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diff --git a/old/phafr10.txt b/old/phafr10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ee39968 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/phafr10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7852 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Etext of Phantastes, by George MacDonald. + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. 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Illustrations of the hardcopy intermingle +with the text often, and so their markings are "rudely" placed +mid-sentence in this etext as well within {} marks. my use of ?? +marks are spots that need to be checked with another printing or +edition as something *seems* missing but i cannot say what.... +The poetry may have errors, particularly end of line punctuation. + +Illustration captions removed from text but list at +front is still there because of references to them in the +preface. + + +Scanned with OmniPage Professional OCR software +donated by Caere Corporation, 1-800-535-7226. +Contact Mike Lough <Mikel@caere.com> + + + +PHANTASTES +A FAERIE ROMANCE FOR MEN AND WOMEN + +BY +GEORGE MACDONALD + +A new Edition, with thirty-three new Illustrations by Arthur +Hughes; edited by Greville MacDonald + +"In good sooth, my masters, this is no door. + Yet is it a little window, that looketh upon a great world." + + +PREFACE + +For offering this new edition of my father's Phantastes, my +reasons are three. The first is to rescue the work from an +edition illustrated without the author's sanction, and so +unsuitably that all lovers of the book must have experienced some +real grief in turning its pages. With the copyright I secured +also the whole of that edition and turned it into pulp. + My second reason is to pay a small tribute to my father by +way of personal gratitude for this, his first prose work, which +was published nearly fifty years ago. Though unknown to many +lovers of his greater writings, none of these has exceeded it in +imaginative insight and power of expression. To me it rings with +the dominant chord of his life's purpose and work. + My third reason is that wider knowledge and love of the book +should be made possible. To this end I have been most happy in +the help of my father's old friend, who has illustrated the +book. I know of no other living artist who is capable of +portraying the spirit of Phantastes; and every reader of this +edition will, I believe, feel that the illustrations are a part +of the romance, and will gain through them some perception of the +brotherhood between George MacDonald and Arthur Hughes. + +GREVILLE MACDONALD. +September 1905. + + + +LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS + +THE MEETING OF SIR GALAHAD AND SIX PERCIVALE +SUDDENLY THERE STOOD ON THE THRESHOLD A TINY WOMAN-FORM +THE BRANCHES AND LEAVES ON THE CURTAINS OF MY BED WERE IN MOTION +I SAW A COUNTRY MAIDEN COMING TOWARDS ME +TAILPIECE TO CHAPTER III +HEADPIECE TO CHAPTER IV +TWO LARGE SOFT ARMS WERE THROWN AROUND ME FROM BEHIND +I GAZED AFTER HER IN A KIND OF DESPAIR +I FOUND MYSELF IN A LITTLE CAVE +THE ASH SHUDDERED AND GROANED +TAILPIECE TO CHAPTER VI +I COULD HARDLY BELIEVE THAT THERE WAS A FAIRY LAND +I DID NOT BELIEVE IN FAIRY LAND +A RUNNER WITH GHOSTLY FEET +THE MAIDEN CAME ALONG, SINGING AND DANCING,HAPPY AS A CHILD +THE GOBLINS PERFORMED THE MOST ANTIC HOMAGE +THE FAIRY PALACE IN THE MOONLIGHT +TOO DAZZLING FOR EARTHLY EYES +IN THE WOODS AND ALONG THE RIVER BANKS DO THE MAIDENS GO LOOKING + FOR CHILDREN +SHE LAY WITH CLOSED EYES, WHENCE TWO TEARS WERE FAST WELLING +HEADPIECE TO CHAPTER XIV +I SPRANG TO HER, AND LAID MY HAND ON THE HARP +A WHITE FIGURE GLEAMED PAST ME, WRINGING HER HANDS +THEY ALL RUSHED UPON ME, AND HELD ME TIGHT +A WINTRY SEA, BARE, AND WASTE, AND GRAY +SHOW ME THE CHILD THOU CALLEST MINE +THE TIME PASSED AWAY IN WORK AND SONG +HEADPIECE TO CHAPTER XXI +WE REACHED THE PALACE OF THE KING +I SAW, LEANING AGAINST THE TREE, A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN +FASTENED TO THE SADDLE, WAS THE BODY OF A GREAT DRAGON +I WAS DEAD, AND RIGHT CONTENT +A VALLEY LAY BENEATH ME + + +PHANTASTES +A FAERIE ROMANCE + + + "Phantastes from `their fount all shapes deriving, + In new habiliments can quickly dight." + FLETCHER'S Purple Island + + +{Below is raw OCR it has not been proofed as i cannot read it!} + "Es lassen sich Erzahlungen ohne Zusammenhang, jedoch mit +Association, wie Traume dengkeennohgneedizhusamdimenhang; jedoeh +mit und voll schoner Worte sind, aber auch ohne allen Sinn und +Zusammenhang, hochstens einzelne Strophen verstandlich, wie +Bruchstucke aus den verjschledenartigsten Dingen, Diese svahre +Poesie kann Wlrkung, wie Musik haben. Darum ist die Natur so +rein poetisch wle die Stube eines Zauberers, eines Physikers, +eine Kinderstube elne Polterund Vorrathskammer + +"Ein Mahrchen ist wie ein Traumbild ohne Zusammenhang. Ein +Ensemble wunderbarer Dinge und Begebenheiten, z. B. eine +dMusNkalische Pbantasie, die harmonischen Folgen einer +Aeolsharfe, die Natur slebst. + . . . . . . . . . . + + +"In einem echten Mahrchen muss ailes wunderbar, geheimnissvoll +undzusammenhangendsein; alles belebt, jeder auf eineandereArt Die +ganze Natur muss wunderlich mit der ganzen Geisterwelt gemiseht +sein; hier tritt die Zeit der Anarehie, der Gesetzlosigkeit +Frelheit, der Naturstand der Natur, die Zeit von der Welt ein +entgegengesetztes und eben daruel'ndiehr Weld der Wahrheit +durehaus Chaos der vollendeten Sehopfung ahnlich ist."--NOVALIS. + +~~~ + + + + + +CHAPTER 1 + "A spirit . . . + . . . . . . + The undulating and silent well, + And rippling rivulet, and evening gloom, + Now deepening the dark shades, for speech assuming, + Held commune with him; as if he and it + Were all that was." + SHELLEY'S Alastor. + + +I awoke one morning with the usual perplexity of mind which +accompanies the return of consciousness. As I lay and looked +through the eastern window of my room, a faint streak of peach- +colour, dividing a cloud that just rose above the low swell of +the horizon, announced the approach of the sun. As my thoughts, +which a deep and apparently dreamless sleep had dissolved, began +again to assume crystalline forms, the strange events of the +foregoing night presented themselves anew to my wondering +consciousness. The day before had been my one-and-twentieth +birthday. Among other ceremonies investing me with my legal +rights, the keys of an old secretary, in which my father had kept +his private papers, had been delivered up to me. As soon as I +was left alone, I ordered lights in the chamber where the +secretary stood, the first lights that had been there for many a +year; for, since my father's death, the room had been left +undisturbed. But, as if the darkness had been too long an inmate +to be easily expelled, and had dyed with blackness the walls to +which, bat-like, it had clung, these tapers served but ill to +light up the gloomy hangings, and seemed to throw yet darker +shadows into the hollows of the deep-wrought cornice. All the +further portions of the room lay shrouded in a mystery whose +deepest folds were gathered around the dark oak cabinet which I +now approached with a strange mingling of reverence and +curiosity. Perhaps, like a geologist, I was about to turn up to +the light some of the buried strata of the human world, with its +fossil remains charred by passion and petrified by tears. +Perhaps I was to learn how my father, whose personal history was +unknown to me, had woven his web of story; how he had found the +world, and how the world had left him. Perhaps I was to find +only the records of lands and moneys, how gotten and how secured; +coming down from strange men, and through troublous times, to me, +who knew little or nothing of them all. To solve my +speculations, and to dispel the awe which was fast gathering +around me as if the dead were drawing near, I approached the +secretary; and having found the key that fitted the upper +portion, I opened it with some difficulty, drew near it a heavy +high-backed chair, and sat down before a multitude of little +drawers and slides and pigeon-holes. But the door of a little +cupboard in the centre especially attracted my interest, as if +there lay the secret of this long-hidden world. Its key I found. + +One of the rusty hinges cracked and broke as I opened the door: +it revealed a number of small pigeon-holes. These, however, +being but shallow compared with the depth of those around the +little cupboard, the outer ones reaching to the back of the desk, +I concluded that there must be some accessible space behind; and +found, indeed, that they were formed in a separate framework, +which admitted of the whole being pulled out in one piece. +Behind, I found a sort of flexible portcullis of small bars of +wood laid close together horizontally. After long search, and +trying many ways to move it, I discovered at last a scarcely +projecting point of steel on one side. I pressed this repeatedly +and hard with the point of an old tool that was lying near, till +at length it yielded inwards; and the little slide, flying up +suddenly, disclosed a chamber--empty, except that in one corner +lay a little heap of withered rose-leaves, whose long- lived +scent had long since departed; and, in another, a small packet of +papers, tied with a bit of ribbon, whose colour had gone with the +rose-scent. Almost fearing to touch them, they witnessed so +mutely to the law of oblivion, I leaned back in my chair, and +regarded them for a moment; when suddenly there stood on the +threshold of the little chamber, as though she had just emerged +from its depth, a tiny woman-form, as perfect in shape as if she +had been a small Greek statuette roused to life and motion. Her +dress was of a kind that could never grow old- fashioned, because +it was simply natural: a robe plaited in a band around the neck, +and confined by a belt about the waist, descended to her feet. +It was only afterwards, however, that I took notice of her dress, +although my surprise was by no means of so overpowering a degree +as such an apparition might naturally be expected to excite. +Seeing, however, as I suppose, some astonishment in my +countenance, she came forward within a yard of me, and said, in a +voice that strangely recalled a sensation of twilight, and reedy +river banks, and a low wind, even in this deathly room:-- + +"Anodos, you never saw such a little creature before, did you?" + +"No," said I; "and indeed I hardly believe I do now." + +"Ah! that is always the way with you men; you believe nothing the +first time; and it is foolish enough to let mere repetition +convince you of what you consider in itself unbelievable. I am +not going to argue with you, however, but to grant you a wish." + + Here I could not help interrupting her with the foolish speech, +of which, however, I had no cause to repent-- + +"How can such a very little creature as you grant or +refuse anything?" + +"Is that all the philosophy you have gained in one-and-twenty +years?" said she. "Form is much, but size is nothing. It is a +mere matter of relation. I suppose your six-foot lordship does +not feel altogether insignificant, though to others you do look +small beside your old Uncle Ralph, who rises above you a great +half-foot at least. But size is of so little consequence with +old me, that I may as well accommodate myself to your foolish +prejudices." + +So saying, she leapt from the desk upon the floor, where she +stood a tall, gracious lady, with pale face and large blue eyes. +Her dark hair flowed behind, wavy but uncurled, down to her +waist, and against it her form stood clear in its robe of white. + +"Now," said she, "you will believe me." + +Overcome with the presence of a beauty which I could now +perceive, and drawn towards her by an attraction irresistible as +incomprehensible, I suppose I stretched out my arms towards her, +for she drew back a step or two, and said-- + +"Foolish boy, if you could touch me, I should hurt you. Besides, +I was two hundred and thirty-seven years old, last Midsummer eve; +and a man must not fall in love with his grandmother, you know." + +"But you are not my grandmother," said I. + +"How do you know that?" she retorted. "I dare say you know +something of your great-grandfathers a good deal further back +than that; but you know very little about your great-grandmothers +on either side. Now, to the point. Your little sister was +reading a fairy-tale to you last night." + +"She was." + +"When she had finished, she said, as she closed the book, `Is +there a fairy-country, brother?' You replied with a sigh, `I +suppose there is, if one could find the way into it.'" + +"I did; but I meant something quite different from what you seem +to think." + +"Never mind what I seem to think. You shall find the way into +Fairy Land to-morrow. Now look in my eyes." + +Eagerly I did so. They filled me with an unknown longing. I +remembered somehow that my mother died when I was a baby. I +looked deeper and deeper, till they spread around me like seas, +and I sank in their waters. I forgot all the rest, till I found +myself at the window, whose gloomy curtains were withdrawn, and +where I stood gazing on a whole heaven of stars, small and +sparkling in the moonlight. Below lay a sea, still as death and +hoary in the moon, sweeping into bays and around capes and +islands, away, away, I knew not whither. Alas! it was no sea, +but a low bog burnished by the moon. "Surely there is such a sea +somewhere!" said I to myself. A low sweet voice beside me +replied-- + +"In Fairy Land, Anodos." + +I turned, but saw no one. I closed the secretary, and went to my +own room, and to bed. + +All this I recalled as I lay with half-closed eyes. I was soon +to find the truth of the lady's promise, that this day I should +discover the road into Fairy Land. + + + + + +CHAPTER II + +"`Where is the stream?' cried he, with tears. `Seest thou its not +in blue waves above us?' He looked up, and lo! the blue stream +was flowing gently over their heads." + --NOVALIS, Heinrich von Ofterdingen. + +While these strange events were passing through my mind, I +suddenly, as one awakes to the consciousness that the sea has +been moaning by him for hours, or that the storm has been howling +about his window all night, became aware of the sound of running +water near me; and, looking out of bed, I saw that a large green +marble basin, in which I was wont to wash, and which stood on a +low pedestal of the same material in a corner of my room, was +overflowing like a spring; and that a stream of clear water was +running over the carpet, all the length of the room, finding its +outlet I knew not where. And, stranger still, where this carpet, +which I had myself designed to imitate a field of grass and +daisies, bordered the course of the little stream, the grass- +blades and daisies seemed to wave in a tiny breeze that followed +the water's flow; while under the rivulet they bent and swayed +with every motion of the changeful current, as if they were about +to dissolve with it, and, forsaking their fixed form, become +fluent as the waters. + +My dressing-table was an old-fashioned piece of furniture of +black oak, with drawers all down the front. These were +elaborately carved in foliage, of which ivy formed the chief +part. The nearer end of this table remained just as it had been, +but on the further end a singular change had commenced. I +happened to fix my eye on a little cluster of ivy-leaves. The +first of these was evidently the work of the carver; the next +looked curious; the third was unmistakable ivy; and just beyond +it a tendril of clematis had twined itself about the gilt handle +of one of the drawers. Hearing next a slight motion above me, I +looked up, and saw that the branches and leaves designed upon the +curtains of my bed were slightly in motion. Not knowing what +change might follow next, I thought it high time to get up; and, +springing from the bed, my bare feet alighted upon a cool green +sward; and although I dressed in all haste, I found myself +completing my toilet under the boughs of a great tree, whose top +waved in the golden stream of the sunrise with many interchanging +lights, and with shadows of leaf and branch gliding over leaf and +branch, as the cool morning wind swung it to and fro, like a +sinking sea-wave. + +After washing as well as I could in the clear stream, I rose and +looked around me. The tree under which I seemed to have lain all +night was one of the advanced guard of a dense forest, towards +which the rivulet ran. Faint traces of a footpath, much +overgrown with grass and moss, and with here and there a +pimpernel even, were discernible along the right bank. +"This," thought I, "must surely be the path into Fairy Land, +which the lady of last night promised I should so soon find." I +crossed the rivulet, and accompanied it, keeping the footpath on +its right bank, until it led me, as I expected, into the wood. +Here I left it, without any good reason: and with a vague feeling +that I ought to have followed its course, I took a more southerly +direction. + + + + + +CHAPTER III + + "Man doth usurp all space, + Stares thee, in rock, bush, river, in + the face. + Never thine eyes behold a tree; + 'Tis no sea thou seest in the sea, + 'Tis but a disguised humanity. + To avoid thy fellow, vain thy plan; + All that interests a man, is man." + HENRY SUTTON. + +The trees, which were far apart where I entered, giving free +passage to the level rays of the sun, closed rapidly as I +advanced, so that ere long their crowded stems barred the +sunlight out, forming as it were a thick grating between me and +the East. I seemed to be advancing towards a second midnight. +In the midst of the intervening twilight, however, before I +entered what appeared to be the darkest portion of the forest, I +saw a country maiden coming towards me from its very depths. She +did not seem to observe me, for she was apparently intent upon a +bunch of wild flowers which she carried in her hand. I could +hardly see her face; for, though she came direct towards me, she +never looked up. But when we met, instead of passing, she turned +and walked alongside of me for a few yards, still keeping her +face downwards, and busied with her flowers. She spoke rapidly, +however, all the time, in a low tone, as if talking to herself, +but evidently addressing the purport of her words to me. + +She seemed afraid of being observed by some lurking foe. "Trust +the Oak," said she; "trust the Oak, and the Elm, and the great +Beech. Take care of the Birch, for though she is honest, she is +too young not to be changeable. But shun the Ash and the Alder; +for the Ash is an ogre,--you will know him by his thick fingers; +and the Alder will smother you with her web of hair, if you let +her near you at night." All this was uttered without pause or +alteration of tone. Then she turned suddenly and left me, +walking still with the same unchanging gait. I could not +conjecture what she meant, but satisfied myself with thinking +that it would be time enough to find out her meaning when there +was need to make use of her warning, and that the occasion would +reveal the admonition. I concluded from the flowers that she +carried, that the forest could not be everywhere so dense as it +appeared from where I was now walking; and I was right in this +conclusion. For soon I came to a more open part, and by-and-by +crossed a wide grassy glade, on which were several circles of +brighter green. But even here I was struck with the utter +stillness. No bird sang. No insect hummed. Not a living +creature crossed my way. Yet somehow the whole environment +seemed only asleep, and to wear even in sleep an air of +expectation. The trees seemed all to have an expression of +conscious mystery, as if they said to themselves, "we could, an' +if we would." They had all a meaning look about them. Then I +remembered that night is the fairies' day, and the moon their +sun; and I thought--Everything sleeps and dreams now: when the +night comes, it will be different. At the same time I, being a +man and a child of the day, felt some anxiety as to how I should +fare among the elves and other children of the night who wake +when mortals dream, and find their common life in those wondrous +hours that flow noiselessly over the moveless death-like forms of +men and women and children, lying strewn and parted beneath the +weight of the heavy waves of night, which flow on and beat them +down, and hold them drowned and senseless, until the ebbtide +comes, and the waves sink away, back into the ocean of the dark. +But I took courage and went on. Soon, however, I became again +anxious, though from another cause. I had eaten nothing that +day, and for an hour past had been feeling the want of food. So +I grew afraid lest I should find nothing to meet my human +necessities in this strange place; but once more I comforted +myself with hope and went on. + +Before noon, I fancied I saw a thin blue smoke rising amongst the +stems of larger trees in front of me; and soon I came to an open +spot of ground in which stood a little cottage, so built that the +stems of four great trees formed its corners, while their +branches met and intertwined over its roof, heaping a great cloud +of leaves over it, up towards the heavens. I wondered at finding +a human dwelling in this neighbourhood; and yet it did not look +altogether human, though sufficiently so to encourage me to +expect to find some sort of food. Seeing no door, I went round +to the other side, and there I found one, wide open. A woman sat +beside it, preparing some vegetables for dinner. This was homely +and comforting. As I came near, she looked up, and seeing me, +showed no surprise, but bent her head again over her work, and +said in a low tone: + +"Did you see my daughter?" + +"I believe I did," said I. "Can you give me something to eat, +for I am very hungry?" +"With pleasure," she replied, in the same tone; "but do not say +anything more, till you come into the house, for the Ash is +watching us." + +Having said this, she rose and led the way into the cottage; +which, I now saw, was built of the stems of small trees set +closely together, and was furnished with rough chairs and tables, +from which even the bark had not been removed. As soon as she +had shut the door and set a chair-- + +"You have fairy blood in you," said she, looking hard at me. + +"How do you know that?" + +"You could not have got so far into this wood if it were not so; +and I am trying to find out some trace of it in your countenance. +I think I see it." + +"What do you see?" + +"Oh, never mind: I may be mistaken in that." + +"But how then do you come to live here?" + +"Because I too have fairy blood in me." + +Here I, in my turn, looked hard at her, and thought I could +perceive, notwithstanding the coarseness of her features, and +especially the heaviness of her eyebrows, a something unusual--I +could hardly call it grace, and yet it was an expression that +strangely contrasted with the form of her features. I noticed +too that her hands were delicately formed, though brown with work +and exposure. + +"I should be ill," she continued, "if I did not live on the +borders of the fairies' country, and now and then eat of their +food. And I see by your eyes that you are not quite free of the +same need; though, from your education and the activity of your +mind, you have felt it less than I. You may be further removed +too from the fairy race." + +I remembered what the lady had said about my grandmothers. + +Here she placed some bread and some milk before me, with a kindly +apology for the homeliness of the fare, with which, however, I +was in no humour to quarrel. I now thought it time to try to get +some explanation of the strange words both of her daughter and +herself. + +"What did you mean by speaking so about the Ash?" + +She rose and looked out of the little window. My eyes followed +her; but as the window was too small to allow anything to be seen +from where I was sitting, I rose and looked over her shoulder. I +had just time to see, across the open space, on the edge of the +denser forest, a single large ash-tree, whose foliage showed +bluish, amidst the truer green of the other trees around it; when +she pushed me back with an expression of impatience and terror, +and then almost shut out the light from the window by setting up +a large old book in it. + +"In general," said she, recovering her composure, "there is no +danger in the daytime, for then he is sound asleep; but there is +something unusual going on in the woods; there must be some +solemnity among the fairies to-night, for all the trees are +restless, and although they cannot come awake, they see and hear +in their sleep." + +"But what danger is to be dreaded from him?" + +Instead of answering the question, she went again to the window +and looked out, saying she feared the fairies would be +interrupted by foul weather, for a storm was brewing in the west. + +"And the sooner it grows dark, the sooner the Ash will be awake," +added she. + +I asked her how she knew that there was any unusual excitement in +the woods. She replied-- + +"Besides the look of the trees, the dog there is unhappy; and the +eyes and ears of the white rabbit are redder than usual, and he +frisks about as if he expected some fun. If the cat were at +home, she would have her back up; for the young fairies pull the +sparks out of her tail with bramble thorns, and she knows when +they are coming. So do I, in another way." + + At this instant, a grey cat rushed in like a demon, and +disappeared in a hole in the wall. + +"There, I told you!" said the woman. + + "But what of the ash-tree?" said I, returning once more to the +subject. Here, however, the young woman, whom I had met in the +morning, entered. A smile passed between the mother and +daughter; and then the latter began to help her mother in little +household duties. + +"I should like to stay here till the evening," I said; "and then +go on my journey, if you will allow me." + +"You are welcome to do as you please; only it might be better to +stay all night, than risk the dangers of the wood then. Where +are you going?" + +"Nay, that I do not know," I replied, "but I wish to see all that +is to be seen, and therefore I should like to start just at +sundown." +"You are a bold youth, if you have any idea of what you are +daring; but a rash one, if you know nothing about it; and, excuse +me, you do not seem very well informed about the country and its +manners. However, no one comes here but for some reason, either +known to himself or to those who have charge of him; so you shall +do just as you wish." + +Accordingly I sat down, and feeling rather tired, and disinclined +for further talk, I asked leave to look at the old book which +still screened the window. The woman brought it to me directly, +but not before taking another look towards the forest, and then +drawing a white blind over the window. I sat down opposite to it +by the table, on which I laid the great old volume, and read. It +contained many wondrous tales of Fairy Land, and olden times, and +the Knights of King Arthur's table. I read on and on, till the +shades of the afternoon began to deepen; for in the midst of the +forest it gloomed earlier than in the open country. At length I +came to this passage-- + +"Here it chanced, that upon their quest, Sir Galahad and Sir +Percivale rencountered in the depths of a great forest. Now, Sir +Galahad was dight all in harness of silver, clear and shining; +the which is a delight to look upon, but full hasty to tarnish, +and withouten the labour of a ready squire, uneath to be kept +fair and clean. And yet withouten squire or page, Sir Galahad's +armour shone like the moon. And he rode a great white mare, +whose bases and other housings were black, but all besprent with +fair lilys of silver sheen. Whereas Sir Percivale bestrode a red +horse, with a tawny mane and tail; whose trappings were all to- +smirched with mud and mire; and his armour was wondrous rosty to +behold, ne could he by any art furbish it again; so that as the +sun in his going down shone twixt the bare trunks of the trees, +full upon the knights twain, the one did seem all shining with +light, and the other all to glow with ruddy fire. Now it came +about in this wise. For Sir Percivale, after his escape from the +demon lady, whenas the cross on the handle of his sword smote him +to the heart, and he rove himself through the thigh, and escaped +away, he came to a great wood; and, in nowise cured of his fault, +yet bemoaning the same, the damosel of the alder tree encountered +him, right fair to see; and with her fair words and false +countenance she comforted him and beguiled him, until he followed +her where she led him to a---" + +Here a low hurried cry from my hostess caused me to look up from +the book, and I read no more. + +"Look there!" she said; "look at his fingers!" + +Just as I had been reading in the book, the setting sun was +shining through a cleft in the clouds piled up in the west; and a +shadow as of a large distorted hand, with thick knobs and humps +on the fingers, so that it was much wider across the fingers than +across the undivided part of the hand, passed slowly over the +little blind, and then as slowly returned in the opposite +direction. + +"He is almost awake, mother; and greedier than usual to-night." + +"Hush, child; you need not make him more angry with us than he +is; for you do not know how soon something may happen to oblige +us to be in the forest after nightfall." + +"But you are in the forest," said I; "how is it that you are safe +here?" + +"He dares not come nearer than he is now," she replied; "for any +of those four oaks, at the corners of our cottage, would tear him +to pieces; they are our friends. But he stands there and makes +awful faces at us sometimes, and stretches out his long arms and +fingers, and tries to kill us with fright; for, indeed, that is +his favourite way of doing. Pray, keep out of his way to-night." + +"Shall I be able to see these things?" said I. + +"That I cannot tell yet, not knowing how much of the fairy nature +there is in you. But we shall soon see whether you can discern +the fairies in my little garden, and that will be some guide to +us." + +"Are the trees fairies too, as well as the flowers?" I asked. + +"They are of the same race," she replied; "though those you call +fairies in your country are chiefly the young children of the +flower fairies. They are very fond of having fun with the thick +people, as they call you; for, like most children, they like fun +better than anything else." + +"Why do you have flowers so near you then? Do they not annoy +you?" + +"Oh, no, they are very amusing, with their mimicries of grown +people, and mock solemnities. Sometimes they will act a whole +play through before my eyes, with perfect composure and +assurance, for they are not afraid of me. Only, as soon as they +have done, they burst into peals of tiny laughter, as if it was +such a joke to have been serious over anything. These I speak +of, however, are the fairies of the garden. They are more staid +and educated than those of the fields and woods. Of course they +have near relations amongst the wild flowers, but they patronise +them, and treat them as country cousins, who know nothing of +life, and very little of manners. Now and then, however, they +are compelled to envy the grace and simplicity of the natural +flowers." + +"Do they live IN the flowers?" I said. + +"I cannot tell," she replied. "There is something in it I do not +understand. Sometimes they disappear altogether, even from me, +though I know they are near. They seem to die always with the +flowers they resemble, and by whose names they are called; but +whether they return to life with the fresh flowers, or, whether +it be new flowers, new fairies, I cannot tell. They have as many +sorts of dispositions as men and women, while their moods are yet +more variable; twenty different expressions will cross their +little faces in half a minute. I often amuse myself with +watching them, but I have never been able to make personal +acquaintance with any of them. If I speak to one, he or she +looks up in my face, as if I were not worth heeding, gives a +little laugh, and runs away." Here the woman started, as if +suddenly recollecting herself, and said in a low voice to her +daughter, "Make haste--go and watch him, and see in what +direction he goes." + +I may as well mention here, that the conclusion I arrived at from +the observations I was afterwards able to make, was, that the +flowers die because the fairies go away; not that the fairies +disappear because the flowers die. The flowers seem a sort of +houses for them, or outer bodies, which they can put on or off +when they please. Just as you could form some idea of the nature +of a man from the kind of house he built, if he followed his own +taste, so you could, without seeing the fairies, tell what any +one of them is like, by looking at the flower till you feel that +you understand it. For just what the flower says to you, would +the face and form of the fairy say; only so much more plainly as +a face and human figure can express more than a flower. For the +house or the clothes, though like the inhabitant or the wearer, +cannot be wrought into an equal power of utterance. Yet you +would see a strange resemblance, almost oneness, between the +flower and the fairy, which you could not describe, but which +described itself to you. Whether all the flowers have fairies, I +cannot determine, any more than I can be sure whether all men and +women have souls. + +The woman and I continued the conversation for a few minutes +longer. I was much interested by the information she gave me, +and astonished at the language in which she was able to convey +it. It seemed that intercourse with the fairies was no bad +education in itself. But now the daughter returned with the +news, that the Ash had just gone away in a south-westerly +direction; and, as my course seemed to lie eastward, she hoped I +should be in no danger of meeting him if I departed at once. I +looked out of the little window, and there stood the ash-tree, to +my eyes the same as before; but I believed that they knew better +than I did, and prepared to go. I pulled out my purse, but to my +dismay there was nothing in it. The woman with a smile begged me +not to trouble myself, for money was not of the slightest use +there; and as I might meet with people in my journeys whom I +could not recognise to be fairies, it was well I had no money to +offer, for nothing offended them so much. + +"They would think," she added, "that you were making game of +them; and that is their peculiar privilege with regard to us." +So we went together into the little garden which sloped down +towards a lower part of the wood. + +Here, to my great pleasure, all was life and bustle. There was +still light enough from the day to see a little; and the pale +half-moon, halfway to the zenith, was reviving every moment. The +whole garden was like a carnival, with tiny, gaily decorated +forms, in groups, assemblies, processions, pairs or trios, moving +stately on, running about wildly, or sauntering hither or +thither. From the cups or bells of tall flowers, as from +balconies, some looked down on the masses below, now bursting +with laughter, now grave as owls; but even in their deepest +solemnity, seeming only to be waiting for the arrival of the next +laugh. Some were launched on a little marshy stream at the +bottom, in boats chosen from the heaps of last year's leaves that +lay about, curled and withered. These soon sank with them; +whereupon they swam ashore and got others. Those who took fresh +rose-leaves for their boats floated the longest; but for these +they had to fight; for the fairy of the rose-tree complained +bitterly that they were stealing her clothes, and defended her +property bravely. + +"You can't wear half you've got," said some. + +"Never you mind; I don't choose you to have them: they are my +property." + +"All for the good of the community!" said one, and ran off with a +great hollow leaf. But the rose-fairy sprang after him (what a +beauty she was! only too like a drawing-room young lady), knocked +him heels-over-head as he ran, and recovered her great red leaf. +But in the meantime twenty had hurried off in different +directions with others just as good; and the little creature sat +down and cried, and then, in a pet, sent a perfect pink snowstorm +of petals from her tree, leaping from branch to branch, and +stamping and shaking and pulling. At last, after another good +cry, she chose the biggest she could find, and ran away laughing, +to launch her boat amongst the rest. + +But my attention was first and chiefly attracted by a group of +fairies near the cottage, who were talking together around what +seemed a last dying primrose. They talked singing, and their +talk made a song, something like this: + + + + "Sister Snowdrop died + Before we were born." + "She came like a bride + In a snowy morn." + "What's a bride?" + "What is snow? + "Never tried." + "Do not know." + "Who told you about her?" + "Little Primrose there + Cannot do without her." + "Oh, so sweetly fair!" + "Never fear, + She will come, + Primrose dear." + "Is she dumb?" + + "She'll come by-and-by." + "You will never see her." + "She went home to dies, + "Till the new year." + "Snowdrop!" "'Tis no good + To invite her." + "Primrose is very rude, + "I will bite her." + + "Oh, you naughty Pocket! + "Look, she drops her head." + "She deserved it, Rocket, + "And she was nearly dead." + "To your hammock--off with you!" + "And swing alone." + "No one will laugh with you." + "No, not one." + + "Now let us moan." + "And cover her o'er." + "Primrose is gone." + "All but the flower." + "Here is a leaf." + "Lay her upon it." + "Follow in grief." + "Pocket has done it." + + "Deeper, poor creature! + Winter may come." + "He cannot reach her-- + That is a hum." + "She is buried, the beauty!" + "Now she is done." + "That was the duty." + "Now for the fun." + + +And with a wild laugh they sprang away, most of them towards the +cottage. During the latter part of the song-talk, they had +formed themselves into a funeral procession, two of them bearing +poor Primrose, whose death Pocket had hastened by biting her +stalk, upon one of her own great leaves. They bore her solemnly +along some distance, and then buried her under a tree. Although +I say HER I saw nothing but the withered primrose-flower on its +long stalk. Pocket, who had been expelled from the company by +common consent, went sulkily away towards her hammock, for she +was the fairy of the calceolaria, and looked rather wicked. When +she reached its stem, she stopped and looked round. I could not +help speaking to her, for I stood near her. I said, "Pocket, how +could you be so naughty?" + +"I am never naughty," she said, half-crossly, half-defiantly; +"only if you come near my hammock, I will bite you, and then you +will go away." + +"Why did you bite poor Primrose?" + +"Because she said we should never see Snowdrop; as if we were not +good enough to look at her, and she was, the proud thing!--served +her right!" + +"Oh, Pocket, Pocket," said I; but by this time the party which +had gone towards the house, rushed out again, shouting and +screaming with laughter. Half of them were on the cat's back, +and half held on by her fur and tail, or ran beside her; till, +more coming to their help, the furious cat was held fast; and +they proceeded to pick the sparks out of her with thorns and +pins, which they handled like harpoons. Indeed, there were more +instruments at work about her than there could have been sparks +in her. One little fellow who held on hard by the tip of the +tail, with his feet planted on the ground at an angle of forty- +five degrees, helping to keep her fast, administered a continuous +flow of admonitions to Pussy. + +"Now, Pussy, be patient. You know quite well it is all for your +good. You cannot be comfortable with all those sparks in you; +and, indeed, I am charitably disposed to believe" (here he became +very pompous) "that they are the cause of all your bad temper; so +we must have them all out, every one; else we shall be reduced to +the painful necessity of cutting your claws, and pulling out your +eye-teeth. Quiet! Pussy, quiet!" + +But with a perfect hurricane of feline curses, the poor animal +broke loose, and dashed across the garden and through the hedge, +faster than even the fairies could follow. "Never mind, never +mind, we shall find her again; and by that time she will have +laid in a fresh stock of sparks. Hooray!" And off they set, +after some new mischief. + +But I will not linger to enlarge on the amusing display of these +frolicsome creatures. Their manners and habits are now so well +known to the world, having been so often described by +eyewitnesses, that it would be only indulging self-conceit, to +add my account in full to the rest. I cannot help wishing, +however, that my readers could see them for themselves. +Especially do I desire that they should see the fairy of the +daisy; a little, chubby, round-eyed child, with such innocent +trust in his look! Even the most mischievous of the fairies +would not tease him, although he did not belong to their set at +all, but was quite a little country bumpkin. He wandered about +alone, and looked at everything, with his hands in his little +pockets, and a white night-cap on, the darling! He was not so +beautiful as many other wild flowers I saw afterwards, but so +dear and loving in his looks and little confident ways. + + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + "When bale is att hyest, boote is nyest." + Ballad of Sir Aldingar. + +By this time, my hostess was quite anxious that I should be gone. +So, with warm thanks for their hospitality, I took my leave, and +went my way through the little garden towards the forest. Some +of the garden flowers had wandered into the wood, and were +growing here and there along the path, but the trees soon became +too thick and shadowy for them. I particularly noticed some tall +lilies, which grew on both sides of the way, with large +dazzlingly white flowers, set off by the universal green. It was +now dark enough for me to see that every flower was shining with +a light of its own. Indeed it was by this light that I saw them, +an internal, peculiar light, proceeding from each, and not +reflected from a common source of light as in the daytime. This +light sufficed only for the plant itself, and was not strong +enough to cast any but the faintest shadows around it, or to +illuminate any of the neighbouring objects with other than the +faintest tinge of its own individual hue. From the lilies above +mentioned, from the campanulas, from the foxgloves, and every +bell-shaped flower, curious little figures shot up their heads, +peeped at me, and drew back. They seemed to inhabit them, as +snails their shells but I was sure some of them were intruders, +and belonged to the gnomes or goblin-fairies, who inhabit the +ground and earthy creeping plants. From the cups of Arum lilies, +creatures with great heads and grotesque faces shot up like Jack- +in-the-box, and made grimaces at me; or rose slowly and slily +over the edge of the cup, and spouted water at me, slipping +suddenly back, like those little soldier-crabs that inhabit the +shells of sea-snails. Passing a row of tall thistles, I saw them +crowded with little faces, which peeped every one from behind its +flower, and drew back as quickly; and I heard them saying to each +other, evidently intending me to hear, but the speaker always +hiding behind his tuft, when I looked in his direction, "Look at +him! Look at him! He has begun a story without a beginning, and +it will never have any end. He! he! he! Look at him!" + +But as I went further into the wood, these sights and sounds +became fewer, giving way to others of a different character. A +little forest of wild hyacinths was alive with exquisite +creatures, who stood nearly motionless, with drooping necks, +holding each by the stem of her flower, and swaying gently with +it, whenever a low breath of wind swung the crowded floral +belfry. In like manner, though differing of course in form and +meaning, stood a group of harebells, like little angels waiting, +ready, till they were wanted to go on some yet unknown message. +In darker nooks, by the mossy roots of the trees, or in little +tufts of grass, each dwelling in a globe of its own green light, +weaving a network of grass and its shadows, glowed the glowworms. + +They were just like the glowworms of our own land, for they are +fairies everywhere; worms in the day, and glowworms at night, +when their own can appear, and they can be themselves to others +as well as themselves. But they had their enemies here. For I +saw great strong-armed beetles, hurrying about with most unwieldy +haste, awkward as elephant-calves, looking apparently for +glowworms; for the moment a beetle espied one, through what to it +was a forest of grass, or an underwood of moss, it pounced upon +it, and bore it away, in spite of its feeble resistance. +Wondering what their object could be, I watched one of the +beetles, and then I discovered a thing I could not account for. +But it is no use trying to account for things in Fairy Land; and +one who travels there soon learns to forget the very idea of +doing so, and takes everything as it comes; like a child, who, +being in a chronic condition of wonder, is surprised at nothing. +What I saw was this. Everywhere, here and there over the ground, +lay little, dark-looking lumps of something more like earth than +anything else, and about the size of a chestnut. The beetles +hunted in couples for these; and having found one, one of them +stayed to watch it, while the other hurried to find a glowworm. +By signals, I presume, between them, the latter soon found his +companion again: they then took the glowworm and held its +luminous tail to the dark earthly pellet; when lo, it shot up +into the air like a sky-rocket, seldom, however, reaching the +height of the highest tree. Just like a rocket too, it burst in +the air, and fell in a shower of the most gorgeously coloured +sparks of every variety of hue; golden and red, and purple and +green, and blue and rosy fires crossed and inter-crossed each +other, beneath the shadowy heads, and between the columnar stems +of the forest trees. They never used the same glowworm twice, I +observed; but let him go, apparently uninjured by the use they +had made of him. + +In other parts, the whole of the immediately surrounding foliage +was illuminated by the interwoven dances in the air of splendidly +coloured fire-flies, which sped hither and thither, turned, +twisted, crossed, and recrossed, entwining every complexity of +intervolved motion. Here and there, whole mighty trees glowed +with an emitted phosphorescent light. You could trace the very +course of the great roots in the earth by the faint light that +came through; and every twig, and every vein on every leaf was a +streak of pale fire. + +All this time, as I went through the wood, I was haunted with the +feeling that other shapes, more like my own size and mien, were +moving about at a little distance on all sides of me. But as yet +I could discern none of them, although the moon was high enough +to send a great many of her rays down between the trees, and +these rays were unusually bright, and sight-giving, +notwithstanding she was only a half-moon. I constantly imagined, +however, that forms were visible in all directions except that to +which my gaze was turned; and that they only became invisible, or +resolved themselves into other woodland shapes, the moment my +looks were directed towards them. However this may have been, +except for this feeling of presence, the woods seemed utterly +bare of anything like human companionship, although my glance +often fell on some object which I fancied to be a human form; for +I soon found that I was quite deceived; as, the moment I fixed my +regard on it, it showed plainly that it was a bush, or a tree, or +a rock. + +Soon a vague sense of discomfort possessed me. With variations +of relief, this gradually increased; as if some evil thing were +wandering about in my neighbourhood, sometimes nearer and +sometimes further off, but still approaching. The +feelingcontinued and deepened, until all my pleasure in the shows +of various kinds that everywhere betokened the presence of the +merry fairies vanished by degrees, and left me full of anxiety +and fear, which I was unable to associate with any definite +object whatever. At length the thought crossed my mind with +horror: "Can it be possible that the Ash is looking for me? or +that, in his nightly wanderings, his path is gradually verging +towards mine?" I comforted myself, however, by remembering that +he had started quite in another direction; one that would lead +him, if he kept it, far apart from me; especially as, for the +last two or three hours, I had been diligently journeying +eastward. I kept on my way, therefore, striving by direct effort +of the will against the encroaching fear; and to this end +occupying my mind, as much as I could, with other thoughts. I +was so far successful that, although I was conscious, if I +yielded for a moment, I should be almost overwhelmed with horror, +I was yet able to walk right on for an hour or more. What I +feared I could not tell. Indeed, I was left in a state of the +vaguest uncertainty as regarded the nature of my enemy, and knew +not the mode or object of his attacks; for, somehow or other, +none of my questions had succeeded in drawing a definite answer +from the dame in the cottage. How then to defend myself I knew +not; nor even by what sign I might with certainty recognise the +presence of my foe; for as yet this vague though powerful fear +was all the indication of danger I had. To add to my distress, +the clouds in the west had risen nearly to the top of the skies, +and they and the moon were travelling slowly towards each other. +Indeed, some of their advanced guard had already met her, and she +had begun to wade through a filmy vapour that gradually deepened. + +At length she was for a moment almost entirely obscured. When +she shone out again, with a brilliancy increased by the contrast, +I saw plainly on the path before me--from around which at this +spot the trees receded, leaving a small space of green sward--the +shadow of a large hand, with knotty joints and protuberances here +and there. Especially I remarked, even in the midst of my fear, +the bulbous points of the fingers. I looked hurriedly all +around, but could see nothing from which such a shadow should +fall. Now, however, that I had a direction, however +undetermined, in which to project my apprehension, the very sense +of danger and need of action overcame that stifling which is the +worst property of fear. I reflected in a moment, that if this +were indeed a shadow, it was useless to look for the object that +cast it in any other direction than between the shadow and the +moon. I looked, and peered, and intensified my vision, all to no +purpose. I could see nothing of that kind, not even an ash-tree +in the neighbourhood. Still the shadow remained; not steady, but +moving to and fro, and once I saw the fingers close, and grind +themselves close, like the claws of a wild animal, as if in +uncontrollable longing for some anticipated prey. There seemed +but one mode left of discovering the substance of this shadow. I +went forward boldly, though with an inward shudder which I would +not heed, to the spot where the shadow lay, threw myself on the +ground, laid my head within the form of the hand, and turned my +eyes towards the moon Good heavens! what did I see? I wonder +that ever I arose, and that the very shadow of the hand did not +hold me where I lay until fear had frozen my brain. I saw the +strangest figure; vague, shadowy, almost transparent, in the +central parts, and gradually deepening in substance towards the +outside, until it ended in extremities capable of casting such a +shadow as fell from the hand, through the awful fingers of which +I now saw the moon. The hand was uplifted in the attitude of a +paw about to strike its prey. But the face, which throbbed with +fluctuating and pulsatory visibility--not from changes in the +light it reflected, but from changes in its own conditions of +reflecting power, the alterations being from within, not from +without--it was horrible. I do not know how to describe it. It +caused a new sensation. Just as one cannot translate a horrible +odour, or a ghastly pain, or a fearful sound, into words, so I +cannot describe this new form of awful hideousness. I can only +try to describe something that is not it, but seems somewhat +parallel to it; or at least is suggested by it. It reminded me +of what I had heard of vampires; for the face resembled that of a +corpse more than anything else I can think of; especially when I +can conceive such a face in motion, but not suggesting any life +as the source of the motion. The features were rather handsome +than otherwise, except the mouth, which had scarcely a curve in +it. The lips were of equal thickness; but the thickness was not +at all remarkable, even although they looked slightly swollen. +They seemed fixedly open, but were not wide apart. Of course I +did not REMARK these lineaments at the time: I was too horrified +for that. I noted them afterwards, when the form returned on my +inward sight with a vividness too intense to admit of my doubting +the accuracy of the reflex. But the most awful of the features +were the eyes. These were alive, yet not with life. + +They seemed lighted up with an infinite greed. A gnawing +voracity, which devoured the devourer, seemed to be the +indwelling and propelling power of the whole ghostly apparition. +I lay for a few moments simply imbruted with terror; when another +cloud, obscuring the moon, delivered me from the immediately +paralysing effects of the presence to the vision of the object of +horror, while it added the force of imagination to the power of +fear within me; inasmuch as, knowing far worse cause for +apprehension than before, I remained equally ignorant from what I +had to defend myself, or how to take any precautions: he might be +upon me in the darkness any moment. I sprang to my feet, and +sped I knew not whither, only away from the spectre. I thought +no longer of the path, and often narrowly escaped dashing myself +against a tree, in my headlong flight of fear. + +Great drops of rain began to patter on the leaves. Thunder began +to mutter, then growl in the distance. I ran on. The rain fell +heavier. At length the thick leaves could hold it up no longer; +and, like a second firmament, they poured their torrents on the +earth. I was soon drenched, but that was nothing. I came to a +small swollen stream that rushed through the woods. I had a +vague hope that if I crossed this stream, I should be in safety +from my pursuer; but I soon found that my hope was as false as it +was vague. I dashed across the stream, ascended a rising ground, +and reached a more open space, where stood only great trees. +Through them I directed my way, holding eastward as nearly as I +could guess, but not at all certain that I was not moving in an +opposite direction. My mind was just reviving a little from its +extreme terror, when, suddenly, a flash of lightning, or rather a +cataract of successive flashes, behind me, seemed to throw on the +ground in front of me, but far more faintly than before, from the +extent of the source of the light, the shadow of the same +horrible hand. I sprang forward, stung to yet wilder speed; but +had not run many steps before my foot slipped, and, vainly +attempting to recover myself, I fell at the foot of one of the +large trees. Half-stunned, I yet raised myself, and almost +involuntarily looked back. All I saw was the hand within three +feet of my face. But, at the same moment, I felt two large soft +arms thrown round me from behind; and a voice like a woman's +said: "Do not fear the goblin; he dares not hurt you now." With +that, the hand was suddenly withdrawn as from a fire, and +disappeared in the darkness and the rain. Overcome with the +mingling of terror and joy, I lay for some time almost +insensible. The first thing I remember is the sound of a voice +above me, full and low, and strangely reminding me of the sound +of a gentle wind amidst the leaves of a great tree. It murmured +over and over again: "I may love him, I may love him; for he is +a man, and I am only a beech-tree." I found I was seated on the +ground, leaning against a human form, and supported still by the +arms around me, which I knew to be those of a woman who must be +rather above the human size, and largely proportioned. I turned +my head, but without moving otherwise, for I feared lest the arms +should untwine themselves; and clear, somewhat mournful eyes met +mine. At least that is how they impressed me; but I could see +very little of colour or outline as we sat in the dark and rainy +shadow of the tree. The face seemed very lovely, and solemn from +its stillness; with the aspect of one who is quite content, but +waiting for something. I saw my conjecture from her arms was +correct: she was above the human scale throughout, but not +greatly. + +"Why do you call yourself a beech-tree?" I said. + +"Because I am one," she replied, in the same low, musical, +murmuring voice. + +"You are a woman," I returned. + +"Do you think so? Am I very like a woman then?" + +"You are a very beautiful woman. Is it possible you should not +know it?" + +"I am very glad you think so. I fancy I feel like a woman +sometimes. I do so to-night--and always when the rain drips from +my hair. For there is an old prophecy in our woods that one day +we shall all be men and women like you. Do you know anything +about it in your region? Shall I be very happy when I am a +woman? I fear not, for it is always in nights like these that I +feel like one. But I long to be a woman for all that." + +I had let her talk on, for her voice was like a solution of all +musical sounds. I now told her that I could hardly say whether +women were happy or not. I knew one who had not been happy; and +for my part, I had often longed for Fairy Land, as she now longed +for the world of men. But then neither of us had lived long, and +perhaps people grew happier as they grew older. Only I doubted +it. + +I could not help sighing. She felt the sigh, for her arms were +still round me. She asked me how old I was. + +"Twenty-one," said I. + +"Why, you baby!" said she, and kissed me with the sweetest kiss +of winds and odours. There was a cool faithfulness in the kiss +that revived my heart wonderfully. I felt that I feared the +dreadful Ash no more. + +"What did the horrible Ash want with me?" I said. + +"I am not quite sure, but I think he wants to bury you at the +foot of his tree. But he shall not touch you, my child." + +"Are all the ash-trees as dreadful as he?" + +"Oh, no. They are all disagreeable selfish creatures--(what +horrid men they will make, if it be true!)--but this one has a +hole in his heart that nobody knows of but one or two; and he is +always trying to fill it up, but he cannot. That must be what he +wanted you for. I wonder if he will ever be a man. If he is, I +hope they will kill him." + +"How kind of you to save me from him!" + +"I will take care that he shall not come near you again. But +there are some in the wood more like me, from whom, alas! I +cannot protect you. Only if you see any of them very beautiful, +try to walk round them." + +"What then?" + +"I cannot tell you more. But now I must tie some of my hair +about you, and then the Ash will not touch you. Here, cut some +off. You men have strange cutting things about you." + +She shook her long hair loose over me, never moving her arms. + +"I cannot cut your beautiful hair. It would be a shame." + +"Not cut my hair! It will have grown long enough before any is +wanted again in this wild forest. Perhaps it may never be of any +use again--not till I am a woman." And she sighed. + +As gently as I could, I cut with a knife a long tress of flowing, +dark hair, she hanging her beautiful head over me. When I had +finished, she shuddered and breathed deep, as one does when an +acute pain, steadfastly endured without sign of suffering, is at +length relaxed. She then took the hair and tied it round me, +singing a strange, sweet song, which I could not understand, but +which left in me a feeling like this-- + + "I saw thee ne'er before; + I see thee never more; + But love, and help, and pain, beautiful one, + Have made thee mine, till all my years are done." + +I cannot put more of it into words. She closed her arms about me +again, and went on singing. The rain in the leaves, and a light +wind that had arisen, kept her song company. I was wrapt in a +trance of still delight. It told me the secret of the woods, and +the flowers, and the birds. At one time I felt as if I was +wandering in childhood through sunny spring forests, over carpets +of primroses, anemones, and little white starry things--I had +almost said creatures, and finding new wonderful flowers at every +turn. At another, I lay half dreaming in the hot summer noon, +with a book of old tales beside me, beneath a great beech; or, in +autumn, grew sad because I trod on the leaves that had sheltered +me, and received their last blessing in the sweet odours of +decay; or, in a winter evening, frozen still, looked up, as I +went home to a warm fireside, through the netted boughs and twigs +to the cold, snowy moon, with her opal zone around her. At last +I had fallen asleep; for I know nothing more that passed till I +found myself lying under a superb beech-tree, in the clear light +of the morning, just before sunrise. Around me was a girdle of +fresh beech-leaves. Alas! I brought nothing with me out of +Fairy Land, but memories--memories. The great boughs of the +beech hung drooping around me. At my head rose its smooth stem, +with its great sweeps of curving surface that swelled like +undeveloped limbs. The leaves and branches above kept on the +song which had sung me asleep; only now, to my mind, it sounded +like a farewell and a speedwell. I sat a long time, unwilling to +go; but my unfinished story urged me on. I must act and wander. +With the sun well risen, I rose, and put my arms as far as they +would reach around the beech-tree, and kissed it, and said good- +bye. A trembling went through the leaves; a few of the last +drops of the night's rain fell from off them at my feet; and as I +walked slowly away, I seemed to hear in a whisper once more the +words: "I may love him, I may love him; for he is a man, and I +am only a beech-tree." + + + + + +CHAPTER V + + "And she was smooth and full, as if one gush + Of life had washed her, or as if a sleep + Lay on her eyelid, easier to sweep + Than bee from daisy." + BEDDOIS' Pygmalion. + + "Sche was as whyt as lylye yn May, + Or snow that sneweth yn wynterys day." + Romance of Sir Launfal. + + +I walked on, in the fresh morning air, as if new-born. The only +thing that damped my pleasure was a cloud of something between +sorrow and delight that crossed my mind with the frequently +returning thought of my last night's hostess. "But then," +thought I, "if she is sorry, I could not help it; and she has all +the pleasures she ever had. Such a day as this is surely a joy +to her, as much at least as to me. And her life will perhaps be +the richer, for holding now within it the memory of what came, +but could not stay. And if ever she is a woman, who knows but we +may meet somewhere? there is plenty of room for meeting in the +universe." Comforting myself thus, yet with a vague compunction, +as if I ought not to have left her, I went on. There was little +to distinguish the woods to-day from those of my own land; except +that all the wild things, rabbits, birds, squirrels, mice, and +the numberless other inhabitants, were very tame; that is, they +did not run away from me, but gazed at me as I passed, frequently +coming nearer, as if to examine me more closely. Whether this +came from utter ignorance, or from familiarity with the human +appearance of beings who never hurt them, I could not tell. As I +stood once, looking up to the splendid flower of a parasite, +which hung from the branch of a tree over my head, a large white +rabbit cantered slowly up, put one of its little feet on one of +mine, and looked up at me with its red eyes, just as I had been +looking up at the flower above me. I stooped and stroked it; but +when I attempted to lift it, it banged the ground with its hind +feet and scampered off at a great rate, turning, however, to look +at me several times before I lost sight of it. Now and then, +too, a dim human figure would appear and disappear, at some +distance, amongst the trees, moving like a sleep-walker. But no +one ever came near me. + +This day I found plenty of food in the forest--strange nuts and +fruits I had never seen before. I hesitated to eat them; but +argued that, if I could live on the air of Fairy Land, I could +live on its food also. I found my reasoning correct, and the +result was better than I had hoped; for it not only satisfied my +hunger, but operated in such a way upon my senses that I was +brought into far more complete relationship with the things +around me. The human forms appeared much more dense and defined; +more tangibly visible, if I may say so. I seemed to know better +which direction to choose when any doubt arose. I began to feel +in some degree what the birds meant in their songs, though I +could not express it in words, any more than you can some +landscapes. At times, to my surprise, I found myself listening +attentively, and as if it were no unusual thing with me, to a +conversation between two squirrels or monkeys. The subjects were +not very interesting, except as associated with the individual +life and necessities of the little creatures: where the best nuts +were to be found in the neighbourhood, and who could crack them +best, or who had most laid up for the winter, and such like; only +they never said where the store was. There was no great +difference in kind between their talk and our ordinary human +conversation. Some of the creatures I never heard speak at all, +and believe they never do so, except under the impulse of some +great excitement. The mice talked; but the hedgehogs seemed very +phlegmatic; and though I met a couple of moles above ground +several times, they never said a word to each other in my +hearing. There were no wild beasts in the forest; at least, I +did not see one larger than a wild cat. There were plenty of +snakes, however, and I do not think they were all harmless; but +none ever bit me. + +Soon after mid-day I arrived at a bare rocky hill, of no great +size, but very steep; and having no trees--scarcely even a bush-- +upon it, entirely exposed to the heat of the sun. Over this my +way seemed to lie, and I immediately began the ascent. On +reaching the top, hot and weary, I looked around me, and saw that +the forest still stretched as far as the sight could reach on +every side of me. I observed that the trees, in the direction in +which I was about to descend, did not come so near the foot of +the hill as on the other side, and was especially regretting the +unexpected postponement of shelter, because this side of the hill +seemed more difficult to descend than the other had been to +climb, when my eye caught the appearance of a natural path, +winding down through broken rocks and along the course of a tiny +stream, which I hoped would lead me more easily to the foot. I +tried it, and found the descent not at all laborious; +nevertheless, when I reached the bottom, I was very tired and +exhausted with the heat. But just where the path seemed to end, +rose a great rock, quite overgrown with shrubs and creeping +plants, some of them in full and splendid blossom: these almost +concealed an opening in the rock, into which the path appeared to +lead. I entered, thirsting for the shade which it promised. +What was my delight to find a rocky cell, all the angles rounded +away with rich moss, and every ledge and projection crowded with +lovely ferns, the variety of whose forms, and groupings, and +shades wrought in me like a poem; for such a harmony could not +exist, except they all consented to some one end! A little well +of the clearest water filled a mossy hollow in one corner. I +drank, and felt as if I knew what the elixir of life must be; +then threw myself on a mossy mound that lay like a couch along +the inner end. Here I lay in a delicious reverie for some time; +during which all lovely forms, and colours, and sounds seemed to +use my brain as a common hall, where they could come and go, +unbidden and unexcused. I had never imagined that such capacity +for simple happiness lay in me, as was now awakened by this +assembly of forms and spiritual sensations, which yet were far +too vague to admit of being translated into any shape common to +my own and another mind. I had lain for an hour, I should +suppose, though it may have been far longer, when, the harmonious +tumult in my mind having somewhat relaxed, I became aware that my +eyes were fixed on a strange, time-worn bas-relief on the rock +opposite to me. This, after some pondering, I concluded to +represent Pygmalion, as he awaited the quickening of his statue. +The sculptor sat more rigid than the figure to which his eyes +were turned. That seemed about to step from its pedestal and +embrace the man, who waited rather than expected. + +"A lovely story," I said to myself. "This cave, now, with the +bushes cut away from the entrance to let the light in, might be +such a place as he would choose, withdrawn from the notice of +men, to set up his block of marble, and mould into a visible body +the thought already clothed with form in the unseen hall of the +sculptor's brain. And, indeed, if I mistake not," I said, +starting up, as a sudden ray of light arrived at that moment +through a crevice in the roof, and lighted up a small portion of +the rock, bare of vegetation, "this very rock is marble, white +enough and delicate enough for any statue, even if destined to +become an ideal woman in the arms of the sculptor." + +I took my knife and removed the moss from a part of the block on +which I had been lying; when, to my surprise, I found it more +like alabaster than ordinary marble, and soft to the edge of the +knife. In fact, it was alabaster. By an inexplicable, though by +no means unusual kind of impulse, I went on removing the moss +from the surface of the stone; and soon saw that it was polished, +or at least smooth, throughout. I continued my labour; and after +clearing a space of about a couple of square feet, I observed +what caused me to prosecute the work with more interest and care +than before. For the ray of sunlight had now reached the spot I +had cleared, and under its lustre the alabaster revealed its +usual slight transparency when polished, except where my knife +had scratched the surface; and I observed that the transparency +seemed to have a definite limit, and to end upon an opaque body +like the more solid, white marble. I was careful to scratch no +more. And first, a vague anticipation gave way to a startling +sense of possibility; then, as I proceeded, one revelation after +another produced the entrancing conviction, that under the crust +of alabaster lay a dimly visible form in marble, but whether of +man or woman I could not yet tell. I worked on as rapidly as the +necessary care would permit; and when I had uncovered the whole +mass, and rising from my knees, had retreated a little way, so +that the effect of the whole might fall on me, I saw before me +with sufficient plainness--though at the same time with +considerable indistinctness, arising from the limited amount of +light the place admitted, as well as from the nature of the +object itself--a block of pure alabaster enclosing the form, +apparently in marble, of a reposing woman. She lay on one side, +with her hand under her cheek, and her face towards me; but her +hair had fallen partly over her face, so that I could not see the +expression of the whole. What I did see appeared to me perfectly +lovely; more near the face that had been born with me in my soul, +than anything I had seen before in nature or art. The actual +outlines of the rest of the form were so indistinct, that the +more than semi-opacity of the alabaster seemed insufficient to +account for the fact; and I conjectured that a light robe added +its obscurity. Numberless histories passed through my mind of +change of substance from enchantment and other causes, and of +imprisonments such as this before me. I thought of the Prince of +the Enchanted City, half marble and half a man; of Ariel; of +Niobe; of the Sleeping Beauty in the Wood; of the bleeding trees; +and many other histories. Even my adventure of the preceding +evening with the lady of the beech-tree contributed to arouse the +wild hope, that by some means life might be given to this form +also, and that, breaking from her alabaster tomb, she might +glorify my eyes with her presence. "For," I argued, "who can +tell but this cave may be the home of Marble, and this, essential +Marble--that spirit of marble which, present throughout, makes it +capable of being moulded into any form? Then if she should +awake! But how to awake her? A kiss awoke the Sleeping Beauty! +a kiss cannot reach her through the incrusting alabaster." I +kneeled, however, and kissed the pale coffin; but she slept on. +I bethought me of Orpheus, and the following stones--that trees +should follow his music seemed nothing surprising now. Might not +a song awake this form, that the glory of motion might for a time +displace the loveliness of rest? Sweet sounds can go where +kisses may not enter. I sat and thought. Now, although always +delighting in music, I had never been gifted with the power of +song, until I entered the fairy forest. I had a voice, and I had +a true sense of sound; but when I tried to sing, the one would +not content the other, and so I remained silent. This morning, +however, I had found myself, ere I was aware, rejoicing in a +song; but whether it was before or after I had eaten of the +fruits of the forest, I could not satisfy myself. I concluded it +was after, however; and that the increased impulse to sing I now +felt, was in part owing to having drunk of the little well, which +shone like a brilliant eye in a corner of the cave. It saw down +on the ground by the "antenatal tomb," leaned upon it with my +face towards the head of the figure within, and sang--the words +and tones coming together, and inseparably connected, as if word +and tone formed one thing; or, as if each word could be uttered +only in that tone, and was incapable of distinction from it, +except in idea, by an acute analysis. I sang something like +this: but the words are only a dull representation of a state +whose very elevation precluded the possibility of remembrance; +and in which I presume the words really employed were as far +above these, as that state transcended this wherein I recall it: + + "Marble woman, vainly sleeping + In the very death of dreams! + Wilt thou--slumber from thee sweeping, + All but what with vision teems-- + Hear my voice come through the golden + Mist of memory and hope; + And with shadowy smile embolden + Me with primal Death to cope? + + "Thee the sculptors all pursuing, + Have embodied but their own; + Round their visions, form enduring, + Marble vestments thou hast thrown; + But thyself, in silence winding, + Thou hast kept eternally; + Thee they found not, many finding-- + I have found thee: wake for me." + + +As I sang, I looked earnestly at the face so vaguely revealed +before me. I fancied, yet believed it to be but fancy, that +through the dim veil of the alabaster, I saw a motion of the head +as if caused by a sinking sigh. I gazed more earnestly, and +concluded that it was but fancy. Neverthless I could not help +singing again-- + + "Rest is now filled full of beauty, + And can give thee up, I ween; + Come thou forth, for other duty + Motion pineth for her queen. + + "Or, if needing years to wake thee + From thy slumbrous solitudes, + Come, sleep-walking, and betake thee + To the friendly, sleeping woods. + + Sweeter dreams are in the forest, + Round thee storms would never rave; + And when need of rest is sorest, + Glide thou then into thy cave. + + "Or, if still thou choosest rather + Marble, be its spell on me; + Let thy slumber round me gather, + Let another dream with thee!" + + +Again I paused, and gazed through the stony shroud, as if, by +very force of penetrative sight, I would clear every lineament of +the lovely face. And now I thought the hand that had lain under +the cheek, had slipped a little downward. But then I could not +be sure that I had at first observed its position accurately. So +I sang again; for the longing had grown into a passionate need of +seeing her alive-- + + "Or art thou Death, O woman? for since I + Have set me singing by thy side, + Life hath forsook the upper sky, + And all the outer world hath died. + + "Yea, I am dead; for thou hast drawn + My life all downward unto thee. + Dead moon of love! let twilight dawn: + Awake! and let the darkness flee. + + "Cold lady of the lovely stone! + Awake! or I shall perish here; + And thou be never more alone, + My form and I for ages near. + + "But words are vain; reject them all-- + They utter but a feeble part: + Hear thou the depths from which they call, + The voiceless longing of my heart." + + +There arose a slightly crashing sound. Like a sudden apparition +that comes and is gone, a white form, veiled in a light robe of +whiteness, burst upwards from the stone, stood, glided forth, and +gleamed away towards the woods. For I followed to the mouth of +the cave, as soon as the amazement and concentration of delight +permitted the nerves of motion again to act; and saw the white +form amidst the trees, as it crossed a little glade on the edge +of the forest where the sunlight fell full, seeming to gather +with intenser radiance on the one object that floated rather than +flitted through its lake of beams. I gazed after her in a kind +of despair; found, freed, lost! It seemed useless to follow, yet +follow I must. I marked the direction she took; and without once +looking round to the forsaken cave, I hastened towards the +forest. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +"Ah, let a man beware, when his wishes, fulfilled, rain down +upon him, and his happiness is unbounded." + "Thy red lips, like worms, + Travel over my cheek." + MOTHERWELL. + +But as I crossed the space between the foot of the hill and the +forest, a vision of another kind delayed my steps. Through an +opening to the westward flowed, like a stream, the rays of the +setting sun, and overflowed with a ruddy splendour the open space +where I was. And riding as it were down this stream towards me, +came a horseman in what appeared red armour. From frontlet to +tail, the horse likewise shone red in the sunset. I felt as if I +must have seen the knight before; but as he drew near, I could +recall no feature of his countenance. Ere he came up to me, +however, I remembered the legend of Sir Percival in the rusty +armour, which I had left unfinished in the old book in the +cottage: it was of Sir Percival that he reminded me. And no +wonder; for when he came close up to me, I saw that, from crest +to heel, the whole surface of his armour was covered with a light +rust. The golden spurs shone, but the iron greaves glowed in the +sunlight. The MORNING STAR, which hung from his wrist, glittered +and glowed with its silver and bronze. His whole appearance was +terrible; but his face did not answer to this appearance. It was +sad, even to gloominess; and something of shame seemed to cover +it. Yet it was noble and high, though thus beclouded; and the +form looked lofty, although the head drooped, and the whole frame +was bowed as with an inward grief. The horse seemed to share in +his master's dejection, and walked spiritless and slow. I +noticed, too, that the white plume on his helmet was discoloured +and drooping. "He has fallen in a joust with spears," I said to +myself; "yet it becomes not a noble knight to be conquered in +spirit because his body hath fallen." He appeared not to observe +me, for he was riding past without looking up, and started into a +warlike attitude the moment the first sound of my voice reached +him. Then a flush, as of shame, covered all of his face that the +lifted beaver disclosed. He returned my greeting with distant +courtesy, and passed on. But suddenly, he reined up, sat a +moment still, and then turning his horse, rode back to where I +stood looking after him. + +"I am ashamed," he said, "to appear a knight, and in such a +guise; but it behoves me to tell you to take warning from me, +lest the same evil, in his kind, overtake the singer that has +befallen the knight. Hast thou ever read the story of Sir +Percival and the"--(here he shuddered, that his armour rang)-- +"Maiden of the Alder-tree?" + +"In part, I have," said I; "for yesterday, at the entrance of +this forest, I found in a cottage the volume wherein it is +recorded." +"Then take heed," he rejoined; "for, see my armour--I put it off; +and as it befell to him, so has it befallen to me. I that was +proud am humble now. Yet is she terribly beautiful--beware. +Never," he added, raising his head, "shall this armour be +furbished, but by the blows of knightly encounter, until the last +speck has disappeared from every spot where the battle-axe and +sword of evil-doers, or noble foes, might fall; when I shall +again lift my head, and say to my squire, `Do thy duty once more, +and make this armour shine.'" + +Before I could inquire further, he had struck spurs into his +horse and galloped away, shrouded from my voice in the noise of +his armour. For I called after him, anxious to know more about +this fearful enchantress; but in vain--he heard me not. "Yet," I +said to myself, "I have now been often warned; surely I shall be +well on my guard; and I am fully resolved I shall not be ensnared +by any beauty, however beautiful. Doubtless, some one man may +escape, and I shall be he." So I went on into the wood, still +hoping to find, in some one of its mysterious recesses, my lost +lady of the marble. The sunny afternoon died into the loveliest +twilight. Great bats began to flit about with their own +noiseless flight, seemingly purposeless, because its objects are +unseen. The monotonous music of the owl issued from all +unexpected quarters in the half-darkness around me. The glow- +worm was alight here and there, burning out into the great +universe. The night-hawk heightened all the harmony and +stillness with his oft-recurring, discordant jar. Numberless +unknown sounds came out of the unknown dusk; but all were of +twilight-kind, oppressing the heart as with a condensed +atmosphere of dreamy undefined love and longing. The odours of +night arose, and bathed me in that luxurious mournfulness +peculiar to them, as if the plants whence they floated had been +watered with bygone tears. Earth drew me towards her bosom; I +felt as if I could fall down and kiss her. I forgot I was in +Fairy Land, and seemed to be walking in a perfect night of our +own old nursing earth. Great stems rose about me, uplifting a +thick multitudinous roof above me of branches, and twigs, and +leaves--the bird and insect world uplifted over mine, with its +own landscapes, its own thickets, and paths, and glades, and +dwellings; its own bird-ways and insect-delights. Great boughs +crossed my path; great roots based the tree-columns, and mightily +clasped the earth, strong to lift and strong to uphold. It +seemed an old, old forest, perfect in forest ways and pleasures. +And when, in the midst of this ecstacy, I remembered that under +some close canopy of leaves, by some giant stem, or in some mossy +cave, or beside some leafy well, sat the lady of the marble, whom +my songs had called forth into the outer world, waiting (might it +not be?) to meet and thank her deliverer in a twilight which +would veil her confusion, the whole night became one dream-realm +of joy, the central form of which was everywhere present, +although unbeheld. Then, remembering how my songs seemed to have +called her from the marble, piercing through the pearly shroud of +alabaster--"Why," thought I, "should not my voice reach her now, +through the ebon night that inwraps her." My voice burst into +song so spontaneously that it seemed involuntarily. + + "Not a sound + But, echoing in me, + Vibrates all around + With a blind delight, + Till it breaks on Thee, + Queen of Night! + + Every tree, + O'ershadowing with gloom, + Seems to cover thee + Secret, dark, love-still'd, + In a holy room + Silence-filled. + + "Let no moon + Creep up the heaven to-night; + I in darksome noon + Walking hopefully, + Seek my shrouded light-- + Grope for thee! + + "Darker grow + The borders of the dark! + Through the branches glow, + From the roof above, + Star and diamond-sparks + Light for love." + + +Scarcely had the last sounds floated away from the hearing of my +own ears, when I heard instead a low delicious laugh near me. It +was not the laugh of one who would not be heard, but the laugh of +one who has just received something long and patiently desired--a +laugh that ends in a low musical moan. I started, and, turning +sideways, saw a dim white figure seated beside an intertwining +thicket of smaller trees and underwood. + +"It is my white lady!" I said, and flung myself on the ground +beside her; striving, through the gathering darkness, to get a +glimpse of the form which had broken its marble prison at my +call. + +"It is your white lady!" said the sweetest voice, in reply, +sending a thrill of speechless delight through a heart which all +the love-charms of the preceding day and evening had been +tempering for this culminating hour. Yet, if I would have +confessed it, there was something either in the sound of the +voice, although it seemed sweetness itself, or else in this +yielding which awaited no gradation of gentle approaches, that +did not vibrate harmoniously with the beat of my inward music. +And likewise, when, taking her hand in mine, I drew closer to +her, looking for the beauty of her face, which, indeed, I found +too plenteously, a cold shiver ran through me; but "it is the +marble," I said to myself, and heeded it not. + +She withdrew her hand from mine, and after that would scarce +allow me to touch her. It seemed strange, after the fulness of +her first greeting, that she could not trust me to come close to +her. Though her words were those of a lover, she kept herself +withdrawn as if a mile of space interposed between us. + +"Why did you run away from me when you woke in the cave?" I said. + +"Did I?" she returned. "That was very unkind of me; but I did +not know better." + +"I wish I could see you. The night is very dark." + +"So it is. Come to my grotto. There is light there." + +"Have you another cave, then?" + +"Come and see." + +But she did not move until I rose first, and then she was on her +feet before I could offer my hand to help her. She came close to +my side, and conducted me through the wood. But once or twice, +when, involuntarily almost, I was about to put my arm around her +as we walked on through the warm gloom, she sprang away several +paces, always keeping her face full towards me, and then stood +looking at me, slightly stooping, in the attitude of one who +fears some half-seen enemy. It was too dark to discern the +expression of her face. Then she would return and walk close +beside me again, as if nothing had happened. I thought this +strange; but, besides that I had almost, as I said before, given +up the attempt to account for appearances in Fairy Land, I judged +that it would be very unfair to expect from one who had slept so +long and had been so suddenly awakened, a behaviour correspondent +to what I might unreflectingly look for. I knew not what she +might have been dreaming about. Besides, it was possible that, +while her words were free, her sense of touch might be +exquisitely delicate. + +At length, after walking a long way in the woods, we arrived at +another thicket, through the intertexture of which was glimmering +a pale rosy light. + + "Push aside the branches," she said, "and make room for us to +enter." + +I did as she told me. + +"Go in," she said; "I will follow you." + +I did as she desired, and found myself in a little cave, not very +unlike the marble cave. It was festooned and draperied with all +kinds of green that cling to shady rocks. In the furthest +corner, half- hidden in leaves, through which it glowed, mingling +lovely shadows between them, burned a bright rosy flame on a +little earthen lamp. The lady glided round by the wall from +behind me, still keeping her face towards me, and seated herself +in the furthest corner, with her back to the lamp, which she hid +completely from my view. I then saw indeed a form of perfect +loveliness before me. Almost it seemed as if the light of the +rose-lamp shone through her (for it could not be reflected from +her); such a delicate shade of pink seemed to shadow what in +itself must be a marbly whiteness of hue. I discovered +afterwards, however, that there was one thing in it I did not +like; which was, that the white part of the eye was tinged with +the same slight roseate hue as the rest of the form. It is +strange that I cannot recall her features; but they, as well as +her somewhat girlish figure, left on me simply and only the +impression of intense loveliness. I lay down at her feet, and +gazed up into her face as I lay. She began, and told me a +strange tale, which, likewise, I cannot recollect; but which, at +every turn and every pause, somehow or other fixed my eyes and +thoughts upon her extreme beauty; seeming always to culminate in +something that had a relation, revealed or hidden, but always +operative, with her own loveliness. I lay entranced. It was a +tale which brings back a feeling as of snows and tempests; +torrents and water-sprites; lovers parted for long, and meeting +at last; with a gorgeous summer night to close up the whole. I +listened till she and I were blended with the tale; till she and +I were the whole history. And we had met at last in this same +cave of greenery, while the summer night hung round us heavy with +love, and the odours that crept through the silence from the +sleeping woods were the only signs of an outer world that invaded +our solitude. What followed I cannot clearly remember. The +succeeding horror almost obliterated it. I woke as a grey dawn +stole into the cave. The damsel had disappeared; but in the +shrubbery, at the mouth of the cave, stood a strange horrible +object. It looked like an open coffin set up on one end; only +that the part for the head and neck was defined from the +shoulder-part. In fact, it was a rough representation of the +human frame, only hollow, as if made of decaying bark torn from a +tree. + +It had arms, which were only slightly seamed, down from the +shoulder- blade by the elbow, as if the bark had healed again +from the cut of a knife. But the arms moved, and the hand and +the fingers were tearing asunder a long silky tress of hair. The +thing turned round--it had for a face and front those of my +enchantress, but now of a pale greenish hue in the light of the +morning, and with dead lustreless eyes. In the horror of the +moment, another fear invaded me. I put my hand to my waist, and +found indeed that my girdle of beech-leaves was gone. Hair again +in her hands, she was tearing it fiercely. Once more, as she +turned, she laughed a low laugh, but now full of scorn and +derision; and then she said, as if to a companion with whom she +had been talking while I slept, "There he is; you can take him +now." I lay still, petrified with dismay and fear; for I now saw +another figure beside her, which, although vague and indistinct, +I yet recognised but too well. It was the Ash-tree. My beauty +was the Maid of the Alder! and she was giving me, spoiled of my +only availing defence, into the hands of bent his Gorgon-head, +and entered the cave. I could not stir. He drew near me. His +ghoul-eyes and his ghastly face fascinated me. He came stooping, +with the hideous hand outstretched, like a beast of prey. I had +given myself up to a death of unfathomable horror, when, +suddenly, and just as he was on the point of seizing me, the +dull, heavy blow of an axe echoed through the wood, followed by +others in quick repetition. The Ash shuddered and groaned, +withdrew the outstretched hand, retreated backwards to the mouth +of the cave, then turned and disappeared amongst the trees. The +other walking Death looked at me once, with a careless dislike on +her beautifully moulded features; then, heedless any more to +conceal her hollow deformity, turned her frightful back and +likewise vanished amid the green obscurity without. I lay and +wept. The Maid of the Alder-tree had befooled me--nearly slain +me--in spite of all the warnings I had received from those who +knew my danger. + + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + "Fight on, my men, Sir Andrew sayes, + A little Ime hurt, but yett not slaine; + He but lye downe and bleede awhile, + And then Ile rise and fight againe." + Ballad of Sir Andrew Barton. + +But I could not remain where I was any longer, though the +daylight was hateful to me, and the thought of the great, +innocent, bold sunrise unendurable. Here there was no well to +cool my face, smarting with the bitterness of my own tears. Nor +would I have washed in the well of that grotto, had it flowed +clear as the rivers of Paradise. I rose, and feebly left the +sepulchral cave. I took my way I knew not whither, but still +towards the sunrise. The birds were singing; but not for me. +All the creatures spoke a language of their own, with which I had +nothing to do, and to which I cared not to find the key any more. + +I walked listlessly along. What distressed me most--more even +than my own folly--was the perplexing question, How can beauty +and ugliness dwell so near? Even with her altered complexion and +her face of dislike; disenchanted of the belief that clung around +her; known for a living, walking sepulchre, faithless, deluding, +traitorous; I felt notwithstanding all this, that she was +beautiful. Upon this I pondered with undiminished perplexity, +though not without some gain. Then I began to make surmises as +to the mode of my deliverance; and concluded that some hero, +wandering in search of adventure, had heard how the forest was +infested; and, knowing it was useless to attack the evil thing in +person, had assailed with his battle-axe the body in which he +dwelt, and on which he was dependent for his power of mischief in +the wood. "Very likely," I thought, "the repentant-knight, who +warned me of the evil which has befallen me, was busy retrieving +his lost honour, while I was sinking into the same sorrow with +himself; and, hearing of the dangerous and mysterious being, +arrived at his tree in time to save me from being dragged to its +roots, and buried like carrion, to nourish him for yet deeper +insatiableness." I found afterwards that my conjecture was +correct. I wondered how he had fared when his blows recalled the +Ash himself, and that too I learned afterwards. + +I walked on the whole day, with intervals of rest, but without +food; for I could not have eaten, had any been offered me; till, +in the afternoon, I seemed to approach the outskirts of the +forest, and at length arrived at a farm-house. An unspeakable +joy arose in my heart at beholding an abode of human beings once +more, and I hastened up to the door, and knocked. A +kind-looking, matronly woman, still handsome, made her +appearance; who, as soon as she saw me, said kindly, "Ah, my poor +boy, you have come from the wood! Were you in it last night?" + +I should have ill endured, the day before, to be called BOY; but +now the motherly kindness of the word went to my heart; and, like +a boy indeed, I burst into tears. She soothed me right gently; +and, leading me into a room, made me lie down on a settle, while +she went to find me some refreshment. She soon returned with +food, but I could not eat. She almost compelled me to swallow +some wine, when I revived sufficiently to be able to answer some +of her questions. I told her the whole story. + +"It is just as I feared," she said; "but you are now for the +night beyond the reach of any of these dreadful creatures. It is +no wonder they could delude a child like you. But I must beg +you, when my husband comes in, not to say a word about these +things; for he thinks me even half crazy for believing anything +of the sort. But I must believe my senses, as he cannot believe +beyond his, which give him no intimations of this kind. I think +he could spend the whole of Midsummer-eve in the wood and come +back with the report that he saw nothing worse than himself. +Indeed, good man, he would hardly find anything better than +himself, if he had seven more senses given him." + +"But tell me how it is that she could be so beautiful without any +heart at all--without any place even for a heart to live in." + +"I cannot quite tell," she said; "but I am sure she would not +look so beautiful if she did not take means to make herself look +more beautiful than she is. And then, you know, you began by +being in love with her before you saw her beauty, mistaking her +for the lady of the marble--another kind altogether, I should +think. But the chief thing that makes her beautiful is this: +that, although she loves no man, she loves the love of any man; +and when she finds one in her power, her desire to bewitch him +and gain his love (not for the sake of his love either, but that +she may be conscious anew of her own beauty, through the +admiration he manifests), makes her very lovely--with a self- +destructive beauty, though; for it is that which is constantly +wearing her away within, till, at last, the decay will reach her +face, and her whole front, when all the lovely mask of nothing +will fall to pieces, and she be vanished for ever. So a wise +man, whom she met in the wood some years ago, and who, I think, +for all his wisdom, fared no better than you, told me, when, like +you, he spent the next night here, and recounted to me his +adventures." + +I thanked her very warmly for her solution, though it was but +partial; wondering much that in her, as in woman I met on my +first entering the forest, there should be such superiority to +her apparent condition. Here she left me to take some rest; +though, indeed, I was too much agitated to rest in any other way +than by simply ceasing to move. + +In half an hour, I heard a heavy step approach and enter the +house. A jolly voice, whose slight huskiness appeared to proceed +from overmuch laughter, called out "Betsy, the pigs' trough is +quite empty, and that is a pity. Let them swill, lass! They're +of no use but to get fat. Ha! ha! ha! Gluttony is not forbidden +in their commandments. Ha! ha! ha!" The very voice, kind and +jovial, seemed to disrobe the room of the strange look which all +new places wear--to disenchant it out of the realm of the ideal +into that of the actual. It began to look as if I had known +every corner of it for twenty years; and when, soon after, the +dame came and fetched me to partake of their early supper, the +grasp of his great hand, and the harvest-moon of his benevolent +face, which was needed to light up the rotundity of the globe +beneath it, produced such a reaction in me, that, for a moment, I +could hardly believe that there was a Fairy Land; and that all I +had passed through since I left home, had not been the wandering +dream of a diseased imagination, operating on a too mobile frame, +not merely causing me indeed to travel, but peopling for me with +vague phantoms the regions through which my actual steps had led +me. But the next moment my eye fell upon a little girl who was +sitting in the chimney-corner, with a little book open on her +knee, from which she had apparently just looked up to fix great +inquiring eyes upon me. I believed in Fairy Land again. She +went on with her reading, as soon as she saw that I observed her +looking at me. I went near, and peeping over her shoulder, saw +that she was reading "The History of Graciosa and Percinet." + +"Very improving book, sir," remarked the old farmer, with a good- +humoured laugh. "We are in the very hottest corner of Fairy Land +here. Ha! ha! Stormy night, last night, sir." + +"Was it, indeed?" I rejoined. "It was not so with me. A +lovelier night I never saw." +"Indeed! Where were you last night?" + +"I spent it in the forest. I had lost my way." + +"Ah! then, perhaps, you will be able to convince my good woman, +that there is nothing very remarkable about the forest; for, to +tell the truth, it bears but a bad name in these parts. I dare +say you saw nothing worse than yourself there?" + +"I hope I did," was my inward reply; but, for an audible one, I +contented myself with saying, "Why, I certainly did see some +appearances I could hardly account for; but that is nothing to be +wondered at in an unknown wild forest, and with the uncertain +light of the moon alone to go by." + +"Very true! you speak like a sensible man, sir. We have but few +sensible folks round about us. Now, you would hardly credit it, +but my wife believes every fairy-tale that ever was written. I +cannot account for it. She is a most sensible woman in +everything else." + +"But should not that make you treat her belief with something of +respect, though you cannot share in it yourself?" + +"Yes, that is all very well in theory; but when you come to live +every day in the midst of absurdity, it is far less easy to +behave respectfully to it. Why, my wife actually believes the +story of the `White Cat.' You know it, I dare say." + +"I read all these tales when a child, and know that one +especially well." + +"But, father," interposed the little girl in the chimney-corner, +"you know quite well that mother is descended from that very +princess who was changed by the wicked fairy into a white cat. +Mother has told me so a many times, and you ought to believe +everything she says." + +"I can easily believe that," rejoined the farmer, with another +fit of laughter; "for, the other night, a mouse came gnawing and +scratching beneath the floor, and would not let us go to sleep. +Your mother sprang out of bed, and going as near it as she could, +mewed so infernally like a great cat, that the noise ceased +instantly. I believe the poor mouse died of the fright, for we +have never heard it again. Ha! ha! ha!" + +The son, an ill-looking youth, who had entered during the +conversation, joined in his father's laugh; but his laugh was +very different from the old man's: it was polluted with a sneer. +I watched him, and saw that, as soon as it was over, he looked +scared, as if he dreaded some evil consequences to follow his +presumption. The woman stood near, waiting till we should seat +ourselves at the table, and listening to it all with an amused +air, which had something in it of the look with which one listens +to the sententious remarks of a pompous child. We sat down to +supper, and I ate heartily. My bygone distresses began already +to look far off. + +"In what direction are you going?" asked the old man. + +"Eastward," I replied; nor could I have given a more definite +answer. "Does the forest extend much further in that direction?" + +"Oh! for miles and miles; I do not know how far. For although I +have lived on the borders of it all my life, I have been too busy +to make journeys of discovery into it. Nor do I see what I could +discover. It is only trees and trees, till one is sick of them. +By the way, if you follow the eastward track from here, you will +pass close to what the children say is the very house of the ogre +that Hop-o'-my-Thumb visited, and ate his little daughters with +the crowns of gold." + +"Oh, father! ate his little daughters! No; he only changed their +gold crowns for nightcaps; and the great long-toothed ogre killed +them in mistake; but I do not think even he ate them, for you +know they were his own little ogresses." + +"Well, well, child; you know all about it a great deal better +than I do. However, the house has, of course, in such a foolish +neighbourhood as this, a bad enough name; and I must confess +there is a woman living in it, with teeth long enough, and white +enough too, for the lineal descendant of the greatest ogre that +ever was made. I think you had better not go near her." + +In such talk as this the night wore on. When supper was +finished, which lasted some time, my hostess conducted me to my +chamber. + +"If you had not had enough of it already," she said, "I would +have put you in another room, which looks towards the forest; and +where you would most likely have seen something more of its +inhabitants. For they frequently pass the window, and even enter +the room sometimes. Strange creatures spend whole nights in it, +at certain seasons of the year. I am used to it, and do not mind +it. No more does my little girl, who sleeps in it always. But +this room looks southward towards the open country, and they +never show themselves here; at least I never saw any." + +I was somewhat sorry not to gather any experience that I might +have, of the inhabitants of Fairy Land; but the effect of the +farmer's company, and of my own later adventures, was such, that +I chose rather an undisturbed night in my more human quarters; +which, with their clean white curtains and white linen, were very +inviting to my weariness. + +In the morning I awoke refreshed, after a profound and dreamless +sleep. The sun was high, when I looked out of the window, +shining over a wide, undulating, cultivated country. Various +garden-vegetables were growing beneath my window. Everything was +radiant with clear sunlight. The dew-drops were sparkling their +busiest; the cows in a near-by field were eating as if they had +not been at it all day yesterday; the maids were singing at their +work as they passed to and fro between the out-houses: I did not +believe in Fairy Land. I went down, and found the family already +at breakfast. But before I entered the room where they sat, the +little girl came to me, and looked up in my face, as though she +wanted to say something to me. I stooped towards her; she put +her arms round my neck, and her mouth to my ear, and whispered-- + +"A white lady has been flitting about the house all night." + +"No whispering behind doors!" cried the farmer; and we entered +together. "Well, how have you slept? No bogies, eh?" + +"Not one, thank you; I slept uncommonly well." + +"I am glad to hear it. Come and breakfast." + +After breakfast, the farmer and his son went out; and I was left +alone with the mother and daughter. + +"When I looked out of the window this morning," I said, "I felt +almost certain that Fairy Land was all a delusion of my brain; +but whenever I come near you or your little daughter, I feel +differently. Yet I could persuade myself, after my last +adventures, to go back, and have nothing more to do with such +strange beings." + +"How will you go back?" said the woman. + +"Nay, that I do not know." + +"Because I have heard, that, for those who enter Fairy Land, +there is no way of going back. They must go on, and go through +it. How, I do not in the least know." + +"That is quite the impression on my own mind. Something compels +me to go on, as if my only path was onward, but I feel less +inclined this morning to continue my adventures." + +"Will you come and see my little child's room? She sleeps in the +one I told you of, looking towards the forest." + +"Willingly," I said. + +So we went together, the little girl running before to open the +door for us. It was a large room, full of old-fashioned +furniture, that seemed to have once belonged to some great house. + +The window was built with a low arch, and filled with +lozenge-shaped panes. The wall was very thick, and built of +solid stone. I could see that part of the house had been erected +against the remains of some old castle or abbey, or other great +building; the fallen stones of which had probably served to +complete it. But as soon as I looked out of the window, a gush +of wonderment and longing flowed over my soul like the tide of a +great sea. Fairy Land lay before me, and drew me towards it with +an irresistible attraction. The trees bathed their great heads +in the waves of the morning, while their roots were planted deep +in gloom; save where on the borders the sunshine broke against +their stems, or swept in long streams through their avenues, +washing with brighter hue all the leaves over which it flowed; +revealing the rich brown of the decayed leaves and fallen +pine-cones, and the delicate greens of the long grasses and tiny +forests of moss that covered the channel over which it passed in +motionless rivers of light. I turned hurriedly to bid my hostess +farewell without further delay. She smiled at my haste, but with +an anxious look. + +"You had better not go near the house of the ogre, I think. My +son will show you into another path, which will join the first +beyond it." + +Not wishing to be headstrong or too confident any more, I agreed; +and having taken leave of my kind entertainers, went into the +wood, accompanied by the youth. He scarcely spoke as we went +along; but he led me through the trees till we struck upon a +path. He told me to follow it, and, with a muttered "good +morning" left me. + + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +"I am a part of the part, which at first was the whole." + GOETHE.--Mephistopheles in Faust. + +My spirits rose as I went deeper; into the forest; but I could +not regain my former elasticity of mind. I found cheerfulness to +be like life itself--not to be created by any argument. +Afterwards I learned, that the best way to manage some kinds of +pain fill thoughts, is to dare them to do their worst; to let +them lie and gnaw at your heart till they are tired; and you find +you still have a residue of life they cannot kill. So, better +and worse, I went on, till I came to a little clearing in the +forest. In the middle of this clearing stood a long, low hut, +built with one end against a single tall cypress, which rose like +a spire to the building. A vague misgiving crossed my mind when +I saw it; but I must needs go closer, and look through a little +half-open door, near the opposite end from the cypress. Window I +saw none. On peeping in, and looking towards the further end, I +saw a lamp burning, with a dim, reddish flame, and the head of a +woman, bent downwards, as if reading by its light. I could see +nothing more for a few moments. At length, as my eyes got used +to the dimness of the place, I saw that the part of the rude +building near me was used for household purposes; for several +rough utensils lay here and there, and a bed stood in the corner. + +An irresistible attraction caused me to enter. The woman never +raised her face, the upper part of which alone I could see +distinctly; but, as soon as I stepped within the threshold, she +began to read aloud, in a low and not altogether unpleasing +voice, from an ancient little volume which she held open with one +hand on the table upon which stood the lamp. What she read was +something like this: + +"So, then, as darkness had no beginning, neither will it ever +have an end. So, then, is it eternal. The negation of aught +else, is its affirmation. Where the light cannot come, there +abideth the darkness. The light doth but hollow a mine out of +the infinite extension of the darkness. And ever upon the steps +of the light treadeth the darkness; yea, springeth in fountains +and wells amidst it, from the secret channels of its mighty sea. +Truly, man is but a passing flame, moving unquietly amid the +surrounding rest of night; without which he yet could not be, and +whereof he is in part compounded." + +As I drew nearer, and she read on, she moved a little to turn a +leaf of the dark old volume, and I saw that her face was sallow +and slightly forbidding. Her forehead was high, and her black +eyes repressedly quiet. But she took no notice of me. This end +of the cottage, if cottage it could be called, was destitute of +furniture, except the table with the lamp, and the chair on which +the woman sat. In one corner was a door, apparently of a +cupboard in the wall, but which might lead to a room beyond. +Still the irresistible desire which had made me enter the +building urged me: I must open that door, and see what was +beyond it. I approached, and laid my hand on the rude latch. +Then the woman spoke, but without lifting her head or looking at +me: "You had better not open that door." This was uttered quite +quietly; and she went on with her reading, partly in silence, +partly aloud; but both modes seemed equally intended for herself +alone. The prohibition, however, only increased my desire to +see; and as she took no further notice, I gently opened the door +to its full width, and looked in. At first, I saw nothing worthy +of attention. It seemed a common closet, with shelves on each +hand, on which stood various little necessaries for the humble +uses of a cottage. In one corner stood one or two brooms, in +another a hatchet and other common tools; showing that it was in +use every hour of the day for household purposes. But, as I +looked, I saw that there were no shelves at the back, and that an +empty space went in further; its termination appearing to be a +faintly glimmering wall or curtain, somewhat less, however, than +the width and height of the doorway where I stood. But, as I +continued looking, for a few seconds, towards this faintly +luminous limit, my eyes came into true relation with their +object. All at once, with such a shiver as when one is suddenly +conscious of the presence of another in a room where he has, for +hours, considered himself alone, I saw that the seemingly +luminous extremity was a sky, as of night, beheld through the +long perspective of a narrow, dark passage, through what, or +built of what, I could not tell. As I gazed, I clearly discerned +two or three stars glimmering faintly in the distant blue. But, +suddenly, and as if it had been running fast from a far distance +for this very point, and had turned the corner without abating +its swiftness, a dark figure sped into and along the passage from +the blue opening at the remote end. I started back and +shuddered, but kept looking, for I could not help it. On and on +it came, with a speedy approach but delayed arrival; till, at +last, through the many gradations of approach, it seemed to come +within the sphere of myself, rushed up to me, and passed me into +the cottage. All I could tell of its appearance was, that it +seemed to be a dark human figure. Its motion was entirely +noiseless, and might be called a gliding, were it not that it +appeared that of a runner, but with ghostly feet. I had moved +back yet a little to let him pass me, and looked round after him +instantly. I could not see him. + +"Where is he?" I said, in some alarm, to the woman, who still sat +reading. + +"There, on the floor, behind you," she said, pointing with her +arm half-outstretched, but not lifting her eyes. I turned and +looked, but saw nothing. Then with a feeling that there was yet +something behind me, I looked round over my shoulder; and there, +on the ground, lay a black shadow, the size of a man. It was so +dark, that I could see it in the dim light of the lamp, which +shone full upon it, apparently without thinning at all the +intensity of its hue. + +"I told you," said the woman, "you had better not look into that +closet." + +"What is it?" I said, with a growing sense of horror. + +"It is only your shadow that has found you," she replied. +Everybody's shadow is ranging up and down looking for him. I +believe you call it by a different name in your world: yours has +found you, as every person's is almost certain to do who looks +into that closet, especially after meeting one in the forest, +whom I dare say you have met." + +Here, for the first time, she lifted her head, and looked full at +me: her mouth was full of long, white, shining teeth; and I knew +that I was in the house of the ogre. I could not speak, but +turned and left the house, with the shadow at my heels. "A nice +sort of valet to have," I said to myself bitterly, as I stepped +into the sunshine, and, looking over my shoulder, saw that it lay +yet blacker in the full blaze of the sunlight. Indeed, only when +I stood between it and the sun, was the blackness at all +diminished. I was so bewildered-- stunned--both by the event +itself and its suddenness, that I could not at all realise to +myself what it would be to have such a constant and strange +attendance; but with a dim conviction that my present dislike +would soon grow to loathing, I took my dreary way through the +wood. + + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + "O lady! we receive but what we give, + And in our life alone does nature live: + Ours is her wedding garments ours her shrorwd! + . . . . . + Ah! from the soul itself must issue forth, + A light, a glory, a fair luminous cloud, + + Enveloping the Earth-- + And from the soul itself must there be sent + A sweet and potent voice of its own birth, + Of all sweet sounds the life and element!" + COLERIDGE. + +From this time, until I arrived at the palace of Fairy Land, I +can attempt no consecutive account of my wanderings and +adventures. Everything, henceforward, existed for me in its +relation to my attendant. What influence he exercised upon +everything into contact with which I was brought, may be +understood from a few detached instances. To begin with this +very day on which he first joined me: after I had walked +heartlessly along for two or three hours, I was very weary, and +lay down to rest in a most delightful part of the forest, +carpeted with wild flowers. I lay for half an hour in a dull +repose, and then got up to pursue my way. The flowers on the +spot where I had lain were crushed to the earth: but I saw that +they would soon lift their heads and rejoice again in the sun and +air. Not so those on which my shadow had lain. The very outline +of it could be traced in the withered lifeless grass, and the +scorched and shrivelled flowers which stood there, dead, and +hopeless of any resurrection. I shuddered, and hastened away +with sad forebodings. + +In a few days, I had reason to dread an extension of its baleful +influences from the fact, that it was no longer confined to one +position in regard to myself. Hitherto, when seized with an +irresistible desire to look on my evil demon (which longing would +unaccountably seize me at any moment, returning at longer or +shorter intervals, sometimes every minute), I had to turn my head +backwards, and look over my shoulder; in which position, as long +as I could retain it, I was fascinated. But one day, having come +out on a clear grassy hill, which commanded a glorious prospect, +though of what I cannot now tell, my shadow moved round, and came +in front of me. And, presently, a new manifestation increased my +distress. For it began to coruscate, and shoot out on all sides +a radiation of dim shadow. These rays of gloom issued from the +central shadow as from a black sun, lengthening and shortening +with continual change. But wherever a ray struck, that part of +earth, or sea, or sky, became void, and desert, and sad to my +heart. On this, the first development of its new power, one ray +shot out beyond the rest, seeming to lengthen infinitely, until +it smote the great sun on the face, which withered and darkened +beneath the blow. I turned away and went on. The shadow +retreated to its former position; and when I looked again, it had +drawn in all its spears of darkness, and followed like a dog at +my heels. + +Once, as I passed by a cottage, there came out a lovely fairy +child, with two wondrous toys, one in each hand. The one was the +tube through which the fairy-gifted poet looks when he beholds +the same thing everywhere; the other that through which he looks +when he combines into new forms of loveliness those images of +beauty which his own choice has gathered from all regions wherein +he has travelled. Round the child's head was an aureole of +emanating rays. As I looked at him in wonder and delight, round +crept from behind me the something dark, and the child stood in +my shadow. Straightway he was a commonplace boy, with a rough +broad-brimmed straw hat, through which brim the sun shone from +behind. The toys he carried were a multiplying-glass and a +kaleidoscope. I sighed and departed. + +One evening, as a great silent flood of western gold flowed +through an avenue in the woods, down the stream, just as when I +saw him first, came the sad knight, riding on his chestnut steed. + +But his armour did not shine half so red as when I saw him first. + +Many a blow of mighty sword and axe, turned aside by the strength +of his mail, and glancing adown the surface, had swept from its +path the fretted rust, and the glorious steel had answered the +kindly blow with the thanks of returning light. These streaks +and spots made his armour look like the floor of a forest in the +sunlight. His forehead was higher than before, for the +contracting wrinkles were nearly gone; and the sadness that +remained on his face was the sadness of a dewy summer twilight, +not that of a frosty autumn morn. He, too, had met the +Alder-maiden as I, but he had plunged into the torrent of mighty +deeds, and the stain was nearly washed away. No shadow followed +him. He had not entered the dark house; he had not had time to +open the closet door. "Will he ever look in?" I said to myself. +"MUST his shadow find him some day?" But I could not answer my +own questions. + +We travelled together for two days, and I began to love him. It +was plain that he suspected my story in some degree; and I saw +him once or twice looking curiously and anxiously at my attendant +gloom, which all this time had remained very obsequiously behind +me; but I offered no explanation, and he asked none. Shame at my +neglect of his warning, and a horror which shrunk from even +alluding to its cause, kept me silent; till, on the evening of +the second day, some noble words from my companion roused all my +heart; and I was at the point of falling on his neck, and telling +him the whole story; seeking, if not for helpful advice, for of +that I was hopeless, yet for the comfort of sympathy--when round +slid the shadow and inwrapt my friend; and I could not trust him. + +The glory of his brow vanished; the light of his eye grew cold; +and I held my peace. The next morning we parted. + +But the most dreadful thing of all was, that I now began to feel +something like satisfaction in the presence of the shadow. I +began to be rather vain of my attendant, saying to myself, "In a +land like this, with so many illusions everywhere, I need his aid +to disenchant the things around me. He does away with all +appearances, and shows me things in their true colour and form. +And I am not one to be fooled with the vanities of the common +crowd. I will not see beauty where there is none. I will dare +to behold things as they are. And if I live in a waste instead +of a paradise, I will live knowing where I live." But of this a +certain exercise of his power which soon followed quite cured me, +turning my feelings towards him once more into loathing and +distrust. It was thus: + +One bright noon, a little maiden joined me, coming through the +wood in a direction at right angles to my path. She came along +singing and dancing, happy as a child, though she seemed almost a +woman. In her hands--now in one, now in another--she carried a +small globe, bright and clear as the purest crystal. This seemed +at once her plaything and her greatest treasure. At one moment, +you would have thought her utterly careless of it, and at +another, overwhelmed with anxiety for its safety. But I believe +she was taking care of it all the time, perhaps not least when +least occupied about it. She stopped by me with a smile, and +bade me good day with the sweetest voice. I felt a wonderful +liking to the child--for she produced on me more the impression +of a child, though my understanding told me differently. We +talked a little, and then walked on together in the direction I +had been pursuing. I asked her about the globe she carried, but +getting no definite answer, I held out my hand to take it. She +drew back, and said, but smiling almost invitingly the while, +"You must not touch it;"--then, after a moment's pause--"Or if +you do, it must be very gently." I touched it with a finger. A +slight vibratory motion arose in it, accompanied, or perhaps +manifested, by a faint sweet sound. I touched it again, and the +sound increased. I touched it the third time: a tiny torrent of +harmony rolled out of the little globe. She would not let me +touch it any more. + +We travelled on together all that day. She left me when twilight +came on; but next day, at noon, she met me as before, and again +we travelled till evening. The third day she came once more at +noon, and we walked on together. Now, though we had talked about +a great many things connected with Fairy Land, and the life she +had led hitherto, I had never been able to learn anything about +the globe. This day, however, as we went on, the shadow glided +round and inwrapt the maiden. It could not change her. But my +desire to know about the globe, which in his gloom began to waver +as with an inward light, and to shoot out flashes of +many-coloured flame, grew irresistible. I put out both my hands +and laid hold of it. It began to sound as before. The sound +rapidly increased, till it grew a low tempest of harmony, and the +globe trembled, and quivered, and throbbed between my hands. I +had not the heart to pull it away from the maiden, though I held +it in spite of her attempts to take it from me; yes, I shame to +say, in spite of her prayers, and, at last, her tears. The music +went on growing in, intensity and complication of tones, and the +globe vibrated and heaved; till at last it burst in our hands, +and a black vapour broke upwards from out of it; then turned, as +if blown sideways, and enveloped the maiden, hiding even the +shadow in its blackness. She held fast the fragments, which I +abandoned, and fled from me into the forest in the direction +whence she had come, wailing like a child, and crying, "You have +broken my globe; my globe is broken--my globe is broken!" I +followed her, in the hope of comforting her; but had not pursued +her far, before a sudden cold gust of wind bowed the tree-tops +above us, and swept through their stems around us; a great cloud +overspread the day, and a fierce tempest came on, in which I lost +sight of her. It lies heavy on my heart to this hour. At night, +ere I fall asleep, often, whatever I may be thinking about, I +suddenly hear her voice, crying out, "You have broken my globe; +my globe is broken; ah, my globe!" + +Here I will mention one more strange thing; but whether this +peculiarity was owing to my shadow at all, I am not able to +assure myself. I came to a village, the inhabitants of which +could not at first sight be distinguished from the dwellers in +our land. They rather avoided than sought my company, though +they were very pleasant when I addressed them. But at last I +observed, that whenever I came within a certain distance of any +one of them, which distance, however, varied with different +individuals, the whole appearance of the person began to change; +and this change increased in degree as I approached. When I +receded to the former distance, the former appearance was +restored. The nature of the change was grotesque, following no +fixed rule. The nearest resemblance to it that I know, is the +distortion produced in your countenance when you look at it as +reflected in a concave or convex surface--say, either side of a +bright spoon. Of this phenomenon I first became aware in rather +a ludicrous way. My host's daughter was a very pleasant pretty +girl, who made herself more agreeable to me than most of those +about me. For some days my companion-shadow had been less +obtrusive than usual; and such was the reaction of spirits +occasioned by the simple mitigation of torment, that, although I +had cause enough besides to be gloomy, I felt light and +comparatively happy. My impression is, that she was quite aware +of the law of appearances that existed between the people of the +place and myself, and had resolved to amuse herself at my +expense; for one evening, after some jesting and raillery, she, +somehow or other, provoked me to attempt to kiss her. But she +was well defended from any assault of the kind. Her countenance +became, of a sudden, absurdly hideous; the pretty mouth was +elongated and otherwise amplified sufficiently to have allowed of +six simultaneous kisses. I started back in bewildered dismay; +she burst into the merriest fit of laughter, and ran from the +room. I soon found that the same undefinable law of change +operated between me and all the other villagers; and that, to +feel I was in pleasant company, it was absolutely necessary for +me to discover and observe the right focal distance between +myself and each one with whom I had to do. This done, all went +pleasantly enough. Whether, when I happened to neglect this +precaution, I presented to them an equally ridiculous appearance, +I did not ascertain; but I presume that the alteration was common +to the approximating parties. I was likewise unable to determine +whether I was a necessary party to the production of this strange +transformation, or whether it took place as well, under the given +circumstances, between the inhabitants themselves. + + + + + + CHAPTER X + + "From Eden's bowers the full-fed rivers flow, + To guide the outcasts to the land of woe: + Our Earth one little toiling streamlet yields. + To guide the wanderers to the happy fields." + + After leaving this village, where I had rested for nearly a +week, I travelled through a desert region of dry sand and +glittering rocks, peopled principally by goblin-fairies. When I +first entered their domains, and, indeed, whenever I fell in with +another tribe of them, they began mocking me with offered +handfuls of gold and jewels, making hideous grimaces at me, and +performing the most antic homage, as if they thought I expected +reverence, and meant to humour me like a maniac. But ever, as +soon as one cast his eyes on the shadow behind me, he made a wry +face, partly of pity, partly of contempt, and looked ashamed, as +if he had been caught doing something inhuman; then, throwing +down his handful of gold, and ceasing all his grimaces, he stood +aside to let me pass in peace, and made signs to his companions +to do the like. I had no inclination to observe them much, for +the shadow was in my heart as well as at my heels. I walked +listlessly and almost hopelessly along, till I arrived one day at +a small spring; which, bursting cool from the heart of a +sun-heated rock, flowed somewhat southwards from the direction I +had been taking. I drank of this spring, and found myself +wonderfully refreshed. A kind of love to the cheerful little +stream arose in my heart. It was born in a desert; but it seemed +to say to itself, "I will flow, and sing, and lave my banks, till +I make my desert a paradise." I thought I could not do better +than follow it, and see what it made of it. So down with the +stream I went, over rocky lands, burning with sunbeams. But the +rivulet flowed not far, before a few blades of grass appeared on +its banks, and then, here and there, a stunted bush. Sometimes +it disappeared altogether under ground; and after I had wandered +some distance, as near as I could guess, in the direction it +seemed to take, I would suddenly hear it again, singing, +sometimes far away to my right or left, amongst new rocks, over +which it made new cataracts of watery melodies. The verdure on +its banks increased as it flowed; other streams joined it; and at +last, after many days' travel, I found myself, one gorgeous +summer evening, resting by the side of a broad river, with a +glorious horse-chestnut tree towering above me, and dropping its +blossoms, milk-white and rosy-red, all about me. As I sat, a +gush of joy sprang forth in my heart, and over flowed at my eyes. + +Through my tears, the whole landscape glimmered in such +bewildering loveliness, that I felt as if I were entering Fairy +Land for the first time, and some loving hand were waiting to +cool my head, and a loving word to warm my heart. Roses, wild +roses, everywhere! So plentiful were they, they not only +perfumed the air, they seemed to dye it a faint rose-hue. The +colour floated abroad with the scent, and clomb, and spread, +until the whole west blushed and glowed with the gathered incense +of roses. And my heart fainted with longing in my bosom. + +Could I but see the Spirit of the Earth, as I saw once the in +dwelling woman of the beech-tree, and my beauty of the pale +marble, I should be content. Content!--Oh, how gladly would I +die of the light of her eyes! Yea, I would cease to be, if that +would bring me one word of love from the one mouth. The twilight +sank around, and infolded me with sleep. I slept as I had not +slept for months. I did not awake till late in the morning; +when, refreshed in body and mind, I rose as from the death that +wipes out the sadness of life, and then dies itself in the new +morrow. Again I followed the stream; now climbing a steep rocky +bank that hemmed it in; now wading through long grasses and wild +flowers in its path; now through meadows; and anon through woods +that crowded down to the very lip of the water. + +At length, in a nook of the river, gloomy with the weight of +overhanging foliage, and still and deep as a soul in which the +torrent eddies of pain have hollowed a great gulf, and then, +subsiding in violence, have left it full of a motionless, +fathomless sorrow--I saw a little boat lying. So still was the +water here, that the boat needed no fastening. It lay as if some +one had just stepped ashore, and would in a moment return. But +as there were no signs of presence, and no track through the +thick bushes; and, moreover, as I was in Fairy Land where one +does very much as he pleases, I forced my way to the brink, +stepped into the boat, pushed it, with the help of the +tree-branches, out into the stream, lay down in the bottom, and +let my boat and me float whither the stream would carry us. I +seemed to lose myself in the great flow of sky above me unbroken +in its infinitude, except when now and then, coming nearer the +shore at a bend in the river, a tree would sweep its mighty head +silently above mine, and glide away back into the past, never +more to fling its shadow over me. I fell asleep in this cradle, +in which mother Nature was rocking her weary child; and while I +slept, the sun slept not, but went round his arched way. When I +awoke, he slept in the waters, and I went on my silent path +beneath a round silvery moon. And a pale moon looked up from the +floor of the great blue cave that lay in the abysmal silence +beneath. + +Why are all reflections lovelier than what we call the +reality?--not so grand or so strong, it may be, but always +lovelier? Fair as is the gliding sloop on the shining sea, the +wavering, trembling, unresting sail below is fairer still. Yea, +the reflecting ocean itself, reflected in the mirror, has a +wondrousness about its waters that somewhat vanishes when I turn +towards itself. All mirrors are magic mirrors. The commonest +room is a room in a poem when I turn to the glass. (And this +reminds me, while I write, of a strange story which I read in the +fairy palace, and of which I will try to make a feeble memorial +in its place.) In whatever way it may be accounted for, of one +thing we may be sure, that this feeling is no cheat; for there is +no cheating in nature and the simple unsought feelings of the +soul. There must be a truth involved in it, though we may but in +part lay hold of the meaning. Even the memories of past pain are +beautiful; and past delights, though beheld only through clefts +in the grey clouds of sorrow, are lovely as Fairy Land. But how +have I wandered into the deeper fairyland of the soul, while as +yet I only float towards the fairy palace of Fairy Land! The +moon, which is the lovelier memory or reflex of the down-gone +sun, the joyous day seen in the faint mirror of the brooding +night, had rapt me away. + +I sat up in the boat. Gigantic forest trees were about me; +through which, like a silver snake, twisted and twined the great +river. The little waves, when I moved in the boat, heaved and +fell with a plash as of molten silver, breaking the image of the +moon into a thousand morsels, fusing again into one, as the +ripples of laughter die into the still face of joy. The sleeping +woods, in undefined massiveness; the water that flowed in its +sleep; and, above all, the enchantress moon, which had cast them +all, with her pale eye, into the charmed slumber, sank into my +soul, and I felt as if I had died in a dream, and should never +more awake. + +From this I was partly aroused by a glimmering of white, that, +through the trees on the left, vaguely crossed my vision, as I +gazed upwards. But the trees again hid the object; and at the +moment, some strange melodious bird took up its song, and sang, +not an ordinary bird-song, with constant repetitions of the same +melody, but what sounded like a continuous strain, in which one +thought was expressed, deepening in intensity as evolved in +progress. It sounded like a welcome already overshadowed with +the coming farewell. As in all sweetest music, a tinge of +sadness was in every note. Nor do we know how much of the +pleasures even of life we owe to the intermingled sorrows. Joy +cannot unfold the deepest truths, although deepest truth must be +deepest joy. Cometh white-robed Sorrow, stooping and wan, and +flingeth wide the doors she may not enter. Almost we linger with +Sorrow for very love. + +As the song concluded the stream bore my little boat with a +gentle sweep round a bend of the river; and lo! on a broad lawn, +which rose from the water's edge with a long green slope to a +clear elevation from which the trees receded on all sides, stood +a stately palace glimmering ghostly in the moonshine: it seemed +to be built throughout of the whitest marble. There was no +reflection of moonlight from windows--there seemed to be none; so +there was no cold glitter; only, as I said, a ghostly shimmer. +Numberless shadows tempered the shine, from column and balcony +and tower. For everywhere galleries ran along the face of the +buildings; wings were extended in many directions; and numberless +openings, through which the moonbeams vanished into the interior, +and which served both for doors and windows, had their separate +balconies in front, communicating with a common gallery that rose +on its own pillars. Of course, I did not discover all this from +the river, and in the moonlight. But, though I was there for +many days, I did not succeed in mastering the inner topography of +the building, so extensive and complicated was it. + +Here I wished to land, but the boat had no oars on board. +However, I found that a plank, serving for a seat, was +unfastened, and with that I brought the boat to the bank and +scrambled on shore. Deep soft turf sank beneath my feet, as I +went up the ascent towards the palace. + +When I reached it, I saw that it stood on a great platform of +marble, with an ascent, by broad stairs of the same, all round +it. Arrived on the platform, I found there was an extensive +outlook over the forest, which, however, was rather veiled than +revealed by the moonlight. + +Entering by a wide gateway, but without gates, into an inner +court, surrounded on all sides by great marble pillars supporting +galleries above, I saw a large fountain of porphyry in the +middle, throwing up a lofty column of water, which fell, with a +noise as of the fusion of all sweet sounds, into a basin beneath; +overflowing which, it ran into a single channel towards the +interior of the building. Although the moon was by this time so +low in the west, that not a ray of her light fell into the court, +over the height of the surrounding buildings; yet was the court +lighted by a second reflex from the sun of other lands. For the +top of the column of water, just as it spread to fall, caught the +moonbeams, and like a great pale lamp, hung high in the night +air, threw a dim memory of light (as it were) over the court +below. This court was paved in diamonds of white and red marble. +According to my custom since I entered Fairy Land, of taking for +a guide whatever I first found moving in any direction, I +followed the stream from the basin of the fountain. It led me to +a great open door, beneath the ascending steps of which it ran +through a low arch and disappeared. Entering here, I found +myself in a great hall, surrounded with white pillars, and paved +with black and white. This I could see by the moonlight, which, +from the other side, streamed through open windows into the hall. + +Its height I could not distinctly see. As soon as I entered, I +had the feeling so common to me in the woods, that there were +others there besides myself, though I could see no one, and heard +no sound to indicate a presence. Since my visit to the Church of +Darkness, my power of seeing the fairies of the higher orders had +gradually diminished, until it had almost ceased. But I could +frequently believe in their presence while unable to see them. +Still, although I had company, and doubtless of a safe kind, it +seemed rather dreary to spend the night in an empty marble hall, +however beautiful, especially as the moon was near the going +down, and it would soon be dark. So I began at the place where I +entered, and walked round the hall, looking for some door or +passage that might lead me to a more hospitable chamber. As I +walked, I was deliciously haunted with the feeling that behind +some one of the seemingly innumerable pillars, one who loved me +was waiting for me. Then I thought she was following me from +pillar to pillar as I went along; but no arms came out of the +faint moonlight, and no sigh assured me of her presence. + +At length I came to an open corridor, into which I turned; +notwithstanding that, in doing so, I left the light behind. +Along this I walked with outstretched hands, groping my way, +till, arriving at another corridor, which seemed to strike off at +right angles to that in which I was, I saw at the end a faintly +glimmering light, too pale even for moonshine, resembling rather +a stray phosphorescence. However, where everything was white, a +little light went a great way. So I walked on to the end, and a +long corridor it was. When I came up to the light, I found that +it proceeded from what looked like silver letters upon a door of +ebony; and, to my surprise even in the home of wonder itself, the +letters formed the words, THE CHAMBER OF SIR ANODOS. Although I +had as yet no right to the honours of a knight, I ventured to +conclude that the chamber was indeed intended for me; and, +opening the door without hesitation, I entered. Any doubt as to +whether I was right in so doing, was soon dispelled. What to my +dark eyes seemed a blaze of light, burst upon me. A fire of +large pieces of some sweet-scented wood, supported by dogs of +silver, was burning on the hearth, and a bright lamp stood on a +table, in the midst of a plentiful meal, apparently awaiting my +arrival. But what surprised me more than all, was, that the room +was in every respect a copy of my own room, the room whence the +little stream from my basin had led me into Fairy Land. There +was the very carpet of grass and moss and daisies, which I had +myself designed; the curtains of pale blue silk, that fell like a +cataract over the windows; the old- fashioned bed, with the +chintz furniture, on which I had slept from boyhood. "Now I +shall sleep," I said to myself. "My shadow dares not come here." + +I sat down to the table, and began to help myself to the good +things before me with confidence. And now I found, as in many +instances before, how true the fairy tales are; for I was waited +on, all the time of my meal, by invisible hands. I had scarcely +to do more than look towards anything I wanted, when it was +brought me, just as if it had come to me of itself. My glass was +kept filled with the wine I had chosen, until I looked towards +another bottle or decanter; when a fresh glass was substituted, +and the other wine supplied. When I had eaten and drank more +heartily and joyfully than ever since I entered Fairy Land, the +whole was removed by several attendants, of whom some were male +and some female, as I thought I could distinguish from the way +the dishes were lifted from the table, and the motion with which +they were carried out of the room. As soon as they were all +taken away, I heard a sound as of the shutting of a door, and +knew that I was left alone. I sat long by the fire, meditating, +and wondering how it would all end; and when at length, wearied +with thinking, I betook myself to my own bed, it was half with a +hope that, when I awoke in the morning, I should awake not only +in my own room, but in my own castle also; and that I should +walk, out upon my own native soil, and find that Fairy Land was, +after all, only a vision of the night. The sound of the falling +waters of the fountain floated me into oblivion. + + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + "A wilderness of building, sinking far + And self-withdrawn into a wondrous depth, + Far sinking into splendour--without end: + Fabric it seemed of diamond and of gold, + With alabaster domes, and silver spires, + And blazing terrace upon terrace, high + Uplifted." + WORDSWORTH. + +But when, after a sleep, which, although dreamless, yet left +behind it a sense of past blessedness, I awoke in the full +morning, I found, indeed, that the room was still my own; but +that it looked abroad upon an unknown landscape of forest and +hill and dale on the one side--and on the other, upon the marble +court, with the great fountain, the crest of which now flashed +glorious in the sun, and cast on the pavement beneath a shower of +faint shadows from the waters that fell from it into the marble +basin below. + +Agreeably to all authentic accounts of the treatment of +travellers in Fairy Land, I found by my bedside a complete suit +of fresh clothing, just such as I was in the habit of wearing; +for, though varied sufficiently from the one removed, it was yet +in complete accordance with my tastes. I dressed myself in this, +and went out. The whole palace shone like silver in the sun. +The marble was partly dull and partly polished; and every +pinnacle, dome, and turret ended in a ball, or cone, or cusp of +silver. It was like frost-work, and too dazzling, in the sun, +for earthly eyes like mine. + +I will not attempt to describe the environs, save by saying, that +all the pleasures to be found in the most varied and artistic +arrangement of wood and river, lawn and wild forest, garden and +shrubbery, rocky hill and luxurious vale; in living creatures +wild and tame, in gorgeous birds, scattered fountains, little +streams, and reedy lakes-- all were here. Some parts of the +palace itself I shall have occasion to describe more minutely. + +For this whole morning I never thought of my demon shadow; and +not till the weariness which supervened on delight brought it +again to my memory, did I look round to see if it was behind me: +it was scarcely discernible. But its presence, however faintly +revealed, sent a pang to my heart, for the pain of which, not all +the beauties around me could compensate. It was followed, +however, by the comforting reflection that, peradventure, I might +here find the magic word of power to banish the demon and set me +free, so that I should no longer be a man beside myself. The +Queen of Fairy Land, thought I, must dwell here: surely she will +put forth her power to deliver me, and send me singing through +the further gates of her country back to my own land. "Shadow of +me!" I said; "which art not me, but which representest thyself to +me as me; here I may find a shadow of light which will devour +thee, the shadow of darkness! Here I may find a blessing which +will fall on thee as a curse, and damn thee to the blackness +whence thou hast emerged unbidden." I said this, stretched at +length on the slope of the lawn above the river; and as the hope +arose within me, the sun came forth from a light fleecy cloud +that swept across his face; and hill and dale, and the great +river winding on through the still mysterious forest, flashed +back his rays as with a silent shout of joy; all nature lived and +glowed; the very earth grew warm beneath me; a magnificent +dragon-fly went past me like an arrow from a bow, and a whole +concert of birds burst into choral song. + +The heat of the sun soon became too intense even for passive +support. I therefore rose, and sought the shelter of one of the +arcades. Wandering along from one to another of these, wherever +my heedless steps led me, and wondering everywhere at the simple +magnificence of the building, I arrived at another hall, the roof +of which was of a pale blue, spangled with constellations of +silver stars, and supported by porphyry pillars of a paler red +than ordinary.--In this house (I may remark in passing), silver +seemed everywhere preferred to gold; and such was the purity of +the air, that it showed nowhere signs of tarnishing.--The whole +of the floor of this hall, except a narrow path behind the +pillars, paved with black, was hollowed into a huge basin, many +feet deep, and filled with the purest, most liquid and radiant +water. The sides of the basin were white marble, and the bottom +was paved with all kinds of refulgent stones, of every shape and +hue. + +In their arrangement, you would have supposed, at first sight, +that there was no design, for they seemed to lie as if cast there +from careless and playful hands; but it was a most harmonious +confusion; and as I looked at the play of their colours, +especially when the waters were in motion, I came at last to feel +as if not one little pebble could be displaced, without injuring +the effect of the whole. Beneath this floor of the water, lay +the reflection of the blue inverted roof, fretted with its silver +stars, like a second deeper sea, clasping and upholding the +first. The fairy bath was probably fed from the fountain in the +court. Led by an irresistible desire, I undressed, and plunged +into the water. It clothed me as with a new sense and its object +both in one. The waters lay so close to me, they seemed to enter +and revive my heart. I rose to the surface, shook the water from +my hair, and swam as in a rainbow, amid the coruscations of the +gems below seen through the agitation caused by my motion. Then, +with open eyes, I dived, and swam beneath the surface. And here +was a new wonder. For the basin, thus beheld, appeared to extend +on all sides like a sea, with here and there groups as of ocean +rocks, hollowed by ceaseless billows into wondrous caves and +grotesque pinnacles. Around the caves grew sea-weeds of all +hues, and the corals glowed between; while far off, I saw the +glimmer of what seemed to be creatures of human form at home in +the waters. I thought I had been enchanted; and that when I rose +to the surface, I should find myself miles from land, swimming +alone upon a heaving sea; but when my eyes emerged from the +waters, I saw above me the blue spangled vault, and the red +pillars around. I dived again, and found myself once more in the +heart of a great sea. I then arose, and swam to the edge, where +I got out easily, for the water reached the very brim, and, as I +drew near washed in tiny waves over the black marble border. I +dressed, and went out, deeply refreshed. + +And now I began to discern faint, gracious forms, here and there +throughout the building. Some walked together in earnest +conversation. Others strayed alone. Some stood in groups, as if +looking at and talking about a picture or a statue. None of them +heeded me. Nor were they plainly visible to my eyes. Sometimes +a group, or single individual, would fade entirely out of the +realm of my vision as I gazed. When evening came, and the moon +arose, clear as a round of a horizon-sea when the sun hangs over +it in the west, I began to see them all more plainly; especially +when they came between me and the moon; and yet more especially, +when I myself was in the shade. But, even then, I sometimes saw +only the passing wave of a white robe; or a lovely arm or neck +gleamed by in the moonshine; or white feet went walking alone +over the moony sward. Nor, I grieve to say, did I ever come much +nearer to these glorious beings, or ever look upon the Queen of +the Fairies herself. My destiny ordered otherwise. + +In this palace of marble and silver, and fountains and moonshine, +I spent many days; waited upon constantly in my room with +everything desirable, and bathing daily in the fairy bath. All +this time I was little troubled with my demon shadow I had a +vague feeling that he was somewhere about the palace; but it +seemed as if the hope that I should in this place be finally +freed from his hated presence, had sufficed to banish him for a +time. How and where I found him, I shall soon have to relate. + +The third day after my arrival, I found the library of the +palace; and here, all the time I remained, I spent most of the +middle of the day. For it was, not to mention far greater +attractions, a luxurious retreat from the noontide sun. During +the mornings and afternoons, I wandered about the lovely +neighbourhood, or lay, lost in delicious day-dreams, beneath some +mighty tree on the open lawn. My evenings were by-and-by spent +in a part of the palace, the account of which, and of my +adventures in connection with it, I must yet postpone for a +little. + +The library was a mighty hall, lighted from the roof, which was +formed of something like glass, vaulted over in a single piece, +and stained throughout with a great mysterious picture in +gorgeous colouring. + +The walls were lined from floor to roof with books and books: +most of them in ancient bindings, but some in strange new +fashions which I had never seen, and which, were I to make the +attempt, I could ill describe. All around the walls, in front of +the books, ran galleries in rows, communicating by stairs. These +galleries were built of all kinds of coloured stones; all sorts +of marble and granite, with porphyry, jasper, lapis lazuli, +agate, and various others, were ranged in wonderful melody of +successive colours. Although the material, then, of which these +galleries and stairs were built, rendered necessary a certain +degree of massiveness in the construction, yet such was the size +of the place, that they seemed to run along the walls like cords. + +Over some parts of the library, descended curtains of silk of +various dyes, none of which I ever saw lifted while I was there; +and I felt somehow that it would be presumptuous in me to venture +to look within them. But the use of the other books seemed free; +and day after day I came to the library, threw myself on one of +the many sumptuous eastern carpets, which lay here and there on +the floor, and read, and read, until weary; if that can be +designated as weariness, which was rather the faintness of +rapturous delight; or until, sometimes, the failing of the light +invited me to go abroad, in the hope that a cool gentle breeze +might have arisen to bathe, with an airy invigorating bath, the +limbs which the glow of the burning spirit within had withered no +less than the glow of the blazing sun without. + +One peculiarity of these books, or at least most of those I +looked into, I must make a somewhat vain attempt to describe. + +If, for instance, it was a book of metaphysics I opened, I had +scarcely read two pages before I seemed to myself to be pondering +over discovered truth, and constructing the intellectual machine +whereby to communicate the discovery to my fellow men. With some +books, however, of this nature, it seemed rather as if the +process was removed yet a great way further back; and I was +trying to find the root of a manifestation, the spiritual truth +whence a material vision sprang; or to combine two propositions, +both apparently true, either at once or in different remembered +moods, and to find the point in which their invisibly converging +lines would unite in one, revealing a truth higher than either +and differing from both; though so far from being opposed to +either, that it was that whence each derived its life and power. +Or if the book was one of travels, I found myself the traveller. +New lands, fresh experiences, novel customs, rose around me. I +walked, I discovered, I fought, I suffered, I rejoiced in my +success. Was it a history? I was the chief actor therein. I +suffered my own blame; I was glad in my own praise. With a +fiction it was the same. Mine was the whole story. For I took +the place of the character who was most like myself, and his +story was mine; until, grown weary with the life of years +condensed in an hour, or arrived at my deathbed, or the end of +the volume, I would awake, with a sudden bewilderment, to the +consciousness of my present life, recognising the walls and roof +around me, and finding I joyed or sorrowed only in a book. If +the book was a poem, the words disappeared, or took the +subordinate position of an accompaniment to the succession of +forms and images that rose and vanished with a soundless rhythm, +and a hidden rime. + +In one, with a mystical title, which I cannot recall, I read of a +world that is not like ours. The wondrous account, in such a +feeble, fragmentary way as is possible to me, I would willingly +impart. Whether or not it was all a poem, I cannot tell; but, +from the impulse I felt, when I first contemplated writing it, to +break into rime, to which impulse I shall give way if it comes +upon me again, I think it must have been, partly at least, in +verse. + + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + "Chained is the Spring. The night-wind bold + Blows over the hard earth; + Time is not more confused and cold, + Nor keeps more wintry mirth. + + "Yet blow, and roll the world about; + Blow, Time--blow, winter's Wind! + Through chinks of Time, heaven peepeth out, + And Spring the frost behind." + G. E. M. + +They who believe in the influences of the stars over the fates of +men, are, in feeling at least, nearer the truth than they who +regard the heavenly bodies as related to them merely by a common +obedience to an external law. All that man sees has to do with +man. Worlds cannot be without an intermundane relationship. The +community of the centre of all creation suggests an +interradiating connection and dependence of the parts. Else a +grander idea is conceivable than that which is already imbodied. +The blank, which is only a forgotten life, lying behind the +consciousness, and the misty splendour, which is an undeveloped +life, lying before it, may be full of mysterious revelations of +other connexions with the worlds around us, than those of science +and poetry. No shining belt or gleaming moon, no red and green +glory in a self-encircling twin-star, but has a relation with the +hidden things of a man's soul, and, it may be, with the secret +history of his body as well. They are portions of the living +house wherein he abides. + + Through the realms of the monarch Sun + Creeps a world, whose course had begun, + On a weary path with a weary pace, + Before the Earth sprang forth on her race: + But many a time the Earth had sped + Around the path she still must tread, + Ere the elder planet, on leaden wing, + Once circled the court of the planet's king. + + There, in that lonely and distant star, + The seasons are not as our seasons are; + But many a year hath Autumn to dress + The trees in their matron loveliness; + As long hath old Winter in triumph to go + O'er beauties dead in his vaults below; + And many a year the Spring doth wear + Combing the icicles from her hair; + And Summer, dear Summer, hath years of June, + With large white clouds, and cool showers at noon: + And a beauty that grows to a weight like grief, + Till a burst of tears is the heart's relief. + + Children, born when Winter is king, + May never rejoice in the hoping Spring; + Though their own heart-buds are bursting with joy, + And the child hath grown to the girl or boy; + But may die with cold and icy hours + Watching them ever in place of flowers. + And some who awake from their primal sleep, + When the sighs of Summer through forests creep, + Live, and love, and are loved again; + Seek for pleasure, and find its pain; + Sink to their last, their forsaken sleeping, + With the same sweet odours around them creeping. + +Now the children, there, are not born as the children are born in +worlds nearer to the sun. For they arrive no one knows how. A +maiden, walking alone, hears a cry: for even there a cry is the +first utterance; and searching about, she findeth, under an +overhanging rock, or within a clump of bushes, or, it may be, +betwixt gray stones on the side of a hill, or in any other +sheltered and unexpected spot, a little child. This she taketh +tenderly, and beareth home with joy, calling out, "Mother, +mother"--if so be that her mother lives--"I have got a baby--I +have found a child!" All the household gathers round to +see;--"WHERE IS IT? WHAT IS IT LIKE? WHERE DID YOU FIND IT?" +and such-like questions, abounding. And thereupon she relates +the whole story of the discovery; for by the circumstances, such +as season of the year, time of the day, condition of the air, and +such like, and, especially, the peculiar and never-repeated +aspect of the heavens and earth at the time, and the nature of +the place of shelter wherein it is found, is determined, or at +least indicated, the nature of the child thus discovered. +Therefore, at certain seasons, and in certain states of the +weather, according, in part, to their own fancy, the young women +go out to look for children. They generally avoid seeking them, +though they cannot help sometimes finding them, in places and +with circumstances uncongenial to their peculiar likings. But no +sooner is a child found, than its claim for protection and +nurture obliterates all feeling of choice in the matter. +Chiefly, however, in the season of summer, which lasts so long, +coming as it does after such long intervals; and mostly in the +warm evenings, about the middle of twilight; and principally in +the woods and along the river banks, do the maidens go looking +for children just as children look for flowers. And ever as the +child grows, yea, more and more as he advances in years, will his +face indicate to those who understand the spirit of Nature, and +her utterances in the face of the world, the nature of the place +of his birth, and the other circumstances thereof; whether a +clear morning sun guided his mother to the nook whence issued the +boy's low cry; or at eve the lonely maiden (for the same woman +never finds a second, at least while the first lives) discovers +the girl by the glimmer of her white skin, lying in a nest like +that of the lark, amid long encircling grasses, and the +upward-gazing eyes of the lowly daisies; whether the storm bowed +the forest trees around, or the still frost fixed in silence the +else flowing and babbling stream. + +After they grow up, the men and women are but little together. +There is this peculiar difference between them, which likewise +distinguishes the women from those of the earth. The men alone +have arms; the women have only wings. Resplendent wings are +they, wherein they can shroud themselves from head to foot in a +panoply of glistering glory. By these wings alone, it may +frequently be judged in what seasons, and under what aspects, +they were born. From those that came in winter, go great white +wings, white as snow; the edge of every feather shining like the +sheen of silver, so that they flash and glitter like frost in the +sun. But underneath, they are tinged with a faint pink or rose- +colour. Those born in spring have wings of a brilliant green, +green as grass; and towards the edges the feathers are enamelled +like the surface of the grass-blades. These again are white +within. Those that are born in summer have wings of a deep +rose-colour, lined with pale gold. And those born in autumn have +purple wings, with a rich brown on the inside. But these colours +are modified and altered in all varieties, corresponding to the +mood of the day and hour, as well as the season of the year; and +sometimes I found the various colours so intermingled, that I +could not determine even the season, though doubtless the +hieroglyphic could be deciphered by more experienced eyes. One +splendour, in particular, I remember--wings of deep carmine, with +an inner down of warm gray, around a form of brilliant whiteness. + +She had been found as the sun went down through a low sea- fog, +casting crimson along a broad sea-path into a little cave on the +shore, where a bathing maiden saw her lying. + +But though I speak of sun and fog, and sea and shore, the world +there is in some respects very different from the earth whereon +men live. For instance, the waters reflect no forms. To the +unaccustomed eye they appear, if undisturbed, like the surface of +a dark metal, only that the latter would reflect indistinctly, +whereas they reflect not at all, except light which falls +immediately upon them. This has a great effect in causing the +landscapes to differ from those on the earth. On the stillest +evening, no tall ship on the sea sends a long wavering reflection +almost to the feet of him on shore; the face of no maiden +brightens at its own beauty in a still forest-well. The sun and +moon alone make a glitter on the surface. The sea is like a sea +of death, ready to ingulf and never to reveal: a visible shadow +of oblivion. Yet the women sport in its waters like gorgeous +sea-birds. The men more rarely enter them. But, on the +contrary, the sky reflects everything beneath it, as if it were +built of water like ours. Of course, from its concavity there is +some distortion of the reflected objects; yet wondrous +combinations of form are often to be seen in the overhanging +depth. And then it is not shaped so much like a round dome as +the sky of the earth, but, more of an egg-shape, rises to a great +towering height in the middle, appearing far more lofty than the +other. When the stars come out at night, it shows a mighty +cupola, "fretted with golden fires," wherein there is room for +all tempests to rush and rave. + +One evening in early summer, I stood with a group of men and +women on a steep rock that overhung the sea. They were all +questioning me about my world and the ways thereof. In making +reply to one of their questions, I was compelled to say that +children are not born in the Earth as with them. Upon this I was +assailed with a whole battery of inquiries, which at first I +tried to avoid; but, at last, I was compelled, in the vaguest +manner I could invent, to make some approach to the subject in +question. Immediately a dim notion of what I meant, seemed to +dawn in the minds of most of the women. Some of them folded +their great wings all around them, as they generally do when in +the least offended, and stood erect and motionless. One spread +out her rosy pinions, and flashed from the promontory into the +gulf at its foot. A great light shone in the eyes of one maiden, +who turned and walked slowly away, with her purple and white +wings half dispread behind her. She was found, the next morning, +dead beneath a withered tree on a bare hill-side, some miles +inland. They buried her where she lay, as is their custom; for, +before they die, they instinctively search for a spot like the +place of their birth, and having found one that satisfies them, +they lie down, fold their wings around them, if they be women, or +cross their arms over their breasts, if they are men, just as if +they were going to sleep; and so sleep indeed. The sign or cause +of coming death is an indescribable longing for something, they +know not what, which seizes them, and drives them into solitude, +consuming them within, till the body fails. When a youth and a +maiden look too deep into each other's eyes, this longing seizes +and possesses them; but instead of drawing nearer to each other, +they wander away, each alone, into solitary places, and die of +their desire. But it seems to me, that thereafter they are born +babes upon our earth: where, if, when grown, they find each +other, it goes well with them; if not, it will seem to go ill. +But of this I know nothing. When I told them that the women on +the Earth had not wings like them, but arms, they stared, and +said how bold and masculine they must look; not knowing that +their wings, glorious as they are, are but undeveloped arms. + +But see the power of this book, that, while recounting what I can +recall of its contents, I write as if myself had visited the +far-off planet, learned its ways and appearances, and conversed +with its men and women. And so, while writing, it seemed to me +that I had. + +The book goes on with the story of a maiden, who, born at the +close of autumn, and living in a long, to her endless winter, set +out at last to find the regions of spring; for, as in our earth, +the seasons are divided over the globe. It begins something like +this: + + She watched them dying for many a day, + Dropping from off the old trees away, + One by one; or else in a shower + Crowding over the withered flower + For as if they had done some grievous wrong, + The sun, that had nursed them and loved them so long, + Grew weary of loving, and, turning back, + Hastened away on his southern track; + And helplessly hung each shrivelled leaf, + Faded away with an idle grief. + And the gusts of wind, sad Autumn's sighs, + Mournfully swept through their families; + Casting away with a helpless moan + All that he yet might call his own, + As the child, when his bird is gone for ever, + Flingeth the cage on the wandering river. + And the giant trees, as bare as Death, + Slowly bowed to the great Wind's breath; + And groaned with trying to keep from groaning + Amidst the young trees bending and moaning. + And the ancient planet's mighty sea + Was heaving and falling most restlessly, + And the tops of the waves were broken and white, + Tossing about to ease their might; + And the river was striving to reach the main, + And the ripple was hurrying back again. + Nature lived in sadness now; + Sadness lived on the maiden's brow, + As she watched, with a fixed, half-conscious eye, + One lonely leaf that trembled on high, + Till it dropped at last from the desolate bough-- + Sorrow, oh, sorrow! 'tis winter now. + And her tears gushed forth, though it was but a leaf, + For little will loose the swollen fountain of grief: + When up to the lip the water goes, + It needs but a drop, and it overflows. + + Oh! many and many a dreary year + Must pass away ere the buds appear: + Many a night of darksome sorrow + Yield to the light of a joyless morrow, + Ere birds again, on the clothed trees, + Shall fill the branches with melodies. + She will dream of meadows with wakeful streams; + Of wavy grass in the sunny beams; + Of hidden wells that soundless spring, + Hoarding their joy as a holy thing; + Of founts that tell it all day long + To the listening woods, with exultant song; + She will dream of evenings that die into nights, + Where each sense is filled with its own delights, + And the soul is still as the vaulted sky, + Lulled with an inner harmony; + + And the flowers give out to the dewy night, + Changed into perfume, the gathered light; + And the darkness sinks upon all their host, + Till the sun sail up on the eastern coast-- + She will wake and see the branches bare, + Weaving a net in the frozen air. + + + +The story goes on to tell how, at last, weary with wintriness, +she travelled towards the southern regions of her globe, to meet +the spring on its slow way northwards; and how, after many sad +adventures, many disappointed hopes, and many tears, bitter and +fruitless, she found at last, one stormy afternoon, in a leafless +forest, a single snowdrop growing betwixt the borders of the +winter and spring. She lay down beside it and died. I almost +believe that a child, pale and peaceful as a snowdrop, was born +in the Earth within a fixed season from that stormy afternoon. + + + + + + CHAPTER XIII + "I saw a ship sailing upon the sea + Deeply laden as ship could be; + But not so deep as in love I am + For I care not whether I sink or swim." + Old Ballad. + + "But Love is such a Mystery + I cannot find it out: + For when I think I'm best resols'd, + I then am in most doubt." + SIR JOHN SUCKLING. + +One story I will try to reproduce. But, alas! it is like trying +to reconstruct a forest out of broken branches and withered +leaves. In the fairy book, everything was just as it should be, +though whether in words or something else, I cannot tell. It +glowed and flashed the thoughts upon the soul, with such a power +that the medium disappeared from the consciousness, and it was +occupied only with the things themselves. My representation of +it must resemble a translation from a rich and powerful language, +capable of embodying the thoughts of a splendidly developed +people, into the meagre and half-articulate speech of a savage +tribe. Of course, while I read it, I was Cosmo, and his history +was mine. Yet, all the time, I seemed to have a kind of double +consciousness, and the story a double meaning. Sometimes it +seemed only to represent a simple story of ordinary life, perhaps +almost of universal life; wherein two souls, loving each other +and longing to come nearer, do, after all, but behold each other +as in a glass darkly. + +As through the hard rock go the branching silver veins; as into +the solid land run the creeks and gulfs from the unresting sea; +as the lights and influences of the upper worlds sink silently +through the earth's atmosphere; so doth Faerie invade the world +of men, and sometimes startle the common eye with an association +as of cause and effect, when between the two no connecting links +can be traced. + +Cosmo von Wehrstahl was a student at the University of Prague. +Though of a noble family, he was poor, and prided himself upon +the independence that poverty gives; for what will not a man +pride himself upon, when he cannot get rid of it? A favourite +with his fellow students, he yet had no companions; and none of +them had ever crossed the threshold of his lodging in the top of +one of the highest houses in the old town. Indeed, the secret of +much of that complaisance which recommended him to his fellows, +was the thought of his unknown retreat, whither in the evening he +could betake himself and indulge undisturbed in his own studies +and reveries. These studies, besides those subjects necessary to +his course at the University, embraced some less commonly known +and approved; for in a secret drawer lay the works of Albertus +Magnus and Cornelius Agrippa, along with others less read and +more abstruse. As yet, however, he had followed these researches +only from curiosity, and had turned them to no practical purpose. + +His lodging consisted of one large low-ceiled room, singularly +bare of furniture; for besides a couple of wooden chairs, a couch +which served for dreaming on both by day and night, and a great +press of black oak, there was very little in the room that could +be called furniture. + +But curious instruments were heaped in the corners; and in one +stood a skeleton, half-leaning against the wall, half-supported +by a string about its neck. One of its hands, all of fingers, +rested on the heavy pommel of a great sword that stood beside it. + +Various weapons were scattered about over the floor. The walls +were utterly bare of adornment; for the few strange things, such +as a large dried bat with wings dispread, the skin of a +porcupine, and a stuffed sea-mouse, could hardly be reckoned as +such. But although his fancy delighted in vagaries like these, +he indulged his imagination with far different fare. His mind +had never yet been filled with an absorbing passion; but it lay +like a still twilight open to any wind, whether the low breath +that wafts but odours, or the storm that bows the great trees +till they strain and creak. He saw everything as through a +rose-coloured glass. When he looked from his window on the +street below, not a maiden passed but she moved as in a story, +and drew his thoughts after her till she disappeared in the +vista. When he walked in the streets, he always felt as if +reading a tale, into which he sought to weave every face of +interest that went by; and every sweet voice swept his soul as +with the wing of a passing angel. He was in fact a poet without +words; the more absorbed and endangered, that the +springing-waters were dammed back into his soul, where, finding +no utterance, they grew, and swelled, and undermined. He used to +lie on his hard couch, and read a tale or a poem, till the book +dropped from his hand; but he dreamed on, he knew not whether +awake or asleep, until the opposite roof grew upon his sense, and +turned golden in the sunrise. Then he arose too; and the +impulses of vigorous youth kept him ever active, either in study +or in sport, until again the close of the day left him free; and +the world of night, which had lain drowned in the cataract of the +day, rose up in his soul, with all its stars, and dim-seen +phantom shapes. But this could hardly last long. Some one form +must sooner or later step within the charmed circle, enter the +house of life, and compel the bewildered magician to kneel and +worship. + +One afternoon, towards dusk, he was wandering dreamily in one of +the principal streets, when a fellow student roused him by a slap +on the shoulder, and asked him to accompany him into a little +back alley to look at some old armour which he had taken a fancy +to possess. Cosmo was considered an authority in every matter +pertaining to arms, ancient or modern. In the use of weapons, +none of the students could come near him; and his practical +acquaintance with some had principally contributed to establish +his authority in reference to all. He accompanied him willingly. + +They entered a narrow alley, and thence a dirty little court, +where a low arched door admitted them into a heterogeneous +assemblage of everything musty, and dusty, and old, that could +well be imagined. His verdict on the armour was satisfactory, +and his companion at once concluded the purchase. As they were +leaving the place, Cosmo's eye was attracted by an old mirror of +an elliptical shape, which leaned against the wall, covered with +dust. Around it was some curious carving, which he could see but +very indistinctly by the glimmering light which the owner of the +shop carried in his hand. It was this carving that attracted his +attention; at least so it appeared to him. He left the place, +however, with his friend, taking no further notice of it. They +walked together to the main street, where they parted and took +opposite directions. + +No sooner was Cosmo left alone, than the thought of the curious +old mirror returned to him. A strong desire to see it more +plainly arose within him, and he directed his steps once more +towards the shop.The owner opened the door when he knocked, as if +he had expected him.He was a little, old, withered man, with a +hooked nose, and burning eyes constantly in a slow restless +motion, and looking here and there as if after something that +eluded them. Pretending to examine several other articles, Cosmo +at last approached the mirror, and requested to have it taken +down. + +"Take it down yourself, master; I cannot reach it," said the old +man. + +Cosmo took it down carefully, when he saw that the carving was +indeed delicate and costly, being both of admirable design and +execution; containing withal many devices which seemed to embody +some meaning to which he had no clue. This, naturally, in one of +his tastes and temperament, increased the interest he felt in the +old mirror; so much, indeed, that he now longed to possess it, in +order to study its frame at his leisure. He pretended, however, +to want it only for use; and saying he feared the plate could be +of little service, as it was rather old, he brushed away a little +of the dust from its face, expecting to see a dull reflection +within. His surprise was great when he found the reflection +brilliant, revealing a glass not only uninjured by age, but +wondrously clear and perfect (should the whole correspond to this +part) even for one newly from the hands of the maker. He asked +carelessly what the owner wanted for the thing. The old man +replied by mentioning a sum of money far beyond the reach of poor +Cosmo, who proceeded to replace the mirror where it had stood +before. + +"You think the price too high?" said the old man. + +"I do not know that it is too much for you to ask," replied +Cosmo; "but it is far too much for me to give." + +The old man held up his light towards Cosmo's face. "I like your +look," said he. + +Cosmo could not return the compliment. In fact, now he looked +closely at him for the first time, he felt a kind of repugnance +to him, mingled with a strange feeling of doubt whether a man or +a woman stood before him. + +"What is your name?" he continued. + +"Cosmo von Wehrstahl." + +"Ah, ah! I thought as much. I see your father in you. I knew +your father very well, young sir. I dare say in some odd corners +of my house, you might find some old things with his crest and +cipher upon them still. Well, I like you: you shall have the +mirror at the fourth part of what I asked for it; but upon one +condition." + +"What is that?" said Cosmo; for, although the price was still a +great deal for him to give, he could just manage it; and the +desire to possess the mirror had increased to an altogether +unaccountable degree, since it had seemed beyond his reach. + +"That if you should ever want to get rid of it again, you will +let me have the first offer." + +"Certainly," replied Cosmo, with a smile; adding, "a moderate +condition indeed." + +"On your honour?" insisted the seller. + +"On my honour," said the buyer; and the bargain was concluded. + +"I will carry it home for you," said the old man, as Cosmo took +it in his hands. + +"No, no; I will carry it myself," said he; for he had a peculiar +dislike to revealing his residence to any one, and more +especially to this person, to whom he felt every moment a greater +antipathy. +"Just as you please," said the old creature, and muttered to +himself as he held his light at the door to show him out of the +court: "Sold for the sixth time! I wonder what will be the +upshot of it this time. I should think my lady had enough of it +by now!" + +Cosmo carried his prize carefully home. But all the way he had +an uncomfortable feeling that he was watched and dogged. +Repeatedly he looked about, but saw nothing to justify his +suspicions. Indeed, the streets were too crowded and too ill +lighted to expose very readily a careful spy, if such there +should be at his heels. He reached his lodging in safety, and +leaned his purchase against the wall, rather relieved, strong as +he was, to be rid of its weight; then, lighting his pipe, threw +himself on the couch, and was soon lapt in the folds of one of +his haunting dreams. + +He returned home earlier than usual the next day, and fixed the +mirror to the wall, over the hearth, at one end of his long room. + +He then carefully wiped away the dust from its face, and, clear +as the water of a sunny spring, the mirror shone out from beneath +the envious covering. But his interest was chiefly occupied with +the curious carving of the frame. This he cleaned as well as he +could with a brush; and then he proceeded to a minute examination +of its various parts, in the hope of discovering some index to +the intention of the carver. In this, however, he was +unsuccessful; and, at length, pausing with some weariness and +disappointment, he gazed vacantly for a few moments into the +depth of the reflected room. But ere long he said, half aloud: +"What a strange thing a mirror is! and what a wondrous affinity +exists between it and a man's imagination! For this room of mine, +as I behold it in the glass, is the same, and yet not the same. +It is not the mere representation of the room I live in, but it +looks just as if I were reading about it in a story I like. All +its commonness has disappeared. The mirror has lifted it out of +the region of fact into the realm of art; and the very +representing of it to me has clothed with interest that which was +otherwise hard and bare; just as one sees with delight upon the +stage the representation of a character from which one would +escape in life as from something unendurably wearisome. But is +it not rather that art rescues nature from the weary and sated +regards of our senses, and the degrading injustice of our anxious +everyday life, and, appealing to the imagination, which dwells +apart, reveals Nature in some degree as she really is, and as she +represents herself to the eye of the child, whose every-day life, +fearless and unambitious, meets the true import of the +wonder-teeming world around him, and rejoices therein without +questioning? That skeleton, now--I almost fear it, standing +there so still, with eyes only for the unseen, like a watch-tower +looking across all the waste of this busy world into the quiet +regions of rest beyond. And yet I know every bone and every +joint in it as well as my own fist. And that old battle-axe +looks as if any moment it might be caught up by a mailed hand, +and, borne forth by the mighty arm, go crashing through casque, +and skull, and brain, invading the Unknown with yet another +bewildered ghost. I should like to live in THAT room if I could +only get into it." + +Scarcely had the half-moulded words floated from him, as he stood +gazing into the mirror, when, striking him as with a flash of +amazement that fixed him in his posture, noiseless and +unannounced, glided suddenly through the door into the reflected +room, with stately motion, yet reluctant and faltering step, the +graceful form of a woman, clothed all in white. Her back only +was visible as she walked slowly up to the couch in the further +end of the room, on which she laid herself wearily, turning +towards him a face of unutterable loveliness, in which suffering, +and dislike, and a sense of compulsion, strangely mingled with +the beauty. He stood without the power of motion for some +moments, with his eyes irrecoverably fixed upon her; and even +after he was conscious of the ability to move, he could not +summon up courage to turn and look on her, face to face, in the +veritable chamber in which he stood. At length, with a sudden +effort, in which the exercise of the will was so pure, that it +seemed involuntary, he turned his face to the couch. It was +vacant. In bewilderment, mingled with terror, he turned again to +the mirror: there, on the reflected couch, lay the exquisite +lady-form. She lay with closed eyes, whence two large tears were +just welling from beneath the veiling lids; still as death, save +for the convulsive motion of her bosom. + +Cosmo himself could not have described what he felt. His +emotions were of a kind that destroyed consciousness, and could +never be clearly recalled. He could not help standing yet by the +mirror, and keeping his eyes fixed on the lady, though he was +painfully aware of his rudeness, and feared every moment that she +would open hers, and meet his fixed regard. But he was, ere +long, a little relieved; for, after a while, her eyelids slowly +rose, and her eyes remained uncovered, but unemployed for a time; +and when, at length, they began to wander about the room, as if +languidly seeking to make some acquaintance with her environment, +they were never directed towards him: it seemed nothing but what +was in the mirror could affect her vision; and, therefore, if she +saw him at all, it could only be his back, which, of necessity, +was turned towards her in the glass. The two figures in the +mirror could not meet face to face, except he turned and looked +at her, present in his room; and, as she was not there, he +concluded that if he were to turn towards the part in his room +corresponding to that in which she lay, his reflection would +either be invisible to her altogether, or at least it must appear +to her to gaze vacantly towards her, and no meeting of the eyes +would produce the impression of spiritual proximity. By-and-by +her eyes fell upon the skeleton, and he saw her shudder and close +them. She did not open them again, but signs of repugnance +continued evident on her countenance. Cosmo would have removed +the obnoxious thing at once, but he feared to discompose her yet +more by the assertion of his presence which the act would +involve. So he stood and watched her. The eyelids yet shrouded +the eyes, as a costly case the jewels within; the troubled +expression gradually faded from the countenance, leaving only a +faint sorrow behind; the features settled into an unchanging +expression of rest; and by these signs, and the slow regular +motion of her breathing, Cosmo knew that she slept. He could now +gaze on her without embarrassment. He saw that her figure, +dressed in the simplest robe of white, was worthy of her face; +and so harmonious, that either the delicately moulded foot, or +any finger of the equally delicate hand, was an index to the +whole. As she lay, her whole form manifested the relaxation of +perfect repose. He gazed till he was weary, and at last seated +himself near the new-found shrine, and mechanically took up a +book, like one who watches by a sick-bed. But his eyes gathered +no thoughts from the page before him. His intellect had been +stunned by the bold contradiction, to its face, of all its +experience, and now lay passive, without assertion, or +speculation, or even conscious astonishment; while his +imagination sent one wild dream of blessedness after another +coursing through his soul. How long he sat he knew not; but at +length he roused himself, rose, and, trembling in every portion +of his frame, looked again into the mirror. She was gone. The +mirror reflected faithfully what his room presented, and nothing +more. It stood there like a golden setting whence the central +jewel has been stolen away--like a night- sky without the glory +of its stars. She had carried with her all the strangeness of +the reflected room. It had sunk to the level of the one without. + +But when the first pangs of his disappointment had passed, Cosmo +began to comfort himself with the hope that she might return, +perhaps the next evening, at the same hour. Resolving that if +she did, she should not at least be scared by the hateful +skeleton, he removed that and several other articles of +questionable appearance into a recess by the side of the hearth, +whence they could not possibly cast any reflection into the +mirror; and having made his poor room as tidy as he could, sought +the solace of the open sky and of a night wind that had begun to +blow, for he could not rest where he was. When he returned, +somewhat composed, he could hardly prevail with himself to lie +down on his bed; for he could not help feeling as if she had lain +upon it; and for him to lie there now would be something like +sacrilege. However, weariness prevailed; and laying himself on +the couch, dressed as he was, he slept till day. + +With a beating heart, beating till he could hardly breathe, he +stood in dumb hope before the mirror, on the following evening. +Again the reflected room shone as through a purple vapour in the +gathering twilight. Everything seemed waiting like himself for a +coming splendour to glorify its poor earthliness with the +presence of a heavenly joy. And just as the room vibrated with +the strokes of the neighbouring church bell, announcing the hour +of six, in glided the pale beauty, and again laid herself on the +couch. Poor Cosmo nearly lost his senses with delight. She was +there once more! Her eyes sought the corner where the skeleton +had stood, and a faint gleam of satisfaction crossed her face, +apparently at seeing it empty. She looked suffering still, but +there was less of discomfort expressed in her countenance than +there had been the night before. She took more notice of the +things about her, and seemed to gaze with some curiosity on the +strange apparatus standing here and there in her room. At +length, however, drowsiness seemed to overtake her, and again she +fell asleep. Resolved not to lose sight of her this time, Cosmo +watched the sleeping form. Her slumber was so deep and absorbing +that a fascinating repose seemed to pass contagiously from her to +him as he gazed upon her; and he started as if from a dream, when +the lady moved, and, without opening her eyes, rose, and passed +from the room with the gait of a somnambulist. + +Cosmo was now in a state of extravagant delight. Most men have a +secret treasure somewhere. The miser has his golden hoard; the +virtuoso his pet ring; the student his rare book; the poet his +favourite haunt; the lover his secret drawer; but Cosmo had a +mirror with a lovely lady in it. And now that he knew by the +skeleton, that she was affected by the things around her, he had +a new object in life: he would turn the bare chamber in the +mirror into a room such as no lady need disdain to call her own. +This he could effect only by furnishing and adorning his. And +Cosmo was poor. Yet he possessed accomplishments that could be +turned to account; although, hitherto, he had preferred living on +his slender allowance, to increasing his means by what his pride +considered unworthy of his rank. He was the best swordsman in +the University; and now he offered to give lessons in fencing and +similar exercises, to such as chose to pay him well for the +trouble. His proposal was heard with surprise by the students; +but it was eagerly accepted by many; and soon his instructions +were not confined to the richer students, but were anxiously +sought by many of the young nobility of Prague and its +neighbourhood. So that very soon he had a good deal of money at +his command. The first thing he did was to remove his apparatus +and oddities into a closet in the room. Then he placed his bed +and a few other necessaries on each side of the hearth, and +parted them from the rest of the room by two screens of Indian +fabric. Then he put an elegant couch for the lady to lie upon, +in the corner where his bed had formerly stood; and, by degrees, +every day adding some article of luxury, converted it, at length, +into a rich boudoir. + +Every night, about the same time, the lady entered. The first +time she saw the new couch, she started with a half-smile; then +her face grew very sad, the tears came to her eyes, and she laid +herself upon the couch, and pressed her face into the silken +cushions, as if to hide from everything. She took notice of each +addition and each change as the work proceeded; and a look of +acknowledgment, as if she knew that some one was ministering to +her, and was grateful for it, mingled with the constant look of +suffering. At length, after she had lain down as usual one +evening, her eyes fell upon some paintings with which Cosmo had +just finished adorning the walls. She rose, and to his great +delight, walked across the room, and proceeded to examine them +carefully, testifying much pleasure in her looks as she did so. +But again the sorrowful, tearful expression returned, and again +she buried her face in the pillows of her couch. Gradually, +however, her countenance had grown more composed; much of the +suffering manifest on her first appearance had vanished, and a +kind of quiet, hopeful expression had taken its place; which, +however, frequently gave way to an anxious, troubled look, +mingled with something of sympathetic pity. + +Meantime, how fared Cosmo? As might be expected in one of his +temperament, his interest had blossomed into love, and his +love--shall I call it RIPENED, or--WITHERED into passion. But, +alas! he loved a shadow. He could not come near her, could not +speak to her, could not hear a sound from those sweet lips, to +which his longing eyes would cling like bees to their +honey-founts. Ever and anon he sang to himself: + + "I shall die for love of the maiden;" + +and ever he looked again, and died not, though his heart seemed +ready to break with intensity of life and longing. And the more +he did for her, the more he loved her; and he hoped that, +although she never appeared to see him, yet she was pleased to +think that one unknown would give his life to her. He tried to +comfort himself over his separation from her, by thinking that +perhaps some day she would see him and make signs to him, and +that would satisfy him; "for," thought he, "is not this all that +a loving soul can do to enter into communion with another? Nay, +how many who love never come nearer than to behold each other as +in a mirror; seem to know and yet never know the inward life; +never enter the other soul; and part at last, with but the +vaguest notion of the universe on the borders of which they have +been hovering for years? If I could but speak to her, and knew +that she heard me, I should be satisfied." Once he contemplated +painting a picture on the wall, which should, of necessity, +convey to the lady a thought of himself; but, though he had some +skill with the pencil, he found his hand tremble so much when he +began the attempt, that he was forced to give it up. . +. . . . + + "Who lives, he dies; who dies, he is alive." + + One evening, as he stood gazing on his treasure, he thought he +saw a faint expression of self-consciousness on her countenance, +as if she surmised that passionate eyes were fixed upon her. +This grew; till at last the red blood rose over her neck, and +cheek, and brow. Cosmo's longing to approach her became almost +delirious. This night she was dressed in an evening costume, +resplendent with diamonds. This could add nothing to her beauty, +but it presented it in a new aspect; enabled her loveliness to +make a new manifestation of itself in a new embodiment. For +essential beauty is infinite; and, as the soul of Nature needs an +endless succession of varied forms to embody her loveliness, +countless faces of beauty springing forth, not any two the same, +at any one of her heart-throbs; so the individual form needs an +infinite change of its environments, to enable it to uncover all +the phases of its loveliness. Diamonds glittered from amidst her +hair, half hidden in its luxuriance, like stars through dark +rain-clouds; and the bracelets on her white arms flashed all the +colours of a rainbow of lightnings, as she lifted her snowy hands +to cover her burning face. But her beauty shone down all its +adornment. "If I might have but one of her feet to kiss," +thought Cosmo, "I should be content." Alas! he deceived himself, +for passion is never content. Nor did he know that there are TWO +ways out of her enchanted house. But, suddenly, as if the pang +had been driven into his heart from without, revealing itself +first in pain, and afterwards in definite form, the thought +darted into his mind, "She has a lover somewhere. Remembered +words of his bring the colour on her face now. I am nowhere to +her. She lives in another world all day, and all night, after +she leaves me. Why does she come and make me love her, till I, a +strong man, am too faint to look upon her more?" He looked +again, and her face was pale as a lily. A sorrowful compassion +seemed to rebuke the glitter of the restless jewels, and the slow +tears rose in her eyes. She left her room sooner this evening +than was her wont. Cosmo remained alone, with a feeling as if +his bosom had been suddenly left empty and hollow, and the weight +of the whole world was crushing in its walls. The next evening, +for the first time since she began to come, she came not. + +And now Cosmo was in wretched plight. Since the thought of a +rival had occurred to him, he could not rest for a moment. More +than ever he longed to see the lady face to face. He persuaded +himself that if he but knew the worst he would be satisfied; for +then he could abandon Prague, and find that relief in constant +motion, which is the hope of all active minds when invaded by +distress. Meantime he waited with unspeakable anxiety for the +next night, hoping she would return: but she did not appear. And +now he fell really ill. Rallied by his fellow students on his +wretched looks, he ceased to attend the lectures. His +engagements were neglected. He cared for nothing, The sky, with +the great sun in it, was to him a heartless, burning desert. The +men and women in the streets were mere puppets, without motives +in themselves, or interest to him. He saw them all as on the +ever- changing field of a camera obscura. She--she alone and +altogether--was his universe, his well of life, his incarnate +good. For six evenings she came not. Let his absorbing passion, +and the slow fever that was consuming his brain, be his excuse +for the resolution which he had taken and begun to execute, +before that time had expired. + +Reasoning with himself, that it must be by some enchantment +connected with the mirror, that the form of the lady was to be +seen in it, he determined to attempt to turn to account what he +had hitherto studied principally from curiosity. "For," said he +to himself, "if a spell can force her presence in that glass (and +she came unwillingly at first), may not a stronger spell, such as +I know, especially with the aid of her half-presence in the +mirror, if ever she appears again, compel her living form to come +to me here? If I do her wrong, let love be my excuse. I want +only to know my doom from her own lips." He never doubted, all +the time, that she was a real earthly woman; or, rather, that +there was a woman, who, somehow or other, threw this reflection +of her form into the magic mirror. + +He opened his secret drawer, took out his books of magic, lighted +his lamp, and read and made notes from midnight till three in the +morning, for three successive nights. Then he replaced his +books; and the next night went out in quest of the materials +necessary for the conjuration. These were not easy to find; for, +in love-charms and all incantations of this nature, ingredients +are employed scarcely fit to be mentioned, and for the thought +even of which, in connexion with her, he could only excuse +himself on the score of his bitter need. At length he succeeded +in procuring all he required; and on the seventh evening from +that on which she had last appeared, he found himself prepared +for the exercise of unlawful and tyrannical power. + +He cleared the centre of the room; stooped and drew a circle of +red on the floor, around the spot where he stood; wrote in the +four quarters mystical signs, and numbers which were all powers +of seven or nine; examined the whole ring carefully, to see that +no smallest break had occurred in the circumference; and then +rose from his bending posture. As he rose, the church clock +struck seven; and, just as she had appeared the first time, +reluctant, slow, and stately, glided in the lady. Cosmo +trembled; and when, turning, she revealed a countenance worn and +wan, as with sickness or inward trouble, he grew faint, and felt +as if he dared not proceed. But as he gazed on the face and +form, which now possessed his whole soul, to the exclusion of all +other joys and griefs, the longing to speak to her, to know that +she heard him, to hear from her one word in return, became so +unendurable, that he suddenly and hastily resumed his +preparations. Stepping carefully from the circle, he put a small +brazier into its centre. He then set fire to its contents of +charcoal, and while it burned up, opened his window and seated +himself, waiting, beside it. + +It was a sultry evening. The air was full of thunder. A sense +of luxurious depression filled the brain. The sky seemed to have +grown heavy, and to compress the air beneath it. A kind of +purplish tinge pervaded the atmosphere, and through the open +window came the scents of the distant fields, which all the +vapours of the city could not quench. Soon the charcoal glowed. +Cosmo sprinkled upon it the incense and other substances which he +had compounded, and, stepping within the circle, turned his face +from the brazier and towards the mirror. Then, fixing his eyes +upon the face of the lady, he began with a trembling voice to +repeat a powerful incantation. He had not gone far, before the +lady grew pale; and then, like a returning wave, the blood washed +all its banks with its crimson tide, and she hid her face in her +hands. Then he passed to a conjuration stronger yet. + +The lady rose and walked uneasily to and fro in her room. +Another spell; and she seemed seeking with her eyes for some +object on which they wished to rest. At length it seemed as if +she suddenly espied him; for her eyes fixed themselves full and +wide upon his, and she drew gradually, and somewhat unwillingly, +close to her side of the mirror, just as if his eyes had +fascinated her. Cosmo had never seen her so near before. Now at +least, eyes met eyes; but he could not quite understand the +expression of hers. They were full of tender entreaty, but there +was something more that he could not interpret. Though his heart +seemed to labour in his throat, he would allow no delight or +agitation to turn him from his task. Looking still in her face, +he passed on to the mightiest charm he knew. Suddenly the lady +turned and walked out of the door of her reflected chamber. A +moment after she entered his room with veritable presence; and, +forgetting all his precautions, he sprang from the charmed +circle, and knelt before her. There she stood, the living lady +of his passionate visions, alone beside him, in a thundery +twilight, and the glow of a magic fire. + +"Why," said the lady, with a trembling voice, "didst thou bring a +poor maiden through the rainy streets alone?" + +"Because I am dying for love of thee; but I only brought thee +from the mirror there." + +"Ah, the mirror!" and she looked up at it, and shuddered. "Alas! +I am but a slave, while that mirror exists. But do not think it +was the power of thy spells that drew me; it was thy longing +desire to see me, that beat at the door of my heart, till I was +forced to yield." + +"Canst thou love me then?" said Cosmo, in a voice calm as death, +but almost inarticulate with emotion. + +"I do not know," she replied sadly; "that I cannot tell, so long +as I am bewildered with enchantments. It were indeed a joy too +great, to lay my head on thy bosom and weep to death; for I think +thou lovest me, though I do not know;--but----" + +Cosmo rose from his knees. + +"I love thee as--nay, I know not what--for since I have loved +thee, there is nothing else." + +He seized her hand: she withdrew it. + +"No, better not; I am in thy power, and therefore I may not." + +She burst into tears, and kneeling before him in her turn, said-- + +"Cosmo, if thou lovest me, set me free, even from thyself; break +the mirror." + +"And shall I see thyself instead?" + +"That I cannot tell, I will not deceive thee; we may never meet +again." + +A fierce struggle arose in Cosmo's bosom. Now she was in his +power. She did not dislike him at least; and he could see her +when he would. To break the mirror would be to destroy his very +life to banish out of his universe the only glory it possessed. +The whole world would be but a prison, if he annihilated the one +window that looked into the paradise of love. Not yet pure in +love, he hesitated. + +With a wail of sorrow the lady rose to her feet. "Ah! he loves +me not; he loves me not even as I love him; and alas! I care +more for his love than even for the freedom I ask." + +"I will not wait to be willing," cried Cosmo; and sprang to the +corner where the great sword stood. + +Meantime it had grown very dark; only the embers cast a red glow +through the room. He seized the sword by the steel scabbard, and +stood before the mirror; but as he heaved a great blow at it with +the heavy pommel, the blade slipped half-way out of the scabbard, +and the pommel struck the wall above the mirror. At that moment, +a terrible clap of thunder seemed to burst in the very room +beside them; and ere Cosmo could repeat the blow, he fell +senseless on the hearth. When he came to himself, he found that +the lady and the mirror had both disappeared. He was seized with +a brain fever, which kept him to his couch for weeks. + +When he recovered his reason, he began to think what could have +become of the mirror. For the lady, he hoped she had found her +way back as she came; but as the mirror involved her fate with +its own, he was more immediately anxious about that. He could +not think she had carried it away. It was much too heavy, even +if it had not been too firmly fixed in the wall, for her to +remove it. Then again, he remembered the thunder; which made him +believe that it was not the lightning, but some other blow that +had struck him down. He concluded that, either by supernatural +agency, he having exposed himself to the vengeance of the demons +in leaving the circle of safety, or in some other mode, the +mirror had probably found its way back to its former owner; and, +horrible to think of, might have been by this time once more +disposed of, delivering up the lady into the power of another +man; who, if he used his power no worse than he himself had done, +might yet give Cosmo abundant cause to curse the selfish +indecision which prevented him from shattering the mirror at +once. Indeed, to think that she whom he loved, and who had +prayed to him for freedom, should be still at the mercy, in some +degree, of the possessor of the mirror, and was at least exposed +to his constant observation, was in itself enough to madden a +chary lover. + +Anxiety to be well retarded his recovery; but at length he was +able to creep abroad. He first made his way to the old broker's, +pretending to be in search of something else. A laughing sneer +on the creature's face convinced him that he knew all about it; +but he could not see it amongst his furniture, or get any +information out of him as to what had become of it. He expressed +the utmost surprise at hearing it had been stolen, a surprise +which Cosmo saw at once to be counterfeited; while, at the same +time, he fancied that the old wretch was not at all anxious to +have it mistaken for genuine. Full of distress, which he +concealed as well as he could, he made many searches, but with no +avail. Of course he could ask no questions; but he kept his ears +awake for any remotest hint that might set him in a direction of +search. He never went out without a short heavy hammer of steel +about him, that he might shatter the mirror the moment he was +made happy by the sight of his lost treasure, if ever that +blessed moment should arrive. Whether he should see the lady +again, was now a thought altogether secondary, and postponed to +the achievement of her freedom. He wandered here and there, like +an anxious ghost, pale and haggard; gnawed ever at the heart, by +the thought of what she might be suffering--all from his fault. + +One night, he mingled with a crowd that filled the rooms of one +of the most distinguished mansions in the city; for he accepted +every invitation, that he might lose no chance, however poor, of +obtaining some information that might expedite his discovery. +Here he wandered about, listening to every stray word that he +could catch, in the hope of a revelation. As he approached some +ladies who were talking quietly in a corner, one said to another: + +"Have you heard of the strange illness of the Princess von +Hohenweiss?" + +"Yes; she has been ill for more than a year now. It is very sad +for so fine a creature to have such a terrible malady. She was +better for some weeks lately, but within the last few days the +same attacks have returned, apparently accompanied with more +suffering than ever. It is altogether an inexplicable story." + +"Is there a story connected with her illness?" + +"I have only heard imperfect reports of it; but it is said that +she gave offence some eighteen months ago to an old woman who had +held an office of trust in the family, and who, after some +incoherent threats, disappeared. This peculiar affection +followed soon after. But the strangest part of the story is its +association with the loss of an antique mirror, which stood in +her dressing-room, and of which she constantly made use." + +Here the speaker's voice sank to a whisper; and Cosmo, although +his very soul sat listening in his ears, could hear no more. He +trembled too much to dare to address the ladies, even if it had +been advisable to expose himself to their curiosity. The name of +the Princess was well known to him, but he had never seen her; +except indeed it was she, which now he hardly doubted, who had +knelt before him on that dreadful night. Fearful of attracting +attention, for, from the weak state of his health, he could not +recover an appearance of calmness, he made his way to the open +air, and reached his lodgings; glad in this, that he at least +knew where she lived, although he never dreamed of approaching +her openly, even if he should be happy enough to free her from +her hateful bondage. He hoped, too, that as he had unexpectedly +learned so much, the other and far more important part might be +revealed to him ere long. + . . . . . + + +"Have you seen Steinwald lately?" + +"No, I have not seen him for some time. He is almost a match for +me at the rapier, and I suppose he thinks he needs no more +lessons." + +"I wonder what has become of him. I want to see him very much. +Let me see; the last time I saw him he was coming out of that old +broker's den, to which, if you remember, you accompanied me once, +to look at some armour. That is fully three weeks ago." + +This hint was enough for Cosmo. Von Steinwald was a man of +influence in the court, well known for his reckless habits and +fierce passions. The very possibility that the mirror should be +in his possession was hell itself to Cosmo. But violent or hasty +measures of any sort were most unlikely to succeed. All that he +wanted was an opportunity of breaking the fatal glass; and to +obtain this he must bide his time. He revolved many plans in his +mind, but without being able to fix upon any. + +At length, one evening, as he was passing the house of Von +Steinwald, he saw the windows more than usually brilliant. He +watched for a while, and seeing that company began to arrive, +hastened home, and dressed as richly as he could, in the hope of +mingling with the guests unquestioned: in effecting which, there +could be no difficulty for a man of his carriage. + . . . . . + + +In a lofty, silent chamber, in another part of the city, lay a +form more like marble than a living woman. The loveliness of +death seemed frozen upon her face, for her lips were rigid, and +her eyelids closed. Her long white hands were crossed over her +breast, and no breathing disturbed their repose. Beside the +dead, men speak in whispers, as if the deepest rest of all could +be broken by the sound of a living voice. Just so, though the +soul was evidently beyond the reach of all intimations from the +senses, the two ladies, who sat beside her, spoke in the gentlest +tones of subdued sorrow. +"She has lain so for an hour." + +"This cannot last long, I fear." + +"How much thinner she has grown within the last few weeks! If +she would only speak, and explain what she suffers, it would be +better for her. I think she has visions in her trances, but +nothing can induce her to refer to them when she is awake." + +"Does she ever speak in these trances?" + +"I have never heard her; but they say she walks sometimes, and +once put the whole household in a terrible fright by disappearing +for a whole hour, and returning drenched with rain, and almost +dead with exhaustion and fright. But even then she would give no +account of what had happened." + +A scarce audible murmur from the yet motionless lips of the lady +here startled her attendants. After several ineffectual attempts +at articulation, the word "COSMO!" burst from her. Then she lay +still as before; but only for a moment. With a wild cry, she +sprang from the couch erect on the floor, flung her arms above +her head, with clasped and straining hands, and, her wide eyes +flashing with light, called aloud, with a voice exultant as that +of a spirit bursting from a sepulchre, "I am free! I am free! I +thank thee!" Then she flung herself on the couch, and sobbed; +then rose, and paced wildly up and down the room, with gestures +of mingled delight and anxiety. Then turning to her motionless +attendants--"Quick, Lisa, my cloak and hood!" Then lower--"I +must go to him. Make haste, Lisa! You may come with me, if you +will." + +In another moment they were in the street, hurrying along towards +one of the bridges over the Moldau. The moon was near the +zenith, and the streets were almost empty. The Princess soon +outstripped her attendant, and was half-way over the bridge, +before the other reached it. + +"Are you free, lady? The mirror is broken: are you free?" + +The words were spoken close beside her, as she hurried on. She +turned; and there, leaning on the parapet in a recess of the +bridge, stood Cosmo, in a splendid dress, but with a white and +quivering face. + +"Cosmo!--I am free--and thy servant for ever. I was coming to +you now." + +"And I to you, for Death made me bold; but I could get no +further. Have I atoned at all? Do I love you a little--truly?" + +"Ah, I know now that you love me, my Cosmo; but what do you say +about death?" + +He did not reply. His hand was pressed against his side. She +looked more closely: the blood was welling from between the +fingers. She flung her arms around him with a faint bitter wail. + +When Lisa came up, she found her mistress kneeling above a wan +dead face, which smiled on in the spectral moonbeams. + + And now I will say no more about these wondrous volumes; though +I could tell many a tale out of them, and could, perhaps, vaguely +represent some entrancing thoughts of a deeper kind which I found +within them. From many a sultry noon till twilight, did I sit in +that grand hall, buried and risen again in these old books. And +I trust I have carried away in my soul some of the exhalations of +their undying leaves. In after hours of deserved or needful +sorrow, portions of what I read there have often come to me +again, with an unexpected comforting; which was not fruitless, +even though the comfort might seem in itself groundless and vain. + + + + + + CHAPTER XIV + + "Your gallery + Ha we pass'd through, not without much content + In many singularities; but we saw not + That which my daughter came to look upon, + The state of her mother." + Winter's Tale. + +It seemed to me strange, that all this time I had heard no music +in the fairy palace. I was convinced there must be music in it, +but that my sense was as yet too gross to receive the influence +of those mysterious motions that beget sound. Sometimes I felt +sure, from the way the few figures of which I got such transitory +glimpses passed me, or glided into vacancy before me, that they +were moving to the law of music; and, in fact, several times I +fancied for a moment that I heard a few wondrous tones coming I +knew not whence. But they did not last long enough to convince +me that I had heard them with the bodily sense. Such as they +were, however, they took strange liberties with me, causing me to +burst suddenly into tears, of which there was no presence to make +me ashamed, or casting me into a kind of trance of speechless +delight, which, passing as suddenly, left me faint and longing +for more. + +Now, on an evening, before I had been a week in the palace, I was +wandering through one lighted arcade and corridor after another. +At length I arrived, through a door that closed behind me, in +another vast hall of the palace. It was filled with a subdued +crimson light; by which I saw that slender pillars of black, +built close to walls of white marble, rose to a great height, and +then, dividing into innumerable divergent arches, supported a +roof, like the walls, of white marble, upon which the arches +intersected intricately, forming a fretting of black upon the +white, like the network of a skeleton-leaf. The floor was black. + +Between several pairs of the pillars upon every side, the place +of the wall behind was occupied by a crimson curtain of thick +silk, hanging in heavy and rich folds. Behind each of these +curtains burned a powerful light, and these were the sources of +the glow that filled the hall. A peculiar delicious odour +pervaded the place. As soon as I entered, the old inspiration +seemed to return to me, for I felt a strong impulse to sing; or +rather, it seemed as if some one else was singing a song in my +soul, which wanted to come forth at my lips, imbodied in my +breath. But I kept silence; and feeling somewhat overcome by the +red light and the perfume, as well as by the emotion within me, +and seeing at one end of the hall a great crimson chair, more +like a throne than a chair, beside a table of white marble, I +went to it, and, throwing myself in it, gave myself up to a +succession of images of bewildering beauty, which passed before +my inward eye, in a long and occasionally crowded train. Here I +sat for hours, I suppose; till, returning somewhat to myself, I +saw that the red light had paled away, and felt a cool gentle +breath gliding over my forehead. I rose and left the hall with +unsteady steps, finding my way with some difficulty to my own +chamber, and faintly remembering, as I went, that only in the +marble cave, before I found the sleeping statue, had I ever had a +similar experience. + +After this, I repaired every morning to the same hall; where I +sometimes sat in the chair and dreamed deliciously, and sometimes +walked up and down over the black floor. Sometimes I acted +within myself a whole drama, during one of these perambulations; +sometimes walked deliberately through the whole epic of a tale; +sometimes ventured to sing a song, though with a shrinking fear +of I knew not what. I was astonished at the beauty of my own +voice as it rang through the place, or rather crept undulating, +like a serpent of sound, along the walls and roof of this superb +music-hall. Entrancing verses arose within me as of their own +accord, chanting themselves to their own melodies, and requiring +no addition of music to satisfy the inward sense. But, ever in +the pauses of these, when the singing mood was upon me, I seemed +to hear something like the distant sound of multitudes of +dancers, and felt as if it was the unheard music, moving their +rhythmic motion, that within me blossomed in verse and song. I +felt, too, that could I but see the dance, I should, from the +harmony of complicated movements, not of the dancers in relation +to each other merely, but of each dancer individually in the +manifested plastic power that moved the consenting harmonious +form, understand the whole of the music on the billows of which +they floated and swung. + +At length, one night, suddenly, when this feeling of dancing came +upon me, I bethought me of lifting one of the crimson curtains, +and looking if, perchance, behind it there might not be hid some +other mystery, which might at least remove a step further the +bewilderment of the present one. Nor was I altogether +disappointed. I walked to one of the magnificent draperies, +lifted a corner, and peeped in. There, burned a great, crimson, +globe-shaped light, high in the cubical centre of another hall, +which might be larger or less than that in which I stood, for its +dimensions were not easily perceived, seeing that floor and roof +and walls were entirely of black marble. + +The roof was supported by the same arrangement of pillars +radiating in arches, as that of the first hall; only, here, the +pillars and arches were of dark red. But what absorbed my +delighted gaze, was an innumerable assembly of white marble +statues, of every form, and in multitudinous posture, filling the +hall throughout. These stood, in the ruddy glow of the great +lamp, upon pedestals of jet black. Around the lamp shone in +golden letters, plainly legible from where I stood, the two +words-- + + TOUCH NOT! + +There was in all this, however, no solution to the sound of +dancing; and now I was aware that the influence on my mind had +ceased. I did not go in that evening, for I was weary and faint, +but I hoarded up the expectation of entering, as of a great +coming joy. + +Next night I walked, as on the preceding, through the hall. My +mind was filled with pictures and songs, and therewith so much +absorbed, that I did not for some time think of looking within +the curtain I had last night lifted. When the thought of doing +so occurred to me first, I happened to be within a few yards of +it. I became conscious, at the same moment, that the sound of +dancing had been for some time in my ears. I approached the +curtain quickly, and, lifting it, entered the black hall. +Everything was still as death. I should have concluded that the +sound must have proceeded from some other more distant quarter, +which conclusion its faintness would, in ordinary circumstances, +have necessitated from the first; but there was a something about +the statues that caused me still to remain in doubt. As I said, +each stood perfectly still upon its black pedestal: but there was +about every one a certain air, not of motion, but as if it had +just ceased from movement; as if the rest were not altogether of +the marbly stillness of thousands of years. It was as if the +peculiar atmosphere of each had yet a kind of invisible +tremulousness; as if its agitated wavelets had not yet subsided +into a perfect calm. I had the suspicion that they had +anticipated my appearance, and had sprung, each, from the living +joy of the dance, to the death-silence and blackness of its +isolated pedestal, just before I entered. I walked across the +central hall to the curtain opposite the one I had lifted, and, +entering there, found all the appearances similar; only that the +statues were different, and differently grouped. Neither did +they produce on my mind that impression--of motion just expired, +which I had experienced from the others. I found that behind +every one of the crimson curtains was a similar hall, similarly +lighted, and similarly occupied. + +The next night, I did not allow my thoughts to be absorbed as +before with inward images, but crept stealthily along to the +furthest curtain in the hall, from behind which, likewise, I had +formerly seemed to hear the sound of dancing. I drew aside its +edge as suddenly as I could, and, looking in, saw that the utmost +stillness pervaded the vast place. I walked in, and passed +through it to the other end. + +There I found that it communicated with a circular corridor, +divided from it only by two rows of red columns. This corridor, +which was black, with red niches holding statues, ran entirely +about the statue- halls, forming a communication between the +further ends of them all; further, that is, as regards the +central hall of white whence they all diverged like radii, +finding their circumference in the corridor. + +Round this corridor I now went, entering all the halls, of which +there were twelve, and finding them all similarly constructed, +but filled with quite various statues, of what seemed both +ancient and modern sculpture. After I had simply walked through +them, I found myself sufficiently tired to long for rest, and +went to my own room. + +In the night I dreamed that, walking close by one of the +curtains, I was suddenly seized with the desire to enter, and +darted in. This time I was too quick for them. All the statues +were in motion, statues no longer, but men and women--all shapes +of beauty that ever sprang from the brain of the sculptor, +mingled in the convolutions of a complicated dance. Passing +through them to the further end, I almost started from my sleep +on beholding, not taking part in the dance with the others, nor +seemingly endued with life like them, but standing in marble +coldness and rigidity upon a black pedestal in the extreme left +corner--my lady of the cave; the marble beauty who sprang from +her tomb or her cradle at the call of my songs. While I gazed in +speechless astonishment and admiration, a dark shadow, descending +from above like the curtain of a stage, gradually hid her +entirely from my view. I felt with a shudder that this shadow +was perchance my missing demon, whom I had not seen for days. I +awoke with a stifled cry. + +Of course, the next evening I began my journey through the halls +(for I knew not to which my dream had carried me), in the hope of +proving the dream to be a true one, by discovering my marble +beauty upon her black pedestal. At length, on reaching the tenth +hall, I thought I recognised some of the forms I had seen dancing +in my dream; and to my bewilderment, when I arrived at the +extreme corner on the left, there stood, the only one I had yet +seen, a vacant pedestal. It was exactly in the position +occupied, in my dream, by the pedestal on which the white lady +stood. Hope beat violently in my heart. + +"Now," said I to myself, "if yet another part of the dream would +but come true, and I should succeed in surprising these forms in +their nightly dance; it might be the rest would follow, and I +should see on the pedestal my marble queen. Then surely if my +songs sufficed to give her life before, when she lay in the bonds +of alabaster, much more would they be sufficient then to give her +volition and motion, when she alone of assembled crowds of marble +forms, would be standing rigid and cold." + +But the difficulty was, to surprise the dancers. I had found +that a premeditated attempt at surprise, though executed with the +utmost care and rapidity, was of no avail. And, in my dream, it +was effected by a sudden thought suddenly executed. I saw, +therefore, that there was no plan of operation offering any +probability of success, but this: to allow my mind to be occupied +with other thoughts, as I wandered around the great centre-hall; +and so wait till the impulse to enter one of the others should +happen to arise in me just at the moment when I was close to one +of the crimson curtains. For I hoped that if I entered any one +of the twelve halls at the right moment, that would as it were +give me the right of entrance to all the others, seeing they all +had communication behind. I would not diminish the hope of the +right chance, by supposing it necessary that a desire to enter +should awake within me, precisely when I was close to the +curtains of the tenth hall. + +At first the impulses to see recurred so continually, in spite of +the crowded imagery that kept passing through my mind, that they +formed too nearly a continuous chain, for the hope that any one +of them would succeed as a surprise. But as I persisted in +banishing them, they recurred less and less often; and after two +or three, at considerable intervals, had come when the spot where +I happened to be was unsuitable, the hope strengthened, that soon +one might arise just at the right moment; namely, when, in +walking round the hall, I should be close to one of the curtains. + +At length the right moment and the impulse coincided. I darted +into the ninth hall. It was full of the most exquisite moving +forms. The whole space wavered and swam with the involutions of +an intricate dance. It seemed to break suddenly as I entered, +and all made one or two bounds towards their pedestals; but, +apparently on finding that they were thoroughly overtaken, they +returned to their employment (for it seemed with them earnest +enough to be called such) without further heeding me. Somewhat +impeded by the floating crowd, I made what haste I could towards +the bottom of the hall; whence, entering the corridor, I turned +towards the tenth. I soon arrived at the corner I wanted to +reach, for the corridor was comparatively empty; but, although +the dancers here, after a little confusion, altogether +disregarded my presence, I was dismayed at beholding, even yet, a +vacant pedestal. But I had a conviction that she was near me. +And as I looked at the pedestal, I thought I saw upon it, vaguely +revealed as if through overlapping folds of drapery, the +indistinct outlines of white feet. Yet there was no sign of +drapery or concealing shadow whatever. But I remembered the +descending shadow in my dream. And I hoped still in the power of +my songs; thinking that what could dispel alabaster, might +likewise be capable of dispelling what concealed my beauty now, +even if it were the demon whose darkness had overshadowed all my +life. + + + + + + CHAPTER XV + + "Alexander. 'When will you finish Campaspe?' + Apelles. 'Never finish: for always in absolute + beauty there is somewhat above art.'" + LYLY'S Campaspe. + +And now, what song should I sing to unveil my Isis, if indeed she +was present unseen? I hurried away to the white hall of +Phantasy, heedless of the innumerable forms of beauty that +crowded my way: these might cross my eyes, but the unseen filled +my brain. I wandered long, up and down the silent space: no +songs came. My soul was not still enough for songs. Only in the +silence and darkness of the soul's night, do those stars of the +inward firmament sink to its lower surface from the singing +realms beyond, and shine upon the conscious spirit. Here all +effort was unavailing. If they came not, they could not be +found. + +Next night, it was just the same. I walked through the red +glimmer of the silent hall; but lonely as there I walked, as +lonely trod my soul up and down the halls of the brain. At last +I entered one of the statue-halls. The dance had just commenced, +and I was delighted to find that I was free of their assembly. I +walked on till I came to the sacred corner. There I found the +pedestal just as I had left it, with the faint glimmer as of +white feet still resting on the dead black. As soon as I saw it, +I seemed to feel a presence which longed to become visible; and, +as it were, called to me to gift it with self- manifestation, +that it might shine on me. The power of song came to me. But +the moment my voice, though I sang low and soft, stirred the air +of the hall, the dancers started; the quick interweaving crowd +shook, lost its form, divided; each figure sprang to its +pedestal, and stood, a self-evolving life no more, but a rigid, +life-like, marble shape, with the whole form composed into the +expression of a single state or act. Silence rolled like a +spiritual thunder through the grand space. My song had ceased, +scared at its own influences. But I saw in the hand of one of +the statues close by me, a harp whose chords yet quivered. I +remembered that as she bounded past me, her harp had brushed +against my arm; so the spell of the marble had not infolded it. +I sprang to her, and with a gesture of entreaty, laid my hand on +the harp. The marble hand, probably from its contact with the +uncharmed harp, had strength enough to relax its hold, and yield +the harp to me. No other motion indicated life. Instinctively I +struck the chords and sang. And not to break upon the record of +my song, I mention here, that as I sang the first four lines, the +loveliest feet became clear upon the black pedestal; and ever as +I sang, it was as if a veil were being lifted up from before the +form, but an invisible veil, so that the statue appeared to grow +before me, not so much by evolution, as by infinitesimal degrees +of added height. And, while I sang, I did not feel that I stood +by a statue, as indeed it appeared to be, but that a real +woman-soul was revealing itself by successive stages of +imbodiment, and consequent manifestatlon and expression. + + Feet of beauty, firmly planting + Arches white on rosy heel! + Whence the life-spring, throbbing, panting, + Pulses upward to reveal! + Fairest things know least despising; + Foot and earth meet tenderly: + 'Tis the woman, resting, rising + Upward to sublimity, + Rise the limbs, sedately sloping, + Strong and gentle, full and free; + Soft and slow, like certain hoping, + Drawing nigh the broad firm knee. + Up to speech! As up to roses + Pants the life from leaf to flower, + So each blending change discloses, + Nearer still, expression's power. + + Lo! fair sweeps, white surges, twining + Up and outward fearlessly! + Temple columns, close combining, + Lift a holy mystery. + Heart of mine! what strange surprises + Mount aloft on such a stair! + Some great vision upward rises, + Curving, bending, floating fair. + + Bands and sweeps, and hill and hollow + Lead my fascinated eye; + Some apocalypse will follow, + Some new world of deity. + Zoned unseen, and outward swelling, + With new thoughts and wonders rife, + Queenly majesty foretelling, + See the expanding house of life! + + Sudden heaving, unforbidden + Sighs eternal, still the same-- + Mounts of snow have summits hidden + In the mists of uttered flame. + But the spirit, dawning nearly + Finds no speech for earnest pain; + Finds a soundless sighing merely-- + Builds its stairs, and mounts again. + + Heart, the queen, with secret hoping, + Sendeth out her waiting pair; + Hands, blind hands, half blindly groping, + Half inclasping visions rare; + And the great arms, heartways bending; + Might of Beauty, drawing home + There returning, and re-blending, + Where from roots of love they roam. + + Build thy slopes of radiance beamy + Spirit, fair with womanhood! + Tower thy precipice, white-gleamy, + Climb unto the hour of good. + Dumb space will be rent asunder, + Now the shining column stands + Ready to be crowned with wonder + By the builder's joyous hands. + + All the lines abroad are spreading, + Like a fountain's falling race. + Lo, the chin, first feature, treading, + Airy foot to rest the face! + Speech is nigh; oh, see the blushing, + Sweet approach of lip and breath! + Round the mouth dim silence, hushing, + Waits to die ecstatic death. + + Span across in treble curving, + Bow of promise, upper lip! + Set them free, with gracious swerving; + Let the wing-words float and dip. + DUMB ART THOU? O Love immortal, + More than words thy speech must be; + Childless yet the tender portal + Of the home of melody. + + Now the nostrils open fearless, + Proud in calm unconsciousness, + Sure it must be something peerless + That the great Pan would express! + Deepens, crowds some meaning tender, + In the pure, dear lady-face. + Lo, a blinding burst of splendour!-- + 'Tis the free soul's issuing grace. + + Two calm lakes of molten glory + Circling round unfathomed deeps! + Lightning-flashes, transitory, + Cross the gulfs where darkness sleeps. + This the gate, at last, of gladness, + To the outward striving me: + In a rain of light and sadness, + Out its loves and longings flee! + + With a presence I am smitten + Dumb, with a foreknown surprise; + Presence greater yet than written + Even in the glorious eyes. + Through the gulfs, with inward gazes, + I may look till I am lost; + Wandering deep in spirit-mazes, + In a sea without a coast. + + Windows open to the glorious! + Time and space, oh, far beyond! + Woman, ah! thou art victorious, + And I perish, overfond. + Springs aloft the yet Unspoken + In the forehead's endless grace, + Full of silences unbroken; + Infinite, unfeatured face. + + Domes above, the mount of wonder; + Height and hollow wrapt in night; + Hiding in its caverns under + Woman-nations in their might. + Passing forms, the highest Human + Faints away to the Divine + Features none, of man or woman, + Can unveil the holiest shine. + + Sideways, grooved porches only + Visible to passing eye, + Stand the silent, doorless, lonely + Entrance-gates of melody. + But all sounds fly in as boldly, + Groan and song, and kiss and cry + At their galleries, lifted coldly, + Darkly, 'twixt the earth and sky. + + Beauty, thou art spent, thou knowest + So, in faint, half-glad despair, + From the summit thou o'erflowest + In a fall of torrent hair; + Hiding what thou hast created + In a half-transparent shroud: + Thus, with glory soft-abated, + Shines the moon through vapoury cloud. + + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + + "Ev'n the Styx, which ninefold her infoldeth + Hems not Ceres' daughter in its flow; + But she grasps the apple--ever holdeth + Her, sad Orcus, down below." + SCHILLER, Das Ideal und das Leben. + +Ever as I sang, the veil was uplifted; ever as I sang, the signs +of life grew; till, when the eyes dawned upon me, it was with +that sunrise of splendour which my feeble song attempted to +re-imbody. + +The wonder is, that I was not altogether overcome, but was able +to complete my song as the unseen veil continued to rise. This +ability came solely from the state of mental elevation in which I +found myself. Only because uplifted in song, was I able to +endure the blaze of the dawn. But I cannot tell whether she +looked more of statue or more of woman; she seemed removed into +that region of phantasy where all is intensely vivid, but nothing +clearly defined. At last, as I sang of her descending hair, the +glow of soul faded away, like a dying sunset. A lamp within had +been extinguished, and the house of life shone blank in a winter +morn. She was a statue once more--but visible, and that was much +gained. Yet the revulsion from hope and fruition was such, that, +unable to restrain myself, I sprang to her, and, in defiance of +the law of the place, flung my arms around her, as if I would +tear her from the grasp of a visible Death, and lifted her from +the pedestal down to my heart. But no sooner had her feet ceased +to be in contact with the black pedestal, than she shuddered and +trembled all over; then, writhing from my arms, before I could +tighten their hold, she sprang into the corridor, with the +reproachful cry, "You should not have touched me!" darted behind +one of the exterior pillars of the circle, and disappeared. I +followed almost as fast; but ere I could reach the pillar, the +sound of a closing door, the saddest of all sounds sometimes, +fell on my ear; and, arriving at the spot where she had vanished, +I saw, lighted by a pale yellow lamp which hung above it, a +heavy, rough door, altogether unlike any others I had seen in the +palace; for they were all of ebony, or ivory, or covered with +silver-plates, or of some odorous wood, and very ornate; whereas +this seemed of old oak, with heavy nails and iron studs. +Notwithstanding the precipitation of my pursuit, I could not help +reading, in silver letters beneath the lamp: "NO ONE ENTERS HERE +WITHOUT THE LEAVE OF THE QUEEN." But what was the Queen to me, +when I followed my white lady? I dashed the door to the wall and +sprang through. Lo! I stood on a waste windy hill. Great stones +like tombstones stood all about me. No door, no palace was to be +seen. A white figure gleamed past me, wringing her hands, and +crying, "Ah! you should have sung to me; you should have sung to +me!" and disappeared behind one of the stones. I followed. A +cold gust of wind met me from behind the stone; and when I +looked, I saw nothing but a great hole in the earth, into which I +could find no way of entering. Had she fallen in? I could not +tell. I must wait for the daylight. I sat down and wept, for +there was no help. + + + + + + CHAPTER XVII + + "First, I thought, almost despairing, + This must crush my spirit now; + Yet I bore it, and am bearing-- + Only do not ask me how." + HEINE. + +When the daylight came, it brought the possibility of action, but +with it little of consolation. With the first visible increase +of light, I gazed into the chasm, but could not, for more than an +hour, see sufficiently well to discover its nature. At last I +saw it was almost a perpendicular opening, like a roughly +excavated well, only very large. I could perceive no bottom; and +it was not till the sun actually rose, that I discovered a sort +of natural staircase, in many parts little more than suggested, +which led round and round the gulf, descending spirally into its +abyss. I saw at once that this was my path; and without a +moment's hesitation, glad to quit the sunlight, which stared at +me most heartlessly, I commenced my tortuous descent. It was +very difficult. In some parts I had to cling to the rocks like a +bat. In one place, I dropped from the track down upon the next +returning spire of the stair; which being broad in this +particular portion, and standing out from the wall at right +angles, received me upon my feet safe, though somewhat stupefied +by the shock. After descending a great way, I found the stair +ended at a narrow opening which entered the rock horizontally. +Into this I crept, and, having entered, had just room to turn +round. I put my head out into the shaft by which I had come +down, and surveyed the course of my descent. Looking up, I saw +the stars; although the sun must by this time have been high in +the heavens. Looking below, I saw that the sides of the shaft +went sheer down, smooth as glass; and far beneath me, I saw the +reflection of the same stars I had seen in the heavens when I +looked up. I turned again, and crept inwards some distance, when +the passage widened, and I was at length able to stand and walk +upright. Wider and loftier grew the way; new paths branched off +on every side; great open halls appeared; till at last I found +myself wandering on through an underground country, in which the +sky was of rock, and instead of trees and flowers, there were +only fantastic rocks and stones. And ever as I went, darker grew +my thoughts, till at last I had no hope whatever of finding the +white lady: I no longer called her to myself MY white lady. +Whenever a choice was necessary, I always chose the path which +seemed to lead downwards. + +At length I began to find that these regions were inhabited. +From behind a rock a peal of harsh grating laughter, full of evil +humour, rang through my ears, and, looking round, I saw a queer, +goblin creature, with a great head and ridiculous features, just +such as those described, in German histories and travels, as +Kobolds. "What do you want with me?" I said. He pointed at me +with a long forefinger, very thick at the root, and sharpened to +a point, and answered, "He! he! he! what do YOU want here?" +Then, changing his tone, he continued, with mock +humility--"Honoured sir, vouchsafe to withdraw from thy slaves +the lustre of thy august presence, for thy slaves cannot support +its brightness." A second appeared, and struck in: "You are so +big, you keep the sun from us. We can't see for you, and we're +so cold." Thereupon arose, on all sides, the most terrific +uproar of laughter, from voices like those of children in volume, +but scrannel and harsh as those of decrepit age, though, +unfortunately, without its weakness. The whole pandemonium of +fairy devils, of all varieties of fantastic ugliness, both in +form and feature, and of all sizes from one to four feet, seemed +to have suddenly assembled about me. At length, after a great +babble of talk among themselves, in a language unknown to me, and +after seemingly endless gesticulation, consultation, +elbow-nudging, and unmitigated peals of laughter, they formed +into a circle about one of their number, who scrambled upon a +stone, and, much to my surprise, and somewhat to my dismay, began +to sing, in a voice corresponding in its nature to his talking +one, from beginning to end, the song with which I had brought the +light into the eyes of the white lady. He sang the same air too; +and, all the time, maintained a face of mock entreaty and +worship; accompanying the song with the travestied gestures of +one playing on the lute. The whole assembly kept silence, except +at the close of every verse, when they roared, and danced, and +shouted with laughter, and flung themselves on the ground, in +real or pretended convulsions of delight. When he had finished, +the singer threw himself from the top of the stone, turning heels +over head several times in his descent; and when he did alight, +it was on the top of his head, on which he hopped about, making +the most grotesque gesticulations with his legs in the air. +Inexpressible laughter followed, which broke up in a shower of +tiny stones from innumerable hands. They could not materially +injure me, although they cut me on the head and face. I +attempted to run away, but they all rushed upon me, and, laying +hold of every part that afforded a grasp, held me tight. +Crowding about me like bees, they shouted an insect-swarm of +exasperating speeches up into my face, among which the most +frequently recurring were--"You shan't have her; you shan't have +her; he! he! he! She's for a better man; how he'll kiss her! how +he'll kiss her!" + +The galvanic torrent of this battery of malevolence stung to life +within me a spark of nobleness, and I said aloud, "Well, if he is +a better man, let him have her." + +They instantly let go their hold of me, and fell back a step or +two, with a whole broadside of grunts and humphs, as of +unexpected and disappointed approbation. I made a step or two +forward, and a lane was instantly opened for me through the midst +of the grinning little antics, who bowed most politely to me on +every side as I passed. After I had gone a few yards, I looked +back, and saw them all standing quite still, looking after me, +like a great school of boys; till suddenly one turned round, and +with a loud whoop, rushed into the midst of the others. In an +instant, the whole was one writhing and tumbling heap of +contortion, reminding me of the live pyramids of intertwined +snakes of which travellers make report. As soon as one was +worked out of the mass, he bounded off a few paces, and then, +with a somersault and a run, threw himself gyrating into the air, +and descended with all his weight on the summit of the heaving +and struggling chaos of fantastic figures. I left them still +busy at this fierce and apparently aimless amusement. And as I +went, I sang-- + + If a nobler waits for thee, + I will weep aside; + It is well that thou should'st be, + Of the nobler, bride. + + For if love builds up the home, + Where the heart is free, + Homeless yet the heart must roam, + That has not found thee. + + One must suffer: I, for her + Yield in her my part + Take her, thou art worthier-- + Still I be still, my heart! + + Gift ungotten! largess high + Of a frustrate will! + But to yield it lovingly + Is a something still. + +Then a little song arose of itself in my soul; and I felt for the +moment, while it sank sadly within me, as if I was once more +walking up and down the white hall of Phantasy in the Fairy +Palace. But this lasted no longer than the song; as will be +seen. + + Do not vex thy violet + Perfume to afford: + Else no odour thou wilt get + From its little hoard. + + In thy lady's gracious eyes + Look not thou too long; + Else from them the glory flies, + And thou dost her wrong. + + Come not thou too near the maid, + Clasp her not too wild; + Else the splendour is allayed, + And thy heart beguiled. + +A crash of laughter, more discordant and deriding than any I had +yet heard, invaded my ears. Looking on in the direction of the +sound, I saw a little elderly woman, much taller, however, than +the goblins I had just left, seated upon a stone by the side of +the path. She rose, as I drew near, and came forward to meet me. + +She was very plain and commonplace in appearance, without being +hideously ugly. Looking up in my face with a stupid sneer, she +said: "Isn't it a pity you haven't a pretty girl to walk all +alone with you through this sweet country? How different +everything would look? wouldn't it? + +Strange that one can never have what one would like best! How +the roses would bloom and all that, even in this infernal hole! +wouldn't they, Anodos? Her eyes would light up the old cave, +wouldn't they?" + +"That depends on who the pretty girl should be," replied I. + +"Not so very much matter that," she answered; "look here." + +I had turned to go away as I gave my reply, but now I stopped and +looked at her. As a rough unsightly bud might suddenly blossom +into the most lovely flower; or rather, as a sunbeam bursts +through a shapeless cloud, and transfigures the earth; so burst a +face of resplendent beauty, as it were THROUGH the unsightly +visage of the woman, destroying it with light as it dawned +through it. A summer sky rose above me, gray with heat; across a +shining slumberous landscape, looked from afar the peaks of +snow-capped mountains; and down from a great rock beside me fell +a sheet of water mad with its own delight. + +"Stay with me," she said, lifting up her exquisite face, and +looking full in mine. + +I drew back. Again the infernal laugh grated upon my ears; again +the rocks closed in around me, and the ugly woman looked at me +with wicked, mocking hazel eyes. + +"You shall have your reward," said she. "You shall see your +white lady again." + +"That lies not with you," I replied, and turned and left her. + +She followed me with shriek upon shriek of laughter, as I went on +my way. + +I may mention here, that although there was always light enough +to see my path and a few yards on every side of me, I never could +find out the source of this sad sepulchral illumination. + + + + + CHAPTER XVIII + + "In the wind's uproar, the sea's raging grim, + And the sighs that are born in him." + HEINE. + + + "From dreams of bliss shall men awake + One day, but not to weep: + The dreams remain; they only break + The mirror of the sleep." + JEAN PAUL, Hesperus. + +How I got through this dreary part of my travels, I do not know. +I do not think I was upheld by the hope that any moment the light +might break in upon me; for I scarcely thought about that. I +went on with a dull endurance, varied by moments of +uncontrollable sadness; for more and more the conviction grew +upon me that I should never see the white lady again. It may +seem strange that one with whom I had held so little communion +should have so engrossed my thoughts; but benefits conferred +awaken love in some minds, as surely as benefits received in +others. Besides being delighted and proud that my songs had +called the beautiful creature to life, the same fact caused me to +feel a tenderness unspeakable for her, accompanied with a kind of +feeling of property in her; for so the goblin Selfishness would +reward the angel Love. When to all this is added, an +overpowering sense of her beauty, and an unquestioning conviction +that this was a true index to inward loveliness, it may be +understood how it came to pass that my imagination filled my +whole soul with the play of its own multitudinous colours and +harmonies around the form which yet stood, a gracious marble +radiance, in the midst of ITS white hall of phantasy. The time +passed by unheeded; for my thoughts were busy. Perhaps this was +also in part the cause of my needing no food, and never thinking +how I should find any, during this subterraneous part of my +travels. How long they endured I could not tell, for I had no +means of measuring time; and when I looked back, there was such a +discrepancy between the decisions of my imagination and my +judgment, as to the length of time that had passed, that I was +bewildered, and gave up all attempts to arrive at any conclusion +on the point. + +A gray mist continually gathered behind me. When I looked back +towards the past, this mist was the medium through which my eyes +had to strain for a vision of what had gone by; and the form of +the white lady had receded into an unknown region. At length the +country of rock began to close again around me, gradually and +slowly narrowing, till I found myself walking in a gallery of +rock once more, both sides of which I could touch with my +outstretched hands. It narrowed yet, until I was forced to move +carefully, in order to avoid striking against the projecting +pieces of rock. The roof sank lower and lower, until I was +compelled, first to stoop, and then to creep on my hands and +knees. It recalled terrible dreams of childhood; but I was not +much afraid, because I felt sure that this was my path, and my +only hope of leaving Fairy Land, of which I was now almost weary. + +At length, on getting past an abrupt turn in the passage, through +which I had to force myself, I saw, a few yards ahead of me, the +long- forgotten daylight shining through a small opening, to +which the path, if path it could now be called, led me. With +great difficulty I accomplished these last few yards, and came +forth to the day. I stood on the shore of a wintry sea, with a +wintry sun just a few feet above its horizon-edge. It was bare, +and waste, and gray. Hundreds of hopeless waves rushed +constantly shorewards, falling exhausted upon a beach of great +loose stones, that seemed to stretch miles and miles in both +directions. There was nothing for the eye but mingling shades of +gray; nothing for the ear but the rush of the coming, the roar of +the breaking, and the moan of the retreating wave. No rock +lifted up a sheltering severity above the dreariness around; even +that from which I had myself emerged rose scarcely a foot above +the opening by which I had reached the dismal day, more dismal +even than the tomb I had left. A cold, death-like wind swept +across the shore, seeming to issue from a pale mouth of cloud +upon the horizon. Sign of life was nowhere visible. I wandered +over the stones, up and down the beach, a human imbodiment of the +nature around me. The wind increased; its keen waves flowed +through my soul; the foam rushed higher up the stones; a few dead +stars began to gleam in the east; the sound of the waves grew +louder and yet more despairing. A dark curtain of cloud was +lifted up, and a pale blue rent shone between its foot and the +edge of the sea, out from which rushed an icy storm of frozen +wind, that tore the waters into spray as it passed, and flung the +billows in raving heaps upon the desolate shore. I could bear it +no longer. + +"I will not be tortured to death," I cried; "I will meet it +half-way. The life within me is yet enough to bear me up to the +face of Death, and then I die unconquered." + +Before it had grown so dark, I had observed, though without any +particular interest, that on one part of the shore a low platform +of rock seemed to run out far into the midst of the breaking +waters. + +Towards this I now went, scrambling over smooth stones, to which +scarce even a particle of sea-weed clung; and having found it, I +got on it, and followed its direction, as near as I could guess, +out into the tumbling chaos. I could hardly keep my feet against +the wind and sea. The waves repeatedly all but swept me off my +path; but I kept on my way, till I reached the end of the low +promontory, which, in the fall of the waves, rose a good many +feet above the surface, and, in their rise, was covered with +their waters. I stood one moment and gazed into the heaving +abyss beneath me; then plunged headlong into the mounting wave +below. A blessing, like the kiss of a mother, seemed to alight +on my soul; a calm, deeper than that which accompanies a hope +deferred, bathed my spirit. I sank far into the waters, and +sought not to return. I felt as if once more the great arms of +the beech-tree were around me, soothing me after the miseries I +had passed through, and telling me, like a little sick child, +that I should be better to-morrow. The waters of themselves +lifted me, as with loving arms, to the surface. I breathed +again, but did not unclose my eyes. I would not look on the +wintry sea, and the pitiless gray sky. Thus I floated, till +something gently touched me. It was a little boat floating +beside me. How it came there I could not tell; but it rose and +sank on the waters, and kept touching me in its fall, as if with +a human will to let me know that help was by me. It was a little +gay-coloured boat, seemingly covered with glistering scales like +those of a fish, all of brilliant rainbow hues. I scrambled into +it, and lay down in the bottom, with a sense of exquisite repose. + +Then I drew over me a rich, heavy, purple cloth that was beside +me; and, lying still, knew, by the sound of the waters, that my +little bark was fleeting rapidly onwards. Finding, however, none +of that stormy motion which the sea had manifested when I beheld +it from the shore, I opened my eyes; and, looking first up, saw +above me the deep violet sky of a warm southern night; and then, +lifting my head, saw that I was sailing fast upon a summer sea, +in the last border of a southern twilight. The aureole of the +sun yet shot the extreme faint tips of its longest rays above the +horizon- waves, and withdrew them not. It was a perpetual +twilight. The stars, great and earnest, like children's eyes, +bent down lovingly towards the waters; and the reflected stars +within seemed to float up, as if longing to meet their embraces. +But when I looked down, a new wonder met my view. For, vaguely +revealed beneath the wave, I floated above my whole Past. The +fields of my childhood flitted by; the halls of my youthful +labours; the streets of great cities where I had dwelt; and the +assemblies of men and women wherein I had wearied myself seeking +for rest. But so indistinct were the visions, that sometimes I +thought I was sailing on a shallow sea, and that strange rocks +and forests of sea-plants beguiled my eye, sufficiently to be +transformed, by the magic of the phantasy, into well-known +objects and regions. Yet, at times, a beloved form seemed to lie +close beneath me in sleep; and the eyelids would tremble as if +about to forsake the conscious eye; and the arms would heave +upwards, as if in dreams they sought for a satisfying presence. +But these motions might come only from the heaving of the waters +between those forms and me. Soon I fell asleep, overcome with +fatigue and delight. In dreams of unspeakable joy--of restored +friendships; of revived embraces; of love which said it had never +died; of faces that had vanished long ago, yet said with smiling +lips that they knew nothing of the grave; of pardons implored, +and granted with such bursting floods of love, that I was almost +glad I had sinned--thus I passed through this wondrous twilight. +I awoke with the feeling that I had been kissed and loved to my +heart's content; and found that my boat was floating motionless +by the grassy shore of a little island. + + + + + + CHAPTER XIX + + "In still rest, in changeless simplicity, I bear, uninterrupted, +the consciousness of the whole of Humanity within me." + SCHLEIERMACHERS, Monologen. + + ". . . such a sweetness, such a grace, + In all thy speech appear, + That what to th'eye a beauteous face, + That thy tongue is to the ear." + COWLEY. + +The water was deep to the very edge; and I sprang from the little +boat upon a soft grassy turf. The island seemed rich with a +profusion of all grasses and low flowers. All delicate lowly +things were most plentiful; but no trees rose skywards, not even +a bush overtopped the tall grasses, except in one place near the +cottage I am about to describe, where a few plants of the +gum-cistus, which drops every night all the blossoms that the day +brings forth, formed a kind of natural arbour. The whole island +lay open to the sky and sea. It rose nowhere more than a few +feet above the level of the waters, which flowed deep all around +its border. Here there seemed to be neither tide nor storm. A +sense of persistent calm and fulness arose in the mind at the +sight of the slow, pulse-like rise and fall of the deep, clear, +unrippled waters against the bank of the island, for shore it +could hardly be called, being so much more like the edge of a +full, solemn river. As I walked over the grass towards the +cottage, which stood at a little distance from the bank, all the +flowers of childhood looked at me with perfect child-eyes out of +the grass. My heart, softened by the dreams through which it had +passed, overflowed in a sad, tender love towards them. They +looked to me like children impregnably fortified in a helpless +confidence. The sun stood half- way down the western sky, +shining very soft and golden; and there grew a second world of +shadows amidst the world of grasses and wild flowers. + +The cottage was square, with low walls, and a high pyramidal roof +thatched with long reeds, of which the withered blossoms hung +over all the eaves. It is noticeable that most of the buildings +I saw in Fairy Land were cottages. There was no path to a door, +nor, indeed, was there any track worn by footsteps in the island. + +The cottage rose right out of the smooth turf. It had no windows +that I could see; but there was a door in the centre of the side +facing me, up to which I went. I knocked, and the sweetest voice +I had ever heard said, "Come in." I entered. A bright fire was +burning on a hearth in the centre of the earthern floor, and the +smoke found its way out at an opening in the centre of the +pyramidal roof. Over the fire hung a little pot, and over the +pot bent a woman-face, the most wonderful, I thought, that I had +ever beheld. For it was older than any countenance I had ever +looked upon. There was not a spot in which a wrinkle could lie, +where a wrinkle lay not. And the skin was ancient and brown, +like old parchment. The woman's form was tall and spare: and +when she stood up to welcome me, I saw that she was straight as +an arrow. Could that voice of sweetness have issued from those +lips of age? Mild as they were, could they be the portals whence +flowed such melody? But the moment I saw her eyes, I no longer +wondered at her voice: they were absolutely young--those of a +woman of five-and- twenty, large, and of a clear gray. Wrinkles +had beset them all about; the eyelids themselves were old, and +heavy, and worn; but the eyes were very incarnations of soft +light. She held out her hand to me, and the voice of sweetness +again greeted me, with the single word, "Welcome." She set an +old wooden chair for me, near the fire, and went on with her +cooking. A wondrous sense of refuge and repose came upon me. I +felt like a boy who has got home from school, miles across the +hills, through a heavy storm of wind and snow. Almost, as I +gazed on her, I sprang from my seat to kiss those old lips. And +when, having finished her cooking, she brought some of the dish +she had prepared, and set it on a little table by me, covered +with a snow- white cloth, I could not help laying my head on her +bosom, and bursting into happy tears. She put her arms round me, +saying, "Poor child; poor child!" + +As I continued to weep, she gently disengaged herself, and, +taking a spoon, put some of the food (I did not know what it was) +to my lips, entreating me most endearingly to swallow it. To +please her, I made an effort, and succeeded. She went on feeding +me like a baby, with one arm round me, till I looked up in her +face and smiled: then she gave me the spoon and told me to eat, +for it would do me good. I obeyed her, and found myself +wonderfully refreshed. Then she drew near the fire an +old-fashioned couch that was in the cottage, and making me lie +down upon it, sat at my feet, and began to sing. Amazing store +of old ballads rippled from her lips, over the pebbles of ancient +tunes; and the voice that sang was sweet as the voice of a +tuneful maiden that singeth ever from very fulness of song. The +songs were almost all sad, but with a sound of comfort. One I +can faintly recall. It was something like this: + + Sir Aglovaile through the churchyard rode; + SING, ALL ALONE I LIE: + Little recked he where'er he yode, + ALL ALONE, UP IN THE SKY. + + Swerved his courser, and plunged with fear + ALL ALONE I LIE: + His cry might have wakened the dead men near, + ALL ALONE, UP IN THE SKY. + + The very dead that lay at his feet, + Lapt in the mouldy winding-sheet. + + But he curbed him and spurred him, until he stood + Still in his place, like a horse of wood, + + With nostrils uplift, and eyes wide and wan; + But the sweat in streams from his fetlocks ran. + + A ghost grew out of the shadowy air, + And sat in the midst of her moony hair. + + In her gleamy hair she sat and wept; + In the dreamful moon they lay and slept; + + The shadows above, and the bodies below, + Lay and slept in the moonbeams slow. + + And she sang, like the moan of an autumn wind + Over the stubble left behind: + + Alas, how easily things go wrong +! A sigh too much, or a kiss too long, + And there follows a mist and a weeping rain, + And life is never the same again. + + Alas, how hardly things go right! + 'Tis hard to watch on a summer night, + For the sigh will come and the kiss will stay, + And the summer night is a winter day. + + "Oh, lovely ghosts my heart is woes + To see thee weeping and wailing so. + + Oh, lovely ghost," said the fearless knight, + "Can the sword of a warrior set it right? + + Or prayer of bedesman, praying mild, + As a cup of water a feverish child, + + Sooth thee at last, in dreamless mood + To sleep the sleep a dead lady should? + + Thine eyes they fill me with longing sore, + As if I had known thee for evermore. + + Oh, lovely ghost, I could leave the day + To sit with thee in the moon away + + If thou wouldst trust me, and lay thy head + To rest on a bosom that is not dead." + The lady sprang up with a strange ghost-cry, + And she flung her white ghost-arms on high: + + And she laughed a laugh that was not gay, + And it lengthened out till it died away; + + And the dead beneath turned and moaned, + And the yew-trees above they shuddered and groaned. + + "Will he love me twice with a love that is vain? + Will he kill the poor ghost yet again? + + I thought thou wert good; but I said, and wept: + `Can I have dreamed who have not slept?' + + And I knew, alas! or ever I would, + Whether I dreamed, or thou wert good. + + When my baby died, my brain grew wild. + I awoke, and found I was with my child." + + "If thou art the ghost of my Adelaide, + How is it? Thou wert but a village maid, + + And thou seemest an angel lady white, + Though thin, and wan, and past delight." + + The lady smiled a flickering smile, + And she pressed her temples hard the while. + + "Thou seest that Death for a woman can + Do more than knighthood for a man." + + "But show me the child thou callest mine, + Is she out to-night in the ghost's sunshine?" + + "In St. Peter's Church she is playing on, + At hide-and-seek, with Apostle John. + + When the moonbeams right through the window go, + Where the twelve are standing in glorious show, + + She says the rest of them do not stir, + But one comes down to play with her. + + Then I can go where I list, and weep, + For good St. John my child will keep." + + "Thy beauty filleth the very air, + Never saw I a woman so fair." + + "Come, if thou darest, and sit by my side; + But do not touch me, or woe will betide. + + Alas, I am weak: I might well know + This gladness betokens some further woe. + + Yet come. It will come. I will bear it. I can. + For thou lovest me yet--though but as a man." + + The knight dismounted in earnest speed; + Away through the tombstones thundered the steed, + + And fell by the outer wall, and died. + But the knight he kneeled by the lady's side; + + Kneeled beside her in wondrous bliss, + Rapt in an everlasting kiss: + + Though never his lips come the lady nigh, + And his eyes alone on her beauty lie. + + All the night long, till the cock crew loud, + He kneeled by the lady, lapt in her shroud. + + And what they said, I may not say: + Dead night was sweeter than living day. + + How she made him so blissful glad + Who made her and found her so ghostly sad, + + I may not tell; but it needs no touch + To make them blessed who love so much. + + "Come every night, my ghost, to me; + And one night I will come to thee. + + 'Tis good to have a ghostly wife: + She will not tremble at clang of strife; + + She will only hearken, amid the din, + Behind the door, if he cometh in." + + And this is how Sir Aglovaile + Often walked in the moonlight pale. + + And oft when the crescent but thinned the gloom, + Full orbed moonlight filled his room; + + And through beneath his chamber door, + Fell a ghostly gleam on the outer floor; + + And they that passed, in fear averred + That murmured words they often heard. + + 'Twas then that the eastern crescent shone + Through the chancel window, and good St. John + + Played with the ghost-child all the night, + And the mother was free till the morning light, + + And sped through the dawning night, to stay + With Aglovaile till the break of day. + + And their love was a rapture, lone and high, + And dumb as the moon in the topmost sky. + + One night Sir Aglovaile, weary, slept + And dreamed a dream wherein he wept. + + A warrior he was, not often wept he, + But this night he wept full bitterly. + + He woke--beside him the ghost-girl shone + Out of the dark: 'twas the eve of St. John. + + He had dreamed a dream of a still, dark wood, + Where the maiden of old beside him stood; + + But a mist came down, and caught her away, + And he sought her in vain through the pathless day, + + Till he wept with the grief that can do no more, + And thought he had dreamt the dream before. + + From bursting heart the weeping flowed on; + And lo! beside him the ghost-girl shone; + + Shone like the light on a harbour's breast, + Over the sea of his dream's unrest; + + Shone like the wondrous, nameless boon, + That the heart seeks ever, night or noon: + + Warnings forgotten, when needed most, + He clasped to his bosom the radiant ghost. + + She wailed aloud, and faded, and sank. + With upturn'd white face, cold and blank, + + In his arms lay the corpse of the maiden pale, + And she came no more to Sir Aglovaile. + + Only a voice, when winds were wild, + Sobbed and wailed like a chidden child. + + Alas, how easily things go wrong! + A sigh too much, or a kiss too long, + And there follows a mist and a weeping rain, + And life is never the same again. + +This was one of the simplest of her songs, which, perhaps, is +the cause of my being able to remember it better than most of the +others. While she sung, I was in Elysium, with the sense of a +rich soul upholding, embracing, and overhanging mine, full of all +plenty and bounty. I felt as if she could give me everything I +wanted; as if I should never wish to leave her, but would be +content to be sung to and fed by her, day after day, as years +rolled by. At last I fell asleep while she sang. + +When I awoke, I knew not whether it was night or day. The fire +had sunk to a few red embers, which just gave light enough to +show me the woman standing a few feet from me, with her back +towards me, facing the door by which I had entered. She was +weeping, but very gently and plentifully. The tears seemed to +come freely from her heart. Thus she stood for a few minutes; +then, slowly turning at right angles to her former position, she +faced another of the four sides of the cottage. I now observed, +for the first time, that here was a door likewise; and that, +indeed, there was one in the centre of every side of the cottage. + +When she looked towards the second door, her tears ceased to +flow, but sighs took their place. She often closed her eyes as +she stood; and every time she closed her eyes, a gentle sigh +seemed to be born in her heart, and to escape at her lips. But +when her eyes were open, her sighs were deep and very sad, and +shook her whole frame. Then she turned towards the third door, +and a cry as of fear or suppressed pain broke from her; but she +seemed to hearten herself against the dismay, and to front it +steadily; for, although I often heard a slight cry, and sometimes +a moan, yet she never moved or bent her head, and I felt sure +that her eyes never closed. Then she turned to the fourth door, +and I saw her shudder, and then stand still as a statue; till at +last she turned towards me and approached the fire. I saw that +her face was white as death. But she gave one look upwards, and +smiled the sweetest, most child-innocent smile; then heaped fresh +wood on the fire, and, sitting down by the blaze, drew her wheel +near her, and began to spin. While she spun, she murmured a low +strange song, to which the hum of the wheel made a kind of +infinite symphony. At length she paused in her spinning and +singing, and glanced towards me, like a mother who looks whether +or not her child gives signs of waking. She smiled when she saw +that my eyes were open. I asked her whether it was day yet. She +answered, "It is always day here, so long as I keep my fire +burning." + +I felt wonderfully refreshed; and a great desire to see more of +the island awoke within me. I rose, and saying that I wished to +look about me, went towards the door by which I had entered. + +"Stay a moment," said my hostess, with some trepidation in her +voice. "Listen to me. You will not see what you expect when you +go out of that door. Only remember this: whenever you wish to +come back to me, enter wherever you see this mark." + +She held up her left hand between me and the fire. Upon the +palm, which appeared almost transparent, I saw, in dark red, a +mark like this --> which I took care to fix in my mind. + +She then kissed me, and bade me good-bye with a solemnity that +awed me; and bewildered me too, seeing I was only going out for a +little ramble in an island, which I did not believe larger than +could easily be compassed in a few hours' walk at most. As I +went she resumed her spinning. + +I opened the door, and stepped out. The moment my foot touched +the smooth sward, I seemed to issue from the door of an old barn +on my father's estate, where, in the hot afternoons, I used to go +and lie amongst the straw, and read. It seemed to me now that I +had been asleep there. At a little distance in the field, I saw +two of my brothers at play. The moment they caught sight of me, +they called out to me to come and join them, which I did; and we +played together as we had done years ago, till the red sun went +down in the west, and the gray fog began to rise from the river. +Then we went home together with a strange happiness. As we went, +we heard the continually renewed larum of a landrail in the long +grass. One of my brothers and I separated to a little distance, +and each commenced running towards the part whence the sound +appeared to come, in the hope of approaching the spot where the +bird was, and so getting at least a sight of it, if we should not +be able to capture the little creature. My father's voice +recalled us from trampling down the rich long grass, soon to be +cut down and laid aside for the winter. I had quite forgotten +all about Fairy Land, and the wonderful old woman, and the +curious red mark. + +My favourite brother and I shared the same bed. Some childish +dispute arose between us; and our last words, ere we fell asleep, +were not of kindness, notwithstanding the pleasures of the day. +When I woke in the morning, I missed him. He had risen early, +and had gone to bathe in the river. In another hour, he was +brought home drowned. Alas! alas! if we had only gone to sleep +as usual, the one with his arm about the other! Amidst the +horror of the moment, a strange conviction flashed across my +mind, that I had gone through the very same once before. + +I rushed out of the house, I knew not why, sobbing and crying +bitterly. I ran through the fields in aimless distress, till, +passing the old barn, I caught sight of a red mark on the door. +The merest trifles sometimes rivet the attention in the deepest +misery; the intellect has so little to do with grief. I went up +to look at this mark, which I did not remember ever to have seen +before. As I looked at it, I thought I would go in and lie down +amongst the straw, for I was very weary with running about and +weeping. I opened the door; and there in the cottage sat the old +woman as I had left her, at her spinning-wheel. + +"I did not expect you quite so soon," she said, as I shut the +door behind me. I went up to the couch, and threw myself on it +with that fatigue wherewith one awakes from a feverish dream of +hopeless grief. + +The old woman sang: + + The great sun, benighted, + May faint from the sky; + But love, once uplighted, + Will never more die. + + Form, with its brightness, + From eyes will depart: + It walketh, in whiteness, + The halls of the heart. + +Ere she had ceased singing, my courage had returned. I started +from the couch, and, without taking leave of the old woman, +opened the door of Sighs, and sprang into what should appear. + +I stood in a lordly hall, where, by a blazing fire on the hearth, +sat a lady, waiting, I knew, for some one long desired. A mirror +was near me, but I saw that my form had no place within its +depths, so I feared not that I should be seen. The lady +wonderfully resembled my marble lady, but was altogether of the +daughters of men, and I could not tell whether or not it was she. + +It was not for me she waited. The tramp of a great horse rang +through the court without. It ceased, and the clang of armour +told that his rider alighted, and the sound of his ringing heels +approached the hall. The door opened; but the lady waited, for +she would meet her lord alone. He strode in: she flew like a +home-bound dove into his arms, and nestled on the hard steel. It +was the knight of the soiled armour. But now the armour shone +like polished glass; and strange to tell, though the mirror +reflected not my form, I saw a dim shadow of myself in the +shining steel. + +"O my beloved, thou art come, and I am blessed." + +Her soft fingers speedily overcame the hard clasp of his helmet; +one by one she undid the buckles of his armour; and she toiled +under the weight of the mail, as she WOULD carry it aside. Then +she unclasped his greaves, and unbuckled his spurs; and once more +she sprang into his arms, and laid her head where she could now +feel the beating of his heart. Then she disengaged herself from +his embrace, and, moving back a step or two, gazed at him. He +stood there a mighty form, crowned with a noble head, where all +sadness had disappeared, or had been absorbed in solemn purpose. +Yet I suppose that he looked more thoughtful than the lady had +expected to see him, for she did not renew her caresses, although +his face glowed with love, and the few words he spoke were as +mighty deeds for strength; but she led him towards the hearth, +and seated him in an ancient chair, and set wine before him, and +sat at his feet. + +"I am sad," he said, "when I think of the youth whom I met twice +in the forests of Fairy Land; and who, you say, twice, with his +songs, roused you from the death-sleep of an evil enchantment. +There was something noble in him, but it was a nobleness of +thought, and not of deed. He may yet perish of vile fear." + +"Ah!" returned the lady, "you saved him once, and for that I +thank you; for may I not say that I somewhat loved him? But tell +me how you fared, when you struck your battle-axe into the +ash-tree, and he came and found you; for so much of the story you +had told me, when the beggar-child came and took you away." + +"As soon as I saw him," rejoined the knight, "I knew that earthly +arms availed not against such as he; and that my soul must meet +him in its naked strength. So I unclasped my helm, and flung it +on the ground; and, holding my good axe yet in my hand, gazed at +him with steady eyes. On he came, a horror indeed, but I did not +flinch. Endurance must conquer, where force could not reach. He +came nearer and nearer, till the ghastly face was close to mine. +A shudder as of death ran through me; but I think I did not move, +for he seemed to quail, and retreated. As soon as he gave back, +I struck one more sturdy blow on the stem of his tree, that the +forest rang; and then looked at him again. He writhed and +grinned with rage and apparent pain, and again approached me, but +retreated sooner than before. I heeded him no more, but hewed +with a will at the tree, till the trunk creaked, and the head +bowed, and with a crash it fell to the earth. Then I looked up +from my labour, and lo! the spectre had vanished, and I saw him +no more; nor ever in my wanderings have I heard of him again." + +"Well struck! well withstood! my hero," said the lady. + +"But," said the knight, somewhat troubled, "dost thou love the +youth still?" + +"Ah!" she replied, "how can I help it? He woke me from worse +than death; he loved me. I had never been for thee, if he had +not sought me first. But I love him not as I love thee. He was +but the moon of my night; thou art the sun of my clay, O +beloved." + +"Thou art right," returned the noble man. "It were hard, indeed, +not to have some love in return for such a gift as he hath given +thee. I, too, owe him more than words can speak." + +Humbled before them, with an aching and desolate heart, I yet +could not restrain my words: + +"Let me, then, be the moon of thy night still, O woman! And when +thy day is beclouded, as the fairest days will be, let some song +of mine comfort thee, as an old, withered, half-forgotten thing, +that belongs to an ancient mournful hour of uncompleted birth, +which yet was beautiful in its time." + +They sat silent, and I almost thought they were listening. The +colour of the lady's eyes grew deeper and deeper; the slow tears +grew, and filled them, and overflowed. They rose, and passed, +hand in hand, close to where I stood; and each looked towards me +in passing. Then they disappeared through a door which closed +behind them; but, ere it closed, I saw that the room into which +it opened was a rich chamber, hung with gorgeous arras. I stood +with an ocean of sighs frozen in my bosom. I could remain no +longer. She was near me, and I could not see her; near me in the +arms of one loved better than I, and I would not see her, and I +would not be by her. But how to escape from the nearness of the +best beloved? I had not this time forgotten the mark; for the +fact that I could not enter the sphere of these living beings +kept me aware that, for me, I moved in a vision, while they moved +in life. I looked all about for the mark, but could see it +nowhere; for I avoided looking just where it was. There the dull +red cipher glowed, on the very door of their secret chamber. +Struck with agony, I dashed it open, and fell at the feet of the +ancient woman, who still spun on, the whole dissolved ocean of my +sighs bursting from me in a storm of tearless sobs. Whether I +fainted or slept, I do not know; but, as I returned to +consciousness, before I seemed to have power to move, I heard the +woman singing, and could distinguish the words: + + O light of dead and of dying days! + O Love! in thy glory go, + In a rosy mist and a moony maze, + O'er the pathless peaks of snow. + + But what is left for the cold gray soul, + That moans like a wounded dove? + One wine is left in the broken bowl!-- + 'Tis-- TO LOVE, AND LOVE AND LOVE. + + Now I could weep. When she saw me weeping, she sang: + + Better to sit at the waters' birth, + Than a sea of waves to win; + To live in the love that floweth forth, + Than the love that cometh in. + + Be thy heart a well of love, my child, + Flowing, and free, and sure; + For a cistern of love, though undefiled, + Keeps not the spirit pure. + +I rose from the earth, loving the white lady as I had never loved +her before. + +Then I walked up to the door of Dismay, and opened it, and went +out. And lo! I came forth upon a crowded street, where men and +women went to and fro in multitudes. I knew it well; and, +turning to one hand, walked sadly along the pavement. Suddenly I +saw approaching me, a little way off, a form well known to me +(WELL-KNOWN!--alas, how weak the word!) in the years when I +thought my boyhood was left behind, and shortly before I entered +the realm of Fairy Land. Wrong and Sorrow had gone together, +hand-in-hand as it is well they do. + +Unchangeably dear was that face. It lay in my heart as a child +lies in its own white bed; but I could not meet her. + +"Anything but that," I said, and, turning aside, sprang up the +steps to a door, on which I fancied I saw the mystic sign. I +entered--not the mysterious cottage, but her home. I rushed +wildly on, and stood by the door of her room. + +"She is out," I said, "I will see the old room once more." + +I opened the door gently, and stood in a great solemn church. A +deep- toned bell, whose sounds throbbed and echoed and swam +through the empty building, struck the hour of midnight. The +moon shone through the windows of the clerestory, and enough of +the ghostly radiance was diffused through the church to let me +see, walking with a stately, yet somewhat trailing and stumbling +step, down the opposite aisle, for I stood in one of the +transepts, a figure dressed in a white robe, whether for the +night, or for that longer night which lies too deep for the day, +I could not tell. Was it she? and was this her chamber? I +crossed the church, and followed. The figure stopped, seemed to +ascend as it were a high bed, and lay down. I reached the place +where it lay, glimmering white. The bed was a tomb. The light +was too ghostly to see clearly, but I passed my hand over the +face and the hands and the feet, which were all bare. They were +cold--they were marble, but I knew them. It grew dark. I turned +to retrace my steps, but found, ere long, that I had wandered +into what seemed a little chapel. I groped about, seeking the +door. Everything I touched belonged to the dead. My hands fell +on the cold effigy of a knight who lay with his legs crossed and +his sword broken beside him. He lay in his noble rest, and I +lived on in ignoble strife. I felt for the left hand and a +certain finger; I found there the ring I knew: he was one of my +own ancestors. I was in the chapel over the burial-vault of my +race. I called aloud: "If any of the dead are moving here, let +them take pity upon me, for I, alas! am still alive; and let some +dead woman comfort me, for I am a stranger in the land of the +dead, and see no light." A warm kiss alighted on my lips through +the dark. And I said, "The dead kiss well; I will not be +afraid." And a great hand was reached out of the dark, and +grasped mine for a moment, mightily and tenderly. I said to +myself: "The veil between, though very dark, is very thin." + +Groping my way further, I stumbled over the heavy stone that +covered the entrance of the vault: and, in stumbling, descried +upon the stone the mark, glowing in red fire. I caught the great +ring. All my effort could not have moved the huge slab; but it +opened the door of the cottage, and I threw myself once more, +pale and speechless, on the couch beside the ancient dame. She +sang once more: + + Thou dreamest: on a rock thou art, + High o'er the broken wave; + Thou fallest with a fearful start + But not into thy grave; + For, waking in the morning's light, + Thou smilest at the vanished night + + So wilt thou sink, all pale and dumb, + Into the fainting gloom; + But ere the coming terrors come, + Thou wak'st--where is the tomb? + Thou wak'st--the dead ones smile above, + With hovering arms of sleepless love. + + She paused; then sang again: + + We weep for gladness, weep for grief; + The tears they are the same; + We sigh for longing, and relief; + The sighs have but one name, + + And mingled in the dying strife, + Are moans that are not sad + The pangs of death are throbs of life, + Its sighs are sometimes glad. + + The face is very strange and white: + It is Earth's only spot + That feebly flickers back the light + The living seeth not. + + I fell asleep, and slept a dreamless sleep, for I know not how +long. When I awoke, I found that my hostess had moved from where +she had been sitting, and now sat between me and the fourth door. + +I guessed that her design was to prevent my entering there. I +sprang from the couch, and darted past her to the door. I opened +it at once and went out. All I remember is a cry of distress +from the woman: "Don't go there, my child! Don't go there!" +But I was gone. + +I knew nothing more; or, if I did, I had forgot it all when I +awoke to consciousness, lying on the floor of the cottage, with +my head in the lap of the woman, who was weeping over me, and +stroking my hair with both hands, talking to me as a mother might +talk to a sick and sleeping, or a dead child. As soon as I +looked up and saw her, she smiled through her tears; smiled with +withered face and young eyes, till her countenance was irradiated +with the light of the smile. Then she bathed my head and face +and hands in an icy cold, colourless liquid, which smelt a little +of damp earth. Immediately I was able to sit up. She rose and +put some food before me. When I had eaten, she said: +"Listen to me, my child. You must leave me directly!" + +"Leave you!" I said. "I am so happy with you. I never was so +happy in my life." + +"But you must go," she rejoined sadly. "Listen! What do you +hear?" + +"I hear the sound as of a great throbbing of water." + +"Ah! you do hear it? Well, I had to go through that door--the +door of the Timeless" (and she shuddered as she pointed to the +fourth door)-- "to find you; for if I had not gone, you would +never have entered again; and because I went, the waters around +my cottage will rise and rise, and flow and come, till they build +a great firmament of waters over my dwelling. But as long as I +keep my fire burning, they cannot enter. I have fuel enough for +years; and after one year they will sink away again, and be just +as they were before you came. I have not been buried for a +hundred years now." And she smiled and wept. + +"Alas! alas!" I cried. "I have brought this evil on the best and +kindest of friends, who has filled my heart with great gifts." + +"Do not think of that," she rejoined. "I can bear it very well. +You will come back to me some day, I know. But I beg you, for my +sake, my dear child, to do one thing. In whatever sorrow you may +be, however inconsolable and irremediable it may appear, believe +me that the old woman in the cottage, with the young eyes" (and +she smiled), "knows something, though she must not always tell +it, that would quite satisfy you about it, even in the worst +moments of your distress. + +Now you must go." + +"But how can I go, if the waters are all about, and if the doors +all lead into other regions and other worlds?" + +"This is not an island," she replied; "but is joined to the land +by a narrow neck; and for the door, I will lead you myself +through the right one." + +She took my hand, and led me through the third door; whereupon I +found myself standing in the deep grassy turf on which I had +landed from the little boat, but upon the opposite side of the +cottage. She pointed out the direction I must take, to find the +isthmus and escape the rising waters. + +Then putting her arms around me, she held me to her bosom; and as +I kissed her, I felt as if I were leaving my mother for the first +time, and could not help weeping bitterly. At length she gently +pushed me away, and with the words, "Go, my son, and do something +worth doing," turned back, and, entering the cottage, closed the +door behind her. +I felt very desolate as I went. + + + + + + CHAPTER XX + + "Thou hadst no fame; that which thou didst like good + Was but thy appetite that swayed thy blood + For that time to the best; for as a blast + That through a house comes, usually doth cast + Things out of order, yet by chance may come + And blow some one thing to his proper room, + So did thy appetite, and not thy zeal, + Sway thee by chance to do some one thing well." + FLETCHER'S Faithful Shepherdess. + + "The noble hart that harbours vertuous thought + And is with childe of glorious great intent, + Can never rest, until it forth have brought + Th' eternall brood of glorie excellent." + SPENSER, The Faerie Queene. + +I had not gone very far before I felt that the turf beneath my +feet was soaked with the rising waters. But I reached the +isthmus in safety. It was rocky, and so much higher than the +level of the peninsula, that I had plenty of time to cross. I +saw on each side of me the water rising rapidly, altogether +without wind, or violent motion, or broken waves, but as if a +slow strong fire were glowing beneath it. Ascending a steep +acclivity, I found myself at last in an open, rocky country. +After travelling for some hours, as nearly in a straight line as +I could, I arrived at a lonely tower, built on the top of a +little hill, which overlooked the whole neighbouring country. As +I approached, I heard the clang of an anvil; and so rapid were +the blows, that I despaired of making myself heard till a pause +in the work should ensue. It was some minutes before a cessation +took place; but when it did, I knocked loudly, and had not long +to wait; for, a moment after, the door was partly opened by a +noble-looking youth, half-undressed, glowing with heat, and +begrimed with the blackness of the forge. In one hand he held a +sword, so lately from the furnace that it yet shone with a dull +fire. As soon as he saw me, he threw the door wide open, and +standing aside, invited me very cordially to enter. I did so; +when he shut and bolted the door most carefully, and then led the +way inwards. He brought me into a rude hall, which seemed to +occupy almost the whole of the ground floor of the little tower, +and which I saw was now being used as a workshop. A huge fire +roared on the hearth, beside which was an anvil. By the anvil +stood, in similar undress, and in a waiting attitude, hammer in +hand, a second youth, tall as the former, but far more slightly +built. Reversing the usual course of perception in such +meetings, I thought them, at first sight, very unlike; and at the +second glance, knew that they were brothers. The former, and +apparently the elder, was muscular and dark, with curling hair, +and large hazel eyes, which sometimes grew wondrously soft. The +second was slender and fair, yet with a countenance like an +eagle, and an eye which, though pale blue, shone with an almost +fierce expression. He stood erect, as if looking from a lofty +mountain crag, over a vast plain outstretched below. As soon as +we entered the hall, the elder turned to me, and I saw that a +glow of satisfaction shone on both their faces. To my surprise +and great pleasure, he addressed me thus: + +"Brother, will you sit by the fire and rest, till we finish this +part of our work?" + +I signified my assent; and, resolved to await any disclosure they +might be inclined to make, seated myself in silence near the +hearth. + +The elder brother then laid the sword in the fire, covered it +well over, and when it had attained a sufficient degree of heat, +drew it out and laid it on the anvil, moving it carefully about, +while the younger, with a succession of quick smart blows, +appeared either to be welding it, or hammering one part of it to +a consenting shape with the rest. Having finished, they laid it +carefully in the fire; and, when it was very hot indeed, plunged +it into a vessel full of some liquid, whence a blue flame sprang +upwards, as the glowing steel entered. + +There they left it; and drawing two stools to the fire, sat down, +one on each side of me. + +"We are very glad to see you, brother. We have been expecting +you for some days," said the dark-haired youth. + +"I am proud to be called your brother," I rejoined; "and you will +not think I refuse the name, if I desire to know why you honour +me with it?" + +"Ah! then he does not know about it," said the younger. "We +thought you had known of the bond betwixt us, and the work we +have to do together. You must tell him, brother, from the +first." + +So the elder began: + +"Our father is king of this country. Before we were born, three +giant brothers had appeared in the land. No one knew exactly +when, and no one had the least idea whence they came. They took +possession of a ruined castle that had stood unchanged and +unoccupied within the memory of any of the country people. The +vaults of this castle had remained uninjured by time, and these, +I presume, they made use of at first. They were rarely seen, and +never offered the least injury to any one; so that they were +regarded in the neighbourhood as at least perfectly harmless, if +not rather benevolent beings. But it began to be observed, that +the old castle had assumed somehow or other, no one knew when or +how, a somewhat different look from what it used to have. Not +only were several breaches in the lower part of the walls built +up, but actually some of the battlements which yet stood, had +been repaired, apparently to prevent them from falling into worse +decay, while the more important parts were being restored. Of +course, every one supposed the giants must have a hand in the +work, but no one ever saw them engaged in it. The peasants +became yet more uneasy, after one, who had concealed himself, and +watched all night, in the neighbourhood of the castle, reported +that he had seen, in full moonlight, the three huge giants +working with might and main, all night long, restoring to their +former position some massive stones, formerly steps of a grand +turnpike stair, a great portion of which had long since fallen, +along with part of the wall of the round tower in which it had +been built. This wall they were completing, foot by foot, along +with the stair. But the people said they had no just pretext for +interfering: although the real reason for letting the giants +alone was, that everybody was far too much afraid of them to +interrupt them. + +"At length, with the help of a neighbouring quarry, the whole of +the external wall of the castle was finished. And now the +country folks were in greater fear than before. But for several +years the giants remained very peaceful. The reason of this was +afterwards supposed to be the fact, that they were distantly +related to several good people in the country; for, as long as +these lived, they remained quiet; but as soon as they were all +dead the real nature of the giants broke out. Having completed +the outside of their castle, they proceeded, by spoiling the +country houses around them, to make a quiet luxurious provision +for their comfort within. Affairs reached such a pass, that the +news of their robberies came to my father's ears; but he, alas! +was so crippled in his resources, by a war he was carrying on +with a neighbouring prince, that he could only spare a very few +men, to attempt the capture of their stronghold. Upon these the +giants issued in the night, and slew every man of them. And now, +grown bolder by success and impunity, they no longer confined +their depredations to property, but began to seize the persons of +their distinguished neighbours, knights and ladies, and hold them +in durance, the misery of which was heightened by all manner of +indignity, until they were redeemed by their friends, at an +exorbitant ransom. Many knights have adventured their overthrow, +but to their own instead; for they have all been slain, or +captured, or forced to make a hasty retreat. To crown their +enormities, if any man now attempts their destruction, they, +immediately upon his defeat, put one or more of their captives to +a shameful death, on a turret in sight of all passers-by; so that +they have been much less molested of late; and we, although we +have burned, for years, to attack these demons and destroy them, +dared not, for the sake of their captives, risk the adventure, +before we should have reached at least our earliest manhood. +Now, however, we are preparing for the attempt; and the grounds +of this preparation are these. Having only the resolution, and +not the experience necessary for the undertaking, we went and +consulted a lonely woman of wisdom, who lives not very far from +here, in the direction of the quarter from which you have come. +She received us most kindly, and gave us what seems to us the +best of advice. She first inquired what experience we had had in +arms. We told her we had been well exercised from our boyhood, +and for some years had kept ourselves in constant practice, with +a view to this necessity. + +"`But you have not actually fought for life and death?' said she. + +"We were forced to confess we had not. + +"`So much the better in some respects,' she replied. `Now listen +to me. Go first and work with an armourer, for as long time as +you find needful to obtain a knowledge of his craft; which will +not be long, seeing your hearts will be all in the work. Then go +to some lonely tower, you two alone. Receive no visits from man +or woman. There forge for yourselves every piece of armour that +you wish to wear, or to use, in your coming encounter. And keep +up your exercises. + +As, however, two of you can be no match for the three giants, I +will find you, if I can, a third brother, who will take on +himself the third share of the fight, and the preparation. +Indeed, I have already seen one who will, I think, be the very +man for your fellowship, but it will be some time before he comes +to me. He is wandering now without an aim. I will show him to +you in a glass, and, when he comes, you will know him at once. +If he will share your endeavours, you must teach him all you +know, and he will repay you well, in present song, and in future +deeds.' + +"She opened the door of a curious old cabinet that stood in the +room. On the inside of this door was an oval convex mirror. +Looking in it for some time, we at length saw reflected the place +where we stood, and the old dame seated in her chair. Our forms +were not reflected. But at the feet of the dame lay a young man, +yourself, weeping. + +"`Surely this youth will not serve our ends,' said I, `for he +weeps.' + +"The old woman smiled. `Past tears are present strength,' said +she. + +"`Oh!' said my brother, `I saw you weep once over an eagle you +shot.' + +"`That was because it was so like you, brother,' I replied; `but +indeed, this youth may have better cause for tears than that--I +was wrong.' + +"`Wait a while,' said the woman; `if I mistake not, he will make +you weep till your tears are dry for ever. Tears are the only +cure for weeping. And you may have need of the cure, before you +go forth to fight the giants. You must wait for him, in your +tower, till he comes.' + +"Now if you will join us, we will soon teach you to make your +armour; and we will fight together, and work together, and love +each other as never three loved before. And you will sing to us, +will you not?" + +"That I will, when I can," I answered; "but it is only at times +that the power of song comes upon me. For that I must wait; but +I have a feeling that if I work well, song will not be far off to +enliven the labour." + +This was all the compact made: the brothers required nothing +more, and I did not think of giving anything more. I rose, and +threw off my upper garments. + +"I know the uses of the sword," I said. "I am ashamed of my +white hands beside yours so nobly soiled and hard; but that shame +will soon be wiped away." + +"No, no; we will not work to-day. Rest is as needful as toil. +Bring the wine, brother; it is your turn to serve to-day." + +The younger brother soon covered a table with rough viands, but +good wine; and we ate and drank heartily, beside our work. +Before the meal was over, I had learned all their story. Each +had something in his heart which made the conviction, that he +would victoriously perish in the coming conflict, a real sorrow +to him. Otherwise they thought they would have lived enough. +The causes of their trouble were respectively these: + +While they wrought with an armourer, in a city famed for +workmanship in steel and silver, the elder had fallen in love +with a lady as far beneath him in real rank, as she was above the +station he had as apprentice to an armourer. Nor did he seek to +further his suit by discovering himself; but there was simply so +much manhood about him, that no one ever thought of rank when in +his company. This is what his brother said about it. The lady +could not help loving him in return. He told her when he left +her, that he had a perilous adventure before him, and that when +it was achieved, she would either see him return to claim her, or +hear that he had died with honour. The younger brother's grief +arose from the fact, that, if they were both slain, his old +father, the king, would be childless. His love for his father +was so exceeding, that to one unable to sympathise with it, it +would have appeared extravagant. Both loved him equally at +heart; but the love of the younger had been more developed, +because his thoughts and anxieties had not been otherwise +occupied. When at home, he had been his constant companion; and, +of late, had ministered to the infirmities of his growing age. +The youth was never weary of listening to the tales of his sire's +youthful adventures; and had not yet in the smallest degree lost +the conviction, that his father was the greatest man in the +world. The grandest triumph possible to his conception was, to +return to his father, laden with the spoils of one of the hated +giants. But they both were in some dread, lest the thought of +the loneliness of these two might occur to them, in the moment +when decision was most necessary, and disturb, in some degree, +the self-possession requisite for the success of their attempt. +For, as I have said, they were yet untried in actual conflict. +"Now," thought I, "I see to what the powers of my gift must +minister." For my own part, I did not dread death, for I had +nothing to care to live for; but I dreaded the encounter because +of the responsibility connected with it. I resolved however to +work hard, and thus grow cool, and quick, and forceful. + +The time passed away in work and song, in talk and ramble, in +friendly fight and brotherly aid. I would not forge for myself +armour of heavy mail like theirs, for I was not so powerful as +they, and depended more for any success I might secure, upon +nimbleness of motion, certainty of eye, and ready response of +hand. Therefore I began to make for myself a shirt of steel +plates and rings; which work, while more troublesome, was better +suited to me than the heavier labour. Much assistance did the +brothers give me, even after, by their instructions, I was able +to make some progress alone. Their work was in a moment +abandoned, to render any required aid to mine. As the old woman +had promised, I tried to repay them with song; and many were the +tears they both shed over my ballads and dirges. The songs they +liked best to hear were two which I made for them. They were not +half so good as many others I knew, especially some I had learned +from the wise woman in the cottage; but what comes nearest to our +needs we like the best. + +I The king sat on his throne + Glowing in gold and red; + The crown in his right hand shone, + And the gray hairs crowned his head. + + His only son walks in, + And in walls of steel he stands: + Make me, O father, strong to win, + With the blessing of holy hands." + + He knelt before his sire, + Who blessed him with feeble smile + His eyes shone out with a kingly fire, + But his old lips quivered the while. + + "Go to the fight, my son, + Bring back the giant's head; + And the crown with which my brows have done, + Shall glitter on thine instead." + + "My father, I seek no crowns, + But unspoken praise from thee; + For thy people's good, and thy renown, + I will die to set them free." + + The king sat down and waited there, + And rose not, night nor day; + Till a sound of shouting filled the air, + And cries of a sore dismay. + + Then like a king he sat once more, + With the crown upon his head; + And up to the throne the people bore + A mighty giant dead. + + And up to the throne the people bore + A pale and lifeless boy. + The king rose up like a prophet of yore, + In a lofty, deathlike joy. + + He put the crown on the chilly brow: + "Thou should'st have reigned with me + But Death is the king of both, and now + I go to obey with thee. + + "Surely some good in me there lay, + To beget the noble one." + The old man smiled like a winter day, + And fell beside his son. + +II "O lady, thy lover is dead," they cried; + "He is dead, but hath slain the foe; + He hath left his name to be magnified + In a song of wonder and woe." + + "Alas! I am well repaid," said she, + "With a pain that stings like joy: + For I feared, from his tenderness to me, + That he was but a feeble boy. + + "Now I shall hold my head on high, + The queen among my kind; + If ye hear a sound, 'tis only a sigh + For a glory left behind." + +The first three times I sang these songs they both wept +passionately. But after the third time, they wept no more. +Their eyes shone, and their faces grew pale, but they never wept +at any of my songs again. + + + + + + CHAPTER XXI + + "I put my life in my hands."--The Book of Judges. + +At length, with much toil and equal delight, our armour was +finished. We armed each other, and tested the strength of the +defence, with many blows of loving force. I was inferior in +strength to both my brothers, but a little more agile than +either; and upon this agility, joined to precision in hitting +with the point of my weapon, I grounded my hopes of success in +the ensuing combat. I likewise laboured to develop yet more the +keenness of sight with which I was naturally gifted; and, from +the remarks of my companions, I soon learned that my endeavours +were not in vain. + +The morning arrived on which we had determined to make the +attempt, and succeed or perish--perhaps both. We had resolved to +fight on foot; knowing that the mishap of many of the knights who +had made the attempt, had resulted from the fright of their +horses at the appearance of the giants; and believing with Sir +Gawain, that, though mare's sons might be false to us, the earth +would never prove a traitor. But most of our preparations were, +in their immediate aim at least, frustrated. + +We rose, that fatal morning, by daybreak. We had rested from all +labour the day before, and now were fresh as the lark. We bathed +in cold spring water, and dressed ourselves in clean garments, +with a sense of preparation, as for a solemn festivity. When we +had broken our fast, I took an old lyre, which I had found in the +tower and had myself repaired, and sung for the last time the two +ballads of which I have said so much already. I followed them +with this, for a closing song: + + Oh, well for him who breaks his dream + With the blow that ends the strife + And, waking, knows the peace that flows + Around the pain of life! + + We are dead, my brothers! Our bodies clasp, + As an armour, our souls about; + This hand is the battle-axe I grasp, + And this my hammer stout. + + Fear not, my brothers, for we are dead; + No noise can break our rest; + The calm of the grave is about the head, + And the heart heaves not the breast. + + And our life we throw to our people back, + To live with, a further store; + We leave it them, that there be no lack + In the land where we live no more. + + Oh, well for him who breaks his dream + With the blow that ends the strife + And, waking, knows the peace that flows + Around the noise of life! + + As the last few tones of the instrument were following, like a +dirge, the death of the song, we all sprang to our feet. For, +through one of the little windows of the tower, towards which I +had looked as I sang, I saw, suddenly rising over the edge of the +slope on which our tower stood, three enormous heads. The +brothers knew at once, by my looks, what caused my sudden +movement. We were utterly unarmed, and there was no time to arm. + +But we seemed to adopt the same resolution simultaneously; for +each caught up his favourite weapon, and, leaving his defence +behind, sprang to the door. I snatched up a long rapier, +abruptly, but very finely pointed, in my sword-hand, and in the +other a sabre; the elder brother seized his heavy battle-axe; and +the younger, a great, two-handed sword, which he wielded in one +hand like a feather. We had just time to get clear of the tower, +embrace and say good-bye, and part to some little distance, that +we might not encumber each other's motions, ere the triple +giant-brotherhood drew near to attack us. They were about twice +our height, and armed to the teeth. Through the visors of their +helmets their monstrous eyes shone with a horrible ferocity. I +was in the middle position, and the middle giant approached me. +My eyes were busy with his armour, and I was not a moment in +settling my mode of attack. I saw that his body- armour was +somewhat clumsily made, and that the overlappings in the lower +part had more play than necessary; and I hoped that, in a +fortunate moment, some joint would open a little, in a visible +and accessible part. I stood till he came near enough to aim a +blow at me with the mace, which has been, in all ages, the +favourite weapon of giants, when, of course, I leaped aside, and +let the blow fall upon the spot where I had been standing. I +expected this would strain the joints of his armour yet more. +Full of fury, he made at me again; but I kept him busy, +constantly eluding his blows, and hoping thus to fatigue him. He +did not seem to fear any assault from me, and I attempted none as +yet; but while I watched his motions in order to avoid his blows, +I, at the same time, kept equal watch upon those joints of his +armour, through some one of which I hoped to reach his life. At +length, as if somewhat fatigued, he paused a moment, and drew +himself slightly up; I bounded forward, foot and hand, ran my +rapier right through to the armour of his back, let go the hilt, +and passing under his right arm, turned as he fell, and flew at +him with my sabre. At one happy blow I divided the band of his +helmet, which fell off, and allowed me, with a second cut across +the eyes, to blind him quite; after which I clove his head, and +turned, uninjured, to see how my brothers had fared. Both the +giants were down, but so were my brothers. I flew first to the +one and then to the other couple. Both pairs of combatants were +dead, and yet locked together, as in the death-struggle. The +elder had buried his battle-axe in the body of his foe, and had +fallen beneath him as he fell. The giant had strangled him in +his own death-agonies. The younger had nearly hewn off the left +leg of his enemy; and, grappled with in the act, had, while they +rolled together on the earth, found for his dagger a passage +betwixt the gorget and cuirass of the giant, and stabbed him +mortally in the throat. The blood from the giant's throat was +yet pouring over the hand of his foe, which still grasped the +hilt of the dagger sheathed in the wound. They lay silent. I, +the least worthy, remained the sole survivor in the lists. + +As I stood exhausted amidst the dead, after the first worthy deed +of my life, I suddenly looked behind me, and there lay the +Shadow, black in the sunshine. I went into the lonely tower, and +there lay the useless armour of the noble youths--supine as they. + +Ah, how sad it looked! It was a glorious death, but it was +death. My songs could not comfort me now. I was almost ashamed +that I was alive, when they, the true-hearted, were no more. And +yet I breathed freer to think that I had gone through the trial, +and had not failed. And perhaps I may be forgiven, if some +feelings of pride arose in my bosom, when I looked down on the +mighty form that lay dead by my hand. + +"After all, however," I said to myself, and my heart sank, "it +was only skill. Your giant was but a blunderer." + +I left the bodies of friends and foes, peaceful enough when the +death- fight was over, and, hastening to the country below, +roused the peasants. They came with shouting and gladness, +bringing waggons to carry the bodies. I resolved to take the +princes home to their father, each as he lay, in the arms of his +country's foe. But first I searched the giants, and found the +keys of their castle, to which I repaired, followed by a great +company of the people. It was a place of wonderful strength. I +released the prisoners, knights and ladies, all in a sad +condition, from the cruelties and neglects of the giants. It +humbled me to see them crowding round me with thanks, when in +truth the glorious brothers, lying dead by their lonely tower, +were those to whom the thanks belonged. I had but aided in +carrying out the thought born in their brain, and uttered in +visible form before ever I laid hold thereupon. Yet I did count +myself happy to have been chosen for their brother in this great +dead. + +After a few hours spent in refreshing and clothing the prisoners, +we all commenced our journey towards the capital. This was slow +at first; but, as the strength and spirits of the prisoners +returned, it became more rapid; and in three days we reached the +palace of the king. As we entered the city gates, with the huge +bulks lying each on a waggon drawn by horses, and two of them +inextricably intertwined with the dead bodies of their princes, +the people raised a shout and then a cry, and followed in +multitudes the solemn procession. + +I will not attempt to describe the behaviour of the grand old +king. Joy and pride in his sons overcame his sorrow at their +loss. On me he heaped every kindness that heart could devise or +hand execute. He used to sit and question me, night after night, +about everything that was in any way connected with them and +their preparations. Our mode of life, and relation to each +other, during the time we spent together, was a constant theme. +He entered into the minutest details of the construction of the +armour, even to a peculiar mode of riveting some of the plates, +with unwearying interest. This armour I had intended to beg of +the king, as my sole memorials of the contest; but, when I saw +the delight he took in contemplating it, and the consolation it +appeared to afford him in his sorrow, I could not ask for it; +but, at his request, left my own, weapons and all, to be joined +with theirs in a trophy, erected in the grand square of the +palace. The king, with gorgeous ceremony, dubbed me knight with +his own old hand, in which trembled the sword of his youth. + +During the short time I remained, my company was, naturally, much +courted by the young nobles. I was in a constant round of gaiety +and diversion, notwithstanding that the court was in mourning. +For the country was so rejoiced at the death of the giants, and +so many of their lost friends had been restored to the nobility +and men of wealth, that the gladness surpassed the grief. "Ye +have indeed left your lives to your people, my great brothers!" I +said. + +But I was ever and ever haunted by the old shadow, which I had +not seen all the time that I was at work in the tower. Even in +the society of the ladies of the court, who seemed to think it +only their duty to make my stay there as pleasant to me as +possible, I could not help being conscious of its presence, +although it might not be annoying me at the time. At length, +somewhat weary of uninterrupted pleasure, and nowise strengthened +thereby, either in body or mind, I put on a splendid suit of +armour of steel inlaid with silver, which the old king had given +me, and, mounting the horse on which it had been brought to me, +took my leave of the palace, to visit the distant city in which +the lady dwelt, whom the elder prince had loved. I anticipated a +sore task, in conveying to her the news of his glorious fate: but +this trial was spared me, in a manner as strange as anything that +had happened to me in Fairy Land. + + + + + + CHAPTER XXII + + "No one has my form but the I." + Schoppe, in JEAN PAUL'S Titan. + + "Joy's a subtil elf. + I think man's happiest when he forgets himself." + CYRIL TOURNEUR, The Revenger's Tragedy. +On the third day of my journey, I was riding gently along a road, +apparently little frequented, to judge from the grass that grew +upon it. I was approaching a forest. Everywhere in Fairy Land +forests are the places where one may most certainly expect +adventures. As I drew near, a youth, unarmed, gentle, and +beautiful, who had just cut a branch from a yew growing on the +skirts of the wood, evidently to make himself a bow, met me, and +thus accosted me: + +"Sir knight, be careful as thou ridest through this forest; for +it is said to be strangely enchanted, in a sort which even those +who have been witnesses of its enchantment can hardly describe." + +I thanked him for his advice, which I promised to follow, and +rode on. But the moment I entered the wood, it seemed to me +that, if enchantment there was, it must be of a good kind; for +the Shadow, which had been more than usually dark and +distressing, since I had set out on this journey, suddenly +disappeared. I felt a wonderful elevation of spirits, and began +to reflect on my past life, and especially on my combat with the +giants, with such satisfaction, that I had actually to remind +myself, that I had only killed one of them; and that, but for the +brothers, I should never have had the idea of attacking them, not +to mention the smallest power of standing to it. Still I +rejoiced, and counted myself amongst the glorious knights of old; +having even the unspeakable presumption--my shame and self- +condemnation at the memory of it are such, that I write it as the +only and sorest penance I can perform--to think of myself (will +the world believe it?) as side by side with Sir Galahad! +Scarcely had the thought been born in my mind, when, approaching +me from the left, through the trees, I espied a resplendent +knight, of mighty size, whose armour seemed to shine of itself, +without the sun. When he drew near, I was astonished to see that +this armour was like my own; nay, I could trace, line for line, +the correspondence of the inlaid silver to the device on my own. +His horse, too, was like mine in colour, form, and motion; save +that, like his rider, he was greater and fiercer than his +counterpart. The knight rode with beaver up. As he halted right +opposite to me in the narrow path, barring my way, I saw the +reflection of my countenance in the centre plate of shining steel +on his breastplate. Above it rose the same face--his face--only, +as I have said, larger and fiercer. I was bewildered. I could +not help feeling some admiration of him, but it was mingled with +a dim conviction that he was evil, and that I ought to fight with +him. + +"Let me pass," I said. + +"When I will," he replied. + +Something within me said: "Spear in rest, and ride at him! else +thou art for ever a slave." + +I tried, but my arm trembled so much, that I could not couch my +lance. To tell the truth, I, who had overcome the giant, shook +like a coward before this knight. He gave a scornful laugh, that +echoed through the wood, turned his horse, and said, without +looking round, "Follow me." + +I obeyed, abashed and stupefied. How long he led, and how long I +followed, I cannot tell. "I never knew misery before," I said to +myself. "Would that I had at least struck him, and had had my +death- blow in return! Why, then, do I not call to him to wheel +and defend himself? Alas! I know not why, but I cannot. One +look from him would cow me like a beaten hound." I followed, and +was silent. + +At length we came to a dreary square tower, in the middle of a +dense forest. It looked as if scarce a tree had been cut down to +make room for it. Across the very door, diagonally, grew the +stem of a tree, so large that there was just room to squeeze past +it in order to enter. One miserable square hole in the roof was +the only visible suggestion of a window. Turret or battlement, +or projecting masonry of any kind, it had none. Clear and smooth +and massy, it rose from its base, and ended with a line straight +and unbroken. The roof, carried to a centre from each of the +four walls, rose slightly to the point where the rafters met. +Round the base lay several little heaps of either bits of broken +branches, withered and peeled, or half- whitened bones; I could +not distinguish which. As I approached, the ground sounded +hollow beneath my horse's hoofs. The knight took a great key +from his pocket, and reaching past the stem of the tree, with +some difficulty opened the door. "Dismount," he commanded. I +obeyed. He turned my horse's head away from the tower, gave him +a terrible blow with the flat side of his sword, and sent him +madly tearing through the forest. + +"Now," said he, "enter, and take your companion with you." + +I looked round: knight and horse had vanished, and behind me lay +the horrible shadow. I entered, for I could not help myself; and +the shadow followed me. I had a terrible conviction that the +knight and he were one. The door closed behind me. + +Now I was indeed in pitiful plight. There was literally nothing +in the tower but my shadow and me. The walls rose right up to +the roof; in which, as I had seen from without, there was one +little square opening. This I now knew to be the only window the +tower possessed. I sat down on the floor, in listless +wretchedness. I think I must have fallen asleep, and have slept +for hours; for I suddenly became aware of existence, in observing +that the moon was shining through the hole in the roof. As she +rose higher and higher, her light crept down the wall over me, +till at last it shone right upon my head. Instantaneously the +walls of the tower seemed to vanish away like a mist. I sat +beneath a beech, on the edge of a forest, and the open country +lay, in the moonlight, for miles and miles around me, spotted +with glimmering houses and spires and towers. I thought with +myself, "Oh, joy! it was only a dream; the horrible narrow waste +is gone, and I wake beneath a beech-tree, perhaps one that loves +me, and I can go where I will." I rose, as I thought, and walked +about, and did what I would, but ever kept near the tree; for +always, and, of course, since my meeting with the woman of the +beech-tree far more than ever, I loved that tree. So the night +wore on. I waited for the sun to rise, before I could venture to +renew my journey. But as soon as the first faint light of the +dawn appeared, instead of shining upon me from the eye of the +morning, it stole like a fainting ghost through the little square +hole above my head; and the walls came out as the light grew, and +the glorious night was swallowed up of the hateful day. The long +dreary day passed. My shadow lay black on the floor. I felt no +hunger, no need of food. The night came. The moon shone. I +watched her light slowly descending the wall, as I might have +watched, adown the sky, the long, swift approach of a helping +angel. Her rays touched me, and I was free. Thus night after +night passed away. I should have died but for this. Every night +the conviction returned, that I was free. Every morning I sat +wretchedly disconsolate. At length, when the course of the moon +no longer permitted her beams to touch me, the night was dreary +as the day. + +When I slept, I was somewhat consoled by my dreams; but all the +time I dreamed, I knew that I was only dreaming. But one night, +at length, the moon, a mere shred of pallor, scattered a few thin +ghostly rays upon me; and I think I fell asleep and dreamed. I +sat in an autumn night before the vintage, on a hill overlooking +my own castle. My heart sprang with joy. Oh, to be a child +again, innocent, fearless, without shame or desire! I walked +down to the castle. All were in consternation at my absence. My +sisters were weeping for my loss. They sprang up and clung to +me, with incoherent cries, as I entered. My old friends came +flocking round me. A gray light shone on the roof of the hall. +It was the light of the dawn shining through the square window of +my tower. More earnestly than ever, I longed for freedom after +this dream; more drearily than ever, crept on the next wretched +day. I measured by the sunbeams, caught through the little +window in the trap of my tower, how it went by, waiting only for +the dreams of the night. + +About noon, I started as if something foreign to all my senses +and all my experience, had suddenly invaded me; yet it was only +the voice of a woman singing. My whole frame quivered with joy, +surprise, and the sensation of the unforeseen. Like a living +soul, like an incarnation of Nature, the song entered my +prison-house. Each tone folded its wings, and laid itself, like +a caressing bird, upon my heart. It bathed me like a sea; +inwrapt me like an odorous vapour; entered my soul like a long +draught of clear spring-water; shone upon me like essential +sunlight; soothed me like a mother's voice and hand. Yet, as the +clearest forest-well tastes sometimes of the bitterness of +decayed leaves, so to my weary, prisoned heart, its cheerfulness +had a sting of cold, and its tenderness unmanned me with the +faintness of long-departed joys. I wept half-bitterly, +half-luxuriously; but not long. I dashed away the tears, ashamed +of a weakness which I thought I had abandoned. Ere I knew, I had +walked to the door, and seated myself with my ears against it, in +order to catch every syllable of the revelation from the unseen +outer world. And now I heard each word distinctly. The singer +seemed to be standing or sitting near the tower, for the sounds +indicated no change of place. The song was something like this: + + The sun, like a golden knot on high, + Gathers the glories of the sky, + And binds them into a shining tent, + Roofing the world with the firmament. + And through the pavilion the rich winds blow, + And through the pavilion the waters go. + And the birds for joy, and the trees for prayer, + Bowing their heads in the sunny air, + And for thoughts, the gently talking springs, + That come from the centre with secret things-- + All make a music, gentle and strong, + Bound by the heart into one sweet song. + And amidst them all, the mother Earth + Sits with the children of her birth; + She tendeth them all, as a mother hen + Her little ones round her, twelve or ten: + Oft she sitteth, with hands on knee, + Idle with love for her family. + Go forth to her from the dark and the dust, + And weep beside her, if weep thou must; + If she may not hold thee to her breast, + Like a weary infant, that cries for rest + At least she will press thee to her knee, + And tell a low, sweet tale to thee, + Till the hue to thy cheeky and the light to thine eye, + Strength to thy limbs, and courage high + To thy fainting heart, return amain, + And away to work thou goest again. + From the narrow desert, O man of pride, + Come into the house, so high and wide. + + +Hardly knowing what I did, I opened the door. Why had I not done +so before? I do not know. + +At first I could see no one; but when I had forced myself past +the tree which grew across the entrance, I saw, seated on the +ground, and leaning against the tree, with her back to my prison, +a beautiful woman. Her countenance seemed known to me, and yet +unknown. She looked at me and smiled, when I made my appearance. + +"Ah! were you the prisoner there? I am very glad I have wiled +you out." + +"Do you know me then?" +"Do you not know me? But you hurt me, and that, I suppose, makes +it easy for a man to forget. You broke my globe. Yet I thank +you. Perhaps I owe you many thanks for breaking it. I took the +pieces, all black, and wet with crying over them, to the Fairy +Queen. There was no music and no light in them now. But she +took them from me, and laid them aside; and made me go to sleep +in a great hall of white, with black pillars, and many red +curtains. When I woke in the morning, I went to her, hoping to +have my globe again, whole and sound; but she sent me away +without it, and I have not seen it since. Nor do I care for it +now. I have something so much better. I do not need the globe +to play to me; for I can sing. I could not sing at all before. +Now I go about everywhere through Fairy Land, singing till my +heart is like to break, just like my globe, for very joy at my +own songs. And wherever I go, my songs do good, and deliver +people. And now I have delivered you, and I am so happy." + +She ceased, and the tears came into her eyes. + +All this time, I had been gazing at her; and now fully recognised +the face of the child, glorified in the countenance of the woman. + +I was ashamed and humbled before her; but a great weight was +lifted from my thoughts. I knelt before her, and thanked her, +and begged her to forgive me. + +"Rise, rise," she said; "I have nothing to forgive; I thank you. +But now I must be gone, for I do not know how many may be waiting +for me, here and there, through the dark forests; and they cannot +come out till I come." + +She rose, and with a smile and a farewell, turned and left me. I +dared not ask her to stay; in fact, I could hardly speak to her. +Between her and me, there was a great gulf. She was uplifted, by +sorrow and well-doing, into a region I could hardly hope ever to +enter. I watched her departure, as one watches a sunset. She +went like a radiance through the dark wood, which was henceforth +bright to me, from simply knowing that such a creature was in it. + +She was bearing the sun to the unsunned spots. The light and the +music of her broken globe were now in her heart and her brain. +As she went, she sang; and I caught these few words of her song; +and the tones seemed to linger and wind about the trees after she +had disappeared: + + Thou goest thine, and I go mine-- + Many ways we wend; + Many days, and many ways, + Ending in one end. + + Many a wrong, and its curing song; + Many a road, and many an inn; + Room to roam, but only one home + For all the world to win. + And so she vanished. With a sad heart, soothed by humility, and +the knowledge of her peace and gladness, I bethought me what now +I should do. First, I must leave the tower far behind me, lest, +in some evil moment, I might be once more caged within its +horrible walls. But it was ill walking in my heavy armour; and +besides I had now no right to the golden spurs and the +resplendent mail, fitly dulled with long neglect. I might do for +a squire; but I honoured knighthood too highly, to call myself +any longer one of the noble brotherhood. I stripped off all my +armour, piled it under the tree, just where the lady had been +seated, and took my unknown way, eastward through the woods. Of +all my weapons, I carried only a short axe in my hand. + +Then first I knew the delight of being lowly; of saying to +myself, "I am what I am, nothing more." "I have failed," I said, +"I have lost myself--would it had been my shadow." I looked +round: the shadow was nowhere to be seen. Ere long, I learned +that it was not myself, but only my shadow, that I had lost. I +learned that it is better, a thousand-fold, for a proud man to +fall and be humbled, than to hold up his head in his pride and +fancied innocence. I learned that he that will be a hero, will +barely be a man; that he that will be nothing but a doer of his +work, is sure of his manhood. In nothing was my ideal lowered, +or dimmed, or grown less precious; I only saw it too plainly, to +set myself for a moment beside it. Indeed, my ideal soon became +my life; whereas, formerly, my life had consisted in a vain +attempt to behold, if not my ideal in myself, at least myself in +my ideal. Now, however, I took, at first, what perhaps was a +mistaken pleasure, in despising and degrading myself. Another +self seemed to arise, like a white spirit from a dead man, from +the dumb and trampled self of the past. Doubtless, this self +must again die and be buried, and again, from its tomb, spring a +winged child; but of this my history as yet bears not the record. + +Self will come to life even in the slaying of self; but there is +ever something deeper and stronger than it, which will emerge at +last from the unknown abysses of the soul: will it be as a solemn +gloom, burning with eyes? or a clear morning after the rain? or a +smiling child, that finds itself nowhere, and everywhere? + + + + + + CHAPTER XXIII + + "High erected thought, seated in a heart of courtesy." + SIR PHILIP SIDNEY. + + "A sweet attractive kinde of grace, + A full assurance given by lookes, + Continuall comfort in a face, + The lineaments of Gospel bookes." + MATTHEW ROYDON, on Sir Philip Sidney. +I had not gone far, for I had but just lost sight of the hated +tower, when a voice of another sort, sounding near or far, as the +trees permitted or intercepted its passage, reached me. It was a +full, deep, manly voice, but withal clear and melodious. Now it +burst on the ear with a sudden swell, and anon, dying away as +suddenly, seemed to come to me across a great space. +Nevertheless, it drew nearer; till, at last, I could distinguish +the words of the song, and get transient glimpses of the singer, +between the columns of the trees. He came nearer, dawning upon +me like a growing thought. He was a knight, armed from head to +heel, mounted upon a strange-looking beast, whose form I could +not understand. The words which I heard him sing were like +these: + + Heart be stout, + And eye be true; + Good blade out! + And ill shall rue. + + Courage, horse! + Thou lackst no skill; + Well thy force + Hath matched my will. + + For the foe + With fiery breath, + At a blow, + It still in death. + + Gently, horse! + Tread fearlessly; + 'Tis his corse + That burdens thee. + + The sun's eye + Is fierce at noon; + Thou and I + Will rest full soon. + + And new strength + New work will meet; + Till, at length, + Long rest is sweet. + +And now horse and rider had arrived near enough for me to see, +fastened by the long neck to the hinder part of the saddle, and +trailing its hideous length on the ground behind, the body of a +great dragon. It was no wonder that, with such a drag at his +heels, the horse could make but slow progress, notwithstanding +his evident dismay. The horrid, serpent-like head, with its +black tongue, forked with red, hanging out of its jaws, dangled +against the horse's side. Its neck was covered with long blue +hair, its sides with scales of green and gold. Its back was of +corrugated skin, of a purple hue. Its belly was similar in +nature, but its colour was leaden, dashed with blotches of livid +blue. Its skinny, bat-like wings and its tail were of a dull +gray. It was strange to see how so many gorgeous colours, so +many curving lines, and such beautiful things as wings and hair +and scales, combined to form the horrible creature, intense in +ugliness. + +The knight was passing me with a salutation; but, as I walked +towards him, he reined up, and I stood by his stirrup. When I +came near him, I saw to my surprise and pleasure likewise, +although a sudden pain, like a birth of fire, sprang up in my +heart, that it was the knight of the soiled armour, whom I knew +before, and whom I had seen in the vision, with the lady of the +marble. But I could have thrown my arms around him, because she +loved him. This discovery only strengthened the resolution I had +formed, before I recognised him, of offering myself to the +knight, to wait upon him as a squire, for he seemed to be +unattended. I made my request in as few words as possible. He +hesitated for a moment, and looked at me thoughtfully. I saw +that he suspected who I was, but that he continued uncertain of +his suspicion. No doubt he was soon convinced of its truth; but +all the time I was with him, not a word crossed his lips with +reference to what he evidently concluded I wished to leave +unnoticed, if not to keep concealed. + +"Squire and knight should be friends,"said he: "can you take me +by the hand?" And he held out the great gauntleted right hand. +I grasped it willingly and strongly. Not a word more was said. +The knight gave the sign to his horse, which again began his slow +march, and I walked beside and a little behind. + +We had not gone very far before we arrived at a little cottage; +from which, as we drew near, a woman rushed out with the cry: + +"My child! my child! have you found my child?" + +"I have found her," replied the knight, "but she is sorely hurt. +I was forced to leave her with the hermit, as I returned. You +will find her there, and I think she will get better. You see I +have brought you a present. This wretch will not hurt you +again." And he undid the creature's neck, and flung the +frightful burden down by the cottage door. + +The woman was now almost out of sight in the wood; but the +husband stood at the door, with speechless thanks in his face. + +"You must bury the monster," said the knight. "If I had arrived +a moment later, I should have been too late. But now you need +not fear, for such a creature as this very rarely appears, in the +same part, twice during a lifetime." + +"Will you not dismount and rest you, Sir Knight?" said the +peasant, who had, by this time, recovered himself a little. + +"That I will, thankfully," said he; and, dismounting, he gave the +reins to me, and told me to unbridle the horse, and lead him into +the shade. "You need not tie him up," he added; "he will not run +away." + +When I returned, after obeying his orders, and entered the +cottage, I saw the knight seated, without his helmet, and talking +most familiarly with the simple host. I stood at the open door +for a moment, and, gazing at him, inwardly justified the white +lady in preferring him to me. A nobler countenance I never saw. +Loving-kindness beamed from every line of his face. It seemed as +if he would repay himself for the late arduous combat, by +indulging in all the gentleness of a womanly heart. But when the +talk ceased for a moment, he seemed to fall into a reverie. Then +the exquisite curves of the upper lip vanished. The lip was +lengthened and compressed at the same moment. You could have +told that, within the lips, the teeth were firmly closed. The +whole face grew stern and determined, all but fierce; only the +eyes burned on like a holy sacrifice, uplift on a granite rock. + +The woman entered, with her mangled child in her arms. She was +pale as her little burden. She gazed, with a wild love and +despairing tenderness, on the still, all but dead face, white and +clear from loss of blood and terror. + +The knight rose. The light that had been confined to his eyes, +now shone from his whole countenance. He took the little thing +in his arms, and, with the mother's help, undressed her, and +looked to her wounds. The tears flowed down his face as he did +so. With tender hands he bound them up, kissed the pale cheek, +and gave her back to her mother. When he went home, all his tale +would be of the grief and joy of the parents; while to me, who +had looked on, the gracious countenance of the armed man, beaming +from the panoply of steel, over the seemingly dead child, while +the powerful hands turned it and shifted it, and bound it, if +possible even more gently than the mother's, formed the centre of +the story. + +After we had partaken of the best they could give us, the knight +took his leave, with a few parting instructions to the mother as +to how she should treat the child. + +I brought the knight his steed, held the stirrup while he +mounted, and then followed him through the wood. The horse, +delighted to be free of his hideous load, bounded beneath the +weight of man and armour, and could hardly be restrained from +galloping on. But the knight made him time his powers to mine, +and so we went on for an hour or two. Then the knight +dismounted, and compelled me to get into the saddle, saying: +"Knight and squire must share the labour." + +Holding by the stirrup, he walked along by my side, heavily clad +as he was, with apparent ease. As we went, he led a +conversation, in which I took what humble part my sense of my +condition would permit me. + +"Somehow or other," said he, "notwithstanding the beauty of this +country of Faerie, in which we are, there is much that is wrong +in it. If there are great splendours, there are corresponding +horrors; heights and depths; beautiful women and awful fiends; +noble men and weaklings. All a man has to do, is to better what +he can. And if he will settle it with himself, that even renown +and success are in themselves of no great value, and be content +to be defeated, if so be that the fault is not his; and so go to +his work with a cool brain and a strong will, he will get it +done; and fare none the worse in the end, that he was not +burdened with provision and precaution." + +"But he will not always come off well," I ventured to say. + +"Perhaps not," rejoined the knight, "in the individual act; but +the result of his lifetime will content him." + +"So it will fare with you, doubtless," thought I; "but for +me---" + +Venturing to resume the conversation after a pause, I said, +hesitatingly: + +"May I ask for what the little beggar-girl wanted your aid, when +she came to your castle to find you?" + +He looked at me for a moment in silence, and then said-- + +"I cannot help wondering how you know of that; but there is +something about you quite strange enough to entitle you to the +privilege of the country; namely, to go unquestioned. I, +however, being only a man, such as you see me, am ready to tell +you anything you like to ask me, as far as I can. The little +beggar-girl came into the hall where I was sitting, and told me a +very curious story, which I can only recollect very vaguely, it +was so peculiar. What I can recall is, that she was sent to +gather wings. As soon as she had gathered a pair of wings for +herself, she was to fly away, she said, to the country she came +from; but where that was, she could give no information. + +She said she had to beg her wings from the butterflies and moths; +and wherever she begged, no one refused her. But she needed a +great many of the wings of butterflies and moths to make a pair +for her; and so she had to wander about day after day, looking +for butterflies, and night after night, looking for moths; and +then she begged for their wings. But the day before, she had +come into a part of the forest, she said, where there were +multitudes of splendid butterflies flitting about, with wings +which were just fit to make the eyes in the shoulders of hers; +and she knew she could have as many of them as she liked for the +asking; but as soon as she began to beg, there came a great +creature right up to her, and threw her down, and walked over +her. When she got up, she saw the wood was full of these beings +stalking about, and seeming to have nothing to do with each +other. As soon as ever she began to beg, one of them walked over +her; till at last in dismay, and in growing horror of the +senseless creatures, she had run away to look for somebody to +help her. I asked her what they were like. She said, like great +men, made of wood, without knee- or elbow-joints, and without any +noses or mouths or eyes in their faces. I laughed at the little +maiden, thinking she was making child's game of me; but, although +she burst out laughing too, she persisted in asserting the truth +of her story. + +"`Only come, knight, come and see; I will lead you.' + +"So I armed myself, to be ready for anything that might happen, +and followed the child; for, though I could make nothing of her +story, I could see she was a little human being in need of some +help or other. As she walked before me, I looked attentively at +her. Whether or not it was from being so often knocked down and +walked over, I could not tell, but her clothes were very much +torn, and in several places her white skin was peeping through. +I thought she was hump-backed; but on looking more closely, I +saw, through the tatters of her frock--do not laugh at me--a +bunch on each shoulder, of the most gorgeous colours. Looking +yet more closely, I saw that they were of the shape of folded +wings, and were made of all kinds of butterfly-wings and +moth-wings, crowded together like the feathers on the individual +butterfly pinion; but, like them, most beautifully arranged, and +producing a perfect harmony of colour and shade. I could now +more easily believe the rest of her story; especially as I saw, +every now and then, a certain heaving motion in the wings, as if +they longed to be uplifted and outspread. But beneath her scanty +garments complete wings could not be concealed, and indeed, from +her own story, they were yet unfinished. + +"After walking for two or three hours (how the little girl found +her way, I could not imagine), we came to a part of the forest, +the very air of which was quivering with the motions of +multitudes of resplendent butterflies; as gorgeous in colour, as +if the eyes of peacocks' feathers had taken to flight, but of +infinite variety of hue and form, only that the appearance of +some kind of eye on each wing predominated. `There they are, +there they are!' cried the child, in a tone of victory mingled +with terror. Except for this tone, I should have thought she +referred to the butterflies, for I could see nothing else. But +at that moment an enormous butterfly, whose wings had great eyes +of blue surrounded by confused cloudy heaps of more dingy +colouring, just like a break in the clouds on a stormy day +towards evening, settled near us. The child instantly began +murmuring: `Butterfly, butterfly, give me your wings'; when, the +moment after, she fell to the ground, and began crying as if +hurt. I drew my sword and heaved a great blow in the direction +in which the child had fallen. It struck something, and +instantly the most grotesque imitation of a man became visible. +You see this Fairy Land is full of oddities and all sorts of +incredibly ridiculous things, which a man is compelled to meet +and treat as real existences, although all the time he feels +foolish for doing so. This being, if being it could be called, +was like a block of wood roughly hewn into the mere outlines of a +man; and hardly so, for it had but head, body, legs, and arms-- +the head without a face, and the limbs utterly formless. I had +hewn off one of its legs, but the two portions moved on as best +they could, quite independent of each other; so that I had done +no good. I ran after it, and clove it in twain from the head +downwards; but it could not be convinced that its vocation was +not to walk over people; for, as soon as the little girl began +her begging again, all three parts came bustling up; and if I had +not interposed my weight between her and them, she would have +been trampled again under them. I saw that something else must +be done. If the wood was full of the creatures, it would be an +endless work to chop them so small that they could do no injury; +and then, besides, the parts would be so numerous, that the +butterflies would be in danger from the drift of flying chips. I +served this one so, however; and then told the girl to beg again, +and point out the direction in which one was coming. I was glad +to find, however, that I could now see him myself, and wondered +how they could have been invisible before. I would not allow him +to walk over the child; but while I kept him off, and she began +begging again, another appeared; and it was all I could do, from +the weight of my armour, to protect her from the stupid, +persevering efforts of the two. But suddenly the right plan +occurred to me. I tripped one of them up, and, taking him by the +legs, set him up on his head, with his heels against a tree. I +was delighted to find he could not move. + +Meantime the poor child was walked over by the other, but it was +for the last time. Whenever one appeared, I followed the same +plan-- tripped him up and set him on his head; and so the little +beggar was able to gather her wings without any trouble, which +occupation she continued for several hours in my company." + +"What became of her?" I asked. + +"I took her home with me to my castle, and she told me all her +story; but it seemed to me, all the time, as if I were hearing a +child talk in its sleep. I could not arrange her story in my +mind at all, although it seemed to leave hers in some certain +order of its own. My wife---" + +Here the knight checked himself, and said no more. Neither did I +urge the conversation farther. + +Thus we journeyed for several days, resting at night in such +shelter as we could get; and when no better was to be had, lying +in the forest under some tree, on a couch of old leaves. + +I loved the knight more and more. I believe never squire served +his master with more care and joyfulness than I. I tended his +horse; I cleaned his armour; my skill in the craft enabled me to +repair it when necessary; I watched his needs; and was well +repaid for all by the love itself which I bore him. + +"This," I said to myself, "is a true man. I will serve him, and +give him all worship, seeing in him the imbodiment of what I +would fain become. If I cannot be noble myself, I will yet be +servant to his nobleness." He, in return, soon showed me such +signs of friendship and respect, as made my heart glad; and I +felt that, after all, mine would be no lost life, if I might wait +on him to the world's end, although no smile but his should greet +me, and no one but him should say, "Well done! he was a good +servant!" at last. But I burned to do something more for him +than the ordinary routine of a squire's duty permitted. + +One afternoon, we began to observe an appearance of roads in the +wood. Branches had been cut down, and openings made, where +footsteps had worn no path below. These indications increased as +we passed on, till, at length, we came into a long, narrow +avenue, formed by felling the trees in its line, as the remaining +roots evidenced. At some little distance, on both hands, we +observed signs of similar avenues, which appeared to converge +with ours, towards one spot. Along these we indistinctly saw +several forms moving, which seemed, with ourselves, to approach +the common centre. Our path brought us, at last, up to a wall of +yew-trees, growing close together, and intertwining their +branches so, that nothing could be seen beyond it. An opening +was cut in it like a door, and all the wall was trimmed smooth +and perpendicular. The knight dismounted, and waited till I had +provided for his horse's comfort; upon which we entered the place +together. + +It was a great space, bare of trees, and enclosed by four walls +of yew, similar to that through which we had entered. These +trees grew to a very great height, and did not divide from each +other till close to the top, where their summits formed a row of +conical battlements all around the walls. The space contained +was a parallelogram of great length. Along each of the two +longer sides of the interior, were ranged three ranks of men, in +white robes, standing silent and solemn, each with a sword by his +side, although the rest of his costume and bearing was more +priestly than soldierly. For some distance inwards, the space +between these opposite rows was filled with a company of men and +women and children, in holiday attire. The looks of all were +directed inwards, towards the further end. Far beyond the crowd, +in a long avenue, seeming to narrow in the distance, went the +long rows of the white-robed men. On what the attention of the +multitude was fixed, we could not tell, for the sun had set +before we arrived, and it was growing dark within. It grew +darker and darker. The multitude waited in silence. The stars +began to shine down into the enclosure, and they grew brighter +and larger every moment. A wind arose, and swayed the pinnacles +of the tree-tops; and made a strange sound, half like music, half +like moaning, through the close branches and leaves of the +tree-walls. A young girl who stood beside me, clothed in the +same dress as the priests, bowed her head, and grew pale with +awe. + +The knight whispered to me, "How solemn it is! Surely they wait +to hear the voice of a prophet. There is something good near!" + +But I, though somewhat shaken by the feeling expressed by my +master, yet had an unaccountable conviction that here was +something bad. So I resolved to be keenly on the watch for what +should follow. + +Suddenly a great star, like a sun, appeared high in the air over +the temple, illuminating it throughout; and a great song arose +from the men in white, which went rolling round and round the +building, now receding to the end, and now approaching, down the +other side, the place where we stood. For some of the singers +were regularly ceasing, and the next to them as regularly taking +up the song, so that it crept onwards with gradations produced by +changes which could not themselves be detected, for only a few of +those who were singing ceased at the same moment. The song +paused; and I saw a company of six of the white-robed men walk up +the centre of the human avenue, surrounding a youth gorgeously +attired beneath his robe of white, and wearing a chaplet of +flowers on his head. I followed them closely, with my keenest +observation; and, by accompanying their slow progress with my +eyes, I was able to perceive more clearly what took place when +they arrived at the other end. I knew that my sight was so much +more keen than that of most people, that I had good reason to +suppose I should see more than the rest could, at such a +distance. At the farther end a throne stood upon a platform, +high above the heads of the surrounding priests. To this +platform I saw the company begin to ascend, apparently by an +inclined plane or gentle slope. The throne itself was elevated +again, on a kind of square pedestal, to the top of which led a +flight of steps. On the throne sat a majestic- looking figure, +whose posture seemed to indicate a mixture of pride and +benignity, as he looked down on the multitude below. The company +ascended to the foot of the throne, where they all kneeled for +some minutes; then they rose and passed round to the side of the +pedestal upon which the throne stood. Here they crowded close +behind the youth, putting him in the foremost place, and one of +them opened a door in the pedestal, for the youth to enter. I +was sure I saw him shrink back, and those crowding behind pushed +him in. Then, again, arose a burst of song from the multitude in +white, which lasted some time. When it ceased, a new company of +seven commenced its march up the centre. As they advanced, I +looked up at my master: his noble countenance was full of +reverence and awe. Incapable of evil himself, he could scarcely +suspect it in another, much less in a multitude such as this, and +surrounded with such appearances of solemnity. I was certain it +was the really grand accompaniments that overcame him; that the +stars overhead, the dark towering tops of the yew-trees, and the +wind that, like an unseen spirit, sighed through their branches, +bowed his spirit to the belief, that in all these ceremonies lay +some great mystical meaning which, his humility told him, his +ignorance prevented him from understanding. + +More convinced than before, that there was evil here, I could not +endure that my master should be deceived; that one like him, so +pure and noble, should respect what, if my suspicions were true, +was worse than the ordinary deceptions of priestcraft. I could +not tell how far he might be led to countenance, and otherwise +support their doings, before he should find cause to repent +bitterly of his error. I watched the new procession yet more +keenly, if possible, than the former. This time, the central +figure was a girl; and, at the close, I observed, yet more +indubitably, the shrinking back, and the crowding push. What +happened to the victims, I never learned; but I had learned +enough, and I could bear it no longer. I stooped, and whispered +to the young girl who stood by me, to lend me her white garment. +I wanted it, that I might not be entirely out of keeping with the +solemnity, but might have at least this help to passing +unquestioned. She looked up, half-amused and half-bewildered, as +if doubting whether I was in earnest or not. But in her +perplexity, she permitted me to unfasten it, and slip it down +from her shoulders. + +I easily got possession of it; and, sinking down on my knees in +the crowd, I rose apparently in the habit of one of the +worshippers. + +Giving my battle-axe to the girl, to hold in pledge for the +return of her stole, for I wished to test the matter unarmed, +and, if it was a man that sat upon the throne, to attack him with +hands bare, as I supposed his must be, I made my way through the +crowd to the front, while the singing yet continued, desirous of +reaching the platform while it was unoccupied by any of the +priests. I was permitted to walk up the long avenue of white +robes unmolested, though I saw questioning looks in many of the +faces as I passed. I presume my coolness aided my passage; for I +felt quite indifferent as to my own fate; not feeling, after the +late events of my history, that I was at all worth taking care +of; and enjoying, perhaps, something of an evil satisfaction, in +the revenge I was thus taking upon the self which had fooled me +so long. When I arrived on the platform, the song had just +ceased, and I felt as if all were looking towards me. But +instead of kneeling at its foot, I walked right up the stairs to +the throne, laid hold of a great wooden image that seemed to sit +upon it, and tried to hurl it from its seat. In this I failed at +first, for I found it firmly fixed. But in dread lest, the first +shock of amazement passing away, the guards would rush upon me +before I had effected my purpose, I strained with all my might; +and, with a noise as of the cracking, and breaking, and tearing +of rotten wood, something gave way, and I hurled the image down +the steps. Its displacement revealed a great hole in the throne, +like the hollow of a decayed tree, going down apparently a great +way. But I had no time to examine it, for, as I looked into it, +up out of it rushed a great brute, like a wolf, but twice the +size, and tumbled me headlong with itself, down the steps of the +throne. As we fell, however, I caught it by the throat, and the +moment we reached the platform, a struggle commenced, in which I +soon got uppermost, with my hand upon its throat, and knee upon +its heart. But now arose a wild cry of wrath and revenge and +rescue. A universal hiss of steel, as every sword was swept from +its scabbard, seemed to tear the very air in shreds. I heard the +rush of hundreds towards the platform on which I knelt. I only +tightened my grasp of the brute's throat. His eyes were already +starting from his head, and his tongue was hanging out. My +anxious hope was, that, even after they had killed me, they would +be unable to undo my gripe of his throat, before the monster was +past breathing. I therefore threw all my will, and force, and +purpose, into the grasping hand. I remember no blow. A +faintness came over me, and my consciousness departed. + + + + + + CHAPTER XXIV + + "We are ne'er like angels till our passions die." + DEKKER. + + "This wretched INN, where we scarce stay to bait, + We call our DWELLING-PLACE: + We call one STEP A RACE: + But angels in their full enlightened state, + Angels, who LIVE, and know what 'tis to BE, + Who all the nonsense of our language see, + Who speak THINGS, and our WORDS,their ill-drawn + PICTURES, scorn, + When we, by a foolish figure, say, + BEHOLD AN OLD MAN DEAD! then they + Speak properly, and cry, BEHOLD A MAN-CHILD BORN!" + COWLEY. + +I was dead, and right content. I lay in my coffin, with my +hands folded in peace. The knight, and the lady I loved, wept +over me. + +Her tears fell on my face. + +"Ah!" said the knight, "I rushed amongst them like a madman. I +hewed them down like brushwood. Their swords battered on me like +hail, but hurt me not. I cut a lane through to my friend. He +was dead. But he had throttled the monster, and I had to cut the +handful out of its throat, before I could disengage and carry off +his body. They dared not molest me as I brought him back." + +"He has died well," said the lady. + +My spirit rejoiced. They left me to my repose. I felt as if a +cool hand had been laid upon my heart, and had stilled it. My +soul was like a summer evening, after a heavy fall of rain, when +the drops are yet glistening on the trees in the last rays of the +down-going sun, and the wind of the twilight has begun to blow. +The hot fever of life had gone by, and I breathed the clear +mountain-air of the land of Death. I had never dreamed of such +blessedness. It was not that I had in any way ceased to be what +I had been. The very fact that anything can die, implies the +existence of something that cannot die; which must either take to +itself another form, as when the seed that is sown dies, and +arises again; or, in conscious existence, may, perhaps, continue +to lead a purely spiritual life. If my passions were dead, the +souls of the passions, those essential mysteries of the spirit +which had imbodied themselves in the passions, and had given to +them all their glory and wonderment, yet lived, yet glowed, with +a pure, undying fire. They rose above their vanishing earthly +garments, and disclosed themselves angels of light. But oh, how +beautiful beyond the old form! I lay thus for a time, and lived +as it were an unradiating existence; my soul a motionless lake, +that received all things and gave nothing back; satisfied in +still contemplation, and spiritual consciousness. + +Ere long, they bore me to my grave. Never tired child lay down +in his white bed, and heard the sound of his playthings being +laid aside for the night, with a more luxurious satisfaction of +repose than I knew, when I felt the coffin settle on the firm +earth, and heard the sound of the falling mould upon its lid. It +has not the same hollow rattle within the coffin, that it sends +up to the edge of the grave. They buried me in no graveyard. +They loved me too much for that, I thank them; but they laid me +in the grounds of their own castle, amid many trees; where, as it +was spring-time, were growing primroses, and blue-bells, and all +the families of the woods + +Now that I lay in her bosom, the whole earth, and each of her +many births, was as a body to me, at my will. I seemed to feel +the great heart of the mother beating into mine, and feeding me +with her own life, her own essential being and nature. I heard +the footsteps of my friends above, and they sent a thrill through +my heart. I knew that the helpers had gone, and that the knight +and the lady remained, and spoke low, gentle, tearful words of +him who lay beneath the yet wounded sod. I rose into a single +large primrose that grew by the edge of the grave, and from the +window of its humble, trusting face, looked full in the +countenance of the lady. I felt that I could manifest myself in +the primrose; that it said a part of what I wanted to say; just +as in the old time, I had used to betake myself to a song for the +same end. The flower caught her eye. She stooped and plucked +it, saying, "Oh, you beautiful creature!" and, lightly kissing +it, put it in her bosom. It was the first kiss she had ever +given me. But the flower soon began to wither, and I forsook it. + +It was evening. The sun was below the horizon; but his rosy +beams yet illuminated a feathery cloud, that floated high above +the world. I arose, I reached the cloud; and, throwing myself +upon it, floated with it in sight of the sinking sun. He sank, +and the cloud grew gray; but the grayness touched not my heart. +It carried its rose-hue within; for now I could love without +needing to be loved again. The moon came gliding up with all the +past in her wan face. She changed my couch into a ghostly +pallor, and threw all the earth below as to the bottom of a pale +sea of dreams. But she could not make me sad. I knew now, that +it is by loving, and not by being loved, that one can come +nearest the soul of another; yea, that, where two love, it is the +loving of each other, and not the being loved by each other, that +originates and perfects and assures their blessedness. I knew +that love gives to him that loveth, power over any soul beloved, +even if that soul know him not, bringing him inwardly close to +that spirit; a power that cannot be but for good; for in +proportion as selfishness intrudes, the love ceases, and the +power which springs therefrom dies. Yet all love will, one day, +meet with its return. All true love will, one day, behold its +own image in the eyes of the beloved, and be humbly glad. This +is possible in the realms of lofty Death. "Ah! my friends," +thought I, "how I will tend you, and wait upon you, and haunt you +with my love." + +My floating chariot bore me over a great city. Its faint dull +sound steamed up into the air--a sound--how composed?" How many +hopeless cries," thought I, "and how many mad shouts go to make +up the tumult, here so faint where I float in eternal peace, +knowing that they will one day be stilled in the surrounding +calm, and that despair dies into infinite hope, and the seeming +impossible there, is the law here! + +But, O pale-faced women, and gloomy-browed men, and forgotten +children, how I will wait on you, and minister to you, and, +putting my arms about you in the dark, think hope into your +hearts, when you fancy no one is near! Soon as my senses have +all come back, and have grown accustomed to this new blessed +life, I will be among you with the love that healeth." + +With this, a pang and a terrible shudder went through me; a +writhing as of death convulsed me; and I became once again +conscious of a more limited, even a bodily and earthly life. + + + + + + CHAPTER XXV + + "Our life is no dream; but it ought to become one, + and perhaps will."--NOVALIS. + + "And on the ground, which is my modres gate, + I knocke with my staf; erlich and late, + And say to hire, Leve mother, let me in." + CHAUCER, The Pardoneres Tale. + +Sinking from such a state of ideal bliss, into the world of +shadows which again closed around and infolded me, my first dread +was, not unnaturally, that my own shadow had found me again, and +that my torture had commenced anew. It was a sad revulsion of +feeling. This, indeed, seemed to correspond to what we think +death is, before we die. Yet I felt within me a power of calm +endurance to which I had hitherto been a stranger. For, in +truth, that I should be able if only to think such things as I +had been thinking, was an unspeakable delight. An hour of such +peace made the turmoil of a lifetime worth striving through. + +I found myself lying in the open air, in the early morning, +before sunrise. Over me rose the summer heaven, expectant of the +sun. The clouds already saw him, coming from afar; and soon +every dewdrop would rejoice in his individual presence within it. + +I lay motionless for a few minutes; and then slowly rose and +looked about me. I was on the summit of a little hill; a valley +lay beneath, and a range of mountains closed up the view upon +that side. But, to my horror, across the valley, and up the +height of the opposing mountains, stretched, from my very feet, a +hugely expanding shade. There it lay, long and large, dark and +mighty. I turned away with a sick despair; when lo! I beheld +the sun just lifting his head above the eastern hill, and the +shadow that fell from me, lay only where his beams fell not. I +danced for joy. It was only the natural shadow, that goes with +every man who walks in the sun. As he arose, higher and higher, +the shadow-head sank down the side of the opposite hill, and +crept in across the valley towards my feet. + +Now that I was so joyously delivered from this fear, I saw and +recognised the country around me. In the valley below, lay my +own castle, and the haunts of my childhood were all about me +hastened home. My sisters received me with unspeakable joy; but +I suppose they observed some change in me, for a kind of respect, +with a slight touch of awe in it, mingled with their joy, and +made me ashamed. They had been in great distress about me. On +the morning of my disappearance, they had found the floor of my +room flooded; and, all that day, a wondrous and nearly impervious +mist had hung about the castle and grounds. I had been gone, +they told me, twenty- one days. To me it seemed twenty-one +years. Nor could I yet feel quite secure in my new experiences. +When, at night, I lay down once more in my own bed, I did not +feel at all sure that when I awoke, I should not find myself in +some mysterious region of Fairy Land. My dreams were incessant +and perturbed; but when I did awake, I saw clearly that I was in +my own home. + +My mind soon grew calm; and I began the duties of my new +position, somewhat instructed, I hoped, by the adventures that +had befallen me in Fairy Land. Could I translate the experience +of my travels there, into common life? This was the question. +Or must I live it all over again, and learn it all over again, in +the other forms that belong to the world of men, whose experience +yet runs parallel to that of Fairy Land? These questions I +cannot answer yet. But I fear. + +Even yet, I find myself looking round sometimes with anxiety, to +see whether my shadow falls right away from the sun or no. I +have never yet discovered any inclination to either side. And if +I am not unfrequently sad, I yet cast no more of a shade on the +earth, than most men who have lived in it as long as I. I have a +strange feeling sometimes, that I am a ghost, sent into the world +to minister to my fellow men, or, rather, to repair the wrongs I +have already done. + +May the world be brighter for me, at least in those portions of +it, where my darkness falls not. + +Thus I, who set out to find my Ideal, came back rejoicing that I +had lost my Shadow. + +When the thought of the blessedness I experienced, after my death +in Fairy Land, is too high for me to lay hold upon it and hope in +it, I often think of the wise woman in the cottage, and of her +solemn assurance that she knew something too good to be told. +When I am oppressed by any sorrow or real perplexity, I often +feel as if I had only left her cottage for a time, and would soon +return out of the vision, into it again. Sometimes, on such +occasions, I find myself, unconsciously almost, looking about for +the mystic mark of red, with the vague hope of entering her door, +and being comforted by her wise tenderness. I then console +myself by saying: "I have come through the door of Dismay; and +the way back from the world into which that has led me, is +through my tomb. Upon that the red sign lies, and I shall find +it one day, and be glad." + +I will end my story with the relation of an incident which befell +me a few days ago. I had been with my reapers, and, when they +ceased their work at noon, I had lain down under the shadow of a +great, ancient beech-tree, that stood on the edge of the field. +As I lay, with my eyes closed, I began to listen to the sound of +the leaves overhead. At first, they made sweet inarticulate +music alone; but, by-and-by, the sound seemed to begin to take +shape, and to be gradually moulding itself into words; till, at +last, I seemed able to distinguish these, half-dissolved in a +little ocean of circumfluent tones: "A great good is coming--is +coming--is coming to thee, Anodos"; and so over and over again. +I fancied that the sound reminded me of the voice of the ancient +woman, in the cottage that was four-square. I opened my eyes, +and, for a moment, almost believed that I saw her face, with its +many wrinkles and its young eyes, looking at me from between two +hoary branches of the beech overhead. But when I looked more +keenly, I saw only twigs and leaves, and the infinite sky, in +tiny spots, gazing through between. Yet I know that good is +coming to me--that good is always coming; though few have at all +times the simplicity and the courage to believe it. What we call +evil, is the only and best shape, which, for the person and his +condition at the time, could be assumed by the best good. And +so, FAREWELL. + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Phantastes, George MacDonald + + |