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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Her Royal Highness Woman, by Max O'Rell
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Her Royal Highness Woman
+
+Author: Max O'Rell
+
+Release Date: July 28, 2010 [EBook #33285]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HER ROYAL HIGHNESS WOMAN ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+ALSO BY MAX O'RELL
+
+Crown 8vo., cloth, 3s. 6d.
+
+BETWEEN OURSELVES
+
+
+'He deserves to be a favourite. His genial familiarity is its own
+passport; he entertains you to a peripatetic feast of humour and good
+advice.... In short, he is good company, meet him where you will....
+Open his new book, "Between Ourselves," at random, and you will find
+upon every page something shrewd, reflective, and good-natured. Half
+the petty problems that go to make up life are here discussed with ease
+and witty garrulity.... Beneath the mask of Max O'Rell's witticism
+there is an honest face of experience and common-sense. He even helps
+the thoughtless to think a little for himself!'--_Daily Chronicle._
+
+'Truly, Max is a pleasant companion.'--_Morning Leader._
+
+'Max O'Rell is always bright, and he is a pretty keen critic of life.
+His book is full of good things, and will be read with profit, even if
+in nothing but amusement.'--_Daily Telegraph._
+
+'Everybody must read Max O'Rell's latest, "Between Ourselves." He has
+so many wise things to say about many things, and such an irresistibly
+charming way of saying them all, that it is difficult to put down this
+latest offspring of his.'--_Black and White._
+
+'The keen observation, genial wit, and engaging frankness which combine
+to render Max O'Rell one of the most acceptable of social philosophers
+have been given an unusually wide field of exercise in the diverting
+pages of "Between Ourselves," wherein "some of the little problems of
+life"--in point of fact, a good many of them--are discussed with
+characteristic humour and point in the author's familiar and always
+entertaining style.... Invariably amusing.'--_World._
+
+'One of the most entertaining volumes one could wish to read.... The
+book is full of witty and brilliant sayings, so much so that many of
+his quaint and pleasant assertions are likely to pass into proverbs....
+Always interesting and amusing, sometimes satirical, and never dull,
+the author tells us much that the thoughtful may ponder with
+advantage.'--_Birmingham Post._
+
+'Extremely readable.... The little chapters are morsels of crisp
+common-sense, flavoured with light cynicism, and free from
+sermonizing.'--_Daily Mail._
+
+'"Some of the little problems of life" discussed with all the airy
+lightness to which we are accustomed from the author, and seasoned by
+his usual undeniable truth.'--_Chic._
+
+'Max O'Rell's philosophy has a gay winsomeness all its own. The joy of
+living, the beauty of the world, the delights of unselfishness, these
+are the themes upon which Max O'Rell, delicious satirist and 'cutest of
+observers, discourses. Penetrative sagacity and merry irresponsibility
+mingle in a frolicsome way.'--_Literary World._
+
+'It is perhaps not quite up to the high level of "Her Royal Highness
+Woman," but will please the large public which delights, with reason,
+in all that comes from the pen of Max O'Rell.... On his own ground, in
+chaffing the people of this country on their weak points, he is
+inimitable.'--_Athenaeum._
+
+'A worthy addition to an already long list.... Altogether, the reader
+will find in "Between Ourselves" abundant entertainment, together with
+not a little practical wisdom.'--_Daily News._
+
+'Expressed in Max O'Rell's witty and entertaining way. One great merit
+of the book is that you can open it at any chance page and make sure of
+getting amusement.... He is a close observer of human nature, and has a
+witty and trenchant way of expressing himself.'--_Queen._
+
+'There is cheery optimism in every line, and to tired, weary souls it
+comes as something of a tonic.'--_Military Mail._
+
+'Witty, amusing, and even instructive.... Few men observe with such
+keenness, describe with such fidelity, and write with such sustained
+good humour as Max O'Rell. He is a capital exponent of that light,
+epigrammatic, and witty style which is essentially Gallic. The book can
+be heartily recommended to those who enjoy that sort of literature, and
+they are legion.'--_Empire._
+
+'Bright, breezy, and entertaining, as usual.'--_To-day._
+
+'Open the book where you will, something pleasant and readable will be
+found.'--_Glasgow Herald._
+
+'Shrewd, humorous talk.... These entertaining pages.... Well, there is
+the book, with a red girl on its green cover, and a deal of pleasant
+beckoning in its many chapters and myriad paragraphs.'--_Academy._
+
+'This delightfully entertaining volume.... There are few types of men
+and women, few phases of life and character, which escape his shrewd
+perception, and of everyone he gossips in the airiest, wittiest
+fashion.... "Between Ourselves" is charming.'--_Lady's Pictorial._
+
+'Max O'Rell is a true humourist, a clever satirist, and an entirely
+human man.... This last work is certain to be as popular as "Her Royal
+Highness Woman."'--_Western Mail._
+
+'There is a large amount of wisdom in its pages and much
+amusement.'--_Week's Survey._
+
+
+LONDON: CHATTO & WINDUS, 111 ST. MARTIN'S LANE, W.C.
+
+
+
+
+ALSO BY MAX O'RELL
+
+Crown 8vo., cloth, 3s. 6d.
+
+RAMBLES IN WOMANLAND
+
+
+'Max O'Rell has in this volume given us another entertaining and
+delightful dissertation upon woman and her kind. What Max O'Rell does
+not know about the sex to which he has not the honour to belong is
+hardly worth knowing.'--_St. James's Gazette._
+
+'It is too late in the day to dwell upon the features of style which
+render the work of Max O'Rell such easy and agreeable reading, and it
+is unnecessary to illustrate his pretty gift of phrase-making. He has
+gained his own place among popular authors, and offers no sign of
+vacating it.'--_Pall Mall Gazette._
+
+'We hardly know whether to recommend the book to our readers or not.
+They will not put it down, once begun--that is certain.'--_Spectator._
+
+'Max O'Rell, in his new book, expresses in his own peculiar and
+entertaining way many witty, satirical, and humorous ideas on the
+subject of the "eternal woman."'--_Daily Express._
+
+'Max O'Rell is always entertaining, and provokes friendly discussion as
+readily as any writer I know. His new book contains many aphorisms, and
+some of them are very good.'--_British Weekly._
+
+'Max O'Rell supplies, not for the first time, a delightful mixture of
+commonplace and common-sense.'--_Daily Chronicle._
+
+'We have no doubt a great many people will enjoy the book, and the
+enjoyment will be innocent and wholesome.'--_Academy._
+
+'Max O'Rell's chaff is excellent, and all in perfect good
+taste.'--_Pelican._
+
+'The genial author takes up the cudgels on behalf of the better-looking
+sex in a way which should make his book tremendously popular with lady
+readers--especially the married ones.... A very entertaining
+book.'--_Golden Penny._
+
+'Contains some delightful reading.... It is a book happy in idea,
+felicitous in expression, cynically frank and refreshing in its
+candour.'--_Gossip._
+
+'Another collection of amusing and epigrammatic essays.... Max O'Rell,
+as everyone knows, has the gift of discoursing fluently and amusingly
+on any subject on which he touches, and to English and American people
+his good humoured criticisms are particularly valuable, as they are not
+only sound and sane in themselves, but they are written from an outside
+standpoint.'--_Morning Leader._
+
+'Women will not feel sorry that Max O'Rell's last work should be his
+new book on the fair sex. For many a year he has helped us with his
+gentle raillery, cheered us with his bright humour, and taught us much.
+"Rambles in Womanland" contains many little personal reminiscences and
+revelations, and its author's wit is undimmed. The book is full of
+epigrams, bons mots, and piquant criticisms.'--_Gentlewoman._
+
+'Max O'Rell's last book will add to the regret that his genial pen will
+write no more. Usually there is a tone of gaiety in what he says, but
+at all times he discusses important problems with all seriousness, and
+with not a little of the wisdom with which a wide knowledge of the
+world had endowed him. Max O'Rell's writings have always been notable
+for witty epigrammatic sentences.... His last work is a bright and
+engaging book.'--_Daily Telegraph._
+
+'With a pretty wit and a turn for epigram this writer can scarcely be
+dull, and no one will turn to one or other of these chatty chapters
+without being pleasantly entertained.'--_Scotsman._
+
+'Liveliness, amiability, charm, honourable sentiment, humour, every
+quality that the best kind of French culture produces, are open to
+anyone who can read English in the pages of Max O'Rell. Every page of
+these "Rambles" is sprinkled over with aphorisms.... This most
+entertaining book.'--_Vanity Fair._
+
+'There is much that is entertaining in these short pithy comments on
+women's characteristics, and occasionally criticism that penetrates
+deep beneath the surface, and reveals a vast amount of observation and
+knowledge of the world.... The book is full of smart sayings and clever
+aphorisms.'--_Publishers' Circular._
+
+'Whatever his theme, he is always bright, and the coruscations of his
+wit are exceedingly diverting.... This last contribution is full of
+good things, placed in an amusing setting.... These are but a few
+maxims culled from a crowded garden.... This wonderful little
+volume.'--_Echo._
+
+'"Rambles in Womanland" has between its covers much wisdom, served up
+with a pretty garnish of wit and that wholesome sauce--common-sense.
+Indeed, Max O'Rell has written nothing better than--in fact, nothing so
+good as--"Rambles in Womanland." Here we have his riper wisdom, his
+fuller experience; but while he has gained in wisdom or experience, he
+has not lost his spiciness or his power of brief, terse
+epigram.'--_Black and White._
+
+'Full of sparkling common-sense.'--_T. P.'s Weekly._
+
+'There is enough fresh material to commend these "Rambles in Womanland"
+to those who have enjoyed rambling through the author's entertaining
+writings.'--_Morning Post._
+
+
+LONDON: CHATTO & WINDUS, 111 ST. MARTIN'S LANE, W.C.
+
+
+
+
+HER ROYAL HIGHNESS WOMAN
+
+
+OPINIONS OF THE PRESS ON HER ROYAL HIGHNESS WOMAN
+
+
+'A delightfully amusing companion.... Max O'Rell is a keen observer,
+has genuine humour, and as a writer he is very amusing, because he
+refuses to take anything seriously.'--_Punch._
+
+'In "Her Royal Highness Woman" Max O'Rell is, as you might expect, at
+his best and brightest.'--_Truth._
+
+'It is, indeed, an amusing volume.... Most of what he says about woman
+is true enough, and wittily expressed.'--_Times._
+
+'The only Max has given us a treat in this book of selections from his
+best and most interesting sketches. His quaint, subtle humour seasons
+the light reading to a nicety, and we have not been provided with such
+neat comedy for some long time.'--_Northern Weekly._
+
+'Wise and witty.'--_To-day._
+
+'Max O'Rell has never written anything better.'--_Morning Post._
+
+'The book is so tactful that it ought to insure Max O'Rell a still
+greater popularity than he already enjoys.... It is a wholesome book
+for both husbands and wives to read.... It is as full as ever of the
+author's contagious good spirits and merry wit.... The whole 250 pages
+... reads like the best of after-dinner speeches.'--_Queen._
+
+'Max O'Rell is talking very pleasantly, scattering seeds of wisdom in
+the sun. It is well that the book should be as superficially wise and
+witty as we find it.'--_Academy._
+
+'Have you read "Her Royal Highness Woman"? If not, you have something
+still to live for.'--_Western Mercury._
+
+'This delightful volume, we have no hesitation in saying it, will teach
+each class "how to be happy though married."... A remarkably fresh and
+personal study of the "eternal feminine."'--_Birmingham Post._
+
+'Never has Max O'Rell been more delightful than in his new
+book--delightful in his sense and in his nonsense, though Max O'Rell's
+nonsense has so much of sound reason in it that it is often worth more
+than other folks' solemnity.... It is good from the first taste to the
+finish.'--_Weekly Dispatch._
+
+'A book which "Her Royal Highness" should by all means
+read.'--_Outlook._
+
+'What Max O'Rell knows not about women you may depend she does not know
+herself. It is a pleasure to find a book to which one can give such
+unstinted praise.'--_Books of To-day._
+
+'The book teems with brilliant passages and witty sayings, all of them
+full of good sense and wisdom.... Altogether, this is a delightful book
+to dip into.'--_Court Circular._
+
+'He is witty and humorous, with a genial wisdom which is not seldom
+epigrammatic. His playfulness is delightful.'--_Leeds Mercury._
+
+'Woman, the problem of the ages, is an open book to Max O'Rell....
+What Max O'Rell knows not, in his cheery French way, is not
+knowledge.'--_St. James's Gazette._
+
+'A witty and laughable collection of good things in favour of
+matrimony.... Full of matter for readers who can enjoy a good
+laugh.'--_Scotsman._
+
+'The fearlessness of the genial author of "John Bull and his Island" is
+as well known and liked as his wit; and both of them are pleasantly
+exemplified in his latest and most broadly universal book.'--_Pall
+Mall Gazette._
+
+'Always entertaining, often epigrammatic, not seldom instructive, Max
+O'Rell's studies form a volume destined, beyond a doubt, to figure
+largely as the topic of drawing-room conversation throughout the coming
+season.'--_Literary World._
+
+'Mr. Max O'Rell is always amusing, and sometimes almost instructive....
+He is nothing if not a diplomatist, but he is something more--he is the
+keenest of observers.'--_Lady's Pictorial._
+
+'A handbook to matrimony. In his witty and wise remarks Max O'Rell
+deserves a prominent place among his compatriots in the study of
+women.... A bright and amusing book, with a good deal of common-sense
+in it.'--_Daily Telegraph._
+
+'Max O'Rell has written many excellent books, but never a better than
+"Her Royal Highness Woman."'--_Athenaeum._
+
+'Delicious. I wish I had space to find out a few other plums from Max
+O'Rell's amusing study ... shrewd and true.'--_Free Lance._
+
+'Should be in the hands of every woman.'--_Le Temps._
+
+'Humorous and amusing--yes; but withal one of the most complete and
+profound studies ever published on woman and love.'--_La Republique._
+
+
+LONDON: CHATTO & WINDUS, 111, ST. MARTIN'S LANE, W.C.
+
+
+
+
+HER ROYAL HIGHNESS
+
+WOMAN
+
+
+
+By
+
+MAX O'RELL
+
+AUTHOR OF
+'JOHN BULL AND HIS ISLAND,' 'JONATHAN AND HIS CONTINENT,'
+'WOMAN AND ARTIST,' ETC.
+
+
+
+FIFTEENTH THOUSAND
+
+LONDON
+CHATTO & WINDUS
+1903
+
+
+
+
+I DEDICATE
+
+THIS VOLUME
+
+TO
+
+'THE NICEST LITTLE WOMAN IN THE WORLD'
+
+(CHAPTER XXXI.)
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE
+
+
+'MONSIEUR, MADAME, ET BEBE,' that most delightful, untranslatable book
+of the late Gustave Droz, by its genial and humorous philosophy and its
+pretty pictures of matrimonial life, by its healthy teachings and its
+piquant, poetic illustrations, has taught to thousands of French people
+how to make their married lives happier and more cheerful.
+
+This unpretentious little volume of mine, which appears simultaneously
+in Paris, London, and New York, will not have been written in vain if
+it causes one married couple in each of the three great countries where
+it is published to study and understand each other better.
+
+I dedicate it to married men and women, and to young men and women
+contemplating matrimony--a large public indeed.
+
+MAX O'RELL.
+
+P.S.--Did I hear you ask whether I have been married?
+
+Oh yes, that's all right.
+
+M. O'R
+
+_April, 1901._
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+
+                                                                 PAGE
+
+CHAPTER I
+
+THE ETERNAL FEMININE
+
+What do we know about women?--Generalities on the subject--I am
+requested to speak on some subject I know something about           1
+
+CHAPTER II
+
+WOMAN'S INFLUENCE FOR GOOD AND EVIL
+
+A woman at the beginning--The first love-story--Different
+versions--'Cherchez la femme'--The influence of woman on national
+characteristics                                                     6
+
+CHAPTER III
+
+MAXIMS FOR THE MAN IN LOVE
+
+How to deal with your girl--Avoid catching colds in your head--
+How women with humour can be saved                                 10
+
+CHAPTER IV
+
+ADVICE TO THE MAN WHO WANTS TO MARRY
+
+What should attract him in matrimony--At what age should people
+get married?--Be superior to your wife in everything               14
+
+CHAPTER V
+
+ON THE SELECTION OF LIFE PARTNERS
+
+Be as careful in choosing your partners as you would in choosing
+your ancestors--Count your change before entering, as mistakes
+cannot be recognised afterwards                                    18
+
+CHAPTER VI
+
+MAXIMS FOR THE MARRIED MAN
+
+Keep your wife in order--How to deal with her (confidential)       22
+
+CHAPTER VII
+
+MAXIMS FOR THE MARRIED WOMAN
+
+A wife should follow and obey her husband, especially follow him
+--Feed the brute                                                   29
+
+CHAPTER VIII
+
+THE GENTLE ART OF RULING A HUSBAND
+
+The rule of women over men is the survival of the fittest          33
+
+CHAPTER IX
+
+ART IN LOVE
+
+Pleasure and happiness--_Love_ is the poetry of the senses--The
+artistic temperament--The instrument and the instrumentalist--The
+defence of monogamy on artistic principles--Polygamy _versus_
+monotony                                                           38
+
+CHAPTER X
+
+SORE TRIALS FOR PEOPLE IN LOVE--WILL LOVE TRIUMPH OVER THE AFFLICTIONS
+OF THE BODY?
+
+A pathetic story--Could you whisper words of love through an
+ear-trumpet?--The case presented on the stage--Take care of the
+woman you love                                                     43
+
+CHAPTER XI
+
+MAN VERSUS WOMAN IN LOVE
+
+How many times can a man and a woman love?--They love differently
+--A delicate question--'Lucky dog!'--The inexorability of the
+virtuous woman                                                    47
+
+CHAPTER XII
+
+COURTING IN FRANCE AND ENGLAND
+
+Kneeling and sitting--The piquancy of French courting--The use of
+the second person singular--The sealing kiss                       51
+
+CHAPTER XIII
+
+THE WOMAN-HATER
+
+Should a woman marry a woman-hater?--The portrait of a woman-hater
+--The risk a woman runs in marrying a woman-lover--Take your chance,
+don't cast your pearls before swine                                55
+
+CHAPTER XIV
+
+WHAT DO WOMEN ADMIRE MOST IN MEN?
+
+People generally admire in others the qualities they do not themselves
+possess--The sexes differ in their opinions of infidelity and its
+causes--The eleventh commandment: Never confess                    59
+
+CHAPTER XV
+
+CAN GRATITUDE ENGENDER LOVE?
+
+Expecting gratitude is asking for the price of a service--Love keeps
+out of it                                                          64
+
+CHAPTER XVI
+
+DOES MARRIAGE HELP A MAN?
+
+In social life--In commercial life--In literary and artistic life--
+Matrimony is a highly respectable institution                      68
+
+CHAPTER XVII
+
+THE GOOSE AND THE GANDER
+
+The case for man, the defendant--Freemasonry between women--Which
+is right?--Influence of plumage--The female bird--Man is not
+invariably wrong--'What is good for the goose is good for the
+gander'--But there is a difference between the goose and the
+gander                                                             74
+
+CHAPTER XVIII
+
+DOES JEALOUSY COME FROM TRUE LOVE?
+
+The different kinds of girls that men seek in matrimony--Jealousy
+is intensified, not created, by love--Why should not a married man
+continue to admire women?--I want to knock down a newly-married
+woman's husband--'Who would "polyg" with him?'                     80
+
+CHAPTER XIX
+
+DO WOMEN DRESS TO PLEASE MEN?
+
+The female attire--Women dress for breakfast and undress for
+dinner--You don't know them from Eve--Society likes to be exposed
+--How French, English, German and American women dress--Simplicity
+in dress the coquetry of some women--What would happen if two
+women remained alone on the face of the earth                      85
+
+CHAPTER XX
+
+THE FRENCH WIFE
+
+Her keenness and common-sense--Her power of observation and her
+native adaptability--Her graceful ways--Her tact--Her artistic
+refinement--Monsieur et Madame-'Did I hear you knock at my door,
+dear?'                                                             90
+
+CHAPTER XXI
+
+THE ENGLISH WIFE
+
+Her position--Family life less attractive and piquant in England
+than in France, but more solid--The English wife is the goddess of
+a beautiful home                                                   94
+
+CHAPTER XXII
+
+THE BRITISH MATRON
+
+The English woman the most charming of women--The British the
+most ridiculous one--English and British--The British matron is
+the produce of British soil--Her ways--Her fads and inconsistency
+--Her knowledge of French literature and her judgment thereof      98
+
+CHAPTER XXIII
+
+THE AMERICAN WOMAN--I
+
+A new coat-of-arms for America--The American woman--Her ways--
+The liberty she enjoys--'Oh, please make me an American woman!'   103
+
+CHAPTER XXIV
+
+THE AMERICAN WOMAN-II
+
+She walks first, Jonathan behind her--The educational system of
+America explains the idiosyncrasies of the American woman         108
+
+CHAPTER XXV
+
+THE AMERICAN WOMAN--III
+
+Opinions and impressions--An answer to criticism.                 113
+
+CHAPTER XXVI
+
+THE HUSBAND OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN
+
+The telephone and the ticker--The most useful of domestic animals
+--Money-making--Loneliness of the women--A reminiscence of
+Chicago                                                           117
+
+CHAPTER XXVII
+
+PETTICOAT GOVERNMENT
+
+Description of all the Anglo-Saxon fads                           122
+
+CHAPTER XXVIII
+
+THE LIBERTY OF ANGLO-SAXON WOMEN
+
+The mistakes made by foreigners--Misconstructions--Educational
+systems--Girls do not lose their charm by independence            135
+
+CHAPTER XXIX
+
+ENGLISH AND AMERICAN WOMEN HAVE NO LOVE TO SPARE FOR ONE ANOTHER
+
+England and America are two branches of a family who once quarrelled
+--For their common interests they may make it up, but there will
+never be any love lost--There are no such quarrels to patch up as
+family ones                                                       139
+
+CHAPTER XXX
+
+THE WOMAN I HATE
+
+Women's-righters--Electric fluids--The bearded lady--The first-fiddle
+--Lady doctors--Lady lawyers--Lady speech-makers--Prominent women--
+A pretty picture                                                  144
+
+CHAPTER XXXI
+
+THE KIND OF WOMAN I LOVE
+
+Another answer to critics--Distorted minds--The portrait of a
+womanly woman                                                     149
+
+CHAPTER XXXII
+
+THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THE WORLD
+
+The Irish, Hungarian and Spanish women--The beauty of the English
+and French women--The redeeming feature of every American woman   153
+
+CHAPTER XXXIII
+
+BLONDES AND BRUNETTES
+
+Characteristics of blondes and brunettes--The _ingenue_ and the
+villainess--Which of the two do men like better?--Sauterne and
+Burgundy--I like both--All women cannot afford to be blondes--
+Blondes with dark eyes--Brunettes with blue eyes                  158
+
+CHAPTER XXXIV
+
+FLIRTS AND COQUETTES
+
+The difference between the two--Points of resemblance             162
+
+CHAPTER XXXV
+
+WHAT IS A PERFECT LADY?
+
+'Am I the man as wants a gentleman to drive him?'--How can you
+tell a lady?--A lady is a woman who adds to the virtues of a woman
+the qualities of a gentleman                                      167
+
+CHAPTER XXXVI
+
+MAMMIES AND GRANNIES
+
+Cupboard love--Every kind of love is more or less selfish except
+maternal love--Maternal love over-rated--If you never had a grannie,
+do get one--Reminiscences of grannies--A sacrifice--Grannies are
+not at all prejudiced in favour of their grandchildren            171
+
+CHAPTER XXXVII
+
+ON MOTHERS-IN-LAW
+
+How to deal with them--Difference between a misfortune and an
+accident--'That will spoil the whole thing'--Shoot her!           176
+
+CHAPTER XXXVIII
+
+ON WIDOWS
+
+Women do have grievances--Various specimens of widows--The jolly
+widow--The inconsolate widow--The plump widow--Marriageable
+widows--Mourning and black--Last wills and testaments--How long
+should a widow mourn her husband?--'You should have seen me
+yesterday!'                                                       180
+
+CHAPTER XXXIX
+
+ON OLD MAIDS
+
+Different types of old maids--Many of them are undisguised blessings--
+Few men are good enough for women--Old bachelors and old maids    185
+
+CHAPTER XL
+
+SHOULD PEOPLE REMARRY?
+
+The excuse most people give for remarrying--St. Peter's opinion
+of men who have been married more than once--Stepmothers          189
+
+CHAPTER XLI
+
+THE LAWS AND CEREMONY OF MARRIAGE
+
+Laws that will be altered during the twentieth century--People
+will have to pass examinations before they are allowed to marry--
+The Church should give young couples a happy start, and change the
+ceremony of marriage                                              194
+
+CHAPTER XLII
+
+ON NURSES
+
+Nurses look the happiest women in the world--Their lives and their
+privileges--True story of a nurse                                 198
+
+CHAPTER XLIII
+
+PORTRAIT OF A FRENCH MOTHER                                       214
+
+CHAPTER XLIV
+
+FAILINGS AND FOIBLES OF GOOD WOMEN
+
+Women of strong character--Obstinacy and prejudice--Tastes and
+temperaments--The diplomatic woman--The strong-minded woman--The
+superiority of woman--Monopolizers--Little women--The woman who
+is wrong--'I told you so'--Why women were not given beards--Women
+who marry for money and for titles--The only chance of success in
+matrimony                                                         228
+
+CHAPTER XLV
+
+CUPIDIANA
+
+Stray thoughts on women--Love and matrimony                       237
+
+
+
+
+HER ROYAL HIGHNESS WOMAN
+
+
+CHAPTER I
+
+THE ETERNAL FEMININE
+
+    What do we know about women?--Generalities on the subject--I am
+    requested to speak on some subject I know something about.
+
+
+'I am a man, and everything that concerns woman interests me,' might
+have said Terence. This is also what every Frenchman says, and why of
+all men on earth he is the one who knows women best. He is keenly
+alive to woman's influence, and woman is an ever-present, almost a
+fixed, idea with him. Whether he study her from the artistic, the
+psychological, even the physiological, point of view, his interest in
+her is never exhausted. And this explains why, since Aspasia inspired
+Socrates and advised Pericles, in no other country (not even in
+America) has woman's sovereignty been so supreme as it has always been,
+and still is, in France.
+
+It is true that the leaders of thought in France, as in any other
+country, have long ago proclaimed that woman was the only problem it
+would never be given to man to solve. It is true that they have all
+tried and all failed, and that they acknowledge it, but they are trying
+still.
+
+This characteristic of woman is probably, after all, what makes her
+ever so interesting to us. Nothing is more different from a woman than
+another woman. Nothing is more different from a woman than that very
+woman herself. The very moment we think we know her, she slips through
+our fingers and stands in front of us an absolute stranger. And so it
+should be. A man was one day complaining to a friend that he had been
+married twenty years without being able to understand his wife. 'You
+should not complain of that,' remarked the friend. 'I have been married
+to my wife three months only, and I understand her perfectly.'
+
+When I come to think of it, I must confess that we men are sometimes
+perfectly lovely in our estimation of women. For example, you know, my
+dear fellow-men, that when we have a little cold in our heads--nothing
+more--the whole household is in a perfect state of commotion, and we
+wonder how it is that the earth still dares continue her course round
+the sun. Yet, when we see a woman patient, as she very generally is, of
+the most poignant physical and moral suffering, we exclaim, in
+admiration of her: 'She bears it like a man!' And what we seem to be
+unable to understand is, why women should smile when they hear us make
+that exclamation. Myself, I could roar, while holding my sides.
+
+No man can say that he knows what a woman is unless he has met her in
+adversity. It is then that she can attain prodigious heights. Indeed, I
+believe that the head of a woman is much stronger in adversity than in
+prosperity. She can always surpass herself in misfortune, and often
+fails to stand success--I mean personal success, for she can associate
+herself to the success of a husband with all her heart and soul, but
+personal success is very often too much for her. How many women have I
+met during my twenty years of contact with the literary, artistic,
+dramatic, and social circles of life who completely lost their heads
+over a sudden personal success! I have seen women immediately lose all
+interest in home and family life; I have seen some abandon husband, and
+even children, on suddenly becoming a celebrity, a famous writer,
+actress, or singer, or a 'professional' beauty. A successful man will
+not alter in his feelings toward his family because he has become
+celebrated, unless he has a wife who should keep amusing herself with
+reminding him that, however the great 'John' of Oliver Wendell Holmes
+he may be to the public, he is only plain 'Jack' at home. On the
+contrary, the successful man will often most willingly give all the
+applause of the public for a few encouraging words of praise from a
+devoted wife, for a few expressions of admiration from a loving
+daughter. The easily unstrung, almost hysterical, temperament of a
+woman will sometimes make her give up all the quiet enjoyment of family
+happiness and love for the noisy applause of the crowd. It acts on her
+like an intoxicating beverage; and if men sometimes get cured of the
+craving for drink, women, it is well known, never do. The celebrated
+woman is seldom fit to be, or, if she is, to remain, a wife and a
+mother. She becomes an anomaly, a freak. It is in woman's nature. She
+cannot look down to drop her love on a man; to love she must admire and
+look up. I would rather be the husband of a simple little dairymaid
+than that of a George Sand or a Madame de Stael.
+
+All these are stray thoughts on the great eternal feminine. Like my
+fellow-men, I know nothing about women.
+
+I quite appreciated a little scene only a few weeks old. I was
+announced to give a lecture on 'Women' to the students of a large
+ladies' college in North Carolina. A couple of hours before the
+lecture, three young ladies from the college called on me at the hotel
+where I was staying. I met them in the parlour. Three charming, bright,
+most intelligent-looking girls they were. After looking at each other
+for some time, so as to suggest that the other should speak, one at
+last made up her mind to be the spokeswoman of the little deputation.
+'We have called on you,' she said, 'to ask if you would be kind enough
+to change the subject of your lecture to-night. Our lecture course is
+instituted for the instruction and the general improvement of the
+students, and we thought we should like to hear you talk to us on a
+subject which you know something about.' I must say that I felt
+fearfully small; but I was delighted at the frankness of those young
+American girls, and at once acceded to their request.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II
+
+WOMAN'S INFLUENCE FOR GOOD AND EVIL
+
+    A woman at the beginning--The first love-story--Different
+    versions--'Cherchez la femme'--The influence of woman on national
+    characteristics.
+
+
+If we look back into the dawn of the world, we see that, from her first
+appearance, woman has always been a great power. Indeed, she had the
+leading part in the first great drama of which the literature of the
+world gives any account. A snake and a poor weak man had the minor
+parts, the snake playing the villain and the poor man the fool. I
+have never read that story without feeling ashamed of the first
+representative of my sex. If I had been Adam, I would have stuck to
+Eve through thick and thin. To save, even only to shield, a woman
+(especially one I loved, or one who would have been as kind to me as
+Eve had been to Adam), I would tell lies by the yard and by the hour,
+and I admire that English judge who, being told so by a male
+co-respondent in a divorce case, replied, 'And so would I.'
+
+How I prefer that story of our first parents as related in the sacred
+books of the Buddhists! There, as in the version that we know, man is
+tempted by woman, and, as in our version, and as he has done ever
+since, and will do for ever and ever, he succumbs. But when he is found
+out and sentence is to be passed on him, what a difference! He does not
+turn around and say, 'Please, it was not I who tempted her; it was she
+who tempted me.' No, he acknowledges his guilt, affirms that he alone
+disobeyed, and that he alone should be punished. Then Eve intervenes,
+and she, too, confesses her guilt. There is a regular attempt each at
+shielding the other. Then both fall on their knees and beg to be
+punished together, and their request is granted, and they go forth hand
+in hand into exile. This is the first record of love and devotion, not,
+as in our version, a first record of man's cowardice and selfishness.
+
+From that memorable day to this, Her Royal Highness Woman has been the
+greatest power for good and evil that the world has known, for ever
+since Adam and Eve there have been men and women--especially women.
+
+A beautiful woman was the cause of the Trojan War; the cause of David's
+single sin, a woman; the cause of Solomon's decadence, a woman, or
+rather, many women. A woman was the instigator of the greatest crime
+ever recorded in history, the terrible massacre of St. Bartholomew. A
+woman, who has dearly paid for it since, was the cause of the
+Franco-German war. On the other hand, France was saved in the fifteenth
+century by a sweet peasant girl at a time when King and people had
+given up all hope of ever again seeing France a free and independent
+nation--but that was a long time ago.
+
+There is no country where the influence of women over men is so great
+as France, and the famous phrase 'Cherchez la femme'--'Seek the
+woman'--emanated from the lips of the greatest jurisconsult France ever
+produced, President Dupin, in the reign of King Louis Philippe. And it
+is a fact that among French prisoners who belong to the better classes,
+there are ninety-nine out of every hundred who have committed murder,
+forgery, embezzlement, theft, for the sake of a woman. The English
+people (and the Americans, too, I believe) say that drunkenness is
+responsible for the great majority of crimes committed in Great Britain
+and America. The expensive ways of French women are responsible for the
+majority of crimes and offences committed by men in modern France, as
+these expensive ways of women are responsible for their own downfall
+nine times out of ten.
+
+On the other hand, a man owes all his best qualities to the influence
+of the first woman he has known, his mother. A man will be what his
+mother has made him. A man does not learn how to be a gentleman at
+school, at college, or at the university. There he may improve his
+manner, but his mind is formed at home much earlier than that.
+
+It is woman, and woman alone, that makes society polite. Men together
+can talk or chat, but it is only when women join them that they can
+_causer_, an equivalent for which the English language does not
+possess. And why? Simply because Englishmen do not as a rule care for
+the restraint that results from the presence of women.
+
+Thanks to the tact, the brilliancy, and the high intellectual
+attainments of American women, one can _causer_ in America, and the
+vocabulary of the language used in the United States ought to be richer
+by one word, a good equivalent for this French verb which both 'to
+talk' and 'to chat' most imperfectly translate; for _causer_ means 'to
+chat with wit, humour, brilliancy, and great refinement.'
+
+
+
+
+Chapter III
+
+MAXIMS FOR THE MAN IN LOVE
+
+    How to deal with your girl--Avoid catching colds in your head--How
+    women with humour can be saved.
+
+
+Never go down on your knees to declare your love; you will spoil
+your trousers and feel very uncomfortable. Rather give the lady an
+opportunity of denying that you were on your knees before her, for the
+simple reason that she was sitting on them.
+
+Never put your hand near your lady's waistband or round her neck. Place
+it about the middle of her back; there are no pins there.
+
+If she asks you to fasten her bracelet, never forget to apply a kiss on
+her arm. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, that is what she wants and
+why she does not secure her bracelet with a little chain.
+
+Never call on your lady-love while you have a cold in your head. If you
+begin your declaration, you will never be able to resume it after a fit
+of sneezing. A cold in the head inspires pity neither in the heart of
+man nor in that of woman, and sneezing is fatal if the lady possesses
+the slightest particle of humour. Remember that, with a cold in your
+head, you will have to say to her: 'I lob you, be darling. Oh! I hab
+such a cold id be dose.' No romantic love, my dear fellow, could
+survive that.
+
+I knew a man who once eloped with a married woman. They were deeply in
+love with each other. When they arrived at their destination, they went
+to the hotel where they had engaged rooms. It was a bitterly cold day,
+and they had forgotten to give orders for fires. The rooms were dull
+and chilly. They fell in each other's arms. 'At last, my darling!' he
+exclaimed. 'At last, my own beloved one!' He could say no more. He was
+seized with a violent fit of sneezing. The misled lady came at once to
+her senses. In no time the trunks were sent back to the station, and
+that same evening she had returned safe and sound to the conjugal roof.
+The 'saving grace' of humour has done still more for women than for men
+who owe so much to it.
+
+The woman who has a keen sense of humour is a terrible one to make love
+to. The romantic one will find charms in all your shortcomings, but the
+other is inexorable. She is constantly on the look-out for something to
+laugh at; nothing will escape her. And you know that, if you laugh,
+love-making is out of the question.
+
+I know a woman who was radically cured of her ardent love for a man
+because he had, near the tip of his nose, a tiny little wart which
+turned alternately white and red while he got passionately engaged
+telling her the sincerity and intensity of his love.
+
+If you are bald, never make love to a woman taller than you. Looked at
+from below, you are all right.
+
+Never let your lady-love see you without a collar, no, not even the
+very wife of your bosom. A man's head without a collar is like a
+bouquet without a holder.
+
+Never let her see you asleep. Maybe you sleep with your mouth open. If
+you are married, let your wife sleep first. When you are quite sure she
+is off, let yourself go--and be careful to wake up first in the
+morning.
+
+Never tell your lady-love that you are very steady in your affections,
+and that every time that you love a woman it is for ever. If you think
+she will enjoy the joke, you overrate her sense of humour.
+
+If your wife or sweetheart be in love with you to such a degree that
+she tells you she could never survive you if you happened to die,
+reassure her and tell her that there is a way out of the
+difficulty--her setting out first.
+
+Don't let your wife see you shave. Your idiotic, cowed look, your
+gaping mouth and grimaces are as many infallible remedies for love.
+
+Never indulge in any little objectionable trick before the woman you
+love. Great affections should never be trifled with. Madame Bovary, in
+Gustave Flaubert's famous novel, took a dislike to her husband and went
+helplessly wrong, because the latter, after eating, used to clean his
+teeth by promenading his tongue inside his mouth. I sympathize with the
+poor woman and feel rather inclined to forgive her.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV
+
+ADVICE TO THE MAN WHO WANTS TO MARRY
+
+    What should attract him in matrimony--At what age should people get
+    married?--Be superior to your wife in everything.
+
+
+When you are dead, once said a cynic, it's for a long time; but when
+you are married, it's for ever.
+
+Therefore, before entering into the holy estate of matrimony, a man
+could not be too careful in the choice of his partner.
+
+Now, what should influence him most in that choice? Money? Never--oh,
+never, unless it be out of philanthropy and on reflecting that, after
+all, it would be very hard on rich girls to feel that they cannot marry
+because they have money, and I do think that they want to marry as well
+as others. Beauty, then? No; beauty passes away. Ugliness? Certainly
+not; ugliness remains. What, then? An altogether of physical, moral,
+and intellectual charms which fit in exactly with all the ideals of
+that man, and, above all, a similarity of tastes.
+
+After all, what is beauty, considered as an incentive to love? A man
+has in himself a hundred beings to every one of which a different kind
+of beauty can appeal. If he be an artist, the women of Raphael will
+inspire him with the purest sensations of love, those of Titian with
+the loftiest sentiments of admiration and respect. Those of Watteau
+will make him believe that he could live on candies and _choux a la
+creme_. Those of Teniers would reconcile him to the idea of a quiet
+life over a pipe and a tankard of beer. Some heroic beauty will inspire
+him with the most chivalrous sentiments; some melancholy one with
+dreams of a refined poetic life. Some sedate beauty, with her hair
+dressed _a la vierge_, will suggest to him a regular humdrum life,
+mid-day dinners, retiring and rising early, and will inculcate in him
+an immoderate desire to be the father of a large family. That same man,
+however, might become a criminal under the influence of some poisonous
+beauty. Some Bostonian girl educated beyond her intellect might induce
+that very man to spend the rest of his life studying Browning.
+
+Now, my dear man, if beauty should influence you in the choice of a
+wife, never decide on a woman before you are absolutely sure that,
+whatever happens, you will be happy with her as your wife knitting by
+your side, while, under a veranda covered with jasmine and honeysuckle,
+you play with the babe on your knees. If a woman does not possess
+_that_ kind of beauty, she is not fit for matrimony, and don't marry
+her.
+
+Now, a woman should marry young, very young even, so that her husband
+should enjoy all the different phases of her beauty, from the beauty of
+girlhood to that second youth, or matronly beauty, which to my mind is
+perhaps the best of all. The Watteau of eighteen will become a Rubens
+at forty. It is, perhaps, at forty that a woman is most strikingly
+beautiful, and she is almost invariably so when she has taken care of
+herself, and has been loved and petted by husband and children alike.
+It is then that she knows how to make the best of herself, that she
+best understands how to exercise her gifts and charms in the most
+effective manner.
+
+It is at forty that she enjoys the grace of perfect self-possession.
+She has tact, and dresses faultlessly. Her knowledge of the world, her
+experience of life, all help to make her a more delightful companion
+than ever. The love she has inspired is written on every one of her
+features. Her eyes sparkle with joy, her mouth expresses the ecstasy of
+past and present bliss, and also gratitude for the kisses that have
+been impressed upon it. Yes, the woman of forty is a joy, an
+intoxicating and an incomparable joy, to a husband. That woman is even
+more beautiful physically than she ever was, and her beauty is of such
+a different type from what it was at twenty that I can very well
+understand how a husband can seriously fall in love with his wife a
+second time. All this is truth, my dear fellow. And don't even be
+afraid of white hair. With a good complexion, a cheerful expression,
+and two big black eyes, nothing goes better than white hair, and the
+whiter it is the better.
+
+And, you will say, at what age should a man marry? Well, at all events,
+never before he is quite prepared to provide for a wife, whatever her
+position may be. When this indispensable condition is satisfied, I
+shall say never, or seldom, before thirty. Never try matrimony as an
+experiment--that is to say, never before you are absolutely certain you
+will prefer it to all the rest. I heard the other day a very good piece
+of advice, which I should like to repeat here, as I endorse it
+thoroughly: A man should marry a woman half his age, _plus_ seven.
+Try it at whatever age you like, and you will find it works very well,
+taking for granted all the while that, after all, a man as well as a
+woman is the age that he looks and feels.
+
+Never marry a woman richer than you, or one taller than you, or one
+older than you. Be always gently superior to your wife in fortune, in
+size, and in age, so that in every possible way she may appeal to you
+for help or protection, either through your purse, your strength, or
+your experience of life. Marry her at an age that will always enable
+you to play with her all the different characteristic parts of a
+husband, a chum, a lover, an adviser, a protector, and just a tiny
+suspicion of a father.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V
+
+ON THE SELECTION OF LIFE PARTNERS
+
+    Be as careful in choosing your partners as you would in choosing
+    your ancestors--Count your change before entering, as mistakes
+    cannot be recognised afterwards.
+
+
+In choosing their partners for life, people should be as careful as in
+choosing their ancestors. To give advice in the matter, however, is a
+very delicate task to undertake.
+
+You see, there is no probation allowed by the laws and customs of
+civilized nations, and we have to put aside at once the best piece of
+advice that could be given on the subject, which is: 'Go and have a
+try, and if you don't like it, why, give it up and try something else.'
+What a progress it will be, what a guarantee for the improved happiness
+of the human race, when couples will be allowed to associate on trial,
+say, for a few months! Yes, but how many will remain married? And then,
+what will become of the human race?
+
+This not being legal now, or, if you prefer, not accepted by the rules
+of proper society, let us examine the case a bit.
+
+Should couples study each other's characters during a long period of
+engagement? Alas! how could they be hopeful of success when, after ten
+years of married life, they often discover they were not made for each
+other? I have known English couples who had been engaged ten years
+trying to find out if they were fit for each other. Poor couples! they
+might have been engaged fifty years without any more chance of success.
+Life during an engagement means the daily repetition of an old story:
+sentimental walks. The sky is serene, the sea is smooth. As I say
+elsewhere, they will never know they are good sailors until they have
+been together on board the same boat in a good big storm--no, not until
+misfortunes have come to try them, not until they have been confronted
+with bills for meat and coal and the price of butter. Besides, long
+engagements should be avoided, because if they do not end in matrimony
+the prospects of a woman may be ruined.
+
+Make your inquiries about your possible future partners, about their
+antecedents, their family, their social and financial position. If your
+partner is healthy (make sure of that), make up your mind quickly.
+Marriage is a lottery; go in for it at once and take your chance.
+
+A woman should avoid accepting a man who has been particularly
+successful with women. At the same time, she should look for one to
+whom woman is not an enigma, and who is a man of the world and of
+strong character, so that she may feel sure that when he chose her, he
+said to himself: 'I know my mind; happiness for me lies there.' On that
+man she will be able to depend and lean safely.
+
+As peace and security are the guarantees of happiness in matrimony, a
+man should not choose a lovely rose who will attract the attention of
+all the men, but look for a modest violet in some retired, shady spot.
+The violet is the emblem of peaceful and lasting love.
+
+A woman should avoid marrying a man who at home is the favourite of
+many sisters who constantly dance attendance on him. That man is
+spoiled for matrimony. He will require his wife to bestow on him all
+the attentions he received from his sisters, besides those which he has
+a right to expect from a wife.
+
+I should advise woman to shun a dragon of virtue like fire: she should
+prefer a dragoon rather. A man may be good, but he must not overdo it.
+He that has no wickedness is too good for this world; not even a nun
+could endure him. Fancy, my dear lady, a man being shocked by you! The
+male prig is the abomination of the earth, and should be the pet
+aversion of women.
+
+Let a man avoid marrying a woman who has won the applause of the
+public. The life of a successful woman unfits her for matrimony and its
+peaceful joys. Of course there are, and I have known, many exceptions.
+If you marry a well-known singer, you will soon discover yourself in
+the act of carrying her roll of music. Ah, if you are a great singer
+yourself, well and good! But then, take care that if you both appear at
+the same concert, one does not get more encores than the other, or
+peace will be destroyed.
+
+Don't marry women who have big bouquets of roses and orchids sent to
+them, or your daily little bunch of violets or lilies-of-the-valley
+will soon run the risk of being despised.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI
+
+MAXIMS FOR THE MARRIED MAN
+
+    Keep your wife in order--How to deal with her (confidential).
+
+
+If at the beginning of his married life a man cannot have enough
+control over himself to see that his wife does not get her own way in
+everything, and that he does not make himself her abject slave, he will
+never be able to recover his liberty, and he is done for, condemned to
+subjection for the rest of his natural life. The beginning of wisdom is
+to keep your wife in order.
+
+No Government has ever been known to successfully suppress, or even
+reduce, any liberty or privilege previously granted to the people. If a
+man capitulates on the threshold of matrimony, he will never be able to
+recover one inch of the ground he has surrendered. In fact, a man has
+to be as careful to avoid spoiling a wife as he would a child, and that
+for her sake as well as for his own.
+
+To be happy, for instance, a woman does not require the constant
+presence of her husband. On the contrary, she will enjoy his company
+very much more if he and she are not always thrown together.
+
+I know men who, from the beginning of their married lives, visited
+their clubs, enjoyed men's company, while remaining very devoted to
+their wives and making them very happy.
+
+But if a man waits ten years to decide on belonging to a club, he will
+soon discover the terrible mistake he has made. His visits to that club
+will be treated like perfect acts of unfaithfulness, reproaches will
+begin, followed by sulking, and the famous sentence will be uttered,
+'You love me no more.'
+
+To be happy, matrimonial life must be uniform. Every change must be
+discreet, gradual, and for the better. You have to keep a fire alive
+for the length of your natural life; see that your cellar is well
+stocked and the fuel used discriminately and economically.
+
+Control your love and your ardour. If at the beginning you are too
+attentive, and do such things as you know you cannot do for ever, look
+out! The slightest inattention will take the most gigantic proportions.
+
+Some men, good diplomatists, carry this principle the length of
+objecting to being their wives' lovers, simply because they know they
+cannot always be lovers, and that the day they cease to be lovers they
+will be considered perfect criminals.
+
+Therefore, my friend, control yourself sufficiently to restrain your
+_epanchements_ so cleverly that your wife may be led to believe
+that you love her more and more every day. Remember that you enter the
+holy estate of matrimony with a certain capital of love. The whole
+happiness of your married life will depend on the way you use that
+capital.
+
+Live on the interest.
+
+If you touch the capital, you are bound to become bankrupt sooner or
+later.
+
+Married life is a comedy (sometimes, alas! a tragedy) in several acts.
+Like in a play, avoid putting into the first act of your married life
+all your strongest situations and all your smartest dialogue, for fear
+lest the interest should go on flagging steadily to the end.
+
+The clever dramatist is invariably satisfied with writing a quiet and
+sober first act. No situations of any strength are required. He makes
+his audience thoroughly acquainted with his characters.
+
+Then the action begins, and the climax is never reached before the end
+of the last act but one. A genius sometimes gives it in the last act.
+
+The intelligent husband should bear this in mind and do the same.
+
+The first act of matrimony should be a careful and sympathetic study of
+character, the laying down of a little plan of campaign full of
+considerate concessions and well-conceived resolutions.
+
+It is only after at least ten years of matrimony that a climax should
+be reached, when the man is above forty, in the full possession of his
+manly powers, when the woman is above thirty, in the full possession of
+her glorious womanly charms, when both are sure of each other and tried
+friends.
+
+Then, and then only, they can allow themselves to be lovers in the full
+meaning of the word. They will be able to enjoy that great bliss if
+they have not made the mistake of trying too soon.
+
+The epicure, like the diplomatist, is the one who knows how to wait.
+
+In matrimony it is not 'All is well that ends well': it is All is well
+that begins well, and not too well.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Don't read at mealtime in the presence of your wife, not even the
+newspaper at breakfast. Converse with her pleasantly; it will help to
+make her cheerful for the day; it will also help your digestion. The
+market may have gone down, and the reading of your newspaper may spoil
+your appetite.
+
+If at night your room is lighted by the means of one lamp only, don't
+bring that lamp just behind you in order to read your paper
+comfortably. See that your wife is not compelled to do her needlework
+in the dark. You do not perhaps realize that women are not all cats and
+cannot all of them see in darkness.
+
+Let your wife show and prove she loves you, but never let her tell it
+you. On the contrary, tell her all day long, if you choose. She will
+never tire of hearing you telling her; she will spend her life
+listening to you telling her.
+
+If your wife loses her temper, keep cool as a cucumber and enjoy the
+scene. The effect will be marvellous and instantaneous.
+
+If you are of a jealous disposition, take all the precautions in the
+world that your wife may not see it, for it will make her so proud that
+she may give you serious reasons for indulging in it. If you are
+suspicious, be a diplomatist and hide it from her; for if she does not
+deserve your suspicions, she will naturally resent it, and if she does,
+it will only make a hypocrite of her.
+
+Quarrel with your wife, but never bore her. Never fidget, never fuss,
+and never sulk. If she is late keeping an appointment, don't scold,
+don't make yourself unpleasant. Tell her it's much better to have her
+late than not at all. Next time go without her. The cure is infallible.
+
+If she is late coming down, take it for granted that she is trying to
+look her best for you. Feel flattered and show your gratitude. Remember
+that the modern _coming_ woman is the one who says she will be ready in
+ten minutes. Laugh at it, make fun of it, crack a joke on it, but never
+let a woman suppose that, in your manly grandeur, you can lose your
+temper, even your equanimity, for such trifles.
+
+Never appear to be idle in your house, in the morning especially. If
+you have nothing to do, go to your study, your library, or any other
+'growlery'; inform your wife that you have to be very busy all the
+morning, and will she be kind enough to see that you are not disturbed?
+Then lock the door, light a cigar, and take a paper or a book, and be
+fearfully busy all the time. Your wife, being busy herself all the
+morning, giving orders and preparing the programme of the day, will be
+grateful to you for being out of the way, and think all the more of you
+for being so busy.
+
+Whenever you do your wife a favour, make her a present, etc., never
+remind her of it. Gratitude, like love, is not to be had for the
+asking. What a woman admires most in a man is generosity, and to remind
+anyone of a favour is not generous. It looks like asking to be paid for
+a service.
+
+When you lend money to your wife, never ask for the return of the loan.
+She would think it shabby of you. If she should return it (there are
+some extraordinary women), give it back to her in the shape of a jewel
+or any other thing that may be a fair representative of the value. She
+will say of you, 'My husband is a gentleman,' and this will cost you
+nothing, as you had made up your mind to the loss of that loan.
+
+When your wife puts on a new gown, a new hat, or any new garment, never
+fail to notice it at once. She will appreciate an act which proves to
+her that your interest in her is keenly alive.
+
+Never do unto your wife what, as a gentleman, you would never think of
+doing to any lady of your acquaintance, such as to enter a room before
+her, meet her in the street without taking off your hat, etc.
+
+If your wife should ever appear in your presence with curlers on, or
+in any way she would sternly refuse to appear before a stranger, do
+not reprove her, but shame her by the irreproachableness of your
+appearance. Therefore, treat her as you want her to treat you. If she
+is intelligent, she will take the hint at once. Never put on slippers,
+a smoking-cap, spectacles, and such remedies for love. Always be
+freshly shaved, and let your _neglige_ at home be as carefully put on
+as your best dress coat. Love feeds on even such trifles as these in
+the case of people of a refined and artistic temperament.
+
+Never interfere with the liberty and independence of your wife, and
+never allow her to interfere with yours. Let her correspondence be
+sacred to you as yours to her. Mutual confidence and 'Liberty Hall'
+should be the motto of matrimony.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII
+
+MAXIMS FOR THE MARRIED WOMAN
+
+    A wife should follow and obey her husband, especially follow
+    him--Feed the brute.
+
+
+The Roman and British Empires were founded by men who did not allow
+themselves to be led by women. The gentle submission of woman to man is
+the basis of every solid social system. But the appearance of it is all
+that is needed.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Never tell your husband that you give him this or that for dinner, and
+not what he asks for, because you know what is best for him. A man will
+willingly yield to the woman he loves, he will make any sacrifice she
+may require, but he will generally draw the line at being told what is
+good for him. Of this he will beg to remain the best judge and tell you
+so frankly and firmly.
+
+If you suggest to your husband that he should go for a walk, and tell
+him that he must take to the right and go up the hill, because the air
+is much purer that way and will make his walk much more profitable,
+take it for granted that, if he is a man really worthy of the name, he
+will take to the left and go the other way, not at all to annoy you,
+but simply to assert his liberty and make himself believe that,
+although he is married, he is still a free man, able to go where he
+likes.
+
+The whole being of a man craves for liberty. If he is not in real
+possession of it, give him sometimes a chance of fancying he is. He
+will be grateful to you for this delicate act of consideration, and
+boast in his club that he is one of the lucky married men absolutely
+free to do as they choose.
+
+Never complain of your husband because he now and then criticises your
+dress or your new hat. On the contrary, return grateful thanks that he
+takes notice of what you wear. There are husbands who allow their wives
+perfect freedom in this respect, for the simple reason that they care
+absolutely nothing whether they have a garden of flowers or an old
+saucepan on their heads. Be grateful that your husband is none of
+those.
+
+If you want to be quite sure that he will like at least one dress of
+yours, take him with you when you choose it and let him believe that
+you entirely submit to his taste. He will always be sure to admire that
+dress, especially if he has had the privilege of paying for it.
+
+Never allow your husband to frequent your dressing-room and poke his
+nose into all your little jars and bottles, for fear he should discover
+the secret of your beauty and of your lovely complexion. Remind him
+that Balzac said that a man must be a philosopher or a fool who enters
+his wife's dressing-room.
+
+Cheerfulness is the keynote of happiness in matrimony. Never take life,
+and never let your husband take life, too seriously, if you happen to
+have the good fortune to be in easy circumstances. Indulge in little
+fads and yield to hundreds of innocent temptations. Your life will one
+day be worth remembering on account of the thousand and one little
+follies you will have indulged in and enjoyed.
+
+If your husband has a hobby, encourage him in it; never snub him for
+it. If he brings home a little picture, an engraving, a set of books, a
+few bits of china he has taken a fancy to, admire his purchase, and
+don't tell him he has spent his money foolishly. Probably he has earned
+that money himself. Besides, reflect that there are men who spend their
+money in drink or at the gambling-table, not only their spare cash, but
+often the money that would buy the necessaries of life for their wives
+and families.
+
+I know men who dare not change the place of a picture in their own
+house, for fear of being sneered at by their wives. Let your husband
+'potter' about his house to his heart's content. Let his study be a
+lovely picture of disorder, and every time you enter that room, don't
+begin to turn up your nose at the door, and look everywhere to see if
+there is a little dust on the furniture.
+
+When you have decided to go in for the spring-cleaning of your house,
+choose your time well and see that it fits in with one when your
+husband can have a little holiday. Spring-cleaning indulged in
+indiscriminately has been the cause of more disturbance in temper and
+language than all the immorality of the world put together.
+
+Let the man smoke and the children romp all over the place. Don't
+compel them to withdraw, like culprits, one in some underground den,
+the others in a nursery at the top of the house. If some stuck-up prig
+of your acquaintance should call on you and spread the report that your
+house is not kept on the strictest lines of order and propriety, plead
+guilty, and show that woman, to obtain 'extenuating circumstances,' the
+marks of the kisses of your husband and children engraven on your
+cheerful, happy face.
+
+Don't lavish yourself too much on your husband. Always leave something
+to be desired. If you saturate him with love, he will get tired of you.
+
+When lots of people require your attention in your house and you have
+to reply to all in succession, do not exhaust your stock of sweetness,
+patience and gentleness on your friends, your relatives, your children
+and your servants, so that, when your husband's turn comes, you may not
+have to say to him with a frown: 'Now, what is it?'
+
+He should be served first and best. Perhaps he deserves it. If not,
+your consideration for him may put it into his head to try and deserve
+it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII
+
+THE GENTLE ART OF RULING A HUSBAND
+
+    The rule of women over men is the survival of the fittest.
+
+
+The best thing that can happen to a man is to be ruled by his wife; but
+she should rule him so discreetly, so diplomatically, that he could
+almost boast that it is he who rules her. At all events, he should
+remain very undecided which of the two it is that rules the other. And
+when a man is not quite sure that it is he who rules his wife, you may
+take it for granted that it is she who rules him. Of course, I start
+from this indispensable, fundamental element, that there is love
+between husband and wife. Without love existing in matrimonial life,
+no rule can be laid down, no advice can be given on the subject.
+
+How is the art of ruling a husband to be learned? The American and the
+French girls are at a good school; they have only to study how Mamma
+does it. I have travelled all over the world, and so far I have
+discovered two countries only in which the men are in leading-strings
+and the women are the leaders--my own beloved one and the United States
+of America. In these two privileged nations the women lead the men by
+the nose; but in America the women boast of it, and I do not think they
+should. In France the women do not boast of it, but they do it, and
+with a vengeance. Yet, before the people a Frenchwoman will always say:
+'Oh, I do so and so because it pleases my husband.' Dear little humbug!
+does she, though! Butter would not melt in her mouth when she says
+that.
+
+Now, the rule of the women over the men, both in France and in America,
+is simply the survival of the fittest, the power of the most keen and
+intelligent; but for all that, and perfectly as he may realize it, a
+man objects to his submission being obvious to everybody. In public he
+will let his wife pass first; in the elevator with her he will take off
+his hat; in the street car he will give her a seat and remain standing.
+All this is not submission; it is merely politeness. He behaves, not
+like a henpecked husband, but only as a gentleman, and a man should
+always be as polite to his wife as he would to any lady he comes in
+contact with. A French gentleman, who meets his wife in the street and
+stops to speak to her, remains with his head uncovered until she begs
+him to put on his hat. A French son does the same to his mother.
+
+This leads me to the first and the most important principle of the art
+of ruling a husband, and that is, never to allow him to do to her, or
+before her, what she knows he would never think of doing to or before
+any lady of his acquaintance--at any rate, without her permission. The
+day on which either a husband or a wife says, 'Oh, never mind; it's my
+husband,' or 'Oh, it's only my wife; I can do as I please,' on that
+day, that awful day, Cupid packs up his traps, and when that little
+fellow is gone he never comes back; he is too busy visiting.
+
+To rule a husband it is not at all necessary that the wife should be
+the more clever of the two, unless by clever you mean intelligent, much
+less that she should possess a better education than he. The latter
+qualification would probably lead her to rule him in an assertive and
+aggressive manner, which would be fatal to their happiness. Very few
+marriages are happy when the wife is the superior of her husband. I
+know very clever men, scientific and literary men of prodigious
+ability, who are completely ruled by charming little geese who are
+fortunate enough to possess the most enviable of gifts--common-sense,
+delicacy, refinement, consideration, amiability, devotion,
+unselfishness, and a good temper. These men enjoy the rule of their
+wives thoroughly.
+
+God save you, my dear fellow-man, from the conceited woman who cannot
+do wrong! You will find that you cannot live up to that. If the day
+after you are married you discover that your wife is perfect, run away
+for your life. Perfection in a woman ought to be a cause for divorce.
+In fact, never have anything to do with angels this side of the grave.
+
+How I do love that simple, fascinating little woman who gently puts her
+arms round her husband's neck, kisses him, and confesses that she was
+wrong! What a brute that man is if he does not at once take that dear
+creature in his arms and make all the apologies he is capable of for
+behaving in such an ungentlemanly way as to force his wife to
+acknowledge that she was in the wrong! That man, if he is a gentleman,
+a man even, will spend weeks and weeks after such a confession
+attending to the smallest wishes of his wife. I would lay all I am
+worth in this world at the feet of a woman who would acknowledge that
+she was in the wrong. Most of them will argue and talk you deaf, dumb,
+blind, and lame, until, for peace' sake, you will say: 'Yes, dear, you
+are right, of course. How could I imagine for a single moment that you
+were not?' Then a ray of satisfaction flashes across her face, which
+seems to say to you: 'I knew you would have to acknowledge it.'
+
+To rule your husband, my dear lady, do exactly as you please, but
+always pretend that you do as he pleases. That is where your ability
+comes in.
+
+Men are ruled, as children are, by the prospect of a reward. The reward
+of your husband is your amiability, your sweetness, your devotion, and
+your beauty, of which you should take a constant care. Love has to be
+fed constantly. And always let him suppose that it is for him only that
+you wish to remain beautiful.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+The woman who believes that she is asserting her independence every
+time she puts on a hat particularly displeasing to her husband is as
+intelligent and clever as the Irishman who buys a return ticket at a
+railway office, and, on entering his compartment, says to his
+fellow-passengers: 'I have played a good joke on the company, I have
+bought a return ticket--but I don't mean to return.'
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX
+
+ART IN LOVE
+
+    Pleasure and happiness--Love is the poetry of the senses--The
+    artistic temperament--The instrument and the instrumentalist--The
+    defence of monogamy on artistic principles--Polygamy _versus_
+    monotony.
+
+
+Pleasure is a passing sensation. What the soul craves for is a
+permanent state. Pleasure is the satisfaction of the moment; happiness
+is the security of the morrow. Nothing but happiness gives satisfaction
+to the soul.
+
+Thomas Carlyle spent his life in scolding the human race for trying to
+be happy. His diatribes should have been aimed only at those who are
+foolish enough to try to find happiness in pleasure.
+
+Happiness is to be found in congenial work, in a regular and well-spent
+life, in obscurity and retirement, in sound and true friendship, and
+especially in the love of a man and a woman who thoroughly appreciate
+each other.
+
+For instance, Carlyle abused money-making, that chief occupation of
+modern life which most people pursue in order to attain the great end,
+happiness. But men may find pleasure in money-grubbing, not happiness.
+Carlyle mistook pleasure for happiness. His dyspeptic state prevented
+him from enjoying any pleasure, and his sour disposition any happiness;
+and, just as a man who cannot eat a dinner loves to lecture another who
+enjoys a good digestion, he scolded and snarled. Now, mankind has never
+been improved by scolding, and that is why his writings have passed
+over the heads of the human race and done no good. Man has ever been,
+is, and ever will be, in search of the solution of the great problem of
+life, happiness; and what they want is thinkers, writers who will help
+them to find it. Carlyle treated the human race very much as he treated
+his wife: he wrote beautiful love-letters to her, but never said a kind
+or sweet word to her which might have helped to make her happy.
+
+There is always something very unsatisfactory and inconclusive about a
+blind man discoursing on colour, or a dyspeptic one on pleasure and
+happiness.
+
+No doubt the greatest source of happiness in this world is to be found
+in the love and devotion of a man and a woman. You may find it in every
+sphere of life, but more particularly in that little cottage covered
+with ivy, jasmine, and honeysuckle which seldom attracts the attention
+of the passer-by. Happy the one whose nest is hidden far from the
+crowd!
+
+Now, what will especially help a man and woman to find happiness in
+love? Many, many things will help, but most especially the artistic
+temperament--that temperament which can be cultivated and developed,
+and which will cause the man and the woman to always look for the
+beautiful, for the enjoyment of the soul and the heart at the same time
+as that of the body.
+
+Love is the poetry of the senses. It reveals its secrets and its
+ecstasies only to those who can so mingle their thoughts, their hearts,
+their souls, as to transform two beings into one--only to people of
+refinement and of artistic disposition.
+
+The French, for example, are neither more moral nor more immoral than
+the English or the Americans: they are different in their morality,
+different in their immorality, as they are in their tastes, customs,
+and habits. But what I am perfectly sure of is that they are the
+happiest people on earth, simply because of their artistic temperament,
+which makes them take all their pleasures in discreet moderation, like
+epicures, and, by making the companionship of man and woman most
+pleasant and attractive, enables them to enjoy domestic relations in
+all their beautiful fulness.
+
+But, some people will say, is not an artistic temperament conducive
+to unfaithfulness? Will not a man with an artistic temperament, for
+example, constantly have new 'artistic' aspirations, and constantly
+fall in love with beauty? Not at all necessarily. If you will allow
+me to repeat an expression, of which I cannot say I am particularly
+proud, but the truth of which I insist on, that woman is a beautiful
+instrument and man a good or a bad instrumentalist, I will answer: No,
+not at all necessarily. I am not aware that Sarasate or Joachim require
+more than one violin to give their marvellous performances on, and I
+know that when Paderewski goes on tour, he insists on always playing on
+the same piano, which follows him everywhere.
+
+It is not only on moral but on artistic grounds that I object to
+polygamy, and that I advocate monotony--I mean monogamy. And on this
+subject another question might be put: Should a woman prefer to marry a
+man to whom woman is an enigma? I know that most people who belong to
+the retinue of Mrs. Grundy will at once exclaim: Most decidedly a woman
+should expect to find the man as he expects to find her. There goes
+again the old saying: 'What is good for the goose should be good for
+the gander.'
+
+Well, there is something in that; but when I consider that the whole
+happiness of a married life may depend on the start, I would fain
+reply: Remember that the first time a man whispers words of love he is
+a fearful stammerer.
+
+Mrs. Grundy is a very moral person for whom I cannot help feeling some
+respect; but she is the cause of a great deal of happiness being missed
+in Anglo-Saxon lands. My greatest grudge against that lady is that she
+is the bitter, implacable enemy of the artistic, the beautiful, and the
+truthful, of which she has succeeded in denuding art, literature, and
+life itself. Anglo-Saxon intelligence--'the intellectuals,' as we call
+them in France, are dead against her, loathe her, but the masses of the
+people are crawling on their knees before her. All the conventionalities
+of English life have been invented to suit her tastes, and to please
+her the most innocent pleasures have had to be transformed into
+funereal functions. Everything suggests impropriety and indecency to
+her distorted mind, and she is the cause that, in England, and also to
+some extent in America, art, literature, and life, have to lie in order
+to avoid running the risk of deserving her frowns.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X
+
+SORE TRIALS FOR PEOPLE IN LOVE--WILL LOVE TRIUMPH OVER THE AFFLICTIONS
+OF THE BODY?
+
+    A pathetic story--Could you whisper words of love through an
+    ear-trumpet?--The case presented on the stage--Take care of the
+    woman you love.
+
+
+The following reflections were suggested to me by a pitiful story that
+I heard a few days ago only. A young, beautiful girl, belonging to the
+best society, was engaged to be married. During her lover's absence she
+had typhoid fever. She recovered and is now quite well, but (the 'but'
+is terrible) she has not a single hair left on her head. Of course, she
+wears a wig, but she has tried every possible thing, consulted the most
+eminent specialists, to no avail. Her lover is returning very soon. He
+knew she was ill, but does not know the terrible misfortune which has
+befallen his beautiful _fiancee_. Will he marry her? Will his love be
+powerful enough to overlook the loss of woman's best ornament on his
+sweetheart's head? Will he be able to behold her with the wig off, and
+say to her: 'I love you just the same?' In a melodrama he would, but
+will _he_? I dare not answer the question. We do not live in heroic
+times nowadays, and you must not ask too much of man.
+
+As physical beauty is an appanage far more precious to a woman than a
+man, the question may perhaps be better put in the following manner: If
+a man loves a woman, will her disfigurement--the loss of a limb, the
+loss of her hair, deafness, blindness, or any other calamity of this
+sort which may afflict her--destroy the love of that man for that
+woman?
+
+It is all very well to say that love is the yearning of the soul, but
+it must be admitted that the man himself is closely associated with it,
+and that the face is the means of expressing what the soul feels. You
+can softly whisper 'I love you' in a woman's ear; but if the poor thing
+is deaf, you cannot shout these three words at her, much less blow them
+through a trumpet. If you doubt me, try it in a play, and you will see
+the effect it will infallibly produce on the audience. Why, they will
+roar. Deafness is terrible, so dull, so prosaic, so suggestive of old
+age; I have sometimes heard men wish their wives were dumb, but deaf
+never.
+
+I remember once seeing a play at a Paris Boulevard theatre, frequented
+by the emotional portion of the Parisian public, in which the heroine,
+in the fourth act, appears with a thick veil over her face. She has had
+small-pox and she is sadly disfigured for life; she expects her lover,
+who is returning from the war. A year has elapsed since the curtain
+went down over the third act; she has just received a letter announcing
+his arrival safe and sound. She is happy, radiant; then she looks at
+herself in a glass and weeps bitterly; she has told him of her illness,
+but not of her misfortune; he knows nothing about it. Will he love her
+still when he sees her, or will he go away from her? The suspense is
+awful, and the situation dramatic. At last he appears on the threshold
+of the door, and stretches out his arms to her; she remains speechless,
+motionless, and the audience breathless. He rushes up to her to take
+her in his arms. With a dramatic gesture of the hands she bids him
+stand back. Then she tells him what has happened; but he is one of
+those worthy, undaunted heroes of the Boulevard melodramas whose love
+can triumph over all obstacles. He swears that it will make no
+difference to his sentiments; she lifts up her veil; then he falls at
+her feet and exclaims from the depths of his heart: 'I love you just
+the same, my darling.' (Tableau, cheers, and applause.) Of course he
+does not say to her that he finds her more beautiful than ever, and
+that the marks suit her style of beauty and all that sort of thing, but
+he swears again that his love has not altered, and the audience applaud
+this lofty sentiment, and the women say: 'That's a man!'
+
+H'm! is it, though?
+
+A friend who was with me on that occasion, and who is a bit of a cynic,
+said to me: 'There was only one possible _denouement_ for that play to
+give satisfaction to an audience that must go home perfectly persuaded
+that the hero and the heroine will be happy and in love with each other
+for ever and ever. The author missed a fine dramatic curtain. As the
+small-pox marks cannot be taken away, that man should have carried his
+love for that girl further than he did. He should have torn his eyes
+out in her presence. The sacrifice would have gone straight to her
+heart, and would have made the continuation of his love possible.'
+
+'Well,' I said, 'yes, I see what you mean, but how do you know that the
+girl would have cared to marry a blind man? Maybe her love would not
+triumph over the difficulty.'
+
+I may tell you that I knew a loving married couple who ceased to love
+each other, he because her hair turned white, and she because his
+turned outwards.
+
+This is a psychological subject that may well puzzle the best
+sociologist.
+
+I have not tried to answer the question, but merely intended to offer
+it for discussion.
+
+However, this I will say to my fellow-men: 'I know how truly and deeply
+you love your wives and sweethearts, but let me advise you: Don't try
+the experiment; don't put your love to so severe a test. Take the
+greatest care of the said wives and sweethearts, and see that no
+accident happens to them, that no disease disfigures them or
+permanently injures their health. This is wisdom.'
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI
+
+MAN VERSUS WOMAN IN LOVE
+
+    How many times can a man and a woman love?--They love differently--
+    A delicate question--'Lucky dog!'--The inexorability of the
+    virtuous woman.
+
+
+Man is capable of love as earnestly as woman is; but love is not the
+whole business of his life, whereas it is a woman's. When a child, she
+loves her doll; when a girl, her mother; when a woman, a man. She can
+feed on love and die of it. When a mother, she loves her children; when
+she dies, surrounded by beloved grandchildren, she may say that her
+life has been well filled.
+
+I believe that a woman can love more than once. I have known widows
+remarry, and love their second husbands with the same devotion as their
+first.
+
+A man really loves once only. I knew a man under fifty who was married
+three times. He was a good and devoted husband to his three wives, but
+he never really loved but the second. If he dies suddenly without
+having time to take all his precautions, the portrait of his second
+wife will be found on his heart.
+
+The reason of this is that men and women love in different ways. A man
+loves because his whole being--heart, soul, and body--craves for a
+woman. A woman often gives herself to a man because it pleases her to
+be loved by him. For a man, love is the pleasure he feels in the
+company of a woman; for a woman, it is the enjoyment of the pleasure
+she gives to a man. A woman is proud to call herself a reward, and that
+is why all heroes appeal to her so much. Mirabeau was the plainest of
+men, with his face covered with smallpox marks, yet no man ever made so
+many conquests among women. Successful generals, explorers, great
+orators, authors, artists, singers, all appeal to women. They may not
+love them personally, but it affords them great pleasure to be loved by
+them. There is in every woman a craving for a man superior to herself,
+and that is why women who try to dominate men are such dismal failures.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+To a woman love is sacred, her food, her life.
+
+Never have a sneer at a woman or at a child. Whenever you feel
+sarcastic, exercise your talents on something else.
+
+Never profane the words, 'I love you'; they may seal the fate of a
+woman; but when you have uttered these three words in great
+earnestness, and the woman has answered with that great religious,
+almost sad, smile that Victor Hugo called 'the smile of angels,' when,
+in a word, she is yours, place her on a pedestal, on an altar, and
+worship her. The world has nothing better to offer you.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+A man can cure a woman of a man. Nothing can cure a man of a woman,
+unless it be that woman herself.
+
+While on the subject of love and tender relations, let me ask a
+question of my lady readers: Which would you rather know, that the man
+you love had broken his allegiance to you, but kept his heart faithful,
+or that he had lost his heart with another woman, but kept his
+'monastic' vows? A clever woman once answered me in the following
+manner: 'If that man was my husband, I would much rather know that his
+heart had gone from me for a time. If I was not married to him, I would
+prefer to know that his heart had remained faithful.'
+
+Only I must warn you that if a man put this question to his wife, she
+would probably say to him at once: 'Jack, which of the two are you
+guilty of?'
+
+'In ninety cases out of a hundred,' says Paul Bourget, 'for a woman to
+play her heart in the game of love is to play at cards with a sharper,
+and gold against counterfeit pieces.' How true! for when the game is
+over, society (which ought to be ashamed of itself in its treatment of
+men and women) says of the man, 'Lucky dog!' but mocks at the woman who
+has given way, puts her outside the pale when she forgets herself for
+the moment, and turns away from her when she gives way to despair. Poor
+woman! She cannot rebel, for if man is the cause of her downfall, it is
+woman who becomes her bitterest enemy. There is no pity in the breast
+of a woman for the woman who has fallen, unless she herself has had the
+same sad experience. The virtuous woman is inexorable, although her
+virtue is very often like a fortress which never had to capitulate for
+the reason that it never was attacked.
+
+If I were a woman, oh, how I should hate women!
+
+Madame de Stael said that what consoled her to know that she was a
+woman was that she would never have to marry a woman.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII
+
+COURTING IN FRANCE AND ENGLAND
+
+    Kneeling and sitting--The piquancy of French courting--The use of
+    the second person singular--The sealing kiss.
+
+
+The art of courtship as practised in France and England leaves the
+amorous Gaul sometimes at a decided disadvantage, and sometimes at a
+marked advantage, by comparison with the Briton. On the whole, I think
+honours are easy. Take the declaration of love. In France the foolish
+animal has to go on his knees at the feet of the adored one, who
+through her modestly drooping eyelashes can make an inventory of the
+suitor's least defects--of the bald spot on his crown, his languishing
+eyes, with their white turned up in the ardour of passion, maybe of the
+little wart which will obtrude itself for observation, especially at
+such a moment. The poor Frenchman is obliged to run the risk of making
+himself very ridiculous.
+
+But now turn to England. There, if you would a-wooing go, you sit down
+comfortably, very much at your ease, with the beloved object of your
+dreams at your side, or sitting on a cushion at your feet. Thus
+situated, you can murmur your soft whispers of love into her ears
+without any risk of dislocating your spinal column. The ladies will
+possibly think that the business is more nicely arranged in France, but
+they will hardly get the other sex to agree with them.
+
+In America I never was able to make any observations on the subject.
+Those provoking Yankees invariably waited until I had left their houses
+to proceed to business.
+
+What adds, however, to the charm of the French system of making love is
+that French girls do not enjoy the same freedom as English ones, and
+that the declarations of love are made in the sweet moments stolen from
+the watchfulness of their parents.
+
+What, for instance, would an English girl, or for that matter an
+American one, think of the young lady in M. Victorien Sardou's comedy
+of 'Old Bachelors,' who, finding herself alone with her lover--a lover
+to whom she is engaged to be married--reproaches him with having
+ventured into her presence when he knew that there was no one with her?
+
+'N'est-ce pas que c'est bon d'etre ensemble?' pleads the young man.
+
+'Je n'ai pas dit que ce ne fut pas bon,' replies the young lady in good
+epigrammatic style; 'j'ai dit que ce n'etait pas bien.'
+
+To the Anglo-Saxon people who have not familiarized themselves with
+French customs and modes of thought, it seems simply inconceivable that
+a girl who intends to entrust to a particular man the happiness of her
+life should think there could be danger, indiscretion, impropriety of
+any, even the slightest kind, in talking to him for a few moments
+without the presence of witnesses.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+I have always pitied the English-speaking people for using the second
+person singular only when addressing the Almighty.
+
+I am not speaking of poetry, of course, but of everyday conversational
+prose. This second person singular seems to me indispensable for the
+due expression of love. Where is the Frenchwoman who does not remember
+with a thrill of pleasure the never-to-be-forgotten moment when her
+lover, after many times saying to her 'Je vous aime,' got emboldened
+enough, by her return of his deep affection, to change that 'Je vous
+aime' into 'Je t'aime'?
+
+She knows that this change of person sealed her fate, that from the
+very moment that second person singular was used she became his. 'Je
+vous aime' will, of course, always appeal to the woman who loves the
+man who utters these words; but when 'Je t'aime' is whispered into her
+ears, she will close her eyes in ecstasy and be transported to heaven
+as if for eternal bliss.
+
+This use of the second person singular in love affairs is not the only
+superiority that the French have over the Anglo-Saxons in the
+expression of the tender feelings. In England, and I believe also in
+America, a woman is kissed on the lips by her father, mother, brothers
+and lady and girl friends. Of course her lover will do the same, with
+more ardour, more expression, more 'impressions;' but in France this is
+very seldom the case. Girls are kissed on the forehead by their father,
+and on the cheeks by all their other relatives and friends. Even a tiny
+little girl, on being asked for a kiss, will offer her cheeks, never
+her mouth. The lips are entirely reserved for Cupid.
+
+A French philosopher has said that when a woman has surrendered her
+lips she has surrendered everything; but he is right only as far as his
+countrywomen are concerned. Even after saying 'Je vous aime,' the
+Frenchman will not dare kiss his sweetheart on the lips. It is only
+after risking the sacred second person singular, 'Je t'aime,' that he
+will venture to do so, and thus stamp her his.
+
+Well, after all is said and done, I have no doubt that Britons and
+Americans find that the second person plural, for want of the second
+person singular, answers the purpose well enough. And for ever and ever
+men and women will love without attempting to discover new methods or
+adopt foreign ones. The old story will ever be told; the old method
+will ever do.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII
+
+THE WOMAN-HATER
+
+    Should a woman marry a woman-hater?--The portrait of a woman-hater--
+    The risk a woman runs in marrying a woman-lover--Take your chance,
+    don't cast your pearls before swine.
+
+
+Should a woman marry a woman-hater? Yes, some people say, because he
+will pay no attention to any other woman, and will be a faithful
+husband in all the force of the expression. A woman-hater is _par
+excellence_ a one-woman's man, and just the sort of man that a woman
+should wish to marry.
+
+No, other people say, the woman-hater is a no-woman's man. A woman
+should marry a lover of her sex, and feel proud to know that it is she
+whom he prefers to all and loves best of all. Of course, they admit
+that she will have to be careful and ever-watchful in order to keep
+alive the interest which her husband takes in her and the affection
+which he feels for her. But a woman-hater is a prig, and the male prig
+is the last man that a woman should care to marry.
+
+I think the latter are right. The woman-hater hates all women, and will
+never be capable of any love for his wife any more than for any other
+woman. Only the sense of ownership will make him value her. He may like
+her, be a good friend to her, a hard-working and devoted husband, but
+he will never be a lover to her; and the husband who, during at least
+the first fifteen years of his married life, cannot now and then be the
+lover of his wife fails to give to that woman that bliss which is a
+perfect compensation for all the troubles and miseries of that which
+the Popes are fond of calling the Vale of Tears, and Mrs. Gamp 'the
+Wale of Tears.'
+
+The woman-hater is a man who has never petted his mother, who has never
+been the 'chum' of his sisters, who as a boy has despised girls, and as
+a young man has treated them with disrespect and even contempt. This
+kind of man has never once in his life given a thought to woman, has
+never deemed it consistent with his dignity to devote a minute to the
+study of her character. He has never given way to her charms, he has
+never felt her influence, he has never learned to smile kindly at her
+little foibles and fads. The idea has never occurred to him to indulge
+her, to treat her, in turn, as a beloved child, even sometimes a
+spoiled one, as a friend whose advice is worth following nine times out
+of ten, as a sweet companion either for moments of pleasure or for
+those of studious retirement. For him woman is a necessary evil. He
+puts up with her, and is always glad when she is gone. She annoys him,
+provokes him--nay, even shocks him, and her frivolity is for him a
+constant source of torment. He breathes more freely when at last he is
+left alone or finds himself in the company of men at his club.
+
+He is seldom generous, and is not infrequently a miser.
+
+The woman-hater is always conceited, and most generally selfish, and
+conceit and selfishness are the two worst, the two most objectionable,
+pieces of furniture in the household of a married couple. The
+woman-hater is also dull, and often sulky, which is worse still. With
+him there can be no cheerfulness in the house, and dulness is the
+bitterest enemy of happiness in matrimony.
+
+The woman-hater has not a redeeming fault or foible which may enable
+his wife to get hold of him. He has no weaknesses to make him lovable
+or even tolerable. He is ironclad, and a woman cannot come near him
+without getting a bruise of some sort or other. He will ever stand
+before his wife a perfect model for her to look up to, and all her
+pretty little womanly ways, being a closed letter to him, will be
+wretchedly wasted on him.
+
+Like all conceited men, the woman-hater has no humour in him. He cannot
+for the life of him see a joke. A frivolous remark will make him frown.
+He is a moral man with a vengeance, but all his morality and all the
+gold in the world are not worth the smile of a genial, cheerful
+husband. And, worst of all, the woman-hater is generally dyspeptic, and
+if a woman marries a dyspeptic man she is done for.
+
+The man-flirt is the most despicable creature on earth, but the
+woman-hater is undoubtedly the most objectionable.
+
+Yes, my dear lady, avoid the woman-hater, and, above all, don't marry
+him. Have to your wedded husband a lover of women, full of foibles and
+weaknesses, a man who understands and appreciates women. It will depend
+upon you whether that man will make the best of husbands or not.
+
+With a woman-lover marriage is a risk; with a woman-hater it is a
+certainty. With the latter you will be casting pearls before swine.
+
+Marry the former and take your chance.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV
+
+WHAT DO WOMEN ADMIRE MOST IN MEN?
+
+    People generally admire in others the qualities they do not
+    themselves possess--The sexes differ in their opinions of
+    infidelity and its causes--The eleventh commandment: Never confess.
+
+
+I believe that what sexes admire most in the other are the qualities
+which they do not generally possess themselves. For instance, a man
+will always tell you that the qualities he admires most in a woman are
+constancy, good, equal temper, and such others as his most flattering
+friends would never accuse him of possessing. If, on the other hand,
+you read the confession-books of women, you will invariably discover
+that the qualities they most admire in men are generosity,
+broad-mindedness, magnanimity, absence of prejudice, and a lofty sense
+of justice, of toleration, and of forgiveness. Now, some women may
+possess these qualities, but no one, I think, will say that they are
+eminently feminine virtues.
+
+And it may also be added that what sexes hate most each in the other
+are the very defects which they themselves not infrequently possess.
+Out of twenty confession-books which I have this moment under my eyes,
+and in which is to be found the question, 'What defect do you hate most
+in man?' eighteen women have answered, 'Meanness.' That is just what
+you would expect, now, don't you think so?
+
+Of course, there are women of whom it might be said, however
+preposterous the remark may sound, that they are not only perfect
+ladies, but also perfect gentlemen. These are glorious women. Now,
+don't smile; I know what I am saying. When you say of a woman that she
+is a perfect lady, the remark chiefly refers to her manners, the way
+she dresses and behaves in society, etc. When you say of a man that he
+is a perfect gentleman, it means that he is a man of considerate
+feelings, generous, magnanimous even, a man who could not do anything
+mean if he tried.
+
+A woman who receives an anonymous letter about her husband, puts it in
+the fire, and never mentions the fact to him, behaves like a gentleman.
+A man who receives an anonymous letter about his wife and shows it to
+her is a cur.
+
+In a pretty play, the name of which escapes me just at present, a woman
+has compromised herself with a man. A letter from that man is delivered
+to her before her husband. The latter knows whom the letter is from.
+His wife hands it to him.
+
+'My dear, this letter is addressed to you. I have no right to open it,'
+says the husband. 'Don't you want to read it yourself?'
+
+The wife answers that she does not.
+
+'Very well,' he says; 'then there is only one thing to do.'
+
+And before her he throws it into the fire.
+
+All the women in the audience applaud. So they should; but how many of
+them would behave in the same manner if such a letter from a woman came
+to their husband?
+
+Meanness in a man is revolting to woman; but although many women cannot
+be accused of the defect, it must be admitted that it is often found in
+them.
+
+Many a man who was sure that his wife was in earnest love with another
+man would be found ready to sacrifice himself and give his wife to that
+man. A celebrated English writer did it. Under similar circumstances a
+woman would rather give her husband or lover to the tiger of Mr. Frank
+R. Stockton.
+
+A man will admit the possibility of his wife loving another man and
+being loved by him. He may grieve over it, but he will not despise her
+for it, or necessarily impute any low or degrading motive to her. But a
+woman will never admit that her husband can have fallen in love with
+another woman. She will only accuse him of being too amorous, and in
+her eyes that other woman can only be a 'low creature.' She will not
+stop a moment and reflect that by lowering that 'creature' she lowers
+herself, since her husband, for a time at any rate, may prefer that
+woman to her.
+
+It will not enter her head that, maybe, her husband goes down on his
+knees and prays that he may forget that woman, but is conquered in the
+struggle, and cannot resist the fascination. No; for her the woman is
+an abandoned creature and her husband a blackguard. Every day in the
+novels she reads, she will give her sympathies to a man who has met
+with the misfortune which has befallen her husband and herself.
+
+She will forget that if there was no passion in this life, no human
+weaknesses, no pits and falls in the path of man and woman, there would
+be no drama, no great poetry--in fact, no literature, no art.
+
+She will admit that no heart (man's or woman's) is free from the danger
+of being lost. She will admit that this may happen to any man, but not
+to her husband. You may give her to read and study all the works of
+Balzac, of Alexandre Dumas the younger, and of all the greatest
+dissectors of the human heart; she will learn nothing. The mind of a
+woman is a mixture of obstinacy and prejudice. When she reads the
+accounts of the proceedings of the Divorce Court, she exclaims of the
+respondent, if she be a woman: 'Poor thing! romantic, I suppose.' When
+the respondent is a man, she dismisses the whole thing with: 'Man's a
+beast.' She sometimes sympathizes with a co-respondent.
+
+What women admire particularly in men is indulgence, the spirit of
+forgiveness, magnanimity. Their hero is the man of the play who, when
+his wife, falling at his feet, shrieks, 'I am not guilty!' takes her
+gently by the hand, embraces her, and whispers softly in her ears, like
+Dr. Primrose to his misguided daughter: 'And if thou wert, child, am I
+not here to protect thee, to comfort thee?' And, true enough, the
+situation is pathetic, thoroughly human, and that husband's role is
+sublime; but in real life not one woman out of a thousand would play
+that part.
+
+For, even when woman forgives, it is out of consideration for her
+children--for her own sake, as it were, in order to avoid a scandal, an
+open avowal of the situation. She may forgive, but she will not forget.
+It is true that in Mr. Arthur Pinero's beautiful play, 'The
+Profligate,' the wife forgives, and tells her husband she will help him
+bear it. But the offence was committed before the marriage. She has not
+been personally wronged or deceived, except in her estimation of the
+man she has married. Therefore she may forgive, although I do not envy
+that man's future in matrimonial life.
+
+Conclusion: If a man should be unfortunate enough to deviate from the
+path of virtue after entering the holy estate of matrimony, let him
+follow the advice given by a great French jurisconsult to all prisoners
+about to appear before their judges: 'Never confess.' Only a very lofty
+woman will take him by the hand and, putting in the scales all he has
+done for her in life, will say: 'It leans on the right side.' A _rara
+avis_ this woman.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV
+
+CAN GRATITUDE ENGENDER LOVE?
+
+    Expecting gratitude is asking for the price of a service--Love
+    keeps out of it.
+
+
+Has love anything to do with gratitude? In other words, does gratitude
+engender love? No; to kill a woman's love for him a man has only to
+keep on reminding her of what he has done to earn her gratitude, and by
+the same means a woman will obtain the same result with a man.
+
+A woman will often hate a man who lavishes money upon her, and will
+love the first man who comes along to whom she will owe no gratitude,
+simply because the former degrades her by paying for her favours,
+whereas the latter enables her to regain her independence and to raise
+herself in her own estimation.
+
+A man who marries below his rank in society may be loved by his wife,
+not because, but although, he has raised her to his rank. And a man
+will seldom love a wife whom he has married for money, because by so
+doing he has to a certain extent sold himself, and love never goes
+abreast with either feelings of self-degradation or absence of respect
+for the other party. This is why mesalliances, as a rule, turn out to
+be very unhappy marriages. The best guarantee of happiness in
+matrimonial life is the equal footing on which a husband and wife will
+go through the years of their association. Neither of them must have a
+feeling of owing anything to the other. It must be a partnership into
+which each party has brought the same amount of capital.
+
+Gratitude will engender affection, devotion, great friendship, but not
+love. Nay, I will go further and risk the following statement: Not only
+gratitude does not engender love, but it will stand in its way.
+
+A woman does not love a man because she feels it is her duty to love
+him. Love has nothing to do with duty. You cannot help falling in love
+any more than you can help becoming gray or bald, and you may fall in
+love against all the interests of your life. The more you argue against
+love, the more you love. Love has nothing to do with arguing and
+reasoning, any more than it has with duty and gratitude. You cannot
+command love to come or go, and many a woman has been on her knees
+praying that she might love a man to whom she owed a debt of gratitude,
+but the prayer has seldom been heard. A woman will remain faithful to a
+man out of duty or out of gratitude, but all that will not make her
+love him.
+
+No, no; and I will also say that for a man to feel that he has to be
+grateful to a woman is injurious to his love for that woman. He so
+hates himself for being unable to do for her all he would like to do,
+that he curses himself and fails to love her more for all her patience,
+for all the devotion she shows to him through the hardships of life. A
+man loves a woman all the more for all he can do for her, and so does a
+woman a man. This is the natural consequence of the fact that we often
+love people (not necessarily of the opposite sex), not for what they
+actually do for us, but for what they allow us to do for them. M.
+Perrichon, in 'Le Voyage de M. Perrichon,' by Labiche, a play worthy of
+Moliere, had a daughter whose hand was sought by two suitors. One saved
+his life; the other, more cunning, pretended to have his life saved by
+him. Perrichon prefers the latter, simply because the first reminds him
+that he cannot ride, and made a fool of him, while the second one made
+a hero of him by enabling him to boast that he had saved a man's life.
+
+Now, this does not by any means show the better side of human nature.
+But we are not writing a panegyric of man or woman: we are
+philosophizing a bit, and seeking to speak the truth and our mind. Of
+course it is possible, and I hope it is a fact, that a lofty, exalted
+nature may love through gratitude; but lofty, exalted natures are the
+exception.
+
+A man may win the love of a woman by risking his own life to save hers;
+but in this case it is not only gratitude that engenders love; it is an
+act of heroism, and an act of heroism will always appeal to a woman. On
+the other hand, a wounded soldier may fall in love with a woman who
+nurses him; but in this case it is the sweet ministration of a tender
+woman, nursing--that most womanly role, that of an angel--that will
+appeal to man, not gratitude pure and simple.
+
+I have known men fall in love with girls of low character, have them
+educated--physically, mentally, and intellectually--and marry them,
+with the most disastrous results.
+
+Of course, when people already love, gratitude will increase their love
+for the one they owe it to; what I mean to say is, that if love does
+not exist, it is not gratitude that will engender it.
+
+Love is inspired by an exaltation that makes us feel better or greater.
+Gratitude, like pity, makes us look smaller; that is why gratitude does
+not, and cannot, engender love.
+
+A cynic once remarked that ingratitude was the independence of the
+heart. He might have added that gratitude, by attempting to force the
+heart, fails to touch it in the tender relations between man and woman.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI
+
+DOES MARRIAGE HELP A MAN?
+
+    In social life--In commercial life--In literary and artistic
+    life--Matrimony is a highly respectable institution.
+
+
+Does marriage help a man?
+
+Well, if he marries a rich wife, of course it does; but, you see, money
+helps wherever it comes from, and so we must put this consideration out
+of the question altogether.
+
+Let us also say, and at once, too, that if a man finds happiness in
+matrimony, marriage will help him, whatever his position may be; but
+happiness helps wherever it comes from, and so we must put this
+consideration out of the question also.
+
+And before answering the question, or rather, before presenting
+arguments both in the affirmative and in the negative, we must examine
+the different positions that a man may occupy in life.
+
+In commercial pursuits marriage will help a man. If money-making is the
+chief concern of his life, an attentive, interested, saving wife will
+enable a man to devote all his mind to business, and, by a careful
+management of her house, will also enable him to amass wealth.
+
+If a man holds a post of responsibility--a Government one, for example,
+in the Diplomatic Service, in the Civil Service, in the Church, in the
+university professions--a wife, possessed of attractive charms, amiable
+and tactful, will help him; for let us remember that in England, as
+well as in all countries where it is sought to always appoint the right
+man in the right place, before deciding on a candidate for any
+important vacant post, the first question that is asked is, 'What kind
+of a wife has he got?' The kind of wife that will help such a man is
+the one that will help him socially and diplomatically--by
+wire-pulling, if you like.
+
+Now, if interviewers set any value on their comfort--nay, on their
+lives--I advise them to avoid this topic; for the question is not only
+a very big one, but a very uncomfortable one indeed, considering that
+the very men who are called upon to answer it must naturally be married
+men.
+
+To prove this, I will, in a few words, put down a little conversation I
+quite recently had on the subject over a cup of tea with a charming
+English lady.
+
+'But,' she said, 'you do not answer my question--Does marriage help a
+man?'
+
+'Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends a great deal on the
+profession, or the calling, of the man.'
+
+'Well, a doctor, for instance?'
+
+'Yes,' I said, 'marriage helps a doctor. It stamps him respectable, and
+many women will not consult a doctor unless they know that he is a
+married man; but white hair will help him quite as much.'
+
+'That is not very promising,' said the lady.
+
+'Well,' I replied, 'let us try again.'
+
+'Surely women can do much to inspire, to encourage a man, whatever his
+work may be?'
+
+'Yes, a sympathetic woman can do a great deal; but it is very difficult
+to quite determine what effect her help may have upon her husband's
+work during the various critical periods of his career. There may have
+been days when, without her encouragement, he would have lost faith in
+himself, but such cases are rare. Then you speak of artists, of people
+who live by praise, feed on it. I have known painters who looked for
+and found such encouragement from their wives. On the other hand, I
+have known others who sought solitude when at work, men who could not
+have expressed their message unless alone with their art. I have known
+authors who looked for inspiration from their wives, or thought they
+did, and I have known others who could not do a stroke of work unless
+they were absolutely left alone with their thoughts.'
+
+'But if a wife makes a man happy, that alone surely helps him?'
+
+'Of course it does; but the married man has far greater
+responsibilities than the single one, and he may be obliged to produce
+for the sake of filling many little hungry mouths. And another thing
+you must remember that the single man can command the interest of a
+great number of women who would not care to be interested in his wife,
+and very few wives will realize that they may not be as interesting as
+their husbands. This will cause trouble--unpleasantness, at least--and
+stand in the way of a man's success.'
+
+'Then,' said the lady, 'let us change the question. Does marriage
+hamper a man?'
+
+'Undoubtedly there are professions which seem to necessitate
+bachelorhood, where marriage is not only no help, but a handicap. A
+soldier, for instance, should not marry, for a married soldier, good
+fighting-man though he may be, never can forget the wife, and perhaps
+the little ones, at home.'
+
+'I take it,' said my lady interlocutor, 'that you do not advocate
+marriage for the rising poet, painter, dramatist, or novelist?'
+
+'I do not advocate marriage for any man that is too susceptible or who
+has the artistic temperament too strongly developed. The man who is
+strong enough to achieve great things is strong enough to achieve them
+alone--that is, unless he is fortunate enough to meet the exceptional
+woman. Lord Byron said that nothing can inflict greater torture upon a
+woman than the mere fact of loving a poet. This is not due to the
+heartless or deliberate cruelty of the poet. He himself is to be pitied
+for being a martyr, the slave of art. It is the natural depth of a
+poet's emotions to fall in love with every lovely woman. The higher we
+rise in the intellectual scale, says a modern writer, the more varied,
+complex, and deep are the emotional groups which delight and torment
+the soul. Mental work does not extinguish passions; it feeds the
+flames, on the contrary, and unfits the brain-owner for matrimony. Only
+people who have uneventful, almost humdrum, lives are good subjects for
+matrimony and perfectly happy in marriage.'
+
+'Then you do not admit the existence of the man who needs the quiet
+sympathy of a good domestic wife before his art becomes fully
+articulate?'
+
+'No, because the artist constantly wants stimulants, and a domestic
+life is not stimulating. Now, do not misunderstand me. Marriage can
+make a man very happy, including the man with the strong artistic
+temperament, but I don't think that it helps him. I have come across
+hundreds of cases where artistic and literary efforts have been
+checked, and sometimes killed outright, by the petty cares and worries
+of domestic life. The brain-worker is very easily irked and tormented
+by the most trivial things. He is irritable and most sensitive. I have
+known literary men put right off their work for days simply because
+devoted wives came into their studies, and, after giving them an
+encouraging kiss, carried off their pens to make out their washing
+list. I have known painters whose faculties were positively benumbed by
+the presence of their wives. I have known dramatists who could never
+set to work in earnest before they had sent their families into the
+country or had themselves left home far behind them; and, mind you,
+these men were all fond of their wives.'
+
+'You are not encouraging.'
+
+'Will you have a cup of tea?'
+
+'Thank you, with pleasure; but does marriage----'
+
+'Do you take sugar?'
+
+'If you please; but are there not cases----'
+
+'And cream?'
+
+'Please. Now, tell me----'
+
+'What I think of the Paris Exposition?'
+
+'Before I go, can't you say something nice about matrimony?'
+
+'Yes, madame: Matrimony is highly respectable.'
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII
+
+THE GOOSE AND THE GANDER
+
+    The case for man, the defendant--Freemasonry between women--Which
+    is right?--Influence of plumage--The female bird--Man is not
+    invariably wrong--'What is good for the goose is good for the
+    gander'--But there is a difference between the goose and the
+    gander.
+
+
+Women, who seldom miss an opportunity of picking one another to pieces,
+invariably stand shoulder to shoulder (as much as the shape of their
+sleeves will allow them to do) when the question to decide is whether
+it is a man or a woman who is in the wrong. The freemasonry between
+women goes as far as that and no further.
+
+The Queen of Roumania, well known to literary fame as Carmen Sylva,
+declares that the reason for a wife's infidelity is to be laid at her
+husband's door, and the assertion is laid down as a rule by the royal
+authoress. In so saying, the Queen of Roumania makes herself the
+mouthpiece of her sex; for most women, if not absolutely all, are of
+her opinion, that the wickedness of man is responsible for all the
+vices, faults, and even shortcomings of woman.
+
+On the other hand, I have always heard men say that a man will stay at
+home if his wife makes his house attractive and cheerful, and herself
+pleasant in it.
+
+It is the same story, the eternally same story.
+
+The man stays at his club and returns home at one o'clock a.m. because
+Madame is dull and sulky. The woman is dull and sulky because Monsieur
+stays at his club and does not return home before one o'clock.
+
+Now, which is right? or rather, which of the two began? A prejudiced
+person of the male gender will say:
+
+'It is the women's fault.'
+
+A prejudiced person of the female persuasion will answer:
+
+'No, the men's, of course.'
+
+(Women in their arguments always add, 'Of course.')
+
+A fair-minded person of either sex will probably say: 'Out of that
+equal number of men and women, half the women are right, and half the
+men are not wrong.'
+
+All this leads us to a very serious question: Of man or woman, which is
+the more responsible of the two for the continuance and eventually the
+long duration of happiness in matrimony?
+
+And as women are ever airing their grievances on the subject, let us
+try to plead a little the cause of that poor, often too much abused
+creature that Madame Sarah Grand delights in calling 'Mere Man,' and
+let us do so in a friendly spirit, in an unconventional, intimate sort
+of way.
+
+If women have their grievances against Nature, men have theirs, too.
+Nature has, indeed, treated men in a far less generous manner than the
+other male members of the animal kingdom. The female bird, for
+instance, is plain. She has no voice and no glorious feathers. All the
+fascinating power of beautiful song, gorgeous plumage and graceful
+demeanour was given to the male. It is he who has to win, and Nature,
+knowing this, has endowed him with the means of conquest. Not so with
+us. Man is about the ugliest creature of all that breathes on the face
+of the earth, and woman was intended to attract and charm him, and, in
+order to enable her to do so, Nature has given her a beautiful face, a
+divine figure and a taste for attractive plumage. During the
+seventeenth and eighteenth centuries men paid attention to their dress,
+which, in many respects, was as attractive and fascinating as that of
+women. But now! Man is a guy, a cure, a remedy for love-sickness, and I
+sometimes wonder how it is that women think his conquest worth making.
+To make himself lovable, man has to turn himself inside out; for only
+his moral and intellectual qualities can help him to get at a woman's
+heart. Soldiers are supposed to be more successful with women than any
+other men because their profession appeals to the minds of women; but I
+can't help thinking that their uniform has a great deal to do with it.
+
+Now, if Nature has endowed woman with the powers of charming man by her
+amiability and winning grace, who is to blame if she does not avail
+herself of all these advantages, and does not use them carefully,
+discreetly, skilfully, to prevent love from flagging and cooling in
+matrimony?
+
+Of course, intelligent women feel, after the wedding ceremony is over,
+that a man's love is not secured by a few sacramental words pronounced
+by a priest in solemn tones and in the presence of many witnesses. She
+soon discovers that man is not like woman; she understands, as the male
+bird does, that plumage has a great deal to do in order to excite
+happiness and keep it alive in matrimony, and that her cheerfulness and
+tactful ways will obtain what remonstrances and sulks will invariably
+fail to secure.
+
+There is no doubt that many women, women spoiled by loving husbands, by
+lover-husbands especially, become dull and irritable when the husbands
+do not exactly detach themselves from their wives, but, through
+circumstances too numerous to enumerate, pass from the stage of lovers
+to that of friends.
+
+Women are, as a rule, the embodiment of prejudice, and they will not
+understand. There is seldom any philosophy in them, and, when they do
+understand, they will not resign themselves cheerfully to the
+inevitable, and either make a careful study of the position and see the
+only possible way to revive what appears to be dying, or make the best
+of what, after all, is still worth having, the friendship and the
+protection of a devoted husband who has worked for them and made their
+life secure. No, they will sulk and make things wretched and hopeless.
+
+Man is not invariably wrong, and he is not to be blamed for his
+coldness any more than he is to be blamed or scolded for his want of
+appetite. Perhaps if the dinner had been prepared with more care, he
+would have eaten it with avidity.
+
+A great French poet says that happy nights make happy days in
+matrimony. I do not think that he is right. I rather believe in the
+reverse: Cheerful days, spent in delightful companionship, will make
+later meetings perfectly delicious. But it is on the woman, much more
+than on the man, that this happy result depends. There is no conceit on
+the part of a man in saying so. This line of conduct is dictated by the
+difference which exists between a man and a woman.
+
+I am ready to admit that women have grievances in this respect; but
+they are not of man's making, they are of Nature's, and no blame can be
+attached to man for it. How many couples, wretched and miserable, could
+be happy if women could, or would, realize the truth of this statement!
+But, as a rule, they will not. Their motto is, 'What is good for the
+goose is good for the gander.'
+
+But it isn't.
+
+_Non_, madame, the gander, unfortunately for your sex, is not
+constituted like the goose, and it is for him an impossibility to eat
+the dish you offer him if his appetite is not tempted. _You_ can, but
+he cannot. The whole problem of happiness in matrimony lies in this
+nutshell.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII
+
+DOES JEALOUSY COME FROM TRUE LOVE?
+
+    The different kinds of girls that men seek in matrimony--Jealousy
+    is intensified, not created, by love--Why should not a married man
+    continue to admire women?--I want to knock down a newly-married
+    woman's husband--'Who would "polyg" with him?'
+
+
+There are men who would not think of courting a woman with a view to
+marrying her if they knew she had been engaged before. On the contrary,
+there are others who marry women who have spent their girlhoods in
+flirting and have been engaged a dozen times. These women seem to have
+a special sort of attraction for men who feel proud of winning a
+'prize' that has been so much sought after, and who are very much like
+those people who do not know the value of a picture until, at a sale,
+they hear men bid higher and higher for the purchase, and conclude
+that the picture must be a priceless treasure. So they bid higher still,
+and get it. As a rule, these men are remarkable neither for their
+intelligence nor for their appreciation of true womanhood.
+
+This remark, however, would apply to Englishmen or Americans rather
+than to Frenchmen, because in France, when a girl has been engaged, she
+has only met her _fiance_ in the presence of her parents, whereas in
+England or America the young people have had lonely and sentimental
+walks together, indulged in many little familiarities--proper, no
+doubt, but still familiarities, all the same; and the young Anglo-Saxon
+girl who has been engaged is a flower whose bloom has been a little
+rubbed off. In the eyes of the real, true man, she has lost--indeed,
+she _must_ have lost--some of her value, a bit of her innocence, as it
+were. How can a man marry such a girl and run the risk, when he gives
+her a kiss, of hearing her exclaim: 'Oh, Jack used to give me much
+better kisses than that!' He must be a very brave man, one very sure of
+himself, who is not afraid of competition, or a very conceited, if not
+a very foolish, one.
+
+Not only are there men who court women because they are run after, but
+there are some who never really fall in love with their wives until
+they have some serious reasons to be jealous of them. Then, and then
+only, do they seem to realize that their wives must possess some
+attractions, since other men are attracted by them. But this sentiment
+I should not care to call love, but rather false pride, because that
+man might have exactly the same feeling toward a horse or a dog the
+possession of which other men envied him. Many a man, on hearing the
+beauty of his wife praised, has said to himself: 'I wonder if it is
+true. I must have a look at her.'
+
+I have heard many men and women say that there is no love without
+jealousy--in fact, that jealousy is the natural consequence of love.
+St. Augustine said: 'He that is not jealous is not in love.' I believe
+these people are wrong, including St. Augustine, before whose authority
+on love and women I decline to bow. There is no room for jealousy in
+the heart that loves really and truly. There is no real love where
+there is no _abandon_ and complete confidence.
+
+Jealousy may be intensified by love, but not created by it. Jealousy is
+a characteristic of men and women which manifests itself in love as it
+does in friendship and in every phase of life. Love gives it a special
+opportunity, but it existed before the man or the woman was in love.
+Such men and women, who are jealous of their wives and their husbands,
+were jealous before of their brothers, sisters, or acquaintances,
+whenever they imagined that they were displaced by them in the
+affections of the family or of their friends.
+
+That man who is jealous of his wife because he imagines, rightly or
+wrongly, that she receives and accepts the attentions of other men,
+will also probably be jealous of her if his children show preference to
+her or bestow more attentions on her than on him. Othello is a jealous
+brute who might have murdered a General in the Venetian army who had
+been promoted to a rank he would have considered himself entitled to.
+
+And when people are jealous in love, what fools they are to let it be
+seen! What an idiot that man is who lets his wife suppose that he
+thinks she could prefer another man to him! Suggestions are terrible.
+What a poor diplomatist that woman is who does not let her husband
+think that she takes it for granted no woman could have in his eyes
+the charms she possesses! Jealousy can only suggest to men and women
+actions which would revolt them if they had absolute confidence in each
+other.
+
+In love, however, jealousy should not be condemned too severely. A
+little of it, just a little, adds piquancy. It then becomes an emotion,
+a stimulant, that rouses desire, something like that short absence
+which the Italians call the _dolce piccante_, and which many
+artistically constituted lovers will take now and then merely to
+increase the pleasure of reunion. Epicures will do it, and invariably
+with success. A diplomatist, who loves his wife, and is sure to be
+loved by her, may cure her of a passing little coldness by openly
+paying innocent attentions to another woman. And who is the man who is
+such a strict monogamist that he cannot admire--in a platonic way, of
+course--other women besides the one he loves? And who is the woman who
+is not aware of that? I remember, a few years ago, greatly admiring a
+beautiful American girl, daughter of a great friend of mine. When, the
+following year, I went to America again, she introduced me to her
+husband. Did I admire that girl? Yes, immensely. Did I love her?
+Certainly not. Yet my first impulse was to knock down her husband. That
+is all I mean by saying that very few men are strict monogamists.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+A little anecdote, _a propos_ of polygamy, to finish.
+
+Not long ago one of the most popular novelists of England was calling
+on a lady, one of the most popular novelists of America. That
+Englishman is, perhaps, the plainest man I have ever set my eyes on.
+He, too, held, in conversation, that every man was born a polygamist.
+The lady said nothing. But when he had gone, she turned towards her
+guests, and said: 'Well, I should like to know who would "polyg" with
+him!'
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX
+
+DO WOMEN DRESS TO PLEASE MEN?
+
+    The female attire--Women dress for breakfast and undress for
+    dinner--You don't know them from Eve--Society likes to be
+    exposed--How French, English, German and American women
+    dress--Simplicity in dress the coquetry of some women--What would
+    happen if two women remained alone on the face of the earth.
+
+
+Never in the history of female attire have women dressed so exquisitely
+as they do in this year of grace 1901. The figure is gracefully
+accentuated; all the sculptural lines are discreetly indicated without
+any exaggeration. No more bustle, no more outrageous sleeves, no more
+deformities of any sort. Many a woman would have been in despair if
+Nature had made her as fashion has often made her appear.
+
+To-day it is the female form divine, beautifully draped in beautiful
+limp materials of soft, delicate hues, gracefully relieved by lovely
+lace and refined trimmings, the whole with a touch of simplicity that
+never fails to enhance the beauty of the wearer. No, never since the
+classical days of Athenian dress have women looked so beautiful as they
+do now.
+
+The majority of us men are, I believe, conceited enough to think that
+women dress and try to look as beautiful as possible to please us. My
+firm conviction is that women dress to please themselves--or to kill
+other women with envy. To the question, Do women dress to please men? I
+answer most emphatically, No, they do not. Quite the contrary.
+
+And now, may I be permitted to remark that when I reflect that Eve,
+after eating an apple, discovered that she was naked, I cannot help
+thinking that a little bite at that fruit might be of service to many
+ladies before they leave their dressing-rooms to go to a ball, a
+theatre, or a dinner party? Is it that the fashion of the day requires
+the train to be so long that there remains no material to make a
+corsage with? From the way in which women dress in the evening, you
+might almost mistake them for Eve.
+
+The fact is that it is practically impossible for you to say what it is
+that the women wear around a dinner-table. Women dress for breakfast
+and undress for dinner. As for the sight offered to our gaze from the
+boxes at the opera, we might as well be in a Turkish bath. And the most
+amusing and edifying part of it is that this fashion is more
+flourishing in puritanical England than in any country I know, and that
+most of those beautiful daughters of Albion whom you see so much of are
+the very same ones who are presidents, vice-presidents and secretaries
+of the societies for the suppression of the nude in the public parks,
+the museums and art-galleries and other British institutions for the
+suggestion of indecency.
+
+Who says that the world is sad?
+
+'Society ought to be exposed,' I once remarked to a beautiful member of
+the English aristocracy, 'for giving that bad example.' 'You are quite
+right,' she said; 'but that will do no good, because I believe that
+there is nothing that English society enjoys more than being exposed.'
+'Evidently!' I thought, as I looked at the glorious shoulders exposed
+to my gaze.
+
+I was quite right when I once exclaimed: 'Provided an English woman
+does not show her feet, she is safe and feels comfortable.'
+
+In the way of dressing, of all the women of Europe and America, the
+Germans are the worst, the French the best, and the Americans the
+smartest. The German women are covered, the English clothed, the
+Americans arrayed, and the French dressed. I am not now speaking of
+high life--these people are the same all the world over; and whenever a
+writer publishes a criticism on the life and manners of any nation he
+ought to place the following epigraph at the top of every page he
+writes, so that the reader may not lose sight of it: 'All civilized
+nations in the world are alike in one respect: they are composed of two
+kinds of people--those that are ladies and gentlemen, and those that
+are not.' Then there could be no misunderstanding about what he writes.
+
+I think it is acknowledged that the French women are the best dressed
+women in the world, and that French dressmakers are the authority on
+what should be worn and how it should be worn. Next I should say
+decidedly the American woman. In the United States the latest French
+fashions are worn in all their freshness and glory, but too often with
+exaggeration. And, when the French fashions are already outrageous in
+their extravagance of style and size, then the Lord help the American
+women! I shall never forget the remark that that most delightful of men
+and writers, Oliver Wendell Holmes, made to me some years ago, as we
+were talking on the subject of women's dress: 'By the time a French
+milliner has been six months in New York she will make you a bonnet to
+frighten a Choctaw Indian.' But then, Dr. Holmes was a refined
+Bostonian.
+
+The French woman, at an afternoon or evening party, may be as
+beautifully and stylishly dressed as you like, there is always about
+her dress a certain little touch of simplicity that will make you think
+that somewhere in her wardrobe she keeps some frock or gown still more
+beautiful, stylish and expensive. Very often at breakfast-time an
+American woman will make you think that she has on her very best and
+smartest dress. I have seen some at the leading hotels of Jacksonville
+and St. Augustine, Florida, with diamond brooches and bracelets at
+breakfast. The American woman has a supreme contempt for what is not
+silk, satin, velvet or crepe de chine. She generally looks dressed for
+conquest. With her it is paint and feathers and hooray all the time! On
+board a steamer across the Atlantic she wears silk and fifty-dollar
+hats. But, of course, these ladies do not belong to the Olympian sets.
+
+I have mentioned all this because woman's character is very much the
+same all over this little planet of ours. Now, of all these women, the
+Americans are those who devote most time and spend most money over
+their appearance, and as they would be least of all accused of thinking
+for one moment how they look for the sake of the men, I say I have
+proved my answer to be right, that women do not dress for men.
+
+Indeed, if the end of the world were to witness the presence of two
+women only on the face of the earth, each would be discovered striving
+to outshine the other and look the better dressed of the two.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX
+
+THE FRENCH WIFE
+
+    Her keenness and common-sense--Her power of observation and her
+    native adaptability--Her graceful ways--Her tact--Her artistic
+    refinement--Monsieur et Madame--'Did I hear you knock at my door,
+    dear?'
+
+
+The wealthy classes of society in every civilized nation in the world
+are so much alike in their manners, habits, and customs, that they
+offer very little food to the observer of national characteristics. The
+men follow the London fashions, the women the Paris ones. They all
+cultivate sport, art, and literature; they all enjoy the same luxuries
+of life, they all have good cooks, they all have discovered the same
+way of living. If you want to see how differently people live in
+France, in England, in Germany, in Italy, in America, wherever you
+like, live among the middle and lower classes. Once, in South Africa, I
+spent a whole day in a Zulu kraal, living with the natives and like the
+natives, and I found that day spent in a far more interesting manner
+than if I had spent it among the hosts of the Faubourg Saint-Germain,
+Mayfair, or Fifth Avenue.
+
+France is the only country that I know where, outside of the
+aristocracy and the wealthy classes, you can find people who live
+daintily. The French labourer eats a more appetizing dinner than
+English and German well-to-do shopkeepers eat and than is served in the
+hotels of the small American towns. That French labourer would refuse
+to swallow, and even to look at, that wretched meal which I have seen
+English working-men eat at noon, when resting their backs against a
+wall or fence on the road--bread and pickles, or a slice of something
+looking very much like cat's-meat, and stale beer that had been stewing
+for hours in the sun in a badly-corked can.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+The French wife, immensely superior to her husband in intelligence,
+in shrewdness, in _savoir vivre_ and _savoir faire_, thanks to her
+common-sense, her knowledge of financial matters, her instinct for good
+order and management, her artistic refinement, her keen power of
+observation, her native adaptability, her talent for cookery, makes a
+husband enjoying but a small income lead the life that a rich foreigner
+might envy.
+
+She may have two dresses and one hat only to her name, but, by constant
+skilful changes, the little humbug will make you believe that she
+possesses a well-furnished wardrobe. It is not the cowl that makes the
+monk any more than it is the dress that makes the woman. A woman is
+stylish or not, according to the manner she puts her clothes on, and
+that is where the French woman is irresistible. To lift her dress
+modestly, gracefully, and daintily as she crosses a muddy street, she
+has not her equal in the world. She has a little bustling, fluttering
+way about her that will always keep your interest in her alive. She is
+always tidy and smart, her hair well dressed, her hands well gloved,
+her stockings well drawn, and her dainty little feet well shod. When
+she speaks to you, you can seldom guess, from the way she is dressed,
+from the way she behaves, from the language she uses, whether she is
+the wife of what society calls a gentleman or not.
+
+She has the knack, the inborn genius, for getting twenty sou worth out
+of every franc she spends. She is no snob, does not play at At Homes,
+and saves her tea and sugar, which in France are expensive luxuries.
+She does not play the piano, and saves her husband's ears. She makes
+her own frocks, and saves dressmakers' bills; she eats light, healthy
+meals of her own make, and saves cooks' wages; she goes to bed early,
+and saves her candles. She is rich, as most of us might be, not in what
+she actually possesses, but in what she knows how to do without. Thanks
+to that woman, a Frenchman who has L100 to spend in the year lives like
+an Englishman who has an income of L500.
+
+In the most modest little flat she has her dressing-room, out of which
+she issues in the morning neatly trimmed, a perfect transformation. She
+will do without a drawing-room, but never without a dressing-room, for
+she understands to a supreme degree that poetry of matrimony which has
+not two years to live if the apartment does not possess a
+dressing-room.
+
+Better than that, the French wife of that class will play at being an
+aristocrat, if you please. She will insist on having Monsieur's
+apartment and Madame's apartment quite separate, so that they shall not
+be compelled to impose their society on each other if they don't feel
+in the mood.
+
+And in that very humble class of French society I know men who are
+trained to knock at the door of their wives' apartments in good
+Faubourg Saint-Germain style, when they wish for the company of Madame.
+
+And if Monsieur should fail to knock at Madame's door when the latter
+would be pleased to receive his attentions and enjoy the pleasure of
+his company, it is just possible that she would go to her husband's
+_appartements_, knock at his door gently and discreetly, and whisper:
+'Did I hear you knock at my door just now, dear?'
+
+'Silly nonsense!' some people will say.
+
+Well, my dear friends, let me tell you that happiness is made up of
+thousands of little foolish trifles of that sort.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI
+
+THE ENGLISH WIFE
+
+    Her position--Family life less attractive and piquant in England
+    than in France, but more solid--The English wife is the goddess of
+    a beautiful home.
+
+
+The Englishman is no doubt cut out to make colonies, but less to make
+love, for the simple reason that he does not know how to forget
+himself, and spends the greater part of his life standing sentry at the
+door of his dignity.
+
+The Englishman loves in his own fashion, in a true and manly way,
+according to his peculiar organization, which enables him to bring to
+the choice of a wife the very same cool reflection, care and
+discernment that he brings to all the other actions of his life. In a
+word, he seldom allows himself to be 'carried away.'
+
+This is a great superiority he has over the Frenchman, because this
+cool and reflective way of loving has established the English family on
+a most solid basis. The Englishman does not seek beauty in a wife.
+After being married he wants to enjoy a perfect peace of mind, and, to
+do him justice, I will add that money will seldom make him take a wife
+who does not possess those moral and intellectual qualities that are
+the foundation-stone of happiness in matrimonial life. A cheerful face
+will attract him much more than a beautiful one. It is a cheerful and
+useful companion he wants, not a legal mistress or a well-dressed doll.
+
+His honeymoon lasts a month. When he settles at home, he prepares to
+keep his wife in order and discipline, and to give her occupations to
+fill up all her time--a house to keep and a large family to bring up.
+Devotion and friendship are nowhere deeper than in the English family,
+but poetry and piquancy shine by their absence. It is a prosy life
+among the masses of the people.
+
+Among these masses, even the well-to-do masses, of the people (I don't
+mention the upper tens, who are alike all the world over) there is no
+privacy between them--why, very often, not even a dressing-room.
+
+The 'nonsense,' as I once heard an Englishman call the poetry of
+matrimony, is soon knocked out of them. One says, 'Oh, that's all
+right. It is not a man; it's only my husband'; while the other says, 'I
+would not do this or that before a woman for all the world; but this is
+the wife: it's all right.' And it is that kind of life that so often
+causes Englishwomen of the middle class to appear so unattractive. The
+blame is to be laid at the door of their husbands. In love the
+Englishman is a little selfish. He forgets that the sweetest pleasures
+are those we give.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+When the French girl marries, she gains her liberty; when the English
+girl marries, she often loses hers (when the American girl marries, she
+retains hers). In France the wife is the friend and confidante of her
+husband and often his mistress. In England she is the mistress of the
+house only. And this is not always a sinecure; for she becomes
+something more than a house-keeper in point of rank, but at the same
+time something less, if we consider that no wages are due to her and
+that she cannot give notice to leave.
+
+In England the wife is the partner of her husband at home only. In
+France she is his partner in business. It is she who keeps his books
+and his cash-box, and neither was ever entrusted to better
+guardianship.
+
+An Englishman gives his wife so much a month for housekeeping and so
+much for dressing and pocket money. One morning he tells her they are
+going to remove to a sumptuous home. She did not know he was making his
+fortune. Or maybe he will tell her at breakfast: 'I have lost
+everything. We must go to Australia and start a new life.' She did not
+know they were on the way to ruin; so she merely replies: 'Very well,
+John. Give me time to put on my hat.'
+
+When things are prosperous and matrimonial life happy, the Englishwoman
+makes the best of wives. Her mission, which she understands so well, is
+to cheer her husband in the comfort of his home and make him forget the
+worry, annoyance and heartburnings that beset him out of doors in his
+public, professional or commercial life; to provide for him a retreat
+in the soothing atmosphere of which he can find rest and renovated
+strength; to do the honours of his house with that liberality, that
+provident and large-hearted hospitality, which is only to be found in
+England. Such is the mission of the English wife. 'The companions of
+John Bull are beautiful, healthy girls, perhaps a little too bold;
+virtuous wives, perhaps a trifle too respected; excellent mothers,
+perhaps a little too neglected; above all, women whose ingenious
+attention to all the minor comforts of existence can turn the humblest
+cottage into a little palace of order, cleanliness and well-being.'[1]
+
+The more I examine the constitution of the English family, the more
+deeply convinced I become that it is the very pedestal on which stand
+solid the prosperity and the greatness of the British Empire.
+
+      [1] 'John Bull and his Island.'
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII
+
+THE BRITISH MATRON
+
+    The English woman the most charming of women--The British the most
+    ridiculous one--English and British--The British matron is the
+    produce of British soil--Her ways--Her fads and inconsistency--Her
+    knowledge of French literature and her judgment thereof.
+
+
+When an Englishman, speaking of a woman, says, 'She is a thorough
+Englishwoman,' that is the greatest compliment he can pay to a
+countrywoman of his. It means the embodiment of all that is refined and
+delicate in a woman, of all the best domestic virtues, and of a style
+of beauty not so piquant, perhaps, as that of the belles of America and
+Southern Europe, but the beauty of delicate, regular features, clear
+skin, classical, sculptural outlines and an expression of repose, of
+modesty, and of healthy simplicity of life. In the eyes of English
+people the words 'English' and 'perfect' are synonymous. For once they
+are fairly right. I have said it elsewhere: 'When an Englishwoman is
+beautiful, she is beyond competition, she is a dream, a perfect angel
+of beauty.' When she is ugly--the Lord help her!--she has not a
+redeeming feature, not even that intelligent, bright expression which
+saves the plainest American woman from hopelessness.
+
+When an Englishman, speaking of a woman, says, 'She is a regular
+British matron,' that means the embodiment of all that is ridiculous in
+a woman--of all the British fads, social, religious, artistic (or,
+rather, inartistic), the everlasting laughing-stock of all the comic
+papers in the world. The English people call themselves Britons or
+Britishers when they want to make fun of themselves. In their eyes, the
+words 'British' and 'ridiculous' are pretty nigh being synonymous,
+except when the word 'British' is used as a patriotic adjective. They
+say the 'British Empire,' a 'British soldier,' a 'British General,' but
+they would not say a 'British bishop.' No, they would say 'English'--it
+sounds more sober and respectful to their ears. 'English Society' means
+the upper ten, the pick of society. On the other hand, an English
+author who had failed to be appreciated by the public might say: 'What
+can you expect from the British public?' And he would mean, like in the
+song, 'that pig of a public, that ass of a public.'
+
+The British matron is not necessarily old, not even elderly. She is a
+product of the soil, not an evolution or a result, and she may be
+blooming at thirty.
+
+Cant and inconsistency are the characteristic traits of the British
+matron. It is she who writes to the papers to demand of the Town
+Councils the exclusion of statues from the public parks, and of the
+museum curators the exclusion of the nude from the picture and
+sculpture galleries; and it is she who, at balls, theatres and
+dinner-parties, astonishes the world with the display of her charms. It
+is she who holds up her hands in holy indignation at the sight of men
+and women bathing in Continental and American seaside resorts,
+forgetting to observe and mention that at those places both sexes are
+dressed exactly alike, in dark, thick serge costumes, which invariably
+have a skirt; and it is she whom you may see on English beaches bathe
+in light, clinging, salmon-pink calico tights. I hope that my readers
+of puritanical proclivities will feel obliged and grateful to me for
+not giving that attire the name that would describe it best, that of an
+article of underclothing which you may see on the ladies' washing-list.
+
+The British matron is a keenly sensitive person. She may not take any
+notice of such pieces of news as cases of starvation in the midst of
+London, of cruelty to wives, of Turkish or Chinese atrocities, and all
+that sort of everyday intelligence which she may read in the daily
+press; but she will air her Homeric indignation if she hears that an
+operation has been performed on a rabbit without giving anaesthetics to
+poor 'bunny.' She is the champion of dogs, cats, horses, rabbits,
+birds, and is invariably a member of the Royal Society for the
+Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, a society which includes neither men
+nor women among its proteges. In spite of that, the British matron
+witnesses pigeon-shooting matches, eats _pate de foie gras_ (which
+is obtained by slowly killing a goose inside a hot oven), wears furs
+which can be obtained only by skinning animals alive, sealskins among
+them, and trims her hats with the dead bodies of the most beautiful
+birds.
+
+If you were to remark before the British matron that the trousers of
+Mr. So-and-so are always irreproachable, you would run the risk of
+creating a panic, and the lady might go into a fit. But you may see her
+watch men's races at Athletic Sports meetings. For all covering on
+their skin, the competitors have a thin flannel jersey, and drawers of
+the same material about the size of fig-leaves. Saturated with
+perspiration, these elementary articles of clothing will cleave to the
+human form as if the wearers had come straight up out of the water. The
+British matron looks on, applauds, and does not turn a hair. Her ears
+are most easily shocked, but not her eyes. She objects to the word, not
+to the thing. In her way she is a realist. The thing speaks for itself,
+it is the truth, whereas the word suggests to her fantastic imagination
+the most objectionable ideas.
+
+The French and the American women call on you and, when they think they
+have stayed long enough, they shake hands and go. The British matron
+'thinks' or 'is afraid she must be about going.'
+
+What you have achieved does not amount to much to make a gentleman of
+you in her eyes. If your father is a gentleman, you may be _in_ it; if,
+besides, your grandfather was a gentleman, then you will be _of_ it.
+The British matron generally belongs to Thackeray's family of snobs.
+
+Her knowledge of French literature is marvellous. She has read or heard
+of all the novels of M. Zola, and her verdict is that modern fiction in
+France is the abomination of desolation. Edmond About, Andre Theuriet,
+Anatole France, George Sand, she does not know.
+
+Two young girls of my acquaintance, both aged about sixteen, were
+speaking of the books they had lately read. One mentioned that she had
+just finished 'Strathmore,' by Ouida, and that her mother thought it
+was quite the sort of novel a young girl could read.
+
+'And what have you read?' she added.
+
+'Last week I read 'L'Ami Fritz,' by Erckmann-Chatrian,' replied the
+other girl.
+
+Now, this little idyll is about as proper and moral as the top lines of
+school copy-books.
+
+'Oh!' said the first young girl, 'does your mother allow you to read
+French novels? Mine never does.'
+
+Truly a strange being, the British matron!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIII
+
+THE AMERICAN WOMAN--I
+
+    A new coat-of-arms for America--The American woman--Her ways--The
+    liberty she enjoys--'Oh, please make me an American woman!'
+
+
+If I were asked to suggest a new coat-of-arms for the United States of
+America, I would propose a beautiful, bright, intelligent-looking
+woman, under the protection of an eagle spreading its wings over her,
+with the motto: _Place aux Dames_--'Honour to the Ladies'; or, if
+you prefer a freer translation, 'Make room for the Women.'
+
+The Government of the American people is not a republic, it is not a
+monarchy: it is a gynarchy, a government by the women for the women, a
+sort of occult power behind the scenes that rules the country.
+
+It has often been said that a wife is what a husband makes her. I
+believe that the women of a nation are what the men of that nation make
+them. Therefore, honour to the men of the United States for having
+produced that modern national ideal the American woman.
+
+I have been six times all over the United States. I have spent about
+three years of my life in America, travelling from New York to San
+Francisco, from British Columbia to Louisiana. If there is an
+impression that becomes a deeper and deeper conviction every time that
+I return to that country, it is that the most interesting woman in the
+world is the American woman.
+
+Now, let us compare her with the women of Europe. The English woman,
+when beautiful, is an ideal symphony, an incomparable statue, but too
+often a statue. The French woman is the embodiment of suppleness and
+gracefulness, more fascinating by her manner than by either her face or
+figure.
+
+The Roman woman, with her gorgeous development, suggests the descendant
+of the proud mother of the Gracchi. The American woman is a combination,
+an _ensemble_.
+
+I have never seen in America an absolutely, helplessly plain woman. She
+is always in the possession of a redeeming something which saves her.
+She may be ever so homely (as the Americans say), she looks
+intelligent, a creature that has been allowed to think for herself,
+that has never been sat upon. And I know no sight more pleasing than an
+elderly American woman, with her white hair, that makes her look like a
+Louis XV. marquise, and an expression which reflects the respect she
+has inspired during a well and usefully spent life.
+
+When women were born, a fairy attended the birth of every one of them.
+Each woman received a special gift. The American woman arriving late,
+the fairies gathered together and decided to make her a present of part
+of all the attributes conferred on all the other women. The result is
+that she has the smartness and the bright look of a French woman, and
+the shapely, sculptural lines of an English woman. Ah! but, added to
+that, she has a characteristic trait peculiarly her own, an utter
+absence of affectation, a naturalness of bearing which makes her
+unique, a national type. There is not in the world a woman to match
+her in a drawing-room. There she stands, among the women of all
+nationalities, a silhouette _bien decoupee_, herself, a queen.
+
+Allowed from the tenderest age almost every liberty, accustomed to take
+the others, she is free, easy, perfectly natural, with the
+consciousness of her influence, her power; able by her intelligence and
+education to enjoy all the intellectual pleasures of life, and by her
+keen powers of observation and her native adaptability to fit herself
+for all the conditions of life; an exquisite mixture of a coquette
+without affectation and a blue-stocking without spectacles or
+priggishness; the only woman, however beautiful and learned she may be,
+with whom man feels perfectly at his ease--a sort of fascinating good
+fellow, retaining all the best attributes of womanhood.
+
+Now, if this should sound like an outburst of enthusiasm, please excuse
+me. I owe to American women such pleasant, never-to-be-forgotten hours
+that on merely hearing the mention of the American woman I take off my
+hat.
+
+Of all the women in the world, the American woman is the one who
+receives the best attentions at the hands of men. The Frenchman, it is
+true, is the slave of his womankind, but he expects her to be his
+thorough partner--I mean, to share with him his labours as well as his
+pleasures. The American man is the most devoted and hard-working
+husband in the world. The poor, dear fellow! He works, and he works,
+and he works, and the beads of perspiration from his brow crystallize
+in the shape of diamonds all over the ears, the fingers and the neck of
+his interesting womankind.
+
+He invites her to share his pleasures, but he saves her the trouble of
+sharing his anxieties. The burden of life from seven in the morning
+till seven in the evening rests on his shoulders alone.
+
+Yet, in spite of all this, I have seldom discovered in American women
+the slightest trace of gratitude to men. The American woman expects a
+triumphal arch to be erected over each doorway through which she has to
+pass--and she gets it.
+
+Well, she deserves it.
+
+Almost throughout the length and breadth of the United States, you hear
+of women seeking to extend the sphere of their influence, women
+dissatisfied with their lot. But there is no satisfying spoiled
+children. If they see the moon reflected in a pail of water, they must
+have it.
+
+I am perfectly convinced that the American woman has secured for
+herself the best, the softest berth that it was possible to secure in
+this world.
+
+Let me finish by repeating an exclamation I uttered after my first
+visit to the United States, twelve years ago: 'If I could choose my sex
+and my birthplace, I would shout to the Almighty at the top of my
+voice: "Oh, please make me an American woman!"'
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIV
+
+THE AMERICAN WOMAN--II
+
+    She walks first, Jonathan behind her--The educational system of
+    America explains the idiosyncrasies of the American woman.
+
+
+The first time that I was in America, some twelve years ago, I one day
+mentioned to a newspaper reporter that I could not find a cup of tea to
+please me anywhere in America. The next day a paragraph about me
+appeared in the paper, headed, 'Max is going to abuse everything in
+America.'
+
+A few days later I had an opportunity to mention to another reporter
+that, however bad meals were in some hotels in the small cities, I
+could everywhere get a cup of coffee quite as good as in France, if not
+even better. The next day a paragraph appeared headed: 'Max wants our
+dollars.'
+
+I have many times lectured in the United States on women, including a
+sketch on American women. After the lecture I have generally been
+introduced to some ladies of the audience, who kindly expressed the
+desire of shaking hands with me.
+
+Almost every time one or two have taken me aside, and said: 'I have
+read in your books and your magazine articles and heard in your
+lectures all you have to say about American women; but now, tell me,
+what do you really think of them?'
+
+My dear ladies, there are some men who do occasionally speak the truth,
+or what they believe to be the truth, and who do say what they mean,
+and mean what they say.
+
+The English, long ago, warned me that I would not be able to do in
+America what I had successfully done in England, because the Americans,
+they said to me, were much more susceptible and sensitive than the
+English. They were mistaken.
+
+No doubt the Americans had resented, and justly, too, the criticisms of
+Trollope and Dickens (the latter had to write a permanent apology in
+the preface of 'Martin Chuzzlewit'). Criticism that never offends, and
+praises that never flatter, are, I believe, everywhere acceptable when
+they are taken in the spirit of fairness and good-humour in which they
+are expressed. I believe, and firmly believe, the American women to be
+the most interesting and the most brilliant women in the world, and I
+do not see why I could not proclaim it from the house-tops if I like,
+even in America.
+
+They are picturesque, vivacious, natural, stylish, smart, clever,
+unconventional, and the best educated. They are typical, perfectly
+labelled.
+
+Take me to a drawing-room in Paris or in London, and, without being
+introduced to anyone, I think I should be able to pick out all the
+American women in the room.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Once, after a lecture in England, I received the card of a young
+American lady who wished to speak to me. She came and brought in her
+mother, and also a man, who all the time stood in the rear. When we
+parted, she left, followed by her mother. Then I discovered the man,
+who said to me most meekly, 'I'm the father.' Poor dear man! he looked
+so small as he emerged from the background!
+
+I cannot help thinking that there exists in some American women a
+little mild contempt for that poor creature that is called a man.
+
+And how is that in a country where the women receive such delightful,
+and, for that matter, well-deserved attentions at the hands of the men,
+and that throughout the length and breadth of the country?
+
+Well, I think the educational system of America explains the
+phenomenon.
+
+In Europe the sexes are kept apart in youth--I mean at school, and, in
+France especially, young boys and young girls entertain for one another
+very strange feelings, most of them founded on ignorance.
+
+In Europe even now the education received by girls cannot be compared
+to the education received by boys. That's being changed now--some say
+improved. H'm! we shall see.
+
+It was not a long time ago that, in England and in France, when a girl
+could read, write, add, and subtract, name the capitals of Europe, and
+play 'The Maiden's Prayer' on the piano, her education was finished;
+she was prepared for the world and ready for her husband--and her
+neighbours.
+
+Very often I have been invited to be present at the distribution of
+prizes in large English public schools and colleges. When I was in a
+girls' school, I never once failed to hear those poor girls told, and
+by men, too, that practically the only thing they should think about
+was to prepare to become one day good wives and good mothers.
+
+I have been many times present at the distribution of prizes in boys'
+schools in England, and I know that I never heard those boys told that
+now and then they might think of preparing to become one day decent
+fathers and tolerable husbands.
+
+In America things are different. In every grade of educational life,
+among the masses of the people, boys and girls are educated together,
+side by side; on each bench a boy, a girl, a boy, a girl.
+
+Now, the official statistics of the Education Department declare that
+in every State of the Union the number of diplomas and certificates
+obtained by girls is larger than the number obtained by boys.
+
+When I heard that statement, I said this to myself (kindly follow my
+little argument): 'Is it not just possible that the young American
+boys, when they saw what those girls next to them could do, said to
+themselves, "Heaven! who would have thought so?"'
+
+Is it not also possible that the young American girls, when they saw
+what those boys next to them could do, exclaimed, 'Good gracious! is
+that all?'
+
+Does not that, to a certain extent, explain to you the respect that
+young boys acquire at school for young girls, and perhaps, also, that
+little mild absence of respect that girls get for boys? I believe there
+is something in it.
+
+Ah, my dear European men, who clamour at the top of your voices for the
+higher education of women, be careful! You will be found out, and, like
+your fellow-men of America, by-and-by you will have to take the
+back-seat.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXV
+
+THE AMERICAN WOMAN--III
+
+    Opinions and impressions--An answer to criticism.
+
+
+Whenever I read a testimonial given to a candidate for some vacant
+post, I invariably take it for granted that the candidate does not
+possess the virtues, attainments, or qualities which are not mentioned
+in that testimonial.
+
+This must have evidently been what that clever American writer, Mrs.
+Winifred Black, thought when she read an article of mine on American
+women which appeared in the Editorial section of the _New York Sunday
+Journal_ some time ago. My admiration for American women is, I think,
+pretty well known to the public, but more particularly to my most
+intimate friends. In that article I said: 'I firmly believe the
+American women to be the most fascinating, the most interesting, and
+the most brilliant women in the world; and I do not see why I could not
+proclaim it from the housetops, if I like, even in America.' And after
+mentioning the respect which woman inspires in American men of all
+classes, the liberty she enjoys, the attentions that are lavished upon
+her, I concluded the article by exclaiming: 'If I could choose again my
+sex and my birthplace, I would shout to the Almighty at the top of my
+voice: "Oh, please make me an American woman!"'
+
+'Now,' exclaims Mrs. Winifred Black, 'look between the words of that
+cleverly constructed sentence, and he who runs may read that Max O'Rell
+means to say in the still small voice of his innermost convictions:
+"Make me anything on earth except an American man!"'
+
+'And,' she goes on, 'our friend is covering himself with well-earned
+glory, telling us all about the American woman. "She is beautiful,
+clever, adored, a queen"; but he does not mention that she is good,
+honest, true, unselfish, loving. Not a syllable about her heart and her
+soul. Do you know why? Because Max O'Rell thinks that the American
+woman has neither heart nor soul.'
+
+Oh, oh! my dear lady, how quickly you set to work and jump at
+conclusions!
+
+Mrs. Winifred Black evidently believes that when I propose the toast,
+'The American ladies--God bless them!' I whisper under my breath all
+the time: 'The gentlemen--God help them!'
+
+Now, madam, let me tell you that this is witty, smart, but not fair
+criticism. If I ever should have the honour of being introduced to you,
+I would say to you: 'When a foreigner attempts to describe the
+character of the people he visits, he either receives impressions, if
+he keeps his eyes fairly well open, or he forms opinions, if he resides
+in that country for a long time or happens to be a born conceited
+idiot. Impressions are not opinions. Impressions mean nothing more than
+this: how a nation strikes a foreigner who pays a short visit to it.
+You see a town for a day, you meet a person for ten minutes. That town,
+that person, has left an impression on you, but you hold no opinion on
+either. I know a charming little book on Denmark, honestly entitled by
+its author, 'A Week in Denmark.' Now, surely you would not expect to
+find in such a book a study of the institutions of Denmark or opinions
+on the idiosyncrasies of the Danish people. You would not expect the
+writer to tell you whether the Danish women have or have not a heart
+and a soul. No, you would expect to find an impression such as the
+following, which I find in that delightful, chatty, and unpretentious
+little volume: 'The Danish women wear the national colours of
+France--blue eyes, white complexion, and red lips.' I have been six
+times in the United States. I have seen the whole continent from New
+York to San Francisco, from British Columbia to Louisiana, but all the
+time I have been on the move, seldom spending two days in the same
+town. How could I form opinions worth repeating?
+
+The qualities which, for instance, I may have discovered in American
+women are superficial ones--I mean outward ones, those that would be
+noticed by the casual visitor--brilliancy, conversational power,
+beautiful figures, attractive, intelligent faces, smartness in dress,
+gait, and carriage. To get at their hearts and their souls, I should
+have to settle in the country, and for years and years live among the
+people.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVI
+
+THE HUSBAND OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN
+
+    The telephone and the ticker--The most useful of domestic
+    animals--Money-making--Loneliness of the women--A reminiscence of
+    Chicago.
+
+
+On the whole, I believe that there is no country where men and women go
+through life together on such equal terms as in France. The wife
+follows her husband everywhere; she is the companion of his pleasures
+as well as of his hardships. She works with him, takes her vacation
+with him, and when they have amassed a little fortune that insures
+independence, they knock off work together and enjoy life quietly for
+the rest of their days. In business, the wife is the clerk of her
+husband, often his cashier, always his partner. She is consulted by him
+in the investment of their savings. It is a little firm--Monsieur,
+Madame and Co.
+
+In England, the wife does not share the hardships of her husband, and
+not always his pleasures. She is seldom consulted in important matters.
+
+What often astonishes us in Europe is to see a crowd of handsome and
+clever women, whom America sends to brighten up society, and who
+reappear in London and Paris every year with the regularity of the
+swallows. The London season, from the beginning of May to July 25, the
+Paris season, from the beginning of April to June 10, are absolutely
+run by them. You meet them everywhere, at dinner-parties, 'At Homes,'
+and the play. You conclude that they must be married, because they are
+styled Mrs. and not Miss, but whether they are wives, widows, or
+divorcees, you rarely think of inquiring, and you go on enjoying their
+society, even their friendship, year after year, without knowing
+whether there exists, somewhere in America, a Mr. So-and-so or not.
+
+It was in America only, on calling on my lady friends whose
+acquaintance I had made in Europe, that I discovered the existence of
+their husbands. I found them very much alive, having for the companions
+of their joys and sorrows the telephone and the ticker.
+
+Now, an impression (not an opinion, much less a conviction) to be
+formed from all this is that the American woman, with all her physical
+beauty and intellectual attainments, is not always a woman whose
+characteristic traits are devotion, unselfishness, and self-sacrifice.
+But it is not her fault if this should be the case, and I have no
+reason to suppose that it is. In a community, woman is what man makes
+her. So long as men's first consideration is business and money-making,
+so long as they consider clubs the proper place to seek relief in from
+the pursuits and hardships of everyday life, so long as wives are
+practically left to themselves to make the best of the long leisures of
+the day, the women will study how best they can arrange for themselves
+a life of comfort, ease and pleasure. Is there any other country where
+you will find women able to enjoy life without the companionship of
+men? They have come to an understanding among themselves. They will
+have lunch, dinner-parties, where no male guest will be seen, and they
+will have a grand time. They try to please each other, and an American
+woman will use as much coquetry to win a woman as a French woman will
+use to win a man. Is there any other country where you see so many
+women's clubs?
+
+Women's clubs? The idea!
+
+Yet that American woman has male friends. She is a delightful chum and
+good fellow, the only woman in the world who can have such male
+friends, 'pals' without the least misconstruction, the least
+objectionable whisperings on the subject. She calls those male friends
+by their Christian names in speaking of them, although she invariably
+mentions her husband as Mr. John B. Smith.
+
+The American men are the most devoted of husbands, but they are not
+under the influence of their women. They indulge them in all their
+whims and luxuries, but their status in life is to be their women's
+husbands--I will not say upper servants, but domestic animals, not
+pets, of undeniable usefulness, who work at the sweat of their brows to
+keep in luxury the most lovely, interesting and expensive womankind in
+the world.
+
+Some years ago, I was spending a Sunday afternoon in the house of a
+young married man in Chicago who, I was told, possessed twenty
+millions. The poor fellow! It was the twenty millions which possessed
+him. He had a most beautiful and interesting wife, and the loveliest
+little girl of three or four years of age that I ever set my eyes on.
+That lovely little girl was kind enough to take to me at once--there's
+no accounting for taste! We had a little flirtation in the distance at
+first. By-and-by, she came toward me, nearer and nearer, then she
+stopped in front of me, and looked at me, hesitating, with her finger
+in her pretty little mouth. I knew what she wanted, and I said to her:
+'That's all right; come on.' She jumped on my knees, settled herself
+comfortably and asked me to tell her stories. I started at once. Now,
+you understand, I was not allowed to stop; but I took breath, and I
+said to her:
+
+'Does not your papa tell you long stories on Sundays?'
+
+That lovely little round face grew sad and quite long.
+
+'Oh no,' she said; 'papa is too tired on Sundays.'
+
+A few weeks after I left Chicago that man was taken ill with a disease
+not uncommon in America, a disease that starts at the top of your head
+and takes two or three years to kill you in a lunatic asylum, among
+drivelling idiots and imbeciles.
+
+A couple of years later, being in Chicago again, I made inquiries and
+learned that the poor fellow was expected to exist a few weeks, perhaps
+a few months longer.
+
+What a pity, I thought, that beautiful woman had not enough influence
+over that good man to stop him!
+
+Do not offer me twenty millions at that price. No twenty millions can
+cure the disease which afflicted that American.
+
+Put a little girl of three on my knees on Sundays, and I will tell her
+stories from sunrise and go on till sunset, even if I thus run the risk
+of being prosecuted by the Lord's Day Observance Society.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVII
+
+PETTICOAT GOVERNMENT
+
+    Description of all the Anglo-Saxon fads.
+
+
+I loathe the domination of woman, but I ever crave for her influence,
+and I believe that any man of refinement and thinking, that any lover
+and admirer of woman, will echo this sentiment.
+
+I know of one country only where the government by woman was given a
+real trial, and that is New Zealand. The law was passed and the
+experiment was made. The law, I believe, had to be repealed after six
+months. The Government had taken such a tyrannical form that that
+loveliest of spots on the earth was on the eve of a revolution, of a
+desperate struggle for liberty.
+
+Things were pretty badly managed in a small Ohio city when I was
+visiting it four years ago. The following year women put up their names
+as candidates for the City Council in every ward, and were all
+returned. They did manage the city. The following year the experiment
+had been made, and not one woman was returned again.
+
+The American men are so busy, so long absent from home, that many of
+their womankind have to find out a way of using the leisure time left
+at their disposal, with results that are not always altogether
+satisfactory. Some devote that time to literature, to the improvement
+of their brilliant native intellect; some spend it in frivolities; some
+indulge in all the fads of Anglo-Saxon life.
+
+The women of good society in America are what they are everywhere
+else--satisfied with their lot, which consists in being the adored
+goddesses of refined households; but there exists in that country among
+the middle--perhaps, what I should call in European parlance, lower
+middle--classes, restless, bumptious, ever-poking-their-noses-everywhere
+women, who are slowly, but surely and safely, transforming that great
+land of liberty into a land of petty, fussy tyranny, and trying--often
+with complete success--to impose on the community fads of every shape
+and form.
+
+If there is one country in the world where the women appear, in the
+eyes of the foreign visitor, to enjoy all manner of privileges and to
+have the men in leading-strings, that country is America. You would
+imagine, therefore, that America should be the last country where the
+New Woman was to be found airing her grievances. Yet she is flourishing
+throughout the length and breadth of that huge continent. She is petted
+by her husband, the most devoted and hardworking of husbands in the
+world; she is literally covered with precious stones by him; she is
+allowed to wear hats that would 'fetch' Paris in carnival time or start
+a panic at a Corpus Christi procession in Paris or a Lord Mayor's Show
+in London; she is the superior of her husband in education and almost
+in every respect; she is surrounded by the most numerous and delicate
+attentions, yet she is not satisfied.
+
+The Anglo-Saxon New Woman is the most ridiculous production of modern
+times, and destined to be the most ghastly failure of the century. She
+is _par excellence_ the woman with a grievance, and self-labelled the
+greatest nuisance of modern society. The New Woman wants to retain all
+the privileges of her sex, and secure besides all those of man; she
+wants to be a man and to remain a woman. She will fail to become a man,
+but she may succeed in ceasing to be a woman.
+
+And now, where is that New Woman to be found? Put together a hundred
+women, intelligent and of good society; take out the beautiful ones;
+then take out the married ones who are loved by their husbands and
+their children, and kindly seek the New Woman among what is left--ugly
+women, old maids, and disappointed and neglected wives.
+
+Woman has no grievance against man. Her only grievance should be, I
+admit, against Nature, which made her different from man, with duties
+different, physically and otherwise, almost always to her disadvantage.
+The world exists and marches on through love. I pity from the bottom of
+my heart the good woman who is not to know the whispers of love of a
+good husband or the caresses of little children, but I am not prepared
+to see life become a burden for her sake.
+
+There is no possibility of denying or ignoring the fact. The purpose,
+the _raison d'etre_, of woman is to be a mother, as the _raison d'etre_
+of a fruit-tree is to bear fruit. And woe to the next generations, for
+everybody knows that _only_ the children of quiet and reposed women are
+healthy and intelligent.
+
+The woman question will only be solved by the partnership in life of
+man and wife, as it exists in France, where, thank God! the New Woman
+is unknown; by the equality of the sexes, but each with different,
+well-defined duties to perform.
+
+The New Woman is not to be found outside of Great Britain, where woman
+is her husband's inferior, and of the United States, where she is his
+superior.
+
+The woman who devotes a good deal of her time to the management of
+public affairs is a woman who is not required to devote much of it to
+private ones.
+
+Show me a woman of forty.
+
+Look on this picture: Eyes bright, beaming with joy and happiness,
+complexion clear, rosy, plump, not a wrinkle, mouth smiling. See her
+lips bearing the imprint of holy kisses, and her neck the mark of her
+little children's arms. She has no grievance. Ask her to join the New
+Woman army. 'No, thanks,' she will say, with a smile of pity; 'the old
+style is good enough for me.'
+
+And on this: Thin, sallow complexion, eyes without lustre, wrinkled,
+mouth sulky, haughty, the disgust of life written on every feature.
+That woman will join the ranks of every organization which aims at
+taking the cup of love away from the lips of every happy being.
+
+But all this might take the shape of a long digression. Let us see how
+some American women devote part of the time which they are not probably
+wanted to devote at home.
+
+I think that of all the grand fads indulged in by some women in
+America, the palm should be given to the compulsory water-drinking
+work. That is a colossal illustration of what women can do when left
+entirely to their own resources.
+
+Now I will lay down as a sort of principle that the 'temperance' woman
+and the teetotaler are not to be found in refined society, and I don't
+think that in saying so I shall run the risk of being contradicted. I
+have often been a guest at the Union Club, the Union League Club, the
+Manhattan, the Century, the Players, and many other good clubs. I have
+dined in the best houses of the great American cities, and nowhere have
+I met teetotalers in those circles of society. Refined, intelligent
+people of good society, artists, literary men, are not teetotalers--that
+will be granted by everybody. I don't mention politicians, even of the
+best class, who have at times to be teetotalers to catch votes in a
+democracy.
+
+The smaller towns of America--and that is America proper--are ruled by
+fussy, interfering faddists, fanatics of all sorts, old women of both
+sexes, shrieking cockatoos, that will by-and-by make life well-nigh
+intolerable to any man of self-respect, and make him wonder whether he
+lives in a free country or not.
+
+Take two lively illustrations. A few years ago I was in the town of
+E---- (Kansas). There was a mayor who was married, and the happy pair
+had a little boy. That little boy was a wicked little boy. One day he
+was caught smoking a cigarette. Now, what should be done by sensible
+parents to such a wicked little boy? Why, he should be turned over and
+given a good hearty--you know. This is not at all what was done. The
+mayor's wife called up a meeting of women, made a violent speech on the
+pernicious habit of cigarette-smoking, and it was decided to petition
+the mayor and ask him to forbid the sale of cigarettes within the
+precincts of his jurisdiction. For the sake of peace and happiness at
+home, the worthy mayor published an edict prohibiting the sale of
+cigarettes in his district. However, cigarettes can be had in the town
+of E----, but you have to walk nearly a mile, just outside the limits
+of the mayor's jurisdiction, to find a store where a roaring trade in
+cigarettes is done. All the same, you must admit that it is a nuisance
+to be obliged to walk a mile in a free country to buy a little article
+of luxury that you indulge in, without ever abusing it, because there
+happens to be in the town a wicked little boy who once smoked a
+cigarette.
+
+When I was in the town of T----(Arkansas), I gave a lecture under the
+auspices of 'temperance' ladies of the city. They called on me.
+
+Being of a rather inquisitive turn of mind, I said to them: 'Now,
+ladies, I understand I am in a prohibition State. How do you account
+for your existence? Do you wish now to advocate the suppression of tea,
+coffee, and ice-water, which, I must say, would go a long way towards
+improving the complexion and the digestive apparatus of your
+compatriots?'
+
+'No,' they said; 'we find that, in spite of the law, there is liquor,
+wine, and beer still sold in this town, and we want to put a stop to
+it.'
+
+I knew that such was the case, for I had, _proh pudor!_ a bottle of
+lager-beer in my pocket which I had bought for my dinner, but which, I
+am glad to say, was not discovered by the ladies under the auspices of
+whom I was to lecture in the evening. I can do with ice-water, but in a
+prohibition State I cannot. The evil spirit prompts me. I must have
+beer or wine with my meals. I have never been drunk in my life; but if
+ever I get drunk it will be in a prohibition State.
+
+'Well,' said the lady president of the temperance society of the town
+of T----, 'could you believe that a few days ago a poor woman of the
+town and her children actually died of starvation, while every day her
+husband got drunk with the wages he received?'
+
+'But,' I mildly suggested, 'you should see that that man was punished,
+not the innocent population of this town. Don't suppress the wine,
+which is a gift of God. Punish--suppress, even, if you like--the
+drunkard. It is not wine that makes a man drunk, it is vice. Don't
+suppress the wine, suppress the vice or the vicious. Imprison a
+drunkard, lynch him, hang, shoot him, quarter him, do what you like
+with him, but allow hundreds of good, wise, temperate people who would
+use wine in moderation to indulge in a habit that makes men moderate,
+cheerful, and happy. Don't suppress wine because a few idiots use it to
+get drunk.'
+
+Every year there are men who use knives to stab fellow-creatures; but
+there are millions who use their knives to eat their meals peacefully
+with. The law punishes the criminals, but would not think of forbidding
+the use of knives in orderly houses.
+
+Any law is bad that punishes, injures, or annoys thousands of good,
+innocent people in order to stop the mischief done by a few--a very
+few, after all--blackguards and scoundrels.
+
+The Anglo-Saxon should, by all means, preach temperance, which means
+moderation, not total abstinence. What they preach overreaches the
+mark, and does no good. When you say that a country enjoys a
+_temperate_ climate, that does not mean that it has no climate at all,
+but enjoys a moderate one, neither too hot nor too cold.
+
+These same Anglo-Saxons should not despise, but admire and envy, those
+who can enjoy, like men of understanding, like gentlemen, the glorious
+gifts of God to man without ever making fools of themselves. For these
+the law should be made.
+
+If your husband or son, dear lady, would like to have a glass of wine
+or beer with his dinner, let him have it in your sweet and wholesome
+presence. Don't make a hypocrite of him. Don't compel him to go and
+hide himself in his club, or, worse, in a saloon, or, worse still,
+don't allow him to go and lose his manhood's dignity by crawling on all
+fours under the counter of a drug-store.
+
+There is no virtue in compulsion. There is virtue only in liberty.
+
+Ah! how I remember admiring in the hot days of blue-ribbonism in
+England that free Briton I once met who had a yellow ribbon in his
+button-hole!
+
+'What's that you have on?' I said to him.
+
+'That's a yellow ribbon,' he replied. 'I belong to the Yellow-Ribbon
+Army.'
+
+'Ah! and what is it the Yellow-Ribbon Army do?' I inquired.
+
+'What do we do?' he said. 'Why, we eat what we likes, we drink what we
+likes, and we don't care a d---- for nobody!'
+
+There are well-meaning, most highly estimable, and talented ladies who
+go about the world preaching temperance--that is to say, total
+abstinence, not moderation.
+
+Now, as a rule, these ladies have special reasons for so doing. Very
+often they have led a life of sorrow and misery with wretched husbands,
+and they should be pitied. But hundreds of thousands of women have good
+husbands who have not to be cured of habits which they never in their
+lives indulged in, and who would be condemned to deny themselves every
+little luxury that helps make life cheerful when used with moderation
+and discretion, if the preachings of these often unfortunate ladies
+were to take the shape of laws.
+
+I have often had to listen to self-confessed reformed drunkards who
+preached to me, who never was once drunk in my life. The thing is
+ludicrous.
+
+There exist, among the Anglo-Saxons, people to whom the strains of
+Wagner and Beethoven's music say absolutely nothing, to whom the Venus
+of Milo is indecent. They declare music wicked, unless it is out of
+tune, dancing absolutely shocking, and the fine arts immoral, and if
+they had their way, they would close the concert-halls and the museums
+on every day of the week. Because their minds are distorted, they would
+condemn people with lofty and artistic minds to never hear a
+masterpiece of music or behold a masterpiece of painting or statuary. I
+have met people who declared they would never again set foot inside the
+walls of the Louvre and of the British Museum. And if the Anglo-Saxon
+fanatics, those arch-enemies of art, make a little more progress, the
+future of that great institution is not safe.
+
+As everybody knows, there exist in Great Britain and in America
+thousands of people who declare the stage to be a most wicked and
+immoral institution. For them a theatre is so contaminated a place that
+they would not go inside one even to hear a Bishop preach a sermon from
+the stage. For instance, in several colonial cities I appeared in the
+principal theatre; but my manager, on a return visit, always made me
+appear in the town-hall, or some other place of the kind, to attract
+the portion of the population who would not have come to hear me
+lecture inside a theatre.
+
+All these movements, headed by women, are in the wrong direction. They
+interfere with the liberties of a great people, and punish thousands
+and thousands of good, orderly, well-behaved people to reach a score or
+two of bad ones, whom they often fail to reach, and oftener still fail
+to cure. I repeat it: There are many thousands of good people in this
+world for a very few thousands of bad ones. The laws should aim at
+reaching the former and protecting them. This world is considerably
+better than the fanatics of all denominations and superstitions would
+make us believe. For seventeen years I have travelled all over the
+world, and I have never met any but honourable people to deal with. For
+instance, I have given 2,300 lectures in my life, and only once did I
+come across a man who behaved dishonestly towards me. He ran away with
+the cash while I was speaking; but then it was on Sunday, and some good
+pious people said to me that Providence, in its wisdom, had punished me
+for my wickedness. I must say that I never could see very clearly why
+Providence, in its wisdom, should have allowed the thief to safely run
+away with the money; but the ways of Providence are inscrutable, and
+its decrees should not be discussed. I might add that the lecture was
+more of a harmless address--almost a little sermon--on the duty of
+cheerfulness; but two or three times it caused the audience to smile,
+and this is simply too awful to think of.
+
+Yes, the world is good, very good, in spite of the calumnies that are
+constantly hurled at its face by the Pharisees of Anglo-Saxondom. Yes,
+full of good men, crammed with good women, and the excellent ladies of
+the philanthropic societies of America should take it for granted that
+there are many, many good and virtuous people besides themselves.
+
+You don't cut down an apple-tree because there are two or three bad
+apples on it. You cut down the two or three bad apples, and all your
+efforts tend to see that the hundreds of good ones are made healthy,
+happy, and comfortable.
+
+I have no hesitation in declaring, after six visits to that great and
+most hospitable country, that the American women of good society are
+probably the most intelligent, bright, and brilliant, and certainly the
+best educated and the most interesting, women in the world.
+
+But when I see what some American women can do in public life, outside
+of the beautiful sphere in which they were intended to reign supreme, I
+feel ready to appreciate and echo the remark that Frederick the Great
+was wont to make when he met a woman alone in the streets of Berlin:
+
+'What are you doing here? Go home and look after your house and your
+children!'
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVIII
+
+THE LIBERTY OF ANGLO-SAXON WOMEN
+
+    The mistakes made by foreigners--Misconstructions--Educational
+    systems--Girls do not lose their charm by independence.
+
+
+Continental men visiting England and the United States do not, as a
+rule, understand the comparative familiarity with which they are
+treated by women to whom they have been properly introduced. They are
+often in danger of misinterpreting their kindness of manner, and
+regarding as affectionate advances or invitations to flirt what are
+meant as only polite attentions.
+
+This awkward error is one into which not only Frenchmen, but all men of
+Continental Europe, are very apt to fall, unless they happen to be men
+of fine perceptions, in other words, perfect gentlemen. Young girls in
+France are kept so much to themselves, and young men are so completely
+separated from them, that when one of the latter finds himself, through
+some accident or fault of supervision, alone in presence of one of the
+former, he feels called upon as a man to make himself particularly
+pleasant, if not actually to make a declaration of love.
+
+Of course, there is not in France anyone, not even the most
+conservative provincial mother, who does not admire, above all in
+America, that sweet liberty which is enjoyed by the women, married or
+unmarried. There is not one of those French mothers who would not like
+to give that same liberty to her own daughters. But how can she? Who
+shall be the first to do it?
+
+It takes many generations to accept such a revolution in a system of
+education. People will have it that this Anglo-Saxon system would never
+do in France. Others even affirm that French people are incapable of
+shaking off perpetual thought of the relations between the sexes; that
+in France men are always thinking about women and women about men--in
+fact, that it is in the blood. The proof that these people are wrong is
+that young men and girls, sons and daughters of French fathers and
+mothers, but educated from a tender age either in England or America,
+do behave absolutely like English or American youths. It is not in the
+blood: the different systems of education alone account for those
+different modes of thought.
+
+And what a difference between the French girls of my boyhood and the
+French girls of the present day! Not that they are yet 'Daisy Millers,'
+but at any rate they are no longer 'Eugenie Grandets.' Thirty years
+ago, a French girl well advanced in her twenties could not have, even
+in the early morning, gone across the street to see a friend or buy a
+pair of gloves without being accompanied by an elderly lady of the
+family or a lady's-maid. Thirty years ago, in my little native Brittany
+town, where a child of tender years would have been absolutely safe, an
+unmarried woman between forty and fifty would always be accompanied by
+a servant, even in daytime.
+
+It was the correct thing to do. Indeed, a woman not married would
+always act in this manner as long as she thought that she was fit to be
+looked at by men. And very few women make up their minds to the loss of
+their charms. It even takes some of them a long time to become aware of
+that loss.
+
+The French girl of thirty years ago, who was only allowed to read
+children's books, and never to set foot inside a theatre, now reads M.
+Zola's novels, and goes to see the plays of Alexandre Dumas fils, and
+as she discusses these plays she comes to the conclusion that they are
+very clever and interesting, but hardly such as to take her mother to.
+
+French women are now getting freer every day, and, with the use of
+liberty, will lose the little defect they sometimes possess--affectation.
+They will become more and more natural and unaffected, and they will
+acquire that most charming and eminently American quality in a
+woman--unconventionality. They are now moving, not in the direction of
+innocent frivolity, but in that of greater independence. The time is
+soon coming when French girls will cease to regard marriage as a sort
+of emancipation, and will perhaps look upon it, as an American lady
+novelist of my acquaintance does, as a rather hard way of making a
+living.
+
+Those French girls will not lose their charms by the enjoyment of
+greater liberty and independence. The American women have thus improved
+theirs.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIX
+
+ENGLISH AND AMERICAN WOMEN HAVE NO LOVE TO SPARE FOR ONE ANOTHER
+
+    England and America are two branches of a family who once
+    quarrelled--For their common interests they may make it up, but
+    there will never be any love lost--There are no such quarrels to
+    patch up as family ones.
+
+
+I have heard a great deal about 'our kith and kin,' 'our cousins across
+the Atlantic,' 'blood is thicker than water,' 'the Anglo-Saxon race,'
+'the English-speaking people,' 'the Anglo-American alliance,' and other
+more or less venerable platitudes with which music-hall managers in
+England have for some time succeeded in bringing down the gallery, on
+Saturday nights especially. I have heard all that, and, in company with
+most Americans, I have laughed in my sleeve.
+
+During their war with Spain, the Americans were grateful for English
+sympathy and moral support.
+
+During the Transvaal War, the English, finding themselves isolated and
+blamed by the whole of Europe, hoped for American sympathy.
+
+'I scratched your back, you scratch mine.'
+
+This sympathy the English did not obtain, or, if they did, in a very
+small measure, and only among the inhabitants of Fifth Avenue and the
+'Four Hundred' of a few large Eastern cities. I was in America for
+three months at the beginning of last year, and everywhere, from New
+York to New Orleans, I found ninety-nine Americans out of every hundred
+sympathizing with the Boers in their plucky and determined struggle for
+liberty and independence. Their skill and bravery appealed to a nation
+who, some hundred years ago, themselves fought successfully for their
+freedom.
+
+Yet, as I had many times the opportunity of telling American audiences,
+'In the Anglo-Boer struggle, it is not the Boers, but the English who
+are fighting for what your ancestors fought for so successfully during
+the War of Independence--the liberty of the citizen and good and honest
+government. I have sympathy for the Boers on account of their ignorant
+patriotism and bravery; but, for the sake of humanity and civilization,
+I hope the English will win.'
+
+It is true that I got applause for this statement, it is true that the
+presidents of many American universities thanked me for putting the
+truth and the facts of the question plainly before the students; but I
+am afraid I made very few converts to the pro-English cause, although I
+believe I was more successful on the platform in America than in
+France, where I got enthusiastically hissed and had several narrow
+escapes of being mobbed for expressing my rather pro-English
+sentiments.
+
+The more charitable of my compatriots said it was only fair for a
+Frenchman who had long enjoyed the hospitality of the English to speak
+well of them abroad. Some went so far as to suggest that I was probably
+in the pay of Mr. Joseph Chamberlain.
+
+However all this may be, my point is this: I don't care what a few
+American millionaires, who prefer England to America, who crawl on all
+fours before the English aristocracy, who would think it beneath their
+dignity to give their daughters to honest Americans, and prefer to get
+some English noblemen's coats-of-arms out of pawn with their daughters
+and their dollars--I say I don't care what these people may say to the
+contrary, my firm conviction, more and more absolute every time that I
+travel throughout the United States, is that there is very little love
+to spare in America for the English people. And this state of things
+will exist as long as the Americans build their patriotism on their
+successes of 1776 and 1812 against the English, and so long as
+school-books published in America teach American children that the
+English are the hereditary foes of their country.
+
+Add also to this that not one-third of the population of the United
+States are of English extraction. The Germans and the Scandinavians are
+not 'kith and kin,' and the Irish are tooth and nail. Now, if you don't
+believe me, let me wish you had been in America, as I was, during the
+Venezuelan squabble, some five years ago, and you will be convinced of
+the truth of my statement.
+
+But I must leave aside all these political considerations, and also the
+question whether American and English men love each other or not, for I
+was very near forgetting that the subject of this chapter is 'What
+American and English _Women_ think of each other.' Here again, as
+in the case of the men, we must not speak of the aristocracy and the
+plutocracy of the two countries. Those people are cosmopolitan;
+besides, they travel and they get rid of their international
+prejudices.
+
+But what about the good, worthy masses of the people, say, at least
+nine-tenths of the populations of America and England?
+
+Well, I should like to tell what I think to be the truth frankly and
+plainly. I am not a rich man--far from it--but I now see my way to
+easily paying my butcher's bills for the rest of my life, and I can
+afford to say what I mean. If you don't like it, and want something
+else, please apply elsewhere for compliments, platitudes, and
+falsehoods.
+
+I am absolutely convinced that most American women despise English
+women, and that most English women cordially hate American women. And
+as it is much more flattering to be hated than to be despised, it is
+the American women who seem to me the better served of the two.
+
+In the eyes of the English women who have not travelled in America or
+had the good fortune of mixing in Europe with the best American women,
+and who, in good womanly fashion, stick fast to their prejudiced
+notions, the daughters of Brother Jonathan are bumptious, vulgar,
+overdressed, loud, assertive, indifferent mothers, selfish wives, bad
+housekeepers, or else unbearable prigs and blue-stockings. And you will
+hear them deliver judgment in a way that seems to admit of no appeal.
+
+In the eyes of the American women who have not lived the home-life of
+the English or mixed with the women of good English society, and who
+have been fed on ideas and opinions given in some American books or
+published in the newspapers of the smaller American cities, the English
+women are silly, sat-upon, ignorant creatures, seedy and dowdy, badly
+shaped, badly dressed, and who can only talk of their babies and their
+servants.
+
+Among that class of women in both countries, the only concessions I
+have heard them make are the following: English women admit that their
+American sisters are freer and smarter than they are, and the American
+women envy the complexion of the daughters of John Bull.
+
+How amiable women can be!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXX
+
+THE WOMAN I HATE
+
+    Women's-righters--Electric fluids--The bearded lady--The
+    first-fiddle--Lady doctors--Lady lawyers--Lady
+    speech-makers--Prominent women--A pretty picture.
+
+
+Ernest Renan, whom nobody would dream of charging with frivolity, said
+that the first duty of woman was to look beautiful. Victor Hugo once
+said that it was to look pleasant. In mythology we find that the gods
+fell in love with Venus, but never with Minerva.
+
+The functions of woman are to inspire and to guide, not to lead or
+command, and I think that the saddest spectacle of the latter end of
+the nineteenth century was the supremely ridiculous efforts made by
+some women to usurp functions which by Nature were intended for men to
+perform. Poor women's-righters! They cannot be men, and they want to
+cease to be women. Men and women are like electric fluids. When of the
+same name, they repel each other; when of different kinds, they attract
+each other. Now, women's-righters are seldom beautiful, very seldom
+attractive. A manly woman is as objectionable a sight as an effeminate
+man. The blue-stockings are mostly of the 'unclaimed blessing'
+sisterhood, and very few of them set up for professional beauties. The
+blue-stocking fascinates me as much as the bearded lady of a Chicago
+dime museum.
+
+When a woman is beautiful, she is generally satisfied with playing a
+woman's part. The tedious women's-righters embrace the thankless career
+of exponents of women's grievances because they have never found
+anything better to embrace. And, for that matter, these excellent
+ladies must not put it into their heads that they have created the
+part, for it existed in the days of Aristophanes. Praxagora was neither
+more nor less ridiculous than most of the present champions of women's
+rights.
+
+I hate the woman who appears in public. I hate the woman who lectures
+in public or in private. I hate the woman who rises to make a speech
+after dinner. I hate the woman who speaks about politics, and would
+like to sit in Parliament so as to transform it into a Chatterment. I
+hate the scientific woman who lectures on evolution or writes on
+natural philosophy. I hate the lady physician, the lady lawyer, the
+lady member of the School Board, the lady preacher, the lady president,
+the lady secretary, the lady reciter, even the lady who conducts an
+orchestra. I hate the prominent woman. And, although I don't see her, I
+hate the woman who writes a book, and feel almost ready to exclaim with
+Alphonse Karr: 'One book more and one woman less!'
+
+Compared to all these, how I love the pretty woman who dresses well,
+smiles pleasantly, parts her hair in the middle, and has never done
+anything in her life! 'Ah!' will exclaim the hateful woman, 'but see,
+she wears the collar of servitude.' Nonsense! The marks that you see on
+her neck are not those of a collar of servitude, but those made by the
+arms of the husband and the children that clasp her round it.
+
+Women, priests, and poultry have never enough, but in wishing to extend
+her empire woman will destroy it.
+
+Now, ladies, what do you want? I hear you constantly loudly demanding
+the emancipation of your sex. You say you can do without us, and as for
+our protection, you'll none of it. For you, in times past, have we
+drawn the sword; to-day you hold us scarce worthy to draw cheques at
+your bidding. You would be man's equal, as if you ought not to be
+content with being incontestably his superior. You have graces of body
+and mind, and men pay you a homage that falls little short of worship.
+Your first duties are to be tender, sweet, and beautiful. You have
+every intention of continuing to be the latter, we have no doubt, but
+you mean to be tender and sweet no longer. In a word, you mean to
+strike, as your sisters did in the good old days of Aristophanes.
+
+'You want to be learned? But you are learned in the heart's lore by
+Nature. You want to be free? But we are your slaves confessed. You want
+to make the laws? But your lightest word is law already. And, besides,
+between ourselves, do you not practically make your husbands vote
+pretty much as you please in all the parliaments of the world? You want
+to have more influence in the higher councils? But are you not
+satisfied with knowing that it was a woman who was the cause of the
+fall of the human race? that a woman has been the cause of every great
+catastrophe, from the Siege of Troy down to the Franco-Prussian War?
+that, in a word, woman has ever inspired our noblest actions and our
+foulest crimes? The rights of woman! What a sonorous platitude!'
+
+You are proud of saying that to your sex belonged Joan of Arc,
+Charlotte Corday, George Sand, George Eliot, Charlotte Bronte, Madame
+Roland, Madame de Stael. Quite true; but could you find many men who
+would have been happy by taking to wife any one of the ladies I have
+just mentioned?
+
+If you give a boy the education of a girl, or a girl the education of a
+boy, the result will be an unsubmissive or degraded being. It is always
+this result which must be reached by all who, believing that they are
+protesting against laws and usages, are really in rebellion against
+Nature. 'I dream of a society,' said Jules Simon, 'where women would be
+the mistresses in their own household, and would figure in public
+affairs only through the intermediary of their fathers and their
+husbands. I would like to sacrifice myself for woman, but not to obey
+her. I repel her domination, but I crave for her influence.'
+
+The name of woman will ever be glorious so long as it is synonymous
+with beauty, tenderness, sweetness, devotion, all the sacred troop of
+virtues. It will be glorious, thanks to the Lucretias, the Penelopes,
+the Cornelias, ancient and modern, the devoted daughters, the loving
+wives, the adorable mothers, to the thousands of obscure heroines, who
+remind us, in the words of the great poet of antiquity, that the best
+women have been those whom the world has heard least of.
+
+The loveliest picture in the world is that which represents a soldier
+lying on the battlefield with a woman kneeling by his side tending his
+wounds. Let the field be that of the everyday battle of life.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXI
+
+THE KIND OF WOMAN I LOVE
+
+    Another answer to critics--Distorted minds--The portrait of a
+    womanly woman.
+
+
+I once wrote an article on 'The Woman I Hate,' which brought me an
+avalanche of letters, not all very pleasing reading. Many of them
+conveyed to me the wrath of viragos, women's-righters, petticoated
+males, trousered females, misunderstood and unclaimed women, ripe,
+spectacled spinsters, cockatoos of all sorts and conditions, who
+happened by the irony of fate and freaks of nature to be born of a sex
+of which they failed to be an ornament.
+
+One of these correspondents accused me of 'possessing a nasty mind' for
+sneering at lady doctors. 'You insult women,' she says. 'Can you
+imagine, for instance, a respectable woman submitting to an examination
+by a man?' My dear lady, I am afraid I must return you the compliment.
+Let me assure you that, just as an artist will see nothing in a female
+figure beyond beauty and perfect harmony of lines, and will admire her
+with as cool a mind as he would a statue, just so a doctor will examine
+a woman as he would a piece of anatomy, and your mind must be fearfully
+distorted and impure, if you imagine for a moment that a single
+objectionable thought will pass through the mind of this man of
+science.
+
+If you really do think so, let me assure you that I pity you, or even
+must despise you, from the bottom of my heart. And, while on this
+subject, allow me to remind you that an eminent American man exclaimed
+only the other day: 'In our country we have a great many female
+doctors, female lawyers, female journalists, female orators, female
+preachers, and females in all classes and professions and trades, but
+what we want is a good many more female women.'
+
+The woman I love is the female woman that I would protect and cherish
+in return for all the sweet attention she would pay me, and which would
+enable me to cheerfully fight the battle of life. How to describe her I
+hardly know.
+
+Should she be beautiful? Not necessarily. Pretty? Yes, rather. Good
+figure? Decidedly. Clever? H'm--yes. Cheerful? By all means. Punctual?
+Like a military man. Serious? Not too much. Frivolous? Yes, just a
+little. Of a scientific turn of mind? B-r-r-r! no; I should shudder at
+the idea of it. Of an artistic nature, then, with literary tastes? Yes,
+certainly. But, above all, a keen, sensible, tactful little woman who
+would make it the business of her life to study me, as I would make it
+the business of my life to study her; a woman who could be in turn,
+according to circumstances, a housewife, a counsellor, a 'pal,' a wife,
+a sweetheart, a nurse, a patient, the sunshine of my life, and always a
+confidante, a friend, and a partner.
+
+In a little Normandy town I have a dear lady friend, Parisienne to the
+core, whom I have known and loved from childhood. She is not far from
+sixty, but, upon my word, I think she is still very beautiful. She was
+in succession a loving, devoted daughter, an excellent wife, and an
+adorable mother. She has now lost all she loved in the world, and she
+devotes her time cultivating a lovely garden of flowers and attending
+all the church services of the parish. A beggar never passes her
+without receiving a little contribution, and she helps many a poor
+family. In a word, the gay life of Paris is all forgotten, and you
+would imagine that my recluse friend was a hermit, a sort of lay nun,
+as it were.
+
+Well, yes, she is all that; but isn't she a woman still, though! 'Do
+you see,' she was saying to me one day, 'I have renounced all my
+worldly ideas? My flowers, my books, my poor friends, that's the only
+thought of my life now. I am old; I don't care how I dress or how I
+look. Anything does for me now. The Parisienne that you used to know,
+my dear friend, is dead and buried.'
+
+'What a charming dress you have on!' I remarked. 'I do admire the
+material and the colour, and the cut, too. And how beautifully made and
+finished! Did you have that made in this town?'
+
+The expression of her face was a study.
+
+'My dear friend,' she exclaimed, 'you do not imagine I would get a
+dress made in this stupid little hole of a town. They make bags here,
+not gowns.' And she almost looked indignant, the dear! at the idea that
+I could suppose she had not her dresses made in Paris. I smiled, and
+said nothing.
+
+And, as I looked at the book-shelves in her boudoir, I saw 'L'Imitation
+de Jesus-Christ.' The volume next to it was 'Les Secrets du Cabinet de
+Toilette.' I could not help making a little sarcastic remark to my dear
+old friend.
+
+'Well, _mon cher ami_,' she said, 'do you think the _bon Dieu_ would
+give me a better reception if I presented myself with a face covered
+with wrinkles? By the way, what is that stuff they make in England
+which you told me is so good for the skin?'
+
+Those little contradictions in a good and delightful woman make her
+lovable. So I think, at any rate.
+
+The woman I love is the woman who possesses all the womanly virtues and
+qualities--sweetness, devotion, reliability. The little failings I
+forgive in her are those of her sex--frivolity and the divine right of
+changing her mind. If in any way woman apes man, she is intolerable and
+hateful.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXII
+
+THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THE WORLD
+
+    The Irish, Hungarian and Spanish women--The beauty of the English
+    and French women--The redeeming feature of every American woman.
+
+
+If I were asked to name the spots of the earth where my eyes had the
+privilege of beholding the most beautiful specimens of womanhood, I
+think I would name the streets of Buda-Pesth and the drawing-rooms of
+Ireland. If, on the other hand, I were asked to say whether there is
+not, perchance, a spot of the earth where no woman is absolutely,
+helplessly plain, where she always has a redeeming feature to speak in
+her favour, I would unhesitatingly answer: 'Yes, the United States of
+America; for in that country, let a woman have as unpleasant a face as
+possible, as bad a figure as "they make them," there is an air of
+independence, a deliberate gait, a pair of intelligent eyes, that will
+go a long way towards making you forget or overlook the shortcomings of
+the body.'
+
+On the whole, I think the Hungarian women are the most beautiful in the
+world. They have the faces of Madonnas and the figures of Greek
+statues; both Raphael and Phidias would have chosen them for models.
+They are not languishing, diaphanous creatures; they are the embodiment
+of health and strength. They stand erect and straight, are hearty and
+vigorous to the core, perfect pictures of abounding vitality. Yet their
+limbs and features are full of delicacy. They have large eyes and small
+feet, full arms, plump hands with small, tapering fingers, and
+delicious ankles. The inclination of the shoulders is perfect, and the
+bosom absolutely classical. No curve is exaggerated, but every one is
+there, the right size in the right place. The sun has spread a reddish
+golden tint, like the colour of a beautiful ripe peach, over her
+complexion.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+She seldom presents a riddle to the psychologist, and effeminate
+ethereal poets do not sing of her. She is the vigorous embodiment of
+sensible womanhood. As her exterior, so her whole character is
+enchantingly fresh and matter-of-fact. She eats well and heartily, and
+is an athlete. She swims, dances, rides, walks. In England, you find
+very pretty faces among the lowest class people; in France, you seldom
+do. In Hungary, grace and beauty know no difference between high and
+low, and often bestow upon a poor, barefooted, short-skirted peasant
+girl (with her beautiful oval face framed in a kerchief tied under her
+chin) the same ravishing form, the same graceful carriage, the same
+magically attractive glance as upon her more favoured sister.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+But who can touch--even approach--the Irish woman with her dark hair,
+her blue, sometimes light purple large eyes, her glorious complexion,
+her soft, velvety skin, her beautiful, graceful form? Sometimes the
+lower portion of the face is a little too long, but her brow is beyond
+competition. The Irish woman is a symphony in white satin. Add to these
+physical attractions the brightness of her expression, the amiability
+of her smile, and you will come to the conclusion that her charm is
+unapproachable.
+
+There is so much patriotism in the world, or, I should rather say, so
+much provincialism, that men all over the earth give the palm for
+beauty to the women of their own country. Now, dear American friends,
+you know this is true. Would any of you deny that the American women
+are the most beautiful women in the world?
+
+I am sorry to say that the beauty of French women is praised by my
+compatriots only.
+
+I am such a cosmopolitan that I have no biassed mind. I have been a
+traveller for thirty years. In 1870 I shed a pint of blood and lost the
+use of my right arm (for military purposes at any rate), so that France
+and myself are quits, and I feel I have a right to express myself on
+French topics quite as freely and independently as on any other
+country. I thoroughly believe that the French women are the most
+charming and certainly the most sensible women (where would France be
+now but for the women?), but they are far from being beautiful. They
+have not the eyes of the Spanish women, nor the complexion and shapely
+figures of the English, nor the brilliant faces of the American women;
+but what makes them charming is that they have a little bit of
+everything, of which they know how to make the best. The French woman
+is an _ensemble_.
+
+It must be admitted that, after praising the women of their own
+country, most men award to Spanish women the palm for beauty. The
+conclusion must naturally be that the Spanish woman is very beautiful;
+but, to my mind, it is a kind of beauty that does not appeal to the
+heart or the soul as it does to the senses. Her large eyes, veiled by
+thick lashes, her delicate nose and well-formed, ever-moving nostrils,
+her undulating form, the suppleness, almost boneless, beautifully
+moulded limbs and figure, her vigour, her languor--every fibre of the
+Spanish woman's body, I say, appeals to the senses. She does not make
+you dream of sentimental walks by moonlight, much less still of a
+quiet, happy life in some retired, secluded little cottage. In her
+company, you would never dream of being mayor of your city and father
+of a numerous family. No, the Spanish woman strikes you as a
+bewitchingly beautiful creature, jealous, sensitive, proud, a sort of
+mixture of lioness and tigress that would suggest to you the idea of
+spending your life sailing on a stormy sea. On looking at her, you
+would almost like to start an acquaintance with a quarrel. If I were
+married to a fair woman of Andalusia, I would feel that the best
+moments of my life would be 'making it up' with her.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+If the law of my country made polygamy compulsory, I would make love to
+an English woman or a fair daughter of Virginia; I would have my house
+kept by a German wife; my artistic inclinations I would trust to a
+French woman; my intellectual ones to an American one. Then, when life
+got a bit dull and I wanted my blood stirred up, I would call on my
+Spanish wife. I would get it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIII
+
+BLONDES AND BRUNETTES
+
+    Characteristics of blondes and brunettes--The _ingenue_ and the
+    villainess--Which of the two do men like better?--Sauterne and
+    Burgundy--I like both--All women cannot afford to be blondes--
+    Blondes with dark eyes--Brunettes with blue eyes.
+
+
+The ideal beautiful woman of the painters is a blonde.
+
+Eve, Venus, Helen of Troy, all the celebrated beauties of antiquity and
+mythology, are invariably represented as blondes.
+
+Only Cleopatra escaped it.
+
+The reason is no doubt that the very colouring of the blonde, her fair
+white skin, her light blue or gray eyes, suggest in her the possession,
+the embodiment of all that is womanly. The blonde is the woman _par
+excellence_.
+
+Some people declare that blondes appeal to the imagination, to the
+heart and to the soul, and brunettes to the senses--that the former are
+sentimental, sweet, modest, good-tempered, obedient, nay, angelical,
+whereas brunettes are strong-minded, assertive, conceited,
+quick-tempered, passionate, often revengeful, and sometimes devilish.
+
+I have known brunettes to be perfect angels, and sweet blondes to be
+perfect little devils, and so have we all.
+
+However this may be, most women desire to be blondes, and the proof of
+it is that, whereas a blonde never dyes her hair black, many brunettes
+dye theirs gold, _blond cendre_, light mahogany, and other hues of the
+blonde family.
+
+On the stage the ladies of the ballet and the chorus wear blonde wigs,
+and the only possible reason to give for this is that managers believe
+they will look more attractive to the audience as blondes than as
+brunettes.
+
+In the modern melodrama, the _ingenue_ is blonde and the adventuress or
+villainess is dark, especially in England and America, where every
+member of the caste has to be well labelled from the beginning. If the
+villainess were a blonde, the gallery would take her for the heroine,
+and things would get terribly mixed. The gallery would no more
+understand a blonde villainess than they could take for a villain a man
+who did not wear a chimney-top hat and patent leather boots, smoke a
+cigarette, squint all the time to the right and to the left, and hiss
+like a snake every time he took breath.
+
+Poets are quite as partial as artists to blondes. Alfred de Musset sang
+of her who was _blonde comme les bles_. Petrarch's sonnets were
+addressed to the blonde and blue-eyed Laura. The ancient Greeks used to
+call young blondes 'children of the gods.' For that matter, blondes
+especially appeal to the men of the south on account of their rarity.
+
+Large, dreamy blue eyes, fair and soft skin, dainty features, slender
+figure, such are the characteristics of the blonde which help to make
+her the ideal young girl; but there is another beauty besides that of
+the young girl, it is the beauty of the full-grown woman of thirty to
+forty, a beauty that you will find oftener in the brunette than in the
+blonde, a beauty more piquant, more solid, and more lasting; but I know
+brunettes of thirty who are _passees_, and blondes of forty who are
+beautiful. You cannot lay down any rule.
+
+Did I hear you ask me which I prefer? How can you ask such a question?
+How can any man answer it? Good light sauterne is an exquisite wine;
+full-bodied Burgundy is a most excellent beverage.
+
+I like both.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+It is not every woman who can afford to be a blonde. If I were a rich
+woman of leisure, I think I would ask to be a blonde. The blonde
+requires much more care than the brunette. She has to avoid exposure,
+and her beauty will last only as long as her appearance remains
+youthful. The brunette does not suffer from exposure; on the contrary,
+the sun improves her beauty as it does peaches.
+
+In northern countries you very seldom see a pretty woman among the
+working classes; they are faded, wrinkled or freckled, and lack
+expression.
+
+In Italy and Spain you see, in the streets, flower-girls and
+fruit-sellers who could have given sittings to Raphael and Murillo.
+
+But I will tell you what I like, although you do not ask me, and that
+is a blonde with brown eyes or, better still, a fine, tall brunette
+with dark-blue eyes and the fine delicate skin of a blonde; and, if you
+want to see the latter, go to Ireland, you will find her there in
+plenty.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIV
+
+FLIRTS AND COQUETTES
+
+    The difference between the two--Points of resemblance.
+
+
+There is a great difference between the flirt and the coquette. The
+flirt accepts, even invites, your attentions, without expecting
+intentions. The coquette is a woman who gives you a promissory note
+with a firm intention of dishonouring her signature. Just as the prude
+often says No when she means Yes, the coquette whispers Yes all the
+time meaning No. The flirt promises nothing. She has nothing to refuse,
+because she does not allow you to ask for anything. She does not
+compromise herself in any way. She says neither Yes nor No. She
+encourages you to go on. You say to yourself, 'Will it be Yes or No?
+Who knows? Perhaps Yes, perhaps No.'
+
+The coquette is generally a cold-hearted, cold-blooded woman, as
+perfectly sure of herself as those famous Mexican horsemen who can ride
+at full speed toward a precipice and stop suddenly dead on the edge of
+it. The coquette has no capacity for love; she does not seek love, but
+admiration and homage only. Unlike the flirt, she lacks cheerfulness
+and humour. To obtain admiration and boast of a new conquest she will
+risk even her reputation, compromise herself; yet her virtue is in safe
+keeping, for she has neither heart nor passion. In the comedy of love
+the coquette is the villain of the play.
+
+The coquette uses man as she does her dresses: she likes to be seen
+with a new one every day. She kills for the sake of killing. She hunts,
+but does not eat the game she brings down. She plays on man's vanity to
+satisfy hers. The moment she has received a man's homage she will leave
+him to occupy herself with one who has refused it to her. She is dull
+and dreary. She may be as beautiful as you like, she is never lovable.
+She should be shunned like the card-sharper, whom she resembles all the
+more that against your good money she has nothing but counterfeit coin.
+
+The flirt, on the contrary, is cheerful, jolly, often full of fun, and
+if you can make up your mind to accept her for what she is worth, she
+may help you pass a very pleasant time. She is not serious, and she
+does not want you to take her seriously. She is honest. She wants fun,
+innocent fun. The coquette tries to lead you as far as she wishes you
+to go; the flirt does not lead you any further than you wish to go. And
+it may be added that, while flirts have often been known to make very
+good wives, coquettes have invariably proved detestable ones.
+
+Winthrop was helplessly wrong when he said, 'A woman without coquetry
+is as insipid as a rose without scent, champagne without sparkle, or
+corned beef without mustard,' unless he meant (which he did not) to use
+the French adjective, and not the noun, and say that a coquette is a
+woman who, by the care she bestows on her dress and general appearance
+and many other ways, knows how to make herself attractive and show
+herself in the most advantageous light.
+
+The French language expresses the difference to a nicety. The word as
+an adjective is complimentary, but certainly not as a noun. _Elle est
+coquette_ means 'she dresses very elegantly, and has very winning
+manners,' whereas _C'est une coquette_ means 'she is a coquette,' that
+is to say, 'she tries to fascinate for the mere sake of fascinating.'
+
+The coquette plays on man's vanity and makes a fool of him. The flirt
+displays her accomplishments and personal charms either to make you
+have a pleasant time with her, or, when more serious, to lead you on to
+an offer of marriage, which she will honestly accept, often with the
+best results for yourself.
+
+It is only when you say of a woman that she is a 'desperate flirt' that
+you may come to the conclusion that she is a coquette. Of course, when
+the flirt is a married woman, she is a coquette; but when she is a
+young girl, I would call her a very harmless person. On the other hand,
+in opposition to that epithet of harmless, the adjective that is most
+commonly coupled with the word 'coquette' is not 'harmless,' but
+'heartless.'
+
+The word 'flirt' comes from the French _fleureter_, which means to
+go from flower to flower, to touch lightly; but although the word is of
+French origin, the thing itself is not French. Flirtation is a pastime
+which is most essentially English. We do not flirt in France; we are
+more serious than that in love-affairs. After all, flirtation is
+trifling with love, and that game would be a dangerous one to play with
+a Frenchman. A woman who flirts would pass in France for giddy, if not
+worse. She knows her countryman well, and is aware what she would
+expose herself to if she flirted with him.
+
+The English girl in flirting does not play with fire. Englishmen are
+reserved, cold. The customs of the country grant liberty to the women,
+and they accept flirtation for what it is worth. The worst they might
+say of a girl who flirted with them would be, 'She is an awful flirt,'
+with a mixed expression of pity and contempt. An English girl who has
+had a good time at a party, a picnic, a ball, can say, 'I have had such
+a flirtation!' Why, she could say that to her own mother, and if that
+mother was still fairly young and good-looking, she might answer, 'And
+so have I.'
+
+I take the American woman to be too intelligent--I had almost said too
+intellectual--to enjoy that childish pastime.
+
+I hate the coquette and somewhat pity, if not despise, the flirt. I
+love straightforwardness. I admire that woman who blooms in the shade,
+who is earnest in her affections, and who waits until she is in love to
+allow the curtain to rise; then who honestly, devotedly,
+straightforwardly, goes through the whole comedy.
+
+In everything I hate imitations. If I cannot get the real article, I do
+without it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXV
+
+WHAT IS A PERFECT LADY?
+
+    'Am I the man as wants a gentleman to drive him?'--How can you tell
+    a lady?--A lady is a woman who adds to the virtues of a woman the
+    qualities of a gentleman.
+
+
+In a clever article, Lady Violet Greville recently asked, 'What is a
+lady?'
+
+A friend of mine was once asked in New York by a coachman if he was
+'the man as wanted a gentleman to drive him.'
+
+I was myself told once by a negro hotel-porter, whom I had asked a
+question about some baggage of mine, to apply 'to that gen'l'man over
+there'--another negro porter.
+
+A lady friend of mine who visits the poor of her district once called
+at a tenement house to inquire after a poor woman who was ill. The
+woman who answered the door shouted to someone upstairs: 'Will you tell
+the lady on the second floor that a young person from the district has
+called to see her?'
+
+A lady acquaintance, who once happened to be alone in her home with a
+maid who was ill, out of consideration for that girl, went herself to
+open the door to a friend she had seen go up the steps of her house, so
+as to save the maid the trouble of coming upstairs. The following day
+that maid told a servant next door that 'her mistress was no lady,' as
+she answered her door herself.
+
+'What is a lady?' asks Lady Violet Greville.
+
+Well, it is hard to tell in these democratic days, when every class
+strives to ape the others above, when all people are equal to their
+superiors and superior to their equals.
+
+With the modern extravagance in dress, the boisterous hats, the
+outrageously _decollete_ dresses in restaurants and other public
+places, the cigarette-smoking, the card-playing for high stakes, and
+what not, I shall feel inclined to answer: 'You can tell a lady by the
+efforts she makes to be taken for--anything but a lady.'
+
+Every class of society has its own definition of a lady. To the
+inhabitants of the slums it is a woman who stops her nose when in
+contact with them; to servants, it is one who does not do a stroke of
+work in her house, pays their wages regularly, throws at them her
+left-off clothes, and treats them like dirt; to tradespeople, it is one
+who pays cash for what she buys; for dressmakers and milliners, it is a
+woman who never bargains, and is known never to wear her gowns and hats
+more than half a dozen times.
+
+What is that new supreme desire to pass for a lady?
+
+'It proceeds purely,' said Lady Violet Greville, 'from a wish to
+imitate; it is vulgarity pure and simple.
+
+'It is the aspiration after gentility, the longing to appear what we
+are not, the desire of the fly for the dinner-lamp.
+
+'It is the natural consequence of the religion of the Anglo-Saxon
+race--make-believe.
+
+'A real lady's existence,' continues her ladyship, 'seems to outsiders
+to be all sweetness, and passed in a land of milk and honey; whereas,
+in reality, could her poor, crawling admirers realize it, the modern
+lady's life is a compound of hard work, exhausting excitement, anxious
+ease, and infinite disillusion. To begin with, she is often poorer than
+her prosperous neighbour, compelled to practise petty and galling
+economies, travel second class, wear cleaned gloves, and spend
+unpleasant moments in street-cars and omnibuses. It is the vulgar
+_nouveaux riches_ who own the carriages, the horses, the jewels, and
+the money.'
+
+Yet the vulgar rich may be as lavish as they please, may throw gold out
+of the windows, give a small fortune for their horses and carriages,
+they have not enough money to buy what that lady possesses, her
+delicacy and refinement. Even their servants know that, for they can
+take the measure of the mushroom nobility to a T.
+
+In a few years more, no doubt, the word 'lady,' entirely divested of
+the original meaning, far away buried in the mists of time, will merely
+be the equivalent of the feminine gender, the female of the male, and
+then the gentler bred and wiser of the sex will exult in bravely
+calling themselves women. And they will be right. 'A perfect woman'
+sounds to my ears far more sweetly than 'a perfect lady.' There is no
+misunderstanding about the former. 'I am not an angel,' says an
+_ingenue_ to her _fiance_ in some French play, the name of which now
+escapes me; 'don't expect too much from me. I am only a woman.' A
+woman--only a woman. Heavens! that is good enough for anybody!
+
+Lady Violet Greville concludes her clever article by a beautiful
+definition of a lady:
+
+'The real lady settles her debts, does not forget her liabilities,
+would as soon cheat as commit murder, and actually considers an
+engagement a binding duty. She has a soft voice and a pleasant manner;
+she is the daughter of evolution and the survival of the fittest. If
+she has nerves, she does not show them. She has courage of the finest
+sort, the courage of her opinions and the moral courage to deny
+herself.'
+
+I feel almost inclined to draw myself up, and say of the real lady: 'In
+short, she possesses all the qualities that make up a gentleman.'
+
+Tell me, ladies, if this is not just like a man.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXVI
+
+MAMMIES AND GRANNIES
+
+    Cupboard love--Every kind of love is more or less selfish except
+    maternal love--Maternal love over-rated--If you never had a
+    grannie, do get one--Reminiscences of grannies--A sacrifice--
+    Grannies are not at all prejudiced in favour of their grandchildren.
+
+
+Every kind of love is more or less cupboard love. I mean to say that
+love, whatever form it may assume, requires, or, at any rate, expects,
+some equivalent for it in return in the shape of affection, happiness,
+or pleasure. I only make one exception in favour of maternal love. The
+most loving sweetheart, husband, wife, or child expects to be loved,
+almost demands it. The loving mother expects nothing, demands nothing.
+
+A mother will love her child, however bad that child may be, however
+unloving and ungrateful, whatever unhappiness and even sorrow he or she
+may cause to her. A mother will love and bless a child whom the whole
+world has condemned. A mother's love and forgiveness will follow a
+child to the scaffold. There is no limit to it. It is infinite.
+
+Maternal love, far above others, is the very sentiment that keeps us in
+touch with heaven. It is the only holy love.
+
+And that love is so inborn in woman that you see it already written on
+the face of the little girl who plays with her doll. It is so inborn in
+woman that I find something incongruous in such a remark as, 'She was a
+good and loving mother!' All mothers are good and loving. All rules
+have exceptions, but this one has none.
+
+Therefore it is no extraordinary testimonial for a woman to be fond of
+her children, because all mothers are fond of their children and good
+to them, even the fiercest and cruellest of animals. The feeling is
+given to them by Nature. We all profit by it, we are all happier for
+it. For being able to dispense maternal love, woman is to be admired
+and blessed, but not congratulated. A child is part and parcel of a
+mother. In loving her child, a woman loves part of herself. It is not
+selfishness, but, somehow, a little self-love. In her love for her
+child, whether returned or not, she finds happiness.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+But for disinterestedness, never mind mammie: give me grannie's love.
+God ought to spare grandmammas; they never ought to die, the dear,
+lovely grannies!
+
+'Haven't you a grandma?' once asked a little boy of another. 'No? Well,
+you should get one!' True, no child should be without one.
+
+Victor Hugo said he submitted to one tyranny only, that of children.
+The author of 'The Art of being Grandfather' was right: that tyranny
+ought not only to be submitted to, but proclaimed. And who better than
+a grandmother will submit to the tyranny of a child? The sacrifices
+they will be capable of are superhuman, epic. I know one who charms
+away the last days of her life by a dainty little supper of biscuit and
+cream-cheese brought to her every day. She never now comes down in the
+evening, and that frugal repast is taken up to her when dinner is about
+over.
+
+Her little granddaughter once came up to her room crying bitterly. She
+was in disgrace, and had been sent away from table before the
+appearance of the pudding.
+
+'Grannie,' she said, 'I am not to have any pudding; you ought not to
+have your cream-cheese.'
+
+'But, darling,' pleaded grandmamma, throwing a loving glance at the
+little dish of her predilection, 'I haven't been naughty.'
+
+'Never mind; you ought not to have any when your little girl cannot
+have any pudding.' And the little tyrant cried more bitterly than ever.
+
+Grannie rang the bell, ordered the favourite cream-cheese to be taken
+away, and, drying the little girl's tears, supped that night off a bit
+of bread-and-butter.
+
+Antiquity has not recorded anything like it.
+
+People say that mothers are prejudiced in favour of their children. Of
+course they are. We are all of us prejudiced in favour of what belongs
+to us, especially if it is of our own manufacture. But for the opinion
+held of a child, give me grannie's--that is sublime.
+
+Once a lady of my acquaintance, on a visit to her mother, was in the
+drawing-room with her own little girl on her knees. Grandmamma, in
+ecstasy, was worshipping baby, challenging the world to produce such
+another. A lady called, took some notice of the child, and talked a
+great deal about her own baby, a great deal too much to please
+grandmamma, at any rate. When the visitor had gone, the dear old lady
+gave expression to her feelings:
+
+'How silly women are, to be sure! Did you hear that woman talk and talk
+about her child? Good heavens! one would imagine, to hear her praise
+her baby, that there was no such a one in the world.'
+
+And she laughed heartily at the presumption of that silly, conceited
+young mother.
+
+'But, grandmamma,' quickly said my lady friend, 'you must forgive her.
+I have heard you many times declare that this, our baby, was by far the
+best and finest the world has ever seen.'
+
+'Ah, my dear,' replied grannie, not in the least disconcerted and in
+absolute earnestness, 'that's _quite_ different. In our case it's
+the truth, and no one could deny it.'
+
+Certainly not! Who would dare?
+
+The love of a grandmother, with its delightful weaknesses, with that
+complete collapse of all power of resistance to a child, is no sign of
+senility; it is only the love of a mother multiplied by two.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXVII
+
+ON MOTHERS-IN-LAW
+
+    How to deal with them--Difference between a misfortune and an
+    accident--'That will spoil the whole thing'--Shoot her!
+
+
+Adam, they say, must have been a happy man: he had no mother-in-law.
+
+I once heard a Frenchman give the following definition of the
+difference that exists between an accident and a misfortune. Suppose
+you walk along the bank of a river in the company of your
+mother-in-law. If she should fall into the water and be drowned, it is
+an accident; if she fall into the water and be pulled out alive, it is
+a misfortune.
+
+The mother-in-law is not dreaded in England. An English mother has no
+authority over her son: how could she dream of having any over a
+son-in-law? The mother-in-law is an object of terror in France, where
+the ascendancy of woman over man is a powerful factor in the social
+life of the country.
+
+The French woman leads her husband by the nose, and her sons are
+submissive to her as long as they remain unmarried, and even when they
+are married they remain more or less under her influence until she
+dies. That French mother is queen at home, and when she sees that her
+daughter has started an establishment of her own, she generally at once
+goes there to settle for a little while, sometimes for a long while, to
+put her daughter up to a few points about the management of man.
+
+That often causes difficulties and spoils the game; but as nine times
+out of ten the young wife will take her mother's part in any little
+unpleasantness that may arise, the husband submits. He knows that the
+mother-in-law is the drawback of matrimony. He has taken his wife for
+better and for worse, and 'worse' includes mamma. The bargain is fair.
+He has signed, and he honours his signature. Besides, he has a
+consolation, that of knowing that his mother-in-law will give his wife
+plenty of good and useful advice on housekeeping, teach her economy,
+and be ever ready to come to her help in times of need.
+
+I know very little of private life in America, but I know, at all
+events, the supremacy of woman in social and family life, and,
+therefore, I should feel inclined to suspect the American mother-in-law
+to be as unpopular as the French one. The most striking point of
+resemblance between America and France is the way in which women treat
+men and are treated by them.
+
+Was it not in America that I heard the following story? A man enjoyed
+the possession of a beautiful and loving wife and a very uncongenial
+mother-in-law. The latter fell ill, and her daughter went to nurse her.
+At last the husband one day received the following telegram: 'Mother
+dead; shall we have her embalmed, cremated, or buried?' The husband
+wired back: 'Do the three; take no chance.'
+
+How like the following, which is French: A man loses his wife. As the
+funeral is about to leave the house he is ushered into the first
+mourning-carriage. His mother-in-law is there. 'I cannot, I will not go
+in that carriage!' he exclaims. 'My mother-in-law is in it.' 'But you
+must,' he is told; 'you are the husband of the corpse.' 'Must I?' he
+says. 'Well, if I must I will, but it will spoil the whole thing.'
+
+I have always wondered how it is that men so much complain of their
+mothers-in-law and that women so seldom do. Poor, dear little women!
+They do have mothers-in-law, too--mothers-in-law to find fault with
+their housekeeping, and to remind them that before they married their
+sons were attended at home by most devoted sisters. The mother-in-law
+of a man, no doubt, is often in the way. You sometimes wish she was not
+there, but with a little diplomacy you can manage her, and even get rid
+of her.
+
+I recommend the following plan; it proved a big success with a friend
+of mine. A short time after his marriage his mother-in-law arrived and
+installed herself in his house. My friend welcomed her, and lavished
+the most assiduous attentions upon her. He was not a church-goer; he
+went to church, and insisted on carrying the excellent lady's books of
+devotion. When a walk was taken, it was to her he offered his arm.
+'Your mother is old,' he said to his wife, 'and so kind, too! I am
+getting awfully fond of her.' In the evening, after his wife had
+retired, he sat up with his mother-in-law and took a hand at piquet. At
+the end of the week the mamma-in-law had vanished as if by magic. The
+young and neglected wife had managed the affair.
+
+But for a woman to get rid of her mother-in-law I am afraid I have no
+advice to offer, not even that offered by the greatest French
+dramatist, Victorien Sardou, who says in that delightful play
+'Seraphine': 'If ever you have to choose between living with your
+mother-in-law or shooting yourself, do not hesitate a single
+moment--shoot her.'
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXVIII
+
+ON WIDOWS
+
+    Women do have grievances--Various specimens of widows--The jolly
+    widow--The inconsolate widow--The plump widow--Marriageable
+    widows--Mourning and black--Last wills and testaments--How long
+    should a widow mourn her husband?--'You should have seen me
+    yesterday!'
+
+
+Mothers-in-law are for ever a target for men's sarcasms. Stepmothers
+are supposed to be the embodiment of everything that is mean. On the
+other hand, I have never heard fathers-in-law turned into ridicule, and
+stepfathers are invariably painted by novelists as unselfish, devoted
+men who come to the rescue of widows, and help them to bring up their
+children in comfort and happiness.
+
+Poor women do have grievances, and no mistake!
+
+And the widows--oh, the widows! Now, what have they done that they
+should be the butts for the jokes that are made at their expense? Why
+should they provoke the sarcasms and excite the scorn of men instead of
+their pity or, at all events, their kind sympathy?
+
+If a widow's grief is great and she wears the deepest mourning, she is
+called an 'inconsolable, desolate widow,' and people smile, saying with
+a sneer: 'She will soon be cured.' If she bears up bravely and well,
+she is called a 'jolly widow,' and people say: 'She is already better.'
+If she remains amiable and attractive, she is immediately baptized a
+'wily widow,' and if her good constitution is such that even her
+sorrows and worries do not make her get thin, but the contrary, she is
+called a 'plump widow,' and people wink. And all the time the widower
+escapes scot-free. Men respect his sadness, are prepared to write odes
+about him if he remain faithful to the memory of his wife, and send him
+hearty congratulations if he remarry. Never a smile; no sarcasm, no
+scorn!
+
+What awful cowards men are! And what surpasses me is that, as a rule,
+women are to be found who join them in all the jovial remarks that are
+passed on widows.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+However, widows are not altogether without their revenge. They get many
+advantages. They have the best of young girls in the matrimonial
+market. The most-courted woman in the world is the rich young widow.
+She has a fascination that very few unmarried women possess, and many
+men prefer her. Why? Don't ask me. Widows know the world, have
+experience in dealing with men. There are teachers, destitute of
+patience, who prefer advanced pupils to beginners. Mere laziness, my
+dear friends, nothing else!
+
+Men are so conceited, too! If they were not, how would they dare marry
+a widow and constantly run the risk of being found far less loving,
+pleasant, and attractive than number one was? It is true that if, after
+a quarrel, a man's wife should exclaim, 'How I do regret my first
+husband!' he would have a chance to cure her of that expression, by
+remarking quietly: 'My dear, you will never regret him as much as I
+do!' But all this does not suggest to the mind a happy condition of
+matrimonial affairs.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Widows are less marriageable in England than in other countries, for
+this reason: that their husbands, in their wills, almost invariably
+stipulate that they leave so much to their wives on the condition that
+they will not remarry. If they do, they forfeit everything. Of course,
+to a certain extent, I understand that a man does not feel anxious to
+know that if, by his industry and carefulness, he has succeeded in
+amassing a plump little fortune, Smith, Brown, or Robinson will one day
+enjoy it in the company of his wife. Still, why not? What does it
+matter? If his wife has been good to him and she is still young when he
+dies, why should he condemn her to solitude for the rest of her days?
+What good does it do to him, when he is under the grass, to have his
+wife lonely and miserable? If I were a woman ever so fond of my
+husband, I would so much resent that stipulation that I would tear his
+will in pieces and marry the first respectable and attractive man who
+sought my hand.
+
+Compared to the Englishman who makes such a will, how I admire that
+Frenchman who penned the following one: 'I leave to my dear wife, for
+her sole and absolute use, everything I possess and everything I may
+become possessed of. She may remain a widow or remarry, just as she
+pleases. I am not afraid of competition!' I cannot help thinking that
+this is the proper way to treat a woman who has been a true friend to
+you, the partaker of your pleasures, of your joys and sorrows, and
+that, on leaving her, you may as well pay her the compliment of taking
+it for granted that she will know what is best for her and act
+accordingly.
+
+In France, a widow wears deep mourning for her husband during a year,
+and half mourning during another year. Many a French widow wears
+mourning during her lifetime. For that matter, there is no country in
+the world where mourning is worn so long as in France, in the provinces
+especially, where half the population is in black for somebody or
+other. This outside show of grief may be exaggerated, for real mourning
+is worn in the heart, not in the clothes; yet if a French widow in a
+small provincial town should shorten her widow's veil by an inch,
+people would say: 'If she never cared for her husband, she might have
+the decency not to advertise the fact and fish already for another!'
+And you have to conform to the usages of a country, especially when you
+live in one which, like provincial France, is built of glass houses.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+How long should a widow mourn the loss of her husband?
+
+Two days after the funeral of her husband, a young widow received the
+visit of a friend, who remarked, on seeing the sadness engraven on her
+face:
+
+'Poor dear! how sad, how haggard you look!'
+
+'Ah, dear, that's nothing,' sighed the young widow; 'you should have
+seen me yesterday!'
+
+As a rule husbands are mourned as long as they deserve.
+
+And so are we all.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIX
+
+ON OLD MAIDS
+
+    Different types of old maids--Many of them are undisguised
+    blessings--Few men are good enough for women--Old bachelors and old
+    maids.
+
+
+Next to the mother-in-law, the stepmother, and the widow, it is the old
+maid who comes in for the largest share of scorn and sarcasm, and this
+is all the more mean that, nine times out of ten, she is not
+responsible for her position. The more generous-minded call her
+'unclaimed blessing,' but many are found, women amongst them, who
+whisper 'Cat!' And all this is perhaps nothing compared to 'ancient
+spinster.'
+
+I cannot help thinking, however, that feelings of quite a different
+nature ought to be entertained towards the old maid. If it is owing to
+her bad looks or her poverty that her hand has not been sought, or if
+she was once engaged to be married and then jilted and disgusted out of
+all idea of ever marrying, she should be pitied. If she has had offers
+of marriage and has declined them, she should be respected for not
+having married a man she could not love. If she was once engaged, and
+her lover died, she should be admired for wishing to remain faithful to
+his memory. If she simply wished to remain free and independent and use
+her fortune, as many old maids do, in philanthropic work, she should be
+blessed. If she refused to accept matrimony as a means of livelihood
+(the hardest and most thankless of all), her example should be
+followed. And, finally, if there do exist old maids crabby, sulky,
+peevish, selfish, and with all the other defects that are generally and
+most ungenerously attributed to old maids, they should be thanked by a
+grateful community for having spared men the risk of leading with them
+a life of wretchedness and misery.
+
+I am of opinion that old maids and widows should inspire nothing but
+generous feelings of sympathy in the heart of man. Old maids are the
+wallflowers of that great dancing-party which is called Life. Let men
+who have overlooked them and women who have found partners be
+charitable, and let men whom they declined to associate with in the
+bonds of matrimony be gentlemanly, manly enough to take no mean revenge
+by scorning them.
+
+No doubt there are despicable old maids--women who shirk all their
+duties in life, and on whom not even a dog or a parrot depends for its
+happiness, but they are the great exception, and for selfishness and
+self-indulgence I should decidedly feel inclined to give the palm to
+old bachelors. Some old maids are the comfort of parents in their old
+age, others are the devoted mothers of brothers' and sisters' children,
+while others are the friends of the poor and the nurses of the sick.
+
+A great prejudice on the subject of old maids is that they are poor
+forlorn creatures, who spend their lives wailing and mourning over the
+absence of that man who never proposed. There is nothing to mourn over
+in that. It is no loss, nothing to regret; not more than one man out of
+ten is worth having. Most old maids ought to spend their lives in glee
+and gratitude for a narrow escape. I know very little about women, but
+I am afraid I do a great deal about men, and it is my firm conviction,
+and I will express it with all the frankness, all the brutality I am
+capable of, that there are very few men indeed who are good enough for
+women.
+
+I know of nothing more pleasant than the company of a jolly,
+broad-minded, intelligent old maid, who knows that she can let herself
+'go' and be a good 'pal' to you, without running the risk of hearing
+remarks passed of a more or less objectionable character. I know of
+nothing more enjoyable than the pleasure of such an old maid's company.
+I count old maids among my most cheerful and companionable friends.
+
+The old bachelor is a social failure, a sort of rebellious outcast, who
+ought to pay an income-tax of ten shillings in the pound. But the old
+maid who is bright, clever, cheerful, generous, charitable, hospitable,
+is an ornament to society and one of its most useful members.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XL
+
+SHOULD PEOPLE REMARRY?
+
+    The excuse most people give for remarrying--St. Peter's opinion of
+    men who have been married more than once--Stepmothers.
+
+
+In some countries of the Far East the question has been settled, so far
+as women are concerned: they burn their widows. In many places much
+nearer home it is not unfrequent to hear the opinion expressed that
+widows should be disposed of as in Malabar. Our genial friend Mr. Sam
+Weller, senior, entertained, on the subject, views which did not much
+differ from those of the sages of Malabar.
+
+In the case of widowers I should feel inclined to answer the question
+in the negative. If you have been happy in your first marriage, do not
+risk comparisons which might be odious. If you have been unhappy, do
+not ask for a second dose. In both cases, therefore, I come to the
+conclusion that the answer should be, Don't!
+
+People who remarry, men or women, have invariably the same excuse. They
+apologize by saying that they take the important step for their
+children's sake. If they were to follow their own inclination, they
+would spend the rest of their natural lives weeping over the graves of
+the beloved defunct, but they must not be selfish and think of
+themselves alone, they must remember that they have children who depend
+on them for their welfare, and they are ready to do their duty and
+sacrifice their own inclinations and feelings. The devotion of which
+the human heart is capable, man's especially, will save the race from
+oblivion when it is gone from the earth.
+
+A widower who remarries invariably reminds his friends that children
+should be brought up under the sweet and beneficial care of a woman,
+and he tells them that he remarries to give a mother to his dear little
+ones--nine times out of ten an indifferent one, and not unfrequently a
+bad one. If he has no children, he says he is so lonely that he must
+have a companion, also a housekeeper, and he gives you to understand
+that all this is 'en tout bien, tout honneur.' And he says it to his
+friends, and he repeats it to himself so often that he finishes by
+believing it is so.
+
+The widow with children will tell you that she cannot support her
+children and that she wants a protector for them and for herself. And
+she often speaks the truth. At any rate, if you listen to them all, not
+one will ever tell you frankly that he remarries because he has fallen
+in love with a woman, and she because she has met a man who appeals to
+her fancy. When people apologize for what they do, I always suspect
+them of having done something of which they are not particularly proud,
+if not absolutely ashamed.
+
+No man has ever been in the next world and returned to earth to tell
+his fellow-creatures what he saw there except Lazarus; but his
+contemporaries neglected to interview him, and we are as much in the
+dark on the subject as if he had never left his grave. However, there
+is a rumour, in Catholic countries at all events, that St. Peter admits
+all married men, without any other qualification than the fact that
+they were married and, therefore, had their purgatory on earth, but
+that he invariably and rigorously turns out any man who has been
+married more than once. It is said that, when they protest, suggesting
+that if he lets in men who have been married once and have thus had
+their purifying martyrdom on earth, surely he ought to let them in who
+have been married more than once, he slams the door in their faces,
+saying: 'Do you take this place for a lunatic asylum?'
+
+I know a Scotchman who, the other day, married his fourth wife. He is
+only sixty-seven years old, and no widow or old maid should give up
+hope in the little village of five hundred inhabitants where he lives.
+He is proud to say that he has never taken a wife out of that village.
+All his wives have made him happy, and he has made them all happy, as
+you can ascertain from the epitaphs he has written himself on the
+tombstone that stands over the grave where they are all at rest in
+chronological order. He specially praises them for the love and care
+they bestowed on the children of those that went before.
+
+I believe, in spite of what is said, that such a thing as a good
+stepmother can be found. Stepmothers, like mothers-in-law, get more
+abuse than they deserve.
+
+I know stepmothers who have been devoted mothers to their husband's
+children. I even know some who had children of their own, and who
+continued to be excellent mothers to the children by a former wife; but
+it is expecting too much of a woman to ask her to love other people's
+children as dearly as she does her own. Two broods will seldom live
+happily huddled together in the same nest. If it sometimes happens to
+be so, it is the exception.
+
+The world is crowded with young girls who have preferred a rough life
+of toil and misery to living with cold, indifferent stepmothers, who
+made them keenly feel the loss they had sustained when their own
+mothers died.
+
+When the children are grown up, there is no excuse for a man to
+remarry. Yet he sometimes marries a young girl, but then it is, on his
+part, a sacrifice again. He wants to give a companion and a playfellow
+to his daughters, and, to attain that end, he does not hesitate to
+commit an infamy. Sometimes he marries an old one, and commits an act
+of profanity, of _lese amour_. A man, fond of his wife, does not see
+her grow old; but no woman above fifty can inspire in a man of any age
+any other sentiments than those of friendship and respect. He may be
+the friend of such a woman, but he should not be her husband.
+
+We might philosophize at great length on such topics.
+
+I loathe giving advice, yet I cannot refrain from saying as much as
+this: If either a widower or a widow fall in love again, let them
+remarry by all means; but if the real inducement is the love of their
+children, let them, for the sake of Heaven, for the very sake of their
+children, engage the services of a good, motherly housekeeper. This has
+invariably proved to answer very well.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLI
+
+THE LAWS AND CEREMONY OF MARRIAGE
+
+    Laws that will be altered during the twentieth century--People will
+    have to pass examinations before they are allowed to marry--The
+    Church should give young couples a happy start, and change the
+    ceremony of marriage.
+
+
+It is my sincere belief, as it is my fond hope, for the sake of
+humanity, that the laws of marriage will be altered before this century
+is fifty years old. Just as the Legislatures of all the civilized
+nations will change the laws relating to inheritance and the tenure of
+the land and the treasure therein, so that the earth may be enabled to
+feed her children and keep her workers in comfort, and that none may
+enjoy the privileges of wealth who does not return some equivalent for
+it to the community, just so will these Legislatures alter the present
+laws of marriage, which now bind people unfit to live together and
+allow the production of species which ought to get extinct. I believe
+that by-and-by people will not be allowed to get married just as they
+please, and simply because they please. Insane, sickly persons will not
+be permitted to marry and bring insane and sickly children into the
+world. There will be some careful pruning done for the good of the
+human race, which, as it is, threatens to overcrowd the earth.
+
+Before the law allows couples to marry, I believe--upon my word, I
+do!--that it will require them to pass an examination and to prove that
+they are fit persons for the undertaking, that their bodies and their
+minds are sound and healthy, that they have means of living and the
+prospect of keeping the families that may be born to them. Their
+antecedents will be thoroughly investigated. It will be ascertained
+that there is no insanity, no hereditary disease in the family of
+either of them.
+
+Old men of seventy will not be allowed to marry young girls of eighteen
+or twenty. Old ladies of temporarily unsound minds will not be
+permitted to be taken to the altar by calculating young men eager to
+live without working, whatever indemnity the said young men may receive
+for their adoption by the said old ladies. Marriage will be held
+sacred, and no one will be allowed to trifle with the institution.
+
+Then it will no longer be the custom to commit adultery or acts of
+cruelty in order to obtain a divorce. No couples will be compelled to
+remain fastened together, living a life of misery. If they find it
+impossible to live happily and comfortably together, their mutual
+consent to a divorce will be sufficient to secure their freedom.
+
+By the adoption of such laws, with the daily improvement of all
+sanitary arrangements and the progress of science, disease and misery
+will disappear, the human race will become more healthy, happy, and
+beautiful, and more than ever men and women will fall in love with each
+other.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Then I hope that the Church will institute a new ceremony of marriage
+that will give young couples a cheerful start, and do away with the
+present one, which is dismal and brutal enough to disgust people out of
+matrimony.
+
+Fancy bringing a sweet, innocent girl, maybe still in her teens, to
+hear a dull, awful, solemn clergyman say to her, in front of her, close
+to her: 'Dearly beloved brethren, we are gathered together here, in the
+face of this congregation, to join together this man and this woman in
+holy matrimony, which is an honourable estate ... not by any to be
+enterprised, nor taken in hand unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly, to
+satisfy men's carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts that have
+no understanding.' And then he goes on to tell you things sufficient to
+make your hair stand on end. He tells you that matrimony was ordained
+for a remedy against sin. Yes, you bring your darling young bride to
+hear herself called a remedy against sin, almost a penance for your
+sins. There, behind you, stand half a dozen young bridesmaids,
+blushing, wondering what those brute beasts, that have no
+understanding, have to do with you, and you feel ready to fall on your
+knees and implore the forgiveness of the beloved young bride at your
+side for having brought her there to hear such things. When, finally,
+that minister says to her, 'Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded
+husband? Wilt thou obey him and serve him, love, honour him?' I wonder
+she does not exclaim indignantly: 'Not I, indeed, thanks--not for the
+world!'
+
+I do hope the Church will invent a ceremony that will make a wedding,
+instead of a fearful ordeal, a thing of beauty never to be forgotten by
+those who go through it; the Church made a bower of flowers, sweet
+music, a short address consisting of the most beautiful and pathetic
+verses from the Proverbs and the Song of Solomon, and a shower of
+flowers thrown on the path of the bride, when the ceremony is over.
+
+If I had my own way, I would read to them two or three chapters from
+the second part of that inimitable book which has filled so many French
+married lives with poetry, 'Monsieur, Madame et Bebe'--only in French;
+that book cannot possibly be translated into English.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLII
+
+ON NURSES
+
+    Nurses look the happiest women in the world--Their lives and their
+    privileges--True story of a nurse.
+
+
+If I were a woman of robust health, rich or poor, and I had no
+fascination for men, and matrimony had no fascination for me, I would
+become a nurse. The great, the only problem to solve in life, after
+all, is happiness, and the only possible way to be happy is to feel
+that you are wanted and you cause happiness in others; in a word, that
+somebody is glad and grateful that you are alive. I know I should find
+a great deal of happiness in nursing. I have had to deal with nurses in
+France during nine months in a military hospital after the Commune,
+when a compatriot of mine, an insurgent, of whom I never had the
+pleasure of making the personal acquaintance, shot me in the arm, and
+also in Great Britain, during a severe illness which I contracted in
+the North of Scotland, far away from home.
+
+Nurses look all cheerful and happy, and the beauty of their faces, in
+England, is enhanced, I must say, by a pleasing, very becoming
+semi-nunlike attire, that gives them a peculiar charm which you find in
+no other women. There is engraven on their faces that joy of living
+which Heaven seems to stamp upon the faces of women who devote
+themselves to the well-being and happiness of their fellow-creatures
+and to the assuaging of their pains and sufferings. Yes, nurses all
+look beautiful, and if I were a woman, theirs is the kind of beauty
+which I should like to possess.
+
+I remember seeing one by the death-bed of a little girl whom she had
+tenderly nursed, standing at the bedside, motionless, beautiful in her
+impassive grace, and looking like one of those angels that painters
+delight in representing at the bedside of children whose souls they
+have come to bear to the abode of the seraphim.
+
+Another thing that would induce me to embrace that profession--or
+vocation I ought rather to call it--is the absolute freedom that nurses
+enjoy. Their very dress inspires respect in all alike, high and low.
+They can go wherever they like with their uniform on--into a first tier
+box at the opera or into the lowest slums of the city. Everybody will
+stand back to let them pass; all will throw at them a glance of
+sympathy and admiration. The upper tens treat the nurse like the lady
+that she is, the submerged ones like the angel that brings them a ray
+of sunshine. The nurse may be ever so beautiful, the worst roue in the
+street will not only never think of following her, much less annoying
+her by his loathsome assiduities, but he will allow her to pass
+unnoticed in perfect freedom and security, and will not unlikely leave
+the pavement to make room for her. I believe that the pickpocket in an
+omnibus would hesitate to help himself to her purse, even if that light
+companion of hers made itself conspicuous to him by its proximity and
+easiness of access. If he should yield to the temptation and be caught,
+he would run the risk of being lynched.
+
+I have heard it said that many women become nurses, hospital nurses
+especially, with a keen eye on matrimony. It is a fact that a good many
+nurses marry doctors they have come in contact with, hospital students
+they have worked with, and even sometimes patients they have nursed
+during a protracted and painful illness. The wounded officer and his
+nurse have been the hero and the heroine of many plays and novels; but
+very few women undertake to lead a life of seclusion and slavery, of
+abnegation and devotion, a life which entails work day and night, and
+even danger of contracting infectious disease, with a view to
+matrimony.
+
+On the other hand, I dare say that a fair number of women have become
+nurses after the sad ending of some love-affair, in order to divert
+their thoughts from the death of a beloved sweetheart or the
+unfaithfulness of a light-hearted lover.
+
+At all events, if the mother-in-law, the stepmother, the widow, the old
+maid, the strong-minded woman, the ruling wife, the woman's-righter,
+the woman _this_ and the woman _that_, have supplied themes for the
+entertainment and the gaiety of nations, the humourist has invariably
+left the nurse alone.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+I was just now mentioning the fact that many women became nurses in
+order to bestow on their suffering fellow-creatures the love which the
+death of a dear lover prevented them from bestowing on a man.
+
+As an illustration, I will give a little story that I extract from my
+early reminiscences.
+
+We were fast getting the better of the Communards in 1871, and my men
+were warming to the work in grand style, when a piece of burst shell
+hit me, and some of the fellows carried me off to the hospital. I
+remember being puzzled that there should be relatively no pain in a
+wound of that sort; but the pain came soon enough when the fever set
+in. The doctor of the Versailles Hospital was a rough specimen, as army
+doctors often are--in France, at any rate--and you may fancy that the
+groans and moans of the other wounded were not soothing either. One day
+the doctor told me I should soon be able to be removed to a country
+hospital. That was after I had been under his treatment for six weeks.
+
+The sights, sounds, and smell of the place had grown so sickening to
+me, that I think I could have kissed him when he talked of sending me
+to St. Malo. He came in one morning, and, in his brusque way, said, as
+he probed the wound for bits of shattered bone:
+
+'We shall be able to pack you off in a few days. You would like to get
+transferred to St. Malo, would you not? You come from that part of the
+country, don't you? The air will suit you.'
+
+He was a brute, but he had awfully good cigars, and used to make me
+smoke one when he was going to have an extra 'go' at my wound. I
+suppose he hoped the goodness might prove infectious. I used to call
+him strings of bad names while he was digging away at his work on my
+arm. Somehow it relieved me, and, truth to tell, he took it all in good
+part.
+
+In a few days, then, I saw the last of him and he of me, and glad
+enough was I to find myself in the clean, quiet, nun-tended hospital in
+the dear old Breton town. There I had a room to myself, as each officer
+had, and to lie there in that sweet sunny room and hear no groans but
+my own was almost like being in heaven. The daily cleanings of the
+wound, still pretty painful, were recommenced under the hands of
+another surgeon, who proved to be a very good fellow. He and I struck
+up quite a friendship after a while.
+
+Well, life was, if not exactly rosy, at any rate once more worth
+living. The brightness and calm were very sweet after the horrors of
+the Versailles hospital, and a serenity filled the air, like an echo of
+organ tones brought in by the nuns from chapel.
+
+The nun who attended to me was an angel. I was there in St. Malo three
+months. Before one month had passed I had grown to love her as I should
+have loved my sister if she had lived. I loved the sound of her voice
+and the touch of her deft, gentle hands. I would have gone through the
+surgeon's probings without a groan if she might have re-bandaged the
+arm afterwards. But Dr. Nadaud always did that himself. Sister
+Gabrielle--that was what they called her--would come directly he had
+done with me, and would try the bandages to make sure they were not
+hurting, arrange the pillows afresh, and smooth out the wrinkles in the
+counterpane and my brow at the same time, sympathizing with me all the
+while in the sweetest fashion possible. Her voice was a great part of
+her charm, very low, and yet the clearest voice in the world. She had a
+way of looking at one all the time, too, with a gaze that was almost
+like a mother's caress, and that wrapped one around with a delicious
+feeling of security and well-being. Sometimes she would sit and talk
+with me about the battles, and lead me into chats about my mother, who
+was ill herself at this time and not able to come to see me.
+
+How old was Sister Gabrielle? Oh, I suppose she must have been about
+twenty-four or five then, perhaps a little more. She had the Norman
+blue eyes and a fair complexion, which the white wrappings about her
+face seemed to heighten and irradiate. Is it the white lawn, or is it a
+beauty that the self-denying life lends to them which makes the faces
+of so many of those women look so lovely? I called Sister Gabrielle an
+angel just now, but you must not fancy there was any cold saintliness
+about her; in fact, it was her very ready sympathy with all my accounts
+of my young life in the outer world that drew out my heart towards her.
+It was her very womanliness that soon set me wondering who she could
+have been, and what had led her to shut herself away from the world.
+There was little to do, lying there in bed week after week, and
+hundreds of times, as I looked at that sweet woman moving about the
+room, I pictured her without the coif, and said to myself that if she
+were not then a beloved wife, with a husband's protecting arm around
+her, and children climbing about her knees, it was not because the love
+that should have led to this had been wanting, but certainly because
+some marring chance had prevented the realization of such happiness. It
+amused me to make a pretty history to myself, with Sister Gabrielle for
+the heroine. A woman with a voice like hers and such a smile was bound
+to have loved deeply and to have inspired deep love. Sometimes, when
+she was not speaking, her eyes had a sad, far-away look. I can only
+compare it to the look that an emigrant who was toiling along a hot,
+dusty highroad to embark for a new country might turn and give to the
+dear spot that he had said a long good-bye to. But that look never
+lasted more than a minute in Sister Gabrielle's face. It was as if the
+traveller settled his burden afresh on his shoulders, and, with fresh,
+vigorous resolution, stepped on into the long expanse of road that went
+stretching away to the horizon.
+
+One day--I could not help it--I broke into one of those little reveries
+of hers.
+
+'My sister,' I said, 'sweet and beautiful as you are, how is it that
+you never married?'
+
+With lifted finger, as one speaks to a too daring child, she said only
+'Ssshh!' Then, with the movement of the emigrant readjusting his
+knapsack, she added, 'Allons! half-past ten! Dr. Nadaud will be here
+before we are ready for him!'
+
+From that day Sister Gabrielle avoided sitting by my bedside. She
+watched over me just as tenderly as before, but our talks were shorter,
+and I never ventured to repeat my question, as you may imagine.
+Nevertheless, lying there through the long days, it was impossible not
+to go on wondering what had sent this beautiful woman into the rough
+groove where I found her.
+
+One day I discovered that Dr. Nadaud came from the same town as
+herself, and I fell at once to questioning him about her. All that I
+could elicit from him was that her name in the world had been Jeanne
+D'Alcourt, and that she came of a good old Norman titled family. I did
+not learn much by that. It was not necessary to hear that she was
+noble, for she had the stamp of nobility in every line and in every
+pose of her body. For a talkative fellow, I thought Nadaud had
+remarkably little to say about his former townswoman, and, after gently
+sounding him once or twice on the subject, I came to the conclusion
+that it was useless to look to him for enlightenment, but I also came
+to the conclusion that Sister Gabrielle had a history.
+
+August came. I had been three months in St. Malo Hospital, and now the
+time for leaving it had arrived.
+
+It was early morning. A fiacre stood at the gate with my luggage upon
+it, and Sister Gabrielle had come to the doorway which led into the
+courtyard to see me off.
+
+Early as it was, the sun was already well on his day's journey, and
+perhaps it was the strong glare from the white wall that made her shade
+her eyes so persistently with her left hand while we were saying
+'Good-bye.' As for my own eyes, there was something the matter with
+them, too, for the landscape, or so much of it as I could see from the
+St. Malo Hospital doorway, had taken on a strange, blurred look since I
+saw it from the window ten minutes before.
+
+'Adieu, mon lieutenant, adieu!' cried Sister Gabrielle, in a voice
+meant to be very cheery.
+
+'Adieu, ma soeur! May I come to see you and the old place if ever I
+find myself in these latitudes again?'
+
+'Yes, yes, that is it; come back and see who is in your little bed
+under the window. Take care of the arm!' touching the sling that held
+it. 'Dr. Nadaud will expect a letter from you in copper-plate style
+before another month is over. Allons! We will say au revoir, then, not
+adieu. Bon voyage, mon lieutenant, bon voyage!'
+
+Another hand-grasp, and I made my way to the cab, feeling a strange,
+intoxicated sensation at being once more on my legs in the open air
+after such a long stretch between the blankets. Away we rattled down
+the steep stone-paved street, past the queer old high houses that, as
+the window-shutters were swung back, seemed to open their eyes and wake
+up with a spirited relish for another day's bustle and work. Very
+different to the lazy drawing up of a roller-blind in England is the
+swinging open of a pair of French _persiennes_. Whiffs of new bread and
+freshly-ground coffee floated out from the open doorways of the bakers
+and the earliest risers of St. Malo, and presently the pungent,
+invigorating odour of the sea made itself smelt in spite of the mixed
+odours of the street. It was new life to be out in the open again, and
+I was going to see my mother; but I could not forget Sister Gabrielle.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Several years passed before I saw again the old steep streets of St.
+Malo. These years brought great changes to me. My right arm being no
+longer capable of using the sword, I retired from the army, took to
+journalism, and eventually accepted an engagement in London. In the
+English capital I made my home, marrying and settling down to a
+quasi-English life, which possessed great interest for me from the
+first.
+
+One summer (six years after the war) I began to make a yearly journey
+to a town on the borders of Brittany, and always landed at St. Malo to
+take train for my destination. Trains ran there only twice a day, and
+so there was generally time enough to climb the dirty, picturesque
+street to the hospital and see sweet Sister Gabrielle, whose face would
+light up at sight of her old patient, and whose voice had still the
+same sympathetic charm. When the now English-looking traveller
+presented himself, it was always the Mother-Superior who came to him in
+the bare, cool room reserved for visitors. And then Sister Gabrielle
+would arrive, with a sweet, grave smile playing about her beautiful
+mouth, and there would be long talks about all that I had been doing,
+of the pleasant, free life in England, etc., etc.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+One hot August morning, just seven years after I had left the hospital
+with my arm in a sling, I pulled at the big clanging bell and asked to
+see Sister Gabrielle. I was ushered into the shady waiting-room, and
+stood drinking in the perfume of the roses that clambered about the
+open window. Presently the Mother's steps approached, but when she saw
+me she had no longer in her voice the cheery notes with which she used
+to greet me, nor did she offer to send Sister Gabrielle to me.
+
+In a few sad words she told me my sweet nurse was dead, that she had
+died as she had lived, beloved by all who were privileged to be near
+her. There was no positive disease, the doctor had said, but some shock
+or grief of years before must have undermined her health, and the life
+of self-sacrifice she led had not been calculated to lengthen the frail
+strand of her life. Gently and without struggle it had snapped, and she
+had drooped and died with the early violets.
+
+Touched and saddened, I turned down the steep street to the lower town.
+More than ever I wondered what had been the history of the brave,
+beautiful woman who had nursed me seven years before.
+
+Turning the corner of the Place Chateaubriand, I ran against a man.
+
+'Pardon, monsieur!'
+
+'Pardon, monsieur!'
+
+The exclamations were simultaneous. Looking up, we two men recognised
+each other.
+
+'Ah, my dear doctor!' I exclaimed.
+
+'_Sapristi_, my dear lieutenant! What are you doing in St. Malo?'
+
+Having properly accounted for my presence in the old Breton town, and
+made known to Dr. Nadaud how glad I was to see him again, we two went
+off together to lunch at the Hotel de Bretagne, where I had left my
+luggage.
+
+Having refreshed ourselves with a light French dejeuner, the doctor and
+his former patient strolled out of the long dining-room into the
+central courtyard of the hotel, which the sun had not yet made too
+warm, and there, installing ourselves at a little round table, we
+smoked and sipped our coffee.
+
+'I will tell you all I know,' said the doctor, in reply to a question
+from me. 'It seemed almost a breach of confidence to tell you Sister
+Gabrielle's story while she lived, for I knew that she had come away
+out of the world on purpose to work unknown and to bury all that
+remained of Jeanne D'Alcourt. When she first came, she seemed not at
+all pleased to see me, no doubt because my presence reminded her of
+Caen and of the scenes that she had turned her back upon for ever.
+
+'Well,' continued Dr. Nadaud, 'the D'Alcourts had lived for generations
+in a fine old house on the Boulevard de l'Est, and it was there that
+Jeanne was born. Next door lived my sister and her husband, M. Leconte,
+the chief notary of the town, and a man well considered by all classes
+of his townsmen. It is the old story of affections knotted together in
+the skipping-rope, and proving to be as unending as the circle of the
+hoop. My sister had a girl and a boy. The three children played
+together, walked out with their nurses together, and were hardly ever
+separated until the time came for Raoul to go to Paris to school. The
+boy was fourteen when they parted, Jeanne was only eleven, but the two
+children's love had so grown with their growth, that, before the day of
+parting came, they had made a solemn little compact never to forget
+each other.
+
+'Eight years passed, during which Jeanne and Raoul saw little of each
+other.
+
+'The first time the boy came home, he seemed to Jeanne no longer a boy,
+and the shyness which sprang up between them then deepened with each
+succeeding year.
+
+'The boy was allowed to choose his profession, and he chose that of
+surgery. News reached Jeanne from time to time through his sister of
+the promising young student, who, it was said, bid fair to win for
+himself a great name some day.
+
+'At the age of twenty-five Raoul left Paris. His parents, who were
+growing old, wished their son near them, and steps were taken to
+establish him in a practice in Caen.
+
+'Time passed on, and Raoul had been six months in partnership with old
+Dr. Grevin, whom he was eventually to succeed, when Mme. D'Alcourt fell
+ill of inflammation of the lungs, and so it happened that the two young
+people often met beside the sick-bed, for the elder partner was not
+always able to attend the patient, and his young _aide_ was called upon
+to take his place.
+
+'By the time that Mme. D'Alcourt was well again, both the young people
+knew that the old love of their childhood had smouldered in their
+hearts through all the years of separation, and was ready to burst into
+flame at a touch. But no word was spoken.
+
+'It was Raoul's fond hope to be one day in a position to ask for Jeanne
+as his wife, but he knew that by speaking before he was in that
+position, he would only destroy all chance of being listened to by her
+parents.
+
+'The touch that should stir the flame soon came.
+
+'One day in the summer following, a hasty summons from Mme. D'Alcourt
+took Dr. Grevin to Jeanne's bedside, and a few moments' examination
+showed him that the poor girl had taken diphtheria. After giving
+directions as to the treatment to be followed, he said he would return
+late in the evening or would send M. Leconte.
+
+'It was Raoul who came.
+
+'With horror he saw that the case was already grave, and a great pang
+went through him as he spoke to Mme. D'Alcourt of the possibility of
+its being necessary to perform tracheotomy in the morning. When morning
+came--in fact, all next day--Jeanne was a little better, and the young
+man hoped with a deep, longing, passionate hope.
+
+'The day after, however, it was evident that nothing could save the
+girl but the operation, and it was quickly decided to try this last
+chance.
+
+'The rest is soon told. In that supreme moment, as Raoul made ready for
+the work, the two young people told all their hearts' secret to each
+other in one long greeting of the eyes, that was at once a "Hail" and a
+"Farewell."
+
+'The operation was successful.
+
+'All went well with Jeanne, and in two days she was declared
+practically out of danger.
+
+'But Raoul, unmindful of everything except Jeanne's danger, had not
+been careful for himself, and had received some of the subtle poison
+from her throat.'
+
+In the cemetery of Caen, high up where the sun first strikes, can be
+seen a gravestone with the inscription:
+
+    _Ci-git_
+
+    RAOUL LECONTE,
+
+    _Decede le 18 Juillet_, 1869.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+And this is why Sister Gabrielle never married.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLIII
+
+PORTRAIT OF A FRENCH MOTHER
+
+
+Madame Proquet lived in a little town in Brittany, which she had never
+quitted in her life. She had been born there, she had married there,
+and there it was that she had brought up her only son, Henri. When
+friends said to her, 'Why not travel a little? You should at least go
+and see Paris!' she would reply: 'Thank you, I am happy enough at
+home.' She cared little for the outer world. Early left a widow, she
+had resolved to live for her son. She had made herself his dearest
+friend without effeminating him, his constant guide without
+monopolizing him, and his preceptor without ceasing to be his comrade.
+
+Before sending the boy to any school, she set to work herself and
+learned enough Latin and Greek to enable her to hear his lessons; and
+by the time he reached the upper forms, Madame Proquet would have been
+able to cut a very fair figure beside him.
+
+Thanks to the care and order with which she managed her small fortune,
+she was well off--rich even--with her 5,000 or 6,000 francs a year, for
+at the end of each year the budget showed an excess of receipts over
+expenditure. Her house, her books and her garden occupied all the time
+which was not devoted to Henri. She was fond of receiving visits, but
+rarely paid calls herself; and in the winter evenings she loved to sit
+with a book by the fireside in the room, half kitchen, half
+dining-room, which, with its great open fireplace, is very often the
+most attractive-looking apartment in a small Breton house. Sometimes it
+was her needlework that she would bring out and busy her fingers upon,
+while the faithful Fanchette, who had held Henri on her knee, and who
+still 'thee'd' and 'thou'd' him, took her knitting, and to the steady
+click of the needles would go over again the merry tricks that he was
+wont to play when he was a little boy.
+
+By-and-by Henri finished his studies and took his B.A. with honours.
+Then it became necessary to choose a profession. For some time past he
+had been longing to say to his mother: 'Mother, let me go to Paris and
+study painting. Something tells me that I should be successful.' But he
+knew that Madame Proquet had long been putting by 1,000 francs a year
+to send him to Paris to study law or medicine, whichever he should
+choose. She had made up her mind to make a lawyer or a doctor of him.
+Is it not the ambition of every French provincial mother? Henri allowed
+himself to be persuaded, although he felt not the least inclination for
+the one profession or the other. However, when it came to the point he
+chose the law.
+
+What he did in Paris during six years we may see from the fact that, in
+the month of May, 1877, he pleaded at the assizes in a case which
+resulted in two years' imprisonment for his client; and that he
+exhibited at the Salon a portrait which earned for the artist the
+praise of all critical Paris. A very talented painter had arisen.
+Madame Proquet learned the news without making a very wry face,
+swallowed the pill without grimacing, and, Fanchette having declared
+that she had always predicted that Henri's genius would soon manifest
+itself, she wisely decided under the circumstances to be proud of her
+boy.
+
+'But who is going to keep the dear fellow while he is painting in
+Paris? I cannot, that is certain,' said the good mother to herself.
+
+'But, madam,' said Fanchette, 'do you not know that there are rich
+folks who pay one hundred and even as much as two hundred francs to
+have their portrait painted, and that Paris is full of people like
+that?'
+
+Madame Proquet remained incredulous and full of anxiety. She certainly
+was not going to discourage her son, but she could not find it in her
+to encourage him. She would let events follow their course, while she
+remained calm at her post of observation. She had every confidence in
+her son after all. Was he not an advocate, and could he not always
+return to his profession if painting should fail him?
+
+The following year Henri exhibited another portrait, which excited not
+merely the admiration but the enthusiasm of the critics. People talked
+of a future Bonnat, and the name of Henri Proquet was on everyone's
+tongue. The young painter was striding into fame.
+
+Orders began to flow in. This news reassured Madame Proquet, and made
+her mother's heart swell with pride.
+
+'Did I not tell you so?' repeated Fanchette.
+
+But something that dropped like a bomb into the quiet household in the
+little Breton town was the news that a rich financier of the Faubourg
+Saint-Honore had just paid 10,000 francs for his portrait, which Henri
+had taken hardly a month to paint.
+
+'But the dear fellow will be making a fortune and losing his head,'
+exclaimed Madame Proquet.
+
+Fanchette herself was dumfounded. It seemed to them that their boy was
+going to slip from them--that fame and fortune must needs raise an
+inseparable barrier between the luxurious studio which Henri talked of,
+and was embellishing day by day, and the humble maternal home which
+never changed at all. They were both believers in the quiet and
+unobtruding happiness that hides itself and goes unenvied, and they
+could neither of them understand how happiness was possible in that
+feverish Paris, where artists and men of letters are drawn body and
+soul into the whirl of a great vortex; and the good souls bewailed
+themselves, foreseeing terrible things and getting into their heads a
+thousand ideas, which all had but one conclusion--'Our Henri is lost to
+us!'
+
+How mistaken they were!
+
+The years followed one another, and Henri came regularly twice a year
+to the dear little house where the ivy and jasmine, the clematis and
+the honeysuckle protected our successful man against intruders: the
+jealous, the gossips, the bores and all the jostling crowd that hovers
+around celebrities, and often makes them its prey.
+
+Better than that, he soon did something that should still strengthen
+his position in the good books of Madame Proquet and Fanchette. He
+married a girl as good as she was beautiful, an artist's ideal, whom he
+had the greatest difficulty to get Fanchette to _tutoyer_.
+
+'But, my dear, I cannot say "thee" and "thou" to that beautiful lady,'
+pleaded poor Fanchette.
+
+'Nonsense, Fanchette! and why not? She is your daughter as much as I am
+your boy.'
+
+And the good Fanchette, with her eyes full of tears of joy, kissed
+everybody and exclaimed:
+
+'He has not changed a bit, you see. I told you so; I knew it.'
+
+Then the young couple came twice a year to Brittany to live and love
+with more freedom. Soon, instead of two, it was a trio that came, and
+Fanchette declared that the loveliest baby in the world was the one
+that she called hers.
+
+'And,' she added, 'no one can accuse me of partiality, for everyone
+knows how I laugh at the people who think their babies the finest in
+the world.'
+
+And the others would reply in chorus:
+
+'Certainly not, Fanchette.'
+
+Madame Proquet was overwhelmed with joy, the proudest and happiest of
+mothers.
+
+She went so far as to say to her neighbours, as well as to herself:
+'Did I not do well after all to encourage Henri to be an artist!' I say
+advisedly 'as well as to herself,' for by dint of innocently and
+honestly deceiving others, one ends by innocently and honestly
+deceiving one's self.
+
+Madame Proquet had no more fear for her son's future. His fame was well
+established, and he remained to her the same devoted son, perfectly
+unaffected, his head turned neither by celebrity nor riches.
+
+The good lady unhappily reckoned without that very absorbing mistress
+called Art, who was to supplant her a little, if not in Henri's
+affection, yet in his rule of conduct. The name of Henri Proquet was
+not celebrated in Paris alone, but in all the capitals of the civilized
+world. He one day wrote to his mother that he had just received from
+England a most flattering invitation to go and paint the portrait of
+the Queen and the principal members of the Royal Family, and that he
+had resolved to settle in London with his family for several years; for
+no doubt, after the Royal Family, his brush would be in demand by lords
+and ladies, and he would return from the land of fogs laden with
+guineas and glory.
+
+'And,' he added, 'I embrace the opportunity with all the more alacrity,
+having just lost 100,000 francs in a gold mine in the United States, a
+loss which makes an ugly hole in my savings. Thank Heaven I am young,
+full of life and energy, and in less than two years I shall have
+forgotten the thing altogether and replaced the money.'
+
+Madame Proquet was aghast at the news.
+
+'So, then,' she ejaculated, 'Henri speculates! He has lost everything,
+and that in a gold mine, a hole in the earth, which, instead of
+yielding money, swallows up what fools fling into it. After that, how
+is it possible to feel any security about him? With all his talent, his
+genius, he will end in the poor-house. He talks of expatriating himself
+now. He is out of his mind.'
+
+She believed in none but sure investments, and saw no difference
+between speculation and gambling. Land, house-property and Government
+securities, no other stock had any value in her eyes. She would not for
+the world have had anything to do with shares in even the great
+railways of her own country. However, in the end she calmed herself.
+
+'He will be prudent in the future,' she said to herself, 'and the
+lesson will be a wholesome one. After all, England is not far from
+Brittany. I shall see the dear children almost as often as before.'
+
+And seeing Fanchette looking at her, she smiled, but the smile did not
+deceive the good woman, who saw clearly that something was being hidden
+from her, and that that something concerned Henri. Her eyes filled.
+
+'It is nothing, my dear Fanchette!' said Madame Proquet, making her
+faithful servant sit down by her side while she read to her Henri's
+letter, and discussed with her its contents.
+
+The painter remained three years in England, and returned to Paris
+after having made the conquest of the English public and the Royal
+Academy, just as he had made the conquest of the French public and the
+Salon.
+
+Mayfair and Belgravia had been painted by Henri Proquet; Fifth Avenue,
+New York, now claimed him, and offered him fabulous prices. He set out
+for America, and passed two years there. Madame Proquet and Fanchette
+both begged him earnestly, in all their letters, to give up these
+voyages, and to return to Paris and settle there definitely. 'Have a
+little patience, mother dear,' he wrote; 'I shall soon have 1,000,000
+francs put by, and then I shall think of nothing but your wishes.' A
+few months later he wrote: 'I shall soon have finished my work in
+America, and we shall set out from New York to make our longest and
+last voyage. We shall cross America to the Californian side: from there
+we shall visit Japan, the Pacific Islands, New Zealand, and Australia.
+On the way home we shall stop at the Cape of Good Hope to sketch a few
+Zulus, who are said to be such fine people. We count on being back in
+Paris by the end of the year, and we will be with you on New Year's
+Day. What souvenirs of our travels you will have to listen to! What
+endless chats we will have, won't we?'
+
+'Decidedly he is mad,' said Madame Proquet to herself. 'As if our
+French women were not far prettier than all those horrid black African
+creatures, or those hideous little dods of Japan!' Even Fanchette began
+to ask herself seriously whether, after all, her boy was the same, and
+not a changed person. Henri had no longer any one to take his part
+under his mother's roof.
+
+Madame Proquet fell ill meanwhile. The heart had been attacked for some
+time past; a herpetic affection threatened to complicate the state of
+affairs.
+
+No sooner arrived in Paris than Henri and his wife sped into Brittany.
+They found their mother very changed. The doctor did not attempt to
+conceal from them the danger of the disease, which, at Madame Proquet's
+age, must needs be incurable.
+
+This illness, which was likely to be a long and painful one,
+necessitated the most constant and delicate attentions, continual
+doctor's visits, and expensive medicines. Fanchette and the _femme de
+chambre_, two brave devoted women such as provincial France alone still
+possesses, but such as the future scarcely holds in store for us,
+lavished their care upon their dear mistress. They were taxed to the
+utmost of their strength, Fanchette especially, who had just passed her
+sixtieth year. To ease them, Madame Proquet engaged two nursing sisters
+from the convent, who came alternately to watch by her at night.
+
+Henri, fearing that his mother's income might not be equal to the
+strain put upon it by these extra expenses, begged her to accept from
+him a little annuity of 2,000 francs. 'Every New Year's Day, dear
+mother,' he said to her, 'I shall send you that for my New Year's gift;
+you must be good and accept it. For too long a time you were my banker;
+now I am going to be yours.' Madame Proquet had such strong ideas of
+independence that he expected a refusal. Great was his joy to find his
+mother accept with alacrity. The disease followed its course for more
+than four years. Each New Year's Day Henri sent the sum he had
+promised. A few days before her death, in the month of December, 1890,
+Madame Proquet even wrote to Henri to remind him that New Year's Day
+was approaching, and that she would be looking out for her 2,000 francs
+by the next post. This made her son smile. 'Poor mother! She is perhaps
+hard up. What a good thing I induced her to accept help! Without it she
+would not have had enough for her nursing expenses. Thanks to me, we
+shall be able to keep her alive for years. And there are fools who say
+that money will not buy happiness!' Then, on the spot, he wrote out a
+cheque for the sum he sent every year. At the very moment that he was
+about to ring for a servant a telegram was handed to him.
+
+The telegram announced the sudden death of Madame Proquet.
+
+Henri's good mother had passed away peacefully and without pain; she
+had fallen asleep thinking of her children and had never wakened again.
+
+Henri and his family took the first train to Brittany. Fanchette was at
+the door watching for the arrival of the carriage that should convey
+them from the station. In dumb grief the good creature led Henri and
+his wife and children to their dear dead one. They knelt and silently
+all kissed one another with tender effusion beside the mortal remains
+of that beloved and devoted mother, to whom they thus said a supreme
+adieu while showing her the depth of their mutual love.
+
+Deprived of the mournful privilege of closing the eyes of his mother,
+Henri had at least the consolation of being present to piously render
+her the last sad duty. The day after the funeral, he opened the drawers
+which contained Madame Proquet's family documents and the property
+which now belonged to him. In a corner of one of the drawers he found a
+little packet, carefully tied, sealed, and addressed:
+
+    'To my son, only to be opened after my death.'
+
+This packet contained eight rolls of 1,000 francs, each placed in a red
+morocco sheath. By the side of this money lay a letter without any
+date, but evidently written quite recently. It ran as follows:
+
+    'MY BELOVED HENRI,
+
+    'The life that you lead makes me very anxious. You speak of
+    returning once more to America, to Australia, even going round the
+    world again. Really, I ask myself sometimes whether you are in your
+    right senses, and whether those English people have not completely
+    demoralized you. You buy shares, you run after large dividends,
+    instead of placing your money in State securities at three per
+    cent. It is pure madness, my dear son. I hate speculations! If an
+    individual attempted to come and offer me ten per cent. for my
+    money I would order my faithful Fanchette to show him the door.
+    There will come a time, perhaps, when the law, grown wiser, will
+    condemn to six months' imprisonment, not only every man who takes
+    more than five per cent., but also him who offers it. You have a
+    million, you tell me. Well, then, my son, keep it carefully, and do
+    not try to get others with it. You may possess a million, but if
+    you get more the millions will possess you. There is no real
+    happiness except in security and in obscurity. The kind that has to
+    be sought far afield is ephemeral. Long voyages may make life
+    interesting, but happy, no. Happiness is only to be found at home
+    with our dear ones. Life is so short that each time you leave your
+    good home to seek adventures you are robbing yourself. That is
+    Fanchette's opinion, too, mind you. Of course, all this does not
+    prevent us from loving you and following you with our thoughts
+    wherever you are, nor from praying the great God to bring you
+    safely to port, but at the same time to rid your head of these
+    ideas of adventure which torment me so. In a corner of the drawer
+    where you will find this letter you will find also, carefully
+    rolled and wrapped, and all in good gold coin (you may say what you
+    please, but I do not like paper), the 8,000 francs that you have
+    sent me on New Year's Day for the past four years. You will find
+    them intact. God be praised! I have not needed to use them. I have
+    taken care of them for you, and--who knows?--you may be very glad
+    one day to have them. My regret is that you did not offer years
+    back to send me twenty thousand instead of two. I should have
+    accepted every franc of it, and it would have been as much money
+    saved from that miserable American gold mine or some other
+    speculations, which, believe me, are bound to be just as mad.
+
+    'Thank you, my darling son, for the kind impulse that prompted you
+    to send the money. In the future buy three per cents., give up your
+    travels, and stay at home with your dear ones who adore you. My
+    dear, generous son, when you read these lines I shall be no more of
+    this world. Do not forget your old mother, who has lived only for
+    you, who has been proud of her son, and now thanks him for all the
+    happiness that his love and devotion have brought her.'
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Fanchette is installed in the fine house that Henri occupies in the
+Champs Elysees. He pretends to follow her advice in everything.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLIV
+
+FAILINGS AND FOIBLES OF GOOD WOMEN
+
+    Women of strong character--Obstinacy and prejudice--Tastes and
+    temperaments--The diplomatic woman--The strong-minded woman--The
+    superiority of woman--Monopolizers--Little women--The woman who is
+    wrong--'I told you so'--Why women were not given beards--Women who
+    marry for money and for titles--The only chance of success in
+    matrimony.
+
+
+When you say that a man has a strong character, it means that when he
+has made up his mind to attain an object in view, nothing will divert
+him from the road that leads to the goal. He will take advice and
+profit by all the circumstances that may help him to succeed. That man,
+as a rule, is successful in the world.
+
+When you say that a woman has a strong character, it often means that
+she is obstinate and prejudiced, and that whatever advice and arguments
+may be placed at her disposal, she will follow her own mind and have
+her own way. That woman, as a rule, is a failure in life.
+
+Obstinacy and prejudice, which are the characteristics of even the best
+women, are not proofs of a strong character, but weaknesses.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Which is better for a man and a woman to possess in
+matrimony--similarity of tastes or similarity of temperaments?
+
+I would reply at once: The former, by all means. If a husband and a
+wife have different temperaments--and, of course, love each other (this
+must always be granted in any discussion on 'How to be happy though
+married')--their lives may be all the more interesting for it, because
+they will have to constantly study each other, make concessions, and be
+diplomatists ever on their guard. People of different temperaments can
+get along very well, but unless their tastes are similar they cannot
+enjoy life together.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+George Eliot says that a difference of tastes in jokes is a strain on
+the affections.
+
+Fancy a humourist married to a woman who cannot see a joke!
+
+Fancy a Wagnerian having a wife who prefers the 'Casino Girl' to
+'Lohengrin'!
+
+Fancy a poetic, romantic woman, a lover of Nature, taking her husband
+to see Vesuvius in eruption and hearing him remark that he has seen
+smoke before at Pittsburg and Newcastle-on-Tyne; or visiting with him
+the banqueting-hall of Heidelberg Castle and hearing that Philistine
+remark that it is about the same size as the dining-room of the
+Auditorium Hotel in Chicago!
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Of course, this difference of tastes sometimes helps to smooth out
+difficulties. If the chicken is small, and one partner likes white meat
+while the other prefers black, it comes in handy.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+All psychologists, ancient and modern, agree on one point on the
+subject of woman, and that is that vanity is her typical failing. You
+never need fear referring to her beauty. She is always open to a bit of
+flattery. You may go straight to the heart of the best woman by
+praising her bonnet or her baby.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Give me a tactful woman (she is a delight), but spare me the diplomatic
+one. 'A diplomatic woman' sounds to my ears very much like 'a woman too
+clever by half.' I almost prefer the dear little goose who puts her
+foot in it every time she opens her mouth.
+
+No doubt the diplomatic woman is a very useful mate to the man who
+occupies a high official position; but in everyday life, in married
+life especially, the only diplomacy that a woman should concern herself
+about is the politics of matrimony. Under all other circumstances the
+diplomatic woman is only an insincere woman with a high-sounding name.
+
+The more I think of it, the more I feel deeply convinced that, in the
+ordinary pursuits of life, whether a man or a woman be in question,
+good diplomacy does not consist in cleverly deceiving people, but in
+finding out who your real friends are, and, when that is ascertained,
+in sticking to them and for them through thick and thin.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+When a husband allows himself to be ruled by his wife, the latter
+generally profits by it to become assertive and offensively
+overpowering. Woman was not meant to rule, and when she is permitted to
+enjoy that privilege, she too often enjoys it _en parvenue_, loudly and
+indiscreetly. Like Queen Victoria, woman should reign, but not rule.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+With the tact and common-sense which are the salient and most
+characteristic features of French women, I regret that France is not
+under a constitutional monarchy, and that the French throne is not
+occupied by a Frenchwoman. The two most successful reigns recorded in
+English history are the reigns of Queen Elizabeth and Queen Victoria,
+which makes me wonder how it is that Salic law is not repealed in all
+those countries where man alone is allowed either to rule or only
+reign.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+The best illustration of the superiority of woman over man in France is
+to be seen in the Duval restaurants. It is a woman who, in the
+twinkling of the eye, multiplies the number of dishes you have eaten by
+their respective prices and hands you the total always right. She is
+responsible for the amount charged. If she makes a mistake, she has to
+pay for it. And how I pity the clerk at the door, always a man, who is
+satisfied with giving you a bill and seeing that you return it duly
+paid before you go out! That is all he has to do besides yawning and
+constantly pushing the door which the customers often leave open or not
+carefully closed. In business, all the responsible posts are held by
+women, certainly nine times out of ten. In most shops, fashionable or
+humble, through the little square hole over which is written 'Pay
+Here,' you see madame smiling, receiving the money, booking it and
+keeping it. Monsieur walks about the place and sees to, or, rather,
+looks at, everything. If that man dies, his wife may regret him, but
+she can do without him. She has the whole business at her fingers'
+ends. Instead of being the partner of the firm, she now becomes the
+sole mistress of the establishment.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+The foible of most women, good wives and good mothers, is to be
+monopolizers, in France especially, where woman is queen in her home,
+and her empire over her children is complete and unquestioned. France
+will never succeed in founding a Colonial Empire until boys cease to be
+brought up and remain under the influence of their mothers. The Roman
+Empire and the British Empire were made by men who had been brought up
+and lived under the influence of women, but who never allowed them to
+rule either as mothers or as wives.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+The great qualities of a woman make her admirable, but I am not quite
+sure that it is not on account of her many little failings and foibles
+that she is loveable.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+A boy is a boy--a _genus_ article. When a man, he will very often
+develop qualities and defects which he never possessed as a child. With
+the gentler sex things are different. A little girl is a little woman,
+and, when a woman, she will possess, only more accentuated, all the
+qualities and defects that she possessed as a child of ten or twelve. I
+have known very good boys become very bad men, and very bad boys become
+splendid men. I have known young cowards become very brave soldiers. An
+affectionate little girl will be an affectionate woman; a little girl
+passionately fond of her dolls will be a beautiful mother; and a little
+flirt of ten will become a terrible flirt at twenty, and a terrible
+coquette at thirty.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+The most painful feeling for a woman to have is to know that she is
+wrong, because she will not acknowledge it. While she is consuming her
+own smoke, pity her, and never aggravate her by saying, 'I told you
+so!' There is such a damnable look of self-satisfaction on the face of
+a man who says to a woman, 'I told you so!' If I were a woman, I could
+not resist the temptation of slapping the face of a man who _told me
+so_.
+
+Poor thing! It is quite bad enough for her to be wrong, without having
+to suffer a sneering reminder.
+
+The man who tries to prove, or, worse still, who succeeds in proving,
+to a woman that she is wrong has not a particle of gentlemanly feeling
+in him. He is an idiot, a bore, and a brute.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+If your wife is wrong, cast down your eyes modestly, smile, and say
+nothing. If she does not know she is wrong, she will admire your
+courtesy; if she does, she will admire your self-control. A woman
+always admires these two qualities in a man.
+
+And when she is right--mind you, perhaps she may be: the most
+extraordinary things _will_ happen--don't be mean. Be sure you allow
+her the fullest enjoyment of the victory.
+
+So, whether your wife be right or wrong, always treat her as if she
+were right. You will thus pay the lady either her due or a compliment,
+and you are sure to win.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Alexandre Dumas said that women were not given beards because they
+would never have been able to keep still and silent while being shaved.
+
+Women's tongues have been the eternal theme for men's sarcasms. Yet,
+for the gift of the gab, for gossip and scandal, give me a few old men
+together in the smoke-rooms of their clubs. Women are not in it!
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+I see no difference between women who marry for money and women who
+sell their favours, except one to the advantage of the latter, who may
+have been prompted by love, temptation, or poverty to commit actions
+which the former have the impudence to ask the Law to sanction and the
+Church to sanctify.
+
+A man who marries for money is still much more despicable, because he
+has not the excuse of many women, who may not have been able to
+discover any other way of getting a living.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+A woman cannot love or respect a man who allows himself to be purchased
+for a title of nobility, and a man cannot love or respect a woman who
+buys him, and thus degrades him in his own eyes. There is no possible
+element of happiness in such marriages. If there is something in
+nobility, it should be nobleness of character in those who belong to
+it. What has become of the old motto _Noblesse oblige_?
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+The only chance of success in matrimony is that there should not be one
+single reproach which, in the inevitable moments of friction, may ever
+be hurled by one at the face of the other.
+
+A marriage is called a match. The parties who contract it should be
+matched, and should therefore choose and accept partners of their own
+rank. Handsome people should not marry ugly ones. They should be equal,
+with perhaps a touch of superiority in age, size, fortune, and
+intellectual attainments to the man's credit--to atone for all his
+shortcomings.
+
+Mesalliances always turn out badly.
+
+Little tiffs, sulkings, fits of temper, and even of jealousy--have as
+many as you like, they will act as shovels of fuel to keep love and
+interest alive; but reproaches about origin, antecedents, former
+poverty, early associations, claims to gratitude especially, will only
+lead to the inevitable and somewhat logical answer, 'If you married me,
+I imagine it was because you thought I was as good as you.'
+
+There is no remedy known for the harm done by such reproaches and
+claims to gratitude.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLV
+
+CUPIDIANA
+
+    Stray thoughts on women, love and matrimony.
+
+
+Few lovers are sure of each other. If you doubt it, listen to what they
+say, and you will constantly hear them repeat: 'Do you love me?' 'Will
+you always love me?' or 'How long will you love me?' They will often
+wake each other in the night to repeat these questions.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Men should cease to be jealous when they discover that they have real
+ground for being jealous. I do not believe that jealousy comes from
+true love; but justifiable jealousy should cure one of love.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Love sanctifies everything. Men and women, who really love each other
+and are faithful, are virtuous.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+If you love a woman from the depths of your heart and soul, no words
+can be found adequate to convey an idea of it.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+You cannot blame a man or a woman for being in love any more than you
+can blame them for having the toothache. If the love they feel is a
+misfortune to them, or the cause of unhappiness to others, pity them
+all.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Friendship is the old age of love. Happy the husband and wife who, when
+the days of love and passion are gone, find real happiness and blessed
+rest in friendship.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+There should be no other law than love to bind a man and a woman
+together. The day they cease to love each other should be the day on
+which the contract determines, and they become friends.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+The intelligent, artistic, refined man is a gourmet in love; the
+foolish and brutal man is a gourmand.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Men in old age often give young ones salutary advice as a consolation
+for being unable to give them bad example.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+However ill you may speak or think of women, you will always find a
+woman able to do it better than you.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Why are women far less indulgent than men for the faults of women?
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+If I were a beautiful woman, oh, how I should hate women!
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+The woman who has never succumbed to temptation, often because
+temptation has never been in her way, is inexorable for the weaknesses
+of her sex.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Nine times out of ten the ugly woman will at once accept as reliably
+true any gossip she hears on the subject of a beautiful woman. She
+draws herself up and thinks: 'No one could ever say such things of me.'
+And she is right: no one would who did not wish to be grossly
+flattering.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Only the woman who has yielded to temptation is charitable, and will
+help the fallen angel. Like Dido, she says:
+
+'Non ignara mali, miseris succurrere disco.'
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+It is because I love and revere woman that I pity the fallen one, and
+cannot say an unkind word of her.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+I think that men should go down on their knees before the fallen women,
+and implore their pardon, in the name of their sex, for the injury--the
+criminal, irretrievable injury--that has been done to them by the curs
+and scoundrels who are the cause of their present condition.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+A woman is a wretched coward who, having had, in succession, the
+protection of a father and of a husband, does not pity and help, if she
+can, the beautiful, unprotected girl who has tried to fight the battle
+of life by herself, and has been wounded.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Woman is an angel who seldom appreciates a man who has not a bit of the
+devil in him.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+The most religious woman will postpone an interview with her Maker for
+an appointment with her dressmaker.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Matrimony is like any other contract: an agreement signed by two
+honourable persons, each of whom, in every clause, takes the other to
+be a dishonourable one.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+A loving woman will keep her heart warm as long as she lives, and her
+hair black as long as she dyes.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Woman is an instrument given to man for his happiness and his delight.
+If the instrument gets neglected, out of tune, and broken, man should
+blame himself alone. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, the instrument
+is right enough; it only wants to be in good and careful keeping.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+There are only two places in the world where a beautiful woman,
+fashionably dressed, can walk comfortably without being stared at by
+the women like a Barnum's freak out for an airing--Paris and New York,
+and perhaps Bond Street, London, during the season. Everywhere else she
+has to ride or hide. There is only one spot of the earth where such a
+woman can go about in all freedom and security without running the risk
+of being followed and otherwise annoyed by idle men, and that is Fifth
+Avenue, New York.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+In matrimony, to retain happiness and make it last to the end, it is
+not a question for a woman to remain beautiful, it is a question for
+her to remain interesting. Not the slightest detail should be beneath
+her notice in order to keep alive the attention of her husband.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Love feeds on illusions, lives on trifles. If a man loves his wife, a
+rose on her head, her hair parted the other way, a newly-trimmed
+bonnet, may revive in him the interest he felt the first time he met
+her, nay, the emotion he felt the first time he held her in his arms.
+The very best dishes may become insipid if served with the eternally
+same sauce.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+There comes a time when a woman has to make up her mind to choose
+between being called a 'dear old soul' or a 'crabby old thing.'
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+I love and admire the woman of forty who admits that she is ten years
+older than her daughter, the woman of fifty who is proud to show me her
+grandchildren, and does not object to being photographed with them, and
+the woman of sixty who does not expect me to admire her shoulders at a
+dinner-party.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Painting, music, and women are often admired or criticised by plucky
+people who are not afraid of exhibiting their ignorance.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Women are born mothers or sweethearts. When they marry, they become
+mother-wives and take their children into first consideration, or
+sweetheart-wives, and bestow their best care and attentions on their
+husbands. But for the former ones, many clubs would have to put up
+their shutters.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+A woman who is constantly blushing must be terribly well informed.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+As long as it is man who proposes, matrimony will be promotion for a
+woman.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+The woman taken in adultery was formerly burned or stoned to death;
+later on she was condemned to three months' imprisonment. Nowadays she
+goes scot-free, and her husband is turned into ridicule. What more does
+she want?--the Victoria Cross or the Legion of Honour?
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+There is no _esprit de corps_ among women.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+America is the only country where you hear women speak well of their
+sex. It speaks volumes for them, and it enables American men to be
+polite and even gallant, and do the same.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Woman is made to love and to be loved. She may live on love and die of
+it. For a man, love is the occupation of a few moments; for a woman,
+love is the occupation of a lifetime.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+If a man hears men speak ill of women, he should, before joining in the
+chorus, remember his mother. Then he will be sure to take their
+defence.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Women should have two great aims in life: trying to be beautiful and
+succeeding in being pleasant.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+Whether I think of woman as a grandmother, a mother, a wife, a
+sweetheart, or even a little girl who, by-and-by, will bear all these
+titles in succession, I believe that men ought to spend most of their
+spare time in strewing with flowers the ground upon which a woman is
+about to tread.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+There are men who complain that roses have thorns. They should be
+grateful to know that thorns have roses.
+
+                 *       *       *       *       *
+
+The roses of life are the women.
+
+
+THE END
+
+
+BILLING AND SONS, LTD., PRINTERS, GUILDFORD.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Her Royal Highness Woman, by Max O'Rell
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