as it rose from the water. "Better luck next time," thought I,
+as I threw my line for the second time, and fished and fished and fished
+and fished and fished. Yet, on pulling up the line, I found to my dismay
+that instead of better luck I had even worse, if that were possible, for
+the wretched bait had vanished from the hook. "Once more," thought I, as
+I dropped my line overboard for the third time, "and, fish or no fish, I
+must give it up, even though we all die of starvation." So I fished and
+fished and fished and fished and fished with all my might, and when at
+length I had hauled it in you may imagine my distress when I discovered
+that not merely was there no fish upon the line, but that the hook
+itself had disappeared. With tears of rage and disappointment I now gave
+it up and prepared to return, but I had not gone very far when I
+thought, "Shall I have just one more try even without hook or bait?" And
+not giving myself any time to think about it, I hurled my line out for
+the fourth time and fished and fished and fished and fished and fished
+and fished and fished as hard as I could, when fancying that I felt a
+nibble, I hauled it in as quickly as possible and found an old
+sardine-tin which had become entangled in the line.
+
+'Hastily opening the tin, all I found therein was the head of an old
+sprat. "Alas!" said I to myself, "is this, after all my troubles, the
+only food I can take to my suffering father and hungering mother and
+brothers and sisters; better it would have been had we never been
+born!" and the tears streamed down my face.
+
+'As I bent low over my miserable catch a great shadow passed across the
+boat and suddenly looking up, I beheld a beautiful albatross sailing in
+the sky above me. No sooner did the graceful creature catch sight of the
+head of the sprat than it swooped down upon the tin that contained it,
+snatching it from my hands, and flew off with it as speedily as
+possible. Now it happened I had not let go my hold on the line, the
+other end of which was still fastened to the tin, so that in a very few
+minutes I felt myself lifted bodily up and whirled through the air and
+out to sea at a great speed. Dangling many feet beneath the great bird,
+on and on I was carried over the tops of the waves, in the greatest
+anxiety lest the marauding fowl should take a lower flight, in which
+case I should inevitably have been plunged into the sea and drowned.
+
+'How many miles we travelled thus it would be impossible for me to tell,
+but at length my arms grew tired of holding on and supporting my weight,
+and I began to fear every moment that I should slip off into the sea,
+when I beheld a fishing-boat in the distance, right in our course.
+Hoping that we should reach it before my strength gave out I anxiously
+watched the vessel as we gradually drew near. At last I found myself
+directly over the boat, and shutting my eyes, I let go my hold on the
+line, and dropped down right on to a pile of fish in the middle of the
+deck, sending them flying in all directions amongst the astonished
+fisherman.
+
+[Illustration: I FISHED AND FISHED AND FISHED]
+
+'My remarkable appearance amongst them had the most astonishing effect
+upon the fishermen. They one and all leapt into the sea, and
+notwithstanding my endeavours to entice them back to the boat, and to
+explain to them my sudden descent upon their vessel, the affrighted
+creatures swam off to the distant shore, which, let us hope, they
+reached in safety.
+
+'Looking around me I now discovered, to my great joy, that the boat was
+full of the finest fish, so, seizing the oars, I turned her head towards
+home, where I arrived with my prize on the following morning, after a
+hard night's work, rowing the heavily-laden craft to shore.
+
+'The rejoicings were great, as you may well imagine, when my good
+parents and brothers and sisters beheld me again, for all had given me
+up for lost, our old boat having been washed ashore the previous
+evening. A great meal of fish was prepared as soon as possible, at which
+we all ate heartily after so long a fast, and the old gentleman's
+condition was greatly improved by the meal.
+
+'Long before the large supply of food had been consumed, the good living
+and comfort had restored our dad's health, and he was able to resume his
+fishing. Being now so much better equipped with the fine boat in which I
+had returned, and with the splendid tackle we discovered therein, good
+luck always attended his fishing and we never wanted any more.
+
+'In the course of time it became necessary that their children should
+all leave them and seek their fortunes, and only yesterday morning, with
+many tears, we bade adieu to our kind-hearted parents and started on our
+journey.'
+
+The young strangers were now all thoroughly refreshed by their
+breakfast, and learning the nature of the campaign upon which the King
+and his army were engaged, willingly offered their assistance as
+camp-followers, or in any other way that they might be useful. The King
+very gratefully accepted their services, and before resuming the march
+the whole army went out of their way and visited the kindly fisherman.
+The King was pleased to confer many honours on the old fellow, and,
+before leaving him, promised to look after his numerous family, and in
+the future to provide for all their wants.
+
+[Illustration: tailpiece]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE SIEGE OF TROY]
+
+[Illustration: headpiece]
+
+
+
+
+THE SIEGE OF TROY
+
+
+Early one fine morning, before the soldiers had arisen, the King, in a
+very excited state, called his general to his bedside and, pointing
+through the opening of his tent, said:--
+
+'Bill, can you see, far away upon the horizon, that little point of
+light?' And Bill, straining his eyes in the direction indicated, was
+indeed able to detect a little flash, as though the sun were shining
+upon a cucumber frame many miles away.
+
+'Well,' said the old man, 'that is the reflection of the sun upon the
+dome of my palace in Troy.'
+
+Bill, delighted that at last they were nearing their journey's end, went
+off and awakened the camp with the glad news, and all came running out
+and gazed in the direction of Troy; and so heartened were the brave
+fellows at the sight that they gave three resounding cheers.
+
+Their eagerness to be off was so great that there was no breakfast that
+morning, and soon performing a hurried toilet, and speedily packing up
+their sticks, they were on the move once more. The King's excitement
+knew no bounds and, after distributing amongst his followers the
+contents of his pocket, he insisted on climbing out of his chariot, and
+giving each of his officers in turn a ride therein. Having travelled
+some little way, the King suddenly called a halt, and held up his hand
+for silence, and then, in the clear air, could be heard the bells of
+Troy! More excited than ever, the King now took off his crown, and
+removing some of the jewels with the pen-knife which Bill had presented
+to him on his birthday, gave one to each of his chief officers.
+
+In a little time the towers of Troy came into view, on the further edge
+of the great plain they were crossing, and the elated King, quite beside
+himself with joy and expectation at this glorious sight, stood upon the
+seat of his chariot and danced, much to the alarm of Boadicea, who was
+wheeling him. He then sat down again, and, taking off his slippers, he
+threw them, one by one, as high into the air as he could, and caught
+them as they descended. As they came nearer and nearer to their goal the
+old fellow's spirits rose to such a pitch that something really had to
+be done, so the musician was told-off to play soothing tunes to him, and
+in time the excitable creature calmed down, only, however, to break out
+again when they halted that night before the walls of Troy. At last, to
+keep him quiet once and for all, and out of everybody's way, they put
+him to bed with a soothing-draught made up by the doctor.
+
+The approach of the gallant fellows had been closely observed from the
+watch-towers of the city, and, in consequence, they found the gates fast
+closed when they halted before them. And, as nothing could be done that
+night, they fixed up their camp and retired to rest.
+
+On the following morning, Bill sent the merchant's wife as an
+ambassadress into the city, to demand its instant surrender, and very
+gladly she undertook the task.
+
+[Illustration: Closely observed from the watch towers]
+
+'This is quite in my line,' said she, as she knocked for admittance at
+the gate, through which she was admitted after a little delay. Bill
+waited anxiously for her reappearance, hoping that the King of Persia
+would be wise enough to give up the city without further trouble, but
+suddenly a great roar resounded from the other side of the walls, and
+almost immediately afterwards the ambassadress, with tufts of the
+Persian King's hair held between her clenched fingers, was thrown out of
+the gates.
+
+'There's nothing for it now,' thought Bill, 'but to lay siege to the
+place,' and he at once proceeded to walk round the city and examine the
+nature of the ground; after which he mustered his whole force before
+him, and disposed them according to the accompanying plan:--
+
+[Illustration: PLAN OF SIEGE]
+
+In this way Bill completely surrounded the city, allowing no provisions
+of any kind to enter, and prepared to wait until the inhabitants had
+exhausted all their stores, and could hold out no longer.
+
+These were the instructions of General Bill to his army, to be
+faithfully carried out during the siege:--
+
+    1. That the King was not to be allowed out of his tent on any
+    account, in spite of his impatience.
+
+    2. That, with the exception of the general and the scout, no warrior
+    was allowed, without his officers permission, to leave his post, day
+    or night, during the siege, and if any one were discovered sleeping
+    without one eye open, his allowance of sugar for porridge next
+    morning was to be stopped.
+
+    3. That the scout was to be continually on the move.
+
+    4. That Boadicea was to prepare all the meals, and that at each meal
+    time she was to take the food she had cooked to the soldiers (an
+    extra large portion being always reserved for the King).
+
+    5. That every morning, with breakfast, she was to take to each his
+    boots brightly polished, a bowl of hot water to wash in, and a comb,
+    and that every evening she should bring them their slippers and
+    their night-shirts.
+
+For three years the siege went on, in quite a peaceful and, at times,
+even a pleasant way, with no sign at all of the Trojans feeling any
+discomfort; in fact, since the Merchant's Wife had been turned from the
+city, not a sound had been heard from within the walls.
+
+Now it happened one morning, about this time, that the gates, to every
+one's surprise, were thrown open, and a messenger, with a flag of truce,
+came forth. The poor fellow looked hungry enough, indeed, yet the
+Merchant's Wife roughly seized upon the famished creature, much to his
+annoyance, and brought him to the general. Bill, hoping that he had come
+with an offer from the King of Persia to surrender the city, joyfully
+handed the young man a chair and a biscuit, and, before allowing him to
+speak, insisted on his eating a bowl of hot porridge. When he had
+hungrily demolished the food, Bill kindly invited him to deliver his
+message, which, in a hesitating manner, he thus proceeded to do:--
+
+'The King of Persia sends greetings to his dear old friend, the King of
+Troy, and wishes to assure him that he bears no ill-will towards him. On
+the contrary, his happiest moments are spent in recalling those far-off
+times when, as young children, they played the livelong day together, in
+good-will and friendliness. He also begs him, for a few minutes, to
+allow his natural kindness to overcome his enmity, and send his old
+friend, now faint with hunger, enough suet to make just a little pudding
+for himself.'
+
+Bill, a trifle disappointed, took the message to the King of Troy, who
+seemed very much affected on hearing it.
+
+[Illustration: THESE PARCELS WERE NOW LABELLED]
+
+'Give the old fellow a cracknel,' roared he, 'and tell him that if he
+surrenders the city at once, he can have as nice a snack of dinner as he
+could wish.'
+
+The messenger returned to the city with the message and the cracknel,
+and Bill waited all through the day and night, but no word came from the
+city.
+
+After breakfast next morning, when, as Bill thought, the King of Persia
+would be feeling hungry, he called to him the nine stout sons of Crispin
+and Chloe and then summoned to him the Merchant's Wife and the Sicilian
+Char-woman, and between them they managed to wrap up each of the brave
+lads in brown paper, properly secured with strong string, making nine
+very neat parcels. The general had previously instructed the brave
+fellows how to act at the right moment, and in the meantime to remain
+perfectly still. These parcels were now labelled severally lemon cheese
+cake, fairy cakes, rock cakes, Jumbles, raspberry noyeau, mince pies,
+Pontefract cakes and peppermint cushions, and then all neatly piled upon
+the King's wheeling-chair, which Bill had borrowed for the purpose.
+
+Solemnly preceded by Bill, the Merchant's Wife and the Char-woman (being
+the two strongest people in the forces) now wheeled the chair up to the
+gates, in front of which they emptied its contents.
+
+The hungry Trojans had observed their approach, from the walls above
+which could now be seen innumerable heads popping up and down, and no
+sooner did they see what the chair was supposed to contain than they
+climbed down, and without any hesitation opened the gates. Bill then
+spoke to the Trojans in the following words:--
+
+'The King of Troy sends greetings to the King of Persia and hearing that
+his stores are exhausted, and, although at war with him, not wishing
+that he should suffer any serious discomfort, begs his acceptance of
+these provisions.' Bill and the two ladies now retired with the empty
+wheeling-chair and took up their position before the walls once more.
+
+In the meanwhile the parcels were taken into the city and presented to
+the King of Persia who was then sitting, with the whole of his court,
+hungrily wondering what was going to happen next. The parcels were
+heaped up before him, and he could hardly conceal his delight and
+eagerness to begin on the victuals at once. All his courtiers too seemed
+quite inclined to forget their manners and help themselves before they
+were asked. The King now took up the largest parcel, labelled Pontefract
+cakes, which happened to contain Hannibal, when at a given signal each
+one of the courageous young fellows broke from his confinement and at
+once set on those around him. Hannibal and Noah seized the Persian King
+and bound him securely with some of the string from the parcels; each of
+the other brave sons of Crispin bound some minister or courtier in the
+same way, and the rest of the court fled from the palace in abject
+terror.
+
+The nine lads now gave chase, and the panic which possessed the
+affrighted courtiers spread, in no time, through the city, and the whole
+of the inhabitants were soon fleeing before the infuriated fellows.
+
+Possessed with the idea that their pursuers were in much greater force
+than they really were, the scared wretches made for the gates of the
+city, out of which they ran as hard as they could. Bill, the General,
+wisely allowed them to pass through his lines, which they did in the
+maddest terror, and then fled far away over the plain, as the besieging
+forces once more closed in around the city.
+
+Seeing that the gates still remained open, Bill now marshalled his
+gallant army, and in one grand procession led them into the city.
+
+[Illustration: AND PACKED HIM OFF TO PERSIA]
+
+In front of all solemnly marched the General; then the Real Soldier;
+then the Merchant's Wife; then the Sicilian Char-woman, proudly waving
+her flag; then followed a number of Bill's charges, the Ancient
+Mariner, the Doctor, Camp-followers, the Musician playing triumphant
+music on his concertina, more Camp-followers, the Respectable Gentleman,
+the Scout, the Wild Man, yet more Camp-followers, the Merchant, and,
+last of all, preceded by the graceful Triplets, came the proud and glad
+old King himself, wheeled in great state by the faithful Boadicea, and
+guarded by the principal policeman of Troutpeg. The nine stout sons of
+Crispin, together with the remaining children, formed a guard of honour,
+extending from the city gates as far as the front door of the Palace,
+into which the excited and Royal old creature entered at last amid the
+cheers of his gallant followers.
+
+His first act was to release the King of Persia, and after accepting
+very graciously his humble and sincere apologies for his unkindness, the
+clement old fellow gave him a good breakfast and packed him off to
+Persia. In a like kindly manner he treated the courtiers, after they had
+all suitably begged his pardon; and the inhabitants, who came trooping
+back as soon as they heard how graciously the rightful King was
+behaving, one and all clamoured to shake the delighted old monarch by
+the hand and pay their homage to him.
+
+Thus, after all his trials and privations, this Royal and kindly
+creature was restored to his throne. The crown was done up and
+beautifully polished, and the old King once more crowned in great state.
+To show his gratitude to his brave and faithful followers he appointed
+them all (with the exception of the Triplets, who soon returned to
+Blowdripping) to places of honour in his court. Thus:--
+
+[Illustration: TROY BECAME THE HAPPIEST TOWN]
+
+  BILL,                  Commander-in-chief of the Army.
+  THE REAL SOLDIER,      General under Bill.
+  THE SCOUT,             Officer of the Army.
+  NINE SONS OF CRISPIN,  Bodyguard to the King.
+  THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS
+    AND OTHERS,          The Army.
+  BOADICEA,              Royal Housekeeper.
+  ANCIENT MARINER,       Admiral of the Fleet.
+  SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN,   Head Char-woman to Royal Household.
+  THE MERCHANT'S WIFE,   Superintendent of the Prison.
+  THE DOCTOR,            Court Physician.
+  PTOLEMY JENKINSON,     King's Valet.
+  RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN, Master of Good Behaviour to the
+                           Royal Household.
+  LONG MAN,              Hall Porter at Royal Palace.
+  MUSICIAN,              Court Musician.
+  WILD MAN,              Park Keeper.
+  POLICEMAN,             Preserver of the Peace.
+
+With such a gallant court and brave army around him the dear old man was
+saved from further troubles in his State during the remainder of his
+long and happy reign. In fact Troy became the very happiest town in the
+world, and the old King's noble followers were so contented with their
+lot that they never again left the city of Troy.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: THE END]
+
+[Illustration: vignette]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Transcriber's Notes
+
+Illustrations have been moved, when they interrupted paragraphs in the
+original. The list of illustrations has retained the page references in
+the original book.
+
+The only intentional changes to the text are the following corrections
+to typographical or printer's errors:
+
+Page 25 deleted hyphen in 'cocoa-nut' (the slabs of cocoanut ice)
+
+Page 149 added missing quotation mark at end of the paragraph (...my
+great courage and astute generalship.')
+
+Page 247: Missing closing single quote added (to make just a little
+pudding for himself.')
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Bill the Minder, by W. Heath Robinson
+
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